[{"File Name":"Alias_01x01.json","Recap":["Sydney Bristow is a young university student living an uneventful life in Los Angeles. She is recruited to work for SD-6, allegedly a secret branch of the CIA. Later she falls in love with Daniel (Danny) Hecht (Edward Atterton), a promising pediatric cardiologist, and makes the fatal mistake of telling him about her secret identity. When SD-6 finds out, they murder him to protect the secrecy of her identity. Sydney, devastated by this loss, takes several months off from work to recuperate and focus on school. Her partner, Marcus Dixon, is sent to check up on her, and urge her back to work. She tells him that she is not ready yet, even though it is long past when she was supposed to return. In a sudden series of events, an attempt is made on Sydney's life, only to be stopped (with ruthless efficiency) by Jack Bristow, Sydney's estranged father. He reveals that SD-6 is not a CIA division, but in fact a branch of a larger, illegal organization known as the Alliance of Twelve, which seeks to make profits from stolen intelligence and weapons. The \"CIA black-ops\" is the cover given to most of their employees, only a select few (Jack included) know of the organization's true agenda; the rest are merely pawns whose patriotism is exploited. Sydney is sickened to learn that her father has lied to her for years, and that he is a traitor who was complicit in letting his daughter become a pawn to his colleagues. Realizing that Sloane no longer trusts her, Sydney travels to Taipei and retrieves one of Rambaldi's artifacts in order to win his trust. After confronting Sloane, giving him the artifact, and promising to return to work the following week, she regains Sloane's trust. She visits the real CIA where she meets Michael Vaughn and Eric Weiss. She prepares a written statement telling them everything she knows about SD-6. She requests to become a double agent for the CIA and put an end to Sloane and SD-6. Later, the episode's final scene shows Sydney visiting Danny's grave. There, Jack reveals to Sydney that he is not a traitor, he is working for the CIA, infiltrating SD-6 as a double agent, and that the CIA is expecting her to do the same."],"Transcript":["(Dark. Sydney, with red hair and heavy eye make-up, has her head forced under water. We see her eyes bulging, silently screaming underwater. Someone pulls her up. Two armed men throw her on the ground. Sydney coughs, soaked. They walk up to her and yell at her in Chinese. She answers back, still coughing, her head pressed to the ground. She speaks Chinese. They pick her up by her flaming red hair and throw her on a chair. They speak to her in Chinese again. They slap her. They take her arms and handcuff her to the back of the chair. She stares at the door ahead, knowing someone's coming. She breathes heavily, soaking wet.)","(Cut to the same door... but an elderly professor enters. He looks at the crowd of students. Three are left, among them is Sydney. Dressed normally, brown hair. She's quickly writing. The professor walks down the aisle as the two other students give him their papers. He walks up to Sydney. She's still writing.)","PROFESSOR: Sydney. Time's up.","SYDNEY: Okay, then. (still writing) I'll... just... finish... my little... essay. Thank you.","(She finishes and gives it to him.)","(Outside. Afternoon, sunny out. Sydney and a guy - Danny, dressed in a doctor\/lab coat - walk together across campus.)","SYDNEY: So, I'm pretty sure I got a \"D.\"","DANNY: You didn't get a \"D.\"","SYDNEY: I think I got, like, a sixty-four.","DANNY: You've never gotten a \"D.\"","SYDNEY: I've gotten a \"D\"!","DANNY: (amused) When?","SYDNEY: High school. Home ec.","DANNY: What did you do? Oh, did you embroider something on a T-shirt...?","SYDNEY: Sweatshirt. It was the assignment.","DANNY: What, it was obscene? Something with the teacher.","SYDNEY: He was a sexist pig. I deserved a scholarship for that.","DANNY: (rifling through his bag) Hold on a sec.","(They stop walking.)","SYDNEY: This time I deserved a \"D.\" I didn't prepare. I didn't have enough time.","(Danny is crouched on the ground, going through his bag.)","DANNY: We've had this conversation. Quit the bank, the part time thing isn't working.","SYDNEY: What are you doing?","DANNY: I've got a double shift again...","SYDNEY: (crouches beside him) Did you get the Dave Matthews Band tickets?","DANNY: (smiling) Would you stand up, please?","(She does.)","DANNY: I wanted to wait. Maybe do it on the weekend, but I couldn't.","SYDNEY: What's going on?","DANNY: Remember our first date? The bowling alley? The loud guy?","SYDNEY: Oh, God...","DANNY: (starts singing) Build me up buttercup baby, then you bring me down! And mess me around, and then worst of all! You never call, baby, when you say you will! But I love you still, I need you! More than anyone, darling! I know I'm yours from the start... so build me up buttercup, don't break my heart!","(The bells ring in the background.)","DANNY: (to bells) Shut up! (he takes out a black box) Sydney... I can't tell you how much I hope you marry me. Despite what I just did.","SYDNEY: (crouches beside him) Yes.","(They kiss.)","SYDNEY: Yes...","DANNY: I love you.","(Sydney's house.)","FRANCIE: I know, I cry at every damn thing! Hold on. Oh, let me see it again. Oh, honey, it's beautiful!","SYDNEY: I know. I'm getting married!","FRANCIE: You're getting married!","(They hug.)","(Inside the house. Francie gets something to eat while Sydney sits down.)","FRANCIE: So, did you tell Will yet?","SYDNEY: Meeting him at the track after the bank. Do you want to come?","FRANCIE: No thanks. I've got three hundred orthopedic surgeons to feed and no desire to exercise. What about your dad?","SYDNEY: Haven't told him yet. I don't want him to ruin this... not this. You know?","FRANCIE: Yes, I know. Your mother would be so happy for you.","SYDNEY: (smiles) She would. Maybe I should call my dad... I mean, he is my dad.","FRANCIE: You are schizophrenic! Just remind yourself, unless you're talking about importing airplane parts, that man's got nothing to say. Let him find out when he gets the invitation.","SYDNEY: It's exporting airplane parts. (pause) He already knows. Danny called him to ask permission.","FRANCIE: Danny called your dad?","SYDNEY: Mmm hmm.","FRANCIE: And how did that go?","(At a hospital, Danny goes to a payphone and dials. In a posh looking office, Jack Bristow answers the phone.)","MR. BRISTOW: Yeah.","DANNY: Mr. Bristow?","MR. BRISTOW: Yes.","DANNY: Hi. It's Danny Hecht. (no response) Sydney's boyfriend.","MR. BRISTOW: Is Sydney all right?","DANNY: Oh, yes, she's fine. Nothing to worry about. I'm calling because I'm planning on asking Sydney to marry me and... I was hoping to get your approval.","MR. BRISTOW: Danny, let me ask you a question.","DANNY: Sure.","MR. BRISTOW: How well do you know my daughter?","DANNY: Um, we've been dating for two years...","MR. BRISTOW: Because if you feel the need to ask me about this scenario, I have a sense you don't know Sydney at all.","DANNY: Sir, I love your daughter and I want to marry her. That's why I'm calling.","MR. BRISTOW: First of all, Danny, the truth is this is just a courtesy call. Like when you say to your neighbor, \"We're having a loud party on Saturday night if that's all right with you.\" What you really mean is, \"We're having a loud party on Saturday night.\"","DANNY: Mr. Bristow--","MR. BRISTOW: Sydney doesn't give a damn what my opinion is. What interests me is that you do.","DANNY: It's just a custom to call the father, that's all this is--","MR. BRISTOW: Well, then, I'll tell you what. I may become your father-in-law, that's just fine. But I will not be used as part of a charming little anecdote you tell your friends at cocktail parties so they can see what a quaint, old-fashioned guy Danny really is. Are we clear?","DANNY: Yes, sir...","MR. BRISTOW: Good. Then welcome to the family.","(He hangs up. Dazed, Danny walks away from the payphone, shaking his head slightly.)","(Sydney walks down a street, dressed in a black suit. She goes into a building called Credit Dauphin. Inside she gets in an elevator where a man is waiting.)","SYDNEY: Hey.","AGENT: You're late.","(A delivery boy runs up to take the elevator too.)","AGENT: Sorry. Executive elevator.","BOY: Oh, come on, man. Drop me off at twelve.","(The agent moves his coat, showing the holster of a gun.)","BOY: All right, damn.","(The boy leaves. The elevator doors close.)","SYDNEY: Zachary feeling better?","AGENT: Much, yeah. Thanks.","(With her hands folded behind her back, Sydney takes off her engagement ring.)","(The elevator dings. Sydney gets off and enters a completely white room.)","SYDNEY: See ya.","(The elevator doors close. Sydney stands in the center of the white room. A flash of red illuminates the room. She waits for it to return to white and goes through the door. She continues on. She walks in a room, where men in black suits are everywhere. She keeps walking through, enters a room where phones and desks are scattered. Men in suits are on the phones. She stops at a desk where Dixon and some nearby agents are all on the phones. Dixon speaks in the headset while Sydney looks through a file. He hangs up.)","DIXON: God, I hate this.","SYDNEY: I was just saying it's only Ramadan.","DIXON: No, not my case work. These new headsets, keep pinching my ear.","SYDNEY: Oh, give it to me. Any word from Decklin? (fixes it)","DIXON: Not since Teheran. I keep telling myself he's juust fine. You know, he's done this before. Disappeared for days like this. What's going on with you?","SYDNEY: Nothing. Why?","DIXON: You're, like... you've got a glow.","SYDNEY: I don't have a glow.","DIXON: Yeah, look at that!","SYDNEY: Here. (gives the headset back) Come on. Sloane's waiting. There's no glow!","(Sydney starts to walk away.)","DIXON: (to nearby agent) Is she glowing?","YOUNG AGENT: Big time.","DIXON: You hear that? (Sydney throws her arms up in the air, he puts his headset on) Yes, better. Good.","(Inside a conference room Sloane, Marshall, Dixon and Sydney sit at a long table. In front of each chair there's a slanted computer screen where the dossier is shown. Sloane paces and talks.)","SLOANE: Vascar Mueller was killed last month. He was riding a moped through Berlin and was hit by an ambulance of all things. We've kept our eye on this guy for quite some time. He fancied himself as a modern day Alcamist. His IQ was recorded as one of the highest on the planet.","DIXON: Then again, he was riding a moped.","SLOANE: Between the multi-nationals, there was a frenzy to recover Mueller's notebook and experiment, but none were found. At least not by the west. Cultural affairs, building type A, north road, section two. This building is also an FTL cover station. We received word two weeks ago that one of Mueller's plans surfaced here.","SYDNEY: Who is the mole?","SLOANE: Antonio Quintero. This is his last transmission. Uplink was on the fifteenth. Brush past was scheduled for Tuesday. Quintero did not show.","(A diagram pops up on their screens.)","SYDNEY: What is that, hiredic?","SLOANE: That's what I thought. It's demonic. Taking notes in ancient languages is just one of Mueller's quirks, apparently he had a few.","DIXON: So, Quintero's been burned?","SLOANE: We don't know. There's a race at a building sannes next Tuesday. You're flying to Taiwan on Monday. You're employed by Modear Plastics.","(He gives Dixon and Sydney their new passports and plane tickets.)","DIXON: Working for a manufacturing plant.","SLOANE: Based on the notes, you'll case the building's east wing measurements, locks, IO, the whole nine. Locate the lab where the plans are being held and come home. That's all. No retreival. We can't risk it. Okay, Marshall, you go.","(Marshall stands, excited.)","MARSHALL: Yeah, thank you. How's everyone? Good. All right. The first thing I have here (pulls out a lighter) is a well, looks like a lighter. Right? It's something that you would light your cigarettes with, or cigar. But actually it's an RF scrambler. It disrupts any video for a four hundred and twenty yard radius. So, if I were to hit this switch right here the whole block would be in a complete panic. So, what the hell, right? (hits the switch, the screens scramble) See? Everyone's totally freaking out. What's going on with my computer, it's not... My DVD is not working! (hits the switch) And we're back. Okay. Now, I got a twenty volt shell in here, so you only get four minutes of a charge. So, you want to get in and do your thing and get out. Four minutes and two seconds and you're screwed. Okay. The other thing I got is... you're going to like this... something that I'm really excited about. (takes out a lipstick) Looks like a lipstick. You know, something that you would be for your lips, in a woman's refresh... but this is the amazing thing. It actually takes pictures, and it measures space in three axis from one vantage point. It assembles images based on GPS and creates a centimeter accurate blue print of a building. It's got a camera and a short pulse laser, plus a grid analyzer and I got it to forty-two snaps right now. But I want to get it to forty-seven because... that's a prime number. Heh. (sits)","SLOANE: Well. You might think this is a simple reconnaissance op, but until we find out what happened to Quintero, we need to assume that the enemy is waiting so I want you to do us one favor. Come back.","(Track. Sydney runs, breathing hard. She comes to a stop with Will behind her.)","WILL: Good run.","SYDNEY: Thanks. So, where were you last night? I called you.","WILL: Oh, yeah. I don't want to talk about it. (beat) My sister set me up on a blind date.","SYDNEY: Was it good?","WILL: For the date, it was. Yes.","SYDNEY: You didn't like her?","WILL: I didn't mind her so much. I don't like my sister anymore. That's the problem, having siblings live with you. They try to get you to meet people that you aren't supposed to meet in real life.","SYDNEY: Why was the date so bad?","WILL: Her favorite movie of all time. You ready for this? \"Pretty Woman.\"","SYDNEY: So? I'm sure that's a lot of people's favorite movie.","WILL: Yeah, that's probably true. Congratulations. But of all time?","(He gives her a bottle of water.)","SYDNEY: Thanks.","WILL: That includes, like, well, any other movie ever made. All of them! Did you see \"Lawrence of Arabia\" is playing at The Gypsim tonight?","SYDNEY: Yeah, I did.","WILL: You want to go?","SYDNEY: I would love to, but...","WILL: Well, Danny's working late tonight, right?","SYDNEY: I'm taking him to dinner at the hospital.","WILL: Take him to a late one. How about on Thursday?","SYDNEY: We're getting married.","(Will stops. He's stunned.)","WILL: Wait a minute. You're wearing a--you're wearing a ring. I didn't even see it. That's... congratulations.","SYDNEY: Thanks.","WILL: You want to get a couple more laps?","SYDNEY: I don't think so...","WILL: Okay. Because I'm going to get a couple.","(He starts running again, bothered.)","(Danny's apartment. Sydney is studying on the couch while Danny is at the table behind. She looks up at him, smiles. He gets up, puts her book on the ground, crawls over the back of the couch so he's on top of her. She giggles. They kiss.)","DANNY: I called Todd. They haven't rented that place yet, if you want to go look at it.","(He moves down, unbuttons her shirt and starts kissing her stomach.)","DANNY: It's impossible, isn't it? One day there's going to be a baby in there. My patients would love that, knowing that their doctor still can't believe women can get pregnant.","(Sydney's face freezes. She sits up, takes his hand and starts walking. She stops at the stereo and turns up the music really loud.)","(In the bathroom, Sydney takes off her shirt.)","SYDNEY: Get undressed.","(He strips.)","(In the shower, Sydney waits. He enters. He smiles at her and moves in for a kiss but she stops him.)","SYDNEY: I work for the C.I.A.","(He laughs. She stares at him, serious.)","DANNY: (laughing) Sydney...","(He stops laughing when he sees she's serious.)","SYDNEY: I'm an operations officer for the C.I.A.","(Outside the shower, muffled shouting. Danny shouts at Sydney, she shouts back. He leaves the shower.)","(From earlier, the scene continues. Sydney, in her red hair, sits on the chair staring at the door. A man enters. She breathes heavily. He fills a syringe full of brown liquid while walking up to her. He squirts the syringe. Sydney whimpers. The door slams. They're trying to get the needle in her. The two armed men hold her down while the man tries to insert the needle in her arm. Sydney moves around, not staying still. Finally, the man gets it in. She whimpers and stares at him. Her eyes are getting droopy.)","SYDNEY: Augh...","(She closes her eyes. Her head falls back.)","(Flashback. Sydney, with really long hair, is sitting outside on campus doing school work. A man in a suit gives her a business card.)","SYDNEY: (voice over) During the fall of my freshman year, a man approached me. He told me that the U.S. government might be interested in talking to me about a job.","(In a library, Sydney is studying and takes out the card, looks at it.)","(At a phone booth, Sydney is holding the card and calls.)","SYDNEY: (V.O.) When I asked why me, all he told me is that I fit a profile. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. Even in college. And I needed the money anyway, so I met with him and they offered me a job.","(Present. Danny and Sydney are outside, in the middle of nowhere. Planes take off in the distance.)","DANNY: A job with the C.I.A.?","SYDNEY: Not exactly. It's a job with a covert branch.","DANNY: This is crazy! Okay, okay, so covert branch. Then what?","SYDNEY: After the first month, I asked if I could test for agent training.","(Flashback to Sydney filling out the application and kickboxing with someone.)","SYDNEY: (V.O.) The test was easy. They said I was a natural. Maybe I was, because... I advanced too quickly.","(Flashback of Sydney shooting a gun at a practice target.)","(Back to present.)","SYDNEY: It was exciting.","DANNY: This isn't real.","SYDNEY: Danny... since my mother died, I always hoped I would find someone to give my life meaning. That person is you. I just met the agency first. I can't quit.","DANNY: Sydney, I love you. But this... I just, I got to figure out what I'm thinking.","SYDNEY: You can't tell anyone about this. About what I do. No one. Danny, I'm not kidding.","DANNY: I got it. I need--I need to walk. I'll call you tonight.","(He turns.)","SYDNEY: I've got my trip.","DANNY: San Diego.","SYDNEY: I'll call you when I get back.","DANNY: Be careful.","(He leaves.)","(On a plane, Sydney and Dixon sit together.)","DIXON: You know, Sloane doesn't like it. That you're still in grad school.","SYDNEY: I know. He'd rather none of us have a life outside. I'm not giving it up.","DIXON: You all right?","SYDNEY: How long have you and Diane been married?","DIXON: Eleven, no, twelve years. Damn. (laughs)","SYDNEY: You love her?","DIXON: Of course I do.","SYDNEY: And you've never said a thing?","DIXON: About what?","SYDNEY: About what we do.","DIXON: Diane's married to an investment analyst who loves his job.","SYDNEY: And you don't... you don't feel like you're lying to her?","DIXON: If there's one rule you don't break, that's the rule you don't break.","SYDNEY: It must just get easier.","(In Taiwan. People get out of limos as photographers take pictures. Inside, people mingle while waiters roam. Orchestra plays. Dixon speaks Japanese to someone, smiles and moves across the room to find Sydney. She's wearing an elegant gown and talking Japanese to someonhe. Dixon joins them, she smiles and leaves. She puts her glass of champagne on the table and walks out. The man from the flashbacks of Sydney with red hair, watches as she leaves.)","(Cut to a bar. Danny is drunk and calling Sydney.)","ANSWERING MACHINE: (Sydney) Hey, this is Sydney! (Danny) And this is Danny. I don't live here. (Sydney giggles) Leave me a message and I'll call you back! (Danny) Thank you. She meant to say \"Thank you.\" (Beep.)","DANNY: You're not there... I know you're not there. Or in San Diego.","(At the party, Dixon pretends to pass out, falling to the ground. Everyone crowds around him.)","(Bar.)","DANNY: You could be anywhere, doing anything...","(At the party, Sydney runs in the hall and finds a guard. Pointing back to the party room she tells them about Dixon.)","(At the bar.)","DANNY: Which is the crux of the issue...","(At the party, Sydney sets her watch for four minutes and moves past the velvet rope. Dixon, in the party room, hits the lighter switch. Inside the control room, the video screens scramble.)","(At the bar.)","DANNY: Can I live like this, not knowing where or why, when?","(Running throughout the building, Sydney takes a picture and runs. Inside, Dixon drinks some champagne given to him.)","(At the bar.)","DANNY: Can I live in the dark? And the answer is... the only answer I came up with, Sydney, was... was yes. Sid, I don't care. The whole world's a nightmare anywhere. It's all dangerous. No matter what we do.","(Sydney runs down a hall and stops, sees two guards.)","(At the bar.)","DANNY: I couldn't live with myself, saying goodbye to you because of risk. All the risk.","(The answering machine at Sydney's records. Satellites outside, picking up everything Danny says.)","DANNY: The kids... that's something we have to talk about because I want kids. I love kids. But maybe there is a way out because people aren't spies forever.","(At a computer, a program records the phone call. Comparing voice print... a picture of Danny comes up on the screen. The man behind the computer picks up the phone and calls someone.)","DANNY: But sometimes people have to say they used to be spies. I miss you, Sid. Come home.","(Sydney runs down some stairs and tries to unlock a door. She takes the end off the heel of her shoe and it's a lock picking device. She looks at her watch.)","(Sloane's office. The phone rings.)","SLOANE: Yeah? Who? What else? Yeah, well, get me the audio right away. Yeah. (hangs up)","(Sydney picks the lock and opens the door. She walks in the lab and opens the cage. She takes a picture of it. She goes to run back to the party but she goes back in further to the lab to get better ones. She sees the instrument from the diagrams in Sloane's office. She takes a picture.)","(A doctor shines a light in Dixon's eyes. He looks at the watch. Eight seconds left.)","(Sydney runs up the stairs. Time's up. Video's back up. In the control room, a guard sees Sydney running and alerts the Man from earlier via walkie talkie. Sydney comes up the stairs. The man is there.)","SYDNEY: I'm so lost. Oh, my God. I was looking for the bathroom. You know, there really should be signs in English. I don't know if you're in charge of that, but...","(He grabs her arm.)","MAN: This area is restricted.","SYDNEY: Please. I was just going to the bathroom. Look, you don't know my boss, Ron, but if he found out that I'd been drinking and that I'd gotten in trouble, I swear to you, I will lose my job. I swear it. (fake crying)","(He lets her go.)","MAN: Rest room is this way.","SYDNEY: Thank you. Bless your heart. I like your tie.","(Sloane's office. He has a file open on his desk. He closes it.)","SLOANE: We have a breach. It appears that Daniel Hecht has become aware of Sydney's affiliation with the agency.","(He slides the folder across the desk.)","SLOANE: You understand what that means?","(Sydney's father, sitting across from Sloane, opens the file.)","MR. BRISTOW: Yes. I understand. I appreciate you telling me yourself.","SLOANE: I'm sorry, Jack.","MR. BRISTOW: Don't be. You know me well enough. You know where my loyalty lies.","(Airport. Two agents walk up to Dixon.)","DIXON: Mr. Gonzales.","AGENT GONZALES: Mr. Dixon. Where is Bristow?","DIXON: Looking for this? (holds up camera)","AGENT GONZALES: (takes it) Looking for her. Where is she?","DIXON: She left me at the gate.","AGENT GONZALES: Left you at the gate.","DIXON: Said she was grabbing a taxi. Why, what's the problem?","(Sydney comes home. She opens the door.)","SYDNEY: Hey, I'm back, I--","(She stops. The entire apartment has been ransacked. Chairs are tipped over, books are on the floor. Paintings are tilted on the wall. It's a mess. Sydney stops. Her keys fall to the ground from her hand. She drops her bags and moves to the bathroom. She opens the door, peers inside... and sees Danny in the bathtub. Dead. Blood is splattered on the white porcelain. Sydney gasps and runs to the bathtub. She covers her mouth, leans in. She screams. She screams again. Covers her mouth, screams louder.)","(Out in the street, Sydney drives. She's crying, she's hysterical. She's covered in blood. She drives faster and comes to a screeching halt in front of the Credit Dauphin building. She climbs out of her vehicle and marches in. Inside the building, she has blood all over her shirt and face. She marches toward Sloane's office. She barges in and goes up to his desk.)","SYDNEY: What did you do?","SLOANE: I might ask you the same question. Securty section became aware of the breach and performed their function. You're familiar with the codes of conduct, Agent Bristow. You knew these codes apply to you, even if you put to risk the lives of every man and woman working in the agency.","(Sydney sits down and cries.)","SYDNEY: Danny wasn't a risk... he was--he was just a man. He was--he was a doctor, he was just--","SLOANE: You listen to me. Information about this agency must be treated like a virus. There is only one response to a virus, and that response is containment. You put us in a compromised situation, and even though I despise the countermeasure, we have--","(Sydney lunges at him. Grabbing him by the throat, she pushes him back on his desk.)","SYDNEY: Stop saying \"we.\" Stop talking about the agency. You killed the man I love!","SLOANE: No, Agent Bristow. You did.","(She stops, lets him go while choking down tears. She turns to the door.)","SYDNEY: Let me out.","SLOANE: Sydney, I can't imagine how difficult this is for you.","SYDNEY: Let... me... out.","SLOANE: However, before you go anywhere, McCullough needs to see you. You see, you're a risk now, too.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Interrogation room. Sydney has electrodes on her head. Montage.)","AGENT MCCULLOUGH: Are you an operative of SD-6?","SYDNEY: Yes.","AGENT MCCULLOUGH: How long have you been an operative of SD-6?","SYDNEY: Seven years.","AGENT MCCULLOUGH: What is your identification and classification numbers with SD-6?","SYDNEY: My identification and classifcation numbers are...","AGENT MCCULLOUGH: Have you ever been so entertained by the cleverness of a crook that you thought he'd get away with it? Did you reveal information regarding SD-6 to Daniel Hecht? Did you ever lie? What is your relationship to Daniel Hecht? Do you believe that a person is a risk...","SYDNEY: Yes.","(He leaves.)","(Sydney goes up to the door and looks out the window. She watches Sloane speak to someone. She watches intently. He looks at her.)","(In the morning, Sydney finally leaves Credit Dauphin. She's tired and still has blood on her shirt. She sees her vehicle being towed.)","(Taiwan flashback. Sydney has red hair, the Man is in front of her.)","SYDNEY: Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I don't know what you put in that stuff. Wow. Wooo.","MAN: I'd rather not make this too painful.","SYDNEY: Me, too. Thanks. Glad we're on the same page. It's good.","(He comes closer.)","SYDNEY: Woahhhhhh...","MAN: Who are you working for? I'll not ask you again.","SYDNEY: Okay. Get a pen.","(He sits down and does so, taking out a pad of paper.)","SYDNEY: Write this down. E-M-E-T-I-B. You got that?","MAN: Yes.","SYDNEY: Okay. Now reverse it.","(He does. BITE ME. She laughs, he puts the pad away.)","SYDNEY: I've got bad news for you, man. I'm your worst enemy. I've got nothing to lose.","(One of the guards gives the man a black kit. He unzips it, showing the dentistry utensils.)","MAN: That's not exactly true. You have teeth.","(Danny's funeral. Francie holds Sydney's hand. She holds a flower in her hand. The people stand. Sydney hugs everyone. She cries. Sydney's father watches from a distance from his car. At the house, Sydney is crying. She looks at everyone talk. A little kid eats. Will's sister, who has flaming red hair comes up to Sydney, hugs. Will talks to a little kid on the sofa. His sister Amy comes up to them and kisses Will on the cheek. Francie and Sydney hug. Sydney cries.)","(In Sydney's bedroom, photos cover the top of her bed. She sits on the floor with a glass of wine, crying. She hits play on her answering machine.)","ANSWERING MACHINE: (Sydney) Hey, this is Sydney! (Danny) And this is Danny. I don't live here. (Sydney giggles) Leave me a message and I'll call you back! (Danny) Thank you. She meant to say \"Thank you.\" (Beep.)","(She listens to Danny and swallows her tears. She hits record.)","SYDNEY: Hey, this is Sydney. Leave me a message... Thank you.","(Class.)","PROFESSOR: She loved a man and she lost him. This isn't a new theme in literature, but it seems to be one of the favorites. For instance... what does Tennyson contribute to this subject?","(Sydney gets a page. She looks at it. It says \"Sloane - 911.\" She puts the pager back in her bag.)","PROFESSOR: Although his work is mildly out of fashion, at this time I'd like you to consider the exploration of this theme. It seems to be...","(Cut to outside. Sydney walks across campus. A car slows to a stop and Dixon gets out.)","DIXON: Sydney. Need a lift?","(She turns, and smiles.)","SYDNEY: No, thanks. I'm just going to the library.","(She hugs him warmly.)","SYDNEY: How've you been?","DIXON: Okay. You?","SYDNEY: Good. Better. Thanks for the flowers. It was nice.","DIXON: (nods) Look... Sloane's getting impatient. They gave you a month off. It's been three.","SYDNEY: I've talked to Sloane.","DIXON: Apparently not to their satisfaction.","SYDNEY: I know they sent you here to bring me back. I'm sorry. I just can't yet.","DIXON: They got word. FTL is finished building the Mueller device. Sloane wants it.","SYDNEY: They don't need me for that op.","DIXON: Yes, they do.","SYDNEY: Tell them to call Quintero.","DIXON: Quintero is dead. They got confirmation Thursday. They need you active, and if they don't have confidence in someone who is in as deep as you are... they will fix that problem.","(Sydney kisses his cheek.)","SYDNEY: I really am sorry. I'll see you.","DIXON: Sid...","(She keeps walking.)","(At a restaurant, Sydney sits alone and drinks coffee. She looks across the way and sees a couple holding hands. She smiles faintly.)","(Parking garage. Sydney walks to her truck. She takes her keys out and hits the alarm. She gets in and is about to clip her seat belt when she sees a red laser light pointed at her. She turns and sees two men in a car with a machine gun carrying a laser pointed right at her. She ducks, laying her body across the seat. Gunfire busts out the window. She fumbles with the keys and sticks them in the ignition with her head still on the seat, she throws the truck in reverse but the other car with the assassins blocks the way. Her trucks smashes into them. Sydney opens the passenger door and flies out, flopping down to the ground. She picks up her bag and starts running. The man with the gun gets out of the car, runs up to the truck with his gun pointed... to see she's not there.)","(Sydney running fast. The men following her with a gun. His partner in a car. She gets to the tower elevator, can't open it. She runs around a car and slides down, hiding behind it. Breathing heavily. Tires screech in the distance. She takes her cell phone out and dials.)","(Francie's house. Music plays in the background. She answers.)","FRANCIE: Hello?","(Sydney behind the car.)","SYDNEY: Francie, hi.","FRANCIE: Oh, hi. You want to hear the worst day ever?","SYDNEY: (whispering) Could you call my cell phone? I think the ringer is broken.","FRANCIE: Sid, I can barely hear you.","SYDNEY: Just call me right back!","FRANCIE: Okay...","(In the garage, the man with the gun walks around, looking. Suddenly, Sydney's cell phone rings loudly. Thinking he has her, he follows the sound. The cell phone sits on the ground, alone. Sydney comes from behind and kicks the gunman, hard. Punches him. The gun goes flying. He tries kicking her, she moves. He kicks her in the stomach, she gasps. She roundhouse kicks him. He tries kicking her in the head. She kicks him. She flings him on the hood of the car. Roundhouse kick once again. He pushes her on the car hood with one arm twisted behind her back. She takes the antennae off the car and flings it back, it hits the man in the face. He stumbles back. She takes this opportunity to kick him to the ground. He's slumped against a car. She kicks him once more, so hard that his head busts the window in the side door of the car. In the distance she hears the tires screeching, more people coming to get her. She bends down, grabs the man's gun with the laser on it, stands up, points the gun at the car coming at her... and stops.)","MR. BRISTOW: Get in!","SYDNEY: Daddy?!","(More tires screech.)","MR. BRISTOW: NOW!","(She grabs her phone and the gun and gets in her dad's car. Another car is right behind them. Inside the car, Sydney's father cocks a gun.)","SYDNEY: Dad, you have a gun!","(Her cell phone rings.)","FRANCIE: Hello...","SYDNEY: Yeah, it's working, I'll call you later.","FRANCIE: Just call me back. You are not going to believe the day I had.","SYDNEY: (looking at her dad) Me, too.","(She hangs up.)","MR. BRISTOW: Hang on.","(He starts going backwards while the car comes towards them. He shoots at the car.)","SYDNEY: Dad, what are you doing?!","(He makes a sharp turn so the car smashes into another car. Sydney and her dad drive away.)","MR. BRISTOW: There might be others. Put your seatbelt on.","(She does.)","MR. BRISTOW: You're going to have to accept that there are many things you won't understand tonight. The one thing you must understand is that the agency doesn't trust you anymore. And they're going to kill you unless you do as I say. I work for SD-6, just like you. Undercover at Genis Aerospace. You leave tonight. I've arraged a flight to France with a connection to Switzerland. You'll be red flagged at customs. I've given you new papers.","SYDNEY: I thought you sold airplane parts!","MR. BRISTOW: I don't sell airplane parts. I never sold airplane parts.","(They stop in a parking lot. A nearby car is parked with its headlights on.)","MR. BRISTOW: That car is taking you to the airport. I have to get back so they're not going to know.","SYDNEY: Who are you?","MR. BRISTOW: Sydney, get in that car! They're only waiting two minutes, then they leave. With or without you!","(She pinches at his face, making sure he's real.)","MR. BRISTOW: There is no time for you not to trust me! You don't know who you're dealing with!","SYDNEY: What does that mean? Who the hell am I dealing with?","MR. BRISTOW: About a decade ago, a pool of agents went free-lance. Russian, Libyan, Chinese, Ethopian--","SYDNEY: The alliance of twelve.","MR. BRISTOW: What do you know about them?","SYDNEY: They're an enemy of the United States. They're mercenaries. They're dangerous.","MR. BRISTOW: I'm one of them. SD-6 is not a black ops division of the C.I.A. SD-6 is a branch of the alliance. You work for the very enemy you thought you were fighting.","SYDNEY: That's impossible...","MR. BRISTOW: Then tell me why you've never been to Langley. You've been lied to! All lower level agents have been lied to. I am trying to help you here!","SYDNEY: So, you're saying I'm working for the enemy and that you are the enemy.","MR. BRISTOW: Sydney, this is your last chance. You have to go.","(The car leaves.)","SYDNEY: Who are you to come to me and act like a father? If you want to help me, stay away from me.","(She gets out of the car.)","(Sydney running down a street, slow motion, crying.)","(In the flashforward scenes. Sydney, red hair, sits on a chair with her mouth pried open with a device. The Man has a tooth pulling utensil in his hand.)","MAN: Okay. Let's try one more time. Who do you work for?","SYDNEY: Ahhh... ahhh...","(They remove it off her mouth.)","SYDNEY: Ah... I just want to say... start with the teeth in the back. If you don't mind.","(They put it back on her mouth. The man pulls her tooth out, without medication. Sydney squirms and screams.)","(Newspaper office. A girl gets the mail and walks to the back of the room to find Will at his desk.)","WILL: (on phone) Wait, wait, wait. No, let me just--well, the newspaper is doing YOU a favor. Yeah. (hangs up)","GIRL: I'm doing a pantry run. You want anything?","WILL: No, thanks. Is Lucy back in her office?","GIRL: (walking away) What do you think?","WILL: Does she even work here anymore?","GIRL: (off screen) I hope not.","(Will opens his mail and finds a letter. All it says is \"I'm on the roof. -S\" He smiles.)","(On the roof, Sydney waits, wearing the same clothes as the night before.)","WILL: Meet me on the roof. That's perfect, though. Some guy just totally hung up on me. I got an hour to kill, want to get some lunch? (sees the bruises) What happened to your face?","SYDNEY: I need your help. I can't explain this. You've just got to trust me.","WILL: Of course.","SYDNEY: I need to borrow one of your sister's credit cards with at least a three thousand dollar limit. I'll pay her back. Can you get it?","WILL: Sid, what is this? You owe somebody some money?","SYDNEY: There's something else. Do you know where Amy keeps her passport?","(Bathroom. Sydney has red dye on her head. She lifts up the passport of Amy's, adds a mole. She puts the same mole on her face.)","(Airport. Sydney, dressed in a red sleeveless shirt and a kilt with a choker, walks to the check in counter.)","AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: Okay. How many bags are you checking through to Taipei?","SYDNEY: Just this one. What lipstick do you use? I love it.","AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: Alex Jane lips. Concord Grape.","SYDNEY: It totally pops.","AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: Thanks. Can I see your passport?","SYDNEY: You ever try this one? I think it's too light for me. What do you think?","AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: It's pretty on you.","SYDNEY: Thanks.","AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: Window or aisle?","(On the plane, Sydney has her arms crossed, thinking.)","(In Taiwan, she walks down the street. In a bathroom, she strips and dresses all in black. Once outside, she tries breaking into a van. When a man pulls up behind her, gets out and blows smoke in her face as he walks by her, Sydney stares at his car. Later, driving the car, Sydney comes to a stop outside the building before where the party was. She gets some rope from her bag and gets out of the vehicle. Outside the building, Sydney spots two armed guards. She climbs up the side of the building. On the roof, she goes down an air vent. She climbs down some stairs and has a flashlight in her hand. She looks around, then runs. She goes down the same stairs she went down before. She tries breaking the lock. Finally unlocking it, she turns and sees a guy who hits her on the head with his gun. Sydney falls to the ground.)","(Flashforward. Sydney, blood coming from her mouth after getting her tooth pulled, comes to. The man enters and pulls a chair up next to her.)","MAN: The pill I gave you helps the pain. I could tell because you stopped screaming so loudly. That medication, however, only lasts for two hours. And it's been two hours almost. So, (he gets up) you have a choice. Which way to go next?","(He holds out the bottle of pills and the tooth remover.)","MAN: Tell me, and you get one more.","(Sydney mumbles.)","MAN: Louder!","SYDNEY: I can't...","MAN: Who do you work for, you pretty little girl?","(Sydney head bunts him. He falls to the ground. She flips her chair over so the back of the chair chokes him across his throat. She gets the handcuffs undone, grabs the man and the chair, sits him down on it and handcuffs him. Sydney breaks a broom over her knee, snapping it in two and comes near him with the tooth remover.)","MAN: No... no...","(She jabs it in his crotch. He screams. Two guards enter. She hits the first guy with the broom. Hits the second guy. She kicks the first man, hits the second with the piece of broom and roundhouse kicks the first. She grabs the two guns from the men and leaves.)","(Control room sees her running. Alerts someone with walkie talkie.)","(The door of the lab, that she tried to pick the lock of. Sydney shoots the lock with her guns and kicks the door down. In the lab, she finds the instrument that is now working in a case. A small ball is floating above it. She sprays the lock with the fire extinguisher and smashes the lock. Sydney's hand goes inside and unlatches it. The ball explodes. She stares. Outside, two men run down the hall toward her. Sydney takes the device and covers it with a cloth. The men enter, yell, shoots. She ducks. They shoot. She screams and shoots. No more bullets. Sydney spots the gas line for the experiment and spots a nearby screwdriver. She kicks the screwdriver in the air, catches it, and prys the gas line up. The gas starts hissing. The men move over through the lab while Sydney inches away. Once they're near the gas line, Sydney stands up to get their attention.)","SYDNEY: Hey, guys.","(They shoot. The fire from their guns ignites the gas and explodes the lab. Sydney runs down the hall with the instrument in her arms. Guards run to the building but Sydney goes down the wall using her rope. She breaks the window of the car and climbs in, driving away.)","(Credit Dauphin.)","SLOANE: (on phone) Yeah. Send her in. Now. Make sure everybody knows.","(Sydney walks through the building, blood coming from her mouth, flaming red hair, black clothes, device in her arms. She walks by Dixon, who stands up and watches her. Sydney marches into Sloane's office and puts it down on his desk. He moves the sheet away, admires it.)","SYDNEY: I'm back.","SLOANE: All right.","SYDNEY: I'm taking a week off. I've got mid-terms.","(She walks out.)","(Down the street in broad daylight, Sydney walks down the street. She enters a business building and talks to a receptionist.)","RECEPTIONIST: May I help you?","SYDNEY: I need to speak to the director. Mr. Devlin.","RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry, Mr. Devlin is not available. May I leave a message?","SYDNEY: Tell him he has a walk-in.","RECEPTIONIST: (on phone) We have a walk-in for Mr. Devlin. Yes.","(She comes around the counter.)","RECEPTIONIST: Come with me, please.","(They walk across the floor. We see that a large emblem for the C.I.A. is on the floor.)","(Inside, Vaughn walks through the busy room holding a paper cup of coffee and a sandwich on a plate.)","VAUGHN: I know, uh, I'll get to it. I swear.","(He keeps walking and enters a room. Sydney is furiously writing at the table while another agent - Mr. Weiss - stands.)","VAUGHN: Some more coffee. And something to eat.","(She doesn't even look up.)","VAUGHN: I'm just, uh, let Mr. Weiss know if you need anything else.","SYDNEY: (still writing) New pen. This one's dying.","(Weiss hands a pen over. Sydney uncaps it and keeps writing.)","SYDNEY: Thanks.","(Vaughn gives Weiss a look and leaves.)","(Inside Vaughn's office. Sydney sits in the chair in front of the desk. She sees a picture of a dressed down Vaughn embracing a cute blonde girl. He comes in and moves the picture away.)","VAUGHN: Well, this could be very interesting.","SYDNEY: Does that mean I'm in?","VAUGHN: No, not yet. They're reviewing your statement. You wrote a lot.","SYDNEY: I know.","VAUGHN: I mean, it's like Tolstoy long. Devlin says it could take weeks to verify. But I know we could use another double agent in SD-6.","(Sydney shakes her head.)","VAUGHN: So I'll be in contact. I'm going to get you out of here, keep you concealed. Why are you shaking your head?","SYDNEY: Because you said \"another.\"","VAUGHN: So?","SYDNEY: So, if you really had one already you most likely wouldn't tell me until I was authenticated.","VAUGHN: Unless I had an instinct about you.","SYDNEY: My bet is you don't. Have another double.","VAUGHN: We might.","SYDNEY: But you want me to believe that you do so that on the off chance that I'm looking to be a triple agent, I'll report back there was an existing mole to upset the balance of my agency.","VAUGHN: I'm not trying to play you.","SYDNEY: Yeah. We'll see.","VAUGHN: I have an instinct. (stares at her) You need a dentist. Do you have one? Because I can get you a name.","SYDNEY: I'm all right.","VAUGHN: I'll be right back.","(He leaves.)","(Graveyard. Sydney, now with her brown hair, puts flowers on Danny's grave. She turns to see her dad.)","MR. BRISTOW: I wanted to say I'm sorry.","SYDNEY: You don't have to. I'm back at work, I guess you know that.","MR. BRISTOW: And I'm sorry about Danny. There was nothing I could do.","SYDNEY: I'd like to be alone, if you don't mind.","MR. BRISTOW: I know what it's like to lose someone--","SYDNEY: Listen, I don't know what you expect. Just because we're working on the same side, just because I know the truth about you now, that doesn't change a thing between us. I accept what I'm doing now because I have to. That doesn't mean I have to accept you.","MR. BRISTOW: (takes out a phone) I asked Devlin if I could come tell you myself. They verified your statement. You're in. I read what you wrote. I appreciate you not naming me. That was... kind.","(Pause.)","SYDNEY: You're a C.I.A.","MR. BRISTOW: You don't know how dangerous this is, Sydney. Doing what I do. I wish you would have taken me up on Switzerland.","SYDNEY: How do I know what you're telling me is the truth?","MR. BRISTOW: I guess we'll just have to learn to trust each other.","(He gives her the phone and walks away. It rings.)","SYDNEY: Hello?"],"Show Title":"Alias","Episode Number":"01x01","Episode Title":"Truth Be Told","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Alias_02x07.json","Recap":["Sydney races to find a cure for Vaughn, but in order to find the antidote, Sydney must make a deal with Sark that could endanger Sloane's life. Meanwhile, Will continues his research for Vaughn and discovers some disturbing inconsistencies involving 20-year-old standardized IQ tests. Sydney finds out that Vaughn has a girlfriend."],"Transcript":["(Continuing from last week. Vaughn's shaving when he sees blood coming from his fingernails. He reaches over and takes out a box of Band-Aids. He puts them on his fingertips. Buttons up a white shirt. Takes his silver watch and puts it on. He looks in the mirror. Later, he's on his cell phone, still at his home.)","DR. NICHOLAS: This is Dr. Nicholas calling.","VAUGHN: Thanks for getting back to me so soon. Uh, the thing is, I think I have a problem.","DR. NICHOLAS: I know you're worried, but we ran every available diagnostic test for viral infections. Everything that could be related to your exposure to the fluid inside the Rambaldi device. They all came back negative.","VAUGHN: Yes, I know. Under my fingernails, there's blood.","(Pause.)","DR. NICHOLAS: Okay, here's what we're going to do. The virus isn't airborne, but as a precaution I'm going to send an isolation unit to bring you in.","VAUGHN: Don't send anyone. I'll come to you. But first, there's someone I need to see.","DR. NICHOLAS: See them later! Right now, you stay put!","(Vaughn hangs up.)","(In his car, he hesitantly looks at his bandaged fingertips.)","(Vaughn is at the entrance to Irina's cell. The bars move aside as he walks down the hall. Inside her cell, Irina sits on the floor reading a book.)","IRINA: I know what you did for me. Proving Sydney's father betrayed her in Madagascar. I would have been executed for that. Thank you.","VAUGHN: I didn't do it for you.","(Irina gets up and walks to the glass. Vaughn looks down, avoiding eye contact.)","IRINA: While that might be true, I owe you my life.","VAUGHN: You owe me my father's life. In Cap Ferrat, I saw Khasinau experiment on people who had been exposed to the liquid from inside the red ball. I want to know what he learned from doing that.","IRINA: If he found a cure?","VAUGHN: Yes. I know the terms are you only cooperate with Sydney, but this disease, it works quickly. I don't have much time.","IRINA: You're the one who's sick.","VAUGHN: Yes.","IRINA: Tell me how you feel about my daughter.","VAUGHN: That's none of your business.","IRINA: Are you in love with her?","VAUGHN: I don't know why that matters to you.","IRINA: I don't have the advantage of observing casual behavior. I'm curious.","VAUGHN: Help me, and I'll tell you what you want to know.","(At Francie's restaurant, Sydney fixes some flowers in a vase while Will fills up many salt shakers.)","WILL: Okay, tell me if this sounds weird. I mean, can we talk here?","SYDNEY: Hang on.","(She rifles around in her purse and produces a lipstick. She uncaps it, turns it up, and it beeps. She sets it down on the table.)","SYDNEY: Bug killer. In case anyone's listening.","WILL: Seriously? In a lipstick?","SYDNEY: What were you going to say?","WILL: I looked up twenty years of standardized tests to see if any of those IQ-type questions Vaughn's interested in were ever used.","SYDNEY: And?","WILL: They weren't. At least in none of the tests I looked up. But there was a year missing and the educational testing service didn't have a hard copy or a disk. I mean, it is like 1982 never existed.","SYDNEY: Maybe someone had a reason to make it disappear.","(Francie comes over with a pot and a mixing spoon.)","FRANCIE: You've got to try this bouillabaisse that I'm making. Here.","(She gives the spoon to Sydney. She tries it.)","FRANCIE: What do you think? Too spicy, too salty?","SYDNEY: Perfect.","WILL: I'll be done in, like, two minutes.","FRANCIE: Okay, great.","(She goes back to the kitchen.)","WILL: So it's weird, right?","SYDNEY: There was an operation called Project Christmas. My father developed it. It used standardized tests, asking specific questions to identify children the agency could later recruit.","WILL: Children?","SYDNEY: It was an experiment. The KGB sent my mother here to steal details about the program. About that time, the CIA stopped the operation. Vaughn thinks maybe Russian intelligence is still running it to recruit Americans.","(Her cell rings.)","SYDNEY: Hello?","KENDALL: We need you at operations.","(They hang up.)","WILL: I'll tell Francie you said good-bye.","(Sydney walks in the ops center and finds Kendall.)","SYDNEY: Hey, what's up?","KENDALL: It's Vaughn. He's developed symptoms.","SYDNEY: What symptoms? The doctor said we were fine.","KENDALL: Yes, but his exposure was far more extensive. He's developed some kind of a blood coagulation disorder.","SYDNEY: Do we-- are you sure that it--","KENDALL: We're sure.","(Jack walks up to them.)","SYDNEY: Where is he?","JACK: He came to see your mother about an antidote. Shortly after leaving the facility, he collapsed.","(Irina's cell. She sits on her bed reading her book. Sydney walks up to the glass.)","SYDNEY: Is there an antidote?","IRINA: Yes. It can be found in Paldiski. It's a former Soviet training base for nuclear submarine personnel.","SYDNEY: Who operates the base now?","IRINA: When Estonia gained independence, the local authorities graciously accepted our offer to take over the facility. I can tell y8ou were it is in the facility, but even if you can get it, I can't guarantee anything.","(Upstairs at the ops center, Kendall, Sydney, Jack and a specialist stand around in a circle.)","SPECIALIST: This antidote sounds almost as dangerous as the infection. If Derevko is telling us the truth...","JACK: Which is a valid question.","SPECIALIST: Then the serum is a blood derivative. Meaning you just can't get the medecine and inject it into the sick patient.","SYDNEY: How would something like this work?","SPECIALIST: You need blood from the patient. In this case, Vaughn. The equipment that manufactures the serum reads the blood and creates a custom genetic-specific antidote for that particular patient.","SYDNEY: I'll need to take some of Vaughn's blood with me.","SPECIALIST: Yes.","(A man enters the circle.)","KENDALL: This is Agent Chapman, he'll be running the op from here while your father leads the team into Paldiski.","CHAPMAN: According to Derevko, the antidote is located at three separate decontamination stations within the former nuclear facility. We'll launch a zodiac a couple miles up the coast and drop you in as close as we can.","KENDALL: The plane's ready. You can spec out the mission in flight. You've got thirty minutes with Vaughn, maybe less.","SYDNEY: How much time does Vaughn have?","SPECIALIST: There doesn't seem to be a consistent pattern, but the virus could act quickly.","SYDNEY: Are we talking weeks, days? Just tell me.","SPECIALIST: Given his level of exposure, three days would be my guess.","JACK: I'll buy time for us with Sloane. Go.","(Helicopter lands outside the US Naval Medical Center. Inside, Sydney walks up to Vaughn's bed where he appears to be sleeping in a hospital gown, tubes and monitors everywhere. Sydney puts on some rubber gloves and sits down beside him. He wakes up and looks at her sleepily.)","VAUGHN: Hi.","SYDNEY: Hi. I talked to my mother, there's an antidote. I'm going to go get it.","VAUGHN: How dangerous?","SYDNEY: Getting the serum? Nah, it'll be easy. But I need to take some of your blood with me, okay?","(He looks away, in pain. She ties a band around his arm and takes the needle. Sydney injects him with it, taking he blood. His head lolls around. She caps the needle.)","SYDNEY: Couple of days, you'll be doing wind sprints.","(Vaughn takes her hand.)","VAUGHN: Be careful. Syd... sorry I'm so tired.","(Still holding her hand, his eyes close. Sydney sniffles a little and suddenly the monitors start beeping and Dr. Nicholas rushes over, pushing Sydney out of the way.)","SYDNEY: Vaughn! Vaughn!","DR. NICHOLAS: He's bleeding internally!","(Out in the hallway, several doctors push Vaughn's bed down the hall to another room.)","FEMALE DOCTOR: Shall we prepare for a lavage?","DR. NICHOLAS: Yes, have you called the blood bank?","FEMALE DOCTOR: They've already typed and crossed for six units of packed RBCs.","DR. NICHOLAS: Have you reached Dr. Simon?","FEMALE DOCTOR: He's not on call, but Dr. Carlson is on his way in--","(They take Vaughn in another room. Sydney, who was trailing behind, approaches a nurse.)","SYDNEY: Wait, wait, wait! Wait a minute, what's going on? Is he going to be all right?","NURSE: We don't know, but you have to wait here. Your designated cover -- you're with the state department bureau of arms control. Your name is Rita Stevens, give no details about his illness.","(A blonde haired woman goes to Sydney.)","WOMAN: Excuse me, did they tell you anything?","SYDNEY: No.","WOMAN: The paramedics called. \"What was his last meal? Is he allergic to any medication?\" I got to the hospital as fast as I could... So you work with Michael?","SYDNEY: Yeah. We're in the same bureau at state. I'm Rita.","WOMAN: I'm Alice. I'm listed as his emergency contact. I'm Michael's girlfriend. Excuse me.","(Crying, Alice walks away.)","(Sloane sits in his office, at his desk. He hits the button to open the door when someone knocks. Jack enters.)","JACK: I was contacted by an informant in Baku. He indicated that the triad has set up a listening post near the Armenian border. I took the liberty of assigning the recon op to Sydney. I'll be on the next plane myself.","SLOANE: I went ahead with the exhumation. I opened Emily's grave. It was empty.","JACK: Have you checked with the funeral home? Detailed a forensics unit to the gravesite?","SLOANE: I saw her, Jack.","JACK: Maybe. You can't be sure.","SLOANE: Emily's alive. And she knows what I did. So I am dead to her.","JACK: If the Alliance finds out about this from another source--","SLOANE: I just got off the phone with Christophe. I told him that someone was trying to make it look like I faked Emily's death in order to secure my position.","JACK: It was the smart play.","SLOANE: I'm not so sure. Even if they believe me, the timing might make it seem like I was looking for an excuse for my recent performance.","JACK: Are there concerns?","SLOANE: Since I was made a partner in the Alliance, SD-6 has consistently stumbled in its operations. We lost the terahertz wave camera. We failed to retrieve the formula for zero-point energy. We didn't acquire Derevko's operations manual.","JACK: The situation regarding Emily has been a distraction. Informing them puts these setbacks in context.","SLOANE: Christophe wnat sme to meet with him in Tokyo. I need a victory, Jack. I need to bring something tangible to the organization.","JACK: We have an asset in custody downstairs who is familiar with Derevko's operation. I suggest we take advantage of that.","(Klaus Richter is on a table in the conversation room. SD-6's doctor who almost tortured Sydney before Rusik was killed last season, stands behind Sloane.)","SLOANE: As the virus progresses, it causes something called ascending paralysis. Your nervous system is being poisoned from your feet up. You see, the paralysis is affecting the nerves that control your ability to breathe. Soon, you will suffocate. Interestingly, you still have feeling, but you're paralyzed. You can still feel both pleasure... and pain. Tell me where is Derevko's base of operations, hmm?","RICHTER: Please...","(Sloane looks at the torture doctor. He takes an object out that hisses and then produces a flame like a torch. He presses it down on Richter. Richter screams in pain.)","SLOANE: I want a location.","RICHTER: Aaaah... (sobbing) Smila. Smila.","(On the side of a road, Will waits. A car drives up and Abby -- his British coworker from the newspaper -- climbs out. She walks over to him with a business-sized envelope in her hands.)","WILL: Hey. Thanks for meeting me.","ABBY: So I did the work you asked me to do, but please don't tell me you're chasing some alleged CIA conspiracy again.","WILL: No. I'm just helping out a friend, that's all.","ABBY: Well, you can tell your friend the questions he's interested in weren't on the test in '82.","WILL: Are you sure?","ABBY: Those ridiculously difficult spatial relationship questions? The ones about why rainbows occur and why you have to be standing behind the sun to see them?","WILL: Yeah.","ABBY: Not on there. Sorry.","WILL: Huh.","ABBY: Come on, off the record. What's this all about?","(On the plane to Estonia, Jack gives Sydney the run down.)","JACK: These are propulsion boots. You can do five knots with them. We drop you a hundred yards offshore. You should be at the pier in under two minutes.","(He picks up a gun with a silencer.)","JACK: Heckler & Koch P-11 underwater pistol. Holds five rounds of tranq darts. Thing's virtually silent. Good luck.","(In Paldiski, Sydney goes though the water with the propulsion boots. She reaches the side of the building and climbs the ladder up. She takes out two guards with her P-11 and grabs one of their security badges.)","SYDNEY: I'm at stage one, outside the facility.","(Back in LA at the ops center, Chapman and Kendall listen with headsets.)","KENDALL: Copy that, Mountaineer. We're standing by.","(Sydney enters the main part of the building wearing a yellow biohazard protection suit. She sees another worker taking a barrel so she does too. As she walks by, she sees Sark in the control room with a few others.)","SYDNEY: I just spotted Sark.","KENDALL: I don't need to remind you to stay out of sight.","(She goes through the room and enters the decontamination center.)","JACK: (voice over) Our intel indicates that to use the serum generator, you need the security pass code.","(Flashback to on the plane. He gives her a small computer the size of a cordless phone.)","JACK: The jack in this computer, it's got a satellite link that will let us get into the system and provide us with the code you need.","(Back in the center, Sydney takes out the computer and inserts the jack into theirs.)","SYDNEY: I've got sat link. You should be receiving data now.","CHAPMAN: Roger, Mountaineer. Stand by for the pass code. 2664729.","(Sydney enters the numbers as she relays them back.)","SYDNEY: 26647--","CHAPMAN: Wait.","SYDNEY: What?","CHAPMAN: The generators are peripheral to the main system.","SYDNEY: I don't understand.","CHAPMAN: The machine is connected to their central security systems. If you try to generate the serum, their security system will be alerted.","SYDNEY: Can we circumvent the system?","CHAPMAN: Not from here.","KENDALL: Mountaineer, abort the op and head back. We'll find another way to--","SYDNEY: Abort? We don't have time to find something else!","KENDALL: If you use the machine, they'll know you're there.","SYDNEY: Then I'll run fast.","(She punches in the last of the numbers.)","KENDALL: You've been ordered to abort, Mountaineer, do you copy?","(Sydney finishes the procedure by inserting a drop of blood into the machine. The computer starts analyzing the exposure levels in Vaughn's blood. In the control room, one of the employees takes off his headset and goes to Sark.)","CONTROL GUY: Sir, someone has accessed the decontamination room.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Inside the room, Sydney hears the alarm wail as the machine synthesizes the dosage. When it's completed, she takes the serum and walks out. A few guards shoot at her. She army rolls out of the way and takes the fire extinguisher off the wall. When one of the guards goes to her, she hits him in the head with the extinguisher. She kicks the other guard and hits him with the back of his gun. He falls to the ground. Sydney, now with the guard's gun, runs down some stairs on her way out. She opens a door, running and gets to the next door. Locked. She goes back, but that door is now locked. She looks up and above her is the control room windows, with Sark looking down at her.)","SARK: Agent Bristow. Those pipes are rigged to disperse ammonia flurochloride. Wonderful for decontaminating metals and concrete. Not so good on organic materials, such as your suit. Or your skin.","(She cocks her gun and shoots at the glass protecting Sark. He closes his eyes as the bullets bounce off the bulletproof glasses. He doesn't even flinch.)","SARK: You and I, we're destined to work together. I truly believe that.","(He hits a button and the ammonia starts pouring down on her.)","SARK: Of course, any future collaboration requires my turning the sprinkler system off.","(Sydney looks as her suit is being disintegrated, melting away. She looks up.)","SARK: Notice your suit is already being eaten away. I'd give it another forty seconds. I could use your help. I need access to Arvin Sloane.","SYDNEY: Why?","SARK: Because I intend to kill him.","SYDNEY: I can get you to Sloane, but only if you promise to let me keep the antidote.","SARK: No. Sloane first. Then you'll get back your precious antidote.","(Sydney slowly nods in acceptance of the deal.)","(A naked Sydney stands in an industrial shower, hands over her breasts while men in suits scrub her down with large brushes.)","SYDNEY: (voice over) Sark had me taken to the decontamination room. He let me go. I came back here to Los Angeles.","KENDALL: And Sark never asked you who the antidote was for?","SYDNEY: No. He didn't seem to care.","KENDALL: What exactly did you promise Sark?","(At the operations center, Sydney and Kendall are talking with Jack standing behind them, observing.)","SYDNEY: That I would render Sloane unconscious, and deliver him to Sark.","KENDALL: So he could kill him.","SYDNEY: Yes.","KENDALL: There are just so many problems with this that I don't even know where to begin.","SYDNEY: How about we start with Vaughn?","KENDALL: Do I need to remind you that the American intelligence, Agent Bristow--","SYDNEY: You said yourself that Vaughn is in critical condition!","KENDALL: --Are not in the business of committing murder!","SYDNEY: Arvin Sloane killed my fiance. I have had plently of opportunities to return the favor, but I have chosen not to because, yes, I know, it's not what we do. It's what he does and it's reprehensible! But we have no choice here! Vaughn could be dead in two days!","KENDALL: Well, we'll do our best to prevent that. Agent Bristow, you don't collaborate with the enemy like this!","SYDNEY: What the hell would you have done?! There is NO choice here!","JACK: (quietly) Sydney--","SYDNEY: I am NOT going to do nothing!","JACK: Give us a minute, would you?","(Kendall leaves.)","SYDNEY: Don't try and convince me not to work with Sark!","JACK: That's not what I'm doing. I'm on your side here. We can't lose Vaughn.","SYDNEY: So what do we do?","JACK: We don't go through Kendall. Push him, and he'll run it through channels. This needs to be handled quietly.","(Marshall's office. He's working on a polar bear skin rug, inspecting the fur intently.)","JACK: (voice over) Sloane is scheduled to attend an Alliance meeting in Tokyo. I'll find out the details of his itinerary.","(Jack enters the office.)","JACK: My S.T.U. is not recognizing my crypto-ignition key. I need it fixed.","MARSHALL: Fine. Do you know that polar bears can't be detected by infrared photography? Their fur emits no heat. Nothing. Nada. Zip.","(Jack gives him his trademark cold stare.)","MARSHALL: I guess I thought maybe it would be applicable to something I-- Crypto-ignition key. I got to do that from the server room. Excuse me.","(He clears his throat and runs out. Jack calmly walks over to Marshall's computer and starts typing.)","(At Francie's restaurant, Will looks at the tests. Francie comes over and sits down across from him.)","FRANCIE: What's that?","WILL: Oh, it's one of those standardized tests kids take. A friend from the newspaper is interested in me maybe tutoring his kid.","FRANCIE: (flipping through) \"Reading comprehension essay. Based on our invasion of Grenada...\"?","WILL: Yeah. You know, it was weird. The only test I could download was from 1982. Sort of the height of the Reagan ear, Cold War indoctrination.","FRANCIE: Well, back when I was listening to Duran Duran every single day my uncle was one of the marines Reagan sent into Grenada. The invasion was in 1983.","(Will meets with Abby again.)","WILL: I mean, why would the Department of Education give you a fake test? How can I get a hold of a copy of the original test?","ABBY: For the love of God, Will, have you lost your mind?","WILL: I mean, the whole test is a fake.","ABBY: I got it from the Department of Education.","WILL: Abby, Abby, look, I don't know exactly what this means but it could be important.","(Sloane's office with Jack.)","SLOANE: I spoke to our man in custody. All he gave us was a province in the Ukraine. Smila. I sent a team there to search for Derevko's headquarters. So far they've found nothing.","JACK: When do you leave for Tokyo?","SLOANE: I leave in one hour. I need you to help me, Jack. I need you to get Richter to talk, to tell us exactly where in Smila we could find Derevko's center of operations. If I go to Japan without something tangible, something valuable, I don't know what the Alliance might do.","(In the conversation room, the SD-6 torture doctor applies the torch to Richter's legs again. He screams.)","JACK: It doesn't have to end this way. You could be made very comfortable. All you have to do is give us an address.","RICHTER: Smila...","JACK: Yes, in the Ukraine. Where in Smila? All we need is an address.","(Richter starts sobbing. Sloane, who had been standing over to the side, comes up in Richter's face.)","SLOANE: Just tell me where the hell Derevko's operation is! You give me an address now, you son of a bitch! Where in Smila do we look?!","RICHTER: (sobbing) Smila... Smila is my wife.","(He starts laughing and sobbing.)","RICHTER: And I love her. I love her so much.","SLOANE: Just kill him.","(Will meets with someone in charge of the tests.)","PROFESSOR: You said 1982, right?","WILL: There's a serial number. FYB55L.","PROFESSOR: Popular test.","WILL: Popular?","PROFESSOR: I got a call once from someone at ETS. Said they were centralizing their files. They wanted my originals.","(He finds the folder and gives it to Will.)","WILL: Can you remember if you put any questions in about spatial reasoning?","PROFESSOR: Why would I do that? There's no statistical utility in asking questions maybe one in ten thousand first graders could answer.","(Will points to the sheet.)","WILL: Well, how would you explain a question like this, then? \"How can rainbows be seen? Only when the sun is behind the observer.\" PROFESSOR: This wasn't in the test I sent to ETS. I designe the questions, I proof the test booklets they print up, and then when they send the final corrected copies, I put them on file.","WILL: About how many first graders took this test?","PROFESSOR: They administered this in thirty-three states. That's over five million children.","(Self-storage building. Jack and Sydney meet.)","JACK: Sloane's on his way to Japan. He plans to stay at a Yakuza-run Ryokan, the Nyoshi Ginza. Use the numbers he gave you and contact Sark. Tell him we will hand him Sloane the night before his Alliance meeting.","SYDNEY: Tell me you agree with me, that we have no choice in this.","JACK: Of course we have a choice, and it's a moment I never wanted you to face. To kill someone. I'm not talking about self-defence, I'm talking about premeditated murder. To be there when the door closes on him for the last time. Knowing you are responsible. That is something you never came close to considering before getting to know your mother.","(In Tokyo, women walk on the grounds of where Sloane is staying, dressed in full geisha outfits. Sydney, in her own geisha uniform, walks in.)","SYDNEY: I'm on the grounds.","(Sark, in a parked car outside, talks to her via transmitter.)","SARK: Good. My associate just arrived to meet your father.","(In Los Angeles, Jack stands outside the US Naval Medical Center where Vaughn is. A car drives up and the back window comes down.)","JACK: Is that the antidote?","ASSOCIATE: Yes. However, the briefcase is security coded with a secondary system wired to a remote detonator.","JACK: As I expected.","ASSOCIATE: Only Mr. Sark has the security code. Until I receive word from him to release the serum, the case remains closed.","(Back in Tokyo, a geisha prepares towels for a massage and rub down. Sloane enters wearing a robe. They gesture at the bed. He takes it off and sits down, looking a little depressed. Outside, Sydney walks and comes to the building.)","SARK: Good luck, Sydney.","SYDNEY: I don't need you to wish me luck, you son of a bitch.","SARK: That's a wonderful attitude.","(She walks up and nods to a gentleman guarding the outside. He speaks Japanese to her. She answers him, probably telling him that she works there. He asks a question and she flips him over, elbowing him in the face. Someone else comes. She hits him with her fan and he kicks her. She does a back flip and kicks him in the crotch, then in the head. He falls. A geisha rubs Sloane's legs. Sydney walks over a bridge and enters the room. She comes in and speaking Japanese to the geisha, gets her to leave. She's now alone with Sloane. He speaks Japanese to her and she answers. Sydney starts the massage.)","SLOANE: Oh... God, I'm tense. Not a big surprise. I saw a man die yesterday.","(He turns over to look at her.)","SLOANE: Do you understand?","(Sydney speaks Japanese, shaking her head.)","SLOANE: Yeah. He was in incredible pain, but it was the love he had for his wife that sustained him.","(She takes a pin from her wig and pulls the end off with her teeth.)","SLOANE: I loved my wife, too. But I had to take action.","(Sydney jabs him in the back of the neck with the pin.)","SLOANE: No...","(He turns over, in pain, and then falls on the bed, unconscious. Sydney runs out and alerts people in Japanese.)","SARK: You are so good, do you know that? (on walkie talkie) Send the ambulance.","(Sark's paramedics takes Sloane out, wearing a mask on his face. They put him inside their ambulance. Sark walks up to Sydney, who is watching.)","SARK: It went well. Look, when I said \"Good luck\" before, I wasn't mocking you.","SYDNEY: Call in for your man to release the serum.","SARK: (on phone) Hand over the antidote. The security code is 10-11-92.","(In Los Angeles, in the lobby of the medical center, the associate and Jack sit on a bench together. The associate punches in the numbers and opens the briefcase. Jack takes the vial.)","JACK: You'll stay here until we've tested it.","(He goes inside.)","(In Tokyo, Sark climbs in the ambulance with Sloane and his men. Sark looks at Sydney.)","SARK: It was nice working with you.","(Sydney looks at Sloane on the stretcher. Last chance to stop them. She doesn't. The ambulance drives away.)","(Los Angeles. Vaughn is in bed, without the tubes and monitors but still in his hospital gown. He wakes up slowly and looks around, a bit dazed. Jack sits next to his bed.)","VAUGHN: What's happening?","JACK: You've been asleep for forty hours.","VAUGHN: Am I dying?","JACK: Almost. Sydney got the antidote. The doctors say your blood levels are looking good.","VAUGHN: How did she do it?","JACK: She had Sloane killed.","(Sydney walks into the SD-6 offices, heading for her desk. She looks in and sees Sloane's empty office. She removes her jacket at her desk and sees someone in the conference room. Sydney walks over, and nearly runs into Sloane.)","SLOANE: Sydney. Good morning.","SYDNEY: Good morning.","SLOANE: You know Mr. Sark.","(Standing beside him in a suit, is Sark.)","SARK: I don't think we've ever been officially introduced.","SLOANE: Mr. Sark is now cooperating with us in our ongoing search for Derevko and the remains of her company.","SYDNEY: He's cooperating.","SLOANE: This is a strategic alliance, Agent Bristow. Debrief him. Take down everything he knows about Derevko and we'll see and decide about what goes on after that.","(Sloane leaves the two of them alone.)","SARK: Agent Bristow, working with you--","(Sydney cuts him off, gestures with her head.)","SARK: Don't worry. I pulsed the bugs. We can reminisce.","SYDNEY: What are you doing here? How?","SARK: I took the ambulance to a remote location. And then I revived him.","(Flashback to Tokyo and inside the ambulance. Sloane is sitting up.)","SARK: Here's the situation. Rambaldi's true aim is a puzzle. I have certain pieces, you have others. We'll never solve his mystery, but together -- together, we cannot fail.","SLOANE: How do I know you have anything real to offer?","SARK: I can prove myself in two ways. The first is obvious. I intercepted communications indicating that there would be an assassination attempt on your life. Now as this conversation proves, I've prevented that.","SLOANE: How do I know you didn't plan the attempt in the first place?","SARK: Which brings me to my second piece of information.","(He takes out a folded piece of paper from his inside jacket pocket and hands it over. Sloane reads it and looks at Sark.)","(Back to the conference room.)","SYDNEY: What was on the piece of paper?","SARK: I'm afraid that's need-to-know.","(Downstairs at the ops center, Vaughn is pushed by someone in his wheelchair. He stops at the start of the hallway.)","VAUGHN: I got it from here, thanks.","(He gets up and walks down the hallway to Irina's cell.)","VAUGHN: You asked me some questions. I told you I'd answer them if you helped me. You did help me and I thank you for that.","IRINA: I didn't do it for you.","VAUGHN: I'm trying to live a normal life, which was always hard given what I do but it's gotten harder since I met your daughter. It's not that knowing her hasn't made my life better. It has. But it's also made it that much worse. I think I've said enough.","IRINA: The problem, Mr. Vaughn, is that to the one person who matters, you haven't said anything.","VAUGHN: Listen, this may not mean anything to you. This may not be something you can understand or appreciate, but we have rules. Very clear and important rules that govern the relationship between a handler and his asset.","IRINA: And between a man and a woman?","(Upstairs, Sydney waits. Vaughn comes up from visiting Irina and sees Sydney. He looks at her. She walks over, smiling.)","SYDNEY: Hi.","VAUGHN: Hi.","(She hugs him, crying.)","VAUGHN: Thank you.","(They break the hug.)","VAUGHN: I heard about Sark.","SYDNEY: Sloane actually brought Sark to the Alliance and presented him as their new ally.","VAUGHN: How did that go over?","SYDNEY: Apparently, Sark was a big hit. And thanks to me, Sloane's standing has never been higher.","VAUGHN: I understand you met Alice.","SYDNEY: She seems nice.","VAUGHN: Yeah, she is. She's a good person. We have a lot of history, we're trying to... You know we broke up.","SYDNEY: Yeah, you mentioned that.","VAUGHN: Yeah. A couple of months later, we saw each other at a friend's and--","SYDNEY: You don't have to explain.","VAUGHN: No, I know, but I want to. If things were the other way around...","SYDNEY: Seriously... don't explain. I'll see you tomorrow.","(He nods. She walks away. Vaughn watches her as Kendall rushes over.)","KENDALL: Jack briefed me. He and Sydney broke protocol but I'm glad it worked out.","VAUGHN: Excuse me.","(He starts walking to catch up with Sydney. She rounds a corner. Walking faster, Vaughn tries catching up with her. He turns a corner but she's gone. With a little smile on his face, he turns back.)"],"Show Title":"Alias","Episode Number":"02x07","Episode Title":"Counteragent","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Alias_02x15.json","Recap":["Sydney must make a life-defining decision regarding her future with CIA, while Sloane re-emerges and continues his obsessive quest to piece together the mysterious Rambaldi artifacts-with the reluctant aid of a kidnapped scientist named Neil Caplan. Meanwhile, Dixon's marriage is put to the test after he tells his wife the truth about his occupation."],"Transcript":["Morning after. Sydney and Vaughn face each other in bed, Vaughn with his eyes closed and a smile on his face.)","SYDNEY: How are we going to stay awake today?","VAUGHN: Who cares?","(He runs his hand along her shoulder.)","SYDNEY: Vaughn?","VAUGHN: How come you never call me Michael?","SYDNEY: I do sometimes. Vaughn?","VAUGHN: What?","SYDNEY: I'm graduating today.","VAUGHN: What? When the hell did you have time to take a class this year?","SYDNEY: I wasn't even going to go to the ceremony but... And I've been lying here remembering why I never gave school up and why I killed myself writing papers instead of... I don't know, accepting that I'd be an agent forever.","VAUGHN: You're going to quit the CIA, aren't you?","(Sydney nods.)","(CIA with Sydney, Kendall, and Jack.)","KENDALL: I'm afraid I can't endorse your resignation.","SYDNEY: Excuse me?","KENDALL: Well, with the Alliance gone, we got a hell of a mess to clean up.","SYDNEY: You don't need me for that.","KENDALL: Well, that's opinion. And what about Arvin Sloane, whom I think you would have a special interest in bringing to justice?","SYDNEY: Sloane is just a cog in a machine that doesn't exist anymore. He's wanted in forty countries. I did everything for the CIA I said I would, and I'm done.","KENDALL: Jack, you want to jump in here?","JACK: For years, I wanted nothing more than to see you live a normal life. However, your value to the CIA is irrefutable. So while this is ultimately your choice, I suggest that given the enormity of the last two weeks, you may not want to make life-altering decisions without a little more perspective.","SYDNEY: I've had two years of perspective! I am through letting Arvin Sloane control my life and I don't need your approval to resign! I told you as a courtesy!","KENDALL: Well, then, I will pay you the courtesy of informing you that if you leave this agency, you forfeit the clearance to see your mother.","SYDNEY: What, are you blackmailing me?","KENDALL: Civilians aren't authorized to be in this facility, let alone have access to a terrorist we can't even acknowledge is in our custody! In or out, kiddo? Can't have it both ways.","(Kendall walks away. Jack looks at Sydney.)","JACK: Legally, he's right. Ethically, he's an ass.","(Sydney walks down the long hall to Irina's cell. Irina smiles at her through the glass.)","IRINA: Congratulations. Your father told me about your success. What about your associates at SD-6? You had friends there, yes?","SYDNEY: I haven't seen them yet. I mean, they're still being debriefed. I'm sorry that I haven't been to see you in a while.","IRINA: Well, I understand. I'm sure this has been overwhelming for you.","SYDNEY: I graduate today.","IRINA: I know. I would think you'd be more relieved with SD-6 and the Alliance gone.","SYDNEY: I'm thinking about leaving the CIA. Which would mean giving up my clearance to see you.","IRINA: You're too forgiving, Sydney. Don't pretend I'm something I'm not. I've never been a real mother to you and... you don't owe me a second chance. If you make this decision about me, you're a fool. In fact, if you decide to stay I won't agree to see you anymore. Take care of yourself.","(Sydney takes a long look at Irina and then leaves. Irina puts her head down.)","(Aquarium museum. Large fish tanks line the walls. People walk around.)","TOUR GUIDE ANNOUNCER: By capturing on video a glimpse of this unique breeding ritual, we've improved our understanding of the reproduction of the weedy sea dragon.","(A little boy runs through, being chased by his mother, Mrs. Caplan.)","MRS. CAPLAN: Aaron! Aaron! Don't run!","AARON: I just want to go back to the jellyfish!","MRS. CAPLAN: Okay. Always make sure we can see you, okay? And hold on to your jacket, Aaron!","TOUR GUIDE ANNOUNCER: It seeks out cavelike areas in the stony walls of the ocean and adheres its eggs to the interior walls.","(Mr. Caplan walks behind them, his mind elsewhere. Mrs. Caplan takes Aaron over to the jellyfish tank.)","MRS. CAPLAN: Okay, so you're going to stay here, right?","AARON: Yes.","MRS. CAPLAN: You're gonna stay here?","AARON: Yeah!","MRS. CAPLAN: Okay.","AARON: Yeah.","MRS. CAPLAN: I'll be right over there with your daddy, okay?","(She walks over to Mr. Caplan.)","MRS. CAPLAN: Where are you?","MR. CAPLAN: Here. I'm here.","MRS. CAPLAN: Neil, it's Aaron's birthday. Your head's still at the blackboard.","MR. CAPLAN: Honey... I-I just... I need two more months, that's it. I-I am this close.","MRS. CAPLAN: I can't stand any more promises you don't keep!","MR. CAPLAN: I don't know how else to do this!","MRS. CAPLAN: Maybe you don't. There are other fields.","MR. CAPLAN: Once the polytechnic goes public with the design, I'll slow down. I mean, I'll stop. I promise.","MRS. CAPLAN: Think about your father. Aaron's growing up, and you're missing it.","MR. CAPLAN: Where is he?","(They look over to the jellyfish. Aaron's red jacket is on the ground and he's nowhere to be seen.)","TOUR GUIDE ANNOUNCER: Research done here in the museum has improved our understanding of the reproduction of this rare species...","MR. CAPLAN: Aaron!","MRS. CAPLAN: Aaron! Aaron! Excuse me, did you see a little boy? He's five-years-old, he's got a striped shirt on, he's got brown hair, his name is Aaron.","STRANGER: No. I'm sorry.","MRS. CAPLAN: Aaron!","MR. CAPLAN: I'll check the gift shop.","MRS. CAPLAN: Aaron!","(Mr. Caplan starts off for the gift shop. He turns a corner and Sark steps forward.)","SARK: Mr. Caplan. I believe I can help you locate your son. And your wife.","(Francie and Sydney and Will's. Francie and Will sit at the table, Will doing a crossword.)","WILL: It's a big day.","FRANCIE: Here she comes.","(Sydney steps out of her bedroom wearing her cap and gown.)","WILL: Oh there she--okay. Seriously? Oh, my God.","SYDNEY: Francie, what? Earrings, necklace? What do I need?","FRANCIE: Let's see...","(She gets up and takes a step closer.)","FRANCIE: You look beautiful.","(She gives Sydney a hug, her smile disappearing.)","FRANCIE: I'm so proud of you.","(Sydney seems to detect weird behavior.)","SYDNEY: Thank you.","(The telephone rings.)","WILL: What's a four-letter word for \"ice cream thickener\"?","SYDNEY: Agar. A-G-A-R.","FRANCIE: (on phone) Hello? Just a minute.","WILL: How'd you know that?","FRANCIE: Phone for you.","(Francie hands it over.)","SYDNEY: Hello?","SLOANE: Congratulations, Sydney. You have so many things to celebrate today. I, myself, am still coping with the pain and disappointment of learning that you and Jack were double agents. The two people I trusted most in the world.","WILL: How many \"S\"s in \"Massachusetts\"? Oh, sorry.","(Sydney leaves the room for privacy.)","SLOANE: Our first honest conversation, Sydney, and you have nothing to say?","SYDNEY: Listen to me, you son of a bitch! You have been a plague on my life. You repulse me! Every time I sat across from you, listening to your lies, all I could do was fantasize about slashing your throat!","SLOANE: Well, I can't pretend to be surprised that you feel that way. My only hope is that you can learn to forgive me. As hurt as I am, I know I can forgive you. After all, Sydney, I helped you.","SYDNEY: What are you talking about?","SLOANE: You don't really think it was a coincidence that I happened to be away these past two weeks, do you? The intel that you acquired that allowed the CIA to take down the Alliance -- I provided that. My involvement with the Alliance is merely a means to an end.","SYDNEY: Why are you telling me this?","SLOANE: Because knowing that I'm alive is going to tempt you to come after me. Don't. We've helped set each other free, Sydney. And as much as I wish you well, I will end your life if you get in my way.","(Briefing room at the CIA. Kendall, Jack, Vaughn, Sydney.)","SYDNEY: He called me at home. To warn me. No matter where he is, I can be gotten to.","JACK: Unfortunately, you're not the only one. Neil Caplan. He's a mathematecian working out of Cal Tech.","KENDALL: The bureau just confirmed that he and his family were kidnapped from the Long Beach Aquarium yesterday. Parking lot surveillance cameras recorded this.","(He starts the video which shows Caplan being ushered into a van by two men. Behind them is Sark.)","SYDNEY: Sark.","JACK: Doubtful he's acting alone. I assume his partnership with Sloane is alive and well.","SYDNEY: What do they want with a mathematician?","JACK: He specializes in a branch of mathematics called knot theory.","VAUGHN: Knot as in tie a knot?","JACK: Simply put, it's the study of geometric objects and how they fit together. All Alliance facilities have been raided yet we haven't found a single Rambaldi artifact. If Sloane was expecting our raid, he could've had everything moved to a secure location. He must be using Caplan to help him assemble a Rambaldi device.","VAUGHN: So what happens when Sloane puts the pieces together?","JACK: Whether or not you believe Rambaldi was a prophet, he did anticipate technological advances, many of which seem most applicable to warfare. It's likely Sloane is building a weapon.","SYDNEY: He planned for this. He wanted the Alliance gone. And this family that he's taken hostage, they aren't the only people whose lives he'll destroy. This is never going to stop.","(Kendall plops down a stack of papers.)","KENDALL: Your resignation form. Sign it, and you're out.","(Warehouse. Sloane walks in a room where Sark and another man stands with Mr. Caplan, who is seated at a table, handcuffed to the chair. Caplan groans.)","SLOANE: Your glasses.","(He gives them to Caplan.)","SLOANE: Mr. Caplan, my name is Arvin Sloane.","MR. CAPLAN: Where's my family?","SLOANE: They're alive. And if you cooperate, you'll be reunited soon enough.","MR. CAPLAN: Where am I?","SLOANE: Years ago, I was with the army corps of engineering. They wanted me to study this.","(He opens a leather satchel.)","SLOANE: That manuscript is 500-years-old. Those sketches were drawn by a man named Milo Rambaldi. You will see that Rambaldi prophesied scientific principles centuries ahead of his time. Protoypes of his designs have turned up all over the world. For the past thirty years, I've been collecting them.","MR. CAPLAN: I don't understand. Why do you want me? I'm nobody.","SLOANE: You're going to help me put them together because, you see, Mr. Caplan, I know that you feel like you're only a hostage right now. But I assume you became a scientist to discover what secrets the universe has to offer. Believe me, when we're done here, you'll be thanking me for giving you the answer. So why don't you go ahead and take a look?","(Caplan picks up a document.)","(Dixon sits at a table in a room at the CIA. His tie is loosened and he looks very near tears. Sydney enters. She hesitantly sits at the table across from him.)","SYDNEY: I wanted to be the one to come in and tell you officially that you've been cleared. The CIA has concluded that you had no knowledge of what was really going on at SD-6. They want to offer you a place here.","(He says nothing, just staring at her coldly, practically rolling his eyes.)","SYDNEY: Dixon, you have to know that you were my anchor. Your friendship was the only thing that kept me sane.","DIXON: How long have you known?","SYDNEY: Two years. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I was ordered not to. The CIA had no way to verify what I knew in my heart was true -- that you would never consider working for a man like Arvin Sloane.","DIXON: We were partners. You lied to me, then chose to tell me the truth when it was convenient for you. I never want to see you again.","(At the CIA ops center upstairs, Marshall is reacting to his new life in a very different way. He speed walks and talks to another tech officer who takes notes.)","MARSHALL: Okay! I'll need taps into all gov networks -- NSA, DOD, FBI, CIA. Oh, I'll need a red phone to the president.","TECH GUY: No.","MARSHALL: That's all right, I just thought I'd ask. I'll need a cryogen air prototype rig. Don't worry, I'll put my own baffles on the heat sync so it won't be too loud.","(He walks into the main area and looks around in complete wonder.)","MARSHALL: Wow!","VAUGHN: Marshall. I'm Michael Vaughn. Welcome to the CIA.","MARSHALL: Heard that one before.","VAUGHN: Well, this time it's for real. We have a desk set up for you.","MARSHALL: Oh, okay. Oh, Syd!","SYDNEY: Marshall.","(They hug.)","MARSHALL: Hey.","SYDNEY: You okay?","MARSHALL: Yeah, I mean, every few minutes I have to fight the urge to weep openly. I'm not really sure where that's coming from yet but I think that's healthy, right?","SYDNEY: Listen, I know you need time to adjust but we could really use your help with something. Look, we're trying to find Sloane but we can't access any information from his computer.","MARSHALL: Well, he probably erased everything from his hard drive before he left and the deletion program I installed last year exceeded DOD sanitizing standards 'cause, you know, I thought I was working for the government! You know the story because you also thought you were working for -- I mean, you actually were working for the government and we didn't really know but that's okay. I'll see what I can do.","(Dixon walks in his house. His wife is doing dishes at the sink.)","MRS. DIXON: Hey, baby. Got your message, sorry your business trip was delayed.","(He gives her a little kiss.)","DIXON: Where are the kids?","MRS. DIXON: At the park with Mandy. Glad the bank at least gave you the rest of the day off.","DIXON: Diane.","MRS. DIXON: Hmm?","DIXON: We need to talk.","(She stops doing dishes and turns to him.)","MRS. DIXON: What is it? Is it your mother?","DIXON: No.","(He starts to cry a little.)","DIXON: I don't work at a bank. I never have.","(Vaughn, Sydney and Jack are crowded around Marshall's computer.)","MARSHALL: Well, I was able to recover a few fragments from the RAM drive on Sloane's database. One of them was the most recent doc he was working on. It's a digital rolodex. Now, he checked one address in it. Holden Gendler, Van Nuys. Guy's a cybernetic specialist.","JACK: I'll go.","(Jack kicks in the door, flashlight and gun in hand. He walks in, looking for anything. He sweeps his flashlight over the office and comes around the desk where he finds Holden -- the nerd from \"The Getaway\" who gave Sloane his new wedding ring and was shot. His left eye is emitting a beeping sound and a red light flashes from the eyeball.)","(Briefing with Marshall, Kendall, Jack, Sydney, Vaughn.)","MARSHALL: Okay, um, now, usually redeye is a photographic effect caused by light reflecting in the pupil, but in Holden Gendler's case?","(He shows the eyeball.)","MARSHALL: It was caused by this. It's an intra-ocular retinal implant.","KENDALL: You care to elaborate?","MARSHALL: Yeah, of course, Mr. Ken--Director. 'Cause you're the Director Kendall. Right. Um, that's one L?","KENDALL: Two.","MARSHALL: It's two. Of course. Why would it--by the way, sir, this place? So much cooler than SD-6.","KENDALL: How about the point?","MARSHALL: Of course. Sorry. So, basically this guy Gendler, he was blind in his left eye so he used himself a a guinea pig for wetware experiments, interfacing technology with the human brain. Real cutting edge. Basically this implant connects with the optical nerve which sends impulses to the vision center in his brain.","VAUGHN: What did Sloane want with a wetware expert?","JACK: All Alliance members were injected with a tracking device. Sloane must've hired Gendler to deactivate his so he could disappear.","MARSHALL: Right. But there's more. Now, this little baby records everything it sees on an internal memory. Now the LED light was blinking because it was full so I was able to download twelve hours of footage. Now there was no audio so I created a lip reading program. Just whipped it up. No extra charge. And, uh, take a look at what I found. This is the last thing Gendler saw.","(On the video screen, we get a POV shot of Sloane shooting Gendler. Sloane comes around the desk and shoots him again.)","MARSHALL: Mr. Sloane...","(Sloane takes out his cell phone. An electronic voice does the lip reading.)","ELECTRONIC VOICE: It's Sloane. I've chartered a C-123 out of Shipman to transport the artifacts. I will be in touch.","JACK: \"Shipman\" could refer to the airfield in the Mojave desert. We've surveilled it before. It's operated by a transatlantic smuggling cartel. Ex-military, dishonorably discharged after the Gulf war. They're well-armed, highly organized. And they do have a C-123 in their fleet.","KENDALL: I could have a tactical team there in three hours. Once these guys understand their legal options, they'll be inclined to tell us where Sloane went.","SYDNEY: Interrogating the employees could take days. And Sloane doesn't just let hostages go when he's done with them.","KENDALL: I'm open to suggestions.","SYDNEY: If we could get into the facility undetected and access the flight data recorder on the plane Sloane chartered, we could track him directly to his last destination.","KENDALL: Spoken like a true volunteer.","(In a bathroom somewhere, Mrs. Caplan and Aaron are huddled on the floor, handcuffed to a pipe on the wall.)","AARON: I'm hungry.","(Sark and another man enter.)","MRS. CAPLAN: Where's my husband?","SARK: Your husband is a gifted individual. And we need his assistance for a short while. Should he choose to cooperate, this will soon be an unpleasant memory.","(He bends down to them and takes out a recorder.)","SARK: We'd like for you to tell your husband that you support his cooperation and if he doesn't, your son will be the first to suffer.","MRS. CAPLAN: Oh, God...","(Aaron cries. Sark holds out the tape recorder.)","(At the Mojave airfield, Vaughn meets with one of the employees and opens a crate that holds some weapons. A man stands behind Vaughn.)","VAUGHN: So, Mr. Johnson, I need these shipped to Beijing by tomorrow.","MR. JOHNSON: You know what I find most interesting, Mr. Ludlow? Is that for an accomplished arms merchant, I've never heard your name.","(A gun cocks behind Vaughn, pointed right at his head.)","MR. JOHNSON: Now if you're really an expert, you'll know what kind of gun is pointed at the back of your head by the sound of the hammer.","VAUGHN: An M19-11. But if he were really going to shoot me, he would have disengaged the thumb safety.","MR. JOHNSON: I got a charter leaving for Asia in a half an hour. If the money and the delivery instructions are in that briefcase as we discussed, it's been a pleasure doing business with you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(A forklift takes the large crate and drops it inside a plane. Vaughn's Ford SUV parks nearby. The forklift backs out and leaves the crate there. Sydney rolls out of it, dressed as a workperson with her jumpsuit on.)","SYDNEY: Good call on the gun. I would'v esaid Baretta M-9.","VAUGHN: Figured I had a 50\/50 chance.","(Sydney walks around in the hangar.)","SYDNEY: Found the AFT access plane, I'm looking for the flight data recorder. Found it! Attaching the disk imager.","(On Vaughn's hand-held computer, it starts downloading.)","VAUGHN: Receiving uplink now.","(The plane starts, its propeller whirring to life.)","VAUGHN: Uplink complete, get out of there.","(A cartel employee discovers Sydney.)","EMPLOYEE: What are you doing here? I don't have a work order in this aircraft. Give me your ID, I'm calling this in.","(She hands it over.)","EMPLOYEE: Tower, I need confirmation--","(Sydney knees him in the gut, elbows him and punches him. He falls to the ground.)","SYDNEY: Vaughn, I've been made! Meet me at the northwest hangar!","VAUGHN: Copy that, I'm on my way!","(Tires screeching, he takes off. Sydney runs out of the plane when another employee, this one holding a gun, comes around and sees her. She kicks the gun away and, near the propeller, they start to fight. She blocks several punches and receives a few. She grabs a box of nails from the nearby table and throws it at him, some of the nails hitting the propeller and zinging away. Sydney grabs a wrench and jabs it at him. He kicks her on the back of her neck, sending her forward to the propeller. He flings her to the ground and kicks her. Sydney, on the ground, yanks at a thick cord he was standing on which sends him backwards, landing in the propellor. Blood flies everywhere as Vaughn drives up.)","VAUGHN: Get in!","(She runs to the SUV and jumps in.)","SYDNEY: GO!","(They drive off.)","(It's raining outside. Night. Dixon sits out on his porch with a drink. Tears in his eyes. A car pulls up and Diane steps out, comes to the porch and sits next to him.)","DIXON: Where did you stay last night?","MRS. DIXON: At my sister's. The kids are there. The time you were shot, you told me that you had been mugged. If you had died that day, I would have buried a stranger. Look, I don't know if a single word you have ever said to me was true!","DIXON: My love for you is true. My love for our children is true. As a husband, as a father... I couldn't honestly say I was protecting my family unless I was out there!","MRS. DIXON: Except that you were working for the people that make the world more dangerous.","DIXON: I thought I was serving our country. This man -- Sloane... I will never lie to you again. The CIA's offered me a job.","MRS. DIXON: Marcus, I did not choose a life of wondering whether my husband was coming home every night. You take that job, you take it alone.","(She goes inside, leaving Dixon to sit on the porch alone, in the rain.)","(Caplan drops his glasses on the table, rubs at his head.)","SLOANE: Will you help us?","MR. CAPLAN: You want me to help you? You let my family go. That is the only way!","SLOANE: No. That is not the only way.","(He hits play on the recorder.)","MRS. CAPLAN'S VOICE: Help them, honey. Do what they want, please, or they're going to hurt Aaron...","(He rubs at his eyes.)","MR. CAPLAN: You want me to help you put this thing together. Are you telling me that these pieces exist?","SLOANE: You're sitting in a warehouse full of them.","MR. CAPLAN: According to this, each artifact is generating its own unique magnetic field. These fields determine where in the overall design the pieces go. The problem is, there's no room for error in the calculations and the equipment you gave me isn't sensitive enough for me to measure the fields with perfect accuracy. I need something I don't have!","SLOANE: The magnetometer you're developing for the Swiss polytechnic.","MR. CAPLAN: How do you know about that?","SLOANE: I know about a lot of things.","MR. CAPLAN: You're asking me to do something I cannot do. The magnetometer was designed to measure magnetic fields in space. It would be sensitive enough to do this kind of work but until it's cleared patent, the polytechnics have got it locked up in a vault somewhere.","SLOANE: The Amcorp bank. It's two miles from here.","MR. CAPLAN: We're in Switzerland?","SLOANE: By tomorrow, you'll have what you need.","(Outside the interrogation room, Sloane speaks on his cell.)","SLOANE: Just a few more days, Emily. Well, I'm still waiting for the owner to counter. Yeah, of course it has a garden. As a matter of fact, I'm looking out the window at the garden right now. yes. I miss you too, my love.","(He enters his office and takes a seat behind the desk. Sark sits nearby.)","SARK: What happens when your wife's ready to move to her Tuscan villa?","SLOANE: I purchased it six months ago.","SARK: I made contact with our point man. He's assembling a team for the bank but I must question your decision to lead them in yourself. In spite of your precautions, it's wildly risky, given your new level of notoreity.","SLOANE: I'm approaching the finish line of a thirty-year odyssey. I won't let anyone else take the final steps for me.","(CIA op center.)","JACK: This is the flight plan we retrieved from the plane's data recorders. Sloane left Shimpan for an island off the coast of Bermuda. We're sending in a team but it's doubtful he's still there because the plane then went on to the Zurich airport in Switzerland.","SYDNEY: It's a start, but he could be anywhere by now.","JACK: Unless we assume Sloane went to Switzerland for a reason, that he isn't merely passing through, in that case we can expect him to hire local support, mercenaries.","VAUGHN: I dealt with a guy in Switzerland. A headhunter we once used to put a black ops team together in western Europe. He controls most of the local territory. Sloane would use him if he needed mercs.","KENDALL: Well, assuming he did, if this guy knows your CIA he could tip Sloane off.","VAUGHN: He doesn't. We hired him fronting as a French crime syndicate.","KENDALL: Set up a meet. You two are on a plane.","(In Switzerland, Sloane meets with a prosthetic guy. His face is scanned in 3D on a computer and then is transformed into another face with the help of prosthetics.)","SLOANE: The bank's facial recognition cameras will measure my underlying bone structure.","PROSTHETICS: The cameras target the distance between your cheekbones. The prosthetics I'll apply are lined with a carbon powder. The system's data won't find a match. Even an X-ray would be fooled.","SLOANE: Well, then, let's begin.","(In a bar in Switzerland, a guy sits at a bar as the bartender pours him a drink. The guy takes a sip. Sydney and Vaughn enter, Sydney going over to the pool table. Vaughn sits next to his contact.)","CONTACT: (in French) What's in the briefcase?","VAUGHN: (in French) Five hundred thousand.","CONTACT: (in French) Not nearly enough if you're looking to put together a team.","VAUGHN: (in French) I'm not. I need information.","CONTACT: (in French) I'm not an encyclopedia.","VAUGHN: I'm not French. I'm CIA. We've tolerated your existence because you've been helpful but that tolerance can end now. We have reason to believe one of these men recently approached you to hire some of your contacts. Warm or cold?","(He drops a picture of Sloane and Sark on the bar.)","CONTACT: If you had told me the CIA was simply interested in my client list, I would have told you to go make love... with your mother.","(Vaughn grabs him, bangs his head against the bar and pours the guy's drink over his head. The bartender bends down, getting a gun. Sydney grabs her gun and points it at the bartender.)","SYDNEY: Hands!","(Vaughn takes a lighter and flicks it on, putting the flame near the guy's head, which is drenched in the alcohol.)","CONTACT: Ahhh, you broke my--","VAUGHN: Tell me if they came to see you!","CONTACT: You broke my nose!","VAUGHN: TALK TO ME!","CONTACT: Okay, okay, they came! They hired some men!","VAUGHN: For what?","CONTACT: I don't know the details!","VAUGHN: Tell me what you know!","CONTACT: The woman and the child -- I know where they are!","VAUGHN: Where?!","CONTACT: In the other room, downstairs!","(Vaughn and Sydney look at each other in shock.)","VAUGHN: They're here?","(Near the bathroom with the Caplan family, two guards play some cards at a table. Knock on a door. One guard gets up.)","VOICE: C'est moi!","(He opens the door a little and Sydney kicks in the door, knocking him back. Mrs. Caplan and Aaron are in the next room, huddled together, as they hear three shots. Sydney comes in, gun pointed and sees them. They cry. Vaughn comes in. Sydney heads for Mrs. Caplan, Vaughn heads for the little boy.)","SYDNEY: It's okay! We're CIA agents, you're safe.","VAUGHN: It's okay, buddy.","SYDNEY: You're safe, come on.","MRS. CAPLAN: (sobbing) Oh, God!","(She hugs Sydney. The four of them get up, with Vaughn carrying Aaron.)","MRS. CAPLAN: Where's my husband?","SYDNEY: We're still looking for him. We're doing everything we can.","MRS. CAPLAN: What's your name?","SYDNEY: Sydney. Sydney Bristow.","MRS. CAPLAN: Thank you, Sydney.","(She carries Aaron out of there.)","MRS. CAPLAN: Shhh, shhh, shhh...","VAUGHN: Syd, one of the guys had a cell phone. If either Sark or Sloane called directly, we can trace him.","(At the CIA, Marshall is surrounded by a few agents.)","TECH GUY: We still don't get how you detected the tap we put on the SD-6 network last year.","MARSHALL: Yes, that was a noble attempt, gentleman, a noble attempt. But, uh, you see, what happened was it was interfering with my online Dungeon Master game. My gnome kept skipping a frame every time he swung his battle ax, so...","(His phone rings.)","MARSHALL: Oh, my God. My first phone call. Excuse me. (picks up) Yeah, this is Marshall?","SYDNEY: Marshall, it's me. I need you to run a location trace on every incoming call that was made to the phone I'm talking to you on.","MARSHALL: Sure, Syd, no problem.","(He sits down at his computer and changes to a headset.)","MARSHALL: Okay, I need you to scroll to the incoming call menu on the phone and then hit pound, pound, and then send.","SYDNEY: Okay, hold on.","(She does so.)","MARSHALL: I'm getting fifteen locations.","SYDNEY: Any of them in Zurich?","MARSHALL: Uh, two. The first one was made from a payphone at the Zurich airport.","SYDNEY: No good. Next!","MARSHALL: Made from a cell phone. I can probably triangulate the location if it's on. I got it! It's moving.","SYDNEY: Where is it?","MARSHALL: Looks like the Amcorp bank on Newmarket Street.","SYDNEY: I'll call you right back. (hangs up) We're going to Newmarket Street.","(Sydney and Vaughn are speeding down the streets of Zurich, both speaking on their phones.)","SYDNEY: Marshall, we're heading south on Burgstrasse!","VAUGHN: The robbery is in progress!","SYDNEY: Burgstrasse! Are you copying my signal?","MARSHALL: Yeah, yeah, I got you. Make a right at the next light!","SYDNEY: Hold on!","(She does so, swinging into the lanes.)","(At the bank, in the underground parking lot [which looks like the Credit Dauphine one], a limo drives up with Sark behind the wheel. Three men get out and then Sloane steps out, wearing his prosthetics. Two men greet them.)","SHYER: Mr. Skopic, welcome. I'm Claude Shyer, president of Amcorp bank. We spoke on the phone.","SLOANE: Ah, yes. Thank you for accomodating me on such short notice.","SHYER: Not at all. Fifty million dollars in cash is not the kind of thing one likes to leave under one's pillow for very long. This is our bank manager, Peter Kuntz.","KUNTZ: Hello.","SLOANE: Pleasure.","SHYER: He will take you to our vault while I secure your deposit.","SLOANE: Good.","(Sydney zooms through the traffic.)","(Kuntz leads Sloane and his mean down a flight of stairs, heading for the vault.)","KUNTZ: Can I offer you anything? An espresso?","SLOANE: Oh, thank you very much, most kind. But due to a sensitive stomach my physician has prohibited caffeine from my diet.","KUNTZ: Very well. After you.","(The camera high up on the wall is on. In the limo, Sark types on his laptop.)","SARK: I've spliced into the facial registration database.","(No match found.)","SARK: You've cleared their system.","(At the vault, Kuntz enters.)","SARK: I'll need ten seconds. Keep him talking a bit longer.","SLOANE: Herr Kuntz, let me ask you something. This American war on terrorism, has it affected your procedure in any way at all?","SARK: Looping the feed... now.","KUNTZ: I assure you, our institution is one of the most safest in the world.","(Sloane takes out a gun and shoots him.)","SLOANE: Box 4747!","(The men open the briefcases that held the fifty million deposit -- it's rigged with explosives.)","(Sydney speeds through the traffic.)","MARSHALL: Okay, take a left into the alley!","VAUGHN: I guess it's pointless to say we should wait for backup?","(Sydney doesn't answer, just floors it through the alley. A pedestrian is walking by, cars going by on the street in front of them.)","VAUGHN: Sydney, you're going too fast! SYDNEY!","(She almost hits someone, flies into the street and looks back as the cars stop, blaring their horns. She comes to a stop in front of the bank.)","(In the vault, they open box 4747 and take out a briefcase. Sloane opens it and finds the magnetometer. He smiles.)","(Up in the lobby, Sydney and Vaughn march in. Sydney shows her badge to a security guard at the door.)","SYDNEY: Who's in charge?","(Claude Shyer sits at a desk nearby.)","SHYER: What can I do for you?","SYDNEY: We're United States agents. Lockdown your vault, you're being robbed.","SHYER: I think you're mistaken.","(He turns the monitor to face them. The disguised Sloane is seen talking to Kuntz. There's a slight flicker in the feed.)","SYDNEY: It's looped. That's him.","(In his limo, Sark watches the video feed of Sydney and Vaughn at Shyer's desk.)","SARK: Sydney's in the lobby! She's by the entrance!","(Sydney looks up as Sloane and his guards come up in the lobby. She takes out her gun and points it at him across the way.)","SYDNEY: SLOANE!","(He looks. The guards point their guns at Sydney and Vaughn. People scream, run and hide. Vaughn and Sydney have their guns pointed.)","SLOANE: Hold your fire!","MERCENARY: Get down!","SLOANE: I warned you, Sydney. I can't guarantee your safety in a situation like this.","SYDNEY: There's no way I'm letting you walk out of here!","SLOANE: Ah... you must be the man that Sark told me about. The man that Sydney was willing to kill me for.","VAUGHN: She would have killed you for a lot less.","SYDNEY: The police are on their way. We have Caplan's family. Give up!","SLOANE: We've rigged the lower level with enough C-4 to level the entire city block so if we don't walk out of here... nobody does.","SYDNEY: You're bluffing.","(He takes out a remote trigger from his jacket pocket.)","SLOANE: I'm not the only one carrying a remote trigger. The entire bank is monitored via satellite by an off-site team. If they don't see me walk out of here in thirty seconds, they'll detonate. So I suggest that you both lower your guns. Lower... your guns.","(She puts hers down. Vaughn reluctantly obeys.)","SLOANE: Toss them on the ground.","(She does. Vaughn follows.)","SLOANE: And you, my dear... you'll be driving me out of here.","(He tosses her a set of keys. Sydney catches them.)"],"Show Title":"Alias","Episode Number":"02x15","Episode Title":"Free Agent","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Alias_02x21.json","Recap":["Sydney begins to question Will's identity when he's arrested for espionage, under suspicion of being a double. Meanwhile Sark and Irina plot to recover the Di Regno heart, and Sloane makes Jack a business proposal."],"Transcript":["(Vaughn falls back, sitting on the sofa at Sydney's. She's on top of him. They kiss as she works his suit jacket off of him.)","VAUGHN: I couldn't take it.","SYDNEY: Me either.","VAUGHN: Seriously. I thought I was losing my mind.","SYDNEY: Me too.","(She loosens his tie.)","SYDNEY: That was the longest debrief of all time.","VAUGHN: I was staring at you the whole time. Did you notice?","SYDNEY: Yeah.","(She takes off her jacket in between kissing him.)","SYDNEY: I think my dad noticed, too.","VAUGHN: No, he didn't notice.","SYDNEY: Why do you think he assigned you the investigation?","(She leans back and pulls her shirt off and over her head. Holding his loosened tie that dangles on either side of his neck, she pulls him to his feet. They kiss.)","VAUGHN: 'Cause it's a big job. It's a big deal.","SYDNEY: (smiling) Really?","VAUGHN: Mm-hmm. Someone unauthorized accessed our computer systems. We're gonna find them.","(He unzips her pants in the back.)","VAUGHN: (smiling) I'm the point guy.","(Sydney flops down on the sofa and looks up at him, smiling.)","SYDNEY: You're the point guy?","VAUGHN: I'm the point guy.","(He takes off his shirt and tie and climbs on top of her. They kiss.)","VAUGHN: Where are Will and Francie?","SYDNEY: They're out. They won't be back for hours.","(Meanwhile, Francie sits in a room somewhere with her laptop. She's listening in on Sydney and Vaughn and speaking on her cell.)","VAUGHN: (off camera, recording) You're so beautiful...","FRANCIE: Will Tippin may be compromised.","(Sark is in a warehouse.)","SARK: Our superiors deal in absolutes. Either he is or he's not.","FRANCIE: The CIA is on a mole hunt to find out who accessed the defense satellite communications system. It's only a matter of time before they trace it back to Tippin, and then to me.","(Sark stands in front of Irina's desk in her office.)","SARK: I assume Sloane will want Tippin killed before the CIA interrogates him.","IRINA: Sloane's gone. Perhaps for good. We can't wait for his return.","SARK: If the CIA uses regression therapy to find out who he's been leaking information to, our Los Angeles asset will be compromised.","IRINA: I don't want Tippin killed. I've set up a meeting with someone who can help us re-acquire the Di Regno heart. He'll get us the plans to the NSA facility where they keep the Rambaldi artifacts. In the meantime tell our asset Tippin's frame needs to be convincing.","(Francie and Will's bedroom, middle of the night. Will is in bed, under the covers, flat on his back with two separators holding his two eyes wide open. Francie sits at the side of the bed, getting her equipment ready.)","FRANCIE: Starting tomorrow, you'll be asked questions that only Will Tippin can answer -- places you've been, things you've said and done. You'll remember some things and forget others. The more personal the question, the less you will recall.","(She puts some drops in his eyes.)","FRANCIE: In fact, the more you try to recall the details, the more elusive they'll become. Do you understand?","WILL: Yes...","FRANCIE: Now, listen carefully. Do not move.","(She charges a laser and points it straight into his eye. The red laser crackles into his retina.)","(The next morning, Sydney and Will are jogging along a road together.)","SYDNEY: I'm not supposed to tell you this.","WILL: What?","SYDNEY: It's supposed to go through channels.","WILL: What? Oh, it's bad, isn't it? An operation based on my analysis went historically wrong.","SYDNEY: You passed the upper-level analyst test you took last week.","WILL: I did?!","SYDNEY: With one of the highest marks. Congratulations!","WILL: Whoa. You know what this means? I mean, not that it means anything for sure, but I heard that guy Roberts is retiring.","SYDNEY: I know.","WILL: Which means there's a senior spot for an analyst.","SYDNEY: Which you're now qualified to apply for.","(A black SUV drives up and squeals to a stop. Various agents climb out with guns pointed at Sydney and Will.)","AGENT: Hands up! Hands in the air!","AGENT MCCAIN: Hands up!","WILL: Whoa, whoa!","(Will and Sydney put their hands up.)","SYDNEY: What's going on? Who are you?","MCCAIN: Special Agent McCain, FBI. Mr. Tippin, you are under arrest.","WILL: Arrest? Arrest for what?!","SYDNEY: Who approved this?","MCCAIN: Agent Bristow, do not interfere with this.","(Will is handcuffed.)","MCCAIN: Tippin's being detained under the patriot act on suspicion of espionage.","(Will is being led into the SUV.)","WILL: Espionage?","SYDNEY: Don't say anything until you hear from me! Who ordered this?","MCCAIN: Your father.","(The SUV drives away, leaving Sydney alone in the road.)","(Debriefing with Sydney, Vaughn, Jack, Marshall and Kendall.)","SYDNEY: This is insane. Will is not a traitor.","JACK: Over the last month we've had two breaches of our defense satellite communication systems. The first disabled our coverage over Panama allowing Derevko to escape. The second was a download of our imaging archives specifically the raid on Sloane's villa in Tuscany.","SYDNEY: There's no way Will's working for Sloane.","MARSHALL: Um, Syd, excuse me, sorry. Um, when I ran a diagnostic on the network I found that Will's user account was active in two places simultaneously. A glitch which has since been corrected. However the satellite footage was accessed from one of those accounts.","SYDNEY: Anyone could have logged on with his user ID.","KENDALL: Or he did it himself.","SYDNEY: I have known Will for years. Trust me on this.","JACK: There's another possibility... that the man we have in custody is not Will Tippin. Project Helix. The doubling prototype that you destroyed in Poland was designed to reshape a person's physical attributes to identically resemble someone else. The prototype's database revealed two scheduled recipients of the procedure: Dr. Markovic who was killed, and a second unknown individual.","SYDNEY: You think Will is the double.","KENDALL: We found Provacillian in Will's car. It's a medication usually taken by gene therapy patients to keep the body from rejecting the DNA mutations.","VAUGHN: What about giving him an ocular scan?","MARSHALL: Actually, that's a really good point, Mr. Vaughn--Michael. Um, I probably shouldn't call you Michael. Mr. Vaughn. Uh, an ocular scan is often used--","JACK: Tippin's being transferred to medical services as we speak. They'll scan him and have the results shortly. But there's something else. A digital recording was found among Tippin's things. It was taken by the surveillance equipment you found in your apartment several months ago.","(Jack gives Sydney the remote control. Kendall leaves. Jack follows. Marshall just sits there, oblivious, and then realizes. He leaves Vaughn and Sydney alone. He sits forward and Sydney stands up. She hits play. On the screen plays the footage from \"Double Agent\" when Sydney and Vaughn had s*x while Francie watched nearby with the help of the camera in the TV.)","(Medical services. Will is in front of a large machine which takes the ocular scan of his eye.)","(Irina's old cell. Will is inside, Sydney once again on the other side of the glass.)","WILL: They think I'm not me?","SYDNEY: They don't know what to think. Someone breached the system and they're freaking out. They disabled all WI-FI access points and reset all user accounts and passwords. It's a witch hunt.","WILL: What was that eye scan?","SYDNEY: It's a test. It analyzes your retina. Someone who's been doubled develops proteins. They're like markers. They found proteins.","(Will, shocked, steps away from the glass. Upstairs, watching the video surveillance, is Dixon and Vaughn.)","WILL: Syd, that's impossible. It doesn't make any sense. Wait a second. I was assigned to do research on Markovic. This must be a set-up. Go to my office, everything I've been working on is there. I'm innocent... you know that, right?","SYDNEY: Do you remember that time when we had too much to drink, the night we kissed?","WILL: It was amazing. Of course I remember that night, in your apartment.","SYDNEY: Do you remember where it was in my apartment, what room?","(Sydney has tears in her eyes as Will struggles to remember.)","SYDNEY: It's a small apartment.","WILL: No, I know, of course, it was um...","SYDNEY: We were--we were eating.","WILL: It was in the kitchen.","(Upstairs, Vaughn still watches. Dixon walks away.)","WILL: Syd...","SYDNEY: I spilled something on your sweater. Do you remember what that was?","WILL: Syd... I swear it's me.","(Dixon, Jack, Vaughn and Sydney upstairs in the ops center.)","JACK: Pull Tippin's phone records, read his e-mails, get his financials. If he's the double, going over the records could lead us to his handler.","SYDNEY: Or exonerate him.","DIXON: Sydney, he couldn't answer your questions. Look at the evidence.","SYDNEY: I have reasonable doubt.","DIXON: The information Tippin fed Sloane led directly to Diane's death! Excuse me.","(He leaves.)","SYDNEY: If someone wanted to set Will up, his is exactly what they would do -- plant these clues, condition him. I'd like permission to assign Francie protective detail. If Sloane is targeting my friends, she could be next.","JACK: Done.","SYDNEY: I'd also like to speak to her about Will. She might have information that could help.","JACK: Tell her what you think is necessary, but only what's necessary.","(Francie and Sydney's place.)","SYDNEY: I need to know if he's been acting strangely.","FRANCIE: What's wrong?","SYDNEY: Forgetting things or saying things Will wouldn't normally say.","FRANCIE: Sydney, what are you talking about? Where is he? Is he okay?","SYDNEY: Just think about it.","FRANCIE: (sighs) He has been distant lately.","SYDNEY: For how long?","FRANCIE: I guess since the two weeks he spent in Chicago with his family. Sydney, what's going on?","SYDNEY: There are going to be some men outside in a van. They're security. They're going to be watching the apartment, watching you, protecting you.","FRANCIE: Why? Syd, you're creeping me out.","SYDNEY: I don't work for a bank.","(Briefing room.)","JACK: We downloaded valuable intel from Tippin's computer on the work he was doing to locate the second double. He managed to identify the man who invented the computer imaging equipment used by Dr. Markovic.","KENDALL: This is Dr. Hans Jurgens. He's a chief scientist at Miracorps, the largest hospital supply company in the European union. His equipment was used to monitor the patients during the gene therapy that was required to complete the doubling process.","JACK: A controlling assumption is that he was personally involved in the process.","SYDNEY: So we think he knows the identity of the second double.","KENDALL: If the guy we've got isn't Tippin then we can't trust his intel. At best, it's a dead end. At worst, it's a trap.","SYDNEY: I think it's him.","KENDALL: I'm getting bored with your hunches. (to Jack) Pardon me. I say we move the prisoner to Camp Harris for unrestricted interrogation.","SYDNEY: I'm not letting my friend be taken to a place like that.","KENDALL: We can't keep letting your daughter's personal relationships take precedence over everything else in this office!","SYDNEY: Think! If Will's innocent he's not trained to handle torture. He'll say anything you want him to say.","KENDALL: If he's not innocent then he may know where your FRIEND is!","JACK: FOR NOW, TIPPIN STAYS HERE! Five hours ago we acquired surveillance of Jurgens in Berlin. Contact in country. We'll meet you at Bendix office building downtown then brief you on the operation. Your plane leaves in a half an hour.","(Will sits in his cell and hears the doors buzz open. He looks over and sees Dixon with a guard. Dixon hands over his gun to the guard and looks at Will. He enters the cell. Will stands up.)","WILL: Man, I'm so glad--","DIXON: Stop.","(He calmly gives Will a file. Will opens it to see a picture.)","DIXON: That's what they recovered from my wife's car after the bomb went off.","(Will steps back, horrified, and sits down.)","DIXON: That's why we couldn't have an open-casket funeral for her. Turn the page.","WILL: Ugh...","(He does so. There are two fingerprints.)","DIXON: First fingerprint is your right index finger. The second is the partial they lifted from the remote detonator we found among your things. The prints are a match. You have Sydney fooled but I'm not gonna play games with you. You are not Will Tippin.","WILL: Oh, you can't, Dixon. You can't think that I--","DIXON: Help me find Arvin Sloane and I will do what I can to help you avoid the death penalty.","(Will stands.)","WILL: Dixon, please!","DIXON: If you refuse to cooperate--","WILL: You have to believe me!","DIXON: --then I assure you, you will suffer.","WILL: I swear to God!","DIXON: Now, when you're done with this act--","WILL: This-this is not an act!","DIXON: --you will tell me...","WILL: Dixon! Dixon!","DIXON: --what I want to know.","WILL: I'll prove it to you!","DIXON: How did we meet?","WILL: Sydney introduced us.","DIXON: Where?","WILL: It was um... she had a party and there was a bunch of us together and... and, uh, I remember what we were talking about and uh... Dixon, somebody did this to me. I can't-I can't remember.","DIXON: Mm-hmm.","(Dixon grabs Will by the throat and begins to choke him. Will gasps and his hands go out to hold on to something. He ends up grabbing Dixon's coat by the shoulder and struggles for air. Dixon calmly looks at him with his hand around his throat.)","WILL: Argh!","DIXON: You murdered my wife.","(Will falls to his knees, choking.)","DIXON: You murdered my wife.","(Veins are popping out of Will's forehead, his face is blood red. He struggles.)","DIXON: You murdered...","(He suddenly lets go of Will, who falls on the floor, gasping and coughing.)","WILL: Oh! Oh God... oh God... oh...","(He coughs and gasps for breath. Dixon walks out of the cell like nothing happened. Will sits up and rubs at his throat, still coughing.)","(Dixon walks upstairs.)","KENDALL: Dixon. Tippin's being tranferred to Camp Harris. I want you to supervise.","DIXON: It's my understanding Director Bristow decided he's not to be moved.","KENDALL: He's been overruled by the DOJ. Convoy leaves in ten minutes.","(Sark is on his cell with Francie.)","SARK: She what?","FRANCIE: Bristow broke her cover with me. She told me she's CIA.","SARK: Did she give you an explanation?","FRANCIE: Given what's happening with Tippin, she was concerned with my safety, of all things.","SARK: Bristow's willingness to confide in you is an advantageous development that will be lost if Tippin gives you up.","FRANCIE: I intercepted a DOJ transmission. They're moving Tippin to a more secure location. Once he's there he will be unreachable.","SARK: Organize a team to intercept the transport and extract him. To the CIA, this will confirm his value to us.","FRANCIE: And once we have him?","SARK: Kill him.","(In Berlin, Sydney and Vaughn enter an elevator. A man stands inside.)","CONTACT: Have you tried the restaurant upstairs?","SYDNEY: Yes, the bratwurst is excellent.","CONTACT: Hello, my friends. We've tracked Jurgens to a local s*x club he frequents. Leather, whips, latex, chains. All the good stuff.","VAUGHN: How long's he gonna be there?","CONTACT: Could be a couple of hours.","SYDNEY: I say we move in now.","(Vaughn looks at her and slowly smiles.)","SYDNEY: What?","VAUGHN: Nothing.","(Techno music plays in the s*x club where women and men are wearing latex and dog collars. And, for a few people, leashes. Jurgens is there. Vaughn sits at the bar, not in costume, thank goodness, and sips a drink. Sydney walks in wearing red leather and a black wig. He watches her as she enters and she sits next to him at the bar.)","VAUGHN: I'm glad I'm not the one in leather.","SYDNEY: You'd look cute in a teddy.","VAUGHN: Jurgens is with the security team against the wall.","(Sydney looks over at him, takes a drink from Vaughn's glass and chews the ice cubes. She walks over, her whip in hand.)","SYDNEY: (German) Which one of you boys has been the most naughty?","(She whips Jurgens.)","SYDNEY: (German) You?","JURGENS: (German) Perhaps...","SYDNEY: (German) Yes, I think you have.","JURGENS: (German) Must I be punished?","SYDNEY: (German) I think so. (whips him) Come with me.","(She takes him by the tie and leads him out. In a room somewhere, Jurgens is clad only in his underwear. He is standing with his ankles cuffed to the wall and his arms above his head, cuffed.)","JURGENS: (German) I like to sing when I'm being punished. Is that okay?","SYDNEY: Nein!","(She whips him on the butt.)","JURGENS: (German) Okay...","SYDNEY: (German) Now, Dr. Jurgens, I have a few questions to ask you.","JURGENS: (German) You'll have to whip it out of me. (pause) How do you know my name?","(Vaughn enters with a briefcase.)","SYDNEY: Hello, honey.","VAUGHN: Hello, dear.","JURGENS: Who is he?","SYDNEY: Your wife's name is Alba, right?","JURGENS: How do you know my wife?","(Vaughn takes out a laptop and digital camera from the briefcase and takes pictures of Sydney draped around Jurgens.)","JURGENS: Oh no!","(Click. Another pose.)","SYDNEY: Hi Alba.","(Click. Another pose.)","JURGENS: Oh, please...","(When several pictures are taken and Jurgens has whimpered enough, Sydney stands before him.)","SYDNEY: We know about Project Helix, that you built it for Markovic.","JURGENS: You do?","SYDNEY: We also know that he used it to double himself and one other person. With Markovic dead, you're the only one who knows the identity of the second agent.","JURGENS: I do not know!","VAUGHN: I assume your wife's e-mail address is still the same?","JURGENS: What?","(Vaughn tilts the laptop so Jurgens can see the monitor. He has the pictures from the digital camera up on the screen.)","VAUGHN: She's going to love these pictures.","JURGENS: No, no, no, no, wait! I just built it for Markovic, I was not there for the procedure!","SYDNEY: Your wife is going to love having these new pictures to add to your scrapbook.","JURGENS: I do not konw the name but there is a way you can find it. The computing power required to model a person's entire genome is tremendous so during the doubling process Markovic had to reconnect it to an off-siste computer facility, a server farm.","SYDNEY: Which server farm did he use?","JURGENS: I do not know! I swear to God! Please do not send those pictures! Please let me go! Please! Let me go! (sobs)","(Vaughn and Sydney prepare to leave. Vaughn slaps down the memory card from the camera onto the table.)","VAUGHN: Here's your pictures.","(They leave.)","JURGENS: Please give me back my pants!","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Kendall, in the ops center, types at a computer. Jack walks up to him.)","JACK: Please explain this transfer order.","KENDALL: Tippin is stonewalling. We need to break him before his handler realizes he's been compromised.","JACK: Unrestricted interrogation is premature.","KENDALL: Justice Department didn't agree. Tippin is a credible threat to national security which means from now on they want to be consulted on every decision of this investigation. What did you think, Jack? That I just forged a transfer order on CIA letterhead?","JACK: You went behind my back.","KENDALL: That's hardly unheard of in this office.","JACK: So what is this retribution for me taking your parking space?","KENDALL: No, I did what my job compels me to do. Nothing more, nothing less. And if you can't see that I'm trying to protect the lives of everyone in this operations center then I overestimated your intelligence.","(In a prison bus, Will is handcuffed and sits beside a guard who holds a gun. There's an SUV ahead and one behind them. In the SUV behind them is Dixon and the driver.)","DIXON: (radio) That was Roosevelt Road. ETA twenty minutes.","(In the SUV ahead of the bus...)","MAN: (radio) Copy that.","(Will sits in the bus, looking out the window, when suddenly one of the tires of the bus is shot out.)","DIXON: Shots fired!","(The bus careens down the road, crossing over to the other side of the road and then coming back, skidding along the pave. It topples over on its side. Inside the bus, Will bangs his head.)","WILL: Ugh!","DIXON: We've got a sniper!","(The driver in the SUV is shot by the sniper in the hills next to the road. A black van pulls up and various men in fatigues climb out. Dixon shoots one of them.)","FATIGUE MAN: Move out, move out!","(Fatigue Man climbs on top of the toppled bus.)","FATIGUE MAN: GO!","(Other men get out and shoot at the CIA guards. Dixon shoots one of the fatigued men and looks for the sniper. Inside the prison bus, the guard with the gun comes to just to see Fatigue Man shoot him from above. Will comes to. Above, Fatigue Man shoots the bus's side and stomps on it, letting him drop down into the bus. Dixon shoots at the sniper. Fatigue Man climbs in the bus and gets the keys from the dead driver. He goes to Will.)","WILL: Wait a second, no!","(He unlocks the handcuffs and grabs Will.)","FATIGUE MAN: Come on! MOVE IT!","(He starts leading Will out the back. A CIA man sneaks in and shoots Fatigue Man who was right in front of Will. Will stares in shock. Two fatigued men stand behind the CIA man and shoot him. Will gets the gun from the dead Fatigue Man and jumps out the back of the bus. Dixon is shooting outside and sees Will aim the gun inside the bus. Will shoots the two fatigued men and runs outside near the bus.)","DIXON: Tippin!","(Will runs across the road and slides down the embankment, not stopping. Dixon finally gets the sniper in the hills, who rolls down the slope. Will runs away. Dixon looks for him, but he's gone.)","(Sydney marches into the ops center.)","SYDNEY: You son of a bitch! You transferred Will to Camp Harris after we agreed to keep him here!","JACK: Sydney...","KENDALL: Hey, for the time being your father may be my superior but I am yours. Who the hell do you think you are to talk to me like that?","SYDNEY: My friend may be dead!","KENDALL: Your friend arranged for an armed assault team to facilitate his escape!","SYDNEY: How exactly did he do that from a holding cell? He didn't even get a phone call!","DIXON: Syd, I was there. I saw him with the gun. He fired into the transport.","SYDNEY: Are you sure it wasn't self-defense?","JACK: Would you excuse us please?","(Dixon and Kendall leave.)","SYDNEY: I know it's not smart to lose my cool with Kendall.","JACK: Sydney, you have to accept the possibility that the man we have in custody is not your friend.","SYDNEY: Dad, I don't believe it.","JACK: I understand.","SYDNEY: 'Cause if it wasn't Will then Will is most likely dead and I can't handle that.","JACK: We received your intel from Berlin, we're analyzing the list of server farms now. As soon as we have a lead on a facility, you'll know. Go home, get some rest.","(Irina meets with a contact. He opens a briefcase full of money.)","MAN: I have to admit, I was surprised when I was contacted.","IRINA: The plans, please.","MAN: What surprised me is you want blueprints to a government storage facility, rumor being that you're working with CIA now.","(He hands them over.)","MAN: Do me a favor. Let me know how you plan on doing it.","IRINA: Doing what?","MAN: Getting past the new access control system. Because unless you know how to crack it, these blueprints won't do you any good.","(Sydney and Francie's. Francie is crying.)","FRANCIE: Oh, I just can't believe it. It seems so insane.","SYDNEY: I know.","FRANCIE: I mean, how is it even possible that someone could look like Will and sound like him? I mean, it's just so ridiculous. Does the CIA have any idea where Will might be? I mean, the real Will?","SYDNEY: I'm sorry but I'm not authorized to give you any details.","FRANCIE: Syd, don't do this to me.","SYDNEY: Francie...","FRANCIE: Sydney, you're my best friend. You just told me that you're a spy and that my boyfriend's a double and now you're telling me you're not authorized?","SYDNEY: The answer is we don't know.","(Her cell rings.)","SYDNEY: Hello?","(At a public phone booth somewhere, Will is sunburned and dirty and scraped.)","WILL: Syd, it's me.","SYDNEY: Will, where are you?","(Francie perks up at that.)","WILL: I didn't escape! An assault team hit the bus, they tried to take me hostage or kill me, I don't know! But someone's framing me!","SYDNEY: The FBI and CIA both have you on a shoot-to-kill watch list. You have to tell me where you are.","WILL: Oh, so Kendall can take me to Camp Harris, treat me like a terrorist? Not a chance.","SYDNEY: I won't let that happen. If you are Will, you know I will do whatever it takes to make sure that nothing happens to you. Please let me bring you in.","(Pause. Will considers his options and rests his head against the phone booth.)","WILL: Syd, I love you. I can't-I can't trust you. Not anymore. Meeting you-meeting you destroyed my life. You want to help me? Prove I'm innocent.","SYDNEY: There may be a DNA record of the surgical procedure. It could clear you. It's-it's on a server farm somewhere in Europe.","(Francie once again perks up.)","SYDNEY: I'm gonna find it, I promise.","WILL: Okay, okay, this may be nothing but Markovic laundered money through real estate. He had a farm in Marseilles. Maybe it's not a cow\/pig farm, maybe it's a server farm.","SYDNEY: Marseilles. Do you remember where?","WILL: No, no. I got to go. I got to go.","(He hangs up. Sydney turns to Francie.)","FRANCIE: Syd, where is he? Is he okay?","SYDNEY: I have to go.","FRANCIE: No, talk to me. Tell me what's happening.","SYDNEY: I can't. I'm sorry.","(She hugs her.)","SYDNEY: Please try to understand.","(Sark and Francie chat on cell phones as he sits down waiting for Irina.)","SARK: Sydney Bristow's headed to Marseilles?","FRANCIE: Should I follow her?","SARK: Stay there. Finding Tippin is your priority.","(He hangs up when Irina walks in.)","SARK: How did it go?","IRINA: The NSA facility uses state-of-the-art locking mechanisms.","SARK: We've bypassed systems like that before.","IRINA: The access codes I downloaded from the CIA Echelon system won't work anymore. The NSA uses a time-synchronized key card.","(Sark stands up.)","SARK: Presumably a CIA agent, under the proper duress, could obtain such a key card. I'm about to confess something that will either delight you -- which I hope is the case, that would be nice -- or it will make you furious. While you were away Will Tippin was ordered to Camp Harris for unrestricted interrogation. They would have found out about our asset.","IRINA: What did you do?","SARK: I instructed that he be extracted and killed.","IRINA: I told you I didn't want him killed. Your asset could have been pulled from the field.","SARK: Yes, I know, but the situation had changed. Sydney, out of fear for Francie's life, told her she was going to Marseilles to recover evidence that would clear Tippin.","IRINA: Is he dead?","SARK: No, he's at large and believed to have escaped which should provide us the leverage we need to get into the NSA. If we recover the evidence in Marseilles before Sydney we can foirce her hand. Proof of Will's innocence in exchange for her aid in securing a key card.","(Outside, night. Jack and Sydney meet at what looks like an observatory.)","JACK: We just got the forensics report back on the detonator we found among Tippin's things. Will's fingerprint was placed on the trigger after it was wiped down.","SYDNEY: This is great, now we have evidence that confirms he was being framed.","JACK: Yes, still it will take hours for Justice approval to infiltrate the server farm. Take Vaughn with you. The two of you will go in tactically. I'll have Marshall prepare your op-tech.","SYDNEY: Kendall's going to report you.","JACK: I'm aware of the consequences.","SYDNEY: When the DOJ hears, you initiated an op without their approval--","JACK: Sydney, I've been doing this longer than you have. I'm not cut out for management anyway.","(She smiles and kisses Jack on the cheek. He watches her leave.)","(Ops center. Kendall walks over to Jack.)","KENDALL: We need to talk.","JACK: Yes, I know. I've been sanctioned by the DOJ. I'm no longer in charge of this operations center. That honor goes to you.","KENDALL: Maybe I'm a slow learner, Jack, because I don't understand you. A month ago you maneuver me out of my job and now here you are, handing it back.","JACK: I belong in the field.","KENDALL: You know, we can help each other. We don't have to be adversaries.","JACK: I appreciate your magnaminity.","KENDALL: (smirks) Now you're just mocking me.","JACK: Yes.","KENDALL: You know, part of the reason I sent Tippin to Camp Harris was to protect Sydney.","JACK: Why do you think you have your job back?","(Restaurant, at a table outside. Jack sits, alone, with a drink. A waitress comes over.)","SARAH: Thanks, Mr. Bristow.","JACK: Thanks, Sarah. Keep the change.","(She leaves. He takes another drink. Behind him, someone walks over to his table and takes the seat across from him. He's shocked, holding his drink midway to his mouth. It's Sloane, who takes off his sunglasses and smiles.)","SLOANE: It's good to see you, Jack.","JACK: I assume that since you're sitting across from me with so little regard for your life I'm in the cross hairs of a sniper rifle.","SLOANE: Two of them.","JACK: Of course.","SLOANE: I've missed your poker face.","(Jack just stares at him, same expression as always.)","SLOANE: (nods) So... there's something I want you to know. I forgive you.","JACK: Excuse me?","SLOANE: Your betrayal of SD-6. I'm curious, Jack. When did our friendship end?","JACK: The moment you recruited Sydney over my objections.","SLOANE: Ahh. I thought so. If I had known that decision would cost me our friendship and my relationship with Sydney, I would have done things differently.","JACK: Self-pity doesn't become you.","SLOANE: Oh, Jack, on the contrary. I'm here to make you an offer. I don't expect an answer now.","JACK: What would that be?","SLOANE: Come back to our partnership, Jack. I will tell you everything I've learned about Rambaldi.","JACK: An obsession I've never shared.","SLOANE: Well, now's the time to sign up. For years I collected his artifacts, as if that was the point. I thought Rambaldi's work was that window to the past. Today... I am one move away from proving to you that it is so much more than that. And this time Sydney won't be a pawn in our venture. Jack, sit here for a while, think about it.","JACK: We will never work together again.","SLOANE: The thing of it is, you are going to work with me -- sooner than you think. The men who have you in their sights have been instructed to put a bullet in your brain if you dial your cell or leave this table within thirty minutes.","(He gets up and puts his glasses on again.)","SLOANE: We'll see each other again, Jack. Trust me on that.","(He walks away. Jack looks over his shoulder.)","(Marseilles. Night. Outside the building, Sydney talks to a few of the agents who all wear black except for Vaughn who sits on the hood of a car, dressed in casual street clothes.)","SYDNEY: The chief of security holds a killswitch that enables him to wipe clean all of their data storage at any sign of attack. To prevent the destruction of the information we need, I will proceed to the security room and secure the killswitch.","VAUGHN: After confirmation from Agent Bristow you'll expedite through a facility where you'll consider everyone you encounter as hostile. We'll upload the file on the second double to a CIA server. Any questions?","(No one responds.)","VAUGHN: Agent Bristow...?","(She takes a bottle of champage and shakes it. She pops the cork and sprays it all over Vaughn. She smiles. He licks at the droplets that run down and off his nose.)","(Cut to the streets of Marseilles in front of the building. Hip hop music plays from Vaughn's car stereo as he swerves down the street and comes to a stop before the guards. He climbs out of the car with a bottle in his hand.)","VAUGHN: (playing drunk) H-hey! What is this, a private club? (giggles)","GUARD: Un American?","VAUGHN: Is this Paris? Where is--? Come on, can I...","GUARD: Hey, hey, monsieur...","VAUGHN: (stumbles) Whoa, whoa, whoa... Look, I had a little too much to drink. It's no big deal.","(Sydney sneaks up to the fence and cuts part of it out.)","VAUGHN: Is this the fancy club or is...","GUARD: Non, non, monsieur.","VAUGHN: Oh, I love you, man. I love you. Can I come in? I just want to...","GUARD: Non, non, non.","VAUGHN: Look, look, I know I've had a little too much to drink but I really just want to come in for a little bit. I hear--it's my friend. He told me, told me to come here. No, come on. I love you, man!","(Vaughn tries to hug the guard as Sydney sneaks in successfully.)","VAUGHN: Oh come on, let me just... I just want to go inside the club!","(Sydney waits for a guard to walk by on the roof and then sneaks by.)","VAUGHN: Listen, I love you, man! I do! I just, please, I love you, man.","(The guard pushes him away and tells him to get into his vehicle.)","VAUGHN: Hey, okay, okay,! All right. You're so grumpy, man.","(He gets in the car. Sydney runs to the side of the building and fires her cord up to the top. It tightens at the ledge. She hooks it onto her belt and starts climbing the wall. Vaughn drives around to the side and gets out, taking off his outer shirt and getting his gear. Sydney, at the top, shoots the guard in the neck with a tranq. He goes down. She climbs over the ledge.)","VAUGHN: What's your status, Mountaineer?","SYDNEY: I'm going in.","VAUGHN: Copy. We'll move in.","(Guards walk by inside. The security guard with the killswitch looks at the monitors. He turns around to see someone. Sydney, meanwhile, slides down a pole and inside. She looks at a security camera up high on the wall and runs by. She runs in the main room, entering the security wing, and sees the back of the killswitch guard. He's not moving. She turns him around and sees that his throat has been cut. She steps back.)","IRINA: Hello, Sydney.","(She jabs at Sydney, shocking her. It crackles. Sydney falls to the ground.)","SYDNEY: Ahhh!","VAUGHN: Sydney!","(She's shocked again.)","SYDNEY: Ahhh!","IRINA: I know what you're after. Your friend's suspected of being a double. You believe the information on this server could clear him.","(She holds the killswitch in her hand and is about to hit the button.)","SYDNEY: No, don't--!","(She does. The power goes off and on.)","VAUGHN: Go, go, go!","(The agents drive up and shoot the guards. They enter. Alarm wailing. Sydney is gasping on the floor.)","SYDNEY: You erased it...","IRINA: I transferred a copy to a secure location. I'll give it to you. In exchange, I want you to do something.","SYDNEY: Go to hell!","IRINA: If you don't, you'll never clear Will's name. He'll be tried as a traitor and executed. I'll be calling on you soon, Sydney.","(She runs out.)","(Will hides behind a pillar in the middle of nowhere. A car drives by and he ducks. Then, a horn honks twice and he sneaks a peek at a blue Ford Focus that has arrived. He runs over and climbs in.)","WILL: Thanks for coming.","FRANCIE: You okay?","WILL: Yeah. Yeah, I am now.","(They drive off together.)"],"Show Title":"Alias","Episode Number":"02x21","Episode Title":"Second Double","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Alias_03x10.json","Recap":["In her dream, Sydney sees Will and the name St Aidan. She visits Will who is now working as a construction foreman. He had thought Sydney was dead but Sydney proves her identity and tells Will that Alison Doren is still alive, working for The Covenant. Will explains that St Aidan is the name of a contact he had while with the CIA. Sydney and Will meet St Aidan, who is really Andrian Lazarey with one hand missing. Sark appears, manages to kidnap Lazarey and tortures him for information. Will and Sydney reminisce and become intimate. Sydney finds information that she may have a safe deposit box in an Austrian hotel in Graz. She goes there with Will and they break into a safe deposit box under the name of Julia Thorne. However, Sark gets there first and steals a metal cube. Will fights and kills Allison Doren and Sydney gets the cube back from Sark. The Rambaldi Cube contains a sample of human tissue, still active, bearing the name Milo Rambaldi. Lindsey suspects that Jack and Vaughn know Sydney's location and arrests them. He arranges for Sloane to hire an assassin to kill Sydney when she gets exchanged for a Rambaldi device, threatening to reveal Sloane's extra curricular activities to the Justice Department. However, Sloane actually has Lindsey killed and steals the Rambaldi device for himself."],"Transcript":["(We see the ending of the last episode, with Sydney in memory regression with Brezzel. She walks through a corridor and comes to a door marked \"47\" -- as she walks through she looks stunned and only says, \"Oh my God...\" but we cannot see what she is looking at. Finally, the camera pans around and we see Will Tippin standing there, behind a kitchen counter holding a glass of orange juice. There is a box of cereal in front of him on the counter. Pan back to Sydney, who still looks shocked.)","SYDNEY: Will!? What are you... (her voice trails off)","(Cut back to Will, who just stares at her. He looks rather angry at her. Cut to Sydney who looks down at the cereal box in front of him. We see the front of the box, it reads, \"St. Aidan flakes\" and there is a picture of a smiling sun. The smiling sun then winks at her and we pan back to Syd's reaction. She looks puzzled and looks back to Will.)","SYDNEY: Will, what does this mean?","(Cut back to Will, who is still standing there, mute. We then cut back over to Sydney and we see white lights start flashing around her head. We hear a strange muffled yell and Syd looks pained. We then cut directly to Sydney waking up from memory regression. There are brainwave monitors on her forehead and she is wearing headphones. She wakes up gasping for breath, and we see Brezzel's hand administering something from a syringe into her arm. She is confused and looks over to Brezzel, Vaughn and Jack who are standing beside her.)","SYDNEY: What happened?!","VAUGHN: We're pulling you out...","BREZZEL: We gave you a shot of 10ccs of adrenaline...","SYDNEY: (breathing hard and looking frantic) Why?!","BREZZEL: To wake you up...","SYDNEY: No... I was...","JACK: (interrupting) Syndey, I'm not going to let this kill you!","SYDNEY: Dad, I have to go back! I saw something...","VAUGHN: You're just going to flat-line again! You are not going back!","(Brezzel is trying to examine Sydney, removing the headphones and monitors and flashing a small light in her eyes. Jack and Vaughn are standing beside her on the opposite side of the table. Everyone is talking quickly and the camera moves back and forth between them all as they speak.)","SYDNEY: (still lying down) I was in my old apartment... I was there with Will!","JACK: Did Will say anything?","BREZZEL: (under his breath) I don't understand this reaction...","SYDNEY: No, nothing... but there was something... (she sits up)","BREZZEL: The cocktail mixture really needs to be adjusted, you know... and... p... please don't do that... (holding up his hand to halt Vaughn)","(Vaughn helps Sydney down from the table and interrupts Brezzel as he speaks)","VAUGHN: We're outta here!","BREZZEL: Th... those are her...","VAUGHN: (interrupting) You're not going to put her through this again!","BREZZEL: (speaking quickly & mumbling) ... monitors... but I'm sure I can give her something...","SYDNEY: Will knows something... (speaking louder) Will knows something, dad!","(Cut to Jack, who looks concerned)","JACK: Alright Sydney, we'll contact the witness protection program (dials a number on his cellphone)","(Cut back to Sydney, who suddenly looks panicked again)","SYDNEY: Wait... no... dad!","(Cut to an airplane flying through the night sky. We then hear Sydney's voice and we cut to her inside the plane with Vaughn and Jack.)","SYDNEY: Pulling Will out of witness protection... could be dangerous to him.","JACK: I'm not suggesting we pull him out. I'm suggesting you simply contact him. He knew Allison, he was there the night you were abducted.","(Pan over to Vaughn, who is sitting opposite Sydney and Jack, listening to them talk and looking concerned and tense. Cut back to Sydney talking to Jack)","SYDNEY: You'd know if he knew anything. Will must've been debriefed by the CIA before he went into the program.","JACK: Not by you. You'll go see him, recount your dreams, see if we can get another clue to your missing time.","(Cut to Sydney, who is looking at the ground, obviously torn between wanting to protect Will and finding out what happened to her over those missing two years.)","JACK: Contacting Will puts him in no danger.","SYDNEY: Maybe not... I just don't want to pull him back into this. (she gazes out of the plane window)","JACK: Sydney, you have to do this.","(Sydney still looks unconvinced. Pan to Vaughn.)","VAUGHN: You look like you were struggling towards the end. What was happening?","SYDNEY: (not looking at him) While I was under... I... fought myself. (she looks to Jack and then to Vaughn) I killed myself...","(Vaughn looks uneasily at Sydney, and then looks to Jack, who is looking directly at Sydney. Jack looks up and exchanges a glance with Vaughn, then looks back at Syd)","SYDNEY: And I heard myself say that it was The Covenant that had me. And that it wasn't an accident that I don't remember...","JACK: Dr. Brezzel commented that based on the data he'd compiled, he believed the memory of your missing time has been... removed.","SYDNEY: (quietly) What...?","JACK: And that however your memories were extracted, the precision with which it was done indicates you may have been a willing participant.","(Cut to Sydney who looks over to Vaughn and then back to Jack, obviously confused)","SYDNEY: I don't understand...","VAUGHN: Yeah, neither did he. (shaking his head slightly)","(Sydney looks alarmed and curious.)","(Cut to next scene. We see an aerial view of Los Angeles during the day and then we move into an alley with a parked car at one end. There is an unknown man, dressed in a black trenchcoat standing in front of the car. We see another car pull up, and the camera pans back to the man in black. It is Sloane. He watches the car approach. The second car stops and we see two men get out. It is Jack and Vaughn, both looking very serious. The three stand together.)","JACK: Lindsey still biting?","SLOANE: Lindsey clearly has his suspicions, but his agreement to go along with the trade seems to confirm that he's accepted the idea that Sydney's being held by The Covenant. (Pause) Where is Sydney?","JACK: Pursuing another lead...","SLOANE: (nodding slightly) Result of meeting the doctor... then he was helpful?","(Cut to Vaughn, who speaks bitterly)","VAUGHN: Despite the fact that he almost killed her, yeah, the doctor was great.","(Sloane looks directly at Jack and doesn't respond to Vaughn.)","JACK: The NSC is expecting one more call from The Covenant to set up the time and place for the exchange.","(Cut to Sloane's expressionless face, still staring at Jack)","JACK: Sydney for the Rambaldi device...","SLOANE: And you want me to make the call, representing The Covenant?","JACK: Yes. We're heading back to the CIA to disabuse Lindsey of any suspicion that we've been in contact with Sydney. In the meantime, I've instructed Sydney to contact you when she's ready to return.","(Cut to Sloane. He nods slightly. Jack pauses and then looks at Vaughn, turns around and begins walking back to get in the car. Before Vaughn leaves, he addresses Sloane.)","VAUGHN: I just wanted to say, for the record, concerning this... exchange. Sydney's life is in your hands... if you betray her... I swear to you, no matter what it costs me, I will kill you.","SLOANE: (expressionless) No need to worry, Agent Vaughn... I love her, too.","(Cut back to Vaughn who looks slightly angered and guilty)","WISCONSIN","(We see a large building under construction, with girders and cranes and materials lying about. We hear jackhammers and we zoom onto one of the floors inside to see construction workers milling about.)","CONSTRUCTION WORKER: (talking to another construction worker who we cannot see) Jonah! Hey! C'mon, quit being management, will you? Let's go get a bite to eat.","(The camera pans around and we see that he is talking to Will.)","WILL: You know, I gotta finish this schedule by tomorrow. Where are you guys goin? Sampsons?","CONSTRUCTION WORKER: Yeah. I'll save a seat for you, but you know how the women get around me, right? (smiling)","WILL: (smiles back) Yeah, I do. Yeah. Probably no room for me!","(Will turns and sits down at a table, busying himself with some building plans)","CONSTRUCTION WORKER: (leaving) See you later...","(Will continues to work and the camera pans around to the opposite side of the room. We see Sydney, dressed in flannel, walking in. She looks nervous. She stops when he is finally in full view and gazes at him working. He doesn't look up. She finally works up the courage to speak to him.)","SYDNEY: Hi...","(We cut back to Will, who has stopped working but still hasn't looked up. He slowly turns his head and looks at her, he looks guarded. Cut back to Sydney, who is trying to hold back the tears.)","SYDNEY: I know... (shaking her head and speaking softly)","(Cut back to Will, who is incredulous. He stares at her and slowly stands up, never taking his eyes off her. He looks stunned and he begins walking towards her. Cut back to Syd)","SYDNEY: Listen...","WILL: (interrupting) You're dead...","SYDNEY: I want to tell you everything...","(Will swallows and continues to stare at her, not believing what he is seeing.)","SYDNEY: Is there somewhere we can talk?","WILL: (pause) Yeah... sure... lemme just go get my stuff.","(Will turns away from her as if to get some equipment. We see a very relieved Sydney smiling at him. Will leans over and reaches into a gym bag and her expressions changes to one of horror when she realizes he is grabbing a gun. He turns quickly, the gun pointed right at her.)","SYDNEY: Will... what the hell are you doing...?!","WILL: Sydney Bristow died in a fire two years ago...","SYDNEY: (talking over him) Will, I swear to you...","WILL: I know about Project Helix...!","SYDNEY: I swear to you...","WILL: (yelling) I know what you are!","SYDNEY: I'm not a double!","WILL: How the hell did you find me?!","SYDNEY: (speaking quickly) My father knows your case officer...","WILL: What's his name?!","SYDNEY: I dunno...","WILL: (yelling louder) What's my case officer's name?!","SYDNEY: Will, I don't know! I didn't talk to him...","WILL: Down on your knees! Get down on your knees!","(Dropping to her knees)","SYDNEY: Okay...!","(Will turns slightly and picks up his cellphone that is sitting on the table where he is working and begins to dial a number)","WILL: I'm gonna call Langley and tell 'em you're here...","SYDNEY: (now very desperate and pleading with him) Will, you can't do that! I'm a fugitive! That's part of what I'm telling you... if you make that call, you'll burn me!","WILL: (sarcastically) Oh, that's convenient.","SYDNEY: Wa... wait... okay, okay. Listen! Listen... when... when we thought you were a double, you told me to ask you something only Will would know.","(Cut to Will, who still has the gun pointed at her and has the phone up to his ear.)","SYDNEY: Ask me something! Ask me something obscure!","(Will closes the cellphone and puts it down. He is thinking...)","WILL: When I had my job interview for the newspaper, something happened to me that day. I told you about it... what was it?!","SYDNEY: Someone bumped into you in the elevator, they spilled coffee on your new, white shirt. You were freaked, but Lynn Fack said it made you look like a working reporting... she gave you the job!","(Cut back to Will who looks stunned. He slowly begins lowering the gun... Sydney then suddenly jumps up and whacks him a little, taking the gun from his hand. She stands up and points it at him. Will looks terrrified.)","SYDNEY: You know if I wanted to hurt you, I could. (Cut to a stunned Will and then back to Sydney, who speaks as though she is trying to hold back tears). You're my best friend... you're my oldest friend... I love you...","(Will stands there, looking confused and hurt. He looks to the gun, still pointed at him.)","WILL: Why're you aiming the gun at me...?","(Sydney immediately drops the gun and it looks like it finally sinks into Will's head that it is really Sydney.)","WILL: Oh my God...","(Syd rushes towards him and embraces him tightly. Will hugs her back closely -- he looks very happy and relieved and she cries on his shoulder.)","(Cut to a car driving through the rain. As the car passes, an unknown man walks behind it toward an unknown destination. We can only see the bottom half of the man. He reaches a parked car and knocks on the window. The man in the car rolls the electric window down... it is Lindsey. The unknown man walks around to the other side and gets in... we see it is Sloane.)","SLOANE: I've found a marksman.","LINDSEY: How much?","SLOANE: (flatly) 500,000. (He pulls a note out of his pocket and hands it to Lindsey) Wired to this account.","(Lindsey nods slightly)","LINDSEY: Done. (He looks out the window for a moment) There is no margin of error here. If Sydney Bristow somehow survives this, I will turn over the dossier of your extracurricular activities to the Justice Department.","(Cut to Sloane, who turns slightly to gaze at him, yet says nothing.)","(Commerical break)","NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT","(We see what appears to be some abandoned warehouses, and then we are cut to a shot of Dr. Brezzel sitting inside, typing away on a computer. We are back in Brezzel's lab. There is a loud knock at the door and Brezzel looks up, slightly surprised. He walks to the door and opens it, only to see Sark standing there.)","SARK: Dr. Brezzel...","BREZZEL: Yes...?","(Sark quickly points a gun at him and shoots him in the left leg. Brezzel yells and drops to the ground. Sark walks in.)","(Cut to outside view of small diner - we hear Will's voice and then we cut inside to see Sydney and Will sitting inside, eating some food and talking)","WILL: Considering everything, I suppose I was lucky... I woke up in the bathtub... place was on fire... I crawled out. A few days later I woke up in the hospital.","(Cut to Sydney's face, she is listening intently - then cut back to Will who continues recounting the story of how he survived and went into Witness Protection)","WILL: The fact that I wasn't actually dating Francie, that it was her double, I thought that was like the number one most insane story of all time. But... (shaking his head slightly) yours actually tops it... (grinning at Syndey)","SYDNEY: (looking very serious) She survived... (cut to Will, his smile quickly fades into a look of anger)","SYDNEY: Allison Doren... the woman you thought was Francie. She's working with a group called The Covenant. We think they're the one's responsible for kidnapping me... setting the fires...","(Will looks as though he is choked-up and struggling to contain his emotions)","WILL: You know... I uh... I've always thought of myself as a pacifist. The idea of taking someone's life is just... inconceivable.(slight pause) But if I had the chance to kill Allison...","(Cut back to Sydney who looks pained by Will's admission)","SYDNEY: (shaking her head) I never woulda come here if I didn't have to...","WILL: Are you kidding me? (smiling lovingly at Sydney) You're like the most beautiful thing I've ever seen...","(Cut back to Sydney, who is now smiling warmly back at Will)","SYDNEY: I went to see a doctor. He had this sort of dream-therapy he thought might help me remember what happened to me. I was hoping you could help me make sense of it... you were sitting in my old apartment, there's a box of cereal on the counter. The box had a name written on it... something I kept seeing in the dream. St. Aidan...","WILL: St. Aidan was a contact of mine... when I was an analyst at the agency.","(Cut to Sydney who looks shocked)","WILL: Yeah... St. Aidan was his codename.","SYDNEY: What was his real name?","WILL: I never knew it... yeah, a uhh... an arms-dealer put me in touch with him.","SYDNEY: Do you remember how to contact him?","WILL: Yeah. He would only meet with me... you know, I can go in there again...","SYDNEY: (interrupting) No...","WILL: ...I can go in there alone...","SYDNEY: (interrupting again) No... you're not...","WILL: ...yeah, well maybe I am. Assuming you can even get ahold of him, he would only meet in person...","SYDNEY: (interrupting again) I didn't come here to pull you back into this...","WILL: (talking over her) I spent the last two years of my life pretending to be somebody that I'm not...","SYDNEY: It's not your fault, I didn't see...","WILL: (cutting her off) You weren't sleeping with her...","(With this Sydney stops trying to talk Will out of it and just gazes at him.)","SYDNEY: When you made contact with St. Aidan, what was the protocol?","(Cut to new scene. We see Will entering a phone-booth and hear his voiceover, explaining the protocol to contact St. Aidan and actually doing what the voiceover says to do.)","WILL: I'd dial a number... an answering machine in Bucharest. When it picked up, I'd dial a confirmation code. I'd hang up and wait for him to call me back.","(The voiceover stops and we're with Will in the phone-booth. The phone rings and Will answers.)","ST. AIDAN: Yes?","WILL: If you can, we need to meet.","ST. AIDAN: (Russian accent coming through) Tuesday night, 11:00. Same location. (St. Aidan hangs up, Will hangs up, too.)","(Cut to new scene. A man is strapped down to a table -- as the camera pans from his feet up to his head, we see Sark standing next to him. It is Dr. Brezzel. There is an IV-drip next to Sark going into Brezzel's arm. Sark leans over him to speak, Brezzel looks disoriented and scared.)","SARK: Listen to me very carefully, doctor... I need to know what Sydney Bristow told you.","BREZZEL: (Speaking slowly and with much effort. His speech is slurred.) Ssss...Sydney...? Bbb...brunette...she was the brunette... (He mumbles the last few words very softly and seems to be falling asleep - Sark slaps him in the face and he cries out a little.)","SARK: Yes... she was the brunette. You helped her recover her memories. Tell me what she found.","BREZZEL: Uh... the... uh... the morphine was very good. (Sark reaches for the IV-drip and appears turn down the dosage of whatever he is giving Brezzel) Like the old days when I... oh no, don't, don't... turn it off...","SARK: Answer the question. Answer and then you'll get more.","(Cut back to Brezzel's pained face)","BREZZEL: She said she uh... she fought... herself. And that she... saw... uhh... her friend... Will.","SARK: She saw Will in her dream?","BREZZEL: Yes. The father... he said he would... call the um... call the witness... (Brezzel appears momentarily confused and then shakes his head slightly.) No... no... he'd call the Witness Protection...","(Cut to Sark's pleased face and slightly worried face)","BREZZEL: ...Division. Yeah... yeah...","SARK: Do you mean Tippin's still alive?","BREZZEL: Meaning... I really need some more morphine... I've earned it. Dontcha think...?","(Sark reaches over and turns the dosage up very high. Brezzel watches his hand and looks panicked...)","BREZZEL: Not so much! I could... (his face goes into shock and he quits speaking. He has obviously received a fatal dosage of morphine.) I could... uhh...","(Cut to Sark, who is now walking away to leave Brezzel die. Sark walks off and Brezzel continues to object, but it's too late. The camera pans to a monitor with Brezzel's face on it and we watch him draw his last breath.)","(Cut to aerial shot of LA in the daytime. Back at CIA we see Lindsey, Vaughn and Jack looking through some folders and talking. Vaughn and Jack are standing in front of a seated Lindsey, presenting him with findings on Sydney's \"abduction.\")","JACK: As you know, a number of the video cameras were shot out. Those that were functional provided us with only marginal images of the men who took Syndey.","VAUGHN: We ran the video through our database and came up with eight possible matches. Now two weeks ago, one of the suspects rented an A-Star helicopter from a dealer in Austin (he hands Lindsey a folder. Lindsey flips through it)","JACK: Where he also recently purchased a warehouse downtown... we went there, but the building was only being used for storage. Boxes of fishing equipment... it was a dead-end.","(Cut to Lindsey, who looks suspicious)","LINDSEY: Fishing equipment... (a little sarcastically) Nice detail...","(Camera pans back to Vaughn and Jack, who give each other a slight look. Jack reaches down and picks up an evidence baggie and hands it to Lindsey)","JACK: The bullets The Covenant used are untraceable. The manufacturer hasn't actually made these shells for 15 years.","(Cut to Lindsey, nonchalantly examining the bullet shells)","LINDSEY: Oh... I reread your file... (stands up and walks over to his desk) I forgot, you were captured by East German intelligence agents. 1982? Yeah, wasn't your fault, of course. (Sits down on the edge of his desk) They got a tip that the CIA was on their tail, but you were unprepared. (Jack and Vaughn are both standing in front of him now) No back-up, no resources. Still... you convinced them your name was Aiken Osterburg, a history professor from Sweden.","(Lindsey smiles sarcastically again)","LINDSEY: They held you for two weeks and they never identified you as American... that's uh... that's impressive.","(Cut to serious-faced Jack)","JACK: We are talking... about the fate of my daughter.","(Lindsey looks up at Jack, we see Vaughn shifting a little, looking uncomfortable. He looks to Jack. Jack and Lindsey stare at each other cooly.)","LINDSEY: Where do you think she is?","JACK: (shaking his head slightly) Don't... do this.","(Lindsey smiles smugly)","LINDSEY: Where do you think she...?","(Before he can finish, Jack slugs him hard in the face. Lindsey yells and Vaughn immediately rushes to Jack to stop him. Two security guards rush in and break it up, hauling Jack and Vaughn out of the office.)","VAUGHN: Jack... Jack!","LINDSEY: Get him outta here! Take em into custody now! (nursing his hurt lip and looking really angry)","WARSAW, POLAND","(Cut to shot of a pier at night. Voiceover of Will talking to Sydney about St. Aidan impending arrival. The camera cuts to a shot of Syd and Will in an old warehouse preparing, Syd gives him a comm unit which he puts into his ear so she can monitor the conversation.)","WILL: If St. Aidan does show... what am I supposed to tell him?","SYDNEY: That you've just been given Code-Six clearance. That you want information about The Covenant. Last chance to bail out.","WILL: What, are you kidding me? I love this stuff.","(Will walks around the corner, leaving Sydney behind. She pulls out a hand-held monitoring device. She looks very concerned.)","(Cut to daytime back in LA.)","MARSHALL: (voiceover) Based on my analysis of the calls The Covenent made about the trading of the Rambaldi device for Sydney, sir...","(We see Marshall and Lindsey walking through the CIA building. Marshall has a folder in his hand.)","MARSHALL: Well... the voice-print analysis was unable to ID the voice, because whoever it was... they were using an anti-speech signal dramatization device...","LINDSEY: (cutting him off) So you're telling me you've got nothing? (they stop walking and face each other)","MARSHALL: Well... um... at the moment? Yeah, I uh... lack everything. Sir...","LINDSEY: (looking ticked off) So we've got no way to verify that it was actually The Covenant making the demand for the trade...?","MARSHALL: Well... you could say that the fact that we can't confirm it was them was confirmation that it was them... because it doesn't look like particularly stealthy Covenant behavior... uh... right (voice trailing off)","(Lindsey turns to walk away)","MARSHALL: Sir... Mr. Lindsey... one more thing... (Lindsey stops walking away and turns around to look at Marshall)","MARSHALL: Alright... um... Listen, I know I'm just the, you know, the tech-guy and I'm no one to you... Sydney Bristow... means a lot to me. I just wanted your opinion if she's gonna be alright...?","(Cut to Lindsey's face. He looks serious, yet slightly smug. He smiles slightly and looks to the ground, obviously acting the part of \"concerned\" colleague for Marshall.)","LINDSEY: I'm doing everything in my power to bring this to a safe and swift conclusion. You have my word.","MARSHALL: (looks relieved) Thank you... (Lindsey walks off)","(Cut to Will, still standing in the warehouse waiting for St. Aidan. He looks a little nervous and paces while he waits. Will checks his watch, it is 11:11.)","SYDNEY: (over the comm unit) Is he always this late?","WILL: We just might of gotten blown off...","(Cut to Sydney as she checks her watch. Then we hear a Russian voice coming through her comm unit and she looks up)","ST. AIDAN: Mr. Tippin...","(Cut back to Will, he turns around to face St. Aidan. The camera then goes back to Sydney who is watching Will through a small hand-held telescope. She pans her view over to St. Aidan... it is a white-haired gentleman, his hand is bandaged)","WILL: What happened to your hand?","(St. Aidan comes into full view now)","ST. AIDAN: Another time perhaps...","(Cut back to Sydney, still watching through her telescope. A look of recognition comes over her face... incredulously she says...)","SYDNEY: Oh my God... it's Lazarey...","(Cut back to Will, who is now speaking to Lazarey)","WILL: It's good to see you again. I wasn't sure you'd come.","(Cut back to Syd who is still watching them. We hear Lazarey's voice through the comm unit)","LAZAREY: I would not have come at all... except... money is something I could use.","(Cut back to Lazarey. He looks a little desperate as he talks to Will)","WILL: Well, uh, we'll see what we can do about that. You should know I've been given Code-Six clearance... and I need to know about The Covenant.","(Cut to Lazarey -- he looks surprised and a little frightened.)","LAZAREY: Why are you asking me about The Covenant...?","(Cut back to Syd listening through the comm unit)","WILL: I thought that you would...","LAZAREY: How do you think I even know anything about them?","(Cut back to Will & Lazarey)","WILL: Well... well, obviously you know something...","LAZAREY: I cannot talk about Covenant... (turns to walk away)","WILL: Wait a minute... excuse me... lives are at stake!","(Cut back to Syd listening through the comm unit - we see Lazarey through the lens as he turns to leave again)","LAZAREY: Yes, they are! We have nothing further to discuss...","SYDNEY: Tell him Julia Thorne sent you...","WILL: Julia Thorne sent me.","(With this, Lazarey stops walking, and he turns slowly to face Will. We go back to Syd listening through the comm unit)","LAZAREY: No... I don't believe you... (he starts walking away -- we cut back to Syd who gives Will more instructions)","SYDNEY: Yell out the name Lazarey!","WILL: Lazarey...? (he stops walking again)","SYDNEY: Tell him Julia told you his name. That she needs to see him, that she trusts him, but she's in danger...","WILL: It was Julia Thorne... (walking towards him) ...she told me your name.","(Lazarey turns to face Will again - he looks alarmed, but he listens to Will)","WILL: She needs to see you. She trusts you, but she's in danger...","(Lazarey begins walking slowly towards Will)","LAZAREY: Did they find it...?","(Cut to Will, who looks puzzled.)","SYDNEY: I don't know what he's talking about...","LAZAREY: Have they been to Gratz...?","(Cut to Will who looks like he's trying to figure out what to say.)","LAZAREY: (looks panicked) I need to know if...","(Suddenly, we hear screeching car tires. Lazarey and Will look towards the sound -- we see a silver VW van pull up quickly. Sark is in the front seat, he pulls out a tranquilizer gun and shoots Lazarey. As Lazarey falls to the ground, a yellow tranq-dart in his neck, we hear Sydney through the comm unit)","SYDNEY: Will, get outta there! He's after Lazarey!","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Sark jumps out of the van and Will runs away. We then see Sydney coming around the corner, gun drawn and shooting at Sark. He sees her and jumps behind the open door of the van)","SYDNEY: Sark!","(Syd continues shooting at him, but he evades her. Will successfully hides himself and begins running away. As he starts to run, a blue sedan pulls up in front of him at a rapid speed. He stops, but soon we see it is Sydney coming to his rescue.)","SYDNEY: Will! (Her gun is drawn right at Will - he suddenly drops to the ground and we see Sark directly behind him. Sydney shoots at him, narrowly missing him and Will manages to jump into the car and they get away. As they speed away into the night, we see Sark standing there watching them.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","WARSAW, POLAND - SAFEHOUSE","(Cut to an outside shot of an old brick building at night. It looks like an old apartment complex. Inside we see Will and Sydney sitting at a table, discussing the meeting with Lazarey, drinking vodka and looking over documents together.)","SYDNEY: I can't make sense of it. I mean... how we got to Lazarey, what he meant... what The Covenant wants... But they don't kill Lazarey, they tranq him. They abduct him, they wanted him... Lazarey asked if \"they got it.\" So whatever's going on, there's the thing...","WILL: Yeah... and there's someone else who's trying to find it. I mean, things don't really get any more vague than that, do they?","SYDNEY: It's Sloane... it's obviously Sloane.","WILL: (drink still in hand) Syd, you've been going over this since the beginning of time (making a hand gesture towards the documents in front of her on the table. Syd looks up at him)","WILL: You'll figure it out. (taking a huge swig of vodka)","SYDNEY: (going back to work) What makes you say that...?","WILL: Because you're you...","(Syd looks up at him and smiles slightly.)","(Cut to new scene - we see an aerial view of a silver bus speeding over a bridge. We cut to the inside of the bus, it is carrying Jack and Vaughn - both handcuffed.)","VAUGHN: Think that was the best move... punching Lindsey in the face?","JACK: Based on the comments he was making, it was obvious that you and I were going to end up here no matter what we did. Whether I hit him or not... I wasn't about to pass up the opportunity.","VAUGHN: (looking down at the floor and shaking his head slightly) We shouldn't have let Sydney go...","JACK: Vaughn...","VAUGHN: What?","JACK: Sydney can no longer be your primary concern.","VAUGHN: What the hell's that supposed to mean?","JACK: I didn't bring his up to start a petty fight. The fact is, you and I have something in common. We've both suffered through the death of the woman we love, only to discover she was still alive. I know it's hard, but this isn't about you... and I will not allow my daughter to become your mistress.","(Vaughn looks up at Jack when he says this with a look of surprise, anger and guilt written on his face.)","VAUGHN: If that's where you think my concern for Sydney is headed, then you are even more cynical than I thought.","JACK: If lightning strikes, Mr. Vaughn, and you and I get to walk free again... if you care about my daughter as you claim to... then push her away. Be cruel if you have to... make her despise you! Because your kindness tortures her... I can see it... what it does to her. And I won't have it...","(Vaughn has a look of guilt and sadness as he looks to the ground again, unable to respond to Jack.)","(We then cut back to Will and Sydney who are still at the safehouse. They have obviously forgotten about the work ahead of them and continued to drink vodka. They are both on the floor, with Will leaning against the bed and Sydney is lying down with her head in his lap. He has a vodka bottle in his hand and she is drinking from a glass. The mood has definitely lightened.)","WILL: You... and Vaughn's wife work together... okay, now how the hell did that happen...?","SYDNEY: Let's talk about you... beautiful painter lives in your building, and you haven't asked her out... why?","WILL: Because Jonah's uh... recovering from a post-tramatic dating syndrome. After his last girlfriend dumped by ramming a bayonet into his lungs.","SYDNEY: Hmmm...","WILL: Let's go back to you... okay, you and Vaughn's wife...","SYDNEY: Yeah... I hate her. I mean, I don't... she's nice...","WILL: Yeah...","SYDNEY: Yeah... (they both laugh at each other's miseries)","(Cut back to Sydney's face, looking more serious)","SYDNEY: But not because of her... (he looks down at her, concerned) It's just... I still love him...","(Pan back up to Will's face, he shakes his head a little)","WILL: (whispering) God... That sucks...","(Sydney sits up and moves in closer to Will)","SYDNEY: You know, Will... considering everything I think I'm pretty normal...","(Her face changes and it looks as though she is about to cry, but she laughs it off a little)","SYDNEY: I'm emotional... you try to be honest, but I've... I've never been a depressed person. (holding back tears again) Until now...","(Will looks very concerned for her)","WILL: I get it...","SYDNEY: I mean, nothing has felt the same this year, and it's... it's... not just Vaughn... it's... you... and Francie (she begins to cry a little at the mention of Francie)","SYDNEY: I dunno...","WILL: What...?","(She looks directly into his eyes)","SYDNEY: I'm just alone.","(Sydney begins crying more, and Will leans in to comfort her. He kisses her on the forehead and pulls her into his arms. She begins crying on her shoulder and he sooths her)","WILL: It's okay, it's okay...","(Sydney holds him tighter and nuzzles her face into his neck. With this, her face leans into his and he begins kissing her full on the lips. As they kiss passionately, the scene cuts fades out)","BUENOS AIRES, AREGENTINA","(Cut to a daytime scene, with a beautiful fountain and lush green grass. There is large brick building behind the fountain, which looks kind of a like some sort of university building. We cut to a black metal bench, there is a newspaper on the bench and a man is picking it up. As the camera pans up, we see a young dark haired man. The camera widens and we see Sloane sitting next to him.)","SLOANE: Your target is a government employee...","(The camera pans to show them both sitting there, appearing like they don't know one another. Sloane is gazing forward and the dark-haired assassin pretends to read the newspaper)","ASSASSIN: When and where?","SLOANE: When I know, you'll know.","ASSASSIN: And just when I was beginning to believe the glowing press about you being such a... humanitarian.","(Expressionless, Sloane turns to face him)","SLOANE: You're a smarter man than that... (he stands up and walks away)","MOSCOW, RUSSIA","(Cut to a night-time scene. We see some large buildings behind a small bridge on the water. Cut to inside, where we see Lazarey constrained in a chair. There is a large man guarding the door. The door swings open and Sark enters. There is a small table next to Lazarey with some sort of instrument on it. Sark motions to the guard and the guard leaves. Lazarey just watches Sark, who walks over to him and sits next to him.)","LAZAREY: Who are you...?","SARK: (slight pause) You abandoned me as a child... the vague memory I have of you, you were physically abusive.","(Lazarey looks mildly shocked, but doesn't respond.)","SARK: Later in life, you left me 800 million dollars, should I go on...","(Cut to Lazarey, who still looks as though he is unable to speak)","SARK: (sarcastically) Hello... daddy...","LAZAREY: (looking him squarely in the eyes) You were not grateful...? Your inheritance was not enough?","SARK: I know the truth, and therefore I show no remorse seeing you like this...","LAZAREY: I was an aparachick by profession, but a Romanov by blood. So are you... in part, that's why I staged my death... to give you the inheritance that is rightfully yours.","SARK: That's wonderful spin... you should know that the inheritance that you'd hoped would buy back my affection now finances my employer... The Covenant.","LAZAREY: (surprised) Julian... The Covenant... they are... true evil...","SARK: (ignoring him) The man you were meeting with... I want to know exactly what you said to him. Every word.","LAZAREY: (disgusted) Hrmpf... pathetic... (looks away from Sark)","(Cut back to Sark who looks cooly angered. He pauses to watch Lazarey and after a few seconds, he turns to look down at the table next to Lazarey's chair. The camera pans down and we see a mini blowtorch, which Sark picks up and turns on. Lazarey turns to look him.)","SARK: I'll give you a moment... (he holds the flame in front of Lazarey) ...to remember exactly what you said.","(Lazarey can't take his eyes off the blue flame. He doesn't answer, and Sark stands up and approaches.)","SARK: I'll ask you one more time... what exactly did you tell the man you were meeting with?","LAZAREY: You wouldn't do something like this... not to your own father...","(We then see the blue flame move in towards Lazarey's face. The camera cuts to Sark smirking sadistically and we hear Lazarey's screams...)","(Cut back to the safehouse. We see Will & Sydney inside... in bed! They are lying there, looking up at the ceiling. Suddenly Sydney looks up, as though she has remembered something.)","SYDNEY: (whispering) Oh my God...","WILL: I know, it's weird... I've been waiting to do that for like eight years...","SYDNEY: No... what you said before (sitting up in bed) ...about me being me...","WILL: I don't remember...","(She hops out of bed and begins to dress)","SYDNEY: Lazarey asked if \"they have it\" -- have they been to Gratz... whatever it was that was hidden, whatever he was talking about... I obviously had it... I must've had it in Gratz...","(She sits at the table and opens her laptop)","SYDNEY: Whatever I did, if it was me, the choices I made were my choices.","WILL: Oh... so if you had something to hide today, where would you hide it?","SYDNEY: Exactly.","WILL: Uh, well that depends on what it is, what the contents is...","SYDNEY: Assume for a second that it's... information... data... video... something that can be stored.","WILL: Well if it's something small, it can be hidden anywhere.","(Sydney is typing away on her laptop, Will is still in bed)","SYDNEY: Somewhere safe...","WILL: Well, when Lazarey spoke, it didn't sound like it was someplace protected...","(Sydney has on-screen a listing of banks in Gratz. She looks down the list)","SYDNEY: I know, that's why I'm thinking bank or hotel safety deposit box... (she types in keywords \"List of Hotels\" and a list comes up)","WILL: Well, how come?","SYDNEY: Because that's where I'd put it... (she looks down at the list of hotels on her laptop) Where would I hide something...?","(She sees a hotel named \"Das Hotel Verlustzeit\" and she clicks on it)","SYDNEY: Wait a second...","(A website for Das Verlustzeit Hotel pops up on her laptop.)","WILL: What...?","SYDNEY: Hotel Verlustzeit... (she continues to read the website)","(Cut to new scene - we see Allison leaning against a wall, smoking a cigarette and looking bored. We hear a door open and close, and we see Sark walking from behind her, cleaning his hands off with a towel. As he walks past her, he says...)","SARK: We're going to Gratz. Hotel Verlustzeit.","(She throws her cigarette on the ground and follows Sark out.)","(Commerical break)","GRATZ, GERMANY","(Aerial view of a German castle-looking building - it is the hotel. In the lobby we see lots of young, hip, beautiful people milling about. There is a guy sitting on a couch with a guitar, and as the camera pans around, we see Sydney and Will. Sydney has a short fuchsia and black dress on, with a matching fuzzy coat and black sunglasses. She has a short black wig that flips out and the ends are tipped in fuchsia also. Will is wearing all black -- a leather jacket, a black stetson hat and sunglasses. He is carrying a guitar case, and is drinking a bottled beer. As they pass one of the hotel workers, he hands him the empty bottle. They arrogantly walk to the front desk.)","FRONT DESK CLERK: Allo! Checking in?","WILL: Yeah, of course (in British accent and looking bored) I'm here... she's here... we made it...","(The front desk clerk pauses and looks at them both)","FRONT DESK CLERK: And you are...?","SYDNEY: We're the next big thing (also with a British accent)...","(Will gives the clerk a cocky smile. We then cut to Syd and Will entering their hotel room.)","BELLHOP: This way please... this is one of our finest suites...","WILL: Yeah, yeah... (mumbling) it's all fine, we're fine...","BELLHOP: The bar is um... over there (points) and the gym is on the sixth floor, open 24 hours. Of course you have a balcony...","(Syd and Will have thrown their stuff on the floor, and Syd has gotten on the bed and start dancing. Will plops down on the coach in front of the bed as the bellhop continues to speak)","BELLHOP: Um... fantastic view... (looking at Sydney) ... that should be it... Is there anything else I can get for you?","(Sydney flops down on the bed)","WILL: Yeah, thank you for asking... you're a lovely little man, isn't he... (points behind him to Syd)","BELLHOP: Thank you...","WILL: Yeah... sweetheart, um... two bottles?","SYDNEY: Of what...?","WILL: Champagne... four... two... two bottles?","SYDNEY: One's good.","WILL: Right... right... (he stands up and walks to the bellhop - he throws his arms over the much-shorter bellhop)","WILL: (speaking quieter, to the bellhop) We're gonna get four bottles of champagne, okay? And I'm going to tip you like I ordered five.","BELLHOP: Yes, sir.","WILL: You know what I mean?","BELLHOP: Yes, sir.","WILL: You do, you cheeky little b*st*rd...","(Sydney hops up out of bed and Will escorts the bellhop to the door)","WILL: Cheers.","(The bellhop leaves and Syd gives Will a funny look and walks to the door to peer out. When she gets to the door she shoots him a smile.)","WILL: What...? What...? C'mon, if we're gonna do this, we gotta, you know, be legit about it.","(She hangs to the \"Do not disturb\" sign on the door)","SYDNEY: It's a little over-the-top...","WILL: Over-the-top? I'm wearing seat-covering, there is no \"over-the-top.\" Plus, I like champagne!","(We see Will opening the guitar case. He removes the guitar to reveal Syd's laptop and some hacking devices)","WILL: You keep forgetting, I live in Wisconsin now... I'm not squandering this...","(Sydney grabs some hacking device from the guitar case, and picks up the television remote from the table. As she hands the remote to Will, she plugs the device into the back of the tv)","SYDNEY: Pull up the on-screen check-out...","(The television comes on with the check-out menu. Will uses the remote to select the check out options. Sydney jiggles something behind the television and Will boots up the laptop)","WILL: You have to admit, my accent was pretty good. It was like... early Stones...","SYDNEY: I thought it was Australian... (smiling)","WILL: (chuckling) Shut up... I was like... (in his fake British accent) \"yeah, I'm here, she's here, we made it.\" Okay, that's good. (laughing as he recounts their check-in and still speaking with a fake British accent) \"Take a look at it... right, that's a love, carry on...\"","SYDNEY: (Sitting down to work) Let's get past these firewalls...","(Will takes off his sunglasses and gets more serious.)","SYDNEY: See if I was ever here... (looking up at the television screen)","SYDNEY: Okay, we're in the system.","WILL: Alright, what're we lookin' for?","SYDNEY: Long-term storage contracts. The names of people who have things in safety deposit boxes, for example.","(Names start popping up on screen, we move down the names until we see... Julia Thorne! Both she and Will look shocked.)","WILL: Unbelievable...","(We see Julia's name and a box number -- 023)","SYDNEY: Box 23. Let's see if they have a floorplan online...","WILL: What if they don't?","(Floorplan pops up on screen)","SYDNEY: Think positively.","(Will looks at her in awe.)","SYDNEY: Here we go... sub-basement. Just past the northeast corridor...","WILL: What about security? (He hops up and grabs something out of the guitar case, Syd is busy studying the floorplan and doesn't even notice)","SYDNEY: I'm almost done looping the surveillance cameras... Let's move!","(They leave the room and start walking down the hall, carefully checking around the corners. They come to a locked green door with a security number-pad - Will applies a hacking device to crack the code and the door opens seconds later. They walk into the sub-basement containing rows & rows of safety deposit boxes. They stop at box 23 and Sydney takes a tube of lipstick from her purse.)","WILL: I see, now you're primping...","SYDNEY: Not exactly...","(She takes the lipstick and draws a large square covering box 23. She then removes a small bottle and begins spraying the lipstick sqaure she just drew with something)","SYDNEY: Stand back...","(The lipstick square begins sizzling and suddenly it catches fire. It melts right through the metal and Sydney opens the box. Inside there is a small, six-sided metal box.","WILL: What is that?","(As Sydney reaches for the cube, it moves away from her. She looks momentarily puzzled until she realized the other end of the safety deposit box is also open and a magnet is pulling the cube away from her. As the cube clinks to the magnet, we see a hand reach in and remove the cube. Syd & Will look stunned, and we then see Sark's face peering at them from the other end, smirking. Sark winks at Sydney.)","SYDNEY: Sark's got it...! (they turn to run)","(They rush back through the green door and look down the hallway, trying to figure out the best way to pursue Sark. Will moves to one side of the hall and begins to walk away from her)","WILL: Go!","SYDNEY: Will you can't, you're not trained!","(Will draws a gun and runs the opposite direction, ignoring Sydney)","WILL: Go!","(Sydney runs the opposite direction, hoping to cut Sark off. We cut to Will, who is half-running down the hallwas, holding the gun pointed down towards the ground. As he passes by a doorway, a supply-cart comes gets shoved out in front of him, Will flips over the top of the car and falls to the ground, dropping his gun. He reaches over for the gun, but someone kicks it out of his reach... the camera pans up and we see it is Allison.)","ALLISON: I guess we have unfinished business...","(She kicks him in the stomach while he is still on the ground. We then cut to Sark who is running down a different hallway, trying to escape with the cube. In hot pursuit is Sydney. We cut back to Allison and Will who are in the midst of a fist-fight. Somehow, Will has learned some martial arts moves and is keeping his own with Allison. He kicks her backwards and stuns her, flipping her around backwards. Out of his view, she pulls a knife out and begins lunging at him. Cut back to Sark still running from Syd, she is closing in on him. As he reaches the door at the end of the hallway, she catches up to him and kicks him in the back, sending him headlong through the door and onto the ground. He drops the cube and it clinks to the ground. Sydney peers down at him and as he tries to crawl towards the cube to grab it, she kicks him violently in the face, flinging him back to the ground. We then cut back to Allison and Will -- she kicks him backwards, but he jumps up and rips a long rectangular light from the ceiling and flings it back on her, sending her reeling backwards. He rushes towards her, and pins her against a wall, the knife still drawn between them. They struggle, both staring into each other's eyes with looks of utter hatred and anger.)","WILL: This is for Francie...","(Allison looks very ticked off and Will stabs her in the chest. She looks shocked, and as she slides down the wall, he steps backwards and lets her drop. Cut back to Sydney picking up the cube and examining it curiously for a moment. She begins running down the hallway again, and as the camera pans up, we see Sark unconscious on the floor behind her. Cut back to Will, who is bloodied and out of breath, still staring down at Allison. Sydney comes up behind him, she sees Allison's lifeless body on the floor.)","SYDNEY: (out of breath) Will... Will!","(He turns to face her, he looks angry)","SYDNEY: We gotta get outta here!","(He looks back down at Allison for a second and then turns to leave. We hear him drop the knife and the two of them run out together. As he passes by his gun, he picks it up and they escape. Fade to black.)","(Cut to Sloane with an earpiece in his ear. We hear Sydney's talking to him. He is drinking a glass a red wine.)","SYDNEY: (through earpiece) Set the time and place with Lindsey, I'm ready to be traded back.","SLOANE: Sydney... Lindsey has taken your father and Vaughn into custody.","(Cut to Sydney. It is night-time and she in traveling in a car, talking into a cellphone. She looks over to Will as he drives and Sloane continues)","SLOANE: Dixon's in custody, as well. But we need to proceed with this trade as planned so that Lindsey believes you were being held by The Covenant. The Rambaldi device is being delivered in San Pedro. They've hired a team to pick it up that'll appear to be working for The Covenant... as soon as they've left the area... you're to drive yourself to Lindsey...","SYDNEY: (looking agitated) You are never ending up with the Rambaldi device. I want it put inside the van and taken directly to the parking lot at Hill Street and 9th... I want the van to remain visible at all times, no one is to enter or exit the vehicle...","(Cut back to Sloane, who is swirling the wine around in its glass)","SLOANE: Sydney... you have my word.","SYDNEY: That's a relief.","(Cut to CIA building where we see Weiss walking into the rotunda. His cellphone rings and he grabs it from his breast-pocket to answer.)","WEISS: (answering) Weiss.","SYDNEY: Listen very carefully, I need a favor.","WEISS: (looks around to make sure he can't be overheard and speaking quietly into his phone) Where are you?","SYDNEY: Just listen to me and tell no one about this call. The Rambaldi device is being traded to The Covenant... it's actually going to Sloane... he needs to be watched from the moment he gets the device. Grab the feed from the satellite that has a view of the trade... track their van. Any suspicious stops, anyone gets on or off, have a team standing by to bring them in.","WEISS: Alright... I got it. Whatever the hell you're up to... good luck. (he closes his phone - fade to black)","LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA","(Aerial view of the city during the day. Cut to a pier, it looks like the same pier Sydney drove off of in episode 1x17. There is a black sedan and two men standing outside of it. The driver's side car door opens and Lindsey steps out. Lindsey pulls out a walkie-talkie)","LINDSEY: (into the walkie-talkie) Status?","VOICE: The Covenants representatives have taken possession of the Rambaldi device.","(Cut to scene with two men loading a small wooden crate onto the back of a truck. Cut back to Weiss back at CIA monitoring the device via a satellite feed. He has an earpiece in.)","WEISS: Syd, I'm tracking the van, the package is inside.","SYDNEY: Copy that. (Cut to Sydney sitting in the front of a parked car, talking into a walkie-talkie) You'll follow the van to the rendezvous point, anything unusual you'll let me know.","WEISS: Roger that.","SYDNEY: I'm heading towards Lindsey, wish me luck.","(Cut back to Lindsey.)","VOICE: Sir, we have a twenty on Agent Bristow, she's approaching the dock.","(Sydney's car pulls up and she gets out. As she walks towards Lindsey, the camera pans up to a large ship in the water behind her. We see a sniper's rifle and the camera cuts in to the dark-haired assassin Sloane met with earlier. Sydney is in the cross-hairs. )","AGENT NEXT TO LINDSEY: (into walkie-talkie) Bristow has arrived.","(She approaches Lindsey and she in within a few feet of him.)","LINDSEY: (fake smile) On behalf of the U.S. government, I wanna say... how relieved I am at your safe return.","(Cut back to the assassin who is readying himself to pull the trigger. Sydney looks to Lindsey's chest and sees a red-laser dot right over his heart... he looks down and Sydney turns to yell, but before she can do anything a shot rings out and Lindsey falls to the ground. The surrounding agents duck behind the car and draw their weapons, but it is too late. Lindsey is dead.)","(Cut to the truck carrying the Rambaldi device. Two men are standing outside the truck and a car pulls up. When the camera turns to face the men, we see that one of them is Sloane. As the car comes to a stop, he approaches. Sydney gets out of the car and rushes towards him, she looks perturbed.)","SYDNEY: You murdered Robert Lindsey.","SLOANE: I think you already know my response...","SYDNEY: Lemme guess, you don't know what I'm talking about...","SLOANE: (shaking his head) Not a word.","(Sydney walks past him to wooden crate containing the Rambaldi device. She opens the crate to reveal some rusted and worthless metal parts. She holds up one of the pieces and turns to face Sloane with an accusatory look on her face.)","SLOANE: I did everything you asked. I followed your protocol precisely.","(She tosses the part back into the crate)","SYDNEY: This was your endgame the whole time...","SLOANE: Now you can go on blaming me if you like... or you can accept the truth...","SYDNEY: Which is what?","SLOANE: The deceiver was Lindsey... not me. His team might've thought so, but apparently Lindsey never gave us the Rambaldi device. It was a set-up.","(Sydney approaches Sloane so that she is standing just a couple feet from him)","SYDNEY: I don't know how you did this... but you're not gonna get away with it.","SLOANE: I don't know what you're talking about...","(Cut to Sydney who is simply staring at him with hate in her eyes and then back to Sloane who is looking quite innocent.)","(Cut back to CIA building where Sydney is walking. As she rounds a corner, she sees Dixon standing there talking to someone. She turns and continues to walk until she comes upon Vaughn and Jack at a computer.)","SYDNEY: It seems like everything is falling back into place. (She looks down at Vaughn) Thank you... by the way. For everything...","(He looks up at her as if tongue-tied.)","VAUGHN: (Nodding slightly) Yeah... (he looks uncomfortable, and quickly stands up) I gotta go... I'm meeting Lauren. (He leaves and Syd watches him walk away. Jack's eyes follow him as he goes.)","(Cut to shot of the cube -- now open. Marshall is pulling something out of it with tongs.)","MARSHALL: I'm not exactly sure what this means... (he pulls out a small vial containing some redish\/brown liquid and holds it up in front of Sydney and Jack)","SYDNEY: What is that...?","MARSHALL: What was inside the box. It's human tissue... vital, still active. (The camera zooms in to a small piece of tissue in the bottom of the vial)","MARSHALL: Oh, and uh... there was a name, etched in the side of the box. (Puts the tissue down and picks up the cube).","MARSHALL: Milo Rambaldi...","(Cut to Jack's surprised look and Sydney's look of curiosity. The camera then cuts to Will being escorted by an agent out of the building. As he turns a corner, we hear Sydney behind him.)","SYDNEY: Will... (he stops and turns around. He approaches her and the escort stays behind so they can have a private goodbye.)","SYDNEY: I've been looking for you. You feelin' alright?","WILL: Yeah... (nodding)","(Sydney watches his reactions and imitates his slight nod)","WILL: Seeing Allison again... killing her... I musta dreamed about it I dunno how many times... When you told me that she was still alive, I thought if I had the chance, then ending life would be satisfying. You know, there'd be closure. Cathartic. But it's just as empty as the dreams... it's horrible... there's no... satisfaction... there's nothing.","SYDNEY: I know they talked to you. Now that The Covenant knows you're still alive... you might want to move again. Maybe somewhere out of the country...","WILL: Nah... I'm not going to run anymore. I'm gonna stay in Wisconsin. I dunno what I'll do when I get back, maybe I'll ask out that painter. (they look into each others eyes) We're gonna see each other again...","(Sydney smiles warmly and reaches up to hug Will tightly.)","WILL: Love you (pulling away from her and smiling)","SYDNEY: You too (smiling back)","(He turns to walk away back towards the escort waiting for him.)","SYDNEY: Will...","WILL: Yeah...","SYDNEY: We never talked about that...","WILL: Yeah. I kinda like that. (smiling)","(Will begins walking out, but before he goes he turns to take on last look at Sydney. She looks honestly happy as she watchces him leave.)"],"Show Title":"Alias","Episode Number":"03x10","Episode Title":"Remnants","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Alias_04x04.json","Recap":["Vaughn goes undercover as a priest with a dark past. He and Sydney set out to intercept a bioweapon called Ice Five, similar to the Ice Nine in Kurt Vonnegut's novel Cat's Cradle (it causes the water in the body to crystallize instantly at room temperature). Vaughn still feels guilty over Lauren's death; he confesses his feelings with a sympathetic enemy and he bonds with her. Nadia has questions for Jack regarding her mother, Irina Derevko."],"Transcript":["Scene opens to a Middle Eastern indoor marketplace. There are various stalls selling metal wares, goats, etc. Pan to a bearded Caucasian man in his 30s (Modell), dressed in shorts, polo shirt and baseball cap wanders through the crowd mumbling to stray passerby:","MODELL: My bird is missing.","MODELL: My bird is missing. Watching this, Weiss (who is also dressed casually) rolls his eyes and sidles up behind Modell to tell him:","WEISS: It's \"I've lost my canary,\" and try telling it to the woman in the caf\u00e9 upstairs. Weiss shakes his head as Modell walks away. He threads his way through the crowd. We see he passes Vaughn, also dressed in casual clothing, pretending to look at some wares as he watches the staircase up to the caf\u00e9. Modell finds casually dressed Sydney sitting at a table drinking a cup of espresso. He sits down and says:","MODELL: I've lost my canary.","SYDNEY: You should have clipped its wings. Modell crosses his arms together and shivers a little bit.","MODELL: It's weird. Are you cold? I'm kind of cold. It's probably nerves. It's not like I've ever stol Dixon walks up, dressed in indigenous clothes, posing as a waiter in the caf\u00e9. In Arabic, he asks:","DIXON: Anything for your friend?","SYDNEY: No thanks. Dixon melts back into the background and resumes his watchpost.","MODELL: Now can I see my money?","SYDNEY: As soon as you show me the weapon.","MODELL: Umm. Yeah. Funny thing about that. The weapon might take a little while. Only way I could smuggle it out. (Leaning forward and half-whispering) I swallowed it.","Cut to Vaughn at his post in the downstairs part of the marketplace. As he eyes the crowd, he notices a slight blonde woman browsing at a stall across the way. Her back is to him and he continues to stare until she finally turns and we see she is an innocent stranger. She moves along and Vaughn lets out a tortured sigh. Just then a man walks out from behind another stall, and he doesn't look like he's shopping.","Cut to Sydney as she listens.","VAUGHN (comm): We have company. Single white male downstairs in the back. MODELL (reacting to the look on Sydney's face): What's wrong?","SYDNEY: You didn't follow our safety protocols, did you? MODELL (as if shocked she could think such a thing): What? Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?","SYDNEY: You were followed. Modell whips his head around, looking for the potential threat. Sydney turns her head and spots another man casing the market.","SYDNEY (comm) : I've got a second white male.","Cut to Dixon's view of the market.","DIXON (comm): I see another two. Strike that, three more.","SYDNEY (comm): Going to plan B.","MODELL: What's plan B?","SYDNEY: Come on. Sydney gets up and grabs Modell by the hand, pulling him along and back toward the staircase. Instantly, the men that Dixon had seen start running after them. Cut to Sydney and Modell running down the staircase. Cut to Weiss, starting up the escape van and pulling it into position. Cut to Dixon tripping and taking out the men he'd seen as they run by him. Cut to Sydney and Modell as the exit the bottom of the staircase.","SYDNEY: Come on, come on The target that Vaughn had seen raises a pistol to shoot Modell, but Vaughn clocks him in the face with a metal urn. Cut to Syd and Modell, weaving through the crowd, heading toward the main exit. The man that Sydney had spied comes running from the side, tackling Modell into one of the stalls. Sydney whacks him in the face with a metal pot. She reaches down and helps Modell back to his feet. He groans and says:","MODELL: I can't make it.","SYDNEY: You don't have a choice.","Cut to the van pulling into position at the exit. Cut to Dixon searching the crowd.","DIXON (comm): Anybody have a 20 on the last guy?","Cut to Sydney and Modell as they walk quickly toward the exit. Suddenly and inexplicably, Modell's left leg breaks off at mid calf as if it were a piece of china. There's no blood, just this leg piece. A glance of Modell shows his leg where it broke of is also not bleeding. Modell starts to gasp and reaches down toward his broken off leg in horror. Sydney stares at him in horrified shock. As Modell gasps, Vaughn rushes up and they each take Modell under and arm and drag him backward toward the van, abandoning Modell's leg. Weiss throws open the back of the van, waiting for them. As they drag Modell, it appears as if his he's no longer moving. We see the final mark taking aim with a pistol at Modell as Dixon comes up behind him. Dixon hits the man's arm, but the shot is already away. We follow the camera is if we are the bullet as it targets Modell's head and His entire body shatters into tiny frozen pieces that shower over Vaughn, Weiss and Sydney. As they exchange horrified looks, we:","CUT TO BLACK","Alias Theme (Or, now is the time in Alias when we dance!)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Guest Starring: Kelly MacDonald Mark Aiken Richard Speight, Jr. ed by Hughes Winborne music by Michael Giacchino production designer Scott Chambliss dir of photography Donald Thorin, Jr. Producers Monica Breen & Alison Schapker supervising producer Lawrence Trilling supervising producers Josh Appelbaum & Andre Nemec co-exec producer Jeffrey Bell co-exec producer Jesse Alexander co-exec producer Jeff Pinkner exec producer Jeff Melvoin exec producer Ken Olin exec producer J.J. Abrams produced by Sarah Caplan written and directed by Jeffrey Bell","[SCENE_BREAK]","Open to daytime establishing shot of LA via helicopter. Cut to Vaughn in an elevator as the doors open. He's got stubble on his face, his hair is more bedheaded than usual and he looks very tired. He lets out a sigh as he steps out of the elevator (which opens up into the main hallway of APO) and starts walking down the hallway. Sydney walks into the hallway via the subway entrance and calls out to him.","SYDNEY: Hey. Vaughn turns back to face Sydney.","VAUGHN: Hey. Vaughn gives her a strained smile. Instantly, she notices something is wrong with Vaughn.","SYDNEY: God, you look awful.","VAUGHN (with amused sarcasm): Thank you. Good morning. Sydney assesses him and asks seriously,","SYDNEY: You all right? He purses his lips but nods, shrugging off whatever is bothering him.","VAUGHN: Yeah, yeah. It's not every day you see a guy shatter into a million pieces.","SYDNEY: Yeah. They walk together down the hallway.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cut to Sloane's office, where he is giving a post-mission briefing.","SLOANE: Two weeks ago, the CIA was contacted by an American ex-patriot named Derek Modell. Mr. Modell, for reasons more pecuniary than patriotic, stole a sample of a new biological agent from an arms dealer in Montenegro. He called it \"Ice 5\", and offered it to the Agency for ten thousand dollars.","[Note: \"Ice nine\" was an imaginary weapon created by Kurt Vonnegut for his book, Cat's Cradle. It does pretty much the same thing as Ice 5, instantly crystallizing (freezing) water. Ice nine is also an imaginary computer virus from the movie \"The Recruit\". I don't remember what it did, but it was something absurdly unrealistic.]","JACK: As you know, Mr. Modell failed to comply with any number of safety protocols we'd outlined and he was followed and killed before the exchange could be completed.","WEISS: Killed? He exploded like a frozen pinata.","SLOANE: We believe his death was caused by this biological agent he was","transporting.","SYDNEY: You're saying this stuff turned Modell into a human popsicle. Marshall raises his hand as if he wished to be called on in class as he stutters,","MARSHALL: If I may, I might be able to.. if you're all curious... elucidate. Marshall stands up and begins to explain.","MARSHALL: Well we know this guy, Modell, he swallowed the sample to smuggle it out, kind of like a drug mule. (He stands up, holding a small canister inside a plastic bag up for all to see.) Based on some tests, we found the sample in this medical container. It was found in the van mixed with the...","WEISS: Chunks.","MARSHALL: Yeah. Chunks.","MARSHALL: This was not meant to be swallowed. It probably started leaking as soon as it got into his stomach. And then, when he was tackled, bam, complete rupture, instant OD.","NADIA: When you say instant OD, you mean it instantly froze him?","MARSHALL: Well, not exactly. It didn't really freeze him as much as freeze-dry him. It crystallized him in seconds.","VAUGHN: So the mission was a bust.","WEISS: So to speak.","SLOANE: Now this man, Derek Modell, spent the last nine months as a relief worker at the hospital Sava in Montenegro. He believed that Ice 5 was being covertly developed there by a man named Fenton Keene. Sloane puts a photo of Keene up on the screen.","DIXON: Haven't heard that name in a while.","SLOANE: That's because Mr. Keene claims to have gone legitimate.","SYDNEY(dripping sarcasm): Seems to be all the rage among evil geniuses.","SLOANE: Fenton Keene is wanted by just about everybody, but he's protected. He runs his arms and drug op out of Montenegro, taking advantage of its political instability.","DIXON: You want us to take down Keene?","JACK: The director simply wants us to obtain a viable sample of Ice 5.","SLOANE: So, Sydney, we're sending you into Montenegro as a relief worker from the UK branch of Omnifam. I want you to understand this is not a tactical mission. We go in, obtain the Ice 5, and come out. I don't want anyone else getting this before we do. That's all. Good luck.","Cut to Vaughn in the break room, pouring himself a large cup of coffee. Jack walks in under the guise of getting himself coffee. As he pours, he asks,","JACK: Is there something on your mind, agent Vaughn? Vaughn shakes his head slightly.","VAUGHN: No, not really. Jack takes a sip of his coffee, his eyes never leaving Vaughn's face from over the rim of the cup. Clearly, Jack doesn't believe him. Finally, Vaughn admits,","VAUGHN: I'm not sleeping very well. Instantly, Jack knows what's wrong.","JACK: It's Lauren, isn't it?","VAUGHN: I think I see her sometimes or I thought I saw her in the market in Algeria. That ever happen with you?","JACK: (sarcastic) Do I have visions of Lauren?","VAUGHN (also sarcastic): I don't know many people who killed the woman they were married to. I was just wondering if that's what happens.","JACK(seriously): It did. Now it doesn't. Cut back to Vaughn through the windows of the room as Jack walks away, leaving him alone with his thoughts.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cut to Sydney and Nadia in Sydney's house as Sydney packs for the op.","SYDNEY: I'm taking the last of the toothpaste.","NADIA: It's okay. I'm going to the store later.","SYDNEY: Do you know how excited I am that I'm not the only one going to the store?","NADIA: You need anything?","SYDNEY: No, I'm good. Thanks.","Nadia looks onto a side table and notices a small pile of old pictures there. Hesitantly, she picks them up and motions toward Sydney with them.","NADIA: You mind if I...?","SYDNEY: No, go ahead. Nadia flips through the pictures.","NADIA: Are these our mother? Nodding, Sydney says,","SYDNEY: There was a fire. I lost all the pictures I had of her, so I asked my dad if he had any, and he found those... the only ones he hadn't thrown out. Nadia holds one out for Sydney to see. It is of a very young Irina holding a baby.","NADIA: Is this you?","SYDNEY: I don't know who the baby is.","NADIA: I've never seen pictures of her like this. Just the official stuff. I haven't seen much There is a pause, and then the doorbell rings.","SYDNEY: It's Vaughn. Nadia hugs Sydney and they exchange kisses on the cheek.","NADIA: Be safe.","SYDNEY: You too. Cut back to Nadia studying the picture of Irina holding the baby. Hold on the picture then,","CUT TO BLACK","[SCENE_BREAK]","M[O]NTENEGRO","Daytime establishing shot of Sava hospital in Montenegro. Cut to Sydney dressed in prim turtleneck, blazer and pants, hair up in a bun and granny-type glasses. She is walking down a crowded hospital hallway next to a pretty woman in her 30's dressed in a lab coat.","KIERA: I hope you're not squeamish. From time to time they send me a squeamish one. It never ends well.","SYDNEY (with slight English accent): I'm not squeamish, though most of my work with Omnifam has been administrative.","KIERA: We'll fix that, have you patching folks up in no time.","SYDNEY: You're a doctor?","KIERA: Nurse by training. Doctor, janitor, and babysitter by default.","SYDNEY: Sounds overwhelming.","KIERA: Nothing a bit of Bushmills and a few Hail Mary's can't cure. Sydney and Kiera walk by a nurses station where a plain-clothes Dixon in workman's disguise stands filling out paperwork. Surreptitiously watching them walk by, he murmurs into his comm,","DIXON (comm): Phoenix is in play.","Cut to Vaughn at the safehouse, monitoring via a computer with a satellite link.","VAUGHN (comm): Copy that. Cut back to Dixon.","DIXON (comm): I know it's too risky, but I wish she was wearing a transmitter. Cut back to Vaughn.","VAUGHN (comm): She will once they trust her. (teasing) Besides, it'll give you a chance to brush up on some of your old-school tricks. Back to Dixon, smiling.","DIXON (comm): Hey. A little respect for your elders.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cut to Sydney in Kiera's office as she speaks to someone on a cell phone. She hands Sydney a lab coat and Sydney puts it on.","KIERA (into cell): No, I'm not happy. You promised we'd have the test tube kits two days ago and we're still waiting.","Kiera hands Sydney a pair of latex gloves. Sydney goes to pocket them, but Kiera shakes her head no and motions for Sydney to put them on her hands. She does.","KIERA (into cell): Tell you what. Our cafeteria locked into about twenty crates of fresh strawberries. You have my kits here by dawn tomorrow and I'll cut you in for half the fruit. Nay, fresh as in not old or frozen. You're amazing. Thank you. Kiera looks at Sydney, satisfied that she's now ready for her first day. Nodding, she says to Sydney,","KIERA: Okay then.","Cut to Kiera and Sydney walking down another hallway.","KIERA: There's more work than we can do, so you'll need to pace yourself. Be quick, but don't hurry. I've gone through nine relief workers in the past six weeks. I'd hate to lose another.","SYDNEY: Don't worry, I'll be fine.","KIERA: That, madame, is what they all say. Let's find out. Kiera opens the door to a patient's room and they both stand in the doorway. An elderly gentleman who's suffering from some type of skin condition is sleeping in the bed. Motioning toward him, Kiera says,","KIERA: Poor old guy suffers from cirrhotic arthropathy. Needs to be greased from head to toe. She grabs a tub of grease, plopping it uncerimoniously into Sydney's hands.","KIERA: Welcome aboard. Off Sydney's reaction, we,","CUT TO BLACK.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cut to Marshall's techie office at APO. Holding up the Ice-5 container with a gloved hand, he's speaking to Nadia and Weiss.","MARSHALL: There's no way I'd eat this. No way at all. My kid would. (Motions to his computer monitor, where Marshall has several pictures of Mitchell taped up) Mitchell. He will eat anything. He's already been to the emergency room twice. He swallowed a quarter, and a car. Not a real car... it's huge.","NADIA (smiling): He's beautiful.","MARSHALL: Thanks. I've got a million of these pictures. I probably should update","them. Nadia studies the pictures and smiles at one in particular.","MARSHALL: Oh, you like that one? There's a cute story behind that one. Weiss, starting to feel jealous, cuts in jokingly,","WEISS: I'll warn you right now. Nadia's immune to your cute baby story charm. Nadia smiles, amused at Weiss' antics.","NADIA: Oh, I'm not so sure.","WEISS: Uh, do you have any weaponizing scenarios for ice 5?","MARSHALL: Three obvious forms are liquid, powder, and gas, but really depends on a few things.","NADIA: Difficulty of manufacturing, stability, intended use.","MARSHALL: Right! I mean, is it designed for an evil empire that wants to dump it in the water supply and freeze-dry an entire city, or maybe for just one crazy assassin guy... put a couple drops on a hollow-tipped bullet...","WEISS: Either way, it's a high ticket. We should target major players: governments, large terrorist cells.","NADIA: Then offer it for sale ourselves, see who might be shopping for designer bioweapons.","WEISS: Right. I'll put a list together. Weiss mouths \"You're married\" to Marshall.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cut to Sydney, still dressed in character, hurriedly searching a storeroom. She finds a locked door in the back and she pulls out lockpicks and starts to unlock the door. She hears someone coming in and drops the picks into a nearby trashcan and picks up a box of syringes. Kiera walks in and gives Sydney a suspicious look.","KIERA: What are you doing in here?","Sydney shows Kiera the box she's holding.","SYDNEY: We're almost out of syringes. I was searching for a purchase order. Kiera continues to give Sydney a semi-doubtful look. Suddenly, a strange sound and commotion erupts in the hallway and Kiera and Sydney rush out. They find a large, burly soldier on a rolling stretcher. Part of his face has been frozen and upon inspection, they find that part of an arm is missing and the remainder is frozen, much like Modell's leg before he shattered.","KIERA: I'm trying to help you.","KIERA: I need you to breathe. Breathe.","SYDNEY: What can I do?","KIERA: Put your ears near his heart. After an initial welfare check, Kiera and the accompanying soldiers start to quickly roll the stretcher down the hallway, Sydney closely following.","SYDNEY: What happened to him?","KIERA: I don't know.","SOLDIER (in Russian): It was an accident, Miss. Our jeep was hit. Yegor was carrying the container --","KIERA (in Russian): Quiet. I can see what happened.","SYDNEY (pretending she didn't understand): What's he saying?","KIERA: Car accident. They stop at a closed door secured by a swipe card entry system. Kiera pulls a swipe card out of her labcoat pocket, swipes it and types in her password. Sydney watches her closely, obviously memorizing the code for later. As the door opens, Sydney grabs the head of the stretcher, preparing to push it in so that she can gain access to the restricted area. As they start to roll forward, Kiera blocks her entry, taking Sydney's place at the head of the stretcher. Sydney has no choice but to step back.","KIERA: We can handle it from here.","SYDNEY (protesting): I don't mind helping.","KIERA (a little annoyed): If you want to last here, you'll do as I say. Get back to that supply room and finish what you were doing. This area's off-limits.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jack approaches Nadia, who is at work on a computer at her desk. He hands her a piece of paper and she stands to receive it as he speaks.","JACK: You can eliminate both the KCL and the African Global Party from your list of potential ice 5 buyers. It's out of their league. Everyone else seems good.","NADIA: Thanks. (pauses, and then) Jack?...I was wondering if you knew who this baby is. Nadia holds out the picture of Irina holding a baby for him to see.","JACK (slightly defensive): Where did you get this?","NADIA (nervous): Oh... It's Sydney's.","JACK: She gave this to you?","NADIA: I...found it. I was hoping you might be able to tell me who...","JACK (very abrupt): There's nothing to tell. Jack turns on his heel to stalk out, leaving Nadia confused and disheartened, but Weiss interrupts them.","WEISS: Sorry to interrupt. We got the uplink from Montenegro.","Cut to Vaughn at Montenegro safehouse.","VAUGHN: A soldier came in with the same frozen symptoms we saw in Algeria. He was taken to a secure wing of the hospital by a nurse named Kiera Maclaine. That M-A-C, capital L-A-I-N-E. She said she was from Glasgow.","Cut to APO briefing room.","JACK: Is MacLaine embedded with Keene? Cut back to Vaughn.","VAUGHN: We don't know yet, but Sydney said MacLaine definitely recognized the effects of Ice 5. She's still at the hospital trying to learn more.","Cut to Dixon.","DIXON: There's a strong military presence at the hospital, but it seems to be in support of the staff, nothing we can't handle. Cut back to APO briefing room.","WEISS: Okay. MacLaine seems to be clean. Registered nurse, no criminal record. For the last nine years, she's worked for relief agencies around the world.","NADIA: We know Keene gives cash to the hospital. Maybe she takes care of his men in exchange.","SLOANE: What do you know about the secure wing?","Cut to Dixon.","DIXON: We think it's the research lab. Blueprints indicate several interconnected rooms and a large ward.","VAUGHN: The entrance is protected by a swipe card and a keypad. We already have the access code, but we need that card, which we'll get off MacLaine. Marshall checks Kiera's name in database. Computer display in APO briefing room shows:","name: Kiera MacLaine","criminal rec: none","passport: United Kingdom","occupation: Registered Nurse","occup loc: Relief Agencies","[SCENE_BREAK]","Montenegro","Cut to Dixon as he punches Vaughn in the head. Vaughn grimaces slightly then stands back up with a mocking smile.","VAUGHN: Come on, man. It's got to look real. Do it again.","DIXON (protesting): Vaughn, I hit you.","VAUGHN (goading): Yeah, like a girl. Just hit me again. Come on. Dixon hits Vaughn again...harder. This time, Vaughn sports a cut over his right eye and it takes him a little longer to push up from the table behind him. However, he pushes Dixon to hit him again...almost as if he wants to be punished for something.","VAUGHN: One more time. You can do better than that. Come on. Off of Dixon's third swing, we cut to:","[SCENE_BREAK]","Vaughn sitting on a stretcher as Sydney dabs at the cut as Kiera approaches.","VAUGHN (flinching): Ow, damnit! Watch it! Kiera walks up and demands imperiously,","KIERA: What are you doing?","KIERA (to Vaughn): Sorry, Father. The scene cuts back and we can now see that Vaughn is dressed like a priest.","SYDNEY: I'm just trying to help. Sydney backs away as Kiera steps in.","KIERA: Let me take a look at that. Kiera starts checking Vaughn's wound. Sydney leans back in to watch what she's doing.","SYDNEY: Maybe I should watch, see how you do it. (leaning forward and poking her gloved finger at the open wound) I was going to sew it shut right there. Vaughn reaches into Kiera's pocket and pulls out her keycard, slipping it into Sydney's other hand. VAUGHN (flinching and glowering at Sydney): Ow! Stop that!","SYDNEY: Sorry.","KIERA: Go! I'll look after him. Sydney meekly turns and walks away.","KIERA: Sorry. She's new. A bit eager.","KIERA: I can't help noticing the fine cologne you're wearing, father. Glenlivet, if I'm not mistaken.","[Note: That's a well-known scotch whiskey, for those pure Alias fans who are underage or otherwise non-drinkers]","VAUGHN: Is is that bad?","KIERA: Not at all.","KIERA: Come on. I'll finish up in the office.","[SCENE_BREAK]","KIERA: That's a pretty nasty cut. You mind telling me how you got it?","VAUGHN: Somebody didn't like my last sermon.","KIERA: Well, I've known a priest or two.","VAUGHN: That sounds rather ominous.","KIERA: But none that get into bar fights.","VAUGHN: I see my reputation preceeds me. I'm Father Michael ?. I'm new here at","Saint Cyrus.","KIERA: Kiera MacLaine. Good to know thee. I think.","VAUGHN: I should also mention I hear confession every weekday from four to six at tavern Nikolai.","KIERA: Why does that not surprise me?","VAUGHN: Whe's the last time you went to confession, Kiera MacLaine?","KIERA: I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel.","VAUGHN: About what?","KIERA: A flirty priest.","VAUGHN: I assure you my intentions are honorable. Mostly.","[SCENE_BREAK]","VAUGHN: You're not what I expected.","KIERA: Is that your way of saying, \"What's a nice catholic girl doing in a hell-hole","like this?\" Same as you. I was sent here for my sins.","FENTON: It's not that bad.","KIERA: Fenton. What are you doing here?","FENTON: Well, it's nice to see you too.","FENTON: She's not real happy with me of late, Father.","VAUGHN: I see. You two are married?","FENTON: No. Your good book would frown upon that, wouldn't it?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Code to the lab is something like 6398841","KIERA: We had an agreement.","FENTON: We do. But one of my men had a wee accident. I thought I'd spin by, pay my respects. You treated him right. So, how's your day?","KIERA: I think you know.","FENTON: You should be nicer to your big brother. Isn't that what the Bible says?","VAUGHN: What, I look like some kind of an expert?","FENTON: Don't worry, Kiera. I'll be out of your way soon enough.","VAUGHN: Your brother seems like a nice enough guy. What's he do?","KIERA: You must be new here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SOLDIER: I made sure Yegor gets special treatment. A separate room. Away from the","guinea pigs.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(There's a teleconference going on, and Syd\/Vaughn\/Dixon can quickly send images and stuff to APO headquarters.)","SYDNEY (cell): Not only has Keene developed ice 5, he's testing it on humans. I saw a room full of test subjects.","SLOANE (phone): I'm more concerned by the pressurized canisters. It means Keene's found a way to make it airborne.","DIXON (phone): Here are the photos Sydney took.","SYDNEY (cell): I thought the tanks were full of propane or liquid nitrogen. Then I saw the cyrillic stencil.","JACK: Ice 5 released into a city... the damage could be in the tens of thousands.","SLOANE: How many tanks in the lab?","WEISS: I'd say 14. We found a buyer in Damascus. That's what they're expecting.","NADIA: They want it fast. Less than 48 hours.","SYDNEY: We have to shut Keene down.","JACK: I don't disagree, but you lack the manpower. You aren't a tactical squad.","VAUGHN: We can do it without a fight. We can use Kiera MacLaine.","DIXON: After we learned she was Keene's sister, we re-ran her info. Her real name is Meghan Keene. She's former IRA as is her brother. They were involved in several bombings in the early 90's, including one that killed a father and two boys. New displayed dossier: Meghan Keene","Affiliation: Former IRA","PRIORS: Several bombings","[SCENE_BREAK]","Victims include a father and two boys","Wanted: Wanted for murder in the United Kingdom by SAS [The dossier is very poorly done. The SAS does not deal with criminal issues, and apostrophes go before two-digit years, not after.]","SYDNEY: But MacLaine's conflicted, has issues with her brother. We think we can turn her.","DIXON: She's the one person that could get Keene alone, away from his men. It might give us a chance to grab him without a fight, shut down the lab.","SLOANE: Have you determined how to approach MacLaine?","VAUGHN: Yeah. In confession.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Tavern Nikolai","[the song in the background is Fade Into You, by Mazzy Star (1993)]","VAUGHN: Thank you.","VAUGHN: I'll have another one of these for my parishoner.","KIERA: I don't know what I'm doing here.","VAUGHN: I'm glad you came.","KIERA: Cheers.","VAUGHN: Cheers.","VAUGHN: Is it that bad?","KIERA: Is what that bad?","VAUGHN: You tell me.","KIERA: I suppose I'm feeling a bit trapped.","VAUGHN: At the hospital?","KIERA: Trapped by your brother?","KIERA: I do this for a living. Not the drinking. And it doesn't take a priest to","notice how angry you were when you saw him yesterday.","KIERA: It's complicated. Love the sinner, hate the sin. Isn't that what they say?","VAUGHN: Something like that.","KIERA: A long time ago, he saved me. I owe him.","VAUGHN: But he scares you?","KIERA: You don't know Fenton. He's done some awful things. We both have, I suppose.","VAUGHN: You could always leave.","KIERA: Like I said, you don't know my brother.","SYDNEY: He can do it. He can turn her.","VAUGHN: I know what it's like to feel trapped, to have a past you despise, that you can't escape. I know we all have secrets, Kiera. I was married, for a short time.","KIERA: That being your secret?","VAUGHN: That being part of it. That obviously was before I had the collar. The woman I was married to betrayed me. She betrayed a lot of people. And when I found out what she had done, I let my hate for her consume me. And I began to wish the woman I loved was dead. I woke up every day, imagining how I'd do it, what was the best way, what was the most efficient way. I mean, that's all I wanted. That woman was evil, and deserved to be punished, so I killed her. And althought that woman was the worst kind of evil, I also know that killing her was wrong. I don't sleep much. I can't close my eyes without that scene, that moment, the look on her face. She won't leave me. She won't.","KIERA: Forgiveness is a tricky thing, isn't it? Even God can't do it if you won't let him. I've never been able to say no to... to my brother. I'm not alone in that, but it's my shame. It's the one thing I can't forgive myself for. I understand what it feels like to wish someone was... I just wish there was a way out.","VAUGHN: There are other ways to keep him from having power over you, to make him go away.","KIERA: You underestimate my brother.","VAUGHN: Or maybe you underestimate me. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you can leave.","KIERA: What are you?","VAUGHN: You deserve another chance.","KIERA: I can't even think about doing something like that.","VAUGHN: Why not?","KIERA: When?","VAUGHN: Tonight.","[SCENE_BREAK]","APO","SLOANE: just... [a minute] (he's writing)","NADIA: Freight manifest from our contact in Damascus.","SLOANE: Thank you. And that?","NADIA: I thought you might know something about the picture. Who the baby was.","SLOANE: Yeah. Your mother was a very private person, Nadia, and as you know my","relationship with her was... brief.","NADIA: That's okay. I just thought maybe you'd seen it before.","NADIA: Thanks.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Clinic - Restricted area","KIERA: What are you? SAS? MI5?","[Note: This is a mistake. MI5 tends to operate within Britain; it's a domestic spying and investigative agency. MI6 is the organization that operates abroad.]","VAUGHN: I meant what I said. I can make your brother go away.","KIERA: Well whatever you are, you're sweet.","VAUGHN: Kiera, I need you to listen. Whatever your brother's done in the past pales compared to what he's doing now.","KIERA: I wouldn't know.","VAUGHN: Yes you do. You've seen it. You know he's been testing it on your own patients.","KIERA: I have nothing to do with that.","VAUGHN: You're a party to it. That's enough.","KIERA: There's nothing I can do about it.","VAUGHN: Thousands of people will die if you don't say no to him now. Do you want that on your conscience? Could you ever forgive yourself?","KIERA: Who do you work for?","VAUGHN: You've been afraid of your brother for too long. Help me, and I swear I will protect you.","FENTON: I can't wait to hear the details.","[SCENE_BREAK]","FENTON: Did you really think my sister would betray me for you, after everything she","and I have been through?","VAUGHN: Nothing really surprises me anymore.","FENTON: You'll discover that isn't true.","FENTON: You know, the trouble with ice 5 in its liquid form is it's too unstable, too hard to mass-produce. I've made people drink it, breathe it, applied it topically, laced it into food. One thing I've never tried, though, is to inject it directly into the brain. Maybe because it's not cost effective.","FENTON: I think you should do it. It's your fault he's here.","VAUGHN: You hate him. You hate what he does.","KIERA: Shut up.","VAUGHN: I could have helped you. I would have.","FENTON: My sister may look like an angel, but her heart is as black as yours, and mine.","VAUGHN: I don't believe that. I know you want out. Everything I told you was true. I can still help you. You know it.","FENTON: Show this fool he's wrong. Inject it into his eye. I want you to be the last thing he sees.","FENTON: I don't know how you got in here, little girl, but it was a big mistake.","[SCENE_BREAK]","KIERA: Forgive.","VAUGHN: Kiera, you know I'm not really a priest. I can't do that.","KIERA: No. I forgive... I forgive you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","APO","JACK: Fenton Keene's in custody, and the Ice 5 has been acquired. Sydney's safe,","and the whole team made it.","NADIA: Good. Thank you.","JACK(softly, kindly): May I see that photograph? After a moment of studying the photo,","JACK: Irina told me years ago that this is a picture of her holding her niece. She told me that holding this baby filled her with a longing and hope to have children of her own. The next day, I asked Irina to marry me. I wanted my child to be loved like the baby in this photograph.","JACK: Of course, the story could have been a total fabrication. Another one of the countless lies designed to draw me in. Well, I choose to believe it was the truth. When we had Sydney, Irina held her in this exact same way, and I can only imagine she did the same with you. So, for me, I choose to believe. But then I suppose each of us needs to find our own sense of closure. Nadia cries.","[SCENE_BREAK]","On the CIA plane travelling back to LA:","SYDNEY: Listening to you talk to that woman...","VAUGHN: I know.","SYDNEY: I just wanted you to know you can talk to me whenever you want. Vaughn smiles sleepily and replies quietly,","VAUGHN: Thanks.","SYDNEY: When we get back...maybe you should spend the night. Vaughn doesn't answer.","SYDNEY: Vaughn? She looks over and realizes that Vaughn is asleep. After touching his face softly and tucking him in under his blanket, she slowly removes her hand from his with a sigh.","CUT TO BLACK"],"Show Title":"Alias","Episode Number":"04x04","Episode Title":"Ice","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Alias_05x02.json","Recap":["Ivan Curtis, the man who assisted in killing Vaughn is tracked and captured by Sydney, Dixon, and Weiss in Amsterdam. Curtis has stolen a tube of nuridium, which Marshall believes will be used to create a bomb that could have an effect like \"Hiroshima times 50.\" It is apparent that to locate the bomb, they would have to release Curtis and track him to it so that they can capture the bomb for APO. This is accomplished by lacing a bottle of water with a liquid tracker that Curtis drinks just prior to antagonizing Sydney to the point of kicking Curtis out of the window into a body of a water; Curtis survives, and is later tracked to a large passenger plane, where Sydney, Dixon, and Weiss intercept and secretly board. On board, Sydney finds the \"bomb\", but is surprised to find out that it isn't a bomb at all, and is actually a case holding a person inside of it. Later, during a confrontation between Curtis and Sydney, Curtis opens a hatch in the plane and gets sucked out to avoid being taken in and in fear of what his employers may do. Back at APO headquarters, Marshall reveals that the nuridium was being used to freeze a human cryogenically. Before identifying the person, the test site is hit and the cryogenic freezer stolen. During the mission, Weiss informs Sydney that he was offered a promotion in Washington, D.C. working for the DSR (Department of Special Research), but is unsure if he wants to leave given the timing. Concurrently, Jack searches for a replacement for Vaughn and finds a man by the name of Thomas Grace."],"Transcript":["(A bar)","REN\u00c9E: It's no accident you found me here. The people who killed Vaughn - they own this place. There's an operation center in the back. I haven't gotten in yet, but judging the way that man over there is looking at us, you just blew my cover. You should go. Walk out, slowly.","SYDNEY: What about you?","REN\u00c9E: I didn't spend three months getting in the place to just walk away. We can access their servers. That might give me a window into their operation. I'm going there.","SYDNEY: I'm coming with you.","Ren\u00e9e pulls out a gun and covers it with a dish towel. The two walk into another room in the club and run into a man guarding a door.","MAN: You know the rules. You're not supposed to be back here.","REN\u00c9E: You're gonna want to step aside now.","MAN: Sexy. So I'm bein' threatened by a waif and a pregnant chick.","REN\u00c9E: (punches him, twisting his arm around his back and pinning him against the wall) Feeling sexy now? Sydney takes the man's hand and places it on the biometric scanner to open the door.","REN\u00c9E: Get up. Ren\u00e9e positions the man in front of the door as the door is opening, shooting through him to kill a man inside the room. One person pushes an alarm button. Ren\u00e9e shoots the other people in the room and accesses a computer. The screens read DATA DESTRUCTION IN PROGRESS and DELETING FILES.","SYDNEY: The data's being destroyed. (types into the keyboard) I can't stop it.","REN\u00c9E: Me, neither. (shoots a man who enters the room) It's no use. We better go. They start to leave the room when Sydney spots a surveillance camera.","SYDNEY: Wait.","REN\u00c9E: What is it? Sydney follows the wires to a computer hidden inside a cabinet. She yanks out the hard drive.","SYDNEY: We got it. They exit the bar.","SYDNEY: Doesn't look like it's been fried. The data should still be intact.","REN\u00c9E: Probably encrypted. (pulls off wig)","SYDNEY: It won't be a problem. I don't know if Vaughn ever mentioned, but I work with a genius. He'll be able to crack the encryption. I'll upload it for you. Here, take this. It's a secure line. Dial 9. Wait for the tone, dial 8-1-6...","REN\u00c9E: You're not bringing this back to the CIA...","SYDNEY: No, we're an off-the-books division. It's different.","REN\u00c9E: Not to me. I don't know them.","SYDNEY: I do. You can trust them.","REN\u00c9E: Who says I trust you?","SYDNEY: (sighs) Good point.","REN\u00c9E: What did Michael tell you about me?","SYDNEY: Not that much. Just that... you've been working with him for years and you were the one who told him about Prophet Five. I understand why you're reluctant. I mean, you're Number 8 on the CIA's Most Wanted List. I get it. But you have to understand, these people killed my fianc\u00e9, the father of my child. I'm gonna enlist every resource available to immobilize them. And if that means that this is the last time you and I see each other, that is fine by me. Just tell me how you wanna do it.","REN\u00c9E: Number 8...","SYDNEY: Yes.","REN\u00c9E: I'm slipping. I used to be Number 6. (pauses) You're exactly like Michael said you were. Fine. Do it your way. Give me the phone.","SYDNEY: You called him 'Michael.'","REN\u00c9E: Yeah. (turns and leaves) Don't worry. He was crazy about you.","(Doctor's Office)","DOCTOR: How've you been feeling?","SYDNEY: Oh. Good. The morning sickness is gone, and my energy's back, so...","DOCTOR: Right on schedule. That's normal for the second trimester. How was your trip? London, right? Do any shopping?","SYDNEY: It was more of a business trip, actually. I had to meet with one of my fianc\u00e9's old friends.","DOCTOR: What about exercise. Are you keeping active?","SYDNEY: My job is still... pretty demanding.","DOCTOR: That's great. Doctors used to tell women to stay off their feet. You're pregnant, you're not sick. As long as you feel comfortable, you just keep doing what you're doing. Let's take a look, shall we? Should I ask the nurse to bring in anyone from the waiting room?","SYDNEY: No. I - I came alone.","DOCTOR: You know, Sydney, I see a lot of new moms, and one thing I can tell you from experience, it's really important to be able to reach out, ask for help.","SYDNEY: I've never really been good at that.","DOCTOR: You should try. Okay, let's see how we're doing. And there we go. That's your baby. That's the head, the spine, and that pulse...","SYDNEY: Look at its little heart.","DOCTOR: Mm-hmm. You've got an active one there. Just like Mommy. Everything looks great. (takes printout of ultrasound and hands it to Sydney) And I'll see you in a few weeks.","Sydney gets into the car and puts the key in the ignition. She sits back and picks up the ultrasound and looks at it again. She sighs.","ALIAS INTRO: ADHD Edition","(APO)","JACK: This is the man that killed Vaughn. His name is Ivan Curtis. He ran operations for a corporate security firm out of Dublin, until three years ago -- when European aviation records say he died in a private plane crash.","DIXON: Well, it's starting to fit a pattern - Gordon Dean was presumed dead two years ago, both of the men who we know were involved...","JACK: From what we've learned, their operation has been in place thirty years without being detected. Whoever these people are, they must have access to high-level resources. I'm leaving tonight for Washington. Ahern has some names for me to consider.","DIXON: Do you still think that's a good idea - bringing in a new agent now, someone we don't know?","JACK: We're down a man, and I trust Ahern's recommendation without reservation. In the meantime, Curtis has been in London. Have Marshall run a facial profile so we can run him against their surveillance networks.","WEISS: So Sydney said she got this footage from a contact. What do we know about this person?","JACK: She didn't say.","(Sydney's House)","Sydney is working on her computer and notices something. She calls someone on the phone.","(Cut to a cell phone ringing with rock music. Marshall is in bed and answers the phone.)","MARSHALL: Yeah. Hello?","SYDNEY: It's me. I've been going over the footage from London. I think I found something.","MARSHALL: Mmm. I'd love to, baby, but I'm married.","SYDNEY: Oh - Marshall. Wake up. Marshall.","MARSHALL: I'm up, I'm up. Sorry. Uh... Syd?","SYDNEY: I need you to pull up the surveillance footage from London.","Marshall. Okay. Uh, gimme a sec. Marshall gets up, tripping over toys in the hallway on his way to his home office.","MARSHALL: You been at this all night?","SYDNEY: Are you looking at the footage?","MARSHALL: Hold on. Gimme just a sec. (pulls up the video on his screen)","MARSHALL: Okay. Now I'm in. What am I looking for?","SYDNEY: Time index 12-40. Curtis is dialing a number. Can you enhance it?","MARSHALL: See what I can do. (zooms in on the cell phone) That looks like a 4. (picks up a MagnaDoodle to take down the number) That looks like a 3... no, might be a 5. You know what? I'll run it against the Echelon call archive. I'll use the 5. (finds the number on his computer) Got the audio. Patching it through. Sydney and Marshall listen to a man and woman having a conversation in Dutch.","SYDNEY: They're ordering takeout, Marshall.","MARSHALL: Right. Sorry, must be the 3. Alright. Got audio. Patching it through.","Man: Hello?","Curtis: Any news on my package?","Man: Not yet. I am still working on it.","Curtis: I'm growing impatient. If this becoming a problem for you...","Man: I haven't disappointed you yet, have I? Twenty-five more kilos. I'll have it for you.","Curtis: Fine. I'll be there to pick it up. Don't let me down.","MARSHALL: Looks like we got our guy.","SYDNEY: Who was Curtis talking to? Can you run a trace?","MARSHALL: Yeah, um - (turns to see Carrie comes into the room) Uh, actually, it's not just the server, Bob. You have to run a diagnostic on your entire network.","SYDNEY: What?","MARSHALL: Can you hold on one sec? (turns to Carrie)","CARRIE: Who's Bob? I've never heard you mention Bob.","MARSHALL: Bob? But you know Bob. He works in the corner, uh, he brings in the dark roast... coffee. Carrie looks dubious.","MARSHALL: I'm not having an affair.","CARRIE: I know you're not having an affair. I just don't want you to wake Mitchell.","MARSHALL: Oh. Okay.","CARRIE: Okay. (leaves)","MARSHALL: You uh, you think she believed me, right?","SYDNEY: Yeah, Marshall, I think you're okay.","MARSHALL: I'll run a trace on that call.","SYDNEY: O-kay.","MARSHALL: (pulls up the number) It belongs to a Heinrich... Roemer. Where do I know that name from?","(Prison)","Sydney walks up to a cell. Sloane is working at a desk when he notices someone standing there. It's Sydney. He walks over to the bars and looks her over.","SLOANE: You're beautiful. Sydney doesn't respond.","SLOANE: Your father... he told me about Vaughn. You have my condolences. He was a good man. What you must be going through.","SYDNEY: (shakes head slightly) One of the men responsible, Ivan Curtis - he's been in contact with an arms dealer, Heinrich Roemer. According to SD-6 files, you worked with him.","SLOANE: Yes. He supplied arms to several SD cells.","SYDNEY: Curtis is planning a meet with Roemer. We don't know when. We need to locate Roemer's base of operations, get inside, wire it with cameras.","SLOANE: So you can monitor him and wait for Curtis to make contact. I understand. This is you first lead, isn't it, Sydney? Sydney doesn't admit it, but it is obvious.","SLOANE: Look. I know how important this is to you, but revenge is ultimately a hollow pursuit, Sydney.","SYDNEY: This isn't about revenge. They know who I am, they know where I work, and as long as they are out there, I am not safe.","SLOANE: Okay.","(Amsterdam)","SLOANE: (voiceover) Roemer operates out of Amsterdam. Tactical entry is out of the question. Roemer is paranoid about security. You'll have to go in posing as buyers. There's a vending machine on Ballister, near Amstel. Enter the sequence 5-1-0-9-4. Shortly thereafter, you will be contacted. Then all you need are the proper bona fides.","WEISS: (speaking Dutch into pay phone) 4-3-9 (?)","Weiss opens a car door for Dixon, who steps out. They have arrived at Roemer's base of operations.","SLOANE: (voiceover) Roemer's security system is capable of detecting bugs. Your best option is to piggy back off his closed-circuit feeds. Weiss and Dixon are patted down by a guard on their way in.","DIXON: (African accent) Right jacket pocket. (The guard finds a gun in the pocket) Keep it. Small gift.","GUARD: (takes gun) Follow me. Sydney monitors their entry.","SYDNEY: (comms) Okay. I'm ready to hack into their surveillance system. You'll just need to direct an RF pulse from your wristwatch for each interior camera. Weiss and Dixon arrive in Roemer's office.","ROEMER: Gentlemen. Welcome. Heinrich Roemer.","DIXON: Jalin Khamisi. It's my pleasure. (takes off sunglasses and holds them up)","WEISS: (pauses, then remembers his role) Oh. Sorry. (takes Dixon's gunglasses)","DIXON: My business manager Isaac Malcolm.","ROEMER: Have a seat. So. Who do I have to thank for your business?","DIXON: A mutual friend, Jean Briault. We worked together in Montreal. He spoke highly of you.","ROEMER: Jean Briault. I haven't heard that name in years. He was a good man. It is a pity what happened. Dixon is silent. Roemer shifts uncomfortably.","ROEMER: Well, what can I do for you? Weiss hands him the order.","ROEMER: \"3,000 Kalashnikov rifles, 75-man portable shoulder-fired stinger missiles, M77 anti-personnel mines.\" What exactly would you do with a purchase this large?","DIXON: I intend to secure some beachfront property. Roemer begins to laugh, but stops when met with stony silence from Dixon.","ROEMER: An order this size - it won't be easy. I couldn't do it for less than, say, 5 million dollars. Dixon nods to Weiss.","WEISS: Uh, Mr. Khamisi will forward an additional 20% if you can complete delivery by... Friday.","Dixon: Oh, God. Oh! Weiss has squirted his pen on the sleeve of Dixon's jacket.","WEISS: Ah. I'm so sorry, Mr. Khamisi. I'm sorry. (starts rubbing vigorously on Dixon's sleeve)","DIXON: It's no matter.","WEISS: No, it is, and it's my fault (continues rubbing) Dixon yanks his arm away from Weiss and turns to Roemer.","DIXON: Do you have some place I can clean up?","ROEMER: (speaks Dutch to guard, then to Dixon) He'll show you the way.","DIXON: Thank you. Dixon looks icily at Weiss and leaves, activating the RF pulse with his wristwatch on the camera on his way out. Sydney monitors the closed circuit feed.","SYD: (comms) Outrigger, Camera One is up. Connection is solid. Dixon pulses another camera in the hallway on the way to the bathroom.","SYDNEY: (comms) Camera Two is online. Dixon goes into a restroom.","DIXON: How are the video signals?","SYDNEY: Good. (monitoring video) Outrigger, we've got company. It's Curtis. He's here. You gotta move now. DIXON. No. I know what you're thinking. Hold your position. Curtis walks in with two of his men and one of Roemer's guards.","GUARD: Mr. Roemer wasn't expecting you until tonight.","CURTIS: Plans change. I took an earlier flight. I assume that won't be a problem.","GUARD: Of course not. I'll let him know you're here. (speaks Dutch to another of Roemer's men)","(Back in Roemer's office)","ROEMER: I take payment via wire. Currency is too easy to counterfeit.","WEISS: Of course.","One of Roemer's guards walks in.","GUARD: Curtis.","ROEMER: Yeah. (to Weiss) If you'll excuse me, just a small matter I need to attend to. Please make sure our guest is comfortable. Roemer leaves to meet with Curtis in a conference room.","ROEMER: Mr. Curtis, good to see you.","CURTIS: Where's my package?","ROEMER: Well, your item just arrived today. (shows case) Twenty-five kilos of nuridium, as promised. Which leaves us just a matter of the payment. (hands PDA to Curtis)","CURTIS: Sure thing. (enters information into PDA and hands it back to Roemer)","ROEMER: Thank you. Curtis picks up the case and his men fire on Roemer and his guard. Hearing gunshots, the guard with Weiss reaches for his gun. Weiss struggles with the guard.","SYDNEY: (comms) Weiss is in trouble.","DIXON: I'm on it. Weiss is about to get skewered when Dixon comes up behind the guard and knocks him out.","WEISS: (sighs) Thanks.","DIXON: Come on. We gotta go. Sydney sees Curtis leaving with the nuridium. She goes after him. Curtis and one of his men approach an SUV to make their getaway. Curtis gets into the back seat.","SYDNEY: (appears next to Curtis in the back seat and points a gun at him) Need a ride? Dixon twists the neck of Curtis' guard. Curtis considers the situation he is in.","(A warehouse)","Curtis is thrown down to the floor of a room. Dixon puts Curtis into a chair and straps his arms down.","CURTIS: Augh! Would you take it easy?","DIXON: Shut up. Sydney and Weiss walk into another room of the warehouse.","WEISS: Hey, listen, Syd - Dixon and I can handle this....","SYD: No. I'm gonna talk to him.","WEISS: (quietly) All right, fine. I'll be here if you need me. Sydney walks into the room where Roemer is being held.","SYDNEY: (to Dixon) Can we have a minute? Dixon steps out and closes the door.","SYDNEY: (stares at Curtis) Do you recognize me?","CURTIS: (smirking) No.","SYDNEY: Four months ago, you murdered a man - Michael Vaughn. Do you remember? I do. I was there. It'll be burned into memory for the rest of my life as the day my child lost its father -- so you can imagine what I'd like to do to you. Lucky for you, there's someone I want even more. Tell me where I can find Gordon Dean?","CURTIS: Is this whole routine supposed to scare me? I - I do this for a living.","SYDNEY: It's a funny thing about pregnancy - hormones. Whew. I woke up today... feeling pretty hormonal. I'm gonna give you another chance. Where's Gordon Dean? Curtis shakes his head and smirks. Sydney smacks him upside the head.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(APO)","MARSHALL: (on phone with Dixon) Nuridium? That's some pretty nasty stuff, that's for sure. Uh, all right. Go ahead. Give me the lot number.","DIXON: 6-6-4-R-T-4-5-6-9.","MARSHALL: Yeah, NASA's been experimenting with nuridium as a long-term power source for deep space probes. Problem is, it's inherently unstable. It's most easily suited as a high-yield explosive. You know, I'm talkin' Megaton here. Some big bang, kinda crazy, bad ass stuff. Heh. Wait a minute. RT4569?","DIXON: Yeah.","MARSHALL: Are you sure?","DIXON: Yes, Marshall.","MARSHALL: Uh-oh.","(Warehouse)","CURTIS: You have no idea what you're getting involved in.","SYDNEY: Why don't you enlighten me?","CURTIS: You wanna know the truth? The truth is you're better off not knowing.","DIXON: (opens door) We need to talk.","Sydney follows Dixon into the other room.","DIXON: Six canisters of nuridium disappeared from a Russian processing plant last month, from the same lot as the one we just recovered.","WEISS: The phone call between Curtis and Roemer - they talked about the rest of the shipment. We think that Curtis already has the canisters. (sighs) Our options here are limited, Syd. But we think if we let them go, there's a really good chance that he'll lead us to the rest of the nuridium.","SYDNEY: You want to let him go.","DIXON: We'll make him believe he's escaped.","SYDNEY: No. We can't risk losing him.","DIXON: The risk will be minimal -","SYDNEY: We just need more time to break him.","DIXON: We don't have more time. With that much nuridium, we may be looking at Hiroshima times 50.","SYDNEY: We're talking about releasing the man who killed Vaughn. Dixon, Weiss, and Sydney go back into the room where Curtis is being held. Dixon unties one of Curtis' arm restraints.","DIXON: Water? (hands Curtis a bottle of water)","CURTIS: Thank you. (drinks from bottle)","DIXON: We know about the nuridium.","CURTIS: I see.","DIXON: Possession of nuridium is considered an act of terrorism, based on which we can lock you away indefinitely. No formal charges, no trial. But right now that does neither of us any good. Tell us where the rest of the nuridium is, what you intend to do with it, and we'll cut you a deal.","CURTIS: Uh-huh. I want immunity. From everything - the nuridium and killing Michael Vaughn. You'd do it, wouldn't you? You'd have to. Mm, well, I'll save you the trouble. No deal. I'm not talking. (hands Dixon the bottle of water) Sorry, baby. Daddy just went snooping where he shouldn't have gone. Sydney angrily kicks him through the window, where he falls down to a body of water below.","WEISS: Did he drink enough?","DIXON: (checks the amount of water remaining in the bottle) Yeah. I'd say we've got about two hours before the tracking serum enters his bloodstream.","WEISS: All right. I'll set up the scanner.","(Washington, D.C.)","Jack is seated at a table at an outdoor cafe, reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee.","AHERN: That stuff will poison you, you know. Jack sets his cup of coffee down.","AHERN: Liberal rag. Jack drops his newspaper and looks annoyed.","AHERN: Coffee's not too good for you either. Jack smiles.","AHERN: I think I found your man. Outsider, like you asked - but fully documented. No family, no entanglements. Just off a four-year tour with Special Ops. (hands file to Jack) Jack looks it over, flips to the second page and notices something. He looks up at Ahern, concerned.","AHERN: (nods) I know. I assume you can deal with that. Jack nods.","AHERN: They say he also has a bit of a temper.","(A bar)","A man in a suit punches a guy, knocking him down. He then picks the guy up, pins him against the wall. He glares at the guy while catching his breath, as if he were about to say something.","GUY: Seriously, something has to be done about your breath.","SUIT: Oh yeah? How about this? The man in the suit strikes the guy across the face, sending him crashing into a table and onto the floor.","SUIT: Jackass. The guy rolls over onto his back. Someone walks up and stands over him. It's Jack.","JACK: Thomas Grace?","GRACE: Who wants to know?","JACK: Let's take a walk.","(Warehouse)","WEISS: Did you know that we have astronaut ice cream here? The Neapolitan is a little nasty, but apparently, it lasts for centuries. (sits down next to Sydney, who is working on the computer) Still nothing?","SYDNEY: Nothing.","WEISS: You know, how quickly the isotope is absorbed depends on this guy's metabolism.","SYDNEY: It's been two-and-a-half hours.","WEISS: It's gonna hit, Syd. Trust me. (pauses) All right. You know what? I can't wait with this any longer. I've been offered a promotion to coordinate the covert ops for the NSC. And I've known about it for about a week. I asked your father not to tell you 'cause I wanted to tell you myself, but there hasn't really been a great time -","SYDNEY: Wait a minute. In D.C.?","WEISS: Yeah. Steps away from the President.","SYDNEY: Well, that's great. (nods) That's good news. (looks sad) I'm gonna miss you. But I - I'm really, really happy for you.","WEISS: I can't do it.","SYDNEY: Weiss...","WEISS: No, I can't do it. Come on, Syd. Vaughn, Nadia... I mean, to leave now, it just doesn't seem right.","SYDNEY: Wait, listen to what you're saying. Steps away from the President.","WEISS: Oh, I know.","SYDNEY: You can't say no to that.","The computer beeps, initializing the signal from Curtis.","WEISS: Okay, we got a signal on Curtis.","DIXON: Where is he?","SYDNEY: I can't tell. It's not pinpointing.","DIXON: That's because he's not on the ground.","(A bar)","Rachel Gibson is out with some friends.","BALD GUY: All right. During the Vernal Equinox, you can actually balance an egg on its end.","RACHEL: No, you can't. It's a myth.","BALD GUY: No, it's not. Listen, it has something to do with the Earth's axis and the alignment of the Sun. Trust me. I Googled it. Rachel's cell phone rings.","RACHEL: Yeah, okay, just like water swirls the other way in toilets in Australia?","BALD GUY: It does!","RACHEL: (answers phone) Hello? (to her friends) Guys, I'm gonna take this. I'll be right back. (walks away from the table) Mr. Curtis, what can I do for you?","CURTIS: Let Dean know we're on our way. We've got the device on board, but I'm going to need the analysts team to meet me at the airport. [CC: \"meet us at the airfield.\"]","RACHEL: Of course.","CURTIS: We're 200 miles out. Right on schedule. (disconnects call) A shot of his plane is flying in the air. We see a box, presumably the device to which Curtis was referring.","(Washington, D.C.)","Jack is walking down the street, talking on his cell phone.","JACK: At 1700 hours, Ivan Curtis boarded a private jet. Marshall pulled the cargo manifest from Schiphol. Curtis loaded several oversized containers onto the plane.","DIXON: He's transporting the weapon.","JACK: The flight plan indicates their final destination is PyongYang. The flight was granted diplomatic immunity.","DIXON: Diplomatic immunity? How's that possible?","JACK: We're still exploring that.","WEISS: We can't just let these guys fly to North Korea. There's got to be something we can do.","SYDNEY: Maybe there is.","(B-2 in the Air)","Dixon, Sydney, and Weiss are aboard a B-2 approaching Curtis' jet. The teams checks their gear.","DIXON: We're just about there.","(Washington, D.C.)","JACK: (on phone) What's their current position? Do we have an ETA for rendezvous?","MARSHALL: Okay, the docking point is two miles out. Final approach for hookup.","JACK: Is there any indication they've been detected?","MARSHALL: No, A.T.C.'s still blind. And, I was able to jam the airliner's traffic collision avoidance system. They don't know we're coming.","JACK: Good. Keep me posted. I want to know the second that plane is secured.","(Aboard the B-2)","The B-2 positions itself directly below the jet.","DIXON: Okay. The B-2 attaches to the jet. Weiss presses some buttons.","WEISS: Docking tube's pressurized. Weiss opens the hatch. The team begins to climb the ladder to board the jet. A cell phone rings.","JACK: (answers phone) Yes.","MARSHALL: Rendezvous complete. They're on board.","JACK: Good. Thank you. The B-2 disconnects from the jet. The team makes its way into the cargo hold of the jet. Weiss turns on the lights. Sydney spots the device and calls Marshall.","MARSHALL: (answers phone) Flinkman.","SYDNEY: Hey, it's me.","MARSHALL: Oh yeah, I know. I gave you your own ringtone. So did you find the bomb?","SYDNEY: I'm standing right in front of it.","MARSHALL: Okay. Great. Well, what do you see? Tell me about it.","SYDNEY: It's about 8 feet by 3 feet. (opens container) There's a hose running alongside it. Looks like it's feeding nuridium into the panel.","MARSHALL: Okay, you need to access that panel. Can you get to it? Can you open it?","SYDNEY: Let's see, just give me a sec. (starts to pry open panel) Meanwhile, Dixon and Weiss have gone to secure the cabin.","DIXON: Three tangos. On my go. Three... two... one... Suddenly, a man comes out of the lavatory, right in front of Dixon. Dixon knocks the man out, but the man's cell phone falls into the aisle of the cabin. Weiss is considering his next move regarding the two men in the front of the cabin when the cell phone rings. The two men in front hear the ring and turn to see Weiss. They shoot at him. Curtis gets out of his seat. Sydney is working with Marshall (via phone) to dismantle the device.","MARSHALL: Go, go, go. Oh, you know what? There should be a detonator attached to the regulator. Do you see that?","SYDNEY: Okay. I don't see it.","MARSHALL: Well, it has to be there. Because without a detonator, there's no detonation. That's how it works.","SYDNEY: Fine. I'm just telling you, it's not here.","MARSHALL: Well, Syd, it has to be there, okay? Because there is no bomb without a detonator. Sydney examines the device again and opens another panel, revealing a monitor. The device beeps. Sydney sees a body in the window of the container.","SYDNEY: Marshall... I don't think it's a bomb. A gun cocks.","CURTIS: I don't believe you have a boarding pass.","SYDNEY: Go ahead. Shoot me. But if you do, there's a damn good chance my hand will slip, and I'll cut this connection. Whoever this guy is, he's obviously pretty important to you. It'd be a shame is something were to happen to him.","CURTIS: Step away from the container.","SYDNEY: I don't think so. Back in the cabin...","WEISS: Dixon, cover me! Weiss pushes a food cart up the aisle and dodges bullets. He is able to get to the front of the plane and fight one of the men. Back in the cargo hold...","CURTIS: You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into.","SYDNEY: I'll ask you once, and if you don't answer me, I will cut this. Who is Dean working with? Who gave the order to kill Michael Vaughn?","CURTIS: Even if I told you, you wouldn't believe me.","SYDNEY: Humor me. Back in the cabin... Weiss continues to fight the man, who fires some shots into the cockpit, killing the pilot. The plane loses control momentarily, knocking Curtis down and helping Weiss overcome the man he is fighting with.","WEISS: Going in the cockpit! Weiss grabs the pilot and drags him out of the cockpit.","WEISS: I got him. Take him. Dixon takes the controls and restabilizes the plane. Back in the cargo hold.... After Curtis was knocked off balance, he dropped his gun. Sydney manages to grab it before he got to it. She points the gun at Curtis, who is sitting on the floor.","CURTIS: What are you waiting for?","SYDNEY: (pauses) Turn around. On your knees. I'm taking you in.","CURTIS: Then... you might as well kill me. (gets up) I won't survive the night in custody.","SYDNEY: If you're willing to cooperate, we can protect you.","CURTIS: No. You have no idea. These people...","SYDNEY: Who? Curtis reaches up and opens the door to the cargo hold. He gets sucked out of the jet. Sydney grabs on to avoid the same fate.","APO","A meeting with Jack, Sydney, Dixon, Weiss, and Marshall.","JACK: Our initial assumptions were wrong. The nuridium wasn't being utilized as an explosive. We believe it was used to power a cryogenic chamber.","WEISS: You mean, freezing people-cryogenics?","MARSHALL: Sort of. Um. It's usually done with liquid nitrogen. But this is like, next-gen cryo-preservation. I mean, whoever this person is, or was, they probably died of a terminal illness, and they're using this container to preserve the corpse until a treatment is found. Of course, the notion that anyone can ever be revived - complete fiction. Believe me, I've tried.","SYDNEY: Have we IDed the body?","JACK: Not yet. The container is currently in DSR custody. They'll forward us the forensic analysis as soon as it's complete. An evidence team scoured the plane for anything that might be of value, but I'm not expecting anything to come of it. For now, we've done everything we can. We'll just have to wait for the reports. The team nods. Dixon, Weiss and Marshall leave the room.","JACK: Sydney... (walks over and sits down in front of her)","SYDNEY: (sighs) We lost our only lead on Gordon Dean... I'm not sure if I can do this, Dad.","JACK: (concerned) We'll get another lead.","SYDNEY: It's not that. It's everything, it's ... it's hard being without him. I saw the baby's heart beat for the very first time the other day. I was by myself. It's not fair. He should have been there.","JACK: (sighs) I'm here. How can I help?","SYDNEY: My next doctor's appointment's in a few weeks. Would you go with me?","JACK: Sweetheart, of course I will. Sydney, you're gonna be okay.","SYDNEY: Yeah. (nods) Yeah. Thomas Grace walks into APO. Someone takes him to an empty desk. Grace puts his stuff down. Weiss sees Grace at this desk and comes over to introduce himself.","WEISS: Hey, how you doing? Eric Weiss.","GRACE: Tom Grace.","WEISS: Hey, Tom. Uh, listen. This desk isn't exactly an ideal location for you... it's right under the air conditioning vent and there's actually a wobble in the desk. (shakes desk around). You know.","GRACE: Yeah, I get it. The guy I'm replacing - he sat here.","WEISS: You can have mine. That's... (points to his desk) I'm not gonna need it anymore. And you know, actually, I suppose you're replacing me as well. Look, these are really good people here.","GRACE: Yeah. (walks over to his new desk) Sydney walks up and hugs Weiss.","WEISS: Hey!","SYDNEY: I'll see you soon enough. I mean, God knows I have enough frequent flier miles.","WEISS: You're lying -- but I appreciate that. I was just thinking about how humid it is in D.C. I mean, and I am a sweater. I mean, you know that.","DIXON: (walks up) I just got off the phone with the DSR. There was a breach at their holding facility. Two agents injured, that's all I know. We better notify Jack.","SYDNEY: Yeah. (looks at Weiss, concerned)","WEISS: Yeah, go. Go. Dixon nods to Weiss and leaves. Sydney smiles at Weiss and goes to join Dixon. Weiss is left alone in the middle of APO.","(Ren\u00e9e's Hideout)","A cell phone rings.","REN\u00c9E: (answers) Hello?","SYDNEY: Hey.","REN\u00c9E: Got your message. Have you identified the body?","SYDNEY: That's why I'm calling. The body was stolen. It was being held by a scientific research division, and their facility was hit. Once I get the incident report, I'll forward you the details.","REN\u00c9E: I'll dig around. I'll see what I can find out. Ren\u00e9e walks past a container - the same one that was on the jet. As the monitor begins to beep at a constant rate, the hand of the body inside the container moves."],"Show Title":"Alias","Episode Number":"05x02","Episode Title":"...1...","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Alias_05x06.json","Recap":["Rachel's family is placed in the Witness Protection Program after growing concerns that her former boss Gordon Dean may attempt to kidnap them. Afterwards, based on information from Sloane, who in turn was tipped by Gordon Dean, APO infiltrates a party in search for an electronic dossier that will give them the location of a weapons designer who has created a weapon using software referred to as the \"Lasso software\" that can redirect a missile mid-flight. During this mission, Rachel is confronted by a guard, however, rather than fighting she runs and is eventually saved by agent Grace. Using the recovered dossier, APO learns that the weapon designer is holed up on an oil rig. They later come to the conclusion that the only way to infiltrate the rig is to send a female agent that can pose as the designer's weekend \"companion.\" Rachel is selected to go solo due to Sydney's pregnancy. Amid concerns that Rachel may not be able to pull off the job on her own, Rachel is sent anyway with Sydney as a guide using voice communications. While on the rig, Rachel steals the Lasso software, however, she is confronted by Kelly Peyton, her former colleague and friend while at \"The Shed\". The two fight for the software, but eventually Peyton escapes as Gibson is extracted with the software. Concurrently with these events, Sloane is secretly in contact with Dean. The information previously given by Dean to Sloane was supposed to be used so that APO could track down the designer and steal the software so that Sloane could later steal it from APO and deliver it to Dean; however, Sloane refused to turn over the software \"as payment\" due to Dean's associate, Kelly Peyton, coming in and encountering one of his team. Peyton was sent to the rig to retrieve the software after Dean was hesitant about trusting Sloane to make good on this transfer. A comatose Nadia (played by M\u00eda Maestro), whose life may now be in more danger due to Sloane's decision, makes a cameo appearance at the episode's conclusion."],"Transcript":["(INT. A HOUSE - NIGHT)","A football game is being shown on television.","Announcer: So, here we go. 3rd and 5. Williams drops back to pass... A girl is on the computer, talking to her friend on an Instant Messenger program.","GIRL: Hey, Dad. Fiona wants to know if I can come over and study for awhile. Her father's eyes are glued to the football game.","FATHER: Maybe tomorrow night, okay, kiddo? The girl turns back to computer. The rest of her family - her father, mother, and brother are in front of the television watching the game. A dark figure glides past, behind the sofa. The son notices something, but sees nothing behind him.","MOTHER: Oh, I left another message.","FATHER: Look, you know she's always traveling. I mean, where is she now, Europe?","MOTHER: Yeah, but she usually calls. Suddenly, the electricity turns off in the house.","FATHER: Oh, come - that's okay. I got it. (gets up from the sofa) It's probably just, you know, a circuit breaker or some - There is a crashing sound. Shadowy figures capture the family members in the darkness.","MOTHER: Oh!","SON: Hey! The electricity comes back on, but the room is empty. A framed photograph of Rachel Gibson sits on the fireplace mantle in the living room.","(INT. SECURE FACILITY - DAY)","The Gibson family waits in a small, empty room with only a simple table and a few chairs - the kind of room typically used for interrogations. The father paces the room. Rachel Gibson watches her family through a two-way mirror. Sydney is with her.","RACHEL: (voice shaking) How much do they know?","SYDNEY: Not much... that this is a government facility, that they're here for their own protection.","RACHEL: I've ruined their lives.","SYDNEY: That's not true.","RACHEL: They can't go home. They can't go back to work. They can't even say good-bye to their friends.","SYDNEY: Because it's not safe. You know that. There were taps on their phones. There was surveillance equipment. Witness protection is the best way to ensure their safety.","RACHEL: They say I won't even be able to call them. How am I supposed to this alone?","SYDNEY: You do it because you don't have a choice... because you want the world to be safe for the people you love. Rachel looks over at Sydney.","SYDNEY: I know some people think I'm crazy, still working like this, but I can't go home and sit there and just - be pregnant. Not when the men who killed Vaughn are still out there. It's my responsibility to stop them... so this baby can be safe... so you can be with your family. Rachel nods.","RACHEL: (smiling and tearing up) We're kind of a weird family. We actually like each other. (sniffs)","SYDNEY: Then go in there and let them see you're okay. That's all they care about. Rachel looks over at Sydney with tears in her eyes and nods.","RACHEL: Okay. The mother hears the door open and looks toward the door.","MOTHER: (gasps) Oh, my God! Rachel! Rachel's mother rushes over to Rachel and hugs her.","RACHEL: I wanted to call. I just - I couldn't.","FATHER: We were worried something had happened to you.","RACHEL: Something did happen, and that's why you're here. Oh, where do I begin? (whispers) Okay... Sydney watches the family reunion through the two-way mirror.","(EXT. PIER - DAY)","Sloane and Dean walk down a pier.","SLOANE: Rachel Gibson's family has been moved to a witness protection program.","DEAN: We knew that might happen.","SLOANE: I will not hurt Rachel or anyone else from APO. It was not part of our agreement.","DEAN: Our agreement is whatever I say it is. I'm the one who got you out of prison, and I can easily put you back.","SLOANE: (stops walking) Let me say this again. I will not hurt those people.","DEAN: I'm not telling you to - not yet, at least. But we both know you'll do whatever it takes to save your daughter. If that means you have to hurt a few people along the way, well - so be it.","SLOANE: Are we finished?","DEAN: Almost. Have you heard of a weapons designer named J\u00e1nos Vak?","SLOANE: No.","DEAN: We've been after him for some time. He's disappeared. I want you to use your resources at APO and find him. Dean hands Sloane a USB drive.","DEAN: What would your colleagues do if they knew you answered to me... that you were betraying them on a daily basis?","SLOANE: (looks up directly at Dean) Same thing I hope to do to you someday.","DEAN: Call me when you find Vak. (turns and leaves)","(INT. APO - DAY)","Sloane holds the USB drive for a moment and turns it over before finally plugging it into his laptop. He opens up the contents of the drive, but stops and pauses for a moment. He looks around the APO office at all the employees, his gaze finally stopping at a very pregnant Sydney, who has stopped to talk to Marshall. Sloane's computer shows J\u00e1nos Vak's Hungarian passport.","CUT TO Jack leading an APO meeting with Sloane, Sydney, and Marshall.","JACK: Now that Arvin's returned in the capacity of Assistant Director, I've asked him to read Rachel Gibson's debriefing. I believe his... unique insights into a covert organization like The Shed will be extremely useful to us.","SLOANE: Thank you, Jack. This is an extremely well-insulated organization. Of all the names mentioned in the debrief, there was only one that I recognized immediately - a weapons designer named J\u00e1nos Vak. Sloane pulls up Vak's file on screen.","SLOANE: Mr. Vak is a Hungarian national. For the past decade, he has specialized in designing targeting software. His present obsession - he calls it \"Lasso Technology.\"","SYDNEY: DOD's been worried about this. It's a software program that would allow an incoming missile to be electronically intercepted and redirected.","MARSHALL: Right. Basically, you could lasso a target that was headed for a military target, say in the Middle East, and then redirect it to... Switzerland, you know? I mean, and then the Swiss call, and they're like, \"Hey, uh, we're neutral, remember?\" (laughs)","JACK: Thank you, Marshall. I think we all... understand.","MARSHALL: Right. That was just... a hypothetical.","SLOANE: Based on Ms. Gibson's statement, Gordon Dean has been trying to locate Vak for the past six months.","JACK: Arvin has suggested, and I agree, that if we can find Vak first, we can then use him as bait to catch Gordon Dean.","SLOANE: In the past, he has been known to frequently partner with an Algerian arms broker. (pulls up a file of Zigza Zidane on screen) Evidently, they had a meeting a few months ago. Nobody has heard from Vak since.","JACK: The Algerian Underworld is particularly difficult to penetrate.","SYDNEY: I think I know someone who can do it.","JACK: Ren\u00e9e Rienne.","SYDNEY: Yeah.","JACK: Make contact with her. See if she can get a lead on J\u00e1nos Vak. Sydney closes her file and gets up. She walks over to her desk and sets the file down. Sloane approaches her.","SLOANE: Sydney, I haven't had a chance to thank you for the letter of recommendation you wrote to the tribunal. I know it helped persuade the judges regarding my release.","SYDNEY: You're welcome.","SLOANE: Look, there's something I need to confess to you, and I hope you don't judge me too harshly for it. (pauses) Every day I go to the hospital to visit Nadia. I get off at her floor, talk to the doctors. And yet, I cannot set foot... into her room. I can't bear to see her hooked up to all those machines, knowing that it's my fault.","SYDNEY: I know you'll do anything in your power to find a cure for Nadia.","SLOANE: Yes, I will. I will do whatever it takes to save my daughter.","GENERIQUE","MARSEILLES, FRANCE","(INT. BUILDING - NIGHT)","Zigza Zidane and two men play Mahjong. The sound of a motorcycle racing closer alarms the men. Before they can react, a motorcycle crashes through the door. The rider slides the motorcycle to the side plowing it into the Mahjong table, knocking one man over with the table and scattering the other two. The second man draws a gun, but the rider quickly pulls a knife and throws it, piercing the man's hand and forcing him to drop his gun. The rider walks toward the man, removes her helmet and slams it into the man's head, knocking him down. The rider is Ren\u00e9e Rienne. Zidane tries to run away, but Ren\u00e9e throws a knife into the back of his leg. Zidane falls facedown to the ground, wincing in pain. Ren\u00e9e walks over to Zidane, straddles his back, and wraps a wire around his neck, tightening the line before questioning him.","REN\u00c9E: Bon soir, monsieur. [Good evening, sir. I'm looking for a weapons designer named J\u00e1nos Vak.]","(INT. APO TRAINING ROOM - DAY)","Rachel trains on a punching bag. After landing one final elbow on the bag, she stops and rubs her eyes, exhausted. The door opens.","TOM: Sorry. (turns to leave the training room)","RACHEL: No, uh, you can use the bag. I'm done.","TOM: No, I don't really like to work out around other people.","RACHEL: Hey... I could use somebody to spar with.","TOM: I don't really... spar.","RACHEL: I don't either - which is why I could really use your help. Don't want to get my ass kicked in the field. What do you say? Tom looks hesitant. CUT TO Rachel and Tom squaring off, fists raised.","RACHEL: How many fights you been in?","TOM: I don't know. Enough. Rachel is jumpy, trying to decide on her move.","RACHEL: You win? Rachel throws a succession of three punches at Tom, who blocks.","TOM: Of course... mostly. Why, what did you hear?","RACHEL: Nothing. I've just never been in any real fights. I kind of want to know what to do. With that, Rachel tries to kick Tom, but he blocks it. She spins around and tries a right side kick, but he deflects her awkward attempt easily, sending her backwards onto the mat. He reaches out his hand to help her up.","TOM: Not that. Don't ever do that spinning kung-fu crap. You'll get yourself killed.","RACHEL: Okay, fine. What should I be doing?","TOM: All right. For real? (pauses) I fight dirty.","RACHEL: Dirty?","TOM: Go for the eyes, the throat, the nuts.","RACHEL: The nuts?","TOM: Cause as much damage. Inflict as much pain as humanly possible.","RACHEL: I don't know if I can do that.","TOM: Well, then you shouldn't be here. I'm serious! Look, everybody is taking care of you. If they can't depend on you... just go pack up your playthings! Go home to Mom and - Rachel slugs Tom, who is stunned temporarily at the impact and slowly rubs his jaw. Rachel stands with her fists raised - shaking, but determined and ready.","TOM: (chuckles) That was better. I want to see more of that. Tom's cell phone rings.","TOM: (answering) Tom Grace. Got it. (disconnects call) Briefing in fifteen. Tom turns to leave. Rachel follows him.","(INT. APO BRIEFING ROOM - DAY)","SYDNEY: Ren\u00e9e located the Algerian arms dealer. The lasso technology is no longer a rumor. J\u00e1nos Vak designed a program to intercept and redirect missiles. According to the arms dealer, three months ago, Vak met with a Chinese official who bought the new weapon.","SLOANE: Do we know where Vak is now?","SYDNEY: No one's seen him since the meet. He's just dropped off the planet.","JACK: Which is why we are going to pursue the Chinese official. His name is General Li Yum Sung, and he's staying at the Chinese Consulate in Bombay. The General is marrying an Indian woman next month. The consulate is throwing them an engagement party.","DIXON: I've checked with our contact in Indian intelligence. He says the General keeps an encrypted copy of his contacts and schedule in a safe in his room. They should lead us to Vak.","JACK: Sydney, you're going to break into the safe and acquire the intel. Agents Dixon and Grace will offer support. Marshall and Ms. Gibson will run op-tech. Good luck.","Bombay","(EXT. CHINESE CONSULATE - NIGHT)","A crowd of people is there for the engagement party in the courtyard of the Chinese Consulate. Tom arrives with Sydney, wearing a green sari, on his arm. They make their way through the crowd. Dixon is already at the party, chatting with guests. When he sees Tom and Sydney, he excuses himself and walks over to them.","DIXON: The General is still upstairs.","TOM: Doesn't the man know it's kind of hard to break into his safe if he's sitting right in front of it? Sydney looks over at the General's fianc\u00e9e, who looks distraught.","SYDNEY: I don't think he's coming down tonight. See that woman over there? That's the General's fianc\u00e9e. The fianc\u00e9e looks up toward the General's office. A friend comforts her.","SYDNEY: She looks pretty unhappy. I think the General might be having second thoughts. (comms) Hey, Marshall?","MARSHALL: (comms) Go, Phoenix.","SYDNEY: What's going on upstairs?","MARSHALL: Wait for uno momento, por favor. Marshall taps into the surveillance feed.","MARHSALL: Uh... okay. Looks like all's quiet. Just one soldier outside the General's door, very sharply dressed.","SYDNEY: We've got to go about this a different way. (to Dixon) Remember the Prince in Bahrain?","DIXON: They guy with the harem...?","SYDNEY: Let's try and do that.","TOM: What are you talking about?","SYDNEY: (ignoring Tom) I need your watch.","TOM: It's okay, I'm not really here. Dixon takes his watch off and hands it to Sydney.","DIXON: (to Tom) Just follow my lead. Dixon approaches the General's fianc\u00e9e.","DIXON: (speaking with an accent) I am sorry, but I cannot allow you to marry the other man. The fianc\u00e9e still looks upset, but is clearly confused.","DIXON: You belong to me. It is time we told the world the truth. Our love cannot be denied. The fianc\u00e9e looks at her friend incredulously.","FRIEND: Who is this crazy person?","FIANC\u00c9E: I have no idea. Dixon gets down on one knee and grabs the fianc\u00e9e's hand.","FRIEND: Ay, yi yi!","DIXON: Marry me, Naomika. Let us share our joy with everyone!","FIANC\u00c9E: Let go of me!","DIXON: I know that you love me!","FIANC\u00c9E: Eh! Tom rushes up to diffuse the situation.","TOM: Uh, the lady said let her go.","DIXON: But -","TOM: Let her go! (waving to a guard) Hey!","DIXON: We are destined for each other, Naomika. The guard leaves his post to help Tom, allowing Sydney to get upstairs into the Consulate. Tom and the guard try to drag Dixon away.","DIXON: Tell them! Dixon kisses the fianc\u00e9e's hand a few times, despite her protests, before being forcefully dragged away.","DIXON: Ours is a forbidden love!","(INT. CHINESE CONSULATE - NIGHT)","Sydney walks through the corridors of the Consulate until she reaches the General's office. She approaches the guard.","SYDNEY: (speaking Mandarin Chinese) I need to see the General.","GUARD: He's not to be disturbed.","SYDNEY: He'll want to see me. Sydney puts her hand on her belly for emphasis.","SYDNEY: You know what, never mind. I'll talk to his fianc\u00e9e instead. I'm sure she'll love to meet me. (turns to leave)","GUARD: Wait. Marshall and Rachel watch the interchange on the surveillance feed.","RACHEL: (amazed) She improvised that whole thing.","MARSHALL: Yeah, who'd think you could turn a pregnancy into an alias?","RACHEL: ...and in Chinese.","MARSHALL: Listen, I've had to do a little alias magic myself to save the day a few times. Do you know what a spork is?","RACHEL: They're letting her in. The guard opens the door for Sydney to enter the General's office. The guard leaves the room and closes the door. The General looks up wearily at Sydney.","GENERAL: Did she send you in?","SYDNEY: Many of your friends are worried about you.","GENERAL: I just need more time. I just... need more time.","SYDNEY: It's okay. It's still early. Sydney points Dixon's watch toward the General and presses a button. A tranquilizer dart hits the General in the neck, knocking him out. Sydney removes a painting behind the General's desk, revealing a safe. From her purse, she retrieves a code cracker disguised as a compact and attaches it to the door of the safe.","SYDNEY: (comms) Okay, Marshall, I'm ready.","MARSHALL: Okay... Marshall tries to connect to the compact, but the computer is unable to receive the signal.","MARSHALL: You know what? I'm not getting a reading, Phoenix. There must be too much shielding in the building.","SYDNEY: Are you saying you can't do it?","MARSHALL: Well, no. Of course not. Marshall reaches into his toolbox and digs through it.","MARSHALL: All right, Phoenix, this is going to take a sec. I need to set a relay closer to the building so I can boost your signal.","SYDNEY: Copy that.","MARSHALL: (finds the relay) Got it.","RACHEL: I can do it. You'll need to be here when it's activated. It'll be faster this way. Marshall hands her the relay.","RACHEL: Thanks. Rachel leaves the van to set the relay. Meanwhile, Tom and the guard set Dixon down on a bench in a quiet area of the courtyard.","TOM: Okay. (to the guard) Thank you for your help. He's not a bad guy, he's just had his heart broken. I'll get him home. Thanks. Dixon acts heartbroken, but keeps his eye what is going on in the courtyard. He notices the fianc\u00e9e leaving her friends.","DIXON: (comms) Heads up, Phoenix. The fianc\u00e9e's moving your way.","SYDNEY: Marshall, what's the ETA?","MARSHALL: Oracle, what's your status? Rachel just finishes setting the relay. The lights on the device blink green.","RACHEL: Relay's set.","MARSHALL: Okay. Hang on a sec. Marshall receives the signal from the compact.","MARSHALL: Great. We're at five by five. Way to go. Marshall cracks the code to the safe. The compact enters the code 11205 into the safe, unlocking it. Sydney removes the compact and opens the safe. She finds the device and puts it in her purse.","SYDNEY: I've got it. I'm on my way. Rachel heads back to the van but a guard spots her.","GUARD: Halt. Stop right there. Rachel stops. The guard approaches her.","GUARD: What are you doing back here? Rachel smiles but is silent, frozen in place. As the guard gets closer, she panics and runs away. The guard runs after her, shouting in Chinese.","RACHEL: (comms) I'm busted! East side of the building.","TOM: (to Dixon) Wait for Sydney. Tom grabs a pole from one of the rope barriers. Sydney comes down the steps and coolly walks through the courtyard past Dixon, who pauses a moment before following her out. Rachel is running along the east side of the building and passes some bushes, where Tom is waiting.","TOM: Get down. Just as the guard is about to pass the bush, Tom knocks him out with the pole. Rachel groans as she tries to get up off the grass.","TOM: You okay?","RACHEL: If by okay you mean freaked and embarrassed, then yeah, I'm great. Tom helps Rachel up off the grass.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(INT. STORE - DAY)","Sydney sits on a rocking chair and watches a toddler play with the stuffed animal toys in the store. The child's father comes along.","FATHER: (whispering) What you got there? The father puts a red hat on her head, and picks her up, holding her close. The storekeeper interrupts Sydney's reverie.","STOREKEEPER: Finding everything okay?","SYDNEY: Yes, thank you. Oh - I'd like to get this, please. (rubs the armrest of the rocking chair)","STOREKEEPER: Okay, great. The storekeeper notices Sydney is distracted and follows her gaze to the father and daughter in the store.","STOREKEEPER: Oh, we get so many dads in the store these days. (chuckles) I don't think my husband ever bought so much as a diaper.","SYDNEY: Yeah. (gets up) My dad wasn't exactly hands-on either. (laughs)","STOREKEEPER: What about your husband? Has he been doing his part?","SYDNEY: He's been great. Wishes he could do more.","STOREKEEPER: I love hearing that. Times sure have changed.","SYDNEY: (whispers) Yeah.","(INT. ALTERATIONS SHOP - DAY)","Sloane walks into the shop. A bell monitoring the door rings.","SLOANE: Hello.","SEAMSTRESS: Hello.","SLOANE: You altered a suit for me. Here's the ticket.","SEAMSTRESS: (glancing at Sloane's ticket) Oh, yes. Why don't you wait in the back, and I'll bring it to you.","SLOANE: Thank you. Sloane walks to the back room of the shop and finds Gordon Dean.","DEAN: You should've told me about the Chinese Consulate before your team went in.","SLOANE: There was no reason to complicate things. Anyway, I assumed that you wanted APO to do the heavy lifting.","DEAN: (stands up and stands in front of Sloane, threatening) You don't get to assume anything. Did you locate J\u00e1nos Vak?","SLOANE: The intel was encrypted. I'll have an answer for you before the end of the day.","DEAN: Call me when you do.","(INT. APO - DAY)","Sydney walks into the office.","DIXON: (on the phone) I don't have time to explain. Yeah, she's here now, thank you. (hangs up phone) Dixon gets up and greets Sydney.","DIXON: Hey.","SYDNEY: Hey.","DIXON: We found Vak. He's secluded on an oil platform in the South China Sea while he finishes his software program. Marshall's still pinpointing the exact coordinates.","SYDNEY: Great. How are we going in?","DIXON: We're not. We're backup.","SYDNEY: (surprised) Who's my dad sending?","DIXON: Rachel Gibson.","SYDNEY: Rachel? Dixon nods.","SYDNEY: He's sending her in solo? Why would he do that?","DIXON: The Chinese government has suspended all shore leave for the men working on the platform. No one gets on or off until Vak is done. The sole exception is that every other weekend, Vak is allowed... female companionship.","CUT TO Sydney and Jack discussing whether Rachel should be the one to go on this mission.","SYDNEY: You can't send her in alone.","JACK: Rachel's incredibly bright. You've seen it yourself.","SYDNEY: You saw what happened on our last mission. She ran.","JACK: The mission was a success, Sydney. You may not want to hear it, but this isn't an assignment you can do. You know it as well as I do.","SYDNEY: She's not ready. At least delay the mission a few weeks. Just give her time to train.","JACK: That's not an option. If we're going to use Vak and his weapon as bait to catch Gordon Dean, we can't afford to wait. This is no different than when you were sent back into SD-6.","SYDNEY: It's completely different. I had Vaughn.","JACK: And Rachel will have you. Sydney looks crushed for a moment, but recomposes herself. [I[CUT TO[\/I] Marshall, going over the op-tech for Rachel's mission.","MARSHALL: Okay, once you see Vak, you're going to need to knock him out, right? You know, I don't mean, you know, like, rock'em-sock 'em, knock him out. It's more of a, um, actually, here we go. Okay, take a look right here, this looks like a normal lipstick. Marshall twists the lipstick tube, showing Rachel the color.","MARSHALL: It's a very nice shade of red. I think it would look good - but, anyway - touch it anywhere on his skin, it'll knock him out for at least two hours. By the time he wakes up, he'll think he had the time of his life. You - you'll be on a chopper halfway home. Oh, and also... Marshall pulls out a circular hairbrush. A blade pops out of the top of the brush, startling Rachel.","MARSHALL: I spring-loaded an ice pick into here. You know, just in case. But you're probably not gonna... need that. I mean, I'm sure you'll be... you'll be fine.","CUT TO Rachel prepping for her mission in a locker room. She reaches into her purse and pulls out a gun.","DIXON: Are you about ready?","RACHEL: I've been going to the firing range every night so that when the time came, I'd be ready. Of course, on my first solo mission, I have to go in unarmed. Rachel puts the gun into her locker.","DIXON: Rachel, Jack wouldn't send you in if he didn't have complete faith in your ability to succeed.","RACHEL: I appreciate you saying that, but I know what everyone is thinking. I'm the new girl, I panicked on the last mission, and everybody is asking whether or not I can do it. And the truth is - I don't know. I'm terrified. But I'm more terrified of not trying. So... I'm gonna put on my strappy shoes and my teeny dress, and I'm gonna try. And by this time tomorrow, we'll know whether I can do it or not. Dixon nods reassuringly.","(INT. PARKING GARAGE - DAY)","Gordon Dean is waiting in the parking garage. A car pulls up, screeching its tires as it stops in front of Dean. The driver window rolls down. It's Sloane.","SLOANE: J\u00e1nos Vak has been found. (hands Dean a sheet of paper) The details are in here. APO is sending in your former associate, Rachel Gibson. She's going in solo to get the weapons design.","DEAN: (surprised) Gibson? Alone...?","SLOANE: Once she acquires it, I'll swap it out. I'll get you the real program. Sloane rolls the window up and drives away. Peyton steps out of Dean's car.","PEYTON: Did he just say they're sending Rachel?","DEAN: I don't trust Sloane. We're not gonna wait. I want you to get the weapon yourself. Peyton nods, but hesitates.","DEAN: Is there a problem?","PEYTON: It'll just be strange if Rachel and I cross paths. She thought I was her best friend.","DEAN: Look, if we could've convinced her to play on our side, we would have. But things didn't go that way.","PEYTON: So... if I run into her?","DEAN: Show her the professional courtesy of putting a bullet in her head.","MER DE CHINE","[Music - The Bodyrockers: \"I Like the Way\"]","Rachel pulls up to the oil platform on a speedboat. She is wearing a short pink and purple dress with a leopard print fur coat. A guard leads her up a flight of stairs to Vak's room.","CUT TO flashback of Sydney helping Rachel prepare just before the mission.","RACHEL: This is a mistake. I've never done anything like this with the - the wig and the dress and... What am I gonna say to him?","SYDNEY: Well, it isn't what you'd say. Remember, you're playing a character. It's what she would say. (thinks of an idea) Who was the sluttiest girl in your high school?","RACHEL: Mandy Camarillo.","SYDNEY: (amused) You didn't have to think very hard on that one.","RACHEL: Tramp stole my date at junior prom. She had red hair and a pierced tongue.","SYDNEY: (laughs) Okay, so you're Mandy Camarillo. And J\u00e1nos Vak is your prom date. Just say what she'd say. You're not gonna be alone Rachel, not for a second. I'll be on comms the whole time - the way Vaughn was for me.","RACHEL: It helps a lot - having you. (breathes) I can do this, right?","SYDNEY: Absolutely.","CUT TO Rachel on the oil platform. A guard follows behind her. As they enter a corridor, he stops her and points to Vak's room. She removes her sunglasses and walks toward the room, but hesitates, looking back at the guard. He shoos her into the hallway leading to the room. Rachel turns a corner and arrives at Vak's room. Another guard is at the door. He punches in a code to open the door for her. Rachel gets nervous.","RACHEL: (comms, under her breath) Sydney?","SYDNEY: Okay, I'm with you Rachel. Just breathe. Rachel knocks the door.","VAK: Come in. Come in. Rachel enters the room. Vak sits on the foot rail of the bed, waiting for Rachel. She closes the door behind her. Vak sits up expectedly. Rachel smiles nervously.","RACHEL: (walking toward Vak) You're so cute. They didn't tell me you'd be so cute. Vak remains seated and seems confused.","RACHEL: You do speak English, don't you? I mean, they told me you would speak English.","VAK: (getting up and walking toward Rachel with his arms out) Of course, English. I love English! Rachel extends her hand for a handshake.","RACHEL: Nice to meet you. Vak thinks it was a curious gesture, but takes Rachel's hand.","VAK: (bowing) I am J\u00e1nos.","RACHEL: Ra- ... Man-dy. Sydney winces at Rachel's mistake.","VAK: Ray-Mandy. A beautiful name.","RACHEL: So this is where you live, huh? (walking toward Vak's desk) It's pretty sweet.","VAK: Only for a few more days. My business here is almost done.","RACHEL: (sighs) You must get very lonely.","VAK: Well, yes, which is why I'm so happy to see you. Perhaps you would be more comfortable over here on the bed, RayMandy.","RACHEL: No, I'm, uh, I'm good.","SYDNEY: Come on, Rachel. What would Mandy do?","RACHEL: Do you know how to make daiquiris?","VAK: I have champagne.","RACHEL: Even better. (whispers) Idiot. Rachel digs through her purse. Vak pops the cork on the champagne, startling her. She drops something onto the floor.","RACHEL: Uh-oh.","SYDNEY: What do you mean, \"Uh-oh\"?","RACHEL: I dropped my lipstick.","VAK: Not a problem. Your lips are absolutely perfect just the way they are. Vak walks toward Rachel with a glasses of champagne.","SYDNEY: Don't let him kiss you. You're the one in charge.","VAK: Let me show you. Rachel slaps Vak across the face. Vak stands there for a moment looking at Rachel, stunned.","VAK: (looking guilty) Has Baby been bad?","SYDNEY: Oh, this is gonna be too easy, Rachel. Rachel smiles knowingly. Meanwhile, an oil platform worker takes some steps down to the lowest level. He is shot by Peyton, who has arrived at the platform to steal the weapon design. Peyton climbs a ladder up to the oil platform and continues on her way, gun in hand. Vak is being tied to the bed rails with duct tape.","VAK: (excited) RayMandy, you're driving me crazy! Rachel finishes the last makeshift restraint on Vak's left arm.","RACHEL: (authoritatively) Did I say you could talk? Rachel walks around to the foot of the bed and twists Vak's big toe.","VAK: (in pain) Yoy!","RACHEL: You've been a very bad boy.","VAK: (pouting like a baby) I'm sorry.","RACHEL: (mimicking his pouting) Mmm. Rachel crawls on the bed toward Vak.","RACHEL: You know what? I'm gonna be honest with you. This whole \"baby talk\" thing kind of creeps me out, so... I'm just gonna cut to the chase, okay? Vak opens his lips, expecting a kiss. Rachel rips another section of duct tape and covers Vak's mouth.","RACHEL: I gotta go. Rachel goes over the computer. Vak struggles against his restraints and tries to yell, but it is useless. Rachel takes out an eyeglass case and places it on the desk. She presses a button inside the case.","RACHEL: (comms) Downloading now.","SYDNEY: You're doing great. Peyton walks through the oil platform, shooting any guards she encounters. She makes her way to Vak's room","PEYTON: (pointing her gun at the guard) The code.. The guard puts his hands up and punches in the code. As the door opens, Peyton shoots the guard. She enters the room and cocks her gun, but finds Vak bound to the bed and a smoking computer on his desk. Peyton turns and runs out of the room. Meanwhile, Rachel walks back toward her boat.","RACHEL: Phoenix, I've got the data. I've destroyed the original.","SYDNEY: Copy that. Almost home. Rachel finds a dead guard, but keeps going, hurrying to the dock.","RACHEL: Phoenix, I've got a small problem. There's a dead soldier, and the boat's gone.","SYDNEY: Copy that. I'm sending in an emergency extraction. Outrigger?","CUT TO Dixon and Tom in a helicopter.","DIXON: We heard, Phoenix. We're on our way. Rendezvous in approximately five minutes. Tom takes the helicopter up.","SYDNEY: Did you hear that, Rachel? You're gonna be fine. Just make your way to the helideck.","RACHEL: Copy that. Rachel begins climbing the first flight of stairs. Peyton searches the platform for her. Finally, Rachel reaches the highest level of the platform and heads toward the helideck. A gun cocks behind her. It's Peyton.","PEYTON: Surprise.","RACHEL: My God, you're -","PEYTON: Not dead?","RACHEL: I was gonna say \"evil.\" Tell me I'm wrong.","PEYTON: (lowers gun) Let's just say we work for different teams.","RACHEL: You knew this whole time. You were in on it with Dean!","PEYTON: (taking a step toward Rachel) I wanted to tell you.","RACHEL: You blew up that building, and you killed all those people.","PEYTON: It wasn't personal. I... I always liked you.","RACHEL: It was a lie - everything we did! (steps toward Peyton) Peyton raises her gun, preventing Rachel from getting closer.","PEYTON: That's enough.","RACHEL: Now you're gonna kill me.","PEYTON: That's what Dean wants. You've made it really hard for him since you left. Like I said - I always liked you. I don't want to kill you. Just give me Vak's software program, and you walk away from this.","SYDNEY: (comms) Rachel, we can always track Peyton after she leaves the platform. If you believe she'll let you live, give her the data. Your life is more important than the mission.","PEYTON: Come on, Rachel. You're in way over your head. Don't make me shoot you. Give me the disk.","RACHEL: ...Okay. Rachel pulls out the hairbrush and holds it in her left hand, but continues digging her purse for the disk.","PEYTON: You've got two seconds. One... Rachel pulls out the eyeglass case.","RACHEL: Here. Instead of handing the case to Peyton, Rachel pops the ice pick out from the hairbrush and stabs Peyton in the right shoulder, causing her to drop the gun. Rachel kicks the gun away.","PEYTON: You b****! Rachel tries to fend off Peyton again with the ice pick hairbrush, but Peyton dodges Rachel's swing and elbows her in the head. Rachel tries again, but Peyton knocks the brush from Rachel's hand. Rachel stumbles.","PEYTON: (smiling) You should've given me the disk.","RACHEL: You were gonna kill me anyway.","PEYTON: Yeah. But I would've felt bad about it. Peyton pulls out a knife that was strapped to her knee.","PEYTON: Now it's gonna be fun. Peyton swings at Rachel with her knife. Rachel dodges it and tries a sweep kick on Peyton, who jumps up and dodges it. Rachel loses her balance and falls backwards. Peyton advances toward Rachel, but Rachel kicks her. Rachel finds a metal pole on the platform and knocks Peyton's knife out of her hand. Rachel delivers another blow to Peyton's stomach.","RACHEL: Still having fun? An oil platform guard begins shooting at the pair with an AK-47. Rachel grabs Peyton and pulls her away from the bullets, behind some barrels. Peyton looks baffled, but ducks behind the barrels with Rachel. A helicopter arrives and turns to the side. It's Dixon. He shoots the guard, and two other guards, with a machine gun. Peyton stares at Rachel's purse, which is nearby. Dixon trains his gun on Peyton, who decides it's time to get out of there. She takes a running leap off the top of the platform and into the water below. Dixon motions at Rachel. Rachel nods, grabs her purse, and meets them at the helideck. Dixon helps her into the helicopter, and they leave.","(INT. MARINA STORAGE - DAY)","Arvin Sloane walks in and meets with Gordon Dean.","DEAN: You're late.","SLOANE: I told you none of my people were to get hurt.","DEAN: I do what I want, when I want. Now, where is it?","SLOANE: You didn't trust me, and you nearly ruined the entire operation.","DEAN: I want the weapon.","SLOANE: You don't get to have it. That's my price for your mistake.","DEAN: My mistake? I'm not the one responsible for one hundred thousand deaths. I'm not the one dangling on the end of a fish hook. I'm the one who decides if the little fish gets thrown back into the pond, or if it gets flushed down the toilet. Am I being clear?","SLOANE: You don't get Vak's weapon.","DEAN: How's your daughter?","SLOANE: Nadia has nothing to do with this.","DEAN: Oh, sure she does. I want a copy of the lasso software first thing in the morning. Gordon Dean leaves. Sloane looks out on the marina, alone.","(INT. APO - DAY)","Sydney watches as Jack speaks with Rachel in his office. When they are finished, Rachel leaves and walks toward Sydney.","RACHEL: Your father's kind of scary.","SYDNEY: Yeah, tell me about it.","RACHEL: But he said we all did good, so...","SYDNEY: No, you did great.","RACHEL: Thanks... for being in my head.","SYDNEY: You're welcome. I know how important that voice can be. Vaughn talked me through all my early missions with the CIA. Sometimes his voice was the only thing that kept me going.","RACHEL: I wish I could've met him.","SYDNEY: (touched) I'll see you tomorrow. (leaves)","[Music - Karla Bonoff: \"The Water is Wide\"]","Rachel looks around the office and sees Tom Grace. Tom gives Rachel a reassuring nod.","(INT. NATIONAL NAVAL HOSPITAL- NIGHT)","Sloane arrives at Nadia's hospital room. He watches through the glass doorway for a moment, but finally enters her room. He sits next to Nadia's bed and takes her hand.","(INT. APO - NIGHT)","Rachel is working late. She clears off a couple of files off her desk and stops when she finds a photograph of her family. She looks at it, wistfully.","(INT. SYDNEY'S HOUSE - NIGHT)","A recording is playing. Sydney sits in her new rocking chair and holds a micro cassette player to her belly as the recording plays.","Vaughn: You okay?","Sydney: Just having some trouble picking the lock. My fingers are kinda numb.","Vaughn: Look, you're almost home. Just get inside and plant the bug.","Sydney: That's easy for you to say. It's 20-below out here. You're nice and warm.","Vaughn: I'll tell you what - I'll talk to Langley. See if we can send you someplace warm next time.","Sydney: It should have a beach.","Vaughn: (laughs) Absolutely. I'll find a bad guy who owns a really nice beach resort. And you'll have to go undercover for like, a month. You know what? That sounds pretty dangerous. Maybe we both should go.","Sydney: (laughs) You'd do that for me?","Vaughn: Hey, we're in this together, right?"],"Show Title":"Alias","Episode Number":"05x06","Episode Title":"Solo","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"All_American_02x03.json","Recap":["Spencer gives his Dad an ultimatum about his new player, but after talking to Jordan, Spencer has a better understanding of what is really bothering him. After Coop shows off her rapping skills at school, she becomes more confident in her ability and decides to enter a freestyle battle. Olivia reluctantly joins the So Cal Muse group with Laura's encouragement, but Olivia learns that this might help create her own identity. Meanwhile, Layla is still not acting like herself and Spencer grows concerned after what he sees."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","BILLY: I hope y'all got losing out your systems. Coming from the coach who walked out on us.","KID: Hey, Snitch. I knew some people would have a beef with you helping the cops take down Tyrone, but come on.","- SPENCER: Who's this?","- GRACE: This is Micah.","MICAH: I'm a teaching assistant. Your mom is one of our best students. You date all your students?","COREY: I've asked Spencer to come play - for me at south Crenshaw.","- GRACE: You what? This new kid Coach Corey brought in from Nevada ain't no joke. Maybe Chris ain't the only one about to be replaced.","COREY: You my son. That ain't changed. I always wondered why you never came home. Now I know.","SPENCER, VOICE-OVER: I always wondered why you never came home, why you ain't missed your family. Now I know. - You didn't miss us - BILLY: Spence.","SPENCER, VOICE-OVER: 'Cause you replaced us.","BILLY: Earth to Spencer. Come on, now. You with us?","- SPENCER: Yes, Sir.","- BILLY: All right. Check this out, y'all. As far as I'm concerned, whatever happened the other day in that 7-on-7 opener never happened. All right, forget about that. Flush it. Matter of fact, flush the memory of y'all being State Champions because today we start over. Today we start anew. Today we have a clean slate.","COREY: No clean slate! I don't want you to ever forget the way you felt the day you lost that state title, watching Beverly celebrate on your field! Now you take all those moments and let that be the fuel to steer you back to reclaiming that state title!","- ASHER: Coach.","- BILLY: Sure? What about captains? It's always been tradition to name them before Spring League. Not this year. Not until I see a few of y'all step up and hold your teammates accountable for missing practices. Now bring it in so we can get back to work. New chant on 3.","[SCENE_BREAK]","- COREY: Never lose, never again!","- TEAM: Never lose, never again!","- COREY: From here on out!","- TEAM: From here on out!","- COREY: Let's get that win!","- TEAM: Let's get that win!","- [REPEATING.]","COREY: Whose house?","- TEAM: South Crenshaw!","- COREY: Let's go, baby.","- [TEAM CHEERS.]","BILLY: Faster.","Faster.","COREY: Come on now! Bring it to me. Go! Go now. Good work.","BILLY: That's bad. Faster, faster.","- COREY: Come on now.","- BILLY: Get it, get it, get it. - Faster!","- COREY: Come on now. Slow and steady gets you ready!","JORDAN: Damn it.","BEAU YOUNG PRINCE: Two chains on my neck One for now and one for later If we don't play fair, baby, we play for keeps How you pass me up? This is not a bye week I'm looking for a trophy, competition Looking steep, yeah, I'm training I been focused MAN: That was a great catch, Spence! That was good. Pull the chain, try to get 'em out the way Pull the chain, I'm about to win the game - BILLY: Oh, that's on you, Ash. - Come on now. championships, all my records go That ball was low, Coach. Come on, man. You know the rules. If the ball touches your hands, you can make the catch.","DARNELL: Hike! anybody, take 'em, I can shake 'em I invite 'em to the fire Then I bake 'em, I'ma break 'em I'm a hall of fame legend They should go and hang my Jersey Ha ha! Yeah! That's all I need to see from y'all today! Ha ha! Great work, gents!","DARNELL: You know, actually, Coach, if you're cool with it, me and a couple of receivers, we're gonna hang back, put in some extra work, get our timing down, footwork. Move the chains, I'm about to win the game Move the chains, baby, tryin' to move the chains - Yeah - [ECHOES.]","[PLAYER GRUNTS, WHISTLE BLOWS.]","Run that back, baby boy. That's the last play. Offense needs to finish strong. I threw 4 touchdowns today. That's pretty strong in my book, all right? Plus, my team is wiped. I say we call it for the day. All right.","[OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]","BILLY: Good job, y'all.","Wrap it up. Good job. What? Coach.","ROCHELLE: Number 11, got some time to talk? Hey, what up, Rochelle? This is my dad, Cliff Mosely Lead booster and lead member of your ever-expanding fan club. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir. Mosely Capital, right? Oh, so you're familiar with my work. My mom's taking a course on Urban Planning. She listens to all your podcasts. \"Find out where people are going and buy the land before they get there\" One of her favorite quotes. Yeah, mine, too. Nice job out there today, Spencer.","- SPENCER: Thank you.","- CLIFF: We got to get that dinner on the books one of these nights.","CLIFF: Um, excuse me. Yes, Sir. As if my dad could not be more impressed. All he talks about is how you singlehandedly changed the culture at Beverly. No. We all did. Just a small part of the wave. Sure about that? 'Cause after what I just saw today at practice, Beverly should be thanking their lucky stars you're not at South Crenshaw anymore.","[KNOCKS ON DOOR.]","Coach Baker. Cliff. My man. What's happening? Ooh. Spencer James. Whoo! He's better than advertised. I hate that I was away on business most of the season. Watching a streamed feed of the game does his talent no justice. Yeah. Every day, I'm amazed. So, uh, how long are you here for this time? A while. You know, it gives me a chance to get more involved in our football program.","- BILLY: Oh, OK.","- CLIFF: I'm still in the shadows, for the most part, but I think it's time that I was seen as something more than just a checkbook.","- BILLY: OK.","- CLIFF: Hey, uh, you excited about 7-on-7?","Yeah, man, yeah. I am. We need a little bit more work, but I think our boys are gonna be OK. There's nothing to worry about. Offense will be fine, running on all cylinders as soon as Jordan knocks off the rust. Sure, yeah, and, uh, as soon as he gets the extra help he needs from those other receivers. Well, it's a good thing you got a few weeks till the next game.","- BILLY: Yes.","- CLIFF: More than enough time to get things cleaned up with those receivers. Yup. You know, we'll be in touch.","OK.","Good to see you, man.","- CLIFF: All right, you, too.","- BILLY: Good to see you. Ha ha! Coach Baker!","OLIVIA: Wait, Jordan ended practice? Yep. The vibe between him and your pops on that field right now is bananas. Obviously, coach Baker going easy on him out of guilt. And Jordan's testing the boundaries, seeing how much he can get away with. Surprise, surprise. The more he allows Jordan to question his authority, the more everybody else gonna do the same. And once that happens, it's over. Our team is as good as done. Great. Yet another reason pushing you towards choosing South Crenshaw. I ain't exactly feelin' them, either. Oh, yeah, 'cause of Darnell. Are you ready to talk to your dad yet? And say what?","[SIGHS.]","I'm sorry. I just I know the whole Darnell thing sucks. Look, 7 years raising another man's child is a long time.","[CELL PHONE CHIMES AND VIBRATES.]","- OLIVIA: What is it?","- SPENCER: It's Chris.","His doctor cleared him to run again. Barring any setbacks, he should be good for the season opener this fall. I mean, that's amazing. Good for him. And before you say anything, him breaking up with you had nothing to do with his progress, a'ight? Wait. But with Darnell on the team, will Chris even have a QB1 spot to go back to? Let me worry about that.","DISTANT BOY: Hey, yo!","[OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]","Guess who I just exchanged numbers with. Who? Mrs. Janelle Cooper.","- COOP: Moms hit you up?","- PATIENCE: Yup.","- COOP: Wow.","- PATIENCE: I know. Got through to your mom, so At least she's trying. Good to see one of us still making friends. Ever since that whole snitch thi My circle done got smaller and smaller. Who cares? You got me, you got Spence, your parents. I think that's a pretty good circle. - Mmm.","- [KISS.]","OK?","Mm-hmm.","BOY, RAPPING: He got on his \"I do all my homework, too\"s You really askin' for it, I got to lyrically injure you Why you still wearin' this book bag from middle school I'm a prince, but my rain ain't purple Yo, since when did Erik weak ass start bullying cats? I ain't been M. I. A. From school that long. All you're really missin' is a flag with a rainbow Why you quiet? You ain't makin' no noise COOP: Naw, this is nonsense. I got to dead this.","ERIK: I guess that mean I'm right, he really do like boys COOP: Hey, yo, man, what the hell is your problem? Oh, so now the snitch want to take up for all the fools.","- BOY: Ha ha!","- ERIK: Man, whatever. Miss me with that. The only thing funny is them wack-ass bars you spittin'. Bitch, what you say?","[SCOFFS.]","\"Bitch\"? Hey, listen, first of all, tell your barber to go back to school.","[RAPPING.]","That fade wack, you push back And stepped on like them damn shoes Pick on somebody your own size, your own kind Broke, ugly, with a \"I just need some bread\" sign You're not tough, you can stop it 'fore I run all in your pockets Make you really show me gangsta, Do it right here while they watchin' - BOY: What?","- COOP: Yeah, I thought so, boy. Now go to class, go and learn somethin', boy And watch your mouth 'cause you ain't grown, li'l boy Now run and tell 'em Coop did it. Who are you kiddin'? You know I do this for a livin' - [STUDENTS MURMURING.]","- PATIENCE: Damn. I'm sorry, but you You just got cooped.","[LAUGHTER AND CHATTER.]","STUDENTS, CHANTING: Cooped!","You got cooped! You got cooped!","You got cooped PATIENCE: You see this?","[TRUNK LID SLAMS SHUT.]","You still here. 7 days of silence. Now you want to talk? What, I can't get a few days to myself, some time to process the real reason you abandoned your family after 8 years? One thing I can count on is you will always speak your mind, son. Hey, whatever, man. You still want me to come play for you at South Crenshaw or what? Of course I do, but more importantly, I want to make things right between me and you. I can give you both, under one condition. Send Darnell back to Nevada. Wait a minute, son. Are you giving me an ultimatum? Ever since you got back, all you've done is given me ultimatums, so yeah. Either me or Darnell. So how was practice with dad? Great. You know, just calling more audibles, being more vocal, you know, basic stuff. Emotionally shaking dad down? Admit it. You are preying on his guilt, using your powers for evil. What?","LAURA: Hey, Liv, I have something I think would be really good for you. In fact, it has you written all over it.","- OLIVIA: \"Sola Muse\"?","- LAURA: Yeah, they help you develop your leadership skills and they do philanthropic work in the community, and it would look really good on your college applications.","OK.","And the best part is there is a cotillion at the end of the year to celebrate your efforts.","JORDAN, CHUCKLING: Wait, wait, wait. Oh, wait. Olivia at a cotillion? You mean, like debutantes and gowns and the little white gloves? Oh, man! This is gonna be too good, Liv.","[CHUCKLES.]","Yeah, I don't I don't know, mom. I'm still not seeing the part that has me written all over it. Come on. Community outreach, a strong desire to help others in need? That is so you. Come on, honey, just give it a shot, and if you don't like it, you can at least say you tried.","[DOOR OPENS.]","GRACE: Micah?","I thought that was you. Hey.","[CLOSES DOOR.]","Hey. I I haven't seen you around since winter break. I'm no longer doing the teaching assistant thing.","- GRACE: Good for you.","- MICAH: You know, I tried calling and texting, I mean, a few times, but I never heard back. Sorry about that. My life got a little complicated. You know, you could have just told me that instead of ghosting me, right?","- GRACE: Yeah.","- MICAH: So, OK, look, um, I'm glad to see you're doing well. Take care.","[SIGHS.]","CHIEF WAKIL: What you know about this good life?","If it ain't this, it don't look right Oh. Oh, we're doing it like that.","OK.","- LAYLA: Mm-hmm.","- SPENCER: Let me see.","I hear what sounds like earrings bouncing off your sunglasses, so this must be my new bae.","H. E. R. ?","Uh, flattering, but no.","OK.","All right. Check this out. I smell flowers. Peonies? Wait. You know what peonies smell like? Hey, low key, boy knows his way around a garden. All right, I took horticulture last semester. It was the only elective.","[GIGGLES.]","- LAYLA: What?","- SPENCER: Nothing.","You've just been kind of distant the last few days. I figured you were still mad over all the questions about your pops. No, we're good. OK, so when'd you buy the new perfume? Uh, not me. My dad. The perfume, the earrings, got a new wallet full of cash. All very expensive bribes.","OK.","Those bracelets a bribe, too? Uh, no, I just Something I got for myself. What's the point of having cash if you can't spend it, right? Damn. It's like that, Kylie Jenner? Heh! Look, if there's one thing I learned from quitting Stu-Co - SPENCER: Mm-hmm?","- LAYLA: It's, like, you got to live, Spencer, you got to be selfish, you got to do what makes you happy, like you thinking about getting rid of Darnell.","[CHUCKLES.]","Speaking of things that make us happy KALI UCHIS: Dimelo, dimelo, dimelo [GIGGLES.] All I hear is sirens Wait, wait. Class about to start. - Would you be a tyrant?","- [LAYLA GIGGLING.]","- If I gave you power - SPENCER: Layla, I can't believe I'm saying this, but we've got to slow down. I missed you. Baby, I missed you, too, I missed you, too, but we ain't got time for this. Of course we do. Your lovin' is like a kaleidoscope [SCHOOL BELL RINGS.] Oops. Guess we don't.","- SPENCER: Oh, sh - [LAYLA GIGGLING.] Round and round and round and round and Ooh I'm going round and around and around, going down, down Oh, dude, they're having a day party at Max's on Monday. Starts around 4:00. OK, yeah. We're there.","ASHER: Not to be that guy again, but we'll still be at practice. Yeah, OK, and I'll just call it early again.","ROCHELLE: You sure calling practice again early is a good idea, Jordan? - Question.","- JORDAN: Hmm?","ROCHELLE: What happened to the Jordan Baker who threw for 292 yards and 3 touchdowns at State Championship? What, is he still too busy chasing thot pockets from winter break? Yeah, word gets around fast. Look, what does it matter to you, Rochelle, all right? Shouldn't you be focused on your intern job at that agency? Look, I'm still Beverly for life, and more importantly, I have pride. Maybe you guys should play with that a little more. Bye. She's not wrong. Oh, god. You, too? I figured, with your dad being back, you'd be more committed to the team. Honestly, you've become kind of a distraction, man.","JORDAN: You're calling me a distraction after everything you put our team through last season, really?","- JJ: Hey, Jordan, come on. Easy.","- ASHER: No, he's right, and I have to live with those mistakes every damn day, but that was then, OK? Right now, I'm working like crazy to be the best teammate and leader that I can be. That's why I'm on the field every day after practice, grinding. Same way you and I used to get after it when we were freshmen. No one's gonna be able to question my dedication. Will they be able to say the same about you?","COOP: That fade wack, you push back And stepped on like them damn shoes Pick on somebody your own kind, your own size Broke, ugly, with a \"I just need some bread\" sign - COOP: Mmm! Mmm!","- SPENCER: Whoo! Ha ha ha! Kid, your girl's a viral legend. I don't know if 200 likes qualifies as a viral legend.","COOP: Man, whatever. I take this kind of love - over being called a snitch any day.","- SPENCE: Fact. You tell Spence that you're doing \"off the dome\"? You're joining the Freestyle Battle here Saturday night? Yes, Sir. Hey, the grand prize is $500, bro. That could go a long way towards studio time.","- SPENCER: You sure?","- COOP: Definitely. I mean, checking some bully in school is one thing, but going up against some legitimate rappers who've been battling for a minute now, that's completely different. Yo, I'll be good. It's legit, like amateur night. OK, I might as well go in there, shoot my shot, and see what happens. OK, uh, you guys want some refills?","- COOP: Please. Thank you, baby.","- SPENCER: I'm good.","[MUSIC PLAYING.]","Here I go, here I go, here I go - SPENCER: What?","- COOP: What? Your leg been shaking since we got here, and you only do that when you got to tell me something, but you don't know how to say it, so what's up? Look, I told my pops that if he wants me to come play for him at South Crenshaw, he got to send Darnell's ass back to Nevada. Hold up. You did what? Chris is gonna be back soon, a'ight? He's the QB1, not Darnell. How will I look, not having Chris' back after everything I put him through? Man, shut up. This is not about Chris. This is about you making your daddy choose between his two sons.","SPENCER: Darnell is not his son.","COOP: And you're not Billy Baker's son, but you still consider him family, don't you? What did miss grace say about all this, or did you not tell her? Of course you didn't 'cause you and I both know that whole ultimatum junk was some straight-up nonsense. Look, bro, that's not you. I don't care how mad you are. That's not you. I'm tired of being a runner-up in my father's life, Coop. I get it, I do, but let me ask you something. Say your dad does choose you. What's waiting back home for Darnell? How do we know it ain't some old crazy situation?","[KNOCK ON DOOR.]","[SCOFFS.]","My pops home? Nah, he stepped out for a little, but you can wait in here if you want. No, I'm good. You leaving? Yeah, well, look, man, the only reason why I came out here was to play ball for Corey. The last thing I wanted to do was drive y'all apart. Catching the bus back to Nevada tomorrow. What? You ain't got nothing to say? I mean, 'cause this is what you wanted, right? Hey, you remember that receiver from Porter Ranch who shredded us for 3 touchdowns last season?","- BILLY: Uh, Tony Wright?","- CLIFF: Yeah. A. D. Hart just put in a request for his transfer. Hey, hold up.","[GRUNTS.]","My athletic director put in a request? At my strong suggestion, yeah. Wright will be here on Monday. And nobody thought to check with me about this? We thought you'd be ecstatic; you were the one throwing every receiver not named Spencer James under the bus the other day. No, that was me commenting on practice. Look, look, this is my team. You know, if there's a leak in the ship, then I'ma be the one to patch it up. Look, here's the hard reality, Billy. Coaches come and go, OK? This isn't your team. This is Beverly's team, which effectively makes it my team, given my position as lead booster. Now I warned you, more than a checkbook, remember? Uh, do you stab all your friends in the back like this? Because you were on the Hiring Committee. You picked me to lead this team, so when When did I lose your confidence? You haven't, and as long as you're OK with this budding partnership, you're still in good standing. Monday.","CLIFF: It's gonna be a really good day on Monday.","[VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECTS.]","I thought you said you needed to talk.","- SPENCER: Hey, my bad, man.","- JORDAN: Yo, for what? For turning your world upside down when I moved here. I don't think I ever really apologized for that. What? Who cares? That was months ago. I mean, yeah, we had some drama in the beginning, but we found a way past it. Look, you're You're family now, Spence. How exactly did you get past it? Dude, seriously? Why you all up in your feelings right now? We're in the middle of Jordan. My My bad.","OK.","Um, look, I guess I just got to know you for who you really are, you know, and eventually it clicked that my beef was never really with you. It was about me and my dad and our issues. Well, plus Heh! Every single time Ash and I tried to blow up your spot and get you sent back to Crenshaw, it just kept biting us in the ass. Yeah. Yeah, y'all really got me drunk before I had to show off for those boosters. We did, didn't we? Yeah. Y'all crazy, man. Fun times. Hey, what You out of here already? Yeah, man. I'll be back. I got to handle something that ain't sittin' right.","OK.","Hey, real quick, do you think I'm being a distraction to the team? 100%, but I get it. You and Coach still working through your issues. No different than me and my pops.","[SNIFFS.]","It's kind of cute in here.","OK.","We're off to a decent start. Nice.","OK.","I take that back. They are all dressed in white. What in \"The Stepford Wives\" is going on? Please give me a reason to back out. I will swing by and help you with something, anything. Nice try. Now's not really a good time. I've actually got some errands to run. Well, if you don't hear from me in a few hours, send a search party. We just go right in there. Oh. Sorry. - Hey. - Oh. You out already? Yeah. Wait. I know you. You're Spencer's ex. I would love to be known as something other than that. I'm sorry. Um, Olivia. We met at the park cleanup. Yeah, I remember. You going in? Uh, not anymore. Kind of not dressed for the occasion. That's what I get for not reading the brochure. Not having dressed appropriately these women can forgive. Standing them up? Not so much. Come on. You'll be fine.","Full disclosure: I'm only doing this for my mom. I get the sense that this is her way of proving she can raise me anchored to my black culture without my dad around.","OK.","Mrs. Baker. I hear that. Me, on the other hand, I had no choice. I'm third generation. Both my mom and granny were Cotillionaires. Our family's big on tradition. That's awesome. Good evening, Cotillionaires. Welcome to Sola Muse. Just stopping by to give you your questionnaire packets. So feel free to fill it out here or when you get home. Thank you. Thanks. First question up, who are you? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I answered this short essay question in third grade. Ha ha! And what do you see as your contribution to the world? That's easy. Progress for our people.","[DOGS BARKING.]","- Darnell just left? - Yup. Insisted on getting hisself to the bus station. For the record, I didn't choose between either of you. It was Darnell's decision to go back home. Why? Seeing the strain him being here was causing our relationship, he felt he should leave. I couldn't talk him out of it. So he just back with his mom? You really care? Yeah, actually, I do. His mother, Renee, she doing a tour overseas. Good woman. Means well. But she just loves being a soldier more than she loves being a mother Her words. So Darnell goes back home to his mother's house alone. Getting by the best way he knows how. I'm sorry, Dad. I was hurt, and I was angry, and It was just easier to blame Darnell. I know, son. I had a feeling you'd come here first. I did the same thing the night before I enrolled at Beverly. At least you got a chance to play. I was just getting warmed up. Hey, look, bro, I wasn't trying to mess up y'all's life. You got to understand that. Your pops, man. He changed the game for me. Not having a father around for the first 9 years of my life forced me to grow up. It wasn't until I met Corey that I learned how to be a son for the first time. He gave me someone I could count on. Kind of like my coach at Beverly did for me. Look, man, your home is clearly with Corey, which makes Crenshaw your home now, too. You should stay. Heh. Now, you You sure? My beef ain't with you.","RAPPER: Money, money, money on the floor On the floor Baby, can I tell you something? You's a pro I'ma, I'ma throw it up and let it float Let it float I'ma, i'ma throw it up and let it float Hey, Preach, what's up? I didn't know you did security here. Why would you? Forget it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Look, it's a legit job. Keeps my parole officer off my ass, not that that's any of your business. Hey, we should probably get one of those tables because you're, like, the first one hitting the stage.","- COOP: Yeah.","- PREACH: Ha ha! You battling tonight? Since when did you become a rapper? Why you laughing? Music's always been my thing, bro. You don't believe me? Look up \"You got Coop'd. \" I went viral. Yeah, whatever. The girl's good, so M. C. : Yo, yo, yo. What's good, L. A. ?","[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]","I'm your host for the most lit freestyle battle in the city, and we about to go up tonight. All right. Look, first rule of off the Dome Saturday There are no rules. Everybody's fair game. Talking mamas, grandmamas, even baby mamas.","[LAUGHTER.]","Look, this is how it's gonna go. I'm gonna line up two rappers at a time. Each rapper gets 20 seconds to spit they bars, and when they done, y'all decide the winner by cheering loud as hell. You feel me?","- [CHEERING.]","- Let's hit it. First two rappers up is Coop and Professor Koo Koo! All right, Coop. Go, go, go, go, go! - Here you go. - Whoo!","- PATIENCE: All right, Coop.","- SPENCER: Go, Coop.","COOP: DJ, let's get it.","[MUSIC STARTS.]","Yo. Yo, you tried to take it, no, you didn't do it And word around town, the kook already blew it Koo Koo washed up, I'm saying your time's up I'm sayin' the best stuff, I'm making my mind up I went and got me a pen, i put it over on the pad If I don't promise you nothing I promise I'm uppin' my bet, so takin' my spot? No, you will not deny, go, like pressure busts pipes For certain, I'm gonna blow now Jugs machine? Really? It's reliable. It doesn't make excuses. It's always willing to work. What's not to love? Yeah. But I mean, there's nothing about it that really says \"jugs,\" you know?","[LAUGHTER.]","Yo, let me see that rock. It's time to work. Set. Go!","JORDAN: Whoo-hoo! Ha ha! Just like old times, baby!","RAPPER: Yo, yeah The look on your face is a scared one 'cause I'm on that ass, i ain't lettin' up It's feeling like somebody set you up Just tap out when you think you've had enough Look, I ain't come here to make friends So we do not have to pretend I know all you all will remem-ber The day Kim nitty went in [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]","M. C. : Yeah, yeah, yeah. You all know the deal. Whose bars was you feeling the most? Kim Nitty?","[CHEERING.]","Or the winner of the first two rounds, Coop?","[LOUDER CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]","Coop again. Hey, big ups to you for making it to the final round.","[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]","[CHANTS OF \"COOP\".]","- LAYLA: Whoo!","- SPENCER: Keep it going.","Do you hear that? They're loving you! Yo, I got to be honest, I did not think it would be that easy. It ain't nobody here on my level. Nope. We not doing that. You got a whole nother round to go. Yeah, I'm with Spence. Secure that bag. Listen, I'm just saying, the better the competition, the more that money feels earned. I'm trying to get my name out there, ok? Don't nobody want to hear about no girl that won first prize at a weak-ass rap battle.","- SPENCER: Will you chill?","- LAYLA: Here.","- COOP: I'm chilling.","- SPENCER: What are you doing? I'm adding to the Grand Prize. Maybe someone here can actually give the Coop the competition she needs. It's not that deep, all right? Put your money away. Ok. Easy there. It's my money. I'll do what I want. How much do you want me to add?","[SCENE_BREAK]","LAYLA: Ok.","1,500 for an even 2,000. - You serious? - Yeah. Two stacks for the Grand Prize? You can't walk up there with all that money. You don't know who's watching. Ok. Um, you're right. Money's not enough of a sweetener. Oh! I'll add in studio time with my dad. - Layla - I'll be right back. L Layla?","[CHUCKLING.]","what? Yo, two racks and studio time with her daddy? She got it like that? I guess so. Look, if you win, you got to give her all that money back, all right? Why? Ok. Whatever. I'm keeping the studio time, though.","M. C. : Yo, yo, quick announcement. Big ups to homegirl over there, Layla Keating. Because of her, Grand Prize tonight has gone from 500 to 2,000!","[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]","Hold up. Hold up. And as a bonus, the winner also gets free studio time with legendary producer J. P. Keating.","[CHEERING.]","And we gonna switch things up. Coop, it's me against you. Coop, let's go. You got it, Coop. Come on, Coop. Come on! You got this. Come on, Coop. You got this. Go, Coop.","LAYLA: Whoo!","- PATIENCE: You got this.","- SPENCER: You got it. First or second? I've been first all night, brother. Go ahead. Ok. One chance to study the competition. All good.","[MUSIC STARTS.]","Yeah, right off the bat Hangin' out with the cat Lining your raps No, you tyin' on them straps Gay as the rainbow, but you supposed to be black And your family don't want you They deny you, in fact Look, word on the town now You snitchin' to them peoples, too Got preach shot 4 times And you're the reason, Coop We don't believe in you Deceivin', and you think it's cute I should beat your, uh! Just for selling all them dreams you do You gave Shawn up They killed him just because of that Now somebody got to tell his mommy That his son is dead And that's more than sad You feeling dumb? , my bad 'cause now his daughter like \"when my daddy comin' back? \" And your best friend rollin' with you Should watch his ass And your girlfriend Patience Way out of your weight class Still the drama's not to be misunderstood That you're the grim reaper of the hood CROWD: Ooh!","[SCATTERED APPLAUSE.]","It's ok. Come on, babe. You got this.","SPENCER: Got this, Coop. Ain't none of that true.","[MUSIC STARTS.]","\"The grim reaper. \" Damn. Just keep it moving, Preach. Hey, hip hop's a dirty game. I saw a lot of homies get lost in the sauce chasing that fame. There was one homie in particular who had what it took, but when it was time for him to get on that stage and perform for the first time, he froze. I saw that same look on your face tonight when homeboy went in on you. So what you trying to say? Maybe this music thing ain't for you. Let me ask you something, Preach, why you even care? I thought we wasn't family no more. We ain't. I just thought you maybe needed a little game. By telling me to quit? By telling you to keep your options open. You're a little bit like me, Coop. You got some hustle in your blood. Just see what else is out there. Ready to bounce? You know what? You right. I do got a lot of hustle in my blood, and I ain't never gonna give up on my dream. It's gonna take more than tonight to break me. And you, of all people, should know that.","SPENCER: Hey. You're just in time. I have midterms next week. Would you mind being my study buddy again tonight? You know I got you, mom.","[CLEARING THROAT.]","Here you go. Uh, yeah. This This is like Japanese to me. You sure you wouldn't be better off with somebody else like I don't know Micah? Mm-hmm. Not subtle. I just ain't seen him in a minute. Why'd he disappear? Oh, things got complicated the minute Hurricane Corey blew into town. So you and Micah broke up. Not for sure we were ever at that point. Look, I know when dad left, you made a choice to put me and Dillon first, and we love you for that. But it's time to put yourself first for a change. I've done it. Dillon's done it. Even dad has done it. It's your turn, ma.","[KNOCK ON DOOR.]","Hey, man. Hey, what's up, coach? My bad for showing up unannounced. You got a few seconds? Yeah. Hey, Gracie. Hey, Billy. Uh, look, I don't want to put any more pressure, put any more You need to know if I'm transferring back to South Crenshaw. Yeah. I mean, I'm just putting my team back together. So I need to know what pieces I'm gonna use. Look, no offense, but you got bigger problems than me, man. You cannot keep letting Jordan slide. Oh. Right. Well, that's that's complicated. Not really. You want your son back, so you're going easy on him. I get it, but I know for a fact that Jordan misses his coach, the tough, demanding coach that pushed him to become a State Champion. He needs that guy on the field. Once you get that back, you can focus on becoming father and son again but off the field, on your own terms. Ok. But I, uh You still haven't answered my question. Have you made a decision? Actually, I have. Ok. Good morning, sweetie. How was the social? And, listen, if you hate it, you do not have to go back. I just really appreciate you trying. No. Actually, it wasn't that bad. Oh! It actually made me realize something. What? The other day I was asked a very simple question: Who am I, and what has been my contribution to the world? And I realized i had no clue. My whole life has been defined by being tethered to something or someone else Addiction, being ex-NFL star Billy Baker's daughter, being one-half of a twin. Well, Sweetie, that's not all that defines you. It feels that way. I have spent so much time consumed in other people's identities that I've never taken the time to carve out my own. Well, then start today. Figure out who you are and just know that whatever you discover, I will be equally as proud of that Olivia as I am of the one sitting in front of me right now.","[KNOCK ON DOOR.]","Hey. Just in time for breakfast. Let me fix you a plate. Nah, I'm good. I'm good. I can't eat right now. You ok? Uh, I've finally decided where I'm gonna play this fall. I'm choosing you to be my father, not my coach. Our relationship is the most important thing to me right now. I I just want to be your son. And I don't want football getting in the way of that. So I'm gonna stay at Beverly. Look, I seen what this has done to Coach Baker and Jordan, and I don't want You needed to see me? Yeah. I, uh, I just blocked Tony Wright from coming to Beverly. I just wanted to give you a heads-up face to face. You know, above board, professional way of handling things. Well, 5-star receivers are in abundance around here. I'll just shake a tree and find another one. - Ok, I'll block them, too. - Oh. Contrary to what you may believe, this is still my team, Cliff. And last time that i checked, I got us all a State Championship. Spencer James led them to a championship. Who do you think brought him here? Me. I did that. But at the end of the day, your fellow boosters, all of whom have voiced their support in me, they know what it takes to run this team, and it ain't a checkbook. So you can see your way out. For the record, Billy, you were never my choice to be Head Coach.","SINGER: West Side, get money, make money Make money Yo, I've been thinking. Don't you see me eating? Listen, you need legit sources for money, and I could really use some help. So I'm thinking maybe we should just work together. - Doing what? - Selling my music. I want to do it indie-style. You know, mixtapes, just like neighborhood nip did it. I don't know nothing about the music industry. Maybe not, but you damn sure know how to move some product, one that ain't gonna land your ass back in jail either. Where's your music? I'm working on it. Shoot it to me when you're ready. If I like what I hear, then maybe I'll rock with you. Ok.","BILLY: All right, y'all. Gather round real quick. I've had a change of heart. Rare occurrence. Yes, I know. But I've made a decision on who i want to lead as captains for this spring's 7-on-7 league, Spencer and Asher. I'll go over with you two what I expect from the field of 30. You're excused. Congratulations, boys. Well done.","[BILLY CLEARS THROAT.]","Jordan, can I talk with you for a second? Yeah. So, look, I hope you know that I went in a different direction because You don't need to explain, all right? I haven't been acting very captain-like lately. So I get it. Just know I'm gonna earn it back. So I wanted you to hear this from me first. I ain't going nowhere. You're stuck with me at Beverly for at least another year. Nice. \"Nice. \" You might want to turn your excitement down a little bit. I mean, yeah, I'm thrilled you're staying, but I honestly would've been thrilled either way. As long as you're happy, I'm happy. There something you want to talk about? Not really. Ok. Layla, things have been kind of different with you lately. And, my bad, I've been caught up with my own stuff, but I'm focused now. You know, I'm trying to help you. Just talk to me. I don't owe you every thought in my head, Spencer. I'm not saying you do, but I'm concerned, that's all. Ok, I'm fine. I just Look, i need to go. I want to be alone tonight, ok? Good night. - Layla - Damn it, Spencer. Just get out of my car, please. Get out. I'm serious. Get out.","WOMAN: Oh oh oh This is my confession Oh oh oh I'm coming out of hiding Oh oh oh Can't keep Like this"],"Show Title":"All American","Episode Number":"02x03","Episode Title":"Never No More","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"American_Horror_Story_02x01.json","Recap":["In present day, a newlywed couple, Teresa and Leo, explore the now-abandoned Briarcliff Manor, a former insane asylum in rural Massachusetts. Flashback to 1964 when Kit Walker is being committed there, accused of being infamous serial killer \"Bloody Face\". Kit protests his innocence and flashes of his scattered memory suggest something far more sinister responsible. At Briarcliff, Kit befriends Grace, a fellow inmate believed to have murdered her family. Journalist Lana Winters trespasses onto Briarcliff, intent on exposing its mistreatment of inmates, so she can gain a better career for her and for her lover Wendy Peyser, a teacher. She is confronted by the tyrannical Sister Jude, who has her committed to the asylum because of her homosexuality . A bitter rivalry is ignited between Sister Jude and Dr. Arthur Arden."],"Transcript":["(Present Day)","(Briarcliff)","(Outside)","Leo: Just look sexy, please.","Theresa: Come on.","Leo: You always look sexy. God, I'm so happy I married you. What are they going to do to me in there?","Theresa: If you stop taking pictures and come inside, we can find out. This place is amazing.","(A pair of newlyweds explore abandoned Briarcliff Manor.)","Leo: You think we're still going to want to bang each other when we're 80?","Theresa: Uh, you better. Otherwise I'm going to leave your a#s.","Leo: Wait a minute. I'm the best you've ever had.","Theresa: Actually, there was this one guy...","Leo: Shut up. Shut up. You are so sexy.","Theresa: Come on. Let's go inside.","Leo: Last stop on the haunted honeymoon tour.","Theresa: Better make it good.","Both: Mm-hmm.","Leo: \u266a Here comes the bride \u266a","(Inside the asylum)","Theresa: (reading up on it on a smartphone) Built in 1908, Briarcliff Manor was the largest tuberculosis ward on the East Coast. 46,000 people died here.","Leo: You think it's haunted?","Theresa: They shuttle the bodies out through an underground tunnel called \"the death chute.\" We should totally do it in the death chute.","Leo: Oh, my God, you are so demented. I love you.","Theresa: What are we going to tell our kids about the honeymoon?","Leo: Tell them the truth. How we visited the 12 most haunted places in America and screwed our brains out in every single one.","Theresa: Or that Mommy's a horror freak and Daddy lives to make Mommy happy?","Leo: Mmm, he does.","Theresa: Mm-hmm. (They kiss.) Come on. Let's keep exploring.","Leo: All right. We got an hour before sunset. Let's make it quick.","Theresa: The Catholic Church bought this place in '62 and turned it into a sanitarium for the criminally insane. Legend has it that once you are committed at Briarcliff, you never got out. Their most famous resident was a serial killer.","Leo: Bloody Face. (The walls are covered in graffiti, including \"Bloody Face.\") (for the camera) Say \"Bloody Face.\"","Theresa: Bloody Face.","Leo: Teresa! You got to see this penny chair.","(They find an old shock treatment room.)","Theresa: Oh-ho. Tie my down. I'm sick, Doctor. Can you help me?","Leo: I don't know. You seem to have a very bad case of morbid erotica.","Leo: Ready for your injection?","(They start having s#x on the table.)","(They hear a noise.)","Theresa: What is that? What is that?","Leo: I don't... um...","Theresa: What is that? Let's go see.","Leo: No, no, no, no...","Theresa: Come on. No, come on. Let's go.","Leo: You're killing me.","Theresa: Promise I'll make it up to you.","Leo: No, you swear we're coming back. Promise me we're coming back.","Theresa: I promise, I promise.","Leo: Okay.","Theresa: Maybe it's Bloody Face.","Leo: Maybe it's just old pipes.","Theresa: You can totally put it in my a#s right now.","Leo: Wow.","Theresa: Oh, come on. I can't see.","(She wants to see through an access panel on a locked door.)","Leo: Hey, take it easy. Take it easy.","Theresa: What, you scared? P#ssy.","Leo: So t#ght. Oh, my God!","Theresa: What? What? What?Oh, you are such a prick. You are such a prick.","Leo: Speaking of which...","Theresa: No, I want to know what's in there. Do it again and I'll bl#w you.","Leo: Give me your phone.","(Leo sticks his hand through an access panel on a locked door to snap a picture. Something flashes in front of the screen and he screams. When he pulls away from the door, his arm has been ripped off.)","-[OPENING CREDITS]-","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Service station.)","Kit (pump attendant): That'll be three dollars even.","Driver: 30 cents a gallon. You think because you're out here in the toolies you can gouge people?","Kit: I don't set the prices, sir.","Driver: Kids get a coloring book?","Kit: Yeah, that be Texaco.","Driver's wife: Come on, Jack. I just want to go home.","Kit: Whoa. Nice. Drive safely. A#shole.","(Kit closes up the service station.)","(Radio:","\u266a Do-da-do-do, bow, bow \u266a \u266a Do-da-do-do, bow, bow \u266a \u266a Do-do-da-do \u266a \u266a There goes my baby \u266a \u266a Moving on down the line \u266a \u266a Wondering where, wondering where \u266a \u266a Wondering where she is bound \u266a \u266a I broke her heart \u266a \u266a And made her cry \u266a \u266a Now I belong \u266a)","(Kit hears a noise.)","Kit: Sign says closed.","(Radio :","\u266a What did I do? \u266a \u266a There goes my baby \u266a \u266a Whoa-oh-oh \u266a \u266a There goes my baby \u266a \u266a There \u266a \u266a There goes my baby, oh-oh-oh... \u266a)","(He goes to investigate and the lights go out.)","Billy: Boo! (Kit sees Billy with a couple other guys.)","Kit: Christ, Billy! Trying to get killed? Do you know what I keeps in this cabinet?","Billy: Look anything like this? (a gun)","Kit: Geez, give me...Give me that.","Billy: Oh, oh, oh, oh, Ooh! We just want to borrow it. N#gger try to mess with Randy's little sister.","Kit: Are you guys insane?","Billy: Come on, Kit. We're just gonna scare him, come with us.","Kit: I'm not going with you guys. And neither is the gun. So, just leave.","Billy: How much is Al paying you these days? I hear you got yourself a maid. That's what I hear anyway. (Billy takes a bite of a chocolate bar.) Mmm. Chocolate.","(They leave, Kit stays alone.)","(Kit returns home to his wife, who is black.)","Kit: Something smells good, Mrs. Walker.","Alma: I'm not to you putting those two words together. But I like it, Mr. Walker.","(They kiss.)","Both: Aw.","Alma: So, how are you?","Kit: Good. How are you?","Alma: I'm good.","(He slips on the wedding ring he hides at home.)","Kit: Let's do it, babe. Let's tell everyone. Come on. We didn't commit a crime. We drove to Provincetown and got married. Your family, my folks - they should know.","Alma: The world will change one day.","Kit: The world is wrong.","Alma: We need to keep it a secret.","Kit: Baby... it makes me feel like I can't protect my own family.","Alma: The roast is just about ready.","Kit: That's not what I'm hungry for. (They get in bed.) I can't take... damn it... Oh, babe.","Alma: I hope you like your beef tough and dry because that's what I want for dinner tonight.","Kit: The first course was delicious.","\u266a Showing off their silver leaves \u266a \u266a As we walked by \u266a","(They kiss.)","Both: Mmm.","\u266a Soft kisses on a summer's day \u266a","Kit: Where you going? Alma :To make you dinner.","Kit: Okay.","\u266a They say that all good things must end \u266a \u266a ...someday \u266a","(Kit sees lights outside.)","Kit: sh1t! Alma, you stay in the kitchen no matter what, you hear me?","(He goes out with his shotgun to investigate.)","Kit: I know you're out here, Billy. Stop playing games.","(There's a bright white light in the sky.)","Alma: Kit!","Kit: Alma!","(He runs inside.)","Alma: Help me! Help me!","Kit: Alma!","(The place is trashed.)","Kit: Alma, answer me! Where are you?","(White light everywhere, along with an ear splitting noise.)","Kit: Aah!","(Windows shatter, the noise stops for a second, then things start to fly to the ceiling. Suddenly, he's yanked up to the ceiling, too, and the noise returns.)","(Kit is probed by little green men.)","(Asylum)","(Main entrance)","Lana: (to the guard)Lana Winters from the Gazette. I'm doing a story on your bakery, and I have an appointment with Sister Jude.","(Garden, a mentally and physically handicapped woman approaches Lana with a rose.)","Pepper: Play with me! Play with me!","(Lana pricked her finger with a thorn.)","Lana: Ow!","Sister Mary Eunice : Pepper, leave the lady alone.","Lana: Oh, it's fine. She was only trying to make friends. It was harmless.","Sister Mary Eunice : She's not harmless. She drowned her sister's baby and sliced his ears off. Follow me, miss.","(Sister Mary Eunice leads Lana inside the asylum.)","Patient : No! No! I don't want to go to bed!","Sister Mary Eunice : Sister Jude calls this her \"stairway to heaven.\"","Patient : Leave me alone!","Sister Mary Eunice : A lady reporter...!","(Sister Judes's office. Sister Jude is shaving Shelley's head.)","Sister Jude : Told you I would come find you, Sister Mary Eunice. Brush yourself off, Shelley.","Shelley : Do you think I'm full of shame and regret for what I've done now, Sister? You could shave me bald as a cue ball, and I'll still be the hottest tamale in this joint.","Sister Jude : (to Sister Mary Eunice) Take her to the common room so the others can witness her newfound immaculacy. And next time, knock. (to Lana) Remind me of your name.","Lana: Lana. Lana Winters. Can I ask what Shelley did? I assume you were punishing her for something.","Sister Jude : I assumed you were here to do a story on our bakery.","Lana: Oh, believe me, no one loves that molasses bread more than I do. I toast it for my breakfast every single morning.","Sister Jude : Shelley was brought to us having been given the preposterous diagnosis by a psychiatrist comparing her to a wood nymph.","Lana: You mean a nymphomaniac?","Sister Jude : Just more nonsense from the charlatans. That young woman is a victim of her own lust. There's no other name for it. Mental illness is the fashionable explanation for sin. You said your name's Lana? After the movie star? Now there's a train wreck of a soul. Jennifer Jones, however, there's a true lady. You've seen Song of Bernadette?","Lana: Oh, it's a classic.","Sister Jude : Yeah.","Lana: But at Briarcliff, I hear you're the true star.","Sister Jude : Oh, no, not me. The monsignor, Timothy Howard. He's the real visionary. Sit down. You make me nervous. You know what this place was just two years ago? A hellhole!","Lana: And I'm told the bakery was your idea.","Sister Jude : It was, but it was based on his philosophy. Well, write it down. He believes the tonic for a diseased mind lies in the three \"P\"s: productivity, prayer, and purification. The bakery's just the tip of the iceberg. Oh, we have such dreams for this place.","Lana: Are all your patients remanded here by the state?","Sister Jude : Not all. The monsignor's a man of charity. You know where most of our wards come from? The ghetto.","(Sister Mary Eunice enters.)","Sister Mary Eunice : They said to tell you that the... Oh, I didn't knock. I'm sorry, Sister.","Sister Jude : You were sent to tell me what?","Sister Mary Eunice : Sent to tell you...","Sister Jude : What?","Sister Mary Eunice : (whispering)The bad person will arrive any minute.","Sister Jude : Thank you, Sister. Well, are we ready for our bakery tour?","Lana: She's talking about the maniac, the killer of those women, isn't she? Bloody Face.","Sister Jude : Bloody Face?","Lana: An eyewitness caught a glimpse of him leaving one of the crime scenes wearing a mask, which appeared to be made of human flesh. I heard he's going to be admitted here today. Is there any way I can meet him?","Sister Jude : You're not in the least bit interested in our good works.","Lana: Our town's in a collective panic. This maniac is decapitating women, three of them so far.","Sister Jude : I see you for exactly who you are.","Lana: Three minutes. Give me three minutes with him, and I swear to God I will write an amazing...","Sister Jude : Swear to God?! It's rich coming from you.","Lana: People want to understand what's in the mind of someone like him.","Sister Jude : There's not a pious bone in your body.","Lana: Where's the harm in that?","Sister Jude : You're out of your depth, Miss Lana Banana. You want a story? Write this down. Your killer is being turned over to us by the authorities until it is determined whether he is fit to stand trial.","(The asylum watches as Bloody Face is brought in: it's Kit Walker.)","(Kit is stripped, showered, de-liced and strapped to a bed.)","Sister Jude : It's an ordeal, I know - our check-in procedures. Though, not a patch on what you put your victims through.","Kit: Sister, I didn't kill anybody.","Sister Jude : The guards have given you over to my care. Not for correction, but for storage while they weigh your fate. This is not a meat locker. Here, you will repent for your crimes to the only judge that matters: the Almighty God.","Kit: There is no God. Not a God who would create the things I saw.","Sister Jude : Your story about little green men? No, never will do here.","Kit: They weren't human. They were monsters.","Sister Jude : All monsters are human. You're a monster. I wonder... did her dark meat slide off the bone any easier than your other victims? (He spits in her face.) You're gonna wish you hadn't done that. (She beats him.)","(Kit walks out into the common area, with welts all over his back and legs.)","\u266a Dominique-nique-nique s'en allait tout simplement \u266a \u266a Routier, pauvre et chantant \u266a \u266a En tous chemins, en tous lieux, \u266a \u266a Il ne parle que du Bon Dieu \u266a \u266a Il ne parle que du Bon Dieu \u266a","Patient : Ass munch!","Shelley : Ooh, Sister Jude is on the warpath!","Kit: Hey, stop it!","Shelley : Can't make the welts go away, but I can make you forget you had 'em.","Kit: The nurse already gave me a salve.","Shelley : A salve can't cure you like I can... in your session in the hydrotherapy room with me. I speak French... and Greek.","Kit: Will you beat it?!","Shelley : He's mine. He's mine!","\u266a Il ne parle que du Bon Dieu \u266a \u266a Certains jours un h\u00e9r\u00e9tique, \u266a \u266a Par des ronces le conduit \u266a \u266a Mais notre p\u00e8re Dominique \u266a \u266a Par sa joie le convertit \u266a","Kit: I can't take this. \u266a S'en allait tout simplement... \u266a","French patient : Don't touch that. (to touch the record player) Any one of them will sell you out. They get a piece of candy, you get another five welts on your ass. It's a rule. As long as the common room is open, the song plays. There's a rule for everything here. I learned them all the hard way, trust me.","Kit: Why should I trust you?","French patient : Because I'm not crazy.","Patient : Hey, Bloody Face, you're him, right? You must be the most dangerous man here. I heard you skinned them alive. The last one, a colored girl. I guess you didn't like her color. (He punches Kit.)","Patients : Fight, fight, fight!","French patient : Get off of him!","Patients : Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!","(Kit fights him off and is beating him when Sister Jude comes in and breaks things up by blowing her shrill whistle.)","Kit: He started it.","\u266a Dominique-nique-nique s'en allait tout simplement \u266a","Kit: No. No!","(In his cell in a straight jacket, Kit thinks of his wife. The French woman brings him food and a cigarette.)","French patient : Psst! Hey, you gotta eat.","Kit: How'd you get back here?","French patient : Kitchen detail. I volunteered. Here.","Kit: Why are you being so nice to me?","French patient : What you put out into the world comes back to you.","Kit: So what'd you put out into the world to get locked up in a place like this?","French patient :They say I chopped up my family. You gonna ask?","Kit: Did you?","French patient : No. Did you murder your wife?","Kit: No, I'm not crazy.","French patient : That's unfortunate. They decide you're sane, you're going someplace way worse than this.","Kit: What could be worse than this?","French patient : You think it's bad not having a chair? Just think of the one they'll strap you into. (They hear a noise.) I'll try to come back later.","Kit: Hey! What's your name?","French patient : Grace.","(In another room. Sister Mary Eunice cries.)","Sister Mary Eunice : He's gone. Willie's gone. There was a medical emergency last night. I didn't even know he was sick.","Sister Jude : Why wasn't I informed?","Sister Mary Eunice : Dr. Arden asked to have him taken directly t-to his wing.","(Sister Jude confronts Dr Arden.)","Sister Jude : I demand you give me access to your laboratory.","Dr. Arden : When the monsignor brought me out of retirement to run Briarcliff's medical unit, we made a gentlemen's agreement.","Sister Jude : Curious, since only one of you is a gentleman. Please look at me when I speak to you.","Dr. Arden : I'm not one of your charges, Sister, quaking in my boots. Do you have any idea what this is?","Sister Jude : It's a plant. A little Elena.","Dr. Arden : This particular strain of Alstroemeria has never existed before. It was created by bombarding the plant with gamma rays. It is an affirmation of the power of science over nature.","Sister Jude : Your little mutation doesn't change the fact that in order for this institution to thrive, I need to manage your operation.","Dr. Arden : Sister... if you could manage to stay out of my business, I'll try and stay out of yours.","Sister Jude : Let's discuss another matter : the patients, four of them, including Willie last night, have disappeared under your supervision.","Dr. Arden : They died.","Sister Jude : That's it? Period? No explanation.","Dr. Arden : Patients committed here suffer not only diseases of the mind, but also of the body.","Sister Jude : Where are the bodies?","(We see a brief flash of someone ravenously eating a plate of food.)","Dr. Arden : Cremated. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Cause of death documented in their death certificates.","Sister Jude : I find it interesting that of all the patients that died since you've been here, none have family. No one to grieve or to ask questions. I think you're lying. And in time, whatever it is you're hiding will come to see the light of day. I've dealt with bigger monsters than you, Doctor. Let me give you fair warning: I'll always win against the patriarchal male.","Dr. Arden : Bully for you.","(Lana's home)","Lana: I am telling you, Wendy, that battle-axe has secrets. Under all that piousness and fidelity... there's a real darkness. Getting high before dinner?","Wendy : Friends Makes your food taste better. If your gut says there's a story, then there is. Blow the lid off the place like Maisel did with \"Bedlam 1946.\" Get yourself a Pulitzer. Problem is... your editor won't let you do it.","Lana: Emmerman's an a#shole. He thinks that Canada geese leaving Chicopee a month early is a Column \"A\" story, and he wants me to write the cooking column.","Wendy : Your cooking is horrible.","Lana: Why do you think I never eat it? I'm not doing this for Emmerman. I write it on my own, and I get it out to Life or Look. This is my shot.","Wendy : I know, baby, and I am behind you 100%. If you need to take some time off to get this story done, I want you to do it.","(Wendy avoids Lana who wants to kiss her.)","Wendy: The blinds are open.","Lana: No one can see. The pot's making you paranoid.","Wendy : You think the PTA is going to be cool if they find out a dyke is teaching little Bobby and Suzie science? I mean, I have to fight to get evolution on the curriculum.","Lana: You're right. I'm sorry. (They kiss.) Anything I do in my life, I can do because you love me.","Wendy : I know, baby. So how are you gonna get in?","(Asylum)","(Sister Jude prepares a special dinner of coq au vin.)","Sister Jude : Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.","Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.","(She puts on a lacy red slip and perfume under her habit to dine with Monsignor Timothy Howard.)","Mgr Howard : You are a rara avis, Sister Jude.","Sister Jude : What does that mean?","Mgr Howard : It means \"rare bird.\" In Latin.","Sister Jude : And it's a compliment or a criticism?","Mgr Howard : It's a compliment. Most women of the cloth feel they have to deny all sensory life when they take their vows.","Sister Jude : No. (She doesn't want wine.) I've renounced spirits.","Mgr Howard : Are you sure? Your cooking reveals an almost decadent palate.","Sister Jude : \"Decadent.\" Is that a subtle reprimand, Father?","Mgr Howard : Oh, you know me better than that. I always say what I mean. I'd appreciate the same from you.","Sister Jude : As usual, you've seen right through me, Father. When you put me in charge here, I thought your faith in me was based on our mutually shared vision of madness as a spiritual crisis, an absence of God.","Mgr Howard : That remains true.","Sister Jude : I want to know where you found... Dr. Arden. He is not a man of God.","Mgr Howard : The Church approved him. He was sent here by people better equipped to judge his godliness than you.","Sister Jude : Say what you will, your rare bird has a nose for rodents.","Mgr Howard : You mustn't be so fearful. It was God, after all, who created both science and Heaven. God put the idea in a doctor's head to create the antibiotic that cured tuberculosis. These are amazing times, if you just look at it in another light.","Sister Jude : There is no other light.","Mgr Howard : We're literally almost on the moon. Our dear departed John F. Kennedy, a Catholic, was elected President. This is a time when anything can happen, if someone wants it enough.","Sister Jude : But what on earth do we want, if not to save souls?","Mgr Howard : Here's... what I want. I want this institution to become a place of such promise and renown that we are asked to be Cardinal of New York.","Sister Jude : \"We?\"","Mgr Howard : Wherever I go, you go. You're my right hand. You'll become Mother Superior, overseeing thousands of nuns who will address you as \"Reverend Mother.\" And then, with God and you on my side... I see no reason why I couldn't ascend to the office of first Anglo-American Pope. You'd enjoy Rome. Wouldn't you, Sister?","(She imagines stripping down to her lacy underthings and climbing on top of him.)","Mgr Howard : I need you to be a team player. The doctor needs full oversight of his domain. You... look after yours.","(Dr. Arden's lab)","Sister Mary Eunice : Can you hear them? They sound like they're getting hungrier.","Dr. Arden : It's to be expected. The weather's changing. They'll need some meat.","Sister Mary Eunice : What are they?","Dr. Arden : Do you trust me? (She nods.)Good.","(Sister Mary Eunice heads outside with buckets and leaves them in the woods. She runs into Lana.)","Lana: You're always in such a hurry, Sister. Why are you out so late at night? Sister Mary Eunice : Oh, please don't tell Sister Jude.","Lana: What is that? Some kind of animal?","Sister Mary Eunice : We can't stay here. We have to go. Ugh...","(Dr Arden visits Kit in his cell.)","Kit: Grace? Ah!","Dr. Arden : All right, son. You shouldn't be locked in here. Not when there's so much to do. (Arden injects him with something.)","(Back in the present)","(Theresa puts a tourniquet on Leo's arm.)","Leo : Am I bleeding out?","Theresa : We got to get you back into town. It's only five miles away. Leo! Leo? Don't fall asleep. Come on, baby. Can you make it to the car? (She tries to drag him to the car.) Come on... Oh! Where's your phone? Is that in your car? Leo! Okay, I'll be right back. (She runs to get his phone from the car, but finds every way out of the asylum is barred or locked.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Asylum)","(Sister Mary Eunice leads Lana through her tunnel shortcut in the woods.)","Sister Mary Eunice :This way. Hurry.","Lana: What is this place? Sister Mary Eunice :It's my shortcut from the woods.","Lana: What were you feeding out there? I guess I'll have to ask Sister Jude. Sister Mary Eunice :Why? Why would you do that?","Lana: She scares you, doesn't she? She scares you to death. You let me look around for five minutes, and I won't tell Sister Horrible about your nighttime forays. Or your secret tunnel.","(Dr. Arden wheels Kit into one of his therapy rooms.)","Dr. Arden : Hello, Mr. Walker. I'm Dr. Arthur Arden. I run this institution.","Kit: I thought Sister Jude ran this place.","Dr. Arden : So does she.","(Sister Jude patrols the hall.)","(Sister Mary Eunice lets Lana look around.)","Sister Mary Eunice :Five minutes, and then you leave.","Lana: Scout's honor. Where are you keeping Bloody Face? Is he in here?","(Therapy room.)","Dr. Arden : There was a time when a fanatic like Sister Jude could have had me thrown in prison for my ideas, tortured. Maybe even castrated like Brother Abelard. These are not the Middle Ages, no matter how tightly the good sister and her brood try to hold on to their fairy tale. No. This is my time now. The time of science.","(Lana and Sister Mary Eunice walk through the men's ward.)","Sister Mary Eunice :Miss, please. Not in here. This is the men's ward.","Mr. Spivey : What's this? Two little chicks, looking for a place to roost?","Sister Mary Eunice : Back to bed, Mr. Spivey. You shouldn't be up.","Mr. Spivey : Oh, I'm up. I made a mess, Sister. You want to see it?","(One flicks feces on Sister Mary Eunice)","Sister Mary Eunice : I'll be right back, miss. Please don't go anywhere.","(She runs off, leaving Lana alone.)","Mr. Spivey : I got more for you, lady.","(Therapy room.)","Dr. Arden : I hope you don't mind if I don't use anesthetic. It interferes with my readings.","(Men's ward.)","Patient : Hey, lady!","(Lana continues to explore and runs into a male orderly being serviced by Shelley.)","Employee : You're not supposed to be in here.","Lana: I guess you better report me then. Unless nobody saw anything. (to Shelley) I'm sorry about your hair. Is this where they're keeping the maniac?","Shelley : Which one?","Lana: Kit Walker.","Shelley : No, he misbehaved. They took him to solitary. He'll have to play with himself for a while.","Lana: Solitary? Where's that? (They hear noise.)","(Lana hides in an empty cell when Sister Jude comes to inspect.)","Sister Jude : Alfred, get your hands out of your pants.","(Therapy room.)","Kit: Why are you doing this to me?","Dr Arden : The devil doesn't reside in hell, Mr. Walker. He lives right here in the frontal gyrus. The occipital lobes. Inside those beautiful brains lies the secret to understanding the darkness of the human psyche. And ten of them put together are not as dark as what resides right here, in this cute, blonde melon.","(Lana continues to explore.)","(Therapy room. Dr Arden hooks Kit up to his machine and recites from the police report.)","Dr Arden : \"Victim was found naked. Preliminary findings indicate that the skinning occurred while the victim was still breathing.\"","(Kit remembers being probed by little green men and sees his wife.)","Alma: Kit!","Kit: Alma!","Alma: Help me!","Kit: Alma!","Dr Arden : You sliced her from the feet up. What did you do with the skin? I'm not here to pass judgment, Mr. Walker. I'm merely interested in methodology. Hello. What's this? (He finds a bulge in Kit's neck and slices it open.) Way too hard to be a tumor. (Dr Arden pulls out a microchip that immediately sprouts legs and crawls off.)","(Lana looks into a cell in solitary.)","Lana: Mr. Walker? Mr. Walker?","(She is grabbed by a large arm.)","(Later, Sister Jude chews out Sister Mary Eunice.)","Sister Jude : You've put everything at risk. Everything. Our reputation, the life's work of our great monsignor, all his future dreams.","Sister Mary Eunice : I used bad judgment, Sister.","Sister Jude : Bad judgment? Like eating too much cake? Is that what you mean, Sister?","Sister Mary Eunice : Miss Winters got me very confused.","Sister Jude : Maybe the sin is mine; maybe my faith in you was nothing but the sin of pride.","Sister Mary Eunice : No, you're not a sinner, Sister.","Sister Jude : I favored you. I coddled you. I refused to see what others saw. When they said you were stupid, I said no, simply, you were more pure than the others.","Sister Mary Eunice : It's not big enough, Sister. (She grabs a larger cane from the closet.) Punish me, Sister, please. I'm so weak and stupid, Sister. Stupid dummy.","Sister Jude : Stand up and get out. I don't have time for this.","Sister Mary Eunice : Too good to me, Sister.","Sister Jude : If I ever hear you call yourself stupid again, I'll cane you bloody.","(Lana wakes up strapped to a bed in a head brace with Sister Jude standing over her.)","Sister Jude : You're awake. I'm so relieved.","Lana: What's going on?","Sister Jude : You had an accident.","Lane Something attacked me.","Sister Jude : You writers, with your very fertile imagination. You took a tumble.","Lana: Get me out of this thing.","Sister Jude : No, no. You mustn't move. You've got a long recovery ahead of you.","Lana: You can't keep me here.","Sister Jude : No?","Lana: There are people who will come looking for me.","Sister Jude : Do you think so?","(Lana's home.)","(Sister Jude meets with Lana's girlfriend.)","Wendy : You said she was hurt?","Sister Jude : While trespassing. You and Miss Winters have a charming home here, Miss Paisa, very cozy.","Wendy: I need to see her.","Sister Jude : But surely, you're not her family?","Wendy: Lana's parents don't speak to her anymore. I-I'm practically family. We're very close.","Sister Jude : Are you now?","Wendy : Like sisters.","Sister Jude : But point in fact, you're not sisters, are you, Miss Paisa? I mean, you have no legal standing.","Wendy : I have a moral standing.","Sister Jude : Moral? There's an interesting word. You're a... spinster, schoolteacher, I take it?","Wendy : I teach the third grade.","Sister Jude : Oh, I admire that. The molding of young minds is a sacred charge. You would never intentionally do anything to put these precious youngsters at risk?","Wendy : Of course not.","Sister Jude : So when you agreed to room with Miss Winters, you couldn't possibly have been aware of her... inversion?","Wendy: Inversion?","Sister Jude : I mean, you would never intentionally expose these little angels to a h#mosexual, would you?","(Asylum. Lana's room.)","Sister Jude : We both know what that so-called monster in the closet really is, don't we, Miss Winters? That's why you've come. Because something in you knew that you needed help.","(Lana's home.)","Wendy : Are you threatening me, Sister?","Sister Jude : It is I who have been threatened, young woman. Your friend gained access to my facility under false pretenses. She had no interest in our bakery. She wanted an inside look into a mental ward, and I intend to see that she gets it.","Wendy : You can't do this.","Sister Jude : Oh, yes, I can. I can do it either by exposing the shenanigans that took place in this love nest, or I can do it discreetly. She will, of course, receive the finest of care.","Wendy: I have no legal standing.","Sister Jude : You are a respected member of this community, at least for now. Your sworn statement along with our professional diagnosis is more than enough for a friendly judge to remand Miss Winters into my custody. It's a small town. A scandal will work just as well. You'll be ruined. You'll never step into a classroom again.","Wendy: Wait! Wait! (Terrified, Wendy signs it.)","(Asylum.)","(Lana's room.)","Sister Jude : We're gonna slay that monster together-- you and I. Morning devotionals are at 6:00 a.m. sharp. No exceptions.","Lana: No! Let me out of here! Come back here, you bitch!","Sister Jude : Chin up. We're gonna get you cured.","Lana: Help me! (Sister Jude closes the door.)","Sister Jude : (to Sister Mary Eunice) Did you manage it?","Sister Mary Eunice : Yes, Sister Jude. (Sister Mary Eunice takes the keys to the men's ward.)","Lana: Help me!","Sister Mary Eunice : Though shalt not steal.","Sister Jude :Well, hopefully, that's the only commandment you had to break in order to get these.","Lana: Come back here!","(Sister Jude finds Dr Arden cleaning a room with disinfectant.)","Dr Arden : Ah, Sister Jude. Come to lend a hand?","Sister Jude :What's going on in here?","Dr Arden : Just a little spring cleaning. Sister Jude :That odor-- what is it?","Dr Arden : Disinfectant. Standard sanitary procedure. Cleanliness is, after all, next to godliness. Sister Jude :Something's been living in here.","Dr Arden : That's absurd. This room has been closed up for years. I'm in need of some extra storage space. I think this will do quite nicely. Sister Jude :Don't think you can pull one over on me, Doctor. I'll ferret it out. Whatever it is you're up to.","Dr Arden : A ferret. Delightful creature. I used to keep one as a pet. Until it bit me, and I broke its neck. You brought me my keys? Thank you.","Sister Jude : You may think my mind is closed, Doctor, but my eyes are wide open, I promise you. You hear me?","(Today. Leo slowly bleeds out on the asylum floor as Theresa continues to look for a way out. She turns a corner and runs into Bloody Face, bulging eyes, torn skin, holding an ice pick. )","-[End]-"],"Show Title":"American Horror Story","Episode Number":"02x01","Episode Title":"Welcome to Briarcliff","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Angel_02x02.json","Recap":["After running across it, Angel is vaguely familiar with an abandoned building, the Hyperion hotel. At his request, Wesley and Cordelia discover that Angel used to be a tenant in the hotel in the 1950s. At that time, Angel was pulled into a sticky situation with a woman hiding her past which lead to an unfortunate end. In the present day, Angel and the team attempt to rid the hotel of its demons."],"Transcript":["Inside Cordelia's apartment. Wesley is holding a black and white photograph of a 1920's hotel building.","Wesley: \"The Hyperion Hotel. It appears to be abandoned.\"","Angel: \"68 rooms, 68 vacancies.\" Wesley hands the picture to Angel: \"California Spanish, deco influence - I'd say built in the late 1920's\"","Angel: \"That'd be my guess. It's just west of here in what used to be the heart of Hollywood. No telling how long it's been empty.\" Cordelia comes out of her kitchen carrying a tray with two cups and a tall glass on it and sets it down on the table.","Wesley: \"From the look of it - years.\"","Angel: \"Hmm.\"","Cordy hands Wesley a cup: \"English breakfast tea. (sets the other cup on the table) Coffee. (hands the tall glass to Angel) O-pos.\"","Wesley sits down: \"Do we suspect it's current condition is due to more than just the tourist trade drying up?\"","Angel: \"Yeah.\" Angel looks at the dark liquid in his glass.","Cordy: \"Something the matter?\"","Angel: \"I - uhm, I-I think its gone bad. It's starting to coagulate.\" Angel sets the glass down.","Cordy: \"Huh? (Cordy picks it up to take a closer look at it.) No. That's cinnamon. (Hands it back to Angel, who gives her a look.) What, I can't try something?\"","Wesley: \"Uh, what's the interest?\"","Angel: \"I need you two to look into the history of it. Find out who owns it now and why they are letting it stay empty like that.\"","Wesley: \"Who's the client.\"","Angel: \"There is no client. (Starts to leave) I'll check back with you later to see what you found out.\"","Cordy sits down: \"Cryptic much?\"","Wesley: \"Angel, this is more than just a sudden interest in real estate.\"","Angel putting on his jacket: \"You'll have to access police files. Focus on cold cases, homicides, unsolved missing persons. Start at the beginning, take it up to the present day.\"","Wesley: \"You believe whatever made this place its home did so for some time.\"","Angel: \"Probably right up to the end.\" Cordy and Wesley look at each other as Angel walks out the door.","Cut to a black and white shot of the hotel behind a fence with a sign reading \"Melman Realty & Development 555-0157.\" The camera pulls closer, passing through the fence. Two old style cars drive down the street in front of the hotel as color slowly fades back into everything. Blend into a bellhop opening the door of the hotel - people walking through the lobby - pan over to the hotel's desk and the manager sorting through some envelopes while a bellhop leans on the counter beside him.","Manager: \"Returned mail from 315. Mr. Ferris really must stop writing to his mother postage-due. (The bellhop picks up the letters from the counter while the manager takes a bottle out of his jacket pocket) Mrs. Miggin's breakfast from Val's liquors. (Hands it to the bellhop) Make sure she makes this one last. They've cut off her credit... And (hands the bellhop a silver tray with a piece of paper on it) the weekly bill for 217.\"","Bellhop: \"W-w-why me? I did it the last time! (The manager is unmoved) Guy gives me the heebie-jeebies. - How about instead of this bill I deliver an eviction notice?\"","Manager: \"We can not evict residents on the grounds of the heebie-jeebies. Now, if we did - we'd have to shut down, wouldn't we?\"","Bellhop: \"Ever look into his eyes? - There's nothing there.\" The manager laughs at him and the bellhop reluctantly gets going. We see the elevator arrive and open on the second floor. The bellhop just stares down the dingy hallway until the door is about to close on him. Puts his hand between the doors, then takes a deep breath and holding the platter out in front of him slowly marches down the hall to 217. Takes another deep breath and knocks on the door ever so softly.","Bellhop in low voice: \"Hello. Bellman. Anybody home? - Okay, I guess you've gone out, so... (Hears a slight noise from inside the room and quickly sets the tray on the floor in front of the door) I'll just leave this, you know, outside your door, and you can pick it up when its, what you call, more convenient.\" Quickly heads back to the elevator, gets inside and repeatedly pushes on of its buttons.","Bellhop: \"Come on, come on, come on.\" The door of 217 opens and the bellhop glances around the closing doors as we see a hand pick up the bill. The camera pans up a pair of dark slacks to a red shirt hanging open over a white T-shirt and up to the man's face. It's Angel, with his hair slicked to the side. Intro. We see the outside of the abandoned Hyperion hotel during the day, then cut to the deserted lobby inside. It's the same place Angel found at the end of the last episode. Angel comes up out of the basement and looks around. We hear a tinny sounding voice, like from an old-style radio or television.","Voice: \" ...that I have to teach this committee the basic principles of Americanism...\" Gavel bangs and another voice interrupts: \"That's not the question! That's not the question. The question is: are you know or have you ever been a member of the communist party?\" First voice as we go back in time to people watching the McCarthy hearings on television in the hotel lobby: \"I'm framing my answer in the only way that an American citizen can frame his answer to this question...\"","Interrogator: \"Then you don't deny...\"","First voice continuing: \"...which is completely invasive...\" Man waves dismissively and walks away from the others still watching. A guy runs after a young blonde storming across the lobby.","Guy: \"Ah, come on, honey! How do you think Lana Turner got started?\" She keeps going - past Angel as he picks up a newspaper as he passes a table and glances through it while he walks across the lobby in the other direction.","Bellhop as Angel passes him: \"Uh, no messages for 217.\" Angel ignores him. The bellhop steps behind the counter as the manager rings the bell and hands something to a bellhop to take to 515 then returns to speak to someone standing in front of the counter.","Manager: \"Yes, I understand what the sign says, but it's wrong. We really have no vacancies at the moment.\" The camera pans around to reveal that he is talking to a well-dressed family of blacks.","Father: \"You're kidding. The sign is wrong. Sure it is. Come on\" Camera pans past them to show us Angel stepping into the elevator, carrying the newspaper and a brown paper bag. He steps out of the elevator. There is a man in a suit standing in the hallway. Angel walks past him and takes out his keys as a door further down opens and two men step out. One fully dressed the other in a housecoat (looking vaguely like Rock Hudson), both of them laughing.","Actor: \"Oh, wait, wait. (Straightens the others jacket) There we go. You look awesome Larry. (They see Angel looking at them and they step apart and shake hands) Good night.\" Larry walks down the hall and Angel and Actor look at each other for a moment before they both step into their rooms. Angel drops his keys and newspaper onto a table and takes a bottle of blood out of the brown bag and sets it beside them. Goes to fill the ice-bucket out in the hallway. Sees a salesman standing in the hallway, talking to someone hidden around a corner.","Salesman: \"Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - I understand. - Of course. (We hear some overlapping whispering voices) I am.\" Angel fills his bucket and looks down the hall to see a guy banging on a door, when he looks back the Salesman is gone. Angel walks past the man, still standing in front of the closed door and enters his room. Locks the door, sticks the bottled blood into the bucket. Senses another presence in the room with him, and puts the lid on the bucket before turning around. A dark-haired young lady wearing a light floral dress steps out of the bathroom.","Judy: \"I'll be finished here in just two shakes, sir.\" Goes over to the bed to straighten the sheets.","Angel: \"You're not the maid.\"","Judy: \"I-I don't know what you mean.\"","Angel: \"You're not a maid in this hotel. There is no cleaning trolley outside the door. Those sheets are dirty. (Steps closer to her and she quits fiddling with the sheets) and you're the wrong color.\"","Judy turns to face him: \"I'm sorry. - Uhm, the door was open, and I was just... I-I didn't mean...\"","Angel: \"I've got nothing here to steal.\"","Judy: \"No. I wasn't trying to steal from you. Honest. I can explain.\"","Angel: \"Not interested. Just go.\"","Judy: \"Uhm - I can't.\" Angel takes a hold of her arm and drags her towards the door: \"I'll help you.\"","Judy: \"Uhm - uhm - my-my boyfriend, he's kind of the jealous type...\"","Angel: \"Maybe you shouldn't go wandering into other men's rooms.\"","Judy: \"Wait, please! He can't find me.\" There is a scratching noise and Angel looks at the door. The lock is slowly turning. Angel pushes Judy against the wall so she'll be behind the door and opens it. The guy that was banging on the door in the hallway is kneeling on the floor a lock-pick in his hands.","PI gets up: \"Where is she? (Angel just looks at him) Look pal, this really isn't something you want to get involved in.\"","Angel: \"That's true. Which is why you're gonna turn around and go away.\"","PI: \"Sorry, I can't do that, partner. Because I know you're hiding her in there.\"","Angel: \"I'm not hiding anybody.\"","PI: \"No? - Then why don't you send her on out here. That way I don't have to come in there and get her.\"","Angel: \"You're not coming in here.\" PI gives a short laugh and takes off his hat.","PI: \"You won't mind if I just come in and take a look around then.\" PI pulls his jacket aside revealing a gun in a holster. Angel looks at it, then back at the PI, finally he lets go of the door. The PI puts his hat back on and saunters into the room - only to have Angel slam the door against his face. The PI stumbles back holding his nose, groaning in pain.","Angel: \"Gee, I guess I do mind,\" The PI tries to go for his gun, but Angel twists his arm up and takes a hold of his ear and escorts him down the hall to the elevator. The elevator opens just as they get there, revealing the bellhop and a cart of luggage. Angel throws the PI into the elevator.","Angel: \"He's going down.\" The bellhop, without saying a word pushes the down button as Angel walks back to his room and Judy standing just outside of it.","Judy: \"Gosh. I mean that was - Gosh. Listen. I know we got off on the wrong foot. My name is Judy.\" Angel walks past her and slams his door shut. Blend into the present day hallway and Angel looking at the door of the room he used to stay in.","Wesley: \"The hotel officially closed its doors on December 16th 1979. On that morning the concierge, Roland Meeks, made his morning wake-up calls with a twelve gauge shotgun, room to room. It's been empty ever since.\" He sits down at the table in Cordy's apartment, next to Cordy who is sitting in front of a laptop.","Cordy: \"According to city records it was declared a protect historical landmark. The Property Management Company that owns it has been trying to unload it for ten years - no buyers.\"","Wesley: \"Mmm, no wonder. Even a cursory inspection of these records indicates a storied legacy of murder of mayhem dating back to the hotel's construction in '28, when a roofer leapt to his death taking two coworkers with him.\"","Cordy: \"Yeah that's all really interesting. What are we doing?\"","Wesley: \"Doing?\"","Cordy: \"Yes! You did notice that Angel neglected to tell us the, for instance, point of all this.\"","Wesley: \"Ah- well - I mean, clearly he has us compiling incidents - ah, arranging data, organizing information in such a way that (Cordy raises her eyebrows at him) yes, I-I did notice that, the no point thing. Frankly I haven't the slightest idea what to do with all this. (Cordy is looking through some old photographs and notices something on one of them.) We could make a collage - or a mobile.\"","Cordy: \"Wesley! (Shows him the photo) Look who was staying here in '52.\" Wesley spots Angel in the background of the picture.","Wesley: \"Well. Now we know one thing for certain.\"","Cordy: \"Yup. It's not that vampires don't photograph, it's just that they don't photograph *well*.\"","Wesley: \"I mean - that Angel had a personal connection to this place.\"","Cordy: \"So, why didn't he just tell us?\"","Wesley after a beat: \"Perhaps he was ashamed to.\" Back in '52 Angel is lighting a cigarette in his hotel room, and looks over towards the adjoining room where a jaunty song is playing.","Singer: \"Whoop-de-do, whoop-de-do, I hear a polka and my troubles are through...\" Camera moves through the wall into the next room.","Singer: \"Whoop-de-do, whoop-de-do, this kind of music is like heaven to me, whoop-de-do, whoop-de-do, it's got me higher than a kite...\" We hear some whispering voices as the salesman from earlier turns down the volume on the turntable.","Singer: \"Hand me down my soup and fish, I am gonna to get my wish...\"","Salesman straightens up: \"Yes? (half heard whispering) Yes, I did. - Yes, I do.\" The salesman walks over to the table, lays his hat on it and picks up a gun and inspects it.","Cut to Angel pouring himself a glass of blood.","Cut to the salesman sitting down on the edge of his bed.","Singer: \"...lead me to the floor and hear me yell for more, because I'm a whoop-de-doin' kind of guy...\" The Salesman picks up a pillow then slowly slides down the side of the bed to sit on the floor.","Chorus: \"Whoop-de-do, whoop-de-do, I hear a polka and my troubles are through...\" The salesman presses the pillow up against the side of his head.","Cut to Angel about to take a drink from his glass when he hears a gunshot coming from the next room, and the record gets stuck repeating 'got me higher than a kite' over and over. After only the slightest hesitation Angel sips his blood, no apparent emotion visible on his face. Break Angel walks down the hallway in the present. Pan to blend into the bellhop and the manager walking down the same corridor in '52 going the other direction.","Bellhop: \"She just started cleaning the rooms on this floor when she found him.\"","Manager: \"Did she touch anything?\"","Bellhop: \"Consuela? Does she ever?\" They enter the room of the salesman and see him lying by the bed.","Manager: \"Oh my goodness. This is the third one in as many months. Why can't they ever do it in their own homes, for god's sake?\" Bellhop, chewing gum, steps closer, his hands in his pockets, to look down at the body.","Bellhop: \"I should have seen it coming. The guy did seem pretty depressed.\"","Manager: \"Oh, really? How could you tell?\"","Bellhop: \"Kind of cheap, though. The death-wishers usually tip better. Like they know they're not gonna take it with them anyway? (The manager hears an indistinct whisper and steps closer to the camera as the bellhop continues in the background) See, if you look at the way this body is laid down - you can tell a lot about...\" The whispering becomes clearer as the manager starts to listen to it.","Demonic voice: \"Three in three months. They'll shut you down.\"","Manager: \"Yes. They will.\"","Bellhop: \"So, who do you want me to call first - carpet cleaners or the cops?\"","Manger: \"What?\"","Bellhop stepping closer: \"Who do you want me to call first - carpet cleaners or the cops?\"","Manager: \"Don't be mad. No one is calling anyone. They'll shut us down.\"","Bellhop: \"What about him?\"","Manager: \"What about him? He's dead.\"","Bellhop: \"Well, we can't just leave him here.\" Manager on his way out the door: \"No, of course not. We'll - ah, - we'll store him in the meat locker.\"","Bellhop: \"Store him? (the door closes behind the manager) We're gonna store him?\" Guest talking to each other down in the lobby.","Scriptwriter: \"The candle salesman in 215 - shot himself.\"","Actor: \"Really. Suicide?\"","Actress: \"Right here in this hotel. And I hear they're not even going to report it.\"","Actor: \"That's terrible!\"","Writer: \"What's so terrible? The guy punched his own ticket, why get outside parties involved?\"","Actor: \"Are all screenwriters this crass?\"","Writer: \"Are all actors this na\u00efve? - Do you want the cops nosing around here asking questions, or the press?\"","Actor: \"Well, nothing wrong with discretion, I suppose.\"","Actress: \"That's always been my moto.\" Camera pans over to an older man sitting on one of the sofas as we hear that whispering again.","Demonic voice: \"Maybe this wasn't a suicide. Are you sure you're safe here?\"","Cut to an observatory at night with people walking towards its doors. Judy walks down to where Angel is standing, smoking a cigarette, looking out over the valley below.","Judy: \"World ends in ten minutes. (Angel glances in her direction then ignores her) I saw you over here. I hope you don't mind. I thought I'd say hello. (Angel keeps looking out and she keeps talking to his back.) Hello. (laughs) Have you seen the show? (Angel takes a drag from his cigarette) - You should. It makes whatever - problems we have seem insignificant in comparison. - I mean, the entire universe explodes.\" Angel still with his back turned: \"Sounds exciting.\"","Judy shrugs: \"Well, it's air-conditioned - and it's cheaper than going to the pictures. (Takes a deep breath) I had to get out of the hotel, after what happened.\"","Angel: \"He come back?\"","Judy: \"Come back?\"","Angel: \"Your boyfriend.\"","Judy: \"Oh - no. I-I mean the guy in 215. - You know he killed himself.\"","Angel: \"Yeah, I guess he did.\"","Judy: \"Can you imagine that wallpaper being the *last* thing you see before you go?\"","Angel: \"Maybe it was the wallpaper that drove him to it.\"","Judy: \"Yeah. I sort of hate it there. - Well, - I-I guess it's nicer than - some places.\"","Angel: \"It's a place.\"","Judy steps closer to him: \"Listen, - uh - I know you didn't want to before, but - you helped me. You did. And - I-I needed to thank you for that.\" Angel looks down that turns to look back at her over his shoulder for the first time.","Angel: \"You're gonna miss the end of the world.\" Judy as Angel turns back away from her: \"Right.\" After a beat she turns and walks towards the observatory. Stops and turns back.","Judy: \"I'll see you around.\" Then she leaves for good.","Angel looks after her: \"Yeah.\"","Cut to a series of black and white photos of the bellhop being led away in handcuffs. The last photo identical to the one accompanying a newspaper clipping held by Wesley with the heading of \"Bellhop arrested for murder.\"","Wesley: \"Frank Gillnitz. He worked as a Bellman the year that Angel was in residence, we put him in '52.\" Cordy and Wesley are sitting on the floor in front of a bunch of folders laid out by year.","Cordy: \"But he wasn't executed until '54. Shouldn't we put him there?\"","Wesley: \"He wasn't executed until '54, *but* the crime that he committed, the murder of the salesman and the storing of the body in the hotel meat locker *that* occurred in '52.\"","Cordy: \"It's kind of like a puzzle. The 'who died horribly because Angel screwed up 50 years ago' game?\" Cut back to the residents discussing the salesman in the hotel lobby.","Guy from the sofa: \"So, we're sitting there having a drink, and the guy says to me 'do they serve peanuts at this bar.'\"","Actor: \"So?\"","Actress: \"So, the guy is supposedly suicidal and he's thinking about peanuts?\"","Actor: \"Maybe he's craving something salty.\" Actress to writer sitting beside her: \"He doesn't get it.\"","Writer: \"This wasn't a suicide.\"","Actor: \"I thought they found him with the gun still in his hand and the door locked.\"","Writer: \"Exactly!\"","Actress: \"It's *too* perfect.\"","Writer: \"Locked door mystery. I've written it a hundred times.\" Camera pans over to show Angel walking up the stairs behind them.","Cut to Angel walking to his room. He's about to go in when a door a little ways down opens and Judy leans out.","Judy: \"Hey. Can you come in here for a second?\" Angel steps into her room and she closes the door behind him.","Judy: \"Did you hear?\"","Angel: \"Hear what?\"","Judy getting herself a cigarette: \"The guy in 215 - it wasn't a suicide. He was murdered.\"","Angel: \"I don't think so.\"","Judy: \"No, it's true. Which means there is going to be *police* - and-and questions, and-and I though that you'd want to know, in case, maybe (laughs) I'm not implying that *you've* got something to hide but...\"","Angel: \"Everyone here's got something to hide.\"","Judy: \"Yeah. I just figured that I owed you a heads up, on account of what you did for me before. So...\"","Angel: \"Thanks.\" Judy tries to light her cigarette but the match won't light, she gives up when it breaks. Judy with her back to Angel: \"I guess if we left now it would look, I don't know, bad, huh?\"","Angel: \"That all depends. This have anything to do with that *PI* I tossed out of here?\" Judy turns to look up at Angel: \"You knew he wasn't my boyfriend.\" Angel flicks his lighter for her and she lights her cigarette on it.","Angel: \"I had a hunch.\"","Judy: \"I'm pretty sure he works for my former employers, the City Trust Bank of Salina, Kansas. I was a teller there. (She goes over to the bed and pulls out a satchel from under it) I think maybe they want this back.\" She opens it and Angel takes a look inside. It's full of rolled bank notes, 1000 marked on each of the wrappers we can see.","Judy: \"I haven't spent any of it. Not a dime. I-I can't even bring myself to touch it.\"","Angel: \"Why take it?\"","Judy: \"I don't know. I was angry - and I-I guess I panicked. I mean, things were going so well! I-I loved this job, and I loved this guy. - We were going to get married, and they found out about me at the bank, and so they fired me. And then Peter found out why and he broke it off and I just couldn't go back to where I came from. I just couldn't. So I took this and I-I just ran. (When Angel doesn't say anything) Aren't gonna ask me why they fired me?\"","Angel: \"Why'd they fire you?\"","Judy: \"Because I'm not what I say I am. I've been passing since I was 15 years old.\"","Angel: \"Passing?\"","Judy nods: \"For white. My mother was colored, my father - I didn't even know him! My blood isn't pure. - It's tainted.\" Angel steps closer with a slight smile: \"It's just blood - Judy. - It-it's all just blood.\"","Judy: \"Nobody believes that! Not even my *mother's family*. I'm not one thing or the other. I'm nothing.\"","Angel: \"I know what that's like.\" Judy gets quite then puts a hand on her stomach: \"Yes. Yes, I am. - I *am* something. (She sinks down in a chair and looks up at Angel) I'm a thief! (Gasps) I've never stolen anything before in my life. It's just - god, the things that they called me.\"","Angel: \"Fear makes people do stupid things.\"","Judy: \"It was stupid. And I wish I'd never done it.\"","Angel: \"I didn't mean you. I meant your former employers. They were afraid. That's why they fired you.\"","Judy: \"What am I going to do? I'm trapped!\"","Angel shakes his head: \"You're not trapped.\" He walks over to the bag of money.","Judy getting up: \"I am! Look, if I leave now it'll look too suspicious, but if I stay here and the cops find this...\"","Angel: \"They're not gonna find it. (Judy stares at him) 'Cause I'm gonna help you.\" Angel puts a hand on her back and leads her out of the room, the bag of money in his other hand.","Cordy holding another newspaper clipping: \"So where do we put her?\"","Wesley: \"When did she die?\"","Cordy: \"Uhm, it doesn't say. Just that she was being tracked by federal authorities for bank robbery, she checked into the Hyperion in '52 and was never heard form again.\"","Wesley: \"'52?\"","Cordy: \"'52.\" Wesley puts the news clipping down on the 1952 folder. Its headline reads 'Search Called Off - Fugitive Woman Believed Dead\" next to a picture of Judy. Break Back in the past Angel is leading Judy down into the basement.","Judy: \"I guess I'll be okay down here. It's only for a few days. Just until the cops are gone.\"","Angel: \"Judy, there are no cops.\"","Judy: \"Well, not yet. Oh god, - I can't go to prison. It's just - I can't. Just the thought of being confined, trapped. It would be like death. No. No. It would be something worse than death. It'd be (while Judy paces and babbles, Angel hides the bag on top of some big round pipes running along the ceiling) it'd be - like - like being buried alive!\" Angel hears the demonic whispering.","Angel: \"I want you to go back to your room and stay there. (Judy looks at him as he takes a few steps deeper into the basement) There is something in this hotel - something that's making people crazy.\"","Judy: \"Hey, do you think that if -if somehow - the money ended up on the banks doorstep, and they saw that I didn't spend any of it, you think they'd call off that detective? Maybe I could be free of this whole thing.\" Angel still looking around and hearing the whispering: \"Maybe.\"","Judy: \"I mean, there is such a thing as forgiveness, right?\" Angel looks at her. Blend to Angel in the present, down in the basement. He pulls over a chair, steps on it and pulls an extremely dusty moneybag down from the where he hid it in '52. All the money is still in it, untouched. Suddenly we hear the same whispering start that we heard in the past.","Wesley: \"I can sense it. There is a pattern here. - Some force was residing at the Hyperion over the last decades, affecting staff and residents. - I just fear there is no real way to...\" Cordy stepping up next to him: \"A Thesulac (Wesley stares at her) paranoia demon. Whispers to its victims, feeds on their innate insecurities. (Wesley is speechless. Cordy pulls out the cordless from behind her back and holds it out to him) Angel wants to talk to you.\" Wesley makes a face and takes the phone. Cordy turns away with a big grin on her face.","Wesley: \"Hello?\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cut to Angel in the hotel lobby, phone scrunched between ear and shoulder working on the open fuse box.","Angel: \"A Thesulac demon claimed this place even before they started building it. (Some electrical sparks fly) I thought if I had you trace the events we could track it and find out where it went, but it's still here. (more sparks fly - then the lights come on) Alright, I want you and Cordy down here asap. And page Gunn, we're gonna need all the muscle we can get when we raise this thing.\"","Wesley: \"Raise it?\"","Angel: \"We have to force it to become corporeal in order to kill it.\"","Wesley: \"Right. Thesulac. You'll want me to research the raising ritual.\"","Angel: \"Already done it.\" Cut back to the past, downtown Hollywood, night. A bookstore owner is sitting listening to a radio program with a laugh-track.","Denver: \"They keep calling her a zany redhead. Could be a brunette for all *I* can tell. I guess I'll just have to take their word for it.\" He looks up and there is Angel standing on the other side of the counter.","Angel: \"You Denver?\"","Denver: \"No other cat but me. What can I do you for?\"","Angel: \"I need information on demons.\" Denver gets up and walks around the counter: \"Do you now, daddy?\"","Angel: \"Everything you got on possessing entities, demonic suggestions, exorcisms, cleansing rituals.\"","Denver: \"Try this one.\" Denver picks up a book and tosses it to Angel. As Angel catches it, smoke begins to rise from his hands. It's a Holy Bible. Angel drops it and stares at Denver wearing his vamp-face. Denver quickly pulls out a cross and a wooden stake out of one of the bookshelves and hurries through the apparently empty store to the open front door.","Denver: \"That's right. Run coward of the night! And tell your buddies I'm thinking very seriously about putting down my bedroll right here, so you bastards can't just walk in here uninvited! You got any idea who you're dealing with?\" As some passers by stare at him, Angel comes up behind him and grabs him in a neck lock.","Angel: \"I know you got a reputation, that's why I'm here. Now, it's been a long time since I've opened a vein, but I'll do it you pull any more of this van Helsing jr. crap with me. Are we clear? I want the books in the back.\" With that he lets the guy go.","Cut to the hotel manager reading the Los Angeles Times. The bellhop comes in.","Manager: \"What took you so long?\"","Bellhop: \"He wouldn't fit.\" Manager drops his newspaper and gets up: \"What?! What did you do with him?\"","Bellhop: \"Well, he's in there. I just had to sorta, what you call, make him fit. No chance I'd get in trouble for that, is there?\"","Manager: \"Don't be paranoid.\" Camera starts to focus on the guest still arguing in the lobby.","Writer: \"You had more reason to murder him than anyone else here.\"","Actor: \"What? I didn't even know the man!\"","Writer: \"That's what you say, but maybe he saw you with one of your little trysts! Maybe he threatened to tell the studio. Expose perhaps your little peccadilloes to the press?\"","Actor: \"Don't you dare use alliteration with me, you hack! You're just mad because the studio won't take your phone call, comrade!\"","Writer: \"Pansy!\"","Actor: \"Red!\"","Manager coming up to them: \"What seems to be the trouble?\"","Actress: \"There is a murderer in this hotel.\"","Old guy: \"And we're gonna find out who.\"","Cut to Judy sitting in her room with a book. She starts to hear whispering and closes the book.","Demonic voice: \"They know about you. They'll turn you in. (Judy gets up) You'll go to prison. How long do you think someone like you would last in prison?\" Judy closes the window and we hear no more words but the whisper is still there.","Cut to Denver and Angel in his back room, filled with books.","Denver: \"So you were what, about my age when you where made?\"","Angel: \"I don't know. How old are you?\"","Denver: \"Just north of thirty.\"","Angel: \"No! - This Thesulac demon, how do I kill it?\"","Denver: \"You don't. You run away from it.\"","Angel: \"There's got to be a way to kill it.\"","Denver: \"Well, - first you got to make it fat - corporeal. But that only happens after it's had a nice big feed - or if you raise it, but *that's* tricky and dangerous.\"","Angel: \"How?\"","Denver: \"The incantation's there in the book, but you're gonna need an orb of Ramjarin. Now I have one I can let you have for cheap.\"","Angel: \"For free.\"","Denver goes to get it: \"For free. (Sets the orb next to Angel) Uh, you'll also need (adds them to the orb) sacred herbs - divining powder (adds that) and - something really big to hit it with.\"","Angel: \"And that'll kill it?\"","Denver looking around his shelves: \"Well, it might. Wouldn't hurt to have a lightning strike, you know, finger of heaven kind of thing. But short of that (pulls out a fighting ax) I'd go with something big and heavy.\"","Angle takes the ax: \"Pack it up.\" Denver as he bags the supplies: \"A vampire wanting to slay a demon in order to help some grubby humans? I just don't get it.\"","Angel grabbing the bag: \"To be honest, I'm not sure I do either.\"","Manager: \"Right! You once asked me where you could purchase a gun.\"","Actress: \"That was for protection.\"","Actor: \"Protection perhaps from a salesman who was ready to turn you in for solicitation?\"","Bellhop to the manager: \"He shot himself, remember?\"","Manager: \"Did he? Where you there?\"","Bellhop: \"It was Consuela! She's the one that found him!\"","Old man: \"Yeah, she could have found him and then shot him.\" They all argue as once.","Voice yelling: \"Hey!\" They all fall quiet and turn to the door where the guy Angel threw out (his nose taped up) his holding up a badge.","PI: \"The name's C. Mulvihill, P.I.\"","Writer: \"He looks suspicious.\" PI holds up a picture of Judy: \"I'm looking for this woman.\" Angel enters the hotel carrying the ax and a paper bag. He notices that the lobby is deserted. A door closes and he looks around at the door - where (back in the present) Wesley, Cordy and Gunn just walked into the lobby.","Angel: \"Lets do this.\" Cordy sprinkles some powder on a landing of the steps leading up.","Wesley: \"We call thee forth, Thesulac of the netherworld, we command you, leave our minds and join us on this, the physical plane.\" Wesley holds out a hand to where Gunn is fiddling with a backpack and snaps his fingers.","Wesley: \"Orb of Ramjerin.\"","Gunn: \"Orb of Ramjerin please, makes it happen.\"","Wesley drops his hands: \"Please! And do be careful. Ancient conjuring orbs are notoriously fragile.\" Gunn tosses the orb to Wesley and Wesley has to drop the book and crouch down to catch it.","Wesley: \"Angel!\"","Angel: \"Guys, don't listen to it, alright? What ever it's whispering to you, just ignore it.\"","Cordy: \"They were like this - all the way over here in the car.\"","Angel: \"Oh.\" Wesley holding up the now glowing orb: \"We invoke the by the power of the orb of priests of Ramjerin. What was once in our thoughts, be now in our midst.\" The air above the stair landing begins to shiver and bulge.","Cut to Angel stepping out of the elevator back in '52. The far hallway is full of angry people clustered around Judy.","Old man: \"What gives you the right to hide out up here?\" Judy trying to wiggle free of their grip: \"Please stop it, you're hurting me.\"","Actress: \"We're gonna do more than that if you don't start telling us everything.\"","Actor: \"We know about you, missy.\"","Manager: \"The name you registered under is a fake! We have proof!\" Angel slowly walks towards them passing two guys leaning against the walls of the hallway.","Actress: \"Who knows what else she's lied about, the little slut!\"","Judy: \"I didn't mean anything, please, I'm sorry!\"","Old man: \"Now you're sorry! I thought you didn't have anything to be sorry for!\" Angel drops the ax and the bag and starts walking faster as the commotion escalates.","Actress: \"Stop lying!\"","Manager: \"Come on!\"","Judy: \"It wasn't me! It wasn't me! (She sees Angel and breaks free of their grip, tears streaming down her face she takes a couple of running steps towards him.) It was him! (Angel stops dead) Look in his room! Go ahead, look! He's got blood! He's a monster!\" Everyone falls silent, staring at Angel. The bellhop, holding Angel's paper bag, and the PI holding the dropped ax come up behind him.","PI: \"What kind of maniac are you?\" As Angel turns around to look at him, the PI hits Angel in the chin with the handle of the ax, then smashes it into his back, knocking him down. Everyone jumps on the downed Angel, hitting and screaming, while Judy stands staring, her face wet with tears. Angel makes no attempt to fight back, just looks at Judy, whose form slowly blurs before his eyes as the mob continues to beat on him. Break. The mob, still in a frenzy, is dragging Angel out onto the open hallway above the back of the lobby, pushing him up against the railing. The bellhop hurries halfway down the steps to get a better view.","Manager: \"Get him over there!\"","Bellhop: \"Ha-ha, we got you now! (Slaps the banister) Come on! String him up! String him up!\" Somebody throws a rope over a rafter and slips the noose at one end of it around Angel's neck while the other is being tied to the railing, with the whole crowd screaming encouragement. Angel looks over at Judy, who is still sobbing as the others yell and scream for his death. They set him on top of the railing.","Bellhop from the stairs: \"Good. Push him. Come on! Push him out! Push him out!\" The PI and the old man push Angel of the banister and he drops until he hits the end of the rope. Judy lets out a scream while the mob cheers and the bellhop laughs. Suddenly they all fall silent, staring. You can hear Judy sob.","Bellhop: \"Yeah! Swing, you freak! Yea, that's right, you had that coming, ha ha ha!\" The crowd silently and quickly melts away as the rope with Angel, eyes closed, at the end of it slowly stops swinging.","Manager leaning on the railing: \"Oh, my lord. What have we done?\" Bellhop still chewing his ever-present gum: \"What?\" Judy turns and walks away, still sobbing.","Bellhop hurries up the stairs: \"What's wrong?! - I don't get it. Come on! (Comes to stand next to the manager, who's still staring down at Angel hanging there) Where is everybody going? Come on! (Looks down at Angel as the manager walks off) It's just a - what do you call... (looks around sees that he's now alone and runs off).\" As soon as he is gone Angel's eyes snap open. He takes a hold of the rope above his head and pulls himself up, pulls the noose from around his neck and drops down to the lobby floor, catching himself on his hands. As he straightens up the air on the stairs begins to shiver and bulge and the Thesulac becomes corporeal. Ugly gray faced demon in a long hooded cape with tentacles sticking out form under it like a fringe.","Thesulac: \"Well, I don't know about you (laughs) but I'm stuffed! God I love people! - Don't' you? (Laughs) they feed me their worst and I kind of serve it right back to them, and the fear and prejudice turns to certainty and hate, and I take another bite and mmm-mmm-mmm! (Laughs) What a beautiful, beautiful dance! (Moves down from the landing towards Angel) Oh, you got your feelings hurt, didn't you? See now what happens when you stick your neck out for them? They throw a rope around it! (Angel starts to walk towards the door) And you thought you'd made a friend. News flash! You *had*! (Angel stops but doesn't turn around) That's what made her the *yummiest* morsel of all. (Laughs) You reached her, buddy! Restored her faith in people. Without you she would have been just another appetizer. But you plumped her up good! Now, she's a meal that's gonna last me a lifetime! (Laughs then drifts closer towards Angel's back) Hey, you know what? There is an entire hotel here just full of tortured souls that could really use your help. - What do you say?\" We hear some indistinct whispering, then nothing but the sound of the demons tentacles whipping back and forth as it waits for Angel's answer.","Angel without turning around: \"Take them all.\" The demon begins to laugh and repeats Angel's 'take them all,' while Angel walks out the front of the hotel. Flash cut to the demon in the present, manifesting before Wesley and the others with a scream.","Angel: \"Watch his tentacles.\"","Cordy: \"Excuse me?\"","Wesley: \"Tentacles!\"","Cordy: \"Oh.\"","Thesulac to Angel: \"I don't remember ordering take-out, but I like what you brung me. Not as delectable as the last one perhaps but full of tasty paranoia just the same. (laughs then indicate Wesley) especially *that* one!\" Wesley looks over at Angel and Cordy: \"What did he mean by that?'","Angel: \"You had your last meal here a long time ago. You should have gotten out when you had the chance.\"","Thesulac drifts closer to Angel: \"Got out? Now, why would I wanna do that? When the room service in this hotel is *still* excellent. Has been for 50 years. Paranoia here - is like fine wine.\"","Angel quietly: \"It gets better with age. (demon grins in his face) You're still feeding. Gunn!\" Gunn aims his crossbow and pins one of Thesulac's tentacles to the banister of the stairs. The Thesulac wraps one of his other tentacles around Gunn's hand holding the crossbow and tosses him against the wall. Gun drops to the floor and looks back up at the demon. Cordy and Wesley run in different directions and while the demon is distracted Angel jumps into a forward roll, grabbing a hold of one of the demon's other tentacles. Angel as he rolls back to his feet with it in his grip: \"The kitchen is closed.\" He shoves the end of the tentacle against the exposed wires in the fuse box. There is an explosion of sparks and blue electricity runs up the tentacle and wraps around the demon. All four of the stand and stare as the Thesulac hangs in the air, screaming after a while there is an explosion of white light and the Thesulac is gone.","Wesley: \"What did he mean, especially *that* one?\" Angel heads up the stairs as the others watch from below. He enters Judy's old room and finds her (now and old woman) sitting in a chair.","Angel: \"Judy.\"","Judy: \"I don't hear them anymore. - Are they gone?\" Angel comes to stand in front of her: \"Yeah.\" He gets down on one knee in front of her and slowly reaches for her hand.","Judy smiling at him: \"It's you.\" Angel smiles back her ever so slightly: \"Yeah, Judy. It's me.\" Judy reaches up to touch his face: \"You look the same.\"","Angel: \"I'm not.\"","Judy: \"They killed you - because of *me*. (Angel shakes his head at her) I killed you.\"","Angel shaking his head: \"No. No. No.\"","Judy: \"He kept them from the door. He told me I'd be safe. - Am I safe?\"","Angel: \"You're safe.\"","Judy: \"Can I go out now?\"","Angel: \"Yeah. You can go out.\" Judy gives him a big smile and starts to get up from her chair. Angel helps her up.","Angel: \"Let me help you.\" Judy as Angel helps her over to her bed: \"I just - I need to take a little rest first. Just a little rest.\"","Angel: \"Easy.\" He lowers her onto the bed. Judy holding on to his hands: \"I'm so sorry I killed you. Can you forgive me?\"","Angel looks down at her: \"Of course.\"","Judy: \"I'm just going to rest. Just for a minute - and then - I'm going to go out.\" Judy closes her eyes and dies. Wesley, Cordy and Gunn are sitting around at the bottom of the stairs waiting for Angel.","Wesley: \"I've been accused of a great many things in my time, but *paranoid* has never been one of them.\" Gunn shakes his head and looks over at Cordelia.","Wesley: \"Unless people been saying it behind my back.\" Angel comes down the stairs.","Gunn: \"You all right, man?\"","Angel: \"Yeah.\"","Cordy: \"We finished?\"","Angel: \"I think so.\"","Cordy: \"Good. Because I for one will be *glad* to see the last of this place. Gives me the heebie-jeebies.\"","Gunn: \"No lie. Plus it kind of got an odor to it. You notice that?\"","Cordy: \"70 years of violence, mayhem and paranoia - bad vibes.\"","Angel: \"We're moving in.\"","Cordy: \"I mean, a few throw pillows what's not to love?\"","Wesley: \"Angel, surely you more than anyone must appreciate, how for the better part of the last century this place has been host not only to a malevolent demonic presence, but the very worst faces of humanity! - This is a house of evil.\" Angel still looking around the hotel: \"Not anymore.\" Wesley takes a look around himself then leans in closer to Angel.","Wesley: \"Angel - you don't - find me - especially paranoid, do you?\"","Angel: \"Not especially.\"","Wesley: \"Oh, thank god! - I was worried.\""],"Show Title":"Angel","Episode Number":"02x02","Episode Title":"Are You Now Or Have","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Angel_02x09.json","Recap":["Darla is informed from Lindsey and Holland that there was an unfortunate side effect to her rebirth. Angel, learning of Darla's terminal condition, embarks on a mission to save her. Lorne directs Angel to a challenge which might restore Darla's health but at the cost of his life. Angel completes the challenge but Darla cannot be saved again because of her previous resurrection. Feeling broken, Angel tries to comfort Darla in her final stage until Lindsey shows up with an unexpected visitor."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Host to Angel: \"Welcome to Caritas. How about gracing us with a number?\"","Wesley to Gunn: \"The Host, he helps demons, reads their souls, senses their futures.\"","Cordy: \"Yes, but he can only do it when they sing Karaoke.\"","Angel: \"Darla. That's her!\"","Angel to Darla: \"So you are what Wolfram and Hart brought back in that box.\"","Darla: \"I remember everything Angel.\"","Angel: \"You have a soul now. Pretty soon - those memories are gonna start eating away at you.\"","Darla to Lindsey: \"What did you bring back, Lindsey? What am I?\"","Holland to Lindsey: \"You not only allowed her to escape, you facilitated it.\"","Angel to Wesley: \"She asked for my help.\"","Wesley: \"You know better than anyone what she was.\"","Angel: \"What we were.\"","Darla to Angel: \"Turn me back! I can bear this pounding in my chest for another second!\"","Angel: \"I can't.\"","Angel: \"Darla, wait!\"","Darla: \"No. Don't look for me again.\" Cordy and Wesley are hovering around the closed door leading down into the Hyperion's basement.","Cordy: \"Don't you think we should check on him? - He's been in that cellar a long time.\"","Wesley: \"I keep hearing a 'chucka-chuka' sound. - What's he doing down there?\"","Cordy: \"How should I know? He barely says 'good morning' and 'get me a glass of blood' anymore.\"","Wesley: \"I know. He's just so distraught about...\"","Cordy: \"Don't say Darla! I'm sick and tired hearing about Darla. If I hear the name Darla one more time! And he is not distraught, he is obsessed! And I thought you were gonna be a man and talk to him about this!\"","Wesley: \"I was a man! I said - things.\"","Cordy: \"Like what?\"","Wesley: \"Like - did he prefer milk or sugar in his tea. It's how men talk about things in England.\"","Cordy: \"Shh! Listen. It stopped.\"","Wesley: \"He's coming!\" Both of them run away from the basement door. Cordy hops onto a stool behind the counter, looks down at some papers. Behind her Wesley picks up a file and pretends to be reading as the door opens and Angel comes out carrying an armful of clothes.","Angel: \"Hi, guys. What's up?\"","Cordy: \"Nothing. - So, you were - doing your laundry?\"","Angel folding his laundry: \"Yeah. There is an old washer and dryer in the cellar. (Holds one piece up to his face) Hmm, don't you just love it when they're still warm from the dryer? (Shakes it out and looks at it) Wrinkle free - right, after you iron it for about 15 minutes!\"","Wesley: \"It's good to see you taking a domestic tack.\"","Cordy: \"Yeah, you seem all calm and homey. - Are you on drugs?\"","Angel: \"I know I've caused you a lot of grief about his whole Darla situation - and I apologize. Darla may never need my help. All I can do is be there for her if and when she decides to come around. - But I can't do it for her, and I know that now.\"","Wesley smiles at Cordy: \"We had tea.\"","Angel: \"In the mean time, there is nothing I can do but - let go.\" Gunn burst in holding a file: \"I found Darla. (Angel walks over to look through what he's got.) It wasn't easy, but you said to keep looking and my wide ranging knowledge of L.A.'s low-rent hotels finally paid off.\"","Cordy to Angel: \"You lied to us!\"","Angel looking at some pictures: \"I did. I know.\"","Wesley: \"Why?\"","Angel: \"I figured you'd nag. (Cordy and Wesley exchange a look) The Royal Viking Motel.\"","Gunn: \"Conveniently located mere steps from scenic skid row. I guess she's not living off Wolfram and Hart no more.\"","Angel: \"They'll be looking for her, too.\"","Gunn: \"What do you think they'll do if they find her?\"","Angel: \"Well, lets get there first and not find out.\" Angel grabs his coat and walks towards the door, Gunn following.","Cordy: \"Listen up, Mister! If you expect us to go with you on some wild goose chase, then guess again! (as they walk out the door) We're not going to enable you in your addiction!\"","Wesley: \"Didn't we learn anything from the tea?\" Darla takes off her cross necklace and puts it on the dresser. She puts on some bright red lipstick, then hesitates, looking at her reflection. Picks up a tissue and wipes it back off as a know sounds on her door. Darla stares at herself in the mirror. A key jangles in the lock and the door opens. Darla turns and sees Lindsey handing the Motel manager some money before closing the door behind him, never taking his eyes off her.","Lindsey: \"You're a hard one to find.\" Intro. Darla sits in a chair in Lindsey's office there are a couple security guards in the background. Lindsey clears his throat and sits on the edge of his desk.","Lindsey: \"Thanks for coming in.\"","Darla: \"Did I ever have a choice?\" Holland comes in carrying some files, nods at the guard, who leaves, closing the door.","Holland: \"Of course. - We would never force you to do anything against your will, Darla.\"","Darla: \"It wasn't my will to be here in the first place. I never asked for this life.\" Holland sits down in a chair next to hers: \"Well, - no one ever does. God doesn't give us a say in these matters.\"","Darla: \"God wasn't there one who brought me back.\"","Holland: \"True.\"","Darla: \"So, what do you want me to do for you now? Go back to him? I won't matter even if I did. There is nothing between us anymore.\" Darla looks down at her hands while Holland glances over at Lindsey.","Holland: \"You misunderstand. We didn't invite you here to discuss Angel.\"","Lindsey: \"This is about you.\" Darla looks up at Lindsey.","Holland: \"You are not our prisoner, Darla. - You are, however our *moral* responsibility.\" He hands her the files in his hand and Darla looks through them.","Holland: \"No doubt you remember very little of your first few weeks with us. - No one eve really remembers their first days of life, but that's when these were initiated.\" Darla shakes her head slightly and looks up at Lindsey: \"Did-did you know anything about this?\" Lindsey just looks at her and Darla looks back down at the papers in her lap.","Holland: \"Now, we're prepared to deal with this situation anyway you see fit. - It's up to you. - We just thought you should know. At the Viking Motel Gunn walks into Darla's room. Angel is standing in the open doorway.","Gunn: \"She ain't here, bro.\"","Angel: \"No. But she was, not long ago. (Sniffs) Scent's still fresh. A lot of fear.\"","Gunn: \"Don't envy you that particular talent. Not based on what I'm getting with just my standard issue human smeller. (Looks around the room. Behind him Angel enters) Man, not even for free cable, you know what I'm sayin'?\"","Angel: \"She chose this neighborhood for a reason.\" Gunn looks from Angel to the door and back.","Gunn: \"Bro, how'd you..?\"","Angel: \"Oh, Motel, public accommodation. She didn't live here.\"","Gunn: \"Yeah? I wouldn't call it living, either. Hey, looks like maybe she was expecting company (Picks up Darla's cross from the dresser) in the form of you.\"","Angel looks around the room: \"No blood. Nothing new, anyway.\"","Gunn: \"You smellin' that, too?\"","Angel: \"This room's seen a lot of it.\"","Gunn: \"No doubt. Big step down from her last digs, that's for sure.\"","Angel: \"When you're desperate - you do what you have to do.\" France 1765, night. A horse carrying two riders trots into a barn. Angelus and Darla dismount.","Angelus: \"This is outrages! Don't these people know who we are?\"","Darla: \"I think they do. Which would explain the lynch mob. Look, we should all rest. It'll be dawn in a few hours and she won't last another mile, not carrying us both.\"","Angelus closing the barn door: \"Right. I hate the French. We should go some place like Romania.\"","Darla: \"In Italy you said we should go some place like France.\"","Angelus: \"At least in Romania they really know how to treat a creature of the night.\"","Darla: \"You were craving rich food, that's what you said, something - French.\" Darla lights a lantern while Angelus looks out at the dark countryside.","Angelus: \"The valley seems quiet.\"","Darla: \"I told you we lost them back in Arles. I'm sure of it.\"","Angelus: \"This man, Holtz, how does he keep finding us?\"","Darla: \"Well, we stay in the best hotels, order room service, eat the waiters - people talk.\"","Angelus: \"Holtz is no mere mortal, I tell you that.\"","Darla: \"Of course he is. He's just a man, a vampire hunter.\"","Angelus: \"Yeah. Good enough to have driven us into a stinking barn like animals.\"","Darla with a smile: \"All right then, let's *be* animals, at least for tonight. (Walks over to a pile of hey and reclines on it) Unless, of course, you're too tired.\"","Angelus: \"Shouldn't we be keeping watch?\"","Darla: \"I can see the window, and we'll hear hoof beats should anyone approach.\" Angelus walks over to her, smiling: \"You always make the best of it, don't you?\"","Darla: \"Come now you have to admit that the chase can be exhilarating (Angelus drops to his knees beside her) especially with the proper companion.\" Angelus leans down to kiss her and a flaming stake whizzes by where his head was moments before and stick in a wooden post.","Angelus: \"Bastards!\" Darla is sitting at a table in a real dive, across form her sits a vampire showing off his vamp face.","Darla: \"That's great. (Smiles) Really - very threatening.\"","Vampire laughs: \"It's getting to you, isn't it? You know, when I was a-a human, I didn't have much luck with the women.\"","Darla takes a drink: \"Hard to believe.\"","Vampire: \"I had kind of a skin condition. But now - it's something about the teeth I guess. (Bares his fangs) Chicks go crazy for it.\"","Darla: \"You got girlfriends everywhere I imagine.\"","Vampire: \"Well, mostly I just kill 'em. Dump the bodies.\"","Darla: \"That must be very lonely for you.\"","Vampire: \"We're a lonely sort, we - creatures of the night. Doomed to walk the earth, that kind of deal.\"","Darla: \"Ah, how long have you been...\"","Vampire: \"Oh, an eternal child of the darkness? Since, ah - '92.\"","Darla: \"19 - 92?\"","Vampire chuckles: \"I know. It's hard to believe it's already the last century.\"","Darla: \"And in all this - time you've never considered making yourself a - mate?\"","Vampire: \"How do you mean?\"","Darla: \"Well, isn't it true that some vampires choose a mortal, someone they can sire, someone who, too, can walk those lonely nights, hunting with them, feeding with them, (puts her hand on his) joining with them?\" Vampire looks down at her hands covering his then gives a laugh.","Vampire: \"No! That'd just be weird.\"","Darla: \"Weird? - It's mythic!\" Vampire shakes his finger at her: \"No, you been reading too much Anne Rice lately! You've got no idea how this thing works!\"","Darla: \"Then teach me.\"","Vampire: \"Oh, what, you want me to make you?\"","Darla: \"Why do you think I came into this bar, for the snacks?\"","Vampire: \"Sweetheart, in this bar, you are the snacks.\"","Darla smiles at him: \"I live nearby. We can go back to my place, you can do it there.\"","Vampire: \"Y-you're serious about this. (Darla nods slightly) So what? I make you and then you'd be like my immortal babe?\"","Darla: \"Yes.\"","Vampire: \"Ah, well, that kind of sounds like commitment to me.\"","Darla: \"Then use me for as long as you like, anyway you like, then discard me. - No strings.\"","Vampire after a beat: \"There is an alley out back.\" Darla gets up, grabs a hold of his hand and drags him out. Alley behind the bar, Darla is still dragging the guy.","Vampire: \"How do you know I won't just kill you here, drain you and leave your body?\" Darla puts her purse down on the hood of a car and gives him a hard kiss, then steps back. Vampire's eyes popped open wide.","Darla: \"I'll take my chances.\"","Vampire: \"I - I- I should probably mention that I... - I'm not real clear on how this thing works.\"","Darla: \"What?\"","Vampire: \"Well, ah, I never actually did it, ah, to anybody before - and I was kind of out when it happened to me.\"","Darla taking a deep breath: \"I'll walk you through it. (Steps closer) Drink. (Exposes her neck) When you feel my heart start to slow stop.\" Vampire leans in while Darla closes her eyes. He's about to sink his fangs into her neck when he dissolves into a cloud of dust revealing Angel.","Darla: \"What the hell do you think you're doing?\"","Angel: \"Saving you.\"","Darla: \"I wasn't *in* any danger, Angelus. Believe me, I picked a stupid one. I always pick the stupid ones, didn't you know that? - I can take care of myself.\"","Angel: \"I didn't mean from him. I was saving you from yourself.\"","Darla: \"Who asked you?\"","Angel: \"This isn't the answer.\"","Darla: \"You don't even know what the question is. Why can't you leave me alone.\" She tires to walk past him but he stops her, leaning close into her face.","Angel: \"You do this thing and I won't be able to leave you alone, don't you get that? I'll never be able to leave you alone. (Holds up the stake) Next time it'll be you on the end of this stake. - I'm sorry, but I don't want that, not again.\"","Darla: \"Don't worry. I wouldn't let it happen twice.\" Darla walks past him.","Angel: \"Where are you going?\"","Darla: \"Not back in there, everyone saw me leave with the Mullet. Try something on the westside, I guess.\"","Angel: \"Another dive, another looser?\"","Darla turns back to him: \"What do you care?\"","Angel steps closer: \"This isn't you, Darla.\"","Darla: \"You know, just because we had a thing for 150 years, don't presume you know me!\"","Angel: \"So you really want to be made by some creep in some filthy alley?\"","Darla: \"I wanted you to do it.\"","Angel: \"That'll never happen.\"","Darla turns to go: \"So I do what I have to do. Anyway, you were made in an alley, if I recall.\"","Angel: \"That's not the point.\"","Darla spins back around: \"Yeah, well, what is the point, Angelus?\"","Angel: \"The point is, you were undead for 400 years, you've only been human again for a few months. Why not give it some time.\"","Darla: \"I don't have time.\"","Angel: \"You do. You've been given a second chance. Don't throw that away before you have the opportunity to...\"","Darla closing her eyes: \"I'm dying.\"","Angel: \"What?\"","Darla looks at him: \"Yeah. And not some time. Not later. Now. Right now. They showed me the medical files, all the tests said the same thing: I have about two months left, three at the most. So, if you'll excuse me, I'm in sort of a hurry.\" She turns to go and Angel stares after her. Back in France in the past the barn is on fire and surrounded by screaming peasants, carrying torches.","Angelus: \"How many men do you supposed he has with him?\"","Darla: \"I can't die. Not like this.\"","Angelus: \"Well, we can try to flee to the hills to the south.\"","Darla: \"We'll never make it before the sun rises, not by foot.\"","Angelus: \"We'll not make it easy for 'em, I can tell you that. They're men - mortals. Between the two of us we can go out with a reputation. (Looks outside through a crack) Even death with the right companion...\" As he turns back towards Darla she hits him across the face with a 2x4, knocking him down. While slowly picks himself back up, she hurriedly mounts the horse.","Darla: \"I hope you survive this, Angelus. If you do, maybe we meet again in Vienna.\" With that she rides out of the barn. Hyperion, night. Cordy hears someone open the doors and turns to Wesley, who's reading a newspaper.","Cordy in a whisper: \"Angel's back (Wesley glances up) and he has *Darla* with him!\" Wesley gets up and he and Cordy walk around the counter to confront Angel and Darla.","Cordy: \"Hi. (Sees the bag Darla is carrying) You're - planning on sleeping over?\"","Darla puts down the bag: \"I'm dying.\"","Cordy: \"So just for the one night then.\"","Wesley: \"Dying?\"","Darla: \"He doesn't believe it.\"","Wesley: \"Angel, what's going on?\"","Angel: \"Wolfram and Hart showed her some medical files supposedly proving that she's only got a few months left to live.\"","Cordy: \"So maybe *more* than the one night.\"","Wesley: \"And you believe it's some kind of trick.\"","Angel: \"We're talking about Wolfram and Hart! Of course it's a trick. They're trying to play some kind of mind game.\"","Wesley: \"To what end?\"","Angel: \"I don't know, but we're not gonna take the bait.\"","Darla: \"No, you just don't wanna believe it, that's all.\"","Angel: \"I don't wanna believe anything from them.\"","Wesley: \"It's true. They can't really be trusted.\"","Darla: \"I don't trust them, but I know a thing or two about mind games. (To Angel) So do you. We played them together for over a century.\"","Cordy: \"Yes, but you were just soulless bloodsucking demons, they're lawyers.\"","Angel: \"She's right. We were amateurs.\"","Darla: \"And if you're wrong?\"","Angel after a beat: \"I'm not. And I'm gonna prove it to you. (Steps closer to Wes and Cordy) Can you guys just watch over her for a while? I'll be back soon.\"","Wesley: \"Of course.\"","Cordy: \"Don't worry about a thing.\"","Angel turns to leave: \"Thanks.\"","Darla: \"You can't force me to stay here.\"","Angel: \"You're not a prisoner.\"","Darla: \"I've been hearing that a lot lately.\"","Angel: \"Just give me a chance. - Okay?\" After a moment Angel turns and leaves.","Cordy: \"So, first up - you're a prisoner.\"","Wesley: \"I'd have to concur with that, yes.\"","Cordy: \"See, you've got our friend - all - in knots.\"","Wesley: \"Can't say we like you much.\"","Cordy: \"So, sorry about the dying, but if you try to escape - we *will* hit you.\"","Wesley: \"On the head.\"","Cordy: \"With very large and heavy objects. - Okay?\" Lindsey is sitting in his dimly lit apartment, drinking. Suddenly the door burst inward and Angel is standing in the corridor.","Angel: \"I may not be able to come in, Lindsey, but...\"","Lindsey taking another sip: \"Wipe your feet.\"","Angel: \"What?\"","Lindsey gets up: \"Wipe your feet. You can come in.\" Angel just stands there.","Lindsey: \"Jeez. I invite you in already.\" Lindsey goes to pour himself another drink. Angel grabs him by the throat and slams the back of his head on to the counter top.","Lindsey: \"Does it really look like you have to throttle me for information?\"","Angel: \"Need to?\" Angel pulls Lindsey back up and pushes him away from him.","Lindsey: \"Yes, she's dying. Yes, those medical reports you saw are real. You want a second opinion? (Picks up some files and throws them at Angel) Here. How about a thrid? Hmm? How about a thenth? I used every connection Wolfram and Hart had. (Points at the file Angel is looking at) That's my own personal doctor. They all say the same thing: syphilitic heart condition - terminal. (Refills his glass) Looks like our Darla was a working girl in the New World. Syphilis was what she was dying from when she was human. - Now she's human again. Kind of picking up where she left off. Of course, today something like that could be cleared up with a few antibiotics - if you catch it in time. We're about a month and - what? 400 years too late?\" Angel looks up from the files he'd been reading: \"So you didn't believe them either. (Lindsey drops his eyes to his glass) - So it's true.\"","Lindsey: \"I had to be sure.\"","Angel: \"Why?\"","Lindsey: \"Why? Because I don't want her to die anymore than you do.\" Angel looks him up and down for a moment.","Angel: \"Do you love her, Lindsey? (Lindsey looks down) Is that what this is? Heh - look at you. A few short months with her and you go all schoolboy. I was with her for *150* years.\"","Lindsey: \"But you never loved her.\"","Angel after a short beat: \"I wasn't capable of it and neither are you.\"","Lindsey: \"Maybe not. - But I'd save her if I could. And you can. And you won't. (Gets up) So you got s choice pal: waste the last two months of her life searching for a cure that doesn't exist, watch her wither away and die - or you can use the only real power you got. You can make this disease go away today if you wanted to.\"","Angel: \"By killing her again.\"","Lindsey: \"By giving her life! Eternal life.\"","Angel: \"And then what, Lindsey? You and her can be together? If I were to do it - if I turned her, how long do think it would be before she hunted you down and had you for breakfast? - I've got to say, I mean, that thought alone almost makes it worth it. But - there is another way, and I'll find it.\" Angel throws the medical files at Lindsey and walks out. Darla is outside in the garden court at the Hyperion. Cordy and Wes are in the lobby, holding cups of tea.","Cordy: \"I mean, not only is she putting *his* life at stake, but ours! I'm sorry, but after 400 hundred years of death and destruction, seems to me, you get voted off the island. Am I right?\" They notice Angel standing in the lobby, hands buried in his pocket's staring straight ahead.","Cordy: \"You're back.\" Angel doesn't move.","Wesley: \"Was it - good news?\" They look where he's staring and see Darla through the glass doors, smelling a flower out in the court.","Angel: \"Just give me a minute, will you, guys?\" Angel slowly walks out into the court.","Darla: \"Hmm, Jasmine. It blooms at night. I remember what that was like. (Looks over at Angel. Gets up) I told you. I told you it was the truth.\"","Angel: \"Darla...\"","Darla: \"No, I have to go.\" She tries to walk past him, but Angel blocks her way.","Angel: \"We'll find a cure. We'll do something.\"","Darla: \"You'll do something! Now, I've been around long enough to know when something is a lost cause - unless...\"","Angel: \"That's exactly what they want us to do, Darla. We'd be playing right into their hands.\"","Darla: \"I don't care. I don't wanna die.\"","Angel: \"I can't give you what you want.\"","Darla: \"It's what I need.\"","Angel: \"No, it's not what you need, Darla. Really it's not. I don't know what you need. I wish I did.\"","Darla turns away: \"I don't know either.\"","Angel after a moment: \"No. You do. You're the only one that could. You just can't see it that's all. You need a little help.\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","Darla sits on the stage at Caritas while Angel stands beside the Host at the bar.","Darla singing: \"Blow, ill wind, blow away. Let me rest today. You're blowing me no good...\"","Host watching her: \"Ooh!\"","Angel: \"What is that? What does that mean, ooh?\"","Host: \"It means 'ooh, ground control to major Tom' we may not be able to save this bird.\"","Angel: \"I'm gonna save her and you're gonna help me.\"","Host looks at Angel: \"I sense pain and anger. Are you still testy from the last time?\"","Angel: \"When you sent me to that swami who was dead, and his imposter tried to kill me? Why would I be testy about that?\"","Host: \"That was painful. (Goes to sit at a table) I'm still reeling.\" Angel, sits down next to him: \"Yeah, I feel your pain, what with him trying to kill me and all.\"","Host: \"People try to kill *you* everyday. I'm talking about Ramone. Over heard us, betrayed me. The man was a world-class bartender. He made a sea breeze that took you to Tahiti. Mmm. He's off the menu now.\"","Angel: \"Can we get back to Darla?\"","Host: \"If you shush up and listen to the bridge.\"","Darla singing: \"You're only misleading the sunshine I'm needing. Ain't that a shame? It's so hard to keep up with troubles that creep up from out of nowhere (the Host is watching Angel watch Darla) when love...\"","Angel: \"Aren't you supposed to be reading her?\"","Host: \"I'm a channel surfer. Look, you're a big hunk of hero sandwich. You wanna save the girl. I can see why. But you're missing the crucial point here. Things fall apart. Not everything can be put back together, no matter how much you want it.\"","Angel: \"She's not gonna die.\"","Host: \"Why do you care *so* much? She had more than most of us, already 400 plus years.\"","Angel: \"As a vampire. Before that she was... She... She never had a chance.\" Darla finishes her song to big applause.","Host: \"Someone get my heart. That girl's ripped it right out. - Okay, I know I'm probably going to regret this. In fact, being prescient, I'm actually sure of it. There is one way. It-it's a bit of a quest - and - it will probably kill you.\"","Angel: \"I'll take it.\"","Host writes down an address: \"Alright, big fella, you asked for it. You're about to face the hell and the high water. - Go to this address.\"","Angel: \"What is it?\"","Host: \"It's were we find out if you're really ready to take the plunge.\" Angel and Darla walk up to a pool.","Angel laughing: \"Well, here we are.\"","Darla: \"I don't think this is right.\"","Angel: \"Well, he said I had to take the plunge.\"","Darla: \"Into an empty pool?\"","Angel: \"Sure. 'cause if you had water, you'd get all wet and miss out on all that skull crushing.\"","Darla: \"Maybe he meant another pool.\"","Angel: \"Something in a Koi pond. They're were Zen. Nah, he's must testing me. It's that whole leap of faith thing.\" Angel walks up onto the diving board.","Darla: \"Then don't do it. Angel, some green horned lounge singer asks you to do something and you just do it? - Why?\" Angel just looks at her.","Angel taking a deep breath: \"I'm either coming back with a cure - or you're about to see something kinda funny.\" Takes a running step, bounces off the end of the board and takes a header into the empty pool. But instead of hitting the bottom he disappears through it with a blue crackle, and tucks and rolls back to his feet in a dungeon like chamber.","Jeeves: \"Well, we certainly have faith. Now we'll test your valor.\" Angel turns to see a guy looking like a butler in a black suit and tie standing there.","Jeeves: \"I shall be assisting you with the trials, sir.\" Angel looks to the side and there is Darla.","Angel: \"Darla. Why is she here?\"","Jeeves: \"You wish to save her life?\"","Angel: \"Yes.\"","Jeeves: \"She is your collateral then. Should you complete all three trials, she will be made - whole.\"","Angel: \"What happens if I don't complete the trials?\"","Jeeves: \"She dies instantly. - In the mean time, Darla, you can relax with an iced beverage in our - antechamber.\" Darla suddenly disappears.","Angel: \"No.\"","Jeeves: \"Oh, it's better this way, sir. I a few moments no living thing will be safe in here.\"","Angel: \"You can't. Nobody said that she would...\"","Jeeves: \"Oh, I'm sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but *life* is the bargain here, you have place hers in the balance (We hear a growl and Angel glance at the gate in the wall behind him) along with your own, of course. Anyway, you best get ready now, sir. This is no time to be dwelling on the negative.\"","Jeeves: \"Your trials will consist of three separate challenges. I'll need your shirt and shoes.\" Angel takes off his coat and shirt and throws them at Jeeves.","Angel: \"Unarmed combat?\"","Jeeves: \"Well - you'll be unarmed, yes.\"","Angel: \"Okay. Three challenges. - What are they?\"","Jeeves: \"That's for you to discover, sir. - Uhm, shoes and socks, please.\" Angel takes them off and hands them to Jeeves.","Angel: \"I'm thinking you've seen this play before. Give me something I can work with.\"","Jeeves: \"I've never given information to a challenger before.\"","Angel: \"How many of them have asked?\"","Jeeves: \"Well, in theory, the first test is child's play. Once that gate opens, all you have to do is walk through it.\"","Angel: \"That's it? What's the catch?\"","Jeeves: \"Yes, well, uhm, that would be telling, wouldn't it?\"","Angel: \"Okay, that's one. What's two and three?\"","Jeeves: \"Oh, I really wouldn't know about the last tow tests, sir. I've never seen anyone survive the first one. - Best of luck.\" Jeeves disappears the way Darla did earlier. The gate rises and an ugly yellow demon, armed with a sword and two chains with sharp hooks at the ends walks in.","Angel: \"You must be the catch.\" The demon swings the chains around trying to hook Angel, but he manages to avoid them. Then Angel runs up the wall and around the outside of one of the arced doorways ringing the chamber (very cool stunt this) trying to get by the demon and reach the door. But the demon hooks one of Angel's thighs and drags him across the floor towards him. Standing next to Darla in the ante-chamber, Jeeves is looking at his pocket watch.","Jeeves: \"Seventeen seconds. Already twice the time most others have lasted.\"","Darla: \"Call this off.\"","Jeeves: \"Impossible. Once the tests have started they can't be stopped.\"","Darla: \"I need to see what's happening - now.\"","Jeeves: \"If you insist. But please remember - you did ask.\" He touches Darla's forehead and there is a short flash of light. Angel's head rocks back as the demon hits him and Darla's head moves as well as she flinches. We cut back between Darla and Angel getting hit and it looks like Darla feels every hit connecting. The demon hits Angel a few more times then kicks him in the side. The demon lets go of the chain hooked into Angel's thigh and pulls out his sword. Angel pulls the hook out and catches the sword on the chain then scrambles to his feet. He runs through one of the arced doorways into the narrow corridor circling the chamber. The demon runs after him, but Angel has disappeared. As the demon stops, Angel drops down behind him (he had wedged himself between the walls above him) and hits him with a hard right then turns and runs back into the chamber. The demon runs through another arc, but Angel is waiting just inside the chamber beside it and rips the sword from his grip and cuts him across the waist. The two halves fall to the ground and Angel breathes a sigh of relief. As does Darla. She shakes her head and smiles at Jeeves, who only raises his eyebrows at her. Angel limps over to the gate, but it stays closed. Angel strains against it.","Angel: \"Hey! I defeated him! Open up!\" He hears a growl and turns to see the top half of the demon hand-walk over to his legs and pull them against his cut as if he was putting on a pair of pants. While Angel (and Darla in the chamber) watch in horror, the two halves merge. Darla flinches as the Demon comes at Angel swinging both hooks, but Angel quickly manages to cut him in half again. He hooks the bottom half, drags it to the wall and loops the chain over a light fixture. Drags the chain wrapped top half to the opposite wall and hangs it off another light fixture. The demon growls and twitches but can't free his hands from the chains. The Gate rises and Angel limps through it. In the antechamber Darla is breathing heavily, as Jeeves checks his watch again.","Darla: \"Is this how a guy like you gets his rocks off?\"","Jeeves: \"Oh, I have no feelings about this contest one way or another, miss. - Do you?\" The gate comes back down behind Angel, leaving him facing a long dark corridor. The ceiling opens to let the moonlight in and Angel sees that the floor and walls of it are covered with crosses in all shapes and sizes. About half way down there is a basin on a pedestal and a door at the other end of it. Jeeves is eating a cookie.","Darla: \"Why don't you just kill him if you want him dead.\"","Jeeves: \"We don't *want* anything, miss. In this place, the journey is all. Where it may lead is not our concern.\" Angel takes a deep breath and runs as fast as he can with his skewered thigh along the corridor. Hisses of steam rise with each of his steps as the crosses burn his bare feet. He passes the basin, gives it a passing glance, stumbles and lands full length on the floor, screaming as the crosses burn his bare skin. He pushes himself up, burning his hands. Darla flinches, wide-eyed. Angel makes it to the door, but it's locked. He turns, limps back to the basin. It's filled with water and there is a key at the bottom of it.","Darla: \"Holy Water!\" Angel plunges his right hand into the water, screaming as the water boils around his arm, fishes the key out. His arm and hand holding it look like raw meat. He makes it back to the door and unlocks it. Jeeves is checking his watch again.","Jeeves: \"He's quite remarkable.\"","Darla: \"Yes - he is.\" Angel limps into the next chamber, grimacing with the pain. Chains shoot out and manacles clamp around his wrists and ankles then pull tight leaving him spread-eagled. Jeeves enters clapping his hands.","Jeeves: \"Well played! You fielded our strokes from end to end. My hat's off to you, sir. Of course there is one final challenge.\" Jeeves turns to look at the wall facing Angel as rows upon rows of stakes poke out of it.","Angel: \"What is this?\"","Jeeves: \"I think you know, sir.\" Angel, breathing hard, is staring at the stakes. Darla, breathing hard, closes her eyes.","Angel: \"Stakes? You call this (starts coughing) a test? The only way this can work is you kill me, huh?\"","Jeeves: \"Exactly. You do understand - this third test has no catch, as you out it. Death is the final challenge. - We can't restore one life without taking another. You see? In order for Darla to live, you must die.\"","Jeeves: \"I apologize for any discomfort this may be causing. I really - can't imagine the pain.\"","Angel: \"How about we switch places and we won't have to, huh?\"","Jeeves: \"Oh, my death wouldn't balance a thing, sir. Yours on the other hand...\"","Angel: \"I die, Darla lives.\"","Jeeves: \"Yes. I'm unaware of any deities the vampire worships, but if you'd like to pray (pulls a lever and the stakes pull back, spring-loaded into place) now would be the time.\"","Darla shakes her head: \"Don't do this.\"","Angel staring at the stakes: \"What are you waiting for?\"","Jeeves: \"For you, sir. I can't proceed without your permission. You've earned a choice. Accept your death so she may live or...\"","Angel yelling: \"Or what?!\"","Jeeves: \"Leave. - Refuse the challenge and walk away. No one will stop you. Our doors are all open to you. You've done that yourself.\"","Angel: \"What about Darla?\"","Jeeves: \"Oh, she dies.\"","Angel: \"No deal.\"","Jeeves: \"I expected as much. A pity. I'm beginning to like you.\"","Angel: \"Spare me.\"","Jeeves: \"I'd very much like to. (Steps closer) Do you mind if I ask you a question? - Isn't the world a better place with you in it? You can save so many people. It seems - she can barely save herself.\" Angel doesn't answer. Darla has a tear in her eye.","Jeeves: \"You know better than anyone he world can be a very bad place. Take yourself out, put her in - how long will it be before she stumbles, before she falls?\"","Angel: \"I don't know.\"","Jeeves: \"No - you don't. Are you still ready to give her life when she can promise you - nothing?\" Angel looks him straight in the eye: \"Yes.\" Darla licks her lips and swallows.","Jeeves: \"As you wish.\"","Darla shakes her head: \"No.\"","Angel takes a deep breath: \"Do it.\" Jeeves releases the stakes and they hurtle towards Angel.","Darla flinches and screams: \"No!\" She squirms, her eyes closed. She opens them to see Angel in front of her, once again fully dressed but panting, hunched over, barely able to stand.","Darla: \"Angel!\"","Jeeves: \"Congratulations. You've passed the third test - by accepting death. - I'm told no one's ever gone that far before - in terms of sacrifice. - Kudos.\"","Angel: \"Pay up.\"","Jeeves: \"Of course. (To Darla) You're a lucky woman, and soon you'll have your whole life ahead. - Use it wisely.\"","Angel: \"Hey, Jeeves, unless this fortune cookie crap is some new kind of torture, what you say we get on with it, huh?\" Jeeves turns to Darla and motions for her to come closer: \"This way, miss.\" He puts his hands on the sides of her head and they both close their eyes as Angel tries to straighten up so he can get a better view. Jeeves opens his eyes and lets his hands drop.","Jeeves: \"Oh.\"","Darla: \"What?\"","Angel: \"What is it?\"","Jeeves: \"This is - very embarrassing.\"","Angel: \"What is?\"","Jeeves: \"Not to mention unprecedented. She's - she's been given new life once before - by supernatural means, yes?\"","Darla nods slightly: \"They brought me back.\"","Angel: \"What are you saying?\"","Jeeves: \"I can't help you.\"","Angel: \"We had a bargain. She's earned a second chance.\"","Jeeves: \"She's living her second chance. (The wall shivers and a set of stairs leading up appears) But you played the game magnificently. (Angel gives him a dark look and Jeeves adjusts his cuffs) Perhaps you should have told us that she was brought to life - before this all started. I truly *am* sorry, sir. The fact of the matter is (Steps back and dissolves) there is nothing I can do.\" Angel doesn't move.","Darla: \"Angel...\" Suddenly Angel over turns the table with the refreshments. A demon guard tries to stop him and Angel hits him hard enough to send him flying into a wall, another guard comes up and Angel hits him, making him fall back onto the steps, then picks him up and throws him across the room. He picks up an urn and smashes it, then sweeps all the candles and stuff off a side table, then starts hitting his fist over and over against a stone pillar. The hits come slower and slower. Darla walks towards him as we see stone dust puff out from where he keeps hitting the pillar. Angel's knees give way and he slides down the pillar, resting his head against it. (Beautiful music btw.) Angel and Darla are sitting in her dingy motel room, Darla on the bed, Angel on a chair by the door.","Angel: \"Maybe it would be different. - We don't know. - Maybe, uh... because, you know, I have a soul - if-if I did bite you...\"","Darla: \"No.\"","Angel: \"We don't know what it would do to you.\"","Darla: \"Angel, I've seen it now - everything you're going through, everything you've gone through. - I felt it. I felt how you care. The way no one's ever cared before - not for me. (Gives him a tiny smile) - That's all I need from you.\"","Angel: \"That's not enough.\"","Darla: \"It is.\"","Angel: \"How could the powers allow you to be brought back and dangle a second chance and take it away like this?\"","Darla: \"Maybe this is my second chance.\"","Angel: \"To die?\"","Darla: \"Yes. To die - the way I was supposed to die in the first place.\" They look at each other for a moment before Darla turns away drawing a shaky breath. Angel gets up and, still limping slightly, goes to sit next to her.","Angel: \"I'm not gonna leave you (Darla looks at him trying not to cry) every moment you have left - I'm gonna be by your side. - You're never gonna be alone again.\" He drapes his, still burned looking, right hand around her shoulder and pulls her close as she begins to cry. Suddenly the door bursts open, and a dark clad guy presses a sparking tazer against Angel's side, dropping him to the floor, while two other ones grab a hold of Darla. The first guy keeps tazering Angel, while a fourth tapes his hands behind his back. Lindsey walks in, grabs a hold of Angel's hair and pulls his head up.","Lindsey: \"How did you think this would end?\" Drusilla wearing a low cut, red dress, glides into the room and over to where the two guys are holding Darla. Darla struggles but can't get free. Angel watches helplessly as Dru morphs into vamp face, brushes the hair away from Darla's neck and bites her. As Lindsey watches, Darla slides down onto the bed and Dru sits down next to her. Looking at Angel, Dru scratches a bloody line across her breast then picks Darla up and presses her mouth over it, holding her like a suckling babe,as Angel watches, unable to do anything.","FADE TO BLACK"],"Show Title":"Angel","Episode Number":"02x09","Episode Title":"The Trial","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Angel_02x10.json","Recap":["Angel is desperate to find Darla before she rises as a vampire. Unfortunately, Drusilla is working with Wolfram and Hart to make sure that Angel can't stop Darla's \"rebirth.\" The gang at Angel Inc. becomes more and more concerned about Angel's growing darkness. Especially, when he makes a drastic and controversial decision regarding some Wolfram and Hart lawyers."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Angel: \"There are forces at work here that you know nothing about.\"","Kate: \"You think I'm gonna stand by while you and your playmate finish the game?\"","Kate: \"Police. Nobody move.\" Kate shoots at Angel, Angel bites her, Kate see Menlo's gun pointed at her.","Angel whispers: \"Stay down or they'll kill you.\" Kate slides to the floor and after a moment her eyes drift shut. Kate puts her hand over the bite mark as she looks out the window next to her desk.","Holland: \"Darla. How are you?\"","Darla: \"I'm fine, Holland.\"","Angel: \"They brought her back and now I need to know why. Why like this? Why human?\"","Angel: \"You've been given a second chance. Don't throw that away before you have the opportunity...\"","Darla: \"I'm dying.\"","Lindsey: \"Syphilitic heart condition. Terminal.\"","Angel: \"I'm not gonna leave you. Every moment you have left, I'm gonna be by your side. You're never gonna be alone again.\" Lindsey and his goons burst in, taser Angel, restrain Darla.","Lindsey: \"How did you think this would end?\" Dru walks in and vamps Darla while Angel watches, unable to prevent it. Gunn walks into the Hyperion's lobby supporting Angel. Through the doors to the garden court we can see that it is bright day outside.","Gunn: \"We're almost there. We're almost there. Yo! Anybody home?\"","Cordy hurrying down the steps: \"Oh my God! Angel!\"","Wesley: \"What happened?\"","Gunn: \"I don't know. He's been kind of in and out. I only got half the story. The half that didn't make sense.\"","Wesley: \"Angel?\" He walks Angel over to the sofa, with Wesley helping on Angel's other side.","Angel: \"It's no, it's no time. No, no time.\"","Wesley: \"Okay. Okay. Let's sit him down here.\" They drop Angel onto the sofa.","Cordy: \"Where was he?\"","Gunn: \"Coming from the motel.\"","Cordy: \"*Darla's* motel?\"","Angel: \"Should have heard them.\"","Gunn: \"I managed to get him to the truck without him bursting into flames or anything.\"","Wesley: \"He's hurt.\"","Gunn: \"Place was a wreck. Something went down there, something not good.\"","Wesley: \"Angel?\"","Angel: \"I was just so - so tired.\"","Cordy: \"Where is Darla?\"","Gunn: \"I don't know. She wasn't there.\"","Cordy: \"I knew it. She did this to him. I knew she couldn't be trusted!\"","Angel: \"She's dead.\"","Cordy: \"What?!\"","Angel: \"I should have stopped them. They made her drink.\"","Wesley: \"Angel?\"","Angel: \"She didn't want to. You think - that you can resist, but then it's-it's-it's too late.\"","Wesley: \"Someone made Darla drink?\"","Angel: \"It was her.\"","Cordy: \"Okay, way too many pronouns here. Who's 'her'?\" Angel pushes himself up off the couch: \"Drusilla.\"","Cordy: \"Drusilla's here?\"","Wesley: \"Good Lord.\" They follow Angel into the office.","Gunn: \"Who's Drusilla?\" Angel starts to look through his desk for something.","Wesley: \"Angel? - Angel...\"","Gunn: \"Am I right in guessing this Drusilla got a set of teeth on her?\"","Wesley: \"Yes. She's a vampire.\"","Gunn: \"I think I'm starting to get the picture now.\" Angel slams the drawer of his desk shut. Cordy winces.","Wesley to Angel: \"Perhaps you should sit down.\"","Angel: \"I have to find her.\"","Cordy: \"Drusilla?\" Angel starts to search through a cabinet behind the desk.","Gunn: \"She probably ain't in *there*.\"","Cordy: \"He's delirious.\"","Angel: \"I can save her.\"","Wesley: \"Save whom?\"","Angel: \"Darla.\" Wesley crouches down beside him while Angel continues to frantically search through the cabinet.","Wesley: \"Angel, if what you've been saying is so there's no saving Darla. It's too late.\"","Angel: \"It's not too late!\" Wesley puts a hand on Angel's shoulder: \"It is! She's dead already and come nightfall she will rise again.\"","Angel: \"She won't. (He stands up spinning a big wood stake in his hand) I can save her from that.\" Intro. Gunn is pacing while Wesley is working on the laptop.","Gunn: \"Okay. I'm still trying to get this family tree straight. - Darla sired Angel.\"","Wesley: \"Correct.\"","Gunn: \"And Angel sired this Drusilla?\"","Wesley: \"Back when he and Darla were together, yes.\"","Gunn: \"But before Angel got his soul back, right?\"","Wesley looking up: \"Certainly.\"","Gunn: \"Now these lawyers, they brought Darla back as human. Now this Drusilla-vamp goes and bites Darla?\"","Wesley: \"So it would seem.\"","Gunn: \"Making her a vampire again.\"","Wesley sitting back: \"That's the cosmological upshot, yes. Darla's human self has died and sometime before dawn, unless Angel can stop it, she will rise again, a soulless demon.\"","Gunn: \"So that means...\"","Wesley goes back to typing: \"The clock is ticking.\"","Gunn: \"No, no, what I'm saying is, that means the granddaughter remade the grandmother.\"","Wesley: \"Oh... - yes.\"","Gunn: \"Man, somehow that weirds me out more than the whole bloodsucking thing.\" Angel walks in, grabs a clear container of blood out of the small office fridge.","Wesley: \"How do you feel?\"","Angel takes a drink: \"What do you got?\"","Wesley: \"Uhm, sunset is at 5:47 P.M. which is (looks at his watch) *was* six minutes ago, and sunrise is at 6:15 A.M.\" Angel has almost finished the blood in the container.","Angel: \"It could happen anytime before then. (To Cordy) Anything?\" Cordy gets up from behind the desk she has been sitting at and comes over.","Cordy: \"Lindsey McDonald's assistant says he *is* in the office, but he's in a meeting. Has been all day.\"","Angel: \"Right.\" Angel sets the unfinished container of blood on the table next to Wesley and goes to put on his coat, while Gunn looks down at the blood.","Wesley: \"Angel, you realize you can't go into those offices undetected.\"","Angel: \"And I'm not going to. That's what they want me to do.\"","Wesley: \"You don't believe you'd find him there anyway.\"","Angel: \"I was at the only meeting Lindsey McDonald had today.\"","Cordy: \"So where are you going then?\"","Angel turning to go: \"To his home.\"","Gunn: \"I'll go with you.\"","Wesley gets up: \"Yes. We all will.\"","Angel: \"No. You're all staying here.\"","Cordy: \"You can't go in uninvited, remember? You need *us*!\"","Angel: \"Not this time.\"","Cordy: \"So, what's the plan? Stand outside his door and make remarks?\"","Angel: \"He already invited me in once. This time when I kick that door down, I go through it - alone.\" The three of them watch Angel leave. Lindsey's apartment high-rise, night. Angel kicks in Lindsey's door and stands in the doorway surveying a completely cleaned-out apartment. Slowly walks in, looking around, shaking his head, moistening his lips and swallows. Behind him a woman appears in the open door to the hall.","Woman: \"Excuse me. The open house isn't until Saturday.\"","Angel: \"The man who was living here, do you know where he went?\"","Woman walks in: \"Moved.\"","Angel: \"When?\"","Woman: \"Ah, the truck was here yesterday.\"","Angel: \"Did he leave a forwarding address?\"","Woman: \"Well, I really - can't give out...\"","Angel: \"This is an emergency. It's regarding a - a mutual friend who's in need of some immediate - medical attention.\"","Woman: \"Well, he's asked that I - forward everything to his place of employment. - Do you know where that is?\"","Angel: \"Yeah. (Starts to leave) - Thanks.\"","Woman: \"This is about the - cousin, isn't it?\"","Angel turns back: \"Cousin?\"","Woman: \"That sweet, but very odd English girl who was visiting him?\"","Angel: \"Yeah. Yes, it is.\"","Woman: \"I knew that pregnancy was in trouble the moment she told me about it. Thin as a rail. Couldn't be healthy - for the baby.\"","Angel: \"She said she was having a baby?\"","Woman: \"She was very excited about getting the nursery ready for the birth. I offered to show her some two-bedroom...\"","Angel (to himself): \"Of course. Dru would want the ritual.\"","Woman: \"...but she wasn't interested. I-I think she wanted something on the west side anyway. She insisted that her daughter would be born near the stars.\"","Angel: \"Stars.\"","Woman: \"Well, she's foreign. I explained to her you can live your whole life in Los Angeles and never even see a star.\" Dru pushes open an overhead window with a long rod, looking straight up into the camera.","Dru: \"I can hear them singing to me.\" We get a shot of the starry night sky then see Lindsey looking at Darla's body laid out on top of a greenhouse table.","Lindsey: \"So this place works for you?\"","Dru: \"Oh, yeah. (She moves one hand in a circular motion above Darla's body) Grandmother is very pleased with it. - I can tell. - Aren't you, Grandmother? (Leans down over Darla) My daughter.\"","Lindsey: \"Can she hear you?\"","Dru turns to him: \"She's *dead.*\"","Lindsey: \"Oh - of course.\"","Dru: \"Shh, just for now.\" Lilah walks in, followed by Holland. Lilah leaning in close to Lindsey: \"Think maybe *now* you've got a shot with her?\"","Lindsey: \"Lilah...\"","Lilah: \"Don't let me interrupt you.\"","Holland: \"Drusilla, you are positively glowing.\"","Dru: \"I'm going to be a mummy.\"","Holland: \"Yes. Yes, you are. Is there anything you need? Anything at all?\"","Dru: \"No.\"","Holland: \"Well if you find you do, you know how to get in touch with us. Now we would all *love* to - stay for the birth, but we have a previous engagement we must prepare for.\"","Dru: \"I have preparations to make myself.\"","Holland: \"Of course you do, and we'll leave you to it then.\" Holland leaves, gathering Lilah up with a look, then notices that Lindsey, instead of following, is just standing there looking down at Darla.","Holland: \"Lindsey?\"","Lindsey: \"Ah, maybe I should stay.\"","Holland: \"This is a *family* matter, Lindsey. We best leave it that way.\" Lindsey hesitates for a moment as Dru starts to sing to Darla, then follows Holland out.","Dru: \"Run and catch, run and catch, the lamb is caught in the blackberry patch.\" Dru looks down at Darla and starts to giggle. Cordy hands Angel some sheets of paper.","Cordy: \"Okay, here's the list of local cemeteries, funeral homes and mausoleums.\"","Gunn: \"You telling me we got to go to every one of these places and start digging up fresh graves?\"","Angel: \"Drusilla will want to put the body in the ground.\"","Wesley: \"Angel, are you certain about this? A burial isn't necessary for a newly made vampire to...\"","Angel: \"It would be for Drusilla. She's a classicist.\"","Cordy: \"She's a loony.\"","Angel: \"Forget mausoleums. Stick with cemeteries, something with a view of the night sky.\"","Cordy: \"So, just outside cemeteries then.\"","Angel turning away: \"Yeah.\"","Gunn: \"Doesn't narrow it down much.\"","Wesley: \"If it's just a burial she's after - one doesn't need a cemetery for that, I'm afraid, just - *dirt* really.\"","Cordy: \"Still not narrowing. Whole planet? Pretty much made up of dirt.\"","Angel: \"Maybe I'm looking at this wrong. - Dru doesn't see this thing as a death - but as a birth. She talked about getting the nursery ready.\"","Wesley: \"Angel, I fear you may be looking for a logical pattern in the rantings of someone who doesn't think logically.\"","Angel: \"Soil. - Soil near the stars. She said she wanted to be near the stars. She used to - talk to the stars. She spent *hours* in my garden in Sunnydale, communing with the night sky.\"","Gunn: \"Maybe she didn't mean baby nursery. - Well you said she liked the garden. Plant nursery's got the dirt - the view - and it's more of a birthplace than a death place. Maybe if we look for one up high that'll be it.\"","Cordy: \"Maybe look for one that has a relationship with Wolfram and Hart.\"","Wesley: \"Large firm like theirs, they may do business with a corporate supplier. We get an outside shot of Dru's greenhouse, sitting on top of a building. Angel drops down onto the roof and walks towards it. Inside he finds a large seedbed table filled with dirt. He runs his hands over the surface of the dirt then carefully starts to brush some of it aside at one end of the table, revealing the head of a shroud-wrapped body. He carefully pulls the thin shroud back to reveal Darla's face. He stands there, looking down at her for a moment, then pulls a stake out of his pocket. He slowly raises it with both hands, never taking his eyes off Darla. Hesitates for a moment, then raises his hands over his head and stabs down - just as Dru hits him over the head from behind with a shovel throwing him down across the seed-table. Angel turns to look who's attacking him and gets hit again, dropping him to the ground.","Dru: \"That's not a fitting gift at all for our newborn grandmummy.\" Angel tries to get up and she hits him over the head again, sending him back on all fours groaning.","Dru: \"I saw you coming, my lovely. The moon showed me. It told me to come into the twentieth century.\"","Angel slowly getting up: \"It's the Twenty-first century, Dru.\"","Dru: \"Hmm, I'm still lagging.\" She kicks the shovel up under his chin, throwing him back against the wall, just as Darla wakes with a gasp. Angel and Dru fight, and Angel is finally giving as good as he gets, while Darla is sitting up behind them, gasping and staring around the room. Angel breaks the shovel handle off in Dru's hand, knocks her down and rushes over to the table with the broken wooden handle raised, ready to stake Darla, only to see the empty indentation of her body in the dirt. He looks around for her, when he's suddenly grabbed by his throat and lifted about a foot off the ground - by Darla. He tries to remove her hand from his throat but can't budge it.","Dru: \"Now everybody's home.\" Break. Angel is still dangling in the air.","Dru: \"Baby's up from her little nap.\" Darla looks around at Dru and Angel chops down on her extended elbow, breaking her grip on him, and throws her headfirst into some planters. He quickly picks up his stake and heads for Darla, but Dru tackles him and gets the stake away from him. He kicks her off and jumps back to his feet. Dru throws him on top of one of the tables and tries to stake him with the broken shovel handle, while he rolls his upper body from side to side to avoid her stabs. Angel kicks Dru off and just manages to grab a hold of Darla before she runs out of the greenhouse. He pulls her back, and Darla turns his own motion against him, crashing them both into the table. The two of them shoot up, smashing the glass in the ceiling with their heads, then Darla tosses Angel across the room.","Dru: \"Grandmum.\" Dru puts a hand on Darla's shoulder, but Darla just tosses her away. Darla sees Angel getting back up and runs towards him and tackles him backwards through the glass wall of the greenhouse, landing them both outside on the roof. Dru jumps out through the hole and Darla, now in vamp face, tackles her to the ground and shakes her while Dru just laughs. Angel pulls Darla off Dru and tosses her across the roof, bends to pick up a stake, then goes to stake Darla. But he hesitates when he sees her, back in human face, looking around herself in confusion then up at him.","Darla: \"Angel?\" Angel pulls his arm back to stake her, but again Dru tackles him, throws him back against the greehouse. Darla gets up and runs to the edge of the roof, looks over, gets up on the edge and steps off just as Angel is getting back up. Angel runs to the edge and looks down to the street (about four to five stories below?) but there is no sign of Darla anywhere. Angel looks around the roof for Dru, but she has vanished as well. Angel comes hurrying back into the lobby where the others are waiting for his return.","Cordy: \"How'd it go?\"","Angel: \"Everyone gear up. Grab something sharp. We need to move fast.\"","Cordy: \"I'm gonna guess not great?\"","Angel: \"They're out there, both of them.\"","Wesley: \"So you did find them, then? Where are they now?\"","Angel: \"I don't know.\" Angel hands a weapon to Gunn.","Cordy: \"But you know where they're going to be?\"","Angel: \"Not exactly.\" Angel throws a crossbow towards Wesley who just catches it.","Wesley: \"But yet you have your suspicions?\"","Angel: \"Actually, I don't.\"","Cordy: \"So it's more like a hunch.\"","Angel: \"Wouldn't say hunch.\" Angel hands Cordy a stake.","Cordy: \"Would you say inkling? Please tell me you could at least say inkling.\"","Angel: \"For the moment anyway, they're separated. If we can find one of them before they join up again, we have a good chance of stopping something very ugly before it starts.\" Angel sheathes a sword and takes it with him as he walks towards the exit.","Wesley: \"Yes, but Angel, I don't think the four of us in one car patrolling a city of ten million people is going to yield results.\"","Angel turns back around: \"You're right. Which is why we're going to follow the one solid lead we have - we're going to Wolfram and Hart.\" Angel turns to go but Cordy stops him.","Cordy: \"Hitting the pause button. Wolfram and Hart, as in vampire detectors, crack security system and armed guards? Nice plan, General Custer.\"","Angel: \"Drusilla's insane, deadly, not in a good mood. Darla - she needs to feed soon, okay? And once she does she's gonna be that much stronger. Now we got two options: either we go back to the people who brought them both here in the first place, or we sit around, waiting for the bodies to start piling up. - I decided not to wait. Anyone wants to join me - my car's outside. If not, that's fine too.\"","Gunn after a beat: \"You had *me* at 'everyone gear up.'\"","Angel: \"Let's go.\" Angel turns to go with Gunn right behind him. Cordy looks at Wesley, then the two of them follow them out as well. At Wolfram and Hart, Holland walks into Lindsey's darkened office.","Holland: \"Lindsey - my wife wants to know if you're bringing a date - to the party this evening. Something about how many crab cakes to order.\"","Lindsey: \"No, I don't have a date.\" Holland takes a step closer to him: \"You've been doing stellar work, Lindsey. Don't think the Senior Partners haven't noticed.\"","Lindsey: \"Well, I'm happy to hear that, sir.\"","Holland: \"But your hard work isn't all they notice. It's also important to have - healthy attachments - outside of the office. Now I know our roles here don't allow much time to socialize. - Find the time.\"","Lindsey: \"Yes, sir.\"","Holland: \"Now. Don't be late this evening. I'm uncorking a case of 1928 Chateau Latour.\"","Lindsey with a smile: \"I wouldn't miss it.\"","Holland: \"We've all worked very hard. Nothing wrong with appreciating our success.\" Holland turns to go but stops in his tracks when Dru steps out of the shadows, carrying a doll with her.","Dru: \"I drank Chateau Latour once. (Holland looks over at Lindsey) It tasted like lion's blood.\" Holland to Dru, who shrugs slightly: \"Drusilla. I apologize (looking at Lindsey) I didn't realize you were here. (To Dru) I trust everything went as well as you hoped.\"","Dru: \"I'm very worried about Grandmum. - The building was quite tall - you know?\"","Lindsey: \"Darla's a survivor.\"","Dru: \"Angelus wasn't happy in the least.\"","Holland: \"*Angel* found you? (Looks at Lindsey) Well, not unexpected. How did he fare?\" Dru has her eyes closed and is swaying in a circle: \"Angelus is on his way here now. (Lindsey and Holland look at each other. Dru gasps and smiles) He's *very* cross.\"","Holland: \"Well, I wouldn't worry too much about that. We've taken precautions. (He walks over to Dru, who is sitting down, cradling her doll in her lap) The important thing is that we reunite you with your baby.\" The phone rings and Lindsey picks it up.","Lindsey: \"Yes? (Listens and hangs the phone back up) General alert. (Heads for the door) There's an untagged vampire in the building.\"","Holland: \"Perhaps we should take our guest to security.\" Lindsey opens the door and Darla is standing in front of it, breathing hard.","Lindsey with a slight smile: \"Darla.\" Darla steps up to him, smells his neck and puts her hands on the sides of his face.","Holland: \"Lindsey, no sudden movement.\"","Darla: \"Warm.\" Suddenly she tosses Lindsey across the room. Dru smiles and holds out her arms to her. Darla grabs a hold of her hand and runs back out of the room, dragging Dru behind.","Holland to the phone: \"Let them leave the building without incident.\" Lindsey picks himself back up, pushing his desk chair off him.","Holland: \"*Healthy* attachments, Lindsey.\" Lindsey stares after him as he leaves. Angel, driving his convertible, Gunn in the passenger seat, is speeding through the streets of L.A. tossing Cordy and Wes around in the back seat.","Wesley: \"There's no good to be done if we don't get there in one piece.\"","Angel: \"We don't have much time.\" Cordy suddenly gets hit by a vision.","Wesley: \"Angel, pull over.\"","Angel: \"I'll slow down, all right?\"","Wesley: \"No! Pull over. She's having a vision.\" Angel looks back at Cordy.","Gunn, eyes on the road: \"Tell me it ain't us she's seeing, wrapped around a lamppost.\" We get blurry flashes of a guy holding a gun.","Cordy: \"It's in the other direction. Turn around.\"","Angel: \"We're almost there!\"","Wesley: \"Angel!\"","Angel: \"She should have done this before we left the hotel.\"","Wesley and Gunn: \"Angel!\"","Angel: \"Maybe it's a false alarm.\" Cordy gives him a mean look, pulls out a stake, holds it up, aimed at him, then puts it back down. Angel spins the car around on the street and heads in the other direction. Darla and Dru are heading down a crowed sidewalk with Darla tossing Dru around.","Dru: \"Did I do something to displease you?\" Darla tosses Dru on the sidewalk. A guy tries to help Dru up, but Darla tosses him aside, then grabs a hold of Dru and tosses her over a parked car onto the road. Dru stands up, only to get hit by a honking car. Dru rolls down the street a ways and a blonde woman gets out of the car and hurries towards her as Dru slowly gets back up. The woman takes one look at Dru and runs off as Darla comes and slams Dru down on the hood of the car.","Dru: \"Grandmother, what?\" Darla hits her, making her stumble into the path of another car that manages to swerve around her, tires screeching. Darla grabs a hold of Dru again.","Dru: \"Don't be angry.\" Darla slams her up against the side of the car.","Darla: \"Why?\"","Dru: \"For you. All for you. I thought it was what you wanted - to be saved.\" Darla looks at Dru (a guy in red pickup truck keeps honking his horn to get them to move out of the road) and slowly takes a step back, letting her hands drop from Dru's shoulders.","Dru crying: \"All alone. All alone in the dirt. - We've lost our way and the little worm won't dance if he's told to. (Starts to sob) No. No.\" Darla pushes Dru's hair out of her face, then slowly takes her in her arms to comfort her, softly stroking her hair and letting Dru cry. The guy gets out of the pickup.","Guy: \"You two wanna move it out of the street? (Dru and Darla turn to look at him, pulling slightly apart) Yeah, that's right, sweetheart. Why don't you and your girlfriend take the make-out session on home. (Darla walks up to him) The rest of us have lives.\" Darla looks him up and down, shakes her head and vamps.","Darla: \"Not for long.\" She grabs him and feeds, drops him to the ground and turns back to Dru with a smile, back in human face.","Dru: \"You're all new again.\"","Darla: \"Let's go shopping, hmm?\" She takes a hold of Dru's hand and the two of them walk off down the road, giggling. Break","[SCENE_BREAK]","A boombox is playing loud heavy metal music. There is a patched together poster covering the wall and candles, a turtle shell and other paraphernalia set out on the workbench in front of it. The guy from Cordy's vision is sitting before it cradling a gun.","Guy: \"Morgog - I worship you. - Ruler of the universe, I will throw out my worthless life to you - Morgog... (Angel and Co. walk in and he spins his chair around to face them) What do you want?\"","Wesley: \"We're here to help.\"","Guy: \"No! I-I have to do this. Morgog commands me. (Angel throws at look a Cordy and shakes his head) His will be done. Morgog... (As Angel walks towards the boombox, sitting on top of a barrel) Don't! (Angel stops) Stay back.\"","Cordy to Angel: \"Easy, Boss. This kid's ready to snap, crackle *and* pop. I felt it in my vision. We've really got to handle this one with care. You know, delicate... (Angel throws the boombox at the altar, causing the guy to dive off his chair and ending the music) ...ly.\" Guy comes up on his knees: \"Jeez! Oh, jeez!\" Angel grabs the gun and twists it from his hand.","Angel: \"Listen I'm not here to hurt you, kid, okay? And Morgog's not the way. (Dumps the bullets out of the gun into his hand) Morgog couldn't find his way to his hairy spine-hump without a roadmap! So, don't go killing yourself, he's not worth it. And you've got, you know (looks around the garage) a million - reasons - to live - I bet. Okay? (Tosses the gun into a barrel of used oil) Got it? Good.\" Cordy crouches down by the guy, cradling his right hand while Angel walks away. Wesley steps in front of him.","Wesley: \"Angel, we're not done here.\"","Angel: \"I am.\"","Wesley: \"The Powers That Be must have had a good reason for sending us here.\"","Angel: \"I don't have time to figure that out.\"","Gunn: \"Maybe that's the plan. Maybe they're trying to keep you from going on this mission.\"","Wesley: \"In any case *that* young man still clearly needs our help!\"","Angel: \"Go help him. I got more important things to do, okay?\" Wesley looks at Gunn as Angel walks out. Dru is giggling, walking her fingers down a clothes rack in the Panache Boutique. She picks a black, sheer piece and turns to Darla.","Dru: \"Can I have it? Can I?\"","Darla: \"Of course, dear, but a little color would bring out your eyes more. Such pretty eyes.\"","Dru: \"Men are drawn to them.\"","Darla: \"Aren't they, though? Oh. (Hands Dru a hat) Here.\" Dru puts it on and we hear a phone ringing.","Dru: \"Oh. I'm ringing. - Do you hear it? (Starts to dance in place) I'm ringing - all - over! (Darla watches her for a moment then reaches down into the front of Dru's dress and pulls out a cell phone.) Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.\"","Darla opens the phone: \"Hello, Holland.\"","Holland: \"Darla. (We see that he is in Lindsey's office and Lilah and Lindsey are there as well) Feeling better I trust?\"","Darla: \"Like my old self again.\"","Holland: \"Splendid. I understand you girls have been on a little spree.\"","Darla: \"Hmm, is that a problem?\"","Holland: \"Oh, on the contrary (We see Darla looking down at the drained body of a woman) As a matter of fact, I was just thinking - why settle for a spree, when you could have - a - say - a massacre?\"","Darla: \"A massacre?\" Dru licks her lips and smiles at Darla: \"Ooh, I like the sound of that.\"","Holland: \"Now, of course you'd have the full weight and support of Wolfram and Hart squarely behind you.\"","Darla: \"I appreciate that Holland.\"","Holland: \"Oh, not at all, Darla. That's what we're here for.\" Darla hangs up the phone as Dru poses in a red coat with a thick fur trim.","Dru: \"Do you like it? Am I pretty then?\"","Darla: \"As a picture. Now if we could only get some shoes to go with it. Oh, excuse me, Miss? (Steps over the dead body and looks down at a whimpering woman who is pulling herself along across the floor) Any shoe suggestions for my friend's ensemble? (The woman just keeps crying) I said, excuse me-customer with a question here!\" When the woman still just keeps sobbing and crawling, Darla puts her bare foot on her back and reaches down and snaps her neck.","Darla: \"Service in this place is really unacceptable.\" Dru plays with her hair then bends to examine a necklace, while Darla goes back to looking at dresses. Lindsey's office.","Lilah: \"Those two should keep Angel busy for some time.\"","Lindsey: \"Yeah, until he kills them.\"","Holland: \"Oh, I think he'll find that course of action more difficult than even *he* realizes. - Regardless, Lilah's correct. We won't have to worry about Angel anymore.\" At that moment Angel, holding on to a rope, crashes through the window into Lindsey's office, scattering glass everywhere, then jumps to grab a hold of Lindsey.","Angel: \"Dru and Darla, where are they?\"","Holland: \"Angel! I don't believe we've had the pleasure. (Offers his hand) Holland Manners.\"","Angel: \"I'd be careful who you offer that hand to, Mr. Manners. You might just lose it. Isn't that right, Lindsey?\"","Lindsey: \"There's worse things to lose, aren't there?\" Angel pushes Lindsey away and turns to Holland.","Angel: \"So you're the one pulling the strings around here?\"","Holland: \"A few of them. I am division head of Special Projects.\"","Angel: \"Special projects like Darla.\"","Holland: \"Oh, Darla's just a tool. Means to an end. (Angel steps closer to Holland as the door opens and a bunch of security guards file in and surround Angel) You're the project.\"","Angel quietly: \"I can crush the life out of you before they even lift a finger.\"","Holland: \"Oh, I'm sure you can. Just as sure as I am that you won't.\"","Angel: \"Won't I?\"","Holland: \"You don't kill humans.\"","Angel: \"You don't qualify. You set things in motion, play your little games up here in your glass and chrome tower, and people die - innocent people.\"","Holland: \"And yet I just can't seem to care. (Angel stares at him and Holland smiles ever so slightly) But you do. And while you're making threats, wasting time, crashing through windows, your girls are out painting the town red, red, red.\"","Angel: \"Where?\"","Holland: \"Well, that would be telling. In any case you may want to hurry. So many lives hanging in the balance, waiting for their champion to save them.\" Angel glances around him at the guards holding Tasers and stakes at the ready.","Angel: \"Hm-mm. As if you're just gonna let me walk out of here, huh?\"","Holland: \"As a matter of fact, I am. You misunderstand us, Angel. We don't want you dead - yet. If we did - you wouldn't be standing here. (to the guards) Would you please escort our guest out of the building. (to Angel) I would - walk you out myself, but I'm running a little late for a wine tasting at my home, and - just so we're clear on the matter - you're not invited.\" Holland walks out. Angel tenses as the guards push him towards the door but then lets them lead him out. The guards and Lindsey escort Angel out the front door of Wolfram and Hart.","Lindsey: \"I'll send you a bill for the window and the shirt.\"","Angel: \"Yeah, you do that, and after I stop Darla and Dru (two cops come up and handcuff Angel's hands behind him) I might come back to pay you in person.\"","Lindsey: \"Yeah, go do your little champion of justice thing and then come back and see me - if you make bail. Give him a nice holding cell, officers. With a window - southern exposure preferred. - The firm may not want you dead, but I'm cool with it.\" The cops push Angel into the back of an unmarked cop car - with Kate sitting in the back seat.","Angel: \"Perfect. (The car pulls into traffic) - So, how do you want to do this? Should I escape now or wait till you transfer me to another holding cell, because I'm really not...\"","Kate: \"Two people were just murdered in a clothing store at Fifth and Hill. Preliminary reports say that two women were spotted leaving the scene. One of them matches the description of your pal Darla. - They're not done, are they?\"","Angel after a beat: \"No. - Why are you telling me this?\"","Kate: \"Because I don't think I can stop them. - Maybe you can. (To driver) Pull over.\" She pulls out a key and Angel twists so she can unlock his cuffs. The car stops and Angel looks at Kate for a moment, then gets out. The doorbell rings at the Manners mansion and Catherine goes to answer it.","Catherine: \"Lindsey, welcome!\"","Lindsey hands her some flowers: \"Good evening, Catherine.\"","Catherine: \"Thanks. Come on. Holland's downstairs lording it over his wine cellar. (They both laugh) These are lovely. Thank you.\" Holland holding a glass of wine is surrounded by men and women in business suits scattered around a nicely appointed room.","Holland: \"And the Senior Partners have informed me that they are very, very pleased - with the work our division has been doing. (Lindsey enters and a wine steward hands him a glass) Things have been progressing nicely - and ahead of schedule - I might add. I would be remiss without extending well-earned praise to the two members of our team who have made it possible (holds up his glass): Lilah Morgan and Lindsey McDonald.\" Everyone drinks and some also say a soft \"Hear, hear.\"","Lilah: \"Thank you, Holland.\" Lindsey sets his empty glass on the wine steward's tray.","Holland: \"Now it's no secret that our work is but one small element in a much larger, greater plan - one which the Senior Partners hope t...\" We hear footsteps and Holland looks over at the open door. Everyone turns to look as well and sees Dru and Darla, dressed in their newly acquired clothes, walking in.","Holland with a forced smile: \"Ladies. How...\"","Darla: \"Your wife was kind enough to invite us in, Holland.\"","Holland: \"Ah.\"","Dru: \"Very sweet she was - like clover (licks a bit of blood from the corner of her lips) and honey.\" Holland's smile disappears.","Darla: \"Just think of it as our way of giving you what you want.\"","Holland: \"What would I...\"","Darla: \"I believe you said something about - (Darla looks over at Dru and they both go vamp face) - a massacre.\" Break Angel walks up the sidewalk to the yellow tape roping off Dru and Darla's shopping spree. He passes between the cop cars parked in front of it and one of the plainclothes detectives gives him a hard look as he walks by. In the store there is a person taking crime scene photos and a black cop gathering up a broken necklace from the floor into an evidence bag. He straightens up and scans the store behind him in the mirrors right in front of him. No one is there but as he bends back down to his work we see that Angel is actually standing right behind him. Angel looks around for a moment, then moves on. In Holland's wine cellar, vamp faced Darla and Dru survey the gathering.","Dru: \"Pretty lawyers all in a row.\"","Holland: \"I'm glad you're alive Darla. I'm glad we were able to save you.\"","Darla: \"Are you? I guess you really care about me as a person. I guess I owe all of you. - The *whole* team.\" Darla chuckles. Dru is walking up to Lilah, who is sitting on a chair a pace away from Lindsey. Dru running her hand along Lilah's jaw: \"You have beautiful skin.\"","Lilah: \"I moisturize.\" Dru bends down so her face is level with Lilah's: \"That was very thoughtful of you.\" Darla steps up close to Holland: \"You - brought me back as human - a dying one at that. Let me wallow with a soul, then sent me crawling back to Angel, begging him to restore me.\"","Holland: \"Which he should have done right away. - But I miscalculated, I - I thought he cared more than he did.\"","Darla: \"Like you do.\" Darla giggles.","Dru: \"Grandmum won't eat (lifts both hands up besides her head and opens and closes them a couple of times) the double speak.\"","Darla: \"No. No, she won't eat *that.*\" Angel walks through a curtain into the hall with the store's fitting rooms. He carefully opens one of the doors to reveal a woman crouching in one corner, her hands pressed over her ears. She gasps at the sight of him.","Angel: \"It's okay. It's okay. It's all over. They're gone now.\"","Woman not looking at Angel: \"They killed those people.\"","Angel: \"I know. The police are here now. They're gonna take care of you. - You were in here the entire time.\"","Woman, nodding slightly: \"I needed a new dress for the office party. This one was too expensive, but - I couldn't make up my mind and then... I kept thinking they were gonna come in here to kill me, too.\"","Angel: \"I know. - Did you see or hear any of it?\"","Woman: \"I mostly heard. - I guess I was lucky 'cause of the party.\"","Angel: \"You'll be okay. You'll make your party.\"","Woman: \"No. Their party. They were in a hurry to get to it.\"","Angel: \"They said something about a party?\"","Woman nods slightly: \"A tasting.\"","Angel after a beat: \"Why don't you just, uhm, go on outside and find an officer. - You'll be okay.\" He holds out a hand to her and she slowly gets up and lets him help her past him.","Woman: \"Thank you.\" She looks down at the store's dress she is still wearing as she walks past him.","Woman: \"It was just too much.\"","Dru: \"I hear the sirens. (sniffs) They don't know if the world will be there in the morning.\"","Lilah quietly to Lindsey: \"Do you hear the sirens? Are-are the police coming?\" Lindsey looks back at her and shakes his head slightly: \"No. - She senses what this place was built for.\"","Holland: \"Ah, yes. Drusilla, you're quite right. This was originally a bomb shelter in the fifties. We had it converted. Wine has always been *my* - passion.\" Darla giggles.","Dru: \"People - huddled together, crouching in fear.\"","Holland: \"Yes, yes. I imagine that's what it would have been like in a war.\"","Darla: \"No. Now. - She means now.\"","Holland: \"Aha. (Chuckles) I guess I stepped into that one. - Listen Darla - I am *sorry* that you had to suffer, but look at what's come out of it. - You've been restored. You're a superior being. You can have anything you want. And there's not a person in this room who won't work (looks at the lawyers then back at Darla) round the clock - to see that you get it.\"","Darla: \"Hmm. Gung-ho, are they? Because all I'm sensing right now is big, stinky fear. (Smiles in Holland's face then turns to Lindsey) But not from you. (Walks over to him) Do you know what I'm getting from you, Lindsey? (Leans in close to his neck, exposing her fangs as if to bite him, then pulls back) Nothing. Why aren't you afraid?\"","Lindsey: \"I don't know.\"","Darla: \"You could die here. Chances are you will.\"","Lindsey: \"I know.\"","Darla: \"And you don't care.\"","Lindsey: \"I care. - I guess I just don't mind.\"","Holland with a forced laugh: \"No one's going to die here. This is just a friendly get-together amongst colleagues. (Dru is dancing around Holland's back) We're all on the same - side.\"","Darla with a sigh: \"I love this room. Dru, honey, in our new digs (goes over to Dru to put one arm around her and another around Holland) we *have* to put in a people cellar.\" Holland smiles, but the smile fades quickly. Angel walks up to the open front door of the Manners mansion and sees a blood trail on the beige carpet, leading to where Catherine is lying on the floor. Catherine lifts her head a little: \"Help us.\"","Dru: \"Daddy's home.\" Angel walks down the steps to the cellar, stops outside the open door to the former bomb shelter.","Darla: \"Angelus. - Here for the tasting?\"","Dru: \"Look what we have for you. (Angel doesn't react) It's not Daddy. It's never Daddy. (Hisses at him) It's the Angel-beast.\"","Darla: \"Come to punish us?\"","Dru: \"Yeah, yeah. (Lifts her hands as if they were tied above her head) Spank us till Tuesday (growls) We promise to be bad if you do.\"","Holland: \"Angel...\"","Angel to Darla: \"I'm sorry I didn't get to you in time.\"","Darla: \"I'm not.\" Dru caressing the side of her face: \"He's soul-sick. Not even thinking about his own family. (Pulls one of the men over by his hair) Only thinking about them.\" Darla takes a step towards Angel: \"Come on, love. I never did get that good-bye kiss.\"","Angel: \"You will. - But not tonight.\"","Lilah getting up: \"For god's sake, help us.\"","Holland: \"Angel - please. - People are going to die.\"","Angel: \"And yet, somehow, I just can't seem to care.\" Holland watches wide-eyed as Angel shuts the double doors on them. Darla turns to caress Holland with a big smile on her face.","Holland: \"Angel? P-please we can negotiate. We...\" Angel slides the lock on the door shut.","Dru takes a step forward: \"Daddy.\" Lindsey has a slight smile creasing his face. Darla pulls Holland down and bites him. Angel unhurriedly walks up the steps from the cellar, ignoring the screams and sounds of fighting coming from the cellar. Angel is sitting behind his desk with Wesley, Gunn and Cordy sitting on the other side of it.","Wesley: \"And you - just walked away?\"","Angel: \"No, I walked to my car and then I drove away.\"","Gunn: \"You didn't do *anything*?\"","Wesley: \"You allowed Darla and Drusilla to have free reign.\"","Angel: \"I didn't bring either one of them into this. They did.\"","Wesley: \"You could have stopped them.\"","Angel: \"And I will.\"","Cordy: \"When? After they've finished off all the people you don't like?\"","Wesley: \"Angel, while it's certainly true that these lawyers brought this on themselves - what you did is...\"","Cordy: \"...is wrong.\"","Gunn: \"You went too far.\"","Wesley after a moment: \"We've all been worried about you, and I guess it's fair to say we all share some of the blame. - We should have spoken up sooner.\"","Gunn: \"And louder.\"","Cordy: \"You have to change the way you've been doing things. - Don't you see where this is taking you?\"","Wesley: \"Listen to her! Right now the three of us are all that's standing between you and real darkness.\"","Gunn: \"Best believe that, man.\"","Angel quietly after a beat: \"I do. - You're all fired.\" Angel gets up and walks away while the other three sit there like frozen statues.","FADE TO BLACK"],"Show Title":"Angel","Episode Number":"02x10","Episode Title":"Reunion","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Angel_02x20.json","Recap":["After Cordy is swept through a portal, Angel and Wes are desperate to get her back. They come up with a plan to go to Pylea after her. Since it's Lorne's home dimension, they insist that he come along. Gunn is hesitant to go when Wes says that they might never be able to get back to earth. Meanwhile on Pylea, Cordy is sold as a \"cow\" and meets up with another portal refugee, Fred. Then Cordy has a vision and things become even more complicated for her."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Landok comes shooting out of the portal and he and Angel fight.","Lorne: \"Landok, is that you?\"","Landok: \"Landokmar of the Deathwok clan.\"","Cordy: \"Does that mean that the two of you are...\"","Lorne: \"Cousins, yeah.\"","Director: \"Show the cleavage. Say the line. Got it? Or do you want to waste more of our time, princess?\"","Cordy: \"I just wanted to act, that's all.\" Gunn upon seeing that George is dead: \"You should've waited for me!\"","Rondell: \"We been waiting on you for months, bro.\"","Cordy to Librarian: \"We're looking for someone we think works here.\"","Librarian: \"Fred disappeared five years ago. They never found her.\" Cordy pulls a book from the shelf: \"Here it is.\" Blurry pictures of her vision of Fred getting sucked through a portal.","Cordy: \"This is the book that Fred was holding in my vision. The portal works both ways!\" Landok reading from book then getting sucked through the portal.","Wesley: \"Cordy? - Cordy?\"","Angel: \"Cordy!\" Cordy wakes up in the woods on Pylea. Wesley looks around the club for Cordy, Angel is searching behind the stage curtains.","Wesley: \"Cordy?\"","Angel: \"Cordy?\"","Wesley: \"Oh no. Oh my god, no. How could I've let this happen?\"","Angel: \"No. She's here somewhere. She's just hiding. Cordy! Cordy!\"","Wesley: \"Angel.\"","Angel: \"What?\"","Wesley: \"She's gone. - Cordy's been sucked into the portal. She's in the host's dimension now.\"","Angel to Lorne: \"Where's Cordelia?!\" Cordy gets up and brushes herself off.","Cordy: \"Angel? - Wesley! - Mr. Green-Mojo-Guy's cousin? -(Screams) Help!\" Slaps a hand over her mouth.","Cordy: \"Right. Good one, Cor. Scream *very* loudly so the hellbeasts come to you.\" Takes a deep breath then clicks her heels together three times. Nothing happens.","Cordy: \"Worth a shot. - So. - Silver lining. - It's kind of a pretty place - when you look at it: woodsy woods, sunny and mild...\" Spots a creature on a rock looking at her and growling.","Cordy: \"Giant hairy hellbeast staring at me. That's - that's incredibly frightning. Good hellbeast. You're a lazy hellbeast, aren't you? Yeas. You're gonna stay right there (Turns and begins to run) while I run for my life.\" The beast jumps from its perch on the rock and chases after her. Intro The host is behind the bar pouring himself a drink.","Lorne: \"I don't know where she is. I mean, m-my world, sure, but who knows if she's even... oh no, 'cause there's the... and the (gestures towards his head) with the (gestures again) oh (knocks the drink back in one go). God I wish I could get drunk.\"","Wesley: \"Okay, let's approach this logically.\"","Angel: \"Screw logic. We're getting Cordy back.\" Angel retrieves the book.","Angel: \"We're gonna open up another portal and we're going in after her.\"","Wesley: \"Angel, I don't think that's a good idea.\"","Angel: \"Wesley, I don't think I care.\"","Wesley: \"But we're completely unprepared. We should go back to the hotel, do some research.\" The host slowly sinks down below the level of the bar, opening and closing his mouth with no words coming out.","Angel: \"I don't wanna research, alright? I wanna jump through the big swirly hole thingy and save Cordelia!\" Angel starts to read from the book, but Wesley grabs him by the arm and pulls him around to face him.","Wesley: \"We might never be able to get back!\"","Angel quietly: \"It's Cordy.\" After a beat Wesley nods and steps back.","Angel: \"Krv Drpglr pwlz...\" Lorne's head just peaking over the bar: \"Oh crap.\"","Angel: \"...chkwrt strplmt dwghzn prqlrzn lffrmtplzt.\" The host ducks down completely as the music stops in a big crescendo - and absolutely nothing happens.","Angel: \"Maybe I have to be standing where the portal opens.\" The host peeks over the bar than disappears again as Angel walks up on the stage and starts over.","Angel: \"Krv Drpglr pwlz chkwrt strplmt dwghzn prqlrzn lffrmtplzt!\" Wesley sits down slowly as again nothing happens.","Angel: \"What, is it - out of batteries? (Turns to face the host, once again peeking over the bar) Is this thing out of batteries?!?\"","Lorne: \"I don't know. I don't know how it works.\"","Angel: \"Damn it!\" Angel throws the book down and drops to sit on the edge of the stage, takes a few deep breaths.","Angel: \"I just got her back.\"","Wesley: \"There's obviously not going to be any big swirly hole jumping without a big swirly hole.\"","Lorne: \"Yeah. Right.\"","Wesley: \"So I suggest we return to the hotel, figure out a way to make one.\"","Lorne: \"You know, maybe it's best that you can't get in.\" Wes and Angel look over at Lorne.","Angel: \"What?\"","Lorne: \"I'm just saying, my world? You-you don't want to jump into my world looking like that.\"","Angel stands up: \"Like what?\"","Lorne: \"Like a human.\" Cordy is running from the beast. The beast catches up with her and brings her down and rolls her onto her back.","Cordy: \"No, no, wait! - I'm not supposed to die like this.\" The beast begins to lick her face.","Cordy: \"Oh, thank god - and also - eww! An old demon man comes running up.","ODM: \"Come here boy. Seekul!\" With a funny sounding squeak the beast jumps off Cordy to face ODM, who holds his arms open.","ODM: \"Ha, ha, c'mere. Come on. Ha, ha.\" The beast bounces over to the old demon man. Cordy slowly picks herself up while the man pets his beast.","ODM: \"Good boy, Seekul. Yes. Yes.\"","Cordy: \"Really cute - thing, you got there. Personally I've always been a real - thing lover.\"","ODM: \"Good boy. Good boy. You found me a cow.\"","Cordy: \"Hey. Who're calling cow, mister!\" The demon man takes out a piece of leather with a weighted end, whips it around a few times them throws it at Cordy, where it wraps her upper arms tightly to her body.","Cordy: \"Uhm - Oh-oh.\"","ODM: \"A fine old cow. Good cow. She'll fetch a pretty price at the market.\"","Cordy: \"Okay. But you're like Hindu, right? You don't eat the cows, right?\"","ODM: \"Kind of a chatty cow, huh, Seekul? That'll drag down the price.\" He pulls out a piece of cloth.","Cordy: \"Wait! Wait,wait wait!\" Uses the cloth to gag Cordy.\" The host is sitting in lobby of the Hyperion, Angel is leaning on the counter. Wesley enters carrying a stack of books.","Angel: \"Start talking.\"","Lorne: \"About my dimension? Okay, sure. Lets see. I was there. I came here. I like here. I don't wanna go there. So, is that all? Because I have to clean up the club.\" The host tires to leave.","Angel: \"Sit.\" Lorne drops back down on the bench.","Angel: \"Let's start simple. How did you get from your world to here?\"","Lorne: \"Through a portal.\"","Angel: \"And how did you open that portal?\"","Lorne: \"I didn't.\"","Angel: \"You're not helping me here.\"","Lorne: \"Look, it's no secret that I hate Pylea.\"","Angel: \"Pylea.\"","Lorne: \"My home dimension. Back when I lived there I would have done *anything* to get out. Anything! So one day, five years ago, I'm in the woods when suddenly right in front of me, out of nowhere, a portal appears. It-it was like my prayers had finally been answered.\"","Angel: \"You knew it was a portal.\"","Lorne: \"Well, no. At first I didn't know what the heck it was. But when I went to take a closer look, the forest goes all bendy, big flashy light and whoosh! - through the portal and bang (snaps his fingers) - I'm in another dimension. This dimension - which I *love* and adore and will never, never, never *never* leave.\"","Angel: \"But then who (snaps his fingers) opened the portal?\" Lorne holds up his hand as if it was a sock puppet.","Lorne: \"Gift horse. (opens the hand puppets mouth) Mouth. (Pointedly looks the other way)\" Angel goes to sit down.","Angel: \"Alright. So where did you end up in this dimension?\"","Lorne: \"In an abandoned building, unlike any building I'd ever seen. And that's when I realized that I'd been delivered from hell. - I created Caritas in that very spot.\"","Angel: \"So you're saying that Pylea is a hell dimension, that Cordy is stuck in hell.\"","Lorne: \"Oh, not literally - but it runs a close second.\"","Angel: \"I find that hard to believe.\"","Host: \"Do you? - Well, try this: they have *no* music there. It doesn't exist. Do you know what that's like? No lullabies, no love songs. All my life I thought I was crazy. That I had ghosts in my head or something. Simply because I could hear music. Of course I didn't know it was music. All I knew was that it was something beautiful and - and painful - and right. And I was the only one who could hear it. - Then I wound up here and heard Aretha for the fist time... Well. (Gives a slight laugh, then turns serious) Don't kid yourselves. Cordy's in a *very* bad place.\"","Wesley: \"It's cold!\"","Angel: \"What? Put on a sweater.\"","Wesley: \"No. No, no, no. The hotspot is cold. (Angel and the host look at him) - Certain geographical areas are rife with psychic energy. These areas tend to function as - dimensional hotspots, natural gateways between worlds. I'm guessing Caritas is one such spot. But the catch is...\"","Angel: \"Oh god, got to have one of those.\"","Wesley: \"Creating a portal tends to deplete a hotspot of its psychic energy.\"","Angel: \"And since we already opened one...\"","Wesley: \"...the hotspot is cold. That's why you couldn't open a second portal.\"","Angel: \"See, I *was* right. It was the batteries.\"","Wesley: \"The same probably applies to the one in the library.\"","Lorne: \"Oh, why not then wait until the portal recharges?\" Angel gets up.","Angel: \"Because we've already wasted enough time. We have to find another hotspot and fast.\"","Wesley: \"That's not our only problem.\" Angel drops back down.","Angel: \"Of course it's not.\"","Wesley: \"When separate entities enter a dimensional portal they tend to - well - separate. Assuming we find another hotspot, and manage to open another portal, if we simply jump in, we could end up literally on opposite ends of the world.\"","Lorne: \"That means Landok and Cordy...\"","Wesley: \"...didn't arrive together.\"","Angel: \"She really is alone.\"","Gunn: \"Hey.\" Wesley turns to the door.","Wesley: \"Gunn! Where have you been? We've been... We spoke hours ago.\"","Gunn: \"Sorry.\"","Wesley: \"No, it's okay. It's fine. Uh (gestures towards Angel) will you update him?\"","Angel: \"Yeah. We've got two problems. One: we got to find a dimensional hotspot, and two: we got to figure out how we can all get through the portal without...\"","Gunn: \"I'm not going.\" Everyone stops to look at Gunn.","Angel after a long moment: \"What?\"","Gunn: \"Last night I lost one of my crew. - I should have been there, but... - I'm sorry but Wes said the trip was one way and-and I can't! - I know that makes me... (Shakes his head) I don't know what it makes me. But I figured I just owed to you to tell you face to face. (Angel stays silent) - Wish you luck. - Please. Find her.\" Gunn and Angel look at each other for a moment then Gunn turns and leaves.","Lorne: \"Hmm, tough decision. Poor kid. - But I'm right there with him.\"","Angel: \"Yeah. Me too, I guess.\"","Lorne: \"No, I mean about the not going part. You do know I'm not going, right?\"","Angel: \"What? - But it's your world. We need a guide.\"","Lorne: \"Remember when I said that I loved this dimension and I'm never, never, *never* gonna leave? Well, exactly which never did you not understand?\"","Angel: \"First Gunn and now... I-I can't believe this!\"","Lorne: \"I'm sorry guys, but, I tell you what, I've got an idea about finding your hotspot. Back in a jiff.\" The host leaves as Angel leans on the counter across from Wesley.","Wesley: \"Gunn does have - responsibilities - ties - people to take care of.\"","Angel: \"So do I. - Right now - you and I- have to figure out - how to save her.\" Wesley goes back to reading his books. Cordy is carried into a quaint, medieval looking village hung hand and foot off a log, carried between to demon men. They set the log on top of some braces and leave. The old demon man comes up accompanied by an old demon woman.","ODM: \"She is a good cow. Strong. Maybe a little talkative, but you can whip it out of her.\"","Vakma: \"Skinny. Ugly, too. (Cordy lets out a muffled protest) One pig.\"","ODM: \"Two pigs.\"","Vakma: \"For this old cow? She probably croak before I can get her home.\"","ODM: \"A pig and a pint then. Flip liquor.\" Vakma looks over at Cordy then pulls a shiny silver collar out of the bag she is carrying.","Vakama: \"Fine. Put the collar on her.\" The old demon man takes the collar and snaps it around Cordy's neck.","Vakma: \"Ever since the last cow died we've mucking out the flehegna stables ourselves. You should see my rash.\" The old demon man cuts Cordy down and reaches to untie her gag, but Cordy pushes his hands away mumbling 'I got it, I got it' through the gag and does it herself.","Cordy: \"Okay. Okay. Look. First of all - I'm a human being - not a cow. You can't just barter a human being! Second of all: one pig? One *measly* pig? Third of all there has been a *huge* misunderstanding. See, I am an American and I have rights. And right now I'd like to get right back to... (Vakma points a square, little, silver thing at Cordy and presses down on it and Cordy yelps and reaches for her collar) That hurt!\"","Vakma: \"Cows aren't for talking they're for doing their job if they know what's good for them. (To the old demon man) You can come by tomorrow and pick up your stuff. (To Cordy) Come on cow.\" Vakma turns and walks away, but Cordy doesn't move.","Cordy: \"If you think I'm gonna follow you...\" Vakma points the silver thingy over her shoulder and presses it and Cordy yelps.","Cordy: \"Ow! You got another think... Ow! Coming.\" Cordy starts to hurry after the old demon woman, not seeing the human girl, her dirty face half obscured by long dark hair, watching her from the shadows. Break Gunn is sitting in his truck with the engine idling, staring straight ahead. Finally he swallows and puts the truck in gear. Big office divided up into many little cubicles with some portable walls. In one of those cubicles we see a dark haired girl talking on the phone.","Aggie: \"You don't know where you're going. You're lost. Miles from anything that grounds you. I get a deep sense of longing - separation.\" The host, holding a magazine to partially obscure his face and wearing dark sunglasses and a baseball cap comes up to the cubicle.","Lorne: \"Is this a bad time?\"","Aggie: \"It's like you feel cut off.\" With that she pushes a button on the phone and jumps up to hug the host.","Aggie: \"Lorne!\"","Lorne: \"Hey, Aggie, how's it going?\"","Aggie: \"Ah, you know the business. Vague predicitons, lengthy pauses, anything to keep the numbers rolling.\"","Lorne: \"Yeah.\"","Aggie: \"You're hiding from the mob?\"","Lorne: \"Don't get me started. I know it's Hollywood chic going incognito and all, but this hat's really chafing my horns!\"","Aggie laughs: \"So, what brings you to the office?\"","Lorne: \"Like you don't already know.\"","Aggie: \"Oh, I know. I just want to see what kind of spin you're gonna put on it.\"","Lorne: \"Dimensional portals. Psychic hotspots. I need to find one.\"","Aggie: \"Why?\"","Lorne: \"Ah, some friends of mine are going on a little trip.\"","Aggie: \"Hm, I see. And the big flashing neon warning light in your aura means what?\"","Lorne: \"Eat at Joe's. - So, can you help me pin down a hotspot?\"","Aggie: \"No.\" Lorne kind of deflates and sits down.","Lorne: \"Got to admit, I didn't see *that* coming.\"","Aggie: \"I'm getting all these ugly conflict vibes coming off you, Lorne. And they're all pointing at that portal.\"","Lorne: \"A-are you sure you're not just seeing the chili I had for lunch yesterday because, whohoo, you wanna talk about conflict! (She just looks at him and he leaves off the joke) They need the hotspot because they're going to Pylea, my home dimension.\"","Aggie: \"And you're not going with them?\"","Lorne: \"Hey, I'd rather have a hydrochloric acid facial. I'd rather invite a hive of wasps to nest in my throat. I'd rather sit through a junior high school production of Cats! - You see where I'm going with this?\"","Aggie: \"Not Pylea.\"","Lorne: \"Exactamondo.\"","Aggie: \"Well, it's too bad then. Now they'll never rescue the girl.\"","Lorne: \"Come again?\"","Aggie sighs: \"I can find your hotspot, Lorne, but on one condition: you've got to go with them. (Lorne shakes his head) It's the only way you'll ever resolve all those issues that are clouding up your aura, I can see it! - And be honest. Deep down you've always known you'd have to take that one last trip home.\"","Lorne: \"It's the 'last' that scares me.\"","Aggie: \"Well, sometimes the journey is taken simply because - it must be taken. - Is that vague enough for you?\"","Lorne: \"Is that what I sound like? Eeesh. No *wonder* people complain.\" Angel is pacing in the lobby of the Hyperion.","Wesley: \"I suppose I could try a binding spell of some kind. Something to fuse us together as we enter the portal.\"","Angel: \"Good. Let's do that. Let's...\"","Wesley: \"However, we could emerge on the other side as a freakishly hybridized Siamese twin.\"","Angel: \"Keep looking?\"","Wesley: \"You know this is the third reference I've seen to iron or metal. Could be a clue as to how to prevent us from scattering.\"","Angel: \"What, we handcuff ourselves together? Who do we know that has handcuffs?\"","Wesley: \"Well, I - wouldn't know. And anyway, I don't think handcuffs would work.\"","Angel: \"What will work, Wesley? It's been twelve hours since she's been sucked through that portal. There is no telling what could have happened by now. - What do you want?\" We see that two men in business suits carrying briefcases have entered.","Park: \"Angel. Good afternoon.\"","Angel: \"Lawyers. Don't you people sleep during the day?\"","Park: \"I'm Gavin Park. This is my associate, Mr. Hayes. We represent Wolfram and...\"","Angel: \"Already bored.\"","Park: \"We've come to appraise the hotel.\"","Angel: \"What?\"","Park: \"Correct me if I'm wrong, but your lease expires in six months and Wolfram and Hart is interested in purchasing this building.\"","Angel: \"You got to be kidding me. You guys - couldn't get me to turn evil, so now you wanna evict me? You know, they're trying to annoy me to death.\"","Park: \"We'd like to take a walk around the place if you don't mind.\"","Angel in vamp face: \"You think I mind?' Hayes can't help but stare a little, but Park shows no reaction.","Park: \"Very well. We'll notify the real estate company of your non-compliance. They should send you a notice of obligation. After that if you still refuse to cooperate, well, - I'm sure that somewhere in your lease agreement there *must* be one or two loop holes to be - exploited.\" Park and Hayes turn to leave and Angel morphs back into human face, and rolls his head around.","Angel to Wesley: \"How quick can we get out of this world?\"","Wesley: \"Hm.\" Cordy, now wearing some ragged indigenous clothing, is in a stable shoveling flehegna manure and talking to herself.","Cordy: \"I wanna go home. I wanna be in my bed. I wanna - order some Thai food and read the latest issue of Marie Claire. I wanna be doing anything but shoveling demon horse poop!\" She yelps as her collar zaps her.","Cordy: \"That woman has ears like a bat! (Grabs her collar) There's got to be a way to get this thing off.\"","Voice: \"Don't do that!\" Cordy jumps and takes her hands off her collar, then looks for the source of the voice.","Cordy: \"Who's there? (Steps into the empty box behind her) What do you want?\"","Voice: \"I forget. It's not important. But - but if you take the collar off, bad things will happen to your head.\" Cordy spots a hole in the wooden wall of the empty box and the ragged girl from the plaza peeking through it.","Fred: \"Like - it'll implode. So don't take the collar off, okay? Cause-cause I can't talk to you if you don't have a head, okay?\"","Cordy: \"Okay. A-are you a human?\"","Fred: \"Keep-keep shoveling! Go shovel.\" Fred glances around furtively as Cordy obediently picks up her shovel.","Fred: \"Where did you come from?\"","Cordy: \"Los Angeles. How long have you been here?\"","Fred: \"I was born here. I-I mean, not really. I j-just... some-sometimes I think I was. I mean, I don't think it was my thought. I forget certain words. How'd you get here?\"","Cordy: \"Hold on. Why don't you tell me where here is first?\"","Fred: \"Pylea. Keep shoveling! Geez! (Cordy grabs the shovel again and pretends to shovel her head still close to the hole) Another dimension. You're lost. I can tell. So many of us are lost even there. But - but it's true. I'm not crazy. Well, crazy, but I'm not wrong.","Cordy: \"So, how do I get out of here?\" Fred lets out something between a laugh and a sob.","Fred: \"Oh. I forgot. Laughing. (Glances around) You don't. They use you as a slave. Then your body gives - zip! - Gone.\"","Cordy: \"Well, that's not happening to me, okay? I have friends back in LA. They're gonna come rescue me. Any time now.\"","Fred: \"I tried to get back. I didn't have the mass, which is strange because... How'd you get here?\"","Cordy: \"I'm pretty sure I, ah, I was sucked in by a portal.\"","Fred: \"A - a portal?\"","Cordy: \"Yeah.\"","Fred: \"Where was it?\" Before Cordy can answer we hear a male voice yelling: \"Fugitive!\"","Fred: \"Oh no!\" Fred turns to run. Two demon men wearing the standard Pylea drab clothing run after her, while a third, wearing what looks like a uniform remains standing in the middle of the stable hallway.","Men: \"There she is. Get her! Get her!\"","Cordy: \"What's going on?\" The two men drag a struggling Fred back to the uniformed guy.","Cordy: \"What's going on?\" Another drab clad man grabs Cordy and pulls her out into the hallway.","Narwek: \"On your face, cow. On the floor.\"","Cordy: \"No! No!\" The guy pushes her facedown on the floor.","Fred: \"Let go of me. Stop! Stop!\" The constable, who is of the same race as the host takes a hold of Fred's collar.","Narwek: \"A disabled collar. Clever little cow. You should have stayed in the woods!\" Motions and the two demon men holding her drag her out of the stable.","Fred: \"Let go! Let go!\"","Cordy: \"Wait!\"","Narwek: \"Facedown!\" The guy standing over Cordy pushes her face back down into the dirt. After watching her for a moment to make sure she stays that way the constable and the other guy follow the others out of the stable. Angel is sitting at Wesley's desk, the phone receiver lying on the table next to him.","Angel: \"So as soon as Wes solves our scattering problem, we'll be leaving. Don't know if we'll be coming back. - It's eleven sixteen. Cordy's been gone for almost twenty-four hours now. - I think I covered everything. - Oh. The mortgage for the hotel - is under the company name. The lease is up on six months, at least that's what they tell me, so... I guess that's it. - Take care of yourself.\" Angel reaches over and pushes the off-button on the phone. The host appears in the door to Wesley's office.","Lorne: \"How you're holding up?\"","Angel: \"I wanna go bad. I'm just waiting for Wes to have that Eureka moment.\"","Wes from off screen: \"Eureka!\"","Angel gets up: \"Oh, jeez. Thank god.\"","Lorne: \"You mean he actually really says Eureka?\" Wesley comes running into the office.","Wesley: \"I know how to get us through the portal!\"","Angel: \"Good. Let's go!\" Angel and Wes run out of the office with the host following more slowly. Cordy is trailing after Vakma through the village market, loaded down with bags and buckets. Vakma seems to be wearing Cordy's belt as a headband. She stops to talk to a green-faced, horned vendor.","Vakma: \"Gimme six packets of hefroot, four queeks, a bottle of flip liquor, and a spatula.\"","Cordy: \"Uhm, Vakma? Is it... earlier that-that girl in the barn...\"","Vakma: \"Shut up, Cow! Trensiduf of the Gathwok Clan was right. You talk too much. And you're about to spill my viper's milk.\"","Cordy: \"Well, I-I'm sorry. It's just if I wasn't carrying every... (Scrunches up her face and begins to sway) Oh, no.\"","Vakma: \"Stand up straight, cow. That milk is worth more than you are.\" Cordy topples as she is hit by a vision.","Vakma: \"Bad Cow! Bad!\" Blurry pictures of a Drokken and a screaming demon man.","Cordy: \"A Drokken. It's attacking one of your villagers, near the forest, by a-a big, yellow rock.\" A ring of villagers has formed around her, some the pale-skinned demon people, others green-skinned, some of them dressed in the type of armor Landok was wearing.","Cordy: \"Isn't anyone gonna ask if I'm okay?\"","Vakma points at her: \"Cursed! My cow is cursed!\" Cordy, still sitting on the ground holds up a hand to try and ward off the pitchforks aimed at her.","Cordy: \"No, wait. Wait. It's not a curse! This villager, You *have* to go save him, or the Drokken will...\" Trails off as the crowd waves swords and pitch forks at her, chanting 'cursed, cursed.' LA, night, Angel's convertible, Wesley in the passenger seat, Lorne in the back slowly drives up the street.","Lorne: \"Here. Stop here.\" Angel stops the car.","Angel: \"Here? Isn't this a movie studio?\"","Lorne: \"It makes a certain kind of sense, no? - Anyway, this is where Aggie said it was. And Aggie is never wrong when it comes to hotspots. She was doing sky bar way before Brad and Jennifer. - Anyway - you got the book? (Wesley holds it up) Good. Hold that puppy tight, okay? It's bad enough I got to cross over. The last thing I wanna do is to be stuck on the other side, waiting for a mystical locksmith.\"","Wesley: \"Alright then. (Looks over at Angel) I suppose we should probably begin.\"","Angel nods, then: \"Should I... - you know, I don't know, maybe put the top up?\"","Wesley: \"Shouldn't be necessary. If I'm right, we only require a metal enclosure on four sides in order to ensure that we travel through the portal together. The car, top up or down, should do it. - I'm almost positive.\" Angel puts a hand on the book in Wesley's lap.","Angel: \"Almost.\"","Wesley: \"Ninety - six percent. (Angel kind of sinks down in his seat) Well, it's not like I've ever done this before! And with the time factor I'm under a great deal of...\"","Gunn: \"Oh, suck it up, English.\" Gunn hops over the side of the car into the backseat behind Angel.","Wesley: \"Gunn. How did you..?\"","Gunn looks at Angel: \"Got a phone message. Sounded like the captain of the Titanic getting ready to go down with the ship.\" Wesley looks at Angel.","Angel: \"I-I just though - that someone on this side - should - know the details - in case...\"","Lorne: \"A backup man! Terrific idea! Well, now that he's going, I suppose someone should stay here, mind the store. Don't worry, I'm not disappointed. Just get me something nice to...\" Lorne tries to get up out of the car, but the other three each put a hand out to push him back down and chorus 'shut up.'","Wesley: \"Everyone set?\"","Gunn: \"Let's get a move on.\"","Wesley: \"Right. (Opens the book) Here goes. - Krv Drpglr pwlz chkwrt strplmt dwghzn prqlrzn lffrmtplzt!\" Gunn stares as the portal begins to form in front of them.","Gunn: \"Cool.\"","Angel: \"Ninety-six percent, huh?\"","Wesley: \"Give or take.\"","Angel: \"Okay, gentlemen, take a good look around.\" All of them buckle up.","Angel: \"Now say good-bye!\" Looks over at Wesley, then guns the car for the portal. As the car disappears into the swirly hole the book drops onto the street behind it, smoking ever so slightly. Break Angel's convertible lands on the grassy ground between some trees on sunny Pylea, the screams of the passengers resonating through the air, then comes to a screeching halt. Angel jumps in his seat.","Angel: \"The sun. Daylight. Quick. Hand me a blanket. Hand me a blanket or I'm gonna catch on fire!\" Wesley scrambles for a blanket as Angel tries to pull up his leather jacket to cover his head.","Angel: \"Hand me a blanket! I'm gonna catch on fire!\" Wesley hands him a blanket but instead of taking it, Angel looks down at his hands, then around himself.","Angel: \"Why am I not on fire?\"","Gunn: \"Yo, that was phat!\"","Wesley: \"Well, it is another dimension. Perhaps their sun...\"","Lorne: \"Back up, Copernicus. (Points to the sky) That's suns. Plural.\" Everyone looks up at the two suns up in the sky.","Wesley: \"Suns. Yes. Well, perhaps they don't have the same effect on vampires.\" Wesley reaches out to pinch Angel's cheek, making him jump and turn in his seat.","Angel: \"Hey! Watch it. Alright?\" Wesley pinches Angel's cheek.","Angel: \"Hey!\" Angel slaps his hand down then retaliates by pinching Wesley.","Wesley: \"Fascinating!\"","Gunn: \"Did you all see the street do that bendy thing?\"","Angel to Lorne: \"So, we made it then. This is your world.\"","Lorne: \"Oh yes. Home sweet hell.\"","Angel: \"Ha! I'm not on fire.\"","Wesley: \"And we're together. (Look down at himself then at Lorne and Gunn in the backseat) And we didn't merge into some freakish, four-men Siamese twin!\"","Gunn: \"That was a risk? How come nobody told me that was a risk?\" Angel jumps up to stand on his seat and spreads his arms looking up at the suns.","Angel: \"Can everyone just notice how much fire I'm not on?\"","Lorne: \"Yeah, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood alright. Now, may I suggest we find some way to hide the car? It'll be a little conspicuous, seeing as we don't have convertibles in this world. Or you know, cars.\" They all climb out over the sides of the car.","Gunn: \"Wonder if this is where Cordy came through.\"","Wesley: \"Could be.","Angel: \"Let's start gathering some branches, some brush. Anything to cover up the car. Oh, hey, look. There is some over in that patch of sun. I'll get them!\" Runs off. Reaches down to pick up the branches, but instead turns to bask in the suns, taking a deep breath.","Gunn to Wes: \"Hey, I'll give it to you. Trip into an alternate universe? Pretty damn cool.\" He and Wes do an elaborate handshake ritual.","Gunn: \"But I wanna find Cordy, quick.\"","Lorne: \"Me too. Well, I-I mean for her sake of course. - If I know Pylea, she could probably use a friend right about now.\" Cordy is dropped face down on the floor of a big room with a vaulted ceiling, illuminated by torches stuck in wall-sconces. There are villagers crowded along the walls. Cordy, her hands bound behind her back, slowly works herself into a sitting position.","Cordy: \"Uhm, I'd just like to say - that I don't know anything about a curse. Okay? I just have these visions that...\" She notices some of the villagers turn to stare at her.","Cordy: \"I don't get them very often.\"","Narwek enters: \"We found the body out by Dester's rock. A Drokken beast had fed on his flesh.\"","Cordy: \"Oh god, it's you. Look, I'm really sorry about that. Honest. But I didn't make it happen, I just saw it.\"","Narwek: \"Before it had come to pass.\"","Cordy: \"Exactly.\"","Narwek: \"It is the curse!\"","Cordy: \"No. No curse. Just visions. They're not dangerous. I use them to help people.\"","Deep voice: \"Enough.\" A red-robbed, red-faced demon steps forward.","Silas: \"We must discover beyond all doubt if this girl is cursed with the sight. We will commence the test.\"","Cordy: \"Test. But I haven't studied. - Not much with the humor, are you, guys?\"","Silas: \"Bring forth the instrument.\" Two red-robes carry in a table with various instruments on it. Silas picks up a big awl and holds it up.","Silas: \"Now we shall see if you are truly cursed, my child. - I pray you are not.\"","Cordy: \"Please. Please. I'll keep them to myself. I'll never mention them again. Please no. No! No!\" Cordy leans back as far as she can as Silas comes closer and begins to scream.","Cordy: \"Help me! Help!\"","Angel: \"This should do it. Are you ready?\" The guys cover the car with branches.","Lorne: \"Yeah. I think we're only a couple miles from town, but we'll have to walk it.\"","Angel: \"No problem here, walking in the sun. Hey, do it all the time.\" Wesley claps Angel on the back: \"Yes, we're all heartily aware that you're not on fire. - Shall we go?\" Wes starts to follow the host then calls back over his shoulder: \"Don't forget the book.\" Angel freezes.","Wesley: \"What's wrong?\"","Angel: \"I just don't think that's funny.\"","Wesley: \"I wasn't trying to be... What?\"","Angel: \"Wesley, I don't have the book.\"","Lorne: \"What?!\"","Angel points at Wesley: \"You had the book.\"","Wesley: \"I don't have the book.\"","Gunn: \"Who had the book?\" Angel says 'Wesley' as Wes says 'Angel.'","Wes and Angel speaking together: \"No, I didn't. - Yes you did!\"","Lorne: \"Whoa. Ho, ho, whoa. Did we *look* in the car?\"","Angel: \"There is nothing there. I checked it before we started hiding it to make sure we didn't leave anything.\"","Lorne: \"Oh! Like say the *book*!\"","Wesley: \"Hold on. The book was in the car. That much we know. But, but perhaps - perhaps its only function is to open portals *to* Pylea. In which case it would be useless *in* Pylea and therefore - it only exists in our own dimension.\"","Lorne: \"Oh. You know, ordinarily I handle bad news really well. I just drown my sorrows in an ice-cold gin and tonic, little squeeze of lime, except where they don't *have* them here!\"","Angel: \"Guys. Guys. You guys. We'll figure out another way to get back. We will. But right now we gotta find Cordelia, okay? That's why we're here, right? - She needs us. - Let's go.\" They all walk off together.","Wesley: \"You grabbed the book when...\"","Lorne: \"I can't believe...\" Cordy is lying curled up on the floor of the big room, with the people around her waiting. Silas steps forward.","Silas: \"The tests are complete. It is the unanimous decision of the covenant that the girl - is afflicted. (The crowd begins to shift and murmur) She carries the curse of the sight.\" Silas nods at his fellow red-robes and two of them pick Cordy up and drag her out of the room. Angel and the others have reached town and are making their way down a narrow, shadowed alley.","Lorne: \"Just remember, keep your heads down. Xenophobia kind of a watch-word where I'm from.\"","Gunn: \"I don't get it. Why're they afraid of Xena? I mean, I think she's kind of fly.\"","Wesley: \"Xenophobia. Fear of foreigners?\"","Gunn: \"Oh. Then can we pretend I didn't just say that?\" They stop at the end of the alley and Lorne points at a house across the street.","Lorne: \"Now, right over there is Blix's house -- a boyhood chum of mine. Ah, we were the best of buds, always playing games, watching out for each other, close as a Torto demon and its parasite. (Off their looks) I'll make the approach. You three stay here -- we gotta keep a low profile.\"","Angel: \"Why?\"","Lorne: \"Because otherwise you might get beaten to death with sticks. Be right back.\" The host quickly makes his way across the street to the house and enters it. A moment later we hear a scream ring out and the host comes running back out his former best but chasing after him with an ax in his hand.","Blix: \"What?! - Traitor! Deserter! Betrayer!\" Lorne as he runs past the others: \"We should run. Now!\" Blix continues screams attract the attention of others, dressed in the same hero garb that Landok was wearing. They draw their swords and join Blix in chasing down the alley as the others Angel and the others turn to run after the host. They run out into the market pursued by the screams of traitor and betrayer. Lorne hesitates for a moment then indicates a new direction. They run out onto the plaza where Cordy was sold earlier, only to find warriors closing in on them from all sides.","Men: \"Cease them!\"","Angel: \"Hey, what now? Where do we go now?\"","Lorne: \"Probably to the nearest dungeon. We're surrounded.\" Break","[SCENE_BREAK]","Wesley: \"We've been through a lot together, fellows. Fought a lot of fights. Faced some pretty steep odds.\"","Gunn to Angel: \"I take the twenty on the left, you take the fifty on the right.\"","Angel: \"Okay.\" And with that they engage the warriors surrounding them. And since for some reason the Pyleans only come at them one at a time, they don't do too badly. Wesley jumps up on the block, twirling a sword he just liberated from one of their pursuers.","Wesley: \"I think we're winning!\" Smash cut to the four of them bound and on their knees in the dirt in front of the block. A two-wheeled chariot, drawn by two horses pulls into the plaza. Narwek gets out of it with a sigh.","Narwek: \"Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok clan.\"","Lorne: \"Constable Narwek. Lovely to see you again. So, how've you been?\"","Narwek: \" Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok clan, you have returned. - Why?\"","Lorne: \"Actually I've been asking myself that very same question.\"","Narwek: \"Who are these cow-scum. You are all dressed - very strangely.\" Fingers the collar of Gunn's jacket and Gunn pulls away.","Lorne: \"They're not cow-scum. They're humans and they're my friends.\"","Narwek: \"Cows are not friends. They are creatures of labor. Beasts of burden, no more! I do not know where you have been, Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok clan, but it is *clear* that you have abandoned the teachings of your people. (To some of the bucket-helmeted Warriors that accompanied him) Take him away. We will begin interrogations immediately.\" Lorne turns to look at Angel, kneeling beside him, as the guards grab him under his arms and drag him away.","Angel: \"Wait! You can't do this.\" Lorne as he's being dragged away: \"What? Hey, watch it guys!\"","Narwek: \"You dare to use your tongue in *my* presence?\" Hauls back and kicks Angel between the legs. Angel doubles over with a slight groan.","Narwek: \"Unworthy trash.\" Angel forces himself back upright. Three warriors come and pull all three of them to their feet.","Narwek: \"For the crime of assault - against those judged to be your betters - you are to be detained until our royal highness passes sentence upon you.\"","Gunn: \"I'm guessing community service is out.\" Narwek glares at Gunn who raises his chin a little. Narwek steps in front of Gunn and hits him hard in the stomach. Angel tries to come to his aid but is restrained by some of the warriors. Wesley looks down, not moving. Gunn coughs and slowly straightens back up.","Gunn: \"Too bad. I really like those orange vests.\" Narwek hits him with a hard right across the chin. Gunn spins around, manages to catch himself against the block.","Wesley: \"Gunn, stop.\" Narwek moves to stand in front of Wesley, who meets his eyes without flinching.","Narwek: \"Put these things away.\" Some of the warriors lead them away. Silas in a dark room illuminated by torches.","Silas: \"Time has arrived my brethren. - She is indeed cursed with the sight. - Measures must be taken. - Blood must be spilled.\" Wes, Gunn and Angel are in a bare cell. Gunn is sitting on the straw-covered ground, grunting as he tries to break the chain connecting the shackles on his wrists. All three of them have their wrists and ankles shackled.","Gunn: \"It's no use. This thing's made out of some magical alloy.\"","Wesley: \"Really? (Looks at his chains) How can you tell?\"","Gunn: \"I can't. I'm just making myself feel better.\"","Wesley drops his hands: \"Oh.\" Gunn levers himself back to his feet.","Wesley to Angel: \"You found anything yet?\" Angel steps back from the door.","Angel: \"Sealed up tight. Got to be at least six - seven inches thick at least. You?\"","Wesley: \"No. No, these impenetrable stone walls are proving to be rather...\"","Gunn: \"You say impenetrable and I will kick your ass.\"","Wesley: \"I was always horrified by those stories about the tower of London.\"","Angel: \"Wasn't that bad.\" Wes and Gunn turn to look at Angel.","Wesley: \"Yes? - Well, compared to this place I'm sure the tower takes on a certain - nostalgic glow. I wonder if they're treating the host any better.\" Angel pushes himself off the wall and moves over to the door.","Gunn: \"Well, sure. The way that constable said interrogation I figure he's just in for a little light wrist slapping. - That - or he's dead.\"","Angel: \"Shut up.\"","Gunn: \"Well, I ain't saying it's *not* wrist slapping.\"","Angel: \"No, shut up.\" Angel presses his ear against the door and the other two hurriedly shuffle over to him, their chains clinking.","Gunn: \"How we're supposed to hear anything...\" Angel waves him off impatiently.","Angel: \"I can hear two men talking in the hall.\" Gunn looks at Wes.","Wesley whispers: \"Vampire.\"","Angel: \"Talking about a girl with visions.\"","Gunn: \"Cordy!\"","Angel: \"A covenant - a curse - something about testing the girl for sight. - They said she screamed.\"","Wesley, quietly: \"Those *bastards*!\"","Angel: \"They're about to take us to a castle. - We're gonna be sentenced.\" Wes and Gunn exchange a look. Angel pushes away from the door.","Angel: \"They're coming.\" The three of them hastily hop-shuffle away from the door. The little window in the door is opened and a helmeted guard peers in. Seeing the three of them standing at the back of the cell, he opens the door.","Guard: \"Out, prisoners!\" Wes and co. slowly shuffle out the door. As they walk down the hallway we can hear whip cracks, each one followed by a scream.","Angel quietly: \"Be ready.\" We get an outside shot of a castle on a hill overlooking the village. The host turns as the guards lead Angel and the others up a corridor to where he is standing.","Lorne: \"Oh. Am I glad to see you. - And so much less dead than I expected.\"","Angel: \"What did they do to you\/\"","Lorne: \"Oh, well, first there was the welcome home parade thrown in my honor. (Holds up his shackled hands) Ticker tape, streamers. Honestly, I'm so touched, I almost wept.\" Angel looks back at Wes and Gunn.","Lorne: \"Locked me in a room, pushed me around, asked a bunch of questions. Your standard film noir.\"","Angel softly: \"I think we might have a lead on Cordy.\"","Lorne: \"You found her?\"","Angel: \"No. (Motions back to Wes and Gunn and they shuffle closer) I overheard two guys talking about a girls with visions. Said she was cursed.\"","Lorne: \"Yikes. I don't like the sound of *that*.\"","Angel: \"They mentioned something about a covenant? Ah, something about performing tests on her?\"","Wesley: \"Angel, I hate to state the obvious, but we need to get out of here.\" Narwek comes up the corridor.","Narwek: \"Silence. Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok clan, you and the cow-trash are not to speak.\"","Lorne: \"Ah, de-bunch your panties, Narwek.\"","Narwek: \"You - are a traitor to your home. You abandoned your life-giver, betrayed your people and now you consort with these - animals. - I *will* take great pleasure in watching them kill *you* slowly.\"","Angel softly: \"They take us in separately or together?\"","Lorne: \"What?\"","Angel: \"Separately or together. Quickly. We don't have much time.\"","Lorne: \"I don't know! I've never been sentenced to death before - together?\"","Angel: \"Listen up.\" Narwek to one of the guards: \"After that, drag the bodies to the village square. We will hang their corpses as a warning. - Prisoners! They day of judgement has arrived. Approach! The venerable monarch of Pylea, General of the Ravenous Legion, Eater of Our Enemy's Flesh, Prelate of the Sacrificial Blood Rites, and Sovereign Proconsul of Death, is prepared to pass sentence on upon you.\"","Angel softly: \"One.\"","Narwek to guards: \"Open the doors.\" The guards open the doors and lead the prisoners forward.","Angel: \"Two.\" As they step through the doors, Angel suddenly turns and slams his shackled fists into the stomach of the nearest guard as the others also attack the guards around them. They are interrupted by a loud throat clearing, They turn to look and all of them freeze in their tracks, their eyes going wide, their mouths dropping open. They stare at - Cordy - sitting on a throne, surrounded by courtiers, wearing a skimpy, shimmery outfit and crown.","Cordy: \"Hi, guys.\""],"Show Title":"Angel","Episode Number":"02x20","Episode Title":"Over the Rainbow Pt. 1","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Angel_03x21.json","Recap":["With Holtz back in LA, Angel Inc. is in for some problems. As Angel tries to bond with his son, Holtz reconnects with Justine. The two vampire hunters cook up a plan to turn Connor against Angel forever. Meanwhile, Wesley and Lilah spend more time together and Cordelia and the Groosalugg grow further apart."],"Transcript":["Cordelia: Previously on Angel:","Holtz: \"I want you to go out and find others like you.\" Holtz pulls out the awl pinning Justine's hand to the tabletop.","Angel to Justine: \"I'm not your boyfriend. Find somebody else to smack you around.\"","Lorne: \"Wesley's taking the baby away for good.\" Justine slits Wes' throat and runs off with Connor.","Holtz to Connor: \"Hello, son. I'm your father.\"","Sahjhan: \"What you're looking into is the Quor-toth, the darkest of the dark worlds.\" Holtz pushes Justine aside and jumps through the rift in the air with Baby Connor in his arm.","Lorne: \"To punch through to Quor-toth would require dark, dark magics.\"","Cordy: \"There's almost always some price to using primordial power.\" The monster drops through the fissure above the pentagram in the lobby, followed by Connor, who beheads it and points his stake launcher at Angel.","Connor: \"Hi dad.\"","Angel: \"Connor.\"","Connor: \"My name is Steven.\" Angel slams Connor up against the wall: \"Listen to me.\"","Gunn: \"A couple of weeks ago he was wearing diapers, now he's a teenager?\" Connor slams Angel up against the wall: \"No!\"","Angel: \"I lost you once already.\"","Angel to Connor: \"You're not alone.\"","Connor: \"I know.\"","Fred: \"We're just supposed to sit here with a fissure from a hell dimension in the middle of the lobby?\"","Meerna: \"It's closed.\"","Cordy: \"Can you tell if anything else came through it?\" Holtz steps out of the shadows in front of Connor.","Connor: \"Hi dad.\" Fred walks up to the rest of the gang waiting in the middle of the Hyperion's lobby.","Fred: \"Still no answer on his cell phone.\"","Cordy: \"That could mean something if he actually knew how to use it.\"","Gunn: \"Maybe we should head back out, start where we last saw him, see if we can pick up the trail.\"","Groo: \"A wise plan. I will assist with tracking.\"","Cordy: \"No.\"","Fred: \"But if something *did* come out of the portal, and if it *is* looking for Connor, and if Angel did find him...\"","Cordy: \"He did.\" The lobby doors open and Angel limps in.","Groo: \"Angel.\"","Cordy: \"Oh my god.\"","Gunn: \"Bro, you're hurt.\"","Angel: \"I'm okay.\"","Cordy: \"You found him.\"","Angel: \"Yeah.\"","Cordy: \"And?\"","Angel: \"And - we talked.\" Angel drops down on the settee with a sigh.","Cordy: \"Looks to me like he likes to talk with his hands.\"","Angel: \"Oh, he didn't do this to me. Not most of it, any way.\"","Gunn: \"So, is it for sure then? That kid really was Connor?\"","Angel: \"Steven. His name is Steven now. - He's still my son.\"","Fred: \"So - where is he?\"","Angel: \"Not sure. But he knows where I am. He'll be fine.\"","Fred: \"Actually - he might not be.\"","Angel: \"What do you mean?\"","Cordy: \"Something may have escaped from Quor-toth before we had time to close the portal.\"","Gunn: \"Lorne's dimensional magic expert was picking up some seriously bad vibes.\"","Angel: \"So nobody actually saw anything else come out.\"","Fred: \"Well, not exactly.\"","Angel: \"And if my son was the last thing that came through...\"","Gunn: \"Right.\"","Fred: \"But what if it was some vengeance-y else thing that's after Connor?\"","Angel: \"He survived Quor-toth this long. He can take care of himself.\"","Fred: \"Okay. So he survived and unspeakable hell dimension. Who hasn't? You-you can't just leave him alone in the streets of Los Angeles!\"","Angel: \"He's got to come back on his own. And he will. Just as soon as he realizes what he needs.\"","Gunn: \"And what's that?\"","Cordy: \"A father.\"","Connor: \"A room.\" Connor walks up to the reception window of a motel and drops a handful of money on the counter.","Connor: \"I need a room for me and my father.\" Connor turns his head and looks at Holtz coming up beside him. Intro We get an outside shot of the French Cottage Motel in the morning sun. Connor walks out of the office carrying a newspaper. He sees a man take a bag of candy out of the vending machine standing against the side of the motel, and bite into it as he walks away. Connor walks over to the machine and starts to push the buttons. When no food comes out he rattles the machine, then picks the whole thing up and slams it down. Connor enters motel room 204 carrying the newspaper and an armful of junk food. He closes the door and drops the stuff on the table.","Connor: \"I found food in a big metal box outside. - Dad?\" Holtz comes out of the bathroom.","Holtz: \"Oh, good boy. You got it.\" Connor hands him the paper.","Holtz: \"Now. Let's have a look at the date.\" Holtz stares at the paper then drops down on the end of one of the beds.","Holtz: \"Days. We've been gone only days.\"","Connor: \"I don't like this place. So many people. It's not like home.\"","Holtz: \"Quor-toth was never our home, son. It was our prison. I should have known that one day *you'd* find a way out.\"","Connor: \"The cracks were there already. I just made the sluks show me. That's all.\"","Holtz gets up: \"Frightened rats, forced to flee to daylight. (Pats Connor on the cheek) My boy's smart.\"","Connor: \"You shouldn't have followed me here.\" Holtz sits down on a chair: \"How could I not?\" Connor crouches down in front of him, putting a hand on Holtz' knee.","Connor: \"I would have come back to you, after I killed him. (Straightens up and turns away) I'm sorry I couldn't.\"","Holtz: \"Of course you couldn't. It's not in you, son.\"","Connor: \"I've killed lots!\"","Holtz: \"Only when you had to, only to survive. (Gets up) And that's not the real reason why you worked so hard to get here. You wanted to see him.\"","Connor: \"No.\" He walks past Holtz and sits down on the end of the bed.","Holtz: \"It's alright son. There is no shame in it. I knew this day would come. That's why I never lied to you. I've always told you the truth about what you're parents were (Crouches down in front of Connor) how you and I came to be together.\"","Connor: \"God gave me to you.\"","Holtz: \"Yes. God delivered me to you, that I'd keep you safe and lavish upon you all the love that I could never give my first children.\"","Connor: \"Because he took them from you.\"","Holtz: \"That's right.\"","Connor: \"I wish I *had* killed him.\"","Holtz: \"If you had, then you wouldn't be the boy I raised, or the man I know you'll be one day. There's more for you to learn, Steven, much more.\"","Connor: \"And I want to.\"","Holtz: \"Good. (Stands up) Then you must go to him.\"","Connor: \"What?\"","Holtz: \"Walk in his world, learn all you can. (Puts a hand on Connor's shoulder) Discover what of him is in you that you might fight against it. (Puts a hand under Connor's chin and makes him look up) But be on your guard. Remember what I've taught you. The devil will show you bright things, many colors.\" Lorne turns a crystal shimmering with many colors in his hand as he holds it out to Fred.","Lorne: \"I would have been here sooner, but I had to stop and get it enchanted. Cedrian Crystals don't actually come that way.\"","Gunn: \"Will it work?\"","Fred: \"It should. Cedrian crystals are said to contain millennia of stored mystical energy and it's about the size of a \"D\" battery.\" Cordy and Groo walk in.","Cordy: \"That's gorgeous.\"","Fred: \"And priceless.\"","Lorne: \"Though in this instance priceless meaning 'without price' as in free. A six-horned Lach-Nie owed me a favor. Don't ask.\" Cordy points at the contraption on the desk in front of Fred: \"I meant that.\"","Fred: \"Oh. Standard issue army surplus Geiger counter.\"","Gunn: \"We picked it up at a yard sale.\"","Cordy: \"Shiny.\"","Groo: \"What it is purpose?\"","Gunn: \"We're gonna use it to see if scary monsters came through the portal.\"","Fred: \"Anything that came out of Quor-toth should have left behind a kind of para-plasmic radioactivity. Of course, I'm working of the principal that everything in nature seeks a relaxed and stable state.\"","Lorne: \"I know I do.\"","Cordy to Gunn: \"Hey. So, how is he?\"","Gunn looks towards the stairs: \"Well, still being all mature.\"","Cordy: \"Really. Where?\"","Gunn: \"Upstairs.\"","Cordy: \"I'm gonna go talk to him.\" Groo watches Cordy walk towards the stairs, letting out a sigh. Angel is in his apartment practicing against the punching bag.","Cordy: \"Hey. - I guess Fred is working on a way to determine if anything else came out of the portal.\" Angel steadies the bag, but doesn't turn to face Cordy.","Angel: \"That's good.\" Angel goes back to practicing.","Cordy: \"So, maybe if we're very, very lucky, later today we'll be able to kill something. You'd like that, wouldn't you?\"","Angel: \"Sure.\"","Cordy: \"Okay. Well, I just wanted to check in and let you know that I was on the clock and tell you that you're doing the right thing.\" Angel stops punching the bag, but doesn't turn around. After a beat Cordy starts to leave.","Angel: \"What if he doesn't come back?\" Cordy stops and they turn to look at each other. Groo is standing in the garden courtyard. Lorne walks up to him.","Lorne: \"Hey. Something troubling you, bubby?\"","Groo: \"Indeed. I am confused.\"","Lorne: \"About what?\"","Groo: \"Angel. His inaction puzzles me. When Connor was taken from him he moved heaven and Tarkna to try and win him back.\"","Lorne: \"Yeah, he sure did. Hence our weekly scrubbing of the lobby floor.\"","Groo: \"But now that his son is here, he does nothing.\"","Lorne: \"Well, sometime nothing is the best something. If a thing is meant to be somethimes it is best to just let it happen rather than try to force it.\"","Groo: \"But if a thing is meant to be then how can it be forced?\"","Lorne: \"Well, I guess it can't.\"","Groo: \"And if a thing is not meant to be?\"","Lorne: \"Well, then it really can't. Just because someone hops a dimension or two is no guarantee that things will work out. - Well, aren't you just sneaky with the subtext?\" Groo walks out into the middle of the court and looks up at the sky.","Groo: \"It is a beautiful day. If my princess asks, tell her I've gone for a walk. - If she asks.\"","Angel: \"He feels further away from me now than when he was first taken. All that time I don't think I ever really believed that I'd lost him - not really. Then he shows up again and I knew I had.\"","Cordy: \"It's only temporary.\"","Angel: \"Yeah. Everything's temporary. There's just so much I thought we'd be able to do together before he, you know...\"","Cordy: \"Grew up?\"","Angel: \"Hated me.\"","Cordy: \"Angel, he doesn't hate you. He doesn't even know you. - But he will. He's gonna come back, Angel.\"","Angel: \"How do you know?\"","Cordy: \"Because - he has to. Because he's family.\" Wes is sitting at the table in his apartment, opening the plastic on a TV dinner (almost burning his fingers) and pouring himself a glass of red wine when his computer beeps. After a beat he walks over to it and opens the message he just received: 782 W. Palm Terrace. 8:30 p.m. Come alone.' Fred is walking around the Hyperion with her modified Geiger counter, the others following behind her.","Fred: \"Getting a good, strong reading here.\"","Lorne: \"Should we be wearing lead? 'cause I actually have something.\"","Fred: \"Okay. This is approximately where the portal was, so it makes sense that I'd be getting a reading here. Uh, mark that.\" Gunn marks the floor with a piece of chalk, as Fred moves on, eyes on the readout of the Geiger counter.","Fred: \"Okay, looks like something might have come in here. (Keeps moving forward not looking where she's going) Or - here. (The clicking of the Geiger counter increases as she turns to the side) Wait a minute. Wow. Something here is pretty (looks up see Connor standing in front of her) hot. - Angel's son! Hi. I didn't mean to click at you.\" She turns the instrument off, throws a glance back at the others then hurries to stand next to Gunn while Angel steps closer to Connor.","Angel: \"Hey.\"","Connor: \"Hey. - I - ah, I thought I'd come by like you said.\"","Angel: \"I'm glad you did. (Turns) Everyone, ah, this is ah, this is Steven. Steven this is Fred, Gunn, Cordelia and that's Lorne.\"","Lorne: \"Hello, young man.\"","Angel to group: \"So, are we about done here?\"","Fred: \"Oh! Yeah. I - I think we've covered everything.\"","Gunn: \"Maybe we could take this outside.\"","Fred: \"Yes. We should do a perimeter search then recalibrate for some wider areas.\"","Angel: \"That would be a good idea.\"","Fred: \"It was very nice to meet you, Steven.\" Gunn and Fred leave.","Lorne: \"Uhm, yeah, I - I have a thing.\" Lorne walks past Connor and upstairs.","Cordy: \"Yes, so, uhm, I just be sure to hold all your calls. You just - you guys take your time.\"","Angel: \"Thanks.\" Cordy walks towards Wes' office and Angel turns back to face Connor. Both of them fold their arms in perfect unison while not even looking at each other, both shift from foot to foot.","Angel: \"So... - You hungry?\"","Connor: \"What do you have?\"","Angel: \"We can go out.\"","Cordy: \"What!? Where?!\" Angel turns to see Cordy coming towards him, one hand cupped behind her ear.","Angel: \"Cordy.\"","Cordy yelling: \"Angel! It's a bar! Vampires. A gang of them!\"","Angel: \"Cordy...\"","Cordy: \"Angel, can you hear me!?\" Suddenly we see Angel the way Cordy does, standing in the middle of a dimly lit bar, surrounded by people, music blaring loudly.","Cordy: \"I can see her. A woman. Angel! (Cordy sees Angel's lips move, but can hear what he's saying) She's all alone. She doesn't see them. Angel, you have to hurry!\" Suddenly the bar is whisked away leaving only Angel standing before her in the lobby.","Angel: \"Slow down.\" Cordy looks around for a moment.","Cordy: \"There is a woman at a bar there is a gang of vampires that are after her. You have to help her.\"","Angel: \"So much for holding my call, huh?\"","Cordy: \"Sorry.\"","Angel to Connor: \"Listen, uhm, - I - I, ah, have to go out for a while.\"","Connor, backing to: \"It's okay.\"","Angel: \"It's kind of my job.\"","Connor: \"Yeah. Whatever.\"","Angel: \"It could be kind of dangerous. There's a lot of killing and violence. You wanna come?\" Connor stops and looks back at Angel over his shoulder. Break The bar from Cordy's vision, the camera pans past people dancing with light sticks in their hands, up to a balcony overlooking the main floor. Wes steps up to the railing and surveys the crowd.","Lilah: \"I see you got my invitation.\"","Wes: \"Lilah. (Tuns to face her) Obviously.\"","Lilah: \"I thought the 'come alone' was a particularly ironic touch. I mean, how else would you come?\" Wes starts to walk past her, but Lilah holds out a hand to stop him.","Lilah: \"Don't rush off. Just look over there.\" Wes looks and sees Justine sitting at the bar.","Lilah: \"I went to a lot of trouble to arrange this little show for you.\"","Wes: \"Good bye.\" Wes starts to walk away.","Lilah: \"Okay, but leave now and you'll miss her big death scene. (Wes stops and turns back) Don't tell me you wouldn't like to see the bitch that slit your throat and left you to die get a little of her own back.'","Wes: \"What's going on here, Lilah?\"","Lilah: \"Some source - can't imagine who - tipped her off that tonight this place would be filthy with vampires. Which, as it turns out, is true.\"","Wes: \"Right. Because that same source tipped off the vampires that *she* would be here.\"","Lilah: \"Seems she has been pissing off a lot of undead Americans lately.\"","Wes: \"And you thought I'd enjoy a box seat for her slaughter.\"","Lilah smiling brightly: \"Well - yeah.\"","Wes: \"You really don't know the first thing about me, do you?\"","Lilah: \"Probably not.\" Wes turns to walk off and Lilah steps up close to him.","Lilah: \"Like, will he go straight to his car, or will he stop to warn her first?\" Wes stops, but doesn't turn or speak.","Lilah: \"He has to think about it. That's good. That's all I really needed to know. (Turns away from him) You can go.\" Wes takes a step after her: \"A *test* Lilah?\"","Lilah: \"Oh, don't look so grim. I just needed to know whether or not I was wasting my time. And to prove we're still friends, I'll have her pulled out of there before anything *really* lethal happens. That way you don't have to torture yourself as to whether or not you did the right thing.\" Wes looks past her to floor below and takes step closer to the railing.","Wes: \"I don't think that will be necessary.\" Lilah steps up next to him and sees Angel moving through the crowd.","Angel: \"Well, you wanted to kill a vampire. This might be your chance. (Unobtrusively hands a stake to Connor) Here take this. Just make sure that when you use that thing go straight for...\"","Connor: \"...the heart. I know. My father taught me.\"","Angel: \"Yeah, I'm sure he did. Look, there are a lot of innocent people in here. Just don't go nailing anybody until they show their game face, okay?\"","Connor: \"Will it look like yours did?\"","Angel: \"Yeah.\" Angel spots Justine drinking at the bar.","Connor: \"So why do you do it?\"","Angel: \"Do what?\"","Connor: \"Why kill them if they're like you?\" Justine spots Angel and gets of her barstool.","Angel: \"They're not like me, Connor.\"","Connor: \"I'm not Connor.\"","Bartender to Justine: \"Ready for another?\"","Angel to Connor: \"Just stay right there.\"","Justine: \"No, I'm done.\" The bartender and the two guys sitting on either side of her vamp out. Bartender, grabbing a hold of her arm: \"You're not wrong.\"","Vamp: \"She thinks she's a Slayer.\"","Bartender: \"She's about to learn different.\" The bartender pulls Justine up onto the bar even as she turns and kicks one of the vamps away and straight onto Angel's stake. Connor watches as the vamp turns to dust. The bartender throws Justine into the shelves of bottles behind the bar. A vamp catches Angel's right hand as the stake descends towards his heart, but Angel simply stakes him with the one in his left. Three other vamps attack Angel in the small space that has cleared around Angel as Wes watches from the balcony. Justine screams as the bartender takes a hold of her. Connor runs forward, jumping to land in the clear space next to Angel.","Angel: \"Nice... Ah, take the one on the...\" Connor runs past to attack the vamp holding Justine.","Angel: \"Well, yeah. That-that makes more sense.\" Angel gets tackled by one of the vamps and turns his attention back to the fight. Lilah watches Connor dust the bartender.","Lilah: \"Who's the boy wonder? He moves just like...\"","Wes: \"...his father.\" Lilah stares at Wes for a moment before turning back to watch the fight. Connor helps Justine up and the two of them stare at each other for a beat before he leads her around the bar. Justine stops to stare again, but Angel pulls Connor away.","Angel to Justine: \"Go. Get out of here. Go!\" After one last look at Connor Justine runs off, while Angel and Connor turn back to back to fight off the remaining vampires. There is short lull in the fight and they glance at each other, a small smile appearing on both of their faces, before they return their attention to the vamps.","Lilah: \"Now tell me you're not interested.\" Lilah turns to look at Wes, only to find him gone. One of the vampires turns to run and Connor takes off after him. No more vampires attacking, Angel moves to follow Connor. Connor slowly moves out of the backdoor of the bar into a dark and deserted alley, stake at the ready. Suddenly he spins and slams the stake home - only to have his wrist caught in Angel's hand before the stake can penetrate his heart. They remain frozen in that position for a moment, Connor breathing hard. Then Angel turns the hand holding the stake and hauls back to hit Connor's arms, causing him to spin around and dust the vampire standing behind him. Connor slowly turns back around, looking everywhere but at Angel, while we can hear a pounding like a heartbeat overlaid over the scene.","Angel: \"They don't need to breathe or make any sound. You gotta be careful. - You know you were - you were good in there. (Connor looks up at Angel) I mean, normally I'd take you to a ballgame, or a museum, or - something. But it's - it's good to know that you can handle yourself in a fight.\" Angel mock-attacks Connor. Connor jumps back, then smiles.","Angel: \"It's good to know you can do that, too.\" Connor throws a fake punch at Angel.","Angel smiling: \"Woah.\" Laughing and smiling the two of them start dancing around each other, throwing fake punches, jumping up on the trash containers sitting along the wall of the alley, horsing around. The camera pulls back to show us Holtz stepping out of the shadows on one of the emergency ladders on the houses lining the alley, watching them from above. Connor is sitting in Holtz' motel room eating an Oreo cookie. The door opens and Holtz walks in, stops in front of Connor and looks down at him.","Connor: \"Father. - He was everything that you said. He tried to trick me. Thought that he could deceive me by saving people. It didn't work. I've seen his true face.\"","Holtz: \"And I've seen yours.\" Cordy is lounging on Angel's bed while Angel is sitting in a chair across the room.","Angel: \"The kid was born for it. The way he anticipated, I'm telling you, it's in his blood.\"","Cordy: \"You don't say.\"","Angel: \"There we were and it was like we had never been apart. He felt it, too. I know he did. You should have seen us together.\"","Cordy: \"I did.\"","Angel: \"What do you mean, you did?\"","Cordy: \"Ah - after you left, I went back into my vision.\"","Angel: \"You went back in?\"","Cordy sits up: \"Don't ask me how. I don't know if it is part of my new semi-demoness, or - or if they just let me go back in. But I was there. I saw the whole thing, you and your son together. It was beautiful.\"","Connor: \"Stop saying that!\" Holtz is sitting across the table from Connor, holding his hands.","Holtz: \"It is true, son.\"","Connor: \"You're wrong!\"","Holtz: \"I'm not wrong. Anyone who saw you together would realize - that's where you're meant to be - at his side.\"","Connor: \"No!\"","Holtz: \"It was your need for him that drove you across the dimension.\"","Connor: \"I don't need him!\"","Holtz: \"Go back to him, Steven.\"","Connor: \"Why are you doing this? Why? God gave me to you.\"","Holtz: \"Yes. It was god's plan for us to be together. Nothing will ever persuade me otherwise. But now it's time for me to give you back.\"","Connor: \"He's a demon.\"","Holtz: \"And you're the b*st*rd son of two demons.\"","Connor: \"Then I'm a demon.\"","Holtz: \"You're not. God help me, I don't know what you are, but I'm not the one to give you answers, and there *are* answers. Go and find them out.\" Fred and Gunn pull up across from the French Cottage motel, still following the readings of Fred's modified Geiger counter.","Fred: \"Okay. Except for the hotel the strongest emissions are coming from somewhere in this vicinity.\"","Gunn: \"Now what? We go door to door and ask if anyone's seen any inter-dimensional boogies?\"","Fred: \"I'm not sure. I don't even know if we should be looking above ground or not.\" Connor pulls his hands out from under Holtz'.","Connor: \"You told me not to be deceived. But you've let yourself be deceived.\"","Holtz: \"If I could stop this, I would, son. But we were brought here by forces beyond our control.\" Connor jumps up and heads for the door.","Connor: \"You're wrong.\" Gunn spots Connor storming out of a door on the upper level of the motel.","Gunn: \"Hey. Check it out.\" They watch as Connor reaches the end of the balcony and after quick look around drops down over the railing to run off.","Fred: \"Looks like we've been following Angel's son's emissions the whole time.\"","Gunn: \"Now there is a sentence I don't ever need to hear again.\"","Fred: \"But it's good, right? It means there was no big scary that came out of the portal.\" Gunn turns back to look at the room Connor ran out of and sees Holtz appear in the open door.","Gunn: \"How about a short scary?\" Holtz slowly closes the door. Lorne, wearing a dressing gown, is pouring himself a drink. He turns and sees Connor standing in the middle of the hotel lobby.","Lorne: \"Oh, hey, kiddo. I didn't see you there. You looking for your dad? Come on. He's upstairs. I'll show you the room. - This way.\"","Connor: \"I'm not going anywhere with you, demon.\"","Lorne: \"I'll tell you what, since you were raised in a hell dimension by a psychopath, and since that happens to be a topic that I know a little something about, we'll just let that slide. Now I'll fetch your pop for you.\" Lorne turns to continue up the stairs.","Connor: \"Filthy demon.\"","Lorne turns back: \"Actually, that's *uncle* filthy demon to you. It wasn't that long ago - like a week - I was changing your diapers, you little...\"","Cordy: \"Hey!\" Cordy walks in and walks over to stand between them.","Cordy: \"What's the problem?\" Lorne just looks at Connor.","Cordy: \"Steven?\" Steven never takes his stare off Lorne.","Cordy: \"Steven.\" After a beat Connor lets himself be lead over to the settee and sits down with Cordy, but he keeps staring at Lorne.","Cordy: \"I know you haven't been in this world very long, and I imagine that things are pretty wild west-y where you're from, but Lorne's a good guy. Honestly.\"","Connor: \"It's a demon.\"","Cordy: \"Right. True. *He* is. But 'demon' doesn't always mean 'evil' in this dimension. I mean, look at me. (Connor's eye track from Lorne to look at her) Well, I'm part demon. Yeah. By choice. I did it so that I could help people. (Turns to look at Lorne) And so that the back of my head wouldn't...\" Connor draws his knife and lunges to stab Cordy in the heart. Break","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lorne: \"Cordy!\" Cordy and Connor stare at each other as Cordy keeps Connor's knife hand from descending on her. Cordy's eyes begin to glow with and intense white light. The light spreads, moves up her arm and into Connor, dissolving the blade of his knife and leaving him holding just the handle.","Cordy: \"Let it go, honey. - Just let it go. You don't need that. You don't need any of that.\" The light leaves Cordy, suffusing Connor instead, as Cordy sits back up across from Connor.","Cordy: \"That's right. Just let it go, baby.\" The light disappears all together, leaving Connor panting and staring at Cordy.","Cordy: \"Shh.\" Cordy reaches up to run her hand over Connor's cheek.","Cordy, whispering: \"It's okay, sweetie. That's right. It's okay.\" Connor's eyes close and he leans his head against Cordy and cries into her shoulder. Cordy holds on to him.","Cordy: \"I know. Shh. - It's okay. - It's okay.\" Connor sits back up and Cordy turns to look up at the balcony overlooking the lobby to see Angel standing at the railing. Angel watches from the door to Wes' office as Lorne hands Connor a cup, then turns back to face Cordy, sitting at the desk.","Angel: \"How do you feel?\"","Cordy: \"Okay. Drained. But okay.\"","Lorne: \"Well, you got some serious mojo going on, girl. Whatever deal you struck with the Powers, it looks to me like they gave you the full package - all the extras. That kid was toxic when he came here tonight. Heavy on the 'ick'.\"","Angel: \"What actually happened out there?\"","Lorne: \"In my professional opinion? Well, Miss demon-y britches here gave that child some kind of 'soul colonic'. Flushed him out but good.\"","Angel: \"Flushed what out?\"","Cordy: \"It was that place, Quor-toth. It crept into every part of him. He was sick with it.\"","Angel: \"When Fred was taking her readings...\"","Lorne: \"He nearly broke the needle. My guess? She wouldn't even get so much as a click off him now.\" Angel crouches down in front of Cordy.","Angel: \"Thank you. Thank you for doing this for him.\"","Cordy: \"I know what it was like for him there, the darkness and the confusion. He thought it was where he belonged.\" Angel slowly walks up to where Connor is still sitting on the settee.","Angel: \"Hey, pal. How 're you doing?\"","Connor: \"I might have tried to kill your friend.\"","Angel: \"Yeah, well - she's used to it.\"","Connor: \"I think I should go.\" Angel goes to sit down on the settee next to Connor.","Angel: \"Look - why don't you just - stay here? - I know it doesn't feel like it yet - but this could be home for you.\" Connor, staring straight in front of him: \"I don't have a home.\"","Angel: \"That's not true. You just don't remember, that's all. - Your home is here. This is where you're supposed to be, son.\"","Connor: \"You speak as though you're my father.\"","Angel, smiling slightly: \"Well...\"","Connor: \"He said the same thing. (Angel's smile melts away) He said, we came back for a reason.\"","Angel: \"Did he?\" The doors open and Fred and Gunn come hurrying in. They stop as they see Angel and Connor, and Gunn clears his throat. Holtz goes to look through the peephole in the door of his motel room, in response to a knock. He opens the door to reveal Justine standing there.","Justine: \"Daniel.\" Holtz just looks at her. Angel walks into Wes' office where Gunn and Fred are waiting.","Angel: \"I told him you two were going to take him out, spend some time with him.\"","Gunn: \"And he's good with that?\"","Angel: \"Yeah, he seems to be.\"","Fred: \"Where do you want us to take him?\"","Angel: \"Some place were this world isn't as ugly as he thinks it is.\"","Gunn: \"How long you need?\"","Angel: \"A couple of hours should do it.'","Gunn: \"Hey, uhm, what if he asks where you're at?\"","Angel: \"Don't tell him.\" Gunn and Fred file out of the office and Angel grabs his coat.","Cordy: \"Wait. Angel, before you go we have to do that thing.\"","Angel: \"What thing?\"","Cordy: \"That thing we do. You know that thing where I say 'are you sure you know what you're doing, Angel, please think about this' and then you ignore me and rush head long into trouble?\"","Angel: \"Right. That thing. - Okay, are we done?\"","Cordy: \"Angel, please think about this. In fact, don't go there at all.\"","Angel: \"I have to.\"","Cordy: \"I know. But don't.\"","Angel: \"I'm not gonna kill him even though he deserves it.\" Angel turns to go.","Cordy: \"Oh, I don't care if you kill him. (Angel stops and turns back to look at Cordy) He stole Connor's childhood, so kill him. But don't lie to your son. He's been here like a day. Way to build the trust.\"","Angel: \"I'm not lying to him.\"","Cordy: \"No, you're just sending him off to be distracted while you go confront the man he thinks of as his father.\"","Angel after a beat: \"I'm his father.\" Cordy watches him turn and walk out.","Justine: \"Before you there was nothing. I was dead. They'd taken my sister. They'd taken a part of me. You gave me a reason again - even if it was all lies.\" They are sitting on the two beds, facing each other.","Holtz quietly: \"Not all.\"","Justine: \"I still think I'd do anything for you. I'd have followed you into hell if you would have let me.\" Holtz stretches out on his bed: \"Thank god you didn't.\"","Justine: \"I can't believe you survived it. - How did you?\"","Holtz: \"My hate kept us alive.\"","Justine: \"Hate gets a bad rap. It can keep you going sometimes when nothing else will.\"","Holtz: \"Yes. I found I had to stay alive that I might pass on my legacy of hate. But something happened in that place, Justine, something changed. Amidst the most unspeakable ugliness the hate turned into love. Love for a son. Hate is not enough. I found that love is far more powerful. Now there is just one thing I need you to do for me and then I can finally be done with vengeance.\" Connor is standing on the beach watching the waves roll in.","Connor: \"What is it?\"","Gunn: \"The ocean. Pacific.\"","Connor: \"Ocean. My father taught me about oceans. He never said it was so...\"","Fred: \"Big?\"","Connor: \"Empty.\"","Fred: \"It's not. It's just all under the surface. A whole 'nother world actually.\"","Connor: \"Everything's so different here.\"","Fred: \"I know how you feel. (Gunn looks down at her) I got lost once like you. - When I came back nothing seemed real. Like I was seeing everything from the bottom of the ocean.\"","Connor: \"I don't remember being lost.\" Connor walks away from Gunn and Fred up to the edge of the surf.","Gunn: \"Ah, Steven? Yo!\"","Fred: \"Maybe we should just give him a minute.\" Gunn wraps an arm around her shoulder and Fred leans against him.","Fred: \"I wish Angel was here.\"","Gunn: \"Yeah. His kid seeing the ocean for the first time, too bad he had to miss it.\"","Fred: \"That's not what I meant. I just - feel sort of creepy, keeping him busy and distracted while Angel...\"","Gunn: \"Confronts the kidnapper?\"","Fred: \"Well, if you're gonna put it like that. - What do you think he'll do?\"","Gunn: \"I don't know. I know what I'd do. But Angel will deal with Holtz in his own way.\" Connor turns from watching the surf to look back at them.","Fred: \"Uh-oh.\"","Gunn: \"No way. He couldn't have heard us.\"","Fred: \"He did.\" Connor runs off. Break Cordy turns out the light in the office as she picks up her coat and purse to go home. As she walks towards the doors she sees a figure wearing a black leather jacket and starts to smile.","Cordy: \"Angel. Oh my god, do you know how happy this makes me? I ask you not to go and you didn't go? I'm so glad to see...\" She runs up to hug him, slowing as the man steps out of the shadows. It's Groo.","Cordy: \"...you. - Hi.\" Holtz is sitting at the table in the motel room. He folds a piece of paper and sticks it into an envelope.","Holtz: \"I can't recall - would you require an invitation for a place like this?\" Angel is standing in the open door behind Holtz.","Angel: \"Public accommodation? (Steps across the threshold) No.\"","Holtz: \"No. You'd think I'd remember something like that. It would have seemed important once. (Stands up and turns to face Angel) Details begin to escape me.\" Angel gives the door a push so it closes behind him then grabs Holtz by the throat and slams him up against the wall.","Angel: \"You stole my son.\"","Holtz: \"I kept your son alive. You murdered mine.\" After a beat Angel slowly backs off and withdraws his hand from Holtz' throat.","Angel: \"I was different then.\" Holtz, reaching up to touch his throat: \"Yes. So was I. - You feel remorse. You feel remorse yet you can't express it.\"","Angel: \"You want me to say I'm sorry? How can I? It wouldn't mean a thing.\"","Holtz: \"It would mean a little. Not much, but it would be something.\"","Angel: \"Then I'm sorry. For whatever little it might mean. It's all I've got.\" Angel stands still, looking straight ahead, not at Holtz.","Holtz, lowering his hand: \"Not all. - You had a son. - So - there it is. (Sits down) I thought by depriving you of that son it would allow me some measure of justice. I was wrong.\"","Angel: \"Taking Connor from me was never justice. It was vengeance.\"","Holtz: \"Or maybe vengeance is what I do now. Give back what I took.\"","Angel: \"What?\"","Holtz stands up: \"I'm an old man now. I have nothing to offer the boy. You can give him what I can't - his purpose. But every time you look upon his face - every time he calls you 'father' - you will be reminded of that which you took and can never give back. - And if that is vengeance, I find I have no taste for it.\" Holtz picks up the letter and holds it out to Angel.","Holtz: \"All I ask is that you give him this. It's not sealed. I expect you'll examine it. You should.\"","Angel: \"Why are you doing this.\"","Holtz: \"I thought I'd made that plain. I love my son. (Angel closes his eyes for a moment) And this is the only way I know to ensure that he will go on loving me.\" Angel takes a hold of the letter and turns to look at Holtz. After a moment he pulls the letter out of Holtz' hand and turns to leave.","Holtz: \"He won't accept this at first. He'll try to find me. (Angel stops with one hand on the door) - He never will.\" Angel opens the door and slowly walks out. Connor is running down a dark alley. Angel stops his convertible at a deserted stretch of beach road. He takes out the letter and starts to read it.","Holtz voice over: \"Dearest Steven, (We see Connor running down a street) this is a most difficult letter for me to write. You mean more to me than anything in this world or any other. But your best interests must come first, which is why by the time you receive this, I will be gone. (Holtz takes one last look back at the motel room) I hope one day you will be able to forgive an old man's weakness, (Connor runs down the middle of a street, cars dodging around him) which compels him to say these things in a letter. (Holtz looks at Justine) But to attempt a good-bye in your presence (Connor running, jumping over a car) would be impossible for me. I fear I would never let you go. And I must let you go. (Angel reading the letter) I know that if I didn't you would only end up hating me. And that I could not bear.\" Justine slams Holtz up against the side wall of the motel: \"Don't make me do it. I can't.\" Holtz has his hand wrapped around Justine's right hand and the awl she is holding up between them.","Holtz: \"We already know you can. You promised. You said you'd do anything for me. Come on, Justine. I'm not asking you to follow me into hell. Just help send me there. (Shakes her) Do it!\" Crying, Justine, her hand still covered by Holtz', stabs him in the side of the neck with the awl. Angel is reading the letter.","Holtz voice over: \"Your destiny lies with Angel. I know that now. (Holtz slides down the wall, still holding on to Justine) You will have a better life with him.\"","Holtz to Justine: \"Again. Again!\" Crying, Justine stabs Holtz neck a second time just below the first puncture.","Holtz voice over: \"I'm comforted by that certainty and the knowledge that with him (Connor running) you will discover your true purpose and come to know who it is you are meant to be.\" Angel folds up the letter and returns it to the envelope. Connor runs. Holtz, staring up at the dark sky, whispers: \"Steven.\" Angel, wearing the trace of a smile, quietly: \"Connor.\" Connor bursts into the motel room: \"Dad!\"","Looks around the empty room: \"Dad?\"","Holtz voice over: \"My only prayer is that I have prepared you well enough for whatever lies ahead.\" Connor backs out of the motel room and hurries down the balcony.","Holtz v.o: \"I trust that I have. Be brave. Lovingly, your father.\" Connor runs through a metal gate and stops as he sees Justine, running her hand over Holtz' head resting in her lap. He runs up to them and drops down nest to Holtz, putting his hands on Holtz shoulders. Justine slowly raises her head to look at him. Connor stares at the two puncture wounds on Holtz' neck.","Connor: \"Angelus.\"","BLACK OUT."],"Show Title":"Angel","Episode Number":"03x21","Episode Title":"Benediction","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Arrow_01x01.json","Recap":["Billionaire playboy Oliver Queen , missing and presumed dead after a shipwreck that claimed the life of his father, Robert , is discovered alive after five years on a remote Pacific island . He is welcomed home to Starling City by his mother Moira , stepfather Walter Steele , younger sister Thea , and best friend Tommy Merlyn , but they sense he has changed. Moira assigns John Diggle as Oliver's bodyguard. Oliver hides the truth about the man he has become, and tries to reconcile with his former girlfriend, Laurel Lance , whom he cheated on with her sister Sara (who died in the shipwreck). While reconnecting with those closest to him, by night Oliver secretly masquerades as a hooded vigilante archer, attempting to fulfill his dying father's request: to right the wrongs of his family. Oliver's first goal is to take down corrupt millionaire Adam Hunt , who has scammed millions from various people in the city. Laurel's father, police detective Quentin Lance , becomes determined to arrest the vigilante. Meanwhile, it is revealed Oliver's mother has an agenda at odds with her son, having orchestrated a kidnapping to determine what Robert told him after the shipwreck."],"Transcript":["A man breathes heavily whilst running through the forest. He climbs a cliff wall and sees a fishing boat in the distance. He continues to run and jumps down to the ground below. He reaches what seems to be his campsite; he sets his bow and arrow and fires a flaming arrow into a pile of sticks creating an explosion and alerting the native fisherman to the island.","Native Fishermen: [speaking mandarin]","Man (V.O.): The name of the island they found me on is Lian Yu. It's mandarin for \"purgatory\". I've been stranded here for 5 years. I've dreamt of my rescue every cold black night since then. For 5 years, I have had only one thought, one goal... survive... (man removes his hood and shows his face) survive and one day return home. [Fishing Boat] (one of the fishermen hands the man water to drink) The island held many dangers. To live, I had to make myself more than what I was, to forge myself into a weapon. I am returning not the boy who was shipwrecked but the man who will bring justice to those who have poisoned my city. My name is Oliver Queen.","[Starling City]","Television Anchorman: Oliver Queen is alive. The Starling City resident was found by fishermen in the North China sea 5 days ago, 5 years after he was missing and presumed dead following the accident at sea which claimed \"The Queen's Gambit.\" Queen was a regular tabloid presence and a fixture at the Starling City club scene. Shortly before his disappearance, he was acquitted of assault charges stemming from a highly publicized drunken altercation with paparazzi. Queen is the son of Starling City billionaire Robert Queen, who was also on board but now officially confirmed as deceased.","[Starling City Hospital] - Oliver Queen (now shaven) looks out the hospital room window emotionless whilst the Doctor talks outside the room.","Doctor: 20% of his body is covered in scar tissue. Second-degree burns on his back and arms. X-rays show at least 12 fractures that never properly healed. (Camera pans to show a woman observing Oliver outside the room)","Woman: Has he said anything about what happened?","Doctor: No. He's barely said anything. (The woman looks back to Oliver) Moira, I'd like you to prepare yourself. The Oliver you lost...might not be the one they found. (The woman opens door and goes inside)","Moira Queen: Oliver. (Oliver turns around)","Oliver: Mom. (They walk towards each other)","Moira: Oh... (on the precipice of tears) my beautiful boy. (They hug)","[Queen Mansion] - A black sedan pulls up to the house. The trunk opens and the driver reaches for the wooden suitcase but Oliver stops him","Oliver: I've got it. (Moira and Oliver enter the house)","Moira: Your room is exactly as you left it. I never had the heart to change a thing.","Man: Oliver. It's damn good to see you. (Oliver looks at him) It's Walter... (they shake hands) Walter Steele.","Moira: You remember Walter, your father's friend from the company. (Oliver walks past her to the maid)","Oliver: It's good to see you, Raisa.","Raisa: Welcome home, Mr. Oliver. Mr. Merlyn phoned. He wants to join you for dinner.","Moira: Wonderful. (A door opens and closes) Oliver? (Oliver walks toward the staircase) Did you hear that?","Oliver: Hey, sis.","Thea Queen: I knew it. I knew you were alive. (She hugs him) I missed you so much.","Oliver: You were with me the whole time.","[CNRI Office] - Two women have a conversation whilst one checks the mail.","Johanna De La Vega: Come on, Laurel. We're lawyers, not miracle workers. We can't win this.","Laurel Lance: If we can't win a class-action suit against a man who swindled hundreds of people out of their homes and life savings, then we're not fit to call ourselves a legal aid office.","Woman: And if we go bankrupt in the process, we won't be a legal aid office. Hunt has an army of lawyers, and they're ready to bury us.","Laurel: You and I against an army. I love those odds.","Johanna: Why do you hate me?","Laurel: [She scoffs] (She sits down and stares at a board with pinned newspaper clippings and photos of ADAM HUNT. The TV is heard in the distance)","Television Anchorman : And in other news, details as to the castaway story you've all heard about...the son of a very wealthy billionaire will soon become a legendary story. Jessica now has more details and the complete castaway story. (Laurel turns her attention from the board to the TV)","Jessica: \"The Queen's Gambit\" was last heard from more than 5 years ago. Mr. Queen has reportedly confirmed he was the only survivor of the accident that took the lives of 7 people, including local resident Sarah Lance. Survived by her sister, Laurel... (Laurel walks to the TV turns it off and everyone looks at her; she drops the remote on the table and proceeds to walk away)","[Queen Mansion - Oliver's Bedroom]","Oliver (V.O.): After 5 years, everything that was once familiar is now unrecognizable. The face I see in the mirror is a stranger. (Oliver looks at himself and at his scars. His Arrow persona flashes on screen as thunder strikes)","[Flashback] Queen's Gambit - 5 Years Ago. Robert Queen stares at the ship radar whilst a man emerges from outside soaking wet.","Crew Member: The storm's a category 2. The captain's recommending we head back.","Robert Queen: All right. Inform the crew.","Oliver: Are we in trouble?","Robert: One of us is. (Sarah Lance approaches from one of the cabins)","Sarah: Ollie? Where do you keep the bottle opener on this thing?","Oliver: I'll be there in a minute, Sarah.","Robert: [Sighs] You know, son, that is not going to finish well for either of them or for you.","[Present Day] - Oliver is fully-dressed and staring at a photo of him and his father. [Front door opens]","Tommy Merlyn: What did I tell you? Yachts suck. [Chuckles]","Oliver: Tommy Merlyn. [They hug]","Tommy: I missed you, buddy.","[Dinning Room] (Everyone is seated in the dining room for dinner)","Tommy: Ok. What else did you miss? Super bowl winners... Giants, Steelers, Saints, Packers, Giants again. A black president, that's new. Oh, and \"Lost,\" they were all dead...I think.","Thea: What was it like there? (The table goes quiet and tension fills the room)","Oliver: Cold.","Tommy: Tomorrow, you and me, we're doing the city. You've got a lot to catch up on.","Moira: That sounds like a great idea.","Oliver: Good. Then I was hoping to swing by the office.","Walter: (About to take a sip from his wine stops) Well, there's plenty of time for all that. Queen Consolidated isn't going anywhere.","Raisa comes to set a bowl of pears on the table. She trips but Oliver catches her and restores her balance.","Raisa: Oh, I am so sorry, Mr. Oliver.","Oliver: [Speaks Russian] It's no worry. (Tommy looks at him) (Raisa is equally stunned)","Tommy: Dude, you speak Russian?","Walter: I didn't realize you took Russian at college, Oliver.","Oliver: I didn't realize you wanted to sleep with my mother, Walter. (Silence fills the room and the tension returns. Moira looks at Oliver then at Thea)","Thea: I didn't say anything.","Oliver: She didn't have to. (Moira nods in acknowledgement)","Moira: Oliver...Walter and I are married, and I don't want you to think that either one of us did anything to disrespect your father.","Walter: We both believed that Robert, like you, was, uh, well, gone.","Oliver: (Visibly pained) It's fine. (Oliver gets up) May I be excused? (Moira nods)","Tommy: Hey, don't forget about tomorrow, buddy. (Oliver leaves)","[Oliver's Bedroom] - It's raining heavily, the window is open and Oliver is seen lying on his bedroom floor asleep by the window soaking wet.","[Flashback] Queen's Gambit - 5 Years Ago","Sarah: 1, 2, 3. It's getting closer.","Oliver: That's not very scientific.","Sarah: What would you know about science, Mr. Ivy League dropout?","Oliver: I happen to know a lot about science. I know about fermentation. I know biology. (He kisses her)","Sarah: Laurel's gonna kill me. Oh, she's so gonna kill me.","Oliver: Your sister will never know. Come here. (throws her on the bed)","Sarah: Ha Ha ha! [Thunder] Ok, that one was really close.","Oliver: Sarah, we're gonna be fine. (He kisses her)","(The champagne glasses tilt and suddenly the cabin flips and they're thrown to opposite sides of the room. [Sarah screams] Oliver regains his balance and looks up to find Sarah only to see her ripped away by the ocean.)","Oliver: Sarah? (The water takes her away and she screams) Sarah!","(Oliver now in the ocean himself screams for Sarah)","Oliver: Sarah!","Crew Member: Oliver!","Oliver: Sarah!","Crew Member: Oliver! (Oliver looks over and swims to the crew member on the lifeboat)","Oliver: Gus. (He climbs aboard the lifeboat) [Coughs] No! No! (turns around to go back-Robert stops him) No! Dad, she's out there!","Robert: She's not there.","Oliver: Sarah! (he watches the yacht sink)","Robert: She's gone.","[Present Day] - Moira wakes Oliver. He wakes up in attack mode, flips her and puts his hand to her throat.","Moira: Oliver? Wake up. Oliver?","Walter: Oliver! (Oliver looks at Walter then down at Moira, he releases her quickly and moves back to the window horrified)","Oliver: I'm sorry. I'm so... I'm so sorry. (Walter helps Moira up)","Moira: Oh, it's ok, Oliver. It's all right, sweetheart. You're home. You're home.","[Thea's Bedroom] - A girl crushes pills into powder on Thea's desk presumably to take them before they are interrupted by Oliver.","Thea: Where did you get these?","Girl: Roxies. Thank you, daddy's ACL tear. [Knock on the door][Both girls hide the pills and the powder]","Thea: Ollie.","Oliver: No one's called me that in a while, Speedy.","Thea: Worst nickname ever.","Oliver: What, always chasing after me as a kid? I thought it fit pretty well. Maybe it still does.","Girl: See you at school, Speedy. (she leaves)","Thea: Sorry about her.","Oliver: I have something for you.","Thea: You did not come back from a deserted island with a souvenir.","Oliver: It's a Hozen and in Buddhism, it symbolizes reconnecting. I kept it in hopes that one day, it would reconnect me with you.","Tommy: A rock! That is sweet. You know, I want one of those t-shirts that says \"My friend was a castaway, and all I got was this crappy shirt.\" [Chuckles]","Thea: Don't let him get you into too much trouble. You just got back. Take it slow. [Oliver kisses her on the check and they hug]","Tommy: Ahem. The city awaits. [In the hallway] Have you noticed how hot your sister's gotten? [Oliver gives him a stern look] Because I have not.","[Inside Tommy's Mercedes SLR]","Tommy: Your funeral blew.","Oliver: Did you get lucky?","Tommy: Fish in a barrel. They were so sad...","Oliver: No.","Tommy: And huggy.","Tommy: And I am counting on another target rich environment for your welcome home bash.","Oliver: At my what?","Tommy: You came back from the dead. This calls for a party. You tell me where and when. I'll take care of everything. And this city's gone to crap. Your dad sold his factory just in time. And why'd you want to drive through this neighborhood anyway? [Oliver looks at his father's old factory]","Oliver: No reason.","Tommy: So what'd you miss the most, steaks at the palm, drinks at the station, meaningless s*x?","Oliver: Laurel.","Tommy: Everyone is happy you're alive. You want to see the one person who isn't?","[CNRI Office]","Johanna: Laurel, I just got this from Hunt's lawyers. They filed a change of venue. We are now in front of Judge Grell.","Laurel: Hunt funded Grell's re-election campaign.","Johanna: Mm-hmm.","Laurel: He's got Grell in his back-pocket.","Johanna: You know, it's fun being your friend. I get to say \"I told you so\" a lot.","Laurel: No. Adam Hunt is not smarter than we are.","Johanna: No, he's just richer and willing to commit multiple felonies.","Laurel: We don't need to go outside the law...","Johanna: \"to find justice.\" Your dad's favorite jingle.","Oliver: Hello, Laurel.","[Outside CNRI Office]","Oliver: You went to law school. You said you would.","Laurel: Yeah. Everyone's proud.","Oliver: Adam Hunt's a heavy hitter. You sure you want to get in the ring with him?","Laurel: Five years and you want to talk about Adam Hunt?","Oliver: No. Not really.","Laurel: Why are you here, Ollie?","Oliver: To apologize. It was my fault. I wanted to ask you not to blame her.","Laurel: For what? Falling under your spell. How could I possibly blame her for doing the same things that I did?","Oliver: I never meant to...","Laurel: She was my sister. I couldn't be angry because she was dead. I couldn't grieve because I was so angry. That's what happens when your sister dies while screwing your boyfriend. We buried an empty coffin...because her body was at the bottom of the ocean where you left her. It should have been you.","Oliver: I know that it's too late to say this, but I'm sorry.","Laurel: Yeah, I'm sorry, too. I'd hoped that you'd rot in hell a whole lot longer than 5 years. How did you think that was gonna go, Tommy?","Tommy: About like that.","[Alleyway. Tommy and Oliver walk back to his car when suddenly they are ambushed by armed men who shot them with tranquilizers and Oliver sees one kill an innocent man]","Tommy: Ok, so we took care of that. Good call. Now we can make up for lost time. If you're not too sick of fish, I suggest we find some leggy models and eat Sushi all day. What do you say? [An van approaches them from behind] What're they doing? [armed men appear in front] What the hell?","Bystander: Hey! [One of the men shoots him dead]","[Flashback] - Lifeboat. Gus sets up a fluorescent light above the boat. Robert gives Oliver a bottle of water to drink.","Robert: Here, son. Drink.","Gus: What the hell are you doing?! (pointing to the bottle of water) That's all we've got.","Robert: If anybody's making it out of here, it's gonna be him. I'm so sorry. I thought I'd have more time. I'm not the man you think I am. I didn't build our city. I failed it. And I wasn't the only one.","[Present Day] - Desolate warehouse","Kidnapper: Mr. Queen. (The hood is yanked of Oliver's head) Mr. Queen! Did your father survive that accident? I ask the questions. You give me the answers. (tasers him) Did he make it to the island? Did he tell you anything? (tasers him)","Oliver: Yes, he did.","Kidnapper: What did he tell you, Mr. Queen? (Oliver looks at Tommy unconscious on the floor. Also zip-tied)","Oliver: He told me I'm gonna kill you.","Kidnapper: [laughs] You're delusional. You're zip-cuffed to that chair.","Oliver: (shows his hands) Not anymore.","(The first kidnapper attacks Oliver, Oliver meanwhile dodges his attack and knocks him out the his chair. He disarms the second kidnapper and uses him as a human shield. The third kidnapper makes a run for it but Oliver apprehends him and kills him)","Oliver: You killed that man.","Kidnapper 3: You don't have to do this.","Oliver: Yes, I do. Nobody can know my secret. [He breaks his neck-killing him]","[Queen Mansion] - Living Room","Detective Lance: So that's your story. A guy in a green hood flew in and single-handedly took out 3 armed kidnappers. I mean, who is he? Why would he do that?","Oliver: I don't know. Find him and you can ask.","Detective Lance: Yeah. What about you? (shows him the sketch) You see the hood guy?","Tommy: I saw... just movement. Everything blurry. I was kind of out of it.","Detective Lance: Yeah. It's funny, isn't it? One day back, and already somebody's gunning for you. Aren't you popular?","Moira: Were you able to identify the men?","Detective Hilton: Scrubbed identities, untraceable weapons. These were pros.","Detective Lance: Yeah. Well, they probably figured you'd pay a king's ransom to get your boy back or a Queen's ransom, as it were. After all, a parent would do anything to keep their child safe.","Moira: I don't find your tone appropriate, Detective.","Walter: If Oliver can think of anything else, he'll be in touch. Thank you, gentlemen, for coming. [Detective Lance chuckles]","Detective Lance: Your luck never seems to run out, does it? (The detectives leave)","[Oliver's Bedroom] - Raisa enters with lunch and she and Oliver talk.","Raisa: You are different. Not like you to read a book.","Oliver: I missed you, Raisa.","Raisa: No kitchen on the island.","Oliver: No. No friends either. (He stands and walks to her) Hey. (He takes the tray from her) Thank you. (He sets the tray down) Do I really seem different?","Raisa: No. You're still a good boy.","Oliver: Oh, I think we both know I wasn't.","Raisa: But a good heart.","Oliver: I hope so. I want to be the person you always told me I could be.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Outside the Mansion] Oliver is leaving the Mansion when Moira stops him and introduces him to his new bodyguard.","Moira: Oliver, I want to introduce you to someone... John Diggle. He'll be accompanying you from now on.","Oliver: I don't need a babysitter.","Walter: Darling, Oliver's a grown man. And if he doesn't feel he needs armed protection-","Moira: Yeah, I understand, but this is something I need.","[In the car]","Oliver: So...What do I call you?","John Diggle: Diggle's good. Dig if you want.","Oliver: You're ex-military?","Diggle: Yes, sir. 105th airborne of of Kandahar, retired. Been in the private sector a little more than 4 years now. I don't want there to be any confusion, Mr. Queen. My ability to keep you from harm will outweigh your comfort. Do we have an agreement? (No response) Sir? [The car door opens and closes][Cars honk][Diggle looks behind to find Oliver gone. He slams on the brake] Sir! [He gets out and looks behind. Oliver is gone]","[Oliver walks through the slums. He reaches his father's old factory, he throws his bags over and scales the fence. He enters the abandoned factory and brings to make lair. In a montage he trains intensively --- sharpening his skills]","Oliver (V.O.): The abduction was unexpected. It forced me to move up my plans, but what I told the police was true. The man in the green hood was there in that warehouse, and he's just beginning.","Television Anchorman: The suit alleges that Hunt committed multiple acts of fraud and theft against the city's underprivileged. Laurel Lance, an attorney for the city necessary...","Oliver (V.O.): Adam Hunt...his crimes go deeper than fraud and theft, but he's been able to bully, bribe, or kill anyone who's gotten into his way. He hasn't met me yet.","[Parking Lot]","Adam Hunt: You remind Grell I put him on the bench, I can take him off. I will turn him into a cautionary tale.","Man: Yes, Mr. Hunt.","Hunt: And this attorney Laurel Lance...you said she wasn't gonna be a problem anymore. I told you to fix that situation. [They stop walking. Hunt walks towards him] Why are you still here? [The man leaves]","[They resume walking to the car when the lights go out and ARROW appears taking out the guards and threatening Hunt's life]","Bodyguard 1: [Whoosh] Unh!","Bodyguard 2: [To Hunt] Get in the car! [He fires into the ceiling]","Arrow: Hey. You missed.","Bodyguard 2: Unh! [Whoosh] Unh! [Whoosh]","Hunt: [Whoosh. Car door glass smashes] Unh! [He pulled out of the car] What? What? Just... just tell me what you want.","Arrow: You're gonna transfer $40 million into Starling City bank account 1141 by 10 P.M. tomorrow night.","Hunt: Or what?","Arrow: Or I'm gonna take it, and you won't like how.","Hunt: If I see you again, you're dead!","[Hunt Multinational] - Hunt gives his statement to the police about his encounter with ARROW. He tells them to back at his office by 10PM to take \"The Hooded-Guy\" down.","Hunt: He was wearing a hood, a green hood, and he had a bow and arrow. [The detectives look at each other] What, you don't believe me? [He turns to pick up an object from his desk and shows them a green arrow] That maniac put two of my men in the hospital. [Detective Hilton takes the arrow]","Detective Lance: Well, thanks for your statement. We'll put out an APB on... (he looks at the arrow then back at Hunt) Robin Hood?","Hunt: Hey, pal. [He walks towards him] I'm not some grocer who got taken for his register. I go to the front of the line. Now he said he would be back here by 10 P.M. Make sure you're here first. You can coordinate with Mr. Drakon, my new head of security.","Detective Lance: All right. Well, uh, thanks for your time. [They leave]","Detective Hilton: It looks like Queen was telling the truth.","Detective Lance: Yeah. Well, there's a first time for everything. This hooded guy comes looking for trouble, he'll find it.","[Outside the Queen Mansion] Oliver is leaves to go to his party. He opens the car door to find Diggle waiting for him inside, ready to accompany him to the party.","Diggle: Put on your seat belt, sir. Wouldn't want you to miss your party. [Oliver gets in and smiles in disbelief]","[Oliver's Welcome Home Party]. Oliver arrives at the party. As he descends the stairs he brings out his phone and checks his timer: 9.07PM (53 mins left for Adam Hunt to deliver). Tommy sees him and ushers him in.","Tommy: [He signals for the music to end] Everybody, hey! Man-of-the-hour! [crowd cheers] Whoo! And, ladies, please give this man a proper homecoming.","[Music plays as Oliver approaches and climbs on center stage: ? We are the champions ? We are the champions ? Of the world?]","Oliver: Thank you very much, everybody!","Tommy: Ollie, Ollie, Ollie, Ollie. [gives him a shot]","Oliver: [to the crowd] I missed Tequila! [The crowd cheers]","[Hunt Multinational] - 9.25PM. Hunts' guards get ready and load their clips into their automatic weapons. Techno music is heard from outside.","Hunt: What the hell's going on out there?","Drakon: It's across the street. Party for the guy that got rescued off that island...Oliver Queen.","[Oliver's Welcome Home Party] - Oliver and Tommy check out girls. Diggle stands the background. Oliver sees Thea get drugs from a strange guy.","Tommy: Hey. Does he wipe for you, too? Now by my rough estimate, you have not had s*x in 1,839 days. As your wingman, I highly recommend Carmen Golden.","Oliver: Which one is she?","Tommy: The one who looks like the chick from \"Twilight.\"","Oliver: What's \"Twilight\"?","Tommy: You're so better off not knowing. (Oliver sees Thea)","Oliver: Back in a minute. (Diggle follows him. Oliver grabs Thea aside)","Thea: Ollie, hey! This party is sick.","Oliver: Who let you in here?","Thea: I believe it was somebody who said, \"Right this way, Miss Queen.\"","Oliver: Well, you shouldn't be here.","Thea: Uh, I'm not 12 anymore.","Oliver: No. You're 17.","Thea: Ollie, I-I love you, but you can't come back here and judge me, especially for being just like you.","Oliver: I know that it couldn't have been easy for you when I was-away.","Thea: Away? (she chuckles) No. You died. My brother and my father died. I went to your funerals.","Oliver: I know.","Thea: No, you don't. Mom had Walter, and I had no one. You guys all act like it's cool, let's forget about the last 5 years. Well, I can't. For me, it's kind of permanently in there, so I'm sorry if I turned out some major disappointment, but this-me, is the best I could do with what I had to work with. Let's bounce.","Girl: You have the fun dip?","Thea: Yeah.It's right-No. I... I must have dropped it.","[Oliver throws the drug in the trash. He proceeds to leave when he bumps into Laurel]","Oliver: Oh! Oh. You're here.","Laurel: Tommy. He made the point that we have too many years between us to leave things the way we left them. Is there someplace quieter that we could go?","Oliver: Yeah.","[Observatory Floor]","Laurel: I'm sorry about saying that you should have been the one who died. That was wrong.","Oliver: If I could trade places with her, I would.","Laurel: About Sarah... there's something that I've been afraid to ask, but I need to know.","Oliver: Ok.","Laurel: When she died...did she suffer?","Oliver: [Flashback] No. Sarah! [she screams and is ripped away by the ocean] [Present Day] No.","Laurel: I think about her every day.","Oliver: Me, too.","Laurel: I guess we still have one thing in common then. I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but...If you need someone to talk to about what happened to you, I'm here. [Oliver's cell phone vibrates. He checks his phone. 10.00PM - Account balance $0] Something wrong?","Oliver: I asked somebody to do something. They didn't do it. Laurel...you always saw the best in me. Right now, that's what you're doing, looking at me, and you're wondering if that island changed me somehow, if it made me a better person. It didn't. Stay away from me. Otherwise...I'm just gonna hurt you again, but this time, it'll be worse. Gotta roll. [He walks back from her] I got 5 years of debauchery to catch up on.","Laurel: [Hurt. She walks towards him angered] You know what, Oliver? You're wrong. That island did change you. At least now you're honest. [she leaves]","[Service Hallway]","Diggle: Something I can help you with, sir?","Oliver: [turns around] I just wanted a second to myself.","Diggle: I would believe you, Mr. Queen, if you weren't so full of crap. Party's this way. [Motions to the door]","Oliver: It's locked. [Diggle goes to check and Oliver puts him in a sleeper hold and immobilizes him]","[Hunt Multinational]","Drakon: You two cover the elevator. Hang back and be ready. Stay in the corners and stay alert. [Lock latches] It's past 10:00. He's never getting in here.","Detective Hilton: All's clear.","Detective Lance: Yeah.","Hunt: You missed.","Arrow: Really?","Hunt: He's here!","Detective Lance: All units, converge! All units, converge!","Arrow: Aigh!","Detective Lance: Go right, go right. On me.","Officer: Lay down your weapons, or we will open fire! I repeat, lay down your weapons.","Detective Hilton: Tell me you saw that.","Detective Lance: Ok. Let's go. Move. Cut it. Search the building roof to basement. Find him! Starling City police! The party's over, kids. [Booing] Oh, Mr. Merlyn. Imagine my shock at finding you here. Did you roofie anyone special tonight, huh?","Oliver: Detective! It's a private party.","Detective Lance: Yeah? Well, there was an incident at Adam Hunt's building tonight. You know anything about that?","Oliver: Who's Adam Hunt?","Detective Lance: He's a millionaire bottom feeder, and I'm kind of surprised you aren't friends.","Oliver: I've been out of town for...a while.","Detective Lance: Yeah. Well, he just got attacked by the guy with the hood, the guy that saved your ass the other day.","Oliver: The hood guy. You didn't find him? I'm gonna offer a reward. Hey, everybody. $2 million to anybody that can find a nut bar in a green hood. [The crowd cheers]","Detective Lance: Did you even try to save her?","Detective Hilton: Ok. Let's go, partner.","Detective Lance: Did you even try to save my daughter?","Detective Hilton: Sarah wouldn't want this.","Detective Lance: It's not-","Detective Hilton: Partner, let's go. (low voice) It's all right. Let's go.","Oliver: It's way too quiet in here! This is a party!","Tommy: Some coincidence, I mean, you asking to have your party here, and Hunt getting robbed right next door and by the same guy who rescued us at the warehouse.","Oliver: If I were you, Tommy, I'd just be glad you're alive.","Tommy: What-h-happened to you on that island?","Oliver: A lot","Hunt: What the hell are you talking about? $40 million doesn't just up and vanish! Untraceable?! It is $40 million! Find it! How did he do it?","Robert: There's not enough for all of us. Save your strength. You can survive this, make it home, make it better, right my wrongs, but you got to live through this first. You hear me, Ollie? You hear me, son?","Oliver: Just rest, dad.","Gus: No!","Oliver: Dad?!","Robert: Survive.","Oliver: No!","Laurel: If hypothetically $50,000 magically appeared in your bank account, it might be best for you not to speak about it...to anyone... Ever. God bless you, too. I just got a very grateful phone call from one of our clients against Adam Hunt.","Johanna: Me, too. Heh. It looks like Starling City has a guardian angel. By the way, your cute friend's here.","Tommy: You left the party pretty quick last night, even after I made sure the bar was stocked with Pinot Noir.","Laurel: It wasn't really my scene.","Tommy: I thought maybe you and Oliver went mano-a-mano again. I saw you two head out.","Laurel: There's nothing between Oliver and I, not anymore.","Tommy: Here I thought the only thing between you and Oliver was us.","Laurel: I wouldn't exactly characterize us as an \"us,\" Tommy.","Tommy: Then what would you call it?","Laurel: A lapse.","Tommy: That's quite a few lapses... your place, my place, my place again.","Laurel: Oh, come on, Merlyn. We both know that you're not a one-girl type of guy.","Tommy: Depends on the girl.","Laurel: I have to go back to work.","Tommy: Dinah Laurel Lance always trying to save the world.","Laurel: Hey. If I don't try and save it, who will?","Oliver (V.O.): She says the island changed me. She has no idea how much. There are many more names on the list, those who rule my city through intimidation and fear. Every last one of them will wish I had died on that island.","Moira: The police failed to identify the men I hired to kidnap Oliver, and they never will.","Should we arrange another abduction?","Moira: No. There are other ways of finding out what my son knows."],"Show Title":"Arrow","Episode Number":"01x01","Episode Title":"Pilot","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Blood_Feuds_01x05.json","Recap":["Rival railroads the Atchison, Topeka & Santa Fe Railway and the Denver & Rio Grand Railroad race to reach the narrow Royal Gorge first after Leadville, Colorado strikes silver in the 1870's."],"Transcript":["Our nation is built upon a history of battles, fought over honor, family and power. These bloody and iconic chapters, define what it truly means to be an American. These are Blood Feuds. In the 1870s, two of America's most daring and powerful railroad men wage a brutal war for Colorado's Royal Gorge and control of the west. The classic moment in every western is the old west showdown, and that's exactly what happened here. The Royal Gorge is my land.","[Gunshot]","This is cloak and dagger stuff. The stakes were so high, [Gunshot] the first line to reach these destinations. They were going to realize the king's ransom.","Narrator: William Strong is an industry titan who will use force to destroy his enemies. We'll crush you.","[Suspenseful music plays]","His rival, William Palmer, is an upstart tycoon ready to fight to the death to build an empire of his own. Over my dead body. It got bloody, it was fought in the trenches by men who were very adamant about not giving an inch on either side.","Narrator: The Royal Gorge war is the ultimate American story of power and struggle, an epic feud for nothing less than the future of modern America. This was a fight that pitted two ruthless tycoons against each other. It had gunfights, armed standoffs, and everything that makes the west wild.","[Suspenseful music climbs]","[Gunshot]","[Suspenseful music plays]","My name is William Barstow Strong. I built the mighty Santa Fe Railway.","[Whistle blows]","But I don't just build railroads. I build empires. I do it by being the smartest and meanest son of a bitch in the room.","[Suspenseful music plays]","My name is William Jackson Palmer. I built the Rio Grande Railroad. Now, I have the courage and the vision to build through the Rocky Mountains. Palmer thinks he's a match for me? He'll learn the hard way. Careful, Palmer. Unless you've got a death wish. I'll crush Palmer and everything he's built.","[Shouting]","Whoo! Well, I got a message for Strong: This is war.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Narrator: The feud which would shape modern America begins in Colorado in the late 1870s, at the peak of America's railroad expansion.","Convery: The railroad companies were scrambling with each other to fill up the interior west, to get access to all of the settlements.","Narrator: For the railroad companies, it's an all-out war to claim uncharted territory and control the vast, New Frontier market.","We start to see really fierce competition to connect all the in-between places and spider webs start to go out in every direction.","Narrator: Laying track in the wild west is no easy task. Railroad crews face harsh terrain, hostile Native American tribes, and ruthless outlaws. But some of the greatest threats come from the competition: Armed rival crews battling for turf to build the most lucrative routes. Railroad companies were really kind of like pirates. It's a free-for-all out in the open, everyone's armed, and everybody hates each other.","[Gunshot]","Narrator: In the 1870s, the biggest prize of all is in the southwest: The Colorado Rockies.","The first railroad to cross these peaks will open new routes throughout the western states. So far, these epic mountains have proved unpassable.","Convery: Surveyors had tried and failed in the 1840s. They had tried again in the 1860s. A direct, east-to-west passage between Colorado and California was simply impossible, at that time.","Narrator: Laying track through the Rockies is the key to dominating the industry and shaping the very future of America. One man is determined to achieve this goal. William Strong is the powerful, 41-year-old vice president of the Topeka & Santa Fe Railway.","Williamson: William Strong was Goliath, the big-money people from the east. He was a very hard-nosed individual. He drove a hard bargain.","Narrator: From the start, Strong was a man of towering ambition. He was the quintessential self-made man of the 19th century. He was from the east, a very smart, \"bring you up by your bootstraps\" kind of guy.","Narrator: Strong has just joined the massive Santa Fe Railway company to oversee their westward expansion. He's ruthless and he was willing to go head-to-head with anyone and outcompete them.","Narrator: Strong's number-one goal: Find that elusive route through the Colorado Rockies. We need to pick up the pace, Morley. We need to get through the Rocky Mountains. I want to get there first. To help him with this mission, Strong has brought on one of the best young surveyors in the business: 31-year-old Ray Morley.","Holland: Ray Morley is familiar with the land. He's a great surveyor. That's exactly the kind of person you need to have in the trenches there. We're held up here and here. Find me a route. Don't worry, sir. We will find a way.","Narrator: With the deep pockets of the Santa Fe Railway behind him, Strong is determined that no one will beat him over those peaks.","[SCENE_BREAK]","But Strong isn't the only railroad man with big ideas. Another tycoon is trying to build up an empire of his own, with his eyes on the same Rocky Mountain prize. His name is William Jackson Palmer, founder of the upstart Denver & Rio Grande Railroad. William Jackson Palmer, he's a dreamer and you've got to admire that.","Borneman: Palmer has really been a railroader almost since the day he was born. He cuts his teeth in the mountains of Pennsylvania. He learns how to build railroads through pretty rough country.","Narrator: Palmer's ambition starts early. In the Civil War, he served the Union as a brigadier general.","Borneman: He demonstrates himself as a leader. His men followed him all the way across the south, eventually leading up to the capture of Jefferson Davis.","Convery: He was a man with fierce determination and a man who was very capable in getting things done.","Narrator: After the war, Palmer travels the west and becomes entranced by the vast opportunities of laying rail in the frontier. He founds the fledgling Denver and Rio Grande Railroad, with successful routes in eastern Colorado. All of his work is directed towards one ambition: Be the first to lay track through the Rocky Mountains and conquer the west by rail. He's very much fixated on his dream of what the west is going to be. He writes his wife, at one point, and says, \"you know, I had a dream about our empire and this little railroad that would snake its way along the Rockies.\"","Narrator: Palmer studies every ridge and range in Colorado, convinced he can find a route.","But, there's one problem: Palmer's budding railroad needs capital to help fund his new ventures. First, he must find investors.","[Suspenseful music plays]","Sir, I present to you the opportunity of a lifetime, a way to bring the Rio Grande Railroad through the Rockies, South. Going through the Rockies is risky, Palmer, and expensive. How do we know it's worth the investment? I guarantee you I found a way. Look here.","Convery: Palmer had learned where the good routes where, where the good grades were, and he had a very thorough understanding of the geography of the Rocky Mountains.","Narrator: One of the routes he's found is called the Raton Pass. It could connect Southern Colorado to New Mexico, tapping into the commerce of the Santa Fe trail. There's a place called the Raton Pass. Now, we can blast through that and lay tracks all the way to Santa Fe. We'll be the first, and only, railroad through. Do we have a deal? It's a deal. You better not disappoint.","Narrator: Now that Palmer has enough cash to get started, there's only one thing in his way: William Strong of the Santa Fe.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The confrontation begins in early 1878. For months, Palmer has been surveying the Raton Pass, to find the best way through the treacherous terrain. He thinks he's kept this work a secret from the competition, but William Strong has his men all over the southwest, watching rival railroads. This is a competitive business, and each of these railroads have men in the field, sometimes as spies, sometimes just overhearing things, in terms of barroom gossip.","Narrator: When Strong learns that the upstart Rio Grande Railroad is surveying the Raton Pass and might've found a way through, he decides to act fast.","Holland: Santa Fe were a little bit of a bully. They were trying to monopolize the entire transcontinental railroad game.","Narrator: A meeting is arranged between the two tycoons, to negotiate. Whiskey? Let's get down to business, Strong. I know you're lookin' to lay down tracks through the Rocky Mountains, South of Denver, and you know I've already staked a route through the Raton Pass. It's mine.","Let me be clear: I've got the backing for this. You're drowning in debt. But, I have a deal I think will work for both of us. I'll build my tracks through the Raton Pass and then lease your outfit the right to run your railroad over them.","[Scoff]","Lease me the use of the land that I surveyed? Over my dead body.","[Ominous music plays]","Narrator: Strong arrogantly assumes Palmer will take the offer and concede the pass, rather than go head-to-head against the mighty Santa Fe.","But Strong doesn't realize who he's up against. Don't start a fight that you can't finish. You don't scare me, Strong.","Holland: Palmer basically gives him the middle finger and says, \"up yours. I don't want anything to do with this. This is my land. I'm taking it. Get the hell outta here.\" Palmer, the Santa Fe Railroad is a giant. You can't compete. We'll crush you.","[Suspenseful music climbs]","Narrator: The gauntlet has been thrown.","The fierce ambition of these two men is about to set them on a collision course that will stain the tracks with blood.","[Shouting]","All right!","Narrator: Colorado, 1878. Two ambitious railroad men, William Palmer and William Strong, are in a head-to-head battle for the future of the American west. In their minds, whoever gains a path through the Rocky Mountains for their railroad gets the prize. And, now, they are fighting over a piece of land that could make all the difference: The Raton Pass in New Mexico. Let's get down to business, Strong. I've already staked a route through the Raton Pass. It's mine. Palmer, the Santa Fe Railroad is a giant. You can't compete. We'll crush you. Oh, we'll see about that. I've already surveyed those areas. I know my claim is solid.","[Suspenseful music climbs]","Palmer believes his early surveys of the pass is enough of a claim to entitle him to the land. But Strong knows that, in the railroad game, there's an axiom: Possession is nine-tenths of the law. Basically, whoever got to the ground first and took control of it had the first right. So, if you put a pick in, you really essentially blocked your competitors.","Narrator: Strong and his surveyor, Morley, hatch a plan to beat Palmer by secretly laying track in the Raton Pass. But, first, they need to figure out the exact path through the Rockies. So Morley sets out to survey the land, but undercover, so not to be seen by the competition. Morley comes up with this brilliant plan to disguise himself as a Mexican sheepherder and go into the mountains, surveying. And, if Palmer and his men see him, they'll have no idea that he's working with Strong.","Narrator: Wearing this disguise, Morley stays hidden from Palmer's workers. This is cloak and dagger stuff. The stakes were so high. The first railroad line to reach these destinations, they were going to realize the king's ransom.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Narrator: When Santa Fe spies learn Palmer is planning to start construction on the tracks, Morley gathers a secret crew of workers the night before and arms then with more than just pickaxes.","Under cover of darkness, Morley leads his armed crew on the trek up to the pass. They're taking lanterns and they're taking their picks, their shovels, guns, and they travel at night.","[Suspenseful music plays]","Narrator: Meanwhile, in the early morning, Palmer's crew is also heading up to the pass, and is nearly there.","Palmer thinks his work to realize his grand vision is about to begin, but the tycoon is in for a big surprise. And, as they're going up the grade, what do they hear? They hear picks and shovels at work.","[Grunt]","Mornin', Mr. Palmer. Fine day today, isn't it? What in bloody hell you think you're doin'? Name's Morley. I'm supervisin' a crew for Mr. Strong. We're layin' track through here for the Santa Fe Railroad.","[Suspenseful music plays]","Convery: This is an outrageous moment and they realize \"we are in the fight for our lives.\"","Narrator: His rivals have outsmarted him and beaten his men to the pass.","And it really raked his coals, to see this. He was furious. Morley, we'll blast you and your men outta here, if you don't clear out right now.","[Suspenseful music climbs]","Careful, Palmer. Unless you've got a death wish. We broke ground here. We aren't leavin'. Under that theory of possession being nine-tenths of the law, the Santa Fe really has preopted the right of way through there.","Narrator: There's a choice to be made. Palmer thinks it's their right that they should be building on this. The question is are they going to start shooting? Is it going to get bloody?","Narrator: Palmer can't stand giving in to his rival, but the Santa Fe men are holding their ground and a violent fight will do little to further the Rio Grande cause. Save it for another day, men. Let's go. We got no more business here. Palmer is furious. Everything he's worked for has just been lost to a more powerful competitor.","Convery: The Santa Fe was bigger. It was richer. And, now, it had the route to Santa Fe, which had been Palmer's dream. Put your back into it.","Narrator: He vows that he will get revenge on his rival, William Strong, and he won't lose again. This railroad war is just getting started.","[SCENE_BREAK]","April 1878. It's nearly two months since the Raton Pass standoff. Palmer had spent a large portion of his investors' money on that venture, and his small company doesn't have much left.","Convery: If Palmer did not find an alternative way to make money off of this railroad, he was going to lose everything.","Narrator: Palmer could focus on some safer routes to the east, but the idea of his rival, Strong, beating him over the Rockies is unbearable, so Palmer doubles down. There's another Rocky Mountain route he has dreamed about. It would connect Denver to a mining town to the west called Leadville. To get there means laying track through Colorado's legendary Royal Gorge. It's an impossibly narrow river canyon, at some points, only 30 feet wide, with room for only one train track. Strong ain't gonna beat us again. While the Raton Pass offered access to the commerce of the Santa Fe trail, the gorge is the path to untold riches and is now Palmer's last, and only, hope. The Royal Gorge, the gateway to the west. The first railroad line to reach Leadville will control a bonanza of wealth and the other railroads that come afterwards, they're just going to have to fight over the scraps.","Narrator: The path through the Royal Gorge is so forbidding, it will take a miraculous feat of engineering. Palmer has surveyed it in the past and, driven by a fierce sense of pride and competition, believes it can be crossed. That gorge is tough terrain, sir. But it's not impossible, Deremer.","Borneman: Palmer decides that he absolutely needs to control the Royal Gorge. He's not going to be beaten again by the Santa Fe.","Narrator: This time, the Rio Grande crew is ready to play tough. Palmer's engineer, J.R. Deremer, who also served in the Civil War, is in charge of fortifications. These just came in. That oughta give Strong pause, if he ever messes with us again.","[Ominous music plays]","The Royal Gorge is ours and we're gonna take it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Narrator: As they plan their strategy for the gorge, Palmer demands all business be conducted in top secret.","He sends orders to his team in specially encrypted telegrams. What a way to do business, right? It's like a James Bond film.","Narrator: But William Strong has been in the game a long time and he knows all the tricks. He's set up a system throughout the state to intercept competitors' telegraphs and Palmer's secret codes are no match for Strong's operation. Fortunately, for Strong, they were able to crack the code of Palmer's telegraph line.","Convery: Again, it's real cloak and dagger stuff. Now Strong knows Palmer's entire game plan and that's a huge advantage in this competition.","Narrator: Strong intends to lay track in the Royal Gorge first and beat his rival, Palmer, once again, just as he had done before, in the Raton Pass.","Holland: Strong sends a telegram back to the Santa Fe company, saying, \"we don't want to get left. We can't get left.\"","Narrator: As before, Strong taps Ray Morley to do his dirty work. He instructs him to get to the Royal Gorge as fast as possible and round up a crew along the way. Morley boards the next train bound for Ca\u00f1on City, the nearest town to the gorge.","But there's one hitch: The train is operated by Palmer's Rio Grande. So Morley gets on his competitor's train and takes a seat. But the train shows no sign of leaving. Morley waits some more. When's this train going to leave?","Narrator: The delay is no accident. The Rio Grande station master, who works for Palmer, recognizes Morley boarding the train and is now holding the train in the station, to prevent Morley from getting anywhere near the Royal Gorge. Morley has now lost valuable hours. Finally, Morley determines that the Rio Grande have made him. Damn it.","[Suspenseful music plays]","Holland: He thinks fast.","He gets on a horse, gallops 35 miles through the night, and gets to Ca\u00f1on City.","Narrator: After his all-night ride, Morley arrives the next morning, exhausted. But there's no time to rest. He knows the Rio Grande men must be on their way to lay track in the gorge. He needs to get there first. Men, I represent the Santa Fe Railway. Promising huge wages, he quickly gathers a group and sets out. [Shouting] $10! But Palmer has already mobilized his own crew and they are also rushing to get to the gorge. Once again, the race is on. It's only been 6 weeks since the race to Raton Pass and these two lines are at it again.","Narrator: This time, Palmer's sure his men will be there first. But as they approach the canyon, the group comes to a dead halt.","[Suspenseful music climbs]","Once again, there's the Santa Fe, ahead of them.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Morley. Palmer. What the hell you doin' here? Royal Gorge is my land. It's ours now. You got here late. We got here first.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Suspenseful music plays]","Now, get the hell outta here, before someone gets hurt.","[Suspenseful music climbs]","Convery: And, this time, everybody has guns.","Tempers are getting short.","Narrator: There's only room for one railroad to pass through the Royal Gorge.","The question is: Who will win the fight to claim it? Who will blink and who will be ready to risk it all?","Narrator: Colorado, 1878. In the Rocky Mountains, William Palmer's Rio Grande Railroad crew stands toe-to-toe against their rivals from the Santa Fe Railway, in a battle to claim the Royal Gorge, the key to rail expansion in the west. Royal Gorge is my land. It's ours now.","[Suspenseful music plays]","In this narrow gorge, there's only room to build one set of railroad tracks. This was a winner-take-all war. There was no consolation prize for the losers.","[Train whistle blows]","Both crews have their trigger fingers ready. Palmer is enraged that, once again, his rivals have beaten him to the pass. You bastards won't get away with this. Incredibly, Palmer appears to back down, once again. All right. We're goin'.","But I promise you: This ain't over.","Narrator: As they walk away, Palmer's men are stunned by his apparent retreat. But it turns out their boss has a plan.","[Crickets chirp]","I'll be damned if we're leavin'. Not this time. Deremer, you remember that place we surveyed the gorge, up the river? Yeah, boss. I want you and McMurter to take a team of our men, go 20 miles into the gorge, and start layin' track. Now, the Santa Fe crew may be able to build track into the gorge, but they won't be able to lay track out. Palmer's a consummate general. And, once he realizes that he's been outmarched, once again, by the Santa Fe, his plan his to flank them. His strategy was to build higher up on the line and essentially stop and hold the Santa Fe inside the canyon. We're gonna block the exit. Take some guns. You hold that line. You understand what I'm sayin'? All right. Get to it.","[Suspenseful music plays]","Narrator: While Morley and his men go back to work, Palmer's crew sneaks around them and heads farther upstream.","Holland: The Santa Fe guys don't even see this.","They thought they had left and this allows them to leapfrog over the Santa Fe guys and give them some ground up the gorge. So they're at one end of the gorge and the Santa Fe is at the other end.","Narrator: Before long, Morley is told a shocking update: Palmer's crew has already started grading several miles upriver in the gorge, thereby blocking the Santa Fe's passage through. When William Strong hears of this, he's livid. He thought he had already taught Palmer a lesson. But now, with both crews entrenched in the gorge building track, blocking the other's progress, it's a stalemate. Days turn to weeks, and neither side will back down.","Convery: Now, it's these two generals, Strong and Palmer, trying to get their troops in position to have the geographic advantage.","Narrator: As tensions and the threat of violence continue to rise in the gorge, both companies prepare for a court battle to determine who has the better legal claim. Palmer believes he does, based on his early surveys of the area, but a court battle will take months and a long stalemate gives the advantage to Strong. Strong and the Santa Fe had very deep pockets and so it wasn't a big deal for them to hire the lawyers to fight the claim in the courts. Strong ultimately believed that the economic clout of the Santa Fe would overpower the smaller, upstart Rio Grande.","[Suspenseful music plays]","Narrator: Palmer refuses to back down, but with every passing day, he's spending more and more money on supplies and men building track in the gorge.","The Rio Grande stockholders let him know this turf war can't go on much longer.","Convery: It's hurting their stock value. The directors are getting nervous. They're putting pressure on Palmer to find a solution, no matter what.","Narrator: Meanwhile, in the gorge, tension reaches a boiling point, as a revolving door of hired armed thugs guard one crew or the other and sabotage is the order of the day. Come on. It's those Santa Fe sons of bitches! They've arrived. Yeah. What are we gonna do? That would be a shame, if something happened to them. Like an avalanche.","Narrator: The Rio Grande crew comes up with creative ways to up the campaign of intimidation and confrontation. They were tipping rocks down off the cliffs and smashing equipment, throwing it in the river. Yeah! Whoohoo! One of the accounts was dynamite was used to bring rocks down on the other crew.","Holland: Luckily, none of the Santa Fe guys get killed, but it definitely wrecks a lot of their equipment and slows them down.","Narrator: The situation grows more and more explosive. Then, Palmer's men up the ante even more. Deremer creates an arbitrary line in the gorge and he tells his men to send a message to the enemy. If the Santa Fe crew crosses this so-called deadline, the consequences will be fatal.","Holland: That's the point of no return. That is drawing the line in the sand and saying, \"this is ours.\" They're going to die, if they go across.","Narrator: Up to this point, the Royal Gorge war has been fought with intimidation, spies, and sabotage, but, with a line drawn in the sand, it looks certain blood will be shed. Come on, boys.","Narrator: In the fall of 1878, two rival railroads are locked in a battle for control over Colorado's Royal Gorge. The winner secures an east-west route for their railroad and the control of the future of American Western expansion. Two lines, one route. Only one of those two railroads is going to make it through the canyon.","Narrator: The Rio Grande company has just drawn a line in the sand for how far into the gorge the Santa Fe can lay track before guns start blazing. For now, the Santa Fe crew refrains from crossing this so-called deadline, to avoid a bloodbath. Instead, their leader, William Strong, continues his strategy of delaying and outspending his smaller rival. And it works. Palmer's railroad is in dire straits and his great dream of an empire is in tatters.","Convery: Palmer runs out of money. He just can't continue his war against the Santa Fe. There's a letter for you, sir.","Narrator: In October, Palmer receives devastating news from his board of directors.","[Suspenseful music climbs]","Those weak sons of bitches! What is it, sir? Our stockholders.","Narrator: In a bid to keep from going broke, the stockholders decide to lease the tracks Palmer has already laid to the Santa Fe line, and Strong. They're leasing the Rio Grande to Strong. Our rails, our depots, everything, everything we've ever built! It's a gut blow. All that Palmer has worked for will now be in the hands of his competitors and his Nemesis, William Strong. What?! Palmer is aghast with this. Lease his railroad, his own flesh and blood, to a competitor? Those weak sons of bitches! How can they do that? We're broke. They don't have the guts and they don't have the vision.","Narrator: Palmer knows his stockholders' decision is based on money, but, now, he's fighting for pride. But I'm not done yet. I will never be ready to give it all over to Strong.","[Suspenseful music climbs]","For William Strong, this victory is as sweet as it gets. He can now control the Colorado railways that took Palmer years to build. And the Santa Fe soon takes over the Rio Grande stations, depots, and roundhouses all over the state. For Palmer, the humiliation is unbearable. He has to sit, for a period of about 6 months, and watch as this big competitor, the Santa Fe, not only holds the Royal Gorge hostage, but also basically operates the Rio Grande as its own. It seems like a defeat for Palmer.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Narrator: But, in the west, fortunes can turn on a dime.","Just when it seems Palmer can't hang on any longer, he gets the break he's been waiting for. The supreme court rules in his favor in the Royal Gorge case.","Convery: Because of their earlier work, because of their surveys, the Rio Grande had the right to build a line through the Royal Gorge.","Narrator: Strong will have to concede the gorge to Palmer. But there's an even bigger blow to come. In another stunning ruling, a court also orders Strong to return control of the Rio Grande Railroad and all of its stations, and roundhouses, to Palmer. Instantly, the tables have turned.","Convery: When the courts finally decide in favor of the Denver Rio Grande, the Santa Fe is ordered to give its depot and its equipment over to the Rio Grande.","Narrator: Strong is enraged. For months, he's been in charge of the rails in Colorado. Whatever the courts say, he decides he will not concede this battle to his foe, Palmer. Strong wasn't going to give up that easily.","Narrator: He files an appeal and, as he waits, orders all of his men to stay put in the former Rio Grande depots. If Palmer is to get them back, he'll have to fight for them. Colorado's a long way away from the United States supreme court and, if you have armed men on the ground, that seems to go a lot farther than a court order.","[Suspenseful music plays]","Narrator: Palmer, now with the law behind him, is ready to use force, if he must.","Palmer takes the field with a group of workers to try to take over various stations, and he's pretty successful at that. His train depots start falling like dominoes. A lot of the Santa Fe guys retreat. They leave.","Narrator: Furious, Strong escalates the fight and hires an armed posse to go to battle against Palmer's men.","Bell: Strong put together this incredible dream team of gunfighters to work for the Santa Fe.","Narrator: Among them is the legendary lawman and gunslinger Bat Masterson. Bat Masterson had such a reputation at this time, he was known as one of \"The Guns.\"","Borneman: The Santa Fe looked to Bat Masterson to come to Colorado and put a little muscle behind the Santa Fe's efforts.","Narrator: William Palmer isn't intimidated. The former general hires an even bigger army. Palmer, not to be outdone, he went out and got 200 guys, so, if he didn't have the star power and the names, he certainly had the numbers.","[Suspenseful music climbs]","Narrator: No longer a fight for just the Royal Gorge, the blood feud between Palmer and Strong now spills over to the depots, tracks, and roundhouses of Colorado.","[Suspenseful music plays]","On June 11, 1879, a handful of Palmer's armed men are traveling South from Denver, with court orders in hand to take back more Rio Grande depots. Meanwhile, rumor spreads that, near the town of La Veta, a few Santa Fe workers stubbornly hold down the local train depot.","Williamson: So the story goes Palmer's guys find two of the Santa Fe guys...","[gunshots]","And they just mow 'em down, kill them right on the spot.","[Gunshot]","[Gunshot] [Suspenseful music climbs]","Narrator: The alarms sound on the Santa Fe side.","Strong decides to consolidate his forces in the Santa Fe's most strategically vital holding that they still have: A train station in Pueblo, Colorado. He sends Bat Masterson and the gunslingers to organize a defense there. After losing substantial ground to the Rio Grande Railroad, this will be their last stand.","Borneman: So what happens is that Bat and his crowd are ensconced in the Pueblo roundhouse. There's a rumor that they borrowed the Cannon from the local armory and were determined that, no matter what the courts said, they weren't going to give up possession of it. Pueblo is the last stronghold for the Santa Fe.","Narrator: At 3:00 pm on June 11, 1879, a posse of Palmer's armed men arrives in Pueblo.","They have one mission: Take back the Rio Grande property. They know that Masterson and the gunslingers are holding the roundhouse, so they start their attack on the telegraph office, guarded by several armed Santa Fe men. All right! Come out with your hands up, or we're comin' in! Get in there! Whoo-oo-oo! This moment will decide what will be written in the history books. Who will claim ownership for America's future in the west?","[Gunshots]","Narrator: Colorado, 1879.","In the town of Pueblo, armed men from the Rio Grande Railroad are about to storm a telegraph office held by their rivals from the Santa Fe. All right! Come out with your hands up, or we're comin' in! Too many of them! Inside, the men from the Santa Fe refuse to back down. We got orders to hold this office, no matter what, and we're not giving it up to the Rio Grande! All right! They had their chance! On three! One, two, three! Get in there! Whoo-oo-oo!","Williamson: They knock the door down. The people that are in the telegraph office hightail it out the back. They all get away. Except one poor individual.","[Shouting]","[Two gunshots]","He takes a bullet in the back.","Holland: And it gets ugly. This guy getting shot takes everything to a whole new level. Everyone realizes this is gonna be serious bloodshed.","[Suspenseful music plays]","Narrator: The showdown in Pueblo isn't over.","As night falls, hired gun Bat Masterson and his men still hold the Pueblo roundhouse for the Santa Fe. It's the final stronghold of William Strong's resistance. The Rio Grande posse enlists help from the law for their final attack.","Borneman: The Rio Grande crew went to the local sheriff and said, \"look, the court's saying we have the right to take our possessions back.\"","Williamson: The sheriff gets some deputies, gives them firearms. \"We're going to force these people to surrender.\"","Bell: The classic moment in every western is the old west showdown, and that's exactly what happened here.","[Shouting]","[Suspenseful music climbs]","Bat Masterson! Come on out! This is the law! You need to surrender! I'm holdin' this property under the law, for the Santa Fe Railway. I am the law, Masterson. This is the property of the Rio Grande Railroad! You need to come out, now, or we're comin' in, guns a-blazin'.","Narrator: Just when bloodshed seems imminent, the Rio Grande's leader, William Palmer, reportedly arrives on the scene. Sheriff, maybe I can help out. From the start, this feud was about money. Give 'em this. A little incentive. A power struggle between Strong and Palmer, two men locked in a battle for an empire. Masterson. So it's only fitting that money wins out, in the end.","[Suspenseful music plays]","Maybe there's a way that, uh, we can settle this without bloodshed.","Bell: And, allegedly, rumor says that they offered Masterson a $10,000 reward to give up.","Narrator: The hired guns have no problem shifting loyalty to a bigger paycheck. All right, gentleman, lower your weapons. Anyone who doesn't is gonna get shot. By me.","Narrator: And so, the battle in Pueblo is over and, with it, the stage is set to end the war.","Convery: Ultimately, after all of the gunplay and all of the court battles, the directors of the Santa Fe and the Rio Grande both say, \"enough! We need to make the peace.\"","Narrator: The east coast investors broker an epic deal that will restore profitability across the board. It's called the Treaty of Boston.","Convery: Through the Boston Treaty, the Santa Fe received access to Santa Fe and New Mexico and, ultimately, California. And the Denver and Rio Grande's territory was defined as Colorado and Utah.","Narrator: Palmer will buy out the Santa Fe track in the Royal Gorge, and thus realize his dream of running a line through the gorge from Denver to Leadville. Eventually, the Rio Grande becomes a successful regional line throughout Colorado and Utah. By the time Palmer resigns as president, in 1883, he's a multimillionaire.","Borneman: Ultimately, Palmer has really become a philanthropist and a very loyal person to all of the men who worked for him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Narrator: But Strong, after conceding the gorge, builds something even bigger.","His rail line through the Raton Pass ultimately connects Santa Fe to California and the Pacific coast. It becomes one of the most revered railroads in the country. The Santa Fe became the famous tourist railroad line, the line that Americans flock to, in order to see the romantic southwest.","Holland: Strong becomes a very successful man. He lives to 77 years of age and leaves a legacy of all the rail line that he basically brought across the whole Western United States.","[Whistle blows]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Narrator: Today, the epic feud between William Strong and William Palmer remains the stuff of legend and these two men will be forever enshrined in history, as both bold visionaries and epic brawlers.","It really comes down to David and Goliath. It's the big guy versus the little guy and these two guys were the epitome of the American west.","Borneman: The whole development of the American southwest owes a lot to the railroads. Put your back into it. People of any generation have their heroes, the men and women who get things done. Strong, for the Santa Fe; And Palmer, for the Rio Grande; really showed what can be done if you have a vision and you have a dream."],"Show Title":"Blood Feuds","Episode Number":"01x05","Episode Title":"The Royal Gorge War","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Bones_01x03.json","Recap":["When the decaying corpse of the Venezuelan Ambassador's son is found hanging from a tree on the campus of an exclusive private school, Dr. Temperance Brennan and Agent Seeley Booth are called in to investigate. The cause of death seems to be suicide, but both Brennan and Booth suspect there may be an alternative cause of death. As Brennan partners with Booth on the case, Booth isn't entirely comfortable with the rest of Brennan's team's out-of-the-lab mingling with him. As Brennan and her team at the Jeffersonian Institute dig deeper into the possibilities of how the Ambassador's son died, Booth and Brennan uncover the killer as well as a web of sex, lies and scandal involving the school's staff, students and parents."],"Transcript":["\"A Boy in the Tree\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Open to Medico Legal Lab at the Jeffersonian. Couple of quick shots of various people doing their jobs etc.. Cut to Booth and Brennan are sitting in Booth's SUV]","Booth: Bones, Where's the kid?","[Cut to Lab, Zach is talking with a girl and Angela and Hodgins are watching from afar]","Angela: Who's that with Zach?","Hodgins: Naomi, from Paleontology. Naomi and Zach slept together about a month ago. Since then she hasn't returned a single call.","Angela: Ooooohhhhh.","Hodgins: You working on anything interesting?","Angela: Me? Yeah, yeah, A three dimensional model of an Etruscan burial crypt.","Hodgins: Mmmm Hmmm.","Angela: You?","Hodgins: Yeah. Oh God, Yeah. Very exciting, very exciting. Some uh...silt profiles.","Angela: Mmmm Hmmm. God! Etruscan burial crypts are so boring!","Hodgins: Oh man I know. Silt profiles. You know what we need?","Angela: A murder investigation. Brennan and Booth are out front right now waiting for Zach.","Hodgins: What there's a case? Why didn't you say so? [To Zach] Zach! You gotta go.","Angela: Oh, she really bolted, doesn't look good for Zach.","[Angela and Hodgins meet up with Zach.]","Hodgins: C'mon Zach. Shake it off. Huh? Be a man.","Angela: Are you okay honey?","Zach: [Picking up his equipment] She said take a hint but when I asked 'what hint?' Naomi said if she told me what hint that it wouldn't be a hint anymore it would be a statement.","Hodgins: [Walking Zach to the door] You know what's good? Throwing yourself into your work, Huh?","Angela: [Walking with Zach and Hodgins] You really do hate slime profiles. Have a little compassion!","Zach: I understood the individual words but I do not comprehend her meaning.","Angela: Did you tell Naomi that?","Zach: Yes. She said ask your friends, if I have any.","Angela: [Putting a hand to Zach's back, guides him out the door] You know Hodgins is right. Let's not keep Booth waiting. Somebody is decomposing as we speak.","Hodgins: Get out there and bring us home a case, buddy.","[Cut to Booths' SUV]","Booth: We got a dead body at a prep school out in the sticks.","Brennan: Good morning to you too.","Zach: [Leaning forward toward Booth] Successful with woman, right? I mean they like you?","Booth: Okay, look, it's a very prestigious prep school with a lot of rich kids.","Brennan: I thought that it was good to start with 'Good Morning'.","Zach: [To Booth] If a woman said, to you, take a hint, what would that mean?","Booth: Could we just concentrate on the job? [Zach leans back into his seat.] Thank you. Now, I know the sheriff out there. She's mostly okay but the school got a lot of pull with the county and she's probably trying to scrape the whole case off on us. Look, what I'm trying to say is... it's not just a crime scene but it's a political situation, so when we get out there you follow my lead and you pay attention.","Zach: [To Booth] You call after every sexual encounter, Right? Because that's the good thing to do.","Booth: Look, this is a work mode. This is a work zone. Do not talk s*x at work.","Brennan: First, you tell me I'm too task oriented. Then when I say 'Good Morning', you say that I should concentrate on the job.","Booth: All right, look, we've got about a forty-five minute drive. What do you say we pass it in quiet meditation.","[Cut to Booth pulling up to the school]","Zach: Can I talk now?","Booth: No.","Brennan: That's not fair. [To Zach] Okay, we're here now.","Booth: My car, my rules. Period.","Booth: [Flashing his badge at security] FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth and a forensic anthropologist.","Brennan: [Leaning forward] Dr. Temperance Brennan from the Jeffersonian institute.","Zach: [Leaning forward between the seats] Plus one crack assistant.","Guard: I'll need to see some ID, please.","[Brennan and Zach hand their ID's to the security guard]","Zach: This doesn't remind me of where I went to school.","Booth: Yeah, you don't get much farther from the real world that's for sure. The kids that go to school here is actually classified information.","Guard: [Returning Brennan and Zach's Ids] Agent Booth, Dr. Brennan, I'll lead you to Mr. Sanders our head of security.","Booth: If you could just aim us in the right direction we'll find it.","Guard: All outsiders are to be escorted, Sir.","Booth: Huh?. [Booth notices a white stone sign and reads it out loud] Omnia Mea Mecum Porto. What's that mean? Huh? Regular people stay out.","Brennan : [At the same time as Zach] I carry with me all my things.","Zach: [At the same time as Brennan] I carry with me all my things.","[Booth looks at them strange and they just stare at him. He starts up the SUV and drives up to the crime scene. They all get out of the SUV and a woman Sheriff approaches them. She is followed by two men, the headmaster and security for Hanover.]","Karen: Hey Seeley. How's it going?","Booth: Karen, congratulations on being elected full sheriff. Very impressive.","Sanders: Agent Booth, I'm Leo Sanders, Head of security at Hanover Prep. This is Headmaster Peter Ronson.","Brennan: Where are the human remains?","Booth: Dr. Temperance Brennan and her assistant Jack, uh, something.","Zach: Zach Addy.","Brennan: [To Karen] Could you show me to the remains?","[Brennan and Karen walk towards a park-like area]","Sanders: [To Booth] Even though the school was mostly empty during the two week break it's impossible anyone...","Karen: [To Brennan] I don't know if you remember me but we worked together on a case? Bunch of bones found in a culvert about a year ago?","Brennan: I remember the bones in the culvert.","Booth: [Whispering to Brennan] You know Bones, being nice to the locals by remembering their names and such wouldn't hurt.","Headmaster: Our two week term break ends tomorrow; I'd like to get this tidied up so the students never know what happened.","Brennan: Well, we don't know what happened yet that's why I'm here. Did anyone touch the body?","Karen: I doubt it. It's pretty grisly.","Sanders: Nothing on small talk is she?","Booth: Dr. Brennan is very focused.","Brennan: [Coming to the crime scene] Where are the remains?","Booth: [Pointing up in a tree to a body hanging from a noose] Bones. Is that a student?","Sanders: Ah, it's a secure campus. It's got to be a student, staff, or faculty.","Brennan: [To Zach] Video first. I don't want your flash disturbing the crows.","Sanders: Yeah that would be a shame. Disturb the human flesh eating birds.","Booth: You want to increase the perimeter here? [To the Headmaster and Sanders] Gentleman, give my forensic anthropologist some room.","Brennan: [To Booth] Your forensic anthropologist?","Karen: Agent Booth, if you decide that this becomes a suicide it becomes my problem, correct?","Brennan: Actually the person who decides if this is a suicide is me.","Karen: Let's give the bone lady some room.","Booth: Ah, You know I'm glad we had that little chat about being nice to the locals.","Brennan: I don't like Sheriffs. They are elected into office which means their goal is being re-elected not finding the truth.","Zach: I got video, Dr. Brennan.","Brennan: Go to stills.","Headmaster: [Walking up behind Booth] Can we just get him down from there?","Brennan: There's a lot of work to do before we get to that.","Booth: You want to step back please sir?","Headmaster: I'm a headmaster here.","Booth: [Getting pissed] And this is a crime scene. Step back.","[Brennan looks up in the tree at the body. It's badly decomposed. Birds are still pecking on the face and skull. Zach is snapping pictures and a bird flies off scared. The head falls towards the ground. Brennan catches it.]","Brennan: We're going to need an evidence bag.","Booth: Heads up.","Brennan: [As the rest of the body falls] We're going to need a bigger bag.","[Cut to Int. Cut to Lab]","Brennan: I make this a male approximately five foot six, 130lbs, from the looks of his sternum and skull, I would say mid-adolescence, say fourteen to seventeen... High cheek bones... You think maybe Asian?","Angela: I'm getting more of a Hispanic vibe.","Hodgins: There is a significant Crematogaster ant colony in the tree that fed on the body as well as Tabanid maggots. I will give you a time of death estimate when I figure who ate what when.","Brennan: [To Hodgins] Check for insect pupa and larva see what kind of medications and or drugs might have been in his system.","Zach: [Holding a necklace] He was wearing this.","Angela: Catholic boy.","Brennan: One by two forceps.","Angela: [As Brennan pulls a small disc out from behind the victim's ear] What is that?","Brennan: Cochlear Implant. Looks like the birds were trying to get it.","Angela: That would set a boy apart from the others, being deaf.","Brennan: [To Zach] Get a serial number.","Angela: I'll get X-Rays and 3D imaging of the entire skeleton.","Zach: I didn't talk to anybody in high school. I didn't kill myself.","Hodgins: That wasn't a high school. It was an experimental Eugenics program.","[Cut to Hanover Prep]","Booth: How hard can it be to find out which one of your students is missing?","Sanders: We can't just call parents and say we found a rotting body. Do you know where your child is?","Headmaster: We can do a full role call tomorrow.","Sanders: All of our higher-risk students are accounted for.","Booth: High risk?","Sanders: The ones with personal body guards.","Headmaster: [To Booth as they enter the Headmaster's office] What are our options? Vis-a-vis, publicity, media?","Booth: Not my concern.","Sanders: There are student here we really don't want the whole world to know about.","Headmaster: It's obviously a suicide it's not as though we are asking you to forgo the glory of catching a murderer.","Booth: [Phone ringing] Excuse me. I'm sorry. Booth.","Brennan: [To Booth] We'll have the identity of the boy in the tree within the hour.","Booth: That was fast?","Brennan: Do you know what a Cochlear Implant is?","Booth: Hearing Aid?","Brennan: Not, not exactly. It's a much more sophisticated piece of equipment which is surgically fit...","Booth: Can you identify him through the serial number?","Brennan: That's correct, but the interesting thing is that...","Booth: Ah, You can fill me in later.","Brennan: No, but the interesting thing is that it's...","Booth: That is correct.","Brennan: What?","Booth: That is interesting.","Brennan: Are you drunk or something?","Booth: Ah, we'll catch up later and uh, thanks for calling.","Brennan: Wait, I'm not completely certain the boys' death was a suicide.","Booth: Ah, you know, We'll grab some Chinese food and you can fill me in later on all the boring details. [To the Headmaster] Sorry.","Sanders: A death is very upsetting to a community as tight as ours.","Booth: Famous for keeping your students safe but you can't be held responsible if a troubled student kills himself.","Sanders: We all agree that suicide is the only feasible conclusion.","Headmaster: We understand each other?","Booth: We sure as hell do. I'll need a complete enrollment list including teacher, staff, students.","Sanders: That's extremely confidential information.","Booth: [Chuckling] You know, luckily I'm good at keeping secrets.","[Cut to the Lab Booth: What do you mean it's not a suicide? [An alarm starts beeping wildly as Booth steps on the platform] What the hell is that?","Brennan: We can't just let anyone step into the forensics area and contaminate all the boring details.","Booth: [Zach swipes his card, then moves Booth out of the way] The boring details? [To Zach] Do not push me kid. [To Brennan] The boring details was my signal for you to stop talking, okay? I want my own card.","Brennan: Well, I want my own gun.","Booth: Last time you had a gun you shot someone.","Zach: He was a bad guy.","Booth: Okay, look, who's our victim?","Brennan: All the boring details?","Booth: Let it go Bones, move on.","Brennan: Don't call me Bones!","Zach: We traced the Cochlear Implant to Dr. Maurice Ledbetter at Cedars Sinai who placed it in a boy named, Nestor Olivos.","Booth: [Looking at the file] Nestor Olivos, Student visa...son of a Venezuelan ambassador...Oh, What else?","Brennan: You want all the boring details?","Booth: [Looking at an X-Ray] Let it go Bones....","Brennan: [Snatching the X-Ray out of his hands] Don't call me Bones! The boy's hyoid bone is broken.","Booth: Strangulation death, the hyoid bone is always broken.","Zach: In adult. This is a boy.","Brennan: [Indicating a simulation on the computer screen] His hyoid is flexible, unbreakable.","Booth: Well maybe the kid's got some kind of Venezuelan brittle bone syndrome. [Zach and Brennan look at him irritated] I'm just trying to help. So you're saying he was murdered?","Brennan: No, I'm saying I don't know what happened to the boy because I don't have all the facts.","[Booths phone rings and it's a page from Santana.]","[Cut to the Bureau]","Santana: How hard can it be? A kid hanging from a tree obviously, it's a suicide.","Booth: Sir, Has Hanover Prep been stirring the pudding on this?","Santana: Of course they are stirring the pudding. Every mover and shaker in this town is connected to that damn school. Apparently the very future of this country is at stake.","Booth: Well, I would like to declare it a murder just to shake those little bast...","Brennan: I'm not gonna declare it a murder so you can shake things up.","Santana: [sighs]","Dr. Goodman: The evidence is ambiguous at best.","Santana: Well unambiguize it. Please Dr. Goodman. [To Brennan] Look, you're very experienced within your field with bones and such, right? Doesn't your gut say suicide?","Brennan: I don't actually use my gut for that, Sir.","Booth: She really, really doesn't Dr. Goodman: Like all of us at the Jeffersonian, Dr. Brennan prefers science to the digestive track.","Santana: [To Booth] What about your gut?","Booth: My gut says it stinks.","Dr. Goodman: [To Brennan] If he smells with his gut what does he use his nose for?","Brennan: [laughs]","Santana: Alright, Alright, alright. In order for an investigation to occur, You, Dr. Brennan have to declare it a murder.","Dr. Goodman: Without an investigation we can't find out if it's a murder but there will be no investigation unless Dr. Brennan declares it to be a murder. Shall I send for a philosopher?","Brennan: They're saying it's my call.","Santana: [To Booth] You see it's how you talk to these people.","Brennan: My official finding is that Nestor Olivos...is a victim of a homicide.","[Cut to Booths SUV]","Booth: Thank you.","Brennan: For what?","Booth: For going with my instincts in there.","Brennan: I did not back up your instincts. I bought time to find the facts I need to tell me what happened to Nestor Olivos. What's with you and the private school?","Booth: I thought we understood each other.","Brennan: Oh that it's bad?","Booth: I don't...I don't like people who think they're better then other people.","Brennan: Some people are better then other people.","Booth: Ughh, you know what you said right there that is so Un-American. All men are created equal either you believe that or you don't.","Brennan: Some people are smarter then others there's no use being offended by the fact. What are we going to tell Nestor's parents?","Booth: We tell them that their son was found dead. We're looking into it. Sorry for your loss and we are.","Brennan: What?","Booth: Sorry for their loss. It's sad. Try to remember that.","Brennan: Uh, I'm not a sociopath.","Booth: You're bad with people, okay. No use being offended by the fact.","[Cut to Venezuelan Embassy]","Ambassador: Hanging from a tree at the school?","Booth: I'm afraid so Ambassador Olivos. We will provide you will full details when Dr. Brennan finishes her investigation.","Father: Will you need us to identify Nestor's remains?","Brennan: That won't be necessary.","[Brennan takes out the silver necklace they found on her son's body and hands it to the Ambassador.]","Booth: When was the last time you heard from Nestor?","Father: A few days after his holiday began. He went with a friend to Nova Scotia.","Ambassador: We received an email.","Booth: Could we have a copy?","Brennan: It will help us determine exactly when the victim died. [Booth hits her lightly] Your son. We're very sorry for your loss.","Father: There was nothing to suggest in any email that Nestor was unhappy. Certainly not enough to...","Mother: We would like to take him home. [To her husband] We must petition the church to bury him in consecrated ground.","Father: [To his wife] Nestor was an altar boy. They will bury him properly. [To Booth] When will you release him to us?","Booth: It's up to Dr. Brennan.","[Cut to the Lab]","Zach: What did Naomi mean when she said take a hint?","Hodgins: Ooooo...","Zach: What did I do wrong?","Hodgins: It's not what you did wrong. It's what you didn't do.","Zach: Where do you learn this stuff?","Hodgins: There are some things you learn by doing... riding a bike, driving a car, pleasing a woman.","Zach: I can't ride a bike or drive a car.","Hodgins: Or apparently please a woman.","Zach: I need specific instructions, a list of techniques to implement or a sequence of moves.","Hodgins: I'm not really the guy to talk to about that.","Zach: Why not? You've slept with like, ten thousand women.","Hodgins: Because our relationship is all about what's up here. What you need to do is talk to someone more earthy.","[Cut to Booth's office]","Psychiatrist: As a school psychiatrist, I'm bound by patient confidentiality. In the absence of a warrant or permission from his parents, I can't divulge the specifics of my meetings with Nestor Olivos. I can tell you that he was at extreme risk of suicide.","Brennan: There are no indications that Nestor was taking antidepressants.","Psychiatrist: I can only make recommendations to the parents.","Booth: You think this boy was depressed enough to hang himself from a tree?","Psychiatrist: He was alienated by culture by language by his handicap by his own social awkwardness, yes.","Headmaster: Thank you for coming down Dr. Petty, as we suspected, suicide. A depressed and lonely boy hangs himself over the holiday.","Booth: So, now how does the son of an Ambassador go missing for two weeks and nobody notices?","Sanders: As far as the school was concerned Nestor was vacationing with his roommate. [Pulling out a paper and placing it on Booths' desk.] The school requested and received a waiver from Ambassador Olivos.","Brennan: I was in Venezuela last year. It's very unstable, politically.","Sanders: It's true, the family received threats. We were cognizant of that, but you aren't seriously suggesting that some kind of Venezuelan hit squad assassinated a student at Hanover Prep?","Headmaster: Like the Doctor said, it's a simple case of a depressed boy ending his life, not a Tom Clancy novel.","Booth: Yeah, well we will start with Nestor's roommate tomorrow morning.","Sanders: It's your investigation.","[Cut to Wong Foos]","Sid: [To Booth] Hey, I'll say this...she's tall.","Booth: Dr. Temperance Brennan, meet Sid, the owner.","Sid: Hey, the bone lady.","Brennan: The sign says Wong Foos.","Sid: Family name changed at Ellis Island. I'll get your meal.","Brennan: But we didn't order.","Booth: No, Sid knows what most people want better then they do.","Zach: [Walking in with Angela and Hodgins. All take a seat at the booth] Nestor's bones are completely normal. Not brittle in any way.","Booth: [To the Squints] You know this is kinda my little getaway place. You know?","Angela: [Ignoring Booth] It proves the rope left in the branch where Nestor was hanging are too deep for his weight.","Booth: Please everyone. You know come on just sit down.","Hodgins: Eggs, larva, waste all indicate that the insects which fed on the body are all indigenous to the tree in which he was found. It means he died there approximately ten to fourteen days ago. [Yells to Sid] I'll have the seven organ soup.","Brennan: You don't order they guy just brings it.","Zach: He didn't void. Usually somebody hangs themselves the flood gates open, bodily fluids everywhere.","Hodgins: There was plenty of the affluent in his clothes but they are all post decomposition. As the body swells, it bursts from internal gases. How does the guy know what you want?","Brennan: The guy has a knack.","Booth: The guy's name is Sid.","Zach: The birds ate his eyes, ears. They worked their way into the skull.","Hodgins: Birds pecking at the soft tissue of the throat, Could that crack the hyoid?","Brennan: No, it's a stress fracture caused by the rope against his throat not post mortem.","Angela: You put a high sensitive adolescent in a high-pressure prep school add social alienation cultural differences pressure from high achieving parents...could be suicide.","Booth: It's not a suicide.","Brennan: Because Booth thinks that prep schools turn out entitled criminals.","Hodgins: We all went to private schools and none of us are criminals.","Zach: In fact we fight criminals. We're crime fighters.","Booth: No you're not. You're...I'm just saying it's not a suicide.","Angela: I'm a big believer in instinct.","Booth: Finally, A squint with an open mind.","Angela: You have no idea of how open minded I can be.","Sid: What's with these pictures? This is a restaurant. People come here to eat. What's the matter with you people? [Gathering up the pictures] Booth, what the hell did you bring into my place?","Booth: I had nothing to do with it.","Brennan: This is exactly what I want. This is amazing. The guy definitely has a knack.","Hodgins: Ooh, so you do take orders?","Sid: Of course we do but it's always better when you leave it to me. Booth?","Booth: Okay, I will take care of it. You're saying that the boy died like ten to fourteen days ago?","Hodgins: Hey bugs buzz but they do not lie.","Brennan: Hodgins is very good at using insects to ascertain a time of death.","Booth: How do you explain an email that was sent 7 days ago from Nova Scotia? Hmm? See, look at that. It stinks. Go ahead, smell it. You know you wanna smell it. It stinks.","Angela: [To Hodgins] Don't... Don't smell that.","Hodgins: No, no you got to taste it.","Angela: I can smell it from here.","Hodgins: Angela, it's so good. Mmmm.","Angela: That's really gross.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Cut to Interrogation Room]","Booth: You and Nestor were roommates for three months, correct?","Tucker: Yes sir.","Booth: And you invited him to spend the vacation with you?","Mom: Uh, we have a summer home on Cape Breton, plenty of room.","Tucker: Nestor decided to go home back to Venezuela.","Booth: What did the other kids say about Nestor?","Tucker: Nestor was different. He used to be deaf so he kinda talked like...some kids called him retard.","Mom: Tucker, please don't say retard.","Tucker: I never called him that! He went to church every Sunday, even though nobody made him go and people thought that was weird.","Booth: Did Nestor have a girlfriend?","Tucker: He said there was a girl he liked, but he never told me who.","Booth: You know Tucker; you're lying to a Federal Agent.","DA: Careful Agent Booth.","Booth: [Ignoring the DA] An email was sent to Nestor's parents from Nova Scotia saying what a great time he was having. The only thing is that Nestor was already dead.","Mom: Was it you Tucker?","DA: I prefer he didn't answer.","Father: No Dawn, if it was Tucker he has to admit it.","Tucker: You know the dodge.","Booth: You backed him up so he could be with a girl.","Mom: Tucker!","Tucker: I know! I'm sorry, but he begged me!","Booth: What girl?","Tucker: I told you! I don't know! I thought Nestor made her up. I sent an email that's all.","[Cut to Brennan' office]","Dr. Goodman: Dr. Brennan. Can you spare a moment for the Venezuelan Ambassador?","Ambassador: [To Dr. Goodman] Thank you.","Brennan: Is there something I can do for you?","Ambassador: [Handing Brennan a picture of Nestor} I understand that you are very good at your job, Dr. Brennan. But I think that you are not a mother, correct?","Brennan: No, I'm not a mother.","Ambassador: [Handing Brennan a DVD] Please watch this.","Ambassador: All a mother wants to know is that she has raised her child well. That he will grow up to be a good man. I will never see this. I will never know. [Brennan pushes play and sees Nestor as a child getting his implant.] The day Nestor received his implant.","Brennan: [Watching the video] The first day that he could hear.","Ambassador: And the first thing he heard was my voice.","Brennan: His mother's voice.","Ambassador: I told him I loved him. The child who has lived through this miracle would never take his own life. You're a scientist. You need more then a mother's reassurance, fine. My husband and I have many enemies, that is why I sent Nestor to Hanover. They promised us that he would be safe. What if they failed? They would not want to admit it. They would do everything they could to bias you towards suicide.","Brennan: I promise you I will find out the truth.","Ambassador: Thank you.","[Cut to Angela's office]","Angela: Swan dive, cannon ball, cherry bomb... No matter how he jumps, the hyoid does not break.","Brennan: What about added weight?","Angela: We figure an added strain of 90 kilos to snap the hyoid.","Brennan: 90 kilos is just under 200 lbs, the weight of a muscular man.","Booth: So what? The Venezuelan hit squad fantasy thing? For one thing it's nuts and another the guy'd have to be 20 feet tall.","Angela: I'm out of alternative scenarios to explain this hyoid break.","[Cut to Hanover Prep]","Booth: I want to take another look at Nestor's room.","Brennan: What exactly do you hope to find?","Booth: [Looks up the stairs in time to see a guy look at him, then run. To Brennan] Stay here.","Brennan: [Pushing her way past Booth] Yeah right, that's gonna happen.","[Brennan runs into Nestor's room after the guy. He shuts the door after she runs in leaving Booth out in the hall. Brennan turns to face the guy, kicking him in the stomach causing him to fall backwards against the door. Booth opens the door from the other side and the guy goes stumbling forward as Brennan trips him and he goes down on his stomach. The guy jumps up quickly and Booth goes running at him. The mystery man takes some swings at Booth but he ducks and punches mystery guy in the face three times. The guy goes down for good]","Booth: [To Brennan] You alright?","Brennan: Are you?","Booth: [Grabbing the guys wallet and tossing it to Brennan] Check his ID.","Brennan: His name's Tovar Comara. He's security at the Venezuelan embassy.","Booth: If he's security, why'd he run?","[Cut to Ambassador's Office]","Brennan: What we would like to know is what Senor Comara was doing in Nestor's room?","Ambassador: I asked Senor Comara to go to Nestor's room to prove a point. That suicide was not the only possibility.","Booth: Prove that an outsider can get to your son.","Ambassador: The school informed me that Nestor's death was most certainly a suicide. That anything else was impossible.","Comara: We proved them correct. I failed to escape without being detected.","Brennan: The school lied to you Ambassador.","Booth: Dr. Brennan already declared your son's death a homicide.","Ambassador: I apologize. I was misinformed.","Booth: I won't be pressing any charges.","Ambassador: Thank you. [Security guards enter the room] Please excuse me.","Brennan: [To Tovar] Do you think Nestor was killed by outsiders?","Comara: Not Venezuelan insurgents. They would make a statement. Not fake a suicide. This hanging. [sniffs] Willa mala.","Brennan: Hmm.","Booth: Sure, you know someone says, you know, it smells in a Spanish accent and all of a sudden you're like, hmm interesting.","[Cut to Nestor's dorm room]","Brennan: What are we looking for?","Booth: I talked to a few of Nestor's teachers and a few students that he hung out with. He was a loner. Well, I mean he went to his classes but, you know, mainly he just stayed here in his room. That's it so I figured we'd come here and you could do your little anthropologist thing. Huh?","Brennan: [laughs] Okay. He liked music. Heavy procession low frequencies for the most part. It's the stuff he probably liked before the implant. He could feel the vibrations in his chest. After the implant he started enjoying stuff with more melody. He was growing. He enjoyed it.","Booth: Enjoyment is the opposite of suicide.","Brennan: You've decided this isn't a suicide so you're collecting evidence to support that. By closing your mind you're missing important indicators.","Booth: [Pulling a broken CD out of the trash] Oh yeah? So why did he throw this away? I mean hey it's flute music that's reason enough, but where's the case?","Brennan: [Walking over to look at the CD's on the book case] I...uh...These aren't organized.","Booth: Well, you know, girls they organize alphabetically. Guys are more organic. Good stuff up to the left... Crap [whistles] bottom right. Look at that. [Opening the case to find a burnt disc] Well I mean if he hated it why did he re-burn it.","Brennan: This isn't a CD it's a DVD.","[Cut to Brennan's office]","Booth: I should have known. It's a fifteen year old boy. It's just p0rn.","Brennan: Wait Angela: That's our hanging victim.","Zach: This is pretty kinky stuff.","Brennan: I need to know where and when it was shot. What kind of camera and anything else that might help.","Booth: I'm going to need stills and close ups of the girls face.","Hodgins: [Burping] Thanks a lot Booth. My seven organ soup is repeating on me.","Booth: Well, you ordered. You should have left it to Sid. [To Brennan] Let's see what the school has to say about this.","Hodgins: [To Zach] That was not wild and kinky s*x. It was very, very basic beginner stuff. Just so you know...uh, Angela, you got any bicarbonate?","[Cut to the Headmaster's office]","Sanders: We've seen this kind of thing before.","Brennan: Kids recording themselves having s*x?","Headmaster: Young people are more jaded then they used to be. Sometimes they swap these tapes.","Sanders: I'm surprised to see Nestor.","Booth: But not so surprised to see the girl?","Headmaster: How is that relevant?","Brennan: You know what's a better question? What makes you think you get to decide what's relevant? You're basically a Principle of a High School.","Booth: We need to see all the s*x tapes that you've confiscated.","Headmaster: Absolutely not.","Booth: Well, I will just get a warrant and in the application for a warrant I'll include your admission that you allow your students to swap homemade s*x tapes.","Sanders: The headmaster is not refusing to provide you with the tapes.","Brennan: Absolutely not sounds like a refusal.","Sanders: When we confiscate the tapes we immediately turn them over to local law enforcement.","Booth: Sheriff Roach knew about this?","Sanders: No need to issue a warrant. We are cooperating completely.","Brennan: Was the girl also a student here?","Headmaster: Given your hostility. It's time we bring in a lawyer to advise us.","Booth: Or you take my advice. If you don't answer my questions, I'll take you down to FBI headquarters in hand cuffs.","Brennan: He'll do it. He doesn't like you.","[Booth shakes his head no.]","Headmaster: Fine Agent Booth, her name is Camden Destry.","[Cut to Interrogation Room]","Camden: Nestor Olivos? I knew him. He's kind of famous since he died.","Mom: Poor kid, to take his own life.","Booth: Were you romantically involved?","Camden: No.","Mom: Camden is too young to date seriously.","Booth: Tell me when you've seen enough to start telling the truth?","Lawyer: This is outrageous Agent Booth!","Camden: [Seeing the footage] Oh my God. I can't believe this. Oh my God. Where did that come from?","Lawyer: Really Mr. Booth, I must protest.","Booth: [Irritated] I'm tired of being lied to, so excuse me if I'm indelicate. Okay, Let's start over, Shall we? Did you know Nestor Olivos? Were you romantically involved?","Camden: Why would he do that? Why would Nestor tape us? I loved him.","[Cut to Booth and Brennan getting out of his SUV]","Brennan: So let me just get this right, I'm the tactless and insensitive one.","Booth: Okay, look. The girl lied to a Federal Agent during the investigation in the death of a boy that she said she loves. You know what? These kids, they all lie. That school teaches them that they're special, that they're above the rest of us. Well they're not.","Brennan: You're the least objective person I have ever met.","Booth: Thank you.","Brennan: It's not a compliment.","Booth: Aw, C'mon Brennan, you know something is wrong here. Alright, the school, the tapes, now Sheriff Roach.","Brennan: All this mess you're uncovering. It smells, yes but doesn't add up to murder...not logically.","Booth: Maybe if you looked for more then the facts you would be able to see the bigger pic...","Brennan: [Interrupting] Maybe if you opened your mind we could find out the actual truth.","[The Sheriff pulls up in her car and gets out with a box of tapes. She walks over to Booth and Brennan arguing.]","Sheriff: Brought you the tapes.","Brennan: How many?","Sheriff: {Handing Brennan a box] All of them. What do you think? I'm withholding evidence?","Booth: You know, I'm thinking Hanover Prep gets you elected and you look the other way when you see these tapes.","Sheriff: Kids having s*x. There's no law against that.","Booth: Let's hope that's the worse thing that we find.","[Cut to Booth's office]","Brennan: You're right about the school... serving pudding.","Booth: Stirring the pudding. It means...","Brennan: [Pointing to screen] Melodee Destry, that's Camden's mother. Wait, Is that...is that Nestor Olivos she's with?","Booth: Nope, That's Nestor's roommate, Tucker Pattison.","[Cut to Interrogation Room]","Booth: How long did the sexual relationship continue?","Tucker: A couple of months. I don't know.","Mom: Tucker is the underage victim of statutory rape.","Booth: When did it end?","Tucker: That was the last time.","Booth: Why Nestor's bed? Why not your own? It was only ten feet away.","Tucker: I don't know.","Booth: It was because you knew exactly where the camera was pointed.","Tucker: Mrs. Destry gave me money, you know, to keep quiet. Nestor said how much you think she would pay to keep her husband from seeing a tape. Nestor set up a drop and got five thousand dollars. He said we should do it again but just before vacation I told him that I was going to tell my parents, even if it meant getting kicked out of Hanover. The next thing I know he killed himself. I figured it was my fault.","[Cut to the Lab]","Hodgins: Tabanid pupil casing show the boy ingested a heavy dose of Ketamine before he died. Kids call it Special K.","Booth: So somebody dosed him, right? That explains why he wasn't struggling before the hanging.","Brennan: Or wild thought? He took it himself for fun, like most kids do.","Zach: I had s*x with Naomi in Paleontology.","Angela: You mean actually in Paleontology.","Zach: No, at her place. I thought it went great but I could be wrong because apparently what I think is wild and kinky is basic and since she never called me back I'm wondering if it's because I lack imagination in the sack.","Angela: You know what Zach? I'm thinking this is more of a guy, guy conversation.","Zach: Yeah, I was wondering...","Hodgins: [Burping]","Booth: Dude, minty burp, still burp.","Hodgins: Yeah well who took me to Wong Salmonella's?","Booth: Alright, you know what? Just go back to Sid. Let him bring you you're meal. Heartburn will disappear.","Brennan: Heartburn!","Booth: What?","Brennan: Hodgins has heartburn because stomach acid is rising into his esophagus. The Ketamine plus choking could have caused Nestor to regurgitate. The rope would hold the gastric juices in the upper throat weakening the hyoid. Digestive juices are basically hydrochloric acid.","Zach: [To Booth] Sometime when you're not busy, I wonder if I could ask you a few questions about sexual positions.","Booth: If you even try, I will take out my gun and shoot you between the eyes.","Brennan: These marks here and here that's scaring consistent with hydrochloric acid.","Booth: I don't like where you're going with this.","Brennan: I need to run a few scenarios through the Angelator.","[Cut to Angela's Office]","Brennan: Replace the values for the hyoid bone mass with these sliding coefficients. That will replicate bone deterioration as the hyoid is being digested by stomach acid.","Angela: I'm applying a timeline and running in fast-forward. This will show it in measure time.","Brennan: The body decomposes and the gastric juices trapped by the noose in Nestor's esophagus actually digest the hyoid over time. [Referring to a close up of the hyoid] Wait, there the hyoid cracked.","Angela: A hundred and ninety six point three hours just over 8 days.","Brennan: [To Booth] This finding is congruent with suicide.","Booth: I do not accept that.","Brennan: It's a fact; you can't not accept a fact. I have to amend my cause of death report.","Booth: Then you'll stop my investigation. The school trying to cover up a murder and you're helping them.","[Cut to the Lab]","Angela: Honey, did you ever just believe something, despite the evidence, just know it was true?","Brennan: No, I've hoped things. I will always know the difference between hope and fact. You know all that's left of this boy is this table full of bones. Now everyone he has ever known has an agenda, his parents, his school, even the cop who's investigating his death. I'm the only one who cares about the truth of what Nestor's life came to in the end. Good or bad, and I know the truth is more important than anything else.","Angela: You know or you hope it's true?","Brennan: Suicide is the most rational, logical explanation. What I believe doesn't matter. What makes me sad doesn't matter.","Angela: [Holding a drawing of Nestor] Look at this face. He did not kill himself.","Brennan: Angela, I need a little more proof then a nice drawing.","Angela: I can do that.","[Cut to Brennan office]","Angela: Okay this is not from the DVD it's a quick snippet that was on Nestor's hard drive. Somebody tried to erase it but Zach and I got some of it back.","Brennan: Angela, zoom in on that necklace.","Angela: A little sea horse? C'mon, what kind of blackmailer does that? It's sweet. It's a clueless kid in love.","Brennan: That's your evidence that he didn't commit suicide, A sea horse?","Booth: A kid doesn't give a gift because, you know, he's in love, he does it because he wants a little lovin'.","Brennan: Rerun that.","Angela: That cynicism you affect Booth it's your way of hiding your deeply romantic nature.","Brennan: There. Stop. Play again. There! She rolled her eyes for the camera.","Booth: What?","Angela: I didn't see it either.","Brennan: Play it in stop motion. Zoom in. There, Slow motion.","Booth: How'd you see that?","Angela: Wait, that girl knew that camera was there. She looked right at it.","Brennan: Camden isn't a victim. She's in on it.","Booth: You don't roll your eyes to yourself. You do it for someone else, not Nestor Olivos.","Brennan: What do we do now?","Booth: Well this is where a public school education comes in handy. Divide and conquer was the playground motto.","[Cut to Interrogation Room]","Booth: What would help me Camden is if you told me why Nestor killed himself?","Brennan: Then we can close the murder investigation.","Camden: [Seeing Tucker on a TV screen] Why is Tucker here?","Booth: Oh, Tucker, he said some things.","Camden: What things?","Booth: Well what Tucker told us doesn't make you look good.","Brennan: I believed him but Agent Booth said it was only fair to hear your side.","Booth: If your stories match up I'll be able to drop the murder investigation.","Brennan: You know, I find it hard to believe that it was your idea for Tucker to seduce your mother.","Camden: It wasn't. She hit on Tucker.","Mom: No. Wait. Wait. [To her lawyer] Can they do this?","Lawyer: They're fishing. Don't say a word.","Brennan: I wasn't fishing? [To Booth] Were you fishing?","Booth: No, I wasn't fishing.","Camden: Tucker was all 'Stacy's Mom' about it. I just sort of gave him permission. It was funny.","Mom: Please stop this. Stop it.","Camden: Mom deal with it, okay? You're the one that's the perv, so. When my mom gave Tucker money to keep him quiet we got the idea to blackmail her with the tape. I was mad at her I guess. Then Tucker said it was my turn.","Booth: Nestor was rich, lonely, Catholic and he had a thing for you.","Camden: And he was cute. People didn't notice because the way he talked but he was really cute. I liked him. We made the tape and showed it to Nestor. It made him really upset. Really upset.","Brennan: Because you threatened to show it to his mother.","Camden: Or because I broke his heart? I still can't believe he killed himself. I'm really sorry he did that.","Lawyer: What Camden did was wrong which she's acknowledged but she can't be held responsible for an unstable boy overreaction.","Camden: I said I'm sorry.","Booth: Yeah, Camden Destry I'm placing you under arrest for the murder of Nestor Olivos.","Lawyer: What? She's admitted to blackmail and attempted blackmail that's all.","Brennan: Nestor was going to go to the headmaster and expose you so you dosed him with Ketamine and hauled him up into the tree. The DNA traces in the rope will prove that.","Booth: Plus, you've already confessed to the motive.","Camden: If I cooperate and tell you everything Tucker did, do I get some sort of deal?","Booth: That depends on what else you got.","[Cut to Brennan' Office]","Booth: The Headmaster and Head of Security will both loose their jobs over what happened to Nestor. The Sheriff will resign. The two kids who killed your son are both in custody.","Ambassador: Thank you.","Booth: We're very sorry... for your loss.","Brennan: Ambassador Olivos, you told me that all a mother wants is to know that she's raised her child well. That your biggest regret is that you will never know if Nestor would have grown up to be a good man, but he was a good man. [Handing back the picture of Nestor] He died because he was trying to do the right thing.","Booth: Very impressive Temperance. You got that one right.","[Cut to Wong Foos]","Angela: When you're with someone the gymnastics aren't what matter. It's who you are. It's in your intentions and how much you care about the other person.","Zach: If you don't want to help me just say so.","Angela: Alright, I'm going to let you in on a secret. This is a female secret. Go to Naomi and tell her you don't know anything about lovemaking...s*x yeah ...lovemaking you're a blank slate. You'll do anything she wants if she just introduces you to the secrets of love. She'll be more interested in that then if you were the most imaginative lover on the planet Zach: That is totally counter intuitive.","Angela: Just do it Z-man. Reap the benefits of my sexual wisdom.","Booth: [Walking in with Brennan and seeing the rest of the Squints] Oh no, this isn't going to work. I mean this is my place.","Booth: Sid?","Sid: As long as they keep it down on the subject of rotten corpses and bodily fluids, I have no beef at all.","Hodgins: [To Booth] Okay that is amazing. I had heartburn. I asked Sid to bring me something and now the heartburn is gone. I mean it's gone. Man I love this place.","Booth: Okay fine, new rules that counter is mine. That booth is yours everything else around here alright, mine, alright, mine...M-I-N-E, mine.","Brennan: I've been thinking about your whole 'something stinks' aptitude. I think you have a subconscious knack for reading body language, stress in the voice, other subtle but discernable indicators. It's not mysterious but it is impressive and in the future, I will try to record it in an appropriate degree of objective worth.","Booth: Thank you Temperance. Appreciate that. So, uh, what part of 'this is mine' did you not understand? Do I have to say it in Latin?","Brennan: [Places a Jeffersonian ID on the Bar and joins the other Squints] Abset invidia.","Booth: [Smiling as he picks up the ID] Nice.","End."],"Show Title":"Bones","Episode Number":"01x03","Episode Title":"A Boy in the Tree","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Bones_01x06.json","Recap":["When Brennan and Angela get caught in a melee in a dance club, Brennan kicks someone into a wall, causing it to break open and revealing a mummified corpse and a stash of methamphetamine. Once it's determined a murder was committed, Brennan and Booth pair up to follow a trail of drugs and money within the Washington, DC, club scene. Their investigation uncovers a turf war between artists within the local urban music industry, where the quest for success may end in death. Meanwhile, it remains to be seen if Booth's current relationship is ready to move to the next level."],"Transcript":["\"The Man in the Wall\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Open: Brennan's office. Angela enters Brennan's office carrying a coat. Brennan is at her desk working intently on her computer).","ANGELA: Come on, honey. If we don't leave now, we won't get into the club.","BRENNAN: (not looking up from the computer) I'm just finishing up a few emails.","ANGELA: Oh what? (comes around to the front of Brennan's desk while digging through her purse)","BRENNAN: My publisher wants to schedule a book tour. I'm just confirming dates.","ANGELA: That can wait, sweetie.","BRENNAN: (getting up from her desk and walking over to the coffee table to pick up a stack of papers to look over) There's a student that needs help identifying the cause of a fracture on a lateral epicondyle.","ANGELA: (not amused) TGIF. You heard of that? (sways arms and hips)","BRENNAN: Yeah, it's some kind of acronym. But my inbox is full.","ANGELA: We know that's not true.","BRENNAN: (walking back towards her desk) There's a TV show that needs research. Not that they listen... (shifting through the papers)","ANGELA: We're going (takes papers from Brennan's and starts to take off her blue lab coat).","BRENNAN: I really shout catalog that skull (turning while Angela is taking off her lab coat). It's in the museum's exhibit on the French Revolution.","ANGELA: Yeah, Pep\u00e9 le Pew is more important that booze and boys (puts down lab coat and hands Brennan her jacket).","BRENNAN: I don't think that's his name.","(They exit the office.)","(Cut to: Basement Club where hip-hop music is playing.)","MAN\/MC: (to the crowd) All right, everybody. We're gonna keep it crunking here tonight. Tonight the Basement Club brings to you the number one deejay around town, Deejay Rulz! Give it up!","(Inside the club, Angela and Brennan are at the bar with drinks.)","ANGELA: Feels good, doesn't it? Being with people who are alive?","BRENNAN: It's very stimulating, I have to admit.","ANGELA: We are so gonna tear it up tonight.","BRENNAN: That's slang, right?","ANGELA: Right (nods).","BRENNAN: (looking down at her clothes) Is my costume all right?","ANGELA: Sweetie, it's not a costume. It's a cute outfit. And yes, it looks perfect (takes sip of her martini).","BRENNAN: I know, it's very-it's very warm in here.","ANGELA: No, because it looks great (takes Brennan by the arm and walks away from the bar). We are so getting checked out! (walking through the crowd)","BRENNAN: I love this music.","ANGELA: Deejay Rulz, he is so hot.","(Shot of the performer rapping, and the crowd dancing.)","BRENNAN: It's so tribal.","ANGELA: (dancing) Don't say \"tribal\", sweetie.","BRENNAN: Why? Oh, because of all the black people? (people look over at them)","ANGELA: Sweetie, just for tonight, have fun, stop dissecting and take part.","BRENNAN: African-Americans aren't the only ones with tribal heritage (dancing).","WOMAN #1: (An African club goer cuts in, standoffish) You say we're natives of some tribe?","BRENNAN: Anthropologically speaking, we're all members of tribes.","WOMAN #2: (approaches) You better shut your mouth.","BRENNAN: (trying to explain, as people gather around her) I just meant hip-hop mirrors the direct visceral connection you see in tribal communication.","MAN #1: (reacting to Brennan's comment, upset) What?","BRENNAN: After the Cartesians split in the 17th century, we separated our mind from our bodies the numinous from the animalistic .","WOMAN #1: (hostile) Are you calling me an animal, fool?","WOMAN #3: (another woman injects) No, fool. She's using Descartes' philosophy to say she's down with the music.","WOMAN #1: (at WOMAN #3) Who you calling a fool, fool? (shoves woman, who falls. Looks back at Brennan, and raises her hand) Get out of my way.","MAN IN CROWD: There you go!","(Woman tries to shove Brennan, but she reacts quickly and ends up side stepping the attempt and pushes the woman to the ground).","ANGELA: (holds up hands to everyone watching while following Brennan away from the crowd) We're going, we're going. (Another man grabs Brennan's arm, upset).","MAN #2: You shouldn't have done that, bitch!","(Brennan defends herself and ends up kicking the man hard. He crashes into a wall and breaks open the siding.)","CROWD: Ooh!","(Some form of powder is released into the room, falling over all the people watching. Angela licks some of the powder off her finger.)","MAN IN CROWD: That's what I'm talking about right there.","ANGELA: Uh oh.","(Shots of the crowd looking towards the wall with various reactions.)","MALE VOICE: Yo, yo, yo. Check this out.","FEMALE VOICE: What is it?","(Pans through the crowd to the wall where a mummified skeleton is revealed.)","MALE VOICE: Look at that fool man.","MALE VOICE: The wall.","MALE VOICE: What the hell is it?","(Brennan turns to Angela with a perplexed expression.)","(Cut to another shot of the Club. Booth and Tessa are walking down a set of stairs following Special Agent Furst.)","FURST: Are you sure she can handle this?","BOOTH: No one in our lab knows the first thing about dealing with a mummy. I'd have to call her in anyway.","(Booth helps Tessa with the stairs and follows Furst to the crime scene.)","FURST: She assaulted two agents who were trying to tape off the body (pointing to Brennan, who is talking to two men, asking them to stay away from the body).","BRENNAN: (adamant) They were trying to compromise the remains.","FURST: (to Booth) A cloud of meth covered the dance floor. (points to Brennan) I think they've inhaled quite a lot.","BOOTH: (smiling) Are you two high?","ANGELA: (acting strangely) Only by accident, so it doesn't count.","BRENNAN: (to Booth) Why'd you bring Tessa? This doesn't seem like such a great date.","TESSA: (arms crossed, straight forward) We were out to dinner when he got your call. Your pupils are the size of saucers.","BRENNAN: (rushes over to stop a police officer who is approaching the remains) Wait, get away from the remains!","BOOTH: Bones, simmer down.","(Two African-American men arrive.)","OAKES: How long is this gonna take?","BOOTH: (turns towards them) Who the hell wants to know?","HALL: (holding a cane) I'm sorry, he works for me. I'm Randall Hall, I run this place.","BOOTH: You run this place Mr. Hall? Interesting, you know, cause we know found some drugs on-","BRENNAN: (cuts in, repeating Booth's words) Found them, we found 'em.","BOOTH: Alright, we found some drugs on the dead guy. We're gonna want to know where they came from, why he had them BRENNAN: Why.","BOOTH: (gives Brennan a look) Why he had them. Any idea who he is?","BRENNAN: A- (gets another look from Booth and turns away).","BOOTH: Any ideas?","HALL: (smug) The guy barely looks human. What makes you think I'd recognize him?","BOOTH: (turns back to Brennan who is looking at the mummy intently) Bones, how does something like this happen? (points at the mummy)","BRENNAN: (grabs Booth's arm to stop him from getting too close, twisting his arm) Well, the Egyptians would give the body a cedar oil enema and then rinse it with wine and cover it with salt. But I don't think that's what happened here.","BOOTH: Bones, you are totally wasted.","(Brennan turns and sees Zack coming down the stairs. She rushes over to him and leads him to the mummy. Zack looks uncomfortable, as he doesn't know why Brennan is acting the way she is.)","BRENNAN: Zack! Zack! Zack! Come here! Come here! (puts hands on Zack's shoulders as she pushes him towards the mummy) Isn't this a beautiful specimen of mummification?","ZACK: (confused) What's going on?","BOOTH: Let's just say your boss inhaled.","BRENNAN: See how perfectly dried and preserved the skin is? (pointing at the mummy) You don't find something like this every day. (turns to Tessa) Hey Tessa, have you seen it?","ANGELA: (still under the influence) It's so hard to believe that you two would be a couple. You know, cop and lawyer. It's very touching (points back and forth between Booth and Tessa).","TESSA: I'm gonna grab a cab (heads back to the stairs).","BOOTH: (goes to catch up to Tessa, handing her some money) Oh, no. Oh, ok, hold up. Uh sorry, sorry. I apologize. Here, I'm gonna make it up to you, I promise, ok? Ice cream later? (kisses Tessa) Take care.","TESSA: I'll talk to you later (turns and heads back up the stairs).","BOOTH: Talk to you later.","BRENNAN and ANGELA: (both with funny expressions) Awww!","BOOTH: (serious) Can we just stick to the business here? Thank you. (To Hall) I'm gonna need a list of your employees, alright? We'll run it through the system, see if any one of 'em have a drug conviction. (To Brennan) How long before you can ID him?","BRENNAN: Well, I'm not at all tired so I'm sure I can stay up all night and work. (to Zack) We have to be careful removing him, he's very dry and brittle.","(Zack takes photos as Brennan sweeps some cobwebs out of the way.)","BRENNAN: My first modern mummy.","Opening Credits","(Cut to Medico-Lab. The mummy is lying on one of the tables on the main platform. Brennan, Angela and Hodgins are examining it.)","HODGINS: Crystal meth is made from cold medicine, lye and the strike pads from matchbooks (walking over to the table with a stack of papers.) The body was not designed to deal with that kind of assault.","BRENNAN: (voice strained and tired) So I'm finding out.","HODIGNS: Chamomile tea? It's very soothing.","BRENNAN: No, I just need your results.","HODGINS: How about a stick to pry the monkey off your back?","ANGELA: (sitting down by the computer, looking completely drained and out of it) Are you sure you need me here?","BRENNAN: Payback for showing me the good life.","BOOTH: (approaching them) Ok, so how is my man, the Tut?","BRENNAN: In better shape than I am.","HODGINS: The meth found in his lungs and nasal passages matches the meth that juiced Angela and the good doctor here (hands Brennan the report).","BRENNAN: (grabs the report) Can you please keep it clinical?","BOOTH: So, uh, he died of an overdose.","BRENNAN: (goes to open the report, but drops some of the pages. Booth bends down to pick them up) Asphyxiation. Meth coated the alveoli in his lungs, making breathing impossible.","BOOTH: So, uh, he overdosed with his meth behind the wall.","HODGINS: (pointing a small pen light at the mummy) Well, the space was too narrow for him to squeeze through. He got stuck, the bag broke, and when he gasped for air he inhaled and died instantaneously.","BRENNAN: The dry air convection behind the wall removed most of the moisture from his body.","BOOTH: How long was he, uh, in there?","HODGINS: Judging from the acrid mites in his ears, I'd say six weeks.","BOOTH: (pointing to the body) Hey, didn't he have hands?","(Cut to one of the testing rooms, where the hand is inside a jar with liquid. Brennan and Booth enter the room.)","BRENNAN: They're easier to work with dismembered. I've rehydrated them so we can get some fingerprints.","(Brennan opens the lid of the jar, and Booth acts squeamish at what she's about to do.)","BOOTH: Off that?","BRENNAN: Sure.","(Brennan picks up the hand from the jar.)","BOOTH: Have you ever been to Costa Rica?","BRENNAN: I was flown down once. They found a human skull 12,000 years old. (continues to work with the hand, placing her hand under the skin) Why?","BOOTH: Finally getting' some vacation time (not watching what she's doing). I was gonna head off on Thursday. I heard Costa Rica was beautiful.","BRENNAN: Yes. Fascinating wildlife, lots of parrots (pulling the skin off of the hand).","BOOTH: Oh, I don't like parrots, no. People should really, really do all the talking. You know, maybe I should-(reacts to what Brennan is doing) Oh God! What are you doing?","BRENNAN: (places her hand inside the removed skin) Aztecs would slay people and then wear their skin as a bodysuit.","BOOTH: (off put) I guess you won't be needing mittens for Christmas, huh?","(Brennan walks over to a machine and places a finger on the glass. The Machine beeps as it works.)","(Cut to a computer screen that shows the fingerprint off the hand. Booth is sitting at the desk as Angela and Brennan approaches him.)","BRENNAN: Did the FBI find a match?","BOOTH: Yep, his name was Roy Taylor (computer screen shows a drivers license).","ANGELA: Roy Taylor? You're kidding! That's Deejay Mount.","BRENNAN: I don't know who that is.","ANGELA: Mount is one of the best deejays in DC. He used to play at the club. Everyone was wondering what happened to him. His album's really gonna take off after this.","(Cut to Brennan's office. She is sitting on her couch working as rap music plays from her computer. Booth enters her office.)","BOOTH: I never knew this side of you Bones.","BRENNAN: It's Deejay Mount.","BOOTH: You're hung over, doesn't this make your head explode?","BRENNAN: I grabbed a couple of hours of sleep on my couch and showered in the lab's decontamination room.","BOOTH: You really know how to live.","BRENNAN: Angela said rap artists sometimes kill each other over the music. Jam Master Jay, Tupac, Biggie.","BOOTH: Do you even know who you're talking about?","BRENNAN: Yeah, I've done my Googling.","BOOTH: Yeah.","BRENNAN: (stands up) Listen...you can hear the alpha male asserting himself.","BOOTH: (making noises and mimicking the rapper) Fill your ass up...with lead...always a nice lyric.","BRENNAN: (goes over to her desk) I'm heading back to the club to meet the FBI forensics team. (turns off the music) I'm getting facts. (leaves)","(Cut to FBI Building. Inside Booth's office, Hall and Oakes are talking with Booth.)","HALL: Deejay Mount, he was starting to break, finally making some money. Someone who's never had anything, it can go to your head. So he gets involved with drugs... BOOTH: You didn't know who he was hanging with or who might've been chasing him?","HALL: A dude like Mount, he had a lot of enemies. Other artists, rivalries. Everyone wants to be number one.","BOOTH: I mean, you have to know who the rivals are, Mr. Hall. Affects your bottom line.","HALL: (at Oakes) Wait for me by the elevator. (Oakes leaves, but exchanges some glances with Booth) Rulz.","BOOTH: What rules?","HALL? That's his name. He performs at the club. I'm trying to keep my crew together, Agent Booth. But I always had to run interference between those two.","BOOTH: Why?","HALL: Ask Rulz.","(Hall gets up and leaves, leaving Booth to think.)","(Cut to the club, Zack and Brennan are working where the body was found. Zack is holding a cable connected to a wire inside the wall while Brennan watches the images on a screen.)","ZACK: Was it fun coming to the club?","BRENNAN: Yeah, before the drugs and the dead body. Tilt-tilt down.","ZACK: Seems so primitive. Being in a crowd of strangers, gyrating to music.","BRENNAN: (looking at Zack) You've never danced?","ZACK: I've been told I look like a marionette in a windstorm.","BRENNAN: You would've fit right in last night.","ZACK: Really?","BRENNAN: (looking at the screen) Footprints...in the dirt, and the termite shavings. Someone was on the other side of him.","ZACK: Light. This leads to the outside.","BRENNAN: We need to get inside that wall.","FBI FORENSICS MAN: Or take it down.","BRENNAN: One last look?","FURST: Take 'em in, show 'em around.","(Cut to Booth's office. An older African-American man enters carrying a box.)","TAYLOR: (knocks on frame) Agent Booth?","BOOTH: (turning) Yeah?","TAYLOR: I'm Roy Taylor's father. Maybe you know him as Deejay Mount.","BOOTH: Mr. Taylor, please come in.","TAYLOR: Thank you for seeing me.","BOOTH: Please sit.","TAYLOR: (sits) You're the one looking onto my son's murder?","BOOTH: Investigating his death, yes, sir. I'm...sorry for your loss.","TAYLOR: (looking down at the box then back up at Booth) I have some information you need.","BOOTH: About your son's death?","TAYLOR: No, sir. (places box on desk) About his life. I've been reading in the newspaper how my son was part of the meth scene, how he was killed by drugs behind a wall like that. (opens box and takes out a framed graduation photo) What my son did was graduate third in his class from high school. He would've graduated first except he-he worked a full time job. (takes out medals and trophy) Track-and-field medals, baseball. Roy never drank, and he never did drugs. Do you understand me, sir?","BOOTH: Mr. Taylor-","TAYLOR: (cuts him off) How they are portraying my boy in the newspapers is wrong. If his mother was live, it would kill her. I taught him a relationship with Jesus. Do you understand, sir? A personal relationship with Jesus.","BOOTH: With all due respect, sir, sometimes when kids grow up, they change, they move away from what they were taught.","TAYLOR: (holds up a hand print ceramic) Five years old, he made this. And a lady who...who reads palms...she looked at it and she said...she said my boy was going to be a great man, a good man. (breaking up) She read no evil in that boy's hand.","BOOTH: (takes the hand print) I can see that now, sir.","TAYLOR: (emotional) Some iniquity killed my boy. You know that word, Agent Booth? It's from the Bible.","BOOTH: \"Deliver me from the workers of iniquity and save me from bloody men.\" (hands handprint back to Taylor)","TAYLOR: You know your psalms, sir. I can trust that you will find out what happened to my boy?","BOOTH: Yes, sir.","TAYLOR: Good (puts things back into the box). Then I'm glad I came by.","(Cut back to the club. The FBI Forensics guy is leading Brennan and Zack into the space behind the wall.)","FORENSICS GUY: Can we conform to as much forensic protocol as possible?","ZACK: We're better at this than you think.","(Noises)","FORENSICS GUY: You know what those are?","BRENNAN: Rats.","ZACK: You trying to scare us with rats? We've been to places where the rats eat the laces right out of our boots.","FORENSICS GUY: Take it easy there, Willard.","(Crouches along with their flashlights.)","ZACK: (shining his light on the ground) There are the footprints. There are marks on the wall, it's scraped.","BRENNAN: (trails light against the wall where there is blood) Blood smear, dried. I see something, can I retrieve?","FORENSICS GUY: Yes (hands her a bag).","(Brennan leans down and picks up a small charm.)","(Cut to lab, where the charm is being examined by Brennan. Booth is with her.)","BOOTH: Apparently there's a rivalry between Mount and this guy, uh, Rulz.","BRENNAN: We saw him perform at the club last night. Did you talk to him?","BOOTH: Oh, no. I don't have enough yet. I go in too soon, he could run.","ANGELA (approaches, looking at what Brennan is examining) Wow, that's a beautiful piece. Zirconium or diamond?","BRENNAN: I'm more focused on the dried blood and flesh at the moment.","ANGELA: Do you buy Tessa jewelry?","BOOTH: I really don't want to talk about that right now.","ANGELA: Too much of a commitment. I just thought because you two were going away-","BOOTH: (cuts her before she can finish) Do you have anything yet?","BRENNAN: Given the rate of air convection and the degree of dehydration of the flesh, I'd say they were there at the same time.","ANGELA: It must hurt like hell to get that thing ripped out of your belly button.","BRENNAN: (looking up at Angela) I thought it was an earring.","ANGELA: Look at the size of the stud. I had one of these before they became totally Miami divorc\u00e9e.","HODGINS: (approaches, holding a jar with something inside and places it on the table) Good news. I was able to pull some particulates.","BOOTH: Uh, are those, uh-","HODGINS: Eyeballs? Yeah. Two types of foreign material in the eyes. Low density polyethylene residue and methamphetamine crystals.","ANGELA: Polyethylene?","HODGINS: It came from the plastic bag holding the meth.","BRENNAN: (to a lab worker) This can be cleaned now. (Walks over to the body and begins examining something)","ANGELA: Yeah, that's a real diamond. (to Booth) Hey, why don't you get a belly button ring? That's not too much of a commitment.","Booth: Yeah, that's great.","BRENNAN: The inside of the lips was damaged by the teeth, this was not an accidental inhalation. The meth was pushed against his face with force. Someone was trying to smother him.","HODGINS: Which would explain how the particulates got into the eye.","ANGELA: So he didn't OD. He was murdered.","BOOTH: So we just have to find out who owns this belly button ring.","(A lab tech is cleaning the belly button ring and reveals an engraving on it.)","ANGELA: Look at this, \"Luv Rulz\".","BRENNAN: Well, at least we know who to ask.","(Cut to a an office\/studio\/loft. Hip hop music is playing.)","BOOTH: This way (knocks on door). Hello! (walks in with Brennan behind him)","RULZ: Yeah, it's open.","BOOTH: Yeah, it's open. FBI Special Agent Booth.","RULZ: What, is the FBI recruiting from America's Top Model now?","BRENNAN: I'm a forensic anthropologist at the Jeffersonian.","BOOTH: She works for the FBI.","RULZ: Yeah, I could live with that.","BOOTH: Yeah, Dr. Brennan also discovered that Roy Taylor was murdered.","RULZ: (preoccupied working his music) So?","BOOTH: So murder is whacked see, 'cause those are the rules, Rulz.","RULZ: Well, maybe he had it coming to him (standoffish).","BOOTH: Oh, so you and Roy Taylor don't get along.","RULZ: That sucker ran me down. Tried to slam me in one of his tracks and ain't nobody do that.","BOOTH: And what happens when they do?","RULZ: I take a piece of 'em. I got in his face one night at the Basement and I told him to disappear, and I ain't seen him since cause he knew to follow the Rulz (laughs).","BOOTH: (chuckles) And, un, maybe your, uh, girlfriend made sure that your, uh, your problem just went away (shows Rulz the ring).","RULZ: That ain't my woman no more. I kicked her sorry ass out months ago.","BOOTH: What is her sorry-ass name?","RULZ: Eve Warren.","BOOTH: What was she doing with Mount?","RULZ: Take a guess. I guess it was just his turn.","BOOTH: She kept your ring.","RULZ: It's a diamond, man. Why she gonna get rid of that?","BOOTH: Any idea where she is now?","RULZ: Probably ripping somebody else off. That girl don't care about nobody but herself. You know she got a kid? Don't care about her neither. Let her brother shoulder that. Bitch.","BRENNAN: (looking over Rulz's shoulder) What happened to your hand?","RULZ: I got shot through the wrist a few years ago.","BRENNAN: Shattered the lower radius and the pisiform.","RULZ: Yeah. I got some nerve damage too.","BRENNAN:It's impressive RULZ: I got shot in the back and through the leg too, you wanna see the scars? (stands up)","BOOTH: Thanks anyway. Let us know if you hear from Eve.","RULZ: That's all I got for y'all. Come on, get back to work. Let's hit it (turns back to music).","BOOTH: You let us know if you hear from her.","(Brennan watches them intently.)","BOOTH: Bones! (snaps fingers, points to door)","BRENNAN: I like this music.","(Cut to inside Booth's SUV.)","BOOTH: Ok, how about this? Deejay Mount trusted Eve because they were sleeping together. So she meets him in the wall, takes the drugs, kills him for Rulz, then he takes off.","BRENNAN: (not impressed) Hey, you should write fiction.","BOOTH: What? Reasonable.","BRENNAN: It's not based on evidence, it's conjecture.","BOOTH: Look, I'm positing a scenario. We've been through this before.","BRENNAN: Yeah, and it always seems to be a waste of time. Now, finding a marker on a bone-","BOOTH: No-you know, I think I need a vacation. I think you do too.","BRENNAN: Well, I'm not the one who's snippy.","BOOTH: Snippy? (chuckles) What are you, like 70?","BRENNAN: See what I mean? I think you should find a nice relaxing place to go on that vacation. (Booth groans) Somewhere where you can get a massage, maybe do some yoga.","BOOTH: I don't do yoga. Push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups. That's what I do.","BRENNAN: Yeah, that's more cardiovascular. Yoga deals more with-","BOOTH: (holds hand up) Why exactly are we talking about this?","BRENNAN: Because you're tense.","BOOTH: Because we're talking.","(Switches on radio, rap music starts playing.)","BOOTH: You switched my music.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Cut to the skeleton room at the lab. Zack is looking at the bones when Brennan walks in.)","BRENNAN: Roy Taylor?","ZACK: Yes.","BRENNAN: Anything pop out at your now that the bones are clean?","ZACK: Some damage to the facet joint and foramen on C-4 on the right side of the neck.","BRENNAN: That suggests his head was forced that way.","ZACK: One other thing. I was looking at the skull through the microscope. I came across a slight depression, barely discernible (walks over to the computer to show Brennan).","BRENNAN: A slight indentation?","ZACK: Could it be congenital or a bone anomaly?","BRENNAN: Probably (picks up skull). Do you ever go on vacation?","ZACK: I take my vacation when you take your vacation.","BRENNAN: What do you do?","ZACK: Go back home to Michigan, see the family. I have three brothers and four sisters.","BRENNAN: Do you enjoy that?","ZACK: God, no. I made the mistake of telling them I work with corpses and skeletons-they think I'm a freak.","BRENNAN: Then why do you go?","ZACK: It's my family. They love me.","BRENNAN: (puzzled. Hands skull to Zack) Take a closer look at the anomaly under the scanning microscope. See what made that mark.","(Cut to a dance studio where a hip-hop dance class is being held.)","GEORGE: Work it out! Work it out! That's right, good, good, good!","(Booth and Brennan walk into the class.)","GEORGE: Yeah, let's work! Come on! (sees the two of them) What do you want?","BOOTH: (shows badge) Special Agent Booth, FBI. This is my associate Dr. Brennan.","BRENNAN: (watching the class) What do you call this?","GEORGE: The Krump. The kids, they come here, they dance. They don't g*ngb*ng. So what do you want? You didn't come here for a dance lesson.","(Walks into his office where a toddler is playing.)","GEORGE: Hey, Maya. How you doing, baby? (Picks up the kid and takes her outside) Come on now, we're gonna go outside and you're gonna play with the rest of the kids, ok? There you go. (Maya runs off)","BOOTH: I'd like to ask you a few questions about your sister Eve.","GEORGE: (sighs) What's she done now?","BOOTH: When was the last time you saw her?","GEORGE: About six weeks ago when she dropped of Maya.","GIRL: (carrying Maya and playing with her outside) Ok, that's fine.","BOOTH: Dropped her off and left?","GEORGE: Told me she needed me to watch her for a couple days, left me some money.","BOOTH: Do you, um, happen to have a, I don't know, recent photo that we could take?","GEORGE: (picks up a frame off his desk and takes the photo out) Evie said she had cleaned herself up. (scoffs) She was turning her life around, and I believed her. (hands photo to Booth) She never came back. That little girl out there, that's her daughter. She's like a daughter to me too.","BOOTH: Didn't it bother you that Eve never came back? I mean, didn't you go look for her?","GEORGE: I learned to let her go. I mean, Eve, she's had a lot of problems. Drugs, hanging out with the wrong people. I mean, if I track her down and she takes Maybe before she's ready-I'm not letting nothing happen to that little girl.","BOOTH: Did you know Roy Taylor?","GEORGE: Met him. Deejay Mount, I like his stuff. He's pure, I play it for the kids.","BOOTH: We have reason to believe that she was with him the night he was murdered.","GEORGE: Murdered?","BOOTH: Uh-hmm.","GEORGE: You can't find Evie?","BOOTH: No.","GEORGE: Oh, man. She told me she loved him and that she and Mount were gonna take Maya away out of DC, give her a better life, the one we never had.","BOOTH: You said she left you some cash.","GEORGE: Yeah, for Maya.","BOOTH: I'll buy what you have, two dollars to one.","GEORGE: (upset) Sure, whatever, man.","(Shot of Maya laughing)","(Cut to Jeffersonian. Hodgins is working on the platform, looking onto a microscope.)","HODGINS: You may want the stooges at the FBI who are experts due to your so-called drug war, to run a comparison. But I'd say the methamphetamine on these bills matches the meth found with Deejay Mount behind the wall.","BOOTH: Yeah, my guess is that Eve was with Mount the time that he was murdered. How about this, huh? (slaps Hodgins on the back) Deejay Mount rejects Eve because of her questionable past. So, uh, hey she gets mad, she wants to leave with some money, so-(Hodgins gives him a look) What?","HODGINS: Yeah, I don't really think much about that kind of stuff. I'm more about bugs and minerals, sorry.","BOOTH: Come on, Hodgins. Hey, you're a smart guy. You're a smart guy, look up from your microscope, huh? These are real people we're trying to figure out here (gets blank stare from Hodgins). Ok.","HODGINS: Maybe she was just using Mount, setting him up to get his drugs and money.","BOOTH: Very nice, Hodgins.","HODGINS: Yeah?","BOOTH: Yeah.","HODGINS: (gets excited) Real question is, where does she go next?","BOOTH: (points to Hodgins) You're on fire man.","HODGINS: After she left her brother's place because that is where she met her untimely end.","BOOTH: You know what? I'm gonna turn you into an investigator yet.","HODGINS: (shakes head) No, no, no. Bugs and slime, dude. That is where I'm happy.","(Hodgins turns back to his work, but has a smile on his face.)","(Cut do Angela's office. Angela is working on her computer with Brennan looking on.)","BRENNAN: The damage to his C-4 vertebrae was the result of his head being twisted so far to the right.","ANGELA: He was moving this way, toward Eve. (screen shows a simulation of the scenario)","BOOTH: My bet is he was chasing her (enters the room).","BRENNAN: And that's based on-","BOOTH: The money and meth. She left that corridor carrying money saturated in the same meth that killed Mount. She was moviong fast.","ANGELA: She didn't even stop when her belly ring got ripped out.","BOOTH: Money's a pretty good reason to get chased. Only question is, why wasn't he facing her?","ANGELA: It got tight back there. Fifteen centimeters. Eve ripped out her belly button ring here (computer shows what is happening) and then left a smear of blood until the corridor widened, here.","BRENNAN: Oh, god (exhales forcefully.)","ANGELA: What?","BRENNAN: That just...makes me a little sick.","ANGELA: You pick dead bodies out of mass graves and yanking out a belly button ring makes you sick?","BOOTH: Ok, ok, ok. Moving on. I've shot a lot of people in my time and I gotta admit, that whole belly button thing makes me nauseous too.","BRENNAN: Thank you.","ANGELA: At this point, (turns back to screen) Mount must've looked behind him but kept going. Then the passageway narrowed, so he couldn't turn his head back toward Eve.","BRENNAN: Then there's no way she could've shoved the meth into his face. Eve didn't kill him.","BOOTH: A third person surprised him, that why he turned his head-to look.","BRENNAN: Mount's body prevented this third person from getting to Eve, so she escaped.","BOOTH: But he got to Mount, shoved the meth in his face, and he killed him. Ah, but the real question is, who the hell is this third person?","(Cut to FBI Building. Inside an interrogation room, Booth is talking to Oakes.)","OAKES: Why the hell you pick me up, man?","BOOTH: I think you know why I brought you in.","OAKES: Yeah, right.","BOOTH: I waited for you to contact me, explain your situation, but you didn't do that. That's not polite. What are you? DEA? Metro cop?","OAKES: I'm Special Agent Ronald Oakes.","BOOTH: One of us.","OAKES: My orders were not to break deep cover for anybody. Out of deep regard for my FBI brother, I gave you the nod.","BOOTH: (chuckles) That's bull. I made you, now you're making excuses.","OAKES: You got any keys for these cuffs?","BOOTH: Fine. Your way. (gets up and walks around to uncuff Oakes) You know, I need more than a nod, man. You know, I'm conducting a murder investigation. Now, I need to know what you know.","OAKES: I'm 15 months on the task force investigating the links between the urban music business and gang activity.","BOOTH: That's why you got next to Randall Hall.","OAKES: Randall Hall is a clean alias. You ran him, right?","BOOTH: Yeah.","OAKES: Came back clean?","BOOTH: Mm-hmm.","OAKES: Exactly. His real name is Terrence Baskin. Now, we know that he's pushing meth through that club, but we can't get enough to touch him. Our informants disappear. They either get bought off, or they get killed.","BOOTH: What about this murder?","OAKES: The night that Deejay Mount disappeared, Hall got ripped off for a mountain of meth and a ton of cash.","BOOTH: Deejay Mount ripped off Hall?","OAKES: No, it doesn't scan. Mount was into Jesus, not chalk.","BOOTH: Hall killed Deejay Mount?","OAKES: Nah. Hall's people do that type of stuff for him. So if anybody asked, why did you have me arrested?","BOOTH: Weapons beef.","OAKES: (chuckles) So I don't get my gun back.","BOOTH: No (chuckles), no.","OAKES: We meet up again, if you get an excuse, hit me.","BOOTH: Oh...that...you can count on it.","(Cut to the Club. Booth and Brennan are questioning Hall. Oakes is sitting at a table reading a newspaper.)","HALL: I've been investigated for year. Why you think they never got me on anything?","BOOTH: Because you're so smart?","HALL: Because Terrance Baskin is my past. I am 100% clean now. This is my life now, this and my record label. Not crystal meth, not gang banging.","BRENNAN: Yet much of the iconic quality of urban music lies in the perceived or actual rivalry between the principal artists.","HALL: (sits down on a stool, with a grin) Where did you find her?","BOOTH: Museum.","BRENNAN: Was the rivalry between mount and Mr. Rulz strong enough to lead to murder?","HALL: Sure, they were both capable. Add in the fact that Mount was sleeping with Rulz's girlfriend, Eve. Yeah, in fact-","BOOTH: Yeah?","HALL: Rulz built himself a studio around that time. Poured cement for the pad a day after they disappeared.","BRENNAN: So?","HALL: I'm saying...Mount's dead, Eve's gone missing. You might want to consider that. (Turns to Oakes) Let's go.","BRENNAN: (to Booth) What do you think?","BOOTH: Oh, I think-I, uh, think we need to find a way to find a body buried under a slab of cement.","BRENNAN: Can't you get a warrant?","BOOTH: A look around the premises maybe, but no way to tear it up.","BRENNAN: Let me make a phone call.","(Cut to a parking lot where Tootie, a big mastiff-type dog is being unloaded from the back of a truck with her handler Maggie.)","BRENNAN: Tootie has traveled the world finding dead bodies.","BOOTH: Does Tootie always drool like that? (Tootie whines and Brennan shoots him a look) What, I'm gonna hurt her-(looks closely) his feelings?","MAGGIE: Tootie is the best cadaver dog in the world, Agent Booth.","BRENNAN: It's true. If you were a dead body, you'd want Tootie looking for you.","(Cut to the trio entering Rulz's studio.)","BOOTH: How can it smell anything buried under a building?","BRENNAN: He can. Once I saw Tootie find a dead body wrapped in plastic under concrete, after four years.","MAGGIE: (with Tootie) Tootie can smell decaying blood on a tooth six feet underground. I mean, so what? He drools a little. What's up with that? (to Booth) You know, your eyes are kinda close together, but I don't comment.","BOOTH: (holds up hands in mock gesture) I apologize.","MAGGIE: (to Brennan) Is he sincere?","BRENNAN: Yeah.","MAGGIE: All right then, we accept.","(Booth wipes off some drool from his pant leg. Tootie starts to whine and lies down.)","MAGGIE: Good boy, Tootie. Tootie found something.","BOOTH: Maybe he's just lazy.","BRENNAN: Lying down is his indicator. Tootie found it, there's a body under here (Brennan draws around Tootie to mark the location). You should get a warrant to bring in a jackhammer for the floor. (stands up) I'd start digging here.'","(Cut to Jeffersonian. Brennan, Zack and Hodgins are working on the platform around the new remains)","ZACK: (holding up x-rays of teeth) Dental records confirm that this is Eve Warren.","HODGINS: Insect activity confirm she died around the same time Deejay Mount did.","BOOTH: Where did Booth go? I gotta give him the news.","HODGINS: His girlfriend brought him a change of shirt.","ZACK: They're up in the lounge.","BRENNAN: Wha...Zack, clean the bones.","ZACK: We've already got cause of death and identity. What am I looking for?","BRENNAN: It might be grasping but that odd mark we found on Mount's skull? See if you can find anything like it on Eve's remains.","(Cut to the catwalk, Angela is talking with Tessa and Booth)","ANGELA: Jamaica? God, that's incredible.","TESSA: Umm, it's a bed and breakfast. There are these coral cliffs BOOTH: (changing his shirt) Snorkeling, kayaking.","ANGELA: Oh, you two are so ready for the pre-shacking up test vacation.","BOOTH: What do you mean?","ANGELA: You have keys to each other's places. You've done the weekend away a couple times. Yeah, it's time for the ten-day vacation. You know, Jamaica's like a dry run for living together only with rum punch and steel drums (leaves with a smile).","TESSA: (hesitantly) Yeah, see you later. Living together? Silly.","BOOTH: Thanks for bringing me a shirt (hands her the old one).","TESSA: Yeah, ok. I'll talk to you later.","BOOTH: Yeah. (kisses Tessa quickly)","BRENNAN: (approaches them) Hi, Tessa.","TESSA: Yeah, ok. Bye.","(She leaves the two of them in the lounge.)","BRENNAN: It's Eve Warren.","BOOTH: Eve Warren. Ok, cause of death?","BRENNAN: Same as Mount.","BOOTH: Meth overdose.","BRENNAN: Pushed in the face, but there's more. I don't think that Rulz killed her.","BOOTH: She was buried under his studio.","BRENNAN: But her wrist was broken.","(Cut to the Angelator room. Brennan, Booth and Angela are around it.)","BRENNAN: Bone damage indicates that Eve was taken from behind and smashed into a wall. (scenario is shown in the Angelator)","ANGELA: Her skull shows damage to both the infraorbital and supraorbital margins and the zygomatic process.","BOOTH: Zygo-zu-what--you said she was killed by crystal meth.","BRENNAN: She was. She would've been hurt and stunned by the blow but not killed, certainly not immediately.","ANGELA: A bag of crystal meth was placed over her face, actually ground into her wounds, into the airway.","BOOTH: Wait, Rulz couldn't have smashed her into a wall?","BRENNAN: Her radius was separated from the scaphoid and trapezium.","ANGELA: Her right wrist was twisted hard behind her back. There's damage to both the elbow and the shoulder as well. For that to happen, Eve's attacker would've had to twist her arm up with his right hand while jamming the crystal meth into her face with the other.","BRENNAN: Both with a great deal of force.","BOOTH: Ah, but Rulz had been shot twice in the right hand. I got it, he had nerve damage.","BRENNAN: There is no way he had the strength to kill Eve Warren.","BOOTH: Yeah.","(Cut to FBI Building. Booth and Brennan are interrogating Rulz.)","BRENNAN: You did not murder Eve Warren.","RULZ: This is a weird kind of interrogation, huh? Cops telling me what I didn't do.","BOOTH: Well, then do me a favor. Tell me Bones is wrong and confess to a murder.","RULZ: Hell, no, man. What do you think, I'm some type of idiot?","BOOTH: Do me a favor, deny it.","RULZ: See, you got tricks. You're gonna twist all my words around, so I'd better not say anything at all.","BRENNAN: But you didn't kill Eve Warren.","RULZ: So you say. The Rulz says say nothing.","BOOTH: He wants us to hold him.","BRENNAN: Why?","BOOTH: Why? Because every time some rapper gets murdered, his business goes straight through the roof.","RULZ: You know, why should Deejay Mount get the bump, huh? Maybe it's my turn.","(Brennan watches their interaction with confusion and dismay.)","BOOTH: I'll tell you what. I'll make you a better deal. You tell us what we need to know and I'll have those charges laid against you. Put you in the remand center?","RULZ: For how long?","BOOTH: Oh, that depends on what you tell us.","BRENNAN: Wait, wait. You're negotiating to put this guy in jail?","BOOTH: To sweeten the pot, I'll charge you with Mount's death too. But you hire one of those moron lawyers and you'll be thrown in lockup for what, maybe a month?","RULZ: (nods, smiling) Sweet, all right.","BRENNAN: (dismayed) Where am I, in Backwards World?","BOOTH: What do you got?","RULZ: Look, I could tell y'all why Mount got killed, but y'all have to figure out the rest on your own.","BRENNAN: Uh, we have to figure it out just from motive? (sits down)","BOOTH: Ok, look, Bones, this is, you know, sort of my thing. (Brennan relents)","RULZ: You know, Mount was gonna jump.","BRENNAN: You mean commit suicide?","RULZ: (bewildered) Where did you find her?","BOOTH: Museum.","RULZ: I mean labels, jump labels.","BOOTH: (chuckling) Wait, you're saying that Deejay mount was gonna leave Basement Records.","RULZ: Look, all he needed was the money to buy himself back. That's why he got himself killed. Now, if Hall even finds out that I told y'all that much, I'm gonna end up some dried-out mummy in a wall.","BRENNAN: But what about Eve?","RULZ: Man, Eve couldn't kill nobody. You know, s*x 'em to death maybe, but that's about it. There's one more thing. The next day, Hall built me a new studio. He took it out of my money too.","(Booth and Brennan exchange a look.)","RULZ: So, you gonna put me in jail?","BOOTH: Well, you know, hey, it's the least we can do, hmm?","(Brennan is still perplexed at the situation and Rulz chuckles.)","(Cut to lab. A picture of Mount and Eve is on the computer as Booth and Brennan walk up the stairs to the platform.)","BOOTH: How about this? Hall's got motive to kill Mount. Why? Because he's jumping labels, and he's running away with some girl who's stealing Hall's meth and money.","BRENNAN: (putting on surgical gloves) I'm starting to see how this whole motive thing works.","BOOTH: Thank you.","BRENNAN: It's still murky psychological guesswork though.","ZACK: Dr. Brennan, I found a mark on Eve Warren. Here, on the manubrium (sits down at a computer terminal to bring up the image).","BRENNAN: Compare it to the mark on Mount.","BOOTH: Ok, Eve tells Mount that she wants to start a new life, so she rips off the dope and the cash thinking she can build a new future with him.","BRENNAN: That's a story, Booth. You need to find something real.","BOOTH: But why? It feels real to me. I mean, Eve is a woman in love who is trying to escape a world that's just crushing her. Hhmm? (Brennan looks at a photo of Eve and Mount) All right, Mount finds out how much trouble the woman he's in love with is in so he gives up his own life to protect her. That's not enough. They were hoping for a better life, and they wound up dead.","(Brennan looks emotional from Booth's story. Zack pulls up both images on his screen.)","ZACK: Looks like a match.","BRENNAN: (walking over to the computer) Thanks, good job.","BOOTH: What the hell's that?","BRENNAN: I'm not sure, it's a bone dimple. But they both have it, so it can't be genetic. Something external caused it, but I'm not sure what.","BOOTH: Randall Hall, he's behind this. Randall Hall, ok? He killed these two people. We know it, he did it. We just can't touch him, and there's no evidence linking him to the drugs, the cash or either body except for a couple of damn bone dimples.","BRENNAN: I'll keep looking at the remains, maybe find the evidence we need.","BOOTH: I can't let it stand.","BRENNAN: What?","BOOTH: (upset) You know what? I'm gonna spread the pain, all right? That's my new motto (turns to leave).","BRENNAN: Wait, I can help spread pain. Wait!","(Cut to Hall's club. Booth and Brennan are talking with him. Oakes is there, too.)","BOOTH: (sitting on a couch, flipping through a magazine) We know you did it.","HALL: What?","BOOTH: Killed Mount in that wall so that he wouldn't leave your label.","BRENNAN: You killed Eve Warren.","BOOTH: Killed her and buried her under Rulz's studio. Meantime, this is gonna have to remain an active crime scene.","HALL: It's harassment, I'll sue.","BOOTH: I'm gonna harass you every chance I get.","HALL: (jabs his cane against Booth's chest) I'm not somebody you want to mess with.","(Brennan focuses in on his cane.)","BOOTH: Did you just poke me? (chuckles, stands up) Did he just poke me with his little stick?","HALL: (agitated) This is my place. If I want to poke someone, I do it. Come on.","(Hall sticks out his cane again and Booth grabs it, pushing him down. Oakes pulls a gun out on Booth, but he quickly disarms him and knocks him down, too. Brennan takes the gun, pointing it at Oakes as Booth holds the cane in front of Hall.)","BOOTH: All right, how easily do you think I scare? (starts the motion to break the cane.)","BRENNAN: Hey, Booth! Don't break the cane. Arrest him and confiscate the cane as evidence. I need the cane.","BOOTH: Arrest him for what? He's the guy who pointed a gun at a federal agent (indicating Oakes, who is starting to get up.)","BRENNAN: Uttering threats or smelling bad or anything. It's the cane we want.","BOOTH: Fine, here (hands cane to Brennan and takes out his cuffs). Randall Hall, I'm placing you under arrest, all right? For the assault of a federal agent.","HALL: This'll never go to court.","BOOTH: Let's go find out.","(Booth leads Hall out while Brennan hands Booth the gun.)","BOOTH: (turning back to look at Oakes) The next time I take your gun away from you, I'll shoot you with it.","OAKES: Well, then, I better not let you get my gun again.","BOOTH: Come on, lets go.","(Cut to Jeffersonian. Hodgins is helping Zack put on a vest while Angela and Brennan look on.)","ANGELA: Get this, I called Tessa to tell her a couple places she should check out in Jamaica. She's not going.","BRENNAN: What happened?","ANGELA: Well, she said something came up at work, but I know the truth.","HODGINS: (holding the cane as Zack is standing with the vest on, holding something against his chest) How many times you want me to poke Zack?","BRENNAN: Just once, but as hard as you can.","ZACK: As hard as he can? Why don't I hit him as hard as I can?","HODGINS: Because you have arms like noodles, while I'm vigorous and burly.","BRENNAN: (turns back to Angela as Hodgins pokes Zack) What truth?","ZACK: (grunts) Is that all you got, burly boy? (Hodgins gives him a look, and takes the thing Zack was holding.)","ANGELA: They got freaked out by stage six.","BRENNAN: What's...what's stage six?","ANGELA: One, spend the night. Two, spend the weekend. Three, exchange keys. Four, sexy weekend getaway. Five, extended vacation, inevitably followed by six-move in together.","BRENNAN: I'm an anthropologist. I know the stages of everything, you made those up.","ANGELA: I did not.","BRENNAN: Yes, you did.","ANGELA: They got to stage five, and they balked.","BRENNAN: Not Booth, Booth did not balk.","ANGELA: Sweetie, it's always the guy.","BRENNAN: (shakes head) Booth is not a balker.","HODGINS: (looking at them from the computer terminal) Hey, the mark on Mount and the mark on Eve, they're the same.","BRENNAN: He can't resist hitting them with that stupid cane. The end of the cane, it's a fit for both marks. (points to the screen) Hall is the killer. Send the cane, the photos and the medium to the FBI, let them confirm the match.","HODGINS: What? Let them have all the glory?","ZACK: My chest hurts.","BRENNAN: Yeah, all the glory.","(She turns to leave, as Hodgins shakes his head.)","(Cut to Wong Foo's. Booth is sitting at the bar with a red tropical drink with a paper umbrella sticking out of it. The TV is on showing the news.)","TV REPORTER: Here's what we know so far. Evidence linking rap producer Randall Hall with the death of rising hip-hop star Deejay Mount led to charges being filed today by the district attorney. (Brennan appears in the background) Information coming to us slowly at this point but as soon as details-","(Booth switches off the TV.)","BRENNAN: (walking over to Booth at the bar and sitting down next to him) Getting yourself in the mood?","BOOTH: (playing with the umbrella and eating the pineapple slice) Trying. You know, this really isn't gonna be the type of vacation I was hoping for.","BRENNAN: Oh?","BOOTH: Tessa's not going. Something came up at work (takes a sip of his drink).","BRENNAN: That's too bad. I'm sorry. Hey, I like going on vacations by myself.","BOOTH: Really?","BRENNAN: Sure, nothing wrong with being alone.","BOOTH: No, I mean, you like to go on vacation?","BRENNAN: Yeah, I go places all the time.","BOOTH: Do you ever just, you know, sit on the beach...pretend there's no such thing as skeletons?","BRENNAN: Is that in any way fun?","BOOTH: When was the last time you got away?","BRENNAN: Got away from what?","BOOTH: (chuckles) Oh, Bones, you know, because what usually happens to me...I think about not coming back (starts to get up).","BRENNAN: Seriously?","BOOTH: (putting on his jacket) Yeah, you know, you go with someone you joke about not going back to your real life...the two of you laugh. But when you're alone, the world is full of possibilities BRENNAN: See you next week.","(Booth smiles and turns to leave. Brennan is left alone at the bar.)","FIN"],"Show Title":"Bones","Episode Number":"01x06","Episode Title":"The Man in the Wall","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Bones_02x16.json","Recap":["During Brennan's vacation, a woman's body is found with its bones removed. The team interviews people who knew the woman, but they all seemed to be hiding something. Meanwhile Sully tells Brennan he bought a boat and will be leaving for a year, at the end of the case, to tour the Caribbean; he asks Brennan to take a year-long sabbatical and go with him. At the end of the episode Sully sails off in his new boat, \"Temperance\", while Brennan waves good-bye, as she has decided not to go."],"Transcript":["\"The Boneless Bride in the River\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","TEASER","(Open - Brennan and Booth arrive at the crime scene - a River)","BRENNAN: I'm supposed to be on vacation? You know, spending time with Sully.","BOOTH: Oh, that's a good lesson for Sully then, huh? Next time he actually takes you 'away' on vacation, you should go away. You know, leave town.","BRENNAN: Ha! You had a vacation and never left town.","BOOTH: It wasn't a vacation, it was a suspension.","BRENNAN: Plus compulsory therapy...","BOOTH: Dude, don't' knock therapy, okay. Dr. Wyatt has help me realized that there are certain pressures that build up on the job and I need creative ways -","BRENNAN: (Interrupting) We do everything together -","BOOTH: ..of dealing with them.","BRENNAN: What? What exactly do you have to contend with on the job that I don't?","BOOTH: (laughs) You Bones. You don't have to contend with you.","AGENT CHARLIE: So we've got a trunk. Looks like it's been wrapped with chains. Battered up pretty good. Most likely came thought the sluice ways upstream in Maryland.","BRENNAN: Is it locked?","AGENT CHARLIE: Not anymore, it isn't.","BOOTH: Is there a body in there?","AGENT CHARLIE: Sort of. (He opens the box to reveal what appears to be a flattened dead woman) Beats the hell out of me what the deal is with this one.","BRENNAN: Head looks flat. Like the skulls been totally pulverized.","AGENT CHARLIE: Maybe she got run over by a steam roller?","BOOTH: Whoa. What are you saying, that she was killed by Wile E. Coyote?","BRENNAN: Okay, I want the whole kip and canoodle transported to the Jeffersonian.","BOOTH: Kit and caboodle.","RBENNAN: Whatever.","BOOTH: Why don't we just wrap this up fast so we can get you back on your 'vacation'.","BRENNAN: (sarcastically) Thank you. I'd appreciate that.","(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Autopsy Room- Zack and Angela are standing around the body while Cam examines it.)","ANGELA: You have GOT to be kidding..","CAM: What's with the tone?","ANGELA: You want me to take this - face - and build a skull for it?","CAM: Can you do it?","ANGELA: No.","ZACK: You're always taking skulls and putting on faces. Can't you simply reverse the process?","ANGELA: No.","CAM: Why not?","ANGELA: Because I am a human being. (they all look at each other) Is she missing every bone in her body?","CAM: Her skeleton was removed.","ANGELA: (she cringes) Oh. Alright. Leaving the third circle of Hell. But before I go, I think she's Asian.","CAM: Don't base that on skin tone. She was boiled which is why we could only get partial finger prints.","ANGELA: I'm not going off skin tone. I'm going off her hair.","ZACK: I have an idea for the face, if you can remove the head from the rest of the skin sack.","ANGELA: Please, God. I am not out of earshot yet.","(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Brennan's Office)","CAM: The victim was boiled and a number of incisions were made from the top of the skull, around her right ear and down her right side. Then from the left foot, along the outside of the body, to her left hip.","BRENNAN: Someone with medical training?","CAM: Definitely not. An untrained hand, but a very sharp instrument.","BOOTH:(looking queasy) Boiled?","CAM: The entire skeletal structure removed. Then the skin was sewn back around the organs.","BRENNAN: It doesn't fit any kind of ritual killing I've ever heard or read about.","CAM: The organs are damaged, due to the clumsy cutting, but everything's there. Except the brain and the eyes.","BOOTH: Oh, God.","BRENNAN: It must have been difficult to remove all those smaller bones - like the phalanges.","CAM: Well, it's all gone. I didn't even find one bone.","(Hodgins enters)","HODGINS: The algae in the trunk is Cyanobacteria called Microcystis aeruginosa (Brennan gets up from her chair and heads towards the door) the size of the...scum colony indicates 8 days submersion....Dr. Brennan? (she stops and turns back towards him) Have I offended you in some way?","BRENNAN: Dr. Saroyan said no bones, so you know what that means? I'm back on vacation. No bones, no Bones. (she turns to head out, but stops and turns back) I was the second \"bones\".","CAM: Very witty.","(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Room)","ZACK: Essentially, all we have to do is fill the empty head.","HODGINS: Like a balloon.","ZACK: Which is literally what we did.","CAM: Oh, no. You did not.","HODGINS: Put a bladder inside the head and inflate it very slowly. (head starts to inflate)","CAM: This is..it's....absolutely... HODGINS: Brilliant?","CAM: Useless. You need the exact shape of the skull to get a likeness. Not just a....this is...turn that off.","ANGELA: Oh. My. God. You guys are perverse CAM: Dr. Brennan was right. Bone people, should only do bone things.","ACT ONE","(Cut to: Marina - day - Brennan is on the docks approaching \"Dreamer\")","BRENNAN: Hello.","SULLY: Hey. Dr. Brennan!","BRENNAN: Agent Sullivan, I presume.","SULLY: So, what do ya think?","BRENNAN: I think you're very dirty.","SULLY: Ooooh...","BRENNAN: (points to cheek) You've got something SULLY: Oh. Oh. Uh, Come on aboard, here. So, I didn't think I'd see you for a couple of days.","BRENNAN: I know it's strange, but I actually rather spend time with you than work.","SULLY: Well, I'm flattered.","BRENNAN: So, um, you renting it?","SULLY: Well, uh, thinking about buying her.","BRENNAN: Wow. Can you afford it?","SULLY: Well, If I liquidate everything and borrow heavily? Not at all.","BRENNAN: So you'd - you'd live on it?","SULLY: Her. Ya know, live on Her. But before I commit, I want to spend the night on her with you.","BRENNAN: What would that prove?","SULLY: Call it sexual feng shui BRENNAN: I don't think that's a real thing..","SULLY: If it doesn't work for us, I don't want this boat - (Brennan cuts him off by kissing him) Wow. Apparently, you do think it's a real thing.","(she kisses him again and the scene fades out)","(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Autopsy Room)","CAM: I can't find anything on how to estimate the height of a body without bones. Does the skin stretch or contract without a skeleton?","ZACK: Uh, boiled leather, immersed in water, would tend to stretch then contract as it dries. Maybe the principle applies.","CAM: I'm finding bruising on the torso. I'll subject the tissue to reflectent spectroscopy to get a rough idea of when the blows were sustained and whether they were fatal.","ZACK: Dr. Sayroyan? The face debacle taught me a lesson. I'm strictly a bone guy, like Dr. Brennan.","CAM: Which is exactly why I called for you, Bone Boy.","(Cam give a metal tray to Zack with a piece of bone on it)","ZACK: A patella?","CAM: Yes. X-rays showed it was lodged in the fatty tissue of the leg.","ZACK: A bone! Something we can work with.","CAM: It's just a knee cap, Zack. Don't get too excited.","ZACK: To you it's a knee cap. To Dr. Brennan? It's the best part of a human being.","CAM: Good to know.","(Zack takes the tray and leaves)","(Cut to: Marina - day - noises are coming from inside the boat as Booth approaches)","BOOTH: Hey? (laughter is emitted from below deck) Ahoy the boat?","SULLY: Booth?","BOOTH: Yeah. I need Bones. Permission to come aboard or what? (he makes his way on deck as Sully's head pops out from the cabin)","SULLY: Hey. Man. Uh, Is this important?","BOOTH: Yeah. We got a bone.","SULLY: Tell me about it.","BOOTH: It's from the boneless girl..","(Brennan appears from the cabin)","BRENNAN: Uh, what kind of bone?","(Booth looks at the two of them as they look back at him, disheveled)","(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Lab)","BRENNAN: (pointing to the screen) Here and here (she points to the screen)","ZACK: Frontal spurring.","BOOTH: Mhmm. What's that mean?","BRENNAN: Zack?","ZACK: A lot of time spent on the knees.","BOOTH: Oh. She's either a nun or a prostitute.","ZACK: No. The tendon attachments on the inside of the patella also suggest squatting. Which is not nun like behavior.","BRENNAN: You didn't need to interrupt my vacation for this, you know.","BOOTH: Well, you know. You said to call if a bone showed up and this is a bone.","ZACK: The density of secondary osteon structures, suggest the victim was in her early 20's at the time of her death.","BRENNAN: See, Zack is capable. You don't need me. (they all look at the computer monitor) An interesting shape.","ZACK: Square rather than triangular. Classic nail-patella syndrome.","BRENNAN: It's a genetic defect. Also known as Falling's disease.","BOOTH: Falling's disease. Right. What's that?","ZACK: Angela said the victims hair suggested Asian.","BRENNAN: Our victim may have grown up in a non industrialized, rural environment.","BOOTH: Well, early 20's, Asian, rural area? I'll check with immigration.","BRENNAN: Zack will do an osteological profile on the bone, see if we can focus geographically, while I get back on vacation. (Booth looks like a lost puppy as he watches her walk away)","ZACK: Wow. Dr. Brennan really likes that boat.","(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Angela's Office - Angela is going through faces in the Homeland Security Database)","BOOTH: I thought you said you couldn't make a face.","ANGELA: Did you hear about Zack and Hodgins and the balloon in the head?","BOOTH: Ha. Was it as bad as it sounds?","ANGELA: Yes. The least I could do was try to get her a face, poor woman. So, a boat, hmm?","BOOTH: Oh, Sully? Yeah. Hmph. Last month, he wanted to live in a tree house.","ANGELA: Hm. He's like me.","BOOTH: Yeah. (he pauses and thinks) Ya know, I don't see that.","ANGELA: Well, he's not really made for all this murder and corpses and empty eye sockets crap. He's a romantic.","BOOTH: Unlike me?","ANGELA: No. You're a romantic of a narrow kind. You live to catch bad guys. Sully lives wide. Hey, I got a hit off the Homeland Security Database.","BOOTH: Li Ling Fan.","ANGELA: Yeah, she's here on a fianc\u00e9e visa from mainland China.","BOOTH: Well, the fingerprints, it's a match. Print this up for me.","ANGELA: Yeah, this is the victim.","BOOTH: Okay, I'll got visit her fianc\u00e9e tomorrow...and I, I live wide too. Far and wide. Alright? There's nothing wider than Seeley Booth.","ANGELA: Okay then. My Bad.","(Cut to: Drew Harper's House)","HARPER: Ling Fan is dead. Are you certain?","BOOTH: When was the last time you saw you're wife, Mr. Harper?","HARPER: Fan wasn't my wife.","BOOTH: Well, she immigrated here on a fianc\u00e9e visa and you're listed as, uh, the fianc\u00e9e.","HARPER: We called it off. Mutual thing.","BOOTH: Well, you see, I - I don't believe that. I mean, a poor girl from China travels thousands of miles away from her family to be with the man that she loves. Not like she has many options. So uh, when was the last time you saw her?","HARPER: About a month ago. How did she die?","BOOTH: Yeah, we're still, uh, we're still looking into that.","HARPER: Foul play, right? I mean the FBI wouldn't be asking so many questions if it was an accident.","BOOTH: So you, uh, you get off on all this uh - Asian stuff, huh? Martial Arts, weapons..","HARPER: I've dedicated my life to it.","BOOTH: She had some bruising, your fianc\u00e9e.","HARPER: I don't know anything about that.","BOOTH: These uh, weapons here, are they uh, genuine?","HARPER: Knock offs. I can't afford the real thing.","BOOTH: Really? Since when does a fence, worry about affording things? Details, like a criminal record, they tend to uh, come up during murder investigation.","HARPER: Murder?","BOOTH: Homicide. See, I've, uh, dedicated my life to it.","(Harper springs up and jumps out the window as Booth chases him onto the roof)","Booth: Whoa, whoa, whoa.","(he watches as Harper flies off the building to the street below)","BOOTH: Hey!","ACT TWO","(Cut to: Marina - day)","BRENNAN: I've been on Arab dhows about this size, but I don't think I could handle one all by myself.","SULLY: This is a lot more high tech than a dhow.","BRENNAN: Why...why didn't you ask me to go out with you? I'm a good sailor.","SULLY: Well, ya know, I've got to be able to handle her by myself. I'd much rather have a crew, you in fact, but what if you got conked on the head and ran off with a pirate?","(Brennan laughs as booth appears behind them)","BOOTH: Ahoy the boat.","BRENNAN: (annoyed, scoffs) Booth.","SULLY: Don't tell me. You found another bone.","BOOTH: Well, I got this uh, Chinese book that needs translating. Maybe you, uh, got someone at the Jeffersonian we could, uh, talk to..","BRENNAN: No. I'm on vacation.","SULLY: Well, he'll just keep showing up. Might as well pitch in and get the case solved.","(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Lab - Professor Shi Jon Chen )","PROF. CHEN: It's a ledger for buying and selling weapons.","BOOTH: Illegal weapons.","PROF. CHEN: Hm. One entry refers to this. (he points to a sword) It's a Jian, double edge sword.(he continues reading) A dergu....this fellow's not Chinese, correct?","SULLY: How can you tell?","PROF. CHEN: His characters are labored, overly formal.","BRENNAN: Professor Shi Jon Chen is a highly respected cultural anthropologist who specializes..","BOOTH: Yeah. He's one of you. Yep. I get it.","PROF. CHEN: You definitely didn't get all the weapons, including this - the Xing Shuang - Flying Horse - a very rare, ornate, dagger.","BRENNAN: So what do you think, Jon Chen?","PROF. CHEN: Obviously, he has a fetishistic slant towards all things Asian. A mail order bride would have been a thing to him, like these weapons.","BRENNAN: What about the ritualistic removal of the bones? Could it be Minghun.","PROF. CHEN: No. Definitely not.","BOOTH: What's that, huh?","PROF. CHEN: It's an ancient belief, in rural China, that if a young, unmarried male dies - his family should rebury his bones with the bones of a woman.","BRENNAN: A bride for the afterlife.","SULLY: Like a burriage or a marrial.","BOOTH: Deading?","(Sully & Booth laugh while Prof. Chen seems to be less than amused.)","PROF. CHEN: But, I've never heard of anyone committing murder to get these bones.","BOOTH: Well, then. We should, ah, pursue this avenue of investigation.","BRENNAN: If you come across a Minghun, in which the origin of the bride's bones is unclear? You let us know.","PROF. CHEN: Of course (he hands the book to Brennan and leaves)","BOOTH: Alright, Sully, look. I want you to look into buying one of those ancient Chinese weapons. Leaping... Donkey?","BRENNAN: Flying Horse?","BOOTH: Yeah, whatever. See if Harper surfaces long enough to, uh, make the sale.","(Cut to: Booth & Brennan in Booth's car - driving )","BOOTH: Homeland Security says the fianc\u00e9e visa was, ah, expedited by a lawyer on a retainer into a smaller bride agency here in town called \"The Perfect Wife\"","BRENNAN: Well, that sounds archaic.","BOOTH: Well, ya know, in therapy I learned that superlatives like 'perfect' are, uh, meaningless.","BRENNAN: Not in science. A perfect number is a number who's divisors add up to itself as in one plus two plus three equals six.","BOOTH: Well, in therapy I learned that definitive statements are by their very nature, wrong.","BRENNAN: Isn't the statement, '\"definitive statements are by their very nature, wrong\" defintive and, thus, wrong?","BOOTH: You hate psychology!","BRENNAN: You haven't said anything to change my mind.","BOOTH: You know, this is exactly why I sometimes do think like shoot up an ice-cream truck.","BRENNAN: Well, it's a good thing you had therapy.","BOOTH: You know, we talked about you in therapy.","BRENNAN: You did?","BOOTH: mmhmm.","BRENNAN: What did you say?","BOOTH: Well, you know, since it was, uh, my therapy, I don't have to share details. Sorry!","(Cut to: FBI \/ Interrogation Room - Booth and Brennan sit with Jackie Burrows, owner of the Perfect Wife, bridal agency)","BOOTH: So you specialize in bringing brides over from Russia, Romania, China & Thailand?","JACKIE: I've had over 500 marriages since I opened shop. I match the happy couple using an empirical system of reciprocal attributes.","BRENNAN: You can't match humans empirically because the variables number in the tens of thousands.","JACKIE: I never recommend a match with less than 200 points of compatible commonality.","BRENNAN: Tens of thousands is way more than 200.","BOOTH: That's great. Were Drew Harper and Miss Fan -","BRENNAN (interrupting): Miss Ling.","JACKIE: In Chinese nomenclature the last names first..","BRENNAN: ..and the first name is last.","BOOTH: Great. We're they a good match.","JACKIE: Sadly, I'm sorry to say, in the end, no. They decided not to marry.","BRENNAN: Wha- What happened to Miss Ling after that?","JACKIE: On a fianc\u00e9e visa, the couple has 90 days to marry and if they don't, the bride is required to return to her country of origin. So, if Ling Phan is missing, it's probably because she went back home.","BOOTH: Miss Fan is-","(Brennanclears her throat, obviously annoyed and interrupts Booth)","BOOTH: Li Ling Fan is dead, Miss Burrows. She was beaten.","BRENNAN: Drew Harper may have killed her. Did that possibility show up in your 200 points?","JACKIE (visibly shaken): Um, this is my background check on Drew Harper. You'll find that my screening process exceeds the minimum set by the Marriage Broker Act.","BOOTH: Thank you, Miss Burrows. You can leave.","(Jackie leaves)","BOOTH: Well, Harper provided a completely false background.","BRENNAN: Is that possible?","BOOTH: A career criminal, fence? I mean, yeah. He can bring himself a whole identity based on false documents. I'm telling ya, this is definitely not a match made in heaven.","(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Brennan's Office)","PROF. CHEN: I've been worming my way into observing the ceremony first hand, for two months. Through the grooms family.","BOOTH: That'd be the dead groom.","PROF. CHEN: Yes. Overtures are always made by the grooms family. Now I hear they will pay $25,000 for a bride.","BOOTH: That would be the dead bride..","BRENNAN: Booth. You're being very judgmental.","BOOTH: I apologize. I just think it's a little - (Brennan glares at him)","PROF. CHEN: Apparently, they found our bride.","BOOTH: Well, who is she..was she? You know, because she..she's dead.","PROF. CHEN: My sources don't know anything about the bride.","BRENNAN: Well, who got the $25,000?","PROF. CHEN: Most likely, the brides family.","BOOTH: Most likely?","BRENNAN: My understanding is that before the Minghun, the bones are spread throughout the family members and then brought together for the reburial ceremony.","PROF. CHEN: That's correct.","BRENNAN: If you could get me a sample of one of the bones. Could check the DNA, see if it Li Ling Fan?","BOOTH: Do you know where any of these bones are, Professor Chen?","PROF. CHEN: I might know where maybe one bone is being kept.","BRENNAN: If you could get me to a place where I could just look at the bone, you're subjects will never know I was there.","PROF. CHEN: Alright. But you'll have to pretend to be....my girlfriend. (Booth smirks. Prof. Chen then turns to Booth) ..and her brother.","BRENNAN (scoffs): Yeah, right.","(Cut to: House of Mei Zhang - a relative with the dead son's bones)","MEI ZHANG: (in Mandarin) You should have given me more warning that you would be bringing guests into my home.","BRENNAN: What did she say?","PROF. CHEN: Just hospitality stuff.","MEI ZHANG: (in Mandarin) The young woman, she seems very nice and she is very beautiful, but your family would much prefer you find a girl more suitable.","BOOTH: I don't need to speak Chinese to get that. She don't think Bones is good for you.","BRENNAN: You just made that up!","PROF. CHEN: Ah, Nailed on the head.","BOOTH: Ha.","PROF. CHEN: (to Mei Zhang in Mandarin) Perhaps some more biscuits?","(Before heading into the other room, Mei Zhang goes over to Booth and pinches his cheek)","MEI ZHANG: He is... You are very handsome. I've said, Caucasians don't usually look very prosperous but he has very special characteristics.","PROF. CHEN: She said your face has character.","BOOTH: Yeah, well all the older ladies say they like me.","(Brennan gets up and looks on the mantle)","BOOTH (whispering): Bones, what are you doing? Bones. Bones!","BRENNAN (looking through the pots): These are traditional storage pots.","PROF. CHEN: Please, Dr. Brennan. Whatever you find you promised not to disturb it.","BRENNAN: No. I promised not to disrupt your study. Oh!","(She finds the bone she was looking for and throws it towards Booth)","BOOTH: Whoa, what is this? Is that human?","BRENNAN: It's an ilium. Part of the hip bone.","BOOTH: Ah. What am I supposed to do with this?","PROF. CHEN: Dr. Brennan. Quickly, put it back.","(She reaches in her bag and pulls out a replacement bone and puts it back into it's box right as Mei Zhang re-enters the room)","MEI ZHANG (to Prof. Chen in Mandarin): What is she doing?!","BRENNAN (in Mandarin): Your pots are very beautifully made.","BOOTH: Did Bones just speak Chinese?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Bone Room )","BRENNAN: Definitely human. No sign of any cut marks.","BOOTH: Well, is it Li Ling Fan?","BRENNAN: No. It's male.","CAM: So what? You got a part of the groom instead of a piece of the bride?","BOOTH: Bones stole it.","BRENNAN: Uh, not stole: swapped.","BOOTH: From an old Chinese lady's mantle.","BRENNAN: I brought a bunch of chimpanzee bones and pulled the old ah, switchamacallit.","BOOTH: Switcheraroo.","CAM: Whatchamacallit.","BOOTH: Two different things.","BRENNAN: These anomalies...whoever this was died of cancer. I'll get Zack to find the details, but this is definitely not Li Ling Fan.","BOOTH: Maybe it's the groom?","CAM: Makes sense. Especially if this is a - dead people bone marriage thing.","(There is a knock on the doorway - it's Sully)","SULLY: Uh, Temperance? Hey, um, ya got a sec?","BRENNAN: Excuse me.","(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Cat Walk - Sully dangles a set of keys in front of Brennan)","BRENNAN: You bought the boat.","SULLY: Finalized this morning.","BRENNAN: Wait. Sailboats have keys?","SULLY: Well, no. Not, not really. These are the keys to the marina but ya know, it's symbolic.","BRENNAN: Congratulations.","SULLY: So I'm gonna tell you something and I want you to think about it a while before you answer.","BRENNAN: Okay.","SULLY: Well, you say okay, but it takes you microseconds to think things though. So this time I'd appreciate it if you, ah, took a breath 'cause - it's big.","BRENNAN: What is it?","SULLY: I'm headed south, in the boat to the Caribbean.","BRENNAN: When?","SULLY: When this case is done.","BRENNAN: You quit the FBI?","SULLY: No. No, not yet. I'll take a couple of months to get used to the boat. Ya know, really check it out and then I'll start running charters - probably for the Turks & Cacaos which is -","BRENNAN: Your..You're really talking a lot.","SULLY: I know. And I haven't even gotten to the main part. Which is, um, I really, really want you to come with me.","BRENNAN: You do.","SULLY: I do. (he moves closer to her) Look, take a sabbatical. There's more to life than, than corpses and murderers. You know, we do this job for too long, we get warped. I, I can feel it happening already and maybe you can too. Let - Let's run away together. (Brennan just looks at him and gives no reply) Well, ya know. Think about it. (she still doesn't say anything) Wanna hug? (she takes a step back) Okay, no. God, that's, that's a lot - lot to process, so just, ya know, I don't know, ya know let me know when you think that maybe - (she falls into him and hugs him, both seem to not want to let the other one go.) Okay.","**ACT THREE**","(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Angela's Office )","ZACK: Stage three sarcoma, M1 metastasis.","ANGELA: Like Brennan said, caner.","ZACK: Yes. Most likely it spread from prostate or testicular cancer.","ANGELA: So it's definitely a guy.","ZACK: If this is the groom, then he's Chinese. And according to Dr. Shi, most likely related, in some way, to the old lady - who kept him in a pot.","ANGELA: Which should be enough to identify him through hospital records.","(Zack leaves as Cam enters)","CAM: None of Harper's weapons show any sign of being used to dissect a human being. No protein residue even under ALS.","ANGELA: Is there any way to tell what kind of blade was used on the skin?","CAM: Only that it was sharp and straight edged but I did find evidence of toxicity damage to the kidney.","ANGELA: Wait? The victim was poisoned? (Cam nods.) I thought she was beaten to death.","CAM: Well, the bruising could have been a result of Falling's disease. Toxicology identified the toxin as a root called lei gong teng. In small doses, it's an anti-inflammatory. In large - it has another name. Loosely translates as \"walk seven steps and die\". I'll have Booth check out Chinese herbalists.","(As Cam exits, Brennan enters from another door)","ANGELA: Want me to bring you up to date?","BRENNAN: No. (she sits down - looking distraught) I want you to tell me what to do.","ANGELA: About what?","BRENNAN: Sully wants me to run off with him.","ANGELA: Go.","BRENNAN: For a year.","ANGELA: Go.","BRENNAN: He wants to run a charter boat around the Caribbean.","ANGELA: Go.","BRENNAN: He says I should take a sabbatical.","ANGELA: Go. What is the downside? He's a great guy. This is a great idea.","BRENNAN: I'll miss you guys.","ANGELA: Oh, we'll meet you in Barbados. Look. You have been working every day since I met you. It's time to let another part of yourself out into the sun. With a bare chested man and a tropical breeze.","(Brennan and Angela laugh - Zack re-enters the room)","ZACK: William Cheng. Single. Age 27. Died 2 years ago of metastasizing prostate cancer. Great nephew of Mei Zheng.","ANGELA: (looking at his picture) He looks nice.","BRENNAN: (takes the file) Booth will want to talk to his parents. Fine out where they got the female bones in case it's Li Ling Fan.","ANGELA: Listen to me, Brennan. Go. They'll still be murder and mayhem when you get back.","(Cut to: FBI - Observation Room - Brennan & Shi Jon Chen watch as Booth questions two relatives of William Chang)","PROF. CHEN: They're going to know this information came from me. You ruined my study.","BRENNAN: They won't know for sure it was you. Their son's bones are spread all over the city.","PROF. CHEN: They let me in on something very precious to them and now this. I broke the first rule of anthropology - minimize your affect on the study.","BRENNAN: Do you really believe that your study is more important than catching a murderer?","PROF. CHEN: You used to be dedicated to a much larger, timeless, truth. Now you're just a tool for those who have smaller concerns.","(Prof. Chen leaves Brennan alone. She is stunned.)","(Cut to: FBI - Interrogation Room)","BOOTH: You buried your son, William, three years ago. My condolences. (neither parent says anything.) We have, uh, come into possession of one of his bones. You have no idea how this happened? (both parents still say nothing) Maybe you're planning on reburying your son with the bones of a younger woman to provide him love and company in the after life? (both parents continue to remain silent) Well, you see we need to know who this woman is because it's possible that she's a murder victim. (still nothing) You wouldn't want that, would you? (they remain silent - Booth sighs) Okay, well you give me no choice but to get an order of exhumation.","(Cut to: Graveyard. Booth & Brennan watch as the casket is exhumed)","BRENNAN: Sully bought that boat.","BOOTH: Yeah? Ha. Next thing you know he'll be shipwrecked on some island talking to a volleyball.","BRENNAN: He's leaving for the Caribbean.","BOOTH: Really. (she nods) Look, I'm - I'm sorry, Bones. I - I know that the two of you were kinda hittin' it off -","BRENNAN: He wants me to go with him.","BOOTH: (looks a bit thrown) Oh. Oh..yeah...","BRENNAN: He - he says I should take a year off, a sabbatical. He says it'll be fun.","BOOTH: Yeah, it would be.","BRENNAN: But you just said he'd be shipwrecked with a volleyball.","BOOTH: Well, he's got you. He doesn't need the volleyball.","BRENNAN: You think I should go?","BOOTH: (he takes a moment) Yeah. (it's obvious that he wants to say no) Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know it's, uh, one year out of your life, huh? I mean a persons gotta - live wide. And this is kinda narrow.","(The excavator hits the casket- makes a crunching noise)","BOOTH: Oh. The coffin already?","BRENNAN: It can't be. We're only two feet down.","BOOTH: Oh, easy! Careful!","(The coffin is opened up and money comes flying out of it)","BOOTH: Is this fake money?","(Brennan looks down into the coffin)","BRENNNA: There's no body in this coffin.","(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Platform)","HODGINS: There was a body in here. It was removed.","BOOTH: What's with the fake money?","BRENNAN: Chinese tradition. Send a loved one off to the after life well funded - at least symbolically. How long ago was the body removed?","HODGINS: This little darling, this Phaenicia sericata, also known as the common green bottle fly. Now William Chang was buried in January, 3 years ago. Since the green bottle fly is only active in the summer months, I contend he was dug up last July or August. Which allowed maggots to be laid in casket to feast on...","BOOTH: Okay, I got it.","HODGINS: Oh, I can be a lot more specific..","BOOTH: No. No, ya know, \"dug up last summer and distributed to the family\" is specific enough for the FBI.","HODGINS: He would have decomposed quickly. Buried in a pine box. Improperly sealed. Buried only two feet below the surface. Chang should sue that mortuary.","BRENNAN: Because of the shallow burial?","HODGINS: Yeah, and the decomp seepage into the fake money is um, au naturale.","BOOTH: What does that mean?","BRENNAN: The body was not embalmed.","BOOTH: Alright, none of this is helping us solve the mystery of what happened to Li Ling Fan.","BRENNAN: The funeral home was in on it. They wanted the body to decompose as quickly as possible.","HODGINS: Full service mortuary. They perform funerals AND weddings for dead people.","(Cut to: FBI - Booth's Office - Booth & Brennan speak with Joseph Han & his grandson, Nelson Han)","NELSON HAN: Mortuary records show that we buried William Chang in a lead-lined casket. If you found another casket -","BOOTH: Pine box. It was a pine box.","JOSEPH HAN: Obviously, Mr. Chang was dug up and reburied.","BRENNAN: Who embalmed William Chang?","JOSEPH HAN: The records show that, ah, my grandson and I had that honor.","BRENNAN: You're lying.","BOOTH: William Chang was never embalmed.","JOSEPH HAN: But you yourself said there was nothing but fake money in the casket. So how can you tell?","BRENNAN: We can tell from the residue left in the empty casket.","JOSEPH HAN: (he says something to his grandson in mandarin then - ) I'm sorry, but we can not help you.","BOOTH: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mr. - Mr. Han. Please. Sit down. Please just..(the two men sit) Here's what I think, okay. I think that you have some old Chinese traditions alive which are illegal in this country -","BRENNAN: The minghun reburial ceremony.","BOOTH: Well, I'm not concerned about - what I care about is if the bride was murdered.","JOSEPH HAN: Murdered?","BRENNAN: Our understanding is that Mr. Chang's family paid $25,000 for her bones.","BOOTH: And people have killed for much less. So, uh, what part of that , uh, 25 grand came to you?","NELSON HAN: Did the Chang's admit to paying that money?","BRENNAN: No.","BOOTH: We found a cash withdrawal that they can't explain.","JOSEPH HAN: But you are not even certain that William Cheng's minghun bride is this - murdered woman?","BOOTH: No, sir.","BRENNAN: But we can't know for sure that it isn't her without looking at the bones.","JOSEPH HAN: If the bride were not this murdered woman, would you allow the ceremony to proceed?","NELSON HAN: Grandfather!","BOOTH: What ceremony?","(Cut to: Graveyard. They watch as people - including Mei Zhang - place items in the casket for the minghun)","BRENNAN: (to onlookers) We're very sorry to disturb you..","BOOTH: (to onlookers) FBI. I need to see the coffin. (the people start to move out of the way) We're sorry. (to Brennan) Take a look, Bones. Take a look.","BRENNAN: Okay.. (she looks inside) Indications of cancer. I believe this is William Chang. Here's the chimpanzee ilium that I left.","BOOTH: What about the girl?","BRENNAN: Lots of score marks on the bones, congruent with flesh being removed from the skeleton with blades. I believe this is Li Ling Fan.","(They look around - but everyone has left)","BOOTH: Where is everybody? I guess we really broke up the party? Huh?","**ACT FOUR**","(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Platform)","ZACK: Positive I.D. On both sets of remains. William Chang and Li Ling Fan.","ANGELA: Wow. They kinda go together.","CAM: Because they're deceased?","ANGELA: Yeah. But more than that. They're exactly same level of hotness.","CAM: Which is zero because they're skeletons.","ZACK: The cut on the skeletal structure by the removal of soft tissue match the implements the FBI confiscated from the mortuary.","ANGELA: She was ill, and he was ill. It's really too bad they never actually met.","CAM: The mortician's lawyer advised him to clam up. The Chang's now say the $25,000 was used to pay off a family debt.","ANGELA: You ever think they're spirits actually did meet and are working to get their bones together her on the psychical plane?","CAM: You mean like we're possessed and doing their bidding?","ANGELA: (sighs) You know what you people lack? Whimsy. It's a genuine handicap.","CAM: Ther are four mortician's working at that mortuary and a half a dozen assistants.","ZACK: Any one of them could've removed the bones and sank the skin in the river. Personally, I would have cremated the remaining skin and organs.","CAM: No crematorium at that mortuary.","ANGELA: I am gonna draw them a wedding picture.","CAM: Okay. Well, you do that. We should find out who poisoned the victim and arrest him for murder.","ZACK: Probably the, uh, bouncing, flying mail order husband. (he turns back to Angela) Does that count as whimsy?","ANGELA: Well, you're handicapped, Zack. Someone really needs to throw a telethon for you.","(Cut to: Booth and Brennan in a car watching as Sully prepares to meet Harper in the alley)","BRENNAN: How did Sully find Harper so quickly?","BOOTH: He didn't say. You know, Sully's a nice guy.","BRENNAN: You sound condescending.","BOOTH: I'm just trying to be nice, okay? I'm complementing the fact that you got a good one this time.","BRENNAN: Thereby implying I'm incapable of making my own judgments.","BOOTH: The physicist who couldn't tie his shoes? Oh, the former professor who was, uh, jealous of your own success. Should I stop?","BRENNAN: Yes -","BOOTH: Oh, the guy that you found on the Internet and ended up being some kind of recruiter for a cult. Oh, and this is my favorite - the guy who cut off his own brother's head because he thought he was possessed by a witch.","BRENNAN: You made your point.","BOOTH: Look I'm just saying a guy who wants to take you away from all of this on a sailboat - that's a step up.","BRENNAN: Condescending.","(Harper approaches Sully)","BOOTH: That's our guy.","BRENNAN: Okay, So when do we take him off?","BOOTH: Down. We take him down when Sully puts his cap in his back pocket.","(Sully put his cap in his back pocket)","BOOTH: Now. Freeze!","(Harper throws Sully over his shoulder and takes off running)","BOOTH: Freeze! Harper! Geez, I told you he was fast.","BRENNAN: (leaving over Sully) Are you okay?","SULLY: Yeah.","BOOTH: Great. Great. Fine. Sully, you chase him. I'll head him off, Okay?","SULLY: Okay, okay, okay.","(he and Brennan start to chase after Harper. While climbing up the fence in the alley - )","SULLY: Have you thought about my offer?","BRENNAN: Yes.","SULLY: What do you think?","BRENNAN: This is not the time to discuss it.","(They land on the other side of the fence and continue to give chase - Harper keeps alluding them)","SULLY: The guy must be on meth.","BRENNAN: Martial arts.","SULLY: FBI! Freeze right there! (Harper grabs onto something and starts swinging over their heads and escape their capture) I said freeze! Freeze! Damn it! (They start chasing him again and then climbs up a fire escape) What is he, on wires?","(Harper looks down at them and smiles. He thinks he's going to get away until Booth sneaks up behind him and hits him and knocks him down )","BOOTH: He ain't bouncing around anymore now, is he? (Sully and Brennan look up at Booth) See that?","HARPER: I did not kill Ling Fan.","BOOTH: Ah, then why did you keep running away, huh?","HARPER: I'm a criminal, you're police.","SULLY: Ling Fan didn't know anyone, that makes you a good suspect.","BRENNAN: Sell her bones for $25,000.","SULLY: Make up for the loss.","HARPER: What loss?","BOOTH: You paid $25,000 to The Perfect Wife Agency to bring her over. Probably another eight grand for the round trip ticket.","SULLY: That's a lot of knife sales.","HARPER: You people got it completely wrong. Chick doesn't work out, you get a full refund or a swap. I took the money back guarantee.","BRENNAN: Really?","SULLY: Oops.","HARPER: I didn't lose a cent. It's the mail-order agency that's out all that dough.","BRENNAN: What was wrong with her?","HARPER: What?","BRENNAN: Why did you send Ling Fan back?","HARPER: Chick was defective, man. I'm a very active person. She moved slow, like an old lady. (to Booth) You meet the Flying Horse.","BOOTH: Yeah.","HARPER: That is a very good item. Maybe you still want to buy it? I'm gonna need bail money.","(Cut to: FBI \/ Interrogation Room - Booth is interrogating Jackie Burrows while Sully and Brennan watch from the observation room.)","BOOTH: So you wanna know what your first mistake was?","JACKIE: Thinking you wouldn't find out about the refund?","BOOTH: No. Your first mistake was killing Ling Fan. Your second mistake was keeping the poison the you used in your refrigerator. The third mistake was thinking that once we had you that the grandson at the mortuary, Nelson Han, that he wouldn't cooperate. I mean not only did he -","(Sully walks over and turns off the speakers)","SULLY: You know, Booth, uh, is a really good guy.","BRENNAN: He says the same about you.","SULLY: Really? 'Cause I figured he was the one talking you out of going with me.","BRENNAN: No. He told me to go. Angela did too. Everyone thinks it's a great idea.","SULLY: Everyone except you. But you're not gonna go, are you? (She shakes her head no) Why, Brennan? Sailing around warm oceans with someone who loves you? Please. Tell me what is holding you here. Look. I don't - I don't want to sound conceited but, um, I think I'm worth the risk.","BRENNAN: You are. You definitely are.","SULLY: Alright, well, you're the logical one. What's your thinking?","BRENNAN: Rationally- (Brennan exhales) Rationally thinking, I want to go. And I know I should go but...I can't.","SULLY: What you're doing, it's important. But it's not important enough to be your whole life.","(He kisses her and then turns and walks out the door - leaving Brennan alone. She wipes a tear away from her eye as Booth - still in the interrogation room - gives her the thumbs up and leads Jackie out - they got their guy.)","(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Brennan walks up on the platform and sees the skeletons of William Chang and Li Ling Fan laid out - side by side. She pauses to look at them - obviously affected - then heads over to the 'wedding picture' that Angela painted for them and picks it up - tears start to form in her eye again)","(Cut to: The Marina - Sully, on his boat, looks back at Brennan - who is on the docks - and waves. She watches as he goes and waves goodbye back to him. Tears well up in her eyes - saying goodbye to him is hard for her - she really did care about him. As the camera pans, it reveals the name of Sully's boat \"Temperance\". Brennan turns to head home - only to see Booth on the docks behind her)","BRENNAN: What are you doing here?","BOOTH: I'm waving goodbye. See? (he waves)","BRENNAN: What do you want?","BOOTH: Breakfast.","BRENNAN: I'm not hungry.","BOOTH: Oh, come on, huh? What are ya gonna vomit when we come across one of those, uh, horrific cases?","BRENNAN: I don't vomit.","BOOTH: Give it time, Bones, okay? Give it time. Everything happens eventually.","BRENNAN: Everything?","BOOTH: All the stuff, okay, that you think never happens - it happens. You just gotta be ready for it.","(Camera pans out as the two of them continue to walk up the dock together)","(Fade to Black)"],"Show Title":"Bones","Episode Number":"02x16","Episode Title":"The Boneless Bride in the River","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Bones_04x12.json","Recap":["The team investigates the death of female conjoined twins who were in the process of deciding to get separated or not. The twins were working in a circus, which means that Booth will come face to face with a clown during the investigation. Brennan and Booth go undercover as Wanda and Buck Moosejaw, Canadian performers in a knife-throwing act. Sweets helps Brennan and Booth understand Circus lingo."],"Transcript":["\"Double Trouble in the Panhandle\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Opening Scene: Brennan and Booth are walking in an open field, Booth heavily sweating, Brennan checking her GPS)","Booth: That must be them, near that big piece of nothing Brennan: According to my GPS it's about where Texas turns into Oklahoma Booth: Oh great. We're in the middle of a jurisdictional pissing contest. (Booth's out of water) I'm out of water, give me yours. (sees sheriff's) Hey!","Sheriff 1: Hey (short pause) Are you all FBI?","Booth: FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth. (points head at Brennan) this here is Doctor Temperance Brennan from the Jeffersonian.","Sheriff 2: Welcome to Oklahoma ma'am.","Sheriff 1: Welcome to Texas.","Booth: Guys? welcome to the United States of America Brennan: Where are the remains please?","Sheriff 1: Oh right here. (turns around, and they all walk over to the remains)","Brennan: Hardly any flesh left, it's very dry here so I'm guessing the time of death was some months ago.","Sheriff 1: How do you think they died?","Sheriff 2: They left Oklahoma, hit Texas than died of despair Sheriff 1: No they're definitely Oklahomans, if they're from Texas they had sense enough to carry water Brennan: That wouldn't show up in the bones. (Sheriff nods disappointed)","Booth: No clothing....","Brennan: Might have blown away Sheriff 2: Maybe a young couple? some sort of suicide pact?","Brennan: Sub-pubic angle suggest two females Sheriff 1: Oh. Lesbian suicide pact.","Sheriff 2: Definitely Texans then.","Brennan: The victims are Pygopagus, or some would say Illeopagus Booth: What's that?","Sheriff 2: Greek?","Brennan: Conjoined twins Sheriff 1: What's that?","Sheriff 2: Siamese twins Brennan: The point of attachment is posterior Booth: Joined at the ass Sheriff 1: (laughs) Definitely Texans Sheriff 2: So what do we got here doc?","Booth: Well...it's a federal case boys, FBI will take jurisdiction (both sheriffs nod disappointed)","(Scene fading out)","(Cut to the lab, Brennan and Vincent Nigel-Murray are examining the body)","Vincent: Conjoined twin births occur one every 85000 births, the same frequency as hermaphroditic births.","Cam: Oh Mr. Nigel-Murray, we've so missed your insights.","Vincent: Thank you.","Cam: Why weren't the remains dispersed by scavengers?","Brennan: Well the depression on the earth suggested that they were buried in an extremly shallow grave. The remains were spotted by an oil survey team from a helicopter.","Vincent: Begging\/Breaking the question what exposed the bones. (Angela enters platform)","Angela: Well...there was a sandstorm in that area eight days ago. Sustained winds of sixty miles per hour. Gustav about eighty.","Brennan: They're molars have not completely emerged and route development is incomplete.","Vincent: Indicating that the victims were between 19 and 21 years of age.","Angela: Guys? Hello? Id-ing them is not going to be a problem. How many sets of conjoined twins can there be?","Vincent: (thinking) uhm. Over the last fivehundred years approximately sixhundred sets, over seventy percent woman.","Cam: I did not expect him to know that.","Vincent: Well...all facts are useful, it's just the context that shifts.","Angela: I bet I could just go search missing siamese twins and find them in like ten minutes.","Cam: By all means, give it a shot.","Vincent: the victims had to separate spinal coloms fused distally at the lower sacral level extending to the pelvis, no other vertebral anomalies.","Brennan: Neither one of them could have survived the death of the other.","Vincent: So murder-suicide, suicide-murder or vice versa.","Brennan : That was vice versa. (Nigel looks confused, Hodgins enters the platform)","Hodgins: Soil beneath the skeletons was full of weirdness, quite a bit of decomposed cotton.","Brennan: We didn't see any fabric.","Hodgins: Wow it's decomposed very cheap stuff too, I think they were wrapped in a sheet.","Cam: Naked wrapped in a sheet, Sweets will have to say something about that Hodgins: Also I found soil dwelling Mite Genus Arrenurus, the nearest place they could have picked soil mites was hundreds of miles away. And decomposed popcorn.","Cam: They were killed at the movies?","Hodgins: I have a theory Vincent: The circus Hodgins: (Looking at Vincent) Kind of stole my thunder there. But yeah, yeah the travelling circus. (Angela appears)","Angela: I found them Cam: Already? (Angela shows them an animation of the circus, a poster pops up picturing conjoined twins Jenny and Julie van Owen.","Angela: Hah!","Cam and Angela: The circus Vincent: (smiling) The circus Hodgins: (smiling as well) The circus Vincent: Abacadabra was first uttered to cure hay fever. (They all look impressed)","(Cut to: Brennan and Booth in Sweets office)","Sweets: Conjoined twins wrapped in a sheet?","Booth: According to Hodgins.","Sweets: It would help to know how they were wrapped.","Brennan: Well...All the evidence has gone with the wind Sweets: No other clothing?","Brennan: According to Hodgins Booth: The murderer didn't want anyone to identify them from their clothes Sweets: They're conjoined twins, you might as well bury them with their driver's licences in their hands. Wrapped naked bodies often indicate a careful burial or of course sexual assault Booth: Ok you know? that's uhmm. That's creepy (stands up) We gotta get going there Sweets Sweets: Where?","Booth: Texas, that's where the circus is.","Sweets: (Standing up as well) Uhhhhh. Circus folk are extremely tight lipped and close nip. They won't tell you anything.","Brennan: How do you know?","Sweets: I...you know...I've read articles.","Booth: you're the worst liar I've ever met. You read articles?","Brennan: Even I know he's lying.","Sweets: Okay. I'm adopted. You know what? My story isn't important here.","Booth: No It's very important, go ahead.","Sweets: I...... (sighs) When I reached the age of majority (Brennan sits down again) I tried to find my birth mother, a psychic who worked in the circus and carnaval circuit in Florida.","Booth: Bio-mom is\/was a carnie Sweets: Let's stay on track. The point is no one would talk to me.","Booth: Were you wearing a suit?","Sweets: You'll be wearing a suit and they won't open up to you either. I'm just trying to be helpful here.","Brennan: I suspect Sweets is right. I studied a carnaval for 6 weeks as research for my cultural anthropology dissertation. No one would tell me anything, even though I became quite adept on the highwire.","Booth: Fine if they're gonna talk to their own, we will go undercover.","Sweets: What?","Brennan: If we're joining the circus we'll need an act, I...I'm quite adept on the highwire.","Booth: No you know what? We'll have a knife throwing act.","Brennan: I can't throw knives.","Booth: I can. I had the best knife-skills in the rangers.","Brennan: Are we going to join the circus.","Booth: We are gonna join the circus","(Theme Song)","(Brennan and Booth in a car, Booth's driving)","Booth: So we're gonna talk to the twins mother here in Forth Worth and than pick up our mobile home. And we'll join the circus right outside Waco.","Brennan: Our mobile home?","Booth: Yeah Bones, circus folks crisscross the country in a mobile home. I have the field office here painting up something special for us.","Brennan: Is that all you need to get a job at the circus, a mobile home?","Booth: You know what? It's gonna help, it's showy, showpeople.","Brennan: It's always possible we'll talk to the girls mother and solve this whole case tonight right?","Booth: Hope not.","Brennan: hah?","Booth: huh?","(At the mother's home)","Mother: I should have never let those girls leave this home, worst thing that can happen to a mother isn't it? Finding out that you outlived your child, unnatural.","Brennan: except for societies with high infant mortality rates Booth: My understanding is that you tried to sue the circus several time mrs. Van Owen Dell: It's mrs. Hicks.","Mother: Dell Hicks is my husband, and my lawyer. Dell helped me sue the circus for.","Dell: Loss of income, alienatien of affection, civil right's abuses, animal abuses, improper hiring, emotional distress, mental anguish.","Booth: Any of these go to court?","Dell: It's just a matter of time agent Booth.","Booth: You really hated that circus.","Mother: They stole my daughters. I'll do anything to get back to them for that.","Brennan: When did you last see your daughters?","Dell: Four months ago.","Mother: They told us to but out of their lives.","Dell: Jenny did.","Mother: If one of the girls wanted something it was the same as both wanting it.","Dell: If Jenny wanted something they both wanted it. It didn't matter what Julie wanted.","Brennan: I took a look at the remains and I had to wonder if you ever considered having them surgically seperated.","Mother: It was to dangerous.","Brennan: I disagree Dell: So did Jenny and Dr. Muir.","Mother: Well Julie and I thought it was to dangerous.","Brennan: Your daughters disagreed on whether or not they should be seperated?","(silence)","Booth: Is dr. Muir's office here in Forth Worth.","(Cut to dr. Muir's office)","Dr. Muir: I'm sure you understand that my responses to your questions about the van Owen sisters is somewhat tempered by patients privilege.","Booth: They're murder victims, patient privilege no longer applies.","Dr. Muir: Oh yes. Of course. I've never had a patient murdered before.","Brennan: You thought that the twins could safely be seperated?","Dr. Muir: Yes.","Brennan: I agree Dr. Muir: As did Jenny but Julie and her mother disagreed, she and her ambulance chaser husband tried to sue me.","Booth: So...How did you leave things?","Dr. Muir: Well in the end it didn't matter what the rest of us thought, Julie and Jenny were gonna have to come to an agreement.","Brennan: I wonder if they thought they could continue to work in the circus if they were seperated.","Dr. Muir: Well, they both loved the circus. Jenny told me once they had some ideas on how to expand their act.","Booth: Sounds like Jenny was the bossy one and Julie was a little nicer.","Dr. Muir: They were like any other sisters, they had distinct personalities and strength (silence) If there's anything I can do to help the FBI Booth: Tell you what? Why don't you send the records to the FBI in washington.","Dr. Muir: Why can't you simply take them with you?","Booth: We have another appointment.","Brennan: Thank you for your cooperation.","(Cut to a riding trailer)","Brennan (katherine hepburn accent): The FBI did a wonderful job with this trailer.","Booth: Ok. Just loose the Katherine Hepburn voice.","Brennan:I'm just trying to find my character, you know acting.","Booth: Don't it sounds ridicolous, okay Bones?","(the trailer stops)","Booth: What's my name there Wanda?","Brennan: It's written right there on the side of the truck. Which \"high wire\" is not.","Booth: It's just sometimes you get irritated and you say \"Booth\" without thinking.","Brennan: I don't do anything without thinking ever, Buck.","(together they walk into the circus tent. Inside the circus folks are practising their acts. Booth and Brennan stand In front of the circus owner Henry Simon)","Henry: Buck and Wanda and their knived of death huh? Never heard of you.","Booth: Well we worked the pacific north-west; Canada, Alaska.","Henry (looking at Brennan): I guess that makes you the beautiful assistant than?","Brennan: Yes, Wanda. I'm also quite adept on the high wire.","Henry: I got to admit it would be nice to have a knife throwing act around.","Booth: well, folks they love a little danger. (flips a knife with his hands)","Henry: So what's your thing?","Booth: Our thing?","Henry: Yeah your gimmick, you know? Cowboy and Indian princess, Pirate and kidnapped princess, Jack the ripper and...princess.","Brennan: We're russian Booth: Or they cowboy and Indian princess thing?","Henry: No no no, the russian thing sounds good.","Booth: It does.","Henry: Yeah.","Booth: Yeah Ok yeah, we are RUSKA. (holds up knife)","Henry: Alright. Why don't you do the first show for free and if I like you than we'll talk famen. (Booth throws 2 knifes and Brennan looked at him impressed)","Brennan (impressed) Wow. (Henry looks u) You ain't seen nothing yet.","Henry: Lavelle? (booth sighs) You two ain't the first of may are ya?","Brennan: No in fact we are not the first of may Booth: we are no first of may, we're no first of may. (Lavelle appears)","Henry: This is Lavelle, he's our 24-hour man. Lavelle meet Buck and Wanda Moosejaw, they do a barber act.","Lavelle: Moosejaw? What are you Indian?","Booth: Canadian Henry: Lavelle'll show you where to park your digs. You can get ready for the show.","Lavelle: Any good?","Booth: How about that (points at the knives he just threw)","Lavelle: Hell, being able to do something well doesn't make you any kind of a showman.","Brennan: Oh, we'll show people alright? You will be a mess.","(brennan and booth enter their trailer)","Booth (annoyed): Russian? You had to pick russian?","Brennan: I know Brilliant right? It just popped into my head Booth: You know what? Don't pop things Bones. (booth is trying to call Sweets and he picks up) Sweets! What the hell is a first of may?","Sweets: A newbie, a rookie.","Brennan: Why would a little person be referred to as a 24-hour man?","Sweets: Oh, had a little trouble with the lingo huh? He is the advanced person, he goes to town ahead of the circus and sets everything up. If you like I could e-mail you a lexicon.","Brennan: I would certainly appreciate that.","Sweets: Sure. Uhm...Can I offer a piece of advice?","Booth: Well...That's why we called you Sweets.","Sweets: Don't try too hard to be their friends, act like you're more interested in each other than any of them alright? They will come to you.","Brennan: Okay. Thanks Sweets.","Booth: So uhm, s*x right? (silence)","Brennan: Oh, good idea.","Booth: Okay.","Brennan: What I think we need to do is get a synco-pated rythym going that takes adventage of the natural frequency of the springs. (they use their hands to bounce against the walls of the trailer, resulting in a creaking sound.)","Booth: wo wo wo, wait, wo. Are you this spontanious during real s*x?","Brennan: yes I am.","(they look at each other awkwardly and continue the bouncing.)","(Lavelle and Henry standing outside)","Lavelle: What do you think?","Henry: I hope they're as good outside the trailer as they are in.","Lavelle: I give'em good marks for staying power.","(Lavelle and Henry are sitting in the tent, going through the paper work)","Henry: I don't know Lavelle: I can try","(Booth enters the tent)","Henry: Getting settled in Moosejaw?","Booth: Yup. Nice tent, very...","Henry: It's a piece of crap Lavelle: Let's pray there's no wind or rain. Hate for it to collapse on paying customers.","Henry: Is there something we can help you with?","Booth: Aim me at the Van Owen sisters.","Lavelle: The Van Owen sisters?","Booth: Yeah. Sisters. Jugglers. Julie and Jenny. Joined at the hip. Literally Lavalle (laughs): Yeah funny. How'd you know them?","Booth: We worked a carnie in Alaska together last year. Nice kids. They said they were coming down to work at .....","Henry: I'm afraid you missed them, Julie and Jenny they, they moved on (to Lavelle) when was it Lavelle?","Lavelle: uhm after Petersburg weren't it Brennan(calling out): Buck???","Booth: Wanda, Julie and Jenny don't work here anymore.","Brennan: Where did they go?","Henry: You know what? I think I got a note in here somewhere from when they left (gives Brennan the note)","Brennan: \"thanks for everything. We loved working here and we live all of you but we've decided to take another direction in our lives. You'll always be family. Love, Julie and Jenny\"","Booth: That didn't sound like them Henry: It sounds like Julie Booth: Not Jenny.","Brennan: well maybe they were forced to leave under duress Lavelle: Listen to the five dollar words the target can use.","Booth: She likes to read the dictionary.","Lavelle: Tough girl Jenny Henry: The rubes sure love them Brennan: them quitting probably hurt your box office.","Henry: Sweetheart, I got nothing but trouble at the box office.","Brennan: I'm sure we'll run into the girls somewhere or another. There's not many circuses anymore right?","Lavellle: Food's ready to mestant, If you two can drag yourselved out of your trailer, I'll introduce you to the rest of the gang Booth: duressed? You are smart... (sarcastic)","Brennan: Just because I'm in a carnaval - Booth: oh forget it, Brennan (continued):doesn't mean I can't read books and have a good vocabulaire","(Cut to: The Lab, Cam and Nigel are watching a movie where Jenny and Julie perform their knife juggling act, they look bored)","Cam: Is it more impressive that they can do that joined at the hip, or less?","Vincent: Twins die an average of ten years apart, even when they're genetically identical Cam: Not helpful Vincent: X-rays from the girls doctor in Dallas. Ok, notice the anti mortem bone lesion in the carpel capitate suggesting a stab wound on the hand.","Cam: did you see the video? They were juggling machetes Hodgins: I found particulates of magnesium carbon on both girls. (to vincent) Do you have any fascinating trivia on that subject?","Vincent: One mans trivia is another mans wisdom.","Hodgins: The choque used in flooring, fire prooving, cosmetics, toothpaste and laxidants.","Vincent: obviously we are on the lookout for a clean tooth, eyeshadow wearing, constipated contractor.","Hodgins (disbelief): Wow Angela: Hey, Brennan send a photograph of the note the twins left at the circus.","Cam: How long will it take you to analyze it?","Angela: I found something pretty interesting just by looking at it. (the note appears on the tv screen) (to vincent) you said Jenny was the left-handed twin.","Vincent: Yes Angela: Correct. The smudges and the slangs on the letter indicate that the note was written by the left-handed twin Vincent: On a standard keyboard there are over 3000 words that can be touch typed with the left hand alone.","Cam: It's not typed, it's handwritten.","Angela: How many can be typed with the right hand?","Vincent: 450. Thank you ever so much for asking me.","Cam: Please don't encourage him.","Angela: the point is; Jenny was signed with the right hand while Julie signed the note with the left. (everyone looks quizzical) This note was obviously not written by them, guys. It's fake.","(cut to the circus. Brennan and Booth are walking to a table with their food. Booth sees clowns)","Booth: ooohhh. Okay. Look at them...clowns.","Brennan: The psychiatric term for fear of clowns is coulrophobia.","Booth: It's not fear, it's hate. Okay? Big difference. (To Henry who's also sitting at one of the tables) You mind?","Henry: Sure have a seat, Buck, Wanda, this is Magnum the strong man and this is Madame Nina (Camera shows to faces)","Brennan: Oh. Are those your legal names?","Madame Nina: Is Wanda yours?","Lavelle: Buck and Wanda, they knew Jenny and Julie.","Magnum: I miss those girls.","Madame Nina: We all do.","Henry: Not the clowns.","Booth: Why is that?","Madame Nina: The girls were trying a new act. They borrowed some of the clowns' equipment without asking.","Henry: You know what? They should have stuck to juggling.","Madame Nina: They were just trying to help save the circus.","Magnum: but they wanted more time in front of the audience.","Madame Nina: Not Julie. She wanted to spend more time with her boyfriend.","Booth: Julie had a boyfriend?","Brennan: But her sister was literally right beside her all the time.","Magnum: People can't help who they fall in love with.","Henry: You fall in love with an outsider, that's the end of the circus life.","Booth: Who was it?","Madame Nina: He was a gillie.","Booth(whispering to Brennan): What's a gillie?","Brennan (whispering back): A gillie is an outsider.","(Cut to Brennan and Booth in their trailer. Talking to the lab through the webcam)","Brennan: So one of the girls had a boyfriend. (annoyed) Booth you're sitting in my clothes.","Booth: I'm sorry but it's kind of thight in here.","Brennan: Which is why you shouldn't throw your underwear on the floor.","Booth: it fell.","Brennan: Don't blame gravity for a lack of tidiness.","Cam: Is there only one bed there?","Hodgins: Oh. Can we please hit rewind. One of the girls had a boyfriend?","Brennan: Yes.","Hodgins: Only one of them? (laughs) I mean. How did they? You know when they're? I just don't see physically how they...","Booth: Okay look. That's not the issue.","Brennan: Just take that image out of your mind and pretend their seperate individuals and ask yourself if you found anything that suggested a relationship. (Hodgins is looking confused)","Booth: Hodgins?","Hodgins: huh? Yeah sorry. Still working on the mind picture eradication thing.","Brennan: Did you find anything on one of the sisters that you didn't find present on the other.","Hodgins: uhh...yeah actually...yeah I did. A residue of polyelectrolyte polymers under the fingernails of Julie and not Jenny. It was polyfenal pyrrolidone.","Brennan: What is that? Make-up?","Hodgins: It's not make-up it's hairgel. Seems like Julie was running her fingers through someone's hair.","Booth: Julie was the one with the boyfriend?","Brennan: Can you identify a brand?","Hodgins: No. But it would smell a lot like sandalwood.","Booth: Oh. Smooth shore power hold.","Hodgins: Hmmm yes. That's definitely on the list of possible products, yeah.","Booth: Dr. Muir was wearing a ton of hairgel that smelled just like sandelwood (Brennan looks surprised) What? Son of a barber, I know my traditional hairproducts.","Brennan: So Julie was having an affair with Dr. Muir?","Booth: Tell you what? If we leave now we can question him and be back in a couple of hours.","Brennan: No!!! Not in this thing and we have a show, we can't be late.","Booth: We're not circus performers okay? We solve murders.","Brennan: Yeah, we're undercover murder solvers and if we don't make it back in time we'll blow our cover.","Booth: Tell you what? I will search for a faster vehicle. But first I gotta scavenge some russian you know some russian costumes because somebody said we did a russian act.","Brennan: It was a great idea.","Cam: Dr. Brennan? If you do have to perform any chance you can set up a webcam so we could watch? You know to see if we might be of any help with the case I mean.","Brennan: Yeah absolutely. Anything to help.","(Cam keeps her hand in front of the webcam and gives Hodgins the thumbs up. He smiles)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(cut to: Brennan and Booth on a motercycle)","Booth: Did you bring our real clothes?","Brennan: Yes they're in the bag. Where did you learn to drive this thing?","Booth: You're kidding me right? I'm a cop.","Brennan: We should really talk about our act.","(cut to: Vincent is examining the bones)","Vincent: Two complementary fractures on each of the victims craniums.","Cam: Like their heads were cracked together?","Vincent: Interesting fact.","Cam: Yes but is it pertinent?","Vincent: Indeed. In the fraternity of forensic anthropologists these are known as \"kissing fractures\"","Cam: So heads knocked together is the cause of death?","Vincent: Little known fact; There were actually six men known as the three stooges Cam: So we're going with the three stooges as the cause of death?","Vincent: Such would be my inclination.","Cam: I'll let you pass that nugget on to dr. Brennan when you tell her about the fractures","(Cut to: Brennan and Booth in dr. Muirs office)","Dr.Muir: I already send off the girls' medical records. I'm not sure how else I can help you.","Brennan: I want to run my fingers through your hair Dr.Muir: Why?","Brennan: to prove you were in a sexual relationship with Julie van Owen Dr. Muir: And running your fingers through my hair will prove that?","Brennan: yup.","Booth: I'll tell you what, look Dr. Brennan up on the internet. She's getting pretty famous for this kind of stuff.","Dr. Muir: You're not gonna understand this.","Booth: You had a threesome?","Dr. Muir: Absolutely not. I dated Jenny first and then I fell in love with Julie, and Jenny didn't really like that.","Brennan: That's why he recommended seperating the twins.","Dr. Muir: No that's not true. My recommendation was totally objective.","Booth: Maybe the mother found out and sued his whole life away?","Dr. Muir: which is the only reason we kept the relationship a secret.","Brennan: Relationship? Sexual relationship?","Booth: How? When you were...I'm trying to understand...when you and Julie...","Dr. Muir: The girls had seperate genitalia, a fair amount of privacy could be achieved by an eye mask and an mp3 player turned up really loud. Julie liked the \"Kings of Leon\", Jenny like \"Maroon 5\"","Brennan: The American medical association is going to take away your license.","Booth: that's a motive for murder.","Brennan: We should arrest him.","Dr.Muir: On what charges?","Booth: Definitely positive on the suspicion of murder thing. You know the other thing is just...eh...it's a little confusing.","(cut to: Brennan and Booth on the motorcycle. They're on their way back to the circus)","Brennan: Can you go faster? We'll miss the show.","Booth: No we're great in time Bones. Alright? Relax. (Booth's phone rings) A little help there Bones, Phone's ringing and I'm kind off busy. (Brennan reaches into Booth's pocket)","Brennan: Shouldn't we talk about our act? We need costumes Booth: We're not needing the russian costumes, we're dropping the act.","Brennan: What? You can throw knives I thougth!","Booth: Yeah I know we can but we caught the bad guy. We don't need to go undercover. (Brennan is still reaching for the phone in Booth's pocket) What are you doing? Digging for loose change?","Brennan: Oh. Got it. (she flips the phone open) Special Agent Booth's phone, Dr. Temperance Brennan speaking. Dallas field office, it's for you Booth: of course it is, it's my phone. Well...than ask them what they want\/","Brennan: What is this about please? They say all of Dr. Muirs alibi's checked out and that they can't hold him for murder.","Booth: He didn't kill the twins?","Brennan: He couldn't have driven all the way to the Texas\/Oklahoma border during that time...Now can we talk about our act? I do know a few words in russian Booth: Oh no.","(cut to: The Jeffersonian, inside Angela's office)","Angela: Vincent provided me with the approximate forces that would take to the cause kissing fractures to the twins' skulls Vincent: Approximately 300 pounds plus square inch, which is by the way the same as a pitbull bite.","Cam: were they attacked by a pitbull?","Angela: Not a likely scenario. No.","Cam: See how this works Mr. Nigel-Murray. A kind of mental winnow proces.","Angela: Ok. Scenario number one; whiplash.","Vincent: no.","Angela: no?","Vincent: There'd be evidence of trauma in the vertabrae as well.","Cam: Excellent mental winnow Angela: Okay, scenario number two; a fall.","Vincent: No the rest of the skeleton would have shown evidence of a fall.","Angela: Alright, scenario number three; resulted seperably by a weapon.","Vincent: That's possible.","Angela: No actually it's not.","Cam: Why not?","Angela: Because the wounds are absolutely symmetrical here. (points to computer screen that shows the fractures on both girls' cranium) The possibility of an assailant striking them seperately at the exact angle with the exact same force that ain't gonna happen. Okay...well, the heads could've been conked together.","Cam: There'd be evidence on the soft tissue of the face.","Angela: No there was no soft tissue left.","Vincent: What if the blunt instrument was soft?","Angela: Like a pillow? Oh wait a second...Clown props.","Cam: I'll call Booth and dr. Brennan.","Angela: Nice.","Vincent: When Cortez conquerred the Aztecs clowns were among the many treasures he carried back to Clement VII Angela: Thank you. That's......(she sighs)","(Cut to: The circus terrain, Booth stands in front of the trailer, he's dressed up. Lavelle approaches him.)","Lavelle: You ready?","Booth: Yes, ready to throw knives at beautiful woman Lavelle: Not at I hope.","Booth: Right. No, of course. Around her. (the trailer opens and Brennan steps outside. She's dressed up as well) Wow Wanda,you...you look..wow.","Brennan: You to Boris.","Booth: You make beautiful Natasha.","Lavelle (laughs): You act like this is the first time you've done this.","Booth: Well, we like to keep things fresh.","Lavelle: As so I've seen. (he walks away)","Brennan: So I stand against a board right with balloons around me and you pop them with your razor sharp knives.","Booth: Right, unless we do our actual jobs and find the murder weapon.","Brennan: What's with the mustache?","Booth: It totally had a nice russian form.","Brennan: it looks like a small animal.","(cut to: Brennan and Booth going to items that belong to the clowns)","Brennan: There's a giant plastic ice-cream cone, a giant plastic shoe, a giant plastic phone, a giant plastic plier.","Tumbles: ho ho ho, wanna tell me what you're doing here?","Booth: What you're gonna play tough? You're clowns. I throw knives.","Clown 2: Let's kick his ass Booth: Bring it on Bozo.","Brennan: Oh. We're just looking for a prop, that's all. Buck here is gonna knock this nose of my head with a knife.","Tumbles: Why does everyone think the clown stuff is there for everyone. This is our stuff.","Clown 2: Let's kick his ass you guys.","Brennan: traditionally clowns are fun-loving and anarchistic, you are rigid and humorless.","Clown 2: Let's kick both their asses.","Booth: You better have your biggest ass kicking shoes on. (henry appears)","Henry: Stop. You wanna have a clam, that's your business. But after the show. (They look at each other) Tumbles I'm serious Tumbles: Let's go guys.","Booth: not so funny now ain't Tumbles.","Henry: That's enough Moosejaw. We're lining up. You two damn well better be ready.","Brennan: I'm ready, how about you?","Booth: You know ready, (he turns around and accidentally hits brennan with the hammer) Oh god Bones.","Brennan: My eye Booth: Are you okay?","Brennan: I'm okay.","Booth: We can't do the show now.","Brennan: What? No! the show must go on Booth: Says who?","(Cut to: The circus. The show is about to start Henry: Ladies and Gentleman and children of all ages, welcome to Binghams Circus of Wonders, the most sensational, death-defying one ring spectacular on earth.","The performers appear and the crowd is clapping and cheering. The opening act is started. Brennan and Booth walk into the tent as Natasha and Boris. Brennan is waving enthusiatically Brennan: They're clapping for us Boris, smile Boris and wave. Show them your knives. Come on, where's the Buck Moosejaw I married. (Booth finally does as told and he and Brennan are showing the knives)","(Cut to: Booth standing near the tent, Brennan appears)","Brennan: Hey...hey? I got preps Booth: props for what?","Brennan: preps, objects for you to throw knives at.","Booth: No, you will stand against the board still. I am going to throw knives around you but not too close.","Brennan: That does not sound like a very good act. I'm sure the crowd is expecting a lot more than that Booth: There is no act. There's just me trying not to kill you Brennan: You said you were very good trained in knife throwing skills by the military Booth: I am very good, but it's you I'm concerned for.","Brennan: If you say you're skilled than I have no reason to- (Brennan stops because Magnum appears)","Magnum: You know it's not good for Barbers to fight before the show, those things are sharp.","Booth: Let's just get through this alright? Mrs. Moosejaw Brennan: Okay.","Booth: Look at them, Clowns are using these fake barbles. One of them could have knocked the twins and smashed their heads together.","Brennan: The bar joining the foam...","Booth: they're clowns, they have their ways.","(The clown act is over and Lavelle walks over to them)","Lavelle: You're up.","Henry: And now direct from their triumphant tour of Europe and the Far East. Binghams Circus of Wonders is proud to present the razor sharp skills of the most thrilling, the most breathtaking, the most dangerous knife throwing skills in the world. Boris and Natasha and their Russian Knives of Death.","(Cut to: The lab, the squints are following the show on the computer)","Angela: What's up with Brennan's eye Hodgins: Eyepatch. It looks very rakish.","Cam: plus she only has to be half as scared","(Cut to: The circus tent)","Booth: Bones just keep your arms outstretched like this okay? Be very, very still.","Brennan: Okay. Shouldn't the balloons be closer to my body.","Booth: Not if you want to live.","Brennan is positioned between the balloons and Booth takes of his coat. The audience is still laughing and cheering. Booth starts to throw the knives and the balloons pop as they are hit by the knives. Everyone in the lab is clapping and cheering. Brennan steps away from the board and Booth enthusiastically uses his voice to produce a hard low sound.","Booth: Natasha's balloons are no match for Boris' knives of death. Brennan walks over to him and Booth keeps making the sound and Brennan walks to a bag and takes out a tomato props. She shows it to the people and they all yell. Everyone in the lab looks confused, as does Booth who has no idea what she's doing. Brennan positions herself against the board with the prop tomato on top of her head.","Brennan: Boris (says something russian) spill the life of your (says something russian again). Booth looks confused, and makes some sounds. Brennan points at the tomato with one finger.","Booth: Definitely. Everyone in the lab looks confused.","Hodgins: Are they sure they know what they're doing? Booth hesitates and finally throws the knife. The knife ends up in the tomato. Everybody is clapping and cheering including the lab and Henry. Brennan walks over to Booth and they make a bow together.","Brennan: You reall are as good as you said. You should try a blindfold.","Booth: Says the half blind woman. Brennan walks back to the bag and takes out a fake clown nose and shows it to the audience. Booth looks surprised. Everyone at the lab looks surprised as well. Brennan wears the fake nose and stands against the board once more.","Cam: Is it me or does she seem a little to in to this?","Sweets: Well, there is of course a sexual component to an act of this sort, the knife representing th-","Cam: We get it Sweets: Dr. Brennan is showing remarkable trust and willingness Booth is nervously pacing around.","Man in the audience: Be careful Buck she only got one eye left. People laugh, Booth is waiting to throw the knife, everyone holds their breath. Booth throws the knife...........and it hits the fake nose. Brennan gasps. Everyone is cheering and clapping louder than before. The squints laugh and clap as well. Booth shows his knives to the crowd one last time.","Henry: Well how about that? Let's hear it for them folks, Boris the brave and the knee knockingly lovely Natasha.","Brennan: Come on Boris.","Henry: Let them hear it folks. Brennan and Booth stand behind the curtain.","Brennan (enthusiastically): They loved us! You were great. Superb hand eye coordination, Buckie.","Booth: I could have killed you.","Brennan: Therein lies the excitement for the spectators They look through the curtain and they see magnum.","Henry(announcing): -Superstrong mighty magnum!","Booth: My god.","Brennan: What?","Booth: Magnum, look. They both look. An acrobat is launched by Mangnum, he lands on top of the other acrobat.","Brennan: He definitely has the upped body strength to swing the foam barbell hard enough to cause those fractures. Henry(talking to the audience) check out those arms of steel. Brennan and Booth walk out of the tent. They see Magnum sitting at a table.","Booth: Hey there, big guy. You got a minute?","Magnum: For what?","Booth: I want to ask you a question about my friends, Julie and Jenny.","Magnum: Look, this is getting old. I told you they were here, they left that's all I know. Check with some other circuses maybe.","Brennan: They're dead, but you knew that didn't you?","Magnum: Dead? What are you talking about?","Booth: Their heads were smashed together. Weren't they Magnum. He runs away, booth follows him. He pushes against a big pole, it goes down and a net lands on top of Booth and Brennan.","Booth: Jeez. That guy is strong.","Brennan: He is called a strongman Booth: Can you help me get out of it?","Brennan: I'm trying to get out. Booth and Brennan are inside their trailer, Booth is on the phone. Brennan is talking to Cam and Vincent on the webcam. Booth (into his phone) Look I wanna put a BOLO on this guy right away. Magnum the Strongman, real name; Norman van Clock. Of course he's big, he's a strongman. Look...he's wearing a tank top that says Magnum it shouldn't be too hard.","Brennan(to Booth): Mr. Nigel-Murray found some additional bone anomalies. (To vincent) Can you explain?","Vincent: Anomalies from the greek anomalias-","Cam: I think we could move this along a bit faster Mr. Nigel-Murray.","Vincent: I found slight longitude north fractions on the distal end of all four lower leg Bones, and stress fractures on the cuboids.","Brennan: Fractures to the lower leg and feet.","Booth: Does this guy torture them first? You know rubber hose to the feet.","Vincent: That wouldn't have been consistent with the injuries, which are isolated to those specific areas.","Brennan: Can you send me the X-rays?","Vincent: The X-rays-","Cam: They're on their way.","Vincent: I was more than capable telling her that.","Cam: I was afraid you'd start talking about Wilhelm Conrad Rontgen, and the discovery of the X-ray.","Vincent: November the 8th 1895 an image of his wife's hand Cam: I rest my case. By the way we all loved your show.","Brennan: oh thank you! Did you hear the cheering?","Booth: Yeah, that was all for me.","Cam: Booth was undeniably good.","Brennan: However he's not as imaginative as far as the act goes.","Booth: Look. There's a difference between imagination and tempting faith.","Brennan: I'm just asking for a little flair.","Booth: Flair? You want flair?","Cam: Can I ask about the eye?","Booth: No (he flips the laptop shut)","Brennan: I was thinking I could wear a head of fruit, and than you could slice to each fruit while-","Booth: Bones, it's over. No more undercover. The act...it's over. (after a silence) We have to go question the other performers.","Brennan: Right...","(Cut to: Brennan and Booth inside the circus tent, Henry and Lavelle walk up to them)","Henry: Hey, you two wanna explain what happened to Magnum?","Brennan: He trapped us in the net.","Lavelle: For no reason?","Booth: We asked him about the twins Henry: Asked what?","Brennan: If he knew anything about how they died (everyone steps closer including the clowns)","Tumbles: You want us to take care of this.","Henry: Settle. Who are you people.","Booth (flashing his badge): FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth Brennan: And dr. Temperance Brennan of the Jeffersonian institution.","Booth: Okay euhhh...The van Owen twins were murdered. Our prime suspect right now is Magnum.","Brennan: He had the reckons at strength. (the circus people walk away from them)","Lavelle: Magnum never killed anyone Booth: People can you please come back now. (to Henry) Can you tell them to get back?","Henry: None of us are gonna help you.","Brennan: Don't you care what happened to the twins.","Henry: you aren't one of us.","Lavelle: You don't get it do you? How could you you're gillies Brennan: No we're not gillies, our act was good.","Lavelle: Yeah. You're gillies.","Booth: Right.","Brennan: We have no case.","Booth: Yeah we will when we bring Magnum in.","Brennan: We have no definitive forensics tying him or anyone else to the murder.","Booth: Yeah you will. When you get back to the lab you'll find evidence, the boniest maximus will have his initials on it or something. (Brennan looks up)","Brennan: I really was pretty good on the high wire. (Booth looks up) I'm gonna try it.","Booth: Up there? Now? Wait a second Bones, you'll fall, it's too high.","Brennan: There's a net Booth: you got now depth perception, you got a patch on your eye. You won't be able to see.","Brennan: No, it's more a case of feel Booth. I can do it with my eyes shut.","Booth: You shut your eyes and I will shut mine because I'm not watching. (Brennan climbs up the ladder to the high wire)","Brennan: My teacher said I was one of his best students.","Booth: This is crazy. (Brennan steps onto the highwire with a pole in both her hands and walks slowly)","Brennan: Booth...Look!","Booth: I told you I'm not gonna look. I'm keeping my eyes shut, this is absolutely...(he opens his eyes) Oh my god. Bones! You're a fearless.","Brennan: My feet. I'm not in shape for this.","Booth: Look at you, you're doing great! You think maybe you could ride a bike on that thing and maybe spin a ball on your nose at the same time?","Brennan: Aoww, my cuboids Booth: What?","Brennan: The cuboids are the bones in my feet.","Booth: Bones are you alright? (she's losing her balance) Bones?","Brennan: Yeah Im fine. (she falls down and ends up in the net.","Booth: Bones are you alright?","Brennan: Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. (she stands up) I know what happened Booth: That's pretty obvious; you lost your balance.","Brennan: No, to the twins. They weren't murdered, the stress fractures to their fibulas and cuboids they were caused by walking on the high wire. And, and the kissing fracture, their heads snapped together when they fell into the net. That's why there was no other trauma.","Booth: Oooh. A conjoined twin high wire act.","Brennan: Henry said that Jenny wanted to be famous. They're act would have been completely unique.","(Cut to: Brennan and Booth walking on the circus terrain)","Brennan: I thought so first Booth: Yeah. They covered up an accident by making it look like a murder.","Magnum: I didn't kill them. I didn't kill them. I loved them, I would never hurt do.","Brennan: We know Magnum: I buried them, they needed a proper burial.","Madame Nina: Don't say anything Magnum.","Brennan: You asked them not to go on the high wire but that's exactly what they wanted to do.","Booth: It's probably the only thing Julie and Jenny ever agreed on.","Brennan: when they dropped to the net, the force of their fall snapped their heads together.","Booth: Yeah an accident like that their mother would definitely have sued. The circus wouldn never have survived... You know I'm gonna have to arrest you for interference with a dead body.","Brennan: We're sorry. Are we?","Booth: Yeah, sorry.","Brennan: We're going to get you a good lawyer, Cause I don't wanna sue the circus down because of me.","Magnum: Just don't bring them into this.","Booth: Which you're gonna have to explain is why you wrapped them in a sheet, because that's something a woman would do out of respect.","Brennan: You'll also have to explain how you forged their handwriting on a note.","Magnum: Yeah, I will. Thanks.","Booth: Well, I'll just call the Dallas field office and have'em pick him up.","Brennan: You think he'll run again?","Booth: No. He won't run.","(Cut to: The trailer stands all alone on the terrain, Booth steps out and picks up a paper, Brennan steps outside with coffee)","Brennan: They're gone.","Booth: Yeah.","Brennan: We slept through it?","Booth: Yeah. Look at that (he looks at the paper and reads) Boris and Natasha and their russian knives of death. Guess we all got it in us, because I would have run off and joined the circus.","Brennan (looking at paper): We did it.","Booth: Buck and Wanda were damn good.","Brennan: Buck was more dashing than you. I mean Buck, drove a motorcycle Booth: Well Wanda was funner than you.","Brennan: How?","Booth: Well she let me knock off a rubber nose from her face with a knife. You would never let me do that, you are way to rational.","Brennan: Where do you think they are now?","Booth: Over the horizon."],"Show Title":"Bones","Episode Number":"04x12","Episode Title":"Double Trouble in the Panhandle","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Bones_04x14.json","Recap":["The evidence from the Gravedigger case has gone missing. Brennan and Hodgins, who have not fully recovered from being buried alive, are suspected of taking it. On the night of a ceremony recognizing Brennan, Booth gets knocked out, tasered, pumped full of drugs, and stuffed in a toy-like yellow submarine. When he gets out of the tiny submarine, Booth finds himself face to face with someone from his military past. The team works on locating Booth and finding who is behind the kidnapping, with the help of Booth's brother Jared. Agent Perotta also appears."],"Transcript":["\"The Hero in the Hold\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","TEASER","(FBI - The Conference Room)","(Brennan, Hodgins and Thomas Vega are sitting at the table with Judge Williams)","JUDGE WILLIAMS: Dr. Brennan, Dr. Hodgins, Mr. Vega, thank you for coming.","VEGA: You get a notice to appear in front of a federal judge, you appear.","BRENNAN: I assume this has something to do with the Gravedigger.","HODGINS: The only thing the three of us have in common is that kidnapper.","(appearing from the dark corner of the room ADA Heather Taffet approaches the table holding a folder)","TAFFET: My name is Heather Taffet. I'm the United States Attorney assigned to the Gravedigger case last month.","BRENNAN: What happened to Ms. Kurland?","HODGINS: She was killed (Brennan looks at Hodgins) in a car accident in Boston.","VEGA: So what? You think the Gravedigger had Kurland killed because she was getting close?","HODGINS: (irritated) She wasn't getting close, she was barely conducting an investigation.","BRENNAN: (turning her head back to address Taffet and Judge Williams) Nothing has moved in the Gravedigger case in months.","JUDGE WILLIAMS: Well it turns out something did move.","TAFFET: Some evidence has gone missing.","BRENNAN: You suspect that one of us stole Gravedigger evidence? From the FBI?","TAFFET: Mr. Vega is a former FBI agent as well as a best-selling author on the Gravedigger. You both contract out to the FBI.","JUDGE WILLIAMS: Let me make this very clear. If any of you has any evidence linked to the Gravedigger case, I am ordering you as a federal judge to turn it over to Ms. Taffet.","TAFFET: Turn it over to me today and you get full immunity.","(Booth's Apartment: the Bedroom)","(Booth is looking in the mirror and putting the final touches on his rented tux...his cocky belt buckle)","BOOTH: (to himself) Look at that. (his cell phone rings. he turns and walks to pick it up) Ohhh, it's got to be Bones. (he looks at the ID on the phone) Yup. (answering) I'm hurrying Bones.","(Brennan's Car)","BRENNAN: Do you need directions?","BOOTH: (on phone) No, I do not need directions...","(Booth's Apartment)","BOOTH: (he exits the bedroom into the living room ) ...because I am driving.","BRENNAN: (on phone) My GPS can...","(Brennan's Car)","BRENNAN: ...provide perfect directions in several languages.","(Booth's Apartment)","BOOTH: (walking over to the coffee table) Well get this, ok? Parker got me this new watch (he picks it off the table and puts it on) and it does the same thing.","(Brennan's Car)","BRENNAN: (curious) Oh, in several languages?","BOOTH: (on phone) No.","BRENNAN: Well then it's not the same thing.","(Booth's Apartment)","BOOTH: (walking over to a mirror to adjust his tie) I bet you are looking beautiful, huh? Because I am in the finest tux that money can rent.","(Brennan's Car)","BRENNAN: Well, I'm on my way home to get dressed. But you need to be there an hour and a half before me to watch the tribute video. My GPS indicates that it's a...25 minute drive for you.","(Booth's Apartment)","BRENNAN: (on phone) This is my big night Booth.","BOOTH: Alright Bones, listen. Don't worry, I will be there when they crown you super scientist...","(Brennan's Car)","BOOTH: (on phone) ...I will be the guy in the cocky belt buckle...","(Booth's Apartment)","BOOTH: ...and the snazzy rented tux. (he hears a knock) Someone's knocking on my door.","(Brennan's Car)","BRENNAN: How can there be a knock at your door if you're already driving?","(Booth's Apartment)","(Not wanting to answer, Booth looks at his phone, hangs up and walks to the door)","(Brennan's Car)","(Brennan is frustrated that Booth hung up)","(Medico Legal Lab)","(Brennan, all dressed up for her event, rushes in to a waiting Cam, Sweets and Angela, all three of whom are also dressed for the occasion)","CAM: You're late.","BRENNAN: I know. It took me longer to get dressed than I thought but don't worry my GPS will get us there on time. (She begins to turn to head back out the door as the other three follow)","ANGELA: (putting on her jacket and laughing) It's not a time machine sweetie.","(Brennan's cell phone rings)","SWEETS: I call shot gun. (Cam shakes her head)","BRENNAN: (answering her phone) Brennan.","GRAVEDIGGER'S VOICE: I have taken Seeley Booth. (She stops walking and grabs for Cam's phone to record the message) He has been buried alive. He has 21 hours to live. (Angela turns around to see what's wrong. Her face drops when she sees Brennan's look of worry. Cam also looks troubled.) Bring the evidence to the SW5 DC Boundary Stone in return for which you will receive GPS coordinates. If you involve law enforcement I will know and Seeley Booth will die. This is my final communication. (Brennan stops the recording on Cam's phone but keeps her phone to her ear)","CAM: What's going on?","BRENNAN: (Not looking up, she hangs up the phone. She is still processing the information.) The Gravedigger has Booth. (Angela, Cam and Sweets all look worried)","(A Dark Container)","(A watch lights up. It's Booth's and he is lying on his back in a small, dark container. He's breathing heavily and uses the light to look for a way out. There doesn't seem to be one so he begins to bang on the secured lid)","(Booth's Apartment)","(The door opens and Sweets enters holding a stiletto for a weapon. He is being cautious and Brennan follows behind and turns on the light. Cam and Angela enter behind her)","CAM: Booth?","BRENNAN: (looking back at her) He's not here. I told you. (They begin to search the apartment for clues)","ANGELA: I was hoping it was...like a prank call or something.","CAM: The door was locked.","SWEETS: What does that mean?","ANGELA: Well, I doubt that the Gravedigger would take the time to...(she looks at Sweets and sees he's still holding her shoe) Give me the shoe. (She grabs it from him and puts it back on her foot) ...would take the time to lock the front door on his way out.","CAM: Especially lugging 190 pounds of unconscious Booth. (they continue looking around the apartment, all ending up in the living room. Brennan emerges from the bedroom and sees something)","BRENNAN: (pointing) He was dragged...toward the window. (the blinds on one window are bent and disturbed. Cam goes to look closer at it)","ANGELA: Oh my god. Okay, alright, we need to call the authorities. (Brennan immediately looks at her) We are in way over our heads here.","SWEETS: No. No, no, no. I read up on this guy. If we want Booth back, we need to pay the ransom.","CAM: The Gravedigger wanted evidence. What evidence?","BRENNAN: It has to be the same evidence that the state attorney and the FBI think that I have which I don't. (Angela takes out her phone and dials)","SWEETS: What are you doing?","ANGELA: They called in Hodgins too.","BRENNAN: You think he stole the evidence?","ANGELA: (puts the phone to her ear) I know you didn't.","(A Dark Container)","(Booth is still forcefully kicking the top of the container trying to get it open. He feels the walls around him looking for another way out.)","(A Dark Container)","(Booth is still kicking the lid of the container. There are bolts holding it shut which he tries to kick loose. It doesn't work. He takes his keychain to try and loosen the nuts. He struggles, but loosens the first one. He kicks the bolt out. Light shines in and he pokes his finger through and looks up.)","(Medico-Legal Lab)","(Hodgins is doing push-ups very quickly. Brennan walks in)","BRENNAN: Could you stop that, please?","HODGINS: (he stands) I was just working off adrenaline. How long ago did the Gravedigger get Booth? What kind of time do we have?","BRENNAN: I know you have what the Gravedigger wants. The evidence that the judge told us about. The Gravedigger thinks that I have it. But he's wrong. It's you. (Hodgins doesn't reply. He looks at his feet) Give it to me. (Hodgins looks up, hesitant to give Brennan what she wants)","(A Dark Container)","(Booth is loosening another nut. After some struggle he gets it open and pushes the top open)","(A Large Hold)","(Booth emerges from a very small yellow submarine. He climbs out, stumbles a little and takes a look at his surroundings. He hears something in the dark corner of the room.)","BOOTH: Who's there? Who's that?","VOICE: It's me.","BOOTH: Who's me?","VOICE: Best buddy you ever had. (the voice emerges from the darkness. It's a young soldier) Your words. (Booth looks shocked and confused)","BOOTH: Teddy? (Teddy looks up at him and smiles. Booth sighs in disbelief)","Flash","(Booth's memory: He's in his ranger camouflage uniform carrying a soldier over his shoulders, running for help)","Flash BOOTH: This isn't real.","TEDDY: (He hits the submarine. It makes a metal ting) I'm gonna go with real. Nice monkey suit by the way. I would never have thought to go formal to a kidnapping.","BOOTH: (stumbling over his words) Look, no offense but you know, I've been drugged, electrocuted...stuffed in a...Beatles toy. You're...you're a hallucination, that's what you are. You're a hallucination.","TEDDY: Aww, that's nice. I show up to help you and you toss me off as a hallucination. (he closes the lid of the submarine)","BOOTH: You're dead corporal. I felt your heart stop.","TEDDY: No use crying over spilled milk, Sarge.","BOOTH: You know what? You're not real. This isn't real. You know what? I am gonna focus on what is real. Right? Real, like getting out of this place. Okay... (He looks up to see a hatch door high up by a catwalk. Teddy follows his gaze)","TEDDY: Nah, Sarge. It's too high. How about that one? (he nods his head in the direction of another hatch door on their level.","BOOTH: (he looks to where Teddy nodded) I already saw that. (he walks to it)","TEDDY: Now you're getting competitive with a hallucination. (Booth glares back at him. Teddy looks over his shoulder to the darkness behind. He looks back at Booth.) What? Oh, right. No, still here. (Booth glares at him for a little while until he turns his concentration back to the door) Aw, you really haven't changed, Sarge. (He steps closer to Booth) Once you knew it had to be done, nothing can stop you.","BOOTH: (frustrated) Enough already, okay?","TEDDY: (he straightens into military position) Yes sir, Sergeant.","BOOTH: (walking back to the sub and mumbling to himself) I got this. (he takes one of the propellers off the sub and brings it back to the door)","TEDDY: Hey, look at that. You're making progress.","(Medico-Legal Lab: An Office)","(Hodgins pulls out a metal briefcase and opens it up. He turns to show Brennan the files inside.)","HODGINS: There. (She looks up) That's everything.","BRENNAN: The judge was after a specific piece, Hodgins, something that you stole from the FBI.","(Defeated, Hodgins pulls a small vial out of the case. It's the bumper sticker found in his pants when Brennan and he were trapped in the car. He shows it to Brennan)","BRENNAN: I remember that. (She takes the vial from Hodgins) It was embedded in your leg.","HODGINS: Yeah. Probably came off the bumper of the vehicle the Gravedigger used to run me over. Only shortly before he buried me alive.","BRENNAN: (Giving a small nod) With me. (she looks back at the vial)","HODGINS: I'm pretty close to...discovering the manufacturer. (Brennan looks up) Which will help us narrow down the suspect pool.","BRENNAN: Booth doesn't have that kind of time.","(Hodgins reaches to take the vial back from Brennan. She pulls it closer to her)","CAM: (entering the room) What is that? (Angela follows Cam in)","BRENNAN: Evidence that the Gravedigger wants. (Sweets enters behind Angela) Sweets, you...you shouldn't be here. The Gravedigger said no FBI involvement.","SWEETS: I'm a psychologist, not an agent.","CAM: An FBI psychologist. Dr. Sweets, get, gone, now. (He exits, visibly angry)","(Angela watches Sweets exit then turns to Hodgins. She approaches him looking mad)","ANGELA: You stole evidence? (Angela, Cam, Brennan wait for a response)","HODGINS: You don't know what it was like. Being buried in that car.","BRENNAN: (forcefully) I do. I was there.","HODGINS: I know. And if we turn over that evidence we will never catch the Gravedigger.","CAM: Booth only has 19 hours.","HODGINS: (frustrated) Okay, okay. Let's just take 10 of those hours and see if we can do both. (Angela and Cam both look to Brennan to decide) Brennan, I'm telling you the answer is there. (he points to the vial)","(Brennan looks worried about taking the chance. She stares at the vial. She shakes her head slightly)","HODGINS: 10 hours? (Angela looks to Cam. Cam looks to Brennan)","BRENNAN: (Brennan looks up, stares at Hodgins, looks back to the vial and then back to Hodgins.) 8. And Dr. Hodgins is never left alone.","ANGELA: You don't trust him?","BRENNAN: No. I don't.","(Medico-Legal Lab: Angela's Office)","(Brennan's phone is linked to the computer)","ANGELA: I scanned the new recording... GRAVEDIGGER'S VOICE: (playing from the computer) Bring the evidence to the SW5 DC Boundary Stone in return for which you will receive GPS coordinates. (Angela moves to audio equipment on a rack and hits some buttons) If you involve law enforcement I will know and Seeley Booth will die. This is my final communication.","ANGELA: ...along with the recording that the Gravedigger gave when you and Hodgins were kidnapped. (she pauses) You okay to hear that? (Brennan nods) Okay.","GRAVEDIGGER'S VOICE: (from computer) Temperance Brennan and Jack Hodgins have been buried alive. Wire transfer $8 million to the following Grand Cayman account or they will suffocate to death. (Angela stops that and replays the end of Booth's message) ...or Seeley Booth will die. (Angela replays the very end of the Brennan\/Hodgins message) ...or they will suffocate to death.","ANGELA: Now despite the voice scrambler, I was able to extract specific phonemes by running the waveform through a 4AA Transform. (on the computer, Angela shows the matching waveforms)","BRENNAN: Graphically, they're identical. Can we hear the unscrambled voice?","ANGELA: No, the coding was too complicated. But the voice scrambler was triggered to compress at a certain set level. (she walks back to the audio equipment and inserts a disc) Now in this case, it was set to the volume of the human voice.","BRENNAN: So when the Gravedigger isn't speaking... ANGELA: Right, the background noise pops into the foreground. Uncompressed. (the computer program extracts the background audio. Angela plays it.)","BRENNAN: What is that?","ANGELA: Ummm. I'm...still working on that. Sorry. I... (she looks and faces Brennan) We'll get Booth back.","BRENNAN: You can't know that.","ANGELA: Brennan, I just think that... BRENNAN: (cutting Angela off) Just...work, please. (Angela nods)","ANGELA: Okay. (she turns back to the computer) Let me try another algorithm. (she plays the audio again) Birds?","BRENNAN: (after a moment of listening) Gulls. Seagulls. The Gravedigger was near the water.","(Angela and Brennan both look at each other, small smiles come to their faces.)","(The Hold)","(Booth is using the propeller to bang on the hatch door to wedge it open. The blade breaks)","TEDDY: (holding out a new propeller) Fresh one? What? Oh, hallucinations can't help out a little.","BOOTH: (Taking the propeller) Give me that. (He turns back to the door.)","TEDDY: You're welcome. (observing Booth) No, Sarge. Pry with your legs. Watch so you don't hurt your back.","(Booth pushes harder, the door opens a little. Water starts to pour in at the bottom.)","TEDDY: That can't be good.","(Booth looks down at the water and back to Teddy)","Flash","(Booth's memory: Booth is running through a small creek still carrying the body over his shoulders.)","BOOTH: Hang on Teddy. You're gonna make it.","Flash","(The water is coming in harder now drenching Booth. He tries to shut the door)","TEDDY: Ahhh, you might want to close that up, Sarge.","(Booth is really struggling to hold the door in place. His efforts are futile and the door bursts open. A wall of water fills the room)","(Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform)","(Brennan and Angela rush onto the platform. Hodgins and Cam who are studying the case file look up)","ANGELA: Hey guys! There was no voice match but there was a point of origin on the call. (They all surround one of the computers as Angela brings up the audio. She plays it.)","CAM: Seagulls?","BRENNAN: I talked to Booth an hour and 47 minutes before I got the ransom call.","CAM: That merry-go-round... (Angela looks up to her. Cam has a moment of realization) The boardwalk! King's Beach Boardwalk.","HODGINS: I got it. (He walks away and picks up Vega's book on the Gravedigger. He brings it back and points to Vega's picture on the back)","BRENNAN: Vega?","HODGINS: Vega lives in a penthouse apartment just off the boardwalk. (Cam looks at Brennan)","(A Parking Garage)","(Hodgins and Brennan get out of her car and walk through the garage)","HODGINS: Do you think this is my fault?","BRENNAN: If you hadn't stolen the evidence the Gravedigger would never have taken Booth.","HODGINS: Rationally speaking, it was inevitable. It would have happened anytime we got close.","BRENNAN: (pointing) Is that Vega's car? (they approach the car and walk to either side. There is someone in the driver's seat) Who is that?","HODGINS: It's Vega.","(Vega is sitting still in the front seat. Hodgins bangs on the passenger side door. Brennan looks through the driver's window)","HODGINS: He's dead.","(Brennan opens up the driver's door and looks closer at the body)","BRENNAN: It looks like he was killed somewhere else and then was placed here.","HODGINS: (looking around the garage) We should take his body back to the lab. (Brennan glares at him) Obviously the Gravedigger killed him. There's got to be some evidence that we can use.","BRENNAN: Remove a body from the crime scene?","(A car pulls up quickly. Agent Perotta steps out)","PEROTTA: That would be a very bad idea. Step away from the car, please.","(Brennan looks really confused)","HODGINS: Agent Perotta.","(The Hold)","(water has filled up half the room. Booth and Teddy are treading as it continues to rise. They are looking up for an escape)","BOOTH: Look, if the water rises up far enough I'll be able to get to that door and open it.","TEDDY: What, the room isn't filling up quickly enough for you already?","(Booth swims over to the wall)","(Parking Garage)","(the FBI is wheeling Vega's body away on a stretcher. Perotta is questioning Brennan and Hodgins)","PEROTTA: You were here for an interview? (Brennan nods)","HODGINS: Mr. Vega was writing Surviving the Gravedigger and wanted to talk to us.","PEROTTA: At 5 in the morning?","HODGINS: It was a...breakfast meeting.","BRENNAN: Were you following us Agent Perotta?","PEROTTA: Yes, Dr. Brennan. I was. You two are both suspected of stealing evidence. This (pointing to the crime scene) doesn't exactly clear you of suspicion.","HODGINS: (pointing to Vega's body being loaded into a van) Well was he under surveillance? Because a fat lot of good the FBI did him.","BRENNAN: Well it appears that he was the one who had the evidence. (Perotta tilts her head) Are we free to go...now?","HODGINS: Why not? They have us under surveillance.","PEROTTA: (As they walk away) I'll be in touch.","(The Hold)","(the water is much higher now and Booth climbs onto the catwalk. Teddy is already on it)","BOOTH: Tell you what. You were always the guy to be with in a tough spot.","TEDDY: You never said anything like that, Sarge. Mostly you just grunted. And made me get coffee. (Booth walks to the door, trying to turn the wheel handle) So what makes you think what's behind that, uh, hatch is going to be any better than the last thing we opened?","BOOTH: I'll tell you what. I'm either gonna drown fast, or really, really slow. (He takes off his jacket)","TEDDY: (looking down at the rising water) Okay. It's filling up pretty fast here, Sarge.","(Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform)","(Angela is on speakerphone with Hodgins and Brennan)","HODGINS: (on phone) Vega's dead.","ANGELA: Oh God. Vega's dead. Right, like murdered, dead?","(Brennan's Car)","BRENNAN: We had no opportunity to examine the body to...","(Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform)","(Angela places the phone on its holder)","BRENNAN: (on phone) ...examine the remains before the FBI interrupted us.","CAM: Woahhh. What? FBI?","HODGINS: (on phone) Yup. FBI Special Agent Perotta.","BRENNAN: (on phone) We're going to swing by...","(Brennan's Car)","BRENNAN: ...pick up the evidence and deliver it to the Gravedigger.","HODGINS: What? Woah-woah-woah. We just do what he wants?","ANGELA: (on phone) We have no other choice...","(Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform)","ANGELA: ...You spoke to the FBI.","HODGINS: (on phone) We didn't talk to the FBI, they talked to us.","CAM: Somehow I don't think the Gravedigger is going to take that...","(Brennan's Car)","CAM: (on phone) ...into consideration.","HODGINS: We still have time: to catch the Gravedigger and to save Booth.","BRENNAN: (Brennan shakes her head) The odds are not acceptable.","HODGINS: Why?","BRENNAN: (yelling) Because we don't have Booth to help.","CAM: (on phone) Let's be clear here...","(Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform)","CAM: ...What we intend to do next constitutes felony conspiracy.","BRENNAN: (on phone) Not you...","(Brennan's Car)","BRENNAN: ...Me. I can do it alone.","HODGINS: No...No. Nobody does anything alone. Vega was alone.","(The Hold)","(Teddy bursts from the rising water and climbs back on the catwalk. He has with him a large yellow pipe)","BOOTH: What the hell's that supposed to be for?","TEDDY: (out of breath) It's a fulcrum, Sarge. We, uh, both work it together.","(Teddy places the pipe in the wheel)","BOOTH: Yeah, right there. Ready?","(Teddy pushes down on the pipe while Booth pulls the wheel up. After pushing a moment the wheel comes lose and Booth opens the door.)","BOOTH: Get in.","TEDDY: Hey, real people go first, Sarge.","BOOTH: (Grabs Teddy by the shirt and pushes him in) Get in before I change my mind, will you?","(Realizing he physically touched Teddy, Booth stares at his hand and then walks through the door)","(A Room)","(Another hatch is being pushed up from the floor. Teddy climbs out, Booth follows. He grabs onto Teddy's shoulder and starts feeling his face and body)","TEDDY: Woah...okay...get a grip, Sarge. You're attacking your own hallucination.","BOOTH: You are not an hallucination. You helped me open up that hatch. I wouldn't have been able to open up that hatch without you.","TEDDY: Okay, okay. So what does that make me?","BOOTH: You...are a ghost.","TEDDY: I'm a ghost? (Booth turns around and looks at the new room they've entered) Hey, why aren't you scared?","(Booth sees a fake skeleton dressed as a pirate)","BOOTH: You being a ghost is not even on the list of things that scare me.","(There are other decorations in the room like toys and giant stuffed animals)","(Another Part of the Room)","(Booth is kicking a fence that has he and Teddy trapped in this room)","TEDDY: I kept telling you. I said, \"learn to pick a lock.\" You remember your response, Sarge?","BOOTH: Yeah. \"Any lock worth picking is worth kicking. (he gives the lock another hard kick) And I still stand by it.","TEDDY: Oh, hey, please, stand by it. Advice like that. It's a miracle I lived as long as I did. You got a cuff link?","BOOTH: Yeah.","(he starts to take off a cuff link and looks back to Teddy. Teddy laughs. Booth removes the link and hands it to Teddy. Teddy goes to the lock)","BOOTH: 20.","TEDDY: What's that?","BOOTH: You were 20 years-old when you died.","TEDDY: Still am. You, Sarge, I've got to say...you've uh, put a couple years on. Hey is it true that the 30s is when your body really starts going south on you? (Booth moves to another section of fence) Hey, you got any kids, Sarge?","BOOTH: Yeah, I got a boy. (He moves to the other side of the fence)","TEDDY: (still working on the lock) What's his name?","BOOTH: Ah, you're probably going to take this wrong.","TEDDY: Why? What'd you do? You name him something stupid like...like Cutter? What, Tanner? (Booth looks down, clearly uncomfortable) Brady? Aw, God, you didn't name him Sebastian?","(Booth looks away for a second then back at Teddy)","BOOTH: Parker. I named him Parker.","TEDDY: That's my name.","BOOTH: (Giving the slightest nod) That's your last name. You know and your lock picking sucks.","(Booth walks back to the open space of the room. Teddy stands still)","TEDDY: You named your kid after me?","BOOTH: Yeah.","TEDDY: What's he like?","BOOTH: He's uh...he's just like a kid you know, but uh, he's even better.","TEDDY: (following Booth) Does he like you?","BOOTH: Of course he likes me, he loves me. I'm his dad, you know? (he shows Teddy the watch) He even got me this watch.","(Booth continues to move away)","TEDDY: What about his mom?","BOOTH: Yeah, she uh...she likes me. But uh...she didn't love me. (he sees a small door on the wall. He goes to open it)","TEDDY: You loved her though?","BOOTH: (Looking for away to open the door) Of course I loved her. I still do. (straining to open the door) I just don't like her too much.","(He opens the door and it's a window)","TEDDY: (holding up the lock) Hey, you saw I picked the lock, right?","(Booth places his hands on the glass and looks out. He sees the ocean and ships in the distant harbor.)","BOOTH: We're on a ship.","TEDDY: Uh...Sarge?","BOOTH: (not taking his eyes off the window) Yeah?","TEDDY: This particular ship...ain't going to be floating much longer.","(Booth turns around. There is C4 lining the walls and ceiling)","BOOTH: C4 explosives.","(A City Park)","(Brennan's car drives by)","BRENNAN: (voice from inside car) There's the boundary stone through the clearing.","(Brennan parks and Hodgins gets out. Angela and Sweets are in the back seat. Angela is on a computer)","ANGELA: This is weird. Something nearby is broadcasting a video signal.","(Sweets, Brennan and Angela get out of the car. Hodgins opens up the back hatch and sets up more equipment. Sweets notices something)","SWEETS: (pointing) There. A camera. Up in that tree.","HODGINS: That's how the Gravedigger will see that we brought what he wants.","ANGELA: I might be able to hack into the camera's broadcast frequency.","HODGINS: I gotta say, it doesn't seem to be the smartest move to just hand over this evidence. (to Brennan) We need to be rational. We should maximize the chances to catch the Gravedigger, not minimize them.","(Angela faces Brennan. Brennan doesn't say anything. Angela swings her around to the side of the car)","ANGELA: Listen to me, Brennan. Somebody you love is buried alive. (Brennan looks at her defensively) You're allowed to save them no matter how irrational.","BRENNAN: (with her mouth open for a sec before words come out) I don't love Booth.","ANGELA: Yes you do. So do I. So do all of us (references Sweets and Hodgins) Just take my advice and hand over the evidence and get Booth.","BRENNAN: (thinks for a moment then turns quickly around) Let's do its. Come on. Let's do it.","(Brennan and Hodgins bring the briefcase of evidence over to the stone. Angela stands by Sweets at the car trunk)","ANGELA: (to Sweets) Watch your monitor. Tell me if anything changes, okay.","SWEETS: By anything you mean... ANGELA: Anything. (he nods and turns to his monitor)","(Hodgins and Brennan approach the stone. Angela hacks into the video camera.)","ANGELA: Okay. I'm in. I've locked into the video feed.","(Brennan and Hodgins arrive at the stone. Brennan opens the case of evidence)","HODGINS: (leaning to Brennan) Hey, this guy. (looking around) I really, really hate him. (yelling and pointing at the camera) I will find you!","(Brennan takes out the vial with the sticker and holds it up to the camera. The video feed zooms in on it)","SWEETS: Woah. Did you do that?","ANGELA: No. No. Uh. That's the Gravedigger. (the Gravedigger scans the sticker on the video feed) It's the vial he's after. God, and its receiver is within a 500 yard radius. He's really close.","(Sweets looks around. Something on his monitor beeps)","SWEETS: Oh, uh, Angela, this pointy bit here just got way pointier.","ANGELA: At what frequency?","SWEETS: 2.2 something.","ANGELA: (she looks at the monitor) Oh my God. That signal's not coming from the camera. (she turns from the car and yells to Brennan and Hodgins) Get back! (Brennan and Hodgins look up) Run! (They begin to move away) Run!","HODGINS: Go, go. Go, go, go.","(he and Brennan sprint away from the stone. The stone blows up behind them and they fall to the ground due to the power of the blast. A car pulls up. Agent Perotta gets out. Hodgins and Brennan are all right and roll over to look at the blast)","PEROTTA: What the hell is going on here?","HODGINS: (to Brennan) You okay?","BRENNAN: Yeah. Come on. (they stand and run back to the car)","(FBI - the Conference Room)","(Perotta is explaining the situation to Judge Williams and Taffet. Brennan, Angela, Hodgins and Sweets are standing around the table. Brennan looks disheveled.)","PEROTTA: We followed Dr. Brennan's car to the Boundary Stone. We arrived moments after the explosion.","JUDGE WILLIAMS: What the hell were you people doing?","BRENNAN: (confidently) We have nothing to say.","PEROTTA: We found evidence at the crime scene believed to be related to the Gravedigger investigation.","TAFFET: I believe they returned evidence to the Gravedigger.","JUDGE WILLIAMS: Agent Perotta, you will deny all of these people access to this case.","BRENNAN: May I make a request, you Honor? I'd like to see Thomas Vega's remains. I need to examine them immediately. (Perotta looks at her)","JUDGE WILLIAMS: You will examine nothing. You people will stay away from anything to do with the Gravedigger.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The Ship)","(Booth is following the wires hooking up the C4)","BOOTH: We're on a ship stuffed with toys and explosives. Does that make some kind of sense to you?","TEDDY: Yeah. What they do Sarge is they sink ships for reefs. They get school kids to do all their decorating.","BOOTH: Why?","TEDDY: For the fish, why else? Fish love decorations.","(Booth sees something and walks to it. It's the explosives' transponder.)","BOOTH: There's a transponder. (he lifts the lid. The countdown says 6:23:11) We have 6 hours and 23 minutes here. (turning to Teddy) What? No ideas.","TEDDY: According to you I'm already a ghost. As a result, I got not sense of urgency.","BOOTH: I got it. Maybe we can use the transponder to send a signal.","TEDDY: But that's the only fail-safe. Once you disconnect the transponder nothing can stop this ship from blowing to hell in...(reads the clock) 6 hours and 22 minutes.","(Booth takes a moment but then disconnects the transponder)","BOOTH: Sense of urgency now?","(FBI Building)","(Brennan, Hodgins, Angela and Sweets are walking from the conference room to the elevators)","BRENNAN: It's been almost 2 hours. Why hasn't the Gravedigger sent us Booth's coordinates?","SWEETS: I think we have to accept that the Gravedigger isn't going to release Booth. He's cleaning up.","BRENNAN: Cleaning up?","SWEETS: Yeah. He destroyed the evidence. Now he's trying to destroy everyone who'd gotten close to him. (Hodgins hits the elevator button. They wait) Vega, Agent Booth, you and Hodgins.","HODGINS: It's over. Booth's dead. It's....my fault. We're out of options.","BRENNAN: No. (the elevator doors open. They get in.) No, it's not over. And I know exactly who to ask for help. (the doors shut)","(The Restaurant\/Bar)","(Brennan enters. She walks over and meets Jared who's having a drink at the bar. He stands)","JARED: So what's so important you couldn't tell me on the phone?","BOOTH: You're brother has been kidnapped by the Gravedigger.","JARED: Seeley's been kidnapped? (she nods) When?","BRENNAN: Booth will be dead in 6 hours. What I need you to do is hijack the remains of a murder victim and then bring them to me.","JARED: I'm in military intelligence, we don't hijack dead bodies.","BRENNAN: The victim's name is Thomas Vega.","JARED: So you want me to steal the remains of a murder victim from the FBI?","BRENNAN: Yes! As soon as possible, please.","JARED: I can make a few calls... BRENNAN: (getting angry) No. This is not a situation where you make a few phone calls.","JARED: That's who I am, Tempe. I am the guy who makes a few calls.","BRENNAN: (visibly angry) Booth has never turned his back on you. You are a selfish coward and you never deserved him. (she storms out)","(Jared waits a moment then reaches down and finishes his drink)","(The Ship)","(Booth is working on the trasnponder)","BOOTH: We can feed the uh, transponder signal through the ship's antenna.","TEDDY: Well, you told me sometimes you've got to stand and fight and sometimes you got to...run like hell for help. (Booth looks at him for awhile)","Flash","(Booth's memory: Booth is carrying Teddy's body through a wooded area)","BOOTH: Hang on, Teddy. Stay with me.","TEDDY: (voice over from the ship) Sarge?","Flash TEDDY: Sarge?","(Booth shakes his head)","BOOTH: You never should have gone on that last mission. (silence) I mean...taking on another sniper that was...that was way beyond your...capabilities. There was...you could...that's why you're haunting me, right? You're...(he nods his head looking for approval)","TEDDY: Can't an old army buddy just show up to lend a helping hand?","BOOTH: (he thinks about it and nods) Yeah.","(He turns back to the transponder. Teddy holds a flashlight up)","TEDDY: You got a partner now?","BOOTH: Yeah.","TEDDY: (turning off the flashlight) You two tight?","(Booth stops working. Nods his head and takes a moment to respond)","BOOTH: (stumbling over his words) Yeah.. Um...we're uh...you would have...you'd like her. She's... TEDDY: Her? Way to go Sarge... BOOTH: (dismissing his comment) Look, just focus here on....uh...alright, Corporal? Whoever is monitoring the sinking of the ship should be able to pick up the signal, right?","TEDDY: Very cool, Sarge.","(Booth plugs it in and flips the \"On\" switch. He looks proud. The transponder sparks and dies out)","BOOTH: What? No.","TEDDY: You shorted it out. It's useless now.","BOOTH: (slamming his hands on the table) No.","(Angry and frustrated, Booth picks up the transponder and throws it against the wall then kicks it.)","TEDDY: Look, don't worry, Sarge. Hey, at least we still got this flashlight. (Booth, still angry puts his head in his hands)","(Medico-Legal Lab)","(Vega's body is wheeled in by Jared (in full uniform) and two assistants. He approaches a waiting Cam and Brennan)","JARED: Vega's remains.","BRENNAN: Thank you.","(All three follow the body as it is wheeled towards the platform)","(Another Area in the Middle of the Ship)","(Booth is walking and looking for a way out. Teddy follows holding the flashlight)","TEDDY: So...just to sum things up. The ship's about to explode and now there's no way to stop it.","BOOTH: Rub it in. I got you killed twice.","TEDDY: Where we going?","BOOTH: We got to get out of here.","TEDDY: Hey, even if we get out onto the deck, we're gonna have to jump into the ocean.","BOOTH: That's right.","TEDDY: Where if the fall doesn't kill us we'll get hypothermia and drown.","BOOTH: Oh no. I get hypothermia and drown. Who knows what'll happen to you?","TEDDY: If you die Sarge, I'm gone. There's not a single person left on the planet who will remember me. It'd be like I was never here.","BOOTH: No.","TEDDY: No?","BOOTH: No. There's...there's that uh...girl. She won't forget you.","TEDDY: You mean Claire?","BOOTH: Yeah, Claire. You know, every...day on the anniversary of your death I...I go to your grave and I uh...I visit you. And there's always flowers from Claire.","TEDDY: Did you ever see her?","BOOTH: From a distance, yeah.","TEDDY: Why don't you talk to her?","BOOTH: She blames me for your death.","TEDDY: That's crazy.","BOOTH: That's not crazy. (he looks at Teddy for a second, and then walks by as he changes direction) I blame me too. (They turn a corner and find another open area) Here we go.","TEDDY: Sarge?","BOOTH: Yeah.","TEDDY: Tomorrow's the anniversary. I need a favor.","BOOTH: If I survive this, anything.","TEDDY: I need you to tell Claire I loved her.","BOOTH: You never told her?","TEDDY: I was 20. I didn't know how to say it.","BOOTH: What? You say, \"I love you.\" I mean, what's so hard about that?","TEDDY: What? You've never loved somebody and didn't say it to 'em? (Booth thinks about this for a moment, says nothing and walks away to a wall) So maybe that's why I'm here. To get you to say \"I love you\" to somebody.","BOOTH: (feeling the wall) We can get through here.","TEDDY: Get through the solid metal wall?","BOOTH: No, the stairs. You see, the stairs. (he motions to the bolts from the stairs attached to the wall on the other side) The thinnest interior bulkhead of a ship is going to be along the stairs. We're going to blast our way through this.","(Medico Legal Lab: The Platform)","(Brennan and Cam are examining Vega's body)","CAM: Rigor indicates he's been dead less than 24 hours. About the same time Booth disappeared.","(Jared looks towards his assistants who are conversing)","BRENNAN: Vega must have been killed just after we were threatened by that judge.","CAM: Two full thickness burns to the posterior triangle of the neck corresponding with a high-amperage stun gun.","BRENNAN: (to herself) Stun gun... CAM: (to Jared) How'd you pull this off?","JARED: It's masked as a Military Intelligence Operation. National Security.","BRENNAN: Well how long before they find out the truth?","JARED: Not long if you keep talking so loud.","CAM: You're going to get in trouble, Jared. Definitely lose your job.","JARED: I'm aware.","BRENNAN: (looking at the neck) These burn marks are not in the usual place. On all the other victims they were equidistant from the inferior nuchal line. This time, they're angled about 4 cm to the right. (pointing to the wounds on the chest) This is deep. The stun gun was held here near his heart for an extended time.","CAM: Caused fatal fibrillation, that would be cause of death.","(Brennan looks at Vega's arm then walks to his x-rays displayed on a monitor)","BRENNAN: Here's a hairline fracture to the olecranon process of the right ulna.","JARED: What does that mean?","BRENNAN: The victim damaged his right medial and lateral epicondyles as well as his coronoid fossa, possibly consistent with a defensive response to a posterior assault.","CAM: (turning to Jared) Our victim got a piece of the bad guy.","BRENNAN: He elbowed the assailant. Striking someone that hard, there's going to be damage...at least broken ribs.","(The Ship)","(Booth stripping the ends of C4 wiring. Teddy enters with a C4 brick molded into the shape of a mermaid)","TEDDY: Got it.","BOOTH: Good job, kid. What the hell is that supposed to be?","TEDDY: A well shaped charge. It's a mermaid, you get it? It's not sexist cause she's mostly fish.","BOOTH: Right... (Booth takes it and sticks it to the wall.) Okay...all we need now is a power source. (Teddy looks at the flashlight in his hand then shines it on Booth) Right. That was what the flashlight was for.","(Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform)","(Hodgins and Brennan are working. Jared is observing. The alarms for the platform go off. Taffet approaches)","TAFFET: I have an injunction here reclaiming jurisdiction in this case.","JARED: On what grounds?","(Hodgins swipes his card to turn off the alarms)","TAFFET: One missing FBI agent is not a case of National Security.","JARED: (to his assistants) Grab a coffee guys.","BRENNAN: (walking over to Taffet) Do you have the warrant?","TAFFET: (she shows her the warrant. her right arm shakes) Right here...signed by the judge.","BRENNAN: (getting suspicious) I don't think there's any more reason for us to keep the truth from Ms. Taffet.","JARED: (confused) No. What? Wait, no, the Gravedigger said that we... TAFFET: (interrupting) You've been in touch with the Gravedigger? The Gravedigger has Agent Booth?","BRENNAN: (whispering to Hodgins) She can't seem to extend her arm.","HODGINS: What? (Taffet stares at him) Oh.","BRENNAN: What do you think?","JARED: About what?","HODGINS: It's...(shakes his head)...possible. She had complete access to FBI files and evidence. Nobody wanted the Gravedigger case; it's a career killer. But with Kurland out of the way... BRENNAN: Have you injured yourself recently, Ms. Taffet?","TAFFET: What the hell does that have to do with anything?","(Hodgins lunges towards Taffet. Jared and Brennan hold him back)","BRENNAN: (to Jared) Don't let Dr. Hodgins go. Could I see the warrant, please? (As Taffet struggles to raise her arm, Brennan hits her in the rib cage. Taffet bends over in pain) Broken ribs.","JARED: She's the Gravedigger?","HODGINS: It's her.","JARED: Can you prove it?","BRENNAN: No, we can't. Is that a problem?","JARED: Not for me. (he lets go of Hodgins and walks to Taffet. He grabs her neck and straightens her up.) You got a place to lock her up?","(Medico-Legal Lab: An Office)","(Jared binds Taffet's hands together behind her back and slams her into a chair. Brennan, Angela, Cam, Hodgins and Sweets surround her)","BRENNAN: Where's Booth? (Taffet says nothing)","SWEETS: She's not going to say anything.","BRENNAN: You haven't even asked.","SWEETS: Yeah, I've read extensively on the Gravedigger. I'm acquainted with the profile: very intelligent, very calm. She won't speak.","CAM: Then what do we do?","HODGINS: (to Jared) You have to do \"spring cleaning\" on her.","ANGELA: What is that? Is that some kind of torture or something?","JARED: Nothing. It doesn't exist.","HODGINS: The government keeps secret, black, illegal files on every US citizen. It's called \"spring cleaning\" because everything's brought out into the light and turned upside down.","SWEETS: (to Jared) Okay, that is complete paranoia. Right?","JARED: (he pauses) I'll need access to a secure terminal.","CAM: Follow me. (She exits)","JARED: (to Hodgins, as he exits) And only conspiracy nuts call it \"spring cleaning.\"","(The Ship)","(Booth is placing the wires into the C4)","TEDDY: Uh, Sarge?","BOOTH: Corporal Parker, I really need you to stifle yourself at this juncture, okay?","TEDDY: Okay. Yeah, I get it. I mean if these two leads touch, that explodes, you become Booth jam.","BOOTH: That's correct. (he kneels down to adjust the leads)","TEDDY: Of course, say a bead of sweat completes the circuit...then...BOOM! (he laughs)","BOOTH: (looking up) Uh huh. (pushing the leads closer together)","TEDDY: Can I ask you one more question?","BOOTH: (annoyed) What is it, Corporal?","TEDDY: It's just...how are you going to complete the circuit from a 100 yards away...at which distance you might survive the blast?","BOOTH: One thing at a time, okay?","TEDDY: Okay. (he stands and runs to hide)","BOOTH: First time I've ever heard of a cowardly ghost. What a wuss.","(Medico-Legal Lab: An Office)","(Taffet is sitting silently in the chair. Hodgins steps closer)","HODGINS: I'd like to kill you. (Taffet glares up at him) I hate her. I think I could murder her.","BRENNAN: If any group of people can murder someone...and get away with it...it would be us.","(Jared strides in. He whips Taffet's chair around to face him)","JARED: I'm not going to ask you any questions, I'm just gonna tell you what's going on, right now. (As Jared speaks, a montage of the FBI entering a storage locker and discovering a van with her Gravedigger supplies is edited together with Jared speaking to Taffet) I went through your file. As Heather Taffet you have led a very tiny, transparent life. But in 1998 you married a man named William Burton for exactly one month before you had the marriage annulled...which was long enough to create an entire identity...a whole untraceable identity...which you used for one thing, and one thing only: to rent a storage locker in Spring Hill. (right into Taffet's ear) I got you bitch. (he spins her back around. she shows no emotion)","(The Ship)","(Booth removes his Cocky belt buckle and places it on the ground between the two leads. he takes a step back behind a wall holding a long pipe. he reaches with the pipe to push the buckle to connect the leads. he's too far away and the pipe isn't long enough)","BOOTH: God, I got to get closer.","TEDDY: You're too close now, Sarge. (Booth tries again fails) Too close. Look, I'll get it. (he steps from behind his wall and picks up the belt buckle and brings it back to Booth. They both step as far away as possible)","BOOTH: Teddy.","(Teddy smiles at Booth and slides the buckle across the floor to the leads, triggering the explosion. Booth and Teddy are thrown back. Teddy is injured and bleeding, Booth is on his back. a beam falls from the ceiling.)","(Medico-Legal Lab: An Office)","(Taffet is still not speaking and Hodgins is getting frustrated. he approaches Sweets)","HODGINS: You got to get your hands on some truth telling drugs.","SWEETS: (confused) What?","HODGINS: (looking at his watch) Would you rather torture her?","JARED: I know a little bit about that.","SWEETS: No. What? We don't do that.","BRENNAN: Booth will die.","SWEETS: Character is who you are under pressure, not who you are when everything's fine. We're the good guys, we don't...we don't torture people.","CAM: (stepping towards Taffet) Evidence is being compiled against you Ms. Taffet. Tell us where Agent Booth is. You don't want another murder on your head.","SWEETS: See that's not going to work. Her pathology necessitates controlling the game. She's created her own morality. She's not going to relinquish control.","ANGELA: (entering) Hey, they brought in everything from her storage locker.","CAM: (following Angela from the room) Back to work. (Jared and Hodgins follow her)","(The Ship)","(Teddy's shoulder is injured and he is lying against the wall. Booth crawls to him)","BOOTH: Teddy?","TEDDY: Yeah.","BOOTH: (squinting) I can't see very well. I looked at the flash. Are you okay? Huh?","TEDDY: (groaning) Uhhh, I think I could use some help. (Booth looks over his wounds)","Flash","(Booth's memory: Booth crawls over to Teddy's body that's lying on the ground and removes his helmet. he begins to hoist him over his shoulders)","Flash BOOTH: Is that light? (he looks towards where the explosion went off. there is a gaping hole in the wall with stairs on the other side.) Did we find a way out?","TEDDY: We always find a way out, Sarge.","BOOTH: (throws Teddy's arm over his shoulder and helps him to stand) I'll be your legs, you be my eyes. Come on, Ted. (Teddy screams in pain as they stand) Which way, Corporal?","TEDDY: Towards the light. (they slowly move towards the stairs) Now that sounds bad, huh? Move towards the light. (they laugh a little and continue their way to the stairs)","(Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform)","(Taffet's boots and supplies are laid out on a table. Hodgins picks up one of the boots to examine)","HODGINS: Hold up, these boots were worn recently. (He takes it over to examine under the light and microscopes)","ANGELA: Hey, uh, Jared, can I see your black file of \"spring cleaning\" or whatever?","JARED: (handing his PDA to Angela) Contents are on my PDA.","CAM: (to Hodgins) Talk to me while you analyze.","HODGINS: Aedes Sollicitans? It's a common marsh mosquito. Blood's still in its gut.","CAM: Indicating it was worn how recently?","HODGINS: At least in the last 24 hours for sure, but wait a second. (he tweezes something out of the treads of the boot) I got some paint chips here.","CAM: (while Hodgins is placing it in a petri dish) Run it through the Mass Spec See if there's anything special about that paint.","HODGINS: (moving away) Yup, I'm on it.","(The Ship)","(Booth and Teddy are slow ascending the stairs to the deck of the ship)","BOOTH: You still with me, Teddy?","TEDDY: Yeah. But I got to tell you, I feel like we've kinda...been here before.","BOOTH: I'm sorry I got you killed.","Flash","(Booth's memory: Booth and Teddy are setting up their guns to take out the target. They are covered in camouflage netting. Booth is concentrating on his gun and Teddy leans up a little and gets shot in the chest)","BOOTH: (voice over from ship) I was so anxious to get off that shot, take out my target that I forgot to tell you... Flash","(They are still moving up through the ship)","TEDDY: You told me to get down twice. You gave the order. I didn't listen.","BOOTH: What?","(They reach the bottom of another set of stairs)","TEDDY: Sarge, stop. (Booth stops) I didn't come here to haunt you. I came to tell you it wasn't your fault. (Booth looks at him)","Flash","(Booth's memory: Teddy is lying on the ground, dead. Booth is sitting next to the body and staring into the ground. He takes no notice of the surrounding helicopters)","Flash","(Booth begins to haul Teddy up the stairs)","(Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform)","(Hodgins is reading the results of the Mass Spec analysis on the paint chips)","HODGINS: Active amine hydrogren, epoxy, hydroxyapatite and silica. (Angela looks up from reading Jared's PDA) It's...it's an obsolete composition of deck coating used by the Navy prior to 1961.","CAM: So she was on a Navy vessel within the last 24 hours?","HODGINS: Yes! Yeah, an old one. Most likely decommissioned. (Angela has a look of realization)","ANGELA: Wait a minute, a ship? Listen to this. (crossing to Hodgins and Cam while reading from the PDA) Taffet was a volunteer at the aquarium. They were prepping some sort of old Navy ship to be sunk.","HODGINS: What?","ANGELA: They're making some sort of reef.","JARED: The Navy's not afraid of explosions or sinking ships. (he takes his PDA back from Angela and speed dials a number) Plus it'll really annoy my brother, the Army Ranger, to be saved by a Squid. (he walks off the platform to call for help. The countdown on the monitor reads 28:04)","(Medico-Legal Lab: An Office)","(Angela enters)","ANGELA: Brennan, they know where Booth is. Jared is getting a helicopter to take you there. He's on an old Navy ship.","(Brennan begins to exit but on her way out picks up a briefcase and smacks Taffet with it. Taffet flies off her chair and falls on her side. Satisfied, Brennan storms out, throwing the case down.)","(The Ship)","(Booth is still helping Teddy along as they're almost to the deck of the ship)","TEDDY: Put me down, Sarge. You don't have to carry me anymore.","BOOTH: It doesn't work that way Teddy.","(They arrive to the last set of stairs where Booth sees the door to the deck)","(A Helicopter)","(Brennan is riding in the helicopter over the ocean out to the ship. She's on the phone with Jared through the helicopter's headset)","JARED: (on phone) Temperance, can you hear me? I'm patched through via cell phone.","BRENNAN: Jared? What? I don't understand, why aren't you here...","(A Navy Building)","(Jared is in handcuffs with an officer holding a cell phone up to him)","BRENNAN: (on phone) ... on the helicopter with me?","JARED: Typical Navy red tape, nothing to worry about. But listen. They couldn't...","(A Helicopter)","JARED: (on phone) ...cancel the detonation. Something's wrong with the transponder.","BRENNAN: What do we do now?","(A Navy Building)","JARED: The ship blows in 9 minutes. They Navy's only given you 5 to get there and get Seeley off.","BRENNAN: (on phone, upset) No, Jared...","(A Helicopter)","BRENNAN: ...Booth could be anywhere on that ship. 5 minutes is not enough time.","(A Navy Building)","JARED: These guys don't negotiate, Tempe. They won't risk anymore lives.","(A Helicopter)","BRENNAN: Are you alright?","(A Navy Building)","JARED: It's all worth it as long as you save my brother.","(A Helicopter)","(Brennan looks hopeless knowing that if Booth isn't near the deck there's no way to save him.)","(The Deck of the Ship)","(Booth and Teddy are walking through the door onto the deck)","TEDDY: Rangers lead the way, Sarge.","BOOTH: (out of breath) Right, just lead the way, Corporal. (he puts Teddy down against the wall) There. Alright? (Booth looks up and sees the helicopter approaching)","TEDDY: Sarge? (Booth looks from the helicopter back to Teddy) I knew what you did for me...How far you carried me. (Booth looks at the helicopter again to see if it's landed) Sarge? (Booth looks back at Teddy again) One more thing I got to tell you. (Booth steps to him) No way you're getting the deposit back on that tux. (Booth and Teddy both smile)","(The helicopter lands and a helicopter guy opens the door)","BRENNAN: (yelling) Booth! (he looks up and sees her) Hurry! (motioning with her hands) Come on!","(Booth looks back once more at Teddy, but his body is gone. he looks confused)","BRENNAN: (yelling and still motioning) Hurry, Booth, come on! (Booth begins to step towards the helicopter but stops again to look back again at where Teddy was laying. Brennan yells again, much more intensely since he isn't running to the helicopter) Booth, come on! Hurry!","(Booth finally steps back then turns and jogs to the helicopter. while running, he looks back a few more times to where Teddy was. he climbs in the helicopter and the guy shuts the door. Booth sits and Brennan grabs him for a long hug. She puts her head in his shoulder while he still looks confused and disoriented but glad to be safe. The helicopter takes off from the ship and as it flies away the ship explodes behind them)","(Arlington National Cemetery)","(Booth and Brennan are standing looking out over all the white headstones)","BOOTH: Thanks for coming to get me, Bones.","BRENNAN: You should have stayed in the hospital another day.","BOOTH: No, I didn't mean...get me out of the hospital. I meant...coming out on the helicopter...and the ship. Thanks for saving my life.","(She nods her head and looks at the ground but doesn't say anything)","BRENNAN: (pulling something out of her pocket) I got you this. (it's a new Cocky belt buckle. she hands it to Booth)","BOOTH: (laughing, smiling and holding up the buckle) Cocky! How'd you find that? That's hard to find.","BRENNAN: (after a moment) I read through your report. It seems as if you would need 2 people to do most of what you did.","BOOTH: I had help. There was a ghost.","BRENNAN: You were injured, drugged, disoriented, breathing bad air...There are no such things as ghosts.","BOOTH: Whatever you have to tell yourself there, Bones. (She scoffs and he says nothing)","BRENNAN: (pausing) Who's ghost?","BOOTH: (pointing) He's buried over there.","BRENNAN: The ghost?","BOOTH: Corporal Edward Parker. He was slain while serving his country. (pauses) He was 20. He was just a kid.","BRENNAN: Was it...your fault that he died?","BOOTH: (pauses and shakes his head) No. Fortunes of war. It wasn't my fault. (she nods her head) You see that woman over there? (Claire walks up to Teddy's grave with flowers) Her name is Claire. I have a message for her from Teddy. (he pauses then walks to the grave)","BRENNAN: (confused) What, a message from a ghost?","BOOTH: (turning his head back) You wait here, okay?","BRENNAN: But you're gonna deliver a message to that woman...from a ghost? (he continues to walk)","(from the distance, Brennan watches Booth approach Claire, talk to her and give her a hug. Teddy walks by her in full uniform. Brennan sees him.)","TEDDY: Beautiful day. Makes you feel glad to be alive, doesn't it?","BRENNAN: (nodding) Yes, it does. (she looks back to Booth)","(Booth and Claire finish hugging and she places her flowers on the grave. he looks back to Brennan and sees Teddy standing behind her. Teddy waves. Booth waves back as Claire stands. Brennan, thinking Booth was waving at her, waves back. Teddy smiles and walks away)"],"Show Title":"Bones","Episode Number":"04x14","Episode Title":"The Hero In the Hold","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Bones_04x21.json","Recap":["When a skeleton is found being used as a stage prop for a black metal band in Norway, authorities call the FBI upon discovering that the man, a bassist with the stage name Mayhem, is a US citizen. The investigation into underground extreme metal bands brings to light the teams' own surprising musical preferences and a revelation about Sweets' past. Meanwhile, Dr. Gordon Wyatt is back, helping Sweets write his book on Booth and Brennan by giving him a perspective on their relationship."],"Transcript":["\"Mayhem on the Cross\"","Norwegian Translation by: blandinavian","[SCENE_BREAK]","TEASER:","(Open: Engelsviken, Norway. There is metal music coming from a lighted barn near a lake. Cut to a band playing the music while a skeleton hangs from a cross behind them. A crowd cheers. At the back of the crowd a woman stands with a Delta Unit Commander.)","DELTA UNIT COMMANDER: Vi mottok et tips om at det kunne v\u00e6re menneskelig. Hva tror du? (We got a tip that it could be human. What do you think?)","DR. SOLBERG: Jeg m\u00e5 g\u00e5 n\u00e6rmere. (I need to get closer.)","DELTA UNIT COMMANDER: Iverksett! (Commence!)","(They head towards the skeleton and the music stops. Dr. Solberg walks onto the stage and examines the skeleton.)","DELTA UNIT COMMANDER: N\u00e6rme nok? (Close enough?)","DR. SOLBERG: Definitivt menneskelig. Definitivt menneskelig, og if\u00f8lge det odontologiske arbeidet amerikansk. (Definitely human. Definitely human, and according to the orthodonture, American.)","DELTA UNIT COMMANDER: Amerikansk? Er du sikker? (American? Are you certain?)","DR. SOLBERG: Ja. Amerikansk. (Yes. American.)","DELTA UNIT COMMANDER: Bra. La oss gi det tilbake til dem. (Good. Let's give it back to them.)","(The guitar player takes a swing at them with his guitar, the Delta Unit Commander defends them and it fades to black.)","(Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab Platform, Jeffersonian, Washington D.C. Dr. Temperance Brennan, Dr. Camille Saroyan and Intern Clark Edison are conducting the first examination of the skeleton that has been recently shipped to them. It is still on the cross.)","BRENNAN: Norway?","CAM: We don't have enough crucified corpses of our own? Now the Vikings are sending them?","CLARK: The annual murder rate in Norway is 0.7.","BRENNAN: Less than one murder a year?","CAM: In that case, they should solve the ones they have or they'll never get any practice.","BRENNAN: The victim is American.","CLARK: Still, if a Norwegian was murdered here, we'd conduct the investigation.","CAM: But the Norwegians say the victim died here and then got shipped to Norway.","BRENNAN: What's their evidence?","CAM: Nothing forensic, it's just police work. The remains were found in the possession of a Norwegian black metal band.","BRENNAN: (To Clark.) What's black metal?","CLARK: I dunno. It's Norwegian. Whole different kind of black.","CAM: Apparently, it's a genre of heavy metal featuring macabre imagery of death and horrific violence. Skalle. That's the name of the band? Skalle.","BRENNAN: Oh, it means \"skull.\"","CAM: You speak Norwegian?","BRENNAN: No, I'm a forensic anthropologist. I know how to say \"skull\" in just about every language.","CAM: Well, Skalle...","BRENNAN: Skall-eh.","CAM: Skall-ay...","BRENNAN: Skall-eh.","CAM: They stole the body from an American metal band while on tour in DC six months ago.","BRENNAN: The remains are male, late teens.","CLARK: Significant staining on the ... skall-EH.","BRENNAN: SKALL-eh.","CLARK: It leached into the bone.","CAM: Desiccated flesh on the face and scalp.","CLARK: Mm-hmm.","CAM: Perhaps enough for DNA.","BRENNAN: If the scraps of clothing and the boots were actually on the victim when he died, then... maybe Hodgins can give us something.","CAM: (Nods and then points to the skeleton's ribs that have been spread out to look like wings.) What's, what's the story on this?","CLARK: The posterior ribs were either broken or severed.","BRENNAN: Detached from the spine and then fanned out. It's the Blood Eagle.","CAM: Beg pardon?","BRENNAN: It was an ancient torture in which the victim was held face down while his back was sliced open. The ribs were then broken at the spine and then spread to look like an eagle, thus the name.","(Cam nods.)","BRENNAN: Absence of blood on the periosteal surface of the fractures suggests the ribs were broken postmortem.","CLARK: I'll remove the bones from the cross and clean them, see if we can find the cause of death.","CAM: This is definitely murder.","BRENNAN: There are other possibilities.","CLARK: I have to admit, none spring to mind.","BRENNAN: One possibility: drunken, death-obsessed, Satan-worshipping, drug-abusing teens rob a grave and reenact an ancient torture.","CAM: Ah, just another Saturday night.","(Cut to: FBI Building, Special Agent Seeley Booth is walking down the hall with another agent.)","BOOTH: Right, okay, so for the Norwegian crucifixion case, I'm gonna need to know all there is about the heavy metal music scene in D.C. Okay, and tell you what, get me all the recordings you can.","(They turn the corner and run into Dr. Gordon Wyatt)","WYATT: I think you're going to have to be more specific than that, Agent Booth.","BOOTH: Ha, Gordon-Gordon! (He shakes hands with him and continues to do so.)","WYATT: There's black metal, speed metal, grindcore, thrash, doom, drone, glam, sludge, metalcore, stoner metal, death metal, and deathcore. (Looks down at their still shaking hands.) Must you shake my hand with quite such a vise-like grip?","BOOTH: Right, yeah, okay, did you get all that? Go, go, go! I thought you were a psychiatrist, huh? How'd you become such a musical expert?","WYATT: Oh, I've got quite a, quite a musical background, you know.","BOOTH: Oh, yeah, right uh, Saint, um, Weatherby's Glee Club in Doo-Dah-on-Henley? So... I thought we loaned you out to Interpol?","WYATT: Yes, part of the serial killer task force, traveling the globe bathed in perversion and gore.","BOOTH: Have a seat. (They both sit.)","WYATT: And on a happier note, I'm to meet your bright young thing. Dr. Sweets?","BOOTH: Sweets, why Sweets?","WYATT: Well, he wants to interview me for the book he's writing on you and the lovely Dr. Brennan. Anyway, I can see you're busy. (He stands.) Listen, uh, perhaps while I'm here I can barbeque for you one evening.","BOOTH: Oh, no, no, I am the barbeque master, remember? You can do the boiling.","WYATT: Ah, I have it on good authority that my culinary skills have advanced somewhat since last we ate. Anyway, it's good to see you.","BOOTH: Yeah, you too.","(Wyatt exits.)","(Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab, Cam's office. Cam is sitting at her desk and Angela walks in.)","ANGELA: Hey. I have a computer rendering of what our victim may have looked like. (They pull it up on Cam's computer.) Look at him. He's a puppy.","CAM: A 278-pound puppy.","ANGELA: Sometimes puppies are big.","CAM: Prelim tox results came back negative for embalming fluid.","ANGELA: So he was never buried in a sanctioned grave. So probably murdered.","CAM: Murdered and his remains crucified for the entertainment of people who hate life.","ACT ONE","(Open: FBI Building, Dr. Lance Sweets' office. He and Dr. Gordon Wyatt are meeting for the first time and shaking hands.)","WYATT: Gordon, Gordon Wyatt. It's a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Sweets.","SWEETS: Dr. Wyatt, I am a huge admirer of your book on the role of sexual sadism in female serial killers.","WYATT: Do I detect a certain caveat in your tone?","SWEETS: Uh... well, the sample is small.","WYATT: Comparatively speaking, there are few female serial killers.","SWEETS: I was wondering if you had a chance to take a look at...","WYATT: Your manuscript? (He reaches into his bag and pulls the manuscript out.) Yes, indeed, and may I say, Dr. Sweets, that I think this is probably the best work I have ever read on the dynamics of opposite personality types working towards a common cause.","SWEETS: Okay, now I'm hearing a caveat.","WYATT: It's a small one. It's just that Brennan and Booth aren't in any way opposites.","SWEETS: Wow, small? (Laughs.) What is that-British understatement?","WYATT: Well, yes. He's a man, she's a woman. He's instinctual, she's empirical.","SWEETS: Opposites.","WYATT: Superficial ephemera, Dr. Sweets.","SWEETS: Wow. Okay, what about the sexual component in their relationship?","WYATT: Ah...","SWEETS: Would you agree that they have both, uh, sublimated their attraction to each other out of fear of endangering their working relationship because their working relationship is paramount to both of them?","WYATT: Alas, I'm afraid I wouldn't agree with that, no.","SWEETS: Wow, which part?","WYATT: Well, everything you just said. Yes, one of them is acutely aware of that attraction. Struggles with it daily, as a matter of fact.","SWEETS: Wow. I'm sorry I keep saying that... but which one?","WYATT: It's your book, Dr. Sweets. I would never tell you what to write.","SWEETS: I was actually going to ask you to write the introduction.","WYATT: That's very flattering, but uh, I'm retiring. I am relinquishing the field to young Turks like you.","(Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Metal music can be heard and Cam and Dr. Jack Hodgins can be seen walking into Angela's office where the music is coming from. She's bobbing her head and is clearly enjoying the music.)","CAM: Do you think she actually enjoys this?","HODGINS: This whole sexual abstinence thing is totally twisting her out of shape. (He hands a file to Cam.) Oh, here, uh, the staining on the skull was propylene glycol dicocoate, alkyl benzoate, and sorbitan sesquioleate.","CAM: What is that, some king of systemic poison?","HODGINS: That's common theatrical makeup. It leached into the skull during decomp. (Walks toward Angela and taps her on the shoulder.)","ANGELA: (Turns, surprised to see them there.) Oh, sorry, sorry. I put the music on to get me in the right space. (She turns the music off.) Well, extrapolating from the stains on the skull, it turns out that at the time of his death, our victim looked like this. (Pulls an image of the victim up on the computer and renders makeup over his face.)","HODGINS: Looks like your puppy moonlighted as a zombie werewolf.","ANGELA: Yeah, I ran this through my facial recognition program with an image search of metal Web pages. Check this out.","CAM: There's our boy.","(The search pulls up a webpage for a metal band.)","HODGINS: Spew. It's very evocative.","ANGELA: So our victim-Mayhem-was the bassist. The drummer is Wrath and the guitarist Pinworm, but they do have a new bassist now. His name is Grinder.","CAM: What about real names?","HODGINS: I imagine they play that pretty close to the vest.","ANGELA: Yeah, kind of ruins the magic when you find out that Satan's name is Todd or Larry.","CAM: Okay. I'll tell Booth to search for a death metal band named Spew. (She exits and Angela makes devil's horns with her hand.)","(Cut to: Royal Diner. Booth, Brennan and Sweets are sitting at the counter.)","BOOTH: Wait a sec. What do you mean Gordon-Gordon is going to quit psychiatry?","SWEETS: Well, I asked him to write the intro to my book about you two. He told me he couldn't because he was retiring.","BRENNAN: Is it possible he just hated your book?","SWEETS: Thank you. (Chuckles.)","BRENNAN: Perhaps now he'll find a pursuit worthy of his intellect... neurochemistry, for example.","BOOTH: (His phone rings and he answers.) Yeah. Booth. Hold on, slow down. (He turns away from the counter.)","SWEETS: Okay, why would a man with Wyatt's insights into the human psyche want to be a mere scientist? No offense.","BRENNAN: Perhaps because psychology is a field which is ill-defined in conception and ineffective in execution.","SWEETS: Thank you.","BOOTH: (Returns to the counter.) Okay, sounds great. (Hangs up,) So Cam says we got to track down a death metal band named Spew. They're totally underground-no concerts listed, no contact information.","BRENNAN: A death metal band?","BOOTH: Yeah.","BRENNAN: But our victim's skeleton was found in the possession of a Norwegian black metal band.","BOOTH: Death metal, black metal, what's the difference?","SWEETS: In essence, death metal is about brutal technical proficiency while black metal is about emotion. Now both of them exploit adolescent feelings of alienation, depression...","BOOTH: Right, cause it all just sounds like a truck full of cymbals crashing into a saw factory for me.","SWEETS: Well...","BRENNAN: Historically, picayune internecine squabbles account for a huge number of deaths.","BOOTH: Bones, just figure out cause of death for me, all right, \"interoserine\" or whatever. (To Sweets.) How do you know so much about this?","SWEETS: I was really into death metal... as a teenager, not anymore. Obviously.","BOOTH: Really?","SWEETS: Oh, come on.","BOOTH: Come on, what?","SWEETS: (Into an invisible microphone.) Rah, rah, rah. I don't like that anymore.","(Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab, Hodgins' work station.)","BRENNAN: According to Booth there's no way to track down this band Spew. No bars, clubs or high schools.","HODGINS: The cross is carved of 120-year-old black oak and was stolen from St. Benedict Episcopal Church six months ago.","CAM: That is some determined desecration going on.","HODGINS: Yeah, well the bones themselves were covered in a patina of smoke, tobacco, marijuana, meth, animal blood, semen and saliva.","BRENNAN: Who are these people?","CAM: Sweets sent over a briefing. (Hands a file to Brennan.)","HODGINS: Concerts are set up at secret locations, and then only insiders are invited.","BRENNAN: Then how do we find them?","HODGINS: Aha... well, the dried mud from the treads of the boots that were duct-taped to the victim contained bovine fragments and infectious prion proteins.","BRENNAN: A slaughterhouse.","HODGINS: A slaughterhouse closed down due to mad cow disease.","CAM: Death metal enthusiasts prefer morbid, horror-centric venues for performance. In addition, they tend to perform for their fans in the same place they practice and sometimes squat.","HODGINS: (Pulls a map up on his computer that zeroes in on a location.) Like maybe this horror-centric condemned slaughterhouse.","BRENNAN: Wait. How do we know that those are his boots? He was in Norway for months.","CAM: You are going to be so proud.","(Cut to: Exam room. Clark is explaining the boot theory to Brennan.)","CLARK: The victim's foot size is 11, same as his boots.","BRENNAN: We need something more than a matching shoe size.","CAM: He's not finished.","CLARK: Wear on his calcaneus and cuboid suggest our victim walked mostly on the outside of his feet.","CAM: Supinator.","BRENNAN: One percent of the population are supinators. That's a lot.","CAM: One percent of size 11 teenagers isn't good enough?","BRENNAN: (Looks down at the victim's feet.) This missing toe... did it fall off after decomposition, or was it a preexisting condition?","CLARK: That's exactly what I was thinking. (He pulls an image of the inside of the boot up on a screen.) You see here? (Points to the missing depression inside the shoe.) His toes left an impression inside the boot, but there is no impression corresponding with the big toe.","CAM: Are you satisfied that this was the boot worn by the victim while he was still alive?","BRENNAN: It's a reasonable conclusion.","CAM: (To Clark.) You want to say \"King of the Lab\"?","CLARK: (Uncomfortable.) No.","(Cut to: Brennan, Booth and Wyatt riding in the SUV.)","WYATT: So, why do I have the feeling that I'm being taken somewhere terrible for a... a gangland whacking?","BRENNAN: We are going somewhere terrible. (Booth gives her a look.) We are.","BOOTH: Look, we... we need your expertise.","WYATT: Well, I'm sure the estimable Dr. Sweets is more than qualified.","BRENNAN: Booth is lying about needing you.","BOOTH: What?","BRENNAN: He wants to talk you out of quitting psychiatry.","BOOTH: Bones, I was easing into that, okay?","WYATT: As a matter of fact, I might be able to help. You know, as a young man, I dabbled quite extensively in the rock music scene.","BOOTH: (Chuckling.) Oh, wait a second. What, were you, lead dulcimer in a flute band?","WYATT: As a matter of fact, I was the founding member of a proto-glam rock outfit.","BRENNAN: I don't know what that means.","WYATT: It means that for three glorious years, I wore spandex, silver lame, pancake makeup, and played a guitar shaped like a spaceship. I was quite pretty in my way.","BOOTH: Wait. You... you were Noddy Comet.","BRENNAN: What's that?","BOOTH: Noddy Comet! I always wondered what happened to you. You were Noddy.","WYATT: I changed jobs. That's all.","BOOTH: Noddy Comet! I got to get some of those original tapes.","(Cut to: Slaughterhouse. Spew is rehearsing. The music is extremely loud as Booth, Brennan and Wyatt walk in.)","WYATT: Actually, you know, that fellow playing the bass is really rather good.","BRENNAN: What?","BOOTH: Okay, let's shut it down, guys. Come on. FBI, let's go! Hey, I said... FBI shut it down!","(The guitarist, Pinworm, turns and spits on the badge Booth is holding up. Booth clearly gets irritated and turns, then takes out his gun and shoots the amp and speakers.)","BRENNAN: Oh.","WYATT: Yes. Now, if you recall ...it was shooting inanimate objects that had you brought to me for therapy in the first place.","BOOTH: I thought it was a justifiable shooting.","BRENNAN: I agree.","BOOTH: She agrees. See?","(Wrath kicks over the cymbals.)","PINWORM: You going to put your gun down?","BOOTH: Don't rush me, okay? (He wipes his badge off on Pinworm's pants.) I'm thinkin'.","ACT TWO","(Cut to: FBI Building, Interrogation Anteroom. Brennan is on the phone with Booth and Sweets is standing nearby.)","BRENNAN: Well, are you coming?","BOOTH: (In his office, behind his desk.) Nope, I discharged my weapon. I pulled desk duty until the paperwork clears.","BRENNAN: You're fifty feet away.","BOOTH: At my desk, okay, so just put in the earplug and let's do this. Don't tell Sweets about the ear bud.","BRENNAN: (To Sweets.) Booth wants us to interrogate them.","SWEETS: Yeah, he's not really supposed to be watching on his laptop and talking in your ear.","BOOTH: (Overhearing Sweets, speaks into the phone.) So, just tell him that's not happening.","BRENNAN: (Hangs up and glances at a file Sweets has.) These are their real names: Monty Bigelow, Matt Stickney, and Darrel Moss. (Sweets exits the anteroom and goes into the interrogation room. Brennan hangs back and inserts the earbud into her ear.)","BOOTH: (In Brennan's ear.) All right, Bones, so just ease into this. (Watching the interrogation on his laptop.)","BRENNAN: What was Mayhem's real name?","BOOTH: Or you can just go at them like a freight train.","PINWORM: Dabbler.","SWEETS: His stage name was Mayhem, not Dabbler.","GRINDER: Mayhem's a dabbler. A poseur. A douche.","BRENNAN: Do you want to spend time in jail, Pinhead?","BOOTH: You can't actually arrest people, Bones.","PINWORM: We live in a slaughterhouse. You got something worse than that?","SWEETS: Alright, let's start over. Tell us the name that Mayhem's mother and father gave him and we'll charge you with assaulting a federal agent.","BRENNAN: Oh, no, you have that backwards.","BOOTH: No, Bones, he's right, okay? They want to be arrested.","BRENNAN: Oh. Reverse psychology.","SWEETS: That term is almost always misused.","BOOTH: Look, just tell Tapeworm that felony assault is the best you can do.","BRENNAN: Felony assault is the best we can do... Tapeworm.","SWEETS: Take it or leave it.","GRINDER: (Pinworm motions for him to tell them.) Justin. Justin Dancy.","SWEETS: When did you last see Justin?","GRINDER: When I killed him, ate his heart and took his job.","PINWORM: I killed him, too.","WRATH: I never even noticed he was gone.","GRINDER: I ate his face off before I killed him.","BRENNAN: I am so much better at interrogation than I thought.","SWEETS: Those aren't legitimate confessions. All right, guys. Come on, give us a real answer.","PINWORM: About a year ago. When he quit the band. How about those charges?","BOOTH: Whoa, where's he goin'?","(Sweets gets up and walks out of the interrogation room. Booth scrambles to close his laptop and pretend that he wasn't just watching the interrogation on it. Sweets walks into his office.)","SWEETS: Booth.","BOOTH: Yeah?","SWEETS: The one called Grinder is different from the others. His body language displays an emotional connection to the murder victim.","BOOTH: Okay, so, uh, what do you think we should do?","SWEETS: We should arrange to have him cleaned up-revealed, so to speak-so that Dr. Wyatt and I can talk to him and exploit that connection.","BOOTH: Okay... great. You do that. I'll stay here on desk duty.","SWEETS: Okay.","(Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab, Exam Room. Clark is examining the bones of the victim and explaining to Cam.)","CLARK: Posterior ilium, right side, damage to the cortical bone layer, extending into the trabecular.","CAM: This skeleton was carted from DC to Norway, then used as a prop at ultraviolent concerts. There's bound to be damage.","CLARK: I enlarged the x-ray. See the multiple clefts and wastage?","CAM: Suggesting the damage done to the pelvic bone happened very near the time of death?","CLARK: Now, because Dr. Brennan isn't here, I'll guess that these gouge marks came from a knife.","CAM: Someone went digging into the victim's gluteus?","CLARK: Yes. Bone damage consistent with a bullet wound.","CAM: So... the victim was shot in the ass, then killed in some way yet to be determined, then the killer dug the bullet out of the...","CLARK: Gluteus. Yes.","CAM: Okay. Let's have Hodgins swab for trace evidence. God knows what he'll find. Maybe a little piece of Norway.","(Cut to: FBI Building, Conference Room. Dr. Wyatt and Sweets are waiting for Grinder to come in. He enters.)","WYATT: Ah, Darrel Moss. Do, come in. Sit down.","GRINDER: My name's Grinder.","SWEETS: Grinder, have you looked in the mirror?","GRINDER: Where are the other guys? Did you delouse them, too?","WYATT: No, nobody else. Just you, Darrel.","SWEETS: You're the new guy in the band, right? You replaced Mayhem on bass?","GRINDER: I told you. I killed him for the job.","SWEETS: Uh, huh. Dr. Wyatt tells me that you are a skilled, classically trained bassist influenced by... who is it?","WYATT: Jaco Pastorius. But you do everything you can to hide that, don't you?","GRINDER: I never heard of him.","WYATT: No, no, 'cause that would... that would ruin your street cred.","SWEETS: Justin Dancy's remains show evidence of being used as a stage prop for approximately the last six months, four of those in Norway.","GRINDER: His name was Mayhem.","SWEETS: But he wasn't always Mayhem.","WYATT: Just as you weren't always Grinder. (He pushes a photograph across the desk.) Look, there he is. There's Justin. And that's you, Darrel. Justin and Darrel. You see, what we want to do is find whoever it was that killed your boyhood friend.","GRINDER: What makes you think I even know?","SWEETS: Everyone knows everything in the metal world.","WYATT: It's a small world breeding whispers, conjecture... secrets.","SWEETS: You may even have heard rumors of who murdered him.","WYATT: But you're not going to tell us, are you? 'Cause we're outsiders. That would be breaking the code.","SWEETS: So we're just going to ask: Who had him before the Norwegians?","WYATT: Who crucified your boyhood friend?","GRINDER: We would have got him back, you know.","SWEETS: Got him back from who?","GRINDER: Zorch.","WYATT: Excuse me?","SWEETS: That lame deathcore outfit?","GRINDER: They consider themselves deathcore. I consider them crapcore. What they did to Justin, though, was totally awesome. It was brilliant.","WYATT: And what would you have done with Justin if you had stolen him back?","GRINDER: We would have hung him up behind us, man. It would have been epic. Legendary.","(Cut to: Zorch concert. Brennan is on the phone with Booth who is still on desk duty in his office.)","BRENNAN: (Shouting over the music.) I'm disturbed that despite my extensive training as an anthropologist, all of these bands sound alike and appear to share identical belief systems and mores.","BOOTH: Yeah, right, except for the trained anthropologist part, that's how my dad felt about Black Flag and the Dead Kennedys.","BRENNAN: I have no idea what you're saying.","BOOTH: Listen, Bones, I don't want you there alone, okay? Just get a good look at this guy, and you get out; do you understand?","(A man with makeup on approaches and Brennan has to look twice before she realizes that it's Sweets.)","SWEETS: You ready?","BRENNAN: Sweets?","BOOTH: Sweets is there?","BRENNAN: Well, I think it's him.","SWEETS: Yeah, I had to meld to get information. Zorch's lead singer is Murderbreath. (Murderbreath blows fire out of his mouth.) Look at that. Who does he think he is? The guy with the tongue from Kiss?","BOOTH: Do you know what? Just tell Sweets to leave Gene alone. Just get a photo and get out of there.","SWEETS: Zorch and Spew are sworn enemies. It started out with the fans throwing feces at each other, then some attacks.","BRENNAN: Culminating in medieval torture?","(On stage, Murderbreath lifts a large knife and the crowd shouts \"Do it! Do it!\")","BRENNAN: He's got a knife.","BOOTH: Who's got a knife?","(Murderbreath slides the knife across his throat and blood stars flowing.)","SWEETS: Nah, don't worry. It's totally fake.","(Murderbreath grabs his throat and goes down on the stage.)","BRENNAN: That's...not fake.","BOOTH: Whoa, whoa, what's happening?","BRENNAN: Murderbreath slit his own throat. (She pushes through the crowd toward the stage.) Excuse me.","BOOTH: Is he still alive?","BRENNAN: (Assesses the situation.) We need a compress. (She looks around and then rips Sweets' shirt off.)","SWEETS: You could've asked.","BRENNAN: Hold this against the wound. Booth, can you call it in?","BOOTH: Listen, I'm not hanging up, Bones... (She hangs up.)","SWEETS: (Holding the compress against Murderbreath's throat.) Help is coming...","BOOTH: Bones? Bones?","BRENNAN: (The crowd surges forward, many are taking pictures with their phones.) Stand back, please. FBI. Stand back! (She looks down and is surprised to see multiple scars on Sweets' back.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","ACT THREE","(Cut to: FBI Building, Interrogation Room. Murderbreath is being interrogated by Brennan and Sweets.)","MURDERBREATH: Why'd you arrest me? I'm the one with the cut throat.","SWEETS: Oooh. Maybe you shouldn't talk to much.","BRENNAN: Uh, no, his larynx wasn't affected.","MURDERBREATH: This is my actual voice.","BRENNAN: Sounds exactly like when you sing.","BOOTH: (Still watching from his office.) Sounds like gravel in a hubcap.","SWEETS: So, that was a very good night for you. Word gets around that you slit your own throat for real...","MURDERBREATH: You got it. Tonight, I'm a legend.","BRENNAN: Do you have any idea who switched your prop knife?","MURDERBREATH: One of the guys in the band, a fan, someone from another band, maybe I did it myself. Who cares?","BOOTH: I bet it was Spew.","BRENNAN: How about Spew? Evidence indicates that you killed and crucified their bassist.","MURDERBREATH: This just gets better and better. I'm getting credit for that?","SWEETS: Hmm-mm. No. See, the thing is, that same credit could send you to prison.","BOOTH: Okay, listen, Bones, just tell him you don't care if he did it or not, you'll just throw his ass in jail. (She's unsure about this and he can tell.) Look, it's all right to lie during an interrogation, Bones. It's a technique.","BRENNAN: The evidence is inconclusive regarding your guilt, (She stands and slams her hands down on the table.) but I'll damn well make sure it's conclusive!","SWEETS: Whoa, what?","BOOTH: Attagirl. Give it to him.","BRENNAN: I will perjure myself if I have to, because you... make... me... sick, punk!","SWEETS: Dr. Brennan...","BRENNAN: I'll put your ass on death row and laugh at your execution. I will testify that your knife was used to make these gouges. (She walks around the table and shows him a picture, then turns him in his wheelchair to talk to him very near his face.) I will also prove that whatever implements we find-any props, knives, cleavers, all of your stage ware-I will show that it was used to mutilate his remains. (She turns him back toward the table.) Which they probably were.","SWEETS: Good to know.","BOOTH: There's no rock concerts in prison.","BRENNAN: (Sing-songy.) There are no rock concerts in prison.","MURDERBREATH: (Scoffing.) Rock concerts! I want immunity from desecration of human remains.","BRENNAN: No promises, dirtbag! (Slams her hands down on the table again.)","BOOTH: Just tell him that we will talk to the prosecutor on your behalf.","BRENNAN: But we'll see what we can do. (She turns her chair and sits down in it backwards.)","MURDERBREATH: Maybe six months ago, there's a rumor, Mayhem's dead and buried under Bridge 6, westbound lane State Road 66.","BRENNAN: 6-6-6. The sign of the devil.","SWEETS: Who told you?","MURDERBREATH: I dunno. Nobody. Everybody. It was in the air, man. Dug up the bones. Somebody heard about this old Viking torture thing. Sounded like a great gag and it was, until Skall stole it.","BRENNAN: Skall-eh.","SWEETS: Doesn't matter.","BRENNAN: Just trying to help.","MURDERBREATH: I dug him up, stole the cross, fastened the bones to it.","SWEETS: But you didn't kill him. (Murderbreath shakes his head.)","BOOTH: I believe him.","(Cut to: Royal Diner. Dr. Wyatt, Booth and Brennan are sitting at a table near the window.)","WYATT: Now, my last official task as an FBI shrink is to declare you fit for duty. (He holds the gun out to Booth over the table.)","BOOTH: Gordon-Gordon, (taps the table) the gun under the table.","WYATT: I'm sorry. Sorry.","BOOTH: Geez, yes. Fine.","BRENNAN: So, Booth is back?","WYATT: He's back.","BOOTH: Hey, so what's next for you, Doc? I mean, when you stop shrinking heads?","WYATT: I've been accepted by the Institute of Culinary Arts.","BOOTH: You're going to be a chef.","WYATT: That's correct, yes. I'm going to put good things into people instead of taking out things that are bad. Which I know sounds rather Freudian, but... Sigmund's been largely discredited so to hell with him.","BOOTH: I don't see why you can't do both.","BRENNAN: Well, we still don't know who murdered Justin Dancy.","WYATT: Baby steps. You will prevail.","BRENNAN: This subculture, it takes every notion of community and turns it upside down.","WYATT: Well, no matter what they say, the fact remains that they are artists. They create. No true nihilist ever creates. These dark tortured people may rail against the night, but they make music.","BRENNAN: On an oscilloscope, what we call \"music\" is demonstrably distinct from what we call \"noise.\"","WYATT: Your Dr. Sweets liked it as an adolescent. He's turned out rather well...for the most part.","BOOTH: For the most part?","WYATT: Well, I read his book. And, as is the case with most writing, it reveals more about the writer than about the subject matter, which, in this case is you.","BRENNAN: Can you provide an example?","WYATT: For one thing, he finds it extremely frustrating-your lack of willingness to discuss your childhood experiences with him.","BRENNAN: What does that tell you?","BOOTH: No, do not ask him that. He's going to think we both had traumatic childhoods.","BRENNAN: We did. Your father was a violent drunk and mine abandoned me.","BOOTH: (Claps.) Great, thank you. Just tell everybody here at the diner, won't you, Bones? Go ahead.","BRENNAN: Sweets... has scars on his back. Old ones.","WYATT: Really?","BOOTH: What kind of scars?","BRENNAN: Well, like he'd been whipped.","BOOTH: Whipped?","BRENNAN: I saw them.","WYATT: That explains his near-obsession with your childhood trauma, doesn't it?","(Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab; Angela's Office. Angela is at her computer, explaining to Cam and Hodgins.)","ANGELA: Okay, I did an Internet search of Spew's concerts. Now, this stuff is all uploaded from cell phones, so the quality is crap. Alright, check this out. (She runs a video.) This girl runs up. Here's the gun. She fires, then Mayhem literally spews the blood all over the crowd. And there's the blood.","CAM: Okay, obviously fake.","ANGELA: Yeah, it's a set piece. I've seen this same setup maybe 60 times in two years.","CAM: It's the same girl every time?","ANGELA: I'm pretty sure it is. (She zooms in on the girl's face, but it's very pixilated.)","HODGINS: The image quality stinks.","ANGELA: Except I combined all the different cell phone versions... (The imager runs and compiles an image of the girl.)","CAM: Nice. We can get an ID from that. Can you arrange these shows in chronological order?","ANGELA: Well, they all contain embedded cell phone codes so, yeah.","HODGINS: Did he ever bleed from his ass? Because that's where we found the bullet fragments.","CAM: Clark determined that the gunshot wound to the victim's ilium occurred ten months prior to his death.","HODGINS: (Picks out a video from the many running on the screen.) There. (The video is enlarged.) He fell down that time behind the audience.","CAM: Have you got another angle on this? (Angela brings up another video.) Oh, there. The bullet splinters his instrument.","HODGINS: Right into his ass. That's our money shot right there.","CAM: Not so tough when the blood is real, are you, metal boy?","(Cut to: FBI Interrogation Room. Booth and Brennan are questioning Lexi, the girl from the videos.)","BOOTH: So, this is you, isn't it? (He shows her a photograph of her holding the gun.)","LEXI: My manager said not to talk to you until he gets here.","BOOTH: Death metal chicks have managers? (Lexi sighs and reaches into her bag to pull out a CD which she slides across the desk to Booth.) Hmm. Ah, look at that. Metal to what? Power punk?","LEXI: It's a much larger market, but I still retain my artistic integrity.","BOOTH: Right. Do you still shoot bass players in your new gig?","LEXI: Is that what this is about? Not my fault someone replaced the blank with a real bullet.","BOOTH: No, I think you knew that the bullet was there. Otherwise, you would've shot the guy in the neck like every other time.","LEXI: I'm waiting until my manager gets here.","BOOTH: Okay. We can do that. In the meantime, I'm going to show you this picture here. (He stands and walks around the table to put a photo in front of her.) You see... Your boyfriend is flinching before you even pulled the trigger. I say the two of you were working on this together.","LEXI: It was Justin's idea, okay? He was always trying to prove to the other guys he was more hardcore than them.","BOOTH: Was he?","LEXI: Well, uh... he wanted me to shoot him, so, yeah, I gave him his props.","BOOTH: Hmm...","LEXI: So, what? Now that I'm making some money, he's coming after me for shooting him in the ass two years ago?","BOOTH: Justin's dead. He was murdered.","LEXI: (Shocked, starting to tear up.) What? Oh, God, those stupid bastards. Those stupid... You have to get them.","BOOTH: Get who?","LEXI: You know, probably a fan found out. You know, maybe someone in Spew. This is totally my fault.","BOOTH: Okay, found out what? Why is it your fault?","LEXI: Maybe a year ago, he gave me a call saying that, you know, he wanted to get back together, join my band. Some hardcore metal fanatic found out and killed him.","(Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab; Exam Room. Clark and Brennan are still examining the bones of the victim.)","CLARK: The striae and kerf width on each side of the bisected ribs match the saw that the FBI found at the Zorch concert.","BRENNAN: Fingerprints are all Murderbreath's.","CLARK: He already confessed to digging up the corpse and mutilating it. (He walks around the table.) So, you're looking at the greenstick fractures?","BRENNAN: Yes. (She turns to look at him.) Hmm. Would you mind getting on all fours?","CLARK: Uh, is that strictly necessary?","BRENNAN: Yes, please. (She walks to a drawer and pulls out an extension cord then walks back and begins to wrap it around his throat after he's down on all fours.) So the fractures are adjacent to the articulation with the spine.","CLARK: Now, with evidence of inward bowing (Brennan tightens the cord and he gasps)..","BRENNAN: Incomplete fractures, evidence of inward bowing-if I place my knee in your back... (She puts her knee into his back and he goes down.)","CLARK: (Gasping.) Hello! Tunnel vision, Dr. Brennan.","BRENNAN: Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. That scenario explains al the bone damage and fractures.","CLARK: So, stabbed and then garroted?","BRENNAN: What if the wounds to the C5 aren't from a stab, but instead the result of the victim being garroted?","CLARK: The puncture occurred on the back of his neck. But what would do that?","BRENNAN: Barbed wire.","CLARK: Yeah.","(Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab; Brennan's Office. Booth, Brennan, Wyatt and Sweets are sitting around discussing the case.)","SWEETS: Yes, his ex-girlfriend is right. Following her into the mainstream would be seen as the ultimate betrayal.","BOOTH: Mmm, like leaving a cult.","BRENNAN: We think that the victim was garroted, most likely with barbed wire.","SWEETS: The murderer will lay claim. He'll keep a souvenir.","WYATT: Yes, in the same way that a serial killer would.","SWEETS: Right, but it isn't for his own satisfaction. It's a way of boasting of what he's done to the community.","WYATT: Yeah, it's a totem, a signifier of some kind that can only be discerned by the cognoscenti.","BOOTH: Okay, now how are we going to figure this out? None of us speak Italian.","WYATT: (Pointing at Booth.) He does that, doesn't he? He wants to be underestimated. But um, you, you're one of the cognoscenti, Dr. Sweets.","SWEETS: Oh, no. I've outgrown that. Mostly. Okay, maybe sometimes I'll listen to a few bootleg tapes when I've had a bad day...","BOOTH: That's good, because this music sucks and the people who listen to it are defective!","SWEETS: Thank you, so much.","WYATT: I have no doubt that your parents said the same thing to you when you were listening to my music, Agent Booth.","BOOTH: Mmm-hmm. And according to one of your squint reports, a bullet was gouged out of the victim's ass?","BRENNAN: You read Clark's report?","BOOTH: Well, only because I was on desk duty. (Clears throat.) Now, that bullet could be a good totem pole.","BRENNAN: A totem, Booth. A totem pole is much larger.","WYATT: Yes, but nonetheless, it would be a good totem pole otherwise.","BOOTH: So, someone murdered the kid for leaving the fold...","BRENNAN: Then uses a knife to gouge out the bullet.","BOOTH: Buries the body under the bridge.","WYATT: Knowing the cognoscenti will see the bullet and assume he's the murderer.","SWEETS: But Murderbreath finds the body, puts it on display.","BOOTH: Mm-hmm. Stealing credit.","BRENNAN: So, we're looking for a bullet then?","BOOTH: Mm-hmm. And lookit here. Our good, happy friend Pinworm wears a smashed bullet around his neck inside of a cross.","ACT FOUR","(Cut to: FBI Building; Interrogation Room. Booth, Brennan, Sweets and Wyatt are in the Interrogation Anteroom, looking at video of Pinworm who is sitting in the Interrogation Room writing on a pad of paper.)","WYATT: Is it too much to hope that the fellow's scratching out his confession in block letters?","BOOTH: (Zooms the video in on the cross worn around Pinworm's neck.) Right here, right inside the cross: .22 caliber.","BRENNAN: Completely consistent with the mark it left in the victim's ilium.","BOOTH: Okay, Bones and I are going to go in there. What we do not need to hear is a lot of psychological mumbo jumbo stuff in our ears.","(Booth and Brennan exit to enter the Interrogation room, leaving Sweets and Wyatt alone in the anteroom.)","SWEETS: Okay, so are you bored with psychiatry? Is that it, people don't have the capacity to surprise you anymore?","WYATT: Oh, people surprise me. You surprise me.","SWEETS: Me?","WYATT: Few people looking at you would know what you'd been through.","SWEETS: I beg your pardon?","WYATT: Well, you were adopted. And the people who adopted you were an older couple. Probably too old for standard adoption of an infant, meaning you weren't an infant. You were, what... four?","SWEETS: Six.","WYATT: Six, yeah. Special needs. A child who'd been through some sort of hell, a damaged child. But these were loving, wonderful people.","SWEETS: Yes.","WYATT: They saved you...but now they're gone. You're an orphan.","SWEETS: My parents died within weeks of each other.","WYATT: Recently, I'd say. The wound is still fresh.","SWEETS: Just before I came to work here.","WYATT: Yeah. So now, you're mostly alone in the world. But they had time to save you. They gave you a good life, and that's why you believe that people can be saved by other people with good hearts. That's the gift your parents left you. That, and the gift of a truly good heart. That gives you a deeper calling I do not share.","(Sweets takes a deep breath, clearly touched by Wyatt's words. They turn toward the observation window and push the button on the speaker so they can hear what is going on inside the interrogation room.)","PINWORM: I don't remember where I got this bullet.","BRENNAN: Well, you dug it out of Justin Dancy's pelvic bone with a knife.","PINWORM: Hardcore, man. I-I dug it out of his ass, and then hung it around my neck. Legendary. If people think that means I killed him, there's nothing I can do about it. (He leans forward and shows the drawing he's done on the pad of paper to Brennan.) You know... you're one of us. Up to your elbows in corpses and murder. It's hot.","BRENNAN: (Uncomfortable.) Thank you.","BOOTH: So what, was, uh, Lexi like your Yoko Ono?","PINWORM: What is that? A Bible reference?","BOOTH: So let's just say that Justin decided to go with Lexi. What would that do to your band?","PINWORM: No way any member of Spew does that. Never happen.","BRENNAN: Why not?","PINWORM: Well, because we are the real thing, the genuine item. Our music isn't made to be enjoyed. It's made to be feared. It comes straight from hell.","BOOTH: Right. You don't know anything about hell.","PINWORM: And you do?","BOOTH: Well, see, I was a soldier and a cop.","BRENNAN: I've identified hundreds of victims of genocide. I accept hell as a metaphor for what I've seen.","PINWORM: You haven't seen hell until you've been inside my head, dreamed my nightmares. Your delusional, cozy reality doesn't even come close.","(Cut to Sweets and Wyatt in the anteroom.)","SWEETS: He's, uh, he's enjoying this attention.","WYATT: It's what he feels on stage, isn't it? The...the power.","SWEETS: But his sense of power is totally dependent on an audience.","WYATT: (Holds up a finger and then pushes the button to speak into Booth and Brennan's ears.) Ruminate on Milton, Agent Booth. Think Paradise Lost.","BOOTH: (Sits forward and opens his mouth like he's about to speak, but turns to Brennan and whispers.) What does that mean?","BRENNAN: (Whispers back.) Oh, uh, Satan's greatest sin was pride, vanity.","BOOTH: Right, okay-well, you know what? You're free to go.","PINWORM: Uh, what?","BOOTH: Well, my associate here tells me that Murderbreath confessed to the murder and the crucifixion of Justin Dancy, so you're free to go.","PINWORM: Whoa, what? Murderbreath?","BOOTH: Yeah, you're free to go. Come on.","PINWORM: No, Murderbreath did not kill anybody. He weights, what, 40 pounds? Have you not seen Mayhem? Murderbreath didn't strangle somebody with barbed wire. It takes heft to choke a big guy to death.","BRENNAN: Barbed wire?","BOOTH: Wow, well, you know, nobody said anything about barbed wire. (Pinworm knows he's been caught.)","WYATT: I think the correct term is \"gotcha.\" (He high-fives Sweets.)","(Cut to: Booth's House; Kitchen. Dr. Wyatt is standing at the stove stirring something. Brennan is sitting at a small table and Booth is putting on music. The rock music blares.)","BOOTH: Noddy Comet! Huh? Look at that, unbelievable.","BRENNAN: (To Wyatt.) This is you singing?","WYATT: Well, yeah, my alter ego, I suppose you might say. A bisexual spaceman with a taste for six-inch platform shoes, spandex, glitter, and an exhibitionists distain for underclothing.","BOOTH: Well, here's to Gordon-Gordon! Without him we would not have been able to solve the murder.","BRENNAN: I hate to admit it, but it's true. (She and Booth raise their wine glasses.) To Gordon-Gordon.","WYATT: (Turns the music off.) Stop, please. Look, this is exactly what Sweets wanted. I'm too good a psychiatrist ever to leave, et cetera. Well, no... Just put your glasses down, would you? Please. Might I offer you a word of advice regarding young Dr. Sweets?","BOOTH: Might we try to stop you?","BRENNAN: Why do we need advice about Sweets?","BOOTH: We don't. Sweets is just fine.","WYATT: He most definitely is not fine. I've read his book.","BRENNAN: What, does he say something mean about us?","WYATT: On the contrary. You might as well know that he lost both his adoptive parents just before he came to work for your de facto crime-fighting unit.","BOOTH: Geez, what are we? The Land of Misfit Toys?","WYATT: Well, he's a good lad, Sweets, but this book he's writing, he's using it as the vehicle to get what he actually wants, which is... a family.","BRENNAN: So he imprinted on us? Like a baby duck? (Wyatt shrugs.) So what do we do?","BOOTH: Nothing. Okay, Sweets is not a baby duck.","WYATT: He wants what we all want. He wants to find out his place in the world.","BRENNAN: (Looks at Booth.) We can find a permanent place for him. Right?","BOOTH: Aww. Gordon-Gordon is going to want us to divulge or share or bond or something awful.","WYATT: Look, perhaps you might just show the lad that he's not the only one with scars on his back.","BRENNAN: But he is. (Wyatt gives her a look.) Too literal.","WYATT: By the way, what I'm making here, this is the masterpiece that got me accepted into the Culinary Institute. All right? But it doesn't keep. So, uh, be back in an hour, yeah?","BOOTH: Let's go.","BRENNAN: But where are we going?","BOOTH: Duck hunting. Come on.","BRENNAN: Not literally. (Booth quacks.) Right?","BOOTH: Come on. (Quacks again.)","WYATT: (Goes to the stereo and puts Noddy Comet back on and starts dancing.) Oh! I miss you, rock and roll. I really do.","(Cut to: FBI Building; Sweets' Office. Booth and Brennan enter. Sweets is sitting at a desk writing.)","BRENNAN: Sweets? Hi.","SWEETS: (Turns and looks at them.) What are you doing here?","BOOTH: Well, uh, Gordon-Gordon is, uh, making dinner for us at my place, family-style. And, um, you're invited.","SWEETS: Thank you, but I've actually got a lot of work here...","BRENNAN: (Booth turns to go but turns back when Brennan starts talking.) My foster parents locked me in the trunk of a car for two days when I broke a dish. I was a very clumsy child. They warned me it would happen, but the water was so hot and the... (Tearing up) soap was so slippery. I still don't think it was fair, even though they gave me fair warning. (Voice breaking.) The water was so hot...","SWEETS: No, it wasn't fair at all. It wasn't your fault.","BOOTH: (Takes a handkerchief out of his pocket and holds it out to her. Whispers.) Bones, what are you doin'?","BRENNAN: You said that scars on the back was a metaphor. Isn't that why we're here? To metaphorically compare scars?","BOOTH: (Whispering.) I came to bring Sweets back to my place for dinner, that's all. (She takes the handkerchief.)","SWEETS: Scars on the back?","BRENNAN: I saw them, Sweets.","SWEETS: So.. (sighs) what? You decided to just share something from your past? (Brennan nods.) That is so unlike you.","BRENNAN: I still hate psychology. (Turns to Booth.) Okay. Your turn. Go.","BOOTH: (Shrugs.)I came here to bring Sweets back to my place for dinner, that's all. (Brennan gives him a look.) Okay, if it wasn't for my grandfather, I probably would've killed myself when I was a kid. That's all I'm going to say on the subject matter. Understand? Are you okay, Bones?","BRENNAN: Yeah, I'm fine. Here. (She folds up his handkerchief and puts it in the front pocket of his suit over his heart, pressing her hand to it. He covers her hand with his for a moment before she withdraws her hand.)","BRENNAN: (To Sweets.) Why are you nodding?","SWEETS: Nothing. Just... Wyatt made an observation about you two, and I think I just saw what he saw.","BOOTH: You coming?","BRENNAN: Booth means that we'd like it if you joined us.","SWEETS: Thank you.","BOOTH: Great. Here we go. Let's go. (Booth and Brennan take Sweets by an arm and walk out with him.)","BRENNAN: Gordon-Gordon is making cassoulet.","BOOTH: It's stew. It's bean stew.","BRENNAN: Cassoulet is better than regular stew, Booth.","BOOTH: Just because it's French doesn't mean it's better.","SWEETS: It sounds better than stew.","BRENNAN: See?","BOOTH: It's stew.","BRENNAN: It sounds better.","BOOTH: It's stew.","(The scene pans down to the cover of Sweets' manuscript. It has a handwritten title that says \"Bones-The Heart of the Matter\". Crossed out underneath it is \"Opposites Attract: Yin and Yang in the Workplace\" by Dr. Lance Sweets, PsyD, PhD)"],"Show Title":"Bones","Episode Number":"04x21","Episode Title":"The Mayhem on the Cross","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Bones_04x26.json","Recap":["All of the regular characters are seen living different lives. Booth and Brennan are married and own a nightclub called \"The Lab\", but when a body is found at the club, Detectives Cam Saroyan and Jared Booth are called to investigate. However, not everything is as it seems. For example, Caroline Julian, normally a federal prosecutor, is a defense lawyer, and Sweets is the frontman of the band Gormogon , who was a cannibalistic serial killer. It is subsequently revealed that Booth has been in a coma for several days due to his tumor operation and that the life he saw was possibly only a dream or a hallucination. It is also revealed that Brennan had been writing at his side, possibly narrating her story out loud as she wrote it, causing Booth to hallucinate what he did. She ends up deleting her work. The episode ends with Booth awakening from his coma without any memory of who Brennan is."],"Transcript":["\"The End in the Beginning\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","TEASER","(Interior BOOTH and BRENNAN'S APPARTMENT - BEDROOM, 4:47 AM. BOOTH is sleeping)","HODGINS: [narrating] People say you only live once, but are as wrong about that, as they are about everything.","(BRENNAN enters)","HODGINS: [narrating] In the darkest moments before dawn a woman returns to her bed. What life is she leading? Is it the same life the woman was leading half an hour ago? A day ago? A year ago?","(Pan to BOOTH)","HODGINS: [narrating] Who is this man? Do they lead separate lives, or is it a single life shared?","BRENNAN: Do you love me?","BOOTH: Yeah. Do you want me to prove it to you?","BRENNAN: Mmm, if you're not too sleepy...","(BOOTH kisses BRENNAN)","HODGINS: [narrating] A storm approaches. A still over the horizon, but there is lightning in the air. Are either of them aware of the gathering turbulence? Can the feel the crackling of electricity in the wind? Or are they only aware of the power they generate between themselves?","BOOTH: Ooh, I love when you do that.","BRENNAN: [giggles]","(Cut to morning. 5:43 AM.)","HODGINS: [narrating] The first hint of the storm is not a thunderclap. It is a knock.","(There's a knock at the front door)","BRENNAN: Get it!","BOOTH: [groaning] No. You get it!","BRENNAN: No, you get it!","BOOTH: You get it!","(BRENNAN pulls sheet off BOOTH)","BOOTH: [groans]","BRENNAN: [giggles]","BOOTH: Aww! Great, I get it.","(BOOTH answers the door in BRENNAN'S floral bath robe)","BOOTH: What? What?","(CAM and JARED are waiting at the door)","CAM: Morning. I'm Detective Saroyan.","BOOTH: Yeah, I know who you are. You're my brothers' partner.","(CAM flashes her Police badge)","JARED: She prefers the term \"boss\".","CAM: Official visit. See the badge?","(BRENNAN enters)","BRENNAN: What's going on?","BOOTH: Aah! There's my robe!","CAM: A body was found at your nightclub.","(Cut to: exterior of THE LAB, BOOTH and BRENNAN'S nightclub. BOOTH and BRENNAN pull up in THE ALLEY behind the club in their Mercedes. There are two Police cars also in the alley, as well as a number of Police officers.)","BOOTH: So who was still at work when you left?","BRENNAN: Zack came in just before four. Brought the car around for me. And then Fisher was supposed to come in at five so that they could do an inventory. Do you think it was one of them?","BOOTH: Well, you know, they should have said more than \"there's a body\".","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE PLATFORM)","ZACK: They found him laying in the bathroom.","BRENNAN: Is it terrible?","FISHER: Uh when Zack saw it he, he screamed. I heard him from the kitchen.","ZACK: Yelped, not screamed.","(CAM enters)","CAM: Ready?","(BRENNAN leaves)","ZACK: I was taken aback!","FISHER: Yeah, it was a scream.","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE TOILETS. A foot is visible from one of the cubicles.)","HODGINS: [narrating] She has never seen a dead body before.","(CAM, BOOTH and BRENNAN enter)","HODGINS: [narrating] He was in the Army and has seen too many.","(CAM opens cubicle door to reveal a man shot in the chest.)","JARED: Recognise him?","BRENNAN: No.","(BOOTH and CAM exchange glances.)","JARED: You didn't see this guy last night?","BRENNAN: No.","BOOTH: Neither one of us was in the floor much last night.","JARED: What about this?","(JARED crouched and pokes a matchbox on the floor near the deceased's foot)","JARED: You ever hear of a place called, uh, \"Amicangelo's\"?","BRENNAN: [shakes head] uh uh.","CAM: Which one's closer to the washroom, your office, or the kitchen?","BRENNAN: My office.","CAM: How is it that the chef heard your assistant shout, but you didn't hear a gunshot?","BRENNAN: Maybe I'd already gone home, I left at 4am.","JARED: But coagulation suggests that time of death occurred between 1 and 3am.","CAM: Obviously you weren't where you said you were, so where were you?","BRENNAN: From midnight until 4am I was in my office, then I went home.","BOOTH: Let's go Honey. Thanks. Thanks a lot.","(BRENNAN and BOOTH leave)","CAM: You think that was insensitive?","JARED: I dunno, implying that she was cheating on her husband maybe could've waited until he wasn't standing right next to her.","CAM: Why? They bust up and you finally get a crack at her. It's what you want, right?","(CAM leaves)","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE BAR)","CAROLINE: I know you all worked late last night. Maybe short on sleep, but I need to prepare you for what happens next. Anybody not heard about our murder?","(Pan to WENDELL, DAISY, ANGELA, VINCENT, SWEETS AND FISHER, all shaking their heads)","CAROLINE: Good, 'cos you are all suspects.","(CAM enters, followed by the deceased being wheeled away on a gurney)","CAM: Somebody turned off the security cameras.","SWEETS: You think one of us is the killer?","CAROLINE: You mind, Detective Saroyan, I am conferring with my clients.","(CAM rolls her eyes and leaves)","VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Are you in fact acting as our solicitor in this matter?","CAROLINE: I am the nightclub's lawyer. You are welcome to call up your own.","ANGELA: Well if we didn't do it, why do we need a lawyer?","DAISY: I didn't kill anyone!","WENDELL: Zack screamed when he saw the body, so he's off the hook, right?","ZACK: Yelped!","FISHER: He screamed like Slutty Girl #1 in a teen horror flick.","CAROLINE: From here on in you do not answer questions you don't get asked!","(Cut to: interior THE HOMICIDE DIVISION - THE INTERVIEW ROOM. FISHER is being questioned by CAM and JARED, CAROLINE is present as his attorney.)","FISHER: Consider me your top suspect, CAROLINE: Oh for God's sake!","FISHER: I'm a trained chef, alright. Finest schools in Europe. But my professional life consists of cooking chicken wings designed to make people drink more beer. I'm a man on the edge.","(JARED throws a file of Crime Scene photos to FISHER)","CAM: Your wings have been voted best in the city two years running.","FISHER: Not best. Tallest. I'm the originator of the \"Tower of Wings\", which'll probably be on my tombstone.","(FISHER looks at a Crime Scene photo of the deceased)","FISHER: Never seen him before in my life.","CAM: You're the hostess, you see everyone who comes in.","(Cut to ANGELA)","ANGELA: Uh maybe if you had a picture of him alive, I don't have a very visual imagination.","(Cut to DAISY)","DAISY: He looks like a lot of guys. Is that his real hair?","(Cut to WENDELL)","WENDELL: [shakes head]","CAROLINE: Let the record show that my client is indicating with his head that he does not recognise the victim, like all my clients. Next question.","CAM: Have you witnessed any... altercations, any differences of opinion at the club lately?","(Cut to ANGELA)","ANGELA: Well, Mr. B, I mean, that's what we all call Mr. Booth, told this hip-hop impresario, \"C-Sync\", who is actually very cute, by the way, that he would never book him, or any of his acts into the club.","(Cut to VINCENT)","VINCENT: C-Sync, yeah, he's alright, inn'e. He's right hand full of talent, left hand full of street cred, due to the fact that his brother's a big time gangsta.","JARED: Clark Edison, aka C-Sync, you restrained him from lunging at your boss?","(Cut to WENDELL)","WENDELL: [squints at JARED]","(Cut to CAM and CAROLINE looking at each other quizzically, then back at WENDELL)","(Cut to DAISY)","DAISY: I heard C-Sync shouting all the way at the back of the coat check. He was mad.","JARED: You're aware of a city councilman named Max Keenan?","(Cut to SWEETS)","SWEETS: Everybody knows Max. He's around all the time. Max Keenan is upset because he never got his \"facilitators fee\" for getting city council to re-zone us for live entertainment.","CAM: Why would crooked politician tell you about not getting a pay off?","SWEETS: I'm a bartender, I'm practically a phycologist.","(Cut to CAM looking exasperated)","ZACK: A Persian named Ara Something wants to buy the nightclub JARED: Arastoo Vaziri?","ZACK: Bren's met with him about forty times. Mr. B does not want to sell.","(Cut to DAISY)","DAISY: It was me who shut off the security cameras. I wanted some privacy with my boyfriend, whom I will not name.","(Cut to FISHER)","FISHER: OK, me and Daisy, look we have a thing. But the thing that we have isn't, you know, isn't a boyfriend-girlfriend thing. It's a thing. It's just not a thing.","(Cut to ANGELA)","ANGELA: Miss Julian warned us that you have to make an arrest in this case, and I just wanna say that just because Jared Booth and I went out on a couple of dates, and he cannot accept the fact that it is going no where, does not mean that I should go to gaol.","JARED: Didn't your lawyer tell you not to answer any questions you weren't asked?","CAM: Should I mark your people down as \"stupid\" or \"uncooperative\"?","CAROLINE: Put 'em down as \"well represented\".","CAM: How about I put 'em down as \"accessories after the fact\"?","(Cut to: Interior THE ROYAL DINER. BRENNAN and BOOTH are at the counter eating.)","BRENNAN: How long will the club be shut down?","BOOTH: Oh, well, as long as they want, it's a murder scene.","BRENNAN: Financially that's gonna hurt.","(MAX enters)","MAX: I'm your councilman, maybe I can help.","BOOTH: [laughs] What's that going to set us back?","MAX: I want you to consider the possibility that this unfortunate incident, BRENNAN: You mean the homicide.","MAX: Maybe if you had remembered to reimburse the people that went out of their way to get you that zoning change, BOOTH: Ok, really, what're you gonna do, put the squeeze on us retractably?","MAX: Why's it so hard for your husband to see the ways of the world?","BRENNAN: Because he wants me to be proud of him.","(Cut to: interior THE HOMICIDE DIVISON - OFFICES)","CAM: I'm afraid you won't be able to reopen the nightclub for quite some time, BRENNAN: Well, where can I appeal that decision?","CAM: Wow, what they said about you was true!","BRENNAN: What's that?","CAM: That you're kind of a cold fish.","BRENNAN: Well if by cold fish you mean pragmatic and rational, then that's what I am.","CAM: No I meant more like somebody when a human being is murdered cares more about reopening the club than capturing the murderer.","BRENNAN: Well, I have my job, and you have yours.","(CAM and BRENNAN enter CAM'S OFFICE)","CAM: Where were you really last night? Who were you with?","BRENNAN: I had a very satisfying go-around with my husband at about 5 this morning, how about you?","CAM: The victim was killed by a shotgun wound to the chest. Guns are loud, but you did not hear it. You were not in the building. Either we talk about this now, maybe it goes no further, or otherwise I've gotta pursue this line of enquiry in a graceless manner.","BRENNAN: So this is blackmail.","CAM: You pride yourself on being pragmatic, I figured you'd appreciate the logic.","(Cut to: interior THE HOMICIDE DIVISION - THE STAFF ROOM. JARED is getting a cup of coffee while BOOTH leans on the door jamb)","JARED: This guy, the Persian, or whatever, how bad does he want your place?","BOOTH: Who? Viziri? He's the kinda guy who won't take no for an answer. Why?","JARED: Because the guy comes up shady. But he's got an alibi for last night. Twin hooker alibis. Now I'm gonna tell you something Cam doesn't even know yet. Coroner's found fibres inside the bullet track, from something used to muffle the gun.","BOOTH: Well that'd explain why Bren didn't hear the shot.","JARED: Yeah, well, it's amazing what forensics can do these days. Now, if we happen to find that particular item, it could lead straight to the killer.","BOOTH: So you think I know where it is?","JARED: I'm just saying the best thing is that item never shows up.","(JARED exits)","(Cut to: interior BOOTH'S CAR)","BRENNAN: Cam says everybody thinks I'm a cold fish.","BOOTH: Nah, what you are is Iceland. Cold to the touch, but underneath you're all volcano.","BRENNAN: (giggles) I don't like people thinking that I'm a cold fish.","BOOTH: Look if you were really a cold fish, you wouldn't care.","BRENNAN: You used logic on me. That's sweet. (rubs BOOTH'S neck)","BOOTH: (laughs)","BRENNAN: Cam says the reason I didn't hear the gunshot is because I'm cheating on you.","BOOTH: Oh well, Jared thinks I'm, you know, the killer, and he's helping me get away with it, BRENNAN: So you're a murderer, I'm unfaithful... we are a very exciting couple.","BOOTH: Except the real reason you didn't hear anything is because the gunshot was muffled.","(BOOTH'S phone rings)","BOOTH: That's Caroline's phone. What's she calling for?","(BOOTH answers the phone)","BOOTH: Hello, you've reached Bonnie and Clyde, BRENNAN: Murderers Incorporated ,","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE BAR. CAROLINE is on her cell phone)","BOOTH AND BRENNAN: (over the phone) How may we help you?","MAX: Yeah, it's Max,","(Cut back to: BOOTH'S CAR)","BOOTH: Max, what're you doing on Caroline's phone?","(Cut back to THE LAB)","MAX: I don't own a cell phone. Big Brother always knows where you are when you've got a cell phone.","CAROLINE: I guess when you're as shifty as Max here, paranoid is good.","MAX: You're open for business tonight.","(Cut to BOOTH'S car)","BRENNAN: Well how'd you pull that off?","CAROLINE: (over the phone) Let's say....","(Cut to: THE LAB)","CAROLINE: I went in the front door, Max slipped in the back, and we got it covered.","(Cut to: BOOTH'S car)","BOOTH: What does that even mean?","MAX: (over the phone) It just means that you've gotta remember","(Cut to: THE LAB)","MAX: what they say about one hand washing the other.","(CAROLINE hangs up phone)","CAROLINE: That particular clich\u00e9 pertains to people with clean hands, Max. You do not qualify.","(CAROLINE exits, camera focuses on WENDELL who is standing near the PLATFORM)","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE CATWALK. VINCENT moving boxes of his DJ equipment around, ZACK is watching him)","ZACK: There's a blood stain on the bathroom wall, VINCENT: Yeah, someone smashed the victim's head against the wall, knocked him out, then came back and finished him off with a shot to the chest. A very cold-blooded execution, in fact.","ZACK: How did you know that?","VINCENT: I eavesdropped on the cops. Also, they're looking for something that was used to smother the sound of the shot.","(VINCENT removes a panel from one of his equipment boxes, revealing a gun atop his DJ gear)","ZACK: (moves over to the equipment box and removes the gun) Why do you have a gun?","VINCENT: (startled) Ooh! I'm English, alright. We don't use guns. We use our foreheads. What you've most likely picked up is the murder weapon.","ZACK: (replaces gun in the equipment box) Why would the murderer hide the gun in your stuff?","VINCENT: Perhaps because the murderer sussed me out as, you know, the type of fellow who'd be smart enough to get rid of it. Evidently he didn't expect you to be here when I discovered it.","ZACK: You mean we should get rid of it?","VINCENT: You and I are not in collusion.","ZACK: Why not?","VINCENT: Because you're the type of moron who goes to gaol for a murder he didn't commit, and I am not.","ZACK: Then, whatta we do?","VINCENT: OK, what I should do is kill you with the gun, and then tell the cops that you attacked me after confessing to the murder. (holds up hand for a high-five)","ZACK: (looks uncertainly at VINCENT)","(Cut to: exterior THE LAB)","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE BAR. SWEETS is behind THE BAR, while HODGINS sits at THE BAR)","SWEETS: It's hard to believe that someone was murdered just over there.","HODGINS: Means nothing to me, a best selling pulp crap crime novelist. I trade in death daily. (takes a sip from his drink) Theoretically. What liquor best exemplifies death by substance abuse?","(SWEETS shrugs)","HODGINS: Irish Whisky? (puts on an Irish accent) 'Course, but which spirit best represents murder most foul?","SWEETS: You know, everyone who works here is a suspect? I'm working with the murderer.","HODGINS: (with Irish accent) Do you have a picture of the poor b*st*rd who was murdered?","(SWEETS reached under the bar for his phone)","SWEETS: Fisher sent this to me this morning before the cops arrived.","HODGINS: Ooh! (leans forward to grab the phone)","SWEETS: (hold phone to his chest) I'll only show you if you lose the Irish accent.","HODGINS: (holds up his hands to say OK)","SWEETS: Take a look (gives HODGINS the phone)","HODGINS: (looks at the photo on the cell phone) This may was obviously a hired killer.","SWEETS: You get that from a phone pic?","HODGINS: His hair, his suit, his ring. The fact that I talked to him last night. Here.","SWEETS: (shocked) You? Here? In this bar? I didn't see him.","HODGINS: (disbelieving) Gottcha. Yeah, right, none of us did. Very good. Murder most foul.","(Cut to: interior THE LAB- THE PLATFORM. CLARK walking up onto THE PLATFORM, followed by BOOTH, BRENNAN and CAROLINE)","CLARK: Can you feel that? I mean this place is magic! Your stage has mystic properties (kisses his fingers)","BRENNAN: That is a ridiculous urban legend.","CLARK: Then explain to me how so many of the people who've played here over the years have gone on to fame and fortune?","BOOTH: Maybe it's because we have good taste.","CLARK: This place had the power before you got here, and'll have it after you're gone. All I want is my piece of the legacy. (Spins around) C-Sync baby! And if you had good taste, you would book me first, and then each of my prot\u00e9g\u00e9s thereafter, ya dig?","BOOTH: Well, dig this. I recognise you're personal talent, but we won't book you or you're... BRENNAN: Prot\u00e9g\u00e9s, BOOTH: Because of your bro-tha CLARK: So, you're just brazenly racist.","CAROLINE: This is exactly where I did not want this conversation to go.","BRENNAN: My husband is concerned about your gang ties. Which is not you, but is your brother.","CLARK: Look, there's Kane, and then there's Able. Do you see a mark on my forehead? Nah. So that makes me Able. And on top of that, how're you gonna penalise my prot\u00e9g\u00e9s because of my brother? How is that fair?","CAROLINE: (to BOOTH) As your lawyer I must advise you, if Mr. Edison lodges a suit, CLARK: (mouths \"lawsuit\" at BOOTH)","CAROLINE: the outcome is not assured in our favour.","BRENNAN: We will discuss it. Since we are partners.","(VINCENT enters)","VINCENT: Hi hi. Listen, I know whatever you're doing is very important but, C-Sync? C-Sync!","CLARK: Hey!","VINCENT: Wasswah!","CLARK: Be glad you're a pasty white albino, Vinny.","VINCENT: Cheers. Uh, I need to talk.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE CATWALK. VINCENT'S equipment boxes. BOOTH looks at the gun sitting on top of the DJ gear)","BOOTH: Wooo, oh no.","VINCENT: 200 million unregistered guns in the country, this one finds its way into my gear.","BOOTH: Anybody touch it?","(Pan to ZACK who raises his hand)","(Cut to CAROLINE looking at the gun on the DJ gear)","CAROLINE: Did anybody touch it?","BOOTH: Zack did.","CAROLINE: (sighs)","VINCENT: Legally, it's with my stuff, can I, like claim it as my own and toss it into a volcano?","BRENNAN: Caroline is an officer of the court. She has to report it. Right?","CAROLINE: I sure as hell do now!","(Cut to BOOTH and BRENNAN looking at the gun in the DJ gear)","BOOTH: 38, right? Matches the murder weapon.","BRENNAN: Zack touched it.","(CAM enters, looking at the gun in the DJ gear)","CAM: Will you two let me do some of the detecting, please? (picks up gun with her pen) Saturday Night Special. Totally disposable.","(Pan to HODGINS, leaning on the railing of THE CATWALK)","HODGINS: My theory, it's the murder victims gun. Taken away from him by persons unknown, who shot him in the chest then hid it here, thinking that Vincent would find it, panic, and throw it away because he's, well, English.","CAM: Who is this now?","CAROLINE: Jack Hodgins, very successful crime novelist.","CAM: They never get anything right.","VINCENT: I'm not going to fair well in gaol. I'm lovely.","BOOTH: Don't worry Vincent, I'll bail you out.","BRENNAN: (clears throat and puts her hand on BOOTH'S shoulder)","BOOTH: You too, Zack.","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE BAR VINCENT is handcuffed and being led out of THE LAB by CAM)","HODGINS: No Vincent, no DJ. No DJ, no entertainment. You carpe your diem, bub.","SWEETS: (serves HODGINS a drink) You mean the band?","HODGINS: Get the girl to smack the tambourine, and maybe you've got a shot.","SWEETS: You mean Angela?","HODGINS: Of course I don't mean Angela. You don't stand a chance with Angela. Her. (motions towards DAISY) Pansy, or Buttercup... SWEETS: Daisy?","(ARASTOO enters)","HODGINS: The mysterious Persian real-estate mogul who's been trying to buy our home away from home. What various reasons does he have?","ARASTOO: I want this club because I know how to turn it into a gold mine.","HODGINS: Boring.","ARASTOO: Good business, like a good marriage, is outwardly boring.","HODGINS: (looks at ARASTOO incredulously)","ARISTOO: Sorry.","(Cut to: exterior THE LAB - THE ALLEY. BOOTH is sitting on the bonnet of his car while WENDELL talks to him from the back door of THE LAB)","WENDELL: So, I go home a little before 3. Check to make sure that Bren has locked up the safe. I wonder, did somebody taped the door after I checked it? 'Cos this guy got in somehow.","BOOTH: The dead guy, or, uh, whoever killed him.","(WENDELL crouches down and fiddles with the lock of the door)","WENDELL: There's nothing tacky on the bolt here, so it's wasn't taped. That means that either the dead guy hid in the club after closing, or Bren let him in after my sweep.","BOOTH: Nah, she didn't.","WENDELL: Whoever killed this guy had a key or was also already in the club.","BOOTH: Bren wasn't the only one inside the club.","(WENDELL and BOOTH exchange glances)","BOOTH: You seem pretty sure this is the way it played out.","(WENDELL shifts)","WENDELL: The dead guy, chats me up last night.","BOOTH: (shocked) OK, why didn't you tell the police?","WENDELL: Creepy old guy trespassing around our club during the night. I know what I'd do if I caught him.","BOOTH: (pauses) Did you catch him?","WENDELL: (pauses) Nope, did you? 'Cos until I get the specific answer to that question, my loyalty is with you.","BOOTH: I didn't catch him, but I appreciate your loyalty.","WENDELL: (nods his head, holds a finger to is mouth to say he'll keep quiet and beats his fist over his heart)","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE BAR)","(FISHER enters carrying a \"Tower of Wings\")","(Pan to BOOTH entering, carrying a carton of wine. BRENNAN and ARASTOO are talking at THE BAR)","BOOTH: Hey Arastoo, how you doing?","BRENNAN: He's making me another offer on the nightclub.","BOOTH: How big of a bump do we get for murder?","BRENNAN: The offer is lower.","ARISTOO: The place is under a cloud. Things like this occur when people are not reasonable.","BOOTH: Implying that you're behind the murder, trying to scare me to sell. Ballsy move, pal.","ARASTOO: Behind it? No, merely taking advantage. It's good business.","BOOTH: Right, well, my club's not for sale, but my booze is. So either get a drink or get the hell out of here.","(BRENNAN and ARASTOO exchange glances)","(SWEETS enters)","SWEETS: Hey, Booth, Bren, heard about Vincent being arrested. Can my band audition?","BRENNAN: No.","BOOTH: (imploringly) C'mon, what's the harm? Be ready in one hour, pal.","SWEETS: (pumps fists in the air) Yes! You won't be disappointed.","(SWEETS exits)","BRENNAN: (to BOOTH) Why?","BOOTH: I've got a soft spot for the kid.","BRENNAN: We are made of soft spots. You're still gonna make the call, right?","BOOTH: Of course I'm gonna make the call, I'm not soft in the head.","ARASTOO: What is \"the call\"?","BOOTH: It's why I own this place, and you never will. OK? So, drink? Or are you gonna leave?","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - BRENNAN'S OFFICE BRENNAN enters BRENNAN'S OFFICE, ANGELA runs in behind her)","ANGELA: Hey! Awkward, very awkward. Awkward.","BRENNAN: Angela, what is awkward?","(ANGELA takes a folded up napkin from her pocket and gives it to BRENNAN)","BRENNAN: It's a floor plan, for the nightclub.","ANGELA: Yeah, I drew it. For the murder victim, last night. (moves over to BRENNAN'S couch) You know how what I really wanted to do was interior decorating, right? I mean, I'm very good, I sort of have a knack. (picks up a cushion from BRENNAN'S couch and ruffles it) And he told me that he owned a nightclub, and that he'd hire me to... and I figured that he was probably hitting on me, but then Jared showed up and asked me out for, like, the hundredth time, BRENNAN: Why are you showing this to me?","ANGELA: Because if I show it to Mr. B, his head will explode. You're a cooler customer.","BRENNAN: I'm not a cold fish, I'm Iceland.","ANGELA: (scoffs) OK, If I had a better grasp of geography I might know what you mean.","BRENNAN: Why would his head explode?","ANGELA: Well, note the X. At this office. Traditionally, X marks the spot.","BRENNAN: The safe? You think he wanted to rob us?","ANGELA: Well, yeah, maybe, or it's possible that the X marks a whole other objective. The only thing left is... BRENNAN: Me.","ANGELA: (impersonates BOOTH'S head exploding)","(Cut to: interior THE ROYAL DINER. BRENNAN is meeting with MAX)","BRENNAN: (slides the napkin with the floor plan that ANGELA drew to MAX)","MAX: Why didn't you show this to the police?","BRENNAN: Because they'll take it without telling me what it means.","MAX: What do you think it means?","BRENNAN: People know the best way to hurt him, MAX: Is to hurt you.","BRENNAN: (nods)","MAX: The Persians are capable of sending a very bad message.","BRENNAN: What do you mean, \"bad message\"?(puts the napkin back in her bag)","MAX: Head cracking, leg breaking, neck snapping, finger snipping. Like that. It's possible they sent this guy...","BRENNAN: To break my legs?","MAX: And the gang-bangers make him, and they kill him to make a statement.","BRENNAN: (pauses) So Booth was right about the gang-bangers?","MAX: Everyone serves somebody. Something you husband refuses to accept.","BRENNAN: I know he's stubborn.","MAX: He's a man of principle, and I mean that as a terrible insult. Now, if he had just paid me off, none of this would have happened.","BRENNAN: Who do you work for that could scare of the Persians and the gang-bangers?","MAX: Ask your brother-in-law about the Gravedigger.","BRENNAN: Because he's a cop?","MAX: Because he and I work for the same guy.","(BRENNAN'S phone rings)","BRENNAN: (answers the phone) Hello?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Cut to: interior THE HOMICIDE DIVISTION - THE CONFERENCE ROOM. CAM has a file in front of her, CAROLINE is seated next to her, BRENNAN and BOOTH are opposite and JARED is standing behind)","CAM: The murder victim's been identified as Dick Worstenbach,","(CAM slides the file over to BOOTH)","JARED: He was a security officer for a waste disposal company in Newark.","CAROLINE: (laughs) A mobster named \"Worstenbach\", what's the world coming to?","BOOTH: So what was he doing at our place?","JARED: That's a mighty fine question.","(JARED and BOOTH eye each other off)","(BRENNAN removes the napkin with the floor plan of THE LAB from her handbag and slides it over to CAM)","CAM: Where did you get this?","BOOTH: What's that?","BRENNAN: It was slipped to me anonymously by somebody who drew it for Worstenbach last night.","JARED: Your office is marked.","CAM: Which means that Worstenbach was in your club last night, but nobody saw him.","(BOOTH leans forward from his chair)","BOOTH: Excuse me Cam, but this proves that Worstenbach was sent to hurt my wife.","CAM: That is one of out theories, yes.","BRENNAN: Could the Gravedigger have sent Worstenbach?","JARED: Now where did you dig that up?","CAROLINE: Isn't he some old mobster type; has his finger in every pie?","JARED: There's no Gravedigger.","CAM: Max likes to say he works for the Gravedigger, makes him scary.","JARED: Exactly, so forget the Gravedigger.","(CAROLINE pouts and rolls her eyes)","CAM: Our first job is to find out who killed Worstenbach, finding out who sent him is totally secondary.","BOOTH: Right, but here in the real world, when do we get our DJ back?","CAM: Never.","(BOOTH sighs and rolls his eyes)","CAM: You people are lying to me, and until I find out why you can't have your DJ, (to BRENNAN) nor your assistant, nor anybody else I can scoop up.","CAROLINE: Now, now, it's blatant police brutality to use the word \"nor\" so aggressively!","(Cut to: interior BOOTH'S CAR)","HODGINS: [narrating] Violent death. Murder. It sends out shockwaves. The closer you are to it, the greater the shock.","BRENNAN: Max told me that he works for the Gravedigger.","BOOTH: (snorts)","BRENNAN: He told me something else. He said that Jared works for him too.","BOOTH: (hits steering wheel)","BRENNAN: Don't get so mad! Max could be lying.","BOOTH: Look I'm mad because I don't find it hard to believe at all! Alright? Did Max give you the napkin?","BRENNAN: No. Angela.","(BOOTH looks at BRENNAN quizzically)","BRENNAN: What?","BOOTH: What? What do you mean \"what\"? Why're all of our employees holding out on the cops?","BRENNAN: They love us. Especially you.","BOOTH: They love us. We're loveable. So, OK, what math gets them to obstruct justice?","BRENNAN: They all know that you'd kill anyone who was going to hurt me, and that man, Worstenbach, was going to hurt me.","BOOTH: They think I'm the killer.","BRENNAN: That's the math that gets them to lying to police and obstructing justice.","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE PLATFORM. SWEETS and his band \"GORMOGON\" are auditioning to become the new entertainment for the club, DAISY is accompanying on the tambourine)","SWEETS: Hey, so, uh, we're Gormogon, um, I mean, the name of the band is Gormogon. Some people think that I'm Gormogon, but I'm not, it's like how there's no-one named \"Floyd\" in Pink Floyd... BOOTH: Just play, Sweets.","SWEETS: Yeah, ok...","(SWEETS begins to play the intro on keyboard)","BRENNAN: \"Gormogon\" is a stupid name. What does it even mean?","(GORMOGON perform the song \"Never ending Summer\")","(Pan to WENDELL, FISHER, ANGELA and HODGINS sitting at THE BAR watching Gormogon performing)","ANGELA: (to HODGINS) Man, I'm telling you, I'm looking at Sweets in a totally different way!","HODGINS: Really?","(CLARK enters, looks down his nose at GORMOGON, rolls his eyes and walks away)","(GORMOGON finish playing, everybody claps unenthusiastically except for ANGELA, BRENNAN and DAISY)","ANGELA: Whoo hoo!","SWEETS: Thank you!","BRENNAN: That was wonderful. (to BOOTH) That was wonderful.","(Pan to FISHER sitting at THE BAR drinking)","FISHER: Why did they even invent piano?","(Pan to THE PLATFORM)","BOOTH: You see it's, uh, it's, uh, a nightclub, and people they gotta, they gotta dance, not just... DAISY: Fall in love.","SWEETS: (laughs nervously)","(Pan to FISHER at THE BAR looking exasperated)","DAISY: (voice-over) You're really good.","SWEETS: (voice-over) Oh, stop,","(Pan to THE PLATFORM, BOOTH is being joined by CLARK)","BOOTH: Uh, it was great stuff, though. But people, they gotta, uh, they gotta... it's a dance club, big, big noise. You understand.","SWEETS: Alright.","CLARK: (to BOOTH) Hey, my brother would like to talk to you, he's waiting out back.","BOOTH: Right,","(Pan to WENDELL watching the conversation between BOOTH and CLARK looking concerned)","BOOTH: (voice-over) uh Sweets why don't you play another song for the girl, there.","(BOOTH leaves THE PLATFORM, leaving BRENNAN)","BRENNAN: (sighs happily at GORMOGON)","(Pan to BOOTH leaving THE BAR, he is closely followed by WENDELL. FISHER is still sitting at the bar looking frustrated)","(GORMOGON begin to play another ballad)","FISHER: (exasperated) Oh c'mon!","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE BACK OF THE LAB. BOOTH opening the door out onto THE ALLEY)","WENDELL: What's going on, boss.","BOOTH: Oh, I've got a meeting with an angry gang-banger in the alley. Why?","WENDELL: I've got my gun.","BOOTH: You've got a gun?","WENDELL: (checks the magazine of his gun) He's the leader of a gang. He's killed people. And, he hates your guts. I ain't a mathematician, but that adds up bad.","BOOTH: Alright, hang back.","WENDELL: Alright.","(BOOTH goes through the back door and into THE ALLEY, locking WENDELL inside THE LAB)","(WENDELL is surprised to see the door slam in his face, and presses down on the handle to try and open the door)","WENDELL: Whaa?","(WENDELL turns to go back into THE LAB)","GRAYSON: (voice-over) I want my brother to play in the club!","(BOOTH is then thrown by GRAYSON into the door, and is then heard to be bashed)","WENDELL: Open the door, Boss! I'm right here! C'mon...","(BOOTH is thrown against the door again. WENDELL is taken aback)","(Sounds of a vicious fight come from THE ALLEY)","WENDELL: I'm coming!","(Cut to THE PLATFORM. GORMOGON is still performing. BRENNAN is watching. WENDELL comes running in and whispers in BRENNAN'S ear before they both turn and run)","(Cut to THE ALLEY, WENDELL and BRENNAN come around the corner to find both BOOTH and GRAYSON sitting on the back of a delivery truck)","BRENNAN: (voice-over) Who is that?","WENDELL: (voice-over) C-Sync's brother. Head of the gang-bangers.","(WENDELL cocks his gun and aims it at GRAYSON)","WENDELL: Don't move, or I'll blow your head off.","(JARED and CAM enter. JARED cocks his gun and aims it at WENDELL'S head)","JARED: You wanna drop that?","(WENDELL uncocks his gun and hands it to JARED)","JARED: Thank you.","(Pan to BOOTH who is bleeding from a gash to his left eyebrow)","BOOTH: Hi Honey!","BRENNAN: Hey, you OK?","BOOTH: Yeah. You should see the other guy.","(Pan to GRAYSON who is clearly unharmed)","JARED: (to CAM) So who do you wanna arrest?","CAM: (sighs) Let's take 'em all.","(Cut to: interior THE HOMICIDE DIVISION - THE INTERROGATION ROOM. BOOTH and GRAYSON are seated next to each other, both handcuffed to their chairs)","GRAYSON: Look Man, my brother don't sag, slag or bang.","BOOTH: What about you?","GRAYSON: (scoffs) Man, Clark barely talks to me, ya dig?","BOOTH: Why do you care?","GRAYSON: He's my brother. And, your club is on my block. Do the math, Man.","BOOTH: Look, I've been here before, OK. The place becomes a gang hangout, East Coast meets West Coast, somebody gets popped.","GRAYSON: Says the dude with a dead body in his bathroom.","BOOTH: Yeah, for all I know, you did it!","GRAYSON: I pop somebody; I don't muffle the shot, brother,","(Pan to CAM and JARED watching the conversation behind the one-way mirror.)","GRAYSON: (voice-over) I shoot him right up in his face. Ask anybody. Look, Man, what if I decree your place off limits to my crew or any other crew?","(Pan to BOOTH)","BOOTH: You can decree?","GRAYSON: He's my brother, Man. I wanna see him get his cheese, see his face on buses.","BOOTH: (chuckles) Fine. C-Sync in da house.","(BOOTH and GRAYSON go to shake hands, but their hands are handcuffed to the seat. They bump fists in agreement instead)","(Pan to CAM and JARED behind the one-way mirror)","JARED: You still think it could be him?","CAM: Nope, he'd of taken credit if he did it, used it to scare your brother. This guy's got nothing to do with Worstenbach's murder. Let 'em go.","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE BAR. BRENNAN, BOOTH and ANGELA are having a conversation)","BOOTH: (to BARMAN) Thanks BRENNAN: Now they have my assistant, our doorman and our DJ... ANGELA: Well, I can watch the door until they release WENDELL.","BRENNAN: What about entertainment?","ANGELA: I thought that Sweets was fantabulisticulious.","BOOTH: Uh, we got \"The Crue\".","ANGELA: What crew?","(SWEETS and DAISY enter. SWEETS' face is covered with lipstick marks, and DAISY is wiping her mouth)","SWEETS: Hey, uh, so Daisy told me something, and I figured you need to know.","DAISY: That murdered guy? I sorta had a conversation with him... BRENNAN: And you didn't tell the police?","SWEETS: Well, it's what they discussed that's important.","ANGELA: It's Daisy, so they discussed s*x.","DAISY: That's mostly true.","BRENNAN: OK, please, what is the point?","DAISY: Well, Lance's songs were so romantic, which made me amorous... SWEETS: Oh, maybe skip ahead a little bit, DAISY: Oh, well, Lance was afraid we'd get caught because I am not abashed about noise, BRENNAN: OK is it skip, ahead or point that she doesn't understand?","DAISY: Well, I told Lance that I knew a place where a couple in love could find some privacy.","(BRENNAN looks at DAISY imploringly)","DAISY: Oh! Which is what I also told Worstenbach.","SWEETS: Yeah, and that's the point.","(Cut to THE LOST AND FOUND, DAISY, BRENNAN and BOOTH are all present)","DAISY: When Wendell does his sweep, he never checks the lost and found.","BOOTH: Worstenbach could've hid back here,","(Pan to BRENNAN crouching over to pick up a match)","BOOTH: (voice-over) and waited for the club to be empty.","BRENNAN: Remember all those wooden matches around the body? (holds up the match to BOOTH)","BOOTH: He was here!","BRENNAN: (to DAISY) Why didn't you tell the police you saw Wostenbach?","DAISY: Fisher says that Mr. B probably killed the guy to save you, and that we should do everything we could to impede the investigation. Was that wrong? It felt right.","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - BRENNAN'S OFFICE. ZACK is lying on BRENNAN'S couch without any shoes on)","(BRENNAN enters, and is shocked to find ZACK on her couch)","BRENNAN: What? They let you out!","ZACK: Yes. Someone stole my shoes.","BRENNAN: (chuckles) Of course they did.","ZACK: Sweets found your coat.","BRENNAN: I don't get the connection.","ZACK: It was jammed into a case of premium gin. He brought it to me. I found the bullet hole.","BRENNAN: Someone used my coat to muffle the gunshot.","ZACK: (nods)","BRENNAN: Well, what'd you do with my coat?","(Cut to THE STORAGE ROOM, SWEETS and ZACK are moving boxes to show BRENNAN where they've disposed of her coat)","BRENNAN: (looks into a bucket and sees the charred remains of her coat) That's my expensive Belgian Corduroy coat?","SWEETS: I decided to douse with pure grade alcohol and burn it.","BRENNAN: So you two conspired to keep this big secret from the rest of us.","SWEETS: Mr. B had the strength to smash the guy's head against the wall, and you had the, ZACK: Clarity of will to shoot him.","BRENNAN: Is that why you picked up the gun? In case my fingerprints were on it?","ZACK: I've learnt a lot from Mr. Hodgins' books.","(Cut to: interior BOOTH and BRENNAN'S APPARTMENT - BEDROOM. BOOTH is getting changed)","(BRENNAN enters)","BRENNAN: Zack and Sweets found my Belgian Corduroy coat and burned it because it had a bullet hole in it.","BOOTH: Oh, wow, are you serious?","BRENNAN: Yeah, the figured you bashed his head against the wall and I shot him.","BOOTH: Should I be upset that everyone thinks that we're murderers, or just happy that everyone's trying to help us get away with it?","BRENNAN: You should recognise that everything they do to try to help just makes us look more guilty! Especially you.","BOOTH: Why me?","BRENNAN: Because you are strong enough to bash his head into the wall and I'm not.","BOOTH: Oh, so, are we having some doubts?","BRENNAN: Not about anything important. Here.","(BRENNAN goes over to fix BOOTH'S tie, BOOTH kisses BRENNAN)","(Cut to: exterior THE STREET - THE ROYAL DINER. JARED and BOOTH are walking together)","JARED: Yeah, the fibres we found in the wound track are Belgian Corduroy, how'd you know?","BOOTH: We can't find Bren's coat!","JARED: If it's in that club we'll eventually find it so, BOOTH: Yeah, I know, I heard you the first time! Get rid of it, burn it, whatever. The problem is, I didn't kill the guy.","Max says that you're in the Gravedigger's pocket. Did he send this man?","JARED: Max is nuts, and crooked as a stick in water.","(JARED and BOOTH enter the ROYAL DINER)","BOOTH: Oh, hey, hey, somebody put this Worstenbach guy on Bren.","(JARED looks down)","BOOTH: What?","JARED: You're not gonna like it.","BOOTH: Somebody comes into my club to hurt my wife, of course I'm not gonna like it!","JARED: Bren was cheating on you with the Persian.","BOOTH: (scoffs) You got that wrong.","(JARED pulls some phone records from his jacket pocket)","JARED: She met with him over a dozen times, over 70 phone calls over the past two weeks. How many times a day you talk to her?","(BOOTH looks at JARED incredulously)","JARED: This is what happened. They get into a thing, it goes south, Bren figures that it's not true love and that the Persian wants her for your nightclub.","(BOOTH stands up, JARED does too)","JARED: And then he threatens her, he sends this Worstenbach guy on the job, but you don't see it, because you don't use your head. You think that everything you feel is true,","(BOOTH punches JARED in the face and walks out)","JARED: You need to grow up.","(Cut to: interior THE LAB. BOOTH enters, ANGELA is checking the guest list)","ANGELA: Hey, Mr. B. Anybody else get arrested?","BOOTH: Not that I know of. Hey, listen, Ange, you know the napkin you drew for Worstenbach, ANGELA: Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I didn't know what he wanted it for, BOOTH: No, uh, I know that, I, uh, just, why wasn't it finished?","ANGELA: Oh, well, I got interrupted.","BOOTH: Interrupted? By who?","ANGELA: By Jared. He came in to ask me out.","BOOTH: (scoffs) Jared saw Worstenbach and the napkin?","ANGELA: (nods)","BOOTH: Right. You seen Max?","ANGELA: Yeah, uh, table 11.","(BOOTH walks over to TABLE 11 where MAX is seated, on the way he passes a ROADIE for MOLTLEY CRUE)","ROADIE: (to BOOTH) Hey, as soon as The Crue gets here we'll do a sound check.","BOOTH: That's great.","ROADIE: What time you want us to go on?","BOOTH: Midnight.","ROADIE: You got it, give or take.","(BOOTH arrives at MAX'S TABLE)","BOOTH: So, the cops think I committed the murder!","MAX: The cops are the least of your worries. Make the payment.","BOOTH: Right, you tell the Gravedigger that unless he's willing to kill me, it's over. Oh, one more thing, anything happens to my wife, it's you I'm coming after.","MAX: Woah, woah, woah, me? I'm just the messenger!","BOOTH: (scoffs) Oh, I don't know how you got Jared to believe that crap, but my gut is telling me you're nobodies messenger.","(BOOTH exits, MAX calls after him)","MAX: It's only money! I hate it when people say that.","(Cut to: interior THE LAB. CLARK is entering with an entourage of women. He waves to BRENNAN and BOOTH who are standing on THE CATWALK above THE PLATFORM)","(Pan to BRENNAN and BOOTH on THE CATWALK)","BRENNAN: So, did the police try to convince you that I was having an affair with Arastoo?","BOOTH: It's what they do, you know, drive wedges.","BRENNAN: It wouldn't be irrational to think that I was having an affair with him. He's very handsome.","BOOTH: Yeah, I'd feel if the energy was bad between the two us, I'd know. The same way that you would know that I couldn't murder someone.","BRENNAN: I do believe that you would murder someone for me. And I believe that you'd lie about it so I wouldn't have to carry that burden.","RANDOM GIRL: Tommy! Tommy! I love you!","(Pan to THE PLATFORM, MOTLEY CRUE enter)","BRENNAN: Hey, Nicky! Vince!","NICKY: S'up!","BOOTH: Excellent update on the lid, Nick.","(MOTLEY CRUE do their sound check)","MOTLEY CRUE'S MANAGER: Listen, go bigger, go louder, or just go home.","(Pan to BRENNAN and BOOTH on THE CATWALK)","BRENNAN: (to BOOTH) How did you convince them to leave Crue fest and appear here?","BOOTH: Benefit for the kids.","BRENNAN: We're doing a benefit for sick kids? Aww!","(BRENNAN kisses BOOTH'S cheek)","BRENNAN: Poor Cam and Jared. You know, if this murder is any inclination, I don't know how any homicide is ever solved. When everyone lies, everyone has a secret agenda. I'm glad we're nightclub owners and not crime solvers.","BOOTH: I know who did it.","BRENNAN: So do I.","(Cut to WENDELL, VINCENT and CAM entering THE BAR)","WENDELL: Awesome, it's the Crue!","VINCENT: I've been bounced by a rock band!","(MAX exits the club, whispering in CAM'S ear on the way out)","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - BRENNAN'S OFFICE. BRENNAN and BOOTH are entering)","BOOTH: When did you realise it wasn't me? (pours himself a large drink of whiskey)","BRENNAN: You would kill for me, I know that, but whoever did this knocked him out, got my coat, before executing him. You would never do that. Jared is different.","BOOTH: My brother killed a man to save my wife. What are we gonna do? (takes a large sip of whiskey)","BRENNAN: Do? We thank him and shut-up.","BOOTH: Bren, this is murder!","BRENNAN: It's more like a rescue.","BOOTH: Not everything is just so clear to you!","BRENNAN: It is this time.","BOOTH: I don't think I can live with this.","(WENDELL enters)","WENDELL: Boss?","(Cut to: exterior THE LAB - THE ALLEY. BOOTH, BRENNAN and WENDELL are exiting THE LAB into THE ALLEY. CAM is holding JARED at gunpoint, CAROLINE and MAX also enter)","JARED: I'm not going to prison.","CAM: GPS puts you in this building at the time of the murder.","MAX: Hey, I told you, no cell phone, no GPS. Should listen to me.","CAM: Lose the weapon Detective.","JARED: (shakes his head)","BOOTH: Jared, just take out you gun.","JARED: Oh, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. You ready? I'm a quick b*st*rd.","CAM: By the barrel, nice and slowly.","JARED: That's not how it's gonna go.","(JARED reaches down to his holser)","JARED: We both know how this is gonna go.","(CAM cocks her gun)","(BRENNAN walks between CAM and JARED)","BOOTH: Bren!","BRENNAN: It's OK, it's all ok. (to JARED) Thank you.","(CAM lowers her gun)","BRENNAN: You helped us. Now please, let us help you.","(JARED gives his gun to BRENNAN, who then passes it to CAM)","ANNOUNCER: (voice over) Please welcome to the stage, Motley Crue!","CAM: Put the handcuffs on, Jared.","(JARED handcuffs himself)","(Cut to: interior THE LAB - THE PLATFORM. MOTLEY CRUE play \"Dr. Feelgood\")","(Scene fades to white, then fades back to THE LAB at closing time)","HODGINS: [narrating] You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering; that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart; maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks.","WENDELL: (voice-over) Locking up now, Boss!","(Pan to BRENNAN'S OFFICE, BOOTH is standing in the doorway while BRENNAN stands behind her desk)","BOOTH: Thanks, Wendell. You know, I think you're right, you know, I think we should sell out.","BRENNAN: You're not afraid of this Gravedigger person?","BOOTH: Nah, I told him if he didn't leave us alone I'd kill him. And he believes me.","(BOOTH sits down in an armchair)","BRENNAN: You mean you told Max to tell him.","BOOTH: Yeah.","BRENNAN: Mhm. Caroline says if they can't trace the gun to Jared, they can't find my coat, he's going to walk. We can't sell the club; your brother might need a job. Plus, I have another confession.","BOOTH: What?","HODGINS: [narrating] You see two people and think they belong together, but nothing happens,","(BRENNAN sits herself on BOOTH'S lap)","BRENNAN: Well, you know that glass of wine that we share every night?","BOOTH: Yeah... BRENNAN: I have to stop that.","BOOTH: Oh c'mon, Bren. Just because you have one glass of wine every night with your husband, doesn't mean you're an alcoholic.","BRENNAN: That's not why.","(BOOTH realises what BRENNAN is trying to say and grins)","BOOTH: No way!","BRENNAN: (chuckles)","BOOTH: Yeah!","(BOOTH kisses BRENNAN)","BOOTH: You are pregnant! There's a little baby boy, huh?","BRENNAN: Or girl... HODGINS: [narrating] The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable.","(Scene fades to BOOTH lying in a hospital bed after his brain surgery, BRENNAN is sitting in a chair next to the bed typing on her laptop: \"You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart; maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens which -.\" [NOTE: Text differs from HODGINS narration slightly])","HODGINS: [narrating] That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on out backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens that-","BRENNAN and HODGINS: [narrating] allow us to fly.","(BRENNAN looks over at BOOTH and then back to her computer. She considers what she has written, and then deletes it)","BOOTH: Such a weird dream, BRENNAN: Booth? Booth! You're awake!","BOOTH: So real.","BRENNAN: You're operation was a success, but you reacted poorly to the anaesthesia. You've been in a coma for the past four days. What took you so long to wake up?","BOOTH: It felt so real.","BRENNAN: It wasn't real.","BOOTH: Who are you?","(BRENNAN is taken aback and looks hurt)","END."],"Show Title":"Bones","Episode Number":"04x26","Episode Title":"The End in the Beginning","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Bones_05x20.json","Recap":["The remains of two witches, one of which is from the Salem witch trials from the 1600s and the other a modern day Wiccan , are discovered in the remains of a burnt out cabin. Booth and Brennan investigate the world of Wicca, including discovering the Wiccan group of which the victim was a part. Hodgins and Angela wind up in jail after some reckless driving and have to work the case from the jail cell. After spending quality time together, they realize they are still in love. Hodgins subsequently proposes to Angela and they are married by the judge who hears their case."],"Transcript":["ACT ONE","TEASER:","[EXT: WOODED AREA. The scene opens in or near a forest clearing and turns to focus on a burned-out building. Crows are cawing. The chimney is left standing amongst blackened timber supports. FIREMEN are crawling all over the place. One walks through the building, instructing others.]","FIREMAN 1: Saunders, Dubovich, check these hot spots and we're good to go.","[He turns into what is left of a room and addresses the fireman in it. CONNOR is probably played by Bruno Amato, though iMDb does not address him by name.]","FIREMAN 1: What's up, Connor? Hey, pop this wardrobe. Don't want a flare-up dragging us back out here this weekend.","CONNOR: Yeah.","[CONNOR is wearing a firefighter helmet emblazoned with the number 92. He takes a fire extinguisher to the wardrobe standing near them. It opens, revealing a skeleton with gray hair, wearing an antique wedding dress. This is \"The Witch in the Wardrobe\".]","CONNOR: Whoa!","[FIREMAN 1 turns in surprise and stares at the skeleton.]","CONNOR: That's a new one on me.","[The image of the skeleton fades out until we can see just its skull over an image of the Jeffersonian crew arriving sometime later. BRENNAN and BOOTH exit his Suburban, while ANGELA and HODGINS have come in a Prius. They all make their way toward the house. Everyone is wearing Jeffersonian jumpsuits except BOOTH, who is in his typical clothes with beige trench coat. A sheriff car is parked nearby.]","[Unsurprisingly, BRENNAN and BOOTH are engaged in another heated discussion.]","BRENNAN: Order in successful societies depends upon enforced rules.","BOOTH: People can do the right thing left on their own.","BRENNAN: History shows otherwise. A weak government will always spawn mutiny and rebellion.","[The camera turns to reveal two officers standing with the car. One disappears quickly, and the one who remains is SHERIFF GUS ABRAMS, played by Wade Williams and hereafter referred to as SHERIFF.]","BOOTH: You don't believe in human decency under any circumstances?","BRENNAN: Not as a means of controlling a population, no. The result would be anarchy.","SHERIFF: I have to say I agree with the pretty lady on this one. Without the strong arm of the law, we're animals. [He tips his hat.] Sheriff Gus Abrams, thank you for coming out here.","BRENNAN: What caused the fire?","[BRENNAN and BOOTH follow the SHERIFF into the house, while ANGELA and HODGINS remain outside.]","SHERIFF: Well, it could be arson. The fire boys say they didn't find any sign of an accelerant. The source of the flame looks like a lit candle.","BRENNAN: Was someone killed?","SHERIFF: Well, that's why we asked for you people.","[They all enter the area of the house with the opened wardrobe. SHERIFF and BRENNAN are looking at the skeleton when BOOTH comes in, having taken the long way around. We see ANGELA and HODGINS have moved to do their thing at the side of the house.]","BOOTH [stepping over piles of stuff]: Whoa-ho.","[He comes around and sees the skeleton. This will be later referred to Skeleton 1.]","BOOTH: Whoa! Okay. Is that real, Bones?","[BRENNAN is touching the skeleton's mandible, studying the neck area.]","BRENNAN: Yes.","SHERIFF [uncomfortably]: I was hoping \"no.\"","BRENNAN: The bones were already dry and de-fleshed prior to the fire.","[Focus on ANGELA and HODGINS unpacking near some rocks.]","BRENNAN [cont]: The victim was elderly, female. [She leans in.] Oh!","BOOTH [looking up from his notes]: \"Oh\"? Wait, you usually don't say \"oh.\"","BRENNAN: It was an indication of my surprise.","BOOTH: Well, I know that, but why?","BRENNAN: The bones have been rearticulated.","SHERIFF: Is that bad?","BRENNAN: The skeleton has been reassembled, quite amateurishly. [She indicates the lower arm.] See how the right ulna has been placed with the left radius? BOOTH [semi-sarcastically, pretending he gets it]: Yeah, shoddy. That's shoddy work.","[We return to ANGELA, who is kneeling by the rocks and taking a photo.]","ANGELA: Hey, guys? Yeah? Uh, Hodgins noticed that there's a path all the way around the house.","[Aerial shot of BOOTH crossing the \"room\" to look at what they are talking about. There is a circle of what looks like gray ash, about a foot wide, around the house.]","HODGINS: And Angela noticed that it was a circle.","BOOTH: Looks like it acted as a firebreak.","HODGINS: Also dusted with some fine powder.","[Crows caw. BRENNAN looks up intuitively. The birds are perched in a bare tree some distance away.]","SHERIFF: Oh, those are crows. You city people may not be familiar.","[BRENNAN moves to the birds. The others follow and the crows scatter.]","BRENNAN: Crows are carrion birds, Sheriff. They scavenge for fresh kill.","BOOTH: Uh-oh, when she starts flopping her elbows like that, she's hot on the trail for something.","[BOOTH and the others cross the house, following BRENNAN.]","ANGELA: Well, I don't want to think about what she's after.","[They all arrive where BRENNAN is tentatively approaching a bundle in another part of the house. Close-ups reveal a partially crushed skull, mouth open, and covered in a white substance. Everybody, meet Skeleton 2.]","BRENNAN: Booth?","BOOTH: Yeah?","[BRENNAN points.]","BOOTH: Oh. Okay, oh. Let's get this...","[They begin lifting objects from on top of the remains. After a minute they reveal the body. The skeleton is wearing red shoes.]","ALL: Whoa!","ANGELA: Oh, God. [She is anticipating HODGINS' next move:] D-don't say it.","HODGINS: Oh, I've got to. \"We aren't in Kansas anymore.\"","[There is a pause as the skeleton's feet curl.]","BOOTH: Whoa, okay. I don't like it when dead things move. Did you see that? It was moving there.","[HODGINS and BRENNAN kneel down, interested. Close-up on the red shoes as the screen blurs to a cut.]","[INT: JEFFERSONIAN. The bodies are on tables on the platform. CAM swipes her card and walks up the stairs.]","CAM: Who do you want to start with? The Wicked Witch of the East over here-East, right?","CLARK: Right. Uh, she wore the red shoes.","BRENNAN: We should start with the more recent remains.","CAM: Which are sealed up. [She puts on gloves.] What is it with this job and corpses encased in mystery wrap?","CLARK: Dr. Hodgins says it's most likely polystyrene ceiling insulation that melted in the fire and coated the body.","BRENNAN: Could he explain the sparkle?","CLARK: Fluorescent bulbs exploded afterward, shattering over the polystyrene.","BRENNAN: Perhaps you and Dr. Hodgins can find a way to unseal the remains.","CAM: Well, let me see if I can get in here.","[She inserts a magnification tool into the skeleton's nasal cavity. Meanwhile, CLARK is pointing to x-rays of the arms.]","CLARK: Wire ligatures around the wrists indicate foul play.","CAM: No evidence of smoke inhalation. She was dead before the fire.","[She stands and looks at Skeleton 1.]","CAM: Now... that one is just weird.","BRENNAN: These bones were found in a sealed wardrobe. It preserved her in fire.","CLARK: Uh, female, also Caucasian. Uh, 40 to 50 years old.","BRENNAN: There's evidence of spinal kyphosis, which would have given her a hunched posture. This stain, here on the forehead, is the result of contact with copper. I've seen this before in disinterred bodies because of the copper hardware on coffins.","CAM: So, somebody robbed a grave, strung together a skeleton and stuck it in a wedding dress?","BRENNAN: That's a reasonable conclusion.","CLARK: These are greenstick fractures. Extreme force was applied to the chest. And there's a clean-edged indentation of the spinous processes, L2 and L3.","BRENNAN: Thoracic crushing, combined with the puncture wound... This woman was subjected to a kind of torture that was used in the 17th century.","CAM: Torture?","BRENNAN: These injuries are consistent with a form of punishment used during the Salem Witch Trials.","[Close-up on the skeleton's skull, wisps of gray hair spread over the table.]","CAM [OS]: She was a witch?","[CUT to MAIN TITLE THEME and CREDITS.]","ACT TWO","[EXT: ROAD. A Prius drives toward the camera. ANGELA and HODGINS are in the Prius, leaving the crime scene.]","ANGELA [from inside car]: You know what I think? I think Cam sent us both to the crime scene because of the tension between us.","[Camera is now inside the car. HODGINS is driving. ANGELA is fiddling with her camera, not looking at him.]","HODGINS: \"Tension\"? Hey, there's no tension between us.","ANGELA: Yeah, at first I thought it was because I'm suddenly--I don't know--available again. And then I thought maybe it was because you think that I treated Wendell badly.","[She looks at him.]","HODGINS: Hold on. Wendell said that it was totally mutual. He said that you were wonderful.","ANGELA: I'm not sure how I feel about you two discussing me.","HODGINS: Not \"discussing\" you. Complimenting you.","[She gives him a look.]","HODGINS: Okay, fine. No more compliments. [pause] You don't look good today. Your smile is ordinary at best, and it is not cool that we finally get to work together again in the field.","ANGELA: Okay, that's fine. I can live with that.","[There is a beep from the camera as she finds a picture to show him.]","ANGELA: Yeah, this symbol is very creepy on this chimney.","HODGINS: All right, let me see.","ANGELA: See?","HODGINS: Oh, yeah. It could be a lot of things.","[He is distracted by the pictures and outside the car, we see he drifts across the lane. There is an alarm from inside the car and he jerks the car back to safety.]","HODGINS: Whoa! What is that?","ANGELA: Oh, the Prius helps you stay in your lane. [She indicates an area of the console.] That's kind of cool.","HODGINS: It is cool. Let's do that again.","[He does. The SHERIFF is driving behind him, sees him swerve lanes and turns on the sirens.]","HODGINS: Oh, that is not cool.","ANGELA: I didn't even see him there. That's pretty sneaky. Pull over. I'll pour on the charm.","[They pull over. SHERIFF approaches the car. HODGINS sees him in the side windows]","HODGINS: It's Sheriff Abrams from the crime scene.","ANGELA: Oh.","HODGINS: Oh, perfect.","SHERIFF: Good afternoon, sir. I observed you crossing the double-yellow. How much have you had to drink today?","HODGINS: Sheriff Abrams, it's us. Hodgins and Angela. We just left the crime scene. We're heading up north to drop off our stuff at the lab.","SHERIFF: I know, Dr. Hodgins. I'm just following the law. Have you had anything to drink today?","ANGELA [flirting]: Hi, Sheriff. Listen, um, I really do like a man in uniform who loves his job. So, uh, neither one of us has had anything to drink. No.","SHERIFF [leaning down]: Hello, Ms. Montenegro. But I'm afraid I need the driver to respond.","HODGINS [sarcastically]: Yeah, yeah, I've had several martinis, some absinthe and a barrel of mead.","SHERIFF: License and registration, please.","ANGELA: He was kidding. He's just being an idiot.","SHERIFF: You, too, please.","[CUT.]","[INT: DINER. SWEETS, BRENNAN and BOOTH are seated at the bar.]","SWEETS: A real Salem witch? That's awesome!","BOOTH: Relax. Simmer down.","BRENNAN: The strontium isotope results verify Massachusetts.","SWEETS: Oh! Can I see it?","BOOTH: What's the big deal?","SWEETS: My first published work concerned the collective sociopathology behind the Salem Witch Trials. I'm a leading expert.","BOOTH: Shrinkery meets witchery. [To BRENNAN] Now, your head's probably about ready to explode, huh?","BRENNAN: It's a completely acceptable arena of study, even for a psychologist.","SWEETS: Thank you. At last, I feel validated.","BRENNAN: Most cultures believe that some sort of supernatural power can be elicited through ritual. Like, uh, you going to church.","BOOTH: Right. Well, at least I don't ride there on my broomstick.","SWEETS: Most witches align themselves with the Wiccans, but witchcraft is an extremely heterogeneous subject which encompasses the dark arts like evil spells, sacrifices...","BOOTH: So you're saying this creepy, old witch came back from the dead to kill this victim?","BRENNAN: No.","SWEETS: No, no. Of course not, but we are talking about a three-century-year-old body that was rearticulated and costumed as a virgin, are we not, Dr. Brennan?","BRENNAN: Well, given that women in those times were expected to be virgins on their wedding days, that's... reasonable.","SWEETS: I want to work on the case.","BOOTH: What are you going to do, cast a spell? Heh.","SWEETS: I want to see if I could find a link between the old witch and the new witch.","BOOTH: All right, you know what? Go for it. It's all yours.","BRENNAN: There's no evidence that the other victim was a witch.","BOOTH: Aside from the fact that she was wearing red slippers and her feet curled up after she was dead.","[His phone rings.]","BOOTH [into phone]: Booth.","SWEETS: What?","BRENNAN: There's a completely scientific explanation for it.","BOOTH [into phone, repeating what he's been told]: B-Y-R-D, Cheri Byrd.","[He hangs up.]","BOOTH: That creepy house belonged to a woman by the name of Cheri Byrd, and she has a surviving brother.","[CUT.]","[INT: BOOTH'S OFFICE. BOOTH is there with the victim's brother JESSE, played by Peter Holden.]","JESSE: Are you sure it's Cheri?","BOOTH: Dental records confirm her identity. When was the last time you spoke to your sister?","JESSE: Two, three months ago. Someone made an offer on the house. Our grandfather left it to us both. I wanted to sell. She refused. We haven't spoken since.","BOOTH: You don't seem too surprised that she's dead.","JESSE: Cheri and I used to be really close. You know, but, uh, last ten years, she got into some really... weird stuff.","BOOTH: Witchcraft?","JESSE: Yeah.","BOOTH: Mm-hmm.","JESSE: Started ordering us to call her Zephyra. I told her I wouldn't. Thought it was stupid.","BOOTH: The fact that she didn't sell the house, that didn't get you upset or angry?","JESSE: No. No, I didn't care about the money. I, I wanted her to move to the city. Thought her mind might go back to normal if she saw more people.","BOOTH: Who wanted to buy the house?","JESSE: Guy named Mario Trivisini, Trivisonno... Making some big development. Said Cheri's place was the key.","BOOTH: \"The key,\" why?","JESSE: Lake access. When Cheri said no, he had to give up on the whole project.","[CUT.]","[INT: HODGINS' OFFICE. CLARK is performing an experiment in HODGINS' absence. There is a contraption with solutions trickling into Styrofoam cups. CLARK tinkers with it. CAM appears in the doorway.]","CAM: Oh. You're not Hodgins.","CLARK: He's not here, and I can't wait any longer.","CAM [puzzled]: Wait for what?","CLARK: Dr. Brennan wants me to identify the best solvent to remove polystyrene from the bones. So I put myself in the mindset of Dr. Hodgins and came up with this experiment.","CAM: I have a new appreciation for Dr. Hodgins.","[There is an awkward pause.]","CLARK: ...Okay. [He continues, indicating.] This device slowly fills each polystyrene cup up with kerosene, propylene, turpentine, hydrochloric acid and...","[He turns the last one on.]","CLARK: ...acetone. Oh!","[We see the acetone cup has entirely melted.]","CLARK [pleased]: Acetone!","[As the cup melts into the bowl it lands in, the bowl overbalances and tips, bumping the other bowls.","CLARK: Whoa! Oh!","[They all fall and CLARK quickly turns off the chemicals.]","[CAM is watching with a hint of exasperation and amusement. She is clearly not getting involved.]","CAM: It's not like Hodgins to be late. Can you come get me as soon as he shows up?","CLARK: Mm-hmm.","[She prepares to leave, then pauses.]","CAM: And I think the acetone is eating through your shoes.","CLARK: What? [He looks down.] Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no. Oh, I love these shoes. [He wipes them frantically with paper towel.]","[CUT.]","[INT: JAIL. SHERIFF is on the phone down the hall and we pan to ANGELA and HODGINS. They are in a cell.]","HODGINS [sounding jaded]: We live in a fascist state.","ANGELA: If you know that, then why did you taunt the guy with the gun?","HODGINS: You expect me to just roll over?","ANGELA: No. Praying that you do, though.","[The camera shows SHERIFF approaching.]","ANGELA: Okay, here he comes. Listen, Hodgins, be nice, or I will cause you great pain.","[SHERIFF comes to the cell.]","HODGINS: So, uh, have we cleared this up, Officer?","SHERIFF: Not quite. Now the problem is that Miss Montenegro here is a criminal. I found an outstanding bench warrant on you, young lady.","HODGINS: What?","ANGELA: For what?","SHERIFF: For defying a notice to appear on a speeding charge.","ANGELA: Oh. Yeah, well, that, I didn't speed.","SHERIFF: But you did defy a bench warrant, which is worse than speeding. And Dr. Hodgins, you also have a warrant for escaping police custody during a Freedom of Information protest eight years ago.","HODGINS: People have a right to know.","SHERIFF: But not a right to run away.","[HODGINS and ANGELA both clearly think this is ridiculous.]","ANGELA: Okay... all right, listen. I will appear, and Hodgins will... surrender, as soon as we get back, okay? Word of honor.","SHERIFF: It's not up to me. I can't let you go until the judge rules on your warrants.","HODGINS: Well, when will that be?","SHERIFF: Whenever one shows up. In the meantime, I suggest you two make the best of things, the best you can.","HODGINS: Hey! No. Hey!","[He turns to ANGELA.]","HODGINS [incredulously]: Speeding?","ANGELA [annoyed]: Don't you dare.","[CUT.]","ACT THREE","[INT: FBI INTERROGATION ROOM. BOOTH enters with a file in his hand. The camera pants to MARIO, who is completely bald. He is played by Joel Polis.]","BOOTH: Oh, thanks so much for coming in there, Mr. Trivisi...?","MARIO: Trivisonno. Trivisonno Properties.","BOOTH: Right.","MARIO: So, hey, this is something new, for me to be called in by the FBI. What's this all about?","[BOOTH shows MARIO a photo of the house.]","MARIO: Yeah. I-I know this house. [He slides the picture back.]","BOOTH: Bet you get a good deal on that now, huh?","MARIO: Yeah, why is that? [He places his hat on the picture, covering it.]","BOOTH [sitting down]: You don't know where I'm going with this, pal?","MARIO: Maybe it was your aunt that lived there?","[BOOTH waits for him to get it.]","MARIO: You're... You're thinking I want to buy the place now? No way. I learned my lesson.","BOOTH: What-What do you mean you learned your lesson?","MARIO: You see me now? [Holds up license, in which he has a full head of hair.] You see me there?","MARIO: See the difference?","BOOTH: Yeah. You shaved your head.","MARIO: No, I did not shave my head. Your aunt put a curse on me, and all the hairs fell off my body. All the important ones.","BOOTH: All right, first of all, Cheri Byrd is not my aunt. And secondly, she's dead.","MARIO: Well, here's hoping a curse loses its oomph after the voodoo lady dies.","BOOTH: Well, apparently, she was murdered, so, you want to know what I'm thinking? Guy thinks he's cursed, he loses his hair, and he wants her dead.","MARIO: No, no. You-you couldn't have got me anywhere near that lady. Not to kill her, not for anything. She painted this symbol on the bricks on the chimney, and inside, there was all this spooky stuff. Black candles. The day she cursed me, there was a dead cat laid out on the dining room table.","BOOTH: So, you ditched the project?","MARIO: A month ago. I'm a professional. You think I need it to get around that an evil witch lived on the development? I know when to cut and run. [He runs his hand wistfully over his head.] Just wish I'd done it a week earlier.","[CUT.]","[INT: JEFFERSONIAN. CLARK is inspecting Skeleton 2 as BRENNAN swipes her card to access the platform.]","BRENNAN: Hodgins isn't back yet?","CLARK: No, but I've made some progress. I found this. Sharp instrument trauma on the xiphoid process of the sternum. And anteriomedial aspect of ribs 1 and 4, bilaterally.","BRENNAN: She was stabbed repeatedly.","CLARK: Yeah.","BRENNAN: Make casts to analyze the striations and kerf characteristics to determine the weapon.","CLARK: Oh.","[He retrieves a tray, on which there is a glob of resin-like matter in a petri dish.]","CLARK: I also found this on the manubrium.","BRENNAN: What is it?","CLARK: That's a Dr. Hodgins job. If we had him... which we don't.","BRENNAN: And you haven't heard from him at all?","CLARK: He and Angela never came back last night. And since they used to be intimates, I decided not to push it 'cause that's none of my concern. None at all. It's a little icky, actually.","BRENNAN: It's not like them to just disappear; something could be wrong.","[The phone rings. They both look at it.]","[Cut to the jail. Angela is on the phone. HODGINS is pacing around the cell.]","ANGELA: Oh, oh, it's ringing.","HODGINS: Just tell them we've got all the evidence from the crime scene. They'll get us out.","ANGELA: Okay.","[At the lab, BRENNAN reads the phone display: \"Angela Montenegro\".]","[She answers, putting the phone on speaker.]","BRENNAN: Angela?","[Cut to ANGELA in jail.]","ANGELA: Yeah, hi.","HODGINS [leaning to phone]: And Hodgins. Help!","[Cut to lab.]","BRENNAN: Where are you?","ANGELA: We're in Berryville.","[Jail.]","ANGELA: Maryland--we're... in jail.","[Lab.]","BRENNAN: Wha-why are you in jail?","[Jail.]","ANGELA: Well, it goes a little like this: uh, Hodgins got pulled over for driving like an old lady. And then we...","HODGINS: Yeah, and Angela had an outstanding bench warrant.","[Lab.]","ANGELA: Oh, you have a warrant, too, Mr. Clean.","BRENNAN: Where is the evidence you collected yesterday?","HODGINS [through phone]: It's in jail with us.","[Jail.]","ANGELA: We're stuck here until the judge shows up to set our bail, and who knows when that's going to be.","[Lab.]","BRENNAN: Well, we need that evidence. I'll tell Cam to come and get you.","[Jail. HODGINS grabs the phone.]","HODGINS [into phone]: Okay, also, uh, will you tell Clark to throw a blanket over my molting swallowtail caterpillars at 4:30, or they will die.","[Lab. BRENNAN looks at CLARK, who makes a face and nods.]","BRENNAN: Okay.","[She hangs up.]","[Cut to jail.]","HODGINS [happily]: Yes.","ANGELA: Yes!","[To Sheriff off-screen.]","HODGINS: Well... I'm afraid we might have to check out a little early there, pal. I hope that's okay.","BOOTH [OS]: You know, that sheriff out in Podunk was a decent guy.","[CUT.]","[INT: DINER. BRENNAN, BOOTH and SWEETS are eating.]","BOOTH [cont]: I'm sure Hodgins getting arrested, really good reason.","SWEETS: So, I've been thinking about dead cats.","BRENNAN: That doesn't seem like a good use of your time.","SWEETS: Witches, the bad kind, use animal sacrifices in their spells. Black cats are particularly meaningful.","BOOTH: I told Sweets that the developer saw a dead cat on the victim's dining room table before he went bald.","BRENNAN: What's the connection?","BOOTH: He thinks that she put a spell on him.","SWEETS: You should talk to their local coven.","BOOTH: Wait a second. There's a local coven?","SWEETS: Uh-huh. The Circle of Moonwick.","BRENNAN: You said that Wiccans were good, whereas the victim was bad.","BOOTH: Yeah, they're probably competing for the same eye of newt.","BRENNAN: No, Wiccan ceremonies honor nature and the sanctity of life above all else. They don't use eye of newt.","SWEETS: Okay, tonight is their Waning Moon ceremony. Now, logged into their website, using the name Lilith82. I, uh, I got directions.","[He unfolds a piece of paper and passes down the table.]","BOOTH [taking paper]: Witches have websites? Gotta love the Internet, huh? So, witch hunt tonight?","BRENNAN: All right.","BOOTH: If you bring the candles, I'll bring the broomstick.","[CUT.]","[INT: JAIL. HODGINS is lying on a bench.]","ANGELA [OS]: This is the hardest bench that I have ever sat on in my life.","HODGINS: Sat on? Slept on.","[He sits up. ANGELA rubs her neck wearily.]","ANGELA: My shoulders are killing me.","Hodgins [agreeing]: Tell me about it. [pause] Come here.","ANGELA: Why?","HODGINS: I'll give you a little rub. You know, work out the kinks.","[She looks at him.]","HODGINS: Are you really that mad at me that you don't want a little massage?","ANGELA: Okay. Only because I hurt.","[HODGINS begins to rub her shoulders. It's clearly a... very enjoyable massage.]","ANGELA: Oh... yeah. Ohh, oh, yes.","[Oh, wait. These are unmistakable s*x noises.]","ANGELA: Yes, down, down. A little lower. Lower. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, thank you, God. Oh...","Hodgins [grinning]: \"God\" is a little formal. \"Hodgins\" is fine.","ANGELA: Oh, yes. Harder, right there. Right there. Right there, oh...","[CAM is approaching.]","ANGELA [cont]: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...","CAM: Looks to me like, uh, you two are doing just fine in here.","[Oops. The massage stops and they sheepishly look at CAM.]","ANGELA: Oh, uh...","HODGINS: Cam! Hey! So? Did you spring us?","Cam [to Sheriff]: These two aren't exactly Bonnie and Clyde. Can't you let them go?","SHERIFF: Not until the judge gets here.","CAM: Well, I'll post bail, pay the fine--whatever. We need them to solve this murder.","SHERIFF: You have the evidence. They can be reached here any time to assist.","CAM: Don't you think you're being a little... rigid?","SHERIFF: You are a law enforcement professional, are you not, ma'am?","CAM: Yes, but...","SHERIFF: Well, then you know that the law can't be twisted to our will or chaos will ensue. I mean, where does it end? Today, a seemingly minor bench warrant, tomorrow we overlook another piece of paper and a murderer goes free.","[CAM fixes him with an incredulous look. He shrugs.]","CAM: Wow. You are like the last upright man in America.","SHERIFF [bashful]: Well, I wouldn't say that. But I am a good sheriff. [He gives her the box of evidence.] And I love the law.","CAM: That's very impressive, Sheriff.","[HODGINS and ANGELA have been watching from the jail cell.]","HODGINS: Oh, my God, he's getting to her.","[CAM returns to them apologetically.]","CAM: I'm... sure the judge will be coming soon.","ANGELA: No, no, no, no, you're kidding, right?","CAM: Sorry. It was like arguing with one of the Founding Fathers. I've got the evidence. We'll talk, okay?","ANGELA: Oh, my God.","HODGINS: No.","ANGELA: Cam!","HODGINS: No!","ANGELA: Cam?","CAM: See you guys later.","HODGINS: Hey!","[CUT.]","[EXT: MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. Nighttime. BRENNAN and BOOTH are crunching through the bushes, armed with a flashlight. They speak in hushed whispers.]","BRENNAN: Could you not walk so loudly?","BOOTH: Don't tell me that you're afraid of witches.","BRENNAN: Wiccans, and no, but why waste an opportunity to observe them when they don't know they're being observed?","BOOTH: You want to spy on witches?","BRENNAN: Wiccans. No, I want you to spy on them, while I study them anthropologically.","[They can now see the witc-sorry, Wiccans.]","BOOTH: Ground zero.","WICCANS: [chanting in Latin. The chant is repeated over and over throughout the whole scene.]","[BOOTH and BRENNAN scurry to a larger bush and peep over the top.]","BRENNAN: It's fascinating.","[The WICCANS continue to chant. One, Rowan, takes a handful of something from a pot and scatters it, then picks something up.]","BOOTH: What are they doing with that Blair Witch thingy?","BRENNAN: It's a miniature effigy...","WICCANS: [chanting, growing in intensity. They light the effigy.]","[As BOOTH and BRENNAN watch in surprise, the WICCANS begin dancing to a rhythmic drum beat, removing their robes. They are naked.]","BOOTH: Oh... Okay, why is it when things like this happen, it always happens to people you don't want to see naked, huh?","[CUT.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","ACT FOUR","[EXT: SAME PLACE. Some time later. The ceremony is over and now BOOTH and BRENNAN walk along a road accompanied by two WICCANS, once more in robes. The blonde is Rowan, played by Kate Vernon, and the brunette is Ember, played by Jillian Bach.]","BOOTH: Okay, so we have Rowan and... Eden, right?","EMBER: Ember.","BOOTH: Ember. Exactly.","BRENNAN: Ember?","ROWAN: We'll give you the names society assigned to us, but not while in the Sacred Grove.","BOOTH: Oh, okay, dancing naked is okay, but Christian names are forbidden. Got it.","ROWAN: We weren't doing anything wrong. Why are you disrupting a religious service?","BOOTH: You know what happened to your friend Zephyra?","BRENNAN [holding up the effigy in a bag]: Is this by any chance a totem representing her?","EMBER: We were marking the end of Zephyra's corporeal life.","ROWAN: Celebrating the unification of her spirit with the elements.","BRENNAN: Why would you do that? Unless she was a member of your coven.","ROWAN: She was not one of us.","BOOTH: A bad witch.","ROWAN: Sadly, Zephyra performed magic for profit. She was known to use human relics.","BRENNAN: Such as the body of a Salem witch?","ROWAN: I don't know where she would get something like that, but that would be an immensely powerful relic, yes.","BOOTH: Oh, so she has other clients. Well, we're going to have to talk to them.","ROWAN: The dark arts are fragile, Agent Booth. Zephyra's clients employed her to do evil.","BOOTH: Bad people getting other bad people to do bad things.","[CUT.]","[INT: BONE ROOM. CLARK is inspecting a bone through a microscope.]","CAM [with box]: What's that?","CLARK: Fragments of the hyoid and the throat cartilage. Some of the smaller bones were broken when the house collapsed. They're very difficult to clean. I may need to go back in with the acetone.","CAM [setting down and unpacking box]: Well, it's time to multi-task. I have the evidence Angela and Hodgins gathered from the scene.","CLARK: I thought your intention was to bring back Hodgins and Angela.","CAM: Well, they had to wait for the judge, and you can't bend the law to help your friends.","CLARK: So... we're going to do this without them.","CAM: Well, they can coach us and consult, but, yeah, it's you and me. CLARK [holding up a tube of dirt warily]: So you expect me to deal with dirt. Great.","[CUT.]","[INT: JAIL CELL. A small object just misses the mouth of a Styrofoam cup on the floor. The camera pans back to reveal ANGELA and HODGINS sitting on the floor.]","HODGINS: Ooh, close, but now I'm up 18 cents.","ANGELA: Yeah, for now.","[She throws and it lands in the cup.]","HODGINS: Nice!","ANGELA: Oh, yes!","HODGINS: Wow!","ANGELA: Only 17.","HODGINS: Do you realize how long it's been since we've spent this much time together? Outside the lab, I mean?","ANGELA: Yeah, I know. God. I keep thinking about that, that crappy cabin that we stayed in, in the mountains. Do you remember that? 30 degrees, there was no heat.","HODGINS: Yeah. Oh, man, this jail is way better than that cabin.","ANGELA: That was a good weekend, though.","HODGINS: Mm-hmm. Keeping warm.","ANGELA: Yeah.","[There is a noise and they both look up. SHERIFF is wheeling a computer to them.]","SHERIFF: Your lab called. This computer may not be state-of-the-art, but we got the Internets.","HODGINS: Sure. Let's, uh, throw some coal in that thing and fire it up.","[CUT.]","[INT: BOOTH'S OFFICE. BOOTH is exiting but SWEETS arrives with an enormous stack of books.]","SWEETS [nearly crashing into him]: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Cheri Byrd was a dark witch, perhaps even a Satanist.","BOOTH: Yeah, well, the Wiccans really seemed afraid of her. What is all this?","SWEETS: Well, I found the transcripts of the Salem Witch Trials. I thought maybe we could identify the remains that Cheri Byrd dressed up in the wedding dress. Check that out.","BOOTH [reading]: \"Prudence Sullivan, female. 48 years of age, of small stature with back bent as though burdened by great weight of guilt\"?","SWEETS: Guilt. Yeah, it sort of matches Dr. Brennan's description, right? Check this out.","BOOTH: \"Old, short, hunched over.\" Sounds like every other witch.","SWEETS: No, no, no, that's a stereotype. 48 is old?","BOOTH: Well, it was back then. I can't believe you got all this stuff.","SWEETS: Okay, trust me, a Salem witch doesn't just show up in Maryland. Her grave was robbed for a reason. I know my witches, all right?","[The books fall.]","BOOTH: Sorry.","SWEETS: Ah!","BOOTH: Just put it down. Relax. Slow down. Just sit.","SWEETS: I did so...","BOOTH: Shh!","SWEETS: ...so much reading.","[CUT.]","[INT: LAB. CAM and CLARK look at HODGINS and ANGELA via the video link.]","CLARK: Nice cell.","HODGINS [on camera]: It's not much, but we call it home.","ANGELA: Yeah, we're thinking of redoing the kitchen.","HODGINS [looking at resiny substance]: Okay, it's amber. Uh, it melts at 400 to 700 degrees Fahrenheit--temperatures easily reached in the fire.","ANGELA: Is that a bug in there?","HODGINS: Oh, yeah, baby. Check out those tibial bristles.","[SHERIFF leans in to see. He is wedged between the computer and the cell bars. His head appears on camera and CAM chuckles under her breath.]","ANGELA: There's plenty of room in here, Sheriff, if you want to join us.","SHERIFF [standing quickly]: Oh, that's against regulations.","HODGINS: Okay, you can verify with the Entomology Department, but I'm fairly certain we're looking at Nedocosia naiba. It's a fungus gnat.","CLARK: Okay, does that help with time of death?","HODGINS: No. This gnat would have had his last fungus about a hundred million years ago in the Lower Cretaceous.","ANGELA [jokingly]: Hmm. So, if we remove the DNA, we could re-create dinosaurs, right?","HODGINS: It was probably an amber pendant from an ordinary piece of jewelry.","ANGELA [looking in]: What's with the hair?","CLARK: What hair?","HODGINS: Oh, yeah, she's right. Hey, check out the speck at three o'clock. The amber probably picked up a piece of hair when it melted in the fire.","CLARK: But our victim's hair was gray and wavy.","HODGINS: Yeah, but this one is dark.","CAM: Well, if the root bulb's present, it could be an indicator that the hair was forcibly removed.","SHERIFF: So it could be from the perp.","[They all look at him.]","SHERIFF: I'm sorry. Caught up in the thrill of the chase.","CAM: I'll run DNA. So how are you guys doing?","ANGELA: Uh, well, I mean, we'd-we'd like to get out of here, if that's what you mean.","CAM: I'm sure you will. Thanks, guys.","[CUT.]","[INT: PLATFORM. BRENNAN is leaning over remains and CAM enters.]","CAM: The hair in the amber gave us a hit. CODIS says it belongs to one Murray Huddler, convicted of assault in 2008, paroled last October. Now this may possibly go towards motive.","[She brings up an article onscreen.]","CAM: It certainly goes toward \"creepy coincidence.\"","BRENNAN [reading]: \"Dumped Hubby Decks Attorney.\" So this man was incarcerated for assaulting his ex-wife's attorney?","CAM: Huddler's wife dumped him, hosed him in a divorce, then married the lawyer that represented her. But look at this.","[She zooms in on wedding picture.]","CAM: Anything look familiar to you?","BRENNAN [pointing to wedding dress]: She's wearing this dress.","[CUT.]","ACT FIVE","[INT: FBI INTERROGATION ROOM. BOOTH is interrogating MURRAY HUDDLER, played by Chris Ufland.]","BOOTH: Murray Huddler.","MURRAY: Yeah.","BOOTH: You know a woman by the name of Cheri Byrd?","MURRAY: No.","BOOTH: How about a witch named Zephyra?","MURRAY. Oh.","BOOTH: Oh, yeah, I'll take that as a yes.","MURRAY: I hired her.","BOOTH: Hired her for...?","MURRAY: To put a hex on my bitch ex-wife, okay? Is that illegal?","BOOTH: Well, Zephyra's dead. She was murdered, house torched.","MURRAY: You think I did it.","BOOTH: Well, I don't know. Depends how much you paid for the hex.","MURRAY: Two grand up front. Three if it took.","BOOTH: Did it take?","MURRAY: No, it did not take.","BOOTH: Ooh. You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking you killed Zephyra, and in the struggle, she yanked out some of your hair.","MURRAY: No, I gave her my hair for the spell. That and my ex-wife's wedding dress.","BOOTH: Right.","[He pulls out a knife in an evidence bag.]","BOOTH: We found that in your truck.","MURRAY: That's not what you think it is. I went fishing on Friday.","BOOTH: Fishing? Okay, right. But you do know if this blade matches the stab marks on Cheri Byrd's bones, that could spell trouble for you.","CLARK [OS]: Huddler's fishing knife.","[CUT.]","[INT: BONE ROOM. CLARK, CAM and BRENNAN gather around.]","CLARK [cont]: ...is thin, very sharp on one edge, and has a slight curve at the tip.","BRENNAN: The blade that made these cuts is thicker, evenly tapered and sharp on both edges, like a dagger.","CAM: Definitely not a match.","BRENNAN: What's this?","CLARK: Fragments of the hyoid and throat cartilage, damaged by a fire and crushed by a house. The acetone probably didn't help.","BRENNAN: These bones certainly resemble the hyoid and surrounding cartilage, but not all of these are human.","CLARK: What?","[They all lean in.]","[CUT.]","[INT: JAIL HALLWAY. HODGINS and ANGELA are consulting online.]","ANGELA: Okay, is this whole witchy thing about to get creepier?","BRENNAN: This looks like part of a tiny joint. I believe these bones are the incomplete skeleton of a small animal. What do you think?","HODGINS: You know, it's a little outside my expertise, but they look like bat bones to me. You missed that, Clark?","BRENNAN: Clark's error is completely understandable, given the condition of these remains and the bizarre nature of these circumstances.","CLARK: Thank you, Dr. Brennan.","HODGINS: Yeah, but I made the call on a piece-of-crap cathode-ray tube while in jail.","CLARK: Oh, that's right: you're a criminal.","CAM: Are we thinking a woman had a bat shoved down her throat? Yes, that's exactly what happened.","CLARK: Well, thank you, Dr. Hodgins.","[He disables video link.]","HODGINS: What?","ANGELA: Ugh...","HODGINS [holding up penny]: Another round?","ANGELA: Really? You sure? You're down 31 cents.","[Skip to when HODGINS has tried to throw the penny in the cup again.]","HODGINS [penny misses cup]: Oh!","ANGELA: Yes! 32.","[She retrieves the penny. There is a long pause. They look at each other, smiles fading.]","HODGINS [suspiciously]: What?","ANGELA: Do you ever wonder what happened to us? On the day we broke up?","HODGINS: Yeah, every day. I run through that conversation word-for-word.","ANGELA: Me, too.","HODGINS: You said, \"All you had to do was trust me.\"","ANGELA: And you said, \"Hey, you're the one who's leaving.\"","HODGINS: And then you said, \"You're the one who isn't stopping me.\"","ANGELA: And I left.","HODGINS: Yeah.","ANGELA: Right. Well, I wish I hadn't.","HODGINS: The biggest regret of my life is I didn't stop you.","ANGELA: Yeah, what was up with that?","HODGINS: Uh... I panicked. I lost faith that I could sustain that kind of happiness.","ANGELA: Hmm. You talk to Sweets?","HODGINS: Kid's got the goods.","ANGELA: Yeah. It was like we were both playing chicken, and then we... we both swerved.","HODGINS: What we should have done is crashed right into each other.","ANGELA: At the speed of light.","[There is a pause. They look at each other. They both close the distance between them and kiss passionately.]","SHERIFF: The judge is here.","[They break apart awkwardly. HODGINS clears his throat and looks at JUDGE FLOYD BARBER, played by William Stanford Davis. He is wearing a jacket and bowtie.]","HODGINS: The judge is a barber.","JUDGE: Keeps me grounded.","SHERIFF: And it's against the rules for prisoners to fraternize sexually while in custody.","JUDGE: Maybe give it a rest, huh, Gus? Let's get you two out of here.","[Left to themselves, ANGELA and HODGINS look at each other for a moment, then smile and lace their fingers together.]","[CUT.]","[EXT: DINER. We see BOOTH and BRENNAN through the window.]","BOOTH: Bat bones?","BRENNAN: Myotis albescens. It's not indigenous to the United States, but the bones are available online.","BOOTH. Like everything else. I'll look into it.","[Inside the diner, SWEETS enters hurriedly. We follow him to the table.]","SWEETS: So, I think I've identified our skeleton bride.","BOOTH: Look at that!","BRENNAN: You identified human remains?","SWEETS: Dr. Brennan, you said that the woman was subjected to a form of torture known as \"pressing,\" right?","BRENNAN: Yes. That's how I surmised we were dealing with the remains of a Salem witch.","SWEETS: In fact, only one Salem witch died as a result of pressing. Well, one female; there was an 80-year-old man... you don't, you don't care about the old man, do you?","BOOTH [reading]: Emily Quimby, died November 1692.","SWEETS: Buried in Salem in unconsecrated ground, of course, but her grave was robbed six months ago.","BRENNAN: You think the victim dug up the old witch's bones to increase her own power?","SWEETS: Absolutely.","BRENNAN: This is interesting, but not pertinent to the case.","SWEETS: Wait for it.","BOOTH: Wait for it. Here it is.","SWEETS: Upon finding Emily Quimby's grave, I, uh, researched her family tree, and there's a 16-generation remove, but look.","BOOTH [reading]: \"Mary Harden Trent.\"","SWEETS: Direct descendant.","BRENNAN: Why is that name familiar?","SWEETS: Mary Harden Trent is a member of the Circle of Moonwick Coven. Her witch name is \"Ember.\"","BOOTH: Oh, digging up Great-Grandma is not the worst motive for murder I've ever heard.","[CUT.]","[INT: JAIL HALLWAY. JUDGE and SHERIFF are walking toward the cell.]","JUDGE: All right, what I'm doing here is releasing you two on your own recognizance.","ANGELA: Oh, thank you.","HODGINS: Yes, we will pay our fines and make our court appearances.","JUDGE: I'm sure you will. Gus will come after you if you don't follow the letter of the law. Let me notarize this stuff and get you on your way.","HODGINS: Thank you. How long did he say he'd be gone?","[CUT.]","[INT: FBI INTERROGATION ROOM with BOOTH, BRENNAN and MARY HARDEN TRENT.","BOOTH: Mary Harden Trent. That is your signature, correct?","EMBER: Yes, though I prefer to go by \"Ember.\"","BOOTH: Okay, what do you say we just step outside your little magic forest, stay on point, okay? Our credit card records show that you purchased bat bones online. That true?","EMBER: Bat bones are an integral part of my religion.","BOOTH: Did you shove those bat bones down her throat before or after you stabbed her?","EMBER: No! No, I swear upon the goddess that I'm incapable of such violence.","BRENNAN: How tall are you?","EMBER: Five-two?","BRENNAN: She may be too small to inflict the injuries that killed our victim.","BOOTH [thumbing through a large book]: She may be small, but she's full of anger.","[He drops the book onto the table with a bang.]","BOOTH: There. That is your great-great-something-grandmother Emily Quimby.","BRENNAN: She was a witch, too.","EMBER: Yes, and she didn't deserve to die.","BOOTH: What, did you boast to Zephyra that witchism ran in your family?","BRENNAN: Then she dug up your ancestor's bones to use them in what you call \"dark rites.\"","EMBER: What are you talking about? How could anyone do something like that? I-I had no idea!","[CUT.]","ACT SIX","[INT: JEFFERSONIAN HALLWAY. BRENNAN is walking swiftly and SWEETS follows. CLARK is approaching. They all enter the bone room.]","CLARK: Dr. Brennan. I finally got the results back on the powder Dr. Hodgins collected on the pathway around the victim's house.","SWEETS: Oh, the circular path. Yeah, yeah. Usually the person standing inside the circle is safe from the dark forces. In this case, oddly, everything inside the circle was destroyed.","CLARK: So the powder was...","BRENNAN: Angela isn't here for a computer re-creation, so we have to make do.","[CLARK distributes rubber gloves.]","BRENNAN: Please hold 1 and 4 in the proper position. Sweets, it's bilateral; do the same. Booth believes a witch named Ember to be the killer, but the victim was a large heavily muscled woman.","CLARK: But Ember wasn't strong enough.","BRENNAN: I observed her in the woods. She and the other Wiccans were standing in a circle, taking turns with their ceremonial object. These stab marks... reflect a similar pattern.","[She goes to the wall where x-rays are displayed.]","BRENNAN: Now these injuries... are clustered. [She takes a pen and marks the points on the x-ray.] Five groupings of three.","CLARK: So a total of 15 strikes.","SWEETS: In the same pattern as the dots on the chimney.","[BRENNAN links the marks to create a pentagram.]","SWEETS [cont]: It's a pentagram. It's an ancient Wiccan symbol that stands for solidarity--some say sisterhood.","BRENNAN: There are 15 women in the Circle of Moonwick. [She circles the points.] Ember alone wasn't the killer. The entire coven took part.","SWEETS: No, they're Wiccans, though. They're white witches. They stand for goodness.","CLARK: What if they were stoned out of their minds?","[SWEETS and BRENNAN look at him incredulously.]","CLARK: Look, the powder on the path is called Secale cereale: rye flour. And it's infested with the fungus Claviceps purpurea.","BRENNAN: Formed in the ergot stage of fungal development. It's hallucinogenic--the natural substance from which LSD is derived.","SWEETS: Yes. It was used for ceremonial purposes centuries ago in Salem. Some people think that the exact same substance was responsible for the hysteria surrounding the Witch Trials in the first place.","CLARK: Those naked ladies were trippin'.","SWEETS: Add that to their rituals, they may have thought the demon they were slaying was real.","[CUT.]","[INT: FBI CONFERENCE ROOM. All Wiccans are present, with SWEETS, BRENNAN and BOOTH.]","ROWAN: Wiccans do not ingest any kind of consciousness-altering drugs.","BOOTH: Not on purpose.","SWEETS: We believe you were performing a ritual meant to keep Zephyra's evil from spreading past the circle.","BRENNAN: A ritual using rye flour.","ROWAN: We use rye flour in many ceremonies.","SWEETS: Yeah, and it has LSD fungus in it. It's what made you afraid of Zephyra. You thought that her obsession with the black arts could destroy you.","BRENNAN: You also knew that she had Ember's ancestor's bones on her side.","BOOTH: You're, you're, you're good witches. You're nice people. You don't lie, but when you make a mistake, you want to make that mistake right, right?","EMBER: We were just trying to help. We wanted Zephyra to live in harmony, but she kept cursing at us and casting spells. We were just trying to restore the balance.","[CUT.]","[INT: JAIL CELL. HODGINS and ANGELA are facing each other with their hands joined. The camera pans up to reveal the JUDGE and SHERIFF standing nearby.]","JUDGE: Dearly beloved, we're gathered here today to join in holy wedded matrimony Angela Pearly Gates Montenegro and Jack Stanley Hodgins IV.","ANGELA: Um, there's, um, there's one small problem.","HODGINS: Please don't change your mind.","ANGELA: Oh, no. That's not it. It's, um... that's not my real name.","JUDGE: How bad could it be?","HODGINS: Yeah, did you get mine? It's Stanley.","ANGELA: Yeah, uh... yeah. Well, my dad is, um, he's sort of unique, and, well, he's Texan, and, uh... other things, so... do you mind if I just, if I whisper it to you?","JUDGE: That'll work.","HODGINS: Thank you.","[ANGELA whispers her name to the JUDGE, who makes a surprised face and nods.]","JUDGE: We are here to wed these two people. Vows?","HODGINS: Vows. Um... Angela-- or whatever your name is... I'm your guy.","ANGELA: Stanley... we're gonna live together and we're gonna love together and we're gonna have so much fun, and a little pain, and we're gonna live a life that's gonna make other people die with jealousy wishing they were us.","JUDGE: Do you have rings?","HODGINS: Yes, yes.","[He pulls out a gold wedding band.]","ANGELA: Where'd you get that?","HODGINS: I've kept this in my wallet since our first wedding.","SHERIFF [suspiciously]: What?","HODGINS [assuring him]: No, we didn't go through with it. Where'd you get that?","ANGELA: I'll tell you later.","HODGINS: Oh. Oh...","ANGELA: Yeah.","JUDGE: You may exchange the rings.","[They exchange rings. The ring ANGELA gives HODGINS is small, and they put it on his little finger instead.]","JUDGE: By the power vested in me and the state of Maryland, I now pronounce you [HODGINS and ANGELA kiss] husband and wife. You may...","[They are already kissing. The SHERIFF tosses confetti on them in an adorably enthusiastic manner. They continue kissing, confetti strewn in their hair.]","[CUT.]","[We see a variety of DC landscape and monument shots.]","[EXT: DINER.]","BOOTH [OS]: They were good people.","[We find them inside the diner.]","BRENNAN: Good people who butchered another human being.","BOOTH: Well, you know, they were being attacked. They weren't in their right mind, and sometimes, you know, people--they just get carried away.","BRENNAN: Well, crazy people.","[BOOTH pulls out a little paper effigy.]","BRENNAN [suspiciously]: What is that?","BOOTH: This was given to me by the witches. Look, it's you, Little Bones.","BRENNAN: No, it's not.","BOOTH [laughing]: Yes, it is, you see? The witch said that if I burned this in your presence, then the wish I make for you will come true.","[He opens a lighter.]","BRENNAN: You think I care, but I don't. It's just superstition. And for superstition to work, the person has to believe that he or she is cursed or under a spell--watch you don't burn your fingers!","BOOTH: Want to know what I wished for?","BRENNAN: No, it doesn't matter. Completely irrelevant.","BOOTH: I wished... I wished that you could find happiness.","BRENNAN: I don't know what that means.","BOOTH: Happiness. Love, laughter, friendship, purpose... and a dance.","BRENNAN: Oh. Well, then thank you.","BOOTH [triumphantly]: Ah...","BRENNAN: Why is that funny?","BOOTH: 'Cause, you know, you wouldn't have thanked me if you didn't think that part of it was true.","BRENNAN: No, I was, I was thanking you for your kindness, not because I believed in the outcome.","BOOTH: Ah, I detected relief.","BRENNAN: No, no, you didn't.","BOOTH: Relief, that the mojo was good and not bad.","BRENNAN: Okay, now you're just mixing up belief systems.","BOOTH: Really? Okay, you want me to burn another one?","BRENNAN: No, smoke isn't allowed--how many do you have?","BOOTH: I've got a lot.","[Fade out. THE END.]"],"Show Title":"Bones","Episode Number":"05x20","Episode Title":"The Witch in the Wardrobe","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Bones_06x08.json","Recap":["Booth and Brennan's next case leads them to a crime scene where a human carcass has literally melted into the dashboard of a charred truck. As the team investigates the case, they discover a gunshot wound in the victim, but learn that neither the fire nor the bullet was the cause of the victim's death. Additional clues lead them to a local high school where the victim's wife is a teacher. As a student-teacher relationship begins to surface and a pattern takes shape in the lab, the team is able to track down the murder weapon and solve the crime. Meanwhile, Sweets resists the temptation of allowing his feelings for Daisy to interfere with helping her pass a government psychological evaluation, and Hannah attempts to break the ice and warm up to Booth's son Parker ."],"Transcript":["ACT ONE","(The sun is rising over the trees, panning over to a white truck stopped on the side of the road. Through the windshield, a man - dead - is seen in the driver's seat. A spark is seen behind him, turning into a full-fledged fire and then a massive explosion.)","INT. BOOTH'S APARTMENT - DAY","(BOOTH and HANNAH are in the bedroom, getting ready for the day.)","HANNAH: My editor wants me to tie my story of inner-city crime in DC with federal cutbacks to law enforcement.","BOOTH: Ah, all right, gotta love that, huh? More money for us. Tell you what, maybe the bureau could get me a computer that doesn't run on coal.","(Booth walks towards the washroom.)","HANNAH: I'm gonna ambush Senator Jankow today. He chairs a committee.","(Booth leans against the doorway to look back at Hannah, who is wearing a see-through lace blouse.)","BOOTH: You go like that, he'll tell you anything you want to know.","(Hannah chuckles, turns around and accidentally trips. A framed picture of Booth and PARKER falls to the ground and the glass breaks. Hannah picks it up and sits on the bed.)","HANNAH: Oh god. I'm sorry.","(Booth sits down beside her.)","BOOTH: Don't worry about it. It's okay.","HANNAH: I told you I'm not very good with kids.","BOOTH: You're great with everybody, okay? And I'll tell you what, Parker can't wait to meet you.","HANNAH: Really?","BOOTH: Yeah, really.","HANNAH: I'd feel more comfortable if he was a crooked senator. I know how to deal with that.","(Booth's cellphone rings.)","BOOTH: Oh, work. (He answers) Booth. Oh yeah, okay. I'm on my way. (Hangs up the phone and picks up his suit jacket from the bed) 'K, gotta go. Got a case. (He kisses Hannah and points to the frame) Don't worry about that, all right?","EXT. CRIME SCENE - DAY","(Fire fighters and police are working to free the body from the melted truck. Booth and BRENNAN are speaking with the ARSON INVESTIGATOR. )","ARSON INVESTIGATOR: Call came in at six a.m. Passing motorist called 911, said she saw a ball of fire on the side of the road.","BRENNAN: Where's the point of ignition?","ARSON INVESTIGATOR: There is none.","BRENNAN: As an arson investigator, you should know that every fire has a point of ignition.","ARSON INVESTIGATOR: Not if it was hit by an asteroid.","BRENNAN: Even an asteroid with the diameter as small as five metres would leave a huge crater. (Points to the ground) There's no crater.","ARSON INVESTIGATOR: (To Booth) She serious?","BOOTH: Always. (To Brennan) Bones, that was a joke, 'k? The whole asteroid thing was a joke.","BRENNAN: Oh! That's amusing because it's such an absurd theory. (She punches the arson investigator on the shoulder) Good one.","BOOTH: Check this out, Bones. VIN plate. Digits are missing.","BRENNAN: I'll give it to Angela, see what she can do. (To the arson investigator) This white powder. I assume it's residue from fire retardant used to control the blaze although (continues with a smile) it could be the remnants of a highly localized blizzard. (Laughs while the arson investigator and Booth look at her strangely) The likelihood of a blizzard is even more remote than an asteroid hitting the Earth. Do you get it?","ARSON INVESTIGATOR: (Ignores Brennan's joke) It's not retardant. By the time the fire fighters arrived on scene, the blaze had burned itself out.","BRENNAN: Then I'll need to bag the powder for Hodgins to analyse.","(The fire fighters finally manage to remove the roof of the truck to reveal the bones of the victim.)","BRENNAN: Oh.","BOOTH: Wow, this is a first. Melted bones.","BRENNAN: No, not possible. Bones don't melt.","BOOTH: You know, usually I defer all things bones to you but, you know, I've cooked with a lot of cheese. That is melting.","INT. JEFFERSONIAN - FORENSIC PLATFORM","(CAM is looking at x-rays while Brennan is inspecting the body. HODGINS enters.)","HODGINS: Woah, look at that!","BRENNAN: You're excited about the decedent, Dr. Hodgins?","HODGINS: Sure! Booth said the dude melted into the truck.","CAM: At this point, we haven't been able to determine gender.","BRENNAN: And bones don't melt, Dr. Hodgins. The melting process represents a change of state from a solid to a liquid, an impossibility with bones.","HODGINS: I know but they sure appear to be melted.","CAM: But how? I haven't seen a fire hot enough to do this.","BRENNAN: (Hands Hodgins a bag of the white powder) Found at the scene. A light dusting over most of the wreckage. It could give us cause of death.","CAM: I think I found that.","(Cam walks over to the bones and points to a bullet lodged into one of the bones.)","BRENNAN: Oh.","HODGINS: A bullet.","CAM: We presumed the victim died in a fire.","BRENNAN: But he was shot in the chest.","HODGINS: Melted. (Brennan gives him a look) Sorry, but I don't know any other word for it.","OPENING CREDITS","ACT TWO","INT. JEFFERSONIAN - FORENSIC PLATFORM","(DAISY and Cam are wearing protective gear while Cam is spraying the bones with liquid nitrogen.)","DAISY: I can do this! It was my idea to remove the bones with liquid nitrogen and the FBI is giving me the psych evaluation so I can get security clearance to work unsupervised.","CAM: But, you don't have that clearance yet and this is very expensive equipment, which I am responsible for.","DAISY: You just think it's cool.","CAM: Maybe.","DAISY: Careful not to saturate any particular section. Too much nitric oxide can cause the bones to fracture.","CAM: I know, Ms. Wick.","DAISY: Is the psych evaluation intimidating? I mean, was it difficult for you to pass it?","CAM: Perhaps you could focus on how we're going to identify the victim.","DAISY: There's no flesh so that rules out fingerprints and since the skull appears melted, we can discount facial reconstruction and dental comparisons. Maybe I could think a little clearer if I was using the equipment? (Cam gives her a look) Please? I already have the gear on.","CAM: (Sighs) Okay. Just once. (She hands Daisy the nozzle) But, be careful!","DAISY: Since you've become a mom, you're a lot less trusting. (Daisy squeals as the spray starts)","INT. JEFFERSONIAN - ANGELA'S OFFICE","(ANGELA has the truck's plates on the Angelatron while video conferring with Booth, who is in his office at the FBI.)","ANGELA: So, I've been working on the VIN number.","BOOTH: Oh, good. I hope.","ANGELA: Yeah, well, I etched it with hydrochloric acid, cupric chloride, and distilled water.","BOOTH: Yada yada yada. Okay, say something that's gonna make me happy.","ANGELA: Well, a little happy, a little sad. I was able to restore the last four digits but that's it.","INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - BOOTH'S OFFICE","BOOTH: Well, based on the truck's rear axle, it was a nine-inch Dana Spicer model - American-made pick-up from '94 to '02.","ANGELA: Yada yada.","BOOTH: Well, with your four numbers, I should be able to get a match from the DMV. Thanks for making me happy.","ANGELA: You got it.","(Booth closes the conversation. SWEETS has entered his office.)","BOOTH: Do you ever knock?","SWEETS: I got a message you wanted to see me.","BOOTH: Yeah, actually. Have a seat. (Sweets sits.) I need your professional opinion on a personal matter.","SWEETS: This is a rare moment. Is it about Dr. Brennan and Hannah?","BOOTH: No. Sorry to disappoint.","SWEETS: Okay. Sorry. Shouldn't have jumped the gun. Go ahead.","BOOTH: It's about Parker. Parker didn't like Hannah.","SWEETS: Oh.","BOOTH: Yeah, right?","SWEETS: I understand your concern. When did they meet?","BOOTH: No, they haven't, you know, he stays with me on the weekends when she's not around. He knows that we're dating so last weekend, at breakfast, I ask him if he wants some chocolate milk. He looks at me, he goes, \"Daddy, I hate your new girlfriend\".","SWEETS: Did you ask him why?","BOOTH: No, I didn't, it was awkward. He went back to watching cartoons. I mean, the point is, like, they have to meet sometime, right?","SWEETS: Well, yeah, if your relationship with Hannah is serious then -","BOOTH: - It is serious.","SWEETS: I wasn't questioning that -","BOOTH: - It sounded like you were.","SWEETS: No, I wasn't.","BOOTH: Well, it's serious.","SWEETS: Then they have to meet. Parker could be angry because he senses how much Hannah means to you and feels that you don't want him to meet her.","BOOTH: But I do, I just want it to be right. I want it to be a perfect time.","SWEETS: Right, do you think there is such a thing?","BOOTH: Enough with the questions, all right? Just earn your coin and tell me what to do.","SWEETS: Accept that you're entering a situation where the outcome is uncertain. The only thing certain is your love for your son and his trust in you. If you trust him as much and trust Hannah, then, it might take a little time but I think the three of you should be fine.","BOOTH: Fine. (Sweets smiles. Booth points a finger at him.) If you're wrong about this, you're paying.","INT. JEFFERSONIAN","(Daisy and Hodgins are walking onto the forensic platform)","DAISY: That white powder is magnesium oxide, isn't it?","HODGINS: (He swipes his access card) Yeah, how did you know?","DAISY: As you saw, the victim's bones appeared to have melted which is not possible.","HODGINS: Right, because...","DAISY and HODGINS: (Simultaneously) ... bones don't melt.","DAISY: Exactly. But, magnesium burns hot and fast. If the bones were exposed to a magnesium fire, which burned between 15 and 45 minutes, at a temperature of 500 degrees Celsius then -","HODGINS: ... the biogenetic composition and structure of the bone mineral would have crystallized and the bones would appear as if they had melted!","(They walk off the forensic platform after Hodgins notes something down on a clipboard)","DAISY: Yes. Although, I thought of it first, if anyone from the FBI should ask.","(They continue walking into...)","INT. JEFFERSONIAN - OOKEY ROOM","HODGINS: Really? But for magnesium to ignite, it needs to be wet first. So, last night, when the mass spec identified magnesium, I checked the meteorological charts (he pulls up the information on the computer) a light rain fell last night in the vicinity where the body was found and I believe I thought of that first but then, I am King of the Lab and you? You are my serf.","INT. JESSE'S CHOPPER SHOP","(Booth is walking through the shop. He turns off RANDY SIMINOFF'S equipment to catch his attention.)","RANDY SIMINOFF: (Takes off welding helmut) What the -","BOOTH: (Flashes his badge) FBI. Looking for Jesse Wilson.","RANDY SIMINOFF: Jesse's in the back.","BOOTH: (Gestures to a garbage bin) Any chance those are magnesium scraps?","RANDY SIMINOFF: Yeah, we use cast magnesium discs in the wheels, why?","BOOTH: I don't know. Just got a thing for magnesium, that's all.","(Booth continues walking. Stops when he sees JESSE WILSON.)","BOOTH: (Flashes his badge) Jesse Wilson?","JESSE WILSON: Yeah.","BOOTH: FBI, Agent Booth.","JESSE WILSON: Can I help you?","BOOTH: Yeah, you missing a truck, Jesse?","JESSE WILSON: No.","BOOTH: Well, we found a burnt truck registered to your company's name with a dead body in the driver's seat with a bullet in his chest.","JESSE WILSON: Was the truck haulin' magnesium?","BOOTH: And if it was?","JESSE WILSON: Then the driver was George Lyford, an employee. Didn't show up this morning. He's dead?","BOOTH: As dead as dead could be.","JESSE WILSON: Poor b*st*rd was having money problems. So, I gave him those mag scraps so he could make a few extra bucks at the recycling plant.","BOOTH: Magnesium, that's expensive stuff. You just gave it to him, just like that, 'cause you're a nice guy?","JESSE WILSON: Yeah, we've been friends since high school. Never done anything for a friend in need?","BOOTH: That tattoo you have on your inside forearm - that military?","JESSE WILSON: Yeah. Patton's Third Army. My granddaddy killed a bunch of Nazis in World War II. He was a real hero.","BOOTH: Right. He teach you how to fire a gun? Your friend, George, there, he was killed by a 9 mm slug. I checked the registry and you own a German Luger - nine millimetre. They used those guns in WWII, right?","JESSE WILSON: I don't like your implication.","BOOTH: I can only imagine, I mean, you see your old friend stealing your magnesium and loading it into your truck. You follow him and -","JESSE WILSON: - I gave him those scraps 'cause his wife was raggin' on him to bring in more money. Now, ou can either arrest me or you get the hell out of my shop.","BOOTH: Right.","(Booth leaves.)","INT. JEFFERSONIAN - BONE ROOM","(Daisy is examining the bones. Brennan walks in and clears her throat.)","DAISY: I was looking at the bullet trauma again. Our initial presumption was not correct. The bullet was not cause of death.","BRENNAN: Your evidence, Ms. Wick.","DAISY: Well, on the x-ray, it appeared the bullet was embedded quite deeply into the sternum. But, after my excellent observation that magnesium caused the bones to crystallize and thus only appear to be melted, I re-examined the point of entry.","(Daisy enlarges the x-ray on the screen.)","BRENNAN: The bullet only penetrated a few millimetres.","DAISY: Not enough to cause death or even incapacitation.","BRENNAN: So, the bone warped around the bullet because of the extreme heat of the magnesium fire. Very good.","DAISY: I know. You'll put in a good word for me with the FBI, won't you? For my clearance?","BRENNAN: It's a psych evaluation. I'm of no value when it comes to that.","DAISY: That's true.","BRENNAN: So, if the bullet didn't kill him, how did it get there?","DAISY: Perhaps it was shot from a great distance so the impact wasn't sufficient to be fatal?","(Cam enters.)","CAM: Booth talked to the owner of the truck, Jesse Wilson. Wilson ID'd the victim as George Lyford.","BRENNAN: We'll get Lyford's medical records and confirm.","CAM: Wilson claims the victim had been fighting with his wife about money. One week ago, the wife took out an insurance policy on George's life.","DAISY: Oh my god. The wife totally torched him! (Brennan gives her a look.) I was just trying to go with my gut. It's an FBI thing.","ACT THREE","INT. HIGH SCHOOL","(Booth and Brennan are standing outside KATHY LYFORD'S classroom, where she has detention duty.)","BOOTH: That's Kathy Lyford, the victim's wife. She has detention duty for another hour, so...","BRENNAN: I was once placed in detention for calling my science teacher a fool.","BOOTH: You can't do that, Bones.","BRENNAN: Booth, he was trying to teach quantum mechanics without even a rudimentary understanding of Planck's constant. What would you have called him?","BOOTH: You have every right. I didn't know the details, I'm sorry.","(Kathy Lyford looks up from her desk and sees Booth and Brennan through the window. Booth holds up his badge and taps the glass.)","BOOTH: FBI. I need to talk to you for one second. (Randy Siminoff turns around in his seat. He turns to Brennan.) Woah, do you see that kid right there in the red hat? I saw him at the chopper shop. I tell you what, when I talk to Kathy out here, you go in there and talk to him.","BRENNAN: No. Teenagers are dull-witted and very difficult to talk to.","BOOTH: Sorry, Bones, but you're all I got, okay? I can't go in there and question him - you know, I need a parent or an advocate but you're not law enforcement (whispers the last part because Kathy Lyford is making her way out) so you can ask anything that you want.","(Kathy Lyford opens the door.)","KATHY LYFORD: Can I help you guys?","BOOTH: Yeah, (shows his badge) FBI. We just have to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind.","KATHY LYFORD: Of course.","(Kathy Lyford and Booth leave and Brennan enters the classroom.)","INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM","(Seated are RANDY SIMINOFF, PAUL LINOTO, JILL MACINTOSH, and AMBER FLAIRE. Amber is sitting on Randy's lap.)","JILL MACINTOSH: You the sub?","BRENNAN: No. I'm a forensic anthropologist. And, for the record, I'm totally against detention as a form of juvenile punishment.","PAUL LINOTO: Yeah, if I wanna smoke, it's none of Big Brother's business.","BRENNAN: Oh, your big brother attends this school.","PAUL LINOTO: I'm talking about the teachers. We have rights. I take American History so I know.","JILL MACINTOSH: They try to control everything we do, you know, like we're still kids or something.","BRENNAN: You are certainly not kids. You've probably been menstruating for several years. In many primitive cultures, you'd be responsible for children of your own by now.","JILL MACINTOSH: Hm. You're cool.","BRENNAN: I am?","AMBER FLAIRE: Yeah, maybe you can help get me out of here. I don't even know why I'm here in the first place.","JILL MACINTOSH: You cheated on the chem. test.","AMBER FLAIRE: I'm from a broken home. That's gotta count for something.","BRENNAN: Well, what about you, sir? (She points to Randy) Why are you here?","(Randy scoffs.)","AMBER FLAIRE: Randy doesn't talk much.","PAUL LINOTO: The dude downloaded p0rn on the library computer.","AMBER FLAIRE: You're a little horn dog, aren't you? You know, I have a better way to make you unzip your pants.","(Amber rips open the zipper of his jeans. He pushes her off.)","RANDY SIMINOFF: Damn it, Amber!","(The other students laugh.)","BRENNAN: As adolescents, your decision-making process is compromised by hormonal changes. You can hardly be held accountable for your behaviour. (To Randy) You work repairing motorcycles, don't you?","(Randy gets up and leaves without answering.)","AMBER FLAIRE: Told you he didn't like to talk.","INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY","KATHY LYFORD: (Crying) Are you sure it's George?","BOOTH: Yeah, I'm sure.","KATHY LYFORD: Okay, I gotta go. I should call his parents.","(She starts to walk off but Booth stops her.)","BOOTH: Kathy, uh, last week - you took out a real expensive life insurance policy on your husband.","KATHY LYFORD: So?","BOOTH: I think you know what I'm suggesting here.","KATHY LYFORD: Wait. That - that policy was George's idea. Okay? We've been trying to have a baby and if something happened to him, he wanted to make sure that we were okay.","BOOTH: Your husband didn't come home last night; you don't find that odd?","KATHY LYFORD: I was on a field trip with my students in Mt. Vernon. I wasn't even going to see him until tonight.","BOOTH: I see.","KATHY LYFORD: I had no reason to believe he was missing, okay? I love my husband. I will - I will do anything to help your investigation.","BOOTH: Good. I'd like you to come along with me for further questioning.","KATHY LYFORD: Fine.","INT. JEFFERSONIAN - BONE ROOM","(Daisy and Hodgins are discussing the victim.)","DAISY: I extracted the bullet from the victim's sternum. I assumed he was shot.","HODGINS: Logical assumption.","DAISY: But, there are no striations on it.","HODGINS: Which means it wasn't fired from a gun.","DAISY: So, how would it have wound up embedded in his chest?","HODGINS: You suggesting I conduct an experiment?","DAISY: My idea, so, you have to let me help, right? (Sees the look Hodgins gives her and adds) Your highness.","(Hodgins smiles and starts to walk out.)","INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - BOOTH'S OFFICE","(Booth is sitting at his desk and Hannah walks in.)","HANNAH: Hey. (Shows him the picture she dropped, now in a new frame) I hope the frame's okay.","(Booth gets up)","BOOTH: Look at that. That's great.","HANNAH: You two look so much alike and the world is better for it.","(Hannah hands him the picture)","BOOTH: I want you to meet him.","HANNAH: (Surprised) You sure?","BOOTH: You don't wanna meet him?","HANNAH: Of course. But -","BOOTH: - What?","HANNAH: When I told you I wasn't very good with kids... that's true. I don't wanna mess anything up between you and your son.","BOOTH: Look, I love you, all right? He's gonna love you, too. (He walks around his desk to stand in front of Hannah) And don't think of him as a kid; just think of him as a short guy who's not allowed to drink.","HANNAH: What if he hates me?","BOOTH: That's impossible.","INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - INTERROGATION ROOM","(Sweets is talking to Kathy Lyford)","KATHY LYFORD: Look, I already told that Booth guy that George and I were in debt. Why do I have to keep going through this?","SWEETS: Well, the FBI feels that I could provide a different perspective.","KATHY LYFORD: You're a shrink. You guys make things up. I don't have to say anything, you know","SWEETS: I know but cooperating would certainly help your situation. So, you and your husband, you fought over money.","KATHY LYFORD: Like any couple, sure.","SWEETS: These are, uh, credit card statements (he holds up some papers) from the past year. I see you liked buying things off infomercials.","KATHY LYFORD: Well, you can get good deals on TV because they buy in bulk.","SWEETS: Gotcha. You also like online auctions... oh! I see you bought Star Wars trading cards.","KATHY LYFORD: Yeah. Growing up, me and my brothers were all fans of 'The Force'.","SWEETS: I understand. I'm a Star Warrior, myself. (He clears his throat and imitates C3PO) 'Don't you call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease'.","KATHY LYFORD: Excuse me?","SWEETS: C3PO. I sounded just like him. From Star Wars? That's, like, the most quoted line in the movie.","KATHY LYFORD: Yeah, of course.","SWEETS: Can you explain to me why you spent $500 on a Jedi Knight trading card with a red border when it's value was less than a dollar?","KATHY LYFORD: I don't know. I guess I made a mistake.","SWEETS: What about the, uh, Clone Wars card you bought last month? Again, you spent $500 but you could probably find it right now online for fifty cents.","KATHY LYFORD: Look, when I get stressed, I shop. You don't have to make it into a big deal.","SWEETS: I'm not making this into anything it's not. I assure you.","KATHY LYFORD: Okay.","EXT. STREET - DAY","(Booth and Brennan are walking towards the Royal Diner.)","BOOTH: So, Hannah's gonna meet Parker tomorrow.","BRENNAN: You don't sound happy about that.","BOOTH: No, I am, it's gonna be great. It's gonna be really good - I just, I'm a little worried, you know.","BRENNAN: Because your loyalty lies with Parker and if he doesn't accept Hannah, you may lose the woman you love.","BOOTH: It's not that simple, Bones.","BRENNAN: I suppose not. You could send him off to boarding school; that's what the English have done for many generations.","BOOTH: Boarding school? I'm not sending him to boarding school.","BRENNAN: Then, I wouldn't worry if I were you.","BOOTH: No?","BRENNAN: Won't do you any good. If your relationship falls apart, worrying won't salvage it.","BOOTH: Oh, thanks, Bones. I appreciate it.","BRENNAN: Of course.","(Sweets runs across the street to catch up to Booth and Brennan. They enter the diner together.)","SWEETS: Kathy Lyford spent thousands of dollars buying Star Wars trading cards online.","BOOTH: So? I had an aunt who spent every last dime on old-fashioned cookie jars. What's this have to do with our case?","(They sit down at the counter and pick up menus.)","SWEETS: Yeah, but there are hundreds of online merchants that sell Star Wars trading cards. Kathy bought all of her cards from the same person at grossly inflated prices.","BOOTH: So you're thinking that she was somehow laundering money through that online merchant?","(Sweets nods.)","BRENNAN: So, she was paying inflated prices for relatively worthless merchandise.","SWEETS: Yeah, that's exactly what I'm thinking. Kathy bought all of her cards from a seller named Vader649.","BOOTH: I'll tell you what. I'll get a subpoena for the identity of this Vader649. Good work, Sweets (Booth punches him on the shoulder).","SWEETS: Yeah, it was, wasn't it? Job well done. Well, you know...","INT. JEFFERSONIAN - OOKEY ROOM","(Daisy and Hodgins are setting up the experiment.)","HODGINS: 9 mm bullet is on the magnesium. Now, I can see if the fire would be enough to set it off.","DAISY: Proving that he was shot by ammunition that was stored in the car.","HODGINS: Yeah, which would explain the lack of striations.","DAISY: A simple yet elegant thesis.","HODGINS: Now, the mist simulates a light rain (he sprays water onto the magnesium strip) because water is needed to ignite the magnesium.","DAISY: And, although the magnesium can be ignited by heat from the rising sun, I'll use these burners to save us some time.","HODGINS: Here. (Hands daisy protective goggles) Given the fluorescent spectrometry of magnesium, you're gonna need those. All right. Any second now.","DAISY: Let's crank these suckers up.","(Daisy turns up the burners and seconds later, the bullet goes off.)","HODGINS: Ow!","DAISY: (Turns off the burners) Oh, are you okay?","HODGINS: You shot me!","DAISY: Well, technically, no. The bullet is in the backstop. You were struck by the bullet casing because we failed to account for Newton's Third Law of Motion: \"For every action, there's...\"","HODGINS: \"...an equal and opposite reaction.\" I know. Now, can you please go get me a first aid kit?!","DAISY: Oh, yes, of course! (She starts to run off but then turns around) Dr. Hodgins! Our experiment was a success, wasn't it? (She slaps him on his arm... the same one that got shot)","HODGINS: Ow! Go!","FBI HEADQUARTERS - INTERROGATION ROOM","(Sweets is interrogating Paul Linoto. A child advocate, MS. HANOVER, is sitting beside him.)","SWEETS: Paul, we know that you're Vader649.","PAUL LINOTO: So? Is there a law against using that screen name?","SWEETS: No, I'm actually more interested in the fact that you were suspended for fighting, bullying -","MS. HANOVER: - As his advocate, I have to object, Dr. Sweets.","SWEETS: Okay, I assure you that I am as concerned with Paul's welfare as you are. If he's in trouble, he needs help.","PAUL LINOTO: I didn't do anything wrong.","SWEETS: You've been selling Star Wars cards to your teacher, haven't you?","PAUL LINOTO: Yeah. Capitalism is king, right?","SWEETS: Well, she's been paying you a lot more than they were worth. A lot more. Over $3000 on worthless cards. Mrs. Lyford was paying you for something else, wasn't she?","MS. HANOVER: Don't answer that.","SWEETS: If he can offer an explanation, it could help him 'cause right now the FBI thinks that Mrs. Lyford paid you to kill her husband.","MS. HANOVER: Paul, not another word.","[SCENE_BREAK]","ACT FOUR","INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - INTERROGATION ROOM","(Sweets is interrogating Kathy Lyford, again.)","SWEETS: You were paying Paul Linoto $500 a month for worthless trading cards. Now, I don't wanna make this more than it is but it looks pretty bad without any help from me.","KATHY LYFORD: Okay, look, I admit that I was paying him for something. I couldn't afford the cash and it was a way to charge it.","SWEETS: The FBI thinks that you were charging $500 a month, on your credit card, as payment for Paul to murder your husband so you could get a nice payout from his life insurance policy.","KATHY LYFORD: God, no, I wouldn't do that, no.","SWEETS: No? Okay. Why were you paying him?","KATHY LYFORD: I was having an affair, okay? Paul caught us together and he was blackmailing me. He said I had to pay him $500 a month or he was gonna tell my husband.","SWEETS: It's amazing how complicated deceitful relationships can get, isn't it? I'll need to know who you were sleeping with.","KATHY LYFORD: Is that really necessary? I mean, it's just gonna hurt more people.","SWEETS: If you didn't murder your husband, yeah, it's very necessary.","KATHY LYFORD: He's one of my students. His name is Randy Siminoff. George got him a job working at Jesse's Chopper Shop.","SWEETS: He's a student? How old is he?","KATHY LYFORD: 17. Look, I know it was stupid. Are you gonna file charges against me?","SWEETS: That's up to the D.A.","KATHY LYFORD: I loved my husband, Dr. Sweets. Me and Randy just sort of happened but I am a good teacher.","SWEETS: No. No, actually, you're not. Does Randy love you?","KATHY LYFORD: I don't know. I don't...","SWEETS: He's young, Mrs. Lyford. Too young to deal with the situation you put him in. You know, it's possible he thought if he killed your husband, you two could be together more permanently.","KATHY LYFORD: God. I...","SWEETS: Yeah. You're really not a good teacher at all.","(Sweets gets up and leaves.)","INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - SWEETS' OFFICE","(Sweets is on his computer when there is a knock at the door.)","SWEETS: Yup.","DAISY: Hi Lance.","SWEETS: I thought you were my three o'clock. You know, I have a patient coming.","DAISY: I'll be quick. I'm having my psych evaluation later.","SWEETS: I know. I normally do them but I recused myself.","DAISY: Because we still have feelings?","SWEETS: Yes.","DAISY: That's nice.","SWEETS: I know.","DAISY: The feelings. Not the recusing.","SWEETS: It's only ethical for me to recuse myself.","DAISY: No. It's hurtful, too.","SWEETS: What're you driving at, Miss Daisy?","DAISY: What's on the test, Lance?","SWEETS: No. I can't tell you that.","DAISY: But you know I'm brilliant at my job and you know that people have a tendency to... misjudge me.","SWEETS: Yeah.","DAISY: Because they don't know me like you do. And it wouldn't be fair for me to lose my security clearance because of that. (She steps closer to him and places her hands on his shoulder) Lancelot doesn't want Miss Daisy to lose the job she loves, does he?","SWEETS: No, of course not but, you know, it wouldn't be ethical for me to help you.","DAISY: Okay.","SWEETS: Okay?","(She kisses him.)","DAISY: I'll probably find another job....","SWEETS: Ohh.","DAISY: ...somewhere. Probably.","SWEETS: Ohh. (Sighs) Okay, we can discuss the test but I'm not gonna give you the answers.","DAISY: Oh, Lancelot!","(They kiss but pull away when there is a sudden knock at the door.)","SWEETS: Oh, so thank you. Okay, that'll be it for today. I, uh, I will schedule our next appointment soon?","DAISY: Yes, doctor. Thank you, doctor.","SWEETS: You're welcome, patient.","(Daisy leaves and closes the door behind her. Sweets sits down with his next patient.)","SWEETS: So, Agent Coors, I hope, uh, the books I gave you on multiple personality disorder helped. (The agent shrugs) Okay.","INT. JEFFERSONIAN - ANGELA'S OFFICE","(Angela has the x-ray of the twisted bones up on the Angelatron. She is speaking with Brennan.)","ANGELA: So, after I scanned in all the bones, I remembered Girolamo Cardano.","BRENNAN: The 16th century Italian mathematician and anatomist?","ANGELA: Yeah, that's the guy. He developed a series of mathematical equations to describe the skeletal system. So, programming the equations into the computer, I was able to reconstruct the skeletal system - the same way a forensic architect could reconstruct a collapsed building.","BRENNAN: You straightened out the bones?","ANGELA: I sure did. Check this out.","(Angela presses a button and the twisted bones on the screen become straightened out again!)","BRENNAN: Amazing.","ANGELA: Now, there are marks on the victim's ileum.","BRENNAN: I don't believe an injury at that location would be fatal. But, a nicked mandible could be, especially if the carotid was transected. The victim would've bled out.","ANGELA: And we'd have cause of death.","BRENNAN: Based on the wound tract which narrows to a point, we're looking at a knife.","ANGELA: So, he was stabbed.","BRENNAN: Daisy will need to find the actual warped bone so she can swab the wound for trace from the murder weapon.","ANGELA: No problem. (Angela twists the bones back to the original configuration and locates where the bone actually is.) That's the one.","EXT. PARK - DAY","(Booth, Parker, and Hannah sit in uncomfortable silence on the park bench. Parker is bouncing a basketball on the spot.)","BOOTH: Okay, oh! (He grabs the basketball away from Parker) So, uh, hey Hannah here was in a real, live camel race. Why don't you tell him all about it.","HANNAH: I almost won but the camel stopped right before the finish line. He decided to take a nap. Right there. On the racetrack.","BOOTH: That's funny, isn't it?","PARKER: Can I go shoot some baskets? (He takes the ball back from Booth)","BOOTH: No, you can't shoot some baskets right now. Listen, hey, tell her about your science fair at school. He came in second.","PARKER: Do I have to?","BOOTH: Yeah, tell her about the volcano you made. It was so cool! We built that-","HANNAH: (Interrupts) Seeley, can I talk to you for a sec?","BOOTH: Yeah.","(Hannah and Booth take a few steps away.)","HANNAH: (Sighs) This isn't working.","BOOTH: All right, just give him a minute. He just needs time to warm-up.","HANNAH: Give me a few minutes. Alone. Look, I'm taking your advice. He's just a short guy who can't drink.","BOOTH: Look, I didn't want this to be...","HANNAH: I'm a journalist. I've cracked tougher nuts than Parker.","BOOTH: Right.","HANNAH: 'Kay?","(The two of them walk back to Parker.)","BOOTH: All right, tell you what, I gotta go get my phone from the car, okay? Stay here with Hannah.","(Hannah sits down and Parker immediately scoots further away from her.)","HANNAH: You don't know who I am so you don't trust me. Maybe you hate me a little. Or even a lot. I might be trying to steal your dad. Wouldn't it be better if you knew for sure what was going on? So you have a real reason to hate me? So, here I am. Just ask me anything you want, anything at all.","PARKER: (After a pause) Were you really on a camel?","HANNAH: Yes.","PARKER: Do you sleep with my dad?","HANNAH: Yes.","PARKER: If you got married, what would I have to call you?","HANNAH: Hannah. That's my name.","PARKER: Would you have kids?","HANNAH: No. There are children already in this world who need good homes. If I decided to have a child, I'd adopt one of those kids.","PARKER: That's a good answer.","HANNAH: I thought so, too.","PARKER: Do you like dogs or cats?","HANNAH: Dogs.","PARKER: Burgers or hotdogs?","HANNAH: Both.","PARKER: What's your favourite ice cream?","HANNAH: Chocolate.","PARKER: I like strawberry. (A beat, then) Do you have any questions for me?","HANNAH: What's your middle name?","PARKER: Matthew.","HANNAH: Would you ever wanna ride a camel?","PARKER: Sure. I'm a kid.","HANNAH: What's your favourite TV show?","PARKER: The Wizards of Waverly Place. When the dad married the mom, he had to give up his magical powers. I would never give up my magical powers for a girl.","HANNAH: I don't blame you. (She moves a little closer to Parker and this time, he doesn't move away) Why didn't you win first place in your science fair?","PARKER: 'Cause Ben Bradley cheated and his dad did his entire project for him. They used a potato to turn on a light bulb.","HANNAH: Creep.","PARKER: Totally.","HANNAH: (About the basketball) Can I see that? (Parker tosses it to her) How do I do that... spin-y thing? (She attempts to twirl the ball on her finger)","PARKER: Wait, no.","HANNAH: Aw. How's that?","PARKER: You have to spin it faster.","(Parker shows Hannah and Booth smiles as he watches from afar.)","ACT FIVE","INT. BOOTH'S CAR - DAY","(Booth and Brennan are driving to the high school.)","BRENNAN: I didn't get Randy Siminoff to talk before but now that I know that he has a preference for more mature, teacher types, perhaps I can charm him.","BOOTH: Hey, hey, hey, no and no.","BRENNAN: You don't think that I would appeal to him?","BOOTH: What? No, of course you would.","BRENNAN: Thank you.","BOOTH: Yeah.","BRENNAN: Because I'm cool, you know. The delinquents told me that and Parker said I was too - when I did the cannonball into the pool, do you remember that?","BOOTH: Yes, I do, I do. You drenched my meatball sandwich, how could I forget.","(They laugh.)","BRENNAN: How did it go with Hannah and Parker, by the way? Did they meet?","BOOTH: Yeah, yeah, it was good. I mean, I'm telling you, she really is amazing with him.","BRENNAN: Why wouldn't she be? Everyone loves her.","BOOTH: Right? Yeah, I think it's gonna work out.","BRENNAN: I'm glad. The three of you can come over and swim any time you like.","BOOTH: Okay.","BRENNAN: I know how much Parker loves the pool.","BOOTH: Great, thanks.","(Super awkward looks and silence follows.)","BRENNAN: So, how are we gonna get Randy to talk?","BOOTH: Ah, we might not have to yet.","INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY","(Students are lining the hall as Booth and Brennan open Randy Siminoff's locker.)","BOOTH: Since there's no right to privacy on campus, we have the authority to look in his locker. Maybe there's a journal or some kind of note.","(Brennan puts on some gloves and starts to rifle through the locker.)","BRENNAN: Well, there's this. (She brandishes a knife)","(Students murmur and Randy Siminoff rushes at Paul Linoto.)","BOOTH: Hey, hey! (Booth holds Randy back) All right, Bones, let's call the child advocate. She's got a new client.","INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - SWEETS' OFFICE","(Sweets and Daisy are sitting on the couch.)","SWEETS: Okay, the way it works is that in these psychological tests, there are a number of crucial questions.","DAISY: Crucial, yes.","SWEETS: The rest hardly matter. Now, the computer looks at the questions to see if any of the answers set off alarm bells.","DAISY: Your abilities are so wide-ranging with your insights and applicable real-world know-how.","SWEETS: Now, I'm not gonna give you any of the answers. We don't wanna cheat.","DAISY: No.","SWEETS: Just forewarned is forearmed.","DAISY: Absolutely.","SWEETS: Okay. For example, if one of the questions were to be: What is your favourite colour?","DAISY: Oh! Anything in the 630 to 740 nanometre range.","SWEETS: Which would be...","DAISY: Red! (Sweets shakes his head) Red is bad. (Sweets nods) What's good?","SWEETS: Cheating, Daisy.","DAISY: Um, something in the 520 to 570 nanometre range? (Sweets shrugs) That's green.","SWEETS: Green! Okay, good, green is good. All right, next question: What is your favourite number?","DAISY: (Shrugs) Either of Feigenbaum's constants.","SWEETS: Try to think of an actual recognizable number between one and ten.","DAISY: No, in that case, the question should be: What's your favourite numeral.","SWEETS: Two. Say two.","DAISY: We're cheating now?","SWEETS: Yeah. Are you in a committed, monogamous relationship?","DAISY: Yes.","SWEETS: Good.","DAISY: That wasn't on the test, was it? You just wanna know if I'm faithful.","SWEETS: No, it was on the test but I'm glad.","DAISY: You know why your name is Sweets?","SWEETS: Why?","DAISY: Because you're so sweet.","SWEETS: Aw.","(She leans over to kiss him and her eyes look down at the paper.)","SWEETS: (Breaks the kiss and pulls the test away) Are you trying to cheat?","DAISY: It was a glance, that's all! I... but... next question.","(Sweets' cellphone rings.)","SWEETS: Hold on. (Checks his phone) Sorry, Agent Booth needs me.","DAISY: Sure! I'll wait here, look over the questions.","SWEETS: No, you don't need to. You'll be fine.","DAISY: But...","SWEETS: Trust me, Miss Daisy. You'll be fine.","(He gets up to leave.)","INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - INTERROGATION ROOM","(Sweets is interrogating Randy Siminoff with Ms. Hanover, the child advocate.)","RANDY SIMINOFF: Yeah, I was having s*x with Mrs. Lyford but it was - it was no big deal.","SWEETS: While your peers might think that having s*x with an adult is a kind of a victory, it's still abusive and the psychological damage can be significant.","MS. HANOVER: Dr. Sweets, where is this going?","SWEETS: As his child advocate, I think you would know, Ms. Hanover. Studies show that as the relationship fails, the student often feels powerless and angry. Look, Agent Booth found a knife in your locker. George Lyford was killed with a knife.","RANDY SIMINOFF: I brought it to school to pry open a dude's locker and shove in a dead trout. It was a prank. He started it when he put pepper spray in my gym shorts.","SWEETS: Okay. Okay, let's get back to you and your teacher. Now, you claim it was just s*x. You had no deeper feelings for her?","RANDY SIMINOFF: That's right.","SWEETS: But we have your cellphone records, Randy. You and Mrs. Lyford talked an average of two hours a day for the past three months. That doesn't sound like just s*x.","RANDY SIMINOFF: Okay, so I love her. I mean, why is that so crazy? She loves me, too. I could feel it. But, I didn't kill anyone, okay? I didn't have to. She would've left him.","MS. HANOVER: Randy. Stop talking.","SWEETS: Now, I understand that you're here to protect him but we need to know where Randy was two nights ago when George Lyford was killed.","RANDY SIMINOFF: Home. Like every night.","SWEETS: All right. Was anyone home with you?","RANDY SIMINOFF: I live with my aunt but she works nights. (Shakes his head) She loves me, okay? I know that. She would've left him.","INT. JEFFERSONIAN - OOKEY ROOM","(Hodgins is showing Brennan results on his computer.)","HODGINS: I got the swab results back. S.E.M. analysis says the murder weapon was a knife made of carbon steel.","BRENNAN: Which means it was forged prior to 1964.","HODGINS: It also means that the knife you found in Randy's locker was not the murder weapon. The knife that stabbed our victim was laminated in silver.","BRENNAN: Why would you laminate a blade in silver? It's a soft metal.","HODGINS: That's right. No one uses silver to laminate a blade... unless it's the Damascus blade.","BRENNAN: You said that with a great dramatic flourish, please continue.","HODGINS: Hitler had 30 Damascus blades hand-forged as presents for his top commanders. (He brings up pictures on the computer) Now, those knives were coveted by American GIs. Some of them were taken as souvenirs by soldiers in Patton's Third Army.","BRENNAN: The owner of the Chopper Shop had a grandfather who served in Patton's -","HODGINS with BRENNAN: (Simultaneously) - Third Army.","HODGINS: Yeah, I know. The murder weapon must've belonged to Jesse Wilson.","ACT SIX","INT. JESSE'S CHOPPER SHOP","(Booth is talking to Jesse Wilson.)","JESSE WILSON: What's this about? I told you about George, I helped.","BOOTH: Right, I appreciate that. Now, maybe you can explain why George Lyford was killed with your knife.","JESSE WILSON: Woah, slow down. You said George was shot. He was stabbed to death?","BOOTH: Stabbed, that's right. Patton's Third Army - grandfather brought back a knife from Nazi Germany, didn't he?","JESSE WILSON: Yeah, it was awesome but it was stolen from my shop.","BOOTH: That's pretty valuable to just leave lying around here, huh?","JESSE WILSON: Valuable? I didn't know. I left it with the other stuff: the helmets, metals, badges... it's all gone now. The Nazi stuff, a bunch of my tools, and some chopper parts all jacked from my shop.","BOOTH: When was that? Yesterday?","JESSE WILSON: No. Six months ago. I filed a police report. I always suspected Randy's girlfriend but I didn't have any proof.","BOOTH: Randy had a girlfriend.","JESSE WILSON: (Shrugs) On again, off again. She's trouble. After the stuff was jacked, she didn't come around so much.","BOOTH: Hm.","INT. JEFFERSONIAN - BONE ROOM","(Brennan is examining the bones on the exam table. Daisy walks in, excited.)","DAISY: I've been approved! I passed my psychological evaluation.","BRENNAN: An absurd and useless requirement.","DAISY: I agree. But, when seen through Lance's eyes, psychology can be fascinating.","BRENNAN: When asked what my favourite colour was, I responded something in the 520 to 570 nanometre range. (Laughs) They were baffled. Fools.","DAISY: I agree but I'm glad I made the cut. I could be working here forever now.","BRENNAN: Then, be useful. I'm examining the right ileum which, due to demineralization is now located where we'd normally find the ischial tuberosity.","DAISY: Why are you examining the ileum?","BRENNAN: (They walk over to look at the blown-up picture on the computer screen) Angela identified some faint impressions on the bone. They appear to be a sequence of dash marks. Upon further investigation, I realized there is a second sequence that converges with the first.","DAISY: You think those marks are probative?","BRENNAN: Not sure. (Prints out the picture on the screen) To the naked eye, these marks appear to be random (She takes a marker and starts to draw on the picture) but if I extrapolate like so... what could possibly form this shape on the ileum?","DAISY: May I? I'm authorized to work on my own now.","BRENNAN: Of course.","DAISY: (She turns the picture upside down) Dr. Brennan, it's a zipper!","BRENNAN: (Moves Daisy away to see for herself) An open zipper and the teeth are bent. It's been ripped open - I saw someone do this just yesterday. Very good work, Ms. Wick.","DAISY: (Smiles) Well, that's what happens when you have the faith of the FBI behind you.","(Sweets walk in and holds up Daisy's security badge.)","SWEETS: Hi, I asked if I could deliver your ID card myself.","DAISY: (Knocks over a tray in her excitement) Oh! (She runs over to hug Sweets)","SWEETS: Congratulations.","(Sweets and Daisy are about to kiss but then look over to see Brennan's disapproving look. They hug instead.)","DAISY: (Pointing to the tray) I'll clean that up.","SWEETS: Put it on!","DAISY: Okay!","EXT. CRIME SCENE - DAY","(Booth, Brennan, Ms. Hanover, and Amber Flaire are looking at the melted truck.)","MS. HANOVER: What are we doing out here, Agent Booth?","BOOTH: Amber said she would do anything in order to cooperate with the investigation so we thought we would bring her here to the crime scene so she could explain some things.","AMBER FLAIRE: Explain what?","BRENNAN: We know it was you, Amber. We know you killed George Lyford.","AMBER FLAIRE: That's crazy.","BOOTH: We also know that you pawned some stolen tools from Jesse's Chopper Shop, you know, pawn shops - they keep records, too.","AMBER FLAIRE: Well, Jesse cut Randy's pay so I figured out a way to make up the difference.","BOOTH: Because he was your boyfriend?","AMBER FLAIRE: So?","BOOTH: You know, you didn't pawn everything, though, because we found this in your bedroom.","BRENNAN: That's the murder weapon, Amber.","AMBER FLAIRE: He tried to rape me. That's why George drove me out here.","BOOTH: No, you had the knife on you because you thought George would be angry enough to kill his wife.","BRENNAN: That way, you could have Randy back but George wouldn't help you.","BOOTH: So, you thought you could get revenge on Mrs. Lyford by having s*x with her husband.","BRENNAN: His zipper was ripped open the same way you ripped Randy's zipper in detention.","BOOTH: George didn't want to have s*x with you, Randy dumped you, George pushed you away so you just went bonkers and stabbed him with the knife.","AMBER FLAIRE: Even if you can prove it, I'll be out in a year, tops. I'm just a kid from a broken home.","INT. ROYAL DINER - NIGHT","(Booth and Brennan are sitting at a table, eating and talking.)","BRENNAN: So, what's going to happen with the teacher?","BOOTH: The D.A.'s gonna press charges, she'll do time.","BRENNAN: Really?","BOOTH: Yeah, and then whatever you do, don't start telling me how natural it is what she did because the women in the Ramalamadingdong tribe liked to sleep with teenaged boys.","BRENNAN: I wasn't. I think it's just that the teacher pay for her actions, no matter what other societies may accept. Although, I have no knowledge of the Ramalamadingdong tribe.","BOOTH: Chief Shoobop-Shoobop invented rock-and-roll. (He smiles)","BRENNAN: (Smiling) Oh, a joke! Very funny. Perhaps your chief knows Chief Polyphony of the Gavotte tribe. He invented Baroque music that always starts on the third beat of the bar.","(Brennan laughs and then so does Booth when he sees that Hannah and Parker have arrived. Parker is laughing, too.)","BOOTH: There they are. Come on, kid.","PARKER: Dad, we went to the zoo. They had camel rides.","HANNAH: I was sure he'd ridden one before. He could be a jockey.","BOOTH: The zoo, huh? What happened to just going to get ice cream?","HANNAH: Yeah, yeah at the zoo.","PARKER: We saw a lion pee for, like, ten minutes.","BOOTH: Wow.","BRENNAN: That would be physically impossible. An adult lion's bladder, when full, can hold approximately 1500 mL of urine. The bladder would completely empty in 37.5 seconds.","PARKER: She says weird stuff like that all the time. She's cool.","(Brennan smiles.)","HANNAH: Yes. We're friends, actually.","PARKER: She knows everything. Watch this. What animal farts the most?","BOOTH: Hey, hey, hey.","(Hannah laughs.)","BRENNAN: The termite because of their diet and digestive process, they produce as much methane gas as human industry but you can't hear them.","PARKER: Isn't she cool?","HANNAH: Very.","PARKER: We can go to her house and go swim. She can do a cannonball.","HANNAH: Oh.","PARKER: Hannah can come, can't she?","BRENNAN: Sure. (Hannah and Brennan trade smiles.)","BOOTH: Hey, kid. Hey, a little chocolate ice cream on the chin there, kid? (He tries to wipe it off of Parker)","PARKER: (Smiling) Yeah, it's my new favourite flavour.","BOOTH: Wow. (To Hannah) You're amazing.","HANNAH: (Mouths) Thank you.","(Booth and Hannah hold hands. Brennan sees and there's a look.)","END."],"Show Title":"Bones","Episode Number":"06x08","Episode Title":"The Twisted Bones in the Melted Truck","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_02x07.json","Recap":["Out patrolling, Buffy spies Angel with a demonstrative Drusilla, then catches him in a lie later. Billy \"Ford\" Fordham, Buffy's long-time LA school chum, transfers to Sunnydale High, but nobody suspects he is negotiating a deal with Spike-and offering the Slayer as trade goods. Angel discreetly enlists Willow's help."],"Transcript":["Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. Sunnydale Park after dusk. The playground is deserted. The carousel slowly turns, and the swings move in the light evening breeze. The only person there is a boy sitting on the jungle gym, waiting for his ride home.","James: C'mon, Mom. She's always late. The camera pans around him until Drusilla can be seen slowly walking toward him from behind.","Drusilla: Are you lost?","James: (looks back at her) No. My mom's just supposed to pick me up is all. (climbs out of the gym)","Drusilla: Do you want me to walk you home?","James: No, thank you.","Drusilla: (touches the gym) My mummy used to sing me to sleep at night. (slowly walks around the gym as she sings) Run and catch \/ The lamb is caught in the blackberry patch... She had the sweetest voice. What will your mummy sing when they find your body?","James: (looks at her nervously) I'm not supposed to talk to people.","Drusilla: Oh. Well, I'm not a person, see, so that's just... Angel suddenly steps between her and the boy.","Angel: (to the boy, sternly) Run home. The boy only hesitates for a moment before running off. Drusilla watches him run away in dismay. Angel takes a breath and turns around to face her.","Drusilla: My Angel!","Angel: Hello, Drusilla.","Drusilla: (slowly approaches) Do you remember the song mummy used to sing me? Pretty.","Angel: I remember.","Drusilla: (senses) Yes, you do.","Angel: Drusilla, leave here. I'm offering you that chance. Take Spike and get out.","Drusilla: Or you'll hurt me? Angel looks down at the ground.","Drusilla: (senses) No. No, you can't. Not anymore.","Angel: If you don't leave it'll go badly. For all of us.","Drusilla: My dear boy's gone all away, hasn't he? To her.","Cut to the roof of the building across the street from the park.","Angel: Who? Buffy walks along the roof keeping watch.","Drusilla: The girl. The Slayer. Buffy senses something and heads for the edge of the roof. Cut to the park.","Drusilla: Your heart stinks of her. (puts her hand on his chest) Poor little thing. (cut to Buffy) She has no idea what's in store. Buffy looks over the edge and sees them standing close together. She can overhear.","Angel: This can't go on, Drusilla. It's gotta end. She tilts her head and reaches up for a kiss.","Drusilla: Oh, no, my pet. This is just the beginning. She pulls away without kissing and gives him an evil smile. She keeps her head turned to him as she slowly walks away. Buffy swallows at what she sees. Angel watches Drusilla go for another moment, then turns to leave also. Buffy steps away from the edge of the roof and runs off. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High School the next morning.","Jenny: It's a secret! Cut inside. Jenny and Giles come down the stairs.","Giles: What kind of a secret?","Jenny: Uh, the kind that's secret. You know, where I don't actually tell you what it is.","Giles: I think it's customary that when two people are going out on an evening that they, they both have an idea of where they're going.","Jenny: Oh, come on! Where is your sense of adventure?","Giles: Well, I, I... Uh, how will I know what to wear?","Jenny: (looks at his tweed suit) Do you own anything else?","Giles: Uh, w-well, not as such, no, um...","Jenny: (laughs) Rupert, you're gonna have to trust me.","Giles: Alright, alright, I p-put myself in your hands.","Jenny: That sounds like fun. (starts on her way) Okay, tomorrow night, 7:30, right?","Giles: Yes. Buffy comes up to him as Jenny leaves.","Buffy: Hey.","Giles: Hello. (they start to the library) Um, did we hunt last night?","Buffy: I did a couple quick sweeps downtown.","Giles: Any encounters?","Buffy: Nothing vampirey.","Giles: Uh, I've been researching your friend Spike. Uh, the profile is fairly unappetizing. But I-I still haven't got a bead on why he's here.","Buffy: You'll figure it out.","Giles: You alright? You seem a little glum.","Buffy: I'm fine. They stop outside the library.","Giles: Why don't you take the night off?","Buffy: Okay. That'd be nice.","Giles: Yes. You could spend some time with Angel.","Buffy: I don't know. He might have other plans. She walks off to class. Giles wonders what that was all about.","Cut to class. Buffy opens a note from Willow.","Note: Do you know who she was?","Boy: Well, it seems like Louis XVI was just sort of a weak king. Buffy and Willow glance at each other. Buffy starts to write an answer to the note.","Teacher: That's fair enough. Uh, any other impressions? The camera pans forward to Cordelia sitting in front of Buffy. Xander is across from her in front of Willow, and looks over at Cordelia with his head propped up on his fist.","Cordelia: I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don't appreciate that kind of effort. Buffy has finished her answer to Willow's note.","Answer: No Dark hair Old dress pretty","Cordelia: And I know the peasants were all depressed...","Xander: I think you mean 'oppressed'.","Cordelia: Whatever. They were cranky. Buffy folds the note and hands it back to Willow.","Cordelia: So they're, like, 'Let's lose some heads'. Uhhh! That's fair. And, and Marie Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna let them have cake! The camera pans over to Willow finishing another note.","Teacher: Yes, well, that's a very interesting perspective. Willow hands Buffy the note.","Teacher: Um, would anyone else like to comment? Buffy opens the note.","Note: Vampire? The bell rings. Cut to the hall. Buffy, Willow and Xander come out of class.","Buffy: I don't know. I don't think so. They seemed pretty friendly.","Xander: Who's friendly?","Buffy: No one.","Willow: Angel and a girl.","Buffy: Willow, do we have to be in total share mode?","Xander: Hey, it's me. If Angel's doing somethin' wrong, I wanna know. 'Cause it gives me a happy! (smiles) They head into the lounge.","Buffy: Mm, I'm glad someone has a happy.","Xander: Aw, you just need cheering up. And I know just the thing! (does a wild move) Crazed dance party at the Bronze!","Buffy: I dunno. (crosses her arms, depressed)","Xander: Very calm dance party at the Bronze? (Buffy gives him a glum look) Moping at the Bronze. He sits on a couch next to Willow. Ford walks up the steps behind Buffy.","Ford: I'd suggest a box of Oreos dunked in apple juice, but maybe she's over that phase. Buffy uncrosses her arms and turns around.","Buffy: Ford?","Ford: Hey, Summers! They embrace.","Ford: How ya been?","Buffy: Oh, my God! What are you doing here? They let go and hold both hands.","Ford: Uh, matriculating.","Buffy: Huh?","Ford: I'm finishing out my senior year at Sunnydale High. Dad got transferred.","Buffy: This is great!","Ford: I'm glad you think so. Xander is not pleased.","Ford: I didn't think you'd remember me.","Buffy: Remember you? Duh! We only went to school together for seven years. You were my giant fifth grade crush.","Xander: So! You two know each other.","Buffy: Oh! (turns to Xander and Willow) I'm sorry. Um, this is Ford! Uh, Billy Fordham, this is Xander and Willow! Buffy and Ford go to sit on the other couch.","Xander: Hi.","Ford: Hey.","Willow: Nice to meet you!","Buffy: Uh, Ford and I went to Hemery together in L.A. (to Ford) And now you're here. For real?","Ford: Dad got the transfer, and boom, he just dragged me outta Hemery and put me down here.","Buffy: This is great! Well, I mean, it's hard, sudden move, all your friends, delicate time, very emotional, but let's talk about me! (puts her hand on his knee) This is great!","Willow: (smiles) So, you two were sweeties in fifth grade?","Buffy: Not even. Ford wouldn't give me the time of day.","Ford: Well, I was a manly sixth-grader. I couldn't bother with someone that young.","Buffy: It was terrible. I moped over you for months. Sitting in my room listening to that Divinyls song 'I Touch Myself'. She realizes how what she just said could be taken and casts a nervous look at Xander and Willow.","Buffy: Of course, I had no idea what it was about. Ford nervously scratches his temple with his finger. Xander just smiles and nods.","Buffy: (to Ford) Hey, are you busy tonight? We're going to the Bronze, it's the local club, and you have to come.","Ford: I'd love to! But if you guys already had plans... Would I be imposing?","Xander: No, only in the literal sense.","Ford: Okay, then! I, I gotta find the admissions office, (gets up) uh, get my papers in order.","Buffy: Well, you know what, (gets up) I'll take you there, and I'll see you guys in French! (takes Ford's arm)","Ford: It was good to meet you. (they go) Xander smiles at them until they've gone. Next to him Willow has a thoughtful look on her face.","Xander: (sarcastically) This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my friends! Jeez, doesn't she know any fat guys?","Willow: (realizes) Oh, that's what that song is about?!","Cut to the Bronze. Xander, Willow and Ford are playing pool. Ford sinks his shot and sets up for another as Buffy arrives at the table.","Buffy: Ford! You made it.","Ford: Wasn't hard to find.","Willow: Buffy, Ford was just telling us about the ninth grade beauty contest, and the, uh, swimsuit competition.","Buffy: Oh, my God, Ford, stop that! The more people you tell, the more people I have to kill.","Ford: You can't touch me, Summers. I know all your darkest secrets.","Xander: Care to make a small wager on that?","Buffy: I'm gonna go get a drink. Ford, try not to talk. She heads for the bar and finds Angel there.","Buffy: Hi.","Angel: Hey! I was hoping you'd show.","Buffy: (sees he has a drink) You drink! I mean, drinks. Non-blood things.","Angel: There's a lot about me you don't know.","Buffy: I believe that.","Cut to the pool table. They're racking them up. Ford sees Buffy with Angel.","Willow: That's Angel.","Xander: He's Buffy's beau. (sarcastically) Her special friend.","Ford: He's not in school, right? He looks older than her.","Xander: You're not wrong.","Cut to the bar.","Buffy: So. What'd you do last night?","Angel: Nothin'.","Buffy: Nothing at all. You ceased to exist?","Angel: No, I mean I stayed in, read.","Buffy: Oh. She goes back to the pool table without another word. Angel stands there confused for a moment, then follows her.","Ford: Didn't want that soda after all?","Buffy: Not thirsty.","Willow: Hey, Angel.","Ford: Hi.","Buffy: (turns to Angel) This is Ford. We went to school together in","L.A.","Angel: Nice to meet you. (shakes Ford's hand)","Ford: Whoa! Cold hands!","Xander: You're not wrong.","Buffy gives Xander a look.","Angel: So, you're here visiting Buffy?","Ford: No, I'm actually here to stay. Just moved down.","Willow: Hey, Angel? Do you wanna play?","Buffy: Y'know, it's getting really crowded in here tonight. Um... I'm a little hot. (to Ford) You wanna take a walk?","Ford: Um, sure! That'd be nice.","Buffy: Okay, then, um... (to the others) I'll see ya tomorrow. (leads Ford out past Angel)","Angel: Good night.","Ford: Take care.","Xander: Okay, once more with tension.","Angel: He just moved here?","Xander: Yeah. And, boy, does he move fast.","Willow: Well, Angel, we could still play. She moves the rack into position, and when she looks back up Angel is gone.","Willow: See, you made him do that thing where he's gone. Xander dismisses her comment and gets ready to break. Cut outside to the alley. Buffy and Ford stroll slowly along.","Ford: So, that was your boyfriend?","Buffy: No. Uh, yeah. Maybe. Could we lay off the tough questions for a while?","Ford: Sorry. So! What else do you do for fun around here? She hears noises coming from around the corner and suspects a vampire.","Buffy: Um, my purse. I-I, I left my purse at the Bronze. Uh, could you get it for me?","Ford: Uh, okay. (heads back)","Buffy: Good. Run! Thanks! He starts to jog. A second later she starts running in the opposite direction and around the corner. Ford looks back and stops when he sees she's gone. He can hear a woman crying. He starts to walk back. When he's almost there a woman comes running around the corner and past him. He continues on, and is startled by a metal trashcan flying in front of him and into a stack of crates. He can hear punching and grunting. He sees someone hit the pavement face first. He peeks around the corner and sees a vampire get up and take a swing at Buffy. She ducks the punch and kicks the vampire in the face. The vampire swings again, and Buffy grabs his fist and holds on while she punches him in the face. Ford watches as she pulls out a stake and thrusts it into the vampire's chest. He staggers back into the wall and explodes into ashes.","Ford: What's goin' on? Buffy is surprised and spins around to face him.","Buffy: Um... uh, there was a, a cat. A cat here, and, um, then there was a-another cat... and they fought. The cats. And... then they left.","Ford: Oh. I thought you were just slaying a vampire.","Buffy: What? Whating a what?","Ford: I know, Buffy. You don't have to lie. I-I've been trying to figure out the right time to, to tell you. I know you're the Slayer. Buffy is taken aback.","Cut to later in Willow's room. She's on the phone with Buffy.","Willow: Just like that he told you?","Buffy: Just like that. (cut to her room) Said he found out right before I got booted from Hemery.","Willow: Wow! (cut to her) It's neat! Is it neat?","Buffy: (cut to her) Yeah, I guess it is. I don't have to constantly worry that he's gonna find out my dark secret. It just makes everything easier.","Cut to an alley. Ford is heading for the Sunset Club. He knocks on a heavy metal door, and the viewport opens. It closes and the door opens to let him in. Cut inside. A welder is cutting the knob off of the inside door. Ford goes down the stairs to the main area. Dark gothic music sets the mood, and everyone is dressed in black and pale makeup. \"Never Land\", by The Sisters of Mercy, is playing.","Lyrics: I had a face on the mirror \/ I had a hand on the gun Diego meets him at the base of the stairs.","Diego: Ford? Hi, Ford?","Ford: Hey!","Diego: Well, how'd it go?","Ford: It went good.","Diego: Good? That's, that's it? That's all we know? Well, when are we...","Ford: (interrupts) Soon.","Diego: Oh, soon, okay. Y'know, you could gimme a little more information here. I'm trusting you. I'm out on a limb here. Not to mention the lease is almost up on this place. Who's gonna cover that?","Ford: Marvin...","Diego: Diego! C'mon, man, it's Diego now.","Ford: Diego. (takes out a pill) Ritalin. Everything's gonna be fine. He pops the pill as Chantarelle comes over and hands him a drink.","Ford: Just make sure you're ready when I say. True believers only.","Chantarelle: (smiles) I can't wait!","Diego: Right, whatever, I still think I should be in on the plan.","Ford: Diego, you gotta trust me. He sees a scene from a Jack Palance vampire movie playing on the TV.","TV: Alright.","Ford: A couple more days and we'll get to do the two things every American teen should have the chance to do: die young, and stay pretty. He looks spaced out as he mouths the words of Jack Palance in the movie.","Jack: So... You play your wits against mine. Me, who commanded armies hundreds of years before you were born. Fools! ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Willow's room. It's neat and clean and everything is in place just so, except for some clothes on her bed. She's in her nightshirt brushing her hair. There is a knocking on her balcony door, which catches her off guard. She drops her brush on the bed, goes to the door and pushes the blinds apart to see who it is.","Willow: Oh! (opens the door) Angel! What are you doing here?","Angel: I wanted to talk to you.","Willow: (looks around) Oh, well... She gestures for him to come in, but he just stays standing there.","Willow: Well?","Angel: I can't. Unless you invite me, I can't come in.","Willow: Oh! (nervous) Well, okay, I invite you. To come in. She turns around as he comes in, and a look of horror appears on her face when she sees her bra just lying there on her bed out in the open. She quickly rushes over, grabs it and stashes it.","Angel: I-if this is a bad time, I...","Willow: No! I just... I'm not supposed to have boys in my room.","Angel: I promise to behave myself.","Willow: (still nervous) Okay. Good.","Angel: I guess I need help.","Willow: Help? You mean like on homework? No, 'cause you're old and you already know stuff.","Angel: I want you to track someone down. On the 'Net. (eyes her laptop)","Willow: (smiles) Oh! Great! I'm so the 'Net girl. (goes to sit at her desk)","Angel: I just wanna find everything I can. Records, affiliates, I'm not even sure what I'm looking for yet.","Willow: (types) Good. What's the name?","Angel: Billy Fordham.","Willow: Uh, Angel? If I say something you really don't wanna hear, (faces him) do you promise not to bite me?","Angel: Are you gonna tell me that I'm jealous?","Willow: Well, you do sometimes get that way.","Angel: You know, I never used to. (sits on her bed) Things used to be pretty simple. (Willow types) A hundred years, just hanging out, feelin' guilty... I really honed my brooding skills. Then she comes along. (Willow faces him again) Yeah, I get jealous. But I know people. And my gut tells me this is a wrong guy.","Willow: (nods) Okay. (turns back to the laptop) But if there isn't anything weird... Hey, that's weird.","Angel: What?","Willow: I just checked the school records, and he's not in them. (Angel stands up) I mean, usually they transfer your grades and stuff, but he's not even registered.","Angel: He said he was in school with you guys, right?","Willow: Let me just see if I can...","Mrs. Rosenberg: (off camera) Willow? Are you still up?","Willow: (gets up) (to Angel) Ack! Go! (to her mom) Iiiiiii'm just going to bed now, mom! Angel goes back out onto the balcony. Willow holds the door.","Willow: Come by tomorrow at sunset. I'll keep looking.","Angel: Don't tell Buffy what we're doing, alright?","Willow: You want me to lie to her? It's Buffy!","Angel: Just don't bring it up until we know what's what.","Willow: Okay. I-it's probably nothing.","Angel: That'd be nice. She closes the door and frets a bit, nervous about what she has to do.","Cut to the school the next day. Cut inside to a hall near a drinking fountain. Buffy and Ford come into the hall from outside. Willow wants to get a drink.","Buffy: Willow! Willow doesn't even press the button on the fountain before immediately turning around, hoping to get away. She realizes she'd never be able to get away with it, and so turns to face them. She fidgets nervously with her hands.","Buffy: What's up?","Willow: Nothing.","Buffy: Do you wanna hang? We're cafeteria-bound.","Willow: (jumpy) I-I-I'm gonna do work in the computer lab on school work that I have, so I cannot hang just now. Hi, Ford.","Ford: Morning.","Buffy: Okay, Will, fess up.","Willow: What?","Buffy: Are you drinking coffee again? 'Cause we've talked about this. Willow is surprised and happy that an explanation for her nervousness has presented itself, and laughs out loud.","Willow: It makes me jumpy. I have to go. Away. (hurries off) Buffy is taken aback.","Ford: Nice girl!","Buffy: There aren't two of those in the world. Giles meets them in he hall.","Giles: Buffy! Um... Yes, uh... (sets down his briefcase and searches his pockets) Ms. Calendar and I are going... somewhere tonight, and she's given, (finds the slip of paper) oh, given me the number of her beeper thingy, uh, in case you need me for, um... (eyes Ford) study help, uh, suddenly. (picks up his briefcase)","Buffy: He knows, Giles.","Giles: What?","Buffy: Ford (indicates him) knows I'm the Slayer.","Ford: I know.","Giles: Oh! Uh, very good, yes. Uh, um, Buffy... (leads Buffy aside) (to Ford) Excuse me. (aside to Buffy) You are not, by any chance, betraying your secret identity just to impress, um, cute boys, are you?","Buffy: (smiles) I didn't tell him. He knew.","Giles: Oh! Uh, right then. Well, uh, just remember, if you...","Buffy: Go! Experience this thing called fun. I'll try not to have a crisis. Giles accepts that and heads back to his library. Cut outside the school at night. Buffy and Ford are strolling along.","Buffy: And on your right, once again, the beautiful campus. I think you've now seen everything there is to see in Sunnydale.","Ford: Well, it's... really...","Buffy: Feel free to say dull.","Ford: Okay. Dull's good. (sees two vampires running) Or maybe not so dull. (Buffy sees them, too) Is that more vampires?","Buffy: Must be the weather. She pulls out a stake and a cross, and hands the cross to Ford. He takes it and reaches into his back pocket to pull out a stake of his own. He smiles and waves it about.","Buffy: Stay close to me. She hops up the steps the vampires just ran up and cautiously looks around. Ford is close behind, cross and stake held ready. She looks around a corner and sees nothing.","Ford: Maybe they were just passing through.","Buffy: (turns around) I don't think so. A blonde female vampire grabs her from behind and tries to bite. Ford takes a startled step back. Buffy does a high kick into her face, then grabs her by the arm and flips her over onto her back. A male vampire rushes her and grabs her, pulling her over a railing with him. She lands in a crouch on the grass below and gets up while the vampire rolls to his feet. She kicks him in the jaw, making him fall backward. Ford looks down at his stake and cross and then glances at the fight a moment before quickly approaching the other vampire and holding the cross in her face and the stake up and ready. She hisses at him.","Ford: You've got one chance to live. Tell me what I wanna know, and I'll let you go. Below Buffy knocks the vampire out with a punch to the face and stakes him. She runs back up the stairs to Ford, who's crouched where the vampire was.","Buffy: Where's the other one?","Ford: I killed her. (coughs) I, I killed her and she just turned to dust. It was... amazing! Buffy raises her eyebrows in surprise.","Cut to Xander, Willow and Angel walking down the alley to the Sunset Club.","Willow: The only thing I could track down was this address. The Sunset Club. Still didn't find anything incriminating.","Angel: He leaves no paper trail, no records, that's incriminating enough.","Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one.","Angel: Could you *not* call me that? He knocks on the door. The viewport opens and the doorman looks out.","Angel: We're friends of Ford's. The doorman nods. Cut inside. They walk in through the inside door and look around. It's gloomy in the extreme.","Willow: (wearing a colorfully striped shirt) Boy, we blend right in.","Xander: In no way do we stick out like sore thumbs.","Angel: Let's look around. You guys check out downstairs.","Xander: Sure thing, Bossy the cow! (they start down)","Willow: Okay, but do they really stick out?","Xander: What?","Willow: Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone, 'Wow! That baby is sore!'","Xander: You have too many thoughts. Willow is a bit hurt by that. Angel looks down from the balcony and continues around. \"Reptile\", by Creaming Jesus, is playing.","Lyrics: The one hungry life \/ My life with the other Willow and Xander walk by a man standing in a coffin dressed as a movie vampire.","Man: (waves) Hi! Xander waves back and looks around more.","Xander: Are you probably noticing a theme here?","Willow: As in 'Vampires! Yay!'?","Xander: That's the one. Chantarelle gets up and comes up behind them.","Chantarelle: You guys are newbies. I can tell.","Willow: (turns to face her) Oh, no. We come here all the time.","Chantarelle: Don't be ashamed! It's cool that you're open to it. We welcome anyone who's interested in the Lonely Ones. Angel comes down the stairs behind them.","Willow: The Lonely Ones?","Angel: Vampires.","Xander: Oh! We usually call them the nasty, pointy, bitey ones.","Chantarelle: So many people have that misconception. But they who walk with the night are not interested in harming anyone. They are creatures above us. Exalted!","Angel: You're a fool. Xander gives him a look.","Chantarelle: You don't have to be so confrontational about it. Other viewpoints than yours may be valid, you know. (goes away)","Willow: Nice meeting you. They turn to Angel.","Xander: You really are a people person.","Willow: Now nobody's gonna talk to us.","Angel: I've seen enough. I've seen this type before. I mean, they're children making up bedtime stories of friendly vampires to comfort themselves in the dark.","Willow: Is that so bad? I mean, the dark can get pretty dark. Sometimes you need a story.","Angel: These people don't know anything about vampires. What they are, how they live, how they dress... A young man dressed exactly like Angel comes down the stairs behind him and looks him up and down before continuing on. Angel clears his throat. They start up the stairs to get out of the club.","Xander: You know, I love a good diatribe. But I'm still curious why Ford, the bestest friend of the Slayer, is hanging with a bunch of vampire wannabes.","Willow: Something's up with him, you're right about that. Diego overheard them and watches them go. The girl talking to him is confused about his reaction.","Girl: Are you okay?","Cut to the library. Buffy comes in followed by Jenny and Giles.","Buffy: Sorry to beep you guys in the middle of... stuff, but it seemed really weird.","Giles: No, you did the right thing. Absolutely.","Jenny: (stops in her tracks) You hated it that much?","Giles: No! But, but, uh, vampires on campus is, could have implications. Very, very grave...","Jenny: You coulda just said something.","Giles: Uh, honestly, I, I've always, I've always been interested in, in, uh, monster trucks.","Buffy: You took him to monster trucks?","Jenny: I thought it would be a change!","Giles: It was a change.","Jenny: Look, we could've just left.","Giles: Wha-what, and miss the nitro-burning funny cars? No, couldn't have that.","Buffy: Okay, can we get back on the vampire tip here? These guys were here with a purpose.","Giles: Yes, yes, and, uh, we must, uh, ascertain what that purpose is.","Jenny: Where's your friend?","Buffy: I sent him home.","Giles: (sits at the table) Oh, uh, good. Yes, the less he's involved in all this, the safer he'll be.","Buffy: He did bag a vamp his first time out. Giles takes an open book from on top of another and exposes an old picture of Drusilla.","Buffy: Gotta give him credit for... (notices the picture) that.","Jenny: Something wrong?","Buffy: (picks up the picture) Who's this?","Giles: Um, she's called Drusilla, a sometime paramour of Spike's. She was killed by an angry mob in Prague.","Buffy: Well, they don't make angry mobs like they used to, 'cause this girl's alive. I saw her with Angel.","Giles: (taken aback) With Angel?","Jenny: Isn't he supposed to be a good guy?","Buffy: (puts the picture back down) Yeah. He is.","Jenny: I think maybe we need to read up on this nice lady.","Giles: (gets up and heads for his office) Well, some of my new volumes may be more helpful. Uh, my own research is... The blonde vampire runs into him as she runs from his office. Jenny draws a startled breath. Buffy comes to Giles' aid, but is knocked to the floor underneath him when the vampire gives him a hard shove. She jumps up onto the table and leaps over the mezzanine railing, making her escape through the stacks. Jenny helps Giles and Buffy up.","Jenny: Are you guys okay?","Giles: A book! It took one of my books!","Jenny: Well, at least someone in this school is reading.","Buffy: He said he killed it. That's the vampire Ford said he killed.","Cut to Spike's warehouse. Drusilla is talking to her bird as the camera pans around the cage.","Drusilla: You sing the sweetest little song. Won't you sing for me, hmm? Don't you love me anymore? The bird is lying dead at the bottom of the cage. Spike comes into the room behind Drusilla.","Spike: Darling! I heard a funny thing just now. Lucius tells me that you went out on a hunt the other night.","Drusilla: My tummy was growly. And you were out. (to the bird) Come on. (whistles) I'll pout if you don't sing.","Spike: (puts his arms around her) You, um, meet anyone? Anyone interesting? Like Angel?","Drusilla: Angel.","Spike: Yeah. So... (kisses her forehead) What might you guys have talked about, then? Old times? Childhood pranks? It's a little off, you two so friendly, him being the enemy and all that.","Drusilla: (to the bird) I'll give you a seed if you sing.","Spike: The bird's dead, Dru. You left it in a cage, and you didn't feed it, and now it's all dead, just like the last one. Drusilla cowers and whines.","Spike: Oh, I'm sorry baby. I'm a bad, rude man. I just don't like you goin' out, that's all. You are weak. (takes her hand) Would you like a new bird? One that's not dead? (sucks on her finger)","Ford: This is so cool! Spike looks up to see him standing among some crates.","Ford: I would totally live here.","Spike: (loudly) Do I have anyone on watch here? It's called security, people. Are you all asleep? (walks toward Ford) Or did we finally find a restaurant that delivers?","Ford: I know who you are.","Spike: Yeah, I know who I am, too. So what?","Ford: I came looking for you, Spike. You are Spike, right? William the Bloody?","Spike: You've got a real death wish. It's almost interesting. The blonde vampire comes in, walks up to Spike and hands him the book she stole. Spike begins to leaf through it.","Spike: Oh, this is great. This'll be very useful. (to Ford) So, how did you find me?","Ford: That doesn't matter. I've got something to offer you. I-I'm pretty sure this is the part where you take out a watch and say I've got thirty seconds to convince you not to kill me? (smiles) It's traditional.","Spike: Well, (slams the book and strides to Ford) I don't go much for tradition. He grabs Ford by the ear and lifts him.","Drusilla: Wait, love. Ford is in obvious pain, but doesn't scream. Drusilla puts her hand on Spikes's shoulder, and he lets go.","Spike: Well?","Ford: Oh, c'mon! Say it! It's no fun if you don't say it.","Spike: What? Oh. (rolls his eyes and bobs his head) You've got thirty seconds to convince me not to kill you.","Ford: Yes! See, this is the best! I wanna be like you. A vampire.","Spike: I've known you for two minutes, and I can't stand you. I don't really feature you livin' forever. (to Drusilla) Can I eat him now, love? Drusilla shakes her head.","Ford: Well, feature this: I'm offering you a trade. (Spike turns back) You make me a vampire, and I give you the Slayer. Ford has their undivided attention. Spike smiles.","[SCENE_BREAK]","~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The kitchen at the Summers house. Buffy is nursing a cup of coffee. Angel slowly pushes the door open.","Angel: Buffy. May I come in?","Buffy: (looks up) Sure. I thought once you were invited you could always just walk in.","Angel: I can. I was just being polite. (closes the door) We need to talk.","Buffy: Do we? (picks up her coffee and heads into the dining room)","Angel: It's about your friend Ford. He's not what he seems.","Buffy: Who is these days?","Angel: Willow ran him down on the computer.","Buffy: Willow?","Angel: We found this address, we checked it out with Xander, and it turned out...","Buffy: (disbelieving) And Xander? Wow. Everybody's in. It's like a great big exciting conspiracy.","Angel: What are you talking about?","Buffy: I'm talking about the people I trust. Who's Drusilla? Angel lowers his eyes, seeing he's been caught in a lie.","Buffy: And don't lie to me. I'm tired of it.","Angel: Some lies are necessary.","Buffy: For what?","Angel: Sometimes the truth is worse. You live long enough, you find that out.","Buffy: I can take it. I can take the truth.","Angel: Do you love me?","Buffy: What?","Angel: Do you? She takes a moment to consider her answer.","Buffy: I love you. I don't know if I trust you.","Angel: Maybe you shouldn't do either. (turns away)","Buffy: Maybe I'm the one who should decide!","Angel: I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. (turns back, but doesn't make eye contact) Drusilla was the worst. She was... an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet and chaste...","Buffy: And you made her a vampire.","Angel: First I made her insane. (looks at her) Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental torture on her I could devise. (Buffy looks away) She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon.","Buffy: Well. I asked for the truth.","Angel: Ford's part of some society that reveres vampires. Practically worships them. I don't know what he wants from you, but you can't trust him.","Fade to black. Cut to school the next day. Buffy walks up some stairs to the quad. Ford meets her there. The camera circles them as they talk.","Ford: Buffy!","Buffy: Ford.","Ford: I had a great time last night. Well, an interesting time.","Buffy: (arms crossed) I'm glad.","Ford: Do you wanna go out again tonight?","Buffy: Not busy.","Ford: I sort of had an idea. It's a... It's a secret. Kinda wanna surprise you.","Buffy: I like surprises.","Ford: Can you meet me here?","Buffy: Sure.","Ford: At nine?","Buffy: At nine.","Ford: (smiles) It's gonna be fun! (walks off) Buffy just stands there for a moment before uncrossing her arms and continuing on her way.","Cut to later at the stairs in the hall. Xander and Willow are sitting on the steps. Buffy comes down behind them.","Willow: (gets up) Buffy! Buffy doesn't really want to face her, but does.","Willow: Did, uh, Angel...","Buffy: He told me everything.","Willow: I'm sorry we kept stuff from you.","Buffy: It's okay. (smiles weakly)","Willow: When Angel came to my room he was just really concerned for you, and we didn't wanna say anything in case we were wrong.","Xander: Did you find out what Ford is up to?","Buffy: I will. (walks off) Willow and Xander sadly watch her go. After a moment something clicks in Xander's head.","Xander: Angel was in your bedroom?","Willow: (nods) Ours is a forbidden love.","Cut to the Sunset Club. Chantarelle is sitting and drumming her fingers. Diego paces nervously. The camera pans up to Ford coming down the stairs.","Ford: (ignoring Diego) Chantarelle. Is everything ready?","Diego: Of course. It's ready. (trying to get Ford's attention) Hi, I took care of it. I always take care of it.","Chantarelle: Is it time? Tonight?","Ford: You nervous? (pours goblets of wine)","Chantarelle: Yes. No. I'm ready for the change. Do you really think they'll bless us?","Ford: (takes a goblet and hands her the other) I know they will. He smiles at Chantarelle. She smiles back.","Ford: Everything's falling into place. (takes a sip of wine)","Diego: What about your friends? Are they comin'?","Ford: What are you talking about?","Diego: Your friends. They came. Last night. Two guys and a girl.","Chantarelle: One was mean.","Ford: Oh, Christ! Why didn't you tell me about this?","Diego: I have to do everything around here. Sorry, Mr. Flawless Plan Guy, it slipped my mind.","Chantarelle: It's gonna be alright, isn't it? Ford winces in pain and puts his fingertips to his forehead.","Chantarelle: They're not gonna let us down?","Ford: (the pain passes) It's gonna be fine.","Chantarelle: I need them to bless me.","Ford: It's gonna be fine!","Buffy: No. They all look at her at the top of the stairs.","Buffy: It's really not.","Ford: (to Diego) It's kinda drafty in here.","Buffy: (starts down the stairs) I'm sorry, Ford. I just couldn't wait till tonight! I'm rash and impulsive. It's a flaw.","Ford: We all have flaws.","Buffy: I'm still a little fuzzy on exactly what yours is. I think it has to do with being a lying scumbag. (reaches him)","Ford: Everybody lies.","Buffy: What do you want, Ford? What's this all about?","Ford: I really don't think you'd understand.","Buffy: I don't need to understand. I just need to know.","Ford: I'm gonna be one of them.","Buffy: You wanna be a vampire?","Ford: I'm going to.","Buffy: You know, vampires are a little picky about who they change ov... (figures it out) You were gonna offer them a trade!","Ford: I don't think I wanna talk anymore. She grabs him by the throat and shoves him up against a pillar.","Buffy: Yeah, well, I still feel awfully chatty! You were gonna give them me! Tonight!","Ford: (nods) Yes.","Buffy: You had to know I'd figure it out.","Ford: Actually, I was counting on it. (smiles) She lets go of his throat and backs away. He coughs a bit and then laughs.","Buffy: What's supposed to happen tonight?","Ford: This is *so* cool! It's just like it played in my head. You know that part where you ask me what's supposed to happen? (snickers) It's already happening. Diego swings the inner door shut with a loud clang. She runs back up the stairs and pounds on the door.","Ford: Rigged up special. Once it's closed, it can only be opened from the outside. As soon as the sun sets, they'll be comin'.","Buffy: Ford, if these people are still around when they get here...","Diego: (interrupts) We'll be changed. All of us.","Chantarelle: We're going to ascend to a new level of consciousness! Become like them. Like the Lonely Ones.","Ford: This is the end, Buffy. No one gets outta here alive. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Sunset Club. Buffy hurries back down the stairs.","Buffy: There's gotta be another way out of here! (looks around)","Ford: This is a bomb shelter, Buffy. I knew I wasn't gonna be able to overpower you. But this is three feet of solid concrete. Trust me when I say we're in for the long haul.","Buffy: At least let the other people go.","Chantarelle: Why are you fighting this? It's what we want!","Diego: It's our chance for immortality.","Chantarelle: This is a beautiful day. Can't you see that?","Buffy: What I see is that, right after the sun goes down, Spike and all of his friends are going to be pigging out at the all-you-can-eat moron bar.","Diego: Okay, that's it. I think we should gag her.","Buffy: I think you should try.","Diego: She's an unbeliever. She taints us.","Buffy: I am trying to save you! You are playing in some serious traffic here! Do you understand that? You're going to die! And the only hope you have of surviving this is to get out of this pit right now, and, my God, could you have a dorkier outfit? Diego is offended. Chantarelle smiles.","Ford: I gotta back her up, D. You look like a big ninny. (his alarm goes off) 6:27. Sunset. They all walk away from her. She looks around for what to do next.","Cut to Spike's warehouse. He comes marching out with his troops.","Spike: When we get there, everybody spread out. Two men on the door, first priority's the Slayer, everything else is fair game, and let's remember to share, people. (meets Drusilla ) Are you sure you're up for this?","Drusilla: I want a treat. I need a treat.","Spike: And a special one you'll have. Lucius! (hold up his keys) Bring the car around.","Cut to the Sunset Club. Buffy runs back up the stairs to the door. Ford follows her.","Ford: Hey, you never give up, do you?","Buffy: No, I don't.","Ford: That's a good quality in a person. Too many people, they just lay back and take it, but us...","Buffy: Us? We have something in common now?","Ford: More than you think.","Buffy: Yeah, well, let me explain something to you. You're what we call the bad guy.","Ford: I guess I am! (chuckles)","Buffy: (looks down at the people) These people aren't gonna get changed, are they? The rest of them, they're just fodder.","Ford: Technically, yes. But I'm in. I will become immortal.","Buffy: Well, I've got a news flash for you, braintrust: that's not how it works. You die, and a demon sets up shop in your old house, and it walks, and it talks, and it remembers your life, but it's not you.","Ford: It's better than nothing.","Buffy: And your life is nothing? Ford snickers.","Buffy: Ford, these people don't deserve to die!","Ford: Well, neither do I! But apparently no one took that into consideration, 'cause I'm still dying. Buffy begins to realize what he's up to now.","Ford: I look good, don't I? Well, let me tell you something: (angry) I've got maybe six months left, and by then what they bury won't even *look* like me. It'll be bald and shriveled and it'll smell bad. No, I'm not going out that way. Buffy turns away.","Ford: I'm sorry, Summers. Did I screw up your righteous anger riff? Does the nest of tumors liquefying my brain kinda spoil the fun?","Buffy: (faces him) I'm sorry. I had no idea. But what you're doing is still very wrong.","Ford: Okay, well, you try vomiting for twenty-four hours straight because the pain in your head is so intense, and *then* we'll discuss the concept of right and wrong. (points down) These people are sheep. They wanna be vampires 'cause they're lonely, miserable or bored. I don't have a choice.","Buffy: You have a choice. You don't have a good choice, but you have a choice! You're opting for mass murder here, and nothing you say is gonna make that okay!","Ford: You think I need to justify myself to you?","Buffy: I think this is all part of your little fantasy drama! Isn't this exactly how you imagined it? You tell me how you've suffered and I feel sorry for you. Well, I do feel sorry for you, and if those vampires come in here and start feeding, I'll kill you myself!","Ford: You know what, Summers? I really did miss you. Buffy can only look at him. Outside a car comes screeching to a halt.","Buffy: Ford, help me stop this. (silence) Please! Ford remains silent. Buffy runs around to the stairs again.","Buffy: People, listen to me! (Ford comes after her) This is not the mothership, people! This is ugly death come to play! Ford backhand punches her across the face, and she goes tumbling to the bottom of the steps. He comes down after her and punches her in the back as she tries to get up, sending her to the floor again. They hear the outside door open and look up. Chantarelle starts up the stairs to meet them. Ford checks to see that Buffy is still out cold on the floor. Chantarelle reaches the top of the steps as the inner door opens. Spike walks up to her in his game face and smiles. He roars at her and she flinches a bit but doesn't back down. He tears the choker off of her neck. She starts to cry in fear.","Spike: Take them all. Save the Slayer for me. The vampires run and jump down the stairs to the people below and begin feeding. Spike grabs Chantarelle by the neck and bites her violently. Buffy wakes and gets up, and Ford tries to hit her with a crowbar. She grabs his arm in mid-swing and pulls him around, making him hit his head on a concrete pillar. He falls unconscious to the floor. She looks at the mayhem going on around her and spots Drusilla standing by herself on the balcony. She takes a running leap off of a couch up to the balcony railing, quickly climbs over, grabs Drusilla from behind and holds a stake to her chest.","Buffy: Spike! Spike stops feeding on Chantarelle and looks over at them. Drusilla stares at the stake poised in front of her.","Spike: Everybody STOP! They all stop feeding.","Buffy: Good idea. Now you let everyone out, or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray.","Drusilla: (frightened) Spike?","Spike: It's gonna be alright, baby. Let them go! They all let go of their victims, and the people hurry up the stairs and out.","Buffy: Down the stairs. Spike slowly backs down the stairs. Buffy forces Drusilla ahead of her, still holding the stake ready. When Buffy reaches the top of the stairs she stares at Spike for a moment. She looks at Drusilla and shoves her down the stairs at Spike. He catches and steadies her as Buffy turns and rushes out the door. He starts to give chase as Buffy swings the door shut behind her. Spike slams up against it. He looks for the way to open it.","Spike: Uh, where's the doorknob?","Cut to the alley. Buffy walks out of the building and sees the people help and support each other. Angel walks up to her and Willow and Xander are close behind.","Buffy: You guys are just in time.","Willow: Are there vampires?","Buffy: They're contained. They'll get out eventually, though. We should probably go. We can come back when they're gone.","Xander: Come back for what?","Buffy: (looks back at the entrance) For the body. Cut inside the club. The vampires are banging on the doors. Ford wakes and gets up, holding his head. Spike is comforting Drusilla.","Ford: What happened?","Spike: We're stuck in a basement.","Ford: Buffy?"],"Show Title":"Buffy the Vampire Slayer","Episode Number":"02x07","Episode Title":"Lie To Me","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_04x02.json","Recap":["Buffy becomes convinced that her annoying roommate is evil, but her friends think she is crazy. Buffy steals Kathy's toenail clippings to prove that Kathy is a demon and they get into a fight."],"Transcript":["This transcript should be considered as copylefted... that is, you can do anything with this transcript you want as long as it doesn't interfere with others right's to do anything with it that they might want, also. You can modify it, but if you want to use any part of this transcript, your modifications should be copylefted also. Explicit license is hereby given for anyone to archive this transcript whenever and wherever they may wish.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Buffy and Kathy are in their dorm room. Kathy has an ironing board out and is ironing jeans, Buffy is reading a CD jewel case. Cher's 'Believe' is playing on Kathy's portable stereo.","Buffy: Wow, this music is so... so...","Kathy: I know. This song is super fun. Isn't it?","Buffy: You bet. It just gets fun-er and fun-er every time you playit. Buffy gets a jacket from her closet.","Kathy: Going out?","Buffy: Yeah. I'm seriously caffeine deprived. Figure I'd head down to The Grotto and get a jolt and, you know, do some studying.","Kathy: Oh. It's late... won't you be up all night?","Buffy: (Picking up her backpack.) Oh, yeah, but it's cool. I'm sort of an 'up' kind of night person. I mentioned that right?","Kathy: I guess I just didn't realize you'd be coming and going at all hours. Well, not that I mind. I'm just surprised.","Buffy: I'll be quiet as a mouse, I promise. Ok. (She starts toward the door.)","Kathy: Oh! Say, Buffy. I wanted to show you this little system I implemented. (She goes over to the nightstand separating the beds and gets a small notepad and a pen, bringing them back.)","Buffy: Oh, goody... system.","Kathy: Just log every call you make in here and that way when the bill comes it won't be a problem. I figure, 'Stitch in time...'","Buffy: '...catches the worm.' Kathy cheerfully makes a 'You got it' gesture.","Buffy: You bet. Ok, then. (Turns and starts to go.)","Kathy: Also... (Buffy stops and turns back.) I noticed that some of my milk was missing. Did you...","Buffy: Oh! Yeah, actually, I did. I meant to...","Kathy: No! It's totally ok, I was just wondering.","Buffy: Yeah, I-I-I was making my coffee and I just...","Kathy: Buffy, it's fine. I just wanted to make sure... The song ends and Kathy goes over to the stereo to restart it. She comes back.","Kathy: ...that we didn't have a thief or something.","Buffy: Like who? Sid the Wiley Dairy Gnome?","Kathy: I don't know, it's no big deal. Please, feel free.","Buffy: Ok, I'm really sorry. I have to... (She starts to go, again.)","Kathy: Have a good time.","Buffy: Yeah, you too. With ironing. (She leaves.) Buffy and Willow are walking along a wooded path at night, there are trees and bushes all over.","Willow: So you had trouble getting past Kathy?","Buffy: Yep. She made big with the questions.","Willow: And you thought your days of sneaking out of your room were over.","Buffy: No such luck. Kathy's nice and all, but she's... she's sort of... I don't know, like, 'mini-mom of Momdonia.' (Willow chuckles) Wait. (Buffy stops, looking around.) Did you just hear something?","Willow: I'm chewing my gum kinda loud.","Buffy: That's not it.","Willow: My sneakers are squeaky.","Buffy: I'm looking for something lurky here, Will.","Willow: Oh. (Pauses to listen) Sorry, no. They start walking again.","Buffy: Darn, I could use a little play tonight. Listening to the best of VH-1 all day sort of put me on edge.","Willow: Oh, Kathy's still spinnin' the divas?","Buffy: (In a perky-Kathy voice.) \"'Cause it's the fun-est!\" Well, no big. College is a time of change, right? I bet, before too long, she'll be trip-hoppin' all over the place.","Willow: Yeah! I mean, this whole dorm thing is just an adjustment we need to make. You know? I mean, my roomie is kind of challengingtoo.","Buffy: And what are we if not women up to a challenge?","Willow: Exactly! I mean, did we not put the 'grr' in girl? Well, here's where I get off. (They stop at a branching path.)","Buffy: Say 'hey' to Oz for me.","Willow: Happy hunting.","Buffy: Wish me monsters. Willow makes a 'ick' gesture and walks away. Buffy walks on, not noticing a hooded, orange skinned demon with green glowing eyes watching her from the bushes.","[Opening credits]","Buffy, walking along a path hears a noise.","Buffy: Will? (Pause.) Alright, why don't you quit hiding and come out and face me like a... thing. Kathy comes running up with a bounce in her step.","Kathy: Hey, I caught you.","Buffy: Is everything ok?","Kathy: Oh, everything's super. I just decided a decaf latte sounded like heaven after all.","Buffy: So you're coming along.","Kathy: Why not? This way you won't have to walk these spooky paths alone. (She goes on ahead with a skip.)","Buffy: Great! (In a low voice) That's just great. (And she follows.)","Kathy: This is neat, isn't it? The fresh air, the trees, the smell of... (Buffy hears the growl of something rushing them and pushes Kathy into the bushes where she lands in the dirt.) The same demon we saw before runs up and swings a club, Buffy grabs it's arm, breaks it's hold on the club and throws it off balance onto the ground. It gets up and takes two swings, but Buffy blocks them and gives it three quick rights to the face. Kathy, in the bushes, gets to her knees looking dazed. The demon tries a roundhouse punch which Buffy ducks under. She sweeps the demon's legs out from under him and he rolls over his club, grabbing it. Rolling to his feet he runs off. Kathy climbs out of the bushes and Buffy goes to help her.","Kathy: What the blizzard was that all about?","Buffy: Uh, he um... tried to take my backpack.","Kathy: What were you thinking, taking him on like that?","Buffy: Oh I, heh, I don't know, I guess I-I panicked.","Kathy: I mean, it's just you could of gotten hurt or something. (She looks down.) And look at my sweater, it's ruined!","Buffy: Yeah, sorry about that. Here, w-we'll go get you cleaned up. They walk back the way they came. In the bushes, a demon watches them go. Another demon comes up beside him. They speak in subtitles, a strangely visual demon language.","Demon1: She may be the one.","Demon2: We have to be sure. Follow her.","Demon1: As you wish. Daytime in the courtyard outside Giles' apartment. There's a fountain, a table and chairs. Buffy is going through his mail.","Buffy: Boring... boring... bill... bill... Giles comes running down the stairs wearing exercise clothes complete with sneakers. He's panting.","Giles: Hello. (Pant)","Buffy: You run?","Giles: And jump. And bend. (Pant) And, occasionally, frolic.(Pant)","Buffy: Ok, and, uh, (She holds up a magazine.) what's with the motorbike and scooter magazine?","Giles: Congratulations, you've found me out. I'm a mod jogger.","Buffy: Ok, you're not having one of those mid-life things, are you? 'Cause I'm still going 'ick' from the last time you tried to recapture your youth.","Giles: Buffy!","Buffy: Sorry. (She sits down at a table.) Demon. Last night. Made with the pummeling, but he got away.","Giles: What sort of demon? (Giles crosses to the fountain and sits on it's outer ledge.)","Buffy: Umm, had a cloak on, and glowing green eyes, and skin had a, like, super-bad fake rub-on tan.","Giles: Translate?","Buffy: Orange-y?","Giles: Thank you. Anything else?","Buffy: My roommate Kathy was there, but she didn't see anything.","Giles: You took your roommate patrolling with you?","Buffy: Well I invited the whole dorm, but she was the only one that could make it. (The look on Giles' face tells Buffy that he didn't get the sarcasm.) I told her I was going for coffee and she decided to tag along.","Giles: Right. Well we should discourage her from that habit. From what you described I-I'm not familiar with the creature, but I-I'll look into it and give you a ring when I've found something. (He gets up and starts moving toward his apartment.)","Buffy: You know, it's nice out here.","Giles: (Turning back.) Yes, I take my tea out here sometimes. (He starts to go again.)","Buffy: What are you doing today?","Giles: (He turns back again.) Uh, it's a good day for me, actually. A friend of mine recently acquired a-uh an original Gutenberg demonography... and it suddenly occurred to me that you've never once asked me what my day's plans were, which leads me to inquire whether you're feeling entirely yourself.","Buffy: That's not true. I ask about you all the time. (He gives her a look.) Ok, well, maybe the words don't actually make it out of my mouth, but I think about it.","Giles: And it's appreciated. Which doesn't explain why you're hanging around here instead of rushing off as usual.","Buffy: It's no big. I just figured I'd hang here--you know-until my roommate goes to class.","Giles: Ah, I see. (He sits back down on the fountain.)","Buffy: I know, it's probably just me having a bitch attack. But it's not... me.","Giles: Buffy, living with somebody is never easy. Especially for an only child...","Buffy: Giles, listen to me, ok? When she sharpens her pencils she measures them with a ruler to make sure they're all the same size.","Giles: Which is fussy, I agree, but everybody has their idiosyncrasies. You'd do well to learn to tolerate them.","Buffy: Or I'll end up an old lady who can only live with cats?","Giles: Something like that. Buffy: Ok. You know what? You're right. (She stands up.) Take a mental pic, this is the new Buffy. Kinder, gentler... roommate extraordinaire. In the dorm room, Kathy is trying, without much luck, to get the stain out of her sweater. She looks down and sees that one corner of a throw rug is turned up and leans down to straighten it. She gives up on the sweater and looks over at Buffy's closet door. She gets up, walks over, unlatches the bolt holding it closed and opens the door. She picks out a sweater and while looking at it notices a satchel with part of a crossbow sticking out. She opens the satchel and takes out a really cool looking pistol grip crossbow and a wooden cross. She pauses for a moment, holding them, then puts them back. At the university dining hall called the Rocket Cafe, Buffy gets a tray and starts back to the end of the line. She notices Kathy and quickly brings the tray up to hide her face. She ducks into the line in front of a male student. The young man takes a quick peek behind him and turns back to Buffy.","Parker: Ex-boyfriend? Or loan shark?","Buffy: (Turns around to face him.) Excuse me?","Parker: The person you're hiding from.","Buffy: Oh... both. Ugly breakup. I'm sorry, I just cut you...","Parker: No, stay... stay. I'll watch your back. (They get to the self-serve area and start getting their food.) Freshman, huh?","Buffy: Is it that obvious?","Parker: There are signs. (He gets a single-serving box of cereal and stuffs it into the breast pocket of his shirt.) For instance, people who've been around for awhile know how to use their dining hall card.","Buffy: It's not for food?","Parker: Work it right and you can get three meals worth, which equals fewer punch cards used annually.","Buffy: And more cash from dad which you get to keep for yourself.","Parker: Right! The goal is to polish off as much as humanly possible at one sitting. Enough to get you through the rest of the day, if necessary. While chipmunking items for future consumption.","Buffy: Ahh, got it.","Parker: Excess dry goods fit nicely in a backpack or your pocket. (He takes something and puts it into his pants pocket.) The wetter items--macaronies, your turkey loaf--then you're into ziplocks. It's not for beginners.","Buffy: I'll just take it slow. They reach the cashier and hand over their cards for punching. Buffy looks over and sees Willow, Xander and Oz seated at a table, Willow sees her and waves for her to come over.","Parker: So.","Buffy: So, those are my... (He sees the gang at the table.) are you...","Parker: Oh, no, I have someone waiting. Otherwise I'd... heh, uh, Parker Abrams. (He offers his hand which Buffy shakes.) I'm at Kresge hall.","Buffy: Buffy Summers, Stevenson.","Parker: Ok, well, I'll see you around Buffy Summers of Stevenson.","Buffy: See ya, Parker Abrams. Buffy goes over to the gang's table and sits.","Xander: Hey, say hi to non-college guy.","Buffy: Not that I mind, but don't non-college guys usually populate the non-campus?","Xander: Usually. I just thought I'd come around and check on my girls. (He taps Oz to include him without insult.)","Willow: And eat off my plate.","Buffy: What's the deal Xand, parents not feeding you?","Xander: Sure they do, for a price.","Willow: So, spill! (She indicates Parker, seated across the room.) What was that all about, with the cutie patootie?","Buffy: I don't know... nothing big, I think. Just random adorableness.","Xander: Oh, a technique I know well. Hit the girl with your best shot, then hasta.","Oz: Gotta respect the drive-by.","Xander: Low rejection, fond memories.","Willow: It looked like more than that to me. He got all googly-eyed.","Xander: That's because he got hit by the Buffinator. Now he's powerless.","Buffy: You think?","Oz: No question, he'll be back. (Buffy smiles.)","Xander: So, what else is up with the Buff, any vamp action?","Buffy: I did get jumped by a demon of non-specific origin last night.","Xander: Yeah? Something apocalypse-y? Do we need to assemble the scooby gang?","Buffy: (Holding back a laugh.) No, but thank you for asking.","Xander: I just got way too excited, didn't I?","Buffy: You just need to get out of the basement a little more there, Xand. Kathy comes up and sets her tray on the table.","Kathy: Hi, everybody. (She gets a chair from another table and moves it over.) Squeeze in.","Buffy: You all know my roomie, Kathy?","Willow: Hi.","Oz: Hey, Kath.","Buffy: Is that my sweater?","Kathy: I didn't think you'd mind, I mean you got mine all muddy.","Buffy: I was saving you from a...","Willow: Bear!","Buffy: (Giving Willow a look.) Mugger.","Kathy: It's not a problem, is it? I mean, I figured we're almost like sisters now, living together and everything.","Buffy: No, it's... it's fine. I just wished you'd asked.","Xander: So, where're you from, Kathy?","Kathy: Nebraska, originally. (She picks up a big, sloppy hamburger from her tray.)","Xander: Ahh, yes. Big sky country. Kathy bites into her sandwich. Buffy's senses intensify, focusing in on a blob of ketchup oozing out of the hamburger. She watches it as it drops onto her sweater. Buffy's eyes narrow. That night in the dorm, Buffy is talking to Willow on the phone. The window at the head of her bed is open.","Buffy: I mean, can you believe her? First she acts like she has sit privileges at my lunch table just because some computer had to make us cellmates. (She puts a stick of gum in her mouth.)","Willow: I'm sure it's not easy for her. She's not like you, she doesn't know anybody here.","Buffy: Fine. But what about my sweater. You can't believe the stuff that I have to put up with. Willow's dorm room. There's a loud party going on. Willows on her bed with the phone.","Willow: Yeah, I guess it's hard... uh... but I'm sure the sweater thing was an accident. (A nerf football hits her in the head.)","Buffy: I don't know Will... I think she's just coming back from the bathroom. I'll call you back.","Kathy: (Coming into the room.) Don't forget to log those calls. (She sits on her bed and starts flossing her teeth.) Buffy takes an apple out of her backpack and takes it over to the mini-refrigerator. While she's up, Kathy gets up and closes the window. Buffy opens the fridge and sees that Kathy has almost completely filled it, labeling everything with her name. Even writing 'Kathy' on each of a dozen boiled eggs. Buffy squeezes the apple into the last remaining space on the door, closes it and turns around to see the window is now closed. She goes over and opens it again and sits back down on her bed. Kathy finishes flossing and picks up a paperback book from the nightstand. There is gum stuck to it and it stretches up from the table.","Kathy: Ewww! Who left their gum here?","Buffy: (Pause.) Gum gnome?","Kathy: It wasn't me! It had to be somebody, Buffy!","Buffy: (Swallows the gum she had been chewing.) I don't know. Kathy slams the book down and turns off the light near her bed. Buffy turns off her own light, lays down pulling the covers over her and falls asleep. She dreams of a demon very much like the one she fought, holding her down, poring blood in her mouth, putting a scorpion on her bare skin and drawing a light, gossamer substance out of Buffy's mouth and into it's own. She awakes with a start. Kathy is looking at her from her own bed.","Kathy: Do you always make that noise when you sleep?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Daytime and Buffy, Giles, Willow and Oz are seated in comfortable, padded chairs in an open area lounge.","Buffy: So then after the scorpion, the demon opened my mouth and sucked some kind of weird light out of me. A-and the worst part? I wake up and there's Kathy, staring at me like I'm some kind of freak.","Oz: Well, actually, the worst part, I'd have to go with the demon poring the blood down your throat.","Willow: Me too, I would vote for that too.","Buffy: But that's just a dream, and this Kathy thing is real. All she cared about was that her precious sleep had been disturbed. Kathy comes up behind Giles.","Giles: Perhaps it would be more productive to examine your dreams, um, determine there meaning.","Kathy: You can read dreams? Neat.","Buffy: Giles, Kathy. Kathy, Giles.","Willow: He's our grown-up friend. N-not in a creepy way.","Giles: Nice to meet you, Kathy.","Kathy: Ditto. Maybe you could read the dream I had last night? There was, like, this monster, and he sat on me and did all this stuff to me.","Oz: Stuff like, scorpions? And Bloody Mary minus the Mary?","Kathy: That's it! How'd you know?","Oz: Well, I'm a good guesser.","Buffy: Me too, and I'm guessing that you need to be on your way to class. Right, Kath?","Kathy: Hmm hmm, sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.","Buffy: Hmm hmm, and guess what? You were next to it.","Kathy: You know, I do need to dash. My whole schedule is off because someone kept me up all night. Well, it's been fun. Toodles. (She turns and leaves.)","Buffy: Toodles.","Giles: (Clears his throat.) You know what this means...","Buffy: Yes. Not only does she take my sweater, but now she has to horn in on my dreams. She is the most ever mooch... Oh, I haven't even gotten to the floss.","Giles: Buffy, focus, please? If Kathy and you are having the same nightmares, chances are something happened to you both when you met the demon in the woods.","Willow: So we need to figure out if this ritual their dreaming about has some special use, or meaning.","Buffy: (Getting up and gathering her things.) Cool, you guys can do the brain thing. I'm gonna go to class.","Oz: Which could also be construed as the brain thing.","Buffy: Not when you're minoring in 'Napping 101.' (She leaves.)","Willow: Ok, so that was the evil twin, right? 'Cause she was bordering on Cordelia-esque.","Oz: Well, she's definitely pushing the stress meter on this Kathy thing.","Giles: I concur she's not, uh, herself, but, you know, uh, learning to live with someone can be a challenge.","Willow: A-and she hasn't been sleeping.","Giles: Right, then. (He stands.) Nothing to get to concerned about. Still, let me know if she, um...","Oz: Hits the red zone?","Giles: Yes. Nighttime, in a secluded wooded area Demon2 has a campfire burning. Demon1 walks up. They still speak in subtitles.","Demon1: We were correct. She is the one.","Demon2: Good. I have prepared for the summoning of the great one, Taparrich. They remove their hoods revealing bald heads, face the fire and begin chanting. Buffy, returning to the dorm room, stops at the door for a second when she hears Cher's 'Believe' playing again. She goes in and sees Parker half lying on Kathy's bed with Kathy sitting with him, they're talking.","Parker: Lots of popular artists don't get their dues. Madonna? Whitney?","Kathy: That's so totally true.","Buffy: Parker?","Parker: (Getting up and going over to her.) Hey, uh, I just dropped by to say... that. Uh, and bring you... (He hands her a box of plastic baggies.) You know, to maximize your dining hall exports. They're heavy duty.","Buffy: (Reading the box.) Plus freezer guard! That's so... Kathy gets up and stands close to Parker, looking at him while she talks to Buffy.","Kathy: Parker was just going to leave his number and go, but (laughs) we started talking. He's such a blast, and time just flew.","Buffy: Time, really? How much time?","Parker: Uh, I'm not sure, we sort of got caught up talking Red Wings. It turns out that Kathy's a closet hockey fan. I think it's the violence.","Kathy: (Laughs) Quit it! I told you that was just between us.","Parker: It could be the sweaty men. (Kathy laughs and pushes him.)","Buffy: If you two are going to rassle, do you mind taking it outside? I've got a lot of work to do. (She puts her things down on her bed and turns off the music.)","Parker: Sorry, I didn't realize. (He starts to leave.)","Buffy: Oh, Parker wait. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...","Parker: No, it's totally cool. I should go anyway.","Buffy: Well, it was great of you to stop by, m-maybe we could do it another time?","Parker: Another time for sure. Bye, Kathy. (He gives her a wave.)","Kathy: (Waving back.) Bye, seeya. Buffy sees him out, closes the door and turns to face Kathy.","Kathy: It wouldn't have killed you to be nice, you know.","Buffy: (Crossing over to her bed, she retrieves something from her bag.) Looked like you were being nice enough for the both of us.","Kathy: (Closing the window.) I wasn't moving in on your territory, if that's what you mean.","Buffy: (Locking the bolt on her closet with a padlock.) Right. Just like you didn't destroy my sweater. Kathy is flossing again. Buffy opens the window.","Kathy: I'm cold.","Buffy: Well I'm hot. Deal with it.","Kathy: Do you know what your problem is, Buffy.","Buffy: You?","Kathy: Hardly. Your problem is you're spoiled. Maybe the world revolved around you where you used to live, but it's share time now.","Buffy: Share time, huh? Fine! I'll show you share time. She goes to the fridge and gets out the carton of milk, and drinks it straight from the carton, spilling it all over herself and the floor. Willows dorm building, She and Oz walk along a hall.","Oz: You're worried about her.","Willow: Yeah, both of them. I mean, what kind of demon runs around putting ookie blood dreams into people's heads. Like some kind of nightmare fairy. It's not right.","Oz: Well, I'm against it.","Willow: And Buffy's completely being not herself. If it wasn't for this English paper I'd be there right now. Um, listening. Doing the girly best friend thing. They stop at the door to her room.","Oz: Well, I can do that.","Willow: You can?","Oz: Well, I'm not saying we'll braid each others hair--probably-but I can hang with her, watch for signs she's going over the edge.","Willow: You're the best. Oh, she's probably patrolling by now. Check around the science center. If you need me I'll be (She opens the door, hears the sounds of a loud party and closes it again.) at the library. (She goes back the way they came.) Oz walks along a well lighted walkway. He passes a group of three people, two men and a young woman. He senses something, he looks back and sees that the woman is looking back at him. They look at each other for a few seconds before they both turn back. In the bushes, we see three figures in camouflage carrying weapons. They appear to be following the group that Oz just passed. Oz is walking with Buffy along a path.","Buffy: ...so then Kathy's like, 'It's share time.' And I'm like, 'Oh yeah? Share this!' (She punches at the air.)","Oz: So, either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her.","Buffy: Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think?","Oz: Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy.","Buffy: Hmm, Kathy does. She deserves to be locked in an invisible box and blown away by an imaginary wind and... and...","Oz: Forced to wear a binding unitard?","Buffy: Yeah, the itchy kind, it's perfect.","Oz: Just here to help.","Buffy: Which I appreciate. But you've never come on routine patrol with me before, Oz. So, what's the deal?","Oz: Seemed more interesting than homework.","Buffy: As long as it's an elective. I can handle myself alone, you know.","Oz: Not in question.","Buffy: Good. So then, I go into the refrigerator--right?--and the label queen has managed to put...","Oz: Just a, just a thought, Buffy, but do you think all this ranting is scaring away potential demons? (They stop.)","Buffy: You're right. Ooh! She's even affecting my work, now. She's the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer. (She brings her foot up, around and down onto a bench, breaking it in two.) She's... other really bad things.","Oz: On the plus side you've killed the bench, which was looking shifty.","Buffy: This isn't funny, Oz. Something has to be done. (She walks away looking determined.)","Oz: (Pause) Agreed. (And he follows her.) Back in her dorm room, Buffy is at her desk, studying. She looks over at Kathy, who is on her bed clipping her toenails. Her senses intensify and she hears every nail being clipped as a loud 'clank' and focuses on every clipping, in slow motion, flying through the air and onto the floor. She starts tapping her pencil on her open book. Kathy looks over and her senses intensify. She hears every tap as a loud 'boom.' She gets up, goes over to her stereo and starts playing Cher's 'Believe' again. Buffy taps harder until she breaks the pencil. She puts on earmuffs and it cuts the volume of the music down... a little. Kathy goes to the fridge and gets out a boiled egg. She takes it to her desk and starts rolling it on the desktop to break the shell. Buffy's senses intensify and she focuses in on the shell, with 'Kathy' written on it, cracking. She watches Kathy peel the broken shell from the egg. She takes off the earmuffs and throws them onto the desk.","Buffy: I'm going to bed. (She gets in her bed, turns out the light and closes her eyes.) Buffy dreams of the demon again. This time it's painting symbols on her belly before drawing the light, gossamer substance out of her mouth and into it's own. There's a shot of the scorpion on her bare skin again, and she awakens to daylight with a start. Over in her own bed, Kathy moans and opens her eyes suddenly.","Kathy: Oh, jeez. Later that day, Kathy is talking to Willow in a hallway.","Kathy: I do what I can, but Buffy's difficult. She's secretive, for one thing, she comes in at all hours of the night, she leaves her gum all over the place.","Willow: I-it sounds like things are rough, but don't you want to be talking to Buffy about this? Buffy enters the hallway at one end and sees Kathy and Willow. She stops.","Kathy: I would, but she is so touchy about all kinds of weird stuff. I mean sometimes I get the feeling that she is not quite normal. You know? (Buffy stare intently at them.)","Willow: Well, normal is relative. Right? They both look over and see Buffy.","Kathy: Later, ok? (She leaves.) Buffy comes up beside Willow and turns suddenly.","Buffy: (Accusingly.) Why were you talking to her?","Willow: Buffy, come on, we were only just saying hi.","Kathy: Yeah, that's what she wants you to think.","Willow: Buffy, this has to stop. I mean I-I get it, I have a sucky roomie, too. But you just have to deal.","Buffy: You're right, I've been thinking a lot about this and it's clear to me now.","Willow: Good, that's better.","Buffy: Kathy's evil. I'm an evil fighter. It's simple... I'm gonna have to kill her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Willow: You have to kill her? Don't you think you could just switch rooms, or something?","Buffy: Well I would, but it's not just me in danger from Kathy. Look. (She opens the bottom pocket of her bag and takes out a plastic baggie containing toenail clippings.)","Willow: Toenails?","Buffy: Evil toenails. I took them off the floor last night when she was in the bathroom. She thought I was asleep.","Willow: Good thinking, 'cause in the middle of the night those toenails could have attacked you and left little half-moon marks all over your body.","Buffy: Don't be ridiculous. The point is I measured them before I fell asleep and again this morning, and they grew. After they were cut! That's a demon thing, she has to be eliminated.","Willow: Of course. I-it makes sense, now. But you better show those bad puppies to Giles before you do anything just to be sure.","Buffy: Absolutely. I don't want to do anything crazy.","Willow: Uh, you hurry on to Giles. I'll hang here and-and keep an eye on Kathy.","Buffy: Great. Good. Thanks, Will. (She leaves.)","Willow goes to a nearby payphone and punches in a number.","Willow: Giles, I-I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. No, n-not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come to you. Kay? Buffy opens the door to Giles' apartment. No one is there. She walks into the room calling.","Buffy: Giles? Anybody home? Hello? A net falls onto her from above. Xander and Oz come running out of the hallway, Giles from another direction. They jump on her, forcing her arms behind her back where Xander loops a ready made slip knot over her wrists.","Buffy: What are you guys doing? This is... this is ridiculous.","Xander: Buffy, this hurts me more than it hurts you.","Buffy: Not yet, but it will.","Xander: Don't say that. (He stops, realizing what she'd just said.) Oh, PLEASE don't say that.","Giles: We're doing this to stop you from making a terrible mistake. They remove the net and move her over to a wooden bench with a backto it.","Giles: Clearly something is amiss. Xander ties the other end of the rope to the back of the bench.","Buffy: Yeah, something's amiss here, a 'Miss Kathy Newman.' Giles, ow, Giles look in my bag. (He goes and picks up the bag.) Look in the bottom pocket of my bag. (He opens the pocket.) She has parts that can grow after they're detached. (He takes out the baggie.) She irons her jeans. She's evil. She has to be destroyed.","Giles: (Holding up the baggie.) I fear the demon that Buffy met in the woods has somehow possessed her.","Buffy: Lite FM. Love songs. Nothing but love songs.","Xander: (To Giles) You think?","Giles: Um, you stay and watch her. I-I know a spell that will make the possessing demon reveal itself so that we can fight it, but I-I need to get some supplies from the magic shop. Buffy, I... See you around. He leaves, taking the baggie. At the dorm room, there's an insistent knock at the door. Kathy opens it to reveal Willow.","Willow: Can I come in?","Kathy: Sure. (She lets her in, closing the door.) Where's Buffy?","Willow: I don't know, exactly. But I've been thinking, it might be a good idea for you and Buffy to give each other some apart time. In fact, you might want to be, uh, apart before she gets back.","Kathy: What do you mean? I should leave the room? Why should I go?","Willow: I-it's not fair, I know.","Kathy: You bet it's not fair, having to live with someone who's obviously troubled. Someone who so clearly needs to be in a home, not in a dorm.","Willow: I don't know about that. Uh, Buffy's going through something, yes, but...","Kathy: I wouldn't put it past her to drop out, or take off or something. Do something horrible to herself.","Willow: Herself?","Kathy: Or worse. She's capable of it, you know? You can see it in those shifty little eyes of hers. One of these days she might even push somebody too far. The phone rings and Kathy answers it.","Kathy: Hello? (She holds out the handset.) It's Oz. (Willow takes it.)","Willow: Hi. You did? She's at Giles, uh, ok. (She hangs up, and starts edging back toward the door.) You know, during that really short phone call I realized you are so right. I mean, it's not fair to make you leave your own room. So, you're good. You just stay, right there. Kay? (She bolts from the room.) Oz and Xander are watching Buffy in Giles' apartment.","Buffy: I can't believe this, after all that we've been through together and you guys won't believe me when I tell you that Kathy is bad.","Xander: We want to, Buff, it's just...","Oz: Shh, don't engage. She starts struggling against the ropes.","Xander: I don't know if I tightened those ropes enough.","Oz: Then we'd better go over there and check 'em.","Xander: (Laughs until he sees that Oz was serious.) Oh, dear god!","Xander: Avoid the legs. (The start forward.) Avoid the legs. They lean over her and she brings up her arms, grabs them and knocks their heads together. They both fall to the floor, unconscious. She tosses the rope onto Xander's body.","Buffy: Nope, not tight enough. The dorm room. Buffy comes through the door and closes it.","Buffy: Kathy. Kathy's lying on her bed reading her paperback.","Kathy: Buffy.","Buffy: I think we need to talk, don't you? Kathy gets up and walks over to her.","Kathy: Absolutely. Let's talk. Buffy kicks up a corner of the throw rug.","Buffy: Oops, look what I did. Kathy backhands Buffy across the face.","Kathy: Huh, look what I did. They grab each others heads and start struggling. Kathy's human face comes off in Buffy's hands, revealing her to be a green eyed, orange skinned demon.","Buffy: I knew it! Kathy rushes her, throwing her back.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The two demons in the woods are still chanting over the campfire. Suddenly, the ground opens up with a spray of dirt and Taparrich emerges. He is much taller than the other two and wears a different style of robe. He talks in subtitles.","Taparrich: Where is she? In the dorm room, Kathy forces Buffy down, straddling her with a hand around her throat.","Kathy: Quit it!","Buffy: I knew it! I knew you were one of those demon things.","Kathy: Oh why don't you just stuff it and let me finish my ritual.","Buffy: Ritual?","Giles: (In the magic shop, in what looks like a study, reading from an old book.) 'The ritual of Mok'tagar, a race of trans-dimensional demons, involves the forced ingestion of animal blood while the victim slumbers.' Buffy's nightmares...","Buffy: ...were real.","Kathy: I'm sorry, ok? I left my dimension to go to college and they sent these guys after me.","Giles: 'But while the Mok'tagar can assume many forms and guises, including human, they can always be recognized by others of their kind due to the lack of a soul.' (He looks at the baggie with Kathy's toenail clippings.)","Kathy: ...so I'm borrowing yours.","Buffy: (In a 'how typical' tone.) Without even asking.","Kathy: Tonight, when they come looking for me, they'll take the one without a soul.","Buffy: Well, thank God I won't have to watch you floss anymore.","Kathy: (Shouts.) And I won't have to live with a slob. Buffy bites the hand holding her down. Kathy lets up enough for Buffy to get leverage and throw her off. She throws Kathy against the bed and kicks her in the midsection. They both gain their feet and face off... Buffy charges and Kathy throws her over her back onto the bed. Buffy bounces off and kicks Kathy once in the face, once in the side. Kathy throws a punch which Buffy avoids. The slayer throws a punch which the demon blocks. Kathy grabs Buffy's head and throws her across the room and through Buffy's closet door.","Kathy: (Singsong.) It's share time, Buffy. With a growl, she runs over, grabs Buffy's feet and drags her out of the closet.","Buffy: Fine, let's start with my sweater. She has her ketchup-ruined sweater in her hands and wraps it around Kathy's neck, tightening it. Kathy grabs the sweater and rips it in two.","Buffy: Oh! Kathy picks her up and throws her back down onto the floor. When Buffy tries to get up again she gets a kick in the face. At Giles' apartment, Xander wakes up. His movements wake Oz.","Xander: Oow... why couldn't Giles have shackles like any self respecting bachelor? Willow comes in.","Willow: Guys, I just saw Kathy and she's acting... Oh my God, are you ok? (She runs over and helps Oz to his feet.)","Oz: Yeah, Buffy's got a pretty good lead on us, though.","Willow: I-I'll call Kathy, tell her to get out of there. (She goes over to the phone and starts punching numbers.) In the dorm room, Kathy is hitting Buffy across the face with the telephone handset.","Kathy: (Whap) All you had to do was (Whap) write (Whap) down (Whap) your (Whap) calls! Giles' apartment.","Willow: (Hanging up.) No answer.","Giles: (Rushing in.) Toenails! (He looks at them and shows them the baggie.) Buffy was right. (He gives it to Willow.) Kathy's toenails not only keep growing after they've been cut, they actually regenerate after they've been destroyed.","Willow: (Examining the clippings.) And that's a demon thing?","Giles: Oh, unequivocally yes. So... where is Buffy? (Xander shows him the rope.) Oh dear, we have even less time than I feared. (He hurries into the kitchen and starts gathering up items.) I've looked up all known regenerating demons. Only one species practices the ritual Buffy's been seeing in her sleep. It's used to steal the soul from a human body.","Xander: W-wait, are you saying that Buffy's been doing a Linda Blair on us because Kathy's been sucking her soul? Giles sets items down on the table.","Giles: I believe so, yes. Excuse me please. He drags Xander off the chair he'd been sitting on and moves it out of the way.","Willow: So Buffy was right all along. Later on, big remorse. Giles grabs the book he'd been reading earlier","Giles: Now, I've found a spell that should reverse the soul transfer procedure immediately. (He hands the book over to Willow.) Willow and I will perform it at once.","Oz: Leaving Xander and me to help Buffy in the flesh. Oz rushes out. Xander hesitates a moment, clearly not wanting to go. Then he follows. Giles reads from the book held by Willow as he begins lighting candles.","Giles: 'Hear me, elders of the upper reaches... elders of the lower reaches... elders of the dry land... elders of the river flats.' In the dorm room, Kathy throws Buffy against the demon's desk. Pencils fall to the floor.","Buffy: Ah-hah! (She stomps on the pencils, breaking them.) Kathy tries a backhand which Buffy blocks. Buffy grabs her head, swings her around, then gives her an uppercut. Kathy is thrown back into her own bookshelves, breaking them and scattering the items stored there. She rushes at Buffy and throws her against the door to the hall. In the hallway, on the outside of their door, we see that the numbers attached to it read two fourteen... until the shock of Buffy hitting the door causes the number two to break it's upper attachment and swing around upside down. A student leans out of his room, just next door.","Student: Do you mind? People are trying to study! Kathy runs Buffy across the room and into the window on the side of the room. (Not the one they were arguing over earlier meaning their room is in the corner of the building.) It breaks leaving Buffy lying across the sill. Kathy grabs her. Giles' apartment.","Giles: 'Ancients I beseech you. The soul, abstracted. Let it revert to it's true seat.' Dorm room. Kathy drags Buffy up off the window sill.","Kathy: The window's open. Happy? She throws Buffy over her bed and the slayer ends up leaning against her own bed. Kathy jumps on her and tries to force her mouth open.","Kathy: Open up! Let me finish! (She gets Buffy's mouth open.) Giles' apartment.","Giles: 'Let it be finished. Let the unnatural vessel be emptied, let the essence be returned to it's original host.' Dorm room. Kathy tries to draw out the rest of Buffy's soul, but the reverse happens as Buffy's soul material is returned to her. Kathy drops, spent.","Kathy: How did you do... With a flash of light, what looks like vortex briefly appears, to be followed by Taparrich who materializes inside the room. He and Kathy start talking in subtitles.","Taparrich: There you are. Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in young lady?","Kathy: I'm not going back!","Taparrich: Don't take that tone with me.","Kathy: I'm 3000 years old! When are you going to stop treating me like I'm 900? Oz and Xander burst through the door and Taparrich turns on them with a roar... they scoot back, but stay in the room. The demon turns back to Kathy.","Taparrich: Enough. You're coming home. He waves his arm and a vortex forms in the floor. Buffy sees it and quickly crawls around to the other side of the bed. Kathy screams as she's sucked in. Taparrich steps forward and enters the vortex too, it seals leaving the floor unblemished. Buffy, Oz and Xander stare at each other, speechless. Daytime, the dorm room. Willow is moving in, her stuff in boxes around the room. She's hanging up a 'Dingoes Ate My Baby' poster. Buffy has just finished eating half of a sandwich, the other half on a saucer in her hand.","Willow: How's that?","Buffy: Uh-uh, a little to the left... there. Perfect. I'm so glad you're here Will. (She sets the other half of her sandwich on the dresser.) I can already feel all that bad-Kathy-karma just draining away. She starts moving boxes and books around, straightening up.","Willow: About that--The Kathy thing?--I'm sorry I doubted you. Willow moves things from a box into one of the drawers in the dresser.","Buffy: You're completely forgiven. I mean, you had reason to doubt. Except for the soul sucking thing I bet Kathy was pretty regular, as far as roomies go.","Willow: That's a pretty big 'except.'","Buffy: I guess. I'm just glad that it was Kathy's demon-y ways making me no-fun Buffy. I've always thought I was pretty easy going--you know?--it's not like I have the big issues. You know, burn incense, or...","Willow: (Picking up the half-sandwich.) You going to finish this? She bites into it. Buffy's senses intensify, focusing in on Willow's teeth as she bites the sandwich. Her eyes narrow.","[Ending credits]"],"Show Title":"Buffy the Vampire Slayer","Episode Number":"04x02","Episode Title":"Living Conditions","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_04x05.json","Recap":["Xander gets a job bartending at the college pub; Buffy drinks with upperclassmen at that pub. It turns out that the bar manager is spiking the beer with some supernatural mojo, causing the targets to revert to caveman mentality."],"Transcript":["Night in a graveyard. Buffy is fighting with a vampire while Parker is lying on the ground.","Parker: Buffy?","Buffy: Parker? Stay down. She continues to fight the vamp while two other vampires grab Parker and start hauling him away.","Parker: Buffy! Buffy runs to Parker's rescue, knocking away the two vamps with high kicks and fighting all three at the same time. Eventually she dusts all three vamps. Parker walks up to her holding his arm.","Parker: Buffy, I don't know what to say. After the way I've treated you, and now I owe you my life","Buffy: It's nothing.","Parker: It's everything. You're everything. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you to forgive me. Do you think one day you might . Girl (giggling) Noooo.","Cut to Prof. Walsh's Psyche class. A girl is giggling beside Parker while Buffy watches behind them.","Prof. Walsh: These are the things we want. Simple things. Comfort, s*x, shelter, food. We always want them and we want them all the time. The id doesn't learn it doesn't grow up. It has the ego telling it what it can't have and it has the superego telling it what it should want. But the id works solely out of the pleasure principle. It wants. Whatever social skills you've learned, however much we've evolved, the pleasure principal is at work in all of us. So, how does this conflict with the ego manifest itself in the psyche? What do we do when we can't have what we want? Cut back to the graveyard scene again. Buffy stakes all the vamps.","Parker: Buffy, I don't know what to say. After the way I've treated you, and now I owe you my life. We see that Parker now has a bouquet of flowers and ice cream in his hand","Parker: Can you ever forgive me?","Cut to commercial","Cut to the campus during the day. Buffy is sitting at a table with Willow studying. Xander holds a lighter up to Buffy.","Xander: Rough day? Come on Buff. Be a lonely drunk. Rough day?","Buffy: Stop flicking at me.","Xander: Work with me here. I'm finally an essential part of your collegy life. No more looking down o n the townie. I'm the new bartender over at the pub. Got my lighter, my rag, my empathy face","Willow: aren't you two young to be a bartender?","Xander: Oh contraire, mon frere.","Buffy: mon frere means brother","Xander: mon girlfrere. Behold (holds up a fake id) Behold.","Willow: I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up.","Xander: What gives it away?","Willow: looking at it.","Xander: Well no one's going to see it anyway. Now I'm the bartender. I kick people out","Buffy: You know there's more to it than wiping and kicking. Mixing drinks for instance.","Xander: Well, I've seen cocktail. I can do the hippy-hippy shake.","Buffy: Well, even if I've had a pretend cigarette I couldn't tell you my pretend problems. The real ones have clogged up my headspace.","Xander: ooh unload em right here baby. Rough day? You wanna talk about it? Shutting up now.","Willow: I'm pregnant by my stepbrother who'd rather be with my best friend whose left me with no place to live. No food except this bottle of wild turkey which I drank all up. Xander looks confused","Willow: That was me being tanked and friendless for ya.","Xander: Gets my Oscar nod","Buffy: You know what? It's classtime.","Xander: So are you going to come by tonight to the pub?","Willow: Oz. Bronze. Date.","Buffy: You know maybe, maybe he's just having trouble dealing. I mean, don't guys sometimes put the girl they really, really like inside these deep little brain fantasy bubbles where everything's perfect? They do that right?","Xander: How's that fugue state coming along","Willow: Parker.","Buffy: Maybe I'm in his bubble and then pretty soon he's going to realize that he wants more than just bubble Buffy and he'll pop me out and we'll go to dinner and it could happen right?","Willow: Buffy. And as my best friend you need to stop thinking about Parker. He's no good. There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the pen1s.","Xander: Nothing can defeat the pen1s! Too loud, very unseemly.","Willow: I mean, I'm sorry do be so course but I feel strongly about stinky Parker man","Buffy: He can be really sweet. I'm telling you I think he had intimacy problems because of the death of his father.","Willow: Not interested. You got troubles, tell em to the bartender.","Xander: That's right. Cause the bartender's always ready to listen.","Cut to the pub:","Xander: What? What? Okay and you had a rum and coke, and you had a poker's light. And a vodka on the rocks. And a water. Is that right?","Customer one (boy): Do I have to write it down for you. A glass of ice water. A simple request? Ice water.","Customer two (girl): a cold ale, a Canadian lager, a glass of white wine. And a daiquiri","Xander: Ice water, right. Do you want that on the rocks? Buffy walks in and sees Parker talking to a girl. She walks right into Riley, spilling his drink on him.","Buffy: Oooh. Riley, I'm so sorry.","Riley: That's okay you know, but most people go around. I'm not saying you can't go through me, It's just that the other is much quicker.","Buffy: In my defense you do take up a lot of space.","Riley: I do. I'm (?). You looking for someone?","Buffy: Um, I just saw Parker over there.","Riley: right. Parker and his latest conquest. You know that boy should have (?)","Buffy: he's kinda a girl chaser huh?","Riley: sets em up and knock's em down. I guess maybe I'm old fashioned but my father says that if you wanna be a gentleman you","(Sees that she's ignoring him)","Riley: don't even care what my father says.","Buffy: I'm sorry what?","Riley: forget about it. You know I've got some people waiting. I'll see you in class right?","Riley leaves. Buffy sees Parker and the girl making out and goes to leave.","Cut to Xander at the bar. Two girls are talking. Xander flicks his cigarette lighter at a one of the girls.","Xander: Rough Day?","Girl: Nay, it's been super. We accepted Melody's pledge. And made her an official sister of Beta Delta Gamma. And our pins arrived today. I designed it myself.","Xander: You are so sharp.","Guy: Hey Paula. You keeping this fine bartender from his duty? A man's gotta make a living.","Xander: s'all right.","Guy: So the guys and I are about to celebrate","Xander: Uh, I said it was all right. I'm due for a break.","Guy: Oh, so what were you discussing. Maybe we could all join.","Paula: Be nice","Guy: What?","Xander: ah, forget it.","Guy: Oh, no I rudely interrupted and it sounds like the two of you were having quite the meeting of minds. Possibly debating the geopolitical ramifications of bioengineering. You got a take on that?","Xander: I've got beer. You want some beer.","Guy: Yeah, a pitcher of Black Frost. You see I think we have a perfect venue here for conducting a little sociometry. A bi-polar continuum of attraction and rejection. No given your sociological statuses. I foresee a B rejects A dyad. I'm sorry, lemme clarify. You see, we are the future of this country and you keep our bowl of peanuts full. We are what these girls want. And uh, four glasses.","Xander: How's about I see some ID cause you're not seeing a drop until I'm satisfied that","Bartender: Just give em a beer","(Xander pours a pitcher for them and leaves)","Cut to Buffy sitting alone at the bar. Xander sees her and comes over.","Xander: Buffy? Rough day? Wanna tell me about it?","Buffy: It's just . Parker's problem with intimacy turns out to be that he can't get enough of it. And knew it. I knew what he was. If he were tied and gagged and left in a cave that vampires happen to frequent it wouldn't really be like I killed him really","Xander: Buffy","Buffy: I'm a slut","Xander: No","Buffy: Idiot","Xander: No. You gotta stop being so hard on.","Bartender: Hey","Xander: Sorry, so sorry.","Buffy: I'm better. This has helped.","Xander: Do NOT go anywhere.","She gets up to leave when a guy bumps into her.","Buffy: Oh, oh. I'm so sorry I just keep running into people today.","Guy #2: I can't imagine anybody minding. You're not thinking about leaving are you? Because we have a strict policy against you leaving. At least until you've had a drink.","Guy #1: Yeah, well what my friend is just saying is you shouldn't be sad and alone right now. I mean you're a very beautiful girl who should be covered with men. And, could we be those men? It's on us. Buffy sees Parker leaving with the girl. She smiles at the guys and takes a beer from them.","Cut to the Bronze. Oz is walking through the crowd with two drinks in his hands. Willow is sitting at a table.","Oz: Hey. You got a table.","Willow: I had to kill a man.","Oz: Well, it's a really good table","Willow: I copied out my notes for Psyche since you were so elsewhere this morning.","Oz: Thanks","Willow: It's really pretty simple stuff. You know, just what's the matter.","Oz: I dunno. I feel It's nothing. They look at the stage where Veruca appears and starts singing. Oz is entranced and Willow notices. It seems like Veruca is singing right to Oz.","Willow: We could go back to your place. I could make you soup.","Oz: No. That's okay I'm fine. Thanks. They continue watching the band. Willow is getting uncomfortable.","Willow: Do you know her?","Oz: Veruca? No. I know their drummer. He's cool. I've never heard them play. Things get more intense. Oz is mesmerized by Veruca.","Cut to the pub. Buffy is chugging a beer","Guys: Chug, chug, chug, chug Buffy finishes the beer and burps","Guy #1: The thing that the modern day (?) failed to realize is that all the socio-echonomical and psychological problems inherent in modern society can be solved by the judicious application of way too much beer","Guy #2: Black frost is the only beer.","Buffy: My mother always said that beer was evil","Guy #1: Evil. Good. These are moral absolutes that predate the absolution of malt and fine hops. You see, wait where was I?","Buffy: I'm really not sure:","Guy#4: Well, Thomas Equines and (all the other guys stop him saying","\"NO\")","Guy #2: There will be no Thomas Equines at this table.","Guy#3: Keep your theology of providence to yourself frat boy","Guy#4: I was just drawing a parallel between","Guy#1: Beer. Had the earliest morality developed under the influence of beer there would be no good or evil. There would just be kinda nice and pretty cool. Everything would be different.","Buffy: You guys really like to hear yourselves speak don't ya","Guy#1: Alright we're losing her guys","Guy #2: Say something i8nteresting.","Guy #3: Tell us about yourself","Guy#2: Yeah, what do you like.","Buffy: Well, I don't hate this for a start.","Cut to Buffy and Willow's dorm room the next day. Willow walks in from the bathroom with a towel over her shoulder and her bath stuff in hand. She seems upset.","Willow: My name's Veruca. I'm in a band. I'm Oz, I'm in a band too. Oh, and this is Willow. Oh, how fun and creepy. Groovy. Buff, have you heard of this Veruca chick? Dresses like Faith, voice like an albatross.","Buffy: (watching MTV) TV is a good thing. Bright colours. Music. Tiny little people.","Willow: What did you do with Buffy","Buffy: I'm suffering the afterness of a bad night of badness","Willow: You didn't. Not with Parker again.","Buffy: No, with four really smart guys.","Willow: Four? Oh. Ow. Oh Buffy, are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it?","Buffy: I went to see Xander. Then I saw Parker. Then came beer.","Willow: And then group s*x?","Buffy: (Hits her) Gutter face. No! Just lots and lots of beer. It's nice. Foamy. Comforting. It's just beer.","Willow: Drowning your troubles over Parker. Mind frying man! He deserves a slow and torturous death by spiderbites. Well, for today we'll just have to throw spitballs at his neck in class.","Buffy: Okay. (Gets up to leave in her pjs)","Willow: Uh (stops her) getting dressed would be fun to.","Cut to Prof. Walsh's class:","Prof. Walsh: Next class we'll be moving on to personality types and disorders. For those of you who have done the reading you already know","(sees Buffy's hand up) yes?","Buffy: She read the reading.","Prof. Walsh: well, she'll have some time on her hands. As I was saying. We won't be able to cover it all in the class but that doesn't mean it isn't work knowing and it doesn't mean it won't be on the mid-term. Now, if I've been unclear in any way. Speak now.","(Buffy sees a girl eating a sandwich and she grabs it out of her hands and starts to eat it)","Willow: Buffy! Buffy are you okay?","Prof. Walsh: Good. Now before you go. Make sure you get the complete worksheet from the TA. Based on that do (?) and hand them to me at the start of the class on Monday. Buffy: (with her mouth full) Yeah, why wouldn't I be.","Cut to a lab where someone is brewing something in beakers. We see a glove turn a knob and fluid run down a tub into a vat of Black Frost beer (what Buffy was drinking the night before).","Cut to commercial.","Cut to pub that night. Buffy is watching Guy#1 pour beer into her glass","Buffy: This good. Ooh, good enough.","Guy#1: Still more is good.","Buffy: yeah. Foamy.","Guy#3: You should come to our class on big thinking. It's good.","(They all laugh. Cut to Xander at the bar. A girl approaches with a cigarette)","Girl: Boy, I'm having the worst day. You got a light?","Xander points to a no-smoking sign","Guy#1: I like girls","Buffy: You stupid","Guy#1: No, you stupid","Buffy: smelly head Guy#1 pushes Guy#2 over. They all laugh and Xander looks on kinda concerned.","Cut to the dorm. Oz walks up to Willow as she comes out of her room","Oz: Willow. Hey. I tried calling","Willow: Yeah, I've been up at the library. How are you feeling?","Oz: What do you mean?","Willow: well, you weren't in class. Again.","Oz: Yeah, I was practicing. Hey Shy's playing again tonight","Willow: Shy?","Oz: yeah, Veruca's band and they asked me to sit in with them. It would be kinda cool if you were there.","Willow: Two Veruca shows in two nights. Are you sure you wanna share your groupie? I think I'm gonna study. Because of the fun.","Oz: well, yeah I guess how I could see it be dull for ya.","(There's an uncomfortable silence between them and Oz looks confused at Willow being so distant and cold)","Willow: See ya (she turns around and leaves)","Oz: Yeah. (He looks hurt and leaves)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cut to the pub. Everyone is gone but the group Buffy is will","Guy#1: Stupid","Guy#2: No, you stupid.","Buffy: No you. (They all laugh)","Xander puts some music on the jukebox.","Buffy: You (they all laugh)","Buffy: Hey! She runs over to him and looks confused. She bangs on the jukebox and laughs","Buffy: thing. Like it.","Xander: It's time to go home Buffy","Buffy: Want more singing. Want more beer","Xander: No, I've cut you off.","Buffy: did it hurt","Xander: Out you go. Xander picks her up and starts carrying her to the door. She struggles. Final she walks to the door with him.","Buffy: Ow, oh, want beer. Like beer. Beer good.","Xander: Beer Bad. Bad, bad beer. What the hell am I saying? Buffy, go home and go to bed.","Buffy: Say bye (pushes him)","Xander: Bye","Buffy: Bye (she leaves)","Guy#1: Hey, where'd girl go?","Cut to another part of the pub. Willow walks in and sees Parker stirring coffee. She approaches him.","Parker: Hey. Did you want something?","Willow: Yes. I wanted to give you a piece of my mind. I'm tired of you men and your manness. Buffy's really hurting right now. In fact she's in need of a big mental tidy. Parker how could you do this to her?","Parker: Oh, I don't get what you mean. What did I do?","Willow: She shared something very intimate with you. And you act like it's nothing more than a bag of some kind of snack food","Parker: Willow, I'm not sure I need to explain my actions here but if that's what you want","Willow: Yes followed by an admission of undeniable guilt. But go on. (She sits down with him)","Parker: some relationships center on a deep emotional tie. Or a loyal friendship. Or something. But most are just two people passing through life enriching or aggravating each other's lives briefly.","Willow: Go on","Parker: Just for one night can't two people who feel an attraction come together and create something wonderful? And then go back to their lives the next day better for it but never over analyzing it or wanting it to be more than it was? I have. She should too.","Willow: People like Buffy a-and me assume that intimacy means friendship and respect. People shouldn't have to ask first if you're going to be eyeing other prospects tomorrow.","Parker: People shouldn't have to preface casual s*x with \"just so you know I'll never grow any older with you.\" It takes the fire out of it.","Willow: Maybe.","Parker: Willow, I don't regret what happened. Or what we did. But I am sorry that Buffy's hurting and if I mislead her than I'm sorry for that too I didn't mean to. I'm impressed that you care so much about her. You're a good friend. Cut back to the guys. They are getting more apelike. Xander comes to clean the table and get paid for the drinks.","Xander: Alright, time to pay up and go home guys. They throw money at him. Guy#1 leaves to go to the washroom. Xander continues cleaning and picks up a wad of cash from the table.","Xander: Let's see, I'll take this one, and this one. And you know I've always had a problem calculating the tip and you guys being so dapper and brain, maybe you can help me out. Okay great. See if your bill comes to thirty-eight dollars and people tip what, approximately thirty percent? That makes you tip what? (One of the guys gives him all the money). You are so smart. This is so the right amount. (Hears banging in the bathroom). Somebody didn't have their fiber today. Hey are you alright in there? Buddy? Guy#1 bursts out of the bathroom. He has become a Neanderthal. He conks Xander over the head with a club.","Cut to commercial.","Cut to Xander lying down and the Neanderthal guy on top sniffing his unconscious form. Xander slowly wakes up and sees him. Cut to the three other frat guys afraid and backing away.","Guy#2: Oh God","Guy#3: Let's get outta here! Neanderthal frat Guy#1 yells in Xander's face and Xander yells back. He gets up as the other frat guys begin to devolve into Neanderthals as well.","Xander: (jumping up): Hey, hey, easy. We're cool. (They back him into a corner) Help. Oh God. (He pulls out his Zippo lighter and lights it. The Neanderthals are all afraid of the fire and back away)","NG#1: Fire bad. Fire pretty","Xander: Fire angry! (They all run away out the door in fear. Xander closes the door behind them and calls his boss)","Xander: Jack! Jack! We've got a problem. The guys they they're some of the patrons are turning into cavemen","Jack: They've had it comin (he puts some Black Frost beer on the counter)","Cut to the campus. The cavemen are running around like apes, jumping into trees and fighting.","Cut to the pub:","Jack: you know I've been taking abuse from snot nosed kids for twenty years. They're always coming in here with their snotty attitude, drinking their fruity little micro brews and spouting out some philosophy Like it means a damn thing. Thinking they're different than us. Xander: They are now","Jack: they ain't. That's the great thing about beer. It makes all men the same.","Xander: Why are we talking about beer the guys are the beer.","Jack: Neat huh? My brother-in-law's a warlock. He showed me how to do it.","Xander: No. No neat. I served them that beer. I served Buffy that beer! Uh, how much beer would you say a person would need to consume before they start seriously questing for fire?","Jack: Relax. It will wear off in a day or so.","Xander: In a day or so someone is going to get killed. You're a bad, bad man.","Cut to outside. The Neanderthals see cars. One stands in the middle of the road and gets hit by a car. He is seriously injured. The driver jumps out to see if he's okay.","Car guy: I didn't see him, is he okay? He sees what they are and runs away in fear. The other cavemen smash the car, then chase some girls down the street while the injured one remains on the street in pain.","Cut to Buffy's dorm. Xander and Giles are walking through the halls.","Xander: Well, I cut her off before the others so I don't think she had as much to drink.","Giles: I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.","Xander: I didn't know it was evil","Giles: But you knew it was beer","Xander: well excuse Mr. \"I spent the sixties in an electric Kool-Aid funky Satan groove\".","Giles: it was the early seventies and you should know better","Xander: I'm not the dad of her. Buffy's a grown up. It wasn't enough to They see Buffy in her room drawing cave pictures on her walls. She looks at them with a wild look and bangs on the picture she has drawn of a man on the wall.","Buffy: Parker bad","Cut to the pub where Parker and Willow have moved to a couch and are still talking","Parker: I don't mean this in a bragging way but I do get to know a lot of women","Willow: Well, getting to know people is good.","Parker: But I haven't found the one yet. I've yet to find the girl that I can just sit with. Feel totally at ease. Feeling whatever's on my mind. Or even sit with comfortably in silence. Willow, can I tell you something kinda private?","Willow: okay, I mean I feel you've shown me a perspective I haven't really thought much about before. What was it you wanted to tell me?","Parker: Just that I've enjoyed talking to you. Here. Tonight.","Willow: Me too. I mean, with you. You know, I'm wondering something. About you.","Parker: What?","Willow: Just how gullible do you think I am? I mean with you gentle eyes and your shy smile and your ability to talk openly even to me! You're unbelievable!","Parker: What?","Willow: This isn't sharing. This isn't connecting. It's the pleasure principle. That's right I got your number ID boy. The only thing you're thinking about is how long you can jump on my bones","Parker: Look, if you think that I'm","Willow: I mean, you men. It's all about the s*x! You find a woman, drag her to your den, do whatever's necessary just as long as you get the s*x. I tell you men haven't changed since the dawn of time. The cavemen break in with the girls in tow","Willow: You see? They knock Willow down and hit Parker with a stick.","Cut to Buffy's room again.","Giles: fascinating really.","(Buffy's going around on a chair and then falls on the floor. She goes to the TV)","Buffy: Want people. Where people go?","Giles: The TV is off.","Buffy: Want! Want people.","Giles: She doesn't appear to be in any danger. Maybe you should stay with her.","Buffy snifs Xander.","Giles: or perhaps she should be left alone.","Buffy: Boy smells nice (she grabs him and snifs him)","Xander: Yeah, I think we need to track down the fun boys somewhat pronto. Jack said the effects of the beer would wear off","Buffy: Beer? Buffy want beer","Giles: You can't have beer Buffy gives Giles an evil look","Buffy: Want beer","Xander: Giles, don't make cave slayer unhappy She fakes a punch at Giles","Buffy: Buffy strong","Giles: Yes, Buffy strong","Buffy: Buffy get beer","Giles: Buffy get Buffy tackles him, pushes Xander out of the way and runs out of the room.","Xander: Giles!","Giles: I'm fine. Just get her","Xander: Which way?","Giles: Um, check down there. We have to find her before someone gets hurt. Cut back to the pub the caveman have knocked willow out and have made a shambles of the place. There is a fire spreading. Caveguy#1 is leaning over Willow's unconscious form.","Caveguy#1: Woman. Man.","Caveguy#2: (waving a stick in the air) Woman!","Cut to commercial.","Cut to the pub. Caveguys finally realize the pub is on fire and start to panic, not knowing what to do.","Cut to Xander running across campus.","Xander: Buffy! Buffy! He spots her and approaches her. She looks confused.","Xander: Aha can't find the beer. Good. Freshman girls unable to hold the beer shouldn't have it. Get into trouble. Buffy jumps away from him","Xander: Hey, we're good. Remember the boy? Boy smells good yeah? Is there any part of Buffy still in there. Buffy starts to snif. They turn and see smoke","Xander: Oh no.","Buffy: Fire bad! She runs towards the pub. In the pub the Neanderthals have gathered all the girls in a corner and continue to prance around, not knowing what to do. Buffy breaks in but can't get through the flames. She sees a fire extinguisher and gets it but is too far gone to know what to do with it so just throws it into the fire. Then she sees Willow's unconscious form and something clicks inside. She jumps over the flames and to Willow. Xander runs inside.","Xander: Buffy?! Xander runs back outside because there is too much smoke","Xander: Where the hell is Giles?","Cut to Giles talking to a student","Giles: Blonde. Um, about this tall. Walks with a sort of a sideways limp. Cut back to the pub.","Buffy: Bad. Bad. Buffy sees windows. She jumps up and works her way across some pipes until she can bust the window open. The Neanderthals take cue and start knocking things over so they can make a stairway to the window. They all run out and the girls follow them. Buffy drags Willow out and up to the window where Xander is helping the girls outside","Xander: Are you alright?","Willow: Buffy's still in there. Back inside Buffy sees Parker. He's awake and coughing. He doesn't see Buffy who is looking at a big stick with a lot of interest.","Parker: Oh God. Help me. I can't breathe. (He sees her). Buffy. Oh god, what do we do? Buffy clubs him over the head with a stick. She grabs his arm.","Cut to outside the pub. Xander and Giles stand beside a bench where Willow sits and Buffy hovers over her protectively.","Xander: Did you guys have enough fun for one night?","Willow: Yes. Please.","Buffy: Buffy tired.","Xander: And was there a lesson in all this huh? What did we learn about beer?","Buffy: Foamy","Xander: Good, just as long as that's clear. Anyways I think that the boys in the car are contained for the time being. This will give them some time to ponder the geo-political ramifications of BEING MEAN TO","ME!","Buffy walks up to a van and sees the Neanderthals inside. She bangs on the windows getting their attention.","Giles: whose van is that?","Xander: I dunno. Wasn't locked. Parker walks up to her alive and well","Parker: Buffy. Buffy I I dunno how to say this. I'm sorry for how I treated you before. It was wrong of me and I'm sorry. You were great tonight, really. I might not deserve this but do you think that you could forgive me? Buffy wacks him with the club again and knocks him out. The gang gathers around and looks at him. Buffy walks back towards the van but Xander guides her away with the others. The end."],"Show Title":"Buffy the Vampire Slayer","Episode Number":"04x05","Episode Title":"Beer Bad","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_04x19.json","Recap":["Oz returns to Sunnydale after learning to control his werewolf instincts. However, he loses control when he suspects Tara ( Amber Benson ) and Willow's relationship, and is subsequently caught by the Initiative."],"Transcript":["Giles: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Oz and Willow in bed. Willow trying to kiss Oz but he pulls away.","Willow: Oz... don't you love me? Oz walking forward and kissing her.","Oz voiceover: The wolf is inside me... all the time. Oz walking away from the house, getting into his van.","Oz voiceover: Until I figure out what that means, I shouldn't be around you. Or anybody. The van driving away. Shot of Adam's face. Shot of Adam killing Prof. Walsh.","Buffy: The Initiative created this thing and they can't stop it, but we will. Spike trying to bite Willow but flinching back in pain.","Riley voiceover: The implant works. Hostile 17 can't hurt any living creature in any way.","Spike in the Bronze: I get this chip out, you and me are gonna have a confrontation. Shot of Willow and Tara holding hands and moving the soda machine. Shot of Willow and Tara holding hands and lifting a rose.","Willow: I just like having something that's ... mine.","Tara: I am, you know. Yours.","(Willow and Tara walking across campus.)","TARA: Do you like cats?","WILLOW: I'm more of a dog person myself. But I'm not like, \"death to all cats.\" Why?","TARA: Cause I was thinking of getting one.","WILLOW: Can you have one in the dorms?","TARA: No, but this would be a sneaky cat.","WILLOW: That would be cool. You mean it'd be sort of like a familiar?","TARA: Actually, I-I was thinking it would be sort of like a pet. You know, we could ... we could name her Trixie, or Miss Kitty Fantastico, or something.","WILLOW: And we could make kitty go bonkers with string and catnip and stuff?","TARA: Absolutely.","WILLOW: Fun! I'm in.","TARA: So, you're not allergic or anything.","WILLOW: Nope.","TARA: Good, cause ... I want my room to be Willow-friendly.","WILLOW: Me too.","(They hold hands and keep walking.)","TARA: So I'm excited about the Scooby meeting ... I think. What's it about?","WILLOW: I'm not sure. Probably just your garden-variety disaster.","BUFFY VOICE-OVER: Zippo.","(Cut to Giles' apartment)","BUFFY: Patrol's been totally uneventful. My kill count's way down.","(We see the gang. Buffy sitting on Giles' desk. Riley standing in living room. Anya (on Xander's lap), Xander, Willow, and Tara on stools against the kitchen counter. Giles in kitchen.)","WILLOW: (to Tara) She means there's been less bad-guy activity.","GILES: Well, we know what that often indicates.","XANDER: Buffy doesn't make her quota. (Shakes finger at Buffy) Bad slayer!","GILES: Well, I wish it were that innocuous, but with Adam around, I feel he's involved somehow.","(Giles is holding a bag of snacks. He pours snacks into a bowl.)","WILLOW: (to Tara) When things get slow, it's usually because there's some extra evil brewing.","(Tara nods)","RILEY: Except the weird thing is, we've been busy at the Initiative. Our squads are pulling a lot more captures. We got demons coming out our ears.","WILLOW: (to Tara) That's a metaphor.","TARA: (smiling) I got it, thanks.","WILLOW: I'm overhelping, aren't I?","(Tara laughs)","GILES: (coming out of kitchen with bowl) So the activity's shifted but not stopped. (Hands bowl to Willow, but she doesn't take it) That's fascinating. (Sits at desk and puts bowl down)","ANYA: To an extremely bored person, maybe.","(Giles looks annoyed)","ANYA: Well, that was a thrilling hour.","(Everyone starts to get up.)","GILES: (rising) You know, I really don't appreciate your snide remarks, Anya.","(Anya and Xander look at him in surprise)","GILES: Now, I have a great deal of experience in these matters...","(We hear the door open. Buffy and Riley look toward it. Giles keeps talking)","GILES: ...and if I say there is a matter of some import brewing, I-I-","(Giles notices everyone looking behind him. He turns.)","Shot of Tara looking confused. Shot of Willow looking shocked. Shot of Oz in the doorway, hands in jacket pockets.","OZ: Hey. Opening credits. Guest starring Amber Benson, Leonard Roberts, Bailey Chase, Robert Patrick Benedict, Conor O'Farrell, George Hertzberg, Emma Caulfield as Anya, and Seth Green as Oz.","WILLOW: Oz.","(Oz looks around, uncomfortable.)","TARA: (understanding) Oz.","(Willow looks at Tara, looks back at Oz.)","(Shot of Buffy looking at Willow, concerned.)","WILLOW: When, when did you get back?","OZ: Pretty much now.","(Xander looks at everyone, steps forward.)","XANDER: Oz, man. Hate to sound grandma, but... you don't call, you don't write.","OZ: Yeah, sorry.","(They shake hands.)","BUFFY: So are you here here, or are you just passing through?","GILES: Well, um, let's not, uh, bombard the poor chap with, uh, questions right off. Can I get you something, um, tea? (Takes off glasses, moves toward kitchen)","OZ: I'll pass, thanks.","(Riley looks confused. Oz walks forward to Willow.)","OZ: Look, I'm going to Devon's to see if he's got a place I can crash.","But... I was hoping that we could talk. Later. Tonight.","WILLOW: I guess so.","OZ: I'll come by your place?","WILLOW: Okay.","(Oz smiles.)","OZ: It's great to see you guys again. Really.","(Oz leaves.)","(Willow still looks shocked.)","ANYA: Everyone's uncomfortable now.","(Buffy goes to Willow and touches her arm.)","BUFFY: You okay?","WILLOW: I-","TARA: I just, um - I realized, um, I'm-I'm late for study group.","WILLOW: Tara, wait.","TARA: No, no, it's okay. You-you should be with your friends, and, and I-I","should go.","(She leaves.)","WILLOW: Wait...","(Everyone looks at Willow, who is upset.)","Fade to graveyard.","RILEY: So, um, I was missing something this afternoon, wasn't I?","(Riley and Buffy walk through graveyard. He wears his battle fatigues. Buffy wears a long leather coat and a white cap. Riley carries a bag.)","RILEY: I mean, breakups are tough, but when Oz walked in, it seemed like emotions were running extra high.","BUFFY: Oz and Willow had a rough breakup.","(Riley nods.)","DEMON: Grr.","RILEY: Hold that thought.","(Buffy ducks and Riley punches the demon over her head. Then he lifts Buffy by the waist and she kicks the demon. It spins away, punches. Buffy ducks. Riley punches. Buffy kicks. Riley grabs the demon and hurls it over a gravestone. It falls unconscious.)","RILEY: Man, that was record time.","BUFFY: (pouting) It's no fun when they're that easy.","RILEY: (grinning) Speak for yourself. (Takes out radio) Base, this is Agent Finn. We've an HST down. Please send a retrieval team to sector 72.","RADIO: [unintelligible], Finn. We'll get there as soon as we can.","(Riley puts radio away and picks up his bag. They walk on.)","BUFFY: So, I was just about to say something fascinating.","RILEY: Oz and Willow.","BUFFY: Right. They had a rough breakup. Some stuff came up, and Oz pretty much bailed overnight. It left Will really devastated.","RILEY: I remember.","BUFFY: The thing is before that, they were doing great. I mean, she was totally dealing with Oz being a werewolf, it wasn't even-","RILEY: Whoa, wait.","(They stop walking.)","RILEY: Oz is a werewolf, and Willow was dating him?!","BUFFY: Yes. Hence the high emotions.","RILEY: You're kidding me. Gotta say I'm surprised. I didn't think Willow was that kind of girl.","BUFFY: What kind of girl?","RILEY: Into dangerous guys. She seems smarter than that.","BUFFY: Oz is not dangerous. Something happened to him that wasn't his fault. God, I never knew you were such a bigot. (Starts to walk away)","RILEY: (stopping her) Whoa, hey, how did we get to bigot? I'm just saying it's a little weird to date someone who tries to eat you once a month.","BUFFY: Yeah, well love isn't logical, Riley. It's not like you can be","Mister Joe Sensible about it all the time.","(Riley rolls his eyes.)","BUFFY: God knows I haven't been.","RILEY: I'm not talking about you.","BUFFY: How about we don't talk about this at all? Okay? Let's just patrol.","(She walks off looking angry. Riley is confused. He follows her.)","(Willow opens her dorm room door. Oz is leaning against the doorframe.)","OZ: Hey.","WILLOW: (nervous) Hey.","(Oz smiles.)","WILLOW: So... you wanna come inside?","OZ: Actually, I want you to come outside. I wanna show you something.","(They walk across campus. It's dark. They're both wearing jackets. Willow stops walking.)","WILLOW: Oz... (He stops walking too) This is all so weird.","(Oz sighs, fidgets with something on his hand)","WILLOW: I-I-I feel like... this isn't really happening. Like it's a dream or, or something.","OZ: It's real. Look up.","WILLOW: What?","OZ: (smiling) Look at the sky.","(Willow looks up. The moon is full.)","OZ: I guess you stopped keeping track of 'em after I left.","WILLOW: Full moon. (Looks at Oz, back up at moon)","OZ: Full moon.","WILLOW: Full moon, but-but how? I mean (smiling) you did it! How, how did you do it? Where did you go?","OZ: It's a long story.","WILLOW: (looks up again, then down, smiling) Oh my god, Oz!","(She hugs him. He holds her and closes his eyes. Willow pulls back. Not smiling any more.)","WILLOW: This is... I mean, it's wonderful for you.","OZ: I talked to Xander, and he said you didn't have a new guy.","WILLOW: No. No new... guy.","(Oz smiles and takes her hand.)","OZ: I know what I put you through, and I'm not gonna push. But I am... a different person than when I left. And I can be what you need now.","(Willow looks sad.)","OZ: That's what I want. That's why I'm here.","(Cut to Graham and two other commandos walking through the woods. The other two are carrying big guns. One of them nudges Graham.)","COMMANDO 1: Sir.","(Graham takes out his handgun. They all look and see rustling in the bushes.)","(A noise from behind makes them turn, and then something comes out of the bushes. It looks like a werewolf. They try to grab it. It shoves Graham and another soldier. Graham goes flying backward into a tree and falls to the ground. The other soldier flies back onto the ground, gets up but is pushed over again. The creature is on top of him and he screams. The third commando is attacked by another creature and flies into another tree. Graham lifts his head and sees the first creature with its mouth covered in blood. Graham's head drops back onto the ground.) Commercial.","(Buffy and Willow's dorm room. Willow sitting on her bed with something in her lap. Oz reclines on the end of the bed.)","WILLOW: I love this.","OZ: A woman in Tibet traded it to me for the Radiohead record. Got a lot of mileage out of the barter system.","WILLOW: So Tibet was your favorite?","OZ: Well, it's where I stayed the longest. This warlock in Romania sent me to the monks there to learn some meditation techniques. Very intense. All about keeping your inner cool.","WILLOW: Good, 'cause you were such a spaz before. (Smiles.) So that's it?","You keep your cool, and no more wolfie?","OZ: No, there's more. I take some herbs and stuff. Some chanting. A couple of charms. (He shows some beads on a string wrapped around his hand.)","WILLOW: It's incredible. You've been all around the world. You've had this ... complete mind\/body transformation. I've just been here. (Chuckle) Same old Sunnydale.","OZ: Doesn't mean you haven't gone through a lot.","WILLOW: It's true. Some of it, you know, was me telling myself I hated you and cursing your name. Not literally.","OZ: Well, thanks for that.","WILLOW: And, I don't know, I - I think I'm getting better at my spells and stuff.","(They look at each other. Willow fidgets, looks at the window.)","WILLOW: It's so light out.","OZ: Yeah, we talked all night.","WILLOW: Well, I believe a manly sized breakfast is in order, don't you?","OZ: Or we could just... (puts his hand on hers) sleep a little while.","(He gives her a meaningful look. Willow looks nervous)","OZ: Whatever you want.","WILLOW: I'll have the less confusing waffles right now.","(Oz smiles.)","OZ: Breakfast it is.","They both get up.","WILLOW: Lemme just, ah, freshen up.","(She takes her toothbrush and toothpaste and leaves. Oz watches her go, smiling.)","(Knock on door. Oz gets up and answers it. It's Tara. She's surprised to see Oz.)","TARA: Oh, sorry, I-I-I'll come back.","OZ: Are you looking for Willow? She's just in the bathroom down the hall.","TARA: No, no. No, it's, it's okay. (Backing away)","OZ: I saw you at Giles' yesterday.","TARA: Yeah. Sometimes Willow takes me with her to the s-scoobies.","OZ: You sure you don't wanna come in?","(Tara shakes her head and leaves. Oz shuts the door, looking confused. Willow comes back in and sees his expression.)","WILLOW: What?","OZ: Your friend came by. The blonde girl? But she wouldn't stay.","(He turns away to get his coat.)","OZ: So what do you think? Where you wanna go?","(Willow looks upset again. Doesn't look like she heard the question.)","(Cut to Riley's bedroom. Riley and Buffy asleep. The alarm goes off and they wake up. Riley stops it. Buffy yawns.)","(Riley turns to Buffy and rubs her stomach.)","RILEY: Morning.","BUFFY: Morning.","(She sits up and pulls away, getting out of bed. She's wearing one of his shirts.)","(Riley watches her walk away. He gets out of bed and pulls on pants. Stretches, starts doing pushups.)","(Buffy comes back wearing pants. Puts some clothes on the bed and watches him.)","BUFFY: Those like, regulation? Do you have to do those every morning?","RILEY: No, just a good way to start the day.","(Buffy has a bag. She's putting clothes into it.)","BUFFY: Great, then you can have your perfectly balanced breakfast, and then you can call your mother.","(Riley stops pushups. He did exactly ten.)","RILEY: Okay, I'm up less than a minute, and somehow I've managed to piss you off.","BUFFY: I should go home.","RILEY: No, come on. Is it that whole thing about Willow last night? (He sits on the bed.) Look, I only said what I said because I'm concerned. I","don't wanna see her get hurt.","BUFFY: You sounded like Mr. Initiative. Demons bad, people good.","RILEY: Something wrong with that theorem?","(Buffy looks exasperated. She walks a few steps away.)","BUFFY: There's different degrees of-","RILEY: Evil?","BUFFY: It's just... different with different demons. There are creatures -","vampires, for example -- that aren't evil at all.","RILEY: Name one.","(The door opens. It's Forrest. He looks solemn.)","FORREST: Rye, we need you downstairs. Beta team got hit.","RILEY: (stands up) Bad?","FORREST: We lost Willis.","(Riley winces.)","RILEY: Graham?","FORREST: He's walking.","(Shot of Buffy looking concerned.)","FORREST: We're going on a hunt.","(Riley turns to get a shirt.)","BUFFY: (to Forrest) What kind of demon was it?","RILEY: (angry) Does it matter? (Walks past her holding his shirt. He and","Forrest leave. Focus on Buffy as we hear the door close.)","(Cut to Buffy and Willow's dorm room. Willow sitting on her bed again, holding a stuffed animal. Buffy comes in with her bag.)","BUFFY: Hey.","WILLOW: Hey. You okay?","BUFFY: (rubbing her neck) Yeah, I just - I don't wanna talk about it. I","wanna hear about you and Oz. You saw him, right?","WILLOW: I was with him all night.","(Buffy raises her eyebrows.)","BUFFY: All night? (Grins) Oh my god. (Sits on Willow's bed.) Wait. Last night was a wolf moon, right?","WILLOW: Yup.","BUFFY: Either you're about to tell me something incredibly kinky, or-","WILLOW: No kink. (Smiling) He didn't change, Buffy. He said he was gonna find a cure, and he did. In Tibet.","BUFFY: (smiling) Oh my god. I can't believe it. (Pause) Okay, I'm all with the woo-hoo here, and you're not.","WILLOW: No, there's \"woo\" and, and \"hoo.\" But there's \"uh-oh,\" and... \"why now?\" And... it's complicated.","BUFFY: Why complicated?","WILLOW: (sighs, steels herself) It's complicated... because of Tara.","BUFFY: (frowns) You mean Tara has a crush on Oz? No.","(The clue-by-four hits Buffy.)","BUFFY: Oh!","(Willow gives a nervous smile.)","(Buffy stands up.)","BUFFY: Oh. Um... well... that's great. You know, I mean, I think Tara's a, a really great girl, Will.","WILLOW: She is. And... there's something between us. It-it wasn't something","I was looking for. It's just powerful. And it's totally different from what Oz and I have.","BUFFY: Well, there you go, I mean, you know, you have to - you have to follow your heart, Will. And that's what's important, Will.","WILLOW: Why do you keep saying my name like that?","BUFFY: (with false cheer) Like what, Will?","WILLOW: (sits up) Are you freaked?","BUFFY: What? No, Will, d- (stops herself, sighs) No. (Sits on bed) No, absolutely no to that question.","(Willow looks skeptical.)","BUFFY: I'm glad you told me. What did you say to Oz?","WILLOW: I was gonna tell him ... but then we started hanging out, and ... I","could just feel everything coming back.","(Buffy looks sympathetic.)","WILLOW: He's Oz, you know?","BUFFY: Yeah. I know.","WILLOW: I don't wanna hurt anyone, Buffy.","BUFFY: No matter what, somebody's gonna get hurt. And the important thing is, you just have to be honest, or it's gonna be a lot worse.","(Willow nods.)","(Cut to the tombs. Spike lying on top of a coffin, covered with a blanket. Footsteps slowly approaching. A greenish hand reaches for Spike's throat but he grabs it.)","SPIKE: (not opening his eyes) From the sound of those massive mud flaps, I'd peg you as a demon. Which means you're in for a world of... (Opens his eyes and sees Adam) Pain.","(Spike gets to his feet.)","ADAM: Spike, I want you to come with me.","SPIKE: Do you? (Shrugs) Well, let's go then. (Turns as if to leave, then spins around and punches Adam in the stomach. No effect. Spike shakes his hand in pain.)","SPIKE: Ow.","ADAM: Come. (Steps forward; Spike steps back) You're going to help me with my problem.","SPIKE: Why is that exactly?","ADAM: I'm going to help you with yours.","(Spike looks interested.)","(Tara opens her dorm room door. Willow is standing there.)","WILLOW: Hi.","TARA: Hi.","(Tara stands back so Willow can come in, then Tara closes the door.)","WILLOW: I can only stay for a minute. I have class.","TARA: Me too, I-I-I have class too.","WILLOW: I just want you to know that what you saw this morning, it wasn't-","TARA: No, it's okay. I-I always knew that if he came back-","WILLOW: We were just talking. Nothing happened.","TARA: (hopeful smile) Oh. (Pause) Really?","(Willow nods.)","WILLOW: But, you know, it was intense. Just talking. We have a lot to talk about. (Frowns) I kinda feel like my head's gonna explode.","TARA: (struggles for a moment) Whatever, you know, happens ... I'll still be here. I'll still be your friend.","WILLOW: Of course we'll be friends! That's not even a question.","TARA: (upset) But I'm saying, I know what Oz means to you.","WILLOW: How can you, when I'm not even sure? I mean, I know what he meant to me. But he left, and... everything changed. I changed, and... then we--","TARA: What?","WILLOW: (teary) I don't know. I just - life was starting to get so good again, and -- (sighs, moves closer to Tara) You're a big part of that.","(Crying) And here comes the thing I wanted most of all, and... I don't know what to do, I ... I wanna know, but I don't.","(Tara looks sympathetic. She brushes the tears off Willow's cheek.)","TARA: Do what makes you ... h-h-happy.","(Willow hugs her. Tara strokes Willow's hair.)","(Inside one of the college buildings. Oz is looking at a wall covered with flyers and posters. He wrinkles his nose and calls \"Willow!\" just as Tara walks by. She stops and looks at him. Oz looks confused. He walks toward Tara.)","OZ: Hey. I thought I sm...ah, heard Willow.","(Tara looks nervous, clutching books to her chest.)","TARA: Hey. (notices Oz holding books) You're um, you're coming back to school here, huh?","OZ: Pretty much. Feeling ... oddly motivated. (He still sniffs the air and looks around, confused)","TARA: That's um, that's great. I mean, that's, that's great for you and","Willow, right?","OZ: I hope so.","TARA: (nervous) Good, that's, because-","OZ: Is that her sweater?","TARA: (looks down) I just, I just hope that you guys'll be very ... happy.","OZ: (moves closer) You smell like her. (Tara still doesn't look at him) She's all over you, do you know that? (Getting angry)","TARA: I can't. I-I can't talk about this. (Tries to walk away. Oz grabs her arm.)","OZ: But there's something to talk about? (Angrier)","(Tara just gasps and stares at him.)","OZ: Are you two involved?!","TARA: I have, I, I, I have to go.","OZ: Cause she never said anything to me like that. We talked all night and she never- (Tara starts to walk away) No, stop! (Grabs her again. Tara looks scared.)","OZ: (yelling) Is she in love with you? Tell me, is she?! (Shakes her by the shoulders. Then he lets her go. He's panting. They look down at his hand and it grows fur and claws. Tara looks really scared.)","(Oz looks up. His face is half-wolfed and his eyes are black.)","OZ: Run.","Commercial.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Tara runs through the hallways, not carrying books any more. The werewolf chases her. She runs into a classroom, up the tiers of chairs, tries to get out the back door but it's locked. The werewolf chases her up the stairs, then back down. She tries to get away but he corners her. Tara screams and throws a chair at him. He collapses and doesn't move. Tara stands there panting. We see a tranquilizer dart sticking out of the werewolf.)","(Riley and Forrest and a bunch of other Initiative guys come in. Riley is putting away the tranquilizer gun.)","FORREST: Are you okay?","TARA: What's going on?","FORREST: We'll take it from here.","(Riley and the others are putting Oz in a bag.)","COMMANDO 2: This thing looks like it may be one of the demons that took out","Graham's guys the other night.","RILEY: We'll take it back. We'll make an ID. If it is, we'll put him down.","TARA: You don't understand, that's - (stuttering)","FORREST: Listen, we know what we're doing. You're in shock.","TARA: But-","FORREST: We'll handle it. (Walks away.)","TARA: No.","(Cut to Adam's underground lair.)","SPIKE: Well, that sounds like a lot of fun.","ADAM: You see my problem, though. Total annihilation of the humans doesn't help me. I'll be needing heavy casualties on both sides.","SPIKE: I get that. I'm still not sure how the Slayer fits in.","ADAM: The humans need a leader... a champion. The Slayer can do that.","SPIKE: (skeptical) Yeah... the thing about the Slayer is... she is a whiny little thing, but when it comes to the fighting, she does have a slight tendency to win.","ADAM: Then I guess you should be on her side.","(Spike smiles tolerantly.)","SPIKE: This all goes down, the chip comes out, yeah? No tricks.","ADAM: Scout's honor.","SPIKE: *You* were a Boy Scout?","ADAM: Parts of me.","(Cut to Willow in the school library, pretending to read. Tara rushes in. Willow sees her and gets up.)","WILLOW: What's up? You okay?","TARA: Oz. We were talking and, he changed. Right in front of me.","WILLOW: What? It's daylight.","TARA: I know, but it happened.","WILLOW: Oh my god, are you all right?","TARA: I'm fine. Riley and the commando guys, they stopped him. But they don't know it's Oz. I tried to tell them, but ... they took him away.","WILLOW: When? Just now?","(Tara nods.)","TARA: I think they might hurt him.","WILLOW: I, I have to go, I have to find Buffy.","TARA: I know.","(Willow runs off. Tara looks upset.)","(Cut to Giles' place. Xander and Anya on the sofa. Giles behind it. Willow pacing. Buffy in the background, on the phone.)","WILLOW: Tara said they took him right before she found me.","ANYA: So that's good, right? I mean, they probably haven't had time to eviscerate him yet.","(Willow sits on sofa.)","XANDER: An, you can help by making this a quiet time.","GILES: Once again we're faced with a fairly daunting prospect of having to infiltrate the Initiative.","XANDER: It'd be great if we knew someone dating a man on the inside.","Someone with connections.","(Buffy hangs up phone and comes around to the sofa.)","XANDER: Oh, wait! (Gestures at Buffy)","BUFFY: He's still not answering his pages. I left him another message.","WILLOW: So what do we do?","BUFFY: Well, we need to move fast. So we make a plan without Riley... (Shot of Giles looking concerned) and hope he calls.","(Underground at the Initiative. Oz-wolf is in a cage, growling and trying to get out. Riley, Forrest, soldiers with guns, and scientists in white coats are watching. Another scientist approaches.)","FORREST: What's the word, Doc? Is this the animal that took apart our men?","DOC 1: We don't know yet, soldier.","RILEY: What's the holdup? I thought Graham gave you a full description.","DOC 1: The holdup is that he described characteristics present in over 40","known varieties of demon. So we're cross-checking DNA evidence - hair, fibers-","RILEY: (impatient) And how long is that gonna take?","DOC 1: (annoyed) I have no idea.","RILEY: I don't need a bunch of tests to know that this thing's a killer. (Takes out his gun and points it at Oz. Suddenly Oz stops growling and morphs back into his human self. Riley lowers his gun and steps back. Everyone looks surprised. Oz looks up at them panting and closing his eyes.)","(Fade to white screen.)","(Fade to Oz's perspective, lying on a table with two docs over him and many more in the background. Doc1 is on the left, shining a flashlight in his eyes. Riley is behind him.)","(Shot of Oz on the table, naked and looking groggy.)","(Riley pushes forward.)","RILEY: Hey, he's coming to. Oz!","DOC 1: He won't be able to talk for a while. We gave him Haldol to keep him quiet. (Shining flashlight on Oz's teeth.)","RILEY: Why? He's not a threat now.","DOC 1: I allowed you to stay as long as you let us do our work, Agent Finn.","Only Colonel Macnamara can place a cease order on medical testing, and he's told us to proceed.","DOC 2: I always suspected that stuff about werewolf transformations being based on a lunar cycle was campfire talk. (Injects Oz with something. Oz groans.)","(Riley sees the second doctor pulling out another instrument (stun gun?).)","RILEY: Oh, hey, that's enough. Come on, the guy's a student, I know him.","DOC 1: (points to the other soldiers) Take him out.","COMMANDO 3: Yes sir.","(Riley looks angry, but lets the other soldiers escort him away.)","(Doc 2 puts the tip of the instrument on Oz's chest and zaps him with electricity. Oz screams and turns into the werewolf.)","DOC 2: See that? Transformation related to negative stimulation.","(The docs exchange a look.)","(Back at Giles'.)","BUFFY: Something's wrong. Riley usually returns my phone calls by now.","XANDER: We can't wait much longer.","BUFFY: I know. (Looks at Willow) Okay. Xander, you and I are gonna go in.","We've done it before.","WILLOW: I'm going with you.","BUFFY: No. Look, it's too dangerous, Will. Besides, I need you to help Giles hack into the city's electrical grid. We've gotta try to power down the Initiative.","WILLOW: Giles can do it without me. I can give him all the instructions, I can show him exactly what to do.","GILES: Of course.","WILLOW: I-I can't just sit here.","(Buffy looks at Xander.)","BUFFY: Okay. Okay, you can back us up. (Sighs) Now, the only way I know into the Initiative is through the elevator in the Lowell House. But my clearance is long gone.","XANDER: So we grab a guy, make him take us.","SPIKE: Or you could just use the back way.","(Everyone turns to see Spike standing by the closed door.)","SPIKE: Hell of a lot less bother.","GILES: How did you get in?","SPIKE: Door was unlocked. You might wanna watch that, Rupert. Someone dangerous could get in.","BUFFY: Or someone formerly dangerous and currently annoying.","SPIKE: (extremely amused and pleased with himself) Now, now. None of that.","Or I won't help you get Red's mongrel back. (Everyone looks surprised.) Bad news travels fast with us demons. We all like a good laugh. (Chuckles)","GILES: Short of cash, Spike?","SPIKE: I happen to be seeking monetary gratification, yeah. But I also get a kick out of jackin' up those army ginks myself. I know how to find the big guy who can take you to Oz.","BUFFY: Uh-huh. So what's the going rate on a wild goose chase, Spike?","SPIKE: Fine, if you're not interested. But I was stuck in that hole, remember? And I've heard things from other guys who've ogtten out. I can get you in. No alarms, no cameras ... no waiting.","(Everyone looks at Buffy.)","(Oz huddled in a corner of a cell in the Initiative, naked and shivering. The door opens. Oz looks up, squinting like the light hurts his eyes. There's a big bruise on his shoulder. He frowns as Riley comes in.)","RILEY: Oz. Put these on, man. (Gives Oz some clothes.)","(Oz frowns but starts to get up.)","(Riley helping Oz walk through the darkened Initiative staging area. Oz is clothed but weak. He leans on Riley. Suddenly the lights come on and they're surrounded by soldiers with guns. Forrest and Graham step forward. Graham's holding his handgun.)","FORREST: End of the line.","(Riley looks alarmed.)","Commercial.","(The Initiative brig. A guard lets Colonel Macnamara in. He enters and goes over to Riley's cell. Riley stands up from sitting on the bed and stands at attention. The colonel unlocks the door and walks into the cell.)","COLONEL: At ease.","RILEY: Permission to speak, Colonel.","COLONEL: Denied.","(Riley looks surprised.)","COLONEL: Being new around here, Finn, I had a look at your record and","Professor Walsh's notes. Until recently, you were an exemplary soldier headed straight for the top. Then you meet this girl, this ... slayer, and suddenly you begin to exhibit signs of disloyalty. You abuse your command. But tonight... (shakes his head, squints) To release a lethal HST back into the population -","(Riley shakes his head.)","RILEY: Sir, the prisoner-","COLONEL: You will speak when I tell you to!","(Riley goes back to attention.)","COLONEL: Tomorrow I am going to institute a court-martial to investigate the extent of your involvement with the Slayer and her band of freaks.","(pause) They're anarchists, Finn ... too backwards for the real world. You help us take them down, and you just might save your military career. Otherwise, you'll go to your grave labeled a traitor.","(Riley looks shocked. The Colonel turns and leaves.)","COLONEL: No woman is worth that.","(The cell doors close.)","(Cut to Buffy, Willow, Xander and Spike walking through the woods, armed. Buffy and Willow wear white lab coats. Spike and Xander wear green army fatigues.)","BUFFY: I've mentioned how much I'm gonna kill you if this is a scam, right?","SPIKE: Look, would I wear this if I wasn't on the up-and-up?","WILLOW: You do sorta look like an evil olive.","XANDER: Guys... check it out.","(They all see the hidden doorway. They look at each other. Spike walks toward it.)","(Shot of Adam in his lair working on a computer. The metal part of his face is hinged back and wires are running into his skull from the computer. )","(Spike pulls the doors open.)","SPIKE: For a nasty town like Sunnydale, nobody seems to mind their locks.","(The other three look at each other.)","BUFFY: You first.","(Spike rolls his eyes and enters.)","(Shot of Adam. Something beeps and he looks at another computer screen. It's showing diagrams of underground tunnels.)","(Cut to Anya working on a computer while Giles looks on.)","GILES: Try typing in... (looks at paper maps of the area) X-H-4-J-7 for the emergency shutdown command. That covers the entire electrical grid for the university and outlying area.","(Anya types it in.)","(Shot of Adam at his computer. The words \"EMERGENCY POWERDOWN IN PROGRESS\" flash on his screen in red.)","(Shot of Buffy, Spike and the others in the hallways of the Initiative. Suddenly the lights go out. Blue emergency lights come on.)","(Shot of the UC Sunnydale campus, going black section by section.)","(Shot of Anya and Giles as the power in Giles' apartment goes out (but the computer stays on). Anya smiles proudly.)","ANYA: Slap my hand now! (Chuckles and holds up hand)","GILES: Beg your pardon?","ANYA: In celebration.","GILES: Oh... (slaps her hand) Yes.","ANYA: Ow!","(Buffy kicks in a door and they burst into the room. It's the Colonel's bedroom. He's in bed. Buffy and Xander march over to his bed and point guns at him. He tries to reach for something on the bedside table.)","BUFFY: Hey! (Points her crossbow in his face. He pulls his arm back)","BUFFY: You know who I am?","COLONEL: (looks from her to Xander, to Spike and Willow in the doorway) Yeah.","BUFFY: Then you know I'm pretty good with this thing. Take us to him.","Colonel: Finn stays in the brig. Helping an HST escape is a court-martial offense. (Buffy looks surprised) You're only gonna make matters worse.","BUFFY: Riley tried to help Oz escape?","COLONEL: (looks from one to the other) That's who you came for. The wolf.","XANDER: Guess we're two for one.","BUFFY: Get dressed.","(Buffy walks down the hallway alone, past the guy standing guard outside the brig. As she passes him, she drops something.)","GUARD: Hey, you dropped-","(As he bends to pick it up, Buffy knees him in the face. He falls back. Buffy bends over him, takes his key-card, and uses it to open the door. She enters the brig where Riley is sitting on his bed. He gets up.)","RILEY: How'd you get in? (Buffy opens his cell door)","BUFFY: Talk later. Stealthy escape now.","(She turns to go. Riley stops her.)","RILEY: Buffy... (She turns back to him) I leave now, I can't ever come back.","(Buffy just looks at him.)","RILEY: I just wanted to hear that out loud.","(They leave.)","(Cut to the gang walking down the halls with Buffy holding her crossbow to the Colonel's head.)","VOICE: Hold it!","(The hallway in front of them suddenly fills up with soldiers holding guns. We see Oz in his cell nearby, watching. Buffy sees him too. More soldiers appear at the other end of the hall. Buffy and the gang are trapped.)","BUFFY: Stay back... or I'll pull a William Burroughs on your leader here.","(Everyone looks confused.)","XANDER: You'll bore him to death with free prose?","(Buffy looks annoyed.)","BUFFY: Was I the only one awake in English that day? (Slowly, like you'd talk to an idiot) I'll kill him. (To the Colonel) Get him out.","(The Colonel nods to one of the soldiers, who drops his gun and lets Oz out. Willow starts forward.)","WILLOW: Oz...","OZ: Will, get back.","(He looks down at his hand, which is hairy and clawed again. Willow steps back looking shocked.)","(Oz concentrates and his hand goes back to normal. Riley steps forward and grabs him.)","BUFFY: Let's go.","(Still holding the Colonel, they go back down the hall. The soldiers follow. They get into the elevator.)","(Everyone stands silently looking at each other until the elevator stops. Everyone gets out except Riley, Buffy, and the Colonel. Riley opens the elevator control panel and rips out the wires, creating lots of sparks. He and the Colonel glare at each other. Buffy gets out of the elevator, still covering the Colonel with her crossbow. Riley follows.)","COLONEL: You're a dead man, Finn.","(Riley turns back.)","RILEY: No, sir. I'm an anarchist.","(He punches the Colonel in the face and walks away.)","(At the old Sunnydale High ruins. Buffy and Riley are setting up a campsite. They have coolers and a camp lantern. Riley spreads a sleeping bag on the ground. Buffy is pouring from a thermos.)","BUFFY: I hope everybody else is okay. It was better to split up, right? I","mean, we're just too findable in a big clump.","RILEY: It was better. Besides, I think it's mostly me the Initiative wants now.","(He sits on the sleeping bag and sighs.)","BUFFY: Probably. So what should we do?","RILEY: (puts his head in his hands) We'll be safe for tonight at least. The campus is still blacked out, so that oughta slow the Initiative down. I'll","(gestures vaguely) figure out my next move tomorrow.","(Buffy sighs.)","BUFFY: Quite a day, huh?","(Riley nods.)","BUFFY: You woke up to a big bowl of Wheaties. Now you're a fugitive. (Comes over to sit next to him)","RILEY: I don't know. I'm sorry it ended that way. But I am glad it's done.","I'm glad I know where I stand, finally.","(Buffy looks pensive.)","RILEY: I was wrong about Oz. I *was* being a bigot.","(Buffy shakes her head.)","BUFFY: No you weren't. You were thrown. You found out that Willow was in...","kind of an unconventional relationship, and it gave you a momentary wiggins. It happens.","RILEY: Still... I was in a totally black and white space, people versus monsters, and it ain't like that... especially when it comes to love.","(Buffy looks up. She comes to a decision.)","BUFFY: I have to tell you some stuff... about my past. And it's not all stuff that you're gonna like.","(Riley looks a little nervous. He can tell this is important.)","RILEY: You can tell me anything.","BUFFY: I think so. (Smiles) I think I can.","(Cut to Oz and Willow sitting in Oz's van.)","WILLOW: This thing looks pretty good, considering you drove it overseas.","(Oz doesn't look at her.)","OZ: Well, it broke down outside of Mexico, and I traded my bass to have it fixed and garaged.","(Pause.)","OZ: I shouldn't have come back now... I just thought I'd changed.","WILLOW: You have changed. (Smiles) You stopped the wolf from coming out. I","saw it.","OZ: But I couldn't look at you. (He still can't.) I mean, it turns out... the one thing that brings it out in me is you... which falls under the heading of ironic in my book.","WILLOW: It was my fault. I upset you.","(He finally looks at her.)","OZ: Well, so we're safe then, (sarcastic) cause you'll never do that again.","(Willow tries to look amused.)","OZ: But... you're happy?","WILLOW: (smiles) I am. I can't explain it-","OZ: It may be safer for both os us if you don't.","(Willow looks sad.)","WILLOW: I missed you, Oz. I wrote you so many letters... but I didn't have any place to send them, you know?","(Pause.)","WILLOW: I couldn't live like that.","OZ: It was stupid to think that you'd just be... waiting.","WILLOW: I was waiting. I feel like some part of me will always be waiting for you. Like if I'm old and blue-haired, and I turn the corner in Istanbul and there you are, I won't be surprised. Because... you're with me, you know?","OZ: I know. (Pause) But now is not that time, I guess.","WILLOW:(shakes her head) No.","(They look at each other.)","WILLOW: What are you gonna do?","OZ: I think I better take off.","WILLOW: When?","OZ: Pretty much now.","(Willow nods. She's teary again. Oz leans over and they hug.)","(Shot of the campus still in darkness.","(Cut to Tara in her darkened dorm room, looking out the window. There's a knock on the door. She gets up to answer it. It's Willow, holding a candle.)","WILLOW: No candles? Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey.","(Tara doesn't say anything. Willow steps forward and gives her the candle, closes the door behind herself.)","WILLOW: Tara, I have to tell you...","TARA: No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love.","WILLOW: (smiles) I am.","(Tara looks amazed.)","TARA: You mean...","WILLOW: I mean. (pause) Okay?","TARA: Oh, yes.","WILLOW: I feel horrible about everything I put you through. A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. Starting right now.","TARA: (starts to smile) Right now?","(Willow smiles and nods. Tara blows out the candle.)"],"Show Title":"Buffy the Vampire Slayer","Episode Number":"04x19","Episode Title":"New Moon Rising","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_05x15.json","Recap":["A robot girlfriend, April, is abandoned by her creator, Warren. When April tries to kill Warren's current girlfriend, Buffy intervenes. Spike secretly coerces Warren into making him a robot of Buffy."],"Transcript":["\u2022I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. \u2022I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. \u2022You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) \u2022I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Teaser","GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Monks running in fear. Glory bursting through a warehouse door.","BUFFY VOICEOVER: Tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting.","QUINTON TRAVERS VOICEOVER: Glory isn't a demon. She's a god. Glory talking to the tied-up monk.","GLORY: Tell me where the key is. Monk talking to Buffy.","MONK: We had to hide the key. Made it human... Monks chanting. Dawn looking sullen.","MONK: ... and sent it to you.","BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn.","RILEY: Know you got a lot on your mind. You decide you wanna let me in on any of it, you let me know. Riley letting a vampire bite him.","RILEY VOICEOVER: Buffy's like nobody else in the world. But she doesn't love me. Riley talking to Buffy.","RILEY: They want me back, Buffy.","BUFFY: Are you going?","RILEY: I don't know. If we can't work this out...","BUFFY: This is goodbye? Riley in the helicopter lifting off. Buffy yelling up at the helicopter.","BUFFY: Riley! Buffy watching the helicopter fly away.","BUFFY: There's something that you need to know. About Dawn.","DAWN: Why does everybody start acting all weird when I'm around? Spike and Dawn in the magic shop.","SPIKE: (reading) They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life. So they sent the key to her in the form of a sister. Dawn with blood on her arm.","DAWN: Is this blood?","BUFFY: What did you do?","DAWN: I'm not a key. Dawn in the hospital talking to Ben.","DAWN: I'm not real.","BUFFY: You're the key. Go. Before she finds you. She's here! Ben morphing into Glory. Spike and Buffy in the underground cave.","SPIKE: I love you.","BUFFY: The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious. Spike and Buffy on the street.","BUFFY: I want you out. I want you out of this town, I want you off this planet! You don't come near me, my friends, or my family again ever! Understand? Spike trying to enter the Summers house but he can't. Buffy closing the door in Spike's face.","BUFFY: (punches) Spike! (more punches) Spike wants me, how obscene is that?","GILES: Well, it is very strange. I can't imagine what he's thinking. (stands) Uh, not, not that you're not, uh, attractive...","BUFFY: (stops punching) I feel gross, you know, like, like, dirty. She resumes punching. We see part of the thing she's punching, which looks like a punching bag.","GILES: That's ridiculous, you can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or, feels.","BUFFY: (stops punching) Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, \"woof, that's the one for me!\" She resumes punching, very violently, and finishes by kneeing the target sharply.","GILES: Buffy, I think you should perhaps calm down.","XANDER: Me too. We see that Buffy's target is actually Xander in a huge padded suit and fencing mask. It forces his arms to stand straight out at his sides, basically immobile. Giles and Buffy look at him with concern.","BUFFY: Oh! Puffy Xander, uh, I'm sorry, I got ... guess I got carried away. (removes the mask, gives it to Giles) Are you okay?","XANDER: I'm alive. I can tell 'cause of the pain.","BUFFY: Do you wanna sit down?","XANDER: I'm not that bendy. (points at the wall) I could lean.","GILES: I'll get some ice. Buffy helps Puffy Xander waddle over to the wall and lean against it.","BUFFY: Here.","XANDER: (loud sigh)","BUFFY: Comfy?","XANDER: Oh, yeah. This leaning? This is the stuff.","BUFFY: That's my secret to attracting men. You know, it's simple really, you slap 'em around a bit, you torture 'em, you make their lives a living hell-","XANDER: Buff...","BUFFY: ...and sure, the nice guys, they'll run away, but every now and then you'll meet a real prince of a guy like Spike who gets off on it.","XANDER: Buffy ... (jerks his head sideways) Stand me up. Buffy helps him stand up straight. He loses his balance and slants toward Buffy, who puts her hands on the puffy stomach to stabilize him.","XANDER: The problem is not you. Don't do this to yourself, please.","BUFFY: It's just ... I just wanna know that there's gonna be another good one. One that I won't chase away.","XANDER: There will be. Promise. He's out there, he could come along any minute.","BUFFY: Yeah, and the minute after that I can terrify him with my alarming strength and remarkable self-involvement.","XANDER: What? I don't think you're like that.","BUFFY: Maybe I could change. You know, I could, I could work harder. I could spend less time slaying, I could laugh at his jokes, I mean, men like that, right, the, the joke-laughing-at?","XANDER: Or maybe you could just be Buffy, he'll see your amazing heart, and he'll fall in love with you. Buffy looks touched.","BUFFY: Xander, that's ... aw! She puts her arms around Puffy Xander and rests her head on his big puffy chest.","XANDER: This is the day you choose to hug me? (shakes head, sighs) Buffy?","BUFFY: Mm?","XANDER: You ever think maybe the reason you haven't found a great relationship on the Hellmouth is ... because it's a Hellmouth? Seems to me it's a pretty terrible place to try to build anything. Buffy closes her eyes looking peaceful.","BUFFY: Mm.","Cut to: Sunnydale main street, night. A car comes around a corner and stops by the sidewalk. The passenger door opens and a young woman (April) gets out, closes the door. She is wearing a very short, very tight pink flowered dress. She has long straight dark hair and a perpetual smile. She leans in to talk to the driver of the car.","APRIL: Thank you for picking me up. I'm very grateful for the ride.","DRIVER GUY: You sure you want to get out here? I mean, this place is kinda ... (looks around) what are you looking for in Sunnydale, anyway?","APRIL: (looks around with a smile) True love. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Shonda Farr, Adam Busch, Troy T. Blendell, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by Jane Espenson, directed by James A. Contner.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act I","[SCENE_BREAK]","Fade in on the Summers living room, day. Joyce is wearing a black evening gown with large flowers on it. She is spinning around. Buffy and Dawn sit on the sofa watching.","BUFFY: I might like it more than the others. Can you spin around again? Joyce spins again. Buffy smiles.","DAWN: Ooh, I'm not sure. Once more. Joyce spins again, smiles at them.","BUFFY: Now could you go the other way? Joyce starts to spin, stops and looks at them.","JOYCE: You're messing with me! Dawn laughs.","BUFFY: We just wanted to see how many times we could get you to do it.","DAWN: Was that five, or four and a half?","JOYCE: (holds out her arms) So is anyone gonna talk about my dress?","DAWN: I like it.","JOYCE: You sure? I mean, it's not too mom-ish?","DAWN: Oh. That was why I liked it. (Joyce looks disappointed)","BUFFY: You're both crazy. It's not mom-ish at all. (Joyce looks relieved) It's sexy. It screams, \"Randy s*x kitten, buy me one drink and I'll...\" (pauses) Oh, wait, that's not really good either. Dawn shakes her head in agreement.","JOYCE: Oh god. What time is it?","BUFFY: (checks her watch) 4:23. You have lots of time until seven. Vast acres of time in which you could plant crops. Now tell me about this Brian and what his intentions are.","DAWN: Maybe he's a gigolo. Was his shirt all shiny? (she and Buffy exchange an amused look)","JOYCE: No! He works for a publishing house. He's a nice normal guy, okay?","BUFFY: I think I've heard of those.","JOYCE: He came to the gallery ... my first day back, when I was, you know, kinda shaky, starting over. And he asked a question about these antique cameos (sighs) and I was so lost, because ... Carol had been doing the ordering while I was sick. Well, it turned out that he didn't know anything about them either, so we had a lot to talk about.","DAWN: (smiling) So what's the plan for tonight?","JOYCE: (smiling) Dinner and then a movie. (frowns) Or maybe it was ... a movie and then dinner. Which might be better, because ... you know, then we could talk about the movie. (Buffy nods) Or maybe a movie isn't a good idea at all, because, well, you know, you can't talk during, and, and then, you know, what's the point of any of it? (Dawn shakes her head) Oh, and about the restaurant. Do you think ... that it should be one with candles, and romantic music, or is that pushing it? Buffy, what do you think? Should I, you know, try to make things romantic, or ... sorta let him set the pace?","BUFFY: Oh, no. (stands, walks across to other end of the sofa) Love Doctor Buffy is not in. I am not qualified to give dating advice. I've had exactly two boyfriends, and they both left. Really left. Left town left.","JOYCE: Honey, you just had some bad luck.","DAWN: Well, you're going to that spring break party tonight. Maybe you'll find someone there.","BUFFY: Mm-hmm. Or maybe Brian has a son, and Mom and I can go on some unspeakably awkward double dates.","JOYCE: Oh god... (puts hands on her chest) Brian. What time is it now?","BUFFY: (checks watch) 4:24.","JOYCE: (nervous) You sure the dress is okay?","DAWN: Hmm. Spin again. Real fast this time. Joyce gives them an amused-scolding look.","Cut to: Tara and Anya walking along the UC Sunnydale campus, day.","TARA: Willow's good at all that computer stuff, but me not so much. Do you really understand all that?","ANYA: Oh. Well, at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, \"whoa, I'm eleven hundred years old. I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans.\"","TARA: I go online sometimes, but ... everyone's spelling is really bad, and it's ... depressing.","ANYA: But you have to try online trading, it's great! The secret is avoiding the tech companies everyone was jumping on, and, and going with the smaller firms that supply the basic components.","TARA: Uh-huh.","ANYA: Anyway, I took the money from working for Giles, and I tripled it.","TARA: Tripled? Like, first money, then money money money?","ANYA: Yes. I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope. April walks up to them with a big smile.","APRIL: Hi. Anya and Tara look at each other, then at April.","ANYA: Hi.","APRIL: I'm looking for Warren. Do you know where Warren is? And if you do, could you tell me?","TARA: Um, I, I don't think we know a Warren. (Anya shakes her head)","APRIL: Well, all righty, no harm in asking. Thanks! She walks off with a smile. The others watch her go up to a guy sitting on a bench, reading the newspaper.","APRIL: Hi, do you know Warren? I need to find him.","BENCH GUY: Uh, sorry. Tara and Anya resume walking.","TARA: You, you can do all this stuff with a regular computer?","ANYA: (smiling) I'll show you. You can also see the website I designed for the magic shop. Huge photo of me. They walk off. In the background we see April walking along in the other direction.","Cut to: UC Sunnydale dorm. A party is going on. Music, decorations, lots of drinks, lots of people moving around, talking. We see Ben standing by the punch bowl. Pan across to Buffy and Xander dancing together.","XANDER: How you doing, having o' the fun?","BUFFY: You know, I am. Dancing with you is way better than trying to hook up with some good-looking guy.","XANDER: I think I liked it better when you were kicking me in my puffy groin. Pan further to find Tara, Willow, and Anya standing together.","ANYA: I let them do that. Dance together. That was me.","TARA: Very nice of you.","WILLOW: A good deed.","ANYA: Yes. I'm expecting a big karmic reward any second now. The song ends, Buffy and Xander stop dancing. Xander bows.","BUFFY: Thank you. Xander walks off. Buffy spots Ben still standing by the punch bowl, talking to someone. The other person leaves and Ben looks around, looking uncomfortable. Buffy walks over while Ben is looking the other way. She leans against a nearby pillar and pretends not to see him. Ben looks around more, notices Buffy.","BEN: Buffy.","BUFFY: (pretends to notice him) Ben! Hey. I didn't even know you were here. (walks over to him) And again with the non-medical clothing.","BEN: Well, actually, these are orthopedic pants. (Buffy just looks at him) Man, that sounded so funny in my head. Buffy laughs a little, then gives a louder fake laugh. Ben looks surprised.","BUFFY: It's very, very funny. It's funny in my head too.","BEN: (nods) You having a good time?","BUFFY: Yeah, I am. I was dancing earlier, and you know, my friends are here, so ... but, I mean, not that it's all about me. Are you enjoying yourself?","BEN: I am now.","BUFFY: So, um ... do you ... maybe ... wanna dance?","BEN: (nervous) I'm not really good. You know, rhythm. (Buffy looks disappointed) Uh, sure. I'd love to. (Buffy smiles) Let me just dump this. (indicating his drink) I'll be right back.","BUFFY: Okay. Ben walks off. Buffy stands by herself, looking nervous.","Cut to across the room. Xander and Anya are investigating the munchies.","ANYA: Look at these tiny grain patties. They're woven. That's craftsmanship. (eating Chex Mix)","XANDER: They aren't hand-woven, you know.","ANYA: Then how?","XANDER: Well, it's a, a machine, and it's ... it sorta .. it presses. He gets distracted, looking across the room. Shot of April entering.","XANDER: And there may be a mold of some sort ... who's that? Anya looks. April looks around the room.","APRIL: Warren? Shot of a guy in the crowd looking up nervously.","ANYA: Oh, that girl. Tara and I met her. We see the nervous boy behind Anya and Xander. As Anya speaks, he quickly slips away.","ANYA: She speaks with a strange evenness and selects her words a shade too precisely.","XANDER: Well, some of us like that kind of thing in a girl. Anya smiles at him.","APRIL: (OS) Warren?","Cut to the nervous guy (Warren) moving quickly through the crowd, going over to another girl (Katrina) who's sitting down.","KATRINA: Hi, did you get me a drink?","WARREN: We gotta go, she's gonna see me. He grabs Katrina's hand and pulls her up.","KATRINA: She who? What's up, Warren?","WARREN: It doesn't matter. Come on. He pulls her away.","Cut to April approaching random partygoers.","APRIL: Is Warren here? Willow walks past April and approaches Anya and Xander.","WILLOW: I thought you were getting the crunchies. (taking some Chex Mix)","ANYA: Xander got hypnotized by the strange girl. I am remaining calm, however. Shot of April looking through the crowd.","XANDER: Uh-uh, no, I'm, I'm right with you. You don't know what you're talking about. (quietly) Here she comes. April approaches them, still with her big smile.","APRIL: I heard that Warren was here. Is Warren here?","XANDER: Um, Warren who?","APRIL: He's ... Warren. And he's looking for me. He lost me. She walks away. Tara approaches the other scoobies. April goes over to some other random people.","APRIL: Is Warren here?","TARA: It's that girl again. Is she still looking for Warren? (the others nod) Weird, it's been like all day.","WILLOW: There's something strange about her. She talks funny.","ANYA: Some men find that appealing. She smiles at Xander, who smiles back, although he's still occupied watching April. Shot of April talking to still more random people.","APRIL: Have you guys seen Warren? Cut back to the Scoobies.","TARA: I just hope she finds him.","XANDER: Somehow I don't think a girl that looks like that's gonna be lonely for too long.","WILLOW: Definitely not. Willow grins and nods, then notices Tara, who frowns and folds her arms.","WILLOW: Oh, not me, I, I was just saying, a pretty girl like that, there's always someone lurking around, looking for some action. Tara looks mollified. Willow looks a little embarrassed.","Cut to Buffy still waiting for Ben. Spike walks up next to her. She doesn't notice him. Spike smirks, looks her up and down, and just stands there until Buffy turns and notices him.","SPIKE: Small world. (Buffy glares) Oh dear. If looks could stake. (Buffy continues glaring) You having fun, pet? You ... trolling for your next ex? (looks around) I gotta say, you can do better.","BUFFY: I told you, I wa-","SPIKE: Thought I was gonna leave town? It's a free country. Free party. (reaches for some snacks on the table, turns back to Buffy with a smirk) If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me. He eats a snack and smirks suggestively at Buffy. She looks disgusted.","BUFFY: Get away from me. Spike starts to say something, stops, nods and walks away, still smirking. Ben walks up to Buffy.","BEN: Was that guy bothering you? Should I, um, offer to get inappropriately violent or something?","BUFFY: (smiles) No.","BEN: (smiles) Good, 'cause, honestly, I don't wanna. Shot of Spike moving into the crowd, looking over at Buffy and Ben chatting.","BUFFY: So, are you ready to dance?","BEN: Um, first... (we see he's holding a small pink piece of paper)","BUFFY: What's that?","BEN: Uh, yeah, my phone number. (We see Spike in the background watching) I was gonna try to subtly work it into the conversation, but it didn't pan out, and I thought I should try to give it to you before you see me dance. He holds it out. Buffy takes it.","BEN: You know, in case you wanna get coffee.","BUFFY: Thank you. Um, I, I just, I-I think you should know that I ... (sighs) I kind of have this bad history in which, you know, we go get coffee, and, well, it all ends with, with you leaving town, and you just got here and everything...","BEN: Apparently we'd be risking a tragic chain reaction, but ... I just really like ... coffee. I think coffee might be worth it. And I would like to get to know ... coffee better. Buffy smiles.","BUFFY: Then I'll call you.","Cut to Spike looking annoyed, walking off. He comes upon April talking to another girl.","APRIL: Have you seen Warren?","GIRL: No, sorry. (walks off)","SPIKE: And who are you, darlin'?","APRIL: I'm April. Spike looks over at Buffy talking to Ben. Buffy looks over at Spike, quickly looks back at Ben.","APRIL: I'm looking for my fella.","SPIKE: Maybe you just found him.","APRIL: (excited) Really? Where? Spike grins, leans in and whispers in her ear. April looks angry.","APRIL: Oh! She grabs Spike by the front of his shirt and lifts him over her head.","SPIKE: Hey! Hey! Hey! Shot of Buffy and Ben looking over. Everyone in the area is staring at April and Spike.","APRIL: (still holding Spike over her head) That would be wrong. You are not my boyfriend! She throws him through a window, which shatters. Everyone stares. Shot of Buffy and Ben staring. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act II","[SCENE_BREAK]","Fade back in on the same scene. April and all the other partygoers watch as Spike gets up, broken glass falling all around him. He stands outside the dorm and looks in through the now glassless window.","SPIKE: Bloody hell! You threw me through a window! Shot of April just looking at him.","SPIKE: What's that about? Shot of Buffy and Ben moving closer to the action.","APRIL: You do not make those suggestions to me. I have a boyfriend. Warren is my boyfriend.","SPIKE: You know what? My bleeding sympathies to Warren. Spike walks off. April turns away from the window. The onlookers move back a bit.","APRIL: No one but Warren can touch me. She begins to walk off. Buffy intercepts her.","BUFFY: Excuse me. Hi. Um, uh, maybe you and I could talk. You know, 'cause, throwing Spike through a window, (pauses, grins) well, that's really good... (stops smiling) um, but, you know, generally speaking-","APRIL: Do you know my boyfriend?","BUFFY: Okay. I think you need to take a second and stop looking for your boyfriend. April grabs Buffy by the upper arms and flings her backwards. She flies back several yards and lands on the floor with an expression of pain, grabbing her arm.","APRIL: (OS) I have to find him. April walks over to where Buffy is sitting up, clutching her arm in pain.","APRIL: If I hurt you just now, I'm sorry. And I hope that your boyfriend will take good care of you. April walks off as Ben, Xander, Willow, Anya, and Tara rush over to Buffy. Buffy pouts sadly as she watches April leave.","Cut to: a student lounge in the dorm. Buffy is pacing, still holding her arm. The Scoobies are sitting in various chairs.","BUFFY: Ow. I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me.","TARA: Well, at least she didn't do too much damage.","XANDER: Are you kidding? Double-glazed windows ain't cheap. And the jamb needs to be completely repaired. (pauses) Oh dear god, I'm the grownup who sees the world through my job. I'm like my uncle Dave the plumber. I must be shunned.","WILLOW: Okay.","BUFFY: So, what do you guys think she is? I mean, this may sound nuts, but I kinda got the impression that she was a-","TARA: Robot. Everyone nods in complete agreement.","XANDER: Oh yeah, robot.","BUFFY: Yeah, I was gonna say robot. What do you think she wants?","TARA: Warren, whoever that is.","XANDER: It's gotta be the guy that built her.","WILLOW: It's an unusual name. There's hardly any except ... Warren Beatty and, you know, President Harding. It-it's probably not either of them.","BUFFY: Will, can you track down this guy with only a first name?","WILLOW: (nods) Given enough time. I can get a list of the Sunnydale students named Warren tonight, but ... then we'll have to call them or go to their dorms, so we probably can't start narrowing it down till tomorrow. Buffy frowns.","ANYA: She could do a lot of damage by then.","XANDER: To who, Spike? See how vigorously I don't care. (Buffy smiles) She was looking for this Warren, but it didn't sound like she wanted to hurt him. She said he's her boyfriend.","WILLOW: I agree. I'm not sure this is a code red. Hey, is there a code pink? We need more codes. (Tara smiles at her)","BUFFY: Okay. We'll track down Warren tomorrow. Tonight I better go rescue Giles. He's been watching Dawn while my mom's out on her date, and I have a feeling there's only so much he can take.","TARA: Oh, Giles and Dawnie? I bet they ended up having a blast.","Cut to: Giles and Buffy standing in the Summers foyer, by the open door.","GILES: Dear god, Buffy, there's only so much I can take. We're going to have to change the system. A fourteen-year-old's too old to be babysat, and it's not fair on her.","BUFFY: (nods, grins) What'd she make you do?","GILES: Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance ... then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.","BUFFY: (laughs) I'm sorry. I'm very very sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my \"fun time Buffy party night\" involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window, (Giles looks interested) so if you wanna trade... (pauses) No ... wait ... I wouldn't give that memory up for anything.","GILES: A robot? Sounds interesting.","BUFFY: We're gonna work on it in the morning. I mean, unless you wanna stay for a while, and then you and I could- Joyce appears behind Giles, entering the house with a big smile.","JOYCE: Who wants to hear everything?","BUFFY: ...listen to my mom talk about boys.","GILES: (quickly) Right, must go. See you tomorrow. Bye Joyce. (leaves)","JOYCE: Bye Rupert. Joyce closes the door behind Giles, turns and gives Buffy a big smile.","JOYCE: Gosh, I'd forgotten how much fun dating can be.","BUFFY: (smiles) I don't know. I was standing right here. I didn't see Prince Charming. I didn't even see a goodnight kiss. Joyce smiles, walks past Buffy to put her purse down.","BUFFY: It all looked pretty tame to me.","JOYCE: Well, I suppose by your standards it could seem pretty ... (pauses) Oh dear.","BUFFY: What?","JOYCE: I left my bra in his car. Buffy looks shocked and horrified.","BUFFY: Mother!","JOYCE: I'm joking.","BUFFY: (sighs) Good god, that's horrible. Don't do that.","JOYCE: I left it in the restaurant. Buffy puts her hands over her ears and starts running up the stairs.","BUFFY: No more! No more! No more!","JOYCE: (yelling up the stairs at her) On the dessert cart!","BUFFY: (OS, faintly) I can't hear you!","Cut to: exterior aerial shot of Sunnydale, night. Sound of knocking.","Cut to: April standing on the front porch of a house. The porch light comes on. A man opens the door, looking sleepy.","SLEEPY GUY: Yeah? What?","APRIL: (big smile) Hi! Does Warren live here?","SLEEPY GUY: What the hell - what are you doing, it's 3:30!","APRIL: Yes, it is! Does Warren live here? The guy gives her an angry look, slams the door in her face.","APRIL: Okay then. Bye. She walks down the steps, across the lawn, and over to the next house. Knocks on that door.","Cut to: magic shop, day. Buffy and the scoobies sit around the table. Giles stands next to it. Willow is using her computer (iBook).","GILES: And you're certain she was a robot?","BUFFY: Absolutely.","TARA: Well, she practically had \"Genuine Molded Plastic\" stamped on her ass. Giles and Willow give her looks.","TARA: Just ... tryin' a little spicy talk. (Willow smiles)","ANYA: She was looking for someone named Warren.","BUFFY: Willow's already checked the Sunnydale enrollment.","WILLOW: And got nothin'. I found one Warren, but he moved out of the country a year ago. I'm checking nearby schools.","XANDER: Whoever he is, he knows his stuff. That girl, well... (Buffy looks at him) that was a nice-lookin' girl. Tara gives Xander a dubious look.","ANYA: It's okay for him to say that, 'cause I know that he really loves me only. Xander leans over to take Anya's hand. Buffy watches this a little sadly.","GILES: (OS) Is there something the rest of us could be doing?","XANDER: What can we do?","TARA: Oh, do you have any books on robots?","GILES: Oh, yes, dozens. There's an enormous amount of research we should do before - no, I'm lying. I haven't got squat, I just like to see Xander squirm.","XANDER: (fake laugh) Funny. Charming and funny.","WILLOW: Hey! I think I found him. A Warren Mears. He went to Sunnydale High with us for a semester, and then he went to the tech college over in Dutton. I've got a local address where his folks still live. (writing it down)","TARA: He's probably home for spring break.","BUFFY: Well, I'll go talk to him. (takes the paper from Willow)","GILES: No no no no no, wait, we don't know what you're walking into. (looks behind him, notices a customer standing by the counter) Uh, we have no idea what his motive is for building this thing. (stands)","TARA: Um ... don't you think se's just... (makes insinuating face)","WILLOW: Yeah ... she's just sort of a... (makes the same face)","XANDER: She's a sexbot. (to Giles) I mean, what guy doesn't dream about that? Giles walks off to help the customer.","XANDER: (wistfully) Beautiful girl with ... no other thought but to please you ... willing to do anything... He looks up. Shots of the four girls staring at him. Xander laughs nervously.","XANDER: Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but... (clears throat) he'd get it. (Willow turns her attention back to the computer)","ANYA: Why would anyone do that if they could have a real live person?","WILLOW: Maybe he couldn't. Find a real person.","BUFFY: Oh, come on. The guy's just a big wedge of sleaze, don't make excuses for him. Giles finishes helping the customer and returns to sit with them.","WILLOW: I'm not, I'm just saying, people get lonely, and maybe having someone around, even someone you made up ... maybe it's easier. Shot of Buffy looking pensive.","TARA: But it's so weird. I mean, everyone wants a nice normal person to share with, but this guy, if he couldn't find that, I guess it's ... kinda sad. Shot of Buffy staring at her hands.","Cut to Buffy walking into the workout room, looking at the piece of paper with Ben's phone number on it. She sighs, picks up the phone, puts it down, picks it up again.","Cut to: Glory's apartment. We see Glory from the chest up, bare shoulders. She's sweaty and gasping, breathing rhythmically. The phone begins to ring. Glory morphs into Ben. He's panting too. He picks up the phone.","BEN: (breathlessly) Hello? Cut back to workout room.","BUFFY: Hey. Ben, it, it's Buffy. Is this a bad time? I know it's kinda early. Cut back to Glory's apartment.","BEN: No, I just ... I just got in is all. Night shift at the hospital. I'm glad you called. Cut back to workout room.","BUFFY: Well, I found your number in my pocket, and, you know, figured I'd pick up the phone a couple of times, and then hang up, and then finally call, and see if maybe you wanted to get that cup of coffee, or... Cut back to Glory's apartment. We still see Ben only from the shoulders up.","BEN: Yeah, yes. Coffee would be great. ... Tomorrow night? Sure. Bye. He hangs up, smiling. He puts his hands on his hips, frowns, looks down. Long shot of Ben standing in the middle of the apartment wearing a short strapless red dress. He sighs.","BEN: (annoyed) Fine.","Cut to: exterior shot of a house, day.","Cut to inside. Warren is stuffing piles of clothing into a bag. Katrina watches.","KATRINA: But we just got here. If you don't wanna be here, why didn't we just stay in Dutton? Or we could have gone to my sister's.","WARREN: (walks around the room gathering up more stuff) Katrina, I don't wanna hear about your sister's place again. Pack your stuff now.","KATRINA: Why the rush? It's real early. Are we even gonna say goodbye to your mom?","WARREN: (packing) Uh, you can call her.","KATRINA: Warren. Is something going on you don't want me to see?","WARREN: Katrina, um, if you don't wanna pack, that's fine. We can buy new stuff. Now let's just go! He grabs the bag and Katrina's hand, and leads her to the door. Warren opens the door to discover Buffy, standing on the step with her fist upraised to knock. She frowns in surprise.","BUFFY: (to Warren) I have to talk to you.","KATRINA: Who's this?","WARREN: (to Buffy) Is this about her?","BUFFY: Yes.","KATRINA: Her who? Warren, something's going on here. Strange girls...","WARREN: Katrina, please be quiet, okay, this is important. Wait in the kitchen.","KATRINA: And I'm not important? Warren, just tell her to go away.","WARREN: (looks at Buffy) I can't.","KATRINA: You're keeping secrets from me. Other girls, and who knows what else?","WARREN: Trina, shut up.","KATRINA: That's it. Forget it, Warren. I'm gone. She walks out past Buffy and away.","WARREN: No, Katrina! Ahhh... Buffy shrugs, walks inside.","BUFFY: My name is Buffy Summers. We were at Sunnydale High together. Do you know who I am?","WARREN: Yes, I know. Um, April, did she hurt someone?","BUFFY: Not yet. (thinks) Well, no one that matters.","WARREN: She's looking for me. You know, uh, she followed me here.","BUFFY: Okay, kind of figured that out.","WARREN: No, no, there's more. Uh, there's something you need to know about her.","BUFFY: I know.","WARREN: No, wait, this is important.","BUFFY: Believe me, I, I worked it out.","WARREN: No, this is something, uh, that you can't possibly know. Buffy folds her arms and nods to him to continue. Zoom in dramatically on Warren taking a deep breath.","WARREN: She's a robot. Buffy looks at him as if expecting more.","BUFFY: Uh-huh. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act III","[SCENE_BREAK]","Fade in on the magic shop. Willow, Dawn, Tara, and Xander are walking from the back of the store toward the front.","DAWN: A robot? Really? Was it Ted? 'Cause I always said there could have been more than one of him.","WILLOW: Nope, whole new robot. This one was a girl.","XANDER: Buffy's busy tracking down the guy that made her, (puts hand on the doorknob) so I'll drop you off at school, and if she's not finished, then-","SPIKE: (OS) Coming through! Coming through. As Xander opens the door, Spike runs in, holding a blanket over himself. The blanket is on fire. The others jump back. We see Giles and Anya in the background. Spike drops the blanket on the floor and stomps out the fire.","SPIKE: Fire! Fire! The others stare at him. Giles comes forward. We see Anya in the background. We can see that Spike still has a bunch of small cuts on his face and neck from being thrown through the window.","SPIKE: Hello, all. What's going on then?","GILES: Spike, you're not welcome here.","WILLOW: Yeah, and by the way, we're working on a way to de-invite you from here. (Spike looks surprised) Even if it is a public place.","XANDER: Nah, forget it. Letting him in is good, 'cause then we get to toss him out.","ANYA: Ooh, can we throw him out the window like the robot did? 'Cause that was neat.","SPIKE: Robot? That's what she was? (scoffs) Knew something wasn't right. (looks over at Dawn, who's standing behind Tara) Hey. Someone's glad to see me, aren't you, little bit?","DAWN: Stay away from me.","TARA: I think you better go. (steps in front of Dawn and folds her arms)","SPIKE: Okay, now, I was afraid of this. Misrepresentations, misunderstandings, slurs and allegations. I don't know what Buffy told you, but the thing is, the Slayer and I worked together, side by side, to get rid of Dru. Who was up to no good. And I don't mind telling you-","GILES: (takes off his glasses, moves closer to Spike) Spike ... listen to me.","SPIKE: It's just ... I'm trying to explain. She might have said some things that sounded like I expressed some kind of feeling- Giles shoves Spike backward. He stumbles into a bookshelf. Giles walks slowly up to him, glaring angrily.","GILES: (softly) We are not your friends. We are not your way to Buffy. (Spike stares at him) There is no way to Buffy. Giles leans over, picks up the blanket and slams it into Spike's chest. He leans in close and looks Spike in the eye.","GILES: Clear out of here. And Spike, this thing ... get over it.","SPIKE: (small smile) I don't know what you mean.","GILES: Yes, you do. Move the hell on. The others just watch. Spike takes a deep breath as if he's going to say something. Giles gives him a steely glare. Spike puts the blanket over his head and exits.","Cut to: the coffee shop on Sunnydale's main street, day. April walks up to a group of four young men sitting at a table.","APRIL: I'm looking for my boyfriend Warren.","COFFEE GUY 1: What?","APRIL: He comes from here and I need him. But ... it's confusing, and I've already walked a really long way. I'm sure he's nearby.","COFFEE GUY 1: Oh, Warren! You're looking for Warren?","APRIL: Yes! Do you know him? Do you know where he is?","COFFEE GUY 1: Man, let me think.","APRIL: Please think.","COFFEE GUY 1: Geez, this is too bad, you, you just missed him.","APRIL: (pouts) Yes? Where did he go?","COFFEE GUY 1: Warren? Uh, he headed out. (points) Uh, that way. Hurry, you might catch him.","APRIL: (relieved sigh) Oh, thank you. I was getting very tired. Thank you. She hurries off. The guys watch her go, then look at Coffee Guy 1.","COFFEE GUY 2: Who's Warren?","COFFEE GUY 1: Hell if I know. They all laugh.","Cut to: exterior shot of Warren's house, day.","BUFFY VOICEOVER: So you have girl troubles.","Cut to inside. Buffy sits on the sofa while Warren paces.","BUFFY: They're not talking to you, you're not gettin' dates ... you start thinking, \"hey, this isn't fair.\"","WARREN: Yeah, I mean, I felt like I deserved to have someone. You know, I mean, everyone deserves to have someone.","BUFFY: So naturally you turned to manufacturing.","WARREN: Kinda.","BUFFY: And how long did it take to build yourself that little toy?","WARREN: Oh, no, she's not a toy. I mean, I know what you're thinking, but she's more than that.","BUFFY: I'm sure she has many exciting labor-saving attachments.","WARREN: No, I made her to love me.","Cut to: April walking down the street, day.","WARREN VOICEOVER: I mean, she cares about what I care about, and she wants to be with me. She listens to me and supports me. Cut back to Warren's house.","WARREN: I didn't make a toy. I made a girlfriend.","BUFFY: A girlfriend. Are you saying ... are you in love with her?","WARREN: I really thought I would be.","Cut to April walking down more streets, looking around.","WARREN VOICEOVER: I mean, she's perfect. I don't know, I ... I guess it was too easy. And predictable. Cut back to Warren's house.","WARREN: You know, she got boring. (Buffy rolls her eyes) She was exactly what I wanted, and I didn't want her. (laughs crazily) I thought I was going crazy.","BUFFY: Really? You?","WARREN: Then something happened. (sits next to her) Katrina was in my engineering seminar, and she was really funny and cool. You know, she was always givin' me a hard time, real ... unpredictable. She builds these little model monorails that run with magnets, and ... (pauses, looks at Buffy) Anyway. (shrugs) I fell in love with Katrina.","BUFFY: Swell. Romance and magnetic trains. But first you decided to take April out of the box...","Cut to April still walking.","BUFFY VOICEOVER: ...play with her for five minutes, and then what? You got bored, decided to dump her, tell her to go away? Cut back to the house.","WARREN: Kinda.","BUFFY: And she got mad. She didn't go, huh?","WARREN: Okay, I didn't really dump her, as much as I, uh, went out, and, uh, didn't come back. (Buffy stares) I left her, I ... left her in my dorm room.","BUFFY: (angry) You left her in your dorm room?!","WARREN: Well, I figured I could just kinda get away until her batteries gave out. Which should have been days ago.","BUFFY: Did you even tell her? I mean, did you even give her a chance to fix what was wrong?","WARREN: I didn't need to fix anything. I mean, her batteries were supposed to run down. Really, they should be completely dead by now.","BUFFY: So why aren't they?","WARREN: I don't, I don't know. I mean, maybe ... uh, she must be recharging them somehow.","BUFFY: Warren, this is important. Is she dangerous?","WARREN: She's only programmed to be in love.","BUFFY: Then she's dangerous. Do you have any idea how to find her?","WARREN: Well, she's looking for me, so my guess is she's probably pretty close.","Cut to: Katrina walking along quickly, approaching a children's playground. April intercepts her.","APRIL: Hi! Katrina stares, then makes a disgusted noise and tries to walk around April. April moves to block her path.","APRIL: Do you know where Warren is? I need to get to Warren.","KATRINA: This is getting insane, how many of you are there?","APRIL: There's only me. April.","KATRINA: April. Fine. (angrily) Listen up, April. Warren is my boyfriend. Mine. And you others probably oughta figure that out. April grabs Katrina by the upper arm.","KATRINA: Ow. Ow! Let go! (struggles but April holds on)","APRIL: Don't go. You have to stay and tell the truth. April pulls Katrina toward her, turns her around and wraps her arms around Katrina, pinning her arms to her sides. April locks her hands together over Katrina's stomach and squeezes. Katrina gasps for air.","APRIL: You're lying. He cannot be your boyfriend. Say that he's my boyfriend.","KATRINA: (gasping) I can't ... I can't breathe. Let go!","APRIL: You have to stop lying. Katrina continues gasping and choking.","Cut to: a box. A pile of photos of Buffy flies into view and lands in the box. Pan up to find Spike dismantling his Buffy Shrine, throwing the pictures into the box with angry motions. He grabs the blonde wig off of the mannequin and tosses it, along with Buffy's blue cashmere sweater, into the box.","SPIKE: Bloody right, I'll move on.","Cut to: Buffy and Warren walking along the street.","WARREN: (yelling) April! April, are you there? (normal voice) If the batteries are still working and she hears my voice, then ... she'll answer.","BUFFY: She's voice-activated?","WARREN: Well, I made it so that if she heard me and she didn't answer, it causes this kind of feedback.","BUFFY: Wait, if you call her and she doesn't answer, it hurts her? (he looks embarrassed) You're one creepy little dweeb, Warren.","WARREN: (yells) April! Close shot of April's face.","APRIL: Warren! Buffy and Warren stop walking, look shocked.","WARREN: April. We see April standing there holding Katrina by the neck. Katrina's feet are not touching the ground and she appears to be unconscious.","APRIL: Where have you been? I couldn't find you, and this girl kept lying to me, and ... then she went to sleep. Buffy and Warren stare in dismay. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act IV","[SCENE_BREAK]","Fade back in on the same scene.","WARREN: April, what did you do?","APRIL: (looks at Katrina, back at Warren) Please don't be angry, Warren. I'm trying very hard to make you happy.","BUFFY: April. I want you to put the girl down.","APRIL: Warren? What should I do? Warren hesitates.","BUFFY: (to Warren) Talk to her!","WARREN: Pu-put her down!","APRIL: Okay.","WARREN: This is Buffy. Give Katrina to Buffy. April lowers Katrina. Buffy and Warren carry Katrina to a nearby bench and lie her down.","APRIL: Is she broken? Buffy feels Katrina's neck for a pulse.","BUFFY: She's alive. Warren looks relieved, moves toward April.","APRIL: Warren, honey, what's going on? Why did you go away? Is it a game?","WARREN: No. No, this isn't a game.","APRIL: Did I do something wrong? (Buffy watches, still sitting on the bench holding Katrina's head) I waited a long time and you never came back. A long time. I made you five sweaters.","WARREN: That's great, you could go back and get them. So you could wait there, and-","BUFFY: Warren! (he looks back at her) You have to tell her. And do it right. Warren looks nervously at April.","APRIL: What is she saying, Warren? What do you need to tell me?","WARREN: (stammers) April, I made a mistake.","APRIL: (laughs) You can't make mistakes.","WARREN: No, I did.","Cut to image of Warren from April's point of view. It's like a blue computer screen with Warren's face in a circle in the middle. Along the top left is a list labeled \"Directives.\" The lists consists of \"mk warren hpy.fld\", \"locate_warren.fld\", and \"protect warren.fld\". Along the top right is another list under the heading \"LOCATE WARREN\" with a line connecting \"locate_warren.fld\" on the left to the list on the right. The right-hand list reads: favorite_places.gfd phne #'s.gfd scent.gfd questions.gfd gps tracking.gfd clues.gfd *end of list* At the lower left are the words \"recognition module.\" As Warren talks, underneath the heading \"recognition module\" appears the word \"WARREN\" and then \"boyfriend.\" The \"locate warren\" list disappears and is replaced by a list connected to the \"mk warren hpy\" directive: kissing_01.gfd kissing_02.gfd lstn sympthtc.gfd gv_hm_prsnts.gfd sex01.gfd sex02.gfd sex03.gfd sex04.gfd praise.gfd neckrubs.gfd fetish_01.gfd fetish_02.gfd fetish_03.gfd positions01.gfd positions02.gfd positions03.gfd positions04.gfd positions05.gfd positions06.gfd The list of positions continues off the bottom of the screen. Meanwhile, underneath \"Warren\" and \"Boyfriend\" appear other identifiers: really smart handsome best lover snappy dresser good dancer All of this appears while Warren is talking.","WARREN: (in computer display) I thought that I made you everything that I wanted, but it wasn't really what I wanted.","Cut to shot of April reacting. Cut back to the display.","WARREN: (in computer display) I'm sorry, bu-but it's over. Cut back to April smiling.","APRIL: But ... I can be whatever you want. I love you. I'll do whatever you want. Would you like a neckrub? She moves forward reaching for Warren's neck. He fends her off.","WARREN: No, hey, no. See, I - I know that you love me, but the truth is, I can't love you. (April frowns) I mean, it's not your fault, but... Cut back to the computer display.","WARREN: I don't love you. The display goes blurry for a moment, then reappears with the \"locate warren\" list. A red dot appears on the image of Warren's face, and at the bottom of the screen, in red letters, the words COMBAT MODE ENABLED. The display turns green and a shrill alarm begins to sound. The image of Warren's face looks fearful.","WARREN: I love her! He quickly moves out of the way and the image focuses on Buffy behind him, sitting on the bench. The alarm continues. The red dot is now centered on Buffy's chest.","Cut to April. She growls.","BUFFY: She growls? You made her so she growls?","WARREN: Well... April grabs Buffy and flings her away. She lands on some grass, gets up as April approaches. April goes over to a see-saw and lifts one end of it. She brings her arm down on the middle of the board so it snaps in half. Buffy looks alarmed. April swings the piece of wood at Buffy, who grabs it. They grapple. Buffy kicks April in the stomach and she stumbles back, grabbing the bench to steady herself. We see Katrina still lying on the bench and Warren in the background. Buffy swings the piece of wood but April gets out of the way and it slams down on the bench, awaking Katrina, who sits up. Buffy swings again and hits April in the stomach, tearing away her dress and exposing machinery in her stomach.","KATRINA: What's going on?","WARREN: No, no, Trina- Shot of April's inner workings sparking.","WARREN: Get away. Katrina gets up and backs away from the fight, toward Warren. Buffy swings the wood at April again and April grabs it, pulls it out of Buffy's hands, tosses it away and punches Buffy. Buffy flies backward and lands on her back, turns it into a backflip and gets up. She ducks a punch and lands another one on April.","KATRINA: (clutching her throat) What is ... what ... that's a robot! (sound of fighting continues)","WARREN: (watching the fight) She wasn't just for s*x.","KATRINA: Is that ... is that your ex-girlfriend?","WARREN: (looks at her) I...","KATRINA: No, get the hell away from me! She starts to run off. Warren runs after her.","WARREN: No, no, no, Trina, no, Trina, wait... Buffy and April continue exchanging punches and head-butts. Buffy kicks April, who falls down in the sand next to a swing set. Buffy grabs the chains holding a swing up and uses them to hold her up while she kicks April in the face, then hits her with the swing itself. April grabs Buffy by the throat and lifts her off the ground as Buffy struggles and gasps for air.","APRIL: You took my man. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to ... (pauses) I can't ... can't crush! So ... tired. She lets go of Buffy, who coughs and gasps as April stares at her own hand.","APRIL: (anxious) Warren? Where are you? What's happening to me? Her hand slowly drops to her side. There's a sound like machinery powering down. Buffy stares.","Cut to: a little later. Pan across the playground to find Buffy and April sitting on the swings side by side. April is leaning against the chain as it's the only thing holding her up.","BUFFY: Can you cry? Sometimes I feel better when I cry. But ... there might be rust issues.","APRIL: Crying is blackmail. Good girlfriends don't cry.","BUFFY: Oh.","APRIL: I rechecked everything. I did everything I was supposed to do. I was a good girlfriend.","BUFFY: I'm sure you were.","APRIL: I'm only supposed to love him. If I can't do that, what am I for? What do I exist for?","BUFFY: I don't know. (shakes head) It isn't fair. He wasn't fair to you. April looks around, moving only her eyes.","APRIL: It's getting dark. Buffy looks around too. It looks as sunny as ever.","APRIL: It's so early to be dark.","BUFFY: (softly) Yeah.","APRIL: What if he comes back and he can't find me in the dark?","BUFFY: I'm here. I'll make sure that he finds you.","APRIL: (smiles) Maybe this is a girlfriend test. If I wait here patiently this time, he'll come back.","BUFFY: I'm sure he will. And he'll ... he'll tell you how sorry he is. (pauses) You know, he told me ... how proud he was of you and ... how impressed he was with how much you loved him and how you tried to help him. (April smiles happily) He didn't mean to hurt you.","APRIL: He's going to take me home, and things will be right again.","BUFFY: (nods) It'll be fine.","APRIL: (still smiling) When things are sad ... you just have to be patient. (Her speech begins to slow) Because ... because every ... cloud has a silver lining. And ... when life ... gives you lemons ... make ... lemonade.","BUFFY: Clouds and lemonade, huh?","APRIL: Yes. And ... and ... (her voice gets deeper like a tape running too slow) things are ... always ... darkest ... before... She stops, frozen with a small smile on her face. Her eyes stay open. Buffy looks at her with a frown, then looks down pensively. The camera pulls up and out to a wide aerial shot as Buffy turns away, then turns back, still sitting on the swing next to April.","Cut to: Xander fixing the window in the dorm, wearing a toolbelt. He pushes some small chips of wood underneath the bottom of the new window.","XANDER: See, you construct the wood jamb and frame the glass into it, and that's what you set into the opening. We see Buffy sitting nearby, watching.","BUFFY: Yeah?","XANDER: One of the cool things about that, you see is, uh, the jamb can be shimmed to be square, even if the opening isn't.","BUFFY: Shimmed? Is that even a real word? Do you have any idea what you're talking about?","XANDER: Yeah, I do. (smiles) Scary, isn't it? I think I've actually turned into someone you want around after a crazed robot attack.","BUFFY: And if you ever start your own business, you have your slogan right there. (pauses, looks thoughtful) And she wasn't crazed.","XANDER: (skeptical) Yeah?)","BUFFY: She devoted everything to making this one person happy. And then it was like, with him gone, there was just ... no reason for her to exist any more.","XANDER: Robots are the strangest people.","BUFFY: No ... people are the strangest people. (she looks down as Xander continues working) I mean, look at me obsessing about being with someone. It's like ... I don't need a guy right now. I need me. I need to get comfortable being alone with Buffy.","XANDER: Well, I'll say this, she's a pretty cool person to be alone with.","BUFFY: (smiles) Thank you. Xander turns back to the window again. Buffy picks up the piece of paper with Ben's phone number on it, looks at it, bites her lip.","Cut to: a moment later. Pan across Xander still working on the window. Pan over to Buffy talking into a pay phone.","BUFFY: Hi, it's Buffy. Um, I hope this is your machine, there, there wasn't a message. Anyway, um, about coffee. I, um ... I just ... I don't think this is the best time for me to be ... drinking...","Cut to Glory's apartment. We see the answering machine sitting there on the table.","BUFFY: (on machine) ...coffee. Um, I'm sorry. And, um, bye. Pan up to Glory, wearing a sparkly gold dress, with her arms crossed over her chest, listening.","GLORY: What the hell? We see Jinx behind her.","JINX: If I may, your inconceivableness, it sounds to these humble ears like our Ben tried to make a date with the Slayer.","GLORY: (confused) A date with the Slayer? No. No. (shakes her head firmly) No, no, no. He is planning something, he's working against me. Jinx shrugs. Glory frowns, looks from him to the answering machine and back again.","GLORY: (pouting) She turned us down?","Cut to: Warren's house. Warren is talking on the cordless phone, moving around, packing.","WARREN: Trina, no, wait, listen, listen, I'm so sorry. I guess I asked- No, no, just give me a chance to explain, I ... Yes! No, but she - no, no, listen, listen, I'll do anything, just, no, no, don't hang up! He sighs, goes to hang up the phone. Turns around and gasps in shock as he sees Spike standing behind him, holding the box full of Buffy Shrine stuff.","WARREN: How, how'd you get in here?","SPIKE: Your mum let me in. (walks closer) I'm placing an order.","WARREN: Oh, no, no, I'm not making any more girls.","SPIKE: Sure you are. (shoves the box into Warren's hands) Here's your specs. Shot of the box full of Buffy photos and the Buffy wig. Warren stares at Spike.","SPIKE: You're gonna make her real good for me. (smiles)","Cut to: Buffy entering her home.","BUFFY: (calling) Hey, Mom. She turns, sees some flowers on the table beside the door.","BUFFY: Ooh. She opens the card that came with the flowers. Shot of the card, which reads: \"Thank you for a lovely evening. See you soon? Brian.\"","BUFFY: (to herself) Still a couple of guys gettin' it right. She turns to call up the stairs, putting down her jacket.","BUFFY: (calls) Hey. Flower-gettin' lady. Want me to pick Dawn up from school? In the background, on the living room sofa, we can see someone or something, but it's out of focus; the focus is on Buffy in the foreground. Buffy frowns, looks down the hall toward the kitchen.","BUFFY: Mom? She turns and looks in the living room.","BUFFY: What are you doing? She walks into the living room, stops. Shot of Joyce lying on the sofa. Her eyes are open, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. One arm hangs loosely over the edge of the sofa. She does not move or blink.","BUFFY: (quieter) Mom? (even quieter) Mom? (very quietly) Mommy? Blackout.","Executive Producer: Joss Whedon."],"Show Title":"Buffy the Vampire Slayer","Episode Number":"05x15","Episode Title":"I Was Made To Love You","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_05x16.json","Recap":["Buffy and the gang are crushed by the death of Joyce. Dawn goes to the morgue to see the body and is attacked by a vampire. Buffy saves her and watches as Dawn reaches to touch Joyce."],"Transcript":["\u2022I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. \u2022I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. \u2022You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) \u2022I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Note: \"Previously on Buffy\" was not shown at the beginning of this episode.","The episode opens with a rollback to the end of \"I Was Made To Love You.\" Buffy enters her home.","BUFFY: (calling) Hey, Mom. She turns, sees some flowers on the table beside the door.","BUFFY: Ooh. She opens the card that came with the flowers. Shot of the card, which reads: \"Thank you for a _lovely_ evening. See you soon? Brian.\"","BUFFY: (to herself) Still a couple of guys gettin' it right. She turns to call up the stairs, putting down her jacket.","BUFFY: (calls) Hey. Flower-gettin' lady. Want me to pick Dawn up from school? In the background, on the living room sofa, we can see someone or something, but it's out of focus; the focus is on Buffy in the foreground. Buffy frowns, looks down the hall toward the kitchen.","BUFFY: Mom? She turns and looks in the living room.","BUFFY: What are you doing? She walks into the living room, stops. Shot of Joyce lying on the sofa. Her eyes are open, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. One arm hangs loosely over the edge of the sofa. She does not move or blink.","BUFFY: (quieter) Mom? (even quieter) Mom? (very quietly) Mommy? Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Randy Thompson, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written and directed by Joss Whedon.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act I","[SCENE_BREAK]","NOTE: There is no background music at all in this episode.","Open on the Summers dining room. Christmas lights are lit around the walls and candles are burning all around. On the left side of the table are Buffy, Anya, and Xander. On the right are Dawn, Willow, and Tara. Giles sits at one end, Joyce at the other end. As the scene opens, Buffy and Joyce stand up.","JOYCE: I think we're just about ready for pie. (She and Buffy begin clearing dishes)","XANDER: Then I'll be pretty much ready for barf.","BUFFY: Xander!","XANDER: No, no, (to Joyce) barf from the eating. 'Cause all was good, and too much goodness...","JOYCE: I'm taking it as a compliment.","GILES: Yes, uh, everything was delicious. (stands to help clear)","ANYA: Yes, I'm going to barf too. Joyce smiles wryly as she carries a pile of dirty dishes past Anya toward the kitchen.","JOYCE: (sarcastic) Everyone's so sweet. Joyce, Giles, and Buffy exit. Xander looks to see if Joyce is angry, then turns back to the table.","XANDER: How you doing there, Will, are you in the vomit club too?","WILLOW: (groaning) I had too much nog.","TARA: (sympathetic) Oh, baby, want me to rub your tummy? (to the others) She likes it when I ... (pauses, quietly) stop explaining things.","DAWN: My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it.","WILLOW: That's bad.","XANDER: Yeah, now Santa's gonna pass you right by, naughty booze hound. Tara and Dawn giggle.","WILLOW: Santa always passes me by. Something puts him off. Could be the big honkin' menorah.","TARA: (to Dawn) Oh, did you write him a letter?","XANDER: What'd you ask for?","DAWN: Um, guys, hello, puberty? Sorta figured out the whole no Santa thing.","ANYA: That's a myth.","DAWN: Yeah.","ANYA: No, I mean, it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus. Everyone looks surprised.","XANDER: The advantage of having a thousand-year-old girlfriend. (turns to Anya) Inside scoop.","TARA: There's a Santa Claus?","ANYA: Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. He wasn't always called Santa, but you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney -- all true.","DAWN: (smiles hopefully) All true? Buffy re-enters and begins clearing more dishes.","ANYA: Well, he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as, you know, disemboweled children, but otherwise...","TARA: The reindeer part was nice. The camera follows Buffy as, smiling, she carries dishes into the kitchen. We see Giles doing something by the counter and Joyce taking something out of the oven.","JOYCE: Damn it! I hate this oven. It burnt. She puts a pie on the kitchen island.","BUFFY: Oh, no, it's just blackened, you know, it's, it's Cajun pie. Giles turns and we see he's holding a bottle of wine.","GILES: (to Joyce) Shall I open another?","JOYCE: Oh, do you think we dare?","BUFFY: As long as you two stay away from the band candy, I'm cool with anything. Joyce and Giles look embarrassed. Giles clears his throat, grabs the bottle opener and moves off, out of the picture frame. Buffy begins examining the burnt pie.","JOYCE: (quietly to Buffy) You are a demon child.","BUFFY: I live to torment you, is that so wrong?","JOYCE: A daughter's duty, I suppose. (kisses Buffy on the forehead)","BUFFY: Look, all we have to do is just cut off a little bit of the burnt... As she begins trying to cut the pie, it falls off the island and onto the floor. Cut back to present day. Shot of Joyce's face as she lies on the sofa, her eyes open and unseeing. Buffy rushes over and begins shaking Joyce by the shoulders.","BUFFY: Mom! Mom! Mom Mom Mom- She repeats the word many times and then shouts it in Joyce's face, getting no reaction. Buffy gets up, panting and sniffling. The camera follows her into the kitchen where she picks up the phone and dials 911. She fidgets anxiously while it rings.","911 OPERATOR: 911 emergency.","BUFFY: Hello?","911 OPERATOR: Do you have...","BUFFY: My mom, she, she's not breathing.","911 OPERATOR: Is she conscious?","BUFFY: (moving back into living room) No. I-I-I can't, she, she's not breathing.","911 OPERATOR: OK, I need you to give me your address.","BUFFY: What?","911 OPERATOR: I'm gonna send an ambulance over.","BUFFY: Si-Sixteen thirty Rivelo, it-it's a house, Rivelo near Hadley.","911 OPERATOR: I'm sending a unit right away. Are you alone in the house?","BUFFY: Yes.","911 OPERATOR: Well, did you see what happened, did she fall?","BUFFY: No, no, I-I came home and she-what should I do?","911 OPERATOR: Do you know how to administer CPR?","BUFFY: (upset) No, I don't remember.","911 OPERATOR: Okay, it's very simple. You wanna tilt your mother's head back. Cover her mouth with yours, and breathe into her mouth. The operator continues talking but Buffy drops the phone to her side and moves toward Joyce.","BUFFY: I know this. I know this. God. She puts the phone down and takes hold of Joyce's legs, pulls Joyce down across the sofa so that she lies flat.","BUFFY: I can do this. Okay. Okay. She tilts Joyce's head back, opens her mouth, pinches Joyce's nose shut and breathes into Joyce's mouth twice. Then she begins chest compressions.","BUFFY: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight... She makes a face, does two more breaths and resumes compressions.","BUFFY: One, two, three... (We hear a cracking noise) Oh! Oh god. She reaches for the phone.","BUFFY: I, are you there? I, I broke something.","911 OPERATOR: Hello?","BUFFY: It cracked.","911 OPERATOR: Is she breathing?","BUFFY: No.","911 OPERATOR: Paramedics should be there in a moment. You might have cracked a rib. It's not important.","BUFFY: (putting her hand on Joyce's) She's cold. Beat.","911 OPERATOR: The body's cold?","BUFFY: No, my mom! Sh-should I make her warm?","911 OPERATOR: No ... if she's not responding to CPR, the best thing is to wait for the paramedics, okay?","BUFFY: (angry) When will they be here?","911 OPERATOR: They're very nearby. Buffy drops the phone to her side and looks up at the window, stands up. Bright sunshine streams in the window. It's totally quiet except the faint sound of the 911 operator's voice. Buffy brings the phone back up to her ear.","BUFFY: (very quietly) I have to make a call. She presses the hang-up button. Lingering shot of the telephone number pad. Buffy hits a speed dial button. We hear it dialing, ringing.","GILES: (on phone) Hello?","BUFFY: (softly) Giles. You have to come.","GILES: (on phone) Buffy?","BUFFY: She's at the house. She turns the phone off, turns to look over her shoulder. She walks to the front door, opens it and looks out. We hear a siren and the sound of the ambulance coming to a stop. Buffy goes back inside, leaving the door open. Buffy walks back into the living room. Zoom in on Joyce lying on the sofa. Zoom in on Buffy staring at her as we hear the ambulance doors close and footsteps approaching. Pan down Joyce's torso. She wears a knee-length skirt but it has bunched up a bit and her slip is showing. Buffy glances anxiously toward the door, goes over and pulls Joyce's skirt down to cover the slip. She turns and goes back to the doorway separating the living room from the foyer.","BUFFY: She's in here. Two male paramedics enter, carrying equipment. Buffy watches anxiously as they put their stuff down and check Joyce. The first one puts his hand on Joyce's throat.","PARAMEDIC 1: I'm getting no pulse.","PARAMEDIC 2: Let's lay her out. They lift Joyce onto the floor. Paramedic 1 has a stethoscope and a flashlight.","PARAMEDIC 2: (to Buffy) How long's she been like this?","BUFFY: I found her, a-a few, few minutes. Paramedic 1 checks Joyce's eyes. Paramedic 2 attaches some wires to Joyce's chest.","PARAMEDIC 2: Was she conscious?","BUFFY: No.","PARAMEDIC 1: I'm bagging her.","BUFFY: What?","PARAMEDIC 2: We're gonna intubate. Just trying to get her to breathe, all right? Buffy nods. Paramedic 1 reaches for more equipment.","PARAMEDIC 2: This your mother?","BUFFY: Yes.","PARAMEDIC 2: She have any serious physical health problems, any history of heart disease?","BUFFY: No. Pan across Paramedic 1 by Joyce's head, to Paramedic 2 by Joyce's waist, to the EKG machine showing a flat line.","BUFFY: I mean, there, there was a tumor, (Paramedic 1 inserting a tube in Joyce's mouth) a brain tumor, but she had an operation and she's fine now. She, she's been fine. Shot of Joyce's face with an oxygen mask covering it. Paramedic 1 holds the mask in place while Paramedic 2 is doing chest compressions. The machine makes a rhythmic breath-like sound. Paramedic 2 checks Joyce's wrist for a pulse, resumes chest compressions. Suddenly Joyce begins to cough and gasp. Paramedic 1 removes the mask.","PARAMEDIC 1: I got her! My god, we got her!","PARAMEDIC 2: Let's get her on the truck now. I'm calling ahead. The two paramedics stand up as Buffy rushes forward. Joyce opens her eyes and looks at her.","PARAMEDIC 1: (faintly in background) Never brought one back this stiff.","JOYCE: Buffy.","BUFFY: I'm here. Shot of the top of an ambulance, lights flashing, siren wailing as it rushes down the street.","Cut to Buffy and Joyce in the ambulance with the paramedics.","PARAMEDIC 1: It's a miracle. That's what it is, a beautiful miracle.","Cut to Joyce in a hospital bed, Dawn sitting on the bed beside her, Buffy and a doctor standing next to the bed.","DOCTOR: Good as new.","JOYCE: Buffy, thank god you found me in ti- Zoom in on Buffy as Joyce says this. Cut back to the living room as we realize this was all in Buffy's imagination. She is still standing there watching the paramedics work. Utter silence except the sound of Paramedic 2 continuing CPR. Shot of the EKG machine still showing flatline. Paramedic 2 stops CPR and turns to Paramedic 1.","PARAMEDIC 2: She's cold, man. Shot of Buffy staring wide-eyed.","PARAMEDIC 2: Call it. Paramedic 1 looks grim, begins to pack up his stuff. Buffy's lower lip begins to tremble. Paramedic 2 stands up slowly and walks toward Buffy. He appears blurry (from Buffy's perspective).","PARAMEDIC 2: I'm sorry.","BUFFY: (OS) Wha-what do we do now?","PARAMEDIC 2: I'm sorry, but I have to tell you that... Buffy staring up at him wide-eyed.","PARAMEDIC 2: (OS) ...your mother's dead. Buffy stares.","PARAMEDIC 2: It looks like she did die a good while before you found her. There's .. nothing you could have done. In the background we see Paramedic 1 packing up, removing the wires from Joyce's chest.","BUFFY: W-what... The camera shows Paramedic 2 from around the nose area to mid-chest; his eyes and the top of his head are off the top of the screen.","PARAMEDIC 2: I'm guessing it must have been a aneurysm or some clotting. Some complication from surgery. She probably felt... Buffy staring at him with tears in her eyes.","PARAMEDIC 2: ...very little pain. I'm gonna call it in. The coroner's office will come by and take her in, and they'll determine the cause of death conclusively. Buffy continues to stare at him. We hear the ambulance radio.","RADIO: Dispatch 7, we have a 206, what's your status?","PARAMEDIC 1: We're moving.","RADIO: Location is Beaumont and 9th, your gig is on the street, go now.","PARAMEDIC 1: Okay. We gotta fly.","PARAMEDIC 2: All right. (to Buffy) I'm gonna call this right away. All of this takes place offscreen while the camera focuses on Buffy's stunned expression. Now it switches again to the shot of the paramedic's lower face.","PARAMEDIC 2: Now the coroner's office may take a while. In the meanwhile, I think you should sit. Have a glass of water, and try not to disturb the body. Buffy still staring up at him.","PARAMEDIC 2: Do you need anything, is there someone you can call?","BUFFY: (softly) Someone's coming. In the background Paramedic 1 walks to the doorway carrying his stuff.","PARAMEDIC 1: Let's go. Paramedic 2 turns to pick up his stuff, turns back to Buffy.","PARAMEDIC 2: I'm very sorry for your loss.","BUFFY: Thank you. He exits, leaving the front door open. Buffy walks to the door, still holding the phone, and looks out.","BUFFY: Good luck. Sound of the ambulance doors closing, engine starting, driving away. Buffy turns and walks back inside, still holding the phone, still looking dazed. She looks toward Joyce. We hear the ambulance siren starting up. Buffy turns and walks toward the kitchen, putting down the phone on a table. She gets to the back of the living room just before the kitchen door. Suddenly she falls to her knees and vomits on the floor. We hear the sound of wind chimes over the retching noises. Buffy is at the very bottom of the screen with the majority of the picture showing the wall, a small side table, and the open window in which the wind chimes are hanging. Buffy stands up slowly, her back to the camera. She puts a hand on her stomach, walks through the kitchen to the back door, opens it and looks out. We hear birds singing, distant voices, ordinary city noises. Closeup on Buffy's face, sweaty and pale. She stand there for a moment, then turns back inside, leaning on the door for support. She looks at the kitchen island, goes over to it and takes a bunch of paper towels off the roll. Leaving the back door open, she goes back into the living room and puts the paper towels over the spot on the carpet where she vomited. Lingering shot of the paper towels on the carpet as the moisture begins to seep through.","GILES: (OS) Buffy! Buffy turns. Giles stands in the front door, panting.","GILES: What is it? Is it Glory?","BUFFY: (stands) I'm waiting. The, the coroner's coming.","GILES: What? (takes a few steps inside)","BUFFY: (looks down, thinking) I have to tell Dawn. She's at school. (looks up) I'll go there.","GILES: I'm not sure... Giles looks to his left and sees Joyce for the first time.","GILES: Oh god. He rushes toward her, out of the frame.","BUFFY: No. No. Don't. No, it's too late. The camera moves down the hallway (Buffy's POV) as she rushes after Giles.","GILES: (OS) Joyce?","BUFFY: They're, they're coming for her, no, no, we're- Buffy rounds the corner and finds Giles bending over Joyce, shaking her.","GILES: Joyce!","BUFFY: (desperate) We're not supposed to move the body! Giles turns to look at her. Buffy looks aghast, puts her hand to her mouth as she realizes what she said. Giles gets up quickly, goes over to Buffy and puts his arms around her. Buffy stares in shock past Giles's shoulder at Joyce. Shot of Joyce lying on the carpet. Her eyes are still open. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act II","[SCENE_BREAK]","Open on overhead shot of Joyce being zipped into a body bag. We only see the hands of whoever's doing it. They pull the zipper up over her face.","Cut to: Dawn leaning against a wall, crying.","DAWN: Oh, god. I can't believe it.","GIRL: (OS) It's not that bad.","DAWN: (disbelieving) How can you say it's not that bad? GIRL (OS) I just don't think it's that big a deal. Sound of a toilet flushing.","DAWN: Kevin Berman called me a freak in front of everybody. (shrugs) No, that's no big deal. A door behind her opens. We see that she's standing in a bathroom. The door that opened was a toilet stall door. Another girl (Lisa) comes out of the stall and walks forward.","LISA: He didn't say you were a freak. We see that it's actually a mirror behind Dawn; Lisa is in front of her, reflected in the mirror. Lisa goes over to the sinks, which Dawn is standing next to, and begins washing her hands.","DAWN: Forget it.","LISA: He just said you were ... freaky. Which, you know, freaky can be ... sort of cool.","DAWN: Oh yeah. Real cool. (teary) I'm a suicidal head-case.","LISA: You know it was Kirsty. She was telling people how you were into cutting yourself, and how you-","DAWN: That's such a lie! I got cut. By accident. One time. Dawn walks into the toilet stall and takes some toilet paper to wipe her face. Lisa takes some paper towels from a dispenser to dry her hands.","DAWN: Now Kevin thinks I'm a-","LISA: Well, that was when you were wigging out about your family, and of course Kirsty's gotta turn everything into a story. Dawn comes out of the stall wiping her eyes. We see her reflected in the mirror next to Lisa.","LISA: She was telling people that you were adopted.","DAWN: What a prima bee-yotch. I swear, if I could make her head explode using only the power of my mind? That's what I'd be doing right about now. Lisa nods. Dawn wipes her eyes more and sighs.","DAWN: (teary) Great. Now I look like a wet rat.","LISA: Yeah, you know you can't go out there looking all cry-faced. That'll just give Kirsty more ammo. A bell rings.","DAWN: You know? My big sister could really beat the crap out of her. (Lisa nods) I mean, really really. (Blows her nose) Okay. What do you think? (Turns to face Lisa) Can I show my face?","LISA: You're good to go. We're gonna be late anyway. They walk off.","Cut to: the two girls coming out of the bathroom, backpacks on their shoulders. Shot of a typical school hallway full of kids.","LISA: Kirsty alert. They pass a couple of blonde girls who smirk at them.","KIRSTY: (sweetly) Hey Dawn.","DAWN: Hey.","KIRSTY: How you doing, you okay?","DAWN: Good, thanks for asking. Dawn and Lisa continue walking, rolling their eyes.","DAWN: (sotto voce) Bee-yotch. A bell rings again. Dawn and Lisa enter a classroom. The walls are glass from the ceiling to about three feet off the ground, so we can see into the room from the hallway. It's an art classroom with rows of easels set up. Dawn stares wide-eyed. Shot of a cute boy (Kevin) at the back of the classroom.","TEACHER: Okay. Remember, we're not ... drawing the object. Dawn and Lisa go to the back and take easels on either side of Kevin. Dawn looks nervously at him. TEACHER: We're drawing ... the negative space ... around the object. We see the teacher standing beside the model, which is a 2- or 3-foot high statue of a naked woman. The students begin to draw as the teacher's voice continues.","KEVIN: (not looking at Dawn) Hey.","DAWN: (trying to be cool) Oh. Hey Kevin.","TEACHER: ...and then give me a sense of the spaces around ... the space in-between.","KEVIN: What's goin' on?","DAWN: Um, negative space. (nervous smile)","KEVIN: (smiles) Yeah, what's that all about?","DAWN: (scoffs) Yeah.","KEVIN: (looks at her paper) That's pretty good.","DAWN: (smiles) Thanks. Behind Kevin, we see Lisa holding up her pad of paper, on which she has written \"HE WANTS YOU!\" Dawn gives her friend a scolding look, then turns back to her drawing.","KEVIN: So I heard you, like, had a freak-out and cut yourself.","DAWN: Uh, no, not even. It was a whole ... it was so not...","KEVIN: I've felt like that before. (Dawn looks surprised) Things get so crazed, you know, you just feel like you wanna do something ... extreme.","DAWN: Yeah. I just ... I had a lot of intense stuff going on. (Kevin smiles, returns to his drawing) A lot of people don't understand that. Pain.","KEVIN: Yeah.","DAWN: Then Kirsty's gotta blab it everywhere, 'cause she's-","KEVIN: Kirsty, man. It's like she thinks, \"I'm so hot, everybody should just bow down before me.\" And I'm like, whatever. Dawn smiles and laughs. Behind her we see Buffy in the hallway, looking at Dawn.","DAWN: She's so superficial. Everything's always about clothes, or who likes who, and... (Buffy enters the classroom, goes over to the teacher) there's just way more important stuff going on. There's a lot of ... crucial ... you know ... stuff.","KEVIN: Yeah.","DAWN: Uh, this one time in history, uh, (Buffy begins walking down the aisle toward Dawn) she had this book called Annals of History, and she didn't know how to say the word \"annals\" (Kevin looks surprised) so she kept saying-","BUFFY: Dawn. Dawn turns, still smiling. Buffy stares at her. Dawn stops smiling.","BUFFY: I have to talk to you. Dawn looks apprehensive. Shot of a hand drawing a piece of charcoal across paper. Shot of the teacher watching.","DAWN: Um...","BUFFY: (OS) What? Shot of Lisa looking over. Shot of the statue.","DAWN: Can it wait? I'm in the middle of a class.","BUFFY: I know. Please come with me. Shot of Kevin and Lisa watching. Dawn puts down her charcoal and walks with Buffy toward the door.","DAWN: I thought Mom was picking me up. Buffy closes the classroom door behind them as they exit into the hall.","DAWN: What's going on? Something's going on.","BUFFY: Let's go outside.","DAWN: No. Tell me what's going on. Shot of Kirsty and her friends in the hallway, looking over.","BUFFY: It's ... bad ... news. Dawn crosses her arms anxiously over her chest.","DAWN: Well, what is it? What happened? Shot through the window of the classroom. Lisa and Kevin are watching. Lisa begins to walk forward.","BUFFY: It's bad. Please, can we-","DAWN: (loudly) Where's Mom?","BUFFY: (teary) Mom ... had an accident. Or, um... Lisa walks toward the window, staring.","BUFFY: (OS) ...something went ... wrong from the tumor. Closeup on Dawn's face. She has tears in her eyes.","DAWN: Is she okay? Is she ... but she's okay? But ... it's, it's serious, but...","BUFFY: Dawn... Shot from inside the classroom. We see the two of them in the hallway through the glass. Dawn slowly begins to cry as the news sinks in. She puts her hand over her mouth. We can hear her, but very faintly, as we hear it through the glass.","DAWN: (faintly) No. She shakes her head and backs away from Buffy.","DAWN: (faintly) No, it's not true. No, you're a liar, she's fine! Dawn crumples to the floor sobbing. Shot of Kevin watching, looking away. Shot of the teacher. The teacher and the other students move toward the glass and watch as Buffy kneels, trying to comfort Dawn. Pan across to Dawn's half-finished sketch of the statue. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act III","[SCENE_BREAK]","Overhead shot of Joyce lying on a metal table. Hands wearing rubber gloves come into the picture and unbutton her blouse, then begin to cut away her camisole with a pair of scissors. Joyce's eyes are still open. Shot of Tara's face, a window behind her. Shot of Willow standing in her dorm room next to the closet. She wears an undershirt and is holding a blouse on a hanger, but she's staring at it without really seeing it. Willow doesn't move. In the foreground we see Tara's shoulder and the back of her head. Shot of Anya sitting in the passenger seat of a car, looking out the window as the car moves down city streets. Shot of Xander driving the car. Total silence through all of this. Overhead shot of the car pulling up beside some other cars that are parked by the sidewalk. Pan across the sidewalk and up. We see a grassy lawn with some people walking around. The camera pulls back and we see that it's shooting out through Willow's dorm room window. As we pull back, we find Tara standing by the window, looking out. She turns.","TARA: I think they're here. Cut back to Willow still frozen holding the shirt. She reacts, returning from her thoughts, looks at the shirt, turns and tosses it onto the bed. We see a pile of clothing there already.","Cut to Xander and Anya in the car.","XANDER: Do you wanna come up? Anya looks around, looks at him.","ANYA: (softly) You're double-parked.","XANDER: (opens his door) Let 'em give me a ticket. They both get out. Cut back to the dorm room. Willow takes two more shirts out of the closet and turns to Tara.","WILLOW: What do you think? The, the, the purple, right? 'Cause, 'cause it's somber? Shot of Tara standing by the window.","WILLOW: No. No, it's too depressing, i-it's like, um, a ... funeral, god, I ... (holds up the other shirt, which is yellow) Well, this is, this is cheerier, maybe, I-I wanna be cheery, like, like everything is normal? Tara just watches.","WILLOW: No, that's rude, that's, that's disrespectful. \"La la la! I don't care!\" She tosses both blouses on the bed with a sigh.","WILLOW: If I had that blue one - (turns back to the closet, then back) Jo-Joyce really liked the blue one. She told me one time. You, you sure it's not in your room?","TARA: (takes a few steps closer) I-I-I could look again.","WILLOW: No, no, I-I, I should, I should wear the purple (picks up the purple blouse from the bed) The purple, I, I, I think the purple, it's just that it's so, I don't know, (looks at Tara) i-it doesn't mean something bad?","TARA: I think it's, um ... royal. Purple means ... royalty.","WILLOW: (tears running down her face) Well, I can't see Buffy at the morgue and be all royal! \"Oh, I'm the king of everything, I'm better than you!\" I have to be supportive, I, Buffy needs me to be supportive, I... She begins crying as Tara looks on with concern. Willow picks up another shirt.","WILLOW: God, why do all my shirts have such stupid things on them? (tosses it back down) Why can't I just dress like a grownup? Can't I be a grownup?","TARA: Shh. Tara comes over and puts her hands on Willow's shoulders, rubbing her shoulders and neck.","TARA: Shh, darling.","WILLOW: (crying) I can't do this. Tara kisses her on the forehead, then on the mouth. Willow returns the kiss. Then Tara leans her forehead against Willow's.","TARA: We can do this. They both nod. Tara continues rubbing Willow's shoulders.","WILLOW: Okay. We can be there for Buffy. And Dawn. (crying) Little Dawn.","TARA: We can be strong.","WILLOW: Strong like an Amazon?","TARA: Strong like an Amazon, right. They both smile slightly.","WILLOW: Okay. (nods, sniffles) I wish I had the blue.","Cut to: Anya and Xander climbing the stairs inside the dorm.","ANYA: So ... what do we do?","XANDER: I'm not sure. We'll, uh, talk to Giles.","Cut to: Anya and Xander coming out of the stairwell, walking down the dorm hallway. Various students are roaming around or standing in the halls talking.","ANYA: Xander, what will *we* do? What will *we* be expected to do? Xander looks at her but doesn't answer. He walks up to the door of room 213. The door is slightly ajar. Xander knocks, pushes it open and enters. We see Tara against the far wall. Willow appears from around the corner. She wears a greenish shirt with a red cardigan over it.","XANDER: Hey. Xander and Willow hug while Tara and Anya stand there looking uncomfortable. They pull apart.","XANDER: How you doing? Willow shrugs, shakes her head and rolls her eyes, hugging herself.","XANDER: I know the feeling.","WILLOW: I'm afraid I'm gonna start to cry again.","ANYA: (softly) Xander cried at the apartment. It was weird.","WILLOW: I-i-it's a, it's a thing we do. Overhead shot of the four of them standing there. Each is in some way holding onto him- or herself (arms folded, etc.).","ANYA: What's going to happen?","WILLOW: Well, I ... I guess we're gonna ... meet them at the morgue, (whispers) That's where they were ... taking ... her.","TARA: Um, Giles said that he, he was gonna go with Joyce, and Buffy was gonna go to ... the school to ... tell Dawn. Xander looks upset, closes his eyes.","XANDER: God.","TARA: Do you know how to, how to get-","XANDER: Yeah. It's at the hospital, it's a wing. We do morgue time in the Scooby gang. Willow looks anxiously at Tara.","WILLOW: I have to change. She removes her cardigan, tosses it aside, goes off to get another shirt.","XANDER: What else did Giles say?","TARA: (shrugs, shakes her head) Not a lot.","XANDER: Are they sure this was ... natural? I mean, Glory.","TARA: Uh, Giles was pretty sure that it wasn't, wasn't her.","XANDER: But, I mean, she said she was gonna come after Buffy's family.","TARA: I don't-","XANDER: I mean, we should be going after her. I mean, she coulda done it, and, and, covered her tracks. Anya looks confused. Willow reappears, now wearing a pink turtleneck.","WILLOW: Why would she? She'd want us to know. Xander looks upset.","XANDER: I'll tell you what it is. It's the frickin' doctors. I mean, they just let her out, you know? Clean bill of health. Dig a hole in your skull. Here's a band-aid. Next! Closeup of Tara looking concerned and upset.","WILLOW: (OS) Xander...","XANDER: They should have checked her over, they should have had her in. Well, don't we have enough monsters in this town, the doctors gotta help 'em out?","WILLOW: Xander, I-I don't think it was ... any ... it just happened.","XANDER: (looks around at the three of them) Things don't happen! (frowns) I mean ... they don't *just* happen. (Shot of Tara looking concerned) Somebody... (shot of Willow) I mean, somebody's got...","WILLOW: Okay. (puts up her fists) Let's go. Come on, you and me. Come on. Xander stares at her, then sighs. He walks over to her, kisses her on the forehead. Tara watches sadly.","XANDER: You know I can't take you.","WILLOW: Damn straight. Xander moves back a little.","ANYA: Are we gonna see the body?","WILLOW: (shocked) What? Xander looks annoyed, turns away.","ANYA: Are we gonna be in the room ... with the dead body?","WILLOW: (hugs herself, uncomfortably) I don't know. No.","TARA: But I guess we should take over patrolling and all that.","XANDER: Yeah.","WILLOW: Oh, yeah.","TARA: For however long.","XANDER: You know it. Willow looks at herself unhappily, then at Tara.","WILLOW: I can't wear this. She turns to change again, turns back.","WILLOW: I, I really should have the other. Joyce liked it so.","TARA: Do you think you coulda left it in the laundry room?","WILLOW: (frowns, nods hopefully) Maybe.","TARA: I'll go check. I'll, I'll just be one minute.","XANDER: We're cool. Tara walks out of the room. Anya walks around the room a bit, aimlessly, then turns back.","ANYA: Are they gonna cut the body open?","WILLOW: (horrified) Oh my god! Would you just ... stop talking? Just ... shut your mouth. Please.","ANYA: What am I doing?","WILLOW: How can you act like that?","ANYA: Am I supposed to be changing my clothes a lot? (looks from Willow to Xander) Is that the helpful thing to do?","XANDER: Guys...","WILLOW: The way you behave-","ANYA: Nobody will tell me.","WILLOW: Because it's not okay for you to be asking these things!","ANYA: (desperate) But I don't understand! Willow and Xander look at her in surprise.","ANYA: (crying) I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's, (sniffling) there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid. (still teary) And, and Xander's crying and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why. She stops and puts her hand over her face, crying. Willow has tears in her eyes too. Xander goes over to Anya but she pushes him away, goes and sits down in a papasan chair by the window. Xander goes back to the doorway.","WILLOW: (to Anya) We don't know ... how it works... (Anya wiping her face with her hands) or why. Willow goes and sits on the bed. Xander paces back and forth in front of the open door. In the hallway behind him we see various students passing by. There's total silence. Shot of Willow sitting on the bed. Shot of Anya sitting in the chair. There are a bunch of pillows on the chair and one is poking her in the back. She turns around and pulls it out. It's a stuffed animal with a blue sweater wrapped around it. Right beside the chair is a clothes bureau with the drawers slightly open. Anya tucks the blue sweater into one of the drawers and sits back holding the stuffed animal. Shot of Willow staring at the floor. Suddenly there's a loud banging noise. Willow and Anya jump, look up. Shot of Xander in the doorway with his left hand stretched out, obscured by the wall.","XANDER: Sorry, sorry, some ... pent-up...","WILLOW: (getting up) Xander... Willow walks around the corner and discovers Xander's hand is buried in a hole in the wall.","WILLOW: Where did your hand go?","XANDER: As I was saying, some frustration, and now, uh ... I appear to be stuck.","ANYA: My god. (ducks under his arm to get to the other side) Is your hand okay?","XANDER: Pretty much. I, I'm really sorry. Willow examines the hole where Xander's fist has broken through the wall.","ANYA: (angry) You could have hit an electrical... (gestures vaguely) thing!","XANDER: And once again with the sorry. Anya crouches down to look at the hole from underneath.","WILLOW: Did it make you feel better? (Anya looks up at Xander)","XANDER: For a second there.","WILLOW: A whole second?","XANDER: In my defense, some crappy wallmanship.","WILLOW: Yeah, you can hear everything next door. Willow and Anya pull at Xander's arm trying to free it.","XANDER: Who did the drywall in this place?","WILLOW: I always forget to ask. Tara appears in the doorway.","TARA: Did I miss something?","ANYA: Xander decided that he blames the wall.","WILLOW: Can you ... turn your wrist?","XANDER: Hold on. He twists his arm and pulls it out of the wall. His knuckles are covered in blood. All the girls go \"ooh\" in concern.","XANDER: It's okay. (flexing his hand) Anya looks pensively at Xander's hand. Shot of the bloody hand as Xander flexes his fingers. Pan up to Tara's face.","TARA: It hurts. Xander looks at her. She gives a small sympathetic smile.","WILLOW: Here, wash it off. Anya leads Xander over to the sink.","ANYA: (to Willow) Band-aids?","WILLOW: Underneath. Anya looks under the sink for band-aids as Xander washes his hand. In the foreground, Tara turns to Willow.","TARA: I couldn't find it.","WILLOW: (shrugs) It doesn't matter. We should get there.","TARA: Yes.","WILLOW: I, I wanna be there for Buffy.","XANDER: (OS) You're right. Shot of Tara and Willow facing each other in the foreground. In the background, Xander with his back to the camera, as Anya tends to his hand.","XANDER: The avengers gotta get to the assembly. (turns to face the camera, with a towel wrapped around his hand) We'll go. We'll deal. We'll help. That's what we do. We help Buffy. He puts the towel down and goes out. Willow and Tara follow. Anya follows behind.","ANYA: How are we going to help? They all go out. Anya closes the door behind her. The camera stays on the closed door. After a moment the door opens again and Willow rushes in. Shot of Willow's red cardigan on the table by the window where she tossed it earlier. She grabs it and leaves again. We hear the sound of the door closing again as the camera pans across the table to the window. Outside, on the street below, a police officer is putting a ticket on Xander's car. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act IV","[SCENE_BREAK]","Open on an overhead shot of Joyce lying on the table. She is (presumably) naked with a sheet covering her up to the shoulders. She is pale and her eyes are still open. A pair of hands, wearing bloody rubber gloves, is attaching a small bandage to the side of Joyce's forehead. Then the hands remove the gloves. Pull out to find Dr. Kriegel (same doctor from \"Listening to Fear\" and \"Into the Woods\") pulling the sheet up to cover Joyce's face. He turns off a lamp that's hanging over her, turns away. We see that he's wearing a rubber smock over his blue hospital scrubs. He removes the smock and puts it in a hazardous-waste can as he moves out of the morgue, picking up a clipboard. He moves into an office area, puts the clipboard on a desk, picks up a white coat and puts it on as he exits the morgue, closing a door behind him. He walks down a dark hallway, passes an orderly pushing a cart. The hallway is full of folded-up gurneys, boxes, cartons, etc. Dr. Kriegel emerges into the hospital proper. He comes around a corner and sees a waiting room where Giles, Dawn, Buffy, and the Scoobies are gathered. Tara hugs Dawn as Xander hugs Buffy.","XANDER: If there's anything we can do.","DAWN: Glad you're here. Xander hugs Giles as Willow hugs Buffy. Willow pulls back to look Buffy in the face.","WILLOW: Love you so much.","BUFFY: I know.","DAWN: (to Tara) They're not telling us anything. Giles is looking around when suddenly Anya hugs him. He looks surprised, then hugs her back. Over her head he notices the doctor.","GILES: Doctor? Everyone looks over at the doctor. He walks forward. Buffy, Giles, and Dawn come forward to meet him. The others stay behind in a little group.","DR. KRIEGEL: Okay, I've examined your mother's body.","DAWN: Can we see her?","BUFFY: Dawn, not now.","DR. KRIEGEL: The on-site report seems more or less accurate. Your mother did have what looks like an aneurysm. A sudden hemorrhaging from a ruptured arterial vessel near the, uh ... where the tumor was removed.","BUFFY: Shouldn't we have known about that, that ... was a danger?","DR. KRIEGEL: Sometimes these things are detectable, and sometimes they're not. Close shot of Buffy's face.","DR. KRIEGEL: (OS) Joyce was aware of the possibility of a rupture, and the effects. She didn't even get on the phone, so clearly this was very sudden. Shot of Dawn staring at the floor.","DR. KRIEGEL: (OS) She, uh, may have felt a little nausea, and probably passed out as it happened. Close shot of Buffy's face.","DR. KRIEGEL: (OS) I doubt there was much pain, and ... even if someone had been by her side...","Flash: Joyce in the living room, Buffy by her side. Buffy takes Joyce's hand in concern as Joyce sits on the sofa.","JOYCE: My head...","BUFFY: Mom?","Flash: Buffy, Joyce, and Paramedic 1 in the ambulance.","Flash: Dawn, Joyce, Buffy, and the doctor in the hospital.","(the above two flashes are the same as from earlier in the episode)","DR. KRIEGEL: (OS) ...it's doubtful that this could have been dealt with in time.","Cut back to closeup of Buffy's face. Shot of the doctor looking sympathetic, looking over at Giles.","GILES: (nods) Uh, thank you, Doctor.","BUFFY: (OS) Are you sure... Closeup of Buffy's face.","BUFFY: ...that there wasn't a lot of pain?","DR. KRIEGEL: (nods) Absolutely. The doctor's mouth continues to move, but what we hear is what Buffy is thinking, not what he's actually saying.","DR. KRIEGEL: (in Buffy's thoughts) I have to lie to make you feel better. Closeup of Buffy staring at the doctor.","GILES: What, uh, (clears throat) what, uh, needs to be done now?","DR. KRIEGEL: Well, there, uh, there'll be some forms, and some decisions you'll need to make.","GILES: Uh, Buffy, why don't you let me handle those as much as I can.","BUFFY: Please.","DR. KRIEGEL: (to Buffy) We will need you to ... sign a couple of release forms. GILES: Yes, thank you, Doctor. The doctor nods, starts to move away.","GILES: (to Buffy) I'll, uh, figure out which ones you need to see.","BUFFY: We'll be here. Giles goes off with the doctor as the others approach.","XANDER: What'd the doctor say?","BUFFY: Nothing. Uh, it's, you know, it's what we thought, the tumor.","WILLOW: Why don't we sit down? Willow takes both Buffy and Dawn by the hands and leads them to a sofa. She and Buffy sit. Tara sits on Buffy's other side. Anya, Xander, and Dawn remain standing.","BUFFY: Giles says he's gonna go over the paperwork.","XANDER: Man, if there's one day they should *not* give you homework.","WILLOW: Dawnie, do you wanna sit? Dawn shakes her head.","BUFFY: (to Dawn) I don't think we're gonna have to be here very long.","DAWN: What about... (stops)","BUFFY: What about what?","DAWN: Nothing. I have to pee.","BUFFY: Do you want someone to go with you?","DAWN: (sullen) No. I still remember how to pee. (turns away)","BUFFY: Do you know where it is?","DAWN: Yeah. She walks off.","BUFFY: I think maybe she's ... mad at me or something.","WILLOW: 'Cause you were the one that told her?","XANDER: How'd she take it?","BUFFY: Meltdown. She just wouldn't believe me. I still don't think she does.","ANYA: (a little too loudly) I wish that Joyce didn't die... Everyone looks at her.","ANYA: (more quietly) ...because she was nice. And now we all hurt.","XANDER: (embarrassed) Anya, ever the wordsmith. Anya looks hopefully at Buffy.","BUFFY: (to Anya) Thank you. Xander looks a little surprised.","WILLOW: (to Buffy) Do you want anything? Something to eat, or ... soda?","BUFFY: Honestly, I ... couldn't tell.","WILLOW: Well, I-I think you should try to eat something.","BUFFY: Yeah, maybe Dawn could use a snack.","WILLOW: I'll, I'll find something. (gets up) Xander, do you have any money?","XANDER: We'll come with.","WILLOW: (to Buffy) We'll be right quick. Willow, Xander, and Anya go off. Shot of Buffy and Tara sitting on the sofa next to each other. They look at each other, then away.","BUFFY: (softly, speaking to the floor) I'm sorry ... you have to go through all of this.","TARA: You don't have to worry about me.","BUFFY: Everybody wants to help. (Tara looks at her) I don't even know if I'm ... here. (Tara looks away) I don't know what's going on. Never done this. (pauses) That's just an amazingly dumb thing to say. Obviously ... I've never done this before. Beat.","TARA: (softly) I have. Buffy looks over at her.","TARA: My mother died when I was seventeen.","BUFFY: I didn't know. I'm sorry.","TARA: No, no, I didn't mean to ... (sighs) I'm only telling you this because ... I know it's not m-my place, but ... (pauses) There's things ... thoughts and reactions I had that ... I couldn't ... understand ... or even try to explain to anyone else. (Buffy looks down, pensive) Thoughts that ... made me feel like I was losing it ... or, like I was some kind of ho-horrible person. I know it's different for you ... because it's always different, but ... if you ever need... She trails off. They sit there looking at each other. Then they both look down at the floor. Buffy looks back up at Tara.","BUFFY: Was it sudden?","TARA: What?","BUFFY: Your mother.","TARA: No. (thinks) Yes. (pauses) It's always sudden.","Cut to: Dawn coming out of the bathroom. She looks around the corner into the waiting room, sees Buffy and Tara talking. Pan over to the door that leads to the morgue. A red sign on the door reads \"AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.\" Dawn goes over to that door.","Cut to inside the hallway. Dawn opens the door and enters. It's fairly dark. She looks behind her, begins to walk slowly down the hallway. Utter silence. Overhead shot of Dawn walking down the hall. Pan down the hall from Dawn's point of view. She can see through the second door to where the doctor's desk is.","Cut to inside the morgue, camera showing Dawn's face through the window in the second door.","Cut to Dawn's POV, shot of the interior of the morgue with several sheet-covered bodies lying on metal tables. Dawn opens the door, goes inside, turns and bolts the door shut. She turns back and walks slowly past the row of bodies covered by sheets, toward the one at the end. Complete silence. Dawn walks up to the last table, farthest from the door. She stares at the shape on the table, closes her eyes, opens them. She reaches out a hand. Closeup on Dawn's apprehensive face. Closeup on the sheet-covered head. Dawn pulls her hand back without removing the sheet, takes a step back, swallows with difficulty. Behind her, on the farthest table (closest to the door), a body suddenly sits up and removes the sheet covering it. Dawn doesn't notice this. Still complete silence. Closer shot of the person on the table sitting up. It's a male vampire. He looks around, sees Dawn, smiles slightly and puts the sheet aside, swinging his legs over the side of the table. Long shot of Dawn's back. The camera is at floor-level and in the foreground we see the vampire's bare leg. Dawn is in the background of the shot, still staring at the sheet-covered body. The vampire's other leg comes into view as he walks unsteadily toward Dawn. Closeup of Dawn turning, seeing him, beginning to draw breath for a scream.","Cut to Buffy and Tara sitting on the sofa. Pan over to Xander, Willow, and Anya returning with their arms full of soda cans, junk food, and coffee cups.","WILLOW: We panicked.","BUFFY: (looking nervously at all the stuff) Uh-huh.","WILLOW: Have anything you want.","ANYA: The sandwiches are meat.","BUFFY: I'm just not hungry.","WILLOW: What about Dawnie? (comes to sit beside Buffy)","XANDER: (looking around) Is she still in the bathroom?","BUFFY: (frowning) I guess. (gets up) You guys wait here. Buffy walks over to the hallway, looks at the door marked \"Women,\" then looks across to the door marked \"AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.\" She goes to the second door, opens it. Buffy walks down the dark hallway, first slowly, then faster. Distant sound of a scream. Buffy comes to the second door, looks through the window and sees Dawn struggling as the vampire is behind her and has her by the arms. Dawn shrieks and struggles. Buffy shoves the door but it is still locked. Buffy throws herself against it and it bursts open. The vampire pulls Dawn up against him and bends his head to bite. Buffy runs up behind him and grabs him around the neck, grunting. Dawn yelps and continues struggling. Buffy pulls the vampire back and he loses his grip on Dawn, who goes flying forward, crashing into the gurney. As she falls to the floor, she accidentally pulls the sheet so it falls down a bit, exposing Joyce's head. Buffy struggles with the vampire, he hits her in the stomach and she loses her grip, stumbling backward. He grabs her by the neck, growling. They struggle. Buffy tries to reach his face but can't, so she knees him in the groin. He spins her around and slams her into a table covered with medical instruments, which crash to the floor. Buffy and the vampire also fall to the floor. Fight noises continue as the camera moves to Dawn recovering, lying on the floor. She looks up at the gurney. Shot of the corner of the gurney from Dawn's POV; only the top of Joyce's head is visible. Buffy is on the floor with the vampire on top of her. She punches him in the face and they roll over so she's on top. As they struggle, she reaches out and grabs a medical instrument that looks like a short saw. She puts it against the vampire's throat as he grabs her face. His hand falls aside and Buffy shoves the saw through his neck, cutting off his head. He explodes into dust and Buffy falls aside, lying on her back, the saw clattering away. Buffy lies there for a moment, staring at the ceiling with a small frown. Then she rolls over.","BUFFY: Dawn? Buffy sits up halfway, stops when she sees Dawn. The camera pulls back to find Dawn still crouching, staring up at the gurney. Slowly, Dawn pulls herself up to a kneeling position so she can see Joyce's face. Joyce's eyes are still open. We stay on this shot with Joyce in the foreground, Dawn immediately behind her, and Buffy in the background still sitting on the floor.","DAWN: (not taking her eyes off Joyce) Is she cold?","BUFFY: (whispering) It's not her ... it's not her ... she's gone.","DAWN: (frowns slightly) Where'd she go? Dawn lifts her hand and reaches out, very slowly. Close shot of Joyce's head with Dawn's hand moving slowly toward her cheek. The picture goes to black just before Dawn's fingers touch the body. Blackout.","Executive Producer: Joss Whedon."],"Show Title":"Buffy the Vampire Slayer","Episode Number":"05x16","Episode Title":"The Body","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_05x18.json","Recap":["The Scoobies discover Spike's new robot toy; Glory's minions kidnap Spike, thinking he is the Key, and when they realize he isn't they torture him for information. Buffy and Giles go on a discovery quest about the origin of the Slayer. Buffy is told ominously that \"Death is your gift\"."],"Transcript":["\u2022I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. \u2022I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. \u2022You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) \u2022I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Teaser","GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy talking to Glory in the Summers home.","GLORY: Did you know your sister took my key, Dawnie, and she won't give it back. I bet you know where she put it, don't you? Spike and Dawn in the magic shop.","SPIKE: (reading) They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life, so they sent the key to her, in the form of a sister. Ben talking to Jinx.","BEN: Let Glory understand this: I won't help her find the key. I would never do that to an innocent-","JINX: An innocent?","BEN: It's not a person. Ben stabbing Jinx. Glory in her apartment.","GLORY: What about the key?","JINX: He indicated that it was a person. Spike kissing Buffy. Spike sitting up in bed gasping.","SPIKE: Oh God, no. Spike talking to Buffy in his underground cavern.","SPIKE: I love you.","BUFFY: The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious. April holding Spike in the air.","APRIL: You are not my boyfriend! April throwing Spike through a window. Buffy talking to the Scoobies.","BUFFY: I kinda got the impression that she was a-","TARA: Robot.","XANDER: Oh yeah, robot.","WARREN: She's a robot. April walking down the street.","WARREN: I made her to love me. I didn't make a toy. I made a girlfriend. Spike talking to Warren.","SPIKE: I'm placing an order.","WARREN: No, I'm not making any more girls.","SPIKE: Sure you are. (giving Warren the box full of Buffy pictures) Here's your specs. Buffy in her house.","BUFFY: Mom? What are you doing? Joyce lying dead on the sofa.","BUFFY: Mommy? Joyce's funeral.","MINISTER: We commend to almighty God our sister, Joyce Summers. Buffy and Dawn crying. Buffy sitting with Angel.","BUFFY: It's tomorrow that I'm worried about.","ANGEL: What's tomorrow?","BUFFY: That's exactly what I don't know.","BUFFY: Giles, you don't have to help. You cooked.","GILES: Oh, come on, I quite like to cook. Helping you two out makes me feel useful. (wiping a dish)","DAWN: Wanna clean out the garage on Saturday? You can feel indispensable.","GILES: (sarcastic) Hmm, how tempting.","BUFFY: Dawn, if there are any plates in your room, let's have them before they get furry and we have to name them.","DAWN: Hey, I was like five then. Dawn exits.","GILES: How's she doing? (Buffy gives him a look) And you?","BUFFY: I'm okay. Well, some minutes are harder than others.","GILES: I'm so sorry. All I can say is i-it will get better.","BUFFY: It has to. (stops washing dishes, begins drying her hands) We're holding up though, you know, getting into a routine.","GILES: Good, routine's good. In fact I was thinking that we might ... return to our training schedule.","BUFFY: (pauses) I don't know. I was, um, thinking about ... maybe ... taking a break or something. She puts down her towel and walks into the living room. Giles follows.","BUFFY: Just ease off for a while. Not get into full slay mode.","GILES: But you were doing so well.","BUFFY: A-and you were great, helping me with everything. (They sit on the sofa) I'm just ... starting to feel ... uneasy about stuff.","GILES: Stuff?","BUFFY: Training. Slaying. All of it. It's just ... I mean ... I can beat up the demons until the cows come home. And then I can beat up the cows ... but I'm not sure I like what it's doing to me.","GILES: But you've mastered so much. I mean, your strength and resilience alone-","BUFFY: Yeah. Strength, resilience ... those are all words for hardness. (pause) I'm starting to feel like ... being the Slayer is turning me into stone.","GILES: Turning you into stone? Buffy-","BUFFY: Just ... think about it. (gets up, paces) I was never there for Riley, not like I was for Angel. I was terrible to Dawn.","GILES: At a time like this-","BUFFY: No.","GILES: You're bound to feel emotionally numb.","BUFFY: Before that. Riley left because I was shut down. He's gone. And now my mom is gone ... and I loved her more than anything ... and ... I don't know if she knew.","GILES: Oh, she knew. (gets up, puts his hand on Buffy's shoulder) Always.","BUFFY: I don't know. To slay, to kill ... i-it means being hard on the inside. Maybe being the perfect Slayer means being too hard to love at all. I already feel like I can hardly say the words.","GILES: Buffy...","BUFFY: Giles ... I love you. Love ... love, love, love, love, Giles, it feels strange.","GILES: Well, I shouldn't wonder. (frowns, sits on the coffee table) How serious are you about this?","BUFFY: (walks past him, sits on sofa) Ten. I'm serious to the amount of ten.","GILES: There is something ... in the Watchers' diaries ... a quest.","BUFFY: A quest? Like finding a grail or something?","GILES: Not a grail. Maybe answers. It would take a day, perhaps two.","BUFFY: I'm not leaving Dawn. Not with Glory looking for her. Dawn enters in time to hear this.","DAWN: Sure you can. (sits next to Buffy) What's the deal?","GILES: Some Slayers before Buffy found it helpful in ... regaining their focus, learning more about their role. There's a sacred place in the desert. It's, it's not far.","BUFFY: But I can't go. (to Dawn) I'm not leaving you, Dawn.","DAWN: If you have to go learn ... I mean, if it'll help you out ... I think you should do it. (shot of Giles smiling) I can hang with the gang. I'll be okay. Buffy looks at Giles, turns to Dawn and puts an arm around her.","BUFFY: I love you, Dawn. You know that, right?","DAWN: Yeah. I love you too.","BUFFY: I love you ... (intensely) *really* love you.","DAWN: (nervous grin) Gettin' weird.","BUFFY: Sorry. But it's important that I tell you. Weird love's better than no love. They hug.","Cut to: Spike staring at something. We see Warren in the background.","SPIKE: Some say it's better'n the real thing.","WARREN: (nervous) Better than the real thing. Shot of a pair of feet. Pan slowly up to reveal the BuffyBot. She wears a knee-length pleated skirt of pale pink, a blouse of darker pink, and a black jacket. Her eyes are closed as she stands there.","SPIKE: (OS) She looks good, but what about the rest? Spike still staring at the bot.","SPIKE: A little walk, a little talk... Warren stuffing books into a backpack. We're in Warren's parents' living room (same set from \"I Was Made To Love You\").","SPIKE: ...perhaps a zippy cartwheel...","WARREN: Hey, she's, uh, great. You'll be real happy, I swear, she's got everything you asked for. All the extra programming, tons of real-world knowledge, the profiles you gave me about her family and friends.","SPIKE: *All* the extra programming, right?","WARREN: Ah, the, the stuff that you wanted, the, uh, scenario responses, you know, the, uh, uh, special ... skills ... (nervous laugh) All of it. Now, you said that I could leave- Warren tries to go past but Spike grabs his arm.","SPIKE: Wait. I'm not sure I'm a satisfied customer. She looks a little shiny to me, you know, uh... Close shot of the bot's closed eyes.","SPIKE: (OS) ...touch of plasticine... The eyes pop open.","BUFFYBOT: Spike? Longer shot of the BuffyBot smiling hugely.","BUFFYBOT: Oh, Spike! She hurries over to Spike, puts her hands on his shoulders and kisses him on the mouth. She pulls back, still with a big smile.","SPIKE: She'll do. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Adam Busch, Troy T. Blendell, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Jane Espenson, directed by Michael Gershman.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act I","[SCENE_BREAK]","Open on Glory lying on a sofa.","GLORY: (annoyed) He's getting stronger. I'm losing him, I'm losing control of him. We see that we're in Glory's apartment. She has her legs up on one arm of the sofa. Two of her sycophant demons sit on the other end of the sofa while three more stand behind.","JINX: You're speaking of Ben, most glamorous yet tasteful one?","GLORY: He stabbed you in your body.","MURK: Jinx is all right, your highness. And we do have the new knowledge that the key is a human being.","GLORY: (sits up) If time runs out on us and all we're left with is info? Then we're screwed.","JINX: Oh, surely not!","GLORY: (leans back) No, we're screwed!","MURK: But you are a god. The sacred Glorificus!","GLORY: I'm a god in exile. Far from the hellfires of home and ... sharing my body with an enemy that stabs my boys in their (pokes Jinx in the stomach, he groans and winces) fleshy little stomachs. She sits back again in frustration, ignoring Jinx. He makes a gesture to Murk that he's okay.","GLORY: Uhh! I'm in pain.","JINX: How can we help? We'll lay down our lives. Glory ponders for a moment, gets up.","GLORY: The Slayer and the key are connected. She's going to have contact with it. Find out who's new in her life, who's ... special, who's different. Watch her.","MURK: We can do that, O ... thou.","GLORY: I want to hear about everyone she has contact with! That girl has my key ... (the monks bow their heads) and I'm trusting you boys to get it for me. If you love me ... (they both look up) get it for me. The monks smile happily at each other and at Glory.","Cut to: a slice of desert. There are sandy dunes with some scraggly bushes, and one tree. Heat waves shimmer in the air. Giles' convertible comes around the dune, pulls up and stops. Giles and Buffy get out. Giles goes to open the trunk. Buffy follows. She wears a long brown coat over brown pants and a brown turtleneck. Giles wears jeans, a black shirt and a brown suede jacket.","BUFFY: What's in the trunk?","GILES: Supplies. (leans into the trunk)","BUFFY: Supplies? I was wondering about that. Like, food, water, maybe a compass?","GILES: (straightens up holding stuff) What about a book, a gourd, and a bunch of twigs?","BUFFY: I don't think I'll be that hungry.","GILES: They're for me. Come on, this way. He walks off with Buffy following. Cut to them walking across the sand.","GILES: You see, the location of the sacred place is a guarded secret. I can't take you there myself. (They begin to climb up a dune) I'll have to perform a ritual to ... transfer my guardianship of you, temporarily, to, to a guide. This'll do. He stops and begins putting the stuff down.","BUFFY: A guide but no food or water. So it leads me to the sacred place, and then a week later it leads you to my bleached bones?","GILES: Buffy, please. It takes more than a week to bleach bones. Buffy grins. Giles kneels on the ground and begins arranging the twigs around himself.","BUFFY: So, how's it start?","GILES: I, uh, jump out of the circle and then jump back in it, and then, um ... (embarrassed) I shake my gourd.","BUFFY: I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey-pokey and turn themselves around.","GILES: (straightens up, gives her a sour look) Go quest. Buffy makes an amused face. Giles looks embarrassed. He sighs, rolls his eyes, jumps into the circle of twigs, jumps out, and shakes the gourd. Nothing seems to happen. He and Buffy look at each other.","BUFFY: And that's what it's all about.","Cut to: Spike in his crypt, dancing around in sparring mode.","SPIKE: What you searching for, Slayer, a weak spot? Hmm? We see that he's circling around the BuffyBot, who holds a stake in one hand. She is no longer wearing the jacket but still wears the pink skirt and sleeveless blouse.","SPIKE: Try me, give me the best you've got. She lunges at him with a very lame stabbing movement and he ducks out of the way.","BUFFYBOT: Ooh! Spike grabs her from behind with one arm around her neck and the other grabbing her hand.","BUFFYBOT: Oh... (panting)","SPIKE: Is that your best, Slayer?","BUFFYBOT: No.","SPIKE: Why not?","BUFFYBOT: I, I wanna hurt you, but I can't resist the sinister attraction of your cold and muscular body.","SPIKE: Maybe I should repay you for your gentleness. Maybe I should let you go.","BUFFYBOT: No! No, Spike. Never let me go.","SPIKE: You know you should be afraid of me. I'm bad.","BUFFYBOT: (seductively) You are. You're very, very bad. Suddenly she twists out of his grasp and flings him across the room. He lands on his back on the bed. The BuffyBot jumps on top of him, straddling him, and puts her stake against his chest.","SPIKE: Are you gonna do it that way?","BUFFYBOT: (grinning) No. She grabs the neck of his t-shirt and rips it open as Spike grins. Then she puts the stake against his bare chest.","BUFFYBOT: This way.","SPIKE: (raises his eyebrows) You can't do it.","BUFFYBOT: I could never do it. (drops the stake) I'm helpless against you, you fiend. Spike shoves her off him.","BUFFYBOT: (smiling) Oh! She rolls aside onto the floor and lands on her back. Spike lands on top of her, pinning her wrists down. He kisses her and she kisses him back.","SPIKE: (whispers) Buffy... He slides down her body as the camera stays on her face.","Cut to: Giles sitting on the sand in the middle of the circle of sticks. He has the book open and reads aloud in Swahili.","Cut to closer shot of his face as he continues to speak.","Cut to Buffy walking across the sand. We can hear Giles still reading aloud. The background music is a woman vocalizing. Buffy hears a growling noise and stops, looks to her left. We see a mountain lion sitting on the sand about thirty feet away.","BUFFY: Hello, kitty. The lion begins to walk and Buffy follows it. They go through a passageway made by two large outcroppings of rock. They come out on a large expanse of sandy desert dotted with small bushes or trees. Buffy goes over to a rock and sits on it, looking around.","BUFFY: I know this place.","Cut to: Tara closing a door. She turns away and we see there's a vial in her hand. She walks away from the door, into the room. We see Xander behind a counter: it's his apartment. He comes out from behind the counter.","TARA: Okay. Warning spell's all set.","XANDER: So that's it? We're all protected up for the night? They walk farther into the room. We see Anya sitting on one sofa in the background. Dawn sits on another, reading.","TARA: Well, i-it's probably not as good as Willow could do. She's a natural with magic. In just the time I've known her, she's already blown right past me.","XANDER: So, when the whiz kid gets back from chem lab, can you have her ... you know, bulk up the spell a little? If you want, maybe, while Anya and I go do a quick patrol?","ANYA: I don't see why we have to patrol just 'cause Buffy's away. (gets up, walks over to them) I'd rather stay home and watch television. Dawn watches Anya go past her. Shot of a pair of earrings(?) on the side table next to the sofa that Anya just vacated.","TARA: (OS) Oh yeah, Willow wants to watch this thing on the history channel tonight, (Dawn gets up, walks over to the table) Salem Witch Trial stuff, which is only gonna get her all upset.","ANYA: (OS) Oh, I was there, it really wasn't that bad. (Dawn picks up the earrings and puts them in her pocket) See, if you were really a witch, you could do a spell to escape.","Cut to a shot of the three in the foreground and Dawn in the background.","ANYA: ...so really it was only bad for the falsely accused, and, well, they never have a good time.","XANDER: No. Dawn turns from the table to face the others.","DAWN: So, guys, if this is a real slumber party, where's the pizza? As Dawn walks away from the table toward the others, the camera stays on the window behind her. We see one of Glory's demons looking in the window.","Cut to: Spike's crypt. Pan across the pillars and the armchair to find Spike and the Buffy Bot lying on the floor, on their sides. She lies in front with Spike behind her, his arm around her waist, both covered with a pink sheet. Spike's hair is all disarrayed and spikey.","BUFFYBOT: You're evil.","SPIKE: And that excites you?","BUFFYBOT: It excites me, it terrifies me ... I try so hard to resist you and I can't.","SPIKE: Yeah? (grins)","BUFFYBOT: Darn your sinister attraction.","SPIKE: (seriously) Are you afraid of me?","BUFFYBOT: (big smile) Yes.","SPIKE: (quietly) You know I can't lie to you.","BUFFYBOT: I think you can. I think you can if I let you, and I want to let you. I want you to bite me and devour me until there's no more.","SPIKE: (smiles) Like this? He bites her neck lightly.","BUFFYBOT: (smiling) Oh, Spike, devour me!","SPIKE: All right. He pulls her over on her back and gets on top of her.","BUFFYBOT: Spike, I can't help myself. I love you.","SPIKE: You're mine, Buffy.","BUFFYBOT: Should I start this program over?","SPIKE: Shh! (frowns) No programs. Don't use that word. Just be Buffy. She smiles.","Cut to: Willow and a bunch of other students coming out of a UC Sunnydale building, night.","WILLOW: It's got last week's notes too. Just get it back to me by Thursday. She's speaking to a male student to whom she is giving her notebook.","WILLOW: And, uh, don't write in it or, or, uh, put a coffee mug down on it, or anything. (The student walks offscreen) And, and, just don't spill. Okay. Oh, oh, and don't fold the page corners down. Bye! She continues walking, pauses as she approaches a pillar, continues. As she passes the pillar, one of Glory's demons comes out from behind it and follows her.","Cut to: Spike lying in his bed asleep. Pan across to the Buffy Bot standing next to the bed, putting on her jacket.","BUFFYBOT: Time to slay.","SPIKE: Yeah... (mumbling in his sleep) The bot picks up her stake and walks purposefully across the crypt.","BUFFYBOT: Vampires of the world, beware. Shot of Spike still sleeping. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act II","[SCENE_BREAK]","Fade in on the desert, night. Giles sits on the hood of his car, drinking from a thermos. He looks up at the sky, sighs.","Fade to Buffy still sitting on the rock. She hugs her arms and shivers, lets her head drop and her eyes close. There's a noise like an owl hooting. Buffy jerks awake, sighs.","Cut to: the Buffy-Bot walking through the graveyard, twirling her stake. Xander and Anya come around a corner.","BUFFYBOT: Hey there!","XANDER: Buffy!","BUFFYBOT: Xander! Shot of Xander from the bot's perspective. She has a display similar to that of April in \"I Was Made...\" Folders are labeled \"Hard Drive,\" \"Slaying,\" \"Locate Spike,\" and \"Make Spike Happy.\" Under \"Make Spike Happy\" are files labeled \"kissing01,\" \"kissing02,\" \"positions01,\" \"positions02,\" etc. up to \"positions05\" and \"More.\" At the bottom is a readout that identifies Xander with attributes: friend carpenter dates Anya","BUFFYBOT: (OS) And ... The point of view shifts to Anya. Her attributes are: dates Xander likes money ex-demon","BUFFYBOT: (OS) Anya!","Cut to shot of the Buffy Bot's face.","BUFFYBOT: How is your money?","ANYA: (laughs in surprise) Fine. Thank you for asking. (smiles at Xander)","BUFFYBOT: (smiling) Isn't it a beautiful night for killing evil things?","XANDER: I guess.","ANYA: You're back very early.","XANDER: Yeah, how was the whole vision-quest experience?","BUFFYBOT: I don't understand that question. But thank you for asking. Xander looks confused.","BUFFYBOT: You're my friend, and a carpenter.","XANDER: Are you all right? You're all...","SPIKE: (OS) Hey! Wait up! Spike comes running up.","BUFFYBOT: (happily) Spike! (to Xander and Anya) It's Spike. And he's wearing a coat.","SPIKE: (panting) Yes. Uh ... hello all. The bot tries to take his hand but he pulls it away.","SPIKE: Uh, Buffy's back early, I see. Lots of patrolling all around tonight, then, is it? The bot takes his arm and he pretends it hurts, pulls it away.","SPIKE: Ow! Hey. Give a fella a break there, Slayer. She smiles and tries to walk closer to him but he moves away, going closer to Xander and Anya.","SPIKE: Uh, I'm glad you're all here, uh, 'cause, uh, 'cause ... the place is crawling with vamps tonight. Uh, tons of 'em. I, uh, think we oughta split up.","XANDER: We haven't seen any vamps, are you sure there's... They hear a noise and all look to the side. Three vamps come around a corner.","ANYA: You're right.","SPIKE: Yep, guess so. The vamps rush at them. The BuffyBot kicks one and he falls back. Spike engages the second vamp while Xander and Anya take the third. The bot fights like Buffy. Anya circles around with her stake while Xander exchanges blows with the vamp. Spike kicks his.","BUFFYBOT: Spike, be careful! The bot kicks her vamp backward. Shot of two of Glory's demons watching the action from afar. Spike grabs his vamp by the arm and hits him in the back. The third vamp has Xander on the ground and Anya runs behind him. Xander gets his feet on the vamp's chest and shoves him back, right at Anya, who stakes him. The bot punches her vamp several times and he goes down. Spike is still struggling with his foe.","BUFFYBOT: No, get away from him. Shot of the two demons still watching. The bot stakes her vamp. Spike has his vamp kneeling on the ground. The bot tosses her stake to Spike, who catches it and stakes the last vamp. Anya helps Xander up. Spike and the BuffyBot come over to them.","SPIKE: I think that was probably the big action for the night. You two can toddle on home if you want.","XANDER: Uh ... Buffy?","BUFFYBOT: (smiling) Yes. Spike and I will do it alone. You guys head home. Xander looks suspicious, but he and Anya leave anyway. Spike and the bot watch them go. The bot frowns and wiggles her shoulders. Spike comes around in front of her.","BUFFYBOT: Hmm. I don't understand this. I-I did the slaying. I should be...","SPIKE: (leering) Satisfied?","BUFFYBOT: (nods, pouts) But I'm not. I-I'm all ... (wiggles her shoulders) my skin is all hot. (Spike grinning) Do I look hot to you?","SPIKE: Always.","BUFFYBOT: (suggestively) You better feel me to make sure.","SPIKE: I can do that. They kiss.","Cut to Xander and Anya walking through the dark graveyard, out the front gates. They turn and start walking down the sidewalk.","ANYA: (coughs) I breathed in like a quart of vampire dust. That can't be good. (putting her stake away in a coat pocket)","XANDER: I wish Giles told us they were back from the desert. I wish I knew what went on there.","ANYA: Oh, you know, Slayer-Watcher stuff. Probably some silly ritual with an enchanted prairie dog or something.","XANDER: (shakes head) Whatever it was, I think she's still a little spacy.","ANYA: (shrugs) She fought okay.","XANDER: Yeah. (stops walking) Hey, she never asked about Dawn.","ANYA: That's true.","XANDER: Something's wrong. Moaning noises. Xander and Anya look back at the graveyard. Shot of something blurry, impossible to see through the leaves of bushes that separate the graveyard from the street.","XANDER: (softly) I hear something. He gestures to Anya to be quiet as they move toward the bushes. Shot of Spike and the bot still in the graveyard. Spike lies on his back with the bot straddling him and rocking up and down. Her skirt covers their hips.","BUFFYBOT: Oh Spike. You're the big bad. Shot of Anya and Xander watching in amazement.","BUFFYBOT: (OS) You're the BIG bad!","Cut to Willow and Tara sitting on the sofa watching TV. Tara has her head on Willow's shoulder.","WILLOW: Those darn Salem judges. With their less-satanic-than-thou attitude.","TARA: Oh, honey, let's change it. The Discovery channel has koala bears. Willow clicks the remote. Xander and Anya burst in.","XANDER: Where's Dawn?","TARA: She, she's in the bedroom, she fell asleep.","XANDER: Good.","WILLOW: What's goin' on?","XANDER: Buffy's gone insane. (Anya nods)","WILLOW: What? What'd she do?","XANDER: Brace yourself. You're not gonna believe it.","TARA: Everyone, before we jump all over her, people do strange things when someone they love dies. When I lost my mother, I-I did some pretty dumb stuff, like lying to my family and staying out all night.","ANYA: Buffy's boinking Spike. Xander nods. Willow and Tara look surprised.","WILLOW: (pause) Oh ... well, Ta-Tara's right. Grief can be powerful, and we shouldn't judge-","TARA: What are you, kidding? She's nuts!","WILLOW: Well, it's not healthy, we're all agreeing there.","TARA: What can we do?","ANYA: Sometimes in the movies when they go crazy they slap 'em.","XANDER: I'm gonna go find her and talk to her. If she's losing it, we gotta help her before she gets herself hurt.","TARA: You aren't really gonna slap her, are you?","XANDER: No, but if I have to see her straddle Spike again, I will definitely knock myself unconscious. He turns and leaves. Anya shrugs to herself.","Cut to: Buffy asleep on a rock. There's a fire burning nearby. She sits up.","BUFFY: Hello? Who's there? On the other side of the fire, we see the First Slayer (see episode \"Restless\"). Buffy stares.","Cut to: Spike leaning against a pillar, smoking a cigarette. His hair is again messy. Rustling noises. Spike looks toward the door as the Buffy Bot rises from the floor in front of him. They both look over at the noise.","BUFFYBOT: Who's that?","SPIKE: (begins fastening his pants) Uh ... Down there. (points to the trapdoor leading down to the cavern) And, uh, no matter what, don't come out till I get you, okay?","BUFFYBOT: (nods) Okay. She walks over to the trapdoor and starts down. Spike looks toward the door as it opens and Xander comes in.","SPIKE: Oh, it's you.","XANDER: (closes door) I saw you ... in the cemetery with Buffy.","SPIKE: Yeah? (with bravado) Can't see how it's any business of yours.","XANDER: It is my business because Buffy's my friend .. and she's gone through some stuff lately that ... well, it's affected her, and you're taking advantage of her.","SPIKE: (sighs) She's upset about her mum. (takes a drag on his cigarette) And if she turns to me for comfort, well, I'm not gonna deny it to her. I'm not a monster.","XANDER: Yes. You are a monster. Vampires are monsters. They make monster movies about them.","SPIKE: (sarcastic) Well, yeah, you got me there. Xander grabs Spike by the front of his shirt.","XANDER: Spike, Buffy has lost of friends, and we love her very much, and we'll do whatever it takes to protect her. Now if that means killing you, then, well, that's just a bonus. The door opens and Jinx appears.","JINX: Gentlemen! (begins to enter, followed by more demons) I'm so sorry to intrude, but I wondered if I might beg a moment of your time.","SPIKE: (to Xander) Friends of yours? Jinx punches Xander in the stomach.","SPIKE: Guess not. Spike kicks Jinx. Xander struggles to his feet as the fight continues. Xander takes another kick to the chin and goes down again. Spike exchanges more blows until two of the demons get him by the arms. He head-butts another of them.","JINX: Tie his hands! Glory will want him restrained.","SPIKE: (struggling) Let me go!","JINX: Careful with him. She will want the key intact.","SPIKE: Key? Who's a key? I'm not the- Jinx stuffs something in Spike's mouth. Spike continues struggling and muffled yelling as the demons drag him out. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act III","[SCENE_BREAK]","Open on Buffy at the fireside. Throughout the ensuing scene we see the First Slayer through the flames, sometimes obscuring her entirely.","BUFFY: I know you. You're the first Slayer.","FIRST SLAYER: This is a form. I am the guide.","BUFFY: I have a few questions ... about being the Slayer. What about ... love? Not just boyfriend love.","FIRST SLAYER: You think you're losing your ability to love.","BUFFY: I-I didn't say that. (sighs) Yeah.","FIRST SLAYER: You're afraid that being the Slayer means losing your humanity.","BUFFY: Does it?","FIRST SLAYER: You are full of love. You love with all of your soul. It's brighter than the fire ... blinding. That's why you pull away from it.","BUFFY: (surprised) I'm full of love? I'm not losing it?","FIRST SLAYER: Only if you reject it. Love is pain, and the Slayer forges strength from pain. Love ... give ... forgive. Risk the pain. It is your nature. Love will bring you to your gift.","BUFFY: (pause) What?","Cut to the Buffy Bot climbing out of the underground cavern.","BUFFYBOT: Spike? (looks around) I waited like you said, but then I missed you. Spike? She walks off, not noticing Xander lying on the ground behind her.","Cut to: darkness, sound of someone knocking on a door.","WILLOW: Xander, did you- Willow opens the door to discover the Buffy Bot.","BUFFYBOT: Spike's gone!","WILLOW: Bu-Buffy. Uh, come in. Shh! It's late! Willow ushers the bot in, closes the door. They walk through the darkened living room.","WILLOW: Wait. Willow picks up a blanket from the floor, wraps it around herself, and she and the bot go out onto a balcony.","WILLOW: (whispers) We can talk out here. She closes the door quietly and goes over to the bot.","WILLOW: Did Xander find you? He-he was looking for you. Shot of Willow from the bot's perspective. Her attributes are: best friend gay (1999-present) witch good with computers","WILLOW: He hasn't come back. Anya sat up waiting.","BUFFYBOT: I don't know where Xander is. I haven't seen him. And when I came out of the tunnel, Spike was gone. I need to find him.","WILLOW: (winces) Um ... Buffy, this thing with Spike, i-i-it isn't true, is it? You didn't, you know, sleep with Spike?","BUFFYBOT: No. Willow smiles with relief.","BUFFYBOT: I had s*x with Spike. (Willow winces again) I'm sorry if it bothers you. You're my best friend.","WILLOW: I-I am. And I, I always will be, no matter what you do. I, I'm just trying to figure out why this happened, and I, I think with ... your mom and everything ... everyone was being all sympathetic, and, and making you feel weak. A-and Spike wasn't like that. So, just this one time, you just ... did something kinda ... crazy.","BUFFYBOT: (shakes head) It wasn't one time. It was lots of times. And lots of different ways. I could make sketches.","WILLOW: (disgusted) No! Buffy, there is something seriously wrong here! I ... (the bot looks confused) Okay, yeah, you've been with a vampire before, but Angel had a soul.","BUFFYBOT: Angel's lame. His hair grows straight up, and he's bloody stupid.","WILLOW: (confused) Okay ... look, I just wanna help you. Let me help you.","BUFFYBOT: You're my best friend.","WILLOW: Yeah. Again, I ... really am, but...","BUFFYBOT: You're recently gay.","WILLOW: Um... Behind them, the apartment lights up. They turn to see through the window that Xander has returned.","XANDER: (inside) Guys! Guys, wake up. Willow gives the bot one last confused look and goes inside. The bot follows. Tara sits up from sleeping on the floor. Anya gets up from sleeping on the sofa.","ANYA: Oh, Xander, I was scared, are you hurt? What happened?","XANDER: Guys ... demony kinds of guys. Buffy.","BUFFYBOT: Yes, that's me.","XANDER: The guys that work for Glory, you said they're kind of like hobbits with leprosy? Well this was a whole flock of hobbits, and they just grabbed Spike. I think they're taking him to Glory.","WILLOW: But he, he knows about Dawn. (Xander nods)","BUFFYBOT: We have to get him back. (Willow gives her a disturbed look)","XANDER: So how do we find him? Everyone looks at the bot. She looks uncertain.","BUFFYBOT: I fight with weapons.","XANDER: Yeah. I got nothin'. Let's hit your place, we'll stock up.","WILLOW: Uh, Tara, can you stay here a-and watch Dawn?","TARA: Of course. The others all walk off. Cut back to Buffy in the desert.","BUFFY: I-I'm sorry, I, I'm just a little confused. I'm full of love, which is nice, and ... love will lead me to my gift?","FIRST SLAYER: Yes.","BUFFY: I'm getting a gift? Or, or do you mean that, that I have a gift to give to someone else?","FIRST SLAYER: Death is your gift.","BUFFY: Death ...","FIRST SLAYER: Is your gift.","BUFFY: Okay, no. Death is not a gift. My mother just died. I know this. If I have to kill demons because it makes the world a better place, then I kill demons, but it's not a gift to anybody. The First Slayer is obscured by the flames, following the contours of her body.","FIRST SLAYER: Your question has been answered. She, as well as the fire, disappears. All that's left is cold gray rocks and sand. Buffy frowns in confusion.","Cut to: Glory's apartment. The door bursts open and the two main demons enter with Spike, whose hands are tied behind him. Glory gets up from the sofa where she was reading a magazine.","GLORY: What the hell is that, and why is his hair that color?","MURK: Stunning one, we believe he is...","MURK AND JINX: (unison) The key! Spike looks annoyed. Glory smiles.","GLORY: Really? That's fantabulous! (comes forward, shoves Murk away) And impossible. (walks in a circle around Spike) He can't be the key, because, see, the key ... has to be pure. She returns to Spike's front and sniffs at him.","GLORY: This is a vampire. (Spike looks at her in alarm) Lesson number one, vampires equal impure.","SPIKE: (a little scared) Yeah, damn right I'm impure. I'm as impure as the driven yellow snow. Let me go.","GLORY: You can't even brain-suck a vampire. (pats Spike on the chest) He's completely useless.","SPIKE: So, I'm just gonna let myself out. He tries to escape but Murk stops him.","JINX: But, your holiness, we observed the Slayer. She protected this one above all others. (Glory looks over his shoulder at Spike) She treated him as precious.","GLORY: Really? Precious-ss-ss? She pushes Jinx aside and goes over to Spike again.","GLORY: Let's take a peek at you, precious. (looks him up and down)","SPIKE: Sod off.","GLORY: Oh... (laughs) She punches Spike and he flies backward, crashes into the wall and slides down it. There's blood on his lip. Glory comes over and tilts his head up to look at him.","GLORY: He doesn't look very fancy to me. (grabs Spike by the lower lip and pulls him upright)","SPIKE: Hey, watch the lip!","GLORY: But if the Slayer protects him, maybe appearances are deceiving. She throws Spike onto her round bed. He lands on his back with his hands pinned underneath him. As he groans in pain, Glory climbs on top of him.","GLORY: Maybe there's something on the inside. She takes one finger, with its long red fingernail, and thrusts it into Spike's stomach. He screams in pain. Glory leans over him.","GLORY: Shhh. What do you know, precious? What can I dig out of you? Shot of Spike writhing in pain.","Cut to: Summers house, day. Xander opens the door for the Buffy Bot, who enters followed by Xander, Anya, and Willow. They walk into the living room.","BUFFYBOT: (smiling) This is my house.","XANDER: If we're gonna stop Spike from blabbing about Dawn, we're gonna need these. He goes to the big weapons chest and opens it.","ANYA: Ooh, the big guns. Xander takes out a weapon and gives it to Anya, takes out another one for himself.","ANYA: Saddling up. Shouldn't we have guns?","BUFFYBOT: Those are my weapons. Give me something big and sharp.","WILLOW: Um, Buffy, where do we go? Where should we look for Glory?","BUFFYBOT: She's a god. She wants the key.","XANDER: Yeah, so we should look... They all look at the bot.","BUFFYBOT: I don't know. Why are you all looking at me? (They all look confused)","XANDER: Okay, Buff, it's okay, you're right, you shouldn't have to know everything.","BUFFYBOT: We need to rescue Spike.","WILLOW: Um ... Buffy, I, I think you have more weapons upstairs. Why don't you go get those?","ANYA: And maybe change your clothes, you know, something more ... fighty.","BUFFYBOT: I can do that. I'll be right back. She turns with a smile and walks off.","XANDER: Okay, this has gone way too far. She thinks we're going to rescue Spike.","WILLOW: What *are* we gonna do?","XANDER: Find him, keep him from talking, whatever it takes.","ANYA: What do we do with Glory?","WILLOW: Whatever we do, we're gonna need Buffy's help.","XANDER: Then we're gonna have to talk to her.","WILLOW: Intervention time again?","XANDER: Yeah, 'cause what we need right now is a sane Buffy. The real Buffy enters, still wearing her brown pants and turtleneck, carrying her brown coat.","BUFFY: Whoa. Group hang time? The others look surprised.","WILLOW: Tha-that was quick.","BUFFY: Didn't seem like it to me. Death is my gift. (scoffs) The others are completely bemused.","XANDER: Buffy, we need to talk.","BUFFY: (alarmed) What's wrong? Is Dawn okay?","WILLOW: Dawn's fine.","XANDER: Buffy, we care about you, and we're worried about you. The way you're acting, the things you're doing-","ANYA: It's wrong.","WILLOW: Wait. This shouldn't be about blame.","BUFFY: Blame? There's blame now?","WILLOW: No, there's only love. And ... some fear.","ANYA: Which is kind of thrown by the you having s*x with Spike.","BUFFY: The ... who whating how with huh?","ANYA: Okay, that's denial. That usually comes before anger.","BUFFY: (angrily) I am not having s*x with Spike!","ANYA: Anger.","XANDER: No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled.","BUFFY: (firmly) I am not having s*x with Spike! But I'm starting to think that you might be.","XANDER: (scoffs) Buffy, I saw you. Anya too. (Anya nods) We saw you and Spike ... (gestures vaguely) with the straddling. The Buffy Bot enters, looking offended.","BUFFYBOT: Spike's mine. Who's straddling Spike? She strides up next to Buffy, who stares at her in amazement.","BUFFY: Oh my god.","XANDER: (amazed) And so say all of us.","BUFFYBOT: Say, look at you. You look just like me! We're very pretty.","WILLOW: Two of them!","XANDER: Hey, I know this! They're both Buffy!","BUFFY: (annoyed at him) No, *she*'s a robot. She acts just like that girlfriend-bot that Warren guy made. You guys couldn't tell me apart from a robot?","BUFFYBOT: Oh, I don't think I'm a robot.","ANYA: She's very well done. The bot smiles at her.","XANDER: Spike must have had her built so he could program her t-","BUFFY: (horrified) Oh god.","WILLOW: Yikes. Imagine the things-","BUFFY: No! No, no imagining. Any of you.","XANDER: (raises his hand) Already got the visual.","BUFFYBOT: People. Friends of mine. You're forgetting the most important thing. Glory has Spike and she's going to harm him.","BUFFY: (softly) Glory has Spike?","XANDER: (nervous laugh) We were gonna bring that up.","ANYA: We were getting weapons.","BUFFY: Grab 'em. We're going now. I have to kill him.","WILLOW: We don't even know where to look.","BUFFY: (ponders) I know where to start.","Cut to: Glory's apartment. Spike's hands are tied together over his head. He stands in the middle of the room with the demons around the edges. His shirt is torn partly off and his facc is bloody.","GLORY: I have a riddle for you, precious. How is a vampire that won't talk ... like an apple? She walks up to Spike, grabs his hair and pulls his head back. We see that his chest is also bloody and has at least one ugly round wound from Glory's finger. With her free hand she has a dagger which she uses to cut his chest. Spike yells in pain.","GLORY: Think I can do you in one long strip?","SPIKE: (weakly) Enough. No more. I'll tell you who the sodding key is. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act IV","[SCENE_BREAK]","Open on a shot of Sunnydale, daylight. We see the hill atop which is Glory's apartment building. Pan down to the park below.","BUFFY: (OS) Glory's key-sniffing snake was about here when I killed it. It was headed back to her.","WILLOW: (OS) Do you think she lives around here? Pan down more to discover the Scooby gang with Giles and the Buffy Bot standing around. Most of them have weapons, including the bot.","XANDER: It's not a lot to go on. Closer shot of Buffy.","BUFFY: (shrugs) It's all we got.","GILES: (staring at the bot) Quite extraordinary really.","BUFFYBOT: Thank you. But I really think we should be listening to the other Buffy, Giles. (She pronounces it with a hard G like \"guy\") She's very smart and she's gonna help us save Spike.","GILES: Guy-les? (turns to address the real Buffy) Spike didn't even bother to program my name properly.","BUFFY: Listen, skirt girl, we are not going to save him. We're going to kill him. He knows who the key is, and there's no way he's not telling Glory.","BUFFYBOT: You're right. He's evil. (smiles) But you should see him naked. I mean really. Buffy grimaces in disgust.","BUFFY: Okay, guys, split up and spread out. Check the priciest-looking places first. Xander, you come with me. Willow, Anya, stick together, and Guy-les ... Giles- (Giles looks annoyed) you can watch ... it. Giles sighs, turns back to the bot. She gives him a huge grin.","Cut to: Glory holding a glass of water to Spike's lips. He drinks it all. Blood from the wound above his eye and the wound in his lip is trickling down his cheeks making him look quite battered.","GLORY: Is that better? (Spike coughs) Do you think you can try to talk again now? (Spike nods) Good. Because I'm tired of these games! She smashes the glass against Spike's face. It breaks into pieces.","GLORY: (turns away) \"I need time, I need a drink,\" you're a very needy little bloodsucker, (sits on the sofa) and it's not very attractive. Spike glares at her.","GLORY: So start talkin'.","SPIKE: Yeah. Okay. The key. Here's the thing... Shot of Spike's hands with chains wrapped around them. He twists them around trying to loosen the chains.","SPIKE: It's that guy... on TV ... what's his name?","GLORY: (frowns) On the television?","SPIKE: That show ... the prize show ... where they guess what stuff cost?","MURK: The Price Is Right?","JINX: Oh, Bob Barker!","MURK: We will bring you Bob Barker! We will bring you the limp and beaten body of Bob Bark-","GLORY: (jumps up) It is not Bob Barker, scabby morons! The key is new to this world ... (turns back to face Spike) and Bob Barker is as old as grit. (smiles) The vampire ... is lying to me.","SPIKE: (giggles weakly) Yeah ... but it was fun. And guess what, bitch. (Shot of his hands still trying to twist free) I'm not telling you jack. You're never gonna get your sodding key, 'cause you might be strong, but in our world, you're an idiot.","GLORY: I am a god.","SPIKE: The god of what, bad home perms?","GLORY: Shut up! (takes a few steps toward him, pats her hair) I command you, shut up!","SPIKE: Yeah, okay, sorry, but I just had no idea that gods were such prancing lightweights. (Glory scoffs in disbelief) Mark my words, the Slayer ... is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass (Glory checks out her ass in dismay) back to whatever place would take a (sizing her up) cheap, whorish, fashion victim ex-god like you. Glory spins around and delivers a spinning kick to Spike's chest. His hands break free and he goes flying backward, crashing through the apartment's door and into the hallway outside. He does a back-somersault and winds up on the floor against a chair.","SPIKE: (mutters) Good plan, Spike. Shot of Glory surrounded by her demons as the broken chain dangles in front of her.","GLORY: Bring him back.","Cut to: Spike bloodied and limping, dragging himself down the hall toward the elevator. The elevator doors close before he reaches them. One of Glory's demons comes around the corner and sees him.","DEMON: Here! Spike tries to catch the elevator doors before they fully close but he's too late. He lands on his knees and pries the doors open.","SPIKE: Oh, god. Several more demons come running around the corner. Spike leans over and lets himself fall down the elevator shaft. He lands on top of the elevator as Jinx appears in the doorway. Shot of the descending elevator with Spike sprawled on top of it. Jinx and another demon watch it go, then they turn away. Spike rolls over and opens the hatch in the elevator ceiling, falls through it and lands on the floor of the elevator.","Cut to the lobby of the building. The elevator doors open as the group of demons comes down the stairs. Spike gets slowly to his feet.","MURK: You do not insult Glory by escaping. Spike scowls at them. The front door opens and Buffy and Xander enter, carrying crossbows.","MURK: Slayer! Spike closes his eyes in relief and falls back against the elevator wall as Xander grabs one demon by his axe. Buffy shoots the demon with her crossbow. Murk kicks the crossbow out of Buffy's hands and punches her. Shot of Spike crumpling to the floor. Buffy kicks Murk down, ducks a punch from another demon and punches him, kicks a third. Xander uses the axe like a staff to hit another demon, fends him off and stabs a second demon with the axe, takes two punches from the first demon, ducks another punch and hits the demon on the chin with the axe handle. Buffy blocks kicks from Murk, kicks him in the face, ducks a punch, throws a punch that he blocks, punches him a few times. A demon grabs Xander around the neck from behind. Giles and the Buffy Bot enter as Buffy continues fighting Murk.","GILES: Buffy, we're here. Giles loads his crossbow as Buffy delivers a final kick that sends Murk flying. The bot looks over to the elevator.","BUFFYBOT: Spike! Spike's in there! Xander continues struggling with the demon who has him around the neck and is threatening him with a small dagger. Giles hits the demon with his crossbow and grabs him as Xander pulls free. Xander flies forward and lands on another demon on the floor. The bot goes over to the elevator and looks at Spike, who sits on the floor. He's bloody and bruised all over his face and upper chest. Xander punches the demon. Giles continues struggling with the other demon until it throws him to the floor and puts the crossbow to his throat.","GILES: Buffy! The Buffy Bot whirls around. The real Buffy whirls around. The bot throws her weapon aside and grabs the demon off Giles. The demon hits her with the crossbow and she flies against the elevator control panel. The real Buffy kicks the demon, then punches him and he goes down. The bot sinks to the floor looking surprised as tendrils of blue light flash across her body. Jinx and Murk run for the stairs. Buffy watches them go.","Cut to: Glory's apartment. Jinx and Murk attempt to explain to Glory what happened.","JINX: The Slayer was there.","MURK: A lethal fighter.","JINX: She seemed to be everywhere at once.","MURK: She had friends. With many weapons!","JINX: They may have been demons.","GLORY: (smiles) And where's my vampire? The demons look at each other and stammer. Shot of the broken door to the apartment. Sound of the demons screaming.","Cut to: shot of the Buffy Bot's back. A flap of skin is peeled back revealing her inner workings. Willow is poking at the machinery with tools. It makes sputtering noises. Pull out to reveal Tara standing next to Willow. They're in the magic shop. The bot is bent over the table.","TARA: (looks across the table) Is it weird? We see Buffy standing on the other side of the table. Dawn sits beside her.","BUFFY: Oh yeah. (walks closer) At least it's not a very good copy. (sits in the chair next to the bot) I mean... Buffy lays her head down on the table to look into the bot's face.","BUFFY: ...look at it.","WILLOW: Uh ... yeah. (looks up at Tara) The door opens and they look up as Xander and Giles enter. Buffy gets up.","BUFFY: What'd you guys do with Spike? And please let the story have a dusty ending.","XANDER: We dumped him back in his crypt.","GILES: Tried to find out if he'd ... told her anything, but he was too badly beaten to make much sense.","ANYA: Well, even if he told her, he'd just lie to us about it anyway, right?","BUFFY: Yeah, you can count on it. But I have to know. Now. If he did give us up, Dawn and I need to get out of town. I mean, she could be on her way right now. Dawn looks alarmed.","GILES: (to Dawn) But, uh, not to worry, you know, I'm sure we'll all be perfectly safe.","DAWN: (smiles) We're safe, right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with. Buffy frowns, looks at Tara.","TARA: I-it sounded convincing when I thought it.","WILLOW: Hey! I-I think I found somethin'. Anya comes over and looks at the machinery.","ANYA: Uch! Looks very complicated in there. Personally, I'd rather look at guts.","WILLOW: (to Buffy) I found where she's broken. Some of these wires got fried extra crispy. (smiles) It's an easy fix. Buffy gives her an astonished look.","WILLOW: I mean ... not that I would.","XANDER: God, I feel ... kind of bad for the guy. Gets all whupped and his best toy gets taken away.","BUFFY: Xander. Please don't be suggesting what I'd have to kill you for suggesting.","XANDER: No, no, travesty, completely on board, it's just ... the guy was so thrashed. Buffy considers this.","Cut to: Spike lying in his crypt, daylight outside. His facial bruises have swelled up and his hair is still messy. The door slams open. The Buffy Bot stands there, no longer wearing her jacket but still in the pink blouse and skirt. She walks briskly over to the coffin where Spike's lying.","BUFFYBOT: Spike! You're covered in sexy wounds. Spike turns his head toward her. His eyes are swollen mostly shut.","SPIKE: Yeah. (starts to sit up) I feel real sexy. (slowly pulls himself upright) Where you been?","BUFFYBOT: I fell down and got confused. Willow fixed me. She's gay.","SPIKE: Will fixed you? I thought they'd melt you into scrap.","BUFFYBOT: They were confused too. (smiles) Do you wanna ravage me now?","SPIKE: (weakly) Give us a minute. Got some bones need mending.","BUFFYBOT: Why did you let that Glory hurt you?","SPIKE: She wanted to know who the key was.","BUFFYBOT: Oh, well, I can tell her, and then you'll-(turns to leave)","SPIKE: No! (coughs as she turns back) You can't ever. Glory never finds out.","BUFFYBOT: Why?","SPIKE: (quietly) 'Cause Buffy ... the other, not so pleasant Buffy ... anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy her. I couldn't live, her bein' in that much pain. Let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did. She frowns slightly, then leans forward and kisses him softly on the lips. Spike starts to kiss her back, frowns and pulls away. Shot of her looking at him. Spike stares at her in amazement. She turns to walk away.","SPIKE: And my robot?","BUFFY: (turns back) The robot is gone. The robot was gross and obscene.","SPIKE: (lowers his head) It wasn't supposed to-","BUFFY: Don't. That ... thing, it ... it wasn't even real. She turns and takes a few more steps toward the door. Spike sits with his head hanging. Buffy pauses again but doesn't turn back to him.","BUFFY: What you did, for me, and Dawn ... that was real. Spike lifts his head to look at her. She turns to look at him over her shoulder.","BUFFY: I won't forget it. She walks out, closing the door behind her. Spike stares after her. Blackout.","Executive Producer: Joss Whedon."],"Show Title":"Buffy the Vampire Slayer","Episode Number":"05x18","Episode Title":"Intervention","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_06x08.json","Recap":["Willow and Tara argue over an amnesia spell, and Tara insists that Willow is dependent on magic. Willow promises to go a week without using magic but breaches the promise, causing the gang to forget who they are. Buffy and Spike kiss again. Giles goes back to London. Tara and Willow break up."],"Transcript":["\u2022I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. \u2022I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. \u2022You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) \u2022I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Teaser","GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer...","XANDER: We're getting married.","BUFFY: (to Giles) Did you know about this? Anya showing off her ring.","ANYA: He couldn't imagine the rest of his life without me. And then he gave me this. Buffy and Spike at the demon poker game.","DEMON: Ante up. The demons putting kittens on the table.","BUFFY: You play for kittens?! Spike looking annoyed. Buffy and Giles in the workout room.","GILES: Have you spoken to Dawn about that incident at Halloween?","BUFFY: I thought you took care of that.","GILES: Right.","BUFFY: What would I do without you? Willow and Tara at the Bronze.","TARA: Willow, you are using too much magic. What do you want me to do, just ... sit back and keep my mouth shut?","WILLOW: Well, that'd be a good start. Willow and Tara in the bedroom.","WILLOW: Let's just forget it ever happened. Willow picking up the forget herb.","WILLOW: Forget. Buffy talking to Spike in the alley.","BUFFY: I think I was in heaven. I was torn out of there. Willow looking horrified.","BUFFY: Pulled out, by my friends. Buffy and Spike kissing at the end of \"Once More With Feeling.\" Suddenly Buffy whirls around and lifts her stake. Reveal Spike directly behind her. He jumps back a little. Buffy looks annoyed.","SPIKE: Can we talk?","BUFFY: Vocal-cord-wise, yes. With each other? No. She turns, walks a few steps away.","SPIKE: We have to talk.","BUFFY: (stops walking, sighs) About what?","SPIKE: We kissed, Buffy.","BUFFY: So? She resumes walking. Spike follows, a few feet behind.","SPIKE: We ... we kissed, you and me. All Gone With The Wind, with the rising music, and the rising ... music, and what was that, Buffy?","BUFFY: A spell?","SPIKE: Oh, don't get all prim and proper with me. Spike speeds up, walks in front of her. They stop walking.","SPIKE: I know what kind of girl you really are. (Buffy glaring at him) Don't I.","BUFFY: What we did is done. But I will never kiss you, Spike. Never touch you ever, *ever* again. Spike cocks his head, looks about to speak. Suddenly Buffy grabs him and pulls him to the ground. Spike lands on his back with Buffy on top of him. A stake goes flying through the air where Spike just was, ends up stuck in a tree. They both look up. We see a demon with the head of a shark, wearing a flamboyant suit. Behind him are two vampire minions.","SHARK DEMON: Easy, boys. No need to get physical-like. The demon chuckles. Buffy gets up off of Spike, brushes herself off, annoyed. Spike gets up too.","SHARK DEMON: Is there, Mister Spike?","BUFFY: You know this guy?!","SPIKE: Yeah. (to demon) Whadda you want?","SHARK DEMON: (walks forward) You know me, uh ... there are a lot of things I would like, Mister Spike. (pulls the stake out of the tree) A house in Bel Air ... (walks toward Spike) with a generously sized swimming pool ... and of course, the forty Siamese that you owe me. The demon puts his arm around Spike's neck, pulls Spike close to him.","SPIKE: Take it easy, you'll get your kittens. (Buffy rolls her eyes)","SHARK DEMON: Oh, I trust you, Mister Spike. (lets him go)","BUFFY: Oh god, what is it with you guys? Why kittens? Why can't you just use money like everybody else?","SHARK DEMON: (to Spike) She's funny. I like funny in a girl.","SPIKE: I just need a little more time.","SHARK DEMON: Time, time, time! Is what turns kittens into cats! Look, I don't wanna see anyone get hurt. (turns away) Boys. The demon walks a few steps away. The vampires grin, walk forward. Buffy leaps up, grabs a tree branch, and kicks the first vampire with both feet. He lands at the demon's feet. The demon turns back.","BUFFY: Then you'd better close your eyes. She pushes Spike aside and punches the second vampire a couple of times. He goes down. Buffy folds her arms across her chest.","VAMP 1: I said she was the Slayer, boss.","SHARK DEMON: Ahh, good for you. The vampire slayer. (to Buffy) Have you ever given any thought to, uh, freelance work? A little debt collecting, perhaps? Buffy continues to stand there with her arms crossed, giving the demon her no-nonsense look.","BUFFY: No thank you.","VAMP 1: Boss, he's gone. Spike has split. Buffy looks surprised, looks around.","SHARK DEMON: Well, that's what I get for socializing. All right, come on, boys, we'll locate Mister Spike and, uh, *talk* to him a little more. The demon adjusts his tie, turns to go, then turns back to Buffy.","SHARK DEMON: Oh. It was a genuine pleasure. The demon and his minions leave. Buffy looks disgusted, sighs.","BUFFY: (to herself) If I were to stop saving his life, it would simple things up *so* much. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Special Guest Star Anthony Stewart Head. Guest starring Raymond O'Connor and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner, directed by David Grossman.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act I","[SCENE_BREAK]","Open on exterior shot of Xander's building, night. Cut to inside. Anya, Xander, Willow, and Tara sit around the table.","ANYA: Do you think she ... walked around on clouds, wearing like ... Birkenstocks and played a harp? 'Cause those are just not flattering. You know, the clonky sandals, not a harp. (softly) I mean, who ... doesn't look good with a harp? The others just look at her. They all look grim.","ANYA: What? I'm just saying what everyone's thinking, (to Xander) right baby?","XANDER: You are attractive and have many good qualities.","TARA: It's totally not stupid to wonder what it was like for Buffy. But it could have been any one of a zillion heavenly dimensions. All we know is that ... it was a good place and she was happy there.","WILLOW: And we took her away from that. We wrecked it for her.","XANDER: We didn't wreck. We didn't know.","WILLOW: We didn't wanna know. (Tara looks sadly at her) We were so selfish. *I* was so selfish.","XANDER: (shakes head) Maybe we were. I just feel weird feeling bad that my friend's not dead. It's ... too mind-boggling. So I've decided to simplify the whole thing. Me like Buffy. Buffy's alive, so, me glad.","TARA: Not to be Miss Psycho Pep Squad, but we have *got* to stop obsessing about what we did and start trying to make things better for Buffy.","ANYA: I'm with Miss Psycho Pep Squad.","XANDER: Ah, we need to spend more time with her, just hang out. Maybe have ... weekly dinners over here, or, uh ... a book club. Short books. Videos.","WILLOW: I can fix it. I know a spell.","TARA: (angrily) No! No more spells. Xander looks from Tara to Willow, confused.","WILLOW: (to Tara) Then what? This isn't something that's gonna be fixed by a video club. I know I messed up, okay, and ... I wanna fix it.","TARA: I can't believe that we are talking about this again. You know how powerful magic is, how dangerous. You could hurt someone, you ... you could hurt yourself.","WILLOW: (shaking head) I know a spell that will make her forget she was ever in heaven.","TARA: (angrily) God, what is wrong with you?!","XANDER: (getting up) I'm gonna go get that ... phone you probably don't hear. High-pitched ring, ears like a dog.","ANYA: I'm gonna help you with that. Xander and Anya flee into the bedroom leaving Tara and Willow alone.","TARA: Do you think I'm stupid? I know you used that spell on me.","WILLOW: Tara, I'm sorry, I-","TARA: Don't! Just ... don't. (shakes head) There's nothing you can say.","WILLOW: Tara, I didn't mean to-","TARA: To what? Violate my mind like that? How could you, Willow? How could you after what Glory did to me?","WILLOW: Violate you? I ... I-I didn't ... mean anything like that, I-I, I just wanted us not to fight any more. I love you.","TARA: If you don't wanna fight, you don't fight. You don't use magic to make a fight disappear.","WILLOW: But I-I just wanted to make things better. Better for us.","TARA: But you don't get to decide what is better for us, Will. We're in a relationship, we are supposed to decide together.","WILLOW: Okay. I'm ... I realize I, I did it wrong.","TARA: You did it the way you're doing everything. When things get rough, you ... you don't even consider the options. You just ... you just do a spell. It's not good for you, Willow. And it's not what magic is for.","WILLOW: (anxious) But I ... I just wanna help people.","TARA: Maybe that's how it started, but ... you're helping yourself now, fixing things to your liking. Including me.","WILLOW: Tara, no! Tara looks away. Beat.","TARA: (tearfully) I don't think this is gonna work.","WILLOW: Hey. It is, i-it's working. (Tara just looks at her, looks down) Tara, please. I need you, baby. I need you. I don't need magic, I-I don't, I ... let me prove it to you, okay? I, I will go a month without doing any magic. I won't do a single spell. I swear. Tara looks at her, nods.","TARA: Go a week. One week without magic.","WILLOW: (excited) Fine. Fine, that's easy!","TARA: (nods, not convinced) Go a week, and then we'll see. Willow's face falls.","TARA: I don't know, I just ... think we both need some ... I don't know, space. (Willow looks upset) Oh, I can't believe I'm saying this.","WILLOW: Are you saying you're gonna leave me?","Cut to Giles sitting on the sofa in the workout room.","GILES: I have to. Reveal Buffy standing beside him. She looks shocked.","BUFFY: Uh-huh. She sits on a pile of exercise mats, frowning.","GILES: You have to be strong. I'm, I'm trying to-","BUFFY: (jumps up) Trying to, to what? (angrily) Desert me? Abandon me? Leave me all alone when I really need somebody?","GILES: (quietly) I don't want to leave-","BUFFY: So don't. Please don't. She goes to sit beside him.","BUFFY: I can't do this without you.","GILES: You can. That's why I'm going. As long as I stay you'll always turn to me if there's something comes up that you feel that you can't handle, and I'll step in because, because ... (pause, sighs) Because I can't bear to see you suffer.","BUFFY: Me too. Hate suffering. Had about as much of it as I can take.","GILES: Believe me, I'm loathe to cause you more, but this... Giles pauses. Buffy looks on the verge of tears.","GILES: I've taught you all I can about being a slayer, and your mother taught you what you needed to know about life. (Buffy looks away, pouting) You ... you're not gonna trust that until you're forced to stand alone.","BUFFY: But why now? Now that you know where I've been, what I'm going through?","GILES: Now more than ever. The temptation to give up is gonna be overwhelming, and I can't let-","BUFFY: So I won't! No giving up. You can be here, and I can still be strong. Beat. She stares at him anxiously.","GILES: Buffy, I've thought this over ... and over. I believe it's the right thing to do.","BUFFY: You're wrong. She gets up and strides out. Giles just sits there.","Cut to: interior of the Summers house. Angle down the stairs from above. Tara and Dawn stand at the foot of the stairs.","DAWN: (calls up the stairs) Willow, come on, you ready? Willow appears at the top of the stairs wearing a towel around her body and another towel on her hair.","WILLOW: Not so much. You go ahead, tell Giles to hold up. I'll be there in a sec.","TARA: (annoyed) Fine. (moves toward the door)","DAWN: Hurry up. You don't wanna miss the lowdown on our latest featured creature. Willow watches Tara and Dawn leave. Then she goes back up the stairs, off camera. Magic sound-effect. Willow reappears, fully dressed and with her hair dried and combed, smiling. Willow walks down the stairs and into the living room. She opens a cabinet and takes out a plastic bag that was hidden behind some books. She kneels by the fireplace, takes a large piece of Lethe's Bramble (forget herb) from the bag and puts it in the fireplace.","WILLOW: For Buffy and Tara, this I char. She strikes a match and sets the flowers on fire.","WILLOW: Let Lethe's Bramble do its chore. Purge their minds of memories grim, of pains from recent slights and sins. She reaches into a small pouch on her belt, takes out a clear crystal and holds it in the flames.","WILLOW: When the fire goes out, when the crystal turns black, the spell will be cast. (pulls the crystal back) Tabula rasa, tabula rasa, tabula rasa. She puts the crystal back in her belt-pouch, gets up and leaves.","Cut to exterior shot of the magic shop.","DAWN VOICEOVER: So whadda we got?","Cut to inside. Giles, Anya, and Tara sit at the round table. Anya and Tara are thumb-wrestling. Buffy sits on the stairs leading to the loft. Dawn stands nearby.","GILES: (to Dawn) Sorry?","DAWN: What kind of oogly-boogleys? Lizardy types, or um, zombies, or, or vampires, or what?","GILES: (cleaning glasses) There are no oogly-boogleys, Dawn. The door opens and Xander and Willow enter. Willow is wearing Xander's jacket.","WILLOW: Thanks for the jacket. It's cold out there.","XANDER: Not a problem, the cold only makes me stronger and more macho-like. They come over to join the others. Giles stands.","GILES: I'm glad you're here, um... The others look expectantly at him. Buffy just glares.","GILES: I have something I really have to tell you all. Um ... I know it feels like we've been through this before-","BUFFY: Why don't you just jump to the chase? (gets down from stairs) Tell them that you're- The door opens again and Spike rushes in, sizzling slightly from the sunlight. Everyone turns to look. Spike is wearing an old-fashioned brown suit with a bow-tie, and a padded hat with earflaps.","GILES: Spike?","ANYA: Holy moly.","SPIKE: You need to give me asylum.","XANDER: I'll say.","XANDER: No need to get cute. (takes off hat, throws it down) It's a disguise. Happens there's a bloke I'd rather not see just now. Spike walks farther into the store as the others watch in amusement. He hops up to sit on the counter beside the cash register.","SPIKE: (to Buffy) You met him, I believe. Toothy bloke with the baby-seal breath? Buffy rolls her eyes.","SPIKE: Nasty fellow, him. And ugly too. Willow looks down, pulls the crystal from her pouch to check it. It glows green.","SPIKE: (OS) He's got a mouthful of choppers just waiting to be yanked out and worn as necklaces. Shot of the exterior of the Summers house. Fade to inside. Close shot on the fireplace. A spark from the fire lands on the bag of herbs that Willow left lying beside the fireplace. It all begins to burn with a green light. Cut back to the magic shop.","GILES: Well, now that we've recovered from Spike's ... sartorial humor, (sighs) I'll jump (glancing at Buffy) to the chase. Um ... I'm headed back to England (Dawn looking surprised) and I plan to stay ... indefinitely. Giles sits beside Anya. Everyone looks surprised.","XANDER: Now? Not now, I mean, not after ... everything.","GILES: Yes, now.","ANYA: For real this time? 'Cause honest to Pete, a young shopkeeper's heart can only take so much ... I mean, not that I want you to go-","BUFFY: I can't do this. Buffy walks quickly past them, up the stairs, toward the door.","BUFFY: I just, I don't think...","WILLOW: Buffy, listen. Buffy stops, turns back.","WILLOW: I know this must be awful for you, and I, I'm sorry, I ... I'm so sorry for... Buffy nods impatiently.","BUFFY: Sorry. Everybody's sorry. I know that you guys are just trying to help ... but it's just, it's too much. And, and I, I can't take it any more. (tearful) If you guys ... if you guys understood how it felt ... how it feels. It's like I'm dying, it- Suddenly she falls to the floor, unconscious. The others all fall down too. Giles and Anya slump over together in their seats. Willow and Xander fall to the floor in a heap. Spike falls over onto some books on the counter.","Cut to the living room. Zoom in on the smoking pile of ashes that used to be the entire bagful of Lethe's Bramble. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act II","[SCENE_BREAK]","Open inside the magic shop. It's now night. Everyone is still asleep. Pan across Giles and Anya leaning on each other, Tara by herself in a chair, Dawn on the floor on the lower level. Spike on the counter, Willow and Xander on the floor together, and Buffy on the floor on the higher level. Buffy stirs, wakes, sits up.","BUFFY: Huh? She stands up, frowning. Goes to a light switch and turns the light on. The others begin to stir. Willow sits up, sees that she was snuggled with Xander, gives a gasp and jumps back. Xander sees her and gasps too. They stare at each other. Xander gives her a cheesy seductive grin.","XANDER: Hey.","WILLOW: (uncertain) Hey? Anya wakes up, yawns. Giles's head is on her shoulder. He lifts his head, sees that he drooled on her, wipes at her shoulder with his hand. Anya looks very startled. Tara wakes up, looks around in confusion. Anya turns to see who's behind her. She and Giles frown at each other in confusion.","GILES: Hello? Spike, still asleep, rolls over and falls off the counter with a crashing noise. Dawn wakes up shrieking at the noise. Spike gets to his feet behind the counter, looks around. Dawn sits up on the floor, scoots back into a corner looking around fearfully. Buffy comes forward.","DAWN: Who, who are you people? Buffy kneels beside Dawn. Dawn cringes back","BUFFY: Don't worry.","DAWN: Please don't hurt me! (moves away from Buffy)","BUFFY: Oh, it's okay. I don't know anyone here either.","DAWN: (nervous) Yeah? Who are you?","BUFFY: (confused) I, uh...","XANDER: (scrambling to his feet) Okay, who are you freaks? Buffy, Dawn, and Willow stand too.","WILLOW: You don't know me?","XANDER: Not a clue.","WILLOW: But you were just all like, (imitating him) 'oh, hey.'","XANDER: Yeah, 'cause I thought you were a girl and I'd remember, but...","WILLOW: (grabs her breasts) Well, I am a girl! I'm ... not sure ... who I am exactly, but...","XANDER: (yelling) Okay, why was I on the ground? And why are you all staring at me? Is this some kind of psych test? Am I getting paid for this?","GILES: (gets up) It's not just you. Does anyone remember anything? Everyone shakes their heads.","SPIKE: Nope.","GILES: (smiling) Well, maybe we all got ... terribly drunk and this is some sort of, uh, blackout.","DAWN: (uncertain) I don't think I drink.","ANYA: I-I don't see any booze. I don't feel any head bumps. (looks around) I don't see Allen Funt.","GILES: Who?","XANDER: (panicky) Okay. I'm not panicking. I'm not. I'm not. (everyone looking at him) Stop looking at me like I'm panicking!","BUFFY: Hey, hey, take it easy, guy. Okay, no one's hurt, right? And, and none of us look all hatchety-murdery, so ... we're probably safe. Here. Wherever here is.","WILLOW: (looks around) Look at this stuff on these shelves. Weird jars of weird stuff. She goes over to the counter, looks at the jars behind Spike.","WILLOW: Weird books with weird covers, like (picks up a book from the counter) Magic for Beginners. (revelation) Oh!","TARA: (gets up) This is a magic shop. A-a-a real magic shop.","BUFFY: Well, maybe that's it. Maybe something magic happened-","GILES: (scoffs) Magic! Magic's all balderdash and chicanery. I'm afraid we don't know a bloody thing. (everyone looking at him) Except I seem to be British, don't I? Uh, and a man. With ... glasses. (removes glasses) Well, that narrows it down considerably.","DAWN: (tearfully to Buffy) I don't like this.","BUFFY: It's okay, don't worry. We'll take care of each other. Buffy brushes hair back from Dawn's face. Dawn smiles a little.","GILES: We'll all get our memory back, and it'll all be right as rain.","SPIKE: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. (everyone looking at him) You Englishmen are always so... (pauses) Bloody hell! (ticks off on his fingers) Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks, oh God! I'm English!","GILES: (puts glasses on) Welcome to the nancy tribe.","SPIKE: You don't suppose you and I ... we're not related, are we?","ANYA: There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance. Giles smiles at Anya with pleasure.","GILES: (to Spike) And you do inspire a, um ... (Spike walking out from behind the counter) particular feeling of ... familiarity and ... disappointment. Spike walks up to Giles, scowling. They look at each other.","GILES: Older brother?","SPIKE: (scoffs) Father. (Giles looks outraged) Oh, god, how I must hate you.","GILES: What did I do?","SPIKE: There's always something, and what's with the trollop? (indicates Anya)","ANYA: Hey!","GILES: Her?","SPIKE: I saw you! Sleeping together.","GILES: Resting together.","ANYA: Look! (holds up her hand with the engagement ring) It's okay. We're engaged.","GILES: (smiling) Oh.","ANYA: It's a lovely ring.","SPIKE: Oh, great, a tarty stepmom who's half old Daddy's age.","ANYA: Tarty?","GILES: Old? You little twerp, I'm young enough to still get carded.","WILLOW: Carded! Driver's licenses! Everyone reaches into their pockets and bags to dig out I.D.","XANDER: (looks at his wallet) It's me! 'Alexander Harris.' Cute picture. (holds it up to them) Hey, I exist.","WILLOW: I'm Willow Rosenberg. (looks at Xander) Heh, Willow. Funny name.","TARA: I think it's pretty.","WILLOW: (smiles at Tara) Whadda you got?","TARA: (holds up her I.D.) Tara, and look, I'm a student at U.C. Sunnydale.","WILLOW: Me too! Hey, maybe we're study buddies. (Tara smiles)","DAWN: (to Buffy) I don't have a wallet.","BUFFY: Don't worry. Me neither. But here, look. Buffy reaches to Dawn's neck. We see that Dawn is wearing a necklace with her name on it. Buffy holds it in her fingers.","BUFFY: You're Dawn.","DAWN: (smiles) Or, Umad.","GILES: I'm, uh, called Rupert Giles.","ANYA: (smiling fondly) Rupert.","SPIKE: Rupert! (giggles)","GILES: You're not too old to put across my knee, you know ... sonny. (Spike still laughing) Anyway, what did I call you?","SPIKE: Um... Spike examines his clothing, finds a label on the inside of his suit jacket.","SPIKE: 'Made with care for Randy.' (looks at Giles angrily) Randy Giles? Why not just call me 'Horny Giles,' or 'Desperate for a Shag Giles'? I knew there was a reason I hated you!","GILES: Randy's ... a family name, undoubtedly. Anya fingers something around her neck, goes behind the counter.","WILLOW: Oh, hey, I have a name on my jacket. (takes off jacket to look) Harris.","XANDER: Harris? That's my last name. Maybe I have a brother and you go out with him. (Willow looking uncertain) Or maybe you go out with me.","WILLOW: Well, we did wake up all snuggly-wuggly. (walks closer to him) Maybe you're my boyfriend.","XANDER: Either that, or I got one pissed-off brother out there somewhere. (both smile)","ANYA: I'm Anya! Everyone looks over at Anya by the cash register. [Note: Anya pronounces her name wrong.]","ANYA: Um, this key fits this lock. And, uh, the forms ... next to the cash register say that, uh, Rupert and, and Anya own the shop together.","GILES: This is *our* magic shop? (goes over to Anya) Uh, well, that's very, uh, uh, progressive of me.","DAWN: (to Buffy) So you don't have a name?","BUFFY: Of course I do. I just don't happen to know it.","DAWN: (smiling) You want me to name you?","BUFFY: Oh, that's sweet, but I think I can name myself. (thinks) I'll name me ... Joan. [transcriber's note: great choice!]","DAWN: (makes a face) Ugh!","BUFFY: What? Did you just 'ugh' my name?","DAWN: No! I just ... I mean, it's so blah. Joan?","BUFFY: I like it. I feel like a Joan.","DAWN: (chuckles) Fine, that's your purgative.","BUFFY: Prerogative.","DAWN: Whatever, Joan.","BUFFY: Whatever, Umad.","DAWN\/BUFFY: (unison) Boy, you're a pain in the\/Boy, you're bossy! They look at each other in surprise.","DAWN: Do you think we're-","BUFFY: Sisters? They smile and hug each other.","SPIKE: (to Giles) You never showed me affection like that! Giles looks confused.","SPIKE: ...I'd wager.","BUFFY: Well, we need to figure out what's going on. We need to get help.","SPIKE: Looks like Joan fancies herself the boss.","BUFFY: We have a kid here-","DAWN: A teenager.","BUFFY: A teenager. And we have no idea what's wrong with us. I think a hospital's our best bet. Anya is fiddling with Giles's clothing.","GILES: Uh, yes, let's, um, let's head out. They all start walking toward the door. Xander offers Willow his arm, and after a moment she takes it.","BUFFY: Any suggestions on how we're gonna get there?","SPIKE: Dad can drive. He's bound to have some classic midlife-crisis transport. (puts arm around Giles's shoulder) Something red, shiny, shaped like a pen1s. They all get to the front door. Buffy opens it. The shark demon's two vampire minions stand there, snarling. Everyone screams. Buffy closes the door and they all huddle on the floor under the window.","BUFFY: Did you guys see that?","SPIKE: Vampires!","TARA: Maybe it's Halloween.","DAWN: It doesn't feel like Halloween.","XANDER: Even if it is, those guys are definitely not kids, and those are definitely not costumes. Randy's right. Looks like we have vampires. Sound of banging on the door.","VAMP: (O.S.) Slayer!","XANDER: They're definitely not knocking for candy.","WILLOW: Okay, doors, we need to check to see if there's other doors, a-and make sure they're locked and put large objects in front of them. Come on. Willow and Xander go off toward the back.","BUFFY: Monsters are real. Did we know this?","TARA: I don't know, but we n-need our memories back. We have to get to a hospital. (Buffy nodding)","GILES: As, uh, proprietor of a magic shop, I propose we fight them. (Buffy shaking her head) We can use things here in the shop, you know, magic ... tricks or whatever. The vamps continue banging. We see one of them at the window.","VAMP 2: Send out Spike!","GILES: They seem to want spikes.","SPIKE: Oh! Spike goes off, comes back with a handful of stakes.","SPIKE: Let's give 'em these.","GILES: Well done. They all pick up stakes and examine them.","DAWN: But wait, what are they going to do with them?","VAMP: (O.S.) Slayer, come out and play!","TARA: 'Slay her,' that's just what they said before. (horrified) Th-th-they're gonna use the spikes to-","BUFFY: To slay someone? A female someone! (Giles looking horrified) Who do those jerks think they are?","ANYA: Bloodsuckers. They kill by sucking blood. Take it easy, Joan.","WILLOW: (O.S.) You guys! Willow and Xander return.","XANDER: Trap door in the basement, it seems to lead to the sewer.","ANYA: Let's go! They all get up, huddled in a mass together, and start rushing toward the back. The vampires peer in the windows. Suddenly the front window busts in and one of the vampires appears. All the Scoobies scream and run for the back. The back door bursts open revealing the other vampire. They all scream more and back away. Xander drops to his knees, clasps his hands and looks upward.","XANDER: Now I'm not sure what I am so bear with me here. (in background we see one vamp grabbing Buffy, who shrieks) Now I lay me down to sleep, uh, shabat Israel, uh, om, om. The second vamp goes past Xander and grabs Spike, slams him up against a bookcase. Spike looks scared.","VAMP 3: You owe us!","SPIKE: Fine! Take your damn spikes! Spike pulls the stakes from his jacket and tosses them at the vamp. They clatter to the floor. Spike tries to go past but the vampire stops him.","VAMP 3: Don't be stupid.","BUFFY: Get your hands off me, you son of a- We see Buffy struggling with the other vamp. He puts his hand over her mouth.","VAMP 3: I said you owe us.","SPIKE: Who, me?","VAMP 3: You've got the boss's kittens.","SPIKE: Kittens?! Buffy breaks free, knees the other vamp in the groin and punches him. The other Scoobies watch in amazement. The first vamp pushes Spike back against the wall again. Buffy runs over and pulls him away.","BUFFY: Hey! Stay away from Randy! She stakes the vampire and he dusts. The Scoobies and Buffy watch in complete wide-eyed amazement.","DAWN: Whoa!","WILLOW: What did you just do?","BUFFY: Uh ... I... The other vamp slides past and makes for the door as Buffy turns to face the Scoobies, holding the stake, still looking amazed.","BUFFY: I don't know. (slow smile) But it was COOL! The others slowly begin to smile too.","VAMP 1: The boss ain't gonna like this! I'll be back. And I won't be alone! The vamp flees out the front door. Spike shuts and locks it behind him, then drops the metal security grate down over the broken window.","BUFFY: (to others) I think I know why Joan's the boss. I'm like a superhero or something! The others stare at her. Xander slumps to the floor in a faint.","Cut to outside. The shark demon paces as the minion vampire talks to him. In background we see other vampires trying to look in the window of the magic shop.","VAMP 1: The boys want to taste blood, boss. They wanna break down the door.","SHARK DEMON: The boys are barbarians. There's no need to do that. The humans will turn on him soon enough.","Cut to inside. Buffy peers out at the demon and vampire activity.","SHARK DEMON: (O.S.) And if they don't, we'll burn the place to the ground. Buffy turns away from the window to face the others.","BUFFY: Okay. I've got a plan.","XANDER: I'm all ears.","BUFFY: They seem to want Randy. And I seem to be pretty strong. Wicked strong. So, you guys go through the sewers to get to the hospital, and Randy and I'll give the monsters a run for their money.","SPIKE: That's your plan?","BUFFY: Yes.","SPIKE: Right.","ANYA: I'm not leaving the shop. I have to protect the cash register, and ... do some spells.","GILES: Oh. Well, magic might help, yes, it's worth a shot.","BUFFY: All right. You work on that then. We need to go. Ready, Randy?","SPIKE: Ready, Joan. Spike steps forward.","GILES: Um, son. (Spike stops) Come here. Um, please.","SPIKE: Um...","GILES: Yes, um... Spike goes over to Giles and they hug awkwardly, then Spike pushes Giles away.","SPIKE: Right.","GILES: Good, then. Spike and Buffy go out the front. Willow, Xander, Tara, and Dawn go toward the back. Giles and Anya stay where they are.","Cut to outside. A couple of vamps stand by the front door talking. Buffy and Spike emerge. Buffy shoves the vamps aside, and she and Spike begin to run. The vamps pursue them. One vamp grabs Spike by the shoulder and turns him around. Spike morphs into vamp face and hits the other one, sending him flying. Buffy stops running, looks back.","BUFFY: Randy!","SPIKE: (turns to her) Hey, I'm a superhero too! Buffy sees his vamp face, looks horrified. She turns and runs off with a scream.","SPIKE: Joan, where're you going? Spike turns around and a vamp hits him in the face. He goes down. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act III","[SCENE_BREAK]","Open on the same scene. Spike gets up and confronts another vamp. Spike blocks a kick and a punch, punches the vamp. We see several more vamps surrounding Spike. He hits one, takes a kick in the stomach, kicks back, punches another vamp, kicks another, grabs a third and throws him into a fourth. All the vamps go down.","SPIKE: (calls) Hey! Joan! Wait up! He runs off.","Cut to the sewer. Xander and Tara stand at the bottom helping Dawn climb down the ladder.","XANDER: Almost there, come on. There we go. Dawn reaches the bottom with their assistance.","DAWN: Thanks. Xander and Tara help Willow climb down next. She reaches the bottom with her hands on Tara's shoulders. They look at each other for a moment, then separate. They all begin walking slowly through the sewer.","DAWN: (sings) The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah. The ants go marching one by- Dawn cuts off with a gasp as a vampire appears in front of them. They all scream, turn and run back the way they came. The vampire pursues them.","Cut to the magic shop. Giles blows dust off a book while Anya is in background looking at another book. Giles gets dust on his hands, digs in his pockets looking for something to wipe them with.","ANYA: This must be nice for us.","GILES: Sorry?","ANYA: I mean ... I know there's... Giles finds something in his jacket pocket, pulls it out. Close shot of Giles' plane ticket on \"Global Airlines\" going from Sunnydale to Los Angeles and thence to London Heathrow.","ANYA: (OS) ...the vampire problem, and our memory loss, and all that, but still... Giles stares at the plane ticket, confused.","ANYA: ...to spend this time together alone? Must be nice.","GILES: (puts ticket back in his pocket) Uh, yes, yes, um, I'm sure that's right. Um, which, uh, which book shall we start with? Anya takes a book from the shelf, brings it over to him.","ANYA: (smiling) This is the book for us.","GILES: (takes book) Oh, good. Does it focus on mind control, or-or memory loss?","ANYA: Not exactly, I just, um ... my intuition tells me this is the book. (Giles stares at her) And I figure being a magic shop owner and a natural at the supernatural, I should trust my intuition.","GILES: Y-yes, fine, but as you recall, (caressing her face) I too am a magic shop owner.","ANYA: True, but my intuition says that you're not so much the magic guy and more of a paperwork type. (Giles frowns) Okay, here we go. Anya sets the book on the table and opens it to a random page.","GILES: But you don't even know-","ANYA: (reads from book) Bara bara himble gemination. A bunny suddenly appears on the table in front of Anya. She screams and grabs Giles.","Cut to Spike running down the street, still in game face.","SPIKE: Wait up! He runs up to Buffy, grabs her arm. She turns, grabs his arm with her other hand, flips him over onto the ground. She kneels, straddling him and holding him down.","SPIKE: Bloody hell, what are you doing?","BUFFY: (staring at him, realizing) You don't know who you are.","SPIKE: Right, none of us do, and we're being chased by-","BUFFY: You're a vampire!","SPIKE: (shocked) How can you say - I, me, a vampire? No.","BUFFY: Check the lumpies. And the teeth. Spike puts his hand up to his face, feels his forehead and teeth. Buffy sits up but remains straddling him. He lifts his head to look at her.","BUFFY: I kill your kind.","SPIKE: And I bite yours. (drops his hand from his face) So how come I don't wanna bite you? (Buffy frowns in confusion) And why am I fightin' other vampires? Spike gets a look of revelation on his face, lifts himself up onto his elbows.","SPIKE: I must be a noble vampire. (Buffy looks dubious) A good guy. On a mission of redemption. I help the hopeless. (chuckles) I'm a vampire with a soul.","BUFFY: (frowning) A vampire with a soul? (beat) Oh my god, how lame is that?","Cut to the magic shop. Close on Giles.","GILES: Perhaps we should try another book.","ANYA: (O.S.) No! Reveal Anya standing on a chair holding the book close to her face. We see that there are bunnies everywhere: on the floor, the counter, the bookshelves.","ANYA: This book made the little fluffers, and this book's gonna send 'em back. I've got it this time, okay. (reads) 'Himble abri, abri voyon.' Another bunny appears by Giles's feet.","GILES: Yes, dear. Anya looks alarmed. Cut back to the street. Spike paces back and forth while Buffy stands rolling her eyes.","SPIKE: I'm a hero really. I mean, to be cast such an ugly lot in life and then to rise above it. To seek out better, nobler things. It's inspirational, isn't it? And the two of us... (gestures from Buffy to himself) natural enemies, thrown together to stand against the forces of darkness. Utter trust. No thought of me biting you, no thought of you staking me.","BUFFY: Depends on how long you keep on yapping. Sound of growling. They both turn to see four vampires striding toward them. Spike and Buffy move closer to each other, watching with alarm.","Cut to the sewers. The four Scoobies running. Tara is in the lead. She looks to her left, sees a space behind some pillars, runs over to hide there. The others follow. The vampire runs past, not seeing them. Tara peeks out.","TARA: Come on. This way. Up the ladder. They run to a ladder, climb up to an elevated tunnel leading to a large pipe. A metal grate blocks the entrance. They move it aside, climb through. Xander closes the grate behind him while the others huddle around the corner in the pipe.","XANDER: (whispers) He's coming! They all huddle quietly as the vampire goes past again, growling. Willow and Tara are huddled together with their faces close to each other. They look at each other, look away awkwardly, but continue sneaking looks at each other.","Cut to the magic shop. Giles is sitting on a chair.","GILES: Clearly that is not a helpful book, *darling.* We see that the shop is even more full of bunnies, and also a green cloud that hovers in the air by the ceiling. Anya stands on the round table with her head almost in the green cloud. The bunnies crawl around sniffing the floor.","GILES: Come down, and we will go about fixing this in a sensible fashion!","ANYA: Sensible! You think it's sensible for me to go down into that pit of cotton-top hell, and let them hippity-hop all over my vulnerable flesh?","GILES: Fine, then just stay up there and keep making bunnies! That's a capital plan!","ANYA: What capital? I never know what you're talking about. Loo, shag, brolly, what the hell is all that?","GILES: What? There's no way that you could remember me saying any of those words.","ANYA: Oh, bugger off, you brolly.","Cut to the street. Spike and Buffy are fighting the other vamps. Buffy fights two at once, kicks one away, takes a kick in the face from the other. She kicks the other one back.","BUFFY: Note to self: learn to duck. She moves forward. One of the vamps has Spike by the arms and is holding him in place while another vamp hits him. Then the second vamp kicks Spike and he breaks free, goes down, gets up and hits the first vamp. We see the shark-headed demon watching. Spike ducks a punch, kicks, then head-butts another vamp, removes a scarf from around his own neck and uses it like a whip on the fallen vamp. Buffy kicks over a mailbox, picks up its wooden post and uses it to stake a vamp as he runs at her. She turns and thrusts it at another vamp, who knocks it out of her hands. Buffy blocks a couple of punches, punches him a couple of times, kicks him, but he grabs her foot, hits her, then flips her over backward. She lands on her feet, ducks a kick and kicks the vamp away. Spike holds one vamp by the arm while punching another, then shoves them into each other.","Cut to the magic shop. Giles is sword-fighting with an animated skeleton.","GILES: (yells) Get a different book! (grunts) Put that book down, do you hear? Not ... that... (ducks a sword thrust) book!","Cut to the sewers. The others are still sitting in their hiding place. Xander and Tara are peering out at the sewer tunnel. Willow sits opposite Dawn.","WILLOW: How you doin', Dawn?","DAWN: Uh, I'm okay. It's scary ... but, weirdly? Kind of familiar.","WILLOW: (frowns) I know what you mean.","DAWN: How are you?","WILLOW: A little confused. I mean, I'm ... all sweaty ... and trapped, no memory, hiding in a pipe from a vampire... She pauses, looks over at the others, then back at Dawn, still frowning.","WILLOW: And I think I'm kinda gay. Dawn looks surprised.","Cut to the magic shop. Shot of the counter with the cash register on it. Giles's head peeking over the counter from behind. He looks around cautiously. Growling noises from the main area of the shop (which we don't see). Giles starts, pulls his head back down. We see Anya huddling behind the counter beside him.","GILES: (whispers) Look what you've done, you lunatic woman! (looking through a pile of books in his lap)","ANYA: (whispers) Don't blame me, you snobby, snotty, thinks he's so great kind of jerk ... and I feel compelled to take some vengeance on you. She hits him over the head with her book.","GILES: (still whispering) Ow! God, no wonder I'm leaving you!","ANYA: What?!","GILES: Look! (pulls out the plane ticket) One-way ticket to London, and out of this engagement!","ANYA: (upset) Of all the nerve! Anya pulls off her engagement ring and throws it at Giles. It bounces onto the floor and rolls out in front of the counter, with a tinkly metal noise. The growling noises continue.","ANYA: Now look at what you've done! That thing is gonna eat my ring. Giles looks embarrassed, continues looking through his book. Cut back to the sewer. Xander peeks out through the grate as the vampire begins to climb toward it.","VAMP 1: I smell fear ... and it smells good. Xander, Tara, Willow, and Dawn begin fleeing through the pipe. The vampire goes to the closed grate, peers in to the pipe, retreats back into the sewer. Xander emerges into the sewer from another hole in the pipe. He peeks around a corner and the vampire punches him. Xander grabs the vamp, who pushes him away. Xander punches the vamp a couple of times, then the vamp blocks a punch and throws Xander to the ground. Cut back to the magic shop. Giles and Anya still huddled behind the counter. Giles reads from the book.","GILES: (whispers) Fatas ... venga ... mata ... waray! Blue light flashes through the store, and the growling noises stop. Giles and Anya look up, then get up to peek out at the store. They both stand up. The bunnies and monster and green cloud are all gone.","GILES: Oh ... that's better. Anya rushes out from behind the counter, picks up her ring.","ANYA: Oh, thank goodness. (puts it back on)","GILES: (comes out from behind counter) I'm so sorry, dear.","ANYA: No. Rupy, I'm sorry. You were right. That was the wrong book.","GILES: Oh ... um ... (stutters, removes his glasses) Yes, it was. But I'm, I'm still sorry.","ANYA: Don't leave me.","GILES: Oh, Anya. He walks over to her and kisses her, bending her over backward.","Cut to the sewer. Tara, Willow, and Dawn look out of the pipe. Tara and Willow jump down to the ground, look around. The vampire appears and growls at them. Willow gasps, grabs Tara and they fall to the ground, Willow on top of Tara. The crystal falls out of Willow's pouch and onto the ground.","XANDER: (O.S.) Hey! Over here, big guy! Willow and Tara gaze into each other's eyes. Dawn ducks back into the pipe as the vampire turns toward Xander.","XANDER: (O.S.) Check out this throbbing jugular! The vampire goes over to Xander and tries to grab him. Xander punches him. Dawn hops down from the pipe, looks over and sees the vampire punching Xander in the stomach. Dawn bends down, picks up a piece of wood from the ground. The vampire punches Xander again in the stomach and then the face. He throws Xander over a piece of pipe. Xander lands on his back on the ground.","DAWN: Alex! Dawn throws the piece of wood to Xander, who catches it and uses it to stake the vamp as he attacks. Xander and Dawn stare as the vamp turns to dust. Willow and Tara remain lying on the ground together, their faces inches apart. Tara reaches up and brushes hair away from Willow's face. They smile slightly. Willow bends down as if to kiss Tara. Xander gets up, groaning. He walks forward. Close shot of Xander's foot coming down on the crystal. It gives off a green light as it smashes. Xander looks down at it, looks dizzy for a moment. Willow and Tara pause before actually kissing. Willow gets off of Tara and they both sit up. Tara gives Willow an angry look. Willow looks over at the crystal. Shot of the broken pieces of crystal lying on the ground. Cut back to the magic shop. Giles and Anya still kissing. Suddenly they stop and their eyes widen. Cut back to the street. Buffy and Spike still fighting vampires. Spike holds a vamp by the arms as Buffy kicks him, then punches him and he falls to the ground.","BUFFY: Don't mess with Joan the v- Buffy suddenly pauses, stands still with a small frown as her memories return. A hand appears and punches her in the face. She goes down. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act IV","[SCENE_BREAK]","Open on the same scene. Buffy lies on the ground panting. A vampire stands over her. He kicks her in the stomach, twice. She gasps in pain.","SPIKE: Buffy! Buff- Another vampire attacks Spike. Spike punches him.","Cut to the sewer. Tara stands up, still giving Willow a look of disgust. Willow stays sitting, looking up at her. Slowly Willow looks down, feels her belt pouch and finds it empty. Dawn goes to stand by Xander, both watching Willow. They look down at the broken pieces of crystal. All stare at Willow. Suddenly Xander gives a little laugh. Everyone looks at him.","XANDER: Sorry, I just got back the memory of seeing King Ralph. Willow continues looking shocked and Tara looking angry.","XANDER: We should get back. Xander and Dawn start walking. Tara looks down at Willow. Willow stands up and looks at her. Tara looks away, doesn't meet her eyes. Willow looks sad, starts to follow Xander and Dawn. Tara begins to cry, turns and follows them as well.","Cut to the magic shop. Shot of Giles holding a broom, sweeping.","GILES: Well, this place certainly needs a good tidying. Pan across to Anya vigorously scrubbing the round table.","ANYA: Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Wide shot of the two of them cleaning. A large bookcase separates them from each other. Cut back to the street. Buffy lies on the grass holding her stomach and groaning. Fight noises continue. Spike slams two vampires together. They both go down.","SPIKE: From dust... He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a stake, thrusts downward at one vamp.","SPIKE: ...to dust. He stakes the second vamp. The shark-headed demon walks up behind him.","SHARK DEMON: You're an odd duck, Mister Spike. Fighting your own kind ... palling around with a Slayer. (Spike turns to face him) And whoa, that suit! Chutzpah must be your middle name. (chuckles weakly) Uh, hey, look, um ... about our little debt problem, it's okay, I don't need the kittens. Spike grabs the demon by the front of his suit, pulls him close.","SPIKE: You'll get paid. I'm no welsher.","SHARK DEMON: Right, sure. (Spike lets him go) You're good for it, I know that. I'm just going to, uh ... yeah. He clears his throat, walks away quickly. Spike turns, sighs, walks over to Buffy. Buffy still lies there holding her stomach, panting. Spike's hand comes into shot, reaching out to her. She looks at it.","SPIKE: You all right? Buffy gives him an angry look, gets to her feet without taking his hand. She scowls at him, walks past him and away. Spike watches her go, sighs.","Cut to the Bronze. Michelle Branch is onstage singing her song \"Goodbye To You\". Of all the things I believed in I just wanna get it over with Tears warm behind my eyes, but I do not cry Counting the days that pass me by Buffy sits at the bar, staring vacantly in front of her. I've been searchin' deep down in my soul Words that I'm hearin' are starting to get old Buffy looks on the verge of tears again. Cut back to the band onstage. Feels like I'm starting all over again The last three years were just pretend And I said...","Cut to the Summers house. Tara takes a pile of clothing from the cabinet, turns, looks around. Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything That I knew Tara walks over to the bed, puts the clothes in a cardboard box sitting there. She glances toward the door, starts to cry.","Cut to a long shot of Willow sitting on the floor in Buffy's room with her knees pulled up to her chest. You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to","Cut to a closer shot of Willow, then even closer. She stares ahead sadly. Cut back to Tara folding and packing her clothes. Guitar music continues. Cut back to the Bronze. Close shot on the singer as she starts the second verse. I used to get lost in your eyes And it seems that I can't live a day without you","Fade to Giles sitting on the plane surrounded by other passengers. He stares off in front of him. Closin' my eyes, you chase my thoughts away To a place where I am blinded by the light But it's not right Goodbye to you Cut back to Willow still sitting, crying. Goodbye to everything That I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried... Cut back to Buffy in the Bronze. ...to hold on to Spike walks up beside Buffy. She looks over at him. He looks at her questioningly. Buffy turns her face away from Spike, breathes deeply as if trying to hold back tears. Spike looks frustrated, walks away. Fade back to the band onstage. And it hurts to want Everything and nothing at the same time I want what's yours and I Want what's mine The song pauses for a moment, then resumes. I want you But I'm not giving in this time Goodbye to you","Cut to the Summers house. Tara walking down the stairs holding a box. The front door of the house is open. She walks out onto the porch. Goodbye to everything that I knew Dawn is on the porch leaning against a post. Tara puts her box on top of another, reaches out to Dawn. But before she can touch her, Dawn turns and runs back inside. You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to Tara watches Dawn go, looks sad.","Cut to Willow still sitting and crying. The one thing that I tried to hold on to","Cut to Giles on the plane.","Cut to the Bronze. Pan across various couples walking around, holding hands, talking, etc. Goodbye to you Pan around the stairs and we discover Spike and Buffy standing underneath the stairs kissing. Goodbye to everything that I knew Buffy pulls back for a moment, then resumes kissing Spike. You were the one I loved... Blackout.","Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END"],"Show Title":"Buffy the Vampire Slayer","Episode Number":"06x08","Episode Title":"Tabula Rasa","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_06x21.json","Recap":["The Scoobies continue to try and stop Dark Willow, who is now intent on destroying the world. After Dark Willow neutralizes Buffy, though, Xander is the only one left who can save the day. Meanwhile, in Africa, Spike completes the demon trials and gets his reward."],"Transcript":["\u2022I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. \u2022I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you really want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. DO NOT POST MY TRANSCRIPT ON YOUR SITE WITHOUT MY NAME ON IT! \u2022 I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Close shot of Buffy's gravestone.","XANDER VOICEOVER: This is what happened this year. Buffy in her coffin being revived.","WILLOW VOICEOVER: Tomorrow night, we're bringing Buffy back. Buffy's hand bursting out of her grave.","XANDER VOICEOVER: You're talking about raising the dead. Buffy and Spike in the alley behind the Magic Box.","BUFFY: I think I was in heaven. I was torn out of there by my friends. Giles in the magic shop.","GILES: I'm headed back to England. Giles on the plane.","GILES VOICEOVER: I plan to stay. Buffy and Willow in the video arcade in \"Gone.\"","BUFFY: So you three have, what, banded together to be pains in my ass?","WARREN: We're your arch-nemesises. Tara and Willow in the Bronze.","TARA: Willow, you are using too much magic. Willow doing magic.","TARA: I don't think this is gonna work. Willow crying. Tara packing.","WILLOW: Are you saying you're gonna leave me? Willow getting her \"fix\" at Rack's.","BUFFY VOICEOVER: Willow has a problem.","WILLOW: I need help! Buffy and Spike kissing.","SPIKE: We kissed, Buffy. I'm in love with you.","BUFFY: You're in love with pain!","SPIKE: You afraid I'm gonna- Buffy kissing Spike.","SPIKE: Things have changed.","BUFFY: The only thing that's different is that I'm disgusted with myself. Buffy and Spike in the crypt.","BUFFY: It's over. I'm using you. Xander and Anya in the magic shop.","XANDER: We're getting married.","DAWN: Congratulations. The wedding that wasn't.","ANYA: Xander's missing? What do you mean Xander's missing? Xander walking in the rain in his tux. Xander and Anya in their apartment.","XANDER: I wish we could just go back to the way things were before. Anya morphing into demon face.","ANYA: And I wish you were never born. Anya and Spike having s*x in the Magic Box. Anya and Xander arguing.","ANYA: You left me, Xander! At the altar!","XANDER: So you go out and bang the first body you can find?","SPIKE: It's good enough for Buffy.","XANDER: Shut up and leave her out of- Xander, Anya, and Spike looking at Buffy. Dawn in the magic shop stealing stuff.","GILES VOICEOVER: We can't ignore this kind of behavior. Something needs to be done before it spins out of control. Tara and Willow in their room.","TARA: Can you just be kissing me now? Willow and Tara kissing. Spike and Buffy struggling in the bathroom.","SPIKE: I'm gonna make you feel it!","BUFFY: No, stop! Buffy pushing Spike away.","BUFFY: Ask me again why I could never love you. Spike on his motorcycle.","SPIKE: Get nice and comfy, Slayer. I'll be back. Spike riding off. Warren storming into the back yard.","WARREN: Think you can just do that to me? Warren shooting at Xander and Buffy. Tara getting shot. Willow getting blood on her shirt.","WILLOW: Tara? Xander looking at the injured Buffy. Willow holding Tara.","WILLOW: Tara! Willow talking to the demon.","WILLOW: Bring her back!","DEMON: It is done!","WILLOW: Nooooo! Xander watching the paramedics work on Buffy.","ANYA VOICEOVER: Something terrible has happened, I know. Willow with the words from the magic books sliding up her arms.","ANYA: You don't have to-","WILLOW: I need power. Willow and Buffy in the hospital room.","XANDER: Will, what are you doing? She's gonna die.","WILLOW: No she isn't. The bullet lifting out of Buffy's body. Willow stopping the bus on the side of the road.","BUFFY VOICEOVER: We need to find Willow. Spike in the cave.","DEMON: You want to return to your former self.","SPIKE: Bitch is gonna see a change. Willow tormenting Warren in the forest.","WARREN: Somebody! Please! God!","WILLOW: Bored now. Warren's skin being torn off.","BUFFY: Willow, what did you do?","WILLOW: One down. Willow disappearing.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Teaser","[SCENE_BREAK]","XANDER: I think I'm gonna be sick.","ANYA: Again?","BUFFY: Xander, we don't have time.","XANDER: (panting) I know, it's just ... what happened back there, the sounds of it. The smell. (Anya looking impatient)","BUFFY: I know.","XANDER: Willow did that.","BUFFY: That's why we have to keep moving.","Buffy puts her hand on Xander's shoulder and coaxes him back into motion.","BUFFY: You heard what she said, \"One down.\"","ANYA: So we're talking about \"two to go,\" right, Jonathan and whatshisface, the other guy.","BUFFY: Andrew. They're sitting at county jail without a clue Willow's coming.","XANDER: You don't think she's gonna kill them too? She wouldn't. It doesn't make sense.","BUFFY: Willow's got an addictive personality, and she just tasted blood. She could be there already.","ANYA: No. She couldn't, a witch at her level. She can only go airborne. (they stop walking and look at her) It's a thing. More flashy, impresses the locals, but it does take longer.","XANDER: Longer than what?","ANYA: Teleporting. And Anya disappears in a swirl of magic.","XANDER: Right. Vengeance demon. (sarcastic) Well, at least she'll get there first.","BUFFY: I'm counting the ways that could go wrong. (they resume walking)","XANDER: Well, Anya can handle herself.","BUFFY: Against Willow? Tonight ? Don't be too sure.","XANDER: Well ... she should be coming down at some point, shouldn't she? I mean, back there she was out of her head ... running on grief and magicks.","BUFFY: Doesn't matter . Willow just killed someone. Killing people changes you. Believe me, I know.","XANDER: Warren was a cold-blooded killer of women just warming up. You ask me, that b*st*rd had it coming to him.","BUFFY: Maybe. Andrew and Jonathan don't. They walk a moment in silence.","XANDER: This is still Willow we're dealing with, right?","BUFFY: I hope so. Whatever she's going through, we have to stop her. And maybe we can actually do that if we can get to your... They pause, looking at something ahead. Shot of a car half-hidden by bushes, with smoke coming out of the hood. The camera pans around and we see that there's also a large hole in the windshield.","BUFFY: ...car.","XANDER: Willow.","BUFFY: I guess she wants to finish the job without us tagging along. (looks at Xander) Meet me at the jail.","XANDER: Sure, how are you gonna... Buffy starts running. She does a huge leap over the car and surrounding bushes and runs off at slayer-speed.","XANDER: (calls after her) Okay, then, I'll just ... catch up. She's only my best friend, you know. No big deal, just... He trails off in frustration. He has walked up to the car and now he slams his fist down on its lid angrily. Then winces in pain.","XANDER: ...glad I could help. Wolf howl, opening credits. Guest Starring Danny Strong, Tom Lenk, and Jeff Kober. Written by Douglas Petrie, directed by Bill Norton.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act I","[SCENE_BREAK]","Open on exterior shot of the Sunnydale police station, night.","Cut to inside, lobby. Various cops and civilians going around doing paperwork, etc.","Cut to the hallway on the cell block. A guard sits at a desk at the end of the hall. A janitor goes by, mopping the floor. We see Jonathan standing by the bars of his cell, holding the bars, while in the background Andrew is sitting on the lower bunk bed holding his wrist up to his ear.","ANDREW: Dude. Move like, a foot to your left.","JONATHAN: (not moving) What for?","ANDREW: I'm trying to hear something.","JONATHAN: Like what? Andrew prods his wrist.","ANDREW: (conspiratorially) Signals.","JONATHAN: Oh, for crying out loud. (turns to face Andrew) Signals? Who from, your probe-happy alien friends? Say, maybe we can trade a pack of cigarettes in for tin foil. Make you a nice antenna hat.","ANDREW: Laugh it up, fuzzball. I figured it out. (softly) Warren never abandoned us. Well, not me, anyway. This is like his test. If we can figure out how he's communicating with us, then we'll be, you know, worthy.","JONATHAN: (incredulous) You're checking for implants?","ANDREW: (defensive) Lex Luthor had a false epidermis escape kit in \"Superman Versus the Amazing Spider-Man\" Treasury edition-","JONATHAN: Okay, first of all, those were sonic disrupters. And second of all ... you are sadness personified. Waiting for Warren? Yeah, maybe he'll come bust us out of here on Santa's magic sleigh.","ANDREW: (stands up angrily) I'm telling him you said that.","JONATHAN: Why wait? I'll tell him right now. Jonathan grabs Andrew's elbow and holds it up to his own face.","JONATHAN: Hey, Warren, do you read me, your girlfriend's pathetic, over.","ANDREW: (pulls his arm away) Shut up, Jerk-athan! You see this? This is why we get jet packs and all you get is left behind.","JONATHAN: So you admit it.","ANDREW: (shrugs) Why not? You were out of the Trio a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away and you know why, little feller? No respect for the chain of command.","JONATHAN: Yeah, see how far it's gotten you. Checking every hole in your sad little body for transmitters that don't exist.","ANDREW: Oh I'll find it if I have to check every hole in my body and yours. Andrew shoves Jonathan. Jonathan slaps at him. They grapple and start to fight, geek-style.","JONATHAN: Get off!","ANDREW: Make me! Suddenly Anya appears in their cell in a swirl of magic. The blast throws the two nerds against the bars.","ANYA: There you two are.","ANDREW: (to Jonathan) You do that? (Jonathan shaking his head)","ANYA: Listen to me. We have to get you out of here or you'll both be killed. (calls) Guard!","JONATHAN: What's going on?","ANYA: Guard!","ANDREW: Stop that! (to Jonathan) I don't trust her. Do you trust her? This is major uncool.","JONATHAN: Um, Anya, you're gonna have to break this down for us a little.","ANYA: (annoyed) Warren shot Buffy. Warren shot Tara. Buffy's alive. Tara's dead. Willow found out, and being the most powerful Wicca in the western hemisphere, decided to get the payback. With interest. Jonathan looks sobered.","ANDREW: Wh-what about Warren?","ANYA: She killed him. Ripped him apart and bloodied up the forest doing it. Now she's coming here and the two of you are next.","ANDREW: Oh my god ... Warren.","JONATHAN: Oh my god ... me. (turns to the bars and yells) Guard!","ANDREW: But we didn't do anything.","JONATHAN: Guard! The policeman at the desk gets up and walks over.","OFFICER: All right, all right, what do you... He sees Anya in the cell and pauses, confused.","OFFICER: Who the hell are you?","ANYA: Something's coming. Something bad. You have to let these men out of here or I guarantee you there will be hell to pay.","OFFICER: Okay, uh ... what exactly's coming?","ANYA: One of the many things in this world you are not prepared to deal with.","OFFICER: (scoffs) That a fact?","ANYA: Yes. And we're running out of time. So just believe me when I tell you... She quickly teleports herself out of the cage and reappears standing next to the guard.","ANYA: ...these things are real. They're dangerous. And they're coming.","Cut to outside. A cop sits in his police car looking at some paperwork. He looks up at the dashboard. A cup of coffee sits on the dashboard. Slowly it begins to jiggle, the coffee sloshing around in the cup. The cop stares at it. Suddenly a flash of lightning illuminates his face. He looks out the car window to his left. In the street a few feet away there's a whirling tornado of gray smoke, with lightning flashing around it. It coalesces into Willow. Leaves and random trash go flying down the street in the wind. The cop gets out of his car quickly.","PATROL COP: What the hell was that? Willow walks toward him. Her eyes are normal at this point though her hair is still completely black.","PATROL COP: Listen, I don't know what you think you're doing, but just-","WILLOW: Take a nap. The cop falls down on the ground. Willow looks up at the police station building. She walks back a few steps to size it up. It's mostly brick, with large arched windows that have been bricked over. Cut back to the cell block.","ANYA: ...so please, stop looking at me like it's your first trip to the circus and do your job. Let them out! Cut back to outside. Willow stands on the street, staring up at the second story of the building. Suddenly one of the bricks covering a window flies out. Cut back to the cell. The brick that came out was in the rear wall of Andrew and Jonathan's cell. They turn around to look, as a few more bricks come out too. Willow watches as more bricks come out of the wall, falling to shatter on the ground in front of her. Andrew and Jonathan flatten themselves against the bars, as far from the wall as they can get. The wall continues to come apart.","OFFICER: You three stay here.","ANDREW: Oh, like we have a choice!","OFFICER: Don't move. You'll be safe here. The cop puts a hand on his gun and runs off.","ANYA: Are you even listening?! This is the one place they won't be safe! Cut back to outside. Willow continues staring fixedly at the building. Bricks continue to pop out. Now a piece of the surrounding wall falls out as well. Another big chunk of the wall comes out and falls onto a parked police car underneath. More cops begin to rush out from the building, yelling. Willow puts up a hand.","WILLOW: Back off. A cop goes flying backward and slams into another car. The other cops keep coming. Another one of them goes flying. One of the remaining cops turns to stop the ones coming out from the building.","COP: Hold it! The remaining cops stop several yards away from Willow, pointing their guns at her and yelling. Cut back to the cell as the wall continues to come apart.","ANDREW: (scared) Stop it, just stop! (to Jonathan) Why is she doing this? Tell her, we didn't do anything.","JONATHAN: Yes we did. We signed on, we teamed up, we wanted to see where our plans would take us, well take a look. Another shot of the wall being ripped apart.","JONATHAN: This is it.","ANDREW: Maybe for you.","Cut to outside. A bunch of cops are lined up facing Willow, pointing guns at her. Buffy comes running up and stops beside the building, peering around the corner at the scene. We see it from Buffy's point of view: Willow standing surrounded by bricks and pieces of mortar, the crowd of cops pointing guns at her and yelling, other cops helping each other up off the ground. Buffy turns and finds a door right behind her. She puts her hand on the knob. Cut back to the cell.","ANDREW: Anya. Teleport us out of here, please. Take us with you.","ANYA: I can't. It doesn't work that way.","ANDREW: Oh, god. (more pieces of the wall coming off) HELP!","Cut to the lobby. More cops go running across, headed for the front. Various sounds of yelling. Behind them a door smashes open, kicked by Buffy. She runs in, vaults over a divider wall, runs to the stairs and starts up.","Cut to outside. Willow is still looking up at the hole in the building as a crowd of cops gathers in front of her, pointing guns and yelling. Willow puts her hands out and down by her hips, and lifts up into the air, floating toward the hole.","Cut to the cell. Willow appears in the hole in the wall, grabs the sides of it and climbs inside. The cell is empty. Willow looks around, then sees that the cell bars have been bent aside, making a hole.","WILLOW: Buffy. Reveal Anya standing in the hallway just beyond the bars.","ANYA: Willow , just stop for a second and listen to- Willow lifts her hands and hits Anya with a blast of magic. Anya flies backward and hits the opposite wall, falls down unconscious. Willow turns away and screams a shrill, loud scream of anger. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act II","[SCENE_BREAK]","Same scene: Willow still screaming. Cut to the street. Buffy, Jonathan, and Andrew come out of the police station through the same door that Buffy entered earlier. Willow's scream is audible. Andrew has his hands over his ears.","ANDREW: Aah! What is that sound? God, it kills.","BUFFY: We have to make a run for it.","Buffy peeks around the corner. We see the cops still gathered by the front door, holding their guns and staring upward. Some cops covering their ears.","ANDREW: Are you kidding? She's like Dark Phoenix up there! You expect us just to outrun her?","BUFFY: Pretty much. A police car comes roaring up behind them. We see Xander at the wheel.","XANDER: Get in. Buffy pushes Andrew and Jonathan toward the door. They start to climb into the car. Buffy runs around to the other side. The car starts moving with Buffy not yet in. It starts around the corner toward the gathered cops. Buffy runs alongside, gets the door open and jumps in. The car speeds off. A couple of cops yell and chase it briefly. The screaming noise continues throughout all this.","Cut to a little later. The car drives down a dark street.","BUFFY: Is she coming?","XANDER: (checking rear-view mirror) I don't see anything.","BUFFY: (to Jonathan and Andrew in the back seat) Are you guys all right? They stare at her. She realizes it was a dumb question.","BUFFY: Are you injured?","JONATHAN: I, I don't think so.","ANDREW: Where are you taking us?","BUFFY: (pauses) We'll find someplace safe and we'll keep you there until we can stop Willow.","ANDREW: Run and hide, that's your brilliant plan?","JONATHAN: I don't believe this.","XANDER: Boys, if you don't knock it off, I will pull this car over and you can just walk to your painful deaths from here.","Cut to the police station. Willow walks out the front door. She pauses, looks around, starts off in the direction the car went. Cut back to the car.","JONATHAN: I don't get it. Willow's a witch. Why doesn't she just , you know, wave her arms and make us dead?","BUFFY: Because she doesn't want you dead. She wants to kill you.","ANDREW: But we didn't do anything. Buffy twists around in her seat and punches Andrew in the face.","ANDREW: (whiny) Ow!","XANDER: Hate to admit it, Buff, but Jonathan may have a point. Why isn't she right here right now?","BUFFY: (uncertain) Maybe she's just getting her mojo up and running. Or maybe she hasn't figured out exactly how much power she really has yet. (beat) Neither have we.","XANDER: Guess we keep running, then.","JONATHAN: I still can't believe that was Willow. I mean, I've known her almost as long as you guys. Willow was ... you know. She packed her own lunches and wore floods and was always... just Willow. Beat. Both Buffy and Xander look pensive. Suddenly the entire car shakes violently. We see something behind it, very close. Xander looks in the mirror.","JONATHAN: Geez it!","ANDREW: What was that? Reveal a large truck behind the car, with Willow standing on top of the truck's cab. Her eyes are all-black again. She holds her hands in front of her, elbows extended, palms facing out.","XANDER: Just Willow. The truck races along immediately behind the car. Pan down from Willow to reveal the truck driver, struggling with the steering wheel, then giving up and throwing his hands up in the air. Buffy and Xander look nervously at their side mirrors. Shot of the truck from the rear window of the car. The truck's grille looms very close. The truck speeds up and rams the back of the car a second time. Xander looks scared, keeps the car under control. The truck rams the car again.","XANDER: O-okay, any ideas?","BUFFY: Drive faster. The car speeds up and pulls ahead. But then the truck speeds up and catches up again. Another hit. The bumper of the car comes partly detached and scrapes along the ground. The truck hits the car yet again. Everyone in the car looks scared.","XANDER: This is faster!","JONATHAN: She knows you're in this car too, right? They look back at the truck.","JONATHAN: Right?! Buffy looks back nervously. Shot of Willow grimacing, hunching over a little.","JONATHAN: She's draining.","XANDER: She's what-ing? Willow grimaces more, falls down to a sitting position on top of the truck.","JONATHAN: Just keep going. Long shot of the car and truck rounding a corner onto a wide, deserted four-lane road. The car's bumper still drags behind, throwing up sparks. Xander concentrates on his driving. Shot of Willow now on all fours and staring at the car, still grimacing. Buffy, Andrew, and Jonathan watch anxiously from within the car. The truck driver yanks at the wheel and finds it responding now. He swerves left, then right. Much screeching of tires. The truck comes to a stop. The car continues speeding away. The driver gives a sigh of relief. Andrew and Jonathan watch through the rear window of the car.","ANDREW: (relieved laugh) Cool. The car speeds on, the bumper finally detaching completely and lying in the middle of the road.","Cut to: Spike's crypt. Dawn is standing by the windows, looking out nervously, fidgeting.","CLEM: (O.S.) Not that I'm knocking the nacho cheese ones. I like the taste. It's just the texture I can't deal with. Dawn ignores him. Reveal Clem with two separate bowls of chips in front of him. He picks up a chip and eats it, contemplating.","CLEM: So gritty. (Dawn looking at him) Kinda hurts my tongue. So, I'd give 'em a seven. Maybe a seven-five ... and, you think this is dumb, don't you?","DAWN: Uh, no! No, as taste tests go, this is definitely one of the better ones I've been to. CLEM: I get it. No biggie. (sighs) Uh, you wanna play cards?","DAWN: Clem...","CLEM: I can be a real boredom-buster, if you just give me half a chance.","DAWN: It's not you.","CLEM: Still, I feel responsible. (walking over to her) It's not fair ... girl your age, cooped up in a crypt. Tell you what, let me get my hat and coat, I'll take you to a movie. We'll go nuts! (coaxing) PG-thirteen.","DAWN: (frustrated) Clem!","CLEM: Uh-huh?","DAWN: Look at me. Do I look weak to you? O-or incapable?","CLEM: Heck no.","DAWN: So why am I stuck here?","CLEM: (shrugs) No good reason I can see. (sighs) I'm still real sorry about what happened. If there's anything I can do to help ... just name it.","DAWN: (sly) Anything?","CLEM: Ohh ... you're not going to get yourself in trouble now, are you? Or me? 'Cause your sister's the Slayer; I'm a demon, that's real good incentive to get along with her.","DAWN: I need a demon to help me. She walks a little ways toward the door.","DAWN: Spike would have.","CLEM: Spike's gone. Dawn looks upset.","Cut to: the African cave. It's very dark. Spike stands there, shirtless and barefoot, wearing his black pants, pacing a little. The shadowy demon from \"Villains\" speaks to him.","DEMON: You understand, then.","SPIKE: Yeah. (bored) Yeah, it's not like you haven't been clear about it, oh great mysterious one. This is a test. I don't get what I want unless I pass said test. That about the size and shape?","DEMON: Yes.","SPIKE: And since your pad is decked out gladiator-style, and no number two pencils have been provided ... I guess we're not starting with the written. Spike looks around nervously. A person walks up behind him. Spike turns and sees him. He appears to be human, but very large and muscular.","SPIKE: Oh, here we go then. Just me and the walking action figure. I'm venturing this would be the kill-or-be-killed type of situation, then?","DEMON: To the death.","SPIKE: Right. Spike faces his opponent, anticipating.","SPIKE: Here we are now. Entertain us. The muscled man holds up his fists and smacks his forearms together. Both his hands burst into flame. Spike looks alarmed.","SPIKE: Oh, son of a b... Muscle-man punches Spike in the head. He goes down. Another punch. Spike scrambles backward on his butt and hands. Shot of muscle-man from Spike's POV as the flaming fist swings down again.","Cut to: a back alley somewhere, night. Two people walk along. Cut closer to reveal they are Clem and Dawn.","DAWN: Rack's place was right around here last time.","CLEM: Oh, huh, I don't feel anything. (quickly) Oh well. Not here. Let's go home.","DAWN: You don't feel anything because his place moves. I told you. (they stop walking)","CLEM: Know why Rack moves all the time? Because he's shady. A bad element comes down here.","DAWN: I get that. But Willow's part of it now. She is the element. If she isn't around somewhere, Rack may know where she is. Which is why we need to talk to him.","CLEM: (nervous) We? In a face to face way?","DAWN: (impatient) Or me. I'll go in there without you.","CLEM: No, no, it's fine, I'm good, it's just, Rack isn't partial to the floppy-eared. (Dawn looking skeptical) He has a thing! But, but hey, I'm in. Absolutely.","DAWN: Either way. Just get me there. (resumes walking)","CLEM: Say Rack does know where Willow is. He's not going to tell you for nothing. He's gonna want something.","DAWN: I have money.","CLEM: (sighs) That's not the kind of something he's gonna want. Rack likes little girls.","DAWN: (stops walking, angrily) I am not a little girl.","CLEM: I, I don't know if you've thought this through. I'm supposed to keep you safe (Dawn looking annoyed) and this whole thing is... I mean, even if you find Willow ... you really think you can stop her? Dawn stares at him, not sure what to say.","Cut to the magic shop. The door opens and Anya enters, followed by Xander, then Andrew, Jonathan, and Buffy. Anya strides into the middle of the room impatiently.","XANDER: Thanks, Anya, for getting here so fast. It's a big help.","ANYA: Once again, Xander in need of the big help.","XANDER: Whatever. So, can you still sense Willow? Knowing her location'd be a real big comfort right about now. They go over to the table that still holds the pile of now blank magic books.","ANYA: No, I can't. Which means whatever she's feeling, it's gone way beyond simple vengeance.","XANDER: Did I mention me needing the comfort?","BUFFY: Whatever we've got, better grab it fast. This is one of the first places she's gonna think to look for us.","ANDREW: (alarmed) Then what are we doing here? You know, I could summon a demon that would kill her. They all turn to look at him, angry.","XANDER: And I could smack you so hard your eyeballs would switch sockets. BUFFY: No one is getting killed. Sit down. Jonathan and Andrew go to sit down. Anya moves off.","BUFFY: We need to find some sort of magicks that'll stop Willow. Or at least slow her down. XANDER: But she drained the place. Anya does something at the cash register. Buffy and Xander look at the blank books.","XANDER: (holding up a book) Took everything.","ANYA: Not everything. Anya has a small key in her hand. She reaches under the counter to pull something out.","XANDER: What is it? Xander and Buffy walk over. Anya produces a medium-sized wooden chest. She opens it and takes out a book.","ANYA: Um, book of protection spells. Anti-magic, our last resort.","XANDER: Think you can work this stuff?","ANYA: (looking at book) Ah. Okay. Well, the good news is, text is intact. Bad news is, ah, I can't read a word of it. It's like in, ancient Sumerian or something. Close on the book, whose yellowing pages are covered in symbols. Jonathan gets up, walks a little closer.","JONATHAN: Could I take a look at it?","BUFFY: Shut up.","JONATHAN: Right. Jonathan starts to turn back to his seat, pauses, addresses Buffy.","JONATHAN: I just thought, you know, as long as you're protecting us, the least I could do is-","BUFFY: I'm not protecting you, Jonathan. None of us are. We're doing this for Willow. The only reason it happens to be your lucky day? Is because Willow kills you, she crosses a line, I lose a friend. (gets right up in Jonathan's face) And I hate losing.","JONATHAN: I get that. It's just ... you know she's running out of power, right? I can tell. I can practically feel it. (quietly, embarrassed) I've dabbled in the magicks.","XANDER: I think Willow's in a league of her own about now, dabble-boy.","JONATHAN: But still, running that hot for that long, it's just a matter of time before you gotta re-charge, no matter how juiced up you are.","BUFFY: Thank you. Now you remember that thing we talked about?","JONATHAN: About me shutting up? Buffy nods.","JONATHAN: (whispers) Right. He goes back to his seat beside Andrew. Xander pulls Buffy aside.","XANDER: Buffy, let's say this works. And we stop Willow from working the hoodoo for a minute. What then?","BUFFY: I talk to her.","XANDER: Great. And say what? Buffy takes off her hat, runs her hand through her hair, sighs.","BUFFY: Look ... whatever she's gonna do, she starts with those two. (indicating Andrew and Jonathan) They're the line she cannot cross. And if she's running low on magicks ? Then she's probably somewhere right now trying to get it all back.","Cut to: Rack's place, night. The door opens (POV of someone entering the room), revealing a junkie boy lying blissed-out on the floor with his eyes closed, holding a lit cigarette. Pan over to Rack, sitting on the floor between a sofa and a coffee-table, laying out runestones on the sofa. He doesn't look at the camera.","RACK: Hey, babe. I been waiting for you. He lays down another stone and looks over. Reveal Willow standing in the doorway, her eyes back to normal.","RACK: Guess the rehab didn't take, huh. That's the way it goes sometimes. He gets up and walks slowly toward her.","RACK: But I gotta say ... I could feel you coming a mile away, the power you got. And you know something, sweetness? (whispers) I liked it. He keeps moving closer, all sleazy and creepy-seductive. Willow doesn't react, just stands there.","RACK: When you first came to me, you were just a little ... slip of a girl. He gets right up behind Willow, puts his hands on her shoulders and moves them down out of shot.","RACK: Look at you now, all ... growed up. So full of dark juice. He moves to the other side of her, still behind her, his hands on her shoulders. He reaches up and brushes hair back from her face, nuzzles her ear. She still just stands there.","RACK: And you still taste like strawberries. Only now ... (moves around in front of her) ...you're ripe. He stays right there in her face, almost like he's about to kiss her. He even puts his hand on her chin.","RACK: You came because you want something. Don't you? Willow nods slowly.","RACK: I thought so. (stroking her cheek) So tell me, Strawberry... Now his mouth is barely an inch away from Willow's as he continues to caress her cheek with one hand.","RACK: ...what on this earth do you want? Willow lifts her own hand to touch Rack's face the same way. But then she starts to squeeze.","WILLOW: Just to take a little tour. Suddenly her other hand comes up and smacks onto Rack's chest. Magic begins to flow. Rack gasps and groans helplessly. His body glows and little sparks of lightning flash around him. Willow continues to hold him by the chin with one hand with her other hand on his chest, slowly lifting him up off the ground as the magic crackles between them. Rack continues making little pained groaning noises.","Cut to the alley. It's empty. A car goes by.","Cut to Rack's waiting room. Clem enters through the shimmery magic wall, looks around, walks farther inside. Dawn appears behind him.","DAWN: Yay, Clem, making with the demon senses! I knew you'd find this place. Clem looks around nervously.","CLEM: (softly) It's not very clean.","DAWN: Don't wig out on me again.","CLEM: It's just, I'm still not so sure you should be here. I'm not so sure *I* should be here.","DAWN: It'll only take a minute. Come on. Dawn walks toward the door that leads to the inner room. Clem watches nervously but doesn't follow her. She turns back, sighs.","DAWN: You wanna wait here?","CLEM: (relieved) If that works for you...","DAWN: Be right back. She opens the door. Clem looks around, sighs nervously.","Cut to the inner room. Dawn enters slowly, looking around.","DAWN: Willow? She turns slowly, and suddenly comes face-to-face with Rack -- hanging upside down, with his head at Dawn's eye-level, dead. Dawn screams, whimpers, turns frantically toward the door. But Willow is in the way.","WILLOW: Hey, cutie. Dawn stares in horror. Willow's hair is all black, her eyes are all black, and dark veins are visible all over her face. She gives a little smile. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act III","[SCENE_BREAK]","Open on the same scene. We see Rack's floating corpse in foreground and Dawn staring fearfully at Willow in background.","WILLOW: Dawnie, what are you doing here? 'Cause if you're looking for me? Now's not a great time.","DAWN: You look terrible.","WILLOW: Do I? Willow starts to move closer to Dawn.","DAWN: You're back on the magicks.","WILLOW: No, honey. I am the magicks.","DAWN: (backing away as Willow advances) Did you kill that guy?","WILLOW: (shrugging) It's an improvement, believe me.","DAWN: (very nervous) I have to go. Dawn rushes past Willow and toward the door -- and suddenly Willow is in front of her again, blocking the door. Dawn gives a little yelp of fear.","WILLOW: Why? So you can run and tell Buffy?","DAWN: Willow ... please, just listen to me.","WILLOW: You don't have to talk. Just think real loud. I can hear you. Willow advances again, and Dawn backs up again.","DAWN: You're freaking me out.","WILLOW: Oh, don't be like that. I'm just a little wired. And I have some things to do. I thought if anybody'd understand-","DAWN: I miss Tara, too! Willow stops cold, glares.","DAWN: But this? What you're doing here? This is not the way to go! You're only going to make things worse! But I promise, it's not too late to-","WILLOW: You miss her?","DAWN: (shocked) Yes.","WILLOW: Did you cry? (Dawn still looking shocked) Of course you did. I get that. Willow resumes walking toward Dawn, and Dawn resumes backing away.","WILLOW: I understand the crying, you cry because you're human. But you weren't always.","DAWN: (hurt) Yes, I was.","WILLOW: No, please. You're telling me you don't remember? You used to be some ... mystic ball of energy. Maybe that's why you're crying all the time, Dawnie. 'Cause you don't belong here. Dawn finds herself backed up against the wall, gasping anxiously.","WILLOW: Wanna go back? End the pain? You'll be happier. I'll be happier. We'll all be a lot happier without listening to the constant whining.","DAWN: (tearful and angry) Willow, stop...","WILLOW: (mock-whining) \"Mom!\" \"Buffy!\" \"Tara!\" \"Waah!\" It's time you go back to being a little energy ball. Dawn looks very scared.","WILLOW: No more tears, Dawnie. Willow's voice echoes weirdly on that last line. Dawn whimpers and presses back against the wall. Willow smiles a little, advancing right up to Dawn. Loud bang from behind. Willow turns. Buffy stands in the doorway.","BUFFY: I think you need to get away from her.","Cut to the Magic Box. Anya sits behind the counter with the magic book open in front of her, a notebook next to her, and a pen in her hand. Xander stands right behind her looking at another book.","ANYA: You're too close.","XANDER: How am I supposed to read?","ANYA: I don't know, I'm staring right at this stuff and I can't read it.","XANDER: Well, how's the translation coming? (Anya looking very annoyed)What have we got so far?","ANYA: (sighs, looks at notebook) So far we've got \"the.\" Well, either \"the\" or \"towards,\" I'm not really sure. (writes something down) I can't do this. I'm in retail. Stupid ancient Sumerian.","JONATHAN: (O.S.) I'm pretty sure it's Babylonian. Anya and Xander look up. Jonathan is standing on the opposite side of the counter.","JONATHAN: The text is similar, but the dialect is completely different.","XANDER: Great. Babylonian. Thanks a bushel. But unless you can read Babylonian, why don't you sit back down. Jonathan goes back to sit next to Andrew again.","ANDREW: (softly) Why are you helping them?","JONATHAN: Because they're saving our lives, you moron.","ANDREW: Uh-huh. And what then? Even if they kill that Wicca bitch, you think they're just gonna let us walk? They own us.","JONATHAN: So what do you want me to do?","ANDREW: Look around. You know magic. We're in a magic shop. We can take them. Jonathan looks at him incredulously.","ANDREW: The books are sucked dry, but so what? There's still like tons of supplies all around us. This is the best chance we're gonna get to make it out of here.","JONATHAN: And do what?","ANDREW: Start over. We can be a Duo. You and me. You can even be the leader, I swear, I'll take orders. (Jonathan looking contemplative) I like taking orders. Just tell me what to do. Jonathan looks like he's considering it.","JONATHAN: You want an order? Suddenly Jonathan jumps up, grabbing Andrew by the front of his shirt, and slams him against a bookcase.","JONATHAN: Grow up.","XANDER: Hey now, play nice, fellas, or you'll break our concentration.","ANYA: Which means no protection spell. Jonathan lets go of Andrew.","XANDER: And Willow will make you two boneless chickens skinless, too.","ANDREW: And then what? You think your little witch buddy's gonna stop with us? (Xander and Anya glaring at him) You saw her! She's a truck-driving Magic Mama! And we've got maybe seconds before Darth Rosenberg grinds everybody into Jawa-burgers, and not one of you bunch has the midichlorians to stop her.","XANDER: You've never had any tiny bit of s*x, have you?","ANYA: The annoying virgin has a point. What if Willow fillets their soles and then comes after us?","XANDER: She won't.","ANYA: You don't know that.","XANDER: We're her friends, Anya. Her family. She would never hurt us.","ANYA: She tried to use you for a hood ornament, Xander. She doesn't care if you live or die. Xander looks stung by that.","XANDER: Guess you two finally have something in common Beat. Anya looks slightly chastised. She turns back to her research.","ANYA: I care if you live or die, Xander. I'm just not sure which one I want.","XANDER: Again with the comfort. Look, we both know things might get ugly at, uh, Wiccapalooza. And if it gets really bad...","ANYA: (still not looking at him) Let me guess. You'll propose? Xander looks a bit hurt by that too, but he presses on.","XANDER: I need to know if you're gonna turn on me. Use this little shindig as an excuse for some sweet revenge.","ANYA: (finally turns to look at him) There is nothing in this world that could give me greater or more lasting satisfaction than to reap bloody vengeance upon you, Xander Harris. But I can't. Not officially, not magically . (sarcastic) So smile, it's your lucky day. You got away with it, I can't hurt you.","XANDER: Right, 'cause you varnishing the table with Spike, how could that possibly have hurt? It may have chafed...","ANYA: (more quietly) That wasn't vengeance. It was solace. Xander looks surprised and very hurt. Anya looks upset too.","ANYA: (sighs) Look ... I really can't hurt you, so, I'm just gonna have to settle for hating you.","XANDER: If that's what you need to do.","ANYA: (angry) Don't! You don't get to play the martyr.","XANDER: I'm not.","ANYA: You know, none of this would be happening if it weren't for you.","XANDER: You think I don't know that? You think I'm the hero of this piece? (upset) I saw the gun. Before Warren raised it, I ... I saw it, and I couldn't move. He shot two of my friends ... before I could even... You want me to know how useless I am? That it's my fault? Thanks. Already got the memo. Anya looks sympathetic.","ANYA: (softly) I was talking about us. They return to studying their books. Cut back to Rack's.","BUFFY: You need to back down a minute and think, Will.","WILLOW: I wasn't gonna hurt her. Buzzkill.","DAWN: (whispers, upset) She tried to turn me back...","BUFFY: (advancing slowly) You're attacking the people who love you now?","WILLOW: Only the ones in my way.","BUFFY: That's not ... You need help.","WILLOW: I'm doing fine on my own, thanks. Buffy gets right up next to them, still moving slowly. Suddenly she reaches out and grabs Dawn.","BUFFY: Dawn, get out of here. Go! Dawn runs to the door, but it's suddenly locked.","WILLOW: Don't. We're all friends.","BUFFY: Willow, I know what you want to do, but you have to listen to me. The forces inside you are incredibly powerful. They're strong ... but you're stronger. (Dawn cowering in the corner) You have to remember you're still Willow.","WILLOW: (scoffs) Let me tell you something about Willow. (advancing toward Buffy) She's a loser. And she always has been. People picked on Willow in junior high school, high school, up until college. With her stupid mousy ways. And now? Willow's a junkie.","BUFFY: I can help.","WILLOW: The only thing Willow was ever good for... She pauses, drops the bitter sarcasm and grows pensive.","WILLOW: ...the only thing I had going for me ... were the moments - just moments - when Tara would look at me and I was wonderful. (grimly) And that will never happen again.","BUFFY: I know this hurts. Bad. But Willow, if you let loose with the magicks, it will never end.","WILLOW: (smiles nastily) Promise?","BUFFY: You don't want that.","WILLOW: Why not? Dawn moves away from the wall and approaches them.","BUFFY: Because you lose everything. Your friends, your self... Willow, if you let this control you then the world goes away. And all of us with it. There's so much to live for. (forcefully) Will, there's too much-","WILLOW: (scoffs) Oh, please! This is your pitch? Buffy, you hate it here as much as I do. I'm just more honest about it.","BUFFY: That's not true.","WILLOW: You're trying to sell me on the world. The camera starts to do a slow turn thing where it stays focused on Willow but the background turns behind her...","WILLOW: The one where you lie to your friends when you're not trying to kill them? And you screw a vampire just to feel? And insane asylums are the comfy alternative? This world? Buffy, it's me. I know you were happier when you were in the ground. The only time you were ever at peace in your whole life is when you were dead. Until Willow brought you back. The background has been changing as it turns...","WILLOW: You know, with magic? Buffy suddenly blinks, looks disoriented.","WILLOW: Oh. Sorry, the trip can be kind of rough... Dawn, standing next to Willow, is looking shocked and disoriented too. We see that they are now in the Magic Shop.","WILLOW: ...if you're, you know , not me. We see Xander behind the counter, staring at them in surprise. Dawn looks around, suddenly collapses on the floor.","BUFFY: Dawn! Buffy kneels next to Dawn. Willow turns, spots the remaining two Nerds sitting at the table again. Willow smiles.","WILLOW: Jonathan. Andrew. (the geeks looking scared) You boys like magic, don't you? She smiles as magic starts to flow around her.","WILLOW: Abracadabra. She lifts both her hands toward them. Streams of purple-black magic flow from her hands and toward them. A breeze ruffles her hair. Lightning flashes. Blackout.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Act IV","[SCENE_BREAK]","Same scene. Willow is throwing magic at the Nerds, but it stops before it actually reaches them. Willow stops.","WILLOW: Okay. Didn't see that coming. The Nerds are unharmed, and surprised.","ANDREW: W-what was that?","JONATHAN: We're alive.","WILLOW: You guys want to take it slow? (Jonathan and Andrew exchanging a fearful look) I can do that, too. (smiles) Ask Warren. Willow lifts her hands and resumes with the magic. Shot of Buffy sitting on the floor beside Dawn, both leaning against the counter looking weak.","BUFFY: Don't! Willow continues throwing magic across the table at the Geeks, who are scared but untouched. Reveal Anya in a hidden nook around the corner, holding the magic book and muttering in Sumerian, or possibly Babylonian. She looks nervously around the corner and we can see the light from Willow's magic illuminating Anya. She looks back down at the book, continuously chanting. Willow stops again. Jonathan and Andrew exchange another fearful look.","JONATHAN: Let's get out of here. They move toward one side of the table to go around it. Willow moves that way too. They stop, run the other way and toward the door to the back, which is standing open.","WILLOW: No no, stay. The door closes itself in front of them. They stop, turn back.","WILLOW: I mean, we're just getting started. Behind Willow, Buffy and Dawn finally get up. Jonathan and Andrew grab swords that are hanging on the wall.","WILLOW: I've got big party plans.","BUFFY: Will-","XANDER: (to Buffy) No, don't.","WILLOW: Guys, come on. I'm just getting wood for the violence here. And you know what they say ... if at first you don't succeed... She lifts her hands and starts blasting magic again.","Cut to the cave. Spike hurtles against a wall, groaning. He has a large bruise or burn on his chest, and various other burns and injuries. He slumps down onto the ground, wipes blood from his mouth with the back of one hand.","SPIKE: Had enough? He pulls himself to his feet. The muscle-man with the flaming hands punches Spike again. He stumbles backward, goes around a large pillar, comes out from the other side and takes a swing. Muscle-man ducks, punches Spike again. He reels against another wall, bounces back, takes a few more punches and goes down.","[NEXT_ON]","SPIKE: (holding up his burnt hand) Bad move, bad move, bad move... He ducks another punch, grabs muscle-man's arm and flips him over onto his back. While muscle-man is on the ground, Spike kicks him in the groin, flipping him over. Spike straddles muscle-man's shoulders and takes hold of his head, twists it violently, breaking his neck. Spike straightens up, panting.","SPIKE: Looks like local boy loses. The demon reappears, still in shadow so we can't see it too clearly.","DEMON: So it would appear.","SPIKE: Good on me, then. I get what I came for. I passed, right?","DEMON: Indeed. You have passed the first stage of the test.","SPIKE: Right, I get... (pauses) Wait. First stage? Silence. The demon's eyes glow greenish-blue.","SPIKE: Bugger. Cut back to the Magic Box. Willow is still sending magic toward the Nerds. They stand wincing, holding their swords, as the magic fails to harm them. Willow stops again, seeming amused.","WILLOW: Damn, that is one effective counter-spell. Jonathan and Andrew stare at her, scared, clutching the swords.","WILLOW: Won't keep you alive, though.","BUFFY: Will, stop. You need to give this up now.","WILLOW: (ignoring her) I get it. You boys put a, a spell on yourselves, didn't you. Protecting you from harm ... from magicks. That's cute.","BUFFY: Will, back off before somebody gets hurt.","WILLOW: How 'bout I back off right after? (to nerds) So, which one of you boys worked the mojo? The nerds just stare, too scared to say anything.","WILLOW: Doesn't matter, really. I'm just curious. Shot of Anya still hiding in her nook, chanting her protection spell.","WILLOW: Just because I can't do magicks to you, doesn't mean I can't do them on myself. Magic crackles around Willow as she bends her head and mutters something in Latin(?). More swirling magic and crackles of lightning just around Willow. Then the magic fades and she lifts her head, smiling.","WILLOW: Now I'm pretty sure I'm strong enough to beat you to death. The boys have retreated behind the table again. Willow reaches down and casually takes hold of a corner of the table, topples it over and throws it aside with ease. The books go flying, the table lies on its side. The boys look terrified. Willow starts toward them. Buffy moves over and blocks her way.","BUFFY: I don't want to hurt you. Willow punches Buffy. Buffy flies backward a long way, crashing into a magazine rack against a wall. The geeks look even more scared. Xander looks alarmed, moves in front of Dawn.","WILLOW: Not a problem. Willow starts toward the guys again. Buffy gets up, now wearing her kick-ass expression. She strides over to get in front of Willow again.","BUFFY: I said I didn't *want* to. Buffy backhands Willow. Now it's Willow's turn to fly backward, crashing into a glass display case. Crash, tinkle, broken glass and wood and merchandise everywhere. Willow lands in a heap on the floor.","BUFFY: Didn't say I wouldn't. Xander rushes toward the nerds.","XANDER: Let's go.","JONATHAN: What about Willow?","XANDER: Buffy can handle her.","DAWN: Are you sure?","XANDER: No, that's why we're leaving. Xander, Dawn, Jonathan, and Andrew rush for the door. On the way, Xander passes Anya in her nook.","XANDER: Come on!","ANYA: I can't, I, I have to stay here to keep the spell going on Willow.","XANDER: No, but...","ANYA: (harshly) Go, do something right! Xander hesitates just another instant, then takes off with the others. Anya resumes chanting. Xander, Dawn, and the Nerds get to the door, open it, start out. Willow, still on the floor, looks up and sees this.","WILLOW: No! Willow gets up, but Buffy strides up behind her and grabs the back of her jacket, throws her back away from the door. Willow slides across the floor, comes to a stop by the stairs leading up to the loft. Buffy stands there, ready. Willow gets up and faces Buffy. It's a showdown. Zoom in on Willow's face. Zoom in on Buffy's face.","WILLOW: So. (smiling) Here we are.","BUFFY: Are we really gonna do this?","WILLOW: Come on, this is a huge deal for me! Six years as a side man, and now I get to be the Slayer.","BUFFY: A killer isn't a Slayer. Being a Slayer means something you can't conceive of.","WILLOW: (sighing, shaking her head) Oh, Buffy. You really need to have every square inch of your ass kicked.","BUFFY: Then show me what you got. And I'll show you what a Slayer really is. They move toward each other and begin to fight. First they grapple and Willow tries a head-butt, then kicks Buffy in the stomach, punches her. Buffy ducks another swing and hits Willow, then punches her in the face. Willow does a spin-kick and gets Buffy in the face, then another kick. Buffy tries to kick Willow but Willow does a flip over her head, landing behind Buffy. Buffy turns and kicks Willow, tries to punch but Willow grabs her arm and hits her with her other hand. Willow throws Buffy across the room and against a bookcase.","Cut to the street. Andrew, still holding his sword, walks along with the others.","ANDREW: Where are you taking us?","DAWN: Someplace safe.","JONATHAN: Like where?","DAWN: Xander? Xander walks fast, looking at a loss.","XANDER: I don't know. Cut back to the Magic Box. Willow holds out her hand toward Buffy. Buffy is still up against the bookshelves, between them and the ladder leading to the loft. Books begin to fly off the shelves and hit Buffy, trapping her. She clings to the ladder. Willow turns and starts to walk off. Scraping noises as Buffy manages to push the ladder away and get out from behind it. She rushes Willow from behind, knocking her to the floor and getting on top of her.","WILLOW: Get off, super-bitch. Willow throws Buffy off and she flies into the counter, shattering more glass. They grapple again and exchange some punches. Willow kicks Buffy several times, then Buffy kicks her and punches her. Willow swings but Buffy grabs her arm.","BUFFY: I can help you stop. Willow breaks the hold and punches Buffy several times.","WILLOW: I thought you were gonna show me what a Slayer was.","Cut to the street. The group continues to run along, but Jonathan is falling behind. Still holding his sword, but he's panting and running painfully.","JONATHAN: Can't ... run any more. (they stop) I need to ... breathe. He leans over with hands on his knees, gasping.","XANDER: If you wanna keep breathing, you gotta keep moving.","ANDREW: (to Xander) This is bogus. We gotta get out of this town. (realizing something, turning to Jonathan) Mexico. We should go to Mexico.","XANDER: Hey. You're not going anywhere. We just gotta find a place to hide you two until we get the all-clear from Buffy.","ANDREW: Yeah, and what if the Slayer's dead already? (Dawn looking alarmed) We're just supposed to sit around waiting for Sabrina to show up and disembowel us?","XANDER: You do what I say to- Andrew suddenly lifts his sword, putting its point to Xander's throat.","ANDREW: I don't think so. Cut back to the magic shop. Buffy punches Willow a few times, blocks her punch and shoves her across the room, bringing down more furniture and merchandise. More crashing, stuff shattered, etc. Willow sits up ... and notices Anya. Her hiding place has been revealed by the latest destruction of furniture. Anya continues chanting, staring right at Willow, looking scared but defiant. Buffy looks alarmed.","WILLOW: Well, hey. Isn't that interesting. Anya's still here. Willow gets up. Buffy runs over to intercede but Willow just shoves her aside, into yet another table covered with stuff. More crashing and shattering. Anya keeps chanting defiantly, staring at Willow, who advances on her.","WILLOW: Looks like I've been beating on the wrong gal. Cut back to the street. Xander stands very still with the sword point at his chin.","XANDER: Whoa, whoa. Okay, Andy. Let's just put the sword down.","ANDREW: Oh, no way. I'm not gonna die because of something I didn't even do.","XANDER: You're not gonna die. Dawn steps forward.","DAWN: (firmly) Leave him alone. Jonathan extends his own sword, putting its point on the back of Andrew's neck.","JONATHAN: Let him go, Andrew. (beat) You heard me.","ANDREW: You let me go first.","JONATHAN: Uh-uh. Him.","ANDREW: It's your move.","JONATHAN: No. Yours.","ANDREW: I'm not moving. (Dawn watching tensely) I'm not gonna budge 'til... Jonathan pushes his sword into Andrew's neck.","ANDREW: ...right now. (whiny) Ow! Andrew lowers his sword and glares at Jonathan.","JONATHAN: Xander's right. We're not leaving Sunnydale. When this is over, you and I are going back to jail to do our time.","Cut to the Magic Box. Willow has Anya by the throat, holding her up off the ground.","ANYA: Help me! Looking very scared, Anya looks past Willow to Buffy, lying apparently unconscious among the wreckage of the furniture.","ANYA: Help me! (to Willow) You're hurting me.","WILLOW: You can't block my spells if you can't chant. And you can't chant if you're sleepin'. Willow throws Anya aside. Anya crashes into another bookcase and falls to the ground, groaning, possibly unconscious. Willow looks over at Buffy, who is conscious now and gets to her feet. They square off again.","WILLOW: Buffy ... I gotta tell ya ... I get it now. The Slayer thing really isn't about the violence. They circle around each other, watching each other carefully.","WILLOW: It's about the power. Magic begins to crackle around Willow again. She lifts her hands and blasts Buffy with a bolt of magic. It throws Buffy back onto the desk. She slides across the desk and lands on the floor beside it, groaning. Willow walks a little closer, looking satisfied. Buffy doesn't get up, stays down with her forehead pressed against the floor, looking exhausted.","WILLOW: And there's no one in the world with the power to stop me now. Suddenly a huge blast of green magic energy hits Willow from the side. She goes flying a huge distance across the room, lands on the floor and slides some more. She comes to a stop and lifts her head. Her nose is bleeding. She looks surprised, looks up in the direction the magic came from. Reveal Giles standing in the doorway, wearing a long black coat and no glasses.","GILES: I'd like to test that theory. Blackout. End of episode.","(since this was aired as a 2-hour movie with \"Grave,\" there are no closing credits.)"],"Show Title":"Buffy the Vampire Slayer","Episode Number":"06x21","Episode Title":"Two To Go","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Bull_01x07.json","Recap":["As Bull assists a man facing vehicular manslaughter charges, he uncovers a connection between his client's trial and a corrupt state assemblyman who would greatly benefit from a guilty verdict. Also, Danny and Cable team up to investigate why Marissa is suddenly acting and dressing differently."],"Transcript":["Bull: I'm Dr. Jason Bull. I'm not a lawyer. I'm an expert in what's called trial science. I study the jury's behavioral patterns. I know what they're thinking before they do. Everything my team learns gets plugged into a matrix, which allows us to assemble a mirror jury that is scary in its predictive efficiency. The verdict you get depends on me. And that's no bull.","(tires screeching)","(metal crashes)","Man: Are you crazy?","Do you want him to be made fun of for the rest of his life?","Woman: This is your son!","Man: Karen!","(children laughing)","Excuse me.","Man: I don't want to talk about this. This is the 30th time we've talked about this.","(groans)","Woman: John... Stop.","Man: I'm defending my son.","Man: Stop what?","Woman: Listen to me, this is your son!","(exhales)","(children shouting)","Man: Did you see the way that guy's treating him?","Karen. Karen! Oh, God. Karen! Karen! Oh, God, my wife! My wife, she needs help!","(sirens approaching)","My God. Oh, my God. Call 911. Call 911.","(echoing): Call 911!","Defense attorney: ...the prosecution has attempted to throw roadblocks in front of my client at every turn, in an outrageous attempt...","Bull: Ah, Judge Lamkin. Can almost make civil court tolerable. That's three days in a row her eyes fluttered at 3:30, only to perk up again after her 4:00 p.m. tea. You don't know that's tea. Either way, we need to see our best witnesses in the morning. And it's tea. Lamkin only has one drink a day, after dinner, single-malt scotch. And you know that how, exactly? Never mind.","Lamkin: The prosecution's witness had a change in schedule. We will resume Wednesday. Your Honor, the prosecution knew the officer's patrol shifted. This means four more days in jail.","Lamkin: Mr. Foster, you've made this argument three times, three different ways now. Wednesday stands. It's just a shame the way they throw these public defenders to the wolves. Uh, Mr. Public Defender... In this county, lawyers sit on the right.","Lamkin: Watch it, Bull. Sorry, Your Honor. Dr. Bull. Oh, I'm gonna go get the car. Judge Lamkin, always a pleasure. And that is a new robe... Rag & bone? How would you like to do me a favor? A case in Judge Bergen's court. I was hoping it would be a little more interesting, but go on. Some poor guy was in a car accident, and his wife was killed. The DA's going after him for vehicular manslaughter. And you'd throw out the case. I would. Bergen's not so forgiving. I thought you and your team could jump on board, at least make it a fair fight. Well, Judge, you know my plate is very full. I have a trial coming up in your court. I could always postpone it. And suddenly my plate is empty.","(chuckles)","Do we have a lawyer? Can't afford one. So it's whoever draws the long straw at Legal Aid.","(phone ringing)","What about that guy? I think he was sworn in at the bar on his way to court this morning.","Bull: Hmm. Perfect. I love a fresh lump of clay. And what, you're Michelangelo? Michelangelo's David was chiseled from a very large, imperfect block of marble other artisans wouldn't touch. I look forward to your masterpiece. Hmm. John and Karen Phillips. Married ten years, one son, Carter. Luckily, Carter was not in the car at the time of the crash.","Cable: God. How fast was he going? 11 miles an hour over the speed limit. That doesn't sound reckless. Well, I never speed. It's called taking the subway. The police report says there was a sign warning cars to slow down, and he'd had a drink at a barbecue beforehand. Blood alcohol? 04... one beer. Below the legal limit.","Marissa: To prosecute for vehicular manslaughter, they'd have to prove that John purposely drove in an agitated state. I don't get it. What's their case?","Bull: Exactly. How often does the DA push for manslaughter on a traffic accident? Less than five percent of the time. This is the question. What is motivating the DA to prosecute? I'm on it. I'm tempted to hack into the DA's private server and then... just give me an hour and an iced quad espresso and I'll have something, okay? I never know whether to be scared or impressed. First instinct's usually the best. Baseball dad, devoted husband. Worked double shifts as an HVAC installer, just to take his family to Coney Island once a year. And then tragedy took all that away. John and Karen were driving home from a team barbecue one day, and... But thank God their son Carter had stayed behind with friends. They rounded a bend... Must be hard to hear. Well, it was harder losing Karen. I don't understand what this is. This is all part of trial science. We test out your case. Find the right strategy, narrative. My attorney isn't even here. Legal Aid lawyers often have 30 to 40 active cases. He doesn't need to be here. (sighs) This is so surreal. I lost my wife in a car accident and they think I'm a killer? Karen was everything to me. If I go to jail, my son ends up in foster care.","Bull: Hey. We're not gonna let that happen. This is a process. And it works. Come on.","(thud)","(whistles)","Pretty sophisticated equipment. Not cheap, either. Why are you doing this for me? Well, it isn't charity. You're getting me on the good side of a judge who's presiding over a very lucrative suit next month. And I'm not giving you any of my share. More importantly, we don't believe in letting people go to jail for an accident. Everyone has their reasons.","Carter: Dad?","John: Hey. Hey, buddy. Listen, I'm a little short on cash. Can I settle up with you next week?","Babysitter: No problem. I'll see you Monday. Bye, Carter. How was school? Okay. So... Brought your lawyer, huh? I'm not a lawyer.","Bull (chuckling): Yeah, that's right. You're probably too smart to be a lawyer. Hey. Don't bias a nine-year-old. I'm still eight. In five months and six days, I'll be nine.","John: All right. See you soon, Dr. Bull. Carter, it's time to go. We have to get to your class. Nice to meet you, Carter. Cable. You said you found something? I found a troll. You and I have very different definitions of \"something.\"","Cable: This guy is on the Internet defending John, saying there's more to this story. How would he know? Well, that's why I started chatting with him. He's pointing a finger at this guy named Trevor Dormit.","Bull: The state assemblyman.","Cable: I asked him what Dormit had to do with the crash and he's being pretty evasive. Is Dormit on the witness list? No. Hmm. All right. Maybe he should be. Print out everything you have on him. Like on paper? No. Banana leaves. Yes, on paper. Doing this old school. Gonna need the visual.","TV announcer: Line drive to left, and that's a drive and a run.","Man: Come on. Yeah! Assemblyman Dormit. I'm Dr. Jason Bull. I'm sorry, there was nobody outside there. Marcy will be back in a minute; she'll be able to help you. This will just take a moment. Um, a friend of mine is on trial for manslaughter. Uh... This office could look into that, but really that is an issue for the DA. No. I know, that's why I'm here. Because I read all these online posts, and it seems you're involved in the case against John Phillips? I don't know who that is. Well, that's the guy who was in this tragic accident and he lost his wife. Oh. The maniac drunk driver. And you were there. Yeah.","Dormit: Just a few cars back. Thank God I wasn't any closer, or I might not be here today. Well, I don't know if you realize John was driving home from his eight-year-old son's baseball game. A lot of criminals are fathers, sadly. Well, he's... not a drunk driver. Not a maniac, certainly, not a criminal at all. He's just a single father now. He's lost his wife. Oh. You can leave your information with Marcy.","Marcy (in distance): Assemblyman Dormit's office. Okay. Sorry. Yeah. One... one last question. Are you the chief sponsor of the road improvement bill for Nassau County? Because it seems that you stand to benefit greatly from characterizing John's accident as a criminal act. In fact, it seems you're the reason John's on trial in the first place. Marcy.","Marcy: Yes, sir? Call security, please. This man's refused repeated instructions to leave the office. He might be armed.","Marcy: Right away, sir. That won't be necessary. You know, before you came in here, I was on the fence about taking the time to testify against Phillips, but now, I guess, I'll see you in court. I'm looking forward to that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Bull: Hey there, Marissa, I'm putting you on speaker.","Marissa: How'd you get Dormit to testify?","Classic high-conflict behavior. Instead of resolving problems, he likes to escalate them. Well done! You can put him on the stand just like you wanted. Now that you got your wish, what's next?","(siren wailing)","Officer (over megaphone): Police. Pull over.","Bull (sighing): I'll let you know when I get back.","First I have to pay for my wish.","Marissa: What do you mean?","Officer (over megaphone): Police! Pull over now.","Bull: Dormit must have told local law enforcement I was driving through. Bye. License and registration. Sure thing, Officer. Do you mind if I ask what I did wrong? I don't know if you're aware of New York laws, sir, but it's a hands-free state. In the car. I assume it's safe to use our hands other places. Please step out of the car. Can I use my hands? You're a funny guy, huh? Hi. Oh, good. We're pooling our resources to pay your fine. FYI, Marissa wouldn't give up her watch. I take it the assemblyman had something to do with your citation. A small price to pay for the pleasure of his company in court. So, the prosecution's plan is to get the jury's attention focused on the small details. Yep. Beer, the speeding. Looking angry as he passed Dormit. But now we put those details into a larger context. With Dormit on the stand? And with a jury full of people who don't get hung up on the details. Like Benny. Thanks?","Bull: No judgment. That's just how the Benny brain works. What brand of shoes was Marissa wearing yesterday? What color was her jacket?","Benny: I don't remember. But she looked great. Thank you.","Danny: Manolos. And a winter white jacket over an emerald crew neck. Very elegant.","Marissa: Okay. That's probably enough about my fashion choices. I take it we wouldn't want a detective on our jury.","Bull: No. On this one we need people who only think of the big picture. Intuitive thinkers. Jury selection is never perfect. That's why we have a head start. This is tomorrow's jury pool. How did you get... I mean, nobody gets this in advance. We do.","Marissa: Better not to ask. Cable's running through their social media. Court records... anything that tells us who these people are. And who to avoid. But in voir dire, you can't just ask people if they get hung up on details. You're gonna ask these questions.","Gil: Do you prefer cooking or baking? Mr. Foster, please. I'm hungry. Don't try my patience before lunch.","Bull: Judge Bergen's probably gonna give you a little bit of flack. Don't worry. You can ask anything you want in court. Cooking or baking?","Bull: Bakers are precise. They have to follow the recipe exactly, details matter. Cooking. It's more about the feel of the dish. I sort of wing it, though, 'cause I never have the right stuff in my fridge.","Gil: So people who cook will be more open to John's story. Cooking or baking? Uh, baking. But not all that vegan gluten-free, taste-free crap. We move to strike this juror.","Bull: Don't smile. You can't smile. You didn't just win the lottery. You struck a juror. You give anything away, the prosecution will catch on. So just show me. Oh. Yeah, but don't look nervous. Show me your neutral face. That's more sad clown. We'll work on this. Don't think about it. (sighs) Oh, boy.","Juror: Cooking. No patience for baking. Acceptable to the defense.","Bergen: Mr. Mercado? Acceptable, Your Honor.","Bergen: It looks like we have a jury. Participating in a criminal case as a juror is an important duty. We will attempt to keep any inconvenience to you at a minimum. I would like to remind you as a juror there are some guidelines you need to follow. I spend my weekends bird watching. I spend my weekends bird watching. I'm married with four kids. I'm married with four kids.","George\/Mirror George: I am an account executive. Still single. We have identified the 12 mirror jurors. How'd we fare? Mostly good. However... Sorry. ...the mirror jury has led me to believe that this juror could be an issue. Arthur Jolene. His pulsed spiked when he saw that John was speeding. He pays all his bills on time. And... He's a birdwatcher. Oy. He's kept a hand-written log for the last 19 years. He can spot all 476 species in New York. And he's still single? Can you believe it? Speaking of that winter white jacket and Manolos... Oh, not again. Wait a minute. I want in on this. She's worn a new outfit twice this week. And she left the office at 7:30 last night, which never happens, so what's going on? I am pretty sure this is why the phrase \"none of your business\" was originally invent...","(gasps)","(laughing)","Sorry. Don't know my own strength. That was at least 16 feet. Yes, it was. All right, big guy. You're at bat. Show me what ya got. Now, I hear that you're a Mets fan. I'm not gonna hold that against you. Who's your favorite player? Cespedes. He's averaging almost 300, but July 5 he hit 305, and April 29, starting up against the Giants, he hit 313.","(exhaling): Wow. Nice stats. Show me your stance. You all right there, kiddo? Getting ready takes a sec. Warm up for you.","(quietly mimics ball whooshing)","Ah, man, missed it. That was a good cut. Bad pitch. So you got some Major League scouts looking at you? Nah, I'm not on the team anymore. Oh. All right. Let's take another cut. Eyes on the ball this time. (mimics ball whooshing) Whoa! Talked to all the parents from the game? Uh, minus two who are more evasive. But we have character witnesses. John checks out like father of the year. Anyone mention why John took Carter off the team? One dad thinks it has to do with the accident, the trial. Talk to everyone. Find out what kind of player Carter was.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(doorbell rings)","Danny: Lurla Gray?","(wind chimes tinkle)","Maybe. Are you the one who called about John Phillips? Your sons played baseball together. Ma'am? I worked for the FBI. This gnome you have guarding your door isn't gonna deter me. I told them I was done talking. I don't want to be involved. Told who? The DA. He promised to protect me if I handed over the video. Ma'am, what video?","(men arguing indistinctly)","(overlapping arguing)","...I want to win games out there. Listen, maybe you find a different sport for your son. Okay. That's not good, John. Attacking a coach supports the prosecution's case that he drove in an agitated state. And then you got in the car? This is a detail the jury may have a hard time ignoring.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Look, I know it looks bad, but there's a perfectly good... I don't know, maybe it's not very good, but... That guy there, Gary, he's one of the dads that coaches Carter's team. And he benches Carter every game until the last inning, when it doesn't even matter. Is it a competitive league? These kids are eight years old. But he's acting like they're going to the World Series. He, he has the same three kids riding the pine every game. Not his kid, I bet. So you shoved him.","John: I only went to go talk to him. In private so it wasn't a thing in front of the other parents, but then he starts acting like it was my fault. Carter's fault. And then he says, \"Oh, maybe your kid should find another sport.\" And, uh... I just snapped.","Bull: John. These are the kinds of things we need to know.","Danny: The prosecution has the video. And Mercado's gonna lead with it at trial. It'll make the case that you were in an agitated state before you got behind the wheel. This gives the prosecution grounds for manslaughter. We'll be ready. For whatever they throw at us. In the car crash that killed... No, nope, nope, nope, sorry. I kno... I know you said you were gonna jump in, I just assumed I'd get a whole sentence in first. Don't use the word \"crash.\" It's \"accident,\" \"tragedy,\" \"loss.\" Those are the magic words. Especially around Arthur Jolene. Who? Juror Number Two. And the other two who will cluster around him. Cluster? Jurors Number Eight and Nine will follow the strongest personality with whom they share similar traits. That's Arthur.","(clears throat)","This tragic accident... Why are you standing there? I'm talking to Arthur. Okay. But when you're talking about John, it actually helps to stand near him. That'll subconsciously associate John with the positive words in the jurors' brains. Okay. But not when you mention the negative details. Like the fight with the coach. Oh, no. They didn't have a fight. He confronted a hot-headed coach who was taking the game too seriously.","(sighs)","Will it even matter where I stand once they've seen that video? Everything matters. The coach won't testify, so Danny's talking to him now to find out why. John's right, I want to win baseball games, and there's no rule that says you got to play all the kids the same amount of time. But I don't blame John for what happened. He's a decent guy, he means well. When you said that, the prosecution chose not to call you to the stand. I made it pretty clear that I don't want to get involved. John doesn't deserve this, and I feel for Carter. Even though you benched him? Ugh. The kid is terrible. And I don't want him to lose his dad to prison after he just lost his mom. Would you be willing to testify that you instigated the fight? (scoffs) No. John lost it. Don't get me wrong. Parents go bananas out there all the time. Last week a shortstop's dad was critiquing another kid's hitting, got a snow cone to the face.","(chuckles)","I told you, it doesn't make any of us look much better. Is there anything that you could tell me that might help? Well, I didn't tell the DA guy this, but Karen called right after from the car. And? She wanted to apologize. Had something to explain, but then John yelled at her and she hung up. Explain what? I don't know. Look, I wish him well. Thank you. So he fought with the coach and his wife before the accident? All part of the same fight. It's not helping. I debriefed the mirror jury after they saw the video, looks like we only have five of 12 on John's side. Three guiltys. Arthur Jolene, and the two clustering around him. Think the fight's clear evidence that John's an angry guy who shouldn't have gotten behind the wheel.","Bull: John was angry. But he's not an angry guy, and the jury needs to see that. You working a theory? First, we have to dispense with Assemblyman Dormit. Assuming Gil follows the plan. Dormit eats lawyers like Gil for lunch. For breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day. I think it's lunch. Gil will not be eaten. Now, someone needs to go through John's insurance claims for the last five years. Medical. It's not exactly legal, is it? Well, then, it's a good thing no one here is doing it.","Especially not... (calling): Cable!","Cable: Today? Judge Lamkin. I'll meet you guys in there. Now, you don't work at this courthouse. No. But I do live in Nassau County. Oh! You're taking my advice. Running for State Assembly. It's something I've wanted to do for years, but I never really thought I had a shot. Hmm. Are you sure about this?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Then I'm off to file.","Mercado: Assemblyman Dormit, can you identify the driver? Yeah, he's sitting right over there. Well, I was trying to switch lanes so he could pass, but he was already swerving around me. Nearly ran me off the road. Gave me an angry look. I thought maybe he was drunk. Objection, assumes facts not in evidence. And actually, we have John's blood alcohol level on record as being below the legal limit, so, assumes lies not in evidence.","Bergen: That's not actually a thing, Mr. Foster, but point taken.","Mercado: And then what happened?","Dormit: Then I saw the road sign. It said \"Slow: Congestion Ahead.\" So I slowed down. And as I rounded the bend I saw the huge crash he'd caused.","Mercado: Thank you. That's all.","Gil: Mr. Dormit, would you happen to know how many drivers are prosecuted for car accidents in this district? Not off the top of my head, no. Well, even when there's a fatality, it's less than five percent of the time, right? I guess Something like that. Which would certainly makes it seem like John's being unfairly singled out. Get to a question, Mr. Foster.","Gil: Do you have an agenda, Mr. Dormit? After the accident, did you call your friend and golf buddy, the district attorney, and personally request that John be charged? That is moronic. Name calling is not the same as giving an answer.","Cable: Gil put his first points on the board. Look at the spike in vitals on his mirror juror's biometer. A crack in Arthur Jolene's cluster. Not hard to tap into people's outrage against the abuse of power. Juror number nine swore he'd never vote again after the last election. How many speeches did you give after John's wreck in support of a new highway project in your district? I give a lot of speeches. Six. By the way, I love the slogan from your last election. \"All roads lead to Dormit.\" It's catchy. You sponsored the roads. Objection. Relevance. The next words better be relevant, Mr. Foster. Mr. Dormit, do you have something to personally gain from John's conviction, perhaps having something to do with the road improvement bill for Nassau County that you sponsored? Isn't it true that your brother owns a concrete factory? I'm not saying there were kickbacks... Now, hold on... You hold on. Now, who the hell are you? Those projects were fair, created jobs... For your family. He's the criminal. Right there. He is. Marissa says we gained a few. Where's John? He went outside to cool off. Can't blame him for not being Dormit's biggest fan. Remember the first thing I told you when you joined TAC? Uh, you said never stop at a client's first confession. It's only the beginning.","Bull: John. Hey, Dr. Bull. Hey. John, slow down. Hey... it's one thing to stare down Dormit in court, it's another to confront him in his car. I don't care anymore, okay? What would a jury think? You have to think. He is ruining my life. Shh, shh. He doesn't care about your life. He's a political opportunist, okay? And that may be pathetic and awful, but he's not your biggest problem. You are. John, what were you and Karen fighting about before the crash? It was nothing. I mean, she was mad that I went after the coach. Because he didn't know about Carter. There's nothing wrong with my son. You can hide it all you want, but it's all I see. Carter's had his challenges, hasn't he? He has some kind of, um, motor planning disorder. I know. He's been in physical therapy for the last two years. Three times a week. Mm. He's just as good as any of these other kids. He just has to work twice as hard. So... when he got benched, you know, I just... Yeah, but why don't you just tell the coach he needs a little extra help? Karen wanted to, but I-I... I-I don't want people treating him differently. But in the car, she said that I was ashamed. Of my own son. And that's what you were fighting about...","Coach (echoing): Carter, watch your stance!","Bull: ...before the crash. This is something you have to tell the jury. They will understand, too. No. No. This stays between us. Have a seat. Look, I'll testify, but, uh... I don't see how I could possibly be a good witness. John, you and your wife loved each other very much. I've seen it in the photos, in the stories, everything Carter says. I know, but... And you had a fight. Like every other married couple on the planet. Dr. Bull, you don't understand. The way that we yelled... it was... It wasn't the first time that you fought about whether or not to tell someone about Carter's condition, was it? I know this isn't easy, but neither is hiding it. I'm not hiding it. I just... I want him to have a real childhood. I mean, you start talking to people, and... he doesn't get on a team, he gets singled out. You know, nothing should hold him back. That's what I want you to say on the stand. No. I'm... I'm not using my son to win the sympathy of strangers. I got to go to work. Hey, why aren't you bantering with your Internet troll friend? He, uh, went dark. Why? I thought he was following John's case. Gave you the Dormit intel. I know. I thought he'd be all excited about Dormit's flailing in court. He's a good hacker, too. But he's really hard to find. Well, you know what Bull would say? Something cryptic that takes me days to understand? Cable, when you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail. You're coming at it like a hacker. Right? Only looking online. But you got to think big picture. This guy's sympathizing with John. Why?","Marissa: Gil's cross of Dormit convinced two fence-sitters that John is getting unfairly railroaded. Oof. I'm not sure we can get the other two if John won't explain the whole story behind the fight. If the jury hears the whole context, they'll see John as a loving father, not as an angry driver. But... without that, they'll default to the prosecution's version.","Bull: And our cluster's still holding firm around Bird-man? Well, we observed jurors eight and two at a nearby cafeteria agreeing with each other that Gil's new cross of Dormit was weak at best. His mirror juror's still hung up on the road sign Dormit mentioned. Can't see how John missed it. So we'll do a better job at convincing him the sign's irrelevant.","Bull: It's not that easy... He's not naturally an intuitive thinker, you can't change him in a day. It's like trying to get an introvert to be the life of the party. So what do we do? Let's forget about Arthur for the moment. Shore up our maybes. How? John said he won't talk. Correct. But we can have Gil bring up Carter's condition. You want me to ambush my own client on the stand? Gil... No. No way. My job is to tend to the needs of the client. Your job is to make sure that John does not rot in prison. Your job is to make sure that his son doesn't end up in foster care.","Gary: The game is done, all right? He has to sit on the bench... ...wasn't trying to do nothing. I want to win games out there.","John: What is-what is this, the World Series?","Gary: Listen, maybe you find a different sport for your son.","(video shuts off)","Gil: And then you shoved the coach?","John: I pushed him.","I know that that video looks awful and, uh, believe me, I'm not proud of it. Why do you think the coach doesn't want to play Carter as much as the other kids?","John: I'm not saying that he's a top player, but Carter should be able to play more than just last inning. Carter had any trouble keeping up with the other kids? No. What's that supposed to mean? John, I have some documents here from Carter's developmental pediatrician. They speak to some challenges he's faced in the past 18 months. Tell us what was really going through your head when you went to talk to the coach.","(sniffs)","Carter has a motor planning disorder. He's a smart kid, he's the best kid in the world, it just takes him some extra practice to, uh... (sniffs) I'm sorry, I, um, I didn't come here today to talk about Carter. I just-I just never wanted him to be, uh, treated differently, to be seen as weak. Karen wanted me to tell people. And Karen was the smartest person that I know.","Marissa: We won over the maybes, but Arthur is still hung up on the road sign. He needs one more detail to latch on to. I might have a lead on that. And you've been withholding? You're one to talk. What do you mean? Oh, the new dresses, leaving at 7:30. You're dating someone. And you're being unusually cagey about it. Yeah, don't make me do a deep dive. Hey, we have one rule around here. No investigating teammates.","Danny: Oh. Then you shouldn't work with a team of investigators, lady. Arthur is not interested in my dating life. Can you please find something for him to focus on? I'm on it.","Man: Hey! You're Austin. Do I know you? Yeah, virtually. We were talking online about your favorite assemblyman. I'm a friend of John Phillips. I... I got to go. Oh, yeah, you could. You're a really good hacker, Austin. You hid your identity perfectly. All but once. When you donated to Karen Phillip's memorial fund. It was supposed to be a dumb prank. I knew that Dormit would be driving by that day. He'd been tweeting about the fund-raiser all day. You... you really don't like the guy. My mom works at Bretner Library. Or she used to... until... Dormit demolished it to make room for that new highway interchange off Exit 7. Dormit says, \"Who cares? Nobody reads books anymore anyways.\" So I thought I'd get back at him somehow. What did you do, Austin?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Man: What the hell is that?","\"No need to read\"? (laughs)","Cable: We found this on Instagram. Austin hacked the sign.","Man: Somebody's gonna get fired.","Cable: \"No Need to Read\" is just the hacker's stupid joke for Dormit. It was there about 20 minutes before traffic clogged up enough to cause the accident. Once he realized what he had done, he switched it back. John, you really had no warning.","This sign didn't say, \"Slow: congestion ahead.\" This is it. This is the exact detail we needed, because Arthur's a rule-follower, and he'll know that our client did not break the rule. So we recall John back on stand? John? I can't do that. Why not?","I...","I don't think I ever saw the sign. I-I don't remember it. At all.","Marissa: If you don't remember seeing it, so, the prosecution will say the hack doesn't matter. Recall John. Let 'em try.","Mercado: Isn't it odd, Mr. Phillips, that you're just now remembering this hacked sign? It is, but so is being prosecuted for a car accident after losing my wife. After killing your wife, you mean. Objection!","Bergen: Sustained.","Mercado: Why didn't you tell us that the sign was hacked? Because you never saw it?","Cable: The only one to watch is Arthur. So far, he's still with the prosecution.","Marissa: Bull knows what he's doing.","Mercado: Isn't there only one good reason why you missed the sign? Isn't it because you were driving under the influence? Objection! Overruled.","Mercado: You had a drink, you were driving in a fit of rage... That's not what happened. You were so angry that you couldn't think straight. Otherwise, you would have seen that giant sign right in front of you, and Karen would still be alive, wouldn't she? That's not true! Do you remember seeing the sign, hacked or not? No. I don't remember seeing it. Then it doesn't matter if the sign was hacked. All right, this is the fun part. Right. The circus act. It's psychology, not a parade of elephants. It's just the closing argument. You can do this. You want me to lure the jury into a trap. That's a little bit like a circus. Follow my lead. The prosecution argues that the hacked sign doesn't matter...","Gil: The prosecution argues that the hacked sign doesn't matter.","Bull: Because John didn't see it. Because John didn't see it.","Bull: And if he had seen it, well, obviously, he would have remembered it.","Gil: Right?","Bull: Wrong. Our brains take in thousands of pieces of information every minute, and our brains have to unconsciously make choices. Unconsciously make choices.","Bull: And we focus on what matters. We focus on what matters. A sign that says \"No Need to Read\"? Well, it doesn't matter. Still, I understand that maybe you don't believe me. And I figured... this is too important a detail to just take on faith. So this morning, I actually removed a sign from this courtroom. It was big, and it was noticeable, and it's been on that wall for the entire length of this trial. So, can anyone tell me what it said? Nobody?","Gil: How can you be sure they won't remember? Okay, right. I should have learned to trust you and your witchcraft by now. It's not witchcraft. It's science. John read that road sign the way you all read that courtroom sign, but he dismissed it, just like you did, because it wasn't relevant. Just like this one. \"A court officer must be present at all times.\"","Judge: Mr. Foster, I'd appreciate it if you would return my sign now.","Gil: Of course, but this wasn't actually a sign that was on the wall. This was. Objection. Clearly misleading the jury, Judge Bergen. That's my point, Mr. Mercado. It's relevant to our case. Mr. Foster, put back the sign.","Gil: Absolutely, Your Honor. The point is, they weren't relevant. They weren't relevant. So you had no memory of seeing them, or not seeing them. Just... like... John.","Gil: And I can assure you, I can assure you, had that road sign said something relevant, had it said, \"Slow: congestion ahead,\" well, John would have remembered it, and reacted.","Bull: It would have saved Karen's It would have saved Karen's life.","Man (on radio): This is 107.4 with your hourly news update. An acquittal today in the John Phillips manslaughter case involving the death of his wife Karen. The case proceedings may have opened up further legal action... Hey. I owe you... a lot. I told you, I'm already collecting from Judge Lamkin. Now, there is one thing you, uh, you need to do. Just tell me I don't have to reenact my fight with the coach. Oh, I'm not gonna make you do that. You just have to admit Karen was right. She knew the secret. Instead of hiding how Carter's different, maybe it's better to embrace it. He doesn't have to hit home runs to be happy. That was Daddy's joy. He wants to make you proud. He doesn't have to. We know that, but does he?","Carter: Dad! Hey. Did you see my stance? Yeah. Buddy, you looked great. So, what about this batter? What's his average? 310, but his OBP is better. 415 for home games, and his slugging is 523. Awesome, right? Yeah. Covered in awesome sauce. All right, I'll see you later. \u266a So many times before... \u266a So, uh, what are the pitcher's stats?","Carter: He's pretty good. I mean...","John: The batter?","Carter: He's not a stick in the ground, either. Player over there looks pretty tough.","Carter: That one's good. \u266a And one heart won't give you up... \u266a","Bull: Here it comes. Oh, yeah. Mmm, mmm, mmm! You guys got pineapple again? Stop focusing on the details, Chunk. I could focus on the details if they weren't covered in pineapple. Ooh, hot! Ooh! There it is.","All: Boo! So how's your ex-husband? It's tricky business, rekindling with Greg. Who told you? You did. You wore three different shades of green this week. That was his favorite color. Haven't worn green in a long time. I know it's probably a bad idea, and I promise I won't come to you again when things go south... You can always come to me. Thank you.","Danny: Hey, guys, check this out. Have you seen this billboard? \u266a 'Cause I just need a kick start... \u266a","Chunk: Judge Lamkin? She's running against Dormit in the next election. That's amazing. Awesome.","Danny: Look at that.","Benny: Wasn't that a billboard for Dormit?","Cable: Austin's not the only hacker around here.","\u266a And finally let the hurt begin \u266a \u266a Tell me when the hurt begins \u266a \u266a 'Cause honey won't you let me in. \u266a"],"Show Title":"Bull","Episode Number":"01x07","Episode Title":"Never Saw the Sign","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x03.json","Recap":["Grissom investigates a possible suicide at a high-profile construction site. Against the wishes of the Sheriff, Grissom pushes to get at the truth of the matter-he thinks the suicide was actually a homicide, and uses theories on electrocution to look for his killer. Meanwhile, Nick and Catherine take on a case with little more than angora fibers to follow. A teenage boy dies while in session with his female psychologist, and traces of angora on his underwear make them believe the psychologist may be practicing very unconventional methods of \"therapy.\""],"Transcript":["[EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - CONSTRUCTION OVERHEAD -- NIGHT]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE -- NIGHT]","(The site is active. Construction workers are busy. The camera starts about floor three then pans downward through the second floor and down to the first floor where a white truck with a worker wearing a white hard hat arrives on the premises. It stops by a man in a green hard hat, the supervisor.)","Construction Supervisor: You're late","Construction Worker (in truck): Thursday night. Traffic on the strip.","Construction Supervisor: Yeah. Every night. Traffic on the Strip. We're on a deadline, let's go.","(A yellow hard hat his the truck's windshield, cracking it. The CONSTRUCTION SUPERVISOR looks up. Following the hard hat is a body free falling the same path. Upon impact ... )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - NIGHT]","(CLOSE UP of the man on the ground in a pool of blood. GRISSOM walks up to the body and looks straight up.)","Grissom: Man versus Gravity.","(He looks down at the body and shakes his head.)","Grissom: Man lost.","Robert Harris: I think that was his point.","Sheriff Brian Mobley: Hello, Bob.","Robert Harris: Hello, Brian.","Sheriff Brian Mobley: Grissom, what are you doing here?","Grissom: What do you think?","Sheriff Brian Mobley: I didn't use the word \"homicide.\"","Grissom: Dispatch called. The body's on county property.","Sheriff Brian Mobley: We're not looking at a crime here. Bob explained it to me on the phone. His guy was alone up there. He jumped. It was suicide.","Grissom: Then why are you here, Sheriff?","Robert Harris: Look. Roger Valenti was an unhappy guy. Money problems. Family problems. He took the easy way out.","Sheriff Brian Mobley: It's a tragedy, but it's not a crime.","Grissom: Suicide, huh? I don't know, Brian. On the day you decide to end your life, why would you go to work?","HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CONSTRUCTION SITE -ELEVATOR - NIGHT]","Sheriff Brian Mobley: Fourteen hundred new beds means 1,400 criminals off the street. That old jail's maxed. Prisoner population's increased by ten percent in one year. If this place isn't built soon, you do the math","Grissom: You look like the Sheriff, but you talk like the Mayor. Mr. Harris, you get an extra bonus for early completion?","Robert Harris: Twenty grand a day. I'm ten days ahead.","Grissom: Wow, $200,000. You must work your guys pretty hard, huh?","(The elevator stops and everyone gets off.)","[INT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - 12TH FLOOR - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","Grissom: Where exactly was Valenti's work station?","Robert Harris: He had the whole floor to himself. Valenti was usually my first guy up. He would drill the holes for the safety cables. No one walks a new slab until the cables are looped around the perimeter.","(Quick Flashback showing Valenti drilling in the holes for the cables. Flash to white. Resume to present.)","Grissom: Terminal velocity's 9.8 meters per second, squared. He would've hit the ground at under five seconds.","(A Siren wails in the background.)","(GRISSOM, wearing a white visitor's hard hat, walks to the edge of the floor. He puts his kit down and kneels on the ground to look over the edge.)","(FLASH POV: As he peers over the edge, the figure of VALENTI'S body falls past him and straight down to the impact point on the ground beneath them. End of Flash. Resume to present.)","(GRISSOM looks around and notices the drill hanging off the side of the floor. He pulls it up.)","Grissom: Did this belong to Mr. Valenti","Robert Harris: Well, like I said he was the only one up here.","(GRISSOM examines the drill and notices that the metal housing is charred.)","Grissom: This drill is shorted out. Do you think he \"jumped\" before or after he got the shock of his life?","Robert Harris: GFCI would have prevented shock.","Sheriff Brian Mobley: What is GFCI?","Robert Harris: The Ground Fault Circuit Interrupter.","Grissom: Big words meaning you won't get electrocuted.","(GRISSOM grabs his kit and notices the outlet. He moves to examine the plug and notices that the third prong of the plug is cut in half.)","Robert Harris: You see, if there's and electrical imbalance the GFCI trips the circuit and the tools are suppose to shut itself off.","Grissom: But if the third prong of the plug is compromised, the interrupter won't work. Will it, Bob?","Robert Harris: The third prong grounds the drill. Without it, the interrupter's useless.","Grissom: These prongs don't usually snap off by themselves.","(GRISSOM looks around and sees a pair of metal cutters on the floor nearby.)","Grissom: Are all your workers this careless with their tools?","(He reaches into his CSI kit and pulls out pexi-glass, portable evidence box and begins to set up a chamber to super-glue the prints into the handle of the tool.)","Sheriff Brian Mobley: You mind telling me what you're doing?","Grissom: These cutters may have been used to tamper with the grounding prong.","Sheriff Brian Mobley: What happened to good old-fashioned dusting for prints?","Grissom: When your crime scene is twelve stories up ... I don't want to take any chances. I'm going to lock in these prints.","(The gas heats up and fills the containers. Fingerprints appear on the tool's handle.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DR. LEIGH SAPIEN'S RESIDENCE - DAY]","(CATHERINE and NICK walk up to the house. They're met by DETECTIVE O'RILEY.)","Catherine: Hey, O'Riley, we got the 419.","O'Riley: Dylan Buckley-- 14 years old.","(They enter the house where the boy's body is on the floor.)","Sgt. O'Riley: Paramedics pronounced. Coroner's on his way.","Nick: Was he home alone?","Sgt. O'Riley: Not alone. And not his home. (From behind him, a woman dressed in white approaches.) Catherine Willows, Nick Stokes, crime lab. Dr. Leigh Sapien. This is her residence.","Catherine: Well, good. Then you can fill us in.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: We were in the middle of a session.","Catherine: You're a Therapist.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Psychiatrist.","Catherine: And why were you seeing Dylan?","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Doctor-Patient privilege.","Nick: Privilege doesn't extend post-mortem.","Catherine: We can always get a warrant to get your records.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: No need. Dylan suffered from Reactive Attachment Disorder. He was with his mother and I've been treating him for sixteen months.","Catherine: Ten o'clock at night. You use your home?","Dr. Leigh Sapien: I see my patients whenever they need me. On weekends, at night. At the office or here ...","Nick: (interrupting) Why don't you ... just tell us what happened.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Dylan had an argument with his mother. He needed to unload.","(Quick Flashback during v.o. showing DYLAN BUCKLEY sitting on the couch across from DR. LEIGH SAPIEN talking to her. White Flash to DYLAN BUCKLEY convulsing on the couch and falling to the floor. DR. LEIGH SAPIEN trying to hold his head still. DYLAN BUCKLEY hitting his head multiple times on the floor while seizing.)","Dr. Leigh Sapien: He was complaining about his curfew blaming his mother for problems at school. Suddenly, he began to convulse. I tried to stabilize his head. I thought it was grand mal seizure. Dylan was an epileptic. He hit his head. And when the convulsions stopped he was dead.","Catherine: Did you try to revive him.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Of course, standard CPR. Cleared his airway, worked his chest.","(NICK sees something on DR. LEIGH SAPIEN'S white sweater.)","Nick: I take it this wasn't his first convulsion.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: He was diagnosed with epilepsy at age 3.","(NICK slowly approaches DR. LEIGH SAPIEN in a manner that startles her.)","Dr. Leigh Sapien: What are you doing?","Nick: Catherine, we need to get a tape-lift here, please.","(CATHERINE conducts the tape-lift and NICK moves behind DR. SAPIEN looking for anything else they may need.)","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Look, I dialed 9-1-1. I'm not hiding anything.","Catherine: I can see that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- FORENSIC AUTOPSY BAY]","(GRISSOM enters the morgue. ROBBINS is there to brief him over the body.)","Robbins: Quick. Name three human bones that can stand a twelve story drop.","Grissom: Bones of the inner ear: Malleus, Incus, Stapes. High cellular density, completely protected by the skull. Why?","Robbins: They appear to be the only bones not fractured or broken.","Grissom: I want to see the entry and exit wounds.","Robbins: Gil, he wasn't shot. This is the guy that fell of the new jailhouse. Are we talking about the same case here?","Grissom: He fell after he was electrocuted.","Robbins: News to me. I didn't find any physical evidence of electrocution.","Grissom: Faulty drill. There should be burn marks on one of his palms.","(Flash CGI POV of the current deceased's right hand (without burn marks) morphing to a hand with burn marks as an electric sizzle moves from the palm up the deceased's arm. The electric sizzle moves back down the deceased's arm toward the palm leaving the current unmarked skin behind. End of Flash.)","Robbins: Negative on the burn marks. In most electrocution cases, capillaries rupture, hemoglobin leaks into the perivascular tissue.","Grissom: Right. creating a fern-like pattern on the chest.","(Flash CGI POV of the current deceased's unmarked chest. An electric sizzle moves from the deceased's lower right side up and across the chest leaving the pattern behind. The electric sizzle moves back down the deceased's chest leaving the current unmarked skin behind. Flash to white and back to the present.)","Robbins: His body contradicts your crime scene.","Grissom: I don't care what the body says, this guy was electrocuted. It was not an accident.","FLASH TO WHITE:","[EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- TRACE LAB]","(GRISSOM is working on the drill, trying to get the outside casing off so that he can look at its insides. On the same table some distance away, SARA is staring at the pair of boots from the deceased. She stares at them some more. She looks up. She sighs.)","Grissom: What?","Sara: I don't know what I'm looking for.","Grissom: Signs of charring or melting. You've done this before.","Sara: Yeah. But we always go back to the body. The body tells a story and in this case, the body says there was no crime and you're not listening. Why?","Grissom: Every now and then, we have to break the rules. Start with a conclusion and work our way backwards.","Sara: Like, for instance, when we don't agree with the coroner's report?","Grissom: Like, for instance ... in the 1800s, when surgery was Russian roulette and patients were dying on the tables.","Sara: Germs.","Grissom: Until Louis Pasteur theorized that something we could not see, microscopic organisms were attacking the patients.","Sara: Relevance ...","Grissom: Bodies tell a story because we interpret them the way our predecessors taught us to. Just because we don't see something we're supposed to see doesn't mean that it's not there.","(SARA goes back to work on the boots. GRISSOM gets the drill open and starts digging through it. He immediately notices that someone crossed the hot wire with the neutral wire.)","Grissom: Wires were crossed. (This gets SARA's attention.) Polarity's been reversed. This confirms that someone tampered with Valenti's drill.","Sara: The rubber soles of his boots should have protected him from the electrical shock. That is why you're safe when you're in a car during a lightening storm. You're insulated by the rubber tires.","(SARA picks up the boots and holds it up. From GRISSOM'S POV, he can see the bottom of the shoes. He also sees something else on the bottom of the right boot.)","Grissom: Rubber's an insulator, but metal's a conductor. What form of metal hides in plain view at a construction site?","(Flash POV close up to the nail in the bottom of the boot.)","Sara: A nail.","(SARA and GRISSOM smile at the find.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - PRINT LAB]","(CLOSE UP of computer screen as the palm print on the left is compared to the palm print on the right. SARA enters the lab. WARRICK is seated at the computer. He's running the print through the database.)","Sara: Hey.","Warrick: Hey.","Sara: How's that palm print Grissom got off those cutters?","Warrick: Good. I'm running it through AFIS right now. The good thing is that the jailhouse is a union gig and all the union guys are already in the database. What I did for the print was I lined up a ridge detail from the partial that I found on each handle.","Sara: Nice.","(WARRICK sighs.)","Warrick: So ... you think that guy fried before he fell?","Sara: I don't know. We found a nail in his boot. It could have pierced the protective rubber. It might have allowed electricity to course through his body.","Warrick: Bobby Dawson's taking odds. Two to one, Grissom's wrong. Five to one, he gets suspended for shutting down that jailhouse. And ten to one ...","Sara: Fired?","(Computer beeps. WARRICK manually lines up the two palm prints. The computer screen reads: \"FILE HR_145406 AT6501(?)\" in green with the words: \"MATCH FOUND\" (blinking in red)","(The Union ID Card of the person identified pops up on screen along with a picture with the following information. It belongs to ROBERT HARRIS, night-shift project manager for the new Clark County Jailhouse.)","[UNION IDENTIFICATION (Name) ROBERT HARRIS (Union ID) ELE2908-3492-0982-EEC (Soc. Sec #:) 1291-555-3528 (Classification:) Class 4F (s*x) M (Endorse) M","(Insured) 12-1990]","Grissom: (V.O.) Sounds like you got a match.","(WARRICK and SARA are both surprised to see GRISSOM leaning against the open door. Neither one knew he was standing there. Both wondering ... )","Warrick: Hey, Griss. How long you been standing there?","Sara: (interrupting) Yeah, yeah, we do. The, um ... it's a former union guy turned night shift project manager.","Warrick: Robert Harris. Does that name mean anything?","Grissom: Yeah. Especially if you bet against me.","(GRISSOM walks away leaving SARA and WARRICK wondering just how much he heard.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPTARTMENT - MAIN HALLWAY]","(GRISSOM is talking with ROBERT HARRIS. SHERIFF BRIAN MOBLEY is also there.)","Robert Harris: My prints are on the metal cutters because my prints are all over everything at the site. I'm the project manager.","Sheriff Brian Mobley: There's no mystery here.","Grissom: You're the project manager but you don't actually use all the tools, right?","Robert Harris: I'm vigilant about safety. I'm always inspecting the equipment, tools ...","Sheriff Brian Mobley: Look, this is what's going to happen here. The construction site is going to reopen and the investigation goes away.","Grissom: Sure. After the lab processes all the evidence.","(Behind the group, through the glass wall, BRASS is standing there. He taps on the window to get GRISSOM'S attention.)","Grissom: Excuse me.","(GRISSOM and BRASS talk out in the hallway.)","Brass: For the record, I don't like being put in the middle.","Grissom: Who does?","Brass: I did a little homework on the guy who took a nosedive after he was electrocuted. Three days ago, he was voted union rep. Demanded more overtime pay, pressed for a walkout.","Grissom: Motive?","Brass: Right. (he turns to leave, then stops.) Well, in case you're interested Bob Harris was the sheriff's best man.","(GRISSOM turns to go back to meet with ROBERT HARRIS and THE SHERIFF.)","Sheriff Brian Mobley: Well, what was that about?","Grissom: Ah, we're in a bowling league together.","Sheriff Brian Mobley: Can we wrap this up?","Grissom: Sure. Someone tampered with Roger Valenti's drill. And I have only one suspect. (He looks at ROBERT HARRIS.)","Sheriff Brian Mobley: I read the coroner's prelim. There is nothing in it about electrocution.","Grissom: That's why they call it a prelim. Mr. Harris, were you opposed to Roger Valenti's union activities?","Robert Harris: Of course not. I'm a union man myself.","Sheriff Brian Mobley: You're fishing, Gil. We're done here. Moving on.","(Both THE SHERIFF and ROBERT HARRIS leave GRISSOM standing there with a grim look on his face.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE 09:","[INT. CSI LAB]","(NICK opens the package of evidence. He pulls out DYLAN BUCKLEY'S clothes and begins examining it. One shirt, one pants and one pair of boxers. He examines the shirt and the pants. He finds nothing. Then he sees it. The tan-colored fibers on the white boxer shorts. He collects it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. FORENSIC AUTOPSY ROOM B-28]","(ROBBINS is walking MRS. BUCKLEY out of the room.)","Robbins: Mrs. Buckley, do you have someone to drive you home? (she doesn't answer him) Mrs. Buckley?","Mrs. Buckley: Yes?","Robbins: Do you have someone to drive you home?","Mrs. Buckley: No, uh, thank you. I'll be all right.","[INT. CSI HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(MRS. BUCKLEY slowly makes her way out into the hallway. NICK is on his way to see DOC ROBBINS and sees her.)","Nick: Mrs. Buckley? I'm Nick Stokes. I'm from the crime lab. I've been assigned to your son's case.","Mrs. Buckley: Crime lab?","Nick: It's protocol.","Mrs. Buckley: We were just having pizza together. He seemed fine. And I dropped him off at Dr. Sapien's and ... my husband passed away three years ago and now my ...","(She's distraught and can't continue.)","Mrs. Buckley: (whispers) ... my baby's gone.","Nick: (quietly) I understand.","Mrs. Buckley: If you'll excuse me, I need to go make arrangements.","Nick: Sure.","(She walks past him. Without turning around, he says ... )","Nick: I'm sorry for your loss.","Mrs. Buckley: Thank you.","(She walks off screen. Camera holds on NICK.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. FORENSIC AUTOPSY ROOM -- CONTINUOUS]","(NICK enters the room. ROBBINS is standing over the body.)","Robbins: My youngest just turned 14. Tough age.","Nick: Cause of death?","Robbins: Cranial-cerebral injuries. Comminuted fractures of the occipital bone.","(FLASHBACK CGI POV: Camera starts above DYLAN BUCKLEY'S head and falls forward through his forehead, though the muscle and down to the skull where it cracks. Flash to white. Resume present.)","Nick: Injuries consistent with a grand mal seizure?","Robbins: First blush? Yes. Waiting on toxicology. In the meantime, check out his torso.","Nick: He's covered in bruises. Possibly from being thrashed during the seizure?","Robbins: Possibly.","Nick: I found tan fibers on his boxers.","Robbins: You, too, huh? His body's covered in them.","Nick: Fibers on his body and his underwear but not on his shirt and pants, why?","Robbins: Well, maybe it was as simple as he wasn't wearing his shirt and pants.","Nick: Okay, then at some point he was with his Shrink in his underwear.","Robbins: Exactly what kind of therapy was this?","(Camera hold on NICK.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. PARKING LOT OUTSIDE LVPD - NIGHT]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(GRISSOM parks his car in front of the LAS VEGAS POLICE DEPARTMENT. He gets out and makes his way to the building entrance. He's stopped on the sidewalk. From behind him, a hand grabs him by the shoulder.)","Ian Wolf: Gil Grissom?","Grissom: Yes.","Ian Wolf: I have information about Roger Valenti.","Grissom: Call Jim Brass at homicide.","(GRISSOM turns around to leave. The man stops him again.)","Ian Wolf: I was the union rep before Roger. The walkout was my idea. Bob Harris threatened me and my family. I wouldn't betray the union so I gave up my position at the local. Roger picked up where I left off.","Grissom: Why are you telling me this?","Ian Wolf: Because it could have been me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI LAB]","Greg: Cheese. Milk. Sweaters. What do these things have in common?","Catherine: Goat cheese, goat milk.","Nick: Goat ... sweaters?","Catherine: Angora.","Greg: Ding, ding, ding. Fibers from the lady shrink, fibers from the boy. Both are angora.","(GREG hands CATHERINE an opened book.)","Nick: Angora is processed goat hair?","Greg: Mm-hmm.","Catherine: Sheered, washed, spun and dyed. Angora's 100% goat. You didn't know that, Nick?","(CATHERINE hands the book to NICK and leaves.)","Nick: Must be a chick thing.","(GREG laughs.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY]","(ROBBINS is closing up for the night. GRISSOM rounds the corner just in time to catch him.)","Grissom: I need to see the body again.","Robbins: No can do. Released six hours ago.","Grissom: Final report?","Robbins: Another 24, but there's nothing in there to support Valenti was electrocuted.","Grissom: Doc, please?","Robbins: You want to look at my notes?","(ROBBINS turns around to go back inside.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT]","(ROBBINS opens the case file folder that contains his notes. GRISSOM is sitting on the seat next to him.)","Grissom: So, what have you got? I mean, anything unusual, even the mundane.","Robbins: His troponin enzymes are elevated.","Grissom: Troponin levels become elevated following ventricular fibrillation which could be caused by electrocution, right?","Robbins: Sure, but troponin's found in all victims of cardiac arrest, most of whom have not been zapped.","Grissom: Work with me, will you?","Robbins: Uh, vic also had an elevated concentration of iron in his blood -- six, seven times normal.","Grissom: Life-threatening?","Robbins: No.","Grissom: What else?","Robbins: Well, it fits the bill of \"mundane.\" His skin looked jaundiced.","Grissom: Postmortem deoxygenation.","Robbins: Dead or alive, your vic's epidermis is yellow.","Grissom: Tell me about his testicles.","Robbins: (surprised) What? ... Okay, I'm working with you. Uh, I don't remember. I mean, genetics can be fascinating -- and there are things I take note of -- but I didn't focus on his genitals.","Grissom: Thanks, doc.","Robbins: You're welcome.","(GRISSOM leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM]","(GRISSOM walks into the lounge and sees SARA and WARRICK. GRISSOM looks a little annoyed.)","Grissom: What're you guys doing?","Sara: Waiting for an assignment. You got a new case for us?","Grissom: A new case?","Warrick: Well, we heard the sheriff put the brakes on the investigation.","Grissom: You didn't hear that from me, did you?","(GREG takes the hint, gathers his things up and stands up to leave.)","Greg: I think I smell something burning in the DNA lab. Love to stay and chat, but ...","(He almost makes it to the door when ... )","Grissom: Greg ... I hope that's not the crossword puzzle.","(GREG stops, turns around and silently hands the folded origami crane to GRISSOM and leaves. Yep, it looks like the used the crossword puzzle as paper.)","Grissom: What about the nail that we pulled out of Valenti's boot? Dusted?","Sara: No, because ...","Grissom: (interrupting) Process the nail, please. And if you get a print ...","(SARA stands and heads out the door.)","Sara: I'll compared it to Bob Harris' ten card. Anything else?","Grissom: Yes. Metal cutters. I need you to prove or disprove whether they were used to sever the drill's grounding prong.","Sara: Okay.","(SARA leaves. GRISSOM turns to WARRICK.)","Grissom: And you're with me.","(WARRICK stands up to follow GRISSOM.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) -- NIGHT]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. FUNERAL PARLOR]","(WARRICK and GRISSOM enter the funeral parlor. It looks like a very classy place. Vivaldi's Four Seasons is playing rather loudly in the background. They walk to the back where we find MR. RANDY GESEK, Funeral Director, air conducting enthusiastically to the music.)","Grissom: Mr. Gesek!","(RANDY GESEK turns around, slightly embarrassed.)","Grissom: You're conducting ...","(He turns the tape recorder near by off. He's out of breath.)","Randy Gesek: I didn't hear you come in.","Grissom: ... Vivaldi, Four Seasons.","Randy Gesek: Vivaldi ... Valenti. Both Italians. It's like being in Venice. Why are you here? Do I need a lawyer?","Grissom: Have you prepped him yet?","Randy Gesek: I was just about to commence draining when I got distracted.","Grissom: Yeah, I know, Venice. I need to see his testicles.","Randy Gesek: I always thought there was something weird about you.","(GRISSOM approaches the body, getting ready to lift the sheet up when GESEK stops him.)","Randy Gesek: Excuse me. You can't just come in here and look at my guy's goods. If I let you see them I have to let everybody see them. But ... perhaps we can work something out.","Warrick: What? Do you want us to pay to see them?","Randy Gesek: That's a good idea, but no. I'm starting a new business. Crime scene cleanup. I'm going to want some referrals.","Grissom: I'll put you on the list.","(GRISSOM puts on the latex gloves and lifts up the sheets to look at MR. VALENTI.)","Grissom: Testicular atrophy. They're the size of peas.","Randy Gesek: Poor guy.","Warrick: Yeah, that's rough. And the significance of this evidence?","Grissom: Hemochromatosis. Valenti had elevated levels of iron in his blood. Yellow pallor, shrunken testicles ... I think he's been ingesting trace amounts of iron over a long period of time.","Randy Gesek: Why'd he eat iron?","Warrick: Trace amounts are odorless, tasteless.","Randy Gesek: He probably didn't even know. You're saying he was poisoned?","Grissom: No. Iron molecules take a long time to build up. Could have been his diet repeated blood transfusions, excessive smoking possibly hereditary abnormalities.","Warrick: So, where does this get us?","Grissom: One step closer. Mr. Gesek? Stick a syringe in his carotid all the way to his clavicle.","Warrick: You want his blood?","Grissom: One pint, to go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY]","(WARRICK is walking through the hallway when he meets up with SARA.)","Sara: Warrick.","Warrick: Hey.","Sara: I got a thumbprint off that nail.","Warrick: Cool.","Sara: Only a partial. Print lab's running a comparison.","Warrick: Whatever happened with those metal cutters?","Sara: Serrations didn't match up. They weren't used on the grounding prong. What's in the envelope?","Warrick: Roger Valenti's blood. Grissom wants it packaged in plastic. I don't know. Don't ask.","Sara: You want lunch?","Warrick: Later.","(WARRICK walks away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. HOT DOG STAND]","(NICK has his hot dog and is putting stuff on it.)","Nick: Hey, Catherine.","Catherine: Yeah?","Nick: You ever been in therapy?","Catherine: Who hasn't? Didn't save my marriage.","Nick: And you were okay sharing your problems with a complete stranger?","Catherine: Rather I tell them to you?","(SGT. O'RILEY parks his car across the street and gets out.)","Sgt. O'Riley: Somebody order a warrant?","Nick: Yeah.","Sgt. O'Riley: Mustard and relish. Hold the onions.","Nick: I hope it's a general.","Sgt. O'Riley: Epilepsy. Eyewitness physician dials 9-1-1. Coroner's not making any noise. You're lucky to get a limited.","Nick: What do you mean, we're lucky? We've got fibers on a 14-year-old kid and the shrink's clothing.","Sgt. O'Riley: Which would have got you nothing. But I did a background check on the good doctor. While back, she had her license suspended. s*x with a patient. Teen's parents filed a complaint with the A.P.A.","Nick: s*x with a minor. Suspension's a joke. Should have lost her license, minimum.","Catherine: Yeah, well, this time, maybe she will.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT CSI LAB]","(GRISSOM is busy stripping and rigging the electrical wires on a lamp. He twists in the light bulb. WARRICK walks in with the envelope.)","Warrick: Hey, Gris. Valenti's blood. Packaged, ready to go.","Grissom: Thank you.","Warrick: You want to fill me in here? I mean, this wasn't covered in any science class I took.","Grissom: Well, iron is a conductive mineral. I want to know if there was enough iron in Valenti's blood to conduct electricity.","Warrick: That's far out.","Grissom: Yeah, well ... we'll see. Plug in the blood.","(GRISSOM finishes putting the wires in the blood and hands the plug to WARRICK. Oh, yeah. The light goes on. GRISSOM looks extremely pleased.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DR. SAPIEN'S RESIDENCE - DAY]","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Angora fibers? What does that have to do with anything?","(NICK is looking for something on the floor.)","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Excuse me. I don't appreciate being treated like a suspect.","Nick: Then maybe you should wait outside.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Do you consider me a suspect? Because that's how I'm feeling.","(NICK doesn't respond.)","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Fine. Don't answer me. It's your choice.","Nick: That's the funny thing about choices. Once you make them you have to live with them.","(He shakes his head.)","Nick: Dylan Buckley was just a boy. He trusted you and you abused that trust.","(CATHERINE appears holding a folded tan-colored blanket wrapped in plastic.)","Catherine: Linen closet, top shelf.","Nick: Was that blanket here ... on the floor?","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Were you and Dylan under it?","(FLASHBACK POV of DYLAN BUCKLEY sitting on the couch. DR. SAPIEN sits next to him and starts to kiss and caress him. NICK is in the background watching. DYLAN BUCKLEY resists. DR. SAPIEN restrains him. Both are on the floor on the tan-colored blanket. Flash to white.)","Nick: He was a 14-year-old kid. What's the matter with you?","Catherine: He resisted; you persisted. Then what?","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Look, I don't know the basis of your allegations but I have never crossed the line with a patient.","Nick: That's not what your rap sheet says.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: \"Rap sheet\"?","Catherine: s*x with an underage patient.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: I was a resident. He was 17. We were in ... look, no criminal charges were filed. It should have been expunged from my record.","Catherine: It doesn't make you any less guilty.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Lady, I'm not a saint but I am not a killer or a child molester. Dylan Buckley was an epileptic. He had a seizure. He hit his head. That's the truth. You don't like it, you can leave.","Nick: We got what we came here for.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DR. SAPIEN'S RESIDENCE - DAY]","(NICK and CATHERINE are leaving.)","Catherine: What's going on with you?","Nick: I'm on a case.","Catherine: We're on a case.","Nick: Right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM -- REFRIGERATOR]","(GRISSOM opens the refrigerator and is looking for something. Now, do we really need to know that there is a full bottle of Welch's Grape Juice on the right and among other things, a box of Pepperidge Farm Spritzers (lemon) cookies on the left? Yeah, I thought not. GRISSOM moves this ... lifts that ... doesn't find whatever he's looking for and closes the door.)","[INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM - DAY]","(On his way out, SARA walks in holding folders and a paper package.)","Grissom: Hey, is that from the deli?","Sara: Egg salad sandwich. You want half?","Grissom: No. Can I have your pickle?","Sara: Yeah.","(She hands him the wrapped pickle.)","Sara: You can have it.","(GRISSOM unwraps it and holds it up.)","Grissom: Oh, that's a nice one.","(GRISSOM leaves SARA standing there with a puzzled look on her face.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI LAB]","(GRISSOM wires up SARA'S pickle and places it on an upside down petrie dish. Completely curious at what he could possibly want with her pickle, SARA walks in and lingers near the doorway while finishing up her sandwich. GRISSOM plugs it in and fires up SARA'S pickle. It lights up. It flickers. It crackles. It sizzles. It glows.)","Sara: You turned my pickle into a light bulb.","Grissom: I'm electrocuting it.","Sara: (amused) You sure are.","Warrick: That would explain that smell.","Grissom: This is how I cooked my hot dogs in college.","(He unplugs the pickle and holds it up for everyone to examine.)","Grissom: Check out the burn marks.","Sara: There are none.","Warrick: Just like Valenti's body. No evidence of electrocution.","Grissom: Pickles are high in sodium content.","Warrick: And sodium is conductive, just like iron.","Grissom: Normally, the flow of electricity through a body generates heat.","(FLASHBACK POV showing us a crackle of electricity passing down a golf club through the person holding it. A CGI electric sizzle asses through the man's shirt showing us the fern-like pattern underneath. Cut to the man's legs as we follow the electric current flow down the man's legs and into the ground. Cut back to present.)","Grissom: Burn marks are the physical evidence of that heat. But ... if the body offers no resistance to the flow of electricity-no heat, no burn marks.","Warrick: Roger Valenti's body offered up no resistance because of the excess iron in his blood.","Sara: The iron conducted the electricity.","Warrick: Making his body one big wire -- path to ground.","Sara: In through his hand from the drill; out through the nail in the boot.","Grissom: No burn marks, but he was still electrocuted.","(GRISSOM gives SARA back her cooked pickle. She takes it and looks at it.)","(FLASHBACK POV showing us Valenti grabbing the drill and flicking the switch turning it on. We follow the path of the switch from the drill back to the damaged plug where it shorts. White flash as we follow the current tracking back up the cord back up through the drill. CGI shows us the inside of the drill where the current hits the crossed wires. It blows. White flash to the current passing through the drill handle flowing through the veins as Valenti's blood conducts the electricity. White flash back out from the nail in Valenti's boot to the ground. White flash as Valenti is electrocuted. He and the drill fall off of the twelfth floor. White flash to present.)","Warrick: So, you've just proved murder.","(GREG walks in holding a piece of paper. He hands it to GRISSOM.)","Greg: I wouldn't break out that champagne just yet. Don't go shooting the messenger. Thumbprint from the nail.","(GRISSOM looks at it. Surprised.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- HALLWAY]","(GRISSOM is talking with SHERIFF BRIAN MOBLEY.)","Sheriff Brian Mobley: Bob Harris' prints were not on the murder weapon. Is that what you're telling me?","Grissom: They were not on the nail. You see, I think that someone stuck a nail in the victim's boot and it evidently wasn't Bob Harris.","Sheriff Brian Mobley: In other words, you made a suspect out of an innocent man.","Grissom: Obviously, that wasn't my intent.","(THE SHERIFF walks away. GRISSOM follows.)","Sheriff Brian Mobley: Oh, good. Then maybe you'll want to bring that up in the newspaper article.","Grissom: What are you talking about? What newspaper article?","Sheriff Brian Mobley: The one I'm arranging for your public apology.","Grissom: I'm not making an apology.","Sheriff Brian Mobley: Oh, yes, you are. You don't go after a friend of mine, sully his reputation and then walk away. Actions have consequences, Gil. Even yours.","(THE SHERIFF leaves. Camera holds on GRISSOM.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- LAB]","(GRISSOM is on the computer looking through the database of \"UNION OF ELECTRIAL WORKERS\". BRASS walks in.)","Brass: I heard the sheriff chewed you a new one.","Grissom: You get my message?","Brass: Yeah, you want me to check out your \"Deep Throat?\"","(GRISSOM hands BRASS the print out that reads:)","[UNION OF ELECTRICAL WORKERS WOLF, IAN No. IW553620 493 Briarway, LV NV 89108","Write up on bottom, under the photo: \"Mr. Wolf has worked as an electrical contractor for over 24 years. His experience is mostly in the area of new housing and tract housing developments. He is not limited to this kind of work, however. He has also participated in massive government projects such as hi-tech facilities, communications stations, energy generators, and others.\"]","Brass: Well, that was fast.","Grissom: Ian Wolf, Union of Electrical Workers, Local 37. He wanted to make sure that I stayed on Harris for the murder of Roger Valenti.","Brass: Doesn't that tell you something?","Grissom: I told him to talk to you.","Brass: I'll check out the guy. Gil, why do you do this to yourself?","Grissom: What?","Brass: The guy's dead. It could have been suicide ... accident. But you've always got to push it.","Grissom: Just like any other case.","Brass: You know what I think? Adrenaline. You need the rush. But that's just me.","(BRASS leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(NICK works on swabbing the blanket. He unrolls it and methodically blocks off sections of the blanket with swabs. It's a long, tedious process, but he seems determined.)","(He starts with the first block completed. Dissolve to three completed sections. Dissolve to ten completed sections. Dissolve to NICK working on the final three sections of the blanket.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY]","(CATHERINE is walking down the hallway with an open file folder in her hands. She notices NICK in the lab talking with DAVID PHILLIPS, getting some test results. CATHERINE stops by the doorway just in time to hear ... )","David Phillips: Stokes.","Nick: Okay. Thank you, David.","David Phillips: No sweat.","(DAVID PHILLIPS stands and leaves the room. He passes CATHERINE on the way out.)","David: (to Catherine) Hey, he asked for it.","[INT. CSI LAB]","Catherine: How many swabs does it take to process a blanket?","Nick: I'm thorough.","Catherine: The lab tested Dylan Buckley's blood for Creatine Kinase which would be elevated post-seizure ...","Nick: ... but Dylan Buckley's levels were normal. I just got my own copy of the report. Dr. Sapien lied.","(NICK walks out of the lab. CATHERINE calls after him.)","Catherine: You're racing me, Nick. We're driving the same car.","(NICK doesn't stop walking down the hallway. He doesn't respond to CATHERINE'S question.)","Catherine: Nick!","(NICK still doesn't respond. He keeps walking down the hallway.)","Catherine: Nick, I'll have you removed from the case.","(NICK stops. He turns around as CATHERINE approaches him.)","Catherine: You're confronting suspects before the evidence is processed. You're flying solo, cutting me out. What's going on?","Nick: (he takes a deep breath) Okay. There are some people you're supposed to be able to trust, you know? I was nine. And she was a last-minute baby-sitter. (CATHERINE'S stunned.) All I can remember doing afterwards is sitting in my room in the dark, staring at the door waiting for my mom to get home. But I've never told anyone before.","Catherine: I'm sorry.","Nick: It's what makes a person, I guess.","(NICK apologizes.)","Nick: I'm sorry, Catherine.","(He walks away. Camera holds on CATHERINE.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT INTERROGATION ROOM]","(BRASS is questioning IAN WOLF. GRISSOM is sitting in the back.)","Ian Wolf: You checked me out. So what? Worst thing I've done is get a speeding ticket.","Brass: And take a pipe to Roger Valenti's head four days before he died. No, it wasn't on the foreman's report. Valenti's widow told me.","(GRISSOM looks over at IAN WOLF'S tool belt on the table next to him.)","Ian Wolf: It's a work site. Guys get in beefs all the time.","Brass: But this guy died and Bob Harris had nothing to do with it.","Grissom: Despite your efforts to make it seem that way.","Ian Wolf: Look, I'm not saying another word till I talk to a union lawyer. I pay my dues and these guys play hardball.","(IAN WOLF stands, picks up his hard hat and tool belt, and leaves the room.)","Brass: He's guilty.","Grissom: Let's not make the same mistake twice.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. GREG'S LAB]","Greg: FYI. Thirty swabs in six hours? Not realistic, all right? Even for me.","Nick: Come on, Greg, I thought you liked a challenge. What are we looking at here?","Greg: Lots and lots of epithelials. There were skin cells shed all over the blanket.","Catherine: Dylan Buckley's. Dr. Sapien's.","Greg: You're two-thirds of the way there. I also isolated a set of cells from another individual. Identity unknown. But when it's important to Nick here, I push further. Seven of the 13 markers matched your dead kid.","Catherine: Familial DNA.","Nick: Father's dead, means we're looking at mom.","Catherine: Naked kid under a blanket at his shrink's late at night and his mother's there.","Greg: Yeah, your case just entered a whole new dimension of weird.","(Camera holds on NICK'S thoughtful look. Behind him, we see GRISSOM walk into the hallway his nose in a file, the camera follows GRISSOM.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(GRISSOM'S holding a file folder and definitely going somewhere.)","[INT. CSI - PRINT LAB]","(GRISSOM enters the room and sees SARA at the computer.)","Grissom: Where's Mandy?","Sara: She's cross-eyed from running our partial. I didn't want to lose any time, so I took over. The database is 70,000. It could still take a while.","Grissom: What if I narrowed the scope? To one.","Sara: We got a suspect?","Grissom: Ian Wolf. Like the animal not the authors.","(SARA makes the entry and hits enter. The computer lines up the prints and beeps with the results.)","[On the top left corner of the Left Print:","#9208390: IAN WOLF]","[ON THE BOTTOM OF THE LEFT PRINT: IN A BOX LABELED: \"MATCH TREE\"","Ian Wolf: REF# 9208390_DBASE F????74","(in red) MATCH PROBABILITY: 100%","(in red) L32,LT45, RH87, GHR29, PR11A(?), PR11B(?)]","Sara: Partial overlay. Perfect match. Now we've just got to place him at the crime scene.","Grissom: Warrick's on it. I got a warrant for his tool belt -- metal cutters included.","(GRISSOM leaves. Camera hold on SARA.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. FORENSIC AUTOPSY ROOM]","(DOC ROBBINS is eating when NICK and CATHERINE walk in.)","Nick: Doc? The kid in his underwear ... Tell us about the Y-incision.","Doc Robbins: Leftovers from my anniversary dinner.","Catherine: Congratulations.","Doc Robbins: Thanks. Same tan fibers I found on the outside I found on the inside. Mouth, nasal passages, both lungs.","Catherine: He was wrapped in that blanket.","Nick: Mm-hmm. Head-to-toe.","(Flash to White: CGI Flash POV showing us DYLAN BUCKLEY wrapped in the tan-colored angora blanket. The blanket covers his entire head and body. Camera starts from above the blanket. DYLAN opens his mouth and the camera dives in and down through his air passages carrying some of the blanket fibers with it.)","FLASH TO WHTE:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT INTERROGATION ROOM]","Catherine: Mrs. Buckley, we know that your son didn't have a seizure. We also know that you were at Dr. Sapien's house with Dylan the night that he died.","Nick: He was in his underwear wrapped in a blanket fighting for every breath.","Mrs. Buckley: I loved my son.","Nick: That's what every parent says.","Mrs. Buckley: This ... this was therapy. I had tried everything else. Taken him to so many specialists. But I couldn't reach him. So we ... we tried the ... (she looks at DR. SAPIEN) I have to tell them.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: It's called Re-Birthing.","Nick: Re-Birthing?","Dr. Leigh Sapien: It's a technique used to treat extreme behavioral disorders. Idea is to turn back the clock. Wipe the slate clean. Allow the child to re-bond with his mother.","Catherine: What is the blanket for?","Dr. Leigh Sapien: It represents the birth canal.","Catherine: So you wrapped Dylan up ... beat the hell out of him and hocus-pocus, he's supposed to love you again?","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Rebirthing may not be a recognized therapeutic procedure, but it's not illegal.","Sgt. O'Riley: Last time I checked, murder is.","Mrs. Buckley: I begged her to do it.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: All other methods of therapy had failed. Dylan was becoming more belligerent, withdrawn, even dangerous.","Mrs. Buckley: I just wanted my son to love me. That's all.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Dylan was a willing participant.","Sgt. O'Riley: He was 14.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: I instructed Dylan to lie down on the floor. In a fetal position. As part of the process ...","(Flashback during (V.O.): DYLAN BUCKLEY in his boxers. DR. SAPIEN and MRS. BUCKLEY are in the living room also. Flash to white. DYLAN BUCKLEY on the tan-colored blanket. Flash to white to present. Camera hold on CATHERINE.)","Dr. Leigh Sapien: ... I asked him if he wanted to be reborn to his mother. He said yes.","(Flashback: DR. SAPIEN and MRS. BUCKLEY gathering the edges of the blanket and effectively wrapping the blanket around DYLAN.)","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Now we're going to close the womb. And twist it.","(End of Flashback. Resume Present. Camera on NICK.)","Nick: So, then what happened? Things got out of hand? He changed his mind?","(MRS. BUCKLEY covers her eyes as she begins to cry.)","Catherine: Somewhere in the middle of an angora birth canal?","(Flashback: DR. SAPIEN and MRS. BUCKLEY hold the blanket closed as DYLAN begins to struggle inside.)","Dr. Leigh Sapien: It's time to be reborn. That's it, Dylan. Push harder, push harder! Harder ...","Dylan Buckley: Mom, stop it! I can't breathe!","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Push hard.","Dylan Buckley: Mom, please just stop!","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Do you want to be reborn or stay in there and die?","Dylan Buckley: Quit pushing on me, please! Mom, please, I want this to stop.","Mrs. Buckley: ... maybe we should ...","Dr. Leigh Sapien: No, this is what happens. We can't stop now. Trust me. This is the normal response.","(End of Flashback. Resume Present. Camera on MRS. BUCKLEY.)","Mrs. Buckley: I thought it was part of the process. She told me that that's what he was supposed to say. That babies don't want to come out.","Dr. Leigh Sapien: That's right.","Mrs. Buckley: That that's why it's such an ordeal for the woman.","Catherine: So you pushed on him like a mother in labor?","(Flashback: DR. SAPIEN and MRS. BUCKLEY hold the blanket closed as DYLAN continues to struggle inside.)","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Come on. Push harder.","Dylan Buckley: No, mom, I can't breathe!","(DR. SAPIEN and MRS. BUCKLEY hold the blanket closed as DYLAN continues to struggle inside.)","Dr. Leigh Sapien: Push harder! (DYLAN continues to fight against them.) That's it.","(DYLAN'S stops struggling. DR. SAPIEN and MRS. BUCKLEY open the blanket. DYLAN'S not moving.)","Mrs. Buckley: Dylan? DYLAN? HONEY?","(End of Flashback. Resume Present. Camera on MRS. BUCKLEY.)","Dr. Leigh Sapien: When we opened the blanket, his eyes were closed. I thought he was pretending to be asleep.","Nick: So much for your ... therapy.","(Both DR. SAPIEN and MRS. BUCKLEY look at NICK. NICK stands and leaves the room.)","Nick: Excuse me.","Mrs. Buckley: And that's why we tried to hide it. We knew you wouldn't understand.","(Camera holds on CATHERINE.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI LAB]","(WARRICK is processing IAN WOLF'S wire cutters. GRISSOM and SARA watch.)","Warrick: Twin moons of Venus.","Grissom: Overlap to one.","Warrick: Striations match.","Sara: Wolf stuck a nail in Valenti's boot, compromised the drill and cut the grounding prong with his own cutters.","Warrick: Seems like a lot of work to kill a guy.","Grissom: Not for an electrician I'm going to find Brass.","(GRISSOM starts to leave the room. WARRICK stops him.)","Warrick: Hey, Griss. I think I can speak for both of us when I say I'm sorry that we let you down.","Sara: We quit before we should have.","Grissom: Yeah, you did.","(GRISSOM leaves. Camera holds on SARA and WARRICK.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CONSTRUCTION SITE -- NIGHT]","(Sounds of construction hammering and drilling. BRASS, followed by GRISSOM and a couple of officers find IAN WOLF at the construction site.)","Brass: Mr. Wolf. We got you for murder. Premeditated.","Ian Wolf: You know this from my cutters?","Grissom: They're just part of the story.","(Flash to white: FLASHBACK POV showing us IAN WOLF opening ROGER VALENTI'S locker, pulling out his right boot and sticking a nail on the bottom, pressing it in with his thumb.)","Grissom: (V.O.) You spiked Roger's boot with the nail -- compromised the insulation.","(Flash to white. Resume Present. Camera on GRISSOM.)","Grissom: You reversed the polarity in his drill.","(Flash to white: Flashback POV showing us IAN WOLF on the floor cutting the drill's grounding prong with his wire cutters. Flash to white. A pair of wire cutters slipping out of a plastic thermos being placed on the ground.)","Grissom: (V.O.) You cut the grounding prong, planted evidence. And killed a man.","(Flash to white. Resume Present. Camera on GRISSOM.)","(Flash to white. Flashback shows us ROGER VALENTI picking up his drill, the electricity coursing through his body, his hard hat falling off his head to the ground below, getting electrocuted and falling off the 12th floor to the ground below.)","(Flash to white. Resume Present. Camera on IAN WOLF.)","Brass: You're under arrest.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The officers handcuff IAN WOLF and escort him to their cars. On their way out, they run into THE SHERIFF.)","Sheriff Brian Mobley: Grissom.","Brass: (to GRISSOM) It's all you, man.","(BRASS goes with IAN WOLF. GRISSOM heads off to talk with THE SHERIFF.)","Grissom: Sheriff.","Sheriff Brian Mobley: You got the bad apple.","Grissom: Yeah, how about that? Just in time for my big \"public apology\".","Sheriff Brian Mobley: I may be changing the tenor of that piece somewhat. You won't be the goat but you won't be the hero, either.","Grissom: Good, I leave that to you.","Sheriff Brian Mobley: That's why we will continue to work well together.","(GRISSOM walks away without saying anything.)","Sheriff Brian Mobley: Grissom ..."],"Show Title":"CSI Crime Scene Investigation","Episode Number":"02x03","Episode Title":"Overload","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x15.json","Recap":["Grissom investigates the murder of a Las Vegas photographer whose remains were dumped at a nearby body farm where CSIs routinely study corpses, and his findings reveal that the man was apparently shot to death even though there are no bullet fragments in the body. Also, Grissom's leadership is questioned by some members of his staff."],"Transcript":["[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EVENING]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT (STOCK) - EVENING]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. - NIGHT]","(The camera moves low to the ground. The leaves on the floor are rustling in the night wind. The camera catches up to a pair of legs walking; a flashlight casting a beam on the ground.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Man with flashlight looking for something.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Fog on the surface of the lake. Flashlight beams on a body partially in the water, partially on the shore. The light beams on the dead body's face. GRISSOM kneels in for a closer look. His flashlight catches some bugs on the dead body's arm. Without a backward glance, he moves on.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(GRISSOM moves toward an old white pick-up truck. He looks into the carriage and sees a dead body behind the driver's wheel, a rodent on the cadaver's left shoulder.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(GRISSOM walks along and sees something. He kneels down for a closer look. Behind him, a figure of another man makes his way toward GRISSOM. GRISSOM examines the dead body on the ground. The figure behind GRISSOM approaches. The flashlight clutched in his right hand turned off and swinging ominously.)","(GRISSOM doesn't move and continues to examine the body on the ground, his back to the approaching figure. The figure behind reaches GRISSOM and kneels down. He looks at the dead body over GRISSOM'S shoulder.)","Edward Cormier: That one's not ours.","Grissom: You sure?","Edward Cormier: I authorize all cadavers and associated research. He's not ours.","WHITE FLASH CUT TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. BODY FARM - NIGHT]","(Sign on the fence reads: \"University of Western Nevada \/ Anthropology Department \/ Private Property \/ KEEP OUT \/ All persons in violation will be prosecuted under section 4204-325.5470 of the Nevada State Penal Code.\")","(BRASS and CATHERINE walk toward the body. GRISSOM is already there with DAVID PHILLIPS.)","Brass: People donate their body to science end up submerged in a pond? Crammed in a car?","Catherine: Body Farm; creepy.","Grissom: A Body Farm is not creepy. It's a controlled study of situational decomposition. All in all, a very healthy place.","Catherine: Tell that to Slim hanging from the tree.","(CATHERINE looks over at the skeleton hanging from the tree not too far away from the one they were called in to examine.)","Brass: Whoever placed our victim here knew that the body farm existed. What they didn't know is each body is tracked by a bunch of scientists.","Catherine: Can't just slip a card into the deck.","(CATHERINE starts taking pictures.)","David Phillips: Well, he's not in rigor. TSD is under six hours. I'll move him as soon as you're finished.","Brass: Any I.D.?","David Phillips: None.","(DAVID stands and steps away from the body.)","Brass: Okay, I'm going to move him.","(BRASS rolls the body over so that he's facing upward. CATHERINE takes more pictures.","Brass: Gunshot wound to the chest.","(Camera close up of a beetle walking out of the dead body's shirt.)","Catherine: Well, look. One of your friends.","(GRISSOM leans in an grabs the beetle.)","Grissom: It's a carpet beetle. It shouldn't be here.","Catherine: Vic seem more like a hardwood floors kind of guy to you?","Grissom: Carpet beetles are the last to arrive at a corpse -- when it's almost a skeleton. I mean, this guy's still fresh.","(GRISSOM looks around and sees the skeleton hanging from the tree. Camera close up on the carpet beetles on the skeleton's skull.)","Grissom: David! Get this body out of here now! We got cross contamination!","HARD CUT TO BLACK. END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- HALLWAY]","(SARA and CATHERINE are walking from the hallway to the breakroom.)","Sara: Wow, you got to go to the body farm?","Catherine: Yeah.","Sara: I've always wanted to go there. What was it like?","Catherine: Quiet.","[INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM - CONTINUOUS]","Warrick: I hear Grissom goes there all the time. Like even on his nights off.","(WARRICK doesn't lift his head from the newspaper he's reading. NICK walks into camera view and heads for the refrigerator.)","Nick: Why does that not surprise me?","(He opens the refrigerator and sighs.)","Nick: Man, something stinks in here again.","(NICK grabs his paper package.)","Sara: What, bad milk? Cottage-cheese bad?","Nick: Worse. It's all over my sandwich. Smell that.","(He lifts his paper package and SARA reacts to the smell. She kneels and opens the refrigerator, glances in and notices the container on the top shelf.)","Sara: Yeah. He's got one of his experiments in there.","Nick: You're kidding me?","Catherine: Bugs or blood?","Sara: Not bugs.","Warrick: (still reading paper) Oh, that's so not cool. That's a community fridge.","Nick: Man, someone has got to talk to Grissom about this.","(GRISSOM walks in.)","Grissom: Talk to me about what?","Nick: You leaving your experiments in our refrigerator.","Grissom: Well, the lab fridge was full. I put in last night.","Nick: Well ...","Grissom: I'm going to test for horizontal motion on bloodstains. Vis-a-vis surface textures.","(NICK looks annoyed. CATHERINE takes a sip of her coffee and discretely tries to ignore the smell. GRISSOM is clueless as he takes out the container of blood from the fridge and opens it.)","Grissom: Hey, any of you guys got any linoleum at home?","(CATHERINE catches a whiff of the open container and this time, she discretely pinches her nose trying to avoid the smell. SARA is quiet.)","Nick: (sits down still annoyed at being ignored) That blood is rank, man.","Grissom: I know. That's why the Red Cross gives it to us 'cause it's past its expiration date.","(GRISSOM merrily closes the cap on the container, opens the fridge and puts it back on the top shelf. He shuts the door and stands up.)","Grissom: (to CATHERINE) Anything new on the body farm victim?","(CATHERINE takes another sip from her coffee mug.)","Catherine: I gave the prints to identification. They're running through the bases now.","Grissom: Okay.","(GRISSOM turns to leave the room. Someone's pager goes off. It's GRISSOM'S.)","Grissom: I'll be in autopsy. Let me know.","(GRISSOM leaves.)","Warrick: (doesn't look up from his paper) Way to go, Nick. You really told him.","Nick: I told him, he just ... doesn't hear it.","Warrick: (o.s.) Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]","(Top view close up of dead body from the Body Farm. ROBBINS has his finger in the bullet hole.)","Robbins: Well ... the entry wound tells me the body sustained a projectile.","Grissom: A bullet.","Robbins: Uh, but there's no bullet fragments in the tissue and no exit wound.","Grissom: So, how do you explain that?","Robbins: Bullet wounds usually leave bullet evidence.","(Flash to white. Quick CGI POV of hand holding gun and squeezing trigger. Sound of gun firing. Camera close up of hammer cocking back and extreme close up of hammer hitting the 38 SPL bullet. Quick FX to bullet firing through the barrel of the gun and penetrating through the skin with bits of flesh splattering out. Bullet continues its path through the body. Cut to inside view of the body where bits and pieces of bone and bullet break up inside the body where some pieces embed themselves to the nearest organ. Flash to white. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)","Robbins: There's no evidence of a bullet in this wound tract.","Grissom: So, let's excise it. Do a more localized search.","Robbins: That was my next suggestion.","Grissom: What's your best tool for excising the tissue of our Mr. Doe?","(CATHERINE walks in.)","Catherine: Oh, it's not a John Doe anymore. Database says that our victim is Mike Kimble age 38. He has a townhouse in Summerlin. Brass is going to meet us there along with the rest of the unit. My bet says that it's the primary crime scene.","Grissom: Good.","(GRISSOM takes off his glasses. CATHERINE turns to leave and stops as she notices that GRISSOM'S not moving from his spot next to the autopsy table.)","Catherine: Aren't you coming?","Grissom: We're excising a wound tract.","Catherine: Sounds fascinating.","Grissom: It is.","(ROBBINS turns on the hand saw. The blade whirs.)","(Off a camera close up of the hand saw, we hear a fire engine siren blaring.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. MIKE KIMBLE'S RESIDENCE -- NIGHT]","(Sirens blare. CATHERINE runs past firetruck #27 and finds WARRICK standing on the sidewalk with his CSI kit in his left hand staring at the house on fire in front of him.)","Catherine: Is that Mike Kimble's house?","Warrick: That's it.","(A large explosion emits from the second story window.)","Catherine: Seems like somebody beat us here.","Warrick: You think? Neighbor called it in. She smelled the smoke. Thought he was barbecuing in his living room.","Catherine: Where's his neighbor now?","Warrick: Over there talking to Brass.","[EXT. -- CONTINUOUS]","Female Neighbor: Um, no, I didn't hear any noise coming from Mike's place last night. But, um ... I was wearing my headphones, doing my workout.","Brass: Did Mr. Kimble have many visitors to his house?","Female Neighbor: Other than his clients, just, um ... just his fianc\u00e9e, Jane. Uh, but they usually stayed at her place.","Brass: Do you have the full name and address of the victim's fianc\u00e9e, Jane?","Female Neighbor: Yes, actually I do. It's in my kitchen. Uhm ... As soon as they let me back in I can get for you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT]","(ROBBINS pulls out something gooey from the body.)","Robbins: Something. A metal fragment. It's not like any bullet I've ever seen.","(Camera close up of the piece of metal ROBBINS holds.)","Robbins: Titanium ... maybe a pin.","Grissom: From the ribs?","Robbins: Oh, here's the manufacturer's number. I should've bought stock when I first started finding all these medical implants.","(GRISSOM doesn't say anything. He pulls out a maggot.)","Grissom: Bovine.","Robbins: Excuse me?","Grissom: Genus hypaderma. These are normally found in the intestinal tract of cows. These maggots aren't found in humans.","Robbins: Foreign tissue. Cow. Makes absolutely no sense.","Grissom: The body farm also studies animals, not just humans.","Robbins: This more of your cross contamination?","Grissom: Only one way to find out.","(GRISSOM smiles at the thought of yet another experiment.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. MIKE KIMBLE'S HOUSE - NIGHT]","(Firemen on a ladder and in the second floor of the burnt home. Water pours from the room onto the ground below.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MIKE KIMBLE'S HOUSE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(NICK walks through the hallway, his flashlight lighting his way. He turns the corner and sees WARRICK. He puts his CSI kit down.)","Warrick: What up, doc? Oh, there you are.","Nick: Sorry I'm late. D.A. Wanted an update on my robbery case.","Warrick: Oh, it's all good. I'm just starting my walk-through.","Nick: The desk is crispy.","Warrick: There's a burn pattern for you. Fire burns upward. This is moving downward.","Nick: Defies the laws of physics. Fire's drawn to fire. Well, you know what we gotta do.","Warrick: Check out the upstairs?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. -- UPSTAIRS - CONTINUOUS]","Nick: The guy who started the fire wanted to make sure the bedroom got it worse.","Warrick: How do you know it's a guy? Why are you jumping the gun?","Nick: Well, according to Sara, 94% of all arsonists are male.","Warrick: Yeah, that sounds like Sara.","Nick: The fire burned longest here.","Warrick: It's the point of origin.","Nick: Yeah, right here.","(WARRICK leans in and sniffs.)","Warrick: I don't smell any accelerant.","Nick: Could have burned off. Fabric would have fueled it.","Warrick: I don't know. It doesn't make any sense. A fire burning downward?","(Flash to white. CGI POV of fire burning near vent. Camera moves toward the vent and through the vent. Camera cut to inside the vent where the fire quickly moves up the vent and to the second floor where it starts up again by burning the desk. Flash to white. More fire flames getting larger and larger.)","Nick: (V.O.) Yeah, unless it was chasing after an accelerant.","Warrick: (V.O.) Furniture polish.","(Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume on NICK.)","Nick: Warrick ... is that blood?","(NICK casts the light of his flashlight at WARRICK'S feet. WARRICK looks down, steps off of the carpet and lifts it up to reveal a large blood stain.)","Warrick: Oh, man. Something bad happened here.","Nick: This fire is just a cover up.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT.\/INT. JANE BRADLEY'S RESIDENCE - NIGHT]","(CATHERINE and BRASS ring the doorbell. JODY BRADLEY opens the door. She's on the phone.)","Jody (giggling): (to phone) Are you serious? Hold on a second. (to BRASS) Hi.","Brass: I'm Detective Jim Brass. Is Jane Bradley in?","Jody Bradley: She's in the kitchen. (to the phone) Really? No way.","(She holds the door open. CATHERINE and BRASS enter the house.)","SHORT TIME CUT TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. JANE BRADLEY'S RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - NIGHT]","(Camera close up on several pictures of MIKE KIMBLE with the BRADLEY family.)","Jane Bradley: (o.s.) This can't be happening. Mike is dead? I don't know how I'm going to tell my kids. They love Mike.","Catherine: You and Mike were engaged?","Jane Bradley: The wedding was supposed to be in a week at the Tangiers.","(JAKE BRADLEY enters the kitchen. He has earphones on and walks straight for the refrigerator. He opens the door.)","Jane Bradley: No sweets after ten. What's the rule?","Jake Bradley: Oh, come on, mom, I'm starving.","(JANE BRADLEY takes the sweets out of her son's hand and replaces it with an apple.)","Jane Bradley: Have an apple.","(He groans and walks out of the kitchen.)","Jane Bradley: He's growing like a weed.","Brass: What was your fianc\u00e9's business?","Jane Bradley: He was a photographer. He did weddings, events. We argued over who'd do our wedding because he didn't trust anyone else's work.","(In the background a door opens and closes. RUSS BRADLEY enters.)","Russ Bradley: Hi.","Jane Bradley: How many times have I said you have to knock? You can't just barge in this house.","Russ Bradley: Maybe as many times as I've asked you to have the kids ready and out front on my nights?","Brass: You must be the ex-husband.","Russ Bradley: What's going on? Are the kids all right? Is Jake in some kind of trouble?","Jane Bradley: No.","Brass: Mike Kimble was killed tonight.","Russ Bradley: Are you serious?","Catherine: Would you mind showing us your hands?","Russ Bradley: My hands? Why?","Catherine: To see if there's any gun powder or evidence of a burn on them.","Russ Bradley: Sure. (holds out his hands for CATHERINE) Look, uh, I don't want to be rude, but ... I stop paying alimony the day Mike and Jane get married. I mean, I'm the last person who would have killed him.","Brass: If we wanted to get in touch with you, how would we reach you?","Russ Bradley: You can reach me at any of my four grocery stores. Any time.","(RUSS BRADLEY pulls out a business card from his wallet and gives it to BRASS.)","Brass: We'll be in touch.","Russ Bradley: I'm going to get the kids, if that's all right.","Jane Bradley: They're in the den.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MIKE KIMBALL'S HOUSE - NIGHT]","(Water drips from the ceiling. NICK is crouched low with a machine in his hands. The machine beeps steadily. GRISSOM enters the room from the hallway just as the machine starts to beep rapidly.)","Grissom: Accelerant.","(NICK looks up.)","Nick: Hey. Yeah, Warrick said the fire was orange so low-temperature fuel. Something accessible ... gasoline, kerosene ... I thought you were at the post.","Grissom: I was.","Nick: So, anyway, this is where the fire started. Victim's bedroom.","(GRISSOM starts looking around. NICK stands and starts looking around as well. GRISSOM moves off into another room. NICK glances at a burnt photograph in a frame.)","(GRISSOM finds a room that was not burned by the fire. He examines the items that wasn't burned. NICK catches up with GRISSOM and follows.)","(GRISSOM pans the room with photographer equipment in it. Something catches his eye. A photograph in a frame of MIKE KIMBLE and the BRADLEYS holding a sign: \"Mike: Welcome to the Family\". The same sign in propped up on the file behind the picture frame.)","(GRISSOM moves in for a closer examination of the picture. He frowns. NICK enters the room.)","Nick: Grissom ... Gris ...","Grissom: Sometimes, it's about where the fire isn't.","(GRISSOM removes the photo out of its frame. Behind the photo is a picture of JODY BRADLEY. Two photographs of her in suggestive poses, and a third with her naked back to the camera and looking over her shoulder. GRISSOM holds the photo comparatively to the family photograph where we can see that it's definitely JODY BRADLEY, the daughter, and not JANE BRADLEY, the fianc\u00e9e.)","(Both GRISSOM and NICK are grim at the find and its implications.)","Nick: (quietly) Sometimes, I hate this job.","CUT TO BLACK.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY OUTSIDE BRASS' OFFICE]","(JODY BRADLEY is sitting on the waiting bench outside the interrogation room, her knees hugged close to her chest. An officer stands nearby. JANE BRADLEY watches her through the glass wall from inside the interrogation room.)","CAMERA PANS TO:","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE - CONTINUOUS]","Catherine: (o.s.) We have evidence that Mike may have had an inappropriate relationship with your daughter.","Jane Bradley: What kind of evidence?","(JANE BRADLEY turns around and walks back to face BRASS and CATHERINE.)","Brass: (o.s.) Photographic and definitive.","Jane Bradley: That the man I was going to marry somehow sexually ... no, I don't believe that.","Catherine: Things like this happen sometimes right under our noses. We're going to have to talk with your daughter.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM]","Catherine: Jody, we found pictures in Mike's house of you posing.","Jane Bradley: Tell her Mike would never do anything to hurt you.","Catherine: In some of the pictures ...","Jane Bradley: (interrupting) He truly was like a father to both kids.","Jody Bradley: (to her mom) I wish you would just listen once.","Catherine: In some of the pictures you're wearing a bathing suit. Do you remember Mike taking them?","(JODY BRADLEY looks at CATHERINE.)","(Quick flashback of camera flashes of JODY wearing a shirt and turning around; JODY taking the shirt off her shoulders; and three camera flashes of JODY close up. Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","(JODY BRADLEY shakes her head, no.)","Catherine: Jody ... anything that he did to you was not your fault. You can tell me if Mike took those pictures.","Jane Bradley: Jody? Honey?","Jody Bradley: I loved Mike and he loved me.","(CATHERINE leaves the room. BRASS is waiting just outside where he was watching through the glass. CATHERINE closes the door.)","Catherine: The daughter clammed up. Seems to be in the protect-the-abuser trap. I'm going to take her over to the hospital for a SART exam.","Brass: What are the chances mom knew what her boyfriend was up to?","Catherine: I've seen it happen. As a mother, I hope not.","Brass: Yeah, right. I'm going to look into it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - AUDIO\/VISUAL LAB]","(Camera close up of the computer screen with the JODY BRADLEY photo. WARRICK is working on it. NICK enters the room carrying a bagged camera.)","Nick: Well, our photo guys tell me those pictures were taken with Mike Kimble's type of camera.","(NICK puts the bagged camera down on the table.)","Warrick: Yeah?","Nick: Yeah. What are you doing here?","Warrick: A thousand points of light and I only need one to clear up this picture. The blur equals the length of the light.","(NICK moves closer to the screen to get a better look.)","(The computer screen shows the numbers for \"CALCULATING REFRACTION - POINTS\" change rapidly ... )","(Close up of a fuzzy JODY BRADLEY with the following on screen:","[LUMENS\/BLUR RATIO: 20.5558%","REDUCING BLUR ] )","(which changes to ... )","[LUMENS\/BLUR RATIO: 34.783%","REDUCING BLUR ]","(Extreme close up of an unfocused JODY BRADLEY being focused.)","Warrick: If I can compress this light back into a point then the rest of the picture gets clear. That's how they got Hinkley's image when he was shooting the prez.","Nick: What is that? There at the bottom right corner? Is that a finger?","Warrick: Yeah, I think so.","Nick: Well, that's unusual, isn't it? A professional photographer gets a finger in the shot?","Warrick: Maybe his good hand was otherwise engaged. I'm going to work on that for a while and see if I can get some ridge detail. Maybe even a fat print.","Nick: I'll ... I'll see you later.","(NICK leaves the room.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB]","(Camera focused on a chunk of raw meat covered with flies under a net. GRISSOM is peering at the experiment though a magnifying glass. SARA walks in.)","Sara: So, this is your experiment, huh? So, because you found beef in the wound tracts of the victim, you think the meat might be from one of the body farm cows?","Grissom: Did the fly find the beef in the wound and lay its eggs or did it bring the beef with him?","Sara: I did an experiment similar to this in San Francisco except the cross-contamination was blood. Wasn't a murder case, but it was instructional.","(GRISSOM straightens and puts the magnifying glass down.)","Grissom: None of these beef particles are as big as the tissue found in Mike Kimble's wound tract. And I found out the ex-husband is the proud owner of a registered handgun.","Sara: Hmm, what does that mean?","Grissom: It means I need to see that gun.","(GRISSOM heads toward the door to leave. SARA stops him.)","Sara: Uh, Grissom ... aren't you going to tell me anything?","Grissom: About?","Sara: The case, the meat, what you found ...?","Grissom: I'm working it.","Sara: I thought I was working it with you.","Grissom: Yes. You're right, you are. So, take some photos of the experiment for the D.A. And then ... uh ... get rid of that stuff.","(GRISSOM turns to leave. SARA stops him again.)","Sara: That meat... the raw meat... me?","Grissom: Yeah.","Sara: How many meals have we shared together?","Grissom: I don't know.","Sara: Take a guess -- over a year working together.","Grissom: Thirty.","Sara: I'm a vegetarian. Everyone here knows I'm a vegetarian. I haven't eaten meat since we stayed up that night with that dead pig. It pains me to see ground beef; forget about cleaning it up.","Grissom: Okay. Have Nick do it.","(GRISSOM leaves. SARA seems ... extremely disappointed with the exchange.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]","Russ Bradley: You're telling me this b*st*rd took pictures of my daughter?","Brass: Yes, we found them at his house.","Russ Bradley: I never liked the way he looked at Jody. I've never liked it.","Brass: How did he look at her?","Russ Bradley: Touchy-feely.","(Quick flashback to MIKE KIMBLE standing with JODY BRADLEY, his hand caressing her cheek. Flash to white. RUSS BRADLEY noticing the caress. End of flashback.)","Russ Bradley: It wasn't normal. I told Jane when she started seeing him he's not a good guy. He's not good for our family. But you can't control who your ex-wife dates.","(GRISSOM turns the corner and approaches the men at the counter.)","Brass: Russ Bradley, Gil Grissom, CSI lab.","Grissom: Thanks for coming in. (They shake hands.) Is this your gun?","Russ Bradley: Yes.","Grissom: May I take a look at it?","Russ Bradley: Please.","(GRISSOM puts on his glasses and picks up the gun to examine it.)","Grissom: It's been cleaned.","Russ Bradley: Of course. You never, never store a dirty firearm.","Grissom: May I ask what kind of ammunition you use?","Russ Bradley: A .38 special. It takes .38s.","(GRISSOM exchanges a look with BRASS.)","Russ Bradley: (amends) Whatever's on sale.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB]","(SARA'S writing something and doesn't stop when WARRICK walks in.)","Warrick: There you are. I got something for you from trace.","(SARA doesn't look up from what she's doing. Neither does she respond.)","Warrick: Sara?","Sara: Almost finished.","(WARRICK starts to get curious at what SARA'S doing and turns his head to look at what she's writing. SARA notices and quickly stops writing. WARRICK looks up at SARA.)","Warrick: They isolated the accelerant used in the fire. It's alcohol based.","Sara: Acetone, methyl methacrylate? Nail polish remover.","Warrick: Guess that's the six percent no one talks about. Female fire starters.","(WARRICK leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOSPITAL - EXAMINATION ROOM]","(The doctor is starting her exam on JODY BRADLEY. CATHERINE stands nearby.)","Doctor: What's this... a burn?","Jody Bradley: Yeah.","Doctor: How'd that happen?","Jody Bradley: On a curling iron.","(Quick flashback to JODY BRADLEY standing in front of a mirror using a curling iron on her hair. Cut to her accidentally burning herself with the iron. Flash to white. Resume on JODY BRADLEY.)","(Camera cut to CATHERINE.)","(Quick Scenario POV of liquid being poured over a bed. JODY BRADLEY holding what looks like a nail polish remover bottle. Cut to JODY BRADLEY with a lighter. Flash to white. End of scenario POV. Resume on JODY BRADLEY.)","Doctor: I'll give you a prescription for antibiotics. Let's do the last portion of your exam now, okay?","Doctor (cont.): (to CATHERINE) Excuse me.","(The DOCTOR closes the curtain. CATHERINE takes a few steps to the right so that she can see JODY BRADLEY'S face. Through the curtain, we see them preparing for the pelvic examination.)","Doctor: Okay, lay back. Scoot back a little more. Just a little more. Very good. Take a deep breath. This won't hurt at all.","(Camera holds on JODY BRADLEY.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE]","(Camera close up of the bullet casing. GRISSOM separates the casing and puts it down. He reaches for his drink. He takes a sip and makes a face. It tastes funny. He puts his glass down and looks back at the bullet he's holding. He glances down at his glass and notices the ice. He makes a connection.)","Grissom: It's melting.","(Flash to white.)","(Quick CGI POV of hand holding gun and squeezing trigger. Sound of gun firing. Camera close up of hammer cocking back and extreme close up of hammer hitting the 38 SPL bullet. Quick FX to bullet firing through the barrel of the gun and penetrating through the skin with bits of flesh splattering out. Bullet continues its path through the body. Cut to inside view of the body where bits and pieces of bone, bullet and ice break up inside the body where some pieces embed themselves to the nearest organ and melt. Flash to white.","(End of CGI POV. Resume to present. Camera on GRISSOM.)","(GRISSOM continues to stare at the ice swirling around in his glass. He's putting it all together and comes up with something highly improbable, but not impossible. GRISSOM looks at the bullet. Camera refocuses on the bullet.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM]","(Close up of ground beef wrapped in white butchers' paper.)","(Cut to GRISSOM unrolling the ground beef.)","(Cut to piece of beef being cut and forced into a mold. GRISSOM is making molds of bullets using ground beef. He's doing this in the break room.)","(He opens the refrigerator door intending to put the experiment in there. CATHERINE walks in.)","Catherine: Sara's not going to be too happy with that experiment in the fridge.","Grissom: I'm putting it in the freezer.","(CATHERINE grimaces as GRISSOM doesn't catch the hint. She sighs.)","Catherine: The doctor finished the exam on Jody Bradley. Physical findings: Scarring, chronic sexual abuse.","(GRISSOM Sighs.)","Grissom: Well, have Brass get a warrant for the mother's house. Check the evidence we recovered from the dead boyfriend's house. They stayed in both places.","Catherine: Listen, there's a good chance the daughter's our arsonist. She had second-degree burns on her wrist.","Grissom: One thing at a time.","Catherine: Right. You coming with?","Grissom: I can't. Take Nick.","Catherine: Right. Experiment.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. JANE BRADLEY'S HOUSE -- NIGHT]","(Camera close up of JANE BRADLEY holding a Bench Warrant. NICK and CATHERINE enter her home. She watches as they walk by her. She doesn't say anything.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Using an ALS, CATHERINE looks for body fluids in JODY BRADLEY'S bedroom, specifically on the bed as she moves the bed covers away from the sheets. She checks under the pillows.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(NICK is in the utility room going through the laundry in the laundry baskets by the washing machine. He, too, is looking for body fluids with an ALS.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(CATHERINE in JODY BRADLEY'S closet, going through the clothes on the hangers ... still looking for body fluids.)","CUT TO","(NICK walking into the bathroom. He scans the counter top and puts his CSI kit on the counter. NICK opens the laundry basket intending to go through the laundry. On the top of the laundry basket, he immediately sees something on JODY'S nightgown.)","(CATHERINE walks in.)","Catherine: That's the girl's nightgown.","(CATHERINE sighs.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. JANE BRADLEY'S HOUSE - DOWNSTAIRS]","(CATHERINE and NICK are on their way out. NICK is on the phone. CATHERINE opens the door and NICK walks outside.)","Nick: (on phone) We've got some samples coming in. They're priority one.","Jane Bradley: What is that ... what did you find?","Catherine: Child Services will be remanding Jody to a foster home.","Jane Bradley: Was my fianc\u00e9 involved in any way?","(BRASS appears in the doorway.)","Brass: He's not your fianc\u00e9. Not anymore, anyway.","Catherine: Jim?","Brass: I just got back from the events office at the Tangiers where you and Mike were supposed to be married. You canceled your wedding five days ago. I even have your credit card receipt for the ten percent cancellation charge. You didn't like the way he looked at your daughter any more than your ex did.","Jane Bradley: No. I just got cold feet.","Catherine: Convenient timing.","Jane Bradley: Look, when Russ and I got married 20 years ago you couldn't find two happier people and now we can barely stand to be civil. I didn't want to make another mistake.","Catherine: It wasn't that you 'sensed' what was going on?","Jane Bradley: Mike would not do what he's being accused of. Believe me.","Catherine: I'll believe the DNA.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- LAB]","Greg: Kind of feels like blackjack, you know? You guys all fanned around the table, holding your breath waiting to see which card I'll reveal next.","Warrick: Greg, this is an abuse case involving a minor.","Greg: Right. Sorry. So, I have DNA samples from every male that lives with Jody Bradley full-time or weekends. First, I have Mike Kimble, the fianc\u00e9. Dead fianc\u00e9.","(He holds up the results for everyone to read.)","Brass: \"Match not found.\" You got to be kidding me.","Greg: Sorry, Captain.","Brass: The guy has naked pictures of her in his townhouse. The mother called off their wedding.","Greg: DNA takes a pair.","Catherine: So, whose is it, the father?","(Again, GREG holds up the results.)","Grissom: \"Match not found.\"","Greg: Third and last.","(He holds up the test results. NICK sighs and grabs the sheet.)","Nick: Give me that.","(He glances down at the sheet. So do BRASS and GRISSOM.)","Nick: How'd we miss that?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM]","Jake Bradley: No. No, I never did anything like that to my sister, no.","(JANE and RUSS BRADLEY watch.)","Brass: How do you explain your semen on her nightgown?","Jake Bradley: I can't ... I can't.","Brass: The county automatically provides your son with an advocate. We can't proceed until he arrives.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - AUDIO\/VISUAL LAB]","(WARRICK continues working on isolating the thumbprint on the photo. GRISSOM walks in.)","Grissom: You getting anywhere with the print?","Warrick: I'm still trying to enhance it. It's kind of frustrating, that, uh this picture puts us at the very moment of the crime but we can't see what she's seeing.","Grissom: They say the eyes are the window to the soul.","Warrick: Yeah, my grandma used to say that all the time.","Grissom: In a way, it's true. The aqueous fluid and the vitreous in the human eye allows for an image to be reflected in it.","Warrick: Well, maybe ... if I enhanced the reflection in her eye with the right combination of algorithms ...","Grissom: I think my popsicles are ready.","(GRISSOM leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM]","Brass: Jake, did you take pictures of your sister and plant them in Mike Kimble's house?","Jake Bradley: No.","Brass: You do have keys to his house, though. Right? I mean, your mother told us that both you kids do.","Jake Bradley: Yes, but I didn't plant anything.","Child Advocate: He didn't take the pictures. He didn't plant them. He has no idea how his DNA got in his sister's nightgown.","Brass: Well, maybe a little hobbit put it there.","(JAKE BRADLEY stares back at BRASS ... scared.)","Child Advocate: That's it, we're done.","Nick: All right, hold on. You mind if I talk to Jake alone?","Child Advocate: To what end?","Nick: I have a hunch.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- BENCH JUST OUTSIDE INTERROGATION ROOM]","Nick: Everyone does it, Jake. You just ... feel like you're the only one. Then when you don't do it, it happens in your sleep anyway, right? Yeah. And then you go to take a leak, dust off the equipment and just grab the first thing that's handy, huh?","Jake Bradley: (embarrassed) It was just... on the hamper.","Nick: Your sister's nightgown?","(They both laugh softly.)","Jake Bradley: The next thing I know, I'm getting, like ... questioned by the police and my parents are looking at me like I'm some sort of ... pervert.","Nick: Yeah, that's rough. Rough. Well, listen, in the future, dude ... even if the situation's embarrassing, the truth's probably the best policy there.","Jake Bradley: Yeah.","Nick: Hey, listen, you ever notice your mom's boyfriend acting weird around your sister? Like a little, uh ... too friendly, too forward?","Jake Bradley: (thinks about it) Mmm, no. No, I mean, my sister is the one that's kind of weird.","Nick: Really?","Jake Bradley: Yeah.","Nick: How?","Jake Bradley: She's just always just, you know, \"Mike's coming over. I can't wait till Mike gets here.\"","Nick: Mm. Mm-hmm. You like the guy?","Jake Bradley: When, uh, my parents were getting divorced my mom, she cried, like, every day and, uh, Mike showed up and she stopped crying so ... yeah. I guess.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB]","(GRISSOM puts the frozen meat cap in the bullet casing. ROBBINS enters the room and leans in close to see what GRISSOM'S doing.)","Grissom: What are you doing here? Isn't this your day off?","Robbins: On the day you plan to expend a meat bullet? Ahh ... a frozen meat bullet?","Grissom: Yeah, I had to freeze it with a touch of liquid nitrogen.","Robbins: Well, I'm ready to watch history.","(GRISSOM loads the frozen meat bullet into the hand gun. They both put on their ear gear and GRISSOM fires the gun. ROBBINS steps up to examine the results.)","Robbins: Bullet-like entry wound.","(Flash to white. Same Quick CGI POV of hand holding gun and squeezing trigger. Sound of gun firing. Camera close up of hammer cocking back and extreme close up of hammer hitting the 38 SPL bullet. Quick FX to bullet firing through the barrel of the gun and penetrating through the skin with bits of flesh splattering out. Bullet continues its path through the body. Cut to inside view of the body where bits and pieces of bone, bullet and meat break up inside the body where pieces themselves to the nearest organ. Flash to white. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)","Robbins: (V.O.) The meat disintegrates. Lost in the soft tissue. Hmm.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM]","Brass: You're quite a marksman, Russ ... and inventive. You managed to build a bullet made of meat.","Grissom: The meat from the projectile was visually indistinguishable from the victim's stomach tissue. We know that your gun was clean but it turns out that your re-loader wasn't.","Brass: Yeah. We got this from your garage on a warrant. We figured a gun enthusiast like yourself would have one of these. Packs gunpowder into used shell casings. Cheaper than buying new rounds, right?","Grissom: The material that was on your re-loader is consistent with the material we found in the victim's wound tract. Ground beef.","Russ Bradley: A father knows. I mean, he was giving her gifts, you know, cameras.","(Quick Flashback to MIKE KIMBLE putting the camera around JODY BRADLEY'S neck. Flash to white. JODY BRADLEY jumping up and down in delight. Flash to white. MIKE and JODY standing close to each other while MIKE shows the camera to JODY. Flash to white. End of Flashback.)","Grissom: He gave her a camera?","Russ Bradley: And the wedding was, like, a week off and he was going to be living under the same roof as my children full-time. When I went over there you know, I was just going to set him straight, right? You know what he says?","(Flashback.)","Mike Kimble: Now, I can't help it if she likes me. I guess it's like mother, like daughter.","Russ Bradley: You touch my little girl and I will kill you.","Mike Kimble: Too late.","(RUSS BRADLEY fires gun. End of Flashback.)","Russ Bradley: That's when I lost it.","Brass: Then you dumped him at the body farm. Your grocery chain makes regular meat deliveries there for experimental purposes. Then what? You arsoned his place to cover up the murder?","(Flashback to RUSS BRADLEY at MIKE KIMBLE'S house dousing the bed with nail polish remover. Flash to white. Close up of nail polish remover pouring on floor. Flash to white. End of flashback.)","Brass: (V.O.) Grabbed the nail polish remover from the bedside table poured it all over the place?","Russ Bradley: I'll tell you the truth. I ... I feel relieved. I'd like to make a formal confession.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]","Grissom: He can confess to the homicide but we're still examining evidence on the arson.","Brass: The guy wants to take the heat for his daughter on the arson well, where's the harm in that?","Grissom: The harm would be to the justice system unless I misunderstand our place in it.","Brass: Don't you think that little girl's been through enough?","Grissom: What I think and what the evidence proves are possibly two different things.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE]","(CLOSE UP OF \"Las Vegas Police Department - Request for Leave of Absence\" Form for Sara Sidle. GRISSOM is holding the form.)","(SARA enters GRISSOM'S office.)","Grissom: What is this?","Sara: It's, uh, just what it says: It's a request for a leave of absence -- six months ... year, maybe.","Grissom: Why?","Sara: I was thinking of checking out the federal government system - FBI ...","(GRISSOM snorts.)","Grissom: We have the best lab in the country.","Sara: I need a different work environment.","Grissom: What does that mean?","Sara: One with, um, communication ... respect.","Grissom: Everybody here respects you.","Sara: You don't.","Grissom: Is this about that hamburger thing?","Sara: No, Grissom ... this is not about that \"Hamburger\" thing. I-I-I don't believe you. How can you reduce everything that I've said to some kind of single quirk? Do you think the problem here is just about me?","(GRISSOM seems surprised.)","Sara: If you don't sign my leave, I'm going to have to quit.","(SARA turns to leave. GRISSOM stops her.)","Grissom: Hey, Sara?","(She turns around.)","Grissom: The Lab needs you here.","Sara: Great.","(SARA walks out. Camera holds on GRISSOM.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB]","(GRISSOM enters the room. CATHERINE is holding a fake hand. She's preparing to conduct a test.)","Grissom: Did you hear the dad copped a plea on the murder and the D.A. expedited it?","Catherine: Voluntary man, first offense. Out on bail. Free in four. No jury was going to convict a father for killing his daughter's abuser. What do you have?","Grissom: Accelerant. Identical to the type found at the arson. Police got it out of Jody's gym locker.","(CATHERINE holds the hot curling iron to the wrist of the fake hand. She puts the curling iron down and compares the burn with a photograph of JODY BRADLEY'S burnt wrist.)","Catherine: Looks as if Jody was probably telling the truth. She did burn herself on a curling iron.","Grissom: So who started the fire?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - AUDIO\/VISUAL LAB]","(WARRICK continues working on the photograph. Instead of the thumbprint, he's concentrating on the eye. NICK enters the room.)","Nick: Hey.","Warrick: Hey.","Nick: You get anywhere with those fingerprints?","Warrick: Back burner. I've been working on this reflection in her eye. You see what I'm seeing?","Nick: No.","Warrick: Come on, man. I've been working on this enhancement all night. Look closer.","Nick: What is it? A clock, a mirror? It's got a latch, a lock. A porthole? ... It's a porthole?","Warrick: Yeah. These pictures were taken on a boat.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]","Warrick: Miss Bradley.","Jane Bradley: Yes.","Warrick: Warrick Brown. Your fianc\u00e9, Mike, did he own a boat?","Jane Bradley: A boat? No.","Warrick: No? Did he borrow one or rent one?","Jane Bradley: He wanted to borrow my ex-husband's boat but he was too proud to ask.","Warrick: Your ex-husband owned a boat?","Jane Bradley: He bought one after our divorce. I've never been on it.","Warrick: (grimly) Okay. Thank you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. RUSS BRADLEY'S BOAT -- NIGHT]","(WARRICK peers into the cabin. He's holding his flashlight and carrying his CSI kit. He puts the kit down and descends into the cabin without it.)","(He looks around. He sees the porthole. He snaps a couple of pictures of it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM]","(CATHERINE is carrying two glasses of refreshment. She puts it down on the table.)","Catherine: Jody? We know that Mike gave you his camera. We suspect that your father used it to take pictures of you on his boat.","(JODY looks at CATHERINE. She looks away.)","Catherine: We believe that he then placed the camera back at Mike's to implicate him along with the pictures.","Jody Bradley: He said I was like my mom when she was young and they were happy. He said having me was like having his family back.","(CATHERINE closes her eyes for a moment.)","Catherine: Did you ever tell your mom?","Jody Bradley: I tried.","<FLASHBACK>","Jody Bradley: I don't want to go to dad's.","Jane Bradley: You know what the judge said: Two weeks with dad, two with me.","<\/FLASHBACK>","Catherine: Jody, we have strong forensic evidence against your father. But cases like this are very difficult to prove. A victim testifying makes all the difference.","Jody Bradley: He told me if I ever talked, he'd kill me.","Catherine: Jody, if you don't talk ...","Jody Bradley: I told Mike and he was going to fix things.","(Quick Flashback to MIKE KIMBLE comforting an upset JODY BRADLEY. Cut to the exchange being witnessed by RUSS BRADLEY. Flash to white.)","Jody Bradley: And my dad killed him ... okay?","(JODY BRADLEY looks away. CATHERINE closes her eyes.)","(The door opens and WARRICK enters the room. He's carrying a large paper package. CATHERINE stands and meets him at the door.)","Warrick: Catherine.","Catherine: What is this?","(WARRICK opens the package. CATHERINE looks inside.)","Warrick: Found it on the boat. DNA just ran it. She's under 14, right?","Catherine: Yeah, 12.","(WARRICK looks at CATHERINE. The gravity of the crime hitting them hard. WARRICK closes the package, nods his head, and exits the room.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM]","Brad Gottleib(lawyer): He didn't take pictures of his daughter. He never touched her. He's a loving, devoted father who works hard at his chain of grocery stores to keep her in good schools.","Grissom: Except when she's on his boat, right?","(GRISSOM is holding a file folder close to his chest. He pulls out a photograph from the folder and puts it on the table. It's a piece of plaid cloth with a large, white stain on it.)","Grissom: This is your sleeping bag we took off your boat. Our lab turned it inside-out. The discoloration you see is a mixture of vaginal and seminal fluid ... your daughter's and yours.","Russ Bradley: Okay.","Brad Gottleib: Don't say a word, Russ.","Brass: He doesn't have to. The sleeping bag's talking loud and clear.","Russ Bradley: Brad, make me a deal.","Brad Gottleib: I can't.","Russ Bradley: What do you mean you can't? You got me four years for murder.","Brad Gottleib: I can't.","Russ Bradley: (insisting) You can get me something.","Grissom: (interrupting) No, he can't. In the State of Nevada, we're all bound by a legal statute. The sexual assault of a minor age 14 and under is a mandatory life sentence with no possibility for parole.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Through the glass, we see RUSS BRADLEY in handcuffs and being taken away by an officer.)","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]","(CATHERINE walks down the hallway. JANE BRADLEY and JODY BRADLEY are walking toward her on their way out.)","Catherine: Excuse me. Could I talk to you for a moment?","Jane Bradley: Why don't you wait over there, sweetie.","Jody Bradley: Okay.","(JODY BRADLEY leaves CATHERINE and JANE BRADLEY alone.)","Catherine: I owe you an apology. I have an eight-year-old daughter.","Jane Bradley: It's okay. You were looking out for mine.","(JANE BRADLEY leaves. CATHERINE turns around to watch mother and daughter, hand-in-hand, walk out of the hallway.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. GRISSOM'S RESIDENCE - NIGHT]","Grissom: (o.s.) Tough case, huh?","(CATHERINE pours herself a drink and sighs.)","Catherine: Just give me a straight-ahead murder any day.","Grissom: Well, you wouldn't be human if it didn't affect you.","(GRISSOM is busy cutting something on a small cutting board.)","Catherine: I heard about you and ... uh ... Sara.","Grissom: (brushes it off) Sara, you know, she gets very emotional ...","(CATHERINE shakes her head.)","Catherine: Are you in denial? No, that's ... no, no ... way too analytical. Wow, you got burned bad, huh? Welcome to the club. I got third-degree burns from my marriage. Happens to everybody. Everybody just moves on.","Grissom: Good. Let's move on.","(CATHERINE'S not one to be put off. She tries again.)","Catherine: But you have to deal with it. You have to deal with it first. You got to deal with it before it goes away. You are the supervisor. You have responsibilities, and people are making a family around you whether you like it not, whether you give them permission or not. We don't have to go to the Grand Tetons together, just ... every now and then you got to lift your head up out of that microscope.","(GRISSOM nods thoughtfully at CATHERINE.)","Grissom: Yeah.","(CATHERINE watches GRISSOM as he absently wipes his hands clean on the blue dish rag. She smiles and seems satisfied that he's finally getting it. She moves to the living room where she takes a sip of her drink and looks out of the window. Her back is turned to him ... allowing him some privacy.)","(GRISSOM glances over at CATHERINE. CATHERINE looks back at GRISSOM and smiles.)","(GRISSOM puts the dish rag down and reaches for his little black address book. He sighs. He leafs through it and picks up the phone when he finds the number he's looking for.)","(CATHERINE looks out of the window, her back to GRISSOM.)","(GRISSOM dials the phone.)","Grissom: (awkwardly on phone) Yeah, hi. I-I-I'd like to get some flowers for a girl. No, no. Not flowers. A plant. A living plant. She likes vegetation.","(CATHERINE sits down on the sofa. She smiles and takes a sip from her glass.)","Grissom: Yeah, that'd be fine. To a Sara Sidle. Deliver it at the CSI division, Las Vegas Police Department the one out on North Trop Boulevard. Yeah, you can bill me at the same place. Gil Grissom. (pause) The sentiment? Oh-oh, on the card. Yeah. Um, uh ... have it say ... have it say, uh ... \"From Grissom.\"","(He nods his head, satisfied.)","Grissom: (on phone) Thank you."],"Show Title":"CSI Crime Scene Investigation","Episode Number":"02x15","Episode Title":"Burden of Proof","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x17.json","Recap":["Grissom, Sara and Nick investigate the death of four Buddhist monks who were shot to death in their monastery near Vegas. Catherine re-opens the murder of an old friend, when the man that was convicted for the murder claims he is innocent on his deathbed. During the case she finds out some disturbing facts about how her old mentor handled the case."],"Transcript":["[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[EXT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE (STOCK) - NIGHT]","Cue Sound: MONKS CHANTING","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - MAIN PRAYER HALL -- NIGHT]","(Camera pans the room to show a group of Buddhist Monks praying and chanting. Their eyes are closed. The camera slowly moves toward the monk in the middle facing the large golden Buddha statute.)","(He raises his head and opens his eyes.)","(Someone raises a rifle and cocks the trigger. He fires.)","(Blood spatters onto the lit candle in front of him. The monk falls backward to the floor, blood seeping from the bullet hole in the middle of his forehead.)","FLASH TO WHITE:","[EXT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE (STOCK) - NIGHT]","CUE: THREE MORE GUNSHOTS IN SUCCESSION","SHORT TIME CUT TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - FRONT WALK -- NIGHT]","(GRISSOM and SARA walk toward the front of the temple. NICK is walking down the temple stairs to meet them.)","Grissom: \"Wherever you live is your temple, if you treat it like one.\"","Sara: State your source.","Grissom: Buddha.","(They meet up with NICK.)","Nick: Paramedics just pronounced. Four dead, no witnesses. Coroner's on his way. Guy in the robe flagged down an officer.","Grissom: \"Guy in the robe\" is a monk, Nick.","Nick: Yeah? Well ...","(NICK glances back at the lone monk dressed in orange robes standing on the stairs in front of the temple. He turns back to GRISSOM and SARA.)","Nick: He's a quiet monk. Non-native, from Thailand.","(They head for the temple.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - MAIN PRAYER HALL -- CONTINUOUS]","(GRISSOM and SARA push the curtain aside and they all view the crime scene.)","Sara: Rug's low pile, smooth. I'll try to dust-lift.","Grissom: (nods slightly) Okay. Let's hug the walls.","(SARA nods.)","(They enter the room )","(Grissom shines his flashlight on the monks and sighs.)","Grissom: Gunshot to the head. Times four.","Sara: Gold statues ... money trees ... that's a lot of loot to leave behind.","Grissom: This wasn't a robbery. This was a hit.","(They continue to survey the room. NICK leans down and examines the bodies. GRISSOM finds a symbol scratched into the wall.)","Grissom: Five years ago, West Vegas ... German tourist took a wrong turn, ended up dead. This \"placa\" was sprayed across the windshield of their rental car. It's the Snakebacks.","Sara: Gangbangers? At a Buddhist Temple?","Nick: Stippling around entry.","(GRISSOM and SARA turn around to look at NICK.)","Nick: Close range. Looks like they were shot one at a time. How do you get one vic -- let alone four-- to sit still while you put a bullet between their eyes?","Grissom: They were praying.","Nick: Yeah, for mercy.","Grissom: For whoever was shooting them.","HARD CUT TO: END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE -- NIGHT]","(GRISSOM examines the garden out back. As he looks around, he finds the discarded rifle.)","(Nearby, SGT. O'RILEY is questioning ANANDA, the lone monk.)","Sgt. O'Riley: What can you tell me about the victims?","Ananda: We came from Thailand to share Buddhism here in Nevada.","Sgt. O'Riley: But you didn't share the last couple hours together. Where were you?","Ananda: I was at the bank. We're raising money to build a school. I was making a deposit.","Sgt. O'Riley: Where are the other monks?","Ananda: On a retreat. They come back tomorrow.","Grissom: May I ask a question? This is a high-crime area. Have you had any problems here before? Like break-ins or burglaries?","Ananda: The past ... is in the past.","Grissom: True. But sometimes, it leaves its fingerprints on the future.","(GRISSOM pulls out the rifle he found from the bag he's holding to show it to ANANDA.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BAR -- NIGHT]","(CATHERINE walks into a bar to talk with her former mentor, JIMMY TADERO. She smiles at the man sitting at the bar as she passes him.)","Catherine: (pats him on his shoulder) Aren't you on duty?","(She reaches JIMMY TADERO. He stands to meet her.)","Jimmy Tadero: Hey.","Catherine: Hey.","Jimmy Tadero: How you doing, kiddo?","(They give each other a warm hug.)","Catherine: Okay. How are you.","Jimmy Tadero: Fine. Sit.","(CATHERINE sits. She signals the bartender for a drink.)","Catherine: Whew. Attitude adjustment?","Jimmy Tadero: For the wife. Says she can't face me without it.","Catherine: Ah. How is Mrs. Tadero?","Jimmy Tadero: Counting the days till I retire. Nice job on the Logan case.","Catherine: Oh.","Jimmy Tadero: Hoo-hoo! Wild ride!","Catherine: Mm-hmm.","Jimmy Tadero: You did good.","Catherine: Yeah?","Jimmy Tadero: Yeah.","Catherine: Well ... I had a good teacher.","(They each take a sip of their drink.)","Catherine: So, did you see it? The confession?","Jimmy Tadero: On tv, yeah.","Catherine: And what do you think?","Jimmy Tadero: I always regretted the jury didn't give him the chair but I'll take cancer, long as he's gone.","(Quick flashback to: [ON TELEVISION] MARK\/DWIGHT KELSO is in the hospital bed with a nasal cannula on. The caption on the bottom of the television screen reads: Prison Hospital \/ MARK KELSO.)","Mark\/Dwight Kelso: (raspy) I've made a lot of mistakes. I killed that guy in Reno. But I did not kill Stephanie Watson. (gasping breath) God is my witness, I did not kill her.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Jimmy Tadero: Deathbed denial. Negotiate with god for a better seat in hell.","Catherine: What if Kelso didn't kill Stephanie?","Jimmy Tadero: I looked him in the eyes fifteen years ago. He did it.","(Quick flashback to: STEPHANIE WATSON walks down the back stairs to the alley. MARK\/DWIGHT KELSO walks up to her and grabs her from behind. He takes the knife and stabs her in the abdomen with it. She screams. He drops the knife and runs away.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Catherine: What if he didn't? I mean ...","Jimmy Tadero: Witnesses saw him bothering her in the club that night. Uniform picks him up a block from the alley. Knife cut on his hand. Come on, Cath!","Catherine: (sighs) Well ... maybe I'm just afraid that if I accept that he killed her that it's over, and Stephanie's really dead.","(She hangs her head down.)","Catherine: (mutters) I ... I don't know.","(JIMMY TADERO puts his hand over CATHERINE'S on the bar.)","Jimmy Tadero: What never lies?","(CATHERINE sighs.)","Catherine: The evidence.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - EVIDENCE ROOM -- NIGHT]","(CATHERINE and WARRICK search through the darkened evidence room.)","Catherine: The statute says that once the convicted party is executed or dies, the evidence can be destroyed. I-it's not here.","Warrick: Relax. They said it'd be here.","Catherine: Yeah, well, people make mistakes.","Warrick: Well, that's why we have computer tracking. Fourteen ... it was fifteen, right?","Catherine: Yeah. Fifteen ...","(WARRICK finds the box.)","Warrick: Stephanie Watson, right?","Catherine: Yeah.","(WARRICK pulls the box down. They look at it.)","Catherine: Yeah, that's it.","SHORT TIME CUT TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - EVIDENCE ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","(The contents of the evidence box are out on the table. CATHERINE and WARRICK go through the old evidence.)","Catherine: This was my old life.","Warrick: Yeah? We all have a past, huh?","(CATHERINE picks up an old crime scene photo. The label reads:","WATSON, STEPHANIE","CASE #2548713","MARCH 9, 1987 ]","Catherine: (sighs) Stephanie was my best friend.","(Quick flashback to: At the club, the night of the murder, STEPHANIE WATSON meets up with CATHERINE backstage.)","Stephanie Watson: Hey, we still on for tonight?","Catherine: (smiles apologetically) I got a gig. I promised him I'd be there. Forgive me?","Stephanie Watson: Just this once.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Catherine: I never saw her again.","Warrick: What exactly are we looking for?","Catherine: (sighs) Peace of mind that they got the killer.","(WARRICK picks up the bloodied knife and holds it out to CATHERINE.)","Warrick: Well, I'd start with this.","(CATHERINE stares at the knife.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - HALLWAY -- NIGHT]","(O'RILEY interviews DAVID SUDDAHARA, the cook.)","David Suddahara: Forgive me. English is my second language.","O'Riley: I understand you fine. So, you're the part-time cook here? (DAVID SUDDAHARA nods.) How many days a week do you work at the temple?","David Suddahara: Three.","O'Riley: You have a key?","David Suddahara: No need. The door is always open. I told the monks.","O'Riley: Too trusting. In this neighborhood, yeah. They ever have any problems with gangs?","David Suddahara: Couple months ago I saw spray paints on the back wall. Gang signs. I wanted to file a police report, but Ananda ... told me not to.","O'Riley: Why not?","David Suddahara: I told you.","O'Riley: \"Monks are too trusting.\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - MAIN PRAYER HALL - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","(SARA takes a print off of the carpet.)","(Quick CGI to under the roller and the sheet to show between the sheet and the flat carpet and the electricity that's being generated. End of quick CGI.)","(SARA get the tape and uses the tape to mark where the sheet has been used on the carpet. She lifts it up carefully and sees the shoe print. She thinks about it for a moment, the flips the sheet back over.)","(Short time cut to: The camera slowly \"walks\" along the carpet to show the blocked area of masking tape markers of where SARA has already tested for shoe prints. We see evidence marker #1 where a print has been found. Several tape marker blocks up, we find evidence marker #2, evidence marker #3 and evidence marker #4.)","(Sara is examining the first of four cushions the monks were found on. She finds a stray bullet cartridge.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","(NICK looks around and finds the Madonna, \"Ray of Light\", CD next to the portable CD player. He puts it back. He picks up another item, shakes his head then moves along.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - MAIN PRAYER HALL - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","(SARA examines the Buddha statute in the room. She looks at the blood spatter on the unlit candle. She examines one of the smaller Buddha statues and finds something.)","(Camera zooms in to the black thing stuck to the statue.)","(SARA picks up the statue. She looks up at the other statue and sees a wad of gum stuck the Buddha's forehead. She removes the soft gum.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","(NICK goes through the desk drawer where he finds a magazine, \"Naughty Not Nice\"","BIG BODACIOUS BADES.)","SHORT TIME CUT TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - FRONT STAIRS -- NIGHT]","(NICK and SARA sit on the stairs out front. NICK holds out the bagged magazine in front of him.)","Nick: Interesting reading for a man of the cloth. That monk had it in the bottom of his desk drawer. (He puts it aside.) And he was the guy handling the money. You hide one thing from your brothers, then maybe he was hiding more.","Sara: Yeah, but just 'cause you're stashing trash doesn't make you a killer.","Nick: Yeah, I'm just ... talking it out, Sara. What'd you find?","Sara: I found some boot prints on the prayer room rug. Monks don't wear boots, right, Nick?","Nick: No, no, or read p0rn or commit murder.","Sara: I also found a smudge with some trace material on a small statue. It was a partial, some ridge detail, but not make-able and a wad of gum that was stuck to the big Buddha. All of which is definitely pointing to an outside job.","Nick: Hey, whatever. Outside, inside. Why shoot four people, then leave the murder weapon behind the temple where even a blind man could find it? (afterthought) And I hate taking off my shoes.","(SARA smiles. NICK stands up and walks down the rest of the stairs carrying his bagged magazine. SARA puts the sample back into her kit.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC PATHOLOGY -- NIGHT]","(ROBBINS goes over the four autopsies with GRISSOM.)","Robbins: All were shot in the third eye, the sixth chakra, vortex of consciousness. I was a gray's anatomy man, until I lost my legs. I started getting phantom pains no drug or exercise could control. I began studying the chakras.","Grissom: Well, I do know that the seven chakras correspond to the body's seven energy centers.","Robbins: Each has a color and a vibration.","(Standing next to one of the bodies, ROBBINS points to the part of the monk's body he's referencing. Quick CGI colors the area with a burst of the image of the Chakra.)","Robbins: Muladhara, the root chakra, keeps us in the physical world. Svadisthana, seat of sexual energy. Manipura, melting pot of spiritual and earthly desires. Anahata, the loving heart. Visuddha, where feelings are given expression. Ajna, the third eye. Saharsrara, the crown connecting the mortal human to the timeless universe.","Grissom: Let's go back to the third eye.","Robbins: Ajna, the hub of higher consciousness.","Grissom: If someone were threatened by that consciousness, that would be a logical target, yeah?","Robbins: Hmm, there's a very good chance your killer's a Buddhist.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - DNA LAB]","(GREG SANDERS goes over the blood evidence from the knife with CATHERINE.)","Greg Sanders: Now, this is where Ecklie swabbed the blood sample from the blade fifteen years ago. It's your friend's, Stephanie Watson. And we got the second sample from the handle end. Perfect match to Dwight Kelso, the guy convicted for Stephanie's murder.","(Close up of the evidence bag reads:","Place Handling Labels Here Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department","EVIDENCE","DATE PREPARED: 3\/9\/87","TIME PREPARED: 23:15","EVENT #: 2543...","[X] RECOVERED","SUSPECT: DWIGHT KELSO","ALLEY BEHIND STRIP","Officer's: CE ]","(CATHERINE looks at GREG.)","Catherine: Thank you, Greg. Thank you.","(CATHERINE looks down at the knife.)","Greg Sanders: Had to be hard on you. Losing a friend, someone that you ...","(CATHERINE abruptly walks out of the lab.)","Catherine: I'm taking this to Trace.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- CONTINUOUS]","(CATHERINE examines the knife under a different color light.)","Greg Sanders: Did I miss something?","Catherine: You see that?","(GREG moves to stand next to CATHERINE to look at the knife.)","Greg Sanders: Hmm, it's blood. That's a weak sample. That's probably why Ecklie took the thicker one.","Catherine: Fifteen years ago, we figured, why light up something you can't analyze in the first place?","Greg Sanders: Yeah, except now, we can replicate DNA a million times, even from the most minute sample of blood.","Catherine: Priority.","Greg Sanders: Let me know what you find out.","(CATHERINE leaves.)","Greg Sanders: Yes, ma'am.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB -- NIGHT]","[SCOPE VIEW]","(Two bullets are being examined side by side.)","Nick: Bobby D. Shot the test bullet through the rifle you found behind the temple. It's on the right.","(NICK steps aside and lets GRISSOM look through the scope.)","Nick: Bullet from vic number three on the left. Lans and grooves align perfectly.","[SCOPE VIEW]","(The two matching bullets are side by side.)","Grissom: Well, we've got ourselves a murder weapon.","Nick: Well, we've got more than that. Sara and I found prints off the rifle.","Grissom: And?","Nick: Well, I'll give you a hint. He's bald, he wears a robe and he likes his coeds bodacious.","Grissom: (sighs) One survivor, one suspect.","Nick: And a whole lot of bad karma.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY]","(NICK and GRISSOM interview ANANDA.)","Ananda: I entered through the back. The rifle was on my desk. I walked into the prayer room to ask my brothers about the gun. I returned to my office, placed the weapon outside and went for help.","Nick: Tampering with evidence is against the law.","Ananda: The temple is a holy place.","Nick: Maybe, but a crime had been committed there.","Ananda: Please understand, I was obeying my teachings.","Grissom: Do your teachings allow you to keep pornography?","Ananda: Someone left the magazine at the temple. I kept it in case this person came back.","Nick: Yeah, right.","Ananda: If you are no longer attached to seeking pleasure, pictures of naked women mean no more than pictures of waterfalls. I abstain from erotic behavior not because we believe s*x is sinful but because preoccupation with worldly pleasure diverts us from the path.","Grissom: Got to be a lot easier to be a monk in a monastery on a mountaintop than one on Las Vegas Boulevard.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY]","(CATHERINE meets up with GREG SANDERS in the hallway where he gives her the test results.)","Greg Sanders: I ran that faint blood sample from the knife.","Catherine: Wow.","Greg Sanders: Yeah, I know.","(CONRAD ECKLIE calls out to CATHERINE. GREG leaves. They continue to walk down the hallway.)","Conrad Ecklie: Willows. Just the person I wanted to see. I just signed off on the authorization to destroy evidence in the Stephanie Watson homicides since I was the primary, and then I learned tonight that the evidence has been checked out by you and Warrick. You care to explain that?","Catherine: Found a third donor on the knife. Blood's from a male. Unknown.","Conrad Ecklie: But Kelso didn't have an accomplice.","Catherine: Then you know why we're looking at the file.","(CATHERINE walks into the layout room where WARRICK is examining the photos and the evidence. CONRAD ECKLIE follows her.)","[INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- CONTINUOUS]","Warrick: Hey.","Catherine: Hey.","Warrick: Here's the good news. Look at his hands. The cut on his left index finger -- it's just like the evidence log says.","(CATHERINE looks at two photos. One of a close up of a left hand with a cut on the index finger, and the other of DWIGHT KELSO holding a sign: \"DWIGHT KELSO\".)","(CATHERINE hands the photo to CONRAD ECKLIE.)","Warrick: Kelso's glove is not in any of the crime scene photos, any of the sketches, anywhere.","Ecklie: Pictures get lost, Warrick. I do remember that glove, though. Kelso's blood was all over it.","(CATHERINE looks at the log book.)","Catherine: It is in the evidence log.","Warrick: You see who logged it in?","Catherine: Jimmy Tadero. Booked two days after the murder. So why no photos?","Warrick: Want me to tag along?","Catherine: He's my mentor. If he screwed up, I don't think he's going to want an audience.","(CATHERINE puts the book down and leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- LAB]","(SARA types on the computer, prepping it for the simulation to test out her theory. GRISSOM sits next to her as she explains her theory.)","Sara: You know those prints that Nick and I got off the rifle?","Grissom: D.A. Says it's enough for a warrant. Ananda's already in custody.","Sara: Well, I better talk fast, then. The prints are only telling half the story. You know when a shooter holds a gun ...","(Quick flash to: Person demonstrating how a rifle gun is held.)","Sara: (V.O.) ... he grips the barrel and he wraps his index finger around the trigger?","(End of quick flash. Resume to present.)","Sara: Ananda never fingered the trigger.","Grissom: What about the prints?","Sara: On the weapon, but definitely not where they should be.","(SARA starts the simulation. The computer beeps and the models on the monitor grip the rifle handle and calculates the grip angle. Based upon where the prints where found, SARA figures it out.)","Sara: He held the rifle by the stock, barrel pointing down.","Grissom: He never fired it.","Sara: No. Anticipating your next question, the rifle's not registered.","Grissom: Well, Nevada doesn't require rifle registration. What's my next question?","Sara: (smiles) That chewing gum -- is with DNA.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - DNA LAB]","(GREG SANDERS works on the wad of chewing gum. He takes a swab and tests the sample.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- LAB]","(NICK is in the lab studying the placa carved into the temple wall. The portion of the wall is in the lab. GRISSOM stands next to NICK as he explains his finds.)","Nick: Placa was carved into the panel with a straight-edged blade. Nondescript. Not much to work with. What's unusual is the placa itself.","Grissom: Bangers tag homicides all the time.","Nick: Yeah, but after those German tourists were killed the Snakebacks were pretty much wiped out. The cops really came down hard on those guys. Twenty-seven members were put away for ... for murder and weapons possession, drugs, you name it. According to the gang unit, they've been out of business about a year.","Grissom: So we're looking at a Warhol.","(NICK's brow furrows as GRISSOM looses him with the reference.)","Nick: Hmm?","Grissom: Well, it's not a real soup can. It's a painting of a soup can.","Nick: Not a gang member, uh ... wannabe?","Grissom: Except, if you want to be in a gang, you can be.","Nick: (laughs) False clue.","(DAVID PHILLIPS walks inside the doorway.)","David Phillips: Excuse me, sir? I'm sorry to interrupt.","Grissom: David, stop calling me \"sir.\" What's up with the Air Force?","David Phillips: You're all clear for tonight.","(GRISSOM turns to leave the room with DAVID PHILLIPS.)","Nick: Air Force?","(DAVID turns around to answer NICK.)","David Phillips: My dad's a Colonel out at Nellis. Grissom's requested a meeting.","Nick: Why?","(GRISSOM turns around and shrugs at NICK.)","Grissom: I'm enlisting.","(NICK chuckles.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - TELEVIDEO CONFERENCING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS]","(GRISSOM talks with the COLONEL (PHILLIPS) over the teleconferencing video monitor.)","Colonel (Phillips): Since 9-11, geosynchronous government satellites have maintained a constant watch over U.S. Military installations.","Grissom: And the surrounding areas as well, right? This temple is less than two miles from your base. What's the chances your satellite's picked something up?","Colonel (Phillips): We can see a postage stamp on the sidewalk outside Lenin's tomb.","Grissom: Cool.","(Quick CGI to: The satellite out in orbit in space. The camera view passes through the satellite, out through its lens and straight downward to earth. The view passes through the atmosphere and clouds, straight down to the community to focus on the car below where it settles on the reflection of a NEVADA license plate that reads: PROUDUS.)","(End of CGI. Resume to present.)","WHITE FLASH TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. COFFEE SHOP PARKING LOT -- NIGHT]","(Camera opens on: NEVADA license plate: PROUDUS. The officer finds the car. NICK and SARA, both carrying their kits, meet up with GRISSOM who is standing on the sidewalk looking through a file.)","Grissom: Hey. Glad to see you're not in uniform. Only one vehicle passed through the temple gates around the time of the murders. Parked next to the monk's car.","Sara: \"Proud U.S.\"","Grissom: Registered to a Peter Hutchins.","Nick: Did you get his picture from outer space?","Grissom: All photographs were intermittent. None included the driver.","(SARA looks at the building that GRISSOM is standing in front of","Sara: The coffee shop?","Grissom: Yep. Would you like to, uh, process the truck?","Sara: Sure.","(SARA takes the sheet that GRISSOM holds out to her. She turns to head for the car.)","Grissom: Thank you.","(NICK and GRISSOM walk into the coffee shop.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","(NICK and GRISSOM walk into the Coffee Shop.)","Nick: Hi there.","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: Can I help you guys?","Nick: Yeah, I'm Nick Stokes. This is Gil Grissom. We're with the Vegas crime lab.","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: Pete Hutchins. Uh, cops are always welcome. Any sandwich, on the house, guys.","Nick: No, thanks. We're here about the murders at the Buddhist temple off crystal peak drive.","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: Yeah, I heard about it.","Grissom: I heard that, uh, some of the local business owners weren't very happy with the members of the temple.","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: The monks? Well, they didn't speak English and that bothered the other customers. And it's kind of hard to sell beer, sandwiches or videos when the monks didn't partake in any of those things.","(PETE HUTCHINS, SR., walks out from the back to the front to listen to GRISSOM and NICK.)","Pete Hutchins, Sr.: Those monks changed the whole feel of this neighborhood. I'm not surprised at any of these murders.","Grissom: Your name is ... ?","Peter Hutchins, Sr.: Peter Hutchins, Sr.","(SARA walks into the coffee shop.)","Peter Hutchins, Sr.: You know what? I've owned this shop for 20 years. Suddenly, these holy robers move in here and business takes a nose-dive. And I don't care what they say. It doesn't have a damn thing to do with the economy. Good night, Las Vegas; Good Morning, Vietnam.","Sara: Uh, Grissom, I found these on the front seat.","(SARA hands GRISSOM a plastic evidence bag.)","Grissom: Uh, which one of you two guys drives the truck outside?","Peter Hutchins, Sr.: I do.","Grissom: Well, these wouldn't be your prayer beads, would they?","Peter Hutchins, Sr.: No. Isn't there a law against her sniffing around inside my truck?","Grissom: She has a warrant.","(SARA holds up the warrant to show both PETER HUTCHINS.)","Nick: Sir, your vehicle was seen in the driveway of the temple around the time of the murders.","Peter Hutchins, Sr.: Now, why would I go to a Buddhist Temple?","Grissom: Probably not looking for salvation.","WHITE FLASH TO:","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. STRIP BAR -- NIGHT]","(CATHERINE sits at the bar with TED BENTON waiting for JIMMY TADERO to arrive.)","Ted Benton: Jimmy's running late. Nothing changes, huh?","Catherine: Oh, uh ...","(She laughs.)","Catherine: Some things do.","Ted Benton: Aw, you kidding, Catherine? Any day of the week, honey, you can still have them three deep, lined up at the bar.","Catherine: You were always nice to me, Ted.","Ted Benton: Nice has nothing to do with it, kid. Let's face it, you and this CSI stuff ... that's where you light up-- you're a natural.","Catherine: Jimmy changed my life. And no funny stuff, just mentor and pupil. Guy delivered me into a whole new life.","(Quick flashback to: CATHERINE is in the backroom putting on her make up. JIMMY TADERO stands next to her.)","Catherine: Hey! Jimmy! What's the case of the week?","Jimmy Tadero: Guy's up a tree, dead.","Catherine: Mm-hmm?","Jimmy Tadero: Ex-wife in the bedroom, with the pool man both very alive, if you know what I mean.","Catherine: Guy's spying on his ex. Has a heart attack when he sees her doing the nasty with the pool man.","Jimmy Tadero: You must have read the coroner's report.","Catherine: Just my woman's intuition.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Ted Benton: I wish he could have done the same for Stephanie.","Catherine: Yeah.","(JIMMY arrives next to them.)","Jimmy Tadero: Hey, Cath. What's the case of the week?","Catherine: Wish I didn't know. You up for this?","Jimmy Tadero: (nods)Ted.","Ted Benton: I'll see you, kid.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. ALLEYWAY -- NIGHT]","(CATHERINE and JIMMY TADERO stand in the alleyway. CATHERINE is holding an open file folder.)","Catherine: This is where Stephanie was found.","(Quick flashback to: STEPHANIE WATSON on the ground in the alley. Close up of JIMMY TADERO. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Jimmy Tadero: (mutters) Worst day of my life.","(CATHERINE turns to look at JIMMY.)","Catherine: Over there is where the beat cop grabbed Kelso as he was running out into the alley.","Jimmy Tadero: That's right.","Catherine: Now, do you remember where you found Kelso's bloody glove?","Jimmy Tadero: Up there, around the corner of that dumpster. I figure he'd dropped it, trying to get away.","Catherine: And then you logged it into evidence? No sketches, no photos. Just brought it in two days after the murder.","Jimmy Tadero: Yeah.","Catherine: Arresting Officer never saw a glove, according to the file.","Jimmy Tadero: He was busy trying to corral Kelso. It was dark. I came back in the daylight. What's going on?","Catherine: You always used to say if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.","Jimmy Tadero: What do you want? We got the guy.","Catherine: Jimmy, you're not hiding anything, are you? You didn't try to make things fit ... ?","Jimmy Tadero: I'm going to forget you ever asked that.","(JIMMY turns and walks away leaving CATHERINE in the alley.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY]","(GREG SANDERS processes the black substance found on the golden Buddha statue. He dips it in a liquid and watches as the liquid turns blue.)","Greg Sanders: (quietly satisfied) I thought so.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY]","(GRISSOM is looking through a stack of the geosynchronous surveillance photos on his desk. He examines it with a magnifying glass when NICK walks in.)","Grissom: Lot of activity in this neighborhood. You're going the wrong way on a one-way. Fender bender on the corner. Some guy running down the middle of the street ...","Nick: Good, we should go after him, then, 'cause the sandwich man's going to walk. His alibi checks out -- he was in Laughlin with his wife at a farmers market.","Grissom: What about the truck?","Nick: Took the van.","Grissom: Left the truck in the driveway. Junior?","Nick: Yeah. Teenage kid, no parents, keys to a ride. I'm all over him.","(GREG walks into the office. He hands GRISSOM the test results.)","Greg Sanders: Results from the colored material found at the crime scene. I'm trying to be humble, but once again I have the case breaker.","(GRISSOM reads the test results, then glances up at GREG.)","Grissom: You may be right. Paintball paint.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. -- DAY]","(In the middle of a game in progress, SARA, NICK and GRISSOM walk out into the middle of the field. Gunfire erupts around them.)","Nick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Knock it off!","(One of the players, PETE HUTCHINGS, JR., turns and looks at NICK. He promptly gets shot in the chest where a burst of red paint explodes on his jumper. He rips off his mask, frustrated at the interruption.)","(NICK signals him over.)","Nick: Come on over here, Rambo.","(As he makes his way toward them, SARA notices his boots.)","Nick: Wow! One pop to the chest and you're out. You got off easy.","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: What are you guys doing here?","(SARA takes out the shoe print photo and compares it to the green ink stain shoe print he just left on the wooden plank. It's a match.)","Grissom: Well, we know that your father's truck was at the temple at the time of the murders. And our lab identified boot prints and paint residue near the altar.","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: What kind of paint?","Grissom: Water soluble, with flecks of plastic coating like the kind on your clothes. Toss them in the wash, paint's gone.","(NICK looks at SARA. PETE HUTCHINS turns to look at SARA.)","Sara: You were there, weren't you?","(Camera holds on PETE HUTCHINS.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]","(PETE HUTCHINS, JR., and his father PETER, are both there as GRISSOM interviews PETE.)","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: I've never been to the temple. (beat) Never.","Grissom: Well ... see ...","(GRISSOM takes out a photo of a boot print and puts it on the table.)","Grissom: This boot print says you were.","Peter Hutchins, Sr.: Tell him who you lent your boots to. Tell him, or they'll accuse you of something else.","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: Nobody else wears my boots.","Peter Hutchins, Sr.: Son ...","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: We heard that this place was freaky, that there was a money tree and drugs. We wanted to see for ourselves.","(Quick flashback to: PETE HUTCHINS and his friends run into the Buddhist temple. They rush over to the gold Buddha statues and the money trees.)","Looter: Look-- right there, baby.LOOTER: Check it out!LOOTER: That's got to be solid gold, man.","(The sound of a door opening startles the looting.)","Looter: Come on, come on ...","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: (V.O.) we heard someone coming, and we took off.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: That's why you found my boot prints.","Grissom: No. You see, our dust lifter is only effective on very recent prints. I think you were there the day of the murders.","(PETE HUTCHINS, JR. glances over at his father.)","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: It was a ... (clears throat) it was a week ago when I went there with my friends. But Tommy, he copped a statue. I went back to return it, and I was removing my boots when I looked inside and I saw them laying there.","(Quick flashback to: PETE HUTCHINS, JR. walks into the main prayer hall and stops when he sees the four monks on the floor dead. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: I wanted to call the police, but I knew if they found me there, they'd think I did it.","(GRISSOM leans back in his chair and crosses his arms.)","Grissom: How'd you know to remove your boots? You'd been there before?","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: (hesitates) Maybe.","Peter Hutchins, Sr.: (to GRISSOM) What are you accusing my son of now?","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: They were my friends.","Peter Hutchins, Sr.: Whoa, whoa. (disgusted) Those monks were your friends? I'm taking a walk.","(PETER HUTCHINS, SR. stands up and leaves the room. The door closes behind him.)","Pete Hutchins, Jr.: Someone once asked the Buddha, \"How do we escape the heat of a summer's day?\" And the Buddha said, \"Why not leap into a blazing furnace?\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]","(Camera opens on a crime scene photo of STEPHANIE WATSON.)","Catherine: I got your beep. Did you run those tests?","Warrick: Kelso's glove -- embedded in the fabric-- dog hair. I isolated motor oil on the thumb and the rest of the stains were bloodstains. Kelso's, just like in the report.","Catherine: From where he cut himself stabbing her?","Warrick: You'd think, but you kind of put me on a wild snipe hunt so I tested for all biologicals, and I ran amylase and I found saliva.","(WARRICK hands the test results to CATHERINE.)","Catherine: Kelso's saliva?","Warrick: Yeah.","Catherine: Well, blood mixed with saliva sounds like a mouth injury.","(Quick flashback to: Someone punches KELSO in the mouth. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Catherine: Did you check the blood that Ecklie collected from the murder weapon?","Warrick: Also amylase.","Catherine: Well, how did blood from Kelso's mouth end up on the glove as well as the knife?","(WARRICK knows, but he doesn't say anything. He looks at CATHERINE.)","Catherine: (realizes) Unless it was planted.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. STRIP BAR -- DAY]","(CATHERINE walks into the bar where JIMMY TADERO is sitting.)","Catherine: Jimmy. You set him up.","Jimmy Tadero: He killed her.","Catherine: You don't know that.","Jimmy Tadero: Yes, I do.","(Quick flashback to: JIMMY TADERO hits DWIGHT\/MARK KELSO. He goes down and looks up at JIMMY.)","Dwight\/Mark Kelso: (taunting) When I stuck her, she called out your name. Where's a cop when you need one?","(JIMMY kicks KELSO in the face.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Catherine: Guys like Kelso brag all the time about things they didn't do, cat-and-mouse ...","Jimmy Tadero: He had a history of roughing up girls. He had a knife cut on his hand. But the D.A .... got cold feet, released him.","(Quick flashback to: DWIGHT\/MARK KELSO and JIMMY TADERO confront each other.)","Dwight\/Mark Kelso: (taunting) You don't have jack on me.","(JIMMY starts to beat KELSO up. He shoves the glove in KELSO'S bloodied mouth leaving blood stains on the glove. JIMMY pockets the glove.)","(Cut to: [TEMPORARY EVIDENCE ROOM] JIMMY glances behind him and rubs the bloodied glove on the knife.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Jimmy Tadero: I helped the evidence along.","Catherine: Good evidence doesn't need help. You taught me that one. I'm going to have to ask you for a sample of your blood.","Jimmy Tadero: What?","Catherine: New technology. We isolated male blood on the murder weapon. It doesn't belong to Kelso.","Jimmy Tadero: You think I killed Stephanie?","Catherine: You were in love with her, Jimmy. That was no secret. But the ring was.","(This catches JIMMY'S attention.)","Catherine: Three karats and she turned you down. Same week she died. I never thought anything of it till now.","Jimmy Tadero: You're good. You are.","Catherine: I'll get a warrant.","Jimmy Tadero: Yeah, you do that. You go get a warrant.","(CATHERINE turns and leaves the bar.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - DNA LAB]","(GRISSOM gives GREG SANDERS instructions on how to process the gum.)","Greg Sanders: Well, I have to warn you, any food I find in the gum is not going to be unique. Why don't you just give me a suspect I can match to?","Grissom: I can't give you what I don't have, Greg. All we're going to have is what we get from this gum.","Greg Sanders: All right, then I guess it's slice and dice.","Grissom: Thank you.","(GRISSOM leaves the lab. GREG goes to work on the gum.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LOUNGE -- DAY]","(WARRICK walks into the lounge with CATHERINE'S test results.)","Warrick: Results on Jimmy Tadero's sample. I just got it back from DNA.","(He gives them to CATHERINE in an envelope. CATHERINE takes the envelope and sighs. She starts to open the envelope, then puts it abruptly back down on the table in front of her.)","Warrick: Not going to take a look at it?","(CATHERINE laughs.)","Catherine: There was a shooting one night in the club and Jimmy pulls out his revolver and takes down the bad guy. The guy's on the floor, dying. Even though this was fifteen years ago, we still knew about aids. Jimmy then puts his gun away, he leans down -- he starts giving this guy mouth-to-mouth after having just shot him.","(CATHERINE smiles proudly at the memory.)","Catherine: Forget his own life, he's going to bring this guy back. And he did.","Warrick: You want me to open it?","(CATHERINE sighs heavily. WARRICK reaches for the envelope and opens it.)","(Camera holds on CATHERINE.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]","(Inside the interview room, through the glass window in the door, we see JIMMY TADERO and a POLICE OFFICER laughing. CATHERINE pauses outside the doorway and looks in. JIMMY turns around and sees CATHERINE. The POLICE OFFICER steps aside.)","CAMERA SLOW MOTION","(CATHERINE reaches the door and opens it. JIMMY TADERO turns around.)","RESUME MOTION","(CATHERINE walks into the room.)","Catherine: You've been excluded on the murder weapon.","Jimmy Tadero: I could have told you that. Did you compare the unknown against the club owner, Ted?","Catherine: Yeah, I compared it to Ted. I compared it to every male in CODIS. There were no hits, nowhere. Have a seat, Jimmy.","(They both sit down.)","Jimmy Tadero: I screwed up -- you want to hear me say it? I liked Kelso. Maybe I was wrong.","Catherine: (nods) Yeah, you were.","Jimmy Tadero: So now what?","Catherine: (shakes her head) You know now what.","Jimmy Tadero: You're not serious.","Catherine: You put a man away for life on planted evidence, Jimmy.","Jimmy Tadero: He was a scumbag. He copped to another murder.","Catherine: Scumbag or saint, what you did is a capital crime. You can't play with evidence, especially in a murder.","Jimmy Tadero: I can get life in prison if you turn me in, do you know that? Maybe even the death penalty. Do you know that?!","Catherine: What do you want me to do? What do you want me to do? Do you want me to look the other way? Do you want me to dummy my report?","Jimmy Tadero: I can't believe you're doing this to me. I gave you your career.","Catherine: I earned my career and you did this to yourself. You fabricated evidence, Jimmy.","Jimmy Tadero: You were two steps away from turning tricks. This is the thanks I get?","(CATHERINE doesn't say anything. JIMMY knows that he's gone too far.)","Catherine: (hurt) I danced, period. And instead of feeling sorry for yourself, think about this. When you were out there planting evidence on a case that you couldn't break, Stephanie's real killer got away. And he's still out there ... (pause) ... because you sold the one thing a cop can't afford to sell: Your integrity. So you tell me, between the two of us who's the whore?","Catherine: Arrest him.","(CATHERINE stands up to leave the room. JIMMY stands up and holds out his wrists as the POLICE OFFICER puts the handcuffs on him.)","(CATHERINE takes his jacket and puts it over the cuffs.)","Catherine: You can hate me all you want. I'm going to see you through this.","(JIMMY nods.)","(The OFFICER leads JIMMY out of the room. CATHERINE stands there with tears in her eyes.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. SIDEWALK MARKET -- DAY]","(ANANDA walks through the market carrying his bag of groceries. He greets people along the way.)","(GRISSOM pulls up in front of ANANDA.)","Grissom: If you see the Buddha on the side of the road, kill him.","Ananda: Because the true Buddha is inside of us so that is the false Buddha or a tired monk who doesn't drive because he can't control his anger.","(GRISSOM smiles at the humor.)","Grissom: Climb in, I'll give you a lift.","(ANANDA opens the car door and gets in.)","Grissom: We've cleared the father. The son has also been cleared.","Ananda: And you're looking for my help. You know my religion better than I know your science.","Grissom: There was a gang placa that was scrawled into the walls of your temple. It was put there to mislead us. The weapon you found on your desk was also put there to mislead us. The only other unexplained evidence we have is the chewing gum. We found traces of curry and saffron.","Ananda: Somebody ate a meal, then chewed gum.","Grissom: Sometimes the best evidence we get comes from what people do when they're not thinking. Old habits, routines. I don't think the gum was put there to mislead us. I think it was just a mistake.","Ananda: And you want to know what I eat for dinner. (beat) Curry and saffron.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - KITCHENS -- DAY]","(GRISSOM and ANANDA are in the kitchen.)","Grissom: It's the real stuff.","Ananda: The neighborhood kids thought we imported drugs. We just imported spices.","Grissom: And the five of you ate together that night? Any guests?","Ananda: No.","(SGT. O'RILEY walks into the kitchen.)","Sgt. O'Riley: How come you don't leave your cell phone on?","Grissom: We're in a temple, O'Riley.","Sgt. O'Riley: Oh, sorry. I just left the bank. Mr. Ananda here, you're playing fast and loose with the school fund money.","(SGT. O'RILEY hands GRISSOM the file folder. GRISSOM looks at it.)","Sgt. O'Riley: You raised just over $13,000 for the school fund, but you only deposited $12,000. You planning any more trips to Disneyland?","Grissom: According to the bank, you opened the school fund account on the same day as the murders. Where did you have the money before that?","Ananda: In a box in my office. CUT TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - ANANDA'S OFFICE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(GRISSOM opens the carved box.)","(Camera zooms in on a clump of yellow powder inside the box. GRISSOM leans in to look at the powder.)","Grissom: Curry powder. Your temple employs a part-time cook.","Ananda: Mr. Suddahara moved on.","Grissom: After you caught him with his hand in the till?","(Quick flashback to: Inside ANANDA'S office, DAVID SUDDAHARA opens the box and removes some of the money. He looks up and finds that ANANDA is in the doorway watching him.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Grissom: Why didn't you tell us about Mr. Suddahara before?","Ananda: Because a man steals doesn't mean he also kills.","(GRISSOM looks at SGT. O'RILEY.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]","(SGT. O'RILEY sits in the room with DAVID SUDDAHARA.)","Sgt. O'Riley: Got any more of that gum, Mr. Suddahara?","David Suddahara: Fresh out.","(The door opens and GRISSOM walks into the interview room reading a file folder.)","Grissom: Yep, his DNA matches the gum sample.","(GRISSOM sits down.)","Grissom: You thought Ananda was going to report you to the police for stealing the money.","Sgt. O'Riley: Went home, got his rifle, came back to make sure he didn't talk.","Grissom: And he'd gone to the bank to protect the rest of the money but you didn't know that.","(Quick flashback to: Inside the Buddhist Temple, DAVID SUDDAHARA carries the rifle.)","David Suddahara: Where is he?","(The monks continue to pray.)","David Suddahara: Did he go to the cops already? If they ask what I look like, here's your answer.","(He cocks the rifle and shoots. The first monk falls backward onto the floor.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Grissom: I'm curious about one thing, though. Why did you shoot them all in their sixth chakra?","David Suddahara: I shot them between the eyes.","(Camera holds shortly on GRISSOM'S expression.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. TEMPLE SIDEWALK - NIGHT]","(GRISSOM walks up the sidewalk toward the temple. The monks can be heard chanting inside.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - MAIN PRAYER HALL -- NIGHT]","(Inside the temple, there are two figures sitting side-by-side chanting.)","(GRISSOM walks up to the veil-covered doorway and looks inside. He pushes the veil aside.)","(Sitting next to ANANDA is PETE HUTCHINS, JR. He turns his head slightly and looks back at GRISSOM.)","(GRISSOM watches them for a moment.)","(PETE turns back to chanting.)","(GRISSOM leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - TEMPORARY EVIDENCE ROOM -- NIGHT]","(CATHERINE updates the information on STEPHANIE WATSON'S evidence box. It reads: DO NOT DESTROY. She adds: CASE UNSOLVED and underlines it.)","(Camera holds on CATHERINE.)","BLUR OUT. FADE TO BLACK."],"Show Title":"CSI Crime Scene Investigation","Episode Number":"02x17","Episode Title":"Felonius Monk","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_03x04.json","Recap":["Grissom suspects murder when the body of a dwarf is found hanging from a rope high above a stage in a casino hotel where a convention of little people is being held. Across town, Catherine is attacked at a crime scene where a man was murdered during what appears to have been a home robbery."],"Transcript":["[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","WHITE FLASH TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOTEL BALLROOM - NIGHT]","(In the darkness of the deserted auditorium, the back stage door opens. Someone walks in. She's one of the event coordinators making final checks for the show the next day. She walks up to the lighting console and turns on the switches for the main stage lights. She smiles as they go on.)","(She steps down from the console platform and walks past the curtains to the stage itself. She walks along the red-carpeted catwalk and stops at the end. She takes a moment and looks out into the empty seats in front of her.)","(The camera slowly moves lower and angles upward where we see the event sign hanging in the background for the \"International Organization of Little People \/ Fashion\". That's not all we see hanging in the background. The camera continues to angle upward where we see the shadow of a figure hanging from the rafters.)","(The event coordinator is satisfied with the stage preparations. She turns around to leave and gasps as she sees the figure hanging high above the stage.)","FLASH TO WHITE:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOTEL LOBBY -- NIGHT]","Sara: Is this some kind of convention?","Grissom: Little People Convention. Every year they come from all over the world to a designated city. Socialize, network. It's their Prom, Olympics, and New Year's Eve all rolled into one.","(SARA, GRISSOM and NICK make their way across the hotel lobby. All around them, dozens of Little People mill about, the lobby a bustling as with any other convention.)","(As they walk, a man in a wheelchair rides in the opposite direction toward them. He nearly runs into NICK.)","Nick: Oh, hey. Excuse me.","Man In The Wheelchair: Don't think so, square jaw.","(The MAN IN THE WHEELCHAIR leaves NICK wide-eyed and jaw hanging. GRISSOM and SARA continue along the ballroom unaware of NICK'S close encounter.)","Sara: Grissom, how do you know this?","Grissom: I get the newsletter.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOTEL AUDITORIUM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","Brass: Lawrence Ames, clothing salesman from phoenix. He's 35, four foot, five inches tall.","(BRASS accompanies the CSIs into the crime scene. They make their way up the stairs leading to the stage. Off on the side talking with an officer is MELANIE GRACE, the event coordinator who discovered the body.)","Brass: One of the, uh, convention organizers found him. She was checking out the stage. There's a fashion show tomorrow if you're interested. She looked up and saw him.","(The body hanging from above is slowly lowered.)","Sara: Guy does a suicide in a public place. He was trying to make a statement.","Grissom: Suicide?","Sara: It's a reasonable suspicion.","Nick: Suicide among any disability group is above average.","Grissom: Being a dwarf doesn't mean you're disabled, Nick. It means you're ... short.","(The body stops just inches from the ground.)","Grissom: I think we've got a little murder.","HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. RESIDENCE - DRIVEWAY -- NIGHT]","(CATHERINE slams the door to her Tahoe shut. She pockets the keys and with her CSI kits in hand, makes her way up the driveway. On the way, she's met by DET. DREW WOLF.)","Det. Drew Wolf: My favorite CSI. I was hoping you'd get the call out.","Catherine: Look who's back in town? So, what happened, Drew? You didn't like ... Idaho? Is that it?","Det. Drew Wolf: Had everything but you.","(CATHERINE laughs at the flattery.)","Catherine: Yeah, right. So, what have we got?","Det. Drew Wolf: One body, male caucasian. Looks like a home invasion. Listen, I'm headed next door. I'm going to talk to a neighbor who heard shouting, called 9-1-1. Keep me posted?","Catherine: Always did.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. RESIDENCE - NIGHT]","(Catherine walks into the large sunken living room. Standing guard over the body, preserving the crime scene, is FIRST OFFICER CLARK.)","Catherine: Hi.","(FIRST OFFICER CLARK turns to her and gags a little. He can't answer her. CATHERINE introduces herself.)","Catherine: Willows. (FIRST OFFICER CLARK gives CATHERINE his name.)","Catherine: You clear the place?","FIRST OFFICER CLARK: Just finishing.","Catherine: Okay.","(CATHERINE looks at the dead body. The man is lying face-up in the living room, blood spilled out in a pool under him from a wound in his head. CATHERINE takes out the camera and begins taking pictures. FIRST OFFICER CLARK, standing guard by the living room door, groans and looks green. He takes a deep breath.)","(CATHERINE'S cell phone rings. She puts her camera down and answers it.)","Catherine: Yeah? (pause) Hey, Warrick. (pause) Uh, yeah, it, uh ... some kind of home invasion gone bad. Don't run any lights. I'll just process till the coroner gets here. (pause) Okay. Cool.","(CATHERINE hangs up. FIRST OFFICER CLARK behind her swallows. The poor guy's turning green being in the same room with the dead body.)","FIRST OFFICER CLARK: We were just pulling out of the chili place when dispatch radio, uh, arrived on the scene at 1900 hours. My partner secured the perimeter. I've been in here ...","Catherine: This your first time on body watch?","(FIRST OFFICER CLARK gags and nods his head.)","Catherine: Well ... alive ... it's inside your bowels. Dead, it ends up on the floor.","(The camera moves to the mess under the dead body to emphasize CATHERINE'S point. FIRST OFFICER CLARK'S eyes move to the mess also. He begins to gag uncontrollably and puts and arm up to stop himself from contaminating the crime scene.)","(CATHERINE sees his distress and waves him out of the room.)","Catherine: Go. Go, go, go. Just get some air.","(The Young Officer takes off out of the room. CATHERINE chuckles. She goes back to processing the crime scene.)","(She moves to her print kit and begins dusting the floor. She looks around. She stands up and carrying her print kit, moves to another portion of the living room.)","(She dusts the sides of the cabinet doors and moves along the wall. CATHERINE looks down at her hands. The shadow inside the cabinet moves. CATHERINE looks up.)","(The figure inside the cabinet bursts out and grabs CATHERINE. In a cloud of fingerprint dust, the two struggle. He pushes her along the living room. CATHERINE continues to struggle.)","Catherine: (yells) Suspect on location! Suspect on location!","(He pushes her up against the wall. CATHERINE continues to fight back against the intruder. She manages to knock the intruder across the head, releasing his hold on her. For all that she's worth, CATHERINE fights. The intruder knock's CATHERINE across the head and pushes her down. CATHERINE falls to the floor landing in the dead body's pool of blood.)","Officer: In here!","(The intruder runs out the back.)","(Two police officers with their weapons drawn enter the living room. WARRICK follows, his gun also draw.)","Catherine: Out back.","Warrick: Catherine, are you all right?","(The two officers cautiously follow in the direction the intruder left. WARRICK lingers behind. He kneels next to CATHERINE.)","Catherine: He went out back. (to WARRICK) I'm all right. I'm okay.","(WARRICK leaves CATHERINE and follows the officers.)","(CATHERINE slowly gets up. Her hands covered with the victim's blood, her own blood spilling from the gash in her forehead.)","(In the background, we hear: Warrick: Talk to me! Anything? )","(WARRICK returns to the house, FIRST OFFICER CLARK behind him.)","Warrick: He must have gotten out the back window.","(WARRICK turns around and holsters his gun. For a brief moment, he's silent and thoughtful. He looks up at FIRST OFFICER CLARK in front of him.)","Warrick: (angry) You the First Officer on the scene?","(The officer nods his head.)","Warrick: When you clear a place you clear it, do you understand?","FIRST OFFICER CLARK: Yes, sir, I'm sorry.","Warrick: We lost a CSI two years ago because of the same mistake!","(Still on the floor, CATHERINE speaks up.)","Catherine: Warrick ... ease up. My fault. I sent him out.","Warrick: (to the officer) Use your radio and call for backup.","(FIRST OFFICER CLARK turns away and pulls out his radio. WARRICK kneels down next to CATHERINE.)","Warrick: (softly) Hey ...","Catherine: Hey.","Warrick: Are you okay?","Catherine: Yeah. I'm all right.","(WARRICK reaches out a hand to get a better look at the cut on CATHERINE'S forehead. CATHERINE moves back a little.)","Catherine: Don't touch me.","(She holds out her bloodied hand.)","Catherine: I'm evidence.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOTEL - AUDITORIUM]","(SARA lifts some fibers off of the deceased and envelopes it. The body of the deceased is resting on the gurney, the rope is still around his neck. DAVID PHILLIPS waits to accompany the body back to the Lab for processing.)","Sara: I got some fibers here. Possibly secondary. (NICK is walking back up to the stage. He's carrying a cord of rope.)","Nick: This rope was identical to the rope around the victim's neck. It's used as a hand rail. (DAVID PHILLIPS prepares to cut the rope loose. GRISSOM stops him.)","Grissom: Wait, David. Got a hair in the knot.","(Quick CGI POV to the knot and the single strand of hair tied with the rope. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)","Sara: Killer's in the rope.","Grissom: I want to preserve this as is, so cut higher.","David Phillips: Yes, sir.","(DAVID moves the knife up higher on the rope he was about to cut. He cuts the rope and the body falls back flat on the gurney. Camera lingers on the deceased's neck. GRISSOM uses his flashlight and looks up where the deceased was found.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. RESIDENCE -- NIGHT]","(CATHERINE puts on a pair of latex gloves.)","Catherine: Hey, um, hand me a swab, would you? (WARRICK turns around holding the swab out for CATHERINE.)","Warrick: You know I could do this for you. CATHERINE: Not going to hurt any less.","(CATHERINE takes the swab. She stands in front of the mirror and takes a sample from her head wound. She groans with the effort. Behind her, WARRICK winces.)","Warrick: That cut is deep.","(CATHERINE caps the swab tip and hands it to WARRICK.)","Catherine: Damn.","(CATHERINE turns back to the open van doors searching for some privacy.)","Catherine: All right, um, hey, uh, turn around.","Warrick: Huh?","Catherine: Privacy.","(WARRICK moves to the left side and turns his back to CATHERINE effectively blocking her from the driveway view. She starts to remove her clothing.)","Catherine: The guy bodied me full-on. I don't want trace to miss one hair or one fiber.","(WARRICK holds open the evidence bag while CATHERINE puts her clothes in it.)","Warrick: You decent?","(WARRICK turns around. The Coroner's office exits the home with the dead body on a gurney. They pass WARRICK and CATHERINE. WARRICK starts to put on his latex gloves while CATHERINE buttons up her work jumpsuit.)","Warrick: Looks like we're up.","(WARRICK and CATHERINE head back into the house to collect the evidence.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY ROOM -- NIGHT]","(The body is on the table. GRISSOM lifts the sheet covering the deceased's legs.)","Grissom: These scars are old. Tell me this wasn't bone-lengthening surgery. ROBBINS: Probably done when he was a teenager. Surgical pins are inserted into the bone ...","(Quick CGI POV of the apparatus externally attached to the surgical pins inside the leg bones. Camera passes through the skin to the bone as the bones are broken and CGI fills in the bone growing back.)","Robbins: (V.O.) ... and linked to an external screw. Turn the screw, it cracks the bones. Osteogenic cells flood in.","(End of Quick CGI POV. Resume to present.)","Robbins: Callus forms to bridge the gap. The fractures heal and the bone gets longer. You have to break the bones every four to six hours a quarter millimeter at a time. Excruciating pain ... for an extra few inches.","Grissom: What people will endure to be normal.","Robbins: \"What fools these mortals be.\"","Grissom: Hmm.","Robbins: So ...","Grissom: Hanging?","Robbins: At least. C.O.D. was asphyxiation due to strangulation. Give me a hand here.","(GRISSOM and ROBBINS lift up the body so that they can see the back. ROBBINS pushes the deceased's left ear up.)","Robbins: Bruise behind the ear is characteristic of a hanging.","(ROBBINS pushes the hair at the back of the head away.)","Robbins: This bruise is not.","Grissom: What is that, blunt force?","Robbins: Take a look at this.","(ROBBINS and GRISSOM move to the X-ray viewbox.)","Robbins: Separation of the first and second vertebrae prior to death.","Grissom: He was paralyzed?","Robbins: That's something that would only happen to a dwarf with pseudoachondroplasia. Physiology can make for cervical spine instability.","Grissom: So it's possible that whoever did this knew something about dwarf anatomy.","(Quick CGI POV to someone hitting the back of someone else's neck. Cut to a close up of the skeletal frame breaking between the first and second vertebrae. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)","(Both GRISSOM and ROBBINS turn to look back at the body on the table.)","Robbins: Hmmm ...","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. RESIDENCE -- NIGHT]","(Back in the house, WARRICK examines the large blood stain left behind by the deceased. CATHERINE follows more slowly. WARRICK moves on to the kitchen area. CATHERINE walks past the large blood stain on the floor. CATHERINE looks up at the cabinets along the wall where the suspect hid.)","(Quick flashback to the suspect pushing CATHERINE up against the wall and the two struggling.)","Catherine: Suspect on location! (Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume back to CATHERINE.)","Catherine: He was drinking.","(WARRICK watches CATHERINE while he puts on his gloves.)","Catherine: It was beer. Warrick: I'll go process the back. (CATHERINE nods her head. WARRICK leaves the room.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. RESIDENCE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(WARRICK kneels at the back outside gate and lifts a footprint off of the door.)","(Quick flashback to the suspect hitting the door and boosting himself over the gate. Cut to the suspect falling over the back and getting away. End of flashback. Resume back to WARRICK.)","(WARRICK takes the print and stands. He heads back into the house.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. RESIDENCE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(CATHERINE kneels in front of the living room cabinet door. She pulls off something and bags it. WARRICK enters.)","Catherine: Denim fiber from the cabinet. Could be nothing. And lots of smudges but no prints worthwhile.","Warrick: Yeah, I didn't get any prints either but I did get a partial shoe tread from the back gate. And I don't think our dead guy lived here.","Catherine: Based on ...?","(WARRICK stares at the photograph on the refrigerator door. He pulls takes one down and hands it to CATHERINE. She looks at it. It's a photograph of a black man and a light-skinned woman. Both are smiling.)","Warrick: These pictures. Got Detective Wolf looking for the homeowner's name from the real estate records.","Catherine: So, our home invasion robbery may be not a home invasion after all.","(WARRICK nods.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOTEL & CASINO - NIGHT]","(GRISSOM and SARA stand next to the machine that MELANIE GRACE is playing. SARA puts on a pair of latex gloves.)","Sara: So, would you mind if we tape-lifted your shirt? Combed your hair for evidence?","Melanie Grace: Evidence of what?","Sara: Well, the first person at a crime scene often turns out to be a viable suspect.","Melanie Grace: I'm the one the found his body. I'm the one that called it in. SARA: If you're innocent it'll, rule you out.","(MELANI GRACE considers this and shakes her head slightly. She may not like it, but she consents.)","Melanie Grace: Go ahead.","(SARA digs into her kit to get her stuff out. MELANI GRACE continues to play the machine. She glances over at GRISSOM.)","Melanie Grace: Does he ever talk?","Sara: Yeah. At, uh, random intervals.","Grissom: I was admiring your reaching tool.","Melanie Grace: I have one I use to wipe my tush with. Would you like to take a look at that, too?","(SARA smiles as she collects the samples.)","Grissom: Hey, if the world doesn't adapt itself to you, you have to adapt yourself to it, right?","Melanie Grace: Yeah. You know, you probably think I'm cold. Pulling slots after I found Lawrence up there. This is the convention. Everything moves at warp speed.","Sara: I'm done. Thank you.","(MELANI GRACE gets up and off of her seat. She starts to leave then turns around.)","Melanie Grace: You know, fifty-one weeks in your hometown with nothing but average-sized people. I have to fit a lifetime into this week. We all do. Business connections, gambling, romance.","Grissom: Excuse me. Did Lawrence have any problems in those areas?","Melanie Grace: Romance? Not at all. Lawrence was a pseudo. He could have his pick of any girl in here.","(MELANI GRACE leaves. SARA takes off her gloves and watches her walk away.)","Sara: What's a pseudo? GRISSOM: Dwarfs with pseudoachondroplasia have features and head size like normal people. Dwarfs with achondroplasia have shortened limbs and enlarged heads.","Sara: Different types of dwarfs, different social status? GRISSOM: Hey ... discrimination isn't just for tall people. (SARA looks at GRISSOM.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LAWRENCE AMES' HOTEL ROOM]","(GRISSOM removes the crime scene tape across the hotel room door. He opens the door and finds a young woman sitting on the bed. Her back is to the door. GRISSOM looks at SARA. He's surprised to find anyone in the room at all. They both are.)","Grissom: Excuse me.","(The woman turns around.)","Grissom: Isn't this, uh, Lawrence Ames's room?","Jessica Marcus: Yes.","Grissom: Who are you?","(JESSICA MARCUS sighs. She gets up off the bed and approaches them. GRISSOM seems surprised that she's just as tall as he is. He looks at SARA. They both catch themselves and look back at JESSICA MARCUS.)","Jessica Marcus: I'm his fianc\u00e9e. We always got those looks. I'm five-seven, in case you were wondering.","Sara: Our concern isn't your height; it's your proximity. You're standing in a potential crime scene.","(GRISSOM puts his kit down and pulls out the nearest chair.)","Grissom: Would you please sit down here? We want to keep the contamination to a minimum.","(SARA is on her cell phone.)","Sara: (on phone) This is CSI Sidle. We need a uniform in room 312 right away. Thanks.","(SARA hangs up the phone. JESSICA MARCUS sits in the chair.)","Grissom: Didn't the police tell you not to come in here?","Jessica Marcus: Yes. But I wanted to be near Lawrence's things.","Grissom: And, um... these are Lawrence's things?","Jessica Marcus: Yes.","(GRISSOM notices the reaching tool on the bedside table next to the laptop and a stack of magazines. He looks up and immediate notices the gouge in the far wall. He takes a couple steps closer to the wall.)","Grissom: Sara?","Sara: Yeah?","(SARA moves in to examine the mark on the wall.)","Sara: Gouge is deeper at the bottom than the top.","Grissom: So the strike was made coming down.","(GRISSOM goes back to the reaching tool. He picks it up and looks at it. SARA finds a piece of broken plastic on the floor near the wall. She picks it up.)","Sara: Grissom.","(They match the broken plastic to the reaching tool. GRISSOM takes the plastic from SARA. SARA looks up at JESSICA MARCUS.)","Sara: Did you and Mr. Ames have an argument, say last night?","Jessica Marcus: No.","(SARA looks at JESSICA MARCUS.)","Jessica Marcus: You don't believe me?","(GRISSOM holds up the broken plastic.)","Grissom: Well, right now, we believe the evidence.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]","(DAVID PHILLIPS prepares the electric razor. CATHERINE and WARRICK visually look over the body.)","Catherine: What are the marks on his forearms? (DAVID PHILLIPS turns around and glances at the multiple indentations CATHERINE'S looking at.)","(Quick CGI POV focuses on a single round indention on the deceased's arm. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)","David Phillips: Hmm, can't say. But I do know that Teddy Henders died from blunt force trauma.","Warrick: From what, do you think? A hammer, butt of a gun? DAVID PHILLIPS: I was just going to see if I could figure that out. (DAVID uses an electric razor and starts to shave the deceased's head to see what's underneath his hair. After clearing the contact area, he turns the razor off. CATHERINE leans in to look at the impression.)","Catherine: \"Z\"?","(Quick flashback to CATHERINE dusting a z-mover video game box at the crime scene. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Catherine: There was a z-mover video game on the floor next to the vic. Murder by z-mover.","Warrick: The neighbors heard shouting. Two guys break and enter and get into some kind of an alternation.","(Quick flashback to two men arguing inside the house. One man picks up the video game box and hits the other with it. Quick CGI POV impression of the letter \"Z\" imprinted on the bloody scalp. End of CGI POV. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Catherine: One ends up killing the other.","David Phillips: And almost Catherine.","(CATHERINE is surprised by DAVID'S comment. She's not amused by it either. DAVID looks up at CATHERINE and smiles lightly.)","David Phillips: That had to be scary, huh?","Catherine: (flatly) I didn't have time to be scared, David.","(DAVID'S smile fades.)","David Phillips: Oh.","(Without a word, CATHERINE leaves the room. WARRICK watches her leave, concerned for her. WARRICK takes off his gloves and looks back at DAVID.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOTEL - LAWRENCE AMES' ROOM -- DAY]","(GRISSOM looks down at the champagne glass next to the bucket and bottle on the table. He kneels in close and slowly picks it up. The champagne glass has some drink still left on the bottom.)","Grissom: Is the lipstick on this champagne glass yours?","Jessica Marcus: No champagne for me. I'm ... pregnant. Only seven weeks. SARA: Is this your computer, or Lawrence's?","Jessica Marcus: Lawrence's.","Sara: We're going to have to take it with us.","(JESSICA MARCUS nods. GRISSOM opens an evidence bag for the champagne glass.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. -- DAY]","(WARRICK finds CATHERINE standing outside, leaning against her car.)","Warrick: Cath? You all right? (WARRICK reaches CATHERINE.)","Warrick: Don't let him get to you like that.","Catherine: I was scared ... and I still am.","(WARRICK puts his arms around CATHERINE.)","Catherine: Don't tell anyone, okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- LAB]","Nick: Hey, Greg. GREG: Hey. NICK: Get anything off the rope? GREG: Yeah, a few brown hairs around the knot. Only one with a skin tag, though. And those fibers that Sara found on the body? NICK: Yeah? GREG: Polyester upholstery. Cheap rugs and tacky furniture.","(GRISSOM walks into the lab and looks at the samples on GREG'S table.)","Grissom: I need these hairs.","Greg: Uh, uh, no DNA tags on those.","Grissom: Doesn't matter.","(GRISSOM finds what he's looking for then leaves the lab as quick as he entered it. NICK looks at where GRISSOM goes, his back to GREG.)","Greg: (grumbling) You know, I hate it when he does that. I like to make a presentation, you know?","(NICK turns to look at GREG.)","Nick: So, present.","Greg: Eh, forget it. Scope's interesting.","(NICK looks into the scope. Scope View shows skin cells. Resume to present.)","Nick: All right, fresh epithelials.","Greg: Yeah, I found them on the rope near the anchor point. A minuscule sample, but useable.","Nick: How long for DNA?","Greg: Well, give me something to compare it to. Get me the fianc\u00e9e's blood.","Nick: Well, I can't just give you her blood. That takes a court order.","Greg: I'm open 24 hours.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- LAB]","(In the lab, SARA goes through LAWRENCE AMES' laptop's contents.)","Sara: (reading) \"Met you in a pseudo chat room. Do you remember me?\" \"I remember you.\"","[THE FULL COMPUTER SCREEN READS:","\"CHAT ARCHIVE INSTANT MESSAGE\"","<DANIELLE256> I met you in a pseudo chat room. do you remember me? I'm the one who liked French films and Soderberg.","<LAWRENCE1801> I remember you. Love Soder too.","<DANIELLE256> You going to the Convention this year? I'd love to meet you. See if you can pick me out. I'm four even. Perfect face. perfect body. All yours.","<LAWRENCE1801> I'm dying to see your pic. C'mon","<DANIELLE256> Count to three, Handsome. <To View Attached File. Click Here> ]","Sara: (muttering) \"...to the convention this year? \"I'd love to meet you. See if you can pick me out. Perfect face perfect body. Count of three, handsome.\"","(SARA clicks on the attachment and the picture of an attractive dark-haired woman appears on screen. SARA stands and leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY]","Sara: Jessica, you knew Lawrence was having an on-line affair with another woman didn't you?","Brass: You logged on at times when Lawrence was at work. We checked his work records.","Jessica Marcus: A lot of girls liked Lawrence. He was funny and smart and sweet.","Sara: Danielle was different. She was his size. She was ... perfect.","Nick: We found your skin cells on the rope that hung Lawrence.","Jessica Marcus: You're making that up.","Nick: No, I'm not.","Brass: Our court order ... your blood.","Jessica Marcus: I did not put a noose around my fianc\u00e9's neck.","Nick: Then explain how your skin cells got on the rope.","Jessica Marcus: I can't.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT CSI -- LAB]","(GRISSOM is conducting a test on the strand of hair found in the rope. Using a Tinius Olsen(tm) machine, GRISSOM tests the strength of the single strand until it breaks.)","(SARA and NICK walk in.)","Sara: Hey. Confronted the fianc\u00e9e; she stonewalled us.","Nick: Brass told her not to leave town.","(NICK turns to look at SARA)","Nick: He sounded a bit like Jack Lord, don't you think?","(SARA looks at NICK and smiles.)","Grissom: Well, she can go wherever she wants to. She didn't do it. Take a look. Hair from the knot.","(SARA and NICK move to look through the microscope. They see the hair.)","Sara: They look thin.","Grissom: Diameter's 60% less than normal. Tensile strength is also way below normal.","Nick: You have a cross section?","Grissom: (nods) Mm-hmm.","(GRISSOM adjusts the microscope. NICK and SARA look back at the sample.)","Nick: Hmm. No pigment at the central core. No color.","Grissom: Cartilage Hair Hypoplasia. C.H.H. It's characterized by fine, brittle body hair. It's an extremely rare syndrome. It's a form of Dwarfism.","Nick: Okay. So, back to the midgets.","(GRISSOM looks sharply at NICK.)","Grissom: Nick ... \"Dwarfs\" or \"Little People\".","(NICK nods at the correction.)","Grissom: You'll need to know what to look for. So, I'll put together a list of C.H.H. Attributes.","Nick: Well, you better do it fast. The convention's over in two days. After that, the \"Little People\" go home and we lose all our suspects.","(Camera hold on GRISSOM.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOTEL BAR -- NIGHT]","(MELANIE GRACE sits at a bar-side table with two other women. They're having drinks. GRISSOM approaches them.)","Grissom: Ms. Grace? (to the woman nearest him) Excuse me. (to MELANIE GRACE) I need your help. MELANIE GRACE: What now? My DNA? GRISSOM: No, actually ... your eyes. CUT TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOTEL BAR - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(GRISSOM shows MELANIE GRACE the picture of \"DANIELLE256\".)","Melanie Grace: I'm sorry, I don't recognize her and a girl this pretty I would remember. The guys would still be drooling.","Grissom: Well, according to the police, there's none named Danielle registered at the hotel or at the convention.","Melanie Grace: You expected an internet handle to be a real name? (GRISSOM shakes his head slightly.) Maybe the girl got cold feet. My first IOLP convention -- I walk in, see 200 Dwarfs staring back at me and what goes through my head? \"There's no way I look like these people.\" I ran.","Grissom: But you went back. MELANIE GRACE: Eventually. I guess I realized it's nice to see eye-to-eye with someone.","Grissom: Mm. MELANIE GRACE: I get the impression that's a little tough for you. \"The freaks have looked at her in a secret way and tried to connect their eyes with hers as though to say, we know who you are. We are you.'\" (GRISSOM smiles.)","Grissom: Faulkner.","Melanie Grace: Close. Another southern writer. Carson McCullers.","Grissom: I think we look for the differences in each other to prove that we're not alone.","Melanie Grace: What's yours? Your difference? (GRISSOM doesn't respond.) Mine's the worst. Random gene. Anyone can have a dwarf. Sometimes I've even seen terror in average-size people's eyes. I remind them that their little carbon copies might not be such a copy after all.","Grissom: Well, mine's genetic, progressive and impossible to predict.","Melanie Grace: And hard to notice ... unless you tell someone.","(GRISSOM nods and smiles slightly at the insight.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- LAB]","(CATHERINE enters the lab. WARRICK is already there working in his lab coat.)","Catherine: Got your beep. What'd you get? Warrick: Denim fibers at 400x. (WARRICK motions to the microscope on the table behind him. CATHERINE peers into it.)","Warrick: The skin from the dead guy and the denim found in the cabinet were both coated in the same substance.","(Microscope view of the denim strand. CATHERINE looks up at WARRICK.) CATHERINE: You get a breakdown?","Warrick: Yeah, partially hydrogenated soy bean oil, traces of beef fat, sugar and potato starch.","Catherine: Cooking grease.","Warrick: That would explain the marks on the guy's forearms. Grease burns.","(Quick CGI POV to a hand lifting the wire basket out of a deep fryer. The oil splatters. Cut to a close up of the hot oil on skin. Flash to white. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)","Catherine: So there's a good chance the victim worked in a fast food joint.","(WARRICK nods. DET. DREW WOLF enters the lab.)","Det. Drew Wolf: I got a feeling they both did. The owner of the house has a franchise of fast food places. Uh, fast and fresh burgers. I just got off the phone with him from Hawaii. Alvin Jackson. Three stores in the Vegas area. And he's on his yearly vacation.","Catherine: Something his employees would definitely know. Get any addresses?","Det. Drew Wolf: You bet.","Warrick: Let's go check it out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - AUDIO\/VISUAL LAB]","(DANIELLE'S photograph is up on screen.)","Sara: We're looking for anything in the picture that might give us a way to find her. Something in the background that determines location a useful reflection, anything.","(ARCHIE takes a good look at the picture. He smiles and laughs a little.)","Archie Johnson: Huh ... oh, I get it. This is like a test, right?","Sara: What do you mean? ARCHIE JOHNSON: Individual hair shadows are amorphous when they should be distinct.","(ARCHIE stands and moves to the screen where he points to \"DANIELLE\" right cheek bone. A box frame on screen marks the points ARCHIE emphasizes.)","Archie Johnson: In these two areas -- here and here-- they're on the same focal plane but this one's sharp and this one's fuzzy.","Sara: This picture's a fake?","Archie Johnson: A composite. A very good one.","SHORT TIME CUT TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT CSI - AUDIO\/VISUAL LAB]","(GRISSOM watches the monitor as ARCHIE works his magic.)","Grissom: This explains why nobody ever saw her. She only exists in pixels. Nat King Cole.","Sara: Excuse me?","Grissom: Archie would you separate the composite elements, please?","Archie Johnson: Yup.","(ARCHIE de-composites the photograph.)","Archie Johnson: The image was built out of these.","Grissom: Now if you could, pull up a photo of the victim, gray scale. There's a theory in art that the Mona Lisa was really a feminized version of Leonardo Da Vinci himself.","Sara: Concept suggests ... Deep down we're all narcissists?","Grissom: Yeah. What attracts us the most is ourselves.","Sara: (to ARCHIE) Scale to match the original picture with Danielle.","(BRASS walks in and stops to watch. ARCHIE works on the two photographs, matching it by hand.)","Sara: Danielle is a virtual woman created to attract and lure Lawrence Ames ... away from his fianc\u00e9e, maybe?","Brass: Boy, do I have good timing, or what? I did a little checking with the phone company. In the past year, Lawrence Ames received over two hundred calls from Melanie Grace.","Sara: The same woman that found him dead.","Brass: He got call-blocking against her two months ago.","Sara: Well, that's interesting. That's the same time Danielle started sending him instant messages.","(Camera holds on GRISSOM'S thoughtful look.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM]","Melanie Grace: Yes, I called Lawrence. We met in a chat room. He also called me. Did you look at my phone records? BRASS: He eventually blocked your calls. The same week he got engaged to Jessica Marcus.","Grissom: It was at that time he began receiving messages from ... a perfect woman ...","(GRISSOM holds out a single sheet with two photos on it, LAWRENCE AMES and \"DANIELLE\".)","Grissom: ...who doesn't really exist.","Melanie Grace: You think that I would do that? Present myself to a man as anything other than who I am?","Brass: If it would break up his new engagement. So what happened? You went to the convention you saw him with his tall girlfriend and you go to plan B?","Melanie Grace: (to GRISSOM) You think I'm capable of that? Killing because a woman has some height on me? Pretending to be an ideal ... if you think that ... then I was wrong about you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOTEL - MAIN LOBBY - VENDOR AREA -- DAY]","(NICK walks through the lobby, looking around. He's reading through some papers in his hands. He gets some distance when the same man from the beginning of the episode riding a wheelchair deliberately blocks his path. NICK tries to walk to the left around the man in the wheelchair. The man turns his wheelchair to block NICK. NICK looks up from his papers. He sees the man and tries to walk around the man to the right. Again, the man turns his wheelchair to block NICK.)","Nick: Hey. Do you mind, little man? I'm trying to work here. Man In The Wheelchair: Really? NICK: Yeah. Man In The Wheelchair: You making any progress, CSI man? NICK: Some. Man In The Wheelchair: Uh-huh. Are we getting your A-game or your B-game?","(NICK smiles a little.)","Nick: Come again? Man In The Wheelchair: You see us little people we're used to getting the short end of the stick. (NICK chuckles.) Man In The Wheelchair: (sharply) You don't get to laugh at that.","(NICK stops smiling at all. The man in the wheelchair activates the wheelchair and the seat starts to rise. NICK notices the impressive gadgetry. It lifts him higher and higher till he's looking eye-to-eye with NICK.)","Man In The Wheelchair: What I want to know is are you treating this like a case or like a joke?","Nick: Well, a man was killed; that's no joke.","(NICK meets the man's eyes. He's completely serious.)","Nick: (quietly) You got my A-game. Man In The Wheelchair: Yeah? NICK: Yeah. (The MAN IN THE WHEELCHAIR is satisfied by what he sees in NICK'S eyes.)","Man In The Wheelchair: Carry on. (The man lowers the wheelchair seat and leaves NICK as he continues on his way. NICK watches him leave for a moment, then turns around. In the background at the nearest vendor booth, we hear the salesman giving pitch to his customer.)","Kevin Marcus: This is very easy to articulate. Comes in several different colors. You will enjoy this very, very much ...","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- LAB]","(GREG looks over his most recent test results. He sees GRISSOM walking purposefully through the hallway. GREG grabs an empty file folder and exits the lab with the test results to catch GRISSOM.)","Greg: Uh, Grissom.","(GRISSOM stops and turns around.)","Greg: There's, uh, something weird going on with the hairs from the ropes. Well, not weird. More like... hair-raising.","(GRISSOM doesn't crack a smile.)","Greg: Sorry, bad one. Um, okay, at first I thought that maybe I was doing something wrong -- running too many DNA samples, you know seeing things. GRISSOM: Greg?","(GREG exhales.)","Greg: Uh, the dwarf hair has seven alleles in common with Jessica Marcus's skin cells.","(This information surprises GRISSOM.)","Grissom: The two donors are related?","Greg: Profiles say so.","(GRISSOM'S cell phone rings. He answers it.)","Grissom: Grissom.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOTEL - LOBBY - VENDOR AREA -- DAY]","Nick: He looked like he fit your profile. So, I asked around. Two little people confirmed he has C.H.H.","Brass: Okay, thank you.","(BRASS and GRISSOM both make their way to vendor booth #107. KEVIN MARCUS is showing his products to potential clients.)","Brass: Kevin Marcus?","Kevin Marcus: Buying or browsing?","Brass: Maybe a little bit of both.","Grissom: Rope for makeshift banisters, huh?","Kevin Marcus: That rag rope ... cuts the hands. Now you feel this nylon. Go ahead feel that.","(KEVIN MARCUS holds out the rope for GRISSOM. GRISSOM kneels down and takes the rope.)","Kevin Marcus: I do trade shows mail order ... I even sold to this convention.","(KEVIN MARCUS pulls out a brochure and holds it out to GRISSOM.)","Grissom: So what do you, buy from wholesalers and then repackage in your home? KEVIN MARCUS: Yeah, Chicago. BRASS: Well, that explains how your daughter's skin cells got all over the rope that hung Lawrence Ames. GRISSOM: Your daughter's name is Jessica, right? (KEVIN MARCUS looks up at BRASS and nods his head.)","Brass: The lab also found your hair all over that rope.","Kevin Marcus: Well, I touch all the merchandise.","Brass: Nice try, Kev. They hair was caught in the noose.","(KEVIN MARCUS doesn't say anything. GRISSOM watches him closely.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY]","Nick: Did you know your father killed Lawrence?","Jessica Marcus: That's what they told me, but I couldn't believe it. I still can't.","INTERCUT TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY]","Brass: So you created Danielle to break up your daughter's engagement.","Kevin Marcus: That's an interesting theory.","(KEVIN MARCUS smiles. Neither BRASS nor GRISSOM say anything.)","Kevin Marcus: What? You guys trace an online account to my credit card or something like that? Oh, no, wait. Um, I use a free ISP. That means no name, no trail, no case.","(BRASS looks at GRISSOM.)","Grissom: Mr. Marcus, in your business you deal with proportions, correct? You provide Little People with what they need to compensate for their proportions and to live with them. You know what Little People aspire to be. Your, uh, logo is interesting.","(GRISSOM holds out a blue and white business card. On the left is the altered Da Vinci's image and on the right is the business information: REACH U? \/ KEVIN MARCUS \/ PRESIDENT \/ 3114 W. NILE ROAD, CHICAGO, IL 60603 \/ (312) 555-1247.)","Grissom: Da Vinci's \"Vitruvian Man.\" In the perfect human form, arm span equals height. You're very aware of what, uh people are looking for in a mate aren't you?","INTERCUT TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY]","Jessica Marcus: The night before he died, Lawrence and I had a fight about Danielle.","(Quick flashback to LAWRENCE AMES in front of his laptop. Behind him is JESSICA MARCUS.)","Jessica Marcus: Are still in contact with her?","Lawrence Ames: She e-mails or IM's. I don't answer. I love you.","(JESSICA picks up the reaching tool from the table and throws it across the wall.)","Jessica Marcus: You're cheating on me!","(The reaching tool hits the wall and the plastic tip breaks. End of flashback. Resume to NICK.)","Jessica Marcus: And I ran out of the house and I went to my dad. I was crying and he told me to leave Lawrence but I couldn't because ... I ... I loved him. And I'm having our baby. And I went back to our room and we made up.","(Through her tears, JESSICA smiles at the memory.)","Jessica Marcus: And the next night ... he said he was going out to meet a friend.","(Quick flashback to LAWRENCE AMES dressed up and headed out the door. JESSICA MARCUS leans down and gives him a kiss.)","Lawrence Ames: I'll be back in an hour, babe.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Jessica Marcus: And he never came back.","(NICK nods.)","INTERCUT TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY]","Brass: So, what'd you have against the guy?","Kevin Marcus: What are you, blind? He was a dwarf. My wife and I ... Our daughter ... a Genetic Miracle. One-in-four shot she'd be an average. And she was a beautiful average.","Grissom: So your wife is also a dwarf.","Kevin Marcus: Yeah. Jessica didn't have to fight the world every day, like we did. We freed her from all that. But that little b*st*rd kept dragging her right back down into it.","Brass: So you killed him.","Kevin Marcus: I said I didn't like the guy. I didn't kill anybody.","(GRISSOM looks grimly at BRASS, then back to KEVIN MARCUS. GRISSOM and BRASS leave the room. BRASS closes the door and takes a deep breath. He looks at GRISSOM.)","Brass: Can we prove it?","Grissom: Not yet. The rope was anchored to the lighting truss which was at least five feet over his head.","Brass: So?","(Inside the room, KEVIN MARCUS gets off his chair and puts his jacket back on.)","Grissom: He can barely lift his arms above his shoulders. He suffers from Lumbar Lordosis Swayback ... which is typical of C.H.H. And it limits his mobility even more.","Brass: Hey, the guy put a rope around the victim's neck.","Grissom: Yeah, but how did he hang him?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[EXT. ALVIN JOHNSON'S FAST FOOD PLACE - PARKING LOT - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TAHOE -- DAY]","(CATHERINE moves to open her passenger side door. DET. DREW WOLF leans into the open window stopping her.)","Det. Drew Wolf: Listen, Catherine. Me and Warrick can handle this. (WARRICK glances at CATHERINE.)","Catherine: I'm going in. Warrick: Well, the guy assaulted you. You don't have to put yourself through this, you know. CATHERINE: I don't, I'll be scared of the next guy and the one after that.","(CATHERINE shakes her head, no. She opens the car door and gets out of the car. WARRICK gets out of the car also.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. ALVIN JOHNSON'S FAST FOOD PLACE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","Warrick: Shoe tread, denim fiber, a lot of cooking grease. Based on that evidence, they all did it.","(WARRICK closes the file folder he's carrying and walks back to the DETECTIVE and CATHERINE.)","Det. Drew Wolf: All right, so we take them one by one.","Catherine: Transfer works both ways.","(CATHERINE steps up toward the line of cooks behind the counter. She unzips her bag and hands a stack of evidence paper sacks to WARRICK.)","Catherine: Warrick?","(CATHERINE also takes out a stack of clean tissue. She hands one to the YOUNG MAN standing first in line.)","Catherine: Blow your nose.","Young Man: I don't gotta.","(The YOUNG MAN looks at CATHERINE. CATHERINE doesn't break eye contact. She tilts her head up and holds the tissue out. The YOUNG MAN takes the tissue and blows his nose.)","(WARRICK hands CATHERINE the open evidence sack. The YOUNG MAN hands the tissue back to CATHERINE. She glances at it and puts it in the sack and puts it on the counter. She moves on to the next man standing in line. She holds out a tissue for him.)","Catherine: Guess.","(The man takes the tissue and nods his head. He blows his nose and hands the tissue back to CATHERINE. She puts it in the evidence sack and moves to the third man standing in line.)","(She holds out the tissue for the man, DWAYNE GALLO. DWAYNE GALLO looks down at the tissue and doesn't move to take it.)","Dwayne Gallo: I don't think so.","(He looks away.)","Catherine: Then I guess I'll just have to look for myself. (CATHERINE moves back to her kit.)","Dwayne Gallo: You want to look at my boogers, Lady, go ahead.","(WARRICK looks up.)","Warrick: Hey!","(DWAYNE GALLO stares at WARRICK. CATHERINE gets the instrument from her kit. She examines DWAYNE GALLO'S nose.)","Catherine: Nose hairs ... are nature's filter. Traps all kinds of things. Dust, dirt ...","(Quick CGI POV of what CATHERINE sees. Attached to the inner nose hairs are colored powder particles. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)","Catherine: ... fingerprint powder.","(DWAYNE GALLO exhales and pulls his head away from CATHERINE.)","Catherine: You did it.","(Quick flashback to DWAYNE GALLO coming out of the cabinet and attacking CATHERINE. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Catherine: You inhaled the fingerprint dust I was using.","(He begins to speak. CATHERINE takes a step back.)","Dwayne Gallo: We went up there to party 'cause the boss was out of town and I saw the z-mover first","(DET. DREW WOLF sees CATHERINE take the step back and he moves in to apprehend DWAYNE GALLO. He pushes DWAYNE GALLO down against the counter and maneuvering his hands behind his back.)","Dwayne Gallo: ... but Teddy ... Teddy ...","(Quick flashback as TEDDY HENDERS sees the box on the floor. He picks it up.)","Teddy Henders: Sweet ... z-mover ...","(DWAYNE GALLO stands and grabs the box out of TEDDY HENDER'S hands.)","Dwayne Gallo: I saw it first.","Teddy Henders: What? ...","(DWAYNE GALLO pushes TEDDY HENDERS back. And like two children, they begin to fight over the box.)","Dwayne Gallo: I saw it first.","Teddy Henders: It's mine.","Dwayne Gallo: I saw it first.","Teddy Henders: I called it.","Dwayne Gallo: You want it, you b*st*rd?!","(DWAYNE GALLO swings the box and hits TEDDY HENDERS on the back of his head. TEDDY HENDERS falls to the floor dead. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Dwayne Gallo: I didn't mean to kill him. It was an accident. I mean, I ...","Officer: Get up.","Dwayne Gallo: I didn't mean ...","(The officer escorts DWAYNE GALLO out of the diner. CATHERINE takes her gloves off.)","Det. Drew Wolf: You all right?","Catherine: Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOTEL - THEATRE -- DAY]","(NICK and SARA return to the crime scene to look for some answers. They slowly make their way up the stage to where the body was discovered.)","Nick: Hey, did you get anything else off that laptop?","Sara: No, a bunch of the files were corrupted. Archie's taking another run at them.","(NICK looks around the stage and out at the audience. He sighs. SARA walks to under the lighting. She looks up. NICK joins her.)","Nick: Victim was paralyzed, couldn't fight back. Kevin Marcus puts the rope around his neck makes a slip knot.","Sara: And ties off the other end on the truss even though there is no way he could have reached it.","Nick: No way he could've reached it.","(SARA turns her back and looks out at the empty audience seats. NICK sighs and takes off his jacket. He kneels down on the ground. SARA turns around and notices NICK.)","Sara: Nick, what are you doing?","Nick: Changing my perspective.","(On his knees underneath the lighting, NICK looks up and tries to grab the lights above. An impossible feat.)","Nick: (groans) Oh, man. Can you imagine going through life at this height?","(SARA doesn't hesitate.)","Sara: They do okay. If the world doesn't adapt itself to you, you ...","Nick: ... adapt yourself to it.","(NICK nods. He looks back up at the lighting above. Then it occurs to him.)","(Quick Perspective to the sound of the wheelchair's motor as the seat begins to rise. He imagines the rope being thrown over the truss. End of POV. Resume to present.)","(Still on his knees, NICK calls back to SARA.)","Nick: Where's Grissom?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOTEL LOBBY -- DAY]","(Off to the side, GRISSOM leans against the column watching the conventioneers mingling in the lobby. In the group across the room, he makes brief eye contact with MELANIE GRACE who is also aware that he's there watching everyone.)","(SARA and NICK approach GRISSOM from behind.)","Sara: Grissom?","(GRISSOM turns around.)","Nick: We know how he did it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY]","(GRISSOM puts something on the table. Presumably it's a sample of the fibers that BRASS is talking about.)","Brass: Your wheelchair was in the booth at the convention. The fibers from the seat cover to your wheelchair match the fibers we found on the victim. Uh, faux, fake sheepskin.","(KEVIN MARCUS looks up at his lawyer sitting next to him.)","Brass: We also know how you got Mr. Ames into the theater.","(GRISSOM takes the single sheet of paper out from his file and puts it on the table in front of them.)","Grissom: Our lab retrieved a final instant message to Lawrence from Danielle.","(GRISSOM PUTS THE E-MAIL DOWN ON THE TABLE. IT READS: LAWRENCE UNKNOWN","T. MORGAS","\"FILES RECOVERED FROM LAWRENCE AMES' LAPTOP","MESSAGE ARCHIVE","<DANIELLE256> If you love Jessica, meet me in the theatre, nine o'clock","(Quick flashback to LAWRENCE AMES on the theatre stage. He turns around and sees KEVIN MARCUS riding up in his wheelchair.)","Lawrence Ames: Mr. Marcus, what are you doing here? (End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Brass: It's enough to convict you. GRISSOM: May I ask a question? How did you get him into the wheelchair? (KEVIN MARCUS laughs to himself.)","Kevin Marcus: Well ... I appealed to his vanity. I told him I needed a brochure model to sell my new chair.","(Quick flashback to the theatre. KEVIN MARCUS is seated in the wheelchair.)","Lawrence Ames: You don't want me near your daughter but you want me to hawk your chairs?","Kevin Marcus: I never said you weren't handsome. I mean, come on -- your face, your build -- a million chairs, \"sold.\"","(KEVIN MARCUS gets up and out of the chair. He urges LAWRENCE AMES into it.)","Kevin Marcus: Great, come on. Hop in. Hop in, let me see you in there. Come on. Model for me.","(LAWRENCE AMES reluctantly sits down in the chair. Flash to white.)","Kevin Marcus: There you go. Wait, let me make an adjustment for you, here.","(KEVIN MARCUS goes behind the chair and while behind LAWRENCE AMES, strikes him on the back of his neck. Quick cut to a CGI POV close up of the skeletal frame breaking between the first and second vertebrae. End of CGI POV.)","Kevin Marcus: (V.O.) I paralyzed him.","(KEVIN MARCUS puts the rope around the man's neck and hanging on to the back of the chair, he hits the switch. The chair rises higher and higher till KEVIN MARCUS is able to reach the lighting truss. He throws the rope over and secures it. He lowers the chair and LAWRENCE AMES slowly hangs. KEVIN MARCUS looks up in success.)","(End of Flashback. Resume to present.)","Kevin Marcus: I couldn't let Jessica marry him. (he shakes his head) Any kid they have ... a fifty percent chance it would be a dwarf. You have to understand that.","(GRISSOM looks at BRASS. Disbelief written all over his face.)","Grissom: It's genetics.","Brass: Mr. Marcus, I think you should know ... your daughter is already pregnant by Lawrence Ames.","(KEVIN MARCUS looks from BRASS to GRISSOM.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE #37","(KEVING MARCUS and his officer escort turn the corner and walk through the hallway. As he passes the waiting room, JESSICA MARCUS stands. She looks at her father. He looks back at her. She turns away. He averts his face and continues to walk the hallway.)","(GRISSOM, SARA and NICK watch.)","Grissom: You know what's really sad? This wasn't just a murder. It was a hate crime.","(SARA turns to look at GRISSOM.)","Grissom: Kevin Marcus hated himself.","(GRISSOM walks alone down the hallway leaving SARA and NICK behind.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. SCHOOL - DAY]","(GRISSOM leans casually against the large column. He looks around and watches the students going about their daily business. An older SIGNING STUDENT (FEMALE) recognizes GRISSOM and walks up to him. She taps him on his shoulder to get his attention. GRISSOM turns around.)","Signing Student (female): (spoken) Dr. Grissom, welcome back. GRISSOM: (signing) It's nice to see you.","Signing Student (female): (signing) Where are you going?","Grissom: (signing) I'm taking a class in lip-reading. (or as GRISSOM says it, \"speech\" reading.)","Signing Student (female): (signing) I think I should tell the teacher that you're a trouble-maker.","Grissom: (signing, laughing and shaking his head) No. See you around.","Signing Student (female): (signing and spoken) Take care of yourself.","(The Signing Student pats him on his shoulder and leaves. GRISSOM smiles. He sticks his hands in his jacket pocket and takes a deep breath. He settles back against the column he's leaning against. The camera slowly pans away.)"],"Show Title":"CSI Crime Scene Investigation","Episode Number":"03x04","Episode Title":"A Little Murder","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_03x13.json","Recap":["When the nine-year-old daughter of Warrick's former mentor is killed in a drive-by shooting , Warrick lets his emotions lead him to assume a suspect is guilty without looking at the evidence. Meanwhile Nick investigates when a man is found dead in a sealed computer room. All of the victim's employees had reason to kill him, but none of them claim to have seen a thing."],"Transcript":["[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","FAST FORWARD TO:","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. SIDEWALK OUT FRONT OF RESIDENCE -- NIGHT]","(A boy and a girl kiss out on the front sidewalk.)","Teenaged Girl: I'm so sorry.","Teenaged Boy: I got to go, baby.","(He pulls away from her and starts to walk away.)","Teenaged Girl: I'll call you tomorrow.","(The camera moves beyond them and into the house next door.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. PHELPS' RESIDENCE -- NIGHT]","(TRAVIS PHELPS plays a video game on the television.)","Matthew Phelps: Get it off. I'm not going to say it again.","Travis Phelps: Dad, just five more minutes and I'll be on level nine.","Matthew Phelps: Now!","(AIMEE PHELPS walks out into the living room in her pajamas.)","Aimee Phelps: Dad! You said I can watch nickelodeon.","Matthew Phelps: You've watched enough tv for tonight. It's time to go to bed.","Aimee Phelps: How come he doesn't have to?","Matthew Phelps: Both of you, bed now!","(AIMEE PHELPS turns around and stomps off to her room. MATTHEW PHELPS walks up to the television set and turns it off.)","Travis Phelps: Dad! You got to save it first!","Matthew Phelps: This game saves it automatically.","(TRAVIS PHELPS stands up to go to bed. He passes by the table and grabs the can of soda.)","Matthew Phelps: Oh, no, no, you know how much sugar's in that thing?","(As MATTHEW PHELPS stands to take the can of soda, gunshots burst in through the living room window.)","Matthew Phelps: Get down!","(MATTHEW PHELPS dives for his son and covers him. The gunfire continues.)","(Outside, tires screech by.)","Matthew Phelps: (shouts) Son, are you all right?","(His son, scared out of his wits, doesn't answer. MATTHEW PHELPS looks up.)","Matthew Phelps: Aimee?","(MATTHEW climbs to his feet and runs to his daughter's room.","Matthew Phelps: Aimee! Aimee! Aim ..","(He turns the corner and sees her room in shambles. The bullets tore through everything. And on the bed is his little girl, dead.)","WHITE FLASH TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. PHELPS RESIDENCE -- NIGHT]","(The lights of the Emergency vehicles parked in the driveway flash in the night. A large crowd of neighbors and curious on-lookers has gathered outside the taped off area.)","(WARRICK and GRISSOM make their way toward BRASS.)","Warrick: Hey.","Grissom: Didn't you grow up in this neighborhood?","Warrick: Yeah, not too far away. My grandmother still lives down the block. Lot of familiar faces.","Man: Hey, Brown, you going to find the guy who did this?","Warrick: We're going to do our jobs.","Brass: Jason Gilbert. Shot through and through. He going to be all right, though.","Warrick: What was he doing here?","Brass: Visiting his girlfriend next door. He hit the deck when the shooting started. Didn't see a car.","Grissom: Drive-by. His girlfriend see anything?","Brass: Nobody saw a thing. Little girl inside wasn't so lucky. Aimee Phelps, age nine.","(WARRICK starts at the name.)","Warrick: Phelps?","Brass: Father operates a rec center down the block.","(WARRICK heads for the house. GRISSOM notes WARRICK'S response.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. PHELPS' RESIDENCE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","(MATTHEW PHELPS holds a doll tightly in his hands. His head is lowered and his eyes closed.)","(WARRICK walks into the room.)","Warrick: What happened, man?","Matthew Phelps: They killed my baby.","(He puts his head down and starts to cry. WARRICK puts a supportive hand on the man's shoulder.)","Warrick: (softly) I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry.","(GRISSOM walks into the house and as he does with any other crime scene, he starts looking around.)","Warrick: I got here as quick as I could. What happened?","Matthew Phelps: Cops said they were aiming at some white kid. I thought I was making a difference.","(MATTHEW PHELPS closes his eyes and starts to cry again.)","Warrick: You are making a difference. I'm living proof. I'm sorry.","(GRISSOM walks further into the house and notes the bullet hole in the bookshelf.)","(Quick CGI POV to: Camera zooms forward taking the path of the bullet, through the cabinet, through the wall, through the pillow, and finally lodging in the little girl. End of CGI POV.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. PHELPS' RESIDENCE - AIMEE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(GRISSOM appears in the bedroom doorway. He walks inside and approaches the little girl's body on the bed. He kneels down next to the body and turns on his flashlight, noting the bullet hole under her chin.)","(GRISSOM also notes the bullet hole in the wall. He stands up and goes to look at it. WARRICK appears in the doorway. He sees the body on the bed. He pulls out his gloves and sits down on the bed. He reaches out to touch the body. GRISSOM turns around and notes WARRICK'S behavior.)","(WARRICK sighs.)","Grissom: You going to be able to handle this?","(WARRICK looks up at GRISSOM.)","Warrick: (grimly) I want this case.","HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. PHELPS' RESIDENCE -- NIGHT]","(WARRICK examines the empty display shelf.)","Warrick: Matt told me his house was broken into about a week ago. They took all of his awards, his medals. Everything in this case. I hope whoever took it, it meant as much to them as it did to him.","(GRISSOM examines the bullet holes in the wall. He sighs.)","Grissom: Well, we're obviously looking for an automatic.","Warrick: No doubt. All this damage.","Grissom: The bullets went through the glass, shed their jackets or disintegrated completely on impact with the wall.","(Quick CGI POV of the bullet hitting the wall and disintegrating. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)","Grissom: All we have left are lead cores, which are of no comparison value.","(GRISSOM and WARRICK look up as the Coroners remove the body.)","Grissom: The only bullet that may help us is inside that little girl.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. HYPERTRIX -- NIGHT]","(NICK and DET. SAM VEGA walk up toward the business' front door.)","Nick: Hypertrix? Sounds like a breakfast cereal.","Vega: Some internet service thing. I stopped thinking about that stuff when I found out my NASDAQ fund was worth less than my son's comic book collection.","Nick: Dot com ... dot bomb.","Vega: The office floor where the DB's located is restricted-- authorized employees only.","Nick: I'll need the access log.","Vega: I already spoke to building security.","(VEGA hands NICK a sheet of paper.)","Nick: Cool.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HYPERTRIX - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(DET. VEGA and NICK enter the office floor. The room is completely white.)","Vega: Night shift started at 6:00 P.M.","Nick: And since then, four people have entered the building, and nobody left.","Vega: Three of them are still breathing.","(They stop in front of a secured door with a card key access. VEGA slips the card key through the reader. The door beeps, then opens.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HYPERTRIX - COMPUTER ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","(The door opens and NICK and DET. VEGA walk in. Immediately, NICK feels the temperature change.)","Nick: Ooh. Hey, David.","(DAVID PHILLIPS is already inside the room kneeling before the body taking the body temperature.)","David Phillips: Nick. Cool enough in here for you?","Nick: I'll manage. Most computers dissipate over two thirds of the energy they consume as heat. A\/C's here for them, not the worker bees.","Vega: Victim's name's Garret Kwan. Job title, CTO.","Nick: Chief Technology Officer. T.O.D.?","(DAVID PHILLIPS looks at the digital temperature gauge. It reads 86.3 degrees F.)","David Phillips: Ambient here's about 65 degrees, which makes core temp drop roughly two degrees per hour. Figure he's been dead five to seven hours.","Nick: Apparent blunt force trauma. Minimal seepage around the wound. No blood on the floor. The paramedics roll him?","David Phillips: Uh, yeah. Said they found him face down, head towards the rack.","Nick: (to VEGA) Any sign of a weapon?","Vega: Nothing obvious. No windows. Only one way in or out.","Nick: Yeah, but there's plenty of places to hide.","(Quick flashback to: Someone hitting GARRETT KWAN over the back of the head from behind. He takes the hit and goes down. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Nick: Okay. One dead boss. Three live employees. I like the odds.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. PHELPS' RESIDENCE -- NIGHT]","(Evidence markers #2 & #3 are put down on the ground next to blood spatter out on the sidewalk.)","Brass: So, Jason Gilbert, the kid who was shot, not too popular in the neighborhood. Just in a fight last week, down the street.","Warrick: Yeah?","Brass: Uh-huh.","Warrick: You saw his girl. She was hot. They're probably macking on her. (pause) Matt said he heard tires screech.","Brass: Mm-hmm.","Warrick: And the bullets went from right to left.","Brass: Uh-huh. (BRASS figures it out and points somewhere to WARRICK'S left.) Over there?","(WARRICK turns his head and they both head in that direction. They find a mailbox overturned.)","Brass: You know, it's a federal offense to be messing with the postal service.","Warrick: Took that corner pretty hard, huh?","Brass: Yeah.","(WARRICK takes a picture of the overturned mailbox. He picks the mailbox up and turns it right-side up.)","Brass: Doesn't that dent look a little high to you? Like a truck or an SUV?","(WARRICK takes a picture of the dent.)","(Quick flashback to: An SUV rounds the corner, tires screeching and hits the mailbox, making the dent and knocking it over. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Warrick: Yeah.","Brass: I'm not just another pretty face, you know.","Warrick: There's a silver paint transfer, though, right here.","(WARRICK points to the portion of the dent where the mailbox made contact with the vehicle.)","Officer: Captain.","Brass: Yeah?","(They both turn around.)","Officer: Just got a call. PJ's tavern, a few block away. Guy was brandishing an automatic weapon. They're holding him at the site.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. P.J.'S TAVERN -- NIGHT]","(The Owner of the Tavern talks to the OFFICER. WARRICK and BRASS approach them.)","Owner: This guy's a punk.","Brass: Hey, tell me what you're telling him.","Owner: (pointing) This guy's no good. He's been in here before, and every time it's trouble, so this time, I exercised my right not to serve him. You know what the little freak does? Lifts up his jacket, and shows me a piece. I tell him to take a hike.","(WARRICK looks over at GENE JAYCOBS who has suddenly taken an interest in WARRICK. His eyes never leave WARRICK.)","Brass: Yeah?","(WARRICK notes with interest the semi-automatic weapon that the OFFICER confiscated from GENE JAYCOBS.)","Owner: Then he proceeds to tell me how I better watch my back, 'cause it wouldn't be the first time tonight he killed somebody.","Brass: No kidding. All right.","Warrick: Jay ... Jacobs?","Owner: No, it's Gene Jaycobs.","Warrick: Gene Jaycobs. I knew that kid. I went to school with him. He got kicked out.","Brass: Okay, let's see what the lad has to say for himself. Thanks a lot.","(WARRICK puts on his latex gloves as he and BRASS head for GENE JAYCOBS.)","Brass: Hey, Gene! What's happening! Uncuff him.","Gene Jaycobs: (to WARRICK) Do I know you?","Warrick: (doesn't answer the question) Put your hands out in front of you.","Gene Jaycobs: (nods) Oh, it's like that, huh?","(WARRICK takes a sample off of GENE JAYCOBS' hands.)","Warrick: I can process this now. It would tell me if you fired a gun within the last couple of hours. But I'm going to take this back to the lab, make you sweat it out.","Brass: Okay, officer, I think someone needs their cuffs put back on.","(The officers put the handcuffs back on GENE JAYCOBS. WARRICK walks away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HYPERTRIX - WHITE OFFICE -- NIGHT]","(TODD BENTON sits down in his chair.)","Todd Benton: I know what that is. You're checking me for blood spatter. I watch the discovery channel. (beat) I found the body, I called the police. Not too smart, if I'm the one who killed the guy.","(TODD BENTON is talking to the wall. Or rather, he's practicing to himself. He pauses and evaluates what he says.)","Todd Benton: (quietly): That's good.","(He stands up a little ... just enough to look over the wall. He sees NICK and DET. VEGA standing on the far end of the room. He sits back down.)","Todd Benton: (muttering) Not too ... not too smart, if I'm the one who ...","(NICK and DET. VEGA approach TODD BENTON'S desk.)","Nick: Mr. Benton, could you stand up for me, please?","(TODD BENTON stands. NICK takes out his ALS and checks for blood. Just as he rehearsed, TODD BENTON runs through his lines.)","Todd Benton: I know what that ... is. I know what that is. You're checking me for blood spatter. I watch the discovery channel. Look, I ... I found the body, I called the police. Not too smart, if I'm the one who killed the guy.","Vega: Thanks for pointing that out. When was the last time you saw Garret Kwan?","Todd Benton: I didn't; not tonight. I was working. Working halfway to carpal tunnel syndrome. So-called ergonomic chairs. Should be a crime, if you ask me. The chairs are ... okay, you know, it's, it's not like my office has a good view of the door. You should be talking to Charlie. Charlie has the good view.","Nick: Charlie?","(TODD BENTON points to the desk behind NICK. NICK turns around and sees the empty desk. He looks back at TODD BENTON.)","Todd Benton: Yeah, okay, yeah, um, Charlie ... Charlie doesn't work here anymore, so that doesn't really help you.","Nick: Could you hold your hands out for me, please?","SHORT TIME CUT TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HYPERTRIX - WHITE OFFICES -- NIGHT]","(NICK is checking out ANDERS MOLYNEAUX. He checks a swab.)","Nick: Pretty easy to see the door to the server farm from here.","Anders Molyneaux: That is a fact. And here's another. I didn't see anything. I was coding. Link. Compile. Debug. All night. The work absorbs me.","Vega: What kind of work?","Anders Molyneaux: My code monitors internet traffic and server load.","Nick: So you make your computer watch other computers that other people are watching?","Anders Molyneaux: Just because you can't see the beauty in data flow doesn't mean it doesn't exist.","Vega: What was your relationship to Garret Kwan?","Anders Molyneaux: I'm employee number seven. Kwan was employee number six. Big brain by reputation, my boss by random chance.","(NICK looks at VEGA. VEGA nods.)","SHORT TIME CUT TO:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HYPERTRIX - WHITE OFFICES -- NIGHT]","(NICK and VEGA question SERENA CHASE.)","Serena Chase: You know, they, um, they confiscated all my murder weapons when I left Microsoft, so I don't know if you'll find anything.","Nick: Yeah, you don't exactly fit the corporate image.","Serena Chase: Well, it's my image, the company doesn't get a say in it.","Vega: Looks like you get special treatment around here.","Serena Chase: Yeah, well, I earn it. I optimize 'net infrastructure. I saved this company $8.3 mill last year. Got a five-figure bonus. And, uh, yes, I did see Garret go into the server farm around 6:00, 6:30.","Nick: So your boss is laying there dead for five and a half hours plus, and you never even notice he's gone.","Serena Chase: Oh ... well, I mean, nobody else did, either. Look, I was, you know ...","Nick: Working.","Serena Chase: That is what we do here.","Nick: (smiles) Right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT]","(ROBBINS goes over AIMEE PHELPS with GRISSOM. )","Robbins: Bullet entered through the throat, severing the spinal column. C2's adjacent to the brain stem. Sever that, respiration shuts down, resulting in almost immediate death.","(ROBBINS picks up the bullet. Camera zooms in on the bullet.)","Robbins: Wood splinters embedded in the jacket.","Grissom: Well, it went through a bookcase. Nine millimeter.","(ROBBINS puts the bullet in the bindle GRISSOM is holding.)","Grissom: Thanks.","(GRISSOM stands and leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- HALLWAY \/ BALLISTICS LAB -- NIGHT","(GRISSOM walks through the hallway carrying the bindle. In the background, there's a muffled gunfire. Water splashes in a tank.)","(GRISSOM rounds the corner and enters the Ballistics Lab where WARRICK and BOBBY DAWSON are testing the gun.)","(BOBBY DAWSON opens the tank and retrieves the bullet. He closes the tank and heads for the scope. He looks up and sees GRISSOM. WARRICK takes off his goggles and walks toward the group.)","(GRISSOM puts the bullet in a container of detergent.","(BOBBY DAWSON takes the bullet out of the container and looks at both of them under the scope. He lines up the bullets and its a match.)","Bobby Dawson: All right. Bingo. Your bullet came from that gun.","Grissom: You're sure.","Bobby Dawson: Yeah, I'm sure.","Warrick: We got him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- NIGHT]","(BRASS questions GENE JAYCOBS.)","Brass: So, Jason Gilbert -- what did he ever do to you?","Gene Jaycobs: Drawing a blank.","Brass: The kid you shot!","Gene Jaycobs: I didn't shoot nobody, man.","Brass: Jason's girlfriend told us that you were practically stalking her. She must have turned you down a hundred times. You didn't like that, did you?","Gene Jaycobs: Is that what she told you?","Brass: Yeah.","Gene Jaycobs: Lying bitch! I found that gun!","(Quick flashback to: GENE JAYCOBS picking up the gun from the ground.)","Gene Jaycobs: Damn!","Gene Jaycobs: (V.O.) Gun was jammed, I cleared it.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Brass: You cleared it, all right-- into Mr. Phelps's home, killing his daughter!","Gene Jaycobs: (stands up) No, it was the last bullet.","Brass: What are you talking about? You threatened a bartender with an empty gun?","Gene Jaycobs: He didn't know that. I can show you where I found it: Alleyway behind Washington Avenue ...","[SCENE_BREAK]","[OBSERVATION ROOM -- CONTINUOUS]","Gene Jaycobs: (over speaker) ... Next to a big yellow dumpster.","Warrick: Oh, come on. That's it? That's his genius story?","Grissom: We only found a small amount of GSR on his hands. Could have been transfer from just picking up the murder weapon.","Warrick: He's lying.","(GRISSOM turns to look at WARRICK.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. GENE JAYCOBS' RESIDENCE -- DAY]","(WARRICK exits the residence. Other Officers leave carrying boxes of stuff. WARRICK meets up with GRISSOM.)","Warrick: Our shooter isn't only a liar, he's a thief. Found tons of electronic equipment in there, still in the boxes.","Grissom: Well, either he's buying in bulk, or that stuff's hot.","Warrick: No guns or ammo. But I do have his car keys.","(GRISSOM and WARRICK walk down the stairs to the car. They unlock the car. The car alarm chirps.)","(GRISSOM looks inside the car.)","Grissom: I'm afraid the only bullets in here are silver bullets.","(WARRICK looks outside the car for damage.)","Warrick: I may have something here. The shooter's vehicle took out a mailbox. The dent's in the right spot, and the car is the right silver color","Grissom: You got any paint transfer?","Warrick: Nothing visible.","Grissom: Call auto detail. We'll tow it back to the lab.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]","(DAVID PHILLIPS goes over the preliminary findings with NICK.)","David Phillips: Blow came from an object roughly rectangular in shape, resulting in a depressed fracture of the parietal bone,","(DAVID points to the wound at the back of the deceased's head.)","(Quick flashback to: Someone standing behind GARRET KWAN, hits him on the back of the head, he falls to the ground.)","(Quick CGI POV to: Camera zooms into the wound and to the skull where blood seeps through.)","David Phillips: (V.O.) ... with radiating linear fractures extending outward from the point of impact.","(End of CGI POV. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","David Phillips: Based on the fracture pattern, I'd say it was a single strike to the head.","Nick: Explains the lack of spatter at the scene.","David Phillips: First hit's free.","Nick: Killer knew what he was doing.","(DAVID turns around to pick up something he found. He shows it to NICK.)","David Phillips: And, uh, take a look at this. Black plastic. Found it in the wound.","Nick: Possible transfer from a murder weapon?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) -- DAY","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. 26th STREET RECREATION CENTER -- DAY]","(WARRICK walks over to MATTHEW PHELPS who is painting the side of the building.)","Warrick: Hey.","(MATTHEW PHELPS stops painting and turns around.)","Matthew Phelps: I heard you got the shooter.","Warrick: It's not that simple.","Matthew Phelps: You think it's him?","Warrick: We got all our guys on this, Matt, all right?","Matthew Phelps: Yeah.","(MATTHEW PHELPS turns around and resumes painting. WARRICK watches as a group of kids jog by wearing football uniforms.)","Warrick: You still using them same old uniforms?","(He stops painting and turns around to talk with WARRICK.)","Matthew Phelps: That stuff's expensive, man.","Warrick: Yeah.","Matthew Phelps: But we managed to get the basketball court tarmacked, thanks to contributions from folk like you.","Warrick: Hey, I ain't stupid. I know where I came from. I wouldn't be anywhere, if it weren't for this place.","Matthew Phelps: Well, you was always going places. You just lacked discipline.","Warrick: Still do. I don't recognize this ugly-ass gang symbol.","Matthew Phelps: You know, it's, it's hard to keep up with it all. I just don't know anymore. What with all the break-ins ...","Warrick: Break-ins?!","Matthew Phelps: Rec center's van was stolen a couple days ago. How am I going to tell these kids that they can't play in the semifinals 'cause I got no way of getting them there?","Warrick: I'll look into it for you, all right? We'll get them there. When's Aimee's service?","Matthew Phelps: Wednesday.","Warrick: Matt, if there's anything I can do ...","Matthew Phelps: Just get me five minutes alone with the shooter. Just five minutes. I know it's not going to bring Aimee back ... but I can't sleep at night, knowing that he's still breathing out there. Can you?","(WARRICK'S cell phone rings. He answers it.)","Warrick: Brown.","Grissom: (on phone) Jaycobs has an alibi.","Warrick: What?","Grissom: (on phone) Meet me in PD.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY]","(WARRICK and MATTHEW PHELPS walk into the Police Department.)","Grissom: Mr. Phelps, it's good to see you again, sir. (to WARRICK) Would you excuse us a moment? Warrick.","(They walk to the side.)","Grissom: What's he doing here?","Warrick: If Jaycobs is going to slip through our fingers, I need someone else to explain to him what went wrong.","Grissom: This was not a good idea.","(WARRICK looks over and sees a man standing in BRASS' office.)","Warrick: That's supposed to be his alibi?","Grissom: David Artiss. Says he was with our suspect the night of the drive-by. Says he dropped him off at PJ's tavern right before we picked him up. Says he also saw him find the mac.","Warrick: Clothes he slept in, bloodshot eyes. The guy's a junkie, Grissom. You can see it, I can see it, and the jury will see it.","(BRASS joins WARRICK and GRISSOM.)","Brass: DA listened to the alibi's statement. He knows it's questionable, but, uh ...","Warrick: But what?","Brass: Half an hour before the house was shot up, Jaycobs and his alibi were at the sports chalet.","Warrick: Come on.","Brass: Salesperson remembered seeing both of them. They bought a baseball bat. Artiss even has the receipt.","Warrick: Sports chalet is ten minutes away. That's no alibi.","Brass: I don't know. After what the DA heard, he said he's not going to file charges. Doesn't want the clock to tick.","Warrick: So that's it? As easy as that, he walks.","(The hallway door opens and GENE JAYCOBS walks out. MATTHEW PHELPS stands off to the side and sees him walk out into the hallway.)","Brass: Look at it this way -- you have more time to build your case.","Matthew Phelps: Is that him? Why are they letting him go? Why are they letting him go?! What are you guys doing?","(MATTHEW PHELPS sees GENE JAYCOBS and completely looses it. WARRICK stands in the middle and holds the man off. He pushes MATTHEW PHELPS out of the hallway.)","Warrick: Not here. C'mon.","Matthew Phelps: What are you doing?! He killed my daughter!","Warrick: C'mon. We're going to cool off.","(WARRICK gets MATTHEW PHELPS out of the hallway.)","Brass: (to GRISSOM) They're going to put Jaycobs in protective custody to avoid repercussions in the community. Where are we going to put Warrick?","(GRISSOM turns to look at BRASS.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - AUDIO\/VISUAL LAB]","(ARCHIE and NICK walk into the lab carrying boxes of evidence. They put the boxes on the table.)","Archie: ... Cool-looking office. It was kind of fun being out in the field. Pulling drives, collecting evidence ... flashing I.D. I think I got a flair for it.","Nick: You bucking for a promotion?","Archie: Not bucking ... nudging. You know people put their lives on these hard drives?","Nick: Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm counting on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - AUDIO\/VISUAL LAB]","(ARCHIE works on the hard drives taken from HYPERTRIX. NICK goes through a palm pilot. He finds a photograph of SERENA CHASE.)","Nick: Hey, Arch.","(ARCHIE turns around to see the photo on the palm pilot.)","Archie: (smiles) Wow! Serena. Can defrag my hard drive anytime.","(NICK smiles.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM -- DAY]","(NICK holds out the photographs taken from SERENA CHASE'S palm pilot. She looks at them and smiles.)","Nick: Are these, uh, business e-mails? I'm a little confused.","Serena Chase: No, um ... this is actually harmless fun, so...","Vega: Court documents Garret Kwan was suing you for sexual harassment.","Serena Chase: Are you, um, familiar with the term \"spurious\"?","Vega: Are you familiar with the term \"murder suspect\"?","Serena Chase: I was just trying to let him know I was available, okay? Low pressure. The guy freaked out, he thought I was trying to get him into some bogus lawsuit, so he preempted me with one of his own. It's called a scare tactic.","Nick: Scared to lose your job? Your five-figure bonus?","Vega: Scared enough to kill him?","Serena Chase: Okay, look, I was flirting with the guy. I will e-mail you with the number from my lawyer.","(She stands up and leaves the room.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY]","(WARRICK searches GENE JAYCOBS' car. He looks inside the front seat. Frustrated that he's not finding anything, he throws the cup down and slams the front passenger door shut.)","(WARRICK checks out the back seat. He hits the back seat and hears a hollow sound. He looks under the seat and finds a bag full of items. He pulls the bag out. He opens the bag and finds the missing trophies from MATTHEW PHELPS' house.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT]","(WARRICK enters the lab carrying the bag of tropies.)","Warrick: (angry) This guy's been in Matt's house.","Grissom: What is this?","(WARRICK puts the bag on GRISSOM'S lab table and opens it. He starts pulling out trophies and showing them to GRISSOM.)","Warrick: Matt's team won this three years ago. This trophy was given to the rec center last year. I found all this stuff in Jaycobs' car.","(GRISSOM stands up.)","Grissom: Well, if this is evidence, it needs to be tagged and catalogued.","Warrick: This is the same guy who shot Matt's daughter in the head. He's walking around laughing at us.","Grissom: Can you prove that?","Warrick: (yelling) What is this? I've been putting guys away like this for years. And now that it matters, it's like you're holding me back here.","(He's getting louder. GREG and another office worker come out of their labs to see what's going on.)","Grissom: The job, Warrick, is to process evidence. Objectively, and without prejudice.","Warrick: I'm so tired of hearing that. I've heard it a million times. I can't be like you. I'm not a robot, okay?","(This surprises GRISSOM.)","Warrick: I actually care about these people.","(JACQI FRANCO in her lab pushes her chair to see what's going on.)","(GRISSOM doesn't argue with WARRICK.)","Grissom: You know what? You're not working on this case anymore. I'll have another assignment for you tomorrow.","Warrick: Keep it.","(WARRICK picks up the bag of trophies and leaves the lab. He pushes the mail cart aside as he storms out the hallway.)","(GRISSOM watches WARRICK leave.)","(LAB TECHS head back into their labs as WARRICK walks by. GRISSOM turns his head and looks at BOBBY DAWSON in the ballistics lab.)","Grissom: Where were we?","Bobby Dawson: At a dead end.","Grissom: Go back to work.","(Camera holds on GRISSOM.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB \/ HALLWAY]","(NICK walks through the hallway carrying a file folder. GREG leans on the door frame and calls out to him.)","Greg: Hey, Stokes?","Nick: Yeah?","(GREG motions to him.)","Greg: We got to talk.","Nick: Hey, did you I.D. that scraping from my vic's head wound yet?","Greg: Yeah, yeah, it's a common plastic, polyethylterephthalate -- P.E.T.-- Used in everything from garbage bags to magnetic tape to floppy disks.","Nick: Okay, thanks.","(NICK turns to walk away. GREG stops him.)","Greg: Yeah, but that's not what I wanted to talk about.","Nick: What, then?","(GREG motions for NICK to come into his lab. Amused, NICK steps forward.)","Greg: Look, I thought that we had a relationship. What are you doing taking Archie out into the field, instead of me?","Nick: (laughs) It's the right tool for the right job, man. You have to understand the world you're investigating. Hey, Archie.","Archie: (lifts his head) Yeah?","Nick: Hey, what's that star trek episode where the guy's got the forehead thingy, and the time portal ... ?","Archie: In Classic, TNG, DS9, Voyager or Enterprise?","(NICK looks back at GREG.)","Greg: Point taken.","(GREG slips back into his lab.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - AUDIO\/VISUAL LAB -- CONTINUOUS]","Archie: ... Or were you thinking about Farscape?","Nick: I have no idea what you are talking about.","Archie: It doesn't matter. Look, I got something to show you here. I found this on Anders' computer.","Nick: What is this, a video game?","Archie: No, it's actually an FRPG: \"Fantasy role-playing game.\" You see, players use avatars to represent themselves in a fantasy world. There's Serena, Todd, and Kwan in this alternate universe conjuring up a gateway, which summons a beast-like Anders, who decapitates Kwan.","Nick: You know a lot about this stuff, don't you?","Archie: Mm-hmm.","Nick: You got to get a girlfriend.","(NICK leaves. ARCHIE turns around to look at NICK.)","Archie: You first.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HYPERTRIX]","(NICK and VEGA question ANDERS MOLYNEAUX.)","Anders Molyneaux: It was merely a game. An entertainment.","Nick: Nah, it's more like a place where you can play god, right? Maybe treat people the way you wish you could treat them in real life?","Vega: Virtual murder is not quite as satisfying as the real thing, is it?","Nick: You look a little uncomfortable, Mr. Molyneaux.","Anders Molyneaux: This office is always uncomfortable. Ventilation sucks. I put Kwan in my game because I was upset.","Nick: Upset about what?","Anders Molyneaux: I was designing characters for a new multi-player Sim ... on company time. Kwan found out ... somehow. Man always seems to be one step ahead of his underlings.","Nick: How?","Anders Molyneaux: If I'd known, he would've been working for me. In this instance, he informed the board. Unauthorized use of bandwidth. Nearly got me fired.","Vega: But you didn't kill him.","Anders Molyneux: No. Am I sorry he's gone? No.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. SIDE STREET -- DAY]","(GRISSOM stands up. He's inside the yellow trash bin. He jumps out of the trash bin and looks at the ground. Driving up on the side road is a police car.)","(He looks up and sees the Police Car stop on the street. The officers exit the car.)","Grissom: What's going on, fellas?","Officer: Possible burglary. Homeowner's on vacation. Neighbor called it in last night. Just getting around to it. (to the other officer) I may have to climb over.","(GRISSOM watches the officers. he looks at the driveway gate and pushes it open.)","(The driveway gate opens startling the officers. GRISSOM looks at them from the other side of the gate. The officers walk in. They look at the large broken window.)","(GRISSOM notices something. One of the iron points on the gate is broken.)","(Quick flashback to: A car drives by and a gun is tossed out its window. The gun hits the iron point, bending it and breaking the gun at the same time. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","(GRISSOM starts looking around. On the ground he finds a bullet with a dent on it.)","(The officer notices GRISSOM and calls out to him.)","Officer: What have you got?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - PRINT LAB]","(An evidence bindle hits the table.)","Grissom: Stovepipe. Possibly jammed in our murder weapon. Never fired, never exposed to the heat.","Jacqui Franco: And you're thinking there might be a recoverable print.","Grissom: Yes.","Jacqui Franco: Dare to dream.","(GRISSOM turns and heads out the lab.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB]","(NICK pulls down a box labeled: KWAN, GARRET \/ 003-4851. He opens the box and goes through the bags inside. He takes out a CD disk container. He opens it and looks at it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - AUDIO\/VISUAL LAB]","(ARCHIE and NICK go through the disks.)","Archie: Well, you were right. Kwanspy. On every employee's computer. Program runs in the background, invisible. Copies documents, e-mails, every keystroke.","Nick: Then transfers the data to Kwan's machine. Big brother.","Archie: Company owns a network, company owns what's on it. Sick, but legal.","Nick: Well, knowledge is power. Kwan had his computer set up to auto-burn a new disk every night-- here. This was made the night of the murder. If we found out o was away from their desk at the time of death ... we got our killer.","(NICK hands ARCHIE a disk. ARCHIE runs it and looks at the data.)","Archie: Nick, based on these time stamps, everybody in that office was working when Garret Kwan was killed.","Nick: Great. We just eliminated all of our suspects.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. OFFICE -- NIGHT]","(WARRICK is alone in an office. He's on the telephone.)","Warrick: Assistant District Attorney Kelly's office, please. This is Warrick Brown. (pause) Oh, he's not in? Okay. Well, maybe you can help me out. I, uh, I have Gene Jaycobs' personal belongings, and I need to get them returned to him. I need his relocated address. (pause) Yeah, I know it's not standard procedure but, uh, I missed him at lockup, and I'm going to be in hot water if I don't get this stuff back to him, so ... good.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS MOTEL -- NIGHT]","(WARRICK goes to the motel.)","(Cut to: WARRICK makes his way toward the room door. He knocks on the door to room #12 and waits for GENE JAYCOBS to open the door.)","(He pounds on the door. The door opens.)","Warrick: It's just me. Nobody here. Got no heater.","Gene Jaycobs: Well, w-hat, what, what can I do for you, Mr. Brown?","Warrick: I just thought I'd come by and let you know we're going to get you for robbery, if not murder. By the time you get to lockup, every roughneck in the joint is going to know you off'ed a nine-year-old little girl.","(GENE JAYCOBS snickers.)","Gene Jaycobs: You know, in school, you were a nerd, Brown. You were, remember? Every kid there used to beat your ass. Thick glasses, hand-me-down clothes, always with a book in your hand, like you were better than everybody else. Nigga, I ain't scared of you.","Warrick: Want to step outside, then?","(WARRICK backs out of the room.)","(GENE JAYCOBS looks at WARRICK, then slams the door shut.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DESERT PALM HOSPITAL - NIGHT]","(GENE JAYCOBS is in the hospital room. He's beaten up pretty badly.)","Dr. Lewis: Fractured nasal bone, fracture of the right zygomatic arch extending into the maxilla. Fracture of the right anterior ribs...","Brass: (to phone) Assistant D.A.'s office, please.","Dr. Lewis: Who found him?","Brass: Motel manager called it in. No weapon was found at the scene.","Dr. Lewis: Thank god his assailant only used his fists. Given the severity of force, anything else would have killed him","Brass: Thank you, doctor. (to phone) Yeah, this is Jim Brass. I'm at Desert Palm Hospital. I'm looking at a half dead Gene Jaycobs. Now, only two people knew where he was. That was you and me. You want to tell me how the hell this could happen?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- LAB]","(GRISSOM throws a stack of photographs on the table in front of WARRICK. He doesn't say anything. WARRICK picks up the photos of GENE JAYCOBS' injuries. He's in shock.)","Warrick: What, you think I did this?","Grissom: I don't jump to conclusions.","Warrick: Well, I didn't. (pause) I'd just to shake the hand of the guy that did, though.","Grissom: Well, you may get a chance. (GRISSOM puts the police report in front of WARRICK.) Your new assignment. Check out the pattern in the center of this contusion. It's probative.","(WARRICK picks up the photograph of the indention in GENE JAYCOB'S injury.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HYPERTRIX - COMPUTER ROOM]","(NICK and DET. VEGA stand in the room.)","Nick: No suspect. No motive. No weapon.","Vega: You don't just spontaneously develop a fatal head wound. Somebody had to kill him.","Nick: A guy goes into a room with no windows and no doors. How does he get out?","Vega: I don't know.","Nick: Same way he got in. You know, there is one thing that comes in and goes out of here all the time.","(NICK looks up at the vent.)","Nick: Cold air.","(Cut to: NICK climbs up the ladder and checks out the vent.)","Vega: Anything?","Nick: Just black P.E.T., As far as the eye can see. (Camera zooms in to a tear in the lining.) And a possible transfer.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. PHELPS' RESIDENCE -- DAY]","(WARRICK questions MATTHEW PHELPS.)","Warrick: Where were you last night?","Matthew Phelps: Right here, man.","Warrick: I'm going to need to see your hands.","(TRAVIS walks out into the hallway to see what's going on.)","Travis Phelps: Dad?","Matthew Phelps: Trav, go to your room.","(TRAVIS goes back into his room. MATTHEW PHELPS holds out his hands.)","Warrick: Other side.","(He flips his hands over. On his hand is a ring. WARRICK pulls out the photograph with the injury on it.)","Matthew Phelps: Look, you went there too. That's how I knew where to go.","Warrick: But I never touched the guy.","Matthew Phelps: (yells) He didn't kill your daughter!","Warrick: If he's guilty, we're going to put him away.","Matthew Phelps: Yeah, yeah. And then what? Lawyers? Trial? You wait ten years for somebody else's definition of Justice. And they always put the criminal's rights before the victim's. The first good night's sleep I had was last night.","Warrick: Eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind? You taught me that.","Matthew Phelps: My perspective has changed. Aimee's dead.","Warrick: I've got no choice here. My hands are tied. I got to let them bring you in.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. PHELPS' RESIDENCE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(OFFICERS escort MATTHEW PHELPS out of the house. Gathered outside are friends and neighbors. MATTHEW PHELPS looks and sees his son, TRAVIS off in the distance.)","Matthew Phelps: It's going to be okay, Trav. I love you, son. (to WARRICK) Look .... make sure they take care of him, all right?","Warrick: Of course.","Matthew Phelps: All right.","(The OFFICERS put MATTHEW PHELPS into the car. The car leaves.)","(An OFFICER reports to WARRICK.)","Officer: Sir. You, um, asked us to check on a stolen minivan?","Warrick: Yeah.","Officer: You know, from the rec center? We located it.","Warrick: Great, thanks.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. ROAD -- DAY]","(Thunder rolls in the distance. WARRICK approaches the abandoned rec center van. WARRICK puts his gloves on. Inside the back of the van, he sees it immediately. empty bullet casings litter the back seat floor. He picks one up.)","(GRISSOM checks out the outside of the van.)","Warrick: Hey.","Grissom: Blue paint transfer. Possibly from your mailbox? I found a jammed nine millimeter cartridge in the backyard of a house a few doors down from where Jaycobs said he found the gun. Backyard of a house that had been broken into. You said he was a thief, right?","Warrick: Yeah.","Grissom: See, I think he lied about where he found the gun so we wouldn't know he was breaking into houses. Apart from that, I think he was telling the truth.","(Quick flashback to: GENE JAYCOBS and friend breaks the glass window of the house they're going to rob.)","(A van speeds by and tosses the gun over the fence and into the yard.)","(The gun hits the ground. It catches their attention. GENE JAYCOBS picks the gun up.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Grissom: Shall we?","(GRISSOM takes a sample of the blue paint on the outside of the van.)","(WARRICK checks out the front of the car. On the car floor, he finds an abandoned lollipop stick. He picks it up and looks at it.)","Warrick: Grissom.","(WARRICK shows the lollipop stick to GRISSOM.)","Warrick: Matt used to have this really harsh rule about no eating in the van.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EVENING]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HYPERTRIX]","(DET. VEGA knocks on the door to the office.)","Hugo Karlin: Yeah?","(DET. VEGA and NICK walk in. HUGO KARLIN stands on top of a ladder, his head in the ceiling.)","Vega: Hugo Karlin?","Hugo Karlin: Yeah, uh, you know what? You guys aren't supposed to be back here. This is a restricted ...","Vega: Detective Vega. LVPD. This is Nick Stokes from the crime lab.","(He closes the ceiling and gets down from the ladder. NICK checks out the man's toolbelt as he walks down the ladder.)","Hugo Karlin: Uh, hey. What's up?","Nick: Interesting choice of words.","Vega: Facility management says you've been working on the air conditioning above hypertrix.","(HUGO KARLIN puts the ladder away. He turns around.","Hugo Karlin: Yeah, well, I work this whole building. That's a lot of companies. I-I don't really keep track of the names, I just fix the air.","(NICK sees the man's hammer.)","Nick: You'd remember this company. It's where you killed a guy ... with that.","(Quick flashback to: HUGO KARLIN works on the ceiling vents. As he works, the hammer on his tool belt gets loose and falls down through the vent and hits GARRET KWAN on the head. He falls to his knees on impact. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","(VEGA turns to NICK.)","Vega: One in a million shot.","Nick: It happens.","Hugo Karlin: It was an accident. You got to believe me. I, I always keep my hammer right here. I don't even know how it came loose.","Nick: Oh, it just came loose, huh?","Hugo Karlin: Yes.","Nick: Okay. Well, then how'd you pick it up?","Hugo Karlin: Um, the same way I close the duct cover. (He goes to the shelf and pulls out a long tool.) Call this my grabby tool.","(Quick flashback to: HUGO KARLIN uses his grabby tool to pick up the hammer which is next to GARRET KWAN'S body. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Hugo Karlin: I made it myself. You know, people never notice me when I'm around here, and I just figured that if I covered my tracks, this time wouldn't be any different.","(NICK holds out his hand. HUGO KARLIN gives NICK his grabby tool.)","Nick: (to VEGA) Why don't you, uh, show him our grabby tool?","Vega: You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent ...","(DET. VEGA handcuffs HUGO KARLIN.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HYPERTRIX - MAIN COMPUTER OFFICES -- NIGHT]","(OFFICERS escort HUGO KARLIN out of the building. DET. VEGA and NICK follow. All the employees watch as they leave.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB HALLWAY -- NIGHT]","(GREG is leaning against the door talking with a lab tech. She's giggling at something he says.)","(GRISSOM and WARRICK walk down the hallway toward him. GREG turns around.)","Grissom: Greg. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?","Greg: (to the girl) The world may never know.","(The girl giggles. She stops when she looks at GRISSOM. GREG turns back. WARRICK hands the evidence baggie to GREG.)","Warrick: Just see if you can get some DNA off of this stick, would you?","(When GREG'S back is turned, the girl walks away.)","Greg: All work and no play make Greg a dull boy ...","(GREG turns around and she's not there.)","Grissom: All play and no work make Greg an unemployed boy.","(JACQUI FRANCO comes out of her print lab.)","Jacqui Franco: Hey, Grissom. Your stovepipe ...","(GRISSOM and WARRICK follow her back to the lab.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - PRINT LAB -- NIGHT]","(The database runs the print comparison.)","Jacqui Franco: Pulled a good thumbprint. Happens sometimes when they load the magazine.","(Quick flashback to: A gun is being loaded, a person's thumb presses the bullet into the magazine. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","(The search results appear on screen.)","Warrick: Tyrel Constantine. Arrested last June for joyriding. Date of birth '87? This guy's a juvie. He's only 15.","(GRISSOM looks at WARRICK. WARRICK looks back at GRISSOM. He shakes his head and leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY]","(BRASS questions TYREL CONSTANTINE. TYREL'S advocate\/lawyer and GRISSOM are also in the room.)","Brass: So, Tyrel, let me get this straight. You didn't know Jason Gilbert?","Tyrel Constantine: I never heard of him.","Brass: So you shot someone you didn't know?","Tyrel Constantine: Who says I shot anyone?","Grissom: That would be me.","(TYREL looks over at GRISSOM.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY]","(WARRICK questions MATTHEW PHELPS.)","Matthew Phelps: Tyrel Constantine. Oh, yeah, I knew him. He used to hang out at the rec center.","Warrick: He used to?","Matthew Phelps: Until he lost his privileges.","Warrick: So you threw him out?","Matthew Phelps: He was smoking weed on the field. Showing up late to practice. Starting fights.","Warrick: When did this happen?","Matthew Phelps: A couple weeks ago.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(GRISSOM puts the baggie with the lollipop stick on the table in front of TYREL CONSTANTINE.)","Grissom: We found your saliva on this lollipop stick in Mr. Phelps's van, and we found your thumbprint on this bullet.","(He holds up the evidence baggie with the bullet inside.)","Brass: You stole a van from the rec center, didn't you?","Grissom: The van wasn't hot-wired, so I think you knew where Mr. Phelps kept his keys.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","Matthew Phelps: Why, why, why are you asking me about Tyrel?","Warrick: The vehicle that was used in that drive-by was the van that was stolen from your rec center.","(This news surprises MATTHEW PHELPS. WARRICK nods his head.)","Matthew Phelps: Oh, god.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","Brass: Look, we know you didn't mean to shoot anyone. It was a stray bullet that hit Aimee Phelps.","Tyrel Constantine: I just wanted to scare him.","Brass: Scare who? Jason Gilbert?","Tyrel Constantine: No. Mr. Phelps.","Lawyer: That's it, we're done here.","(The LAWYER picks up her things and stands up.)","Brass: No, wait, Tyrel, wait. Talk to me.","Tyrel Constantine: (louder) They need to know it was an accident. He shouldn't have thrown me out. Pushed me around like that in front of my friends. I just wanted to shake him up.","(Quick flashback to: TYREL CONSTANTINE drives the van and fires the gun out the window. He runs into the mail box as he makes the turn. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Grissom: So Jason Gilbert was just collateral damage.","Tyrel Constantine: I was driving pretty fast, didn't look where I shot.","Brass: What about Aimee?","(TYREL CONSTANTINE shakes his head and looks down..)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(MATTHEW PHELPS is being escorted back to his cell. As he passes the hallway, the door to the other interrogation room opens and TYREL CONSTANTINE walks out. MATTHEW PHELPS stops and watches. TYREL CONSTANTINE turns around and looks at MATTHEW PHELPS as they lead him down the hallway.)","Matthew Phelps: (to WARRICK) I gave up on him. If I hadn't ...","Warrick: He gave up on himself.","(MATTHEW PHELPS looks at WARRICK. The OFFICER comes by and leads MATTHEW PHELPS away.)","(Cut to GRISSOM watches WARRICK from the doorway. WARRICK looks at GRISSOM.)","Warrick: (nods) I blew it.","Grissom: Yeah. But you're not the one who's paying for it.","(GRISSOM turns and walks down the hallway leaving WARRICK standing there.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. 26th STREET REC CENTER - DAY]","(WARRICK walks the pathway to the 26th street recreation center. OFFICERS are already there locking the doors and putting signs on them.)","(The large sign on the main door reads: \"Recreation Center will be closed until further notice.\" The OFFICERS chain the doors.)","(WARRICK watches as the rec center, that had done so much good for him, closes.)","(Camera holds on WARRICK.)"],"Show Title":"CSI Crime Scene Investigation","Episode Number":"03x13","Episode Title":"Random Acts of Violence","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_04x02.json","Recap":["When the lead suspects in Grissom's serial killer case are murdered, Grissom suspects an inside job. Grissom and Brass are at odds when Grissom suggests it was a cop. Catherine and Sara investigate what happened to a college football fan when his bloated body is found in a bathtub."],"Transcript":["[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","Narrator: Previously on CSI:","[Scenes from 4X01: Assume Nothing]","[INT. CSI - CONFERENCE ROOM]","(GRISSOM goes over the case and evidence with the team.)","[GRISSOM]","(Cut to: The HUSBAND has the knife against the WIFE'S neck while a gun is held to the back of his neck.)","Grissom: You got a husband-and-wife serial team killing couples.","[CATHERINE]","Catherine: Mr. Dominguez was forced to kill his wife for the promise of freedom.","(Cut to: Scenes of: * The knife against ALICE DOMINGEZ' throat. * Cameron and Mandy Klinefeld hold gun to MR. DOMINGUEZ' back as they walk toward his car.)","[SARA]","Sara: They were never going to let him go.","(CAMERON KLINEFELD knocks MR. LAGGERMAN out and MANDY KLINEFELD cuts his throat and her hand with the knife.)","[KENNY RICHMOND with NICK]","Kenny Richmond (valet): Murder central?","(Scenes of: * MR. LAGGERMAN in the ice machine * WENDY LAGGERMAN with her throat cut in the motel room.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[JUDGE SLATER'S COURTROOM]","(BRASS and GRISSOM talk with the Court Clerk.)","(Scenes of: * CAMERON and MANDY KLINEFLED in the casino * SARA picks up the knife from the floor of the back seat of the SUV.)","Brass: We are this close to busting a pair of serial killers, and the judge won't issue a warrant?","Stuart Gardner (court clerk): Hey, I'm just the messenger.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[JUDGE SLATER'S OFFICE]","Judge Slater: The affidavit is standing.","Grissom: You've signed warrants for less.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. HOTEL - CABANA -- DAY]","Cameron Klinefeld: \"Love is not love\".","Grissom: Love is conditional.","Cameron Klinefeld: For most people.","Grissom: But not for you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - A\/V LAB]","(NICK reviews the security video with CATHERINE.)","Nick: Then she stuck her tongue in this jerk.","(Cut to: CATHERINE kneels over the body on the table to get a swab sample.)","Catherine: Rifkin's ear -- chances are she stuck it in Mr. Dominguez's ear, too.","(Quick CGI POV of the swab in the ear.)","Grissom: Should get a warrant.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Scenes of: * The Rifkins and the Klinefelds passing lime wedges between them. * GRISSOM scoops up bloodied ice from the ice machine.)","[INT. KLINEFELD'S RESIDENCE - NIGHT]","Brass: Mr. and Mrs. Klinefeld, Las Vegas police.","(BRASS walks into the KLINEFELD'S residence and finds MANDY KLINEFLED dead.)","Brass: We got a problem. Somebody got to our killers before we did.","(GRISSOM walks into another room and finds CAMERON KLINEFELD dead with a bullet in his chest.)","WHITE FLASH TO END OF PREVIOUSLY ON","(Quick CGI POV of: Deep within the bullet wound track, the camera twists around and backs up out from the wound to show CAMERON KLINEFELD dead.)","[INT. KLINEFELD RESIDENCE -- NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","(BRASS looks down at MANDY KLINEFELD on the ground. He pulls out his weapon.)","Brass: Are you carrying?","Grissom: (looking around) No.","Brass: Then get the hell out of here while I secure the room.","(GRISSOM backs out of the room and steps out of the house.)","(BRASS starts moving from room to room to check if anyone is there. He walks down the hallway. He checks the room. He goes to the back of the house. He checks the back rooms.)","(He doesn't find anyone.)","Brass: (V.O.) (to phone) This is Brass.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[STAIRS TO GROUND FLOOR]","(BRASS walks down the stairs to the ground floor.)","Brass: (to phone) Yeah. I'm at 11546 Blackbird lane. Got two gunshot victims. Send rescue. There's no rush.","(He hangs up the phone and walks out of the house to join GRISSOM. GRISSOM stands on the front watching a couple of men leaning on their car.)","Grissom: Are those your guys?","Brass: Yeah, they're UC.","Grissom: How long they been sitting on the house?","Brass: Oh, about the time that Judge Slater didn't sign the first warrant.","Grissom: Two undercover guys outside. Two dead bodies inside.","Brass: Makes you feel a little paranoid, huh?","Grissom: Not paranoid enough.","SMASH CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. KLINEFELD RESIDENCE -- DAY]","(The CORONER'S van drives up the road and pulls over to the side. DAVID gets out of the vehicle and heads toward the house.)","(Across the road, GRISSOM and BRASS question the two Undercover officers assigned to keep an eye on the KLINEFELD'S.)","Bill Nowlins: All right, Captain. What do you want to know.","Brass: So, you guys been here the whole time?","Bill Nowlins: Almost.","Brass: What happened?","Bill Nowlins: Tell him.","Jesse Commons: Around 7:00, there was a 444 call ...","(Quick flashback to: [THAT NIGHT] The two officers are in their cars when they hear the dispatch over the radio.)","Dispatch: (over radio) ... citizen reports officer down. 2529 Harmon Hill. All units in the vicinity respond.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Bill Nowlins: We met up with a couple black-and-whites. U.T.L.","Grissom: W ... what is that?","Brass: Unable to locate.","Jesse Commons: False alarm. We came right back. Observed no activity in the house until you guys got here.","Grissom: You know we're going to need to see your guns.","Jesse Commons: Why would we off two scumbags when we know you're coming back with a warrant?","Grissom: It wasn't a question.","Jesse Commons: And you're not my supervisor.","Brass: I am. I want your gun. Give me your gun.","(The two OFFICERS gives BRASS their guns. He checks the number of bullets in the clips.)","Brass: (to a third officer on the side) Hey, help me out here.","(BRASS hands the weapons over to the third officer.)","Brass: (sighs) And your backups, too.","Bill Nowlins: Come on.","(They reach down into their boots and remove their back up guns as well.)","Bill Nowlins: Satisfied?","Brass: Just doing my job.","(He hands the weapons to the officer on the side.)","Brass: (to the third officer) Here you go. (to the undercover cops) Fellas, check out the back. (he motions them forward) Okay? Let's go.","(GRISSOM remains behind and watches BRASS walk with the two OFFICERS across the road. NICK and WARRICK arrive in their SUV.)","(They get out of the car.)","Nick: These our serials?","Grissom: So it seems.","(They turn and head toward the house.)","Grissom: Yesterday's suspects. Today's victims.","Nick: We had 'em ...","(GRISSOM motions for NICK to walk into the house.)","Grissom: Take the inside.","(NICK enters the house. GRISSOM and WARRICK linger in the doorway to look at the door.)","Warrick: No sign of forced entry ... on this door, at least.","(GRISSOM turns and watches BRASS check the weapons in the van.)","Grissom: (to WARRICK) Print the handle.","Warrick: Yeah.","[INT. KLINEFELD RESIDENCE - DAY]","(GRISOM walks into the residence while WARRICK remains behind with the door.)","(He continues to walk into the next room where NICK has found something. He has his kit on the floor, is kneeling down next to it and putting on his gloves.)","(NICK picks up a sample of something on the floor near the body. He holds it up for GRISSOM to look at.)","Nick: What do you think?","(Camera zooms in for a close up. Resume to normal.)","Grissom: I don't know what that is. Make sure you get al though. You see any cartridge casings?","Nick: Not yet.","(GRISSOM turns and heads for MANDY KLINEFELD'S body. DAVID PHILLIPS has just put in the thermometer to get a time of death.)","(He gets a reading while GRISSOM walks up to him.)","David Phillips: 85.5.","(GRISSOM looks at his watch. It reads 7:06a.)","Grissom: So T.O.D. was about 11:00 P.M.","(Cut to: WARRICK dusts the door handle.)","(Cut to: NICK tests the swab for blood.)","(Cut to: GRISSOM takes pictures of MANDY KLINEFELD'S body.)","Nick: Grissom, I've got blood, but ... a lot of pheno-negative stains as well.","Grissom: We're going to bring everything back.","(GRISSOM checks out the utility room and finds towels from The Sphere on the washing machine.)","(Cut to: WARRICK prepares to take a shoe print off of a newspaper on the floor.)","Nick: (o.s.) Hey, Dave, let's run a tox screen on both d.b.'s okay?","(NICK takes off his gloves and walks into the room that WARRICK'S in.)","Nick: What do you got, Rick?","Warrick: If the killer went out the back door, this may be his print.","(Quick camera close up of the print being lifted to the sheet. Resume to present.)","(GRISSOM joins them in the room.)","Warrick: Good thing Brass had cops watching the house.","Grissom: Linens and towels from The Sphere on top of the washing machine, and what I believe to be sheets from the motel inside the dryer. Both positive presumptive for blood.","Nick: Think they were being smart taking the sheets, or did they just get off sleeping on 'em?","Warrick: Either way, they were sick and dangerous.","Grissom: What does that say about whoever killed them?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. KLINEFELD'S RESIDENCE -- DAY]","(BRASS has finished checking the weapons. The two officers put in their two cents about the murder in the house.)","Jesse Commons: Wh-what's the big deal? There's no humans involved.","Bill Nowlins: I mean, look, Captain. Come on. The way I see it, somebody did us a favor.","Brass: Yeah.","Bill Nowlins: They're dead. Case is closed.","Brass: Hey, this isn't a favor, Bill. This is a screw-up.","Bill Nowlins: Would've been a lot bigger screw-up if ... if we didn't break surveillance and had an officer down four blocks away.","Brass: All right, what else did you see?","Jesse Commons: Kid in that house made us. Thought we were bad news.","Brass: You are bad news.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[EXT. RESIDENCE -- DAY]","(SARA gets out of the SUV.)","Sara: I can't believe Grissom pulled us off that serial murder case.","Catherine: Yeah, well, let me tell you how it ends. They die.","(They both head toward the house.)","Catherine: Whoa, this isn't half bad for college kids.","Sara: Yeah. Why live in a one-room flea bag when you can pool your resources and live like this.","Catherine: Hey, how 'bout it: You, me, Warrick, Nick, Grissom ...","Sara: (shakes her head) Oh, nnn ... Not Grissom.","(They walk into the house.)","[INT. HOUSE - DAY - CONTINUOUS]","(The first floor ceiling is completely soaked through. It looks as if it's raining on the inside.)","Catherine: What the hell is this?","Officer: Ma'am, you may want to take one of these.","(He hands them an open umbrella.)","Sara: Thank you.","Catherine: Thanks. Where's the body?","Officer: Upstairs.","Sara: Upstairs?","Officer: Yes.","(They get a good look at the first floor and the entire ceiling is leaking.)","Catherine: It's raining man juice?","Sara: Hallelujah?","Officer: You might want to wear those.","(The OFFICER puts two pairs of rubber boots down on the floor in front of their feet.)","Sara: Thank you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[STAIRS - CONTINUOUS]","(SARA folds up the umbrella and shakes it.)","Sara: Well, weather's clearing.","Catherine: Yeah, if only the smell would.","Sara: Yep.","(CATHERINE looks around and sighs.)","Catherine: It's like a sewer in here.","(They reach the first bedroom doorway and the bedroom is completely flooded. They make their way toward the bathroom.)","[INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS]","(SARA'S the first to see it. There's a dead body floating in the tub completely bloated. SGT. O'RILEY stands next to the tub.)","Sara: Oh, my goodness.","(CATHERINE steps to the doorway and sees the body.)","Catherine: Oh, god.","O'Riley: Soup's on.","Catherine: How long has he been in here?","O'Riley: Roommates last saw him Thursday night. Took off for the weekend. Came home to this.","Sara: Guy goes to take a shower and DFOs. He never got to the cold water, did he?","O'Riley: Roommate said only the hot water faucet was on.","Sara: Must've been a steam bath in here.","O'Riley: Still is.","Catherine: Well, any evidence on the floor's been washed away.","Sara: There, uh ... (clears throat): Could be something in the tub.","Catherine: We got to take that body and get it through that door.","Sara: There's another option.","(SARA looks at the bathroom window.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","Caller (man): (V.O.) (recording) I'm at the corner of Harmon Hill and 25th, just east of the intersection. ...","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - DISPATCH -- DAY]","(WARRICK is at dispatch collecting the recording.)","Caller (man): (recording) There's been a shooting. I think a cop got shot. John, oh ... just occurred. I heard the shots.","Jen: I received the call and issued the 444. Uniforms called back a few minutes later, said they checked the area, said it was a U.T.L. You want to hear that?","Warrick: I'll hear it when you give me a dub of the original caller's voice ... and his phone number.","Jen: (smiles) I can get that for you right now.","(JEN works on the computer and gets the results: Telephone Number Identified:","Loc: Harmon Hill\/25th.)","Warrick: Good.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. KLINEFELD'S RESIDENCE -- DAY]","(GRISSOM checks his phone message:","GRIS. GOT THE 911","CALLER'S NUMBER:","555-0187.W. )","(GRISSOM dials. He walks over to the two officers waiting for the phone to ring. He can hear his phone ring, but not the receiving phone.)","Jesse Commons: (o.s.) I'm sick of this lock-down, man.","Bill Nowlins: Head's up.","Jesse Commons: Are we done?","Grissom: If I'm not done, you're not done.","Jesse Commons: We already gave you our footprints, and our fingerprints are on file, so what else do you need?","Grissom: Which way is Harmon Hill?","(BILL NOWLINS points. GRISSOM heads in that direction. When he gets just a short distance away, he hears a cell phone ring.)","(Off in the bushes to the side of the walkway, under the brush, GRISSOM finds the phone. He takes out a pair of gloves and picks it up.)","(The something catches his eye. He sees a large number of ants near a puddle of liquid on the sidewalk. He takes out a swab and takes a sample of the liquid.)","(GRISSOM stands up and looks around. He sees the two officers talking with each other near the van and he sees BRASS interviewing the next door neighbor's kid, BRADLEY.)","Brass: So, Bradley, you saw our police officer at that door?","Bradley: Yeah ... and I was watching these guys all night. See, the two bad guys drove away in the van, and then the policeman showed up, knocked on the door. Mr. Klinefeld let him in ... but he never came back out.","Brass: Did you see a police car?","Bradley: Must've walked here.","Brass: Did you hear any gunshots?","Bradley: Nope.","Brass: Okay, thanks, Bradley. Good job.","Bradley: No problem.","(BRADLEY and his mom leave.)","Brass: Ever see a beat cop anywhere but the strip?","Grissom: And how'd he beat us to the killer?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Quick CGI POV of: Bits of plastic in flesh. The camera pulls back to show the forceps -pull out a piece of plastic from the flesh ... from the bullet wound ...)","(End of CGI POV. Resume to Present.)","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]","(ROBBINS goes over his findings with GRISSOM.)","Robbins: Trace evidence. Definitely doesn't belong in the wound track. Did your guy get shot through a window?","Grissom: No. We found a lot of this material at the crime scene.","Robbins: Absence of gunshot residue.","Grissom: Maybe he was shot through some sort of object.","Robbins: Well, Mr. Klinefeld was shot once in the front and Mrs. Klinefeld once in the back.","(Quick flashback of: CAMERON KLINEFELD gets shot. MANDY KLINEFELD stands up and starts running for the door. She doesn't make it and gets shot in the back.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Robbins: Dare I say the couple that slays together, lays together?","(They turn to look at each other.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BATHROOM - DAY]","(The body of the college student is wrapped and on a platform. The WORKERS there lift and carry the body through the bathroom window and onto a platform on the roof.)","(CATHERINE and SARA work at scooping the remains out of the bathtub.)","(Several dissolves of CATHERINE scooping the remains out of the bathtub.)","Catherine: (checking the drain) This drain hasn't been tampered with. It's just clogged. I think this is an accidental.","Sara: (looking at the medicine cabinet) There's nothing but young people stuff. No meds, except some aspirin. No prescriptions.","Catherine: Well, I don't think that means much. Chances are he's not getting his drugs from a medicine cabinet.","Sara: There's no sign of struggle. Any prints would have been washed away. Where does that leave us?","Catherine: Same place we were when we walked through the door -- with a bloated floater.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]","(NICK looks at the pieces of plastic that he picked up from the KLINEFELD'S carpet. WARRICK leans on the other side of the table.)","Nick: Hey, you know that cell phone Grissom found at the crime scene?","Warrick: Yeah.","Nick: Traced it back to a Public Defender. Said she lost it. Made life hell for her while she was in DC.","Warrick: Mm ... have you run a sample of this through the GCMS?","Nick: Mm-hmm. Polyethylene.","Warrick: Polyethylene. I got the results back from Grissom's ant puddle.","Nick: mm-hmm.","Warrick: Corn syrup, glucose, caramel and water.","Nick: Hang on a second.","(NICK stands up and walks into the other lab.)","Nick: Where do you keep the sodium rhodizinate?","Warrick: On top of the file cabinet.","(NICK goes over to the cabinet. WARRICK turns to RICH sitting in the room behind the table.)","(CC) Warrick: So, what's up? You and Bobby switched or what?","Warrick: Hey, Rich, whatever happened with those bullets?","(RICH looks up at WARRICK.)","Rich: Six right nine-millimeter. Beretta, amongst others. Consistent with an officer's duty weapon.","Warrick: Consistent with officer commons and Officer Nowlin's weapons?","Rich: No match. That includes backups.","Warrick: Well, thanks.","(WARRICK returns to his table.)","Nick: Hey, Warrick.","Warrick: Yeah?","Nick: Polyethylene plus corn syrup plus GSR gives you what?","Warrick: Polyethylene and corn syrup is... cola in a bottle.","Nick: GSR on the inside of a plastic bottle means ...","Rich: Soda silencer.","(Quick POV of: Person holding a gun and putting an empty plastic bottle at the end of the barrel. He fires. End of Quick POV. Resume to present.)","Nick: Poor man's silencer. Only good for a couple shots.","Warrick: So, that shooter was sitting on the house and the surveillance team.","(Quick flashback to: That night, the killer empties out the soda, makes the call and waits for the van to leave.)","Warrick: (V.O.) Empties out his bottle of soda... calls in an \"officer down\" ... ...drops the phone and takes a walk.","(The killer walks over to the house.)","(End of flashback. Resume to next scene.)","(NICK and WARRICK share their theory with GRISSOM.)","Nick: What do you think?","Grissom: Who do we have around here that could find us a somewhat used soda bottle?","(They all look at each other, then they turn and look back at GREG who's working quietly in the next lab behind them. He looks up and finds them staring at him.)","(what?)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KLINEFELD'S RESIDENCE -- DAY]","(GREG opens the sliding door and walks out of the house to the officer standing guard out back. He puts on a pair of gloves and looks around.)","(Cut to: GREG walks around the side of the house and through the gate. He checks out the walk and checks the storm drain.)","(Cut to: GREG finishes checking the side of the house.)","INTERCUT WITH VARIOUS LAB SHOTS","[NICK]","(NICK is in the print lab working on the electrostatic shoe print taken from the newspaper on the floor. He compares the prints to the officer's shoes. No match.)","(NICK opens the flatbed scanner and scans the print into the computer. He looks at the print on the monitor.)","[GREG]","(Cut back to: GREG puts the bags of garbage back into the trash bin. He closes the two trash bins and looks down the sidewalk.)","(Cut to: As he takes a walk down the front street of the house, he looks around.)","[NICK]","(Cut to: NICK works on the shoe print on the computer. He checks the density levels of the print. On screen, he separates out the different impressions left at different density levels.)","[GREG]","(Cut back to: GREG turns the corner and starts down the second street.)","(Several dissolves of: Greg gets tired. GREG jumps up and looks over the concrete block fence.)","(Finally, GREG notices the storm drain. He lies flat on the road to check inside.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- DAY]","(SARA is in the lab examining the shirt. She flips the shirt inside out and takes a picture of it. She puts a sheet of plastic over the shirt and makes an outline of the void impression.)","(CATHERINE walks into the lab.)","Catherine: Hey.","Sara: Floater's shirt. Took it off his bed. What does this look like to you?","Catherine: A backwards seven.","Sara: Yeah, that's what I got. What's it doing on a DB's shirt?","Catherine: I don't know.","(She lifts up the plastic and touches the smudges on the shirt. She rubs her fingertips together.)","Catherine: Some kind of greasepaint or makeup.","Sara: How do you get paint on the inside of your clothes?","Catherine: Rubs off your chest. Oh, what kind of guy paints his chest?","Sara: Performance artist? A clown maybe?","Catherine: (smiling) Sports freak.","(SARA squints back at CATHERINE.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]","(GRISSOM and BRASS walk through the hallway discussing the case.)","Brass: Well, it's not like you to have a one-track mind.","Grissom: If the evidence points to cops, we chase cops.","Brass: Jesse Commons and Bill Nowlin were doing what I asked them to do. They were sitting on the house. Until you can get enough physical evidence to support a warrant.","Grissom: Somebody knew we were looking at the Klinefelds. They knew where they lived. That's somebody inside.","Brass: Cops don't take the law into their own hands.","Grissom: Ha! In what city?","(They turn and walk into GRISSOM'S office.)","Brass: Oh, you want to hit below the belt? You know, a lot of people had access to the Klinefelds. Who knows, maybe CSI III, Nicky Stokes opened up his mouth to another parking lot attendant.","(GRISSOM's silent for a moment.)","Grissom: There was an eyewitness who saw a uniform at the front door.","Brass: Oh, come on, a ten-year-old insomniac kid, hyped up on sugar, going blind on x-box. Who knows what he saw?","Grissom: So, now you're discrediting your own witness?","Brass: All right, let's break it down. You got a public defender's cell phone, no prints. You got officers' weapons taken from the scene, not fired. You got officers' shoe prints, not matching the evidence print. You got three black-and-whites confirming that Commons and Nowlin responded to a 444. Give these guys a break.","Grissom: Just because they weren't the shooters doesn't mean they weren't involved.","Brass: Oh, what, so it's a conspiracy?","Grissom: Oh, please! You got a bogus 444 call two blocks away.","Brass: Oh, come on, you know the deal. You know better than that. There's bogus calls come in every day. Well, maybe you don't, because you're the kind of guy who goes to serve a warrant without a gun.","Grissom: I'm not a cop.","Brass: Well, that's a distinction that could be lost when the suspect's still inside the house. Look, I had your back. Now I expect you to have mine.","Grissom: That's not the way it works.","Brass: In what city?","(GREG walks up to the office and into the doorway. He interrupts the argument.)","Greg: Hey, guys? I found something.","Grissom: Not now.","Greg: No. You need to see this. Both of you. Now!","(beat)","Greg: Please.","(GREG turns and leaves the office.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- DAY]","(The men stare at an officer's uniform.)","(Both BRASS and GRISSOM are usually quiet as they stare at the shirt. Everything about it looks very authentic.)","(GREG looks from GRISSOM to BRASS, then back to GRISSOM.)","Greg: Sorry I didn't find the soda bottle.","Grissom: This'll do.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TRACE LAB -- DAY]","(BRASS examines the uniform and makes note of certain things.)","Brass: Star-1 uniforms. It's the biggest uniform shop in town. From casino dealers to cops. Shirt's wet.","Greg: I found it in a storm drain.","Grissom: Where exactly?","Greg: Two blocks west of the house.","Brass: (notes) Opposite direction from the 444.","(BRASS looks over the shirt.)","Brass: uh ... Buttons.","Grissom: Meaning?","Brass: All the new uniforms have zippers.","(GRISSOM reaches out and checks the uniform collar.)","Grissom: This collar's dry. It's hot out -- at least a buck twenty-five.","Brass: Let's hope whoever was wearing that shirt sweats.","(BRASS touches the badge.)","Brass: The badge looks legit. I'll run the number.","(He turns and leaves the lab.)","(GRISSOM looks at GREG.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]","(Camera opens on a green brain in a metal dish on the cart next to the table. ROBBINS goes over the findings with CATHERINE and SARA.)","Robbins: Roommates were unable to make a positive ID due to the accelerated decomposition, but dental records confirmed Daniel O'Hannissey. Laceration on the forehead -- macerated, but not significant. Contusion with a small laceration ... here, below the ear. That did some damage. There's an obvious hematoma in the subdural space consistent with a subdural bleed. Herniation of the uncinate process on the same side.","Sara: Doc, uh, why is his brain green?","Robbins: He was steamed. Turns the brain into lime gelatin.","Catherine: Cause of death?","Robbins: Ruled out drowning. There was no water in the lungs. He was dead before he hit the water. So, you are looking at it -- a blow to the back of the head. Resulted in a subdural hematoma. Sort of like a slow leak in a tire.","Catherine: A slow leak in a tire?","Robbins: Odds are Danny had no idea he was bleeding in his brain. He probably felt fine. Maybe a little woozy. Then out of nowhere, he drops.","Sara: How long do you think he lived after the blow?","Robbins: 12 to 24 hours.","Catherine: Well, he had to have been in the water for a couple of days to look like this. Roommates last saw him Thursday. So I guess we start there and we work backwards. Thanks.","Robbins: Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BRASS' OFFICE -- DAY]","(BRASS and GRISSOM question OFFICER FROMANSKY.)","Fromansky: I lost my badge years ago. Filed a report. Got issued a new one.","Brass: Yeah, I'm aware of officers \"losing\" their badges.","Fromansky: Then we don't have a problem, do we?","Brass: No, we got a problem 'cause your badge was found in the proximity of a crime scene.","Grissom: How'd you manage to lose your badge?","Fromansky: Such is life.","Grissom: That's not the answer I was hoping for.","Brass: I've been looking at your jacket. Reads like a novel. You got a lot of entries in here. You got, uh ... beat-and-release. You got some stick therapy. What's up with this?","Fromansky: Show me a cop without a few entries in his jacket, I'll show you a pogue.","Grissom: You referring to me?","Fromansky: Guys like you get to sit on your ass behind a desk because guys like me are out there doing the real work.","Brass: (sighs) Okay, tough guy, tell me what you know.","Fromansky: I lost my badge. End of story.","(GRISSOM reaches for a swab on the desk and starts to stand up.)","Fromansky: If I ever find the guy that stole it, be--...","(He stops when he realizes that GRISSOM has a swab in his hand.)","Fromansky: I want my union rep.","Brass: I'm it.","Fromansky: I want somebody impartial.","Brass: Well, I was impartial. Now open up.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY]","(GRISSOM rushes through the hallway to the DNA lab. He's carrying the bagged swab. NICK and GREG are talking.)","Nick: You went for a bottle and found a shirt?","Grissom: (interrupting) This swab is your new priority.","Greg: I was just filling Nick in...","Grissom: Fill me in first. The sweat stain?","Greg: Uh, I was just getting started. I can do them both together.","(He turns to NICK.)","Grissom: The shoe print?","Nick: Running it through limbic.","Grissom: How can you be doing that when you're standing here?","(GRISSOM turns and walks into the audio\/visual lab. WARRICK is going through the call.)","Caller (man): (on tape) I'm at the corner of Harmon Hill and 25th. Just east of the intersection. There's been a shooting. I think a cop got shot. John, oh ... just occurred. I heard shots.","Grissom: Where are we?","Warrick: Check it out.","(WARRICK plays it again to show GRISSOM what he's found so far.)","Caller (man): (on tape) I think a cop got shot. John, oh ... just occurred. I heard shots.","Warrick: I have never heard a citizen that calm. This 911 caller knew the drill. He's using Officers code. 'J' becomes john. 'O' becomes ocean. J.O.-- Just occurred.","Grissom: Old habits die hard.","Warrick: I'm only halfway home. I need a voice exemplar. Did you get a name off that badge?","Grissom: Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOUSE -- DAY]","(CATHERINE and SARA interview DANIEL'S ROOMMATE.)","Roommate: You know, Daniel was from Green Bay. Big-time diehard football fan. He tried to walk-on here, but, uh ... didn't make the team. But, hey, come game night, he was always at the stadium.","Catherine: What about the away games?","Roommate: He watched one game at home and lost all of his chill privileges. It was ugly.","Catherine: Define ugly.","Roommate: Busted the couch, jumping on it. Neighbors called the cops 'cause he was so loud. He was a real bluto.","Sara: Where else did he 'bluto'?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BAR]","(CATHEIRNE and SARA interview the WAITRESS.)","Waitress: Everybody knew Dan-O. He's the kind of guy that keeps a place like this in business. I'm going to miss him.","Sara: When was the last time you saw him?","Waitress: When was the last rebel game? Thursday.","Catherine: Did you notice anything? Did he ...feel okay?","Waitress: Better than okay. He was pumped. He was so pumped that him and some of his buddies got into it with some other guys.","Sara: Wh-what do you mean? He started a fight?","Waitress: No, Shirley Temple started the fight.","(Quick flashback to the bar that night. DANIEL O'HANNISSEY is getting into the game at the bar.)","Daniel O'Hannissey: Right there! Right there! WOO!","(He motions for the WAITRESS.)","Daniel O'Hannissey: Hey, see those four guys down there? Give them four Shirley Temples. Shirley temples -- extra cherries. Keep the change.","(He hands her a large bill.)","(Cut to: The WAITRESS delivers the drinks.)","Waitress: Shirley temples all around.","(WAYNE and the guys look to see who's delivering the slight.)","Daniel O'Hannissey: Hey, Wayne, those are for you, buddy. Those are for you and your boys.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Catherine: How did Shirley take it?","Waitress: Not so good.","(Quick flashback to: WAYNE is right behind DANIEL O'HANNISSEY.)","Wayne: Come here, tough guy.","(Suddenly there's some action on the monitor. DANIEL O'HANNISSEY turns around to cheer.)","Daniel O'Hannissey: Yeah!","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Waitress: You know how guys are. They scrap until someone gets a touchdown.","Sara: Yeah. Yeah, right.","Catherine: Do you see any of those guys in here now?","(The WAITRESS looks around the bar.)","Waitress: There's a couple of Shirleys over there by the big screen.","(CATHERINE and SARA look at each other.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","Brown: (V.O.) Jen, I need a sample of Fromansky's voice.","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - DISPATCH - NIGHT]","(WARRICK is back at dispatch.)","Jen: (flirting) What's it worth to you?","(WARRICK chuckles.)","Warrick: Drinks?","Jen: I don't think you understand.","(She flicks the player switch on.)","Fromansky: (on tape) Officer in pursuit of late-model Honda civic. Possibly stolen. Heading northbound on Koval Lane.","(She clicks the tape off.)","Warrick: Hold on.","(WARRICK reaches out to stop her. She grabs his hand.)","Jen: Now, I've got three full minutes of Officer Fromansky here. I was thinking of maybe taking it to the dispatch convention.","Warrick: Oh, no, no. Okay, okay. Drinks at my place.","Jen: I can make that dub for you. What time?","(WARRICK laughs.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - PARKING LOT]","(GRISSOM walks to his car and gets in. He starts the engine and backs up out of the stall. OFFICER FROMANSKY appears near his open window, a hand on his car door. GRISSOM hits the brakes.)","Fromansky: Got a second?","Grissom: You're a suspect in an ongoing investigation. We're not allowed to have a conversation.","Fromansky: I wouldn't waste my life on them.","Grissom: Well, if that's true, then your DNA sample will rule you out.","Fromansky: Someday, you're going to need me or my buddies at a scene ... and wouldn't you know it-- we all hit traffic on the way.","Grissom: Is that how you do your job, officer?","Fromansky: Have a safe night.","(OFFICER FROMANSKY turns and walks away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - AUDIO\/VISUAL LAB]","(ARCHIE does the voice print comparison\/analysis for WARRICK and GRISSOM. He has the two tapes running one on top of the other.)","Fromansky: (on tape) Officer in pursuit of late-model honda civic ...","Caller (man): (on tape) just occurred ... I heard shots .","Fromansky: (on tape) Heading northbound ...","Caller (man): (on tape) just east of the intersection. There's been a ...","Archie: Pitch, speed, volume -- They're all different. It's not even close.","Grissom: Maybe he disguised his voice.","Archie: There's no distortion.","Warrick: Fromansky didn't make that call, Gris.","(GREG walks up to the lab doorway.)","Greg: The, uh, sweat from the uniform not a match to officer Fromansky.","(GRISSOM takes off his glasses. He realizes that they're concentrating on the wrong man.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM ]","(GRISSOM is in the breakroom, thinking. BRASS walks into the room.)","Brass: You're a hard guy to find.","Grissom: I messed up, Jim. I got ahead of the evidence. I made it personal, and I don't know why.","Brass: We both got a little stubborn. Did a little head-butting. I kind of liked it. You were like your old self there. Anyway ...","(BRASS gets a cup of coffee and sits down opposite GRISSOM.)","Brass: Fromansky was my money, too.","Grissom: I still think it's somebody inside.","Brass: Pull off a murder like this, it takes some practice. So... one thing I remembered. About six or seven months ago, we arrested a couple of gang-bangers. They were popping blackjack dealers on their way home from work, taking their toke envelopes. Because of some technicality, Judge Slater let them walk right out of the courtroom. I mean, they were talking about this in the precinct for weeks. Now this morality play has a very quick and unhappy ending. Somebody shot them.","Grissom: Vigilantes?","Brass: Maybe. But still, I don't like a cop for this.","Grissom: So take the cops out. Who's left?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB]","(NICK has printed all the density levels onto clear plastic. He puts them together and comes up with one composite of the shoe print. He holds up the clear plastic sheets up as we:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[NEVADA SEAL]","(Close up of the Nevada Seal: \"All for our country * Nevada)","(Camera pulls back to show the heavy seal on the ground in front of a column. GRISSOM and BRASS stand over the seal.)","Grissom: \"All for our country.\"","Brass: That's what he probably told himself.","(They head inside the County Courthouse Building.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. JUDGE SLATER'S OFFICE -- DAY]","(GRISSOM and BRASS face the JUDGE.)","Judge Slater: Like I told you before, if you're here for a warrant, you better have evidence to back it up.","Brass: We're not here to get a warrant, Judge. We're here to serve one.","(BRASS hands the warrant to JUDGE SLATER.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM]","(CATHERINE, SARA and O'RILEY interview WAYNE.)","O'Riley: Wayne, you want to tell us about the game Friday night?","Wayne: You mean like strategy? Chalk talk?","Catherine: Start with the Shirley Temples and go from there.","(WAYNE laughs.)","Wayne: You're talking about those idiots from UNLV.","O'Riley: We have a witness that said you guys had a beef. Specifically, you and number seven.","Wayne: Dude, I don't even know those guys, okay? They came in, they tried to be funny, and we set them straight.","Catherine: How?","Wayne: Gave them a little talking to.","Sara: Any blows exchanged? Physical contact?","Wayne: Did that punk bitch rat us out? It was harmless. It was nothing.","Sara: Punk bitch? A kid is dead.","Wayne: (surprised) What?","Sara: Dan O'Hannissey is dead.","Wayne: I didn't do anything. Hey, that guy left before we did, and he was fine. He was still running his mouth.","O'Riley: I suppose your buddies will testify to that?","Wayne: Yeah, they'll testify to that. Look, you can ask anybody who was in there.","(CATHERINE notices his ring.)","Catherine: Interesting ring you've got on.","Wayne: The SMU sharks.","Catherine: That's a college ring. Mind if I borrow it?","Wayne: You want to borrow my ring?","Catherine: Yeah.","(He removes the ring and puts it on the table.)","Wayne: Okay. Take it. I didn't do anything.","O'Riley: You're not under arrest. You're free to go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. JUDGE SLATER'S OFFICE]","Judge Slater: You have a lot of nerve walking in my chambers accusing me of murder.","Grissom: I'm not accusing you of murder. I just want to see your shoes.","Judge Slater: You've a warrant to search my closet?","Grissom: We need to see all your shoes.","Brass: That goes for your bailiff and your clerk as well. Gentlemen, please remove your shoes. I'm sure you'd want to set an example for all court employees.","Judge Slater: The warrant is limited to me, my Clerk and the Bailiff?","Brass: The Klinefeld warrant was generated from this office, and only you three had access to their personal information, so ... yeah.","Judge Slater: I look forward to the day you return to my courtroom, Detective.","(JUDGE SLATER sits in his seat and raises his shoes to be checked. BRASS sighs.)","Stuart Gardner: Who issued the warrant?","Brass: Judge Correll.","Stuart Gardner: Good Judge. Always count on him for paper.","(GRISSOM checks the bottom of the JUDGE'S shoes.)","Grissom: Not this pair.","(GRISSOM checks the bailiff's shoes.)","Grissom: Not those.","(GRISSOM sees the pack of cigarettes in STUART GARDNER'S shirt pocket.)","Grissom: You a smoker?","Stuart Gardner: Is that a crime?","Grissom: It's not good for you.","(GRISSOM finds the pair of shoes.)","(Quick flashback to: SUART GARDNER standing in front of the column and on the seal during his smoke break. Emphasis on his shoes when he steps away.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","(GRISSOM looks up from the shoes to STUART GARDNER.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- LAB]","(SARA and CATHERINE are in the lab.)","Sara: What tipped you to the ring?","Catherine: Jaws.","Sara: Peter Benchley's Jaws?","Catherine: No, it was in Steven Spielberg's Jaws. They had this mechanical shark named Bruce. And he kept swimming round and round in circles.","Sara: How come?","Catherine: His dorsal fin was bent.","(Close up of the bent fin on the ring.)","Sara: How did Bruce's fin get bent?","Catherine: Same way the kid's ring did. It hit something.","(Quick flashback to: Back at the bar that night, WAYNE approaches DANIEL O'HANNISSEY.)","Daniel O'Hannissey: Don't be pushing, tough guy!","(DANIEL turns around and pushes WAYNE back.)","Wayne: Come on!","(Suddenly the shouting and cheering on the television has DANIEL'S attention and he turns to cheer and whoop along with the game, turning his back to WAYNE.)","(Rather than wait around, WAYNE swings and hits DANIEL in the back of the head.)","(Quick CGI POV to: Inside DANIEL'S head, he starts bleeding. End of CGI POV.)","(DANIEL turns around and rushes WAYNE. His friends stop him.)","Wayne: Come on. Come on! WAYNE: Come on! FRIENDS: Forget it, man.","(End of flashback.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BAR -- DAY]","(SARA and CATHERINE re-interview WAYNE.)","Wayne: You got to be kidding me.","Sara: You threw a punch. Probably a sucker punch.","Wayne: Look, I told you, that guy walked away.","Catherine: But he was already dying. And you're responsible.","Sara: Now who's the punk... bitch?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM A -- DAY]","(BRASS is starting his interview with STUART GARDNER.)","Brass: (to tape recorder) This is detective Jim Brass, Las Vegas Police Department. Interview room \"A.\" I'm with Stuart Gardner, County Court Clerk. Please, um, state your name.","(He puts the recorder on the table.)","Stuart Gardner: Stuart Gardner. G-A-R-D-N-E-R.","Brass: And spell it for the record. That's right. You used to be a cop.","Stuart Gardner: Once a cop, always a cop. You and I are brothers.","(BRASS leans forward.)","Brass: (quietly) I'm not your brother.","(BRASS straightens, turns and heads for the other end of the table where he takes a seat.)","Brass: You're a murderer.","(Quick flashback to: [THE KLINEFELD'S] CAMERON KLINEFELD looks at the bogus warrant.)","Stuart Gardner: I have a warrant to search these premises.","Cameron Klinefeld: This is a joke. You can't arrest me.","(CAMERON turns and walks into the house.)","Stuart Gardner: I'm not here to arrest you.","(STUART GARDNER lifts up his gun with the plastic bottle silencer at the end of it and fires.)","Cameron Klinefeld: What, wait a second ...","(MANDY sees the shot, stands and runs for the door. He fires and hits her in the back.)","(STUART GARDNER grabs a towel of the faucet to use to open the back door. The newspaper on the counter falls to the floor. He steps on it on his way out. He closes the door behind him.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Brass: We also found your old uniform shirt, with your DNA on the collar. What are you going to retire on? Psych? Medical? What?","Stuart Gardner: Weren't you close to retirement? After you shot that bystander?","Brass: Ah, you want to talk about me, huh? Oh, you're a clerk. Get your facts straight. He wasn't a bystander. He was a passenger in a felony pursuit.","Stuart Gardner: So how'd you get promoted to Captain after that?","Brass: Must be my good looks.","Stuart Gardner: You agreed to drive a desk ... at CSI ... with all the sleazy civilians.","Brass: Don't knock the CSI, Stuart. They put a lot of bad guys away.","(BRASS stands up and walks toward the mirror.)","Brass: You know, I'm going to give you a little therapy for free. You know, if you had only shown a little restraint, they would have processed the DNA after Klinefelds'. Slam-dunk case.","Stuart Gardner: Lots of guys get off on slam-dunk cases.","Brass: Yeah, I bet you saw a lot of that working for Judge Slater, most liberal judge in the state.","[OBSERVATION ROOM]","(GRISSOM, WARRICK and NICK watch the interview.)","Brass: (through speakers) Bet you saw a lot of good cases go south, while you just processed those release forms, huh?","[INTERVIEW ROOM]","(STUART stands up and moves to stand directly behind BRASS. The officer at the back of the room follows close behind.)","Stuart Gardner: Let me ask you something. Doesn't it piss you off to put all your hard work in the hands of twelve people too stupid to get off jury duty?","[OBSERVATION ROOM]","(BRASS turns around.)","Brass: (through speakers) Stuart, sit down.","Warrick: This guy's a nut job vigilante. He's making the whole department look bad.","Grissom: I guess he'd just figured he'd take a shortcut. You've thought about it.","Warrick: Yeah, lots of times ... what about you?","(GRISSOM looks at WARRICK. Rather than answer the question, GRISSOM stands and leaves the room.)","(He walks out of the OBSERVATION ROOM and into the HALLWAY where he passes by OFFICER FROMANSKY walking in the opposite direction. OFFICER FROMANSKY looks at GRISSOM as he walks by.)","(GRISSOM stops and turns back to look at OFFICER FROMANSKY. FROMANSKY doesn't spare him a backward glance.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[SHOOTING RANGE]","(GRISSOM is at the firing range with his gun. He empties the cartridge. When he's done, he brings the target up forward where we see that GRISSOM is an excellent shot. All bullets hit the 9-bullseye target center.)","(Camera holds on the target.)"],"Show Title":"CSI Crime Scene Investigation","Episode Number":"04x02","Episode Title":"All for Our Country (2)","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_04x05.json","Recap":["After a woman is killed in a head-on collision with a big rig, Catherine and Grissom discover the dead body of a man dressed in a full-size raccoon costume across the road. They uncover that the man is dressed like that because he recently attended a plushies and furries convention leading them to probe further into this subculture to see who may be responsible for the man's murder. Meanwhile, Nick and Sara investigate the murder of a convenience store employee found in the store's industrial freezer shot to death."],"Transcript":["[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS ROADWAY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. CAR (MOVING) - NIGHT]","(LINDA JONES is driving her car. As she drives, she glances left and right as if looking for something. Her car hits something with a thud. She slams on the breaks and slows the car down a little. Rather than stopping to check it out, LINDA continues to drive as she tries to look behind at what she might have hit.)","(When she turns back to the road, she finds that she's headed straight for a truck. The trunk honks his horn at her.)","(She screams.)","WHITE FLASH TO:","[EXT. ROADWAY - NIGHT - LATER]","(The TRUCK DRIVER talks with the OFFICER.)","Truck Driver: You can breathalize me all you want, but the broad came right at me. I swear, it wasn't my fault.","Officer: (o.s.) Sir, I understand.","(GRISSOM and CATHERINE approach the mangled car.)","Catherine: Ooh, that's what happens when 6,000 pounds of thrust meets three feet of hood.","Grissom: This was not a fair fight.","(They look into the car at the body behind the wheel. CATHERINE looks at the road.)","Catherine: Well, now, how did she end up way over here?","(She sees the skid marks on the road.)","Catherine: There must be 20 feet of rubber burned into this asphalt. She was braking hard.","Grissom: She definitely swerved out of her lane. I think I may know why.","(GRISSOM finds the paw prints on the road. CATHERINE looks at the paw prints.)","Catherine: Oh. What kind of animal are we talking about here?","Grissom: A big one.","Catherine: The victim could have clipped the animal when it ran in front of her.","(They continue to look down the road.)","Catherine: Well, it can't have gone far.","(They both follow the paw prints to the side of the road. Just at the bottom of the hill, they find the body of a man in a Raccoon suit. GRISSOM stares at the suit.)","HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. ROADSIDE -- DAY]","(CATHERINE reaches out and removes the mask from the body. Inside the suit is a man. CATHERINE looks inside the mask.)","Catherine: Hmm. Ooh. Not much padding.","(GRISSOM looks at the mask.)","Grissom: Whoa. This is incredibly detailed. Eyelashes, nostrils ...","Catherine: Oh, yeah. That's what you see out of. I once dated the Detroit Lions Mascot. Off-season. Dutch was his name.","Grissom: The breadth of your social experience never ceases to impress me.","(CATHERINE smiles. GRISSOM takes photos of the body.)","(CATHERINE takes something out of the mouth of the mask. It's a piece of blue-colored yarn.)","Catherine: Dutch never had furballs, though.","(She puts it in a bag.)","(DAVID PHILLIPS grabs his clipboard and walks over to the body. He stares down at it.)","Grissom: Are you all right, David?","David Phillips: It's just ... disturbing. There was a big raccoon who hosted an after-school kids show when I was little. (smiles fondly at the memory) Stripey. Everybody loved him. I loved him.","Grissom: \"Stripey's\" brother suffered blunt force trauma caused by a violent collision with a moving vehicle.","(Quick flashback to: [ROAD-NIGHT] The man in the raccoon suit is standing on the road waving a car down. The car heads straight for the man and hits him. He flies to the side of the road on impact. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","(DAVID PHILLIPS gets to work.)","(Cut to: DAVID pushes the body up the hillside on a gurney toward the coroner's van.","Catherine: The eternal question: Why did the man in the raccoon suit cross the road?","(GRISSOM glances sideways at CATHERINE.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EVENING]","[INT. BIG & BEST WAREHOUSE -- FREEZER -- NIGHT]","(There's a man dead on the floor of a freezer. NICK and SARA stand over the body looking down at him.)","Nick: Frozen stiff.","Sara: Looks like he died trying to get out. Trying to get to the door, maybe.","Nick: It got messy. Check out the shotgun spatter.","Sara: Single blast. Went in, went out. Ooh. This has got to be the coldest place in Vegas.","Nick: Let's go. Vega's got the security guard.","Sara: Yeah, he's not going anywhere.","(SARA and NICK stand up and leave the freezer.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BIG & BEST WAREHOUSE -- NIGHT]","(NICK and SARA step outside to join DET. SAM VEGA interviewing the Security Guard PETEY.)","Sam Vega: So, Peter, when you checked in at eight ...","Security Guard Petey: (protests) Not Peter. Petey. P-E-T-E-Y.","Nick: Hey, how you doing?","Security Guard Petey: Good.","(NICK walks over to the vending machine.)","Sam Vega: The shooter may have cleaned out the machines.","Security Guard Petey: Those things hold a lot of dough.","Sam Vega: Take was maybe, uh, $600.","Nick: They shot a guy over a vending machine?","Sara: So, uh, Petey, where were you when all this went down?","Security Guard Petey: I was in the guard shack. Where else would I be?","Sam Vega: You tell us.","Sara: If a guy walks into a freezer, shoots a guy and smashes six vending machines, I think I'd hear that.","Security Guard Petey: The shack's out there.","Nick: You don't make rounds?","Security Guard Petey: Look, I'm not supposed to leave the premises, okay?","Nick: Okay, but if you were here, you're a suspect. Come on, man. Middle of the shift, you're getting hungry. You figure, hey, I'll deck out and grab a bite to eat. Who's going to know, right?","Security Guard Petey: I was gone five minutes, tops.","Nick: When?","Security Guard Petey: A little after 11:00. Grabbed a burger and came back.","Nick: What kind of burger?","Security Guard Petey: In 'n' Out -- three blocks from here.","Nick: I love In 'n' Out. I always get the In 'n' Out double, animal style.","Security Guard Petey: That's what I get.","Nick: You grill the onions?","Security Guard Petey: Hell, yeah.","Nick: Now, that is crazy, Petey, 'cause you know, being an In 'n' Out kind of guy, I know it takes at least five minutes to grill the onions alone.","Security Guard Petey: Come on, man.","Nick: That time of night, you're lucky if you don't wait 20 minutes just to get to the window.","Security Guard Petey: Look, my boss finds out I'm leaving the site every night to get my burger on, I'm toast.","Sam Vega: You keep lying to us, you're going to be toast in a jumpsuit.","Security Guard Petey: Around 11:00, this cat George -- he usually works days -- drives up and asks me where Al is.","Sara: Al Sesto? The guy in the freezer?","Security Guard Petey: I told him he was back here. I came back. Everything was quiet. So I ate my dinner in my shack.","Sam Vega: Where'd George go?","Security Guard Petey: Beats me. His car's still in the parking lot.","Sam Vega: You want to show me which one?","Security Guard Petey: Sure.","(DET. VEGA and SECURITY GUARD PETEY leave. SARA takes a step toward NICK.)","Sara: Unless he was slick, the guy that did this definitely left behind a print, and, frankly, nothing about this looks slick.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY TO FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT]","(DAVID PHILLIPS escorts CATHERINE and GRISSOM to forensic autopsy.)","David Phillips: Linda Jones, 35, single. We're trying to track down the next-of-kin. No mystery in cause of death, though.","(DAVID opens the door.)","Catherine: Your basic massive internal trauma.","David Phillips: And then some.","(They walk into the room.)","Catherine: Anything unusual about our furry friend?","David Phillips: We're about to find out.","(They walk into forensic autopsy. GRISSOM grabs a pair of gloves and puts them on.)","Grissom: Did you know that raccoons have opposable thumbs?","Catherine: Well, this one liked to wrap his around a bottle. \"30 days: One day at a time.\" He was a friend of Bill W.'S.","(She shows them the 30 days tag.)","David Phillips: I'll send the blood work down to tox.","(CATHERINE looks at the stitching in the suit.)","Catherine: (admiring) Oh, my -- hand stitching.","David Phillips: Lining looks like some kind of latex.","(DAVID starts to cut through the suit. He hits the bottom and blood spills out onto the table.)","Grissom: Whoa. That's a lot of blood for blunt force trauma.","Catherine: This isn't a costume. It's a six-foot condom. Explains why there was no blood on the road.","Grissom: Yeah, his tailor didn't think of everything. His suit's not bulletproof.","(CATHERINE thinks about that one.)","Grissom: Shall we?","(They all help to flip the Raccoon over. CATHERINE opens the velcro and they find the bullet wound on his back.)","Catherine: Through and through.","David Phillips: It's a high-velocity round. Gives the bullet a smooth entry in and out.","Catherine: So, he was shot and hit by a car.","David Phillips: Bad night.","Grissom: Even for a raccoon.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BIG & BEST WAREHOUSE -- FREEZER -- NIGHT]","(ROBBINS is standing over the body)","Robbins: The last time this happened they tried to chop the guy out. 1989-- year The Mirage opened.","Nick: How'd it go?","Robbins: Lost an arm and a leg. I miss the cold weather.","Nick: So, what are we going to use, hot water?","Robbins: Boiling works best. Just, uh, spread it around the perimeter. Melt the ice.","Coroner's Assistant: Guys, let's do it here.","Nick: To preserve the body?","Robbins: That's right. Close as you can.","(They pour the hot water over the frozen blood.)","(Quick CGI POV of the heat working on melting the blood. White flash to end of CGI POV. Resume to present.)","Voice: And up.","(They lift the body onto the gurney and wrap the blanket around it.)","Robbins: All right, guys, let's go.","(The CORONERS' ASSISTANTS wheel the body out of the freezer.)","(Once they're gone, NICK looks at the blood spatter on the boxes and takes a sample of the pellet.)","(He extracts more pellets from the freezer.)","(Cut to: SARA dusts for prints on the vending machine glass.)","(Cut to: NICK looks at the blood on the ground. He moves over to the side and picks up a piece of something black and puts it in a bindle.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB]","(CATHERINE enters the lab. WARRICK is looking through a scope.)","Catherine: Hi, Warrick.","Warrick: Hey.","Catherine: Anything on Mr. Raccoon?","Warrick: Yeah. I got an AFIS hit. Robert Pitt. Court-ordered to AA after a DUI.","(He points to the print out on the counter next to him. CATHERINE picks it up. WARRICK goes back to the scope.)","Catherine: Oh, that's where he got the 30-day chip. Maybe he fell off the wagon after he hit 31.","Warrick: If I had to walk around dressed like Rocky Raccoon, I'd be drinking, too. I don't get this whole thing.","Catherine: Oh, hey, Warrick, it's Vegas. People come here to be animals.","Warrick: I hear you. Take a look at this.","(He steps aside and lets her look through the scope.)","[SCOPE VIEW of the blue fur.]","Catherine: Oh, yes, the blue fur ball.","Warrick: Yeah, it's synthetic, not natural.","(GREG enters the lab.)","Greg: Your manimal died sober. No alcohol.","Catherine: Really?","Greg: All this schmohawk had in his system was trace amounts of ipecac and civet oil, which, if you ask me, is even weirder than the raccoon suit he was wearing.","Catherine: Well, ipecac's an emetic. I once gave it to Lindsey when she swallowed mothballs, but civet oil?","(CATHERINE shakes her head.)","Greg: Yeah. Civet's a wild cat. Its scent has been prized since the pharaohs for being an aphrodisiac.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. ROBERT PITT'S RESIDENCE -- DAY]","(The door opens; BRASS walks into the room. CATHERINE and an OFFICER follow.)","Brass: Pitt was a computer programmer. No next-of-kin.","Catherine: Ooh.","(They look around the place.)","Catherine: Not an architectural digest reader.","(CATHERINE looks in the bedroom.)","[BEDROOM]","Catherine: If you want to know what the man really is all about, check out his bedroom.","(On ROBERT PITT'S bed is a stack of stuffed animals.)","Brass: Now, this scares me.","Catherine: A man lives alone. Has no relatives. No attachments. So, he forms his own furry little family.","(BRASS looks at the calendar on the wall and notes the red circled dates from October 29, 2003 through November 1, 2003 for the \"PAF CON\" at the \"KINGS RIVER HOTEL\".)","Brass: \"PAF con meeting.\"","Catherine: What's PAF con?","Brass: I don't know, but whatever it is, it's still going on.","(CATHERINE looks at BRASS.)","Catherine: Minus one raccoon.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KING'S RIVER HOTEL -- LOBBY]","(It's the Plushies & Furries PAF CON going on in the lobby. CATHERINE and GRISSOM walk into the lobby.)","Catherine: PAF con?","Grissom: The Plushies and Furries convention. And we're looking for a bright blue Plushie ... I think.","(GRISSOM and CATHERINE stare at the group of people dressed in costume. GRISSOM look fascinated by the sight; CATHERINE looks perplexed.)","Grissom: This is fascinating. A whole tribe of people who prefer to interact as furry animals rather than human beings.","Catherine: I think I'm having Hunter Thompson's flashbacks. This is weirding me out.","Grissom: It's not that weird. It's instinctual. Many native American tribes wore entire bearskins, including the bead, when they performed their war dances. They thought it made them brave.","Catherine: I'm not getting the brave thing.","Grissom: Well, think of stuffed animals as a Jungian archetype. What's the one quality they possess that a man like Bob Pitt might want?","Catherine: A full head of hair?","Grissom: They're lovable. We better divide and mingle.","(GRISSOM glances down at the schedule on the board: 9:00 A.M. Breakfast & Orientation 10:30 A.M. LECTURE #1 (Doe Eyes: Innovative Techniques in Looking for Love.)","11:45 A.M. FURRY RAFFLE (MAIN LOBBY) 12:00 P.M. LECTURE #2 (Fur-Ever Young)","1:00 P.M. BANQUET LUNCH (BANQUET HALL) 3:30 P.M. LECTURE #3 (Claws and Effect: A Look at the Legal Issues Regarding Fur in the Workplace.)","4:45 P.M. VINEYARDS & VENDORS","7:30 P.M. BANQUET DINNER (BANQUET HALL)","9:30 P.M. PILE-ON-PARTY (MAIN LOUNGE)","(He turns to CATHERINE.)","Grissom: I'm going to take in a lecture.","(GRISSOM steps away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]","(RICH leads SARA and NICK back to the BALLISTICS LAB.)","Sara: Uh, why did you page us?","Rich: Your wood sample from the freezer.","Nick: The one we gave Hodges?","Rich: Yeah. He bounced it back to me.","Sara: I'm lost.","Rich: It's from a shotgun stock. Probably a momossberg 500.","Sara: Probably our murder weapon.","[BALLISTICS LAB - CONTINUOUS]","(RICH stops walking and turns around to look at them.)","Rich: Well, if you find it, I can match it.","Nick: Till we do, anything else?","Rich: That's up to Hodges.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- DAY]","(SARA and NICK are in TRACE with HODGES.)","[SCOPE VIEW of the \"gray stuff\"]","David David Hodges: The gray stuff -- it's adhesive.","(SARA looks up from the scope.","Sara: On the gun stock?","David David Hodges: (shrugs) Cheap repair.","Nick: So, some budget-minded garage gunsmith glues his gun stock together ...","Sara: And then kills Al Sesto for $600 in change.","Nick: Even Petey can do better than that.","Sara: There's always the elusive \"George.\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- DAY]","(A tall, husky man walks into the police department. He looks around, then heads for the reception desk.)","Officer: Can I help you, sir?","George Bartell: Yeah, I want to report a crime.","(He holds out his hands to show the OFFICER behind reception the backs of his blood-stained hands.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM -- DAY]","(SAM VEGA, SARA and NICK interview GEORGE.)","Sam Vega: Let's start with what you were doing at Big & Best Warehouse, George. You're the day guy. It was the night shift there.","George Bartell: Expired ice cream. Trash for cash.","Sara: You're selling expired ice cream?","George Bartell: It's still good.","Sara: Oh.","Nick: Go on, please.","George Bartell: I wanted to give Al his piece of the action, 88 bucks. We, uh, walked into the break room, and someone was smashing up the candy machine.","(Quick flashback to: Someone in a ski mask with a gun smashing the vending machines. He looks up and sees GEORGE. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Sam Vega: Ski mask?","George Bartell: Yeah. And he had a gun.","(Quick flashback to: The man with the gun leads AL SESTO and GEORGE into the freezer.)","Al Sesto: Better chill, bro.","Gunman: Okay. Get back.","Al Sesto: Don't shoot!","Gunman: Shut up!","(The GUNMAN cocks the rifle.)","Al Sesto: Don't shoot.","(The gunman fires.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","George Bartell: He shot Al. Then the guy hauls off and brains me. And after that, everything went black.","(SARA checks the back of GEORGE'S head and finds the bruise.)","Nick: Everything went black?","Sara: That's a pretty nasty bruise.","George Bartell: Yeah, I told you.","Sam Vega: So, you blacked out. Then what happened?","George Bartell: I was blindfolded, shoved into the trunk of some car and, uh, drove around for almost an hour.","(GEORGE proudly shows them his watch.)","George Bartell: It, uh, glows in the dark.","Nick: Oh, yeah.","Sara: (nods) Hmm.","Nick: So, uh, now, how did you get out?","George Bartell: Tire iron. I felt around in the dark, and, uh, there it was.","Nick: Where?","(As they talk, SARA puts on her gloves.)","George Bartell: Under the, uh, the trunk liner. I had to really twist to get at it.","Sara: Which hand did you use?","George Bartell: Right.","Sam Vega: And then what?","George Bartell: I popped the trunk.","(Quick flashback of GEORGE using the tire iron and popping the trunk. He falls out of the trunk. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","George Bartell: I-I was in Pahrump. I got family out there, but nobody was home.","Sara: All right, MacGyver, could you do me a favor? Could you stand up and hold your arms out? I'm just going to check you out here.","(SARA checks his clothes and takes a tape lift sample. As she presses the tape into GEORGE'S chest, he chuckles. SARA looks up at GEORGE.)","George Bartell: I'm ticklish.","Sara: Oh.","(SARA checks the rest of his shirt and his pants. She finds dried blood in the cuff of his pants.)","Sara: George ... I'm afraid you and your pants are going to be here for a while.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KING'S RIVER HOTEL - LECTURE ROOM]","(The SPEAKER, dressed in a costume, gives a lecture to a room full of people.)","Speaker: In the eight ages of man, Erikson states that the child often indulges in fantasies of being a tiger, but in his dream, runs in terror for dear life, thus leaving the child forever divided in himself, as his true potential is squashed by the observing superego of society.","(In his seat, GRISSOM listens, captivated by the topic.)","Speaker: Birth is-is not destiny. And a human form doesn't always come with a human spirit. We gather here to embrace our inner animal, and to bring our true nature to bear. So to speak. Five-minute break.","(The stage lights turn of and there's a light smattering of applause in the room. GRISSOM turns to the animal next to him as asks.)","Grissom: Excuse me. Do you recognize this man, Robert Pitt?","(GRISSOM shows him the photo of ROBERT PITT. The animal shakes his head.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[LOBBY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(CATHERINE walks up to a group of normally dressed people holding stuffed animals.)","Catherine: Hello, guys. Pardon me. Uh, can you help me out here? Do you recognize this guy?","(The MAN shakes his head.)","Catherine: Look-look again.","The Man: (shakes head again) Uh-uh.","Catherine: Hmm. Nice dog.","(The MAN possessively yanks the stuffed dog away from CATHERINE not wanting her to touch it. CATHERINE walks away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[LOBBY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(GRISSOM is looking at the different wares at the vendor tables. On the table in front of him, GRISSOM looks through some photographs of the animals at the PAF-CON.)","Voice: (over speaker) (b.g.) May I have your attention, please? Stop by the fur-bidden treasures in the next half-hour and get an added twenty percent off on all collars ...","(He picks up a photo of Rocky Raccoon with another animal. GRISSOM pays for the photo.)","Grissom: (to the vendor) There you go.","(He takes his photo. Behind him, he hears a cat purr. GRISSOM turns to look and finds himself looking at a person in a blue cat costume.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[FASHION SHOW - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(The WOLF in sunglasses on stage does the cat walk. CATHERINE watches from the side. In the back of the stage, a person in blue cat costume dances forward across the stage.)","(CATHERINE walks up to the stage.)","Catherine: I'm Catherine Willows. I'm with the crime lab.","(CATHERINE holds up her I.D. The cat hisses, then turns around and walks to the back of the stage leaving CATHERINE standing there.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[LOBBY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(GRISSOM walks back to the center of the lobby with two blue cats following him. CATHERINE escorts the blue cat toward GRISSOM.)","Grissom: I guess we're lucky that blue's not a more popular color.","Sexy (Bud Simmons): Hello. This is racial profiling.","Catherine: Um, we're going to need samples of your fur.","Grissom: We're also going to need to talk to you without the masks on.","(The two blue Cats who walked in with GRISSOM remove their masks. They turn to look at the blue cat with CATHERINE and she shakes her head.)","Sexy (Bud Simmons): Uh-uh.","Catherine: You have a problem with that?","Sexy (Bud Simmons): You wouldn't ask a human lady to take her makeup off. If you want to talk to me, this is the me you're going to talk to.","(CATHERINE and GRISSOM look at each other.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY \/ INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]","(BRASS opens the door and escorts SEXY down the hallway. OFFICERS turn to watch BRASS with the BLUE CAT.)","(They turn into the interview room where GRISSOM and CATHERINE wait for them.)","Brass: Take this chair right here.","(SEXY takes a seat at the table. They close the door behind them.)","Brass: Do you a have a name, miss, uh ... ?","Sexy (Bud Simmons): My friends call me Sexy.","Brass: Oh, lucky you. Now, do you want some help with the ... your helmet?","Sexy (Bud Simmons): I'm a lawyer. I know my rights. You can't sequester a domestic animal without due cause.","Brass: Well, it's coming off one way or the other, so ...","Sexy (Bud Simmons): Fine, fine.","(SEXY takes off his gloves and then removes his head.)","Catherine: Hello, Sexy.","Bud Simmons : Okay. Happy now?","Grissom: Thrilled. Let's start at the top.","Brass: What's your human name, sir?","Bud Simmons: Bud. Bud Simmons. But I'm no criminal, and I don't have to talk to you people.","(GRISSOM leans in close and sniff's BUD'S costume.)","Grissom: You have a very musky odor, bud. Quite stimulating, I imagine. Look, we found blue fibers similar to the ones on your costume in the stomach of a dead man. Bob Pitt?","Bud Simmons: Huh?","Grissom: You may know him as Rocky Raccoon?","Bud Simmons: You think my costume killed rocky?","Grissom: We think it may have incapacitated him.","Bud Simmons: Rocky was... skritching me.","Catherine: That's one I haven't heard.","Bud Simmons: Skritching is like grooming. It's friendly scratching. People who don't know each other can't just nuzzle and trade tummy-rubs, but for animals, skritching is perfectly normal.","Catherine: Well, killing is perfectly normal for them, too. It doesn't make it legal for you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT]","(CATHERINE and GRISSOM examine BUD SIMMONS' blue Cat Costume.)","Grissom: Well, clearly, this kitty costume is where bud felt safe enough to skritch. I wonder if he felt safe enough to explore some of the more aggressive aspects of his animus.","Catherine: So, if we follow the ipecac and civet oil, maybe it'll lead us to the shooter. I don't see a compartment for a concealed rifle.","(They put on their goggles as CATHERINE ALS' the costume. They find body fluids.)","Catherine: Okay, well ... I've heard of some guys getting off in some weird ways, but humping an animal suit? Well, whatever happened to normal s*x?","Grissom: What is normal s*x?","Catherine: Uh, you think it's natural for a grown human to only be intimate with a talking animal?","Grissom: Well, Freud said that the only unnatural sexual behavior was to have none at all. And after that, it's just a question of opportunity and preference. And evidently, many prefer the feel of fur to the texture of human skin.","Catherine: Well, I like hairy chests, but I'm not about to bop a six-foot weasel.","(GREG walks into the lab.)","Grissom: Bud is starting to look like a pretty bad cat. Trace from his costume.","(GRISSOM looks at the print results.)","Grissom: Well, identical to the trace we found in Rocky Raccoon's vomit. Ipecac and civet oil.","Greg: Well, that's what you get for eating ...","(Camera holds on GREG.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]","(NICK and SARA check out GEORGE'S pants.)","Nick: What kind of a knucklehead rolls into pd wearing pants with blood on them?","Sara: The kind that knows eventually, re going to want to talk to him.","Nick: Yeah. Preemptive strike, huh?","Sara: There's only one drop here, and it originated on the inside of the cuff. I don't think George knew he had blood on him. We need to get this to Greg.","Nick: I was in that freezer. Man, there was spatter everywhere. Now, assuming that is al's blood, how does George not get it on the outside of his pants? Do you think George is telling the truth?","(SARA turns and looks at NICK. Experiment time.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB]","Sara: Room temperature: 72 degrees.","(NICK takes a syringe and fills it with blood.)","Nick: Okay ... ...fire in the hole.","(He squirts the syringe at the wall through a hole.)","Sara: That's what blood spatter looks like at room temperature.","Nick: Now for the good stuff. Changing one variable. Dropping temperature to 22 degrees.","(NICK changes the temperature of the test tank, then re-squirts the syringe with blood at the wall. The blood freezes before it hits the wall, spattering all over the place.)","Sara: That explains how only one drop of blood got on the inside of George's pants.","(Quick CGI POV of: Al gets shot in the freezer and the blood freezes, spattering all over the place. A single drop of blood spatter falls into GEORGE'S pants cuff.)","(End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)","Sara: When he left the freezer, the drop melted.","Nick: Shooter was standing in front of Al. A spatter went back and to the sides.","Sara: George is not the shooter.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- DAY]","(SARA and NICK walk through the hallway discussing the case as they head to the Trace lab.)","Sara: So, who is the masked man?","Nick: Well, Lone Ranger had Tonto. Some Doofus has George.","David Hodges: Tape lifts from your suspect's clothing, loaded with paint chips.","Sara: What kind?","David Hodges: Dual layers. The bottom one's burgundy vehicle paint.","[SCOPE VIEW OF THE PAINT CHIPS]","David Hodges: Factory pigment used on 1984 Monte Carlo.","Nick: What's the top layer?","David Hodges: In an unprecedented move, whoever it was painted over the burgundy with ... want to venture a guess?","(NICK shakes his head.)","David Hodges: Bright blue house paint.","Nick: Doofus.","Sara: Why would somebody use house paint on a car?","David Hodges: Maybe he remodeled the breakfast nook and had some left over. Who knows? I don't try to figure out what people do anymore.","Sara: That's smart.","David Hodges: Yeah, I know.","(HODGES steps away from them.)","Nick: Oil and water. Love to be there when his hood starts to peel.","Sara: Okay, first things first. Let's go find a car.","Nick: Mm-hmm.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]","(CATHEIRNE and BRASS reinterview BUD SIMMONS.)","Brass: Okay, bud, I'm going to get right to it. Bob Pitt's semen was found all over your kitty costume.","Catherine: You lied to us. You were doing a little more than grooming.","Bud Simmons: It started as a skritch, then everyone got in a furpile and pretty soon, we were all yiffing.","(Quick flashback to: The Furpile, whipping sounds and animal whimperings in the background. You want more description, go watch the episode. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Catherine: I get \"furpile.\" Define \"yiffing.\"","Bud Simmons: In a furpile, when all the animals start rubbing and wiggling, some of them start to do things.","(Quick flashback to: The furpile and obscene animal groaning noises. You want more description, then you really need to watch the episode. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Brass: The kind of things that leave semen on your fur?","Bud Simmons: That never happened before.","(CATHERINE chuckles wryly.)","Bud Simmons: Okay. That happened before. I know what you're thinking.","Catherine: You couldn't possibly.","Bud Simmons: I didn't kill Rocky Raccoon.","Catherine: Did you smear ipecac and civet oil on the back of your costume?","Bud Simmons: That's crazy. I was there for the yiffing, and that's all. Look, if I don't have my costume on, I pretty much can't get yiffed.","Brass: Okay, Bud. We're going to leave you some time to think about it. Enjoy your new costume.","(BRASS and CATHERINE stand up to leave the room.)","(BRASS sighs as he walks out the door.)","Brass: (quietly) Wow.","(He and CATHERINE stop outside the interview room.)","Brass: Are you buying this guy?","Catherine: Oh, who the hell knows what goes on in a furpile? But if somebody doused their special scent on kitty's back, I'm sure he's going to want to know who did it.","Brass: Well, he gives us all the furnames of people in the pile. What are we going to do -- put out an APB on Tom and Jerry?","Catherine: (scoffs) Maybe we just ask him where the hip, young plushy-on-the-go likes to hang out?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. PLUSHIE BAR -- DAY]","(The white plushie walks out of the bar and through the back door and into the next room with loud pulsating music.)","(CATHERINE, GRISSOM and an OFFICER walk through the back door.)","(CATHERINE knocks. The WOLF at the door answers.)","Wolf: Password, please?","Catherine: E-I-E-I-O?","Wolf: This is a private party.","Grissom: Uh, we have an invitation from the Las Vegas police department.","(GRISSOM shows the WOLF their warrant.)","Wolf: Uh, okay.","(The WOLF glances at the warrant and lets them inside.)","(They walk into the room where the plushies and furries are furpiling on the white cat who's on the floor groaning and moaning. Some other fur animals are standing on the side shedding their fur.)","Catherine: (loudly) Whoa, Nellie!","PLUSHIE: Is this a raid?","Catherine: It's a homicide investigation.","Grissom: Look, we need you to stop skritching or yiffing or whatever, take off your costumes, and tell us your names.","(Some of the people take off their masks. Soon, the music stops.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- LAB]","(GRISSOM and CATHERINE go through the different animal costumes hanging on racks, smelling them one by one.)","Catherine: Ooh! These costumes are pretty marinated. Smokey could've used some deodorant.","Grissom: Well, you know, pheromones are the basis for mammalian reproduction. When the female is in estrus, the male picks up on her come-get-me scent. But most mammals only copulate seasonally.","Catherine: How boring.","Grissom: For some. No one else in that furpile threw up, right?","Catherine: Uh, Rocky was a target.","(GRISSOM smells a costume and finds it. He holds out the costume paw for CATHERINE.)","Grissom: Smell this.","(CATHERINE smells the paw.)","Catherine: Civet oil and ipecac.","Grissom: So I guess we're looking for a wolf ... in wolf's clothing.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE EPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM]","(GRISSOM interviews MR. LEE.)","Grissom: Mr. Lee, the concentration of ipecac and civet oil on your paws speaks to application, rather than accidental transfer.","Okay. Fine. I ... I mixed up some ipecac and some civet oil and I-I ... I rubbed it on Sexy ... Sexy kitty.","(Quick flashback to: During a fur piling, the wolf puts the smell on Sexy. Sounds of moaning, groaning along with whip noises in the background. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Grissom: Why sexy kitty?","Mr. Lee: 'Cause rocky couldn't get enough of her.","Grissom: What did Rocky do to you?","Mr. Lee: He's a raccoon. They're all lowlifes. I mean, honestly, what do they do? Screw ... eat garbage ... screw some more.","Grissom: Is this a, uh, general observation, or possibly a personal grievance?","Mr. Lee: At last year's convention, Rocky stole my girlfriend.","Grissom: And in the wild, wolves are monogamous, but raccoons are promiscuous.","Mr. Lee: That's right. And I just, I knew, I knew since Sexy Kitty was Rocky's fave, he'd have his filthy raccoon mouth all over her again this year. All I wanted to do was make him sick enough so that he'd have to go home and stop cheating on my mate.","Grissom: Your ex-mate?","Mr. Lee: Yes. I couldn't take seeing what that wanna-be marsupial put her through. My Linda Lamb deserved better.","Grissom: Mr. Lee, you're a wolf. How'd you end up with a lamb?","Mr. Lee: I used to work with Linda. And one day, I found out about what she did on the weekends. And she helped me ... become who I am. I always knew that I was a ... something else. And ... Linda made it real. She was one of a kind.","Grissom: Does, uh, Linda Lamb have a human last name?","Mr. Lee: Jones. Why?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - GARAGE]","(They're back to the car. GRISSOM pries open the trunk. He and CATHERINE see the animal costume in the back.)","Grissom: Linda Jones is Linda Lamb.","Catherine: Damn it. This was here the whole time.","Grissom: Yeah, but evidence without context is not evidence. We had no reason to search the trunk.","Catherine: So she didn't just hit rocky, she knew him.","Grissom: For the philandering raccoon that he was.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- GARAGE]","(GRISSOM is at the map looking at the marked CRASH SITE to LINDA and BOB'S homes.)","Grissom: Okay, assuming that Linda and Bob were heading home after Bob got sick at the hotel, how did he end up on the side of the road?","Catherine: You ever have a car fight?","(GRISSOM turns around to look at CATHERINE.)","Catherine: You know, if a couple has any kind of history together, they know how to press each other's buttons. And you lock 'em up in a metal box with wheels on a bad night, they're going to start pressing 'em. You follow?","(CATHERINE opens the car door.)","Grissom: So, uh, either Bob told Linda to stop the car and let him out, or she told him to start walking?","Catherine: Yes. That one. I mean, it's bad enough that raccoon-boy blows his girlfriend off to go fur-piling -- he gets sick licking some nasty kitty and makes lambchop drive him home.","(CATHERINE starts looking for something in the back car seat.)","Grissom: Which begs the question: Why did she turn the car around and head back toward the hotel?","Catherine: Well, she wasn't heading back to the hotel. She was heading back for him. 'Cause that's how car-fights always end. After about a mile or two, you start to feel guilty that you've abandoned the person, and you turn around. Except she didn't plan on an 18-wheeler finishing her off.","Grissom: Mack truck ex machina.","(CATHERINE finds a match book.)","Grissom: But it still doesn't explain how bob got shot in the back.","Catherine: No ... but I think I may know the last person who saw them alive. Why don't we ask the valet if he saw some ... furriest conventioneers?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY]","(NICK finds SARA and they take a lovely walk through the hallway as they talk about the case.)","Nick: Hey, Sara, no luck on the car, but Hodges ran the gunstock adhesive. It's primarily an epoxy posisin with traces of styrene and benzyl peroxide and ground terra-cotta.","Sara: Is that supposed to mean something to me?","Nick: Terra-cotta's the giveaway. It's a granite glue.","Sara: Granite glue?","Nick: Yeah. It's used for adhering joints on big pieces of stone.","Sara: House paint on his car; granite glue on his gun...","Nick: Well, he used what was available. That's what people do.","Sara: Well, I understand the house paint, but where do you get granite glue?","Nick: I already checked. There's not too many places in clark county that specialize in granite installation, so...","Sara: Okay, I will bet you a double-double animal style that one of them employs a guy with a blue 1984 monte carlo.","Nick: That's a bet.","Sara: Excellent.","(NICK laughs, then follows SARA off camera frame.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[EXT. HOTEL FRONT -- DAY]","(GRISSOM and CATHERINE talk with the VALET. The VALET looks at the photo.)","Valet: Damn straight I remember them. How often do you see a six-foot raccoon heaving out a car window? Dude was hammered, man. His girl... she was pissed.","Grissom: Thank you. You've been very helpful.","Valet: All right, no problem. Hey, I got that.","(The VALET returns to work.)","Catherine: So, there's your car-fight. Now she thinks that he's back on the booze, which he denies, but the sicker he gets, the more she this he's lying.","(Quick flashback to: ROBERT PITT is getting sick. LINDA JONES is just plain angry. The two get into the car.)","Linda Jones: I can't believe you're drinking again. You promised.","Robert Pitt: I was not drinking.","(He closes the car door.)","Robert Pitt: Must be food poisoning.","Linda Jones: (scoffs) Oh? Didn't know they served food in a furpile.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Grissom: The righteously angry versus the wrongly accused.","Catherine: And the battle's just beginning.","(Quick flashback to: [INT. CAR (MOVING) - NIGHT] They continue to argue. ROBERT PITT continues to get sick.)","Linda Jones: Would you just take off the mask and talk to me?!","Robert Pitt: No, just pull over and let me out of the car!","Linda Jones: You want out?","Robert Pitt: Ah ...","(She stops the car.)","Linda Jones: Get out! Just get out!","(ROBERT PITT stumbles out of the car.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Catherine: Okay, so it makes sense up to that point, but then what? He gets out and ... she shoots him?","Grissom: I'm not so sure that people who dress up like cuddly forest creatures carry guns.","Catherine: You don't think they allow plushies in the NRA? All right, then who shot him?","Grissom: Well, we have a grassy knoll ... but no Lee Harvey Oswald.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]","(SARA, NICK and SAM VEGA interview VIRGIL.)","Sam Vega: You're a triple threat -- robbery, kidnapping, murder. Big & best foods, Al Sesto, George Bartell. Any of this resonate?","Virgil: I don't know no al sesto.","(NICK puts photos of the shotgun on the table in front of VIRGIL.)","Sara: Virgil, is that UR shotgun? We found it in your garage. If, uh, you look, you'll see a chip in the stock. We found that in the freezer at the Big & Best foods.","(VIRGIL chuckles.)","(NICK puts a photo of the car on the table.)","Nick: Is this your car? It was also in your garage. It has dual-layered paint, identical to the dual-layered paint chips we found on your kidnap victim.","Sam Vega: Anything to say, tough guy?","Virgil: Yeah. I want a lawyer.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. ROADSIDE -- DAY]","(Various cuts of CATHERINE and GRISSOM looking for the bullet that killed ROBERT PITT.)","(CATHERINE'S metal detector beeps. She kneels down and finds the bullet.)","Catherine: Hey, Grissom. Over here. I found the bullet.","(GRISSOM walks across the street and kneels down to look at the bullet.)","Grissom: Well done. So, we got a sick raccoon with an abdominal through-and-through who was shot from what appears to be a fairly steep trajectory.","Catherine: So, either he was shot by a giant ... or he was, uh, on all fours.","(Quick flashback to: [SITE VIEW] of Rocky Raccoon on his hands and knees. A gunshot rings out and hits the dirt. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Grissom: Or both. I mean, imagine looked like out here at night and from a distance.","(They stand up.)","Grissom: We've been looking for ... a person who shot a person, but ... maybe we should be looking for a person who shot an animal.","(As they look up the road, they see a red truck drive by.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY]","(As they walk VIRGIL out into the hallway, GEORGE BARTELL walks into the police department.)","George: Hey, Virgil. What are you doing here?","Virgil: What am i doing here?","George: Yeah.","Sam Vega: Why, you guys know each other?","George: Yeah, that's my cousin.","Sam Vega: Pahrump?","Virgil: My own blood, and you set me up. After I saved your ass. I should have shot you in that freezer. You son of a bitch!","(He lunges for GEORGE. SAM VEGA holds him back.","Sam Vega: Hey, hey! You looking for more time? Now come on.","(They leave.)","(NICK sighs.)","George Bartell: (shakes his head) Oh, man. I'm so stupid.","Nick: Ah, you're not stupid. Man, your cousin just set you up.","George Bartell: Bowling night.","Nick: Is that where you told him about the vending machines?","(GEORGE nods.)","Sara: And Petey's burger runs?","George Bartell: My own cousin.","Nick: Well ... George, sometimes people, they, uh, disappoint us.","George Bartell: Why?","(NICK stares at GEORGE. SARA, at a loss of even trying to answer that question, shakes her head and looks expectantly at NICK.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. -- DAY]","(Dogs bark in the distance. GRISSOM and CATHERINE are at the home of the man with the red truck.)","Ranger: How you doing? Can I help you?","Grissom: We're with the Las Vegas crime lab. This your place?","Ranger: Yeah. Must be here about that accident. Terrible thing. Like I said to the wife, the way these 18-wheelers fly down here ballin' the Jack, I ain't surprised. I'm surprised there ain't more accidents.","Grissom: Why don't you give us a brief history of your evening?","Ranger: Ah, well, I had dinner with the missus. Uh, fed the scraps to the dogs. Watched Jeopardy. Could hardly hear it, the dogs were, uh, so stirred up. Went outside to take a look, spotted a coyote. This is my business. Purebreds. Wouldn't want to lose one. So, I, uh, took care of it. Came back inside in time for Final Jeopardy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OFFICE -- DAY]","(GRISSOM and CATHERINE fill BRASS in.)","Brass: So the raccoon was mistaken for a coyote. You gotta be kidding me.","Catherine: He was dosed intentionally but killed accidentally.","Grissom: We got the Ranger's rifle, we collected a bullet at the scene, and ballistics made a match.","Catherine: Bob Pitt was sick when he got out of the car, wounded when he got onto the road, and dead when he hit the dirt.","(Quick flashback to: ROBERT PITT gets out of the car and slams the door shut.)","Linda Jones: Get out! Just get out!","(Cut to: Still in his costume, he throws up on the side of the road.)","(High above, the Ranger takes aim and shoots at the \"coyote\". He fires.)","(Cut to: LINDA JONES turns the car around to pick ROBERT PITT up.)","(Cut to: ROBERT PITT crawls up onto the road.)","(He's in the middle of the road as the car approaches.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Brass: Well, the rancher's going to get off, Linda's dead, and Wolfie ... skates with a misdemeanor.","Catherine: We took one look at those furry suits and thought \"foul play,\" but this was really just a domestic dispute gone mad.","Grissom: Hmm. Fur and loathing in Las Vegas.","(Camera pulls down and refocuses on the raccoon figure on the desk next to the badge.)"],"Show Title":"CSI Crime Scene Investigation","Episode Number":"04x05","Episode Title":"Fur and Loathing","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_05x01.json","Recap":["Grissom works on a nightclub shooting with Greg Sanders , who has finally found a replacement in the lab and now only has to pass his final proficiency test, while Catherine investigates a stripper found dead in a hotel room, Warrick investigates a man found electrocuted in his bathtub, and Sara and Nick are called in when an ' alien ' is found in a shallow grave near Area 51 ."],"Transcript":["[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","VARIOUS INTERCUT FLASHES OF","[INT. DANCE CLUB - DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT]","[INT. DANCE CLUB - DANCE FLOOR -- NIGHT]","(The club is filled with people at the bar, on the dance floor.)","[INT. PALERMO -- HOTEL ROOM - BEDROOM - NIGHT]","(The woman walks out of the bathroom in her underwear. The man sits on the bed in his shirts and shorts. The woman walks purposefully toward the man. She smiles at him.)","(She pushes him back on the bed and kisses him.)","[INT. DANCE CLUB - DANCE FLOOR -- NIGHT]","(The club is rocking. At the front door, a man walks through and the metal detector beeps. The Security Guard stops him.)","Security Guard: Whoa-whoa-whoa. What the hell is that?","(The Security Guard searches the Man and finds a switchblade knife on him. He opens it to show him. He confiscates the knife and lets the man through.)","(The Security Guard motions to the next man in line.)","Security Guard: Come on.","(The Next Man in Line walks through the metal detector. The Security Guard motions to the next person in line.)","Security Guard: All right. Keep coming.","FLASH TO:","[EXT. DESERT - NIGHT]","(Two people on motor bikes stop. They take off their helmets. One Man takes out a gun and fires three shots at the nearest sign. The sign reads:","WARNING","RESTRICTED AREA It is unlawful to enter this area without permission of the installation commander. While on this installation, all persons and the property under their control are subject to search.","MILITARY INSTALLATION Sec 27. Internal Security Act of 1957: U.S.C. 797 )","(The second man takes out his gun to fire. He aims and takes a couple steps forward and bumps into a body on the ground.)","Man: What the -- ?","(They both look down and see the body on the ground.)","FLASH TO:","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. HOTEL ROOM - BEDROOM -- NIGHT]","(A man sits down on the bed. He's crying.)","(In the bathroom, the faucet is on filling the tub up with water.)","(The man continues to cry.)","FLASH TO:","[INT. DANCE CLUB - DANCE FLOOR -- NIGHT]","(A person lights a match and sets a Polaroid photo on fire. He holds it up and lets the photo burn.)","(A man in a cap walks up to the doorway and greets the Man in a Suit familiarly.)","Manny Brazil: Yo, Space!","Space: My brother!","Manny Brazil (club Owner): Yo, yo, Man!","(Sirens start to blare.)","Space: Yo, man. When's the blitz?","(Sirens in the club blare and get louder. The Man in the Suit turns around and smiles.)","Manny Brazil (club Owner): Right on time.","(The stage lights turn on and the club is filled with music. The crowd starts to dance where they stand.)","(As the music plays, the GUNMAN holding the burning photo takes out a gun, points it at a man nearby and shoots.)","(The Man falls down to the club floor.)","(The GUNMAN raises the gun and fires at the disco ball up above. He puts a hole in it. It bursts and sparks. The women in the club start screaming.)","[BULLET IN FLESH]","(Quick CGI POV of: The bullet embedded in flesh. The camera moves slowly backward out from the bullet and pulls back out through the flesh and out through the DEAD MAN'S forehead.)","(Camera holds on the dead man on the floor with a single bullet gunshot hole in the center of his forehead.)","[RESUME VIEW]","(Brass looks down at the body and reports to Grissom also standing nearby looking down at the body.)","Brass: So witnesses heard multiple gunshots. (He looks at Grissom.) They think. Because if it was during the Blitz. You know, the lights were out, sirens were going off, search lights, the whole world war ii experience.","Grissom: When exactly did war become a party?","(Brass shrugs.)","(Someone's pager beeps. Both Brass and Grissom check their pagers. Grissom's pager beeps. He checks it and sees:","N419PC","5311 SEPHILL RD.","LAS VEGAS, NV","BODY FOUND","(Grissom and Brass kneel down next to the body. Grissom points to the burn mark near the skin.)","Grissom: Gunshot residue, close range.","(Brass picks up the discarded shell off the floor.)","Brass: .32 auto. Belly got it.","(The metal detector beeps. Grissom looks back and sees an Officer stepping through the door.)","Grissom: How'd they get it through the metal detector?","Brass: Well, uh ...","(Brass's phone rings.)","Brass: Oh, geez.","(He checks his phone.)","Brass: I'll tell you, it's a busy night.","(Grissom finds the burned photo under the dead body. He smells the photo.)","Grissom: This was burned.","(He looks at the photo and sees that it's the photo of a dead body - with the head part burned off. Grissom shows the photo to Brass.)","Brass: Another body?","(Grissom looks at the photo and notes the blood on the floor in the room near the body's feet.)","Grissom: Another murder.","SMASH CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- NIGHT]","(Greg walks through the hallway with Chandra Moore, the new DNA Technician - his replacement.)","Greg: So, there's good news and there's bad news. The bad news is this is the busiest lab in the country.","Chandra Moore: That's why I'm here.","Greg: Oh, I've waited for you forever. I love you!","Nick: (o.s.) Man, if I ever have to search another torched car ...","(Nick walks into the hallway. He's wearing coveralls and irritated as heck.)","Greg: Nick!","(Nick stops and looks back. Greg makes the introductions.)","Greg: This is Chandra.","Chandra Moore: Chandra Moore.","Nick: Oh, yeah. Yeah, the new DNA girl. Right?","(He holds out his hand. She holds out hers. He bumps fists with her. A strange, new ritual for her.)","Chandra Moore: B.S. in bio-chem. M.S. in molecular biology. Five years of service in DNA at the CCL.","(She smiles. Nick doesn't appear all that impressed.)","Nick: O-kay, well, I'm going to go use the no-pressure, no-AC, stinks-of-feet shower. So ... welcome.","(Nick turns and leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM -- NIGHT]","[CLOSE-UP: SARA]","(Sara sighs.)","Sara: So I had some time to think while I was away. Enough time to figure out why I made such a stupid mistake. I-I do not have a drinking problem. I have a, uh, me problem.","(Different angle. We see Sara talking to her reflection in the locker mirror - \"rehearsing\".)","Sara: My P.E.A.P. Counselor suggested that it would be a good idea for me to talk to my supervisor and that's you, Grissom, so ... I never told you about my family. I never told anyone about my family, why would I ...","Greg: (interrupts) Sara?","(Sara turns around and finds Greg and Chandra standing outside the locker room looking in from the hallway. Sara stands up.)","Greg: I want you to meet my replacement. This is Chandra.","Sara: Nice to meet you, Chandra.","Chandra Moore: Likewise.","(But not really. After a beat, Greg smiles at Sara. Chandra starts looking around the area waiting for Greg to move on.)","Greg: (to Sara) So, how was it?","Sara: How was what?","Greg: Well, you took some vacation time, right?","Sara: Yeah, right. It was great.","(Chandra looks completely bored and not interested in Sara.)","Greg: Yeah? Okay.","(Greg motions for Chandra to follow him. Chandra nods at Sara - then follows.)","(Sara smiles back somewhat.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(Greg walks up to someone.)","Greg: Hey, how was it?","(Warrick walks up to them. He's wearing a suit, the tie loosened as if he's just come back from court.)","Warrick: It sucked. I hate lawyers, I hate court. They all need to dry up and die. (He looks at Chandra.) Hi.","(Chandra perks up.)","Chandra Moore: Warrick, right?","Warrick: Yeah.","Chandra Moore: I saw your presentation on longitudinal striations of the toenail in Dallas, A.A.F.S.? Really good work.","Warrick: Thank you. Thank you so much. And you are?","Chandra Moore: Oh, I'm Chandra. Chandra Moore. (Warrick glances at Greg.) I'm the new DNA person.","Greg: Well, that's the plan anyway. Would you like to see the boss's office?","(Greg leads Chandra away. She lingers wanting to talk more with Warrick, completely impressed by him.)","Warrick: Good luck.","Chandra Moore: Thank you.","Warrick: Nice to meet you.","(Warrick walks away.)","Chandra Moore: Same.","(Greg heads over to Grissom's office.)","[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","Greg: Grissom ... I'd like to introduce you to Chandra Moore.","(Grissom turns around. He's wearing a hard hat-type of gizmo with a eye-glass piece attachment on the left side so he can look through it.)","Chandra Moore: Pleased to meet you, sir. I'm a fan.","(Grissom looks up and down at Chandra through the eye piece.)","(Quick POV of: Grissom is looking at Chandra's heat print. Resume back to Grissom.)","Grissom: You're hot.","Chandra Moore: (startled) I-I'm sorry?","Grissom: You're emanating heat. (Grissom takes the hat off.) This is a new infrared camera. It's good for looking at evidence in the dark. (to Greg) Did you get her blood yet?","Chandra Moore: My... (startled) ... why?","Grissom: So many reasons.","Catherine: (o.s.) Grissom! (Catherine walks into the office, walks past Greg and Chandra and straight up to Grissom.) (exasperated) You can't possibly call that thing my office. It's a cupboard.","Grissom: Catherine, have you met Chandra Moore? She'll be doing DNA while Greg's in the field.","(Catherine hardly glances back at Chandra.)","Catherine: Hello, I'm Catherine. (to Grissom) We need to talk.","(Grissom puts his glasses on and picks up a stack of assignment sheets.)","Grissom: Well, not now-- too much work. You have a suspicious death at the Palermo.","(He hands the assignment sheet to Catherine. She glares at him, grabs the sheet, turns and walks out of the office. Warrick walks into the office.)","Grissom: Warrick, trash call at a weekly at Fremont and 12th.","(Nick and Sara wait in the doorway for their assignments.)","Grissom: Nick, Sara, body in a shallow grave, dry lake bed, in Ely, off Groom Lake Road.","(Grissom hands the assignment sheet to Nick. He takes it and looks at it.)","Nick: All right. (to Sara) I'll meet you there.","Grissom: Greg, you're going to be with me, your final proficiency.","(Grissom holds out the assignment sheet to Greg.)","Greg: Great. (to Chandra) Let me show you to your new digs.","(Greg leads Chandra out of the office. As he passes by, Warrick wishes him luck.)","Warrick: (to Greg) Good luck.","Grissom: (to Greg) We leave in five minutes!","Greg: (o.s.) Okay.","(Sara lingers just outside the doorway.)","Sara: Can I talk to you real quick?","Grissom: Certainly. Have you been seeing your P.E.A.P. Counselor?","Sara: (nods) Yeah.","Grissom: How's it going?","Sara: Well, it's been interesting.","(There's a loud crash from the DNA lab. Glass breaks. Sara and Grissom look back at the lab and Greg looks sheepishly back at them through the glass wall. He points back at the mess.)","Sara: (to Grissom) It's going to be a busy night, huh?","Grissom: Mmm.","Sara: We'll talk later.","(Sara starts to leave. Oh, look, the white assignment board is back.)","Grissom: Are you sure?","Sara: (nods) Yeah, yeah.","(Sara leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT]","[INT. PALERMO - HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT]","(Catherine pushes the hotel room door open and walks in. The suspect is covered in blood and yelling at Det. Vartann and an officer as Forensics tries to take a picture of the blood-soaked clothes.)","Carl Johnson: I don't remember, okay? Why don't you believe me? CARL JOHNSON: I swear to god! I did nothing to that woman. I have never seen her before.","Det. Vartann: Relax, relax.","(Catherine looks into the bedroom and sees the dead woman on the bed. There's blood everywhere.)","Det. Vartann: Let's just go over this again.","Carl Johnson: All right, let's go over it again.","Det. Vartann: Tell me what you remember.","Carl Johnson: Nothing. That's what I remember -- nothing.","Det. Vartann: That's it?","Carl Johnson: (to Forensics) Stop taking my picture!","Det. Vartann: Sir, wait here.","(Det. Vartann leaves the suspect and walks over to Catherine.)","Det. Vartann: Hey.","Catherine: Hey.","Det. Vartann: Housecleaning found Mr. Johnson passed out on the bed next to the victim. They alerted security and apparently he just came to.","Catherine: With the worst hangover a guy could ever have.","Det. Vartann: Yeah. He's a golf ball salesman from Ohio.","(Catherine steps closer to the bed.)","Catherine: Massive hemorrhaging.","(She puts her kit down on the floor.)","Catherine: Is this from a single wound? Cracked skull. Did you I.D. her?","Det. Vartann: No I.D. on her.","Catherine: Well, she's got some breast implants. That's for sure.","(Catherine picks up the clear, see-through hand bag on the bed-side table.)","Catherine: I'm going to guess stripper. She's got a locker room key.","(The key number is #323.)","Catherine: We'll trace it back to the club.","(Det. Vartann looks around the room and notes the open refrigerator and alcohol.)","Det. Vartann: Quite a party last night.","Catherine: You can say that again.","(Catherine walks into the bathroom and sees more blood on the wall. She also finds the bathrod with some hair stuck to the bloodied tip.)","(Quick flash to: [EARLIER] Carl Johnson and The Stripper fight. Carl Johnson swings and hits the Stripper across the head. She staggers out of the bathroom, her head bloodied.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","(Catherine looks around the room and back to the body on the bed.)","Catherine: Looks like she went back into the bedroom to call for help.","(Det. Vartann checks his notes.)","Det. Vartann: Well, no calls were made from the room.","(Catherine looks around and takes a closer look at the toilet. She finds the urine on the floor in front of the bowl.)","Catherine: Why is it you guys can never hit the bowl?","Det. Vartann: You know, if this guy took viagra, you're lucky he hit the floor and not the ceiling.","(Det. Vartann looks up at the ceiling.)","Catherine: Right.","(Catherine picks up the bracelet found in the urine puddle. She holds it up.)","Det. Vartann: Sign of a struggle?","Catherine: How does a guy fall asleep after killing a woman?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DANCE CLUB -- NIGHT]","(Brass questions the Club Manager as the Coroners put the body on the gurney.)","Brass: How does somebody get into your club with a gun?","Manny Brazil (club Owner): Don't ask me; ask the metal detector. It's supposed to work.","(He takes a sip of his drink.)","Brass: Ever see the dead guy before?","Manny Brazil (club Owner): No, not me. (He turns around and looks at the girl talking with the two officers.) Hey, Crystal! Hey, baby, you talk to the guy that got capped in your section tonight?","Crystal: No.","(Brass's pager goes off. Grissom and Greg walk into the club.)","Brass: Hey, Gil. Wait. You've got something stuck to your shoe. (beat) Oh, no, it's just Sanders.","(Greg glances back at Brass. David Phillips stops in front of Grissom to report.)","David Phillips: Hey, I went through his pockets. No wallet, no I.D. Uh ... just some cash and these car keys.","(David hands the plastic bag to Grissom.)","David Phillips: It's a rental.","Grissom: Thanks, David.","(Greg looks around the club as Grissom checks the car keys out. The tag reads:","THRIFT-RIGHT","CAR RENTAL )","Greg: I never seen this place with the lights on before. It's kind of like seeing a one-night stand in the morning for the first time.","(Grissom glances back at Greg.)","Greg: (clarifies) Beer goggles.","Grissom: This is your proficiency test, Greg. You might want to work the scene. What do you see?","Greg: Chaos.","Grissom: Look a little closer.","(Grissom shines the flashlight down on the floor. Greg quickly turns on his flashlight too and looks down at the floor.)","Greg: Cartridge casings.","(He walks and looks around the area.)","(Cut to: Greg looks up at the ceiling.)","Greg: Bullet impact.","Grissom: We haven't recovered the gun yet, so ... ?","(Greg sighs.)","Greg: Victim was shot at close range ... in a crowd. Witnesses say there was a stampede. It's a good time to ditch a gun. Maybe it's still here.","Grissom: Good.","(Grissom turns and heads for the door. Greg appears surprised.)","Greg: Where are you going?","Grissom: Don't worry about me; worry about you. It's going to be a long night.","(Grissom turns and leaves Greg standing in the center of the crime scene.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","(Warrick's SUV turns into the parking lot.)","[INT. TOD MOTOR MOTEL - HALLWAY TO ROOM - NIGHT]","(Warrick holds his flashlight up to light his way through the darkened hallway.)","(Det. Cavaliere and the Super both walk up to him.)","Det. Cavaliere: Hey, power went out about an hour ago.","Super: I checked the circuit box. Blown fuse, room 39. That's when I found him.","(The Super turns and heads back to Room 39. Warrick starts to follow the Super.)","Warrick: All right.","(One of the motel room doors open.)","Female Tenant: Hey! We need some AC. I got kids in here.","Det. Cavaliere: We're working on it, ma'am. We'll have someone up very soon, okay?","(The Detective follows them.)","[INT. TOD MOTOR MOTEL - ROOM 39 - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(The Super walks into the bathroom door and points to the bathtub.)","(Warrick walks in and sees the man in the bathtub, the water up to his neck, the hot plate down at his feet.)","Warrick: Well, there's what blew your fuse.","Det. Cavaliere: Hot plate? Electrocution. That's a quick way to go.","Warrick: Not always.","(Warrick snaps a couple of photos of the body.)","Super: That's hardly our first suicide.","Warrick: You think it's a suicide?","Super: Oh, come on, this loser? He's been here four weeks. He only paid for two. Wore the same clothes every day. No family, no friends.","Det. Cavaliere: You got a name?","Super: Lance \"I'll have it for you tomorrow\" Frazer. I was going to throw him out in the morning.","(The overhead lights go back on.)","Super: Oh, thank god.","(Warrick checks the dead body's wrists and finds scars.)","Warrick: Yeah, he's got some old school suicide scars.","(Warrick snaps a photo.)","Super: Told you. Loser.","Det. Cavaliere: Looks like he was getting ready to skip town on you.","(Det. Cavaliere looks around the bedroom.)","(The Super sees the open suitcase.)","(Quick flash to: [NIGHT] Lance Frazer sits on his bed and cries.)","(He sees the hot plate on the television set.)","(Cut to: He sits down in the bathtub and holds the hot plate over the water.)","(He drops the hot plate in the water.)","(He groans.)","(Quick CGI POV to: The camera follows the electrical current through the wiring in the hot plate. It sizzles as it follows the lines.)","(The current hits the water and we hear gurgling. The water bubbles and sizzles.)","(The camera travels out from the hot plate through the water and up to Lance Fraser who spazzes as he's being electrocuted.)","(End of flash. Resume to present.)","(Det. Cavaliere looks through the suitcase and finds a bible. He puts the bible down and opens it. Warrick steps out of the bathroom and watches him.)","Warrick: For inspiration or for last rites?","(Det. Cavaliere looks at Warrick.)","(Warrick picks up Lance Fraser's trousers and shakes it. We hear the jingling of coins in his pants pockets.)","(Warrick pulls out the wallet from the pocket. He hands it to Det. Cavaliere. The Det. checks the wallet.)","Det. Cavaliere: Wallet's empty.","(The Super stands nearby and watches.)","(Warrick empties the pockets.)","Warrick: Pack of cigarettes, sweetener, and a hot dog wrapper.","Det. Cavaliere: Doesn't add up to much.","(Warrick turns and looks around the room. He sees the fake flower lei on the bedside table. Something he recognizes, perhaps.)","Warrick: I wouldn't be so sure.","(Warrick raises the camera and takes a photo of the lei.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. NEVADA DESERT (STOCK) - DAY]","[EXT. DRY LAKE BED, ELY OFF GROOM LAKE ROAD -- DAY]","(Sara ducks under the tape Nick holds up for her.)","Sara: You are so late. What happened to you?","Nick: I'm late?","(Det. Travis walks up to them.)","Det. Travis: Sara Sidle and Nick Stokes.","Nick: Yeah.","(He introduces himself.)","Det. Travis: Detective Travis. I'm ex-LAPD homicide.","Sara: Nice to meet you.","Det. Travis: Nice to meet you.","(Just outside the crime scene tape are a group of people holding up signs.)","Sara: Who are these people?","Det. Travis: Uh, concerned citizens. Come on, right this way, please.","(Det. Travis leads them to the site. Sara turns back and looks at the people protesting. A couple of them are dressed in silver space suits complete with helmets.)","Det. Travis: The weather's been pretty bad out here. I don't know if you're going to find much. A couple of teenagers were out here last night shooting off their dads' guns. One of them ... tripped over this thing.","(They reach the grave site.)","Nick: These kids thought they'd found a real space alien.","Det. Travis: Yeah, we were the second call they made. The first one was to Dan Rather ... who I don't think is coming.","Sara: Who called in the space people?","Det. Travis: From what I understand, they're always out here. See this guy in the silver lam\u00e9? He put it on the \"watch the skies\" web site. It's been a freaking free-for-all ever since then. You know where you are, right?","(He points to his right, a vast expanse of dry land.)","Sara: Area 51.","Det. Travis: It's the most secretive piece of real estate in the world. This is about as close to the base as we can get and still be on public land.","(Nick sees something. He walks over to the side and snaps a photo.)","Det. Travis: I guess the killer should've dug a deeper hole.","Nick: Not with a short-handled shovel.","(He picks up the shovel and shows it to them.)","Sara: Not to mention Nevada Desert is compact dirt, not sand. People usually give up before they hit three feet.","Nick: Got some paint ... maybe. Something for Hodges. One thing's for sure: It's going to take a lot longer getting him out than it did getting him in.","Det. Travis: Can't you guys just beam him back to the morgue?","(Sara turns and looks at Nick. Nick smiles and shakes his head.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. PALERMO -- NIGHT]","(Catherine dusts for fingerprints as Det. Vartann continues to question Carl Johnson.)","Carl Johnson: I-I-I don't know how many times you want to ask me. I woke up this morning like this. Well, the handcuffs are new.","Det. Vartann: Anything you want to add?","(Catherine finds a print.)","Carl Johnson: No, I don't want to add anything!","Det. Vartann: You don't remember anything?","Carl Johnson: No, you know what? For the last time, I don't remember, okay?","Det. Vartann: Okay.","Carl Johnson: She ... she must have slipped me something.","(Catherine steps out of the bathroom. She takes her gloves off.)","Catherine: You sure it wasn't the booze?","Carl Johnson: I don't touch mini bars. That bitch drugged me.","Catherine: Well, if she drugged you, sir, it'll still be in your system. A blood test would be in your best interest.","[EXT. ROOFTOP PARKING LOT - DAY]","(Grissom walks up to the car and uses the car rental key to turn the car off.)","(He opens the door and looks inside. He photographs the answering machine inside. He sees there are nine messages.)","(He opens the back door and finds some cord on the car floor. He snaps a photo of it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NIGHT CLUB - DAY]","(Various dissolves of Greg looking around the bar. He works from the back and makes his way forward.)","(Greg stands on the outside of the railing. He sees something inside the light container. He reaches inside and pulls out the gun.)","(He opens the cartridge.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]","(Catherine walks into the room.)","Robbins: Her mother's coming from Reno to claim her.","Catherine: I know. Vartann called. Nicole Richards, 25. Her stage name is Raven. We traced the locker room key to the Embassy Strip Club. Your turn.","Robbins: Sharp-force laceration to the frontal scalp with underlying fracture to the frontal calvarium. Cause of death, contusion to the brain and subdural hemorrhaging. Tox screen pegged her alcohol content at .30.","Catherine: That's almost four times the legal limit.","Robbins: Chronic drinking tends to cause a reduction in platelets. It thins out the blood and retards clotting.","Catherine: That would explain why there was so much blood at the scene.","Robbins: The only other thing I found ... was a swollen ankle.","(Robbins lifts up the sheet to show Catherine the black and blue ankles.)","Catherine: Well, you ever try shaking your ass in four-inch heels? (beat) Don't answer that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - ROOM 2 - DAY]","(David Phillips washes his hands at the sink in the eerily quiet autopsy room. Static and electronic crackling is heard. David stops and turns to look at the \"alien\" body on the examining table in the next room. Not hearing it, he continues to wash his hands.)","(Again, he hears crackling and static sounds that are definitely coming from the body in the next room.)","(David turns the faucet off and wipes his hand with a tissue. He slowly walks over to the check on the body. He walks up to the glass and stares at the body on the table.)","(He doesn't hear anything. He chuckles softly to himself, turns and takes a step away from the body.)","(The crackling, static-y noises resume.)","(David turns around. It's definitely coming from the body on the table in the next room.)","(David walks over to check it out.)","(He walks up to the body and leans in very, very close.)","(The feedback resumes.)","Sara: (o.s.) We think it's a hearing aid.","(Sara's standing right behind him. David stands up, startled, but tries to be cool about it.)","David Phillips: Good. Yeah.","Sara: Yeah. It's out of juice.","David Phillips: Yeah.","Nick: Hearing aids have unique serial numbers, Super Dave.","(Nick leans in close and blows at the body's ear. He removes the hearing aid. The number reads: CN Resound 710.)","(Nick drops the hearing aid in a metal tray. David puts it aside.)","Nick: If you get this to Detective Travis, he should be able to run it down for us.","(That done, they go over the body.)","David Phillips: Arachnodactyly. Abnormally long fingers.","Sara: Hmm.","(Sara removes the watch from the dead body's wrist. She looks at it. It's a Seiko watch.)","Sara: David, I know where he's from.","Nick: Hmm?","Sara: Planet Seiko. (She flips the watch over to show the inscription on the back.) E.T.","Nick: You've got to be kidding me.","(Nick finds a slip of paper tucked in the dead body's clothing.)","Nick: Oh, you're going to love this. (reading) \"Like a blinding supernova, your love is blasted throughout the universe. Two spirits become one by the power of the sun, the moon, and all the planets of the universe.\"","(Sara finds the edge of the dead body's mask. She lifts it up and reads the imprint on the underside of the mask: PROPERTY OF BIG CITY COSTUMES.)","Sara: Big City Costumes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - A\/V LAB -- DAY]","(Grissom is working on the Polaroid, digitized and in the computer. He grids the photo on the monitor. Greg walks into the lab.)","Greg: Hey, Grissom. Is that the burnt Polaroid from the nightclub?","Grissom: Yeah. I just scanned it in.","Greg: Bobby Dawson confirms that this .32 auto from the club is indeed the murder weapon. He's running it through NCIC and pawn shops.","(Greg hands the gun in the plastic bag to Grissom. Grissom sees something on the gun.)","Grissom: What's this blue stuff on the slide and the grip?","(Greg leans in to look at the blue stuff. He doesn't answer Grissom.)","Grissom: It's okay to say you don't know, Greg. That's why we have a trace lab.","(Grissom hands the gun back to Greg. Greg takes the gun and leaves the lab. Grissom returns to working on the Polaroid. He grids the photo and enhances an object on the floor. It's a prescription pill bottle. Grissom works to enhance the label.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. GOLDEN NUGGET CASINO -- MAIN FLOOR -- DAY]","(The alarms wail and the people cheer as confetti falls to the floor. The woman raises her arms high in the air in celebration as she screams at her large win.)","Woman: Whoo!","(Warrick stands off to the side and watches.)","(The manager arrives. He places a plastic lei around the woman's neck. The same kind of lei found in Lance Frazer's motel room.)","Casino Manager: There you go! Congratulations.","(He kisses her cheek.)","Announcer: All right. On behalf of the Golden Nugget, let me congratulate you.","(The manager leaves the woman and walks up to Warrick.)","Warrick: You know how long I've played here and I've never gotten laid?","Casino Manager: Hey, Warrick, how you doing?","Warrick: Good.","Casino Manager: Listen, we've got your favorite 21 table ready for you over there, okay?","Warrick: Tricks are for kids, man. I don't play games anymore.","Casino Manager: Then what are you doing here?","Warrick: I'm working on a case. Did anyone hit a big jackpot here yesterday?","Casino Manager: Yeah, guy won 50 g on that big machine over there.","Warrick: 50 g?","Casino Manager: Uh-huh.","Warrick: Did he look like this?","(Warrick shows the Manager a enlarged copy of the driver's license:","ARIZONA DRIVER LICENSE","LICENSE 236508522","EXPIRES: 11\/08\/2006 CLASS D s*x M","EYES BL HEIGHT 5-11","HAIR BLN WEIGHT 185","BIRTHDATE 11\/08\/1965","LANCE FRAZER","2525 N. SALTON SEA","PHOENIX, AZ 85203","Casino Manager: Yep, that's him.","Warrick: Do you remember about what time that was?","Casino Manager: Midnight. That was the end of my shift. Looks like he needed it, too.","Warrick: Really?","Casino Manager: Yeah, dirty clothes, serious B.O.","Warrick: Funkier than James Brown, huh?","Casino Manager: Big time. Don't be a stranger.","Warrick: Good to see you, man.","(The Casino Manager leaves. Warrick heads on his way.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - DNA LAB - DAY]","(Catherine walks into the DNA lab with her samples.)","Catherine: Blood standard, unknown urine, tell me it's the same guy. Now, Greg mentioned to you that my stuff gets done first, right?","Chandra Moore: Yeah, well, in my lab, I decide what gets run and when. Unless Mr. Grissom tells me otherwise.","Catherine: It's uh, quiet in here. Greg played music.","Chandra Moore: Well, I find it distracting.","(Jacqui Franco walks into the lab with her print results.)","Jacqui Franco: Hit on your fingerprint from the Palermo.","Catherine: Carl Johnson?","(She hands the results to Catherine.)","Jacqui Franco: Nope, George Craven. Ex-con. Record for domestic violence.","(The sheet reads: on the left is a {photo} on the right is the information CRAVEN, GEORGE)","Catherine: Runs security at the Embassy Strip Club.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY- DAY]","(Brass, Grissom and an Officer exit the parked car. They walk up the front walk to the house.)","[INT. WILLARD RESIDENCE - FOYER - DAY]","(Brass kicks the door in. The officer stands next to him, both their guns are up and out. Grissom is behind them.)","Brass: Mr. Willard! Las Vegas, police. We have a warrant. (to Bobby) Go around the back, Bobby.","(Bobby turns and leaves to go around the back. Brass and Grissom step into the house.)","Brass: You get this address off a pill bottle?","Grissom: Herpes.","Brass: Huh?","Grissom: There was a prescription for valacyclovin. I cross-referenced the pharmacy logo.","(There's a loud clatter coming from the front door. Grissom and Brass turn. Greg sheepishly stands upright after tripping in the doorway.)","Greg: Sorry. I'm late.","(Brass and Grissom continue on through the house. Greg follows from behind.)","(Brass walks into the next room and finds the body on the floor.)","Brass: Polaroid doesn't do him justice.","(Quick flash of: The Polaroid picture of the body burns. End of flash. Resume to present.)","(Brass steps further into the room. Grissom walks over to the body. He notices that cord tied around the dead body's neck.)","Grissom: Same kind of wire I found in the first victim's car.","(Brass finds a photo BANKMASTER credit card on the desk.","UNION INTERSTATE BANK","KEN WILLARD )","Brass: Ken Willard.","Greg: Yeah, I recognize that guy in the picture. (He points to the framed photo on the shelf.) From blitzkrieg? Manny, the club owner. So our first victim ...","(Quick flash to: [INT. WILLARD RESIDENCE - DAY] The killer chokes Ken Willard.)","Greg: (V.O.) ... strangled this guy with wire, ...","(Flash to: The killer photographs the body.)","Greg: (V.O.) ... photographs it ...","(Flash to: [CLUB] The killer holds the photo.)","Greg: (V.O.) ... takes it to the club, burns it for some reason, and then takes one between the eyes himself?","(Someone kills the killer.)","(End of flash. Resume to present.)","Grissom: Bring me the head of John the Baptist.","[Note: Matthew 14:8 & Mark 6:24-25]","(Brass shrugs.)","Grissom: Salome -- wanted proof that he was dead. They didn't have Polaroids back then.","Brass: So you're saying our first victim was a hired killer. Hired by whom?","Greg: Whoever shot him?","(Brass considers it. Grissom turns to look at Greg and Brass.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CHURCH -- DAY]","(Brian is dressed in an alien costume complete with head extension and jewel in the center of his forehead. He stands on stage and talks with a crowd.)","Brian (as alien minister): (lisping) And like a blinding supernova, your love is blasting throughout the universe. Two spirits have become one. Earthling to earthling.","(Nick and Sara walk into the room and take seats at the back.)","Brian (as alien minister): (lisping) ... So ... by the power of the sun and the moon and all the planets in the universe, and the great State of Nevada, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss that bride.","(The couple kiss as the guests applaud.)","Brian (as alien minister): (lisping) There you go.","Sara: Don't get all misty on me, now.","SHORT TIME CUT TO:","(Sara and Nick talk with Brian as he removes his head extension.)","Brian: So the deceased's costume was similar to mine, you say?","Nick: Yeah, identical. Manufactured by Big City Costumes.","(Brian removes his head extension.)","Nick: Specifically designed for this chapel.","Brian: Yeah, that's who makes them. I guess I shouldn't be so surprised -- things get stolen from he all the time. Them sci-fi nuts, you know, they're big collectors.","Nick: Do the initials E.T. mean anything to you?","Brian: No, just the ...","Alien Minister's Wife: Honey, we have a 3:00.","Brian: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.","Nick: So business is good?","Brian: Oh, yes, never better. You know, I mean, people, they come to Vegas to get rich or to get hitched. I mean, you know, that's not why we do it, though. Is it, honey?","(The Alien Minister's Wife shakes her head.)","Brian: We believe in love, you know, in just whatever form it might take. Are you two married?","Sara: No.","Brian: No? All right, well, we're open 24 hours. There's a toll-free number right there on the back, all right? (He hands the brochure to Sara.) Don't let this moment pass you by. (to Nick) She's gonna getcha.","(Brian and his wife stand and leave.)","(Nick chuckles.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. WEDDING WONDERLAND - SIDEWALK - DAY]","(Nick and Sara step out of the Wedding Wonderland Chapel and out onto the sidewalk. A man dressed as Al Capone approaches them.)","Al Capone: Hey! You kids don't want to get married by Spock or whatever his name is in there. What would your mother say? Here.","(He hands them a flyer.)","(They look around and see the other chapel gimmicks standing out on the sidewalk trying to drum up business. They see the pink Cadillac in the garage.)","Elvis: (over p.a.) Come on, all you hound dogs, get married by the king at the Burnin' Love Wedding Chapel.","Nick: Viva Las Vegas, man.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY]","(Catherine and Det. Vartann interview George Craven. Catherine puts a morgue photo of Raven on the table.)","Det. Vartann: How do you explain your fingerprint on the murder weapon?","George Craven: I don't need to explain anything. I didn't kill her.","Catherine: Thumbprint on the towel bar?","George Craven: In the bathroom at the Palermo?","Catherine: Yeah.","George Craven: Yeah, I was in there. I took a leak. Come on, Raven's my girl, all right? She always had me check out her money.","Catherine: You let your girlfriend turn tricks?","George Craven: Two grand to do some mid-western chump? She wouldn't turn it down, and I wasn't gonna stop her.","(Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Raven dances on Carl Johnson.)","George Craven: (V.O.) Dude stumbled in from the Acid Drop ready to go.","(Raven glances back at George who leans against the wall at the back of the room.)","(Carl Johnson pays George.)","George Craven: (V.O.) He seemed harmless. I used the facility before I left.","(He misses the toilet. He grabs the towel bar.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","George Craven: Then I bounced. I was cool with her way of life. But I didn't want to stay and watch.","(Catherine notes the wounds on George Craven's hand.)","Catherine: Fresh wounds. You get those kicking guys out of the embassy, or ... kicking your girlfriend's ass? I don't think that you were cool with her ways. A big, strong guy like you, you're not gonna share her. She didn't tell you where she was going. You followed her, and you killed her.","(Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] GEORGE CRAVEN bursts into the hotel room to find Raven in bed with Carl Johnson.)","George Craven: You little slut!","(Raven scrambles off the bed. George Craven runs into the bathroom and grabs the bath bar.)","Raven: No! Please","(He swings and hits her on the head. She scrambles to her feet and runs out of the bathroom.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","George Craven: I need a lawyer.","Catherine: I need your clothes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY]","(Chandra Moore is in the DNA lab working. Grissom and Greg are both watching her. Grissom turns to Greg.)","Grissom: So, you like her?","Greg: I like not being her anymore.","(Hodges joins them.)","David Hodges: The sticky substance in the slide of your gun is tape adhesive. What about the blue coloring? Chloromide M.E.A., Sodium lauryl sulfate, pine oil. Components of your basic bathroom disinfectant.","Grissom: So, Greg, how do you explain adhesive and toilet bowl cleanser on the gun?","Greg: I don't know. I can tell you the toilets in the club had blue water.","Grissom: You inspected the toilet bowls for evidence?","Greg: Well, when you got to go, you got to go.","David Hodges: Whew.","Grissom: At a crime scene, Greg?","David Hodges: Everybody knows you hold it.","Grissom: You go across the street or next-door, somewhere other than the scene, until you've cleared the restroom. Did you clear the restroom?","Greg: No.","Grissom: Well, you could've flushed away evidence, wiped away fingerprints from the handle. Make sure you include this in your field notes.","(Grissom walks away. Hodges turns and looks at Greg.)","David Hodges: I like Chandra. She's cute.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE -- DAY]","(Brass interviews Manny Brazil, the Club Owner. Manny paces the floor in front of Brass' desk.)","Brass: The .32 automatic we found at your club, the serial numbers were filed off. I mean, you know better than anyone, that's a felony. Lucky for us, the crime lab recovered the numbers.","Manny Brazil: Hey, look, that gun was stolen out of my desk last week.","Brass: So what's this, \"The dog ate my homework\"?","(Manny sits down across Brass' desk.)","Manny Brazil: Come on, man, think about it. Why would I kill somebody in my own club? I still got yellow tape across the front door.","Brass: What do you care? You only own ten percent of the club. Ken Willard owns the rest.","Manny Brazil: Yeah, but the guy's not around. Besides ... things change.","Brass: You're damn right they do. He's dead.","Manny Brazil: What? Wait-wait-wait, you don't think that I had any ... no.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. THE ACID DROP - BAR - DAY]","(Catherine walks in and heads for the bartender.)","Catherine: Hi. Chris here?","Bartender: You are ... ?","Catherine: I'm Catherine.","Bartender: Oh, right, you must be his cop friend.","(Chris walks out from the back room. He closes the door behind him and heads toward Catherine.)","Chris Bezich: Hey.","Catherine: Hi.","Chris Bezich: You should've told me you were coming down. (They kiss.) What's going on?","Catherine: I'm checking out an alibi. Was this guy in here last night?","(Catherine shows Chris a copy of the Ohio Driver License for Carl Johnson. It reads:","OHIO DRIVER LICENSE","BOB TAFT, GOVERNOR","FRANKLIN R. CALTRIDER, REGISTRAR BMV","CARL JOHNSON","2640 HIPSHOT DRIVE","COLUMBUS, OH 43208","LICENSE NO. RT2477091","SS NUMBER NON-E-","BIRTHDATE 04\/23\/64","ISSUE DATE 04\/23\/02","EXPIRES ON BIRTHDAY 06","NONRENEWABLE DOCUMENTATION REQUIRED s*x M HT 5-10 WT 170 HAIR BRN","Chris Bezich: Yeah, he was, uh, belligerent, drunk -- he was groping every waitress in the place. We sent him over to the strip joint next-door. It was more his speed.","(Catherine's phone rings. She checks the message.)","Chris Bezich: You're busy. Am I gonna see you tonight?","(She closes the phone.)","Catherine: I'm working late.","Chris Bezich: Me, too.","(Catherine smiles and nods at him. She turns and leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]","(Various cuts of Warrick working in the lab. He examines the hot plate and finds some burned substance on it. He removes the substance.)","(Cut to: He's scanned the substance into the computer and works on the computer.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NIGHT CLUB - BATHROOM - STALL -- DAY]","(Grissom and Greg are in the bathroom stall. Greg closes the toilet cover and removes the toilet lid. They find duct tape.)","Greg: Duct tape.","(Greg grabs his kit and opens it.)","Greg: So the shooter stuck the gun in the toilet earlier to avoid the metal detector.","(Quick flashback to: [STALL] Someone tapes the gun to the inside of the toilet. End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Grissom: Echoes of Michael Corleone.","(Greg removes the duct tape from the toilet.)","Greg: So if Manny is the shooter, why would he need to hide his own gun?","Grissom: He wouldn't. So what are you gonna do now?","Greg: Check for prints.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY]","(Nick and Sara walk into the lab. Sara picks up the file folder and looks through it.)","Chandra Moore: Please don't do that.","Sara: Oh, sorry. Uh, I was just looking for our alien DNA analysis.","(Nick looks through the scope.)","Chandra Moore: Not yet.","(He looks at Chandra.)","Nick: Come on, where's your intellectual curiosity?","Chandra Moore: I hardly considered it a priority.","Sara: It's very neat in here. You're very neat, Chandra.","(The printer prints out the results. Chandra turns to get it.)","Chandra Moore: Thank you.","(David Hodges steps into the lab to report to Nick and Sara.)","David Hodges: Your shovel from the desert?","(He looks over at Chandra and sees her struggling to pull the print sheets out of the printer.)","David Hodges: Dug into the paint history of somebody's car.","(Quick flash of: The side of a car. End of quick flash.)","David Hodges: Black enamel undercoats, general motors, '60s vintage. Three layers of primer plus a acrylic top, pink.","Sara: A pink cadillac?","(Quick flash of: The pink Cadillac in the garage. End of quick flash.)","(Det. Travis steps into the DNA lab to report to Nick and Sara. It's getting to be a party in the DNA lab.)","Det. Travis: Hey. E.T. phoned home. I got an I.D. off the hearing aid. (David Hodges looks over at Chandra Moore.) Our alien is Reverend Edward Thomas of 49 Stuart Street.","Sara: Oh, the Chapel of Intergalactic Love.","Nick: We've already been there.","Det. Travis: Well, if the reverend is dead, who's running the place?","(Irritated by all the interruptions, Chandra has had enough.)","Chandra Moore: Could you please take this somewhere else?","Nick: We know where there's a pink cadillac. (Elvis imitation) Thank ya. Thank ya very much.","(Nick and Sara turn and leave the lab. Chandra sighs.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - A\/V LAB -- DAY]","(Archie Johnson goes over the security camera video footage with Catherine. On the monitor is George Craven walking through the hotel hallway.)","Archie Johnson: I got the stripper's boyfriend on camera.","(He pauses the video.)","Archie Johnson: If he just killed somebody, he's being really cool about it.","Catherine: Yeah, and he didn't change his clothes from last night. I screened them for blood -- negative. And the tox report on Mr. Johnson confirms traces of triazelam in his blood.","Archie Johnson: So golf ball salesman was too doped up to kill her. The boyfriend couldn't have bludgeoned her without getting blood on his clothes.","Catherine: No.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -LAB - DAY]","(Det. Cavaliere walks into the lab to report to Warrick.)","Det. Cavaliere: Hey. If Lance Frazer won fifty grand, I can't find it. It's not in his room, no bank account, no car.","Warrick: What time did the super say the electricity went out?","Det. Cavaliere: 12:30.","Warrick: 12:30? How does a broke-ass guy like lance lose fifty grand in thirty minutes?","Det. Cavaliere: Had to take him ten minutes just to walk back home.","Warrick: Well, they say gamblers are creatures of habit. I bet you lance did the same thing every day. Win or lose. I'm going to need to take a walk in this guy's shoes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS STRIP - NIGHT]","(Warrick stops on the sidewalk and looks at the casinos' flashing lights. He walks down the sidewalk and sees a Cigar Vendor.)","Warrick: Hey, captain.","Cigar Vendor: Yo.","Warrick: Do you sell Clark cigarettes?","Cigar Vendor: Yeah, I do. (He reaches for a pack.) You know, you've got to be the only other guy in Vegas that smokes these sticks?","Warrick: Really?","Cigar Vendor: Yeah.","Warrick: Is this the other guy?","(He shows the vendor the photo of Lance Frazer.)","Cigar Vendor: That's him. He's here every night. Big spender. Pays me in quarters.","(Warrick nods.)","INTERCUT WITH:","[INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT]","(Greg works on the duct tape in the lab. He looks for a print. He finds a print.)","[EXT. LAS VEGAS STRIP - SIDEWALK - NIGHT]","(Warrick walks along and finds a sidewalk table with Omnicose Sweetener packets, the same packets found in Lance Frazer's room.)","[INT. - NIGHT]","(Close-up of parts of the pink Cadillac. Nick looks at the side of the car and sees something.)","Nick: Sara.","(Sara joins him and looks at the car side.)","Nick: Let's go talk to the king.","[EXT. LAS VEGAS STRIP - SIDEWALK - NIGHT]","(Warrick walks up to the hot dog vendor.)","Warrick: Hey, pop. Like the buddha said to the monk, make me one with everything.","Hot Dog Vendor: Sure thing, boss. Coming right up.","Warrick: Were you working last night?","Hot Dog Vendor: Nope. I don't usually work this stand.","Warrick: Who does?","Hot Dog Vendor: Some punk kid. Just up and quit last night. Left the stand sitting right here.","Warrick: Really? Would you happen to know where this punk kid lives?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. HALBURT RESIDENCE -- APARTMENTS - NIGHT]","(Officers with their weapons out converge on the apartment #130.)","(Det. Cavaliere pounds on the door.)","Det. Cavaliere: Daniel Halburt! We've got a warrant to search the premises! Open up!","(The door opens. A young kid with gold chains around his neck looks out.)","Daniel Halburt: Yeah, what up, man?","(Det. Cavaliere grabs him and pulls him out of the apartment.)","Det. Cavaliere: Get out!","Daniel Halburt: (surprised) Hey, man!","(Det. Cavaliere steps into the apartment and checks it out.)","Det. Cavaliere: Clear!","Warrick: Clear!","(The officer outside handcuffs Daniel Halburt.)","Warrick: Whoo! Would you look at the size of this flat screen? My lord, that's a whole month of my pay right there. A new playstation? A brand-new stereo?","(Warrick sees the hot dog vendor uniform on the side. He picks it up.)","Warrick: You must have sold a lot of hot dogs last night, huh?","(He sees the burn on the uniform.)","Warrick: Did you get that from Lance? You know, your old friend. Did you sell a lot of hot dogs him?","(Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Lance Frazer sees the hot dog vendor.)","Lance Frazer: I finally hit. Fifty large, cash.","(He shows Daniel Halburt the cash.)","Lance Frazer: Kick back in the tub, pay off that shifty super, and I'm checking into the Bellagio.","(He takes his hot dog and leaves.)","(End of flash.)","Daniel Halburt: I gambled every day of my life. I never won a damn thing.","(Quick flashback to: [FRAZER'S MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT] The door opens. Daniel Halburt walks in. He picks up the hot plate and goes into the bathroom. He burns his hot dog vendor uniform.)","Daniel Halburt: Tell me where the money is.","(Lance Frazer looks up scared and shakes his head. Daniel Halburt drops the hot plate into the tub. Lance Frazer is electrocuted.)","(End of flash. Resume to present.)","Daniel Halburt: He should have just showed me where the money was. It was in the bible.","Warrick: Take this guy out of here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","(Brian, who is now dressed as Elvis, presides over another marriage. Sara and Nick walk into the chapel and watch from the back.)","Brian (as Elvis): So as the one and only king of rock and roll, I now pronounce you, husband and wife. You get over there and kiss that bride! All right! There we go!","Sara: Does Elvis look familiar to you?","(Brian lifts his Elvis glasses off and sees them standing in the back. Sara waves to him. Nick nods.)","Guest: (b.g.) That's the stuff!","Guest: (b.g.) Do karate if you do, right? Guest: (b.g.) Viva Las Vegas Viva Las Vegas","Brian (as Elvis): That's right, that's right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT]","(Nick and Sara interview Brian.)","Nick: You want to tell us about the scratch on your cadillac?","Brian: (lisping) I mean, come on. That's more than just a scratch. I mean, it's nothing compared to the vandalism or the stress. I mean, come on. It's a war out there, you know? Marriage is money in this town and every chapel owner wants more. I mean, last month, middle of the \"I Do's,\" a rock comes flying through my stained glass.","Sara: Were you in a war with Ed Thomas?","Nick: We found the shovel near the body. The paint transfer matches your car.","Brian: Well, I guess Ed was at war with me.","(Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Ed takes the shovel and scratches the side of the Cadillac with it. End of flash. Resume to present.)","Brian: I mean, I was looking for a truce.","(Quick flashback to: [ED'S RESIDENCE] Brian walks into the small apartment. Ed's sitting in front of the television set.)","Brian: (V.O.) At first I thought that he was ignoring me, and then I remembered about his hearing problem.","Brian: Ed, I want to talk to you.","(Brian takes off his glasses and steps into the apartment.)","Brian: (louder) Ed, I want to talk to you.","(Brian checks Ed, but he's dead.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Brian: He was dead when I got there, I swear it. It must have been a heart attack or something. And so I took him out to Area 51 and then I buried him.","Sara: Why would you possibly take him all the way out there?","Brian: Because it's what he would have wanted.","Nick: And so then you just took over his business?","Brian: Yeah, well, I mean, it seemed like a good idea at the time, you know? Keep spreading the love.","Sara: The coroner determined that Ed suffered from Marfan syndrome, similar to Abe Lincoln.","Nick: Abnormally long fingers, arms, legs, scoliosis.","Brian: So, what does that got to do with me?","Sara: The syndrome weakened Ed's abdominal aorta. When you found him, he wasn't dead, he was unconscious. He was bleeding internally.","Nick: Yeah, the coroner found dirt in his stomach and his upper airways, underneath his fingernails.","(Quick flash to: Camera zooms out to Area 51 and down into the dirt. We see Ed Thomas open his eyes, looks around, and open his mouth to scream.)","(Quick CGI POV of: Camera zooms into Ed Thomas' mouth, down his throat, turns around and we see that it fill quickly with dry dirt.)","(End of flashes. Resume to present.)","Nick: He died from asphyxia, all right, but it was post-burial.","(Brian's eyes widen in horror and he starts to cry.)","Brian: I think I'm going to be sick. I'm sorry.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. THE PALERMO - HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT]","(Catherine returns to the bathroom with an ALS. She puts her kit down.)","Catherine: Hit the lights.","(Det. Vartann turns the lights off. She looks down at the smudge of blood on the floor.)","Catherine: The victim had a swollen ankle. What if this bracelet is an anklet?","(Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] In her bare feet, Raven slips on the urine on the floor and hits her head on the bath bar.)","(Raven staggers out of the bathroom. She realizes her head's bleeding.)","Catherine: (V.O.) By then Johnson had passed out from the triazelam.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Catherine: The more docile the john, the easier the job, except when you need him to save your life.","(Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Carl Johnson is sleeping heavily on the bed. Raven tries to wake him up. She's bleeding everywhere.)","Raven: Please, wake up, wake up.","(she picks up the phone and passes out.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Det. Vartann: Well, if Johnson was innocent, why'd he lie to us?","Catherine: Try explaining this to your family back in Ohio.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NIGHT CLUB -- NIGHT]","(Grissom, Brass and Greg question Crystal. Manny Brazil stands nearby.)","Grissom: Are you aware that your fingerprints are in the Federal system?","Brass: You're awaiting trial on drug trafficking, Manny posted your bail.","Manny Brazil: I was just helping her out.","Crystal: It wasn't my \"E.\"","Brass: Oh, yeah? Who's \"E\" was it?","Crystal: Ken Willard asked me to bring a bag back from L.A. For him. I didn't know what was in it.","Brass: So you and Ken had a relationship?","Crystal: We dated.","(Manny looks at Crystal, surprised by this news.)","Grissom: You both took valacyclovin as well. We found your prints on some duct tape in the women's restroom.","(Quick flashback to: [RESTROOM] Crystal hides the gun in the toilet.)","Grissom: (V.O.) The duct tape was used to hide Manny's gun.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Brass: The gun used to kill your hit man.","Manny Brazil: Hit man? What the hell are you talking about?","Well, with Ken Willard gone, your 10% of the club becomes 100%.","Manny Brazil: I didn't kill him and she doesn't deserve to go to jail. Look, the guy was a snake. Picking up girls, using them as mules, throwing them away.","Brass: So what does a contract killer cost these days, Manny?","Crystal: Manny didn't do anything. He's only tried to help me. The guy said he could solve my problem for ten grand. When the job was done, he said the price had doubled. I couldn't afford that ... and I didn't want to get Manny involved. So I stole the gun from his office.","(Quick flashback to: [RESTROOM] Crystal puts the gun in the toilet.)","Crystal: (V.O.) I kept it in the bathroom overnight ...","(The next night, Cyrstal is working.)","Crystal: (V.O.) ... waited till that son of a bitch showed up, picked my moment.","(She points the gun at the hit man and fires.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Crystal: Second I get arrested, Ken dumps me. He says he'll kill me if I roll over on him. The way I saw it, I had two choices: Either kill him or go to jail.","Grissom: Congratulations. You got both.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY NIGHT (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. THE ACID DROP - CLUB -- NIGHT]","(Catherine walks into the club. She walks over to the bar and waves to the bartender. The bartender points to the back.)","[INT. THE ACID DROP - CHRIS' OFFICE - NIGHT]","(Catherine opens the door. We hear a woman's laugh coming from inside.)","(She finds Chris with one of the club waitresses. They stare at each other for a moment.)","Chris: What do you expect? I run a nightclub.","(Catherine turns and leaves. The door slams shut behind her.)","Club Waitress: Who was that?","[INT. THE ACID DROP - CLUB - NIGHT]","(Catherine walks out of the club.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT]","(Grissom reviews Greg's file.)","Grissom: You committed a fatal error, Greg. You compromised evidence at a crime scene. A judgment like that can cost us a conviction. In order to solo in the field, you have to successfully complete three proficiencies.","(He gives the file back to Greg.)","Greg: I failed this one.","Grissom: Yeah.","(Greg stands up, sighs and heads for the door.","(Grissom takes his glasses off.)","Grissom: But ...","(Greg stops and turns around.)","Grissom: Since you found a suitable replacement in the lab, I'm going to give you one more chance.","Greg: Thank you. Thank you.","(Greg leaves. Grissom watches him go.)","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY - CONTINJUOUS]","(Greg walks through the hallway. He hears some glass smash and Chandra's frustrated growl.)","Chandra Moore: Oh, I can't go through with this!","(He looks up and sees Chandra step out of the lab.)","Greg: Hey, Chandra, how was your first day?","Chandra Moore: I can't do this. It's too much for one person.","(She takes her coat off. Nick and Warrick peer out of the lab and watch. Chandra gives Greg her lab coat.)","Chandra Moore: They all want ... they all want you, and I can't be you.","(Chandra turns and leaves.)","Chandra Moore: (o.s.) I'm going back to Connecticut.","(From the lab doorway, Warrick holds out a bill. Nick takes it.)","(Greg glances over at the two of them. Warrick shrugs at him.)","(Greg nods knowingly and looks down. What a day.)","FADE TO BLACK"],"Show Title":"CSI Crime Scene Investigation","Episode Number":"05x01","Episode Title":"Viva Las Vegas","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_05x11.json","Recap":["Greg is doing his final proficiency test and he has a case to solve. Ironically, he investigates the death of a Sherlock Holmes wannabe who is obsessive to the point of recreating the great detective's living room in his home, who died from a close-range gunshot wound. The murder weapon is not found at the scene, although all of the other pieces of evidence suggest that it was a suicide. Working under Catherine, Nick and Warrick work on a case of a dead man found in his car which veered off the highway. Dr. Robbins cannot find the cause of death and it is left to the two detectives to solve the mystery. The episode ends with Greg passing his test, resulting in him being promoted to CSI Level 1, thus finally fulfilling his dream of going out into the field."],"Transcript":["[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[EXT. KINGSLEY RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE -- NIGHT]","(The Biker parks his motorcycle.)","(Cut to: A car pulls up a second driveway and parks. Dennis Kingsley steps out of the car and shuts the door.)","(The Biker on the motorcycle removes his helmet and stands next to his bike.)","(He takes his briefcase and walks into the house.)","(Dennis Kingsley heads into his own house.)","[INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","(The door opens. Dennis Kingsley steps into the house and puts his plastic bag on the counter. He takes out a bag of English muffins, a box of Tetley British tea and a jar of something and lines it up perfectly on the counter.)","(He takes the empty bag and heads out of the room.)","[INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(Dennis Kingsley puts on his dressing gown and shuts the door. He opens the door to the far room at the end of the hall and slips inside.)","(The door closes behind him.)","[INT. BASEMENT STAIRS - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(Dennis Kingsley makes his way down the basement stairs. He comes to two double doors.)","(He opens the doors and enters into what appears to be a British-decorated study.)","[INT. BASEMENT - STUDY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(Dennis Kingsley flicks on a switch on the table and violin music starts playing. He walks over to the window and pushes the curtain aside to reveal a fake scene just out of the basement window of a horse-drawn carriage pass by.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Dennis Kingsley is playing his violin in front of the fake fire in the fireplace.)","WHITE FLASH TO:","[INT. BASEMENT - STUDY - NIGHT]","(Dennis Kingsley is dead with a gunshot wound to his temple. Someone snaps a photo.)","(Grissom is kneeling in front of the victim as he looks around.)","Grissom: Deerstalker cap ... violin ... meerschaum pipe ... even a Persian slipper with tobacco stuffed in the toe, I imagine.","(Greg snaps more photos of the scene.)","Grissom: All in all, a meticulous recreation of 221-B Baker Street: Residence of the world's greatest detective, Sherlock Holmes.","Brass: Also known as Dennis Kingsley, delivery guy. What do you think?","Grissom: Ask Greg. It's his case. It's his final proficiency -- emphasis on the \"final\".","Brass: Okay, Dr. Watson, run it.","Greg: Victim's in a relaxed position in front of a fake fire. Alcohol. Solitude.","(He leans forward to look at the wound.)","Greg: Powder burns around the entrance wound. Close to contact shot.","(Greg straightens.)","Greg: It all suggests suicide.","Brass: Well, if he killed himself, where's the weapon?","(Greg swallows. He sighs.)","Greg: Huh ... family and friends who discover a body sometimes remove the weapon to make it look like murder. No suicide stigma and better chances of collecting any life insurance.","Brass: From the look of the place upstairs, this guy lived alone, and the neighbors heard the shot, so ... pretty good. I guess I'll, uh, go interview the neighbors.","(Brass turns and leaves.)","Greg: So, are you going to say, \"the game's afoot\"?","Grissom: I didn't know you were a Conan Doyle fan, Greg.","Greg: I'm not. I saw a Sherlock Holmes movie once by mistake.","Grissom: Well, just so you know ... those movies never ended like this.","(Grissom flashes his flashlight at the dead body.)","FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. KINGSLEY RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE -- NIGHT]","(Brass is standing in the neighbor's driveway talking with the Biker. He finishes up and turns to leave.)","Biker: I'll see if I can hook you up. Give me a call.","Brass: All right. Yeah, okay.","(He heads back to Grissom.)","Grissom: Anything useful?","Brass: Well, I found out if I ever need a home loan, as a public servant, I'm pre-approved. You know, the guy looks like a, uh, drug dealer. Turns out he's a mortgage broker.","Grissom: Well, we all have our costumes, Jim.","Brass: Yeah.","(Brass and Grissom watch as two men and a woman in costume appear out of the fog walking down the street toward them.)","Brass: Yeah, apparently some more than others.","(The three costumed individuals stop in front of Brass and Grissom.)","Grissom: I assume you're friends of Mr. Kingsley?","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): We are friends of Mr. Holmes.","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Invited guests, in point of fact.","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): This is all so contemporary.","Grissom: Well, I'm with the Las Vegas crime lab.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): Ah, a colleague. Perhaps we can be of some assistance.","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): (eagerly) Yes. Have you discovered any shoe impressions in the soil?","(She moves forward as if to look for herself, but Grissom stops her.)","Grissom: Not yet. This is a crime scene.","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Oh, a scenario created for our own entertainment, yes?","(Grissom turns around to show them Dennis Kingsley's dead body being wheeled out on the gurney. A sobering sight. They put the body in the back of the coroner's van.)","Grissom: I guess it depends on what you find entertaining.","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Oh, God.","(The coroner shuts the door on the body.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KINGSLEY RESIDENCE - BASEMENT - STUDY - NIGHT]","(Greg is going through the blood on the floor when Sara walks up to him.)","Sara: Anyone for pizza?","Greg: Very funny.","(Greg finds and picks up the bullet amidst the puddle of blood and pieces of brain.)","Greg: Got it.","(Sara kneels down next to Greg to look at the bullet.)","Sara: Ooh. BFB. Big freakin' bullet.","(Greg looks at the bullet under the magnifying glass.)","Greg: Nose is mushroomed. Looks like pure lead. Two cannelures consistent with a revolver. One, two, three, four, five, six lands and grooves. Left hand twist.","Sara: Which usually means ... ?","Greg: Colt .45?","(Sara nods.)","Greg: Are you checking up on me?","Sara: No, no, no, no. Grissom said he was just evaluating you on processing this one room, so ... I figured maybe you could use some help with the rest of the house.","Greg: Thanks.","(Sara stands up and starts looking around. Greg tucks the bullet into a bindle.)","(Sara picks up the empty old-fashioned glass syringe and looks at it.)","(Camera zooms in to show the residue of something in the glass syringe.)","Sara: Guess everyone needs a hobby.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. KINGSLEY RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE -- NIGHT]","(Brass and Grissom speak with the other members of the mystery club.)","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): We would study the Holmes text in cases and important 19th century events.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): We met every Thursday night.","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): You make it sound like a bowling league. This is a serious literary association.","(Quick flashback to: Open on an old photo slide of a dead woman. [STUDY] The group sit around the table discussing the photo slide.)","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): As usual, Dr. Watson, subtlety is lost upon you. You see a stab wound above her breast and overlook the absence of blood on the chair as well as the fact that her skirt is raised. This body was posed, and quite beautifully, I might add.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): Moriarty, if evil for evil's sake were a pathological condition, it would be your diagnosis.","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Gentlemen, your disdain for one another distracts you from the truth. The wedding picture on the wall? The victims were husband and wife.","Dennis Kingsley: As usual, Miss Adler, your deduction is correct. It was indeed a crime of passion.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Brass: Sounds fun. When was the last time you saw Dennis Kingsley?","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Last Thursday.","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): He said that he was going to make this meeting really special.","(Quick flashback to: [STUDY] The group sits at the table.)","Dennis Kingsley: It seems our time here tonight has ended, and that, I fear, is the gist of the announcement I must share with you now. Next week will be the final meeting of our society, but I give you my word: It shall be an evening none of you will ever forget.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): I didn't think that he meant this.","Brass: We're going to need names and contact information.","Grissom: It would also be helpful if you'd let us take your fingerprints.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): Why?","Grissom: Elementary. So we can rule you out. You've all obviously been in the study on numerous occasions. We need to find out if the prints we find are relevant.","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): So you actually think this is something other than suicide?","Brass: You know, I think you ought to drop the accent.","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): I can't. I'm English.","Brass: Oh.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KINGSLEY RESIDENCE - BASEMENT - STUDY - NIGHT]","(Greg looks at the floor. He finds something on the floor and snaps a photo of it.)","INTERCUT WITH:","[SARA]","(Close-up of the door leading to the basement. Sara examines it focusing on the scratches on the wood near the doorknob and plate.)","(Greg finds something on the floor near the table leg. He picks it up and looks at it.)","(Sara sits down at the table in front of the laptop. He presses the spacebar and the screensaver with the meerschaum pipe on it stops. She looks at the screen for a moment.)","(She turns and picks up the framed photo of Dennis Kingsley sitting on the couch with his wife and daughter.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Greg looks up from his camera as Sara walks into the room to share her findings.)","Sara: There's possible signs of forced entry at the back door. It could be recent. Also, I think the vic had a family at some point. Brass is on it.","(Greg snaps a photo of a red book with blood on its cover, \"The Hound of the Baskervilles\".)","Greg: Check this out.","(He shows her the book, evidence marker #6. Sara kneels down next to Greg.)","Sara: The Hound of the Baskervilles. I read that in tenth grade.","Greg: Oh, yeah - I was supposed to.","(Sara chuckles. He shows her the stain on the book page edges.)","Greg: There's a blood stain on the page ends.","Sara: Huh.","(Greg puts the book back on the table in the position he found it in.)","Sara: The spatter goes across and over. That stain did not come from this event.","(Quick flash of: [THE BOOK ON THE TABLE] A gun fires, blood spatters on the book cover. End of flash. Resume to present.)","Sara: It could be the vic's, or it could be stage blood, for that matter.","Greg: Do you think an obsessive neat freak like our vic would leave something like that on one of his most prized possessions?","Sara: I think ... there's only one way to find out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAKE (STOCK) - DAY]","[EXT. ROADSIDE -- DAY]","(An officer's car is parked on the side of the road. Warrick walks alongside the roadway. He turns and visualizes the accident.)","(Quick visualization of: The jeep swerves on the road. It passes right through Warrick and off screen. Warrick turns and continues to visualize the jeep traveling down the road where it smashes into the tree.)","(End of visualization. Resume to present.)","(Warrick makes his way across the road.)","[EXT. ROADSIDE - CRASH SITE - DAY - CONTINUOUS]","(Nick approaches the van with the body in it. David Phillips and Det. Chris Cavaliere are there.)","Det. Chris Cavaliere: Hey, Nick.","Nick: Hey, Chris.","Det. Chris Cavaliere: Nevada power guys -- they saw the jeep, called it in. I ran the plates. R.O. is, uh, Cory Demayo, 25. Lives on Florentine. (Nick snaps a couple of photos of the body as he listens.) Spoke to the roommate. Driver fits the description.","David Phillips: Vic's got a contusion on his forehead. Probably from the impact.","Nick: Yeah, I can see that. It's just hard to believe that's what killed him.","(Warrick walks up to the group.)","Warrick: I didn't see any skid marks on the road up there. There's no signs he tried to brake.","David Phillips: Well, maybe he fell asleep at the wheel.","Nick: Uh, coming over that embankment? That would've woke him up. Key's still in the ignition. Car's in drive. Engine's not running.","Warrick: Did the paramedics open this door?","Det. Chris Cavaliere: Vitals were taken through the open window. Door was ajar when we arrived on the scene.","(Warrick finds a joint in the car. He picks it up and shows it to Nick.)","Warrick: Hey, Nick, check this out.","Nick: Oh.","Warrick: Guy was getting high. Think that's the reason he missed the curve up there?","Nick: You think?","(Warrick finds something else.)","Warrick: Ah. We got a wallet.","(He hands the wallet over the body to Nick who hands it to Det. Cavaliere.)","Nick: Yeah, yeah.","(Det. Cavaliere checks the Nevada Driver's License. It reads:","DEMAYO, CORY","6878 FLORENTINE RD.","LAS VEGAS","Det. Chris Cavaliere: Cory Demayo. Fits the description. No cash, no plastic.","Nick: This is a pretty remote place for an accident. But you think someone saw it, took advantage of the situation?","Warrick: Maybe he wasn't alone. Maybe the passenger survived, then emptied out his wallet, took off.","Nick: (nods) Maybe.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY]","(Greg snaps photos of the body.)","(He removes the evidence bag from around the victim's right hand. He snaps photos of the hand and takes samples from it.)","(Greg continues to process the body.)","(He snaps photos. He flips the victim's arm over and we see the needle marks on his inner arm.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - DAY]","(Sara and Robbins talk while looking at the photos spread out on the table in front of them.)","Robbins: This guy really dress up like Sherlock Holmes?","Sara: At least once a week, evidently, like those civil war re-enactors. I, uh, never understood that.","Robbins: Yeah. In any event, C.O.D. was no surprise. Perforating contact range, gunshot to the right temple.","(Greg appears the doorway with the tox report.)","Greg: Got the tox. Cocaine metabolites in the vic's urine. 500 nanograms per M.O.","Robbins: You only see levels that high in chronic users.","Sara: Those are the track marks.","Greg: Yeah, but there was also morphine in his blood and in the syringe. (He hands the report to Robbins.) Seven percent solution, morphine sulfate and water. Sherlock went from crack to smack.","Sara: Morphine metabolites in his system but no heroin metabolites? He wasn't on street junk. This is pharmaceutical-grade stuff.","Greg: And at a pretty hefty dose, too. How fast for the injection to take effect?","Robbins: Given his size, he would've been incapacitated in a matter of seconds.","Greg: Not much time to undo the works, put away his antique syringe, pick up a gun and blow his brains out.","Sara: Wait a minute. The GSR test on his hand was positive. What are you getting at?","(Quick flash to: [STUDY] Someone else pulls the trigger. End of flash. Resume to present.)","Greg: Well, maybe Sherlock had some help.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]","(Det. Chris Cavaliere and Warrick interview Lyle Davis, Cory Demayo's roommate.)","Det. Chris Cavaliere: Hey, when was the last time you saw Cory?","Lyle Davis: Yesterday. Just kicking it, like me.","Warrick: How'd you get that bruise on your dome, man?","Lyle Davis: Oh, uh, windsurfing.","Det. Chris Cavaliere: Hey, you guys go out there together?","Lyle Davis: Yeah. Well, he's got the wheels, so ...","Warrick: So you drove back together?","Lyle Davis: No. I sort of hooked up with this chick, so I bounced.","Warrick: Nice. You know the chick's name?","Lyle Davis: Uh, Jennifer.","Det. Chris Cavaliere: Jennifer who?","Lyle Davis: Jennifer, uh ... (he smiles, clearly, he can't remember) ... nipple ring.","(Warrick and Lyle chuckle.)","Warrick: \"Jennifer nipple ring\". Lyle, were you guys, uh, getting high yesterday? You smoke some weed?","Lyle Davis: Nope.","Warrick: No? All right, let me tell you what I think happened. You and Cory got stoned, and you drove away. Cory lost control of the jeep ...","(Quick flashback to: [JEEP] The jeep runs off the road and Cory hits his head against the wheel.)","Warrick: (V.O.) ...at which point, you couldn't wake him up,","(Lyle goes through Cory's wallet and takes the money inside.)","Warrick: (V.O.) so you decided to take advantage of the situation, and you rifle through his wallet and leave.","(Lyle stumbles out of the jeep and runs.)","(End of flash. Resume to present.)","Lyle Davis: Man, that is not what went down.","Det. Chris Cavaliere: You're looking at robbery, leaving the scene, failure to report an accident. That's a lot of years, man.","Lyle Davis: I didn't get back in the car with Cory, and if I had, I wouldn't have left him!","Warrick: Lyle, we're going to need a DNA sample from you.","Lyle Davis: (alarmed) What? Why?","Warrick: Just to prove that, uh, your lips weren't on that joint that we found in the jeep.","Lyle Davis: All right, man. Let me just be straight with you guys for a second here. I admit Cory and I sparked up at the lake, okay? But then he took off. Three weeks ago, I was busted for pot, okay? The judge gave me diversion. You guys file charges, I'm screwed. I will never get into dental school.","(Warrick and Det. Cavaliere both look away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY TO TRACE LAB -- DAY]","(Greg follows Hodges from the hallway into the Trace Lab.)","Hodges: The fragment you found at the scene? It's a mother of pearl. It could be from an ornament or a piece of jewelry.","Greg: It could be from a lot of things.","Hodges: Yeah, that it could, Mr. Proficiency.","(Greg looks through the scope. Grissom is there in the lab.)","Hodges: I also I.D.'d the ash on the floor. Perique tobacco, grown in only one spot on earth: St. James Parish, Louisiana.","Greg: The same as the umber of tobacco in the victim's slipper?","Hodges: No, completely different make. Cheap, strong, low-grade stuff.","Grissom: Shag tobacco.","Hodges: Yeah. How'd you know?","Grissom: That's what Holmes smoked.","Hodges: Bad habit, even for a fictional character.","Grissom: You do have two suspects with pipes.","Greg: Yeah ... and, uh, smoking kills.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POOL HALL & BAR -- DAY]","(Brass looks around. He watches as a man tags along behind one of the waitresses.)","Bar Customer (man): We got to stop meeting like this, baby.","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): How was your game?","Bar Customer (man): I'm swinging a hot stick tonight, babe.","(She passes Brass and puts her tray on the bar counter.)","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): (to Brass) Can I get you something?","Brass: No, I'm just looking for someone.","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): You're staring at me.","Brass: Oh. Uh ... I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you from last night. Is that a friend of yours?","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Give me a break. Did that guy look like a friend of mine? Every time he touches me, I want to kick him in the scrotum, but he's a big tipper. I've got a sick mother and rent to pay.","Brass: Well, I just have a couple of questions. At Denny Kingsley's, you were smoking a pipe.","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Yeah ... a meerschaum.","Brass: I'm going to need it.","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Why?","Brass: Let me worry about that, okay?","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Uh, J.J., can you hand me my purse, please?","J.J. (bartender): Okay.","(He hands her the bag. She takes the pipe out of her bag and puts it in the evidence bag Brass is holding.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY]","[INT. - HALLWAY -- DAY]","(Sara walks up to a security guard.)","Sara: Dr. Watson? I'm Sara Sidle with the Crime Lab.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): Hello.","Sara: Do you have a minute? I'm here to collect your meerschaum pipe as well as any other tobacco products you might have in your possession.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I don't smoke anything illegal.","(Sara puts her kit down.)","Sara: You haven't been accused of that.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): Anyway, my pipe is at home.","Sara: No problem. Let's go.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): Look, I'm working.","Sara: We've already talked to your boss, and I have a warrant. Let me get that for you.","(Sara kneels down to open her kit to get the warrant out of her kit. She notices some blood on his shoes.)","Sara: Were you wearing those shoes at your last club meeting?","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): Yeah. They're not technically right for the period, but black leather shoes are black leather shoes. I'm not the same stickler for detail that Denny was.","Sara: Apparently not.","(Sara hands him the warrant.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]","(Robbins goes over the body with Nick and Warrick.)","Robbins: Vic was physically fit. Scratches and abrasions are ante-mortem, unrelated to the accident.","Nick: The contusion on the forehead was, uh, superficial, right?","Robbins: You are right.","Warrick: Okay, so what's the cause of death, Doc?","Robbins: Undetermined.","Nick: But you're still working on it, right?","Robbins: Unless some other evidence comes to light, I'm done. Sometimes I can't tell you why they die.","(Nick and Warrick look at each other.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY]","(Nick is trying to close the jeep's passenger door. Warrick walks into the garage carrying a file.)","Warrick: What you got?","Nick: Passenger door latch is busted. It could've happened during the accident.","Warrick: Well, that is consistent with the roommate's story. Says he wasn't in the passenger seat during the time of the crash.","Nick: What'd you get back from tox?","Warrick: Tox came back positive for low levels of cannabis.","Nick: I know marijuana slows your reaction time, but based on the lack of skid marks at the scene, the position of the vehicle, I don't think this guy ever hit the brakes.","Warrick: Well, maybe he did hit the brakes. Did you check 'em?","Nick: Come on, you're a bigger boy than me.","Warrick: Yeah, you can't do anything yourself, can you?","(Nick climbs into the jeep behind the driver's seat.)","Warrick: You ready?","Nick: Yeah, yeah, put your back into it.","(Warrick pushes the jeep forward. Nick presses the brakes and they hold.)","Warrick: Brakes work. Brake lights are working, so that means the battery's okay.","Nick: Yeah, but the gauges are all off. The panel's not even working. Okay, ignition was on, but the engine wasn't running, so ... what? No gas?","(Warrick jumps on the jeep. We hear the tank sloshing.)","Warrick: That tank is full of fuel, man.","Nick: Cory was in good shape. The jeep seems to be in decent condition, so ... (sighs) What happened out there?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - CATHERINE'S OFFICE -- DAY]","(Catherine meets with Conrad Ecklie.)","Conrad Ecklie: Swing shift's short a couple of bodies.","Catherine: Yes, and when is that going to change?","Conrad Ecklie: Not anytime soon -- Catherine, there are budget constraints. You'll have to prioritize.","(Nick and Warrick walk into the office.)","Warrick: Should we come back?","Conrad Ecklie: No, no, no, come on in. So, how's your, uh, your surfer dude case?","Warrick: Uh, the victim's roommate admits they got high together, but denies being in the jeep at the time of the accident. At this point, we can't place him there.","Nick: Brakes on the jeep were functioning. The driver should've been able to stop.","Catherine: Any signs of foul play?","Nick: No. Something's not right.","Conrad Ecklie: All right, nothing suspicious and no crime's committed? Put the case to bed. I'm sure your supervisor can keep you busy. Close it.","(Ecklie leaves.)","Warrick: Sounds like he's more concerned with getting it done than getting it right.","Catherine: Are you guys satisfied?","Nick: We don't have an answer.","Catherine: Then get one.","Warrick: What about Ecklie?","Catherine: (sighs) My problem, not yours.","(Nick and Warrick turn to leave.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT CSI - LAB -- DAY]","(Greg swabs the side of the shoe. He tests and finds blood.)","INTERCUT WITH:","[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - DAY]","(Hodges tests the tobacco in the pipe and places the pipe in the fumer. He closes the lid.)","(Greg swabs another part of the shoe.)","(Hodges removes the pipe and empties the bottom of the pipe. He takes a sample of the tobacco. He tests it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY]","(Brass sits across the table from Nelson Oakes, Dr. Watson. Nelson Oakes opens the small packet of sugar to put in his coffee and rips it open, spilling the sugar on the table.)","Brass: You nervous?","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): A little.","(He stirs his coffee.)","Brass: Relax. Relax. Just two law enforcement professionals talking to one another, that's all.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I'm a security guard. Don't patronize me.","Brass: I bet you always wanted to be a cop, am I right? So what happened? Flunk the physical? Huh? That's okay; lot of guys do. No? What was it then, psych?","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I was on medication. You can't be a cop if you're on this medication.","Brass: But you can be Sherlock Holmes.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I was Dr. Watson ...","Brass: Right.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): ... in our club. Denny was Sherlock Holmes. (Imitates Denny Kingsley.) \"There can only be one.\"","Brass: So, when Denny wasn't there, you could be Sherlock.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I suppose.","Brass: That why you killed him?","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I didn't kill him. Denny was a friend, and if I wanted to be Sherlock, all I had to do was wait. Denny was quitting. We talked about it a lot. He said he was going back to his wife.","Brass: So you went to his house, you shot him, and then you left, and you came back later with your pals and acted like nothing happened.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I went straight home after work.","Brass: His blood on your shoe, tobacco ash from your pipe on the carpet next to his body -- that puts you where he was killed.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): No way.","Brass: Look, there are two kinds of stories: Fact and fiction.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): I know that.","Brass: Sherlock Holmes: Fiction. Dennis Kingsley's murder: Fact. Your story: Fiction.","Nelson Oakes (Dr. Watson): No, I swear. God help me, I'm telling the truth. I- I wasn't there. I didn't kill Denny.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]","(Sara walks into the room with a file folder.)","Sara: DNA confirms that the blood on Watson's shoe is a match to your vic. We got him.","(Greg doesn't look up from under the magnifying glass. He sees something.)","Sara: Feel like celebrating after shift? I'm buying.","Greg: These blood drops aren't uniform. Some of them are clotted red cells, but others are pure serum.","(Sara looks under the magnifying glass at the blood drops.)","Greg: It takes at least twenty minutes for blood to clot and separate. If Watson killed Sherlock, the blood drops on his shoe would all be the same.","Sara: The killer takes some of the victim's blood at the scene ...","(Quick flash to: Someone takes a syringe and sucks up some blood from the scene. Camera zooms in to the red blood cells.)","Sara: (V.O.) ...the red blood cells in the serum separate and get sprayed on the shoe later.","(Cut to: Blood drops on the black leather shoe. End of flash. Resume to present.)","Sara: Somebody's trying to frame Watson.","(Camera holds on Greg.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - A\/V LAB -- DAY]","(Greg and Sara meet with Archie Johnson in the Audio\/Visual Lab. Archie is looking at a site on the internet, epackrat.com, and is scrolling through the various items up for bid.)","Greg: Jeez, all his stuff is up for auction. This is Dennis Kingsley's entire collection. He's getting rid of everything.","Archie: Might have needed the cash?","Sara: I don't know. Maybe he was just trying to get back to reality.","Greg: Hold it.","(The scrolling stops on a mother of pearl handled Colt .45.)","Greg: Murder weapon was a Colt .45 revolver, current whereabouts unknown.","Archie: Huh, I thought you were looking for a book.","Sara: We are. (She shows him the photo of the book.) We ran DNA on this blood stain. It's not the victim's, and there's no hits through CODIS.","Archie: You think it's the killer's?","Sara: Maybe.","Greg: Come on, let's keep going.","(They see the book listed on the site.)","Greg: There it is - \"The Hound of the Baskervilles\".","(The photo of the book shows no blood on it.)","Sara: When he photographed it, there was no blood on the pages.","Greg: Can you pull up the bidding history?","Archie: Yes, I can.","Greg: Let's see who's interested.","(The list reads:","BIDDING HISTORY ITEM # 0578154","THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES","# OF BIDS: \/ TIMES \/ BIDDER HANDLES: 1 \/ 10:50 pm \/ Nikig0017 - Los Angeles, CA 1 \/ 11:20 am \/ Reichenbach - Henderson, NV 1 \/ 1:22 pm \/ Filia_30 - New York, NY 1 \/ 5:25 pm \/ Reichenbach - Henderson, NV 1 \/ 6:30 pm \/ Reichenbach - Henderson, NV 1 \/ 10:05 am \/ Nikig0017 - Los Angeles, CA","(Archie highlights the \"Reichenbach\" buyer.)","Archie: Huh. Reichenbach.","Greg: What's the big deal about that?","Archie: Reichenbach Falls?","(He looks at Greg. Greg shakes his head. Archie turns and looks at Sara. She doesn't know either.)","Archie: It's where Professor Moriarty killed Sherlock Holmes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DINER - BACK KITCHEN -- DAY]","(The order-up bell rings.)","(In the back, Greg and Sara interview Josh Frost, Prof. Moriarty.)","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): The 1902 first British Edition of the Hound? Of course I wanted it. I'm a doctoral candidate in English history. I helped Denny create that astonishing verisimilitude of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Britain.","Sara: Oh.","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Order!","(He puts the plate up.)","Sara: He was selling the collection off in pieces. It must have pissed you off.","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): He was a self-destructive narcissist. If he had to give it up, we all had to give it up.","Sara: And you weren't willing to do that?","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): As you can see, the modest stipend I get from my graduate studies doesn't go far. What I offered for the Hound is every penny I had. Order!","(He rings the bell again.)","Greg: But then he put it up for auction, and made you bid for it. When the price got too high, you confronted him.","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): That is empty speculation, my friend.","Sara: Hold out your hands for me, please?","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): My hands?","Sara: Yeah. Your hands.","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Fine.","(He puts his spatula aside and shows them his hands. His index finger on his right hand has a bloodied band-aid on it.)","Greg: Ooh, that looks like a paper cut to me. Are we gonna find your blood on that book?","(Quick flash to: [STUDY] Josh Frost and Dennis Kingsley are arguing. Josh Frost is holding the book.)","Dennis Kingsley: If you can't pay me what it's worth ...","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Oh, come on, you owe me as much. Come on. Come ...","(The two wrestle for the book.)","Dennis Kingsley: Give it!","(Dennis Kingsley pulls the book out from Josh's grip leaving him with a bleeding finger.)","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Ow! Bloody hell, Dennis.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Josh Frost (Prof. Moriarty): Fine, fine, fine. Yes, I stopped by Dennis's house earlier that evening to make my case, but I didn't kill him. If I had, believe me, I would have taken that book.","(Greg and Sara share a look.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY]","(Warrick and Nick enter the garage.)","Warrick: Tow truck will be here in about an hour.","Nick: All right, we're on the clock. Let's take this thing apart.","(Nick opens the front door and climbs into the driver's seat. He sits down and reaches for the ignition keys.)","(Warrick climbs into the back of the jeep. He looks around and sees something on the bars.)","(Nick looks under the driver's wheel panel. He pulls out a piece of melted plastic.)","(Warrick lies back on a dolly and slides under the jeep. He sees something.)","(Nick pulls out the wires from under the panel and checks it. They look burned.)","Nick: Hey, I've got some blown fuses and some fried wiring up here.","Warrick: Yeah?","Nick: Yeah.","Warrick: I've got some burn marks on the undercarriage. And I found something similar on the roll bar, as well.","Nick: Well, that would indicate some sort of electrical shock.","Warrick: Well, if an electrical charge traveled through the jeep, and shorted out the wiring, it would have shocked Cory, as well.","Nick: Like what, lightning?","Warrick: Yeah, but it was clear yesterday. Whatever it was, it zapped the hell out of his jeep.","Nick: Let's go back out there and check it out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. CRASH SITE OF ROAD -- DAY]","(Nick and Warrick are back at the crash site.)","Nick: Cory was coming from Lake Mead, which is that way.","Warrick: Let's walk.","Nick: Yeah.","(Nick and Warrick walk up the road and look around.)","(Dissolve to: Nick is on the left side of the road while Warrick looks on the right side of the road. Nick continues up the road.)","(Dissolve to: Nick looks around and kneels down on the road. He finds something.)","Nick: Wire trimmings. They look fresh.","(He snaps a photo of it. Warrick picks it up. He looks up at the wires above them.)","Nick: Looks like a new splice on those wires.","Warrick: Well, the power company originally called that jeep in. They must have been out here fixing the lines. Maybe it was a down line. That would give us the high voltage power source right there.","Nick: Yeah, but even if a live wire struck the roll bar, the tires would have insulated the vehicle.","Warrick: Right. Without a path to ground, electricity is harmless.","(They look around and see the wire road marker bent and embedded in the ground.)","Warrick: What about that road marker?","(They walk over to it to look at it. They kneel down.)","Warrick: It's bent in the direction Cory was driving.","Nick: Black transfer. Wasn't the undercarriage of Cory's jeep black?","(Quick flash to: [ROAD] Cory's jeep runs over the marker on its way down the road. End of flash. Resume to present.)","Warrick: This marker would have grounded the jeep.","Nick: Completing the circuit, and theoretically, electrocuting the vehicle.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]","(The monitor reads: Mother of Pearl Chip Evidence # GS-17","(Greg is back in the lab looking at the evidence. He scrapes the dust off of the chip and looks at it under the microscope.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - DAY]","(Greg walks into Grissom's office.)","Greg: I want to go back to the crime scene.","(Grissom looks up and removes his glasses.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KINGSLEY RESIDENCE - BASEMENT - STUDY - NIGHT]","(The doors to the study open. Greg and Grissom enter the room.)","Greg: The grips of Dennis Kingsley's antique Colt .45 were mother of pearl, consistent with the chip collected here. I identified trace on the edge of that chip, and it's red clay dust.","(He walks over to the fireplace and kneels down, looking inside.)","Greg: (sighs) The fire's fake, but these red clay bricks are real.","Grissom: So, what are you looking for?","Greg: Well, the killer obviously left with the gun. And if there was some kind of struggle, maybe the killer left behind some skin fragments or a strand of hair.","(Greg looks around the fireplace.)","(Quick flash to: [STUDY] Dennis Kingsley and the killer struggle for the gun. The gun flies out and a piece of the mother of pearl handle chips onto the floor.)","(End of flash. Resume to present.)","Grissom: Was there any evidence of a struggle in this room?","Greg: Not really.","(Greg continues to look completely into the fireplace. He flips the light switch on and finds something completely unexpected.)","Grissom: Well, so much for the obvious.","(Hanging from a rubber tube tied to the top of the chimney is the missing gun.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","WHITE FLASH IN.","[INT. KINGSLEY RESIDENCE - BASEMENT - STUDY - NIGHT -- FLASHBACK]","(Dennis Kingsley kneels in front of the fireplace and stretches the tubing tied around the gun handle. He sits down and cocks the gun as he places it at his temple.)","(End of flash. Resume to present.)","[INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT]","(Greg shares his findings with Sara.)","Sara: He committed suicide?","Greg: The man was a credit to his genre. He runs a loop of surgical tubing through the weapon secured inside the chimney.","(Greg shows the photo of the gun hanging in the chimney.)","Greg: A shot of morphine a few minutes earlier takes the edge off.","Sara: And it provides extra insurance in case the gun doesn't finish the job.","(Quick flash to: [STUDY] Kingsley shoots himself. He drops the gun and it recoils back up the chimney. End of flash. Resume to present.)","Greg: It would have been easy for him to plant Watson's brand of tobacco ash on his floor. I figure, Sherlock drew his own blood in advance and then sprayed it on Watson's shoe at their last meeting.","Sara: The world's greatest detective makes suicide look like murder?","(Greg nods.)","Sara: Why would he try and frame his best friend in the process?","Greg: Well, Watson said they were friends, but who knows what kind of relationship they really had. Maybe they hated each other. Maybe Dennis couldn't stand the thought of anyone else being Sherlock. Besides, I thought motive wasn't our business.","Sara: It's not. Write it up, give the report to Grissom. Way to go.","Greg: All right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - GARAGE]","(Nick and Warrick are busy prepping the dummy for their experiment. They wrap the dummy completely in plastic wrap.)","(Through several time cuts, they proceed to make a gel mold of the dummy.)","(They take the mold off of the dummy.)","(Nick slaps the flat of his hand on the gel dummy's head.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY TO GARAGE]","(Catherine walks into the garage. She finds Nick standing on the jeep setting the experiment up. The gel dummy is behind the driver's seat.)","Catherine: What ... what is going on?","Nick: We're finishing up the case.","Catherine: Do you know how much ballistic joe costs?","Warrick: I didn't know you did.","Catherine: I just thought you guys were gonna go over your notes, look over the case file.","Warrick: Well, hold on now. We found electrical burn marks on the roll bar and the jeep's undercarriage. And we found blown out fuses on the instrument panel and the starter. That would explain why the jeep wasn't running.","Nick: Yeah, we called Nevada Power, and they confirmed there was a downed power line the day of the accident.","Catherine: So, you're saying the victim was electrocuted?","Nick: Yeah.","Warrick: So we replaced the fuses, we connected the jeep to a power source, and we hooked up gelatin man here to a meter.","(Nick bounces on the jeep.)","Catherine: Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle, I get it. Well, you're gonna need at least six milliamps to prove your theory.","Nick: I'm on it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(They start the car engine.)","(Warrick puts his goggles on.)","(He flips the switch.)","(The latch holding the pipe releases and swings down, connecting with the jeep.)","(From their safe distance away, they see the jeep spark at the connection.)","(The milliamps meter remains at zero.)","(Catherine, Nick and Warrick watch the jeep sparks burn out.)","Catherine: Congratulations. You killed the jeep, but the victim's still alive. The current never even made it past zero. So, either your theory is wrong, or you've got a problem with your experiment. Are there any variables in the case that haven't been duplicated here?","Nick: Same vehicle, power's good. So, why isn't Mr. Wiggles connecting?","Warrick: He's naked.","Catherine: Well, let's dress him up.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(They finish putting clothes on the gel dummy.)","(They start the car engine. Warrick, Nick and Catherine put their goggles on. Warrick flips the switch.)","(The powerline hits the jeep bar.)","(Quick CGI POV to: The surge of electricity sparks through the jeep bar and down to the side of the jeep frame. It makes contact with the victim's wrist watch, through the victim and out through the metal rivets in the victim's shorts. End of CGI POV.)","(The milliamps meter is at seven.)","WHITE FLASH TO:","(Warrick, Nick and Catherine meet at the jeep.)","Warrick: So, the current came into the vehicle from the roll bar, and it went out through the undercarriage.","Catherine: It needed an entry point and exit point.","Nick: Entry through the, uh, the watch on his wrist and then exit through the rivets in his shorts.","Catherine: Right across his heart, stopping it cold.","(Quick flash to: [ROADSIDE-DAY] The jeep is traveling down the road. It hits the downed power line and runs over the metal mile marker just as the power line hits the jeep bar.)","(Cut to: The jeep rolls down the side of the hill and stops at the bottom in front of the tree.)","(End of flash. Resume to present.)","Catherine: So I know that I've never said this to you guys before, but ... hide the evidence.","Nick: (chuckles) Thanks for getting our back.","Catherine: We're a team, guys.","Warrick: Oh, since we're a team, you gonna help us clean up?","Nick: Yeah.","(Catherine laughs.)","Catherine: No. I'm the boss.","(She turns and leaves. Warrick and Nick chuckle.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(Catherine meets Ecklie in the hallway.)","Conrad Ecklie: I thought you told me you closed the Cory Demayo case. Catherine, nothing happens in this lab that I don't know about.","Catherine: Then I'm sure you know the case is now closed.","Conrad Ecklie: Did I make a mistake promoting you?","Catherine: Yeah, you should have given me the day shift. But I'm making it work.","(Catherine walks away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT]","(Grissom reads through Greg's final report.)","(He thinks about it and flips back to the report:","MORPHINE .07","(Grissom picks up the police autopsy report. He reads through it:","ADDITIONAL TESTING PERFORMED COCAINE Elevated","(He picks up the first report with the syringe contents: MORPHINE.)","(He again looks at the autopsy report: COCAINE.)","(Something's not adding up. Camera holds on Grissom.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM -- DAY]","(Greg is putting on his shoes while listening to rock music on his earphones.)","(Grissom appears in the doorway holding the open file folder.)","Grissom: Greg.","(Greg doesn't hear him.)","Grissom: (louder) Hey, MTV boy. (Greg removes the earphones and turns the music off.) I have a question about your report.","Greg: Okay.","Grissom: According to autopsy, the victim showed long-term effects of cocaine abuse.","Greg: That's right.","Grissom: But according to tox, the substance in the victim's syringe was a seven percent solution of morphine.","Greg: Yeah.","Grissom: The victim was an obsessive compulsive. In the stories, Holmes' preferred stimulant was a seven percent solution of cocaine, not morphine.","Greg: Evidence out of context.","Grissom: Did you ever consider the possibility that the victim didn't realize what he was injecting himself with?","Greg: No. You think someone switched his coke with morphine?","Grissom: You found the victim's fingerprints on the gun, but you found no prints on the surgical tubing, no epithelials either. Does that make sense if it was a suicide?","Greg: I guess not.","Grissom: Do you have any other suspects who have access to morphine or surgical tubing?","Greg: I can find out.","Grissom: I would do that.","(Grissom turns and leaves. Greg sighs heavily as he buttons his jacket and kicks his locker door closed.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT]","(Grissom is examining the tubing under the magnifying glass. Greg walks into the lab.)","Greg: I went through the medical records for all of our suspects. As far as I can tell, none of them have ever been prescribed morphine. I think Watson's our best bet. The guy is a security guard at Desert Palms; he was certainly around morphine.","(Greg looks over Grissom's shoulder as Grissom cuts open the tubing.)","Grissom: Tobacco leaves. Run a quick comparison. This has to belong to one of our suspects.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT]","(Brass interviews Kay Marquette, Irene Adler. Greg watches from the observation room.)","Brass: Do you like your life?","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): What kind of question is that?","Brass: Well, I mean, I've seen how happy you are at work. And then I know you come home to Mom and I guess she has terminal cancer. That's got to be tough.","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Yeah, well, you try giving enough attention to someone who never gave you any.","Brass: But the Sherlock Holmes Club, that's got to be one bright spot, hmm?","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): The one place I could go every week where no one was grabbing my butt or staring at my breasts. The one place I could talk, think.","Brass: You must have been pretty devastated when Dennis Kingsley decided to break up the club, huh?","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): (shrugs) It was a disappointment.","(Quick flashback to: [STUDY - NIGHT] Dennis Kingsley talks with his group.)","Dennis Kingsley: Next week will be the final meeting of our society. But I give you my word, it shall be an evening none of you will ever forget.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Brass: I think it's a lot more than that.","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): I don't know what you mean.","(Brass slides the report across the table toward Kay.)","Brass: Well ... the tobacco -- your blend is Cavendish.","(Quick flash to: The contents of Kay's purse are a pipe and some surgical tubing.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Brass: Okay, why don't I tell this like a story, you know, like the end of a story, all right? Because I like the part where the detectives solve the crime. So here goes. On the day of the murder, you broke into Denny Kingsley's house. That's easy enough, the lock's crummy. You snuck downstairs. You replaced his cocaine with morphine, because you knew he was a creature of habit. So now all you had to do is wait.","(Quick flashback to: [STUDY - NIGHT] Kay sets up the suicide and pulls the trigger.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Brass: So you sprinkle some of Dr. Watson's pipe tobacco in the carpet. You scoop up some of Denny's blood, to splash on Watson's shoes later. Why the elaborate frame-up of Watson? He had as much to lose as you.","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): Because he's the one that told Denny to give it all up and go back to his family. Because he's the one that wanted to be Sherlock Holmes, because he didn't care what it was doing to me.","(She sniffles and leans forward.)","Kay Marquette (Irene Adler): You see, Detective ... (British accent) Denny would have wanted his murder to be the perfect puzzle. A mystery worthy of the master.","(She starts laughing.)","(Camera refocuses on Greg in the observation room.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(Greg walks dejectedly through the hallway. At the end of the hallway, Warrick and Nick are talking.)","Nick: Hey, Greg, Grissom wants to see you.","Warrick: Like now, in his office.","(Greg turns around and sighs heavily. Might as well get this over with.)","(He heads for Grissom's office.)","[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(Greg walks into the office. He sees a dark figure behind Grissom's desk in his chair.)","Greg: Grissom. You wanted to see me.","(The chair swings around and we see that it's Mr. Gel Dummy dressed up as Grissom, a large sign stuck on his chest:","YOU PASSED!","(Everyone steps out into the room - Nick, Warrick, Sara, Catherine and Grissom. Ecklie is with them. They cheer and applaud him. Sara gives Greg a hug. Catherine kisses Greg's cheek and gives him a hug.)","Catherine: Well done.","(Everyone shakes his hand. Grissom smiles proudly at Greg.)","Conrad Ecklie: Congratulations, Sanders. Good work.","Greg: Thank you.","Conrad Ecklie: Okay, gang, there's people to put in jail. Let's get back to it, shall we? Come on, come on, now. Party's over. Let's go.","(Everyone leaves.)","Nick: Good job.","(Greg looks at Grissom.)","Greg: I don't get it. I got the wrong guy, the wrong manner of death.","Grissom: I don't expect you to be correct in all your interpretations all the time. You collected the evidence. You thought there was something missing, you went back and found it. Hey, that's the job. Congratulations, Greg.","(They shake hands.)","Greg: Thank you.","(In the doorway, Catherine holds up a bottle of champagne while the others hold their glasses. They're waiting for Greg.)","(Greg goes to join them. He rushes over and they hand him his glass.)","Voice: Cheers. To you.","(Camera holds on Grissom as he watches them celebrate.)","FADE TO BLACK"],"Show Title":"CSI Crime Scene Investigation","Episode Number":"05x11","Episode Title":"Who Shot Sherlock?","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_06x09.json","Recap":["Grissom and Catherine investigate the death of a man found in a dumpster, who is found to have had a severe eating disorder. Meanwhile, Nick and Sara investigate the death of a couple of the brink of a bitter divorce, in which evidence seems to point to the couple's dog."],"Transcript":["[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- NIGHT]","[CU: BUFFET PLATE]","(FAST FORWARD: Food is placed on a plate, paid for and carried to the table. It's eaten and put in the tray when the table is bussed.)","(The bin is carried into the kitchens. Someone picks up the plate and accidentally drops it on the floor. The place cracks. Someone sweeps the pieces into a dust bin and carries it outside where it's thrown into the garbage.)","(Inside the garbage is a dead body.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[PHOTO FLASHES]","(Grissom takes photos of the dead body in the garbage bin.)","[EXT. - NIGHT]","(Brass walks up to Grissom.)","Brass: Hey.","Grissom: I was happy to hear the review board cleared you.","Brass: Well, it's been a rough time, but I'm dealing with it. Anyway, a kitchen worker found him. Says a lot of homeless people hang out here. Says the vic was unfamiliar to him.","Grissom: Creased khakis, oxford shirt, new shoes. This guy had a home.","Brass: Well, I checked the front pockets, no ID.","Grissom: Back pockets?","Brass: I was leaving that for you.","(Grissom turns and looks at the body.)","Brass: Looks like some blood around his lips. Maybe somebody punched him in the mouth. What do you think?","(Grissom reaches into the garbage bin and takes a swab of the red substance around the dead man's smiling lips. He looks at it and smells it.)","Grissom: Cranberry sauce.","(Brass chuckles.)","Brass: I know. Happy Thanksgiving.","FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. -- NIGHT]","(Grissom and Catherine are near the body waiting for David Phillips to finish.)","Catherine: This place used to make a hell of a meatloaf sandwich. (to Grissom) You ever eat here?","Grissom: Not since the chef blew his brains all over the kitchen.","David Phillips: I eat here all the time. I like the chili.","Grissom: TOD, David?","David Phillips: Based on liver temp, he's been dead around two hours.","Catherine: Well, it looks like he was knocked out and thrown out. And there's some metallic silver residue on his cheek.","(Grissom snaps a photo of a white sticky substance on the dead body's hand.)","Grissom: What's this gunk in his hands?","(David pries the stiff hand open.)","David Phillips: Mashed potatoes.","Grissom: There were mashed potatoes in the dumpster.","(He notices the man's nails.)","David Phillips: No fingernails ... on either hand.","Catherine: Maybe he was alive inside there. Digging to get out.","Grissom: Or he had really bad table manners.","Catherine: There's some scarring on his wrist, but not on the other.","David Phillips: Look what I found in his pocket. \"Aunt Jackpot's Pretzels.\"","(David shows them the napkin.)","Catherine: Oh, now, they make a great pretzel.","Grissom: Maybe that's why he's got that smile on his face.","(Camera lingers on the smile on the man's face.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAWN]","[EXT. RESIDENCE -- MORNING]","(A crowd of curious onlookers have gathered outside the taped-off area just outside the residence.)","(Sofia Curtis, Sara and Nick walk up the driveway toward the house.)","Sofia Curtis: 419 times two.","Nick: Double murder?","Sofia Curtis: Husband and wife.","(They notice a car with Nevada plates, 656-DHL.)","Sara: Beat-up car in a Lexus neighborhood.","Sofia Curtis: We ran the plates. RO doesn't live here. We're tracking her down.","(Nick reads the bumper sticker as they walk past the car.)","Nick: \"Bitch on wheels.\" Can't wait to meet her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. RESIDENCE - MORNING]","(Sofia opens the door and they walk inside.)","Sofia Curtis: Alarm was triggered at 11:45 P.M. The monitoring company notified PD when the homeowners didn't return their call. Patrol finally arrived at 3:32 A.M.","Nick: Residentials are a low priority. They're usually false alarms.","(On the floor are two dead bodies.)","Sofia Curtis: Not this one. Michael and Lori Tinsley. Kitchen door was open when we arrived. His wallet was in his pocket. Her purse was on the counter. Cards, cash, TV, stereo, it's all still here.","Nick: If this was a robbery, they missed all the good stuff.","(Sofia glances at her watch.)","Sofia Curtis: The coroner should be here right now. So, uh, I'm gonna go see what's happened to him.","(Sofia leaves. Sara kneels down and looks at the woman.)","Sara: Well, looks like she exsanguinated out her jugular.","Nick: Abrasion on his forehead. No visible blood. Blonde hairs on his shirt. Both victims are brunette.","Sara: Blonde hairs on the wife, too. And possible skin scrapings under her fingernails. Maybe she got a piece of her attacker.","(Quick flashback to: Lori Tinsley struggles against her attacker. End of flashback.)","Nick: If her neck was sliced with a knife, it was probably serrated. The wound's too jagged for a straight one.","(Sara looks around and sees the open cabinet.)","Sara: Check out that record collection. The cabinet door's open.","(She walks over to look. She opens the cabinet door and looks at the record collection. Nick leans forward to look at a blood drop on the ground.)","Sara: Alphabetized. Classic rock. Looks like several records have been removed recently.","(Quick flashback to: Someone opens the cabinet door and removes several records. End of flashback.)","Sara: I'll dust for prints.","Nick: Smudges in the blood trail. Ovoid shapes suggest directionality. Satellite stains also suggest suspect moved this direction.","(Nick heads in the direction of the blood trail.)","Sara: Judging by these gaps, I'd say entire catalogs are missing.","Nick: There is good money in vinyl. Especially if it's rare and well-preserved. Who would kill somebody over a bunch of records?","(He turns on the flashlight and looks at the open back door. The sprinklers are on.)","Sara: Something's missing between the Beach Boys and Billy Joel.","Sara\/Nick: (both) The Beatles.","(Nick walks outside.)","(He checks the door latch.)","Nick: Loose strike. Would have been pretty easy to get in from back here.","(From the kitchen, Sara sees the dog bowl.)","Sara: They have a dog.","Nick: (calls out) Sofia said the door was open; maybe he took off. Bloodstains stop at the grass. Sprinklers are on now, kissing the evidence good-bye.","Sara: Hey, Nick.","Nick: Yeah?","Sara: There was some blood on these dog bowls.","(Nick steps back into the house.)","Sara: Considerable.","(Nick kneels and looks at the blood on Kahlua's dog bowls.)","(They hear a thud. Sara looks around, then at Nick. They hear another thud.)","(They both get up and reach for their guns. They make their way down the hallway. At the end of the hallway is a partially opened door.)","(They push the door open and find a dog sitting inside an open kennel box.)","(The dog growls.)","(On the dog's muzzle is dried blood. The dog's paws are also bloodied.)","Nick: I'll call Animal Control.","(Nick puts his gun away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]","(Robbins shares his findings with Catherine.)","Dr. Robbins: Stomach is massively distended. Human stomachs have a volume of about one liter, a little more than a quart. But they have the ability to expand and hold up to four liters. But looking at this guy, I'd say he was packing around six. And that's your COD.","(Quick flashback to: The victim is in the garbage bin gasping for breath.)","(Camera zooms down toward his chest and into his chest.)","Robbins: (V.O.) Asphyxia due to mechanical compression of the lungs due to gastric dilatation.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Robbins: His stomach expanded, leaving no room for the organs. It's going to keep me on my diet for a couple more weeks. Let's take a look.","(Robbins takes a scalpel and cuts the stomach open.)","Robbins: Ooh, the guy was a walking buffet.","Catherine: Multiple contusions. He's got a band of dead tissue on his wrist. No fingernails.","Robbins: Cuticle's are inflamed and still intact. They weren't pulled off. They were bitten down ... At first I thought tortured and force-fed, but the usual signs of force feeding are absent. No abrasions on the mucosal surface of the lips. No aspirated food in the airways.","Catherine: So what are you thinking now?","Robbins: He ate himself to death.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. AUNT JACKPOT'S PRETZELS VENDOR STAND -- DAY]","(Catherine shows a worker a photo of the dead man found in the garbage bin.)","Catherine: Do you recognize this face?","Pretzel Vendor: I know exactly who that is. Man, dude's crazy.","Catherine: Dude got a name?","Pretzel Vendor: No name. Oh, but I got a wallet.","Catherine: What, he left it behind?","Pretzel Vendor: More like he threw it.","(Quick flashback to: The man rushes up to the pretzel stand, pushing the other customers waiting out of the way.)","Jerry Gable: Pretzel, thank you, please.","Pretzel Vendor: Hey, pal. Where's your manners?","Jerry Gable: Just one pretzel, please.","Pretzel Vendor: Oh, no, no, no, no.","Jerry Gable: Just a quick, fast one.","(He pulls out his wallet.)","Jerry Gable: Come on.","Pretzel Vendor: No, no.","(He grabs a pretzel and leaves his wallet behind.)","Pretzel Vendor: Hey, hey, hey, hey! I said no! Excuse me.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","(Catherine looks inside the empty wallet.)","Pretzel Vendor: See, salty pretzel's $1.50. Only a dollar in the wallet. Jerk.","(Inside the wallet, Catherine also finds a photo of Jerry with his sister, Sophie and another man.)","Pretzel Vendor: Hey, and I took the money, by the way.","(Catherine finds the following in the wallet: * a bus pass for DEC 2005; * a business card for DIGGER JAMES, Sport Promoter, EXTREME EATING FEDERATION","Phone: (702) 555-0198","Fax: (702) 555-0199 )","Pretzel Vendor: I didn't care. Oh, I saw that. Sports promotions. Man, I seen his gut, man. He don't look like he no athlete.","Catherine: They're calling poker players athletes these days. Seen the guts on them? Hey, can I get a pineapple cinnamon?","Pretzel Vendor: Oh, okay, good choice.","Catherine: Thank you.","(The pretzel vendor turns to get her order. Catherine takes out the phone and dials the number on the card.)","Voice (woman): (recording) O198. Please leave your message after the tone.","(Catherine hangs up.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]","(The dog kennel box is at the lab. It's tagged and labeled.)","Jesse Menken: All right, let's take a look at our Cujo.","(She opens the box and pulls out the muzzled dog. The dog whines softly.)","Jesse Menken: Yeah, she's ferocious.","Nick: Yeah, yeah, I'm petrified. So what's the outside chance of rabies?","Jesse Menken: She's not salivating excessively or showing any signs of hydrophobia, but rabies doesn't present immediately. She'll be quarantined for the next ten days.","Nick: Well, other than rabies, what would make a dog attack its owner? Abuse?","Jesse Menken: Abused animals may turn violent. Head traumas may induce unprovoked aggression. And there's always springer rage.","Nick: Yeah, yeah, I hate that show, too.","(She chuckles.)","(She clips a sample of the dog's hair and puts it in a bindle.)","Jesse Menken: It's a form of epilepsy associated with several breeds, including springers and retrievers. Man's best friend will back you corner and attack. Five minutes later, she's licking your face as if nothing ever happened. I'll suppose you want bite impressions?","Nick: Yeah, I'll prep the microsil, if you prep the pooch.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]","(Sara interviews Missy Halter.)","(She shows her a photo of the car, license #656-DHL.)","Sara: This car is registered to you, Ms. Halter?","Missy Halter: Yeah. So?","Sara: And why was it in the Tinsleys' driveway?","Missy Halter: I lent it to Michael; his Beemer's in the shop. I want it back. (She points to herself.) This was not meant for public transit.","Sara: And your relationship with Michael Tinsley is?","Missy Halter: Why is that any of your business? I'm his girlfriend, okay?","Sara: How does his wife feel about that?","Missy Halter: (scoffs) Not my problem. They're separated, getting divorced. Michael lives with me. I want to talk to Michael now.","Sara: Were you at Lori Tinsley's house last night?","Missy Halter: No. I've never been inside that psuedo Cape Cod dump.","Sara: If you've never been there, then how do you know it's a pseudo Cape Cod dump?","Missy Halter: I know her taste.","Sara: Well, your fingerprints were at the scene. In fact, you helped yourself to the record collection.","(She shows her an AFIS REPORT from a fingerprint found at the scene.)","Missy Halter: That's why I'm here? Because you think I stole some albums? What did Michael tell you?","Sara: Not much.","Missy Halter: Look, he said Lori was planning on selling his vinyls. So, last week, when she was out and he was at work, he gave me the keys, the alarm code and a list of albums he couldn't live without.","(Quick flashback to: [INT. TINSLEY RESIDENCE - DAY] Missy Halter walks into the house and opens the cabinet. The dog comes around her and she hits the dog. The dog yelps.)","(She goes back to removing the records from the cabinet.)","(End of flashback.)","Missy Halter: Michael's owned those records since high school. He has the white album, autographed by Paul McCartney.","Sara: And he didn't break into the house himself because ... because ...","Missy Halter: ... he needed an alibi in case Lori pressed charges. Look, I am trying to be helpful here, but I'm not saying another word until you let me talk to Michael.","Sara: You have the right to remain silent, but Michael Tinsley and Lori Tinsley are dead.","(Missy Halter is surprised by the news.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]","(Hodges gets a bucket of the stomach contents. He's grossed out by it, puts his head gear down and pours it out into a flat bin. He picks out the larger pieces of whole or near-whole hot dogs and puts it in a container.)","(He picks out more pieces and puts it in a second container.)","(He sifts out some of the smaller pieces and puts it in another container.)","SHORT TIME CUT TO:","(Hodges has various containers lined up on the table and labeled.)","(Catherine walks in.)","Catherine: Oh, nice look.","(Hodges has a clothespin pinned to his nose.)","Catherine: That'll guarantee you the chicks.","Hodges: Silvery material on your vic's face was graftobian theatrical makeup. Moonlight Silver is the color.","(Catherine starts laughing. Grissom walks in.)","Hodges: Okay, look, I can't stand the smell of hot dogs. They make me sick.","Grissom: So, all this stuff was in the vic's stomach?","Hodges: Among other things. You know what the worst kind of burp is? Hot dog burp. You know, like your dad's just letting them loose, or maybe the ex-girlfriend ...","(Hodges removes the clothespin from his nose.)","Hodges: Well, as you can see, he wasn't much of a chewer, which was very lucky for us. Made it easier to identify the food. Cake, mac and cheese, pretzels, pasta, beef, shrimp, fish and, of course, hot dogs.","Grissom: Food normally takes two to four hours to digest, which means he ate all of this ...","Hodges: In two to four hours before he died.","Catherine: How many hot dogs did he eat?","Hodges: Approximately twenty.","Catherine: God, ugh. Do you think we might be able to ID the makers of the hot dogs from the ingredients?","Hodges: No. Believe it or not, most hot dog companies are very proprietary over their recipes.","Catherine: Well, how about through the griddle marks?","Hodges: Oh, yeah, sure. I'll just run it through the hot dog appliance database.","Grissom: When was the last time you saw a branded logo on a hot dog?","Catherine: Looks like those novelty chatter teeth. Weird.","Hodges: You think that's weird? Check this out.","(He puts a container in front of them.)","Hodges: This was in his stomach, too.","(Grissom takes out the piece of paper. It's an ad.)","Catherine: \"Circus Town Buffet.\"","Grissom: \"All-U-Can-Eat.\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CIRCUS TOWN BUFFET - DAY]","(Catherine and Brass show the buffet manager a picture of Jerry Gable.)","Buffet Manager: I know exactly who that is. How could I forget him?","(Quick flashback to: Jerry Gable is eating the buffet.)","Buffet Manager: (V.O.) He didn't even wait to sit down.","(Jerry fills his plates up and eats at the buffet table. The buffet manager stands on the side watching him eat and eat and eat.)","Buffet Manager: (to radio) Hi, we've got a problem. Hurry up before the food's gone.","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Buffet Manager: I called security to kick him out. When they arrived, he was gone.","Brass: Kick him out? Sign outside says, \"All-U-Can-Eat.\"","Buffet Manager: Look, he was taking it a little too far.","Catherine: Well, he paid, didn't he?","Buffet Manager: Yeah, cash.","Catherine: So he still had his wallet. Do you have any surveillance on your register?","Buffet Manager: For the $1.99 buffet? That would be a no.","Catherine: And are those the only hot dogs that you serve?","Buffet Manager: Yeah, we're famous for our cocktail wieners. You should try one.","Brass: I think we need a couple of cocktails first.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY]","(Nick and Sara walk through the hallway and discuss the case.)","Nick: DNA confirmed all the blood at the crime scene is Lori Tinsley's.","Sara: Sofia talked to their divorce lawyers. Michael and Lori were fighting over everything -- the house, the cars, her jewelry. When she found out that he was stealing his stuff back, she had the locks and the alarm codes changed.","Nick: (chuckles) Well, Michael did send his girlfriend Missy over to retrieve his vinyl, but last night he broke in himself, not to mention she was home. That's kind of asking for trouble, isn't it?","(They enter the DNA Lab.)","Sara: Yeah, divorce is war, huh? Sure glad I don't have that problem.","Nick: Yeah, me either. Hodges.","(Hodges has his back to them as he looks through a scope.)","Hodges: I'm not done with your samples, okay? And I just received the fingernail scrapings.","Sara: Well, I sent the scrapings to DNA.","Hodges: DNA kicked them over to me. There were no biologicals in the sample.","Nick: Have you processed the hairs yet?","Hodges: That, I have done. All the hairs lifted off the victims' clothes were consistent with each other. There's a sample under the scope.","(Sara looks through the scope.)","Hodges: Root is shaped like a spade which is indicative of canine, and the scale pattern is consistent with a golden retriever.","Sara: Oh, yeah, the victims have a golden retriever.","Hodges: Well, if you'd cracked that mystery at the scene, you would've saved me a lot of time. (sighs) I've been working like a dog.","Nick: You know, studies have found that pet owners have lower stress levels. You should check that out.","Hodges: Well, I had hamsters growing up. My mother hated them. She said they stank up my room, but I just loved to watch them spinning on their little wheels. One day I came home and they were gone. Somehow they'd gotten out of their cage.","Sara: How much did your mother hate them?","Hodges: They ran away.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]","(David Phillips washes Lori Tinsley's neck. He walks around the body and snaps photos of the marks on her neck.)","SHORT TIME CUT TO:","(David Phillips x-rays Michael Tinsley's body.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Robbins saws through Michael Tinsley's head to examine the brain. He removes a bullet and puts it in a pan.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY]","(Sara is holding the bullet. She and Nick both appear very surprised by the find. Robbins reports his findings to them.)","Nick: Michael Tinsley was shot?","Robbins: Yeah, the bullet penetrated the base of the brain and lodged in the occipital lobe. The hemorrhage was intracranial.","Nick: Looks like a .22 caliber.","Robbins: Yeah, the scalp abrasion was probably incidental.","Sara: We did not check the house for GSR; we didn't know he was shot.","Robbins: That's understandable -- the entry wound wasn't visible -- but check this out.","(Robbins pushes the rod through the opening in the brain and it comes out through the right nostril.)","Robbins: Some people will put anything up their nose.","Sara: So, Michael Tinsley breaks into his own house, the alarm goes off, all hell breaks loose. She shoots him, the bullet goes up his nose, and then what? Kahlua freaks and rips out the wife's throat?","Robbins: It's possible, which is another reason I prefer cats.","Nick: The Tinsleys died at home ... alone. So, where's the gun?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY]","[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - DAY]","(Grissom is in his office when Greg walks in carrying two grocery bags.)","Greg: I went shopping. Bought every brand of hot dog for sale in Las Vegas.","Grissom: Who's paying for it?","Greg: You mean the lab's not going to reimburse me?","Grissom: No.","Greg: Well, I couldn't identify the chatter teeth logo, so I figured I could physically match one of these to the one found in the victim's stomach, you know? Maybe comparing that twisty thing at the end.","Grissom: Sounds like a good idea, Greg. I'm still not paying for it.","Greg: Fine -- guess I'll just eat hot dogs for the rest of the year.","Grissom: \"A hot dog at the ballpark tastes better than a steak at the Ritz.\"","Greg: Well, I can tell when you're quoting something. (Greg sits down in the chair.) Who said it?","Grissom: Humphrey Bogart.","Greg: Mm.","Grissom: Did you know that the term \"hot dog\" was actually coined at a baseball game?","(Greg shakes his head.)","Grissom: New York Polo Grounds, somewhere around 1867. A German butcher was selling what he called \"dachshund sausages\" out of his pie wagon. He put them on a roll, so that his customers wouldn't burn their fingers. He'd yell out \"Get your dachshund sausages, they're red hot!\" Soon, all the vendors at the polo grounds were selling them, too. But they were too lazy to say \"dachshund sausages,\" so they just called them \"hot dogs.\"","Greg: Now there's over 50 major brands.","Grissom: Good luck. I'm rooting for you.","Greg: Well, hopefully I find a wiener.","(Greg stands up and leaves. After a beat, Grissom shakes his head.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]","(Greg takes out the hot dog packages from the grocery bags and sets them on the table. He opens the first package and looks at the end, comparing it to the original.)","(It's not a match. He sets the hot dog aside and opens the second package. He compares it.)","(Dissolve to: He continues to compare hot dog ends to the original.)","(He continues to compare hot dogs.)","(Finally, he finds a match.)","(He looks at the package: NEL'S. He flips the package over and sees the following ad on the bottom of the flap, \"Win a Trip to the Hot Dog Eating Tournament in Las Vegas\", and \"Details Under Label\".)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. EXTREME EATING FEDERATION -- DAY]","(A man in a hot dog costume holds up a sign:","NEL'S","REGIONAL","HOT DOG","EATING","TOURNAMENT","-- TODAY --","IN PRIZE MONEY )","Digger James: Gut check, one, two! Gut check! Ladies and gentlemen! Time for the bib sheets.","(Close-up of: A hot dog is 'branded' with a logo.)","Digger James: Today's match will include some of the most famous gurgitators in the sport. Let's start with one of the finest: The godfather of the sport has a mouth so big he speaks in surround sound, ladies and gentlemen. Three-time lasagna-eating champion, Antonio Colletti.","(Antonio stands up.)","Antonio Colletti: Yeah!","Digger James: Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man, she can eat a cake faster than anyone can. Current cupcake champion and the most elegant eater in the sport, Patty Cake Newton.","(Patty Cake stands up and blows kisses to the crowd. Catherine and Brass are in the crowd.)","Digger James: Our most vocal gurgitator ...","Catherine: There's the chatter teeth logo.","Brass: EXEF Wasn't that the name on the business card you found in the vic's wallet?","Catherine: I think we just found our Digger James.","Digger James: ... He's said to have two stomachs! Undisputed popcorn shrimp champion, James \"Spare Tank\" Patterson.","(James Patterson stands up and belches loudly.)","Digger James: And finally, known for his jaw strength, trains with his pit bulls, three-time rib champion -- today he will be wearing the EXEF Hot dog camera -- Marty Mayron, \"the meat machine!\"","(Marty stands up and barks to the crowd.)","Digger James: All right, gurgitators, you have twelve minutes to eat your way into history.","(The starting gun is fired and the contestants dig in to the plate of hot dogs in front of them.)","Digger James: They're diving straight in there. Marty Mayron going with the Japanese, dipping his bun in lemonade to make it go down easier and then biting that hot dog into little pieces. Not to be outdone, Miomoto going for the double Japanese. Colletti, the old pro, double-fisting it, double-dunking it. That is a Heimlich waiting to happen.","(The clock reads 10 minutes to go ... )","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The clock reads 3 minutes to go ... )","Digger James: ... Is not fooling around -- He's doing a reverse Japanese: Bun first, hot dog afterwards. Sort of a \"dachshund chaser.\" Still pushing it, going old school, like a little kid trying to impress his grandmother at Thanksgiving dinner. Patty Cake going mostly cakey on that one. You can almost see the icing on that hot dog. Colletti having a bit of a problem. Something's slowing him down.","(Colletti stands up and throws up on the side of his chair.)","Digger James: Whoa! Antonio Colletti, a reversal of fortune. That's an immediate disqualification, and, of course, disgusting for all of us to watch.","(One of the officials pulls Colletti aside.)","Brass: Wow.","Catherine: Well, which one do you want? The guy in the silver face paint or Digger James?","Brass: I don't know -- slimy stuff is your thing. I don't want to get mustard on my suit. I'll take Digger.","Catherine: Do I have a choice?","LATER:","(The contest is over and the winner holds up his trophy. Brass interviews Digger James and shows him a photo of Jerry Gable.)","Brass: Hey, you recognize this guy?","Digger James: That's Jerry. By far, one of the best walk-on gurgitators I've ever seen.","Brass: So you gave him your business card, right?","Digger James: I'm the U.S. rep for the EXEF.","Brass: All right, EXEF. What exactly does that stand for?","Digger James: It's the Extreme Eating Federation. We're one of the most popular leagues in the sport.","Brass: Pounding down hot dogs, that's a sport?","Digger James: Since the early days of man. You got thirty Neanderthals in a cave and a rabbit walks in, you have a competitive eating situation, my friend. We have rules, records, prize money. Some of our top competitors earn up to a half a million dollars a year. We're on cable.","Brass: No kidding. Well, what does all this have to do with Jerry?","Digger James: Everything. Jerry had undeniable gastro-intestinal fortitude. He took third in yesterday's competition. That qualifies him for the finals in Atlantic City. It made the Las Vegas Post.","Brass: Hmm.","Digger James: Sports section.","(Quick flashback to: [CONTEST] Jerry is wolfing down hot dogs.)","Digger James: Jerry Gable is pounding those dogs.","(The hot dog girl changes his hot dog count from 16 to 17 ... to 22.)","Digger James: Third place goes to walk-on \"An Amazing Job\" Jerry Gable!","(Digger James hands Jerry his trophy.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","(Brass looks at the newspaper with a photo of Jerry smiling and waving.)","Brass: Can I keep this?","Digger James: Sure.","Brass: Thanks.","Digger James: I'm telling you, with proper training, Jerry could've proudly represented the U.S. and taken back the golden weenie from the Japanese champion.","Brass: Yeah, got to get that golden weenie back.","(Digger James nods.)","Brass: Uh, so after the tournament, did you see Jerry?","Digger James: Paid him, gave him my card, left him to celebrate.","Brass: Any idea who he was celebrating with?","(Behind them, Catherine interviews Marty Mayron.)","Marty Mayron: You want a sample of my face paint?","Catherine: Yeah, it's part of my investigation.","(She reaches out and touches the silver paint on his face.)","Catherine: Oh, it's still moist. That's good for me.","Marty Mayron: I didn't do anything to Jerry Gable. Okay, in the beginning, I admit I was a little pee'd off that I lost to the guy. But then I learned what a disturbed individual he was.","(Quick flashback to: [AFTER THE CONTEST] Jerry Gable walks around searching for more food.)","Jerry Gable: Couple more! Just, just, just, just, a couple ... couple more! Has anybody got more hot dogs? Please!","Marty Mayron: What are you trying to prove, huh?","(Someone hands him something. It's not what he wants and he throws it on the floor.)","Jerry Gable: Just give me more!","Marty Mayron: Trying to be a big guy, tough guy, huh?","(Frustrated, Jerry bangs his head against the hot dog counting sign.)","Jerry Gable: Please, please!","(Jerry turns and bumps into Marty Mayron.)","(End of flashback.)","Catherine: And what happened after the friendly hug?","Marty Mayron: Some guy in a hat came by, took him out of here.","(Catherine shows him the photo found in Jerry's wallet. He looks at the third man in the photo, a man in a blue hat.)","Catherine: Is that the guy in the hat?","Marty Mayron: Sure is.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) -- DAY]","[INT. TINSLEY RESIDENCE -- DAY]","(Sara enters the house and closes the door behind her. She looks down at the pool of blood on the floor.)","(Quick flashback to: The dog barks and Lori screams. End of flashback.)","(Sara checks the floor in front of the couch and sees a skid mark.)","(Quick flashback to: The dog barks and the gun slides under the couch. End of flashback.)","(She checks under the couch and finds the gun.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB - DAY]","(Nick takes the mold of Kahlua's teeth and makes an impression of them.)","(He takes a clear plastic and places it over the photo of the wounds on Lori's neck. He circles the bite marks with a pen. He compares the marks on the neck with the mold.)","(They don't match.)","(Sara walks in.)","Sara: So I found the murder weapon. It slipped under the living room couch -- presumably when Kahlua attacked Lori.","Nick: Well, a dog did attack Lori, but it wasn't Kahlua. The bite marks on Lori's neck are inconsistent with Kahlua's teeth.","Sara: Oh, which means Kahlua gets to walk.","Nick: Check out this left canine.","Sara: The tooth is chipped.","Nick: All the dog hair we found at the crime scene was consistent with a golden retriever, which suggests there was another golden retriever in the house. It could've attacked Lori, fled out the kitchen door.","Sara: That is like saying there's a second shooter on the grassy knoll -- they only had one dog, Nick.","Nick: I'm calling Animal Control. We're looking for another golden retriever, one with a bad tooth and rotten disposition.","(He pulls his phone out to make the call.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM -- NIGHT]","(Robbins is carrying a large package and walking down the hallway to the break room. He sees Warrick at the vending machines.)","Robbins: Little late to be going to court.","Warrick: No, I'm not going to court. I'm taking my Lady Tina to that new Cirque show at the Wynn and I forgot my tickets in my locker.","Robbins: That's nice, but if you're looking for something to tide you over, look no further.","(Robbins takes a pie out from the package.)","Robbins: Busy night. Figured the lab could use a little lovin' from the oven.","Warrick: Oh, your wife made a pie.","Robbins: I made the pie. Strawberry rhubarb.","Warrick: I'm impressed.","(Robbins slices a piece and throws it down on the plate.)","Warrick: Let's take it easy with the cutting there, doc, it's starting to look like the hit-and-run on your table last week.","Robbins: Just try it.","Warrick: Thanks.","Robbins: You know, it's vegan. Low fat, low sugar, low carb ...","Warrick: Low taste.","(Robbins turns and catches Catherine walking down the hallway.)","Robbins: Catherine, Catherine, come here. I need your opinion on this.","(He cuts a second piece and tries to give it to her.)","Robbins: Try this.","Catherine: No, thank you, I just came from Nel's hot dog eating tournament. I'm really done with food.","Robbins: It's good.","Warrick: I was watching that on cable. Some Japanese guy ate, like, 64 hot dogs in 12 minutes.","Catherine: Yeah. He's was the most famous guy in Japan behind Yao Ming.","Robbins: Yao Ming is Chinese. Try it.","Catherine: They ought to make it an Olympic sport or something.","Catherine: Please? No, I can't go there. I can't.","Warrick: You know, if you want to cleanse your taste buds, I suggest you try Doc Robbins' pie. Really.","(Warrick turns to leave.)","Catherine: Yeah, that's why you're leaving it behind.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT]","(Grissom is reading when Catherine walks in.)","Catherine: I got an ID on dumpster guy. Brass is tracking down a current address.","Grissom: Prader-Willi.","Catherine: No, his name was Jerry Gable.","Grissom: No, Prader-Willi syndrome. A rare gentic disorder that causes ceaseless, uncontrollable excruciating hunger. It's as if your stomach was truly a bottomless pit.","(Catherine sits down.)","Catherine: That could explain why after consuming twenty-two dogs, he wanted more. Could also explain why he was found in the dumpster. He followed the food.","Grissom: Prader-Willi syndrome is characterized by short stature, hypotonia, almond-shaped eyes, and obsessive fingernail biting.","Catherine: That kind of fits the victim's description.","Grissom: Sufferers are born with a flawed hypothalamus. Normal hypothalamus receives a signal from the stomach -- \"I'm full, stop eating.\"","(Quick flashback to: [CONTEST] Jerry eats the hot dogs during the contest. Camera follows the piece of hot dog into his mouth.)","(CGI EFX: The piece of hot dog and bun go down his throat and into his stomach.)","(Blue sparks representing the signal from the stomach travels up to the brain. The brain doesn't receive or acknowledge it.)","Grissom: (V.O.) But with Prader-Willi syndrome, the signal never reaches the brain.","(End of CGI EFX. Resume to flashback.)","(Jerry Gable scrambles through the grounds looking for more food. He goes from spot to spot, focusing on the food people eat.)","(End of flashback.)","Grissom: They're always hungry.","Catherine: Like having a full tank of gas, and gauge is stuck on empty.","Grissom: Guy's like Jerry are monitored their whole lives. Constant supervision 24 hours a day. You remember the scar tissue we found on his wrist?","(Quick flashback to: Jerry Gable sits in a chair with his right wrist restrained. He struggles. End of flashback.)","Grissom: I think it's possible that our vic spent most of his life in restraints.","Catherine: So either he escaped or ... someone set him free.","Grissom: In which case, they'd be responsible for his death.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT]","(Hodges catches Nick in the hallway.)","Hodges: I heard your case has gone to the dogs.","Nick: Oh, Hodges, heel. No, better yet, play dead, man.","Hodges: Play nice, I'm throwing you a bone. The fingernail scrapings from your female vic was baking grease. (He hands Nick the results.) How does that fit in the puzzle?","(Nick stops walking as he thinks about it. He walks away, handing the results back to Hodges as he leaves.)","[INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(Nick finds Sara in one of the lab rooms.)","Nick: Hey.","Sara: According to the court records, the Tinsleys weren't just fighting over property. They were also engaged in an expensive custody battle.","Nick: Custody over what? They didn't have any kids.","Sara: They had Kahlua. And evidently, yesterday both parties agreed to let the dog decide for herself. According to Michael's girlfriend, the dog was his, but Kahlua chose Lori.","(Quick flashback to: Kahlua stands next to a man as both Lori and Michael call Kahlua over.)","Lori Tinsley: Here, Kahlua.","Michael Tinsley: Come here.","Lori Tinsley: Come on, Kahlua.","Michael Tinsley: Come here.","Lori Tinsley: Come on.","Michael Tinsley: Hey.","Lori Tinsley: Come to Mama, sweetie.","(Kahlua goes over to Lori.)","Lori Tinsley: Yeah.","(End of flashback.)","(Nick puts it together.)","Nick: I think I know why.","(Quick flashback to: Before the meeting, Lori rubs her fingers against some bacon.)","Nick: (V.O.) Lori greased up before the big face-off.","LATER:","(Lori claps her hands in front of her trying to get Kahlua to her. The scene indicated in blue grease moves from her hands ... )","Lori Tinsley: Here, Kahlua.","Michael Tinsley: Come here.","Lori Tinsley: Come on, Kahlua.","Michael Tinsley: Come here, come on.","Lori Tinsley: Come on.","Michael Tinsley: Come here.","Lori Tinsley: Kahlua, come.","(... and straight to Kahlua's nose. Kahlua smells the bacon and heads for Lori.)","Lori Tinsley: Come to Mama, sweetie. Yeah.","(End of flashback.)","Nick: A dog's sense of smell is 25 times more sensitive than humans. Bacon grease would've been pretty irresistible.","Sara: Question is ... \"Did Michael know that Lori was playing dirty?\"","(Nick's cell phone rings; he answers it.)","Nick: Stokes. Yeah, all right, cool. Our suspect is in custody.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK)]","[INT. CSI - LAB]","(Nick and Sara meet up with Jesse Menken and Kahlua 2.)","Jesse Menken: Animal Control picked her up near Centennial Park, called the number on the tag, left a voice mail.","Sara: Dead people don't return calls.","Nick: New collar, new tags. Kahlua. Same name.","Jesse Menken: Spoke to Animal Control. Kahlua number two was adopted the same day as the murder. You want to guess the adopter's name?","Nick: Michael Tinsley. You bet.","Sara: He adopted Kahlua's doppelganger.","Nick: Left tooth is chipped. Confirm's ID. She doesn't seem very ferocious.","Jesse Menken: You want to see ferocious?","Nick: Yeah.","(Jesse puts Kahlua 2 into the kennel box and closes the door. She motions to someone down the hallway.)","(A gun is fired.)","(Kahlua 2 barks ferociously.)","Sara: How did you know?","Jesse Menken: When the guys loaded her up into the Animal Control van, they slammed the door and she went off.","Nick: So the gun acted as a trigger. She heard it and attacked Lori.","Jesse Menken: Probably abused in the past. If they'd known, they never would've put her up for adoption.","Sara: Michael broke into the house intending to swap dogs, hoping that Lori wouldn't even notice the difference.","(Quick flashback to: [EXT.\/INT. TINSLEY RESIDENCE - NIGHT] Michael breaks into the back door with a pocket knife. The alarm goes off.)","SHORT TIME CUT TO:","(Lori and Michael are arguing in front of the two dogs.)","Michael Tinsley: You don't give a damn about Kahlua! You just don't want me to have her!","Lori Tinsley: You care more about that stupid dog than you did me!","Michael Tinsley: For once you got it right!","(Lori goes to the desk drawer and takes out a gun.)","(They struggle for the gun. The gun fires and hits Michael. Michael falls to the ground. Kahlua 2 attacks Lori.)","(Kahlua 2 runs away.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Sara: When Kahlua number two took off, Kahlua number one came out of hiding.","(Quick flashback to: Kahlua approaches Michael and nudges him. Kahlua then goes over to Lori and nudges her. He licks some of the blood getting it on him and his paws, turns, then leaves.)","(End of flashback.)","Nick: The police showed up, she got scared , went back to her closet.","Sara: Their marriage ended in a dog fight, and only the dog survived.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE GABLE APARTMENT - DAY]","(Brass and Catherine walk down the hallway.)","Brass: So I called about a dozen Jerry Gables. One had an answering machine for Jerry and Suzie Gable. This apartment is listed to Jerry and Suzie Gable. Here's Suzie.","(Brass hands a copy of the NEVADA DRIVER LICENSE to Catherine. It reads:","LIC # 1800592214 EXPIRES 05-12-2006","SSN: 503-45-734","CLASS: C","BIRTHDATE: 05-12-1977","s*x: F HEIGHT: 5'4\" WEIGHT: 105","EYES: BRN HAIR: BLN","SUSAN GABLE","16 S. MEADOWS LN #103","LAS VEGAS, NV 89101 )","(Brass knocks on the door.)","Brass: Las Vegas Police.","(The door opens.)","Suzie's Boyfriend: Please tell me you found Jerry.","(Catherine and Brass look at each other.)","[INT. GABLE APARTMENT - DAY - CONTINUOUS]","(Inside the apartment, there are locks on all the cabinets and refrigerator.)","Brass: Okay, so who are you?","Suzie's Boyfriend: I'm Susie's boyfriend.","Brass: All right, Susie's boyfriend, what's your name?","(As Brass questions Suzie's boyfriend, Catherine looks around the apartment.)","Suzie's Boyfriend: Look, I don't have anything else to say. Hey, that's my easiest question.","Catherine: Hey, you don't want to give us your name, fine, but you better explain why Jerry's not in this chair.","(Suzie's boyfriend doesn't say anything.)","Catherine: All right, look, I'm going to print this restraint. And when I find your fingerprints all over it, I won't need to ask you again.","Suzie's Boyfriend: Okay, okay, all right. He escaped. All right? I was supposed to be watching him, and I conked out for a second, and by the time I got up, he was gone from his chair.","Brass: He escaped? So, what, the guy's Houdini?","Suzie's Boyfriend: Trust me. He may have been slow, but he was manipulative.","Brass: Yeah.","Suzie's Boyfriend: Look, how do you deny a 30-year-old man food? I mean, I felt like I was torturing the poor guy.","(Quick flashback to: Suzie's boyfriend is on the phone. Jerry is strapped in his chair, biting his fingernails.)","Suzie's Boyfriend: (to phone) Yeah, I told you them Vikings suck. All right, I'll meet you at the Circus Town Book.","(He hangs up.)","Jerry Gable: Can I go to Circus Town with you? I heard the buffet there is yummy.","(He shows the ad in the paper to Suzie's boyfriend.)","Suzie's Boyfriend: No.","(Jerry turns in his chair, rips out the ad and eats it.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Suzie's Boyfriend: My plan was just to drop him off at the buffet while I went back to the sports book. By the time I got back ... oh, man ...","(Quick flashback to: [INT. CIRCUS TOWN BUFFET - DAY] Suzie's boyfriend returns to the buffet. Jerry is gorging himself on the food.)","(Just then, the man dressed in a hot dog costume carrying a billboard sign for NEL'S REGIONAL HOT DOG EATING TOURNAMENT walks in through the door.)","(Suzie's boyfriend focuses in on the $10,000 PRIZE MONEY.)","(He looks at Jerry.)","(End of flashback.)","Suzie's Boyfriend: I couldn't help myself. I had to sign him up.","Brass: So let me guess -- you blew his winnings at the sports book?","Suzie's Boyfriend: Well, what was he gonna do with them? He's been strapped to a damn chair his whole life.","Brass: You know, you managed to supersize a combo of two deadly sins -- greed and gluttony. Shame on you. So what's he doing in a dumpster?","Suzie's Boyfriend: I don't know. Was there food in the dumpster? 'Cause when we were on our way home, Jerry was still hungry. Wanted to hit up Krispy Kreme. And by the time I could tell him no, he was running off down the street. I looked for him all night.","Brass: Yeah? Where's Susie?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOSPITAL - SUZIE'S ROOM - DAY]","(Catherine talks with Suzie Gable, who is in bed after surgery.)","Suzie Gable: I knew I shouldn't have left Jerry with my boyfriend. I'd been calling to check in. He wasn't answering. I could tell something was up.","Catherine: Why did you leave your brother with somebody you didn't trust?","Suzie Gable: There was no one else. I had to get this surgery today or my insurance wasn't going to cover it.","Catherine: Couldn't you have left him with a family member?","Suzie Gable: We have no family. Our parents died in a car crash years ago.","Catherine: What about some kind of professional help?","Suzie Gable: I'm a waitress, Miss. I ... I don't make much. There's a really nice institution in Summerlin, but it costs a $100,000 a year. And the last babysitter I hired, Jerry beat up trying to get to the fridge. I swear to you, I really tried to take care of my brother. I really ... did the best I could.","(She turns away, crying. Catherine takes out the photo of Jerry in the newspaper. Jerry is holding the trophy and smiling.)","(The caption reads: Jerry Gable takes 3rd in Nel's Regional Hot Dog Eating Tournament yesterday.)","Suzie Gable: Jerry took third place?","Catherine: (smiling) Yeah.","Suzie Gable: I bet he had the time of his life."],"Show Title":"CSI Crime Scene Investigation","Episode Number":"06x09","Episode Title":"Dog Eat Dog","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_06x22.json","Recap":["The team investigates the death of a man with a designer suit and the keys to a Ferrari, found dumped in a back alley. Their search leads them to believe he went down fighting and was dragged through a hall with wet paint on the walls. Eventually, they are led to a service in Las Vegas that orchestrates the 'perfect weekend' for an unsuspecting target by uncovering their fantasies and hiring actors to start and play a part in those fantasies."],"Transcript":["FLASH IN:","[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT]","[INT. CAR (MOVING) -- NIGHT","(A man drives a red Ferrari down the road, a beautiful blonde in the seat next to him. He throws his head back, laughing with exuberance.)","(The blonde kisses the man as he guns the engine.)","(The blonde runs her hand slowly up his thigh. The man smiles at her, then shifts the car into gear and takes off down the road.)","FLASH TO:","[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[EXT. HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT]","(The man drives the red Ferrari to the drive. The valet opens the passenger door and helps the blonde-haired woman out of the car. The man tosses the keys to the valet and tips him a $100.)","(The blonde smiles at the man. She takes his hand and they head into the casino.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CLUB - NIGHT]","(The blonde and the man dance. They kiss on the floor.)","[INT. CLUB - HALLWAY - NIGHT]","(The blonde and the man are kissing in the back hallway.)","(Getting carried away, she pulls him into the women's bathroom. They continue kissing. She reaches out and shuts the door closed.)","THE DOOR SLAMS SHUT:","[EXT. PARKING - NIGHT]","(Grissom and Catherine walk over to the dead body. Brass stands nearby as David works on it.)","Brass: A truck driver making a delivery found him.","Catherine: TOD?","David Phillips: About two or three hours ago.","(Grissom notes the bruise on the dead body's neck.)","Grissom: Neck contusion.","(Catherine notices the scrapes on the body's right hand knuckles.)","Catherine: Looks like he went down fighting.","Grissom: Any ID?","David Phillips: Just this.","(David hands Grissom a room key.)","Grissom: Palermo room key.","Catherine: Nice clothes.","Brass: Well, they do make the man.","(Grissom notices the white stain on the man's pants.)","Grissom: He's got some kind of transfer on his pants.","(Catherine fines more white stuff on the man's shirt.)","Catherine: Yeah, and on his shirt. So what's a guy dressed for a party with a key to this hotel doing out here?","Grissom: I don't know. But the party's over.","SMASH CUT TO: END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. HOTEL LOADING DOCK -- NIGHT]","(Grissom and Catherine process the crime scene. Catherine is up on the docking area when she finds white smudge on the concrete.)","Catherine: Got smudges that look like white paint up here. Similar to the trace on the vic's clothes.","(Grissom is down on the parking area.)","Grissom: Same down here. So whatever it is, it must have been wet.","(Grissom snaps a photo of the white paint smudge next to evidence marker #1.)","(Catherine walks over to the white paint smudge on the docking concrete area and puts evidence marker #3.)","Catherine: I don't see any wet paint signs up here either.","(Looking for the source of the white paint smudges, she turns and looks inside the hotel area.)","[INT. PALERMO - BACK ENTRY CORRIDOR - NIGHT]","(She walks through the white-walled hallway and touches it. The walls are still wet with paint.)","(She looks at the wall and sees the place on the wall where the paint has been smudged. She snaps photos of it.)","(At the end of the corridor are double doors leading into the hotel. Catherine slings the camera over her shoulder and heads for the doors.)","(Catherine enters the hotel lobby through one of the side doors.)","[INT. PALERMO - LOBBY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(Catherine looks around the area, noting where she is.)","Overhead: Two performances nightly of Palermo's fabulous show, \"The Girls of India.\" Now on display at Palermo Jewelers -- diamonds at Romanoff's.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. PALERMO - FRONT DESK -- NIGHT]","(The manager swipes the card key in the machine. The monitor shows the room:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. PALERMO - ELEVATOR -- NIGHT]","(The elevator doors open. The manager steps out; Catherine and Nick follow.)","Manager: The room is registered to a Jeffrey Powell of Van Nuys, California.","Catherine: He check in with anybody?","Manager: No. The reservation was for one person. He checked in yesterday, paid with a corporate credit card.","Nick: Do you remember the name of the company?","(The manager unlocks the room door and pushes it open.)","Manager: Sheritown Inc.","(Catherine enters the room and starts taking photos. Nick turns to the manager.)","Nick: Sheritown Inc. We're going to need access to all of the surveillance footage from tonight, all right?","Manager: You got it.","Nick: Okay.","(The manager leaves. Nick turns and enters the room.)","[INT. PALERMO - JEFF'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS]","(The room is a mess. Catherine snaps photos as Nick looks around. The bed is rumpled and messed up. The nearby table has empty dinnerware, two champagne bottles and two used glasses.)","Nick: Two glasses. Think our vic got lucky?","(Nick puts on his gloves.)","Catherine: Oh, yeah.","(Catherine leans forward and snaps a photo of some hair strands on the bed.)","Catherine: He got lucky, all right. He got lucky with a blonde.","(She picks up the hair and reaches for a bindle. Nick notices the clothes tossed on the ottoman.)","Nick: Jeans ... full of holes. Must've been wearing them a long time.","Catherine: Either that or he just bought them and paid a fortune.","(Nick moves the clothes aside and finds a book on BLACKJACK.)","Nick: I remember my first time to Vegas. I got one of these - \"Guide to Blackjack\". Everybody dreams of hitting it big out here, don't they?","(Nick tosses the book back on the other clothes and things.)","Catherine: Yeah, well, if that ever ends you can kiss Vegas good-bye.","(Nick opens the bedside table drawer and finds a packet of a white powdery substance.)","Nick: We have a winner.","(He picks it up and shows it to Catherine, who is looking through the jacket pockets.)","Catherine: Jackpot.","(She looks at the jacket label.)","Catherine: Ooh, Sasan. Cost him more than all of his other clothes put together.","(She notices the blue discoloration on the jacket.)","Catherine: There's some kind of blue powder trace on the pocket. Nicky, take this.","(She tosses Jeffrey Powell's wallet to Nick. He opens it.)","Nick: California driver's license.","(The information on the CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE reads:","JEFFREY POWELL","623 VAN NESS AVE.","LOS ANGELES, CA 90028","s*x: M HAIR: BLK EYES BRN","HT: 5-8 WT: 155","Nick: Company credit card.","(The CORPORATE GOLD credit card with the VISA logo, #7002 0511 2837 3301.)","Nick: Amateur Speedway Association card.","(The Amateur Speedway Association card expires 1999.)","Nick: Guy liked fast cars.","(Catherine finds car keys on the bedside table.)","Catherine: Except he was driving a Toyota.","Nick: No cash. This sounds like a classic trick roll.","(Quick flash to: [INT. CASINO - NIGHT] Jeffrey Powell is at the gaming tables and winning.)","Nick: (V.O.) Kid from of town on a lucky streak--","Jeffrey Powell: I cannot lose tonight!","(On the side, a blonde-haired woman watches him.)","Nick: (V.O.) He's an easy mark.","WHITE FLASH TO:","[INT. ROOM - NIGHT]","(Jeffrey Powell is undressing the blonde-haired woman. They're kissing.)","Nick: (V.O.) Get him up to the room ...","(The blonde-haired woman pours champagne directly into Jeff Powell's mouth.)","Nick: (V.O.) loosen him up ...","(End of flash. Resume to present.)","Nick: ... jump him and dump him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY ]","(Warrick snaps photos of the body on the table. David Phillips starts removing the clothes off the body. He pulls off the pants and sees the stain on the victim's underwear, a purple-ish discoloration on the front.)","David Phillips: Mom was right -- always wear clean ones. Because you never know what could happen. What do you think that is?","Warrick: Why don't you take a whiff?","David Phillips: Why am I always the guy who has to sniff the shorts?","Warrick: 'Cause it's your job.","(David looks at Warrick.)","David Phillips: You do it.","(Warrick puts his camera down and leans forward a little. He smells.)","Warrick: Red wine.","(David smiles. Warrick checks the victim's pants and finds there's no stain.)","Warrick: It's not on his pants. What about the shirt?","David Phillips: No.","Warrick: So he must have changed after the mess.","(Warrick checks the pants pockets.)","David Phillips: Oh, I already went through his pockets.","(Warrick takes out a slip of paper: INSPECTED BY #17.)","David Phillips: Of course, I was double-gloved.","Warrick: Clothes are brand new.","(David looks at the victim's hands and finds a callus on the skin between his thumb and index finger.)","David Phillips: Hmm ...","Warrick: Looks like a callus.","(David holds a ruler next to the victim's hand as Warrick snaps photos of it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[SECURITY VIDEO MONITOR]","(The security video for ELEVATOR CAM 2 at 10:52 shows Jeffrey Powell in the elevator with a tall blonde.)","Nick: (o.s.) There's a long-haired blonde.","(Camera cuts wide and we find we're in the ...","[INT. CSI - A\/V LAB #4 - DAY]","(Archie is reviewing the security camera footage.)","Archie Johnson: Yeah, I've been watching this for a while now.","Nick: Time stamped 10:52 P.M. He entered his room a couple of minutes later. Manager said the last time he used his card key was 10:54 P.M.","Archie Johnson: We look forward about an hour ...","(Archie sets the video forward to 11:47.)","Archie Johnson: Jeff leaves his room alone.","(Video shows Jeffrey Powell enter the elevator.)","Nick: He doesn't have a jacket on. He's probably not going too far.","Archie Johnson: So he gets off the elevator, goes into the casino, and nine minutes later, ...","(Archie sets the video forward to where the blonde woman enters the elevator alone.)","Archie Johnson: ... same blonde goes down in the elevator.","Nick: Mm-hmm.","(The blonde rests against the side railing, enough for the camera to catch her face.)","Nick: Grab that.","(Archie screen-caps the frame.)","Nick: Print that.","(He prints the frame.)","Archie Johnson: After the vic gets off the elevator, I lose him in the casino crowd for about fifteen minutes.","Nick: How do you lose him? Aren't there a hundred cameras in there?","Archie Johnson: And at four hours of video each, that's four hundred hours of video I got to go through. (Nick smiles.) The vic was found at the loading dock off the shopping arcade.","(Archie points to the video where the victim is walking through the lobby.)","Archie Johnson: And here, he's heading for the arcade here. That's the last time I've got him on camera. There's no surveillance in the arcade hall. Only in the individual stores.","(A woman walks out of the nearby store.)","Nick: Freeze that.","(Archie freezes the video frame.)","Nick: Enhance that bag.","(The name on the bag is SASAN.)","Nick: The vic was wearing a Sasan jacket.","Archie Johnson: Hah. Check this out. Bingo.","(Archie checks the store map and finds it:","B-102C","2,798 SF","SASAN BOUTIQUE","Nick: I'm going shopping.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. SASAN BOUTIQUE -- DAY]","(Nick talks with Erica, the saleswoman.)","Nick: But you were working last night.","Erica: Yeah, we've been short-handed.","Nick: Do you, uh, do you recognize either one of these people?","(Nick shows her the elevator photo of Jeffrey Powell and the blonde-haired woman.)","Erica: No. Sorry.","(She hands the photo back to Nick. Nick takes out a second photo of the Sasan jacket.)","Nick: How about this? Recognize that?","Erica: Sure. That's from the new spring line. The leather's like skin. It's incredible. Show me that picture again.","(Nick hands the elevator photo back to her. She studies it longer this time.)","Erica: Now I remember. He bought a whole outfit. Even wanted underwear. We don't sell underwear.","Nick: Credit card receipt, anything like that?","Erica: (shakes her head) He paid cash. He was flashing a wad.","Nick: Mm-hmm. Buy anything for her?","Erica: Nothing. She didn't need anything. Looked perfect. Was making my job real easy.","(Quick flashback to: [INT. SASAN BOUTIQUE - NIGHT] The blonde helps Jeffrey Powell into the jacket as Erica watches. She kisses him.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Erica: That guy would have bought anything she wanted him to, Mr. Stokes.","(Nick smiles.)","Nick: Thank you.","(Nick turns to leave.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]","(Robbins snaps photos of the victim's chest. He uses a special camera and light. As he snaps photos, the bruises on the victim's neck appear.)","TIME CUT TO:","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]","(Robbins reports his findings to Catherine. The victim's neck is open, his skin peeled back to show inside.)","Robbins: I found extensive contusion involving the anterior aspect of the neck with hemorrhage in all the strap muscles. The thyroid, cricoid and arytenoids cartilages are all multiply fractured.","(Camera zooms in for a close-up on a CGI IMAGE of the bones snapping.)","RESUME VIEW","(Robbins points out the broken bone in the neck.)","Robbins: The hyoid bone is fractured as well.","Catherine: The blunt-force trauma to the neck?","Robbins: Yeah. COD is asphyxiation due to obstruction of the airway. Took a few minutes to die.","Catherine: Any idea of the source of the BFT?","Robbins: Well, I enhanced the contusion on the neck using UV photography.","(He shows her the photo.)","Robbins: Looks like there's a defined edge on the weapon.","Catherine: Yeah, that could be anything. How about prelim tox results?","Robbins: Well, tox detected methamphetamine, sildenafil and oxycodone.","Catherine: Stimulant, erection and a painkiller. Party in a pill.","Robbins: Where was that on my wedding night?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. PALERMO - PARKING GARAGE -- DAY]","(Greg and Sara question Lenny Andretti, the hotel valet.)","Greg: This couple look familiar?","Lenny Andretti: Sweet red Ferrari. F-360 Spyder.","Greg: When did you see them?","Lenny Andretti: Last night-- I brought the car when they left. Around 8:15. They're gone a couple hours. The car - pfft -- was amazing.","Sara: Did they happen to tell you where they were going?","Lenny Andretti: No.","Sara: Do you know what time they got back to the hotel?","Lenny Andretti: Uh, a little after ten. The guy gave me a Benjamin. I kept an eye out on that baby, I didn't want any of these other maniacs putting their paws on it.","Sara: What about the girl? You ever seen her before?","Lenny Andretti: I don't think so.","Sara: She strike you as a working girl?","Lenny Andretti: I'll say this, if she was hooking, then she was top shelf, just like that car. I felt kind of like that garage guy in \"Ferris Bueller's Day Off\"? You know, he likes the car so much, he takes it out for a spin for, like, the whole day. Not that I'd ever do that.","Sara: Of course not.","Lenny Andretti: Whoa, look, I had nothing to do with the damage on that car.","(Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Jeffrey Powell and the blonde are walking away when Lenny looks at the car and notices the scratch on the front.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Lenny Andretti: I mean, it was pristine before they took it out.","Greg: They were in an accident? How bad?","Lenny Andretti: Look, any scratch on that beauty is a tragedy and this was, like, a dent. You know what? They looked like they didn't even care. Anything else I can do for you?","Sara: Um, thanks.","Lenny Andretti: Lenny. Lenny Andretti. No relation.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- DAY]","(Hodges reports his findings to Catherine.)","Hodges: The trace for your vic's jacket pocket was primarily talc.","Catherine: Blue baby powder?","Hodges: No. Take a look.","(Catherine looks at the crystals in the scope.)","Catherine: Birefringent crystals. Pretty. What are they?","Hodges: It's a mixture of silica and axolite, two abrasives. But when found with talc, it suggests only one use.","Catherine: And that would be?","Hodges: In 1897, William Spinks received a patent for what came to be known as \"Spinks Billiard Chalk.\"","INSERT: MONTAGE","(A cue stick is chalked up. The cue tip makes contact with the white ball, sending chalk particles on the billiard table felt.)","Hodges: (V.O.) You may be surprised to know that cue-tip chalk does not contain chalk at all; it is a mixture of axolite and silica.","(Cut to: Jeffrey Powell rubs his fingers on the jacket pocket as he puts his hands in the pocket.)","RESUME VIEW:","Hodges: The abrasives give grip to the tip when it hits the ball.","Catherine: Stop trying to make that sound dirty. Our vic had a callus on his hand.","Hodges: Mmm ...","Catherine: Don't. Which means that he was probably playing a lot of pool.","Hodges: Where do you go in this town to shoot stick with a hot blonde and a Ferrari?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. CUE-T (POOL HALL) -- NIGHT]","(Brass and Catherine enter the pool hall.)","Brass: There's at least a half a dozen of these high-end pool halls in Vegas. The word on the street is a lot of out-of-town money comes through here.","Catherine: Well, it's closer to Palermo; it's a good place to start.","(Catherine picks up the chalk on the table. They look around and Brass sees someone hand money to a man, who turns around and hands it to Jake behind the counter. Brass and Catherine head over to Jake.)","Brass: Hey, buddy, how's it going? Have these two been in lately?","(He shows Jake the elevator photo of Jeff Powell and the blonde.)","Jake: No. It's pretty dark in here, wouldn't recognize my own mom if she came in.","Brass: It wasn't so dark you couldn't count your vig from that game over there.","Jake: It's not illegal to bet on a pool game in Nevada.","Catherine: -- but it is illegal for the house to take a cut a gaming license. I don't see one on the wall.","Jake: That's because nothing like that's going on here.","Brass: So, if we asked everyone in here, no one would say that you're taking a piece of the action?","Jake: Let me take another look.","Brass: Sure. Knock yourself out.","Jake: I never see the guy. Girl's kind of a regular here. Name's Heidi.","Brass: So, I guess your eyes do get used to the dark.","Catherine: You know where we can find this Heidi?","Jake: Oh, man ...","Brass: (interrupts) You know, I don't see that license anywhere. Look, here's what we're going to do. Get on the phone. Call Heidi. Tell her a distinguished gentleman has just come in with a large wad of cash looking for some action. That'd be me.","SHORT TIME CUT TO:","[INT. CUE-T (POOL HALL) - NIGHT]","(Heidi Wolff walks in. She heads over to Jake, who is standing near two officers. She stops and turns away. Brass and a uniformed officer walk up to her.)","Brass: Heidi Wolff? How you doing? I'm Jim Brass, Las Vegas Police. Can I talk to you for a minute?","Heidi Wolff: About what?","Brass: Do you know this guy?","(He shows her the elevator photo of Jeff Powell.)","Heidi Wolff: No. Apparently, you think I do.","Brass: Oh, I know you do. You want to tell me how he turned up dead?","(She looks at the photo again, a worried look on her face.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM A -- MORNING]","(Brass interviews Heidi Wolff. She's sitting at the table. He's standing nearby.)","Brass: So you spent the night with Jeff Powell.","Heidi Wolff: And he was alive when he left me.","Brass: Oh. He left you?","Heidi Wolff: Yeah. Believe it or not. Look. He was getting kind of weird on me.","INSERT FLASHBACK","[INT. PALERMO - JEFF'S ROOM - NIGHT]","(Heidi is on the bed, the sheet wrapped around her. Jeff is dressed and putting his shoes on.)","Heidi Wolff: Hey. Where you going?","Jeffrey Powell: Don't worry, I'll be right back. You know, I think I may just have to fall in love with you.","(He walks out the door. The door closes behind him.)","WHITE FLASH TO: BACK TO SCENE:","Heidi Wolff: So I put on my clothes and I got out of there. I was looking for fun, not a lifetime commitment.","(Brass sits down.)","Brass: Is that what you call fun? Rolling a guy, taking his money?","Heidi Wolff: I didn't take his money.","Brass: Heidi, Heidi, ho. Look, we know Jeff was waving around a large wedge of cash. And the money was gone when we found him. You're an expensive date, Heidi.","Heidi Wolff: I'm a professional gambler. Probably the only one in Vegas who declares every dollar. You can check my tax returns.","Brass: We checked the hotel sheets.","Heidi Wolff: We had s*x. Is that against the law? No.","Brass: No.","Heidi Wolff: We won some money shooting pool. Is that against the law? No.","Brass: You gave him drugs. Is that against the law? Yeah. Look, here's the way I see it breaking down. You left the room nine minutes after he did. You went downstairs. You checked with your partner. You killed the kid, you took the cash, end of story.","Heidi Wolff: Let's get this straight. He was a sweet kid and I'm sorry he's dead, but I had nothing to do with it. And I'm done talking.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. EXTRAVAGANT AUTO -- MORNING]","(Greg and Sofia enter the Extravagant Auto showroom.)","Greg: According to the DMV, of the 12 Ferrari F-360 Spyders registered in Vegas, only three are red. Two of them are privately owned, and a rental company has the third. And since the vic owns a Toyota in LA and Heidi Wolff drives a beetle ...","(The manager, Robert Rhoda, exits the back and walks over to meet them.)","Sofia Curtis: ... you figured this would be a good place to start.","Robert Rhoda: Welcome to Extravagant Auto. Robert Rhoda. (He shakes their hands.) If what you're dreaming about's on four wheels, I can get it for you.","Sofia Curtis: Actually, we're looking for a red Ferrari Spyder.","Robert Rhoda: The lady likes fast cars. And I just happen to have one. But it got into a little fender-bender, so it's going to take a day or so to get it fixed.","(He notices her badge.)","Sofia Curtis: We'll take it as is.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[FERRARI]","(CU: The dent and scratch on the red Ferrari Spyder.)","[EXT. EXTRAVAGANT AUTO -- MORNING]","(Greg examines the damage to the car as Sofia and Robert Rhoda watch.)","Greg: Looks like paint transfer on the left rear quarter. Clear coat's been peeled front-to-back.","Sofia Curtis: Which means the Ferrari was the faster vehicle.","Robert Rhoda: The Ferrari is always e faster vehicle.","(Greg snaps a photo of the damage. Sofia walks around the car and finds more damage in the front.)","Sofia Curtis: Ooh. Nice dent to the front bumper.","(Greg takes a sample of the car paint off the scrape.)","Robert Rhoda: You're looking at $15,000 of damage there.","Sofia Curtis: Who rented it?","Robert Rhoda: Can't help you with that. Our customer records are confidential. In any case, we're not making a police report about the damage.","Sofia Curtis: No need. We're impounding it.","Robert Rhoda: What?","(Greg looks at the car's inside.)","Greg: Looks like the interior's been cleaned. I'll call auto transport and have them tow it back to the lot.","(Robert Rhoda takes his cell phone out and starts snapping photos of the car.)","Sofia Curtis: Mr. Rhoda, what are you doing?","Robert Rhoda: I'm documenting my loss. I'm filing for crime victim compensation.","(Sofia doesn't say anything. She glances over at Greg, who smiles and shakes his head.)","WHITE FLASH TO:","[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- DAY]","INSERT: MONTAGE","(Hodges takes the cap off the container and removes the paint sample inside. He processes the sample.)","(He makes a resin cube around the paint sample and processes it.)","(He places the cube under the scope and looks at it.)","ECU: A RED PAINT SAMPLE","(Hodges smiles.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]","(Grissom walks out of his office looking at a photo from a file folder when Greg catches him to report his findings.)","Greg: Grissom? Hodges confirmed the paint transfer on the Ferrari is a black acrylic enamel.","Grissom: That doesn't narrow it down much.","Greg: Well, it gets better. It's a GM paint, with traces of fiberglass-reinforced plastic. Which means, we're looking for a black Corvette.","Grissom: I'll have Brass put out a broadcast. Nick ran the vic's credit card. \"Sheritown, Inc.\" is based in L.A., run by a guy named Mick Sheridan. I'm going to meet him at the PD.","Greg: Mick Sheridan the movie producer? I grew up watching his action blockbusters -car chases, ninjas, cyborg death machines. We used to make body armor out of tinfoil, and re-enact the scene all over the neighborhood. What about you? You were a green beret kid? Secret agent?","Grissom: I'm not telling. And stay away from my tinfoil.","(Grissom walks out of camera frame, leaving Greg behind. Greg smiles.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE -- DAY]","(Grissom and Brass meet with Mike Sheridan, the movie producer.)","Mick Sheridan: I'm sick about this. Of all kids. Jeff. I can't stop crying.","Brass: You want something to drink?","Mick Sheridan: Oh, thanks, uh ... (He looks to the officer standing on the side of the room.) Small Pellegrino, room temperature.","(The officer moves away. Brass and Grissom exchange looks.)","Grissom: Mr. Sheridan, can you tell us anything about this girl?","(Grissom shows the photo of Heidi Wolff to him.)","Mick Sheridan: I don't know her. Jeff must have met her here. I loved him like a son. Smart. Hard-working. I hired him right out of law school.","Grissom: What kind of work did he do for you?","Mick Sheridan: An assistant. He wanted to learn from the bottom up, like I did.","Brass: Oh, right, he used to be an actor.","Mick Sheridan: Yeah. But I had a nasty habit -- I wanted to eat regularly. And didn't want to work as a waiter to do it.","Grissom: Did Jeff have any nasty habits?","(Mike Sheridan turns and looks at Grissom.)","Grissom: We found several different drugs in his bloodstream.","Brass: What was Jeff doing Las Vegas?","Mick Sheridan: Um ... about a month ago, when he was making copies of my divorce settlement, he spotted a provision that my wife's lawyer had rephrased. My lawyers had missed it. He saved me millions of dollars. So to thank him, I gave him a vacation.","Brass: You give him any cash?","Mick Sheridan: Couple hundred bucks, corporate credit card. Told him to have fun.","Grissom: Fun, huh?","Mick Sheridan: (nods) Yeah. I'll be regretting that for the rest of my life.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY]","(Greg is in a black Corvett dusting for fingerprints. Sara walks in carrying a camera.)","Sara: I guess the broadcast paid off. Black Corvette.","Greg: Parking enforcement found it abandoned off Durango near Russell.","Sara: Right between the pool hall and the Palermo?","(Greg tape-lifts some prints off the steering wheel.)","Greg: Yup.","(Sara snaps photos of the damage to the car.)","Sara: This would have been impossible to drive away.","(Finished, Greg gets up and moves away from the car.)","Greg: Yeah. Bummer.","Sara: Please tell me there's something more to this guys and cars thing beside the obvious penis-extension metaphors.","Greg: So you want me to lie?","(Sara goes back to snapping photos of the damage to the car. Greg picks up his own camera and looks at the car damage to the back bumper.)","(Camera zooms in for a CU of the paint transfer.)","Greg: Red paint transfer.","(Greg lifts the camera and focuses.)","WHITE FLASH TO:","[INT. CAR - STREET - NIGHT]","(Jeffrey Powell is driving the Ferrari with the blonde in the passenger seat. The black Corvette speeds up and overtakes him.)","(Suddenly, the black Corvette brakes. The red Ferrari slams into the black Corvette's back bumper.)","(End of flash. Resume to present.)","Greg: I'll get a sample to Hodges. See if he can match this to the Ferrari.","(Sara checks the glove compartment and finds a receipt.)","Sara: It's a rental.","Greg: Extravagant Automobiles?","Sara: No. Zenith?","Greg: Yeah, night to be in the car-rental business.","Sara: Driver's name is Randy Bolen. Local address. Let's go talk to him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK)]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM]","(Sofia Curtis looks through the file folder as Randy Bolen waits.)","Sofia Curtis: \"Randy Bolen. Misdemeanor possession, assault, felony possession for sales ... \" you can't help but break the law, can you? What's with the forehead?","(Randy Bolen doesn't say anything.)","Sofia Curtis: Well, you got that bruise somehow. Want me to add leaving the scene of an accident to the list?","Randy Bolen: It was a fender bender. Not my fault.","Sofia Curtis: Sure about that?","Randy Bolen: Yeah.","Sofia Curtis: Because your car and the Ferrari were both rented.","Randy Bolen: (scoffs) So what? It's a coincidence.","Sofia Curtis: You're a local. Why did you need to rent a car?","Randy Bolen: I can't afford one all the time, so I rent one when I can.","Sofia Curtis: What were you doing all night before your fender bender?","Randy Bolen: What was I doing? I was shooting pool. Place called the ... the Cue-T.","Sofia Curtis: How'd you play? Did you win any money?","Randy Bolen: You know, you win some, you lose some.","(Quick flashback to: [INT. CUE-T (POOL HALL) - NIGHT]","(Randy Bolen plays a game of pool with Jeffrey Powell as Heidi Wolff watches.)","SERIES OF CUTS OF THE POOL GAME","(Jeffrey Powell sinks in ball after ball after ball. The crowd gathered around the billiard table is impressed.)","(Finally, the last black ball goes into the hole. The crowd applauds and cheers.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Sofia Curtis: I guess that would be lose some. How much?","Randy Bolen: Ten grand.","Sofia Curtis: That's a lot of money for a guy like you.","WHITE FLASH TO:","(Jeffrey Powell takes the cash off the pool table and leaves with Heidi Wolff. As they leave, Jeffrey Powell looks back at Randy Bolen. Randy glares back and slams his cue stick on the table as he follows them.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Randy Bolen: I've had worse nights.","Sofia Curtis: (chuckles) Yeah, I'm sure you have. You're having one now.","(She opens the file folder and shows him the photo of Jeffrey and Heidi in the elevator.)","Sofia Curtis: These the guys you played?","(He looks at the photo, then looks at Sofia.)","Randy Bolen: Yeah.","Sofia Curtis: Now, there's a coincidence, because they were in the Ferrari, which makes you a very sore loser.","(Quick flash to: [EXT. STREET - NIGHT] The Corvette guns its engine as it catches up with the red Ferrari. The Corvette pulls up alongside the Ferrari. Jeffrey Powell turns and sees Randy Bolen driving the Corvette. Randy pushes the car into the Ferrari, forcing him to sway away.)","(Still speeding alongside the Ferrari, Randy overtakes Jeffrey. Once in front, he slams on the brakes. The Ferrari hits the back of the Corvette. Randy turns the Corvette completely around, allowing the damaged Ferrari to speed past.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","Randy Bolen: Okay. So I rubbed him a little. It was a stupid thing to do.","Sofia Curtis: Not as stupid as killing him.","Randy Bolen: What, that kid-- he's dead?","Sofia Curtis: Yeah.","(Randy sits back in his seat, thinking. He shakes his head, then looks at Sofia.)","Randy Bolen: I want a lawyer.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY]","(Nick and Sofia walk through the hallway as she reports to him.)","Sofia Curtis: According to his record, Randy Bolen used to be a professional stunt driver.","Nick: Must not have been a very good one.","Sofia Curtis: He teaches at that track off Boulder Highway where middle-aged guys get to act out their Grand Prix fantasies.","Nick: Mm-hmm, okay. A guy like that gets beat by a punk kid on the street it's gonna be an assault on his manhood.","Sofia Curtis: He's got a temper.","Nick: Okay. I'll see if I can place him at the hotel. I'll let you know.","(Nick turns and heads into the A\/V Lab.)","[INT. CSI - A\/V LAB -- CONTINUOUS]","(Nick finds Archie in front of the monitors.)","Nick: Hey, Arch.","Archie Johnson: Hey.","Nick: Surveillance footage from the Palermo?","Archie Johnson: Yeah. I just found something really interesting.","(Archie is reviewing footage from the CASINO FLOOR - POKER, CAM 06 at 7:38.)","Archie Johnson: Now, that's the blonde from the elevator.","(He switches to CAM 09, CASINO FLOOR - SLOTS, following Heidi Wolff as she walks along the casino.)","Archie Johnson: There she is again. And here's Jeff Powell.","(He switches to another camera where Jeff Powell is sitting at the bar having a beer.)","Archie Johnson: This is where his evening begins, when he meets her for the first time.","(On the monitor, Heidi sits down next to Jeff and takes out a tissue. She dabs at her nose, obviously crying.)","Nick: Ooh. She didn't look too happy.","Archie Johnson: Yeah.","(On the monitor, a bartender puts a glass of wine on the counter in front of her. She digs into her purse.)","Archie Johnson: Keep watching when she points at something. Keep your eyes on her wine.","(She points to something for Jeff to look at. He turns and looks. She pulls the glass of wine to the edge of the counter, then knocks it over with her bag, spilling the drink on Jeff's pants.)","(Nick smiles.)","Nick: You think that was on purpose?","Archie Johnson: Well, sure looks that way. Take a look at this.","(Archie enhances Heidi's open purse. She's got a stack of cash in her bag.)","Archie Johnson: Girl was loaded.","Nick: It's safe to say she wasn't after him for his money.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - CATHERINE'S OFFICE]","(Sara enters the office, knocking on the door first.)","Sara: Hey.","(Catherine looks up from the computer as Sara takes a seat at her desk.)","Catherine: Hey.","Sara: Warrants came through on the rental agreements.","Catherine: Jeff Powell went a little crazy with his corporate card and rented the Ferrari himself?","Sara: No. Heidi Wolff rented it. The reservation was held in her name by a company called Caprice Unlimited. This is where it gets interesting. Caprice Unlimited also rented Randy Bolen's Corvette.","Catherine: What kind of business is it?","Sara: All I know so far is that they're unlisted.","Catherine: Well, nothing's entirely unlisted these days.","(Catherine, 1140apt6(a)gmail.com, enters CAPRICE UNLIMITED into SYPDER FINDER to run a search.)","Catherine: Caprice Unlimited.","(Sara waits.)","Sara: Mm-hmm.","(Search results show: CAPRICE UNLIMITED, \"Anything is Possible\", at www.capriceunlimited.com. Catherine hits enter.)","(The home page appears:","CAPRICE UNLIMITED Anything is Possible","Catherine: \"Caprice Unlimited.\" \"Anything is possible.\" (nods) Sounds like a s*x business.","(She reaches for the phone. Sara smiles, amused.)","Sara: What are you going to say?","Catherine: Uh, something other than, \"a guy is dead, and it looks like you're involved.\"","Male Voice: (answering machine) You've reached Caprice Unlimited. Leave a message; we shall call you.","Catherine: Not taking calls.","(Catherine hangs up without leaving a message. Sara thinks.)","Sara: Let's see if they're making any.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - NIGHT]","(Sara is at the computer, a CELLULAR FREQUENCY LOCATOR form on screen. She ENTERS the CELLULAR NUMBER: 702-55-0104.)","(ON THE LAPTOP SCREEN: A map of the area appears with cellular towers in red and various colored grids for each tower in green or blue.)","(A RED indicator appears at an address.)","(Camera zooms in and a second FIELD pops up:","CELLULAR TRIANGULATION RESULTS:","ENTER CELLULAR NUMBER:","(Sara enters the address into the field: 20511 FARNUM ROAD.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CAPRICE UNLIMITED -- JAPANESE ESTATE - ENTRYWAY -- DAY ]","(OPEN on a lantern with painted panels hanging from the ceiling. Very Oriental.)","(CAMERA moves down and we find Grissom and Sara entering the entryway through the front gates.)","(They walk through the main hallway with various dark-haired female artwork on the walls. Two uniformed officers enter the gates behind them.)","Sara: Triangulation's consistent. Caprice Unlimited made the calls from this address. According to the building manager, Caprice is only renting it for two days.","(Grissom and Sara pass through the walkway and enter the courtyard gardens.)","[EXT. JAPANESE ESTATE - COURTYARD - DAY -- CONTINUOUS","(It's like stepping into another world. A woman playing a biwa sits on the concrete bench on the side. Large circular red and yellow lanterns are strewn up along the garden, a large Koi pond graces the center of the yard.)","(Grissom and Sara cross the walkway over the pond and head further into the courtyard. Two Japanese girls are off to the side, one brushing the hair of the other.)","(At the end of the garden is a small room with shoji doors. Inside the room, a man holds a string of pearls against a young Oriental woman's bare shoulder. The woman is kneeling in front of him. Grissom watches them.)","Anthony Caprice: (o.s.) No, not quite.","(The man moves over to the second young Oriental woman and holds the string of pearls against her bare shoulder.)","Anthony Caprice: (o.s.) Oh, yes. Perfect.","(Grissom turns and looks at Sara.)","Anthony Caprice: (o.s.) You two, go get your costumes and find out what's expected of you. (to third woman remaining behind) Why don't you wait for me inside?","(The two young Oriental women exit the room and walk past Grissom and Sara. Grissom watches them leave. Anthony Caprice exits the room and looks at Grissom and Sara.)","Anthony Caprice: I'm sorry. This is a private residence.","Grissom: My name is Gil Grissom; this is Sara Sidle. We're with the Crime Lab.","Anthony Caprice: Anthony Caprice. There's no crime here. (off their looks) That was a job interview. Over $150,000 has been spent on this event. It's for several golf club salesmen. They're from Kansas City. Japanese formality will mesh very nicely with their inherent Midwestern restraint.","(At that, Sara smirks and turns around to look at the Oriental women brushing their hair in the back of the courtyard behind them. Anthony Caprice watches Sara. She turns and looks at him.)","Anthony Caprice: (continues) Their idealized women -- submissive, but in control ... (He looks at Sara.) ... becomes the geisha.","(Grissom notices Anthony Caprice watching Sara.)","Grissom: I get it. You're one of those companies that stages fantasies, right? Everything appears real, but it's all been worked out in advance?","(Sara looks at Grissom. Anthony Caprice turns his attention back to Sara.)","Anthony Caprice: These scenarios take weeks to craft. I learn everything ... (He turns and looks at Grissom.) ... about my client's wants and his desires, all without him even knowing.","(Grissom glances at Sara.)","Anthony Caprice: Secret longings -- they have a ... a kind of electricity. They're often much more visible than we would want them to be.","Grissom: (beat, then) And, uh, Jeff Powell's evening -- the girl, the car, the billiards -- all paid for by Mick Sheridan?","Anthony Caprice: (shakes his head) Never heard of him.","Sara: Who did pay?","Anthony Caprice: A benefactor. Wishes to remain anonymous.","(Anthony Caprice takes out his PDA. The screen shows a client list:","ACHESON, LENA","ASTOR, LONNIE","DUNN, TARA","FENWAY, JOE","GANEM, EMMANUEL","KIRKBAUM, MITCH","LANG, ASHLEY","LOGAN, RACHEL","PEREZ, CHASE","POWELL, JEFF","SIMON, DEAN","(He clicks on JEFF POWELL'S name.)","Grissom: Somebody rich who likes to manipulate people probably.","(A list appears on the PDA. He clicks on PRINT and PRINTS the entire SCRIPT.)","(The printer prints out the script.)","Anthony Caprice: Everybody likes to be in control. You don't have to be rich to want that.","(He walks past them and over to the printer table.)","Sara: If you're so law-abiding, why did Heidi Wolff and Randy Bolen lie to the police about what happened? Did you tell them to do that?","Anthony Caprice: All my employees have a very strict non-disclosure agreement that they have to sign, although, I'd never expect them to lie to the police. Maybe you just asked them the wrong questions.","(He turns around and hands Sara the script pages.)","Anthony Caprice: Here's a copy of Mr. Powell's scenario. Every event that they talked about was meticulously planned in advance and timed down to the minute.","Grissom: And his murder?","Anthony Caprice: Tragic. (shakes his head) But it's not in my script. (then) Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a hot tub to calibrate.","(He starts to leave. He turns around and looks at Grissom and Sara.)","Anthony Caprice: Oh. And may all your dreams come true.","(He turns away and leaves.)","(Camera holds on Grissom and Sara.)","SMASH TO BLACK.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]","(Brass walks Mick Sheridan through the hallway.)","Mick Sheridan: Well, I hope this means you know what happened to Jeff. That's the first time that the tower yanked back my Gulfstream on takeoff.","Brass: No kidding. Well, there's always a first for everything.","(Brass points to the interview room.)","Brass: We can talk in here.","Mick Sheridan: Something wrong with your office?","Brass: No.","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY]","(Brass interviews Mick Sheridan.)","Brass: You seem to have bad luck with the people who work for you.","Mick Sheridan: If that's a joke, it's in pretty poor taste.","Brass: Three years ago, you were busted with an eight ball of cocaine in your luggage. You claimed that your personal assistant had planted it.","Mick Sheridan: That's because he did. The charges against me were dropped. The poor kid had a serious problem. I got him into a program. Understand he's doing better now.","Brass: I hear you bought him a car to shut him up and take the rap.","Mick Sheridan: The media spins everything ...","(Brass holds up a hand.)","Brass: The media. We found an ounce of cocaine in Jeff Powell's personal effects. He was buying drugs for you.","Mick Sheridan: I don't do drugs. And I had no idea that Jeff had a drug problem.","Brass: Last time, you bought a car, this time, an elaborate fantasy to shut him up. The problem is, he's dead. And that makes you responsible.","Mick Sheridan: Captain Brass ... you've seen too many of my movies. I'd like to call my attorney now.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[THE SCRIPT:]","SUBJECT: JEFFREY POWELL","TIME \/ ACTORS \/ ACTION","5:00 PM \/ HEIDI + RANDY \/ -Drive to 20511 Fornum Rd. -HEIDI collects $7,000 cash for evening. -RANDY collects $12,000 cash for evening.","[NOTE: HEIDI WILL WEAR SEXY, BUT SOPHISTICATED ATTIRE.]","6:00 PM \/ HEIDI \/ -Rent reserved Ferrari at Extravagant Automobile Rentals -Drive to Palermo. Utilize valet parking. Tip at least $20.","7:00 PM \/ RANDY \/ -Rent reserved Corvette at Zenith Rental Cars. -Drive to Cue-T. Play pool and wait for HEIDI to arrive.","7:15 PM \/ HEIDI \/ -SUBJECT has been told the scene at Palermo begins at the casino bar. -SUBJECT believes \"early bird gets the worm.\" -Confirm sub-rosa he is there. Then proceed with ...","7:15 PM \/ HEIDI \/ -Enter the Palermo bar and negotiate close proximity -Act upset. Point out random high roller as abusive","[INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- NIGHT]","(Grissom, Catherine, Nick and Sara are standing around the table, putting a timeline together.)","Sara: The script for Jeff's fantasy starts with Heidi and Randy renting the cars at 6:00 P.M. Then it says Randy drives the Corvette to the Cue-T and waits.","Catherine: And Heidi takes the Ferrari. Finds Jeff at the Palermo bar.","(She pulls the photo video cam still of Heidi and Jeff at the bar closer to her. The still is for the CASINO BAR, CAM 11, at 7:44. The still ANIMATES into LIVE ACTION as they continue to narrate through the script.)","[INT. PALERMO - BAR - NIGHT (VERSION)]","(Heidi sits down next to Jeff and appears to be upset.)","Sara: (V.O.) (reading) Her instructions were: \"Act upset. Make up story about abusive high roller boyfriend. Allow Jeff to offer comfort.\"","Heidi Wolff: (reacting) Sorry. I'm really okay. (off his look) No, I'm not.","Jeff Powell: Anything I can do for you?","Heidi Wolff: It's my damn boyfriend.","WHITE FLASH TO -- BACK TO SCENE:","Nick: Any guy would help a beautiful woman in distress, right?","Grissom: Some guys are intimidated by beauty ...","(Camera cuts to Sara watching Grissom.)","Grissom: ... or fear rejection. Evidently, Caprice knew Jeff well enough to know he'd want to help her.","(Nick nods.)","(Sara reads the script.)","Sara: (reading) Heidi's next instructions were to repay subject's kindness by buying drink.\"","Catherine: Which she then accidentally spills on his clothes.","(CUT TO: The victim's jacket and clothes on hangers with wine stains on them.)","(Camera moves over and we find Jeff dressing in the dressing room. He's buckling up his belt.)","Catherine: (V.O.) Insists on buying him a new outfit, one that he couldn't afford on his own.","(Heidi kneels in front of Jeff and helps him put his belt on. Jeff's enjoying every moment of it.)","(CUT TO: Heidi hands Jeff the money to pay for the clothes.)","Sara: (V.O.) Everything was scripted down to the minute -- the clothes, ...","(CU: The cue stick makes contact with the white ball, chalk dust spattering on the table felt.)","Sara: (V.O.) ... the Cue-T, ...","(CUT TO: Jeff and Heidi speeding in the Ferrari.)","Sara: (V.O.) ... the car.","(End of flashbacks.)","BACK TO SCENE:","Grissom: Sheridan told Caprice that Jeff had been shooting pool since he was a kid. So betting on and winning a big money game was probably just part of the fantasy.","Nick: Yeah, and he was a NASCAR fan. So the whole staged car chase, narrow getaway was everything he dreamed about.","Catherine: As was the partying in his hotel room. And the s*x.","(Sara checks the script.)","Sara: Not quite. According to the script, \"your employment ends with the good-night kiss. You are not requested to perform, nor compensated for, any activity you initiate beyond this point.","(Quick flash to: Jefff and Heidi are in bed.)","Sara: (V.O.) Should nature take its course, you are on your own.\"","(Heidi smiles at Jeff.)","Jeff: C'mere.","(End of flashback. Resume to scene.)","(Grissom looks at Sara.)","Grissom: So the staged fantasy ended at Jeff's hotel room.","(Sara nods.)","Grissom: Which means he was off script when he was killed.","(Again, Sara nods.)","Nick: I don't get it. After a night like that, I would have felt like Superman. Why leave the girl?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - A\/V LAB]","(Grissom sits next to Archie Johnson.)","Grissom: The victim got to the shopping arcade fifteen minutes after he got off the elevator. It's not that long a walk. I need to know what he was doing during that time.","(Archie goes to the monitors and finds Jeff back in the casino room at 3:17.)","Archie Johnson: There's your guy.","(Archie switches cameras and shows Jeff pointing and talking with someone off screen.)","Grissom: Whatever he's reacting to is off camera. (Grissom checks the casino map.) Somewhere in the direction of the baccarat tables.","Archie Johnson: When the blonde came up to the vic in the bar the first time, she pointed in that same direction.","Grissom: What's going on over there?","(Archie checks the security cameras. He shows a man playing with the dealer.)","Grissom: He's playing solo with the dealer. That's ten or twenty thousand a hand. Guy's a whale.","(Jeff walks up to the man at the table. Two security guards stop him.)","Archie Johnson: Your vic's really going at him.","(Grissom thinks about it.)","Grissom: You know, Heidi was only supposed to tell a story about a high roller boyfriend. Maybe she actually picked somebody out.","(Archie groans and stands up. He starts stomping his feet, trying to get his circulation going again.)","Grissom: What are you doing?","Archie Johnson: I've been looking at video three days solid now. My butt fell asleep.","(Archie goes to look at the monitors again and sees something.)","Archie Johnson: Wait a second. I've seen those guys behind him somewhere else.","(He thinks about it, then switches to another camera, the SHOPPING ENTRANCE.)","Archie Johnson: Hang on.","(On the monitors, Jeff leaves the lobby.)","Archie Johnson: Jeff went from the casino to shopping arcade, and right behind him ... there they are. Same guys.","(The monitor shows the two security guys following Jeff out of the arcade.)","(Archie puts the three video shots from the various cameras up on the screen.)","Grissom: Well, call me Ishmael.","Archie Johnson: Why?","Grissom: You need to read more, Arch.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. PALERMO - CASINO -- NIGHT]","(Grissom, Catherine and Sofia Curtis walk through the casino.)","Grissom: Jeff was a winner at everything he tried that night.","Sofia Curtis: And he was falling in love.","Catherine: Which can make a guy do some pretty stupid things. So anytime more than $10,000 hits the table, the casino's required to ID the player.","Grissom: Which may help us harpoon the whale.","Catherine: Yep.","(The dark-suited MALE PIT BOSS walks up to them.)","Pit Boss: What's the occasion?","Sofia Curtis: We're investigating the death of the young man on the casino's loading dock.","(Grissom shows the pit boss the photo of the baccarat player.)","Grissom: Are you familiar with this guy?","Pit Boss: That's Dennis Kim. Flies in four, five times a year from Seoul to play baccarat. Very generous player. We reserve a table exclusively for him while he's in town.","Sofia Curtis: He still in town?","Pit Boss: Yeah. He's at his table right now.","[INT. PALERMO - CASINO - BACCARAT ALCOVE - CONTINUOUS]","(The pit boss escorts Grissom, Catherine and Sofia Curtis to the baccarat table. His two bodyguards stand close behind him.)","Pit Boss: There's Mr. Kim, right there.","Sofia Curtis: Mr. Kim, we need to speak with you for a moment.","(Dennis Kim turns and looks at them.)","Dennis Kim: Yes?","Sofia Curtis: Do you recognize this man?","(She hands him the elevator photo of Jeff Powell. He looks at the photo and shakes his head.)","Dennis Kim: Why?","Catherine: He's dead.","Grissom: Just before he died, he was talking to you.","(Dennis Kim sighs and looks at the photo again.)","Dennis Kim: Oh, yes, I remember him. He was shouting about some girl.","WHITE FLASH TO:","[INT. PALERMO CASINO - BACCARAT ALCOVE - NIGHT]","(Mr. Kim is playing baccarat when Jeff Powell walks up to him.)","Jeff Powell: Hey you! Hey! Guess what?","(One of the bodyguards steps forward and pushes Jeff Powell back away from Dennis Kim.)","Jeff Powell: Heidi, she doesn't need you or your money anymore, man. That's right. Because she has everything she needs now -- love and respect. So you go ahead and play your little card game. All right? 'Cause you the playa. But I'm the man. The man.","(End of flashback.)","BACK TO SCENE","Dennis Kim: Crazy boy.","(Catherine picks up the photo and shows it to the bodyguards.)","Catherine: Did you guys see where he went?","(The bodyguards don't look at the photo.)","Dennis Kim: (in Korean)","Bodyguard 1: (in Korean)","(Catherine looks down at the bodyguard's shoes and sees the white paint smudge on it.)","Catherine: Well, we're gonna need to take those shoes. (to Grissom) White paint.","Dennis Kim: And if I don't permit this?","Grissom: We'll just hold your men until we get a warrant.","(Kim thinks about it for a moment, then --","Dennis Kim: (in Korean)","(The bodyguards look puzzled, then start removing their shoes. Grissom puts his kit on the table.)","Grissom: Kamsahamnida. [Translated: Thank you.]","Dennis Kim: (in Korean)","(The bodyguards remove their shoes.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - NIGHT - MONTAGE]","(Catherine examines the bodyguards' shoes. She scans the shoe into the computer. She prints the shoeprint on a transparency.)","(She puts that shoe aside. She picks up the white paint-smudged shoe and looks at it under the enhancer, then scans that shoeprint into the computer as well. She prints it out on a transparency.)","(She puts the morgue photo of Jeff Powell's neck on the table. She places the transparency over the neck. It is not a match. She places the other transparency over the neck and finds a match to the bruises.)","WHITE FLASH TO:","[FLASHBACK -- MONTAGE]","(The bodyguards are roughing Jeff up in the corridor leading to the docking bay.)","Catherine: (V.O.) The bodyguards dragged Jeff through the service corridor.","(The bodyguards push Jeff outside.)","Catherine: (V.O.) Between the drugs and the confidence, he must've put up quite a fight.","(They toss him to the ground. He gets up.)","Jeffrey Powell: Hey!","(He punches the bigger bodyguard in the face. The second bodyguard kicks Jeff in the neck.)","(End of flashback.)","[INT. CSI - OFFICE - NIGHT]","(Grissom, Catherine, Greg and Sara are sitting at the table as they go over the case.)","Catherine: Most likely, he was still alive when they left. They probably thought they just had taught him a lesson.","Grissom: They did: Don't confuse fantasy with reality.","(Silent, Sara looks at Grissom. Their eyes meet. She smiles slightly.)","Greg: Well, hush money or not, you have to admit that whole fantasy night thing was a pretty cool gift from a very generous boss.","(Grissom looks surprised by that remark.)","Sara: Greg, don't you have a birthday coming up?","Greg: Why, yes, Sara, I do.","(Sara turns and smiles at Grissom. He looks back at her.)","Catherine: I'm thinking ear-shredding rock, a beautiful model, boatloads of sushi and ... latex?","Greg: Eh, that was last year.","(Sara suppresses a smile.)","Grissom: I think fantasies are best kept private.","(He looks at Sara. Camera holds a beat on Sara.)","(Nick enters the room.)","Nick: Hey. Want to know why Jeff left the girl and went downstairs?","Catherine: Okay.","Nick: This was dropped off at the Palermo. Manager sent it over.","(Nick opens the jewelry case and shows the diamond bracelet inside. Everyone leans to look at the bracelet.)","Catherine: Nice rocks.","Nick: Mm-hmm. Jeff must have spent the ten g's he won playing pool on it.","(Grissom listens and glances over at Sara.)","Nick: Gift wrapped, never picked it up.","Catherine: Yeah, there was a jewelry store right across from the service corridor entrance.","(Quick flashback to: [INT. JEWELERS - NIGHT] The clerk brings out the bracelet as Jeff takes out the cash and counts the bills.)","Jeff Powell: (excited) Most I ever spent on a girl.","(Through the glass window, we see the two bodyguards standing out in the arcade and watching Jeff.)","Jeff Powell: Most I ever held in my hand at one time.","(He continues to count the cash.)","(End of flashback. Resume to scene.)","Nick: You know, the biggest fantasy in Vegas is that everything here happens by chance. Nothing here happens by chance. The odds are set before you get off the plane.","(Nick closes the jewelry case and turns to leave.)","Greg: You know, I'd settle for a birthday breakfast.","(Hint. Hint. Greg closes the file folder in front of him and glances slyly at Catherine. Catherine picks up her cup and stands up.)","Catherine: Now that is a fantasy.","(Catherine and Greg leave the room. Grissom and Sara remain behind. Sara looks up smiling and finds Grissom looking at her.)","(Their eyes meet.)","(Hold on Grissom and we ..."],"Show Title":"CSI Crime Scene Investigation","Episode Number":"06x22","Episode Title":"Time of Your Death","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_06x23.json","Recap":["The CSIs strongly suspect a man in the death of his wife and his co-workers, but are not sure if he did it, especially by himself or with an accomplice. The suspect then leads the police on a wild ride through a busy casino, taking a hostage and barricading himself into a hotel room. Jim Brass then steps in as a hostage negotiator, but is shot as the police raid the room."],"Transcript":["[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT]","[INT. LUCKY DRAGON - CASINO FLOOR -- NIGHT]","(Card tables. Slot machines. Coins jingling as they come out of the machines. A white ball on a roulette wheel. Another card flipped over - an Ace of Diamonds to go with the King of Clubs --- twenty-one. A new stack of chips is placed on the table.) Card tables. Chips in a holder. The casino is buzzing.)","(Camera rises up above the casino room. Officer Boatwright patrols the room.)","Director of Surveillance: (from radio) Does anybody have eyes on our mystery guy?","(He walks and looks around the casino.)","Officer Boatwright: (to radio) Unit one, negative. I'm on the main casino floor. I'm heading over to BJ pit three.","Director of Surveillance: (from radio) Copy that, unit one.","(He continues walking through the casino and looking for someone.)","(CAMERA rises and focuses on the ceiling camera.)","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - CASINO SURVEILLANCE ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(Security personnel monitor the security cameras.)","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - MAIN CASINO FLOOR - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(Officer Boatwright makes his way to the blackjack table. He hears an argument in progress.)","Willie Cutler: Get out of my way.","Voice 2: Make me get out of the way.","Willie Cutler: Just get out of my way.","Voice 2: What does this have to do -- ?","(Officer Boatwright sees two men pushing and shoving each other in the middle of the casino pit. Officer Boatwright runs over to break up the two men.)","Officer Boatwright: Break it up! Break it up!","Voice: You're the guy -- !","(Suddenly, one of the men grabs Officer Boatwright's gun and fires, shooting him in the stomach. Officer Boatwright goes down.)","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - CASINO SURVEILLANCE ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(In the surveillance room, the Director of Surveillance sees the shots on the monitors. He talks into a microphone, relaying directions to casino security.)","Director of Surveillance: (to radio) Shots fired. Main floor. BJ pit three. (hits switch) Dispatch, shooter is on the run.","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - MAIN CASINO FLOOR - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(Officer Boatwright's on the floor, bleeding from the gunshot wound in his stomach.)","Director of Surveillance: (from radio) All available security to BJ pit three.","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - CASINO SURVEILLANCE ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","Director of Surveillance: (to radio) Boatwright's down. Get an ambulance.","Voice: (o.s.) Yes, sir.","Director of Surveillance: (to radio) Zoom in. Find the shooter. Find the shooter.","(In the surveillance room, surveillance uses the trackball to quickly shift cameras throughout the casino, looking for their shooter.)","Voice: (o.s.) -- the eye in the sky.","Director of Surveillance: (to radio) I got him. Shooter's headed for the slot carousel.","(On the monitor, they see the shooter running across the casino floor.)","Voice: (o.s.) All right. Left to right.","Director of Surveillance: (to radio) There he goes. He's headed for the guest elevators.","(They quickly shift cameras to keep an eye on the shooter.)","Voice: (o.s.) Seven to eleven. Here we go.","(On the monitors, the shooter runs to the elevator just as the elevator doors open. He grabs the woman just stepping out and pulls her back into the elevator with him.)","Director of Surveillance: (to radio) He's got a hostage.","(The elevator doors shut quickly.)","Director of Surveillance: (to radio) Give me the whole tower. Three across the board.","(The camera monitors quickly shift to the camera inside the elevators and stop on ELEVATOR 2 on the shooter with the hostage.)","(One of the surveillance men grabs the phone and dials.)","Director of Surveillance: (to radio) Get the police. We need SWAT. Now!","WHITE FLASH TO:","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - MAIN CASINO FLOOR - NIGHT]","(Police officers file through the casino floor.)","(The officer in charge briefs Brass.)","Officer: We got the suspect holed up on three. Floors above and below evacuated.","Brass: Where's the negotiator?","Officer: En route. At least an hour away.","Brass: (sighs) Well, I'm here now.","(They enter the elevators.)","(The elevator doors close.)","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - THIRD FLOOR - NIGHT]","Voice: (o.s.) All right, let's clear the floor.","(Officers escort a man and a woman off the floor.)","(Brass waits on the side as the officers clear the rooms nearby.)","Officer: Clear.","Officer 2: (o.s.) Clear.","Officer: Clear.","Officer 2: (o.s.) Clear.","(The officer knocks on the room door.)","Officer: Las Vegas Police. Open the door.","(Brass steps forward.)","(The officer slides the room key through the lock and he opens the door.)","(A gunshot fires at the door.)","(Everyone pulls their guns out and pauses.)","Brass: (dryly) Well, I guess this is the place.","WHITE FLASH TO:","[EXT. CUTLER RESIDENCE - FRONT - NIGHT]","LEGEND:","15 HOURS EARLIER","(Lower middle class neighborhood on a quiet street. Officer cars are parked along the street, their lights flashing.)","Brass: (V.O.) Just another domestic violence case. I wish I had a nickel --","[INT. CUTLER RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - LATER]","(Dr. Robbins, in booties, stands over Janice Cutler, dead on the living room floor in a short robe with a nightgown underneath. Her head rests in a large pool of blood-soaked carpet. Brass, Grissom and Warrick enter the room.)","Brass: Janice Cutler. Shot in the mouth.","(David Phillips pulls her jaw down.)","Brass: Single boy's the only smart one.","(Warrick snaps photos of the scene.)","Robbins: Judy and I deal with our marital problems a little differently -- counseling, separate vacations once a year.","(Warrick snaps a photo of the bullet casing on the carpet.)","Robbins: She's never pulled a gun on me yet.","(Warrick picks up the casing and looks at it.)","Warrick: I got a shell casing. Nine millimeter.","David Phillips: That accounts for the high-velocity spatter.","(Grissom notes the blood-spattered wedding photo on the counter.)","Grissom: Where's the husband?","Brass: Well, there was no car in the garage. We can broadcast out for him.","(Grissom looks around the room.)","Grissom: There's no other signs of disturbance in here. What about the rest of the house?","Brass: Nothing obvious.","Grissom: How many domestics have you seen where someone got shot in the face and nothing else was disturbed?","Warrick: What are you thinking?","Grissom: That you married people take things too personally.","(Warrick raises his camera and snaps a photo of Janice Cutler.)","SMASH CUT TO: END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT]","(Robbins and Grissom stand around Janice Cutler's body on the autopsy table.)","Robbins: She's only been dead a few hours. Signs of s*x prior to death. No vaginal trauma to suggest it wasn't amicable.","Grissom: Assuming the husband had s*x with her and then murdered her, he went from amorous to murderous in near record time.","Robbins: Well, maybe you were right. It wasn't the husband. But no semen, so I'd only be speculating.","Grissom: What about the bullet?","Robbins: Single gunshot wound. Based on powder burns and stipling, ...","(He opens her jaw.)","Robbins: ... muzzle was placed inside the mouth ...","(Camera zooms into the mouth and pauses on the tongue. Then angles upward to the roof of the mouth. A gunshot is fired, then flash to a view of the woman's head just behind her ear.)","Robbins: Bullet then fragmented in her head.","Grissom: Explains why Warrick couldn't find it at the scene.","Robbins: Yeah, shooter wanted to make sure he didn't miss.","Grissom: This was somebody who was emotionally close to her.","Robbins: Gil ... have you ever even been close to getting married?","Grissom: Once. When I was younger. Her name was Nicole Daley. I asked her to marry me. We were classmates. She liked bugs, too. I gave her my grandmother's ring, but my mother made me get it back.","(Robbins nods.)","Grissom: Second grade.","Robbins: Hmm.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CUTLER RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY]","(Sara is looking at the blood-spattered wedding photo on the counter.)","Sara: (to Warrick) Was it the happiest day of your life?","Warrick: Me and Tina? Happened so fast. Time will tell. Why don't you take a look at this phone here and tell me what you think.","(Warrick shows Sara the phone with blood on the #1.)","Sara: Blood on the keypad, away from the spatter.","Warrick: A neighbor called it in. If someone was in the house, they'd have dialed 9-1-1.","Sara: Dispatch never got a call. Maybe the husband started to dial ... changed his mind and took off.","Warrick: Maybe. I just wish it was a print and not a smudge.","(Sara looks around.)","Sara: Okay. Bedroom.","Warrick: All right.","(Sara starts backing away and heading toward the bedroom. Warrick raises the camera and snaps a photo of the phone keypad.)","WHITE FLASH TO:","[INT. CUTLER RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(Sara enters the bedroom and looks around.)","(She looks at the windows.)","(She snaps photos of the bedsheets. She peels away the covers and snaps more photos.)","(She steps into the closet and looks around. She kneels down on the floor and notices the grass clippings on the floor.)","(She picks up the nearest pair of shoes and looks at them. They're both clean and clear of any signs of grass or dirt.)","(From her position on the floor, Sara notices a sock sticking out from under the bed.)","(She picks it up and bags the sock.)","(Warrick enters the bedroom.)","Warrick: Hey. I found these in his jacket.","(He shows her some brochures for THE GIRLS.)","Warrick: Looks like the husband was planning a little vacation. A little recreation on the side.","Sara: (re: sock) I found this under the bed. And grass -- not the kind you smoke -- on the floor and in the closet, but all the shoes in the closet were clean.","Warrick: So someone was walking around here with grass on their shoes?","(Sara nods.)","Warrick: Maybe it was the missing husband, or a desperate gardener.","Sara: Who was mowing more than the lawn?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY]","(Brass and Sara walk through the hallway on their way to the interview room.)","Brass: Good call on the grass stains. Police officers brought in your guy. He was mowing a lawn down the street.","Sara: Well, he must be a great gardener, because Mrs. Cutler was paying him way too much.","Brass: Well ... (chuckles) Wait till you see him.","(Brass opens the door and they enter the interview room.)","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS]","(Timothy Johnson sits at the table.)","Brass: Mr. Johnson? It's Timmy, right? (Timmy nods.) This is Sara Sidle from the Crime Lab.","(Brass and Sara both sit down at the table opposite Timmy.)","Timothy Johnson: (worried) I didn't kill Mrs. Cutler, if that's what you're thinking.","Sara: How well do you know her?","Timothy Johnson: We live across the street from the Cutlers.","Brass: We?","Timothy Johnson: My family. Mother, father, and brothers.","Brass: So you still live at home?","Timothy Johnson: Until I graduate next month.","Sara: So mowing lawns is just your sideline?","Timothy Johnson: I don't play sports. Helps with the tuition.","Brass: Did Mr. or Mrs. Cutler ever invite you in their house?","Timothy Johnson: On a cold day, yeah. Sometimes she'd make me coffee.","Sara: But she writes you a check every month, like yesterday.","Timothy Johnson: Yeah.","Sara: Did she hand you the check in her closet?","(She shows him the photo of the grass-stained sock he left behind.)","Sara: Or in her bedroom? You forgot your sock.","Timothy Johnson: Okay. Yeah, I was there. I was hitting the wife.","Brass: You had s*x with her?","Timothy Johnson: Yeah. But it wasn't my idea, all right? She was ... she was really unhappy in her marriage. Me and Mrs. Cutler were in the middle of it when ... when Mr. Cutler came home early.","FLASHBACK TO:","[INT. CUTLER HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY (FLASHBACK)]","(Janice Cutler and Timothy Johnson are in bed when they hear the front door open. She gets out of bed.)","Janice Cutler: He was supposed to be at work all night. Hide!","(Janice Cutler ties her robe and exits the bedroom. Timothy jumps out of bed and quickly fumbles for his clothes.)","Timothy Johnson: (V.O.) I guess that's when I lost my sock.","(He looks around, then quickly hides in the closet, shutting the door behind him.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INSIDE THE CLOSET - MOMENTS LATER]","(Timothy is dressed as Willie Cutler opens the door. He grabs Timothy and slams him back against the wall.)","Willie Cutler: How was she, you little son of a bitch? Now get out of here.","(He pushes him out.)","(End of flashback. Back to scene.)","Timothy Johnson: Mr. Cutler was ... was so pissed, I ... I barely even recognized him.","Brass: You hear a gunshot?","Timothy Johnson: No.","Brass: So Mrs. Cutler was still alive when you left the house?","Timothy Johnson: I don't know. I think so. I didn't see anything else.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- DAY]","(Warrick sprays the hooker flyer and hangs it inside the super glue fuming tank. He ignites the super glue and closes the lid.)","SHORT TIME CUT TO:","(A large print appears on the photo for \"SALLY\". He flips the flyer over and finds four prints on the back.)","(Nick walks in.)","Nick: So, I hear your marriage is on the rocks, and you're shopping for hookers?","(Warrick laughs.)","Warrick: No, but I think I found one that Mr. Cutler likes. (He points to SALLY.) Thumb print on the front. Four fingerprints on the back.","Nick: \"Sally. Sweet apple pie.\" Hmm. Do you really think it's a good idea to sleep with a girl who advertises in a flyer?","Warrick: Well, I don't really think there's any sleeping involved.","Nick: Hmm.","Warrick: Don't be shy, though. Give her a call.","(Nick looks at Warrick. Really? Warrick smiles. Nick's game.)","Nick: All right, for your enjoyment.","(Nick picks up the speaker phone and dials the number, (702) 555-0190. A ring or two later, someone answers.)","Sally: (from phone) This is Sally. Who's this?","Nick: (to phone) Hi. This is, uh ... Dirk ... Diggler. I'm looking for a date.","Sally: (from phone) What kind of date?","Nick: (to phone) I'm taking a trip around the world. Want to go?","Sally: (from phone) Yeah, I'll come with you. You sure you can afford the airfare, darlin'?","Nick: (to phone) Is two g's enough?","Sally: (from phone) Where you at?","Nick: (to phone) 3057 Westfall. It's right off of Charleston.","(Warrick points. Here? Nick motions him to be quiet.)","Nick: (to phone) It's a single level building, all the way in the back.","Sally: (from phone) What do you look like?","Nick: (to phone) Um ... I have a little Tom Cruise thing going.","Sally: (from phone) All right, half an hour, and I'll be there.","Nick: (to phone) All right.","(Nick hangs up. Warrick groans.)","Warrick: Yeah, right.","Nick: (pleasantly amused) Ah, sweet apple pie! The Cruiser.","(Nick leaves the lab.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS SKYLINE - DAY (STOCK)]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY]","(Nick and an officer escort SALLY down the hall to an interview room.)","Sally: Calling me to a crime lab is cute. It's still entrapment.","(He laughs.)","Nick: Well, you're not here about prostitution, sweetie.","Sally: Really?","Nick: No. I need your help with a homicide.","(He opens the door and they enter.)","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - CONTINUOUS]","Nick: Why don't you go ahead and have a seat? Thanks.","(Sally sits down. Nick sits down across her. Nick opens the folder and shows her a photo of Willie Cutler.)","Nick: This man's wife was murdered last night. His name's Willie Cutler. Was he ever a client?","Sally: We dated.","Nick: Yeah.","WHITE FLASH TO:","[INT. HOTEL ROOM - FLASHBACK]","(Sally sits on Willie Cutler.)","Sally: (V.O.) He was trying to play the, you know, \"I'm a big baller\" role.","Sally: Do you got a present for me, baby?","(Willie takes out a wad of cash from his pants pocket and hands it to her.)","Sally: (V.O.) He must have won some big jackpot or something -- I can tell when money's new. He pulled this big wad out of his Wal-Mart pants.","(She puts the cash with her bag.)","Sally: (V.O.) But he seemed harmless.","(They start kissing.)","(End of flashback. Back to scene.)","Sally: Kind of sweet, actually. He offered me a deal on a vacation.","Nick: Deal? What, like a travel agent?","Sally: I don't know. I guess. He offered me this.","(Sally takes a brochure out of her purse and shows it to Nick.)","Sally: I've never been to Hawaii.","Nick: No ... no, me either.","(Nick takes a handkerchief out and takes the brochure from her. He flips it over and reads the business card stapled on the back:","COWBOY DAN'S","WILLIAM CUTLER - TOUR REPRESENTATIVE )","Sally: I'd let you take me to Hawaii.","(Surprised, he looks at her. She smiles back at him.)","Nick: Yeah, I'm working.","Sally: So am I.","(He chuckles.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. NEON CITY EXCURSIONS (COWBOY DAN'S) - DAY]","(Catherine and Detective Vartann exit the car and head to the tour office. A large orange banner hangs from the building roof.)","Catherine: \"Tour historic Las Vegas.\"","Vartann: History in Vegas gets imploded.","Catherine: It's probably just a drive past the Flamingo where Bugsy Siegel took his leak.","(They stop in front of the front door, a closed sign displayed.)","Catherine: \"Closed\"? Now wait a minute. It should be open.","(Vartann tries the door and it opens.)","Vartann: Well, it looks like it is.","(Catherine and Vartann enter.)","Catherine: Oh.","[INT. NEON CITY EXCURSIONS (COWBOY DAN'S) - DAY - CONTINUOUS]","(There's no one there.)","Catherine: Hello?","(The door closes behind them.)","Catherine: Anybody here?","(There's no answer.)","Vartann: Las Vegas Police.","(Vartann steps forward a little and looks into the side office. He sees a body on the floor.)","Catherine: Hello?","Vartann: Catherine.","(He takes his gun out and checks the office. He steps into the office to check on the person on the floor. Catherine uses her phone and calls it in.)","Catherine: (to phone) Control, this is CSI Willows.","(Vartann looks at her and shakes his head.)","Catherine: (to phone) We have a four-nineteen at 4172 Hamilton.","(Catherine takes her gun out.)","Catherine: (to phone) A business: Neon City Excursions. Suspect may still be on the premises.","(She hangs up as they head further into the office.)","[INT. NEON CITY EXCURSIONS (COWBOY DAN'S) - HALLWAY -- DAY - CONTINUOUS]","(Vartann and Catherine walk through the hallway.)","(In the lobby, they find another body on the floor.)","(They continue further. Vartann checks for a pulse. In one of the offices, they hear a thudding sound.)","(They check it out and find Willie Cutler hiding under the desk and bleeding from a wound in his side.)","Willie Cutler: Please! Please don't! Don't kill me. Don't kill me. Don't kill me. Please, don't kill me.","Catherine: It's all right, sir. We're not going to hurt you; we're the police.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOSPITAL -- DAY]","(The nurse helps Willie remove his shirt. He groans. Sara waits on the side with a baggie. Vartann waits with her.)","(Willie groans. The nurse removes his shirt.)","Sara: Thanks. I'll take that.","(Sara puts the shirt in the bag. Dr. Franks enters the room.)","Dr. Franks: All right, bullet wound. Let's see what the paramedics left me.","(He rips the gauze bandage off the wound. Willie Cutler groans. Dr. Franks looks at the wound.)","Dr. Franks: Irregular laceration, subcutaneous tissue only. A few millimeters deeper, it would have nicked the intercostal artery.","Willie Cutler: That sounds bad.","Dr. Franks: Yeah. Would've been a real mess. You're a lucky man. Flush out the wound, dress it with 4 x 4 gauze, start an IV, hang cefazolin and get some blood work done. Oh, and get him a tetanus shot.","(And with that, Dr. Franks leaves the room. Sara steps forward with the camera.)","Sara: Ah, the warm fuzzy feeling of modern medicine.","Willie Cutler: Can I get something to wear?","Sara: Uh, yes, in a few minutes. I need to document your wound. Do you think you could lift your arms for me like this?","(He lifts his arms.)","Sara: Thank you. That's perfect.","(Sara snaps a photo of the wound.)","Vartann: Why don't you tell us what happened.","Willie Cutler: Um. Not much to tell, really. Uh ... Cowboy Dan had the office working round the clock for the last week. We were putting together a campaign for a new tour. I just got back from breakfast.","(Quick flashback to: [INT. NEON CITY EXCURSIONS (COWBOY DAN'S) - HALLWAY -- DAY] Willie Cutler is working in his office when the first gunshot fires.)","Willie Cutler: (V.O.) I heard a shot, shouting.","(He stands up. There's multiple gunshots coming from the next room. People groan.)","(Suddenly, he staggers backward, shot on the side. He looks around and ducks under the desk.)","Willie Cutler: (V.O.) I guess the guy didn't even know I was there.","(The door opens and a hooded man with a gun appears in the doorway. He looks around, then leaves when he doesn't see anyone.)","(Willie Cutler hides under the desk. The door closes.)","(End of flashback. Back to scene.)","Willie Cutler: I was so scared, I couldn't move. So I just played dead.","(Sara hands him a blanket. He covers himself.)","Willie Cutler: Ow. I don't even know how long I was there. And then you guys came in and found me.","Sara: Do you think that you could indicate on this diagram where you were standing when you were shot?","(She shows him an office layout. He points to the office area between the desk and the door.)","Willie Cutler: Um ... I guess I was standing somewhere around here.","(Sara marks it with an 'X'.)","Sara: Thank you.","Willie Cutler: Look, I need to call my wife. I should have been home by now, and she's probably worried.","Vartann: Um .... Mr. Cutler, when was the last time you were home?","Willie Cutler: Um ... I guess it was, uh ... probably yesterday morning. Why?","Sara: Mr. Cutler. I am very sorry, but ... your wife is dead. She was found shot last night in your home.","(He starts to cry.)","Willie Cutler: Wh...?","(Vartann and Sara exchange looks.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. NEON CITY EXCURSIONS (COWBOY DAN'S) - DAY]","(Catherine snaps photos of the crime scene at Cowboy Dan's. David Phillips kneels down next to the body.)","David Phillips: Single GSW to the forehead.","(Catherine snaps more photos of the body.)","David Phillips: Stipling makes it close range. At least he died with his boots on.","(Quick flashback to: The gunman points the gun at Cowboy Dan and fires.)","Catherine: (V.O.) Cowboy Dan gets it first.","(The employee runs down the hallway. The shooter follows and fires.)","Catherine: (V.O.) The shooter finds his next target.","(The image of the employee, Roger Banks, stumbles and falls face down on the carpet in front of Greg, who is in the room. The gunman fires four more times. Roger Banks fades.)","Catherine: (V.O.) ... shoots him in the back.","(End of flashback.)","(Catherine walks into the room and notices the CONGRATULATIONS BANNERS and signs on the wall.)","(Greg looks at Catherine. Roger Banks' desk is filled with cards.)","Greg: That's the vic's desk. He was getting a promotion.","(Catherine slings the camera over her shoulder and sighs.)","Catherine: Well, at least his day started out on a good note.","Greg: Looks like the gun's been wiped clean. (Catherine nods.) Doubt we'll get any prints.","Catherine: So what do you got, five nine-mil shell casings?","Greg: Two went back with the body, three ... still in the walls.","(He points to the office next door.)","Catherine: So they're all accounted for.","(Greg nods.)","(Catherine walks over to the closed door with the pink rod sticking out of the bullet hole.)","Catherine: So Willie Cutler must have been standing along this line when he was grazed by the bullet.","Greg: Looks about right.","Catherine: It's consistent with his statement.","(Catherine opens the office door and looks inside as Greg snaps photos of Roger Banks' desk. He snaps a photo of the phone.)","Catherine: And if the shooter never saw him, he got under the desk really quickly.","Greg: I sure would have.","(Catherine chuckles.)","Catherine: So what do you think, Greg? Is Willie Cutler the luckiest guy in the world or the unluckiest?","Greg: I wouldn't want his luck either way.","(Greg leans forward and snaps a photo of the blood-smeared #1 button on the phone.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]","(Brass interviews Willie Cutler.)","Brass: Geez, you lose your wife, your boss, your co-worker, all in 24 hours; that's rough. My heart goes out to you, pal. Really. Looks like someone's out to get you.","Willie Cutler: What do you mean?","Brass: Well, the way I see it, somebody's out to kill you and a lot of innocent people are getting in the way.","Willie Cutler: Yeah. That's got to be it.","Brass: Yeah. Who'd want to kill you?","Willie Cutler: I don't know. Maybe it's just some nutcase. A guy sees me on the street, and I remind him of somebody he hates.","Brass: Yeah, that's ... that's a pretty good theory. Want to hear another one?","Willie Cutler: Sure.","Brass: Well, this one starts with your wife banging the lawn boy.","Willie Cutler: Hmm? Timmy?","Brass: Timmy. What, you didn't know?","Willie Cutler: No.","Brass: Really? 'Cause according to Timmy, you found him in the bedroom and you dragged him out of the closet.","Willie Cutler: Well, he's lying. 'Cause I wasn't home.","Brass: Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. You were on the love boat with Sally the Hooker.","Willie Cutler: Look, my wife and I had some problems. You know, all married couples do.","Brass: Hey.","Willie Cutler: I was getting a promotion at work. At least I thought I was. So I threw myself a little celebration.","Brass: I guess that makes you a premature celebrator. Tell me about that work-promotion thing. Why were you passed up?","Willie Cutler: Cowboy Dan just couldn't bring himself to promote a felon.","Brass: Yeah, no, I've-I've read your record. I mean, it's minor league. I mean, like, joyriding at 19.","Willie Cutler: Stupid kid stuff. You know, it follows you around the rest of your life.","Brass: Oh, believe me, I know. Look, here's what we got here. Cowboy Dan is dead. The guy who got your promotion is dead. It seems to me, that the one with the most motive to kill in this sad tale... is you.","Willie Cutler: I got shot, too.","Brass: Well ... you know ... kinda. Look.","(Brass puts a report on the table. It reads:","-- OF TRANSACTION: 05\/10\/06","--REFERENCE NUMBER: FM053280","CUSTOMER NAME: CUTLER, WILLIAM","ACCOUNT NUMBER: 6045052068A","TRANSACTION AMOUNT: $50,000.00","AMOUNT SHOWN ABOVE WAS WIRED FROM:","FIRST MONUMENT HOME EQUITY ACCOUNT","AMOUNT SHOWN ABOVE WAS WIRED TO:","THE LUCKY DRAGON, LAS VEGAS )","Brass: Last night you wired 50-k from your home equity account to a marker at The Lucky Dragon.","Willie Cutler: So?","Brass: So, I mean, it wasn't for Chinese food. So maybe you hired a professional killer to hit your wife, your boss, your co-worker.","Willie Cutler: That's not true!","Brass: Told them to take a little, you know, love bite out of you to, you know, make you look nice and innocent, you know?","Willie Cutler: I didn't kill my wife! I lost this money at the tables. You know ... this has been the worst day of my life, and I still haven't had a chance to see my wife's body -- I want to leave.","Brass: But we're not done here, Willie.","Willie Cutler: We're done! You can't prove that I killed anybody because I didn't kill anybody. And if you're not going to charge me, I'm going to leave.","(Willie stands up.)","Willie Cutler: I want to see my wife's body now!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- HALLWAY - DAY]","(Brass and Grissom walk through the hallway.)","Brass: Well, I pushed the guy as hard as I could, but there's a lot of media heat on this one. I had to cut him loose.","Grissom: Well, he's got a bullet wound and a dead wife. For now, the evidence says he's a victim.","Brass: Well, that's what I told the unit who's shadowing him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- DAY]","(Greg is looking through the photos and evidence. He holds a photo in his left hand and picks up a shell casing evidence bag in the other. The label reads:","9 MM CASING SPEER","NEON CITY EXCURSION","GG","LVPD 060511-1439 GG","(He looks at the photo label in his other hand:","VICTIM: CUTLER, JANICE","FILE DATE: 05-11-06","ROUTING CODE: 39353-08-1911","CASE LVPD 06 05 11 - 1439 GG","LVPD ROUTING 742-125","(The photo is the same kind of bullet casing: SPEER.)","(He puts the evidence bag down and picks up another photo of the phone with the blood smear on button #1.)","(He opens the file folder and takes out a photo of another phone with another blood smear on button #1.)","(He thinks about it.)","(Quick flash to: [CUTLER RESIDENCE] Janice Cutler is dead. The killer dials: 111-1111.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The killer dials another phone: 111-1111.)","Woman: (over phone) Sunstar Cabs.","(Camera moves and we see a dead body from Neon City Excursions.)","WHITE FLASH TO:","[INT. SUNSTAR CABS DISPATCH GARAGE - DAY]","(Camera pans across the yellow ad sign and phone number: 702-111-1111.)","(The taxi manager talks with Greg and Detective Vartann.)","Taxi Manager: Yeah, we had several pickups from that office park this morning, but, uh, look, those drivers are all off right now, and they take one look at my caller ID, they ain't pickin' up.","Vartann: All right, well, what about drop-offs?","Taxi Manager: Oh, definitely got something for you there. Hey, Nicco.","Nicco: Yeah?","Taxi Manager: You'll love this. Nicco, tell these guys about that guy, huh?","Nicco: The drive-around-all-night guy?","Taxi Manager: Yeah, yeah, yeah.","Nicco: Pick him up near Viking and Pecos around 2:45 A.M.","Greg: (to Vartann) That's right around the time Janice Cutler was killed.","(Vartann nods.)","Greg: It's right near her house. Is this your cab?","Nicco: Yeah.","Greg: Mind if I take a look?","Nicco: Okay.","(Greg heads over to the cab.)","Vartann: So?","Nicco: He didn't know where he wanted to go, but he said I should drive anyway, so I drive.","(Greg hooks up his laptop to the cab's driver cam.)","Nicco: He sees a store, he says 'stop.' Buys a beer. Then he says, 'drive, stop, cigarettes, and drive some more.' I'm all around town. Five, six hours.","Vartann: Did you get his name?","Nicco: Uh ... I think it was Sammy. Yeah. Yeah, that's what he said. He asked me to wait for him by this office place, but by then it was at the end of my shift.","(On Greg's laptop, a series of time-coded still photos is being downloaded.)","Nicco: I told him, I got to get home to my wife. And he asked me, do I love my wife, and I told him, hey (he chuckles) She loves me. And he said, I was a lucky man, which I am. And he left. He gave me a big tip.","(Greg carries the laptop.)","Greg: You need to check this out.","(He shows the video cam picture of SAMMY to Nicco.)","Greg: Is that the guy who called himself Sammy?","Vartann: Looks a lot like Willie.","Nicco: (chuckles) Yeah. Yeah, that's the guy.","Greg: Yeah.","(He zooms in on the gun in the passenger's waistband.)","Greg: That's the gun.","SMASH TO BLACK.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BULLPEN -- NIGHT]","(Vartann is on the computer at his desk.)","(The information for WILLIE CUTLER appears:","DOB: 03-26-67","AGE: 39 HEIGHT: 6'2\"","WEIGHT: 153 LBS EYES: BROWN","RACE: CAUCASIAN s*x: MALE","HAIR: BROWN","Siblings: SAMMY CUTLER - BROTHER","CRIMINAL HISTORY:","STATUTE: NRS 200.0525","ARREST: GRAND THEFT AUTO","CONVICTIONS:","DISPOSITIONS: PROBATION 1 YEAR","CASE # LVPD#95 03 04 - 1007 ML )","(He runs a search on SAMUEL CUTLER:","DOB: 07-01-63","AGE: 42 HEIGHT: 5'9\"","WEIGHT: 165 LBS EYES: BLUE","RACE: CAUCASIAN s*x: MALE","HAIR: BROWN","Siblings: WILLIE CUTLER - BROTHER","CRIMINAL HISTORY","STATUTE: NRS 205.067","ARREST: BURGLARY","CONVICTIONS: SERVED AND RELEASED","DISPOSITIONS: SENTENCED 1 YEAR","STATUTE: NRS 205.0528","ARREST: GRAND THEFT AUTO","CONVICTIONS: RELEASED DECEMBER","DISPOSITIONS: SENTENCED 10 YEARS","CASE #: LVPD# 95 03 04 - 1008 ML )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]","(Brass shares his findings with Grissom.)","Brass: So, Willie Cutler had an older brother, Sammy. Sammy did time in Chino for grand theft auto.","Grissom: Willie had a vehicle-related felony on his record, too.","Brass: Yeah, the same incident. See, Willie was a first-time offender, so he pled out. But Sammy had a record, so the judge gave him a hard time. So he got in trouble on the inside. He did an extended sentence. He got out six months ago. I got a fax from the cab company I want to show you.","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE -- CONTINUOUS]","(They enter his office. Brass shows the fax to Grissom.)","Brass: Check it out.","(He hands the Radio Dispatch Record to Grissom.)","Brass: They get called out to that office park where the shooting took place. Driver said the fare was a no-show.","Grissom: \"Requested destination -- Lucky Dragon casino.\"","Brass: Hmm. I sent a unit out to look for Sammy.","Grissom: You know, this could be a revenge story. Willie gets a life, Sammy goes to prison. Sammy gets out, tries to get even.","Brass: Well, if Sammy was trying to get even, why did Willie keep quiet about it?","Grissom: He's his brother's keeper. (off Brass' look) It's in the Bible.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LUCKY DRAGON (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. LUCKY DRAGON - CASINO FLOOR -- NIGHT]","(Warrick hands out Samuel Cutler's mug photo to the security staff.)","Warrick: This is the man that we're looking for. Please keep your eyes peeled. He may have been here last night. I want you to cover every square inch of this place. Let's spread out; let's move it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - CASINO SURVEILLANCE ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(Warrick walks into the casino surveillance room. He starts handing out Samuel Cutler's mug photo.)","Warrick: So, this is Sammy Cutler. This is his mug shot. It's a few years old, and this is what he looks like now.","(He shows them the photo taken from the taxi camera.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- NIGHT]","(Sara is working, the various photos spread out on the table in front of her. Robbins walks in.)","Robbins: Hey, Sara, you're working the office shooting, right?","Sara: Yeah, and the dead wife.","(He brings the file folder to her.)","Robbins: Autopsy reports on the two DB's. Grissom wanted them ASAP, and I was in the neighborhood.","(He drops the file folder on the table.)","Sara: Thanks. I'll pass them along.","(She picks up the file folder and looks through it as Robbins takes a moment to look at the photos on the table.)","Robbins: Somebody at the office get knifed?","Sara: No.","Robbins: Kind of looks like a knife wound.","Sara: Victim survived the shooting. He said he was grazed by a stray bullet.","Robbins: Really? (He puts his glasses on.) This is an irregular laceration with no defining features. A grazing GSW is usually accompanied by some marginal abrasion. There's none here.","Sara: Any idea what might have caused a wound like this?","Robbins: Yeah, lots of things. Something sharp.","(He looks at the photos closely.)","Robbins: Hmm. What's this blue discoloration?","Sara: Kind of looks like ink. Doesn't it?","Robbins: Mm-hmm.","(Sara picks up a bagged pen.)","Sara: Catherine found this under Willie Cutler's desk. Thought the blood was incidental.","[CU: SHIRT]","(Sara swabs the edge of Willie Cutler's bloodied shirt.)","(Camera pulls out and we see Grissom watching. She tests the swab.)","Sara: Sodium rhodizonate is negative. No lead in the tear. No bullet.","Grissom: So, Willie tried to make it look like he was shot.","(Quick flash to: Willie Cutler gouges his side himself with his own pen.)","Grissom: (V.O.) Grabs a ball point pin, drags it across his ribs.","(End of flash. Back to scene.)","(Grissom looks down and notices the blood on the shirt sleeve.)","Sara: Did I miss something?","Grissom: Don't know. We'll find out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - CASINO SURVEILLANCE ROOM - NIGHT]","(Warrick stands behind the security staff as they watch the security surveillance monitors.)","Director of Surveillance: We've been running a major poker tournament here all week. You know what the loser gets? Baseball caps. There's about four hundred of them down there right now.","Warrick: Keep looking.","(On the monitor, Warrick sees his wife, Tina, walking through the casino floor with a man.)","(He steps aside and takes his phone out to call her.)","Tina: (from phone) Hey, baby.","Warrick: (to phone) What's up?","Tina: Nothin' much.","Warrick: Where you at?","Tina: I'm at the Venetian. Canyon Ranch, getting a ... manicure.","INTERCUT WITH:","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - CASINO - NIGHT]","Tina: Hope you're in for a good back scratching session tonight.","Warrick: Who you talking about?","Tina: What?","Warrick: Me or the guy standing next to you? Look up. You see that little dome above your head? Give it a wave. That's me in the surveillance room, watching you lie to me.","Tina: Warrick ...","Warrick: Man, and I didn't even have to call that show 'Cheaters.'","Tina: You think you know what you're talking about?","Warrick: Don't even bother coming home tonight. I'll just text you the storage space your stuff'll be in.","Tina: You want to know what's up, huh? What's really up?","Warrick: I can see what's up.","Tina: You can't see a damn thing. He's a VIP host helping me plan your birthday party. I hope you enjoy spending it alone.","(She hangs up, then glares up at the surveillance camera.)","(On the monitor, Warrick watches her turn and walk away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- NIGHT]","(Grissom cuts a piece of material off and places it on a slide. He cuts a piece of material off from Willie Cutler's shirt sleeve and places it on another slide.)","(Wendy walks in.)","Wendy Simms: Well, hey. What are you doing?","Grissom: Serology.","Wendy Simms: Serology? Now, I read about that in my history of forensic science classes. So, what exactly is it you're trying to do?","Grissom: Lattes crust method for determining blood type.","Wendy Simms: You know, for you, I clear the decks. I mean, I can just rush your samples through DNA.","Grissom: I need it faster than DNA. And I don't need a full profile anyway, just ABO type.","Wendy Simms: You mind if I stick around and watch?","Grissom: Don't you have something better to do?","Wendy Simms: Yeah, I do, but some guy's using my lab.","(Grissom puts drops of liquid on the materials.)","Wendy Simms: Okay, now as I recall, the reagents have to be fresh. Right? So, where did you get those?","Grissom: I keep some in my fridge for emergencies.","Wendy Simms: You got anything else in there? Bottle of tequila, perhaps? Severed head?","Grissom: I don't keep tequila.","(Grissom puts it in the machine and switches the machine on.)","(Camera zooms in on the blood drops on the slides in the machine.)","(Cut to: Grissom looks at the slides under the scope. He writes something down and puts the second slide under the scope.)","[SCOPE VIEW]","(Grissom sees something.)","(Quick flash of: A woman screams. A gun fires. Blood spatter hits Willie Cutler's sleeve. Janice Cutler falls to the floor, dead. Willie Cutler lowers the gun.)","(End of flash. Back to scene.)","(Grissom takes his cell phone out and calls Brass.)","Brass: (from phone) Brass.","Grissom: (to phone) Jim, you have to bring in Willie Cutler.","INTERCUT WITH:","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE - NIGHT]","(Brass is sitting behind his desk.)","Brass: Willie got loose. He slipped our surveillance. What's up?","Grissom: We found high velocity spatter consistent with the wife on his shirt. He was in the room when she was shot. He could have been holding the gun. Maybe they were working together.","Brass: That would explain what Sammy was doing at The Lucky Dragon. Willie lost a lot of money there. So either he did it, or he's covering for his brother.","Grissom: Yeah. Maybe he's got unfinished business there.","(Brass hangs up and gets up.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE LUCKY DRAGON (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - CASINO FLOOR - NIGHT]","(The casino is busy. Willie Cutler is in the room. He appears to be looking for someone. He suddenly turns and heads down into the casino.)","(He collides with a burley patron. They start arguing.)","Casino Patron: Ow! Man, what the hell is your problem?","Willie Cutler: Oh, you're a tough guy? You wanna go through me then if you ...","(Willie starts shoving the guy. The guy shoves back.)","Willie Cutler: Huh? You think you want some of this, huh?","(It's a full-on scuffle.)","(Officer Boatwright rushes over to break it up.)","Officer Boatwright: Hey, break it up, break it up!","(Willie grabs Officer Boatwright's gun and pulls away, giving him enough room for Officer Boatwright to get a look at him.)","Officer Boatwright: Hey, aren't you ... ?","(He points the gun and fires a couple of times, shooting Officer Boatwright in the stomach.)","(Patrons scream as chaos breaks out.)","(Officer Boatwright falls to the floor.)","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - CASINO SURVEILLANCE ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(In the surveillance room, the Director of Surveillance sees the shots on the monitors. He talks into a microphone, relaying directions to casino security.)","Director of Surveillance: (to radio) Shots fired. Main floor. BJ pit three ...","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - MAIN CASINO FLOOR - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(Willie takes off running.)","Willie Cutler: Get out of my way!","(He pushes and shoves his way as he runs across the casino floor.)","Willie Cutler: Get out of my way!","(Willie runs across the floor straight to the elevators. Just as the elevator doors open, he grabs the woman just stepping out and pulls her back into the elevator with him.)","Jackie: Hey! Hey! Get off of me! What are you doing? Help!","Willie Cutler: Shut up, or I'll kill you.","Jackie: Help! Help! Help! Help me!","(The security guards run to the elevators, but get there too late.)","(The elevator doors close.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - HALLWAY FLOOR - NIGHT]","(A phone rings.)","(Officers have their guns pointed at the hotel room door. Brass is on the phone listening to it ring.)","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT]","(The phone rings.)","(Willie Cutler sits on the bed staring at the ringing phone.)","(Jackie sits on the floor near him.)","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - HALLWAY FLOOR - NIGHT]","(Brass is still on the phone. He checks his radio.)","Brass: (to radio) This is a radio check. Do you read me?","(The phone continues to ring. He turns and looks at the officer holding the gun on the door.)","Brass: Copy that?","(The officer nods.)","Brass: The kill word is \"Jim.\"","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT]","(The phone rings. Willie Cutler glances at Jackie, scared and silent. Finally, he picks up the phone.)","Willie Cutler: Hello?","INTERCUT WITH:","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - HALLWAY FLOOR - NIGHT]","Brass: Hey, Willie. It's me, uh, Jim Brass. Remember me? Guess what? I'm right outside your door.","Willie Cutler: I will blow her head off. I'll blow both our heads straight off. You understand me?!","Brass: Look, I understand. I understand, Willie, I do. Look, I just ... I just want this to end peacefully. For everybody.","Willie Cutler: I'm not coming out.","Brass: Oh, I don't want you to come out, Willie. I want you to let me in. Look, I'm not armed.","(Brass stands in front of the door.)","Brass: Look through the peephole.","Willie Cutler: Why do you want to come in here?","Brass: Just to talk to you, Willie. I mean, you're a smart guy, I think maybe you and I, we can figure a way out of this. Come on, check me out. Okay, look, I'm going to put the phone down now, so you can see me, okay?","(Brass closes his phone. He holds his hands away from his body)","Brass: Look ... no gun.","(After a long moment, the door opens. Brass enters.)","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT]","(Brass enters the room and finds Willie Cutler, his arm around Jackie and holding the gun to her back.)","Brass: Hey, Willie. It's me. I'm alone, and I'm unarmed.","Willie Cutler: Close that door.","(Brass closes the door.)","Willie Cutler: Either I walk out here right now, or she dies.","Brass: Look ... nobody's going to die, Willie. Not you, not her, not me, not Sammy, not anyone.","(Willie pauses and considers Brass.)","Willie Cutler: You sure about that?","Brass: Oh, yeah, I'm sure about that.","Willie Cutler: Then I want to talk to my brother.","Brass: Okay, I can arrange that. We have him in custody downstairs.","(He points the gun at Brass.)","Willie Cutler: You're lying!","Brass: Hey, you got the gun. I'm not ... I wouldn't lie to you. But I need you to do something for me. I need you to let this woman go, and I'll dial up your brother downstairs.","Willie Cutler: Where is he?","Brass: He's in the holding room, which is in the basement of the casino.","Willie Cutler: He was just trying to help me.","Brass: Look, I'm just trying to help you too, Willie. So, point the gun at me, not at her, and let this nice young woman go, come on.","Willie Cutler: No way.","(He points the gun at Jackie.)","Brass: Point the gun at me, Willie.","(He points the gun down.)","Willie Cutler: You really have my brother?","Brass: Yeah, I'm gonna call ... hold on.","Willie Cutler: I want to talk to him.","Brass: Hold on.","(Brass takes out his phone and makes a call.)","INTERCUT WITH:","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - CASINO SURVEILLANCE ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]","(The phone rings; Warrick answers.)","Warrick: (to phone) Brown.","Brass: (to phone) This is Brass. Look, I need you to get Samuel Cutler on the phone. I'm here with his brother, Willie, and he'd like to talk to him. So, could you go down to the holding room and get Samuel Cutler on the line and call me back?","Warrick: Are you with Willie right now?","Brass: Yes, I'm with him, and he'd like to speak with his brother.","Warrick: We're still looking for him in surveillance. It could take some time.","Brass: How much time?","Willie Cutler: I don't see his face, she dies!","(Willie grabs Jackie and forces her down on the ground, the gun pointed at her head.)","Brass: (to phone) Okay, okay, okay. Look, look. I need you to get Samuel Cutler up here as soon as possible.","Warrick: Okay, Brass, we're doing the best we can. I want you to hang in there, take care of yourself. If he's in this casino, we're going to find him.","Brass: Thank you.","(Brass hangs up.)","Brass: He'll be here. Okay? Now, I just want you to point the gun at me.","(Willie raises the gun and points it at Brass.)","Brass: That's good. Not at her. That's it-- cause it's just you and me now, all right? I'm the hostage, all right?","(Willie pushes Jackie on the bed.)","Brass: What's your name?","Jackie: Jackie.","Brass: Jackie. It's going to be okay, Jackie. It's going to be okay, Willie. It's just you and me now. This is all going to be over soon.","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - HALLWAY FLOOR - NIGHT]","(Out in the hallway, SWAT takes up position.)","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT]","(Willie Cutler talks with Brass.)","Willie Cutler: Oh, yesterday I spent $5,000 on a hooker because I thought I was getting a $15,000 promotion. When I went to work, I got the news that I'd been \"passed over.\"","Brass: So now you're five large in the hole, hmm?","Willie Cutler: Well, way I saw it, I was fifteen in the hole. So I went to a cash machine and I wired myself 50-K. Every cent I own. For a second I was up, I was killing 'em. They were serving me cocktails, and calling me \"sir.\" And then the pit boss got involved and I hit a bad streak. So I called Sammy.","WHITE FLASH TO:","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - CASINO FLOOR - NIGHT -- FLASHBACK]","(Willie is at the blackjack table playing multiple hands. One after the other - all the hands - bust.)","Willie Cutler: Bust, bust, bust, bust, bust! Damn it!","(He slams his fists on the table.)","Willie Cutler: Dammit! Ah, God!","(The woman sitting next to him sighs impatiently, picks up her chips and leaves.)","Willie Cutler: What? What?","(Just then, Sammy Cutler in a ball cap and sunglasses, arrives.)","Sammy Cutler: Willie?","Willie Cutler: What?","Sammy Cutler: Let me get you out of here.","(Sammy pushes Willie out of the casino.)","WHITE FLASH TO: BACK TO SCENE:","Brass: What happened when you got home?","Willie Cutler: Things got worse ... WHITE FLASH TO:","[INT. CUTLER RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT -- FLASHBACK]","(Willie talks with Janice.)","Willie Cutler: I lost everything. Our entire savings. I'm sorry.","Janice Cutler: You stupid lowlife. That was my money, too! You are such a loser. Just like your degenerate brother.","(Sammy grabs Janice by the throat and points the gun at her.)","Sammy Cutler: Son of a bitch!","WHITE FLASH TO: BACK TO SCENE:","Willie Cutler: Sammy told me to stay put, and he said I should clean up the mess. He said he was going to take care of me.","Brass: Why didn't you call the cops?","Willie Cutler: I can't turn him in. And I knew I'd get blamed.","[INT. CSI - A\/V LAB -- NIGHT]","(Grissom and Catherine are reviewing security video. On the monitor, Willie Cutler is at the blackjack table.)","Grissom: Willie Cutler's marker was signed by a blackjack pit boss; this is last night's surveillance.","(On the monitor, Willie is getting angry and frustrated. The pit boss goes up to him. The chair next to Willie is empty.)","Catherine: So the pit boss gives Willie the heave-ho, with chips still on the table.","Grissom: Yeah, that's about a $10,000 marker. Casino owed him money; that's why Willie went back.","Catherine: And what about Sammy?","Grissom: (shrugs) I haven't seen him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT]","(Willie continues talking.)","Willie Cutler: I tried to find him myself. I figured I could get him to Mexico or something. I drove around for hours. Nothing. So I went back to my office, and that's when I saw Cowboy Dan and Roger. And I knew what Sammy meant when he said he was going to take care of me. He was going to give me a clean slate. He was going to kill everyone that wronged me.","Brass: But she hasn't wronged you. Jackie hasn't done anything to hurt you. So why would you want to hurt her? Let's cut her loose.","Willie Cutler: I don't want to hurt anybody.","Brass: That's right, Willie. You don't want to hurt anybody. You kill somebody, even by accident, you can never take it back. People never look at you the same again. And you know what? You can't look at yourself the same way again, either.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT]","(Grissom is behind his desk when there's a knock on his door. Sara rushes in.)","Sara: Griss? You got to see this. I found it on the Internet.","(She hands him the printout:","darienchronicle.com Feb 13, 2006 Copyright Darien Chronicle","AMERICAN TOURIST KILLED IN CAR CRASH IN TIJUANA, MEXICO","A traffic accident ended in a fatality Tuesday night. The incident occurred at 7:-- intersection of Perez Parkway and Bodega. The victim was traveling west on P-- to yield a red light. An oncoming vehicle was traveling eastbound and struck the approximately 50 mph.","The victim was identified as Samuel Cutler from ---","(Grissom looks at Sara.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE LUCKY DRAGON - HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT]","(Willie continues to talk.)","Willie Cutler: Me and Sammy?","(He sniffles.)","Willie Cutler: We used to be so tight.","Brass: Mm.","Willie Cutler: And that stupid car. He always felt so guilty about dragging me into that, but it wasn't his fault. He wasn't to blame.","Brass: Well ...","(Brass' phone rings. Willie gets to his feet quickly; the gun pointed at Brass.)","Brass: Just the phone. Just the phone.","(The phone rings; Brass stands up and shows the phone to Willie. He answers it.)","Brass: Take it easy. (to phone) Yeah.","INTERCUT WITH:","[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE]","Grissom: (to phone) Jim? Sammy Cutler's dead. He died in a car crash in Mexico two months ago. Willie had to know. He's been playing us.","Brass: I got it, yeah. Thanks. (Brass hangs up.) Hey, Willie. Sammy's not coming up. But I guess we both know that, right?","Willie Cutler: Yeah. It's a good thing I have the gun.","(Brass and Willie look at each other.)","Brass: Jim!","(Willie fires twice, hitting Brass in the chest. Brass falls to his knees just as the hotel room door bursts open. SWAT quickly steps into the room, their guns raised and firing at Willie.)","(Jackie screams. Willie falls to the floor, dead.)","(TOP VIEW DOWN: On Brass, gasping on the floor.)","Voice: (faded) Man down! Man down! Get the paramedics!","(Camera pushes in slowly on Brass. We hear the sounds of a heart beating.)","(Blood spurts from the side of Brass' mouth.)","(Camera holds on Brass.)"],"Show Title":"CSI Crime Scene Investigation","Episode Number":"06x23","Episode Title":"Bang Bang (1)","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_08x07.json","Recap":["The CSI's investigate when a college freshman plunges to her death and her death is revealed to be a murder. They discover the victim had a relationship with Marlon West, a teen who was acquitted on a murder charge with the help of his younger sister, a child prodigy named Hannah. Sara handles the case and she becomes convinced Hannah killed Marlon's girlfriend and is framing him for the murder as an attempt to put him in jail and keep control of him. The whole affair ends in tragedy, with Marlon hanging himself in his cell and Hannah crushed by the news, seemingly showing that she did indeed kill the freshman. Sara burns out at the end and leaves Las Vegas."],"Transcript":["[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- NIGHT]","XCU: THE TIP OF A KNIFE AS IT CUTS THROUGH A STITCH","(The same knife tip pulls the thread through the material. Another stitch is cut.)","REVEAL - SARA","Sara sits in the dark locker room as she works on removing the stitching.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. WLVU - COURTYARD - NIGHT]","(The campus courtyard is crowded with people headed toward the dorms. Loud music plays.)","PULL BACK INTO -","[INT. DORM ROOM - NIGHT]","(The party is in progress, music blares and the frat boys with plastic cups in their hands chant loudly.)","Frat Boys: (shouting) Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!","(The boys are in their dorm room cheering another boy standing on his head on a keg and drinking beer.)","Frat Boys: (shouting) Yeah! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!","(The chanting continues. The frat boy standing on his head has his sneakered feet up against the ceiling. He stomps his foot in time to the chanting.)","Frat Boys: (shouting) Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink ... !","(CAMERA MOVES UP THROUGH THE CEILING and up into the dorm room just above where three frat boys are standing up with their heads lifted toward the ceiling. They're listening to a woman moaning in ecstasy and the rhythmic creaking of old bedsprings.)","(CAMERA CONTINUES TO MOVE UP THROUGH THE CEILING and into the dorm room just above where the lights are dimmed and two bodies are under the bedsheet. The woman moans and giggles.)","(The man lies back on the bed. The woman rests on him.)","PUSH FORWARD through the open window where a girl FALLS fast","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. WLVU CAMPUS -- NIGHT]","(VARIOUS CAMERA FLASHES of the dead girl on the concrete in a pool of blood.)","(Police car lights flash, sirens blurb on and off. The place is now a crime scene, cordoned off with a large crowd of college students gathered around.)","(Catherine takes photos of the girl on the ground. David Phillips looks at her.)","David Phillips: Sorry, no ID.","Catherine: It's okay. Brass has a line on the resident director.","Monica: (o.s.) Lanie! Oh, my God, no!","(Catherine looks up and sees a woman on the outside of the tape crying. She struggles against the police officer who tries to keep her there.)","Monica: My God, Lanie, I can't believe it. You really did it.","Catherine: Hey! Let her on through.","(The officer lets Monica through. Monica ducks under the tape and runs toward the body.)","Lanie: Monica!","(A second woman runs under the tape.)","Monica: Lanie! Don't you ever die on me! Promise!","Lanie: I won't. I promise.","Officer: Okay, come on.","(The officer leads both Monica and Lanie back behind the tape.)","David Phillips: It's the third jumper on campus this year. Maybe it's contagious.","(Catherine takes a photo of something in the blood.)","Catherine: I saw this documentary once on suicides off the Golden Gate Bridge, and they interviewed a survivor and he said the moment that he let go of the railing, he realized that all of his problems were fixable, except for having jumped.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DORM ROOM - STAIRS TO ROOF]","(Nick tries the door and finds it locked.)","Nick: (to radio) Hey, Catherine.","INTERCUT WITH:","[EXT. WLVU CAMPUS -- NIGHT]","Catherine: (to radio) Uh, yeah, Nicky, what you got?","Nick: (to radio) Chains and padlocks. There's no roof access from the dorm.","Catherine: (to radio) Well, the body landed close to the building, so if she didn't come from the roof, she must have come out of a room.","Nick: (to radio) Okay, I'll work my way down.","(Nick starts to head down the stairs.)","Brass: (over radio) Nick, you in the dorm?","Nick: (to radio) That's affirmative.","INTERCUT WITH:","[EXT. WLVU CAMPUS -- NIGHT]","Brass: (to radio) I'm with the resident director. He's ID'd the victim as Kira Dellinger. She's in Room 807. She's a freshman from McLean, Virginia. I guess I'm going to go notify the parents.","Nick: (from radio) Perks of the job.","Brass: (grimly) Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DORM ROOM 807 - NIGHT]","(The door opens and Nick enters the room. He looks around and puts his kit down. It's a typical dorm room - photos on the bulletin board, posters on the wall. The bed is nearly made.)","(Nick tries the window and finds it open. He looks out the window and sees the body down below. He waves to Catherine. Catherine waves back.)","(Nick examines the window and finds some blood and fibers on a screw.)","Nick: (to radio) Hey, Catherine, do you see any wounds on the body inconsistent with the fall?","Catherine: Hang on.","David Phillips: Well, there's this.","(David shows Catherine the wound.)","Catherine: (to phone) Yeah, there's a long perimortem abrasion on the lower back.","Nick: (to radio) I think I know how it got there.","(Quick flashback to: Kira struggles with someone who pushes her backward out the window. She rips her dress against the screw sticking out of the window.)","Kira Dellinger: No!","(End of flashback.)","Nick: (to radio) Drag 'n' drop.","SMASH TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","[SARA WALKING]","MUSIC: \"Carousel\" by Iron & Wine","(Sara is listening to music as she walks. The background around her is black - isolated in her own world.)","FADE IN: BACKGROUND","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY \/ LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT]","(Sara opens the locker room door and promptly bumps into Warrick, who is on his way out. He drops a prescription pill bottle and her pager on the floor.)","Warrick: Oh, ooh!","Sara: Oh ...","Warrick: Ooh, where's the fire?","Sara: (sighs) Oh, sorry.","(She kneels and picks up the bottle and pager for him.)","Sara: \"Zopidem\"? That's good stuff.","Warrick: Yeah, it's to help me sleep. I've been having the hardest time lately.","Sara: Me, too.","Warrick: Well, just coming off of grave after all these years, you know, takes a while to adjust. (He rubs her shoulder.) You're a tough cookie. I'm not worried about you. Take care of yourself, huh?","Sara: Thanks.","Warrick: Yeah.","(He leaves. Sara turns around.)","Sara: Sweet dreams.","Warrick: (o.s.) Thank you.","(Sara looks down and sees some blood on the tips of her shoes.)","Sara: Oh ...","(She sits down on the locker bench. Ronnie appears in the doorway.)","Ronnie: Hey. Sara, you done with your scene?","Sara: Yeah.","Ronnie: Great, because we just caught another one: 425 off Craig Road.","(Sara nods. She doesn't look as thrilled as Ronnie does.)","Ronnie: Busy shift, but you know I like that. I'll see you outside, okay?","Sara: Okay.","(Ronnie leaves.)","(Sara removes her shoes and puts them in the trash bin.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - MORNING]","[EXT\/INT. JIMINEZ RESIDENCE - MORNING]","(Ronnie and Sara walk up the front porch toward the officer standing in front of the open door.)","Sara: What do you got?","Officer Akers: Neighbors called in a domestic disturbance between Adam and Kim Jimenez. I responded, knocked and didn't get any answer, so I looked through the window, and this is what I saw. Nobody's home, so I called you guys.","(From where they stand, the room is trashed and there's blood on the floor.)","(Sara looks at Ronnie, who nods.)","(Sara pushes the door open and steps inside the house. She takes her dark glasses off and starts following the blood on the floor.)","(The inside of the house is dark. They look around.)","Sara: Blood but no body. No sign of the couple.","Officer Akers: No. Nothing.","Sara: Lots of blood activity here.","(Sara puts her kit down. Ronnie looks around.)","Ronnie: Then someone ran out the door.","(A disheveled woman appears at the door. She walks inside. Officer Akers takes his gun out, surprising both Sara and Ronnie.)","Officer Akers: Stop right there. Hands where I can see 'em.","(The woman holds her hands up. She appears disoriented.)","Kim Jiminez: This is my house.","Sara: Mrs. Jimenez?","(The woman nods.)","Sara: Where have you been?","Kim Jiminez: My husband and I had an argument. I went on a walk.","Sara: Where's your husband now?","(Officer Akers continues to hold his gun on her.)","Kim Jiminez: I, uh ... I don't know.","(Ronnie finds blood on Kim Jiminez's pants.)","Ronnie: Mrs. Jimenez, are you okay?","Kim Jiminez: Bad back.","(Ronnie finds a knife sticking out of Kim Jimenez's back.)","Ronnie: Sara, she's got a very bad back. (to radio) Dispatch, this is CSI Lake. We need paramedics right away on location.","(Kim Jimenez turns around and Sara sees the knife. The sight affects Sara.)","Dispatch: (from radio) Copy, CSI. Will notify.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]","(Catherine snaps photos of Kira Dellinger's body on the table.)","(She finds something in Kira's hand, puts the camera down and picks up a magnifying glass to look at it. Robbins walks in.)","Robbins: Hey.","Catherine: Hey. What do you think this might be?","Robbins: Well, possibly a tooth fragment. High fall?","Catherine: Yeah. We think she was pushed. So, between her knuckles -- suggests a struggle?","(Catherine removes the fragment.)","(Quick flash to: [DORM ROOM] Kira struggles with someone. She punches him. The person grabs her hair and pulls her toward the window.)","Kira: No!","(End flash.)","Robbins: Was she raped?","Catherine: There's no trauma, but the wet mount indicates that she definitely had s*x.","Robbins: Oh, no condom. Good for us.","Catherine: Yeah. Such a scary thing, sending your kid off to college.","(Catherine takes more photos.)","Robbins: Is Lindsey looking already?","Catherine: Yeah. In fact, we looked at WLVU last month.","Robbins: Well, at least she'd be close to home.","Catherine: She's free on campus, might as well be a thousand miles away.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. WLVU - DORM ROOM -- DAY]","(Nick has the fingerprint cards on the windowsill. He scans them with a hand-held device, then goes to the computer. Greg walks in.)","Greg: Hey.","Nick: Hey. Any luck with dorm security?","Greg: Nope. There's no cameras, only key cards, but according to the residence director, the door's propped open all the time anyway.","Nick: Okay.","(Nick has the prints in the computer. Greg looks around the dorm room.)","Greg: Kind of hard to tell the difference between a struggle and a typical college dorm room.","Nick: Yeah. You should have seen mine. It was really bad.","(Greg feels around under the bed and sifts through the clothes on the floor. He finds a white tee.)","Greg: Hmm. \"X\" marks the girl. Symbol for a \"straight edge\" lifestyle. Abstinence from drugs, tobacco, alcohol ...","(He finds a tube of lubricant.)","Greg: ... but not s*x.","(He holds up the tube: PLEASURE MATE, Erotic Lubrication.)","Nick: Sexual lubricant. Give me that.","(Greg hands Nick the lubricant.)","Greg: So, pretty brave for college.","Nick: Yeah, or just another way to get attention.","(Nick dusts the tube.)","(Greg looks at the photos on the bulletin board.)","Greg: Looks like our vic was in a Goth band. You know, I used to be Goth.","Nick: Mm-hmm.","Greg: Yeah, the Goth thing was just an act. Chicks dug it.","Nick: How does that work?","Greg: You act depressed to get chicks, you get depressed chicks.","(Nick finds a print.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. JIMENEZ RESIDENCE - DAY]","(The paramedics tend to Kim Jimenez, binding her around the knife. Sara stands aside and watches.)","Adam Jimenez: (o.s.) Just let me in.","(Adam Jimenez walks in.)","Adam Jimenez: Baby, are you okay?","(He walks up to Kim.)","Adam Jimenez: Are you all right? You doing okay, huh? You all right? You okay? Yeah? Did you call these cops on me?","Kim Jiminez: No ... No.","Adam Jimenez: Huh?","(He puts a hand near her neck and starts choking her.)","Adam Jimenez: (shouts) Did you call the cops on me?!","(Sara stares at them, completely out of it.)","Kim Jiminez: (shouts) I didn't call the cops!","(SLOW MOTION. There's a commotion. Officer Ackers pushes Adam Jimenez away from Kim, who gets up. The officers pull Adam away from her. Ronnie pulls Kim away from him. Sara remains completely out of it as she watches.)","(Ronnie sits Kim down in the seat.)","Ronnie: (no audio) (to Kim) It's okay now. (She looks at Sara) Sara?","(Sara heads out. Kim Jimenez is still shouting for the officers to let her husband go.)","Sara: Why don't you finish up here?","(Ronnie starts after her.)","Ronnie: Wait a minute. How are we going to handle this?","Sara: Well, the guy's under arrest.","Ronnie: He'll be free by tomorrow. Her husband is obviously abusing her. (sighs) There's got to be something we can do.","Sara: We'll be back for her body next month. Or his. Or both. There is nothing you can do about this, Ronnie. Don't kid yourself.","(Sara heads out of the house.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]","(Sara walks through the hallway. She stops at the doorway to Grissom's office and she smiles as she watches him work. He looks up and sees her. She smiles at him.)","(He waves to her, then motions for her to come inside.)","(She lingers on his desk nameplate.)","(Sara turns and leaves.)","(Grissom looks up and sees Sara gone.)","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY]","(Mandy finds Sara.)","Mandy: Sara, I've got something really good on that defenestrated college kid.","Sara: Oh, that's Catherine's case. Or, you know what, talk to Nick.","Mandy: No, no, no, you're really going to love this. A print on a lube tube matched a print on her windowsill. AFIS got a hit.","(Mandy shows the results to Sara.)","Mandy: Ever think you'd see that guy again?","(Mandy leaves.)","CU: INFORMATION SHEET and photo on Marlon West.","FLASH TO:","[Various Scenes from 6X18: Unusual Suspect]","(Marlon West is in his science class.)","Nick: (V.O.) Marlon West was on trial for the murder of Stacy Vollmer.","(Stacy Vollmer is in the showers. She turns the knob and it explodes. She falls to the ground, dead.)","FLASH TO:","[INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - DAY]","(Grissom, Catherine, Nick and Sara stand around the layout table with the different photos on it.)","Nick: He confessed. It was later thrown out on a technicality. We really didn't need it. The prosecution's case against Marlon was very strong.","Sara: Until Marlon's little sister Hannah got on the stand and confessed to the murder herself.","FLASH TO: [Scene from 6X18: Unusual Suspect]","(Hannah West is on the stand.)","Hannah West: Marlon didn't kill Stacy. I did. And I was wearing this when I did it.","(She unzips her jacket to show her stained t-shirt.)","FLASH TO:","Catherine: Oh, yes, I remember this case. A high school senior at age 12.","Sara: She's a prodigy.","Nick: She's a pint-size Machiavelli. She manipulated events, fabricated evidence, and in the end ...","FLASH TO: [Scene from 6X18: Unusual Suspect]","(Nick and Sara sit in the courtroom.)","Jury Forewoman: We, the jury, find the defendant, Marlon West not guilty.","(Hannah smiles. She turns and hugs Marlon.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Sara talks with Hannah out in the hallway.)","Sara: Hannah, you are smart.","Hannah West: But you have to be really smart to make people think things happened that never did.","Sara: What do you mean exactly?","Hannah West: (whispers) I didn't kill Stacy. Marlon did.","BACK TO SCENE.","Sara: She claimed that she did it because she loved Marlon. Some warped sense of justice ... She graduated later that summer, became legally emancipated from her parents and went off to Harvard--pre-med.","Grissom: You keeping tabs on her?","Sara: Not recently. Look, accident or no accident, Marlon killed before. Hannah sunk this case, Marlon got a free pass, and now he's killed again.","Catherine: Well, we don't know that just yet. I mean, we don't have Marlon's DNA to compare with the semen that was found in the victim. All the old evidence was expunged with the verdict.","Sara: I want this case.","Grissom: The one that got away?","Sara: We're not supposed to let them get away, right?","Grissom: Okay. I'll see if I can clear it with Ecklie. Catherine has to supervise, though. You report to her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. AUDITORIUM -- DAY]","(Sara and Brass walk into the auditorium for a CHEMISTRY 101 class that's quickly filling with students. Sara finds Marlon West.)","(He sees them and sits up.)","Sara: Hello, Marlon.","Marlon West: What are you guys doing here?","Brass: We're here to talk to you about Kira Dellinger.","Marlon West: Kira committed suicide.","Sara: Actually, she was murdered.","Marlon West: Somebody I know ends up dead and I'm automatically a suspect?","Brass: History has a way of repeating itself, Marlon. You've killed before, you know?","Marlon West: That was an accident. And I admitted I was responsible from day one.","Sara: Kira was forced out her dorm window. Your prints were there.","Marlon West: My prints were there because I've been in there a million times. Kira and I were in a band.","Sara: Your prints were also found on a tube of sexual lubricant.","Brass: Were you having s*x with her, Marlon?","Marlon West: Yeah, we were having s*x.","Brass: Last night?","Marlon West: No, we had a gig last night. We ... we got into a fight.","Sara: Did she give you that fat lip?","(Sara notes Marlon's cut lip.)","Marlon West: No, not exactly.","(Quick flashback to: Marlon climbs up on stage and sees Kira about to kiss another guy.)","Marlon West: Kira! Kira!","(He climbs down and rushes over to them.)","Marlon West: Keep your hands off her!","(He pushes the boy away from her. The boy gets up and punches Marlon in the face.)","(Kira is angry with Marlon.)","Kira Dellinger: I'm done! From now on, just stay out of my life, psycho!","(She walks away from him.)","BACK TO SCENE.","Marlon West: I don't know who the guy was. I had never seen him before. After that, I just ... wandered the campus most of the night by myself.","Brass: So you don't have an alibi.","Marlon West: I guess I don't.","Sara: Well, I'll tell you what. We will give you the benefit of the doubt in exchange for this.","(Sara takes out a swab.)","Sara: You remember this.","(Hannah walks up to them.)","Hannah West: I assume you have a DNA warrant, Sara. Because if you don't, you certainly don't have his consent. Isn't that right, Marlon?","Sara: Hannah, I heard you were studying back East--what are you doing here?","Hannah West: Graduate school. Excuse me.","(She walks past Sara and heads for the front.)","Sara: Excuse me.","(Hannah glances over her shoulder as Sara follows her.)","Sara: You are not going to muddy the waters this time.","Hannah West: Are you sure you'd know if I had? You're welcome to stay. You might learn something.","(Hannah walks up the stage and adjusts the mike on the podium.)","Hannah West: Please turn to page 187, the Clausius-Clapeyron equation. Oh, by the way, Professor Costin said it'll be on the exam.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY]","(Sara talks with Brass.)","Brass: I don't know, Sara. It's going to be tough to get a warrant.","Sara: I need Marlon West's DNA. If his semen is in Kira Dellinger, it puts him at the murder.","Brass: Look, they had a known sexual relationship, so there's no evidence of rape. And I don't know if you know this, but Marlon's mother and father were killed in a car accident last year. Judge Bowman is going to be very sensitive to that. It could look like harassment.","Sara: Jim, are you going to talk to the judge or not?","Brass: Wow, you really got it out for this kid. What's the deal here, Sara?","Sara: Marlon West has killed before.","Brass: Not according to a jury of his peers.","Sara: Did you have fun talking to Kira Dellinger's parents?","Brass: Excuse me?","Sara: Must've been a lot of screaming and crying and despair.","Brass: Yeah, there usually is. What's your point, Sara?","Sara: My point is, if we had done our job right the first time, Marlon West would be in jail, and Kira Dellinger would still be alive. Talk to the judge.","(Sara leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]","(Henry Andrews shares his findings with Catherine and Nick.)","Henry Andrews: HPLC found high levels of gamma-hydroxybutyric acid in Kira Dellinger's blood.","Nick: GHB does occur naturally in the body. You sure she was drugged?","Henry Andrews: Pretty sure. Started to metabolize in her blood and urine when she died. That typically indicates dosing.","Nick: Okay, so then maybe she was roofied, raped, then murdered.","Catherine: And no vaginal trauma because she was too numb to resist. It's possible.","Henry Andrews: You know, some people take GHB recreationally.","Nick: I didn't find any drug paraphernalia in her room. It was pretty consistent with a \"straight edge\" lifestyle.","Catherine: You know, that just sounds like something a girl tells her parents in order to make them feel better. I mean, we know she had s*x. There was GHB in her system ... I think you just need to test everything in her room that she may have ingested.","Nick: (sighs) Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - A\/V LAB]","(Greg and Archie are on the Internet on KiraEDGE's blog.)","Greg: If you've got a band, you've got a blog.","Archie Johnson: Got e-mails, IMs, text messages-a minute-by-minute diary of Kira Dellinger's life.","Greg: With the last post a couple hours before she died.","Archie Johnson: What made you think to check her Twitter page?","Greg: Well, most date rape victims know their assailants, and Kira was an active blogger, so I figured if she was having trouble with anyone, she'd probably talk about it online. Some people just don't value privacy.","Archie Johnson: They don't expect privacy. They value openness.","Greg: Whatever.","(They find an entry.)","Archie Johnson: Hmm. \"It shouldn't suck when two boys fight over you, but it does. Drummerboy19 won't be a man. And TorchX wants what he can't have. They both bug.\"","Greg: Looks like a virtual love triangle to me. My guess isDrummerBoy19 is Marlon.","Archie Johnson: Well, TorchX responded to that. \"KiraEdge, you know I never give up.\"","Greg: That could be a threat.","Archie Johnson: Let's see if this \"TorchX\" has a real name.","(Archie pulls up a page for JORDAN ROCKWELL.)","Greg: Jordan Rockwell. I guess he values openness, too.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. HOSPITAL -- DAY]","(Brass shows Jordan Rockwell a photo of Kira Dellinger.)","Brass: Mr. Rockwell, do you know this girl?","Jordan Rockwell: Yeah, sure. It's Kira Dellinger.","Brass: When was the last time you saw her?","Jordan Rockwell: Uh ... last night.","Brass: Hmm. Where?","Jordan Rockwell: At her place. We had s*x.","Brass: Nice. How did that happen?","Jordan Rockwell: We used to date in high school. Then we reconnected online, and, uh ... I came down to the campus to check out her band.","Brass: So she gave you a roll for old times' sake.","Jordan Rockwell: Well, I ... uh ... I kind of helped her out with a boyfriend problem.","Brass: Is this the problem?","(Brass shows him a photo of MARLON WEST.)","Jordan Rockwell: Yeah. Yeah, that's the guy. He was ... uh ... he was into her, you know, but she ... she was not into him. And he started giving her static, so ... I knocked the little douche's teeth out. I guess she kind of liked it, because she took me back to her place after that.","Brass: Then what? I want to know everything up until the time when you wrapped your car around that telephone pole.","Jordan Rockwell: She fell asleep ... and then I started feeling sick, so I ... uh ... got my car to drive home. Then I got really dizzy and ... uh ... wham. That's it.","Brass: So she was alive the last time you saw her.","Jordan Rockwell: Wh-what do you mean, \"she was alive\"?","Brass: She's dead.","(Jordan swallows, shocked by the news.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY]","(Greg talks with Nick and Sara.)","Greg: According to Brass, officers at the crash scene suspected that Jordan Rockwell was under the influence, so the hospital ran a tox panel.","Sara: Positive for GHB.","Nick: Really? So this guy roofies himself along with Kira?","Sara: Did they share a drink?","Greg: Well, if they did, it wasn't in anything we tested. Hodges ran all the water bottles and soda cans we collected from the room -- no GHB in anything.","Nick: Wait a minute. I think I know what they shared.","(Nick turns and heads into the evidence room.)","Nick: Kira and Jordan had unprotected s*x, right?","Sara: Yes.","(Nick takes out a knife and cuts open the evidence box.)","Nick: That means ... they both came in contact ... with this.","(He holds up the bag with the lubricant tube.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI -- LAYOUT ROOM - DAY]","(Hodges shares his findings with Nick and Sara. They stand around the table with the photos on it.)","Hodges: Kudos to you. The lube was indeed laced with GHB. Not hard to do if you know a little chemistry.","(Sara is reading the file.)","Sara: Marlon takes chemistry. Hannah teaches it.","Nick: We know Marlon's fingerprints are on the lube tube. We know he was jealous. Maybe the GHB-lube was his way of getting back at her. You know? Give a drug-free girl a bad trip.","(Sara looks at the photos.)","Hodges: Which became a really bad trip.","Nick: Yeah. But still, that doesn't conclusively put anybody at the crime scene.","Sara: There's one thing we have that does. We can get a warrant for this.","(She shows them the photo of Kira's hand with the fragment in it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY]","(Marlon smiles and shows them his chipped tooth. He sighs.)","Marlon West: I'm telling you, I didn't kill Kira. I've never lied to you. Not once. You just never believe me. When I'm guilty, you want me to be innocent. When I'm innocent, you want me to be guilty.","(He sits in front of Nick, who is mixing the microsil.)","Nick: Hey, you know what, Marlon? You can save it, 'cause unlike most people, you're not going to get me to underestimate you. I already know you're every bit as smart as your sister, especially when it comes to creating confusion.","(Nick holds out the mold medium.)","Nick: Open up.","(Nick puts the mold in Marlon's mouth.)","Nick: Bite down.","(Marlon bites down.)","Nick: Let it sit.","(Nick leaves it there.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]","(Sara finds Hannah sitting in the waiting room.)","Hannah West: He didn't kill Kira. He cared about her.","Sara: Hannah, what makes you think that I would believe anything that you tell me?","Hannah West: I suppose I'm an optimist. College has been a difficult adjustment for Marlon, especially after we lost our parents.","Sara: I'm sorry about that.","Hannah West: You're not really, though. When will Marlon be able to leave?","Sara: Well, we're going to keep him here as long as we possibly can.","Hannah West: At least that's honest. It also seems a little vindictive.","Sara: Given your brother's history, I think it's pretty sensible.","Hannah West: What's wrong, Sara? You're different than you used to be. You're angry. And a little sad, too. Why?","Sara: If you want to spend more time with your brother, I recommend you invest in a good lawyer, Hannah.","(Sara turns and leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAB]","(Nick puts the bone fragment in the mold made from Marlon's teeth.)","Nick: It's a physical match. Puts Marlon at the scene.","Sara: That's probably not enough to put him in jail.","(Greg appears in the doorway.)","Greg: I think I might be able to help you out there.","[INT. CSI - A\/V LAB]","(Greg has THE DEATH CRUSADE'S page up on the monitor.)","Greg: I found a Friend Agenda page for Kira and Marlon's band, the Death Crusade.","Nick: Seems like a lot of pictures for a college band.","Greg: Well, TDC, as they're called, has quite a solid fan base on campus.","(Greg stops on a photo under the caption, \"Marlon busted up.\")","Sara: Hannah was there.","Greg: Yeah. Marlon must've been thrilled.","Nick: What guy would like having his little sister around to watch as he gets his ass kicked in front of his girlfriend?","INSERT: CAMERA FLASHES in a series showing Marlon getting punched.","Kira Dellinger: From now on, just stay out of my life, psycho!","(Kira and Jordan leave. Hannah runs up to Marlon.)","Hannah West: Marlon, Marlon, it's okay.","(Marlon stands up.)","Marlon West: Kira, don't do this to me!","BACK TO SCENE.","Nick: So this new guy pops Marlon in the mouth, chips his tooth. Marlon's humiliated, decides to take it out on Kira. Kills her, then tries to make it look like a suicide, and in the midst of their struggle, his tooth fragment ends up in her fist?","(Sara scrolls through the various photos of Jordan punching Marlon.)","Nick: What are you looking for now?","Sara: I'm not sure.","(She finds some photos of Hannah picking up something from the ground.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM]","(Sara removes the fragment from the mold. She's in the layout room alone. She looks at the fragment under the magnifying glass, then fits the fragment back into the mold.)","(She holds up the mold and makes a fist as if punching the teeth. She does this several times. She knocks the fragment out of the mold.)","(She looks at the photos on the table. It's not making sense to her. She puts the fragment back into the mold and picks up the magnifying glass.)","(Grissom walks in.)","Grissom: What are you doing?","Sara: I'm just ... uh ... taking a closer look at Marlon's chipped tooth. Look at the orientation of the fragment in the mouth.","(Grissom looks at the mold under the magnifying glass.)","Sara: And now look at the way the tooth ended up in Kira's right fist.","(She pushes the photo toward Grissom.)","Grissom: Looks like it's backwards.","Sara: I don't think Kira punched Marlon. I think Hannah picked up the tooth from a fight that Marlon had earlier in the evening. And I think she planted it on Kira.","(Grissom is silent as he thinks about it.)","Sara: That's crazy.","Grissom: It's possible.","Sara: This kid is spinning me in circles again.","Grissom: You know, Sara, some cases, some suspects can get under your skin. Like this tooth. But you can't let it make you feel bad. If you want, we can put Nick on this.","Sara: No. No, I ... um ... I need to finish this case. I'll be okay.","Grissom: Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT]","(Sara talks with Hannah. She shows Hannah the photo of Hannah picking up something off the ground.)","Sara: What is that in your hand?","Hannah West: I think it was a gum wrapper. It's wrong to litter.","Sara: It's a piece of a tooth-the one that Kira Dellinger's new boy-toy knocked out of Marlon's head.","(Quick flash to: Hannah picks up the tooth off the ground.)","(Kira is on the bed when Hannah enters her room.)","Sara: (V.O.) You had already spiked Kira's lube with GHB. All you had to do was wait.","(Hannah puts the tooth in Kira's fist.)","Sara: (V.O.) A piece of his tooth in her fist.","(Hannah lifts Kira and dumps her out the window.)","Sara: (V.O.) A little bit of leverage. And your brother's a killer again.","BACK TO SCENE.","Hannah West: That's a highly unlikely series of events. You don't expect me to confess to something I didn't do?","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OBSERVATION ROOM -- CONTINUOUS]","(Grissom watches the interview.)","Sara: I am just putting you on notice. You are not fooling me anymore.","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- CONTINUOUS]","Hannah West: I think I know why you're so angry, Sara. I did some research. I read about what that serial killer did to you out in the desert, under that car ...","Sara: We're talking about you, Hannah.","Hannah West: It must've been so terrible being trapped like that all alone. Did your life flash in front of your eyes?","Sara: That is none of your business.","Hannah West: You must've been so sad knowing that you were gonna lose everyone who mattered to you.","Sara: Stop it, Hannah.","Hannah West: Look, I know how it feels. One moment my parents were alive, and the next they were gone.","Sara: Answer the question!","Hannah West: My life changed in that moment. All that I have left is Marlon. Why would I do anything to hurt him?","(Sara gets to her feet and bangs the table.)","Sara: Stop playing games with me.","(Sara gets up and leaves the room.)","Hannah West: You're the one who's playing games.","[EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS]","(Sara exits the hallway just as Grissom steps out into the hallway.)","Grissom: Hey.","Sara: (surprised) What are you doing here?","(Grissom walks over to her. Sara backs away from him.)","Grissom: I was going to ask you the same question. Listen, I'm worried about you.","Sara: (interrupts) That just makes this worse. I-I can't talk about this right now. I can't.","(Sara leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- NIGHT]","(Sara walks through the hallway. As she passes reception, Ronnie is talking with Kim Jimenez.)","Ronnie: You can call me anytime. Just stay in touch, okay?","Kim Jiminez: Okay.","(Ronnie turns to catch up with Sara.","Sara: What happened? Her husband attack her again?","Ronnie: No. She came involuntarily. It took some convincing, but she's agreed to go to a shelter.","Sara: She won't stay.","Ronnie: Maybe not. But at least now she has a chance. Look, I did it all on my own time, no OT. I know it's not the way you do things, but I think it's part of the job. At least, that's how I want it to be. For me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM]","(Sara shows Marlon the photos of Hannah with the tooth.)","Marlon West: Why would Hannah want to frame me?","Sara: I don't know, Marlon. She's your sister.","Marlon West: Hannah's always been kinda weird. But since the trial ... and after our parents died, she's started getting really weird.","Sara: Like how?","Marlon West: Really clingy, I guess. Always wanting to hang around with me.","Sara: And that changed when you met Kira?","Marlon West: Yeah. But not for Hannah.","(Quick flashback to: Marlon and Kira are in bed when the door opens and Hannah looks in. Kira sees her.)","Kira Dellinger: Get out of here, you little freak! Aren't you gonna get her out of here?!","(Marlon doesn't move. Kira gets up and leaves.)","Kira Dellinger: Oh, I hope you two are really happy together. Freaks!","Marlon: (V.O.) After that, Kira said she was done with me.","FLASH TO:","(Hannah talks with Marlon.)","Hannah West: Marlon ... don't be sad. She doesn't deserve you.","Marlon West: You're right. She doesn't. You want to help me teach Kira a lesson?","(Hannah nods.)","BACK TO SCENE.","Marlon West: I asked Hannah to teach me how to make GHB, and how to get it into Kira. I just wanted to mess her up a bit. I snuck it into Kira's room a few days ago; I still had a key. Hannah must've made a copy.","Sara: I believe you, Marlon. I really do. But the only thing that a jury's going to see is your prints on the lube, your prints on the windowsill, and another dead girl.","Marlon West: Why is Hannah doing this to me?","Sara: I don't know. All I know is ... you don't deserve to take the fall for this. And the question is ... are you going to let your sister get away with this and spend the rest of your life in jail?","Marlon West: If Hannah wants me in jail, that's where I'm going to be. There's nothing I can do about it.","Sara: There is one thing.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- JAIL]","(The guard leads Hannah to Marlon's cell.)","Guard: One foot away from the bars at all times. And no contact, you understand?","Hannah: Yeah, I understand.","(The guard puts the chair in front of the bars. Hannah sits down. Marlon sighs.)","Marlon: Thanks for coming.","Hannah: The police said you needed me.","Marlon: Yeah, I do. I need to know ... what I did to deserve this.","Hannah: You killed Kira.","Marlon: We both know I didn't do that.","(Hannah looks at Marlon.","Hannah: You look a little flushed, Marlon. (A bead of sweat runs down Marlon's face.) Are you feeling all right?","Marlon: No, I'm not feeling all right. INTERCUT WITH:","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS]","(Brass and Sara listen to Hannah and Marlon over the speakers.)","Hannah: (over speaker) Kira always brought out the worst in you.","Marlon: Hannah, they're going to put me away for the rest of my life.","Hannah: The evidence is against you, particularly given your history of violence.","Marlon: Please ... after everything I've done for you, after everything we've done for each other, at least tell me why.","Hannah: Because I love you.","Marlon: And I love you, too.","Hannah: No. You don't. But you will. I promise, I'll visit you every week.","(Hannah stands up and looks at the guard.)","Hannah: We're done.","(The guard puts the chair back and leads Hannah out. Marlon is left alone in the cell.)","(Brass sighs.)","Brass: Well, he gave it a shot, but she is way out of his league.","Sara: She's out of mine, too.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]","(Sara walks through the hallway. She enters Grissom's office.)","Sara: Hi.","(Grissom looks up from his desk.)","Grissom: Hi.","(Sara steps forward. She appears ready to talk. She smiles at him.)","Grissom: Okay, what's up?","Sara: I'm sorry. I've been ... uh ...","(Sara's cell phone rings. Grissom waits. Sara answers her phone.)","Sara: (to phone) This is Sara. (She pauses, then looks at Grissom.) (to phone) I'll be right there.","(She hangs up and leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- JAIL]","(Sara turns the corner and finds Brass and a guard near Marlon's cell.)","Brass: Guard found him about an hour ago. Said he didn't even make a sound.","(Sara finds Marlon hanging from the windowsill, with elastic tied around his neck.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]","[EXT. WLVU - CAMPUS -- DAY]","(Sara waits by a tree for Hannah.)","Hannah: You need to talk to me again?","Sara: I do. I know that you killed Kira Dellinger. I just can't prove it.","Hannah: That must be frustrating for you.","Sara: Hannah, Marlon's dead.","Hannah: Wow. That's a really sad and desperate ploy, Sara. It's beneath you.","(Sara shows Hannah the photo of Marlon hanging at the windowsill.)","Sara: He was doing well here, wasn't he? Making friends, joining a band, falling in love. But you're still a freak, just like high school.","Hannah: You're lying. No. This is a lie.","Sara: His world got bigger, and yours stayed the same, and you killed Kira so you could keep him all to yourself, didn't you?","Hannah: (screams) It's a lie! No ... it's a lie! It's a lie! This is a ... lie!","(She drops her backpack and grabs Sara's hands. Sara struggles with her and kneels as Hannah cries.)","Hannah: Stop it! Marlon ... he-he-he can't leave me all alone.","(Sara puts her arm around Hannah.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - HALLWAY]","(Sara returns to CSI. )","Hodges: (o.s.) Look at this. I didn't think my results were inconclusive and that I'll just have to wait till I get the tox results back from Henry.","(She turns the corner and walks up to Grissom, who is getting a report back from Hodges.)","(She walks up to Grissom and kisses him.)","(She nods, turns and leaves. SARA has reached her limit.)","[INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM]","(Sara enters the locker room. She opens her locker and takes her CSI vest out with the roll of masking tape. She sits down on the bench and takes a pocketknife out of her pocket. She removes the stitching off her name patch.)","(The lights around her fade, leaving Sara sitting alone in darkness.)","(She rips her patch off and replaces it with the masking tape. On it she writes: GOOD LUCK.)","(Sara puts the vest in Ronnie's locker.)","(She closes the locker, puts the tape back in her own locker, pausing for a moment to look at a photo of GRISSOM and herself.)","(She closes the locker and picks up her pocketknife and name patch. She looks at her name patch, then up at the empty locker room. She tosses the name patch in the trash.)","(Sara leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CSI - RECEPTION]","(Grissom walks through the hallway as he looks for Sara. He stops in front of reception.)","Grissom: Judy, have you seen Sara?","Judy Tremont: She left a few minutes ago, sir, but she did leave something for you.","(Judy gives him an envelope.)","Grissom: Thank you.","(He takes the envelope and heads back to his office.)","[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE]","(Grissom opens the note.)","Sara: (V.O.) Gil ... You know I love you. I feel I've loved you forever. Lately ...","INTERCUT WITH:","[EXT. LAS VEGAS STRIP - NIGHT]","(A taxi moves down the strip.)","Sara: (V.O.) I haven't been feeling very well. Truth be told, I'm tired.","(SARA is in the cab.)","Sara: (V.O.) Out in the desert, under that car that night, I realized something, and I haven't been able to shake it. Since my father died, I've spent almost my entire life with ghosts. We'd been like close friends, and out there in the desert, it occurred to me that it was time for me to bury them. I can't do that here. I'm so sorry. No matter how hard I try to fight it off, I'm left with the feeling that ... I have to go. I have no idea where I'm going, but I know I have to do this. If I don't, I'm afraid I'll self-destruct, and worse, you'll be there to see it happen. Be safe. Know that I tried very hard to stay. Know that you are my one and only. I will miss you with every beat of my heart. Our life together was the only home I've ever really had. I wouldn't trade it for anything.","Sara: (V.O.) I love you.","(Grissom takes his glasses off.)","Sara: (V.O.) I always will.","ON: SARA","Sara: (V.O.) Good-bye.","ON: GRISSOM"],"Show Title":"CSI Crime Scene Investigation","Episode Number":"08x07","Episode Title":"Goodbye & Good Luck","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"CSI__Cyber_02x12.json","Recap":["Ryan and Russell investigate when interference affects New York 911 calls. The Cyber team discovers an airborne computer virus that is infecting cell phones and must find the hacker responsible. Meanwhile, D.B. meets a woman after responding to a text he received by mistake. Opening Credits Jargon: Default Password - A simple password assigned by a device manufacturer that is easily hacked if left unchanged."],"Transcript":["(whistling)","(classical music playing)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Male operator: 911. What is your emergency?","Man: I just witnessed a hit and run.","Female operator: 911. What is your emergency?","Woman: My apartment building's on fire.","There are people still inside!","Female operator: 911. What's your emergency?","Child: How many people...","Woman: I hear screams!","Male operator: 911. What is your emergency? I need to get to a hospital. I'm five months pregnant. I'm feeling sharp, stabbing pains.","(gasping)","It's too soon for contractions. I'm at 249 West McCoy Street. Hello? Hello?","Male operator: 911. What is your emergency? I need help. I need an ambulance. I think my wife is having a heart attack. She's collapsed. What-what do I do? Hello? Are you-- are you there? Hello! Help! Honey, sweetheart, stay with me. Hold on, sweetheart, hold on. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Someone help, please! I need help! Help! Help!","Male operator: 911. What is your emergency? We need an ambulance. A man's fallen from a scaffolding, but we can't tell if he's alive. There's blood everywhere and he isn't moving. Hello? Can you hear me? Are you there? Are you there? Hello, hello? Sweeney, hold on. Can you hear me? Hello? It's coming down! Watch out! Look out!","(shouting)","Go, go! Something's wrong with my phone! Someone call 911!","Male operator 2: This is 911. What is your emergency?","Female operator: 911. What's your emergency? What is your emergency? We've been flooded with reports of people having issues calling 911 from cell phones. They say they connect to an operator, but then the call drops off and their phone freezes in call mode. What makes you think that this is a cyber intrusion and not a malfunction of the New York City 911 system? Well, we've checked and double-checked. There's no evidence of a mechanical malfunction. Our IT guys believe it's a hack within our system that affects incoming cell phone calls. Anyone who places a call from a land line doesn't experience the problem. Have you ruled out issues with cell service providers? They've all confirmed that cell towers in the city are properly functioning and all other wireless phone traffic is normal. So it only happens when someone calls 911? When someone calls 911 from a cell phone. Not getting help when you want it? That's terrifying.","Ryan: The mayor and Homeland Security are concerned that this could be a well-crafted precursor to a terrorist attack. Raven says the first reports of dropped 911 calls came in around 7:00 a.m. this morning. Complaints were made to local precincts and cell service providers. My operators noticed a decrease in call volume about the same time. But none have reported being abruptly disconnected or dropped from a call.","Operator: Excuse me, Clayton? Sorry. Will you excuse me a moment?","Raven: According to my stats, there's definitely something going on. Well, I've compared the number of 911 calls from yesterday at this hour to those received this morning. Huge decrease in cell phone calls. On a typical day, the call center would get 24,000 calls, 70% from cell phones. And this morning, cellular calls went down to 30%.","Russell: So there are some cell phones out there that are connecting to 911 and completing the call. Right? Yeah, but the strange thing is, is that most of the calls are made from devices outside of Manhattan, in the Boroughs.","Krumitz: We plugged into the 911 system. No evidence of malfunctions or indicators of compromise. Yeah, no known vulnerability, no malware, not a trace of digital dust that indicates a hack. I mean, these boxes are squeaky clean. So there's nothing here that can tell us what's going on. Okay, so that means the problem has to be internal to the cell phones. They're all different models and brands, in different locations all over the city. Not to mention that they all have different service providers. Other than them being cell phones, I mean, they have no connection to each other.","Russell: Yeah, except they all dropped 911 calls, right? We need to get ahold of one of those phones. I might be able to help with you that. I have the latest incident reports. There was an accident at a construction site not far from here. The foreman called for paramedics. Same thing happened. Dropped call. There's a possibility we can get that phone.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Foreman: Yeah, that's my cell number and I'm the site foreman.","I called 911 when the scaffolding collapsed. Sweeney dropped from the third floor. And there were two others who also dialed 911? Yeah, Henderson and Joe Lavelle. Just like me, they reached the operator, and then the phones froze and nobody was on the other end. Is there a way to get in touch with them? I'd like to take a look at their devices. Yeah, I can, uh, I can get you their home number. This is crazy. That kid was only 20 years old. Bled to death because I couldn't get the paramedics here in time. And now, two more of my guys are in the hospital in critical condition. I hope you can figure this out. You know, on jobs like this, something happens every day on these sites. I need to know that my guys can get help when they need it. Excuse me.","(indistinct chatter)","Nelson: Eric O'Brian's phone is infected with malware.","I mean, it's gonna take time to reverse-engineer the code and figure out exactly what it does to a cell. Nah, forget the code. I cloned his device to a known-good test phone. Let's just call 911 and see what happens. All right.","Male operator: 911. What is your emergency? My name is Daniel Krumitz. I'm an agent with the FBI. Operator, if you wouldn't mind standing up and waving for me? 911. What is your emergency? How 'bout counting to ten? Hello? You there? Nope. Okay. Already gone. That lasted about three seconds. Hey, look, maybe he thought you were a prank caller and hung up. You know, you don't exactly sound like an FBI agent. An operator isn't gonna hang up that quickly. They're required to make sure there's no real emergency, regardless of what the caller says. So maybe you didn't reach an operator at all. Remember, operators haven't been reporting dropped calls, only people dialing in on cell phones have. Hmm. This test phone's still active. It's frozen; I'm locked out. That's the hacker's plan. When you attempt to dial 911, you won't get a chance to do it again. Or use a cell at all. It'll force you to find a land line or a pay phone. A pay phone? And who uses a land line anymore? Yeah. I don't even have one in my apartment. I don't have one, either. Oh, look. Krummy, check this, right? I got a timestamp indicating the moment the malware infected Eric O'Brian's phone, right? And just seconds before that, his cell phone connected to a Wi-Fi network. So that router could be the source of the infection. Mm-hmm. You got a location? Yeah. Two seconds. And... tah-dah. All right, I got it. I'm driving. Let's go. What exactly does an FBI agent sound like? Smooth, Krummy. Sturdy. Gotta sound like you just finished the Ironman. I'm out of breath? No, man. You gotta be tough. You know, like a... like a bad-ass.","(tough voice): Daniel Krumitz, FBI.","(deeper voice): Dan... Daniel Krumitz, FBI.","(indistinct chatter)","The router that Eric's phone connected to isn't here.","Mundo: You're sure you got the right location?","Nelson: I'm positive. Well, maybe our hacker removed the device. Wanted it to remain undetected. Wait, wait, guys, it just showed up. And... now it's gone. That means it's moving. Wait, guys, it's back up again. Signal's getting stronger. Real strong.","Woman: Is it coming?","Woman 2: Oh, thank you. That's it, right there. That's why the signal's moving. Free Wi-Fi. Stop that bus! I'll call Avery and D.B.! Let's see what's on the bus's router. Okay, same malware on Eric O'Brian's phone. But... that's not the interesting part. Nelson. No. Uh-uh. It... it can't be. I know, right? But it is, though, look. Guys, guys. Hey, hey. Can we use words that actually mean something?","(laughs)","Krumitz: It's like this, okay?","I have the flu. I sneeze. If you're close enough to me, you get the flu. That's what this is. It's an airborne computer virus. It... it lives. What do you mean, \"it lives,\" Krumitz?","Nelson: It was programmed to spread like a real virus. It jumps from unsecured router to unsecured router within 150 feet. So it infects any wireless access point that's not password protected? And even the ones that use a default password from the manufacturer. So this bus has been, like, \"sneezing\" all over town.","Every unsecured router in its path has been infected?","Krumitz: And whenever a Wi-Fi enabled phone connects to one of these infected routers, it gets the virus.","Malware automatically jumps onto it.","Ryan: It's contagious. I've never seen anything in the wild like this before. Can the virus jump from phone to phone? No. Phones can only get the virus if they're connected to one of the infected routers. Well, at least these buses stay on the same route, right? It'll help us contain the infection.","Ryan: But ultimately, all the buses go back to home base. And then this infection jumps from bus router to bus router. And then bright and early this morning, all those buses went right back into the streets of Manhattan. Increasing the number of people who won't get any help when they call 911. This is an outbreak. We're looking at an epidemic. We need to find patient zero.","\u266a CSI Cyber 2x12 \u266a Original Air Date on January 31, 2016","\u266a I know you've deceived me, now here's a surprise \u266a \u266a I know that you have, 'cause there's magic in my eyes \u266a \u266a I can see for miles and miles \u266a \u266a I can see for miles and miles \u266a \u266a I can see for miles and miles \u266a \u266a And miles... \u266a \u266a Oh, yeah. \u266a","(indistinct chattering)","The infected area has grown by 25% in the past two hours. I've notified Port Authority and service providers. All public routers are being disconnected from buses and ferries. Have FBI communications get in touch with all of the New Jersey, Connecticut, Philadelphia news media outlets. Make sure they're getting the word out that commuters should turn off their Wi-Fi and not try to connect to any free or open Wi-Fi sources.","And remind them: use their landlines when calling 911. This virus will definitely cross state lines unless we're overly cautious. Yep, a virus warning is already spreading through social media, and there's been a big surge in purchases of old-school telephones. You're finally in style, D.B.","(chuckles)","Thanks very much. Oh, hey, hold on a second. Little, uh, social protocol. Let's say you get a text clearly meant for somebody else, sent by someone you don't know. Now, are you supposed to, uh, text 'em right back and say they got the wrong person? Kind of sounds like a personal text then. Well, yeah, kind of. Wh-Why would you just assume that? 'Cause if it was something like \"I'm gonna be late\" or \"Call me,\" then it's easy to text back. You wouldn't give it a second thought. But if suddenly you get dropped into the middle of someone else's drama... What did the text say? Well, uh, none of your business. (gasps) You answered my question. I'll see you later. Come on, D.B. It's got to be pretty juicy, huh? We'll talk about it when I get back to DC. D.B., you can't just...","(scoffs)","Mayor Cavanaugh, there's no evidence to suggest that the 911 hack is a terrorist threat. Well, that's a relief. Do you know who's behind it? We have a profile of who we're looking for. They're not part of a politically motivated group or collective. They would have already claimed responsibility by now. Our target is an individual who's celebrating his power to cripple the city. He enjoys making people feel desperate, helpless. There's a chance that he's tried something like this in the past on a smaller scale. But this virus is an escalation. He? It's most likely a man. Women go about things like this in a less conspicuous way. I was told you have a plan. The malware is mimicking a biicalirus, so we're using CDC protocol. We've identified how it's transmitted, we've begun the containment, we're informing the public. My team is writing code, an antidote, that will cure all the infected phones and stop any new phones from acquiring it. You are, Deputy Director Ryan, as impressive as I was told. Which makes my next request a little uncomfortable.","(sighs)","Brody Nelson. He's one of my cyber investigators. He's also the young man that hacked into the New York Stock Exchange, created havoc in the financial district. And I understand that that tarnished your first term in the mayor's office. This is not about me. I am well aware of Brody Nelson's crimes. He is serving his time. I would prefer he were in prison and not writing code for anything having to do with my city. Well, that is not your call, sir. Did you know that eight-million-dollar transfer as a result of his financial hack was never accounted for? That young man knows where it is. The mayor's just bent out of shape because their election's coming up. (sighs) I did a terrible thing, D.B. Can't expect people to forget. You know what? I'm just gonna image these devices and go back to DC with you. It'll be easier for me to analyze the malware from Tear Down and work on the antidote. Okay. All right? Let me make this clear. I don't want Brody Nelson working this case. If Brody Nelson doesn't work on this case, then neither do I. So you let me know.","Reporter: The FBI has informed us of a malware virus affecting the 911 emergency system. ...Wi-Fi has been discontinued. We ask that you use a landline for all...","Operator: 911, what's your emergency? This is an emergency. Excuse me, I need to make... What you got? I've infected these test phones with the virus. It lies dormant until you dial 911, and this is what you hear.","Male voice: 911. What is your emergency? Hello. Hello. No one there. That's because there was never anyone there. It's a recorded voice. There's an audio file hard-coded into the virus. Now, these phone calls never make it to an actual 911 operator. Just a recorded voice. The hacker hijacked 911 and made the caller believe they were getting through. Mm-hmm, and not only that. Check this out. (hums)","Male voice: 911. What is your emergency? Say something. Keep talking. Hello, this is D.B. Russell. Testing, one, two, three. The phone is not frozen, it's recording everything I'm saying. Right. All right, so our target is a man who... who gets off on hearing the fear and the panic of helpless people. He's recording the callers and sending the audio... somewhere. And we don't know where? Nope. The files are bouncing through proxy IPs. It's a dead end.","(classical music plays)","Male voice: 911. What is your emergency?","Woman: Please help, someone just broke into my house.","He's strangling my husband. I'm hiding in the closet. Oh... oh, God. He's...","Male voice: Try to stay calm, ma'am. I'm showing your address is 754 Plymouth Way. Is that correct?","Woman: Yes, please hurry. I-I can hear him in the kitchen.","(crying): I think my husband's dead.","Male voice: Help is on the way.","Woman: Please hurry. Where are you? Am I right or am I right? The voice of the 911 operator embedded in the malware sounds like a long-lost relative of T-Pain. Who Pain?","Ramirez: T-Pain. He's the king of auto-tune. Yeah. And that is again? It's, like, when a recording artist alters the pitch of their voice when they sing off-key. Or when they suck. Well, if that's true and the voice was distorted, then we should be able to un-distort it. I just made that word up. All right, let's get to work here. Play it again, Nelson. All right.","Male voice (slowly): 911. What is your emer... Okay, Raven, isolate one of the ringing phones in the background there. And pull up the ringtone used by the 911 call center. That'll be our baseline. Right, once we match the ringtones, we'll have the real voice of our 911 operator. Exactly. Okay, I am adjusting the pitch and speed of the recording until the waveforms line up.","Male voice: 911. What is your emergency? Okay, here we have our real 911 operator's voice.","Male voice: 911. What is your emergency? Why would our target want to distort this voice? To disguise it. This could be him. Right? Our target. I mean, why else would he do it? You think he works at a call center. I don't know, it's just a theory. Let's run this voice against all of the male dispatchers in the New York City call center database. All right? Maybe we'll get lucky here, get an I.D.","Nelson: Got him.","Ryan: Leo Finch. Look at his profile. He was fired from the call center exactly a year ago today. Well, that's motive for revenge. Let's see, he was fired for... \"failure to properly dispatch emergency units\" \"poor decision making\" \"refusal to follow protocol\" Also looks like there were several instances of slow dispatch times and sending paramedics to the wrong address. Delayed dispatch times suggests he wanted to keep the panicked callers on the line as long as possible. He enjoyed hearing their desperation. Their pleading made him feel powerful and in control. Leo is an auditory voyeur. Well, that's twisted. Call Elijah. Tell him there's a door he has to kick down. Clear! Clear! Clear! All clear! Clear!","Mundo: Victims are Mary and Roger Ingram. (sighs) Ligature marks around the neck and petechial hemorrhaging in the eyes suggest strangulation. We have a time of death?","Mundo: According to the on-site coroner report, body temp puts TOD somewhere between 5:00 and 7:00 a.m. this morning. Any signs of forced entry? No. And nothing to suggest that Leo Finch lives here. Police are canvassing the area right now, seeing if anybody recognizes Leo's photo.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Man: Agent Mundo.","Krumitz: Looks like Mary tried to call for help. She's still clenching this phone. Cadaveric spasm. It occurs in violent, intense deaths. That's why her hand is clenched around the phone. Battery's dead. See if it has the virus. Malware is exactly the same as all the others. According to the call log, Mary tried to call 911 at 6:23 a.m. Please hurry, he's strangling my husband. I think he killed him. I can hear him coming. Hello, is anyone there? Hello? Hello?","(screams)","Mundo: Avery.","There's a basement apartment. This is an odd setup. Cheap furniture, egg carton acoustics, but very expensive speakers. Found a laptop. This is a Benning. Leo has a $50,000 violin and lives in a cheap rental? It's funny-- some of the best coders are talented musicians. Both highly technical, deal with complex numbers. Clearly, Leo's obsession was sound.","Krumitz: I'm imaging Leo's computer. He's over 200 audio files on his hard drive. They're all 911 calls, and he's the operator.","Ryan: Leo is an addict. The 911 calls are his drug. It's like an arsonist getting a job as a firefighter or a pedophile who becomes a teacher. Leo got his fix at work. Until he was fired a year ago, and he was cut off from his drug and had to find a new way to feed his addiction. The virus. Whoa, Krumitz, get-- come here. Is this what I think it is? That could be the original source code for the virus. Okay, we've got something. This computer connected to 26 bus routers at Port Authority at 11:00 p.m. last night. That's 26 patient zeros. This is not an experiment gone wrong. This was a calculated attack. No, Leo wanted to infect every corner of the city, and he wanted to do it fast.","Ramirez: 61 confirmed cases in New Jersey. 38 in Connecticut. And 23 in Upstate New York. Even with the news alerts and warnings, the virus has officially spread through the tristate area. Well, the good news is the infection rate should slow down in the less densely populated areas. Bad news? A complete quarantine looks impossible. And local precincts are overrun with emergency calls and hospitals are flooded with walk-ins. Some people are resorting to social media to announce their emergencies. Nelson, we need that antidote. How's it going? Krummy sent me the source code of the virus from Leo Finch's laptop. Now that I can see exactly how the virus is written, it shouldn't take long to write a code to counteract it. But the problem is how to push it to all the phones that need it. Yeah, a software update through the vendors will take days. Mm-hmm. Wait a minute. What about using something like the AMBER Alert, right? It sends push notifications to phones during child abductions. It's instant, it's regional. What do you think? I mean, AMBER Alerts are only designed to display alphanumeric text. You can't use them to push code. And there are regulations. I mean, FTC, DOJ, FEMA. Right. Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying it's impossible? I'm saying it's never been done before. Right. Well, there's a first time for everything. You-you two were black hats, weren't you? The best. Notorious. Okay, so you'll hack it, right? And I'll take full responsibility. Matter of fact, I will call Director Silver right now. Work on the FCC, DOJ part of this thing. All right, man said hack, let's hack. Look at this. A pair of pliers, some kind of metal pins and a bloody violin string. I think we may be looking at the murder weapon.","(screaming)","(both grunting)","All right, well, whatever Leo's endgame is, if he left two bodies upstairs and a murder weapon in the wall, it's a pretty safe bet he's not coming back here anytime soon. Guys, look at this. It looks like these three 911 recordings were Leo's favorites. They were played over a thousand times. And he even put them on a separate playlist. Here, listen to this.","Finch: 911, what's your emergency?","Man: My buddy, he fell! It's bad; it's-it's real bad! We need an ambulance! Sir, what's your location?","Man: Construction site at Lexington and 12th! I don't think he's conscious.","Finch: I'm dispatching paramedics now. Calm down and describe what you see.","Man: There's a lot of blood! He must've fallen 50 or 60 feet or something-- please hurry! There's blood all over his head! I'm pretty sure his legs are broken.","Finch: All right, be careful not to move him. Help is on the way. Is this from today? Uh, no. According to the metadata, this recording's from two years ago. But what's strange is that it happened at the same time of day as the construction incident. Scaffolding pins. There's traces of paint and rust in the grooves of the pliers.","What happened at that construction site this morning was no accident.","Man: All right, what do we got?","(creaking)","Help! Help! Play the next one.","Finch: 911, what's your emergency?","Woman: Please help. Someone just broke into my house. He's strangling my husband. I'm hiding in a closet.","Finch: Try to stay calm, ma'am. I'm showing your address as 754 Plymouth Way. Is that correct?","Woman: Yes, please hurry! I can hear him in the kitchen. Oh! I think my husband's dead.","Finch: Help is on the way.","Woman: Why is this taking so long? Why is no one coming? This is very similar to the scene upstairs. This is exactly what happened to Mary and Roger Ingram. This is also another old recording and it happened at the same time as the murders this morning, 6:23 a.m. Listening is a deeply immersive experience.","Finch: Sir, what's your location?","Man: Construction site at Lexington...","Ryan: Every time Leo listen to one of these recordings, he envisioned himself in the scene. We need an ambulance.","Ryan: First, he's a witness. ...can't tell if he's alive. There's blood everywhere and he's not moving.","Ryan: Then he's the victim. Please help. Someone just broke into my house. He's strangling my husband.","(creaks)","Ryan: Now, Leo's the killer.","(woman gasps)","No. No, no! He's recreating his greatest hits.","(woman screams)","Krumitz: Yeah, but what does the virus have to do with all this? And why today?","Ryan: It's the anniversary of the day he was fired.","Look, Leo is a sadist who's aroused by the sound of fear. The virus does everything that he needs. The dropped calls delay the emergency responders, which maximizes the victims' panic. Leo records the calls so he can enjoy them later. It's his version of a serial killer taking a trophy. Krumitz, didn't you say there were three recordings on that playlist?","Finch: 911, what's your emergency?","Boy: Help! He's stabbing him. He's stabbing my dad!","Finch: What's your name? Where are you?","Boy: Dylan. And I don't know where I am. We just... we left the game. It's an alley.","Finch: Help is on the way.","Boy: The man just left! I'm scared.","Finch: It's okay, Dylan. I need you to go to your dad Tell me what you see.","Boy: He's not moving!","(whimpering)","Leo mimicked the first two recordings on the playlist. And this recording is of a man being stabbed in an alley in front of his son. It happened at 8:53 at night. This is his next move. He's gonna kill again. We need to stop Leo Finch.","Mundo: Yeah, but how? There are thousands of alleys in New York City.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Okay, everybody, listen up. We're basically looking for a-an alley in a haystack. Leo's two copycat killings took place the same time of day as the original crimes, which means at approximately 8:53 tonight, somebody is gonna get stabbed. So let's get going on this. All right? We've got just over an hour to find this Leo Finch before he finds his next victim. D.B., I figured out what the three 911 calls on Leo's playlist all have in common. They all lasted over 20 minutes... almost three times longer than your average 911 call. The victims all died because Leo didn't dispatch the paramedics in time. So he orchestrated their deaths.","Nelson: Just spoke to the NYPD. They issued a BOLO for Leo. And I sent them the antidote. They'll push it to all cell phones in the area using AMBER Alerts. Right. So you guys figured out the, uh, alphanumeric problem, did you? We used a buffer overflow exploit, thank you very much.","Nelson: That's right. It'll flood the phones with a specific sequence of text to force the NYPD home page to pop up. Now, that home page will have a download for the antidote. Basically, we're geniuses. Exactly. Basically. Basically. Do me a favor, though, will you? Call NYPD back, tell them to display a photo of Leo Finch with the antidote. Might as well make the city our eyes and ears. Uh... yeah, uh... I think you should do that. Why is that? Might get a little pushback. Apparently, they've been chatting with my pal the mayor. Yeah, Nelson, this has nothing to do with your Stock Exchange hack, all right? Call them back, tell them to post the photo and the antidote. Come on, buddy. This is your hero moment. You got this, Nelson. Right, right. My hero moment. All right. I just talked to the police chief. He told me that you're using an AMBER Alert to send out an antidote written by Brody Nelson. That's correct. We'll have to verify that code before it goes out to the public. I've hired a private security firm. No, that's not necessary and we don't have the time. We are chasing a killer, here. I'm well aware of that, and I'm shocked that you would even trust a black hat with something this critical. I've heard about your unconventional tactics, Deputy Director, but this is inappropriate and dangerous. Mayor Cavanaugh, how many more lives are you willing to jeopardize? No one cares more about the citizens of this city than I do. That's why I'm here. Brody Nelson's antidote will save lives. Now, I could go over your head with this, but I'm not sure that you could weather the political embarrassment. If this goes sideways, it's on you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(indistinct chatter, phone chimes)","Ramirez: The public's responding to the AMBER Alert.","I've got multiple reports of Leo Finch at Madison and 140th. Pellham Park. That's Harlem. Yeah, but we've got several sightings on the east side. I mean, guy can't be in two places at once. Dopplegangers? No. No, we made a mistake. Uh... What do you mean? We sent the AMBER Alert to everyone.","Everyone.","Including Leo Finch. Yeah, okay, all right. Time to call Mom. Let's get Avery on the phone. Um, Avery. We're striking out here. It looks like Leo could be reporting false sightings. So what do you think? Let's review everything we know about Leo Finch. We know that he's meticulous about the details in his recreations. The boy in the third 911 call said that he and his dad were leaving a game.","Mundo: The police report said Mets tickets were found in the dad's jacket pocket. It was a baseball game. Yeah, but it's not baseball season.","Ryan: Well, let's concentrate on another sporting event. All right, here we go. I got hockey in Manhattan, basketball in Brooklyn.","Mundo: Which one fits our window? Both. Let's compare them with the BOLO locations. Okay, we've got six sightings of Leo around the arena in Manhattan, only one in Brooklyn.","Ryan: It's the hockey game. Which ends in 15 minutes.","Krumitz: The original stabbing took place in an alley two blocks away from the stadium. All right, how many alleys are there within that range of the arena? One second.","Ramirez: Three. All right, well, this is a guy that sticks to details, right? Let's pull up some old crime scene photos, see if we can narrow it down to one. Remember, Leo is a deviant audiophile. It isn't about what we see, it's about what we hear. Raven, pull up the original 911 recording of the alley stabbing. Isolate the background sound. Okay.","Finch: 911. What's your emergency?","Boy: Help, he's stabbing him! He's stabbing my dad!","Finch: What's your name? Stop. Go back.","(rumbling)","That's an elevated train. Pull up a subway map. Look for any trains near the arena that go above ground.","Ramirez: Got it, it's the alley between West 4th and Bleeker. Notify the arena. I'll have 'em redirect crowds away from that alley, have NYPD clear the streets. Let's go get Leo Finch.","(thunder crashing)","(siren chirps)","Mundo: It's over, Leo!","FBI!","We have you surrounded! Got a visual on Leo, he is armed. Drop the knife, Leo! Nobody's coming out of that arena. We've sealed the exits, we've cleared the streets. There's no one here for you to harm. So drop the knife. Drop it now. They're mine! They're mine! You can't take them! Do not take one more step. Give them back to me! They're all I have!","Mundo: Take one more step, and I will shoot!","Ryan: Stand down, Elijah. We confiscated his computer. He's talking about the recordings he had saved on it.","Mundo: He came here to kill someone. He came to satisfy an addiction. Leo's a junkie. He came to get a fix. We could still end this peacefully. Krumitz, pull up the third recording on Leo's playlist. We need to find a way to play it for Leo at the scene. Okay, the squad cars all have P.A. systems with bullhorns. Operator, this is Agent Daniel Krumitz. Connect me to dispatch.","Man: Hold your fire!","Krumitz: Officer, I need you to turn on your P.A. system.","Finch: 911. What's your emergency?","Boy: Help, he's stabbing him! He's stabbing my dad!","Finch: What's your name? Where are you?","Boy: Dylan, I don't know where I am. We just... we left the game. It's an alley.","Finch: Help is on the way.","Boy: The man just left. I'm scared.","Finch: Hey, Dylan, I need you to go to your dad. Tell me what you see.","Boy: He's not moving. He was going for his knife. Someone call 911. I've been hurt. I need help.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nice code, brother. Huh? You're gonna leave me hanging? My bad, bro. (scoffs) That's old news, Nelson.","Nelson: Yeah, but not to the mayor of New York City. I mean, all he saw was a black hat who brought down the stock exchange. (scoffs) It's like no matter what I do right, I can't shake what I did wrong. This is what pops up when I Google my name. Look at this.","Ryan: Hey, come on. You didn't have to come back to Washington. You could have stayed in New York. I know, but I was... I was a distraction. You had to go to bat for me. It's not like anything Mayor Cavanaugh said wasn't true. Really? You really took that eight million? Except for that, Krummy. Hey, we cleared you of that long ago. The fact remains you can't rewrite history, but you can make it. And that is exactly what you did today. Own that. You should be very proud of yourself. Thank you, Avery.","Krumitz: Eight million. Oh, my God. You can tell me. I won't tell anybody. Come on, you know where it is. Let's go get it right now. I didn't steal it. But I'm gonna find out who did. And when I do... I'm gonna put that b*st*rd in prison. Here, let me read this to you. Okay. \"I'm taking a chance, hoping this is still your number. I know it's been two years. But fingers crossed, and divorce in the rearview... Maybe\" Question mark. \"I'm at Le Petit Paris every night from 8:00 until they throw me out.\" And then she signs it: \"Foolish Heart.\" So you got a new phone and her new number, and whoever had that number before you was supposed to get that text. I-I know, I should have texted her right back when I got it, but I didn't, I-I waited. But then I figured, you know, she would assume that her text hadn't gone through, right? Mm-hmm. And maybe that was better than letting her know that I, you know, a complete stranger, knew that she'd... put herself out there. And I just didn't want to embarrass her. How do you know it's a her? Well, that's a good point. Okay, end of conversation. (laughs) No, wait a minute. You fantasized about who it would be, D.B. No, I didn't, no, I didn't. Yeah, you investigated it. No, I did not investigate. Yeah, you did. I called the restaurant. (gasps) See? That's all. I call... (laughs) They said that a rather attractive woman came there every night the same time. And I... I knew that she was roughly in my age group. Oh. \"Foolish Heart\"\" That's a reference to a Steve Perry song.","[SCENE_BREAK]","That's a rock star before your time. Anyway, this... the whole text, it just... you know, it seemed so brave and... and honest, and... I'm curious. You hijacked another man's text. Yes, I did.","(both laugh)","So you're gonna meet her at the restaurant, or what? No. No.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(indistinct chatter)","(sighs)","(inhales sharply)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(ice rattling)","Hi. Hi.","(chuckles): Forgive me for asking, but are-are you... here alone? Uh... I am. Yeah. Of course. Um... sorry, no, I don't mean of course, I mean... I have a confession to make. Oh, really? Shouldn't I know your name before we jump right into the serious stuff? Yes, yeah. Sorry. Uh, D.B. Greer. Nice to meet you. See, I, uh... I received this today, and... obviously, it was not meant for me. I should have texted you right back, but I didn't, and I'm sorry. Mmm. Yeah. Yeah, awkward. No, not for me. Because I didn't write that text.","(laughs): Really. You're kidding. Oh, boy. (sighs) So...","(laughing): Oh... Oh, man. Well, shame on her.","(laughs)","Soliciting men via text. So... can I buy you a drink? Really? Seems like you could use one. Shouldn't I know your last name before we... jump into the serious stuff? Greer Latimore. D.B. Russell. Nice to meet you. You, too. \u266a Foolish heart... So, uh... what do you do... Greer Latimore? Former Secret Service. Dabble in... private investigations. \u266a Foolish, foolish heart... Nuh-uh. Uh-huh. Oh, boy. What are you drinking? \u266a You've been wrong before... Something manly.","(laughs)","Okay. Tequila. Very manly. Yes, yes. \u266a Foolish, foolish heart... Excuse me."],"Show Title":"CSI Cyber","Episode Number":"02x12","Episode Title":"Going Viral","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Charmed_01x02.json","Recap":["Phoebe meets a photographer who turns out to be a demon who sucks the youth out of young women in order to remain young. While Phoebe is with him, Piper sees her friend Brittany Reynolds, who is now elderly and has a poor memory after being attacked by the photographer. Brittany recognizes the address of the photographer, allowing Prue and Piper to arrive in time to vanquish the demon named Javna and reverse the damage it had done."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Quake. Phoebe's walking through the crowd.]","Phoebe: Oops, sorry. (She walks over to Piper.)","Piper: I'm gonna kill him.","Phoebe: Who?","Piper: Chef Moore. He, of the phony accent, hires me and then quits to open his new place. Thank you very much.","Phoebe: I don't see any customers complaining.","Piper: Hello, I am not a restaurant tour. I'm a chef. I have no idea what I am doing. Are you wearing my dress?","(Britney comes up to them.)","Phoebe: Hey, Britney. Ooh, I love that tattoo.","Britney: Thanks.","Phoebe: I thought it was illegal to get them on your hand because of the veins.","Britney: In the States, yeah. I got it done in Tahiti. (She hands Piper some money.) Keep the change, Piper. I gotta jam.","Piper: Okay, say hi to Max.","Britney: Bye.","Piper: (to a waitress) Table nine please. (Phoebe sees a guy and has a premonition.) Now, back to my dress.","Phoebe: Okay, see that poster boy to your left? (Piper looks at him.) Just glance, don't be obvious.","Piper: I approve, who is he?","Phoebe: His name is Alec and he's about to come over and ask if he could by me a martini.","Piper: How do you know?","Phoebe: Let's just say I saw the age old problem of who approaches who. I had a little premonition.","Piper: What? Phoebe, you are not supposed to use your powers, we agreed.","Phoebe: No, you and Prue agreed. I abstained. Besides, it's not like I can control it, it just popped into my head.","Piper: That's the whole point. None of us can control our powers. That's what scares me. I could panic and freeze the entire restaurant.","Phoebe: Shh, here he comes.","(Alec walks over to Phoebe.)","Alec: I was just sitting over there wondering if I could buy you a martini or something.","Phoebe: Martini, hmm, imagine that. I would love one. It's Alec, right?","Alec: Yeah, how'd you know my name?","Phoebe: Wild guess. Do you wanna grab a table?","Alec: Yeah.","Piper: (to Phoebe) Prue is gonna be pissed.","Phoebe: News flash. Stop worrying, you'll get wrinkles.","[Cut to outside. Britney walks to her car. She gets in. She adjusts her rear vision mirror. She sees someone sitting in the back seat and she screams.]","[Scene: Andy's apartment. Andy is asleep in his bed. Prue's there sneaking around and putting her clothes on. Andy makes a noise and rolls over. His alarm clock beeps and she uses her power to throw is out the window. Prue leaves. Andy wakes up.]","Andy: Prue?","Opening Credits","[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper's watching TV and whisking some eggs. Prue comes in.]","Prue: Morning.","Piper: Morning.","Prue: What are you watching?","Piper: Nothing. (She turns off the TV.) Just a show.","Prue: About witches? Are you worried we're gonna be burnt at the stake?","Piper: Yeah, right. By the way, Andy called.","Prue: When?","Piper: While you were in the shower. Bad date?","Prue: No. No, no. Not at all. It was great. You know, dinner, movie, s*x.","Piper: Excuse me? On you're first date? You sleaze.","Prue: It wasn't exactly our first date, Piper.","Piper: High school doesn't count. That was last decade. Spill it. (Prue walks in the living room.) Ooh, that bad, huh?","Prue: No, actually that good. It was... well, we were naked. But that's not the point. I told myself that things would be different. That we would take it slow. It just shouldn't of happened, that's all.","(Phoebe comes down the stairs.)","Phoebe: What shouldn't of happened?","Piper: Prue slept with Andy.","Phoebe: Hello.","Prue: Thanks a lot, mouth.","Phoebe: Wait, you were gonna tell her but not me? Family meeting.","Prue: Speaking of last night. What time did you end up rolling in?","Phoebe: No, no, no. Do not change the subject.","Prue: Don't dodge the question.","Piper: It must of been at least after three.","(They walk in the solarium. Prue sits down.)","Phoebe: I must be still be in New York time.","Prue: Actually, that would make it later.","Piper: Or maybe you and Alec.","Prue: Who's Alec?","Piper: Some hottie she hit on in the restaurant.","Phoebe: Excuse me, where vision is history, he hit on me. Remember, the whole vision thing.","Prue: Vision thing? Please tell me you didn't use your powers.","(Phoebe doesn't say anything. Prue looks at Piper.)","Piper: Don't put me in the middle.","Prue: I'm not. You were born in the middle. Look, I thought that we agreed.","Phoebe: No, we didn't. You agreed. You laid down the law. There's a difference.","Prue: Phoebe, our powers aren't toys. We have to be careful or they can get us killed.","Piper: She's right. We don't want any warlocks finding us.","Phoebe: Look, it was just a lousy premonition, that's all. Nobody died. Besides, you guys can't control control your powers any better than I can. And F.Y.I. nothing happened last night. At least nothing I'm ashamed of.","Prue: There's another reason we have to be careful. Andy thinks someone's abducting women in our area.","Phoebe: Abducting women? What do you mean?","Prue: I mean warlocks aren't the only evil we have to watch out for. And F.Y.I. I'm not ashamed of anything.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Police station. Andy's looking at a picture of Brittany. He hands it to Morris. Max is there.]","Max: She didn't come home at all last night. That's not like Brittany, believe me.","Morris: Tell me, Max. What time did she leave to go to Quake?","Max: 8:30. She called around ten, said she was coming home. But I'm really worried.","Andy: Chances are she'll show up. Usually do. The best thing to do right now is to go home and see if she calls, alright. Will you do that?","Max: Yeah, thanks.","(Max leaves.)","Andy: Forth one this week.","Morris: Yeah, well, they can't just be disappearing into thin air. Do something to your hair?","Andy: At least we narrowed down his feeding pool to the area around the restaurant.","Morris: Yeah, well, better tell your sweetie to lock the door at night.","[Scene: Outside a church. Piper's sitting in her car. Someone knocks on the window. Piper gets a fright.]","Piper: Pastor Williams, you scared me.","Pastor Williams: I'm sorry. Aren't you a little early? Dropping off the unused food from the restaurant. I thought you weren't coming by until this afternoon.","Piper: I am. I mean, I'm coming back with everything.","Pastor Williams: Great. So what are you doing here now?","Piper: Nothing really. Just, uh, just thinking.","Pastor Williams: About?","Piper: Mary Esty.","Pastor Williams: Who?","Piper: It's just a stupid documentary I saw. By the way, is it true that evil beings can't go into a church without being... (She makes a noise and moved her hands to show they were hit by lightning. They laugh.)","Pastor Williams: Evil beings? You mean, like what? Vampires?","Piper: Vampires, no. I was thinking more on the lines of witches.","Pastor Williams: Witches, huh? Let me out it to you this way. I sure wouldn't wanna risk it. I gotta go. I'll see you later?","Piper: Yeah, right, absolutely. (He leaves. Piper gets out of her car and walks over to the door. Just as she's about to grab the handle, there's a crack of thunder and she runs away.)","[Scene: Bucklands. Prue's running towards an elevator.]","Prue: Hold the door. (She runs in the elevator and drops her briefcase. Everything falls out of it.) Damn it. Rex, can you push twelve please? (He does so.)","Rex: Here let me help. (He bends down and picks up some papers.) Eighteenth century French art. Do you work in the auction house upstairs?","Prue: No, just interviewing, if I ever get there in time. Don't let me get my King Louies' mixed up. (Prue's phone rings. She answers it.) Hello? Uh, Andy, how did you get this number?","Andy: Prue, I think we should talk.","Prue: Yeah, it's just that I'm really late for this interview.","Andy: I didn't mean for what happened last night to happen, Prue. You have to know that, Prue.","Prue: Of course I'm you know, totally wrong for it anyway, stuffy old auction house. I don't even know why you called.","Andy: Come on, Prue. Listen to me. We've known each other for a long time. We just couldn't help ourselves. It's nothing to be ashamed of.","Prue: I know, Andy.","Andy: All we did was make love.","Prue: I know, Andy.","Andy: Talk to me, help me out here, Prue. Why'd you sneak out like that?","Prue: I did not sneak out. Right, you were asleep. I didn't want to wake you. And I did write, you know, I just didn't leave it. (The phone crackles.) Hello? Hello? (She hangs up. The door on the elevator starts to open but Prue uses her power to make it close.)","Guy: Hey, it missed my floor.","(Prue uses her power so it misses everyone else's floor and it goes straight to floor twelve.)","Rex: That was strange. Lucky you, huh?","(The door opens.)","Prue: Yeah, I'm charmed alright.","[Scene: Quake. Phoebe hands a menu to a guy. There's a woman sitting next to him.]","Phoebe: He you go.","Stefan: Thank you.","Phoebe: Excuse me, but aren't you Stefan?","Stefan: Yes. I'm sorry, do we know each other?","Phoebe: Oh, highly doubtful. I'm just familiar with your work. Like everyone else in the world.","Stefan: Well, I don't know about that. Well, I'll take a compliment from a gorgeous woman.","Phoebe: I'm sure your girlfriend must appreciate that.","Stefan: (whispering) She's not my girlfriend.","Phoebe: (whispering) Then why are you whispering?","Woman: Excuse me. (She leaves.)","Phoebe: Ooh, ooh, okay. Well, it was really nice meeting you.","Stefan: You too. Listen, listen. I'm in town for a couple of days doing a Porsche shoot. If you're interested, stop by. I would love to photograph you. You do model don't you?","Phoebe: In my dreams, yeah.","(He writes down the address and gives it to her. She smiles and walks away. Piper comes up to her.)","Piper: A driver just called in sick. Can you do a quick delivery?","Phoebe: Sure. Is that guy at the bar staring at me?","Piper: There are a lot of guys at the bar staring at you.","Phoebe: The one at the far end. Tall, dark, brooding, very New York.","Piper: Sorry, no.","(Phoebe looks over and Stefan is gone.)","[Scene: Bucklands. Prue and a woman are walking towards an office.]","Woman: He's seen your resume and is very impressed. I gotta tell you, it's already blown out six other applicants.","Prue: I still don't know why he's interested. I never even applied.","Woman: He likes what you did at the museum. Even though your ex-boss trashed you. What's Roger got against you anyway?","Prue: Hard to say. Unless shattering his ego counts for something. He's also my ex-fianc\u00e9.","Woman: Got it. You ready?","Prue: Yeah.","(They walk in the office. Rex is there.)","Woman: Rex Buckland, this is Prue Halliwell. Interviewing for the new specialist.","Rex: Actually we've already met. Welcome to my stuffy auction house.","[Scene: Stefan's photography place. There is a woman tied to a table.]","Woman: Please, don't hurt me. Let me go. Please, Stefan.","(Stefan walks up to her and you see he is really old.)","Stefan: It's Javna.","(His eyes glow and a really bright light comes out of his eyes and goes into hers. She screams and she turns into an old woman. Stefan then turns young again.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Bucklands. Rex's office. He's interviewing Prue.]","Rex: How many divisions did you correct?","Prue: Seven, including the colonist estate. It should be on my resume.","Rex: Franklin Carlton. That's quite a coup.","Prue: Well, I tend to be on the persistent side. I usually get what I want.","Rex: A no doubter. It's a shame though that you think you're... how did you put it in the elevator? Totally wrong for the job.","Prue: That was a private phone conversation.","Rex: Hardly.","Prue: You called me, remember. Not the other way around. And while we're at it, I think it's incredibly unfair that you eavesdrop on a private call and then you judge me based entirely on what you thought you heard.","Rex: I apologize. It was unfair of me. I'm new of all this. I've only just taken over the house from my father, so I'm very protective of it. But knowing that, what you did at the museum, attracting the younger market, it's totally consistent of what I want to do there. It's just when all these qualifications are signed, It's very important to me that whoever I hire, truly wants to be here. (The intercom beeps.) Yep.","Secretary's voice: Excuse me, Mr. Buckland. Your next interview is waiting. Should I reschedule him?","Rex: No, I think we're done here.","Prue: Well, thanks for your time. (She walks over to the door, stops and turns around.) My area of expertise ranges from Ming Dynasty to a Mark McGuire ricky baseball card. You name it - I can identify it. Now, I may not of solved this job originally, but I do want it. And I am definitely right for it.","[Scene: The Church. Phoebe and Piper get out of the Quake van.]","Phoebe: You would think after last night, Prue would be a lot mellower. I mean, how long had it been? Six months? Which is worse.","Piper: It's just so un-Prue like to have s*x on the first date. I mean, everything's changing since we've become... you know.","(They start getting the stuff out of the back of the van.)","Phoebe: Come on, you've never had s*x on the first date?","Piper: No, have you? Don't answer that.","Phoebe: Well, it's not a regular thing. Of course now that I'm a witch I can see if it's gonna be any good or not before it actually... (She notices an elderly man standing next to her. She hands him a tray.) Hi. (He walks away.)","Piper: What's the matter with you? Are you outta your mind?","Phoebe: Come on, it's not like he took me literally.","Piper: You don't know that, he could of. I just think we need to be extra careful. In bed and out.","Pheobe: Okay, well there's careful and then there's paranoid. Do you wanna talk about it?","Piper: Talk about what?","(Pastor Williams comes up to them.)","Pastor Williams: Hey, Phoebe, I didn't know you were back in town.","Phoebe: Hey.","(They hug.)","Pastor Williams: Say goodbye to the Big Apple did you?","Phoebe: Oh, I ate the worm. Hey, I'm gonna go get some gum. Do you guys want anything?","Pastor Williams: No thanks.","(Piper shakes her head.)","Phoebe: Okay, good to see you.","Pastor Williams: You too.","(Phoebe walks away.)","Piper: Okay, here's the deal. I got this friend. Has a little problem. Could be bad. Not quite sure what to tell her.","Pastor Williams: You wanna go inside?","Piper: No. I mean, I've gotta get going.","Pastor Williams: So what's the problem?","Piper: Well, she kinda, sort of thinks she might be a witch.","Pastor Williams: Witches again, huh?","Piper: Not a good thing is it?","Pastor Williams: Certainly not a question I get everyday. How well do you remember Sunday school lessons? I suggest 22:18. Thou shall not suffer a witch to live.","Piper: Meaning...","Pastor Williams: If you go by the old school, it means put her to death. She's evil.","[Cut to Phoebe. She's at the store. She grabs a magazine and some gum and walks up to the counter.]","Phoebe: Here you go.","Guy: $3.52.","Elderly man: Should be used on grandchildren's birthdays. (He's holding a lottery ticket. Phoebe looks over at him.) It's a ten million dollar jackpot. Who knows? I mean, today may be our lucky day. If not, we're gonna lose our house.","(Phoebe touches a lottery ticket and she has a premonition of the lottery numbers.)","Phoebe: 4, 16, 19, 30, 32 and 40. Those are the winning numbers.","Guy: Yeah, yeah, right lady. You want this stuff or don't you?","Phoebe: (to the elderly man) 4, 16, 19, 30, 32 and 40. Trust me, Mr. Today is your lucky day. I think I'll buy one of these lottery tickets too.","[Cut back to the church. Piper's waiting in the car. Phoebe gets in with a smile on her face.]","Phoebe: Ready? Let's go.","Piper: What are you smiling about?","Phoebe: Nothing.","[Scene: Outside Quake. Morris and Andy are sitting in the car.]","Andy: What do you want me to say? This does not feel right to me about this, I can't help it.","Morris: Here we go again.","Andy: I mean, where are they, alright? What's this guy doing to these poor women?","Morris: Thinking alien abduction are ya?","Andy: I'm serious, Morris.","Morris: I know, that's what scares me. Let me guess, favourite movie when growing up - Ghostbusters? Look, we got a crazy, Trudeau. Likes the pretty ladies. That's it, the end. If he goes back looking make the world a safer place. That too hard to follow?","Andy: Evil dead II. Favourite movie growing up. Just for the record.","(Andy sees Prue get out of her car.)","Morris: Bank across the street, I think we should grab the ATM tapes and see if... (Andy gets out of the car.) Whoa, whoa, where are going? No, no, forget it Romeo. You're not blowing our cover.","Andy: Come on, Morris. Cut me some slack. I have to talk to her. Please? Five minutes, that's all I need.","[Cut inside Quake. Prue walks up to Piper.]","Piper: Cindy, come on, your salmon's up. Hector, way behind. We need clean plates.","Prue: You didn't give Andy my cell phone number by any chance did you?","Piper: No, why?","Prue: Never mind.","Piper: Remind me I wanted to do this for a living, right?","Prue: Looks like you're not the only one of us who's going to be doing anything for a living. Look how bad my interview went.","Piper: I can't imagine you were less then stellar.","(Prue notices Phoebe sitting at a table with Stefan.)","Prue: What's Phoebe doing here?","Piper: Flirting.","Prue: Yeah, and she's wearing Armani. Where did she get that?","Piper: Not from my closet. I gotta go.","(She walks away. Prue walks up to Phoebe.)","Phoebe: Prue, hi. This is my other sister. Prue, this is Stefan the photographer.","Stefan: Pleasure.","Prue: Likewise. (They shake hands.) Nice dress.","Phoebe: Don't worry, it's not yours.","Prue: I know. I could never afford it.","Phoebe: Will you excuse me for one minute? I'll be right back.","(Phoebe and Prue walk away. Stefan looks at his hand and it's turning really old.)","[Cut to the kitchen. Prue and Phoebe walk in.]","Prue: How are you gonna pay for that? You're broke.","Phoebe: Not for long.","Prue: What does that mean? You didn't use your powers again?","Phoebe: Maybe. Are you telling me you haven't?","Prue: No, I'm not telling you that but we're not talking about me are we?","(Piper comes up to them.)","Piper: What are you guys doing in here?","Phoebe: Same thing we do at home.","Prue: What, did you go to the tracks, play the market, what?","Phoebe: The lottery.","Piper: Phoebe!","Phoebe: What did you want me to do? Ignore the premonition? Not help a needy family. That's what we're supposed to do, right?","Prue: No, we are not supposed to use our powers for our own personal gain. That's what it says in the Book Of Shadows.","Piper: Not so loud.","Phoebe: You said we needed money, right? We'll I'm getting some.","Piper: Come on, you guys.","Prue: Well, get a job like everybody else.","Phoebe: I'm using my mind instead.","(Andy enters the kitchen.)","Andy: Prue?","(Andy bumps into a guy holding plates.)","Piper: Watch it! (Piper freezes everyone and the plates before they hit the ground.) Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, not again.","Prue: Now look what you've done.","Phoebe: This is my fault?","Piper: You guys aren't freezing?","Phoebe: I guess it doesn't work on witches. Piper, how long does it last?","(Prue looks outside the kitchen and sees that no one is frozen.)","Piper: I don't know, not long.","Prue: Uh, it doesn't work out there either.","Piper: Oh, tell me this isn't happening.","[Cut to outside the kitchen. Morris walks in.]","[Cut back in the kitchen.]","Phoebe: Calm down, it's okay. It's all gonna be okay.","(Prue looks outside again and notices Morris walking towards the kitchen.)","Prue: Oh, God, Andy's partner just came in and he's headed this way.","Piper: What are we gonna do?","Phoebe: Stall him.","(Prue runs out of the kitchen.)","Prue: Hey, Inspector Morris, right?","Morris: That's right. Is Trudeau in there?","Prue: Uh, Andy? I don't know is he?","[Cut back in the kitchen. Phoebe's fanning Piper with a menu.]","Phoebe: Okay, breathe, Piper, breathe.","(Just as Morris opens the door, everyone unfreezes and the plates fall on the floor and break.)","Andy: I really think we should... (He notices Morris there.) talk. What are you doing here? I thought I had five minutes.","Morris: Yeah, I gave you ten.","Piper: Guys, you know, we're really busy in here.","Andy: Yeah, sure.","Prue: Uh, I'll call you later, I promise.","Andy: Okay.","Phoebe: Bye.","(They leave.)","Piper: I hate being a witch.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper's looking in the Book Of Shadows. Phoebe walks in.]","Phoebe: Hey, what are you doing?","Piper: Reading. Thinking.","Phoebe: About what?","Piper: About how totally screwed we are now that we're witches.","Phoebe: Oh, that.","Piper: You don't understand, you don't think we are. You're never afraid of anything. I envy that about you, I always have.","Phoebe: Yeah, well, don't because it gets me in trouble sometimes. Piper, talk to me.","Piper: I don't know, it's like our whole lives have been like everybody else. Rushing off to work, going out on bad dates, buying shoes and suddenly we wake up one day and everything is different. We're witches now. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.","Phoebe: Are you kidding? It's a great thing.","Piper: You don't know that. We don't know anything about these powers. Why we have them, what they mean, where they come from. I mean, how do we know it's not... how do we know it's not from evil?","Phoebe: Piper, we've been through this. We're good witches.","Piper: What about Jeremy? What about all the other warlocks he said would be coming after us. How do we know we're not just like them? That is what scares me. We don't know. I just wanna be normal again. As messed up as that was. Is that too much to ask for?","Phoebe: Piper, listen to me. You are the most sweetest, most caring person I've ever met. No, I mean that, you are. You're always there to help anybody, even strangers. You've been doing it your whole life. So there's no way you've been given this, this gift if it wasn't to do good things with it. To protect the innocent just like the Book Of Shadows said. Besides, if anyone is concerned of being bad, it's me, right? (Piper laughs) You've got nothing to be afraid of. I am going to get my picture taken.","(She does a little pose. Piper laughs.)","[Scene: At a restaurant. Prue and Andy are sitting at a table. A waitress places two cups of coffee on the table.]","Andy: Thanks.","Prue: (in unison with Andy) Uh, Andy.","Andy: (in unison with Prue) Look, Prue.","Prue\/Andy: (in unison with Andy) You go first. (in unison with Prue) Go ahead.","Andy: I'm not sorry it happened, Prue.","Prue: Well, I have to be honest with you, Andy, I am. I mean, not because I didn't enjoy it, I did. Especially the, um...","Andy: Yeah, that was great.","Prue: And of course so was the, uh...","Andy: That was nice too.","Prue: Yeah, but, you know, that's not the point, it's... I haven't seen you in almost seven years. Just starting right back where we left off is...","Andy: I know, I know, believe me. I just wanna know why you left, that's all. Why can't you tell me? What's the big secret?","Prue: Believe me, you don't wanna know.","Andy: Try me.","Prue: Well, my life, it's gotten a little complicated and I just don't think that I should get involved in anything right now.","Andy: Prue, we had s*x. It doesn't mean we have to elope. Okay, about this, why don't we just pretend it never happened?","Prue: Do you want me to toss you a life preserve now, or just let you sink on your own?","(Andy laughs.)","Andy: No, no, I'm serious. Why don't you just count that one as part of our old relationship and we'll slow down, we'll start another. Prue, we've been given a second chance here, I don't wanna blow it this time. (Prue's phone rings and Andy's pager beeps.) Dating in the nineties.","Prue: Excuse me. Hello? Uh, yeah, absolutely, I'm sure I can make that. Okay, thanks. (She hangs up.) Uh, just give me a little time to think things over, okay?","(She leaves.)","[Scene: Outside the church. Piper's sitting in her car.]","Piper: I have nothing to be afraid of. I have nothing to be afraid of. (She gets out of her car and walks over to the church door. She holds onto the handle and pulls it open. She pokes her foot inside to make sure nothing happens. She steps inside and smiles.) I'm good! (She walks back down the stairs and Britney's there as an old woman. Piper looks at her and then her hand and sees the tattoo on it.) Britney?","Britney: You know me? Is that my name?","[Scene: Bucklands. Outside Rex's office. Prue's there.]","Rex: Prue, thank you for coming back.","Prue: Well, thanks for having me back, although I must admit I didn't expect it.","Rex: I told you I was interested and I am. But first of all I decided to test your expertise if you don't mind. See how good you really are. (They walk down the hallway.) This is Hannah Webster, one of our assistant specialists. This is Prue Halliwell.","(They shake hands.)","Prue: Nice to meet you.","Rex: Please, tell us about this piece.","(They show her a painting.)","Prue: Well, Madonna of Meadow, Giovanni Berlini, 16th century, fabulous piece. Worth 3, 4 million dollars easily if it wasn't a copy.","Hannah: What makes you think it's a copy?","Prue: Too well preserved, no yellowing. Besides, the frame support is in pine and Italian painters used poplar back then.","Rex: Um, what about this one?","Prue: Daygar. Actually, this was the only sculpture he exhibited himself.","(Hannah knocks a ladder and a tin of paint falls above Prue.)","Rex: Watch out! (Prue puts her hands up to block the paint and she accidentally uses her power and the paint moves and misses her.) Are you okay?","Prue: Uh, uh, yeah, yeah, I'm okay.","Rex: You sure? I'm sorry, I can't believe that happened.","Prue: It's okay.","Rex: Well, uh, I really don't know what to say, except you're hired, if you still want the job.","Prue: Are you serious?","Rex: Can you start Monday?","Prue: Yeah, absolutely.","Rex: Terrific. It's done then. Yeah, we can sort out the details when you come in. In the mean time, welcome aboard.","Prue: Thanks. Bye.","(Prue walks away.)","Rex: Well, what do you think?","Hannah: I think she's either the luckiest woman alive or she's a witch.","[Scene: Manor. Prue enters.]","Prue: Piper? Phoebe? Guess what?","(Britney walks in the foyer.)","Britney: What?","(Piper walks in holding a bowl.)","Piper: Prue, thank God you're home.","Prue: Yeah, who, uh...","Piper: Here you go, Britney. (She hands her the bowl.) Why don't you go sit down at the table, okay? There you go.","(Britney walks over to the table.)","Prue: Um, sorry, Britney?","Piper: You're not gonna believe this. I'm not sure I do. I think... no, I know, this woman is Britney Reynolds.","Prue: Yeah, right, Piper and I'm Rosey O'Donnell.","Piper: No, I mean it. Britney had a tattoo, right? An angel on her right hand, remember?","(Prue looks over at Britney and notices the tattoo.)","Prue: That can't be.","Piper: That's what I thought at first but then I started asking her some questions. Things only Britney would know. She may be senile but it was enough to convince me.","[Scene: Stefan's photography place. Phoebe arrives in the van. She gets out holding a dress. She walks over and knocks on the door.]","Phoebe: Stefan, it's me, Phoebe.","(Phoebe touches the door handle and has a premonition of herself tied to a table and Javna's there. His eyes start glowing. The premonition ends. Phoebe runs back to her car and she gets in. Someone grabs her from the backseat.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue and Phoebe walk over to the Book Of Shadows.]","Prue: Piper, what are you talking about?","Piper: I'm telling you. I saw something about it in the Book Of Shadows. (She starts flipping through the book. She finds the page.) Okay, look, see? Javna feeds one week out of every year, stealing the life force from the young.","Prue: By evoking the black magic power, the evil eye to sustain eternal youth.","Piper: It's gotta be what happened to Britney.","Prue: Yeah, but there must be some kind of incantation to reverse it.","Piper: There is. \"The hand of fatima.\" It says that the Prophet Mohammad centuries ago to banish Javna back to where ever the hell he came from.","Prue: Yeah, well, the problem is we don't know who Javna is, let alone where he is.","[Cut to downstairs. Britney sees the address of Stefan's photograph place and she faints.]","[Cut back to the attic. Prue and Piper hear her.]","Piper: Britney? (They run downstairs to Britney.) Oh my God, what happened?","Prue: Britney, are you alright?","Piper: I'll call 911.","Prue: And tell them what? That she's dying of old age at 25? (Piper picks up the napkin that the address is on.) What is it?","Piper: It's a cocktail napkin from my restaurant. With Stefan's address on the back.","Britney: Javna.","Piper: Prue, that's where Phoebe went.","[Scene: Police station. Andy and Morris are looking at security tapes.]","Morris: Look at this. ATM tape caught the first victim.","Andy: And she's leaving with that photographer, Stefan.","Morris: ----- was the last place she was seen before she disappeared. Is he on a suspect list?","Andy: Just moved to the top.","Morris: God bless ATM's.","[Scene: Stefan's photography place. Phoebe is tied to a table.]","Phoebe: Wait, Stefan or whoever you are, let me go.","Javna: It's Javna.","(Javna's eyes glow and Phoebe screams.)","[Cut to outside. Prue and Piper pull up in the car. They run up to the van.]","Prue: Do you see anything?","Piper: No. Prue...","Prue: Look, we'll find her.","Piper: Maybe we should call the police.","Prue: No, if Javna has her then we're the only ones who can stop him.","Piper: But we need Phoebe to do it. The incantation only work with the three of us.","(They hear Phoebe scream.)","[Cut to inside A bright light comes out of Javna's eyes into Phoebe's. Piper and Prue come in. Prue uses her power and throws Javna across the room. The bright light then goes into Prue's eyes. Piper unties Phoebe.]","Piper: Phoebe, we don't have a lot of time, okay?","Phoebe: Prue, grab the mirror.","(Prue grabs a mirror and puts it in front of her face and reflects the light back into Javna's eyes. Prue gets the spell and they start chanting.)","Prue: Now.","Prue, Piper, Phoebe: \"Evil eyes look unto thee, may they soon extinguished be, bend they will to the power of three, eye of earth, evil and accursed.\"","(They repeat it. Javna turns into a skeleton and then into dust and disappears.)","[Cut to the manor. Britney turns young again.]","[Cut back to Prue, Piper and Phoebe.]","Phoebe: Very cool.","(They go outside and the police are there.)","Andy: Prue? What are you doing here?","Prue: Well, we were just trying to get the van started.","Piper: Yeah, Phoebe called. She was having car troubles.","Phoebe: Stefan was gonna take some pictures of me.","Andy: Do you have any idea how lucky you are? This guy's a stalker.","Morris: No sign of him inside. He's car's here so he might still be around.","Andy: Excuse me.","(Andy reaches in the car and starts it.)","Piper: Hey, how about that. You fixed it.","Andy: How about that.","Phoebe: Maybe we should go.","(Phoebe and Prue walk away.)","Prue: Uh, thanks. Call me?","Andy: Sure.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Quake. Phoebe walks in.]","Phoebe: Whoops, excuse me. (She walks up to a woman.) Hey, how are you? (The woman looks at her strangely. She goes over to Prue and Piper.)","Piper: Do you know that girl?","Phoebe: I almost was that girl. She was one of Stefan's victims. Obviously doesn't remember.","Prue: Lucky her.","Phoebe: No, lucky me. I learned my lesson. I have got to be more careful.","Prue: Excuse me, did I just hear it? Did she actually admit to doing something wrong?","Piper: That's what I heard.","Phoebe: Frame it. It won't happen again.","Piper: At least we helped those people. I mean, it's nice we know our powers really are good.","Prue: Yeah, good for everything but love lives unfortunately. Although I must admit they do come in handy once in a while.","Phoebe: Uh huh. Hypocrite. (Phoebe sees the lottery numbers come up on the TV screen.) The winning numbers. I've won. (Prue gives her a look.) Well, I did.","(She gets the ticket out of her purse and the numbers disappear.)","Prue: See, I told you. You can't intentionally use your powers for your own personal gain, remember?","Phoebe: It's a good thing I didn't take the tags off that dress. Oh, well. At least those old couples didn't lose their house.","Piper: A toast to the power of three. Whether we like it or not."],"Show Title":"Charmed","Episode Number":"01x02","Episode Title":"I've Got You Under My Skin","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Charmed_01x12.json","Recap":["When Piper's car breaks down, she is attacked by a vicious werewolf-like beast that they later find out is called a Wendigo . Piper is saved by a man named Billy, but she starts to turn into a Wendigo since she was scratched by the one that attacked her. The Wendigo turns out to be FBI agent Ashley Fallon, who had apparently been tracking the beast. Fallon kills Billy and tries to kill Andy, but Prue and Phoebe go after her with a flare gun as fire is the Wendigo's weakness. Piper shows up as well and they nearly accidentally vanquish her instead, but she freezes the flare and Prue sends it into Fallon, killing her and curing Piper."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Near the park. Piper's car has broken down and she's talking to Phoebe on her phone.]","Piper: Of course I know what a jack is, Phoebe. I just don't know how to use it. It's not like I've ever got a flat tyre before. I mean, this doesn't happen to me everyday.","Phoebe: Piper, relax. I used to date a mechanic. I will walk you through it. Okay, you put the jack under the jeep and then you put the handle in the base and ratchet it up and down. Okay, it's very easy.","Piper: Handle I don't think I've got a handle. Wait, there's a long wooden spoon in the back.","[Cut to Phoebe and Prue. They're in Quake.]","Phoebe: That's not gonna work. (to Prue) She's looking for a long wooden spoon.","[Cut back to Piper. She finds the spoon.]","Piper: Okay, okay. (She sticks it in the jack and the spoon breaks.) Oh! It didn't work.","Phoebe: Okay, stay there and we'll come get you.","Piper: No, I can do it, I can figure it out.","Phoebe: Piper, you're stranded and you're all alone and the only thing you have to protect yourself with is a wooden spoon that's broken.","Piper: And I have the power to freeze. I'm fine, it's better that mace. Okay, I gotta go before my battery dies. I gotta call the auto club. I'll meet you there in a little bit.","Phoebe: Piper, wait. (Piper hangs up.) Hello? (to Prue) She is out of her mind.","Prue: Alright, we'll give her 15 minutes, then call back.","Phoebe: Okay.","Prue: Okay.","[Cut back to Piper. She's calling the auto club.]","Operator: Directory assistance. What city please?","Piper: San Francisco. Auto club please.","(You see something lurking in the bushes.)","[Cut back to Prue and Phoebe.]","Phoebe: Now, back to what we were talking about. What do you think?","Prue: Well, I think it's a good idea.","Phoebe: Great.","Prue: And I thing it's a bad idea.","Phoebe: How? How's it a bad idea? You need extra help for the auction and I need a job.","Prue: Well, not only are we family but we live together and I don't think that my wardrobe can take the assault of your daily needs.","Phoebe: Okay, I'm great with phones, better with people and very computer friendly and with a pay cheque, I could purchase new clothes. So by hiring me, you'd actually be expanding your wardrobe not decreasing it. And I'd be eternally grateful.","Prue: You really wanna work at Bucklands?","Phoebe: When opportunity knocks, I answer the door.","Prue: The job is very demanding. Auctions can be stressful.","Phoebe: I love a challenge.","Prue: They're pretty long hours.","Phoebe: Overtime is my friend. Ooh, plus, I just thought of something else. With my premonitions, I might just be able to get you the straight dope without a trip to the office water cooler.","Prue: Don't push it.","Phoebe: Right. So, what do you think?","Prue: Can you start tomorrow?","Phoebe: Yes. Hey, can you give me a ride?","[Cut back to Piper. Her phone is crackling.]","Piper: Hello? Oh, great. (She looks around and sees a phone box.) No problem. For I bear the power of one. (She starts walking over to the phone. She hears some twigs break. She stops and looks around. She continues walking and hears leaves crunching. She stops again and looks around. She then sees a large, hairy creature in the bushes and she runs into the phone box. She starts dialing the phone. The creature starts hitting the phone box and Piper starts screaming. It knocks over the box and then she lays there waiting for something to happen and all of a sudden it puts its hand through the glass and scratches her on the arm. A guy with a flare gun appears and shoots it at the creature. It gets scared and runs back into the bushes. The guy runs over to Piper.)","Guy: Everything's gonna be okay.","Opening Credits","[Scene: The hospital. Prue and Phoebe walk up to reception.]","Phoebe: Uh, Piper Halliwell.","(Andy's there.)","Andy: Prue, Phoebe.","Prue: Andy, thanks for calling us.","Andy: Hey, she's like my sister too. She's in here.","(They walk in a room. A doctor is putting a bandage on her arm.)","Piper: Oh my God, that's a lot of blood.","Prue: Hey, sweetie.","Phoebe: Oh my God! Are you okay?","Piper: Yeah, I'm fine. (to the doctor.) If I pass out and I need a transfusion, I'm AB negative. It's very rare, it could be a problem.","Andy: Try not to look at it. Just so you know, I'm AB neg. too. Must have looked for the perfect donor.","Prue: Um, so no stitches?","Doctor: No. It's not that deep.","Piper: Ow.","Doctor: Follow up with your doctor in the morning though. Keep it dry, a little aspirin for the pain, you'll be fine.","Piper: Easy for you to say.","Doctor: You're all set. Just sign this.","Prue: Oh, I got it.","(Prue takes the forms.)","Phoebe: Come here, baby. (Everyone leaves the room. Phoebe puts her arm around Piper and they walk out the room too.) I don't understand, why didn't you just freeze him?","Piper: I was trapped in a phone booth. My power doesn't work outside the room I'm in remember.","Phoebe: Oh, right.","(Piper sees the guy that had the flare gun there.)","Piper: Oh my God, Billy.","Billy: How are you?","Piper: Billy. This is Billy. He saved my life.","Billy: Yeah, I'm just glad I got there in time.","Andy: Yeah, I'd like to talk to you about that. Along with that flare gun you just happened to show up with.","(Billy gets out a cigarette and goes to light it.)","Prue: Oh! Oh! (She blows out the lighter.) I don't think that you can smoke in here.","Billy: Oh, right. Look, it's no coincidence, I was there Inspector. I heard about the murder last night. The creature","Andy: The creature?","Billy: That's right.","Piper: Creature absolutely.","(Agent Fallon walks in.)","Agent Fallon: Describe it. Billy, what are you doing here?","Billy: Same thing you are. Hunting that thing.","Andy: Piper, Prue, Phoebe Halliwell - Special Agent Fallon of the FBI.","Phoebe: FBI. Cool.","Piper: Describe it? Oh, okay, big, scary, strong. Kind of like a cross between a werewolf and Charles Manson.","Fallon: Yellow eyes?","Piper: Yes.","Fallon: Talon-like hands?","Piper: Uh huh.","Fallon: Can I talk to you, Inspector? (Andy nods. They walk away from them.) Miss Halliwell is the first one to survive and attack.","Andy: One like that poor guy we found last night with his heart ripped out of his chest.","Fallon: Just like the killings in Chicago, New Orleans.","Andy: Yeah, I've sent for the Coroner's reports.","Fallon: Why? I think it's pretty obvious this case is out of your league, Inspector. On the bright side, you don't want it.","Andy: Why is that?","Fallon: This witness collaborates with every other statement. According to their descriptions, this ----- not animal or human. You didn't blink, I was expecting a response.","Andy: Just tell me what I'm looking for.","Fallon: You believe them? That it's not human?","Andy: Let's just say that recent experiences have taught me to keep an open mind.","[Cut back to Piper, Phoebe, Prue and Billy.]","Phoebe: Hmm, cozy aren't they?","Prue: Billy, how did you know to use a flare gun?","Billy: It's afraid of fire.","Prue: How'd you figure that out?","Billy: When it attacked us, me and my fianc\u00e9e, Laura, we were camping at Lake Michigan and I grabbed a log from the fire, it freaked and took off. But, um, not before it ripped Laura's heart out. It might as well taken mine too. I came here to kill it.","[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper's sitting at the table looking through the Book of Shadows. Prue's there as well.]","Piper: If that thing last night wasn't demonic, I don't know what is.","Prue: It's not your fight, Piper. Just let Andy and that FBI agent handle it, okay.","Piper: Can't. That thing tried to kill me. Besides, I was meant to be involved in this, I know that. It's no coincidence I got that flat.","(Oatmeal boils on the stove and Prue uses her power to turn the knob and it stops boiling. She walks over to it and puts some in a bowl. Phoebe walks in wearing a suit. She clears her throat.)","Piper: Nice outfit.","Prue: Very corporate.","Phoebe: Yeah, well, I have to impress my new boss. Hey, how's the arm?","Piper: Itches.","Prue: Piper, you have got to the doctor. It could be infected.","Piper: It's not. It's fine.","Prue: Here. (She puts the bowl on the table.)","Phoebe: Listen you, while we're at work whoa, head rush. While we're at work. Don't even think about going after that thing alone.","Prue: Wait, there's no reason to go after it at all. The only innocent to protect here is Piper.","Piper: I thought I was gonna die last night. I was totally helpless and all I could think about is I was never gonna see you guys again. And then suddenly out of nowhere comes Billy. Saved me. Protected me. That thing took away the person he loved and he's out there all alone trying to kill it. I can't just do nothing.","Prue: Just don't do anything unless we're together okay. Promise?","Piper: Okay.","Prue: (to Phoebe) I'll meet you outside.","Phoebe: I'll be right there. (Prue leaves.) Okay, I'm freaking, I'm freaking.","Piper: Why are you freaking?","Phoebe: Because I convinced Prue to hire me and what if I disappoint her or what if I screw up and make her look bad. There's a reason my resume is only three sentences long, Piper.","Piper: Stop. You're one of the smartest people I know. I'm sure you'll do great.","Phoebe: You really mean that?","Piper: Yes I do.","Phoebe: That makes me feel so much better. Thank you. (Phoebe leaves and Piper finds a page in the Book of Shadows about the creature. It's called a Wendigo.)","Piper: Whoa.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Bucklands. Phoebe and Prue are in the store room looking at some auction items. Phoebe's holding a clip board.]","Phoebe: Lot number 102. Estimated value $2500. What, it doesn't need light bulbs?","Prue: It's a Stickley, an original.","Phoebe: Oh, right, a Stickley. I still can't believe none of stuff belongs to anyone.","Prue: Yeah, will, every year the city auctions off unclaimed probate items, asset seizures for revenue.","Phoebe: What about the stuff that doesn't sell?","Prue: It gets tossed. Um, what is Lot 103?","Phoebe: 103, a gold bracelet. Estimated value $375. I will take that if no one wants it.","Prue: No, but it's inscribed with the initials \"T\" and \"L\" Alright, that finishes the first grouping. I'm gonna go upstairs to Appraisals and make sure I didn't forget anything. Meet you back at my office?","Phoebe: Your made morning coffee will be ready and waiting. I think this is really gonna work with you and me.","Prue: Me too.","(Prue walks towards the door. Phoebe picks up the gold bracelet and has a premonition of a car driving off a cliff. The bracelet falls out of the car.)","Phoebe: Prue.","Prue: Yeah?","Phoebe: I just had a vision. Of the past. It was a terrible car accident and this bracelet","Prue: What about it?","Phoebe: It was thrown free. Oh, man, I bet I'm supposed to figure out who it belongs to.","Prue: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, not now.","Phoebe: I can't help it.","(Claire enters.)","Claire: Prue, just want to make sure everything's in order for today's auction.","Phoebe: Wait, the auction is today?","Prue: Yes, Claire, everything is in order.","Claire: Terrific. I'll see you later then. (She sees the bracelet.) Ooh. Ooh, nice. That should sell quickly.","(She leaves.)","Phoebe: What are we gonna do?","[Scene: Quake. Piper and Billy are there.]","Billy: It's called a what?","Piper: A Wendigo. Apparently it looks like a normal person during the day but then it transforms at night. It survives on human hearts.","Billy: What?","Piper: According to my information, the first Wendigo was a mortal who betrayed by his lover, cut out her heart and ate it. As soon as he did, his own heart turned to ice and that's how he became this monster.","Billy: So, what , it like it takes love from others. Is that it? Or then why did it go after you? Are you in love?","Piper: No. Unfortunately, no. It must be attracted to something else.","Billy: Like maybe beauty? (Piper gets embarrassed.) I'm sorry. It's just you remind me a lot about my fianc\u00e9e.","Piper: Um, anyway, from what I gather, it strikes during the three phases of the full moon. Which means it may try again tonight.","Billy: That's what it did before, Amazing. You know I've been tracking this thing for two months and in one night you're a PHD. in Wendigo.","Piper: Well, I've read more about it. Um, I should call Andy, I mean Inspector Truedeau and tell him this.","Billy: No, Agent Fallon's better. She's been so great to me ever since Laura And she's already a believer. I'll tell her, okay.","(Piper stands up.)","Piper: Whoa. Dizzy.","Billy: You okay?","Piper: Must have stood up too fast. Will you call me after you see her please?","Billy: Sure.","Piper: I can help, Billy. I can't tell you exactly how or why, but I just want you to know I can. You're not in this alone.","Billy: I know.","(He leaves. The phone rings. Piper answers it.)","Piper: Quake.","Andy: Piper, it's Andy. Just checking in to see how you're doing.","Piper: Oh, Andy, that's sweet. Um, I'm fine. I'm just a little tired.","Andy: Yeah, well, you should be at home relaxing.","Piper: I'm okay. Listen, Billy Waters just left. He's on his way to the Federal Building to see Agent Fallon. He has a theory on the attacks.","Andy: I'll let her know. Rest up okay and stay out of dark, scary places for a while will ya.","Piper: Okay.","Andy: Take care. (They hang up.)","[Cut to the Police Station. Agent Fallon is sitting at a desk behind Andy. Andy turns around.]","Andy: Billy's on his way over to your office. Apparently he has some information on the attacks.","Fallon: Really? I guess I better go. You seem pretty familiar with the witness.","Andy: Piper? Yeah, I dated her sister.","Fallon: Dated? Past tense?","Andy: It's a long story. Why?","Fallon: Just curious. Wouldn't want a love sick cop on my hands. Especially if that's what the creature was after.","Andy: What makes you think it is?","Fallon: You got a better explanation of why it rips the heart out of its victims?","Andy: Maybe. I've just gone over the coroner's report from Chicago, New Orleans. It turns out all the victims were AB negative.","Fallon: Chosen by blood type? That's a new one.","Andy: And plus they're all killed in threes. The night before, the night after and the night of the full moon. Piper would have been the second.","Fallon: Well, if you're right, that means the creature will try again tonight.","Andy: I'm not all together convinced that it's quote on quote creature. The blood types, the full moon, the stolen hearts. It feels like ritual. And ritual is human. It could be just one sick mind behind these crimes.","Fallon: Maybe we'll have a chance to confirm your theory tonight. You and me stake out at the park. Interested?","Andy: I'll bring my flare gun.","[Scene: Outside the Federal Building. Billy's there.]","Fallon: Billy. Looking for me?","Billy: Yeah, listed, I think I know what that creature is.","Fallon: Really?","Billy: Yeah, well, Piper was telling me about it. It's called a Wendigo and it feeds off","Fallon: Whoa, hold on. Not here. The other agents already think I'm a little weird. Why don't I walk you to your car and we'll talk on the way. (They walk in the car park.)","Billy: It's like this Wendigo and it attacks people in love. Or at least people with good hearts. It's sort of like and anti-cupid.","Fallon: How does it know that about its victims?","Billy: I don't know. Instinct? Maybe it just senses something. Look, I know it can take on human form. Maybe it stalks them first. Anyway, I know it's gonna attack tonight. I know it. Probably in the same park, just like the other cities.","Fallon: Interesting.","(Billy gets a cigarette and lighter out of his pocket.)","Billy: Yeah, well, we gotta get there, stake it out, we wait for it to show up so then we can (He flicks the lighter on and Agent Fallon cowers.) kill it. Son of a bitch. (She grabs his head and breaks his neck. He falls to the ground.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Buckland. In the hallway. Phoebe walks up to Prue.]","Phoebe: Prue, check it out. I found out who's car went off the cliff. Franklin Bates. He worked for a big P.I. firm in San Jose.","Prue: How did you do that?","Phoebe: Easy. I recognized the road. Coast highway by Carmel. I also recognized the car. '65 Lincoln. My first boyfriend, Jimmy, used to drive one just like it, remember. Anyway, so, I got on the web and started snooping around. Which means that I tied up your phone line while you were at appraisals.","Prue: Go on.","Phoebe: I searched the Chronicles databases for all articles on car accidents in the area and voila, there it was. February, 1989. Um, unfortunately it took me a while to access it and I sort of forgot to tell you that Claire was looking for you.","Prue: Phoebe!","Phoebe: I'm sorry. But here's the best part. I called the P.I. firm he worked for, lied to them, told them I was Andy's partner and they told me what the initials on the bracelet stand for. (They walk in Prue's office.) The T is for Teri, the L is for Lane.","Prue: Should I know the name?","Phoebe: Teri Lane was a five year old girl kidnapped by her father. It was the case the detective was working on when he died.","Prue: So","Phoebe: So, I think that bracelet is proof that he found her and I think the mother never got it because he died which means she never found her daughter. We can't sell that bracelet, Prue. Not until we know for sure.","Prue: So, how am I supposed to explain this to Claire? What, psychic providence?","(Claire enters.)","Claire: Psychic what?","Prue: Claire, hi.","Claire: I have been looking all over for this bracelet. What's it doing up here?","(Claire takes it off Prue.)","Prue: Um, I had it cleaned.","Claire: Fine. I'll return it downstairs. I've already got two buyers interested.","(She leaves.)","Phoebe: We can not let her sell that bracelet, Prue.","[Scene: Quake. Piper's standing near the bar, rubbing an ice cold drink on her forehead.]","Woman: Piper?","(Piper walks over to a man.)","Man: Are you the manager?","Piper: Yes.","Man: Lawrence Beck. Health Department. This is a code inspection. I would like to start with the kitchen. (They walk in the kitchen.)","Piper: The counters are scrubbed every fifteen minutes, the dishes are washed 150\u00ba Fahrenheit with anti-bacterial dergent-detergent.","Lawrence: Are you ill?","Piper: Uh, no, no. I just, um, I don't know. Fell free to look around, we have nothing to hide here at Quake.","Lawrence: Thanks.","(Piper walks over to the fridge and sticks her head in it. She gets some frozen meat and rests it on her forehead. Lawrence sees her.)","Lawrence: Excuse me, what are you doing with that meat?","Piper: Dying. (She gets out of the fridge.) Oh, uh, right. Chop that. (She hands it to a cook.)","Lawrence: You're obviously sick. I think you'd better go home, Miss, before I shut this restaurant down.","[Scene: The car park. Police are there where Billy was killed.]","Fallon: Andy.","Andy: What happened?","Fallon: I don't know. I came here to meet him and found him there.","Andy: How'd he die?","Fallon: Coroner hasn't said, but it's definitely homicide. Although there's no mutilation, no other physical wounds. Doesn't fit our M.O. I suppose it could be random.","Andy: Chases off a crazed killer last night and succumbs to a mugging today? I don't buy it.","Fallon: Maybe the creature, or whatever it is, found out Billy had some information on it. Got to him before he could get to me.","Andy: Yeah, he had been stalking it two months. It could be the killer who knew.","Fallon: Still, if these are ritual murders as you suggest, all the steps have to be followed or the killer doesn't get his happy feeling. So why is the heart still intact?","Andy: Two possibilities. He's not AB negative or it was trying to protect himself from being found out.","Fallon: I'd go with that theory personally.","Andy: Me too. Let's go talk to Piper. See if he told her what he wanted to tell you.","Fallon: You read my mind, Inspector.","[Scene: Bucklands. The auction has started.]","Auctioneer: And I have $400. Now $500. $500, $550, $600. $650, at $650. $700 now. $750. Now say $800. $800, gentleman's bid at $800. Any more at $850. Sold $800. Number 143 for the caristan rug. And the next item is lot 102. A Stickley lamp and bidding will start at $2000. Now say 21, $2300, $2400, $2700.","(Phoebe walks up to Prue.)","Prue: Where have you been? The auction's already started.","Phoebe: I think I found the little girl, Teri Lane. I think she's living in Oakland.","Auctioneer: Sold $2900.","Phoebe: I contacted the detectives old secretary. She helped me piece it together. She also told me that it was the little girls mother who hired him because the father had abducted Teri.","Auctioneer: And next is lot 103, a gold charm bracelet and bidding will begin at $375.","Phoebe: You've got to do something. That bracelet might be the only way to convince the mother we know where the little girl is.","Prue: What am I supposed to do?","(Phoebe squints her eyes to tell Prue to use her power.)","Auctioneer: $375. Anyone at $375. (A lady goes to hold up her number but Prue uses her power and it flies out of her hand.) $375. Anyone at $375? (Every time someone holds up their number Prue uses her power to knock it out of their hand.) At $375. Anyone at $375.","Phoebe: You go girl.","Auctioneer: Very well. $300 then. Anyone at $300? $300 then. Last call at $300. Anyone at $300? Very well. We'll move on to lot 104. The pewter flagon.","Phoebe: Thank you, thank you.","Prue: You just better be right.","[Scene: Manor. The doorbell rings. Piper answers it.]","Piper: Hi Andy.","Andy: Hi.","Piper: What are you doing here?","Andy: Just wanted to see how you're doing.","Piper: I feel great.","Andy: Where's your bandage? How'd your wound heal?","(All of a sudden, Piper turns into a Wendigo and grabs Andy. Piper then wakes up. She's on the couch in the living room. She's sweating and she looks real sick. The doorbell rings. She walks into the foyer.)","Piper: Who is it?","Andy: It's Andy.","Piper: Andy. Go away.","Andy: Sorry?","(She opens the door a little bit.)","Piper: Go away. I've got the flu.","Andy: It's okay, I had a flu shot. I gotta talk to you. It's about Billy. He's been killed.","Piper: What? (She opens the door.) That's not possible, he should have been saved. It's not even night.","Andy: It might not have been whoever attacked you.","Piper: Who else could've it been?","(Agent Fallon arrives.)","Agent Fallon: Sorry, had to make a call. Are you okay?","Piper: No, I don't feel so well.","Andy: Maybe we should come back later.","Agent Fallon: Just a few questions. We were wondering if you knew what exactly Billy was coming to tell me.","Piper: Just that the creature is called a Wendigo and that it attacks during the full moon.","Andy: Yeah, we know that.","Piper: He also said that it looks like a normal person during the day.","Agent Fallon: Really? That's new. Did he have any idea who it might be?","Piper: No, I don't think so.","Agent Fallon: Too bad. How's the arm?","Piper: It's fine. Well, it hurts like hell.","Agent Fallon: May I? (She looks at it.) You're the only one to survive the attacks. Hope you didn't get infected by it. If you think of anything, anything at all, call me directly. (She hands Piper her card and leaves.)","Andy: Try and get some sleep.","Piper: I will.","(He leaves and she closes the door. She starts shaking. She takes the bandage off her arm and her arm is all hairy. She starts crying.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Harriet Lane's apartment. Her doorbell rings and she answers it.]","Phoebe: Are you Harriet Lane?","Harriet: Who are you?","Phoebe: Oh, we've never met. I work in an auction house. Actually I just started today. My sister got me the job. Uh, well, wondering if you might recognize this.","(Phoebe holds up the bracelet.)","Harriet: I've never seen it before.","Phoebe: Are you sure? (Harriet goes to close the door but Phoebe stops her.) Uh, hi. I don't mean to intrude and I know that this must be hard for you but I know that you recognize this bracelet. It was your daughter's wasn't it?","Harriet: Why are you asking me all these questions? Why are you doing this to me?","Phoebe: Your daughter, what's her name?","Harriet: Teri. Teri Lane. Do you know where she is? (Phoebe takes Harriet out in the hallway and Prue is standing there with Teri.) Teri? Oh my goodness. Teri, Teri?","Teri: Momma.","Harriet: My baby. (They hug.) I never thought I'd see you again.","Teri: It's okay, I'm home now.","Harriet: Let me look at you.","Prue: (to Phoebe) I guess that bracelet was worth more than I thought it was.","Phoebe: Are you kidding? It's priceless. Thank God for my powers.","Prue: It wasn't just your powers that did that, Pheebs. (Prue's phone rings.) Hello? Piper, you sound terrible. What's wrong?","[Scene: The park. Andy and Agent Fallon are there.]","Fallon: Sure hope Piper's gonna be okay. She didn't look very well.","Andy: I know. Both Piper and the first victim were attacked by the far end of those trees.","Fallon: Must have hidden in that stretch of woods waiting to attack. Wanna get a closer look?","Andy: Absolutely.","Fallon: You better turn your cell phone off too. Wouldn't want it to ring and scare it away. (They turn off their phones.) This is a nice spot. How'd you find this place? You and Piper's sister spend some time here?","Andy: No. Prue runs more to the high brow.","Fallon: Her loss.","Andy: I take it you're not married?","Fallon: Do you see a ring on my finger? I was engaged once. He was my world. Totally my world. Then one day, \"boom\", the empty dresser, the one word note \"sorry\". I started falling. I kept falling.","Andy: Yeah, I know how that is.","Fallon: No you don't. But I took steps. I did what I needed to make myself strong. To make it so no one could ever hurt me like that again.","Andy: I'd love to know how you do that.","Fallon: Maybe I'll show you if you're lucky. Now my life's a lot less complicated. All I'm interested in is s*x. Does that shock you?","Andy: No. Just wondering where you were in college, that's all.","[Scene: Manor. Phoebe and Prue walk in.]","Prue: Piper?","(They walk in the living room and Piper's sitting on the couch sweating and shaking.)","Phoebe: Piper.","Piper: I'm miserable.","Phoebe: It's okay, honey, it's okay.","Piper: No, no, it's not. (She pulls off the bandage and shows them her hairy arm.)","Phoebe: Ohh! Prue.","Prue: Oh, um, can you get up?","Piper: Back off! What, you think I can't walk now?","Phoebe: Honey, we're just trying to help you.","Piper: Help me? You can't even hold a job.","Prue: Okay, now wait a minute, Piper.","Piper: Oh, save it. Do you always have to be in charge? I'm sorry. What's happening to me?","Prue: It's alright. We're gonna take care of you. (Phoebe sees Agent Fallon's card on the table. She picks it up and has a premonition of Agent Fallon turning into a Wendigo.)","Prue\/Piper: What?","Phoebe: I just saw who the Wendigo is. Agent Fallon.","Piper: Her? I thought it had to be a him.","Phoebe: I guess not. And even worse, I saw her and Andy at the park at night, alone.","Prue: Okay, I'm gonna call him and warn him. You go upstairs to the Book of Shadows and see if you can find a way for us to help Piper.","Phoebe: Okay.","[Cut to the attic. Phoebe and Piper are looking through the Book of Shadows.]","Piper: Nothing. It's just the same old crap I've already seen.","(Prue enters.)","Prue: I tried Andy's cell phone. No answer.","Phoebe: We can't find anything about the Wendigo thing.","Prue: Well, there's got to be something. (Prue looks at the bottom of the page.) \"C.F. Desiderata\"","Phoebe: Yeah, like we're supposed to know what that means.","Prue: It means con fir desiderata. It's Latin for look up things that are yearned for.","Piper: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're so very smart.","Prue: Piper.","Piper: Don't Piper me, just shut up.","Prue: No, you are going to listen to me. This is not you. Alright, it's the blood of the Wendigo and you have to fight it.","Piper: It's so strong.","Prue: You're stronger.","Phoebe: Fight it Piper.","Piper: I'm okay.","Prue: Alright, things that are yearned for. Wisdom, balance, unbecoming. That's got to be it. (She turns to another page in the book.) Alright, unbecoming a Wendigo. So we have to kill the Wendigo that slashed you by melting its heart of ice.","Piper: What if you can't find her?","Phoebe: We'll find her. She's gonna be in the park tonight.","Piper: What if you're wrong? What if you don't? Then you'll have to... then you'll have to kill me.","Prue: Don't be ridiculous, Piper, we're not gonna kill you.","Phoebe: We're gonna kill the thing that did this to you.","Prue: But we might have to confine you until we get back. So, tie you down, I guess.","Piper: No, go to hell!","Prue: (to Phoebe) Do we have any chains?","Phoebe: I actually do think I have something.","Prue: Okay. (Phoebe walks out of the attic.) Are you back?","Piper: I don't want this to happen to me, Prue. Kill Ashley. This is me talking.","(Phoebe enters. She holds up a pair of handcuffs.)","Phoebe: Here.","Prue: Where did you get those? Never mind.","Piper: Let's just do this.","(They handcuff Piper to a pipe and she sits on a chair.)","Phoebe: We still need to take a trip to the Army-Navy store.","Prue: Why?","Phoebe: To get a flare gun.","Piper: Screw you bitch!","Phoebe: Okay, I think we need to hurry.","Prue: Uh, yeah, just hang in there, Piper.","[Scene: The park. Andy and Ashley are there.]","Ashley: What's the matter?","Andy: I was just thinking that I'm probably not the best cop to be on the stake out with, seeing I'm AB negative.","Ashley: Don't worry. I'll protect you.","[Cut back to the attic. Piper's sweating. She screams and her eyes turn yellow. She then turns into a Wendigo. All her clothes rip off. She breaks the pipe and handcuffs.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The park. It's night time.]","Ashley: Andy, doing okay?","Andy: A little on edge.","(You see Ashley's hand turn into a Wendigo hand.)","Ashley: Instinct of the hunt. That's why you're here. That's why you're a cop.","Andy: Does this turn you on or something, Agent Fallon?","Ashley: Or something.","Andy: Look, you are a gorgeous woman but we're on this job together. Let's just ---------.","Ashley: Let's not.","(She turns into a Wendigo. Andy gets out his gun and tries to shoot at her. She hits him across the head.)","[Cut to Prue and Phoebe. They pull up in Prue's car. They get out.]","Phoebe: Okay, if the moon is over there, we should go that way.","Prue: I don't see Andy's car.","Phoebe: Don't worry, we'll find him.","Prue: Alright, let's hurry.","[Cut to Andy and the Wendigo. Andy's unconscious on the ground. The Wendigo rips open his shirt and cuts him down the chest with its fingernail. It hears Prue's voice.]","Prue: Andy? Andy? (It runs away.)","Phoebe: This is definitely the place. I recognize it from my premonition.","(The Wendigo growls and starts running towards them.)","Prue: Oh, God. (She gets out the flare gun, shoots and misses it. It scares the Wendigo and it runs away.) Okay, give me another one.","Phoebe: If that didn't get Andy to come out, he's dead already.","Prue: He's dead when we find a body, not before. (Prue loads the flare gun again. The Wendigo runs towards them again. Prue fires the flare gun and scares the Wendigo.) Okay, how many more do we have?","Phoebe: Two.","Prue: Two?","Phoebe: That's all they had. Wait, I think that's him. (They see Andy on the ground. They run over to him.)","Prue: Oh God. Alright, he's alive but she's slashed him.","Phoebe: He still has his heart?","Prue: Yeah, we must've driven her off just in time.","(The Wendigo growls and appears behind them. They turn around and Prue fires the flare gun. It runs away.)","Phoebe: Last one. My turn. This time we don't fire until I see slobber on its face.","Prue: Okay, uh, it's over there.","Phoebe: No, wait, I think it's over here.","Prue: No, no, it's right here.","(Two Wendigo's start running towards them.)","Phoebe: Wait, how can it be in two places at once?","Prue: It can't. One of them is Piper. Shoot.","Phoebe: I can't, Prue.","Prue: Just shoot and pray you hit the right one.","(Phoebe shoots at a Wendigo and the flame and the other Wendigo freezes.)","Phoebe: Piper froze it. Do something. (Prue uses her power and moves the flare and it hits the other Wendigo in the heart. It burns and disappears. Piper turns back into a person and she realizes she's naked, so she hides behind a tree.) Are you okay?","Piper: I think so. But I'm naked and freezing.","(Andy's wound heals. Prue runs over to him.)","Prue: Andy. (Andy wakes up.) Hey, are you okay?","Andy: What happened? Prue, what are you doing here? Where's the Wendigo? (He tries to get up.)","Prue: She's gone. Easy. Lie back down. Just lay back down. It's alright. I'll explain everything later.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Quake. Phoebe and Prue are sitting at a table. Piper brings them some drinks.]","Piper: On the house for saving my hide.","Phoebe: Literally, you Wendigo, you.","(Piper sits down.)","Prue: Are you okay to work?","Piper: Yeah, I'm fine. It's like nothing ever happened. Except for Billy.","Prue: No, well, there was no way that you could've known about Agent Fallon.","Piper: I know. It's just I'm not used to losing an innocent we're supposed to protect.","Phoebe: He wanted to help stop her so she couldn't hurt anybody else and that's exactly what he did.","Prue: I'm just grateful that you're safe.","Piper: And Andy. By the way, what did you tell him about why we were all there.","Prue: I told him the truth.","Phoebe: Get out.","Prue: I did. I said what he saw happened was true, that Agent Fallon really was the Wendigo and that had we not vanquished her, that both he and Piper would've been killed. I couldn't think of anything else to say.","Piper: Well, what did he say?","Prue: Not much. He was either too stunned to speak or he actually believed me on some level. This was as close that we've ever come to having an honest conversation.","Phoebe: So maybe Andy's more open to you being a witch than you think.","Prue: Hmm. Alright, back to work.","Phoebe: Actually, I need to talk to you about something and please don't be mad but I quit.","Prue: What?","Phoebe: It's not that I don't appreciate the opportunity because I do. It's just that every time touch something at Bucklands I risk having a premonition and it's just too emotional for me. Besides that's your world. I need to find one of my own.","Prue: You will.","Piper: Just stay out of my world or I'll kill you. (Prue and Phoebe look worried and confused. Piper gets up and starts to walk away. She turns around.) Kidding! It's just a joke (She walks away.)","Prue: Ooh!"],"Show Title":"Charmed","Episode Number":"01x12","Episode Title":"The Wendigo","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Charmed_02x03.json","Recap":["When Prue discovers a man trapped in a painting that was brought into the Auction House, she unwittingly gets trapped inside it with him when she casts a spell when trying to save him. As a result, Piper and Phoebe have to find a way to save Prue, especially after discovering the man may have been cast inside the painting by his warlock lover. After Piper ends up in the painting as well, Phoebe has to use her newfound smarts to save them and banish the warlocks inside the painting. Looking to bring her club up to code, Piper turns to Dan for help."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. She's talking into a tape recorder. A client is there with her.]","Prue: Painting of a gothic castle, artist unknown, circa 1920s, oil on canvas, 20x28. Miss Franklin, where did you say you got this?","Miss Franklin: Oh, I... I inherited it. A few months ago but it's been in my family for generations.","Prue: The composition is so unusual. The artists used pure colors, straight from the tube and then varnished each layer over and ...","Miss Franklin: Uh, I'm sorry for interrupting. But do I really need to be here.","Prue: No, of course not. It's just that most people prefer to be at an appraisal, especially when they on selling the piece.","Miss Franklin: It's just, I'm kind of in a hurry.","Prue: Say no more. Just sign at the bottom and you're free to go.","Miss Franklin: Thankyou. (She signs it.) So, how long do you think it will take to sell it?","Prue: Well, I'll need to see ownership records before I can do anything.","Miss Franklin: I'll send you everything I have. So, is that all, then?","Prue: Uh, no, since you definitely want to sell the piece, I'll need to confirm its authenticity, its physical condition, so if you'll just sign at the bottom, that will let us go ahead and X-ray the piece.","Miss Franklin: Done. (She signs it.) Anything else?","Prue: Uh, well, yes, Miss Franklin, I would really like the time to research this. That way I can get you the best price.","Miss Franklin: Look, I... I appreciate your professionalism... I really do, but I'm not interested in getting the best price... I just want you to sell that painting, as soon as you can, right? Good night, Miss Halliwell.","(They shake hands.)","Prue: Good night.","(Miss Franklin leaves.)","[Scene: Piper is in the club and Phoebe is in Web San Francisco. Phoebe and Piper are on the phone.]","Phoebe: Piper it was an accident. It's not like I borrowed Prue's car, so I could drive it into a pole.","Piper: How bad's the damage?","Phoebe: Not bad but maybe expensive. Which is why I need a favor.","Piper: If you're calling to borrow money, I don't have any.","Phoebe: No, it's not about money. It's just I don't want you to tell Prue. She's been so supportive and I don't want to lose her trust again.","Piper: You mean, you haven't told her?","Phoebe: Well, not yet. But I-I have a plan.","Piper: Phoebe, you have to tell her. It's her car and you don't have money to fix it.","Phoebe: But I will have the money to fix it. I'm at this company called Web San Francisco, it's an interactive network on the internet, and I faxed them my r\u00e9sum\u00e9 this morning, and they want to meet with me, tonight.","Piper: I've got to go, but Phoebe, I don't want to be in the middle of this, just tell her, okay?","Phoebe: If I don't get the job, I will tell her.","(They hang up the phone. Phoebe sees a room with a lot of people trying the job.)","Phoebe: Hello, I'm Phoebe Halliwell. I have an appointment. (the secretary hands her an aptitude test) thanks. All these people... they're here for the interview, too, aren't they?","Secretary: Well, you won't have any trouble with this if you figured that out. It's an aptitude test. You can finish it at home.","Phoebe: Great. Great.","(Phoebe sits down and hears two people talking.)","Applicant #1: So, you won a fellowship from the National Science Foundation.","Applicant #2 When I was at Harvard, yeah. How'd you know?","Applicant #1: Saw it on your r\u00e9sum\u00e9. I was cum laude also, except I was a Ford Foundation Scholar.","Applicant #2: So, then, you must have gone to... Stanford?","Secretary: Stanford? I went to Stanford.","Applicant #3: (to Phoebe) Intimidating, isn't it?","Phoebe: The Good Will Hunting or this aptitude test?","Applicant #3: Who cares about linear algebra or differential. And that test is a snap. I mean, in this day and age, who can't write in the HTML numeric languages, right?","Phoebe: Right. (laughing nervously) Yeah. That's for you. (Phoebe leaves.)","[Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. Prue sees a light in the painting.]","Prue: What? (She gets a magnifying glass and looks closer at the painting. She sees a man and a fireball.) Ooh!","Opening Credits","[Scene: Halliwell manor. Kitchen.]","Prue: At first I just thought that it was a reflection off of something in the room but then when I moved closer, I saw a man... inside the painting... in the castle. Right, but the moment I saw him, he backed away from the window, and then there was this... strange glow that went past the window.. it was so... (She looks at Piper who is looking some papers.) Piper!","Piper: What?","Prue: We were talking?","Piper: I know. About a man in a painting.. listen to this one. \"Hallway near club entrance too narrow\"?","Prue: I thought that we had discussed your code violations.","Piper: Well, I keep finding more. The plumbing, the electrical, the heating, it... none of it is up code.","Prue: Stop. You're obsessing.","Piper: Well, it runs in the family.","Prue: I don't obsess. I think... intensely... anyway, I can't really help it. I mean, we've seen so many bizarre things, why not a man in a painting.","Piper: Well, at least he's safe from Building Inspector. I can't imagine that castle's up to code.","Phoebe: I'm sorry but I couldn't find anything in the Book of Shadows about people who may be trapped inside painting. I looked everywhere.","Piper: Hey, You were asleep by the time I got home. How did your interview do?","Phoebe: It went fine. Uh, actually, it's still going. I have to finish this take-home aptitude test which I actually think I will start right now. So I will see you guys later.","(Piper gives her \"the look\".)","Prue: Uh, Phoebe?","Phoebe: What?","Prue: Aren't you forgetting something? My car keys?","Phoebe: They'd be with your car... which is at the body shop having an estimate.","Prue: An estimate?","(Piper pretends to be reading her code violations.)","Phoebe: Yeah, uh, I... bumped... No, actually I backed your car into a pole last night.","Prue: (smiling) A pole? You hit a pole?","Phoebe: Yeah, you don't even have to say it. I know what you're thinking. How could I be so irresponsible? How could I be so stupid?","Prue: Okay, irresponsible, yes. Stupid, no way. Where's that coming from?","Phoebe: It's coming from the fact that I'm the youngest sister, the one who always makes mistakes... (Prue looks at Piper) The one who always causes problems. I mean, if anybody were gonna back your car into a pole and not tell you right away, it'd be me, right?","(Prue looks at her, tenderly.)","Piper: I think I'll just be going now.","Phoebe: See? Even the middle sister. The one that's supposed to stay neutral when it comes to family checks out on this one.","Piper: Yes, you're right. You're on your own.","Prue: Well, leave me out of it, too. I don't want to argue with you. I just want to find a cab.","Phoebe: Well, whatever it costs, I will pay for the damages... and whatever the cab costs, I will pay for that too.","(Phoebe leaves.)","Prue: (laughing) Uh, what just happened here?","Piper: I don't know anything about anything.","Prue: Piper! Just forget about the car. What about the man in the painting?","Piper: Well, unless he's real and screaming for help, forget about him. We shouldn't go looking for trouble. We have enough around here. I'm going next door.","[Cut to outside Dan's house. Piper picks up his paper off the stairs. Dan opens the door before she can knock.]","Piper: Dan!","Dan: Good Morning!","Piper: I'm sorry to bother you.","Dan: No, you're not bothering me. Unless you refuse to hand over my paper.","(She hands it to him.)","Piper: Oh, uh, all yours.","Dan: Thanks. Uh, you wanna... come in?","Piper: No, no really, I just stopped by to ask a quick favour. My club received a visit from a D.B.I. last night.","Dan: And you've got code violations.","Piper: I have the war and peace of code violations.","(Piper hands him the code violations.)","Dan: And you were thinking, what? Neighbor Dan, he's in construction, maybe he could help, huh?","Piper: Of course I'll pay you... something.","Jenny: Uncle D., I'm late. Hey, Piper.","Piper: Hi Jenny.","Jenny: See you later, Uncle Dan. And don't forget your promise.","(Jenny leaves.)","Dan: Ok, then, um, I'll tell you what I can do. I'll check out the code violations. See how serious they really are. If you'll help me with the promise I made Jenny.","Piper: Deal. Wait... Uh, what's the promise?","Dan: She needs help with a paper. It's for her Bio class, you know, something about within the human reproductive system...","Piper: Oh, ha... you mean, s*x...","Dan: It's just way to awkward for me to talk to my niece about.","Piper: Yeah, ha... sure, not to worry. I have plenty of experience.","Dan: Really... with with s*x?","Piper: No... I mean, uh... talking about it. (Dan laughs. Smiling nervous.) Yeah!","[Scene: Bucklands.]","Miss Franklin: So, uh, was there a problem with any of the ownership records that I sent over?","Prue: No, uh... everything's in order.","Miss Franklin: Then I'm not sure why you wanted meet with me.","Prue: Look. Ms. Franklin, I know that you don't really want to be here, so I'll be perfectly honest. There's something... strange about that painting","Miss Franklin: Have you seen him?","Prue: Him?","Miss Franklin: That's how it all starts, you know?","Prue: What do you mean?","Miss Franklin: At first, you see him. The man inside the painting. At least, you think you see him. But he just... he disappears so fast. And you start to think about it. But it does't make any sense. I mean, how could a man be inside a painting? Then you see him again. This time longer. And now you're sure.","Prue: So, you think that the painting is haunted by a ghost?","Miss Franklin: Oh, no no. I think he's definitely alive. I think he's trapped inside.","Prue: Do you know who he is?","Miss Franklin: No, I have no idea. Nobody does. Look, all I know is if I don't get rid of that painting, I'm gonna end up just like everybody else in my family who's ever owned it,. I'm gonna be completely insane.","Prue: Ms. Franklin.","Miss Franklin: No, you've only seen the beginning, Ms. Halliwell. Just trust me when I tell you. It's only gonna get worse.","(She leaves.)","[Scene: Phoebe's bedroom. Phoebe is writing a spell.]","Phoebe: \"Spirits... send... the.. words... from all...\"","(Piper knocks the door)","Piper: It's me. Can I come in?","Phoebe: Uh, Piper, I really just wanna be alone right now.","Piper: I won't stay long, I promise.","Phoebe: All right, just give me a sec. (she hides the Book of Shadows) ok, you can come in now?","(Piper opens the door)","Piper: I just wanted to tell you, uh... the body shop called","Phoebe: Yeah, I know, I heard the message. 1200 bucks","Piper: Did you tell Prue?","Phoebe: I didn't have to. She already knew. She called the body shop herself. That's why I have got to get this job, Piper. It's the only way I can pay for the damages. It's the only way that I can make things right.","Piper: All the more reason you should've told her.","Phoebe: (upset) Okay, well. Maybe a smarter person would have figured that out. Than again a smart person wouldn't of backed a car into a pole. A smart person would have realized that it was a $1200 pole. That's because smart people don't do stupid things, only stupid people do.","Piper: Phoebe, I didn't mean to upset you.","Phoebe: I know. Maybe we should just talk later.","Piper: Ok. You're sure you're gonna be ok?","Phoebe: Yeah, why?","Piper: Phoebe, I know you think getting this job is the answer, but please just don't do anything...","Phoebe: What? Stupid?","Piper: No... just don't do anything I wouldn't do.","Phoebe: Don't worry. I won't. (Piper leaves the room) You would never cast a smart spell. (Reading quick the spell) 24 hours, from 7 to 7, I will understand... all meaning... from here... to heaven. (casting the spell) \"Spirits, send the words from all across the land. Allow me to absorb them through the touch of either hand. For 24 hours, from 7 to 7, I will understand all meaning of the words, from here to heaven... Oh, and P.S. there will be no personal gain. (Phoebe put a dictionary on the bed and starts to absorb the words.) \"Abaca: Stronger fiber obtained from a banana leaf. Zygote: A cell formed by the union of two gametes\"... Cool!","[Scene: Bucklands.]","Prue: Hey, Joe. That was fast.","Joe: No line at the X-Ray machine.","Prue: So, did the X-Ray confirm its authenticity?","Joe: It did a lot more than that. Check out the X-Ray. It's got definitive underwriting on the canvas.","Prue: It has a pentimento?","Joe: Yeah, I couldn't believe it either. But you can see it on the X-Ray. The text is in Latin. I've never seen anything like it before.","Prue: \"Absolvo Amitto Amplus Brevis\" to free what is lost say these words.","Joe: Wow... You speak Latin?","Prue: Yes. Good night, Joe.","Joe: Okay, well, uh, why don't I just return the painting to the vault... say tomorrow?","Prue: Good idea.","Joe: Okay.","(Joe leaves. Prue moves closer to the painting and sees the word 'HELP' written on a window.)","Prue: HELP... okay... \"SEMPER MEA\" Mine forever. (Prue cast the whole spell.) \"Absolvo Amitto Amplus Brevis Semper Mea\" (She gets sucked into the painting.) Oh, no. Oh!","[Cut to inside the castle. Prue falls on the floor.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Castle.]","Prue: Who's there?","(A big fireball flies across the room. Prue ducks.)","Malcolm: Quick! Follow me!","Prue: What?","Malcolm: This way. Ladies first. I see you read Latin too.","Prue: What has happened? Where am I?","Malcolm: Virden Castle.","Prue: Where is that?","Malcolm: Inside the painting","Prue: I'm trapped inside the painting?","Malcolm: Yes and if you don't get to that bookcase, you're dead.","Prue: Who are you?","Malcolm: My name's Malcolm and you were supposed to help me, not join me. Who are you, anyway?","Prue: Oh, my name's Prue and I was helping you. You were supposed to come out.","Malcolm: Great. Now we're both trapped. Hurry.","(They run to the bookcase. A fireball heads for them but Prue moves it with her powers.)","Malcolm: What the hell? What are you? How'd you do that?","Prue: Oh, never mind. We're gonna get killed. Will you hurry up?","(Malcolm opens the bookcase. They go inside.)","[Scene: Halliwell manor. Kitchen. It's morning.]","Piper: Hi Phoebe. You're up early. What's up?","Phoebe: Oh, the Dow Jones, housing prices and space shuttle discovery.","Piper: Huh?","Phoebe: Read the paper.","Piper: Oh. Uh, have you seen Prue this morning?","Phoebe: Not yet. Oh, uh, Dan just called. Said he'd meet you at the club at noon.","Piper: Okay, uh, did you hear her come in last night?","Phoebe: Nope.","Piper: This is really... strange. Cat hasn't been fed. No coffee's been made. And Prue definitely didn't pack a lunch.","Phoebe: Maybe she's still asleep.","Piper: No, I checked her room. Her bed hasn't been slept in.","Phoebe: Maybe she didn't come home from the office last night.","(Piper is on the phone)","Piper: No, it's her voice mail. What if Prue's right about the painting? What if something's happened?","Phoebe: First off, 63% of all adults believed to be missing show up within 24 hours. An auto accident is unlikey 1.2% even less likely for work related accident. Factor in her good health, a life expectancy of 78.5 years, add her defensive powers of telekinesis, and we are looking at the odds of... less than 4.1%... No, actually make less than 3.3%. I forgot that the Book of Shadows had zip on evil artwork","Piper: What's wrong with you?","Phoebe: Nothing","Piper: No, you're like \"ask rainman.com\". You haven't been in the Book of Shadows, have you?","Phoebe: No, why would I do that?","Piper: All right, I don't have time for this. Uh, I'm gonna go to Bucklands.","Phoebe: What about Dan? You're supposed to meet him at the club","Piper: Damn it.","Phoebe: Do you like him? Is that the vibe that I'm getting right now?","Piper: No. Don't be ridiculous.","Phoebe: Mmm.","Piper: Just do me a favor and go in my place. And then you can give me all the details later.","Phoebe: Like what he was wearing?","(Piper is leaving.)","Piper: No!","[Scene: Castle. In the bookcase.]","Prue: You can't just stand there another 12 hours and not let me help you. You're hurt.","Malcolm: Stay where you are. I hate witches.","Prue: How many times do I have to tell you that I'm a good witch? Although, if you make me say that again, I just may hurt you. Look, I was trying to save you.","Malcolm: Well, you did a great job.","Prue: The last thing that I expected was to get stuck here.","Malcolm: So I guess your powers can't get us out then, huh?","Prue: No. I can't just lift us from another world. So, if we're gonna get out we're gonna have to work together. Just let me help you. I won't turn you into a toad. I promise. Thank you. May I? (She looks at his wound.) Doesn't look too bad. At least the bleeding is...","Malcolm: Ouch!","Prue: So, why do you hate witches so much.","Malcolm: It's how I got trapped in here. The artist that painted this was a witch. She was my girlfriend.","Prue: You dated a witch?","Malcolm: What, you've never dated a mortal?","Prue: Huh, I wonder...","Malcolm: Ow!","Prue: Ah, sorry. Go on!","Malcolm: Fine. Nell and I... we broke up. She wrote a curse in Latin.","Prue: To free what is lost.","Malcolm: Right. And she painted the castle over it, made sure I got the painting. It was the only way she could trick me and trap me inside. It worked.","Prue: So how did you see the underwriting?","Malcolm: Same way as you, probably?","Prue: X-Ray... you must have really of pissed Nell off.","Malcolm: Well, that would explain why I haven't aged since I got here and the fireballs.","Prue: How long have you been running from them?","Malcolm: What year is it?","Prue: 1999.","Malcolm: It's been 70 years.","Prue: Oh, wait a second. You've been stuck here trying to get help for 70 years.","Malcolm: It's not the typical life of an art historian, isn't it?","Prue: Well, I won't be here that long. I mean, I have 2 sisters and we all have powers. If anybody can find a way out, it's us.","[Scene: P3. Phoebe is there with Dan.]","Phoebe: Dan, sorry to keep you waiting","Dan: I didn't realize you were late.","Phoebe: Oh, 11 minutes, 23.4 seconds to be exact. Those the code violations?","Dan: That and the D.B.I.s book of minimum safety requirements.","Phoebe: Ok, then we're all set. I think you'll find me pretty knowledgeable about all areas of construction.","Dan: What about Piper?","Phoebe: Oh, something came up. She can't be here. Sorry buddy.","Dan: Oh.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Bucklands. Piper walks in Prue's office.]","Piper: Prue? (She sees Prue's purse and then the X-ray.) Absolvo Amitto Amplus Brevis.","(Joe enters.)","Joe: Oh, hey Piper. Joe Lyons. We met at a wine auction a few months ago.","Piper: Oh...","Joe: Uh, Prue around?","Piper: Uh, she's... she's somewhere.","Joe: Ah, I won't get in your way. I just need to pick up the painting","Piper: Oh, forgive me, Joe.","Joe: For what?","(She freezes him.)","Piper: For that.","[Cut to the castle.]","Malcolm: That's your plan? Are you outta your mind?","Prue: My sisters are gonna realize I'm missing, soon. I have to let them know where I am and warn them.","Malcolm: It's too dangerous. You'll die.","Prue: I don't have any another choice. Alright, my sisters could make the same mistake I did and get suck into the painting. Ok, corner, now.","Malcolm: And how will seeing your name...","Prue: And the name Nell..","Malcolm: Yes, written on a window, prevent that from happening?","Prue: Ok, because my sisters will think that it's a clue, so they'll look up the name Nell in our Book of Shadows and hopefully they'll find a solution. Are you ready? Go! Ok, tell me how you write HELP on the window without getting creamed by the fireball","Malcolm: You mean you don't know how you're gonna do it?","Prue: You're the expert","Malcolm: Are you crazy? It took me years to get those messages written on the window. I've got the scars to prove it. What about your powers?","Prue: All right, fine. I'll deflect the fireballs. You write the names","Malcolm: Be careful near the window","Prue: Why? What's wrong with the window? (We see Piper carrying the painting and the castle starts to shake.) Oh, okay... what's happening?","Malcolm: The painting. It's being moved. And it's moving fast. Get back to the chamber.","Prue: No way. I'm going to that window.","Malcolm: It's too dangerous. We gotta to get out of here.","[Cut to Piper. She's carrying the painting to the elevator.]","Piper: Hold the elevator, please.","[Cut to the castle. Prue and Malcolm hide under a table.]","Prue: I really just wanted to get my name and Nell's on that window.","Malcolm: And you can, as soon as the painting stops moving. Just stay low.","(Malcolm stares at her.)","Prue: What?","Malcolm: Nothing. I was... never mind.","Prue: No, what?","Malcolm: I always hoped someone would get my SOS. I just never thought it would be a woman.","Prue: What, a woman can't rescue a man?","Malcolm: I'm still waiting.","Prue: Yeah, well, keep waiting, pal. Bookcase!","(They run into the bookcase.)","[Scene: Manor. Phoebe is watching TV and is on the phone.]","Phoebe: Hello, this is Phoebe Halliwell. I'd like to set up an appointment to return my aptitude test. (Piper comes in.) By 5 tomorrow? Great. Bye (to Piper) Oh, Piper. Good news. I spoke Dan. He will have your estimate ready by tomorrow.","Piper: We got bigger problems than code violations","Phoebe: Prue wasn't at Bucklands?","Piper: No, but it was clearly the last place she was before she disappeared. I take it you haven't heard from her?","Phoebe: Not a word. Okay, now I'm worried.","Piper: Check out this X-Ray. I found at her office. I think it may have something to do with her disappearing. (Phoebe is looking at the TV Show) We don't have a lot of time, either. It won't be long before everyone at Bucklands realizes that she's gone and the painting is gone.","Phoebe: Oh, the final match.","Tv Host: Primarily concerned with blood and blood-forming organs.","Phoebe: Hematology.","Guy: Hematology","Tv Host: Yes. Oona Chaplin, the wife of Charles Chaplin, was the daughter of what famous?","Phoebe: Eugene O'Neil.","Tv Host: American playwright.","Guy: O'Neil.","Tv Host: What country now occupies the Peninsula once known as Asia Minor?","Phoebe: Turkey.","Guy: Uh... Turkey.","(Piper turns the TV off.)","Piper: How is that you know all the answers?","Phoebe: What? I could know about medicine, Americans playwrights and that Asia Minor is now called Turkey.","Piper: No, you couldn't... you have cast a spell, haven't you?","Phoebe: I wanted to be able to get Prue's car fixed and this job was the only way that I could do it.","Piper: Phoebe, what kind of spell?","Phoebe: All I had to do was ace an aptitude test which, by the way, I'm sure I have.","Piper: Phoebe?","Phoebe: Okay. It's a smart spell. And before you freak out, it's out temporary. It'll be over by 7 o'clock tonight.","Piper: It doesn't matter when it ends. We're not allowed to cast personal gain spells. You know that.","Phoebe: Yeah. I do know that. But it's not. I even put that in myself. \"no personal gain\".","Piper: There will be consequences. There always are.","Phoebe: I don't care. It's worth it. Piper you were not at that job interview surrounded by those college graduates. You don't know how good it feels to be really smart. Smart people are respected, taken seriously. And really smart women? Forget about it! Then again, you probably do know what I'm talking about. You have a 4-years degree.","Piper: So, what? Phoebe, I will never have the kind of smarts you have no matters what I do. But you... you can go back to collage. Say you did get this job. What would happen to it the moment your smart spell ended?","Phoebe: I thought I'd worry about that later.","(Phoebe's going upstairs.)","Piper: Wait. What does this mean? \"Absolvo Amitto Amplus Brevis Semper Mea\". (She starts to get sucked into the painting.) Phoebe. Help!","Phoebe: Piper, no!","Piper: Phoebeeeee.","Phoebe: Piper?","[Cut to the castle.]","Piper: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!","(A fireball flies past her.)","Prue: Piper?","Piper: What the hell is happening? Where are we?","Prue: All right, hurry. Just get to the bookcase fast.","Piper: Whahhhhhhh!","Prue: Watch out.","Piper: Uhh! (Piper freezes a fireball) Whoa! Whoa! Wow!","(They run into the bookcase)","Malcolm: Don't tell me she's the sister witch who was gonna save us.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: In the castle.]","Piper: I don't want to live forever. I don't want to spend the rest of my time trapped in a painting, hanging on some wall, wearing a broken shoe.","Prue: Well, neither do I but there is a solution.","Piper: You call that a solution? Braving endless fireballs to get a message to Phoebe?","Prue: Okay, so, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the situation is pretty bad.","Piper: No. But it may just take a rocket scientist to get us out of here. Phoebe.","Malcolm: Another witch sister?","Piper: Not any witch. A super witch. She's a genius.","Prue: Piper, I don't really think that you're helping the situation.","Piper: No, I mean it. She's a walking brain trust. An Einstein with cleavage. She cast a spell on herself, Prue. A smart spell.","Prue: What?","Malcolm: Can she save us?","Piper: Forget the details, Prue. Just know that if anybody can get us out of here, it's Phoebe. We need to get back to that living room, get Nell's name on the window...","Prue: Piper, wait.","Piper: No no no no no. We can't wait. It's only temporary. The spell ends at 7 tonight.","Prue: Ooh!","[Scene: Manor. 6:15pm. Phoebe carry's the Book of Shadows downstairs.]","Phoebe: Come on. Come on. There's got to be something. (Doorbell rings) Who is it?","Jenny: It's Jenny.","Phoebe: Uh ... unless it's a huge 911, sweetie, you're gonna have to come back later.","(Doorbell rings again and Phoebe hides the book.)","[Scene: Castle.]","Piper: If we get out of here alive, you own me a new pair of shoes.","Prue: If we get out of here alive, I'll buy you a purse to match. Piper, left.","(Piper freezes a fireball.)","Piper: Forget the shoes. The next time you get a supernatural SOS.","Prue: I'll take your advice and just ignore it.","Malcolm: Be careful near the window.","Prue: What's wrong with the window?","(Some blades appear when Piper get closer the window.)","Piper: Wha! Whaaa! Blades!","Prue: Are you okay?","Piper: Uh, for now. But I can't reach the window because if I lean forward, I'm sliced and diced.","(Prue used her power to let Piper reaches the window)","Prue: Okay, Piper. Hurry! (Piper is writing NELL on the window.) Don't forget to write her name backwards. So Phoebe can read from outside. Come on.","(Prue moves a frozen fireball in front of the window.)","Piper: Good thing she had a short name. (They run into the bookcase.) Let's go, let's go, let's go.","[Cut to the manor.]","Phoebe: The human reproductive system? Wait, and your uncle wanted Piper to help you out with this?","Jenny: Yeah, but I was too embarrassed to tell him I already know about s*x. So I figure we can just hang out and watch some television. (Jenny sees the light on the painting.) Hey, what's that?","Phoebe: Uh, Jenny, will you go in there and grab me a pen, please? (She does so. Phoebe gets a magnifying glass and looks at the painting.) Nell?","(Jenny comes back in.)","Jenny: Is something wrong?","Phoebe: Uh, I'm not sure (writing something) okay. The 23 chromosomes that make up the human genome system within the cell ... (Jenny looks at her.) It's too complicated. (She starts to draw something.) Okey-Dokey. You're all set.","Jenny: But ...","Phoebe: Bye Jenny. (Jenny leaves. Phoebe holds her hands above the book and the pages turn by themselves.) Nell, Nell, find me Nell. Whoa! I am one super smart witch. Okay, what do we have here? Latin. \"In the 1920s a witch named Nell tricked a powerful warlock into a painting with a hidden spell that only his power of X-Ray vision could see.\" Okay, I'm getting tired of talking to myself. How do I get my sisters out? Oh! \"VERVA OMNES LIBERANT\". Words free us all. \"These words will free anyone trapped inside the painting\" okay. But how do I get the words inside without getting trapped inside the painting MYSELF?","(She sees kit.)","Kit: Meow.","Phoebe: No, I couldn't.","[Cut to the castle.]","Prue: So, maybe we should take shifts waiting for Phoebe outside the bookcase. I mean, we've been pretty safe there so far.","Malcolm: I'll take the first shift.","Prue: I had a feeling you would.","(Malcolm leaves the bookcase)","Piper: What? What is it? What's wrong?","Prue: I've been thinking about that witch who cursed Malcolm into the painting. It takes a lot of time and a high level of magic to create this world. Seems like an awfully big spell just to get revenge over a bad breakup.","Piper: I agree.","Prue: And it was almost impossible for us, the Charmed Ones no less, to get that message on the window. Yet Malcolm, an art historian with absolutely no powers, who was able to escape fireballs and those blades, to get his message on the window. I mean, I don't know Piper. It's just... something weird about all of this.","(They hear a noise and a cat.)","Malcolm: Here kitty kitty. (Kit hisses at him.) Here kitty kitty. What do we have here?","(He sees the message on Kit's collar.)","Piper: It is Kit.","Prue: What is she doing here?","Piper: Prue, look.","Malcolm: \"VERVA OMNES\"...","Prue: Piper, freeze him.","(She tries to freeze him but he blinks before she could.)","Malcolm: You're too late. But you were right. Your sister Phoebe's one smart witch. Blinking allow me to be one place, one moment, and another the next","Prue: Piper, look out","(Piper freezes a fireball.)","Malcolm: \"LIBERANT\"","(He disappears)","Prue: I thought he was an innocent. I thought he needed help.","Piper: I'm not talking to you... forever","[Cut to the manor. Malcolm appears in living room.]","Malcolm: Thanks for freeing me, witch. 70 years is a long time","Phoebe: 70 years? You're a warlock, aren't you?","Malcolm: Your sisters were right. You are a smart witch.","Phoebe: Where are they?","Malcolm: With the cat. The one with no collar. That was interesting... that was smart. Too smart for your own good.","Phoebe: So, that woman who brought Prue the painting... she's a warlock too?","Malcolm: Jane's my lover. She's been trying to get me out for years. She needed to find the Charmed Ones, you. It took her 70 years to do that.","Phoebe: We haven't been around that long.","(she kicks him)","Phoebe: I read \"jeet-kune-do\" manual earlier today. I think that makes me a black belt. (he blinks and appears behind her... she kicks him again) Actually, make that a seventh degree black belt. I'm a master.","Malcolm: Not for long. You're not. We'll see how powerful you are, how smart you are when your spell ends at 7.","Phoebe: How do you know about that?","Malcolm: Tick Tock, Phoebe. Tick Tock.","(He blinks and appears outside the house. Then meets Jane.)","Jane or Miss Franklin: Malcolm.","Malcolm: Jane.","(They kiss.)","Jane: I thought I'd never seen you again. Come on. Let's get out of here.","Malcolm: Not yet. Not yet. I have a little present for you.","Jane: Oh, you do? Where is it?","Malcolm: It's inside the house... Something you've always wanted.","Jane: And what would that be?","Malcolm: The power of Premonition.","Jane: And what would you get?","Malcolm: Revenge... and 2 more powers.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Castle.]","Prue: Even if Phoebe is alive, she may not be for long.","Phoebe: Maybe she can figure out a way to save herself before he finds her.","Prue: Yeah, well, she better do it quick, it's almost 7. Although if anybody can do it, Phoebe can.","Piper: Yeah, even without the smart spell. I mean, putting that message on Kit's collar, that's very Phoebe. I would've never thought of it.","Prue: Neither would I. It was a great plan.","Piper: If we get out of here, I'm gonna buy here a new pair of shoes.","Prue: I'll buy her a purse to match.","[Cut to the manor.]","Phoebe: The spell... 3 words in Latin... the question is... which 3?","(7 o'clock)","Phoebe: Oh, no. (She holds her hands above the book but the pages won't flip.) Come on come on... they're on the tip of my tongue. Uh ... \"Verve omnes\" something... \"Verve omnes... liber... liber... liberace!\" No, it can't be liberace ... (She finds the page.) Oh, oh no. It's in Latin... the spell is over and I don't understand Latin anymore.","(Malcolm blinks inside the house.)","Malcolm: I told you I'd be back.","(He opens the door for Jane.)","Jane: Hello, Phoebe. Say goodbye to your family.","(Jane strikes a match and sets the painting on fire.)","Phoebe: No! ABSOLVO AMITTO AMPLUS BREVIS.","Malcolm: The curse.","Phoebe: SEMPER ME.","(The three of them get sucked into the painting.)","[Castle.]","Piper: The house is on fire?","Prue: Not the house, the painting... it's gotta be Malcolm's doing. He must be at the Manor","(Phoebe appears.)","Piper: Phoebe, you're alive!","Phoebe: Yeah. Let's keep it that way.","(Malcolm and Jane appears.)","Prue: Malcolm ... and Jane.","Phoebe: She's a warlock.","Malcolm: Stupid witch. Now you and your sisters are gonna end up burning to death.","Phoebe: Looking for this? (about the collar) Freeze them.","(Piper freezes them.)","Phoebe: Where's Kit?","Prue: Uh ...","Piper: There she is. There she is.","Prue: I can't believe we almost forgot her.","Phoebe: VERVE OMNES LIBERANT.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. They're putting out the fire with the fire extinguisher.]","Prue: You know, I didn't want them to die. I just wanted them trapped in that house forever.","Phoebe: Bright side? You won't have to worry about any complaints from the owner of the painting.","Piper: And you'll never have to worry about anyone else getting a supernatural mayday from it.","Phoebe:: Yeah, well, thanks for getting ours, Phoebe.","(They look at each other.)","Piper: Hey, how did you get the collar from Malcolm?","Phoebe: Oh, I used the very complex, very different kind of smarts.","Prue: You picked his pocket.","Phoebe: I picked his pocket.","Piper: Phoebe!","Phoebe: What, he was a warlock... smartest thing I've ever done.","[Scene: P3.]","Piper: \"A new heating and cooling system, retrofitting, imported prestressed I-Beams, architectural flooring\". Your estimate requires a $\u00bc million and a crew of 75. I gotta tell you, Dan. I'm not feeling real guilty about not helping Jenny with that paper.","Dan: Well, actually, those were Phoebe's suggestions.","Piper: Phoebe?! Hah! Can you fix it cheap and fix it quick?","Dan: In a couple of days, sure.","Piper: Great. You're hired. You can take that with you (about the estimate)","(we see Phoebe and Prue talking... Dan comes there)","Dan: Hey Prue.","Prue: Hi.","Dan: Phoebe...","Phoebe: Hey.","Dan: You got a minute?","Phoebe: Uh, yeah!. Is it about Piper?","Dan: No, it's actually about Jenny's paper","Phoebe: You know, I wasn't really myself that day. Is there a problem?","(Dan hands Phoebe the paper.)","Dan: No, it's not due till Friday. But I really appreciate your help...I think.","Phoebe: Uh... Yeah, okay.","(She hides the paper)","Dan: I'd really appreciate if Jenny could do her own work in her handwriting using her own smarts... if you know what I mean.","Phoebe: I certainly do! (He laughs and leaves.) All right... (to Prue) You don't wanna know.","Prue: Uh huh!","Phoebe: You know, this whole smart spell thing, it really just made me realize that there's a lot of cool information out there.","Prue: I agree.","Phoebe: And who knows? Maybe I'll go back to college, take some night classes. I'm a smart girl, I'll figure it out.","Prue: Yes, you will. Just don't lose that common sense. We may need it to save the day again.","(Piper comes in.)","Piper: What are we talking about?","Phoebe: Right now, the job that I will not be getting.","(She rips up the aptitude test.)","Piper: Smart move, Pheebs. Now, open your present.","Phoebe: Oh! Wait... you guys got me shoes and a purse?","Prue: Very smart looking, wouldn't say, Piper?","Piper: Pure genius, Prue.","Phoebe: Enough with that already.","(Prue grabs Jenny's paper.)","Prue: Okay, you wanna explain this?","Phoebe: Okay.. Well, that's Piper","Prue: Ooh, sure!","Phoebe: And that's Dan.","Prue: I see!","Piper: That's not funny."],"Show Title":"Charmed","Episode Number":"02x03","Episode Title":"The Painted World","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Charmed_02x06.json","Recap":["A trio of film students are the victims of a heart-stealing evil witch, Tuatha, who escapes from over two hundred years of entombment, hunting for her wand. Leo returns to help get the wand into the hands of the only person who can use the wand for good, the Chosen One, and bumps into Piper who has a new love interest: Dan. Trying to put the awkwardness aside, Leo, Piper, and Phoebe find the Chosen One, who turns out to be a reluctant teenager named Kyle, while Prue stumbles across the wand. Ignoring Leo's warnings, the sisters attempt to find and defeat the witch and barely escape with their lives. Protected only by a fake courage potion concocted by Prue, Kyle saves the day, destroying the evil witch by using the wand. The victory becomes bittersweet when Leo faces Piper's choice to end their difficult romance and begin a new one with Dan."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Somewhere in the bush. Two guys see a cave. One guy is holding a map.]","Guy #1: There. That's gotta be it.","Guy #2: I don't know. It looks kinda small to be a mine shaft doesn't it?","Guy #1: Maybe it was bigger in the 1800's. X marks the spot. Let's check it out.","(They walk inside. They see a skeleton on the ground.)","Guy #2: Definitely not a good sign.","Guy #1: You're such a wimp.","(Bats fly past them and scares guy #1.)","Guy #2: You were saying?","(They see writing on the cave.)","Guy #1: Ten bucks say this is where the gold is hidden.","Guy #2: Ryan, I think these are all warning signs.","Ryan: Stop worrying about it.","(Ryan gets out a hammer and chisel and starts chiseling at the rock. The rock cracks and dust blows out of it. It explodes and there stands Tuatha a bad witch with a snake around her neck.)","Tuatha: I'm free. What year is this?","Ryan: 1999.","Tuatha: Two hundred years? My wand. Where is my wand?","Ryan: Your what?","Tuatha: My wand! Where is it?","Guy #2: We don't know what you're talking about.","(Tuatha throws magical dust on them and they shrink.)","Tuatha: Too bad.","Ryan: What the hell just happened?","Guy #2: I don't know. She shrunk us.","(Tuatha places her snake on a bucket.)","Ryan: What do you think she wants?","Guy #2: How should I know? (Tuatha starts walking towards them.) Uh-oh. Here she comes. I told you this was too dangerous.","Ryan: Fine! But what are we gonna do now?","(Tuatha kneels down.)","Ryan\/Guy: Run!","(Tuatha picks them up and feeds them to her snake.)","Tuatha: You're welcome. Now, find my wand. (She puts magical dust on it.)","[Scene: Bucklands. Prue's on the phone talking to Phoebe.]","Prue: Phoebe, we are televising this live. Can't it wait?","[Cut to the manor. Phoebe's looking out the living room window.]","Phoebe: Prue, Dan's truck just pulled up outside.","Prue: Dan's truck? So?","Phoebe: So, Piper is with him and they're kissing. And I'm not talking about 'thanks for lunch' peck on the cheek kinda kiss. They mean business. (Phoebe turns away disgusted.)","Prue: Okay, what is the problem? They like each other, this is a good thing.","Phoebe: No, I know, I'm just worried that she's moving too fast. Like she's too in a hurry to get involved with someone else.","[Cut back to Prue. She walks in a room where there's lots of people, cameras, and a table with auction items on it.]","Prue: Look, Piper's a big girl and really, I mean, it's none of our business. Right? Right?","[Cut back to Phoebe. Piper and Dan are still kissing.]","Phoebe: Isn't it sort of our business?","Prue: Okay, Phoebe, Piper can not just sit around for the rest of her life waiting for Leo. She's trying to move on.","[Cut back to Prue. She picks up a wand off the table.]","Prue: Besides, Dan's a great guy.","Director: Okay, we're on in five, Miss Halliwell.","Prue: Uh, gotta go, okay, bye. (She hangs up.)","[Cut back to Phoebe. She looks out the window and see Dan and Piper walking towards the door.]","Phoebe: It's about freakin' time. (Leo orbs in.) Oh! Leo, whatever happened to knocking?","Leo: I'm sorry, Phoebe, but there's no time. Where's Prue and Piper? We have to talk.","Phoebe: Uh, you know, now's not really a good time. Okay, I know, how about you orb back in say an hour. Okay, that would be great, bye, bye.","Leo: I can't. The worst thing imaginable just happened.","(The door opens and Dan and Piper walk in laughing. They see Leo. Leo looks upset.)","Opening Credits","[Scene: Manor. Piper and Leo walk in the solarium.]","Piper: It's not that it isn't great to see you, Leo, because it is. But you can't just orb in whenever it's convenient.","Leo: It's never been a problem before.","Piper: Yeah, well, things have changed.","Leo: I can see that.","Piper: Leo ...","Leo: Sorry, wasn't fair. Where's Prue?","Piper: At work.","Leo: Fine. Then we'll have to start without her and your friend Dan has to leave now.","Piper: Oh, really? Why?","Leo: Because you and your sisters have a very big problem. A magical problem. Look, this isn't personal, it's business.","Piper: What else is new?","[Cut to Dan and Phoebe.]","Dan: You know, that handyman guy sure does hang around here a lot.","Phoebe: Well, it's an old house. Lots of things need fixing.","Dan: Then why does Piper look so upset?","Phoebe: Because there are some things he can't fix the way she wants it.","(Dan looks at his watch.)","Dan: You know, I'm late for a job. If you could just have her call me.","Phoebe: Oh-oh, oops. (She wipes lipstick off his face.) Lipstick.","Dan: Thanks. (He opens the door.) Are Piper and Leo ... ?","Phoebe: You're late. (He leaves.)","(Piper walks back in the foyer.)","Piper: Dan, wait. Well, I wouldn't know where to begin anyway.","Phoebe: Everything okay, sweetie?","Piper: Oh, no.","(Leo walks back in the foyer.)","Leo: Come on, we gotta get going.","Phoebe: Going? Where are we going?","Leo: I'll explain on the way.","Piper: No Leo, you'll explain now. We're not going anywhere.","Leo: Two hundreds years ago, a good witch turned evil, and started using her craft against innocents. Fortunately she was tricked in a cave and entombed. But unfortunately this morning Tuatha escaped.","Phoebe: Tuatha? Who wouldn't go bad with a name like that?","Piper: So, you want us to find her and vanquish her. What's the big deal?","Leo: The big deal is you can't vanquish her. No witch can. She kills good witches.","Piper: Leo, if we can't defeat her, than who can?","Leo: There's only one person. He's known as the Chosen One.","Phoebe: The Chosen One. Is he a witch?","Leo: No, he's a normal person. Other than the fact that he was born to use Tuatha's wand against her.","Piper: So, what do you want from us? Why don't you just go get him?","Leo: I need you to protect him from Tuatha until the wand comes to him. It shouldn't be long. Look, law has it that once the witch is free, the wand will find him. But is she finds it first ...","Phoebe: She'll kill the Chosen One.","Leo: And then she'll come after you too.","[Scene: Bucklands. Prue's doing her thing on TV. She's talking to a woman about the wand.]","Prue: The design of inlaid garnets with pewter and ebony is distinctly eighteenth century European.","Woman: Eighteenth century? I had no idea it was that old.","Prue: The facet cut amber headpiece surrounded by the symbolic snakes suggested that it was an ornamental staff or a ritual wand.","Woman: And I bought it at a flea market for fifteen dollars.","Prue: Betty, you will be very pleased to hear that at auction you could easily get five thousand dollars.","Betty: Good Lord.","(Jack Sheridan walks up to them.)","Jack: Of course an item is only worth as much as some is willing to pay for it. Isn't that right?","Prue: I'm sorry, who are you?","Jack: Jack Sheridan from Sheridan Internet auctions. If you own it, we can sell it.","Prue: Oh, okay, how nice for you, but this is my appraisal.","Jack: And it's a very impressive one too. But can you guarantee this nice lady that someone will actually pay five thousand dollars for this at auction?","Prue: Well, there are no guarantees but ...","Director: (quietly) Thirty seconds.","Jack: Betty, I'm willing to give you one thousand dollars cash today.","Prue: Yeah, well, than you'd be robbing her of four thousand dollars.","Jack: But you said yourself you can't guarantee that.","Prue: Well, I suppose you just have one thousand dollars cash in your pocket.","Jack: Would you like to find out yourself?","Prue: No need. I can tell there's not much there just by looking.","Jack: Betty, I can have one thousand dollars cash for you this afternoon. What do you say?","Betty: I say sold. (She writes her address down on some paper.) Here's my address and I'll see you there this afternoon.","Jack: It's a deal.","(She hands him the paper and she leaves.)","Director: Cut. And that's a wrap. Excellent folks. Very entertaining.","Prue: Yeah, for you.","Jack: Look, forgive me. I just wanted to be on the same stage as Prue Halliwell.","Prue: Why?","Jack: Because it gives my start up company instant credibility, that's why. You know, if the other specialists at Bucklands have your expertise and talents, I might reconsider the standing job offer. I turned them down last year.","Prue: You wouldn't like it here, Mr. Sheridan. We don't lie or cheat.","Jack: But I don't lie. You know what, I better get to the bank. I have a wand to buy.","(He starts to leave.)","Prue: (to herself) Wanna bet? (She uses her power and the piece of paper flies out of his pocket and Prue catches it.)","[Scene: Outside a school. Piper, Phoebe and Leo are walking down the pathway.]","Piper: I don't know, an evil witch who gets her jolly's killing good witches? Maybe we should of waited for Prue to get home.","Leo: There's no time.","Phoebe: Okay, please tell me we're here because the Chosen One is a big burly football coach.","Leo: No, but he is the seventh son of the seventh son. We've been watching him since he was a young boy.","Piper: Okay, so how old is he now?","Leo: See, over there. (Leo points and you see a teenage boy getting picked on.)","Piper: He's a high school student?","Phoebe: And he's a nerd.","Leo: Hey, I didn't choose him, they did. If he can help save your lives, that's all I care about.","Piper: Leo, he's a teenager. How can we let him go up against Tuatha? She'll destroy him.","Leo: Not if he finds the wand and learns how to use it. Besides, she knows he's the Chosen One. If we don't help him, she'll find him and destroy him anyway.","Phoebe: Doesn't sound like we have much of a choice.","Piper: This is wrong. He should be battling acne at his age, not evil witches.","(You see Kyle doing some magic tricks.)","Phoebe: Yeah, but look at us. Do we look like we should be the all powerful Charmed Ones?","Piper: What's his name?","Leo: Kyle. Kyle Gwydien.","Phoebe: Does he know yet?","Leo: No.","Piper: Any idea on how we're suppose to get him to come with us?","Phoebe: I have an idea. He likes magic, right? Let's show him ours.","(Kyle starts walking down the footpath. Piper and Phoebe go up to him.)","Phoebe: Hey, it's Kyle, right?","Kyle: Do I know you?","Phoebe: Not yet, but you will. You'll know the both of us.","Kyle: I think you might have me confused with somebody else.","Piper: Nope, you're the one.","Phoebe: The Chosen One.","Piper: That was real subtle.","Phoebe: You heard what Leo said, clocks are ticking. Hey, Kyle, do you believe in magic? Real magic?","Kyle: I gotta go. (He walks off.)","Phoebe: Piper, we have to show him before someone sees.","Piper: Kyle. (He turns around and Piper freezes him.) Now what?","Phoebe: You wait here. (Phoebe stands behind him. He unfreezes and looks around for Phoebe.) Behind you.","Kyle: How'd you do that?","Phoebe: Magic. Wanna know more?","[Scene: Betty's house. She places some cups of tea on a table. Tuatha's snake appears.]","Betty: Oh! Oh! Help me! Somebody! (She picks up the wand.) Help me! (Tuatha appears.)","Tuatha: (to the snake) Well done. (to Betty) That's my wand. (The wand flies over to Tuatha. The amber at the top of the wand starts glowing.)","Betty: My God, who are you?","Tuatha: The last being you will ever see.","(Betty screams.)","[Cut to the hallway. Prue's there. She hears Betty scream.]","Prue: Betty.","(She uses her power to open the door. You see Tuatha using her wand and Betty disappears. Prue uses her power and Tuatha flies across the room and she drops the wand. Prue picks it up and runs outside. Tuatha stands up.)","Tuatha: No, it's alright. We don't have to follow her. (She picks up her snake.) She's a good witch. She'll come back to us.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Piper, Phoebe, Leo and Kyle are sitting at a table.]","Kyle: So, you're witches?","Piper: Right.","Kyle: And I'm the Chosen One?","Phoebe: Correct.","Kyle: And-and-and why exactly am I the Chosen One again?","Leo: Because you're the only one who can defeat Tuatha.","Piper: Leo, please.","Leo: Look, I'm sorry, we don't have a lot of time here.","Piper: All the more reason not to freak Kyle out.","Kyle: Too late.","Phoebe: Look, Kyle, I know that this is a lot for you to take in and your first instinct is probably to resist it. I mean, I know that's how we felt when we first found out we were witches.","Piper: Still do sometimes.","Phoebe: But we've learned that you can not fight your destiny. It's like fighting who you are, who you're meant to be.","Leo: And your destiny is to vanquish the evil witch, Tuatha.","Kyle: I bet one of my brothers put you up to this, right? What, sean? No, no, I bet, I bet it was Ian. I'm always the butt of their jokes.","Phoebe: Kyle, listen.","Kyle: No, you listen. This is a joke. I'm not the Chosen One. I'm no one. You made a mistake.","(He starts to leave.)","Leo: Kyle, wait.","Phoebe: What do we do? What do we do?","Piper: Stop him.","[Cut to the foyer. Prue enters with the wand.]","Prue: (to Kyle) Whoa, who are you? (The wand glows.) It glowed.","Leo: That's the wand. It has to be. It recognizes you, Kyle.","Prue: Recognizes? What do you mean?","Piper: Where did you get that?","Prue: From someone I think I should tell you about in private.","Phoebe: Someone named Tuatha?","Prue: Tuatha?","Pheobe: Let Kyle hold the wand.","Leo: Go ahead, it won't hurt you.","(Prue hands Kyle the wand and it glows.)","Prue: Oh!","Leo: It found you, just like it's suppose to.","Prue: Okay, time out. Attic anyone? (She goes upstairs.)","Piper: Kyle, won't you go in the kitchen and help yourself to anything you want. That is if you're staying.","Kyle: I'm staying. I don't know for how long though.","(Phoebe and Piper go upstairs.)","Leo: I'll be right back.","[Cut to the attic.]","Prue: Leo, he is just a kid. Besides, you haven't seen Tuatha's power. I mean, she made a woman disappear literally.","Leo: It's his destiny to defeat Tuatha, Prue.","Prue: Then why did I get the wand?","Leo: To make sure it got to him. It's part of the law. If you guys were meant to defeat Tuatha there would be a spell in the Book Of Shadows and there isn't.","Piper: He's right, we checked.","Leo: Which means we need to spend what little time we have teaching Kyle how to use the wand.","Prue: Look, Leo, I know that you've never guided us down the wrong path before, but please at least let us try to defeat Tuatha. If we fail, then fine, we'll help you with Kyle.","Leo: She'll kill you.","Prue: Don't bet on it. Alright, we need to start by finding out where Tuatha is before she finds us. (Phoebe and Prue start walking towards the door.) Piper, are you with us?","(Piper stares at Leo.)","Piper: Yep.","[Cut to the kitchen. Kyle is looking at the wand. Jenny enters.]","Jenny: Hey, it's me.","Kyle: Hi.","Jenny: Who are you?","Kyle: Apparently I'm the Chosen One.","Jenny: I haven't seen you around before. What's you name?","Kyle: Kyle.","Jenny: Jenny. You a friend of theirs?","Kyle: No, no, I'm just helping them out with something. Maybe ... I don't know.","Jenny: Well, what's that?","Kyle: It's magic.","Jenny: I don't believe in magic.","Kyle: You kidding? Everybody believes in magic.","Jenny: Not me. (Kyle puts the wand on the tip of his finger and it starts spinning around.) That is so cool. How are you doing that?","Kyle: I have no idea.","(Leo enters.)","Leo: What the hell do you think you're doing?","(Kyle stops it from spinning.)","Kyle: I-I was just ...","Leo: Telling your friend goodbye.","Jenny: Fine, I can take a hint. Just tell Piper that my Uncle Dan needs to talk to her okay.","Kyle: Sure.","Jenny: Bye.","Leo: Bye. (She leaves.) So, you still think you're not the Chosen One?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Cave. Tuatha moves a rock and a book is there. She picks it up.]","Tuatha: There you are. (She opens it up and you can see spells written in it. She turns to a spell.) \"To disempower a witch.\" Fresh, human heart.","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper and Phoebe has found a spell in the Book Of Shadows.]","Phoebe: Here it is. A scrying spell.","Piper: Scrying? What's that?","Phoebe: It's what witches use to magically find something or someone. It says that we need a map, a piece of string and a crystal. Okay.","[Scene: In the bush. A guy is walking along talking to a camera.]","Guy: Day three. I'm definitely lost in the woods. Separated from the other two. Running out of food, water, a little scared.","(He sees Tuatha.)","Tuatha: Sorry, did I scare you?","Guy: Oh, yeah, you did.","Tuatha: Are you lost?","Guy: Yeah, totally. Just walking around in circles. A couple of friends and me were making a documentary on the Blair Witch.","(Tuatha stands closer to him and throws some magical dust on his chest. She reaches in his chest and grabs his heart.)","Tuatha: Did you know it takes fifteen to twenty seconds for a person to die after their heart has been damaged? And since that time is almost up, from the bottom of my heart I thank you.","(The guy falls to the ground and Tuatha walks off holding his heart.)","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe is holding the crystal above a map. The crystal moves to a place on the map.]","Phoebe: Okay, we found her. Lost caves, Mura woods.","[Cut to downstairs. Kyle is trying to make the wand spin on his finger again.]","Kyle: Yeah, I can't make it do it again.","Leo: You did it before.","Kyle: I don't know how. I mean, I was just trying to impress Jenny, that's all.","Leo: Well, that's how. It came from your heart, from inside of you. You willed it.","Kyle: So what? So, I'm supposed to will some evil witch dead? Why me? You know, I don't understand, out of all people.","Leo: Don't sell yourself short, Kyle. You saw what you did before. Now, that was you. All you have to do is believe in yourself. Now try it again.","(Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk in.)","Phoebe: Leo, we found her.","Prue: So, we're gonna go pay her a little visit.","Leo: No, wait don't. please.","Piper: It's nothing personal, Leo. It's just business.","(They walk to the door. Prue opens it and there stands Jack.)","Prue: You.","Jack: Ah, thrilled to see me, I see. You know, this is a really nice house, Prue. Bucklands obviously pays better than I thought.","Prue: What do you want and how did you find me?","Jack: I followed your scent. That musk. The Cartier, right? Now, that is a classy perfume, though I'm hardly surprised. Can I have my wand back please? See, Betty never called and I couldn't contact her because her address mysteriously fell out of my pocket somehow. You wouldn't know anything about that would you?","Prue: You're blaming me for something that you lost? Isn't that a little juvenile? I mean what's next? A shoving match under the jungle gym or war over juice cups?","Piper: Prue, we really need to get going.","Jack: The wand is mine, Prue, and you know it. All is fair in love and war.","(Dan appears behind Jack.)","Dan: Piper?","Piper: Hi, Dan.","(Leo walks in the foyer.)","Leo: Piper, wait.","Dan: Is he still here?","Leo: Never left actually.","Jack: Prue, I'm kind of in a hurry here, so if I could just get my wand.","Phoebe: You know what? Dan, Piper will call you back later, you, whoever you are, sorry no wand, Leo, keep working with Kyle just in case, us, out the back door, out the back door.","(They go out the back door.)","Dan: (to Leo) Don't you have some other house to repair?","Leo: No.","[Scene: In the bush. Prue, Piper and Phoebe ar there.]","Phoebe: We should be getting close. Hey, there it is.","(They walk up to the cave.)","Piper: Kinda creepy in there and dark.","Prue: Alright, I'll go in first since she only knows about me. You guys just wait a couple of seconds then follow.","(Prue walks inside the cave.)","[Cut to inside the cave. Bats fly past her and scares her. She then sees the skeleton.]","Prue: (whispering) Okay, okay, okay, okay. (She sees bones and a heart sitting on a rock. Tuatha stands behind her.)","Tuatha: Thank you for not keeping me waiting long.","(Prue turns around.)","Prue: How did you know that","Tuatha: You witches are always so predictable. (Prue tries to use her power but it doesn't work.)","Like I said, I cast a spell to remove your powers. Obviously you didn't count on that, witch.","(Piper and Phoebe walk in the cave.)","Phoebe: And obviously you didn't count on her sister witches.","(Tuatha throws a small bomb-like thing near them and they fall to the ground. Prue runs over to them.)","Prue: Are you guys okay?","Tuatha: Three witches. I'll be ready for that next time. (She disappears.)","Phoebe: Cool. (Prue and Piper look at her.) Well, it was.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Living room. Kyle is trying to work the wand.)","Leo: Both hands. Alright, you have to use both hands.","Kyle: But I didn't need both hands when I made it spin before.","Leo: Well, you'll need both hands against Tuatha. If she gets the wand from you, she becomes invincible and you will not be able to vanquish her. Now, just do as I say. Pretend I'm evil, alright, you connect to your destiny by connecting to yourself. Will me away. (He tries to but nothing happens.)","Kyle: Look, give it up, Obe One, alright, you got the wrong guy.","Leo: No, I don't. Alright, you are not just the seventh son, you are the seventh generation of chosen ones. It's in your blood, you just have to believe.","Kyle: Believe in what? Myself? Forget it.","Leo: Innocent people are going to die, are you wiling to live with that?","Kyle: No, no, don't you lay that crap on me.","Leo: Oh, does that make you mad? Good. At least that means finally you're being a real you.","Kyle: Screw you.","Leo: That's right, get pissed at me. Show me your anger. Maybe you'll figure out what you're really angry about, huh. (He throws him the wand.) You don't think you're the chosen one, you think you're the forgotten one. Sick and tired of it too aren't you. Well, aren't you? (Kyle gets mad, the wand glows and Leo flies through the glass window.)","Kyle: Leo?","(Leo orbs in behind him.)","Leo: Not bad.","(Prue, Piper and Phoebe run in.)","Phoebe: What was that crash? What happened in here?","Leo: A little training, that's all.","Prue: That's all? Do you have any idea how much that's gonna cost to fix?","Piper: Well, I know who's gonna be fixing it. Leo, what if somebody saw you?","Leo: Someone like neighbour Dan? Hey, you're bleeding. (You see a cut on Piper's forehead.)","Piper: It's nothing.","Kyle: So, did you guys kick some butt or what?","Phoebe: Or what.","Prue: Tuatha was ready for us, or at least for me. She stripped away my power.","Piper: And then literally disappeared before I had the chance to freeze her. And it's a good thing she wasn't expecting all three of us otherwise we wouldn't have gotten out of there.","Leo: You're lucky you did. Now, will you help me with Kyle?","Prue: Why are you so ready to send a teenager up against an evil that we can't even defeat?","Leo: Because he can. At least he can with the wand. And he's getting better at it too.","Kyle: Uh-uh. I'm outta here.","Leo: Kyle, wait.","Kyle: No, what the hell is the matter with you? They're even scared of her. I told you, you have made a huge mistake. I can't do this. (He throws the wand on the couch and leaves.)","Piper: Leo, you can't make him. Even if it is his destiny.","Phoebe: I hope he doesn't tell anyone we're witches.","Prue: Won't matter much if we're dead. Okay, nobody knows the Book of Shadows better than you. So, if black magic can strip away powers, then surely white magic can do the same, right? (Phoebe nods.) Let's go.","[Scene: In the bush. A girl and a guy is there.]","Heather: Joshua?","Michael: I'm telling you Hez, he's dead.","Heather: He's not dead, Michael. Joshua!","(Tuatha appears.)","Tuatha: Looking for the Blair witch?","(They scream.)","[Scene: Later on in the cave, Tuatha is saying a spell.]","Tuatha: \"Before the passing of this hour, take away all of their powers.\" (She puts some magical dust on her snake.) Find my wand.","[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper's dabbing her cut on her forehead with a wet towel. Leo comes in.]","Leo: Want me to heal that for you?","Piper: I'm fine.","Leo: Come on.","Piper: No. It's gets all confusing when we're close and when you touch me. I don't wanna be confused anymore.","Leo: Hey.","Piper: Look, Leo, you just do your job and I'll do mine, okay.","Leo: This is my job, Piper.","(He heals Piper's cut.)","Piper: Thanks.","Leo: He'll never understand you, you know. Your secret, what you're all about. Not like I can.","Piper: Maybe not, but at least I can count on him being there when I need him.","[Scene: The street. Kyle is walking along the pathway. Dan's car drives past.]","Jenny: Kyle! Uncle Dan, stop.","Dan: Who's he?","Jenny: Just some friend of Pipers. He's cool. I'll be home soon.","Dan: Soon when?","Jenny: An hour.","Dan: It's a school night.","Jenny: Half and hour. (She gets out of the car.) Hey, where you going?","Kyle: Just outta here.","Jenny: Where's your magic wand?","Kyle: It's not mine. It never was.","Jenny: Sure could of fooled me. Are you okay?","Kyle: How long have you known the Halliwells?","Jenny: A couple of months. Why?","Kyle: They have this screwed up idea that I'm that I'm somebody I'm not. Never mind, it-it doesn't matter.","Jenny: Phoebe once told me that if it matters to you it matters. If they think you're something Kyle, than you probably are.","Kyle: Thanks.","[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper's there. Tuatha's snake appears. Prue and Phoebe walk in.]","Piper: Any luck?","Phoebe: Well, I did find one spell but it requires a human heart and unfortunately we're still using ours.","Piper: Well, take mine. All it does is get me in trouble anyway.","(Leo comes in.)","Leo: Snake!","Piper: Oh, I'm the snake, but you're the one who","Leo: Snake!","(Piper sees the snake and runs over to the other side of the room. Prue gets a fireplace tool and cuts it in half. The two halves then turn into two snakes.)","Piper: Look out.","Prue: Oh, oh, Piper, freeze them.","Piper: I'm trying, it's not working. Prue","Phoebe: Prue","[Cut to outside. Kyle is at the doorway.]","Piper's voice: Prue, what should we do?","(Kyle hears her and he runs inside.)","Phoebe: Kyle.","Piper: Leo, do something.","(Leo grabs the wand and throws it to Kyle.)","Leo: Kyle, catch.","Kyle: Die! (The snakes disappear.)","Prue: Thanks.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Dining room. There are potions on the table.]","Phoebe: Okay, this is the potion to induce sleep, this one is to repel an evil threat and that one puts out a fire","Prue: What kind of potion does that?","Phoebe: That's water. I didn't have a lot of time, it was the best I could do, okay.","Piper: But what about the potion to give Kyle more courage?","Phoebe I remembered wrong. There isn't one.","Piper: Well that's disappointing.","Phoebe: You guys. I'm scared. And not just for him but for us. I don't like feeling so powerless.","Piper: Maybe that's our lesson for the day. Not taking our powers for granted.","Prue: But if we're gonna get our powers back, then we're gonna have to help Kyle defeat Tuatha. And we're just gonna have to find a way to make Kyle feel more courageous without magic, that's all. (She picks up the bottle that has water in it.) Come on. (They walk in the living room.) How's it going?","Leo: Good. I think he's ready.","Kyle: I'm ready. I'm as ready as I can be. You know, it's funny, uh, I always wanted to be somebody special. You should be careful what you wish for.","Piper: Believe me, we can relate.","(Tuatha appears.)","Prue: Phoebe, the sleeping potion.","(Phoebe throws a bottle at her feet. She does a fake yawn.)","Tuatha: So young, so new to the craft. Now, this is a sleeping potion. (She throws something at Phoebe's feet and Phoebe falls to the ground. Leo goes over to Phoebe and he falls asleep too. She then throws something at Prue and Piper and their feet turn to water.)","Piper: Hey, what the ?","Tuatha: Now, the wand if you please. (The wand floats through the air to Tuatha.) Not much of a chosen one are you? At least the last one was able to entomb me. And I will now entomb you.","Piper: Prue, the courage potion.","(Prue throws the bottle of water at Kyle's feet.)","Tuatha: What? There is no courage potion.","Prue: No? Now look who's teaching who. Kyle, get the wand, you can do it.","Kyle: I wish for the wand.","(The wand starts floating to Kyle.)","Tuatha: My wand!","(The wand stops and starts floating back to her. It hovers in the middle as they try to get the wand to go to them.)","Piper: Don't give up Kyle. Believe.","(The wand finally floats over to Kyle.)","Kyle: I wish you gone forever.","Tuatha: Noooo!","(Tuatha disappears.)","Piper: Leo. (She walks over to him and helps him up in the chair.) You're hurt.","Leo: I'm okay.","(Phoebe, still asleep on the floor, makes some little noises and rolls over.)","Piper: Let me get you some ice.","Leo: Really, I'm fine.","Piper: Are you getting even?","Leo: Just finally getting it. What you deserve. A normal life or at least a normal life as you can get, which means a normal relationship, which I can't give you. I guess we know now why witches and white lighters aren't supposed to fall in love, huh.","(He orbs out. Prue walks up to Kyle. He's looking at the wand.)","Kyle: It's broken.","Prue: It served its purpose.","Kyle: Yeah. Thanks to your magical boost of courage.","Prue: Kyle. Tuatha was right. There was no courage potion. We made it up. You defeated her all by yourself.","Kyle: Well, still it doesn't change anything. No one would believe me even if I told them what I did.","Prue: Yeah, but you know what you did. And as long as you keep believing in that, you can change what ever you want. Who knows what you're still destined for.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: P3. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are walking down the stairs.]","Piper: What are you going to tell him about what happened to the poor lady who owned the wand?","Prue: Well, what can I tell him? Look, I called him because I just wanna get rid of this thing, that's all.","Phoebe: Are you sure it's just not an excuse to see him again?","Prue: Phoebe, don't be ridiculous. This is business, it's not personal.","Phoebe: Where have I heard that before?","Piper: Oh, gotta date, gotta go.","Phoebe: Well, for what it's worth, I think Jack is pretty cute.","Prue: Yeah, well, he's a jerk. How do I look?","Phoebe: Fab.","Prue: Thanks. (She walks over to Jack who's at the bar.) Hey, um, I just thought that you might want to have this back. I mean, after all it is rightfully yours. (She gives him the wand and starts to leave.)","Jack: Uh, hold it. What's wrong with this picture?","Prue: Look's like it broke.","Jack: Keen eye, Prue. It kinda lowers the value of the wand, don't you think?","Prue: Bright side. At least it's worth what you were going to buy it for now.","Jack: Come on. Have a drink. You can brag to me how you out-smarted me with the wand. I do like to learn from the best.","Prue: Okay, I'll brag a little. (She sits down.)","Jack: Bartender.","[Cut to Piper. Dan walks up to her.]","Piper: Hi.","Dan: Hi. After you.(Piper sits down and then Dan does.)","Piper: Thanks for coming. I hope late, late dinner is okay with you.","Dan: Look, I'm gonna make this easier for you. I know that you and that handyman, Leon","Piper: Leo.","Dan: Right, Leo. I know you guys were more than just friends. I'm not dumb. I mean, he's always around the house.","Piper: Dan, it's over. (Dan looks upset.) Oh, no, I don't mean you and me, I meant him and me. That's why I wanted to see you tonight. I didn't want there to be anymore confusion.","Dan: Are you sure?","Piper: Yeah, I'm sure. (They kiss.)"],"Show Title":"Charmed","Episode Number":"02x06","Episode Title":"That OId Black Magic","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Charmed_03x22.json","Recap":["Prue and Piper bring a doctor to the manor, to protect him from a powerful demonic assassin named Shax, who was sent by The Source. When Shax breaks into the manor, he throws Prue and Piper through a wall, causing them to almost die, until Leo arrives with enough time to heal them. Phoebe uses a vanquishing spell on Shax but it does not kill him. While searching for Shax out in the streets, Prue and Piper are caught on live television using their powers, thus exposing themselves as witches. Phoebe goes to the Underworld to find Cole and while there, they are forced to strike a deal with Tempus to travel back in time to before it was revealed that magic existed. They travel back successfully but Phoebe, Cole, and Leo are now trapped in the Underworld, leaving Prue and Piper lying unconscious on the floor from when Shax blasted them in his initial attack."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Manor. Prue, Piper, Phoebe and a doctor walk inside.]","Piper: Okay, I think we made it. I'm sure we made it. Do you think we made it?","Prue: I don't know.","Phoebe: I think he would've attacked by now if we hadn't.","Doctor: Who? Who would've attacked? Why won't you tell me what's going on?","Phoebe: Because we're busy trying to save your life.","Doctor: From who?","Prue: Uh, unfortunately we're not quite sure.","Piper: That's because Phoebe did not give us time to figure it out.","Phoebe: Well, I didn't have a lot of time, I mean, I can't control how far in the future my premonitions take place. I saw the attack, we kicked butt, what more do you want?","Piper: I would like to know more about who we are up against.","Prue: Okay, Phoebe, maybe you should check the Book of Shadows, see if you can find anything else on this demonic hit man, okay?","Doctor: Excuse me, demonic?","Piper: And how to vanquish him, that would be a good thing to know, and do not get side tracked with the Cole potion thingy because the only ones we are concerned about saving right now is ourselves.","(Phoebe turns and heads up the stairs.)","Prue: Ah, okay, what Cole potion?","Piper: Ah, he told her that he only killed because some demon cast a spell on him. How naive is that?","Prue: I thought she was over him?","Piper: Apparently not.","Doctor: What the hell are you talking about? First you tell me my life's in danger, then you abduct me from my work, now you're talking about demons and witches. Who the hell are you people?","Prue: Look, I know that this all sounds incredible, but it doesn't make it any less true. Alright, you're a healer, you do good, now either you have saved too many lives or you're about to save a life that they don't want you to save.","Doctor: They?","Prue: Yeah, demons. Uh, more specifically, Shax. He was the Source's assassin.","Doctor: Hold it, I get it. This is a practical joke, right? Do you have a hidden camera here? My second wife put you up to this? Ah, it's just like her. (He laughs.)","Prue: O-o-okay, Dr. Griffiths, listen to me, this is anything but...","(She stops.)","Piper: What?","Prue: I don't know, I just felt a chill. Phoebe?","Phoebe: (from upstairs) Alright, alright, I'm coming!","(A tornado of wind twists through the front door.)","Piper: Phoebe!","Prue: Phoebe!","(The tornado flies through the foyer and knocks Prue and Piper to the floor. A clap of thunder is heard, and the tornado calms down and Shax appears. He is a tall demon and is gray all over. Gray long hair, gray skin, gray unbuttoned shirt and gray long pants.)","Doctor: Dear god.","Prue: No!","(Prue gets up off the floor and pushes the Doctor out of the way. Shax throws an energy ball at Prue and she literally crashes straight through a wall.)","Piper: Prue!","(Piper gets up and Shax throws an energy ball at Piper, sending her crashing through a wall. Shax turns to the Doctor.)","Doctor: What are you?","Shax: The end.","(Phoebe comes down the stairs, holding a piece of paper.)","Phoebe: \"Evil wind that blows, that which forms below, (cracks of thunder are heard) no longer may you dwell, (Shax groans) death takes you with this spell.\" (Shax turns back into the wind and disappears outside. Phoebe sees Prue and Piper.) Oh, no. (She goes over to them. They are unconscious and bleeding.) Oh, god. Leo! Leo! (Leo orbs in.) Hurry, it's bad.","(Leo kneels down beside them and places his left hand above Prue and his right hand above Piper. He starts to heal them. After a moment the blood disappears and they are completely healed. They wake up and groan in pain.)","Piper: Ahh, what happened?","Leo: You guys almost died, that's what happened.","Piper: Yeah, well, what else is new?","Prue: Oh, where's Shax?","Phoebe: Well, I tried to use the vanquishing spell on him but I think it just wounded him. He turned into the wind.","Prue: Maybe the spell needs more than one witch to have it's full impact. Okay, come on.","(Prue gets up and then helps Piper up.)","Piper: Come on? Where?","Prue: To find him so we can finish him off while he's still hurt. (to Phoebe) Look, you just stay here with Griffiths, alright. If Shax comes back, say the spell to fend him off, okay? Ow. Come on.","(Prue and Piper go outside. Leo looks at the Doctor, who's in shock.)","[Cut outside. Prue and Piper are running down the street.]","Piper: Maybe Phoebe hurt him worse than we thought.","Prue: No, he's gotta be around here somewhere, he wouldn't leave without getting what he came for.","Piper: Do you really think he'd attack us in broad day light? Evil is usually more insidious than that.","(They stop.)","Prue: Ah, okay, shh.","Piper: What? (The tornado comes up behind them. They turn around and gasp. The tornado dies down and Shax appears. He throws an energy ball at them, and Prue deflects it back with her power. It hits him but doesn't harm him.) Blow this! (Piper holds out her hands and blows up Shax. He disappears.) Okay, is he dead?","Prue: Well, we didn't really say the spell.","Piper: Well, maybe we won't have to. We don't always. We're lucky nobody saw us.","Prue: Alright, let's just get back to Phoebe. Come on.","(They walk back towards the manor.)","[Cut to down the street. A female reporter and a camera man are watching Prue and Piper. She turns back to the camera.]","Reporter: Back to me, back to me, back to me. (The camera man points his camera at her.) Okay, um, I'm not exactly sure what just happened, but whatever it was, you saw it here... live.","Opening Credits","[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Prue, Phoebe and the Doctor are sitting on the cane chairs. Piper walks in holding a glass of water, and hands it to the Doctor.]","Doctor: Thank you.","(He takes a sip.)","Phoebe: Now you understand why you have to keep this a secret? Why you can't tell anyone about us, about what you saw today.","Prue: If others knew, we wouldn't be able to do what we do anymore. We wouldn't be able to help future innocents like we helped you.","Doctor: No, I understand. I mean, I don't understand everything. Demons, witches, the Source. So much for being an atheist. Your secret is safe with me.","Phoebe: Thank you.","Doctor: No, thank you. You saved my life, the least I can do is protect yours.","Phoebe: Okay, I'll walk you to the door.","(Phoebe and the Doctor stand up.)","Prue: Bye.","(They leave the room. Leo walks in.)","Leo: How'd it go?","Piper: We dodged another bullet.","Prue: Yeah, with him maybe.","Leo: What do you mean?","Prue: I don't know, I mean, something still bothers me about the way that we vanquished Shax. Like, I'm not so sure we really did.","Piper: What do you mean? He screamed, he went poof, just like they all do. Third demon in a row, by the way, that I vanquished with my new power, but who's counting?","(Phoebe walks back in.)","Prue: Right, but if that's all that we needed, then why was there a vanquishing spell in the book? I mean, hasn't that always meant that our individual powers weren't enough?","Leo: Except the book was written by witches with less powers than you guys have. They needed the spells.","Phoebe: Plus, I think if he was still alive, he probably would've attacked us again by now.","Prue: Ah, you know, Leo, can you just check to make sure, please? With the Elders?","Leo: No problem.","(Leo orbs out.)","Piper: If you ask me, I think you're being paranoid. We kicked Shax's ass. We bad.","Prue: Yes, you're probably right.","Phoebe: Then I'm hoping you won't need me around here for a while. I wanna try a new potion on Cole. One that'll reverse the spell that turned him bad in the first place.","Piper: Phoebe...","Phoebe: I'm not looking for your approval, Piper, just your support.","Prue: Well, Phoebe, it's sort of hard to give you support when you're just setting yourself up to get hurt again.","Phoebe: Cole is good inside, I know it. And if dark magic did this to him, then how come white magic can't save him? I can't just turn my back, I have to try.","Piper: What do you want us to do?","Phoebe: I want you to use the magic to magic spell to send me down there. I reworded it to make it work.","(Phoebe hands Piper a piece of paper.)","Piper: Uh, Phoebe, that's awfully dangerous. If something goes wrong we won't be able to contact each other.","Phoebe: I'll be safe, I'll be with Cole. And he'll bring me back, so don't worry about that.","Prue: You're banking a lot on that little potion of yours, you know.","Phoebe: No, I'm not. I'm banking on Cole.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Cave in the underworld. Cole is sleeping on some straw. He is wearing a black robe. Phoebe appears. She crouches down beside him and strokes his hair.]","Phoebe: Cole, wake up.","(Cole wakes up.)","Cole: Phoebe. (He gets up.) What are you doing here?","Phoebe: I came to bring you back.","(He grabs her around the neck.)","Cole: You just made a huge mistake.","[Scene: News studio. The cameraman walks in a room full of people and hands a video tape to Elana, the news reporter.]","Dave: Hey, pipe down everybody. Quiet! Close that damn door! (The cameraman closes the door.) Now, what we talk about in this room stays in this room until I say otherwise, alright? (to Elana) Go ahead.","(Elana turns on the TV and plays the tape.)","Elana: (on TV) Seismologists believe that this quiet neighbourhood is actually sitting on top of fault lines.","(Elana and the cameraman hear a noise and the cameraman points the camera at Prue and Piper vanquishing Shax.)","Cameraman: What the hell?","Elana: Oh my god. Back to me, back to me.","(Elana turns off the TV. The silent room turns into quiet murmurs.)","Dave: Has this hit the network feed yet?","News Director: No, but if we don't send it, some idiot out there who taped it will.","Man: Which means we won't be able to control the revenues.","Dave: Hold it. We don't even know what the hell it is we've got here yet. Can we just start with that, please? Elana?","Elana: I don't know. I mean, you saw it. What else could it be other than something... supernatural?","News Director: Oh, come on, give me a break. Could've been anything. Some kind of military deal, publicity stunt.","Cameraman: Right, publicity stunt. For what? NASA?","Elana: Yeah, besides, why would they pull a stunt? They didn't even know we were there.","News Director: You don't know that. Maybe they only pretended not to know. For all we know, this is just a hoax.","Dave: Yep, and if it is and we send it out before we authenticate it, we're gonna look like fools.","Elana: We can't put the genie back in the bottle, Dave. 200,000 viewers saw it live. What do you wanna do?","(He thinks for a moment.)","Dave: Go find out who these women are, fast. But be careful, okay? They may not want to be found.","(Elana smiles, and she and the cameraman leave the room.)","[Scene: Outside the manor. Prue and Piper are on the sidewalk. Prue is crouching down looking at the ground.]","Piper: What did you expect to find?","(Prue stands up.)","Prue: I don't know, something though.","Piper: Well, demons don't usually leave footprints, remember?","Prue: No, but sometimes they leave a residue when they've been vanquished. Something otherwise innocuous. Look, I just don't understand how we could vanquish such a powerful demon without a spell.","Piper: But frankly I'm more worried about Phoebe than Shax. We shouldn't have let her go.","Prue: Phoebe can take care of herself, Dr. Griffiths can't. (They start walking up the street.) Look, Piper, I've had a bad feeling about this. I've had one all day. If there's one thing I've learned since becoming a witch, is to trust those feelings.","(They walk past a little girl standing in front of her house.)","Piper: Hi.","(The little girl's mother goes up to her and quickly pulls her inside.)","Mother: Come on, sweetie, stay away from them.","(Piper looks back at them.)","Prue: Hey.","[Scene: Police station. Darryl brings in a handcuffed man and takes him over to a chair.]","Darryl: Sit.","(The man sits down. The captain approaches Darryl.)","Captain: Morris.","Darryl: Captain?","Captain: Looks like all those freaky rumours about you and the Halliwells might not have been rumours after all.","Darryl: What do you mean? (Captain looks at the TV and so does Darryl. He sees the footage of Prue and Piper vanquishing Shax.) Oh, no.","[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. The TV is on. Piper is there. Prue walks in. She's on the phone.]","Prue: No, I understand. How long will he be in there? Okay, just have Dr. Griffiths call me as soon as possible. Alright, thanks. Bye. (She hangs up.) Okay, well, at least Griffiths is in surgery, for now. No way Shax will attack him in there.","Piper: Okay, but what do we do then? We can't protect him indefinitely.","Prue: Well, if I'm right we won't have to. I mean, Shax will attack sooner rather than later. We should go.","Piper: No, we should wait, for Leo. To see what he found out, especially with Phoebe gone. I mean, what if we need the power of three?","(The phone rings.)","Prue: Oh, maybe that's Griffiths. (Prue picks up the phone.) Hello? No, Darryl, just wait, slow down, okay. What?","[Cut to Darryl at the police station.]","Darryl: Have you seen the TV yet today? It's all over it.","Prue: What's all over it, Darryl?","Darryl: Just turn on the TV, okay?","[Cut back to the manor.]","Darryl: I told the captain I would handle it.","(Prue and Piper look at the TV in the kitchen. It's showing the footage of Prue and Piper vanquishing Shax.)","Piper: Oh my god!","Darryl: (on phone) Prue? Prue?","(The footage changes to Elana and her cameraman in a car.)","Elana: (on TV) Here we are approaching the home of where they allegedly live.","Prue: Oh!","(She drops the phone and covers her mouth in shock.)","(Elana is now standing in front of the manor.)","Elana: (on TV) Prue, Piper and Phoebe Halliwell. And you're gonna meet them live right here on KCSF.","Piper: What are we gonna do?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Outside the manor. Dozens of cameramen, reporters, etc. are standing on the sidewalk. Two vans are parked on the street. Darryl pulls up in his car and gets out. Reporters race over to him.]","Reporter #1: Have you come to arrest them? Do you consider them dangerous?","Darryl: No comment. (He heads for the stairs and the reporters follow.) I said no comment.","(Darryl walks up the stairs where Elana and a woman named Alice are.)","Alice: Hey, hey, I can help. I know who they are, I know what they are. They're witches just like me. Just like I am.","(Darryl approaches the door.)","Darryl: Yeah, Prue, I'm at the door, open it up.","Elana: Would you like to make a statement?","(Prue opens the door.)","Darryl: I said no comment.","Elana: Miss Halliwell...","Prue: Back off!","(Darryl goes inside and Prue shuts the door.)","[Cut to inside. Piper walks in the foyer.]","Piper: Isn't that illegal? Can't you do something about that?","Darryl: Hey, killing somebody on live TV is pretty illegal too, you know.","Prue: Okay, it wasn't somebody, Darryl, it was a demon. And we're pretty sure we didn't kill him anyway.","Darryl: Do you wanna try telling them that?","Prue: Ugh...","Darryl: Look, I've called for backup, but that's not gonna help for long. This thing's gonna get ugly fast.","Piper: We shouldn't have followed Shax into the street.","Prue: We didn't have a choice, Piper.","Piper: Didn't we?","Prue: Sure, we could've let him kill our innocent. That would've been better, you think? Alright, you know what? Let's not let this thing get between us, okay? We have enough problems as it is, please.","Darryl: More than you know. The captain wants me to bring you in for questioning.","Prue: Right, Darryl, and what do we tell him? The truth?","Darryl: What are you gonna tell them? (the people outside) (Darryl's cell phone rings.) Captain? (He walks in another room.)","Prue: You know, maybe when Phoebe's done saving Cole, she can come back and save us.","(Leo orbs in.)","Piper: Hello, Leo, nice of you to orb in. Where have you been?","Leo: Trying to figure out how to get you out of this mess. It's pretty big news up there.","Prue: Well, in case you hadn't noticed, it's pretty big news down here too. Any suggestions?","Leo: No, we're still working on it.","Piper: Oh, well, by all means, tell them to take their time.","Leo: Well, they're not the ones that screwed up.","Piper: Excuse me, screwed up? We've been busting our wiccan butts for three years without getting caught. Don't we get credit for that?","Leo: Piper, you've been exposed. If we can't fix this it could undermine all the good that you've done and all the good that you're still destined to do.","Piper: Well, maybe this is our destiny, maybe it's just not meant to be.","Leo: You don't believe that.","Piper: Don't I?","Prue: I don't. I mean, look, this whole year has just been a series of tests, right? To see what we're made of. Well, maybe this is one more test. Which means we can't give up, alright? So while the Elders are figuring out what we're supposed to do, we still have work to do, okay?","Piper: Dr. Griffiths?","Prue: Yeah, if we don't catch him before he gets out of surgery, Shax will. (to Leo) Unless you know something we don't?","Leo: No, you're right, your powers aren't enough to vanquish him. You'll need the three of you to say the spell.","Prue: Yeah, well, we only have two of us. Don't ask, just orb us to the hospital, okay?","Leo: I can't. The Elders won't let me. They don't wanna risk exposing Whitelighters too.","(Darryl comes back in.)","Piper: Cowards!","Prue: Fine, we'll just save him without your guys help. Let's go.","Darryl: Whoa, Prue, Prue. Even if you can save your innocent, that still doesn't save yourselves.","Prue: Yeah, I know that, Darryl, but first things first, alright? Try and buy us as much time as possible with your captain as you can. (to Leo) And you, why don't you get back up there and White light a fire underneath your bosses butts.","(Prue and Piper head for the back door.)","[Cut to outside. Elana is talking into the camera her cameraman is holding.]","Elana: Whether or not any arrests have been made at this time...","(Alice sees Prue and Piper coming down the driveway.)","Alice: Hey! I need to talk to you.","(Prue and Piper run to Prue's car and quickly get in. Elana races over to them.)","Elana: Miss Halliwell...","Alice: Don't leave, don't leave.","Elana: Miss Halliwell.","(Alice jumps up and down waving her arms.)","Alice: Please take me! (They drive off.) Come on, please, take me with you. Oh, man.","[Scene: Cave in the underworld. Phoebe and Cole are there. Phoebe kicks Cole and he falls onto some straw.]","Cole: You're not an easy girl to dump.","Phoebe: Yeah, well, I didn't risk everything to come down here and not get what I came for.","(Cole sits up.)","Cole: Well, you can't have me. Not anymore.","Phoebe: I can if I reverse the spell that took you away from me.","Cole: We've already had this conversation, Phoebe. Even if you could reverse it, it doesn't change the fact that I...","Phoebe: That you killed a witch. Yeah, I know, Cole, but you didn't do it willingly and that's the difference. (He stands up.) That's what gives you a second chance, that's what gives us a second chance.","(Cole grabs Phoebe around the neck.)","Cole: I already had a second chance and I blew it. Now, this is your last chance, understand? No more games. Go home. You can't save me.","(Phoebe reaches in her bag and pulls out the potion. She smashes the vile on his back.)","Phoebe: You wanna bet? (Cole staggers back.) Pretty cool potion, huh? (Cole reaches out towards her as if to grab her, but then pulls her in and kisses her passionately.) Let's get out of here.","Cole: Where?","Phoebe: What do you mean where? Home. Back to my place.","Cole: You really think they're just gonna let me go? They're not gonna come looking for me again?","Phoebe: We'll fight 'em off.","Cole: For how long indefinitely? Phoebe, we tried it up there, it doesn't work for us.","Phoebe: So where does that leave us?","Cole: Right where we are.","[Scene: San Francisco Memorial Hospital. Dr. Griffiths comes out of a room and throws a surgeon cap in a hamper. He walks over to the reception desk and the receptionist hands him the phone.]","Dr. Griffiths: Dr. Griffiths.","(Prue and Piper race up to him.)","Prue: Hi!","(Prue takes the phone off of him.)","Piper: He's still after you, come on.","Prue: Lets go.","(They pull him away from the desk.)","[Cut to outside. Prue, Piper and Dr. Griffiths leave the hospital and head for Prue's car.]","Dr. Griffiths: I thought you said you got rid of this thing.","Prue: Yeah, well, we don't think that anymore, okay?","Dr. Griffiths: Where are we going?","Prue: Just somewhere safe.","Dr. Griffiths: Look, I'm not cut out...","Prue: Get in the car.","(They get in Prue's car. Elana and her cameraman pull up near by. A strong wind pushes Dr. Griffiths out of the car and falls on the grass. A woman screams. The wind turns into Shax. Prue and Piper get out of the car. The news crew look on.)","Prue\/Piper: \"Evil wind that blows, that which forms below, no longer may you swell, death takes you with this spell.\"","(Shax blows up and disappears. The people watching gasp and let out little screams.)","Piper: Now that was a vanquish.","(The people clap and cheer. Prue and Piper look around and notice Elana and her cameraman filming them. Elana has a big grin on her face.)","Prue: Uh-oh.","Piper: Oh. News at eleven.","Prue: Oh, that's bad.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Outside the manor. There are now hundreds of people standing outside, holding cardboard signs. There are dozens of cameramen and news reporters. A helicopter flies above. Police are trying to get the crowd under control. Alice is standing on top of a van.]","Alice: (yelling) Prue, Piper, I'm one of you! I'm the only one who understands! I can help. Hey! Prue! Piper!","[Cut to inside the manor. Kitchen. Prue and Piper are there. Piper is looking through sheets of paper. Darryl walks in.]","Darryl: (on radio) Get those idiots off the driveway, get them back behind the tape.","Prue: Alright, what I can't figure out is how they knew that we were at the hospital. I-I mean, they didn't follow us.","Darryl: Reporter probably low jacked your car, followed you.","Prue: Forget it. You know, I really hope Phoebe's doing better down there than we are up here.","Piper: Look at all these interview requests we're getting. Ted Coppell, Time Magazine, Jerry Springer... Sports Illustrated?","Darryl: Yeah, they probably want you for the swimsuit edition. (Prue and Piper give him a dirty look.) Just kidding.","Prue: You know what? This is a nightmare. Where is Leo? (Prue sees Dr. Griffiths on the TV.) Uh, Piper? (Piper looks at the TV.) Is that who I think it is?","(Prue turns on the volume.)","Dr. Griffiths: (on TV) And then one of them said they needed a vanquishing spell.","Piper: Dr. Griffiths?","Dr. Griffiths: She ran upstairs to get some book. (Piper gasps.) I don't know, some witch-type book I guess. Something that told them how to kill that demon.","Piper: Oh, so much for keeping our secret. Turn him off.","(Prue changes the channel and a woman shows up.)","Woman: (on TV) The sisters were always a little strange if you ask me. I know for a fact that Prue once cast a spell to make my boyfriend break up with me. Evil.","Prue: Okay, Susie Johnson from tenth grade? They're interviewing her?","Piper: I always wondered why they broke up.","(Prue lightly hits Piper's arm.)","Prue: Not funny, not funny. Ooh! Leo. (Prue and Piper walk into the conservatory.) Leo! Leo! Leo! (Leo orbs in.) Ooh. Alright, this thing has to end now, okay? The media is turning it into a freakin' circus.","Leo: Now you know why the Elders have always been highly concerned about exposure.","Piper: Okey-dokey, now we know. Do they have any solutions or not?","Leo: One. But it's a long shot. You have to try and contact Tempus.","(Prue and Piper exchange looks.)","Prue: Uh, Tempus? T-Tempus, the demon?","Leo: He's the only one on the other side who has the power to manipulate time. To reset everything before this all started.","Prue: Okay, you're, you're definitely right, that-that qualifies as a long shot.","Piper: We vanquished him.","Leo: No, you defeated him, you didn't vanquish him. But that's not the real problem. The real trick is trying to contact him. He's an upper level demon who's well insulated.","Piper: And why would he want to help us? I mean, we can't make a move without the whole world tuning in to watch. We're basically powerless. Why would he want to change that?","(Suddenly, Alice bursts through the conservatory door.)","Prue\/Piper: Whoa!","Alice: Cool, I made it!","Piper: Who the hell are you?","Alice: I'm Alice, Alice Hicks. I've been trying to contact you. I want to join your coven.","Prue: Are you nuts? This is our home! Get out of here!","(Prue uses her power on Alice and she flies outside.)","Alice: Ow!","(Darryl runs in wielding his gun.)","Darryl: All you stay back, all you stay back! (Darryl stops, confused. Prue stares at him.) You guys okay?","Prue: Yeah, we got it, Darryl. (to Leo) Alright, this has to end now or our lives are over!","[Cut to outside. Alice is walking down the driveway. Elana sees her.]","Elana: What happened? What did they do to you?","Elderly Man: Did they think you were a demon?","Elana: Did they think you were a joke?","Alice: They're mean witches!","(She wipes a tear off her face and walks away.)","[Cut to inside.]","Piper: Okay, so how do we contact Tempus?","Prue: Through Cole. He's an upper level demon, isn't he?","Piper: Why would he help us?","Prue: Because helping us helps Phoebe. Are you allowed to orb down there?","Leo: Yes, but I won't be able to find her until I'm down there. I can't track her from up here.","Prue: Alright, well, then you'd better hurry. (Leo doesn't go.) Okay, what's the matter?","Leo: Well, once I'm down there you won't be able to contact me if you get in any kind of trouble.","Piper: Honey, what more trouble could we possibly get in to? Besides, once time resets itself then everything should be fine. So go, and be careful.","Leo: Yeah, you too.","(Leo and Piper kiss and he orbs out.)","Piper: Okay, so what do you say? Oprah or Barbara? (Prue smiles.) Barbara makes you cry. We go with Oprah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Cave in the underworld. Phoebe's there. Cole walks in.]","Cole: Phoebe? (She walks over to him.) I have to get you out of here.","Phoebe: You mean get us out of here.","Cole: Listen to me, this is serious. Something's happening, something big. I, it's too dangerous for you here.","Phoebe: Why? What's happening?","Cole: I don't know, but whatever it is, it's important enough for The Source to have come.","Phoebe: What? He's here, now? (She looks around.)","Cole: Which is why you have to go.","(Leo orbs in.)","Phoebe: Leo?","Cole: Are you out of your mind? What are you doing?","Leo: Trying to save my family. Prue and Piper have been exposed, Phoebe. The whole world knows you're witches.","Phoebe: What? How?","Leo: It doesn't matter how. What matters is getting them out of it, (to Cole) which requires your help.","Cole: Come again?","Leo: You have to get Tempus, you have to get him to reverse time.","Cole: Ah, you've gotta be kidding. There's no way.","Leo: It's the only way there is, Phoebe, but we have to move fast.","Cole: A-a-I couldn't summon Tempus even if I wanted to, I don't have that kind of power.","Phoebe: But you know somebody who does.","Cole: Wait, (he laughs) you want me to ask The Source to help witches?","Leo: It doesn't just help witches. The demonic world has been exposed too, Cole, why do you think he's here? Resetting time solves everybody's problem. But make it your idea, pitch it like you're doing it to save him, not them. Whether that's why you're doing it or not.","(Silence.)","Cole: This is suicide.","[Time lapse. Cole walks into another cave. A demon guard steps in front of him. They stare at each other for a moment, then the guard steps aside. Cole pulls the hood from his robe over his head and continues walking. He stops when he reaches a dark place with a reddish glow. The Source is standing near by. He is wearing a red robe with a red hood covering his head. You can't see his face. He has large feathery wings attached to his back, and is wielding a sword. Flames shoot up in front of him as Cole enters. Cole kneels down and removes his hood.]","Cole: I've heard the rumours, I beg you, are they true? Have we been exposed?","The Source: And what business is it of yours?","Cole: I may have a solution. Tempus's power.","The Source: And still weakened from when he last turned back time. Doing so again will destroy him.","Cole: What other choice is there? (Silence) Forgive me.","The Source: For your betrayal? Never. (He rests the tip of his sword on Cole's shoulder.) I know of your struggles, Belthazor, of your witch. I know that's why you've come to me. I know everything about you. Tempus will do as you suggest if your witch crosses over, if your witch joins us.","Cole: She'd never do that.","The Source: Not even to save one of her sisters lives?","Cole: Has one of them been killed?","The Source: Wait.","[Scene: Manor. Everyone is still outside, yelling and holding up cardboard signs. Prue and Piper are in the conservatory placing a table against the door.]","Piper: I don't know why we're bothering to do this.","Prue: In case time doesn't reset itself.","(Prue puts a chair against the door.)","Piper: If time doesn't reset itself, this table against that door is not gonna help much.","Prue: Yeah, well, then we better start thinking about what would, okay? Because if Leo doesn't succeed, we're gonna have to figure out what we're gonna do.","(They walk into the living room.)","Piper: We're gonna do talk shows and book signings and movie deals, (Prue picks up the Book of Shadows) and then taken by the CIA and dissected.","Prue: Yeah, how can you be joking about this, Piper?","Piper: Who's joking?","Prue: Well, I'm not. Alright, I'm scared. And you should be too. Okay, our lives, Piper, everything that we've worked for could be completely destroyed with-with one stupid mistake. Our entire future , our entire destiny could be wiped out just like that. (Prue clicks her fingers and a gunshot goes off. Piper gasps.) What was that? (Piper looks down and sees blood on her shirt. Her hands are shaking.) Piper? Piper. (Prue drops the Book of Shadows and grabs Piper before she falls. Prue looks at her hand and it has Piper's blood on it.) Oh!","[Cut to outside. Alice is standing on top of a van. She lowers a rifle.]","Alice: I killed a wicked witch! The wicked witch is dead! I killed the wicked witch!","(The policemen grab her and pull her off the van. They push her to the ground and handcuff her. Darryl takes her away.)","[Cut back to inside the manor. Piper is laying on the floor trembling. Prue is holding her and has a towel pressed against Piper's wound.]","Prue: I know, I know, it's okay. (She starts to cry.) Leo! Leo! Okay, we have to get you to the hospital. Come on.","(Prue lifts Piper up.)","[Cut to outside. Prue is helping Piper out to the car.]","Prue: Leo!","Elana: Miss Halliwell, please, what is going on? (Prue opens the door to her car and helps Piper onto the back seat.) Miss Halliwell, please.","Prue: Leo! (Prue gets in the car and starts the engine. She drives to the end of the driveway but everyone is blocking her way out.) Move! (She honks the horn.)","Elana: Miss Halliwell, what is going on?","Prue: Move! (She continues to honk the horn. She gets back out of the car.) Move out of my way! I need to get her to the hospital, move! Move out of my way! (She gets frustrated.) What's wrong with you people? (She starts to get upset and very agitated.) Leo!","(She gets furious and uses her power on Elana and her cameraman. Everyone starts running away and she uses her power on anyone in her way. They land on cars and hard on the ground. Prue gets back in her car, drives down the driveway and tears off down the street.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Hospital. Piper is on a stretcher and four doctors are racing her to a room. Prue is running beside it.]","Prue: Hang in there. Where's Dr. Griffiths? He should've been here by now.","(Dr. Griffiths races up to them.)","Dr. Griffiths: How'd this happen?","Prue: Some idiot in front of our house.","(They take her into a room.)","Dr. Griffiths: What do we know?","Doctor #1: Pulse seventy, weak.","Dr. Griffiths: I need some numbers, people.","Doctor #1: One, two, three, go.","(They lift Piper onto a bed. Prue holds her hand.)","Dr. Griffiths: Smaller entry wound, upper right back.","Doctor #1: Larger exit wound, abdomen.","(Dr. Griffiths listens to Piper's chest with a stethoscope.)","Dr. Griffiths: Lungs failing. Start an I.V. --------- two units of O, stat.","Nurse: Right away.","Prue: Leo!","Doctor #2: Get 40cc's of adrenalin.","Nurse #2: Yes, sir.","Piper: He can't hear you. Leo. Something must have gone wrong.","Prue: Piper, don't you dare die on me.","Piper: Prue, I'm cold. I-I-I can't feel my legs.","Doctor #1: Pulse is dropping.","Piper: Don't go. I love you.","(The line on the heart monitor flattens out and Piper goes into full arrest.)","Prue: Oh god.","Dr. Griffiths: Full arrest. Paddles! (Two doctors bring over the paddle machine. Dr. Griffiths picks up the paddles.) Gel. (The nurse squirts some gel on a paddle and he rubs the two together. Prue stands back and cries.) Clear! (He uses the paddles on Piper but it doesn't work.) Recharge.","Nurse: Recharging.","Dr. Griffiths: Clear! (He uses them again but still does not work. He stands back from Piper. Prue cries harder. Dr. Griffiths looks at Prue.) I'm sorry.","Prue: No! (She cries uncontrollably and puts her head on Piper. She then closes Piper's eyes.) Get out of here. Go!","(The doctors leave the room. A SWAT member stands outside the room and looks in.)","[Scene: Cave in the underworld. Phoebe and Leo are there discussing something very quietly. Cole walks in and Phoebe goes over to him.]","Phoebe: Cole, where have you been? We've been worried. What's the matter?","Cole: He knows. About you, about us.","Phoebe: So, what does that mean?","Cole: He's offering a deal. He'll get Tempus to reset time if you stay... here.","Leo: What, down here? He's crazy.","Cole: Hardly.","Leo: Yeah, well, we're desperate but not that desperate.","Phoebe: Why would he think that I would accept an offer like that?","(Cole hesitates for a moment.)","Cole: Because it's the only way to bring one of your sisters back to life.","Phoebe: What?","Leo: It's a trick, he's lying.","Cole: No, it's not.","[Cut back to the hospital. The SWAT team walks through the corridor.]","[Cut to in the room where Prue and Piper are. Prue is still crying and is holding Piper's hand. She pulls some tubes off of Piper. A SWAT member walks in the room.]","SWAT #1: Just keep your hands where I can see them and you won't get hurt. (Prue turns to him.) Easy.","(Prue uses her power and he flies out of the room. Another SWAT member runs in. Prue kicks him and uses her power. Prue grabs a metal bar and pokes it through the handles of the door. She turns off the lights. Leo orbs in.)","Prue: They killed her, Leo. (Leo looks at Piper.) They think we're the demons now.","(Leo walks over to Piper and starts to cry.)","Leo: Oh, god. How can this be happening? I don't understand. I'm so sorry.","(He leans over and kisses Piper's forehead.)","Prue: Can you make this right or not? (She pulls him up.) Go! (Leo orbs out. Prue goes back over to Piper.) Don't worry, he's gonna fix it. I promise, you're gonna be fine.","[Cut back to the underworld. Leo orbs in, still crying.]","Phoebe: Piper.","(She hugs Leo tightly.)","Leo: You don't have to do this.","Phoebe: Yes I do. (She turns to Cole.) So, will resetting time affect us down here?","Cole: No.","Phoebe: Good. I only have one condition. You must warn Prue and Piper before the demonic hit man attacks. Otherwise they're dead anyway.","[Time lapse. Cole is kneeling in front of The Source.]","The Source: Agreed. (Cole stands up, bows and walks away. A guard walks in and kneels in front of The Source.) Once I have reset time, detain him. And then kill his witch. That way I won't have to worry about Belthazor anymore. Or the Charmed Ones.","(The guard walks away.)","[Cut back to the hospital. Prue has covered Piper over with a blanket. A SWAT member outside has a gun pointed at the room.]","[Cut to The Source.]","The Source: It shall be done.","(A crack of thunder is heard.)","[Cut to the hospital. The SWAT member fires his gun and the bullet goes straight through the wall, heading for Prue. It stops in mid-air and reverses. The whole day resets and Prue and Piper are back in the manor before Shax attacks.]","Prue: Look, I know that this all sounds incredible, but it doesn't make it any less true. Alright, you're a healer, you do good, now either you have saved too many lives or you're about to save a life that they don't want you to save.","Dr. Griffiths: They?","Prue: Yeah, demons. Uh, more specifically, Shax. He was The Source's assassin.","Dr. Griffiths: Hold it, I get it. This is a practical joke, right? Do you have a hidden camera here? My second wife put you up to this? Ah, it's just like her. (He laughs.)","Prue: O-o-okay, Dr. Griffiths, listen to me, this is anything but...","(She stops.)","Piper: What?","Prue: I don't know, I just felt a chill. Phoebe? (No answer.) Phoebe, are you there? (A tornado of wind twists through the front door.) Phoebe, where are you?","(The tornado knocks Prue and Piper to the floor. A clap of thunder is heard, the tornado calms down and Shax appears.)","Dr. Griffiths: Dear god.","Prue: No!","(Prue gets up off the floor and pushes Dr. Griffiths out of the way. Shax throws an energy ball at Prue and she literally crashes straight through a wall. Piper gets up and Shax throws an energy ball at Piper, sending her crashing through a wall. Shax turns to Dr. Griffiths.)","Dr. Griffiths: What are you?","Shax: The end.","(He throws an energy ball at Dr. Griffiths and he crashes through a window. Shax looks around. He looks at Prue and Piper unconscious on the floor. Pleased with what he's done, Shax turns back into the wind and flies out the front door. The glass on the door smashes as it slams shut.)"],"Show Title":"Charmed","Episode Number":"03x22","Episode Title":"All Hell Breaks Loose","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"Kris2782"},{"File Name":"Charmed_04x19.json","Recap":["After Phoebe tells Piper and Paige that she's pregnant with Cole's child, they team up with a wizard in an attempt to stop the Source before he ascends to power. However, they are unaware that Cole is now the new Source and that once his coronation takes place, Phoebe will take her place as the new Queen of the Underworld."],"Transcript":["[Scene: The underworld. Cole, a dark priest and four guards walk into a large dark room. Dozens of torches are lit around the walls and a book is sitting in the middle of the room on a stand.]","Dark Priest: The unique guard will take their places along the aisle. Then precisely at midnight we'll begin the ritualistic chant. And then you will be escorted in for the ceremony.","(The priest walks over to the book and opens it up.)","Cole: It's been a while hasn't it?","Priest: Five hundred years give or take a decade. (He turns to a page which reads \"Votum Sanguinis\".) Ah, here it is. The oath. Upon completion of the oath, you will be given the full powers of the underworld.","Cole: Will I feel different after?","Priest: Perhaps. Those that came before you described it feeling it being... complete.","Cole: Have any of them been half human?","Priest: No. This is a first. Now it's time for you to begin your preparations. Your guards will show you to the vestibule.","Guard #1: This way.","(Cole and the guards walk down a corridor. A wizard hides behind a rock, watching them. As they pass, the wizard comes out from behind the rock and taps his staff twice on the ground. A clone of guard #1 appears beside him.)","Wizard: Arrest me.","[Cut to the large room. The priest bookmarks the page with a ribbon and closes the book. Guard #1 pulls the wizard into the room.]","Priest: What's going on?","Guard #1: Found him outside.","(The priest walks over to the wizard.)","Priest: A wizard. Well, well. Aren't you supposed to be extinct?","Wizard: One of us is alive and well.","Priest: Not for long. Did you really think you could stop the coronation all by yourself, wizard?","Wizard: I didn't come for the coronation. I came for the revenge.","(The wizard hits the priest between the legs with his staff. He falls the floor. The priest uses telekinesis and the wizard flies across the room.)","Priest: (to clone guard #1) What's the matter with you? Stop him! (The guard just stands there. The wizard tries to grab the book and the priest uses telekinesis and it slides away from him. The real Guard #1 runs in.) It's an illusion.","(The wizard and the clone guard disappear. Cole and three other guards run in.)","Cole: What the hell is going on here?","[Scene: An elevator. Piper and Paige are there, on their way to Phoebe's apartment.]","Paige: Cole's a demon again, that is what's going on.","Piper: Do you want us to lose a sister, because that's exactly what's gonna happen if you blurt it out like that. Besides, we only know that Cole is dealing with demons, not that he is a demon.","Paige: If he looks like a demon and walks like a demon...","Piper: That's ducks, that's not Phoebe's husband. The love of her life, her best friend...","Paige: Alright, I get your point, woman.","Piper: Look, this isn't gonna be easy for her to hear, especially since she's happier than she's ever been.","(The elevator opens and they see Phoebe standing near the window.)","Paige: Or not.","Phoebe: Hi. Come on in.","Piper: Phoebe, what's the matter? You look...","Phoebe: Terrible? Yeah, I haven't slept in a couple of days.","Piper: Why? What's the matter?","Phoebe: Uh, you guys should probably sit down.","Paige: That's funny, we were just coming to ask you to do the same thing.","(Piper and Paige sit at the table.)","Phoebe: Okay, so, what I'm about to tell you is really big. We're talking huge.","Paige: See, she knows.","Phoebe: Knows what?","Piper: Uh, you tell us.","Phoebe: Uh, okay, I-I'm, uh... I'm pregnant.","Piper: You're what?","Paige: Oh my god, from Cole?","[Cut to the underworld. Cole cuts the head off Guard #1.]","Cole: (to another guard) Find the wizard or you're next.","Opening Credits","[Scene: Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are there.]","Phoebe: I don't even understand how this could've happened. We were being so careful. It's the last thing I expected right now.","Paige: (to herself) Just wait.","Piper: Does Cole know?","Phoebe: No, not yet. I should've told him, I know, but I didn't know how to. Besides, I don't want him to think that I'm not happy about it.","Piper: Are you?","Phoebe: I don't know. I mean, part of me is obviously. I love Cole. But then there's another part of me that's scared to death. I mean, there' so many changes and it's all happening so fast. I'm not sure I'm ready for this.","Piper: Oh, honey, you should've told us when you found out, and then you wouldn't have to go through it alone.","Phoebe: I know, but I wasn't sure how you would feel about it.","Piper: Me? Why?","Phoebe: Because I know how hard you and Leo have been trying.","Piper: Oh, honey, this doesn't have anything to do with me, it has everything to do with you. And-and I'd be thrilled to be an aunt. Don't worry about me.","Paige: So when are you gonna tell Cole?","Phoebe: I don't know. He's got so much on his plate right now, you know, with starting his new job and everything.","Paige: You're gonna have a lot on your plate too, more than you realise.","Piper: Yeah, like how many hours he's gonna be working and that he's not gonna be home a lot.","Paige: That's not what I'm talking about, Piper.","Phoebe: What do you mean, Paige?","Piper: It can wait.","(They hear the elevator.)","Phoebe: Oh, god, that's Cole. He can't know I told you before I told him. Hurry, outta here, orb.","Paige: I thought Cole had a no orbing policy.","Phoebe: No, he doesn't want you orbing in, he doesn't mind you orbing out.","Piper: Now.","(Paige orbs out with Piper. Cole walks in.)","Phoebe: I thought you were at work.","Cole: I thought you were in bed. Are you feeling better?","Phoebe: Much. Thanks. Well, I gotta go, baby, you know, deadlines.","Cole: But I got you something to eat.","Phoebe: Sorry. I'll call you later.","(Phoebe grabs her bag and heads for the elevator.)","Cole: Phoebe, what's wrong?","Phoebe: Why? What makes you think there's something wrong?","Cole: Because every time you lie I can see your wisdom teeth.","Phoebe: We'll talk tonight.","Cole: Phoebe...","Phoebe: Please, Cole, not now.","(The elevator door opens and Phoebe walks in.)","Cole: I'm worried.","Phoebe: Well, don't be.","Cole: Well, I am, damn it. What's the matter?","Phoebe: I'm pregnant.","Cole: You're what?","Phoebe: We'll talk later.","(The elevator doors close.)","Cole: I'm gonna be a daddy.","[Cut to the manor. Parlor. Piper and Paige are there. Leo orbs in.]","Leo: What is the emergency?","Piper: Phoebe is pregnant.","Leo: What? Really?","Paige: Yeah, I think she deserves to know she's carrying a demon child, don't you?","Piper: You don't know if Cole is a demon.","Paige: You don't know he's not.","Piper: Well, okay, we'll do some more digging and-and we'll find some solid proof.","Paige: No, I think she deserves to know now, Piper.","Piper: She doesn't need the stress, Paige.","Paige: Even if she's in danger?","Piper: Cole would never hurt her. He couldn't even hurt her when he was a demon.","Paige: Are you willing to bet her life on it?","Leo: Okay, do you want my advice or don't you?","Paige: Depends on what side you're on. And if you take hers, it better not be because you're sleeping with her.","Wizard: Help! (The wizard appears.)","Piper: Whoa.","Wizard: Please, you've gotta help me.","Piper: Help you? Who are you? (A guard appears and throws an energy ball at the wizard, vanquishing him. Piper blows up the guard.) Wh-? What an idiot. Doesn't every demon know by now who's house this is?","(The wizard appears in the conservatory.)","Wizard: Not every demon. Fortunately for me.","Paige: But he just vanquished you.","Wizard: No, not me. An illusion. One of my little tricks. Comes in handy for saving my life and what not.","Leo: You're a wizard?","Wizard: In the flesh, for lack of a better term.","Piper: Wait a minute, you just tricked us into vanquishing one of your enemies.","Wizard: My enemies are your enemies.","Paige: Says you. Leo, friend or foe?","Leo: I don't know, I've never met a wizard before. Only heard about them.","Wizard: Please, give me a little credit. (He walks into the living room and they follow.) Why would I seek out the Charmed Ones if I were evil?","Piper: Okay, look, you need to stand still or you're gonna go poof like your friend in there.","Wizard: Oh, you're the touchy one aren't you? I've heard about you. Peeper?","Piper: Piper.","Wizard: Whatever.","Leo: What do you want?","Wizard: Revenge. On the Source. For slaughtering my kind centuries ago. And for that I'll need your help.","Piper: Well, maybe you haven't heard. There's a new Source. The old one is dead.","Paige: Yeah, we already kicked his sorry ass.","Wizard: He didn't die. He was reborn into a new sorry ass. Wait, that didn't come out right.","Piper: Are you kidding me? After everything we went through, he found an escape hatch?","(The wizard taps his staff twice on the floor and a whole cooked chicken appears. He pulls off a drumstick and starts eating it.)","Wizard: Our only chance to stop him will be tonight before he receives his full powers at the coronation.","Paige: Tonight? How do we do such a big job in such short notice?","Wizard: We'll steal the Grimoir.","Paige: Oh, what's that?","Leo: Evil Book of Shadows.","Wizard: The Source has to lay his hand on the book as he says the oath, otherwise he doesn't get his powers.","Piper: So we steal a little book and we stop the Source? What's the catch?","Wizard: The catch is it's protected in a secret chamber by his best guards. Now, I know how to get there but I can't fight them alone. What do you say? Partners?","(Piper freezes him.)","Piper: I so don't trust him.","Leo: Alright, I'll check with the Elders, see what they know. You better get Phoebe. In case he's right, you're gonna need the power of three.","(Leo orbs out.)","Piper: I'll go get her.","Paige: No, no, you've got the fire power, you stay here, I'll go.","Piper: Alright, but no spilling the beans on Cole. Not until we decide to.","Paige: Scouts honour.","(Paige leaves. Piper unfreezes the wizard.)","Piper: Just so you know, one false move and you're toast.","(The wizard thinks for a moment and then taps his staff. The drumstick turns into a piece of toast.)","Wizard: Got any jam?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Cole is looking at a baby shopping website on his laptop. The website is playing a lullaby for its background music. Cole is humming along.]","Julie's Voice: Is the witch home?","Cole: Uh, no.","(Julie shimmers in.)","Julie: Good. I thought you'd like an update. As you ordered, the priests have stepped up security on the grimoir. So far the wizard has been our only breech. What is that dreadful music?","Cole: Oh, uh, nothing.","(He turns it off.)","Julie: Baby shopping, sir?","Cole: (happily) Yes, as a matter of fact I was. Phoebe's pregnant.","Julie: Oh. That's wonderful news, but I don't understand why you're...","Cole: Oh, just keeping up appearances, you know. Try to act like any normal father-to-be. For Phoebe.","Julie: But Phoebe's not here.","Cole: Is there anything else you need to update me on?","Julie: May I speak handedly? I'm worried about you. I'm worried that the witch's influence on you is too great. That the baby will make the pull of love even greater.","Cole: Oh, if you're worried about the coronation.","Julie: I'm worried about after the coronation. The next nine months to be exact. When the bond between you and Phoebe will grow. And your whole humanity within will weaken, unless...","Cole: Unless?","Julie: Unless you allow the Seer to perform her dark magic. Allow me to carry your baby.","Cole: What?","Julie: You won't need the witch anymore. I can be your queen.","Cole: Are you out of your mind?","Julie: I am trying to save you. The underworld will not tolerate a leader who's conflicted any sign of weakness and you're not gonna survive.","Cole: Are you threatening me?","Julie: I'm reminding you. Of your future, your destiny. Neither of which include the witch.","(Julie shimmers out. Cole bangs the laptop down on the glass table, shattering it.)","[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. She's on the phone.]","Phoebe: Yes, of course I am aware that there is a deadline but Elise threw my column out at the last minute. Oh, oh, how hard can it be to write an advice column? Let me show you how hard.","(She slams the phone down and knocks off her cup of coffee. Paige walks in.)","Paige: Bad time?","Phoebe: Yes. Uh, no, whatever. What is it?","Paige: Uh, well, we, uh, we need the power of three.","Phoebe: What? Now? Can't it wait?","Paige: Cliff notes version, we didn't kill the Source like we thought, he was just reborn. And now if we don't help a wizard stop him from getting coronated tonight, he becomes all powerful. Shall we?","Phoebe: So let him get coronated.","Paige: Sorry?","Phoebe: Well, why not? What's the worse that can happen?","Paige: Uh, besides all hell breaking loose on earth? What's wrong with you?","Phoebe: I don't know. I'm just, I'm having a really bad day right now. Okay, uh, I'll meet you at the manor but I have to find Cole first and fill him in.","Paige: No, you don't need to do that. Besides, he's so busy being Mr. Hot Shot lawyer guy and all.","Phoebe: Okay, Paige, what's your problem with Cole now, huh? Spill it.","Paige: Nothing.","Phoebe: You're lying. I can see your wisdom teeth.","Paige: I don't have wisdom teeth.","Phoebe: Paige.","Paige: Alright, but you're not gonna like it. Alright, remember the vampire that attacked me a couple of days ago? Well, I met him through Cole, at your apartment.","Phoebe: And?","Paige: And? Don't you think that's a pretty big coincidence for an alleged ex-demon.","Phoebe: Alleged?","Paige: Stop being so naive, Phoebe, he's been acting strange ever since he got his new job which for all we know could be a cover anyway.","Phoebe: I don't believe this.","Paige: Face the facts, Phoebe. Cole has gone back to his old ways, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. Piper thinks so too. That's what we were coming to tell you about this morning. I'm sorry. (Phoebe grabs her coat and heads for the door.) Where are you going?","Phoebe: To prove you wrong.","Paige: What about the Source? What about the power of three?","Phoebe: Screw the power of three.","(She leaves.)","[Cut to Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Phoebe walks in, cautiously. She goes over to Cole's briefcase and looks inside. She flips through some papers. She sees the broken glass on the floor and walks to her bedroom door. She opens it and Cole is there tying balloons to their bed.]","Cole: You caught me.","Phoebe: Cole.","(He picks up a bunch of flowers.)","Cole: I love you.","(He hands her the flowers and kisses her and her stomach.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Piper and Paige are there.]","Piper: Screw the power of three?","Paige: Those were her words exactly. And then she practically flattened me while storming out of her office.","Piper: Well, that sounds more than just hormones.","Paige: Yeah, she was a little pissed.","Piper: About what? Oh, Paige, you didn't! You told her about Cole?","Paige: She was gonna find out eventually.","Piper: Yeah, when we decided it was the right time to tell her. Now she's probably never gonna speak to us again. You might as well have crowned the new Source yourself.","Paige: Oh, god, I think you're slightly exaggerating.","Piper: No, I am not. We need Phoebe for the plan to work.","Paige: What plan?","Piper: You follow me!","(Piper goes into the kitchen. Paige follows. The kitchen has turned into the large underworld building where the coronation will take place. The wizard, guards and the dark priest are standing there.)","Paige: Alright. Piper, I think I like the other kitchen better. This is an illusion, right?","Wizard: Please, tell me she's not the brains of the family.","Piper: Grimoir, dark priest, body guards, and this mystery man over here is the Source.","(She points to a dummy wearing a black suit but has no face.)","Paige: Oh, first half a face now no face.","Wizard: I didn't get a good look at him.","Piper: Well, it doesn't really matter anyway because he may not even be here. All we want is the Grimoir.","Paige: Alright, what's the plan?","Piper: We learn from his mistakes.","Wizard: Not mistakes. Miscalculations.","Piper: Uh, you didn't have any backup, your illusions didn't buy you enough time and you got caught. I'd call those mistakes. This time we'll go for a bigger distraction and since the bodyguards are already after you, you show up and they're bound to chase after you.","Paige: Thinning out demonic ranks, that sounds good.","Wizard: Easy for you to say, you're not the distraction.","Piper: You'll orb us in, Phoebe and I will keep the demons busy and you'll snag the book.","Paige: Sounds simple.","(She goes to grab the book but the wizard pulls it away with his wand.)","Wizard: Would I come to you if it were that simple?","Piper: It's like the Book of Shadows, only it protects itself from good. So you'll use this sack, we'll put a spell on it so it can hold the Grimoir...","Phoebe: Piper? (Phoebe comes in.) Demon!","Piper: Phoebe, no!","(Phoebe jumps up to kick the dark priest and the illusion disappears. Phoebe lands on the table.)","Phoebe: Hello, confusion.","Wizard: I can't work like this.","Piper: Phoebe, this is the wizard, and that was one of his illusions.","Phoebe: An illusion. (The wizard taps his staff and two women appear beside him and start massaging him.) Um, like those?","Piper: Yeah, don't mind him, he's been at it all day, the pig.","Paige: Not that I'm not happy to see you, Phoebe, but why are we seeing you? Considering how we left it.","Phoebe: I'm not about to shun my wiccan duties, Paige, no matter what.","Paige: But what about what we talked about?","Phoebe: I love Cole, and I trust him even if you guys don't. And we can discuss our problems later, I came here to help you with... Merlin.","Wizard: Please, Merlin was an overrated hack. Tell me he's not the only wizard you people have heard of.","Paige: Well, does Harry Potter count?","Piper: Alright, enough. You can live your life of instant gratification later, after we're done. Get rid of them.","Wizard: You call this a life? (He taps his staff and the women disappear.) This is no life. Illusions are as empty to me as they are to you. They're only a reminder of a reality long since lost. Of a world filled with wizards, of friends, of family. It's all an illusion without family. Help me stop the Source. Help me right this wrong.","[Scene: Underworld. The coronation room. The dark priest and Cole are there.]","Dark Priest: Everything's on schedule. The other priests are preparing the sacrifices as we speak.","Cole: What about the wizard? How do we know he won't make another attempt.","Dark Priest: He's the last of his kind, Sire, I doubt if the risk ----.","Cole: He risked it before, didn't he?","(The wizard stands at the entrance.)","Wizard: Talking about me?","Dark Priest: Guards! After him!","(The wizard runs down the corridor and the guards follow.)","Cole: Something's not right.","Dark Priest: You should leave for you safety now, Sire.","(Cole sees the girls starting to orb in.)","Cole: Protect the Grimoir.","(Cole flames out. The girls orb in. Piper blows up a guard and another jumps on her. Phoebe starts fighting with a guard and the dark priest uses his telekinesis powers on Paige, knocking her to the ground.)","[Cut to the corridor. The wizard runs around a corner. The guards run around the corner and Cole stands in front of them.]","Cole: Stop! Wait.","Guard: But Sire, the wizard.","Cole: He's right behind you.","(The wizard appears behind the guards and zaps them with his staff. They fall to the ground. He points his staff at Cole.)","Wizard: If only you were real.","(Illusion Cole disappears.)","[Cut back to the coronation room. The girls are still fighting with the guards.]","Phoebe: Piper, now! (Piper blows up the dark priest and Paige crawls towards the Grimoir. A guard goes to throw an energy ball at Paige.) Paige, look out!","(She points to the guard and fire comes out of her hands, vanquishing the guard. She looks at her hand in shock.)","Piper: What was that?","Phoebe: I have no idea.","(The wizard runs in.)","Wizard: What are we waiting for?","Paige: Grimoir. (The Grimoir orbs into the sack.) Got it.","Wizard: Let's get out of here.","(The orb out.)","[Cut to the manor. They orb in.]","Wizard: We did it! We got it.","Piper: Yes, and now we are going to destroy it. Paige, go get the Book of Shadows, when need some potions.","Paige: Right.","(She puts the Grimoir on the table and leaves the room.)","Wizard: Wait, destroy it? We might be able to use it.","Piper: For what? It's evil. (to Phoebe) Do you want to sit down?","Phoebe: I think I just want to go home.","Piper: Well, this is home too.","Phoebe: I don't feel good. It just didn't feel right.","Piper: Well, that's probably just because it's-it's new and your power is escalating.","Phoebe: How is it escalating? I levitate, I have premonitions.","Piper: Well, you had fire power in your past life.","Phoebe: I was evil in my past life, remember?","Wizard: Can we get back to the Grimoir!","Piper: No. (Piper freezes him. Phoebe runs away.) Phoebe, wait.","[Scene: Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Cole is staring out the window. He gets mad and smashes the window with his fist. Julie shimmers in.]","Julie: What's the matter? What happened?","Cole: What are you doing here?","Julie: I sensed your pain, I was worried.","Cole: Yeah, well, you should be worried. The Grimoir has been stolen.","Julie: I know.","Cole: You know? How do you know? Have you been spying on me?","Julie: No, of course not.","Cole: Then how? Tell me.","(He grabs her.)","Seer's Voice: From me. (She appears.) I told her.","Cole: Seer. If you foresaw the Grimoir being taken...","Seer: Finding the Grimoir is not your biggest problem. Suppressing Cole is. You're changing, my liege. The human in you grows stronger and at the worst possible time.","Cole: I can handle it.","Seer: How? Your guard is down, you're vulnerable.","Julie: Let me try again.","Cole: Try what? Are you working together to manipulate me?","Julie: No, to save you. To save us.","Cole: Us, there is no us.","Julie: But there could be. And if there were the struggle would end. You'd be free to rule without the witch's love holding you back.","Cole: (to Seer) This is your doing. Did you really think I'd fall for it?","Seer: Leave us. Now.","(Julie shimmers out.)","Cole: I can't believe you tricked me into hiring a seductress.","Seer: I was concerned the baby's influence on your humanity might sway you to the other side.","Cole: Then what? You hoped if I'd gotten laid...","Seer: No, I hoped you'd come to your senses before it was too late. But I wasn't relying on it. This isn't just about you. I helped you put you in position for greatness and I'm not going to let you fail now. It's only the Source that protects you from the Charmed Ones' powers and premonitions. If Cole's love becomes any stronger, it will over power the Source, then you will lose everything. The throne, your wife, your son.","(The elevator dings and the Seer disappears. Phoebe walks in.)","Phoebe: Cole, hi, honey. (She sees the broken window.) What happened?","Cole: Oh, um, there was an accident. Everything go alright with whatever you had to do with your sisters?","Phoebe: The good news is we got what we were after.","Cole: Good, congratulations.","(He starts to walk away.)","Phoebe: Uh, but, uh... I think something really bad has happened to me.","Cole: Wh-what, the baby?","Phoebe: No, the baby's fine. I threw fire. I-I vanquished a demon with it. And it just felt, I don't know, awful. Almost evil.","Cole: Hey, hey, hey, that's impossible. You're the sweetest most loving person I've even known. You don't have an evil bone in your body and you know that. (Cole touches her and she has a premonition of him killing and throwing fireballs.) What? What happened?","Phoebe: Oh my god.","(She runs to the elevator.)","Cole: Phoebe.","Phoebe: Stay away from me.","Cole: Phoebe.","(She gets in the elevator.)","Phoebe: Stay away from me!","Cole: What did you see?","(The elevator doors close.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper has potions lined up on the coffee table. She picks one up and throws it at the Grimoir, which is on the floor. The potion explodes but doesn't harm the Grimoir.]","Piper: Okay. That was the strongest one I had, I don't know what else to do.","Wizard: I'll tell you what to do. Keep it.","Paige: You know, maybe we should go see Phoebe, she didn't look so well.","Piper: Paige, we'll go over there after we destroy this book.","Wizard: I think you're being hasty. The Grimoir could bring us great powers.","Paige: Listen, we already have powers, we don't need evil ones too.","(Phoebe walks in through the front door.)","Piper: Phoebe?","Phoebe: I have to talk to you guys.","Piper: What is it? (Phoebe sits on the couch. The wizard eyes off the book.) You, you stay where I can see you.","Paige: Honey, what is it? What's the matter? Whatever it is, it's gonna be alright.","Phoebe: No, it won't. I had a premonition, and you were right, Cole is evil.","Paige: Oh, honey, I didn't wanna be right.","Piper: What exactly did you see?","Phoebe: Everything. Killing, fireball throwing, working with other demons. Oh, god, Cole is a demon.","Piper: It's okay, Phoebe, just take a breath.","Wizard: What's taking so long?","Piper: Quiet.","Phoebe: I have a baby on the way, and I have this new power. I don't know if I can handle this.","Paige: It's okay, you're not alone, you have us.","(Leo orbs in.)","Leo: Okay, we've got big problems, where's the wizard?","Piper: Shh, in there. We've got big problems in here. Cole, demon Cole. What were you gonna say about the wizard?","Leo: Um, can you handle this right now?","Phoebe: Do I have a choice?","Wizard: What's taking so long?","Piper: Shush!","Leo: Uh, well, according to the Elders, some Wizards are evil and if he is, it's not good.","Piper: I knew it, then he wants the Grimoir for himself.","Leo: Probably. There's a spell in there that can consecrate a weapon and make it strong enough to kill the Source.","Paige: Isn't that a good thing?","Leo: No. If he kills the Source he becomes the Source. And he'll have enough magic to resurrect his people.","Wizard: What's taking so long?","Piper: Wait a minute. (She storms over to the Wizard.) I can't believe we let that slimy Lord of the Rings wannabe use us.","(The illusion wizard and the Grimoir disappear.)","Paige: Another illusion?","Piper: On a loop no less, he was just waiting for an opportunity to take the book.","Leo: We need to get it back fast.","Phoebe: How?","Piper: We gotta go back down to the underworld.","Paige: We couldn't even find the coronation site without the wizard.","Phoebe: What about a summoning spell?","Piper: We'd need his blood.","Paige: Cole. I was just thinking maybe he'd know something, he is a demon after all.","Phoebe: I can't even think about Cole right now let alone talk to him.","Paige: Maybe we could go with you and watch your back.","Piper: That's an awful lot to ask of her right now.","Paige: I know, but what choice do we have? There's gonna be a coronation tonight unless we stop it.","[Scene: Underworld. The coronation room. Dark Priest #2 is adjusting Cole's coat. The Seer is watching near by.]","Dark Priest #2: How's it feel?","Cole: Heavy.","(The dark priest walks away. The Seer moves closer to Cole.)","Seer: Focus.","Cole: What's the point? We don't even have the Grimoir.","Seer: We will. But in the mean time you must keep up appearances.","Cole: But Phoebe...","Seer: Is not your concern at the moment.","Cole: She knows I'm a demon, damn it.","Seer: She will come round in time.","(The priest goes to put a scarf on Cole but he stops him.)","Cole: I can't do this. I have to find her.","Seer: And risk the wizard finding you? He'll kill you. Take your throne.","Cole: He can have it.","Seer: And what do you think your death will solve? Do you really think it'll bring you what you seek? If losing the witch has cost you your will, then I will get it back.","Cole: What do you mean?","(The Seer disappears.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there.]","Leo: Anything?","Phoebe: He's not here.","Paige: Have you tried his office?","Phoebe: I'm beginning to wonder if he even has an office.","(Julie shimmers in.)","Julie: He does.","Piper: Who are you?","Phoebe: I know who she is. Where's Cole?","Julie: Safe from you.","Paige: Alright, do you wanna punch her or should I?","Phoebe: I should've known all along.","Julie: You've ruined him. Made him pathetic, weak, good.","Phoebe: And I take it you have a problem with that?","Julie: Yeah, I have a big problem with that.","Piper: Uh, Phoebe, what's going on here?","Julie: You're just a means to an end. A way to sire a magical child. But now you're hurting him and I can't allow that.","Phoebe: Oh no?","Julie: No.","(She throws an energy ball at Phoebe and Phoebe levitates up so the energy ball misses.)","Phoebe: Two can play at that game.","(She throws fire at Julie and Julie cartwheels out of the way.)","Piper: Okay, now...","Phoebe: Piper, don't. This is my fight.","(She throws fire at Julie, this time getting her.)","Piper: Phoebe.","(Julie screams and is vanquished.)","Phoebe: Home wrecker.","Paige: Okay, Phoebe, you're scaring us.","Phoebe: What?","Leo: Phoebe, fire throwing is an upper-level demonic power.","Phoebe: Oh my god. What's happening to me?","(Suddenly, she shimmers out.)","[Cut to the underworld. Phoebe shimmers in a cave. The Seer is there.]","Seer: Breathe.","Phoebe: How did I get here?","Seer: Your magic. Dark magic.","Phoebe: Stay away from me.","Seer: Stop me. (Phoebe throws fire at the Seer but it doesn't harm her.) Feels good doesn't it? Or more precisely, evil.","Phoebe: What do you want? What have you done to me?","Seer: What I've done is not important. What you must do now, however is. Your husband needs you by his side.","Phoebe: I don't understand.","Seer: Don't you? You and I share the same gift. We both can sense the truth. From the moment Cole absorbed the Source's power, you've sensed something different about him. Something that's changed him forever. You know the truth.","Phoebe: Cole is the Source.","Seer: Yes. And he needs your help if he hopes to survive. He needs your love. You can't keep fighting it. The maternal bond is too strong, listen to your body, Phoebe. Listen to your unborn son. He takes after his father.","Phoebe: His father lied to me.","Seer: He never lied about his feelings for you. And despite my best efforts he never stopped loving you. (She touches Phoebe's tummy.) Oh, your son was conceived in love, you know that. It's time to stop fighting it. It's time to embrace your new family, your new destiny, otherwise Cole and your son will die. All of demondon will rise up against them to destroy them and you.","[Scene: The coronation room. Cole and two guards are there.]","Cole: Leave me.","Guard: But the coronation's imminent. The wizard...","Cole: Knows that I know. Leave. (The guards shimmer out. The wizard appears and Cole attacks him with a sword. The wizard blocks his attack with his staff. They continue fighting.) I knew you'd come for me. (The wizards drops his staff and Cole points the sword at him.) If you wanted my powers, all you had to do was ask.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Cole and the wizard are there. The wizard is looking at a page in the Grimoir.]","Cole: How much longer?","Wizard: Give me a break, will you, this is tricky stuff. It'd be a lot easier if I could do this in friendlier confines.","Cole: There are no friendly confines, not anymore. This had better work or you'll be joining the rest of your kind and not in the way you hoped for.","Wizard: Little tip. Pressure's not the best motivating technique. If you wanna lose the Source's powers, don't rush me.","Cole: Fine, but just so we're clear, once you get the Source's powers I never hear from you again.","Wizard: Understood. Not that I'm ungrateful, but why are you so willing to do this?","(He places some lit candles on the floor.)","Cole: I lost someone I love and I want her back. That's all you need to know.","Wizard: Love? The Source can love.","Cole: Just keep working.","Wizard: I'm done. Now, if the spell's going to work, blood needs to spill. (He picks up a dagger and Cole holds out his arm. He cuts Cole's arm.) Now me. (He cuts his own. Smoke starts to rise from the Grimoir.) \"Holus into exitus omne. Holus into exitus omne. Holus into exitus omne! Holus into exitus omne.\"","(The both rise into the air and they start to glow. The wizard extends his arm and starts to pull the Source out of Cole. The Seer and Phoebe appear.)","Seer: Save him. For your son.","(Phoebe throws fire and vanquishes the wizard. Cole falls to the floor and Phoebe rushes over to him.)","[Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper, Paige and Leo are there. Paige is scrying.]","Piper: Maybe you should go back down to the underworld.","Leo: I already tried, I-I can't sense her anywhere.","Piper: Well, she's gotta be somewhere. Doesn't she?","(The crystal points to a place on the map.)","Paige: Got her.","[Cut to Phoebe and Cole's apartment.]","Phoebe: Are you okay?","Cole: What happened? What did you do?","Phoebe: I vanquished him.","Cole: Oh, but he was our last chance.","Phoebe: No it wasn't.","(Piper, Paige and Leo orb in.)","Paige: Oh, thank god we found you.","Phoebe: It's too late.","Leo: What do you mean? What are you talking about?","(Phoebe picks up the Grimoir.)","Paige: Hey, I thought only evil could touch that book.","Phoebe: That's right.","Piper: Phoebe, what's going on?","Phoebe: I'm embracing my new destiny.","(Phoebe and Cole flame out.)","Piper: What the hell was that?","Seer: That was the Source. And his queen.","Piper: You did this, you poisoned her.","Paige: Maybe we should just vanquish you.","Seer: You can't. Not without the power of three.","(The Seer disappears.)","Paige: I can't believe this is happening.","Piper: Leo, where'd she go?","(He tries to sense her.)","Leo: I can't sense her. They must be in the underworld.","Piper: Okay, so, orb us down there and we'll drag her home kicking and screaming.","Paige: There is no way we can find the coronation site without the wizard.","Piper: I don't care, we can't just leave her there.","Leo: We don't have a choice, we'll have to find another way.","[Scene: The coronation room. The coronation is about to take place.]","Cole: Are you sure about this? You're giving up your life.","Phoebe: My life is with you and our baby. We'll be strong together. After all, we're family.","(They kiss.)","Cole: I love you.","Seer: It is time.","Phoebe: We're ready.","(They walk towards the dark priest and he opens the Grimoir.)"],"Show Title":"Charmed","Episode Number":"04x19","Episode Title":"We're Off to See the Wizard","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"Alien Stalker"},{"File Name":"Charmed_04x21.json","Recap":["After banishing Cole, Phoebe's baby begins having strong demonic powers while still in the womb. As a result, the baby starts signs of open hostility toward Paige and anyone else who speaks ill of his father. What happens next is that the Seer takes it upon herself to steal the demonic baby from Phoebe and ultimately gain its power as heir to the Source."],"Transcript":["[Scene: A hospital. Phoebe is in labour and is lying on a stretcher. Doctors are pushing her down the corridor.]","Phoebe: This isn't happening, this can't be happening.","Doctor #1: Ruptured placenta, possible prolapse, ---- five centimetres.","Doctor #2: Alright, let's tell OR to get set up for ---- c-section.","Phoebe: No, wait, I'm only two months pregnant.","Doctor #1: She's full term.","Phoebe: No, you're wrong. Where are my sisters? I need my...","[Timelapse. Phoebe's in the operating room.]","Phoebe: Sisters. Did you call them?","Nurse #1: There was no time.","Doctor: We're less than a minute from skin to baby. Scalpel. Uterine incision, I need another stretch.","Nurse #1: There's nothing to be afraid of.","Phoebe: I'm afraid of what's inside me.","Doctor: I can see the baby.","Phoebe: Oh god, please let it be normal. Please, please, please, let it be normal.","Doctor: He is out. (He holds up the baby.) Would you like to see your new boy?","Nurse: He's beautiful.","Phoebe: He is beautiful.","(One of the nurse's pull down her masks and it is the Seer. The doctor hands the Seer the baby.)","Phoebe: The Seer! Don't let her take my baby! Don't let her take my baby! Don't let her take my baby! Don't let her take my baby!","[Cut to Phoebe's bedroom. Phoebe wakes up from her nightmare.]","Opening Credits","[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper, Paige and Leo are sitting at the table having breakfast. Leo is reading the paper.]","Paige: So he asked me out again last night, but he was so quiet during dinner, ugh, I swear I could hear his stomach digesting.","Piper: I always preferred quiet men, they make good listeners.","Leo: What's that, dear?","(Phoebe walks in.)","Piper: Oh, hi, sweetie, come sit, eat.","Phoebe: Oh, no, I can't, that smell.","(She sits down and covers her nose.)","Leo: It smells good.","Paige: Morning sickness, Leo.","Phoebe: Morning and night. It's more like around the clock sickness.","Piper: Well, did you at least get a good night sleep?","Phoebe: The nightmare came back.","Paige: With the Seer?","Phoebe: She wants my baby, I know it. I'm afraid that she's gonna summon me to her at any moment.","Leo: She could only get to you when you chose evil, you're safe now.","Piper: I swear to you, the Seer will never lay a finger on your baby.","Paige: Yeah, she'll have to get through us first.","Phoebe: Thanks, guys.","Piper: Are you okay?","Phoebe: Yeah, you know, pain comes in waves.","Piper: Honey, you lost your husband, it's okay to be very upset.","Phoebe: No, I can't, I have to stay strong for the baby. He's all I have left of Cole.","Paige: I'm gonna go check the Book of Shadows, there might be some magical protection against the Seer.","(She gets up.)","Piper: Uh, missy Paige, you need to go to work.","Paige: Well, I'll be late, Phoebe doesn't need to be stressed while she's pregnant.","(Paige leaves the kitchen. Phoebe follows.)","Phoebe: Paige, wait. Go ahead, say it.","Paige: Say what?","Phoebe: Something that I know on some level you've been dying to say to me.","Paige: There's nothing.","Phoebe: Come on, you knew Cole was evil the whole time when everyone thought you were crazy, and thanks to you we vanquished the Source and gave Cole peace. So go ahead, say it. Say I told you so.","Paige: I will not. It's not my style.","Phoebe: I was so unfair to you for the last few weeks and you were right and I just, I wanna clear the air right now.","Paige: You're really sweet and I appreciate the gesture but everything's totally fine.","(Paige goes upstairs. Phoebe walks back into the kitchen.)","Phoebe: Oh, whoa.","(She touches her forehead.)","Piper: Another hot flash?","Phoebe: Uh-huh, it's when I move too fast.","Piper: Phoebe, that's not really a typical pregnancy symptom I don't think. Maybe it's time we get that baby checked out.","Phoebe: I just haven't had a chance to make...","Piper: A doctors appointment? Well, I have one, it's yours.","Leo: Aren't we supposed to find out about the fertility test?","Piper: Yeah, but, uh, Phoebe needs that appointment more than we do right now.","Phoebe: How can I go to the doctor when I have a demonically challenged baby? Who knows what effects the Seer's tonics had on the little guy.","Piper: This is my point exactly, and if it'll make you feel better, I'll go with you so I can put the freeze on if anything goes wrong. You're going. Into the sturbs for you.","Phoebe: Ugh.","[Scene: Underworld. The coronation room. Demons are standing around in a circle, with the dark priest and Dane in the middle.]","Dark Priest: Dane, son of Goath, may the world's evil flow through your soul tonight and grant you eternal dark. Are you prepared to take the power and position of the Source before these leaders of the underworld?","Dane: I am.","(The dark priest opens the Grimoire. The Seer appears.)","Seer: Stop the coronation.","Dane: Seer, I didn't see your name on the guest list.","Dark Priest: Always a rare privilege, but not the best timing. What brings you here?","Seer: A vision. I saw the Source's true heir leading the underworld.","Dane: If that was your vision you need glasses. The Source's heir lives in the belly of a witch.","Dark Priest: He's right. The underworld can not wait months for a baby to be born then years for it to grow up. It needs leadership now.","Seer: In my vision I saw the Source's son taking immediate power.","(Dane laughs.)","Dane: How can an unborn child lead the underworld?","Seer: With my help he can.","Dark Priest: What do you need from this council?","Seer: A chance to prove my vision true.","Dane: She has no right to ask this. I was chosen by these leaders!","Dark Priest: But you have no direct lineage to the Source by blood or by magic. (to Seer) You have until tonight to us bring the Source's heir or the throne belongs to Dane.","[Scene: Doctor surgery. Phoebe is laying on a bed, while Piper stands beside her. The doctor is looking at her chart.]","Doctor: Your hormone levels are unusually high for a mother in her eighth week. Have you seen a doctor since you found out you were pregnant?","Phoebe: I was under the care of a Seer.","Piper: It's kind of like a new age doctor.","Doctor: Well, you really should've seen a doctor before today, a real doctor.","Phoebe: Do you think that there could possibly be something wrong with my baby?","Doctor: Well, let's just take a peek shall we? Why don't you lie back and I'm gonna do an ultrasound. Now this gel's a little bit cold.","(He squirts some gel on Phoebe's tummy. The doctor and Piper turn away for a second and suddenly flames shoot out of Phoebe's head. She gasps and the flames disappear.)","Piper: What? What's wrong?","Phoebe: Hot flash. A very, very hot-hot-hot flash.","Doctor: Not a good sign.","Piper: Well, yeah, she's been getting those a lot lately.","Phoebe: No, not like this one, I mean, it felt like my head was on fire for real.","Doctor: Let's just have a look, okay. (He starts the ultrasound and the baby shows up on the screen.) Oh, there, see?","Phoebe: Oh.","Doctor: There's your little...","(Suddenly the doctor gets electrocuted and he is pushed against the wall. Piper goes over and helps him up.)","Piper: Hi, here you go.","Doctor: What-what happened?","Piper: That's a good question. (She freezes him.) What happened?","Phoebe: Well, it's about time. My head was on fire like a tiki torch a few seconds ago.","Piper: Do not change the subject. Did your baby just electrocute the nice doctor man?","Phoebe: Yeah, I think so. But he was just protecting himself because that gel was really cold.","Piper: Protecting himself? Unborn babies don't perform magic tricks in the first trimester, Phoebe.","Phoebe: What is going on?","Piper: I don't know but don't panic, okay, we'll wrap up here and we'll go home and panic.","[Cut to the manor. Paige and Leo are there. Paige has opened to 'The Seer' page in the Book of Shadows.]","Paige: It says here the Seer has served multiple Sources. Looks like she's been around for thousands of years.","(Piper and Phoebe walk in.)","Piper: Hey.","Leo: What's going on?","Phoebe: My baby did magic.","Piper: And almost killed my doctor.","Phoebe: It was self defence.","Paige: Well, I guess that's what you get when you breed with the Source of all evil.","Phoebe: Okay, can we not say breed. You know, I'm not a horse. And Cole wasn't all evil, he was part good, and I'm all good, so this baby has a lot of good in him.","Piper: What if there's not?","Phoebe: Then there will be. My love was able to save Cole, it'll save our son too.","Piper: Let's hope so.","Phoebe: No, we'll make it so. Okay. So what did you find out about the Seer?","Paige: Well, she's immune to spells and charms but the book does classify her as an upper level demon.","Leo: So we can make a vanquishing potion.","Piper: Mm-mm, not without a tissue sample.","Phoebe: Actually, the Seer mixed her own blood into my prenatal tonic.","Piper: Nasty.","Phoebe: Yeah, and Cole kept some extra bottles in the safe at the penthouse.","Paige: You think you're ready to go to the penthouse? You haven't been there, you know, since, since he died.","Phoebe: I don't think I'll ever be ready but I can't keep borrowing your clothes.","Piper: Okay, let's go.","Phoebe: (to Paige) Wait, don't you have to work?","Paige: Ah, I'll take the afternoon off, who needs vacation time.","Phoebe: Paige, you can't keep...","Paige: Yes, I can.","Phoebe: Thank you. Bitch!","(Phoebe pushes Paige and she smashes through the window. Darryl is on the pavement heading towards the house and ducks as the glass pours down. As Paige is falling, she orbs out and orbs back in the attic.)","Paige: What the hell was that for!","Phoebe: Uh, I don't know, you'd have to ask him.","Piper: Okay, why did your mummy push Paige out the window?","Phoebe: No, it's not like that. It's just, he took over for a split second, I had no control.","Paige: But why me? I have nothing against that little f... foetus.","Phoebe: I'm sure he's sorry. (to her tummy) Aren't you sorry? Kids at this age, they don't know any better, you know.","Leo: Okay, I think I'd better go check with the Elders, see what they know about this baby.","(Leo orbs out.)","Piper: Whatever it is, I'm sure it has something to do with the Seer. Let's go get that blood.","(They walk down the stairs and Darryl walks up.)","Darryl: What was that out there? Flying practice?","Paige: Baby shoved me out the window.","Darryl: Wait, hold on a second. I left four messages here, has anybody in this house learned the magic of a telephone?","Piper: Darryl, it's been a very rough week.","Darryl: Right. Phoebe, how you holding up?","Phoebe: Uh, depends on what part of the day you ask me.","Darryl: Look, I know you've got a lot to deal with already, but there's some business I don't think can be put off any longer.","Piper: I'm sure it's pressing, but not as pressing as the demon that's after Phoebe.","(They all walk into the foyer.)","Darryl: Don't count on it. Cole worked at a high profile law firm. Right now you three are the only one's who know he's dead.","(They put on their coats.)","Paige: Listen, can this wait, we really need to get to the penthouse.","Darryl: Good, 'cause that's where I need you to handle this business.","(The leave.)","[Cut to Phoebe and Cole's old apartment. There is a black stain on the carpet and the windows are still broken. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Darryl walk in.]","Darryl: It has to look like Cole left in a hurry, that means packing up all of his stuff and personal belongings.","Piper: (to Phoebe) Are you okay?","Phoebe: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry, so why do you want me to pack up his stuff?","Darryl: I, uh, made an appointment for you at missing persons today.","Paige: Wait, you want Phoebe to report Cole as missing?","Darryl: She has to otherwise somebody else will and she'll become to prime suspect in his disappearance.","Phoebe: So you want me to pack up his stuff so it looks like he left me.","Darryl: That's right. We can not give the police any reason to suspect foul play. I mean, technically you three did kill him. (He spots the black stein.) What is that?","Piper: Well, that's where we, you know.","(He looks around.)","Darryl: This place looks like a crime scene. Is there anything you can do?","Paige: \"Let the object of objection become but a dream, as I cause the seen to be unseen.\"","(The stain disappears and the room returns to normal.)","Phoebe: Thanks.","(Paige moves closer to Phoebe.)","Paige: I just wish I could make the rest of your pain go away that easily.","Phoebe: So do I. Murdering witch!","(Phoebe hits Paige in the face and she is knocked to the floor.)","Piper: Phoebe!","Phoebe: The baby made me do it.","Piper: You know what? Now we split up. You two go pack, we'll find the Seer's tonic.","Darryl: Okay, where is this baby that everybody keeps talking about? Is it an invisible baby? Am I gonna step on it?","Phoebe: No, Darryl, it's a little more complicated than that.","(Phoebe and Darryl walk into the bedroom.)","Paige: Am I the only one who's worried about that thing growing inside of her?","Piper: No. But right now the Seer is our first priority.","Paige: I think she said it's behind this painting over here.","(The walk over to a painting hanging on the wall. Paige pulls it open and a safe is built into the wall behind it.)","Piper: Okay, so now what? She doesn't know the combination.","Paige: We don't need it. Safe door. (The safe door orbs into Paige's hands.) If financial disaster ever strikes you'll find I come in handy.","(Paige puts the door down.)","Piper: Uh, there's nothing in here.","Paige: No tonic?","Piper: No. (She pulls out a letter.) But there's this. It's Cole's handwriting.","Paige: Cole the human, or Cole the Source?","Piper: I don't know, that's for Phoebe to find out.","[Cut to the bedroom. Phoebe is showing Darryl and huge white teddy bear.]","Phoebe: Cole gave this to me the day he found out I was pregnant.","Darryl: Look, I'll start packing his stuff up, okay? And you put your own things together. (Phoebe opens the closet door and a portal opens to the Seer's cave. Phoebe starts to get sucked into it and Darryl holds onto her legs.) Piper! Paige!","Seer: I've been waiting for you.","Phoebe: Get away from me. You can't have him!","Seer: I only want what's mine!","Darryl: I'm losing her!","(Piper and Paige run in and try to pull Phoebe back in.)","Phoebe: Let go of me! (Phoebe grabs the Seer's earring and rips off her earlobe. Piper, Paige and Darryl pull her back into the room and the portal closes. Phoebe holds up the earlobe.) Here's your tissue sample.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Paige are there. Paige is making the potion. Piper picks up a plate of fruit.]","Piper: Okay, I'm gonna bring this to Phoebe, you stay here, I don't want you provoking her baby anymore.","Paige: Provoking him? Like it's my fault.","Piper: Oh, you know what I mean. (Piper walks into the dining room where Phoebe is sitting in a chair holding earphones to against her tummy.) What are you doing?","Phoebe: Shh, I'm playing Mozart for the baby to bring out his peaceful nature. Studies show that babies can hear and remember songs from the womb.","Piper: Hm, that's lovely. How about you eat something since you haven't had anything to eat all day.","Phoebe: No, I've been nauseous all day.","Piper: You've been a little fresh all day.","(Phoebe picks up a piece of watermelon and it changes into a piece of meat.)","Phoebe: I'm thinking about trying acupuncture, I hear that helps.","(She goes to take a bite of the meat.)","Piper: Phoebe, don't!","(Phoebe drops the meat.)","Phoebe: Aw, I'm gonna puke.","Piper: Maybe your baby would prefer to listen to Ozzy.","(Leo orbs in.)","Leo: The Elders believe the Seer's making a sudden play for the Source's throne but she needs Phoebe's baby to do it.","Phoebe: The Seer wants to be the Source? What could that possibly have to do with my baby? He's not due for another seven months.","Piper: Well, it doesn't matter because next time we will be ready for her.","Leo: Next time?","Piper: Yes, the Seer tried to steal Phoebe from the penthouse. How's that potion coming?","(Paige comes in holding a saucepan.)","Paige: It's done, it just needs to cool a little bit. (Phoebe throws fire at Paige and she drops the saucepan.) That baby needs a serious time out.","Piper: Go, go, go into the kitchen.","(Paige goes back into the kitchen.)","Leo: So much for the vanquishing potion.","Paige: How come your baby only attacks me?","Phoebe: I don't know, Paige, he must resent you. You know, you never really liked his father.","Paige: With good reason. Hey, maybe you resent me and the baby's just modelling after mum.","Phoebe: Paige, how can you say that?","Piper: Alright, enough, the two of you will not address each other, you will not set foot into the same room until further notice, got it? (to Paige) You, you got enough ear left to make another batch of that potion?","Paige: Yes.","Piper: Then do it. (to Phoebe) You, you're gonna hit the Book of Shadows and you're gonna figure out a way to control Chucky there.","Phoebe: I can't, I told Morris I'd meet him at missing persons in a half an hour.","Leo: I would strongly advise against that. Your baby...","Phoebe: Is fine, just as long as he doesn't feel threatened and doesn't meet anyone with unresolved issues with his father.","Paige: (from kitchen) I heard that!","Piper: Phoebe, how can you say that? How can you risk going out in public with... in your condition.","Phoebe: Because if I don't report Cole missing, someone will, and the police will be knocking on our door. Besides, Morris put himself on the line, I can't let him down.","Piper: Alright, but Leo is going with you in case of any trouble. (Phoebe and Leo head for the door.) And I will hit the book and figure out how to deal with... demonic foetuses.","[Scene: The underworld. The Source's dungeon. The Seer walks over to a tall man sitting in a cage.]","Seer: I have an offer for you.","Tall Man: Nobody comes down the Source's dungeon unless they are dead, damned or desperate. Which are you?","Seer: Desperate. I need your power.","Tall Man: I have a power? Yes, I almost forgot. I haven't used it in centuries. I've been sentenced to spend eternity alone in this cage.","Seer: It's a fine cage.","Tall Man: The Source had it forged from unbreakable magic. Nothing can escape it.","Seer: Yes, I know. It was some of my best work. That's right, I built your prison and my magic alone has the power to free you.","Tall Man: The Source would never allow it.","Seer: The Source is dead. I can give you freedom and a chance to earn favour with the new Source in exchange for your help.","Tall Man: What kind of help?","Seer: I need you to do what every demon before you has failed to do, even me. Capture and contain a Charmed One.","Tall Man: A Charmed what?","Seer: A powerful witch. I need you to bring her down to the underworld, it is the only way that my magic can work. That shouldn't be hard for you, a demon who has swallowed worlds. Interested?","(The tall man stands up.)","Tall Man: Get me out.","Seer: Remember, my magic put you in this cage. Betray me and you'll go right back.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Police station. Phoebe and Leo walk in.]","Phoebe: (to her baby) Please be good and I promise I'll eat a huge tritip tonight.","(Darryl walks over to them.)","Darryl: You're gonna meet Inspector Miles, he's train to spot on liars, so just answer his questions as honestly as you can, okay?","(They walk into a room.)","Inspector Miles: Morris tells me that you think your husband might have left town?","Phoebe: I don't know what to think. Last Wednesday we had a huge battle and he just never came back.","Inspector Miles: Did he leave anything?","Darryl: Nothing. I checked the penthouse myself. Clothing, personal belongings... gone.","Inspector Miles: What was the fight about?","Phoebe: My sisters. I have two sisters and they didn't approve of me marrying Cole.","Inspector Miles: Why not?","Phoebe: They're just different. Oil and water, you know, fire and ice, heaven and...","Inspector Miles: Hell?","Phoebe: Bingo.","Inspector Miles: So you'd say that your husband has a dark side then?","Phoebe: Yes.","Inspector Miles: Has he ever hurt you?","(Suddenly, some books fall off a shelf above the inspector and land on him.)","Darryl: Are you okay?","Leo: Here, let me help.","Phoebe: (to her tummy) Stop that right now. Um, Inspector, I know it doesn't seem like my husband's a great guy but I would advise you not to say anything negative about him right now.","Inspector Miles: Listen, ma'am, I've gotta call them as I seem them. You turn up pregnant and he takes off, your husband fits the classic profile of a dead beat dad.","(The inspector continues picking up the books and a fireball appears in Phoebe's hand.)","Leo: (whispers) Make it go out.","Phoebe: I can't make it go out. (She flings the fireball into the trash can.)","Darryl: Phoebe? Uh, I'm mean fire!","Inspector Miles: Move away, move away, move away.","(He grabs the fire extinguisher and puts out the fire.)","Darryl: (whispers) Why are you doing this to me?","Phoebe: It's not my fault, it's just the baby doesn't like when anybody talks bad about Cole. Ooh!","(She grabs her stomach.)","Inspector Miles: What's wrong?","Phoebe: My stomach, it's like something's t-tearing.","Leo: Come on, let's get you outta here.","[Cut to the manor. Parlor. Piper's on the phone. She seems upset.]","Piper: Yeah, I'm okay. Yeah, I'm sure. Um, I'll call back later to schedule that appointment. Okay, thanks.","(She hangs up and goes into the kitchen.)","Paige: You are just in time. One bottle of Seer vanquishing potion. What about you? Anything in the book about how to control demon spawn?","Piper: Uh, I thought about binding his powers but, uh, then that would leave Phoebe without hers.","Paige: Yeah, well, you might want to keep that option open, there's something seriously wrong with that baby.","Piper: Yeah, I know, but it doesn't matter. He's part of us, part of our family. And who knows, he may be the only baby in the Halliwell family.","Paige: Okay, what's going on? Spill.","Piper: That was Dr. Harris on the phone. I got the results for my fertility tests.","Paige: And?","Piper: There's some problems. Um, he said something about scarring or scar tissue, something about blunt trauma injury.","Paige: Oh, honey.","Piper: He asked me if I had suffered any serious blows to the abdomen. He seems to think, um, it would be difficult, if not impossible for me to conceive.","Paige: I'm so sorry.","Piper: It's weird, 'cause when I went to the future I met that little girl, I saw my little girl. I saw what she looked like and what she sounded like and the sound of her laugh. I just, I can't imagine not knowing her.","Paige: You still might.","Piper: I might not. I just, don't know what to tell Leo. He's so excited about having a baby. You should've seen him...","(They hear the front door open.)","Leo: Piper? (Piper and Paige race into the foyer. Phoebe is still holding her stomach.) She's getting worse.","Piper: Can't you do something?","Leo: I tried to heal her, I can't.","Phoebe: Stand back, stand back.","(Flames shoot out the top of her head. She groans and falls to her knees.)","Piper: (to Paige) Alright, you stay out of her sight for your own safety, go.","(Paige runs around the corner.)","Phoebe: Oh, make it stop, make it stop.","Piper: Leo, go get some ice water or something. (Leo goes into the kitchen. Piper holds Phoebe.) It's okay, just try to breathe through it. Breathe, breathe.","(The tall man appears.)","Paige: Piper, look out!","(Piper tries to blow him up but nothing happens.)","Piper: Uh-oh.","(Leo runs back in.)","Leo: Hey!","(He grabs a chair and throws it at the demon. He sucks the whole chair inside of him, kind of like a portal.)","Piper: Get up, get up, come on.","(She helps Phoebe up.)","Leo: Whatever you do don't touch him.","Tall Man: You can't run from me, I'll always find you.","(Paige runs in.)","Paige: Phoebe, I'll orb you out of here.","(Phoebe kicks Paige and she falls into the tall man. They disappear.)","Phoebe: That wasn't me, it was the baby, I couldn't control him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe is sitting on a couch looking through the Book of Shadows. Leo orbs in.]","Phoebe: Did you sense her?","Leo: No, if she's in the underworld I can't get a read on her.","Phoebe: If anything happens to Paige I will never forgive myself.","(Piper walks in carrying some iced tea.)","Piper: Anything on that demon?","Phoebe: I think so, come look.","(She puts down the tea and looks at the book.)","Piper: \"Oral tradition tales of a giant whose body served as a portal to other dimensions. Because he was imprisoned centuries ago, nobody knows what this demon's name is or if he even exists.\"","Phoebe: It gets worse. There's no known vanquish for him, the Source was so threatened he condemned the giant to spend eternity in a cage.","Leo: The Seer must have set him free to capture Phoebe.","Phoebe: But he got Paige instead thanks to me.","Piper: No, that had nothing to do with you. How are you feeling?","Phoebe: Uh, better, I think the baby's resting. It's when he's active and using magic that it hurts the most.","Piper: Here, have some iced tea, it will cool you off.","(She hands Phoebe a glass. She goes to have a sip and then throws it across the room.)","Phoebe: What the hell? I can't even enjoy some iced tea!","Piper: Uh, it wasn't iced tea. It was a binding potion. Paige suggested it to help control the baby and I couldn't tell you because if I did he would've stopped you...","Phoebe: He stopped me anyway. He knows things that I don't know. He's trying to take control of me.","Leo: You can't let that happen, if he takes control he'll never let go.","Phoebe: I know. It's not me and it's not Cole, it's the Source.","[Scene: Underworld. The Source's dungeon. Paige is asleep in the cage. She wakes up with a fright. The Seer is standing there watching her.]","Paige: So what, are you into some kind of dominatrix thing now?","Seer: You are not the sister I expected but you'll do.","Paige: Sorry I can't stick around but you're creeping me out anyway.","(She tries to orb out of the cage but can't. The Seer laughs.)","Seer: You're not going anywhere.","(Paige stands up.)","Paige: So what was your plan? Trap Phoebe in this cage and fatten her up till she gives birth?","Seer: Even don't have that kind of patience.","Paige: Well, whatever you plan was I'm happy to spoil it.","Seer: You didn't spoil anything. Phoebe will come to me as soon as she gets my message.","Paige: What message?","(The Seer's eyes turn white.)","[Cut to the manor. Attic. Phoebe gets a premonition of the Seer killing Paige.]","Phoebe: I saw the Seer, she was killing Paige.","Leo: How can you get a premonition without touching anything?","Phoebe: I don't know, maybe the Seer sent it to me.","(The tall man appears.)","Piper: That is not all she sent.","Tall Man: Come with me now or your sister dies. You've already seen how.","Piper: No, Phoebe, don't.","Leo: It's a trap.","Phoebe: It doesn't matter, I have to save Paige, it's the only chance left.","Leo: No. (Phoebe pushes Leo out of the way. Piper gasps.) You're letting your baby control you, Phoebe.","Phoebe: That wasn't the baby, that was me. I got Paige into this mess, I'm gonna get her out of it.","(Piper pulls the Seer vanquishing potion out of her pocket.)","Piper: Oh, no you're not. Not if I kill the Seer first. (She heads towards the tall man and a beam of blue light shines out of Phoebe's hands. It hits the tall man and Piper, knocking them to the ground. The potion bottle breaks and Piper cuts her hand.) Damn it! Did that come from you?","Phoebe: I'm sorry, Piper, I can't let you take the fall for me.","Piper: Well, why not?","Leo: You can't use the baby's powers like that.","(The tall man gets up.)","Tall Man: Come here, witch.","(The blue light comes out of Phoebe's hand again and starts to vanquish the tall man.)","Piper: Phoebe, don't! (The tall man is vanquished.) Phoebe, nobody has ever been able to vanquish that demon. Do you realise what you just did?","(Phoebe's eyes turn black.)","Leo: Stay away, that's not Phoebe anymore.","(Phoebe flames out.)","[Cut to the underworld. The dungeon. Phoebe flames in.]","Seer: Come to me, child.","Paige: Phoebe, snap out of it, please.","Seer: \"Let the little children come to me, for the kingdom belongs to such as these, (she takes Phoebe over to a circle of candles) the rose circle represents nature, desire, fertility.\" Kneel.","(Phoebe kneels down.)","Paige: Phoebe, it's your body, take control, fight it.","Seer: \"Give me strength, and give me might, to steal a child in still of night.\"","Paige: Phoebe!","Seer: \"Darkest forces let it be, here my plea, bring life to me.\"","(A light comes out of Phoebe and goes into the Seer. Phoebe returns to normal.)","Phoebe: My baby.","Seer: He was never yours, or Cole's. From the moment of conception this baby was mine.","(She unbuttons part of her dress to reveal the baby moving around in her.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Underworld. The coronation room. Dane, the dark priest and the council leaders are there.]","Dane: Deadline's passed, she's not here, the throne belongs to me.","Dark Priest: We can wait one more...","Dane: Give me the oath! I want my power! (The Seer flames in.) You promised to bring the Source's heir, so where is he?","Seer: Inside me.","(The Seer's eyes turn black. They all bow their heads.)","Dark Priest: The council has chosen. The Seer will be our new Source.","Dane: No, it's a trick.","Seer: I have brought the council a gift. (Phoebe and Paige appear still in the cage.)","Dane: Charmed Ones. How dare you bring them into our sanctuary.","Seer: The witches are locked in a cage from which no magic can escape.","Dane: You can't be sure of that.","Seer: So much negative energy.","(The Seer vanquishes Dane.)","Dark Priest: Am I to presume these witches of the human sacrifice required to seal your coronation?","Paige: Human sacrifice? I didn't know that was part of the plan, did you?","Seer: To be your Source, to start a new evil order, to kill the Charmed Ones, this was my vision from the beginning. Every council leader here will reap the rewards with... Ah! (She doubles over in pain.)","Dark Priest: What is it?","Seer: Just start the ceremony.","Paige: Doesn't look like she's having anymore luck with that thing inside of her than you are. Ah, sorry, that was insensitive.","Phoebe: It's okay, the baby wasn't mine.","Paige: What do you mean?","Phoebe: The baby was never mine. From the moment it took over, it just felt like this black hole of evil. Totally soulless.","Paige: Phoebe.","Phoebe: Yeah.","Paige: Told you so. (They laugh.) I'm really sorry.","Phoebe: I know you are, honey, I know you are.","Dark Priest: Seer, are you prepared to accept the power and position of the Source before all these leaders of the underworld?","Seer: I am.","Phoebe: Okay, so now what?","Paige: We might have a fighting chance if we had the power of three but we can't get to Piper. Ugh, this cage is magic proof.","Phoebe: Okay, so the cage is built to make sure magic wouldn't get out, but in the premonition I had, I saw the Seer kill you with a power.","Paige: So the cage lets magic in. Do you remember the spell to call a lost witch?","Phoebe: Piper and I just used it to try to find you. Uh, \"powers of the witches rise, course unseen across the skies...\"","[Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper closes the Book of Shadows.]","Piper: There's nothing left, we've tried everything.","Leo: Well, there's gotta be something missing, something we haven't thought of. (He turns his back to her and paces across the attic. Piper disappears.) Maybe if we summon a demon, someone who knows the way to the Seer's lair, he can lead us to Phoebe and Paige.","[Cut to the coronation room. Piper appears in the cage.]","Piper: Oh!","Phoebe: Oh, thank god it worked.","Piper: So am I. Where are we?","Paige: Uh, trapped in a cage.","Piper: Mm-hm, okay, so lets bust out.","Paige: No, you can't use your magic in here, it'll just bounce off and probably kill us.","Dark Priest: Repeat the oath after me.","Piper: Ah, what's going on out there?","Phoebe: The Seer's being coronated as the new Source.","Piper: Huh.","Paige: Yeah, then she's gonna sacrifice us.","Piper: Lets get this straight, you guys summoned me to a cage where my powers don't work, so we can all die together!","Paige: Well, the plan has some flaws admittedly.","Phoebe: We just have to stay positive. We have the power of three here, there is nothing stronger than that, right?","(The Seer starts glowing and floats up into the air.)","Piper: Are you sure there's nothing stronger than the power of three?","(The Seer floats back down the ground. She turns to the cage and gets a shock when she notices Piper.)","Seer: What an unexpected surprise. You just made my...","(Flames shoot out of her head and she groans.)","Phoebe: It's the baby. He has too much power for her. That's how I felt, it felt like I was gonna explode.","Paige: What are we gonna do?","Phoebe: We need to make her tap into the baby's power, all of it.","Paige: How the hell are we gonna do that?","(The flames disappear.)","Seer: I command all in attendance to witness the power of the Source.","Piper: Power of three spell?","Phoebe: Uh, okay.","Piper, Phoebe, Paige: \"The power of three will set us free, the power of three will set us free.\" (The blue beam of light hits the cage but the spell protects them.) \"The power of three will set us free, the power of three will set us free.\"","Dark Priest: What's wrong?","Seer: Nothing's wrong!","(They continue chanting and the blue light rebounds back and hits the Seer. It then rebounds onto every demon in the room and they are all vanquished.)","Piper: Where did everybody go?","(Piper kicks the cage and one of the sides fall off. They get out.)","Phoebe: The blast took everyone out. The Seer, the council leaders.)","Piper: Well, I'd say that the scales of good and evil just dramatically tipped in our favour.","Paige: Look, the Grimoire, still untouched.","Phoebe: It's time we get rid of that book once and for all.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are there sitting on the couch. Leo orbs in.]","Leo: Well, the Grimoire has a new home in a mountain of rock in the West Andes.","(He sits beside Piper.)","Piper: Thanks, honey.","Leo: Sure.","(They kiss.)","Paige: How many times have we vanquished the Source now?","Phoebe: Three, but who's counting.","Paige: Did we get him?","Leo: I think that'd be safe to say based on how the Elders are reacting, it's like a holiday up there. They still can't believe you did it.","Piper: Yeah, well, let's not forget the cost.","Leo: Well, I gotta say after all this, I'm still looking forward to having a good baby in this house.","Piper: Yeah, I haven't had a chance to talk to you about that yet. I heard from Dr. Harris today.","Leo: And?","Piper: And we're in for a rough road.","Leo: Rough road? What does that mean? What did he say?","Piper: Shh, it's okay, it doesn't mean that we're giving in or giving up, there are a lot of options in the world, don't worry.","Phoebe: Don't worry, Leo. I'm sure the Charmed line isn't supposed to end with us.","Piper: Um, Phoebe, (she gets up and picks up the letter) I found this in Cole's safe. It's for you.","(She hands it to Phoebe.)","[Timelapse. Phoebe's bedroom. She's reading the letter.]","Cole's Voiceover: If I'm dead right now, I know it was at your hand. No one else in heaven or hell had power over me. Please don't cry, I was dead before I met you, I was born the day you loved me, and my love for you will keep me alive, forever.","(Phoebe lays on her bed. A breeze blows through the window.)","Cole's Voice: (quietly) Help me. (Phoebe sits up.) Phoebe.","Phoebe: Cole?"],"Show Title":"Charmed","Episode Number":"04x21","Episode Title":"Womb Raider","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"Alien Stalker"},{"File Name":"Charmed_05x22.json","Recap":["When there is a freak heat wave, Paige is worried that there may be something demonic behind the weird weather and sets out to figure out why. Phoebe tries to deal with life with Jason in Hong Kong and helps Elise organize a bachelor auction at P3. Piper and Leo have to use their therapy tools when Leo is called up to the Elders. The Titans are released from a long slumber and begin going after Whitelighters, and all of the magical creatures from San Francisco come to the manor in an effort to get the Charmed Ones to save them. Paige gets turned to stone after she summons one of the Titans, and almost dies before a strange Whitelighter, named Chris Perry, appears and sends the Titan away. Piper finds out that the Titans are going after Whitelighters so they can go after the Elders and tells Leo. While he is up there, Leo begins blaming Chris, but finds out that he has to turn Piper, Phoebe, and Paige into mythological Goddesses themselves in order for them to defeat the Titans. Now all-powerful Goddesses, the Charmed Ones must try not to be seduced by their new powers and stay focused on vanquishing The Titans before they destroy all Whitelighters and Elders. Piper, wields the powers of the Goddess of Earth, Phoebe is the Goddess of Love, and Paige is the Goddess of War. Meanwhile, Leo becomes an Elder as a reward for his actions, turning Piper's life upside-down. Her loss and anger consumes her, allowing the Charmed Ones to destroy The Titans. Chris is made the Charmed Ones' new Whitelighter. Piper's anger at Leo causes her to take her anger out on the world, but her sisters get through to her and Leo takes away her pain so she can move on. After Leo asks Chris to take care of the girls, Chris secretly banishes Leo as he orbs away."],"Transcript":["[Scene: P3. Night. Phoebe is sitting at a table with a guy.]","Phoebe: I am really glad Elise made me call you. You're exactly the kind of guy I've been looking for.","Guy: Is that so?","Phoebe: Oh, it is so so. You're cute, you're sweet, you're smart. And from what I hear, you're raking in the dough.","Guy: Well, you have quite the way with words, don't you?","Phoebe: Yeah, well, when it comes to helping needy children, I'm shameless. Come on, Evan, please do the charity auction. It'll be fun.","Evan: It'll be fun to be auctioned off like a side of beef?","(They laugh.)","Phoebe: Yeah, well, it's not like we're asking you to marry the highest bidder, it's just, you know, one little date. And one little tax deductible donation, you know, to match your lady's bid.","Evan: Is there any chance Ask Phoebe will be doing some bidding?","Phoebe: Well, you will just have to sign up to find out, hm.","(She shows him a clipboard and he writes his name down.)","[Cut to Paige and a guy sitting at the bar.]","Guy #2: Then I graduated from Stanford law in '98.","Paige: Harvard law. Hm, that's impressive. So do you want to give to a charity, or what?","Guy: I said Stanford, not Harvard.","Paige: Let me ask you something. Have you been having any kind of end of the world, fire and brimstone, doomsday kind of dreams lately?","Guy: Wait a minute, is this some sort of religious charity?","Paige: Huh?","(Phoebe walks up to them.)","Phoebe: No, it's not. It's for children.","Guy: Right. Yeah. Hey, to each his own, but I'm not into the whole fire and brimstone thing.","(The guy walks away.)","Phoebe: Paige, you're supposed to be flirting with the bachelors, not frightening them.","Paige: I'm sorry, I guess I'm just a little off.","Phoebe: Well, my boyfriend moved to Hong Kong, I'm thoroughly depressed. But I still managed to sign up six people and you have...","Paige: I have none people.","Phoebe: None people. Paige, I know you've been in a bad mood but this is getting a little crazy.","Paige: What? I've barely slept all week. I keep having these strange dreams about ancient wars and weird magic. All very disturbing.","Phoebe: Do you think they mean something?","Paige: I don't know. It could be hormones. More likely, it could be my subconscious trying to tell me something.","[Scene: Snow-Covered Mountains. A cave. A demon kneels before two huge frozen people. The demon reads from a scroll.]","Demon: Emergo dormio lebertus chilus dechio. Emergo dormio lebertus chilus dechio. (The ice surrounding the people starts to crackle. Suddenly, the ice explodes, knocking the demon backwards. The people are free - Titans from Ancient Greece.) It worked. You're alive.","(The demon stands up.)","Male Titan: How long?","Demon: How long? Three thousand years, give or take a century.","Female Titan: What!","(A pot across the room bursts into flames.)","Male Titan: Who are you?","Demon: Me? I'm the demon who spent decades trying to free you. Now you're gonna return the favour. It wasn't easy either. The world's forgotten about you. But I had a vision. If I could somehow revive you, I could use your power to bring myself to glory, rule the underworld as I was always meant to.","(The male titan zaps the demon and vanquishes him.)","Male Titan: Imbecile.","(The female titan smiles.)","Female Titan: I love it when you smite so unexpectedly.","(They kiss passionately.)","Male Titan: We have to find Cronus and free him as well.","Female Titan: Do we have to? I know he'll be furious.","Male Titan: I am counting on it.","Opening Credits","[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper and Phoebe are there. Piper is sitting on the chair fanning herself with sheets of paper. Phoebe opens the doors to the yard.]","Phoebe: With the love that is everything good and pure, why have we never bothered to get air conditioning?","Piper: Because we live in San Francisco where the temperature rarely goes above 75\u00ba.","Phoebe: Okay, well, it's at 90 now, can we get one today, please?","Piper: Yeah, we could if it was not for this little expenditure here.","(Piper hands her the phone bill.)","Phoebe: Uh-oh. Yeah, that's a lot of phone calls to Hong Kong.","Piper: Yes, it is.","Phoebe: Okay, before you start yelling, let me just explain to you I'm trying to figure out where Jason and I stand, and to do that it requires a lot of phone calls. You're gonna throw that glass at me, aren't you?","Piper: No, honey, I get it. You know, it is a very big phone bill, but if you have to choose between true love and air conditioning, I'd say it's a no brainer.","Phoebe: Who are you and what have you done to my sister?","Piper: What? I can't be in a good mood?","Phoebe: No. Mary Poppins wouldn't be in a good mood in this kind of heat.","Piper: Well, Wyatt is finally sleeping through the night and my hormones are back in wack and, you know, Leo and I are finally...","Phoebe: Back in the saddle.","Piper: So to speak.","Phoebe: Yay you. God I miss s*x.","Piper: I gotta tell you, life is feeling pretty damn good at the moment.","Phoebe: So where is your lucky husband and my perfect nephew?","Piper: They are shopping for a present for Darryl's son.","Phoebe: Look at you. You're like soccer mum. Dare I say it, your life is almost normal.","(Paige walks in.)","Paige: There is nothing normal about this heat.","Phoebe: Good morning, sunshine.","Paige: Oh, save the quips and pass the caffeine. I have work to do.","(Phoebe hands Paige a glass of iced tea.)","Piper: What are you gonna do? Scry for mother nature and have a wiccan word with her?","Paige: Okay, you're way too perky, alright, and you're frightening me. I'm just saying.","Phoebe: So you think this weather is demonic?","Paige: I don't know, there's just something weird. I keep waking up all week long with these fiery dreams. What am I supposed to think?","Piper: Uh-oh, you're not getting like a god complex or something, are you? 'Cause, you know, they've got medication for that.","Paige: I didn't say my dreams caused it, I'm just... I don't know what I'm saying.","Phoebe: Honey, maybe you need to get out of the house a little more.","Paige: Well, this isn't just me being obsessive... okay, maybe a little bit. But it's not just psychological or emotional, I really, really think there's something...","Piper: Magical.","Paige: Yeah, for lack of a better term. Listen, I don't wanna be a downer but I'm gonna go hit the books so I can go figure out what the hell is going on.","(Paige leaves the room.)","Phoebe: Should we be worried?","Piper: I don't think so. But I just wish she'd stop looking for trouble, 'cause with our luck, she's gonna find it.","[Scene: Snow-Covered Mountains. The two titans are standing in front of a frozen Cronus, another Titan. The male titan is melting the ice with his power.]","Male Titan: There he is as raffle as ever.","Female Titan: All the more reason to leave him be.","Male Titan: Careful, Meta.","Meta: Demetrius, I'm telling you, we don't need him. We've more than enough power to rule without him, you know that. Just imagine, a new plague every day, a monsoon every week. It would be devastating.","(Demetrius chuckles.)","Demetrius: Nevertheless, we will need his strength to revenge our captors and that is something we all want. Oh, now, don't pout, Meta. You might start a hurricane and alert them. (He kisses her.) Now, go and find the Whitelighters. Won't be long before I free Cronus and you know how impatient he can get.","(Meta disappears. Demetrius turns into a tornado and floats to the sky, turning into dark clouds. A lightning bolt flashes down and hits the ice surround Cronus.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Park. A birthday party. Piper and Leo are sitting on chairs with Wyatt beside them in his pram. Darryl is cooking some sausages on the barbeque. Darryl's son runs up to him.]","Darryl's Son: Daddy! Daddy! Show us your trick!","Darryl: Trick? I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about. (Darryl kneels down in front of his son.) Hold on a second, wait, you have something in your ear.","Darryl's Son: I do? (Darryl reaches behind his son's ear and pulls out a coin.) Yeah!","(Darryl's son gives him a hug.)","Leo: You call that magic?","(Leo laughs. Piper playfully hits him on the arm. Darryl's wife, Sheila, walks over to them.)","Sheila: Okay, who wants hot dogs?","(Leo puts his arm around Piper and they cuddle happily.)","Darryl: Let me guess. First time the baby slept all night, huh?","Piper: How'd you know?","Darryl: First few months after my kid was born was rough, you know. No sleep, no time for each other.","Leo: Sounds familiar.","Sheila: Yeah, but right about three, four months, things started to level off. Really good again.","Darryl: 'Til he hits two.","Sheila: Oh, don't scare them.","(The Elders call Leo.)","Leo: Uh, Piper, I have to go.","Piper: But we just got here.","Leo: I know, baby, but it's the Elders.","(Piper looks at Darryl.)","Darryl: Don't worry, she knows.","Sheila: Ah, secret's safe with me. Argue away.","Leo: Honey, I'm sorry, but it sounds urgent.","Piper: Okay, well, then I need to express to you that this is going to make me feel a little abandoned.","Leo: Alright, well, I understand, I acknowledge your feelings and I want to let you know that I love you, even though I have to go.","(Darryl laughs.)","Sheila: Darryl, stop.","Piper: What's so funny?","Darryl: Nothing, um, just marriage counselling, huh?","Sheila: Honey, we did it too. We recognise the tools.","Piper: I think I hate the tools. I'd rather just snipe later than be honest and open about my feelings now.","Darryl: Yeah, we felt the same way.","Wife: But you know what? Turns out the tools really helped.","Leo: Piper, I have to go.","Piper: Fine, go. I mean, thank you for considering my feelings and I love you and I will see you later at home.","Leo: Okay.","(They kiss and Leo leaves.)","Sheila: Very good.","[Scene: P3. Phoebe and Elise are there. Other people are setting up for the children's charity.]","Elise: So you'll introduce the bachelors from here and then they'll enter from over there. (Phoebe watches a cute guy walk past.) Phoebe, are you with me?","Phoebe: I am all over him... I mean it. All over it.","Elise: Phoebe, the newspaper only sponsors one charity event a year and I want this to go off without a hitch.","Phoebe: It will, I promise.","Elise: Okay, that's what I like to hear. Oh, and please thank your sister again for donating her club.","Phoebe: I just hope everyone doesn't melt by the time they get here. It's gonna be kind of hard to auction off bachelor soup.","Elise: It is bizarre weather, isn't it? I spoke to Jason this morning and he says it's the same way in Hong Kong.","Phoebe: You spoke to Jason? Did he mention me?","Elise: Look, not that it's any of my business but are you sure you want to tether yourself to a boyfriend who's half way across the world?","Phoebe: I know. And the truth is this heat's kind of making me boy crazy. It just feels really to end a good relationship so abruptly.","Elise: He's the one who moved away, Phoebe.","Phoebe: I know.","Elise: And at the risk of advising an advice columnist, I say you bid on a bachelor or two tomorrow. That way I can live vicariously through you.","Phoebe: Oh, Elise, you brazen hussy.","Elise: Hehe hehe hehe hehe.","(Paige orbs in near by, holding two thick coats.)","Phoebe: Oh my god.","Elise: What? What is it?","Phoebe: Nothing. Hold that thought.","Elise: What thought?","(Phoebe goes over to Paige.)","Phoebe: Paige, are you out of your mind?","Paige: As it turns out I am not. Listen, we are in big trouble.","Phoebe: Yeah, you almost exposed our magic to a room full of people.","Paige: No, listen. I studied the I-ching, tarot cards, runes and tea leaves and they're all giving me the same reading.","Phoebe: That you need a good night sleep?","Paige: No, that there's something big going on in the supernatural world. If my reading is right, it's not just the thunder and heat, we could be in store for a big earthquake or worse.","Phoebe: Okay, so what do you want us to do? Do you have a plan?","Paige: Not so much a plan as a location. I scryed for evil and one place kept coming right up red hot. (She hands Phoebe one of the jackets.) Take this, you're gonna need it. We're going on a trip.","[Cut to the Snow-covered Mountains. Cave. Phoebe and Paige walk into the cave wearing the jackets. Phoebe is shivering.]","Phoebe: Okay, there's a reason nobody lives in this part of the world because they all died from the cold.","Paige: I thought you said you wanted air conditioning.","Phoebe: This sucks.","(Paige spots a scorch mark.)","Paige: Scorch mark. See if you can get a premonition.","Phoebe: I don't have my gloves.","Paige: Tough it out. I got us this far.","Phoebe: Okay, fine.","(Phoebe kneels down and touches the scorch mark.)","Paige: Did you get anything?","Phoebe: Yeah. Frost bite. Shush. (Phoebe gets a premonition.) Ooh! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.","Paige: Hot?","Phoebe: No, not here hot. In my vision.","Paige: Vision, good, tell me what it is.","Phoebe: Ah, two very large someone's coming out of that wall.","(She points.)","Paige: Who?","Phoebe: I don't know.","(Suddenly, the roof caves in on top of them.)","[Cut to outside. A lightning bolt hits a frozen Cronus and he is freed. Demetrius appears.]","Cronus: Demetrius.","Demetrius: My lord.","Cronus: They did this to me. To me!","Demetrius: They will be punished.","Cronus: Punished. I will obliterate them!","[Cut inside the cave. Phoebe and Paige make their way out from under the snow.]","Paige: Earthquake. Did I call it or what?","Phoebe: Did I mention this sucks?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe and Paige are there. Phoebe has a blanket wrapped around her and she is shivering. Piper walks in carrying a box.]","Piper: Okay, I know it's cooled off a little bit since this morning but what are you doing?","Phoebe: Defrosting.","Paige: Is this them?","(Phoebe looks at the Book of Shadows.)","Phoebe: No.","Piper: Who's them?","Phoebe: We're not sure yet. How was the party?","Piper: Oh, just super fun. Leo got called away and I got to use my tools.","Phoebe: What?","Paige: Is that them?","Phoebe: No, they looked a little bit more... ancient.","Piper: Will someone please tell me what's going on?","(Leo orbs in.)","Leo: Ah, a Whitelighter's disappeared.","Phoebe: A Whitelighter? Like from a Darklighter?","Leo: No, a Darklighter's poison is slow and painful, this was more instantaneous and the Elders have no idea what it could have been.","Paige: It's all connected.","Piper: What's connected?","Paige: Whatever it is that escaped from the ice cave.","Leo: You were in an ice cave?","Paige: Heat wave, earthquake, my dreams, this is way bigger than any one Whitelighter.","Phoebe: I'd better drop out of that charity benefit.","Leo: Yeah, maybe we should cancel counselling, honey.","Piper: Hold it, wait a minute, no. This is exactly what we're supposed to be learning in therapy. When to put our lives on hold and when not to.","Paige: But Piper, a Whitelighter was killed.","Piper: We don't know that. He could've just clipped his wings and he's in hiding.","Phoebe: Is that possible?","Leo: Yeah, I guess.","Piper: Look, people, we just need to manage our lives our little bit better. Dr. Berenson says that needless worry and panic serve absolute no purpose except to prevent the possibility of happiness.","Phoebe: I am all for the possibility of happiness.","Piper: Good, so we need to address the immediate the problem at hand and circle the wagons only when we have to.","Paige: Okay, Leo, maybe you should get the Elders to put a ban on Whitelighters orbing until we figure out exactly what's going on.","Leo: Okay, I'll meet you in therapy.","Piper: Okay, don't be late. Is it safe for you to orb up there right now?","Leo: Yeah, no worrying remember?","(He kisses Piper and orbs out.)","[Cut to Up There. Everything is white. Elders wearing gold robes walk around talking in their clickety-clack language. Leo orbs in and looks around. He walks over to two Elders.]","Leo: What's going on? What's with all the activity? I just left here.","Roland: It's not your concern.","Cecil: Roland, please. Actually, we're not sure, Leo. But we do know something is not quite right.","Leo: Why? Has another Whitelighter...","Cecil: No. It's something else.","Roland: Something we're not at liberty to discuss outside the council of Elders.","Leo: Anything to do with heat waves? Earthquakes?","Cecil: What do you know?","Leo: Not much. Just that Paige has been having these strange dreams lately. Dreams that seem pretty prophetic.","Cecil: You think she foresaw these earthquakes?","Leo: Yes.","Roland: That's not her power.","Leo: It's not a power, it's more of an instinct.","Roland: An instinct? That's what you're basing this on?","Leo: Well, it hasn't let her down so far, has it? Look, excuse me, but I've just learned to rely on her instincts. All of their instincts.","Cecil: As well you should have, Leo. Now, what did you come up here to tell us?","Leo: Just that the girls think, we all think, maybe we should ground all Whitelighters until we know for sure that it's safe.","(The Elders look at each other.)","Cecil: We agree. We'll initiate the orders as soon as you've returned to them. In the mean time, keep them working on this, it's important.","Leo: You're worried, aren't you?","Cecil: You know me better than that. At the end of the day, even we can't change what's meant to be. Just remember, no matter what happens, you must always follow your instincts too.","[Scene: A park. Night. A stone statue is there. A witch is unconscious on the ground with a wound on her forehead. Meta is standing near by. A woman Whitelighter orbs in.]","Woman Whitelighter: Krista!","Meta: It's about time you came to heal your charge.","Woman Whitelighter: Who are you? What do you want?","Meta: A Whitelighter.","(Meta's eyes glow and turns the Whitelighter into stone.)","[Cut to the snowy place. Demetrius and Cronus are there. Meta and the two stone statues appear.]","Meta: It's good to see you again, my lord.","Cronus: You never were a good liar, Meta. Where's the third one?","Meta: Unfortunately, Whitelighters are not as easy to find in this time. Much has changed. Magic is no longer practised so openly.","Cronus: Much may have changed, but you certainly haven't. You know, it's always amazed me how someone as beautiful as you could so easily turn a mortal to stone. (He touches her cheek.) You haven't changed a bit, have you? She stays behind.","Demetrius: No, she can't. We are stronger as three than two. We will need every ounce of that strength that we are to take revenge on our captures.","Cronus: But if we wait, we risk them finding out we've been awake, and then even with orbs, we will not be able to break in.","Demetrius: Then that is a risk we will have to take.","Cronus: Says who? You, Demetrius? Are you challenging me?","Meta: No. No, of course he's not, Cronus. I've got power enough for both of you. You can take them and use them to find a third Whitelighter for me.","Cronus: And if we can't?","Meta: Then I suppose I'll just have to let you boys handle it.","(Demetrius and Cronus walk over to the statues and suck the power out.)","[Scene: Outside Dr. Berenson's office. Waiting room. Piper is sitting on a chair with Wyatt. Leo walks around the corner.]","Piper: Leo?","Leo: Sorry, honey.","Piper: I was starting to get worried about you.","Leo: I know, I-I-I know. I came as fast as I could.","Piper: Well, what happened? What took so long?","Leo: I don't know. They don't know. But we can talk about it later. Right now our first priority is us.","Piper: That's a good answer 'cause I don't think there's enough tools in the box to handle being stood up at the shrink.","(The Elders call Leo.)","Leo: Uh-oh.","Piper: No way. Are you kidding me?","Leo: It sounds important.","Piper: But you were just there.","Leo: I know. Look, I acknowledge that this is very difficult for you.","Piper: You know what? Screw that, damn it! I'm just scared.","Leo: I told you it was safe orbing up there.","Piper: No, not about that. I'm scared that every time something good happens, every time I actually think we can have a normal life together, something goes wrong.","(The Elders call Leo again.)","Leo: Piper, I have to go.","Piper: I know. And I know that it's not your fault. It's just the way that it is.","Leo: I love you.","(He kisses her forehead and leaves.)","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige is there looking at the Titans page in the Book of Shadows.]","Paige: Phoebe! Hey, Phoebe!","(Phoebe runs in.)","Phoebe: Did you find something?","Paige: Do Titans ring a bell?","Phoebe: Titans like from Ancient Greece? You have got to be kidding me.","Paige: No, ancient gods who were entombed because it was the only way to stop them.","Phoebe: Okay, well, even if it is them, how'd they get out? And why go after the Whitelighters?","Paige: I don't know. Maybe one of them was hurt maybe they needed healing powers? I do know that because of the Elders' no orbing edict, that the only way they're gonna get another Whitelighter is if one...","Phoebe: Oh, no way, Paige, forget about it.","Paige: Why not? If I'm right, they will come right to us.","Phoebe: And you're saying this like it's a good thing?","Paige: It is. This is why I haven't been sleeping. This is what I've been preparing for all year. I have got potions here that are stronger than the ones that we used on the Source.","Phoebe: OKay, devil's advocate, until we figure out how powerful they are, we shouldn't use you as bait.","Paige: Witch's advocate, there are evil gods running around on the loose that we should eliminate before Wyatt gets home.","Phoebe: Mm, that's dirty. Why do I feel like you're making me choose between my sister and my nephew?","Paige: Because you're slightly overdramatic?","Phoebe: I'm a little overdramatic?","Paige: Well, can we just do this please?","(Phoebe sighs.)","Phoebe: Okay, fine. Bring on the earthquake causing gods.","Paige: Watch this.","(Paige orbs out and orbs back in. They hear a rumble and Meta appears. Paige throws a potion at her. Meta's eyes glow. Phoebe throws another potion at Meta but nothing happens. Meta uses her power and sends Phoebe flying across the room. Suddenly, a 20-year-old guy orbs in in front of Phoebe.)","Guy: Don't look into her eyes! (They guy throws three potions at Meta but doesn't harm her. Meta disappears. The guy helps Phoebe up.) Are you alright?","(Phoebe looks over at Paige who has turned to stone.)","Phoebe: Oh my god, Paige.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe is looking at Paige.]","Guy: Don't worry, she's alright. (Phoebe gives him a look.) Well, I mean, she's not completely alright, obviously, but she's not dead.","Phoebe: Are you sure she's not?","Guy: Frankly, you see this a lot. Museums, universities, town centres... Most of those statues, not really statues. They're people like your sister here who have been, uh, turned into stone.","Phoebe: Who are you?","Guy: Chris. Chris Perry. I'm from the future.","(Piper walks in.)","Piper: Oh! My god, tell me that's just a really good likeness of Paige.","Phoebe: Oh, it's Paige.","Chris: Titan turned her to stone.","Piper: Who-who are you?","Phoebe: That's Chris. He's from the future.","Chris: Yeah, but just like twenty years or so.","Piper: Uh-huh. Friend or foe?","Phoebe: Not so sure yet.","Chris: What do you mean? I saved Paige, didn't I?","Phoebe: Oh, you call that saving, do you?","Chris: Hey, I'm the one that put my life on the line here. I didn't have to drop everything I was doing just to orb in and save her butt...","Piper: You-you orb? You're a Whitelighter?","Chris: Look, where I come from, history shows Paige didn't get turned into stone on this day... she died. And with her death the power of three died too, allowing Titans to rule and create a world you don't wanna see, trust me. I'm hear to alter history. To help you save the future.","Phoebe: Who sent you?","Chris: I can't answer that.","Phoebe: Why not?","Chris: Because anything I tell you could risk changing the future in ways we don't want.","Piper: Who's we?","Chris: All I gotta say is, is that if I hadn't got here when I did, Paige would have been the third Whitelighter victim.","Phoebe: Wait, third? I thought only one was missing?","Chris: Not anymore.","Piper: Leo! Leo!","(Leo orbs in.)","Leo: Honey, I'm sorry I missed counselling but...","Piper: Forget that, we've got bigger problems.","Leo: What happened?","Piper: Forget that too. How many Whitelighters are missing?","Leo: What?","Piper: How many?","Leo: Uh, two. That's what the Elders just called me for.","Chris: Believe me now?","Leo: Who's he?","(They hear a crash coming from downstairs.)","Phoebe: What was that?","[Cut to the stairs. Piper, Phoebe and Leo walk down them. A fairy flies past. They look down into the parlor where there are dwarves, leprechauns, wood nymphs, elf nanny and other creatures.]","Dwarf: Sorry, we'll pay for that. (He points to the broken vase on the floor.) So long as you can keep the world from ending.","[Scene: Snow-covered Mountains. Demetrius, Cronus and Meta are there.]","Cronus: It was a trap. You were tricked.","Meta: Still, there are other Whitelighters.","Cronus: No, we have been discovered. Your incompetence has endangered us all!","Meta: My incompetence? I only went where I was told. My lord.","Demetrius: It doesn't matter. We can go back. They will be no match for the three of us.","Cronus: Out of the question. We have to attack our enemies now while we still can.","Demetrius: I won't leave Meta behind.","Cronus: It's alright, Demetrius, you won't have to. (Cronus throws a fireball at Meta and vanquishes her.) Careful, Demetrius. Either you're with me, or you're with her.","[Cut to the manor. Piper and Leo are taking everyone into the conservatory.]","Piper: Come on, come on, prance this way. Here we go. Here we go. Move it, move it, move it. Today.","Dwarf: Hey, quit manhandling us. We're not your pets.","Piper: No, you're just a pain. Now, go on. And don't let the neighbours see you.","(A muscly man wearing no shirt, holding a crystal ball walks into the conservatory.)","Phoebe: Whoa, check out the size of that Oracle's... ball.","(Piper closes the conservatory doors.)","Piper: Phoebe, focus. (Piper gasps. She has the fairy stuck in the door.) I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. (The fairy flies away.) Stay away from those windows. (She steps into the parlor.) What the hell is going on around here?","(The Elf nanny walks in, holding onto a drumstick.)","Elf Nanny: If you haven't noticed, the world's a mess out there. Something terrible's going on. Everyone senses it.","Phoebe: The Titans?","Leo: Must be.","Piper: So you guys just all came here figuring that we would stop them?","Elf Nanny: Well, you are the Charmed Ones, aren't you? (Wyatt cries from upstairs.) Do you always leave the little one unattended?","Piper, Phoebe: No!","Elf Nanny: Well, it just sounds like he needs to be changed. I'll take care of it.","(She turns for the stairs.)","Piper: Hold it! You are not the nanny. We rejected you.","Elf Nanny: No, I rejected you. But I suppose I can fill in, just for a bit.","(The Elf Nanny faces the stairs and disappears.)","Phoebe: Did she just hire herself?","Piper: (to Leo) You need to go watch her.","Leo: What about the Elders? I need to let them know the Titans are back.","Phoebe: Can't Chris tell them? I mean, he's a Whitelighter, isn't he?","Piper: Wait a minute. Where is he?","Phoebe: Upstairs with Paige.","Leo: And the book.","Piper: (to Leo) Alright, you, to the Elf. (Leo goes upstairs.) You keep an eye on our magical house guests. Herd them into the basement or something. I'm gonna go see what future boy is up to.","[Cut to the attic. Chris is flipping through the Book of Shadows. Piper walks in.]","Piper: What are you doing?","Chris: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to find a way to free stone-cold Paige over here.","Piper: Step away.","Chris: Please, like I haven't looked in this before. By the way, you should update your goblins entry. It'll come in handy some day.","Piper: Goblins?","Chris: Yeah, trust me. It's gonna get ugly. Look, obviously you don't trust me, but I touched the book, right? And the book thinks I'm good. Shouldn't you?","Piper: Well, maybe you found a way around that.","Chris: Piper, come on. I'm just trying to help.","Piper: Well, then if that's true, why don't you tell me how to vanquish the Titans?","Chris: Except you can't vanquish them.","Piper: You mean, not without the power of three.","Chris: Maybe not even with that. The only way the Elders could stop them three thousand years ago was by infusing some mortals with a hell of a lot of power. Way more than you guys have.","Piper: So they can do that again.","Chris: Not after what happened last time. When the mortals trapped the Titans, the power went to their heads. They declared themselves gods and forced the world to worship them. The Elders swore they would never allow that to happen again.","Piper: Hang on a second, I'm having a ninth grade flashback. You're talking about the Greek gods, Zeus, Athena, Aphrodite? They were mortals?","Chris: Mythology left that part out. Not the only inaccuracy by the way.","(Phoebe, the dwarf and Finnegan the Leprechaun walk in.)","Piper: Phoebe, what are you doing? You're supposed to be...","Phoebe: I know, I know. But I thought they could help us free Paige. After all, a leprechaun's luck has helped us before.","(She pats the dwarf on the shoulder.)","Dwarf: He's the leprechaun, I'm one of the seven dwarves. Try to keep it straight, will you?","Phoebe: Sorry.","(Finnegan walks over to the statue.)","Finnegan: It's gonna take a lot more than just me luck to free this one. We're gonna need some pixie dust too.","Dwarf: I'll get a fairy. Left my axe downstairs anyway.","(The dwarf leaves the attic.)","Phoebe: Okay, so where are we?","Piper: Screwed. Possibly. One thing I'm still not clear about. If the Titans are roaming around, why are they killing Whitelighters?","Chris: Because they need their orbing power.","Piper: Their orbing power? What on earth would they wanna do with... oh my god. Leo!","(Piper races out of the attic.)","Phoebe: Wh-What'd I miss? What did she just figure out?","Chris: Nothing good.","[Cut to the nursery. Leo and the Elf Nanny are watching a crying Wyatt in his crib. She uses her magic and a blanket appears wrapped around Wyatt.]","Leo: How'd you know he was cold?","Elf Nanny: Babies are what I do.","(Piper races in.)","Piper: Leo? The Titans are after the Elders.","Leo: What?","Piper: You have to go warn them but don't stay up there too long. Hurry.","(Leo orbs out. Piper looks down at Wyatt and smiles slightly.)","[Cut to Up There. Leo orbs in and sees the Elders' bodies lying dead on the floor. There are black scorch marks everywhere. Leo sees Cecil's body near by.]","Leo: No.","(He falls to his knees.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe, the dwarf, Finnegan and a fairy are there. The fairy throws magic dust on the Paige statue and Finnegan holds out his gold nugget, hitting the statue with good luck.]","Finnegan: Now, laddie!","(The dwarf hits the statue with his pick but nothing happens.)","Dwarf: Don't know what else to try.","Finnegan: Running out of gold too, I'm afraid.","Phoebe: Okay, well, there's gotta be something we can do. Just keep trying. (Phoebe walks over to Chris who is looking at some things on a shelf.) What are you doing over here?","Chris: Nothing. You guys keep this stuff forever, you know that?","Phoebe: You knew the Titans were after the Elders, didn't you? Why didn't you tell us?","Chris: I told you, there's some things I can't tell you. Some things you need to figure out on your own.","Phoebe: Even at the risk of making things worse?","(Piper walks in.)","Piper: Alright, what's going on? Leo is not responding to any of my calls and it's been over five hours.","Chris: I really don't know.","Piper: Well, I really think you do.","Chris: Look, you're the one who wanted him to go up there in the first place, not me. Alright, fine, maybe I do know. And if I'm right, he's gonna need some serious alone time.","Piper: You know what? Cut it out with the cryptic crap. You need to go up there and bring him back now. No more games.","Chris: Okay, fine, I'll go. But if I were you two, I'd focus on freeing Paige because you're gonna need her. Soon.","(He orbs out.)","Piper: I swear to god, if he does not come back with Leo, I'm gonna blow his ass back to the future, orbs and all.","Phoebe: You know what? Why don't you go be with Wyatt and I'll take care of everything up here. I will call you if anything happens, I promise. You're not breathing.","Piper: Nope.","Phoebe: Breathe. (Piper leaves the attic.) Okay, next sister.","[Cut to Up There. Leo is sitting beside Cecil's body. Chris orbs in.]","Chris: Leo.","(Leo gets up and walks towards Chris.)","Leo: Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let this happen!","(He pushes Chris against a wall.)","Chris: Easy, easy!","Leo: Why!","Chris: Because this had to happen. It had to happen so you could do what has to be done.","Leo: What are you talking about? They're all dead. Gone.","Chris: No. Not all of them. Some of the Elders escaped back to earth but it won't be long before the Titans hunt them down too. But you can still stop them. You can still defeat the Titans.","Leo: How?","Chris: I think you know how.","Leo: It's too dangerous. The Elders forbid it.","Chris: True. But then again, the Elders aren't around to stop you now, are they? That's right, Leo. This is what it's all about. This is why they had to die so you could do something they'd never do. To save a future for your family, for your son.","Leo: This is crazy.","Chris: Maybe, but it's our only chance. Like it or not, you've been put in this situation for a reason, Leo. We both have.","Leo: Says you. How do I know you're not trying to manipulate the situation for your own future? Just the way you've manipulated everything else.","Chris: You don't. But what choice do you really have? There's certainly no future unless you do something.","Leo: I don't know. Even if I were to believe you, even if I were willing, I couldn't. I'm no Elder.","Chris: Well, you better start acting like one.","[Cut to the manor. Attic. The fairy sprinkles magic dust on the Paige statue.]","Phoebe: Now. (Finnegan holds out his gold nugget, hitting the statue with good luck. Phoebe throws a potion at the statue.) Hit it! (The dwarf hits the statue with his pick. The stone crumbles and frees Paige.) Honey, hi! (Phoebe hugs Paige.) Oh, I'm so happy to see you. Are you okay?","Paige: What happened? Where's the Titan? What the hell are these guys doing here?","Phoebe: Long story, I'll tell you on the way.","(Phoebe and Paige leave the attic.)","Dwarf: You're welcome!","[Cut to the living room. Piper is sitting on the couch. Phoebe and Paige walk down the stairs.]","Phoebe: There you are.","(They walk into the living room.)","Paige: Okay, I get the whole epic Titan thing, but what I'm not getting is the Chris thing.","Phoebe: Yeah, we're still trying to figure that part out. Look who's not stoned.","Piper: Welcome back. You've missed a lot.","Paige: Yeah. I can't help but think it's kind of all my fault though. I'm the one who lured the Titans here. Insert I told you so.","Phoebe: Done.","Paige: I just kind of was obsessed with the whole weird dreams thing and... but I am so sorry for any distress I might have caused you, Piper.","Piper: Don't worry about it. I should've listened to you in the first place. Just trying not to worry or to panic. I've just got this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.","Phoebe: What kind of feeling?","Piper: That Leo's not coming back.","Phoebe: Oh, sweetie. (She sits beside Piper.) Of course he's coming back. How could he not?","Piper: I don't know, it's just something that Chris said about Leo having to go through this alone. I don't know. What the hell is he doing up there?","(The dwarf walks in.)","Dwarf: Sorry to interrupt but we're all leaving now.","Phoebe: Wait, why?","Dwarf: Didn't you hear the distress call? The surviving Elders have all been flushed out and they need protection.","Paige: Surviving?","Dwarf: The Elf will stay behind to take care of the kid while you battle the Titans. Ciao.","(He leaves.)","Phoebe: Wait, who said anything about us battling the Titans?","Piper: Leo.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Up There. Chris is there.]","Piper: (down below) Leo!","(Some doors open and Leo walks in holding an urn.)","Leo: Piper.","Chris: No.","Leo: But she needs me.","Chris: Not as much as the rest of us do. You need to stay here, even afterwards, to coordinate.","Leo: Alright. Then you should go otherwise the girls won't understand.","Chris: Good luck.","(Chris orbs out. Leo takes the lid off the urn.)","LEo: Ekre oh-gee, akman minento.","(A bright light rises out of the urn.)","Piper: (down below) Leo! Leo!","[Cut tto the living room.]","Piper: Leo, for god's sakes, if you can hear me. (Chris orbs in.) You? Where's Leo?","Chris: He's safe. For now. Paige, hi.","Paige: Hi.","Piper: Forget that. What do you mean for now?","Phoebe: What is this about us supposedly battling the Titans?","Chris: You're about to find out.","Paige: What's that supposed to mean?","(A tornado of light swirls around the girls. It disappears and reveals them wearing outfits from ancient Greece. Phoebe has extremely long and thick blonde hair. Paige is holding onto a trident. Phoebe gasps. Chris smiles.)","Chris: That's what that means.","Paige: What happened? What are we?","Chris: You're gods.","To be continued..."],"Show Title":"Charmed","Episode Number":"05x22","Episode Title":"Oh My Goddess, Part 1","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Charmed_06x10.json","Recap":["A mysterious woman from the future named Bianca arrives to take Chris' powers and bring him back with her forcefully. Piper feels that being witches is stopping her sisters from having the life they want, and advises them to move out and follow their hearts. Bianca is revealed to actually be Chris' fianc\u00e9e who only came back as \"he\" would have sent someone else if she had not come. Bianca is revealed to have helped Chris come back in time in the first place and apparently met him after the unnamed evil that rules their future sent her to kill him. Chris also reveals some truth about himself after Piper tries to freeze him and Bianca and fails: he is not a true Whitelighter, he is half-Whitelighter, half-witch like Paige and Wyatt. Bianca strips his powers and brings him back to his terrible future where the evil who rules confronts Chris and Bianca alone; an evil Wyatt. Future Wyatt tries to convince Chris to join him, offering to spare his life if he does. Chris refuses and Wyatt tries to kill him, but he is saved by Bianca who switches back to his side to protect him. Using a spell the sisters left in the attic in the present, Chris reclaims his powers and defeats Wyatt temporarily, but Bianca is mortally wounded and dies. Chris manages to open a time portal and escapes as Wyatt recovers, taking the spell with him so that Wyatt cannot send another assassin back in time. In the present, the sisters forgive him and he remains their Whitelighter, but he swears that if he can't prevent Baby Wyatt from becoming evil, then he will stop him permanently."],"Transcript":["[Scene: P3. Night. Piper and Phoebe are sitting at the bar. Paige walks up to the bar and sits down.]","Piper: Paige, where you been? You're late.","Paige: I know, I'm sorry, I got tied up.","Phoebe: Where? At Richard's?","Paige: No. I was at work. Get your mind out of the gutter, missy.","Phoebe: Hey, you're the one who orbs home to find lingerie.","(Phoebe laughs.)","Paige: Two times, I did that twice.","Piper: Yes, it's about the only time we see you anymore.","Paige: Why did I come here? To get picked on?","Phoebe: Because we love you.","Piper: I kinda miss ya.","Paige: I am not at Richard's that much. Fine, okay, maybe I am. But, you know I am just an orb away if you need help.","Piper: Yeah, the thing is we've just gotta be careful because if we stray too far away from each other, demons take advantage. We've learned that lesson the hard way a few times.","Paige: I know, I know, I get it. I just really don't want to think of us living together in fifty years.","Piper: Ah, twenty, thirty years tops.","Phoebe: We can always move to Hong Kong so I could see Jason whenever I want to.","Piper: How do you say dream on in Chinese?","Phoebe: Ni Tsai Tsua Mung.","Piper: Impressive.","Phoebe: Berlitz. Okay, what about you, missy? Spill it.","Piper: Spill what?","Phoebe: Come on, you and Greg. Put out any fires lately?","Piper: Is that supposed to be a subtle fireman reference?","Phoebe: Yeah, you like it?","Paige: Wait a minute, you're going out with a fire fighter?","Piper: Proof positive, you haven't been around much.","Phoebe: Let's see. They've been seeing each other for about three weeks and someone, I won't say who, (whispers loudly) although it's not the fireman, is avoiding taking it to the next step.","Piper: I am not avoiding, I'm just a little reluctant. That's all.","Paige: My dear, it is time to get back in the saddle.","Piper: Now a cowboy reference.","Phoebe: Piper, you just need to relax and let it happen.","Piper: Yeah, easy for you to say, you weren't the one sleeping with an angel for three years.","Phoebe: Yeah, but you were nervous when you and Leo first started, you know. I seem to remember that you used to freeze him during all the good parts, right? Hey, maybe you should, uh...","Piper: No, I'm not freezing Greg. I'm so nervous I'll probably blow him up.","Phoebe: Well...","Piper: Gutter, gutter, gutter.","(Phoebe laughs. Chris walks up to them.)","Chris: What are you guys talking about?","Phoebe: Stuff.","(He starts to walk away.)","Paige: Hey, where are you going?","Chris: I gotta go work on the next demon... stration.","Phoebe: Chris, why don't you relax and come have a drink with us?","Chris: Thanks, but I didn't come here to relax.","(Chris walks away.)","Phoebe: That is one bitchy Whitelighter.","Piper: You're telling me.","Paige: Hey, Piper, why don't you go talk to the guilt machine over there.","[Cut to the back room. Chris walks in and turns on the light. A girl about Chris's age is there. He closes the door.]","Chris: Bianca. (He walks over to her.) I don't understand. What are you doing here?","Bianca: Shh, there'll be time to explain later. But for now...","(She runs her finger down his chest. She has a red symbol on her wrist. She reaches into his chest and starts draining his powers. Piper walks in.)","Piper: You know, all work and no, hey! (Bianca pulls her hand out of his chest and creates an energy ball. Piper blows her up. Chris drops to the floor.) Are you okay?","Chris: Yeah, I think so.","Piper: What happened? Who is she?","Chris: I don't know.","[Cut to an alley outside P3. A small tornado appears and forms into Bianca. She looks back at P3 and then shimmers out.]","Opening Credits","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Chris are there. Piper and Paige are looking through the Book of Shadows. Paige points to a symbol in the book.]","Paige: Is that the mark?","Piper: No, it looked more like a bird.","Paige: A bird. So you're saying maybe the Audubon society sent the demon after us?","Piper: Just keep looking.","Chris: Guys, I'm telling you I'm fine, don't sweat it.","Leo: You sure she wasn't a Darklighter?","Piper: I'm sure.","Phoebe: What else would be after a Whitelighter?","Leo: I don't know, that's what worries me.","Chris: She's gone. Piper blew her away, what's the big deal?","Phoebe: The big deal is someone tried to kill you, Chris.","Chris: Look at me, not a scratch, nothing.","Leo: You know, how did she get that close to you, anyway, if you didn't even know who she was?","(Chris takes a step and the floor boards squeak.)","Chris: We really oughta fix that, you know.","Leo: Come on, Chris, who's after you?","Chris: Has it crossed your mind that maybe she wasn't after me? Maybe she was trying to get to them.","Paige: It kind of makes sense.","Chris: Finally, somebody's listening. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some work to take care of.","(Chris leaves the room.)","Leo: He's not telling the truth.","Paige: Leo, maybe there's nothing to tell.","Leo: Could you sense anything?","Phoebe: From Chris? No, I can never sense anything from him.","Piper: What are you thinking?","Leo: I'm thinking that if we can figure out who she was, we might be able to find out who Chris is.","Paige: Well, we're not gonna find it in here. At least not until we have more to go on. So guys, you know where I'm gonna be if you need me.","(Paige heads for the door.)","Phoebe: Yeah, I gotta go too.","(Phoebe heads for the door.)","Leo: Wait, you're just gonna let them go?","Piper: What do you want me to say? They have lives too. Besides, what more can we do?","Leo: We can try to figure out who the demon is and make sure nobody else is after him. (The doorbell rings.) I'll get it. You just keep checking on the book, okay?","Piper: No, Leo, really, I'd rather you...","(He orbs out.)","[Cut to the foyer. Leo orbs in and opens the door. Greg, the fireman, stands there.]","Leo: Can I help you?","Greg: Uh, yeah, is Piper home?","Leo: Uh, who's asking?","Greg: I'm Greg, she's expecting me.","(Piper walks in with her coat on and carrying her purse.)","Piper: Uh, Leo, I got it. Sorry, I'm running a little late.","Greg: Leo? Is he your, uh...","Piper: Yeah, one in the same. Leo, Greg, Greg, Leo.","(They shake hands.)","Greg: Nice to finally meet you.","Leo: Thanks. Finally.","Piper: So you're gonna be okay taking care of everything? Wyatt and Chris?","Leo: Uh, yeah, absolutely. Really, everything will be fine. If anything comes up I'll call you.","Piper: Okay, thanks, good night.","(Piper and Greg leave.)","[Cut to the bathroom. Chris is looking in the mirror. He opens his shirt to reveal a large wound on his chest. He pulls a ring out of his pocket.]","[Scene: Future. A park. The city around the park is pretty much destroyed. Chris and Bianca are there. Chris is proposing to Bianca. He slips the ring on her finger.]","Chris: Will you marry me?","Bianca: You're asking me now?","Chris: Mm-hm.","Bianca: Here?","Chris: This is still our spot, Bianca. No matter what he's done to it. Marry me.","Bianca: On one condition. You come back to me, safely.","Chris: Have I ever let you down before?","(They kiss.)","Bianca: What's that? (A flying object hovers over them and shines a light in Bianca's eyes.) Chris.","(Chris uses telekinetic powers and throws the object against a brick wall and smashes it.)","Chris: Are you okay?","Bianca: Yeah, yeah, I don't think it had time to transmit.","Chris: Aagghh! I can not believe he's sending probes after us now. I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch.","Bianca: No, no you're not. You're gonna stick to the plan.","Chris: But he knows.","Bianca: If he knew he wouldn't have sent the probe. You have to go back, Chris. It's the only way to stop them. It's the only way to change all this.","[Scene: Manor. Bathroom. Chris is still there. He sighs.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Richard's house. Bedroom. Paige is in bed. Richard walks in carrying a tray with breakfast on it.]","Richard: Morning.","(Paige sits up.)","Paige: Wow.","Richard: Wow. One of the most powerful witches in the world and all you can say is wow.","Paige: I don't know, maybe I just need a little more inspiration.","(They kiss.)","Richard: Well?","Paige: I, um, still think wow pretty much covers it. You'd better be careful because a girl could get used to this.","Richard: That's the plan. Did you tell your sisters you were moving out? No.","Paige: Look, it just, it hasn't really been the right time. Things have been a little funky and...","Richard: There's never a right time.","Paige: You don't understand. Piper will probably blow a major gasket and then we've got family obligations and like it or not, we're stronger together.","Richard: You gotta do something for you. (Paige's cell phone rings.) Can I get that?","(Paige nods. Richard gets the phone off the side table and hands it to Paige.)","Paige: It's the house. Hello?","[Cut to the manor. Conservatory. Leo and Wyatt are there. Leo is looking at the Book of Shadows. Paige orbs in.]","Leo: Paige, when I said I needed you, I meant a fully clothed you.","Paige: Oh, please, Leo. What's the big emergency?","Leo: What would you say if I told you whoever attacked Chris was called a Phoenix?","Paige: Well, I would say what's a Phoenix and then you'd probably tell me.","Leo: They're a family of assassin witches who are very elite, very powerful and who were born with a distinct birthmark symbolising the rise from Salem's ashes.","Paige: Well, does the book say what they want?","(Leo shows Paige the book.)","Leo: Just whatever bounty they're after, which in this case is Chris. Which means they're still after him. They won't stop until they succeed.","Paige: Did you call Phoebe and Piper?","Leo: No, Phoebe's at work and Piper came in kind of late so I didn't want to disturb her.","Paige: Oh. Did she, um, come home alone?","Leo: I don't know.","(Piper walks in.)","Piper: Hey. Talking about me?","Leo: Morning, hi, no. (Leo hands Wyatt to Piper.) Uh, listen, Wyatt's been fed and I'm gonna get some coffee and Paige'll fill you in.","(Leo leaves the room.)","Piper: What's going on?","Paige: Oh, Leo just found out that a coven of assassin witches called the Phoenix are after Chris.","Piper: So that's what you guys were talking about?","Paige: Yeah... in the beginning and then I just kind of asked him if you maybe came home with anybody.","Piper: I see.","Paige: Did you? Oh, come on, if a girl can't ask that what can a girl ask?","Piper: Actually, uh, no.","Paige: I'm sorry, maybe he's just not the right guy.","Piper: No, it's not Greg, it's just me. It's just weird now that I'm a mum, I feel like I'm betraying Wyatt some how.","Paige: I think you're just betraying yourself.","Piper: Yeah, I know, it's just weird. So, uh, coven of assassin witches?","Paige: Yeah.","Piper: Maybe we should call Phoebe.","Paige: No, I think we can do this by ourselves, I don't think you have to bother her.","Piper: Well, what if we need the power of three after we find them?","Paige: Well, you didn't need the power of three to blow up the last one.","Piper: No, but...","Paige: So we need to try out this whole power of two thing, learn how to be flexible, right? So you stay here, I'm gonna go get the scrying crystal.","(Paige leaves the room.)","Piper: Hm.","[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Phoebe and Elise are there.]","Elise: Phoebe, I offered you the time off. Take it. Go see Jason in Hong Kong.","Phoebe: It's just another airport, another city.","Elise: You could always send in the column. Email, fax machine. It's the twenty-first century and I'd like to welcome you to it. When I say take time, I don't mean a vacation. Go live there for a while, give it a shot.","Phoebe: Elise, I...","Elise: No, I want you to listen to me. It's time I gave you some advice for once. Don't let it be work.","Phoebe: What do you mean?","Elise: There's a whole generation of women out there who followed the dream, built successful careers, but at the expense of everything else. Now I'm not saying I think they all made mistakes because some of them are very happy. But some of us aren't. Trust me, you don't wanna wake up one day and realise that all you've got is your career.","[Scene: An apartment. A woman answers the door. Piper and Paige are standing there.]","Piper: Hi, how's it going?","Woman: Can I help you?","Piper: Hopefully.","Paige: Yeah, see, we just moved in from outer state and we wanted to get to know our neighbours.","Woman: Oh, well, welcome. Where did you move from?","Piper: Phoenix.","Woman: Really. Please, come in, come in.","Paige: Thank you.","(Piper and Paige walk into the apartment. The woman closes the door and locks it.)","Piper: Wow, nice place.","Paige: Yeah, real nice.","Woman: Thank you.","(A little girl runs in.)","Girl: Mummy, mummy, mummy, can I play with...?","Woman: Bianca, sweetie, can you give mummy a minute, okay?","(Piper and Paige see the red birthmark on the girl's wrist.)","Bianca: Okay.","Woman: Go and play with your toys. I'll be right in, okay?","Bianca: Okay.","(The woman takes the girl to her room.)","Paige: Now what?","(The woman turns around and throws an energy ball at the girls. It flies past them and hits the wall. Piper blows the woman up.)","Piper: The kid.","(They go into the girl's room and the woman reforms.)","Woman: Hurry, Bianca.","(She grabs the girl and shimmers out.)","Paige: They can reform?","Piper: Apparently, which means the one that attacked Chris can too.","[Scene: Park. It's the same park as in the future but it's a lot nicer now. Chris orbs in slowly and sits down on a bench. Bianca walks out from behind a statue.]","Bianca: You really shouldn't try to orb anymore, you know. It could kill you.","Chris: Is that what you want?","Bianca: If that's what I wanted you'd already be dead. All I want is to bring you back.","Chris: How'd you know I'd be here?","Bianca: Same reason you'd know I'd be waiting here. This is still our spot, isn't it?","Chris: No. This is what we hoped it would be. This is what we were trying to preserve for our future. Do you remember?","Bianca: We were naive to think we could change anything, to stop him.","Chris: You don't believe that. Or at least you didn't.","Bianca: Well, I do now.","Chris: What happened to you, Bianca? How did he turn you back?","Bianca: That's not important. What is important is I was interrupted in stripping you of your powers. And if I don't finish what I started, you'll die soon. Think of it as an infection, and I'm the only one with the antidote.","Chris: Here or there, I am dead anyway.","Bianca: No. He gave me his word he wouldn't hurt you. Please, Chris, don't make this any harder than it has to be.","(Chris orbs out and she tries to catch him.)","[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there.]","Phoebe: Wait, how old is the little girl?","Piper: I don't know, four, five?","(Chris orbs in and falls to the floor.)","Paige: Chris!","Chris: Bianca.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Chris are there. Chris is laying on the couch. Leo unbuttons Chris's shirt to reveal the large wound on his chest.]","Phoebe: Oh my god, what is that?","Leo: I don't know.","Piper: It doesn't matter, just heal him.","(Leo starts to heal Chris.)","Paige: Why didn't he tell us about that?","Piper: Why doesn't he tell us about a lot of things? (Leo frowns.) What's the problem?","Leo: He's not healing. Something's draining his powers and blocking mine. It's like a virus.","Piper: A virus named Bianca.","Phoebe: You think she did this?","Piper: It's gotta be.","Paige: Yeah, but it doesn't explain why she would come back from the future just to kill him.","Piper: Well, somebody had to have sent her, she's a hired gun.","Phoebe: Well, we have to find her to save him. Figure out what she did... (She senses something.) Whoa.","Leo: What is it?","(Phoebe moves closer to Chris.)","Phoebe: Oh my god, he loves her.","Paige: Loves who? Bianca?","Phoebe: Yeah. She broke his heart. (Phoebe looks in Chris's hand and finds a ring.) Engagement ring.","Paige: Obviously an acrimonious split.","Piper: Well, at least we have something to scry for her now. You guys work on the vanquishing potion in case she's not in the mood to help.","Chris: Bianca. Bianca.","[Scene: Future. Manor. A tour guide is showing people around the house.]","Tour Guide: Welcome to the Halliwell memorial museum. A tribute to magic and of course, the Charmed Ones. Please remember there is no digi-capturing, no holographing and most certainly no magic allowed while inside the museum. That's a big one. Don't worry about those probes, folks, they're merely scanning for witches. Now, as we pass through the foyer, note the family portraits hanging on the walls.","(The people walk through the house. Chris and Bianca walk behind them. Chris waves his arm at the probes and they turn away from them.)","Bianca: Nicely done.","Tour Guide: Around here you'll notice just a few of the many mythological creatures the legendary sisters transformed into in their demon fighting hayday. (The sisters' superhero outfits are on mannequins and also Phoebe's mermaid outfit.) Actually, the Charmed Ones were responsible for well over a thousand demon vanquishes before they were finally vanquished themselves. Now, the time is twenty-five years ago. Imagine yourselves standing here on this floor when the Charmed Ones were reborn.","(A holograph appears in the centre of the room of Piper, Phoebe and Paige in \"Charmed Again\" where the Power of Three is united again.)","Paige: (in holograph) Okay, what was that?","Leo: (in holograph) I think that means you're supposed to be here.","(In the holograph, Shax barges through the door and knocks the girls down. The crowd gasps. The tour guide turns off the holograph.)","Tour Guide: Scares them every time. Okay, let's head over to the kitchen where many of the sisters' classic potions were brewed. Some of which are available from purchase in the gift shop on the way out. (They all move into the kitchen.) Of course, the attic was the preferred spot for potion making, principally because that's where they kept the famed Book of Shadows. Which is where we're headed next. A little background on the manor itself, it was actually...","(Everyone leaves the kitchen except Chris and Bianca. A guard shimmers in.)","Guard: Hey, you two, move along.","Bianca: Wait for it.","(The guard moves closer to them and a dagger materialises in Bianca's hand.)","Guard: Are you deaf? I said...","(Bianca stabs him in the stomach and vanquishes him. Bianca walks over to the basement door.)","Bianca: Come on.","[Cut to the basement. They walk down the stairs. Bianca's dagger disappears.]","Bianca: We should be safe here until the museum closes. Then we'll go get the book. (She looks at Chris.) What's the matter?","Chris: Nothing. It's just sometimes I forget who you really are.","Bianca: Hey. (She pulls him closer.) You mean who I used to be, Chris. Before I met you.","Chris: So what do we do now?","Bianca: We say goodbye.","(She takes off her top and they kiss.)","[Scene: Apartment. Biana walks over to a cupboard and starts searching through it. The woman shimmers in.]","Woman: Who are you and what do you want?","Bianca: Where's the Grimoire?","(The woman creates an energy ball.)","Woman: One more time. Who are you?","Bianca: Who do you think I am? (She holds up her wrist to show the birthmark.) Mother.","Woman: Bianca.","(The energy ball disappears.)","Bianca: In the flesh. Now where's the Grimoire? I have to get the Charmed Ones off my tail fast, I need a spell to do it.","Woman: I don't understand, how is this possible?","Bianca: Look, I don't have time for reunions, okay? And I'm not about to make the same mistake a thousand other demons have made. Now where's the damn book! (The woman waves her hand and the Grimoire appears on a table.) Thanks. (She picks it up.) Do you know where the inhibitions spell is?","Woman: How is that gonna help?","Bianca: Look, I know the Charmed Ones, I studied their history. This is when they all want their separate lives. If I can release their inhibitions, maybe I can get them to pursue them.","Woman: The spell won't last long.","Bianca: It doesn't have to. Just long enough to distract them so I can get what I came for. (She rips a page out of the book.) Got it. Thanks.","Woman: Wait, do you have to leave so soon? Can't I help?","Bianca: Yeah. Someday when I ask you what it feels like to kill, don't lie to me. Don't tell me you don't feel a thing.","(She shimmers out.)","[Scene: Manor. Living room. Leo and Chris are there. Chris is laying on the couch. Leo is dabbing Chris's forehead with a towel. Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk in.]","Leo: Hang in there, buddy.","Piper: We found Bianca, she's at her mother's.","Leo: Little Bianca?","Piper: No, the one we want. Here, something for Chris to remember her by. Or not.","(Piper hands Leo the ring.)","Paige: Got the vanquishing potion so after we orb over there, I'm gonna...","(A blue light washes over the girls.)","Leo: You're gonna what?","Paige: I'm gonna move into Richard's house.","Piper: Are you? Good for you.","Phoebe: That's a great idea. And I think I'm gonna go check out what's going on in Hong Kong.","Paige: Cool.","Leo: Hang on a second, this isn't you guys. You must be under some kind of spell, you have to fight this.","Phoebe: How can you fight your heart?","Piper: Or your hormones.","Paige: Yeah.","Phoebe: Will you drop me off on the way to Richard's?","Paige: I would love to.","Leo: Paige, Phoebe, listen to me.","Phoebe: Zay jen.","(Paige orbs out with Phoebe.)","Piper: Hm.","(Piper leaves the room.)","Chris: (mumbles) What do I tell them?","[Scene: Future. Manor. Attic. Chris and Bianca walk in.]","Bianca: Don't tell them anything. Just stick to your cover story. The less they know about the future, the better.","Chris: But what if they find out who I really am?","Bianca: They won't. Not as long as you can pass yourself off as their Whitelighter.","Chris: And you're sure I won't lose my powers when I go back?","Bianca: Not with this spell, that's why we need it. Look, just remember, protect baby Wyatt and you protect the Charmed Ones. Keep them alive for our future.","Chris: Great. No pressure there.","Bianca: Chris, you know you're the only one who can do this. You're the only one who can save us.","Chris: If I make it back.","Bianca: Baby, you have to make it back. If you wanna marry me.","(They kiss.)","Chris: You really know how to motivate a guy, you know that?","(They walk over to a holograph of the Book of Shadows.)","Bianca: You sure you can summon the real book?","Chris: Yeah.","Bianca: Away from him?","Chris: Yeah. But we won't have much time once it gets here. His demons will be all over us.","Bianca: I won't need much time. Just long enough to send you back to them.","(Bianca walks over to a wall and starts drawing on it with chalk.)","[Scene: Present. Manor. Living room. Chris is still laying on the couch.]","Chris: (mumbling) Hurry, before he finds us.","Leo: Paige, Phoebe, get back here right now, that's an order.","(Piper walks in all dressed up.)","Piper: Wyatt's sleeping and the monitor's in the kitchen.","Leo: Piper, but you can't go anywhere. What about Chris?","Piper: Wish me luck.","(Piper leaves. Bianca shimmers in and kicks Leo in the head. She goes over to Chris.)","Bianca: Come on, we're going home.","(She shimmers out with him.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Fire Station. Piper and Greg are laying on top of a fire engine, making out.]","Greg: Wait, hold it.","Piper: Why?","Greg: Because I just wanna make sure that you're sure about this.","Piper: What's the matter? Am I not acting sure?","Greg: Yeah, it's just that, well, you've been a little reluctant until now, and I guess I'm just curious why the change.","Piper: Um, who knows? Who cares? All I know is I want... (Leo orbs in.) Oh my god! (Piper freezes Greg.) What, are you out of your mind? What are you, a peeping Elder now? (Leo throws a potion at Piper.) What's going on? What am I doing here? Um, what are you doing here?","Leo: Counteracting a spell that Bianca apparently cast on you.","Piper: What kind of spell?","Leo: One that lowers your inhibitions.","(Piper laughs.)","Piper: Oh, boy.","Leo: Yeah, yeah.","Piper: So did she get Chris?","Leo: Yeah, and I'm hoping that if we can break the spell on Phoebe and Paige, we might be able to get Chris back.","Piper: Right, uh-huh, okay, so let's go. Um, you need to turn around because you don't get to see anymore.","[Scene: Richard's house. Bedroom. Paige and Richard are making out under the covers. Piper and Leo orb in.]","Piper: Hi, how's it going?","Paige: What are you doing here?","Piper: Moving you back home. Hit her. (Leo throws a potion at Paige.) No time to explain. Come on, we gotta get Phoebe or we're never gonna get Chris.","(She throws Paige her bra.)","[Scene: Apartment. Bianca is removing Chris's powers.]","Bianca: Just let me finish what I started. You'll feel better soon, I promise. That's it. Easy does it. (She pulls her hand out of his chest.) Slow breaths.","Chris: What'd you do to me?","Bianca: I just saved your life.","Chris: By taking away my powers? (Bianca walks over to a wall and pulls off a picture frame. She then starts drawing on the wall with chalk.) How are you gonna bring me back, anyway? That spell's a one-way door. It only goes backwards in time.","Bianca: He created a new spell because of you. One that works both ways.","Chris: I'm touched.","Bianca: You should be. He's gone to a lot of trouble to get you back.","Chris: Yeah, I see that.","Bianca: You know, you don't have to believe me, Chris, but this really is for the best.","Chris: Oh, really? How's that?","Bianca: Because this is your only chance to live. If I fail, he'll just keep sending more assassins back and all they'll have to bring home is a body.","Chris: Doesn't matter. There's nothing left in the future anymore, anyway.","(He puts the engagement ring on the table.)","[Scene: Future. Manor. Attic. Bianca finishes drawing a large triquetra on the wall.]","Bianca: It's time.","Chris: I don't wanna go. I don't wanna leave you.","(She takes off her engagement ring.)","Bianca: Here... (She gives him the ring.) This will remind you of why we're doing this, what's waiting for you here.","(They hug.)","Chris: Just make sure you take care of the guards, okay? Then get out of here. Because if he finds you, if he knows you betrayed him, he'll kill you.","Bianca: Don't worry. I can take care of myself.","(They walk over to the hologram of the Book of Shadows. Chris pulls out a piece of paper.)","Chris: \"I call upon the ancient power, to help us in this darkest hour, let the book return to this place, claim refuge in its rightful space.\" (The Book of Shadows appears on its stand.) It worked.","Bianca: The spell, find the spell.","(Chris flips through the book and finds a spell.)","Chris: \"Hear these words, hear the rhyme, heed the hope within my mind, send me back to where I'll find, what I wish in place and time.\" (A portal opens where the drawn triquetra is. A demon shimmers in behind Bianca and grabs her.) Bianca!","(She fights him off.)","Bianca: Go! Go!","(Chris walks into the portal.)","[Scene: Present. Apartment. Chris and Bianca are there.]","Chris: You really expect me to jump into this thing like before?","Bianca: Not without a fight, no.","Chris: How can you be so cold? How can you just stand there and pretend like we never meant anything to each other.","Bianca: I don't have a choice.","Chris: Bianca, please don't do this. Don't give up on everything that we fought for.","Bianca: I'm not. I'm just hoping we can find another way. Ready?","(Piper, Phoebe and Paige orb in.)","Piper: Hey, future girl.","(Piper throws a potion towards Bianca. Bianca throws a dagger and smashes the bottle in mid-air. Bianca shimmers out. Piper freezes the dagger. Bianca shimmers back in beside Piper, grabs the dagger and holds it against Piper's throat.)","Bianca: You were saying?","Phoebe: Wow, she is good.","(Paige moves towards Piper.)","Bianca: Uh-uh. I can kill her in half the time it takes you to even think about it.","Paige: Yeah, we still have enough potion to vanquish you.","Bianca: Maybe. But then you really will have to hope the power of two will do. Won't you, Paige? You'd be surprised what's in the history books. Now put the viles down slowly.","Chris: Bianca, don't. Let her go and I promise I'll go with you.","Paige: Chris, what are you doing?","Chris: If you kill her, there won't be a future for either one of us to go back to and you know it.","Phoebe: What are you talking about?","Bianca: You'll see if you live long enough.","(Bianca and Chris walk towards the wall.)","Paige: Piper, freeze them.","(Piper tries to freeze them but can't.)","Piper: Uh, okay, I get why she didn't freeze but why didn't he freeze?","Phoebe: I don't- Unless he's a...","Chris: I'm a witch too. That's right. Part witch, part Whitelighter. Just like you, Paige.","Paige: You lied to us?","Chris: I had to. It was the only way I could get you to trust me.","Phoebe: Trust you?","Chris: Never mind, it doesn't matter anyway.","Piper: So that's it? You're just gonna leave?","Chris: I don't have a choice. She strip my powers. Looks like Leo's gonna have to fix that floorboard without me. Let's go.","(Bianca waves her arm and a portal opens.)","[Cut to the manor. Future. The portal opens and Chris and Bianca walk out of it. Six demons are waiting for them.]","Voice: Welcome home, Chris.","(The demons part and a man is standing in the dark. He moves into light.)","Chris: Hello, Wyatt.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Phoebe and Paige are looking through the Book of Shadows.]","Phoebe: There's gotta be a spell in here somewhere.","Paige: To take us to the future? I don't think so.","Phoebe: Bianca's a witch, she could do it. How could she do it?","Paige: We don't know how.","Piper: How did we do it five years ago?","Leo: The Elders made that happen, remember?","Piper: Well, you're an Elder, make it happen.","Leo: That was a unique situation.","Paige: This isn't?","Leo: Hey, I don't like this either, don't you think I want to save him too?","Phoebe: I don't know if I want to save him or kick his ass.","Leo: That still doesn't change all the good he's done.","Paige: Hmm, you're certainly singing a different tune. You've come along way, baby.","Leo: Okay, despite all his secrets, I still believe that he came back to protect Wyatt and that is enough for me to want to save him.","Piper: The question is, how? (Leo steps on the squeaky floorboard.) Leo.","Leo: What?","Phoebe: \"Fix the floorboard\".","Paige: Maybe he was trying to tell us something.","Leo: Who, what?","Piper: Maybe. Maybe that's where Bianca was taking him. To the attic in the future.","Phoebe: But that would still be there in the future, wouldn't it?","Paige: Yeah, unless we fixed it.","Piper: Or used it to send him something, something that he needed.","Phoebe: Like what?","Paige: His powers.","[Scene: Future. Manor. Attic. Wyatt walks towards Chris.]","Wyatt: They're no threat to me. (The demons shimmer out.) Et tu, Chris? Of all the people to betray me.","Chris: I didn't go back to betray you, Wyatt. I went back to save you.","Wyatt: Save me? From what?","Chris: From whatever evil it was that turned you.","Wyatt: That's always been your problem, Chris. Stuck in the old good versus evil morass. I'm so past that. It's all about power, it's as simple as that.","Chris: And whoever has the most power wins, is that it?","Wyatt: That's it. That's why I keep this museum in tact. To remind everyone the power from which I was born and that which I possess.","Chris: Too bad the rest of the city isn't fairing as well as your little shrine here.","Wyatt: You know if anyone else tried what you tried, I'd kill them on the spot. But you... I've forgiven Bianca, I can forgive you too. If you promise never cross me again.","Chris: I think you know me better than that.","Wyatt: I thought you said you could talk some sense into him.","Chris: Leave her out of this.","(Wyatt raises his arm and Chris starts choking.)","Wyatt: Pardon me?","(Wyatt flicks his hand and Chris flies across the room.)","[Cut to the present manor. Paige is writing a spell.]","Phoebe: Hurry, hurry, hurry.","Paige: I'm trying, I'm trying.","(Paige tears off the page and hands it to Phoebe. Phoebe rolls it up and hands it to Piper.)","Phoebe: There you go. (Leo pulls up the squeaky floorboard and Piper throws in the paper.) Put it back.","(Leo puts the floorboard back in place.)","[Cut to the future manor. Chris flies across the room and smashes into a table.]","Bianca: You promised you wouldn't hurt him.","Wyatt: You promised you'd turn him. It's like I turned you, or at least I thought I had.","(Bianca runs over to Chris.)","Bianca: Chris, please, I didn't bring you here to die.","Chris: Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. (Wyatt steps on the squeaky floorboard.) I think.","(Chris runs towards Wyatt and Wyatt grabs him and throws him across the room.)","Wyatt: Have you lost your mind? (Wyatt levitates Chris into the air.) I don't need you.","(Wyatt creates an energy ball. Bianca runs behind Wyatt and reaches into his back. Chris drops to the floor.)","Bianca: Whatever you're gonna do, do it fast. I can't hold him for long.","(Chris races over to the squeaky floorboard and pulls it up. He gets out the spell.)","Chris: \"Powers of witches rise, come to me across the skies, return my magic, give me back, all those taken from the attack.\" (A blue light washes over Chris. Wyatt turns around and kicks Bianca. She lands on a broken table leg.) No! (Chris waves his arm and Wyatt is thrown across the room. Chris rushes to Bianca's side.) Bianca. No, no, no, no.","Bianca: (painfully) Haven't we been here before?","Chris: Maybe we will be again.","Bianca: Maybe.","Chris: No.","(Bianca hands her engagement ring back to Chris.)","Bianca: If you can finish what we started... (Wyatt groans.) Hurry. Take the spell so he can't send anyone else. Go.","(Chris runs over to the Book of Shadows. Wyatt gets up.)","Chris: \"Hear these words, hear the rhyme, heed the hope within my mind... (Wyatt throws an energy ball towards Chris and he ducks.) Send me back to where I'll find, what I wish in place and time.\"","(The portal opens and Chris runs into it.)","[Scene: Present. Manor. Attic. Chris lands hard on the floor.]","Paige: Oh my god, are you okay?","Chris: Yeah, I'm fine. (He gets up.) Nice spell.","Phoebe: Yeah, but we just put it in there like two seconds ago.","Leo: Yeah, well, you see, the way time travel works...","Phoebe: Yeah, I don't wanna know, I already have a little headache. Thanks.","Piper: You have some serious explaining to do, young man.","Chris: I know. Listen, I'm sorry I lied to you. I really am, but...","Piper: No, no buts. It's about time you tell us the truth, now.","Chris: I can't. But not because I don't want to, but because there's only so much I can tell you without the future being changed too much.","Paige: Um, isn't that your whole point? To come and change the future?","Chris: Yeah. But that was supposed to be more like a surgical strike.","Leo: To save Wyatt.","Chris: To save Wyatt.","Phoebe: What about Bianca?","Chris: Bianca won't be a threat to anyone anymore.","Phoebe: I'm sorry.","Chris: Me too. So you guys still alright with me hanging around here?","Leo: Absolutely. The next time you're in trouble you gotta tell us. Trust works both ways.","Chris: Okay.","(Chris leaves the room.)","[Cut to the hallway. Chris passes Piper's room. Wyatt is in his playpen. Chris stops and looks at him.]","Chris: If I can't save you, I swear to god I'll stop you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Dining room. Phoebe and Paige are there. Piper walks in.]","Phoebe: Hey.","Piper: Hey.","Phoebe: What's going on?","(Piper sits down.)","Piper: Uh, well, I've been thinking.","Paige: Uh-oh. Does that mean I'm in trouble?","Piper: I think it's time we make some changes around here.","Phoebe: What kind of changes?","Piper: Like I think you should move to Hong Kong with Jason, and you should move in with Richard.","Paige: I never said I wanted that.","Piper: You didn't have to, the spell did that for you. And you too.","Phoebe: Well, we can't leave you alone, we have to stick together.","Piper: No, I know, believe me, I know. But you can't keep sacrificing your lives forever and neither can I. Mum did that, Grams did it and even Prue. And look what happened to them. It's not a legacy I want us to inherit.","Paige: What if it doesn't work out, us going our separate ways?","Piper: Well, we'll worry about it then.","Phoebe: You sure about this?","Piper: Yeah, I am."],"Show Title":"Charmed","Episode Number":"06x10","Episode Title":"Chris-Crossed","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"SpicyAlejandra"},{"File Name":"Charmed_07x03.json","Recap":["Against Piper's wishes, Paige and Phoebe summon Grams for Chris' wiccaning that will protect him from evil while he grows. However, Wyatt gets attacked in the nursery by a masked demon that Leo begins pursuing with single-minded abandon and resolve. Meanwhile, Wyatt feels threatened that his younger brother is getting all of the attention and uses magic on him. In order to prevent sibling rivalry, Grams casts a spell on Wyatt and Chris, but inadvertently makes the sisters act like teenagers again. The Charmed Ones father, Victor, comes to the house and he decides to summon Patty to help him reverse the spell."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Phoebe, Paige, Wyatt and baby Chris are there. Paige has put down five candles on the floor and starts lighting them. Wyatt is playing with his toys, while Chris is in his bassinet.]","Paige: I have things to do too, you know. I have all these parents on my back right now. Oh, and my freshmen's potions class, let's see, I ordered five hundred dried toads. What did I get? Mm, five hundred wet ones.","Phoebe: Look, Paige, it's just really hard for me to get on board with this when Piper, the actual mother, is totally against doing the wiccaning.","Paige: That's what Grams is here for. To convince her. Look at Wyatt. He didn't have one until he was six months old and he almost turned evil. (about Chris) Now, look at that little sweet face. You want a repeat of that?","Phoebe: No, of course I don't.","Paige: \"Hear me now, hear my cry, spirit from the other side, cross now the great divide.","(Grams appears with her back turned in a swirl of bright lights. Apparently she was in the middle of a conversation.)","Grams: You mean she is still lying about her age? (She chuckles.) Um... wh... (She turns to face the girls.) Not a good time, girls. I'm busy.","Paige: You're dead.","Grams: Well, it doesn't mean I can't have a life. Ah, well, alright.","(She steps out of the candle circle and becomes corporeal.)","Phoebe: Hi.","(She hugs Phoebe.)","Grams: Hello, darlings. (She hugs Paige.) Aw, sweetie. Oh, so, what brings me down here?","Paige: A wiccaning for your great grandson.","Phoebe: Providing Piper doesn't kill us first.","Grams: A wiccaning? I thought we already did that.","Paige: Not for baby Chris.","(Grams looks at baby Chris.)","Grams: Uh, help me out here. Last time I knew he was a six-foot Whitelighter.","Phoebe: Yeah, that was Chris from the future, this is baby Chris now. Piper and Leo had this night. Do you really need us to explain this to you? Or can you just be happy to see him?","(Grams picks up baby Chris.)","Grams: Wyatt has a little baby brother. Oh, aren't you sweet. So, um, when does Piper want to do this?","Phoebe: Well, technically, never.","Grams: Nonsense. You can't deny this child his ancestral blessings. It's a witch's compass for good. I mean, who knows what terrible evils could befall him otherwise.","Paige: See, now that's the kind of stuff that Piper needs to hear.","(Chris's pacifier orbs out of his mouth and into Wyatt's hands.)","Grams: Wyatt, don't pick on your little brother like that. Now give it back. (The pacifier orbs back into Chris's mouth. Wyatt orbs out.) What was that all about?","Paige: He's fine. He probably just orbed himself up to his room.","Phoebe: He's having a hard time right now. His dad's never around, his little brother's getting all the attention, he's constantly being chased by the underworld, you know.","Grams: Well, I'm afraid he just going to have to get used to it.","Phoebe: He's two.","Grams: Right. Okay. (She gives Chris to Phoebe.) I'll go up and apologise.","(Grams goes upstairs.)","Phoebe: Still think this was a good idea?","(Paige pokes out her tongue.)","[Cut to Wyatt's room. Wyatt is sitting in his bed with his force field surrounding him. A masked demon is standing over him. Grams walks in and gasps.]","Grams: Girls!","(The masked demon throws a lightning bolt at Grams knocking her into the hallway. Wyatt cries. Phoebe and Paige run in.)","Paige: Shelf!","(The shelf orbs off the wall. The masked demon shimmers out before the shelf lands on him.)","Grams: Looks like I didn't get here a minute too soon.","Opening Credits","[Scene: P3. Piper is there talking on the phone.]","Piper: Oh, no, that's okay, Jerry, just, you know, get here whenever you can. Okay, thanks, bye.","(An employee, Rex, walks over to her.)","Rex: Are you okay, Piper?","Piper: Yeah. Why?","Rex: Well, a beer shipment delayed so close to the weekend, just figured there'd be more fireworks.","Piper: Oh, no, it's no big deal. We'll just charge more for the ginger ale. I'm kidding.","Rex: See, there you go again. I don't know what, but something's going on.","Piper: No. You know how people just leave things up to a higher power? Well, I'm trying to live my life without any powers. Makes for a lot less stress.","(Phoebe walks in.)","Phoebe: Piper.","Piper: Until now.","(Rex walks away.)","Phoebe: What's that face for? Your sister can't come by without there being something wrong?","Piper: What's up?","Phoebe: Nothing. Nothing's up, you know. Why would you think anything is up? I just came by to tell my sister that I finally won a readers choice award.","Piper: Congratulations.","Phoebe: Thanks. Yeah, maybe there's one more thing, you know. Something happened today after we summoned Grams.","Piper: What? What? Why, did you summon Grams?","Phoebe: For Chris's wiccaning. It was Paige's idea, not mine, don't blame me.","Piper: What did I say? I don't want any magic. Look, I know my kids can't have a completely normal life, but I've gotta give it a shot.","Phoebe: Yes, absolutely, and I think we should start tomorrow, because, uh... A demon attacked Wyatt.","Piper: And you wait until now to tell me?","Phoebe: I didn't want to worry you. He's okay, Piper.","[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Piper walks in through the front door.]","Piper: Leo!","Grams: Oh, hi, sweetie, how are you?","Piper: Don't you sweetie me. Where are the boys?","Grams: Oh, they're both perfectly fine. Paige took them to Magic School.","Piper: Leo, now! (They walk up the stairs to the second floor.) Leo!","Grams: Honey, are you sure you want him down here? I mean, considering that he can't even tell good from evil anymore. Well, you know, lost soul and all. Oh, uh, Paige filled me in.","Piper: Okay, first of all our children's safety is Leo's number one priority, no matter how lost he may be. Leo!","(Leo orbs in.)","Leo: What's the matter? What happened?","Piper: A demon attacked Wyatt. He's okay, he's at the school.","Leo: What kind of demon was it?","Grams: No idea. It had some sort of creepy mask. Oh, and it struck me down with a lightning bolt.","Piper: I can't believe this is happening. I can't do this again.","Leo: Don't worry, I'm gonna go back down there and I'm gonna find out who it was.","Grams: Down there? As in the underworld? Hang out there a lot, do you?","Leo: Best place to vanquish demons, isn't it?","(Leo orbs out.)","Grams: Listen, Piper, far be it for me to meddle.","Piper: Then don't. Because you're already pressing your luck being here in the first place. Yeah, I know about the wiccaning.","(They walk up the stairs into the attic.)","Grams: I don't know why you're being so stubborn about it. I mean, what better way to ward off demon attacks.","Piper: Demon went after Wyatt not his brother.","Grams: Well, all the more reason to protect Chris.","Piper: Except for the fact Wyatt's wiccaning didn't really protect him now, did it? Aside from the fact that it almost destroyed you, or do you not remember your friend, the Necromancer? I just need to find out who the hell is after my son.","[Scene: Magic School. Paige's office. Paige, a young teacher, Wyatt and Chris are there. Chris's blanket orbs into Wyatt's hands.]","Paige: I saw that, Wyatt, you give that back to your little brother while I find out who's trying to kill you.","Ben: Well, whoever it is can't get to him here. These guys are protected.","Paige: Yes, Wyatt is, but his little brother is not so protected from him.","Ben: It's gotta be tough for him. He's a new kid on the block, suddenly he's yesterday's news.","Paige: Spoken like a true older brother. (Suddenly, a stack of papers appear in the in-tray on the desk.) Student progress reports. But the year hasn't gone on long enough for there to be any progress.","Ben: Afraid I can't help you with that, Miss Matthews. But I did find something on masked demons.","(He shows her a book.)","Paige: Paige, please. What do you got?","Teacher: A couple of possibilities. Could be an Aztec demon, Chinese false face demon. Any of those look familiar?","Paige: No, Ben, I'm sorry, they don't. When I took this job I had no idea just how much work there would be. (Wyatt orbs Chris out of his bassinet.) Who knows what I'm letting slip through the cracks.","Ben: I think I just found the first thing.","Paige: What?","Ben: Your nephew.","Paige: Wyatt, where did you orb your little brother?","[Cut to the manor. Foyer. The doorbell rings. Piper is on the phone walking towards the front door.]","Piper: No, Paige, he's not here. Where the hell is he?","(Piper opens the door and Victor is there holding baby Chris.)","Victor: I hope this is yours because it sure isn't mine.","Piper: Thank god. I got him.","(She hangs up. Victor hands Chris to her.)","Piper: Hi there, you. And you.","Victor: Hi. I stepped up on the porch and all of a sudden the little guy just flies into my arms.","Piper: Yeah, his brother orbed him from Magic School.","Victor: Oh, is that normal?","Piper: Has been lately.","(They walk into the parlor where Grams is sitting.)","Grams: Victor, what are you doing here?","Victor: And a big hello to you too, Penny. I was invited for a wiccaning.","Grams: Oh, sorry. Wiccanings are only for magical family members.","Victor: That's not what Paige says.","Grams: Well, Paige doesn't know all the rules.","Piper: Okay, I can see this is gonna go really well, but it really doesn't matter who was invited because there isn't going to be a wiccaning. Paige seems to think that if she crams enough family members down my throat that I'm gonna give in, but it's not gonna work. Because nothing is working. There is some creepy ass demon after my son, and now Wyatt wants to orb his brother all over creation for god only knows what reason.","Victor: Well, isn't that just boys being boys? I mean, there's always going to be sibling rivalry?","Piper: No, actually, it's not. This is not them fighting over toys. They nearly kill each other in the future.","Grams: You know, there's an easy way to nip this thing in the butt.","Piper: And what would that be exactly?","[Time lapse. Attic. Piper, Grams and Victor are looking through boxes.]","Piper: Snakes and Ladders, a very unfortunate halter top. But I don't see a little black book.","Victor: I do.","(He holds it up. Grams snatches it off him.)","Grams: Thank you.","Victor: Don't want me looking up the old boyfriends, huh?","Grams: They were in a much bigger book, thank you. Now, these contain spells I used to use on the girls when they were younger.","Victor: You used spells on my daughters?","Grams: Oh, every now and then. Hey, you try raising three girls by yourself. Keeping them in line. How else was I gonna stop them from misbehaving?","Victor: Gee, I don't know. By talking to them?","Grams: Talking?","Piper: Hey, how's about we just find that damn spell. How's that sound?","Grams: That's your answer for everything, isn't it? I was essentially a single parent. Patty was dead and it's not as if you were ever around.","Victor: You wouldn't allow me to be.","Piper: Okay, do I need to find something to separate you two?","(Piper snatches the book off Grams.)","Grams: You know, your daughters only ended up saving the world every other week. Believe it or not, it might have had something to do with the way I raised them.","Piper: Found it. Spell to resolve sibling rivalry.","Grams: Oh, good, good. I'll get the boys and you call your sisters. We'll get rid of the rivalry and then you can use the power of three to vanquish the demon, okay.","Piper: Great, more magic.","Grams: Do you have any other suggestions?","[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Les is there talking on the hands free phone while playing golf. Phoebe walks in.]","Phoebe: I have a suggestion. The next time Ask Phoebe wins an award, you should probably try calling Phoebe.","Les: Let me get back to you, Diane. (He hangs up.) Sorry, research. So what's going on?","Phoebe: Uh, did you just hear what I said?","Les: Yeah, I wasn't trying to snake the award from you. I was actually gonna accept it on your behalf because I was under the now great mistaken impression that you were actually taking some time off. (The phone rings.) Uh, just one second. (He answers it.) Yeah, this is Leslie. Hey, Rachel.","Phoebe: Hm, research?","Les: No, this is personal. Yeah, can I call you back? Great. (He hangs up.) Where was I?","(He continues with his golf. Phoebe puts her foot on the green.)","Phoebe: You were making some lame excuse about how you were about to accept an award for something you didn't write.","Les: Actually, I did write it.","(He hands her the article.)","Phoebe: Oh. Congratulations.","Les: You know, Phoebe, when I write these columns, I'm really trying to channel you... and your vibe.","Phoebe: Spare me the false humility.","Les: Yeah, it was pretty false. Well, look, why don't we go to this thing together? It's today, it's not too late. You can go and accept the award yourself.","Phoebe: No, I think that you should go accept and maybe bring one of your phone pals with you.","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper, Grams and Victor are waiting there. Paige orbs in with Wyatt.]","Paige: Okay, let's make this quick. I have four real angry parents waiting for me in the office.","Victor: Well, there's my other grandson.","Grams: Come along, darling. (She takes Wyatt's hand.) I need you to stand by your little brother. (She takes him over to Chris's bassinet.) Right there.","Victor: You do know what you're doing, right?","Grams: Paige, dear, we're getting our wiccaning.","Piper: I said maybe. We have a few more pressing issues to deal with at the moment.","Paige: Mm, what changed your mind?","Piper: Nothing. Although it's getting harder and harder to say no with the arrival of a new family member every five minutes.","Grams: Alright, are you two ready to finally get along? \"Cast your petty jealousies to darkest night, let these feuding siblings no longer fight.\"","(A blue cloud rises above Wyatt and Chris.)","Paige: Okay, shouldn't those stop now?","Piper: Grams, are you sure this is the right spell?","(Phoebe walks in.)","Phoebe: Warn me never to go on sabbatical again. (The blue light hits Piper, Phoebe and Paige. They start acting like children.) Because that Leslie is such a jerk-face!","Paige: Oh, please, you so like him.","Phoebe: I do not.","Piper: Do too.","Phoebe: I do not, Piper.","Paige: You so like him.","Phoebe: I do not, Paige.","Piper: Do too.","Phoebe: I do not, Piper.","Piper: Why don't you just marry him already.","(The masked demon appears behind Wyatt.)","Phoebe: Why don't you just marry Leo?","Piper: 'Cause I already did.","(Wyatt's force field surrounds him. The demon touches the force field and is knocked backwards.)","Grams: Girls, he's here. Piper, blast him. (Piper screams.) Girls.","(The girls run out of the attic. Grams sends an athame flying towards the masked demon. He disappears.)","Victor: Anymore great ideas?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Stairs. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Grams are walking down them.]","Phoebe: I am so out of here.","Piper: Phoebe, do not go out that front door.","Phoebe: Try and stop me.","Piper: Phoebe!","(Piper accidentally blows up a pot plant.)","Phoebe: Geez, blow my head off why don't you.","Piper: Oh, come on, it was an accident.","Grams: Paige, no one leaves this house until I reverse that spell.","Piper: Phoebe, don't.","Grams: I mean it, Paige.","Paige: Sayonara.","(Paige orbs out.)","Grams: Paige. Phoebe, Phoebe, don't you are leave this house.","Phoebe: Why not? Paige did.","Piper: That doesn't count. She's probably went to Magic School.","Phoebe: Yeah, well, I'm going to the Reader's Choice awards.","Grams: Phoebe, you've got more important things to worry about than some silly award.","(Phoebe leaves.)","Piper: Way to go, Grams.","Grams: Piper, don't be rude.","Piper: Look, it's not my fault it's only the stupidest book ever, and you said the stupid spell would work and it didn't. So you know what?","(Piper continues to ramble on. Victor comes down the stairs with Wyatt and Chris.)","Grams: \"Let this girl, quick as a sneeze, stop this snit and quickly freeze.\" (Piper freezes.) That's better.","Victor: Why is my daughter a statue?","Grams: She's fine. She'll thaw out in a minute.","Victor: How do I know she won't be this way forever? That it won't backfire like your last brilliant spell.","(They walk into the dining room.)","Grams: Have you heard a peep out of those boys? No. Because the spell worked. Pulled the rivalry right out of them. Unfortunately it went into the nearest set of siblings. In this case, the girls. Anyway, they know everything that's going on in their adult lives. The only difference is they're not adults.","Victor: Just tell me how to get them back to normal.","Grams: Easy. I just have to figure out a reversal spell, hopefully before the demon returns. And we've got to get the boys to Magic School, they'll be safe there.","Victor: Fine. Tell me how to get there.","Grams: You don't. Magic School is not for mortals.","Victor: Well, they'll just have to make an exception, won't they?","Grams: Forget it, Victor. Call Leo. He'll take them.","Victor: Leo!","[Scene: Underworld. Seer's Cave. Leo is hiding in the shadows. The Seer waves her hand above a large pool of water.]","Seer: Kind of an odd place for an Elder to visit. Then again, the word is, you can't get enough of the dark side these days.","Leo: Someone from the underworld is after my son. I want to know who.","Seer: You mean, a demon? Nah. I don't think so. They know better by now.","Leo: Obviously somebody doesn't.","Seer: Tell me. What makes you so sure it's not an Elder? Someone who thinks that maybe your friend Gideon was right.","(He grabs her by the throat.)","Leo: No other Elders are gonna die by my hands. I can't say the same thing for demons.","Seer: Can you even tell the difference anymore? (He throws her across the room.) You know, I'm kind of liking this new side of you. It's not as goopy.","Leo: Last time, who's trying to kill my son?","Oracle: You want an answer? You'll find it in there. (He watches as the pool of water forms a face. Leo's face.) Looks like the only threat to your son is you.","(He grabs her by the neck.)","Leo: No! You lie!","Oracle: The pool never lies.","(He lets go and she drops to the floor.)","[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper and Grams are sitting at the table. Piper is fanning herself with a notepad.]","Grams: Okay, try this. \"Words that cast a sibling glow...\" Piper.","Piper: What? I told you I'm not doing this. I'm not writing anything down, I'm not doing magic.","(She throws the notepad onto the table.)","Grams: Do you remember the first time you were this age, when I sat you and your sisters down and we had the talk.","Piper: Grams, I already know all about s*x, and no offence but I don't want to talk about with you because that's really gross.","Grams: No, not the s*x talk, silly. The witch talk.","Piper: So what did you tell us?","Grams: That my being a witch was such an important part of my life and what it meant to me, and what it might mean to you someday.","Piper: Did you tell us that Prue and mum were gonna die? That Leo was gonna lose his marbles. Or that demons were gonna be chasing after us all the time everywhere.","Grams: Piper, I didn't know any of those things were going to happen. But if I did, I would've done everything in my power to stop it. (They hug.) I'd like to think that being a witch gave you the inner strength you needed to deal with all those sadness's in your life. Did you ever think about that?","Piper: No.","(Leo orbs in.)","Leo: You called?","Piper: No. But hi.","Grams: Victor called you. He's in the other room. (Piper gets up.) Piper, where are you going?","(They follow Leo into the conservatory.)","Leo: What's up?","Victor: Oh, hey, Leo. Hey, you don't look so good.","Piper: You know what, dad? You could try maybe being a little bit nice to Leo. What do you think, huh?","Leo: Piper, are you okay? You don't seem...","Grams: Oh, she's fine. We're fixing it.","Victor: Leo, we need you to take the boys to Magic School for their safety.","Grams: Do you have a problem with that? Never mind, we'll, uh, we'll just keep them here.","Leo: I can take them.","Grams: You don't look like you can.","Leo: What are you saying?","Grams: I don't know what's wrong with you, Leo.","Leo: Nothing's wrong with me.","(Leo takes Chris from Victor and holds Wyatt's hand.)","Grams: Where are you going?","Leo: To protect my children.","(Leo orbs out.)","Piper: You know, I don't understand why you guys have to be so mean to Leo, you know. In case you haven't heard, he's kind of going through a hard time right about now. I mean, geez!","(Piper storms off.)","Grams: We've got to turn these girls back fast. I'm gonna finish the spell and get Paige. Uh, make yourself useful, okay? Get Phoebe.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Reader's Choice awards. A waitress carrying a tray of wine glasses walks past Phoebe.]","Phoebe: Oh, I'll take one of those. (She takes a glass.) This is so cool. They didn't even card me.","(Les walks up to her.)","Les: Didn't expect to see you here.","Phoebe: Yeah, well, I changed my mind 'cause it's my award and I'm not gonna share it with anybody, so there.","Les: Phoebe, are you drunk?","(A man stands behind the podium.)","Man: If I could please have everyone's attention. This year's winner of the San Francisco Reader's Choice award for single best column is, The Bay Mirror's Phoebe Halliwell.","(Phoebe giggles.)","Les: Hey, it's not too late. If you still want me to go up there for you I can.","Phoebe: Yeah, nice try. (Phoebe goes up on stage and takes the award.) Thank you. Wow. I mean, this is so awesome. This is so, like, totally, amazingly awesome. Really, totally awesome. Thanks.","(The crowd applauses. A woman stands up.)","Woman: In your column...","Phoebe: Yes, you mean the bestest column in all the world.","Woman: (unsure) Yes. You gave great advice to that woman. I'm just curious, was it based on something that happened to you?","Phoebe: Um, yeah, actually, it did happen to me, it was very sad. Okay, next question.","Woman: Wait, wait. Would you mind telling me what that thing was?","Phoebe: You mean what, you mean what happened to me?","(Leslie walks up to the stage.)","Les: It was actually something that happened to me. If I could answer the question.","Phoebe: Oh, yeah.","Les: I'm lucky enough to have worked with Phoebe at the paper. Anyway, a few years back this girl, she dumped me, and I was really broken up about it, 'cause I thought she was the one, you know. And the whole thing made me gun-shy about relationships. So anyway, Phoebe takes me aside one day and she says, she says let me tell you about the one. The one is the person who sees you for the idiot you are but they still want you in their life. That's the one. And I told her, I said Phoebe, I think that's great advice, and not just for me. And I guess that's really how it got in her column.","(The crowd applauses.)","Phoebe: Thank you, yeah, that's what happened. Thank you. (They walk off the stage.) Oh my god, oh my god, Leslie, thank you so much. (She jumps up and hugs him and wraps her legs around his waist.) I was so scared up there and I was so nervous that I thought I was going to hurl.","Les: You're welcome. Are you alright? You still seem a little...","(She stands back on the ground.)","Phoebe: Yeah, I'm fine. I can't believe I just hugged you. I have to go.","(She rushes off.)","[Scene: Magic School. Classroom. Ben is teaching a class. Paige stands at the doorway.]","Paige: Ben?","Ben: Miss Matthews.","Paige: Yeah, stop calling me Miss Matthews. Paige.","Ben: Okay, uh, Paige, is there something that I can help you with?","Paige: I would actually like to talk to you for a little bit if I could.","(They go into the hallway.)","Ben: Paige, what's going on? What did you call me out here for?","(She kisses him.)","Paige: That. Oh my god, how old are you, anyway?","Ben: Twenty-one.","Paige: Okay, big mistake. No. One kiss, okay? Shh. That's it. We're not going to second base.","Ben: Oh, come on.","(Grams walks up to them.)","Grams: She said no. Robbing the cradle, you should be ashamed of yourself. Come on, dear. Time to grow up.","Paige: I'll dream about you.","[Cut to the main hall. Leo, Wyatt and baby Chris are there. The masked demon appears beside Wyatt's playpen and Wyatt's force field surrounds himself. Leo throws a lightning bolt at the masked demon and he hits the wall. Streams of lightning shoot out of their hands meeting in the middle. After a while, Leo's lightning over powers the demon's and the demon is knocked backwards. His mask falls off and reveals his identity. It's Leo.]","Leo: What?","(Paige and Grams rush in. Demon Leo disappears.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe is sitting at the table writing \"Leslie is Hot!\" on a notepad and chewing gum. Victor is standing by the door watching her. Phoebe picks up her cell phone and dials a number.]","Les' Voice: This is Leslie. Hello? Hello?","(She hangs up. Piper walks in.)","Piper: Alright, give it to me. I'm calling him myself.","Phoebe: No, don't you dare.","Piper: Phoebe, do you want to know if he likes you or not?","Phoebe: Yeah, but... Wait! If he asks, I'm not here, okay, I'm not even in the house anywhere.","Piper: Okay, already.","Phoebe: Okay.","(Piper starts dialling.)","Piper: (sings) Phoebe and Leslie sit in the tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.","(Phoebe grabs her.)","Phoebe: Hey!","(Paige, Grams, Wyatt and baby Chris orb in.)","Grams: Stay here, protect the boys. (to Victor) You, come with me. (Grams and Victor walk into the kitchen.) Close the door. (He does so.) I found the demon who's after Wyatt.","Victor: You did? When? Where?","(Leo orbs in.)","Grams: There he is!","Leo: No, you're making a huge mistake.","Grams: Get out of here, Leo. I'm warning you.","Victor: Penny, what the hell are you talking about?","Grams: I saw this monster attack Wyatt at Magic School.","Leo: That wasn't me.","Grams: Well, he sure as hell looked like you.","Leo: I know it did. Look, I can explain. It must have been some kind of shapeshifter or something.","Grams: I don't know any shapeshifters who can get into Magic School or any who have Elders powers.","Victor: Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you saying?","Leo: He attacked me, remember? I was trying to protect Wyatt.","[Cut to the conservatory. The girls are sitting at the table.]","Grams' Voice: Yes, from yourself.","Phoebe: I hate it when they fight.","Piper: That's because this stupid magic is ruining our lives.","Phoebe: It's already ruined mine because now Leslie knows I like him, and I can never leave the house again.","Piper: Shh, shh, shh.","[Cut to the kitchen.]","Leo: This is my son we're talking about. I would never hurt him.","Grams: Just like you would never hurt an Elder? Or kill one?","Leo: Who are you talking about?","Grams: I think you know who I'm talking about. Gideon.","Victor: Look, I don't care what you say, Leo's right. He would never hurt his son.","Grams: And how would you know?","Victor: Because I'm a father.","Grams: Victor, you have absolutely no idea what the magical world is capable of.","Leo: He may not have an idea but I do. I am not capable of that.","Grams: No? Even after all you've been through? Look at yourself. Is it so hard to believe that maybe some dark alter ego of yours might be acting on your true feelings?","Leo: What true feelings?","Grams: That maybe deep down inside you think Gideon was right. Your son doesn't belong in this world.","Leo: That's ridiculous.","Grams: Is it? And how else do you explain what happened? Where else could that demon have come from? (Leo orbs out.) Change of plans. We're not reversing the rivalry spell. At least not yet.","Victor: Why not? I thought...","Grams: No, listen. If adult Piper were to find out that Leo was trying to harm Wyatt, it would devastate her. She wouldn't be able to fight him off.","Victor: We're talking about my daughter here, so I get a say in this.","Grams: No, with birthdays and holidays you get a say. With magic and demons, what I say goes. Now if you'll excuse me.","[Time lapse. Attic. Grams is putting Crystals around the room. Victor walks in.]","Victor: I told the girls to stay downstairs until we settled this.","Grams: There's nothing to settle. Now if you don't mind, I'm demon proofing the attic. I want to keep the children safe.","Victor: Wait, believe it or not, I really appreciate what you've done for my daughters.","Grams: Buttering me up won't do you any good. I'm not reversing the spell.","Victor: I don't expect you to. But I do expect you to understand that even though I couldn't be there when they were growing up, I'm here now. And just like you, I want to do what's best for them.","Grams: We already are.","Victor: No, we're not. And since I wanna reverse the spell and you don't, I think we should bring in a third party to break the tie so to speak.","Grams: A third party? Who'd you have in mind? Their mother?","(Grams chuckles. Victor joins in.)","Victor: Yes, that's exactly who I had in mind. Do it.","Grams: Oh, alright. But she's not going to side with you, you know.","(Grams waves her arm and Patty appears in a swirl of bright lights.)","Patty: Mum. Victor.","Victor: Wow, Patty, you look great.","Grams: Oh, stop trying to sweet talk her.","Patty: What's going on?","[Scene: Underworld. Seer's Cave. Leo walks out of the shadows.]","Seer: There's nothing more I can tell you about the demon.","Leo: You can tell me where he came from. I have to know, did it come from me? Tell me.","Seer: Oh, what's the matter? Are you in pain?","Leo: Please...","Seer: See, I have a problem. You kind of have a temper. And if I don't tell you then, well, you'll probably choke me to death. And if I do tell you and you don't like the answer, well, then you'll probably choke me to death.","Leo: I won't hurt you.","Seer: Yeah, that's not much of a guarantee. But you could swear on the head of your precious son.","Leo: Leave him out of this.","Seer: There's that temper thing.","Leo: I'm not leaving here until I get an answer.","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Grams and Victor are arguing.]","Grams: I'm telling you, she would never get over it. Her own husband trying to kill their child?","Victor: Oh, bull. We don't even know that it's Leo.","Patty: Mum.","Grams: What if it is? You trust Leo to look after those boys?","Victor: Better than keeping them locked up in the closet.","Patty: Okay, guys!","Grams: Can I just say here...","Patty: No. Victor's right.","Grams: Patty.","Patty: No, mum. We have to reverse the siblings spell and get the girls back to being adults so that they can vanquish this thing. Whoever it is.","Grams: But the danger to Piper.","Patty: She's in more danger if we don't.","Grams: Listen, Patty, I know these girls. I've been with them every step of the way.","Patty: But we're their parents.","Grams: Oh. Oh, well, then fine.","Patty: Mum.","Grams: I can see I'm not needed here.","Patty: No, come on, come on, I...","(Grams disappears.)","Victor: She always was a bad loser.","Patty: Yeah, she'll get over it. By the way, Victor, I have a question. Why'd you call on me to settle this?","Victor: Girls were in trouble and, um, you were the only person I could think of dead or alive.","Patty: Oh. Still, it was teenage trouble. It's kind of unfamiliar territory for us.","Victor: Look, I know we had our troubles but I think that if we've been given the chance, we had done a really good job raising those girls. You wanna see them?","Patty: Are you kidding? Wait, wait, wait. When you said the girls reverted, what exactly did you mean?","Victor: You'll see.","[Time lapse. Parlor. Patty and Victor walk down the stairs. The girls rush over to Patty.]","Phoebe: Mummy!","Piper: Hi!","Phoebe: Hi, mummy! (They all hug her at once.) Mummy, let's sing a song, okay?","Patty: I see the problem.","Victor: Well, there's another problem. Your mother took the reversal spell.","Patty: That's okay, I've got one of my own. Okay, girls, calm down.","Phoebe: Mummy, I met this boy and he's really, really cute.","Patty: We'll talk about the boy later. And everything else. 'Cause we've got so much to catch up on. But right now I need you girls to stand over there.","Piper: Is Leo a demon...","Patty: Now!","Piper: Okay. She said now, Phoebe!","Phoebe: I heard her, Piper.","Patty: Okay, okay.","Piper: Today, Phoebe.","(They stand in a line.)","Phoebe: You're so bossy.","Patty: \"Reverse the spell from the book, and please restore what was... took.\" I made it up when I was nine.","(A blue cloud rises out of the girls and enters Wyatt and baby Chris.)","Victor: So how's this work exactly? You remember everything that happened?","Phoebe: Oh my god. Yes. Leslie.","Paige: Oh my goodness, I tongued a student.","Victor: Piper, there's something I've gotta tell you about Wyatt and Leo.","Piper: No, dad, I already know, and you're right, Leo would never hurt Wyatt.","Paige: We overheard everything you guys were talking about.","Piper: Okay, let's go. We've got a demon to kill and a child to save.","(The girls go upstairs.)","Patty: That's our girl.","[Time lapse. Nursery. It's dark. Wyatt is asleep in his bed. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are sitting in the corner of the room.]","Piper: Are you sure this is going to work?","Paige: How many times are you gonna ask me that?","Piper: Sorry, I'm just nervous. I just wish we knew what the hell was going on.","Paige: Yeah, well, whatever's going on, I'm pretty sure the demon has something to do with Leo. What? I'm just saying.","Phoebe: Do you ever wonder what it would've been like if mum and dad both raised us?","Piper: All the time. (Demon Leo appears beside Wyatt's bed. The girls get up.) Oh my god.","Paige: Piper, it's not Leo. Throw the potion. (Piper throws the potion at Demon Leo's feet. Nothing happens.) Okay, that should've worked.","(Demon Leo picks up Wyatt.)","Phoebe: Piper.","(Piper tries to blow him up. He disappears with Wyatt.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Piper's bedroom. Baby Chris is asleep in the bassinet. Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk in.]","Piper: You promised that the potion would work.","Paige: It was supposed to. I couldn't have made it any stronger.","Piper: Well, why didn't it? Are you kidding me? We can't stop someone from stealing my son.","Phoebe: Okay, you need to calm down and just try to focus on how to find them.","(Patty and Victor walk in.)","Victor: Girls, I think your mother might be onto something here.","Patty: It's just that this seems somehow vaguely familiar to me, that's all.","Paige: Familiar how?","Patty: I'm not sure. You said you saw the demon appear at Magic School. Do you know what Wyatt was doing before?","Paige: Sleeping?","Patty: Or maybe dreaming.","Victor: He also appeared in the attic when everyone was arguing.","Patty: In front of Wyatt.","Phoebe: The demon showed up right after Grams snapped at Wyatt.","Piper: Would somebody please tell me what's going on?","Patty: When you were a little girl, right after your father and I split up.","Victor: You started having a lot of bad dreams. Doctor called them night terrors.","Patty: He said it was your subconscious way of blaming yourself for our break up.","Paige: You're saying Piper is the cause of your divorce?","Patty: No, no, no, of course not. It was...","Victor: Other things.","Piper: Right. Yeah, all this family history stuff is really interesting, but how is this gonna help us find Wyatt?","Phoebe: I think what they're saying is it's the same thing. Wyatt is blaming himself just like you blamed yourself.","Patty: Except because Wyatt is so powerful, he made his night terrors come to life whenever he felt conflict.","Piper: But why would he make something up to hurt himself? And why Leo?","(Leo walks in.)","Leo: Because I'm the bad guy. As far as he's concerned if I hadn't killed Gideon and saved him, I wouldn't be so lost, I'd be around here, I'd be home. He thinks it's all his fault.","Paige: That's ridiculous.","Piper: No, it's not. I can relate.","Phoebe: How did you figure this all out?","Leo: Well, let's just say somebody helped me look in the mirror.","Piper: So how do we find him?","Leo: We go to where he thinks it all started. Where I killed Gideon.","[Cut to a cave. Demon Leo and Wyatt are there.]","Demon Leo: This is gonna get your mummy and daddy back together. One way or the other. That's what you want most af all, isn't it?","(Demon Leo moves away. Several creepy looking demons appear and move towards Wyatt hissing and growling. Piper and Leo walk in and zap and blow up the demons. Demon Leo steps back into view.)","Leo: It's not your fault, Wyatt. None of this is, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm the reason things are all messed up. Not you. You and Chris and mummy mean everything to me. You're the things that keep me from falling apart.","Piper: Come on, baby, come home. Daddy's not going anywhere, I promise.","(Demon Leo vanishes. Leo picks up Wyatt.)","Leo: I'm so sorry.","Piper: It's not your fault, it's not anybody's fault.","Leo: Still, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to find my way again.","Piper: Yes, you do, you just have to try.","[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Les is there sitting on the couch. Phoebe knocks on the door.]","Phoebe: Can I come in?","Les: Sure, it's your office.","Phoebe: Can I sit down?","Les: Please, please.","(She does so.)","Phoebe: I just came by to thank you for what you did yesterday.","Les: What, are you kidding me? After that nice long hug, you know, I figured I came out ahead on the deal.","Phoebe: Yeah, that-that was the three martinis talking.","Les: Well, you had wine, and just one glass, but anyway.","Phoebe: Well, I hugged you because I was just, you know, grateful for what you did.","Les: I don't know, you squeezed me pretty tight.","Phoebe: Yeah, I was pretty grateful.","Les: Come on, there was nothing else besides gratitude behind that hug?","Phoebe: What would you like there to be?","Les: Just admit it. You like me.","Phoebe: How can you be so sure of that?","Les: Oh, I don't know. The twenty-eight phone calls in two hours. Caller ID.","Phoebe: Yeah, well, that was because my redial button was broken, so it just kept redialling.","Les: Ahh.","Phoebe: Yeah, and you were the last number I called, you know, so it just...","Les: Right.","Phoebe: Well, thank you.","(Phoebe walks out into the main room.)","Les: If she turns around it means she likes me. Come on, Phoebe, don't let me down. You can do it, turn around. (Phoebe stops and looks back at Les.) That-a-girl.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Patty and Victor are there.]","Victor: Are you okay?","Patty: Yeah. It's just leaving is always the hardest part.","Victor: Well, maybe I shouldn't have...","Patty: No, no, I'm glad you did. I wanted to be here for this, for them. It's just hard, you know. Price I pay for being dead, I guess. We missed a lot. Not being able to raise them together.","Victor: I know. But we made up for it a little bit today, didn't we?","Patty: Yeah.","(Piper (carrying Chris) Phoebe, Paige and Leo (carrying Wyatt) walk in.)","Piper: Alright, already, break it up. Kids entering.","Paige: Grams, are you coming down?","Phoebe: Ugh, she's being a martyr.","Paige: Grams, please.","Piper: Last call, woman.","Grams' Voice: Oh, very well. (She appears.) Just so we're clear, my way would've worked too. Nevertheless you're all forgiven. Except Leo.","Leo: Why not me?","Grams: Because I owe you the apology. I'm sorry I thought you were evil. Not that you could blame me.","Leo: That's an apology?","Victor: I'd take it if I were you.","Piper: Alright, let's do this before I change my mind.","(Piper hands baby Chris to Grams.)","Grams: \"I call forth from space and time, matriarchs from Halliwell line, mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, are family's spirit without end.\"","(About a dozen women spirits appear in the room.)"],"Show Title":"Charmed","Episode Number":"07x03","Episode Title":"Cheaper By the Coven","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"SpicyAlejandra"},{"File Name":"Charmed_07x04.json","Recap":["After Paige crosses paths with a cursed pirate called Captain Black Jack Cutting, she happens to get cursed as well and begins to rapidly age. As a result, Piper and Phoebe have to find and steal a special golden chalice for Paige to use to drink from the fountain of youth in order to break the curse."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Manor. Attic. Leo is standing there. Piper walks in.]","Piper: All set. The kids are asleep.","Leo: What about Phoebe and Paige?","Piper: You want me to put them to bed too? Paige is at school, and Phoebe went to the movies.","Leo: Really? On a date?","Piper: No. With a friend.","Leo: Oh. That's good. At least she's taking advantage of not having to be at work in the morning. That's good.","Piper: You're stalling. Look, don't make it a bigger deal than it is. You're just one Elder calling another to see if you can help.","Leo: But what if they found out?","Piper: They haven't. We already talked about this. Look, you're not gonna be able to move on if you don't let go of the past. That's the reason you're doing this, remember? What?","Leo: You'll think I'm crazy.","Piper: I already think you're crazy. What is it?","Leo: It's just, I've been seeing things lately. Hearing voices that make me feel like I can't come back, and I-I don't know if they're real or not, but they seem like they are.","Piper: Well, that's probably just self doubt. Ignore it.","Leo: Or a guilty conscience.","Piper: But you have nothing to feel guilty about. What happened was out of your control. All that matters is what happens next, so go play nice with the other Elders. (Piper leaves the room and walks down the stairs. She stops.) Please let him get through this.","[Cut back to the attic. An Elder orbs in.]","Elder: Hello, Leo.","Leo: Hey. Thanks for coming.","Elder: How have you been?","Leo: Good. Great. Actually, that's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about.","Elder: We can't let you back up there, if that's what you want.","Leo: No, no. I understand. So, any word on who killed Zola yet?","Elder: No. But we'll find who did it. We have to. So what can I help you with?","Leo: Well, actually, I was hoping to help you. I mean, you know, as an Elder.","Elder: Well, I don't quite follow.","Leo: Well, I want to do what I used to do before Gideon. I'm just trying to find my way again.","Elder: A couple of Whitelighters have lost track of their charges recently. Two in the last three nights. It may be nothing.","Leo: Charges. You mean, Whitelighters to-be? Or witches?","Elder: Witches. Just practitioners. Not powerful, but still...","Leo: I'll get the sisters right on it.","Elder: Good. Keep me posted.","Ghostly Creature: He lies, Leo. He lies. (The creature appears and floats around Leo.) You can't trust him. You can't trust yourself.","(The creature disappears.)","[Scene: Alley. Brenda walks out of the back of a shop and locks the door. The fog thickens as she walks through the alley. She hears footsteps.]","Brenda: Hello?","(The footsteps get louder. She hurries down the alley. Glass smashes. Brenda runs through the alley.)","[Cut to Brenda's apartment. Brenda walks in through the front door and locks it. Fog floats in through an open window. She walks over to close it and Reznor, a pirate, grabs her and holds her around her neck.]","Reznor: Anybody tell you not to walk alone at night, Witch?","Brenda: Help! Help!","(Reznor carries her out the window and disappear into the fog. When he climbed through the window, a gold doubloon piece fell to the floor.)","Opening Credits","[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Leo are there. Leo is sitting at the table in front of the Book of Shadows, a map and scrying crystal.]","Leo: Ahh, this should be so easy. You know, I don't understand why I can't find them. I tried sensing them, I tried summoning them, I tried scrying for them. I've got to be overlooking something.","Piper: Or maybe there's nothing to overlook. I mean, let's face it, like the Elder said, this could be nothing.","Leo: They're still missing, aren't they?","Piper: Still. Maybe you're trying too hard.","Leo: Piper, he wants me to do this. He wouldn't have given this to me unLess it was something.","Piper: Okay. So what do we know so far? What are the common denominators?","(Piper sits at the table.)","Leo: Besides the fact that they're witches, uh, the fog rolled in just before they disappeared.","Piper: Well, of course the fog rolled in. It's San Francisco. (Leo smiLes.) What?","Leo: Nothing. It's just, I miss this.","Piper: SleepLess nights and endLess exposition? Not me.","(Paige orbs in.)","Paige: Do I look like a ma'am to you?","Piper: Morning, sunshine.","Paige: I was just at Magic School taking Wyatt to the nursery, he's fine I might add, and a student bumped into me and said, \"Excuse me...\"","Piper: A kid with manners? Alert the authorities.","Paige: You didn't let me finish. He said, \"Excuse me, ma'am.\" Do I look like a ma'am?","Leo: He was being respectful.","Paige: Something happened to me since I took over Magic School.","Piper: Paige, you're obsessing.","Paige: You're damn right I'm obsessing. I am far too young to be old.","Piper: Okay, obsess about this instead. Young women disappearing around the city when the fog rolls in.","Paige: That's what you've got?","Leo: That's all the Elders know. We haven't been able to find out much else.","Paige: You spoke to the Elders?","Leo: Yes, and I promised we'd help.","Paige: Good for you. You know, this actually sounds like a job for the young, kick-ass Charmed Ones.","(Paige leaves the kitchen.)","Piper: Where you going? (to Leo) Come with me.","(Piper and Leo follow Paige through the dining room.)","Paige: I'm gonna go scry for them.","Piper: We already tried that. It didn't work.","(Paige stops at the bottom of the stairs.)","Leo: Too much time has passed since the last one disappeared.","Paige: Okay. Why don't we try to find out if anyone has disappeared more recently?","Leo: I'm sure the Elders would've told me.","Piper: Not if they don't know about it yet.","Paige: Hmm. Well, what about Morris? I'm sure he can ask Missing Persons.","Piper: Yeah. Go ahead. You can go ask him. He's outside.","(Paige walks to the front door. She goes outside and sees a car parked across the street. Inspector Sheridan and Darryl are inside the car. Paige goes back inside.)","Paige: They're watching us?","Piper: Staking us out.","Paige: Uh, is that legal?","Piper: Apparently, Sheridan wants us real bad.","Leo: Which means you can't very well go running around the city looking for missing witches.","Paige: UnLess there's a distraction. Phoebe still at home?","[Cut to the car. Inspector Sheridan is on the phone.]","Sheridan: Well, I don't understand. I sent the blood sample back east three weeks ago. What do you mean you can't find it?","Darryl: You know they can see us, right?","Sheridan: (to Darryl) I want them to see us. (to phone) Sheridan. Inspector Sheridan. S.F.P.D. The Halliwell Case. No, it's not a murder investigation. I don't know what it is. That's why I need the damn blood results! (She hangs up.) I hate Feds!","Darryl: So, uh, where'd you get the blood sample from?","Sheridan: From Piper's bedroom when I was curiously knocked out.","Darryl: What do you think the blood's gonna show you?","Sheridan: What's really going on around here.","(Piper walks up to the car carrying a breakfast tray.)","Darryl: You might want to put on a happy face.","Piper: Good morning, Inspector. You must be hungry. Breakfast? Most important meal of the day.","Sheridan: Look, if you think that this is going to...","Piper: Yeah. Okay. (She freezes Inspector Sheridan.) Wow. That's better.","Darryl: Are you out of your mind? Will you unfreeze her right now?","Piper: Sorry. Can't. We need to talk.","Darryl: Listen, I've got nothing to say. I've already made that clear.","Piper: Yeah, so I've heard. (Phoebe sneaks out of the house.) About the string of missing women that you're not telling the press about.","Darryl: How'd you find out about that?","Piper: Because they're witches and we need to find them. So have any been reported missing in the last twenty-four hours?","Darryl: Piper, listen, you know I can't help you.","Piper: Look, Darryl, if you want to help Sheridan hang us out to dry, that's your business. But this is not about that. This is about people who are in trouble. So are you gonna help us or not?","Darryl: Listen, there was one on the missing report this morning. Brenda Castillo, twenty-two. She lives in The Heights. Roommate said she never came home last night, but until she's missing twenty-four...","Piper: We'll find her in twelve. Thanks.","Darryl: You're welcome. Now will you hurry up and unfreeze her?","(Piper unfreezes Inspector Sheridan.)","Sheridan: Get me off your tail...","Piper: Now, Inspector, why would I want to do that?","(Phoebe drives past them and covers her face with her hand.)","Sheridan: Nice try.","(Sheridan pushes the breakfast tray out the way. It falls to the ground.)","Piper: Whoa! (Sheridan starts the car and drives off.) It's alright! I'll clean this up! (She dials a number on her cell phone.) Okay, Paige, you're on. Brenda Castillo, The Heights.","[Scene: Treasure Island. Cave. Brenda and Reznor the pirate are there. Brenda is on the floor with her hands chained together. She wakes up.]","Reznor: Don't bother screaming, love. No one can hear you.","Brenda: What? What do you want from me?","Reznor: We don't want nothing. However, my Captain would like a word with you.","(Reznor pulls Brenda to her feet. Captain Black Jack Cutting and other pirates walk in.)","Brenda: Oh my...","Black Jack: God? Afraid not. You'll have to settle for Captain Black Jack Cutting.","Parrot: Aye-yae, Captain.","Black Jack: Don't you just love clich\u00e9s? Well, don't just stand there, you fool, bring her closer.","(Reznor pulls Brenda closer to him.)","Black Jack: Ah, the stench of witch. I'd know that anywhere.","Brenda: What do you want?","Black Jack: I want you to die, but not too fast.","(He pulls out a dagger.)","Black Jack: One of your kind cursed me with this a very long time ago. Of course, then I used it to cut her heart out.","(Black Jack cuts Brenda's arm.)","Brenda: Ohh!","Black Jack: Take her away.","Reznor: But what about The Charmed Ones?","Black Jack: All good things to those who wait. Do as I say, or I'll have you in irons!","(Reznor takes Brenda away.)","[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's Office. Leslie is there reading the paper. Phoebe knocks on the door frame.]","Phoebe: Knock, knock.","Les: Phoebe. Hey, uh, what are you doing here?","Phoebe: I'm just returning your phone call.","Les: Wow. Returning my call. Um, most people return phone calls with, uh, I don't know, phone calls.","Phoebe: Yeah. Well, I kinda needed to get out of the house. We're experiencing a bit of a pest problem.","Les: Ooh. Is it serious?","Phoebe: Too soon to tell. So what did you call about?","Les: Well, it was, a little timely, I had to make a decision, but you did give me free reign, didn't you?","Phoebe: Yes. Absolutely. I mean, how else would I be enjoying my sabbatical, right?","Les: Exactly.","Phoebe: So that's it, huh? Nothing else you needed to talk to me about?","Les: Um, nope. I can't think of anything.","Phoebe: Ask me? Nothing?","Les: Nah.","Phoebe: Okay.","(Phoebe starts to leave.)","Les: Uh, wait. There was one thing, actually. I was, um... I was looking through some of your notes and ideas last week, and I found something about a contest.","Phoebe: Oh, the \"Win a Date with Phoebe\" contest. Yeah, that was Elise's idea.","Les: Yeah. I think it's a great idea. I mean, readers love to be talked to and not down to. I think going on a date gives you a chance to make them feel like you're really a part of their lives.","Phoebe: Really?","Les: You know, it's a great PR move.","Phoebe: Still...","Les: I really, I would love to leave you with more readers than you had when I came.","Phoebe: That's really sweet, Leslie, uh, but I think I'm taking a break from the dating world, as well. Besides, you never know who's gonna win a contest like that.","Les: Well, I would win it. I mean, just to protect you, of course.","Phoebe: Are you asking me out on a date?","Les: Strictly professional. Look, how about this? We go tonight. We get it over with.","Phoebe: Get it over with?","Les: Oh, yeah. So we don't infringe on your life away from here any more than we already have.","Phoebe: Okay. Well, call me stupid, but shouldn't you actually run the contest in the paper before you decide who wins it?","Les: Oh, details. I'll just, I'll hold the copy on the date and print it afterwards. So what do you say? Maxine's? Eight o'clock?","Phoebe: Hmm. All right. Eight o'clock.","(Phoebe leaves. Leslie looks at the paper. It reads: \"Lucky Leslie Wins Date with Ask Phoebe\".)","[Scene: Brenda's Apartment. Hallway. Paige knocks on the door. Carly opens it.]","Carly: Can I help you?","Paige: Hi. I'm Paige Matthews. I'm here about Brenda Castillo.","Carly: Are you from the police?","Paige: No, I'm just somebody who's concerned about her.","Carly: I'm sorry.","(She starts to close the door.)","Paige: No, please. Is Brenda a witch, by any chance? Because if she is, I think I can help find her.","Carly: Come in.","(Paige walks into the apartment.)","Carly: Are you one too? A witch, I mean.","Paige: Yeah. You?","Carly: Oh, no. No, that's Brenda's thing.","Paige: You don't believe in witchcraft?","Carly: I will if it'll help find her. She wouldn't just not come home, you know? She never has. But the police, they won't do a thing.","Paige: Yeah. It's the whole twenty four hour deal, right? You guys seem pretty close. Are you sisters, roommates?","Carly: Um, no. Partners. It's another reason the police won't do anything, you know? They think it's just a lovers quarrel or something, like it's just a big joke.","Paige: I know it's not a joke. Look, if I'm gonna find her, I'm gonna need something, anything to go off of.","Carly: Maybe this will help. (She picks up the doubloon.) I found it on the floor when I got home. I've never seen it before. (She hands it to Paige.) What do you think it means?","[Cut to Treasure Island. Cave. Paige orbs in.]","Paige: Brenda? Brenda? Brenda?","(She sees Brenda laying on the ground.)","Brenda: Go away. Hurry.","(Captain Black Jack and the pirates walk in.)","Black Jack: Took you long enough, dearie. We've been waiting for you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Treasure Island. Cave. Continued from before.]","Black Jack: You wouldn't just orb out and leave an innocent stranded, would you, witch?","Paige: You look like you've been out to sea for quite some time.","Black Jack: Nearly three hundred years in a place beyond time and space. Only when the mystical fog rolls in do we get a chance to come and play in fair port cities like your own.","Paige: You see, I would have chosen London.","Black Jack: I did. They didn't have what I want.","Paige: And what's that?","Black Jack: You and your sisters. Only you can get me the treasure I so desire.","Paige: Oh, I guess I forgot where I buried it.","Black Jack: Oh, you're very quick with the tongue. Let me ask you, when the Gathering Storm arrives here, will you be making jokes then, huh?","Paige: Gathering Storm. I'm so sorry. I don't speak pirate, matey.","Black Jack: This is not pirate lore. This is something very real, very dangerous, and I don't intend to be stuck here when it arrives.","(Reznor pulls out the athame.)","Paige: Sword!","(A sword hanging on the wall orbs into her hands. She stabs Reznor. It doesn't harm him.)","Reznor: (to pirate) Excuse me. Would you mind?","(The pirate pulls out the sword.)","Paige: Okay. You're supposed to be...","Black Jack: Dead? He wishes. (Black Jack cuts Paige's neck.) That's gonna leave a mark.","(Paige orbs out.)","Reznor: You let her escape!","Black Jack: I let her go. She's no good to us alone.","Reznor: But her sisters...","Black Jack: Will come, when they realize they've got no choice. Are you questioning me, First Mate? You remember your oath? You do as I say when I say it, understand? You all will, or this hell we're in will never end. What about the Golden Chalice?","Reznor: We've had trouble procuring it, sir.","Black Jack: There may be another way. For now, make yourself scarce. We want the witches to rescue her, remember?","Pirates: Aye.","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Leo heals Paige's wound. Paige stands up.]","Leo: Alright. You need to slow down and relax.","Paige: Okay. I can't, because we need to find Brenda.","Piper: Look, whatever their angle is, whatever their reason is, we can't go in there blind like you did, which, I may add, was very dangerous.","Paige: All I did was scry for her with the coin. Is that so bad?","Leo: And look where it got you. If you go back in again, you could be walking the plank.","Paige: Cute.","Piper: Strangely, there is nothing in here about pirates. Leo, do you know anything?","Leo: About pirates? A little before my time.","(Paige opens the Book of Shadows and closely looks at the pages.)","Paige: Are you sure there's nothing in here?","Piper: You need glasses there, ma'am?","Paige: No. I'm just a little woozy.","Leo: Which is why we need to know what we're up against.","Paige: Yeah, well, okay. Then we need to go to Magic School since they're obviously not of this time.","(Phoebe walks in.)","Phoebe: Who's not?","Piper: Oh, just, you know, pirates.","Phoebe: Pirates? Like hot Johnny Depp pirates?","Piper: Yeah, probably not. Tell her, Paige.","Paige: Tell her what? Why we left an innocent stranded?","Piper: No. Why we almost lost a sister.","Paige: If they'd wanted to kill me, they would have. They're obviously after something else.","Piper: Yeah, like wanting to kill all of us.","Phoebe: Okay. What's going on, you two?","Piper: We'll catch you up on the way to Magic School. Right now, we need to go brush up on our pirate lore. (to Leo) Can you watch the kids?","Leo: Yeah, but...","Piper: No, no. You already did your part. Now let us do ours.","Phoebe: Okay. What if we don't find anything? I mean, pirates aren't known to be magical.","Paige: Do you have a better idea?","Phoebe: Actually, yes, I might.","[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe and a movie critic are there.]","Movie Critic: Pirate movies? You want to know about pirate movies?","Phoebe: Yeah, I do. Just tell me everything you know.","Movie Critic: I thought you were on sabbatical.","Phoebe: It's not for my column. It's personal.","Movie Critic: Okay, well, I guess \"Mutiny on the Bounty\" is the very best pirate movie. The Clark Gable version.","(Leslie walks out of Phoebe's office.)","Les: That's not a pirate movie. That's a swashbuckler. There's a big difference. Sorry. I couldn't help but overhear.","Phoebe: Do you have your doctorate in pirates as well?","Les: Well, I grew up watching pirate movies with my dad. (to movie critic) Hey, I got this. \"Captain Blood\", \"Cutthroat Island\", \"Blackbeard's Ghost\". I mean, I've seen them all. Even \"Yellowbeard\". It was a great spoof.","Phoebe: You're just full of surprises, aren't you?","Les: Wait until tonight. We're still on, aren't we? Come on. You wouldn't want to break the pirate's oath.","Phoebe: The pirate's oath? What's that?","Les: Oh, yeah, pirate's oath. If a captain gives his word to his crew, he gotta hold to it or face mutiny.","Phoebe: Hmm. And would I be the captain or the crew in that analogy?","Les: Well, it is your column.","Phoebe: Yeah, I wouldn't want to disappoint my readers.","Les: So what else do you want to know about pirates?","[Scene: Police Station. Darryl and Sheridan are there.]","Sheridan: Tell me this isn't happening. I cannot freakin' believe he's gonna pull us off this case.","Darryl: Listen, the truth is we don't really have that much to go on.","Sheridan: Oh, we've got plenty to go on, Morris, and we'd have a hell of a lot more if you came clean.","Darryl: You think I know more than what I do.","Sheridan: Look, don't insult me, okay? We both know that you're covering for them. So don't pretend like you're not.","Darryl: All I know is the Halliwells are really good people. They do good things.","Sheridan: Yeah, like send us on a wild goose chase so that they can do god only knows what. Six years of unsolved crimes of all types, all mysteriously connected to them. I don't care what you say, Morris. That's not good people.","(Sheridan picks up the phone.)","Darryl: Who are you calling?","Sheridan: The captain wants tangible proof. I'm calling the Feds, see what happened to that damn blood sample once and for all.","(Agents Brody puts his hand on the phone.)","Agent Brody: You want the Feds? You got him.","[Scene: Magic School. Paige is there looking at bottles of ingredients. Piper walks in carrying a book.]","Piper: I think I found something.","Paige: Huh?","Piper: I said I think I found something. What, are you deaf now too?","Paige: Well, you're gonna go deaf first. Don't forget, you're the older sister.","Piper: Yeah, I love you too. Okay. So does Black Jack Cutting sound familiar?","Paige: No, actually. We weren't formally introduced.","Piper: Well, it says here he tricked a witch into falling for him in the 18th century so she could give him immortality.","Paige: Hmm. That's quite a spell.","Piper: Yeah. It didn't help her much. Um, he cut her heart out with the same athame she used to curse him.","Paige: Who?","Piper: What do you mean, who? The Captain. The guy we're talking about.","Paige: Right. Right. Right. Uh, wait. What was the question?","Piper: Are you alright? You don't look so good.","Paige: I look fine, and, yeah, I'm just concerned with Brenda, I guess. I don't know. Okay. Let's see. He did say something about a storm, a Gathering Storm.","Piper: Well, there is nothing about a storm, just the curse.","Paige: Huh. Well, I guess I better make these potions a little stronger.","(Phoebe walks in.)","Phoebe: Yo-ho, hello.","Piper: Did you just call me a ho? How'd you get here?","Phoebe: A pirate never betrays his vow of secrecy. Leo orbed me. Go ahead. Ask me anything you want to know about Buccaneers. I know everything.","Piper: You see a movie critic, and suddenly, you're an expert.","Phoebe: No. I ran into Leslie, and he taught me everything he knows.","Piper: Hmm. I bet. Looking forward to your date tonight?","Phoebe: No, I'm not. It's just a publicity stunt.","Piper: Mm-hm. Right. (Paige drops an ingredient bottle and it smashes onto the floor.) Paige?","(Paige's hands are shaking.)","Phoebe: What happened, honey? What's wrong with your hand?","Paige: Uh, I don't know.","Piper: I think that athame did more damage than we thought.","Paige: I'm just gonna go sit on the couch, okay? Um, maybe you guys concentrate on Brenda, and making more potions.","(Paige walks over to the couch.)","[Scene: Police Station. Darryl, Sheridan and Agent Brody are there. Sheridan is on the phone.]","Sheridan: Are you sure that we're talking about the same man? Alright. Thank you. (She hangs up.) Okay, Agent Brody, you check out, for now.","Agent Brody: Great. Now can we get to work?","Darryl: What Agency did they say he was from?","Sheridan: Homeland Security.","Darryl: What Division?","Agent Brody: The classified one. You're, uh, pretty protective of the sisters, aren't you, Lieutenant?","Darryl: I've known them a long time.","Agent Brody: Six and a half years to be exact. I did my homework.","Sheridan: So what are you doing here? What do you want?","Agent Brody: I wanna know where you got that blood sample from.","Sheridan: Why?","Agent Brody: Because whatever it is, it's not human. DNA showed a triple helix. Now, we've only got two. Plus plasma, platelets, Rh factors, they're all incredible. Somebody messed up. You were not supposed to find that blood.","Sheridan: I don't understand.","Agent Brody: You wanna explain it to her?","Darryl: Explain what?","Agent Brody: What kind of being that sample came from.","Darryl: Being? How would I know?","Agent Brody: Don't worry, Lieutenant, I'm not after you. I'm after the Halliwells. And the recent rash of missing women that you've been ignoring matches a pattern that goes back for decades. Barbados, Panama, Newfoundland, New Orleans, and now here. Except they aren't missing women. They're missing witches.","Sheridan: Witches?","Agent Brody: ust like the three sisters. And if I'm right, then, uh, one will lead us to the other.","Sheridan: So you're saying that the Halliwells are not human?","Agent Brody: No, no, they're human, alright, but this sample, it just came from something else. (to Darryl) So if I were you, I'd watch my step. People tend to disappear around these girls, especially cops. Now, I have been working for a long time to prove my theories. Now all I gotta do is catch them in the act.","Sheridan: But how?","Agent Brody: You got any Golden Chalices lying around?","[Scene: Treasure Island. Cave. Piper and Phoebe walk in.]","Piper: Maybe Paige scared them away. It's possible.","Phoebe: Pirates don't run from fights. They lure you into them. (Phoebe finds Brenda on the ground.) Piper! Come here. Grab that lantern.","(Piper grabs the lantern. Brenda is now very old.)","Brenda: You must leave.","Phoebe: Who did this to you?","Brenda: The pirate. He cut me with the athame.","Piper: Wait a minute. Who are you? What's your name?","Brenda: Brenda. Save your sister.","(Brenda dies.)","Piper: We gotta go get Paige.","(Piper and Phoebe leave the cave.)","[Cut to Magic School. Piper and Phoebe run in.]","Phoebe: Paige? Are you okay?","(They see Paige sitting on the couch. She has turned very old.)","Piper: Paige?","Paige: Well, now I'm a ma'am.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige orbs in with Piper and Phoebe. Piper and Phoebe help Paige stay on her feet.]","Phoebe: Oh! Easy, easy, easy. We got ya.","Piper: We got ya.","(They help her to the couch.)","Paige: Took a little more out of me than I thought.","Piper: Here. Couch. Couch. Leo? Get up here.","(Phoebe starts looking through the Book of Shadows.)","Paige: Are you two back together? I forget.","Piper: Leo?","(Leo runs into the attic.)","Leo: What's the matter? What happened?","Piper: Just heal this, now.","Leo: Heal? Heal what?","Piper: It's Paige. It's just Paige. She's just... Don't ask. Just fix her.","Leo: Fix it? What happened?","Piper: Well, she got cut by a cursed athame, and she's aging.","Leo: Aging? Well, I can't fix aging.","Phoebe: I can't find a reversal to the curse in here anywhere.","Piper: Naturally.","Phoebe: Still, Captain Cutting must be banking on us finding a reversal to the curse so that we can save them both.","Leo: Maybe I should go check with the Elders, see if they know...","Piper: No. We don't have time. She's gaining years by the hour.","Paige: Forget about me. You have to save Brenda first.","Phoebe: Sweetie, we lost her already.","Piper: Yeah, but we're not gonna lose you too.","(A parrot flies onto the window sill holding a piece of paper in its mouth.)","Parrot: Shiver me witches. (Squawks.) Shiver me witches.","Piper: You have got to be kidding me.","(Piper raises her arm.)","Phoebe: No, Piper, don't blow him up.","Piper: Fine.","Leo: Obviously he was sent here for a reason.","(Leo walks over to the parrot and takes the paper.)","Phoebe: What's it say?","Leo: Captain Black Jack Cutting cordially invites you to Treasure Island.","[Time lapse. Treasure Island. Four pirates have knives up to Piper and Phoebe's throats.]","Piper: Uh, we were invited.","Reznor: Invited? Or were you tricked?","Phoebe: Now you wouldn't want to be violating parlay, would you?","Piper: Phoebe, now is not the time for stupid pirate facts.","Reznor: How would you know about parlay?","Phoebe: Actually, I know everything about parlay. Everyone does. It's the sacredness of the Captain's word, right? Piper?","Piper: Hmm?","Phoebe: You remember. Pirates of the Caribbean?","Piper: Okay, so?","Phoebe: So, it's what keeps the crew from mutiny. Yeah, it's the oath of the pirates, right? As long as the Captain keeps his word, you're bound to him. Forever.","Reznor: Yeah. And what's it to you?","Phoebe: Well, quite honestly it just doesn't seem fair. I mean, he's the one that's cursed, not you, right? I mean, how are you ever supposed to move on?","(Captain Black Jack walks in with the parrot on his shoulder.)","Black Jack: What are you jabbering about over there? Bring 'em closer.","(The pirates push them closer to Black Jack.)","Piper: Whoa, easy.","Black Jack: Come to save your sister, have you? How noble of you.","Phoebe: You're wasting your time. We don't know how to reverse the curse.","Black Jack: You don't have to. Just need to call forth the fountain of youth.","(He points to a fountain behind them.)","Piper: That's a myth.","Black Jack: So are three hundred year old pirates who sail the high seas searching for revenge. Take it from me, the fountain of youth is very real. Only Ponce de Leon had it wrong. I've got it right. And finding it is the only way to save your precious sister's life.","[Time lapse. Attic. Piper and Leo are there. Piper is writing a spell.]","Leo: He wants you to do what?","Piper: You heard me. Break into a museum.","Leo: To find the fountain of youth?","Piper: No, to steal a golden chalice that turns on the fountain of youth.","Leo: Piper, you can't do this.","Piper: I don't have a choice. Without the chalice I can't cast the spell, without the spell I can't save Paige. So there you go.","Leo: What if you get caught? This is exactly what Sheridan wants.","Piper: Forget about her. This is about family. A family, by the way, you have to be able to take care of if anything happens to us.","Leo: Piper.","Piper: No, I mean it, Leo. You need to promise me you'll be able to take care of them.","Leo: I can't believe you're saying this.","Piper: Well, believe it. Ignore the voices and you'll be fine. You have to be.","[Scene: San Francisco Museum Hall. Front desk. The security guard suddenly freezes. Piper and Phoebe walk in wearing long black tight clothes.]","Phoebe: So far so good.","Piper: Oh, yeah?","(The look down from the balcony and see the chalice surrounded by many lasers pointing at it.)","Phoebe: Wow. If we pull this off Paige owes me Prada.","Piper: And babysitting for a year. (Piper freezes the lasers. They walk down the stairs. Phoebe's phone vibrates.) You're getting a call now?","Phoebe: Oh, no, oh, no, Piper, it's Leslie. I totally forgot about our date.","Piper: Don't you mean your publicity stunt?","Phoebe: What do you want from me?","Piper: I want you to admit that maybe you like him a little.","Phoebe: No.","Piper: Well, aren't you gonna answer it?","Phoebe: No, I'm not gonna answer it. We're a little busy right now. What am I gonna tell him? We're robbing a museum?","[Cut to a restaurant. Leslie is sitting at a table for two. He's calling Phoebe on his cell phone. He gives up and leaves.]","[Cut back to the museum.]","Piper: Okay, deep breath. Clear your mind. Think positive, think positive. Ready, ready, ready? Okay, after you. (Phoebe rolls over a laser. She then slides under another.) Easy. (She steps over another one.) Careful.","(She gets on her back and slides under a low laser. She stands up in front of the chalice which is inside a glass case.)","Phoebe: Okay, now what. (Piper blows up the glass case and quickly freezes the pieces in mid air.) Nicely done.","(Phoebe takes the chalice off its stand and sets off the alarm. They run.)","Piper: This is bad. This is bad.","(They run down the hallway. Darryl, Sheridan and Agent Brody come out of hiding.)","Sheridan: How'd you know they'd be here?","Agent Brody: What are you doing?","Sheridan: What do you mean? I'm gonna bust them.","Agent Brody: Not with that thing you're not. Besides, I don't want to catch them stealing. I want to catch them using magic.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Treasure Island. Captain Black Jack and the pirates are waiting there. Piper and Phoebe arrive with the chalice.]","Black Jack: Welcome back, ladies.","Phoebe: Stow it. Here's your chalice.","Black Jack: What's your hurry? (He takes the chalice and stands next to the fountain of youth.) Now, the spell if you will.","Piper: \"With these offerings, I call on thee, the Goddess of Fertility, rise now, show us the truth, give us the gift of eternal youth.\"","(The fountain pours magical water into the chalice. Black Jack drinks from the chalice and returns to his young self.)","Pirate: He's young again.","Reznor: Mother of god.","(Black Jack puts the chalice down.)","Piper: Now, my sister.","Black Jack: What about her? Run them through.","(The pirates pull out their swords and step towards Piper and Phoebe.)","Phoebe: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He just broke his oath. He promised not to hurt us, remember?","Black Jack: I said kill them. What are you waiting for?","Phoebe: He doesn't care about his oath, or parlay. All he cares about is himself. He promised you treasures, right? He promised you freedom, but where is it? He lied. He broke his oath, and now you can too.","(Captain Black Jack grabs Reznor.)","Black Jack: I'll have you drawn and quartered, sir. Raised from the highest yardarm until sun rots your skin. Then I'll feed you to the sharks.","(Reznor pushes him to the ground and draws his sword.)","Phoebe: Looks like mutiny to me.","Black Jack: You'll die too, you know. You're only alive because of me.","Reznor: It's a fate worse than death, I can assure you. (Reznor stabs Captain Black Jack. Captain Black Jack ages and turns into dust.) Thank you.","(All the pirates, even the parrot, turns into dust. Phoebe gets the chalice.)","Piper: Nice speech.","Phoebe: There's still some left. We've gotta get it to Paige.","Piper: Wait. We don't want this happening any time again soon.","(Piper blows up the fountain of youth. Darryl and Sheridan arrive behind them. Sheridan points her gun.)","Sheridan: Hold it right there! I don't know how you did that, but just don't move.","Piper: Uh-oh.","Phoebe: Darryl, do something.","Darryl: I can't.","Sheridan: Face down, on the ground. Now.","(Sheridan is hit in the neck by a dart gun. She falls to the ground. Agent Brody is standing behind her. Darryl turns around and points his gun.)","Agent Brody: Dart gun. (Darryl looks at the dart sticking out of Sheridan's neck.) Told you, Morris, I wasn't after you. She'll be alright. She's gonna wake up with a hell of a headache, though.","Piper: Who are you?","Agent Brody: Someone you owe now. Go on, get out of here. I'll take care of her. You got a sister to save, right? (Piper and Phoebe quickly leave the cave.) You think you can give me a hand with her? Seriously. I think I'm gonna need some help.","[Scene: Piper's room. Leo, Wyatt and baby Chris are on the bed. Leo is asleep. Piper is standing at the doorway watching. Paige walks up behind her.]","Paige: Hey.","Piper: Hey. How you feeling?","Paige: I feel young, I feel grateful. You're not gonna hear me complain about getting old again until I'm at least seventy-five. The good news is, you know, you'll be there before I am.","Piper: You're right.","Paige: Hey, uh, what did that Agent Brody guy want, anyway?","Piper: I don't know. But that's tomorrow's problem.","Paige: He did a good job.","Piper: Yeah, he did.","Paige: Think it'll stay that way?","Piper: I hope so.","Paige: Good night, sweetie.","Piper: Good night... ma'am.","(Paige walks away. The Elder orbs into the hallway.)","Elder: It's not over yet, you know. His wounds won't easily heal.","Piper: I know.","Elder: Just don't give up on him, Piper. We're all going to need him back. Before the gathering storm.","(He orbs out.)","[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Les is there typing at the computer. Phoebe stands at the door.]","Phoebe: Knock, knock. (Les gets up and walks outside to the main room.) Ohh, you're really mad, aren't you?","Les: No, no, I get stood up all the time.","Phoebe: Actually, that's not true. Listen, uh, I would've called you but...","Les: But what? Why didn't you?","Phoebe: You know what, it's kind of complicated.","Les: You use that excuse a lot. I mean, is it something you're not telling me or do you just think I'm stupid.","Phoebe: No, of course I don't think you're stupid.","Les: Well, then what is it? What are you afraid of?","Phoebe: Who says I'm afraid of anything?","Les: You're afraid of commitment, aren't you?","Phoebe: Commitment? What are you talking about? What commitment? I thought this was just a publicity stunt.","Les: Oh, the hell you did. I mean, come on, why can't you just admit you like me? What is the big deal?","Phoebe: Oh, you're one to talk, mister. You're the one that had to orchestrate this whole contest because you were too afraid to ask me out straight.","Les: That is not true.","Phoebe: Oh, no?","Les: It's not true.","Phoebe: Oh, really. Okay. Then how come you didn't tell me about it until after you already printed it? Until after you won the contest. Yeah, that's right, I knew the whole time.","Les: And you didn't say anything?","Phoebe: No, you didn't say anything.","Les: You never called me back.","Phoebe: Oh, you know what? That's lame.","Les: If you knew about the contest, why did you agree to go through with it?","Phoebe: Well, because...","Les: Because of what? Come on.","Phoebe: Honestly? You wanna know the truth? I didn't want to embarrass you.","Les: Ehh, wrong answer.","Phoebe: You know what? You don't know me.","Les: You won't let me know you.","Phoebe: That's not true.","(They move closer to each other.)","Les: You're afraid of getting involved with me, because you're afraid of getting hurt again.","Phoebe: Save the advice for your readers.","Les: You read me.","(Phoebe kisses him. They kiss passionately and start removing their clothes.)"],"Show Title":"Charmed","Episode Number":"07x04","Episode Title":"Charrrmed!","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"SpicyAlejandra"},{"File Name":"Charmed_07x05.json","Recap":["When a demon, Sirk, tries to destroy his human half by killing off his remaining blood relatives, Paige casts a spell that inadvertently blocks all death from occurring. Annoyed that he now has a backlog of work, the Angel of Death insists that the Charmed Ones help him clean up the mess and \"kills\" Piper so she can help him restore the Grand Design. Meanwhile, Phoebe earns back her power of premonition."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Outside a Chapel. Piper and Paige are sitting in Piper's car talking on their cell phones.]","Piper: This is ridiculous. We need more than ten cases of beer.","Paige: Look, we can't keep doing this, Phoebe, because Piper and I actually have lives.","Piper: Okay, call Phil at the beauty bar and he'll lend you a couple of cases of beer. I will call the distributor tomorrow.","Paige: No, Phoebe, I haven't seen the demon or half-demon or whatever the hell he is. Yeah, I think demon fighting is important, but you, missy, are at home doing research. And Piper and I are here on the front line.","Piper, Paige: I gotta go.","Paige: Bye. (They hang up.) Why is it every time Phoebe runs away from a guy, that we actually pay for it.","Piper: I know, she sleeps with Leslie and suddenly she's got us chasing demons all over town while P3 falls apart.","Paige: And she has to get her active powers back because we can't keep picking up the slack.","Piper: I wish the demon would hurry up and attack already.","Paige: You know, it's okay. I cast a protection spell on the innocent, so it should be alright.","Piper: Excuse me? You did what?","Paige: I cast a protection spell. Because, you know, you can't keep watching him all the time.","Piper: Paige, protection spells backfire, that's why we don't use them.","Paige: Don't worry about it. I got the spell from my best grad student. I'm all over it.","Piper: Well, you better be, because the chaplain's on the move. (Paige looks though the binoculars.) He's going in alone. Come on, put that down.","Paige: I have to put my shoes on.","[Cut to the chapel. The chaplain is praying. A guy walks in with a hood covering his face.]","Guy: Come to pray, have you, Arthur?","Arthur: Who's that? Kevin?","Guy: That's actually my human name.","Arthur: Human? (The guy shows his face. Half of his face is grey and scaly.) Wh-What's happened?","Guy: This? It's just a little ritual I've been performing to reveal who I truly am... are. Who I hope to be soon.","Arthur: What are you talking about?","Guy: My real name's Sirk, from my father's side. He was a demon. And I will be complete as soon as I've eliminated the last of my human lineage. And that's where you come in. (He throws an energy ball at Arthur. Arthur goes flying through the room. Piper and Paige walk in. Piper tries to blow up Sirk but he is knocked backwards.) Ouch. That really stings.","(He throws a lighting bolt at the girls and they dive behind the pews.)","Piper: How many powers does this guy have?","(Arthur gets up from behind the podium.)","Paige: Arthur, get down.","Sirk: What?","(Sirk throws a fireball at Arthur.)","Paige: Fireball!","(The fireball orbs back to Sirk but Sirk shimmers out before it hits him. Piper rushes over to Arthur. Arthur stands up and he has a huge hole in his stomach.)","Piper: Nice protection spell, sis.","Opening Credits","[Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Arthur are there. Leo is looking at Arthur's hole in his stomach.]","Arthur: How did this happen?","Phoebe: Uh, actually, we're not really sure.","(Piper walks in carrying a coat.)","Piper: Would you mind covering up? It's a little unnerving.","(She hands the coat to Arthur and he puts it on.)","Arthur: But how am I still alive?","Paige: See, I kind of cast a protection spell.","Leo: You cast a what?","Piper: Already been there, done that.","Arthur: A spell?","Phoebe: Yeah, but the spell she cast was clearly a very, very bad idea.","Paige: I had to do something. We couldn't just sit around and wait for demons to attack, because, you know, Piper and I actually have lives.","Piper: Don't drag me into this.","Paige: What? We agreed that the only reason we are out hunting for demons constantly is because Phoebe won't deal with her Leslie issues.","Phoebe: Wait, I have Leslie issues?","Leo: Okay, you guys, we have issues right now with the chaplain.","Arthur: I have to get out of here. I gotta find my wife.","(Arthur runs out of the room.)","Piper: Uh...","Phoebe: Uh, Paige, would you mind? (Paige orbs out.) Can't have him running around San Francisco like that with Agent Brody snooping around.","(Paige orbs in with Arthur.)","Arthur: What are you people?","Phoebe: We're witches. It's okay. Just relax.","Paige: Look, my spell got us into this mess, I'll figure out a way to reverse it. I'll just add it to the long list of things I have to do in magic school.","Arthur: Can you tell me if I'm alive or dead?","Leo: Uh, well, the thing is-is... we're not really sure.","(The Angel of Death appears behind everyone.)","Angel of Death: I might be able to answer that question.","Phoebe: And you would be?","Angel of Death: I'm the Angel of Death. (Arthur faints onto the couch.) I knew your sister, your mother, of course, and your grandmother.","Leo: Alright, we get the point. What do you want?","Paige: Do you kill people?","Angel of Death: No, Paige, I don't kill. I merely claim the souls of those who've already died.","Phoebe: And you're here for who now?","Angel of Death: Oh, don't worry, not any of you. No, this time I'm here for him. The problem is, I don't seem to be able to claim his soul yet, even though he's dead. It's fascinating, really. I've never had this problem before. Any ideas why now?","Paige: I cast a spell.","Angel of Death: A spell? You trapped a soul with a spell?","Paige: It wasn't intentional.","Angel of Death: Reverse it now.","Piper: Hey, listen, tall dark one. If we give you him, the demon gets what he wants, and then we won't be able to stop the demon.","Angel of Death: You don't understand. (A list appears in a puff of smoke in his hand. One column reads \"Dead\" and the other column reads \"To Die\".) People have to die in order, according to my list. Otherwise, the cosmic balance is thrown off.","Phoebe: You have to give us some time to figure out what to do with the demon.","Angel of Death: The demon is not my concern. I'm neutral. All I care about is maintaining the grand design, but in order to do that, I must claim the soul of the Chaplain soon. I'll be back.","(He disappears.)","Phoebe: Okay, this is what we're going to do.","Paige: No. We are not doing anything, until you deal with Leslie.","Phoebe: Paige, are you crazy? There's a demon on the loose.","Paige: You're right, but you're not dealing with it. We are, because you don't have active powers.","Phoebe: Ugh. This is ridiculous.","Piper: Look, all I know is that since you've slept with the fella, all you've been talking about is demons and vanquishings and...","Paige: And see, the thing is that Piper and I have lives. We're not on sabbatical.","Phoebe: Okay, so what do you want me to do?","Piper: Talk to Leslie.","Phoebe: Fine. I will talk to him. Paige, you figure out a way to reverse your spell. Piper, you work on the vanquishing potion and take care of that innocent. I'm gonna go talk to Leslie.","Piper: Good luck. (Phoebe leaves. Paige orbs out.) Okay, I think you should go let the Elders know what's going on.","(Arthur gains consciousness.)","Leo: I don't know if I can keep facing them, Piper.","(While Piper and Leo's backs are turned, Arthur sneaks out of the room.)","Piper: Yes, you can, Leo. You did great last time, and we really need you to do this. Please? (Leo orbs out. Piper turns around to see Arthur gone.) Oh, great.","[Scene: Hospital. Emergency Room. A doctor uses the defibrillation paddles on a patient. The monitor flat line beeps.]","Doctor: Call it. Time of death, 11:35 am.","Nurse: 11:35 am. We'll make a note of it.","(The Angel of Death stands near the door.)","Angel of Death: It's your time.","Doctor: Get his wallet. Get his I.D. Find out what happened from the paramedics.","(The Angel of Death holds out his hand.)","Angel of Death: Come.","(The patient's soul starts to rise from his body. He stops halfway.)","Patient's Soul: I can't move.","Angel of Death: What do you mean? Your time has come. Now free yourself.","(The soul returns to the patient's body. The monitor beeps.)","Nurse: Doctor!","Doctor: How in the world?","(Sirk opens the doors slightly from the outside.)","Sirk: Looks like we both have a problem.","(The Angel of Death walks out into the hallway.)","Angel of Death: How is it that you see me, demon?","Sirk: It's simple. With each life I take, I absorb whatever gifts they have.","Angel of Death: You can have your gifts. I just want my souls.","Sirk: And I want you to have them. That's why I'm here, to help. The witches, they've really screwed up the natural order, haven't they?","Angel of Death: The witches stopped one death with their spell, that's all.","Sirk: No, no, no, no, no. They've stopped many deaths, just like the one in there. Don't you see it? By messing with the grand design, they've created a bottleneck, one where death literally ceases. That's the only explanation. Perhaps by combining our vast array of gifts, you can learn how to reverse the protection spell yourself. Then we can both just move on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Lobby. Phoebe is standing in front of the elevator trying to push the button.]","Phoebe: Oh! You can do it. You can do it. Come on. I can't do it. I gotta go.","(Phoebe turns to leave. Leslie walks towards her.)","Les: Phoebe? Where have you been? I've been calling you for days.","Phoebe: Hey! Yeah, well, you know, I'm just, I'm so busy, Les. You know me, busy little bee.","(She tries to leave.)","Les: W-w-wait. Weren't you, weren't you going in?","Phoebe: No, actually, I was, I was coming out. Okay, I'll call you.","Les: No, you won't. You're, you're avoiding me.","Phoebe: I am not avoiding you. Okay. Maybe I'm avoiding you, but it's just, it's just a very, very little bit.","Les: Are you sorry about what we did upstairs? Is it...","Phoebe: No. No. I mean, you know, it was great. I mean, of course I'm not sorry, you know, but, uh, I just, I don't know. I think that maybe I feel like we don't really know each other.","Les: Look, Phoebe, what happened was... it was great.","Phoebe: Yeah.","Les: We-we didn't do anything wrong.","Phoebe: I know. I just, I don't know if I'm ready for this, whatever this could potentially be. I mean, I don't, I don't know if I'm ready for it.","Les: Because of me or because you're in trouble?","Phoebe: What, what do you mean, trouble?","Les: Some cop came by yesterday asking questions about you. FBI or something. Oh, what was his name? Um, Brody. Agent Brody.","[Scene: Police Station. Darryl's office. Darryl and Agent Brody are there.]","Darryl: I don't know what you want with me, Brody.","Agent Brody: Alright, clearly, you want to say something to me. (He puts his badge on the desk.) So go ahead. Pretend I'm not a Fed. No ranks.","(Darryl closes the door.)","Darryl: Look, I just don't want to end up like Inspector Sheridan, okay? Look, I got kids.","Agent Brody: Sheridan? She got transferred to another district, that's all.","Darryl: I saw you shoot her in the neck with a tranquilliser dart.","Agent Brody: She's fine. Trust me.","Darryl: That's just it. I don't trust you.","Agent Brody: Yeah, well, you're going to have to start, because I'm gonna need your help to get to the Halliwells.","Darryl: Not this again. No.","Agent Brody: What? You don't even know what I want with them.","Darryl: No, and I don't want to know. Look, the sisters and I may not be getting along well right now, but I sure as hell don't wish them any harm.","Agent Brody: I'm not going to harm them, okay? I just need their help.","Darryl: With what?","Agent Brody: With something. You know, if I wanted to harm them, I would've let Sheridan bust them, expose them. I have been on a trail for years that has just now led me to them, and as soon as they know that I know that they're magical and that I'm not a threat to them, they're going to have to help me. So unLess you wanna get transferred like your buddy Sheridan, I suggest you help me.","(He leaves the room.)","[Scene: Outside Doctor's building. Harriet, Arthur's wife, walks towards the front door. Arthur catches up to her and grabs her.]","Arthur: Hey.","Harriet: Oh! Art. Goodness, I didn't see you there. What are you doing here? Are you alright? You don't look so well.","Arthur: Don't worry about me. Listen, there's not a lot of time.","Harriet: Are you getting sick?","Arthur: No. I'm ... there's just so much I want to say to you, so much I have to say to you. I just wanted to see you.","Harriet: Artie, you're scaring me.","Arthur: Do you still have the keys to the safety deposit box?","Harriet: Of course I do.","Arthur: Well, everything's in there, you know, just in case something should happen to me. You know, I kind of worry about stuff like that.","Harriet: Artie, I'm... Kind of late for the doctors.","Arthur: Oh. Well, go, go, go, go.","Harriet: Are you gonna be home for dinner?","Arthur: Um... probably not. (He kisses her.) I love you.","Harriet: I love you too.","(Harriet goes into the doctors building. Arthur walks onto the sidewalk. Angel of Death is waiting there.)","Angel of Death: Arthur? I've been looking all over for you.","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper is there scrying. Paige orbs in.]","Paige: Hey.","Piper: Hi. Please tell me you found a way to reverse the spell.","Paige: No. Not without losing the chaplain, I haven't, which means the demon...","Piper: Demon will become whole. I know. But honestly, he scares me a hell of a lot Less than the Angel of Death does right now. If I don't find the chaplain...","Paige: What do you mean, find him? Where'd he go?","Piper: He ran off, and I can't find him because your spell is protecting him. (The crystal points to a spot on the map.) Or at least it was. You didn't lift the spell?","Paige: No. I told you I didn't.","Piper: Then who did?","[Cut to an alley. Angel of Death and Arthur are there. Arthur is dead on the ground. Angel of Death waves his hand over Arthur's body. Piper and Paige orb in.]","Paige: Uh, what have you done?","Angel of Death: What I should have done in the first place. I've reversed your spell and took the Chaplain's soul.","Piper: And you helped a demon in the process.","Angel of Death: On the contrary. Your demon helped me.","Piper: You can't do that. You're supposed to be neutral.","Angel of Death: Circumstances were unusual. Your spell had unforeseen consequences.","Paige: What kind of consequences?","Angel of Death: People have to die in the order on my list. If one person doesn't, all death ceases. Now I have to work overtime to collect the souls I've been unable to claim, to undo the damage you've done to the grand design.","Piper: Damage? We've done more than almost anyone to protect your grand design.","Paige: Look, we should leave it. We have a demon to go after.","Piper: We've given up a lot to make sure you have Less work. I have two kids and a business, and I still find time to fight demons, too. It's not our fault you can't keep up.","(Piper and Paige start to walk away.)","Angel of Death: That isn't my problem.","Piper: It sure as hell isn't my problem.","Paige: Stop yelling at Death!","(Piper and Paige walk across the street and Angel of Death follows.)","Piper: I don't care. He is getting on my last nerve.","Angel of Death: You witches created this mess, not me. But you're going to help me clean it up.","(He reaches out towards Piper and she falls to the ground.)","Paige: Piper?","(Some people rush over.)","Man: What happened?","Paige: I don't know. She just fell.","Man: Call 911.","(Piper appears beside her body wearing black clothes.)","Piper: What's going on? Oh, no.","Angel of Death: I told you, I need your help.","Piper: What did you do to me?","Angel of Death: It's a practical matter. If you're alive, you won't be able to help with the backlog, to take souls to where they have to go.","Piper: No. Hold it, buddy. If you...","Angel of Death: Do your job, and I'll return your soul. (The list appears in his hand.) I suggest you get going. You've a lot of catching up to do.","(He hands the list to Piper and disappears.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Street. Police cars have blocked off the street. Police are putting up crime scene tape across the street. People are standing behind the tape watching. Piper and Paige are still standing next to Piper's body.]","Piper: Well, do something.","Paige: What do you want me to do? It's easy for you to say, dude, you're dead.","Piper: Well, that's just crazy, 'cause I'm not supposed to be.","Paige: What are you yelling at me for? It's not my issue!","(An inspector walks over to them.)","Inspector: Excuse me, miss?","Piper\/Paige: Yes.","Inspector: Again, I'm sorry for your loss.","Paige: It's okay.","Piper: Could you sound a little more upset, please?","Paige: I mean, it's really sad. You know, I feel like my sister's spirit is around me.","Inspector: Of course. Now, earlier, you told the officer that you two were walking by, and your sister just fell. No warning, nothing?","Piper: Mm-hm.","Paige: Yeah, no, no, no warning.","Inspector: And you didn't happen to notice the body in the alley there, did you?","Paige: No, I didn't.","(A coroner walks up to the Inspector.)","Coroner: Uh, forensics is done. We're gonna take the bodies, if it's okay with you.","Inspector: Go ahead.","(Piper gasps.)","Piper: Where are they taking me?","Paige: Uh, where are you taking her?","Inspector: To the morgue. After the autopsy, we'll release your sister's body to you.","Piper: Oh, no, no, they can't do that, they can't do that!","Paige: Stop yelling in my ear. No. No, you can't do an autopsy because, you see, it's against our... religion.","Inspector: I'm sorry. This is a murder investigation. State law. If you think of anything that might be able to help, please, give us a call.","(He hands Paige his card and walks away.)","Piper: Okay, starting to panic.","Paige: Oh, no.","Piper: Oh, no? What could be more oh, no, than they're taking my body away for an autopsy?","Paige: Agent Brody. (Agent Brody stands across the street watching Paige.) Yeah.","Piper: What's he doing here?","Paige: Mm, probably watching me talk to myself.","[Cut to the Manor. Living room. Phoebe walks in. Paige orbs in.]","Phoebe: Paige, where have you been? I was worried.","Paige: Actually, I...","Phoebe: Did you reverse the spell?","Paige: No, but someone has.","Phoebe: Wait a minute, missy. What's going on? Where's Piper?","(Piper appears.)","Piper: Whoa.","Phoebe: Whoa, how'd you do... What are you wearing?","Piper: You didn't tell her.","Paige: No. Okay, fine. Piper's dead.","Phoebe: What?","Piper: I'm not dead. I'm Death. As if my life wasn't busy enough already.","Phoebe: What?","Paige: Okay, long story short. Um, Death has temporarily recruited Piper.","(The list appears in a puff of smoke.)","Piper: And now I have to collect all the souls on this list before the coroner starts cutting up my body.","Phoebe: Cutting up your body?","Piper: Autopsy. (Phoebe gasps. Piper sees the names change on the list.) Why are these names changing?","Paige: I don't know. Maybe we should call Leo.","Piper: Maybe we should call Death.","Phoebe: So does this mean the demon's working at full force now?","Paige: If he is, why hasn't he attacked?","Piper: Excuse me. Can we focus on the person with the non-dead problem over here?","Phoebe: Let me see that list.","Piper: Well, it...","(Phoebe takes the list from Piper.)","Phoebe: So Sirk was killing his family members to become full demon, right? So that would mean he would have to get rid of his human soul.","Paige: Huh?","Phoebe: Well, if he succeeded, Sirk's name would be on the dead list, right? And it is not.","Paige: Well, that would mean he has a family member alive somewhere.","Phoebe: Right. So we just have to track down that person before he does.","Piper: Excuse me, I have souls to collect.","(Piper disappears.)","Phoebe: Where did she go?","[Scene: Hospital. Room. Piper is watching a woman crying beside her deceased husband. The man's soul appears beside Piper and Piper jumps.]","Piper: You scared me.","Dead Man: I scared you? Who are you, and what's happening?","Piper: Well, I think you might actually be, you know, dead. I know. Bummer, huh?","Dead Man: Are you here to take me away?","Piper: I don't know. I think so. See, I'm kinda new at this.","(Suddenly, Piper and the dead man are in the ghostly plane. The double doors open and they walk into the hallway.)","Dead Man: What's happening?","Piper: Good question.","(A vortex opens in front of them.)","Dead Man: Where does that go?","Piper: I'm not sure, but I think I'm supposed to take you in there. What do you say? (She takes his hand and they walk towards the vortex.) If it makes you feel any better, I'm a little scared too.","(They walk into the vortex.)","[Scene: Underworld. Seer's Cave. The Seer and Sirk are there.]","Sirk: You lied to me!","(He throws an energy ball towards the Seer and she shimmers out. Once the energy ball passes, she shimmers back in.)","Seer: I'm a Seer. Hello? I saw that coming.","Sirk: I did everything you said. I killed every last member of my family, and yet, still, I'm part-human.","Seer: Oh, so just 'cause I can see the future, it must be my fault?","Sirk: Give me an answer!","Seer: Relax. Did you kill all of your blood relatives?","Sirk: Yes.","Seer: Every last little one?","Sirk: Do you want to join 'em?","Seer: You'd think since your first threat failed so miserably, you'd be a little bit nicer to me. You've obviously missed somebody. There has to be another.","(She waves her hand over the pool and it ripples. Sirk laughs.)","Sirk: Nice.","[Scene: Conservatory. Leo is there watching the news on TV.]","News Reporter: (on tv) It's unclear whether the death of local club impresario Piper Halliwell is related to the Death of Chaplain Arthur Casey, but police insist every possibility is being investigated. We'll have more on this story at 11:00.","(Phoebe walks in. Leo turns off the TV.)","Leo: This is really bad.","Phoebe: Leo, relax. Piper's been dead before.","Leo: Not like this, not on the midday news. What if the kids find out?","Phoebe: They're at magic school.","(Paige walks in talking on the phone.)","Paige: (on phone) We're very, very sorry, too. Thanks for your condolences. Bye. (She hangs up.) Okay, I think this is too big for even us to cover.","Phoebe: What about the Cleaners?","Leo: No, they won't help, not after last time. If Piper suddenly wakes up in the morgue, you have to explain it.","Paige: So what are we gonna do?","Phoebe: Well, we'll figure something out. We always do, and in the meantime, we have to find the demon before he kills another relative.","Paige: Okay, you know what? I'm gonna call Darryl and see if I can get him to postpone the autopsy.","Leo: I'm gonna go to magic school and stay with the kids.","(Leo orbs out. The doorbell rings.)","Phoebe: Alright, now what? (Phoebe walks into the foyer and opens the door. Leslie smiles and moves in towards Phoebe.) Leslie! (She pushes him back.) Hold it.","(She shuts the door on his face.)","Paige: I thought you dealt with him.","Phoebe: No. I said I saw him. I did not say I dealt with him.","Paige: Well, you need to get rid of him, because we have a little bit going on right now, okay?","(Phoebe goes back outside. Paige dials a number on the phone.)","[Cut to the porch.]","Les: I just can't believe it. You've gotta be in shock.","Phoebe: Uh, yeah, you know, I am, but things happen, you know?","(They sit on the stairs.)","Les: I just don't understand. Was Piper even sick?","Phoebe: No, she wasn't. It was all very sudden.","Les: You sure are handling this awfully well.","Phoebe: Yeah, well, you know, I'm okay. Uh, it's hard, but I'm trying to stay strong for Paige.","Les: I understand.","Phoebe: There's just so much to do.","Les: Well, can I help with anything?","Phoebe: I don't even know where to start.","Les: Well, it's always good to start with people you need to contact. I could help make a list.","Phoebe: Wait, what did you just say?","Les: Make a list, you know, friends, family. People like that.","(Paige walks outside.)","Paige: Phoebe, um, can we talk?","Phoebe: Yes. Just one second. (to Leslie) Thank you so much for coming by. I really appreciate it.","(They stand up.)","Les: I thought I was gonna help you make a list and...","Phoebe: Yeah, I just really need to spend some time with my sister, you know.","Les: Well, of course. Um, just call me if you need anything.","Phoebe: I will. I will, definitely. Thanks. (Phoebe quickly kisses Leslie.) Okay. Bye! Bye.","(Leslie leaves.)","Paige: Okay, I struck out with Darryl.","Phoebe: It doesn't matter. I think I know how to find out who the demon's going after next.","Paige: How?","Phoebe: Piper's list. The name will be on it. Come on.","(They go into the house.)","[Scene: Chapel. Harriet is sitting on the pew. Sirk sits on the pew behind her.]","Sirk: Harriet?","Harriet: Do I know you?","Sirk: We've never met. I'm Arthur's cousin, Kevin. But you can call me Sirk. (He removes his hood. Harriet is frightened and tries to leave. He grabs her arm.) Ah, so it's true. You are going to be a mother.","Harriet: How did you know?","Sirk: I have many gifts, and unfortunately for you, I just need one more. (Harriet pulls away from him. He creates an energy ball. Piper appears beside Harriet.) Oh, no, you can't interfere. You're neutral.","Piper: You're right. I can't. But they can.","(Phoebe and Paige orb in behind Sirk. Sirk turns around and Phoebe kicks him in the face. He falls to the floor. Phoebe and Paige go over to Harriet.)","Paige: It's okay. You're gonna be alright.","(Paige orbs Phoebe and Harriet out. Sirk stands up.)","Sirk: So how did you...","Piper: Know? I saw her name on the list. (The list appears in a puff of smoke in Piper's hand.) But it's not there anymore.","Sirk: It will be again. One way or another.","(Sirk shimmers out. Piper looks at the list and \"Phoebe Halliwell\" appears at the top of the To Die column.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Magic School. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are there.]","Phoebe: Wait, so now you don't want me to help you vanquish the demon? I don't understand.","Piper: Phoebe, that's not the issue.","Phoebe: Names come and go off that list all the time. Harriet's did. So what's the big deal?","Piper: The big deal is sometimes the names don't come off the list.","Phoebe: Well, ours does.","Piper: Not always.","(Leo walks in.)","Paige: How's it going?","Leo: She's resting. It's a lot to swallow. Your husband's dead, magic exists, and by the way, a demon's after you. How you guys holding up here?","Piper: Fine. Once Phoebe realises that she's better off here where she's safe.","Paige: Oh, here they go again.","Phoebe: We've cheated death before, Piper. So why can't we do it again?","Piper: Because we can't this time. I can't.","Paige: Maybe you should just listen to her.","Phoebe: Maybe she should focus on collecting the souls so her death isn't permanent.","Piper: This is going nowhere.","(Piper starts to leave.)","Leo: Where are you going?","Piper: I'm not in the mood to lose another sister.","(She disappears.)","Phoebe: So what's our next move?","Paige: Our next move is for you to stay here because you are on top of the list, you have no active powers, and Leo and I are just going to go take care of the demon. Honey, you just need to accept it.","(Paige and Leo orb out.)","[Scene: Hospital. Piper is standing there. Angel of Death appears.]","Piper: I'm not doing this anymore. I give up. I quit.","Angel of Death: You can't quit, Piper. Not until you catch up.","Piper: You can't make me take my sister's soul. I won't do it.","Angel of Death: We don't get to decide who lives or dies. Only circumstances can change someone's fate.","Piper: Well, then I won't collect any more souls. I'll go on strike.","Angel of Death: So to save your sister, you would threaten to stop all death.","Piper: You got it.","Angel of Death: That's rather selfish of you, don't you think? Unless, of course, you think that death is pointless.","Piper: Well, I...","Angel of Death: It's not, you know. Far from it. Life only has meaning specifically because there is an end. Death is what forces people to live.","Piper: Yes, but...","Angel of Death: Which means that ending death effectively ends life, throws off the entire cosmic design, the whole point, and for what? A single fleeting life? This is bigger than your sister, Piper. Much bigger.","[Scene: Underworld. Seer's Cave. The Seer and Sirk are there.]","Sirk: The sisters had Death's list. They knew who I was trying to kill.","Seer: And you knew about the woman's unborn child. Foreknowledge is a bitch sometimes.","Sirk: But it didn't help me. I'm so close to losing this foul human soul, but the Charmed Ones still thwart me.","Seer: Well, they are the Charmed Ones, and they're pretty good with the thwarting.","Sirk: I want to peel the flesh from their bones while they still live.","Seer: Okay, just because we're demons doesn't mean we always have to be so eww.","Sirk: Just tell me how to defeat them.","Seer: And you'll stop with the gross flesh peely talk? Because there is an old Seer's trick that might be able to help you here.","Sirk: Oh, like you helped last time.","Seer: Hey, premonitions don't come with a guarantee, okay? Do you want my help or not? See. Whenever someone knows the future, you can always get the drop on them by knowing the future too. (She waves her hand over the pool and it ripples.) So you can change it.","[Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige and Leo are there. Paige is making a potion. Piper appears.]","Piper: Where's Phoebe?","Paige: She's back at Magic School.","Piper: But she's still on my list, and she's next.","Leo: What happened with the Angel of Death?","Piper: He's stubborn. Did you find Sirk?","Paige: No, he found us. Telepathically. He wants to call a truce.","Piper: It's a trap. We need to keep Phoebe at magic school long enough...","(Phoebe walks in.)","Phoebe: It's too late.","Piper: Phoebe? What are you doing here?","Phoebe: Remembering what we're all about.","Piper: What we're all about is keeping you alive.","Phoebe: Not at the expense of an innocent.","Piper: Phoebe, this death thing might not be very real to you, but it is very real to me. I've seen it. I am it.","Phoebe: Piper, we've all seen it, and it's never stopped us before.","Piper: That's before we knew you were next on the list. Why are you not listening to me? I'm trying to save you.","Phoebe: Because this isn't just about me. Look, I don't wanna die, but I'm not gonna sit around and wait for an innocent to die either. And I think that's why I needed to take that sabbatical. To remind myself of that. (Piper disappears.) Are you finished with the vanquishing potion?","Paige: Well, yeah, but...","Phoebe: Paige, he doesn't know we know. We're gonna use this to our advantage. When he focuses on me, you just focus on him.","[Scene: Alley. Sirk is waiting there. Phoebe and Leo orb in.)","Sirk: Interesting. I was expecting more of a family affair, like, perhaps your other sister.","Phoebe: You wanted to discuss a truce? Discuss.","Sirk: Alright. Here's the offer. You give me my cousin's wife, and I won't kill you.","Phoebe: That's it? That's your offer, huh? No deal. Forget it.","Sirk: In that case, I guess I'll just have to kill... (He turns around and shoots a lighting bolt at Paige.) Her. (Phoebe and Leo run over to Paige. Leo tries to heal her.) Didn't see that coming, did you?","(Sirk disappears.)","Phoebe: Why isn't it working?","Leo: We're too late.","Phoebe: What do you mean?","(Piper appears. Paige's soul rises out of her body. She stands next to Piper.)","Paige: What's going on? Why am I in this?","Phoebe: Piper, do something.","Piper: I can't.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Alley. Continued from before.]","Phoebe: Piper, you can't do this. You can't take her.","Piper: Do you think I want to take her? I don't have a choice.","Phoebe: Yes, you do. Just don't take her. Take me instead.","Leo: That's not how it works, Phoebe.","Phoebe: I was on the list.","Piper: Circumstances changed.","Phoebe: Yeah, because I changed them. It's not her fault.","Piper: It's not anybody's fault.","(Piper and Paige appear in the ghostly plane.)","Paige: This isn't good, right?","Piper: I'm so sorry, Paige. It's much easier if you just let go.","(The vortex opens up. They walk towards it.)","Paige: Where does that go?","Piper: To where you're supposed to go. Don't be afraid. I'll be with you the whole way.","[Cut to Phoebe and Leo.]","Phoebe: Oh, god, this can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening. (Phoebe receives a premonition. In the premonition, Harriet is running from Sirk.) I think I just had a premonition.","Leo: What? How?","Phoebe: I don't know. I must have earned back my powers somehow, or at least one of them. (Phoebe takes a potion out of Paige's hand.) We have to save Harriet.","[Scene: Magic School. Sirk and Harriet are there.]","Harriet: How did you get in here? She told me it was...","Sirk: Protected. Oh, it is. From demons, not witches. That's just another little gift I picked up when I killed one of the sisters, uh... Paige, I think her name was. (He creates an energy ball.) Do say hello to her for me, won't you? (Phoebe and Leo orb in behind Sirk. Phoebe throws the potion at Sirk and he is engulfed in flames. Harriet runs over to Phoebe and Leo. Sirk turns back to his human self.) I'm human!","(He falls to the floor, dead. Angel of Death appears.)","Angel of Death: Interesting how our paths keep crossing, isn't it?","(Kevin's soul rises out of his body.)","Sirk: What happened?","Angel of Death: Come.","Phoebe: Ah-ah-ah! Not so fast. I want Paige's soul back.","Angel of Death: Sorry. You know the rules.","Phoebe: Yeah, I do, better than you think. Check your list. He's not on it. (His list appears in his hand.) We changed the circumstances.","Angel of Death: First, you want to stop a soul from moving on, and now you want to add one.","Leo: Not add. Trade. His soul for Paige's.","Angel of Death: This is unprecedented.","Sirk: What? No, you can't do that.","Phoebe: Keeps your precious cosmic balance in order, doesn't it? What have you got to lose?","Sirk: You can't be taking her seriously.","Phoebe: Dude, you're dead. Start acting the part.","Angel of Death: This has been quite a remarkable day. Even for me.","Phoebe: So what do you say? Do we have a deal?","[Cut to Piper and Paige. They are standing in front of the vortex.]","Paige: Piper. I have something to tell you.","Piper: Paige...","Paige: You know that brown suede coat? You thought you lost it but, um, it's in my closet. And those earrings you liked. I borrowed them and I never gave them back.","Piper: You're stalling.","Paige: I know. But you can't blame a girl for trying.","(Angel of Death and Sirk appear behind them.)","Angel of Death: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Your sister made a trade. (The Angel of Death hits Sirk and he flies into the vortex. The vortex closes.) See you.","(The Angel of Death disappears.)","[Cut to the alley. Paige's body is still laying on the ground. Her fingers twitch and Paige wakes up.]","[Cut to the hospital. Morgue. Several bodies are laying on gurneys covered with sheets. One body moves and sits up and pulls the sheet from their face. It's Piper.]","Piper: Ooh.","(She gasps when she sees Agent Brody sitting in the corner.)","Agent Brody: Talk about your miracle recoveries.","Piper: What are you doing here?","Agent Brody: Confirming my suspicions. Confirming that magic really does exist, even though I don't quite understand it yet.","Piper: What do you want?","Agent Brody: I want to help you get out of this mess. I want to tell the local authorities that you were working undercover for me to help solve the chaplain murder. I want to tell them that I asked you to fake your own death.","Piper: What's the catch?","Agent Brody: The catch is that I'm going to need your help with something even greater. I'll be in touch.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Manor. Outside. Leslie walks up the stairs and reaches out to press the doorbell. He stops.]","Les: Oh, forget this. (He walks back down the stairs and Phoebe walks towards him.) You didn't just see all that, did you?","(She smiles and nods.)","Phoebe: It's okay. It's probably what I looked like yesterday at the elevator.","Les: Good. So we're even?","Phoebe: Even. So...","Les: So, let me get this straight. Your sister owns a nightclub, but she also moonlights as a government agent?","Phoebe: Yeah. Kinda weird, huh?","Les: And how often does she do that?","Phoebe: Oh, not-not often at all. I mean, you know, that was just a one time thing, very unique situation.","Les: Well, at least that explains why that Fed was looking for you and why you weren't broken up when I came to see you.","Phoebe: Yeah, I wanted to tell you, but I...","Les: No, look, I-I understand.","Phoebe: And I really appreciate you coming by to see if I was okay. That was sweet.","Les: I care about you, Phoebe. A lot.","Phoebe: I like you too. I, uh, I just don't know where we go from here.","Les: Neither do I. Maybe we should just see where it takes us.","Phoebe: I'd like that.","(She hugs him.)","[Cut to inside the Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Leo and the kids are there. Leo sits next to Piper on the wicker seat.]","Leo: Want anything?","Piper: No. Just this.","(She snuggles close to Leo and they watch their children.)"],"Show Title":"Charmed","Episode Number":"07x05","Episode Title":"Styx Feet Under","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"SpicyAlejandra"},{"File Name":"Charmed_08x03.json","Recap":["Looking for a new career path, Piper goes on an interview with a corporate recruiter, but is soon arrested when a background check reveals that the physical appearance she adopted was that of a model wanted for murder. In fact, the model was innocent, framed by her obsessive and evil ex-boyfriend who is a crooked assistant District Attorney on the take reacting to being abandoned and set her up least she give evidence against her. The Charmed Ones, with Bille's help, must come up with a plan to save her once they switch her into Piper's jail cell and discover the truth. Consequently, they intervene first to prevent her murder and then taking inspiration from none other than the Demon of Fear, Barbas-conceive a plot to have the District Attorney implicate himself on tape in the murder, freeing his ex-lover from the threat of retribution."],"Transcript":["[TRIQUETRA]","ROSE MCGOWAN (NARRATOR): Previously on Charmed ...","FLASH IN.","[Scene from 8X01: Still Charmed and Kicking]","[INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY]","(Phoebe adds a pinch of something to the potions pot. The contents explode and a cloud of white smoke rises up.)","PHOEBE: Voila. New identities. (Phoebe and the others turn and look at their reflection in the mirrors. They each see their 'new' selves.)","VICTOR BENNETT: How is it you can see your other selves reflected in the mirror?","PHOEBE: It's part of the spell.","PIPER: You know, this just might work.","[Scene from 8X02: Malice in Wonderland]","[INT. BILLIE'S DORM ROOM -- DAY]","(Paige talks with Billie Jenkins.)","PAIGE: What's your name, anyway?","BILLIE JENKINS: Billie.","PAIGE: How long have you been a witch?","BILLIE JENKINS: Not that long. Just up till really recently, I noticed I had","these --these powers. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO:","[Scene from 8X01: Still Charmed and Kicking]","[CLOSE: KITCHEN DOOR]","(Phoebe and Paige poke their heads out of the kitchen doorway.)","PAIGE: Who is he?","PHOEBE: I don't know his name. It's some guy that I used to see in the","elevator all the time at work.","[INT. THE BAY MIRROR - HALLWAY\/ELEVATOR - DAY]","(Phoebe and Dex Lawson meet.)","PHOEBE: I'm Julie, Phoebe's cousin.","DEX LAWSON: Dex. Dex Lawson.","TRIQUETRA FLASH TO:","[Scene from 8X02: Malice in Wonderland]","[INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- DAY]","(Paige is scrying when she gives Phoebe the message.)","PAIGE: Hey, the paper called for you.","PHOEBE: Really? What did they want?","PAIGE: Well, I think they want to talk to you -- or cousin you.","[INT. THE BAY MIRROR - PHOEBE'S OFFICE -- DAY]","(Phoebe is typing on the computer. Voice Over is from earlier in the episode.)","PHOEBE: (v.o.) Apparently the newspaper's having a hard time. Getting the","advice column out, so they asked me to help out a little bit, which I thought was kind of weird, but I said sure.","[INT. THE BAY MIRROR - BULLPEN -- DAY]","(Phoebe looks at Dex Lawson.)","PHOEBE: Did you have some -","DEX LAWSON: I ran into your editor in the elevator, told her I thought you","might be able to help.","FADE TO","END OF PREVIOUSLY ON","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - PIPER'S BEDROOM - MORNING]","(Piper is digging through her closet while Leo and Paige lean up against the doorway waiting for her to pick something to wear.)","LEO: Piper, you're gonna be late.","PAIGE: I can orb you.","PIPER: No. No. We -- No orb. We drive like normal people.","PAIGE: Yeah, well, normal people get stuck in traffic jams.","PIPER: Did you put my silver earrings back after you borrowed them?","PAIGE: Piper, you're stalling.","PIPER: I am not stalling.","(Piper walks out of the closet.)","LEO: Wow. You look great.","PAIGE: It's okay if you're scared. It's understandable.","PIPER: I'm not scared.","PAIGE: Oh, yeah, right. That's why you changed outfits three times.","PIPER: All right, well, maybe I am a little nervous. (She puts her jacket on.)","I don't really know why I'm doing this, anyway.","LEO: You're doing this because it's what you want to do. Look, if you get nothing else out of being dead to the world ...","PAIGE: And to the underworld ...","LEO: At least you went out and you tried something new. You know? You expanded your horizons.","PIPER: Who writes your stuff?","PAIGE: The thing is, you just need to relax a little. Okay, Piper? It's just an interview.","PIPER: With a corporate headhunter who's going to, what, get me a job at IBM? I don't think so.","PAIGE: I thought you wanted this.","PIPER: No, actually, it was dad's idea. He set it up.","LEO: Because he knew you wanted to try something new.","PIPER: No. I am perfectly happy running P3.","LEO: You were not happy last week about anything.","PIPER: One little meltdown. Okay? I'm allowed.","PAIGE: Okay, look, the point is, you've got a new lease on life. We all do. And you need to just take your own advice. You know? Get out there. See if there's other people you want to mingle with and talk to.","PIPER: Mm-hmm. And what about all the demons in the world?","PAIGE: We've got Billie for that.","PIPER: And she's just a kid. What if she can't handle it?","PAIGE: She will. She's learning, and I've got her upstairs studying right now.","LEO: Yeah, and -- and as far as the play date, you know, I got it covered.","PIPER: I know. But really, little Kenny is -","LEO: ... is allergic to peanut butter. I know. You told me. You're stalling.","(Piper turns and looks at her 'new' image in the mirror.)","PIPER: I just wish I didn't feel like such a fraud.","PAIGE: All you need to do is remember the you that's on the inside. Okay? And","besides ... who's gonna figure it out ... Jenny.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[FLASH FORWARD]","(From the Halliwell Manor, we travel up and across San Francisco City.)","[EXT. ALLEY -- DAY]","(Inspector Parker has his gun pointed at a blonde-haired woman who looks incredibly like \"Jenny,\" Piper's new identity.)","LIEUTENANT PARKER: Put your hands on your head. Now!","MAYA HOLMES: Je n'ai rien fait!","(With her hands raised, she turns around to look at Inspector Parker.)","MAYA HOLMES: Vous devez me confondre avec quelqu'un d'autre.","LIEUTENANT PARKER: Save it, Maya! I know you understand me. You're under","arrest for murder. (She kicks the gun out of his hands, then turn and kicks him again in the face, bringing him down to his knees. He falls to the floor, out cold.)","(She kneels down and picks up the gun.)","MAYA HOLMES: Damn you.","(She sighs and leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","END OF TEASER","ROLL TITLE CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO (STOCK) - DAY]","[EXT. MANOR -- DAY]","(It's a bright sunny day, when a loud explosion sounds, shaking the entire house.)","[INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- DAY]","(Paige runs into the attic.)","PAIGE: Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!","(She coughs.)","PAIGE: Are you okay?","(Books are strewn on the floor around Billie. Paige helps her up.)","BILLIE JENKINS: (groans) Ohhh ... yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm--I'm","okay. I'm ... whooh! That was, uh, that was awesome!","(Billie is amazed by the magic.)","PAIGE: Awesome? You almost blew the house up! How's that awesome?","BILLIE: Oh, just the attic. Besides, this place is a wreck. Do you guys ever","put anything away?","PAIGE: You were just supposed to be ... reading.","BILLIE: That's all I was doing!","PAIGE: Well, then what happened?!","BILLIE: I don't know. Remember, I'm very, very new at this.","PAIGE: Unhh!","(Paige picks up the Book of Shadows' bookstand and figures out what Billie did.)","PAIGE: You read a spell out loud, didn't you?","BILLIE: Yes, I read out loud.","PAIGE: That is not reading. That is chanting. And that ... uhh! (She picks up","the Book of Shadows.) ... is how things go boom!","(She slams the Book of Shadows onto the bookstand.)","BILLIE: Okay, cool. Lesson learned. What's next?","PAIGE: What's next ... is that you go back to college and take a break from all","this.","BILLIE: Why? It was just one little mistake. Haven't you heard of the learning curve? (Paige glares at her.) Look, I'm here because you need me, right? So you girls can go have a normal life while I go kick some demon ass. So the more you teach me, the more I can get out there and go do my thing.","PAIGE: The first thing you're gonna be doing is cleaning up your mess.","(Paige shoves a book in Billie's hands.)","BILLIE: Well, why? Can't you just cast a spell and make it pick itself up?","PAIGE: That would be something called personal gain, which is something we","don't do. Okay? Plus, we want to keep the use of magic to a minimum so the demons don't find out we're still alive.","BILLIE: Oh. Okay. Yeah. Three chicks move in under the same roof. Hello. How dumb can they be? (Paige shoves another object in her hands.) Sorry.","PAIGE: Look, I get the spells and witchcraft and potions. They're really fun. It was not long ago that I was kinda going through the same thing, learning the ropes. But here's the deal. It's actually really dangerous. And until you respect that, you're not gonna really, truly learn anything.","BILLIE: Okay. You're right. You're right. I will. I will respect it. I promise.","PAIGE: Thank you.","BILLIE: So, when can we go vanquish demons?","(Paige rolls her eyes at Billie.)","PHOEBE: (v.o.) Hey, don't look at me. You're the Whitelighter.","[INT. THE BAY MIRROR - PHOEBE' OFFICE - DAY]","(Phoebe is in her office, sitting behind her desk and putting on her make-up. Her door is shut and blinders drawn. She's on the speaker phone with Paige.)","PHOEBE: (to phone) Yes, I realize she's there to help us all, Paige, but I'm working. And you'll be, too, soon as she gets her stuff together. You know?","ASSISTANT: (from intercom) Julie, Dex Lawson here to see you.","PHOEBE: (to phone) Oh, I gotta go. I gotta go. My future husband's here. My future husband's here. I gotta go. I'll see you at lunch. See you at lunch.","(She pushes the disconnect button just as the door opens. Dex Lawson peers in.)","DEX LAWSON: Bad time?","PHOEBE: No. This is a great time. Come on in. (She motions him inside.)","Wanna sit?","DEX LAWSON: I can't. I gotta get back to work. I just wanted to stop by and see how the new job's going.","PHOEBE: The new job? Oh! Right. I'm sorry. I completely blanked. Uh, it's ... great. It's like I've been here for years.","DEX LAWSON: Yeah, well, it shows. Sound just like her.","PHOEBE: Who?","DEX LAWSON: Phoebe? You know, the column ... Advice ...","PHOEBE: Oh. Right. Of course.","DEX LAWSON: Yeah. I mean it, Julie. It's uncanny. It's ... it's ... almost like you're channeling her or something.","PHOEBE: Well, I'm gonna have to work on that, 'cause that's kinda weird, huh? So ... you called about something?","DEX LAWSON: Uh, yes, I did. Um ... how do you feel about art shows?","PHOEBE: Well, that depends on the art.","DEX LAWSON: How do you feel about my art?","PHOEBE: I love it.","DEX LAWSON: Good answer. Um ... look, I know we've only gone out a couple times, but, uh ... I mean, I was just wondering if, uh ...","PHOEBE: I'd love to.","DEX LAWSON: Love to what?","PHOEBE: Love to come to your art show tonight. If ... that's what you were asking.","DEX LAWSON: I was trying to. How'd you know?","PHOEBE: I'm psychic.","(Phoebe playfully touches his shoulder. She's suddenly hit with a premonition.)","(Quick flash to: [INT. DEX'S LOFT\/GALLERY] At the art show that night, there's","an earthquake and Dex's art work smash to the ground and break into pieces. End of premonition.)","(Phoebe stares at him, a little shaken by the vision.)","DEX LAWSON: What happened?","PHOEBE: The earth moved.","PIPER: (v.o.) Sometimes life just throws you a curve ball,","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LANDER & ASSOCIATES -- CORPORATE OFFICES -- DAY]","(Piper is in the middle of her job interview.)","PIPER: ... and I'm Piper's cousin, so somebody had to step in to take care of","the kids.","HARPER JENNINGS: Of course. That's very noble of you. Still, how do you expect to work full-time if --","PIPER: Oh. Well, I have two other cousins who can pitch in, and the boys, um ... well, they have a man around. Another cousin. By marriage. My marriage. I'm married.","HARPER JENNINGS: It's all on the application. Isn't it?","PIPER: Yes. Yes. It's -- it's all here, Ms. Bennet.","PIPER: Uh, Jenny.","HARPER JENNINGS: Jenny.","PIPER: I'm wasting your time.","HARPER JENNINGS: No, no. No. It's not that at all. Um ... your resume's ... very impressive. Really. Anybody Victor vouches for is all right by me. It's just ...","PIPER: Just what?","HARPER JENNINGS: Well, frankly, I get the impression you don't really want to be here.","PIPER: Oh, no. No. That's not true. Really. Well ... maybe it's a little bit true.","HARPER JENNINGS: But ...","PIPER: (sighs) Honestly, I really don't know what I'm doing with my life at the moment. This change ... this ... tragedy ... it's really forced me to open my eyes and see just how far my life got off track. And after a while, it just seemed like one big battle after another.","HARPER JENNINGS: Oh, yes-- the metaphorical battles we face each day.","PIPER: Yeah. Except mine were a little more literal. But my point is, I'm here because I want to find myself again. I want to dedicate part of my life to a new purpose. And, really, I work very hard, and I'm very good with people.","HARPER JENNINGS: You don't have to sell yourself on me, Jenny.","PIPER: I don't?","HARPER JENNINGS: No. The credentials speak for themselves. Besides ... you're honest ... straightforward. Very important traits every high-level exec should have.","PIPER: High-level exec?","HARPER JENNINGS: That's where I'd place you based on everything I'm seeing here.","(He takes out a digital camera.)","HARPER JENNINGS: Smile. (He takes her photo.) It's for the background check.","It's pro forma.","PIPER: Background check? (From behind the desk, we're given a glimpse of the computer screen. The digital photo he took is already on the monitor showing Piper's 'new' look.)","HARPER JENNINGS: Give me a couple of days, see what I can come up with ... and we'll meet again Wednesday. Is that all right?","PIPER: Are you kidding? That's great. Thank you.","(Piper stands up and shakes his hand.)","HARPER JENNINGS: Sure.","(Piper turns and leaves the office.)","(Harper Jennings presses the enter key and Piper's photo and information are mailed off for the background check.)","[INSERT: CGI EFX]","(The information zooms through the computer circuitry, through the cables and into the computer at BSI Background Security, Inc.)","[INT. BSI -- SECURITY -- DAY]","(The e-mail with Piper's new identity opens on the computer monitor.)","(The technician who is eating a hoagie sandwich, sits up in his chair, presses the buttons on the keyboard and waits for a response.) (The computer searches and comes up with a mug shot photo for:","METRO PD","HOLMES, MAYA","6851B-275 )","(The technician reaches for the phone and makes the call.)","TECHNICIAN: (to phone) We've got a problem.","PIPER: (v.o.) Actually, it wasn't a problem at all.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. OUTSIDE OFFICES -- DAY]","(Piper steps out into the sidewalk. She's talking on the phone with Leo.)","PIPER: (to phone) It went a lot better than I thought it would.","INTERCUT WITH:","[INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY]","(Leo is standing in the conservatory doorway. Wyatt and the other children are playing in the room behind him.)","LEO: I won't say I told you so.","PIPER: Good. Don't. How's the Motley Crew?","(He glances behind to check.)","LEO: Uh, they're doing fine. They're enjoying their sundaes as we speak.","PIPER: Actually, I was talking about the moms. Be careful of Eve. She can","kind of be ...","LEO: (interrupts) Piper ...","PIPER: What?","LEO: I can handle it. Enjoy your lunch. Celebrate.","PIPER: Celebrate what?","LEO: Your new life.","(Amused, Leo hangs up and steps into the conservatory with the other moms.)","VIVIAN: Uh, use your words, sweetie.","(Leo sits down in the chair with the other moms.)","VIVIAN: Uh! I swear, if Edith stands up one more time at PTA, she's gotta go.","DARK-HAIRED WOMAN: Get rid of her. Cement shoe city.","SHORT-HAIRED WOMAN: She's joking, of course.","LEO: Oh, I get it. Just pretend I'm one of the gals.","(One of the children starts whining.)","VIVIAN: Mommy said use your words. Oh, does this agro stage ever stop?","SHORT-HAIRED WOMAN: Not if you're like my husband ...","EVE: Believe it or not, some men are sensitive. (to Leo) Look at you and what","you're doing. Taking care of your cousin's kids.","LEO: It's what family does.","EVE: Yeah, but most men wouldn't set aside their career for the sake of the children. God, I just -- I really admire you.","(She gives Leo a smoldering look.)","(The whining child continues to whine.)","VIVIAN: Ok, enough. (She reaches out and picks up her son.) I'm sorry,","sweetie, but mommy told you if you can't use it safely, she's taking it away. Come on.","EVE: And all on your own. No ring. You're not married?","LEO: Oh, um, actually, it's a long story.","(Eve's son comes running up to her. He's carrying a bowl of ice cream.)","TOMMY: Mommy! Mommy! Oh!","(He trips. The bowl of ice cream flies out of his hands and lands squarely on Leo's shirt.) (The other women watch","EVE: Oh, God, I am so sorry.","TOMMY: Oops.","LEO: It's okay. It was -- it was an accident.","EVE: Here. Let me clean that off. (She takes a napkin and dabs at the ice cream mess on his shirt while her other hand rests on Leo's thigh.)","(The other women watch, fully aware of what Eve's doing.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. STREET -- DAY]","(Police cars screech to a halt in front of the office building. Inspector Parker exits the car. He's on his radio,)","LIEUTENANT PARKER: Suspect is considered armed and dangerous. Approach with extreme caution and on my orders only. We don't want any civilians hurt. Copy that.","VOICE: (from radio) Copy that, lieutenant.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. OUTDOOR CAF\u00c9 -- DAY]","(Piper, Phoebe and Paige sit at an outside caf\u00e9 table eating lunch.)","PIPER: I don't know. I'm just not used to it, I guess.","PHOEBE: What, feeling happy?","PIPER: No. I mean, the guy's probably just blowing smoke anyway. He's","probably not gonna call with any real opportunities.","PHOEBE: Now that's the old Piper we all know and love.","PAIGE: Jenny.","PHOEBE: Nobody's listening. And nobody cares. That's the beauty of it.","PAIGE: You know what? I hear that Dex cares.","(Paige makes kissy noises at Phoebe.)","PHOEBE: Yeah, until the earthquake destroys everything he's ever worked for.","PIPER: What earthquake?","PHOEBE: I mean, talk about ruining a moment.","PAIGE: What moment?","PHOEBE: You know, the moment. When you look into each other's eyes and you can","feel the romance and the passion ... the desire.","PAIGE: (wistfully) It's been such a very long moment since I've had a moment.","PHOEBE: I mean, how am I supposed to marry a guy that I don't even know without having the moment?","PIPER: But really, back to this earthquake.","PAIGE: Maybe your premonition was so you could stop it from happening.","PHOEBE: How am I supposed to stop an earthquake?","PIPER: 5.5, 6, 7? What are we talking about here?","PHOEBE: How am I supposed to know?","LIEUTENANT PARKER: (o.s.) Maya Holmes! (Behind them, Lieutenant Parker and a couple of officers have their guns on Piper.)","LIEUTENANT PARKER: This is the police! Stand up and put your hands on your head! (Through the reflection in the glass window, we see what everyone else sees - the girls with their new looks sitting at the table.)","(Piper and Phoebe look around, confused.)","PAIGE: (to Piper) I think they're talking to you.","(Sure enough, there's a row of police officers with their guns on Piper.)","(Piper puts her hands up in the air in surrender.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(COMMERCIAL SET)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. POLICE STATION (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. POLICE STATION - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]","(Paige and Phoebe are in an interview room. Phoebe's pacing the floor while closing her cell phone.)","PAIGE: Oh ... got somewhere you need to be?","PHOEBE: Oh, you know, I just need to stop an earthquake.","PAIGE: Phoebe!","PHOEBE: What? It was your idea, Paige.","PAIGE: Yeah, that was before Piper got arrested for murder. (The door opens and the guard escorts Piper into the room. Piper is in a prison orange jumpsuit.)","PHOEBE: Oh, my God.","GUARD: Five minutes. Make 'em count.","(Piper sits down as the guard leaves them alone.)","PAIGE: Oh, honey, orange is so not your color.","PHOEBE: (groans) Paige!","PAIGE: What? It's true. Ok, don't worry because we've fought demons, we've","fought warlocks. This is just a minor blip.","PIPER: I don't think so! They think I'm somebody else.","PHOEBE: Well, you are somebody else.","PIPER: No, but I'm not a fugitive. That's not the alias that I picked. At least not intentionally. Now have you called Darryl?","PHOEBE: We did and we left him a message, but he's on the east coast now, so I don't think he's gonna be able to help us.","PAIGE: Well, how did you choose this disguise anyway?","PIPER: (sighs) I don't know. I just did.","PAIGE: Well, you had to have gotten it somewhere. You couldn't have just plucked it out of the cosmos.","PIPER: Well, no, I guess not.","PHOEBE: Okay, you have to try to remember. You must have seen her face somewhere. Maybe TV or internet or the newspaper. Something. Think.","PIPER: Maybe it was a magazine.","PHOEBE: A magazine. Okay, good. Any idea which magazine?","PIPER: Well, how am I supposed to know? One of the ones you all have laying around the house.","PAIGE: And you're going where with this?","PHOEBE: Well, I'm just thinking if we could find the picture that inspired her, then we can use that to scry for the real Maya.","PIPER: And then helps me how exactly?","PHOEBE: Well, because we'll orb you out and orb her back in. Get the real killer behind bars.","PIPER: Phoebe, you can't orb me out of jail!","PHOEBE: Yeah, I think we can. If we do it simultaneously, nobody will ever know.","PAIGE: Yeah, and you've got your own cell, so there's no exposure risk.","PIPER: Yes, but --","PHOEBE: No buts! This is what we're gonna do I'm gonna go to the newspaper and search the archives for Maya. You go home and look through magazines.","PAIGE: Got it. Oh, just so you know, I saw a documentary on prison once. You're gonna be just fine. All you have to do is keep your eyes low and your shoulders high. We're gonna have you out of that unflattering color in no time. (Paige pats Piper's shoulder on her way out. Phoebe also adds her two cents before following Paige.)","PHOEBE: Show no fear.","(The door closes behind them, leaving Piper alone in the room.)","[INT. JAIL - HOLDING CELL - DAY]","(Piper is in her cell. She whispers to the guard.)","PIPER: Um, I thought I was gonna be alone.","GUARD: Now you've got company. Play nice.","(The guard turns and leaves. Piper turns around and looks at her cell mate. Piper smiles.)","JAX: What are you smiling at?","(The smile vanishes from Piper's face.)","PIPER: Me? I didn't smile. I--I wasn't looking at nothing, I didn't smile at","nothing, I'm not doing nothing.","(She turns around.)","PIPER: Okay ... (to herself) Eyes low, shoulders high. (croaks) Leo?","(Piper bangs her head against the cell bars.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - KITCHEN -- DAY]","(Leo is standing over the kitchen sink in his undershirt while Eve has her hands in the sink washing Leo's shirt.)","LEO: You know, you really don't have to do that.","EVE: I insist. It's the least I can do seeing as how my Tommy made the mess. Are you sure that undershirt isn't dirty, too? Why don't we wash it?","(Eve grabs the hem of Leo's shirt and start to lift it up.)","LEO: Uh, you know, I could just throw it in the washing machine.","EVE: Nonsense. Here, let me.","(Leo tries to keep his shirt on and they both chuckle . In the back, Paige walks into the kitchen.)","PAIGE: Hey there. Excuse me. Am I, um, interrupting anything?","LEO: Uh - uh -- Jo - mmm -- Eve, Jo, Jenny's cousin.","PAIGE: So, uh, Louis, may I speak to you for a second? (She smiles at him and crooks her finger for him to come to her. Leo chuckles wryly and walks out. Paige follows him.)","[INT. MANOR - DINING ROOM \/ SITTING ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(They walk through the dining room to the sitting room.)","PAIGE: What the hell are you doing?","LEO: What do you mean, what am I doing, huh? I gave the kids some sundaes and","Eve's little son Tommy spilt on me. (Paige sits down on the couch and grabs a table magazine. She starts flipping through it.)","PAIGE: Yeah, whatever. Okay, why don't you just explain that to your wife after we get her out of jail.","LEO: Jail?","PAIGE: Mm-hmm. If you weren't so busy flirting, maybe you would know about that already.","LEO: Look, I wasn't flirting, okay? It was Eve. You know what? Never mind, okay? What is going on?","PAIGE: What happened is that Piper chose the wrong disguise, which unfortunately she found out after she was arrested for murder.","LEO: Murder?","PAIGE: Yes, and apparently, she thinks she got her alias out of a picture in one of these magazines.","LEO: Wait a second.","PAIGE: Look, I don't have time for this, neither does Piper, okay? So if you really, really want to help, maybe go get rid of your lady friend.","LEO: Okay, you know what? She is not my lady friend, okay? She's a friend, but she's just a lady.","PAIGE: Whatever. Just please help me find Maya Holmes. The real Maya Holmes.","LEO: Who?","PAIGE: (sighs) Just go. (Leo heads back to the kitchen as Paige continues to flip through the magazine. She stops on a page of Maya Holmes, modeling a green gown.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(Billie sits in the attic, flipping through the Book of Shadows. Paige rushes into the attic. Billie spots her and sees the determined look on Paige's face.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, something's going on.","(She gets up eagerly and follows Paige to the potions table.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Is a demon problem? Is it, is it, is it?","(Paige starts throwing ingredients into the potions pot.)","PAIGE: Not now, Billie.","BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, you're making a potion. Is it a vanquishing potion? Oh,","come on, Paige, teach me. I'm here to learn, aren't I?","PAIGE: It's a big problem, okay? It's a big problem.","BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, good, good. I've been studying the Book. I know how to vanquish demons, I know --","PAIGE: (irritated) It's not a demon problem.","BILLIE JENKINS: What other kind of problem is there?","PAIGE: It's a Piper's in jail problem.","BILLIE JENKINS: In jail?","PAIGE: Mm-hmm. They're confusing her with somebody, and that somebody else is who I have to scry for.","(Billie turns to get her stuff to help.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, scrying. I love that. I'll go get my laptop --","(Paige stops her.)","PAIGE: No, no, no. What if it doesn't work? It has to work. That's why we're","doing this the old-fashioned way. No laptop scrying. Old-fashioned. Keep it simple.","(She sighs.)","PAIGE: Please work.","(She picks up the tongs and removes the picture ad of Maya Holmes from the pot.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. JAIL - HOLDING CELL -- DAY]","(Jax, a large blonde-haired woman, nearly twice Piper's size, rolls up her sleeve as she advances on Piper. Piper backs away from her, hands in the air.)","PIPER: Whoa, whoa! Let's just hang on a second 'cause we can work something out here. You know, we're both grown adults and I wasn't smiling at you, you weren't smiling at me.","(Just then, the guard walks in and opens the cell door.)","GUARD: Holmes! You got a visitor!","PIPER: Holmes! That's me! (Piper walks out of the cell.) Well, I gotta go.","Okay. See you later. (The guard closes the door behind her leaving Jax in the cell alone, leaning against the wall, her arms crossed over her chest.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. JAIL - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(The guard brings Piper into the interview room where a well-dressed man in a business suit is waiting for her.)","WALTER NANCE: Hello, Maya.","(The guard uncuffs her and leaves, closing the door behind her.)","WALTER NANCE: Good to see you.","PIPER: It's good to see you, too. Are you my lawyer?","(Walter Nance laughs.)","WALTER NANCE: No, I don't think so. I think I'll be prosecuting this one ...","personally.","PIPER: (sighs) I see. So, what do you want?","WALTER NANCE: I just wanted to see you again, that's all ... in private. Did you really think you'd get away with it? Running from the law? Running from me?","(Piper doesn't like his tone.)","PIPER: I guess I did.","WALTER NANCE: What did I ever do to you, Maya? What did I ever do to deserve","this?","PIPER: Why don't you tell me?","WALTER NANCE: I offered you the world. I gave you everything I could, and then you just ... you just threw it back in my face, didn't you? What did you expect, that I'd just let you get away with it?","PIPER: It was time for me to move on.","WALTER NANCE: No, it wasn't time! It wasn't time at all! Not until I said so! I warned you not to mess with me, didn't I? I told you what would happen if you left me for that - that photographer. What was it you saw in him? What could he have possibly given you that I couldn't? Just youth?","PIPER: Well, it didn't hurt.","WALTER NANCE: Yeah, it did! It hurt a lot! It cost him his life, didn't it? And now I'm gonna see to it that it costs you yours.","(Piper realizes what he's talking about.)","PIPER: It was you. It wasn't her at all.","WALTER NANCE: What kind of game are you playing now?","PIPER: Wouldn't you like to know?","WALTER NANCE: You don't have anything on me. You wouldn't have gotten caught","if you did.","PIPER: Are you sure about that? I'll see you in court.","(He walks up to her and leans in close.)","WALTER NANCE: It won't get that far, Maya.","(With that threat, Walter Nance leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE BAY MIRROR (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. THE BAY MIRROR - BULLPEN -- DAY]","(The bullpen is bustling. Phoebe walks out of her office and heads over to Seth.)","PHOEBE: Anything on Maya yet?","SETH: You just asked me, like, two minutes ago.","PHOEBE: Yeah, well, I've got deadlines, too, you know?","SETH: What, are you giving fugitives advice now, too?","(She glares at him.)","SETH: Sorry. Uh, just ... Give me another minute.","PHOEBE: Ok. (Phoebe turns and sees Gregg walking by.) Hey, Gregg. I've been","looking all over for you. How's the baby?","GREGG: Fine. (He sits down at his desk.) How do you know about her?","PHOEBE: Well - what -- of course I know about the -- I mean -- you know, do I have to explain this every ... never mind. Let's talk earthquakes.","GREGG: Earthquakes?","PHOEBE: Yeah, earthquakes. I think it's really important that we run a story, maybe even in tonight's edition, about earthquake preparedness. What do you think?","GREGG: Why?","PHOEBE: Why? Well, I think it's really important that people are prepared for earthquakes, you know? I mean, one can strike at any time. One could even hit tonight, you know?","SETH: I think I've got something.","PHOEBE: Okay. Evening edition, right? Safety first, right? (Phoebe rushes back to Seth.) Okay, lay it on me.","SETH: Okay, so basically, Maya Holmes was a local model, used to date Walter Nance, the ADA. Okay.","PHOEBE: Okay?","SETH: Okay, well, she left him for some photographer who was found shot to death in his apartment two weeks later. It was a lover's quarrel, you know, crime of passion kind of thing.","PHOEBE: Right. She did it. I get it. What I want to know is how can I find her.","SETH: But she's already been found. I mean, they arrested her this morning.","(Phoebe sighs.)","PHOEBE: Yeah, but ... I mean, wouldn't it be just crazy if she had a twin? Now","that's a story. Keep looking, okay? I want to know relatives, agents, friends, whatever you can find. Chop-chop. (Phoebe turns and heads back into her office leaving the two men sitting there, blinking their eyes.)","SETH: Remind you of anybody?","(Gregg nods.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MOTEL ROOM -- DAY]","(Paige orbs Billie into the motel room.)","PAIGE: Okay. Gotta be careful.","BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, come on. How dangerous can a model be?","(Suddenly the door is kicked open as Maya bursts into the room hitting Billie back against the wall. Paige dodges a kick. Maya deflects a punch from Billie who then kicks her in the stomach.) (She falls back toward the dresser, grabs the gun on the top and points it at them.)","PAIGE: Lamp! (The lamp orbs off the cabinet top and smashes into Maya's head, knocking her out. She hits the floor with a thud.)","BILLIE JENKINS: That was close.","PAIGE: Good. Fear. We're making progress.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(COMMERCIAL SET)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. JAIL - CELL -- DAY]","(Piper sits on the bench, looking at the unappetizing gunk on the food tray.)","JAX: Guess what? Lunchtime for the hacks means me and you get to finish what","we started.","PIPER: Mm-mmm. (Jax advances toward her, then throws a punch. Piper puts her hands up and freezes her.)","PIPER: Ugh. For crying out loud.","(Piper gets to her feet and picks up the heavy metal tray.)","PIPER: You see? You had to be a tough guy.","(She swings the tray and hits Jax on the head, knocking her to the ground. She groans.)","(Piper jumps to the floor.)","PIPER: And there's more where that came from!","(Piper is orbed out. The metal tray she's carrying hits the floor with a clang. A beat later, the real Maya Holms is orbed into jail in her place. She's blindfolded.)","(She removes the blindfold and looks around.)","(Jax groans as she turns around. Maya quickly picks up the metal tray.)","JAX: No! No, wait! Don't hit me again! I won't hurt you, I promise!","(Maya looks around, confused by what's going on.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL - DAY - CONTINUOUS]","(Billie and Paige stand in the main hall waiting. Piper orbs in.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Oh! It worked!","PIPER: What happened? What did you do?","PAIGE: We switched you out with the real Maya Holmes.","PIPER: Oh, well, that's great. But she's innocent.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NANCE'S RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY]","(Will talks to Walter Nancy who is standing in front of the mirror changing his tie.)","WILL: I tried Judge Watkins and Judge Kitner. Neither one of them have called me back.","WALTER NANCE: Then call Chief Ellis. Remind him he owes me. I want Maya released ... now!","WILL: With all due respect, sir, don't you think you might be overreacting? I mean, after all, how do you know she's not bluffing?","WALTER NANCE: Are you willing to bet your career on it? Because I'm sure as hell not. I know Maya. She should have been scared, but she wasn't. She's got something on me, and I gotta stop her before it gets out.","WILL: Stop her how?","WALTER NANCE: How do you think?","WILL: I still say you should just let the system do its job.","WALTER NANCE: I am the system! Where's Javi?","(Will snaps his fingers.)","WALTER NANCE: I want to look my best for Maya.","(Javi steps forward carrying a slip metal briefcase. Walter Nance sits on the seat waiting as Javi opens the case.)","(Walter looks at Will.)","WALTER NANCE: Botox?","WILL: No ... thanks.","(Javi takes out a syringe and preps the needle.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM --DAY]","(Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Billie talk.)","PAIGE: How were we supposed to know? They said you were alone.","PIPER: Well, obviously, I wasn't.","LEO: You sure she didn't see you orb?","PIPER: No. Fortunately, I think she was seeing stars at the moment.","PHOEBE: Can we get back to why you think Maya's innocent and what we're gonna","do about it?","PIPER: I don't think Maya's innocent. I know she is. Nance basically admitted to killing the photographer.","LEO: Nance, the district attorney?","PIPER: Yeah.","LEO: Great.","BILLIE JENKINS: Well, can't we just vanquish him?","PIPER: We don't usually vanquish humans.","BILLIE JENKINS: Oh. Just asking.","PAIGE: Billie, maybe you should just go upstairs and study for a little bit.","BILLIE JENKINS: What? Why? I've been studying all day.","PAIGE: Billie, just ... please?","BILLIE JENKINS: Fine. It's just like living at home again.","(Billie leaves.)","PAIGE: Practice patience.","PHOEBE: So, if Nance is guilty, we need proof.","PIPER: Well, she must have something on him.","LEO: Then why hasn't she used it? I mean, why run?","PIPER: She was probably scared. He's a high-powered district attorney. He's","well-connected, and she wouldn't stand a chance up against him, which is why you need to switch us back.","PAIGE: What? You want me to put you back in jail? Just long enough for you to find out what she's got on him.","LEO: What about your cell mate. I think I can take care of myself.","PHOEBE: Ok. Well, I think that should give me enough time to stop Dex's show.","PAIGE: Excuse me?","PHOEBE: Look, I did not ask for this, and if I don't do something, then the premonition about us getting married, not gonna happen. And the future-child premonition? That's not gonna happen, either.","PAIGE: Yeah. Ok. Go. Fantastic. Good idea.","PHOEBE: Ok. Eyes low, shoulders high.","(Phoebe leaves.)","PIPER: Mm-hmm.","PAIGE: I'm gonna go check on Billie.","(Paige leaves.)","PIPER: That's a good idea.","(The doorbell rings. Leo and Piper look at each other. Leo doesn't look like he's going to move.)","PIPER: Well, I'll get it. (Piper gets to her feet and whacks Leo on the foot as she goes to answer the door.)","(Grumbling, Leo gets up to follow her.)","[INT. MANOR - FOYER - DAY - CONTINUOUS]","(Piper opens the door. Carl, Eve's husband bursts in. He sees Leo and glares at him.)","PIPER: Uhh! Hi, Carl.","CARL: You the dirtbag hitting on my wife?","(Carl steps up to Leo and pulls his arm back to hit him.)","PIPER: Whoa!","(Piper freezes him mid-punch. Leo pulls back, expecting to be punched, but sees Carl frozen in front of him.)","PIPER: What's going on?!","(Leo backs away from Carl's fist.)","LEO: Uh ... I don't know. Uh ... I didn't do anything. (chuckles) It was --","it was Eve.","PIPER: What exactly did Eve do?","LEO: (flustering) Oh, come on, Piper. You know me.","PIPER: Uh-huh, I do, and I also know Eve. So you must have done something to encourage her.","LEO: No, nothing. Except maybe, you know ... she thought that I was single.","PIPER: Oh. You didn't tell her you were married.","LEO: No. Look, it all happened so fast, you know? We never really got the chance to discuss, you know, everything, with our disguises I mean, we don't even -- we don't even have rings on our fingers, so ...","PIER: Hmm! That's a good story. Now get back into position.","LEO: What? Why?","PIPER: We gotta save Maya. We got stuff to do, so let's get this over with. You gotta get back into position.","LEO: (sighs) You are so enjoying this, aren't you?","PIPER: Yeah.","(Leo gets back in front of Carl's frozen fist.)","(He blusters as he looks at the oncoming punch. He turns his cheek and braces himself.)","(Piper un-freezes Carl.)","(Carl punches Leo in the face, knocking him backward to the floor.)","PIPER: Ooh! Wow!","(Piper grabs Carl and gently, but firmly leads him back to the door.)","PIPER: Now, don't you feel better? Ok. Thanks for stopping by, Carl. Say hi","to Eve for me, ok? See you later.","(Piper opens the door and Carol leaves.)","(She closes the door, turns and smiles at Leo who is still on the floor.)","(Leo sighs.)","(Piper smiles.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(COMMERCIAL SET)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DEX'S BUILDING (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. DEX'S LOFT \/ GALLERY -- DAY]","(Dex is moving his sculptures into place as Phoebe watches. They talk.)","DEX LAWSON: You want me to do what? Cancel my show?","PHOEBE: Well, maybe not cancel. Maybe just postpone?","DEX LAWSON: Why?","PHOEBE: Why? Did you not read the article on earthquake preparedness in the","newspaper today? I mean, we are due for a major shaker at any moment. Actually overdue.","DEX LAWSON: A major shaker, huh?","PHOEBE: Yes, a major shaker, and imagine what it would do to your artwork. It would be disastrous.","(He chuckles.)","DEX LAWSON: I think I can risk it for one night.","(He starts to move a third piece into place; Phoebe stops him.)","PHOEBE: No, you can't.","DEX LAWSON: Wait. You're serious, aren't you?","PHOEBE: Yeah, I'm really serious.","DEX LAWSON: Julie, I can't cancel my show. I got every major art critic in","town coming. It's make or break for me.","PHOEBE: Okay. Then if we cannot move the show, we're gonna move your artwork so that it's safe, you know? (Phoebe tries to move one of the pieces she remembers as being destroyed. Dex gets alarmed and tries to stop her.)","DEX LAWSON: Hey! Easy with that!","PHOEBE: Put that right there. Good. And now I'm thinking if we have some, like, rope, you know, and some krazy glue.","DEX LAWSON: What are you doing?","(She stops and looks at him.)","DEX LAWSON: Are you nuts?","PHOEBE: No. I just don't want anything to ruin the moment for tonight, that's","all.","(Suddenly the building shakes with a minor quake. It stops.)","PHOEBE: Oh, my god! Did you feel that?","DEX LAWSON: Yeah.","PHOEBE: Ok! Well, hurry up! We got work to do! We'll move this one ...","(She starts moving one of the pieces.)","DEX LAWSON: Wait!","(Dex goes over to help her.)","PHOEBE: I got it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. CAR (PARKED) -- DAY]","(Piper sits behind the driver's wheel while of the parked car just outside the police station. She and Paige wait for Billie.)","PIPER: We shouldn't have let Billie do this.","PAIGE: No, it's better her going in to see if it's safe for us to orb, especially since you still look like Maya. Besides, if Billie's gonna start helping, she might as well do it now.","PIPER: Yeah, but she's supposed to be helping us with demons, not cops.","(Billie crosses the street and heads for the car.)","PAIGE: Oh, here she comes.","BILLIE: Hey, bad news. Maya's not in there.","PIPER: What do you mean, she's not in there?","BILLIE: They just released her into Nance's custody.","PAIGE: Nance? Why?","PIPER: So he can shut her up.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NANCE'S RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT]","(Maya is sitting in the chair in Walter Nance's living room. She appears to be cowering.)","WALTER NANCE: You seemed so much more sure of yourself today in jail, Maya. Not so sure of yourself now, are you?","(She stands up.)","MAYA HOLMES: What are you talking about? I told you, I didn't see you in jail","today. I don't even know how I got in jail.","WALTER NANCE: That's not what you said before. You said you wanted to get caught. You said, I believe the exact words were, \"See you in court.\" You should know better than to threaten me. (Maya tries to kick Nance. He catches her leg and throws her backward to the floor.)","(Maya gets up as Nance advances on her.)","WALTER NANCE: Now, what exactly is it that you have on me, Maya?","(Scared, Maya opens the balcony doors to get away from him. She steps out into the balcony.)","[INT. NANCE'S APARTMENT - HALLWAY -- NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","(Paige and Piper orb in.)","MAYA HOLMES: (o.s.) Walter. Please calm down.","(They peer around the corner and see Nance and Maya out on the balcony.)","PIPER: See? I told you he'd bring her here.","PAIGE: So he can't kill her; everyone knows he bailed her out.","PIPER: Yeah, well, if I know Nance, he's probably already thought about that.","PAIGE: What do you mean, know Nance? You met him once.","PIPER: Once was enough, believe me.","[EXT. NANCE'S APARTMENT - BALCONY - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","MAYA HOLMES: I'm telling you the truth. I don't know what's going on. I swear","I don't have anything!","WALTER NANCE: I don't believe you. (Walter grabs Maya's upper arms.","WALTER NANCE: And I can't risk it.","MAYA HOLMES: (crying) I beg you, don't kill me, too.","WALTER NANCE: This isn't murder, Maya. It's suicide.","(He pushes her over the balcony railing. She screams.)","(Both Piper and Paige gasp with disbelief. Maya is screaming.)","PAIGE: Oh, my god.","PIPER: (whispers) Alley. Orb. Orb.","(Paige orbs both her and Piper out.)","[FALLING]","(Maya is screaming and falling.)","[EXT. BUILDING -- ALLEY - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","(Maya is falling. Just before she reaches the ground, Piper freezes her mid- air.)","PAIGE: Whew, that was close.","PIPER: Yeah.","(She looks around and sees the bed mattress on the dumpster.)","PIPER: Hurry, get the mattress.","PAIGE: What if it doesn't work?","PIPER: Well, then, it was a bad idea.","(Paige hits Piper's arm. She waves her arm.)","PAIGE: Mattress.","(She orbs the mattress from the dumpster to pad Maya's fall.)","(Piper unfreezes Maya.)","(Maya resumes falling and screaming. She hits the mattress face forward and survives. She groans, looks up and sees Piper and Paige.)","MAYA HOLMES: Where am I?","PIPER: You're dead. Come on.","(Piper reaches down and helps Maya to her feet.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. MANOR - KITCHEN -- NIGHT]","(The real Maya sits in the kitchen, a blanket around her shoulders. Billie makes her a cup of tea and gives it to her.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Here. This'll make you feel better.","(Billie sits down near Maya.)","MAYA HOLMES: I just ...I still don't understand. I mean, I've never heard of -","BILLIE JENKINS: Witches? Oh, come on. Sure you have. It's like \"The Wizard","of Oz\". Except we're not wicked. You've seen \"The Wizard of Oz\", right?","MAYA HOLMES: Yeah, of course, but I never thought witches were real.","BILLIE JENKINS: Real enough to save you.","MAYA HOLMES: You actually seem more like guardian angels to me.","BILLIE JENKINS: I don't know about that. I mean, I'm actually pretty new at this myself. I only met the sisters -- I mean the cousins, a couple of weeks ago. They do this sort of thing all the time. Or, at least, they used to.","MAYA HOLMES: I ... I don't know what to say.","BILLIE JENKINS: There's nothing else to say. All that matters now is that you're safe.","MAYA HOLMES: Sorry I kicked you in the face.","BILLIE JENKINS: Well, I'm sorry we almost got you killed.","MAYA HOLMES: He's not gonna stop coming after me, you know? He'll figure out I'm alive sooner or later.","BILLIE JENKINS: I know, they're working on that. Isn't there any sort of proof you have--","MAYA HOLMES: If I did, don't you think I would've used it by now? I mean, Walter is crazy. Obsessed. He thinks I betrayed him, but I didn't. The only crime I committed was leaving him for a younger man.","BILLIE JENKINS: What do you mean?","MAYA HOLMES: Oh, Walter can't stand the fact that he's getting older. He's, like, paranoid about it. He does everything he can to pretend it's not happening, like lifts, botox, implants. He even has a manicurist come over every night to keep his nails neat and trim, like that does any good.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- NIGHT]","(Piper, Paige and Phoebe discuss what to do next.)","PAIGE: What if we swapped Maya's identity out for a new one?","PHOEBE: Are you kidding? I think we're having enough identity issues as it is.","PAIGE: Well, we're running out of options here, people.","PIPER: No, there's gotta be another way.","PHOEBE: What if she went back on the run?","PAIGE: No, it's just a matter of time before she'd get caught. I mean, she's","the prime suspect. You can't magically make that go away.","(Billie enters the attic to share her idea.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Excuse me, guys, but I have this great idea.","PHOEBE: Too bad we can't prove that he threw her off the balcony.","PIPER: Well, now it's gonna look like she escaped from him. At least, that's","the way he's gonna spin it.","BILLIE JENKINS: Seriously, though, I have a great --","(Piper waves her hand for Billie to stop talking.)","PIPER: (interrupts) I think the only way to save Maya is to get him to confess","to the murders somehow.","(Billie moves over to Paige.)","PAIGE: Oh, that happens when? Before or after hell freezes over.","BILLIE JENKINS: But I'm telling you --","PHOEBE: (interrupts) Wait a minute. What about a truth spell?","PIPER: We're gonna have to get close.","PAIGE: We could try orbing.","(Billie shouts and stamps her foot down.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Or you could try listening to me!","(They all turn to look at Billie.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Thank you. (Billie walks over to the Book.) Now, according to","the Book of Shadows, this would not be the first time you've scared someone into a confession, right? Six or seven years ago, it was the pawnbroker or something?","(They get up and move over to join Billie.)","PHOEBE: Wow. Someone's done their homework. I'm impressed.","PIPER: Uh, but we didn't do it. We got a ghost to do it.","BILLIE JENKINS: Yeah, I know, but you guys can change looks, right? You can","make him think he's seeing a ghost.","PAIGE: Where are you going with this?","BILLIE JENKINS: I'm going to the Demon of Fear.","PIPER: You want us to conjure Barbas? Are you out of your mind? After everything he did -","BILLIE JENKINS: To kill you? No, I'm not suggesting that you conjure him, I'm just suggesting you think of him as some sort of inspiration. Prey on Nance's deepest fear.","(They look at each other as they seriously consider this option.)","(Billie smiles.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(COMMERCIAL SET)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. NANCE'S BUILDING - ESTABLISH]","[INT. NANCE'S RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT]","(Walter Nance is having his nails filed.)","WALTER NANCE: You do very nice work. Much better than the other girl.","(Camera pans back and we see that the manicurist is Billie.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Thank you, sir.","WALTER NANCE: What'd you say happened to her?","BILLIE JENKINS: She's just sick. I'm filling in for the day.","WALTER NANCE: Perhaps on a more permanent basis.","BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, I'm sorry. I tend to work with a much younger clientele.","WALTER NANCE: Ouch. Watch it.","BILLIE JENKINS: Thin skin. Tends to be more susceptible to damage on someone","as old as you. You're, like, sixty, or something?","(Irritated, Nance pulls his hand away from her and tosses the cloth at her.)","WALTER NANCE: Get out of here.","BILLIE JENKINS: I am so sorry, sir. I didn't mean to offend you. Are you","sensitive about your age?","WALTER NANCE: No, I'm not!","BILLIE JENKINS: You know, I can usually tell how old someone is just by looking at the lines on their hands. Go ahead, see for yourself.","WALTER NANCE: What are you talking about? (She looks at him. He looks down at his hands and are shocked by how aged and decrepit they appear. He can't believe it.)","WALTER NANCE: What?!","BILLIE JENKINS: Is something wrong?","(He turns and looks at Billie and finds himself looking at Maya instead.)","WALTER NANCE: What the hell? You're dead! You couldn't have -","PIPER: --lived? Sorry to disappoint you.","(She waves her hand and throws Nance up against the far wall. He crashes into the corner mirror, smashing it.)","(He falls to the floor with a thud.)","OFF NANCE","(He gets up and looks at the mirror. He's horrified and shocked by what he sees.)","MIRROR'S REFLECTION","(In the mirror, he sees a very, very, very old man.)","(He screams.)","PAIGE (AS MAYA): What's the matter old man, seeing a ghost?","(He turns around and finds three \"Maya\"s in his living room.)","PHOEBE (AS MAYA): Because you killed me?","BILLIE (AS MAYA): Just like you killed Curtis?","WALTER NANCE: No, it's not possible. It's ... it's a- -","BILLIE (AS MAYA): A nightmare? One you won't ever wake up from.","PAIGE (AS MAYA): Guilt's a terrible thing, Walter. It haunts you forever.","(He edges himself toward the balcony doors.)","WALTER NANCE: No, get away from me. (screams) Leave me alone!","(He runs out onto the balcony.)","(White orb lights cover the three 'Maya's' and they change into Billie, Paige and Phoebe.) (Out on the balcony, the doors close. Nance turns around and sees Maya standing quietly in front of him.)","WALTER NANCE: No.","(She walks up to him.)","MAYA HOLMES: Drop dead.","(Maya pushes Nance over the balcony railing.)","[FALLING]","(Nance is screaming and falling.)","[EXT. BUILDING -- ALLEY - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]","(Nance is falling. Just before he reaches the ground, Piper freezes him mid- air.)","(She takes a step toward him, waves her hand and unfreezes his head.)","WALTER NANCE: Aah!","(He stops as he slowly realizes that he's not dead, yet, and is suspended in mid-air.)","WALTER NANCE: What's happening to me?","PIPER: Well, Walter, the way I see it, you have two choices: You can confess","[SCENE_BREAK]","(She holds up a mini tape recorder.)","PIPER: ... or you can meet the pavement. (She turns the tape recorder on.)","What do you say?","(Walter considers his options.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT]","(Piper is leaning back against Leo as they sit on the couch. Paige walks in from down the stairs.)","PAIGE: Well, Nance and everyone involved are in jail, Maya's set free. All in all, not a bad day.","PIPER: Yeah, except for the part where I have to come up with a new identity. So much for my future in the corporate world.","LEO: Yeah, I don't think that one fit you very much anyway.","PIPER: Hmm, I guess not. Can't change my whole life, although you could've mentioned that earlier.","LEO: No, I've learned my lesson. No one tells you what to do.","PAIGE: So, missy, where you gonna get your next alias from? Time magazine, Vanity Fair? Let me guess. National Enquirer?","PIPER: No, I think I can come up with this one on my own, thank you.","PAIGE: Well, just make sure it's not off the most wanted list, okay?","PIPER: Trust me.","LEO: Another cousin?","PIPER: Yes, actually. One that you will be married to this time.","LEO: Hey, that was All about Eve.","PIPER: Mm-hmm.","PAIGE: Wasn't all about Eve some old movie?","PIPER: One that I don't wanna see again anytime soon.","LEO: Fine by me.","PAIGE: So, guys, how do you think our fair Billie did? Sounds like she did good.","PIPER: Except for the fact that she was inspired by a demon.","PAIGE: Oh, come on!","(The house shakes.)","PAIGE: Did you guys feel that?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DEX'S LOFT \/ GALLERY -- NIGHT]","(The art show is underway when Phoebe walks in. She looks at the scene in front of her straight out of her premonition. Dex sees her.)","DEX LAWSON: Will you excuse me for just a moment?","(He walks over to her.)","DEX LAWSON: I was beginning to think you weren't gonna show.","PHOEBE: You moved it all back.","DEX LAWSON: Well, yeah. When it's all shoved in the corner, it's kind of hard","for people to see. Come on, you can't be serious about an earthquake.","PHOEBE: You can laugh at me all you want, but I am serious. (Just then, the place shakes. The guests gasp and sculptures fall and crash to the floor.)","GUEST: Oh, man. (Phoebe rushes over to try to save one of the sculptures, but Dex grabs her and pulls her away just as the top half of the sculpture breaks from the ceiling and crashes to the floor.)","PHOEBE: Oh, my!","(The earthquake stops.)","VOICE: Are you all right?","VOICE: Anyone hurt?","VOICE: Are you all right?","(Phoebe and Dex look around the place.)","DEX LAWSON: Is everyone all right?","VOICE: Yeah, yeah. I think so.","DEX LAWSON: (to Phoebe) Are you okay?","(Phoebe's looking at him.)","PHOEBE: The moment.","DEX LAWSON: I'm sorry?","PHOEBE: I wasn't supposed to stop the earthquake, I was supposed to be here for","it.","DEX LAWSON: What are you talking about?","PHOEBE: Dex, look at your work.","(He looks around at the destruction around him and sighs.)","DEX LAWSON: Most of it's still okay.","(He looks at Phoebe.)","DEX LAWSON: How'd you know?","PHOEBE: (smiles) I told you, I'm psychic."],"Show Title":"Charmed","Episode Number":"08x03","Episode Title":"Run Piper Run","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Charmed_08x06.json","Recap":["It's Halloween and Billie is determined to vanquish a demon called the Dogan. However, when she freezes upon meeting her target, she opens up to the sisters about when demons kidnapped her sister years ago on Halloween. She then casts an anti-fear spell on herself to see if that can help move past what happened all those years ago. Meanwhile, Paige decides to use a little magic on a reporter who won't leave the sisters alone, whereas Piper and Leo find themselves in a bit of a pickle. Phoebe is worried that she might be pregnant."],"Transcript":["[TRIQUETRA]","ROSE MCGOWAN (NARRATOR): (v.o.) Previously on \"Charmed\" ...","FLASH TO:","[Scene from 8X05: Rewitched]","[INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- NIGHT]","(Billie finds a spell in the Book of Shadows.)","BILLIE JENKINS: (reading) \"To Make a Lover's Dream Come True\" ... maybe at","least this one will help Phoebe out.","[EXT. MANOR - FRONT PORCH - DAY]","(Phoebe and Dex are holding each other on the front porch. Phoebe is in a white wedding gown while Dex is wearing a tux.)","DEX LAWSON: I love you, Mrs. Lawson.","(She kisses him.)","[INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY -- DAY]","(Dex and Phoebe talk.)","DEX LAWSON: If you wanna go down to city hall and get this fixed --","PHOEBE: To get it annulled?","DEX LAWSON: Well, yeah.","FLASH TO:","[INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT]","(Phoebe talks with Paige.)","PHOEBE: Maybe we made a mistake faking our own death.","[INT. DEX LAWSON'S LOFT - DAY]","(Orb lights swirl around her and she changes into Julie Bennet. Dex is speechless and surprised. He falls to the floor with at thud.) TRIQUETRA FLASH TO:","[INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM\/ FOYER -- NIGHT]","(Agent Murphy shows Billie his ID.)","AGENT MURPHY: Agent Murphy, Homeland Security.","[INT. HOMELAND SECURITY - MURPHY'S OFFICE - DAY]","(Piper, Phoebe and Paige are back in their own identities and talk with Agent Murphy.)","PIPER: You wanna know more about who we are and what we do, we'll tell you.","PHOEBE: And help you out with a few cases along the way. If you help us.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. HOMELAND SECURITY - LOBBY -- DAY]","(Agent Murphy is talking to a group from the media.)","AGENT MURPHY: I can't talk about the specifics of the case the sisters are","involved in, okay?","[EXT. P-3 - FRONT - NIGHT]","(The door opens. Paige and Piper step out into the club.)","AGENT MURPHY: (v.o.) All I can say is it involved a threat to national","security, that our agency got involved to protect them.","(Paige and Piper nervously face the crowds.)","PAIGE: Welcome back.","[SCENE_BREAK]","END OF PREVIOUSLY ON","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - KITCHEN -- DAY]","(Piper is working at the kitchen table, carving a large pumpin. Lined over the table is the issue of THE BAY MIRROR with the headline, \"What's The Big Secret?. A photo of the sisters grace the front page.) (On the newspaper is the guts of the pumpkin. Piper has an hand-held electric knife and is using it to carve the pumpkin. Paige walks in.)","PAIGE: Dang. What'd that pumpkin ever do to you?","PIPER: Nothing. I'm venting. (The phone rings. Paige automatically heads over to the phone to answer it, but Piper stops her.)","PIPER: No. Don't get that. It could be Oprah's people again. They want to do a special on lady spies.","PAIGE: Lady spies?","(The phone continues to ring.)","PIPER: You heard me, and some producer's been calling for the movie rights to","our cover story.","PAIGE: I guess it's better than TV, right?","PIPER: Trust me. We won't be doing TV either.","PAIGE: Well, it's, uh -- it's a little late for that, actually.","(Billie walks in.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Little late for what?","PAIGE: What are you doing here?","BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, it's funny you should ask. Actually, I -","PIPER: (interrupts) Ya know, we really need to do something about this. It's","not good.","PAIGE: It's gonna blow over.","PIPER: Really? Does this look like it's blowing over? (Piper reaches over and points to THE BAY MIRROR newspaper front page story on them. Paige walks over to the table and sits down.)","PAIGE: Eww.","BILLIE JENKINS: It's a good picture.","(Piper glares at her.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Well, it is.","PAIGE: Okay. This isn't about the witch secret. They're just trying to figure","out what we're doing with homeland security, and you know what? They're not going to find out anything.","PIPER: Well, they're going to keep looking until they find something, and that something could easily turn into a witch hunt.","BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, speaking of hunting --","PAIGE: Nothing is going to happen. (Billie turns and heads for the cupboard and the sink to get herself a drink of water.)","PIPER: Really? 'Cause something happened to Prue. We die to have normal lives. We come back from the dead to get our old lives back, and, somehow, we end up living in a fishbowl. (Piper points the knife at Paige.) You know, Agent Murphy was supposed to protect us from this.","(Paige reaches over and removes the knife out of Piper's grip.)","PAIGE: Okay. Uhh. I'm going to disarm you now. It's all gonna be ok. I","promise.","PIPER: How can you promise that?","PAIGE: Well, I'm not entirely sure, but--but I promise that it's gonna be, because you know what? You're just gonna take care of Halloween, and I am gonna deal with getting the press off of our backs.","BILLIE JENKINS: (interrupts) And I will focus on my demon.","PIPER: What demon?","BILLIE JENKINS: Just the one I've been tracking. No big deal. I can take him.","PAIGE: Oh, no. Actually, you're not taking anybody.","BILLIE JENKINS: No, somebody's gotta take him down. He's--he's killing other demons and gaining power by the day.","PIPER: Great. Witch vanquishes demon. Film at 11.","BILLIE JENKINS: No. The press doesn't even know who I am, that's why I'm the perfect girl for the job. Plus, I wanna do it.","PAIGE: Why do you want to do it?","BILLIE JENKINS: So I can show you guys that I can. Come on. Please. I know I can do this.","PIPER: Fine, but if you get caught on tape, I will vanquish you.","(Thinking she's joking, Billie laughs. Piper returns to her pumpkin.)","BILLIE JENKINS: (to Paige) She's serious?","PAIGE: (shrugs) Eh. Just don't get caught.","(The doorbell rings.)","PAIGE: Trick-or-treaters?","PIPER: A day early?","(Paige stands up to check.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - FOYER - DAY - CONTINUOUS]","(Piper approaches the front door. Through the stained glass, we see shadows of people standing on the porch. Piper reaches out and opens the door. Cameras flash in her eyes as reporters clamor to ask their questions.)","(Standing in front of the pack is Seth Parra, tape recorder in hand.)","SETH PARRA: Seth Parra, Bay Mirror. So, what's the big secret?","(Piper laughs weakly as she shuts the front door.)","PIPER: We're screwed.","FADE TO","END OF TEASER","ROLL TITLE CREDITS","(COMMERCIAL SET)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - DAY]","[INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL \/ DINING ROOM -- DAY]","(Piper sits at the dining room table separating the Halloween candy into various piles. Paige bounds down the stairs and stops when she sees her.)","PAIGE: Hey. I think I figured out how to, uh -- what are you doing?","PIPER: I'm organizing the candy for tomorrow. I have chocolate, sugar free, and chocolate with nuts.","PAIGE: Well, isn't part of the fun of Halloween the whole mixed bowl thing?","PIPER: No. I don't want any allergic reactions or angry parents. We've got enough problems as it is.","PAIGE: Speaking of those problems, I think I have figured out how to get the press off of our broomsticks.","(She gasps when she sees three rats scampering along the wall.)","PAIGE: Holy -- we have rats.","(Piper doesn't react.)","PIPER: Yeah, they're everywhere. Get used to 'em. So what's this big","solution?","PAIGE: (suspiciously) Where did they come from?","PIPER: The San Francisco Chronicle, uh, The Daily News, and The Enquirer. I found them nosing around the garbage.","PAIGE: So you turned them into rodents?","PIPER: Well, I could've blown them up.","PAIGE: Uh, here's the thing. If we get Phoebe to talk to this reporter who's leading the charge -- luckily he works at her paper--we can --","PIPER: How's that gonna help?","(Paige sits down.)","PAIGE: Because ... if she can convince him that we are completely","uninteresting, then hopefully he'll just go away and take all the lemming reporters with him.","PIPER: They're more like rats.","PAIGE: And I will be the pied piper of Prescott Street, leading them away from the manor. Sadly, Piper, you have to turn them back.","PIPER: (groans) No!","PAIGE: Piper.","(Paige stands up and leaves.)","PIPER: You're no fun.","(Piper gets up and follows the rats into the conservatory. The rats are headed out the door. She throws the potions bottle at them. It explodes, sending a cloud of white smoke everywhere. Three reporters are standing outside the door looking very confused.)","PIPER: What are y'all waiting for? You're trespassing. This is private property. What are you, crazy?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - FOYER - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(The front door opens and Leo squeezes into the house past the group of reporters standing on the porch. He sees Paige.)","LEO: Where did they come from?","PAIGE: Pest problem. I'll take care of it.","(Piper steps in from the conservatory.)","PIPER: If you don't, I will.","PAIGE: Piper, you cannot blow up the entire media. Wish me luck.","(Paige opens the door and heads out into the group of reporters, the door closing behind her.) (Leo carries the package into the dining room and puts it on the table with the other piles of candy.)","LEO: Well, it's getting worse. Now the women at the preschool think I'm some kind of freaking leper.","PIPER: Why?","LEO: Because they think I'm married to a spy. That's why.","PIPER: (chuckles) Well, better that than to a witch.","(Piper reaches for the package and checks the candy inside.)","PIPER: Why'd you get candy corn? Nobody likes candy corn.","LEO: They were out of everything else.","PIPER: Well, you gotta go somewhere else and get more.","LEO: More? We have twelve bags. That's more than we gave out all last year.","PIPER: Yeah, well, you know what, last year we weren't famous, okay? I don't","want to have to turn off the lights and pretend like we're not home. I want the boys to have a nice Halloween if its the last thing we do.","LEO: But the boys aren't even three. They're not gonna remember.","PIPER: You know what? I will. Come on. Don't argue with me. Can't you just go get the candy? Is that really such a big deal? Is that a problem?","LEO: Okay.","(Leo swallows any reply and turns to head back out.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE BAY MIRROR - PHOEBE'S OFFICE -- DAY]","(Distracted, Phoebe stares out the window as Paige vents.)","PAIGE: Piper is freaking out.","PHOEBE: Yeah.","PAIGE: Yeah. The press is rummaging through the trash. The phone is ringing","off the hook. She's worried about exposure, and, frankly, so am I.","PHOEBE: Hey, do you know if Dex called?","PAIGE: Dex? Are you listening to me?","PHOEBE: Yes. I am listening to you. I'm sorry. It's just we haven't really talked since I told him I was a witch.","PAIGE: Right. Which brings us back to exposure, okay? And that brings us back to --","PHOEBE: I don't even know if he wants to see me again. I mean, I wouldn't blame him if he didn't.","PAIGE: Ok. Yeah. You're right. Love sucks. How 'bout bringing the focus just back around a little bit?","PHOEBE: Yes. Yes. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry.","PAIGE: Ok. So what we need to do is try to get Seth Parra off of our backs.","PHOEBE: Uh, that's not gonna happen.","PAIGE: Why?","PHOEBE: Because he is a hardcore journalist, and he's determined to do anything to get back in the big leagues.","PAIGE: What's his deal?","PHOEBE: Uh, he used to be at The Times, and he did this big mafia expose and exposed his source in the process.","PAIGE: All right. Wasn't that, like, a call girl? A Carol - Carol --","PHOEBE: Yeah. Flowers.","PAIGE: Yeah.","PHOEBE: She got killed because of it, and her death has haunted him ever since.","PAIGE: That's horrible, but the haunting could be good for us.","PHOEBE: Look, no us, okay, Paige? I just -- I can't right now.","PAIGE: Okay, Phoebe, this affects all of us. What exactly is more important than keeping our secret right now?","PHOEBE: Uh ... (Phoebe sits down and takes a breath.) I'm pregnant.","(Paige stops and sinks down onto the couch.)","PAIGE: Dex?","PHOEBE: No. Actually, some guy that I met at the gas station. Yes. Of course","Dex.","PAIGE: Well, are you sure?","PHOEBE: Yeah. I took the test this morning.","PAIGE: What are you gonna do?","PHOEBE: I don't know. I mean, I guess I'm gonna have to talk to him, but ... I don't even know if he'll talk to me.","PAIGE: Well, the hits just keep on coming.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- DAY]","(The Dogon talks with a group of demons.)","DOGON: And so do demons, but instead of fighting them, I plan on leading them.","TOMAR: How do you expect to lead demons when you keep killing them to steal","their powers?","DOGON: You respect power, don't you?","TOMAR: Of course. But that's not --","DOGON: Then that's your answer. It's kill or be killed in the underworld. You know that. But with the return of The Charmed Ones, one must rise again to lead.","TOMAR: You?","DOGON: Careful, Tomar, or I'll steal your power next.","(Tomar looks away.)","DOGON: Now, who's next on the list?","(The voices fade into the background.)","TOMAR: A shapeshifter -- Abet. He operates ...","[INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(In the hallway Billie is dressed in black and spiked heels. She makes her way to the main hall. Her boot creaks and she stops. The guard standing at the doorway hears and looks at her.)","GUARD: Who are you?","(She walks up to him and motions for him to be quiet.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Shh. I don't want them to hear.","GUARD: Hear what?","BILLIE JENKINS: This.","(She steps forward, covers his mouth as she stabs him with her athame.)","GUARD: Uhh!","(He explodes and she burns her fingers.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Oww! Uhh!","(The conversation coming from the Great Hall continues.)","DOGON: Does he have any offensive powers?","TOMAR: None you have to worry about, as long as you get him before he changes","shapes. (Her hands full of potions bottles, Billie makes her way to the Great Hall. She peers in through the open door and sees The Dogon and Tomar.)","DOGON: Do you know where to find him?","TOMAR: His territory's east market. He preys in alleys.","DOGON: Don't they all? (The Dogon flicks his black cape. This triggers a repressed memory in Billie and she gasps.)","[INT. BILLIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK]","(The shadow of a cloaked figure rises against the walls. Lightning flashes. The girls' bedroom double doors to the balcony open wide.)","(Five year-old Billie Jenkins gasps as she wakes up and gets out of bed.)","(The lit Jack o-lantern sits on the counter. A child screams.)","(End of flashback. Resume to present.)","(Surprised, Billie gasps. She drops the potions bottles and they clank to the floor.)","TOMAR: I think we should start over by --","DOGON: What was that?","(Billie turns and leaves.)","(The Dogon heads to the door and hears footsteps running down the hallway. He opens the door and sees no one there.) (He looks down and sees the potions bottles. He holds out his hand and the bottles fly off the floor and to him. He looks at the bottles grimly.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DEX'S LOFT\/GALLERY -- DAY]","(Dex opens the door and finds Phoebe there. He doesn't appear too thrilled to see her.)","DEX LAWSON: Hi.","PHOEBE: Hi. Can I come in?","DEX LAWSON: Okay.","(She steps inside. He closes the door behind her.)","DEX LAWSON: So how you been?","(He walks across to the other side of the room.)","PHOEBE: Wondering how you've been. That good, huh?","DEX LAWSON: What do you want me to say, Phoebe? I mean, give me a break. It's","not every day you find out you're married to a witch.","PHOEBE: At least we got it annulled.","DEX LAWSON: That's not the point.","PHOEBE: Yeah, I know. (sighs) How can I help you with this?","DEX LAWSON: I don't know. I wish I did. It's just a lot, you know? I didn't even know witches existed before. You can turn into other people, you can see the future, you can win the lottery whenever you want.","PHOEBE: Actually, we can't do that. We're not allowed.","DEX LAWSON: There are rules?","PHOEBE: Well, yeah.","DEX LAWSON: I don't know how to process this.","PHOEBE: I know.","DEX LAWSON: Look, you wanted to tell me something?","PHOEBE: Can we go for a walk, get some fresh air, please?","[INT. DEX'S LOFT\/GALLERY -- DAY]","(The door opens. Seth Parra and his camera man are there, snapping photos, asking questions.)","SETH PARRA: So what's the deal, Phoebe? Is he part of this, too? Does he know what's going on?","PHOEBE: Are you following me?","SETH PARRA: Damn right I am. So tell me, were you two sleeping together before this witness protection thing or is this a new relationship?","(Dex closes the door.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - KITCHEN -- DAY]","(A large cloud of white smoke rises from the boiling pot on the stove in front of Piper. Phoebe sits across the table from her.)","PHOEBE: \"I like you, Phoebe, a lot, but you're a witch, so bye-bye,\" you know? And that's just a little bit of my bigger problem.","(Piper fills potions vials with the liquid from the pot.)","PIPER: What did you tell Paige? She's got some hair-brained scheme up her","sleeve.","PHOEBE: You know what? I am a wreck. My boobs feel enormous, and all I want to do is eat all of this candy.","PIPER: Have a candy corn. We got plenty.","PHOEBE: Why does everything have to be so difficult? I mean, why can't it just be easy? And I'm sorry, but what am I supposed to tell Dex? \"Hey, I know you don't want to be with me 'cause I'm a witch, but you know what? I'm pregnant, so tough.\"","PIPER: (shocked) What? (A camera flashes through the window. Piper walks over to the window and readjusts the curtains.)","PIPER: Vermin! Ohh! Uh, uh ... could you repeat that?","PHOEBE: Wait, I told you, didn't I?","PIPER: No, you didn't tell me. I think I would remember the small embryo part!","PHOEBE: Oh, you know what, I might have told Paige.","PIPER: You told Paige and you didn't tell me?","PHOEBE: Well, I'm pregnant, okay? I'm a little scatter-brained right now. Forgive me.","PIPER: Well, I'm sorry, it's a little too early for you to use that excuse. Are you sure?","PHOEBE: I took the test.","PIPER: Well, nothing's for sure until you see your doctor and have a blood test. Did you do that?","PHOEBE: No, but it all times out, doesn't it? I just don't understand why it can't be with a guy who accepts me for who I am.","PIPER: Well, he's obviously scared and confused about who you are. I mean, can you blame him? The only thing you can do is try to talk to him.","PHOEBE: I've tried.","PIPER: Well, so you need to try again. I mean, if he's not gonna listen, then you need to write him a letter. He reads your column, doesn't he?","PHOEBE: Wait. Write him a letter in \"Ask Phoebe\"?","PIPER: Yeah! That should get his attention. Drastic times call for drastic measures, and you guys need to work this out soon, especially if there's a new baby to think about.","(Billie walks in. She stops when she sees them.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Oh. Hello.","PHOEBE: Hey.","PIPER: What happened to you?","(She looks at her bandaged-wrapped hand.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, this? It's nothing. You should see the other guy.","PIPER: Did you vanquish him?","BILLIE JENKINS: No, but I'm going to. I just have to go get some more potions,","so ... bye.","(Billie walks out of the room. Piper and Phoebe follow her.)","[INT. MANOR - DINING ROOM \/STAIRS - DAY - CONTINUOUS]","PIPER: What happened to the potions you had?","BILLIE JENKINS: Um, I just didn't have enough of them.","PHOEBE: Why not?","BILLIE JENKINS: Well, I sort of left them.","PIPER: Left them with the demons?","BILLIE JENKINS: You know, it's no big deal. No worries. Rome wasn't built in","a day, right?","(Billie turns to leave up the stairs, but Piper stops her.)","PIPER: Billie!","PHOEBE: Tell us what happened.","(She sighs and sits down.)","BILLIE JENKINS: I don't know. I was completely prepared. I researched the","demon, I mixed the potions correctly and -- but I just froze.","PIPER: You froze? What do you mean? Why?","BILLIE JENKINS: I don't know why. It was so weird. It was nothing that he did, but it was like ... it was like deja vu.","PHOEBE: So wait, you think you've seen him before?","PIPER: How is that possible?","(She shakes her head.)","QUICK FLASHES OF MEMORY - Lightning flashes, thunder, and the lit jack-o lantern on the table. (Billie stares out in front of her with fear. Piper and Phoebe turn around to see Billie staring at the carved pumpkin on the far table.)","PHOEBE: What's the matter?","BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, nothing. Those things have always creeped me out.","PIPER: You can fight demons, but you're afraid of pumpkins?","BILLIE JENKINS: I'm not afraid of pumpkins.","PHOEBE: Okay, well, you're obviously afraid of something, otherwise you wouldn't have frozen, right? And it's okay. I mean, it happens to all of us. You just have to figure out why. You know, what triggered it. (to Piper) Do you think it's some kind of latent memory?","BILLIE JENKINS: Latent memory?","PIPER: Unresolved issue. Look, whatever it is, you gotta figure it out, and until then, you're not fighting any more demons.","BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, come on, everyone has baggage.","PIPER: Yeah, well, everybody doesn't fight demons. Now there's a first-aid kit upstairs for your hand. (Billie sighs and gets up. She heads upstairs. She pauses as she hears Phoebe and Piper.)","(Phoebe turns to Piper.)","PHOEBE: You think we're expecting too much from her?","PIPER: I don't think she's ready for any of this. Could be making a big","mistake.","(Phoebe and Piper turn and head back to the kitchen.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(Billie enters the attic and heads for the Book of Shadows. She flips to a page, \"To Erase Painful Memories\".)","BILLIE JENKINS: Here goes nothing.","(She reads the spell.)","BILLIE JENKINS: After this cruel memory is seen and said, Erase these thoughts from my heart and head. (A gold glow encases her head. Billie closes her eyes and remembers:","[INT. BILLIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK]","(A little girl screams. A little girl gets out of bed. The caped shadow is on the wall, then disappears.)","(The balcony doors blow open.)","(A girl screams.)","(The lit Jack o'lantern on the table is there, then it's gone.)","END OF MEMORY","(Billie's eyes open. She takes a couple of breaths, then smiles.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Time to go kick some ass.","(She heads out.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(COMMERCIAL SET)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. P-3 -- DAY]","(Seth Parra and Paige enter the club.)","SETH PARRA: Huh. Interesting place to meet. Planning on taking me out, are ya?","PAIGE: I would never go out with you.","SETH PARRA: Yeah. I was speaking metaphorically.","PAIGE: Ah. Well, I wasn't.","SETH PARRA: Okay. All right, come on. What's going on? Why did you drag me","all the way down here? You gonna give me an exclusive or what?","PAIGE: No. I brought you here to warn you.","SETH PARRA: A warning, huh? Yeah?","PAIGE: Yeah. You might want to, uh, you know, back off on your story.","SETH PARRA: Oh, yeah, and why is that?","PAIGE: That would be because we're still working on a case for Homeland Security which is very dangerous and ongoing.","SETH PARRA: Really? Tell me about it.","(He takes out a tape recorder and turns it on.)","PAIGE: Some things are more important than your story, some things are best","left quiet, and some things are actually for the greater good.","SETH PARRA: Yeah. What a load of crap. What could possibly be so important, so dangerous, to make the government wanna recruit sisters? Mmm. I don't buy it. There's more to this, and I'm gonna find out what.","PAIGE: Even if it means hurting innocent people?","SETH PARRA: (shrugs) That's not my responsibility.","PAIGE: Like Carol Flowers wasn't your responsibility?","(He looks at her.)","QUICK FLASH OF CAROL FLOWERS","SETH PARRA: Screw you.","(He turns and leaves.)","PAIGE: You know, we're never gonna talk.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE BAY MIRROR - BULLPEN -- DAY]","(Phoebe comes out of her office.)","PHOEBE: Sophie, is it too late to make the evening edition?","SOPHIE: You want me to stop them?","PHOEBE: Yeah. I wanna swap out some of my advice.","(Sophie picks up the phone.)","SOPHIE: Hi. Uh, yeah, can you hold \"Lifestyle\"? Great. Thanks. I'll have","new copy down in five.","PHOEBE: You are a lifesaver.","SOPHIE: Are you kidding? We're all just so happy to have you back that we'd do anything for you. Uh, not that I didn't like having your cousin around. She ... she was your real cousin, wasn't she? Or was she undercover, too?","PHOEBE: Tick-tock.","SOPHIE: Oh. \"Pouting on Prescott\"?","PHOEBE: Yeah. Don't tell anybody. I'm just trying to reach out to someone that I hurt.","SETH PARRA: Were you behind this, too, huh? Were you?","PHOEBE: I don't know what you're talking about.","(Seth comes to Phoebe.)","SETH PARRA: You know damn well what I'm talkin' about. Dragging my ass down","to P-3, warning me. And just so you know, all you and your sisters just did was make things worse for you.","(Seth storms off.)","PHOEBE: Sophie, will you get one of my sisters on the phone, please?","(Sophie picks up the phone to make the call.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - DINING ROOM \/ MAIN HALL -- DAY]","(Leo dumps the package of candies out on the dining room table and heads for the stairs. He looks tired and exhausted, and sucking on a sucker.)","(Billie zooms down the stairs nearly knocking Leo over.)","LEO: Whoa. Watch out.","BILLIE JENKINS: Sorry, sorry. Gotta go.","LEO: Wait. Whoa. Wh-where?","BILLIE JENKINS: Don't I have a demon to vanquish?","LEO: I don't know. Do ya?","BILLIE JENKINS: Did you get any Snickers?","LEO: Uh, does Piper know about this?","BILLIE JENKINS: Yes, of course she knows about this. Isn't that what I'm doing","here, so I can fight demons so you guys can have a life?","LEO: Such as it is.","BILLIE JENKINS: Wish me luck.","(Leo watches as Billie heads out.)","(In the dining room, Billie passes by the dining room table. She stops and looks at the pumpkin.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Boo.","(Billie leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. SAN FRANCISCO CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[EXT. ALLEYWAY -- NIGHT]","(Billie walks into the alleyway.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Marco ...","(There's no answer.)","BILLIE JENKINS: You're supposed to say \"Polo.\" Come on. I know you're here,","Dogon. I tracked you.","(The Dogon and Tomar shimmer into the alley.)","THE DOGON: Cocky little witch, aren't you? Or foolish.","BILLIE JENKINS: I prefer the former.","TOMAR: Kill her!","(Tomar takes a step forward. Dogon holds up a long-nailed, boney hand.)","DOGON: Not yet.","(This triggers the same memory in Billie.)","[INT. BILLIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK]","(A little girl screams. A little girl gets out of bed. The crawls to another seat and looks up. A long metal-like claw rips through the ceiling like paper.)","(The girl screams.)","(The creature in black flies out the open balcony doors.)","END OF MEMORY","(Billie gasps.)","(Dogon grabs the potions out from Billie's grip. He catches them perfectly leaving Billie defenseless.)","DOGON: You seem to have a little trouble holding on to these. Billie turns and runs. Dogon throws the potions at Billie, nearly hitting her as she dives into the pile of trash in the alley.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Aah! Ohh!","(Billie gets up and runs away.)","(Tomar makes to follow her, but Dogon stops her.)","DOGON: No, let her go. She's not worth the effort. Besides, we have a demon","to wait for.","(Dogon and Tomar shimmer out.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(COMMERCIAL SET)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE BAY MIRROR - BULLPEN \/ PHOEBE'S OFFICE -- NIGHT]","(Phoebe sits at her desk. Everyone else has gone home for the night. Finally, she picks up her bag and heads out. She stops just as Dex enters the bullpen.)","DEX LAWSON: Ahhh. Hi. Interesting advice. \"Do whatever it takes to get somebody you've hurt to call, especially if he's a sculptor.\" (amused) Obviously, you had a very narrow target audience.","PHOEBE: Well, tonight I do.","DEX LAWSON: How'd you, uh, know I'd read it?","PHOEBE: I didn't. It was my sister's idea.","DEX LAWSON: Thank her for me. Look, I'm sorry if I've been a jerk about all of this. It just ...","PHOEBE: It's okay, really. I mean, it's completely understandable.","DEX LAWSON: Sounds like you've been through this before.","PHOEBE: Yeah. Pretty much every time I fall for a guy, this seems to happen ... unfortunately.","DEX LAWSON: Did you fall for me?","PHOEBE: Dex, you know I did.","DEX LAWSON: No, actually, I don't. That's kind of the problem. You said you had a, uh ... what did you call it? A vision or something, a ...","PHOEBE: Premonition.","DEX LAWSON: That we were gonna be married, right?","PHOEBE: Well, yeah, but the whole getting married thing was because of a spell.","DEX LAWSON: A spell?","PHOEBE: Yeah, you -- witchcraft, magic, abracadabra stuff. You know. A friend of ours cast it. I had nothing to do with it.","DEX LAWSON: Yeah, see, and that's kind of my question. Look, I don't pretend to understand everything that's happened here -- I may never -- but between you pretending to be somebody else, premonitions, the spells, how can you be sure you really did fall for me? How can I?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- NIGHT]","(Billie rushes into the attic and stops abruptly when she sees Paige over at the Book of Shadows.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Paige!","PAIGE: Hey, honey, how you doin'? What's wrong? You don't look so well.","BILLIE JENKINS: Yeah. I'm not feeling too great.","PAIGE: Well, then why aren't you home resting?","BILLIE JENKINS: I wanted to check something out in the book about the Dogon, you know, just in case I ever go up against him again. Don't want to let you guys down next time.","PAIGE: Well, as long as next time isn't any time soon, how about you leave the demons to us for a while, okay?","(Paige heads out.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Yeah, right.","(Once she's gone, Billie casts the \"To Erase Painful Memories\" spell again.)","BILLIE JENKINS: After this cruel memory is seen and said, erase these thoughts from my heart and head.\"","[INT. BILLIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK]","(A little girl gets out of bed. The crawls to another seat and looks up. A long metal-like claw rips through the ceiling like paper.)","(The rip in the ceiling vanishes.)","(The creature in black flies out the open balcony doors, a little girl in his arms.)","(The creature and the little girl vanish.)","END OF MEMORY","(Billie opens her eyes and takes several deep breaths.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. PARRA RESIDENCE - SETH'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT]","(The clock reads 11:52p. There's a half-filled bottle of hard alcohol on the table. Wind blows through the open window.)","(Seth is sleeping on his stomach in the center of the bed.)","(Paige orbs in.)","(She looks at the windows, then back at Seth sleeping.)","(She swallows the potion and changes into the ghost of Carol Flowers.)","PAIGE (AS CAROL FLOWERS): Windows!","(The windows slam shut waking Seth Parra up.)","SETH PARRA: What? What was that? What the hell? Who -- who are--who are","you?","PAIGE (AS CAROL FLOWERS): What's the matter, Seth? Don't you recognize me? You killed me.","(She rises up in the air)","SETH PARRA: Help. Help!","PAIGE (AS CAROL FLOWERS): Sock!","SETH PARRA: Help!","(The sock from the drawer orbs into Seth's mouth.)","SETH PARRA: (muffled) Help","PAIGE (AS CAROL FLOWERS): Belts!","(The belts from the table orb and strap Seth's wrists to the bedposts.)","PAIGE (AS CAROL FLOWERS): You used me. All you cared about was getting your","story! You didn't care what would happen to me. Look at me.","SETH PARRA: (whimpers) Mm ...","PAIGE (AS CAROL FLOWERS): Look at me! This is what your precious story did! This is what you did! If you ever hurt anybody again, I'll be back ... for you!","(The apparition flies straight into Seth Parra and vanishes.)","SETH PARRA: Ohh!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. MANOR - STAIRS\/FOYER - NIGHT]","(Billie comes down the stairs. Halfway down, she stops, confidently jumps and flips over the banister and onto the floor below. She lands effortlessly. She steps out into the foyer, looks back, then hurries out of the house. The door closes behind her.)","[EXT. STREET (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[EXT. ALLEY -- NIGHT]","(Dogon has his claw-like hand wrapped around a blonde-woman's neck, her back to the brick wall. He squeezes and lifts her up off the ground, her feet dangling.)","DOGON: You don't fool me. I have been waiting for you, Abet.","(The blonde-haired woman morphs into a demon.)","ABET: I'll see you in The Wasteland.","DOGON: But not for a while. Uhh!","(Dogon's hand glows purple and sucks Abet into himself - powers and all. Dogon turns around and looks at Tomar.)","DOGON: Who's next?","BILLIE JENKINS: (o.s.) Try me.","(They turn around and find Billie standing there.)","DOGON: You're a persistent little witch, I'll give you that.","(Billie throws a potions bottle at Dogon who immediately deflects it. The vials hit Tomar instead and he explodes in a puff of smoke and fire.)","TOMAR: Ah!","DOGON: Overcome your fears, have you?","(He takes a step toward her.)","BILLIE JENKINS: What fears?","(Dogon throws a power ball at Billie who bends back completely avoiding it easily. The powerball explodes behind her.) (She immediately gets up and starts an offense on Dogon - throwing potion after potion, hit after hit after hit after hit on him. He takes each hit in the chest, backing away from the force of the explosion. )","DOGON: Ah! Oh!","DOGON: Uhh!","DOGON: Uhh! Ah!","(Billie continues to advance on him until he explodes completely.)","(She sighs, tugs her jacket straight, turns and heads out of the dark alley.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL - NIGHT]","(Dogon flames into the center of the Great Hall. He grunts with pain. A demon steps forward to check on him.)","DEMON: Are you all right?","DOGON: No! (Angry and humiliated, Dogon throws a fireball at the demon. The demon explodes.)","DOGON: Oh ... I'm not. (He turns to the other demons.) Leave me!","(The other demons exit the hall.)","(Dogon gets to his feet.)","DOGON: I've got a score to settle.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(COMMERCIAL SET)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - SITTING ROOM -- DAY]","(Phoebe walks out of the kitchen carrying a cup of something to drink. She walks through the dining room and into the sitting room. The front door opens and Paige pushes her way into the house amidst the reporters and camera flashes.)","(She shuts the door closed behind her.)","PAIGE: Get! Get ... lost. Get a life or something.","(Paige heads over to Phoebe.)","PAIGE: Ohh! I thought I got rid of them. I can't believe it.","PHOEBE: Really? What made you think that?","(Paige sits down and throws the recent newspaper on the coffee table.)","PAIGE: Well, I thought I scared Seth off, but look at his headline. It's worse","than ever.","PHOEBE: I told you he was a pit bull.","PAIGE: Well, you also said that he gets scared. Remember the whole mafia story, Carol Flowers thing, you said he was haunted by it? So I figured if I could haunt him in real life that --","PHOEBE: -- that you'd scare him off the case.","PAIGE: Yeah. Obviously, it didn't. Piper's gonna freak.","PHOEBE: Sometimes I just wonder if it wouldn't be better to just let the truth out.","PAIGE: You're not serious, are you?","PHOEBE: Yeah. I mean why not? It couldn't get any worse.","PAIGE: Well, yeah, actually it could. I mean, just think of how Dex reacted.","PHOEBE: Yeah. I am.","PAIGE: You spoke to him?","PHOEBE: Yeah. I don't know. It's just so complicated. You know, I find this guy -- this great guy, and then the spell and the premonitions just mess everything up, and I'm left to wonder how I really feel about him. It's just so not fair.","PAIGE: Well, how do you feel?","PHOEBE: Well, I like him ... a lot. But do I love him? Do I want to have his baby and spend the rest of our lives together? I just -- I don't know. And how can I know? Ehh, none of this makes sense.","PAIGE: Maybe you should retake that test. (There's a bang. The front door opens and Leo rushes into the house. He looks even worse than before and a bruise forming on his right cheek.)","PHOEBE: Leo! What happened?","LEO: Where's Piper?","PHOEBE: She's in the kitchen.","(Leo heads toward the kitchen. Phoebe grimaces as she sees Leo leave.)","PAIGE: You know what? (She sighs.) Maybe I should call in the big guns.","(Paige orbs out.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - KITCHEN - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(Piper puts her knife down on the cutting board. She can't believe what she just heard.)","PIPER: I'm sorry, what? You got in a fight? Where?","LEO: At Wyatt's preschool.","PIPER: What did you do?","LEO: Oh, what did I do? I didn't do anything, okay? I was protecting our son. This whole thing got way out of control.","PIPER: Wait. Is Wyatt all right?","LEO: Of course he's all right. A photographer shoved his camera in his face.","PIPER: (chuckles) So, what? You went all Sean Penn on him?","LEO: What? Am I supposed to let it go?","PIPER: Yes! That's precisely what you should have done.","LEO: Oh, so you can turn them into rats, and I can't do anything.","PIPER: You know what? That's different.","LEO: Why because you have powers?","PIPER: Uh, yeah, partly, because I can reverse the damage that I've done. You can't.","LEO: Gotcha. So because you have powers and I don't, I'm just supposed to let it go, maybe let you figure it out for me, go get some more candy?","PIPER: What is wrong with you?","LEO: Never mind.","(Leo turns and leaves the kitchen. Piper chases after him.)","PIPER: Don't you walk away from me!","LEO: Watch me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE - TOWER -- DAY]","(Paige is on the San Francisco bridge tower.)","PAIGE: All right, I am not going anywhere. I'm just gonna stay here and keep","bugging you until somebody comes down here and ... talks to me.","(Jonas orbs in.)","JONAS (ELDER): Hello, Paige. How have you been?","PAIGE: How have I been? You don't know what's going on?","JONAS (ELDER): You didn't ask for our help before.","PAIGE: Oh! So we're being punished for that now?","JONAS (ELDER): No. Of course not. But we didn't get you into this mess. You","did.","PAIGE: \"This mess\"? This mess happened because we almost died fighting for the greater good. We actually made a split-second decision, and, hey, we chose life. I know we've had we've had our differences in the past, but don't you think we maybe deserve a bit of a break here?","JONAS (ELDER): Yes, I do, but getting out of this, turning the cameras away from you won't be as easy as you think.","PAIGE: Okay, well, how about calling The Cleaners down here? They can erase some memories, rewind time -","JONAS (ELDER): Not with this much time. Besides, you already burned that bridge.","PAIGE: Memory dust. Just sprinkle some.","JONAS (ELDER): Too many people involved. There's not enough.","PAIGE: Can you cast a spell or maybe magnify one of ours at least?","JONAS (ELDER): I'm afraid not.","PAIGE: Okay. Well, I am actually open to suggestions.","JONAS (ELDER): The answer to your problems are not magical, Paige. They're human.","PAIGE: Okay, I'm listening.","JONAS (ELDER): Everyone's after an amazing story, aren't they? An extraordinary one? Just show them how ordinary you are. They'll go away.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - PIPER'S BEDROOM -- DAY]","(Leo goes berserk as he rants to Piper.)","LEO: \"Leo, can you pick up the dry cleaning? Leo! Can you drop the kids off","at dad's? Leo! Can you fix the sink?! Leo, can you do this? Can you do that?\" You know, I feel like I'm a freaking handyman again.","PIPER: Well, I'm sorry, Leo, that I work for a living, okay?","LEO: Oh. Oh, okay. And because I do everything else around here, I don't.","PIPER: I don't ask you to do everything else.","LEO: No, no. You just expect it. You know, every time I walk through the door, I never know what's next on your fricking list of things to do, never- ending, by the way.","PIPER: Well, you know what? Welcome to marriage, Leo. It's a partnership. You divide and conquer. What's your problem?","LEO: Only you do the dividing and the conquering.","(In the closer, Leo changes clothes.)","PIPER: Okay, look, I did not ask you to give up your powers, if this is what","that's all about.","LEO: No. But I did not give up my powers to be told what to do all the time, you know? Damnit!","(Frustrated, he throws the shirt in the closet.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - FOYER \/ MAIN HALL -- DAY]","(Downstairs, Paige opens the front doors and invites all the reporters, cameras and other media people into the house.)","PAIGE: Okay, welcome. Welcome to our, uh ... lovely home. Please go on through. Go on through. That's right.","(Seth steps into the house and looks at Paige.)","SETH PARRA: So what's the catch, huh? We all gonna get threatened this time?","PAIGE: Well, only if you steal Piper's candy. Ha ha ha. All right, after you.","That's right. Ooh, wait there for me. (Paige slams the door shuts and heads to the front of the group to start to 'tour.')","PAIGE: The house was built in 1898. We're actually the third generation to own it. Although not really headline worthy.","(Phoebe steps out of the kitchen and sees the group standing in the main hall.)","PHOEBE: Paige, what are you doing?","PAIGE: Ahh, Phoebe, lovely woman, fascinating life. But since she has a daily","column in the paper, there's really not much left to write about, is there? Oop. Smile for the cameras.","(The cameraman snaps a couple of pictures. Phoebe looks even more stressed.)","PAIGE: (to the group) Ahh ... give us a second.","(They step aside in the dining room.)","PAIGE: What's going on?","PHOEBE: I retook the test. It looks like the first one was wrong.","PAIGE: Aw, honey I'm sorry.","SETH PARRA: Now, you talking about the case, are you? I mean, you don't care","to give us a quote?","PAIGE: No. We're actually discussing something private, but I promise, it's not newsworthy. Shall we?","(She shows them to the stairs.)","SETH PARRA: (groans) Oh ...","(The group heads upstairs. Paige puts a supporting hand on Phoebe's shoulder, then leaves to attend to the group.)","[INT. MANOR - PIPER'S BEDROOM -- DAY]","(Piper and Leo argue.)","PIPER: Hey, I did not ask you to be Mr. Mom. You volunteered.","LEO: Yes, but I did not think that it would become a fulltime job.","PIPER: Oh! And so that's my fault?","LEO: No, it is not your fault, okay? It just really sucks.","PIPER: Oh, it sucks? What would you like me to do about the fact that your","life sucks?!","(The door opens. Paige and the group of reporters appear in the doorway.)","PAIGE: Hello.","(Piper turns and looks at Paige.)","PAIGE: (to the group) And for your enjoyment, ladies and gentlemen, a marital","spat. I know, really interesting, probably belongs in the lifestyle section right under the column on stinky diapers.","PIPER: Paige, what are you doing?","PAIGE: Well, I am just showing these fine men and women that even though there's nothing to find, they're destroying our lives anyway. So ... carry on.","(Paige closes the door.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]","(Paige walks into the attic with the group behind her. She points out various items of fascination as she casually stands in front of the bookstand with the Book of Shadows.)","PAIGE: Ahh, here we have my grandma's sewing machine that's broken, and there we have piper's bicycle, flat tire ... um, a bunch of lamps -- Leo needs to fix those -- and oh -- oh, yes. A hanging chair.","SETH PARRA: That's cute, Paige, but it's not gonna work. See, the government wouldn't have faked your deaths unless they had a damn good reason, and none of this changes that.","PAIGE: Maybe you should just think of all those great big stories you're missing out on while you're wasting time on us. See, we're never gonna talk, so this is all you're gonna get.","(He looks at her and nods. Paige shrugs at him. Seth turns to the group.)","SETH PARRA: Let's go. No story here.","(The entire group leaves the attic. Paige turns around and looks at the Book of Shadows and sees that it's open to the page on the spell \"To Erase Painful Memories\".)","PAIGE: Damn it.","(This is not good. Paige heads out of the attic.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY - CONTINUOUS]","(Seth Parra and the reporters on their way out of the house walk past Piper and Leo. Paige rushes down the attic stairs.)","PIPER: What did you say to them?","PAIGE: It doesn't matter because I'm pretty sure Billie is in trouble, again.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. BILLIE'S DORM ROOM -- DAY]","(Dogon drops Billie on her table. She falls to the floor in a heep.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Aah!","(He looks down at Billie.)","DOGON: I've come too far, acquired too many powers to let a little witch like","you embarrass me. It won't happen again.","(Paige orbs in, then promptly orbs out.)","PAIGE: Hey!","(Dogon turns around to look for Paige. With his back to her, Paige orbs in near Billie and orbs them both out.)","(Having lost his chance to destroy Billie, Dogon screams with rage.)","DOGON: No-o-o-o!","[SCENE_BREAK]","(COMMERCIAL SET)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- DAY]","(Piper paces the floor. Paige it at the potions table boiling a new batch. Phoebe tends to Billie's wounds.)","PIPER: We don't have much time. He's gonna track her here sooner or later.","PHOEBE: Hey, is the press still outside?","PIPER: I don't know. I'm afraid to look.","PAIGE: Did you use mandrake root or mustard seed?","BILLIE JENKINS: Mandrake root.","PHOEBE: Now, why didn't you tell us what you were doing? How come you hid it from us?","BILLIE JENKINS: Because I thought I could handle it. I didn't want you guys to give up on me.","PIPER: Now, why would you think that?","BILLIE JENKINS: Well, I overheard you and Piper talking yesterday about how you didn't think I could handle all this, and I just didn't want it to be true.","PAIGE: Why did you think erasing bad memories could help you vanquish the demon?","BILLIE JENKINS: I don't know. All I know is it didn't work.","PHOEBE: Magic can't erase fears. They're part of what makes us what we are, and the only way to overcome them is to actually face them.","BILLIE JENKINS: I don't want face this one.","(Paige hands Piper the vial.)","PIPER: Face what?","(Billie looks at them.)","BILLIE JENKINS: The night my sister was taken. My mom was putting us both to","bed, and it was raining outside.","[INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK]","(Christy leans over Billie's bed.)","CHRISTY: Boo!","(She scares her.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Ohh! Christy, I'm telling mom!","CHRISTY: Big scaredy-cat.","(Christy smiles and heads back to her own bed. Billie holds her stuffed bear closer to her. She's on the bottom bunk. Christy climbs up to the top bunk.) (The balcony doors open. Billie gets up. She sees a dark-figure fly into the room. Billie falls back against the pillows with fear. The light in the Jack- o'lantern flicker.) (The creature with black eyes and silver claws bends over and looks at Billie. He then jumps up.)","(Christy screams.)","CHRISTY: No!","(Billie looks up and the demon's claws rip through the bottom bunk's mattress and boards. Christy continues to scream.)","CHRISTY: No! No! (The demon picks Christy up and flies out of the room with her screaming in his arms.)","CHRISTY: Aa-a-aah!","FLASH TO","END OF FLASHBACK","[INT. MANOR - ATTIC - PRESENT]","BILLIE JENKINS: That was the last time I ever saw her.","PHOEBE: So you have faced this demon before.","BILLIE JENKINS: No, I haven't. The Dogon is different. I know that now, but","he just reminded me of the one that took Christy.","PIPER: What did your parents do?","BILLIE JENKINS: Nothing. I was never allowed to talk about it. They just told me an evil man kidnapped her.","PHOEBE: They didn't tell you it was a demon?","BILLIE JENKINS: They didn't know anything about demons. They just thought I saw a monster under the bed or something like that. They thought I made the whole thing up.","PAIGE: And now you know you didn't. (Billie shakes her head. Dogon shimmers in next to Billie and wraps his claw- like hands around her neck. Billie gasps.)","DOGON: Move and she dies.","(Billie reaches out and takes the potions bottle from Piper.)","BILLIE JENKINS: (whispers) Don't worry.","(The Dogon shimmers out with Billie.)","PAIGE: Okay, what now?","PHOEBE: We trust her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- DAY]","(The Dogon shimmers into the Great Hall with Billie. He throws her on the floor.)","DOGON: I should've known you were working for The Charmed Ones. It explains the hubris.","BILLIE JENKINS: Actually, it seems I've mistaken you for somebody else.","(Dogon holds out his hand, palm down, claw-like fingers extended.)","DOGON: Really? Who?","(Billie opens her mouth.)","BILLIE JENKINS: Ahh ...","(Dogon opens his mouth.)","DOGON: \"Ahh\"?","(Billie throws the potions bottle directly into the Dogon. He swallows the potion and explodes.)","(His mask falls to the floor.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. SAN FRANCISCO CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[EXT. DEX'S BUILDING (STOCK) - NIGHT]","[INT. DEX'S GALLERY\/ LOFT -- NIGHT]","(There's a knock on the door. Dex opens it and finds Phoebe standing there.)","DEX LAWSON: Hey.","PHOEBE: Trick-or-treat.","DEX LAWSON: Let me guess. You're a witch.","PHOEBE: Always.","(She sighs.)","PHOEBE: Can we talk?","(He motions her inside.)","DEX LAWSON: Yeah, sure.","(She walks inside and he closes the door behind her.)","DEX LAWSON: It's not gonna work out, is it?","PHOEBE: (sighs) I don't know. I mean, we've just -- we've been through so","much, you know, so fast ... too fast.","DEX LAWSON: Maybe we need to take things slower. Of course, uh, considering we've already been married and divorced, it's not gonna be easy.","PHOEBE: That's true.","DEX LAWSON: Regardless ... I don't like where things sit.","PHOEBE: No, I don't either. Uh ... I thought I was pregnant, and I didn't know how to tell you.","DEX LAWSON: Are you?","PHOEBE: No, I'm not, but I thought I was, and it scared the hell out of me. Not because I didn't want to be. I did, but I ... Eh ...","DEX LAWSON: It's too fast.","PHOEBE: Yeah.","DEX LAWSON: What's the point of having premonitions if they don't even work out?","PHOEBE: They always work out. It's just sometimes they don't work out the way you thought that they would.","DEX LAWSON: So where do we go from here?","PHOEBE: I guess ... we just take it slow, you know, and try to figure out how we feel about each other without the magic.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM \/ FOYER -- NIGHT]","(The doorbell rings. Paige answers the door dressed up. Piper in a mouse costume carries Chris dressed as a wizard.)","CHILDREN: Trick-or-treat!","PIPER: Wow! Look at you guys. Are you a pirate? Wow, and a dinosaur, and a very scary ghost.","PAIGE: Not as scary as mine was.","PIPER: Uh-huh.","PAIGE: Okay, guys, take as much as you want. Oh, careful, careful, careful. Easy now. Easy. Careful. Oops. Pass it back. There you guys go. Ok, have a great night.","PIPER: It's a candy riot.","PAIGE: Bye. Be careful.","PIPER: I think we just got robbed.","PAIGE: I think so. (Paige closes the door. Piper takes Chris into the sitting room and puts him down in his play pen.)","PIPER: Oh, my goodness.","PAIGE: Hey, if you want to go trick-or-treating with Leo and Wyatt, I can watch Chris.","PIPER: Oh, no. That's okay. I think Leo and I need some space. Apparently, we're having some issues. (Paige puts the bowl of candies on the coffee table, sits down and puts her feet up.)","PAIGE: I hope it's nothing serious.","(Piper sits down next to her.)","PIPER: No. You know, I don't think so. I think just with everything that's","been going on, we've taken each other for granted a little bit, and, you know, we'll be fine.","PAIGE: I hope so.","PIPER: Yeah. Well, now that, you know, all the press is gone and things'll calm down a little bit.","PAIGE: Yeah, except for the demons.","PIPER: Buzz kill.","PAIGE: What? They know we're back. It's only a matter of time.","PIPER: I know, but, you know, we've got Billie to pick up the slack. She can do it.","PAIGE: Ya think?","PIPER: Yeah. What do you mean? She handled the Dogon okay, didn't she?","PAIGE: Yeah. I mean, just the whole thing about her discovering that her sister was kidnapped by a demon. I don't know how soon she's gonna get over that one.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DORM ROOM -- NIGHT]","(On the bed side table is a framed photo of two kids -- Christy with her arm around Billie. Billie looks at the photo, then turns away, thinking.)","(Camera pulls away.)"],"Show Title":"Charmed","Episode Number":"08x06","Episode Title":"Kill Billie V1","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Dawson_s_Creek_02x08.json","Recap":["Joey's \"semi-date\" with Jack prompts a resentful Dawson to join Jen at a party where he carries her like a caveman outside to stop her from doing some things she'll regret. Pacey proves his worth when Andie's mother has an episode during their study session. Mitch fails to understand Dawson's views on their divorce."],"Transcript":["\"The Reluctant Hero\"","CAST","Dawson: James Van Der Beek","Joey: Katie Holmes","Pacey: Joshua Jackson","Jen: Michelle Williams","Andie: Meredith Monroe","Jack: Kerr Smith","Elated about winning the junior division of the Boston Film Festival, Dawson wants to share the triumph and prize money with Joey, whose less-than-enthusiastic response dampens his jubilant mood. As she pulls away from Dawson, Jack edges a little closer and asks her out on a date. Seeking solace, Pacey's guidance counselor paints a bleak picture of his future. Andie helps him buckle down, but she too needs to be saved, when her mother loses her composure in a public place. *Dawson's room - Dawson and Pacey are watching Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and eating pizza.*","Pacey: Mind if I have these extra pepperonis?","Dawson: Shh! Yes for the tenth time.","Pacey: Could you pass me the crushed pepper?","Dawson: Pacey, you're driving me crazy.","Pacey: I'm a hungry person.","Dawson: You're an annoying person.","Pacey: I'm a bored person. I mean, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Dawson? C'mon! It's in black and white!","Dawson: It's a Frank Cappra classic.","Pacey: There's a bunch of dead people in it. Everyone in this movie is decomposing somewhere. It's morbid. You know, we got this whole section at the movie store called \"New Releases\". You should check it out.","Dawson: Pacey, this is a timeless tale about a man faced with his heroic nature.","Pacey: You know, I can't really connect with the whole (missed word) ground. That's more of your style, Dawson.","Dawson: Are you insulting me?","Pacey: Mm-mm. You're an endangered species, my friend. Last of a dying breed, and this movie is killing you softly with it's song.","Dawson: You are insulting me.","Pacey: No. I'm stating the obvious. You take in stray dogs, Dawson. You help old women cross the street. You just say no. You are Jimmy Stewart.","Dawson: What does that make you?","Pacey: The needless waste. Born to walk in the shadows of greater men.","Dawson: Somebody's having a self esteem crisis.","Pacey: Ah, no, no, no. On the contrary, my friend. Knowledge is power. I'm quite happy with my below average status. *Jen appears in the window, drunk.*","Jen: I dropped my purse in the hedge, remind me tomorrow. It's bright in here. Hi Pacey. *She flops on the bed*","Pacey: Looks like you got company.","Dawson: Third time this week. C'mere. *moving towards Jen's feet* Help me out.","Pacey: Once again, hero Dawson to the rescue. This isn't exactly the ideal situation...too bad for you. *Jen sitting up*","Jen: Oohhhhh. I think I'm going to be sick.","Dawson: Wastebasket, quick. *Pacey hands it to him. He puts it under Jen's mouth. Jen leans over it.*","Jen: False alarm. *She flops back down on the bed.*","Dawson: *to Pacey* I don't know what to do about her. She's spiraling.","Pacey: Maybe you should just finish watching the movie. Jimmy Stewart would know what to do. *Cut to Leery kitchen. Mitch is reading the paper. Dawson walks in and spots him, surprised.*","Dawson: Hey, what are you doing here?","Mitch: Oh, I was just packing up some more stuff...movin' out.","Dawson: Oh. Well, have fun.","Mitch: Actually, I was going to see if you could give me a hand later. I thought we could grab a bite to eat, spend some time, be like a friend thing.","Dawson: Sure. Might want to skip the friend thing, I kind of have real friend for that.","Mitch: Look, Dawson. I know this isn't easy for you. And you're disappointed in me, and, believe me, I wish that things could be different, but--","Dawson: They're not.","Mitch: I'm trying here, Dawson. See you after school, then?","Dawson: Sure. *leaving*","Mitch: Oh, before I forget, I grabbed this by accident when I was picking up my mail the other day--","Dawson: *takes the letter* Dad, look, I don't know what exactly you expect from me, but this isn't exactly a transition that I'm thrilled to make. And I don't see how you moving out is a step in the right direction.","Mitch: That's my decision to make. Not yours.","Dawson: I see. *He leaves. When he gets outside, he looks at the letter, he hurries to open it. He reads it, a huge smile crosses his face*","Dawson: Oh my God! *Cut to Pacey in his counselor's office*","Counselor: Well, Pacey, gradepoint average 1.7, currently failing biology, and US History, extracurricular interests, none, tendency to be disruptive in class, has difficulty with tests requiring a No.2 pencil, let's see here, career aptitude tests, well I didn't realize it was possible to fail an aptitude test. This shows that you have absolutely zero career objectives. Congratulations. Most people with your academic record can't walk upright.","Pacey: What are my options?","Counselor: Summer school, followed by a return engagement in your sophomore year, and if by some miracle you make it to graduation, a life of leisure. Until welfare reform kicks in that is. Well, nobody (missed phrase), now I'm really disappointed in you, Pacey. *Pacey sinks down in his chair and lays his head back* *Cut to hallway. Dawson is rushing down it*","Dawson: Joey! Joey, wait up! Joey! We won! *Joey has a confused look on her face*","Dawson: (cont.) We won, you and me!","Joey: What are you talking about?","Dawson: The Boston Film Festival. We won the Juror's prize for the best short film in the Junior division! *Joey is happy.*","Joey: Oh my God!","Dawson: Listen to this, \"The clever send up of the horror genre shows a profound understanding of the traditional Hollywood fascinations and turns them upside down in an entirely refreshing and entertaining way..\" *Joey is even more excited and happy for Dawson.*","Dawson: (cont.)\"..writer and director, Dawson Leery, and producer, Joey Potter, have been allotted a budget of $2500 towards their next project.\" *holding up the check* This is a check for $2500 to finance our next movie. We've already been pre-accepted in their Winter Workshop. *Joey looks up and smiles again, but this time a forced smile.*","Joey: We?","Dawson: Yeah! I mean, I know, I understand that we said we'd give each other space and I totally respect that, but I was wondering, er, I mean, hoping that you would still produce. Think about it. We could actually rent equipment! Say goodbye to holiday lamp(?) lighting and shopping cart dollies. I mean, if we move fast, we could get it finished by the summer, maybe travel with it, go to festivals--","Joey: Dawson. I'm really sorry, but I don't think I could do it. I mean, I don't think I have the time right now. I, I mean, I just signed up for some art classes and between work and school...","Dawson: But we make such a great team. *Joey nods, but still holds firm.*","Dawson: Okay. No, no, I understand.","Joey: Listen, I mean, this is amazing! I mean, you should be thrilled! It's just incredible. It's--","Dawson: Yeah, it is. I am. I am! I'm thrilled.","Joey: *softly* Good.","Dawson: Alright. I'll see ya. *Dawson walks off down the hall. Joey stands there saddened knowing she disappointed him until a hand taps her on the shoulder*","Jack: Joey? You got a second?","Joey: Actually, I'm kind of late for second period..","Jack: Um, look, I'd really like to make things right between us. It will just take a second, okay? It was a full moon. I know that's no excuse, but I'm really sorry. Just tell me what I've got to do to get our friendship back on track here because this whole silent treatment thing is killing me.","Joey: Jack, I'm not giving you the silent treatment, it's just I'm trying to figure things out.","Jack: Yeah, but you've been avoiding me like I have some kind of disease.","Joey: No, I've just had a lot on my mind lately.","Jack: Oh, so you're not mad at me?","Joey: No, actually, I think you had it right the night of the dance. More than anything I guess I was mad at myself.","Jack: Oh, well then, get over it already. This whole line of personal turmoil thing just kind of wrinkles up your forehead. *They laugh*","Jack: Besides, I miss hanging out with you.","Joey: Gotta go.","Jack: Yeah, see ya. *Joey leaves and Jack smiles and runs off towards his class* *Cut to Dawson in the lunchroom, typing on a laptop. Jen walks up and takes a seat*","Jen: Hey you!","Dawson: How's the hangover?","Jen: Ah, post-Advil, fine. So, what are you writing?","Dawson: A script.","Jen: Really? That's great.","Dawson: Yeah, great, and..*pulls out letter* here.","Jen: *reads letter* $2500...Dawson, you won! You actually won.","Dawson: Yeah, I did.","Jen: Congratulations, I am so proud of you.","Dawson: So how does it feel to be the star of an award winning film?","Jen: An honor. Although, next time, I would like to request that you extend my dialogue beyond 'Help' and 'ahhh'.\" *They laugh*","Dawson: That's a deal. *Cut to Pacey and Andie in the lunch line*","Pacey: Then he tells me that I have no future that doesn't involve the fast-food industry.","Andie: And he's called a guidance counselors.","Pacey: Yeah, amongst other things.","Andie: Just because a student doesn't fit into some cookie-cutter mold that the public school system deems acceptable they're ready to write 'em off. I mean, Einstein failed second grade and not because he was stupid but because he was bored. And the incompetency of an inferior public school system failed to recognize it. You know, they'd rather just dismiss someone who's in obvious need of some guidance, rather than reach out to him. I mean, if someone along the way had just taken two seconds to notice, to care, they would have noticed that you need to be rescued not ridiculed. *The entire cafeteria is watching Andie now.*","Pacey: Ladies and gentlemen, Andie McPhee. *They clap.* *Cut to Jen and Dawson. Chris and a friend walk up to them.*","Chris: Lindley.","Jen: Hey, you guys! I was looking for you earlier.","Chris: Impressed at your showing last night. I'm surprised to see you here.","Jen: I recooperate well.","Chris: Hey Dawson.","Dawson: *barely looking up* Sup Chris.","Chris: So, listen, I've got to confess. I am on a mission. Todd, here, is having a p-a-r-ty tonight.","Todd: Kegs and eggs. Party til breakfast.","Chris: Yeah, we're just getting the word out.","Jen: Well, you know that you can sign me up.","Chris: Excellent. See you there. *They walk off*","Dawson: So, what's your deal with him?","Jen: We've just been hanging out. What?","Dawson: Well, I--","Jen: Come on, Dawson. Save me the character dissection. And while we're at it why don't you come with me?","Dawson: Well, let's see. We've got script-writing-career-advancement on one side and useless-drinking-oblivion on the other. That's a tough call.","Jen: Don't judge me, Dawson. If you don't want to go, don't go. That's fine, alright? But just because I'm finally enjoying myself, you don't have to treat me like I've been lost to the other side, okay? And I'm not out of control, all I'm doing is having fun. Alright? It's a simple three-letter word, fun. F-u-n.","Dawson: I didn't say a word, Jen. *Cut to Pacey and Andie*","Andie: This isn't funny, Pacey. It's just that you're entire future is on the line here and I think you should be a little more nervous. I mean, you're so not nervous, you're making me nervous.","Pacey: Now that all my postulating of illigitimy(sp?) has been duely-documented, I kind of feel like a weights been taken off, you know?","Andie: If that's the way that you perceive yourself, then that's the way people are going to look at you. If you act like a joke, people are going to treat you like one.","Pacey: You finally figured it out. I'm not Luke Skywalker, I'm not even Luke Perry. There's no hero here, Andie. I am a joke.","Andie: I'm not coming to your pity party. You know I don't think you're a joke, Pacey.","Pacey: But it's too late. I've spent too long being a screw-up, I'm kind of passed the perverbial point of no return.","Andie: Well, change your course. Break the chain. Anyone can re-invent themselves. I mean, it's America. Madonna does it every week.","Pacey: But I don't know how. I don't know where to start.","Andie: Try starting from the inside. I mean, anyone can change their fate. Heroes are made, not born. *Pacey stares at her and smiles thoughtfully.* *Cut to Jack and Joey in line.*","Jack: Welcome to Shay(?) cafeteria. One of our specials tonight is a chateau bejou par two (sp? it was French I take it..). With a side of baby carrots on a bed of spring lettuce which I highly recommend. Now, we have some other specials tonight which include some reddish-yellow stuff down there, and of course we have this green gelatin dessert with a highly *smells it* suspicious nature.","*Joey laughs.*","Jack: Hey, um, what are you up to tonight?","Joey: Probably just the usual. You know, have my driver pick me up around 8, go for a massage before my catered dinner aboard my yacht, then I may jet over to Paris to see the Matisse exhibit at the Loufe.","Jack: Actually, that exhibit was moved to the (missed word) last week. However, I'm pretty sure I could get us reservations..say 8:00, at Billy's. *Joey looks at him confused.*","Jack: You know, Billy, that hot dog vendor guy down at the dwarf(sp).","Joey: You mean like a date?","Jack: No, no, of course not. It's more like a dat.","Joey: A dat?","Jack: Yeah, you take the e of the date and you have a dat.","Joey: And what do people do on dats?","Jack: Well, there's really no code of conduct. Etiquette is definitely optional. We just kind of make up our own rules and the only requirement is that we have a great time. Oh, and don't worry. I checked out the lunar calendar. No full moon for weeks. *They laugh.*","Joey: You know Jack, you do have a certain charm. *Jack smiles.*","Joey: But, don't worry, I'm going to ignore it and hang out with you anyway.","Jack: See ya. *He goes and sits down with Andie and Pacey.*","Andie: Hey.","Jack: I have a date with Joey. *Pacey just stares at him.*","Andie: That's great.","Jack: Yeah.","Andie: *looking at Pacey* What?","Jack: Ah, Pace, I'm sorry. I know Dawson's a friend of yours.","Pacey: Yes, man, it's okay. Just leave me out of this, alright?","Jack: So look, Andie, I know that it's my night with mom so if you don't want me to go out..","Andie: No, no, no. I have to stay in and study anyway.","Pacey: We have to stay in and study, remember?","Andie: Right...I can't believe I've forgotten. Jack, don't worry about mom. I mean, she's not entirely your responsibility. There's two of us. Besides, with that new medication she's on, she's doing so much better.","Jack: Andie, come on. Mom pulled another sybil last week. Let's be honest with each other.","Andie: Look, just go out with Joey, okay? Everything's under control. I've got it all under control. *Cut to Joey's house. She's getting ready and sees Dawson at the door.*","Joey: Dawson, um, what are you doing here?","Dawson: Um, this is for you. *hands her a small envelope*","Joey: What is it?","Dawson: Half of the prize money. You can use it for art classes or whatever.","Joey: I..I can't accept this. This is for your movie.","Dawson: Jo, I want you to have it. You deserve it. Jo, my intentions here are honorable. I'm not asking for anything in return. I just want you to be happy.","Joey: Well, I could use the money. I mean, thank you.","Dawson: I believe in you, Joey. I always have.","Joey: Thanks.","Dawson: So, um, are you going somewhere?","Joey: No, just hanging out with a friend.","Dawson: Oh. I guess I'll see ya around.","Joey: Okay.","Dawson: Okay..","Joey: Dawson!","Dawson: Yeah?","Joey: Do you think things could get back to normal between us? Could we just be friends again?","Dawson: I'd like that, yeah.","Joey: Good. Okay. *Dawson turns around to leave*","Joey: And, you know, um, whatever kind of movie you decide to make, I know it will be great.","Dawson: I'm thinking of doing a love story. You know, boy meets girl. Boy gets girl. Boy loses girl.....Boy gets girl back.","Joey: *smiles* Dawson..","Dawson: You know me, I'm a sucker for happy endings.","Joey: Yeah..","Dawson: So..","Joey: Well, thank you.","Dawson: Yeah.. *He turns around and his face falls as he spots Jack walking up.*","Jack: Hey.","Dawson: *pauses* Hey. *Joey closes her eyes. Then smiles.*","Joey: Hey.","Jack: Hey.","Joey: Everything okay?","Jack: Yeah, fine. Just saying hi.","Joey: Maybe we should go inside.","Jack: Sure. *Joey looks back towards Dawson walking down the dock* *Cut to Dawson carrying a box into Mitch's apartment.*","Dawson: Alright, last box. So I guess I'll see ya later.","Mitch: Dawson, what's the rush? Stick around. Hang out.","Dawson: Working that friend angle?","Mitch: I was trying. Talk to me. Look, Dawson, we've always been able to talk, freely and openly, I don't want that to change.","Dawson: Okay, let's talk.","Mitch: So, um, how's Joey?","Dawson: Joey dumped me and is falling for another guy, next.","Mitch: Okay, um, Jen?","Dawson: Probably drunk and stuck to a sidewalk somewhere.","Mitch: Dawson..","Dawson: Dad, this isn't going to work, okay? I'm going to get going.","Mitch: You don't have to like my decisions, Dawson. I just ask that you respect them.","Dawson: All I ever do is respect other people's wishes, okay? I'm sick of that. It makes everybody else feel better but it makes me feel like hell.","Mitch: Well, maybe that's just because your only considering the outcomes, and not the intentions. Nobody's out to get you, Dawson. Certainly not me. *He pulls out keys and walks to Dawson* I want you to think of this place, as yours. Now if you need anything, please.","Dawson: You want to be open and honest, right?","Mitch: *nods* Yes.","Dawson: Well, here it goes. I don't want another friend or a buddy. I want a father. Can you respect that?","Mitch: I guess I'll have to.","Dawson: Alright. *He leaves.* *Cut to Jen painting her toenails*","Dawson: Hey!","Jen: Hey Dawson! What's up? Dawson I was just wondering if that invitation to go out with you tonight was still open.","Jen: Really?","Dawson: Yeah I think it's exactly what I need this evening.","Jen: Run-in with Joey, huh?","Dawson: You're quick. No way around that.","Jen: Yes, Dawson, you can come with me, but you can not bitch or moan about my partying habits, you've got to keep an open mind, and no judging.","Dawson: I can do that, maybe.","Jen: And this is not a date. You're way too far gone as a rebound case for me to be even remotely interested.","Dawson: Is it that obvious?","Jen: Dawson, you're so on the rebound, you're practically bouncing.","Dawson: Alright, then tonight will be exactly what I need. What time should I pick you up?","Jen: Actually, why don't I pick you up? 7:00.","Dawson: Alright. That'll work, too.","Jen: This could be good, Dawson. You and me together again.","Dawson: This is not a date, remember!","Jen: And I'm not interested, remember? *Dawson leaves*","[SCENE_BREAK]","*Cut to the party.*","Jen: Don't judge, Dawson.","Dawson: I'm not judging, just observing. The destruction of young America.","Jen: Fun, remember? That's what this is gonna be all about is fun.","Dawson: I think I miscalculated. *They find Chris and Todd.*","Jen: Hello you guys.","Chris: Hey, you guys made it.","Todd: Dawson..you're a surprise, dude. *Chris hands Jen a beer.*","Jen: Thank you.","Chris: You wanna dance?","Jen: Mm-hm. Dawson, come on!","Dawson: No, no, go on, have fun.","Jen: Enjoy yourself, okay? *She runs inside with Chris. Dawson watches her dance and drink and sighs.* *Cut to Pacey walking into the McPhee's backyard.*","Andie's Mom: Pacey! Hello. Nice to see you again. *Andie rushes out*","Andie: Okay, we're going to be upstairs studying if you need anything. Okay, Mom?","Andie's Mom: Would you kids like something to eat? I could make you a sandwich.","Pacey: No thanks, I just ate.","Andie's Mom: What are you studying?","Pacey: Tonight's double feature includes US History and biology.","Andie's Mom: If Tim was here, you could get some help. US History was one of Tim's favorite subjects.","Andie: Okay.. *They go inside*","Pacey: I thought you said your mother was getting better.","Andie: She is. She just slips sometimes.","Pacey: Well, I don't mean to be insensitive, Andie, but she talks about your brother like he's still alive.","Andie: Well, she has her good days and her bad days.","Pacey: And what day is this?","Andie: Pacey.","Pacey: I'm sorry. *They go upstairs. Cut to them going into Andie's room. Pacey walks over to all her prizes and trophies.*","Pacey: You know the only thing I ever won came out of a cereal box? How do you do all this? I know you have a peppy(?) personality, but my God, Andie! On top of everything, you take care of your family and you still find time in the day to rescue a guy like me. Aren't you tired?","Andie: You do what you gotta do. Okay, let's get started. Now, I always allow myself a margin of error for any occasional, unforseen roadblocks. Unfortunatly, you have no margin of error. You are, in what we studious circles refer to as...up crapola creek without a paddle, hanging on to the tenth grade by a thread, one cliffnote away from--","Pacey: Complete and utter disaster. I get it. *Cut to Jack and Joey having a picnic by the river, creek, whatever. Lightning flashes.*","Joey: Whoa.","Jack: Heat lightning. You know, I almost got hit by lightning once when I was a kid. We were playing freeze tag in the park and I froze and CRACK! I mean, I could smell the ground burn.","Joey: Oh my God, did you freak?","Jack: I got fascinated.","Joey: With lightning?","Jack: Lightning's amazing. It's opposite charges attracting until the force just gets so great that the air just kind of breaks down. It's like nature's version of performance art.","Joey: Jack, how do you know all these things that normal people don't know and you don't know the things that normal people do?","Jack: Don't you get bored and watch the Weather Channel?","Joey: No. But, when we were kids, Dawson and I did try to replicate Ben Franklin's experiment with the kite and the key...we almost electrocuted ourselves.","Jack: You and Dawson..","Joey: I'm sorry.I don't know why I brought him up. It's just that we've know each other for such a long time.","Jack: It's okay. I understand. You guys have a history. I mean, he made that pretty clear when he punched me.","Joey: You have to understand Dawson. I mean, life is a movie to him and in the movie the hero always punches out the bad guy. I mean, not that you're a bad guy. It's just that..","Jack: He was upset.","Joey: Yeah.","Jack: I'm sure I would be, too, if I let you slip through my fingers.","Joey: I saw the look he gave you outside of my house tonight.","Jack: Yeah, you were right about that movie thing. He made me feel like I was in the middle of a western, and he was John Wayne challenging me to a duel at sunset. But I'd be up for the challenge though. Some things are worth fighting for. *More lightning*","Joey: God. That is so cool. *Cut to the party. Jen is drunk talking to some guy. I think it's Todd.*","Chris: So...what came of you two? Getting some post-Joey action or what?","Dawson: She's a friend.","Chris: She's a good friend to have. You should have more just like her. You know?","Dawson: You're about as subtle as you are genuine, huh?","Chris: What you see is what you get.","Dawson: Clearly. *Cut to Andie and Pacey studying.*","Andie: After you've read through the chapter once, you want to go back and highlight any of the passages that seem important enough to be given on any given standardized test.","Pacey: Well how do you know what's important? If it's not important, why would you write it down? Who's job is it, who's right is it, to decide what passages are important enough to deserve the attention of a flourescent yellow felt tip marker?","Andie: You're giving me a headache. I need a break. *She sits down on her bed. The phone rings.*","Andie: Hello? Yes, this is Andie. What? Uh, oh my God, um, please don't call the police. Uh, I can be there in 5 minutes, okay? Just give me five minutes.","Pacey: Andie, what's wrong?","Andie: It's my mother. She's at Molly's Market again. *Cut to the market.*","Andie: Hi.","Employee: I didn't call the cops because I think you and your brother are really nice and I really do feel sorry for you, but this is the third time.","Andie: I know.","Employee: But if you can't keep her out of here..","Andie: I know, I know. Thank you.","Employee: I hope I don't have to tell you. This is really bad for business.","Andie's Mom: My husband really takes care of things. You should call my husband. He takes care of things, you know?","Andie: Let's go home, Mom.","Andie's Mom: I can't. I'm sorry, honey. I can't go home. I'm sorry honey.","Andie: Please, let's just go home now, okay?","Andie's Mom: No, I can't.","Andie: Mom, stop it. Please.","Andie's Mom: It's all over! It's all gone. *Pacey walks up.*","Pacey: Hey Mrs. McPhee. Remember me? Pacey?","Andie's Mom: Pacey..","Pacey: Yeah, it's me. What are you doing here? Picking up some groceries?","Andie's Mom: I don't know..I don't know.","Pacey: Don't worry about it. Just help me pick out a couple things..um..hey! They got marshmellows. It's a food group all in it's own.","Andie's Mom: You don't want that. I have some turkey and roast beef in the fridge.","Pacey: You know, that sounds to me like a triple-decker club sandwich. Will you make me a sandwich, Mrs. McPhee?","Andie's Mom: Yes, I can make you a sandwich, Pacey.","Pacey: Excellent. You, Mrs. McPhee, are my savior. C'mon. *They walk out of the store* *Cut to the party. Dawson is walking around and spots Jen and Chris and Todd going upstairs. Dawson follows. He opens a door and catches Todd and Chris kissing Jen on a bed.*","Chris: Hey Dawson. Wanna play? *Dawson rushes in and picks Jen up*","Jen: Dawson, stop it! Put me down!","Chris: What the hell you doing? *Dawson carries her out to the front lawn before he puts her down.*","Jen: I cannot even believe you.","Dawson: Jen, look at yourself! You're drunk and you were hooking up with two guys. Where are you going?","Jen: I'm going home!","Dawson: You're going the wrong way. Jen, stop.","Jen: Why so that you can explain this? So that we can talk this out and you can tell me why you are so determined to pull the plug on anybody that's having a good time.","Dawson: This is not having a good time.","Jen: Oh, maybe not to you.","Dawson: Not to anybody, Jen! You're hiding. You're avoiding dealing with the fact that you're unhappy. And it's disgusting.","Jen: Oh, you're really one to talk, Dawson. Look at yourself, okay? You don't drink, and you don't mess around with anybody or anything but you are the unhappiest person I know.","Dawson: You're absolutely right and I would take my melancholy over this anyday because it's real. I'm not fighting to pretend that I'm having a good time.","Jen: I'm not pretendin' Dawson I was havin' a good time! *Jen gets sick and throws up*","Jen: How's that for irony, huh? Bad girl throws up on a white picket fence. Don't be disgusted by me, Dawson. Don't deal with me. Accept me. And accept the fact that there are people in this world that don't need saving.","Dawson: Jen, you're drunk.","Jen: No, listen to me. I have tried, okay? I have tried to live my life just like you. I just don't have that sort of hope. But if everybody did people like you wouldn't be so special.","Dawson: Jen, you're special.","Jen: No I'm not. You just want me to be.","Dawson: I don't agree with that. Jen, if you weren't so special, you wouldn't be so miserable. C'mere.","Jen: Dawson...I can't go home.","Dawson: I know something that you can go.","Jen: Okay.","Dawson: Alright?","Jen: I'm okay.","Dawson: Ready to go?","Jen: Yeah. *Cut to Joey and Jack*","Joey: Well, Jack McPhee, that was a unique evening.","Jack: Unique, weird or unique, good..","Joey: Unique, fun. So, um, I guess I should get inside. *They kiss*","Jack: You're not going to stop speaking to me again, are ya?","Joey: No, I think you're safe. Crescent moon.","Jack: So, um, maybe we could hang out again?","Joey: Yeah, um, it's a possibility. Unless, of course, I get engrossed in the Weather Channel which isn't likely.","Jack: Don't even try it.","Joey: Hey Jack?","Jack: Yeah?","Joey: I had a really nice time tonight. Thanks.","Jack: See ya. *Cut to Pacey and Andie.*","Pacey: She went out like a light, huh?","Andie: Yeah, she goes way up and then crash(?)","Pacey: Are you going to be alright, Andie? I'm worried about you.","Andie: Look at you. Taking care of my mom, then saving me. Don't you see? You just proved yourself wrong, Pacey. You can be anything you want. What you did for me tonight was nothing short of spectacular. I'm proud of you. *He laughs*","Andie: What's so funny?","Pacey: I'm not really used to hearing those words. I'm proud of you. At least, not when they're directed at me. C'mon.","Andie: Where are we going?","Pacey: Upstairs, to your bedroom.","Andie: Oh really, what did you have in mind?","Pacey: What do you think?","Andie: Pacey!","Pacey: I've still got three chapters to read. *Cut to Mitch's apartment.*","Mitch: How's Jen?","Dawson: She'll be okay. I think. I know I've been really hard on your lately. You've just always been this larger than life, Harrison Ford, ideal to me.","Mitch: No one could live up to that, Dawson. Not even Harrison Ford. That just doesn't seem to exist. In reality, people are flawed. I can be your father, Dawson, and if you let me, your friend. Your call.","Dawson: Then, it's done. *Cut to Dawson bring Jen water.*","Dawson: Hey there, Tiger.","Jen: Dawson Leery, you're my hero.","Dawson: No, not a hero. Just a friend.","Jen: What's it about? Your movie?","Dawson: It's a romance. Star cross'd lovers that kinda thing.","Jen: How does it end?","Dawson: I don't know yet. I haven't finished writing it.","Jen: If you want some editorial advice, Dawson, no happy ending. They're bogus, and pat, and totally unrealistic. Things never end happy in real life.","Dawson: Just get some sleep, you'll feel better in the morning.","Jen: I really wish that were true. No happy ending, Dawson. *Cut to Joey climbing through Dawson's window*","Joey: Hey Dawson-- *She notices he's not there. She sits on his bed and looks at his Jaws stuffed animal. She smiles but then it falls and she sighs and climbs back out the window*"],"Show Title":"Dawson's Creek","Episode Number":"02x08","Episode Title":"The Reluctant Hero","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Dawson_s_Creek_02x12.json","Recap":["The gang explores uncharted waters when Dawson and Pacey go on a father-son fishing trip with Mitch Leery and Pacey's critical and abusive father, Sheriff John Witter, who uses the trip to tell Pacey how useless he is. But tensions really begin to rise when Pacey invites Jack along, who tries to make amends with a reluctant Dawson. Meanwhile, Jen, Joey, Andie and Abby spend a day with Gail doing a report on teenage girls in the consumer world with Abby naturally not passing up the opportunity to insult and provoke conflicts and tension between Mrs. Leery and the girls."],"Transcript":["\"Uncharted Waters\"","CAST","Dawson: James Van Der Beek","Joey: Katie Holmes","Pacey: Joshua Jackson","Jen: Michelle Williams","Andie: Meredith Monroe","ALSO STARRING","Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes","Mitch: John Wesely Shipp","Grams: Mary Beth Piel","Bessie: Nina Repeta","Abby: Monica Kenna","*Cut to Dawson's room. Pacey is pulling darts off a dartboard on Dawson's door.*","Pacey: Well, I think darts may be my destiny, Dawson. Travel around the world as an international renowned master of the darts. I found my calling. *He looks at Dawson who is studying some papers scattered over his bed.*","Pacey: What're you doing over there?","Dawson: Well, I rewatched a bunch of movies and I think I need to dub in some complicated relationships. Trying to, you know, write some complexities of a character in the movie...layer it a little bit. *Pacey laughs. He walks over and takes a seat in the chair next to the bed.*","Pacey: There's the Great Santini.","Dawson: Classic dysfunctional father-son relationship.","Pacey: It's a father who thinks his son's a screw-up, huh?","Dawson: Yeah, pretty much.","Pacey: Yeah, well, you can skip a Blockbuster moment, Dawson. You're going to get plenty of insight into that on our little fishing trip this weekend.","Dawson: Come on...okay, granted your father's a little tense but you tend to exaggerate just a little bit. The Great Santini bounces basketballs off his son's head to make a point. At least your father respects you enough not to do that.","Pacey: Ah, yes, respect. Do you respect your father, Dawson?","Dawson: I'd hate to live in a world where I didn't.","Pacey: That's not the answer.","Dawson: Do you respect your father?","Pacey: Well, I mean, John Witter, the most well-know, well-respected man in Capeside. Fights for safety, fights crime, locks up bad guys, helps little ol' ladies across the street, how could you possibly not have respect for a man like that?","Dawson: That's not an answer, either. *Pacey laughs.*","Dawson: Good ol' fashioned father-son fishing trip. Why do I sense disaster?","Pacey: Tell you what. *gets up and walks toward dartboard* Why don't we let the darts do the talking, huh? If I can hit a bullseye with this *motions to dart in hand* dart in my hand, you and I are in for a weekend of good fun, big fish, and good ol' father-son bonding. *He throws the dart. Dawson and Pacey go up to see...they turn around.*","Dawson: Best 2 out of 3?","Pacey: Yeah. *Cut to two people on bikes coming down the street being followed by a patrol car, as they near we realize it's Pacey and Dawson and the patrol car quickly turns on its siren to signal them to stop. John Witter steps out of the car.*","John: Dawson Leery. Capeside's own cinematic wonder kid. *They shake hands. Dawson smiles.*","John: You aren't going to go forgetting us when you become a big wig out in la-la land, are you?","Dawson: I wouldn't worry about that, Mr. Witter.","John: I'm sure you'll come back and visit Pacey at whatever fast-food joint he's flippin' burgers at. *Pacey turns around and has a frustrated smile.*","Pacey: The Witter's all come from a long line of illustrious professions requiring uniforms. Right, Pop?","John: *turns back to Dawson* Dawson, I spoke to your pop. I expect you both on the dock at O-600 hours. Now, come prepared, both physically and mentally, because you are going to be fishing in the presence of greatness. We are going to bring back the tournament trophy, Dawson. Or we are going to end our lives at sea. Pursuit of the big one that got away.","Dawson: Well, I don't want to disappoint you. My dad and I are not exactly accomplished fishermen.","John: *laughs* Dawson, I have no doubt with your brain and committment to excellence, you'll make a first-rate first-mate. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, keep Pacey out of trouble for me. Will ya?","Dawson: Okay. *John Witter gets in his car and drives off.*","Pacey: Aye-aye capitan.","Dawson: Your father's classic, Pacey.","Pacey: Oh yeah, he's a classic, alright. The man thinks my IQ matches my age. You hear that crack about flipping burgers?","Dawson: Pacey, he was obviously kidding. *Pacey just sighs and turns around and starts biking for school. Dawson stares after him... Cut to Capeside High. Dawson and Joey are walking together down the hall.*","Joey: How's your movie coming?","Dawson: We're in hell right now. We're in scout locations, cast, affording roles, scrounging props and wardrobe, realizing that budget really isn't as big as I first thought it was.","Joey: Sounds like your typical pre-production chaos.","Dawson: Actually, it's really not even chaotic. Jen has everything under control. She's like the troubleshooting dynamo, putting out fires before they even ignite. *Joey's obviously irritated by this.*","Joey: Hm, well, she's never worked on a film of this capacity...how does she even know what to do?","Dawson: I don't know. She's got this inate talent for it which is causing me to step up my game as a director, which is great.","Joey: *getting really irritated* Wow, that's great. Too bad she didn't work on your last movie, I mean, think of how much better it would have turned out.","Dawson: Joey, I'm not comparing her to you... *Joey raises her eyebrows as if to say, \"Uh huh..sure..\"*","Dawson: (cont.) ..working on that movie with you was one of the best periods of my life. I'm just saying it's a surprise, that's all.","Joey: Yeah, who would of thought? *Jen walks up*","Dawson: Jen, that's funny. We were just talking about you.","Jen: *laughs* God, dare I ask?","Dawson: I was just singing your praises, telling Joey what an incredible job you're doing producing.","Jen: Thank you.","Joey: Oh, yeah, I'll just leave you two professionals alone to collaborate.","Jen: No, Joey! Actually it was you I was looking for.","Dawson: Great! I gotta go, anyway. See ya!","Jen: See ya! Um, Joey, I need your help, okay? See, I promised Gail I'd give her a hand in this newsreport that she's doing--","Joey: Gail? Mrs. Leery? *Joey seems disturbed by this, also.*","Jen: Yeah, um, yeah, she's doing a newsreport on teenage girls as the new consumer phenomenon. You know, what they think, what they like, what makes them tick, blah blah blah.","Joey: Oh, so now in your spare time, you're helping produce newsreports for Gail.","Jen: Hardly, I wouldn't say that. She's just letting me watch her in action and you know, pick up a few tricks of the trade. Um, anyway, we really need girls to come by Dawson's house tomorrow to--","Joey: Spill their guts on local television?","Jen: No, no just answer questions on what it's like being a teenager. We really need girls who are thoughtful and articulate and no one speaks their mind more eloquently and honestly than you do. *Cut to rise of sun coming up over creek. Cut to Dawson and his father walking down the dock.*","Mitch: Look at this. *motioning to fishermen nearby* All these people with profound connections to the sea. I mean the idea of the ocean, boundless, mysterious. Life at sea is just about as romantic as love. Kind of makes you want to chuck it all and become a fisherman, you know?","Dawson: Fish is a viable corruption for you now?","Mitch: Ohhh, maybe.","Dawson: What's next, Dad? A fireman? *Cut to Pacey tying some rope. Cut up to Mitch and Dawson.*","Mitch: Permission to come aboard, sir.","John: Ahoy, mate! Permission granted. *Mitch laughs. They shake hands*","John: Hi ya, Mitch.","Mitch: How ya doin' John?","John: Dawson. *Dawson sets his stuff down next to Pacey. Pacey stands up.*","Pacey: Oh, God! Ya know! *Cut to a picture of Jack running down the dock with his stuff, back to Pacey*","Pacey: Dawson, I completely forgot to tell you something yesterday and you are just going to kill me for it. *Cut to Jack who drops something and picks it up and keeps running. Back to Pacey.*","Dawson: Who's being melodramatic all of a sudden? *Jack reaches the boat.*","Jack: Hey guys! I'm sorr-- *Dawson turns around and Jack looks disappointed that he's coming and same with Dawson to Jack.*","Jack: Sorry I'm late. *Dawson gives Pacey a look as Jack climbs aboard the boat.*","John: Pacey, start the line.","Pacey: Yes, sir. *He checks the side of the boat.* Alright, she's clear. *The boat starts to move away from the dock as an angry Dawson puts a hand on the dock holding it for as long as he can before he's out there with Jack.* *Cut to Andie and Joey walking towards Dawson's house as Jen greets them.*","Jen: Hey guys! Thanks for coming. I'm really glad you could make it.","Joey: Couldn't resist seeing the hot new producer in action. *Abby walks out of the house.*","Abby: Oh, wow, I like that camera guy's angle...if you know what I mean.","Andie: Oh God, not you.","Abby: Rude. Where's the love? *Gail walks up holding some camera equipment.*","Gail: We're going to get started in a minute. This was a great idea, Jen. This is going to be fun, don't you think? *Joey looks at her and nods...a little too much. They follow her into the house. Cut to Jack bringing a fishing pole out to the backside by Dawson. He tries to set it up but he can't.*","Jack: Guess my little secret's out. *Dawson just stares at him.*","Jack: You wouldn't exactly call me Ishmal. Ishmal...Moby Dick...","Dawson: Yeah, I read it.","Jack: Yeah, right. Well, this is going to be a fun weekend.","Dawson: So why'd you come, Jack?","Jack: Look, Dawson, I didn't realize you were going to be here. It's a little late for me to make an exit now and survive so why don't you and I try to deal with our little problem here.","Dawson: There's no problem here, Jack. I'm just...amazed at your confidence, you know? That you'd leave your girlfriend alone, this whole weekend, this early on in your relationship while things are still new and vulnerable, still trying to figure things out. 'Cause it's right about now, some new guy, some bumbly, naive, artsy type is going to come along and steal her away right from under your nose. And, trust me, that sucks. *Dawson storms off as we go to a pan across the top of the boat with Pacey in the crow's nest holding up a sign that reads '53' to a nearby boat. Cut to Gail being filmed with Joey and everybody around her.*","Gail: Okay, what do you think is the most important issue facing teenagers today? *She looks around the room.* Joey! *holds microphone up to her, Joey just sits there.* Anyone else? *nobody says anything* Jen, can I talk to you for a second?","Jen: Sure, Gail. *They leave the room.*","Gail: We've been at this all afternoon and we've still got nothing. Do you think the formality is making everyone uncomfortable?","Jen: I think having everybody in one room is making everybody uncomfortable. *Cut back to the living room. Abby is flirting with the camera guy.*","Abby: That camera equipment looks really heavy. You must be built ram-tough.","Camera Guy: Naw, it's really not that heavy. *Gail and Jen walk in and the camera guy walks back over by the camera.*","Gail: Okay, everyone listen up. Jen has this great idea. Instead of doing this interview right out of the gage, why don't we spend a little time bonding? You know, make it a Ladies' night.","Abby: Ladies' Night? How long are we gonna be here?","Andie: Yeah, Abby's got to make the rounds on her broom.","Abby: And Andie's mom might start roaming the city, foaming at the mouth.","Gail: Hey, hey, hey! Let's just get to know one another a little better. Connect with one another, okay?","Abby: Oh, God, I'm going to need a drink.","Gail: No alcohol, but I do have enough junk food in that kitchen to fulfill anyone's cravings. And it's all yours, if you bear with me. *Cut to the fishing boat.*","John: Gentlemen, this is not a pleasure trip. You are not on a Carnival cruise, we've got a job to do. We need to work together like a well-oiled machine. Somewhere out there is a fish. A very big fish that's going to hitch a ride with us back to Capeside. Mitch, you and Dawson work the port rigs.","Mitch: Aye-aye, Skipper.","John: Jackie Onassis there can handle the starboard poles with me.","Pacey: That makes me the odd man out.","John: Yea.","Pacey: You know, Dad, I may not be a charter member of the National Brain Trumps but I think I know how to handle a fishing rod.","John: Pacey, I need you to do everything else. Rig the begs, raise and lower the anchor, back up the anguish. Your job is most important. Who do you think raised the flag in Hiroshima? General McCarther? No, it was the grunts.","Pacey: Dad, we're fishing. Not storming the beaches of Normandy. *John just laughs.*","Pacey: *under his breath* This sucks.","John: A lot of things in this life suck, Son. It's my job to prepare you for that inevitability. *Cut to Jack swatting a bug by his ear, the Dawson and Mitch leaning against the side of the boat, then a far off view of the boat. Cut to Andie eating Chester's corn puffs it looks like...something like that.*","Abby: I'm bored. I think it's time for a field trip..upstairs.Cruise the contents of Dawson's room....don't even try and pretend you're not interested.","Joey: It's up to Abby to come up with the most obnoxious pasttime imaginable.","Abby: Fine! I don't mind flying solo. *She heads upstairs...Jen, Joey, and Andie follow.* *Cut to Jack handing Dawson a sandwich.*","Dawson: No thanks.","Jack: Look, Dawson, it's not imperative that you and I become friends.","Dawson: Good.","Jack: I just thought it might be nice that's all. *Jack takes off his life jacket and sits down.*","Jack: You don't know this, alright? I didn't steal Joey away from you. I mean, you of all people should know that she's got a strong will and is as intelligent as a Rhodes scholar...she's not the kind of girl who lets herself get stolen.","Dawson: You don't know anything about her. And, secondly, if you think everything's over between Joey and me, and done with, you're massively dillusional.","Jack: Maybe. Fact of the matter is, Joey and I have something and you aren't going to like it. But if you have any respect for Joey, you better respect me. *Dawson just raises his eyebrows. Jack walks away. Cut to Abby opening Dawson's closet doors.*","Abby: I think I'm on the verge of uncovering scandalous comfort wear...*looks at an outfit* Yep, I think I've hit pay day! *Jen and Joey close the closet doors on her and Jen leans against them. Joey laughs.*","Abby: Guys! *banging on door* Hey!","Andie: Hey, guys. Guess what I found tucked behind Jaws? \"Good Will Humping\"! *Joey and Jen's eyes get big as they walk towards her and Abby comes out of the closet...literally not figuratively. Cut back to the boat.*","Jack: Wo! Wo! Guys, I got one! *They rush over to him. John sits down and starts reeling it in and the line breaks.*","John: Where's the new pole?","Pacey: On the other side. What? It doesn't matter what side the pole's on.","John: This is what I mean, Pacey. It's the same thing with you over and over again. The simplest instructions in the world and you find any excuse not to follow them. How do you expect me to give you more responsibility if you can't even adhere to the most rudimentary directions. When I speak, you listen. Don't think, just do! Please! I'm not asking that much! *He walks off. Dawson comes up*","Dawson: I've finally shaken Jack for two seconds. Can you tell me what the hell you were thinking when you invited him?","Pacey: I'm sorry, man. Andie's just been nagging me excessively about including the guy. He doesn't know any guys in town. His mother just keeps on getting worse and worse. I guess I took pity on him, yeah?","Dawson: Alright, that's fine. But how could you forget to tell me? Alright, Pacey? Come on! I could of had some preparation time before facing my adversary.","Pacey: You know what? Screw you, Dawson. Not all of us can be the fair-haired embodiment of perfection, alright? Not everyone gets wonder king and genious attached to their name. Some of us are just simple-minded folk trying to make it through the day without breaking anything. *Cut to the four girls sitting on Dawson's bed watching \"Good Will Humping\". They're making disgusted\/laughing\/surprised faces.*","Abby: You are aware that where this tape begins, Dawson finished.","Andie: Finished what?","Jen: Shaking hands with the other boy.","Joey: Waxing the bald-headed bishop.","Abby: Test-firing the missile.","Andie: Okay, I got your point guys. *they watch the TV. Joey turns her head.*","Joey: How does she do that?","Andie: I'm not that limber.","Jen: Where do these women come from? *They all scream.*","Jen: What sort of career is this?!","Abby: Hey! Getting paid for something, you're good at...something they love. Hey Jen, in a couple of years, that could be you! *Joey and Abby laugh*","Jen: You know what, that's really not funny.","Joey: I didn't say anything. *Gail enters the door.*","Gail: Hey ladies! *Andie jumps off and shuts of the television.*","Gail: Whatcha watchin'?","Andie: Um, nothing. Um, we're watching an educational video for school, it's, um, we're studying human anatomy!","Abby: No, it's a porno we borrowed from Dawson's video collection! *Andie's eyes get huge.*","Abby: Mrs. Leery, you have to face the music. Your son is a pervert! What! I'm not going to lie. Unlike some people, I do have morals.","Gail: I think we should leave poor Dawson's room, don't you? *Abby, Andie, Jen, and Joey follow her out if the room. Jen stops Joey.*","Jen: Joey, um, I've played armchair psychologists for so many hours, trying to analyze why you're so consistently hostile to me in your actions and your attitudes. And the only theory that I've been able to come up with is you somehow felt threatened by my relationship with Dawson, but that theory just doesn't stand up anymore. I mean, you won in that rivalry, Joey. Hands down. I just want to know why you're still treating me like I'm this vixen that came into town and stole away your one true love.","Joey: You are so disingenuous.","Jen: What?","Joey: Look, you want our relationship to change, Jen? Then stop encroaching on what's mine. I mean, you systematically continue to recast yourself in my role. I mean, everytime I turn around I'm being replaced by you in some form, and then, you're fain, shocked, and surprised when I resent you for it.","Jen: How have I replaced you, Joey?","Joey: Oh, well, first you were Dawson's girlfriend, and now your his producer, his collaborator, his best friend. I mean, you've adopted his interest in his dreams and now his mother. I mean, what's next? Are you going to get a job at the Icehouse and take up watercolors?","Jen: I love how you demonize me, Joey, instead of recognizing your own, rampant insecurities.","Joey: Fine, maybe I am slightly insecure, but maybe you just won't own up to your own motives. See, when Dawson chose me, I think your ego was bruised. And deep down, you still want to win. You still want him back.","[SCENE_BREAK]","*Cut to the guys entering a bar by the dock.*","John: Alright, now, although today's display of angling ineptitude reached a new low, we'll put it behind us. Oh, hear that!","Mitch: What?","John: It's a dartboard calling my name. Who's man enough to go toe-to-toe with the master? C'mon, Mitch, you and me, buddy.","Mitch: I'll give it a try.","John: Drop anchors there, boys. *Cut to Dawson, Pacey and Jack playing pool.*","Dawson: I hope my dad doesn't have too much fun otherwise by tomorrow he'll be drawing up plans to open a seedy, dockside tavern.","Pacey: How could you possible find justification to criticize a man like your father?","Dawson: I'm afraid his mid-life crisis isn't going to end. He's going to wind up a homeless street mime. What the hell is your problem?","Pacey: You don't see what's going on, Dawson? *Dawson just stares at him cluelessly.*","Pacey: Come on, nobody's that oblivious. Not even you.","Dawson: Alright, then why don't you tell me whatever it is you have up your ass 'cause you're about to rip the felt. If you're mad at your dad, tell him. If you're mad at me, let me have it.","Pacey: It's just that simple for you, is it, Dawson? You can just go up to your dad and say 'Gee whiz, pop, I have a problem. Let's talk about this. Heart-to-heart, man-to-man.' That's your wonderful life, not mine. You've gotten a glimpse into the hell that is my life.","Dawson: So then why is my mere presence suddenly a detriment to your happiness? *Jack walks up.*","Jack: So that Mr. Witter has put you up on such a towering pedestal that you're what? A mere presence, Dawson? C'mon, it's an icon Pacey couldn't possibly live up to! *Jack walks off.*","Pacey: It's your shot. *Cut to the Leery living room. Gail is interviewing the girls.*","Abby: Adults idealize their childhood, and that leads to censorship.","Gail: Thank you, Abby. So Andie, why do you think girls are such trendsetters?","Andie: Well--","Abby: Well, it's not because they're so cutting edge. It's because they're insecure. And popular culture capitalizes on that. I mean, girls think, \"If I go out and buy this lipstick...,\" or, \"If I watch that TV show..\" or listen to this music, I'll be popular. I mean, look around this room. Every one of these girls is incredibly insecure. I mean, I can't even speak my mind anymore without stomping on somebody's feelings. I make a cancer joke, and Joey gets upset. Or I make a crazy joke and Andie gets upset. Or you make a crack about ho bags and Jen starts humping the couch.","Jen: Oh, screw you, Abby!","Abby: See what I mean?","Gail: Okay, stop rolling, Perry. Abby, I think we've heard enough of your opinions so...thank you for coming.","Abby: You're asking me to leave? Uh, you can't be kicking me out because what about sisterhood and all that junk about female-bonding.","Gail: Goodnight, Abby.","Abby: What kind of journalist, are you? Oh, yeah I know. A trashy one who sleeps around. *Cut to the boat tied by the dock. Dawson walks up by his dad who's laying out his sleeping bag.*","Mitch: Hey.","Dawson: Hey Dad? What are you going to do?","Mitch: Well, I just thought I'd sleep right out here under the stars.","Dawson: No, not that. I mean....with the retaurant...Mom....your life?","Mitch: I wish I knew.","Dawson: Are you okay for money?","Mitch: Yeah, for now.","Dawson: Dad, I gotta be honest. I mean, as glad as I am that we can have this father-son bonding moment...I think a weekend fishing trip would be the least of your priorities...I mean, shouldn't you be out trying to procure some kind of employment or at least establish a game plan?","Mitch: I'm sorry you're disappointed in me. I want to be the kind of man that you can respect. But, I don't know, there must be something out there, musn't there? Something for me. Something that I can put my heart and my passion behind. Now, I can't stop lookin' for that...until I find it. *Cut to the bar.*","John: Good game, Pete. Where'd everybody go?","Pacey: They went back to the boat.","John: Pacey, c'mon, you and me. Good ol' father and son. One on one.","Pacey: You're drunk, Dad. *John downs another glass.*","John: Look, Pacey, I know you think I'm being hard on you but it's my job to protect you. C'mon. Show me what you got. Let's go! Let's see what you can do. This youth against the master. You ready?","Pacey: The master, huh? *John laughs.*","John: Watch this....you ready? *throws dart* There! This will warm you up a little bit. Go ahead.","Pacey: Warm me up?","John: Watch this guys!","Pacey: Strike out that arm you know?","John: Hey, come on. *Pacey smiles and throws the dart.*","Pacey: I'm sorry.","John: Don't try or nothing here, Pacey. Watch how it's done. *throws dart* Beat that! *John laughs. Pacey beat his dart.*","John: It's done very simply. *he throws the dart* YES! Beat that! *hits him on the shoulder* BEAT THAT! *Pacey turns and looks at his dad's serious face, turns back to the dartboard, and purposely blows it.*","John: Listen, there's nothing wrong with losing, Pacey, as long as you do it gracefully. GREGORY GET ME A DRINK! I won! *Pacey grabs the darts off the board...the first dart he throws hits the bullseye. Cut to Jen, Joey, Gail, Andie, and the camera man in a dimly lit living room.*","Jen: I think that Abby was right. About the fact that, I mean, the reason teenage girls are such consumers is from the fact, I mean, from insecurity. *timelapse*","Andie: I, um, have this need to look and be perfect. My home life is in total chaos and I feel like if I get straight 'A's or if I'm involved in every activity, then...you know, people won't know that I'm this fraud and that I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going. *timelapse*","Jen: I mean, when I first came here from New York, I felt relief. Trying to compete in that hyper-accelerated world, I mean, I was in the fast lane to self-annihilation. And then, when I got here, I figured maybe I didn't have anything to prove and that I could finally slow down. But having all that experience just came back to haunt me. I mean, in New York I was the precocious ingenue and in Capeside, all I'll ever be known as is the New York wild child, town slut, bad girl... *timelapse*","Joey: So when somebody comes along who has seen things that I've never seen or done things that I've only dreamed about, my defenses go up because I...I can't compete with that. I don't know. I think...I think I'm just Joey Potter, you know? You know the small town girl who will live and die on the creek. You know, and as much as I completely disdain that identity, you know, it's all I've got. And I dunno, so if I ever feel like, you know, somebody is going to steal that measly bit of self that I have or that or that small amount of love that I've somehow managed to accumulate, I feel threatened and I go for the jugular. I admit it.....I admit it... *Cut to Dawson climbing onto the boat where Jack's laying down.*","Jack: Hey Dawson!","Dawson: Jack, whatever it is, I'm tired and I've had enough drama for one day.","Jack: Oh, I think I'm going to be nautious.","Dawson: You're sick?","Jack: Yeah. The boat's just still rocking...I've been trying to play it cool...but ever since I set foot on this boat...I've felt like I'm going to barf.","Dawson: I know the feeling. This isn't exactly how I envisioned this whole father-son outing.","Jack: I haven't had a father-son weekend in a long time.","Dawson: Where is your dad, Jack?","Jack: I tell you where he's not. He's not here. Of course, if you ask my mother or my sister, they'll tell you he's up in Providence taking care of the business. Truth is, he's up in Providence 'cause he left us.","Dawson: I know how that feels.","Jack: Dawson, your father moved up the street. My father's gone. Try and put that in perspective. *Cut to Pacey walking his dad, who's drunk, down the beach. They fall.*","John: We're on the ground. *He closes his eyes and falls asleep or passes out.*","Pacey: So I guess this is as good of time as any to have that father-son talk. *in a gruff voice* So, how ya doin' in school, Pacey? *back to normal* Actually, Dad, I'm doing alright. I'm really turning things around. Turns out I'm pretty smart. *gruff voice* Good man, Pacey. Always knew you'd turn out to be something. How the ladies treating you? *back to normal* Well, I met this woman. *gruff voice* Is she cute? *back to normal* *laughs* Aw, cute, man. Andie's beautiful. She's smart. She's funny. I tell ya, this girl is something special.For whatever reason, she seems to think I'm pretty special, too. Why can't you see that? Why can't you see me, huh? When did you give up on me? When I was 5? 10? 12? I'm 16 years old, Dad! *starting to cry* And I'm here and I'm not provin' that but I'm tryin' so hard for you. It's your job. It's your job to love me no matter who I am or what I become because you're my father! You're my dad! You're supposed to love me you son of a bitch. I can't do this by myself. *Cut to the boat in the morning. Jack is asleep in a chair. Something starts pulling on his line.*","Dawson: Wo! Hey!","John: That's it. Whew!","Pacey: On 3. 1...2...3. *Jack and Pacey lift the rod out of the holder.*","John: Don't panic! Keep your back straight in that chair.","Pacey: Wait a second. Slow it down and pull it up at the tip. Ready? Go. *Jack does so.*","Pacey: Okay, when you go down reel. *Jack goes down.*","Pacey: Reel! Reel, reel, reel! Hey, nice fish you got on there, Jack. Reel, reel, reel it!","Jack: You do it!","John: Come on!","Jack: Here!","John: Get in there, Pacey. *Pacey sits down and starts reeling him in.*","John: Alright, give him some line. We got a big one out there the size of Texas. Keep him coming. Keep him coming...yes...come on....come on... *They finally get the fish in and they take a picture of Pacey holding the huge fish.* *Cut to Gail and Joey in the Leery kitchen the next morning.*","Gail: Joey, I just want to thank you for everything. I just, I can't tell you how much it meant to me.","Joey: No problem. I'm going to go home now.","Gail: Um, honey...I, um, have a confession. As I was listening to you girls talk so beautifully about your fears and your dreams...I started to feel a little bit sorry for myself.","Joey: Why?","Gail: I don't know. I think, you know, because I've always wanted a daughter. I mean, I love Dawson more than life but men are men...and women are women.","Joey: Right. The great divide.","Gail: But then I realized....I have you. You're my surrogate daughter, Joey. I have always felt that way and, honey, I am so proud of the woman you've become. Come here. *They hug.*","Joey: Thanks. *Cut to Andie walking outside. She sees someone sitting in the lawn chair and walks towards them. It's Abby.*","Andie: Abby? What are you still doing here?","Abby: I'm waiting for my mom. She thought I was spending the night.","Andie: Have you been out here all night?","Abby: What do you care?","Andie: I don't care.","Abby: I bet you don't.","Andie: Well, Abby, what do you expect? Your favorite pasttime is making my life a living hell.","Abby: That's not what I do. I play such a crucial role in this little circle and you all are too unimaginative to even notice. I'm the girl everyone loves to hate. I'm the scapegoat. I'm the one you can take all of your anger and aggression out on and never lose a moment's slept over.","Andie: Um, excuse me. You have it mixed up, Abby. You trash us. You're mean.","Abby: Well being sweet is boring! I don't have family lives like you guys. My mom isn't a lunatic. My dad isn't in prison. I'm not the prodical daughter from New York. My parents' divorce is boring. My house is boring. There's no entry. No drama. So you know what? I create drama. And I think it's a valid extra-curricular activity.","Andie: Abby, you don't even realize how lucky you are. What you have, I've always wanted. I've always dreamed of. A normal life with regular parents and regular problems.","Abby: Well, the grass is always greener right?","Andie: Interesting.","Abby: Yeah, whatever. My mom's here so I guess I'll see you in school. *She walks away and she turns back around.*","Abby: Do you need a ride or something?","Andie: Sure. Thanks, Abby. *Cut to Joey walking into Dawson's room where Jen is.*","Jen: Hey.","Joey: Hey, um, listen...","Jen: You know, Joey--","Joey: No, let me talk. I've been thinking--","Jen: I know, I've been thinking, too.","Joey: No, I've been thinking more, okay?! *Jen laughs and Joey sighs. They sit on Dawson's bed.*","Joey: I've been thinking that it kind of sucks that, uh, the people who I respect the most are the people who I've become the most competitive with. I wish there was some way to, uh--","Jen: You know for all your thinking, you're not being very articulate.","Joey: *smiles* I'm trying to apoligize here.","Jen: I know, I know, and I'm kidding. Joey, I'm sorry. I mean, I totally understand what you're trying to say and, um, I think that you're right. That we have been locked at a stalemate for way too long. And I think that there's room in Dawson's life for me...without replacing you.","Joey: No, listen Jen. We can sit here and rehash all of our old problems and disect and deconstruct all of our petty rivalries but I guess what I'm trying to say is that...I respect you. I respect who you are.","Jen: Thanks, Joey.","Joey: Sure.","Jen: You, too. *Cut to Pacey and his dad accepting the fishing trophy. Then to Dawson standing by Jack. Dawson sticks out his hand towards him.*","Dawson: See you, Jack. *They shake hands.*","JAck: Yeah, see you, Dawson. *Cut to Pacey and his father.*","Pacey: I will never in my life for as long as I live forget the feeling of adrenaline that I got when I felt that one strong tug on the line and I knew that the fish had surrendered to the greater power.","John: *handing him trophy* Here, you take this, Pacey.","Pacey: Thanks.","John: Be proud of yourself. Enjoy this moment. You probably won't have many more like it. *John walks away and Pacey sighs and sits down on a crate. Dawson walks over.*","Pacey: Do you have any idea how many times I set myself up for that one? I mean, over and over and over again, I just can't seem to stop myself from trying to get one unqualified, \"Good job, son.\" from that b*st*rd. I really must be a Simpleton.","Dawson: I know it sounds the same, but there are people in your life whom recognize and respect your talent and intelligence. One of them is standing in front of you, and the other one is probably sitting in her bedroom right now, having a perky coronary in anticipation of your return home from the sea.","Pacey: Yeah...yeah...thanks, Dawson. *Cut to Dawson and his dad unloading Dawson's stuff from his car in front of the Leery house.*","Mitch: Listen, Dawson, father-son relationships are excruciatingly complicated. I mean, I spent my entire life trying to figure out the dynamic I had with my own father. But, uh, I'll keep trying. Until the day I die. I'll do the best I can to be the best father to you that I know how.","Dawson: Dad, I know. And thank you.","Mitch: For what?","Dawson: For allowing me to make a multitude of mistakes, never making me feel inadequate. I know that my ability to dream without boundaries comes from you and you've never disappointed me, okay? I mean, I worry about you, but I respect you more than anybody I've ever known. And I know, especially after today, how lucky I am to have you as a father.","Mitch: Come here. *Mitch pulls him in for a hug.*","Dawson: Don't get all sappy on me now.","Mitch: Thank you, Dawson. *Mitch starts to go inside but then remembers that it's not his home anymore.*","Mitch: Goodnight, Son. *Dawson goes into his house as we fade to end credits.*"],"Show Title":"Dawson's Creek","Episode Number":"02x12","Episode Title":"Uncharted Waters","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Dawson_s_Creek_03x05.json","Recap":["Dawson gets increasingly annoyed when Eve won't give him any details about her mysterious life. He and Pacey set out to find out more, but Dawson is knocked sideways when he discovers the shocking connection that Eve has to Jen. Joey's misgivings about her slimy boss, Rob, lead her to gatecrashing his date with Andie, but her goodwill backfires when Rob later fires her. Jack deceives Jen in his effort to set her up on a date with Henry, one of his teammates."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Pacey and Dawson are there. Pacey is talking into a fan.]","Pacey: [imitating Darth Vader] Luke, I am your father.","Dawson: Pacey? You're monopolizing what's passing for a breeze.","Pacey: Ahh. Dawson, this is gonna go down as one of the most abysmal movie nights ever.","Dawson: [Laughs] care to elaborate?","Pacey: Well, look around you, my friend. We're 2 happening young guys in the prime of our lives, who can't find anything better to do than sit in some dark room on the middle of an armpit-staining indian summer and watch old movies. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, Dawson, but didn't we used to have a couple of really cute girlfriends?","Dawson: It was a long time ago, Pacey, in a galaxy far, far away. [Sighs] God... I can't wrap my head around this film noir stuff. It's making it really difficult to turn out a paper on it.","Pacey: Well, of course you can't wrap your head around it, Dawson.","Dawson: Excuse me?","Pacey: Well, what we're watching here is the cinema of cynicism. No self-respecting son of Spielberg would feel comfortable in a morally ambiguous world populated with hard-boiled antiheroes and duplicitous femme fatales.","Dawson: You know what? Could we just reschedule this verbal joust, pace? It's a little too hot for spiky repartee.","Pacey: [Laughs] Mmm. But this, right here? This is celluloid a fellow like me can relate to. Pacey Witter is nothing if not the walking, talking embodiment of the fallible protagonist.","Dawson: Ok, Johnny anti-hero, explain to me this, how can this guy not know that this woman is setting him up for a fall of epic proportions?","Pacey: Because, Dawson, not all of us are as immune to the lure of s*x as you are. I mean, not all of us would opt for the warm and fuzzy emnal connections over those of, let's say, a more physical nature. You know what I mean? Most of us are just big, dumb guys happy to sell our souls for the slimmest chance of gettin' some.","Dawson: Can I quote you on that?","Pacey: Oh, yeah. Witter, 2 \"t's.\" Fun time's over. All this rapid-fire deconstruction is making me weary, Leery. I think I shall retire to cooler climes, namely, the air-conditioned interior of my pop's squad car.","Dawson: Good night, Pacey.","Pacey: Mm-hmm.","[Dawson looks out his window, and notices some light coming from inside the Lindley house. He picks up the phone and calls the police.]","Dawson: Yeah, I'd like to report a possible robbery.","[He goes outside and discovers someone climbing out the window, and when he gets to her, he finds out that it is Eve.]","Eve: Hi, Dawson.","[Opening Credits.]","[Scene: Dawson's House. Dawson is dragging Even inside.]","Dawson: Ok, explanation.","Eve: Ouch! Thanks to your nosy neighbor antics out there, Dawson, I fell down and went boom. Kiss and make better?","Dawson: Eve, I just called the police. They're gonna be here any minute.","Eve: Ok, I'll spill. We didn't want you to find out this way, Dawson, but me and Jen? We're having ourselves quite the torrid little affair. Sleep-overs, late night pillow fights, brushing each other's hair, tickling each other's arms, all that groovy stuff we girls do in pretty pink rooms, behind closed doors.","Dawson: There was a breaking, there was an entering, and there was a flashlight. All that's missing is a ski mask.","Eve: Good god, not even he suggestion of teen lesbianism can get you off my case. Can we just, like, make out or something? Let me kiss all your queries away.","Dawson: Eve, either you tell me your version, or I tell the police mine.","Eve: Fine. Do what your big, bleeding heart wants, Dawson, but here a filthy 4-letter word for you, and don't you dare blush. P-S-A-T, baby. Don't you remember where you were when the cataclysmic PSAT scandal of '99 went down? I for sure do.","Dawson: Is that some sort of threat, Eve, because if I may remind you, you're the one that actually stole the test.","Eve: And may I remind you thaw you're the one who gladly accepted the offer? So feel free to get all boy-scouty on me, Dawson, but you should know I get quite the perverse little thrill out of making things profoundly uncomfortable for you and the rest of the \"sweet valley high\" extras you call your friends?","[Knocking]","[Dawson answers the door and Deputy Doug is ther.]","Dawson: Doug, hi. Uh, my sincerest apologies. I--I thought I saw something next door, but it was actually just, uh, Jen, uh, sneaking in the window so as not to disturb Grams.","Doug: You sure about that, Dawson?","Dawson: Yeah. Yeah, just...","Doug: Ok, then.","[Scene: In an open field. Jack and Jen are lying down on a blanket staring up into the sky.]","Jack: I saw this article in this magazine once, they put this thing up in the sky, so that the kids studying astronomy could track something during the night, and I think that is it, or maybe that's it.","Jen: Wait. You, you expect me to believe there's some sort of giant disco ball orbiting the earth?","Jack: Ok, when you put it like that, it sounds kind of stupid. Maybe we should start thinking about getting out of here.","Jen: I don't think so. Not before the main event. Come on, we've got the stars, we've got the moonlight, it's perfect.","Jack: Yeah. Lying in the grass, on a hot indian summer night with your gay best friend. That's your definition of perfect?","Jen: A girl could do a lot worse.","Jack: Come on, Jen, I know you too well. You can't tell me there isn't someone else that you'd rather be stargazing with.","Jen: Ok, you got me. Matt Damon.","Jack: Yeah right.","Jen: What, you don't approve? All right, I'll have to go with Ben Affleck, then. Well, he's got that scruffy, indie credit appeal. Well?","Jack: No comment. Besides, I was talking more about the realm of the, oh, say possible? Henry, for instance?","Jen: The freshman?","Jack: Yeah, the guy paid $500 bucks just to kiss you. You've got to admit, that's kind of sweet.","Jen: Jack, Jack, Jack, my naive little pet, it the sweet ones that you have to watch out for. They'll run over you like a mack truck.","Jack: Yeah, well, Henry's harmless. Besides, he worships you.","Jen: Come on, he's a teenage boy. He'd worship anything in a wonder bra. Besides, I'm already sleeping with the best looking guy on the football team. And best friends are nothing to sneeze at. God, I remember when first met Joey and Dawson. I was so envious of what they had, all that history. Then that whole boyfriend- girlfriend thing kicked in. See, that's what's so great about us. s*x will never come you and me.","[It starts to rain.]","Jen: Oh, no! Oh, god, no! No! Get the shoes! Get the shoes! No, wait, wait get the shoes!","Jack: I got them. Not so tough now, are you, homecoming queen?","Jen: Aah!","Jen: Look a you. And you said that this wasn't perfect.","[Scene: At the marina. Joey is working on the dock, when Rob comes up to her.]","Rob: Come on, Potter, take a break. Hydrate yourself.","Joey: No thanks, I'm fine.","Rob: I insist. It would look very bad for the Logan family if you got heatstroke and died on them.","Joey: It's nice to know you care.","Rob: How can it possibly be this hot at 7:30 in the morning? He goes to take off his shirt] Is this gonna offend your delicate sensibilities?","Joey: I'll probably swoon with excitement, but seeing as though I need this job to support my sister and nephew, I will just choose to look the other way.","Rob: So, uh, Potter, what do you say? You and me, m vies tonight?","Joey: Oh, joy. Is this the part of our workday where you get inappropriate?","Rob: That depends on what your answer is.","Joey: My answer is, ask me again in 2 years, when I am legal.","Rob: You watch, Potter. Some other lucky little lady's gonna take me up on this offer, and you're gonna be green with envy.","Joey: I think I can live with that possibility.","[He sprays her with the hose.]","Joey: Stop it! Stop!","Rob: Why, it's just water.","Joey: Stop it! Stop it!","Rob: Come on. What, are all teenage girls as uptight you?","Joey: No, just the ones with half a brain.","[Scene: School office. Dawson is trying to get some information from the secretary there.]","Secretary: You say this girl is a very close friend?","Dawson: Uh, very close, yes.","Secretary: And yet, you don't have the slightest idea where she lives?","[Scene: The Strip Club. Dawson is there talking to the bartender.]","Bartender: Oh, I'm sorry, kid. We're closed.","Dawson: I'm not here for the titillations, sir. I'm actually looking for a girl I go to school with. She used to work here.","Bartender: What's the name?","Dawson: h, Whitman. Eve Whitman. She's, a tall, leggy blonde genetically engineered to corrupt the male species?","Bartender: Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, young man, but I think somebody's playing games with you.","Dawson: What do you mean?","Bartender: Kid, how old are you, 16?","Dawson: Yeah.","Bartender: Now, if you're 16, that means you're underage, and if you're underage, you would never be permitted into my establishment. And if you're going to school with one of my girls, that means she would be under age as well. So, what can we take away from today's tutorial, huh?","[Scene: School Office. The secretary is talking with Dawson.]","Secretary: There is not, there was not, there never has been an eve Whitman enrolled at Capeside high.","[Scene: School Hallway. Henry and Jack are walking down the hall. Henry is trying to hurry Jack.]","Henry: Come on, come on. Let's go, already.","Jack: I don't see why we have to practice in this heat. It's gotta violate, like, a thousand child endangerment laws.","Henry: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk to the hand. Listen, we're late. Big, bad Mitch is gonna kick our--","[Henry see's Jen walking towards them.]","Jack: Our what?","Henry: Don't look. She's coming. She's coming this way. Just act normal.","Jack: Henry, when she comes over here, just ask her out already, ok, because this is ridiculous.","Henry: It's not that easy, ok? You don't know how hard it is for me to talk to her. I mean, look at her. Look, she's, like, this perfect thing.","Jack: You think she looks good in that, you should see her in a towel.","[Jen comes up eating an ice cream.]","Jen: Mmm, boys, do I have good news.","Jack: The ice cream man?","Jen: Right outside. You want a lick?","Jack: Uh, no thanks.","Jen: Henry?","Henry: H...Uh... Mmm-mmm, no?","Jen: Ok, suit yourself. I'll see you later?","Jack: Later.","Jen: Bye, Henry.","Henry: Um...","[Jen leaves.]","Henry: Oh. You see? You see what happens to me? Why I can't ask her out? She gets within 3 feet of me, and it's like my hard Drive crashes. I go pre-verbal. Probably if I ask her out, I'd hurl all over her like that little kid in south park.","Jack: Ok, so what if you didn't have to ask her out?","Henry: You mean, like, you could get her to ask me out? I'm so down with that feminist stuff.","Jack: Henry, I'm good, but I'm not that good. No, what if your first date was like, um, was like kismet? You know, like fate? 2 people just happening to be at the exact same place, at the exact same time.","[Scene: Along a street. Deputy Doug is walking and Dawson comes up to him.]","Doug: Dawson Leery. How are things that go bump in the night?","Dawson: Deputy Witter. I was wondering if I could pose a hypothetical?","Doug: Pose away.","Dawson: Well, I'm working on a screenplay. It's a film noir piece with a cop protagonist. I was wondering if I could pick your brain on a few story points.","Doug: How can I help?","Dawson: Uh, well, I could use some help with procedure, actually, um, I'm stuck on the part where the hero is trying to track down the femme fatale who's all but disappeared at this point. Now, how would a law enforcement professional such as yourself, go about finding someone who doesn't want to be found?","Doug: Well, that's a good question, Dawson. Now, part of police work is knowing who your enemy is. So, let me ask you this, who is this girl?","Dawson: She's kind of a lost soul. I mean, she comes off like sort of a wild child, but I think there's something really sweet and vulnerable underneath all her posturing.","Doug: Laundromat.","Dawson: Come again","Doug: Laundromat.","Dawson: Uh, laundromat.","Doug: Uh-huh.","Dawson: Really?","Doug: Yeah, you know, you see, Dawson. In a small town such as Capeside, everybody, except for those with questionable hygiene sensibilities, of course, has to do their laundry at some point.","Dawson: So, you're saying you would stake out the laundromat.","Doug: Exactly.","[Scene: A park bench. Dawson and Pacey are sitting and talking to each other.]","Pacey: Obsession is not a pretty thing, my friend.","Dawson: Come on, doesn't it bother you?","Pacey: What, that we don't know all about Eve?","Dawson: Yeah.","Pacey: Let me give you a little life lesson from the Witter vault, Dawson.","Dawson: Oh, god.","Pacey: There are some women who will come onto the movie set that is your life, and function solely as day players. They'll show up, know their dialogue, they'll hit their marks, they'll occasionally steal a scene or 2 from you, but they will remain always and forever an impenetrable mystery.","Dawson: But Eve barged in on my life, and stirred things up for her own amusement.","Pacey: Correct me if I'm wrong, Dawson, but didn't she try to go where no girl has gone before?","Dawson: Synopsize with me. She works in a strip club, but she doesn't, all right? She says she goes to our school, but she doesn't. She appears, she disappears. She reappears without rhyme or reason, who the hell is this girl?","Pacey: Ok, simmer down, Dawson. This girl is giving you a melt-down, god. All right, here's what I propose. You and I take a little trip down to the video store, you want uh, film noir, right? How about that one with Matt Dillon where he has that really outstanding threesome with Neve Campbell and that chick from Starship troopers? Yeah. Oh, hey, one more thing. My brother. He, uh, he gave you the laundromat speech, didn't he?","Dawson: Yeah.","Pacey: [Laughs]","Dawson: [grunts] yo.","[He se's Eve getting a hotdog from a nearby stand.]","Pacey: Well, Deputy Doug's laundromat theory may be all well and good, but it's a tad too Andy of Mayberry for my taste. Given my druthers, I much prefer sheriff dad's dissertation on how to pin a tail on the suspect. Watch and learn, my friend.","[Scene: At the Marina. Joey is working, and Rob comes up and rings the bell.]","Rob: Uh, miss? A little service here, please?","Joey: Very funny.","Rob: I'm serious. I've got my father's sea ray cruiser over there. Could you fill it up for me? I don't want to get gas all over myself. I'm on a date here.","Joey: So I smell. Um, you may have gone a little overboard on the CK One.","Rob: Wait till you see her, Potter, she's a cutie. About your age, too. Better dresser, though. Not so uptight about showing off a little skin. I'm gonna get so lucky tonight.","Joey: Don't tell me you actually found some high school girl so riddled with insecurities that she would actually fall for your minor league Humbert Humbert impersonations?","[They get to the boat and Andie is on it.]","Andie: Hey, Joey. Isn't this great? I was at the country club today with my dad, 'cause he's thinking about joining, and I ran into Rob.","Joey: I didn't know you 2 knew each other.","Andie: Oh, sure. He went to prep school with my brother Tim. [to Rob] So, did you know that Joey and I were friends?","Rob: Oh, I had a sneaking suspicion. After all, it is a small town.","Joey: So, Andie, where's money bags taking you tonight? All the way down to the Bahamas and back?","Andie: No, you know, we're just going to the movies. It's too hot to do anything else.","Rob: Well, almost anything else.","Andie: That wasn't a sexual overture, was it?","Rob: Shh, Andie. Not in front of the K-I-D.","Joey: I'm all finished here.","Rob: Great. Here you go, Potter. Buy yourself something pretty.","Joey: Save it for bail money.","Andie: Ok. Let's see what this puppy can do. Bye, Joey!","[Scene: At Jack and Jen,s spot in the field. Jen is lying on a blanket looking up into the sky. Henry see's her and starts to make his way to her. He is looking at some notes written on his hand.]","Henry: [To himself] What a coincidence. Moonlight. Tell her how nice she looks. What a beautiful spot this is. Don't puke, don't puke, don't puke, don't puke, don't puke.","Jen: Henry?","Henry: Uh...","Jen: You ok?","Henry: Uh...","Jen: Uh, gulp once for yes, twice for no.","Henry: [Gulps once]","Jen: Once. Good, ok. What's on your hand?","Henry: Uh, nothing. Jen?","Jen: Yeah?","Henry: You, you're awesome. You look awesome, you smell awesome , everything about you is awesome. I, I just, I wanted you to know that.","Jen: [Laughs] Uh, good to know. So, what are you doing here?","Henry: Hanging... Out, you know? The same thing you are, just, just hanging out.","Jen: Actually, I'm just waiting for Jack.","Henry: Oh, well, Jack couldn't be here tonight, see, because he had these other plans. Important plans, so, so he sent me instead.","Jen: Ok, I think I know where this is going. Continue.","Henry: Um, that's, that's it.","Jen: Out with it, Henry.","Henry: Well, I, I guess he thought if you were here and I were here, and we were both... Here. Here. Together. Then it would sort of be like a date, you know, like our first date?","Jen: Look, Henry, I know that you're new at this being all of, uh, I don't know, what, 14?","Henry: 15.","Jen: Ok, 15. Dating is a consensual activity that usually involves some sort of pre-arrangement. Next time, don't skip the part where you ask me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: On the docks later that night. They see Eve inside a boat. She changes her shirt then leaves the boat again.]","Pacey: And the plot thickens, my friend. Phoo...","Dawson: [Clears throat] where're you go n'?","Pacey: What, are you daft, ma I'm goin' after her. That girl is in dire need of following. Come on. All right. Good.","Dawson: No, you can go follow her around. I'm gonna stay here and check out that boat.","Pacey: Sure, now you're thinkin', butch.","[He goes into the boat, and looks around. He finds some of her clothes and a picture, which he picks up and puts into his pocket. He starts to leave the boat, when there is a flashlight in his face.]","Doug: Hands up! You're under arrest.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Doug: Dawson leery. Why am I not surprised? Let me guess: Research for your screenplay?","Dawson: No, a friend of mine lives here.","Doug: This friend wouldn't, by any chance, be your mysterious femme fatale, would she?","Dawson: No. Nothing as lurid as that, I'm afraid...Just a friend.","Doug: Aw, funny. Never figured you to be the type to be, uh, pals with octogenaria.","Dawson: Come again?","Doug: That boat, on which you were very much a trespasser, belongs to a Mr. and Mrs. Paul Stepmuck. Sweet little couple. Somewhere in their late eighties.","Dawson: Oh. Yeah. Oh.","Doug: Dawson, the Stepmucks are big fans of Capeside, but only in the summertime. They spend the rest of their golden year in New York City.","Dawson: Heh, well, I... Must have clambered aboard the wrong boat then.","Doug: Maybe you did clamber wrong. Then again, maybe your friend is the one we've been looking for.","Dawson: What do you mean?","Doug: A couple of weeks ago, somebody stole a speedboat from the marina and took it for a little joyride.","Dawson: A speedboat, really?","Doug: You wouldn't know anything about that, would you, Dawson?","Dawson: No. Heh. I mean, why would I?","Doug: Look Dawson... I know that you're a good kid, but something is going on with you. All of a sudden, you're the boy who cried 911, you pose thinly veiled hypotheticals to an officer of the law, and all of this revolves around some mysterious femme fatale. Which, of course, begs the question... Is there something you have to tell me, Dawson?","[Pacey returns to them.]","Pacey: Deputy Doug in the house!","Doug: Ha ha ha! Oh, I should have known. Wherever there's smoke, there's my imbecilic little brother.","Pacey: Doug, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, despite his dapper, appearance, my friend Dawson does not play for your team, ok? You're just gonna have to find another date to the policeman's ball.","Doug: Little brother, your obsession with my sexuality is just plain weird. Look, do I have to talk to dad again, huh?","Pacey: Doug... it may not be today, and it may not be tomorrow, and it might not even be the day after that, but one of these days, you're gonna go to your mailbox, you're gonna open it up, and that advocate story will be yours... And the copy's gonna read: Good cop, gay cop... The Dougie Witter story. And I'm tellin' ya, Doug, we are gonna be so proud of you. Really, truly. [Chuckling]","Doug: Oh. I am not gay! Now, both of you, of these dock now! I mean it.","[They leave Doug by the boat.]","Dawson: Well?","Pacey: Uh, she's squirrelly, that one. Lost me like that.","[Scene: The Rialto Theater lobby. Andie is there and Joey enters and walks up to her.]","Andie: Oh, my god, Joey! What are you doing here?","Joey: Oh, it doesn't matter.","Andie: Come here. Isn't this amazing? Me on a date with Rob Logan, Senator Logan's son. His parents are loaded. Not that that matters, but it doesn't hurt either, and he's so cute.","Joey: Slow down, Andie, ok? Rob Logan is not a nice guy. Since I started working for him, my life has become one gigantic leer fest. He's a creep to an exponential degree.","Andie: Ok, Joey, this may come as a surprise to you, but not everybody minds being looked at as a sexual object.","Joey: The guy hits on me daily in a wide variety of creative and not-so-creative ways. My first day, he walked in on me while I was changing my clothes.","Andie: Why are you trying to ruin this for me?","Joey: Look, I--I'm not trying to ruin anything. I just thought you should know what kind of a guy Rob Logan really is.","Andie: Uh, Joey, guys is hardly your area of expertise. I mean, between Dawson and my gay brother... I'm sorry, but it's true. You're not exactly sophisticated when it comes to dealing with guys. Get a grip, ok?","Joey: It's--it's not about me.","Andie: Yeah, it is, Joey. I mean, you're still fixated on Dawson, and you're so closed off to any new experience, that a guy so much as looks at you and you freak out. Joey, staying home every Friday night isn't gonna bring him back.","Joey: Going out with a nimrod like Rob Logan is a recipe for recovery? Andie, if you think this little escapade is going to help you get over Pacey\u0097","Andie: Joey, I'm moving on with my life. Somehow I thought you, of all people would understand that and be happy for me. I guess I was wrong.","[Scene: Inside the theater. Andie is going to sit down by Rob.]","Andie: Excuse me. Sorry.","Rob: I was getting worried. You missed the previews and the dancing candy.","Andie: Sorry, long line. This is gonna be great. Heh heh.","[Joey comes into the theater and makes her way over to sit next to them.]","Joey: Excuse me. Comin' through. Sorry. Sorry.","Andie: Joey, what are you doing?","Joey: These are great seats. Regular or diet? I couldn't remember, so I got both.","Andie: No, get out of here. Now.","Joey: Mmm. Andie, in the light of the day you can psychoanalyze me all you want, but I am not leaving you alone with this guy.","Rob: What the hell's going on here, Potter?","Joey: Do you like nachos? Personally, I find them to be one of the more disgusting innovations in movie food. I mean, all this congealed stuff. It's not even... Cheese. You know, it's kind of cheese food. Here. Try 'em. I'm sorry. I didn't know. [Crackling candy box] Oh, this is comic good... This stuff. Goober?","[Scene: Inside Gram's Kitchen. Grams is in the kitchen when Jack enters.]","Grams: There's ice cream in the freezer.","Jack: Oh, yeah. Ever since I started playing football, I've been eating you out of house and home, huh?","Grams: No problem.","Jack: I just wish I felt a little more, like I was earning my keep around here.","Grams: But you are. You are making my granddaughter happy. Happier than I've seen her in quite a long while.","[Slamming door]","Grams: Oh, Jennifer, you scared me half to death.","Jen: I'm sorry, grams. Getting surprised really sucks, doesn't it, Jack?","Grams: Jennifer\u0097","Jen: This is between Jack and I. So, how does it work? Do you take cash or credit card? And is it just Henry or am I gonna have to service the entire football team?","Jack: Jen, calm down. You're overreacting.","Grams: Which one of you is going to tell me what's going on here?","Jack: I--I just thought I'd do a favor for a friend. So, I set 'em up. I thought it would be romantic.","Jen: About as romantic as a car-jacking.","Jack: Jen, he's just a kid, all right? He's a nice kid, he likes you.","Jen: Yeah, he's a real nice kid. He stares at me like I'm a pornographic fantasy come to life.","Jack: That's because he's infatuated with you.","Jen: Well, I'm not infatuated with him. And I told you that a thousand times, and you didn't listen to me. You took his side.","Jack: I didn't take anybody's side. I--I\u0097","Jen: You just want to get your little football buddy lucky. Well, sorry.","[Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. He enters his room to find Eve there going through stuff.]","Dawson: What the hell are you doing in my room?","Eve: I want my picture back.","Dawson: And I want some answers.","Eve: Fine, Dawson. What would you like to know?","Dawson: I'd like to know why every single word out of your mouth has been a lie. Why you claim to be a high school student when you're not. Why you're living in a yacht that doesn't belong to you. I want to know, once and for all, who you are.","Eve: You have every right to ask those questions, Dawson. And I promise you, the answers are forthcoming.","Dawson: Eve, I'm sick and tired of being toyed with. Ever since you slam-danced your way into my life, I've wrecked my father's boat\u0097","Eve: That was so worth every penny and you know it.","Dawson: It's been one disaster after another.","Eve: I turn a dork into a stud in a matter of weeks, and this is my thank you note? Where's the love?","Dawson: Eve, the gee-aren't-I-so-hip-and-amoral routine is really old.","Eve: Is that what you think I am, amoral?","Dawson: Either that or a criminal.","Eve: Sticks and stones, Dawson. Now, give me back my picture.","Dawson: Eve, for the last time, what were you doing in grams' house?","Eve: Looking for something to steal... To get bus money out of here. There satisfied? Now, give it to me.","Dawson: Not until you tell me how a faded, old snapshot could mean so much to someone as cold and detached as you.","Eve: You're right, Dawson. I never was a student. The yacht... Not mine. I was just sort of squatting. And that girl's my mother, Dawson... Whom I've never met. Whom I'm trying to find. And that picture is my only clue.","[Commercial Break.]","Dawson: Talk. I'll listen.","Eve: Ok, let's see... Where to begin? How 'bout last Christmas as I was rummaging around in the attic looking for some wrapping paper? I found the photo in question... Of the girl that bears me an uncanny resemblance.","Dawson: What did you do?","Eve: I asked my folks, of course.","Dawson: And?","Eve: Painted into a corner, mom and major dad finally told me the truth.","Dawson: That you were adopted?","Eve: That's right. No more calls, we have a winner.","Dawson: What did you do?","Eve: Nothing. Very strangely, no angst whatsoever. It's only after that it kind of crept up on me that I... Had this estrogen-charged urge to seek out the missing pieces of the puzzle.","Dawson: Which brings you to Capeside. Why?","Eve: All I know about my birth mother is that she lived somewhere in this part of the country... Near the ocean. So, I've been traveling up and down the eastern seaboard, asking questions along the way, hoping to get lucky.","Dawson: And have you?","Eve: Depends on what you mean. No, Dawson, I haven't found her. Not yet, anyway, and not here. Which mean's time for me to move on...","Dawson: And so ends another installment in my melodrama. It's more movie-of-the-week than film noir. With an edge.","Eve: With a lot of edge. Heh. Oh, I don't know.","Dawson: Eve, call me gullible, but... This time I actually believe you.","[He gives her back the picture.]","Eve: Thanks, Dawson. You're a hugely sweet boy. And you're right, I played with you. I do that, I guess. I move into a new town, and chances are I'm not staying forever, so I play a role. That way no one can get close to me. And believe me, most guys are content with me, the actress. But you dug at me... You wanted to see inside of my screwed-up little soul.","Dawson: Well, I mean... Once you get past the lying, and the stealing, and the using s*x as a weapon. Ha... There's a lot of good stuff in there.","Eve: I hope I haven't done anything irredeemable. Because I'd like to think you would remember me once in a while and smile.","Dawson: Well, the ride in my father's boat alone will always elicit at least a giddy grin or 3.","Eve: See, there you go. Maybe I'll even get a footnote in the unauthorized biography.","Dawson: You just might warrant a whole chapter.","Eve: I'll be checking the credits for you, Dawson.","Dawson: Take care, Eve.","[Scene: Jack and Jen's Spot. Jen is sitting there thinking and Jack comes up to sit down next to her.]","Jack: Should I just fall on my sword now or wait until the battle's over?","Jen: What do I care? Either way you're a dead man.","Jack: Look, uh... This whole Henry thing... You got it all wrong, ok? I didn't do it for him. I did it for you. I'm serious. I--I--I just wanted to show you that the things that you want are there for the taking, if you just, you know, believe you deserve them.","Jen: You don't get it. This was our place. Yours and mine. Doesn't that mean something to you?","Jack: Yeah of course it does.. But... don't you want more?","Jen: No. Not from this. Jack... I've had lovers, I've had boyfriends, but--but what I've never had is a boy who is, first and last, a friend... Who wasn't secretly trying to get in my pants or wouldn't walk away from me the second I said I didn't want to sleep with him... Who liked me...For me. Unless you've recently decided to be bisexual.","Jack: [Laughs]","Jen: You know, I think that you setting me up was a lot more about you than it was me.","Jack: Come on, give me a break. I do not have a secret crush on Henry Parker.","Jen: Neither do I, but that's not what I'm talking about. I mean, maybe it's you who's lonely for the relationship.","Jack: Well, maybe I am. But this isn't exactly New York, where gay kids are tripping over each other comin' out of the closet. This is Capeside. Gay population is one. It's me. I'm it.","Jen: Jack... You're gonna have a love life. Gonna have a fantastic love life, and it's gonna be... Awesome and terrifying and-- and when it happens it's gonna change your whole life.","Jack: Yeah, it's easy for you to say.","Jen: I know it is. You just-- you have to have faith... That sometimes things happen when they're least expected.","[It starts to rain again.]","Jen: Pfftt! What did I tell you? [Laughing] whoo! Whaa!","[Scene: At the marina. Joey is working and Andie comes up to talk to her.]","Andie: Hey.","Joey: Hi. Uh, stud puppy's not here yet. You must have kept him out pretty late last night.","Andie: Ok, nothing happened. And not that you deserve an explanation, but right after the movie, he walked me to my front door, and he was a perfect gentleman.","Joey: Yeah, he's a prince... Prince of darkness.","[Rob comes up to them.]","Andie: Hey, rob.","Rob: Slackin' off on the job again, Potter?","Andie: Uh, you know, Joey and I just...Girl talk.","Rob: Yeah, I know. So, last night, quite a threesome... only next time I want to be in the middle. It was kind of an unexpected pleasure though. I mean, I assumed you were working. Don't we usually stay open till 8:00 on Fridays?","Joey: Nobody ever comes in after 7:00. You know that, rob.","Rob: Just answer the question, Potter.","Joey: Uh... We usually stay open until 8:00 on Fridays.","Rob: You're fired.","Joey: What?!","Rob: You heard me. I'm in charge here, and it's unacceptable for an employee to close early without my permission.","Joey: Oh, yeah, and that's really why you're firing me, Rob.","Rob: Spare me the adolescent mini-drama, Potter. You're fired because you closed early. End of story.","Andie: No, wait, Joey. Um, she can explain. I mean, this is all just a really big misunderstanding.","Joey: Look, don't bother, Andie.","Rob: Nice workin' with ya, Potter.","Joey: You know what, rob? The day your out-of whack libido lands you in so deep that not even daddy can save your ass, don't call me as a character witness. Rot in hell.","[Scene: Gram's house. Dawson is coming up to the door carrying a window air conditioner]","[Doorbell rings]","Grams: Oh, my word. Beware of heretics bearing air conditioners.","Dawson: [Sigh] My father's orders. He wanted me to take this extra of ours over to you.","[He goes to put it into the window and notices a woman in a picture, and it's the same as Eve's picture.]","Dawson: Mrs. Ryan, who is that in that picture?","Grams: Well, that's our lord, Jesus Christ, as interpreted by one of our gifted, young Sunday school students.","Dawson: I meant the one below it.","Grams: Oh... That's my daughter, Helen. She can't be more than 18 there. As I recall, it was right before she went away to college.","Dawson: So, that's Jen's mom?","Grams: I have only one Daughter, Dawson Leery."],"Show Title":"Dawson's Creek","Episode Number":"03x05","Episode Title":"Indian Summer","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Dawson_s_Creek_03x10.json","Recap":["Dawson, Joey, Jack and Andie spend the weekend at a Boston university for an advance look at college life. Dawson enters his \"Witch Island\" documentary in a student film festival. He is later stunned when it doesn't get the reaction he was hoping for. Elsewhere on campus, due to a clerical error, Joey's weekend guide is not what she expected. Andie's pursuit for an advanced admissions interview leads her to some inspirational advice from an unlikely source, and Jack takes a risk and explores the local gay community. Dawson encounters another young filmmaker, Nikki Green, who coincidentally turns out to be his principal's daughter."],"Transcript":["First Encounters Of The Close Kind #310","(Leery Residence - Dawson is working on his Witch Island documentary)","Grams: (on screen) And what happened there is proof positive that the good Lord doesn't take lightly to those who dabble in the black arts.","(Joey tosses an overnight bag through the window and climbs in.)","Dawson: Nice entrance.","Joey: (noticing what Dawson is working on) Dawson, isn't there a limit on the number of times a person can watch their own movie?","Dawson: I I've gotta be prepared. We've got a Q & A session after the screening.","Joey: Ooh, 'The Screening'. How Sundance.","Dawson: Let's not blow this completely out of proportion, shall we?","(Dawson kinda avoids Joey's glance.)","Joey: What's the matter?","Dawson: Nothing.","Joey: Could it be...?","Dawson: What? (he starts packing a bag)","Joey: Dawson Leery, the gifted, young, self-motivated hauteur; Capeside's own Spielberg and wonder, can be nervous?","Dawson: Yeah. Yeah, of course I am. I mean, it's, you know, it's one thing to be a big fish in the small pond that is Capeside","Joey: But entirely another to swim in the talent pool with hundreds of your egocentric competitors.","Dawson: Exactly. And thank you for that gut-wrenching visual.","Joey: Now I may be a little biased here, because, well, let's face it, I am one of the stars of the movie, but, it's really good. I mean, look at it this way for better or worse, this experience will only take you one step closer to realizing your dreams. Besides, you don't have to spend an entire weekend with a complete stranger.","Dawson: It is kind of cruel and unusual.","Joey: Yeah, well, I signed up for the College tour, and they pair you off with one of the students. Those are the rules.","Dawson: Are you nervous?","Joey: Yeah. But in a good way. I mean, I know we're just visiting, but this trip kinda gives me hope. Maybe one day I will make it out of here.","Dawson: Hey Joey, it never once crossed my mind that you wouldn't make it outta here.","Joey: It's easy for you to say, Dawson.","Dawson: Come on, Jo, look at the original impulse, look at this weekend as an adventure. Alright, I mean this is this is our first fore into the real world. You know, this weekend could be a glimpse into the rest of our lives.","Joey: Or, it it could be the weekend when all of our hopes and dreams just come crashing down around us, I mean, forcing us to withdraw from mainstream society and spend the rest of our days as these cynical embittered shadows of our former selves. It's just a thought.","(Cambridge University - Dawson, Joey, Andie, and Jack are strolling past the buildings.)","Dawson: I feel like Richard Dreyfuss from Close Encounters of the Third Kind. You know, the director's cut where he finally boards the mother ship and meets with the aliens.","Joey: News flash, Dawson. We are the aliens.","Jack: So, what're you thinkin', sis?","Andie: These students enjoy the distinction of attending America's finest college. Founded in 1626, it was named after a British colonist who ended up donating his entire collection of books. And the original faculty teaching here in the colonial wilderness could hardly have imagined that that over the next three centuries it would become known throughout the world as a premier center for teaching and research.","Dawson: (laughing) You should write for the catalogue.","Jack: Ahh. It is the catalogue, Dawson. I think she sent away for it when she was about nine.","Andie: Class of 2005, baby, early admissions. I'm gonna ace this interview.","Joey: Well, I better go meet my room-mate. (reading from a piece of paper) Uh, A.J. Moller.","Andie: Joey, you are gonna have a blast. I took the junior tour last year.","Joey: As a sophomore?","Andie: Early bird gets into college.","Dawson: What are you doing, Jack?","Jack: Uhh, just hang out, I guess, do the tours thing.","Dawson: (looking at his watch) Well, it is about that time.","Jack: Yep.","Andie: I am so psyched.","Joey: Me too, me too.","Andie: OK, bye.","Joey: Bye.","Dawson: Bye.","(They all go off in different directions. Inside a building - Dawson walks over to an African-American girl who is working behind a desk in the film festival lobby.)","Dawson: L- double E-R-Y.","Nikki: First name?","Dawson: Dawson.","Nikki: (reaching for Dawson's film) Movie please.","(Dawson hands her his film reel.)","Nikki: Which category, comedy or drama?","Dawson: Documentary. Well, actually more of a","Nikki: Date of birth?","Dawson: Uh, three, fourteen, eighty-three.","Nikki: Uh, favorite director?","Dawson: Spielberg.","Nikki: (looking up at him) You're kidding?","Dawson: No.","(She looks almost embarrassed. She takes Dawson's film reel over to another table as he follows.)","Nikki: Steven Spielberg. Undoubtedly a gifted film maker, but I mean, come on, where's the edge?","Dawson: The edge is fleeting. Heart lasts forever.","Nikki: Say 'cheese'?","(She takes his picture.)","Nikki: OK, sign here, and here.","(Dawson does so.)","Nikki: This card will get you into the screening. You didn't fill out a synopsis.","Dawson: Not enough room. You see, uh, my film started out as a documentary, chronicling the history of this so-called island which was thought to be haunted, but","Nikki: Another Blair Witch Project. Gotcha. (walking away) Good luck. Next!","(In the Dorms - Joey approaches a room with the number 381 on the door and knocks. After no one replies, she opens the door and finds a guy sitting on his desk with an iBook in his lap.)","Joey: Excuse me.","A.J.: Shh!","Joey: I'm sorry, I just","A.J.: Shh, shh, shh, just a second.","(Joey waits impatiently until the guy finally acknowledges her.)","A.J.: Yes, what is it?","Joey: I'm looking for A.J Moller, is this her room?","A.J.: No, this is not HER room.","Joey: She's supposed to be my room-mate for the weekend; junior tour. Do you have any idea where I might find her?","A.J.: Nope.","Joey: OK, well, the number on my information card says 'Room 381'.","A.J.: I'm certain it does.","Joey: And this is Room 381?","A.J.: You betcha!","Joey: And you can't tell me where to find A.J Moller?","A.J.: I didn't say that. What I said was I didn't know where you could find HER. Him, I can point you directly to. I'm A.J Moller. That must make you (reading off a card) Potter comma Joseph. I guess our gender ambiguous names have fostered a precarious situation.","Joey: To say the least.","A.J.: Before you start crying and calling home, I promise to give you one of the beds. And if if you're really nice, I'll even leave the light on for ya.","Joey: I'm not staying here. I mean, this is not what I signed up for, OK? I'm supposed to be spending the weekend with someone who's going to show me what college is like, tell me what to expect. Someone","A.J.: With ovaries?","Joey: Yeah.","A.J.: Listen, Jo, Joseph?","Joey: It's Josephine. Joey.","A.J.: Joey, listen. This is what college is like. Guys and girls living together, mostly in harmony. I mean at Columbia, they even have co-ed bathrooms. And if you're not up for that, maybe you should be visiting women's colleges instead.","Joey: (tossing her bag to the floor) Look, maybe you're right. There's really no reason two people of the opposite s*x can't spend one night together in the same room.","A.J.: That's my girl. Now, if you don't mind, (with an Indian chief voice) Bigum college boy have important paper to write. Little high school girl take long walk around the campus.","Joey: You're kicking me out?","A.J.: You're kicking yourself out, so I can have two more hours of unadulterated silence.","Joey: That's not","A.J.: Careful, careful. Say 'fair' and you'll really be showing your age. Oh, and uh, Potter comma Joseph, shut the door on your way out. Otherwise I'm gonna have those idiot Econ majors playing Nerf basketball down the hall.","(Joey grabs her bag and slams the door on her way out. Out on campus - Andie walks over to Jack who is reading a book. When he sees her approach, he hides the cover from her.)","Andie: Hey, what you got?","Jack: Uhh just uhh, you know, a guidebook to Boston.","Andie: Oh. OK, tell me you are not going off in search of Thoreau's butt-print at Walden Pond?","Jack: No, I hadn't planned on that.","Andie: Hey, you know what you should do? I heard there's a really great art museum around here. You should go check it out.","Jack: OK, maybe I will.","Andie: OK. Well, I gotta go. Bye.","Jack: See ya.","(Once Andie is gone, Jack opens the book back up, reveal it to be \"The Pink Pages\" - a guide of homosexual entertainment and services. Admission's Office - Andie walks in and over to the Dean's secretary.)","Andie: Hi. I'm Andie McPhee.","Fran: (looking at a list of names on a sheet of paper) Mmm. Spell the last name, please.","Andie: M-C-P-H-E-E.","Fran: It says here that your appointment isn't until March. Either there's something wrong with my calendar, or you've got a very long wait.","Andie: Well, uh, Mrs (looking at name plate on her desk) Boyd","Fran: Call me Fran.","Andie: Great. OK, well, my dad, Joseph McPhee, is an alumnus, class of '72. And he always said, if you want something badly enough, make sure you're first in line.","Fran: A daddy's girl, huh? Me too, God rest his soul.","Andie: So, you think maybe you could squeeze me in?","Fran: Not a chance.","Andie: But, uh, I just want five minutes with the Dean, that's all.","Fran: The thing is, everyone else here has an appointment. Today.","Andie: Uh-huh. Well, do you think something might open up?","Fran: Would you cancel your university interview at the last minute? You see my point?","(Andie walks off. Film Screen Auditorium - Dawson is sitting amongst all the other film applicants watching his Witch Island documentary. People scoff at it to each other, and criticize it amongst themselves. Dawson sits around awkwardly, realizing it's not going over well. When the film ends, only a couple people clap slowly.)","Student: Been there, seen that. (to her friend) Where do you want to go eat?","(An announcer gets up on stage as people stream out of the auditorium.)","Announcer: Uh, ladies and gentlemen, if anyone has any questions or comments, uh, the film maker will be glad to, uh, answer them for you.","(Dawson sinks down into his seat.)","Announcer: Mr Leery? (some people start to look around as Dawson prays to be swallowed whole by his seat) Dawson Leery, can you step up here please.","(Dawson finally gives in and walks onto the stage.)","Dawson: Hi (he speaks too loud and close to the mic so feedback echos through the auditorium.) Oops.","(Some people laugh as the announcer whispers something in Dawson's ear.)","Dawson: Sorry. Uh, I'm Dawson Leery. Um, does anyone, um, have any questions, or...?","(He searches the faces in the crowd for any sort of reaction.) Girl: Yeah.","Dawson: (relieved) Yes, question!","Girl: Where's the Joey chick? Is she here? She is hot! (Outside the Auditorium - Dawson is walking off when Nikki stops him.) Nikki: Dawson. Are you all right?","Dawson: (snapping at her) Fine.","Nikki: These screenings, they can get pretty brutal when the lights come up.","Dawson: I can handle that. I mean, so what if my movie's not hip enough to rouse the interest of these pseudo-intellectual art-house snobs.","Nikki: On the bright side. At least no-one threw things.","Dawson: Thank God for small favors. (he starts to leave.)","Nikki: You are upset.","Dawson: Wouldn't you be?","Nikki: I'm sorry about what happened in there, I really am. But in light of The Blair Witch Project, I don't know what you were thinking.","Dawson: What?","Nikki: Riding the coat-tails of some absurdly successful cultural phenomenon is simply not gonna cut it. I mean","Dawson: Before you eviscerate my work any further, why don't you at least tell me your name?","Nikki: Nikki. Nikki Greene.","Dawson: Nice to meet you, Nikki.","Nikki: Take this Joey character for example. I mean, who is she, and and what does she mean to you? Are you friends? Lovers? What? Nothing was clear. More troubling was that you didn't seem to understand that that was the most interesting part of your story.","Dawson: Well, aren't you perceptive?","Nikki: Don't patronize me. I'm trying to give you an honest assessment here.","Dawson: Well, excuse me, but it's not every day that I'm subjected to an unsolicited note session from","Nikki: A volunteer? Paper-pusher? My position and altruism has to validate my opinion? Well next time I'll stick to what I know more carefully.","(She walks off. At a bus stop - A bus pulls up and before Jack can climb aboard, two men holding hands climb aboard. Jack hesitates boarding because of this.)","Driver: Well, are you in or out?","(Jack boards the bus and sits. Cambridge Campus - Joey walks through campus and finds Dawson sitting on a bench. She joins him.)","Joey: Dawson! Hey.","Dawson: Hey.","Joey: How'd the screening go?","(Looks down, obviously upset.)","Joey: Come on, it couldn't have been that bad, could it?","Dawson: It was an unmitigated disaster.","Joey: What do those hipper-than-thou film brats know anyway?","Dawson: Maybe they're right.","Joey: Come on. You don't mean that.","Dawson: You know, maybe the problem with having such a big dream is... you never stop to question whether or not you have the talent to back it up. What if I I just simply don't have what it takes to be a great filmmaker?","Joey: Dawson, I've been there from the beginning. To most people, movies are just a way of passing time, but I was there that day that that they became something more to you. The day you decided to pick up your parents camcorder and make a movie of your own. The day that you said for the first time out loud that you were going to be a film maker. I've had the privilege of watching you take this dream and make it a reality. And you know what? I'm really proud of you.","(Joey puts her arm around Dawson. The Admission's Building - Andie sits waiting for Fran.)","Fran: You. How'd you get in here?","Andie: Janitor. Don't worry, I I didn't touch anything. But, I brought you dessert.","Fran: (laughing) And I thought I'd seen it all.","Andie: Well, I thought I'd be here, you know, in the off chance that Dean Hardgrove got back early, and then I could, well, you know...","Fran: You've got chutzpah, I'll say that much for you.","Andie: So, is he back yet?","Fran: He's a notoriously late luncher.","(Andie looks sad.)","Fran: What's the matter?","Andie: Nothing.","Fran: Do you know how many kids I have? Seven. You know how many went to this university? Zero. Didn't seem to bother them much.","Andie: So you don't think I'm gonna get in?","Fran: Oh, I gave up a long time ago trying to figure out who they're gonna accept.","Andie: So, you had seven kids?","Fran: Two are doctors, um, one's an investment banker, whatever that is. The three girls are married and one didn't go to college. Plays horn in a jazz band downtown. Which do you think is happiest?","Andie: OK, so what you're telling me is avoid medical school and Wall Street, don't get married, and... skip college.","Fran: What I'm saying is whether or not you attend this distinguished university will have little or nothing to do with what kind of person you turn out to be, or whether you find fulfillment in your life.","Andie: Hmm.","Cambridge Lecture Hall - Joey sits among other students with A.J. enters and comes over to her.)","A.J.: Freshman English, huh? A good one to visit.","Joey: Don't tell me you're in this class?","A.J.: Kinda.","Joey: (reaching to move her bag off the seat next to her) You wanna sit?","A.J.: Uh, no, I can't.","Joey: So I, uh, I guess this professor's really late?","A.J.: No, he's not coming. They do that a lot. And then some poor schmuck undergraduate teaching assistant has to come in and try to rally the troops for what's called (to the whole class) discussion session!","(A.J. walks down to the teacher's desk and addresses the class.)","A.J.: Hi, guys. Professor Taylor is at some semiotics conference in Seattle, so you're stuck with me, again. Now we have a lot of visiting high schoolers in our midst today, so I thought we'd take a break from our ongoing 'great books' discussion, and ask some of them what books they consider great. (pointing to Joey) How about you. In the cheap seats. Brown haired girl.","Joey: What's my favorite book?","A.J.: You read, don't you?","Joey: Little Women.","A.J.: Louisa May Allcott. Interesting. Now I haven't read that since I was... ten or so. As far as I remember it's sort of a less successful version of Jane Eyre. Something about a girl with a boy's name?","Joey: The girls name is Jo. She has three sisters, a mother, a father who's usually not around and when he is he's very impractical, and he's not the greatest at providing the material things in life.","A.J.: That's right. They're poor, but they have each other. And there's something to do with a boy next door. Yeah, it's all coming back to me. OK, so Little Women. Perennial American classic, yes, but great book? Worthy of inclusion in the literary canon? What do we think people?","Student 1: No way. This book is completely anti-feminist in spirit.","Student 2: I concur. I mean, the heroine supposedly burns with this artistic genius, but ultimately she gives up all of her dreams, gets married and starts popping out babies.","Student 3: Alcott's a minor writer. Most of what she wrote, she wrote purely for money.","A.J.: And what's the lesson here? That we can't say a book is great simply because we identify with the hero or heroine.","(Joey is walking down the steps when A.J. catches up to her.)","A.J.: Joey, wait.","Joey: Why, so you can sic one of your little over-educated minions on me? Try again.","A.J.: Admittedly we were a little harsh.","Joey: I concur.","A.J.: You said you wanted the college experience.","Joey: Don't be so glib. What you did in there was insensitive. You hardly know me, A.J. Maybe I am just some na\u00efve little high school girl, but I was actually looking forward to getting a a taste of the fun part of the college experience, not just that mean, bitter part. Do you spend so much time staring at that iBook that you've forgotten that part even existed?","A.J.: Sorry. How about we start over? Give me chance to show you what college is really all about. What do you say?","(Film Auditorium - everyone, including Dawson, is spellbound by the movie playing.)","Guy: (to Dawson) Have you got any idea who shot this? It's on another level, is what I think.","(As the film ends, the entire audience claps and cheers.)","Announcer: Let's get the gifted young filmmaker up here, shall we?","(Everyone stands and cheers as Nikki takes the stage. Dawson is embarrassed and confused.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Film Screening Lobby - Dawson walks over to Nikki who is getting candy out of the vending machine.)","Nikki: Dawson!","Dawson: Hey.","Nikki: I need a sugar fix after all stressful experiences. (taking the candy from the vending well) Finally.","Dawson: Stressful? Come on, that was a love-fest.","Nikki: Don't sound so overjoyed.","Dawson: Don't be falsely modest.","Nikki: If it had been the other way around, I would have enjoyed your success.","Dawson: So you're not only a better film maker than I am, you're a better person.","Nikki: Look, can we start over again?","Dawson: Yeah, lets.","Nikki: So, what did you think of my film? Really. Constructive criticism only, please.","Dawson: I, uh, I thought your film was was technically accomplished.","Nikki: Technically accomplished. That sounds like a nice dismount off the balance beam.","Dawson: Well, it's better than derivative. Or unclear. Or not understanding your own material.","Nikki: OK. Maybe I was a little insensitive in my comments. I'm sorry.","Dawson: Duly noted. Now, you never mentioned, before, that you were entered in this film festival. Why not?","Nikki: I don't lead with my chin, Dawson. You can get hurt that way.","Dawson: That you can. Well, um, you seem to have really knocked them dead. Congratulations.","(Dawson walks off. In an outdoor Patio - Fran and Andie sit drinking coffee.)","Andie: I think I'm gonna write about her.","Fran: For your application essay?","Andie: 'Who's the one person who influenced you most, and why?'","Fran: You should. It might help you organize your thoughts about her.","Andie: I remember one day, it was about six months after the accident, I found her by a creek. She was just sitting in the water, her blouse was soaking wet and... her hair was flustered in strands across her face. It was like she didn't know where to go or what to do. I don't think I'll forget that image as long as I live.","Fran: Do you mind if I lay a dose of truth on you?","Andie: Sure. After I spoke my deepest, darkest secrets, why not?","Fran: One. Always wear sensible shoes. If your feet are killing you, you can't think straight.","Andie: (smiles) OK. And two?","Fran: Let yourself off the hook for things over which you have no control. Just because your mother couldn't get past your brother's death, doesn't mean you have to beat yourself up for making peace with it. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be sticking my big nose in.","Andie: No, no, I was just thinking something. Maybe when your mom starts to lose her mind, you sort of do to, you know, as a way of trying to understand what she's going through. This is so weird, I mean incredible even, that I'm sitting here, in Cambridge with","Fran: A sixty year old, career secretary? Well, one thing I learned a long time ago life can surprise you, in a thousand different ways.","(Cambridge Hallway - A.J. and Joey walk along.)","Joey: You know, as much as I appreciate you willingness to spend time with me, I've gotta ask, where are we going?","A.J.: You'll see.","(A.J. takes Joey into some room with a lot of books.)","Joey: OK, what is this place?","A.J.: A rare book and manuscript library.","Joey: Are we supposed to be in here?","A.J.: What's the matter? You afraid the library police are gonna come snatch us up? I wanted to show you something.","(A.J. pulls a box down from a high shelf.)","Joey: What?","A.J.: Have a seat.","(They both sit at the table as A.J. pulls something out of the box.)","A.J.: Look at this.","Joey: Little Women?","A.J.: Not quite. The book we know today as Little Women was originally published in two separate volumes. This is just the first. It's Louisa May Allcott's very own copy. Go ahead, look at it. Carefully. Let's see what this favorite book of yours has to offer.","(Joey looks at the book in awe. She flips through it, stopping at a page.)","Joey: This is the part where Jo and Meg go to Mrs. Gardiner's party. (reading from the book) 'Jo saw a big red-headed youth approach her corner, and fearing he meant to engage her, she slipped into a curtained recess. She found herself face to face with the Lawrence boy'.","A.J.: (reading) \"Don't mind me, stay if you like.\"","Joey: \"Shan't I disturb you?\"","A.J.: \"Not a bit. I only came here because I don't know many people and felt rather strange at first, you know?\"","Joey: \"So did I. Don't go away please, Sir, unless you'd rather.\"","A.J.: 'The boy sat down again and looked at his boots. \"How's your cat, Miss March?\"'","Joey: \"Nicely, thank you, Mr. Lawrence. But I ain't Miss March, I'm only Jo.\"","(Joey closes the book and hands it to him.)","Joey: My mom used to read it to me. That's why she named me Josephine. It was her favorite book.","A.J.: Was?","Joey: She passed away.","A.J.: I'm sorry to hear that.","Joey: I guess that's why I read it. And re-read it. 'Cause when I do, it's it's like she's with me.","A.J.: So so it's like a friend, the book?","Joey: Yeah. Exactly.","A.J.: Well, you can never have too many friends, Potter, comma, Joseph.","Joey: Sooo, Miss A.J Moller, what is your favorite book? Some ponderous tone by Heroditis?","A.J.: Are you ready for this? 'The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe'.","Joey: Well that sounds rather infantile.","A.J.: Entirely. But, like all the best things in life, simple, sweet... magical.","(A Gay Bar - Jack walks in hesitantly and sees all these guys dancing together. He notices someone looking at him and heads over to the bar.)","Bartender: Hey, what can I get you?","Jack: Uh, I I, um, I guess I","Guy: My guess is he can't handle much more than a beer. Make that two.","Jack: Oh oh no, you you don't have to do that","Guy: It's OK, I wanted to.","Jack: Thanks.","Guy: You're adorable.","(Jack can't make eye contact.)","Guy: You're shy, right? Well let's just start all over, OK? You're not adorable, and I am not attracted to you. Would you like to go somewhere else? I mean, this really probably isn't your scene. We we could just talk, OK? Maybe, I don't know, get to know each other a little better, and","(As the guy turns to grab the beers, Jack rushes out of the bar.)","(Film Screening Auditorium - the award ceremony is under way.) Announcer: Our second-place finalist is... Windscape, David Steiner.","(The crowd applauds as David goes up to accept his award. Nikki is smiling, obviously confident that she's won.)","Announcer: And now, in first place, the award goes to... Tommy and Moe, Carl and Michael Biggins.","(The crowd applauds as Carl and Michael go up to accept their award. Nikki looks upset and rushes out of the room. Dawson follows her.)","Dawson: Nikki.","Nikki: What now? Time to rub salt in the wound?","Dawson: You were robbed.","Nikki: Excuse me?","Dawson: I saw every single film at the festival and yours was the best, hand's down.","Nikki: Let's dispense with the mock compassion, shall we?","Dawson: There's nothing mock about it, Nikki. It's a simple fact.","Nikki: If it's OK with you, I'd like to be alone right now.","Dawson: How can you be so upset about this?","Nikki: Like your failure didn't affect you?","Dawson: Point taken. But there's a huge difference between what happened to me and what happened to you.","Nikki: And what's that?","Dawson: Well I learned that I have to dig deeper, and and reveal more of myself in my work if I'm going to make a film that's worth anything. You learned that film festivals don't necessarily award the meritorious.","Nikki: I wanted to win, Dawson.","Dawson: Nikki. Your film just wasn't technically brilliant, OK? It was inspired. It inspired me. It it made me remember why I got into film in the first place. Not to win festivals, not for glory, but to reach people. And you did, you made them laugh, you moved them. No matter what happens to me, I'm not gonna give up until I reach that goal.","Nikki: You really liked my movie?","Dawson: Yeah. I really liked your movie.","(Train Station - Andie and Dawson meet up as they walk to the train platform.)","Dawson: Are we the first ones here?","Andie: Yeah, it looks like it.","Dawson: So did you get your interview?","Andie: Yeah, I did. Not the one I expected, but maybe the one I needed.","Dawson: Pray, tell.","Andie: Oh, long story short, I had this chance encounter that yielded a little clarity. How about you? Did you get what you came here for?","Dawson: Yeah. I did. Also in a most unexpected way.","Andie: Hmm. I think that's what screws us up the most.","Dawson: What?","Andie: It's like you get this picture in your head of the way things should be, and and you end up closing yourself off to some of the wonder and serendipity of the actual experience.","Dawson: Who was this chance encounter with, Deepak Chopra?","Andie: Yeah, something like that.","(On the train - Jack is sitting by himself, but obviously saving the seat next to him and two opposite for Joey, Dawson and Andie. Someone approaches.)","Ethan: Are these seats taken?","Jack: Uh, yeah, I'm kinda saving them for some friends.","Ethan: No problem, say no more. (he continues on, looking for a seat.)","Jack: Actually, you know what? Um, it's cool. I don't even know if they're coming.","Ethan: You sure?","Jack: Yeah, positive.","(Ethan puts his bag in the overhead and sits across from Jack.)","Ethan: Do me a favor? Wake me up when we get to Capeside.","Jack: You're going to Capeside?","Ethan: Yep.","Jack: Me too.","(On the Train - Dawson walks through a compartment when suddenly a voice calls to him.)","Nikki: Hey porter, is that uh, decaf or 'caf?","Dawson: Nikki! Hey. What are you doing here?","Nikki: I'm doing the divorced-kid shuffle. Mom's a techie, she's been transferred to Chicago, so I'm going to co-habitate with my dad.","Dawson: I know that drill. My parents just got divorced.","Nikki: Sucks, doesn't it?","Dawson: Hmm-mm. I mean, I guess, you know, it's for the best and everything, you know, it was just a really long, drawn out long battle that","Nikki: If it's for the best, then why do I still fell so lousy?","Dawson: Yeah.","Nikki: Yeah.","Dawson: So, um, where does your father live?","Nikki: Um, a place called Capeside.","Dawson: You're kidding?","Nikki: No, he's a- a high school principal there.","Dawson: What? Wait a minute. Your father's Principal Greene?","Nikki: Do not tell me that you go to school there?","(They both laugh.)","Dawson: This is too weird.","Nikki: What are the chances?","Dawson: Wow. Um, so Mr. Jordan, he's the film teacher and his film lab is actually really full. I had to beg, lie, and steal just to get in. But you know, I think I have some pull with him.","Nikki: I'm already in.","Dawson: What?","Nikki: We've been e-mailing each other. He's been giving me this sort of, uh, private tutorial.","Dawson: OK. I wasn't aware that he did that sort of thing.","Nikki: You can handle a little friendly competition, can't you?","(Jack talks with Ethan.)","Jack: Bingham, Breely, and Buckingham?","Ethan: It's a prep school.","Jack: Sounds more like a law firm.","Ethan: Huh. Sometimes it feels like one. But in the main, I'm just happy to be out of claustrophobic Capeside.","Jack: So what brings you back?","Ethan: Heartbreak. I need a little parental TLC, some chicken soup, and the comfort of my childhood bed.","Jack: A long relationship?","Ethan: Two years. It feels like a divorce, I swear. Not to mention that I see him everyday at school.","(Jack stops suddenly.)","Ethan: It's like we've broken up but still living together. What's the matter, I get under the 'gaydar'? That's what everyone says, I'm the straightest gay guy they know. What about you?","Jack: What about me?","Ethan: Can people tell right away?","Jack: How can you tell? I mean, is it is it that obvious?","Ethan: Actually, yeah. I mean, not in a raging queen way, but more in a...","Jack: More in a what way?","Ethan: A babe in the woods, newbie way.","Jack: Newbie?","Ethan: Any sweet, inexperienced young gay man destined for broken hearts.","Jack: You make it sound so inviting.","Ethan: Well, let's face it, most guys are clueless.","Jack: How do you mean?","Ethan: You'll see Hey, what's your name, anyway?","Jack: Jack. Jack McPhee.","Ethan: (shaking hands with Jack) Ethan. It's nice to meet you.","(On the Train Platform - A.J. walks Joey out.)","A.J.: I hope I didn't keep you up all night.","Joey: You talked for eight hours about Ulysses.","A.J.: Yeah, I know. Sometimes it's hard to get that teaching assistance stuff out of your head. Especially when you're really passionate about something, you know, 'cause then your inner geek just runs wild. So what about you Joey Potter. What are you passionate about? What do you ache for?","Joey: I don't know. I mean, I wish I did...","A.J.: But?","Joey: Well, for the past couple of years my life has kind of revolved around this boy. How pathetic is that?","A.J.: But, you guys aren't together?","Joey: No.","A.J.: Do you know what a manifold is?","(Joey shakes her head no.)","A.J.: It's a math thing. It's hard to explain. But, imagine yourself shrunk to the size of a pin point sitting on the surface of a doughnut. Look around you and it looks like you're sitting on a- a flat disk, right? But go down one dimension and sit on a curve, and suddenly it looks like a a straight line.","Joey: You kinda lost me somewhere around the doughnut.","A.J.: In other words, the way something appears from afar might be quite different from the way it appears to your near-sighted eye.","Joey: So in order for me to figure things out, I should get myself some distance?","A.J.: Take your face out of the iBook. Look, would it be alright if I were to, you know, phone you sometime?","Joey: (shrugs) Well, it wouldn't suck.","A.J.: OK.","Joey: You got a pen?","A.J.: (takes one out of his pocket) Oh. Yeah. Do do do you have a piece of paper?","Joey: Um (checks pockets), no.","A.J.: (disappointed) Oh.","(Joey takes his hand and rights her number on it. He goes to offer his hand - to shake - but since Joey wrote on his right hand, they use their left instead.)","Joey: Bye.","A.J.: Bye.","(As Joey boards the train, Dawson and Nikki are walking through.)","Dawson: Joey! Hey, this is, uh, Nikki. Nikki, Joey.","Nikki: Hi. Nice to meet you.","Dawson: She's going to our school.","(Joey looks back at A.J they wave at each other. Dawson notices.)","Dawson: Who's that?","Joey: My roommate.","(Joey walks through as Nikki follows. Dawson gives A.J. one last look. Back at Capeside - Joey and Dawson are lying on his bed.)","Dawson: Is it just me, or is the prospect of going to college seem a lot larger?","Joey: I know what you mean. Is it the light at the end of the tunnel, or is it an oncoming semi?","Dawson: Or is it both?","Joey: Well, it's definitely going to take some getting used to.","Dawson: Hmm. Do you ever have one those moments when you kind of just realize that the world has snuck up and completely blind-sided you? I've been thinking about a career in fast food. 'Welcome to Taco Bell, can I take your order?' It kind of just rolls off the tongue.","Joey: Dawson, everything in life is not just about winning. I mean, you have to find joy in the process, you have to love what it is that you do.","Dawson: Good point. Which begs the question, what, uh, life lesson did you stumble upon this weekend?","Joey: Well. Well, college to me has always been about getting the hell out of Capeside, right?","Dawson: Right.","Joey: Well now I'm thinking that it could be more than that. I mean, it's scary, sure, but it's a world full of these deeply passionate people. I mean, people who get excited about books and ideas and theories and... it kind of excited me.","Dawson: (gravely) My suspicions have been confirmed.","Joey: What do you mean?","Dawson: That you are a really... big geek.","Joey: So is it just me, or or does this room seem a lot smaller all of a sudden?","Dawson: Really? (Joey nods) I was kinda thinking it seemed... safe.","Joey: (getting up to leave) I'll see ya, Dawson.","Dawson: See ya, Jo.","(Joey leaves through the window. The End.)"],"Show Title":"Dawson's Creek","Episode Number":"03x10","Episode Title":"First Encounters of the Close Kind","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Dawson_s_Creek_04x16.json","Recap":["The results of the senior polls have ramifications for Dawson, Joey, and Pacey, as the three try to ignore the tauntings of Drue Valentine. While Pacey and Joey try to find some alone time, Dawson finds his night with Gretchen more awkward than he'd expected. Meanwhile, Jack is suspicious when Jen drags him on some mysterious errands, and his suspicions are confirmed when he learns that she is stalking her therapist."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Capeside High School Cafeteria. Joey and Pacey are sitting next to each other at one of the table holding hands talking.]","Pacey: I got it. We check ourselves into the b and b, we use assumed names, Bessie's none the wiser, and we finally get to spend an entire night together for the first time in 2 weeks. What do you say?","Joey: There are no vacancies. There's some... Winter arts festival over on Wellfleet.","Pacey: Well, what do you think about you and me, the boiler room, right now?","Joey: No. Pacey...","Pacey: You considered that, didn't you? You did. I saw it in your eyes. You, Josephine potter, actually considered skipping A.P. Bio and engaging in illicit sexual activities with your boyfriend... On school grounds, no less. Naughty girl. Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk.","Joey: Well, it is second semester senior year. I guess these grades don't really count for anything.","[Drue comes into the cafeteria and grabs a chair and stands up on it.]","Drue: Clearing through here. People, coming through. Excuse me. [Sees Joey and Pacey kissing.] Ok, the two of you need to break that up or charge admission. Everyone, everyone, can I have a little attention here, please? A little attention. As most of you know, voting ended yesterday in the hotly contested Capeside high class of 2001 senior polls. And right here, I have, in my hand, fully certified for publication in this year's yearbook, results of said election. Now, uh, I can see that you're all dying of curiosity. But... Before we get to all that \"most likely to eke out a miserable and mind-numbing existence on the edge of suburbia\" crap, I just thought we'd start with class couple. You know, it's not much of a contest here, folks. Yes, it's those 2 people so in love they make the rest of us want to puke on a daily basis... Joey potter... And Dawson leery.","[Opening Credits]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Capeside High hallway. Joey throws Drue up against the wall and grabs the lapels of his jacket, while Pacey sits back and watches.]","Drue: Ok. Now, how is this a fair fight? What do you want me to do, hit her back? She's a girl.","Joey: Sucks, doesn't it? One of the few cultural advantages of being female.","Pacey: Well, you seem to have this situation firmly in hand. I think I'm gonna skedaddle off to class, ok?","Joey: Bye.","[Pacey leaves the two of them.]","Drue: Hey, thanks for your help, pal. Remind me to tell him about the dimpled chads for him and some ms. Jacobs chick. Whoa! Hey. Chill. Have you no sense of humor about this? I mean, personally, I think it's kind of funny that a majority of our classmates still care so much after all this time. I mean, you and Dawson went out for what? About as long as the spice girls were popular?","Joey: Please. Majority, my ass, Drue. It's obvious you rigged this thing.","Drue: Ok. I see. Uh, did you vote?","Joey: Did I vote? No, of course not. Most popular, best-looking. Who cares?","Drue: Obviously, you do.","Joey: You know what? This isn't a joke. This is my life, ok? And Dawson and I are not a couple. We're not anything resembling a couple. We're just friends. And you know what? It's taken us a long time to get back to that place, and I refuse to let you hurt him or Pacey by dredging up the past. So, I suggest that you fix this\u0097","[Dawson comes walking up to them.]","Drue: Oh, look. It's your friend, Dawson.","Dawson: Hey, is this mugging by invitation only?","Joey: You want to tell him, or should I?","Dawson: About your latest pathetic attempt at a practical joke? I heard.","Joey: And?","Dawson: Pretty funny, actually.","Joey: You think this is funny?","Dawson: How could it be anything else? It's so patently absurd. How can we be class couple if we're not even a couple? We're just friends.","Drue: That word again. Friends\u0097","Dawson: He's just trying to get a rise out of us, Jo, and we're late for fifth period.","[Drue takes this opportunity to escape from Joey.]","Drue: Later, kids.","[Scene: The Leery fish house. Gretchen is working behind the bar, while Pacey is sitting at it trying to talk to his sister.]","Gretchen: You want me to go drinking with Doug?","Pacey: Yeah. Why not? It would be fun, you know? And you don't have to feel like you gotta be home at any specific time just 'cause of me. In fact, you know, you could crash on Doug's couch if you wanted.","Gretchen: You know, I'm beginning to see where you're going with this.","Pacey: Going? I'm not going anywhere with this. Drinking and driving is a big no-no. And that couch is primo. That thing is goose-down. You'll sleep like a baby.","Gretchen: You did it, didn't you? You and Joey.","Pacey: What? No. Heh heh heh. I didn't say that.","Gretchen: You didn't have to. You did it, and now you want to do it again, which is why you're asking me to stay the night at Doug's and why you've been in such a good mood ever since you got back from the ski trip.","Pacey: Yeah. Is there some law that says Pacey can't be in good mood? I just want you and Dougie to reconnect\u0097","Gretchen: I can't believe I didn't notice this before. You know, there are only 2 things that make a man this happy, and the other one is free beer.","Pacey: Oh, god. This is not why I came over here, Gretchen.","Gretchen: Oh, come on. I think it's sweet.","Pacey: No, I think sweet would probably be doing it and then not telling anyone.","Gretchen: Well, if that's the only thing you're worried about, then buck up there, stud, because you didn't tell me. I pried it out of your cold, dead hands. And, uh, you have my solemn word I won't tell anyone.","Pacey: Anyone?","Gretchen: Anyone. Hey, I used to be a high-school girl, too, you know? And in the spirit of those days, how about I just conveniently fail to come home tonight?","Pacey: You'd do that?","Gretchen: Sure. And if Doug won't have me, I'll just crash at mom and dad's.","Pacey: You sure?","Gretchen: Sure. But you owe me, big time.","Pacey: I always do, Gretch. You're the best.","Gretchen: [Laughs] Freak.","[Scene: The Therapist office. Jen is sitting on a couch while Tom is sitting in a chair taking notes during their session.]","Tom: So, what makes your relationship with jack so ideal?","Jen: I don't know. He, um... He listens to me, we have fun together, and... A-and I feel like I can really trust him.","Tom: And if he were straight, you couldn't trust him?","Jen: I didn't say that.","Tom: What about girls?","Jen: What, you mean sleeping with them?","Tom: Trusting them.","Jen: Oh.","Tom: You said before that you find it easier to be friends with guys than with girls.","Jen: Right. Um, girls suck. [Laughs] I mean, it's like they get a lobotomy the day they hit puberty. I mean, one day, you're all milling around F.A.O. Schwartz in the rainbow brite section. The next day, somebody gets breasts and... After that, it's all about getting boys to like you, and whoever dies thinnest wins.","Tom: Is that what happened to you? You wanted boys to like you?","Jen: Teenage sluts aren't born. They're made. That kind of thing?","Tom: You said before that you made some bad decisions when you were younger, some decisions you regret...","Jen: Yeah. The whole... s*x before the 13th birthday not a good idea.","Tom: You told me you were drunk the first time you had s*x.","Jen: And the second and the third, but I think we've already been over this. Unless, of course, you would like to share some embarrassing details of your first sexual experience, huh? [He just looks at her.] Oh, come on. Aren't you gonna ask me why that's important to me?","Tom: Do you want me to?","Jen: No. It's just every time that I ask you a personal question, you always want to know why it's important to me.","Tom: Not this time.","Jen: Why, is time up or something?","Tom: I'm not asking, because I don't have to. I know why it's important to you. I'm much better at this than you think I am. Also, it's time.","Jen: Right. Ok, then.","Tom: See you Tuesday?","Jen: See you Tuesday.","[Scene: The Leery Fish House. Gretchen is busily working when Dawson comes into the restaurant, and she turns and hands him something and sees the coffee he is carrying.]","Gretchen: There you go. Oh, hey.","Dawson: Is that for me?","[Takes his coffee]","Gretchen: Nope. One of the waitresses flaked, and I'm so not working tonight, but I told them I'd wait until they find someone or until your mom gets here.","Dawson: Oh.","[Telephone rings]","[Gretchen takes Dawson's coffee from his hands and takes a drink.]","Gretchen: mmm! What's in here? There's never enough coffee in your coffee. [Takes another sip.] Mmm.","[She picks up the phone.]","Gretchen: Leery's fresh fish. Oh, hi, gale. Yeah, I know what you mean. Traffic on 95 is always a bitch. Uh, sure. Yeah, I'll tell Bodie. No problem. Ok, have fun. Monday. Bye. [She hangs the phone back up.] That was your mom.","Dawson: How is mom?","Gretchen: Dawson? Did you forget to tell me something? Something, perhaps, about your parents going out of town this weekend?","Dawson: Uh, oh, hey, guess what? My parents are going out of town this weekend.","Gretchen: How is it I'm the last person to get this information?","Dawson: My mom didn't tell you?","Gretchen: Uh, no.","Dawson: That's odd.","Gretchen: Of course, you never mentioned it, either.","Dawson: Ok. Busted. [Laughs] What was I supposed to say?","Gretchen: How about \"my parents are going out of town this weekend?\"","Dawson: All right. See, you say it, it sounds like normal conversation. I say it, it sounds like the world's worst come-on.","Gretchen: [Laughs] Ok. Well, um, I guess I shouldn't come over later with a couple of videos and some microwave popcorn?","Dawson: Well, I didn't say that.","[Scene: Gretchen and Pacey's place. Joey is knocking on the door when Pacey opens the door. She starts kissing him and pushes him down onto the couch and jumps on top of him still kissing him.]","Pacey: Good god, woman. It's not even nighttime yet. Oh. There's not even a \"hello. How are you doing? How was your day after school today, Pacey?\"","Joey: Hi.","[She continues kissing him.]","Pacey: Yeah, hi. You know, I don't think I like this turn that our relationship has taken here. You have no respect for my feelings. We never talk anymore...","Joey: Pace?","Pacey: Hmm?","Joey: We spent 9 months talking. We've been doing this for 2 weeks.","Pacey: Wait, that still doesn't mean that you get to treat me as a s*x object.","Joey: Aww, I can tell you're all broken up about it.","Pacey: Yes, I am.","Joey: Mm-hmm. [Se finally pushes back from him for a second and looks around.] When's Gretchen coming home?","Pacey: Never.","Joey: Get serious, Pacey. She lives here. She'll come home eventually.","Pacey: Yes, to pick up a couple things, and then...","Joey: And then...","Pacey: And then she's going to crash somewhere else so that we can have the whole place to ourselves for the entire night. Which is exactly what we wanted, right? It's great.","Joey: So, she knows?","Pacey: Gretchen? Yeah. She knows, but it wasn't me that told her, you know, she figured it out for herself. Are you mad?","Joey: No, I'm not mad. I'm just... I'm a little embarrassed, but it'll pass.","Pacey: But this isn't a problem. Right? 'Cause, you know, if this is a problem, I'm pretty much willing to do anything in the universe to make sure that this isn't a problem any more.","Joey: It's not a problem.","Pacey: Ok.","[The hug each other and we can see that it is a problem to her.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The Coffee House. Jen and Jack are sitting at a table next to the window, and Jen is staring out it.]","Jack: I take it you like this whole therapy thing?","Jen: What makes you say that?","Jack: You started going 3 times a week.","Jen: Oh, yeah, right.","Jack: You know, isn't his office around here or something?","Jen: Yeah, something-- something like that, yeah.","Jack: Yeah. It's possibly right across the street, that building you keep staring at.","Jen: What? I'm not--I'm not-- I'm not--I'm not staring.","Jack: Yeah, right. Come on, and I wasn't lured here under false pretenses.","Jen: What false pretenses?","Jack: What--what are you, kidding me? The window seat, the 16 refills... We're stalking your therapist.","Jen: We're not stalking anybody. We're sitting. We're having coffee and conversation. We're completely immobile.","Jack: Uh-huh.","Jen: If dr. Frost should happen to walk out of his anally retentive, Scandinavian-designed office\u0097","Jack: You might be able to find out something about his personal life. Now, how is that not stalking?","Jen: Jack, this guy knows everything about me, I mean, things that I haven't even told you, and I don't know anything about him. I don't know what kind of car he drives, where he lives... For all I know, the guy could be a promise keeper or a Christina Aguilera fan.","Jack: And we're gonna find all that out by sitting here in this window?","Jen: Well, not exactly. [Tom walks out of his office.] Whoo! Wow, there he is.","Jack: So...","Jen: So, up you go.","Jack: Up I go--no, whoa! No, see, you said we're sitting, ok, we're gonna remain immobile.","Jen: Yeah, but... Jack, if we don't follow him how are we gonna find out anything about him?","Jack: That's very simple: We're not.","Jen: Please, you're my friend. This is exactly what friends do for each other. I've seen it in the movies.","Jack: Yeah, on what planet? Come on.","Jen: You know, you're always saying I should have a hobby.","Jack: Right, right. All right. I think I liked you better as a matchmaking nudge.","[Jen drags him out of the coffee house.]","[Scene: Gretchen and Pacey's Place. Pacey is on the phone trying to order some pizza for him and Joey.]","Pacey: I'd like to order a large pizza, please.","[Gretchen comes into the house.]","Gretchen: Hi. I'm not really here, I'm just picking up some stuff.","Pacey: Uh, large, dude, grande. Hey, how do you say \"cheese\" in Portuguese?","Gretchen: Uh, try fromage.","Pacey: Fromage grande.","[As Pacey is ordering Joey walks over to Gretchen and quietly talks to him.]","Joey: Gretchen, can I talk to you for a second?","Gretchen: Yeah.","Pacey: That's not it. [He turns and walks towards the kitchen to order.] How about queso? No? Le dairy?","[Joey and Gretchen walk into the living room.]","Joey: I know that Pacey told you... Well, that you know, and, I was just hoping that you could...","Gretchen: I can keep my big, fat mouth shut? Don't look so serious, Joey. Who am I gonna tell?","Joey: Well, it's just that certain people have no need to know this information because it would only hurt them, and bring back painful memories, and it's not what I wanted this to be about.","Gretchen: You guys are just friends.","Joey: We are. We're just not the type of friends who tell each other everything the second it happens, and if he were to hear something like that, you know, something about me, I would want it to be from\u0097","Gretchen: Joey, I think we're in complete and total agreement here.","Joey: We are?","Gretchen: Yeah. I am not gonna say anything to Dawson on the subject of you and Pacey. But I gotta warn you-- I mean as a friend and as a vaguely older and wiser sister-type figure-- this kind of information, it's not all that hard to guess.","Joey: I know.","Gretchen: I mean you look happy, Joey.","[Pacey comes into the living room to join them.]","Pacey: Uh, so the guy tells me it's gonna be here in 45 minutes, but I have no idea what's gonna be on it. It could be dried insects for all I know.","Joey: Great.","Gretchen: Ok, I am out of here.","Pacey: All right, then. Hi and bye. Where are you going, anyway?","Gretchen: Dawson's. See ya.","[Scene: The book store. Jen and Jack are there spying on Tom who is browsing through the books.]","Jen: Ok. There he is. Just don't look up. Look down.","Jack: One of us has to look up, Jen. Otherwise it defeats the purpose of this whole stalking thing.","Jen: All right, you look up.","Jack: Ok.","Jen: What's he doing?","Jack: Uh, well, he's in a bookstore. He's looking at books.","Jen: Uh-huh. What's he looking at?","Jack: At the moment, looks like interview with the vampire. So, he's, uh, he's obviously gay. Can we go now?","Jen: No. Wait a minute. What do you mean, \"obviously gay\"? Straight people read Anne rice.","Jack: Well, hello? You party all night with eternal youth and a great wardrobe. What other segment of the population does that appeal to?","Jen: Huh? How did you manage to surpass me in the knowledge of all things gay?","Jack: s*x and the city. [He sees Tom start to walk away.] He's moving.","Jen: Which way?","Jack: Uh, he's going... He's going that way, so go this way. No, no!","[They turn the corner and run right into Tom.]","Jen: Oh! Jeez! Oh, my god. I'm so sorry.","Tom: Oh, no problem.","Jen: Hi...It's so... This is my friend Jack. Jack, this is-- this is my th\u0097","Tom: Friend. Tom frost.","Jack: How are you?","Jen: Just browsing for books.","Tom: Well, they seem to have those here.","Jen: Hmm. Any recommendations?","Tom: In poetry?","Jen: What?","Tom: That's where you're browsing.","Jen: In poetry? Right. Yeah, I love poetry.","[Tom reaches down and picks up a flyer.]","Tom: Well, I'm, uh, quite fond of this person...","Jen: Right, Robinson Ellsworth. I love him.","Tom: Her. Um, she's reading tomorrow at the arts festival over in Wellfleet.","Jen: Wow.","Tom: Maybe I'll see you there. Well, take care.","Jen: You, too.","Jen: I do like poetry. [Jack laughs at her] Where the sidewalk ends.","Jack: Yeah, right.","[Scene: Pacey and Gretchen's Place. Pacey and Joey are eating their pizza while talking to each other on the couch.]","Joey: So, I'm sure she's just stopping by Dawson's, and then they're gonna go out, and then she's gonna go back to Doug's, spend the night, just like she said. So what if Mitch and gale are out of town?","Pacey: Mitch and gale are out of town?","Joey: Last pre-baby trip. At least according to Bodie. I'm sure it's nothing.","Pacey: Well, it has to be nothing, because frankly, the alternative is just too horrifying to contemplate.","Joey: She's your sister. He's our friend. Any way you look at it, it's weird.","Pacey: Hmm. How weird would you say it is?","Joey: Out of 4 stars, or on a scale from one to 10?","Pacey: I'm being serious here for a second. Do you care?","Joey: No. You?","Pacey: No. Are you sure?","Joey: Of course I'm sure. It's entirely none of our business, Pace. And besides, it ruins the mood. And I, for one, am not gonna let that happen after we've waited so long for this night.","[Scene: Dawson's House. Gretchen and Dawson are sitting on the couch watching some movies snuggled up with each other.]","Gretchen: Come on. It was sweet. I mean, look, she loved the guy so much she made the same mistakes all over again. And she got to sleep with the motorcycle guy.","Dawson: Yeah, but all that crap about her and nick cage being soul mates? Come on. Jim Carrey was good, though.","Gretchen: Yeah.","Dawson: Ok. Next.","Gretchen: Ok. Let's think. I have an American movie classic. Ok. It's somewhere in here.","[Gretchen starts going through her purse and pulls out a night shirt and a toothbrush.]","Dawson: You go out every Friday night with pajamas and a toothbrush?","Gretchen: No. Heh heh, no. I just like to be prepared, you know, for whatever possibility might come up.","Dawson: And you spending the night is a possibility?","Gretchen: Do you want it to be? Uh... This is really awkward.","Dawson: Ha ha ha! A little. Yeah.","Gretchen: So, you know, hell, let's just talk about it. s*x. You know, we'll talk about it, we'll get it out in the open, and then we're gonna feel a lot better.","Dawson: Ok.","Gretchen: Ok. [neither one talks] You're not talking.","Dawson: And neither are you.","Gretchen: This is ridiculous.","Dawson: What do you want me to say?","Gretchen: Ok, fine. Be that way. I'll start. Um... The first time I had s*x was with my high-school boyfriend.","Dawson: Not that moronic basketball player.","Gretchen: You remember him?","Dawson: Oh, god, yes I remember him. I hated him. Oh, now I hate him even more.","Gretchen: Ok, this is good. See, we're laughing, yeah. Which is a lot better than sitting here not talking to each other.","Dawson: Right.","Gretchen: Your turn.","Dawson: I... This is totally unfair.","Gretchen: Why?","Dawson: Because I've never had s*x.","Gretchen: So? I've never been to the middle east, but I still have feelings on the topic. You've obviously thought about it.","Dawson: Yeah, obviously.","Gretchen: And...","Dawson: Um... With Jen... Uh, I mean, I was 15 years old. I don't think it would have occurred to me to ask, really. Um...Joey I...Kind of thought everything was perfect. But she wanted to wait, which is fine. And then everything that happened, happened. And then, uh... When they got back, at first, I... God, I was relieved, which is lame, I know. It's just...I don't know. A part of me was still clinging to the insane notion that Joey and I were destined to lose our virginity together.","Gretchen: Well, I guess it's not all that insane, I mean, she was your first serious girlfriend.","Dawson: Yeah, but... Now I just kind of wished they'd done it on the boat. You know, I mean I just... Or just, they'd do it now and get it over with, you know, put the final nail in the coffin of Dawson and Joey.","Gretchen: How do you know they haven't?","Dawson: She told me. Pretty adult, huh? Especially for us. I asked her, and she told me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Dawson's House. Gretchen and Dawson are now sitting on separate ends of the couch not necessarily watching the movie that is playing on the TV.]","Dawson: [Sighs]","Gretchen: [Sighs] What's this movie about, anyway?","Dawson: Uh, I have no idea. All I know is every time you get up to get a drink of water, you move further away from me on the couch.","Gretchen: You're right. Which is why I should go.","Dawson: I\u0097don't you think that's kind of a drastic solution to our problem?","Gretchen: Dawson, don't, ok?","Dawson: Don't what?","Gretchen: This is not why I came here tonight. I gotta go.","Dawson: Wha--wait a minute. Gretchen, hold on. This is silly. This is obviously some kind of misunderstanding.","Gretchen: You know what? I know it is, but I have to go. I was really wrong about something. Very wrong. So just don't ask me any more questions, ok? Just let me go.","[She turns and walks out of the house leaving Dawson confused.]","[Scene: Gretchen and Pacey's house. Joey is in the kitchen when Pacey comes down and wraps his arms around her.]","Pacey: You know, ever since they invented the cartoon network, there's really no reason for humans to get up this early on Saturday morning.","Joey: I wanted to make you breakfast.","Pacey: You'd do that for me?","Joey: Well, I don't make breakfast for just anyone, pace. I mean, in the past year, I've made it for, like, what? 200-300 strangers.","Pacey: That's very funny. Ooh. You know, you should wear my clothes more often.","Joey: You like it?","Pacey: Yep.","Joey: When was the last time you washed it?","Pacey: Hmm, I don't know. When was the last time you came over here to do my laundry?","Joey: That would be never.","Pacey: Never. Well, then, I think you have your answer. [They kiss and then she hands him a sheet of paper.] You know, when I told you that whole thing about telling me what you want, I didn't really expect a request to come in writing.","Joey: Milk, eggs, syrup.","Pacey: I know what this really is. You're trying to get rid of me. You had your way with me, my conversation has grown tiresome, and now you're giving me the boot.","Joey: Go. I'm gonna get in the shower or something.","[They Kiss]","Pacey: Ok. But only as long as you promise me you'll be wearing that when I come back.","Joey: Bye-bye.","[Pacey grabs his coat and goes outside to run into Dawson walking up to the house.]","Pacey: Hey.","Dawson: Hey. Hey, uh, sorry to drop by so early. I'm just looking for Gretchen.","Pacey: She's not with you?","Dawson: Uh, she was last night. She never came home?","Pacey: No. But that's no big deal. She's probably just over at Doug's.","Dawson: All right. Uh, you know what? You're probably right. She's probably fine. I just really would like to know if she got home ok.","Pacey: Well, sure. I'll give her a call and then I'll call you, ok?","Dawson: Can you do it now?","Pacey: You wanna call?","Dawson: Yeah, just borrow your phone. It'll take 2 seconds.","[He looks back at the house for a second]","Pacey: Yeah, sure thing.","Dawson: Thanks.","[The go inside the house and Joey hears them and quickly heads into the hallway.]","Dawson: So, dude, since when do you get up before noon on the weekends?","Pacey: Heh heh. Well, you know, a man's gotta eat.","[Joey goes into the bathroom and quietly closes the door.]","[Scene: The Poetry Reading house. Jen and Jack are there looking around for Tom, waiting for him to get there.]","Jack: Ok, I don't see him.","Jen: He's just late. All right?","Jack: How do you know that?","Jen: Well, obviously because he invited me.","Jack: He didn't invite you, ok? He was just making polite conversation. At least, I hope he was.","Jen: I'm starting to sense that you don't have the highest opinion of psychiatrists.","Jack: With my family history? Forgive me for not thinking that psychiatry is foolproof. Look, not all therapists know what they're doing, you know? They're just as fallible as auto mechanics, probably even more so. And for starters, any therapist that's gonna date one of his patients is just not worth having around.","Jen: Jack, shh! God, I am not trying to date him. All right? I mean, you've seen the guy. He's obviously not my type.","Jack: So, you absolutely, positively, do not have a crush on this guy?","Jen: No, I don't have a crush on him. God, I... I don't know why you're asking me all this.","Jack: Well, it's fairly common for people to develop a thing for their shrinks.","Jen: Well, that's not what's happening here, all right?","Jack: Forgive me for asking, then what the hell are we doing here? Why do you need this guy to like you so much?","Jen: I don't need him to like me.","Jack: Right. Yeah, I forgot. You love poetry.","Jen: Right.","[Scene: Gretchen and Pacey's place. Pacey is on the phone with Doug, while Dawson is waiting to hear what he found out.]","Pacey: That's what I thought, Doug. Ok. Thanks. Bye. Problem solved?","Dawson: Yeah, great. Thank you. I really appreciate this.","Pacey: Hey, better safe than sorry. Right?","Dawson: Yeah.","Pacey: Yeah.","Dawson: So, uh... Just let her know I stopped by. Actually, you know what? On second thought, don't tell her I stopped by. Don't tell her, and I'll see if she calls.","Pacey: Dawson, look... If you guys had a fight and you want me to say something...","Dawson: [Sighs] We didn't have a fight. It's just I... I just think she's seen the light. But, uh, thanks.","[Dawson leaves, and Joey comes out of the bathroom, and watches as he leaves, and Pacey turns back to her.]","Pacey: I'll be right back.","Joey: Great.","[Scene: The Poetry Reading. Jen and Jack are sitting on one of the couches waiting for Tom to get there.]","Jack: Well... He's not here. He's not gonna be here. Yeah, never was gonna be here.","Jen: Ok, you win. Happy?","Jack: Yeah. Can we go? Please?","Jen: You know, would it kill you to sit and listen to some poetry?","Jack: Yeah. Yeah, it would.","Jen: Ok, you're right. Come on.","[They stand up to leave and Tom walks up to them.]","Tom: You saved me a seat.","Robin: Welcome, everyone, and thank you so much for getting up this early.","[Scene: The Coffee House. Dawson is sitting alone at a table reading the paper when Drue comes up and takes a seat.]","Drue: Thank god. These places can be so lonely.","Dawson: That's one of the attractions.","Drue: You're mad about my little practical joke, aren't you?","Dawson: Actually, no, I'd forgotten about that in the wake of greater personal tragedies. But since you insist on invading my space\u0097","Drue: You want me to unfix the election? Let Joey and Pacey win as class couple?","Dawson: Mm-mmm.","Drue: Sorry. I can't do that. It's too boring. Where's the conflict? Where's the drama?","Dawson: There isn't supposed to be any drama.","Drue: You see? It's thinking like that that keeps high-school yearbooks mired in mediocrity.","Dawson: Are you suggesting they should be fiction rather than fact?","Drue: Personally, I've always found the truth to be a slippery little devil and somewhat lacking in the fun department.","Dawson: And you don't care who gets hurt?","Drue: It's downright sweet, all this concern you seem to have for Joey, but I should probably warn you, all it really does is prove my point.","Dawson: I wasn't aware that you had one.","Drue: Oh, god, please. This whole friend dance that you guys do, as if you were actually over each other? As if you hadn't fatally wounded each other's psyches and doomed all your future relationships? I mean... I'm sorry. This is great stuff. It's what makes you and Joey far and away the more compelling couple.","Dawson: Well, much as I appreciate having my life explained to me by you, this sounds like you have no intention of unfixing this problem.","Drue: My hands are tied.","Dawson: I guess mine are, too.","[Scene: Outside Gretchen and Pacey's Place. Gretchen is sitting on the porch when Joey comes outside. Gretchen is sitting there just looking out into the waters off the coast.]","Joey: Hey. You're back.","Gretchen: I am.","Joey: So, what's the deal?","Gretchen: Meaning?","Joey: I don't know. I kinda got the impression that everyone was worried about you.","Gretchen: And by everybody you mean Pacey and Dawson. 'Cause that would pretty much be everybody, now, wouldn't it? Sometimes I wish I'd been here last year, because I would really like to know how you guys got into this mess to begin with. You're all so worried about hurting each other. Everybody's trying to be so nice all the time...","Joey: Except you?","Gretchen: Yeah. Except me. I'm really not feeling too nice at the moment.","Joey: Look, Gretchen, I know that you and Dawson had a fight or something, and I know that you didn't spend the night at his house last night.","Gretchen: Did you want me to? You know, all these lies, these lies that you're all telling to protect each other, they're not gonna solve anything.","Joey: What lies?","Gretchen: You lied to Dawson about you and Pacey having s*x.","Joey: I made a decision, a very private decision about my life, and I really don't want the whole world to know about that.","Gretchen: You really don't want Dawson to know about.","Joey: Well, it's the same thing.","Gretchen: No, it's not, Joey. I don't wanna be the ogre here, but lying to Dawson isn't gonna solve anything. It's not fair to him. And it's not fair to somebody who's trying to have a relationship with him.","Joey: Meaning you. You know, Gretchen, you're right about one thing. You weren't here last year, and you don't know what it's like, so there's no way that you could possibly understand.","Gretchen: You have to tell Dawson the truth. There's no other choice here. And if you won't do it for him or for me, then just do it for Pacey.","[Pacey comes up carrying a bag of groceries.]","Pacey: What's up, you guys?","Joey: Uh, Bessie had some sort of a meltdown. I gotta go. I'll see you later.","Pacey: Uh, right. Give me a call.","Joey: Yeah.","[Joey leaves, and Pacey just looks at her and Gretchen really confused.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Outside Gretchen and Pacey's place. Gretchen is still sitting outside when Pacey comes back outside to join her.]","Pacey: All right, so what'd I miss?","Gretchen: Nothing.","Pacey: You and Dawson had some sort of fight, didn't you?","Gretchen: Since when do you care, Pacey?","Pacey: What? I can't take an interest in your life?","Gretchen: No.","Pacey: Ok, well, if you and Dawson didn't have a fight, then what were you and Joey talking about? And why was he here at the crack of dawn this morning?","Gretchen: Dawson was here?","Pacey: Yeah. Dawson was here, but I'm not supposed to tell you that, so you didn't hear it from me. And unlike you, he does seem to be under the impression that you had a fight last night. He just doesn't know what it's about.","Gretchen: Pacey, you don't want to hear about me and Dawson, so just stop, ok?","Pacey: Stop what?","Gretchen: Stop asking.","Pacey: Ok, now I really want to know, Gretchen.","Gretchen: No, you don't. Believe me. You don't.","Pacey: Yes, I do, because I'm starting to have this horrifying feeling that it somehow involves me. Ah, no comment.","Gretchen: Why don't you just ask Joey about this?","Pacey: You want me to ask Joey about the problem that you and Dawson are having?","Gretchen: Yeah. No. No, look. Pacey, I'm just really not in the best of moods right now, ok? I mean, let's just say that you were right about me and Dawson. Maybe he's too young for me.","Pacey: My goal is not to be right. My goal is to figure out what's going on, especially if it involves me and Joey, so I think that you should just tell me what's going on, whatever it is. And I won't mention it to Dawson and Joey.","Gretchen: Great. More lies. That's really gonna help.","Pacey: More lies? What lies? 'Cause the only lie that I can see that's being perpetrated right now is you, my own sister, lying to me.","Gretchen: Joey lied to Dawson. I don't know why, I don't know what it meant, but he asked her flat-out whether you guys were sleeping together, and she lied. And that's the truth, Pacey.","[Scene: The Poetry Reading. The reading has finished and Jack and Jen are at the refreshment table.]","Jen: Hi.","Tom: So, which one was your favorite?","Jen: Which one?","Tom: Which poem?","Jen: Which poem.","Jack: Which poem, um...","Jen: God, they were so good.","Jack: I'd say, probably the last one would be good.","Jen: Yeah. Definitely. You're right. It was, you know, it has this really, um... This really surreal quality to it, which--all the same, it was very deep and--and totally original, but really great imagery.","Tom: Yeah.","[Robin comes up to then and puts her arm around Tom.]","Robin: Don't ditch me, ok? I still have to do this linger-and-talk thing.","Tom: Robin, this is Jen and jack.","Robin: Oh, hi. Thanks for coming.","Jen: Sure.","Tom: Jen was just telling us how much she liked the last one.","Robin: Oh. That's his favorite, too. Not that he gets it. [Laughs] You guys high-school students?","Jack: Yeah.","Jen: Yeah.","Robin: I told you all hope was not lost for the youth of America. You know, when we were high-school students, the things that we used to\u0097","Tom: shouldn't you be mixing?","Robin: Well, only if you mix with me. It was nice meeting you both.","Jack and Jen: You, too.","[Tom and Robin walk away from them.]","Jack: Definitely not gay.","Jen: No.","[Scene: Capeside High Computer room. Dawson is sitting in front of one of the computers when Joey comes walking up to join him.]","Joey: This is by far the strangest place you've ever asked me to meet you.","Dawson: Ah, yeah. I decided to, uh, you know, pitch in, make sure the right people ended up on the right pages. Not buying it?","Joey: We both know that yearbook is a shameful, squalid waste of time.","Dawson: All will be revealed in good time. Would you like some coffee?","Joey: You drink black coffee?","Dawson: Oh, yeah. I drink it. I don't like it, but I drink it. Figure everybody's got to have at least one vice, right?","Joey: I guess there's a lot we don't know about each other. That's not how it used to be. I mean, we... We used to be able to tell each other everything.","Dawson: Yeah. I'm not sure that was such a good thing.","Joey: Not a very Dawson leery-like thing to say.","Dawson: Which brings me to something else that I want to say to you. Um... I want to apologize.","Joey: For what?","Dawson: For that question that I asked you a couple of weeks ago, that very personal question. I should never have asked you that. I... I don't even know why I did. It's some masochistic side of me that I haven't explored yet. Probably the same side of me that's sabotaging my relationship with Gretchen.","Joey: You think you're sabotaging your relationship?","Dawson: Well, mentioning you every 30 seconds, I'm sure, doesn't help. I'm just--I don't know, I'm so terrified of making the same mistakes that I made in the past that every minute I'm with her turns into this pitched battle in my head. I mean, do I show her the confused mess that I really am? Or, you know, do I attempt to act cool, be the kind of guy who gets the girl?","Joey: Maybe you are the guy that gets the girl.","Dawson: I didn't get you. Anyway...","[He turns back to the computer he was working on.]","Joey: Senior polls?","Dawson: It occurred to me that Drue is kind of like one of the more lame TV batman villains-- evil with a short attention span. He went through all the trouble of rigging the election and then quit the yearbook staff before his plan could be fully realized.","Joey: So, you're volunteering your services to yearbook.","Dawson: Yeah, I figured I'd follow through for him. You know? For posterity's sake if nothing else. At least let the record reflect the truth this senior year.","[He drags a picture of Joey and Pacey onto the page with the words \u0093Best Couple\u0094 on it.]","[Scene: The Poetry reading. Tom and Jen are there talking to each other.]","Jen: She seems really nice, your girlfriend.","Tom: She is nice.","Jen: So, she's your girlfriend?","Tom: Like I said, I am glad you came.","Jen: So I could make a total idiot of myself?","Tom: No, because you like poetry. And sitting in coffeehouse windows and browsing in independent bookstores. We have a lot in common, you and I.","Jen: Well, if you knew what I was doing, why didn't you just stop me?","Tom: Because it was obviously important to you. What's less obvious is why, and we will talk about that on Tuesday.","Jen: Why? Can't I just want to know things about you? I can't just be curious?","Tom: About me? I'm not really all that interesting. I think there's some bigger question you needed answered.","Jen: What--what big question?","Tom: Tuesday.","Jen: A clue.","Tom: What? Like 5 letters, starts and ends with the same consonant? It's not a crossword puzzle. It's what we were talking about on Friday. You were there, weren't you? In body, if not in spirit?","Jen: Trust. Is that the question?","Tom: And what's the answer?","Jen: Yeah. Yes, that I can trust you.","[Scene: The piers by the water front. Gretchen is staring off into the water, when Dawson comes walking up and joins her.]","Dawson: You know, this probably isn't the best place for you to hang out if you're trying to avoid me. Of course, if you're trying to break up with me...","Gretchen: That's not what I'm planning.","Dawson: But you have been avoiding me.","Gretchen: Yeah.","Dawson: If I in any way gave you the impression that I'm not over Joey or made you feel like you're unimportant to me or that I don't want this to work--","Gretchen: That's not what I think. You didn't do anything wrong last night, Dawson. All you were was honest with me.","Dawson: So, then what's the problem? Is this about s*x?","Gretchen: No, it's not. Look, just promise me something.","Dawson: Anything.","Gretchen: That you'll always be as honest with me as you were last night. Because that's the hardest part about having a relationship. I mean, it's so much harder than s*x. You know, trusting someone is like this gigantic act of faith. You know, you put it out there and you can never really be sure that you're gonna get it back. And s*x... s*x is just mechanical. It's like... I don't know, like brushing your teeth.","Dawson: Ah, funny you should mention that, actually.","Gretchen: Why?","Dawson: Because I got you something... In case you were dumping me. Although, given the recent turn in conversation, it does seem a little ridiculous.","Gretchen: Wait. In case I was dumping you, you got me a present?","Dawson: Yeah. Well, you changed my life. I didn't want you to leave without some small token of my affection.","Gretchen: So, it's sort of like a parting gift.","Dawson: Yeah, exactly. [He pulls a toothbrush out of his coat.] You left your old one at my house, and it was really disgusting. You know, you're supposed to get a new one, like, every millennium.","Gretchen: I know.","Dawson: That's why they put the color on the bristles.","Gretchen: Ok, I get it. Shut up.","[Se snuggles up to him and they walk along the waterfront together.]","Gretchen: Thank you.","Dawson: You're welcome.","[Scene: on the shores of the water. Pacey and Joey are walking hand in hand enjoying the view and the weather. Even though it is a little foggy.]","Pacey: It's a nice thing that Dawson just did for you.","Joey: Why just for me?","Pacey: Well, you're the one who was so upset by the whole thing.","Joey: You know, I'm glad we walked. It's really nice out here.","Pacey: Yeah. It's not too cold.","Joey: It's kind of freaky, isn't it, the way the snow's all melted? Like it's gonna be spring soon and we didn't realize.","Pacey: Well, our new pastime is much more of an indoor sport.","Joey: Sometimes I wonder if we should have done it on the boat, you know? We were alone.","Pacey: Nah. We would've missed all the scenery.","Joey: Do you miss it?","Pacey: The scenery?","Joey: No. When we weren't having s*x. When everything and every moment wasn't about s*x.","Pacey: I don't know that that time ever really existed.","Joey: I guess you're right. I mean, before... When we hadn't had s*x... Everything was about s*x, and now that we have had sex--","Pacey: Everything is still about s*x. Do you think we're doing something wrong?","Joey: No. Do you?","Pacey: No. If you don't think that we did anything wrong, I was just-- I mean, I don't know why that you would...","Joey: Pacey, did Gretchen say something to you after I left this morning?","Pacey: No. Why?","Joey: No reason.","[They arrive back at Pacey's place but stop and Joey turns to Pacey.]","Joey: You know, let's just walk some more. I mean... We never do that anymore.","[They walk off into the scenery hand in hand.]"],"Show Title":"Dawson's Creek","Episode Number":"04x16","Episode Title":"Mind Games","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Dawson_s_Creek_05x17.json","Recap":["Charlie asks Joey to sing with his band at a distant club, which requires Pacey to drive them there. Pacey and Charlie hate each other, and it takes a patient Audrey to keep them from going at each other's throats. Joey is nervous and isn't well received by the audience, until Charlie helps her with a duet. Dawson, Jen, Jack and Grams drive to Capeside for Lily's first birthday, and Dawson is uncomfortable with his mother's friendship with a man. Jen confesses to Jack that she wants to break up with Dawson."],"Transcript":["[Scene: The School Hallway. Joey is walking down the hall when Charlie comes running up to her.]","Charlie: Joey Potter. Just the girl I'm looking for.","Joey: You really have that first name, last name thing down, don't you? Does that help you keep the ladies straight?","Charlie: Well, you know, I don't want to confuse Joey from Worthington with Joey from Amherst.","Joey: Oh, I passed her on the street once. Didn't like the looks of her.","Charlie: Funny, since she's got nothing on you.","Joey: You know, now really isn't a prime time for the obnoxious banter, so if the scary stalking part of the evening is over\u0097","Charlie: Move it along, right, yeah, ok. I need you.","Joey: Please say this isn't when you burst into you've lost that loving feeling.","Charlie: No, but, you know, funny you should mention bursting into song.","Joey: I thought we agreed to never speak of that night again.","Charlie: I thought you just meant the kissing part.","Joey: There you are, speaking of it.","Charlie: Ok, listen, listen. We're doing a gig upstate this weekend. 5 songs, opening act, it's an incredibly big deal. We're even getting paid. 500 bucks.","Joey: Wow, that's a month's worth of hair gel.","Charlie: Ohh. Look, this is kind of our first big break, except for the lead singer quit.","Joey: Hmm. Couldn't handle the bass player with mystique getting all the girls?","Charlie: No, these days there's really only one I want.","Joey: Ohh. Charlie, I'm flattered, really, in a kind of obligatory way, but\u0097","Charlie: I need you to sing.","Joey: Excuse me?","Charlie: I come to you with open arms, Joey, purely a guy asking a girl a favor.","Joey: You really trust me to front your band?","Charlie: Absolutely. Does this mean you'll do it?","Joey: I'll think about it.","Charlie: You're totally gonna do it, aren't you? Here's the set list.","[Puts a piece of paper into Joey's hand]","Joey: Ok, I said I'd think about it, and the longer we stand here, the longer I have to think about you and the 10,000 reasons why I don't want to do this.","Charlie: Thank you.","[Walks away , then slowly begins to skip and cheer.]","[Opening Credits]","[Scene: Joey and Audrey's Dorm Room. Audrey and Pacey are making out on her bed, when she stops and sits up.]","Audrey: Mmm! Mmm, yeah, you know, this is really hot and everything, but the thrill of knowing that Joey could walk in the door any minute is kind of wearing off.","Pacey: And here you told me you didn't have any fantasies.","Audrey: You know what I mean, Pacey.","Pacey: Actually, I don't. There's not a lot of blood running through my brain right now.","Audrey: Well, these make-out sessions used to be very old-school charming, but now it's quickly moving into the realm of slutdom. Your car, my dorm room, the coed bathroom. A lady must be courted, Pacey.","Pacey: So, that's it, then? We're having that talk, aren't we?","Audrey: You need to get an apartment.","Pacey: Is that it? And here I thought you were dumping me.","Audrey: Mmm! What's to dump? I'm not holding you back from anything, sport. You know, fly out into the world, my butterfly, be free.","Pacey: Do I have to?","Audrey: No. You just have to get an apartment. Seriously, I am feeling... all kinds of inhibited right now.","Pacey: This is you inhibited?","Audrey: Yeah, I mean, I can't really let my freak flag fly with all those warnings from my R.A.","Pacey: Then I definitely have to get an apartment. Mmm. I gotta go.","Audrey: Ok. Well, whatever. Call me from wherever you're squatting tonight.","Pacey: Will do. All right.","[Pacey gets up, and grabs his coat as Joey comes into the room]","Pacey: Potter.","Joey: Witter.","[Pacey leaves]","Audrey: Hey, before I forget, guess who called?","Joey: Um\u0097","Audrey: no, forget it. You suck at this game. Charlie called.","Joey: He called again? Persistent.","Audrey: So, are we going?","Joey: He told you?","Audrey: I am very engaging on the phone, Joey, and you're kidding me if you're telling me you're not gonna do this gig.","Joey: It was kind of fun at the bar, but\u0097","Audrey: kind of fun? Come on, I mean, it was verging on embarrassing. I practically had to drag you off the stage, you're such a media whore.","Joey: No, but the thing is tonight. I mean, that means we'd have to leave, like\u0097","Audrey: in an hour, I know. Charlie and I have it under control.","Joey: Well, I'm not riding in the van with his gaggle of questionable guitarists.","Audrey: Just relax and concentrate on your heroin chic thing. It just so happens I know a guy with some wheels.","Joey: What's with this Charlie petition? He's smarmy.","Audrey: Ok, let's just be honest here. I pretty much brought down the house that night, but Charlie has asked you to sing. Now either he's intimidated by my talent, which is kind of likely, or he's hot for you. I'll take the latter, and I don't think it's such a bad thing, Joey.","Joey: I mean, if I do this, which apparently we've decided I am, it's for the fun experience of it, not Charlie, just to clarify.","Audrey: Well, duly noted. Now, let's go pick out an outfit. And not from your closet, ok? From mine.","[Scene: Jen's Room. Dawson is wrapping a present as Jen is trying on various outfits.]","Dawson: Is it completely stupid for me to get clothes for my little sister for her birthday?","Jen: No, I think that it's great, you know. She's finally developing her own sense of style as opposed to that typical blatant nudity.","Dawson: Hey, speaking of which...","Jen: Why am I having such a hard time getting dressed? We're going to Capeside for a one-year-old's birthday party. Who am I trying to impress?","Dawson: You got me.","Jen: Do you mean I got you or you're stumped?","Dawson: What?","Jen: I don't know. Getting dressed.","Dawson: Carry on.","[Knock on door]","Grams: Jennifer, Dawson, I hope you're decent as I've already entered the room, and I\u0097[looks in to see Jen putting on a shirt]oh. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were, uh... let's move on. Um, Joey's waiting for you at the door, Dawson.","Dawson: Heh. Thank you.","[Grams leaves]","Dawson: Wow, I feel really old and boring all of a sudden.","Jen: Why? Just because grams didn't catch us in a compromising position?","Dawson: Yes, exactly.","Jen: You know, not every morning has to begin with an embarrassing grams encounter.","Dawson: I know, I know. We should go, unless you want to, uh...","Jen: I do, and I would, but I finally just got dressed. I'm just not in the mood to be separated from my outfit at this point.","Dawson: Ok.","Jen: That was easy.","Dawson: Excuse me?","Jen: Aren't you supposed to want to have s*x with me at every opportunity?","Dawson: I pretty much do. You just said you're not in the mood. And you've been cranky all morning, which kind of makes me not in the mood, so before this little fight you're trying to pick becomes fodder for your radio show, I'm just gonna go downstairs and answer the door.","[Dawson begins to leave room.]","Jen: Smart-ass.","[Dawson stops and turns back.]","Dawson: Are you ok? Seriously.","Jen: Yeah. Yeah, Dawson, I'm fine.","Dawson: Ok.","Jen: Ok.","[Scene: Outside Grams' House. Dawson comes outside to fins Joey waiting there for him holding a gift in her hand.]","Dawson: Perfect timing. We're leaving in 10 minutes.","Joey: Oh. Well, actually, Dawson, I came by to tell you that I'm not gonna be able to make it at all.","Dawson: Oh, something come up?","Joey: Kind of. It's a long story, and--well, I'm-- I'm going upstate to sing with Charlie's band. When you say it out loud, it sounds kind of crazy.","Dawson: What, Charlie Charlie?","Joey: One and the same.","Dawson: Ok, well, we're gonna miss you. Well, I'll miss you more than lily, but you can't blame the kid. She's got a short attention span.","Joey: Well, can you give this to her for me? It's just a little something. I... hope she likes it.","Dawson: It's bright and shiny. She'll love it.","Joey: Have a great trip.","Dawson: Yeah, you, too. Not gonna be the same without you.","Joey: Heh! Bye.","Dawson: Bye.","[Scene: Grams' Kitchen. Jack is sitting eating some cereal, when Jen comes in and grabs a class of Orange Juice.]","Jen: Is this a new kind of orange juice?","Jack: Mm-hmm. I think it's some pulp instead of tons of pulp.","Jen: Interesting. I think I'm gonna break up with Dawson.","[Jack spits his cereal back into his bowl, and there is an awkward silence which is broken by Dawson entering the room.]","Dawson: You ready to go?","Jen: Yeah.","Dawson: Ok.","[Scene: Outside Dawson's House. Grams, Jack, Jen and Dawson pull up in Grams' car. They get out to see a huge part with tons of people there.]","Dawson: wow. Had no idea you were throwing such a soiree. Quite a shindig for something lily won't even remember.","Gale: Well, I have been a little cooped up lately. Ooh, lily's birthday was just a nice excuse to gather some old friends.","[A man comes walking up carrying a little girl with him.]","Nathan: Coffee's ready, gale. Hey, you must be Dawson. It's nice to meet you.","Dawson: Hey.","Gale: Oh, sorry, how rude of me. Um, Dawson, honey, this is my friend Nathan and his daughter Haley.","Nathan: Say hi. Hi. Heh heh!","Dawson: Uh, this is my girlfriend Jen.","Jen: Hi.","Nathan: Nice to meet you.","Jen: Nice to meet you, too.","Gale: Well, um, I think I have just about everything ready. Except, of course, I did forget to pick up the cake at the bakery.","Jack: You know, Jen and I, we can do that for you, Mrs. Leery, no problem.","Jen: Yeah, that's no problem at all.","Gale: Oh, thanks, guys. So, Evelyn, Dawson, how about some coffee?","Jen: Be right back.","[They all go inside while Jen and Jack watch them go.]","Jack: Well, you can't dump him now.","Jen: Jack, it's not funny.","Jack: No, it's not funny, Jen, which is why we're going to get this cake together so you can fill me in on what the hell is going on here. Get in the car.","[Scene: Outside by Pacey's car. Pacey and Audrey are standing on one side of the car talking while Joey is waiting on the other side of the car.]","Pacey: And you'll let me pick the music?","Audrey: If you must. It'll be fun, Pacey. Come on! There are worse ways to spend your Saturday then traveling the open road with a couple of hotties.","Pacey: True, that. But I still don't like the idea of catering to chip mark and his merry band.","Audrey: Charlie Todd.","Pacey: I don't want to know the guy's actual name. I just don't want you to feel out of the loop or anything. This guy is not even in our social circle. I mean, sure, he circles around it like a vulture, but he's not actually in the circle, you know what I mean?","Audrey: No, but he is running towards us with alarming speed.","Pacey: Oh, you gotta be kidding me.","[Charlie comes running up to them]","Charlie: Whew! Thank god I found you. The guys left in the van an hour ago.","Joey: Maybe they were trying to tell you something.","Charlie: I overslept. You guys mind if I catch a ride?","Audrey: Well, I don't see any reason why you can't.","Pacey: What was your backup plan? You know, if you overslept and your ride failed you?","Charlie: Well, uh, this is pretty much it.","Pacey: And even that's an overstatement.","Charlie: What?","Joey: Nothing. Pace, I know this sucks, but there's not much they can do without him, and as long as we're going...","Charlie: Oh, thank you. You guys rock.","Joey: I'm really sorry, pace. Nobody planned on this.","Pacey: I beg to differ. I'm pretty sure laughing boy over there planned this. [Whining] \"I missed my ride.\" You know that this guy is just stalking Joey\u0097","Audrey: Hello! Present love interest standing right in front of you.","Pacey: It has nothing to do with you. I just saw what this guy did to Jen. I don't want him to do it to another one of my friends.","Audrey: Ok, let's just... enjoy this for what it is-- wacky road trip high jinx with a motley crew and their collective sexual tension.","Pacey: Throw in a bag of pork rinds, you got yourself a deal.","Audrey: Ok.","Pacey: But you keep this guy away from me. Seriously.","[Inside the car. Joey and Charlie are waiting in the back seat]","Charlie: Heh heh!","Joey: What?","Charlie: It's just... I think I dreamt this once.","Joey: What are you talking about?","Charlie: You, me, a big backseat.","Joey: This backseat has no implications.","Charlie: Hey, I didn't say that it did.","Joey: This is strictly business.","Charlie: All my backseat transactions are.","[Car doors close]","[Engine starts]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: In the car. They have begun their road trip, with Audrey and Pacey in the front seat, and Charlie and Joey in the rear seat.]","Audrey: Oh, looks like we're only gonna be, like, a half an hour away from Salem.","Pacey: I don't know that you'd be safe there, sweetie.","Joey: Hey, Charlie, what's the name of this place we're playing at again?","Charlie: \"We,\" huh? I knew it'd just be a matter of time before you started to embrace the life of a rock star.","Pacey: Yeah, you're really roughing it old-school style, buddy.","Charlie: Hey, this is a really sweet ride, Pacey. How much this set you back?","Pacey: You know, where I come from, Charles, it's not polite to dig into a man's financial affairs. So what is the name of this place we're going to, anyway?","Charlie: Uh, the Drunk and the Dead.","Pacey: Oh, that sounds like a nice family joint.","Charlie: No, it's awesome. I mean, I haven't actually been there, but some of the other guys have. I hear the crowd really gets into it. It's gonna be like an actual set, you know? Not just a bunch of college kids killing time.","[He sees the nervous look on Joey's face]","Charlie: Hey, don't worry.","Joey: I'm not worried.","Charlie: Just excited?","Joey: I'm not anything.","Charlie: Heh heh! Yeah, right. In your mind, you're already imagining your gateway drug and which mode of destruction you'll attack the hotel room with first.","[Scene: Outside Dawson's House. Jen and Jack are sitting on some benches talking.]","Jack: What's up with you and Dawson? Is it getting old?","Jen: Ohh... no, things are just... kind of coming into focus because I, you know, I was so quick to jump into this and tell everybody that they were wrong and that I was right and actually me and Dawson were destined to be together, and it was crazy. I just feel like that existed in some parallel universe, and now it's just sort of...","Jack: safe.","Jen: Ugh. If I admit that, then... I am really gonna seal the deal as a dysfunctional poster child. And it's not like Steve the indie rocker made me have any profound revelations about the meaning of love, but\u0097","Jack: but you felt something.","Jen: No, I missed something. That thing where you meet somebody for the first time and you get to decide yes or no with only yourself in mind. And I don't want to be that girl that's upset that Saturday nights aren't more fun. I mean, Dawson doesn't deserve that. He's had enough already.","Jack: Jen, you should tell him that.","[Scene: Inside Dawson's House. Dawson is standing in a doorway, watching Lily playing on the floor with some other kids when Nathan comes up to talk with him.]","Nathan: So, Dawson, your mom tells me you're enjoying your new film program in Boston.","Dawson: Yep.","Nathan: Yeah. I used to dabble a little bit in film when I was in Amherst. Nothing as advanced as you, believe me.","Dawson: No, I'm just starting out.","Nathan: Oh. W-what about that matrix movie? I mean, they used a lot of that new, uh, digital technology, didn't they?","Dawson: Right.","[Dawson looks down at Lily playing]","Nathan: Well, this one right here, I'll tell you. [Nathan reaches down and picks up Lily] Come here, ms. Lily-wily, we gotta keep an eye on you, right? This one, I'll tell you, she gets into those crayons, and her mama calls her a genius. Hi, genius. I guess the old visual creative gene runs in everybody's blood in this family.","Dawson: Excuse me for a minute.","[Scene: In Pacey's Car. They have been driving for some time, and there is dead silence in the car. You can sense the tension in the air.]","Charlie: Hey, pace?","Pacey: Yeah, chuck.","Charlie: Look, I don't mean to be a backseat driver or anything, but we kind of need to put the pedal to the metal, if you know what I mean.","Pacey: Did he really just say that to me?","Audrey: Yeah.","Charlie: Look, I understand that you want to be easy on the old girl, but come on, man, we're running a little late.","Pacey: Well, maybe you'd made better time with the old hog, huh, chuck?","Audrey: Hey, now, ok, guys. No need to auto-bash here. Charlie, honey, I'm sure we'll be fine. And, Pacey, sweetheart, a little speed never hurt anybody.","Charlie: You know, if you want me to drive, granny, hey, I can hop up front, all right?","Pacey: Heh heh heh. Ok.","[Pacey pulls the car over, and everyone gets out.]","Audrey: What are you doing?","Pacey: Anger management. This one's for me. Chuckles, get out of my car.","Charlie: What's the problem?","Pacey: There's no problem. We're leaving, and you're hitchhiking.","Charlie: Oh, come on, man, you're being ridiculous.","Pacey: I'm being ridiculous?!","Charlie: Here we go.","Pacey: You've been asking for this since the moment you showed up this morning uninvited.","Charlie: You know, believe me, I'm regretting it more and more every single second, but why don't you cut me some slack because you don't even know me.","Pacey: And you don't know me, because if you did, you would've started walking 5 minutes ago.","Charlie: I can't believe this. You don't think I can take you?","Audrey: Hey, guys, you know what? You're both very masculine and the girls are impressed. Can we just go now?","Pacey: Are you challenging me?","[Pacey Pushes him]","Charlie: Should I bother?","[Charlie pushes Pacey back.]","Pacey: You want that? Then let's go. Let's go.","[Audrey grabs Pacey's Arm and pulls him off towards the woods]","Pacey: Honey, could you just hold on to that for a second?","Audrey: Snookums, come on! Come with me now.","Pacey: I have a little bit of unfinished business\u0097","Audrey: Yes, but your Neanderthal charms have me smitten. Please come with me into the woods.","Pacey: That's not fair, that's not fair.","Audrey: What?","Pacey: That's not fair.","[They disappear into the woods]","Charlie: Yeah, let your woman take care of you.","[Charlie looks back to see Joey staring at him with a mean look on her face.]","Charlie: Ugh! What is his problem?","Joey: What is your problem? The guy's giving you a ride because he happens to be a decent person. Why did you find it necessary to speak?","Charlie: I don't know, I mean, it's a good way to pass a 6-hour drive. Look, and you gotta admit, all right, he totally overreacted.","Joey: That's a moot point. Now why not be a good little backseat freeloader and just ignore him?","Charlie: There are rules about these things.","Joey: Oh, god forbid you think for yourself.","Charlie: What is that supposed to mean?","Joey: You obviously rub him the wrong way. I think you're probably his version of a chesty blonde.","Charlie: Heh! You think I'm cute.","Joey: I say chesty blonde and you immediately think I'm hot for you. This is never gonna work.","Charlie: No, but you're thinking about it.","Joey: Yeah. [Seductively] Hey, if you're good, maybe later we could stop for ice cream.","[Audrey and Pacey come back, with their clothing somewhat disheveled, and both with a big smile on their face.]","Audrey: Ok, we're ready to go now.","Charlie: All better?","Joey: Charlie. [to Audrey] Whatever you did, and I don't want any details, but thank you.","Audrey: You're welcome.","[Scene: The pier outside Dawson's House. Jen and Dawson are sitting at the end of it talking as Dawson paces back and forth.]","Dawson: I'm all freaked out. I mean, I didn't-- tsk! Didn't expect my mom to be on the dating circuit. I just\u0097","Jen: I think that you should probably prepare yourself for this. Maybe not for Nathan, but... for the possibility of a Nathan.","Dawson: All right, that's great, I will prepare myself, but right now I'm angry and a little shocked.","Jen: If you're upset with your mom, why don't you just talk to her?","Dawson: Well, I'm kind of trying to talk to you.","Jen: She's moving on.","Dawson: From my father?","Jen: I'm sorry. That's not what I meant. I mean that she's moving on with her life. That's gotta... make you happy to some small extent.","Dawson: Does it?","Jen: People just need to breathe sometimes and act on their impulses. Your mom isn't gonna always react the way that you think she should.","Dawson: I know that I'm not her keeper. I'm just saying I have a right to reaction, don't I? Or maybe not.","Jen: I didn't say that you didn't.","Dawson: No, but, Jen, I'm trying to talk to you, and maybe you're trying to talk to me, but I feel like we're not having the same conversation.","Jen: You know what? I am just painting myself into a corner here.","Dawson: No, I'm sorry. I'M... I'm really thrown. I don't mean to attack you.","Jen: You're not attacking me. I just-- I don't want to... say something that I'm gonna end up regretting.","Dawson: Like what?","Jen: Nothing. I just... I just want to go. I'm gonna go.","Dawson: Wait a minute, what\u0097","Jen: Nothing, ok?","Dawson: All right, you and I were talking, and then all of sudden there was a continent between us. You want to tell me what's going on?","Jen: No. Um... I just want to take a breather. I'm gonna go somewhere with jack.","Dawson: Ok.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The Drunk and The Dead Bar. Joey, Audrey, Pacey and Charlie enter the bar to see that it is a biker bar, filled with a tough crowd. They see signs that read No Guns Allowed, and shots being filled at the bar.]","[Hard rock music playing]","Joey: Um, please tell me that we're just stopping here for directions.","Pacey: Yeah, because I'm sure the friendly patrons of this bar are just dying to help us plucky college kids.","Audrey: So it's got some character. I'm exploring.","Charlie: Ok, look, the guys aren't here, and we're not gonna have any time to rehearse.","Joey: Are you serious?","Charlie: No, it's ok. This kind of crowd probably isn't gonna care much about your singing if you know what I mean.","Pacey: That's great. Maybe you can make a little money off her after the show if you know what I mean.","Charlie: Oh, come on, man.","Pacey: I'm just curious why you brought Joey to place like this in the first place.","Charlie: She's a great performer. I thought she could have some fun.","Pacey: And maybe you'd have a little fun watching her, right?","Joey: Ok, guys, I'm standing right here.","[Audrey returns]","Audrey: Sorry, sorry. Guys, guess what? There's this chick in the back. She's doing jailhouse-style tattoos, 10 bucks with a shot. All right, let's go toughen you up.","Joey: Sounds divine.","[Joey and Audrey go off]","Pacey: I got my eye on you.","Charlie: I don't know why, considering the company.","[Scene: Inside the dressing room. Audrey is putting some make-up onto Joey.]","Joey: Sounds like this other band is pretty popular.","Audrey: It is not a face-off, bunny. No need to fret, no point, really. Not much means of defense against a Sabbath tribute band.","Joey: It's not that. I was gonna-- I don't care. Except that I do care. And I've been trying this whole time not to care, but it turns out that nonchalance doesn't suit me, and I want to win them over, but something tells me that's not gonna happen.","Audrey: Yeah, you don't do so well with things you don't do so well, but, hey, it's not like you're ever gonna see these people again. Although the night is young. Who knows what will strike your fancy?","Joey: I'm serious, Audrey. I mean, playing to this crowd is a lot different than playing to a bunch of warm and fuzzy college students. Ohh, why did I even say yes to Charlie?","[There is a knock on the door, and Charlie comes in]","Charlie: Hey, Joey? We're on in 5. All right, the set's taped to the mike. I'll introduce you, and then... [] you look gorgeous.","Joey: Thanks.","[Charlie leaves]","Audrey: And, incidentally, you said yes because you're curious.","Joey: I never said I liked him.","Audrey: I never said liked, I said curious. Same difference, clearly.","Joey: I have to go perform.","Audrey: Oh, yes, I know how serious you are about your music.","Joey: Shut up.","Audrey: Hey, never turn on your stylist, Joey. Never!","[Audrey goes out to join Pacey in the audience]","Pacey: Everything ok?","Audrey: Oh, a little stage fright, I think.","Pacey: Well, maybe that's because the front row is sharpening knives with their teeth.","Audrey: When did you become Mr. Mom? I thought you loved dives like this.","Pacey: I do for me, for the occasional wallow, not for my friends.","[Joey comes out onto the strange and Charlie gets ready to introduce her.]","Charlie: And now the girl who made aggressive mediocrity strive to be better men, Joey Potter!","Audrey: Yeah! Whoo!","[Audience booing]","[Feedback whines]","Joey: Hi.","[Laughs and hisses]","[Singly softly]","Joey: Jesse is a friend yeah, I know he's been a good friend of mine...","[Audience booing]","Joey: Jesse's got himself a girl and I want to make her mine","[Audience shouting and booing]","Joey: And she's loving him with that body, I just know it you know I wish I had Jesse's girl why can't I find a woman like that?","[The camera turns from the nervous Joey back to Audrey and Pacey.]","Audrey: She might have to take off her clothes, Pacey.","[Scene: Dawson's Living room. Dawson is sitting by the play pen watching as Lily is sleeping in it, and Gale comes quietly into the room to join him. She is carrying the gift the Joey gave them, but it hasn't been opened yet.]","Gale: Hey.","Dawson: Hey. She's out like a light.","Gale: Ohh, well she was quite the belle of the ball. Ohh. So, where did Jen go?","Dawson: She and jack went to go take a walk. I guess the party got a little wild for them. Actually, we had a fight.","Gale: About what?","Dawson: I guess what it was about was, uh...moving on.","Gale: Hmm. Which side were you on?","Dawson: Apparently, I'm against it, but... the longer I sit here and look at lily, the less clear my reasons become.","Gale: Sometimes there aren't even reasons, honey. Choosing a new direction in life isn't always something that requires a list. You just feel different. You don't even mean to, but if the choice comes down to moving on or trying to fit into the shell of your former self, well... I guess it depends on what you can live with.","Dawson: I should go find Jen.","Gale: Oh, you'll find each other. Nobody's going anywhere tonight anyway. Grams is passed out in the guest room.","Dawson: Heh heh! Party animal.","Gale: Ha ha ha! Ohh, you know, we forgot to open that.","Dawson: It's from Joey.","Gale: Yeah, it was really strange not having her here.","Dawson: Yeah, I was just thinking that.","Gale: Well... I think that I am going to clean up and, uh, call it a night.","Dawson: Hey, mom?","Gale: I know. I should've told you. But, honey, to be honest, I didn't know what to tell.","Dawson: What I was gonna say was, uh, it was nice today meeting your friend.","Gale: Hmm. Thank you. Well, good night, sweetheart.","Dawson: Good night.","[Gale leaves, and Dawson sits back down and grabs the present that Joey gave them, and he opens it. He finds a picture album inside, and opens it up to read \u0093Happy First Birthday Lily! May all your years be filled with Memories like these. Love Joey.\u0094 He turns the page to see that the album is filled with drawings that Joey has done. The first is a drawing of the Pier outside Dawson's House. Next is a picture of Dawson holding Lily, a drawing of Mitch, a drawing of Mitch, Gale and Lily, and finally a drawing of the whole family together. Each of these drawings bring back happy memories to Dawson.]","[Scene: The Drunk and the Dead Bar. Joey is still singing to the hostile crowd, and Audrey and Pacey look on sympathetically.]","[Audience booing]","Joey: Walk along the avenue...","[Pacey looks at Audrey]","Pacey: it's kind of like watching figure skaters fall.","Joey: Meet a girl like you","Audrey: I think it's almost over. Looks like Charlie's cutting it off, anyway.","[Charlie walks over while playing, and says something to the other band members.]","Joey: The kind of eyes that hypnotize me through hypnotize me through and I ran I ran so far away I just ran I ran all night and day I couldn't get away","[Band begins playing I hate myself for loving you]","Audrey: Whoo!","Charlie: One for the road! Midnight, gettin' uptight where are you? You said you'd meet me, now it's quarter to two you know I'm hangin', but I'm still wantin' you","Joey: Hey, jack it's a fact they're talking in town I turn my back and you're messin' around I'm not really jealous don't like lookin' like a clown I think of you every night and day you took my heart, then you took my pride away","Both: I hate myself for loving you can't break free from the things that you do I wanna walk, but I run back to you that's why I hate myself for loving you","Audrey: whoo! Whoo!","[All cheering. Joey starts getting into it]","Joey: Daylight, spent the night without you but I've been dreaming about the lovin' you do I won't be as angry about the hell you put me through hey, man, bet you can't treat me right you just don't know what you was missin' last night","[Cheering increases]","Joey: Say forget it just for spite I think of you every night and day you took my heart, then you took my pride away","Both: I hate myself for loving you can't break free from the things that you do I wanna walk, but I run back to you that's why I hate myself for loving you","Audrey: Whoo!","Pacey: Yeah!","[Band winds up song]","[Cheering increases]","[Scene: Outside the bar. The band is putting their equipment into the van, as Joey and Charlie are talking to some of the crowd outside. Audrey and Pacey just watch on.]","Pacey: Oh, god, you'd think the guy was jimmy page.","Audrey: Yeah, except it's the year 2002. Look, Pacey, what is up with the machismo, ok? I wasn't gonna say anything, but at this point, I'm thinking of going home with rusty over there.","[She points to one of the bikers]","Pacey: It's nothing. I just... he's just that guy. When you and Dawson were making that movie together, I had to watch him shove his tongue down your throat like 40 times while you and I were still working out this whole thing, ok? So when I see him, yeah, I want to punch him in the face, and, fine, if that makes me a bad guy, I guess I'm a bad guy, but when I see the two of you together, it drives me crazy, ok? And I wish that I could really impress you right now by saying something self-assured, but I can't, because I care, and that's just the best I can do, so do you think that we can leave now and just go get a burger or something, please?","Audrey: No. That's pretty much the last thing I want to do right now.","Pacey: Fine. I'm gonna go get the car.","Audrey: Hey. I was thinking more along the lines of checking into that motel across the street.","Pacey: Did I miss something?","Audrey: I can't believe you want to... punch a guy in the face for me, Pacey. It's so... disturbingly cute.","Pacey: Really?","Audrey: Really.","[They begins to kiss, when Joey and Charlie come up to them.]","Pacey: Not to interrupt a good time, but, um, are you guys ready to go?","Audrey: Yes, actually, there's... been a slight change in plans, Joey, because Pacey and I are really tired","Pacey: [Yawns]","Audrey: And don't you think that it would be a good idea if we stayed the night in that motel?","Joey: Not really, no.","Pacey: Well, you know, it's no Potter B&B, but wouldn't you just hate to miss out on any of the local charm?","Charlie: Hey, sounds good to me, man, I'm--I'm wiped.","Audrey: Well, would you look at that? The gentlemen agree on something.","Joey: Shocking.","[Joey looks unhappy as the camera fades to black]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Outside the Motel. Joey is sitting on one of the chairs out by the pool, when Charlie comes walking up to join her, carrying a room key.]","Charlie: The poolside breeze is tempting this time of year.","Joey: Exotic, really.","Charlie: I got us a room.","Joey: Let me guess. There were no single beds left.","Charlie: No, no, I swear. Not a one. Are you nervous?","Joey: About what happens after the prom? I think I'll be ok.","Charlie: Did you and Pacey go to the prom together?","Joey: We did indeed.","Charlie: God, that must be strange. Having him in there with your roommate.","Joey: That's the way we like to do things around here. I mean, aren't you the guy who met my friend Jen?","Charlie: Ok, ok. No need to rehash. So, is-- is he the only guy you ever had s*x with?","Joey: You know, that is so inappropriate on so many levels.","Charlie: Look, I'm just trying to cut to the chase here. Why do we always have to banter? Why can't we just have a serious conversation?","Joey: Why do we need to have a serious conversation?","Charlie: We don't, I guess. Look, I just can't figure out why you wouldn't want to make a new friend. I mean, all the rest of your friends are sleepin' together.","Joey: Ok. You got me. You're right. Yes, Pacey's the only one I've slept with.","Charlie: I've only slept with 2 people. One in high school and then Jen.","Joey: Really? I feel really close to you right now.","Charlie: You should. I don't tell a lot of people that.","Joey: What did you tell the girl that you were cheating on Jen with? That it didn't count?","Charlie: Oh, right.","Joey: It's kind of endearing, actually. Seeing the tired routine meet its end before my very eyes.","Charlie: Heh heh. God, I can't believe how much you throw off my game, Joey Potter.","Joey: Well, I try my best.","Charlie: You know, I think I'm gonna call it a night. If you ever get cold or slightly curious, about the room, that is, it's number 7.","[he places the key on the table next to her]","Joey: Good night, Charlie.","Charlie: See you later, Joey. You know, you were really great tonight.","Joey: Thanks. You did kind of help me out.","Charlie: Heh heh. No, you didn't need it. I just couldn't resist the urge.","Joey: To what?","Charlie: To be close to something that amazing.","Joey: Good night.","[Charlie leaves and walks around the corner of the building and runs into Pacey who is carrying a small paper bag.]","Charlie: Excuse me.","Pacey: We're ok.","Charlie: Long day, huh?","Pacey: Yeah.","Charlie: Provisions for the lady?","Pacey: Yeah, somethin' like that.","Charlie: Those are 2 of the most high-maintenance women known to man, and somehow you managed to wrangle both of them.","Pacey: \"High-maintenance\" is really just another way of saying \"high-quality.\"","Charlie: That's a nice way of looking at it. So then tell me something. Why are we suddenly starting to have a normal conversation?","Pacey: I don't know, really. That was a nice thing that you did out there tonight, and maybe I just got tired of hating you so intensely, but make no mistake, if you do anything to hurt Joey, I will make you regret it for the rest of your waking days.","Charlie: Yeah, I figured that. So you only kind of hate me now?","Pacey: If I were you, I wouldn't take that so personally. It's not a short list.","Charlie: [Laughs] Have a good night, man.","Pacey: You, too.","[Charlie walks off, and Pacey goes over by the pool to talk with Joey.]","Pacey: You gonna stay out here all night?","Joey: I was thinkin' about it.","Pacey: If he tries anything unsavory, you know where to find me, right?","Joey: I think I can handle him.","Pacey: After watching you lull a biker bar into submission tonight, I'm pretty sure you could handle Charlie. In fact, I bet if you wanted to, you could break his heart into a million pieces.","Joey: If I wanted to do such a thing.","Pacey: Of course. Poor guy.","Joey: Heh.","[Scene: Inside Audrey and Pacey's Motel room. Audrey hops up onto the bed when Pacey comes into the room carrying the paper bag.]","Audrey: Thank the sweet lord. What, did you have to manufacture your own shoddy condoms?","Pacey: Heh. I love the way your mind works. But I never said that I was going out to get condoms.","Audrey: Well, no. You said that you forgot something. And you said you never knew me to be unprepared, so","Pacey: Perhaps I just went out because I wanted to extend to you a romantic gesture.","[He pulls out a cupcake from the bag and a candle out of his pocket]","Audrey: [Laughs] Aw. I didn't get you anything. [he lights the candle] What is this for again?","Pacey: This is our first night together. No roommates, no back seats, no security guards. Just you and I.","Audrey: Right.","[Audrey blows out the candle]","Pacey: Did you make a wish?","Audrey: I did.","Pacey: And did it have something to do with 4 walls and an Ikea catalog?","Audrey: I always thought you were more of the restoration hardware type of guy.","Pacey: I always knew you were a classy girl.","Audrey: Mm. Well, it shows how much you know.","[Scene: Outside the high school. Jen and Jack are sitting on the steps when Dawson comes up to them.]","Dawson: How did I know I'd find the two of you guys here?","Jack: Yeah, it's some kind of hybrid of \"pathetic\" and \"predictable,\" I guess.","Dawson: Heh heh heh.","Jack: Ok, speaking of pathetic, I think that I'm going to go check out the, uh, football field. Run a few laps, rip out my shoulder. Catch you guys later.","Jen: Bye.","[Jack leaves]","Dawson: So what happened today?","Jen: I don't know.","Dawson: Tell me anything.","Jen: Ok. I got out of a cab 4 years ago, and-- and you were there, and you looked so open and innocent and happy, and I thought to myself you were the boy for me, and I kind of put-- I put everything, into that, and, you know, I don't doubt for a minute that you're the best guy I'll know, and I wish that, you know, you'd just marry me 'cause\u0097","Dawson: Well, then why are you doing this, Jen? I mean, there's a reason that this worked out in the first place. There's a reason that we got together. Isn't there?","Jen: Dawson, I don't think that this is just me.","Dawson: It was right at the time.","Jen: We needed each other.","Dawson: So what just happened? Did we\u0097","Jen: Yeah. Yeah, we did.","[They sit together in silence, and Dawson pulls Jen over to him and she rests her head on him.]","[Scene: Outside Joey and Charlie's motel room. Joey slowly pus the key in the door and opens it, and slowly enters the room. She takes her coat off, and then looks over to see that Charlie is already asleep in bed. She quietly goes over to the bed, and uncomfortably gets lies down on top of the covers. She looks over at him sleeping, and then smiles and rolls onto her side and goes to sleep.]"],"Show Title":"Dawson's Creek","Episode Number":"05x17","Episode Title":"Highway to Hell","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Dawson_s_Creek_05x18.json","Recap":["Oliver tells Dawson he has arranged a screening for their movie, which is yet to be finished. Dawson freaks out, but Joey comforts him saying the movie is brilliant. At the screening, Dawson meets a beautiful woman, and after exchanging insults she reveals herself to be Amy Lloyd, movie critic for Boston Weekly, whom Oliver secretly invited. She storms out, and it is up to Dawson to bring her back. They go out for coffee and have a heart-to-heart talk. Meanwhile, Joey is scared about her feelings towards Charlie and goes to Jen for advice. Jen, recently reunited with Jack, struggles to deal with the fact that Grams has a new boyfriend, Clifton Smalls, an African American member of the Baptist faith. Pacey asks Audrey how many men she's slept with, and she tests his reactions by saying 27, then 57, when it was really only five."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Joey is alone in Dawson's room, watching the movie that Dawson and Oliver made. She wipes a tear from her eye and hits stop when the credits begin.]","Joey: [Sniffles]","Dawson: Is it over?","Joey: Uh, yeah, 2 hours and 45 minutes later.","Dawson: I know. It's the director's cut. It's way too long. It's--it-- are you crying?","Joey: No.","Dawson: 'Cause it looks like you might have been\u0097","Joey: ok, there may have been a tear shed or something. I don't remember.","Dawson: You were crying. That's a good thing, right?","Joey: Not unless I was bored to tears.","Dawson: See, that's just mean.","Joey: I know. I'm sorry. Nothing brings out the inner bully in me quite like the sight of a nervous filmmaker.","Dawson: [Laughs] Well?","Joey: It's good. It's really good.","Dawson: You think?","Joey: Yeah, I mean, I can see something actually happening with this.","Dawson: Really?","Joey: Yeah. That's why I was crying. It's a pretty amazing thing to be there for the moment your best friend becomes exactly what he's dreamt about his entire life. And you know what was really surprising?","Dawson: What?","Joey: Charlie.","Dawson: What about him?","Joey: He was... shockingly good.","Dawson: I know. It kills me! In real life, the guy barely passes for human, but on-screen he's got something. I don't know what it is, but it works.","Joey: He's not that bad of a guy, Dawson. I know he was a jerk to Jen, but I think that was more out of fear than anything else. Underneath the hair and the attitude, I think he\u0097","[Oliver comes up the stairs into Dawson's Room.]","Oliver: holy smokes, leery. You work fast, don't ya? Break up with betty, and you already got veronica in your bed. Hey! How'd you like the movie? Did she like the movie?","Joey: If you would let me respond, I could tell you. I thought it was excellent.","Oliver: Yeah. Yeah, I know. But was there ever any doubt? But this is good news, huh? Because it's high time we screen this puppy.","Dawson: Yeah, we still got a lotta work to do.","Oliver: Well, then you better get to work, chief. Tomorrow's approaching awfully fast!","Dawson: Excuse me?","Oliver: Ooh... I forgot to tell you, didn't I?","Dawson: Silly me. Silly what?","Oliver: We're screening the movie tomorrow at school for cast, crew, and assorted highbrow intellectuals.","Dawson: No, we're not.","Oliver: See...I knew you'd have that reaction. That's why I went around you. The train has left the station.","Dawson: Excuse me.","[Dawson follows Oliver downstairs and Joey hits rewind and pauses the picture on Charlie]","[Opening credits]","[Scene: At the Film lab. Dawson and Oliver are talking about the movie, while looking at it in one of the editing programs on the computers.]","Oliver: Seriously, not only is this the best movie I've ever been associated with, but this just might be the best movie ever.","Dawson: Are you joking? It's-- it's way too long, it's like the English Patient without the laughs.","Oliver: Dawson, you're being way too hard on yourself here. I mean, I'm the writer. I'm the one who's supposed to loathe my own work, but I don't. Actually, I think it kicks some serious donkey ass.","Dawson: I'm not saying it-- never mind. I'm not saying it's terrible. I'm saying it needs a hell of a lot of work. Entire scenes need to be reshot.","Oliver: Which ones?","Dawson: The s*x scene, for one.","Oliver: Why?","Dawson: From a certain angle, you can actually see Charlie in all of his...glory.","Oliver: You don't say. Is it substantial?","Dawson: It's enough to warrant its own credit in the main titles.","Oliver: When the film's inevitably acquired by a major studio, we'll have the cash to CGI it out of there. Next?","Dawson: I feel like I'm working with Gilbert Godfrey. This is...I...","Oliver: you know what the real problem is, right?","Dawson: [Laughs] Please, enlighten me.","Oliver: You're still reeling from your breakup with Jen.","Dawson: I don't think that's it, Oliver.","Oliver: Come on, captain. You dated her for months. She helped you grieve. She robbed you of your precious flower, right? I mean, I don't care how cool you wanna play that off, but that means something, bucko, seriously. Do you wanna talk about it?","Dawson: No.","Oliver: Great. Can I ask you another question?","Dawson: Sure.","Oliver: Well... would it be a problem if I were to, say, ask her out?","[Scene: Brecher's House. Pacey is house sitting for Brecher, and having mad s*x with Audrey. We hear the clunk of Pacey falling out of bed, and we see Audrey looking over the edge of the bed at him.]","Pacey: [panting] Where...on earth... did you learn how to do that?","Audrey: National geographic.","[Both laugh]","Audrey: But most guys lose consciousness somewhere in the middle.","Pacey: How many guys have you done that with?","Audrey: Enough to know you've got staying power.","Pacey: [Grunts as he climbs back into the bed]","Audrey: [Chuckles] I'm really glad that Brecher decided to take his wife to the Caribbean, and I am really glad that they asked you to stay here while they're gone.","Pacey: I'm as glad as you are. I am more glad. I am gladder. Gladdest. And I can't feel anything below my waist. Is that supposed to happen?","Audrey: Give me another hour, you'll be in a coma.","Pacey: How many is enough?","Audrey: What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?","Pacey: Oh, you know, it's nothing, just--ahem-- how many...guys... is enough to...","Audrey: have I given access to my most intimate of areas?","Pacey: Well, yeah. Respectfully, of course.","Audrey: You're really asking me this question?","Pacey: No, because it's none of my business. Forget I asked.","Audrey: Mm... how many girls have you\u0097","Pacey: 6. 7 including you.","Audrey: Didn't take you long to think of that one.","Pacey: Nope. Ha ha.","Audrey: That's not...a lot.","Pacey: That's not a lot compared to what?","Audrey: Compared to other people.","Pacey: Other people like you?","Audrey: You totally are asking me that question!","Pacey: I told you mine.","Audrey: You don't wanna know how many men I've slept with, Pacey. Trust me. You think you do right now, but once I've told you, you'd wish I hadn't.","Pacey: It's that many?","Audrey: [Laughs] Let's put it this way. Have you ever heard of Emmanuelle, lady Chatterley, Madonna?","Pacey: Oh, yeah.","Audrey: Prudes.","[Scene: Grams' House. Jen is in the kitchen leaning against the counter reading something when Dawson comes downstairs and stops for a second when he sees her.]","Dawson: Hey.","Jen: Oh, hi. What's going on?","Dawson: Nothing. That's not true, actually. Uh... what's going on? I'm, uh... I'm nervous about the screening today. The movie's not-- it's not finished. But from the outside perspective, it looks like it's finished. But it's-- really, it-- it's not...finished. Why are you smiling?","Jen: It's ok if this is weird.","Dawson: Which thing?","Jen: You and me.","Dawson: Ah. [Laughs]","Jen: I think it's ok if we don't know how to do this next part. I think it'd be odd if we did, right?","Dawson: Right. Right, it's just-- no.","Jen: What?","Dawson: No, it just-- this is such a familiar scene, you know? You and me in here just kind of checking in with each other before we go out into the world... it was such a comfort.","Jen: For me, too. I don't think that has to stop. I hope not.","Dawson: Right, but... last week you were up against the counter and I was covering your face with kisses, and now... we can't do that. I mean, it's-- that's done.","[She goes over and gives him a kiss on the cheek.]","Jen: Who's to say what we can and can't do?","[Scene: Joey and Audrey's Dorm room. Audrey comes in while Joey is doing her make-up at her desk. Audrey goes over and talks to her.]","Audrey: You saw the movie?","Joey: Mm-hmm. I said that, didn't I? Didn't I just say that?","Audrey: I want you to be honest with me, Joey. Friends are honest, and that's what you've got to be: Honest and unmerciful. How brilliant was I?","Joey: You were horrible.","Audrey: Give it to me straight. I can handle it.","Joey: No. You're washed up. You're no good.","Audrey: Stop sugarcoating! What is the bottom line?","Joey: Audrey, you were fantastic! You're charming and funny and beautiful and sexy, and you have amazing chemistry with Charlie, who, surprisingly, is really good.","Audrey: Charlie? Why are we talking about Charlie here? This is about me: My performance, my appearance, my future career. I'm a neurotic actress, for crying out loud. Have some sensitivity.","Joey: Audrey, you're gonna see the movie in less than 3 hours. Stop interrogating me.","Audrey: You look hot. Why do you look hot?","Joey: Well, I don't know. I just\u0097","Audrey: wait. Do I look hot? In the movie, I mean. Do I look hot or do I look scorching? What scene do I look best in? Is it the end? I bet it's the end, isn't it?","Joey: Audrey.","Audrey: Sorry. Sorry. [Sighs] Can I ask you one more question? It's not about the movie.","Joey: Well, if it's about you, I got nothin' left.","Audrey: No. It's about Pacey. This morning, we were talking, and he asked me how many guys I'd slept with.","Joey: He did?","Audrey: Yeah. Well... sort of. I don't know. It came up.","Joey: Did you tell him?","Audrey: No! No! Not yet! I'm debating it. What do you think I should do?","Joey: I don't know.","Audrey: Well, what would you do?","Joey: Well, I have to say that honesty has always worked for me.","Audrey: I should tell him.","Joey: Hmm, but then again, the male ego is a very fragile and delicate thing, and if he's asking you the question, it's probably because he's harboring some deep insecurities, in which case, the answer would do more harm than good.","Audrey: I shouldn't tell him.","Joey: It depends.","Audrey: On what?","Joey: On how many guys you've slept with.","[Scene: Inside Pacey's Car. Pacey and Audrey are driving around looking for a place to park.]","Audrey: Usually, I don't like to watch the work that I've done. I feel like it interferes with my process, but I'm willing to make an exception for Dawson. You know, he's my friend.","Pacey: Well, that's generous of you.","Audrey: Ok. I still didn't understand why Joey got dropped off front, but I have to search for a parking space with you.","Pacey: It's all part of the deal.","Audrey: [Laughs] And what deal would that be?","Pacey: You know, our arrangement we got goin'.","Audrey: And what arrangement would that be?","Pacey: Well, I mean, I understand where there's no clear definitions to the arrangement that we have, but I was thinking, actually, that we-- you know, we might want to get into that point where we start defining how it is that-- god, man, my palms are sweaty. Why is that?","Audrey: 27.","Pacey: Whoo! What?","Audrey: 27 men.","Pacey: What?!","Audrey: Stop, please!","[She point forward just as they crash slowly into another car. ]","[Scene: Grams' House. Jen comes down the stairs going for the door as she yells up to Jack.]","Jen: Jack, hurry up! I don't want to be late.","[She opens the door to a tall older African American man]","Jen: Hi.","Clifton: Hello.","Jen: Can I help you?","Clifton: Jennifer. Jen.","Jen: Yeah.","Clifton: I'm Clifton.","Jen: Clifton?","Clifton: Your grandmother told me you were very beautiful, but I guess words can't quite convey a thing like that.","[Jack comes down the stairs putting his coat on, and stops when he sees Clifton.]","Jen: This is Clifton.","Clifton: Dawson.","Jack: No. It's jack, actually. Jack.","Clifton: The homosexual! Nice to meet you.","Jack: You, too.","Clifton: I'm a friend of Evelyn's. She invited me to join you all this evening for the screening of Dawson Leery's film.","Jen: Nice.","[Grams come to join them]","Grams: Ah, Mr. Smalls. I see introductions have already been made.","Clifton: [Chuckles]","[Grams goes up and gives Clifton a kiss, and Jen is astonished.]","Grams: Get a hold of yourself, Jennifer.","Jen: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What was that that you were doing with the kissing? Why did you--young lady, do you have a boyfriend? Cliff, are you my grams' boyfriend?","Grams: Jennifer, I don't think\u0097","Clifton: Yes, I am. I think. Aren't I?","Grams: Yes. Yes, you are.","Jen: Oh, my goodness! Why-- did this just slip your mind? Is this something that you just forgot to mention to me?","Jack: Should Clifton and I leave you two alone for a minute? 'Cause we can do that.","Jen: Cliff, what do you do?","Grams: You've got to be kidding!","Clifton: I teach geometry at St. Jude's Episcopal on the east side.","Jen: Are you married?","Clifton: Not currently. I was. She passed away. I'm a widower.","Grams: All right. Do you approve? May we leave now?","Jack: Yeah.","[Jack grabs Jen's coat as Grams and Clifton go outside, and he turns her towards the door and begins pushing her along]","Jen: Yeah.","[Scene: Dawson is in the back room of the theater, getting the tapes together when a woman comes into the room yelling on a cell phone not even seeing Dawson in the room.]","Amy: Great! Terrific! You know what? As long as we're saying all the things that we never said, let me just say this: I think you are a self-serious, pseudo-intellectual ass! No. I always have. I mean, PhD. In cultural anthropology? What is that? What does that even mean? No. Don't you dare! Those CDs are mine! Hello?! Hel--god--oh! [Sighs]","Dawson: You ok?","Amy: Hello? Excuse me? Nosy?","Dawson: I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. It's just you talk rather loudly.","Amy: Why are we talking? Why are we even having this conversation?","Dawson: Beats me.","Amy: Look, I'm sorry. You just caught me smack-dab in the middle of a very ugly breakup.","Dawson: I'm sorry. Who dumped who?","Amy: He's dumping me, which really infuriates me, because I can't say I even like the guy. He's an idiot. He just happens to be a very attractive idiot, which infuriates me even more, because I always thought I was above that, which I'm obviously not. Does Litvack still teach here?","Dawson: Yes, he does. He's teaching a class this semester called \"boobs, booze, and bullets: Style and substance in the age of the blockbuster.\"","Amy: Oh, god. You're in the middle of that phase, aren't you?","Dawson: She said condescendingly.","Amy: Oh, come on. You know that phase where you've just been exposed to the very best the avant-garde has to offer, so, of course, Hollywood sucks the big one, and wouldn't it be great if we could all just run around with our little digital cameras, filming each other going to the bathroom in the name of truth and honesty?","Dawson: You're a handful.","Amy: That's what they tell me.","Dawson: And you're quite presumptuous, too, considering you don't know anything about me.","Amy: Oh, sure I do. I know everything about you. Favorite movie of the last couple years off the top of your head. Don't even think about it.","Dawson: Run Lola run.","Amy: Liar! That's the movie you whip out to show people how cool you are! I'm not interested in cool. I'm interested in the movie that made you cry and you have no idea why. I'm interested in the movie that you're embarrassed to tell your friends you went to go see on opening night. Want to know what mine is?","Dawson: Please.","Amy: Hardball. Keanu Reeves coaches this inner-city little league team and, in the process, changes their lives for the better. I lost it. I mean, I cried like a baby. I saw it in the theater 5 times.","Dawson: That explains that, then.","Amy: What?","Dawson: Why your boyfriend dumped you. You're a sentimental drama queen with really crappy taste in movies.","Amy: Wow! What is your name, little man?","Dawson: Dawson. Dawson leery.","Amy: Oh! [Laughs]","Dawson: What?","Amy: Nice to meet you, Dawson. My name is Amy Lloyd. I'm the film critic for the Boston weekly. I'm here to review your movie.","[Scene: Inside the theater. Joey comes in looking around for someone, when she sees Charlie, and tries to walk past him like she didn't even notice him.]","Charlie: Hey, potter.","Joey: Charlie. You must have moved through the paparazzi line rather quickly. Speaking of which, where's the fianc\u00e9e? Where's Gwyneth Paltrow? Out sick tonight?","Charlie: [Laughs] Well, I broke up with her, you know. I met someone else.","Joey: Must be quite a girl to usurp Gwyneth.","Charlie: Amazing, actually. Maybe even a little bit out of my league. You know, if you insist on teasing me, I think that means you're obligated to sit next to me.","Joey: I don't know. What about this mystery girl you're waiting for?","Charlie: Well, hey, if she shows up, I'll just make you move.","[Charlie stands up, and lets Joey get past him to the seat next to him]","Joey: Thanks. You know, I saw the movie.","Charlie: Yeah? Was I any good?","Joey: Pretty good.","Charlie: What's goin' on with you tonight?","Joey: Nothing. What do you mean?","Charlie: You know what I mean.","Joey: Don't know what you mean.","Charlie: Well, you seem kind of, I don't know, different.","Joey: Different in a good way?","Charlie: Yeah. Pretty good.","Joey: So do you.","Charlie: Yeah? Well, you know, I guess it's impossible to play the role of a sexy indie rocker 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You know, sometimes the actual Charlie Todd rears his little, deformed head. And I know it's not as\u0097","Joey: It's nice. It's nice when you're not trying so hard. Kind of like hanging out with a real person rather than a hipness quotation.","Charlie: You know, contrary to popular opinion, I may not actually be the devil.","Joey: [Laughs] Don't get ahead of yourself, slim. The jury's still out on that one.","Charlie: Ha ha ha ha!","[Scene: Outside Pacey's Car. Pacey is exchanging information with the guy in the car he just hit.]","Pacey: I'm sorry I crashed into you.","[Pacey goes back and gets into his car.]","Audrey: [Sighs] Maybe I should have waited till you parked?","Pacey: Well, not if you were going for effect.","Audrey: You ok?","Pacey: Yeah, I'm fine. My car's a little bruised, but I'm fine.","Audrey: No. I'm talking about the s*x thing.","Pacey: Right. That. I remember that.","Audrey: Are we, like, all right?","Pacey: It's nothin'. We're fine.","[Starts engine]","[Scene: In the Theater. Dawson walks up to Oliver who is standing at the back of the room, looking very nervous.]","Oliver: All right, captain. It's \"go\" time. You ready?","Dawson: Why didn't you tell me you invited a critic?","Oliver: I don't know. Maybe because it was supposed to be a surprise. Heh!","Dawson: Have you lost your mind? Oliver, I'm the director. You have to clear stuff like that with me.","Oliver: Ok, why is this a bad thing? In what universe is it even remotely a negative to have a qualified, trained professional evaluate your masterpiece?","Dawson: I'm not even going to attempt to respond to that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Amy: Ok. What's goin' on here? You geeks planning on showing this thing, or are you just gonna act it out for us?","Oliver: Dawson, this is Amy Lloyd of the Boston Weekly.","Dawson: Yeah, we met.","Amy: We've exchanged unpleasantries.","Oliver: Look, miss Lloyd, uh, Amy. If you could just take your seat, we're still waiting for a couple VIPs to arrive, and then we'll get started.","Amy: Listen, fellas, it's been a slice and all, but I don't have time for amateur hour, so give me a ring when you get your act together, ok?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oliver: Dawson leery, what did you do?","Dawson: Told her she had crappy taste in movies. Oh! And I may have called her a drama queen. I...don't remember.","Oliver: Why, oh, why did you do something like that? Is it because you hate me?","Dawson: We were just having a conversation.","Oliver: Nincompoop! Don't you know who Douglas Cavell is?","Dawson: Who?","Oliver: Exactly! And I'll tell you why you don't know. Because many moons ago, our miss Lloyd wrote somewhat unfavorably about his thesis film because he said something nasty about point break. These days, old Dougy is sitting behind the counter of the video store of his hometown of nowhere, USA.","Dawson: All right, calm down.","Oliver: You calm down. I'm gonna freak out. This is our future. This is our whole lives. Ha ha ha! [Clears throat] Ok, this is what you have to do. You have to go after her. You have to get her back, apologize, kiss her ass, do whatever it is you have to do, just get her back.","Dawson: All right. All right, fine. What are you gonna do?","Oliver: I'm gonna go hit on your ex-girlfriend.","[Scene: Outside the theater. Amy is walking away when Dawson comes outside and sees her and runs after her.]","Dawson: Hey.","Amy: Hey.","Dawson: Hey, I'm sorry, but I had no idea who you were.","Amy: Oh, and if you had, you would have kissed my ass?","Dawson: No, I--yeah, probably.","Amy: Listen, you're a very nice kid, and I'm sorry that I was rude before, but like you said, I'm a handful, and I'm a sentimental drama queen, so I'm gonna go, and you, good luck with your flick.","Dawson: Would it matter one iota if I told you I was a huge fan?","Amy: Not so much, no, 'cause as a rule, film critics don't have fans.","Dawson: That's not true. Roger Ebert has fans. Harry Knowles has fans.","Amy: Right. So go stalk them and leave me alone.","Dawson: I'd rather stalk you if it's all the same. You're a little cuter than they are. Ah, I have a smile. Ok, can I build on that? Uh...in your review of almost famous, you said it was the kind of film that reminds us why we still go to the movies.","Amy: That was last fall. You remember that?","Dawson: I do. It gave me chills.","Amy: Me, too, when I wrote it. I've always liked that review.","Dawson: It was a great review.","Amy: You really like my stuff?","Dawson: Every Thursday, I have this ritual. When the weekly comes out, I grab it. I head over to the coffee shop, and I sit there and I read your reviews. I'll be honest. I don't always agree with you. I mean, sometimes you really make me mad, but I always want to hear what you think, which is why the thought of you sitting and actually looking at something that I've directed scares the living daylights out of me.","Amy: Why don't we do this? Why don't we head over to that coffee shop and see what's what? Who knows? You may get lucky. I'm in a strange mood.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The Theater. Audrey comes in and begins looking around, when she finally sees Joey. She goes quickly over to get Joey.]","Audrey: Joey, I need a pow-wow.","Joey: Now?","Audrey: Hello? Does the expression \"bros before hos\" mean anything to you?","Joey: Yes, princess.","[Joey gets up and follows Audrey to the back of the theater.]","Audrey: Ok. So, if you happen to be talking to Pacey, and it happens to come up, I slept with 27 people.","Joey: Rock and roll!","Audrey: Bite me, will you?","Joey: You've had s*x with 27 different people?","Audrey: No, not exactly.","Joey: You haven't?","Audrey: I may have adjusted the number slightly. A little creative math.","Joey: So, you slept with more than 27 different people?","Audrey: Ok, see, that's not the point. The point is that I was thinking about what you said this morning, and then I thought about what Mercedes Lowenstein used to say about these things\u0097","Joey: and what did she used to say?","Audrey: Well, she said that when it comes to men and s*x, a slight variation on the truth is always preferable to the actual truth.","Joey: Audrey, that's terrible advice. Mercedes Lowenstein is an idiot.","Audrey: No. Mercedes Lowenstein is a whore.","Joey: You can't do these kinds of things halfway. You have to tell him the whole truth and nothing but the truth.","Audrey: So help me god?","Joey: I'm serious, ok? Think about it. If you don't, if you let him believe this lie, can anything that happens between the two of you from this point on be as great as it should be? And not for him, for you. Audrey, you deserve something great here. You have to believe that. Now, go do the hard thing.","Audrey: Ok.","Joey: Good luck.","[Joey goes back and sits next to Charlie]","Charlie: Everything cool?","Joey: [Sighs] Relatively speaking.","Charlie: So, when's this thing gonna start, anyway?","Joey: Why? You nervous?","Charlie: Maybe...a little. See, this girl, this mystery girl, who's out of my league, she showed up, and she's in here right now, and I really, really want her to be impressed. And I'm just hoping that this audience-- this audience can just totally take me in, and then, maybe, she'll see me the way that I want her to see me.","Joey: Well, point her out. I'll tell if you have a prayer or not.","Charlie: [Laughs] Well...she's, um... she's sitting right next to me.","Joey: You know, you're not nearly as cool as you think you are, Charlie Todd.","Charlie: You know, all evidence to the contrary, I'm exactly as cool as I think I am.","Joey: There you go. Case in point. See, guys like you walk around every day with the absolute conviction that you're the smoothest thing since butter. It's true. I find it amusing, actually. You want to know why?","Charlie: Why?","Joey: 'Cause in reality, everything that you're feeling and thinking at any given moment is written all over your face.","Charlie: Oh, yeah?","Joey: Yeah.","Charlie: Ah! Ok. What's written all over my face right now?","Joey: Mm, you're thinking that I'm the most attractive and formidable woman you've ever been in the same room with. Though you're terrified of rejection, you like me and you want to take me out on a proper date.","Charlie: [Laughs] Nope.","Joey: No?","Charlie: Uh-uh. Actually, I was thinking... that I want to take you into the bathroom and do ungodly things to you.","Joey: What'd you say?","Charlie: Nothing. No. It was a joke. I--I was joking.","Joey: I'm gonna go check on Dawson.","[Joey looks angrily at him and leaves]","Charlie: I just blew it, didn't I? Oh! Uhh! I am the devil.","[Scene: The Theater Lobby. Jack and Pacey are getting some refreshment.]","Jack: [Laughs] Well, you ready?","Pacey: Hell, yeah.","Jack: You sleepy?","Pacey: Yeah. You see the size of the script of this monster? It's gonna take 12 of these things to keep me awake through the movie, which means I'm probably going to have to pee quite frequently, which is a great excuse to leave the theater when Charlie starts making out with Audrey.","Jack: Oh ho, you really have it bad for this girl, don't you?","Pacey: Yeah. Well, I don't know. Maybe. She's just not like any other girl I ever met before. And she does not care what anybody thinks, and I dig that, man. I really do. [Audrey comes up behind Pacey, and jack wants to tell him but can't]You know, she's smart, she's funny, she has no idea how beautiful she is, and she's always saying the thing you don't expect, you know? She's constantly surprising me, keeping me on my toes. Like, for instance, right now, I bet she's standing right behind me, isn't she?","Jack: Yeah.","Pacey: Great.","Audrey: I have to be honest. I want to be honest. It's not 27. It's 57.","[Pacey spits some of his drink out.]","[Scene: The projection room. Jen is up there talking to Oliver, who is wringing his hands nervously.]","Jen: Are you ok? You're just acting really strange.","Oliver: I'm nervous.","Jen: Why? About your screening?","Oliver: No, no, it's not that. It's that, uh... well...ahem! Ever since you broke up with Dawson, ever since you became... [Gulps] Available... I find that I'm kind of... well, nervous around you.","Jen: Oh. Gosh.","Oliver: [Laughs nervously]","Jen: I... I'm just gonna go ahead and say this-- that I don't think that there's a possibility of something happening between us right--ever. Um, I'm just-- I'm sorry. Oh, god. You're not saying anything. Ok. I'm gonna go. Ohh.","[Jen turns to leave]","Oliver: I--I know that I'm not particularly slick or, say, socially adept, and I know that I'm not the kind of guy that women look at and say, \"whoa. Check him out.\" But I'm gonna blow your mind in a million different ways that you've never even imagined.","Jen: Ok, Oliver\u0097","Oliver: You know it, too, and you know that when you look at me, it'll be different, which is why you're not turning around right now... 'cause you're nervous about what you might find.","Jen: [Exhales] Jeez, uh, with all due respect to your sudden, um, and plentiful, uh, enthusiasm and confidence, I am going to turn around in 3 seconds just to prove that you're wrong. 1, 2, 3. Jeez.","[She turns around to find that he isn't there.]","[Scene: Inside the theater lobby.. Jen comes down runs into Joey who is already there.]","Joey: Is this thing gonna happen tonight?","Jen: I don't know. I haven't really seen him.","Joey: Should we look for him?","Jen: I don't think so.","Joey: I'm gonna get some air.","Jen: I'm gonna go with you.","Joey: Ok.","[They go outside]","Joey: Jen.","Jen: Joey.","Joey: Lindley.","Jen: Potter.","Joey: Would it be awkward if I were to ask you a question having to do with boys?","Jen: Probably, but do you really care?","Joey: No, not really.","Jen: Ok. Neither do I.","Joey: Ok. Um... have you ever had the experience of meeting a guy who was really good-looking and, I don't know, kind of...","Jen: Charming?","Joey: Yes, charming. Very, very charming, and you almost get hypnotized by how charming and good-looking he is, but when you penetrate the surface, even just a little bit, you find that he's...","Jen: A moron?","Joey: I was gonna say \"loser.\"","Jen: Yeah. Pretty much every single guy that I've ever dated with the exception\u0097","Joey: Dawson.","Jen: Yeah. [Sighs] Can I say something?","Joey: Of course.","Jen: My grams is dating a 60-year-old African American man whose name is Clifton smalls.","Joey: What? I guess that's a good thing?","Jen: It is. Actually, it's a really great thing. Do you want to know why?","Joey: I guess so.","Jen: It's a great thing because it means that no matter how many good-looking boys consistently disappoint us or how many times we're convinced that this universe is going to begin and end with one of these moronic losers, that someday when all of this crap is over with, there might be our very own Clifton smalls waiting for us.","Joey: You have a good point.","Jen: Thanks. I thought so.","Joey: But that's a long time.","[Scene: The Coffee House. Dawson and Amy are sitting at one of the tables talking while drinking their coffee.]","Amy: Ok, so tell me, Dawson, why should I stay and see this movie of yours? Convince me.","Dawson: Honestly, I have no idea why you should come see this movie. I don't even know if it's good or not. I mean, it's... Oliver loves it, but, let's face it: He might be mildly insane. My best friend Joey really liked it, but she might just be impressed that it's in focus. We worked hard on it, really hard. That much I'm sure of. Um... but other than that, I...","Amy: what?","Dawson: I shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm just not quite sure that it's done. I mean, all the pieces are there. All the elements are there, but it's just something about it just kinda-- it just kinda feels incomplete.","Amy: Let me ask you this: What's it about?","Dawson: Um, it's a love story about a girl who may or may not be a coke fiend.","Amy: Not--not the story. What's it about? Like, what's it about to you?","Dawson: I don't really know how to answer that question. I've had this truly bizarre, life-altering year. I-- I dropped out of USC to be with this girl who I've loved in one way or another for pretty much my whole life, and then my father died, which completely rocked my universe, and then I jumped headfirst into this really intense relationship with this other girl, and we just broke up, and--and the movie has nothing to do with any of these things, but in a way, it has to do with all of them. I feel like I put everything that I am into making this film. I'm sorry. I'm rambling.","Amy: Don't be sorry. That's actually a movie I would really like to see.","Dawson: Really?","Amy: Yes. Anything imbued with that much passion and heartbreak sounds far more interesting than half the dreck that's currently taking up space in our nation's multiplexes. Plus, you're a fan, which satisfies my enormous ego. Shall we?","Dawson: Yeah. Let's go.","Amy: All right.","[As they get up she notices someone]","Amy: Oh, my god.","Dawson: What?","Amy: My boyfriend.","Dawson: Where?","Amy: Over there. Uh, do me a favor.","Dawson: Sure.","Amy: Kiss me.","Dawson: What?","Amy: Kiss me. Kiss me.","[She pulls him in for a passionate kiss]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The coffee house. We pick up where we left off with Dawson and Amy kissing. After a bit Amy stops kissing the confused Dawson.]","Amy: Did he see?","Dawson: I don't know. I don't know which one he is.","Amy: Oh. [Laughs] I'm really sorry, Dawson.","Dawson: Why?","Amy: Well, it's not even him. It just really looks like him. Same jacket, sort of.","Dawson: Oh.","Amy: Really sorry about that.","Dawson: Don't be. Let's... go.","[Scene: The Theater Lobby. Audrey is sitting on a bench, when Pacey comes up to sit down beside her.]","Pacey: So I've been thinkin'\u0097","Audrey: Pacey, before you say anything\u0097","Pacey: could you shut up for just a second, please? I'm trying to tell you what I'm thinkin' here, and it's interesting this time.","Audrey: Ok. I'm sorry.","Pacey: Ok. So... I know that you've slept with other men. I knew that you had slept with other men before I started this whole pathetic inquiry. I knew that you had slept with other men before you and I started sleeping together. So, fine. You have slept with other men. I can accept that. Of course, I know deep down in my heart that you didn't enjoy it, but that's beside the point.","Audrey: [Chuckles]","Pacey: The point is\u0097","Audrey: What's the point?","Pacey: The point is that I have my fears and my insecurities, but they're mine, not yours. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is this. Just this.","Audrey: Just this.","Pacey: Yes. I have totally and completely fallen for you. Mmm. You move me, Audrey. All over the place.","[They Kiss]","Audrey: 5.","Pacey: What?","Audrey: I've only slept with 5 people.","Pacey: Really?","Audrey: Yeah.","Pacey: I mean, it's ok, 'cause, you know, Joey has told me a couple of things, and I've actually seen you with several different\u0097","Audrey: All right, I may have... at times, been... somewhat of a make-out slut. I have kissed a lot of boys, and I figure that you have to. You know, that way, you sort know when you've found the right one.","Pacey: I like that logic. You were testing me. You wanted to know how I'd react.","Audrey: Yeah. Maybe. A little. I'm really, really sorry, Pacey. It's just I guess that I have my own fears, too, and, I don't know, I think I just... needed to hear it.","Pacey: Did I pass?","Audrey: Well, you aced, and you may even get a reward.","Pacey: Really? Well... so long as I retain the full range of motion from the neck up, you can do whatever you like.","[Scene: The sidewalk on the way to the theater. Dawson and Amy are returning to the theater talking.]","Amy: I mean, why do I even care? I don't even like this guy. I can barely have a conversation with him without wanting to claw his eyes out.","Dawson: You're very violent. Anybody ever told you that?","Amy: Ha ha ha! Shut up.","Dawson: Any relationship is not easy when you know it's not right. You know, there's a lot to be said for comfort and safety. You know, that thing of just having somebody around to come home to, to talk to, to touch. Even if it's not about that person, but having that stabilizing force in your life.","Amy: I guess so.","Dawson: I'll give you an example: This movie, for me, it kinda held my life together at a time when I needed it most. It forced me to be brave, and it made me strong.","Amy: I'm about to have an insight here.","Dawson: Ok.","Amy: It's not the movie you're afraid isn't complete. It's you, and you should be afraid of that because you're not complete, not yet. In fact, you may never be. But you keep looking, and you keep making movies, and you keep showing them to people, and that's what being a filmmaker is.","Dawson: Good insight.","Amy: I have my moments. What do you say we go watch ourselves a movie?","Dawson: Ok, but what if it sucks? What if I completely wasted my time?","Amy: If it sucks, I will tell you over coffee, and you might just get to make out with me again.","Dawson: By the way, mine is road house... with Patrick Swayze? I've seen it, like 37 times. Every time it's on TV, I have to watch it all the way through. I own the tape. I love it. I have no idea why.","Amy: Ha ha ha! That's a good one. Come on.","[Scene: Inside the theater. Oliver is still standing alone at the back of the theater filled with people who are very anxious to see the move and getting a little uptight having to wait. Dawson and Amy come into the theater and stop by Oliver, and Amy goes off to get a seat.]","Oliver: Oh, my gosh, you did it. You got her back. How did you get her back?","Dawson: I made out with her.","[Cut over to Joey who is sitting alone, and Charlie come up to get with a pitiful look on his face.]","Charlie: I need a favor.","Joey: Who's asking? Is it the slightly vulnerable, kind of embarrassing boy I sat down with, or is it the really obnoxious sleaze ball I walked away from?","Charlie: Ok, that's fair. I deserve that.","Joey: It's not an insult. It's a legitimate question. Which guy are you? I'd kinda like to know before I actually start to care.","Charlie: I can't answer that. I'm just tryin' to figure it out. All I know is that when I came here tonight, you were different with me than you've ever been before. I don't know why. I don't know what I did.","Joey: That wasn't you. I was... confused.","Charlie: Ok, whatever. It doesn't matter. I don't even want to know. Because whatever it was, I screwed it up. I tried to be funny, and I wasn't. I mean, I was completely-- I was opposite of funny, and I think the reason that I was so completely unfunny, is because... I do wanna ask you out. Very much. Very, very much. And, you know, you-- [Chuckles] You--you make me nervous.","Joey: I know I do.","Charlie: I want to be that first guy, Joey. You make me want to be that guy.","Joey: So what's your favor?","Charlie: Ok. [Sighs] Well, I was hoping that maybe you might let me sit next to you, and then, possibly, if I just sat there, then, maybe... whatever happened to make you like me, well, maybe it could happen again.","Joey: Don't get your hopes up.","Charlie: [Chuckles] Too late.","[Cut over to Jen and Jack, who are sitting next to Grams and Clifton. Jen watches as Oliver walks up the aisle past them with a cocky smile on his face as he looks at Jen.]","Jen: Oh, my god.","Jack: What?","Jen: Nothing. I didn't say anything.","Jack: Yeah, you did. You said, \"oh, my god.\"","Jen: Shut up. I didn't, ok? I'm just sitting here, quietly waiting for the movie to start.","Jack: Ok.","[Dawson walks down the Aisle and goes up onto the stage to present the movie.]","Dawson: Ahem! All right. I'm sorry about the delay, folks. My sincere apologies, but I think we're ready, and we're gonna show this thing, so...here's the deal: It's too long, the music is temp, the mix is unfinished, transfer is ugly, we still don't have a title, but, uh... what you're about to see is a labor of love, and not just for Oliver and myself, but for everybody in this room who gave of their time and their energy and their talent. And, uh... we might be the only people to ever see this thing up on the screen, but it doesn't matter because it is and it always will be a snapshot of who we are at this particular moment in time. So... brace yourselves. Roll it.","[The movie screen lights up, and fade to black.]"],"Show Title":"Dawson's Creek","Episode Number":"05x18","Episode Title":"Cigarette Burns","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Dawson_s_Creek_05x23.json","Recap":["As summer approaches, everyone gets ready for various travels. Dawson prepares to head out for LA with Audrey, while Jack and Jen get ready for their Costa Rican adventure. Left behind in Capeside for the summer, Joey and Pacey lament their fates - until they make a crucial last-minute decision that changes everything."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Dawson is coming into an airport, and heads over to the Departure displays, when his cell phone rings]","[Phone Rings]","Dawson: Hello. Oliver. [Looks over the board and finds his flight] hmm. No. my flight is delayed. What are you up to? You're writing already? Oliver, the deal isn't officially closed yet. Andrew is still talking to the business affairs people. They aren't even sure if they are going to let me direct it yet. I know. I'm excited too.","[He turns to see Joey looking at the same board not that far from him. She turns and sees him and smiles]","Dawson: Oliver, I'm gonna call you back. Aw, man, this is weird. How long's it been?","Joey: Oh, I don't know. 3, 4 years?","Dawson: 5 years. 5 years since I went to L.A.","[A waitress comes over with their drinks]","Joey: Thank you.","Dawson: Wow. Thanks. I tried calling you last year, actually. But the number...uh, some guy answered. And then I got really busy with the movie, and before I knew it, a year had passed. I thought I might see you at the premiere.","Joey: I couldn't get out. I was working on my thesis. I saw it, though, twice. And it was good, Dawson.","Dawson: Thanks.","Joey: So, what brings you to town?","Dawson: My mom got remarried.","Joey: Really? That's great.","Dawson: Yeah. I just came to town for the wedding.","Joey: And how's lily doing?","Dawson: Starts first grade in the fall.","Joey: Wow! Time flies.","Dawson: Sure does. Joey, can I tell you something?","Joey: Sure.","Dawson: I think about you a lot, which is weird because we don't talk ever. I'm wondering if running into you is some kind of sign. I have to go back to L.A., But I might be able to reschedule a couple things and maybe stay here a few more days.","[Cell phone rings]","Joey: Oh.","[She answers her phone]","Joey: Hello. Hey! How was your flight? Oh. Well, I'm having a drink. With an old friend. Give me 5 minutes? Bye. Ahem.","Dawson: Who was that?","Joey: My boyfriend.","Dawson: Oh.","Joey: My fianc\u00e9, actually. He just got in from New York.","Dawson: Wow, th--th-- I didn't know. It's-- it's great. It's, uh-- I mean, seriously, that's really great. Congratulations.","Joey: Thank you.","Dawson: So, who is this guy? What's--what's he do?","Joey: He's an attorney.","Dawson: Never pictured you ending up with a lawyer.","Joey: He's an environmental rights attorney.","Dawson: Of course he is.","Joey: So how 'bout you? Are you seeing anybody?","Dawson: I was. Um... an actress for a while, and it didn't work out.","[Awkward silence]","Joey: Well, I should probably get going.","Dawson: Ok.","Joey: Um...it was really nice seeing you, Dawson.","Dawson: Hey, you, too.","[They hug]","Joey: Give me a call the next time you're in town.","Dawson: You bet.","Joey: Bye.","[Joey turns to leave, but stops and turns back]","Joey: Dawson.","Dawson: Yeah.","Joey: I'm gonna say something. You and me, we had our shot. And you blew it. So I moved on. And you might wanna get on with your life, too, because...I mean, this is getting sad and ridiculous. I just thought that you should know that. Take care.","[Suddenly Dawson wakes up from the dream he is having]","[Groans]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club docs. Joey and Audrey are walking along talking to each other.]","Audrey: Are you absolutely, positively sure I can't whisk you off to L.A. And save you from a summer of unnatural fibers?","Joey: And what would a simple country gal like myself even do in L.A.?","Audrey: Well, there's always Fred Segal.","Joey: Who's that?","Audrey: Not who, Joey, what. And the answer is heaven on earth.","Joey: Look, Audrey, I appreciate the offer, but I'm committed to Capeside for the summer. Committed being the operative word.","Audrey: All right, I will accept that, miss potter. But know that when we meet again and we will, I hope you're not the same dull, bookish prude that I met at the beginning of the year. Because it took me months to crack you, and I just don't know if I have the energy to do it again.","Joey: Well, I will try not to undo all of your hard work.","Audrey: Thank you.","[Pacey comes over to them, wearing a security uniform.]","Pacey: Hey, ladies.","Joey: What are you doing here? Why do you look like one of the village people?","Pacey: It's a long story. Audrey.","Audrey: Dickhead. I'll be in the car.","[Audrey leaves Joey and Pacey alone]","Pacey: Ever the actress, that one.","Joey: Pacey, why don't you just go talk to her? She's leaving tomorrow.","Pacey: Believe me, Jo, I have tried so many times, I'm this close to breaking some sort of anti-stalking law.","Joey: Sounds like it's high time for one of those grand romantic gestures of yours.","Pacey: Well, I hate to break it to you, but I think I'm fresh out. It's what happens to a guy when he loses his job, his girlfriend, and his self-esteem in a matter of weeks.","Joey: Still doesn't explain the rent-a-cop garb.","Pacey: Didn't you know? I'm Capeside yacht club's newest security guar here to protect you, madam. No need to salute. So, looks like we're both stuck here for the summer. See you tomorrow.","[Scene: Dawson's Dining room. Lilly is sitting in her high chair and Dawson is trying to coax her into saying anything.]","Dawson: Can you say Dawson? I know, I know. Can you say Dawson? Come here. Daw...son. Dawson. Come on, noun, verb, sentence. It's a piece of cake. What's the matter?","[Gale comes into the dining room]","Gale: Well, maybe she just doesn't have anything to say.","Dawson: A leery without something to say? I don't buy it for a second. I don't want to miss her first word.","Gale: I know, honey. You can't be around for everything, you know.","Dawson: I know, I just feel...","Gale: Guilty? Don't you dare. You have been a miracle this year, Dawson. My miracle. I'm not gonna let you forget that.","Dawson: Yeah, I'm pretty cool, aren't I?","Gale: The coolest. So have you, um, said good-bye to Joey yet?","Dawson: We're having dinner tonight.","Gale: And?","Dawson: And that's...all the information you're gonna get out of me.","Gale: Aw, come on, honey. Is it a date?","Dawson: Hardly. Audrey's coming. Which, you know, not that it matters. There's nothing le to say, anyway.","Gale: A leery with nothing to say? Don't buy it for a second.","[Scene: The School Radio Station. Jen is on the air, when Jack comes running up to the booth with a huge smile on his face.]","Jen: Yeah.","Jack: What is up, slut?","Jen: Hmm, not much, big homo.","Jack: I've got some news. I've got some really, really big news.","Jen: All right, spill it.","Jack: 4 \u0093C\u0094s and a \"D.\"","Jen: Whoo! Congratulations to you! Oh, I'm so proud.","Jack: Thanks. I know. I'm so happy to be, you know, totally and completely mediocre. Costa Rica, here we come.","Jen: Yeah.","Jack: Now, you're sure you really want to do this?","Jen: Well, are you sure you really wanna do this?","Jack: Oh, yeah. There's nothing going on in my life that's gonna keep me off that plane. I just wanna make sure you're not gonna hold it against me in 10 years.","Jen: You're asking if I'm sure I wanna pass up the opportunity to spend the summer with a couple of chilly, dysfunctional W.A.S.P.S in favor of a grand adventure with my very best friend in the whole wide world?","Jack: Yeah. Yeah, that.","Jen: Get outta here. You make me sick.","Jack: All right, I'll see ya. Oh. Got this for you.","Jen: Moby Dick?","Jack: Yeah. Yeah. It's a long flight. I figured you'd need something to read.","Jen: But I like to chat.","Jack: I know, and I like to sleep, hence the oversized volume you now hold in your hands. I'll see ya.","[Jack leaves, and Jen goes back on the air for her final announcement of the year]","Jen: Uh, all right, friends and neighbors, this is Jen Lindley, and I'm signing off for the summer. Uh, but it's been a blast. I've really enjoyed sharing the music that I like and having this opportunity to vent, so, I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you all for listening, and I'll catch you on the flip side.","[Scene: Outside the Leery Fish House. Joey, Audrey and Dawson are leaving the restaurant just after dinner.]","Audrey: That was not half-bad, Dawson. I was expecting a way more disgusting culinary experience.","Dawson: Well, thank you. I'll have to pass it on to my mom.","Audrey: Ok, well... I'm gonna go.","Joey: Where?","Audrey: To that little charming indie record store over there. I'm gonna stock up on CDs for the flight. And if they fail to take my mind off the flying, you might have to punch me in the face tomorrow, Dawson.","Dawson: I am but your humble servant, Audrey.","Audrey: Cool. And besides, if I know you two, there are things to be said, bitter sweetness to be had, things requiring alone time and nature and whatnot.","[Audrey leaves them alone]","Dawson: Jo, do me a favor.","Joey: What's that?","Dawson: Promise me you'll never marry a lawyer.","Joey: What?","Dawson: Just promise.","Joey: Well, what if he happens to be a lawyer who uses his powers for good? He's a tireless crusader for children or the environment perhaps. What?","Dawson: Uh, nothing. Let's-- never mind. Let's just change the subject entirely. Um...","Joey: Do you know what's funny?","Dawson: What?","Joey: Last year at this time, saying good-bye was so epic and dramatic, and it felt like we were never gonna see each other again.","Dawson: Little did you know I'd be showing up at your door 3 months later.","Joey: You ever regret it?","Dawson: Not for a single second. Do you?","Joey: Not at all. Opening my door that morning, seeing you there, something I'll never forget. Dawson.","Dawson: Yeah.","Joey: Why'd you come all the way to Florida?","Dawson: I don't think you wanna hear it, Jo.","Joey: Dawson, for as long as I live, I'll never not want to hear something that you want to say.","Dawson: I went down to Florida to tell you that I love you. [Silence] See? That's not what you wanted to hear, is it?","Joey: Why didn't you say something?","Dawson: By the time I got down there, it was pretty obvious that you'd moved on. I wasn't about to ask you to drop everything just because I'd finally seen the light. I mean that it wouldn't have been fair.","Joey: Well, w-when did things... that they changed for you?","Dawson: There was a moment. It was lily's birthday party. And I opened your gift, that book of sketches. And I just sat there looking at this incredible reflection of who you are, and I just realized I hate it when you're not around.","Joey: Dawson, how do you know that I'm not just this security blanket for you? You know, something that you'll keep coming back to whenever the world gets scary?","Dawson: It's not the world I'm scared of, Jo.","[Dawson goes to kiss her, and just before his lips are about to reach hers, she turns her head.]","Joey: I'm sorry, Dawson. I can't do this.","[She walks away from him]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The Potter B&B. Dawson pulls up in a cab, and gets out, and walks over to the mailbox, and places a letter into in and closes, the door, and then we cut into the B&B and see Audrey and Joey walking carrying a tom of bags]","Audrey: Tell her not to... when I am 3,000 miles away trying on shoes at Fred Segal, you will miss me, and you'll wish that you had filled me in on the details.","Joey: Audrey, there are no details.","Audrey: Ok, who are you gonna unburden your soul to if not to me? Nobody, that's who, and that is not good for your complexion, Joey. Not good for your complexion, it's not good for your soul if you even have one.","Joey: Audrey.","Audrey: Joey.","Joey: Audrey. I'm going to say something to you right now that I've never said to you before, something that comes completely from a place of love, understanding, and respect for all the joy that you brought to my life this past year.","Audrey: Oh, bunny.","Joey: I don't want to talk about it.","Audrey: You are so Cher from moonstruck right now.","[They make their way out to the cab where Dawson is waiting]","Dawson: Here let me help you with that.","Joey: That's ok. Give Audrey a hand.","Audrey: Help, please? [Silently to Dawson] Oh. You want me to leave you two alone again?","Dawson: I don't think that'll be necessary.","Audrey: Ok. Ok, this is it. Hug me quick. Tell your sister I said thank you.","Joey: I will.","Audrey: Don't say anything at this moment.","Joey: Who's talking?","Audrey: 'Cause anything that you say will just ruin it.","Joey: Ruin what?","Audrey: The best year of my life.","Joey: Ok.","Audrey: Ok.","[Audrey gets in the cab and Joey goes over to the other side where Dawson is standing]","Joey: Have a great summer.","Dawson: You, too.","[Dawson gets in the cab, and the cab leaves as Joey watches it go.]","[Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Pacey is working the docs, and walks up to one of the boats that is playing their music rather loudly]","[Rock music playing]","Pacey: Hey, could you guys turn that down a little bit?","[The guy turns around and we see that it is Brecher]","Brecher: Witter?","Pacey: Brecher.","Brecher: God. It is so good to see you.","Pacey: Yeah. It's good to see you, too.","Brecher: Hey, Laurie, this is my friend Pacey.","Pacey: Nice to meet ya.","[The woman slaps Brecher in the back of the head]","Brecher: What?","Glory: It's glory, you idiot.","Brecher: Glory. Sorry.","Glory: I'm gonna take a shower.","Pacey: Funny thing, Danny, but Laurie\/Glory doesn't look anything like your wife.","Brecher: Yeah. The wife and I, we didn't make it. She dumped my ass. What, I can only ignore this outfit so long. What gives?","Pacey: This is my summer job, Danny. 'Cause once you bailed on civilization, it kinda folded, so I had to quit.","Brecher: Oh, I'm sensing a little resentment. I'm sorry, kid, but I never promised you a rose garden. Hey, look, is there something you wanna say to me? You're giving me that disillusioned prot\u00e9g\u00e9 look. I hate it.","Pacey: Hey, if the shoe fits, right?","Brecher: Pacey, hey. You and me... we are cut from the same cloth. We're both these chronic screw-ups. You see, that's why the restaurant world works for us. You never have to grow up. You never have to conform. How cool is that? See, I look at you, and I see myself 15 years ago. You've got a great future ahead of you, kid.","Pacey: So you're telling me if I play my cards right, I get to end up just like you, huh?","Glory: Danny?","Brecher: Duty calls, but, uh, looks like I'll be seeing you around. Come hug me.","[They hug]","Brecher: I'm coming, baby.","[Scene: The Airport. Jen and Jack are running through the airport to make it to their flight on time.]","Jack: Come on, Jen. Go, go, go, go.","Jen: Sorry. Sorry.","[Jen drops her ticket]","Jen: Oh! Ticket. Ticket.","Jack: Now, go, go, go.","Jen: Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me.","Jack: You run as fast as my grandmother. Come on. Come on. Oh...well, good news is we're not late.","[They get to their flight to see that it is delayed. They turn around to see Dawson and Audrey waiting for another flight near by]","Audrey: [Laughs] Told you we weren't gonna be bored. Hi!","[Scene: Later at the airport. Jen, Jack, Audrey and Dawson are all sitting together bored out of their minds waiting for the delays to get over.]","Jen: Is it possible that we've just run out of things to say to each other?","Dawson: That's entirely possible.","Jack: No. Wait. This is not happening.","Audrey: What? What's not happening?","[They see Eric getting off a plane and walking in their direction]","Jen: Unbelievable.","Audrey: What?","Jen: Ok, who's hungry? [To Jack]Uh, not you. [To others] Let's go. Come on, guys.","Jack: What?","Jen: Come on.","[They leave Jack alone to talk to Eric]","Eric: Hey!","Jack: Hey.","Eric: This is a pretty big coincidence.","Jack: Yeah. What are the chances?","Eric: So, what are you\u0097you going somewhere?","Jack: Mm-hmm. Costa Rica with my friend Jen.","Eric: Oh. Cool.","Jack: Yeah. Uh, you?","Eric: Oh, yeah. I just-- I went home for the summer, saw my folks.","Jack: Turned around and came right back?","Eric: Yeah. Yeah, you know, I had all these, uh, these grand plans, you know. I was actually gonna tell 'em and...just, you know, it's never really felt like the right time, you know.","Jack: Yeah. Yeah, it, uh, never is.","Eric: So, I'm actually gonna hang out here for the summer. I'm gonna get a job, take some classes, or... what about you?","Jack: Uh, Costa Rica with Jen.","Eric: Oh.","Jack: That is if our flight doesn't get canceled.","Eric: It's delayed, huh?","Jack: Yeah. We could be here for a while.","Eric: Well, you know, I don't have to be anywhere. If you want, I could wait with you.","Jack: No. Naw, it's all right. It's ok. My friends, they're just, uh, back there. Getting something to drink.","Eric: Oh. Right. Ok. Um, well, it was great to see you, jack. Have a--have a great trip, man.","Jack: Thanks.","Eric: It's good seeing you","Jack: Yeah, you, too.","[Scene: The Potter B&B. Bessie has pulled up in the truck and is unloading groceries when Joey comes running out carrying some clothes.]","Joey: Good. I'm glad you're back.","Bessie: Did Audrey get off ok?","Joey: Yeah. She says thanks. Can I take the truck?","Bessie: Sure, but you're not taking my groceries with it.","Joey: Fine, but I don't know what kind of an impression I'm going to make on the new management if I'm late my first day back.","Bessie: I thought you weren't starting until next week.","Joey: Oh, why delay the inevitable? Do you realize it's almost memorial day?","Bessie: Of course.","Joey: And the tourists are gonna arrive. Tourists at work. Tourists at home.","Bessie: You don't have to work at the yacht club, you know.","Joey: What, find another job? Nah. At least this way it's official. Joey potter, back where she started from.","Bessie: It's nice to see college hasn't squashed your inner drama queen.","Joey: Can I go now?","Bessie: Yes. Get out of here. Oh, did you bring in the mail?","Joey: No.","Bessie: Can you?","Joey: No. I'm late.","Scene: The Airport convenience store. Dawson is walking through the aisles, when he bumps into someone, and when he turns to see who it was, he finds out that the person is Grams.]","Dawson: I'm sorry.","Grams: Oh, de--oh. Dawson. Wh--are you leaving today as well?","Dawson: Yeah.","Grams: Oh, well, I... well, I guess I've been found out. Uh, we're taking the 6:45 to Las Vegas.","Dawson: [Laughs] Ok.","Grams: Don't you dare tell Jennifer. I--I think these little getaways are much more fun if they're done on the sly.","Dawson: Your secret's safe with me.","Grams: Good. Well, I guess we should be going. Hugs, hmm? You have a good summer, Dawson. You've earned it.","Dawson: Thank you. I thank you... again so much for everything, for taking me in\u0097","Grams: No. Thank you for making my granddaughter happy.","Dawson: They're still here, actually, if you want to say good-bye. Their flight got delayed.","Grams: No, no, no, no. We've said our good-byes. And besides, I-- I would hate for her to think I was doing the grams thing, trying to get her to change her mind.","Dawson: About what?","Grams: Her parents, of course.","[Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Joey is going through her receipts at the bar, when Bessie comes walking up to her.]","Joey: What? What's wrong?","Bessie: Relax, would you? I can't just drop by?","Joey: No. Look, Bess, I'm sorry if I seem short with you this afternoon. It's just...this place, being back.","Bessie: I know. Not that it's any of my business.","Joey: It's not?","Bessie: No. You're an adult now, Joey. Officially. It's not the same here without you, you know.","Joey: I know.","Bessie: And you're not the same. I know you think you are, but you're not. You even look different. Here. I'll show you. [She hands Joey a Passport] You were gonna go to France, remember? And you were giving me all that grief about going to see dad.","Joey: I remember.","Bessie: You went to the post office and you got the form. You had your picture taken.","Joey: Yeah, but I never sent it in.","Bessie: I did. If you came back this summer because you think we need you, well, we don't.","Joey: Wow. You don't have any other magic tricks in that bag of yours, do you?","Bessie: Well, as a matter of fact...","[She pulls out Dawson's letter and hands it to Joey]","Joey: What's this?","Bessie: Guess you'll have to open it to find out.","[Scene: The airport. Dawson and Jen are walking down the hallway talking to each other about her parents offer]","Dawson: So basically what you're saying is after everything that's happened, we're not still friends?","Jen: Yeah, we're friends. Of course we're friends. We're always gonna be friends. But right now, it feels like that's part of the problem.","Dawson: Me being honest with you is a problem?","Jen: Yeah. What\u0097you know what? If it involves me having to go see my parents, yes, it is.","Dawson: I'm sorry, Jen, I don't accept that.","Jen: Can you please let this slide?","Dawson: I can't.","Jen: Yes, you can.","Dawson: No, I can't, Jen, because I love you and care about you, and I know that deep down you really want to work things out with your parents. I know this because you told me.","Jen: Great, so now the things that I said when we were together are gonna be used against me.","Dawson: I know what they did hurt you. All right, but I also know you're never gonna grow up unless you face this thing and you face it head on.","Jen: I agree with you. I do.","Dawson: Then you're going.","Jen: No. I'm not. Not everybody is as strong as you, Dawson. Not everybody can rise to the occasion and do the right thing all the time. Maybe some of us are just screwed up and there's really nothing to do about it.","Dawson: You don't really believe that.","Jen: Maybe I do, maybe I don't. [Sighs] Does it really matter?","Dawson: It matters to me. All right, look, just do me a favor. Lie and tell me that you'll think about it.","Jen: I'll think about it.","[Scene: The Airport. Jack is sitting alone on a set of chairs when Jen comes walking up to join him with a soda in her hand.]","Jen: So, what's the verdict? Is he any more gay than the last time you saw him?","Jack: Very funny. He, uh, tried to tell his parents.","Jen: He tried.","Jack: It's a hard thing to do, you know.","Jen: I know.","Jack: I wasn't very helpful.","Jen: Is that your job to be helpful?","Jack: It's my job to be nice.","Jen: You are nice.","Jack: Yeah? How can you tell?","Jen: Because you've obviously been sitting here trying to figure out how to help somebody who hasn't been very nice to you.","Jack: Yeah, you're right. I mean, it's just crazy. You know, it's weird to see somebody go through the exact same thing that I went through.","Jen: And not doing anything to help them.","Jack: What do you want me to do, Jen? When somebody's that confused and messed up, so now you just...","Jen: Have to be their friend.","Jack: He wouldn't appreciate it, you know?","Jen: I know.","Jack: And it'd be a waste of an entire summer.","Jen: Plus you'd be totally bailing on me. Egregiously bailing.","Jack: Unforgivably bailing.","Jen: Yeah, except that I'd forgive you.","Jack: Ahh... how stupid is this?","Jen: Very.","Jack: You could come.","Jen: Can't.","Jack: Could.","Jen: Won't. Ok, you should go. Go and help someone. That way maybe our year won't be a total wash.","Jack: What about you?","Jen: I don't know. Maybe it's time I go help myself.","[Scene: Magazine Rack at the store. Dawson is paging through a magazine when he looks over and sees the Director that fired him from his internship the last summer. And the director looks up, and sees Dawson.]","Director: I know you. How do I know you?","Dawson: You fired me.","Director: Well, I've fired a lot of people, kid. What was your offense?","Dawson: I spilled some coffee on the set of damage, inc.","Director: Oh, I remember you, the moralistic film student. You were annoying.","Dawson: Thanks.","Director: Still in film school?","Dawson: Nope. I went back home after that, actually.","Director: Aw, poor baby. Did I crap all over your Hollywood dreams?","Dawson: Not nearly as much as the critics crapped all over your movie.","Director: You've still got balls, kid. Believe it or not, that little speech you gave me kept me up a night or two.","Dawson: Really?","Director: Sure. Still, you're pretty opinionated for somebody's who's not even in the game.","Dawson: That's me, the moralistic film student.","Director: Where are you off to?","Dawson: Back to L.A. Actually.","Director: Give me a call when you get there. I might wanna watch one of those little movies you make. That is if you don't chicken out and run scared this time.","[Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Joey is sitting outside at night on the docks, reading Dawson's letter with a sad look on her face as she reads it. Pacey comes walking up from behind to join her.]","Pacey: Hey.","Joey: Hey.","[She quickly tucks the letter back into the envelope]","Pacey: May I?","Joey: Yeah, but you really don't want to get too close.","Pacey: Head lice?","Joey: No. I seem to have fallen victim to the Capeside disease.","Pacey: And what is that exactly?","Joey: Feeling trapped, feeling sorry for yourself, sort of general inability to see the future.","Pacey: You mean being a teenager.","Joey: You know what, pace? And don't take this the wrong way, but, well, despite your pension for sugar-coated cereals and Saturday morning cartoons, you may be the most adult person I know.","Pacey: [Snickers]","Joey: You never look back, do you?","Pacey: Why would you look back? The future's out there. And whatever it is, it's gonna be great.","Joey: You really believe that?","Pacey: Sure, I do.","Joey: Just not for yourself?","Pacey: Come again?","Joey: Pace, you're pigheaded, and don't bother trying to contradict me because I've earned the right to say these things. Pacey, you need to believe in yourself more.","Pacey: Ok, point taken.","Joey: Good. You miss her, don't you?","Pacey: Audrey? I don't really think that's an appropriate conversation for last year's class couple to have, do you?","Joey: Fine, but I miss her. She changed my life, you know.","Pacey: Yeah, I know. Of course, there's always the other option.","Joey: Hmm?","Pacey: That you changed it.","Joey: Fine. I guess I did.","Pacey: I guess you did. And although I have no idea what was in that letter you were just reading, I have this funny feeling you were sitting here, in true Joey fashion, wishing that you could unchange it.","[Joey gets an idea]","Joey: No, I don't. Let's go.","Pacey: Go where?","Joey: We're not just gonna sit here. We're gonna go.","Pacey: And I would ask again, go where?","Joey: You want her back, don't you? Well?","Pacey: Jo, it's a little late for all that, don't you think?","Joey: No. We're gonna go, we're gonna go to the airport, we're gonna find them, and we're gonna say everything that we really want to say to them.","Pacey: And we would do that because...","Joey: Because we can. Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The Airport. Joey and Pacey come running into the airport and run over to the departure board.]","Joey: Oh, no. They're boarding.","Pacey: Aw, damn it! Well, I guess we screwed the pooch on this one.","Joey: No. No, we didn't yet.","Pacey: They're not gonna let us through the gate without a ticket, Jo.","Joey: I'll go buy one.","Pacey: Does this Dawson character really mean that much to you? Ok, I'm just kiddin'.","Joey: I'll go buy the ticket and stop Audrey from getting on that plane.","Pacey: You know what? I'm on such thin ice with this whole thing that if I want to make this overture, I should at least be present for it. You go buy your ticket, and I have another idea.","Joey: Ok, good luck.","Pacey: I'll see you. Later.","Joey: Bye.","[Scene: The Ticket booth. Jen is trying to buy a ticket to her Parent's place.]","Jen: But I don't want to fly first-class. What is it, anyway? It's a hot towel. I hate the hot towel. It's hot. I'd be much more comfortable on coach with my people.","Clerk: As I've explained countless times, little miss, there are no coach tickets available. Zero. And if you want to get to New York now, I suggest you take this ticket.","Jen: Fine.","[She takes the ticket, and turns to see Joey a few people back in line behind her.]","Joey: Hey.","Jen: What are you doing here?","Joey: It's complicated. Um... I thought you were going to Costa Rica.","Jen: I was. Now I'm not. Thanks to your friend and mine, and something tells me it probably has something to do with why you're standing in line right now.","Joey: Mmm-maybe.","Jen: There's so much that I want to say that I'm sorry for this year, but there's no time, and I\u0097","Joey: Give me a hug.","Jen: Ok.","Joey: Have a great summer.","Jen: Thanks. You, too. I love you, Jo.","Joey: I love you, too.","[Scene: The Airport. Dawson and Audrey are in line to board their plane. Audrey is looking very nervous.]","Audrey: Ok, do you remember how I asked you if you'd mind punching me in the face?","Dawson: Yeah.","Audrey: Could you?","Dawson: When we're seated, I promise.","Audrey: Ok. Ok.","P.A.: Blue star airlines paging Los Angeles passenger Audrey Liddell. Please pick up the white courtesy phone.","Audrey: Don't you dare get on the plane with out me.","[Audrey goes over to the nearest courtesy phone and picks it up.]","Audrey: Hello. Audrey Liddell speaking.","Pacey: Audrey.","Audrey: Pacey?","Pacey: Hey, it's me.","Audrey: Well, what do you have to say for yourself?","Pacey: I'm sorry, Audrey.","Audrey: That's just not good enough, Pacey.","Pacey: Ok, you know what? Maybe it's not good enough, but we'll never know if you get on that plane.","Audrey: Ok.","Pacey: Ok, so, come on and meet me downstairs. We'll talk.","Audrey: That's it? That is your pitch-- \"meet me downstairs, and we will talk\"?! God! You are a lazy romantic, Pacey!","[She hangs up the phone]","Pacey: Audrey?","[Scene: The Airport Security office. Pacey goes up to the security office and the man behind the desk is just staring at him confused.]","Pacey: Hey, do you think you could let me use that intercom thing for just a sec?","Man: No way, fella.","Pacey: This here's some serious business. Oh, come on, buddy. My entire romantic future is hanging in the balance here. There is this girl, this amazing girl, and she's getting on a plane. I've got to stop her from getting on that plane.","Man: Buy a ticket, stop her at the gate.","Pacey: I don't have enough money to buy a ticket, ok?","Man: How much do you have?","Pacey: [Sighs]","[We cut to Audrey and Dawson still waiting in line. Audrey is listening to her walkman, while waiting]","Pacey: Audrey, ok, it's me. Look, I don't know if you can hear me right now, but if you can, please don't get on that plane. Please? [Dawson pulls the headphone off her ears.] Or, you know what? If you do get on the plane, that's fine because all you're gonna do is make me drive across country and hang out in front of your parents' Beverly Hills mansion until you'll talk to me. Because I have to tell you that I am really truly sorry for everything, and I'm sorry that I wasn't completely truthful with you, and I'm sorry for my predilection for the company of older women. It's just that... [Sighs] This has been a really strange year for me, Audrey, 'cause while the rest of you guys were off doin' the whole college thing, I was just doin' my best to stay afloat, and, believe me, nobody's handin' out road maps for the road less traveled. You just kinda gotta get on and start drivin'. But, ultimately, the only thing that I want to take away from this year, and the only thing that I'm gonna remember is you because you are amazing, Audrey, and you came along at a time when I thought all the big loves of my life were behind me, and you just rocked my world. And I know that you and I don't actually even know each other that well yet, but...[Sighs] I'm sure that I could live without you, I'm just not sure that I want to, Audrey, so...that's it. Uh...that's it. That's my pitch. So peace out, everybody. Free the West Memphis three.","[Scene: The ticket booth. Joey finally gets up to the clerk to buy a ticket.]","Joey: Finally.","Clerk: What can I do for you?","Joey: I need a ticket.","Clerk: To where?","Joey: It doesn't matter as long as it's fully refundable.","Clerk: You have to pick a destination.","Joey: You pick it.","Clerk: No, you.","Joey: Ok, uh...Milwaukee.","Clerk: Well, that's boring.","Joey: Ok. Paris, then. Give me a ticket to Paris.","Clerk: Ooh, love it. We have a special this week.","Joey: Great. Perfect. Just print that up.","[Scene: The Luggage claim. Pacey is waiting looking all around for Audrey, when she comes walking up from behind him.]","Audrey: Hey, dickhead. So now what?","Pacey: Now we drive to California, stopping only for food and s*x.","Audrey: What about the world's biggest ball of yarn? Could we stop there?","Pacey: Whatever you wanna do, baby.","Audrey: And what if some sexy... old broad hits on you along the way?","Pacey: I kick her to the curb.","[She throws her bags on the ground with a huge smile on her face.]","Audrey: You are very lucky, Pacey.","Pacey: I know. But why?","Audrey: 'Cause I kinda love you.","Pacey: Only kinda?","Audrey: We have a long way to California, ok? We'll work on it.","Pacey: Ok.","[They kiss]","Pacey: Thank you. Let me get your bags. Let me get that one for you.","Audrey: Thanks. Ok.","Pacey: Hey, by the way, you wouldn't happen to have any money for gas, would you?","[Scene: The Airport. Joey is running as fast as she can dodging people and bags as she goes. She finally comes up to Dawson who is just about to get onto his plane.]","Joey: Dawson.","Dawson: What are you doing here?","Joey: Why are you saying good-bye to me? What happened to you? When did you become the fatalist?","Dawson: Right about the same time I went to kiss you and you turn your head like you're on a bad blind date.","Joey: I was scared.","Dawson: Of what?","Joey: Of going backwards, of never growing up.","Dawson: That's what I represent to you?","Joey: No, not you. Us. I started this year thinking that I had to say good-bye to you, but I was wrong. Dawson, you're a huge part of my life-- past, present, and future-- and I have to start getting used to that because... you make my life better, not worse.","Dawson: Then come with me. Right now. Come with me, Jo.","Joey: I can't. I won't. Going to California is your journey, not mine. And if we really mean to each other what we say we mean to each other, then...there's nothing to worry about. Everything will work itself out, I guarantee it. Besides, I think I finally figured out what that kiss meant.","Dawson: Care to share?","[She kisses him long and passionately]","Dawson: Damn it.","Joey: What?","Dawson: Damn it.","Joey: What?","Dawson: Damn it. You have this annoying habit of making me not want to get on planes.","Joey: You're gonna get on this plane, Dawson, and you're gonna go make movies. 'Cause that's your dream, and you're gonna be good to everyone you meet along the way because that's who you are. And if you ever get lost, you remember.","Dawson: What?","Joey: I love you, too.","Woman: Sir? Sir, will you be flying with us today or what?","Joey: Yes, he'll be flying with you. Go on, rain man. Your life awaits.","Dawson: Yours too, you know.","[He turns and gets onto his plane. Joey just watches him get on the plane with a tear in her eye.]","[Scene: Jen's Plane. Jen is getting sitting in First class waiting to take off. A flight attendant comes up and gives her a hot towel and leaves. The director that was talking to Dawson earlier takes the seat next to Jen.]","Director: [British accent] Hello, luv.","Jen: Hi.","Director: Comin' or goin'?","Jen: Uh, hard to say, really.","Director: What are you, a model, actress?","Jen: No. I'm a student. What do you do?","Director: I'm a filmmaker.","Jen: Really? Anything I've ever seen?","Director: Uh, damage inc.?","Jen: Oh, yeah. I saw that opening night.","Director: Oh, what did you think?","Jen: Kinda sucked.","[Scene: Jack and Eric at the Coffee House. WE see them from outside as they are smiling and laughing while talking to one another.]","[Scene: The Leery House. Gale is carrying Lilly upstairs walking next to the photos hanging on the wall.]","Lilly: Da-da.","Gale: \"Da-da\"?","Lilly: Da.","[She sees the picture that Lilly is look at, with a picture of Dawson, Gale and Mitch.]","Gale: Oh, look. There.","Lilly: Da-da.","Gale: You said, \"da-da.\"","Lilly: Da-da.","[Scene: Pacey's Car. Pacey and Audrey are driving to California and talking and laughing together as they go.]","[Scene: Dawson's Plane. Dawson is sittin in a window seat, when a woman comes over and sits down in the seat next to him. She is very nervous.]","Dawson: You ok?","Woman: Yes. No. No, not really. I have this problem with flying: I hate it with a passion. If I grab your arm at some point during the flight and ask you to explain some creepy airplane noise, please don't hold it against me.","Dawson: Not a problem. You know what? It's gonna be ok. Everything's gonna be ok.","[He suddenly realizes that everything is going to be alright]","[Scene: The Ticket booth. Joey goes up to the clerk to return her ticket.]","Joey: Yeah, yeah fully refundable, right?","Clerk: You bet. It's a shame you can't use this. Paris is supposed to be amazing in the spring.","Joey: Yeah. That's what I hear.","[She suddenly stops and thinks \u0093Why not\u0094. And then a smile crosses her face. The picture freezes and fades to black.]"],"Show Title":"Dawson's Creek","Episode Number":"05x23","Episode Title":"Swan Song","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Dawson_s_Creek_06x22.json","Recap":["When Dawson gives up his dream of making his film, a strong-minded Joey rallies the old group back to Capeside to help Dawson begin production before pursuing her dream of traveling to Paris. Jen, Jack and Grams must say their goodbyes and leave for New York."],"Transcript":["[Scene: A Coffee house.. Joey is drinking some coffee while writing in a journal. We are hearing what she is writing. We then see a scene with Jen and Grams selling stuff in a yard sale. Then Jack and Pacey moving out of the apartment. Next we Joey taking an order at a small caf\u00e9. Next we see Audrey studying at the library for summer school. Next we see Doug open his apartment door to find Pacey standing outside with a huge smile on his face. Next Dawson is cleaning of some tables outside his mother's restaurant. Finally to Joey rowing her boat over to Dawson's House, climbing up the ladder to Dawson's Room.]","Joey: It's true what they say. Time is an unreliable narrator. History gets rewritten in small ways with each passing day. I can't swear this is exactly how it happened, but this is how it felt. Summer had brought us home, and we wasted no time assuming our roles in what had become an all-too-familiar scenario. Pacey had fallen from grace, Dawson's dreams were dashed, and I was somehow in the middle of it all over again. The triangle we had all tried so hard to put to rest had come back to haunt us.","[Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Dawson is taking down the posters on his walls when Joey comes climbing in through the window.]","Joey: Need some help?","Dawson: You scared the crap out of me.","Joey: Wuss. What are you doing?","Dawson: It's called symbolic purging. I can't stand to have this stuff around anymore. It just sits here mocking me.","Joey: I thought I was the artist.","[She shows some poorly drawn scene setup drawings]","Dawson: That\u0097um, fine, laugh all you want, but that's the whole movie right there, shot by shot.","Joey: Well, then I wouldn't be throwing it away if I were you. You're gonna need this. Dawson, you have the chance to do something great here, and I can't let you pass that up. I've been authorized to use force if necessary.","Dawson: Happen to bring your $18,000 with you?","Joey: No, I forgot that.","Dawson: Jo, you're sweet, I appreciate it, but I have no money. Zero. Not only that, I'm in debt. Thanks to your friend and mine, I charged up all my credit cards. I'm gonna have to work doubles at fresh fish all this summer just to pay them off. ... Stop by and say hi sometime.","Joey: Dawson leery, you are going to let all these details get in the way? Would they stop Spielberg?","Dawson: I don't know. I don't recall anything in his bio about his best friend squandering all of his money.","Joey: Pacey messed up. No one's denying that. But it wasn't intentional, Dawson.","Dawson: It never is, Jo. Never is, but it happens every single time, and I don't need it anymore. It's...","Joey: What? It what?","Dawson: Nothing. It's just... some things never change. I can't believe you're taking his side on this.","Joey: I'm not. I'm not taking anyone's side Dawson. Look, I loved your script. It was real. It was the truth. It makes everything we've been through seem somehow worth it. And I don't know why you and Pacey can't just put your heads together and figure something out. Look I refuse to believe it has to end this way.","Dawson: Well, believe it, Jo, 'cause I pretty much never want to see the guy as long as I live.","Joey: You know what? I know you don't mean that.","Dawson: Yeah, I do.","Joey: If you give up now, you have nothing and it was all just a waste.","Dawson: It was a waste either way. Jo, look, we can go back and forth for hours on why it's virtually impossible for me to make this film, but the real reason is I don't believe in it anymore. I don't. The script was a celebration of friendship, some golden era that probably only ever existed in my head, and I somehow deluded myself into believing that it was a story of us, of all of us, and that it should be told. And I don't believe that anymore.","Joey: Well, fortunately for you, I know you don't mean that. Look, you're hurt, you're pissed off, you want to give up, which is totally understandable, but it sucks for you right now because you're not dealing with somebody who's going to let you. So I'm going to leave you to your sulking for now, but I'll be back. And I promise you it's not gonna be pretty. Asses will be kicked, names will be taken. Until then, bye-bye, old chum.","[She climbs back out the window, and Dawson can only smile.]","[Opening Credits]","[Scene: Gram's Kitchen. Jack, Jen, Audrey, Joey and Grams are there meeting.]","Joey: Ok, is everyone clear? Does everyone understand their assignments?","Audrey: What about me? What can I do? Anything. Anything at all to distract me from the sheer hellish boredom of summer school.","[Joey hands Audrey a script]","Joey: Page 12.","Audrey: Miss Jacobs?","Joey: That's right.","Audrey: The old broad?","Joey: The one and the same.","Audrey: What about her?","Joey: Well, I'm yanking you out of early retirement to bring her life to the screen.","Audrey: Wait a second. Let me get this straight. You want me to play the slutty teacher that--that robbed Pacey of his delicate flower?","Joey: Do you have a problem with that?","Jen: You could play Eve.","Joey: Sadly, Eve didn't make the cut.","Jen: Aw, that's a shame.","Audrey: Who the hell is eve?","Jack: Eh, long story. Ambiguous ending.","Jen: Now what about Pacey?","Joey: Oh, yeah. Guess he couldn't make it. But don't worry. I'll take care of that. [Sighs]","[Scene: Doug's Apartment. Doug answers the door and lets Joey in, as he is drying a pan. ]","Doug: Hey, Joey.","Joey: Dougie, where is he?","Doug: The little brother? Oh, he's, um, out or something.","Joey: Liar, liar. Tsk, tsk, Dougie.","Doug: I'm warning you, Joey, it's ugly.","[Joey goes in to find Pacey lying on the couch watching Soap Operas. Pacey leans up from the pillow he is lying on, and he has chips stuck to his face.]","Pacey: Hey. Jo, come in. I'm finally starting to understand these soap operas. They're pretty good.","Joey: All right, dirt merchant. Put some pants on. You're coming with.","Pacey: Yeah. I don't think I'm going to be able to do that. The young and the restless is just about to come on. I gotta see how J.T. Talks his way out of this one 'cause colleen was about to kill him. I wouldn't miss that for all the pizza in Capeside. But, please, feel free. Pull up a seat. We got chips.","Joey: Pacey. This is pathetic.","Pacey: Well, yeah. Kind of comes with the territory. Now I'm not sure what you want me to do about it.","Joey: I want you to come with me. I want you to help me figure out how to get Dawson's movie made on $10 and a dream.","Pacey: I'd just end up ruining the whole thing, and Dawson knows that, I know that, and in your heart of hearts you know that. I'm a dangerous man, a lethal weapon, so we're all better off if I just lay here on my couch, watching my stories.","[Joey grabs the remote from him]","Pacey: Uhh!","Joey: Pacey!","Pacey: What?","Joey: Look. I need you. Dawson needs you.","Pacey: Ok. Here's the most crucial thing that you're going to have to get through that pretty little head of yours. Things will never be the same between Dawson and me. Or any of us for that matter. And you're just going to have to accept that.","Joey: I don't. And I never will.","Pacey: Ok. That's fine. Be cheery and delightful and whatever else it is you want to be. I really don't care. Yeah, before you go\u0097","[Joey throws the remote back at him]","[Pacey groans]","[Door slams]","[Scene: Harley's bedroom. Harley and Patrick are kissing on the bed, when Joey and Audrey come into the room.]","Joey: You are so busted.","Harley: What are you talking about?","Audrey: Is this him?","Joey: That's him. That's it, Harley. I'm gonna have to tell your father.","Harley: Tell him what? He knows Patrick and I are seeing each other.","Joey: But would he like to know about this little bit of unpleasantness? I think not. Well, I'm not gonna tell Hetson, which is good for you because he would like to have wiped the floor with your punk ass, but now it looks like you two owe me a favor.","[Scene: A film Equipment rental store. Jen and Jack are trying to get the salesperson to donate some equipment for them to use.]","Salesperson: No.","Jen: You don't understand. This is a great film. You would be doing the world of independent cinema a huge favor.","Salesperson: I don't know. Let me read the script.","Jen: There's no time.","Salesperson: Yeah, well, uh, I guess you're out of luck, then. Bye-bye.","Jen: Ok, look, I really didn't want to have to do this, but it appears as though I have no choice. Um, I'll go out with you.","Salesperson: What?","Jen: I'll go out with you. It's what you want, right? But just coffee, ok? No funny business.","Salesperson: Yeah. Thanks for that, but I'm not really interested.","Jen: What are you talking about? I'm a film geek's dream.","Salesperson: Not this film geek.","[He looks over and Jack and smiles]","Salesperson: How you doin'?","[Scene: Dawson's House. Dawson pulls up the house, and goes to go inside and runs into Gale who is sitting on the steps of the porch going through the mail.]","Gale: Oh, hey, sweetie.","Dawson: Hey.","Gale: Can I fix you some dinner?","Dawson: No, thanks. I'm just gonna take a nap before the dinner shift.","Gale: Sweet dreams.","[Dawson goes up into his room, and finds, Joey, Jen, Jack, and Audrey waiting there for him]","Joey: Told you I'd be back.","Dawson: How--how did\u0097","Joey: Don't worry about it. I just want you to admit here and now, once and for all, that you finally have no excuses.","Dawson: Well, what about actors?","Joey: Learning their lines as we speak. Awaiting a phone call from their director.","Audrey: Ooh. I get to play miss Jacobs. You know, the woman who seduces a young boy on the verge of manhood. I do have some notes, however.","Joey: [Clears Throat]","Audrey: Later. We'll dis-- we'll discuss it later.","Jen: So what do you say, Dawson, are you ready to take off the dress and step up to the plate?","Jack: Yeah, Dawson, you have no idea what I went through to get this stuff.","Dawson: Guys, it's amazing. And this is-- I'm touched beyond words, but\u0097","Joey: but? No. There are no buts, Dawson. All you have to do is shoot the movie, just like you were going to do a week ago. And if you're telling me that you don't believe in friendship anymore, I am going to throw you out that window.","Dawson: N-no, it's not that. I mean, I have to work. I have a job.","[Gale comes walking into the bedroom]","Gale: Oh, no, you don't. You're fired.","Dawson: What?","Gale: It's my restaurant, Dawson. I'm firing you. Case closed.","Dawson: Mom\u0097","[Gale hands him a bottle of champagne and some glasses.]","Gale: Ok, so here's what you're going to do. You're gonna pop the champagne, you're going to pour it into these silly little cups because that's all I could find, and then you are going to make a toast to starting production on your new film. And I'd probably throw in a little something about your friends here who, in my opinion, are fairly amazing and don't forget to mention your mother.","Dawson: What can I say? Let's do this thing.","Jack: Yes.","Jen: Yay.","[Cheering]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The street outside the Video Store Dawson and Pacey worked at in High School. Dawson is working with a cast member who is on a bike. Joey and Jack are across the street watching him.]","Joey: What do we think?","Jack: I think we should give him another 5 minutes and try and time out this bike thing perfectly.","Joey: And then we'll have him just walk into the video store?","Jack: I guess so. Yeah. It's nothing like asking the director to compromise before he's even gotten his first shot off.","[They start to cross the street and Jen joins them]","Joey: Hey, Jen, um, right after this, we have to go inside the video store and shoot in there, and we only have a limited time in there, so please tell me they know their lines.","Jen: They know their lines. They just don't know what order they go in.","[Cut to a little later. Gale is filling a basket with doughnuts when Joey walks up.]","Joey: What, no sprinkles? Kidding. Any word on our special delivery?","Gale: In transit.","[Scene: Doug's Apartment. Doug is in the kitchen, and notices that there isn't any breakfast ready. Pacey comes walking into the Kitchen to see what he wants.]","Doug: Ok, why do I not smell eggs Florentine?","Pacey: Pacey: Excuse me?","Doug: I thought we had an agreement. I let you crash on my couch, you cook for me. Elaborate, mouth-watering, professionally prepared meals, well garnished.","Pacey: I'm really flattered by your faith in my culinary abilities, but I can't do it today. I got other things to do, but I left all the fixings out for you, and you really do owe it to yourself as a modern bachelor to develop some sort of rudimentary cooking skills. And chicks dig that kind of thing. And, you know, those other guys, too. They like it.","[Scene: Inside the Video Store. They are filming the Tamara Initial meeting scene from the pilot.]","Patrick: My god, look at that.","George: Oh, show some respect, man. She's old enough to be somebody's mother.","Patrick: Yeah, a zygote's. Besides, I happen to have it on pretty good authority that mothers have excellent s*x lives.","Audrey: Good afternoon.","George: Can we help you?","Audrey: Um, yeah\u0097","Dawson: Cut, cut. Audrey, you're gonna have to take the robe off.","Audrey: You're kidding me.","Dawson: I thought we'd be in tight enough so we wouldn't see it, but it's right there.","Patrick: This is, like, my dream day.","Audrey: Ok, Dawson, what if I just show a little shoulder?","Dawson: Problem is, I need bare skin.","Jen: You need, like, spaghetti straps.","Joey: She's right. You have to have something to match the wardrobe Audrey would be wearing if Pacey junior hadn't walked into her chest with a jelly doughnut.","Dawson: We don't have an E.T.A. On that dress yet, do we?","Jack: Yes. Spin cycle. Your mom says it's gonna be about, uh, 20 minutes.","Patrick: Uh, excuse me. Is there any scenario in which she could just take off all her clothes? You know, at least for one take? Because then, you know, I feel like I could really give you an appropriate on-camera react\u0097","[Joey grabs him by the ear.]","Patrick: Aah!","Joey: Can I have 5 minutes alone with this guy?","Patrick: You don't know how long I dreamed of hearing you say that.","[She yanks again]","Patrick: Ow!","Joey: What?","Dawson: Nothing. Ok, George, keep doing exactly what you've been doing. Guys will be going a little bit tighter next time, and, audrey, if you can just lower the robe down just above your elbows. Patrick, I know you got it in you to imagine the rest.","[Scene: The local Dentist Office. Pacey is trying to get a donation for Dawson's Movie from the dentist.]","Pacey: Think of how many more patients you would have if you seized upon this wonderful opportunity for free publicity.","Elise: If I have to give you $200, how is it free?","Pacey: This you will get back with a credit in the film. A very special thanks to Dr. Elise Briscoe, the friendly dentist. The dentist who cares about people's dreams, I mean, think of it. And look at that smile. It's a crime to keep you behind this desk. Would you do us the honor of perhaps coming in and doing a little cameo in the film?","[Scene: The video store. They are trying to shot the shot where Tamara is walking up to the counter with the sun at her back.]","Joey: Uh, Dawson\u0097","Dawson: Hey, Jack, can we lose that bell?","Jack: Yeah, done.","Dawson: Great. Sorry. What?","Joey: Well, I just think with the light streaming through the window, we're totally going to be able to see through Audrey's dress.","Dawson: Ha ha! I know.","Joey: You know?","Dawson: Yes. That's the natural lighting effect I've been waiting all day to get. That's why I didn't do the wide shot first.","Audrey: So is this gonna work or what?","Dawson: That is perfection.","Joey: She knows?","Dawson: Yeah, of course she knows. I'm not gonna do something like that without asking her first.","[The store's owner comes into the store and he is upset.]","Owner: What the hell is this kid doing to my store?","Dawson: He's not doing anything. I told you we will put everything back exactly as we found it.","Owner: You also told me you wouldn't break anything and that you'd be out of here by 2:00.","[Doug comes into the video store.]","Doug: Hey, Joey, I just wanted to let you to know I can't block that street anymore. It's almost 5:00.","Owner: Oh, thank god, the law. Officer, can you get these kids out of my store?","Doug: Is there a problem here, Joey?","Joey: No. You know what? There's no problem. Look, I understand that we're going longer than we anticipated, and I appreciate so much that you're letting us be here, but we just need\u0097","Owner: It's Friday. Do you know what people do on a Friday night?","Dawson: Rent videos.","Joey: Rent videos.","Owner: Exactly, which is why I want them out of here now.","Dawson: We need 10 more minutes.","Doug: You know what, sir? Why don't we, um, talk about this outside?","Dawson: [Mouths] Thank you.","[Doug and the owner go outside.]","Joey: Ok. So now what do we do?","Dawson: We shoot quickly while Doug has the guy distracted.","Joey: And if it doesn't work?","Dawson: Uh, bribery.","Joey: Dawson, we don't have any money.","Dawson: No, but we do have an abundance of hot girls, which are as good as currency in many countries.","Joey: You're joking. You're joking at a time like this? Dawson, we have yet to finish this scene, we're losing the light, we're losing the location.","Dawson: Hey, without chaos, there'd be no happy accidents.","[Suddenly Todd and Gale come walking into the video store.]","Todd: Hello, hello, hello, hello. Why are we not filming here, leery? The light is perfect. The leading lady is perfect.","Dawson: What the hell are you doing here?","Todd: Well, that sexy mom of yours made me an offer I couldn't refuse.","Gale: Ha ha! All I did was e-mail him the script.","Todd: It took me 2 days to bloody download the thing. But when I did, I said this is brilliant. I said this is just the sort of project that Todd needs to be involved with. So I'm here, fully on board, ready to work in whatever menial capacity you may require me.","Dawson: I could really use a D.P.","Todd: Done.","Dawson: And a camera operator.","Todd: Done again. Just get me a triple espresso and I'm good to go.","Dawson: Got it. Um, Todd, I'm the director now.","Todd: Right you are, and a damn good one, too.","[Todd begins looking around for someone else to get it.]","Todd: Um...","Joey: I'll go.","Audrey: Oh, Joey.","Joey: Don't even think about it.","Audrey: But\u0097","[Joey goes to get the coffee.]","Todd: All right, listen up people. Chop, chop. This man here has a movie to make, and we are gonna make it for him or die trying.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The pier outside Dawson's house. Joey is holding a plate of broccoli and talking to Todd.]","Joey: So let me get this straight. You've developed some sort of superstitious belief that if you eat steamed broccoli every day, you'll never die?","[Todd coughs after taking a puff of his cigarette.]","Todd: Exactly. Well, you see the problem is, sweetheart, is these are huge, gigantic pieces of broccoli. I'm looking for more of a broccolini-type deal.","Joey: A broccolini?","Todd: Exactly. Well, off you go there. You know, in California, this is really a very reasonable request.","[Scene: The end of the pier. Dawson is with Patrick and Harley who are trying to shoot the dock scene from Dawson's first movie.]","Harley: No way. Not gonna happen. Not in a million years.","Dawson: I totally understand your concern. I really do, but it's an incredibly character-defining moment not just for you. For all 3 characters, explains your dynamic.","Harley: I said not happening.","[Harley walks away from them and Patrick is laughing.]","Dawson: What's so funny?","Patrick: She can't swim.","Dawson: She\u0097","[Dawson shakes his head]","[Scene: Dawson's backyard. Audrey is lying in a chair sunbathing when Joey comes walking up with the plate of broccoli.]","Audrey: Ew, no thanks. I'm trying to quit.","Joey: No, it's not to eat. I need you to chop this up and serve it to Todd. You are his new personal assistant.","Audrey: I've been wrapped for the day. Can't you find someone else to do it? Someone who's not number one on the call sheet?","Joey: No. Come on. Get up. There are divas out there more impossible than you who require our immediate attention.","Audrey: Oh! Fine!","Joey: Thank you.","[Scene: Pizza parlor. Pacey comes running out, and he had been trying to get the owner to donate. The Owner chases after him. As he holds a piece of pizza in his hand.]","Pacey: Ok.","Owner: Hey, hey, hey, get out of here!","[Scene: The end of Dawson's Pier. They are shooting the scene where the sea monster is pulling Harley into the water. We pull back to see that they are not actually in the water, and rather Joey is splashing them with water from a pail.]","Patrick: [Growls]","Harley: Aah!","Patrick: [Growls]","Dawson: And cut! Great! We got it.","[Scene: Another business. Pacey is trying without success to get a donation.]","Pacey: Oh, come on. It's just a small donation.","[Scene: Dawson's House. Harley and Joey are talking while getting her ready for another scene.]","Harley: You're sure I'm not a lesbian?","Joey: Yes, I'm sure.","Harley: I mean, it would explain a lot. Otherwise, why do I hate this next-door neighbor girl so much? And why would I rather hang out with this asexual film dork instead of go to France?","Joey: Because maybe you're not ready to go to France. Maybe as much as you hate to admit it to yourself, you had a sucky childhood and you still have a lot of growing up to do.","Harley: He must have been a really good kisser, the gay guy.","Joey: You haven't listened to one word that I've said.","[Scene: A local restaurant. Pacey is in the kitchen trying to get the owner to donate some money to the movie.]","Owner: Have you worked in a restaurant before?","Pacey: Yeah, I worked a kitchen up in Boston. I actually studied under one of the best cooks up there, but now I guess I'm just doing this.","Owner: Which is what exactly?","Pacey: Honestly? I'm just helping out a friend.","[They walk out, and the owner hands a bag of food to a blond at the host station.]","Owner: Here you go.","Christy: Thank you.","Owner: [To Pacey] You know what? Don't go any place.","Owner: [To Woman] I'll be right back with your change.","Christy: OK","[HE leaves them alone to get change]","Christy: Hi.","Pacey: Hi.","Christy: You don't remember me, do you?","Pacey: No, but I really wish I did.","Christy: Well, you sure changed your pitch a lot since this morning.","Pacey: The receptionist from the dentist's office, of course. I'm sorry.","Christy: No, no. You really don't remember me. Oh, come on. From high school? I mean, it's kind of a blow to my ego. You used to follow me around everywhere. It was kind of pathetic, but... now here we are 5 years later and it's like you don't even know who I am.","[The owner returns with her change]","Owner: Here you go, Christy.","Christy: Thanks. Nice seeing you, Pacey.","[Christy leaves with her food.]","Pacey: Christy?","Owner: Yeah, yeah, Christy Livingstone.","Pacey: Christy!","[Pacey runs out after her.]","[Scene: Dawson's Porch. Grams is sitting on a chair looking outside at her old house next door, when Jen comes out to join her.]","Grams: [Groans] Curtains in the kitchen window certainly are an eyesore. Don't know how gale can bear looking at them.","Jen: I'll be sure to alert the interior decorating police. How ya doin'? Sittin' up here on the porch watchin' everybody.","Grams: It's very nice seeing all you children together again having one fun last day in Capeside.","Jen: One last day, please. [Sighs] I'm sure that this isn't gonna be anyone's last day in Capeside, I mean, I'm sure that we'll all have reasons to come back here, you know, and--and we're just moving to new york. It's not like we're\u0097","Grams: Dying. That's right. We're not. We're just beginning one more chapter in our lives together. A very nice long one.","Jen: [Sighs] Do you miss this place?","Grams: Oh...every day. Do I regret leaving it? Never.","[They hug. Dawson comes up to the porch.]","Dawson: Hi.","Jen: Hey, Dawson.","Dawson: How you guys doin'?","Jen: Whew. Good. 'Re good.","Grams: Couldn't be better.","Dawson: Good. I hate to interrupt, but\u0097","Jen: Cab's here.","Dawson: No, actually, it's just that you're, uh, well, you're... kinda in my shot.","Jen: Oh. Oh. [Laughs]","Grams: Oh, well. I can't think of a more appropriate way to say good-bye to our old next-door neighbor, can you?","Jen: Frank Capra of Capeside? No.","Grams: Come here.","[They all hug]","[Scene: Outside on the side of Dawson's House. There is a cab waiting, and Everyone is saying their good byes to Jen, Jack and Grams.]","[Scene: Cut to a little later and Grams, Jack and Jen are by the Cab.]","Jack: See ya.","Audrey: Bye.","Gale: Bye-bye.","Joey: We love you.","Audrey: Bye.","Joey: Bye. We love you.","Audrey: Wow. They're really never leaving, are they?","Joey: I don't think so.","Audrey: Bye!","Joey: Bye.","Audrey: Miss you, cuties!","Jen: What is this feeling? [Sighs] It just seems like everything's getting smaller and smaller. It's all still there, but I just can't touch it.","Jack: I think it's called good-bye.","[Jen looks over at the dock and sees Harley and Patrick messing around waiting to shoot their next shot.]","Patrick: I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you.","Harley: No.","[Laughing]","[She turns and gets into the cab with a small smile and a tear in her eye.]","[Engine starts]","[Scene: The Restaurant. Pacey and Christy are sitting a the bar later that evening talking to one another.]","Pacey: The truth? Of course I'm tell you the truth. Why would I lie about these things?","Christy: Pacey Witter, bad-ass stud and man about town?","Pacey: Ok, you're right, I would lie about those things, but I did sail around the Caribbean, and for a while there, I actually did own a BMW. I promise you, that is the gospel truth.","Christy: I see. So now after much soul-searching, you've come back right to where you started.","Pacey: Well, come on, I'm not exactly right where I started. I'm talkin' to you, aren't I?","Christy: Yeah. Yeah, you are. Or you were.","Pacey: I wa\u0097Oh, no, you're leaving?","Christy: I'm sorry. I--I have to go. I should've left ages ago, but, um...","[Sighs]","Christy: You can call me.","Pacey: Really?","Christy: You should... call me. Here.","[Christy writes her number on a napkin and hands it to him.]","Pacey: I will, absolutely will.","Christy: Bye, Pacey.","Pacey: Good-bye, Christy. Ha ha.","[She leaves and passes Joey who is walking into the bar area.]","Joey: Wasn't that\u0097","Pacey: Christy Livingstone, yes, it was.","Joey: Talking to you?","Pacey: Talkin' to me. In fact, flirting with me. She gave me her phone number.","Joey: [Laughs]","Pacey: [Sighs] You know what this means, right? You know, Christy, she's like, uh\u0097","Joey: metaphor, I know. She represents all of the high school girls you thought you'd never be able to have because you were such a loser.","Pacey: Exactly.","Joey: And the fact that all the normal girls who haven't been surgically enhanced-- girls like me and Jen and Audrey and Andie-- the fact that we've spent every second of the past 5 years telling you that you weren't a loser, that means nothing to you.","Pacey: I-I'm sorry, you lost me there in the middle. Maybe I should explain the whole metaphor thing again.","Joey: Why am I even talking to you?","[She turns to the bartender.]","Joey: Hi. Um, I'm here to pick up a to-go order. The name's potter.","Owner: Right. Right. Coming right up.","Joey: Thank you.","[The bartender goes to get her food.]","Pacey: So how's it going?","Joey: How's what going?","Pacey: You know what I'm talkin' about.","Joey: Well, it's not too late for you to find out for yourself.","Pacey: Well, yeah, but if I did that, then I'd have to eat all those fine words I said the other day, and I actually believe them. So, what I was hoping was that, instead, you could just take this to Dawson.","[He slides her an envelope. She opens it and sees money.]","Pacey: It's not everything, but it's everything that I could get in one day, and I'll get the rest whenever I get the rest. But what I was hoping is that you would take that to him and then... tell him I said congratulations and all that good stuff.","Joey: I could.","Pacey: All right.","Joey: But I won't. 'Cause you know what, Pace, you were right. This isn't my fight. You know, never has been and... it never will be.","Pacey: So, what, after all these years, you're just gonna wash your hands of the both of us?","Joey: I'm gonna try.","[They both smile]","Joey: Take care.","Pacey: Ok.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. They are shooting the scene from the Pilot where Dawson and Joey were lying in bed together.]","George: We're friends, ok? No matter how much body hair we acquire, deal?","Harley: Deal.","George: And we don't talk about this again. Deal?","Harley: You got it.","George: Why'd you have to bring this up anyway?","Dawson: And cut. Perfect. Everybody, thank you for a terrific first day that's a wrap. I'll see you all tomorrow.","Crew1: All right.","Crew2: Hey, thank you.","[Crew chattering]","Crew3: Thank you very much.","[Todd sits in the Director's chair]","Todd: Oh, my apologies, sir. Force of habit.","Dawson: No, stay there. Stay there. You bailed my ass out today.","Todd: That's right, you little bugger. My bloody dogs are barkin'.","Dawson: Makes you feel for the little people, doesn't it? Makes you wanna go back and apologize to every crew member you ever threw a hissy fit at, I bet.","Todd: Hell, no. Makes me wanna produce.","[Laughing]","[Audrey comes walking into the bedroom as Dawson leaves]","Audrey: [Audrey sighs] Anything else I can do for you, Mr. Carr?","Todd: Yeah, call me Todd, love.","Audrey: I tried that already, remember? You told me to call you Mr. Carr.","Todd: I like you, blondie. You're a saucy one. You're a bit of a tart, aren't ya?","Audrey: Excuse me. Did you just call me a hooker?","Todd: What? I meant it in a good way. You know, come to think of it, there is something you can do for me. Back rub. Now.","Audrey: Ok, you've got to be kidding me.","Todd: Go on, you know you want to. Come on, give a geezer a rub. See what it's like to lay your hands on a real director.","Audrey: You--you know, Dawson was right. You are an arrogant little b*st*rd.","Todd: Who, me? Look, I'm totally misunderstood. Between you and me, sweetheart, it's really just a numbers game. I figure, you know, eventually some bird's gonna find it all very charming.","Audrey: [Laughs] Ok.","[She walks behind him and begins giving him a shoulder massage.]","Todd: [Sighs] [Groans] Oh, that's good. Too good...actually. Might make a bloke wanna invite a bird up to his room for a nightcap. What do you say?","Audrey: Absolutely.","[Scene: Dawson's Upstairs hallway. Todd and Audrey come quickly out of Dawson's room, and go into the guest room. Dawson watches them and walks past them with a smile.]","Todd: [Laughs]","Audrey: [Giggling]","[Dawson goes into his bedroom and falls on the bed, when Joey comes up to the doorway.]","Dawson: [Sighs]","Joey: Hey.","Dawson: Hey, what are you still doin' here?","Joey: Mm, I thought I'd stick around to congratulate you.","Dawson: [Laughs]","Joey: You were great today.","Dawson: Well, if anyone was great today, it's because of you. I have you to thank for this, you know.","Joey: Oh, that may well be true but-- [Sighs as she falls on the bed] You can save your speech for Sundance. I'm exhausted.","Dawson: Spend the night.","Joey: [Laughs] And what would we call that? Life imitating art imitating life?","Dawson: I...don't know. I'm too tired to figure it out. It's ok if you don't want to. I understand. It's a little weird. Not to mention somewhat dangerous.","Joey: What do you mean?","Dawson: I don't know. What if you woke up and you were 15 again?","Joey: The funny thing is--is-- I don't feel that way anymore. Watching you shoot it was like it is...","Dawson: Yeah. Yeah, I know what you mean. Shooting this movie is gonna save me tons of money on therapy.","Joey: [Laughs] Today was a great day.","Dawson: Oh, the best.","Joey: I mean, how many truly great days are we gonna have in our lives?","Dawson: I don't know. Who knows how many you get? When they do happen to come along, though, I hope you're close by, at least for a few of 'em.","Joey: Me, too. So how would you describe your movie? If somebody asked you, what would you say?","Dawson: I would say... it's about a girl who wanted more than what she had... who had to grow up to realize that she already had everything she ever could've wanted.","Joey: I like that.","Dawson: I don't wanna close my eyes.","Joey: Why?","Dawson: I'm afraid when I open 'em, you won't be here.","Joey: Close your eyes, Dawson.","[Dawson goes to sleep, and Joey just lies there smiling and watching him sleep. He wakes up the next morning and finds a note next to him. He begins to read it, and smiles. We see a cut to Joey working in the deli.]","[Scene: The ruins. Dawson is there waiting, when Pacey comes walking up and notices Dawson and knows that he has been duped. And goes to walk over to join Dawson.]","Pacey: Hey.","Dawson: Hey. What are you doin' here?","Pacey: Uh, the same thing you are, I'd suppose.","Dawson: Actually, I came here to meet\u0097","Pacey: Meet with Joey? Yeah, so did I.","Dawson: I get it. [Sighs] Joey potter: Amateur peace broker.","Pacey: [Sighs]","Dawson: So where is she?","Pacey: I don't know, but I'd say that she is probably not coming. I think she has this kooky notion that you and I are gonna work this out between ourselves.","Dawson: Well, that's... not gonna happen.","Pacey: Yeah, I know. That's what I told her, but we're talkin' about a girl who's never really listened to a single word that either you or I has ever told her, and I did, I said it to her, I said, \"look, Jo, things will never be the same between Dawson and I.\" She doesn't listen to me. You know her, she's stubborn, that girl.","Dawson: [Sighs] Well, if she's not comin', I'm gonna take off. I've got somewhere to be.","Pacey: Hold on for one second. [Sighs] Look, you said some pretty crappy things the other day.","Dawson: Yeah. So did you.","Pacey: Yes, I did. And I meant them 100%.","Dawson: I know, so did I, pace, and that's the thing, I don't know how we get past that.","Pacey: Well, maybe we don't. Maybe that's the point that we just don't get past it, we realize that... we can't go back to the way things used to be, and there's nothing we can do about that 'cause the guys that we are now are worlds apart from the guys that we were back then. The only tie that really binds us together is the fact that we still love the same woman.","Dawson: [Sighs] It always comes back to that, doesn't it?","Pacey: Yes, it does. Yes, it does, and you know what? I don't really regret a single second that I spent with her, and I'm guessing you don't either. In fact, I really consider us pretty lucky... that a--a woman like that would give either one of us the time of day.","Dawson: You know, it makes sense.","Pacey: What does?","Dawson: Why it never worked out for either one of us. All we wanted was her. So much so that we destroyed our friendship... and in the end, all she ever wanted was for us to be friends again.","Pacey: Ok, I'm gonna ask you this once, and then I promise you I'll never ask it again. Is it possible?","Dawson: For us to be friends again? [he thinks then smiles] Anything's possible.","Pacey: Fair enough. Look, uh, this is for you.","[Pacey hands Dawson the envelope with the money.]","Dawson: What's this?","Pacey: Well, I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of going to several local businessmen and asking them if they'd like to invest in a very promising young filmmaker, and, by and large, they were all very receptive, though there was this one dentist, and I don't know how she got this in her head, but she seems to think she's an actress, so you might have to give her a little role, like a cameo at most. Just warnin' ya.","Dawson: Thank you.","Pacey: Don't mention it.","[Scene: Dawson's House. We hear a voice over of Joey as they are finishing filming the final shot of the movie.]","Joey: [Voice Over] I used to be afraid of so many things...","[Cheering]","Dawson: That's a wrap!","Joey: [Voice Over] That I'd never grow up.","[Scene: Paris. Joey is working in a store there and is finishing up for the day. We again hear a voice over of Joey. Second Scene. Jen and Jack walking the streets of NYU. ]","Joey: [Voice Over]That I'd be trapped in the same place for all eternity. That my dreams would forever be shy of my reach. It's true what they say. Time plays tricks on you. One day you're dreaming, the next your dream has become your reality.","Joey: Au revoir.","[Scene: A series of scenes that take place with Joey's voice over. Joey walking along a Paris street. Joey going to a fruit stand and getting some fruit. Joey walking through some so art displays in a street fair. Joey getting her portrait drawn by one of the artists. Joey standing outside the Eiffel tower.]","Joey: [Voice Over] And now that this scared little girl no longer follows me wherever I go, I miss her. I do. 'Cause there are things I wanna tell her-- to relax, to lighten up, that it is all going to be ok. I want her to know that meeting people who like you, who understand you, who actually accept you for who you are, will become an increasingly rare occurrence. Jen, Jack, Audrey, Andie, Pacey, and Dawson. These people who contributed to who I am, they are with me wherever I go, and as history gets rewritten in small ways with each passing day, my love for them only grows. Because the truth is... it was the best of times. Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned, but all of that has receded into fond memory now. How does it happen? Why are we so quick to forget the bad and romanticize the good? Maybe it's because we need to believe that the time we spent together actually meant something, that we were there for each other in a time in our lives that defined us all, a time in our lives that we will never forget. I can't swear this is exactly how it happened. But this is how it felt.","[Fade to black]"],"Show Title":"Dawson's Creek","Episode Number":"06x22","Episode Title":"Joey Potter and the Capeside Redemption","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Degrassi_Next_Generation_01x06.json","Recap":["Jimmy and Ashley's eight-month anniversary comes up but with Paige playing Juliet to Jimmy's Romeo for their English class assignment, Ashley contemplates having sex with him to keep him interested. Meanwhile, Toby attempts to get closer to Emma when the seventh-graders are given an assignment on endangered animals."],"Transcript":["Ms. Kwan's English Class","(Ashley is showing Terri what she got Jimmy for their anniversary. It is a silver chain that has the letter A (for Ashley) and a J (for Jimmy))","Ashley: You think Jimmy will like it?","Terri: It is so perfect. Romantic, yet masculine. Just like Jimmy.","(Ashley looks at Jimmy. He smiles at her.)","Ms. Kwan: Shakespeare's language can be hard to follow. So what we're going to do is break up into groups and we're going to perform scenes from Romeo and Juliet. (As she talks, she's passing out papers)","Spinner: Oh, come on!","Ms. Kwan: We're going to perform the scenes next week with the text fully memorized.","Terri: I'm playing Balthezar. Who's she?","Ms. Kwan: He is Romeo's servant.","Terri: Let me guess. You're Juliet and Jimmy's Romeo.","Ashley: He's Romeo, but I'm the nurse.","Terri: So who's Juliet?","Paige: \"Romeo, Oh Romeo. Where fore art thou, Romeo?\" (Meaning: Paige is playing Juliet)","(Ashley doesn't seem happy.)","Media Immersion","JT: Hey, Tobster. Check it out. Dr. Sally is coming to Degrassi, today.","Toby: Who's Dr. Sally?","JT: The s*x lady. But she's only talking to the eighth graders, of course.","Toby: Of course.","JT: It's totally unfair. I heard that she brings like props. And she gets graphic. As in pornographic. Eighth graders get all the luck.","Mr. S: Ok, people as we dicussed in at the end of the last class today you guys are going to be creating a website on an animal of your choice.","Emma: (raises her hand) Ooh! Can we do it on a specific animal, like Mama Onu?","Mr. S: Mama who?","Emma: Mama Onu. She's an endangered greenturtle from the South Pacific.","Mr. S: That sounds very informative. You know, but don't forget to have fun and use the technology and your imagination, ok? That's what it's all about...","(As he's talking, Toby is daydreaming about Emma (Meaning: He has a crush on her) It shows Emma flipping her hair and coming toward Toby.)","Toby: Whoa.","Emma: Toby.","(End of daydream.)","(Sean comes up to him.)","Sean: Hey, man. Thanks for letting me borrow your notes.","Toby: Yeah, no problem Sean.","(Toby looks over at Emma.)","Emma: Is that what he said? To your friend's brother?","JT: You ok?","Toby: Oh, yeah, fine, perfect.","Eighth graders talking with Dr. Sally","Dr. Sally: As the male becomes aroused, the pen1s fills with blood and he gets an erection. Now, if you want to avoid herpes, Aids, or chlamydia, and a un planned pregnancy you must practice safer s*x by using one of these, a condom. Roll the condom down over the pen1s right to the base leaving a space at the tip. This is very embarrassing, I know that. But it's something you really need to know. Protection for both of you. (Sees Spinner raising his hand) Yes?","Spinner: Yea, I have a friend. He's about my age. He and his girlfriend are like totally serious. I'm talking like 8 months serious.","Dr. Sally: Mm-hmm.","Spinner: And how are they supposed to know when or if they're ready to you know, do it?","Dr. Sally: Well, anatomically physically you're ready right now. But, emotionally psychologically, we're not sure. You have to be able to decide. Decide whether you like your body... Out in the hall","Terri: Ok, I will never eat banana as long as I live.","Paige: I think it was good she was so blunt. I mean, we're not all going to wait till we get married.","Ashley: I'm going to strangle Spinner. Can you believe he asked that? I mean, hello, who else in this school has been going out 8 months?","Paige: Well, what about you and Jimmy? I mean, 8 months is a long time.","Ashley: Our relationship is deep enough without s*x. (Gets out a box) Look what he made me for our anniversary (It's a pink heart made of clay) It's supposed to be his heart.","Paige: Looks more like a pile of-","Ashley: I think it's sweet.","Terri: It is so romantic.","Paige: Romantic or...","Ashley: What?","Paige: Well, you got him a $50.00 chain, right? And he got you a hunk of clay? But, what do I know? (She shuts her locker and leaves)","(Ashley looks at Jimmy's gift and smiles.)","Cafeteria.","(Spinner is sitting reading. Jimmy comes and sits down.)","Jimmy: Spinner's reading? Quick, record the time and date.","Spinner: Yo, man. Shakespeare was wild. Juliet like does it with Romeo, at 13. You know, I guess she was ready physically and emotionally.","(Paige comes up to them.)","Paige: (To Jimmy) Hey, Romeo. I've memorized my lines already.","(Paige leaves.)","Guy: I heard she did it last summer, at camp with a counselor.","Jimmy: I have a girlfriend, right?","Spinner: Right, Ashley \"you'll never get past second base\" Kerwin.","Jimmy: Spinner \"you'd better shut your mouth\" Mason.","Spinner: Look, all I'm saying is you got two diners, but only one selling fries and you've really got a craving for fries.","Jimmy: Shut up.","Toby, JT and Liberty coming out of line.","Liberty: I could help you with your assignment. I get straight A's.","JT: And I get straight D's. So why rock the boat?","(She leaves. JT and Toby approach their lunch table with Emma, Manny, + Sean.)","Toby: Oh, hey Sean.","(He puts down magazines about turtles.)","Emma: The wonderback turtle? Is that for Media Immersion?","Manny: Isn't Emma already doing endangered turtles for her assignment?","Toby: I was inspired after learning about Mama Onu to uncover the plight of other turtles. That's okay, isn't it?","Emma: Of course. Who knew I could have such an impact?","Toby: You know I saw this DVD in the video store the other day. It's a documentary on endangered species. We should watch it tomorrow night.","JT: I thought we were going to the movies.","Toby: Maybe the future of helpless animals is a little more important than that.","Manny: We could watch it at my place. My dad won't let me go out on a school night, but you guys can come over.","Emma: How about you, Sean? Wanna come?","Sean: No, I've got other plans. See you guys later.","Hall","JT: Don't you think that was a bit much? \"Oh, hi, Emma. I rented this dvd for tomorrow night.\"","Toby: JT, you better shut up.","JT: \"I was so inspired by Mama Onu and the plight of other turtles. Emma, I...I...I love you.\"","(Toby hits him in the stomach. Liberty sees this.)","Liberty: You do know that physical violence violates the Degrassi Code of Conduct, don't you?","(She leaves.)","Toby: Violates the code of conduct?","Ms. Kwan's Class","Ms. Kwan: I'll be back in a couple of minutes.","(Paige and Jimmy are rehearsing lines from Romeo and Juliet.)","Jimmy: \"Oh dear saint let lips do what hands do. They pray, grant thou. Lest faith turn to despair.\"","Paige: \"Saints do not move grant now for prayer's sake.\"","Jimmy: \"Then move not while my payer's effect I take. Thus from my lips by thine my sin is purged.","(They kiss.)","Ashley: \"Madam, your mother craves a word with you.\"","Ms. Kwan: Ashley, you don't come in for a half page. Ok, why don't we start from the top and keep doing what you're doing 'cause your chemistry's great.","(She leaves. Ashley is not happy.)","Hall","Terri: Ash, don't worry about it. It's a just a homework assignment.","Ashley: You don't get it. Even when we were little, anything I ever had, Paige had to have too. I have to draw the line at my boyfriend.","Terri: Well, see you later.","(Terri leaves.)","Paige: Hey, Ash. You were a great nurse.","Ashley: I know what you're doing Paige Michalchuk.","Paige: What are you talking about?","Ashley: I'm not blind. You were all over Jimmy in there.","Paige: It's called rehearsal.","Ashley: It's called backstabbing.","Paige: Ashley, we're studying Romeo and Juliet, not Julius Caesar, ok?","Ashley: What does that even mean?","Paige: Anyway, just because you two have been going out for like forever, doesn't mean that Jimmy's bored of you. At least, he's never said so to me.","Ashley: You've heard Jimmy's bored with me?","Paige: Not at all. But, if I were you, I'd make sure he wasn't. Before someone with a little more chemistry comes along.","Hall","(Jimmy is at his locker when Ashley comes up to him.)","Jimmy: Hey, Ash I was looking for you, I just-","(Ashley interrupts him by kissing him.)","Spinner: Yeah.","Jimmy: Whoa. What was that for?","Ashley: Didn't you like it?","Jimmy: Sure.","Ashley: Well, if you like that, you'll love what I have planned for our anniversary. Mom's going to go see Jeff perform at his orchestra and Toby's going to a friend's house, so we'll be all alone. Remember what Dr. Sally said today? Well, I'm ready.","(Ashley leaves.)","The street","(Jimmy is walking with Spinner and a friend.)","Guy: (has a basketball in his hands) He shoots, he scores! The crowd goes wild!","(He passes the ball to Spinner. Spinner gives it to Jimmy. It hits him in the stomach.)","Jimmy: Hey!","Spinner: What's with you today?","Jimmy: For our anniversary, Ash wants to give me the ultimate gift.","Spinner: A Ferrari?","Jimmy: You're such an idiot. No. What Juliet gave Romeo?","Spinner: Ash wants to have s*x? Man, you're going to get some? You got horseshoes up your butt.","Jimmy: Yeah. Cool, huh?","Spinner: To mark this heroic occasion, I think you better get little Jimmy Jr. there a present.","Jimmy: What?","Spinner: Condoms, you idiot.","Jimmy: Condoms. Right.","Kerwin House","(Ashley is on the computer. Terri is there.)","Terri: French delight?","Ashley: Thai tickler.","Terri: I can't believe you can buy condoms on the 'Net.","Ashley: Terri, you can anything on the 'Net.","Terri: Why isn't Jimmy, you know, taking care of this?","Ashley: You heard what Dr. Sally said. It's the guys' and the girls' responsibility.","Terri: Are you sure you're making the right decision?","Ashley: Of course. I mean, Jimmy and I love each other, right?","Terri: It's just, you said your relationship was deep enough without s*x, then Paige-","Ashley: This has nothing to do with Paige.","Terri: I just don't want you to regret this later. It's a big deal.","Ashley: I can't believe I'm listening to relationship advice from someone who's never even been on a date.","Terri: Ok. I'm gonna be late for dinner.","(Terri grabs her backpack and leaves. Ashley turns to the computer. At first she's not sure to order the condoms, but she then sends the order.)","Media Immersion.","(Emma is trying to find information on her project, but can't find anything.)","Emma: There's nothing.","Toby: Something wrong?","Emma: Yeah, people that are hunting green turtles have also wiped them off cyberspace.","Toby: Can I try?","Emma: Go ahead, but it's hopeless.","(He types something in and finds lots of sites.)","Emma: How did you do that?","Toby: It's a little gift I have.","Daydream","(They both grab the mouse.)","Emma: Toby...","End of daydream","(Emma hits the mouse.)","Emma: Toby! If we're going to work on this together, could you at least try to stay awake?","Toby: Sorry.","(She rolls her eyes and works on the computer.)","Emma: Whoa, check at this site. It has tons of stuff on turtles. Way more than I've hoped for.","(Toby looks bored.)","Cut to: Hall","Ashley walks past Terri.","Ashley: Hey. I need to get in (meaning: Her locker. Jimmy is leaning on it)","Jimmy: So, are we still on for tonight?","(Paige approaches them.)","Paige: Hey, Ashley. Uh, rehearsal tomorrow? We can do it without you. If you wanna do something else.","Ashley: Why would I wanna do that?","Paige: Well, the scene's all about Jimmy and me. So why would you want to wait around for what two lines? But, it's up to you of course.","(Paige leaves.)","Ashley: We are so on for tonight.","(Ashley leaves.)","Hall","Emma: Come on, guys. Let's go watch Toby's DVD.","(Liberty comes up to them.)","Liberty: Emma, you said you'd help proofread this issue of The Grapevine, remember? It's scheduled in my palm pilot.","Emma: Right. (To the others) I'll be there in an hour, I promise.","(Emma leaves with Liberty. Manny waves good bye. Toby stares after them. JT waves his hand in Toby's face. Toby shoos away JT's hand. They leave. JT puts on his hat.)","JT: Whoop.","Kerwin house.","(Ashley walks in the door. She sees her mom is home.)","Ashley: Mom. What are you doing here?","Kate: Last time I looked, I lived here.","Ashley: But aren't you going to see Jeff perform tonight?","Kate: Yup. That's why I had to go home and make myself gorgeous.","(There is a knock at the door. Kate goes to get it.)","Ashley: I'll get it.","Kate: Ok.","(She goes outside. There is a postman there with a package.)","Postman: Package for you.","Ashley: Hi.","(She takes the package and gives him a credit card. He runs it through the machine. As she's waiting, it shows Kate checking her face in a compact. Ashley comes back in.)","Kate: Hey. What's in the box?","Ashley: Oh, you know, just girl stuff.","Kate: Girl stuff? What kind of girl stuff?","Ashley: Mom...","Kate: Ok, ok.","Store","(Jimmy goes in the store to buy condoms.)","Spinner: Well, come on. They're not going to bite you.","(They go to the register.)","Man: Are you sure these are the right size for ya? 'Cause we got small, medium, large, and extra large.","Jimmy: Those are fine.","Man: But then, you've also got your choice of regular and super sensitive.","Jimmy: Just ring them in.","Man: But, then there's colors to think of. 'Cause personally, I think a little bit of color spices things up.","Jimmy: Just, just, ring them in, please.","Man: (laughs) Ok.","Kerwin House.","(Jimmy comes to the door and knocks. Ashley answers the door, wearing a black dress.)","Jimmy: Hey.","Ashley: Hey.","They go inside.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashley's room","(They go inside and shut the door.)","Jimmy: So...","Ashley: Right","(They sit on the bed. Jimmy puts the bag down. He gets up and then sits down again. They're just sitting there, not looking at each other, so you can tell they're nervous.)","Degrassi","Liberty: You sure my editorial on school fountation bacteria breeders isn't too long?","Emma: Positive.","Liberty: Great. Hey, on the way home wanna grab a smoothie?","Emma: Um, actually, I forgot.","Liberty: Forgot what? Not something for the paper I hope?","Emma: No. Sean asked me to help him after school. I gotta run.","Liberty: Ok, see you tomorrow then. Or as they say in Italy: \"ado mane.\" Media Immersion","(Sean is in there working on his project. Emma comes in.)","Emma: Springer spaniels? Hardly on the endangered list.","Sean: So? Mr. Simpson didn't say they had to be.","Emma: No, you're right. Of course not. Why Springer spaniels?","Sean: I used to have one when I lived with my parents, Charlie.","Emma: What happened to him?","Sean: I had to leave him. My brother's building, it doesn't allow dogs.","Emma: You must miss him.","Sean: He was sorta dumb, you know? He chased his own tail, he was afraid of cats, but I miss him a lot.","Ashley's room","(Ashley and Jimmy are laying down on her bed kissing when she gets up.)","Jimmy: What's wrong? Ash?","Ashley: I'm just going to go and freshen up. I'll be right back.","(She goes in the hall and stands outside the door.)","Ashley: Come on, Ash, grow up. You can do this, just grow up.","(She goes back in the room.)","Ashley: Sorry about that.","Jimmy: Ash, what's wrong?","Ashley: I can't. I'm sorry, Jimmy. I just can't. Maybe somebody like Paige can....","Jimmy: What did you say? About Paige?","Ashley: Maybe she's the girl for you.","Jimmy: You think because of this Shakespeare stuff, I wanna be with Paige?","Ashley: She's ready to do this. She's done this. But, I'm not.","Jimmy: Good, 'cause to be honest, neither am I.","(Ashley smiles.)","Outside Manny's","(Toby and JT are sitting outside. Manny comes outside and sits down.)","Toby: I can't believe Emma didn't show.","Manny: She's probably still at school. You know what Liberty's like.","JT: Emma's lucky. That boring DVD almost put me on the endangered species list.","Toby: I rented it for her.","(Toby leaves.)","Kerwin House","(Toby is going upstairs. He opens Ashley's door.)","Toby: Ash, I'm home.","(When he opens the door, Ashley and Jimmy are blowing up the condoms like balloons.)","Ashley: Oh, Toby, um, you're home early. We were just...","Jimmy: Making decorations.","Ashley: Yeah, for the dance.","Toby: You think I'm a complete idiot? (Picks one up off the floor) Better get these condoms away before Dad and Kate get home. I'm going to bed. And Jimmy, girls are not worth it, believe me.","(Toby shuts the door. Ashley and Jimmy start laughing. Jimmy blows one in Ashley's face.)","Ashley: Ow! (He takes one and gets a marker) What are you drawing?","Jimmy: A symbol of our love.","Ashley: Oh, I almost forgot. (Gives him his gift) If you don't like it, then...","Jimmy: No. It's exactly what I want, Juliet.","Ashley: Romeo.","(They hug and kiss.)","Hall","(Manny and Toby are walking when Emma shows up.)","Emma: Hey, guys. Sorry about last night.","Toby: Liberty chew your ear off?","Emma: No, I ran into Sean, we just started talking. He used to have this dog...","Toby: So you didn't even bother showing up? Not even a phone call?","Emma: What's the big deal?","Toby: You said you'd come. What kind of friend are you anyway?","(Toby leaves.)","Emma: What's his problem?","Manny: Uh, he's got a major crush on you.","Emma: Toby?","Another part of the hall","(Jimmy's at his locker. Spinner approaches him.)","Spinner: Hey. How'd it go?","(Jimmy shrugs.)","Spinner: What, you guys didn't...?","Jimmy: Man, we were this close. Then, her brother came home early. Messed up everything.","Spinner: That sucks. Want me to take care of him?","(Jimmy gives him a weird look saying \"No\" then walks away.)","Terri and Ashley","(Terri is at her locker. Ashley approaches.)","Ashley: Hey. About what I said yesterday? I was totally out of line. I guess I was just nervous, not that that's an excuse.","Terri: Fine.","Ashley: I'm sorry, Terri. Really sorry. Anyway, Jimmy really liked his gift.","Terri: You guys didn't actually...?","Ashley: No, of course not. It wasn't right.","Terri: Jimmy wasn't upset?","Ashley: No, he was pretty cool about it. Entirely cool about it, actually."],"Show Title":"Degrassi Next Generation","Episode Number":"01x06","Episode Title":"The Mating Game","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Degrassi_Next_Generation_02x03.json","Recap":["Spike tells Emma she's dating her old schoolmate--Emma's teacher, Mr. Simpson. After Spike cancels a girls' night with Emma to be with him, Craig helps Emma and Manny crash the seniors' '80s dance. Meanwhile, Spinner and Jimmy find themselves competing against each other in the break-dancing contest."],"Transcript":["At the Nelson House - Emma's Room Emma is on her computer when her mom, Spike, comes in with popcorn.","Spike: Are you sure you don't want popcorn?","Emma: If I eat popcorn, I'll get greasy fingers, and greasy fingers mean a slimy keyboard.","Spike: (Moving it in front of Emma) Mmm...popcorn.","Emma: Ms. Kwan, poetry assignment.","Spike: You'll get it done. Come on. (She shuts off the computer)","Emma: Ok...","Spike: So you know that Mr. Simpson and I have been friends for a long time.","Emma: Yeah and he's been here all the time lately.","Spike: I know, I know, that's sorta what this is about.","Emma: What's that supposed to mean?","Spike: It means that we're more than just friends, Em. We've been dating each other.","Emma: Mr. Simpson? He's my teacher! Degrassi hallway Emma and Manny are walking and talking.","Manny: So...did you get your poetry done?","Emma: No.","Manny: It's due today.","Emma: I know. But some stuff came up with my mom.","Manny: Serious stuff? (To a kid she bumped into) Sorry.","Emma: She wanted to talk to me about her new boyfriend.","Manny: And you didn't call me? Who is it? They see Mr. Simpson, with gum stuck to his shoe.","Snake: Got myself a bit of a uh sticky situation here. (They walk past him)","Emma: That's who. Simpson. My mom is seeing Simpson.","Manny: What?","Emma: It's no big deal, really.","Manny: Em, your mom is dating your teacher. That is huge.","Emma: I know. And I'd like you to keep it quiet, ok? I'm fine with this. And you can be too. Video Announcement","Guy: And Liberty says get you red shoes on...","Liberty: And dance the blues, this afternoon's eighties dance for the junior class will be held in the caf\u00e9, at 2:30, with Mr. Simpson presiding.","Guy: The senior dance will be at 7:00 in the gym with DJ's Mad Dog and Billy from Kiss 92 presiding. Oh, get your freak on for the break dancing contest. First prize: ring side tickets to a leaf game. (It goes to Mr. Simpson's class as he talks. When he's done, the bell rings)","Spinner: (To Jimmy) Those leaf tickets belong to us. (They high five)","Snake: Hope you guys have a great time busting a move tonight.","Spinner: My break dancing CD, the ultimate.","Jimmy: Oh, my eighties outfit, even more the ultimate. As you will witness tonight.","Spinner: My hip-hop collection rules. Best old school mix ever.","Paige: Guys, like take a downer. Eighties dance, remember?","Spinner: Anyway, we've got all the moves. Leafs, here we... (We hear music playing and then we see Marco in the hall break dancing)","Paige: Well, um, you could always buy tickets.","Spinner: Come on, sure Marco's good, but he can he bust moves like this? (Spinner starts break dancing badly)","Jimmy: Uh, Spinner? Not here, ok? (Jimmy and Paige walk away)","Paige: Ok, I saw better dancing at Heather Sinclair's grade 3 sock hop. Do you want to win this contest?","Jimmy: Of course I do.","Paige: Then two words: go solo. (Paige leaves. Jimmy looks at his CD) Media Immersion","Snake: So, for your weekend assignment, find a few examples of flash animation on the web. Don't forget to e-mail the URL to your D mail...","Manny: I thought him and your mom were friends. What changed?","Emma: She had a thing for him back in high school. Rekindled love?","Manny: I can totally see your mom going for him. He is kind of cute.","Emma: Yeah, for an old guy.","Manny: He's got a nice smile.","Emma: And he's tall. That's always good.","Manny: He's funny. And he's cool, in his dorky Mr. Simpson way. (The bell rings)","Snake: Hey guys, looking forward to the junior back to the future dance this afternoon? I'll be working the turn table. (Everyone starts to leave, but he stops Emma) Emma. Um, I just wanted to, you know, check in with you.","Emma: I'm good, thanks.","Snake: Because your mom told me, you know, that you talked, and, I just don't want things to be awkward.","Emma: I'm fine.","Snake: Emma, are you un-happy with this situation with me and your mom?","Emma: (Shakes her head) No, I think it's great.","Snake: Really?","Emma: 100 %. Wow look at the time. I've gotta go. (She and Manny leave) In the hall","Manny: What was that?","Emma: He wanted to \"check in\" with me. This whole thing is getting really confusing and weird and I can't get my head around it. (Emma is not looking and almost hits Craig)","Craig: Hey Emma.","Emma: Craig. Sorry.","Craig: So, uh, you two going to the dance tonight?","Manny: Can't. Seniors only.","Sean: Tell me about it.","Craig: Oh yeah, sorry Junior.","Sean: Thanks for rubbing it in. You know how much I love spending lame nights at home alone. (Sean leaves)","Emma: Manny and I are having a girls' night with my mom.","Craig: Nice. Well, uh, maybe next year. (Craig leaves)","Manny: It's so obvious Craig likes you.","Emma: You think? (Manny nods)","P.A.: Attention students. The junior dance is starting now in the cafeteria. Hall","Spinner: You think Max will talk to us?","Jimmy: No, he's got to focus on his game, right? Um, The Leafs focus on their own strengths, right? So, maybe we should, too. Like, say, I do the dancing, you do them music.","Spinner: You don't want me to break?","Jimmy: No, no. Just...","Spinner: Just what? You're jealous. You want the spotlight all to yourself.","Jimmy: Spin, you...you move like a wounded polar bear, buddy. I...I'm sorry.","Spinner: Yeah, I get it. I can't dance 'cause I'm white.","Jimmy: That's not what I'm saying.","Spinner: Yes it is. Polar bear's are white, I'm white. And you're racist.","Jimmy: What are you talking...? Okay, I'm not saying you can't dance 'cause white. I'm saying you can't dance 'cause you suck.","Spinner: Fine. I'm going solo. You're fired.","Jimmy: You can't fire me. I'm going solo. Enjoy the leafs game, on TV. (As he talks, Spinner leaves) The Cafeteria - The Junior Dance Eighties music is playing and people are dancing or talking or standing around","JT: Can't believe this is actually considered cool.","Toby: I don't know. I think I look pretty good.","JT: I think you look like a big retro loser.","Toby: Shut up. (He hits JT)","JT: Hey! (He hits him back) They walk past Manny and Emma","Toby: Hey ladies.","JT: What's up?","Toby: Wanna dance? (Holds out his hand)","Emma: This is what the junior is dance is all about. Serious immaturity.","Snake: Now here's a hot little eighties retro number from my very own band, The Zit Remedy. (As he talks he talks with a British accent. After he talks the song plays)","Emma: Uh! I hate that stupid song.","Liberty: Wow, Em. You hate everything today.","Emma: No. Just Simpson's taste in music.","Snake: Thought I saw you girls playing wallflower by the door.","Liberty: This girl she likes to party all the time.","Snake: Get on in. How about you guys? Come in and get down?","Emma: We're more like gonna get lost. (Emma and Manny leave) The Nelson's Spike is getting ready to go out as Emma and Manny come in. When Emma first talks, she is off screen.","Emma: Mom!","Spike: I'm in here!","Emma: Can you feel the excitement? Girls' night is just minutes away.","Manny: We've got romance, suspense...","Emma: A whole range of empty calories. (Sees Spike) And a dress code?","Spike: I'm so sorry. I completely forgot. Mr. Simpson called. He lucked into last minute Elvis Costello tickets. And as you know, we both live for Elvis.","Emma: Great. Have fun.","Spike: I'm sorry. I was excited. We can reschedule, okay?","Emma: Unless, of course, another antique eighties singer rolls into town.","Spike: So how was your dance?","Emma: It sucked. Thanks to the DJ.","Spike: Wasn't Mr. Simpson DJ-ing?","Emma: That's sort of my point.","Spike: Well I'm sure he tried his best. Have fun tonight. I won't be late. After she leaves, Emma throws something.","Manny: It's no big deal, Em.","Emma: Not to her. You know what? We deserve some excitement too. What do you say we crash the seniors dance?","Manny: Oh yes! Emma's room Manny is getting ready in front of a mirror. Emma comes in the room, spraying her hair.","Manny: Wow. You look just like your mom in her high school photo.","Emma: No, I don't. I look like Cindi Lauper. Manny shows Emma her mom's picture and we sees Emma does look kind of like her.","Emma: Ugh. I'm changing.","Manny: No, don't. You look great.","Emma: You're right. When she was my age my mom was totally cool. She didn't date dweebs like Mr. Simpson.","Manny: She dated guys like Craig.","Emma: She wishes.","Manny: No, but you do. (Makes fun of Emma) \"Oh, Craig. I love your eyes. And your hair. And your smile.\"","Emma: We are so gonna have fun tonight.","Manny: We are so gonna see Craig tonight. (They start jumping on the bed) Joey's Craig, dressed for the dance, hops down the stairs and sees Joey on the couch","Craig: I thought you had a date tonight.","Joey: I did. She canceled on me. Story of my life. Who are you supposed to be?","Craig: Sid Vicious.","Joey: Who?","Craig: Sid Vicious, from the s*x Pistols. You weren't too hip back in the '80s, were you, Joey?","Joey: Oh, you wanna see hip? Oh I'll show you hip. Oh yeah. (He gets up and goes to a closet) So you got a hot date for tonight? Got someone special?","Craig: Yeah, there is this one girl. But, uh, she won't be coming tonight.","Joey: Looks like we both have bad luck tonight. (He gives Craig his hat) That's what I'm talking about. Wouldn't be an '80s dance without this. (Throws it to Craig)","Craig: This is your definition of hip?","Joey: Hip and cool. Trust me.","Craig: (Puts it on) Not so sure I want to. (Then he takes it off and looks at it) '80s Dance Kids are arriving.","Manny: This is so cool. We are so cool. They keep walking when Emma ducks.","Emma: Raditch alert! (They run over to bushes and hid) Paige and Hazel walk up to some friends.","Paige: Hey! You didn't even dress up. These gloves are so totally rad. Ashley and Terri approach.","Ashley: Hi guys.","Paige: Gross me green, like totally. (She and Hazel leave, shortly after Terri and Ashley go inside)","Emma: There's Craig.","Both: Craig!","Manny: Over here!","Craig: Hey look, valley girls. What are you doing here?","Manny: We want to crash the dance.","Craig: Cool.","Emma: But we sorta need your help.","Craig: (Looks at Raditch) Meet me at the east door, 10 minutes.","Both: Yes! Inside Paige and their friends are walking by Spinner, who is break dancing. He stops as they walk by.","Paige: Groddy. For sure.","Hazel: Nice moves, Spin","Spinner: Ladies, you want moves? I'll show you moves. (He follows them. When he leaves, Jimmy turns off the stereo and switches Spinner's CD. Jimmy walks down the hall into the dance. He is dressed like Michael Jackson. Before going in, he does a little spin move.) East Door Craig goes to the door and lets Emma and Manny in.","Manny: This is so exciting I could burst.","Emma: Manny, Shh!","Craig: Keep your heads down, okay? If Raditch sees us, we're busted. They walk and open a door. They look through another door and see Raditch.","Manny: Raditch! He hears the door shut and goes to where they are.","Craig: Come on. (They move away from the door and go hide. Raditch opens the door but doesn't see anything so he shuts the door and leaves) '80s Dance It's the gym. '80s music is playing as people dance.","Mad dog: Hey, what's up, Degrassi? We're Mad dog and Billy from Kiss 92.","Billy: And we're spending all night in the '80s before you was even babies.","Spinner: (To Marco) You are going down, homie. I am so pumped, I can nail this. (He sees Jimmy kissing girls' hands) Check it out.","Jimmy: So who are you supposed to be, Vanilla Ice?","Spinner: Ooh! Who are you supposed to be, Michael Jackson?","Paige: Um, yeah, Spin. He is.","Spinner: Oh. Well, how are you supposed to break in that get up? Who's the dumb one now?","Jimmy: Uh, you are. Still. (Holds up his backpack) See, these are for break dancing. You may have the grooves, but um, (spins around) do you have the moves? (He walks away) The camera goes to people dancing. It shows Marco break dancing.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Locker room Jimmy goes in and puts his pack down. When he leaves, Spinner takes it. Dance Craig enters with Emma and Manny. They run in.","Emma: We did it. We're in.","Manny: The seniors dance. Most fun ever. They look over at Craig. He tips his hat to them before walking away.","Billy: All right everybody. It is time for the break dancing competition. First prize is this: a pair of primo gold seats to an upcoming Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game.","Mad dog: That's right. First up we have Jimmy Brooks. Jimmy?","Jimmy: What did you do with my clothes?","Spinner: Clothes? What clothes?","Mad dog: Jimmy? Any day now, Jimmy. He goes over. Everyone cheers. He gives them his CD, which they put on. When it starts to play, he goes in the middle of the room and starts to dance. When he bends down, his pants rip. Everyone laughs. For a second, he stands there and then he runs away.","Mad dog: That gives a whole new meaning to doing a moon walk. Anyway, next up we have Spinner Mason. Spinner? Bring in on, Spinner. He goes up and gives them his CD. Music is playing, but it's not his music. It's some kind of ballad song with no words.","Spinner: Party people, get ready for some serious tunage. (Everyone claps) That's not my music.","Billy: Dance....dance...dance... (Everyone chimes in with him. It goes to a close up of his face) Dance It first shows Ashley, sitting alone, not dancing. It goes to other people, dancing. As Emma and Manny are dancing, Craig is watching.","Mad dog: All right, it's slow time, for all you couples out there. Here's one of my favorites. (The song starts to play) Emma starts walking, when Craig approaches her and Manny.","Manny: (Whispering to Emma) Craig's coming right this way.","Emma: Hey Craig.","Craig: Emma, Manny. You, uh, you having fun?","Emma: (Nods) Yeah.","Manny: I haven't had this much fun since, well, ever. (She laughs)","Craig: Well, great.","Manny: Great.","Craig: Yeah, so. Manny. You wanna dance?","Manny: Me?","Craig: Yeah.","Emma: Yeah. Great. You two dance. I'll stand here. They go on the dance floor. As they dance, Manny looks at Emma. Emma looks sad watching them, so she leaves. Outside Emma walks home. When she gets there, she sees Spike and Snake kissing good night on the porch. She clears her throat and they stop.","Spike: Emma. What are you doing out here? You should be in bed.","Emma: Really? So should you two. (She storms inside)","Spike: Emma! She shuts the door and runs up to her room, crying. Outside Degrassi Jimmy is sitting on a bench. Spinner comes up to him and gives him his stuff.","Jimmy: I can't believe you did that to me.","Spinner: Well, can't believe you did that to me. (He sits down) Marco walks by with some girls, showing off that he won the contest.","Spinner: Can't believe Marco.","Jimmy: Yup, he got the tickets, he's got the girls, what have we got?","Spinner: Painful and humiliating memories. Emma's She is lying on her bed when her mom comes in.","Emma: Have you ever heard of knocking?","Spike: Have you ever heard of manners?","Emma: I'm not the one playing tonsil hokey on our front steps.","Spike: What Archie and I do together is none of your business. And you were supposed to be at home, not dressed up like me at some dance.","Emma: I'm not you, I'm Cindi Lauper.","Spike: I don't care who you are. You were way out of line tonight.","Emma: Me, out of line? What about you not telling me about Simpson?","Spike: I did tell you.","Emma: Yeah, when it was too late.","Spike: Is it so wrong that I finally found someone I care about?","Emma: Yes.","Spike: Why?","Emma: Because you've got me.","Spike: Em, you'll always be the most important person in my life. Just Snake and I are dating doesn't mean things between us are gonna change.","Emma: It's not true. Things are already changing. You and Manny.","Spike: Manny?","Emma: We both liked this guy, we both thought he liked me.","Spike: And he liked her.","Emma: I felt like such an idiot.","Spike: I'm sure she didn't plan it, Em. Neither did I. Nice work on the 'do.","Emma: You did this every single day?","Spike: Imagine. So are you gonna be okay with this? Simpson and me?","Emma: I'm not sure.","Spike: That's okay."],"Show Title":"Degrassi Next Generation","Episode Number":"02x03","Episode Title":"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Degrassi_Next_Generation_02x07.json","Recap":["Paige meets Dean, a star soccer player at rival school Bardell, and the two share an instant attraction. When she blows off Spinner to hang out with Dean, she finds herself in a situation even she can't handle. Meanwhile, J.T. and Toby's failure to keep their shared locker clean strains their friendship."],"Transcript":["(Music plays, Spinner is running down the soccer field and kicks the ball into the net, referee blows a whistle and you hear screams and clapping. Score: 3 to 2. Paige is mesmerized by a member of the rival team, background noise fades and you hear Paige's breathing echoed.)","Spirit Squad: 5,6,7,8, What do you know? We kicked their butts, and we're proud to show! Woo!","Spinner: Good game.","Hazel: Can you believe Spinner scored the winning goal!? Paige? Paige?","Dean jogs past Hazel & Paige to the bus.","Hazel: It ain't never gunna happen.","Paige: Ain't never? That's a double negative. You are a double negative, and you're raining on my love parade.","Spinner: (running up to the girls and then walking with them) Hey","Paige: Spinner hey.","Hazel: You were totally amazing out there. See, double positive.","Spinner: So you saw me win the game?","Paige: (watching Dean get on the bus) Um hmm, you were... great.","Spinner: (Dean looks over at Paige) So Saturday, do you wanna hang out with Degrassi's new MVP? (Walking backwards) Maybe a... movie?","Paige: (stopping & finally looking away from Dean) Saturday? Right, um, I was gunna work on my M.I. project.","Spinner: Oh, uh couldn't you do that Sunday?","Paige: Um... sure. But Spinner, nothing gory ok? No cops, no aliens, no psychos with masks.","Spinner: Ok, I promise. Chick flick, all the way. (He runs to the dressing room)","Hazel: He's so in love with you.","Paige: What are you talking about? We've done stuff together before.","Hazel: Not like this. Spinner. Chick Flick.","Paige: So what? Anyway I'm looking to date up this year remember?","Hazel: I don't care what you say, Spinner's got a crush.","Paige: Spinner and I are JUST friends. In the locker room","Jimmy: I knew you were more than friends.","Spinner: (Jumping on the bench) I am a winner on the field and with the ladies! I couldn't have picked a better day to ask her out.","Jimmy: Paige is the coolest girl in grade 9, you are aware of that?","Spinner: Of course.","Jimmy: You're the man these days. But- the stakes are still high. Plans?","Spinner: I'm going with the movie option. Classic, but casual.","Jimmy: That's not bad... but you've got to rent. Ok? Empty rec room, comfortable couch... (Jimmy makes hand motions and Spinner nods & says \"Ah...\") You gotta lead the horse to water my friend. You can't make her drink, but you can make her thirsty. The whole team starts spraying their water on Spinner, Scene changed to Hazel & Paige outside by the buses. Dean is walking on the bus behind another team mate.","Paige: He's handsome, he's mature-","Hazel: And he's totally leaving. Paige you're life is calling.","Paige: And I am definitely going to answer. Paige walks over to the bus and knocks on the window at Dean's seat.","Paige: I uh, just wanted to say hi. (She puts her arm out to shake hands with Dean) Paige Michalchuk.","Dean: (Shaking her hand) Let me guess. Cheerleader.","Paige: Head cheerleader. But, uh, we call it spirit squad.","Dean: (Shaking her hand again) Hey spirit, I'm Dean.","Paige: I know. (She looks around wondering why she said that) I mean uh, you're the competition. Know your enemy and all that right?","Dean: You guys wanna come to a party tomorrow night? Help us... I don't know, celebrate defeat? (The bus starts to pull out while Dean hangs out the window)","Paige: I don't know. Where?","Dean: 122 East Pate. Anytime after 7. The bus turns the corner and Hazel & Paige let out a girly scream.","Paige: He'll be so sweet to let me know where. (Not sure what Paige says) Scene changes to inside of Degrassi. Toby opens his & Jt's locker and massive amounts of trash falls out.","Toby: Jt!","JT: (Taking off his mascot head) You called? Whoa buddy, deodorant is your friend.","Toby: (Holding up a green molded bag) It's your lunch. From last week!","JT: (Throwing it away) Hmm, from solid to liquid in seven days. Fascinating. Oh my clown wig! (He puts it on) The possibilities! (Toby starts choking him) AH! Humane society!","Toby: We're not animals we're humans beings and this is discusting!","JT: It's a man cave.","Toby: It's... it's a toxic dump! I can't believe I volunteered to be your locker mate.","JT: Hey, share a locker, do something for Degrassi, Raditch our friend.","Toby: If you want us to stay friends, you'll clean this up. Scene changes to Paige & Hazel who are window shopping. There is a pair of shoes in the display of a store with stiletto heels.","Hazel: They're like 6 feet off the ground. Forget it. Trust me, we're good. Hazel starts pulling a pouting Paige away from the window when Paige's cell phone rings & she takes it out of her purse.","Paige: It's Spinner.","Hazel: You did cancel for tonight right? (Paige shakes her head) You have to cancel.","Paige: (While texting) Spinner, sorry to bail. Gramma in hospital. Xox - Paige. (She hits send and throws the phone back in her purse) There, we're good. Look, I know what I want, and I want those shoes! Camera zooms in on the shoes and then the scene changes to Spinner & Jimmy in the movie store.","Spinner: Ok, we've got \"Tender Emotions\", \"Love & Stardust\", \"Breakfast in the Sun\"...","Jimmy: Dude, it's a date, not a marathon.","Spinner: Ok, I just need some choices. Ooo oh oh! Food! Glorious food! Doritoes- (his phone rings) Oh, um, cheetoes and pretzels. Hey, it's from Paige! (He starts to read the message)","Jimmy: (Mockingly) Dear Spinner God, ever since you scored the winning goal I-","Spinner: Dude, it's not funny. Her grandmother's in the hospital. She's canceling.","Jimmy: Don't worry about it partner. I've got an alternative. You trust me, ok? Jimmy starts putting the food back while Spinner looks hurt. Scene changes to show Paige and Hazel arriving at the party dressed up. The girls reach the door, and Paige rings the doorbell. Paige breathes deep and looks around.","Hazel: Paige, you look great. Relax. Dean opens the door as Paige turns back around","Paige: Hi Dean.","Dean: Spirit. Friend... Come on in. Inside of the house","Dean: So you decided to show up after all.","Paige: Yea well after your tragic loss, I figured you could use all the cheerin' up you could get.","Dean: Really, and uh- Edwardo where you been man?! (Dean walks away)","Hazel: We are totally overdressed.","Paige: We DO stand out, but that's good. All we need is the attitude to back it up. Watch this. Paige walks over to where Dean and a few of his friends are talking.","Girl: He's intense. That electro-slash stuff he does with Lucky.","Dean: And W is always complete genius.","Paige: Oh, yea, he's great. I pretty well love all electro-slash. Everybody gets silent and lets out awkward glances.","Paige: Dean, are you a big techno fan? I'd love to know what you think.","Dean: Sure, but how about a drink first?","Paige: Please, I am completely parched. (Dean leaves)","Girl: Hey, you might just wanna chill, ok.","Paige: Excuse me?","Girl: Just, he's a little old for you.","Paige: And you're a little jealous. The girl leaves as Dean comes back and hands Paige a drink","Dean: Hey Spirit, everything cool?","Paige: Perfect. Paige takes a sip of the drink and coughs a bit realizing that its alchohol. She smiles and continues drinking. Scene changes to Jt's kitchen where Jt has many items in a large mixing bowl.","Jt: It's all about the right combination of tastes. I've yet to discover the perfect match.","Toby: Marshmallows? In KB?","Jt: Just living life on the edge. So I've been processing what you said yesterday and I've decided to do my very best to respect your needs when it comes to our locker. Cheese flavoured corn snack? No? ...And while some would say that clean freaks like yourself are totally annoying, you're my friend and I plan to keep it that way. Now... mmmm... want some? Scene changes back to the party - now outside. Paige is sitting on the porch railing and Dean is leaning against the wall, drink still in his hand. Hazel is standing a few feet away.","Dean: The whole squad was great, but you totally stood out.","Paige: I did? What are you looking at?","Dean: Your eyes. Are they green or blue?","Paige: It depends on the light.","Dean: Most amazing coloured eyes I've ever seen. They're very beautiful. Paige smiles and blushes a bit. Hazel sees Spinner and Jimmy at the end of the drive way and taps Paige on the arm. She turns and answers angrily.","Paige: Yes?","Hazel: (She points over to Jimmy & Spinner) Let's just go ok?","Paige: No way, I'm THIS close! Dean, um... it's so loud out here, do you think we could go someplace a little more private. (Dean puts down his drink and leads her inside) After you. Inside of the house, Dean is guiding Paige from behind her, hugging her waist","Dean: (Whispering in Paige's ear) You are so cute. I think my friend's room should be quiet. Paige nods in agreement and Dean takes her hand and leads her up the stairs. When they get to the room, Paige turns on the lights, but Dean immediately turns them off.","Dean: I kinda like it dark.","Paige: (Giggling) But I can't see anything. Ow.","Dean: There's the bed, there's the door, and here's the party. Paige and Dean stop in front of the window.","Paige: Why are we whispering?","Dean: Cause my friends are Neanderthals, so we don't want them to hear us. Right? Ok?","Paige: Ok. They kiss for a few moments.","Dean: You are so adorable.","Paige: I am?","Dean: Yeah. Come here. Dean lightly tosses her down on the bed.","Dean: Is this ok?","Paige: (wiggling a bit) No... yea. (Dean starts to kiss her again, now down her neck) Just take it slow ok? (He starts to get rough and lower on her chest) Dean, I said slow! Dean sits up and pulls a condom out of his pocket","Paige: What are you doing? I don't think so! Dean shakes his head at her and pushes her back down on the bed with one arm, Music starts to play.","Paige: Dean! I said no! (The camera moves to the window, Paige sounds like she is about to cry) Stop. Please. The following Monday at school. Paige is sitting alone on the bleachers before school starts. She is hearing the conversation her and Dean had right before he raped her. The bell rings and she starts walking toward the school. Paige is now at her locker when Hazel comes up and pokes Paige's stomach surprising her.","Paige: (letting out a gasp) Hazel! Give me a heart attack why don't you?","Hazel: It was a joke. What's wrong with you?","Paige: Nothing. Terri runs up excited","Terri: Ok, what's the big news?! Does it have to do with...? DEAN!?","Paige: Maybe...","Hazel: Please, they went up stairs.","Terri: Upstairs? Like alone?","Hazel: Uh, what do you think Terr?","Terri: So you did?","Paige: (Smiling) Yea, we did. Jimmy turns around from his locker having heard the whole conversation. The next scene is the 9th graders in M.I.","Mr. Simpson: Ok, the vannen-nal project. Now please tell me you remember me assigning this last week. Today we're gunna look at first drafts, text only. Mr. Simpson walks by Paige's desk and sees that she has nothing on her screen.","Mr. Simpson: That's a pretty distinct desk save Paige. Text. Sometimes involves the odd word.","Paige: I worked all weekend... but since I'm such a dork, I forgot to e-mail it to my school account. (Mr. Simpson seems to not believe her) It was so fascinating. Did you know pharaoh princesses made lipstick out of iron oxide?","Mr. Simpson: Hmm, sounds toxic.","Paige: Lead eye liner, hello.","Mr. Simpson: No wonder they're all dead. Tomorrow ok? (Paige nods her head and Mr. S walks away)","Hazel: (Whispering) Someone's in love.","Paige: Please, I'm not in love. Or... Dean's not. He hasn't called.","Hazel: So, he will.","Paige: He would have by now.","Hazel: Girl, give him time.","Paige: Hazel, you don't understand. He didn't just kiss me, we...","Hazel: (Shocked; still whispering) What! Paige? You didn't? You did! You did it with Dean! Hazel has a look of pure amazement on her face while Paige nods and semi-smiles.","Mr. Simpson: Paige! Hazel! Your assignments. Paige starts typing at her keyboard and Hazel sits for a moment, still shocked. The scene changes to Toby at his & Jt's locker as Jt is walking up. Toby is cutting a piece of caution type tape that he put in the now clean locker.","Jt: What are you doing?","Toby: Oh well, you snooze, you loose. What does THIS say to you?","Jt: Severe mental illness.","Toby: It says boundaries Jt. Boundaries.","Jt: Why do you get to decide what MY boundaries are?","Toby: Because you have none! (While pointing) My side, your side. From now on, you will follow my rules. It's my way or the highway. Toby takes a folder out from his half of the locker causing the sleeve of his sweatshirt to fall over to Jt's side. Jt looks at it and then takes a pair of scissors from Toby's \"utensils\" organizer.","Jt: (While cutting the sleeve, imitating Toby) My way, or the highway. Jt kicks the piece of the sleeve into the nearby trash can. Scene changes to Spinner & Jimmy who are walking from inside of the school to the picnic table out front.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Spinner: Ok, so I was thinking Star Wars at the cinnesphere. Ok, Paige is gunna freak. (They sit down and Jimmy has a worried look on his face) What? Star wars is lame?","Jimmy: No, it's just... I'd cool it on the Paige fire. She's busy man, I mean she's got media immersion, she's got the spirit squad-","Spinner: What are you saying?","Jimmy: Nothing, forget. I just heard... stuff. (Spinner motions for Jimmy to go on) She hooked up.","Spinner: What are you talking about?","Jimmy: That party we went to. She was there.","Spinner: No, no, no. Her gramma, her gramma was sick. I got-I got the... I- I didn't see her there.","Jimmy: Yea, um that's cause she was upstairs. With Dean. From- from Bardell. Spinner looks away hurt while Jimmy pats him on the shoulder nudging him a bit. The scene changed to Mrs. Kwan's class. Paige and Hazel are talking, Spinner is sitting in the row behind them listening.","Mrs. Kwan: Please take out your novels. As you read quietly, I'll take a look at your journals.","Hazel: (Whispering) How can you even concentrate? This is VERY big news you know.","Paige: It's not news, ok.","Hazel: Well, how'd you know it was right?","Paige: It's not like I planned it.","Mrs. Kwan: Ladies.","Hazel: Was it totally romantic?","Paige: Can we talk about this later? Please. I'm trying to read.","Hazel: Come on Paige, give me something. I'm dying here!","Paige: I'll switch seats if you don't SHUT UP. Ok? Paige continues to read, Hazel has a surprised look on her face and then she starts reading too. The camera shows Spinner who is upset because he thinks that Jimmy told him the truth. Scene changes to Paige walking alone in the hallway looking down at the ground. She walks past Spinner without seeing him and he turns around.","Spinner: Paige!","Paige: (Turning to see Spinner) Oh, hey Spin.","Spinner: How's your gramma?","Paige: (Turning once more) What?","Spinner: You know your grammar. The one that was sick on Saturday night.","Paige: Oh, she's ok thanks.","Spinner: Yea, and Dean? How's he doing? (Paige stops and turns around) I know what happened, ok.","Paige: (Getting upset) Yea, were you in the room with me? Cause I don't think you were! She turns to leave but Spinner grabs her elbow","Spinner: You lied to me.","Paige: Don't touch me! Don't you EVER touch me!","Spinner: (Yelling) Why not? Everybody else does! Paige slaps Spinner and turns straight into the girl's washroom on her right while Spinner looks around shocked. Scene changes to Jt & Toby's locker; Toby opens it and looks around for his sweater sleeve.","Toby: (Realizing) Jt!","Jt: (Sitting nearby) What?","Toby: You ruined my sweatshirt!","Jt: It was in MY space! YOU threw my stuff on the floor!","Toby: It was discusting!","Jt: It wasn't your property! (Jt & Toby start fighting; Mr. Raditch walks up)","Mr. Raditch: Uh boys, what seems to be the problem here? In the girls washroom, Paige is crouching in one of the stalls crying when Hazel comes in","Hazel: Paige? Paige? I just saw Spinner. He was completely out of line. Paige: It wasn't what I thought, you know. First time... kinda hoped it'd be beautiful or something. I'm so stupid.","Hazel: You're not stupid.","Paige: (Coming out of the stall) Those shoe's! I wanted it to work! I wanted him to wanna be with me.","Hazel: He did.","Paige: Yea, sure.","Hazel: He'll call you. You don't have to get so upset.","Paige: (Almost crying again) I didn't even want to do it Hazel! I said no over and over again!","Hazel: (Worried) You said no? (Paige nods and lets out a few tears) And he didn't listen?","Paige: (Crying again) He just pushed me down! Harder. He didn't stop! He wouldn't stop!","Hazel: Paige... hunny. (She puts her hand on Paige's shoulder but Paige shrugs it off) If you said no... that's rape.","Paige: No! (She cries even harder now repeating no a couple of times) Scene changes to Jt & Toby sitting on a bench in the hallway with Mr. Raditch standing in front of them.","Mr. Raditch: Now boys, I want you to know that I appreciate what you're doing for Degrassi by volunteering to share, but you two are stuck together. So I want you to remember the 3 c's. What are they again?","Jt & Toby: (Bored & unenthusiastic) Cohabitation requires coordinated cooperation.","Mr. Raditch: Excellent, very good. So, get along. End of story. (He leaves)","Jt: My parent's are gunna kill me for doing this, but... He tucks his arm into his shirt and offers his sleeve to Toby who in return cuts it. The shake hands and then the scene changes to Paige and Hazel outside of the school. Paige is far ahead of Hazel who is trying to catch up.","Hazel: Paige! Hey wait up! Paige! Whatever happened to going to the doctor after school?","Paige: (Angry) Why would I?","Hazel: I don't know, to check on STD's, pregnancy.","Paige: He wore a condom. Safe s*x, all the way. I'm fine.","Hazel: What Dean did is illegal! You know that right?","Paige: (Stopping and turning around) Yea, and what about what I did?","Hazel: (Confused) You didn't do anything.","Paige: (Yelling) Yea, so I didn't dress like a slut? I didn't drink? I didn't come on to him in front of the WHOLE party?","Hazel: Paige...","Paige: I guess I didn't ask him to go upstairs either.","Hazel: You said no.","Paige: It doesn't matter! (She turns and starts walking away again; Hazel follows)","Hazel: It does matter! Paige, you have to tell someone!","Paige: No I don't! I can deal with it.","Hazel: Paige, you were raped!","Paige: (Turning around once more) Look, MY business, MY problem! I'm fine! Paige storms off as Hazel stands where she is looking worried."],"Show Title":"Degrassi Next Generation","Episode Number":"02x07","Episode Title":"Shout","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Degrassi_Next_Generation_02x16.json","Recap":["As a new school year begins, Degrassi expands into a full-fledged high school encompassing seventh through twelfth grades, much to the chagrin of all the students. New ninth-grader Craig becomes quick friends with Sean and attracts Emma and Manny, but his home life is less than perfect as he deals with an abusive father and his own, growing need to be around his stepfather Joey and half-sister Angela. Meanwhile, J.T. makes desperate attempts to ask Paige out, but she refuses every time. She later changes her mind when she makes a bet with Hazel and Spinner. Note: This episode marks the first appearance of Jake Epstein as Craig Manning."],"Transcript":["At Sean's house","(Sean is pouring a couple glasses of coke for him and Emma.)","Sean: So uh this is the palace.","Emma: I always wondered what it looks like in here.","Sean: Yeah.","Emma: Okay so...chemistry!","Sean: I hate chemistry.","Emma: Right. Um periodic table. Who created...","(She starts to lean back in the chair.)","Sean: Careful! That chair's broken.","Emma: Oh.","Sean. Um you gotta lean forward.","Emma: Okay. Yeah so the periodic table.","Tracker: (On the phone) I don't care! Look tell that knob that I don't give a flying-","(Sean gives Tracker a look and he stops.)","Tracker: (On the phone) Look if he wants to talk to me that way then I quit and that's it.","(He gets off his phone.)","Tracker: Hey sorry.","Sean: Nice to see you.","Tracker: How's it going Em?","Emma: Good.","Tracker: Welcome to our uh very, very humble abode. What you guys doing?","Sean: Oh we're just doing some-","Tracker: Chemistry huh? That's cool. Don't go building no bombs. So uh-","(Tracker makes a motion for them to leave.)","Sean: Yeah um I guess we're just gonna go to the library then.","Tracker: That's cool. Yeah. Hey Em, good to see you. Take care of yourself, alright?","Emma: You too.","In the gymnasium, the boys are playing basketball","Mr. Armstrong: Jimmy. Sean. Now that's the kind of teamwork I want to see in the regionals gentleman.","Sean: No problem.","Jimmy: You got it coach.","Mr. Armstrong: Good work.","Spinner: Man! Man you guys, you really do play great together. Like Vince and JYB.","(Nobody says anything.)","Spinner: Oh wait. Did I just break the don't talk to Sean and Jimmy at the same time rule?","Sean: Shut up Spinner.","Spinner: No you shut up. I mean, okay you two. You had a fight a long, long time ago. Why don't you just let it go? Ask him.","Jimmy: I'm having a party tonight to celebrate making the regionals and you can bring Emma if you want to.","Sean: Cool.","(They do a little fist pump action.)","Spinner: Aw you two. You make me very, very happy.","(Spinner puts his arms around Jimmy and Sean.)","Jimmy: Dude! Armpits near the face.","In the hallway","Manny: So is Sean excited about tonight? Em you didn't tell him, did you?","Emma: If I told him last week he would have worried himself into a coma.","Manny: Well enough's enough. You have to tell him, like right now.","Emma: Sean!","Sean: Emma.","Emma: Hi um...are you busy tonight?","Sean: Why am I getting that weird, scary vibe?","Emma: Um because...I know this sounds awful, but my parents were wondering if maybe you wanted to come to dinner.","Sean: No!","Emma: But you have to! I told them you're coming.","Sean: Emma we have Jimmy's party tonight. We were invited.","Emma: Yeah I know, but I think my parents would be a little more disappointed if you don't show up than Jimmy will.","Mr. Simpson: Hey one word for you. Chutoro!","Sean: Chut-...Emma!","Emma: It's a kind of sushi. You know, raw fish?","Sean: Yeah I know.","Emma: Anyway my mom makes it for special occasions so you have to come! We'll go to Jimmy's after. I promise. Please. Please! In a classroom, Jimmy is staring at Ashley","Spinner: Checking out Ashley huh? Dude could you be any more predictable?","Jimmy: Okay Ash has changed. She's not the same girl she was last year.","Spinner: Oh yeah. Yeah I know. She's become a vampire.","Jimmy: I'm not talking about her style. I mean she's more down to earth.","Spinner: Yeah.","(Terri walks by.)","Jimmy: Oh Ter I'm having a party tonight at my house. Can you make it?","Terri: Totally.","Jimmy: Tell Ash she can come to if she wants. It's no big deal.","Spinner: (Mimicking Jimmy) Tell Ash she can come to. It's no big deal.","Jimmy: (Mimicking Spinner) My armpits smell!","In the hallway","Paige: A vote. Hands or feet?","Ellie: Are we supposed to understand what that means?","Paige: It means my weekend at the spa with mom includes either a free manicure or pedicure. My choice.","Terri: You're missing Jimmy's party for a pedicure?","Paige: No for a spa weekend. Look it's more fun than a room full of Neanderthals.","Ashley: So El, how about you?","Ellie: I'd have more fun sculpting my earwax. Why? Are you going?","Ashley: Nah. I don't think so.","Terri: Ash! You so want to go.","Ashley: But he didn't really invite me. He just sort of invited me.","Terri: I see the way he looks at you. He still likes you.","Ashley: I'm not sure I believe that Ter.","Terri: Well only one way to find out. At Sean's house","Tracker: Sean it's just a job, okay? Everything's gonna be alright.","Sean: You know what? That's what dad said and it never was!","Tracker: I know. I know, but me and you, we're not mom and dad, right?","Sean: No? We live like them. You're out of work!","Tracker: Yeah money's important Sean, but so's my pride.","Sean: You know what Tracker? You sound just like dad, whenever he lost his job or whenever he quit or whenever he got fired and he just...","Tracker: Yeah except then he'd go and take all our money and blow it on booze. Do you see me doing that?!","Sean: No.","Tracker: That's right. Look I got a job interview lined up for tomorrow. Does that sound like dad?","Sean: Aren't you special.","Tracker: I'm trying. Where are you going with my pickled herring, punk?","Sean: Tonight I, I have dinner with Emma's parents.","Tracker: Well isn't that nice. Say hello to the family for me. At Emma's house","Spike: Em. Nervous?","Emma: Not for me. For Sean. You guys aren't gonna grill him, right?","Spike: Just the octopus, but I, I hear you, okay?","(Emma sets out the napkins.)","Emma: Black.","Spike: Just relax!","Outside","(Sean is walking towards Emma's house.)","At Emma's house, during dinner","Mr. Simpson: You know I was reading that uh the average sumo wrestler weighs around 400 pounds and one of the best tipped the scale at 700 pounds. Can you believe that?","Spike: That's because they eat like a ton of rice, morning, noon and night.","Mr. Simpson: Mm. Speaking of rice I think I'm going to have some more of the kamaboko.","Spike: So Sean, I uh hear you're quite the basketball star?","Sean: Uh I'm okay I guess.","Mr. Simpson: Don't be modest. I saw you tearing up the court the other day.","Spike: Your parents must be proud.","Mr. Simpson: Uh Emma can you pass the nigiri please?","Emma: Yeah sure.","Sean: Uh they're in Wasaga Beach. I live with my brother.","Spike: Oh right.","Emma: Uh mom, um the California roll looks great.","Mr. Simpson: What does your brother do?","Sean: Well he's...","Emma: Snake!","Sean: It's alright. Emma it's alright. He installs side view mirrors on minivans.","Mr. Simpson: Oh he's an auto worker. That's a noble profession.","Sean: Yeah he quit yesterday.","Spike: Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.","Sean: Um do you guys mind if I get some water?","Spike: No not at all. Help yourself.","(Sean gets up and goes to the kitchen.)","Emma: You guys, I thought I asked you not to do this!","Spike: It's just that children shouldn't have to live with that kind of stress.","Sean: Does anybody else want any water?","Mr. Simpson: No I think we're all fine.","(Sean sees a bottle of alcohol on the counter, pours some into his glass and drinks it quickly before walking back to the table.)","Spike: So Sean? Have you uh seen any good movies lately?","Sean: No.","Spike: Oh uh I really like them. Mr. Simpson, Snake and I, we like them. Going to them. Don't we?","Mr. Simpson: Yeah. Yeah. A lot. Popcorn, soda, Godzilla...","Sean: Cool. Emma you want some more pie?","Emma: Yeah sure.","(Sean starts to pass the pie and knocks over Emma's plate onto her lap.)","Mr. Simpson: Oh, oh, oh!","Emma: Oh.","Sean: I'm sorry!","Emma: Oh.","Sean: I'm sorry. Here let me, let me help you clean up.","Emma: No it's okay.","Sean: Here I'll do it-","Emma: No. Really. I'll just go change.","Mr. Simpson: You know I feel like some coffee. I'm gonna put a pot on.","Spike: So uh Snake and I are really glad that you could come. It's given us a chance to get to know each other a bit more.","Sean: No problem.","Spike: Anytime. Hey why don't I pack you up some leftovers?","Sean: You, you already made me dinner.","Spike: Give you a nice home cooked meal.","Sean: Because I don't get nice home cooked meals at home?","Spike: Sean we just have extra.","Sean: For a welfare case!","Spike: That's not what I was saying. Sean. Where are you going? Sean!","(Sean puts his jacket on and leaves quickly.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","At Jimmy's party, Terri and Ashley walk in","Ashley: I shouldn't be here.","Terri: Spinner!","Spinner: Hey. Uh Terri, Ash. Uh great you came. Uh where's Paige?","Terri: At the spa, but we're here.","Spinner: Oh yeah uh great. That's-","(Someone sprays Spinner with whipped cream and Spinner chases after her.)","Terri: You should go find Jimmy.","Ashley: I already have.","Jimmy: So you came.","Ashley: I came.","Jimmy: Good.","Ashley: Good.","Guest: Hey Jimmy!","Jimmy: Sorry I got guests to attend to. I'll catch you later.","Ashley: Wow. Guess he really didn't want me to come after all.","Terri: I know the feeling.","At Emma's, Emma comes downstairs wearing different clothes","Emma: Hey I-","(Emma sees that Sean isn't there.)","Emma: Where's Sean?","Spike: He uh, he left.","Emma: What?! Why? What did you say?","Spike: Nothing. I, I offered him leftovers. He totally misunderstood and that's all. Honest.","Emma: Yeah really.","Mr. Simpson: Emma.","Spike: Where are you going?","Emma: To find him!","At Jimmy's party, Sean walks in","Sean: Yo what's going on? I heard there's a party here!","Craig: I thought you weren't coming man.","Sean: No I am. This is a party. I love parties. Yeah!","Spinner: Yeah party. Woo hoo. Anyways you know, got to get my ladies, tend to them. See you later.","Sean: Sweet man. He's got ladies. Yo what's going on buddy? What do you say?","Craig: Yeah um, you been drinking?","Sean: No! Maybe a little. Come on man let's go. Yo introduce me to some people. Jimmy. What's going on man?","Jimmy: Hey you made it! What's up?","Sean: Nothing.","Craig: What's up man?","Jimmy: Not much. Uh napkins. I need napkins.","(He reaches under the counter for the napkins where his parents keep the booze.)","Jimmy: Catch you boys later?","Sean: Yeah.","(Sean looks at the alcohol under the bar.)","Craig: So uh where's Emma?","Sean: Emma? Uh she's at home. We're through.","Craig: What? You guys just got back together.","Sean: I know, alright? But her mom called me a total welfare case or something. So I told her off and I left. I totally freaked out and whatever, okay? It's over and obviously Emma's never gonna forgive me.","Craig: You don't know that. Call her.","Sean: No man. It's over, alright?","Craig: Sean, just pick up the phone...","Sean: Okay?!","Craig: Okay.","Sean: Okay.","Craig: You coming?","Sean: Yeah just give me a minute.","(He pours out some of his soft drink and pours the alcohol into his bottle. A random guy walks over to Ashley.)","Party guest: You plus me, destiny.","Terri: Okay, let's go.","(Ashley and Terri start to leave.)","Jimmy: Ash! You can't go.","Ashley: Uh yes I can.","Jimmy: No, no. We didn't talk yet.","Ashley: You've got a lot of guests.","Jimmy: You're the guest I want to be with.","Ashley: I can stick around for a bit.","Jimmy: That's great.","(Emma walks in looking for Sean.)","Emma: Sean! Sean! Here you are. I'm so sorry about my mom. What did she say exactly?","Sean: Exactly?","Emma: Yeah I want to call her on it. What did she say?","Sean: She said the truth, alright? She said the truth.","Emma: Sean are you drunk? Where did you get that?","Sean: My host, Jimmy Brooks and it's time for a refill.","(He starts opening the bottle.)","Emma: Sean!","Sean: Yo Emma calm down. What are you gonna give me for it?","(He starts holding the bottle away from her as she tries to grab it.)","Emma: Sean! No!","Sean: What are you gonna give me for it?","Emma: Sean!","(He drops the bottle and the music stops.)","Jimmy: So you, you come to my house to steal my parents booze?","Sean: Jimmy come on man. Your parents are so rich they won't even know.","Jimmy: Just get out of here.","Sean: At least let me clean it up.","Jimmy: Just get out!","(Emma grabs Sean and they leave, while Jimmy and Ashley start picking up the broken bottle pieces and Jimmy cuts his hand.)","Jimmy: Ah.","Ashley: Here.","(She puts a napkin on his hand and they're about to kiss when Ashley pulls away.)","Ashley: You know what? Um Terri's waiting.","Outside Jimmy's, Sean and Emma are sitting down","Sean: I don't feel good. I have to go home.","(He starts to stand up and Emma helps him sit back down.)","Sean: Why do you even bother?","Emma: What are you talking about?","Sean: I'm just a big, stupid loser. My parents are drunks, my, my brother's out of work. I'm just a big, stupid loser like them.","Emma: Yeah so is that what you want me to say? Do you want me to call you a big, stupid loser Sean? Is that what you want?","(Emma takes out her cell phone.)","Sean: Who are you calling?","Emma: My mom.","Sean: What? No. Hang up.","Emma: (On the phone) Mom you know you said if I ever needed you'd pick me up no questions asked? Great. We're outside Jimmy's.","In the hallway","Ashley: How's your hand?","Jimmy: I'll survive.","Ashley: I'm sorry about the other night.","Jimmy: Nah the party got out of hand. I got serious flack though.","Ashley: That's not what I mean. I mean-","Jimmy: Oh. Uh look I guess it was kind of my fault 'cause I weirded you-","(Ashley kisses him.)","Ashley: So now we're even.","(Jimmy is about to lean in and kiss Ashley when Sean interrupts.)","Sean: Hey Jimmy.","(Jimmy and Ashley ignore him and walk away.)","Emma: Sean! Sean. Sean why are you doing this?","Sean: Because I screwed up, alright Emma?","Emma: Once! Everybody screws up once.","Sean: Emma homeroom is about to start.","Emma: I know, but this is more important, so stop!","(They sit down by the lockers.)","Sean: Things are always gonna be like this.","Emma: Like what?","Sean: Me screwing up. It's in my blood.","Emma: It's in your head and that's all.","Sean: Your mom and Simpson aren't gonna be as forgiving.","Emma: Did my mom give you the third degree?","Sean: No.","Emma: I mean if she has to drive you home drunk a second time it might be a different story.","Sean: You don't have to worry about that, alright? Tracker gave me a lecture and I just don't-","Emma: Okay, but this isn't about Tracker or your parents or my parents. This is about you and me. Sean I like you.","Sean: I like you too."],"Show Title":"Degrassi Next Generation","Episode Number":"02x16","Episode Title":"Message in a Bottle","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Degrassi_Next_Generation_02x22.json","Recap":["Paige meets Dean, a star soccer player at rival school Bardell, and the two share an instant attraction. When she blows off Spinner to hang out with Dean, she finds herself in a situation even she can't handle. Meanwhile, J.T. and Toby's failure to keep their shared locker clean strains their friendship."],"Transcript":["In Mr. Simpson's class","Sully: (On the TV announcements) And finally the dance committee is reminded that they have first period off to transform our gym into a Hawaiian surf paradise. Aloha!","Mr. Simpson: Guys. Guys, your attention please. Some of you have already heard, but I have some unfortunate news. Craig Manning's father died over the weekend in a car accident.","Marco: Uh Craig's okay, right? I mean he wasn't in...","Mr. Simpson: He's fine, but he won't be back for the rest of term.","Ashley: Um Mr. Simpson I thought that we should send flowers, so I'm taking up a collection if that's okay.","Mr. Simpson: That'd be great Ashley. Thank you.","Ashley: Give what you can, guys. I'll make sure Craig gets them today.","(Craig walks in suddenly.)","Craig: Sorry I'm late sir.","(Nobody says anything.)","Craig: Is something wrong?","Mr. Simpson: No. No, we just um...we weren't expecting you.","Craig: Not summer holidays yet!","Mr. Simpson: Not yet. So uh take your seat.","(Craig sits down smiling.)","Mr. Simpson: Okay let's see who else is here? Aden, Auzryan-","In the gymnasium","Paige: Ash, uh my donation for the flower fund.","Ashley: Thanks Paige.","Mr. Raditch: I told you there's no pressure on having you come to ten classes.","Craig: Yeah.","Paige: Happy way to end such a happy year.","Hazel: I know. Poor Craig.","Ashley: I just wish I could do something for him you know?","Terri: You can't, not really. I know firsthand. My mom, remember?","Ashley: I know, but I'm gonna try.","(Ashley walks over to him.)","Ashley: Hey Craig how you doing?","Craig: I'm fine. I mean I was going crazy at Joey's, needed to get out, so I'm here! Wow the gym looks amazing. I can't wait for the dance.","Ashley: You still want to go?","Craig: Yeah why wouldn't I?","Paige: Well I'm making sure my year ends on a positive note. Notice anything?","Hazel: I think you're getting a pimple on your nose.","Paige: I went to the tanning salon yesterday. If I'm gonna win the part, I've got to look it, right?","Hazel: If you're gonna win what part?","Paige: Spin and me, luau king and queen.","Hazel: Um this dance is open to kids all the way up to grade 11.","Paige: So?","Hazel: So one of them will get the crown.","Paige: Not if I get all the 7s, 8s, and 9s to vote for me.","In Ms. Hatzilakos' class","Ms. Hatzilakos: You know I was really surprised at the results of your test. You must have studied very hard.","Marco: I can't believe how well he's taking it.","Jimmy: I wouldn't be that cool.","Ms. Hatzilakos: Good job. I'm proud of you.","(Craig shows them his test.)","Jimmy: A! That's my man.","Marco: Wow. That's amazing buddy.","Craig: Yeah my dad actually did something worthwhile for me. He was a good study partner.","Jimmy: Look we're really sorry to hear about your dad, man.","Marco: Yeah. So you okay?","Craig: Guys I'm fine. Hey I'm the lucky one. My dad died. I, I walked away with a scratch.","Marco: I thought you weren't in the car...","Craig: Friday night we're like speeding down the highway, my dad's mad and he won't slow down. Ahead there's a rig. I see it, my dad doesn't and we hit...hard.","(He laughs.)","Craig: Guys I was at Joey's when it happened! I had you going though.","In the hallway","Marco: It was like he was joking about it.","Jimmy: It's not like he was. He was. Yo cafeteria boy you better hurry. You're gonna be late for work.","Spinner: Yeah glad to see you still have your sense of humor.","Jimmy: Yeah well you didn't get around to stealing that.","Spinner: Enough already, okay?","Jimmy: Gavin could you tell me about some of today's lunch specials?","Spinner: Go ahead. Laugh it up, but you won't be laughing when I'm voted luau king.","Marco: Okay. Guys could we just do this later?","Spinner: Yeah we'll do this later. Count on it.","Jimmy: *Mimicking Spinner* Oh we'll do this later. Oh okay!","Marco: Okay Jimmy, give it up. He and Paige would make an amazing luau king and queen. In the cafeteria","Jimmy: Just the girl I was looking for.","Hazel: Oh hi.","Jimmy: The dance, you still going solo? 'Cause you're not anymore.","Hazel: Um okay...","Jimmy: And who knows, I mean maybe we'll even walk away with the luau crown.","Hazel: Paige wants that crown.","Jimmy: So? It's a free country.","Hazel: Yeah, but she's my best friend.","Jimmy: And you've been in her shadow for how long? Isn't it time for Hazel Aden to step into the spotlight? Think about it. In the media immersion room","Toby: And there you go. You're on the list.","Paige: So rumor's true.","Jimmy: Ah it's nothing personal Paige. There's twenty couples on this list.","Paige: Yeah and only one from 9th grade.","Spinner: You're splitting our vote.","Jimmy: People can vote for who they want.","Kendra: What does it matter anyway? Who wants to be some stupid luau thing?","Toby: And that's why I love you. No! No, not love you. Just like you, a lot. Outside Mr. Manning's house","(Joey and Craig drive up and go inside.)","Joey: You okay?","Craig: I'm going upstairs.","(Craig walks upstairs and looks around crying.)","At the funeral","Priest: Goodness and mercy all my life shall surely follow me; And in God's house for evermore my dwelling-place shall be. Amen. The grace of our lord and the love of God be with us evermore. Amen. At this time I call on Dr. Steven Whatley, one of Albert's coworkers, to say a few words. Steven?","Steven: I knew Albert Manning for almost twenty years and he was a good friend, a topnotch surgeon, an absolutely devastating squash player and a dedicated father, but if you were to ask him, his last role was the most important.","Craig: Please.","Steven: Albert told me time and time again how his son Craig was the greatest gift he'd ever received. A gift he cherished, a gift he never wanted to relinquish.","(Craig starts laughing loudly.)","Caitlin: Maybe Craig needs some air.","Steven: Most of us who knew Albert knew his dedication to helping others. This was why he was a great doctor and a great surgeon. We're gonna miss him.","(Craig keeps laughing as him and Joey walk outside.)","Craig: Can you believe that idiot? (Mimicking) Albert Manning was a dedicated father.","Joey: Craig you, you and your father had a complicated relationship.","Craig: Yeah! He beat me. Not gonna do that again now, is he? I'm happy Joey. I'm really happy 'cause he's dead. 'Cause he's gone for good.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In the hallway","Ashley: It was disturbing. The coffin's right there and Craig's laughing.","Ellie: Funerals are stressful. Weird things happen.","Craig: Ladies!","Ellie: Hey Craig.","Craig: Hey uh you ready for the Hawaiian surf paradise?","Ashley: Um sure. Can't wait.","(Ellie starts to take their picture.)","Craig: Hey save the film for tonight when Ash and I win the luau crown.","Ashley: You put us in the contest?!","Craig: Yeah this is our night. Everyone's gonna know it.","Ashley: Okay...","Craig: Great. I gotta go clean out my locker, but I'll see you later.","At the tanning salon","Employee: So you get in, pull the lid down, press the start button.","Spinner: Um wait. Do I really have to pull the lid down? 'Cause I'm kind of claustrophobic.","Employee: If you really want to tan, yeah.","(Spinner gets in and pulls the lid down.)","Spinner: You can do this. Okay. Okay.","(Spinner starts screaming and yelling.)","Paige: What was that?","(Spinner runs out into the waiting area.)","Spinner: Okay Paige I can't do it. I can't. I told you I was claustrophobic.","Paige: Spinner! Can I at least have my turn now?","Spinner: No! I'm scared. I want to go.","Paige: I'll tan my way. You tan yours, okay?","(She hands him some tanning spray and the magazine she was looking at.)","Employee: Follow me.","At Joey's","Joey: Craig? Oh you got the big dance tonight.","Craig: Yeah. Oh I hope you don't mind, but I borrowed one of your old shirts.","Joey: Knock yourself out. Hey listen before you go to Aruba, I wanted to uh-","Craig: Hawaii.","Joey: Right. Um look I hate to bring this up, but we have to go over what you're gonna say tomorrow with Children's Aid.","Craig: Now?","Joey: Yeah if that's okay.","Craig: Um just I'm just a bit distracted, you know? Ashley, the dance...You don't think I should go, do you?","Joey: No I do. I think it's great you're trying to have fun Craig, but-","Craig: But what?! I'm fine.","Joey: No one is fine after losing someone. I wasn't with your mom. I just think the pain is gonna catch up to you.","Craig: I've got a dance to go to. At the dance","Toby: Ladies and gentlemen step right up. Cast your vote for Degrassi luau king and queen. Thanks for your vote. Step right up and vote for luau king and queen.","Jimmy: Aloha. Welcome to Degrassi Island. Don't forget to vote for your luau king and queen, Jimmy and Hazel. Aloha. Don't forget to vote for your luau king and queen, Jimmy and Hazel. Aloha and-","(Jimmy sees Paige and Spinner and starts laughing at their tans.)","Jimmy: Welcome to Degrassi Island.","Paige: What are you laughing at? Your lame attempt at stealing our votes?","Jimmy: Red I don't have to steal anything tonight, but hey maybe Spin can try.","Spinner: Dude, like ancient history.","(Paige and Spinner start dancing together.)","Paige: Spin! Spin if you want to win stop doing that robot thing.","(Liberty and JT toast drinks, Sean and Emma do the limbo, and Marco and Ellie are sitting together laughing while she takes pictures.)","Craig: Goth luau, cool.","Ashley: I thought it'd set us apart.","Craig: And you know keep your dignity intact, until we start to limbo of course.","Mr. Simpson: Guys! The time has come. Votes are in for the luau king and queen. Oh and uh, thanks to Toby Isaacs and Kendra Mason for all their hard work on this. And the winner is from grade 9, Ashley Kerwin and Craig Manning!","(Everyone starts cheering for them as they go up and get their crowns. Craig looks out at everyone and sees his father.)","Craig: Dad? Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad look. Look! Look I won!","(He walks over to a teacher and taps him on the shoulder.)","Craig: Sorry Mr. Boyd. I thought you were...","(He starts backing away, takes off his crown and runs into the hall.)","Ashley: Where have you been? They're waiting for our dance. Craig, are you okay?","Craig: I'm fine. I'm just really tired.","Ashley: I knew coming here was a mistake.","Craig: What?","Ashley: It's too soon. You should be home.","Craig: Could you like revel in this any more? Miss, miss goth, miss doom and gloom!","Ashley: That's not fair. I'm just concerned about you.","Craig: Well I'm sick of you and everyone just being concerned.","Ashley: Craig!","(Craig starts ripping down the huge poster in the hallway as everyone watches, then he runs down the hall.)","Mr. Raditch: Let him cool down. Everyone back in the dance. I'll check in on Craig in a minute.","(Terri goes to find Craig.)","Craig: What's wrong with me?","Terri: Nothing. You're angry and you're sad.","Craig: This was supposed to be my night. I'm with Ash for the stupid luau king and queen.","Terri: When my mom died I was at my friend's birthday party. I was having a great time and then my dad came to tell me.","Craig: At the party?","Terri: Yeah. I was so mad.","Craig: 'Cause she died.","Terri: No, 'cause I couldn't play pin the tail on the donkey.","Craig: That's a fun game when you're a little kid.","Terri: Exactly. It wasn't until later that it hit that, that she was dead.","Craig: Before my dad died I wanted him gone, so why am I crying now that he is?","Terri: 'Cause you love him.","(Craig starts crying, Mr. Raditch sees them in the hallway and leaves them alone.)","Back in the dance","Paige: I'm worried about coming in 8th place in some stupid luau contest and poor Craig is having a breakdown. Can we say shallow?","Hazel: Shallow.","Jimmy: Well Paige isn't the only freak.","(Jimmy takes out his Kleenex and sneezes.)","Spinner: Dude, what plague do you have?","Jimmy: I think it's these flowers. I'm allergic to them.","(He takes the lei off and tosses it aside.)","Paige: At least you don't have radioactive skin or a pumpkin for a date.","Jimmy: Pumpkin and the dress.","Ellie: Oh losers!","(She takes their picture.)","Ellie: I'd say yearbook. Front cover.","At the entrance of the dance, Ashley is about to leave","Craig: Going somewhere?","Ashley: Are you?","Craig: Soon. I'm gonna go home. I think we owe everyone a dance.","(He takes her hand and they start walking to the dance floor.)","Craig: You can ask.","(They start dancing.)","Ashley: Ask what?","Craig: How I'm doing. I won't go psycho.","Ashley: How are you doing Craig?","Craig: Better."],"Show Title":"Degrassi Next Generation","Episode Number":"02x22","Episode Title":"Tears are not Enough Part 2","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Degrassi_Next_Generation_05x05.json","Recap":["Downtown Sasquatch has a wedding gig, and Craig decides to put all of his focus on the music, but things get complicated when Manny and Ellie vie for Craig's attention. Meanwhile, Joey has a date with the bride's sister but wonders if he's too old for her when he overhears her friends gossiping about him."],"Transcript":["In Craig's garage, the band is practicing","Craig: (Singing) Well somebody better stop me 'cause my feet don't touch the ground. I can't keep my hands off of you and there's nothing I can do-","(The sound is really off and Craig gives them a weird look.)","Craig: (Singing) I can't keep my hands off of you.","Craig: Alright stop. Stop! Jimmy, look unless your last name is Hendrix and you've come back to rock us from the grave. No solos while I'm singing!","Marco: We're never gonna get a wedding job.","Craig: No. No we will and, and every cent we earn we'll spend on recording gear. We'll be able to cut our own record.","Jimmy: Look the music you have us playing is lame and wedding bands are lame, ergo you're lame.","Craig: No, your funk guitar is lame! If you learned...","(All three guys start arguing with each other.)","Ellie: Okay what's lame is sitting around and criticizing, unless you have a better idea.","Jimmy: Weddings are gigs I guess.","(A car horn is honked.)","Jimmy: That's my dad.","Marco: Uh yeah Jimmy, is it cool if I get a ride with you?","Jimmy: Yeah.","(Jimmy and Marco leave.)","Craig: Thanks for backing me up El.","Ellie: I like playing with you. The band, I mean. I've really learnt a lot.","Craig: It shows. Your drumming's tight.","Ellie: Not on that last number.","Craig: Alright. I wanna give you a little lesson in funk drumming. In funk it's all about the AXmp. So it's like...","(He starts making noises with his mouth and Ellie joins in with the drums.)","Craig: Yeah you gotta feel it.","At Jeremiah Motors","Joey: Well there are a few options in your price range. There's this little baby right here. It's got style, performance. It's an all-in-one cool little package.","Diane: Uh my ex boyfriend said I shouldn't buy an import.","Joey: Well I have to question the wisdom of any man stupid enough to let you go. The man's obviously a fool.","Diane: No I am. I'm the one who put his band up to play my sister's wedding this weekend before he dumped me and fell off the face of the earth.","Joey: So you're looking for a wedding band?","(Craig overhears and walks over quickly.)","Craig: I have a band. We can do weddings.","Joey: Diane this is Craig. He's a musician, carhop and shameless self promoter.","Diane: I swear every other band in the city is booked. I'm scrambling.","Joey: Well if it's alright with you, you could come by the house tomorrow night, you can get the band audition for you and I can talk you into an import.","Diane: Over a glass of wine?","Joey: Yeah. It's a deal.","Diane: I'll call you.","Joey: Alright.","(She leaves and Joey watches her go.)","Joey: Who's the man?","Craig: You are Joey.","Joey: That's right.","At school","Craig: What are the odds? Just when we need our first gig, this girl walks right onto the lot. It's like someone up there wants us to play a wedding.","Marc: The god of mediocrity?","Jimmy: Downtown Sasquatch go forth and play the chicken dance.","Marco: So the other night you and Ellie?","Craig: What? We rehearsed some more. We did some hardcore funking.","Marco: You hear the words coming out of your mouth? Whatever. We hung out, we watched a DVD.","Marco: Okay. Which one? Craig Intentions? How Craig Got His Groove Back?","Craig: 90% of my issues in life... girls, girls, girls.","Marco: True.","Craig: So this year I'm a monk. Just school and the band. No distractions. No drama.","Marco: Good. Well then good thing you put the cutest girl in school on drums.","Craig: Maybe you didn't hear me.","(Some random girl walks by and touches Craig's shoulder.)","Random girl: Hi.","Craig: Hey.","(He walks into a door.)","Marco: No distractions eh bud?","In the hallway","JT: Liberty wait up. How have you been feeling? Are you still repulsed by the concept of breakfast? Are you ever gonna talk to me again? Okay whatever if there's something I can do for you, anything at all, I'll do it.","Liberty: You can mangle your male parts in a tragic industrial accident.","(Liberty walks away from him.)","In the cafeteria, Manny walks by Spinner and Darcy sitting together","Manny: Hey Spinner, Darcy.","Peter: Hey Manny have a seat.","(She keeps walking and he follows her.)","Peter: Can we just call it water under the bridge? My mother's having me on lockdown for weeks.","Manny: Please.","Peter: I'm not finished.","(He pushes Manny against the lockers and Craig walks over and pushes Peter against the lockers.)","Craig: I think you are. You don't talk to her, you don't even look at her ever again or you deal with me. Clear?","Peter: Crystal.","(Peter leaves and Craig grabs Manny's hand.)","Craig: Let's get out of here.","Outside the school, Manny is eating a sandwich","Craig: You okay?","Manny: Simpson's a big fan of mayo. It's like glob-ular.","Craig: Are you okay in a bigger sense?","Manny: Didn't you see the video? You know me, lots of vodka, little clothing?","Craig: No, I, I didn't, I missed it. Okay I did, but I closed it really quickly.","Manny: Please let me die.","Craig: Who cares that I saw it?","Manny: I do, okay? You're you.","Craig: Is it weird to say that I wish I was there that night? Stop that freak from filming you.","Manny: No it's not weird. It makes me feel better. Like you're my protector.","Craig: What are friends for right? At Craig and Ellie's meeting","Leader: So Craig tell us what's been going on with you.","Craig: Well Ellie and I have an audition tonight for uh, a wedding gig.","(Everyone starts clapping for them.)","Craig: So I'm good. I'm feeling good. I'm happy. You guys have seen me down in the depths so it's good to be coming out the other side feeling strong, but I gotta say I'd be nowhere without that girl over there. Ellie's been incredible. Thanks. Thank you.","At Joey's house","Craig: Joey that's what you're wearing?","Joey: My leisure suit's at the cleaners.","Craig: In case you didn't know there's an insanely hot woman who's gonna be over here in oh, twenty minutes!","Joey: I'm aware.","Craig: What happened to you? You were all over her yesterday.","Joey: I know and then I found out that Diane is 23. I'm 34 Craig. What am I gonna do with a 23 year old?","Craig: Do you need me to draw you a diagram?","(Joey laughs and Craig brings him a jacket to wear.)","Joey: What? Aw come on! What about you, huh? That uh Ellie girl seems kinda cute.","Craig: She's cute. She's a friend. She's a friend who happens to be a girl. She's um, a friend-girl if you will.","Joey: Uh yeah take it from someone who knows, there ain't no such thing.","In Craig's garage","Craig: Okay uh thanks for coming down to audition us Diane. We're Downtown Sasquatch.","(The band starts playing.)","Craig: (Singing) Everybody, got a secret. Party people, getting down. But somebody better stop me 'cause my feet don't touch the ground.","Everyone: (Singing) I can't keep my hands off of you and there's nothing I can do. I can't keep my hands off of you.","(Diane and Joey walk into the house, while the band is still practicing.)","Diane: They're almost too cool for my sister.","Joey: Well I'm just happy that you were able to replace your ex's band. I guess you uh must still be reeling from that, the break-up I mean.","Diane: I don't think so. Who needs 200 pounds of idiot drooling on them all the time? Nope. Done, over.","Joey: And you can just get over someone so quickly, all 200 pounds?","Diane: It's just the way I am. I know what I want and I act on it.","Joey: Life's too short. Cheers.","(They clink glasses.)","Diane: Ooh gotta go. Rehearsal dinner. So not looking forward to this wedding. There's nothing quite so depressing as being dateless in a bridesmaid's dress.","(He helps her put on her jacket.)","Diane: Thank you.","Joey: Well uh, if you need a date I happen to know a nice, single guy who matches most dresses.","Diane: Well if you happen to speak to him tell him Diane wants him to be her date and to call her tomorrow.","Joey: Okay.","(Joey walks her to the door.)","Joey: Bye.","At the Dot, Spinner is on the phone in the background","Spinner: (On the phone) Darcy what are you doing on Sunday? Yeah I know you have church! What about after?","Marco: Hey uh Jimmy and I, we're gonna jet so I'll see you later.","Craig: Wait! we're celebrating.","Marco: No we're studying. You're celebrating.","(Craig gives Marco a weird look and sits down across from Ellie.)","Ellie: Your drum lesson, so great. I just wanted to say thanks.","Craig: I should thank you for saving the band and backing me up all the time.","Ellie: Well I've heard you say a lot in group, about needing people. I think we all do sometimes.","(The bell on the door rings.)","Craig: Manny, hey over here! Join us.","Manny: I didn't want to interrupt. Are you sure you guys don't want any privacy?","Craig: Who needs privacy? We're all friends here right?","Ellie: Right. Friends-city!","[SCENE_BREAK]","At the mall","Marco: So Craigs! Anything you want to share with your best friend in the whole world?","Craig: I thought Ellie was your best friend.","Marco: Ellie, Ellie, who's Ellie...? Oh yeah! She's that cute, smart, funny girl. The one you had a date with last night.","Craig: It wasn't a date. Monks don't date. It was friends hanging out. Matter of fact, my other friend Manny joined us.","Marco: Cue the romantic train wreck.","Craig: We're gonna need some help tonight.","(They bump into Joey who is about to buy some condoms.)","Craig: Joey, hey what are you doing here? Oh.","Joey: I was just getting these um...","Craig and Marco: Prophylactics!","Marco: Yeah.","Joey: Yeah Marco. That's exactly what I'm doing 'cause uh well you gotta be safe right? Um so you guys remember that okay? No glove, no love.","Craig: Ew.","Outside Craig's garage, Marco and Craig are carrying an amp","Marco: You're killing me man. This thing is way too heavy.","(Jimmy whistles at Ellie walking towards them dressed up.)","Ellie: Need a hand?","(Craig stares at her and drops the case on Marco's foot.)","Marco: Ow! My toe!","Craig: Sorry, sorry. I got distracted.","(Marco sees Manny walk over.)","Marco: Craig. Craig. Check it out.","Manny: Hi guys. Ellie.","Craig: Uh I invited Manny along. I thought we might need an extra hand.","Ellie: Yeah very practical roadie costume.","At the wedding, everything is being set up","Craig: Why, why must they be so hot?","Marco: Uh you're not supposed to find your friends hot.","Craig: It's not my fault. I'm not the one who showed up looking like that!","Marco: What? You said you were gonna be a monk.","Craig: The monk is tired of the monastery okay? The monastic life just wasn't for him and now I have no idea what to do.","(Ellie is setting things up and Manny is checking her makeup.)","Ellie: Hey if you're here to do things, you should do things.","Manny: There's nothing else to do, unless...","(She pulls out the tambourine.)","Manny: Craig loves my tambourine.","Ellie: Yeah. We don't need any low rent pop tarts in our band.","Manny: Well they do say there should be at least one attractive girl in every band.","(She flips her hair and walks away as Jimmy watches in amusement.)","Ellie: Oh you're not calling me ugly!","During the wedding reception","Diane: Girls, this is Joey. Joey these are my friends, Mia and Catherine.","Friend 1: Hi.","Diane: Joey has his own business.","Joey: Yeah I'm a sales representative for previously loved vehicles.","(He and Diane laugh as the two girls look at him weirdly.)","Joey: I'm a used car salesman. Uh you might have seen my commercial. Give you the shirt off my back?","(He pretends to rip his shirt off while Diane laughs and her friends give him a weird look, then start laughing.)","Friend 1: Oh my god. You so had us going there for a second. The guy in the Jeremiah Motors ad is so cheese-ball.","Craig: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. We're Downtown Sasquatch.","Diane: Let's dance.","Joey: Oh no, no.","Diane: Come on. It'll be fun!","Joey: You really don't want to see me dance!","Craig: (Singing) Everybody, got a secret. Party people getting down. Well somebody better stop me 'cause my feet don't touch the ground.","(Joey starts dancing wildly and Diane sees her friends laughing at them.)","Diane: Relax. Dance with me.","Joey: These are some of my best moves! Yeah that's right. Oh yeah! Oh yeah!","Everyone in the band: (Singing) I can't keep my hands off of you and there's nothing I can do. I can't keep my hands off of you.","Craig: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Jimmy Brooks.","(Jimmy goes into a guitar solo and Craig walks over to Manny.)","Craig: Come on.","Manny: I can't. I can't!","Craig: Come on!","(Manny starts dancing on the stage (maybe she can become an exotic dancer when she's older since she already has experience taking off her top!) and Ellie rolls her eyes)","Diane: You are a dancing machine Mr. Jeremiah and you are wearing me out.","Joey: My dad's name is Mr. Jeremiah.","Diane: I'm parched.","Joey: Well then, why don't I get us a drink. I'll be right back.","(He kisses her on the cheek and she fans herself as he walks over to the bar.)","Joey: Hi can I get two red wines please? Uh no wait! Whiskey sours are hipper. Two whiskey sours.","(Joey sees Diane's friends and overhears them talking about him.)","Friend 2: Unless Diane's rebounding majorly, I don't see any excuse.","Friend 1: I was trying to come up with a way to describe his dancing and all I could think of was spastic donkey.","Friend 2: What's up with that donkey? He's totally robbing the cradle.","Friend 1: No Diane is totally robbing the grave.","Joey: Uh Diane I'm not feeling well. Um it just, it came on suddenly.","Diane: Did you catch something?","Joey: Thank you for the dance.","(He kisses her cheek and leaves.)","Everyone in the band: (Singing) Step on down. Move it all around. Shake your body to this funky sound. Step on down. Move it all around. Shake you body to this funky sound. Listen to me. It's so easy. Get together...","(Ellie throws a drumstick at Manny and the music stops.)","Manny: Did you just throw a drumstick at my head?","Ellie: You could feel it through all that hairspray? Amazing!","Craig: Uh we apologize. We're experiencing technical difficulties. We'll be back for our next set in twenty. Thank you so much!","(Ellie and Manny leave in different directions and Craig turns to Marco.)","Craig: What do I do?","Marco: Oh, well I'm actually too busy enjoying not being you.","(Craig runs off after Ellie.)","Craig: Ellie wait! What the hell's going on?!","Ellie: You tell me! You're the one who called her. You're the one who sat there drooling over her all night like some perv! And this, this isn't me okay? I don't dress up.","Craig: I'm flattered...?","Ellie: Don't be! This is for the gig. This doesn't mean anything.","Craig: Ellie. We do group together. You've seen me down in the gutter. Lower than low. Lower than I want anyone else to see me. That's why you're my friend. My really good friend.","Ellie: So glad I can be there for you.","(She starts walking away.)","Craig: Ellie!","Ellie: Bye. See you in group.","At Joey's house","Craig: Hey. You took off last night. What happened?","Joey: Let's just say the date ended early.","(Joey eats some of Angie's food.)","Angie: Hey that's mine!","Joey: How was the gig?","Craig: Let's just say the gig ended early.","(They hear the doorbell ring.)","Craig: I'll tell you about it later.","Joey: Diane. What are you doing here?","Diane: In your rush to bail last night you forgot your hideous favour.","(Joey laughs and she hands him the wedding favour.)","Diane: Don't laugh. I spent weeks making those nasty things.","Joey: This is pretty hideous. It's uh almost as bad as me on the dance floor.","Diane: Joey I like the way you dance.","Joey: Diane I feel the need to remind you that I'm a 34 year old single dad who owns a used car lot. I have a house I don't even own...","(She leans in and kisses him.)","Diane: And I'm a 23 year old girl who's tired of dating boys. A girl who wants a cute, sweet, dependable guy who really makes her laugh. A girl who also makes a killer Florentine omelette. Can I come in?","(She walks in and Joey smiles.)","Outside Emma's house, Manny is wearing her pyjamas looking at a magazine","Manny: As if it wasn't embarrassing enough last night now you have to see me with my jammies on. I'm sorry I ruined your gig.","Craig: The Squatch isn't cut out for weddings. Funerals maybe.","Manny: Despite the freak show, I had fun. It was nice of you to invite me.","Craig: I had ulterior motives. Ever since that video came out things have sucked for you, so I wanted to cheer you up, make you smile again.","Manny: What are friends for right?","(Craig leans in and starts kissing her.)","Scenes for next week","Jimmy: (To the camera) They say I'm gonna be a basketball star after all, so why do I keep blowing it?","Announcer: The national wheelchair sports association likes a competitive edge.","(Jimmy is shown playing wheelchair basketball.)","Scout: Tryouts are Wednesday.","(Jimmy shakes hands with the scout.)","Jimmy: Thank you.","Voiceover: Jimmy the athlete is back and Jimmy the artist is emerging.","Ellie: (Looking at his drawings) These are really good.","Voiceover: Is there room for both?","Jimmy: (To Hazel) I've changed."],"Show Title":"Degrassi Next Generation","Episode Number":"05x05","Episode Title":"Weddings, Parties, Anything","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Degrassi_Next_Generation_05x16.json","Recap":["Emma's downward spiral continues as her dangerous diet turns into a full-blown eating disorder, and it could have dire consequences for her as her loved ones come together to help her. Meanwhile Alex and Hazel try playing nice for Paige, who is tired them being at each other's throats."],"Transcript":["At Emma's house","(Mr. Simpson is fixing the sink and water sprays him in the face.)","Mr. Simpson: Ah! Fruit salad!","Manny: Um Mr. Simpson can you keep it down? It's long distance with Craig.","Spike: You haven't let me brush your hair since you were ten.","Emma: I wish I was ten. You don't have a time machine do you?","Spike: I'm afraid I don't kiddo.","Emma: When did it all get so complicated?","Spike: Hey. Serious McMopey, do you know how boring life would be if it were simple? Right? Hello? Are you there?","Emma: I'm here mom. I'm just worried about exams and stuff, okay?","Spike: Okay.","(Emma looks at her phone and there's a message from Peter telling her to go meet him.)","At the park","(Emma is blindfolded and Peter is leading her to a picnic area that he set up.)","Emma: Where are we going?","Peter: Just follow me. I'm sorry I can't see you at school, so uh this is my way of making it up to you. I bring you all the comfort foods. Potato salad, um fried chicken, chocolate cake. You feeling okay? You look kind of sick.","Emma: Yeah I'm fine. I just, I can't believe you'd do this for me. It's so...sexy.","(They start kissing.)","Peter: Who knew potato salad was such an aphrodisiac?","Emma: Shut up.","(Emma starts kissing him and purposefully knocks over the picnic basket.)","Emma: Leave it. I wasn't hungry anyway.","(They start making out on the picnic table.)","In science class","Mr. Ellis: Okay heads up everybody. Today we got Liberty talking frogs. It will be most fascinating I'm sure. Alright take it away Liberty.","Liberty: Of course Mr. Ellis. I'll begin with the female reproductive system.","Mr. Ellis: Ah hint, hint. This just might be on your year end test.","(Liberty begins her presentation and Manny hits Emma to keep her awake.)","Emma: Ow. Manny!","Manny: You're falling asleep during class and by the way your hands are colder than my Nana's, at her funeral.","Emma: I have poor circulation.","(Manny pokes Emma again.)","Emma: Why did you do that?","Manny: Because you've been weird and distant for weeks and I'm getting tired of it.","Emma: Well I'm tired of you being Needy McNeedersons all the time. Sorry I have a life. Sorry I've got stuff going on that you wouldn't understand.","Manny: Like what?","Emma: Like...nothing. Just drop it.","Manny: Woah. Are you getting your attitude from these things? Protein bars? They're all you eat lately. Are they even safe?","Emma: I get them at a health food store.","Mr. Ellis: Ms. Nelson!","Emma: Um yeah. Sorry sir.","Mr. Ellis: I hope you are back there whispering about adrenal glands.","Emma: Absolutely. Gland central over here.","Mr. Ellis: Good because if you don't ace your year end exam, I'll be seeing you in summer school.","In the foyer","Alex: Oh my god.","Paige: Will someone please send Heather Sinclair a memo that belly shirts are out?","Alex: As if they were ever a good idea for Ms. Tellatubbie anyways.","Paige: Alex you're like the vinegary dressing on the dull salad of my life.","Alex: And hearing the word dull, Hazel magically appears.","Paige: Hi hon.","Hazel: Hey Paige. Anything exciting in your mailbox?","Paige: It's very lonely. Filled only with the sound of my increasing panic.","Alex: Gosh if I don't get into the university or sorority of my choice I'll just die!","Hazel: See you in bio.","Alex: Hope the lesson's about becoming interesting on the cellular level 'cause Hazel really needs it.","Paige: Everything's always a game to you.","Alex: Keep's life interesting.","Paige: Well some things do actually matter. Some people matter, at least to me. Hazel's one of them and you need to be nicer to her. In the hallway","Manny: Between studying and planning the end of the year extravaganza, I barely have time to breathe. How about you? How's the environmental club?","Emma: Kinda lost interest.","Manny: What? You're telling me you don't care about those poor, starving dolphins in the rainforest?","Emma: They're not starving, they're not in the rainforest, and yes I still care. I'm just focussed on other stuff.","Manny: Like what? Jogging?","Emma: And other stuff.","Peter: Hey Emma. Manny. This is Brendan, one of the kids I tutor. I'll meet you back here at 3:30?","Manny: I didn't know you tutored.","Peter: Well my mom asked and I thought why not. Everyone needs a helping hand.","Manny: How nice of you. So what's your favourite thing to teach? Grammar, composition, getting girls drunk and filming them with their tops off?","Peter: That one's not in the curriculum.","Manny: Didn't think so. Quit the hero act Peter. You're not fooling anyone. We all know you're scum.","(Emma stands there silently.)","Manny: Em! We're gonna be late for gym.","In the media immersion lab","(Tons of pictures of Hazel and Paige are being shown on the computer.)","Toby: We can't just fill the yearbook with pictures of you two, you know. We've got to represent the whole school.","Hazel: Paige and I? We're the school.","Toby: Yeah. There's a convincing argument.","(Alex walks in and sits down.)","Hazel: Sorry Alex. You actually have to participate to get in the yearbook.","Alex: And the vicious insult club doesn't count?","Hazel: What do you want?","Alex: I think we should hang out.","Hazel: Uh sarcasm association doesn't get you into the yearbook either.","Alex: We don't have to be best friends or even friends. I'll settle for acquaintances. Acquaintances who don't kill each other. So what do you say? Why don't we all go out? Get loaded, get into some trouble.","Toby: I could do up some fake ID's. Take you ladies on a pub crawl.","Alex: Nice try.","Hazel: Or we could go shopping. You, me and Paige at the mall. There's a big sale on!","Alex: You're really gonna make me work for this, aren't you?","Hazel: You bet. See you at 4:30!","(Alex leaves and flicks Toby's ear on her way out.)","In gym class, Emma is wearing a huge sweat suit","Manny: Let me guess. You went to visit Shaquille O'Neal and all you got was his running suit?","Emma: Shaq is ginormous.","Manny: Uh yeah Em. That's the joke.","Mr. Armstrong: Okay girls, as you can see we're rotating stations so let's group up.","Darcy: Emma it's like a gabillion degrees in here.","Emma: I'm kinda cold is all.","Chante: You're kinda whacked is all.","Darcy: Oh no, I think I see an extra ounce over here on your right cheek.","Chante: Call weight watchers, a 911!","Emma: You think it's fun to laugh at the tub of lard?! It's not! I know what's wrong so you can stop pointing it out!","Darcy: You're so not fat Emma. We were just joking.","Chante: Are you okay?","Emma: Of course. I'm fine. I just don't want to be here today.","(Emma runs out of the gym.)","Mr. Armstrong: Emma?","At the mall","Hazel: I'm having a fashion flash-forward.","Paige: Cute. Sassy mix of conservative colour and edgy military.","Alex: It's grey. Paige hates grey. What about this?","Hazel: No offence, but I don't think you're ready for the big leagues. Can you even afford those clothes?","Paige: Hazel!","Hazel: I'm sorry, but fashion isn't exactly what Alex's type does well.","Alex: My type? Lesbian you mean?","Hazel: No. The style-impaired.","Paige: Ladies. Please just chill. Hazel this shrunken blazer, it so has your name on it.","Alex: I think it might be a little too shrunken for Hazel's body type. Gimme.","Hazel: You in a blazer? Spare me.","Alex: Do I detect jealousy? Tell me how long have you wanted to kiss Paige?","Hazel: Gross. That's your thing. Not mine.","Paige: Guys stop it! You're embarrassing me.","Hazel: And BTW, Paige used to be straight until you came along and turned her gay.","Alex: What? Okay you know what? I'm sorry. I'm through with playing nice.","Hazel: Couldn't pull off for very long, huh? Big surprise.","(Alex throws the blazer and her and Hazel start throwing clothes at each other until the security guard comes over.)","Hazel: She started it!","Alex: No I didn't. Paige? Paige?","(Alex looks and Paige is gone.)","Outside, Emma and Peter are jogging","Emma: Going too fast for you gramps? I'll slow down so you don't have to trail behind.","Peter: Aw, but I like trailing behind you. That way I get to enjoy the view.","(He leans in to kiss her and she pulls away.)","Emma: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.","Peter: Aw your jogging breath is fine.","Emma: No I mean this. Us.","Peter: Just when I thought we were finally getting somewhere.","Emma: I want to go out with you Peter. I really do, but-","Peter: It's Manny. Webmaster of the 'Peter Stone Must Die' website. Why does she still hate me so much?","Emma: Forgiveness is not Manny's forte. Believe me she's like the five time winner of the golden grudge.","Peter: Well then, then why does she have to know? It could be our little secret.","Emma: No! You don't understand. This is all confusing and messy and complicated and I can't do it anymore, okay?! Sorry.","Peter: Well me too! This sucks.","Emma: You think you're the only one that's unhappy, well join the club Peter! I've got a huge pile of worries over here by myself, okay?!","Peter: Are you alright?","Emma: No! I have to go.","At Emma's house","(Emma walks downstairs and Manny hands her a sandwich.)","Manny: Here. Eat this.","Emma: I don't have time for your girl interrupted today.","Manny: I found your food diary. You're not eating and those protein bars, they're props. You're hiding them.","Emma: That's not true. You're making it up.","Manny: (Reading) I haven't lost weight in 3 days. I run twice as much and still nothing.","Emma: Stop it.","Manny: (Reading) I can't eat. My body makes me sick. It's rebelling against me, just like everyone else.","Emma: Give that back!","Manny: I bet Spike would love to read this.","Emma: Manny no! I'm dating Peter.","Manny: What?","Emma: You heard me. I'm dating Peter. That's why I'm like this. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I'm stressed 24\/7 because I'm so scared of you finding out. Now you know.","Manny: Take your stupid diary. I don't care anymore. You do whatever you want 'cause we're through. I'm sleeping on the couch and tomorrow we can talk about me going home.","Emma: Fine.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Outside the school","Peter: I got your messages. What's the big news?","Emma: Why don't I show you? Come on.","(Emma pulls him in front of the school and kisses him.)","Emma: I told Manny everything. We're legit.","Peter: And she's okay with it?","Emma: Well that's sort of the problem and speak of the devil.","Manny: Wow. Look at the happy couple.","Emma: Manny save the drama for your next audition. We're not interested.","Manny: Fine. I just wanna wish Peter good luck.","Peter: Thanks I guess.","Manny: You're gonna need it. Maybe you can keep track of whether or not she's eating, 'cause I'm done.","(Manny leaves.)","Peter: What is she talking about?","Emma: I don't know Peter. She's completely crazy.","(Emma sees Mr. Simpson and Mr. Armstrong talking about her.)","Emma: Come on. We have some flaunting to do.","In the cafeteria","Alex: Your favourite. I went and picked it up after security let us go.","Paige: I'm not talking to you.","Alex: I had to go all the way to Mississauga to get it, on transit.","Paige: Uh how much?","Cafeteria worker: $2.16 please.","Paige: $2.20.","Cafeteria worker: Here's your change.","Alex: I tried. That's got to count for something.","Paige: Have a great day. Thanks.","Alex: I just care about you.","Paige: Great job showing it. At the Dot, Peter and Emma are toasting their relationship","Peter: To us. Completely official for all the world to see.","Emma: Yay us.","(The waitress brings their food.)","Peter: Could we get some...ketchup. We need ketchup.","(Peter gets up and Emma puts a bunch of fries in her pocket, pretending she ate them.)","Peter: Woah. Now that is impressive.","Emma: What can I say, I'm a healthy growing girl?","Outside","Peter: Something's missing here.","Emma: You're so mysterious.","Peter: No I just thought with us coming out there'd be like a marching band or something. Maybe a blimp with our name on it.","(He leans in to hug her and she pulls away.)","Emma: Hey not feeling so huggable right now.","Peter: Emma you got fries in your pocket.","Emma: It's just a little snack for later.","Peter: Cold french fries from your pocket? That's a little weird.","Emma: Not really. Haven't you seen Napoleon Dynamite? Come on. I'm just like a little squirrel.","Peter: Sure. Uh I got to get to class. See ya.","At Alex's locker","Hazel: Paige isn't talking to me.","Alex: Me neither.","Hazel: Well I happen to be upset about it.","Alex: So do I. I do have feelings you know.","Hazel: And when Paige gets upset-","Alex: Tell me about it. She's the stubbornest person I ever knew.","Hazel: Oh me too and if you really want to know how bad a freeze out can get, phone Ashley Kerwin up!","Alex: We could try playing nice again.","Hazel: Again?","Alex: We could try playing nice period.","Hazel: If we go for hot beverages, promise not to scald me?","Alex: Just as long as you promise to leave your cyanide at home.","(They shake hands in agreement.)","In a classroom","Manny: So you all have your schedules? Next meeting's Tuesday.","(Peter walks in.)","Manny: What do you want?","Peter: Show you something.","Manny: Good for you Peter. Learning to read is very important.","Peter: Hiding food, baggy clothes, mood swings, paranoia. These are all possible symptoms of anorexia nervosa.","Manny: I'll talk to her mom.","Peter: No, we'll talk to her mom. Hate me all you want, Emma's my girlfriend. You can't stop me from helping her. Don't even try.","At the mall food court","Hazel: So.","Alex: So.","Paige: What is this?","Hazel: Paige-likers club. Alex is trying to get into the yearbook.","Paige: And the fighting begins when?","Hazel: We've signed a peace treaty.","Alex: We also bought you a treat.","Hazel: We even went Dutch to pay for it.","Paige: So you know, you guys made me really mad and I refuse to be the monkey in the middle.","Alex: That's fine. As long as you're talking monkey 'cause we're a little stuck for conversation.","Paige: Okay. Let's uh start with how many calories are in this beverage. I always order no whip.","Hazel: Told you so Alex. Paige doesn't eat sweets.","Alex: That's a lie.","Paige: Shut up.","Alex: You had three pieces of chocolate cheesecake last weekend.","Paige: It was our two month anniversary. Oops. My spoon slipped.","Alex: Oops. So did mine.","(The girls start flinging whipped cream at each other while laughing.)","At Emma's house","Emma: What's going on?","Spike: Come sit down here honey. Manny and Peter came here because they're worried about you.","Mr. Simpson: And it's not just them. Your teachers told me you're having trouble at school.","Emma: They're lying.","Mr. Simpson: No they're not Emma. We want you to go talk to someone. A therapist about why you're not eating.","Emma: I am eating. There's nothing wrong.","Peter: You're hiding food.","Manny: You've got major psycho mood swings.","Spike: You're just not you. We're worried.","Emma: And you guys are all so perfect. You take advantage of drunk girls, you are the drunk girl and last time I checked you were making out with his mother.","Mr. Simpson: Emma you need to calm down.","Emma: No I need to get out of here.","(Manny blocks the door.)","Manny: You can't go Emma, please. We need to get you help.","Emma: You did this! You told them! This is all your fault Manny!","(Emma rushes downstairs and starts throwing Manny's clothes on the floor.)","Manny: What are you doing? That's my stuff!","Emma: Kicking your sorry butt out Manny, once and for all.","Manny: Please stop it!","Mr. Simpson: Emma please, please stop.","Emma: You're supposed to be my friend Manny! I can't even trust you!","Manny: I am! That's why I'm trying to help you!","(Emma starts gasping for air.)","Emma: I can't breathe. My chest. Manny something's happening.","(She falls onto the floor.)","Mr. Simpson: Woah Emma! Peter! Peter call 911 now!","(They all rush to her and Peter goes to call 911.)","In the mall security office","Paige: Nice ladies. Another night in the security office.","Alex: Think of it as mall detention!","Hazel: I shouldn't have dived over the counter for that whipped cream canister.","Alex: If only those German tourists hadn't gotten in the way!","Paige: I can't believe you think this is funny. It's pathetic.","Alex: Says the girl who was throwing biscotti pops!","(The security guard walks in and they start laughing again.)","Hazel: Ew!","At the hospital, Manny is holding Emma's hand when Spike walks in","Spike: Doctor said you had a panic attack.","Emma: Okay so I'm fine. It musta been a reaction to one of those protein bars. That's the last time I eat one of those nasty things.","(Emma starts to get up.)","Spike: Emma, you're not going anywhere.","Emma: But it was just a panic attack.","Spike: Brought on by starvation. A psychiatrist is coming to talk to you and she might diagnose you as anorexic.","Emma: I want to go home.","Spike: Honey you can't. You can't.","Manny: Em you have to stop. You have to stop or you're gonna die. You can't do that to me.","Emma: No one's gonna die, okay? I'm gonna try to beat this Manny. I'm gonna try to beat this.","Scenes for next week","Marco: (To the camera) Dylan is a selfish, reckless, immature jerk. So why can't I get over him?","Voiceover: An old flame is back in town.","Dylan: I still love you Marco.","Voiceover: And Marco's still hurting.","Paige: If you're so ready to move on, then why aren't you doing it?","Voiceover: Will he choose Dylan or has he found someone else?","(Tim is shown walking into the room with a shocked look on his face.)"],"Show Title":"Degrassi Next Generation","Episode Number":"05x16","Episode Title":"Our Lips Are Sealed Part 2","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Degrassi_Next_Generation_06x01.json","Recap":["Emma is happy being with Peter--that is, until Sean returns to town and enrolls at Degrassi for the upcoming school year. She soon finds herself drawn to Sean as he and Peter get caught up in the street-racing scene. Meanwhile, Marco grows overwhelmed when he has to juggle moving his stuff into his apartment with Dylan, choosing university courses with Ellie, and throwing Paige a going away party. Also, Ellie struggles to deal with her new roommate and writes an anonymous article about it for the school newspaper."],"Transcript":["At a restaurant, Peter and Emma are having lunch with Peter's dad","Emma: I just love it here. I mean the view is amazing.","Mr. Stone: My pleasure. Glad you could help us celebrate Pete's 17. That's an important day. Got to have your friends around.","Peter: Oh dad. The guy made a mistake. That's not your car.","Mr. Stone: You're right son. It's not. Happy birthday.","(He hands Peter the keys to a new car)","Peter: You're kidding!","Mr. Stone: Nope. Now I know your birthday's not for two days. Here, here, here. But I wanted you to have it for the first day of school.","(Peter hugs his dad excitedly)","Mr. Stone: You're welcome. Here let's take it for a spin.","(Peter's driving the car with Emma in the passenger seat )","Peter: I can't believe this car is mine. I'm the luckiest guy in the world.","(Peter and Emma kiss as Jay and Sean walk over)","Sean: Emma?","Emma: Sean? What are you doing here?","Sean: I moved back. I'm with Jay now.","Jay: Easy Brokeback Mountain. He means he's sleeping on my couch.","(Peter makes a coughing sound)","Emma: Oh Peter, this is Sean. Sean this is Peter, my boyfriend.","Sean: Oh. How's it going man?","Peter: So you're the Sean?","Sean: Guess so.","(Peter puts his arm around Emma)","Sean: Well see you guys at school tomorrow.","Emma: You're back at Degrassi?","Outside Degrassi, Toby, Liberty and JT are walking up to the school","JT: Well here we are. The first day of our last year. Thank Jehovah.","Liberty: The year that'll be the crowning achievement of my academic career.","Toby: I think I hear someone's valedictorian speech coming on.","(They walk past Jimmy and Spinner)","Jimmy. Check out our new classmates. Serious mathletes.","Spinner: Yeah. Good thing though 'cause with Marco gone, I gotta copy my tests off someone.","(Ashley walks over)","Jimmy: Looking fine Ms. Kerwin.","Ashley: Well you know somebody's got to make up for Spinner.","(Ashley playfully hits Spinner with her bag when he sees Darcy walking over)","Spinner: Hi queen bee. Spare some honey?","Darcy: For my king? Anytime.","(Darcy kisses Spinner on the cheek)","Darcy: After being away at bible camp the whole summer I'm so over it. Ready to take this place over, Spin?","Spinner: Ready as I'll never be.","In the parking lot, Peter is showing off his new car","Peter: Yo dudes, check out my whip!","Random guy: Yeah whatever.","Peter: I mean my car. Pretty fly huh?","(Some guys walk by laughing at him)","Peter: Ah thought a new ride would give me some props around here.","Manny: Maybe if you didn't say props. Kidding. I'm gonna go say hi to Sean's biceps.","Peter: Check out Mr. Stud. Degrassi's big-time heartthrob.","Emma: Please. Sean's got a tire iron for a brain.","Peter: Yeah well girls like biceps, not brains. You should know. You dated him for years.","Emma: Well I couldn't care less now. Not when I've got brains, biceps, beauty and a hot car all rolled up in one.","(They kiss)","Emma: I made you an early birthday present.","(Emma gives Peter a toque that she knitted)","Peter: You made this for me?","Emma: Uh huh.","Peter: Thanks. I don't know what to say.","Emma: Oh that I'm gorgeous, perfect and you'll love me forever.","Peter: Yes, yes and yes.","In Mr. Simpson's class","Mr. Simpson: Well as I live and breathe, Sean Cameron.","Sean: Mr. Simpson, it's really good to see you man.","(Manny goes over to Emma who's looking up Degrassi's social event planner online)","Manny: Social event planner. What happened to the real Emma Nelson?","Emma: She's thinking of the real Peter Stone. You know how hard it is for Peter to make friends, so I figured if he got more involved it would be easier.","(Manny is staring at Sean who is talking to Spinner)","Emma: You're so not listening to me.","Manny: Sean Cameron, bench-press has been so, so good to you.","Emma: I'm gonna tell Craig you said that.","Manny: Feel free if you can ever get him on the phone.","Mr. Simpson: Alright! Let me start off by saying welcome to the 12th grade. This is the start of the most important year for you guys in your high school lives.","(Emma and Sean stare at each other from across the room)","At Marco and Dylan's new apartment","Marco: What do you think about Medieval Lit: Monsters in the Mist?","Ellie: Mm no. Let's not take any courses where they make us read Beowulf. Ooh hockey art. Dylan's I presume?","Marco: Yup. You know if you moved in we could out vote him on matters of d\u98efr.","Dylan: I heard that!","Ellie: And when it comes to matters of leaving the toilet seat up, thank you no. Residence waiting shall remain my friend.","Paige: Okay I know Marco likes four sugars and Ellie takes her coffee black, like her soul.","Ellie: How I'll miss your cutting jibes when you leave for Banting, Paige. Not that I'm counting the days, but when?","Paige: Can you count to two? And to think that no one has thought of throwing me a going away party. Hint. Hint. Double hint.","Dylan: Uh Marco someone's supposed to be moving in here in two days. Hint, double hint.","Ellie: Funny 'cause someone's also supposed to be deciding on university courses with me.","Marco: Okay mom, dad, relax. I'm all over it, okay?","(He takes a sip of the coffee Paige hands him and makes a face)","Marco: Sweet mother Mary, this is mud!","Paige: Yeah your new roomie is java-ly challenged. Have a cookie.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Outside the school, Manny and Sean are talking while Peter and Emma are working on his car","Manny: She's pretty gorgeous, huh?","Sean: Yeah she is.","(Manny smacks Sean's arm)","Sean: Ow.","Manny: Don't even think about it. Emma's finally in a good place and she doesn't need you ruining it.","Sean: I wasn't planning on it.","Manny: I'm serious. Last year was non-stop Emma-drama-rama. This year she needs to be 100% stress free. Got it?","Sean: Yeah I got it.","(Emma and Peter are arguing about his car parts)","Emma: It doesn't fit.","Peter: Yeah, but it has to!","Sean: Woah! Hey Peter. Hold on a sec. What are you doing? You can't force the filter in like that. You'll never get a proper seal. Just trust me. This is what I do.","Peter: I was just trying to make it go faster.","Emma: It's already pretty fast. How much faster do you want?","Peter: As fast as humanly possibly.","Sean: You know if you want I can hook you up with real mods.","Peter: Yeah that'd be alright.","Sean: Yeah? Sweet. Alright well it all starts with more fuel. Once we do that, we can up your boost. This is what you need. Now I have to head to Woodbridge so meet me later.","Peter: Out where the street races are.","Emma: The illegal street races. Emphasis on illegal.","Sean: Come on. It's just a little fun. What you got against that?","Emma: Nothing. I'm all about fun. I love fun. In fact, if fun were people, I would be China.","Sean: Okay.","At Woodbridge, a bunch of people are hanging out when Peter, Emma and Manny drive up","Jay: Poindexter's in his daddy's car and he's waving at us. Explain.","Sean: That's Peter, Emma's boyfriend. That's not his dad's car, that's his. We're gonna mod it.","Jay: What? Why? Why would we do that?","Alex: What's that phrase, keep your friends close, your enemies closer?","Sean: Whatever Alex.","Jay: Oh lord forgive my sinful thoughts.","Sean: Hey Emma's my friend, alright? And you're gonna stay clear of her. Got it?","Peter: Hey. I got the part. Hope it fits.","Sean: Looks good. Let's try it out.","(Sean and Peter keep talking about cars as Emma shakes her head)","At a coffee shop, Marco and Ellie are sitting there","Spinner: Ah picking university courses. Must be nice.","Ellie: Don't get too excited. Falcult?","Marco: Foucault.","Ellie: Foucault and Postmodernist Marxist Theory. What does that even mean?","Spinner: Do not ask me.","(Paige rushes in and Spinner gives her an awkward smile as he walks away)","Paige: Marco! Party ideas por vous.","Marco: Uh Paige I do have a few things I'm trying to juggle here.","Paige: I know silly, which is why I did some pre-selecting por vous. Hence the uh panoply of pretty, sticky flags.","Marco: You're going to Banting, not to war.","Paige: Sue me for wanting to get everyone together one last time.","Marco: What do you mean one last time?","Paige: Um you, me, Ellie, we're all starting new lives. Who knows? We need one last goodbye hurrah.","Marco: Okay. Okay so I'll then prepare thyself for the most rockingest bon voyage party in history."],"Show Title":"Degrassi Next Generation","Episode Number":"06x01","Episode Title":"Here Comes Your Man","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Degrassi_Next_Generation_06x07.json","Recap":["Spinner is upset over the results of his aptitude test, and when Jimmy decides to design and sell T-shirts, they go into business and open a store. Meanwhile, Alex returns to Degrassi to get more credits, but her bullying past comes back to haunt her."],"Transcript":["At Spinner's locker","Darcy: Spinner?","Spinner: Hey Darce.","Darcy: You know what happened between me and you, the break up... I'm really sorry.","Spinner: Me too. More than anything in the world.","Darcy: It, it was the right thing to do. There was something missing. I'm sorry. I hope we can be friends.","(The bell rings and Spinner goes to class.)","Mr. Simpson: Oh Spinner Mason. Just under the wire. Oh and here is our very special guidance counsellor, Ms. Sauv\u00e9. Why don't you all open up your career aptitude tests.","Ms. Sauv\u00e9: If nothing else, the results may help to inform what universities you apply to and what majors you choose.","(Jimmy opens up his results online.)","Jimmy: Criminal lawyer, right!","Ashley: Family law for me. NYU here we come.","Jimmy: I know. I think we're gonna have to open a practice together. Downtown Manhattan, family and criminal law.","(Spinner sees that his top result says clown.)","Spinner: Clown. I'm supposed to be a clown?","Ms. Sauv\u00e9: Well remember this is just a guide, okay? It's important that you find something that you're passionate about.","(Spinner looks at his second choice.)","Spinner: Like being a cop. Oh yeah. Get right on that.","In the hallway","Jimmy: Ah pull it together man. I can't have a basket case thwarting my year.","(Spinner pulls out a poem he wrote.)","Spinner: She said there would always be an us and she crushed my heart with a bus. I pledged abstinence and faith 'cause she said t'was forever. Now it's just me.","Jimmy: T'was. Are you sure uh poet wasn't in your test results?","Spinner: Didn't see artist in yours. What happened to the whole art dream?","Jimmy: I woke up. Art isn't a career. Law is.","Spinner: Yeah so is being a clown I guess.","Ashley: You know Spin, Paige is in town. Marco and Ellie are having some people over. You should come.","Spinner: Nah I don't know.","Jimmy: Wrong. You're not sitting home another night writing these sad-ass, wah wah, I'm gonna kill myself poems. I forbid you. Time to get on a positive tip, alright?","Spinner: Alright.","Jimmy: Great. Thank you.","Outside the school, a bunch of girls are laughing and being loud","Some girl: And the face that he was making?!","(They keep laughing and Alex glares at them.)","Alex: Zip it. I'm trying to study.","Sirina: Trying to graduate before you turn 30? Good luck.","Alex: A, I already graduated and B, do I even know you?","(Sirina throws a carrot at Alex.)","Alex: Unless you want these carrots to become part of your anatomy I suggest you stop.","(She throws another one and Alex walks over, then turns around and leaves.)","Alex: I'm officially too old for this.","At Ellie, Marco, and Dylan's place","Marco: Okay all we have left here is rice crackers. I spent all my snack money on textbooks and I'm thinking those are kinda dry, so here.","Paige: Oh well one of the many perks at Banting, amazing meal plan. Hey that is a spiffy top Spin. Since when are you so oh current?","Spinner: Jimmy Brooks original.","Ellie: You don't know how many people have asked me where they can get one of these designs.","Jimmy: No really?","Jesse: Really. Been thinking about selling them? Lot of money in it.","Marco: Yeah Jesse don't even bother. I keep telling Jim to start his own line of t-shirts, but he never listens.","Jimmy: It's 'cause it's crazy Marco. I'm not gonna start selling t-shirts.","Spinner: Why not? There's nothing stopping you.","Jimmy: There's a lot stopping me, actually.","Ashley: What, like your dad?","Jimmy: Like reality. Didn't somebody say something about playing poker?","Paige: Oh I'm in. Thanks to too many all night poker sessions, I am a Texas Holdem whiz. Alright let's buy in. In the cafeteria","Spinner: Check it out! Check it out. Spimmy Designs, huh? Or The Jimner Clothing Company. Squatch Wear. I like that one.","Jimmy: Okay stop. Rewind. Losing the plot. What is this?","Spinner: This is the future baby. I'm turning you into the next John John.","Ashley: It's Sean John.","Spinner: Potato, potato. Okay look, Jimmy people love your t-shirts man. Start a business!","Jimmy: With what money?","Spinner: I got some saved. Plus Marco's dad could give us some shirts on spec. We make a bunch, go to campus, branch your uncle(?).","Jimmy: Do you know how much work that would take?","Spinner: Ah we could do it. You and me together. Plus when it takes off, becomes a huge money maker, I can forget all about clown academy. Jimmy you're, you're gonna need money for your fancy New York university, right? Let's make some.","Jimmy: I've got an academic fund. I'm totally taken care of.","Spinner: Sorry.","(Spinner gets up and leaves.)","Ashley: Jimmy.","Jimmy: Then again I guess it would be cool to see more people wearing my stuff.","Spinner: Yeah?","Jimmy: Yeah. Let's give it a shot.","In a classroom","(Alex finishes her exam and walks out smiling.)","Ms. Hatzilakos: Alex Nunez. Smiling after a test?","Alex: Just happy. Kinda aced it.","Ms. Hatzilakos: Congratulations. I'm proud of you. It shows a real maturity that you came back to upgrade your marks, especially after your friends moved on.","Alex: You can't become a physiotherapist without a degree, which means I gotta up my marks if I want to get accepted anywhere. So gotta run.","Ms. Hatzilakos: You know what would really help with your university application?","Alex: Extracurriculars?","Ms. Hatzilakos: Which you don't have.","Alex: I knew this was going somewhere.","Ms. Hatzilakos: Look I need girls for lacrosse. I mean I'm so low on players I might even have to cancel the team.","Alex: A tragedy of global proportions.","Ms. Hatzilakos: Alex you love lacrosse. I remember from gym class you're a natural.","Alex: I am fond of bashing people with a large stick.","Ms. Hatzilakos: So you'll think about it?","Alex: Me and team sports, sorry not a whole lot to think about Ms. H.","At Ellie, Marco and Dylan's place","(A montage begins with Jimmy printing out the design, Spinner starts pressing the design onto the shirts, Ellie shows them a picture in the newspaper with someone wearing their shirt, Jimmy and Spinner start selling the shirts on campus until they're sold out.)","Spinner: We can't run this operation out of a cardboard box, eh? I'm thinking mail order pyramid scheme.","Jimmy: Or we can set up shop outside like Raptors games and concerts...","(They see a 'for lease' sign outside a store.)","Spinner: Or, or we let the market come to us.","Jimmy: What about rent?","Spinner: Dude I saved a cool grand working at the Dot and it's not like I'm gonna need it for clown academy.","Jimmy: Are you serious?","Spinner: I've never been seriouser. What about your academic fund? Say you skim a little off the top-","Jimmy: No. My dad has been putting money into that fund since I was two years old. If I even think about touching it, I'm dead.","Spinner: Come on give your dad a little credit. He might just go for it, especially when he hears about how good we're doing.","At the Dot","Alex: So here you are back from the magical university land of Banting, which I assume is going...","Paige: Better than perf, but what about you? Are you seeing anyone? Is she cute? Do I know her? I want all the juicy details.","Alex: Sorry can't help you. I'm the queen of boring single, lame land. Degrassi's all I got going on.","Paige: Well I bet you must be running that place. Are all the kiddies running scared?","Alex: Actually they're shaking at my terrifyingly good study habits. Apparently I'm also a natural lacrosse player. Ms. H wants me to join the team.","Paige: My oh my. You on a sports team.","Alex: Ain't gonna happen. Lacrosse is for losers.","Paige: Yeah there's the bitter girl I know.","Alex: The bitter loner you used to know is trying to be a little sweeter these days.","Paige: Well sweetie a tiger can't change its stripes over night. At Ellie, Marco and Dylan's place","(Spinner turns on some really loud music.)","Ellie: Spinner I have to read an entire novel, a Russian one.","Marco: Yeah can you guys find another place to set up shop?","Spinner: Good idea Marco. That's funny. We just passed one on the street.","(Mr. Brooks walks into the room.)","Mr. Brooks: All set Jim?","Jimmy: Yeah.","Spinner: Dude ask him.","(Spinner turns off the music.)","Jimmy: Dad we have this little business. It's uh these t-shirts with my designs and people are really digging the art.","Mr. Brooks: Good for you son. Not crazy about the colour, but uh put me down for one.","Jimmy: We also thought we could take it to the next level and open up a shop. Make it legit, you know?","(His dad doesn't say anything.)","Jimmy: So I was wondering if you'd mind if I uh dipped into my academic fund?","Mr. Brooks: Son you can't afford to chase these little dreams. The answer is no. I'll be in the car.","Jimmy: I don't even need my dad's permission to access my fund. We're gonna do this Spin. We're gonna open this shop. Does that sound good?","Spinner: Dude that's like, that's like my ten favourite songs playing at the same time. Turn up to 11!","Outside the store, Spinner is passing out flyers","Spinner: Hi what's up? Yo check out our store. It's right behind you. Hey check it out. Guys here you go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Inside the store","Marco: Jimmy man this is incredible.","Ashley: Well it ain't pretty, but the customers don't seem to mind.","Jimmy: I just cannot believe we're making money. I mean if this thing takes off I could probably pay my own way to art school.","Ashley: Art school? What happened to pre-law, NYU?","Jimmy: I don't know. I, I just think maybe this art thing could work out, you know? How cool would that be?","Ashley: Very cool. As long as we're together and you're happy. It's all good.","(They kiss.)","Spinner: Man we are going to be famous fashion designers. Just like Ducce & Gabbana.","Marco: Yeah that's uh Dolce & Gabbana, Spin. You know the gay fashion designers?","Spinner: Yeah, except not so gay.","Customer: You guys take debit?","Spinner: Cash only my friend.","(Spinner opens the cash box and the guy eyes it suspiciously before walking away.)","Spinner: They'll be back.","In the gym","Ms. Hatzilakos: Okay guys that was good focus and good passing. Ah here's our ringer. So you ready to help out the team?","Alex: Nothing I love more than giving up my weekend for the team.","Ms. Hatzilakos: Most of you probably know Alex. She graduated last year, so we are very lucky to have her back.","Alex: I can't get enough of this place.","Ms. Hatzilakos: Okay let's continue loosening up a little bit. Let's do some passing drills, okay? Stay focussed guys!","Alex: Hey baby carrots. Looks like we're team-mates.","Sirina: Doesn't mean I have to talk to you. At Marco, Ellie and Dylan's place","Marco: We sold a truckload! I can't believe this day.","Ashley: When these guys are famous, they better remember their friends.","Jimmy: Okay this should improve the snacks around here.","(Jimmy gives Marco some money.)","Marco: You didn't have to Jimmy.","Ellie: Speak for yourself.","Jimmy: After Marco's dad's cut for the t-shirts, the rest is pure gravy.","Dylan: Ah not to be a killjoy, but I've taken some business classes. You've got taxes, book-keeping, insurance, overhead and hydro.","Spinner: Dude our gravy.","Jimmy: I guess we have a problem.","In the gym during a lacrosse game","Alex: Shoot it I'm open","(Sirina passes the ball to someone else.)","Sirina: Over here!","Alex: Over here!","(As it's being passed to Alex, Sirina runs in front of her to receive the pass and knocks Alex down. Alex stands up, gets the ball and scores while everyone cheers for her.)","At the store","(Spinner picks up the phone pretending he's on a call.)","Spinner: Ring. Squatch Designs, what can I put you down for? A hundred? Super.","Jimmy: You been busy.","Spinner: Oh you know just saving the store.","Jimmy: You doubled the prices?","Spinner: Yeah to re-coup our cost twice as fast.","Jimmy: Spin look around. You're driving business away.","Spinner: At least I'm trying.","Jimmy: Yeah too hard. Spin look, I've been thinking maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe my dad was right.","Spinner: No he was wrong and we'll see just how wrong and laugh in ten years when we are sipping cognac on our fly company yacht.","Jimmy: Spinner, wake up. There's no yacht, okay? In tens years I will be practicing law in New York and you will be twisting balloon animals in North York.","(Spinner gives him a hurt look.)","Jimmy: Look let's just fix these tags please and, and sell everything we have on the shelves and we'll be done.","Spinner: No, you know what? You do it. I'm on break.","In the hallway after the game","Alex: Sirina!","Sirina: So finally remembered my name.","Alex: Ms. Hatzilakos told me. She also told me that you and I have to get along.","(She doesn't say anything.)","Alex: So, go team go?","(Sirina starts to walk away.)","Alex: I'm trying to be nice here.","Sirina: Please. You know you're not fooling anyone. You're a hateful bitch Alex. That's all you're ever gonna be.","(Alex pushes her and Ms. Hatzilakos sees.)","Ms. Hatzilakos: Alex! My office now!","At the store","(The guys that were eying the money box come back.)","Jimmy: Hey what's up? Feel free to look around. We've got some cool tees here so just ignore the prices. I'm still fixing them.","Guy: It's not the tees that I'm interested in.","(Spinner is shown walking outside when he hears Jimmy inside the store.)","Jimmy: Hey!","(Spinner rushes inside.)","Jimmy: Spinner help!","(Spinner runs over to the guy fighting with Jimmy while the other guy runs away with the cash box.)","Spinner: You move and I break it in half.","Jimmy: I owe you one.","(Spinner holds him against the wall while Jimmy calls the police.)","Outside the school","(Alex holds a bag of baby carrots out to Sirina.)","Alex: They're not poisoned and they make great projectiles.","(Sirina ignores her.)","Alex: I got a week's worth detention. That should make you happy.","Sirina: You really don't remember, do you?","Alex: Am I in the twilight zone? No, I don't know you Sirina.","Sirina: Two years ago you almost blinded me with a laser pointer during my first and last debate or how about when you tripped me on the way to the caf? I sprained my ankle and I had to quit the team.","Alex: It wasn't personal. You could have been anybody.","Sirina: But it was me. A real person. You made my life hell and the worst part, you don't even remember doing it.","(She walks away while Alex looks upset.)","Outside the store","Police officer: Heck of a takedown there chief. You guys will get that vendor's licence before you open up again?","Jimmy: Actually we uh, we won't need it. We're gonna close shop permanently.","Police officer: We'll be in touch.","Spinner: You know you have no idea how lucky you are.","Jimmy: You're right. That guy could have killed me.","Spinner: I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about this. Look at that design. It's awesome. People love it. I would give anything to have what you have, Jimmy. Talent!","Jimmy: Who says you don't? I just watched you take down some dude like Jack Bauer in there, man. That was sick. If that ain't talent, dude...","Spinner: Yeah I guess I am a crime-fighting super stud. You're right about that.","(Jimmy's dad walks over to the cop.)","Mr. Brooks: Officer what's, what's, what's the problem?","Police officer: Well it seems to me there was a robbery here at this location.","Jimmy: He looks pissed. Just wait 'til I tell him where I got the money for this place. Man I am a dead man rolling.","Spinner: Dude I just faced down a robber. I think you can face down your dad.","Mr. Brooks: Thanks.","(Jimmy's dad walks over to them.)","Mr. Brooks: Jim I'm so relieved you're alright. Let's get you home now, okay?","Jimmy: Okay. Dad uh just wait. We got to talk.","(Spinner smiles as he walks away.)","Scenes for next week","Voiceover: On a new episode of Degrassi, the happy couple is finally reunited.","(Sean is released from jail and him and Emma are shown hugging.)","Sean: I missed you.","Emma: I missed you too.","(Emma and Sean are having dinner together.)","Emma: Everything is perfect.","Sean: You're perfect.","(Sean kisses Emma.)","Voiceover: But will the honeymoon last?","Emma: How do I even begin to tell him what I did with Jay in the ravine?","Sean: Did you and Jay have a thing last year?","Emma: I'm not the girl you knew in grade 7 anymore.","Jay: She damn near begged me to let her do it.","(Sean tries to hit Jay.)"],"Show Title":"Degrassi Next Generation","Episode Number":"06x07","Episode Title":"Working For the Weekend","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Dexter_03x01.json","Recap":["Several months after the second season finale, Dexter hunts down drug dealer Fred \"Freebo\" Bowman but mistakenly kills an innocent man who happens to be the younger brother of Assistant District Attorney Miguel Prado. Dexter frames Freebo, but begins to question the necessity of his father's code. Meanwhile, Debra has reformed her life and is determined to become a detective, but refuses an Internal Affairs officer request to co-operate in an investigation of Quinn. Quinn introduces Debra to his informant, Anton Briggs , with hopes of finding clues to Freebo's whereabouts. Also, Rita realizes that she is pregnant."],"Transcript":["Last season on Dexter... The butchered bodies were submerged inside these garbage bags... Did you hear that? 30 bags. Do you know what that means? There might be a new mass murderer out there way worse than the Ice Truck Killer. Uh-oh. Eight confirmed victims of the Bay Harbor Butcher. That's what the press is calling whoever dumped those bodies offshore. Last thing Miami needs is another serial killer. Any idea who the FBI is sending? Some guy named Lundy. We have positive IDs on all 18 of our complete bodies. All 13 were either tried for murder or at least suspected of murder. Bay Harbor Butcher? Give me one shot, I'd put a bullet in the fucker's head. You really feel that way? If Dad taught us one thing, it's the value of human life. Yeah, but I think we had different homework assignments. Tell me the truth. Are you an addict? Yes, I have an addiction. I'm Dexter. Hi, Dexter. There's my sponsor. So tell me, exactly how full of sh1t are you? This woman sees me. Somehow she's able to make me feel OK about what I am. You're going to tell me all your deepest, darkest secrets. Laura Moser, my mother, she was murdered. I've never told anyone that before. Did you find out what happened to the men responsible for your mother's murder? Santos Jimenez. Turned state's evidence, went into witness protection. Where are you? I've decided to look up someone from my past.","[SCENE_BREAK]","You slaughtered her cause she stole cocaine. She was a snitch for a cop. She was f*cking him. It seems my foster father and my biological mother were having an affair. Did he blame himself for her death? Is that why he took me in? Or was he just using her? Was he using me? But there ain't no paper trail on the early years of Dexter Morgan. Your past is a bigger mystery than f*cking Jimmy Hoffa. Back... off. Ow! f*ck! If Dexter files a complaint, you will be kicked off the force. He's hiding something, Maria. I can feel it. I need some blood slides analyzed. I'm about to be found out at work for what I really am. You don't understand. Why don't you make me? Who the f*ck are you? Oh, pardon my tits. How could you do this to Rita, not to mention her kids? You and Lila stayed in a hotel together. It's over, Dexter. I'm sure that you heard we have a suspect in the Bay Harbor Butcher case. Sergeant James Doakes. He had the slides. Carefully hidden in the trunk of his car at the airport. Jesus Christ, Morgan. You're the Bay Harbor Butcher. You sure about that? You might want to check with Lundy. What's it gonna be, Morgan? Kill me now or set me free! Don't worry, I'll send the FBI your way soon enough. So you're still gonna try to frame me? Mission accomplished. After tomorrow, I'll be out of reach. Permanently. You're going somewhere? Goodbye, Lila. Welcome. Previous destinations. Starting route guidance. Hey! Who's out there? Anybody out there? Who put you in there? His name is Dexter Morgan. I found out that he's the Bay Harbor Butcher. Please, just open this gate! Poor thing, all alone. I'm OK. Not you. Dexter. What the f*ck are you doing? Turn that off! Do you understand this is murder? What were you thinking? Are you insane? I was trying to bring us back together. The Lila experiment is officially over. Could have had it all, Dexter. I've never put much weight into the idea of a higher power, but if I didn't know better, I'd have to believe that some force out there wants me to keep doing what I'm doing. You wanted to be close to me, Lila? This is the most I have to offer. You taught me to accept what I am. Thank you. The code is mine now and mine alone. So too are the relationships I cultivate. My father might not approve, but I'm no longer his disciple. I'm a master now. An idea transcended into life.","Internal monologue (IM): Ah, life! Life is ritual, routine, control.","IM: And a central part of that routine: regular oral hygiene.","Dentist: There you are! Few minutes, that'll numb right up.","Dentist: So, how was your summer, Dexter?","Dexter: I went to the carnival. I even won a prize.","Dentist: Hope you stayed away from all the sweet stuff.","Dexter: Usually I'm good, but sometimes I indulge.","Dexter: I also made a point to meet new people.","Dentist: Never have too many friends! Now this temporary crown is gonna go way in the back, so there may be some blood.","Dexter: Not a problem.","Dentist: So you still have your boat?","Dexter: Oh, you bet! It's the only place I can really-let everything go.","Dentist: Sounds great! We'll have you up and out on that water in no time.","IM: For someone who needs to spend his life pretending to be normal, I've been able to finally-settle in, to a nice, normal world.","IM: And Rita is the scaffolding that holds that world in place.","Rita: What're you thinking?","Dexter: Life is good!","Rita: Hmm...","Dexter: Here you go, buddy! Okay, Astor, you're up! Micky Mouse, unicorn or starfish?","Astor: Just plain round (?) pancake, Sexter!","Rita: She's growing up.","Dexter: Starts with pancakes?","Rita: It starts with s*x.","Cody: Hey, Dexter? Em, can you come to Dad Day at my school tomorrow?","Dexter: Just tell me what to do!","Rita: The Sharlet's (?)!","Cody: Bye, Mom! See you, Dexter!","Astor: Bye, Mom!","Rita: Bye.","Dexter: Get your bag!","Rita: You hear that?","Dexter: Hear what?","Rita: The calm. Everything's falling into place for the first time in my life. I get these terrific kids, there's no more drama haunting me, and I have this great, generous gentle guy. Hmm...","IM: Most normal people enjoy a sacred pack with society: Live a good life and society will take care of you. But if society drops the ball then someone else has to pick up the slack. That's where I come in. Fred Bowman, AKA \"Freebo\"-kills two college girls and escapes on a state police screw-up, otherwise known as Florida's \"catch-and-release program\". He does the deed, gets away with murder, and falls off the radar-everyone's rader but mine.","Dexter: You got a birthday coming up, Dad!","IM: What to get a man who had everything? How about \"Freebo\"?","Someone: Morning, Dex!","IM: Dexter, the donut guy-part of my routine. But let the record show: I'm not the only one with a daily ritual. Angel Batista: bear claw; Vince Masuka: lemon custard.","Masuka: Hmm, better than s*x! Actually, no, it's not. Hey, I need a favor. You think you can, er, proof an article I'm running for FQ? Forensics Quarterly?","Dexter: Right! Yeah.","Masuka: They made me (?) a star because I was the LFI.","Dexter: Lead Forensic Investigator...","Masuka: On the BHB.","Dexter: Bay Harbor Butcher.","Masuka: M-hm.","Dexter: Hey!","Debra: Hey.","Masuka: No biggie, I've been published before.","Debra: Hah, \"Dear Penthouse\" doesn't count.","Masuka: Hey, that letter was famous!","Quinn: Death by pastry, hehe.","Quinn: You changed your hair, makes you look younger.","Debra: I don't wanna look younger!","Quinn: Bad call then. By the way, nice work on the Ronally (?) case.","Debra: Yeah, well, murder suicide, pretty strait forward.","Quinn: Well, still, I mean, your word (?) was spot on, right?","Debra: All right! Quinn's been in Homicide two weeks and he noticed.","Dexter: Noticed what?","Debra: My hair! I changed my hair style for the first time since I was eight!","Dexter: Oh yeah! It's short-er, shorter. And, and Quin, he's just showing off his detective skill...","Debra: Well, you think he thinks I'm a potential lay? That is not happening! And as long as you're not noticing things, you've also not noticed that I've given up men, liquor and smokes for the last 27 days.","Debra: This year you're remembering Dad's birthday, though, right?","Dexter: Dad, birthday, right!","Debra: Blue room, 7:30, like always.","Laguerta: I was just calling you last night.","Angel: I, er, wasn't home.","Laguerta: I also tried your cell phone.","Laguerta: You're in the same pants you were in yesterday, and that shirt's backup one you keep in your locker.","Angel: (Spanish) I thought part of your restructuring our department is you staying out of our personal lives.","Laguerta: Anything you want me to know?","Angel: Know this: I went out and had a great time last night, and you should be happy for me. Besides, since when do you care?","Laguerta: Since this-follow me.","Laguerta: Okay, guys, listen up! I've just got word from upstairs that Angel will no longer be Detective Batista.","People: What?","Laguerta: In two days, he will be Detective Sergeant Batista!","People: Hey! Wow! Yeah!","Laguerta: I'm sorry for all the red tapes and the hoops, but nobody deserves it more than you, (Spanish).","Angel: So, er, when, when this is really official, when I can trade this in for that gold badge-trinks all on me!","People: Yeah! Wow!","Debra: Angel get his wings, you know what this means?","Dexter: Payways (?)?","Debra: No, dildo! It means he's my supervisor, which means I'm a lock (?) from my detective shield.","Debra: Where're you going?","Dexter: Er, research.","Masuka: Dex! Er, typos, grammar, something could be clearer, whatever. Haircut?","Debra: Yep.","IM: Time to get the lay of the land on Freebo and his-pink house.","Boy: What you need?","Dexter: Freebo, I need Freebo.","Boy: And you know him how?","Dexter: He sells the best sh1t anywhere.","Boy: Come on, man, what? You googled him or something?","Dexter: You know what? f*ck it, there's other dope spots.","Boy: Ay, ay, come here! Don't walk away all \"f*ck you\" on me!","Freebo: What?","Boy: Ding, ding!","Dexter: I'm looking to hold some product.","Freebo: Ordinarily I don't accept new clientele, but I've had a desultory third quartel. Hmm! Oh, come on!","Dexter: Need a little more hook before breaking into the pocket, hahaha.","Freebo: Ha. You know I brought this TV for six grand but I'll let you have it for three.","Dexter: Well, I'm interested in scoring some tarp (?).","Freebo: Ah, then the yeppie turns to the dark side.","Teegan: I need a hay.","Freebo: Geez, Teegan! I'm transacting here.","Teegan: One tooth.","Freebo: Did you here what I said? f*ck off, Teegan!","Teegan: Fine, I guess your dick can suck itself from now on!","Freebo: Stupid c**t's gonna re-define \"short-term relationship\". Catch my drift?","Dexter: I catch your drift.","IM: And I'm entirely confidant you've earned the privilege to re-purposed as fish food.","IM: Narcotics raided this place at noon today. The drug rats won't return to their nest for a while. Plenty of time to do what I have to do.","Yuki: Raw, you like it raw.","Debra: Excuse me?","Yuki: Your sugar-you like the raw stuff. It's my job to notice things. Morgan, right?","Debra: Do I know you?","Yuki: New haircut-it's cute!","Debar: Alright, who the f*ck are you?","Yuki: Yuki Amado, Internal Affairs.","Debra: And?","Yuki: You know a Joey Quinn?","Debra: Why?","Yuki: Well, started drawing our attention back when he was in Nartotics. He's in your orbit now.","Debra: I don't know the guy except he handles my paperwork.","Yuki: It'd be really cool if you could get next to him, you know-do a little recon.","Debra: Are you high?","Yuki: No, never been.","Debra: Well, Yuki, that's not gonna happen.","Yuki: Cooperation with IA has its upside in the Department.","Debra: Yeah, maybe for rodents.","Yuki: Okay! Well, it's nice to finally meet you-in person, you know. Bye.","Debra: And what is it you think Quinn did exactly?","Yuki: Hm, m-hm, you, you don't get to blow me off and still ask questions.","IM: Loud music, cover of darkness-perfect.","Guy: Freebo, get back here!","Guy: Who are you?","Dexter: Who are you?","Dexter: sh1t, oh!","Someone: (inaudible)","IM: What the f*ck happened back there? I went to kill Freebo and ended up killing a total stranger. I've never killed anyone I didn't complete vet before-whose guilt I wasn't absolutely certain of. I didn't something wholly inside the moment-and wholly outside the code-something spontaneous. Who did I just kill?","IM: Freebo's doorman. I am f*cked. Just a matter of time before someone calls it in.","Dexter: Hey, you!","Rita: Dexter, hey! This' not one of our regular nights, but, can you come over?","Dexter: Er, sure. Everything okay?","Rita: I am. Just, just missing you, that's all.","Dexter: God, you're on fire lately!","Rita: Are you complaining?","Dexter: I'm compliant.","Rita: Where are you?","Dexter: I'm right here. Je suis pr\u00e9sent.","Rita: Hmm.","Dexter: Hmm.","Rita: God created pudding, and then he rested.","Dextet: Pudding of chocolate: manna from heaven. Haha. What're the kids gonna get for dessert tomorrow?","Rita: Tangerines.","Dexter: Hehe.","Dexter: Dexter Morgan. Yes, I'm happy with my long distance provider.","Rita: What the hell ever happened to \"Do Not Call\"-steaming Morgan (?)?","IM: Not in India.","Dexter: I have an insanely busy morning tomorrow, so, I'll be gone before you and the kids wake up.","Rita: Dexter, you've been working such killer hours lately. Just hold me till you have to go.","Dexter: Just a matter of time...","Dexter: Morning Sergeant!","Angel: How long for you to get to 118 Kelland (?)?","Dexter: Err, 20, 30 minutes.","Debra: I got it, Dex!","Dexter: You got what?","Debra: Only the case that's gonna get me my shield. It's huge. Angel put me on it-officially on it.","Dexter: Huge?","IM: Who the hell are you?","Debra: Bet you wanna know who the hell he is.","Debra: Who he is what makes this case huge. That's Miguel Prado. He's at 88, he's on been on a mission to put away as many bad guys as he can, you know? The save Miami is the only Miami?","Masuka: Save Miami and we're all unemployed.","Dexter: Why's he look so familiar?","Angel: Cause he just made the cover of Florida Magazine-top prosecutor three years in a row.","Debra: He and Laguerta go way back, you know? That whole Cubano thing?","Angel: The other guy is Ramond Prado, Miguel's middle brother, he's a lieutenant with the Sheriff's Department.","Debra: Made himself quite the reputation for being a law-and-order hardass. And-Oscar.","Dexter: Prado?","Debra: As in \"baby brother\".","IM: So much for spontaneity.","Dexter: What was he doing in a dump like this?","Angel: They're saying that he's a coach at a youth club, came here to confront the scumbag about selling sh1t to his kids.","Debra: Talk about wrong place at the wrong time!","Dexter: Tell me about it!","Dexter: Find anything?","Masuka: Yeah. Dead guy, with a hole in his chest.","Dexter: Hey, this window's cracked, and there's blood on the wall. Who shut these drapes?","Masuka: Probably first-on-scene.","Forensic tech: Some dipshit regu (?) still outside puking.","Dexter: So, what do we got?","Masuka: Ah, signs of a major league big struggle here, there, everywhere, single stab wound to the chest. TV Monco (?) yet?","Dexter: Started it. So far's really good.","Masuka: Awsome.","Miguel: (Spanish)","Ramond: Whoever did this, he's wishing he was dead.","Debra: Someone really stepped on his dick with this one.","IM: There so many lessons in the vaunted Code of Harry, twisted commandments handed down from the only God I ever worshipped. One through ten: Don't get caught. That I got covered. But killing someone without knowing if he's guilty-I'd love some help on this one. But my God is dead now.","Angel: Man's best friend, ay, Dex?","Dexter: Not today! Hey, my sister said that Laguerta knows this Miguel Prodo pretty well?","Angel: Way back when, when Mi... Hey, sup? Way back when, when Miguel was in law school, and Maria was just starting in law enforcement, they hooked up.","Dexter: Hooked up?","Angel: Between us, for Maria, Miguel Prado will always be the one that got away.","Angel: Prelim has the victim, Oscar Prado, 26, dead, dead from a single stab wound to the chest. The deceased's brother, ADA Miguel Prado, informed me at the scene that Oscar went to confront one Fred Bowman, street name \"Freebo\", for selling drugs to some youth club kids. Morgan?","Debra: This Freebo's the same guy that killed those two co-eds in the Everglades and got away with it. So, the way it looks, Oscar Prado died a hero. Also our team found a shitload of, er, substantial amount of drugs in the house.","Laguerta: Any leads on his whereabouts?","Debra: Er, that part the neighborhood isn't exactly police friendly, but I'm staying on it.","Laguerta: Talk to me about forensics.","Masuka: Hm, er, hm, evidence indicates this was no hit-and-run. It was a furious close-in battle. Whoever-or is it \"whomever\"?","Dexter: \"Whoever\" is good.","Masuka: Whoever did this got a lucky shot, or, was really good at handling a blade. According to the ME, the A-order (?) was cleanly severed in one penetration-not easy to do.","Laguerta: Any luck finding the weapon?","Masuka: It's not at or near the premises. We've checked roof, sewers, trash bins in a five block radios. Our conclusion: The assailant took it with him.","Laguerta: Dexter, what's the blood saying?","Dexter: Pretty much what everyone else is. Er, I've some second-level on-scene work to do. I'll get back to you ASAP.","Laguerta: Get it to Sergeant Batista. Full disclosure: I've had a personal relationship with the Prado family for many years. And it goes a lot further than the whole Cubano thing! Sergeant?","Angel: Stating the obvious, Lieutenant: I like Freebo for this.","IM: Me too.","Laguerta: Morgan?","Debra: Yes, Mam?","Laguerta: Hit the streets harder, learn what you can learn.","Quinn: Er, all due respect, Lieutenant, if Freebo did this, he's not in Miami. I mean, he's, he's in the wind.","Laguerta: We can sit around on our asses and speculate on where we think the prime suspect may or may not be, or we can actually go and look for him.","Quinn: Hn.","Miguel: As a Miami prosecutor I have dedicated my career to fighting crime, to making our street safe for everyone. Every family-white, black, Latino, Asian-deserves the full mesure of our devotion to their dignity. And now the crime has touched my family in the most, er, profound way imaginable. I grieve equally for every famliy that has been visited with the same unimaginable news we news that we have received today. Our beautiful city is a city of families, and the untimely taking of any of us touches all of us. My parents brought my brother Ramond and me to this...","IM: Part of my ritual has always been getting to know my victims, confirming their guilt beyond all doubt. Oscar Prodo tried to kill Freebo, and he tried to kill me. No way he was there on some noble youth club mission. He's got to be guilty of something-aren't we all? So I ask again...","Dexter: Who are you?","Dexter: Two speeding tickts and an illegal U-turn. (???)","IM: Harry finds me in a pool of bloos, turns me into his own personal vendetta machine, and when he sees the monster he created in action, he kills himself. Deb can drink to his honor on her own.","Quinn: Any luck in the land of reluctant witnesses?","Debra: One house I play good cop, the next house I play bad cop, I still can't get sh1t from anybody in the neighborhood.","Quinn: You know what the problem is, right?","Debra: Wait, Quinn, let me guess: the cop part.","Quinn: No, they don't owe you anything. There's no incentive, which skew the balance of power way in their direction, right? Here, let me do you a favor: Call this guy, tell him you know me, tell him you're gonna cash in on my coupons.","Debra: Coupons?","Quinn: Yes, he's a CI from my days in Narcotics. (???) anything (???).","Debra: What do you want in return?","Quinn: For you to remember that I did you a solid.","Quinn: What, not even a thank-you?","Debra: Thank you. Stop looking at my ass.","Quinn: Hahahaha...","Anton: Detective!","Debra: Officer. You're Anton?","Anton: In the flesh. You got something you wanna show me?","Anton: Oh, yeah, I've seen him before.","Debra: Really? Where?","Anton: In the news. Isn't that the guy you let walk on those co-ed killings? Now that there was a fine piece of police work.","Debra: You knew him from the newspaper?","Anton: Yeah, I think I've seen him on CNN or something like that.","Debra: Okay. That's all you got?","Anton: That's all you got!","Debra: You know, if this is you and Quinn f*cking with me, I'm really not in the mood.","Anton: You know something? If you need something for that temper I've got a man down the street with some really mellow weed that can take that edge right off.","Debra: Well, thank you, but I don't take advice from drug dealers, so...","Anton: Drug dealer? Oh, never that! A drug user, occasionally-strictly weed though, Officer, strictly weed.","Debar: Then how'd you become Quinn's snitch?","Anton: I got caught up in a drug bust. Quinn told me that if I blew the whistle on a bigger fish, I stay outta jail. So I listened -- (???).","Debra: Yeah? Well, you know it never hurts an occasional drug user to have more than one friend on the force, so...","Anton: That's the thing, Officer: I've got enough friends!","Debra: Alright, well, I'm outta here.","Anton: Yeah, well, you have a good one, yeah?","Debra: What about this Prado guy?","Dexter: And, and to determine the impact site, er, the exact point where force encounters a body, you have to distinguish the geometric differences between, er, back spatter, satellite spatter, misting, and arterial spurting.","Boy: Gross!","Cody: Shut up!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dexter: Er, you remember how before when Katie's dad was talking about being a surgeon?","Boy: Yeah?","Dexter: And, and sometimes, how he has to cut into bodies, and there's blood?","Boy: But he saves lives!","Girl: Do you save lives?","Dexter: Okay, you know there're good guys and there're bad guys?","Boy: So you catch bad guys?","Dexter: Well, not directly, but I help.","Boy: Do you have a uniform?","Dexter: A -- lab coat.","Girl: A gun?","Dexter: No.","Cody: He's got a badge.","Dexter: It's a laminate.","Teacher: Well, thank you so much for taking time from your busy schedule, Mr. Morgan, to come and talk to the children.","Dexter: It was a real learning experience.","Dexter: Looks like I really got through to them, huh?","Cody: It would suck even worse if I didn't have a dad today.","Dexter: Thanks for inviting me, buddy!","IM: If anyone should have father issues-anger, rejection, abandonment-it's Cody. And what's he do? He moves on. How does that happen?","Dexter: I was so bad you're crying?","Rita: No, no. No, it's just, it's just something I've always wanted. I'm mean you being here for the kids-so, so wonderfully uncomplicated.","Dexter: Hello?","Miguel: Mr. Morgan, this is Miguel Prado. I need to see you, right away.","IM: So much for uncomplicated.","Miguel: They almost looks like a -- piece of art.","Dexter: Thank you, sir. But to me, it's more like a story.","Miguel: Tell me that story, Mr. Morgan!","Dexter: The encounter started over here.","Miguel: Mhm.","Dexter: The scuff marks on the linoleum, the crumbling, the throw rug-they all have a directional quality that leads to-now this is where your brother and Freebo-he's my lieutenant's prime suspect-but, you know that-there was a brutal struggle. Er, I gotta say it looks your brother fought like a hero, but he was overmatched and sustained a fatal stab wound to his chest. Everything about the blood suggest that your brother bled out almost instantly.","Miguel: He didn't suffer?","Dexter: Blood never lies.","Miguel: So now I know how he died. Question is why. Well, one more thing Mr. Morgan: Why would a blood spatter analyst spend time searching the Sheriff's Department's database for information on my dead brother?","Dexter: Er... Like you, sir, I wanted to understand what happened here. I thought that knowing some details about your brother's life could help me make sense out of his death.","Miguel: In your line of work, Mr. Morgan, is it usual for you to get so involved? I just sounded like a prosecutor there, I'm sorry.","Dexter: It's not a problem, sir. And no, it's not usual for me to get so involved. But this one, this death got to me.","Miguel: It's just-it seems so unreal and-he's gone.","Dexter: Yeah, I know.","Miguel: So a man dies, Mr. Morgan, and what's left for soul? And what is that exactly?","Dexter: I really couldn't tell you.","Miguel: Well, some people say the soul would just live on forever.","Dexter: I hope not.","Miguel: Which makes you a cynic.","Dexter: It makes me a scientist.","Miguel: So no-one you've ever love has died?","Dexter: My farther dies when I was in my twenties.","Miguel: And you don't believe that, that his, his soul, a cull of his life force is still, somehow, it's living inside you? Because I -- I should've been there for him.","Dexter: You can't blame yourself, sir.","Miguel: That's easiert said then done, Mr. Morgan.","Miguel: Do me a favor: You really wanna get to know my brother like you say? Come to his wake tonight. Come see how much and how, how fully he was loved.","Dexter: Okay.","Miguel: (???). Thank you-Dexter.","Angel: Are there reports final?","Dexter: Er, the blood speciments I collected all came back belonging to Oscar Prado.","Masuka: Er, traces on and around the victim all point to Freebo.","Angel: Anyone out there talking?","Quinn: Well, Officer Morgan was setting up the usual firewall, clammed up witnesses and eye-witnesses, so-but she'll talk to an old CI of mine, hopefully it should be...","Debra: Hey, Quinn? The CI you put me on was totally useless for Freebo.","Quinn: Sadly, it's not a perfect world.","Debra: Yeah, for all we know, Freebo's, like, in Nebraska right now.","Quinn: Well, I guess you don't own me that favor then.","Masuka: How comes he gets favors?","Debra: Well, he doesn't. But what the CI told me about the victim: He wasn't some hero coach who went into the hood and took one for the team.","Dexter: What do you mean?","Debra: Oscar Prado was in the freeroll for some serious cash. Now why would someone be at a -- I don't know-a drug dealer for big bucks?","Angel: Oh, tsh, tsh!","Debra: Because Oscar Prado, the pride of Little Havanna, was a f*cking junkie!","Miguel: Thanks, Maria.","Masuka: Good one, Morgan!","Dexter: She's been in better moods.","Debra: Yeah, I didn't exactly brighten her day.","Dexter: No, you didn't.","Debra: Well, excuse me for doing my f*cking job! You see any of the super-cops coming over with any leads?","Dexter: No, Deb, you're defintely amazing but you gotta...","Debra: I know, I know, I know: Be aware of my surroundings, take the temperature of the room before I open my mouth. I know, it's bad habit, I admit it.","Dexter: Well, look on the bright side: Now that you've given up men, booze and cigarettes, running your mouth is the only bad habit you have left.","Debra: That's right! I'm a model of f*cking perfection.","Debra: You remember what today is, right?","Dexter: How can I forget?","Debra: 7:30, I'll buy your first drink.","Angel: You wanted to see me?","Laguerta: (Spanish)","Laguerta: I need you to think about Debra Morgan's continued involvement on the Oscar Prado case.","Angel: You want me to throw her under the bus for what? Being a little overzealous?","Laguerta: It's not about zeal. It's about tact and sensitivity. It's also about the real world: This case is as high-profile as it gets.","Angel: Yeah, it's...","Laguerta: No, (Spanish). Morgan is resourceful and tenacious-and usually the right amount of pain in the ass. But there're political ramifications. Now my history with Miguel Prado aside, this case's just too big for her.","Angel: Just say the word, Maria, and I'll follow your orders.","Laguerta: Becoming a homicide sergeant is more than a bump in payscale, it's a quantum leap in responsibility-all part of moving up the chain.","Angel: If I bounce her, she'll hate me.","Laguerta: You're her boss, (Spanish), not her boss. It's up to you.","Debra: Can I get another cranberry juice?","Bartender: That makes three problems (???)?","Debra: Jeeze, I like the f*cking taste, okay?","Debra: Miss you, Dad!","Dexter: My condolences.","Miguel: Thank you for coming.","Miguel: Losing my brother is gonna leave a pain in my heart that, er, I don't think is ever going to heal. You have a brother, Dexter?","Dexter: No, just the one loud sister.","Miguel: What she said back at the station-is okay. I know my brother was a good man, but I can't say he suffered from the tragedy of perfection.","Dexter: Who does?","Miguel: Who indeed?","Ramond: Hey, brother, (???)","IM: You attacked me with a knife in a dope dealer's house-no, Oscar, you certainly did not suffer from the tragedy of perfection. Then why does this feel so wrong? Why in your death are you still so alive in my life?","Guy: Did you know him well?","Dexter: Not as well as I thought.","Guy: Sorry!","Angel: Graco (?) Black.","Angel: Harry!","Angel: What the hell is that?","Debra: Cranberry juice, it's that gonna be a problem?","Angel: Not even close to a problem, but the taste-kind of funky.","Debra: You know when my dad was my age he already had a shield?","Angel: Kinda why I'm here. I'm taking you off the Oscar Prado case.","Debra: I come up with grade A intel on Oscar Prado and I'm getting tossed off the case for being a little loud?","Angel: In a nutshell.","Debra: Laguerta put you up to this?","Angel: It was my decision.","Debra: I'll tell you one thing, Angel: I'm not letting anyone getting in the way of me getting my shield.","Angel: There's only one person in this Department who can get in your way.","Debra: Who?","Angel: You.","Debra: Can I get a real f*cking drink, please?","Debra: Thank you.","IM: My sister's still living her life trying to please our farther. Me? I'm following the lead of an eight year old kid. I'm moving on.","Rita: Thank you for last night! It was a nice surprise.","Dexter: This is where I wanted to be.","Rita: Hmm...","Dexter: Hm, again?","Rita: Hehe...","Dexter: Hehe...","Rita: All I want is chocolate pudding-and you-not necessarily in that order.","Dexter: Morgan.","Debra: Where the f*ck were you last night?","Dexter: Rita's.","Debra: It wasn't Rita's night!","Dexter: Turns out it was.","Debra: I called you.","Dexter: I know.","Debra: And you ignored me?","Dexter: Not you-Harry. Deb, I'm in a whole other place when it comes to Dad. I'm working out some personal stuff.","Debra: You're such a f*cking guy! What is it? \"You gotta kill your father so you can become your own man\" kind of bullshit? Dad wasn't perfect, but he was there for you.","Dexter: Deb, wait!","Debra: What?!","Dexter: I'm sorry I didn't notice your haircut.","Debra: So what is it? Is it too short, too young, too dorky, or what?","Dexter: It's beautiful.","Debra: Beautiful? You just said \"beautiful\".","Dexter: Yes, I did, cause it is. Looks like you honored Dad for both of us last night, anyway.","Debra: I had some help.","Dexter: Haha. You getting along with the new boss-man?","Debra: Oh, f*ck it, they took me off the Oscar Prado case and put me on this-some dead-end Jane Doe.","Angel: A couple of ladies of the night called this in. Oh, mother (???), could you turn that thing off?","Dexter: We'll, er, work quietly. About halfway through your article, Vince, so far very moving.","Masuka: Yes, I was trying to make second-tier chromosom analysis sexy. Glad you're picking up on that.","Masuka: Strangled.","Dexter: So no blood. I'm the blood guy, why call me in?","Masuka: Because of this.","Masuka: Looks like our evil-doer had agenda.","Debra: Maybe it was a tattoo or something.","Angel: Dex, I need to know if this was ante- or post-mortem.","Dexter: Teegan-Freebo's girlfriend. Looks like he's still in Miami.","Laguerta: You've talked to Morgan yet?","Angel: Yep.","Laguerta: How'd she take it?","Angel: There were cursewords involved.","Laguerta: You did good-Sergeant!","Guy: (???)","Angel: Thank you!","Dentist: There you go, Dexter-good as new.","Angel: Hold the elevator! Hold!","Debra: Asshole! Sorry, Sergeant Asshole!","Angel: Ramos, Masuka, Quinn! Ramos, we got some celebrating to do!","Debra: You still drink after last night?","Angel: A man has his needs. You can go back to your cute little cranberry juice.","Debra: Ea, taste like sh1t. I'm gonna have a Mojito-or ten-on you, Serg!","Yuki: Morgan!","Debra: Oh, you so have the wrong person!","Yuki: Oh, there's a reason why Quinn's interest of IA.","Debra: No, understand me: When I say you have the wrong person, I mean me. These people are more than badge numbers for me, they're my friends-they're my family.","Yuki: Sh, sh, tsh! This is the sound of your shield, howling for help. 488.","IM: Harry said that what was inside me would be there forever, and that I wouldn't be able to change. He was half right. Killing Oscar Prado was a bell I can't un-ring. I have moved on for my farther, but I still need his code, now more than ever. But it has to evolve, become my own. Change is good.","Rita: Hey, you!","Dexter: Hey, yourself!","Dexter: This music again? Chocolate pudding again?","Rita: Oh, sh1t!","Dexter: What?","Rita: I've done this before.","Dexter: What do you mean?","Rita: I'm pregnant."],"Show Title":"Dexter","Episode Number":"03x01","Episode Title":"Our Father","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_03x07.json","Recap":["Half a universe from Earth, the Doctor and Martha answer a distress call from the cargo ship SS Pentallian , which will impact a star in 42 minutes. The ship scooped out part of the star, which is alive, for cheap fuel. The star uses crew members Korwin and Ashton as host bodies, and begins taking out everyone on board. Martha and crew member Riley, while trying to reach the front of the ship, are jettisoned into space in an escape pod by Ashton. The Doctor remagnetises the pod to bring Martha and Riley back. The Doctor begins being taken over by the star, and tells Martha to vent the engines, getting rid of the \"sun particles\" in the fuel. This causes the engines to start working again, and frees the ship from the star's pull."],"Transcript":["The TARDIS flies through a red Time Vortex; going forwards in time. Inside, the Doctor is using the sonic screwdriver on Martha's phone, while she stands nearby, watching. The Doctor begins to walk around the centre console, still working.","THE DOCTOR: There we go! Universal Roaming. Never have to worry about a signal again.","He throws the phone back to Martha, who catches is one-handed. Indeed, the screen now displays \"Universal Roaming Activated\". The Doctor begins to press buttons on the console.","MARTHA: No way! But it's... too mad! You're telling me I can call anyone, anywhere in Space and Time on my mobile?!","THE DOCTOR: Long as you know the area code. (Martha looks stunned. The Doctor smiles). Frequent Fliers' privilege. (Martha smiles back). Go on. Try it.","Martha begins to dial. Suddenly the TARDIS jolts, throwing both the Doctor and Martha to the floor. The monitor is now flashing red.","THE DOCTOR: Distress signal! Locking on! (With his foot, he activates a switch on the console). Might be a bit of... (Another violent jolt sends them both flying again. Then, all is still. The Doctor sits up)... Turbulence. Sorry! (He runs towards the doors, while Martha is still finding her feet, looking annoyed). Come on Martha! Let's take a look!","Martha runs after him. The TARDIS has landed in what looks to be an engine room, which is glowing red from extreme heat. The TARDIS doors open, and the Doctor leans out.","THE DOCTOR (walking out of the TARDIS): Whoa! Now that is hot!","MARTHA (also stepping out): Whoa! It's like a sauna in here!","She takes her jacket off.","THE DOCTOR (looking at pieces of equipment): Venting systems. Working at full pelt. Trying to cool down... (He stands up straight again). Uh, where-ever it is we are. Well! If you can't stand the heat... (He walks towards a heavy-duty door, opens it, and walks through. Above the door is a sign, saying \"Area 30\"). Well, that's better...","Three people, two men and a woman, Captain McDonnell, come running towards him from the opposite direction. They all look very hot.","RILEY: Oi! You two!","McDONNELL: Get out of there! !!","RILEY (pointing): Seal that door! Now!","The Doctor looks stunned and confused. The two men quickly seal the door, just after Martha steps out.","McDONNELL: Who are you? What are you doing on my ship?","RILEY: Are you police?","THE DOCTOR: Why would we be police?","MARTHA: We got your distress signal.","THE DOCTOR: If this is a ship, why can't I hear any engines?","McDONNELL: It went dead four minutes ago.","SCANNELL: So maybe we should stop chatting and get to engineering. Captain.","COMPUTER: Secure closure active.","McDONNELL (as a loud clang sounds behind her, and she looks).: What?!","SCANNELL: The ship's gone mad.","We see that yet another person, a woman, is running down the corridor, this time with doors slamming shut just behind her.","ERINA: Who activated secure closure? I nearly got locked in to area 27. (The closest door slams shut locking them into area 29. Sounding puzzled). Who are you?","The Doctor goes to answer, but Martha cuts him off. She sounds distracted.","MARTHA: He's the Doctor and I'm Martha. Hello.","She begins to walk forward. It looks like she has been possessed.","COMPUTER: Impact projection: 42 minutes.","Martha is heading for a small window, that appears to have golden light shining in.","McDONNELL: We'll get out of this. I promise.","MARTHA (shakily. She continues to look hypnotised): Doctor...","THE DOCTOR: Forty-two minutes 'til what? MARTHA (almost screaming, she presses her face up against the window): Doctor! !! Look.","The Doctor runs over and looks out of the window with her. We see them from outside the spaceship, a la \"The Girl In The Fireplace\". The spaceship is extremely long and thin, with a vertical shaft at one end. As the camera spins around, we see a burning sun, too close to the ship for comfort. It appears that the ship is hurtling towards it.","McDONNELL : Forty-two minutes until we crash into the sun.","OPENING CREDITS","The Doctor runs away from the window, over to McDonnell, and grabs her arm. He sounds panicky","THE DOCTOR: How many crew members on board?","McDONNELL: Seven, including us.","SCANNELL: We transport cargo across the galaxy. Everything's automated. We just keep the ship...","THE DOCTOR (runs back towards the door where he came from): Call the others, I'll get you out!","He goes to open the door. The crew members rush to stop him.","RILEY: What's he doing?!","McDONNELL: No! Don't!","But it is too late. The Doctor has opened the door. It has become so hot in area 30, the pure force knocks the Doctor backwards and off his feet. He yells as he falls. Martha automatically comes to his aid, but he's alright. One of the crew members shuts the door, dressed in breathing apparatus, whilst the others crowd round the Doctor.","THE DOCTOR: But my ship's in there!","RILEY: In the vent chamber?","The Crew member who shut the door takes their breathing apparatus off. It is the female crew member. She stands beside the door, and reads off of the gauges there.","THE DOCTOR: It's our lifeboat!","SCANNELL: It's lava.","ERINA: The temperature's going mad in there! Up 3000 degrees in ten seconds, and still rising.","RILEY: Channelling the air. The closer we get to the sun, the hotter that room's gonna get.","MARTHA(with contempt): We're stuck here.","THE DOCTOR: So? We fix the engines, we steer the ship away from the Sun! Simple! Engineering down here, is it?!","He begins running down a corridor. The computer readout showing the time until Solar Impact is shown. It is counting down. At the moment, it reads 00.40.26","COMPUTER: Impact in 40.26.","The Doctor, followed by McDonnell and the rest of the crew run down a set of stairs. The Doctor stops suddenly, bemused.","THE DOCTOR: Blimey! Do you always leave things in such a mess?","McDONNELL: Oh my god!","SCANNELL: What the hell happened?!","They all walk over to what looks like a completely wrecked engine. Wires, springs and casing are all over the place, all steaming. They all walk round the piece of machinery, surveying the damage.","RILEY: Oh, it's wrecked.","THE DOCTOR: Pretty efficiently too. Someone knew what they were doing.","The Doctor wanders over to a computer terminal, attached to the wreckage.","McDONNELL (looking round): Where's Korwin? Has anyone heard from him or Ashton?","SCANNELL: No.","MARTHA: You mean someone did this on purpose?","McDonnell runs over to an intercom system.","McDONNELL: Korwin? Ashton? Where are you? (No response). Korwin, can you answer?! (Still no answer. McDonnell leaves the intercom). Where the hell is he? He should be up here!","The Doctor has be scanning to find out where they are. Behind him, the crew are rushing about, trying to find Korwin, and trying to repair the ship.","THE DOCTOR (happily, with specs on): Oh! We're in the Torajji system! Lovely! (The screen readout shows a system of planets, circling a huge sun). You're a long way from home, Martha. Half a universe away.","He leaves the terminal.","MARTHA (sarcastically): Yeah. Feels it.","THE DOCTOR (to McDonnell): And, you're still using energy scoops for fusion? Hasn't that been outlawed yet?","The crew look at each other, guiltily.","McDONNELL (dismissively): We're due to upgrade next docking. (She walks away from the Doctor). Scannell, engine report.","Scannell walks over to the computer terminal the Doctor was at before. He scans, with everyone looking anxiously over his shoulder. The machine beeps several times.","SCANNELL: No response.","He runs over to the wrecked engine.","McDONNELL: What?!","SCANNELL (examining pieces of wire protruding from the wreck): They're burnt out. The controls are wrecked. I can't get them back online. THE DOCTOR (taking his glasses off): Oh come on! Auxiliary engines! Every craft's got auxiliaries!","McDONNELL: We don't have access from here. The auxiliary controls are in the front of the ship.","SCANNELL: Yeah, with 29 password sealed doors between us and them. You'll never get there in time.","MARTHA (sounding slightly put out): Can't you override the doors?","SCANNELL: No. Sealed closure means what it says. They're all dead-lock sealed.","THE DOCTOR (disappointed): So a sonic screwdriver's no use...","SCANNELL: Nothing's any use. We've got no engines, no time, and no chance.","THE DOCTOR: Oh listen to you! Defeated before you've even started! Where's your Dunkirk spirit?! (To McDonnell): Who's got the door passwords?","RILEY (Interrupting): They're randomly generated. Reckon I know most of 'em. Sorry. Riley Vashti.","THE DOCTOR (taking command): Then what're you waiting for Riley Vashti, get on it.","RILEY: Well, it's a two-person job (He goes and fetched what looks to be a huge magnetic clamp, and a huge backpack). One, it takes to answer the questions, and the other to carry this. (Putting the kit on his back). The oldest and cheapest security system around, eh captain?","McDONNELL: Reliable and simple, just like you, eh Riley?","RILEY: Try and be helpful, get abuse. Nice! MARTHA (taking equipment from Riley's hands) : I'll help you. Make myself useful.","RILEY: It's remotely controlled by computer panel. That's why it needs two.","Riley turns, and head away from the group. Martha makes to follow him.","THE DOCTOR (to Martha, seriously): Oi. (Martha turns to face him). Be careful.","MARTHA (smiling) You too.","She turns, and follows Riley away. Suddenly, a male voice comes over the intercom.","ASHTON (over comm.): McDonnell? It's Ashton.","McDonnell runs back over to the intercom panel.","McDONNELL: Where are you? Is Korwin with you?","ASHTON (deadly serious): Get up to the med-centre now!","McDonnell leaves the intercom and runs. The Doctor follows her. Outside the engine room, Martha and Riley are just setting up for their attempt at opening the doors, as McDonnell and the Doctor run past. The computer screen showing the countdown is shown again. This time reading \"Solar Impact in 00:34:31\".","COMPUTER: Impact in 34.31.","In the med-centre, a man, Korwin, is thrashing about in agony on a bed, by what looks to be an MRI scanner, his eyes tight shut. A man, Ashton, and a woman, Abi, are trying to restrain him.","KORWIN (in agony, between spasms of pain): Argh! Stop it!","ABI (struggling to restrain him): Korwin! It's Abi! Open your eyes, I need to take a look at you!","McDonnell and the Doctor run in.","McDONNELL: Korwin! What's happened?! Is he OK?!","The Doctor runs to the foot of the bed.","KORWIN (still thrashing about): Oh God! Help me! It's burning me! !!","THE DOCTOR: How long's he been like this?!","ABI: Ashton just brought him in.","The Doctor gets his Sonic Screwdriver out, and begins to scan Korwin. McDonnell panics.","McDONNELL: What are you doing?!","Korwin gives another shriek of pain.","THE DOCTOR: Sonic impulse.","McDONNELL (pushing past Ashton to the head of the bed): Don't be so stupid, that's my husband!","ASHTON: And he's just sabotaged our ship!","McDONNELL (turning to face Ashton): What?!","ASHTON: He went mad. He set the ship to secure closure, then he set the heat pulse to melt the controls.","McDONNELL: No way! He wouldn't do that!","ASHTON: I saw it happen, Captain.","The Doctor has finished scanning Korwin, and now tries to talk to him.","THE DOCTOR: Korwin? Korwin, open your eyes for me a second.","KORWIN (through the pain): I can't!","THE DOCTOR: Yeah, course you can. Go on.","KORWIN: Don't make me look at you! Please! !","The Doctor moves down the bed again, and picks up a sedative dart gun off a tray.","THE DOCTOR: Alright, alright, alright. Just relax. (He holds the gun up to Abi). Sedative?","ABI: Yes.","The Doctor presses the gun up against Korwin's neck, and administers the sedative. Korwin gives one final shout, then falls silent and still. The Doctor replaces the gun on the tray.","THE DOCTOR (perching on the bed and crossing his arms): Rising body temperature, unusual energy readings... (He points to the MRI scanner, which is actually a stasis chamber). Stasis chamber. I do love a good stasis chamber. Keep him sedated in there. Regulate the body temperature. (Abi looks at him questioningly, but rushes to do what he says. Ashton also looks at him, out of breath from the struggle or restraining Korwin). And, just for fun, run a bio-scan and tissue profile on a metabolic detail. ABI (looking around from what she is doing): Just doing them now.","THE DOCTOR: Oh, you're good. Anyone else presenting these symptoms?","ABI: Not so far.","THE DOCTOR: Well, that's something.","McDonnell is continuing to stand by Korwin's bed, looking down on him.","McDONNELL: Will someone tell me what is the matter with him?!","THE DOCTOR: Some sort of infection. We'll know more after the test results. Now, Allons-y, back downstairs. Ay! See about those engines. Go. (Ashton makes to leave. McDonnell remains static). Ay! Go. (She too leaves, reluctantly. To Abi): Call us if there's news! (He begins to run out of the med-centre). Any questions?","ABI (scoffing): Yeah. Who are you?","THE DOCTOR (sticking his head back through the plastic curtains at the door): I'm the Doctor!","The Doctor runs out, following McDonnell and Ashton, leaving Abi alone in the med-centre. She turns to runs some more tests, not looking at Korwin. As she does so, in the stasis chamber, Korwin's hands twitch. We see the spaceship hurtling towards the sun. The voice of the computer gives a status report.","COMPUTER: Heat shields failing. At twenty-five percent. (We return to the countdown screen, which now reads 00:32:50). Impact in 32.50.","Martha and Riley are at the first locked door. Riley is typing something on a keypad. He turns to Martha, who is stood by the locked door, looking bored.","MARTHA (sounding bored): Hurry up, will you?","RILEY: Alright. (He finishes typing). Fix the clamp on!","Martha lifts the clamp, and attaches it firmly to the door, and holds it there. She turns to see Riley typing more.","MARTHA: What are you typing?","RILEY: Each door's trip code is the answer to a random question set by the crew. Nine tours back, we got drunk, thought 'em up. Reckoning was if we're hijacked, we're the only ones who know all the answers.","MARTHA: So you type in the right answer...","RILEY (tapping the backpack that he bought along): This, sends an unlock pulse to the clamp. But we only get one chance per door. Get it wrong, the whole system freezes.","MARTHA: Better not get it wrong then.","RILEY (sounding slightly excited): OK. (He shifts over to a readout screen, where the first question is appearing. As it does so, he reads it out). Date of SS Pentallian's first flight? That's alright! (He types in the answer to the question, and yells to Martha). Go!","Martha presses the \"trigger\" on the clamp, it beeps a few times, the lights on the top of the clamp turn green, and the door opens.","MARTHA: Yes!","RILEY (running for the door): Only twenty-eight more to go!","They both run through the door, and on to the next one. The Doctor is talking into the intercom to Abi in the med-centre, who is looking at x-rays and bio-scans, looking very confused.","THE DOCTOR: Abi, how's Korwin doing? Any results from the bio-scan?","ABI: He's under heavy sedation. I'm just trying to make sense of this data. Give me a couple of minutes and I'll let you know.","Behind her, Korwin moves both his head and his arms. Martha and Riley are running down a corridor, when the come to another sealed door. The Doctor now calls them over the intercom.","THE DOCTOR: Martha? Riley? How're you doing?","MARTHA: Area twenty-nine, at the door to twenty-eight!","THE DOCTOR (putting his glasses on, and staring at the readout above the comm. Station). You've gotta move faster!","MARTHA: We're doing our best!","The next question appears on Riley's readout. Once again, he reads the question aloud.","RILEY: Find the next number in the sequence: 313, 331, 367... What?","MARTHA (scared): You said the crew knew all the answers.","RILEY: The crew's changed since we set the questions.","MARTHA: You're joking...","Back in the engine room, the Doctor has been working and listening in. He runs over to the intercom","THE DOCTOR: 379!","MARTHA: What?!","THE DOCTOR: It's a sequence of happy primes. 379.","MARTHA: Happy what?","THE DOCTOR: Just enter it!","RILEY: Are you sure? We only get one chance!","THE DOCTOR (slightly annoyed now, speaking at his trademark 100mph): Any number which reduces to one when you take the sum of the square of its digits and you continue iterating until it yields one is a happy number. Any number that doesn't, isn't. A happy prime is a number which is both happy and prime, now type it in! (Turns to McDonnell, who is climbing down a ladder. She gives him a dirty look). I dunno, talk about dumbing down! Don't they teach recreational mathematics any more?","Riley types in the answer the Doctor has given him. There is a slight build up, the lights on the clamp turn green, and the door opens.","MARTHA: We're through!","THE DOCTOR (over the intercom): Keep moving. Fast as you can. (Switch so we can see the Doctor take off his glasses. Quietly and sensitively). And, Martha, be careful. There may be something else on board this ship.","MARTHA: Any time you wanna unnerve me, feel free!","THE DOCTOR: Will do, thanks.","He switches the comm. off, and walks away. The countdown once again shows itself. This time it reads 00:30:50.","COMPUTER: Impact in 30. 50.","We go back to Martha and Riley, preparing the next door.","MARTHA: I can't believe our lives depend on some stupid pub quiz! (Sounding shocked). Is that the next one?","RILEY (putting his head in his hands, sounding downtrodden): Oh, this is a nightmare! (Reading off the screen). Classical music. Who had the most pre-download number ones, (pronouncing both names wrong) Elvis Presley or The Beatles? How're we supposed to know that?","The Doctor is looking at a piece of broken equipment, with the remaining crew stood around, watching him","THE DOCTOR: We need a backup in case they don't reach the auxiliary engines in time. Come on! Think! Resources, what have we got?!","Martha's voice comes over the intercom.","MARTHA: Doctor?","THE DOCTOR: What is it now?","MARTHA: Who had the most number ones, Elvis, or the Beatles. That's pre-download.","THE DOCTOR (confidently): Elvis. No! The Beatles! No! Wait! Um... um... (He looks in physical pain, and begins to slap the back of his head). Argh! What was that remix? Um... I don't know! I am a bit busy!","MARTHA (Sounding put out): Fine. I'll ask someone else!","THE DOCTOR: Now, where was I? Here comes the sun. No, resources. So, the power's still working, the generator's going. If we can harness that. Ah!","McDONNELL: Use the generator to jump-start the ship.","THE DOCTOR: Exactly! At the very least, it'll buy us some more time.","McDONNELL: That... is brilliant.","THE DOCTOR: I know! See! Tiny glimmer of hope!","Most of the crew are now smiling, knowing that there may be a way out.","SCANNELL: If it works.","McDONNELL: Oh, believe me. You're gonna make it work.","Scannell walks off, looking dejected. Ashton and the Doctor look at McDonnell with respect, whilst still smiling.","THE DOCTOR: That told him!","The countdown appears once again, this time reading 00:29:46.","COMPUTER: Impact in 29.46.","Back on Earth in 2007, we see Francine Jones' mobile ringing on a table, displaying Martha's name. Francine answers. She is in the kitchen, in the process of making a coffee.","FRANCINE: Hello?","MARTHA (on board the ship): Mum? It's me, it's Martha. Wow!","FRANCINE (slightly angry): Where are you? Don't you check your messages? I've been calling you.","MARTHA: Actually, bit busy. Need you to do something for me.","FRANCINE: No. Listen to me. We have to talk about this Doctor.","MARTHA: Mum! Please not now! I need you to look something up on the internet!","FRANCINE: Do it yourself. You've got a computer.","MARTHA (shouting down the phone). Oh just do it will you! (Both Riley and Martha looked stunned at what she has just done. She gives a slight laugh). Please.","FRANCINE (crossly): When did you get so rude? (She walks into the living room, and sits at the computer.) I'll tell you when. Ever since you met that man.","MARTHA (down to business): I need to know who had more number ones; the Beatles or Elvis? FRANCINE (Setting up her laptop). Hang on. The mouse is unplugged. (Martha half screams, half growls down the phone to illustrate her annoyance). OK, I'm on. What is this? Pub quiz?","MARTHA: Yeah, a pub quiz.","FRANCINE: Using your mobile is cheating.","MARTHA: Have you found it?!","FRANCINE: There's over four hundred thousand results. Give me a minute.","Riley looks impatient. The countdown appears again, displaying 00:28:50 until solar impact.","COMPUTER: Impact in 28.50.","Abi is still in the med-centre, pushing buttons, checking readings, and going about her business.","ABI (over the intercom): Doctor, these readings are starting to scare me.","THE DOCTOR (in the engine room): What d'you mean?","ABI: Well, (The Doctor and the rest of the crew listen intently) Korwin's body's changing! His whole biological make-up, it... it's impossible.","Hearing a bang from behind her, Abi looks up to the convex mirror above her head. In it, she sees that Korwin is up and about, even though he is meant to be under heavy sedation. She looks round, and sure enough, Korwin is standing there, his eyes tight shut.","ABI (into intercom): This is med-centre. (Her voice starts to rise). Urgent assistance requested. Urgent assistance!","The shot zooms in to the Doctor's shocked face, and he begins to run.","THE DOCTOR (as he runs, yelling): Stay here! Keep working!","McDonnell stops what she is doing, and begin to follow him. Ashton and Scannell both look at her as she goes. Erina runs in the opposite direction to get to a comm. Station.","ABI: Urgent assistance!","ERINA: Abi. They're on their way.","Ashton and Scannell continue to look and listen. In the med-centre, Korwin begins to advance towards Abi. She begins to back up, trying to stay calm.","ABI: What's happening to you?","KORWIN (in a deep, threatening voice that obviously is not his own): Burn with me. (This time, it is heard over the intercom, as far as Martha and Riley). Burn with me.","The Doctor and McDonnell are running towards the med-centre, when the Doctor suddenly slows. It turns out that Scannell has followed them as well.","SCANNELL: Captain?!","THE DOCTOR: I told you to stay in engineering!","SCANNELL: I only take orders form one person round here.","The Doctor once again looked shocked.","THE DOCTOR: Oh, is he always this cheery?","Back on Earth, Francine comes up with an answer.","FRANCINE: Elvis.","On the ship, Martha has completely forgotten why she is on the phone.","MARTHA: What?! (She suddenly realises). Really? (She points Riley over to the computer). Elvis.","In the med-centre, Korwin is still advancing. Abi is now backed up against a wall.","KORWIN: Burn with me.","ABI (really frightened): K... Korwin, you're sick...","Riley is typing in the answer to the question, when, in the med-centre, Korwin's voice takes on an even more menacing tone.","KORWIN: Burn. With. Me!","His eyes open, revealing a blinding white light where his eyes should be. Abi squints at this powerful light source. In the corridor, Martha and Riley have made it though the door, and are now running for the next one. Martha is still on the phone to her mum.","MARTHA: Mum, you're a star!","FRANCINE: Now, we need to have a serious...","Before the audience can hear her finish her sentence, we are taken back to the med-centre, where Abi is screaming at the brightness from Korwin's eyes. Over the intercom, Martha and Riley hear this, and stop in their tracks. Even Francine hears it over the phone.","FRANCINE: What was that?","MARTHA(shaken): I've gotta go.","She puts the phone down. At the other end, Francine does the same, looking shocked. Korwin is now putting on a heavy duty space helmet, and begins to breathe in a Darth Vader like way. He shuts the protective lenses over his eyes. Martha and Riley have made it to a comm. station, where they are getting in contact with the Doctor.","MARTHA: Doctor, what were those screams?","THE DOCTOR (still running for the med-centre. Yelling.): Concentrate on those doors! You've gotta keep moving forward!","They do so. Martha runs to attach the clamp to the next door. The countdown appears again, now displaying 00:27:06.","COMPUTER: Impact in 27.06.","The Doctor and McDonnell burst through the plastic sheeting that acts as a door to the med-centre. Scannell is already there, looking round. They all notice the bed where Korwin was is now empty.","McDONNELL (slightly shaken): Korwin's gone...","Scannell turns around, and stops in his tracks.","SCANNELL: Oh my God...","Both the Doctor and McDonnell turn to look in the same direction, and see what Scannell has spotted, a charred, black shape on a wall, in the shape of a person with one hand in the air. They realise that this charred shape was once Abi. The Doctor walks towards it.","SCANNELL: Tell me that's not Lerner.","THE DOCTOR (running his fingers round the outline of the shape): Endothermic vaporisation. I've never seen one this ferocious. (He looks distant). Burn with me.","SCANNELL: That's what we heard Korwin say.","McDONNELL: What?! D'you think... no way! Scannell, tell him! Korwin is not a killer! He can't vaporise people! He's human!","The Doctor notices something on the floor. He walks over, and picks up the x-rays and bioscan results that Abi was looking at before.","THE DOCTOR: His bioscan results... internal temperature, one hundred degrees! Body oxygen replaced by hydrogen! Your husband hasn't been infected, he's been overwhelmed!","McDONNELL (Snatching the bioscan results out of the Doctor's hand): The test results are wrong!","THE DOCTOR: But what is it though? Parasite? Mutagenic virus? Something that needs a host body. But how did it get inside him?!","McDONNELL (slightly hysterical): Stop talking like he's some kind of experiment!","THE DOCTOR: Where's the ship been? Have you made planet-fall recently? (McDonnell looks blank). Docked with any other vessels? Any kind of external contact at all?","McDONNELL: What is this? An interrogation?!","THE DOCTOR: We've got to stop him before he kills again.","McDONNELL: We're just... a cargo ship.","She turns away from the Doctor, looking distraught. Scannell tries to comfort her.","SCANNELL: Doctor, if you give her a minute...","The Doctor looks on, as Scannell faces McDonnell.","McDONNELL (recovering quickly): I'm fine. I need to warn the crew. (As the Doctor continues to puzzle over the bioscan results, McDonnell walks over to the intercom). Everybody listen to me! (The rest of the crew, including Riley and Martha, hears her, stops what they are doing, and looks up). Something has infected Korwin. We think... (As she pauses, the Doctor looks at her). He killed Abi Lerner. None of you must go anywhere near him, is that clear?","Outside engineering, Erina is searching through a storage cupboard for parts. While she is doing this, we hear Ashton's voice over the intercom.","ASHTON: Understood Captain. (We see him press a button on the comm. station, to change channels). Erina? Get back here with that equipment.","Looking annoyed, Erina grabs a control box, which has 4 buttons on it: Eng, Aux, All'and Mute. She presses the mute button with contempt, and continues to look though the cupboard.","ERINA (sarcastically, moaning): Whatever you say, boss. Go there. Come back. Fetch this. Carry these. Make drinks. Sweep up! Please, kill me now.","She fetches what she needs, and shuts the door. Behind it, however, stands Korwin in the space helmet. She hears him breathing, and looks round. She looks scared and shocked.","KORWIN (in the strange voice): Burn with me. (He begins to advance on her, as Erina backs up). Burn with me.","Erina is now up against a wall. Korwin's hand comes towards his helmet and he opens the sun visor to reveal the same bright light that killed Abi. Erina closes her eyes, and screams. The countdown appears yet again, this time reading 00:24:51.","COMPUTER: Impact in 24.51.","The Doctor, Scannell and McDonnell are still in the med-centre, with the Doctor still pouring over the bioscan results. McDonnell is sat, and Scannell is stood close by.","McDONNELL: Is the infection permanent? Can you cure him?","THE DOCTOR (seriously): I dunno.","McDONNELL: Don't lie to me, Doctor. Eleven years we've been married. We chose this ship together. He keeps me honest. So I don't want false hope.","THE DOCTOR (to the point): The parasite's too aggressive. Your husband's gone. There's no way back. Sorry.","McDONNELL (nodding, taking it in. Quietly): Thank you.","The Doctor suddenly seems to spring into life again. He walks towards McDonnell.","THE DOCTOR: Are you... certain nothing happened to provoke this? Nobody's working on anything secret, 'cause it's vital that you tell me.","McDONNELL: I know every inch of this ship. I know every detail of my crew's lives. There is nothing.","The Doctor stares at her harshly.","THE DOCTOR: Then why is this thing so interested in you?","McDONNELL (shaking her head slightly): I wish I knew...","Riley and Martha have now made it to the door to area 17. They manage to open the door, burst through it, and run for the next one. Martha knows what to do now, and so, without being asked, she goes to the door and holds the clamp up to it. In engineering, Ashton is continuing to fix bits and pieces to the engine.","MARTHA (over the intercom): Doctor, we're through to area 17.","THE DOCTOR: Keep going. you've got to get to area one and reboot those engines.","Suddenly, Ashton hears a loud bang, and another, and another. He looks out from where he is working to see a pair of feet walking towards him. He takes little notice, and goes back to working.","ASHTON: You got those tools, Erina? 'Cause I... woah!","Ashton is suddenly yanked forward, and out from under the engine. he looks directly upward, to see Korwin stood above him. Korwin reaches out grabs him by the collar, and pulls him up.","ASHTON (while still in Korwin's grip): Korwin... it's me. We're mates!","KORWIN: They are getting too far. We must share the light.","Korwin moves his hands up to either side of Ashton's face. Ashton looks is an enormous amount of pain, and it soon becomes apparent why. Underneath where Korwin's hands are, Ashton's face begins to smoulder and smoke, as if he I being burned. Ashton screams. Outside the spaceship, the sun is getting ever closer.","COMPUTER: Heat shield failing. At twenty percent.","Riley is having trouble getting the latest computer terminal to work.","RILEY (hitting the terminal): Come on! (To Martha, who has stopped to see what's wrong). Everything on this ship is so cheap! (They both hear a bang, and look in the direction it came from). Who's there?!","The banging continues, so they both down tools, and go to investigate. As they get closer to the door, through the smoke, they can make out a figure.","MARTHA (quietly, scared): Is that Korwin?","RILEY: No, wait a minute... (The figure comes forward, and he is wearing the same space helmet as Korwin. However, Riley recognises him). Oh, Ashton, what're you doing?","ASHTON (in a similar, deeper voice to Korwin): Burn with me.","RILEY: Well, if you wanna help...","ASHTON: Burn with me! Burn with me!","Ashton's hand moves up, to remove the eye shield. Riley and Martha realise that Ashton has been possessed.","MARTHA (slapping the button that opens a nearby door): Move! (As it begins to slide open, Martha squeezes through the gap). Come on!","She enters a small room, and cowers in the far corner. Riley follows her, and, next to them, punches the keypad that will once again close the door. The door begins to slide shut. Once the door is fully closed, Riley and Martha heave a sigh of relief. However, they quickly see Ashton's helmet through the porthole, and he begins to pound on the door. Riley presses another combination on the keypad that opens a hatch next to them; an escape pod. They climb inside, and shut the door.","RILEY: What is happening on this ship?!","MARTHA: Never mind that. Where are we?","Before Riley can answer, the computer's voice makes an announcement.","COMPUTER: Airlock sealed. Jettison escape pod.","Martha, still unsure of where they are, questions Riley, angrily and full of fright.","MARTHA: That doesn't mean us? (Realising that it does, and seeing Riley lunge for the internal keypad, she screams at the top of her lungs). Doctor! !!!","COMPUTER: Pod jettison initiated.","Riley is frantically typing on the keypad inside the pod. Outside the airlock, Ashton stands, watching. The small screen by the keypad shows the status of the pod, \"Jettison initiated\". Martha tries the small comm. unit, next to where Riley is working.","MARTHA: Doctor! We're stuck in an escape pod off the area seventeen airlock. (The Doctor, running down a corridor, hears Martha's voice, and stops in his tracks). One of the crew's trying to jettison us! You've gotta help us! (To Riley, breathing heavily): Tell me you can stop it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In engineering, the Doctor is looking at something. McDonnell and Scannell are watching him.","McDONNELL: Why is this happening?","THE DOCTOR (taking his glasses off): Stay here! I mean it this time! (As he runs off). Jump start those engines!","McDonnell and Scannell start to walk towards the engines. Through the smoke, they see the ominous charred shape on a wall. They slowly begin to realise...","McDONNELL: It's picking us off... one, by one.","In the escape pod, Riley is still frantically trying to reverse the jettisoning process.","COMPUTER: Jettison held.","Both Riley and Martha heave a sigh of relief.","RILEY: Thank you...","However, on the outside, Ashton uses his keypad to restart the process.","COMPUTER: Jettison reactivated.","Martha screams and begins to hit the door wildly. Behind her, Riley once again starts tapping wildly on the keypad.","RILEY: Come on...","Ashton is now entering something else into his keypad. It is becoming a race of who can type the fastest. The Doctor is haring down through the corridor, to try and reach Martha in time. Inside the pod, Riley comes up with an idea.","RILEY: Geovinsci sequence. This'll get him.","As Ashton continues to try and jettison the pod, the screen readout changes.","COMPUTER: Jettison held. Escape pod stabilised.","Both Riley and Martha breathe a sigh of relief.","MARTHA (quietly): You're pretty good.","However, outside the airlock, Ashton is once again typing something into the keypad. McDonnell and Scannell run back into engineering, looking for Ashton.","McDONNELL: Ashton!","When they draw level with the broken equipment, they realise that Ashton isn't there.","SCANNELL: Someone's hacked into the systems. I can't reroute the generators! There's no way I'm gonna be able to jump-start this ship! (In a fit of rage, he swiftly gives the equipment a good kick. He turns, and begins to run in the direction he and McDonnell came from). Who the hell did that?!","McDonnell, trying to stay calm, turns away from him. But, through the smoke strides a figure. A figure in a space helmet...","McDONNELL: Korwin? (She begins to back away as Korwin advances). What are you? Why are you killing my crew?! (Korwin's hand goes to open the protective visor). How could you do this? What have you done to my husband?! (Korwin stops. Sounding slightly surprised). You recognise me. Korwin! You know me. (Korwin's hand leaves the visor. McDonnell starts to tear). It's Kath! Your wife!","KORWIN: My wife?","McDONNELL: That's right! You're still in there! I'm your wife!","KORWIN :l It's your fault.","McDonnell's face falls. She begins to back away. The Doctor is running at full pelt, to try and get to Martha on time. In the escape pod, Riley is tapping to keypad, but outside, just as quickly, Ashton is following suit. Suddenly, the Doctor appears through the door from area 17.","THE DOCTOR: That's enough! (Ashton turns to look at the Doctor). What do you want? Why this ship? Tell me!","Rather than answer him, Ashton turns, and puts his fist through the keypad. Inside the pod, a series of sirens begin to sound, and the computer gives a warning.","COMPUTER: Jettison activated.","RILEY (numb to their peril): He's smashed the circuit. I can't stop it. (Suddenly beginning to panic). I can't stop it!","McDonnell is still backing away from Korwin. Behind her, Scannell is standing and watching.","McDONNELL: What do you mean, it's my fault?","KORWIN: It's your fault. Now burn with me!","He lifts his hand to his visor once again, but suddenly, a jet of steam engulfs Korwin from above. He screams. McDonnell looks round to see Scannell turning a pressure gauge wheel, which is causing the steam.","McDONNELL: What are you doing?!","SCANNELL: Freezing him! Ice vents!","McDONNELL: You'll kill him!","Back in area 17, the Doctor and Ashton are still at a stand-off, while the pod is preparing to jettison.","THE DOCTOR: Come on. Let's see you. (Ashton advances on the Doctor, until they are almost nose to nose). I wanna know what you really are...","Ashton lifts his hand to his visor. In engineering, Korwin is still being frozen by the ice jets, still screaming. Suddenly, he falls to his knees. Ashton, at exactly the same moment, is overcome, doubles up and backs away from the Doctor. However, this only lasts a few seconds, before he stands upright again, and once again, heads straight for the Doctor. We are aware that the pod is getting closer and closer to jettisoning.","COMPUTER: Airlock sealed.","However, instead of resuming his attack on the Doctor, Ashton jostles past him, and heads out of area 17. The Doctor skids over to the nearest comm. unit.","THE DOCTOR: McDonnell! Ashton's heading in your direction! (McDonnell and Scannell, kneeling over Korwin's body, hear the Doctor over the intercom). He's been infected, just like Korwin!","Scannell stands, and heads to a comm. unit.","SCANNELL: Korwin's dead, Doctor.","Inside the pod, Martha is still hopelessly tapping on the porthole.","MARTHA: This thing's locked!","Over the siren, the computer gives another warning.","COMPUTER: Airlock decompression completed. (The display changes from \"Jettison reactivated\" to a flashing \"disengaging\"). Jettisoning pod.","The Doctor looks up, and realises that Martha is still inside. He skids over to the airlock door, where he can see Martha, just a few feet away, tapping on the glass, and calling his name, although he can hear nothing.","MARTHA: Doctor!","THE DOCTOR: I'll save you!","Inside the pod, Riley is resigned to his fate.","RILEY: Martha, it's too late.","Martha ignores him, and continues to shout and tap on the window.","MARTHA: Doctor!","THE DOCTOR: I'll save you!","MARTHA: I can't hear you!","As the pod disengages, Martha sees the Doctor mouth the words: I'll save you! , over and over, as he gets smaller and smaller. Martha looks distraught. The pod slowly moves out into space, and towards the sun.","MARTHA (very quietly) : Coward.","Although a sombre moment, the computer reminds everyone that this is a race against time.","COMPUTER: Impact in 17.05.","McDonnell is still knelt by Korwin. Scannell stands above her, then crouches.","SCANNELL: What did he mean, your fault? (She doesn't answer. Instead, she reaches out to stroke Korwin's face, but, before she can make contact, Scannell pushes her hand away). What are you doing? Don't touch him, he's infected. You don't know how it spreads.","McDonnell looks up at Scannell, a dark look in her eyes.","McDONNELL: You murdered him!","SCANNELL: He was about to kill you!","McDONNELL: He recognised me!","SCANNELL: You heard the Doctor. It... it isn't Korwin anymore.","McDONNELL: The Doctor doesn't know! None of us knows!","SCANNELL: So what are you gonna do? Stay there until we burn?! Cause without you... none of us stand a chance of getting out of here.","Suddenly, the mood is broken by the Doctor's voice, barking over the intercom.","THE DOCTOR: Scannell! I need a spacesuit in area 17, now!","SCANNELL: What for?","In area 17, the Doctor is crouched by the comm. unit, looking and sounding incredibly angry and frustrated.","THE DOCTOR (yelling at the top of his voice): Just get down here! !!","He stands upright, and stalks over to the airlock door. In engineering, Scannell looks unsure of what to do.","McDONNELL: Well go on! Do what he says!","SCANNELL: Ashton's still out there.","McDONNELL: I'll deal with him.","Scannell gets up and walks off, leaving McDonnell with Korwin. Inside the escape pod, still falling towards the sun, Martha and Riley seem incredibly calm. They are both looking out of the porthole, out at space.","RILEY: The wonderful world of space travel. The prettier it looks, the more likely it is to kill you.","MARTHA: He'll come for us.","RILEY (shaking his head): Nah, it's too late. Out heat shields will pack in any minute, then we go into free fall. We'll fall into the sun way before he has a chance to do anything.","MARTHA: You don't know the Doctor. I believe in him.","RILEY: Then you're lucky. I've never found anyone worth believing in.","Martha turns to face him.","MARTHA: No girlfriend? Boyfriend?","RILEY: The job doesn't lend itself to stable relationships.","MARTHA: Family then?","RILEY: My dad's dead. And I haven't seen my mum in... six years. She didn't want me to sign up for cargo tours. Things were said, and since then... all silent. She wanted to hold on to me, I know that. She's so stubborn!","MARTHA (slightly upset, with a quiver in her voice): Yeah well, that's family.","RILEY: What about you?","MARTHA: Full works. Mum, dad. Dad's girlfriend. Brother, sister. No silence there. So much noise. Oh god! (Tears begin to fall, as she realises). They'll never know! I... I'll just have disappeared. And they'll always be waiting.","RILEY: Call them.","Martha looks at him, slightly stunned. Ashton is still heading towards engineering. He steps through the door of area 30, stops, turns, and heads up a flight of metal stairs. At the top of the stairs stands McDonnell. As Ashton heads up, she turns, and walks away. Ashton follows her. She has gone back into the medical suite. As Ashton walk though the plastic, he pauses, and looks at the stasis chamber that originally held Korwin. As he begins to walk forward, McDonnell jumps from nowhere and punched him in the stomach. He doubles over, winded, and she begins to wrestle him towards the stasis chamber. As she gets him led on the bed, her arms flail, trying to find the switch that activates the chamber. She finds it, and continues to hold Ashton down until the chamber has done its work. She bends over, exhausted but relieved. In area 17, the Doctor is now dressed in a space suit, (similar to the one we saw him in, in \"The Impossible Planet \/ The Satan Pit\"). Scannell is trying to talk him out of whatever he has planned.","SCANNELL: I can't let you do this.","THE DOCTOR: You're wasting your breath, Scannell You're not gonna stop me.","SCANNELL: You wanna open an airlock in flight on a ship spinning into the sun. No-one can survive that!","THE DOCTOR: Oh, just you watch.","SCANNELL: You open that airlock, it's suicide. This close to the sun, the shields will barely protect you.","THE DOCTOR: If I can breach the magnetic lock on the ship's exterior, it should remagnetise the pod. Now, while I'm out there, you have got to get the rest of those doors open. We need those auxiliary engines.","SCANNELL: Doctor, will you listen! They're too far away, it's too late!","THE DOCTOR: I'm not gonna lose her.","The Doctor completes his outfit by putting his helmet on. He walks past Scannell to the airlock door, which slides open. He walks inside, looking intense. Out of the window in the exterior door, the sun blazes.","COMPUTER: Decompression, initiating. (We hear the air begin to be removed from the atmosphere around the Doctor. The computer gives another time warning). Impact in 12. 55.","Back in 2007, Francine Jones' mobile rings once again. She picks it up off of the sideboard, and answers.","FRANCINE (recognising Martha's number): Hello.","MARTHA (from the pod): Me again. Sorry about earlier.","FRANCINE: Is everything alright?","MARTHA: Yeah. Course.","FRANCINE: Martha?","MARTHA: Mum, I... you know I love you, don't you?","FRANCINE: Course I do. What's bought this on?","MARTHA: I never say it. Never get the time. I never think of it, and I... (Her voice breaks). I really love you. Tell dad, Leo and Tish that I love them.","It is only now that we see that Francine isn't alone. A sinister blonde woman is sat at the table behind her, with earphones in, listening to every word Martha says.","FRANCINE: Martha, what's wrong?","MARTHA: Nothing. Promise.","FRANCINE: Where are you?","MARTHA: Just out.","FRANCINE: With anyone nice?","MARTHA: Some mates.","FRANCINE: What mates?","MARTHA (with a slight pause): Mum, can we not just talk?","FRANCINE: Of course. What do you want to talk about?","MARTHA: I dunno, anything! What you had for breakfast. What you watched on telly last night. How much you're gonna kill Dad next time you see him. Anything.","FRANCINE: Is the Doctor with you? Is he there, now?","MARTHA (with tears rolling down her cheeks now): Mum, just leave it.","FRANCINE: It's a simple enough question.","MARTHA: I'd better go. FRANCINE (looking round, she sees the sinister woman give a hand gesture, signifying \"Keep her talking\"). Um, no Martha, wait!","MARTHA: See you, mum.","She hangs up. On the other end, Francine sighs, looking disappointed, while the sinister woman looks on. In the pod, Martha is so upset, she turns to Riley, and he envelops her in a hug, and kisses her forehead. The computer continues to count down.","COMPUTER: Impact in 11.15. (As the Doctor walks towards the exterior airlock door, the computer warns). Heat shield failing. At ten percent.","The Doctor presses a button on a keypad, which opens the exterior door. He recoils slightly from the heat and brightness of the sun, but soon recovers, grabs hold of the frame, and, battling against the vacuum, begins to clamber out onto the outer hull of the ship. He is almost swept away a couple of times, before he gets himself in the right position, and swings his hand out to try and reach a column of buttons, just to the right of the airlock. He hisses first time, but continues to stretch out, trying to get there.","THE DOCTOR (in anger and desperation, through gritted teeth). Come on! !! (He manages press the right button, and exclaims). Go on my son!","He still has more work to do, and now tries to reach the box just to the right of the buttons. Scannell's voice suddenly comes over his personal comm.","SCANNELL: Doctor! How're you doing?","THE DOCTOR (stretching as far as he can to reach the handle that will open the box). I can't! I can't reach! (Beginning to become overwhelmed by everything). I don't know how much longer I can last!","SCANNELL: Come on! Don't give up now!","These words seem to boost the Doctor, and he continues to stretch, until he finally manages to grab the handle and yank the cover off of the box. Inside is a lever, that with a scream of pain and strength, the Doctor grabs hold of, and tries with all his might to pull down, and does. Inside the pod, Martha and Riley are knocked backwards with an invisible force, and the display shows the single word \"Remagnetising\".","RILEY: We're being pulled back!","MARTHA (knowing exactly who made it happen): I told you! (She half laughs, half screams). It's the Doctor!","As the Doctor struggles back inside the airlock, the pod slowly but sure heads back to its docking point, with Martha and Riley looking excitedly out of the porthole. The Doctor, even though he is now inside, clambers to his knees, so his can see over the bottom lip of the airlock, and out to the sun. He looks confused and frightened, as the light reflects intensely off his helmet, and seeing the swirling molten surface.","THE DOCTOR: It's alive... (Whispers). It's alive?... (With realisation). It's alive!","Back inside the spaceship, Scannell and McDonnell are doing what the Doctor said, and continuing to open the doors. They have now reached area 10. Before Scannell reaches the door, he calls over the intercom.","SCANNELL: Doctor, close the airlock now! (To McDonnell, running through the door). That pod's gonna smash into him!","McDONNELL (giving him the clamp). Stay here!","She runs back the way she came, towards area 17 and the Doctor. The computer gives another countdown warning.","COMPUTER: Impact in. 8.57. (In the airlock, the Doctor removes his helmet. He seems to be in a lot of pain, on his knees with his eyes clamped tight shut). Airlock recompression completed.","The Doctor literally falls out of the airlock back into the corridor of the spaceship, still on his knees. Martha and Riley clamber out of the escape pod, and run to the Doctor, who is now writhing with pain on the floor.","MARTHA: Doctor! Doctor! (As she reaches the Doctor, she realises that something is wrong. She crouches beside him). Are you OK?","Martha flips the Doctor onto his back, so he can sit up. However, as she does so, the Doctor opens his eyes, and reveals that whatever infected Korwin and Ashton now has got him too.","THE DOCTOR (trying to fight whatever it is that has him, sounding angry): Stay away from me!","He closes his eyes again, and continues to writhe with pain. Martha quickly does what he says, and backs away. Behind them, McDonnell appears.","McDONNELL: What's happened?","THE DOCTOR (still in his normal voice, rather than the strange deep voice seen in Korwin and Ashton): It's your fault, Captain McDonnell! McDONNELL (looking shocked, but quickly regaining composure. Pointing away from them). Riley! Get down to area 10 and help Scannell with the doors. Go!","Riley does as she says.","THE DOCTOR (shouting): You mined that sun! Stripped its surface for cheap fuel! You should have scanned for life!","McDONNELL: I don't understand.","MARTHA: Doctor, what are you talking about?!","THE DOCTOR (trying to fight the pain): That sun is alive! A living organism! They scooped out its heart, used it for fuel, and now it's screaming!","McDONNELL (panicking): What do you mean? How can a sun be alive? Why's he saying that?!","THE DOCTOR: Because it's living in me. McDONNELL (realising what she has done): Oh my god...","THE DOCTOR (really angry now): Humans! You grab whatever's nearest and bleed it dry! (Screaming in agony and anguish). You should have scanned!","McDONNELL: It takes too long! We'd be caught! Fusion scoops are illegal. THE DOCTOR (still crying out in pain): You've got to freeze me, quickly! MARTHA (rushing back to his side): What?!","THE DOCTOR: Stasis chamber! You gotta keep me... below minus 200. Freeze it out of me! !! (He screams again. Martha looks at McDonnell in disgust. Rather than anguish, the Doctor now sounds and looks scared). It'll use me to kill you if you don't! The closer we get to the sun, the stronger (almost overcome) it gets! Med-centre! Quickly! Quickly! MARTHA (screaming a command to McDonnell): Help me! !!","McDonnell rushes over to help. Se grabs his free arm, and between them, Martha and McDonnell half carry, half drag the Doctor towards the med-centre. The computer readout counts ever closer towards zero.","COMPUTER: Impact in, 7.30.","In engineering, Korwin's body is still led there. However, all is not as it seems. Korwin's hand once again begins to twitch, as he comes round from the freezing process. His arm moves down towards the discarded helmet. He begins to slide it across the floor... Riley sprints into area 10, finally catching up with Scannell. Scannell quickly throws him a component of the unlocking system, and they get to work.","SCANNELL: What's your favourite colour?!","RILEY: You what?","SCANNELL: It's the question!","RILEY: Purple! (Running to the door, and placing the clamp onto it. Scannell begins to tap in the answer. Turning suddenly). Or did I say orange?","SCANNELL (angrily): Come on!","Martha and McDonnell are still taking the Doctor to the med-centre. As they break through the plastic, he screams. Martha runs forward to the stasis chamber, and grabs the instruction manual.","MARTHA (to herself) : I can do it!","THE DOCTOR (reaching out blindly): Martha, where are you?!","MARTHA: It's alright! I'm here! (She runs back and grabs the Doctor). It's me! Here I am! Stasis chamber, minus 200, yeah?","The two women lift the Doctor onto the stasis chamber bed.","McDONNELL: No, you don't know how this equipment works! You'll kill him! Nobody can survive those temperatures!","MARTHA: He's not human! If he says he can survive, then he can.","McDONNELL: Let me help you then!","MARTHA (angrily and full of hate): You've done enough damage.","Martha goes back to working out how the chamber works.","THE DOCTOR: Ten seconds. That's all I'll be able to take. No more! (He screams). Martha!","MARTHA: Yeah?","THE DOCTOR (He gurgles and retches) : It's burning me up. I can't control it. If you don't get rid of it, (Darkly, as if the presence of the sun is breaking through) I could kill you. I could kill you all. (The Doctor seems to break back through as he screams, however, now he sounds like a child, genuinely frightened). I'm scared! I'm so scared!","MARTHA: Just... stay calm. You saved me, now I return the favour. Just... just believe in me.","THE DOCTOR: It's bloody killing me! Then what'll happen?!","MARTHA (trying to soothe him): That's enough! I've got you!","THE DOCTOR: There's this process. This... this thing... that happens... if I'm about to die.","MARTHA: Shhh... quiet now. Cause that is not gonna happen. You ready?","THE DOCTOR: No!","Looking upset, Martha leaves his side, and pushes the lever that slides the Doctor back into the stasis chamber. She types in \"200\", and presses the button to start the process. Inside, the Doctor screams continuously. Martha watches as the readout shows the temperature inside the machine rapidly dropping. As the spaceship continues to fall towards the sun, the computer speaks once again.","COMPUTER: Heat shields failing. At five percent.","In engineering, Korwin is fully recovered. Through the smoke, we see him stand. He looks over to a readout on the wall. A light comes on with a 'ping'. It reads 'Power drain Med-centre. Stasis chamber active. Korwin walks over to a wall, and pulls a lever on a box. A single word changes on the readout. \"Active\" becomes \"Inactive\". In the med-centre, the stasis chamber hits minus 70 degrees, but then shuts off. The Doctor is still whimpering in the background. Martha and McDonnell look shocked. Inside the stasis chamber, the Doctor is covered in ice crystals.","THE DOCTOR: No! Martha you can't stop it! Not yet!","MARTHA: What's happened?!","McDONNELL: Power's been cut in engineering.","MARTHA: But who's down there?","McDONNELL (knowing very well what the answer is): Leave it to me.","Martha watches as McDonnell runs from the room. Behind her, the Doctor lets out another round of screams. he computer continues to count down.","COMPUTER: Impact in 4.47.","Scannell and Riley have made it to area 4. They sprint through the door, and straight over to the next one. Scannell deals with the backpack, while Riley holds the clamp to the door.","SCANNELL: Reckon we'll do it in time?","Riley looks on, with a resigned look on his face. In the med-centre, Martha is still trying to get the stasis chamber working again.","MARTHA: Come on! You're defrosting.","Inside the stasis chamber, we can see that all of the ice crystals are gone from the Doctor's body. He cries out in pain once again.","THE DOCTOR: Martha! Listen! (Martha peers inside the chamber). I've only got a moment. You've gotta go!","MARTHA: No way!","THE DOCTOR: Get to the front! Vent the engines! Sun particles in the fuel! Get rid of them!","MARTHA: I am not leaving you!","THE DOCTOR: You've got to! Give back what they took!","MARTHA: Doctor!","THE DOCTOR (screaming): Please! Go! !!","MARTHA (doing as he says): I'll be back for you.","The countdown screen appears again.","COMPUTER: Impact in 4.08.","As McDonnell enters engineering, Korwin steps out to black her path.","McDONNELL (eyeing the lever she needs to get to): You were right. It was my fault.","She goes to grab the lever, but Korwin reaches out, and she stops. He goes to open his visor, but before he can, McDonnell runs. The countdown screen shows itself.","COMPUTER: Impact in 3.43.","Martha is running to try and get to the front of the ship in time. She passes through area 21, and continues. Korwin is also stalking the corridors of the ship, looking for McDonnell. She is hidden in a corner, which we soon see is inside the airlock where the drama took place earlier. Korwin reaches the interior airlock door, and looks through the porthole, only to see the sun out of the exterior hatch. Korwin opens the interior door, and walks inside. He looks down, and sees McDonnell crouched in her corner. Slowly, she stands.","McDONNELL (walking towards the exterior hatch): I didn't know. I really didn't know. (Korwin begins to advance on her. She puts out her hand to try and stop him). Korwin, please stop.","She is now stood right in front of the exterior hatch.","KORWIN: Everyone. Must. Burn!","McDonnell reaches out, and presses the button that first closes the interior door, and then presses the comm. button.","McDONNELL: Riley, Scannell. I'm sorry.","Hearing their names, the two boys rush over to a comm. unit.","SCANNELL: McDonnell! McDonnell! !","Korwin looks at McDonnell, who presses the big red button that opens the exterior hatch. She puts her hands on Korwin's helmet, and moves in close.","McDONNELL (whispering): I love you.","Entwined in each others' embrace, McDonnell and Korwin are dragged out into space, and fall towards the sun. The computer gives a message.","COMPUTER: Exterior airlock opened.","Scannell and Riley look at one another, realising what McDonnell has done.","RILEY: It's the last door. We've gotta keep going!","He rushes back over to the sealed door. The computer gives another time update.","COMPUTER: Impact in 2.17.","In the med-centre, the Doctor falls out of the stasis chamber. Meanwhile, Martha is still running towards the front of the ship. The Doctor is still fighting the sun inside him, and is thrown over the controls of the stasis chamber, before being hurled back onto the floor by an invisible force. He is still crying out in pain, while trying to pull himself upright. The computer gives a warning.","COMPUTER: Survival element protection. Zero percent.","As Martha enters area 4, the Doctor, now out of the med-centre, crawls along the floor in an attempt to follow her.","THE DOCTOR: Martha!","Martha stops when she hears him.","MARTHA: Doctor! What are you doing?","The Doctor has stopped crawling, and with his last reserves of energy.","THE DOCTOR: I can't fight it. Give it back or... (But it is too late. His eyes open, glowing with the heat of the sun). Burn with me. Burn with me, Martha!","Martha realises that the Doctor has been taken over, and so continues running. The computer warns that there is now less than 90 seconds before impact.","COMPUTER: Impact in 1.21.","The Doctor screams, glowing with the hue of the sun around him. Scannell and Riley hear this over the intercom, but keep working, trying to get the last door open. They finally succeed.","RILEY (shouting as the door swings open): Got it!","Both he and Scannell run through the door into area 1. The computer is giving other warnings about the state of the ship, but Riley and Scannell don't hear them. They rush over to two separate keypads, and type as fast as they can, trying to boot up the auxiliary engines.","COMPUTER: Impact in 1.06.","Done with typing, the two boys move over to a wall covered in switched, buttons, and controls. They both begin frantically pulling, pressing, and realigning controls.","RILEY (looking at a screen, expecting to see a positive result, but instead receives only static) : It's not working. Why's it not working?!","Suddenly Martha rounds the bend into area 1. She launches straight into giving them the Doctor's instructions.","MARTHA: Vent the engines. Dump the fuel.","Both Riley and Scannell look questioningly at her.","SCANNELL: What?","MARTHA: Sun particles in the fuel. Get rid of them. (When neither one responds). Do it. Now! !","The boys spring into action. They head to two practically identical walls, and begin turning dials, which in turn release the fuel.","MARTHA: Come on Doctor, hold on.","Once all the dials have been turned, one of the boys twists the 'fuel dispersal' dial, which causes the ship to lurch, and for them all to be flung about. However, the readout shows that the fuel is successfully leaking out of the bottom of the ship. As Martha holds on, and the Doctor continues to scream, the ships fuel falls back into the sun, causing the Doctor's eyes to stop glowing. He turns onto his back, his eyes returned to normal. However, he appears to still be in a lot of pain. As more and more fuel is released, the lurching gets more and more violent, until Martha is thrown from where she stands.","SCANNELL: There! How're we gonna fly?!","As the countdown hits zero, the computer gives a final message.","COMPUTER: Impact averted. Impact averted.","Riley is breathing heavily, led on the floor, having been thrown about. Martha, looking around, pulls herself into a sitting position. Scannell pops up to his feet. Riley can't believe they are safe.","RILEY: We're clear! We've got just enough reserves.","With beaming smiles, Scannell and Riley embrace. Martha smiles too for a few seconds, but realises somebody is missing.","MARTHA: Doctor...","She turns and runs from the scene to find him. As she runs towards him, the Doctor, looking slightly worse for wear, pulls himself to his feet. When Martha reaches him, she pulls him into a hug. He lifts her clean off the ground, weak as he is, and they both share a giggle of happiness. As the ship flies through space, everything has returned to normal on the inside, apart form the distinct lack of crew members. Riley and Scannell are stood, admiring the TARDIS, while The Doctor and Martha walk round it, checking to see that she's OK.","SCANNELL: This is never your ship!","THE DOCTOR: Compact! Eh! And another good word, robust! Barely a scorch mark on her.","MARTHA (concerned about the boys): We can't just leave them drifting with no fuel.","RILEY: We've sent out an official mayday. The authorities will pick us up soon enough.","SCANNELL: Though how we explain what happened...","THE DOCTOR (opening the door to the TARDIS): Just tell them. That sun needs care and protection, just like any other living thing.","Scannell nods. The Doctor steps inside the TARDIS, and Martha makes to follow him, but before she can do so, Riley grabs her arm.","RILEY: So... uh, you're off then. (Martha nods). No chance I'll see you again?","MARTHA: Not really. It was nice... not dying with you. (They both give a half hearted laugh). I reckon you'll find someone worth believing in.","RILEY: I think I already did.","Unsure of what to do for a second, Martha decides, and launches herself onto Riley, and kisses him. He is very pleasantly surprised. Scannell looks on.","MARTHA (unsure of what to say): Well done. Very hot.","Riley gives a little laugh. Martha steps into the TARDIS, and shuts the door. As she walks up the ramp to the centre console, she is beaming.","MARTHA: So! Didn't really need you in the end, did we?! (However, rather than his usual beaming self, the Doctor looks sad and distant). Sorry. How're you doing?","Rather than answer her, the Doctor becomes business like.","THE DOCTOR: Now! What do you say? Ice skating on the mineral lakes of Cuhlhan. Fancy it?","Instead of smiling, Martha looks disappointed, as she wishes the Doctor would open up to her.","MARTHA (unenthusiastically): Whatever you like.","The Doctor looks at her and realises.","THE DOCTOR: By the way, you'll be needing this.","He pulls a TARDIS key on a long chain out.","MARTHA (unbelieving): Really?!","THE DOCTOR: Frequent Flier's Privilege. (He slowly feeds it into her hand, and looks at her properly) Thank you.","MARTHA: Don't mention it. (He gives her a weak smile, and continues to tinker with the TARDIS. Martha realises something, and feels about for her mobile). Oh no! Mum!","The Doctor looks at her as she dials. Francine picks up at the other end.","FRANCINE: Hello?","MARTHA: Me again!","FRANCINE (slightly sarcastic): Three calls in one day.","MARTHA: Sorry about earlier. Over emotional, mad day!","FRANCINE: What are you doing tonight? Why don't you come round? I'll make something nice and we can catch up.","MARTHA: Yeah! Tonight. Do my best. Um, just remind me, what day is it again?","FRANCINE: Election day.","MARTHA: Right. Course. I'll be round for tea. Roughly.","FRANCINE: And what about...","but she is interrupted.","MARTHA: Anyway, gotta go! See you later! Love you!","Martha hangs up, smiling. At the other end, Francine turns her phone off, looking slightly annoyed. She turns around, and walks over to the table, where the sinister woman is sat, putting her earphones away, flanked by two burly men in suits. Francine hands her phone over to them, by dropping it in a clear plastic bag held by the sinister woman.","FRANCINE: That's all?","SINISTER WOMAN: For now. Have you voted?","FRANCINE: Of course. Just don't expect me to tell you who for.","SINISTER WOMAN: Thanks for all you're doing, Mrs Jones. Mister Saxon will be very grateful.","Francine eyes the sinister woman and her two bodyguards as they get up and leave."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who","Episode Number":"03x07","Episode Title":"42","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_03x08.json","Recap":["The Doctor is pursued by the Family of Blood. He transforms himself into a human and invents a new identity called John Smith, who becomes a schoolteacher in 1913 England who dreams of his life as the Doctor and puts them down in a journal. The Doctor's true self is hidden in a fob watch, which when opened will turn Smith back into the Doctor. Martha takes care of Smith while she is undercover as a maid. After two months, the Family arrive and take over the bodies of four humans. When the fob watch goes missing, Martha tries prompting Smith of his memories, which reveals his true identity to the Family. The Family hold Martha and Smith's date at the village dance, Nurse Joan Redfern."],"Transcript":["INT. THE TARDIS","The central console of the TARDIS is sparking crazily as Martha and The Doctor start to pick themselves up off the floor. The Doctor dashes to Martha, grabs her hand and pulls her to up, then pulls her eye to eye.","THE DOCTOR (urgently): Did they see you?","MARTHA: I don't know!","THE DOCTOR: Did they see you?","MARTHA: I don't know, I was too busy running!","DOCTOR: Martha, it's important... Did they see your face?","MARTHA: No, they couldn't have!","The Doctor runs round the console and starts playing with controls.","THE DOCTOR: Off we go!","Martha comes to stand next to him as he watches the time rotor intently. As a warning beep cuts in, we see symbols on the console screen.","THE DOCTOR (annoyed): Ahhh! (He grabs the console screen and reads it). They're following us. (He goes back to the controls).","MARTHA: How can they do that, you've got a time machine.","THE DOCTOR: Stolen technology, they've got a Time Agent's vortex manipulator. They can follow us wherever we go, right across the universe... (pause) they're never going to stop. (He runs a hand through his hair nervously and stares, then an idea comes to him). (Quietly): Unless... I'll have to do it... (He stares into Martha's eyes). Martha, you trust me don't you?","MARTHA: Of course I do.","THE DOCTOR: Cause it all depends on you.","He dives below the console to retrieve something, Martha watches on in confusion.","MARTHA: What does, what am I supposed to do?","The Doctor reappears holding an ornate pocket watch aloft.","THE DOCTOR: Take this watch, 'cause my life depends on it. The watch, Martha, the watch is...","INT. VICTORIAN ROOM","The Doctor is lying in a bed sporting a pair of blue striped pyjamas. His eyes flick open suddenly, cutting in from the last scene. He blinks in confusion a few times, and we see he is in an ornate Victorian room, wood panelling and framed paintings. After a couple of seconds, he pushes himself to sit up, feet on the floor. As he rubs his eyes, we hear a knock. Shortly after, there is the sound of a door opening.","THE DOCTOR (calls): Come in.","Martha enters, wearing a Victorian maid's uniform and carrying a tray of breakfast. As she sees the Doctor sitting on his bed, her eyes widen and she turns back.","MARTHA: Pardon me, Mr Smith, you're not dressed yet. I can come back later.","She turns to go as the Doctor stands, pulling and tying a dressing gown around himself.","THE DOCTOR: No, it's alright, it's alright. Put it down.","Martha walks to a table in the middle of the room and sets the tray down, keeping her eyes lowered. The Doctor watches her thoughtfully.","THE DOCTOR: I was, um... (pause). Sorry, sorry. (Thoughtfully). Sometimes I have these extraordinary dreams.","Martha crosses to the window and pulls the curtains open.","MARTHA: What about, sir?","THE DOCTOR: I dream I'm this... (he searches for the right term) Adventurer. This... daredevil, a madman. \"The Doctor\", I'm called. And last night I dreamt that you were there, as my... companion.","Martha crosses back to the tray on the table.The Doctor's eyes have been following her across the room.","MARTHA: A teacher and a housemaid, sir? That's impossible.","THE DOCTOR: Ah no, a man from another world, though...","MARTHA: Well it can't be true because there's no such thing.","The Doctor has moved to the fireplace and looks at the mantle- where the watch is sitting.","THE DOCTOR: This thing... (He picks up the watch). The watch...","Martha watches him, hopeful, but after holding it for a second he replaces it on the mantle with a sigh.","THE DOCTOR: Ah, it's funny how dreams slip away. (He turns back to Martha). But I do remember one thing, it all took place in the future. In the year of Our Lord two thousand and seven.","MARTHA: I can prove that wrong for you sir, here's the morning paper. (She hands it to him). It's monday, november tenth, nineteen thirteen, and you're completely human, sir. (She smiles at him). As human as they come.","THE DOCTOR: Mmm, that's me; completely human.","He smiles.","OPENING CREDITS","The Union Jack flag is being raised to full mast as a choir of boys sing a hymn. We see an impressive old school building, almost like a fortress and a group of schoolboys, marching in regimented lines into the school grounds. An early motor car beeps its horn as it drives past the gates to pull up near to the main door. The Doctor, in a suit, mortat board and teacher's gown, walks past a group of students before turning into the main door.","BOY 1: Morning, Sir.","He passes a young boy in the corridor.","BOY: Morning, Sir.","A bell rings, calling the start of school. Further into the building, the Doctor passes more teachers and nods to one who is heading for a flight of stairs.","THE DOCTOR: Headmaster.","A little later, and we see the Doctor taking a history lesson, cane in one hand and textbook in another. The neat copperplate writing on the chalkboard reads \"Battle of Waterloo, 18th June 1815\". The Doctor is reading aloud from the textbook while the class look on attentively.","THE DOCTOR: Impediment. The French were all but spent, with only two battalions of the old guard remaining. A final reserve force was charged with protecting Napoleon. By evening, the advance of the Allied troops had forced them to retreat.","Out in the school corridor, Martha and Jenny, another maid, are on their hands and knees scrubbing the tiled floor. The Doctor walks past, making Martha smile. Her eyes follow him as he passes.","MARTHA: Morning, Sir.","The Doctor slows down a little and answers distractedly.","THE DOCTOR: Yes, hi.","He disappears up the stairs.","JENNY: Head in the clouds, that one. Don't know why you're so sweet on him.","She smiles slyly then they both carry on scrubbing.","MARTHA: He's just kind to me, that's all. Not everyone's that considerate, what with me being...","She points to her face. We assume she means the colour of her skin. Jenny smiles.","JENNY: A Londoner?","MARTHA: Exactly. (She grins). Good old London town!","Two senior boys, Baines and Hutchinson walk over the area Martha and Jenny are cleaning, and look back as the girls laugh.","BAINES (authoritatively): Ah, now then, you two.","Martha and Jenny stop laughing and look up.","BAINES: You're not paid to have fun, are you. Put a little backbone into it.","JENNY: Yes Sir, sorry, Sir.","HUTCHINSON (looking at Martha): You there, what's your name again?","MARTHA: Martha, Sir. Martha Jones.","HUTCHINSON: Tell me then, Jones. With hands like those, how can you tell when something's clean?","The two boys laugh cruelly and leave. Martha and Jenny watch them.","MARTHA (deadpan): That's very funny, Sir.","JENNY: Careful now, don't answer back.","MARTHA: I'd answer back with my bucket over his head.","Jenny laughs as they both go back to scrubbing.","JENNY: Oh I wish!","Jenny thinks of something and stops, looking after the two boys.","JENNY: Just think though. In a few years time boys like that will be running the country.","MARTHA (quieter): Nineteen thirteen. They might not.","In one of the upper corridors, matron Joan Redfern passes a student.","BOY: Excuse me, ma'am.","The Doctor is overloaded with a stack of books as matron Joan Redfern approaches.","JOAN: Oh, good morning, Mr Smith.","The Doctor fumbles with the top book and it falls to the floor. He quickly steps on it to stop it falling away.","THE DOCTOR: There we go.","JOAN: Let me help you.","THE DOCTOR: No, no, I've got it, no... (He wonders how he is going to pick the book up with his arms full). Um... ah... Just to... retrieve... ah... If you could take these...","He hands her the stack of books, then bends to pick up the book.","JOAN: Good.","She smiles warmly.","THE DOCTOR: No harm done. (He smiles back at her). So, um, how was Jenkins?","JOAN: Oh just a cold, nothing serious. I think he's missing his mother, more than anything.","THE DOCTOR (sympathetically): Aw, can't have that.","JOAN: He received a letter this morning so he's a lot more chipper. (She looks down at the stack of books she is still holding). I appear to be holding your books.","The Doctor is still staring at matron Joan Fedfern's face, then suddenly snaps back to life.","THE DOCTOR: Yes, so you are! Sorry, sorry.","He starts to relieve matron Joan Redfern of the books awkwardly.","THE DOCTOR: Just let me...","JOAN: No, why don't I take half?","THE DOCTOR: Ah, brilliant idea, brilliant. Perfect. Division of labour.","JOAN: We make quite a team.","THE DOCTOR: Don't we just.","He is still all smiles, daft in the presence of matron Joan Redfern","JOAN: So, these books. Were they being taken in any particular direction?","THE DOCTOR: Yes. Um... (He looks up the corridor, thinking- then turns to the other direction). This way.","Ever the gentleman, he lets Joan lead on. In another corridor, he has finally settled into a coherent conversation.","THE DOCTOR: I always say, Matron, give the boys a good head of steam, they'll soon wear themselves out.","JOAN: Truth be told, when it's just you and me, I'd much rather you call me Nurse Redfern. \"Matron\" sounds rather... well, matronly.","THE DOCTOR: Ah, Nurse Redfern it is then.","JOAN: Though we've known each other all of two months, you could even say \"Joan\".","THE DOCTOR: Joan?","JOAN: That's my name.","THE DOCTOR (flustered): Well, obviously.","JOAN: And it's John, isn't it?","THE DOCTOR: Yes, yes it is.","A wooden noticeboard is on one wall of the landing. JOAN REDFERN spots a particular notice and heads towards it.","JOAN: Have you seen this, John? The annual dance at the village hall tomorrow. It's nothing formal, but rather fun by all accounts. (Hopefully). Do you think you'll go?","The Doctor stammers for a moment, unsure how to answer.","THE DOCTOR (flustered): I hadn't thought about it.","JOAN: It's been ages since I've been to a dance, only no-one's asked me.","She laughs nervously, there is a short tense silence.","THE DOCTOR (trying to rescue the conversation): Well, I should imagine that you would be... um... I mean I never thought you'd be one for... I mean there's no reason why you shouldn't... if you do, you may not... I probably won't, but even if I did then I couldn't... um, I mean I wouldn't want to...","JOAN: The stairs.","THE DOCTOR: It... what about the stairs?","JOAN: They're right behind you.","The Doctor turns to see and overbalances, falling backwards down the stairs and sending the books flying. Joan turns away for a split second, but we see her concern. A little later, Joan is cleaning a cut on the back of the Doctor's head. He groans against the pain.","JOAN (hiding a smile): Stop it. I get boys causing less fuss than this.","THE DOCTOR (sulkily): Because it hurts!","Martha bursts in, all concern.","MARTHA: Is he alright?","JOAN: Excuse me, Martha. It's hardly good form to enter a master's study without knocking. MARTHA (a little annoyed): Sorry, right, yeah. (She runs back to the door and knocks it before returning). But is he alright? (She looks at the Doctor). They said you fell down the stairs, Sir.","THE DOCTOR (mumbled): No, it was just a tumble, that's all.","MARTHA (to Joan): Have you checked for concussion?","JOAN: I have. And I daresay I know a lot more about it than you.","Martha remembers her place and nods.","MARTHA: Sorry. I'll just... (She looks at the Doctor and moves towards the desk). Tidy your things.","THE DOCTOR: I was just telling Nurse Redfern... Matron, um, about my dreams. They are quite remarkable tales.","Martha looks up in interest as the Doctor explains to Joan.","THE DOCTOR: I keep imagining that I'm someone else, and that I'm hiding...","JOAN: Hiding? In what way?","THE DOCTOR: Um... er... almost every night... (He laughs). This is going to sound silly...","JOAN: Tell me.","THE DOCTOR: I dream, quite often, that I have two hearts.","JOAN: Well then, I can be the judge of that.","Reaching into a battered doctor's bag, she draws out a stethoscope with a smile. Martha has been watching, but turns and walks away as Joan places the stethoscope against the Doctor's chest. We hear a heartbeat on the left side of his chest, and Martha turns to see the result of the right side. There is nothing.","JOAN: I can confirm the diagnosis, just one heart, singular.","Martha seems a little disappointed, but the Doctor laughs at his silliness.","THE DOCTOR: I have written down some of these dreams in the form of fiction... um... not that it would be of any interest.","JOAN: I'd be very interested.","The Doctor looks in amazement, and Joan nods. The Doctor stands and moves to the desk.","THE DOCTOR: Well... I've never shown it to anyone before.","He hands her a black leather-bound journal, and she reads the handwritten title on the first page.","JOAN: \"Journal of Impossible Things\".","She turns the pages, and we see they are covered in both writing and ink pictures. The central console is sketched on the first page, then the monitor screen section, a detailed sketch of a gas-mask victim from his earlier encounter with the nanogenes.","JOAN: Just look at these creatures!","She turns the page again to reveal a Dalek in all its inked glory.","JOAN: Such imagination.","THE DOCTOR: Mmm. It's become quite a hobby.","More pages, more sketches and pages of writing. The face of the Moxx of Balhoon gives way to a sketch of two Autons, then to the face of one of the clockwork robots that had tried to take the brain of Madame de Pompadour.","JOAN: It's wonderful. And quite an eye for the pretty girls.","In the centre of the next page is a sketch of Rose's face.","THE DOCTOR: Oh no no, she's just an invention. This character, Rose, I call her, Rose.","Martha appears in the background, looking at the Doctor.","THE DOCTOR (thoughtfully): Seems to disappear later on...","Another page, another sketch; this time of a quartet of Cybermen, and in the top corner on the next page, a small sketch of the TARDIS. As the Doctor explains it, there is a bigger, more detailed sketch further down the page.","THE DOCTOR: Ah, that's the box, the blue box, it's always there. Like a... like a magic carpet, this funny little box that transports me to far away places.","JOAN: Like a doorway?","THE DOCTOR: Mmm.","The next page is a mess of writing, but the pictures stand out brightly; the faces the Doctor has had before.","THE DOCTOR: I sometimes think how magical life would be if things like this were true.","JOAN: If only.","THE DOCTOR: It's just a dream.","He gives a short, quiet laugh. The next page has a familiar picture, the Doctor's watch, inside and out. A school bell rings in the background, and Joanis leaving the Doctor's quarters with the journal. Martha runs to follow her.","MARTHA: Ma'am! That book...","Joan turns round and stops.","JOAN: Oh I'll look after it, don't worry. He did say I could read it.","She goes to leave.","MARTHA: But it's silly, that's all.","Joan turns back.","MARTHA: Just stories.","JOAN (seriously): Who is he, Martha?","MARTHA: I'm sorry?","JOAN: It's like he's left the kettle on. Like... he knows he has something to get back to, but he can't remember what.","MARTHA (laughs nervously): That's just him.","JOAN: You arrived with him, didn't you? He found you employment here at the school, isn't that right?","MARTHA: I used to work for the family, he just sort of inherited me.","JOAN: Well, I'd be careful. If you don't mind my saying, you sometimes seem a little familiar with him. Best remember your position.","With a nod, she leaves. Martha looks unimpressed.","MARTHA: Yes Ma'am.","Joan heads down the stairs while Martha strides back to the Doctor's quarters. In one of the dormitories, a younger boy is called on by Hutchinson.","HUTCHINSON: Ah, Latimer. Here you are, Latin translation.","He throws a book to the floor, and Latimer crosses to pick it up obediently.","HUTCHINSON: Blasted Kitulus. I want it done by morning.","LATIMER: Yes sir.","Latimer sits on his bed an opens the book, starting to work.","HUTCHINSON: And no mistakes. I want it written by best handwriting. (He opens a letter and starts to read). Listen, Father says he's been promoted.","Baines is sitting close by, and raises his head from his own book at this.","HUTCHINSON: That means more money. Might end up in a better school.","LATIMER: Ah, he should enjoy it, sir. My uncle had a six month posting in Johannesburg. Says it was the most beautiful countryside on God's earth.","HUTCHINSON: What are you talking about?","LATIMER (stands up): Africa. Your father.","HUTCHINSON: You been reading my post?","LATIMER: What?","HUTCHINSON: Who said Africa? I've only just read the word myself.","He stands and crosses to Latimer. Speeding up as he gets closer, he grabs Latimer by the collar and forces him against the wall.","HUTCHINSON: How did you know that?","LATIMER: I haven't...","HUTCHINSON: Have you been spying on me?","LATIMER: No! I just guessed.","HUTCHINSON: What's that supposed to mean?","LATIMER: I'm good at guessing, that's all.","Hutchinson gives him a suspicious look that turns to anger, before letting go of Latimer's collar.","HUTCHINSON: Idiot.","He strides away. Latimer straightens his jacket and moves slowly back towards the bed.","LATIMER: Sometimes I say things and they turn out to be correct. Just little things. Tiny things. I can't help it... it's just some sort of luck.","Baines and Hutchinson look at him for a moment, then Baines rises to his feet.","BAINES: Right, well never mind that little toad, who's for beer?","HUTCHINSON: You've got beer?","BAINES: No, but Baxter's hidden a secret supply in Blackdown woods.","HUTCHINSON: Well what are you waiting for?","Baines moves to the window and unlatches it, then starts to climb out.","HUTCHINSON: Make sure the Burser's down the pub before you go past his window.","BAINES: A bottle for everyone, is it?","HUTCHINSON: And none for the filth. (He looks at Latimer as Baines climbs out). And hurry back, Baines, I'm parched.","As Baines salutes and climbs down, Latimer turns away sadly. Out in the night, Jenny is sitting on a bench outside the village pub. Martha comes out carrying two pints, wrapped up tightly in coat, hat and gloves.","MARTHA: Ooh, it's freezing out here! Why can't we have a drink inside the pub?","JENNY: Now don't be ridiculous, you do get these notions! It's all very well those Suffragettes; but that's London, that's miles away.","MARTHA: But don't you want to scream sometimes, having to bow and scrape and behave, don't you just wanna tell them?","JENNY (smiles): I dunno. Things must be different in your country.","MARTHA: Yeah, well they are. Thank God I'm not staying.","JENNY: You keep saying that.","MARTHA: Just you wait. One more month and I'm as free as the wind. I wish you could come with me, Jenny - you'd love it!","JENNY: Where are you gonna go?","MARTHA: Anywhere. (looks to the stars). Just look up there. Imagine you could go all the way out to the stars.","Jenny laughs.","JENNY: You don't half say mad things!","MARTHA: That's where I'm going. Into the sky, all the way out.","Jenny laughs again, but Martha is fixed on the stars. Suddenly, a green light flares into and out of existence in the night sky. Martha is surprised.","MARTHA: Did you see that?","JENNY: See what?","MARTHA: Did you see it though? (She stands). Right up there, just for a second.","JENNY: Martha, there's nothing there.","Martha is unconvinced. Joan is crossing a field alone- suddenly, the green light bursts into life brighter than before, a few metres ahead and hovering in the sky. She shields her eyes, and we see a green beam shining down on her. After a few seconds, the beam goes out, leaving Joan staring. Turning to look the way she has come, the green beam lights up again, and starts to drift across the countryside before going out again. Spooked by it all, she turns and runs. A while later, she reaches the pub. Martha sees her coming and stands up, aware that the woman is distressed.","MARTHA: Matron, are you alright?","JOAN (breathless): Did you see that? There was something in the woods... this light...","The Doctor emerges from the pub and approaches the women.","THE DOCTOR: Anything wrong, ladies? Far too cold to be standing around in the dark, don't you...","JOAN (interrupts): There!","Pointing into the night sky, we see the light fly over again, like a shooting star.","JOAN: There, look in the sky!","JENNY: That's beautiful.","THE DOCTOR: There... orgom. Commonly known as a meteorite. It's just rocks falling to the ground, that's all.","JOAN: It came down in the woods.","THE DOCTOR: No, no no, they always look close, when actually they're miles off. Nothing left but a cinder. (Turns to Joan). Now, I should escort you back to the school. (Turns to Martha and Jenny). Ladies?","MARTHA (still staring at the sky): No, we're fine, thanks.","THE DOCTOR: Then I shall bid you goodnight.","Putting on his hat, The Doctor and Joan walk away back towards the school. Martha waits until they are out of earshot.","MARTHA: Jenny, where was that? On the horizon, where the light was headed.","JENNY: That's by Cooper's Field.","Martha starts to run in the same direction. Jenny calls after her.","JENNY: You can't just run off! It's dark, you'll break a leg!","She sighs, stands up and runs after Martha. In Blackdown Woods, Baines has found the stash of beer. Picking up a crate, a strange sounds makes him stop. On cue, the strange green light drifts down towards the woodland floor a few metres ahead. Baines watches, then the light goes out. Curious, he scrambles over a log and heads to where it faded.","BAINES: I say, hello? Is that some kind of aeroplane? You chaps alright?","He is cut off abruptly as he walks into a clearing, and headlong into something. A green forcefield flares into life, repelling Baines. When the forcefield dies down, there is nothing to be seen. Experimentally, Baines reaches out both hands and pushes them forward until they connect with the forcefield again. As it flares into life, he withdraws them with a gasp. He looks around but can see nothing. He tries the same thing with his fist, but takes it back quickly as the forcefield reacts to the blow.","BAINES: What... that's... that's impossible!","He slowly pushes the palms of his hands against the forcefield again, and can see indents that could be windows. Sliding one hand along, it strike a button and there is the sound of a door or airlock opening.","BAINES: Some kind of door... Hello? (He shouts into the opening, his shout echoes). Is... Is anyone there?","Stretching his hands out again, he follows them through the door and into the craft. Martha is still running, heading through the woods. Jenny is right behind, and slowly gratefully as Martha stops. They are in the same clearing as the craft, but there is nothing to be seen.","JENNY (breathless): There y'are... Nothing there. I told you so.","MARTHA: And that's Cooper's Field?","JENNY: As far as the eye can see, and no falling star. Now come on, I'm frozen to the bone, let's go. As your Mr Smith says, \"Nothing to see\".","Jenny turns and strides away, but Martha gives one last look before following. It's dark inside the craft, wires trailing. Baines is talking.","BAINES: But I don't understand. Who are you?","A strange, distorted alien voice replies.","FATHER: We are the Family.","MOTHER: Far more important, who are you, little thing?","BAINES: My name is Baines. Jeremy Baines. Please can I go?","MOTHER: I'm so sorry, Baines, Jeremy Baines, but I don't think you can ever leave.","BAINES: But... Who are you? Why can't I see you?","MOTHER \/ FATHER: Why would you want to see us?","BAINES: I want to know what you look like.","MOTHER: Oh, that's easily answered, because very soon, we will look so familiar.","Something emerges from the dark, and Bainesscreams. Latimer is polishing shoes in the dormitory, while the senior boys play a card game at a long wooden table. A clock is striking a late hour.","HUTCHINSON: Where is he? Promises us beer then vanishes into the night.","As if on cue, a hand knocks at the window. Latimer and the other boys look round.","HUTCHINSON: There he is. (To one of the younger boys): Let him in.","The Boy goes to the window and unlatches it. Baines climbs in, and Latimer looks up, wary.","HUTCHINSON: Baines, you dolt. I thought you'd been caught by the rozzers.","Baines is wide-eyed and blank-faced, and doesn't reply.","HUTCHINSON: Well then? Where is it, man? Where's the blessed beer?","BAINES: There was no beer. It was gone.","HUTCHINSON: Damn it all, I've been waiting. Pretty poor show, Baines, I have to say.","Baines sniffs loudly.","HUTCHINSON: What's the matter with you? Caught sniffles out there?","BAINES: Yes, I must have. It was cold. Very cold.","Latimer keeps looking up, uneasy.","HUTCHINSON: Well don't spread it about, I don't want your germs. Come on, might as well get some sleep. (To the other boys): Come on chaps, maybe tomorrow.","Baines is looking at Latimer.","HUTCHINSON (continues): Jackson's got some beer in the pavillion.","Latimer goes back to polishing. The next day, Martha is riding a bike towards an old stone barn near the wood. Pushing open the door, she smiles as she enters. Reaching around her neck, she withdraws something on a long chain round her neck, a TARDIS key, as the TARDIS itself stands further inside the barn. Martha unlocks the door and goes in- the console room is mostly in darkness.","MARTHA (she smiles): Hello. (Shakes her head): I'm talking to a machine...","Taking off her gloves, she heads for the console. Sighing, she looks up at the time rotor, dormant. Closing her eyes, we see her memories of how they all came to be there.","THE DOCTOR: Look out!","Martha dives to the floor as a bolt flashes past, creating a fountain of sparks to erupt from the console. In real time, Martha walks round the console towards the console screen. Back in her memories, the Doctor growls in anger.","THE DOCTOR: They're following us! They can follow us wherever we go. Right across the universe. They're never going to stop... Martha, you trust me don't you?","MARTHA: Of course I do.","THE DOCTOR: 'Cause it all depends on you.","Back in real time, Martha reaches the console. In her memory, the Doctor is holding his pocket watch in front of her.","THE DOCTOR: Martha, this watch is me.","Confused, Martha takes it off him as he runs round the console.","MARTHA: ... Right, okay, gotcha... No, hold on! Completely lost!","THE DOCTOR: Those creatures are hunters, they can sniff out anyone- and me being a Time Lord; well, I'm unique. They can track me down across the whole of time and space.","MARTHA (laughs): And the good news is?","THE DOCTOR: They can smell me, they haven't seen me. And their life's bound to be running out, so, we hide, wait for them to die.","MARTHA: But they can track us down.","THE DOCTOR (stops and looks at her, serious): That's why I've got to do it. I have to stop being a Time Lord. I'm gonna become human.","In real time, Martha looks up at the TARDIS ceiling- where a strange headset is hanging from a cable. In her memory, the Doctor does the same as it lowers into his reach.","THE DOCTOR: Never thought I'd use this. All the times I've wondered.","MARTHA: What does it do?","THE DOCTOR: Chameleon Arch. Re-write my biology. Literally changes every single cell in my body. I've set it to human.","Taking the pocket watch back off Martha, he fits it into a section of the headset.","THE DOCTOR: Now, the TARDIS will take care of everything. Invent a life story for me, find me a setting and integrate me. Can't do the same for you... you'll just have to improvise. I should have just enough residual awareness to let you in.","MARTHA: But... hold on, if you're going to rewrite every single cell, isn't it going to hurt?","THE DOCTOR: Oh yeah. It hurts.","Flickering between real life and her memory now, looking up at the headset, it cuts between that and the Doctor wearing it, power passing through it and making him scream in pain as Martha can only watch in horror. Turning away from the memory, Martha activates a few of the controls on the console. The screen fizzes from its normal display to show the Doctor, addressing the camera.","THE DOCTOR: This working? (Taps the camera). Martha, before I change here's a list of instructions for when I'm human. One, don't let me hurt anyone. We can't have that, but you know what humans are like. Two, don't worry about the TARDIS, I'll put it on emergency power so they can't detect it, just let it hide away. Four- no, wait a minute, three. No getting involved in big historical events. Four, you. Don't let me abandon you. And fi...","Twisting a dial, Martha speeds through more of the Doctor's speech.","MARTHA: But there was a meteor, a shooting star, what am I supposed to do then?","She lets go of the dial at the last item on the Doctor's list.","THE DOCTOR: And twenty three. If anything goes wrong, if they find us, Martha, then you know what to do. Open the watch.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Back at the school, the Doctor is heading over to the fireplace in his study.","THE DOCTOR (voiceover from the recording): Everything I am is kept safe in there.","The Doctor in the study picks up the watch and looks at it, turning it over in his hands.","THE DOCTOR (voiceover): Now, I've put a perception filter on it so the human me won't think anything of it, to him it's just a watch.","Back on the screen, the Doctor is serious.","THE DOCTOR: But don't open it unless you have to. Because once it's open, then the Family will be able to find me. It's all down to you, Martha. Your choice.","He walks off-screen, then returns.","THE DOCTOR: Oh, and, thank you.","With a smile, the recording stops and the screen returns to its usual display.","MARTHA (in a whisper): I wish you'd come back.","Latimer is outside a door marked \"J. Smith\". He knocks, the door opens, and the Doctor looks at him.","LATIMER: You told me to come and collect that book, Sir.","THE DOCTOR: Good lad, yes... yes! \"The Definitive Account of Mafeking\" by Aitchison-Price, where did I put it?","He walks to his desk, Latimer following slowly behind.","THE DOCTOR: And I wanted a little word, your marks aren't quite good enough.","LATIMER: I'm top ten in my class, sir.","THE DOCTOR: Now, be honest, Timothy. You should be the very top. You're a clever boy, but you seem to be hiding it. (To himself). Where is that book...","With no luck finding the book on his desk, the Doctor walks into an annexe libray off the main room.","THE DOCTOR: And I know why. Keeping your head low avoids the mockery of your classmates. But no man should hide himself, don't you think?","Latimre has heard something...","LATIMER: Yes sir...","The watch on the mantlepiece seems to be drawing his attention.","THE DOCTOR (off screen): You're clever, be proud of it. Use it.","Over the top of all this, there are whispering voices eminating from the watch. heard only by Latimer.","VOICES: Time Lord...Timothy, hide yourself... I'm trapped, kept inside the cogs...","Latimer presses the watch's release button- and it opens, releasing wisps of golden energy. Somewhere out in the grounds, Baines' head jerks round, catching the trail. As the Doctor comes back into the room, Latimer quickly closes and pockets the watch.","THE DOCTOR: Fascinating details about the siege, really quite remarkable, are you alright?","LATIMER: Yes Sir. Fine, Sir.","THE DOCTOR: Right then. Good. And remember, use that brain of yours!","The Doctor holds out the book and Latimer goes to take it- but as soon as he touches it, he sees a vision of the Doctor as a different man to the teacher.","VOICES: Power of a Time Lord.","The Doctor as we know him best, pinstripe suit and weilding his sonic screwdriver. The vision fades as the Doctor releases the book, leaving Latimer shaken.","THE DOCTOR: You're really not looking yourself, old chap, anything bothering you, or...?","LATIMER (in shock): No Sir... Thank you, Sir.","Walking quickly, he exits, closing the door behind him. Latimer stands for a moment, before running up the stairs to the dormitory. Sitting on his bed, he has taken the watch out again and can hear the voices. He opens it again, letting out more of the golden light and louder voices.","VOICES: You are not alone... Keep me hidden...","More images come to Latimer's mind: Daleks, Cybermen, Ood, the werewolf from the Torchwood Estate, the Emperess of the Racnoss, Lazarus, the Sycorax... He snaps the watch shut again. Outside, Baines sniffs loudly. A teacher is ringing a handbell, signalling a change in classes. Baines is walking through the corridors- in a quieter corridor from the main hallway, he stops and turns to look. Stepping into the gap beneath the main stairs, his eyes roll back and a green glow surrounds him; he is communicating with the Family.","BAINES: There is a trace, but somehow scattered. The scent is confused. Nevertheless, we'd best arm ourselves.","The glow disappears and Baines' eyes open.","BAINES: Activate the soldiers.","A portly, middle-aged man is striding down a lane in the village. This is Mr Clarke. As he looks into a field, the ragged scarecrow stiffly raises its arm in a greeting. Mr Clarke stops, a double take, as the scarecrow lowers its arm again. Shaking his finger at the scarecrow, believing it to be a trick, he strides towards it.","CLARKE: That is my property, and you're trespassing on my land!","He is standing eye-to-eye with the scarecrow now.","CLARKE: Come on, who's in there?","Angrily, he starts pulling the straw from the scarecrow's body to try and find the prankster within.","CLARKE: One of those idiot boys from the school, is it, eh? Come on, there's...","But he has pulled out almost all of the straw, and his hand has gone through the body of the scarecrow and through the fabric of the back. Rifling through the straw, he looks up at the head, bemused.","CLARKE: But how did you...","The scarecrow's head tilts to one side, as two identical scarecrows walk stiffly up the bank behind Mr Clarke. The first scarecrow raises his arms, signalling an attack. Mr Clarke turns and find himself surrounded as more and more scarecrows appear. A little girl walks down the lane, a bright red balloon in hand. A scarecrow lumbers out from the bushes behind her, and she turns and screams. The scarecrow lifts her over his shoulder and carries her off. A rattle of gunfire, and a hit on one of three rough dummy targets made of a bucket, spliced sticks and a stuffed sack. The boys are doing target practice, a machine gun set up behind a bunker of sandbags.","THE DOCTOR: Concentrate.","Joan appears from one of the school doors, watching. The gun is being fired by Hutchinson, the rounds being fed in a steady stream by Latimer. Baines is one of the boys watching the targets, with the Doctor standing a few paces behind. As Joan approaches, she is not entirely pleased with what she sees.","THE DOCTOR: Hutchinson, excellent work!","The Headmaster appears.","HEADMASTER: Cease fire!","Hutchinson obeys.","THE DOCTOR: Good day to you, headmaster.","HEADMASTER: Your crew's on fine form today, Mr Smith.","HUTCHINSON: Excuse me, Headmaster, we could do a lot better. Latimer is being deliberately shoddy.","LATIMER: I'm trying my best.","HEADMASTER: You need to be better than the best. Those targets are tribesmen from the dark continent.","LATIMER: That's exactly the problem, sir. They only have spears.","HEADMASTER: Oh dear me. Latimer takes it upon himself to make us realise how wrong we all are. I hope, Latimer, that one day you may have a just and proper war in which to prove yourself. Now, resume firing.","Hutchinson does so Latimer feeding the ammunition again. As the firing rings out, Latimer hears a different kind of warfare, the sound of a falling bomb. An vision takes over. Two young soldiers struggle through the dark, one supporting the other, who is injured. A watch is opened.","LATIMER: One minute past the hour. It's now. Hutchinson, this is the time. It's now.","He looks up as we hear another bomb heading straight for them. Back in real time, the gun stops firing.","HUTCHINSON: There's a stoppage, immediate action. (He looks at Latimer to assist). Didn't I tell you, Sir, this stupid boy is useless! Permission to give Latimer a beating, Sir?","HEADMASTER: It's your class, Mr Smith.","THE DOCTOR: Permission granted.","HUTCHINSON: Right, come with me, you little oiyk.","Hutchinson grabs Latimer's wrist and pulls him up. He and most of the other boys escort Latimer away to be beaten. Baines remains standing next to the Doctor, and turns to him- and sniffs loudly. The Doctor turns and looks him up and down.","THE DOCTOR: Anything the matter, Baines?","BAINES: I thought... No sir. Nothing, sir.","Turning sharply, he heads off to join the beating. Joan is still watching.","HEADMASTER: As you were, Mr Smith.","THE DOCTOR: Ah... Pemberton, Smythe, Wicks, take post.","As three more boys take up positions at the gun, the Doctor spots Joan.","THE DOCTOR: Ah, Nurse Redfern.","JOAN: Um... I'll give you back your journal when next I see you.","THE DOCTOR: No, no, no, you don't have to.","Joan looks a little troubled.","JOAN: If you'll excuse me, Mr Smith, I was just thinking about the day my husband was shot.","As the gunfire rings out, she turns and walks quickly away, leaving the Doctor a little more understanding. In the village, a piano is being winched up outside a building in a rope sling. Two men are straining with the rope. Joan and the Doctor are walking through the village.","JOAN: His name was Oliver. He died in the battle of Spy-On-Cope. We were childhood sweethearts... But you see, I was angry with the army for such a long time.","THE DOCTOR: You still are.","JOAN: I find myself as part of that school watching boys learn how to kill.","THE DOCTOR: Don't you think discipline is good for them?","JOAN: Does it have to be such military discipline? I mean, if there's another war those boys won't find it so amusing.","THE DOCTOR: Well... Great Britain's at peace, long may it reign.","JOAN: In your journey, in one of your stories, you wrote about next year. Nineteen fourteen.","THE DOCTOR: That was just a dream.","JOAN: All those images of mud and wire. You told of a shadow, a shadow falling across the entire world.","THE DOCTOR: Well, then we can be thankful it's not true. And I'll admit mankind doesn't need warfare and bloodshed to prove itself; everyday life can provide honour and valour and... let's hope that from now on this, this country can... can find its heroes in smaller places...","He is distracted as he sees two things. First, a woman and a perambulator coming round the corner by the shop building. Second, the rope sling holding the piano aloft is breaking outside the same shop. The two men holding it desperately try to steady it and hold it, but the woman doesn't notice and continues into its path.","THE DOCTOR: In the most...","A young boy is tossing a cricket ball up and down in his hand. The Doctor looks from the ball to the rope; the second strand is almost completely broken, and the piano lurches alarmingly.","THE DOCTOR: Ordinary...","The rope is almost cut. And the woman is almost beneath the piano.","THE DOCTOR: Of deeds!","He snatches the cricket ball from the young boy and pitches it at a bundle of spare scaffolding poles standing outside the ironmongers. The poles fall, hitting a plank of wood with a brick on the end. The brick flies into the air, up and over the piano- just as the rope snaps and it starts to hurtle to the ground. The brick hits a milk churn on a cart, sending it falling into the path of the perambulator and stopping it in it's tracks. The woman screams and the piano hits the floor and smashes. Joan is looking amazed at the Doctor, while the Doctor himself is looked amazed by his own skill. As the baby in the perambulator starts to cry, the two workmen rush to see if the woman is alright. The Doctor and Joan stand stunned for a moment.","THE DOCTOR: Lucky...","JOAN: That was luck?","THE DOCTOR (plucking up courage): Nurse Redfern, might I invite you to the village dance this evening? As my guest?","JOAN (laughs): You extraordinary man!","The both laugh and view the near fatal scene again. Later on, they are passing fields, one of which has a scarecrow.","JOAN: It's all becoming clear now, the Doctor is the man you'd like to be, doing impossible things with cricket balls.","THE DOCTOR: Well, I discovered a talent, that's certainly true!","JOAN (teasingly): But the Doctor has an eye for the ladies!","THE DOCTOR: The devil!","JOAN: A girl at every fireplace.","THE DOCTOR (laughs): Now, there I have to protest, Joan, that's hardly me!","JOAN: Says the man dancing with me tonight!","The Doctor spies the scarecrow hanging oddly.","THE DOCTOR: That scarecrow's all skewed.","The cross the furrows to reach it, and the Doctor starts stretching it across its frame again.","JOAN: Ever the artist. Where did you learn to draw?","THE DOCTOR: Gallifrey.","JOAN: Is that in Ireland?","THE DOCTOR (a little unsure): Yes, it must be, yes.","JOAN: But you're not Irish?","DOCTOR: Not at all, no. My father Sidney was a watchmaker from Nottingham and my mother Verity was... (he pauses) ...um... well, she was a nurse, actually.","JOAN: Oh, we make such good wives!","THE DOCTOR (a little uncomfortable): Really? Right. Yes. Well, my work is done, what do you think?","He stands back and Joan looks at the scarecrow.","JOAN: Masterpiece.","THE DOCTOR: All sorts of skills today!","Laughing, they head back onto the road- and the scarecrow turns it head to follow them. In the Doctor's study later in the day, the Doctor is sketching a young woman, Joan. As he finishes and lowers the book, we see Joanposing for him.","JOAN: Can I see?","The Doctor moves to sit next to her on the sofa, showing her the book. She laughs in delight.","JOAN: Oh, goodness... Do I look like that? (laughs). Are you sure that's not me?","There is a sketch of a Slitheen on the opposite page, and she points to it.","THE DOCTOR: Most definitely this page, I should think.","He points back to his sketch of her.","JOAN: You've made me far too beautiful.","THE DOCTOR: Well that's how I see you.","JOAN: Widows aren't supposed to be beautiful. I think the world would rather we stopped. (pause). Is that fair? That we stop?","THE DOCTOR: That's not fair at all.","He fondly brushes the side of her hair. Slowly, he leans in towards her; she returns the movement, and the two kiss.","THE DOCTOR: I've never, um...","He runs out of words, and chooses to kiss Joan again instead, a long and loving kiss. We hear the rattle of the door, and they break apart.","THE DOCTOR: Martha, what have I told you about entering unannounced?","Martha scurries back out of the door and closes it behind her, leaning against it in shock.","MARTHA (whispered): That wasn't on the list.","The TARDIS still hides in the barn, and Martha is going through the Doctor's recording again.","THE DOCTOR: Four, you. Don't let me abandon you.","MARTHA: That's no good. What about the stuff you didn't tell me, what about women? Oh no, you didn't think of that. What in hell am I supposed to do then?","She has fast-forwarded to the end.","THE DOCTOR: Thank you.","MARTHA: You had to, didn't you? Had to go and fall in love with a human. And it wasn't me.","Latimer is toying with the pocket watch as he sits on a bench in the school grounds. The voices are whispering again.","VOICES: The darkness is coming... keep me away from the force and empty man... the last of the Time Lords, the last of a wise and ancient race...","Latimer sees Baines heading through the ground to meet with Mr Clarke. Then, a red balloon bobs its way along on the other side of the wall as the little girl joins them. As Latimer watches, all three of them turn to look at him. As one, they tilt their heads to the side curiously, and sniff deeply. On the muddy lane, Jenny is riding her bicycle when a figure steps out in front of her, making her stop sharply. A moving scarecrow.","JENNY: Who's that playing silly beggars? Nearly broke me neck!","The scarecrow says nothing, its head tilted curiously to one side.","JENNY: Who's that then? Is it you, Saul?","The sound of footsteps, and Jenny's smile fades as two more scarecrows approach from behind. More and more close in, and Jenny realises it is no trick, and screams. Inside the alien craft, a scarecrow stands guard as Mr Clarke advances on a frightened Jenny.","JENNY: I don't understand... It's Mr Clarke, isn't it? What have I done wrong?","CLARKE: Nothing at all. In fact... you're just what we need, girl.","Baines appears.","BAINES: She works at the school. Whatever's happening seems to centred round that establishment, the faintest of traces but they all lead back there.","JENNY (scared): It's Baines, isn't it? This isn't very funny, sir.","BAINES (barking as orders): Just shut up, stop talking, cease and desist, there's a good girl! (pause). Mother of Mine is dying to meet you. And here she is.","Baines produces a globe-like device.","JENNY: Stop mocking me, sir!","BAINES: No! Mother of Mine just needs a shape. We go through a shape so very fast. Yours is perfectly adequate... if a little grim. Mother of Mine, embrace her.","Baines tilts the globe towards Jenny and a green smoke starts to billow out towards her, taking over her. In the school, Joan turns round in her dress to show the Doctor.","THE DOCTOR: You look wonderful.","JOAN: You'd best give me some warning, um, can you actually dance?","THE DOCTOR (thinks): Um... I'm not certain...","JOAN: There's a surprise. Is there anything you're certain about?","THE DOCTOR: Yes. (he steps towards Joan). Yes.","In the maid quarters, the door opens and Jenny enters. Martha is making a pot of tea on an elaborate tray and smiles as she sees Jenny.","MARTHA: There you are! Come and look what I've got. Mr Poole didn't want his afternoon tea so cook said I could have it. And there's enough for two.","Jenny is still standing in the doorway.","MARTHA: What are you standing there for?","Jenny sniffs loudly.","MARTHA: Are you alright?","JENNY: I must have a cold coming on.","She joins Martha sitting at the small table.","MARTHA: Problem is, I keep thinking about them but I don't know what to do.","JENNY: Thinking about who?","MARTHA: Mr Smith and Matron. Cause it's never gonna last, he's gonna leave in a few weeks.","JENNY: Why?","MARTHA: It's like his contract comes to an end. And she's gonna be heartbroken.","JENNY: Leave for where?","MARTHA: All sorts of places. I wish I could tell you Jenny, but it's complicated.","JENNY: In what way?","MARTHA: I just can't.","JENNY: It sounds so interesting. Tell me. Tell me now.","There is something in Jenny's voice that Martha doesn't think is right. Frowning, she changes the subject.","MARTHA: Would you like some tea?","JENNY: Yes thanks.","MARTHA: I could put a nice bit of gravy in the pot. And some mutton. Or sardines and jam, how about that?","JENNY: I like the sound of that.","MARTHA: Right... hold on a tick.","She knows something is wrong now, and moves to the door. Closing it on her way out, she walks to the stairs- then starts to run. Jenny's head turns, she know's Martha is getting away. She pulls an alien gun from under her coat. Meanwhile, Martha is out of the building, Jenny goes to the window, aims, and fires her gun at the retreating Martha. Narrowly missing, Jenny heads off. The Doctor and Joan are sharing a loving kiss which is quickly broken as the door bursts open and a breathless Martha runs in and up to the Doctor.","MARTHA: They've found us.","JOAN: This is ridiculous...","THE DOCTOR: Martha, I've warned you.","MARTHA: They've found us, and I've seen them. They look like people, like us, like normal. I'm sorry, but you've got to open the watch.","She looks to the mantlepiece, and the watch is missing.","MARTHA: Where is it?","She shuffles through the things on the mantlepiece.","MARTHA: Oh my god, where's it gone? Where's the watch?","THE DOCTOR: What are you talking about?","MARTHA: You had a watch, a fob watch. Right there!","THE DOCTOR: Did I? I don't remember.","JOAN: I can't see what concern it is of yours.","MARTHA: But we need it... oh my god, Doctor we're hiding from aliens, and they've got Jenny and they've... possessed her or copied her or something and you've got to tell me, where's the watch?","DOCTOR: Oh I see... (quieter, to Joan). Cultural differences.","He picks up his journal.","THE DOCTOR (to Martha): It must be so confusing for you. Martha, this is what we call a story. MARTHA: Oh you complete... This (she waves her finger to indicate the Doctor) is not you, this is nineteen thirteen.","THE DOCTOR: Good. This is nineteen thirteen.","MARTHA: I am sorry, I'm really sorry but I've got to snap you out of this.","She reaches back her hand and slaps his hard across the face.","JOAN: Martha!","MARTHA: Wake up! You're coming back to the TARDIS with me!","She grabs his hands and tries to pull him along.","THE DOCTOR: How dare you! I'm not going anywhere with an insane servant! Martha, you are dismissed, you will leave these premises immediately. Now get out!","He has used Martha's grip on him to drag her to the door and thrown her out. As he closes the door, Martha stops. Back inside, the Doctor is annoyed.","THE DOCTOR: Nerve of it, absolute cheek! You think I'm a fantasist, what about her?","JOAN: The funny thing is, you did have a fob watch. Right there. Don't you remember?","Martha is running into the night again, and bumps into Latimer.","MARTHA: Oh, sorry!","As she carries on, Latimer stops and watches her. He has a flash memory of a strange time; it is back around the 2000's, and Martha in her usual clothes bumps into him as she runs past.","MARTHA: Oh, sorry!","LATIMER: Martha?","Back to the present, Martha turns her head to call back.","MARTHA: Not now, Tim, busy!","Latimer watches her for a while longer, then turns and walks away. Martha closes the TARDIS door and runs to where the Doctor's long coat is lying over a forked beam. She rifles through his pockets, looking for something. Back inside the school, the door to the Doctor's room is kicked open as Jenny and Baines enter.","BAINES: Mr Smith? (pause). No-one home.","JENNY: The maid was definitely hiding something. A secret around this Mr Smith.","BAINES: We both scented him though, he was plain and simple human.","JENNY: Maybe he knows something. Where is he?","Joan and the Doctor are arriving at the village hall for the dance.","JOAN: She's infatuated. You're a dangerous man.","THE DOCTOR: You've taken my arm in public.","JOAN: I'm very scared.","They laugh. We see Latimer hiding round a corner of the building.","MAN: Spare a penny for the veterans of the Crimea, sir?","THE DOCTOR: Yes, of course. (He digs in his pocket and pulls out a coin or two). There you are.","As the Doctor and Joan go inside, Latimer comes out of his hiding place and creeps to the doors. As the man collecting money has his back turned counting the donations, Latimer hurries in. Inside, people are milling about, getting drinks from a beer keg, laughing and talking. Latimer walks in slowly, looking around.","ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen! Please take your partners for a waltz.","The Doctor and Joan take their places, and start to dance as the music starts.","JOAN: You can dance.","DOCTOR: I've surprised myself. (They dance into another pair). Sorry.","Back in his room at the school, Jenny and Baines are still searching for something, dropping books off the bookshelves in his study. Mr Clarke enters, holding the poster for the dance.","CLARKE: I think this might help.","JENNY: That makes it easy, Son of Mine. Because Daughter of Mine's already there.","BAINES: We've been invited to the dance.","Joan and the Doctor are still dancing, and through the dancing people, we see the little girl sitting at a table. The collector man rattles his tin as he sees Martha approaching stormily.","MAN: Ooh, staff entrance I think, miss!","MARTHA: Yeah, well think again mate.","She walks past him into the hall. Hiding in the foliage close to the hall, we see a number of the scarecrows waiting. Back at the dance, Joan is sitting down now, waiting for the Doctor to return with drinks. She spots him, and he motions that he is still waiting. Joan smiles, but her smile fades as a familiar figure stands at their table, Martha.","JOAN: Please, don't. Not again.","MARTHA: He's different from any other man you've ever met, right?","JOAN: Yes.","MARTHA: And sometimes he says these strange things, like people and places you've never heard of, yeah? But it's deeper than that. Sometimes when you look in his eyes you know; you just know that there's something else in there. Something hidden. Right behind the eyes, something hidden away. In the dark.","JOAN: I don't know what you mean, I...","MARTHA: Yes, you do. I don't mean to be rude, but the awful thing is it doesn't even matter what you think. But you're nice. And you're lucky. And I just wanted to say sorry for what I'm about to do.","The Doctor has returned, and looks none to pleased to see Martha there.","THE DOCTOR: Oh, now really, Martha. This is getting out of hand. I must insist that you leave.","Martha holds out the sonic screwdriver.","MARTHA: Do you know what this is? Name it. Go on, name it.","JOAN: John, what is that silly thing? John?","He slowly takes it off Martha and turns it over in his hands.","MARTHA: You're not John Smith. You're called the Doctor. The man in your journal, he's real. He's you.","The collector man rattles his tin again as more people arrive.","MAN: Evening all! Spare a penny, sir?","BAINES: I didn't spare you.","Without even looking at him, Baines pulls out a gun like Jenny had earlier, and fires it at the man. As he disintegrates into nothing, Baines, Jenny and Clarkeall walk on into the hall. Latimer is still inside, walking to a window and pulling back the curtains. The face of a scarecrow pops up and makes him jump back. When he looks back again, it is gone. He lets the curtain fall back. In the dance hall, Clarke enters first, gun in hand. Knocking over a hat stand as he strides in, the people shriek and move away.","CLARKE: There will be silence! All of you!","Scarecrows file in after Baines and Jenny.","CLARKE: I said silence!","ANNOUNCER: Mr Clarke! What's going on?","Clarke turns and fires at the announcer, dissolving him into nothing. Joan's hand stifles a shriek. Latimer, in a corner, stands up.","MARTHA: Mr Smith, everything I told you, just forget it! Don't say anything.","BAINES: We asked for silence! Now then. We have a few questions for Mr Smith.","LITTLE GIRL: No, better than that.","She joins Baines and Clarke.","LITTLE GIRL: The teacher. He's the Doctor. I heard them talking.","BAINES: You took human form.","THE DOCTOR: Of course I'm human, I was born human! As were you, Baines. And Jenny, and you, Mr Clarke! What is going on, this is madness!","BAINES: And a human brain, too! Simple, thick and dull.","JENNY: He's no good like this.","CLARKE: We need a Time Lord.","BAINES: Easily done.","Stepping forward, he raises his gun and aims it at the Doctor. The crowd gasps and the Doctor recoils backwards.","BAINES: Change back.","THE DOCTOR: I don't know what you're talking about.","BAINES: Change back!","THE DOCTOR (shouting): I literally do not know...","Jenny grabs Martha, holding a gun to her head, Martha screams.","MARTHA: Get off me!","JENNY: She's your friend, isn't she? Doesn't this scare you enough to change back?","THE DOCTOR: I don't know what you mean!","JENNY: Wait a minute... The maid told me about Smith and the matron... that woman, there!","CLARKE: Let's have you! Clarke grabs Joan and holds her hostage, as Jenny is with Martha.","BAINES: Have you enjoyed it, Doctor? Being human? Has it taught you wonderful things, are you better, richer, wiser? Then let's see you answer this. Which one of them do you want us to kill? Maid or matron? Your friend, or your lover? Your choice.","To be continued..."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who","Episode Number":"03x08","Episode Title":"Human Nature","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_04x03.json","Recap":["The Doctor and Donna land on the Ood 's home planet, the Ood-Sphere where a company called Ood Operations has been selling the Ood as slaves. A member of Friends of the Ood, Dr Ryder, infiltrates the company and lowers the settings on the force field which blocks the giant brain that telepathically connects all of the Ood. The Ood start a revolution. Halpen murders Dr Ryder, but transforms into an Ood because of his personal Ood, Ood Sigma, uses Halpen's hair loss medication to slowly convert Halpen into an Ood. Sigma promises to take care of Halpen. The Doctor shuts down the force-field, freeing the Ood."],"Transcript":["Spotlights turn on to reveal Ood.","ADVERTISEMENT VOICE: The Ood. They came from distant world. They voyaged across the stars, all with one purpose.","An Ood holds out a teacup.","OOD (in the ad): Do you take milk and sugar?","ADVERTISEMENT VOICE: To serve.","Mr Bartle is looking at a big screen with the advertisement on it.","Mr BARTLE: That's good. That's excellent, I like it sir. Buy one now! Direct. Straight to the point.","Mr HALPEN (on intercom): We play that across the tri-galactic for two weeks, then introduce this.","ADVERTISEMENT VOICE: Now only 50 credits!","The words appear on the screen.","Mr BARTLE: 50? We're reducing the price to 50 credits?","Mr HALPEN: Sales are down. We've got to reposition ourselves. So get going.","The communicator beeps as he hangs up.","Mr BARTLE: Idiot. Bleeding us dry! (talking to an Ood behind him) You there. Get me last month's military export figures. The army always needs more grunts.","OOD: Yes sir.","The Ood bows. Voice comes on intercom.","SOLANA: Mr Bartle, you asked me to call you.","Mr BARTLE: Solana, when those buyers arrive we're going to pitch like never before. I want those Ood flying out of here.","The Ood hands him a binder.","Mr BARTLE: That... I said military figures. That's the domestic files. Get me the military.","The Ood's eyes glow red.","OOD: The file is irrelevant, sir.","Mr BARTLE: Oh, why's that?","The Ood electrocutes him with his translator ball.","OOD: Have a nice day.","OPENING CREDITS","The TARDIS is rocking. Donna screams.","DOCTOR: Set the controls to random. Mystery tour. Outside that door could be any planet, anywhere, anywhen in the whole wide... Are you all right?","DONNA: Terrified. I mean history's one thing, but an alien planet!","DOCTOR: I could always take you home.","DONNA: Yeah, don't laugh at me.","DOCTOR: I know what it's like. Everything you're feeling right now. The fear, the joy, the wonder, I get that!","DONNA: Seriously? After all this time?","DOCTOR: Yeah. Why do you think I keep going?","DONNA: Oh! All right then, you and me both! This is barmy! I was born in Chiswick. I've only ever done package holidays. And now I'm here. This is so... I mean it's... I don't know, it's all sort of, I don't know what the word is!","She opens the Tardis door and steps out in to a snowy landscape.","DONNA: I've got the word. Freezing!","The Doctor comes out of the Tardis.","DOCTOR: Snow! Aw, real snow! Proper snow at last! That's more like it, lovely. What do you think?","DONNA (shivering): Bit cold.","DOCTOR: Look at that view!","DONNA: Yep. Beautiful, cold view.","DOCTOR: Millions of planets, millions of galaxies and we're on this one. Molto bene! Bellissimo! Says Donna. Born in Chiswick. All you've got is a life of work and sleep, and telly and rent and tax and takeaway dinners, all... birthdays and Christmases and two weeks holiday here, and then you end up here! Donna Noble. Citizen of the Earth, standing on a different planet. How 'bout that Donna?","He looks back at Tardis. Donna's not there.","DOCTOR: Donna?","She comes out in a big fluffy coat with a huge hood.","DONNA: Sorry, you were saying?","DOCTOR: Better?","DONNA: Lovely, thanks.","DOCTOR: Comfy?","DONNA: Yep.","DOCTOR: Can you hear anything inside that?","DONNA (smiling): Pardon?","DOCTOR: All right, I was saying, citizen of the Earth...","They looks up to see a big rocket flying over them.","DONNA (in awe): Rocket! Blimey, a real proper rocket. Now that's what I call a spaceship. You've got a box; he's got a Ferrari! Come on, lets go see where it's going!","Doctor looks back at Tardis, his pride offended. Outside a big factory building the people from the rocket are walking up to a group of people by a door.","Dr RYDER: Mr Halpen, sir. Dr Ryder, new head of Ood Management.","Mr HALPEN: How many dead? Come on, facts and figures. I haven't flown all this way to discuss the weather, which by the way is freezing.","Dr RYDER: Solana has the figures, sir.","SOLANA: Solana Mercurio, sir. Head of Marketing and Galactic Liaison.","Mr HALPEN: That's just what I need. A PR woman. I don't want a word of this getting out, is that understood? Now get to the point. How many dead?","They walk into the building.","SOLANA: In the past financial quarter we've had three deaths in the complex. All attributed to heart attacks or industrial accidents, but now we've captured this on tape, the cause would seem the same.","The screen shows the Ood electrocuting Mr Bartle.","Mr HALPEN: It's using the translator ball as a weapon. How's that work?","Dr RYDER: Well, no idea. I'm checking the equipment. Nothing so far.","Mr HALPEN: Can't see its eyes from this angle.","Dr RYDER: I think we have to assume...","Mr HALPEN: Red-eye.","Dr RYDER: I would think so sir.","Mr HALPEN: That Ood. What happened to it?","Dr RYDER: Oh, ran for the wild sir. Like a dog. One of the guards fired off a shot. It'll be dead by now.","SOLANA: Can I ask? What's \"red-eye\" sir?","Dr RYDER: Well, it's some sort of infection. The Ood's eyes literally change color.","Mr HALPEN: Drink!","Dr RYDER: I can't find a source. All the bacteria scans register negative.","His Ood hands Mr Halpen a glass.","SOLANA: Sorry, but according to your own rules sir, there's no alcohol allowed on base.","Mr HALPEN: It's hair tonic if you must know. (He drinks it). Five years ago I had a full head of hair. Stress, that's what this is. Stress.","The Doctor and Donna walk in a deserted winter wonderland, laughing. Suddenly he stops, hearing eerie music.","DOCTOR: Hold on, can you hear that? (louder) Donna, take your hood down!","DONNA: What?","DOCTOR: That noise is like a song.","He looks around to find the source.","DOCTOR: Over there!","He rushes to the body on the ground, followed by Donna.","DONNA: What is it?","DOCTOR: An Ood. He's called an Ood.","DONNA (disgusted): But it's face...","DOCTOR: Donna, don't. Not now. It's a he, not an it. Give me a hand.","DONNA: Sorry!","She kneels beside the Ood too. The Doctor examines the Ood with a stethoscope.","DOCTOR: I don't know where the heart is. I don't know if he's got a heart. Talk to him, keep him going.","DONNA: It's all right, we've got you. Um, what's your name?","DELTA 50 (weakly): Designated Ood Delta 50.","She picks up his translator ball, talking into it like into a microphone.","DONNA: My name's Donna.","DOCTOR: No, no, no, no. You don't need to...","DONNA: Sorry. (She tries to find out what to say). Oh, God! This is the Doctor! Just what you need, a doctor. Couldn't be better, hey?","DOCTOR: You've been shot.","DELTA 50: The circle...","DONNA: No, don't try to talk.","DELTA 50: The circle must be broken.","DOCTOR: Circle? What d'you mean? Delta 50, what circle? Delta 50? What circle?","Delta 50 suddenly sits up, roaring, eyes glowing red. The Doctor and Donna jump back. Then he collapses, dead.","DONNA: He's gone.","She goes back and kneels beside the body.","DOCTOR: Careful.","DONNA: There you are, sweetheart. (She strokes the Ood's head). We were too late. What do we do, do we bury him?","DOCTOR: The snow will take care of that.","DONNA: Who was he? What's an Ood?","DOCTOR: They're servants, of humans in the 42nd century. Mildly telepathic, that was the... song. It's his mind calling out.","DONNA: Couldn't hear anything. (She stands up). He sang as he was dying.","DOCTOR: His eyes turned red.","DONNA: What's that mean?","DOCTOR: Trouble. Come on. (They walk away). The Ood are harmless. They're completely benign. Except, the last time I met them, there was this force, like a... stronger mind, powerful enough to take them over.","DONNA: What sort of force?","DOCTOR: Yeah, long story.","DONNA: Long walk.","DOCTOR: It was the Devil.","DONNA: If you're gonna take the mickey, I'll just put my hood back up.","DOCTOR: Must be something different this time, though. Something closer to home.","They climb to a rock and behind, they see the Ood Operation buildings.","DOCTOR: A-ha! Civilisation!","A group of reps arrive to Ood Operations.","SOLANA: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Ood-Sphere. And isn't it bracing? Here are your information packs, with vouchers, 3D tickets and a map of the complex. My name's Solana, Head of Marketing. I'm sure we've all spoken on the vidfone. Now, if you'd like to follow me.","The Doctor and Donna arrive running.","DOCTOR: Sorry, sorry, sorry! Late. Don't mind us. Hello! The guards let us through.","SOLANA: And you would be?","The Doctor shows the psychic paper.","DOCTOR: The Doctor and Donna Noble.","DONNA: Representing the Noble Corporation PLC Limited, Intergalactic.","SOLANA: Must have fallen off my list, my apologies. Won't happen again. Now then, Dr Noble, Mrs Noble, if you'd like to come with me.","DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, no, no, we're not married!","DONNA: We're so not married.","DOCTOR: Never.","DONNA: Never ever!","SOLANA: Of course. And here are your information packs, vouchers inside. Now if you'd like to come with me, the Executive Suites are nice and warm.","An alarm wails.","DOCTOR: Oh, what's that? That sounds like an alarm.","In his office, Mr Halpen can hear it too.","Mr HALPEN: For God's sake, we've got the buyers arriving, who sounded the alarm? Drink!","SOLANA (to the reps): Oh, it's just a... siren, for the end of the work shift. Now then, this way, quick as you can!","Mr HALPEN (on the intercom): Mr Kess, what the hell's going on?","Mr KESS: Ood on the loose, sir. Looks like we've got another one.","Mr HALPEN: Red-eye?","Mr KESS: As red as sin, sir. Don't worry, Mr Halpen, we're on it.","The Ood runs across the yard.","GUARD: Sir!","Mr KESS: All right then, lads, go get him!","SOLANA (talking to the reps in the room with the huge screen): As you can see, the Ood are happy to serve, and we keep them in facilities of the highest standard. Here at the Double O, that's Ood Operations, we like to think of the Ood as our trusted friends.","During her speech, outside the guards, carrying huge guns, are still chasing the loose Ood.","Mr KESS: He's over there! You two follow me!","SOLANA: We keep the Ood healthy, safe, and educated.","Mr KESS: Take him alive!","SOLANA: We don't just breed the Ood. We make them better. Because at heart, what is an Ood, but a reflection of us? If your Ood is happy, then you'll be happy, too.","The Ood turns to face the guards, not attacking, just growling, raging.","Mr KESS: Mr Halpen, this is a bit more than red-eye, sir. This is something new. It's rabid, sir.","Mr HALPEN: Take it to Dr Ryder. Just get it out of sight!","VOICE (over the intercom): Sales figures needed by 19,00 sir.","Mr HALPEN: Yeah, yeah, yeah.","He goes to the mirror, examining his head.","Mr HALPEN (to his Ood): What do you think? Growing back? Just a little bit? Like you'd know!","SOLANA: I'd now like to point out a new innovation from Ood Operations. We've introduced a variety package with the Ood translator ball. You can now have the Standard Setting. (talking to Ood1) : How are you today, Ood?","OOD 1 (normal voice): I'm perfectly well, thank you.","SOLANA: Or perhaps, after a stressful day, a little something for the gentlemen. (to Ood 2) : And how are you, Ood?","OOD 2 (sultry female voice): All the better for seeing you.","SOLANA: And the comedy classic option. (to Ood 3) : Ood, you dropped something.","OOD 3 (Homer Simpson voice): Doh!","The reps laugh.","SOLANA: All that for only five additional credits. The details are in your brochures. Now, there's plenty more food and drink, so, don't hold back.","She leaves; the Doctor goes to the control board and brings the picture of the solar system to the big screen.","DOCTOR: Ah, got it! The Ood-Sphere, I've been to this solar system before, years ago, ages! Close to the planet Sense-Sphere. Let's widen out. (he does it) The year 4126. That is the Second Great and Bountiful Human Empire.","DONNA: 4126. It's 4126. I'm in 4126.","DOCTOR: It's good, isn't it?","DONNA: What's the Earth like now?","DOCTOR: Bit full. But you see, the Empire stretches out across three galaxies.","DONNA: It's weird. I mean, it's brilliant, but... Back home, the papers and the telly, they keep saying we haven't got long to live. Global warming. Flooding. All the bees disappearing.","DOCTOR: Yeah, that thing about the bees is odd.","DONNA: But look at us! We're everywhere. Is that good or bad, though? I mean, are we like explorers? Or more like a virus?","DOCTOR: Sometimes I wonder.","DONNA (examining the picture on the screen): What are the red dots?","DOCTOR: Ood distribution centres.","DONNA: Across three galaxies? Don't the Ood get a say in this?","She walks to the Ood standing nearest.","DONNA: Um, sorry, but...","He doesn't seem to notice her, so she touches his shoulder to get his attention.","DONNA: Hello. Tell me, are you all like this?","OOD 1: I do not understand, Miss.","DONNA: Why do you say \"Miss\", do I look single?","DOCTOR: Back to the point.","DONNA: Yeah. What I mean is, are there any free Ood? Are there Ood running wild somewhere? Like wood beast.","OOD 1: All Ood are born to serve. Otherwise, we would die.","DONNA: But you can't have started like that. Before the humans, what were you like?","The Ood seems confused.","OOD 1: The circle.","DOCTOR: What do you mean, what circle?","OOD 1 (struggling): The circ... the circle... is...","SOLANA: Ladies and gentlemen! All Ood to hospitality stations, please.","DOCTOR: I've had enough of the schmoozing. Do you fancy going off the beaten track?","SOLANA (voice from the background): Now, if I can introduce you...","DONNA (smiling): Rough guide to the Ood-Sphere? Works for me!","DOCTOR: Isn't it?","Mr Halpen and Dr Ryder are in a dark chamber, the rabid Ood chained up, still raging non-stop, two armed man guarding him.","Mr HALPEN: What the hell is wrong with it?","Dr RYDER: It's obviously stage two of red-eye. Whatever that means.","Mr HALPEN: Ood Sigma, have you seen this before?","SIGMA: Humanity defines us, sir. We look to you for answers.","Mr HALPEN: Oh, fat lot of good, all of you. We're exporting hundreds of thousands of Ood to all the civilised planets. If they turn rabid, you know what it'll mean.","Dr RYDER: There's only one thing I haven't checked, sir. Warehouse 15.","Mr HALPEN: Why should that cause trouble? It's been two centuries now. No change, not ever. Drink!","Dr RYDER: I know it's restricted access, but if I'm going to work on this, I should see it. Just in case.","Mr HALPEN: Can't stand the place. (He gulps his drink). Still. Warehouse 15 then, come on.","Dr RYDER: What about this one, sir?","Mr HALDEN: Well, I'd suggest a post mortem. Which means it's got to be dead first.","As they leave, the guards start shooting. The Doctor sonics a fence open.","LOUDSPEAKERS: Ood shift eight, now commencing. Repeat, Ood shift eight now commencing.","The Oods are marching through the yard in a fashion like soldiers or prisoners. One of them falls to his knees. Mr Kess rushes to him.","Mr KESS: Get up! I said get up!","Mr Kess whips the Ood until he manages to get back to his feet.","DONNA: Servants? They're slaves.","Mr KESS: Get up! March!","DOCTOR: Last time I met the Ood, I never thought. I never asked.","DONNA: That's not like you.","DOCTOR: I was busy. So busy I couldn't save them, I had to let the Ood die. I reckon I owe them one.","Mr Halpen, Dr Ryder, Sigma and two guards cross the now empty yard.","DONNA: That looks like the boss.","DOCTOR: Let's keep out of his way. Come on.","They leave.","Dr RYDER: How long since you went inside?","Mr HALPEN: Must be... ten years ago.","He types the code to open the door.","COMPUTER VOICE: Warehouse 15.","Mr HALPEN: My father brought me here, when I was six years old.","COMPUTER VOICE: Security protocol initiated.","Mr HALPEN: God, the stench of it.","COMPUTER VOICE: Warehouse 15. Door open.","They get inside and stop by the balustrade, looking at something below.","Dr RYDER: Incredible.","Mr HALPEN: Like I said. Nothing's changed.","Dr RYDER: I've read the documents, but... it doesn't quite prepare you.","Mr HALPEN: Is it just me, or does it feel as if it's looking at you?","Dr RYDER: I think I understand the barrier mechanics well enough. I'll check the signal.","He goes to the controls.","Mr HALPEN (to Sigma): Suppose it's home sweet home to you. What d'you think?","SIGMA: I have no opinion, sir.","Mr HALPEN: Well... say hello to Daddy.","Dr RYDER: Nothing. The barrier's intact. No abnormal signal. Same as it's been for 200 years.","SOLANA (on the intercom): Mr Halpen, the two people from the Noble Corporation failed to pass security checks. There's no such company, the Noble Corporation doesn't exist. And on top of that, they seem to have gone missing, sir, the Doctor and Miss Noble.","Mr HALPEN: Just what I need. Start a search, no alarms, got that? Keep it quiet. (To Sigma) You see? Hair loss! Drink!","He takes the glass, then lifts it up, over the balustrade.","Mr HALPEN: Tell you what, old friend. Have this one on me. Cheers!","He pours it to the thing below, evoking a loud rumble.","Mr HALPEN: I think we're finished here.","He turns to leave, Dr Ryder follows, still unable to take his eyes off the thing. He bumps into Sigma.","Dr RYDER: Sorry.","Sigma also takes one last look before following the humans. The Doctor, concentrating on the map, goes past a door, but Donna stops him with a loud whistle.","DOCTOR: Where d'you learn to whistle?","DONNA: West Ham, every Saturday.","He uses the sonic to open the door. It leads to a huge hangar, filled with containers. They see a giant claw lifting and transporting the containers.","DOCTOR: Ood export. D'you see? Lifts up the containers, takes them to the rocket sheds, ready to be flown out, all over the three galaxies.","DONNA: What, you mean, these containers are full of...?","DOCTOR: What do you think?","He opens the door on one container. Inside, it's filled with Ood, just standing there, motionless.","DONNA (horrified): Oh, it stinks! How many of them d'you think there are in each one?","DOCTOR: Hundred? More?","DONNA: A great big empire, built on slavery.","DOCTOR: It's not so different from your time.","DONNA: Oi! I haven't got slaves!","DOCTOR: Who d'you think made your clothes?","DONNA: Is that why you travel round with a human at your side? It's not so you can show them the wonders of the universe, it's so you can take cheap shots?","DOCTOR: Sorry.","DONNA: You don't. Spaceman. (To the Ood) I don't understand, the door is open, why don't you just run away?","OOD: For what reason?","DONNA: You could be free.","OOD: I do not understand the concept.","DONNA: What is it with that Persil ball? I mean, they're not born with it, are they? Why do they have to be all plugged in?","DOCTOR: Ood, tell me, does \"the circle\" mean anything to you?","ALL OOD: # The circle must be broken.","DONNA: Woah, that is creepy!","DOCTOR: But what is it? What is the circle?","ALL OOD: # The circle must be broken.","DOCTOR: Why?","ALL OOD: # So that we can sing.","Mr KESS: Mr Halpen? I'm in Ood Cargo, I've found your unwanted guests. (To the guards) Go!","He sounds an alarm.","DOCTOR: Oh, that's us! Come on!","Mr HALPEN: Cut the alarms! I said, no alarms!","SOLANA (to the reps): Nothing to worry about, ladies and gentlemen, it's just a fire drill. We test the system at this time every day. If you'll excuse me.","The Doctor and Donna run between the containers. She stops.","DONNA: Doctor, there's a door!","But the guards are coming in right through that door.","GUARD: Don't move...","DOCTOR (noticing he's alone): Where've you gone?","But he has no time to wonder as guards are at his heels.","GUARD: ...stay where you are.","They catch Donna and push her into a container.","DONNA: Get off me! Get off me!","DOCTOR: Donna! Where are you?","Mr KESS: All guards withdraw.","GUARD: Sir?","Mr KESS: I said withdraw. Keep to the perimeter. I've got this one. (He's at the controls of the huge claw). I've always wanted to do this.","The Doctor is running from the claw. He tries to get in a container but no luck.","Mr KESS: Container locked.","DONNA (to the Ood): Can you help me? (She notices that their eyes are glowing red). Oh, no, you don't! What have I done? I'm not one of that lot. I'm on your side! Stay where you are. That's an order! I said, stay! Doctor! DOCTOR!","The Doctor is now losing against the claw. He finally falls to the ground, panting. But it stops just before crushing him.","SOLANA (to Mr Kess): You heard the instructions. Mr Halpen wants them alive.","Two guards grab the Doctor and lead him toward the exit.","DONNA (voice from the container): Doctor, get me out! Doctor, get me out of here!","DOCTOR: If you don't do what she says then you're really in trouble. Not from me, from her.","Mr KESS: Unlock the container!","They open the door, Donna runs to hug the Doctor.","DONNA: Doctor!","DOCTOR: There we go, safe and sound.","DONNA: Never mind about me, what about them?!","The Ood are marching out of the container. They electrocute the guard who stands by the door.","Mr KESS: Red alert! Fire!","More containers open with even more red-eyed Ood attacking.","Mr KESS: Shoot to kill!","The guards start to fire. The Doctor and Donna run off the building, followed by Solana. They stop a bit further.","DONNA: If people back on Earth... knew what was going on here...","SOLANA: Oh, don't be so stupid. Of course they know.","DONNA: They know how you treat the Ood?","SOLANA: They don't ask. Same thing.","DOCTOR: Solana, the Ood aren't born like this, they can't be. A species born to serve could never evolve in the first place. What does the company do to make them obey?","SOLANA: That's nothing to do with me!","DOCTOR: Oh what, cos you don't ask?","SOLANA: That's Dr Ryder's territory.","DOCTOR: Where is he? What part of the complex? I could help, with the red-eye, now show me!","SOLANA (pointing on the map): There. Beyond the red section.","DOCTOR: Come with me. You've seen the warehouse, you can't agree with all this. You know this place better than me, you could help.","Solana thinks about it for a few seconds, but finally decides to stay loyal to the company.","SOLANA: They're over here! Guards! They're over here!","GUARD: Male and female suspects escaped. Westridge corridor.","SOLANA (on the intercom): Mr Halpen, I found the Doctor. He's heading for Ood Conversion.","Mr HALPEN: On my way. (Talking to Mr Kess on the com) : Mr Kess, what's the situation?","Mr KESS: We've contained it, sir, fenced them in. But the red-eye seems to be permanent this time, it's not fading. Worse than that, sir... there's more of them going rabid. My opinion, sir, I think we've lost them. The entire batch contaminated.","Mr HALPEN: What's causing it? Why now? What's changed?","Absent-minded, he strokes his own head, and looks horrified at the bunch of hair that's stayed in his hand.","Mr HALPEN (on the intercom): How many Ood, in total?","Mr KESS: I'd say about 2,000, sir.","Mr HALPEN: We can write them off, that's what insurance is for. Drink! We've plenty more on the breeding farms, let's start again. (He gulps his drink). Fetch the canisters. No survivors.","Mr KESS: My pleasure, sir. You lot, canisters!","The Doctor and Donna are running from two guards.","DOCTOR: This way!","They arrive to another door.","DOCTOR: Oh, can you hear it? I didn't need the map, I should've listened.","They get inside, then he uses the sonic to lock the door.","DONNA: Hold on. Does that mean we're locked in?","DOCTOR: Listen. Listen, listen, listen, listen...","Eerie music sounds.","DOCTOR: Oh, my head!","DONNA: What is it?","DOCTOR: Can't you hear it? The singing?","They see a cage with several Ood inside. These ones seem shy, trying to hide from them.","DONNA: They look different to the others.","DOCTOR: That's because they're natural-born Ood, unprocessed, before they're adapted to slavery. Unspoilt.","They go to the cage.","DOCTOR: That's their song.","DONNA: I can't hear it.","DOCTOR: D'you want to?","DONNA: Yeah.","DOCTOR (warning): It's the song of captivity.","DONNA: Let me hear it.","DOCTOR: Face me. (He puts his hands to her head, like when he is mind reading). Open your mind, that's it. Hear it, Donna. Hear the music.","She hears a beautiful song of lament which makes her cry.","DONNA (choking): Take it away!","DOCTOR: Sure?","DONNA: I can't hear it.","He puts his hands on her head again, stopping her from hearing the telepathic singing.","DONNA: I'm sorry.","DOCTOR: It's OK.","DONNA: But you can still hear it?","DOCTOR: All the time.","Mr HALPEN: Come on, what's the hold-up?","Dr RYDER: It's the experimentation lab, maximum security, he's fused the system.","Mr HALPEN: Don't just stand there, get the bolt-cutters, rip that door off! Solana, go back to the reps, I don't want any of them wandering off and seeing this. And get them away from the Ood, just in case. Hurry up!","SOLANA: Yes, sir.","The Doctor uses the sonic to open the cage of the Ood. Loud thuds come from the door.","DONNA: They're breaking in.","THE DOCTOR: Ah, let them.","He goes into the cage. The Ood are trying to get as far from him as possible.","DOCTOR: What are you holding? Show me. Friend. Doctor Donna. Friend. Let me see... Look at me... Let me see. (One of them creeps closer). That's it. That's it, go on. Go on...","The Ood opens his palms, showing the small brain he was hiding.","DONNA: Is that...?","DOCTOR: It's a brain. A hind brain. The Ood are born with a secondary brain. Like the amygdala in humans, it processes memory and emotions. You get rid of that, you wouldn't be Donna any more. You'd be like an Ood, a processed Ood.","DONNA (shocked): So the company... cuts off their brains?","DOCTOR (angry): And they stitch on the translator!","DONNA: Like a lobotomy. (She is terribly shaken). I spent all that time looking for you, Doctor, because I thought it would be so wonderful out here... I want to go home.","With a final loud thud, the door is opened.","GUARD: They're with the Ood, sir.","The Doctor closes the door of the cage, locking himself and Donna inside with the Ood.","DOCTOR: What you gonna do, then? Arrest me? Lock me up? Throw me in a cage? Well, you're too late! Hah!","The Doctor and Donna are taken back to the main building. They are handcuffed to some pipes.","Mr HALPEN: Why don't you just come out and say it? Foto activists!","DOCTOR: If that's what Friends Of The Ood are trying to prove, yes!","Mr HALPEN: The Ood were nothing without us, just animals roaming around on the ice.","DOCTOR: That's because you can't hear them.","Mr HALPEN: They welcomed it! It's not as if they put up a fight.","DONNA: You idiot! They're born with their brains in their hands. Don't you see, that makes them peaceful! They've got to be, cos a creature like that would have to trust anyone it meets.","DOCTOR: Oh, nice one.","DONNA: Thank you!","Mr HALPEN: The system's worked for 200 years. All we've got is a rogue batch. But the infection is about to be sterilised. (On the intercom) Mr Kess? How do we stand?","Mr KESS: Canisters primed, sir. As soon as the core heats up, the gas is released. Give it 200 marks (he starts the countdown) and counting.","DOCTOR: You're gonna gas them?!","Mr HALPEN: Kill the livestock. The classic foot-and-mouth solution from the olden days. Still works.","The natural Ood in the cage lift their palms up, staring to sing. So do the red-eyed ones.","SOLANA (talking to the reps): I'm sorry, if I could ask you one more time, could all the reps please come through to the Education Suites.","REP 1 (obviously drunk): Why move now? It's a free bar!","SOLANA: Could I ask all the Ood to withdraw, it's feeding time.","The Oods in there can also hear the singing. They bow their heads like they are in pain.","REP 1: Aw! You've upset them. Leave them alone!","SOLANA: I have to insist. If all the Ood could please leave...","The Ood look up, they eyes have turned red.","SOLANA (scared): Ladies and gentlemen, change of plan. If you could leave by the fire exits...","REP 1: I could sell this! You could offer different colours.","An Ood elecrocutes him with the translator ball. They start to kill off the other reps. Solana runs out to the yard, only to find more red-eyed Ood and the guards trying to fight them.","GUARD: They've gone insane, Miss, they've gone mad, all of them!","SOLANA: Just shoot them! Shoot to kill!","She tries to escape but gets killed by an Ood coming from a different direction. An alarm wails.","Mr HALPEN: What the hell?","He leaves with Dr Ryder to see what's happening outside. Mr Kess is still in the cargo hall, chacking the devide that should gas the Ood.","Mr KESS: What's going on out there?","The door opens and red-eyed Ood enter the hangar.","COMPUTER VOICE (from loudspeakers): Emergency status. Emergency status. All exits sealed.","Mr RYDER: It's a revolution.","The yard is filled with guards and Ood fighting. Mr Halpen and Dr Ryder watch it, shocked, then head back inside. Sigma looks at his people, but then turns back to follow his master.","Mr KESS: Come back! Let me out of here!","The Ood have locked him in without gas mask, he chokes to death when the gas cannon goes off. Mr Halpen and Dr Ryder return to the room where the Doctor and Donna are chained.","Mr HALPEN: Change of plan.","Dr RYDER: There are no reports of trouble off-world, sir, it's still contained to the Ood-Sphere.","Mr HALPEN: Then we've got a public duty to stop it before it spreads.","DOCTOR: What's happening?","Mr HALPEN: Everything you wanted, Doctor. No doubt there'll be a full police investigation once this place has been sterilised, so I can't risk a bullet to the head. I'll leave you to the mercies of the Ood.","DOCTOR: But Mr Halpen, there's something else, isn't there? Something we haven't seen!","DONNA: What d'you mean?","DOCTOR: A creature couldn't survive with a separate forebrain and hind brain, they'd be at war with themselves. There's got to be something else, a third element, am I right?","Mr HALPEN: And again, so clever!","THE DOCTOR: But it's got to be connected to the red-eye, what is it?","Mr HALPEN: \"It\" won't exist for very much longer. Enjoy your Ood.","He leaves followed by Dr Ryder, Sigma and the two guards. The Doctor and Donna try to get their hands free.","DOCTOR: Come on!","Mr HALPEN: Dr Ryder. Warehouse 15.","Dr RYDER (about Sigma): Well, what about this one?","Mr HALPEN: No. You've not turned. Faithful to the last. Go, join your people, while you still can.","They bow their heads and then Sigma leaves.","Mr HALPEN (to Dr Ryder): Come on!","DONNA: Well, do something! You're the one with all the tricks! You must've met Houdini!","DOCTOR: These are really good handcuffs!","DONNA: Oh, well I'm glad of that. I mean, at least we've got quality!","The door opens and three red-eyed Ood come in. The Doctor and Donna try to say something that would connect to them.","DOCTOR: Doctor, Donna, friends.","DONNA: The circle must be broken.","DOCTOR: Doctor, Donna, friends!","DONNA: The circle must be broken!","DOCTOR: Doctor, Donna, friends!","DONNA: The circle must be broken!","DOCTOR: Friends, friends, friends!","The red-eyed Oods are still advancing. But through the telepatic link, what they hear echoes to the natural Ood in the cage. They stand up and lift their palms, they seem to send a message to the three menacing the Doctor and Donna, those three bow their heads, and when they look up the red-eye is gone.","OOD: Doctor. Donna. Friends.","DOCTOR \/ DONNA: Yes! That's us! Friends! Oh, yes!","A rabid Ood jumps on one of the guards. Dr Ryder wants to help but Mr Halpen pulls him back.","Mr HALPEN: No! Leave him.","The Doctor and Donna look around on the yard that is now a real battlefield, guns rattle, people shout, fires everywhere.","DOCTOR: I don't know where it is! I don't know where they've gone!","DONNA: What are we looking for?","DOCTOR: Might be underground, like some sort of cave, or a cavern, or...","Dr Ryder and Mr Halpen reach the door of Warehouse 15 and go inside.","COMPUTER VOICE: Warehouse 15. Door open.","The Doctor and Donna are thrown to the ground by an explosion.","DOCTOR (to Donna): All right?","She nods. As they look up, they see Sigma watching them.","Mr HALPEN: It's always been an option, my grandfather drew up this plan. That's the advantage of a family-run business, Dr Ryder. The personal touch.","Dr RYDER: But we should evacuate. If we can get to the rocket sheds...","Mr HALPEN: No need! We've got this. (He opens a huge safe). Detonation packs.","He gives some of them to Dr Ryder.","Mr HALPEN: Place them around the circumference. We're gonna blow it up. This thing dies, so do the Ood.","They attach the detonators to the balustrade. Sigma leads the Doctor and Donna to Warehouse 15. The Doctor opens the door with the sonic. They get inside and stop by the balustrade, watching the thing below: a giant brain.","DOCTOR: The Ood Brain. Now it all makes sense, that's the missing link, the third element, binding them together. Forebrain, hind brain, and this, the telepathic centre. It's a shared mind, connecting all the Ood in song.","Mr Halpen appears, pointing a gun at them.","Mr HALPEN: Cargo. I can always go into cargo. I've got the rockets, I've got the sheds. Smaller business, much more manageable, without livestock.","Dr RYDER: He's mined the area.","DONNA: They're gonna kill it?","Mr HALPEN: They found that... thing centuries ago beneath the Northern Glacier.","DOCTOR: Those pylons.","DONNA: In a circle. \"The circle must be broken.\"","DOCTOR: Damping the telepathic field. Stopping the Ood from connecting for 200 years.","Mr HALPEN: And you, Ood Sigma, you brought them here. I expected better.","SIGMA: My place is at your side, sir.","Mr HALPEN: Ha-ha! Still subservient. Good Ood.","DONNA: If that barrier thing's in place, how come the Ood started breaking out?","DOCTOR: Maybe it's taken centuries to adapt. The subconscious reaching out.","Dr RYDER: But the process was too slow. Had to be accelerated. You should never give me access to those controls, Mr Halpen. I lowered the barrier to its minimum. Friends Of The Ood, sir. It's taken me ten years to infiltrate the company. And I succeeded.","Mr HALPEN: Yes. Yes, you did.","He smiles and pushes Dr Ryder over the balustrade.","DONNA: You... murdered him!","Mr HALPEN: Very observant, Ginger. Now, then... can't say I've ever shot anyone before. Can't say I'm gonna like it. But it's not exactly a normal day, is it? Still...","SIGMA: Would you like a drink, sir?","Mr HALPEN: I think hair loss is the least of my problems right now, thanks.","Sigma steps between the Doctor and Mr Halpen.","SIGMA: Please have a drink, sir.","Mr HALPEN: If... If you're going to stand in their way, I'll shoot you too.","SIGMA: Please have a drink, sir.","Mr HALPEN: Have... Have you... poisoned me?","SIGMA: Natural Ood must never kill, sir.","DOCTOR: What is that stuff?","SIGMA: Ood-graft suspended in a biological compound, sir.","Mr HALPEN (scared): What the hell does that mean?!","DOCTOR: Oh, dear...","Mr HALPEN: Tell me!","DOCTOR: Funny thing, the subconscious. Takes all sorts of shapes. Came out in the red-eye as revenge. Came out in the rabid Ood as anger. And then, there was patience. All that intelligence and mercy, focused on Ood Sigma. How's the hair loss, Mr Halpen?","As he touches his head, another bunch of hair stays in his hand.","Mr HALPEN (staring to shake): What have you done?","DOCTOR: Oh, they've been preparing you for a very long time. And now you're standing next to the Ood Brain. Mr Halpen, can you hear it? Listen...","Mr HALPEN (choking): What have you...? I'm... not...!","He drops the gun and bows forward, then grabs the skin on his head. He peels it off, revealing an Ood scull below. Tenticles come out of his mouth and he is turned completely into and Ood.","DONNA (horrified): They... They turned him into an Ood?!","DOCTOR: Yep.","DONNA: He's an Ood.","DOCTOR: I noticed.","Halpen \/ Ood seems to sneeze, and a small hind brain falls into his hands.","SIGMA: He has become Oodkind. And we will take care of him.","DONNA (shocked): It's weird, being with you, I can't tell what's right and what's wrong any more.","DOCTOR: It's better that way. People who know for certain tend to be like Mr Halpen.","The detonators start beeping.","DOCTOR: Ooh! (He twists something to switch them off). That's better. And now... Sigma, would you allow me the honour?","SIGMA: It is yours, Doctor.","He goes to the controls to turn off the electric field around the brain.","DOCTOR: Oh, yes! Stifled for 200 years, but not any more. The circle is broken. The Ood can sing!","A beautiful, joyous song begins. The Doctor laughs, Donna looks delighted.","DONNA: I can hear it!","The Oods everywhere stop fighting, they stand in circles, lift their palms and join to the song. The Doctor and Donna are standing near the TARDIS, accompanied by several Oods including Sigma.","DOCTOR: The message has gone out. That song resonated across the galaxies, everyone heard it. Everyone knows. The rockets are bringing them back. The Ood are coming home.","SIGMA: We thank you, Doctor Donna. Friends of Oodkind. And what of you now, will you stay? There is room in the song for you.","DOCTOR: Oh, I've... I've sort of got a song of my own, thanks.","SIGMA: I think your song must end soon.","DOCTOR: Meaning?","SIGMA: Every song must end.","DOCTOR: Yeah. (to Donna) Erm, what about you? You still want to go home?","DONNA: No. Definitely not.","DOCTOR: Then, we'll be off.","SIGMA: Take this song with you.","The Ood lift their palms and start singing.","DONNA: We will.","DOCTOR: Always.","SIGMA: And know this, Doctor Donna. You will never be forgotten. Our children will sing of the Doctor Donna, and our children's children. And the wind and the ice and the snow will carry your names forever.","The Oods stand there, singing, as they watch the TARDIS dematerialising."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who","Episode Number":"04x03","Episode Title":"Planet of the Ood","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_05x10.json","Recap":["During a visit to the Mus\u00e9e d'Orsay in 2010, the Doctor finds a creature in the church window of Vincent van Gogh 's ( Tony Curran ) The Church at Auvers . He takes Amy back to 1890 to meet van Gogh, and to discover why the creature was in the painting. Welcoming them, van Gogh works with the Doctor to find a Krafyis: a lost, blind member of an alien species whom only van Gogh can see. Van Gogh kills the creature, although he empathises with its pain. Before they leave, the Doctor and Amy take van Gogh to the present (where he discovers that people will admire him). This gives Amy hope that he created more paintings and did not commit suicide. Devastated to learn that he still took his own life, she learns that one of his sunflower paintings was dedicated to her."],"Transcript":["EXT. WHEATFIELD, DAY","The wheat is blowing gently in the wind. There is a certain area of disturbance and we hear footsteps. A murder of crows take off into the blue sky where the field is cut by a dirt road. The camera pans over and we see a painting of the scene in the impressionist style with thick brushstrokes and vivid colors. A hand with a brush reaches out to paint a crow. Over the top of the canvas we see a straw hat and then the blue eyes of the artist as he looks out at the scene before him.","INT. MUSEE D'ORSAY, DAY","We pull back from that same painting to see it in a museum setting. An art expert, DR BLACK, discusses the painting.","BLACK: So this is one of the last paintings Van Gogh ever painted. Those final months of his life were probably the most astonishing artistic outpouring in history. It was like Shakespeare knocking off Othello, Macbeth and King Lear over the summer hols. And especially astonishing because Van Gogh did it with no hope of praise or reward.","As he lectures, the DOCTOR and AMY enter the exhibition room.","AMY: Thanks for bringing me.","DOCTOR: You're welcome.","AMY: You're being so nice to me. Why are you being so nice to me?","DOCTOR: I'm always nice to you.","AMY: Not like this. These places you're taking me - Arcadia, the Trojan Gardens, now this. I think it's suspicious.","DOCTOR: Well, it's not. There's nothing to be suspicious about.","AMY: OK, I was joking. Why aren't you?","BLACK: Each of these pictures now is worth tens of millions of pounds. Yet in his lifetime, he was a commercial disaster. Sold only one painting, and that to the sister of a friend. We have here possibly the greatest artist of all time, but when he died, you could sold his entire body of work and got about enough money to buy a sofa and a couple of chairs. (group laughs) If you follow me now...(leads the group to another painting)","BOY #1:: Who is it?","BOY #2:: It's the doctor!","The DOCTOR turns to see two boys looking at the painting of Van Gogh's physician.","BOY #2:: He was the doctor who took care of Van Gogh when he started to go mad.","BOY #1:: I knew that.","AMY grabs him by the arm and pulls him towards a painting, \"The Church at Auvers\". She holds up her guidebook.","AMY: Look! There it is, the actual one.","DOCTOR: Yes. You can almost feel his hand painting it right in front of you. Carving the colours into shapes... Wait a minute. (looks closer at the painting)","AMY: What?","DOCTOR: (points) Well, just look at that.","AMY: What?","DOCTOR: Something very not good indeed.","AMY: What thing very not good?","DOCTOR: Look there, in the window of the church.","A dark figure has been painted in one of the church windows.","AMY: Is it a face?","DOCTOR: Yes. And not a nice face at all. I know evil when I see it and I see it in that window.","The DOCTOR makes his way over to BLACK, who is still lecturing.","BLACK: It has changed hands for something in the region of 20...","DOCTOR: Excuse me, if I can just interrupt for one second. (shows psychic paper) Sorry, everyone. Routine inspection, Ministry of Art and... Artiness. So, um...","BLACK: Dr Black.","DOCTOR: Yes, that's right. Do you know when that picture of the church was painted?","BLACK: Ah, what an interesting question. Most people...","DOCTOR: I'm going to have to hurry you. When was it?","BLACK: Exactly?","DOCTOR: As exactly as you can. Without a long speech, if poss. I'm in a hurry.","BLACK: Well, in that case, probably somewhere between the 1st and 3rd of June.","DOCTOR: What year?","BLACK: 1890. Less than a year before he killed himself.","DOCTOR: Thank you, sir. Very helpful indeed. Nice bow-tie. (to AMY) Bow-ties are cool.","BLACK: Yours is very...","DOCTOR: Oh, thank you. Keep telling them stuff. (grabs AMY and pulls her through the exhibit) We need to go.","AMY: What about the other pictures?","DOCTOR: Art can wait. This is life and death.(give AMY and shove) We need to talk to Vincent Van Gogh.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Matt Smith Karen Gillan","\"Vincent and the Doctor\" by Richard Curtis","Producer Tracie Simpson Patrick Schweitzer","Director Jonny Campbell","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. AUVERS-SUR-OISE, ALLEY, NIGHT","A cat lying on the cobbles runs off as the TARDIS materializes. The DOCTOR and AMY step out and head down the alleyway.","DOCTOR: Right, so here's the plan. We find Vincent and he leads us straight to the church and our nasty friend.","AMY: Easy peasy.","DOCTOR: Well, no. I suspect nothing will be easy with Mr Van Gogh. Now, he'll probably be in the local cafe - sort of orangey light, chairs and tables outside.","AMY pulls out her small guidebook from the museum and opens it to \"The Cafe Terrace on the Place du Forum, Arles, at Night\".","AMY: Like this?","DOCTOR: That's the one.","AMY: (looks up) Or indeed like that.","The scene before them is the painting come to life.","DOCTOR: Yeah, exactly like that.","EXT, CAF\u00c9, NIGHT","The DOCTOR approaches the help clearing tables. The owner MAURICE is also there.","DOCTOR: Good evening. Does the name Vincent Van Gogh ring a bell?","MAURICE: Don't mention that man to me. (walks back inside)","DOCTOR: (to waitresses) Excuse me. Do you know Vincent Van Gogh?","WAITRESS: Unfortunately.","AMY: Unfortunately?","WAITRESS: He's drunk, he's mad and he never pays his bills.","DOCTOR: Good painter, though, eh?","The waitresses and the patrons laugh. The DOCTOR sits at one of the tables, dejected. We then hear voices from inside the caf\u00e9.","MAN: Come on! Come on! One painting for one drink. That's not a bad deal.","MAURICE comes out of the caf\u00e9 holding a canvas followed by another man. It is VINCENT VAN GOGH. AMY and the DOCTOR react in quiet, giddy excitement.","MAURICE: It wouldn't be a bad deal if the painting were any good. I can't hang that up on my walls. It'd scare the customers half to death. (holds painting up) It's bad enough having you in here in person, let alone looming over the customers day and night in a stupid hat. You pay money or you get out.","DOCTOR: I'll pay if you like.","MAURICE: What?","DOCTOR: Well, if you like. I'll pay for the drink. Or I'll pay for the painting and you can use the money to pay for the drink.","VINCENT: Exactly who are you?","DOCTOR: I'm... new in town.","VINCENT: Well, in that case, you don't know three things. One, I pay for my own drinks, thank you. (everyone laughs) Two, no-one ever buys any of my paintings or they would be laughed out of town, so if you want to stay in town, I suggest you keep your cash to yourself. And three, your friend's cute, but you should keep your big nose out of other people's business. (to MAURICE) Come on, just one more drink. I'll pay tomorrow.","MAURICE: No.","VINCENT: Or, on the other hand, slightly more compassionately, yes.","MAURICE: Or, on the other hand, to protect my business from madmen, no.","VINCENT: Or--","AMY: Oh, look, just shut up the pair of you! (to MAURICE) I would like a bottle of wine, please, which I will then share with whomever (looks at VINCENT) I choose.","VINCENT: That could be good.","MAURICE: That's good by me.","AMY: Good. (goes inside)","MAURICE heads back in then stops and presses the self-portrait to VINCENT'S chest before entering the caf\u00e9. We see clearly that the painting is \"Self Portrait with Straw Hat\".","INT. CAF\u00c9, NIGHT","The DOCTOR, AMY and VINCENT are sitting at a table, drinking wine.","VINCENT: That accent of yours. You from Holland like me?","The DOCTOR and AMY answer at the same time.","AMY: No.","DOCTOR: Yes. She means yes. So, start again. Hello, I'm the Doctor.","VINCENT: I knew it!","DOCTOR: Sorry?","VINCENT: My brother's always sending doctors, but you won't be able to help.","DOCTOR: No, not that kind of doctor. (laughs and points to a painting at VINCENT'S side. It is the unfinished \"La M\u00e9ridienne\")","That's incredible, don't you think, Amy?","AMY: Absolutely. One of my favourites.","VINCENT: One of my favourite whats? You've never seen my work before.","AMY: Ah, yes. One of my favourite paintings that I've ever seen. Generally.","VINCENT: Then you can't have seen many paintings, then. I know it's terrible. It's the best I could do. Your hair is orange.","AMY: (leans forward) Yes. So's yours.","VINCENT: Yes. It was more orange, but now is, of course, less.","DOCTOR: So, Vincent, painted any churches recently? Any churchy plans? Are churches, chapels, religiousy stuff like that, something you'd like to get into? You know, fairly soon?","VINCENT: Well, there is one church I'm thinking of painting when the weather is right.","DOCTOR: That is very good news.","WOMAN: (screams) She's been murdered! Help me!","DOCTOR: That, on the other hand, isn't quite such good news. Come on, Amy, Vincent!","AMY and the DOCTOR head for the door. VINCENT downs the rest of his wine and follows.","EXT. AUVERS-SUR-OISE, ALLEY, NIGHT","The DOCTOR, AMY and VINCENT run the same was as the woman into an alley. The body of a young woman is lying on the cobbles. A group of locals has already gathered.","MAN: She's been ripped to shreds!","DOCTOR: Please, let me look. I'm a doctor.","WOMAN #2: Who is it?","DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, no.","The DOCTOR and VINCENT kneel beside the body.","MAN #2: Is she dead?","A woman pushes her way through. She is the young girl's MOTHER.","MOTHER: Away, all of you vultures! This is my daughter. (caresses her daughter) Giselle. What monster could have done this? (to DOCTOR) Get away from her!","The DOCTOR and VINCENT both stand and back away.","DOCTOR: OK, OK.","MOTHER: Get that madman out of here! (throws a stone)","The rest of the crowd also throw stones, blaming VINCENT. The DOCTOR, AMY, and VINCENT run away down the alley.","MOTHER: You bring this on us. Your madness! You! He's to blame!","They stop to catch their breath.","DOCTOR: (to VINCENT) Are you all right?","VINCENT: Yes, I'm used to it.","DOCTOR: Has anything like this murder happened here before?","VINCENT: Only a week ago. It's a terrible time.","DOCTOR: As I thought, as I thought. Come on, we'd better get you home.","VINCENT: Where are you staying tonight?","DOCTOR: (claps VINCENT on the shoulder) Oh, you're very kind. (walks off down the alley)","AMY giggles nervously and follows. Puzzled, VINCENT puts his hat on and walks after them.","EXT. VINCENT'S COTTAGE, NIGHT","VINCENT is leading the DOCTOR and AMY through a maze of buildings.","DOCTOR: Dark night, very starry.","VINCENT: It's not much. I live on my own. But you should be OK for one night. ONE night.","AMY: We're going to stay with him?","DOCTOR: Until he paints that church.","VINCENT lights a lamp and removes his hat.","VINCENT: Watch out. That one's wet.","AMY: What?","The DOCTOR walks in but AMY stops when she sees the painting \"Bedroom in Arles\".","INT. VINCENT'S COTTAGE, NIGHT","VINCENT lights another lamp. His cottage is filled with paintings in various stages of completion. Most prominently positioned is \"Portrait of Dr. Gachet\"","VINCENT: Sorry about all the clutter.","DOCTOR: Some clutter.","VINCENT: I've come to accept the only person who's going to love my paintings is me.","AMY: (enters) Wow. I mean, really. Wow.","The DOCTOR examines some of the paintings including \"Blossoming Almond Tree\", \"Prisoners Exercising (after Dore)\", and \"Wheat Field with Cypresses\".","VINCENT: Yeah, I know it's a mess. I'll have a proper clear-out. I must, I really must.","AMY looks around and sees \"La Berceuse\".","VINCENT: Coffee, anyone?","DOCTOR: Not for me, actually.","The DOCTOR pops his head around the door in time to see VINCENT put the coffee down on \"Still Life: Basket with Six Oranges\".","DOCTOR: You know, you should be careful with these. They're... precious.","VINCENT wipes off the coffee ring with his hand.","VINCENT: Precious to me. Not precious to anyone else.","The DOCTOR enters the main room.","AMY: They're precious to me!","AMY joins them.","VINCENT: Well, you're very kind. And kindness is most welcome.","DOCTOR: Right, so, this church, then. Near here, is it?","VINCENT: (gets wood for the fire) What is it with you and the church?","DOCTOR: Oh, just casually interested in it, you know.","VINCENT: Far from casual. Seems to me. you never talk about anything else. He's a strange one.","DOCTOR: OK, so let's talk about you. What are you interested in?","VINCENT: Look around. Art. It seems to me there's so much more to the world than the average eye is allowed to see.","AMY wanders over from looking at \"Starry Night\".","VINCENT: I believe, if you look hard, there are more wonders in this universe than you could ever have dreamed of.","DOCTOR: You don't have to tell me.","Later, the DOCTOR is sitting in a chair by the fire as VINCENT explains his views of art.","VINCENT: It's colour. Colour that holds the key. I can hear the colours. Listen to them. Every time I step outside, I feel nature is shouting at me. \"Come on. Come and get me. Come on. Come on! (grips the DOCTOR'S lapels) Capture my mystery!\"","DOCTOR: Maybe you've had enough coffee now. How about some nice calming tea? Let's get you a cup of chamomile or something, shall we? Amy? Where's Amy? (AMY screams) No, no. NO! (runs outside)","EXT. VINCENT'S COTTAGE, NIGHT","The DOCTOR and VINCENT race outside.","DOCTOR: Amy? Amy?","They find AMY on her knees in the yard.","DOCTOR: What happened?","AMY: I was having a look at the paintings out here when something hit me from behind.","DOCTOR: It's OK. He's gone now and we're here.","VINCENT looks around and raises his hands in fright.","VINCENT: No! (backs away, crying out)","DOCTOR: Take it easy. Take it easy!","AMY: What's happening? What's he doing?","VINCENT grabs a large wooden fork and holds it in front of him like a weapon.","DOCTOR: I don't know.","With a shout, VINCENT runs towards them.","DOCTOR: Oh, dear.","VINCENT runs past them.","VINCENT: Run. Run!","DOCTOR: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not a bad idea. Amy, get back. He's having some kind of fit. I'll try to calm him down.","As VINCENT apparently lashes out at something, AMY runs to the doorway and watches from safety.","DOCTOR: Easy, Vincent, easy. Look, look. It's me, it's me, it's me. (holds his hands out in front of him) It's the Doctor, look. No-one else is here. So, Vincent...","We see part of something appear behind the DOCTOR.","VINCENT: Look out!","The DOCTOR is thrown to the ground as a scaly tail lashes him. The creature roars and shreds one of the paintings.","AMY: (shrieks) I can't see anything. What is it?","Whatever it is, VINCENT can see it and tries to fight it off.","DOCTOR: (gets up) That is a good question. (grabs a stout stick and joins VINCENT) Let me help you.","VINCENT: You can see him, too?","The DOCTOR goes to a completely different area of the yard and waves the stick around.","DOCTOR: Yes. Ish. Well, no. Not really.","The creature roars and is thrown back over a table bearing irises in a vase. He lands at VINCENT'S feet.","VINCENT: You couldn't see him?","DOCTOR: No. Oi!","The DOCTOR gets up and begins batting the stick around with a roar. VINCENT seemingly hurts it and it retreats from the yard. In his section of the yard, the DOCTOR is still trying to fight it off. VINCENT and AMY watch for a bit.","VINCENT: He's gone.","DOCTOR: Oh, right. Yes, of course. (throws the stick down)","INT. VINCENT'S COTTAGE, NIGHT","DOCTOR: Right. So he's invisible? What did he look like?","VINCENT: I'll show you.","VINCENT takes one of his paintings of irises and paints over it with white.","DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, no!","AMY gasps and covers her mouth.","VINCENT: What?","DOCTOR: It's just... That was quite a good... (sighs) On you go.","VINCENT sketches quickly and roughly with charcoal as AMY and the DOCTOR watch intently. Finished, the creature looks almost birdlike with a beak and talons but also reptilian.","DOCTOR: OK. OK. (takes the sketch) Right. Amy, make Mr Van Gogh comfortable. Don't let any invisible monsters in through the front door.","AMY: But it could be outside, waiting.","DOCTOR: Don't worry, I'll risk it. What's the worst that can happen?","AMY: You could get torn into pieces by a monster you can't see.","Behind the DOCTOR, we see \"The Yellow House\".","DOCTOR: Oh, right, yes. That. Don't worry. I'll be back before you can say, \"Where's he got to now?\" (leaves)","AMY turns to face VINCENT. The DOCTOR comes back.","DOCTOR: Not that fast! (AMY jumps) But pretty fast. See you around. (leaves again)","EXT. VINCENT'S COTTAGE, NIGHT","We hear a soft growling and see the DOCTOR from a distance as he leaves the cottage. The DOCTOR creeps forward, looking.","EXT. AUVERS-SUR-OISE, ALLEY, NIGHT","The DOCTOR walks cautiously back to the TARDIS, glancing over his shoulder periodically. He unlocks the TARDIS and enters.","INT. TARDIS","The DOCTOR throws a few things out of his way as he drags out a large trunk.","DOCTOR: Right. You in here somewhere? I can't apologise enough. I thought you were just a useless gadget. I thought you were just an embarrassing present from a dull godmother with two heads and bad breath. Twice. (pulls out a device that seems to be a mirror attached to a harness) How wrong can a man be?","He hooks it up to the TARDIS for power then makes a face at the mirror. The TARDIS then prints up pictures of his first two incarnations and naming his species and planet of origin.","DOCTOR: Good. OK, you're working. Now, see what you make of this. (holds up the sketch) Who is that? (machine shows a parrot) No, I know it's not that. There are thousands of them and you can see them plain as day. (shows a polar bear) No. Definitely not. This is the problem with the impressionists - not accurate enough. This would never happen with Gainsborough or one of those proper painters. Sorry, Vincent. (picks up sketch) You'll just have to draw something better. (throws it over his head)","EXT. AUVERS-SUR-OISE, ALLEY, DAWN","The DOCTOR steps out wearing the device, the mirror aimed over his shoulder. The creature appears in the mirror. The DOCTOR adjusts the controls.","DOCTOR: That's better, old girl. Time-delay, but you always get it right in the end. Good. Let's find out who this is, then. (the device shows the results) Whoa, there you are, you poor thing. You brutal, murderous, abandoned thing. I hope we meet again soon so I can take you home. (the creature appears in the mirror over the DOCTOR'S shoulder and roars) Maybe not that soon.","The DOCTOR runs through the alley. He keeps checking the mirror to see how close the creature gets. He starts to knock over tables and other items to slow it down. The creatures gives up the chase and the DOCTOR rests against a wall. He looks again to see AMY. Startled, they both yelp.","DOCTOR: Never do that! You scared the living daylights out of me.","AMY: Sorry. I got bored. As much as you admire his command of colour and shape, it is hard to get fond of Vincent Van Gogh's snoring.","INT. VINCENT'S COTTAGE, BEDROOM, MORNING","VINCENT'S bedroom is his painting come to life. He is in bed, snoring.","DOCTOR: (enters) Wake, wakey. Rise and shine! Breakfast is served in the courtyard. (opens window) Whoa! What a morning. (claps) Come on. (VINCENT gets up) And Amy's got a little surprise for you.","EXT. VINCENT'S COTTAGE, MORNING","AMY is sitting at the table, sunflowers scattered around in different containers.","AMY: I thought I'd brighten things up to thank you for saving me last night.","VINCENT: Ah!","AMY: I thought you might like, you know, possibly to perhaps paint them or something? Might be a thought.","The DOCTOR joins AMY at the table.","VINCENT: Yes. They're not my favourite flower.","AMY: YOU don't like sunflowers?","VINCENT: No, it's not that I don't like them. I find them complex. Always somewhere between living and dying. (holds one of the flowers by his window) Half-human as they turn to the sun. A little disgusting. But, you know, they are a challenge.","DOCTOR: And one I'm pretty sure you will rise to. But, moving on, there's something I need to show you.","INT. VINCENT'S COTTAGE, MORNING","The DOCTOR shows VINCENT the printout of the creature.","VINCENT: (sitting) That's him. And the eyes. Without mercy.","DOCTOR: This is a creature called the Krafayis. They travel in space, they travel as a pack. Scavenging across the universe. Sometimes one of them gets left behind and because they are a brutal race, the others never come back. So, dotted all around the universe are individual, utterly merciless, utterly abandoned Krafayis. And what they do is... Well, kill, until they're killed. Which they usually aren't. Because other creatures can't see them.","VINCENT: But I can.","DOCTOR: Yes. And that's why we are in a unique position today, my friend, to end this reign of terror. So, feeling like painting the church today?","VINCENT: What about the monster?","DOCTOR: Take my word for it. If you paint it, he will come.","VINCENT: (stands) OK. I'll get my things.","DOCTOR: In your own time. I promise you, we'll be out of your hair by this time tomorrow.","VINCENT hesitates in the doorway with a look at AMY before going into the other room.","DOCTOR: This is risky.","AMY: Riskier than normal?","DOCTOR: (stands and checks to see if VINCENT can hear) Well, think about it. This is the middle of Vincent Van Gogh's greatest year of painting. If we're not careful, the result of our trip could be the brutal murder of the greatest artist who ever lived. Half the pictures on the wall of the Musee D'Orsay will disappear. (sits next to AMY) And it will be our fault.","EXT. VINCENT'S COTTAGE, MORNING","The DOCTOR knocks on the door to VINCENT'S bedroom.","DOCTOR: Vincent? Vincent!","[SCENE_BREAK]","The DOCTOR checks his watch before opening the door.","INT. VINCENT'S COTTAGE, BEDROOM, MORNING","VINCENT is lying face down on his bed, crying. On the wall between the door and the window is one of his many self-portraits.","DOCTOR: Vincent, can I help?","VINCENT: It's so clear you cannot help. And when you leave, and everyone always leaves, I will be left once more with an empty heart and no hope. (rolls over to look at the DOCTOR)","DOCTOR: My experience is that there is, you know, surprisingly, always hope.","VINCENT: Then your experience is incomplete. I know how it will end, and it will not end well.","DOCTOR: Come on. (slaps VINCENT'S back cheerily) Come out, let's go outside.","VINCENT: Out! You get out. What are you doing here? What are you doing here?","DOCTOR: (backs away towards the door) Very well. I'll leave. I'll leave you.","VINCENT curls into a fetal position and sobs.","EXT. VINCENT'S COTTAGE, MORNING","AMY comes up the stairs and sees the DOCTOR leaning against the railing, somber, without VINCENT.","AMY: What's happening?","DOCTOR: We're leaving. Everyone knows he's a delicate man. Just months from now he'll...he'll take his own life. (pushes away from the rail)","AMY: Don't say that. Please.","Without a word, the DOCTOR goes down the stairs.","INT. VINCENT'S COTTAGE, MORNING","The DOCTOR takes a last look at the paintings.","DOCTOR: Come on. We have to do this on our own. Go to the church at the right time and hope the monster still turns up.","VINCENT appears in the doorway, coat and hat on.","VINCENT: I'm ready. Let's go. (picks up brush)","EXT. ROAD OUTSIDE AUVERS, DAY","AMY is walking alongside VINCENT, her arm tucked in his. VINCENT is carrying his easel and palette. In her other hand, AMY carries the paint case and canvas. The DOCTOR is walking behind them.","AMY: I'm sorry you're so sad.","VINCENT: But I'm not. Sometimes these moods torture me for weeks, for months. But I'm good now. If Amy Pond can soldier on, then so can Vincent Van Gogh.","AMY: I'm not soldiering on. I'm fine.","VINCENT: Oh, Amy, I hear the song of your sadness. You've lost someone I think.","AMY: I'm not sad.","VINCENT: They why are you crying?","AMY puts a hand to her cheek and wipes away a tear. She is surprised by it as she never knew she was crying.","VINCENT: It's all right. I understand.","AMY: I'm not sure I do.","The DOCTOR is following and knows that the tears are for RORY even though he has been wiped from existence. Somewhere inside, she still remembers him.","DOCTOR: OK. OK! So, now, we must have a plan. When the creature returns...","VINCENT stops and turns to face the DOCTOR.","VINCENT: Then we shall fight him again.","DOCTOR: Well, yes, tick. But last night we were lucky. Amy could have been killed. So this time, for a start, we have to make sure I can see him, too.","AMY: And how are we meant to do that, suddenly?","DOCTOR: The answer's in this box. (the DOCTOR taps the case he's carrying) I had an excellent, if smelly, godmother.","They stop as they see a funeral procession walking towards them. There are sunflowers resting on the coffin.","VINCENT: Oh, no. It's that poor girl from he village.","They stand respectfully at the side of the road as the procession passes. The MOTHER looks at them but says nothing.","AMY: You do have a plan, don't you?","DOCTOR: No. (starts walking again) It's a thing - it's like a plan, but with more greatness.","EXT. CHURCH, DAY","VINCENT sets up his easel and sits down to paint.","DOCTOR: (bends over, hands on VINCENT'S shoulders) And you'll be sure to tell me if you see any, you know, monsters.","VINCENT: Yes. While I may be mad, I'm not stupid.","DOCTOR: No, quite. And, to be honest...(squats beside VINCENT) not sure about mad either. It seems to me depression is a very complex...","VINCENT: Shh. I'm working.","DOCTOR: Well, yes. Paint. Do painting!","LATER: Vincent has outlined the top of the church and is painting the sky.","DOCTOR: I remember watching Michelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel. Wow! What a whinger. I said to him, \"If you're scared of heights, you shouldn't have taken the job. \"","AMY: Shh!","LATER: There is more detail on the church and VINCENT is still working on the sky.","DOCTOR: And Picasso. What a ghastly old goat. I kept telling him, \"Concentrate, Pablo, it's one eye, either side of the face.\"","AMY: Quiet.","EXT. CHURCH, NIGHT","AMY stands by VINCENT as he keeps painting. The DOCTOR is squatting, bored.","DOCTOR: Is this how time normally passes? Really slowly. In the right order. (gets up) If there's one thing I can't stand, it's an unpunctual alien attack. (walks behind VINCENT, facing away)","AMY: (joins him) Are you OK? You seem a bit, if I didn't know better, I'd say nervous.","DOCTOR: There's something not right and I can't quite put my finger on it.","VINCENT: There. (the DOCTOR and AMY turn) He's at the window.","DOCTOR: Where?","VINCENT: There, on the right.","DOCTOR: As I thought. Come on. I'm going in.","VINCENT: Well, I'm coming, too.","DOCTOR: No. (holds a hand up to stop him) You're Vincent Van Gogh. No.","VINCENT: But you're not armed.","DOCTOR: I am.","VINCENT: What with?","DOCTOR: Overconfidence, this (taps case) and a small screwdriver. I'm absolutely sorted. Just have to find the right crosactic setting, and stun him with it. Sonic never fails. Anyway, Amy, only one thought, one simple instruction - don't follow me under any circumstances. (signals VINCENT to keep an eye on her)","AMY: I won't.","The DOCTOR gives a thumbs-up and heads towards the church.","VINCENT: Will you follow him?","AMY: Of course.","VINCENT: (looks at AMY) I love you.","The DOCTOR stops, sets down the case and takes out the same device he used earlier. He straps it on and sets the controls. With a smile, he enters the church.","INT. CHURCH, NIGHT","The DOCTOR enters slowly and cautiously. We hear a low growling. The DOCTOR keeps checking the mirror and pulls out the sonic screwdriver.","EXT. CHURCH, NIGHT","AMY paces as VINCENT watches the window.","AMY: Has he moved?","VINCENT: No, just shifted to the next window. But, wait! He's turning now.","INT. CHURCH, NIGHT","The DOCTOR approaches the window and keeps checking the mirror. He doesn't see the Krafayis where it's supposed to be.","DOCTOR: Damn. He's moved.","He puts the mirror down and looks up. We see in the mirror the Krafayis's arm as he swipes the DOCTOR. The DOCTOR goes flying.","EXT. CHURCH, NIGHT","AMY and VINCENT hear the DOCTOR'S cry.","AMY: Doctor! (heads for the church)","VINCENT: Amy! (rushes after her)","INT. CHURCH, NIGHT","The DOCTOR uses the screwdriver as he retreats.","AMY: Doctor!","DOCTOR: (screams) Argh! I thought I told you... Never mind. We'll talk about it later. Quick, in here. (hide in confessional)","We hear the Krafayis moving about outside.","DOCTOR: (whispers) Absolutely quiet. (slides the door over the grill between them) Can you breath a little quieter, please?","AMY: (whispers) No! (lifts the curtain) He's gone past.","DOCTOR: Shh.","The Krafayis growls, blowing in the grating on AMY'S the side of the confessional. She screams.","DOCTOR: I think he heard us.","The Krafayis then takes out part of the grating on the DOCTOR'S side.","DOCTOR: That is impressive hearing he's got.","Another section of the confessional is ripped out","DOCTOR: What's less impressive are our chances of survival.","AMY screams.","VINCENT: (V.O.) Hey, are you looking for me, sonny?","AMY peers out and sees VINCENT brandishing his chair like a lion tamer.","VINCENT: Come on. Over here. Because I'm right here waiting for you.","We see the Krafayis from VINCENT'S POV as he fights it off.","VINCENT: (motions to AMY and the DOCTOR) Come on. Quickly! Get behind me.","DOCTOR: (uses sonic) Doing anything?","They back out.","EXT. CHURCH, NIGHT","VINCENT still holds the chair in front of him defensively. The DOCTOR looks around wildly.","DOCTOR: Where is he?","VINCENT: Where do you think he is, you idiot? Use your head.","The Krafayis walks towards them. The DOCTOR stands by VINCENT and uses the sonic again.","DOCTOR: Anything?","AMY: Nothing. In fact, he seemed to rather enjoy it.","They move apart.","VINCENT: (to DOCTOR) Duck. (the DOCTOR ducks) Left.","The DOCTOR moves to his left and the Krafayis swats him away and he is slammed into a wall.","VINCENT: Right, sorry.","The DOCTOR sits up with a groan, holding his side. AMY rushes over. VINCENT comes over with the chair to help defend them.","VINCENT: Your right, my left.","DOCTOR: This is no good at all. Run like crazy and regroup. (scrambles up)","AMY: Oh, come on, in here.","They run into another church building.","INT. CHURCH, NIGHT","Together, they begin to push the door closed. VINCENT sees the leg of the Krafayis is keeping it open. He stamps his foot down on it and the creature yanks it back. They close the door and stand with their backs against it.","DOCTOR: Right. OK. Here's the plan. Amy, Rory.","AMY: Who?","DOCTOR: Sorry, um, Vincent.","AMY: What is the plan?","DOCTOR: I don't know, actually. But in future, I'm just using this screwdriver for screwing in screws. (puts away sonic)","VINCENT: Give me a second. I'll be back. (runs off)","DOCTOR: I suppose we could try talking to him.","AMY: Talking to him?!","DOCTOR: Well, yes. Might be interesting to know his side of the story. (Krafayis growls) Yes, though maybe he's not really in the mood for conversation right at this precise moment. (Krafayis growls and bangs on the door) Well, no harm trying. Listen. Listen! (growling stops) I know you can understand me. (faces door) Even though I know you won't understand why you can understand me. I also know that no-one's talked to you for a pretty long stretch, but please... listen. I also don't belong on this planet. I also am alone. If you trust me, I'm sure we can come to some kind of, you know, understanding. And then, and then, who knows?","The window directly opposite them shatters as the Krafayis finds a way inside. It roars and displaces things as it moves about. VINCENT returns with his easel.","VINCENT: Over here, mate!","The DOCTOR and AMY move behind him.","DOCTOR: What's it up to now?","VINCENT: It's moving round the room. Feeling its way around.","AMY and VINCENT move behind a sarcophagus.","DOCTOR: (behind a column) What?","VINCENT: It's like it's trapped. It's moving round the edges of the room.","We see the Krafayis from VINCENT'S POV as it walks along the wall.","AMY: I can't see a thing.","DOCTOR: I am really stupid.","AMY: Oh, get a grip! This is not a moment to re-evaluate your self-esteem.","DOCTOR: No, I am really stupid and I'm growing old. Why does it attack, but never eat its victims? (moves to sarcophagus) And why was it abandoned by its pack and left here to die? Why is it feeling its way helplessly around the walls of the room? It can't see, it's blind. That explains why it has such perfect hearing!","VINCENT: Which unfortunately also explains why it is now turning around and heading straight for us.","VINCENT steps forward, the sharp ends of the easel held out as a weapon.","DOCTOR: Vincent. Vincent, what's happening?","VINCENT: It's charging now. (motions with hand) Get back. Get back!","VINCENT moves forward and impales the beast on the easel. The Krafayis bellows in pain and anger. Still holding the easel, VINCENT is suspended above the floor. He lets go and falls to the floor. The Krafayis collapses. To the DOCTOR and AMY, the easel is suspended but VINCENT can see where it penetrated the creature's chest.","VINCENT: He wasn't without mercy at all. He was without sight. I didn't mean that to happen. I only meant to wound it, I never meant to...","DOCTOR: (kneels beside body) He's trying to say something.","VINCENT: What is it?","DOCTOR: I'm having trouble making it out, but I think he's saying, \"I'm afraid. I'm afraid.\" (reaches out to stroke the body) There, there. It's OK. You'll be fine. Ssh. (Krafayis dies)","VINCENT: He was frightened...and he lashed out. Like humans, who lash out when they're frightened. Like the villagers who scream at me. Like the children who throw stones at me.","DOCTOR: Sometimes winning - winning is no fun at all. (leaves)","EXT. FIELD, NIGHT","The DOCTOR, AMY, and VINCENT lie down in the field, heads together. VINCENT reaches first for AMY'S hand and then the DOCTOR's.","VINCENT: Hold my hand, Doctor. Try to see what I see. We are so lucky we are still alive to see this beautiful world.","The DOCTOR and AMY reach for each other's hands.","VINCENT: Look at the sky. It's not dark and black and without character. The black is in fact deep blue. (points with his hand entwined with the DOCTOR'S) And over there, lighter blue. (lets go of AMY'S hand and makes a sweeping motion) And blowing through the blueness and the blackness, the wind swirling through the air and then, shining, burning, bursting through - the stars! (the vision turns to VINCENT'S perception and becomes \"Starry Night\") Can you see how they roar their light? Everywhere we look, the complex magic of nature blazes before our eyes.","DOCTOR: I've seen many things, my friend. But you're right. Nothing quite as wonderful as the things you see.","VINCENT grips the DOCTOR'S hand tighter and pulls it to his chest. He looks at AMY'S closer, savoring the feel of her fingers.","VINCENT: I will miss you terribly.","EXT. AUVERS-SUR-OISE, MORNING","VINCENT: (V.O.) I only wish I had something of real value to give you.","INT. VINCENT'S COTTAGE, MORNING","The DOCTOR giggles as he holds one of VINCENT'S paintings. It is \"Self Portrait with Straw Hat\".","DOCTOR: Oh, no, no. I could never accept such an extraordinary gift.","VINCENT: (hurt) Very well. You are not the first to decline the offer. (holds out arms) Amy, the blessed, the wonderful.","They hug and she kisses him.","AMY: Be good to yourself and be kind to yourself.","VINCENT: I'll try my best.","AMY: And maybe give the beard a little trim before you next kiss someone. (rubs her cheek and laughs)","VINCENT: I will. I will. And if you tire of this Doctor of yours, return, And we will have children by the dozen.","AMY: Eek!","VINCENT: Doctor, my friend. (takes his hand) We have fought monsters together and we have won. On my own, I fear I may not do as well.","The DOCTOR hugs him tightly, sad because he knows what's coming.","EXT. VINCENT'S COTTAGE, MORNING","The DOCTOR and AMY walk away.","DOCTOR: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?","AMY: I was thinking I may need some food before we leave.","DOCTOR: Well, no, you're not thinking exactly what I'm thinking. (faces house) Vincent!","Shirtless, brush in hand, VINCENT sticks his head out the window.","DOCTOR: Got something I'd like to show you. Maybe just tidy yourself up a bit first.","EXT. AUVERS-SUR-OISE, ALLEY, DAY","The DOCTOR, VINCENT and AMY walk through the village towards the TARDIS.","DOCTOR: Now, you know we've had quite a few chats about the possibility there might be more to life than normal people imagine?","The DOCTOR stops with a sigh as he sees the TARDIS covered in bills.","VINCENT: Yes.","DOCTOR: Well, brace yourself, Vinny.","The DOCTOR uses the key to slice the crack between the doors before opening it. He and AMY stand in the doorway as VINCENT gets his first view of the TARDIS interior. He sticks his head out and then examines the exterior. VINCENT steps inside again.","VINCENT: How come I'm the crazy one and you two have stayed sane?","INT. TARDIS","The DOCTOR takes off VINCENT'S hat and tosses it to the side. They walk to the console.","VINCENT: What do these things all do?","DOCTOR: Oh, a huge variety of things. This one here, (turns knob) for instance, plays soothing music. (dances) While this one makes a huge amount of noise. (distorted sound) And this one makes everything go tonto. (everything shakes)","VINCENT: And this one? (points)","DOCTOR: That's a friction contrafibulator!","VINCENT: And this?","DOCTOR: That's ketchup. And that one's mustard.","VINCENT: Mmm. Nice! (grips the DOCTOR'S shoulders) Come on. Back to the cafe and you can tell me about all the wonders of the universe.","DOCTOR: Good idea. Although, actually, there's a little something I'd like to show you first. (sets the TARDIS in motion)","EXT. PARIS, DAY","The last of the posted bills are burning off the TARDIS as the door opens and the DOCTOR, AMY and VINCENT step out.","VINCENT: Where are we?","DOCTOR: Paris. 2010 AD. And this is the mighty Musee D'Orsay, home to many of the greatest paintings in history.","VINCENT: Oh, that's wonderful.","Two boys walk by with portable electronics and VINCENT stares.","DOCTOR: Ignore that. I've got something more important to show you.","(\"Chances\" by ATHLETE plays)","INT. MUSEE D'ORSAY","They enter the museum and VINCENT is overwhelmed by the grandness of it. AMY leads the way past some Monets and Rodin's \"The Kiss\". The DOCTOR has to drag him from the \"Water Lilies\". They then enter the Van Gogh exhibit. VINCENT sees his paintings in a Paris museum when they had only hung in his home. The DOCTOR holds out his arms. The DOCTOR then sees Dr BLACK.","DOCTOR: Dr Black, we met a few days ago. I asked you about the church at Auvers.","AMY brings VINCENT closer.","BLACK: Oh, yes. Glad to be of help. You were nice about my tie.","DOCTOR: Yes. And today is another cracker if I may say so. But I just wondered, between you and me, in 100 words, where do you think Van Gogh rates in the history of art?","BLACK: Well, big question. But, to me, Van Gogh is the finest painter of them all.","VINCENT'S eyes are red as he begins to tear up.","BLACK: Certainly, the most popular, great painter of all time, the most beloved. His command of colour, the most magnificent. He transformed the pain of his tormented life into ecstatic beauty. Pain is easy to portray, but to use your passion and pain to portray the ecstasy and joy and magnificence of our world - no-one had ever done it before. Perhaps no-one ever will again. To my mind, that strange, wild man who roamed the fields of Provence was not only the world's greatest artist, but also one of the greatest men who ever lived.","VINCENT begins to cry outwardly. The DOCTOR notices and goes to him.","DOCTOR: Vincent. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Is it too much? (gives a comforting hug)","VINCENT: No. They are tears of joy. (goes to BLACK and gives him a Gallic kiss) Thank you, sir. Thank you. (hugs him)","BLACK: You're welcome. You're welcome.","VINCENT: Sorry about the beard. (goes back to the DOCTOR and AMY)","BLACK slowly walks away and quickly turns, wondering if the man he saw was truly Van Gogh. The man is gone and BLACK shakes his head.","EXT. OLIVE GROVE, DAY","The TARDIS materializes and VINCENT steps out first.","VINCENT: This changes everything. I'll step out tomorrow with my easel on my back a different man. I still can't believe that one of the haystacks was in the museum. How embarrassing.","DOCTOR: It's been a great adventure and a great honour. (shakes VINCENT'S hand and then hugs him)","VINCENT: You've turned out to be the first doctor ever actually to make a difference to my life.","DOCTOR: I'm delighted. I won't ever forget you. (heads to TARDIS)","VINCENT: And you are sure marriage is out of the question?","AMY: This time. (hugs him and whispers in his ear) I'm not really the marrying kind. (kisses him and heads back to the TARDIS) (to DOCTOR) Come on. Let's go back to the gallery right now.","VINCENT takes his pipe from his pocket and watches the TARDIS dematerialize. With a smile and a shake of his head, he walks away.","EXT. PARIS, DAY","AMY exits the TARDIS with a big smile. The DOCTOR'S is more indulgent. AMY skips ahead.","AMY: Time can be re-written. I know it can. Come on!","INT. MUSEE D'ORSAY, DAY","AMY climbs the stairs to the exhibit.","AMY: Oh, the long life of Vincent Van Gogh. There'll be hundreds of new paintings.","DOCTOR: I'm not sure there will.","They walk past the Monet exhibit, the DOCTOR walking more slowly, following in the wake of AMY'S exuberance.","AMY: Come on!","AMY rushes into the exhibit and looks around at the same paintings.","BLACK: (V.O.) We have here the last work of Vincent Van Gogh, who committed suicide at only 37.","AMY closes her eyes in grief, her hope shattered.","BLACK: (V.O.) He is now acknowledged to be one of the foremost artists of all time. If you follow me now...","AMY: So, you were right. No new paintings. We didn't make a difference at all.","DOCTOR: (walks to her) I wouldn't say that. The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. Hey. (hugs her) The good things don't always soften the bad things. But, vice versa - the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. (releases the hug but holds her head) And we definitely added to his pile of good things. And if you look carefully...(takes her to \"Church at Auvers\") .. maybe we did indeed make a couple of little changes.","AMY: No Krafayis.","DOCTOR: No Krafayis.","While the DOCTOR studies the church, AMY walks to the center of the exhibit. Something catches her eye and she moves with a purpose across the room. The DOCTOR sees and follows at a distance. In its own alcove rests \"Still Life: Vase With Twelve Sunflowers\". On the vase right above his signature it says \"For Amy\". The DOCTOR comes up beside her and whistles.","AMY: If we had got married, our kids would have had very, very red hair.","DOCTOR: The ultimate ginger.","AMY: The ultimate ginge.","The DOCTOR laughs and AMY smiles.","AMY: Brighter than sunflowers.","As they stand together looking at the painting, the DOCTOR rubs her back and giver her a quick one-armed hug."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who","Episode Number":"05x10","Episode Title":"Vincent and The Doctor","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_06x07.json","Recap":["The Doctor assembles an army and he and Rory infiltrate the asteroid base Demon's Run, where Amy is held captive and her newborn child, Melody Pond, has been taken by the Eye Patch Lady, Madame Kovarian. River Song refuses to join the Doctor, explaining that she cannot be there until the end, when he discovers her identity. The Doctor and Rory secure the base, free Amy, and take back Melody. The Doctor's allies discover that Melody contains both human and Time Lord DNA, a result of her being conceived on the TARDIS on Amy and Rory's wedding night. As Rory and the rest of the Doctor's allies battle the Headless Monks , the Doctor learns that he has been tricked: Melody has been replaced by a Ganger duplicate, and he is too late. River Song arrives communicates her identity to the Doctor and he races off in the TARDIS, promising Amy and Rory that he will get their daughter back. River then informs the couple that she is in fact their daughter; \"River Song\" is a translation of \"Melody Pond\" in the language of the Gamma Forest."],"Transcript":["RECAP INCLUDING SCENES OF THE LITTLE GIRL AND EYE-PATCH LADY, CULMINATING IN THE FINAL SCENES OF \"THE ALMOST PEOPLE\"","SPACE","An asteroid has been converted to a base known as Demon's Run.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, NURSERY","A small baby is cooing as it lies in a small crib. As the camera pans to the side, we see the name: Melody Pond. We see a woman's hands caressing the baby as she speaks.","AMY: I wish I could tell you that you'll be loved. That you'll be safe and cared for and protected. But this isn't a time for lies. (picks up MELODY) What you are going to be, Melody...","We see the EYE-PATCH LADY and a number of armed soldiers standing behind AMY.","AMY: ...is very, very brave.","EYE-PATCH LADY: Two minutes.","AMY: But not as brave as they'll have to be. Because there's someone coming. I don't know where he is, or what he's doing, but trust me. He's on his way.","SPACE","20,000 LIGHT YEARS AWAY","INT. CYBER-SHIP, CORRIDORS","As Cybermen march along a corridor, we see a figure walk past in the shadows, a cloak billowing behind him. We then see the sonic screwdriver used on a door lock. The door slides closed keeping out other Cybermen.","INT. CYBER-SHIP, CONTROL","The CYBERLEADER and two other Cybermen are monitoring the ship.","CYBERMAN: Intruder. Level nine. Seal level nine.","The ship rocks as small explosions go off.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, NURSERY","AMY: There's a man who's never going to let us down.","AMY looks out a window and sees a large army gathering outside.","AMY: And not even an army can get in the way.","The EYE-PATCH LADY walks towards AMY, arms out. Two soldiers walk close behind.","AMY: Leave her, just you leave her. Please leave her! Leave her!","A YOUNG FEMALE SOLDIER watches as AMY sobs as her daughter is taken away. By the door, two hooded monks step closer to the rail.","INT. CYBER-SHIP, CONTROL","The ship is rocked by explosions.","CYBERMAN: Intruder, level 11.","CYBERLEADER: Seal levels 12, 13 and 14.","CYBERMAN: Intruder, level 15.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, NURSERY","MELODY is in her bassinett. AMY leans over her.","AMY: He's the last of his kind. He looks young, but he's lived for hundreds and hundreds of years. And wherever they take you, Melody, however scared you are, I promise you, you will never be alone. (leans over and kisses MELODY on the forehead) Because this man is your father.","INT. CYBER-SHIP, CONTROL","The CYBERLEADER takes position, flanked by other CYBERMEN.","CYBERLEADER: Prepare to engage.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, NURSERY","AMY: He has a name, but the people of our world know him better...","INT. CYBER-SHIP, CONTROL","The doors slide open and RORY strides in wearing his Roman garb. The CYBERMEN aim their weapons at him.","AMY: (V.O.) ..as the Last Centurion.","RORY: I have a message and a question. A message from the Doctor and a question from me. Where is my wife? Oh, don't give me those blank looks. The 12th Cyber Legion monitors this entire quadrant. (walks to window where the rest of the fleet can be seen) You hear everything. So you tell me what I need to know, you tell me now, and I'll be on my way.","CYBERLEADER: What is the Doctor's message?","The ships outside the window explode. RORY remains impassive.","RORY: Would you like me to repeat the question?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Matt Smith Karen Gillan Arthur Darvil","\"A Good Man Goes to War\" by Steven Moffat","Producer Marcus Wilson","Director Peter Hoar","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","We see a ship come in for a landing and then pan down to all the mechanics and engineers. Two are walking toward the lift. One is short and fat, the other tall and skinny.","FAT MAN: A whole Cyber legion though. He just blew them all up. To make a point!","THIN MAN: We're being paid to fight him, not praise him. Praising costs way more!","They step into the lift, passing two monks.","FAT MAN: Level Minus 23. Transept.","The door slides closed.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, LEVEL MINUS 23","They step out of the lift.","FAT MAN: Digger says he once chased the Atraxi off a planet, then called them back for a scolding.","THIN MAN: Fight him. Not praise him.","They pass the YOUNG FEMALE SOLDIER who had been in the nursery. She is sewing something, a knowing smile on her face.","ANNOUNCEMENT: Reminder. This base is on Yellow Alert. This base is on Yellow Alert.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, COMMUNICATION","Two soldiers are watching the monitors and see the YOUNG FEMALE SOLDIER.","SOLDIER 1: Is she sewing?","SOLDIER 2: She's on a break she can do what she likes.","SOLDIER 2 faces SOLDIER 1, holding up two pieces of paper in his hands. One is blank.","SOLDIER 2: Now try again.","SOLDIER 1: (points at the blank) That one.","SOLDIER 2: No, that's the psychic. You've got to look for the fractals.","SOLDIER 1 rolls his eyes.","SOLDIER 2: Don't look bored, we're on Yellow Alert.","SOLDIER 1: We've been on Yellow Alert for three weeks!","INT. DEMON'S RUN, LEVEL MINUS 23","Two of the monks walk along, hands clasped in front of them.","ANNOUNCEMENT: Reminder: do not interact with headless monks without designed permission. Do not interact with headless monks without designed permission.","The FAT MAN and THIN MAN pass by the monks as they take readings off a machine. The THIN MAN watches them.","FAT MAN: You're not supposed to stare at them. And if they think you're tying to see under their hoods, they'll kill you on the spot.","THIN MAN: But why are they called the Headless Monks? They can't really be headless?","YOUNG FEMALE SOLDIER: They believe the domain of faith is the heart, and the domain of doubt is the head. They follow their hearts...that's all.","THIN MAN: You're Lorna Bucket, aren't you?","LORNA: Yeah. Hello!","THIN MAN: I'm the thin one, this is my husband he's the fat one.","LORNA: Don't you have names?","FAT MAN: We're the thin, fat, gay, married, Anglican marines. Why would we need names as well? (sees monks standing behind LORNA) Oh! Looks like I'm off! Time for my conversion tutorial. See you in a bit. (leaves with monks) Do you lot have Lent?! Cos I'm not good at giving things up...","LORNA shakes her head. The THIN MAN looks at her.","THIN MAN: Lorna Bucket. You've had an Encounter, haven't you? You've met him.","LORNA: I was just a kid. (continues working)","THIN MAN: But what's he like? The Doctor.","LORNA: He said \"run\".","THIN MAN: Just \"run\"?","LORNA: He said it a lot.","THIN MAN: And this was in the Gamma Forests, yeah? Because you're a Gamma girl, aren't you? What are you doing here? The forests are heaven-neutral.","LORNA: Yeah, and 30 seconds of The Doctor is the only thing that ever happened there.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, MONKS' CHAPEL","FAT MAN precedes the monks into the room which is cast in an eerie red glow.","FAT MAN: Oh, this is nice, I like this. I mean, quite a lot of red. I hope it's not to hide the stains!","One of the monks goes to a shelf containing medium boxes.","FAT MAN: What's in the little boxes?","As the monk walks forward with the box, a recording plays.","RECORDING: Welcome, applicant to the order of the Headless. It is traditional for visiting armies of other faiths to offer individuals for conversion to our order. You have been selected.","The monk passes the box to another who opens it and then holds the empty box in front of the FAT MAN.","RECORDING: Are you ready to make a donation?","INT. DEMON'S RUN, LEVEL MINUS 23","THIN MAN slides a panel closed. It sounds like a guillotine.","THIN MAN: So, what do you think? If the Doctor's really coming here, where is he?","LORNA: He's the Doctor. He could be anywhere in time and space.","She loosens a hose and steam escapes.","EXT. LONDON ALLEY, NIGHT, 1888","A hansom pulls to a halt and the passenger exits.","WOMAN: Thank you, Parker. I won't be needing you again tonight.","PARKER: Yes, my lady.","INT. HOUSE, FRONT HALL, NIGHT, 1888","The hooded WOMAN enters her home and a maid greets her.","MAID: You're back early, ma'am. Another case cracked, I assume?","The WOMAN places a sword reverently on a rack with others.","WOMAN: Send a telegram to Inspector Abberline of the Yard. Jack the Ripper has claimed his last victim.","MAID: How did you find him?","The WOMAN lowers her hood to reveal she is SILURIAN.","SILURIAN: Stringy, but tasty all the same. I shan't be needing dinner.","MAID: Congratulations, ma'am.(hesitates) However, a matter has arisen in the drawing room.","INT. HOUSE, DRAWING ROOM, NIGHT, 1888","The SILURIAN enters, followed by the maid.","MAID: It just appeared. What does it mean?","The SILURIAN walks forward, taking off her coat.","SILURIAN: It means a very old debt is to be repaid.","The TARDIS is in the room.","SILURIAN: Pack the cases, Jenny. And we're going to need the swords.","EXT. THE BATTLE OF ZARUTHSTRA, 4037","An OFFICER is dodging laser fire and explosions as he runs toward the field hospital.","OFFICER: Nurse?! Nurse!","INT. FIELD HOSPITAL, THE BATTLE OF ZARUTHSTRA, 4037","The OFFICER runs inside.","OFFICER: Damn it! Where's the nurse?!","WOMAN: He needs help!","OFFICER: Madame President, I'm sorry, but we have to go now! Those things could be here any second!","On one of the beds we see a YOUNG BOY, most likely MADAME PRESEIDENT'S son. A SONTARAN enters the hospital and removes his helmet.","SONTARAN: Did somebody call for a nurse?","The SONTARAN scans the YOUNG BOY.","YOUNG BOY: Will I be OK?","SONTARAN: Of course you will, my boy. You'll be up and around in no time! And perhaps one day you and I shall meet on the field of battle, and I will destroy you for the glory of the Sontaran Empire.","YOUNG BOY: Thanks, Nurse.","EXT. THE BATTLE OF ZARUTHSTRA, 4037","The SONTARAN leaves the hospital followed by the OFFICER.","OFFICER: Commander Strax. I just have to ask. A Sontaran nurse?","STRAX: I serve a penance to restore the honour of my clone batch. It is the greatest punishment a Sontaran can endure, to help the weak and sick.","OFFICER: Who came up with that one?","We hear the TARDIS materialize.","STRAX: Tonight, though, perhaps my penance is over. Turns to OFFICER) Captain Harcourt, I hope some day to meet you in the glory of battle, when I shall crush the life from your worthless human form.","The two nod their heads in acknowledgment.","INT. STORMCAGE, CORRIDOR","RIVER sways as she walks up to the phone amidst the blaring alarms. She is wearing a late (?) Victorian gown.","RIVER: (into phone) Oh, turn it off. I'm breaking in, not out. This is River Song, back in her cell... Oh, and I'll take breakfast at the usual time. Thank you!","RIVER hangs up the phone and glides along the floor. She stops when she sees a silhouette dressed as a Roman.","RIVER: Oh, are you boys dressing up as Romans now? I thought nobody read my memos.","RORY moves forward out of the shadows.","RORY: Dr Song? It's Rory. Sorry, have we met yet? Time streams, I'm not quite sure where we are...","RIVER: Yes. Yes, we've met. (somewhat sadly) Hello, Rory.","RORY: What's wrong?","RIVER: (laughs nervously) It's my birthday. The Doctor took me ice skating on the River Thames in 1814, the last of the great frost fairs. He got Stevie Wonder to sing for me under London Bridge.","RORY: Stevie Wonder sang in 1814?","RIVER: Yes, he did. But you must never tell him.","RORY: I've come from the Doctor too.","RIVER: Yes, but at a different point in time.","RORY: Unless there's two of them.","RIVER: Now, that's a whole different birthday. (heads for her cell and pulls diary from her muff and reads)","RORY: He needs you!","RIVER: Demons Run. (closes book)","RORY: How...how did you know?","RIVER: I'm from his future. I always know. Why on earth are you wearing that?","RORY: The Doctor's idea.","RIVER: Of course. His rules of engagement. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.","RORY: Look ridiculous.","RIVER: Have you considered heels? (turns away from RORY)","RORY: They've taken Amy. And our baby. RIVER looks sad, almost on the verge of tears.","RORY: (walks towards RIVER) The Doctor's getting some people together, we're going after her, but he needs you too.","RIVER: I can't. (faces RORY) Not yet, anyway.","RORY: I'm sorry?","RIVER: This is The Battle of Demons Run. The Doctor's darkest hour. He'll rise higher than ever before and then fall so much further. And...I can't be with him till the very end.","RORY: Why not?","RIVER: Because this is it. (enters her cell) This is the day he finds out who I am.","INT. THE MALDOVARIUM, 5145, NIGHT","DORIUM is hurrying with a suitcase. He pauses and looks around.","DORIUM: Goodbye.","DORIUM then opens his case and rearranges the contents. Figures appear behind him.","EYE-PATCH LADY: You appear to be closing down, Dorium.","Later they are sitting at a table.","EYE-PATCH LADY: What have you heard?","DORIUM: That you pricked the side of a mighty beast, Madam Kovarian, and entirely failed to run. (guns are pointed at his head) I admire your courage. I should like to admire it from afar. (pushes the guns away)","KOVARIAN: We've been waiting a month. He's done nothing.","DORIUM: (counting money) Do you really think so? There are people all over this galaxy that owe that man a debt. By now, a few of them will have found a blue box waiting for them on their doorstep. Poor devils.","COLONEL: You think he's raising an army?","DORIUM: You think he isn't? If that man is finally collecting on his debts, God help you, and God help his debtors.","COLONEL: Why?","DORIUM: Colonel Manton, all those stories you've heard about him. They're not stories, they're true. (chuckles) Really you're not telling me you don't know what's coming?","MANTON: We're wasting our time here!","KOVARIAN: (stands) Agreed.","DORIUM: The asteroid, where you've made your base. Do you know why they call it Demons Run?","MANTON: How do you know the location of our base?","DORIUM: (sighs) You're with the Headless Monks...they're old customers of mine.","KOVARIAN: It's just some old saying.","DORIUM: A very old saying. The oldest. \"Demons run, when a good man goes to war\".","KOVARIAN and MANTON leave. DORIUM turns in his seat and watches them go. He laughs and walks into a back storage room on his way out. He hears the TARDIS.","DORIUM: No. No, no, please! Not me! You don't need me!","The TARDIS door opens and light pours out. We see the DOCTOR'S silhouette on the wall behind DORIUM.","DORIUM: Why would you need me?! I'm old! I'm fat! I'm blue! You can't need me!","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","MANTON is on a stage, three Headless Monks behind him. The soldiers stand at ease as they listen. KOVARIAN is standing to the side.","MANTON: He is not the devil. He is not a god. He is not a goblin, or a phantom or a trickster. The Doctor is a living, breathing man, and as I look around this room I know one thing... We're sure as hell going to fix that.","The soldiers cheer.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, NURSERY","AMY is watching MANTON through the window as LORNA enters. She slowly approaches AMY, holding something in her hand.","LORNA: Sorry. I shouldn't be here, I'm meant to be at the thing. I brought you something. Your child's name, in the language of my people. (it is what she was sewing earlier) It's a prayer leaf and we believe, if you keep this with you, your child will always come home to you.","AMY: Can I borrow your gun?","LORNA: Why?","AMY: Cos I've got a feeling you're going to keep talking. (faces window) Talking like he's famous. The Doctor isn't famous...","LORNA: He meets a lot of people. Some of them...remember. (smiles) He's sort of like a...I dunno. A dark legend.","AMY: Dark?! Have you met him?","LORNA: Yeah.","AMY turns around.","LORNA: But I was just a little girl.","AMY: So was I.","LORNA: You've been with him a long time then.","AMY: No. He came back for me.","LORNA: You must be very special.","AMY: Hey. You can wait a long time for the Doctor. But he's worth it. OK? (walks to LORNA) The thing is, he's coming. No question about it. Just you make sure you're on the right side when he gets here. Not for my sake...for yours. (holds out her hand and LORNA gives her the prayer leaf) Thank you.","AMY holds the prayer leaf between her hands as LORNA leaves.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","MANTON continues his speech. AMY continues to watch from the window.","MANTON: On this day, in this place, the Doctor will fall.","The soldiers cheer.","MANTON: The man who talks, the man who reasons, the man who lies, will meet the perfect answer. Some of you have wondered why have we have allied ourselves with the Headless Monks.","LORNA arrives and takes her position.","MANTON: Perhaps you should have wondered why we call them Headless. It's time you knew what these guys have sacrificed for faith. As you all know, it is a Level One Heresy, punishable by death, to lower the hood of a Headless Monk. But by the divine grant of the Papal Mainframe herself, on this one and only occasion, I can show you the truth. Because these guys never can be... (lowers hood of first monk to show a knotted stump where the head and neck should have been) persuaded! They NEVER can be...(lowers hood of second monk) Afraid. (approaches third monk) And they can never, ever be...","The monk throws back its own hood to reveal the DOCTOR.","DOCTOR: Surprised!","The soldiers are stunned and AMY smiles and presses her hands against the window.","DOCTOR: Hello everyone! Guess who! (walks to the front of the stage) Please point a gun at me if it helps you relax.","All the soldiers-except LORNA-aim their guns at the DOCTOR. The two monks draw energized swords.","DOCTOR: You're only human.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, COMMUNICATION","VASTRA and JENNY enter communication and put swords to the two soldiers' necks.","VASTRA: Go on, resist. I'm ever so hungry.","JENNY: Now, dear, which button controls the lights?","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","MANTON aims his gun on the DOCTOR.","MANTON: Doctor, you will come with me, right now!","The DOCTOR turns and smiles at MANTON.","DOCTOR: Three minutes, forty seconds. Amelia Pond! Get your coat!","The DOCTOR puts his hood back on just as the lights go out. When they come back on, he's gone.","DOCTOR: (over speaker) I'm not a phantom.","MANTON: Doctor?","DOCTOR: (over speaker) I'm not a trickster.","MANTON: Doctor?","DOCTOR: (over speaker) I'm a monk.","MANTON: Doctor, show yourself!","SOLDIER: It's him! He's here! (aims gun at the monks)","Other soldiers aim their guns at the monks as well. The monks \"charge\" their swords.","SOLDIER: It's him!","The SOLDIER shoots one of the monks. There is tension between the two factions.","MANTON: Weapons down! Do not fire!","One of the monks raises his hand and energy shoots from it, killing a soldier.","MANTON: NOOO!","The monks and the soldiers start fighting each other.","KOVARIAN: (to guards) Follow me.","MANTON: Doctor! Doctor!","INT. DEMON'S RUN, COMMUNICATION","While VASTRA works the controls, JENNY looks at the screen at MANTON","JENNY: Clever, isn't he?","VASTRA: And rather attractive.","Behind them, the two soldiers are tied up on the floor.","JENNY: You do realise he's a man, don't you, ma'am?","VASTRA: Mammals. They all look alike.","JENNY: Oh, thank you!","The soldiers work their way to the door lock override on the wall.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","MANTON aims his gun on the DOCTOR.","MANTON: Nobody discharge their weapon in this room. Nobody!","LORNA sees a figure in a monk's robe by one of the doors. The DOCTOR uses the sonic","MANTON: Do not fire!","INT. DEMON'S RUN, COMMUNICATION","VASTRA: Was I being insensitive again, dear? I don't know why you put up with me. (turns and uses her long tongue on the soldier)","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","MANTON: Stop, wait! Listen to me!","LORNA sees the DOCTOR sneak out the door and follows.","MANTON: I'm disarming my weapon pack. (removes pack from gun) Monks, I do this in good faith! I am now unarmed. (places pack on the floor) All of you, discharge your weapon packs. The Doctor is trying to make fools of us... We are soldiers of God, we are not fools! We are not fools!","ALL: We are not fools! (soldiers remove packs)","MANTON: We are not fools!","SOLDIER 2: We are not fools!","More soldiers remove packs. MANTON leads the chant and the soldiers continue to follow his head.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, COMMUNICATION","VASTRA: Colonel Manton is regaining control.","JENNY: Where's the Doctor gone?","INT. DEMON'S RUN, CORRIDOR","LORNA finds the DOCTOR'S discarded disguise and continues to follow.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","The soldiers continue their chant and soon they are all unarmed and the monks have lowered their swords. A female soldier puts down her weapon and then looks into the face of an armed Silurian. Other Silurians beam in and soon have the soldiers surrounded. Judoon appear as well. STRAX appears on the stage next to MANTON, gun aimed at him.","STRAX: This base is now under our command.","MANTON: I have a fleet out there! If Demons Run goes down, there's an automatic distress call.","DOCTOR: (over speaker) Not if we knock out your communications array.","The DOCTOR is on a raised platform overlooking the hangar speaking into a microphone.","DOCTOR: And you've got incoming!","PILOT: (over speaker) Danny Boy to the Doctor. Danny Boy to the Doctor.","DOCTOR: Give 'em hell, Danny Boy! (puts arms out and pretends to be a plane)","SPACE","The Spitfires from \"Victory of the Daleks\" fire upon Demon's Run.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. DEMON'S RUN, NURSERY","As the asteroid rocks from the hits, AMY smiles.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, MAINTENANCE CORRIDOR","KOVARIAN and her two soldiers brace themselves.","KOVARIAN: I need to get off this station now. Bring me the child!","The soldiers turn back.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","PILOT: Target destroyed.","The DOCTOR laughs.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, NURSERY","AMY laughs.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","MANTON hangs his head.","STRAX: Don't slump, it's bad for your spine!","INT. DEMON'S RUN, CORRIDOR","The soldiers return carrying the basinet between them.","KOVARIAN: Get back in there with the rest of them. Remember, the Doctor must think he's winning, right until the trap","closes! I'll take my ship from here.","KOVARIAN keys in a code at the door as the two soldiers set down the basinet and leave. LORNA is hiding at a corner. She takes off her pack and leaves quietly.","COMPUTER: Airlock engaged. Shuttle ready for boarding.","RORY: (holds his sword to KOVARIAN'S neck) No.","KOVARIAN: I have a crew of 20. How do you expect to gain control of my ship?","RORY scoffs. The airlock doors open and one of her men is pushed out, trussed up. Behind him are AVERY and his son. AVERY aims his pistol at her.","AVERY: This ship is ours, m'lady!","INT. DEMON'S RUN, COMMUNICATION","STRAX is escorting MANTON by gunpoint.","STRAX: All airlocks sealed, resistance neutralised!","The DOCTOR is sitting at the main control panel. VASTRA, JENNY and DORIUM are also present.","DOCTOR: Sorry, Colonel Manton, I lied. Three minutes, 42 seconds.","STRAX: Colonel Manton, you will give the order for your men to withdraw.","DOCTOR: No. Colonel Manton... I want you to tell your men to run away.","MANTON: You what?","DOCTOR: Those words. Run away. I want you to be famous for those exact words. I want people to call you Colonel Run-Away. I want children laughing outside your door, cos they've found the house of Colonel Run-Away. (stands and points his finger) And, when people come to you, and ask if trying to get to me through the people I love... is in any way a good idea... I want you to tell them your name. Oh, look! I'm angry. That's new. I'm really not sure what's going to happen now.","KOVARIAN arrives escorted by two Silurians.","KOVARIAN: The anger of a good man is not a problem. Good men have too many rules.","The DOCTOR slowly turns his head to look at her.","DOCTOR: Good men don't need rules. (walks over to KOVARIAN) Today is not the day to find out why I have so many.","KOVARIAN: Give the order.","The DOCTOR pulls back, a little surprised. He smiles crookedly and holds up a finger before walking away.","KOVARIAN: Give the order Colonel Run-Away.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, NURSERY","There is a knocking at the door and AMY runs about, trying to find something to use as a weapon.","AMY: Who's that, who's there? (finds something that looks like an industrial thermometer) You watch it, cos I'm armed and really dangerous and...cross!","RORY: (through the door) Yeah. Like I don't know that.","AMY: Rory? Rory, is that you.","RORY: (through the door) Yeah, it's me...(uses the sonic) Hang on a minute.","AMY: They took her. Rory, they took our baby away.","The doors slide open and RORY is holding MELODY.","RORY: Now, Mrs Williams... That is never, ever going to happen. (walks over to AMY)","AMY: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. (checks MELODY) Where's she been, what have they done to her...","RORY: She's fine. Amy, she's fine, I checked. She's beautiful. (starts crying) Oh, God, I was going to be cool. I wanted to be cool, look at me.","AMY: You're OK. Crying Roman with a baby, definitely cool. Come here, you! (kisses him)","The DOCTOR stands at the door.","DOCTOR: Ugh, kissing and crying, I'll be back in a bit.","RORY: Oi! You! Get in here. Now.","The DOCTOR hurries over and joins them. He points at MELODY and smiles.","RORY: My daughter. What do you think?","DOCTOR: Hello. Hello, baby.","AMY: Melody.","DOCTOR: Melody! Hello, Melody Pond!","RORY: Melody Williams.","AMY: ..is a geography teacher. Melody Pond is a superhero!","The DOCTOR leans over and listens as MELODY gurgles.","DOCTOR: (to MELODY) Well, yes, I suppose she does smell nice. Never really sniffed her, maybe I should give it a go. Amelia Pond, c'mere! (hugs her)","AMY: Doctor!","DOCTOR: I'm sorry we were so long. (sniffs her)","AMY: It's OK, I knew you were coming. Both of you. My boys!","MELODY squeals.","DOCTOR: It's OK, she's still all yours. And really you should call her Mummy, not Big Milk Thing.","AMY: OK, what are you doing?","DOCTOR: I speak Baby.","AMY: No, you don't!","DOCTOR: I speak everything...Don't I, Melody Pond? (MELODY gurgles and the DOCTOR straightens his tie) No, it's not...it's cool!","VASTRA enters and leans on the rail.","VASTRA: Doctor! Take a look. They're leaving.","The DOCTOR walks to the window and looks out as the soldiers are marched away.","VASTRA: Demons Run is ours without a drop of blood spilled. My friend, you have never risen higher!","RORY looks up at VASTRA'S words, remembering what RIVER said.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","AMY comes out of the TARDIS, comforting MELODY.","RORY: Hey what's wrong?","AMY: She doesn't like the TARDIS noise. I asked him to turn something off, but it was all \"I don't want to punch a hole in the space-time continuum\".","JENNY and STRAX walk up to them.","JENNY: Rory! The Judoon have escorted the Clerics out of the quadrant, Spitfires have returned to their own time, and Captain Avery and his men... Is she all right?","AMY: Yes, she's just crying.","STRAX: Give her to me, human fool. She needs changing.","AMY: I just changed her. I think she might need a feed.","STRAX: A feed, of course. I'll take care of everything. (steps forward, hand out)","RORY: I really don't think you will, actually.","STRAX: I have gene-spliced myself for all nursing duties. I can produce magnificent quantities of lactic fluid.","The DOCTOR exits the TARDIS carrying an old fashioned cradle.","LORNA: She's not hungry, she's tired. Sorry, Melody, they're just not listening.","AMY: What's this?!","DOCTOR: Very pretty, according to your daughter.","RORY: It's a...it's a cot.","DOCTOR: No flies on the Roman. Give her here. Hey!","AMY: (hands MELODY to the DOCTOR) There we go.","RORY: But where would you get a cot?","The DOCTOR puts MELODY in the cot\/cradle.","AMY: It's old. Really old. Doctor...do you have children?","DOCTOR: No.","AMY: Have you ever had children?","DOCTOR: (to MELODY) No, it's real, it's my hair.","AMY: Who slept in here?","VASTRA: (over speakers) Doctor! We need you in the main control room.","DOCTOR: Be right there! Things to do... I've still got to work out what this base is for. We can't leave till we know. (heads off)","AMY: (walks after him) But this is where I was? DOCTOR stops) The whole time I thought I was on the TARDIS, I was really here.","DOCTOR: Erm... Centurion, permission to hug?","RORY: Be aware, I do have a sword.","DOCTOR: At all times. (salutes RORY then hugs AMY) You were on the TARDIS too...your heart, your mind, your soul. But physically, yes, you were still in this place.","AMY: And when I saw that face looking through the hatch... that woman looking at me...","DOCTOR: Reality bleeding through. They must have taken you quite a while back. Just before America...","RORY: That's probably enough hugging now.","The DOCTOR and AMY break the hug.","RORY: So her flesh avatar was with us all that time. But that means they were projecting a control signal right into the TARDIS. Wherever we were in time and space.","DOCTOR: Yeah, they're very clever.","AMY: Who are?","RORY: Whoever wants our baby.","AMY: But why do they want her?","DOCTOR: Exactly!","RORY: Is there anything you're not telling us? You knew Amy wasn't real, you never said.","DOCTOR: Well, I couldn't be sure they weren't listening.","AMY: But you always hold out on us. Please, not this time. Doctor, it's our baby. Tell us something. One little thing.","DOCTOR: It's mine.","RORY: What is?","DOCTOR: The cot. It's my cot. I slept in there.","RORY looks at the hanging mobile over the cot.","AMY: Oh, my God. It's the Doctor's first stars.","RORY: She's...","AMY reaches into her pocket and pulls out the prayer leaf to wipe around MELODY'S mouth.","STRAX: Drop your weapons. State your rank and intent! (he marches LORNA over to them) I found it listening at the door!","INT. DEMON'S RUN, COMMUNICATION","The DOCTOR enters. DORIUM is sitting at the controls.","DOCTOR: You've hacked into their software then?","DORIUM: I believe I sold it to them.","DOCTOR: So what have we learned?","VASTRA: That anger is always the shortest distance to a mistake.","DOCTOR: I'm sorry?","VASTRA: The words of an old friend who once found me in the London Underground, attempting to avenge my sisters on perfectly innocent tunnel diggers.","DOCTOR: Well...You were very cross at the time.","VASTRA: As you were today, old friend. Point taken, I hope.","The DOCTOR nods in acceptance of her words.","VASTRA: Now, I have a question. A simple one. Is Melody human?","DOCTOR: Sorry, what? Of course she is! (laughs uncomfortably) Completely human, what are you talking about?!","DORIUM: They've been scanning her since she was born and I think they found what they were looking for. (pulls it up on a screen)","DOCTOR: (walks over) Human DNA.","VASTRA: Look closer. Human plus. Specifically...human plus Time Lord.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","LORNA: I heard her talking...this is a trap. Why would I lie to you?","RORY steps forward.","RORY: Well, you might want to take a look at your uniform.","LORNA: The only reason I joined the Clerics was to meet the Doctor again.","JENNY: You wanted to meet him, so you joined an army to fight him?","LORNA: Well, how else do you meet a great warrior?","AMY: He's not a warrior.","LORNA: Then why's he called the Doctor?","The lights go out and AMY and RORY stand by the cot.","LORNA: It's starting. Please listen to me.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, COMMUNICATION","DOCTOR: But she's human. She's Amy and Rory's daughter.","VASTRA: You told me about your people. They became what they did through prolonged exposure to the time vortex. The untempered schism...","DOCTOR: Over billions of years, it didn't just happen.","VASTRA: So how close is she? Could she even regenerate?","DOCTOR: No, no! I don't think so.","VASTRA: You don't sound so sure.","DOCTOR: Because I don't understand how this happened!","VASTRA: Which leads me to ask... when did it happen?","DOCTOR: When?","VASTRA: I am trying to be delicate...I know how you can blush. When did this baby... begin?","DOCTOR: Oh, you mean...","VASTRA: Quite.","DOCTOR: Well, how would I know? That's all human-y, private stuff, it just sort of...goes on. They don't put up a balloon, or anything. (walks down the hall)","VASTRA: But could the child have begun on the TARDIS, in flight, in the vortex.","DOCTOR: (heads back) No, no, impossible! It's all running about, sexy fish vampires and blowing up stuff. And Rory wasn't even there at the beginning. Then he was dead, then he didn't exist, then he was plastic. Then I had to reboot the whole universe...long story. So technically the first time they were on the TARDIS together, in this version of reality, was on their...","VASTRA: On their what?","DOCTOR: (gulps) On their wedding night.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","STRAX: Confirmed. No life forms registering on this base, except us and the Silurians.","LORNA: The Headless Monks aren't alive...they don't register as life forms.","A monk walks up behind a Silurian.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, COMMUNICATION","DOCTOR: Doesn't make sense! You can't just cook yourself a Time Lord.","VASTRA: Of course not, but you gave them one hell of a start and they've been working very hard ever since.","DORIUM: And yet they gave in so easily. Does this not that bother anyone else?","DOCTOR: Amy! She worried the baby would have a time head. She said that...","VASTRA: Only you would ignore the instincts of a mother!","DORIUM: Or the instincts of a coward. This is too easy. There's something wrong.","DOCTOR: Why even do it? Even if you could get your hands on a brand new Time Lord, what for?","VASTRA: A weapon?","DOCTOR: Why would a Time Lord be a weapon?","VASTRA: Well...they've seen you.","DOCTOR: Me? (sits down, stunned)","VASTRA: Mr Maldovar, you're right. This was too easy. We should get back to the others.","DOCTOR: (softly) Me?","VASTRA and DORIUM leave. The DOCTOR remembers the girl in the spacesuit and what RIVER said while examining the suit.","[SCENE_BREAK]","FLASHBACK to \"Day of the Moon\"","RIVER: Well, I'd say she's human, going by the life support software. She climbed out of this suit. Like she forced her way out. She must be incredibly strong.","[SCENE_BREAK]","KOVARIAN appears on the communication screen.","KOVARIAN: I see you accessed our files.","The DOCTOR stands and faces the screen.","KOVARIAN: Do you understand yet? Oh, don't worry, I'm a long way away. But I like to keep tabs on you. The child then... What do you think?","DOCTOR: What is she?","KOVARIAN: Hope. Hope in this endless, bitter war.","DOCTOR: What war? Against who?","KOVARIAN: Against you, Doctor.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","A lift opens and a monk emerges, shooting energy from his hand and killing the Silurian on guard. In the main area, a glowing light appears around the TARDIS. AMY is holding MELODY.","AMY: What's that?","VASTRA approaches and reaches a hand out to touch it. She pulls it back at the energy she feels.","VASTRA: Force field.","RORY is on alert. The monks begin chanting as they walk towards them. A loud noise is heard.","LORNA: And those are the doors... locking.","The monks pass the bodies of Silurians on the ground. The lifts are shut down.","VASTRA: Apparently we're not leaving.","They hear the chanting.","RORY: Is that the Monks?","DORIUM: Oh, dear God... that's the attack prayer.","RORY: (to AMY) Quick, come with me. (leads her away)","VASTRA: Commander Strax!","STRAX: I'm trying to seal off this area of the lighting grid.","VASTRA: This is where we'll make our stand. Clear lines of sight on all approaches.","The monks have their swords out and charged. In another section of the room, RORY helps AMY and MELODY hide behind crates.","AMY: Rory, no offence to the others, but you let them all die first, OK?","RORY: You're so Scottish.","Amy kisses him and RORY kisses MELODY'S head.","VASTRA: (calls) Centurion, you're needed!","RORY leaves.","LORNA is searching through large crates.","LORNA: There should be some plasma pistols somewhere. They left everything.","STRAX: Then find them, boy!","VASTRA: (to JENNY) She's definitely a girl.","JENNY: Oh, stop it!","DORIUM: (walks towards the monks) We don't have to fight. I'm friends to the Monks, they know me.","RORY: Yeah, and they know you just sold them out to the Doctor.","DORIUM: Oh, they'll understand. It's only me, only silly old me. (holds his arms out wide) You understand, don't you?","VASTRA: Mr Maldovar, get back here!","STRAX: Arm yourself, fool!","RORY: Dorium!","AMY clings to MELODY and hears the sound of a sword and then something hitting the floor. MEDLOY cries.","VASTRA: Mr Maldovar?","RORY: Dorium?","LORNA comes up behind them, passing out guns. They watch as the monks march forward, swords glowing. A headless DORIUM also walks towards them.","VASTRA: The child! At all costs, protect the child!","RORY draws his sword in one hand and a pistol in the other. The others aim their guns.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, COMMUNICATION","The DOCTOR slams his hands down in anger as he shouts at KOVARIAN on the screen.","DOCTOR: A child is not a weapon!","KOVARIAN: Oh, give us time. She can be. She will be.","DOCTOR: Except you've already lost her, and I swear I will never let you anywhere near her again.","KOVARIAN: Oh, Doctor. Fooling you once was a joy... but fooling you twice, the same way, it's a privilege.","DOCTOR: (realizing) Amy... Amy! (runs from the room)","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","AMY tries to console a crying MELODY as the sounds of fighting go on around them. Over AMY'S shoulder where","only MELODY can see, a \"panel\" slides open and KOVARIAN'S face appears. In the main section of the hangar, the fight continues with RORY in the center of it.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, CORRIDORS","The DOCTOR runs to the others, hoping to get there in time.","RIVER: (V.O.) Demons run when a good man goes to war.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","The fight continues.","RIVER: (V.O.) Night will fall and drown the sun when a good man goes to war.","AMY consoles MELODY.","RIVER: (V.O.) Friendship dies and true love lies.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","The fight continues.","RIVER: (V.O.) Night will fall and the dark will rise when a good man goes to war.","INT. DEMON'S RUN, CORRIDORS","DOCTOR: Amy!","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","The fight continues. A monk comes up behind STRAX. LORNA is struck by a monk's energy.","RIVER: (V.O.) Demons run but count the cost","INT. DEMON'S RUN, CORRIDORS","RIVER: (V.O.) the battle's won but the child is lost.","DOCTOR: Amy!","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","KOVARIAN speaks to MELODY.","KOVARIAN: Wakey, wakey!","INT. DEMON'S RUN, CORRIDORS","The DOCTOR comes to a locked door.","DOCTOR: Amy!","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","MELODY bursts. She was Flesh.","AMY: (screams) Rory!","RORY hears her","AMY: Rory! Rory!","INT. DEMON'S RUN, CORRIDORS","The DOCTOR uses the sonic on the door.","DOCTOR: Amy, she's not real! Melody - she's a flesh avatar. (pounds on door) Amy! (door opens)","INT. DEMON'S RUN, HANGAR","The DOCTOR runs in, the fighting is over.","DOCTOR: Amy! (stops at the destruction around him) Amy.","RORY: Yeah, we know.","RORY walks over to a dying STRAX.","STRAX: It's strange. I have often dreamed of dying in combat. I'm not enjoying it as much as I'd hoped.","RORY: Come on, Strax, don't give up.","STRAX: It's all right, I've had a good life. I'm nearly 12.","RORY: Listen to me. You'll be back on your feet in no time. You're a warrior!","STRAX: Rory... I'm a nurse. (dies)","The DOCTOR sees JENNY with AMY and walks over to them.","AMY: So they took her anyway. All this was for nothing.","RORY joins them.","DOCTOR: I am so... sorry. (goes to hug her bust she backs away)","JENNY: Amy... it's not his fault.","AMY: (crying) I know, I know.","RORY puts his arms around her and comforts her.","VASTRA: Doctor, there's someone who wants to speak to you. Her name is Lorna, she came to warn us.","The DOCTOR uses the sonic to scan LORNA. He squats down beside her and rubs his face with one hand in frustration. LORNA opens her eyes.","DOCTOR: Hey. Hello.","LORNA: Doctor!","DOCTOR: (smiles) You helped my friends, thank you.","LORNA: I met you once. In the Gamma Forests. You don't remember me.","DOCTOR: Hey, of course I remember. (holds her face between his hands) I remember everyone. Hey, we ran, you and me! Didn't we run, Lorna?","LORNA dies.","DOCTOR: (to VASTRA) Who was she?","VASTRA: I don't know but she was very brave.","DOCTOR: They're always brave. (softer) They're always brave.(stands)","VASTRA: So, what now? They'd almost certainly have taken her to Earth, raise her in the correct environment.","DOCTOR: Yes, they did. And it's already too late. (walks away)","VASTRA: You're giving up? You never do that.","DOCTOR: (turns) Don't you sometimes wish I did?","There is a bright flash of light and a clap of displaced air.","RIVER: Well, then, soldier, how goes the day?","The DOCTOR strides over.","DOCTOR: Where the hell have you been? Every time you've asked, I have been there. Where the hell were you today?","RIVER: I couldn't have prevented this.","DOCTOR: You could've tried!","RIVER: And so, my love, could you. (looks at AMY and RORY) I know you're not all right. But hold tight, Amy, because you're going to be.","DOCTOR: You think I wanted this? (points generally) I didn't do this. This... this wasn't me!","RIVER: This was exactly you. All this, all of it. You make them so afraid. When you began, all those years ago, sailing off to see the universe, did you ever think you'd become this? The man who can turn an army around at the mention of his name? Doctor? The word for healer and wise man, throughout the universe. We get that word from you, you know. But if you carry on the way you are, what might that word come to mean? To the people of the Gamma Forests, the word \"Doctor\" means mighty warrior. How far you've come. And now they've taken a child... the child of your best friends... and they're going to turn her into a weapon, just to bring you down. And all this, my love...in fear of you.","DOCTOR: Who are you?","RIVER: (lightly) Oh, look, your cot! Haven't seen that in a very long while. (backs up to the cot)","DOCTOR: No, no, you tell me. Tell me... who you are.","RIVER: (takes his hand) I am telling you. (holds his hand on the cot) Can't you read?","The DOCTOR looks at the Gallifreyan writing on the cot and then up at RIVER. He suddenly realizes who she is and smiles.","DOCTOR: Hello.","RIVER: Hello.","DOCTOR: (laughs nervously) But... but that means...","RIVER: I'm afraid it does.","DOCTOR: (looks at AMY and RORY) Ooh! But you and I, we, we, we, er... (kisses the air)","RIVER: Yes.","DOCTOR: (looks nervously at AMY and RORY before straightening his tie and jacket) How do I look?","RIVER: Amazing.","DOCTOR: I'd better be.","RIVER: Yes, you'd better be.","DOCTOR: (spins) Vastra and Jenny, till the next time. Rory and Amy, I'll find your daughter and on my life, she will be safe. River, get them all home. (heads for the TARDIS)","RORY: Doctor?","AMY: No! Where are you going? No!","The DOCTOR uses the sonic to lift the force field and enters the TARDIS. In the doorway, he laughs and points at RIVER before going inside and closing the door. The TARDIS dematerializes.","AMY: (walks towards RIVER) Where's he going? What did you tell him?","RIVER: Amy, you have stay calm.","AMY: (picks a gun off the floor and aims it at RIVER) Tell me what you told the Doctor.","RORY: Amy, no, stop it!","RIVER: It's OK, Rory, she's fine, she's good. It's the TARDIS translation matrix, it takes a while to kick in with the written word. You have to concentrate.","AMY: (looks at the Gallifreyan on the cot) I still can't read it.","RORY takes the gun from AMY.","RIVER: It's because it's Gallifreyan and doesn't translate. But this will. (gives AMY the prayer leaf) It's your daughter's name in the language of the forest.","AMY: I know my daughter's name.","RIVER: Except they don't have a word for \"pond\" because only water in the forest is the river. The Doctor will find your daughter and he will care for her whatever it takes and I know that.","LORNA'S stitching changes in AMY and RORY'S eyes as the translation circuit works. One side becomes \"River\" and the other \"Song\".","RIVER: It's me. I'm Melody. I'm your daughter."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who","Episode Number":"06x07","Episode Title":"A Good Man Goes to War","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_07x03.json","Recap":["The TARDIS accidentally lands in Mercy, a town in the American West around 1870. The TARDIS crew discovers the town's doctor, Jex, is an alien who is being sought by the cyborg Gunslinger. The Doctor discovers Jex was a scientist who experimented on volunteers to create cyborgs to fight in a war on his home planet; the Gunslinger is seeking revenge for what was done to him. The Doctor faces a moral dilemma of whether he should offer Jex to the Gunslinger; he devises a plan to help Jex escape, but Jex commits suicide to save more innocent people from being harmed. The Doctor saves the Gunslinger from self-destruction and makes him the marshal of Mercy."],"Transcript":["EXT. DESERT, NIGHT","As we pan across and down from the night sky, there is a WOMAN'S voice-over.","WOMAN: When I was a child, my favourite story was about a man who lived forever, but whose eyes were heavy with the weight of all he'd seen, a man who fell from the stars.","A futuristic drone glides over the ground. It is targeted and shot down. As it falls to the ground, we see a MAN kneeling on the ground behind it. The MAN is targeted as well.","MAN: I knew you'd find me eventually.","The GUNSLINGER raises his arm which is a futuristic weapon. He speaks in a robotic voice.","GUNSLINGER: Make peace with your gods.","MAN: Once they were your gods too.","GUNSLINGER: Not anymore.","The MAN turns and slowly crawls away. He reaches for a gun lying on the ground and the GUNSLINGER shoots him. He falls backwards onto the ground with a groan. The GUNSLINGER walks up and we see only one eye is human, the other mechanical. He raises his gun again.","MAN: Am I the last one?","GUNSLINGER: There's one more. The Doctor. (fires)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Matt Smith","[SCENE_BREAK]","Karen Gillan","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arthur Darvill","\"A Town Called Mercy\" By Toby Whithouse","PRODUCER Marcus Wilson","DIRECTOR Saul Metzstein","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TOWN, DAY","The DOCTOR stands in the road, arms crossed, and reads the sign marking entrance to the town. The population has been crossed out and added to. There is also a \"Keep Out\" sign nailed to the post.","DOCTOR: \"Mercy, 81 residents.\"","AMY and RORY are standing off to the side looking at a line of stones and branches that seem to ring the town.","AMY: Look at this. It's a load of stones and lumps of wood.","The DOCTOR takes out his sonic and runs it along the line.","AMY: What is it?","DOCTOR: A load of stones and lumps of wood.","The DOCTOR steps over the line and, from above, the GUNSLINGER watches.","RORY: Er, the sign does say, \"Keep out.\"","DOCTOR: I see keep-out signs as suggestions more than actual orders. Like dry clean only.","The DOCTOR rubs his hands together before turning and heading into town. AMY and RORY follow him.","EXT. TOWN, STREET, DAY","They walk down the street and are stared at from behind windows and doorways. A woman clutches her daughter closely. Streetlamps line the road and one sparks as they get close.","DOCTOR: That's not right. (scans with sonic)","RORY: It's a street lamp.","DOCTOR: An electric street lamp about ten years too early.","RORY: It's only a few years out.","DOCTOR: That's what you said when you left your phone recharger in Henry VIII's en-suite.","AMY: Doctor, um...","DOCTOR: Anachronistic electricity, keep-out signs, aggressive stares... Has someone been peeking at my Christmas list? (takes a toothpick from jacket pocket and puts it in mouth)","AMY: Doctor!","INT. SALOON, DAY","The saloon seems to be doing a brisk business. A man plays piano as men drink at the tables or play poker. The DOCTOR pushes open the bat-wing doors and the music and chatter stops. He saunters over to the bar, puts his hand down on the counter and orders in a fake American accent.","DOCTOR: Tea. But the strong stuff. Leave the bag in. (tries to flip the toothpick but it gets stuck)","BARTENDER: What you doing here, son?","DOCTOR: Son? (laughs) You can stay.","Behind them, a man stands, hands gripping his lapels. He's the PREACHER.","PREACHER: Sir, might I enquire who you is?","DOCTOR: (turns) Of course. I am the Doctor, this is...","All the men in the saloon stand.","DOCTOR: No need to stand. (turns to AMY and RORY) You see that? Manners.","Another MAN walks up behind the DOCTOR and measures his shoulders.","DOCTOR: (turns) Oh, thank you, but I don't need a new suit.","MAN: I'm the undertaker, sir.","A YOUNG MAN steps forward.","YOUNG MAN: I got a question. Is you an alien?","DOCTOR: Well, um... Bit personal. It's all relative, isn't it? I mean, I think YOU'RE the aliens. But in this context, yes. Yes, I suppose I am.","The men rush the DOCTOR, lifting him and carrying him outside.","EXT. TOWN, STREET, DAY","The men carry the DOCTOR along the street, AMY and RORY are restrained as they follow.","AMY: Doctor! Put him down!","MAN: Don't think we won't kill you.","AMY: Doctor!","RORY: Leave her alone!","DOCTOR: Don't worry! Everything is completely under control!","AMY: (fights those holding her) Get off me!","DOCTOR: Guys! Guys! Oh, dear. (is thrown over the line) Whoa! (stands and cracks his back) Aargh. Ow.","The DOCTOR turns back to the town and the men draw their guns on him. The DOCTOR raises his hands. In the distance behind him we see the GUNSLINGER approaching by teleporting shirt distances.","PREACHER: He's coming. Oh, God. He's coming.","YOUNG MAN: Preacher... Say something.","PREACHER: Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done...","As the PREACHER prays, the DOCTOR slowly turns and sees the GUNSLINGER. He tries to get back over the line but the men refuse to lower their weapons. A gunshot is fired. Everyone turns to look at the newcomer.","MAN: You. Bow tie. (DOCTOR points at himself) Get back across that line. (reveals badge) Now.","The DOCTOR steps back across the line. The GUNSLINGER stops then disappears.","YOUNG MAN: Isaac, he said he was a doctor... an alien doctor.","ISSAC: That a reason to hand him to his death?","YOUNG MAN: But, Isaac, it could be him!","ISSAC: You know it ain't. (turns and walks away with a nod to AMY) Ma'am.","The DOCTOR brushes himself off and straightens his jacket before following after ISSAC. AMY and RORY followed him. Some of the townsfolk aren't so happy.","MAN 1: Just let him go like that?","MAN 2: Be seeing you, boy.","INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY","ISSAC walks over to the desk as the DOCTOR, RORY and AMY enter.","DOCTOR: What was that outside?","ISSAC: (sits on the corner of his desk) The Gunslinger. Showed up three weeks back. We've been prisoners ever since. You see that borderline, stretching round the town? Woke up one morning, there it was. Nothing gets past it, in or out. No supply wagons, no reinforcements. Pretty soon, the whole town's going to starve to death.","RORY: But... he let US in.","ISSAC: You ain't carrying any food, just three more mouths to feed. We'll all die even sooner now.","DOCTOR: What happens if someone crosses the line?","ISSAC tosses the DOCTOR a Stetson and he catches it.","DOCTOR: Ah, well...(puts a finger through bullet hole) He wasn't a very good shot then.","ISSAC: He was aiming for the hat.","DOCTOR: He shoots people's hats?!","AMY: I think it was a warning shot.","DOCTOR: (passes hat to RORY) Ah. No. Yes. I see. Hmmm.","AMY: (gets the hat from RORY) What does he want? Has he issued some kind of demand?","AMY passes hat back to RORY who then passes it back to the DOCTOR who, in turn, throws it back to ISSAC.","ISSAC: He says he wants us to give him \"the alien doctor\".","AMY: But that's you. Why would he want to kill you? Unless he's met you.","RORY: And how could he know we'd be here? (whisper) We didn't even know we'd be here.","AMY: (to ISSAC) We were aiming for Mexico. The Doctor was taking us to see the Day of the Dead Festival.","ISSAC: Mexico's 200 miles due south.","DOCTOR: (notices light flicker) Well, that's what happens when people get toast crumbs on the console. Anyway, I think it's about time I met him, don't you? (sit on railing)","ISSAC: Who?","DOCTOR: The chap outside said I could be the alien doctor, but you said I wasn't. So you already know who it is. Two alien Doctors! We're like buses. Resident 81, I presume. So beloved by the townsfolk, he warranted an alteration to the sign. Probably because he rigged up these electrics. And I'm guessing he's in here because if half the town suddenly wanted to throw me to my death... this is where I'd want to be. (hops off the rail and heads for the cell)","ISSAC: I don't know what you... (tries to stop the DOCTOR)","MAN: It's all right, Isaac. I think the time for subterfuge has passed. (gets up from bunk) Good afternoon. My name is Kahler-Jex. I'm the doctor.","JEX is dressed like a professional of the time. He also has a tattoo along the right side of his face similar to that of the man killed earlier.","EXT. DESERT, DAY","The GUNSLINGER stands on a bluff overlooking the town and watches.","INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY","The DOCTOR shakes JEX'S hand vigorously.","DOCTOR: The Kahler. I love the Kahler. One of the most ingenious races in the galaxy, seriously. They could build a spaceship out of Tupperware and moss.","AMY gently pushes the DOCTOR down into a chair and he releases JEX'S hand.","AMY: All right. How did you get here?","JEX: (sits behind ISSAC'S desk) My craft crashed about a mile or so out of town. I would have died if Isaac and the others hadn't pulled me from the wreckage.","DOCTOR: And you stayed? As their doctor?","JEX: On my world, I was a surgeon, so it seemed logical and it gave me an opportunity to repay my debt to them.","ISSAC: Listen to him. Talking like it was nothing. Tell them about the cholera. (slaps JEX on the back)","JEX: Now, Isaac, I'm sure our guests aren't...","ISSAC: Two years after he arrived, there was an outbreak of cholera. Thanks to the doc here not a single person died.","JEX: A minor infection we'd found a treatment for centuries ago.","ISSAC: No, no, no. What do you call them? The lectricks?","JEX: Using my ship as a generator, I was able to rig up some rudimentary heating and lighting for the town.","DOCTOR: (leans forward) So why does the Gunslinger want you?","ISSAC: It don't matter.","DOCTOR: I'm just saying, if we knew...","ISSAC: America's a land of second chances. We called this town Mercy for a reason. Others... Some round here don't feel that way.","JEX: Now, Isaac, we've discussed this.","ISSAC: People whose lives you saved are suddenly saying we should hand you over.","JEX: They're scared, that's all. You can hardly blame them.","ISSAC: Them being scared, scares me. War only ended five years back. That old violence is still under the surface. We give up Doc Jex, then we're handing the keys of the town over to chaos.","DOCTOR: Did you try to repair your craft? Surely someone with your skills...","JEX: It really was very badly damaged.","DOCTOR: (stands) We evacuate the town. Our ship's just over the hills. Room for everyone. (sits on desk) I'll pop out, bring it back here. Robert's your uncle.","AMY: Really? Simple as that? No crazy schemes? No negotiations?","DOCTOR: I've matured. I'm 1,200 years old now. Plus, I don't want to miss \"The Archers\". (stands, picks up Stetson and heads for door)","AMY: Oh, so you're not even a tiny bit curious?","DOCTOR: Why would I be curious? It's a mysterious space cowboy assassin. Curious? Of course I'm not curious. (steps outside)","ISSAC: Son? (DOCTOR comes back) You've still got to get past the Gunslinger. How you going to do that?","DOCTOR: (puts on Stetson) With a little sleight of hand.","The DOCTOR steps outside. RORY and AMY just look at each other.","EXT. DESERT, DAY","RORY and ISSAC are running across the desert, ISSAC is wearing JEX'S coat and hat.","ISSAC: You OK?","RORY: Yeah, fine. Yeah. Keep moving.","ISSAC: Next time... you get to wear Jex's clothes.","From an opposite ridge, the GUNSLINGER watches. He zooms in on ISSAC, but when RORY gets in the way, his computer registers 87% chance of injury to innocent and to disengage. He lowers his weapon.","EXT. TOWN, DAY","The DOCTOR walks up to the PREACHER who is at a hitching post with his horse.","DOCTOR: Can I borrow your horse, please? It's official Marshall business. (mounts horse)","PREACHER: He's called Joshua. It's from the Bible. It means \"The Deliverer.\"","The horse neighs.","DOCTOR: No, he isn't.","PREACHER: What?","DOCTOR: I speak horse. He's called Susan. And he wants you to respect his life choices.","The DOCTOR and SUSAN gallop out of town.","EXT. DESERT, DAY","RORY and ISSAC are making their way along the base of a ridge when the ground between them explodes from a gunshot.","RORY: I, uh... I think he's seen us.","ISSAC takes RORY by the arm.","ISSAC: This way.","INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY","JEX looks out the window while AMY sits on the desk.","AMY: When this is all done, do you want us to take you home?","JEX: Thank you, but I have already given everything I have to the Kahler. My skills, my energy... all that was good in me. But here... I could start afresh. I could remember myself and help people. That's all I ever wanted to do. End suffering.","AMY: (stands) Here. (puts his jacket over his shoulders)","JEX: You're a mother, aren't you?","AMY: How did you know?","JEX: There's kindness in your eyes. And sadness. But a ferocity too.","AMY: It wasn't exactly straightforward.","JEX: It seldom is.","AMY: And what about you? Are you a father?","JEX: Yes. In a way, I suppose I am.","EXT. DESERT, DAY","ISSAC and RORY take cover against the base of a rocky ledge.","ISSAC: So, we wait here till the Doctor comes to pick us up in your ship.","RORY: Yes, I know. I was there when we agreed it.","ISSAC: Yeah, I said that more for my benefit more than yours.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The DOCTOR is galloping along on SUSAN along a dirt road. He sees something that attracts his attention and slows the horse to a halt.","DOCTOR: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. (SUSAN neighs.) Yeah, I know we're in a hurry. I just want to check something out.","(dismounts) Two ticks. There's something niggling me. (SUSAN snorts) Yes. (goes down on his knees) Yes, it could be important. (SUSAN whinnies) Oi, don't swear.","The DOCTOR finds a hose running along the ground, holds it up in both hands and sniffs it. He then tugs it loose.","INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY","The lights flicker and JEX looks at one through his monocle.","EXT. DESERT, DAY","The DOCTOR drops the line and runs back to SUSAN.","INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY","JEX continues to look at the lights, a look of concern on his face.","EXT. DESERT, DAY","The DOCTOR follows the line to where it ends, sparking.","DOCTOR: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. (SUSAN snorts as he dismounts) Yes, I wear a Stetson now.","The DOCTOR goes up to the mound connected to the line and pulls off a tarp to reveal an ovoid. SUSAN snorts.","DOCTOR: Yes, good point, Susan. (examines capsule) Where IS the damage?","[SCENE_BREAK]","The GUNSLINGER walks to the edge of the ridge and looks down. ISSAC reaches out a hand to keep RORY pressed back against the wall so they won't be seen. The GUNSLINGER picks up their heat signatures and raises his gun to fire.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The DOCTOR climbs on top of the capsule where he knocks and taps on its surface proving it to be hollow inside. He jumps on it and even slaps it before taking out the sonic and using it on the top. This sets off alarms. The DOCTOR covers his ears as a door slides open.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The sound carries through the desert. The GUNSLINGER hears it and lowers his arm before turning away. ISSAC and RORY lean out to make sure he's gone before leaving in the opposite direction.","INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY","AMY opens the main doors and steps out followed by JEX.","EXT. TOWN, DAY","AMY and JEX stand on the porch and look out into the desert.","JEX: That's the alarm on my ship!","AMY: Maybe the Doctor wants to get it working again.","JEX: But that wasn't the plan. He's not following the plan.","AMY: Welcome to my world.","JEX goes back inside and AMY stays on the porch.","EXT. DESERT, DAY","With a groan, the DOCTOR drops into the capsule.","INT. CAPSULE, DAY","The DOCTOR falls into the seat as the computer announces his presence.","COMPUTER: Security breach. You have ten seconds to enter the pass-code or this vehicle will self-destruct. (the DOCTOR uses the sonic on the panel) Thank you for choosing Abaraxas Security Software. Incinerating intruders for three centuries. Nine, eight, seven. (the sonic finally works) Self-destruct over-ridden.","DOCTOR: This is an awful lot of security for a titchy spacecraft...","COMPUTER: Awaiting command.","DOCTOR: Tell me everything you can about the Gunslinger.","COMPUTER: File not found. (DOCTOR groans) Please choose from - Technical Specifications, Flight Recorder, Personal Files, Maps and Charts.","DOCTOR: Personal files of Doctor Kahler-Jex.","JEX'S face appears on screen along with scrolling text.","JEX: (on computer) Names of deceased subjects can be found on the drop-down menu.","The DOCTOR absorbs the files that include people screaming in pain and agony.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY","AMY enters the office, closing the doors. When she turns, JEX cocks and aims a gun at her face.","JEX: I'm sorry, Amy. He really should have followed the plan.","EXT. DESERT, DAY","The DOCTOR stands in the entrance to the capsule. Behind him, the GUNSLINGER aims his gun to the DOCTOR'S head. As the weapon powers up, the DOCTOR ducks inside.","DOCTOR: Don't shoot, don't shoot! (comes out and faces GUNSLINGER) I know who you are! And who Jex is too! (GUNSLINGER lowers weapon) Now what I don't understand is why you haven't just walked into the town and killed him?","GUNSLINGER: People will get in the way.","DOCTOR: Look, you want justice, you deserve justice, but this isn't the way. We can put him on trial, we can...","GUNSLINGER: (raises weapon) When he starts killing YOUR people, you can use YOUR justice.","The DOCTOR eyes the gun nervously.","INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY","While keeping the gun trained on AMY, JEX fills his pockets with personal items from his cell.","JEX: Isaac says he doesn't care about my past. But things may have been uncovered that even he might struggle to forgive.","(moves to the door) So it's best we beat a hasty retreat.","AMY: We? I'm coming with you?","JEX: It's unlikely the Gunslinger will shoot if I'm with you. As far as I can tell, he's programmed to take innocent lives only if absolutely necessary.","AMY: Well, colour me reassured(!)","JEX backs out the door only to have a gun cocked and aimed at the back of his head. ISSAC and RORY force him back inside.","ISSAC: Doc, what are you doin'?","EXT. DESERT, DAY","The GUNSLINGER lowers his weapon.","GUNSLINGER: No more warning shots. I'll kill the next person to step over that line. Make sure it's Jex. (walks away)","INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY","JEX is standing in front of the wall, ISSAC, RORY and AMY facing him.","JEX: It was stupid of me, I realise that now. I just thought I'd put you all in enough danger, perhaps if I left...","DOCTOR: (enters and walks over to JEX) He's lying. Every word. Everything he says, it's... all... lies. This man is a murderer.","JEX: I am a scientist.","DOCTOR: Sit down. (JEX refuses) SIT DOWN! (JEX sits) Tell them what you are.","JEX: What am I? A war hero.","ISSAC: OK, somebody want to tell me what's going on?","DOCTOR: The Gunslinger is a cyborg.","ISSAC: A what?","DOCTOR: Half man, half machine. A weapon. Jex built it. He and his team took volunteers, told them they'd be selected for special training, then experimented on them, fused their bodies with weaponry and programmed them to kill!","ISSAC: OK, why? Why would you do that, doc?","JEX: We'd been at war for nine years. A war that had already decimated half of our planet. Our task was to bring peace, and we did. We built an army that routed the enemy and ended the war in less than a week. Do you want me to repent? To beg forgiveness for saving millions of lives?!","DOCTOR: And how many died screaming on the operating table before you had FOUND your advantage?!","JEX: War is another world. You cannot apply the politics of peace to what I did, to what any of us did.","The DOCTOR walks to the other side of the room by the cell, crosses his arms and leans against the wall.","RORY: But what happened then? How come you're here?","JEX: When the war ended, we had the cyborgs decommissioned. But one of them must have got its circuitry damaged in battle. It went offline and began hunting down the team that created it, until just two of us were left. We fled and our ships crashed here.","RORY looks over at the DOCTOR and reaches a hand out as if pleading for the DOCTOR to listen, to help. The DOCTOR ignores him and RORY turns back to the others.","RORY: So what do we do with Jex?","ISSAC: What do we do with him?!","RORY: Yeah, I mean he's a war criminal.","ISSAC: No, he's the guy that saved the town from cholera, the guy that gave us heat and light.","AMY: Look, Jex may be a criminal and yeah, kinda creepy...","JEX: And still in the room!","AMY: But I think we should put aside what he did and find another solution.","RORY: Another solution? It's him or us!","AMY: When did we start letting people get executed? Did I miss a memo? Doctor, tell him.","They all look at the DOCTOR.","DOCTOR: (looks up) Hmm? Yes. I don't know. Whatever Amy said. (looks out the window)","JEX: (polishes monocle) Looking at you, Doctor, is like looking into a mirror. Almost. There's rage there, like me. Guilt, like me. Solitude. Everything but the nerve to do what needs to be done. Thank the Gods my people weren't relying on you to save them...","The DOCTOR rushes at JEX in anger.","DOCTOR: No. NO! (grabs JEX and yanks him up) But these people are! (pushes him towards the door) OUT! OUT! OUT!","AMY and RORY make to follow the DOCTOR but ISSAC points at them in warning. RORY puts his hands up and they follow ISSAC. At the door, RORY stops AMY.","AMY: Oh, you're really letting him do this?","RORY: Save us all? Yeah, I really am.","RORY leaves and AMY follows.","EXT. TOWN, DAY","The DOCTOR shoves JEX through the town.","DOCTOR: MOVE!","JEX: No.","DOCTOR: MOVE!","The townsfolk follow as the DOCTOR and JEX head towards the boundary. The DOCTOR shoves JEX over the line and the man falls to the dirt. The DOCTOR walks back into town, but stops and grabs the gun out of a man's holster and aims it at JEX'S head as the doctor tries to cross back into the town. JEX raises his hands.","JEX: You wouldn't.","DOCTOR: (cocks hammer) I genuinely don't know...","ISSAC: Doctor. Doctor.","The DOCTOR whirls on ISSAC with his gun hand but it's AMY who fires a gun into the air. She lowers the gun to aim it at the DOCTOR. He lowers his gun.","AMY: Let him come back, Doctor!","DOCTOR: Or what? You won't shoot me, Amy!","AMY: How do you know?! Maybe I've changed. (cocks gun) You've clearly been taking stupid lessons since I saw you last. (waves gun around and accidentally shoots the ground) I didn't mean to do that! (does it again)","ISSAC: OK, everyone who isn't an American, drop your gun.","The DOCTOR walks over to AMY.","DOCTOR: We could end this right now. We could save everyone RIGHT NOW!","AMY: This is not how we roll, and you know it. What's happened to you? When did killing someone become an option?","DOCTOR: Jex HAS to answer for his crimes.","AMY: And what then? You going to hunt down everyone who's made a gun, a bullet or a bomb?","DOCTOR: They keep coming back, don't you see? Every time I negotiate, I try to understand. Well, not today! No! Today I honour the victims first! His, the Master's, the Daleks', all the people who died because of MY MERCY!","AMY: See, this is what happens when you travel alone for too long. Well, listen to me, Doctor, we can't be like him. We have to be better than him.","DOCTOR: Amelia Pond... (sighs) Fine. Fine... (turns back) we think of something else. (hands gun back) But frankly, I'm betting on the Gunslinger. (holds out his hand to JEX and waves his fingers) Jex, move over the line. Now.","The GUNSLINGER is moving closer. He stops just behind JEX, gun raised to the back of his creator's head. JEX turns to face him and the GUNSLINGER'S computer recognizes JEX by his tattoo.","GUNSLINGER: Make peace with your gods.","JEX: Kahler-Tek, isn't it? I remember all your names, even now. Please. I'd never hurt anyone again. I'm even helping people here.","GUNSLINGER: Last chance. Make peace with your gods. (prepares to fire)","ISSAC: No! (pushes JEX)","ISSAC falls as he is shot. The DOCTOR rushes over and kneels beside the marshall, cradling his head.","DOCTOR: Isaac! Isaac, Isaac, it's OK, it's OK. It's OK, we can get you to Jex's surgery, he can save you.","ISSAC: (grips DOCTOR'S hand) Listen to me, you've got to stay, you've got to look after everyone.","DOCTOR: It won't come to that, Isaac.","ISSAC: Protect Jex. Protect my town. (gasps) You're both good men... You just forget it sometimes... (dies)","The DOCTOR removes his hand from ISSAC'S to find the Marshall's badge. He pins it on to his lapel and stands. The townsfolk stand around in shock.","DOCTOR: Take Jex to his cell. If anything happens to him, you'll have me to answer to.","JEX is \"escorted\" away and the DOCTOR faces the GUNSLINGER.","DOCTOR: This has gone on long enough.","GUNSLINGER: You are right. (aims gun at DOCTOR) You've got until noon tomorrow. Give him to me, or I'll kill you all.","The GUNSLINGER turns and teleports away. The DOCTOR sighs before turning to face the town.","AMY: Oh, my God, you're the marshall.","DOCTOR: Yeah. And you're the deputy.","EXT. TOWN, NIGHT","The streets are empty and the streetlamps spark.","INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, NIGHT","JEX is standing in the cell and the DOCTOR is sitting just outside, watching him. RORY and AMY are at the desk. There is a knock on the door.","DOCTOR: Come in!","The PREACHER enters and removes his hat.","PREACHER: (greets them) Marshall... Ma'am. Fella. You need to come outside.","DOCTOR: Why, what's wrong?","PREACHER: Just come outside. And you should put that on. (motions to holster hanging on a hook)","The DOCTOR stands as do AMY and RORY. The DOCTOR looks at the holstered gun.","EXT. TOWN, NIGHT","The PREACHER exits onto the porch first, followed by the DOCTOR. A group of townsfolk are standing in the street including the YOUNG MAN and the BARTENDER. The DOCTOR hooks his thumbs over his belt.","DOCTOR: What's going on?","YOUNG MAN: (nervously) He in there? Leave the keys and take a walk. Time you get back, this'll all be done.","DOCTOR: I promised Isaac I'd protect him.","YOUNG MAN: Protecting him got Isaac dead. Tomorrow it's going to get us all dead.","MAN: We thought Isaac was right to fight. But it's different now. We've got to say, \"All right, we lost,\" and give that thing what it wants.","The DOCTOR walks to the edge of the porch as the MAN talks.","BARTENDER: What it wants is to kill our friend.","YOUNG MAN: Look, we don't got ill feelin' toward the doc, we just thinkin''bout our families. Hand him over and we all safe again.","DOCTOR: You know I can't do that.","YOUNG MAN: Then we got us a problem. (pushes back coat to expose holster)","The DOCTOR lifts the corner of his jacket to show his gun.","DOCTOR: Please don't do this.","YOUNG MAN: Why? Reckon you quicker than me?","DOCTOR: Almost certainly not. But this - lynch mobs, the town turning against itself - this is everything Isaac didn't want. (YOUNG MAN draws his gun) How old are you?","YOUNG MAN: Nearly 19.","DOCTOR: That's 18 then. (slowly goes down steps) Too young to have fought in the war, so I'm guessing you've never shot anyone before, have you?","YOUNG MAN: (cocks hammer) First time for everything.","DOCTOR: But that's how all this started. Jex turned someone into a weapon. Now that same story is going to make you a killer too. Don't you see? Violence doesn't end violence, it extends it. I don't think you want to do this. I don't think you want to become that man.","YOUNG MAN: There's kids here.","DOCTOR: I know, who I can save, if you'll let me.","YOUNG MAN: He really worth the risk?","DOCTOR: I don't know. But you are.","The YOUNG MAN lowers his revolver and walks away, followed by most of the men. The rest of the population drifts off in different directions. The DOCTOR shudders before looking up at AMY and RORY.","DOCTOR: Frightened people. Give me a Dalek any day. (grins and walks past AMY and RORY)","INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, NIGHT","The DOCTOR enters and looks at JEX in his cell. He then puts his right leg up on the rail to untie the holster. The UNDERTAKER enters with a steaming cup.","UNDERTAKER: Fresh coffee, Marshall. For what it's worth, I know you're going to save us. Isaac made you Marshall for a reason, and if you're good enough for him, you're good enough for me. Reckon you should know that.","DOCTOR: (toasts with the cup) Thank you. (sips coffee before setting down cup and leaning on railing)","The UNDERTAKER takes out his tape and holds it to the DOCTOR'S shoulder. The DOCTOR turns his head.","DOCTOR: Oi! Get out of it!","The UNDERTAKER leaves. The DOCTOR removes the Stetson and rubs his forehead.","JEX: Let me guess. The good folk of Mercy wanted me to take a little stroll into the desert. You could turn a blind eye. No-one would blame you. You'd be a hero.","DOCTOR: But I can't, can I?! (walks towards cell) Because then Isaac's death would mean nothing! Just another casualty in your endless, bloody war! (JEX lies down on the bunk) Do you want me to hand you over?! Is that what you want?! Do you even know?!(turns away in frustration)","JEX: You think I'm unaffected by what I did? That I don't hear them screaming every time I close my eyes? (props himself up on one arm) It would be so much simpler if I was just one thing, wouldn't it? The mad scientist who made that killing machine, or the physician who has dedicated his life to serving this town. The fact that I'm both bewilders you.","DOCTOR: (walks back) Oh, I know exactly what you are. And I see this reformation for what it really is. You committed an atrocity and chose this as your punishment. (paces) Don't get me wrong, good choice. Civilised hours, lots of adulation, nice weather. But, BUT, justice doesn't work like that. You don't get to decide when and how your debt is paid! (sighs and leans against the wall, back to the cell)","JEX: (sits up) In my culture, we believe that when you die your spirit has to climb a mountain, carrying the souls of everyone you wronged in your lifetime. Imagine the weight I will have to lift. (the DOCTOR turns around) The monsters I created, the people they killed. (the DOCTOR walks towards the cell) Isaac. He was my friend. (walks to the bars) Now his soul will be in my arms, too. Can you see now why I fear death? You want to hand me over. There's no shame in that. But you won't. We all carry our prisons with us. Mine is my past, yours is your morality. (lies down on the bunk)","DOCTOR: \"We all carry our prisons with us.\" Ha...","EXT. TOWN, DAY","The DOCTOR stands alone in the center of town right in front of the bank. He cracks his neck as the clock moves closer to noon.","INT. CHURCH, DAY","The PREACHER kneels in front of the altar with a group of parishioners.","PREACHER: Help me. Help me to...","The parishioners pray quietly, including a little girl.","EXT. TOWN, DAY","The DOCTOR remains alone.","INT. SALOON, DAY","The bartender wipes down the bar as she watches the street outside.","INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY","AMY looks at the clock as JEX sits on the bunk in his cell. They hear the loud displacement of air that heralds the arrival of the GUNSLINGER. JEX stands and grips the bars of the cell door and AMY turns to the door.","EXT. TOWN, DAY","The GUNSLINGER arrives and steps over the boundary the moment the bell tolls noon. They take up the classic \"showdown\" positions and the DOCTOR'S hand twitches by his gun. The bell finishes tolling the hour and the GUNSLINGER raises his arm with a grunt. The DOCTOR raises the sonic screwdriver high above his head. The GUNSLINGER groans in pain and windows are blown out. The GUNSLINGER shoots wildly and the DOCTOR runs for cover. The GUNSLINGER looks around for his target.","INT. MARSHALL'S OFFICE, DAY","AMY walks towards the cell, key in hand.","AMY: Ready?","AMY unlocks the cell and let JEX out.","EXT. TOWN, DAY","RORY and the YOUNG MAN are standing by one of the buildings. They each have a copy of JEX'S tattoo painted on their faces.","RORY: Ready?","The YOUNG MAN nods and runs off.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The GUNSLINGER strides through the town and sees a figure running through the shadows. He zooms in on the face and sees the tattoo. He raises his gun.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In another section of town, JEX sneaks down the street.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The GUNSLINGER zooms in on a figure as it dodges behind a building.","[SCENE_BREAK]","JEX uses the distraction to make his way out of town.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The GUNSLINGER sees a figure on a balcony but the computer gives him an \"Error: Invalid Visual Match\" in regards to the tattoo.","GUNSLINGER: Disengage. It's a trick.","INT. CHURCH, DAY","The LITTLE GIRL gets up and watches as the GUNSLINGER walks past.","PREACHER: (prays) Save us, oh, Lord.","The LITTLE GIRL backs into a table and knocks over some books. The GUNSLINGER halts. The PREACHER goes over to the girl and hugs her protectively. The GUNSLINGER blasts down the doors and the parishioners scream.","INT. SALOON, DAY","The DOCTOR is in the saloon getting the tattoo painted on his face. He and the bartender turn at the sound of the explosion.","EXT. TOWN, DAY","JEX stops and turns around.","INT. CHURCH, DAY","The GUNSLINGER scans the faces of everyone in the church.","EXT. TOWN, DAY","JEX hesitates and the DOCTOR runs out from the saloon.","DOCTOR: Go! Just GO! I can't save them while you're here.","The DOCTOR heads for the church as JEX runs into the desert.","INT. CHURCH, DAY","The GUNSLINGER waves his gun, trying to get a read on the faces. With no one to match, he lowers his weapon and leaves.","EXT. DESERT, DAY","JEX runs through the desert to his capsule. He pulls off the tarp.","INT. CAPSULE, DAY","JEX hurriedly presses the keys","COMPUTER: Nine, eight, seven - self-destruct overridden.","EXT. TOWN, DAY","GUNSLINGER: Deactivate automatic targeting. Switch to manual.","He zooms in on the DOCTOR'S heat signature, He slowly walks over and aims his gun at the DOCTOR just as he peers around the corner. The DOCOTR stands, hands raised.","GUNSLINGER: Where is he?","DOCTOR: He's gone.","GUNSLINGER: WHERE?! ANSWER ME!","The DOCTOR backs into the street.","DOCTOR: Away from here. Look up. Any second now you'll see the vapour trail of his ship. This is their home, not the backdrop for your revenge! Look up. Go after him, take this battle away from...","There is loud radio feedback as JEX'S voice comes over speakers.","JEX: Kahler-Tek. Kahler-Tek.","GUNSLINGER: Jex...? Coward! Where are you?!","JEX: I'm in my ship.","DOCTOR: Jex, what are you doing? Just GO!","CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH -","- CUT TO:","INT. CAPSULE, DAY","JEX: Where are you from? Where on Kahler?","DOCTOR: Now? You're asking him this NOW?!","GUNSLINGER: Gabrean.","JEX: I know it. It's beautiful there. When this is over, will you go back?","GUNSLINGER: How can I? I am a monster now.","JEX: So am I.","DOCTOR: Just go! Finish this!","GUNSLINGER: I will find you. If I have to tear this universe apart, I will find you.","JEX: I don't doubt that. You'll chase me to another planet...And another race will be caught in the crossfire.","GUNSLINGER: THEN FACE ME!","JEX presses some more buttons.","COMPUTER: Countdown to self-destruct resumed.","GUNSLINGER: FACE ME!","JEX: No. You've killed enough. I'm ending the war for you, too.","COMPUTER: Countdown to self-destruct resumed.","DOCTOR: What's going on? That countdown! What's going ON! JEX!","JEX: Thank you, Doctor. But I have to face the souls of those I wronged. Perhaps they will be kind.","COMPUTER: Three, two, one. Zero.","In the capsule, JEX braces himself. The capsule explodes","EXT. TOWN, STREET, DAY","The DOCTOR and the GUNSLINGER turn their heads at the explosion and see smoke rise above the buildings. The DOCTOR looks at the GUNSLINGER who sighs and hangs his head.","GUNSLINGER: He behaved with honour at the end. Maybe more than me.","DOCTOR: We could take you back to your world. You could help with the reconstruction.","The GUNSLINGER starts to walk away. The DOCTOR follows.","GUNSLINGER: I will walk into the desert and self-destruct. I am a creature of war. I have no role to play during peace.","AMY and RORY join the DOCTOR and the townsfolk come out onto the street.","DOCTOR: Except maybe to protect it?","The GUNSLINGER stops.","LATER","The DOCTOR bursts from the saloon followed by AMY and RORY. The TARDIS is now in the middle of the street.","DOCTOR: OK, so, our next trip. You know all the monkeys and dogs they sent into space in the '50s and '60s? You'll never guess what really happened to them!","AMY: Erm... could we leave it a while? Our friends will start noticing that we're ageing faster than them.","DOCTOR: Another time! No worries! (claps hands)","AMY and RORY wave goodbye and step inside the TARDIS. The YOUNG MAN smiles at the DOCTOR and they share a small laugh. They then \"draw\" on each other and the DOCTOR shoots the YOUNG MAN. The YOUNG MAN taps the brim of his hat and the DOCTOR salutes him. He then enters the TARDIS and it dematerializes.","WOMAN: (V.O.) 'By the time the Gunslinger arrived, the people of Mercy were used to the strange and the impossible. Where he came from didn't matter. As a man once said, \"America is a land of second chances\". (the LITTLE GIRL crosses the boundary) Do I believe the story? I don't know. My great-grandmother must have been a little girl when he arrived. (the GUNSLINGER stands watch on the ridge) But next time you're in Mercy, ask someone why they don't have a Marshall or a Sheriff or policeman there. \"We got our own arrangement\", they'll say. Then they'll smile, like they got a secret. Like they got their own special angel watchin' out for them. Their very own angel who fell from the stars.'","The GUNSLINGER is wearing the Marshall's badge."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who","Episode Number":"07x03","Episode Title":"A Town Called Mercy","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_07x12.json","Recap":["Because Artie and Angie are blackmailing Clara, the Doctor decides to take the children to Hedgewick's World Of Wonders; however, it has long been abandoned since the Cyber-wars. Seeing strange insects, the Doctor decides to stay; at the same time, the Emperor of several galaxies has gone missing as well. Cybermites, the upgraded versions of Cybermats , graft a cybernetic piece to the Doctor's head, giving him a split personality, the Cyber-Planner; they agree to play chess to win complete dominance over their shared mind. The Cybermen, now faster and sleeker, capture Artie and Angie, putting them under their mind control. The Cyber-Planner makes the Doctor sacrifice his queen piece to free the children. The Doctor makes a half-bluff, getting a neural shock device, amplifying it, and frying the headpiece. Now free, the Doctor sees there's no way to stop the Cybermen unless they blow up the planet; Porridge, someone who worked with Wibbly to con customers, is revealed to be the missing Emperor. Porridge voice-activates a bomb, getting everyone and the TARDIS teleported to an imperial ship. Clara rejects an offer of marriage from Porridge and the Doctor returns everyone home."],"Transcript":["EXT MOONSCAPE","The TARDIS materializes on a rocky moonscape. An American flag is planted in the ground and the Earth hangs in the sky above. The door opens and the DOCTOR sticks his head out followed by CLARA, ANGIE and ARTIE. The DOCTOR steps out, arms out wide. The others follow a bit more slowly.","DOCTOR: Well, here we are. Hedgewick's World - the biggest and best amusement park there will ever be and we've got a golden ticket! (steps onto a rock) Eh, eh? Fun!","CLARA: Fun?","ANGIE: Your stupid box can't even get us to the right place. This is, like, a moon base or something.","The DOCTOR steps down from the rock and CLARA sits on a different one.","DOCTOR: It's not the moon.","ARTIE: Actually, I think it does look like the moon. Only dirtier.","DOCTOR: Hey, guys it's not the moon, OK? It's a Spacey Zoomer ride, or it was.","A door opens in one of the larger rocks and a MAN peers out.","MAN: Psst! 'Scuse I. I don't suppose you happen to be my lift off planet? Dave's Discount Interstellar Removals?","CLARA: 'Fraid not.","MAN: They were meant to be here six months ago. That's Dave for you, see, unreliable.","WOMAN: (O.C.) Stay where you are!","MAN: Oops. (ducks back inside)","A group of soldiers enter the ride area lead by a female OFFICER.","OFFICER: Throw down your weapons and identify yourselves.","CLARA stands in front of the children as the DOCTOR puts his hands up, holding a golden ticket.","DOCTOR: No. No weapons! Golden ticket! Spacey Zoomer? (bounces) Free ice cream?","OFFICER: Who are you? This planet is closed, by Imperial order.","DOCTOR: How's this? (holds out psychic paper)","OFFICER: Oh. Welcome, Proconsul. I wish they'd told us you were coming. Any news of the Emperor?","DOCTOR: Oh, the Emperor... No, no, none that you'd, er...","OFFICER: We pray for his return. If there is anything you need, my platoon is at your service.","DOCTOR: Right! Righty-oh. Well, carry on, Captain.","The DOCTOR salutes her and she returns it.","CAPTAIN: Platoon, let's move out. On the double. Two, three, four! Two, three, four! Two, three, four!","The soldiers jog away. The door opens and the MAN sticks his head out again.","MAN: Have they gone?","DOCTOR: Yes.","MAN: Uniforms give me the heebie-jeebies. Come on. They can't stop me being here, but they don't like it.","They follow the MAN to the doorway of the ride and pause when they see what's before them. The DOCTOR grins.","DOCTOR: Ha, ha! You see? I told you it was amazing. Well, it used to be.","They look out onto what was once a large amusement park though it is now derelict.","MAN: It closed down. Wish I'd known that before I landed here. But let me show you my collection. Come along, follow me, this way. This way in, come on. Welcome to my show...","ANGIE rolls her eyes as they follow after the MAN.","INT. WEBLEY'S, MAIN ROOM","The room is dark and slightly eerie. Steps lead down from the entrance into the room that is lined with wax replicas of different alien races. In the center are two worn couches that were once highly fashionable.","WEBLEY: Webley's World of Wonders. Miracles, marvels and more await you. I am impresario Webley.","ANGIE and ARTIE go down the steps into the main room and look around in wonder. The DOCTOR follows them. WEBLEY goes down the steps followed by CLARA.","WEBLEY: You see before you waxwork representations of the famous... and the infamous. Anybody here play chess?","The DOCTOR raises his hand.","WEBLEY: Perhaps you, young man?","ARTIE: Actually, I'm in my school chess club.","The DOCTOR sighs and lowers his hand.","WEBLEY: Ah, follow me.","WEBLEY takes them to another room.","INT. WEBLEY'S, CHESS ROOM","In the center of the room is a chess table with an empty chair on one side and a draped-covered figure on the other.","WEBLEY: Now, let me demonstrate to you all the wonder of the age, the miracle of modernity. We defeated them all, a thousand years ago. But now he's back, to destroy you. Behold! The enemy!","WEBLEY pulls the drape off with a flourish to reveal a CYBERMAN.","DOCTOR: Cyberman! Get down!","The DOCTOR pulls CLARA and the children down. The CYBERMAN raises its head.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Matt Smith Jenna-Louise Coleman","\"Nightmare in Silver\" By Neil Gaiman","PRODUCER Denise Paul","DIRECTOR Stephen Woolfendon","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. WEBLEY'S, CHESS ROOM","WEBLEY pops up from behind the CYBERMAN.","WEBLEY: No need to panic, my young friends. We all know there are no more living Cybermen. What you are seeing is a miracle - the 699th wonder of the universe. As displayed before the Imperial court, and only here to destroy you - at chess! Careful now. An empty shell. And yet it moves. How?","The DOCTOR examines the CYBERMAN as WEBLEY talks.","ANGIE: (sarcastic) Magic.","WEBLEY: That might well be, young lady. A single penny wins you five Imperial shillings if you can beat this empty shell at chess.","Two little bugs are on one of the dummies and watch everything. The DOCTOR leans on the table.","ARTIE: I haven't got a penny. But I've got a sandwich. (holds up the sandwich)","WEBLEY: All right, take a seat.","CLARA pulls out the chair and ARTIE sits.","WEBLEY: (opens panel underneath) It is free of all devices, and yet it has never been beaten. Would you like to make the first move, young man?","ARTIE moves a pawn and the CYBERMAN jerkily makes a move. ARTIE makes his second move.","DOCTOR: Oh, no, Artie. No, don't do that, it... It's a fool's mate.","The CYBERMAN checkmates ARTIE.","WEBLEY: (eats sandwich) If you can tell me how it works, I'll give you a silver penny.","ANGIE: I think... you do it with mirrors.","DOCTOR: Hmm, mirrors, clever girl. Well, let's see, hey? (examines workings) Low tech. It's a puppet, monofilament strings, which means the brains are in...","The DOCTOR pops open a panel to reveal a \"person of reduced stature\" inside with a remote control.","DOCTOR: Hello.","MAN: Hello. I'm the brains.","DOCTOR: Hello.","MAN: Give us a hand.","The DOCTOR helps the MAN get out from the box.","MAN: They call me Porridge. Ah, it's good to be out of that box.","WEBLEY: For you, Miss... (reaches behind ANGIE'S ear) an Imperial penny. (gives her the coin)","Leaning against the wall, the DOCTOR straightens when he sees bugs crawling on the wall opposite.","INT. WEBLEY'S, MAIN ROOM","They walk into the main room. WEBLEY removes a drape from over another CYBERMAN.","WEBLEY: I have not one but THREE Cybermen in my collection.","The DOCTOR scans it with the sonic. ANGIE sees a replica of a tall man dressed in robes and ermine.","ANGIE: Is that the king?","PORRIDGE: Emperor. Ludens Nimrod Kendrick, etc, etc, the 41st - defender of humanity, imperator of known space.","CLARA: He looks a bit full of himself.","PORRIDGE: (looks at CLARA) Don't say things like that about the Imperial family - you can end up on the run for the rest of your life.","ARTIE: They don't sound very nice.","PORRIDGE: Go on. If the kids want to ride the Spacey Zoomer, then I can operate the gravity console.","CLARA hugs ARTIE and walks out with him followed by PORRIDGE and the DOCTOR. ANGIE looks from the coin in her hand to the statue. ARTIE comes back for her.","ANGIE: Angie!","They leave the room.","INT. SPACEY ZOOMER RIDE","ANGIE and ARTIE are floating in the air as PORRIDGE and CLARA look on.","ARTIE: Whoa!","CLARA: (has camera phone out) Smile! Say, \"Spacey Zoomer!\"","ARTIE: We're flying!","DOCTOR: Having a good time?","The children laughed as they had fun in the air. PORRIDGE turns off the anti-gravity and the children fall gently back to the ground. CLARA and the DOCTOR walk over.","ARTIE: I think that was the most fun I've had in my whole life.","ANGIE: It was... OK.","The DOCTOR makes a face at ANGIE'S reaction and walks away, scanning the area.","ARTIE: Clara? I think outer space is actually very interesting.","CLARA: (heads for the TARDIS) Right, wonderful day out, Doctor, but it's time to get the kids home.","DOCTOR: Yeah. Um, no. Not actually ready to leave.","CLARA: Why not?","DOCTOR: I dunno. Reasons.","CLARA: What reasons?","DOCTOR: Insects. Funny insects. I should add them to my funny insect collection.","CLARA: You collect funny insects?","DOCTOR: Yeah, I'm starting to. Right now.","INT. WEBLEY'S, MAIN ROOM","ANGIE: How long do we have to stay here?","DOCTOR: Not long. Have a nap. I'll wake you when we're ready to leave. (leaves, turning off lights as he passes)","PORRIDGE: Comfy?","CLARA: Sleep well.","PORRIDGE: Good night.","CLARA and PORRIDGE leave the room. ARTIE sips his water and is setting it on a table by the couch when the DOCTOR re-enters. He is holding the sonic screwdriver under his face, the green light casting an eerie glow.","DOCTOR: Don't wander off. I'm not just saying, \"Don't wander off\" - I MEAN it. Otherwise you'll wander off, and the next thing you know, somebody's going to have to start rescuing somebody.","ANGIE: From what?","DOCTOR: Nothing. Nobody needs rescuing from anything. Don't wander off. Sweet dreams.","The DOCTOR leaves and the children settle onto the couches.","INT. WEBLEY'S, CHESS ROOM","WEBLEY enters the chess room and takes a bite of the sandwich as he puts the chess pieces back in place.","WEBLEY: Mmm. Mmm! Total takings for the day - one sandwich. Better than no sandwich, of course. Not as good as TWO sandwiches, or even a chicken...","The CYBERMAN'S hands grip WEBLEY'S wrists.","WEBLEY: That's a bit odd. (tries to pull hands free) That's not funny, give me my hands back.","Dozens of the small insects that had so intrigued the DOCTOR crawl out from the CYBERMAN'S and down his body and over to WEBLEY. WEBLEY jerks as he tries to escape and cries out.","CYBERMAN: Upgrade in progress!","INT. WEBLEY'S, MAIN ROOM","ANGIE is standing, trying to get reception on her phone.","ANGIE: I HATE the future. It's stupid. There's not even phone service. (sets phone on table) I'm out of here.","ARTIE: The Doctor said to not wander off.","ANGIE: He said that, and then he wandered off.","ANGIE and ARTIE do not see the bugs crawling all over her phone.","ARTIE: I don't think Clara would like that.","ANGIE: She's not our mum.","ARTIE: Don't leave me here.","ANGIE leaves not realizing that she and ARTIE have been under surveillance.","INT. TERMIAL","CLARA walks with PORRIDGE along disused tracks for what was either a ride or a form of transport around the park. The DOCTOR is ahead of them inspecting and scanning.","CLARA: Was this really the biggest amusement park in the universe?","PORRIDGE: Yeah. Hedgewick bought the planet cheap. It'd been trashed in the Cyber-Wars.","CLARA: Who were we fighting?","PORRIDGE: Cybermen. Technologically upgraded warriors. We couldn't win. Sometimes we fought to a draw, but then they'd upgrade themselves, fix their weaknesses and destroy us. It's hard to fight an enemy that uses your armies as spare parts.","CLARA: You beat them, though - beat them or you wouldn't be here. How?","They stop at the edge of the hangar and PORRIDGE points to the sky.","PORRIDGE: Look up there - that corner of the sky. What do you see?","There is a bright ring of light surrounding nothingness.","CLARA: Nothing. It's just black. No stars, no nothing.","PORRIDGE: Used to be the Tiberion Spiral Galaxy. A million star systems. A hundred million worlds. A billion trillion people. It's not there anymore. No more Tiberion galaxy. No more Cybermen. It was effective.","CLARA: It's horrible.","PORRIDGE: Yeah. I feel like a monster sometimes.","CLARA: Why?","PORRIDGE: Because instead of mourning a billion trillion dead people, I just feel sorry for the poor blighter who had to press the button and blow it all up.","The DOCTOR looks out onto the park through the empty shell of the piece he's examining.","DOCTOR: Clara! Did you tell Angie she could go to the barracks?","CLARA: You KNOW I didn't. She hasn't...","DOCTOR: She's just gone in there.","CLARA: Come on.","INT. BARRACKS","The CAPTAIN is walking with another woman, BEAUTY, who sets a dismantled piece of equipment down on a bench.","BEAUTY: I can't fix this.","CAPTAIN: It can't be broken. It's a solid state sub-ether ansible class communicator. Just run the diagnostics.","BEAUTY: There's nothing left to diagnose. It's not broken. It's empty. All the components have gone.","CAPTAIN: Well, you must have replacement parts. (turns away)","BEAUTY: Not enough to build a new one.","A bespectacled soldier, BRAINS, approaches the CAPTAIN.","BRAINS: Captain, the weather-controller is malfunctioning again. There's storms, heat waves, snow.","BEAUTY comes up behind the CAPTAIN and puts a hand on her shoulder, pointing to the doorway. ANGIE is standing there.","ANGIE: Hello. I'm bored!","CAPTAIN: Where's your big sister?","ANGIE: (walks into the room) Clara? She's not my sister. She's stupid. She's talking to Porridge.","CAPTAIN: She talks to her porridge?","ANGIE: Porridge. That little bloke.","The CAPTAIN'S smile falters and she puts an arm around ANGIE.","CAPTAIN: We need to have a chat. (takes ANGIE away from the others)","INT. WEBLEY'S, MAIN ROOM","ARTIE is alone in the dark surrounded by creepy statues. He sits up on the couch.","ARTIE: I'm not scared, if you're wondering. I just think I ought to turn the lights back on.","ARTIE gets up and walks cautiously over to the switch, looking nervously around him. He runs the last bit to the switch and turns on the light, smiling at the accomplishment. He doesn't see the CYBERMAN come up behind him and puts a hand over his mouth.","INT. BARRACKS","ANGIE is walking with the CAPTAIN, a mug in her hand.","CAPTAIN: So, tell me about the little bloke.","ANGIE: Well, you must have seen him.","CLARA and the DOCTOR enter the barracks and stride over to ANGIE.","CLARA: Angie, Angie!","ANGIE: She has to turn up and spoil everything! I wasn't doing anything! Why can't you just leave me alone?!","There is a crash as the doors burst open. Everyone turns to see a CYBERMAN standing in the doorway.","CAPTAIN: Cyberman!","The DOCTOR scans it with the sonic as the soldiers scramble for weapons and cover.","DOCTOR: Angie!","CAPTAIN: Attack formation!","The CYBERMAN moves forward with blurred speed. One of the soldiers goes to attack it bare-handed.","CAPTAIN: No!","The DOCTOR pulls CLARA to cover. One of the soldiers hands the CAPTAIN a gun as they take cover.","CAPTAIN: Attack formation - quickly!","They fire at the CYBERMAN. It is hit but the force barely knocks it.","CYBERMAN: Upgrade in progress!","The DOCTOR uses the sonic on the CYBERMAN.","CLARA: Angie!","The CYBERMAN moves so quickly, the others seem to stand still. It heads straight for ANGIE, picking her up and putting her over its shoulder. The girl screams. They are gone before anyone has turned around.","CLARA: Angie! (runs after ANGIE)","DOCTOR: Clara, Clara...! (grabs her hand and pulls her back)","CAPTAIN: That was a Cyberman! But they're extinct. (walks away from the DOCTOR and CLARA)","DOCTOR: Listen to me, I will get her back. (walks over to CAPTAIN) Captain, a word, please. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I take it your platoon doesn't do much fighting?","CAPTAIN: What do you expect?","CLARA: What?","CAPTAIN: We're a punishment platoon. It's why they sent us out here, so we can't get into trouble.","DOCTOR: Ah, right, right, well, OK. As Imperial Consul, (takes badge of rank off the CAPTAIN'S uniform and pins it on CLARA) I am putting Clara in charge. Clara, stay alive until I get back, and don't let anyone blow up this planet. (snaps his fingers and walks away)","CLARA: Is that something they're likely to do?","DOCTOR: (keeps walking) Get to somewhere defensible.","CLARA: Where are YOU going?","DOCTOR: (stops and turns around) I'm getting Angie, finding Artie and looking for funny insects. Stay alive. And you lot,","no blowing up this planet! (leaves)","INT. WEBLEY'S, CHESS ROOM","The CYBERMAN brings a kicking ANGIE into the room.","ANGIE: Put me down! I hate you!","It puts her down and she turns around to see WEBLEY and ARTIE standing motionless. WEBLEY looks to have metal encasing one side of his face - a la Phantom of the Opera - and ARTIE has a blinking implant attached to his head by his ear.","ANGIE: Artie? Artie, what's happening?","ARTIE: Please stand by. You will be upgraded.","ANGIE screams. WEBLEY raises a finger to his lips and we see his arm has been converted as well.","INT. BARRACKS","The CAPTAIN walks with CLARA as the soldiers unload cases of weapons.","CAPTAIN: Cyberiad class weaponry. I've taken it out of storage.","CLARA: Good. We need to find somewhere defensible. Where?","The CAPTAIN shows CLARA a large painted mural of the park and uses a pointer.","CAPTAIN: The beach, the Giant's Cauldron... Natty Longshoe's Comical Castle.","CLARA: Real castle? Drawbridge? Moat?","CAPTAIN: Yes. But comical.","CLARA: We'll go there.","CAPTAIN: Ma'am... My platoon can deal with one Cyberman. And there are protocols if we cannot immediately find and destroy it.","CLARA: Blowing-up-the-planet protocols?","CAPTAIN: Respectfully, ma'am...","CLARA: Somewhere defensible. No blowing up the planet.","PORRIDGE: (walks over) She's your commanding officer now, isn't she, Captain?","CAPTAIN: Yes... sir.","CLARA leaves.","PORRIDGE: You really saw a Cyberman?","CAPTAIN: We really did.","PORRIDGE: Have you reported it to the Imperium?","CAPTAIN: No communicators.","PORRIDGE: So you're going to do what she says. Right, let's all spend the night at Natty Longshoe's Comical Castle.","INT. WEBLEY'S, MAIN ROOM","The DOCTOR runs into the room to find the lights on and ARTIE missing.","DOCTOR: Artie?","The DOCTOR hurries down the stairs and sees one of the insects on a table by the couches. He leans over and talks into it.","DOCTOR: Firstly, if anybody's watching this, those children are under my protection. I'm coming to get them. And secondly... little metal machine... you are beautiful. (scans it with sonic before picking it up by the tail) Not even a Cybermat any more, eh? Cybermites? (sets it in his palm)","INT. WEBLEY'S, CHESS ROOM","The DOCTOR enters the room, holding the Cybermite in his hand. He sees the Cyberman is missing.","DOCTOR: (uses the sonic on the Cybermite) Now... there's a local transmat link open to your home. If I can just find the frequency...","The DOCTOR holds up the sonic and disappears in a flash of light.","INT. CYBERMEN BASE","The DOCTOR appears in the base.","DOCTOR: Hey, that really shouldn't have worked.","ANGIE: (O.C.) (monotone) Doctor, help us.","DOCTOR: Angie! Artie!","The DOCTOR runs over to the children and sees the implant. He scans them with the sonic. He then turns and sees WEBLEY.","DOCTOR: Webley?","WEBLEY: (walks out from the shadows) We needed children, but the children had stopped coming. You brought us children. Hail to you, the Doctor, saviour of the Cybermen! (salutes by putting his right hand to his chest)","EXT. CASTLE","CLARA, PORRIDGE and the soldiers approach the castle.","CLARA: What would the Empire do if they WERE alerted?","CAPTAIN: I told you - tell me to blow up the planet.","CLARA: After they got us off?","PORRIDGE: Captain, you want to take that one?","CAPTAIN: No, ma'am. Just blow the sucker up.","They come to a stop at the foot of the drawbridge.","CLARA: Drawbridge, moat - brilliant.","BRAINS: With respect, ma'am, we ought to be hunting the creature.","CLARA: (turns around) The only reason I'm still alive is because I do what the Doctor says. (walks up to BRAINS) Can you guarantee me you'd bring back my children alive and unharmed? (BRAINS shakes his head) I trust the Doctor.","CAPTAIN: You think he knows what he's doing?","CLARA: I'm not sure I'd go THAT far. (CLARA smiles and heads for the drawbridge)","INT. CYBERMEN BASE","The DOCTOR and WEBLEY stand on either side of a small table in the center of the room","WEBLEY: As the battle raged between humanity and the Cyberiad, the Cyber-Planners built a Valkyrie, to save critically damaged units and bring them here and, one by one, repair them.","DOCTOR: The people who vanished from the amusement park - they were spare parts for repairs.","WEBLEY: We've upgraded ourselves. The next model will be undefeatable.","DOCTOR: Nothing's undefeatable.","WEBLEY walks over to the children and the DOCTOR moves parallel to him and puts his hands protectively on them.","WEBLEY: We needed children to build a new Cyber-Planner. A child's brain, with its infinite potential, is perfect for our needs. But we no longer need the children. The Cybermites have been scanning YOUR brain, Doctor. It's quite remarkable. (walks towards the DOCTOR and he backs away)","DOCTOR: Also completely useless to you. Cybermen use human parts. I'm not human. You can't convert non-humans.","WEBLEY: Well, that was true a long time ago. But we've upgraded ourselves. Current Cyber units use almost any living components.","WEBLEY opens his hands to reveal Cybermites. He throws them at the DOCTOR. They crawl up him and into him. He cries out in pain as he is bent over backwards against the table as he is \"upgraded\". He stands up with a gasp when the process is done. He has metal webbed across the left side of his face.","DOCTOR: (deeper voice) Incorporated. Yes. (pats himself down) Unfamiliar pulmonary set-up. Nervous system hyperconductive. Remarkable brain processing speed. Ooh! Amazing!","The DOCTOR'S body jerks as we hear an electronic sound.","DOCTOR: (normal voice) Get out of my head!","INT. DOCTOR'S MIND","The DOCTOR'S mind is a neutral space with numerous equations and formulae floating around. The DOCTOR'S side is a warm brown and the CYBERDOCTOR'S side is a cold blue. The DOCTOR strides across the space to confront his \"unwanted guest\". Pictures of CLARA flash behind them.","DOCTOR: Stop rummaging in my mind!","CYBERDOCTOR: Just you try and stop me. Ooh, who's Clara? Why are you thinking about her so much?","DOCTOR: Enough!","CYBERDOCTOR: Fascinating. A complete mental block. Highly effective.","INT. CYBERMEN BASE","The CYBERDOCTOR whirls around.","CYBERDOCTOR: Relax, relax. If you just relax, you will find this a perfectly pleasant experience. You are being upgraded and incorporated into the Cyberiad as a Cyber-Planner.","DOCTOR: Get out of my head!","INT. DOCTOR'S MIND","DOCTOR: What is this place? A network? A hive? You're getting signals from every Cyberman everywhere. How many of you are there?","INT. CYBERMEN BASE","CYBERDOCTOR: Oh... this is brilliant! I'm so clever already, and now I'm a million times more clever. (spins across the room) And what a brain! Not a human brain, not even SLIGHTLY human. (leans against table) I mean, I'll have to completely rewrite the neural interface, but this is going to be the most efficient (leaps onto table, arms outstretched) Cyber-Planner! Not a great name, that, is it? I could call myself Mr Clever. So much raw data... Time Lords. There's information on the Time Lords in here! Oh, this is just dreamy!","INT. DOCTOR'S MIND","DOCTOR: Right, I'm allowing you access to memories on Time Lord regeneration.","Images of the DOCTOR'S past incarnations flash behind them.","CYBERDOCTOR: (claps hands) Fantastic!","DOCTOR: I could regenerate now. Big blast of regeneration energy, burn out any little Cyber widgets in my brain, along with everything you're connected to. Don't want to. You diss me up, who knows what we'll get next? But I can. (points at CYBERDOCTOR)","INT. CYBERMEN BASE","CYBERDOCTOR: Stalemate, then. (strides across the room) One of us needs to control this head. We're too well-balanced.","The DOCTOR'S body jerks as he regains control.","DOCTOR: What did you say? No, no, no, I heard you. Rhetorical device to keep me thinking about it a bit more. Stalemate.","INT. DOCTOR'S MIND","CYBERDOCTOR: We each control 49.881% of this brain. 0.238 of the brain is still in the balance. Whoever gets this gets the whole thing.","DOCTOR: Do you play chess?","CYBERDOCTOR: The rules of chess are in my memory banks. You're proposing we play chess to end the stalemate?","DOCTOR: Winner takes all. Nobody can access that portion of the brain without winning the game.","The two shake hands.","INT. CYBERMEN BASE","CYBERDOCTOR: You can't win!","His body jerks.","DOCTOR: Try me.","His body jerks.","CYBERDOCTOR: You understand, when I DO win, the Cyberiad gets your brains and memories. All of it.","His body jerks.","DOCTOR: When I win, you get out of my head, you let the children go, and nobody dies. You got that? Nobody dies!","INT. POWER STATION, BASEMENT","A lone soldier, MISSY, is on patrol. She looks around nervously at every sound.","SOLDIER: (over radio) Castle's clear. Missy, confirm status.","MISSY: All clear in the power station.","MISSY hears a clanking sound and sees a shadow move up ahead. She moves forward cautiously and hides behind some barrels.","MISSY: It's Missy. Something's out there.","SOLDIER: (over radio) What do you mean? Is it the Cyberman?","MISSY: I don't know. I couldn't see it. It was only for a moment. Can I hide? Is it OK if I hide?","The CYBERMAN appears.","MISSY: (pulls her gun) DON'T MOVE! I'M IN THE ARMY!","The CYBERMAN advances and MISSY runs and hides. The CYBERMAN passes her hiding place. It stops and turns around. Its hand drops to the floor and crawls away. MISSY takes a few deep breaths. She turns and screams just before the CYBERMAN'S hand jumps to her face.","INT. CASTLE, GALLERY","CLARA is striding along the gallery above the courtyard when BRAINS finds her.","BRAINS: Erm, ma'am, Missy said she saw something, and then she went quiet.","Ahead of her are PORRIDGE and the CAPTAIN with some other soldiers. They have some weapons spread in front of them.","CLARA: It's on its way, then. Weapons! Show me. (squats) Only one gun?","CAPTAIN: Cybermen have been extinct for 1,000 years. Even one Anti-Cyber Gun is a miracle. These things are hand-pulsars. (slips it on like a glove) Touch the back of a Cyberman's head, the electromagnetic pulse deactivates it.","CLARA: What's this for? Just a mad guess here - it blows up the planet?","CAPTAIN: Implodes it. There's also a trigger unit. (holds up thin cylinder)","CLARA: I'll have that, then. (takes cylinder) Is there any other way to activate the bomb?","CAPTAIN: It's set to respond to MY voice. I have the verbal code.","CLARA: You will not activate it without a direct order from me.","The CAPTAIN stands and walks around to face CLARA who also stands.","CAPTAIN: I will follow my orders.","CLARA: Your orders come from me. Don't they?","The two women stare at each other.","BRAINS: You'll need to sign for that trigger unit, ma'am. (holds out clipboard)","CLARA: Thanks. (takes clipboard and signs)","PORRIDGE: (holds a hand pulsar) Mind if I take one of these? Might be handy.","CLARA looks over at him and smiles. The CAPTAIN is annoyed.","CAPTAIN: Help yourself. I'll teach you how to use it. Upstairs. Now.","PORRIDGE looks at her knowing that what is going to be said will not be good. The CAPTAIN leaves and he follows.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CYBERMEN BASE","A chess board has been set up on the table.","CYBERDOCTOR: There. That was easy.","DOCTOR: The game... has just started. (moves a white piece)","CYBERDOCTOR: Doctor... why is there no record of you anywhere in the databanks of the Cyberiad? (moves black knight) Oh. You're good. You've been eliminating yourself from history. You know, you could be reconstructed by the hole you've left.","DOCTOR: Good point. I'll do something about that. (moves white knight)","INT. DOCTOR'S MIND","CYBERDOCTOR: The rules of chess allow only a finite number of moves. And I can use other Cyber units as remote processors. You cannot possibly win.","DOCTOR: I can. I know things you don't. For example, did you know... very early versions of the Cyber operating system could be seriously scrambled by exposure to things, like gold or cleaning fluid? And what's interesting is, you're still running some of that code.","CYBERDOCTOR: Really? That's your secret weapon? Cleaning fluid?","INT. CYBERMEN BASE","DOCTOR: Nope. Gold. (slaps the gold ticket on his face) Ho-ho! Like a charm. Right, you, Cyber... Webley. And you, kid... things. I'll bring the chessboard. Let's get out of here. (sweeps the pieces into his arms)","INT. CASTLE, UPPER GALLERY","PORRIDGE looks at the pulsar on his hand.","PORRIDGE: You knew it was me.","CAPTAIN: I was in the Imperial Guard on Caspertine. Mostly just parades. But I had the honour to guard the old Emperor during the ice picnic.","They are being watched by a Cybermite.","PORRIDGE: When the snow bears came and danced for us. That was a day.","CAPTAIN: We're a punishment platoon. We can't beat a Cyberman. The Imperium has to know what's happening.","PORRIDGE: Like you said, the communicators are out. The only way you can report this now is to activate the bomb.","CAPTAIN: Yes!","PORRIDGE: And I forbid you to do that.","CLARA climbs the stairs and joins them.","CLARA: I don't get it. Why would you blow up a whole planet, and everybody on it, just to get rid of one Cyberman? (sits)","PORRIDGE: We tried other ways. But they only work sometimes. So now we take drastic action. And it works.","CAPTAIN: If you find a Cyberman and you can't destroy it immediately, you implode the planet. I was sent here because I didn't follow orders. I can make up for that.","The CAPTAIN turns around and PORRIDGE looks at CLARA. The CAPTAIN picks up the bomb and CLARA stands and confronts her.","CLARA: Put it down, I forbid you!","PORRIDGE: Yeah. What she said.","CAPTAIN: You ran away. I will do what I was brought up to do. Live for the Empire, fight for the Empire, die for the Empire. This is Captain Alice Ferrin, (pushes past CLARA) Imperial ID 19-delta-13B. Activate...","A beam fires right at the CAPTAIN and she falls dead.","PORRIDGE: Cyberman! Get down!","Two soldiers run over and check for a pulse.","EXT. CASTLE","The CYBERMAN looks up at the galleries from outside before walking away.","INT. CASTLE, HALLS","CLARA leads the soldiers through the castle.","CLARA: The Doctor said to get somewhere easily defensible. But if we stay in the castle, it'll pick us off one by one. We have to take it out.","One of the soldiers, a heavyset man known as HA-HA questions her.","HA-HA: Is that an order, ma'am?","CLARA: (walks back) Yes.","HA-HA: Good.","CLARA: You know what to do.","BRAINS: Pulse to the back of the head. Fry the brain circuit interface.","CLARA: It's going to be hard to get in close enough.","INT. WAREHOUSE","A female SOLDIER slowly walks the floor watching for Cybermen. She sees a head and goes to pick it up only to be attacked by the rest of the Cyberman as it comes up behind her. It lowers her to the ground before replacing its head. In a different area, a Cyberman lowers two soldiers to the floor and makes for HA-HA who is standing just outside the door.","HA-HA: I've heard about the Cybermen since I was in my cradle. I'm not afraid of you!","The Cyberman moves towards HA-HA.","CLARA: Now!","HA-HA jumps out of the way and CLARA fires the pulse rifle, disintegrating the Cyberman. Standing, HA-HA laughs. CLARA looks amazed. The two soldiers stand, cyber-implants at their left ears.","HA-HA: Hold it right there!","CLARA: What's happening to them? (prepares to fire again) One more step, and I fire!","HA-HA: Don't fire that. A pulse will deactivate them.","Two soldiers come up on either side of the first two and use the pulsars on them, knocking them unconscious.","HA-HA: And anyway... it's a waste of charge. We may need it again.","CLARA: You don't think that was the only one, then?","HA-HA shakes his head and they head back to the castle.","EXT. CASTLE","The DOCTOR is making his way to the castle. WEBLEY, ANGIE and ARTIE are following him. The soldiers surround him. He holds the chessboard in front of his face.","DOCTOR: Don't shoot, don't shoot! (lowers board) I'm nice! Please, don't shoot! (sees CLARA) Hey, Clara, you haven't let them blow up the planet. Good job.","CLARA: Did you get the kids? Are they all right? What's going on?","DOCTOR: Bit of a good news\/bad news\/good news again thing going on. So... Good news - I've kidnapped their Cyber-Planner, and right now I'm sort of in control of this Cyberman.","CLARA: Bad news?","DOCTOR: Bad news - the Cyber-Planner's in my head. And DIFFERENT bad news - the kids are... Well, it's complicated.","CLARA: Complicated how?","DOCTOR: Complicated, as in walking coma.","The DOCTOR hides behind the chessboard once again and ducks behind the children. CLARA hurries forward and looks at them both. She raises the gun.","CLARA: Please tell me you can wake them up.","DOCTOR: (sing-song) Hope so.","CLARA: Other good news?","DOCTOR: (backs away from CLARA) Well, in other good news, there are a few more repaired and reactivated Cybermen on the way. And the Cyber-Planner's installing a patch for the gold thing. No, wait, that isn't not good news, is it? Um, so... Good news - (holds chessboard over his head) I have a very good chance of winning my chess match.","CLARA: (lowers gun) What?","DOCTOR: I'll explain later. In a bit of a hurry. (starts up the drawbridge) Get me to a table. (stops and turns) And somebody tie me up! Need hands free for chess. (starts and turns around again) And immobilise me. Quickly. (runs into the castle)","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","The DOCTOR has set up the chessboard on a table in front of the throne. CLARA ties him to the chair, leaving his hands free. WEBLEY, ANGIE and ARTIE are standing on the floor facing him.","DOCTOR: Right, that's good. I won't be able to move, but... hands free. Good.","CLARA: You're playing chess with yourself?","DOCTOR: And winning.","The DOCTOR'S hand raises and rips off the golden ticket.","CYBERDOCTOR: Actually, he has no better than a 25% chance of winning at this stage in the game. Some very dodgy moves at the beginning. Hello, flesh-girl. Fantastic! I'm the Cyber-Planner.","CLARA: (walks around to face him) Doctor...?","CYBERDOCTOR: Afraid not. I'm working the mouth now. Allons-y! Oh, you should see the state of these neurons - he's had some cowboys in here. Ten complete re-jigs.","CLARA: You aren't the Doctor.","CYBERDOCTOR: No, but I know who YOU are. You're the impossible girl. Ooh, he's very interested in you.","CLARA: Why am I impossible?","CYBERDOCTOR: Hasn't he told you? The sly devil. Oh, dear me. Soon, we wake, we'll strip you down for spare parts, then build a spaceship and move on.","CLARA: More Cybermen?","CYBERDOCTOR: They're waking from their tomb right now. You can either die or live on as one of us.","CLARA: The Doctor will stop you.","CLARA hears a scratching sound and looks down at the DOCTOR'S right hand that is writing on a notepad. It reads \"Hit me\".","CYBERDOCTOR: He can't even access the lips.","CLARA slaps his face.","DOCTOR: Owwww! Ow! Oh, that hurt! No, stop! Enough! Bit of pain, neural surge - just what I needed. Thanks.","CLARA: Why am I the impossible girl?","DOCTOR: It's a thing in my head. I'll explain later.","CLARA: Chess game - stakes?","DOCTOR: If he wins, I give up my mind and he gets access to all my memories, along with knowledge of time travel. But if I win, he'll break his promises to get out of my head and then kill us anyway.","CLARA: That's not reassuring.","DOCTOR: No.","CLARA: Please tell me you can fix what happened to the children.","DOCTOR: Children. Yeah. They're fine. I mean, right now their brains are just in stand-by mode.","CLARA: That is not fine!","CYBERDOCTOR: Listen, right now, they have a better chance of getting out of this situation alive than you do.","CLARA: Which one of you said that?","CYBERDOCTOR: Me. Cyber-Planner. Mr Clever. Now, if you don't mind, I have a (pokes CLARA in the forehead) chess game to finish. And YOU have to die - pointlessly and very far from home. Toodle-oo.","CLARA leaves.","EXT. CASTLE, DRAWBRIDGE","CLARA walks through the main gate followed by BRAINS, holding the gun. PORRIDGE is with the soldiers on guard duty.","CLARA: Apparently there are more Cybermen on the way.","BRAINS: There's at least a dozen more shots left in the gun before it needs to recharge.","CLARA: We might have more than a dozen Cybermen to worry about. What's that cable?","PORRIDGE: Power line for the park.","CLARA: What'd happen if we dropped the end into the moat and turned it on?","HA-HA: (smiles) Fry anything that entered the water.","CLARA: Can Cybermen fly?","BRAINS: No, ma'am.","CLARA: First good news of the day. Do it.","They lower the cable into the water and turn on the power. It bursts with power on contact and continues to crackle. The soldiers retreat into the castle and raise the drawbridge.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","The chess match continues. The DOCTOR moves a white piece before he jerks back in the seat.","INT. DOCTOR'S MIND","DOCTOR: Stop that! I felt that.","CYBERDOCTOR: Of course you did. It's time to get up. Wakey wakey, boys and girls. Wakey wakey.","INT. TOMBS","The Cybermen awake and become active. They march out in the thousands.","INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD","CLARA, PORRIDGE and the soldiers set up a line of defense. CLARA rubs her hands in the chill and PORRIDGE hands her a cup of soup.","PORRIDGE: There. Get that in you. Warm you up.","CLARA: Oh, thank you, Porridge.","As CLARA raises the cups to her lips, the DOCTOR calls from inside.","DOCTOR: (O.C.) Oi, Clara!","CLARA: (lowers cup) I'll see what he wants. Call me if there's any change. (heads inside)","PORRIDGE: Right.","EXT. PARK","The Cybermen march towards the castle.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","The DOCTOR smiles when CLARA enters the room. She checks the children's responses by snapping her fingers in front of their faces.","DOCTOR: Hey! Clara, there you are. Now, quick rundown. What's our weapons strength?","CLARA: (walks over to the DOCTOR) One big gun, five of those hand pulsar units and a shiny black bomb that implodes the planet.","DOCTOR: Yeah, yeah, that one. Now, tell me, does it happen, possibly, to have a remote triggery thing?","CLARA pulls the trigger from her pocket and holds it up.","DOCTOR: Brilliant. Pass it here.","CLARA: No.","DOCTOR: Why not?","CLARA: In case you're not you right now. Or even if you are you, just in case.","DOCTOR: Oh, don't worry. The Cyber-Planner's hibernating between moves right now. Sssh.","CLARA: (leans over on table) Prove you're you. Tell me something only the Doctor knows.","DOCTOR: Clara... I suppose... I'm the only one who knows how I feel about you right now. How funny you are - so funny... and pretty. And the truth is, I'm starting to like you in a way that is more than just...","The DOCTOR leans in for a kiss and CLARA slaps him again.","DOCTOR: Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! It's me! That really hurt! How did you know that was him?!","CLARA: Because even if that WAS true - which it's obviously not - I know you that you would rather die than say it. Finish your stupid game!","CLARA swings her right arm at him and the DOCTOR'S left hand reaches out and grabs it.","CLARA: (tries to pull herself free) Doctor, let go.","DOCTOR: I can't. He's got control of the left arm. (tries to regain control of his arm) Aaargh! Aaaargh! No! No! (the trigger is smashed to pieces against the table) Aaargh! Aaargh! Aaargh!","CLARA: Doctor?","DOCTOR: He got what he wanted. He destroyed the trigger. My move.","CLARA: What do you mean, he got what he wanted?","CYBERDOCTOR: He means... good news, boys and girls! THEY'RE HEERE!","EXT. PARK","The Cybermen line the walkway from the main section of the park to the castle. There are thousands, possibly millions.","INT. CASTLE, UPPER GALLERY","CLARA leans against the wall having seen what they are up against.","CLARA: One gun, five hand pulsars and a planet-smashing bomb that doesn't work anymore.","BRAINS: Why not?","CLARA: Broken trigger unit.","BRAINS: But you signed for that.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","CYBERDOCTOR: I've learned so much from you, Doctor. It's been an education. But now it's time for the endgame. (Slams down chess pieces)","EXT. CASTLE","The Cybermen march on the castle, stopping at the moat. One steps into the water. Sparks fly from its body and it moves jerkily, bending over.","INT. CASTLE, UPPER GALLERY","CLARA and the others laugh when they see their plan working.","CLARA: Brilliant.","EXT. CASTLE","The CYBERMAN in the moat straightens.","CYBERMAN: Upgrade in progress.","The CYBERMAN continues to cross the moat and the others follow.","INT. CASTLE, UPPER GALLERY","CLARA and the others laugh when they see their plan working.","CLARA: Damn. (looks at the soldiers) Who's our best shot?","HA-HA: Probably it's me.","BRAINS hands the gun to CLARA who takes it over to HA-HA.","CLARA: Shoot any of them who make it across. The rest of you, take defensive positions. (the soldiers head off) Porridge?","PORRIDGE: Yes?","CLARA: Keep yourself safe.","As CLARA looks over the rail, PORRIDGE hurries away.","INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD","HA-HA and BEAUTY take up position across from the main gate. HA-HA fires as the first Cyberman comes through the door. They laugh. When more Cybermen make their way through the door, HA-HA and BEAUTY'S smiles fall.","INT. CASTLE, UPPER GALLERY","PORRIDGE covers the CAPTAIN'S body.","PORRIDGE: Alice Ferrin... you should have destroyed this planet when you had the chance. (picks up the bomb)","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","CYBERDOCTOR: They're nearly here. Now, you can take my bishop and keep limping on for a little longer. Or you can sacrifice your queen, and get the children back, but it's mate in five moves. And I get your mind.","INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD","HA-HA: Go!","HA-HA and BEAUTY run to a different position. The Cybermen shoot the other soldiers as they run for cover. HA-HA fires at another Cybermen blowing its head to smithereens.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","DOCTOR: Take my queen. And give me back the children. (moves the queen)","CYBERDOCTOR: Emotions! Can't you see what a foolish move that was? You've lost the game!","DOCTOR: Kids! Back! Now!","ANGIE and ARTIE fall to their knees. The CYBERDOCTOR takes the DOCTOR'S queen and kisses the piece.","INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD","HA-HA and BEAUTY run along the walls as they are fired upon.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","CYBERDOCTOR: Emotions, Doctor - all for two human children you barely know. And it was a pointless sacrifice anyway.","ANGIE stands and looks around.","INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD","HA-HA shoots another Cyberman.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","CYBERDOCTOR: So, Doctor... do you think the children's death will affect your relationship with Miss Clara?","PORRIDGE enters with the bomb.","INT. CASTLE, UPPER GALLERY","Cybermen chase CLARA and BRAINS, firing at them.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","WEBLEY turns to face the children.","WEBLEY: Welcome to Webley's World Of Wonders, children. Now presenting delights, delicacies... and death.","The CYBERDOCTOR hides a smile behind his hand.","ANGIE: Doctor!","PORRIDGE hurries over and applies his hand pulsar to WEBLEY'S leg. WEBLEY reflexively kicks PORRIDGE away and the man lands at the base of the table holding the chess board. WEBLEY'S cybernetics spark.","DOCTOR: Angie, are you, OK? Just look after Artie, OK?","ANGIE kneels beside her brother.","INT. CASTLE, GALLERY","BEAUTY is following a Cyberman, ready to hit it with her pulsar. Its head swivels around and she gasps in shock.","INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD","More Cybermen march through the main gate as CLARA, HA-HA and BRAINS are running across. HA-HA fires at the lead Cyberman, but it is only knocked back.","CYBERMAN: Upgrade in progress.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","WEBLEY turns to face the children.","DOCTOR: Your move. But before you take it, just so you know, sacrificing my queen was the best possible move I could have made. The Time Lords invented chess. It's our game. And if you don't avoid MY trap, it gives ME mate in three moves.","CYBERDOCTOR: How?","INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD","CLARA picks up a mace to use against the Cybermen.","HA-HA: I've got no charge left!","The Cybermen advance and the three back away.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","CYBERDOCTOR: How?","INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD","CLARA swings the mace at the lead Cyberman. It grabs the mace from her hand and throws it to the ground as it continues to advance.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","DOCTOR: Oh, come on. Call yourself a chess-playing robot?","CYBERDOCTOR: How?","INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD","CLARA and the others are backed towards the wall.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","DOCTOR: You figure it out!","INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD","CLARA and the others are backed towards the wall.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","DOCTOR: Or don't you have the processing power? Hmm? (twiddles bow tie)","INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD","CLARA and the others are pressed against the wall.","CYBERMAN: Please stand by - you will be upgraded. Welcome to the Cyberiad.","The Cybermen reach out their hands towards the three.","CYBERMAN: You will be upgraded. Welcome to the Cyberiad. You will be upgraded... You will be upgraded...","The Cybermen freeze, their hands a fraction away from touching human skin. CLARA, BRAINS and HA-HA laugh in relief.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","DOCTOR: What are you doing?","CYBERDOCTOR: Doctor. Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor! I'm pulling in extra processing power. Three million Cyberbrains are working on one tiny chess problem. How long do you think it's going to take us to solve it?","DOCTOR: That's cheating!","CYBERDOCTOR: No, no, no, no, no. Just pulling in the local resources.","INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD","CLARA, HA-HA and BRAINS duck under the frozen arms of the Cybermen.","CLARA: Woo-oo-oo.","CLARA backs away from the first line and nearly runs into the second line with a gasp. They run from the","courtyard.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","CYBERDOCTOR: There's no way you can get to mate in three moves.","DOCTOR: Three moves! Want to know what they are?","CYBERDOCTOR: You're lying!","DOCTOR: No! (reaches over and takes pulsar from PORRIDGE'S hand) Move one - (reaches into pocket and pulls out sonic) turn on sonic screwdriver. (turns on sonic) Move two - activate pulsar. (uses sonic on pulsar) Move three - amplify pulsar.","The DOCTOR slips the pulsar onto his right hand and lifts it towards his face. His left hand reaches across to stop the right, pushing it away.","DOCTOR: See ya. (puts pulsar to his face)","The DOCTOR'S body jerks as the energy runs through it.","CYBERDOCTOR: That's cheating!","The cybernetics on his face spark and he falls face-down onto the table. CLARA runs into the room followed by soldiers. The DOCTOR sits up, the cybernetics gone from his face. CLARA hurries to the DOCTOR.","DOCTOR: Just taking advantage of the local resources. (throws pulsar over his shoulder) Ah, hello. Can someone untie me, please?","CLARA: Do you think I'm pretty?","DOCTOR: No! You're too short and bossy, and your nose is all funny.","CLARA: Good enough. (unties the DOCTOR) What happened to the Cyber-Planner?","DOCTOR: Out of my head and redistributed across three million Cybermen. About to wake them up, kill us and start constructing a spaceship. (gets up and hurries to the bomb) We need to destroy this planet before they can get off it. OK. (scans bomb) It has a fallback voice activation.","PORRIDGE wakes and sits up.","HA-HA: The Captain. But she's dead.","ANGIE: I think you should ask Porridge.","CLARA: Why?","ANGIE: Well, he is the Emperor. I bet HE knows the activation codes.","PORRIDGE looks down at the floor. CLARA looks between PORRIDGE and ANGIE.","ANGIE: Oh, come on, it's obvious. He looks exactly like he does on the coin and on the waxwork, except they made him a bit taller, but... Look, am I the only one paying attention to ANYTHING around here?","CLARA: You are full of surprises. (turns to PORRIDGE) Porridge?","PORRIDGE: She's right.","CLARA: So you can save us?","PORRIDGE: We all die in the end. Does it matter how?","The DOCTOR sets the bomb in front of PORRIDGE.","BRAINS: What do we do?","PORRIDGE: I don't want to be Emperor. If I activate that bomb, it's all over.","DOCTOR: And if you don't, three million Cybermen will spread across the galaxy. Isn't that worth dying for?","PORRIDGE: Doctor...","DOCTOR: Three million Cybermen!","INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD","CLARA, HA-HA and BRAINS duck under the frozen arms of the Cybermen.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","PORRIDGE: The bomb, the throne, it's all connected. I just have to say, \"This is Emperor Ludens Nimrod Kendrick, called Longstaff the 41st, the defender of humanity, imperator of known space. Activate the Desolator.\" (the bomb activates) And it's done.","The DOCTOR scans the bomb with the sonic.","INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD","The Cybermen are on the march.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","PORRIDGE: It'll blow in about 80 seconds. Easily long enough for the Imperial Flagship to locate me from my identification, warp-jump into orbit, and transmat us to the State Room. (closes his eyes)","INT. SHIP, STATE ROOM","They are transported to the imperial spaceship. PORRIDGE stands on a multi-level dais. Behind him is a large window overlooking the planet. The DOCTOR, CLARA, ANGIE, ARTIE and the soldiers are on the floor. There are two techs standing at pedestals.","DOCTOR: (looks around) Oh, yeah! Nice ship. Bit big. Not blue enough. (steps onto the dais and talks with PORRIDGE) Listen, there is a large blue box at co-ordinates six ultra 19P. I need it transmatted up here right away.","PORRIDGE: Right. (looks at tech) Did you get that?","The tech nods.","INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM","The Cybermen enter the throne room and march towards the bomb. It is counting down from 13.","INT. SHIP, STATE ROOM","Everyone steps towards the window. CLARA has her arm around ARTIE'S shoulder.","PORRIDGE: And that's that. 76, 77, 78, 79...","The planet explodes and they are knocked around from the blast. ARTIE, ANGIE and CLARA sit on the steps of the dais.","PORRIDGE: Fairwell, Cyberiad. You know... it was GOOD to get away. Good to be a person and not to be lonely or Emperor of 1,000 galaxies, with everybody waiting for ME to tell them what to do.","ARTIE: Can't you run away again?","PORRIDGE: They'll be keeping a close eye on me this time. That's what happens when you're Emperor - loneliest job in the Universe.","CLARA: You don't have to be lonely.","Standing on the opposite side of the dais, the DOCTOR smiles at CLARA'S caring nature.","PORRIDGE: I don't. (faces CLARA gets down on one knee) Clara... will you marry me?","The DOCTOR is stunned by the question. CLARA doesn't believe it.","CLARA: What?","ARTIE: He said...","ANGIE: She heard what he said.","PORRIDGE: You're smart and you're beautiful, and I've never met anyone like you before. And being Emperor won't be as hard if you're by my side. And you'd rule 1,000 galaxies.","The DOCTOR leans over PORRIDGE'S shoulder.","DOCTOR: This sounds like an actual marriage proposal - tricky. Now, if you want my advice...","CLARA: You - not one word. This is between me and the... Emperor. Porridge, I...don't want to rule 1,000 galaxies.","Behind PORRIDGE'S back, the DOCTOR gives her a thumbs-up and a nod.","PORRIDGE: Yeah. Silly of me.","CLARA: I'm really sorry.","ANGIE: But that's stupid. You could be queen of the universe. How can you say no to that? When someone asks you if you want to be queen of the universe, you say, \"Yes.\" You watch. One day, I'LL be queen of the universe.","PORRIDGE smiles at ANGIE'S declaration.","PORRIDGE: (stands) Of course, I could have you all executed - which is what a proper Emperor would do.","DOCTOR: You're not actually going to do that, though, are you...?","PORRIDGE smiles and chuckles.","DOCTOR: (points at PORRIDGE) Oh, you're...! Hey?","PORRIDGE: Go on, get out of here, all of you, before I change my mind.","The DOCTOR heads for the TARDIS and the children follow. CLARA stands and salutes PORRIDGE before joining them. PORRIDGE sits on the second step of the dais.","INT. TARDIS","CLARA leans against the console as the children say good-bye to the DOCTOR.","ARTIE: (shakes the DOCTOR'S hand) Thank you for having me. It was very interesting.","DOCTOR: My pleasure. Thank you for coming. (to ANGIE) Now, I've got something for you. (runs around the console) It's not from me, it's from the TARDIS. Ah! New phone. (gives ANGIE a mobile)","ANGIE: Thanks!","DOCTOR: You're welcome.","ANGIE: Sorry I said this box was stupid. (shakes the DOCTOR'S hand before heading for the door)","DOCTOR: Bye! (waves)","ANGIE: Bye!","ARTIE: Thanks, Clara. Thanks, Clara's boyfriend.","The children wave good-bye and exit the TARDIS. CLARA walks over to stand beside the DOCTOR.","CLARA: Thank you, Doctor.","DOCTOR: For what?","CLARA: Kids' day out, getting us off the planet alive, whatever you were doing with the Cybermen...","The DOCTOR nods.","CLARA: Good night. (walks to the door) See you next Wednesday.","DOCTOR: Well... a Wednesday, definitely. Next Wednesday, last Wednesday... (CLARA leaves) one of the Wednesdays. Impossible girl. A mystery wrapped in an enigma squeezed into a skirt that's just a little bit too... tight.","The DOCTOR gets a dreamy looks on his face. He shakes it off.","DOCTOR: What are you?","The DOCTOR turns around and set the TARDIS in motion.","INT. SHIP, STATE ROOM","PORRIDGE sits on his throne on the dais.","PORRIDGE: Signs of any Cybertech remaining?","TECH: No, Majesty.","PORRIDGE: (twiddles thumbs) You ever wanted to be Emperor, Gloria?","GLORIA: No, Majesty.","PORRIDGE: That's the right answer. Come on. Let's go home.","SPACE","The space ship leaves the area. They do not see the Cybermite floating nearby."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who","Episode Number":"07x12","Episode Title":"Nightmare in Silver","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_08x07.json","Recap":["The Doctor takes Clara and her student Courtney on a trip. They arrive in 2049 on a Space Shuttle to the Moon with one hundred nuclear bombs . Noting the Moon's higher gravity and meeting Captain Lundvik, the Doctor questions her, where he's told that her team are on a suicide mission to blow up the Moon. A sudden mass high tide had threatened humanity's existence. Miners are found entombed in spider webs. The Doctor notices from the miners' photographs that the Moon is starting to break apart. A spider-like being attacks the group. The Doctor determines that the Moon is an egg, with the creature inside ready to hatch. The Doctor abandons them, forcing Lundvik, Clara, and Courtney to decide the fate of the creature. They let Earth's population decide; people of Earth vote to destroy the creature. Clara intervenes and stops the bombs' countdown, and the Doctor rescues them from the Moon. From Earth, they watch the creature hatch and the shell disintegrate, with the creature laying a new egg as a new Moon. Clara confronts the Doctor, claiming that it was his decision to make too. She leaves the Doctor, to be comforted by Danny."],"Transcript":["[ Moon 2049 ]","Clara: Hello! Hello! Hello, Earth. We have a terrible decision to make. It's an uncertain decision, and we don't have a lot of time. The man... who normally helps, he's gone. Maybe he's not coming back. In fact, I... I really don't think he is. We're on our own. So... an innocent life versus the future of all mankind. We have 45 minutes to decide.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ School ]","Clara: Courtney Woods. Doctor, she has gone crazy. She's uncontrollable. She took your psychic paper. She's been using it as fake ID.","The Doctor: To get into museums?","Clara: No, to buy White Lightning or alcopops or whatever.","The Doctor: I've no idea what you're talking about. What, what is Courtney Woods?","Clara: She's one of my year tens. She was in the TARDIS.","The Doctor: Doing what?","Clara: Throwing up.","The Doctor: Oh, her. Oh, that was ages ago.","Clara: Look, she says that you told her that she wasn't special.","The Doctor: Rubbish.","Clara: She says that's what sent her off the rails.","The Doctor: Pfph!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Closet ]","Clara: Doctor. I know, I know! But, you say something like that to somebody, it hurts. Especially if you're somebody of her age, especially if you're you. Doctor, it can affect her whole life.","The Doctor: Bah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ TARDIS ]","The Doctor: Oi! Give over!","Courtney: I got stuff to clean up with.","The Doctor: What?","Courtney: And I got these from the chemist.","The Doctor: Vortex manipulators?","Courtney: Travel sickness.","The Doctor: Good. Because I don't like people being sick in my TARDIS. No being sick. And no hanky-panky.","Clara: Doctor!","The Doctor: Sorry, that's the rules.","Clara: Look, Courtney, you're not going to be needing those because you're not going to be doing any travelling. Doctor, will you just, just tell her?","The Doctor: Tell her what?","Clara: Tell her that she's special.","The Doctor: Have you gone bananas?","Courtney: Do you really think I'm not special? You can't just take me away like that. It's like you kicked a big hole in in the side of my life. You really think it? I'm nothing? I'm not special?","The Doctor: [ quietly ] Pfft. God. [ normal ] How'd you like to be the first woman on the moon? Is that special enough for you?","Courtney: Yeah, all right.","The Doctor: OK. Now we can do something interesting.","Clara: Hey, Doctor!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Cargo bay ]","Courtney: This isn't the moon. Where are we?","The Doctor: On a recycled space shuttle. 2049, judging by that prototype version of the Bennett oscillator.","The Doctor: Where's the gravity coming from?","Clara: What are they?","The Doctor: About a hundred nuclear bombs.","[ BEEPING ]","The Doctor: Ah. We're on our way to the moon. [ BEEPING CONTINUES ] Check that. We're about to crash into it! Hold on! Hold on!","Clara: Why didn't you just tell her you didn't mean it?","Lundvik: Who the hell do you think you are?","The Doctor: Why have you got all these nuclear bombs?","Lundvik: I'm not going to give you another chance.","The Doctor: Oh? Well, you're just going to have to shoot us, then. Shoot the little girl first.","Courtney: What?","The Doctor: Yes. She doesn't want to stand there watching us getting shot, does she? She'll be terrified. Girl first, then her teacher, and then me. You'll have to spend a lot of time shooting me because I will keep on regenerating.","The Doctor: In fact, I'm not entirely sure that I won't keep on regenerating for ever.","Clara: Doctor, what are you doing?","The Doctor: Gravity test. So, it'll be very time-consuming and messy, and rather wasteful, because I think I might just possibly be able to help you. You see, I am a super-intelligent alien being who flies in time and space. Are you going to shoot me?","Lundvik: No.","The Doctor: Good. Why have you got all these nuclear bombs? No, no, no. Easier question. What's wrong with my yo-yo?","Clara: Doctor, it goes up and down.","The Doctor: Bingo.","Clara: Ah.","The Doctor: Ah ha. We should be bouncing about this cabin like little fluffy clouds. But we're not. What is the matter with the moon?","Lundvik: Nobody knows.","Clara: Do you know what's wrong with the moon?","The Doctor: It's put on weight.","Lundvik: How can the moon put on weight?","The Doctor: Oh, lots of ways. Gravity bombs, axis alignment systems, planet shellers.","Lundvik: So it's alien.","The Doctor: Must be causing chaos on Earth. The tides will be so high that they will drown whole cities.","Lundvik: Yeah.","The Doctor: So what are you doing about it?","The Doctor: This?","Lundvik: That's what you do with aliens, isn't it? Blow them up?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Moon ]","Courtney: Wow. Wow! One small thing for a thing. One enormous thing for a thingy thing.","Lundvik: So much for history.","Lundvik: There was a mining survey, Mexicans. Something happened up here. Nobody knows what. That's when the trouble began back on Earth. High tide everywhere at once. The greatest natural disaster in history.","Clara: Cobwebs?","Lundvik: Henry, go back and prime the bombs.","Henry: Er, is there any instructions?","Lundvik: There's a switch on each of them. The light goes red.","Henry: They won't go off?","Lundvik: No, not till I've fiddled with this thing.","[ HE SIGHS ]","Henry: OK.","Lundvik: Shall we?","The Doctor: Is that the best you could get?","Lundvik: Second-hand space shuttle, third-hand astronauts.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Module ]","The Doctor: How many people here?","Lundvik: Four. Minera Luna San Pedro. It was privately financed. They where doing a mineral survey up here.","The Doctor: Messages? Mayday? SOS?","Duke: Pretty much all the satellites had been whacked out of orbit. They managed to send back some screams.","The Doctor: So then you came up here to rescue them with your bombs?","Duke: Not quite.","Lundvik: They disappeared ten years ago.","The Doctor: Nobody came?","Lundvik: There was no shuttle.","The Doctor: You had one.","Lundvik: It was in a museum. They'd cut the back off it so kids could ride in it. We'd stopped going into space. Nobody cared. Not until","[ SCREAM ]","Clara: Courtney!","Clara: Oh, my God. Doctor, tell me there wasn't anyone inside that thing.","The Doctor: I could, but it wouldn't make it true.","Duke: I'll get some power back on.","Clara: Come on. Now, Courtney, come here. Don't look. You all right?","Courtney: I'm OK.","Clara: Hey. Look. Look at me. Look. It's all right if you're not.","Courtney: I'm fine. What did it?","The Doctor: Maybe something trying to find out how you're put together. Or maybe how you tasted.","Courtney: Do we have guns?","Lundvik: Not unless you brought some.","The Doctor: Chicken, apparently.","The Doctor: Save the air.","The Doctor: They didn't find anything.","Lundvik: Eh?","The Doctor: The Mexicans. They didn't find any minerals on the moon at all. Nada.","The Doctor: Oh.","Clara: Oh?","The Doctor: Lines of tectonic stress.","Lundvik: That's the Mare Fecunditatis. It's been there since the Apollo days. It's always been there.","The Doctor: No, no, no. These are much, much bigger. Sea of Tranquillity. Sea of Nectar. Sea of Ingenuity. Sea of Crises.","Clara: Meaning?","The Doctor: Meaning, Clara, that the moon, this little planetoid that's been tagging along beside you for a hundred million years, which gives you light at night and seas to sail on, is in the process of falling to bits.","[ RUMBLING ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Moon ]","Henry: Hello, Captain? Captain? Captain?","[ HE PANTS ]","Henry: Argh!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Module ]","[ HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEKING ]","Courtney: What the hell was that?","Lundvik: Duke, is that you?","Duke (O.C.): I don't sound anything like that.","Lundvik: Can you try and get the lights back on?","Duke (O.C.): That's what I'm doing.","The Doctor: Torch. Give me your torch. Whatever it is, it's in here.","[ SCUTTLING ]","The Doctor: I think we've found your alien.","[ IT SHRIEKS ]","The Doctor: Back, back, back! We need a door. A door, a door!","Clara: Here! Here! The door's locked.","The Doctor: Come on, come on! There's no power to work it. [ SHRIEKING ] Come on!","Clara: Doctor.","The Doctor: Stay still. It's sensing movement. It can't see you. Fast movement. There must be another exit through there. Slowly. [ SCUTTLING ] Slowly. Head to that exit. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly, slowly.","The Doctor: Gently, gently. When I say run, run.","Lundvik: Who made you the boss?","The Doctor: Well, you say run, then.","Lundvik: Duke!","Duke: Argh!","Lundvik: Duke!","The Doctor: Run! We have power. Run!","Clara: Quick, it's shutting.","Courtney: Miss!","Clara: Courtney! Courtney!","Courtney: Miss!","Clara: Courtney! The power's gone again.","Courtney: It's killed him. It's coming in here! Doctor, it's coming in here!","The Doctor: You'll be OK!","Lundvik: Henry? Henry?","The Doctor: Courtney, look at me. Look at me! Courtney!","The Doctor: Try and get to the door! Try and get yourself down here.","[ SIREN WAILS ]","The Doctor: Courtney, grab my yo-yo!","The Doctor: Courtney!","Clara: Courtney.","Courtney: Kills ninety nine percent of all known germs.","The Doctor: Good stuff, Courtney. Just don't try that at home, OK?","Clara: You all right?","Courtney: Why did I just fly? This is nuts.","The Doctor: Did you say germs? Oh, God, this is incredible. Look at the size of it. It's the size of a badger.","Clara: Doctor","The Doctor: It's a prokaryotic unicellular life form, with non-chromosomal DNA. Which, as you and me know. Well, not you and me. Well, you, certainly not. You and me, yes, scientists know, this is a germ. You flew because that one point three billion tonnes shifted. It moved. It's an unstable mass.","Courtney: I'm scared, Miss.","Clara: OK.","Lundvik: He'd just had a grand-daughter. Elina. She was his first. He was my teacher. He taught me how to fly. We were both given the sack on the same day.","The Doctor: Which way to the Mare Fecunditatis?","Courtney: Please can I go home now? I'm really. I'm really sorry, but I'd like to go home.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Moon ]","Lundvik: Henry, come in. If you don't mind, Henry, come in.","Clara: Doctor, this is dangerous now.","The Doctor: It was dangerous before. Everything's dangerous if you want it to be. Eating chips is dangerous. Crossing the road. It's no way to live your life. Tell her. You're supposed to be teaching her.","Clara: Look, I have a duty of care, OK? You know what that is?","The Doctor: Course I know what a duty of care is. What are you suggesting? She's fine. What are you, thirty five?","Courtney: Fifteen.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ TARDIS ]","The Doctor: Now, don't touch anything.","Courtney: You got any games?","The Doctor: Oh, don't be so stupid!","Courtney: Can I get reception up here?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Cargo bay ]","The Doctor: Get in.","Clara: Why are you shutting her in? We don't need to stay, do we?","The Doctor: Eh?","Clara: It's obvious, isn't it? The moon doesn't break up.","The Doctor: How do you know?","Clara: Because I've been in the future, and the moon is still there. I think. You know the moon is still there, right?","The Doctor: Maybe it isn't the moon. Maybe it's a hologram or a big painting, or a special effect. Maybe it's a completely different moon.","Clara: But you would know.","The Doctor: I would?","Clara: If the moon fell to bits in 2049, somebody would've mentioned it. It would have come up in conversation. So it doesn't break up. So the world doesn't end. So, let's just get in the TARDIS and go.","The Doctor: Clara, there are some moments in time that I simply can't see. Little eye-blinks. They don't look the same as other things. They're not clear. They're fuzzy, they're grey. Little moments in which big things are decided. And this is one of them. Just now, I can't tell what happens to the moon, because whatever happens to the moon hasn't been decided yet. And it's going to be decided here and now. Which very much sounds as though it's up to us.","Lundvik: Neither of you are going anywhere. I've lost my crew. We were the last astronauts. This is the last shuttle, these are the last nuclear bombs. We're the last chance for Earth, and you're staying to help me.","The Doctor: Decision made.","Clara: Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Moon ]","The Doctor: What is killing the moon?","Clara: How can the moon die, though?","The Doctor: Everything does, sooner or later.","Lundvik: Can we save it?","The Doctor: Depends what's killing it.","Lundvik: There are the other three.","Clara: Is it those germ things, then? Are they like cockroaches? Is it, is it an infestation?","Lundvik: Is it?","The Doctor: Well, I've only seen one of them. It would take an awful lot more to cause the moon to put on one point three billion tonnes.","The Doctor: Argh!","Clara: Doctor!","Lundvik: It's a vacuum. It won't work.","The Doctor: Well, that makes two.","Clara: Sunlight.","Lundvik: Sunlight?","Clara: If they're germs. My nan says it's the best disinfectant there is.","The Doctor: Shine your light down there.","Lundvik: Where have they come from?","The Doctor: Maybe they've been there all the time. It's warmish. They're multiplying, feeding, evolving.","Lundvik: Doctor, if the moon breaks up, it'll kill us all in about forty five minutes.","The Doctor: I agree. Unless something else is going on.","Lundvik: There's no water on the moon.","The Doctor: It's not water. It's amniotic fluid. The stuff that life comes from. I've got to go down there.","Lundvik: Doctor.","The Doctor: Back to your shuttle. Get your bombs ready. You, get to the TARDIS. Get safe. Get Courtney safe. I will be back.","Clara: What? No. Doctor. Doctor!","Clara: Doctor!","Lundvik: Will he?","[ SHE SIGHS ]","Lundvik: Will he be back?","Clara: If he says so, I suppose he will.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ TARDIS ]","Courtney: Miss? Come in.","Clara (O.C.): Courtney?","Courtney: I'm bored. When are you coming back?","Clara (O.C.): We're on our way. What you doing?","Courtney: Putting some pictures on Tumblr.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Moon ]","Clara: No! Courtney, don't put any photos on Tumblr.","Lundvik: My granny used to put things on Tumblr.","[ RUMBLING ]","[ THEY PANT ]","Lundvik: There he is.","Clara: Was that where we landed? [ RUMBLING ] It looks so different.","Lundvik: It's going down.","Clara: Courtney! Doctor!","Lundvik: We going to have to take cover. We're running out of oxygen.","Clara: Doctor!","[ RUMBLING ]","The Doctor: Today's the day, humankind.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Module ]","Clara: Where's the TARDIS?","The Doctor: She's in the shuttle, isn't she? She'll turn up.","Clara: Last time you said that, she turned up on the wrong side of the planet.","The Doctor: You two have never gotten on, have you?","Clara: Look, we need to know where Courtney is.","The Doctor: Courtney is safe. Och. Well, do you have her phone number?","Clara: No, no, no. Of course I don't have her phone number.","The Doctor: Well, what about the school? Does the secretary have her number?","Clara: I can't. The secretary hates me. She thinks I gave her a packet of TENA Lady for Secret Santa. Look. Courtney's posting stuff on Tumblr. Doesn't that know where you are?","Lundvik: I don't know. I'm not a historian.","The Doctor: Phone. I know what the problem is. Oh, she can't post that. She can't put pictures of me online.","Courtney (on screen): Yeah?","The Doctor: You can't put pictures of me online.","Clara: Are you OK?","Courtney (on screen): Er, I'm fine. What's up?","Lundvik: You said you know what the problem is.","The Doctor: Yes, yes. It's a rather big problem.","Clara: OK,.do you want to share it with the class?","The Doctor: Well, I had a little hypothesis. The seismic activity, the surface breaking up, the variable mass, the increase in gravity, the fluid. I scanned what's down there.","The Doctor: The moon isn't breaking apart. Well, actually, it is breaking apart, and rather quickly. We've got about an hour and a half. But that isn't the problem. It's not infested.","Courtney (on screen): What are they, then, those things?","The Doctor: Bacteria. Tiny, tiny bacteria living on something very, very big. Something that weighs about one point three billion tonnes. Something that's living. Something growing.","Clara: Growing?","The Doctor: That.","Courtney (on screen): That lives under the moon?","The Doctor: No.","Clara: What?","The Doctor: That doesn't live under the moon. That is the moon.","Lundvik: What the hell are you talking about?","The Doctor: The moon isn't breaking apart. The moon is hatching.","Clara: Huh?","The Doctor: The moon's an egg.","Clara: Has it, er, has it always been an egg?","The Doctor: Yes, for a hundred million years or so. Just, just growing. Just getting ready to be born.","Clara: OK. So the moon has never been the moon?","The Doctor: No, no, no, no. It's never been dead. It's just taking a long time to come alive.","Courtney (on screen): Is it a chicken?","The Doctor: No!","Courtney (on screen): Cos, for a chicken to have laid an egg that big","The Doctor: Courtney, don't spoil the moment.","Clara: Doctor, what is it?","The Doctor: I think that it's unique. I think that's the only one of its kind in the universe. I think that that is utterly beautiful.","Lundvik: How do we kill it?","Clara: Why'd you want to kill it?","Courtney (on screen): It's a little baby.","Lundvik: Doctor, how do we kill it?","The Doctor: Kill the moon?","The Doctor: Kill the moon. Well, you have about a hundred of the best man-made nuclear weapons, if they still work. If that's what you want to do.","Clara: Doctor, wait","Lundvik: Will that do it?","The Doctor: A hundred nuclear bombs set off right where we are, right on top of a living, vulnerable creature? It'll never feel the sun on its back.","Lundvik: And then what? Will the moon still break up? You said, you said we had an hour and a half?","The Doctor: Well, there'll be nothing to make it break up. There will be nothing trying to force its way out. The gravity of the little dead baby will pull all the pieces back together again. Of course, it won't be very pretty. You'd have an enormous corpse floating in the sky. You might have some very difficult conversations to have with your kids.","Lundvik: I don't have any kids.","Clara: Stop. Right, listen. This is a, this is a life. I mean, this must be the biggest life in the universe.","Courtney (on screen): It's not even been born.","Lundvik: It is killing people. It is destroying the Earth.","Clara: You cannot blame a baby for kicking.","Lundvik: Let me tell you something. You want to know what I took back from being in space? Look at the edge of the Earth. The atmosphere, that is paper thin. That is the only thing that saves us all from death. Everything else, the stars, the blackness. That's all dead. Sadly, that is the only life any of us will ever know.","Courtney (on screen): There's life here. There's life just next door.","Lundvik: Look, when you've grown up a bit, you'll realise that everything doesn't have to be nice. Some things are just bad. Anyway, you ran away. It's none of your business.","Courtney (on screen): Doctor, I want to come back.","Clara: Courtney, you'll be safer where you are.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ TARDIS ]","Courtney: Doctor, I'm sorry. I want to come back, OK? I want to help.","The Doctor (O.C.): Ah, there's some DVDs on the blue book shelf.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Module ]","The Doctor: Just stick one into the TARDIS console. That'll bring you to me.","Courtney (on screen): Right.","The Doctor: And make sure you hang on to the console, otherwise the TARDIS will leave you behind.","Clara: So what do we do? Doctor? Huh? Doctor, what do we do?","The Doctor: Nothing.","Clara: What?","The Doctor: We don't do anything. I'm sorry, Clara. I can't help you.","Clara: Of course you can help.","The Doctor: The Earth isn't my home. The moon's not my moon. Sorry.","Clara: Come on. Hey.","The Doctor: Listen, there are moments in every civilisation's history in which the whole path of that civilisation is decided. The whole future path. Whatever future humanity might have depends upon the choice that is made right here and right now. Now, you've got the tools to kill it. You made them. You brought them up here all on your own, with your own ingenuity. You don't need a Time Lord. Kill it. Or let it live. I can't make this decision for you.","Clara: Yeah, well, I can't make it.","The Doctor: Well, there's two of you here.","Clara: Well, yeah. A school teacher and an astronaut.","The Doctor: Who's better qualified?","Clara: I don't know! The President of America.","The Doctor: Oh, take something off his plate. He makes far too many decisions anyway.","Lundvik: She.","The Doctor: She. Sorry. She hasn't even been into space. She hasn't been to another planet. How would she even know what to do?","Clara: I am asking you for help.","The Doctor: Listen, we went to dinner in Berlin in 1937, right? We didn't nip out after pudding and kill Hitler. I've never killed Hitler. And you wouldn't expect me to kill Hitler. The future is no more malleable than the past.","Clara: OK, don't you do this to make some kind of point.","The Doctor: Sorry. Well, actually, no, I'm not sorry. It's time to take the stabilisers off your bike. It's your moon, womankind. It's your choice.","Clara: And you're just going to stand there?","The Doctor: Absolutely not.","Clara: Doctor?","The Doctor: A teenager, an astronaut and a schoolteacher.","Lundvik: Hang on a minute. We can get in there, can't we? You can sort it out with that thing.","The Doctor: No. Some decisions are too important not to make on your own.","Clara: Doctor. Doctor? Doctor!","Lundvik: Oh, what a prat.","[ THUDDING ]","[ SHRIEKING ]","[ RUMBLING ]","Lundvik: I'm going to detonate the bombs, agreed? Agreed?","Lundvik: Hang on tight, there's been a breach!","Clara: If we let it live, what would happen if the moon wasn't there?","Lundvik: Listen, we haven't got time for this.","Clara: We're discussing it! What would happen if the moon wasn't there?","Courtney: I have a physics book in my bag. There's this thing on gravity?","Lundvik: Super. Is there a word search?","Clara: OK, there would be no tides. But we'd survive that, right? They've knocked out the satellites. There's no internet, no mobiles. I'd be fine with that.","Lundvik: It's not going to just stop being there, because inside the moon, Miss, is a gigantic creature forcing its way out. And when it does, which is going to be pretty damn soon, there are going to be huge chunks of the moon heading right for us, like whatever killed the dinosaurs, only ten thousand times bigger.","Clara: But the moon isn't make of rock and stone, is it? It's made of eggshell.","Lundvik: Oh, God. OK, OK, fine. If, by some miracle, the shell isn't too thick, or if it disperses, or if it goes into orbit, whatever, there's still going to be a massive thing there, isn't there, that just popped out. And what the hell do you imagine that is?","Courtney: Loads of things lay eggs.","Lundvik: It's not a chicken.","Courtney: I'm not saying it's a chicken. I'm not completely stupid.","Lundvik: It's an exoparasite.","Courtney: A what?","Lundvik: Like a flea. Or a head louse.","Clara: I'm going to have to be a lot more certain than that if I'm going to kill a baby.","Lundvik: Oh, you want to talk about babies?. You've probably got babies down there now. You want to have babies?","Clara: Well, yeah.","Courtney: Mister Pink.","Clara: Shush!","Lundvik: OK. You imagine you've got children down there on Earth now, right? Grandchildren maybe. You want that thing to get out? Kill them all? You want today to be the day life on Earth stopped because you couldn't make an unfair decision? Listen, I don't want to do this. All my life I've dreamed about coming here. But this is how it has to end.","Courtney: Oi!","Lundvik: I've given us an hour. There's a cut-out here. If anyone has any bright ideas, or if he comes back, that stops it. But once it's pressed, it stays pressed.","Clara: And if he doesn't come back?","Lundvik: I didn't expect to survive anyway.","Courtney: He's going to come back, though, right? Isn't he, Miss?","Clara: Hey, why don't you call me Clara?","Courtney: I prefer Miss, Miss. We just need to make up our minds, that's all. Well, you know him.","Clara: I think he really might just be leaving it to us.","[ RADIO CRACKLES ]","McKean (O.C.): Can anybody hear me? Come in, please. Can anybody","Lundvik: Lundvik.","McKean (on screen): This is ground control.","Lundvik: Yeah, yeah, I can tell by your haircut. How are things down there?","McKean (on screen): Pretty bad. Yeah. Pretty bad. Listen, we're patched in to one of the TV satellites. We haven't got long. How are things up there?","Clara: Can we broadcast on this?","McKean (on screen): Who are you?","Clara: School trip. Can we broadcast on this?","McKean (on screen): Well, yes.","Clara: Hello, Earth. We have a terrible decision to make. It's an uncertain decision and we don't have a lot of time. [ SPIDERS SHRIEK ] We can kill this creature or we can let it live. We don't know what it's going to do, we don't know what's going to happen when it hatches. If it will hurt us, help us, or just leave us alone. We have to decide together. This is the last time we'll be able to speak to you, but you can send us a message. If you think we should kill the creature, turn your lights off. If you think we should take the chance, let it live, leave your lights on. We'll be able to see. Goodnight, Earth.","Clara: Was that OK?","Courtney: Yeah.","[ CRASHING ]","Clara: Come on. Let's see.","[ RUMBLING AND CRASHING ]","[ ALARM BEEPS ]","Courtney: Night, night.","Clara: Oh, Doctor, where have you gone?","Lundvik: We can't risk it all just to be nice.","Clara: OK.","Courtney: Miss?","Lundvik: Nine seconds.","Courtney: You can't!","Lundvik: Sorry, girls. See you on the other side. Two","Lundvik: Hey!","The Doctor: One, two, three, into the TARDIS.","Lundvik: What's happening?","The Doctor: Let's go and have a look, shall we?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ TARDIS ]","Lundvik: Bloody idiots. Bloody irresponsible idiots.","The Doctor: Mind your language, please, There are children present.","Lundvik: You should have left me there, let me die. I wanted to die up there with the universe in front of me, not being crushed to death on Earth.","The Doctor: Nobody's going to die.","Lundvik: Could you please let us see what's happening?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Beach ]","Courtney: What's it doing?","The Doctor: It's feeling the sun on itself. It's getting warm. The chick flies away and the eggshell disintegrates. Harmless.","Clara: Did you know?","The Doctor: You made your decision. Humanity made its choice.","Lundvik: No, we ignored humanity.","The Doctor: Well, there you go.","Lundvik: So what happens now, then? Tell me what happens now.","The Doctor: In the mid-twenty first century humankind starts creeping off into the stars, spreads its way through the galaxy to the very edges of the universe. And it endures till the end of time.","The Doctor: And it does all that because one day in the year 2049, when it had stopped thinking about going to the stars, something occurred that make it look up, not down. It looked out there into the blackness and it saw something beautiful, something wonderful, that for once it didn't want to destroy. And in that one moment, the whole course of history was changed. Not bad for a girl from Coal Hill School, and her teacher.","Courtney: Oh, my gosh. It laid a new egg. It's beautiful. Doctor, it's beautiful.","The Doctor: That's what we call a new moon.","Courtney: You can be the first woman on that.","The Doctor: I think that somebody deserves a thank you.","Lundvik: Yeah, probably. Thank you. Thank you for stopping me. Thank you for giving me the moon back.","The Doctor: OK, Captain. Well, you've got a whole new space programme to get together. NASA is er, it's that way. About two and a half thousand miles. You still got your vortex manipulators? I'll give you a run home.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ TARDIS ]","The Doctor: Not that it's any of my business, but I think you did the right thing.","Clara: Yeah, you're right. It's none of your business. Come on, Courtney, off you go. Double Geography.","Courtney: Can we do it again?","Clara: Go. Go, go. Chop chop.","[ DOOR CLOSES ]","[ TARDIS WHIRRS ]","Clara: Tell me what you knew.","The Doctor: Nothing. I told you, I've got grey areas.","Clara: Yeah. I noticed. Tell me what you knew, Doctor, or else I'll smack you so hard you'll regenerate.","The Doctor: I knew that eggs are not bombs. I know they don't usually destroy their nests. Essentially, what I knew was that you would always make the best choice. I had faith that you would always make the right choice.","Clara: Honestly, do you have music playing in your head when you say rubbish like that?","The Doctor: It wasn't my decision to make. I told you.","Clara: Well, why did you do it? Was it for Courtney, was that it?","The Doctor: Well, she really is something special now, isn't she? First woman on the moon, saved the Earth from itself, and, rather bizarrely, she becomes the President of the United States. She met this bloke called Blinovitch","Clara: Do you know what? Shut up! I am so sick of listening to you!","The Doctor: Well, I didn't do it for Courtney. I didn't know what was going to happen. Do you think I'm lying?","Clara: I don't know. I don't know. If you didn't do it for her, I mean. Do you know what? It was, it was cheap, it was pathetic. No, no, no. It was patronising. That was you patting us on the back, saying, you're big enough to go to the shops by yourself now. Go on, toddle along.","The Doctor: No, that was me allowing you to make a choice about your own future. That was me respecting you.","Clara: Oh, my God, really? Was it? Yeah, well, respected is not how I feel.","The Doctor: Right. OK. Er.","Clara: I nearly didn't press that button. I nearly got it wrong. That was you, my friend, making me scared. Making me feel like a bloody idiot.","The Doctor: Language.","Clara: Oh, don't you ever tell me to mind my language. Don't you ever tell me to take the stabilisers off my bike. And don't you dare lump me in with the rest of all the little humans that you think are so tiny and silly and predictable. You walk our Earth, Doctor, you breathe our air. You make us your friend, and that is your moon too. And you can damn well help us when we need it.","The Doctor: I was helping.","Clara: What, by clearing off?","The Doctor: Yes.","Clara: Yeah, well, clear off! Go on. You can clear off. Get back in your lonely, your lonely bloody TARDIS and you don't come back.","The Doctor: Clara. Clara.","Clara: You go away. OK? You go a long way away.","[ DOOR SLAMS ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Class ]","Danny: Hello.","Clara: Hey. Now then.","Danny: What've you been up to?","Clara: The usual.","Danny: It happened, didn't it?","Clara: Well, he was wrong, wasn't he? Wasn't he? Danny, what do you think?","Danny: I think I've seen this look before.","Clara: No, you haven't. This is new for me.","Danny: No, not on your face. On mine.","Clara: What did you do?","Danny: I left the army.","Clara: You loved the army.","Danny: Yep. And then one day I didn't.","Clara: I'm done, I'm done. I am finished with it. I am, I am, I'm done. It's over. I'm finished with him, and I told him that. What is that face for? Why don't you believe me?","Danny: Because you're still angry. You can never finish with anyone while they can still make you angry. Tell him when you're calm, and then tell me.","Clara: When did you get to become so wise?","Danny: Same way as anyone else. I had a really bad day."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who","Episode Number":"08x07","Episode Title":"Kill the Moon","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_01x04.json","Recap":["Barbara Wright and Ian Chesterton, two humble teachers during 1963, are surprised by a bright student named Susan Foreman. Feeling inquisitive of her upbringing, they seek out her residence to learn who nurtured such a genius. There, they discover a junkyard inhabited by her grandfather, simply known as \"the Doctor\", and he doesn't want them lurking about. When the teachers refuse to leave, they discover that an ordinary police box is actually bigger on the inside. The Doctor decides they know too much about his and Susan's otherworldly origins and takes them on a journey across space and time in his TARDIS, the place he and Susan now call home."],"Transcript":["Broadcast: 13 December 1963","Duration: 24 minutes 28 seconds","[SCENE_BREAK]","1: EXT. DESERT - NIGHT","IAN: Back! Get back!","(Several of the tribe rise from places of concealment, their spears ready...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","2: INT. MAIN CAVE - NIGHT","HORG: (Gazing into the night.) They are coming.","(All around him, the entire tribe is assembled. The DOCTOR, SUSAN, IAN, BARBARA and HUR are herded in, carrying ZA's stretcher. No sooner do they set it down than tribes-men seize the travellers from behind. BARBARA screams. HUR kneels by ZA's side.)","KAL: Za and the woman went with them. I, Kal, stopped them!","HUR: They saved Za from death near the stream!","KAL: They set them free from the Cave of Skulls and went with them!","HUR: (Shouting.) The old woman cut them free!!","KAL: (Looking down at ZA.) Za is so weak, a woman speaks for him.","HUR: (Jumps to her feet and confronts KAL.) It was the old woman!! She showed them a new way out of the Cave of Skulls!","KAL: The old woman does not speak. She does not say she did this, or did that. The old woman is dead. Za killed the old woman!","HUR: (Hearing the tribe's murmurs.) No!","KAL: Za killed the old woman with his knife!","HUR: No!","(KAL moves to ZA's side and pulls out his knife, holding it aloft.)","KAL: Here! Here is the knife he killed her with!!","(The DOCTOR leans over and takes a good look at the knife.)","DOCTOR: This knife has no blood on it.","(KAL looks alarmed at him but makes no answer.)","DOCTOR: I said, this knife has no blood on it!","(KAL is momentarily stuck for an answer, but...)","KAL: It is a bad knife.","(He throws it down on the ground.)","KAL: It does not show the things it does.","(The DOCTOR scoops the knife up and shakes it at KAL.)","DOCTOR: It is a finer knife than yours.","KAL: I, Kal, say that it is a bad knife.","DOCTOR: This knife can cut and stab. I have never seen a better knife.","KAL: (Stung.) Then I will show you one!","(He pulls out his own knife, which is still covered in the OLD MOTHERS' blood. The DOCTOR takes it smugly.)","DOCTOR: This knife shows what it has done. (Waves it around at the tribe.) There is blood on it!","(The tribe murmurs. The DOCTOR presents the bloody knife to a now sitting-up and recovering ZA.)","DOCTOR: Who killed the old woman?","ZA: I did not kill her...","DOCTOR: (Turning to face KAL.) You killed the old woman!","(KAL looks round with a mixture of fear and defiance.)","KAL: Yes! (The tribe gasps.) She set them free. She set them free. She did this - so I, Kal, killed her!","(The tribe sound angry. The DOCTOR addresses them loudly.)","DOCTOR: Is this your strong leader? One who kills your old women? Hmm? Huh?? He is a bad leader!! He will kill you all!! Hmm, oh!","(The tribe is plainly angered. The DOCTOR leans close to IAN and whispers.)","DOCTOR: Follow my example.","(He leans down, grabs a rock, and flings it at KAL.)","DOCTOR: Drive him out! Drive him out!!","IAN: (Grabbing a rock.) Yes, drive him out!! He killed the old woman!!","(IAN flings his rock at KAL. The unhappy tribe quickly grasp the idea, and starts seizing rocks from the ground and throwing them at KAL. With a howl of fury, KAL jumps at HUR, but gets intercepted and pushed back by a pair of tribesmen. He's thrown back by the missiles towards the cave's entrance. Finally, with the crowd's cries of \"Drive him out!\" ringing in his ears, he turns and runs out into the night. IAN watches the tribe disperse and then walks up to ZA.)","IAN: Remember...Kal is not stronger than the whole tribe.","(ZA nods, and shouts at the tribe.)","ZA: Kal is no longer one of this tribe. We will watch for him. We will all fight Kal if he comes back. We will watch for him. (He gestures towards the time travellers.) Take them to the Cave of Skulls.","(They are seized again.)","IAN: Take us back to the desert, and we will make fire for you.","ZA: (Turns to a caveman bearing a spear.) The great stone will close one place, and you will stand by another. I will show you.","DOCTOR: (To IAN.) Don't struggle!","(The travellers are thrown back into the Cave of Skulls. The great stone is rolled over the entrance.)","ZA: They are inside the cave. If you see them come out, kill them.","[SCENE_BREAK]","3: EXT. FOREST -- NIGHT","(KAL is alone, a freezing wind blowing. He gazes at the cave from behind a tree.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS","(The four travellers walk across the cave. SUSAN stumbles, hurting her ankle. As she cries softly, BARBARA helps her to one side.)","DOCTOR: This place is evil!","[SCENE_BREAK]","5: INT. MAIN CAVE","(ZA is lying against the stone wall of the cave, gently touching his chest scars. HUR sits beside him.)","ZA: Tell me what happened after I fought the beast in the forest.","HUR: You were stronger than the beast. It took away your axe in its head. You lay on the earth and I believed you were dead.","ZA: Tell me what they did.","HUR: The young man of their tribe came towards you, but...he did not kill.","HUR: He told me his name...","ZA: Name?","HUR: Yes. His name is \"Friend.\"","ZA: They come from the other side of the mountains...","HUR: (Scoffs.) Nothing lives there.","ZA: There are other tribes there! This new tribe must come from there. Tell me more of what happened.","HUR: I did not understand them...their...hands moved slowly and their faces were not fierce. It was like a mother guarding her baby...","ZA: (Nods.) Ah. They are a new tribe. Not like us, not like Kal. The young one whose name is Friend...spoke to me.","HUR: Do you remember it?","ZA: (Grunts in the affirmative.) He said, \"Kal is not stronger than the whole tribe.\"","HUR: (She shakes her head.) I do not understand...","ZA: (Seeing the point.) The whole tribe drove Kal away with the stones. The whole tribe can collect more fruit than one. The whole tribe can kill a beast where one of the tribe would die...","HUR: (Hesitantly.) Do you think they come from Orb?","ZA: No. They are a tribe who know how fire is made... (Angrily.) but they do not want to tell us.","HUR: Then you will not kill them?","ZA: Horg says the Leader must know how fire is made. I do not want to be driven into the forest like Kal...I must make fire, or they must die as the old men say. (Jumps to his feet along with HUR.) I will speak with them. I must hear more things to remember. The Leader would have things to remember.","(He walks resolutely toward the Cave of Skulls.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","6: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS","(The DOCTOR is looking at a skull. IAN and BARBARA are quickly gathering a group of sticks and twigs. SUSAN is scouring the cave, and finds a flat piece of rock that she eagerly takes to IAN.)","SUSAN: I think this is what you want, Mr. Chesterton!","BARBARA: Here are some leaves and some dead grass.","IAN: (To SUSAN.) Thank you. (To Barbara.) Yes, well spread them around the hole. Don't put them inside.","(He puts a branch in the middle of the pile, and places a smaller stick end-first atop it.)","IAN: Hope this is going to work...no, spread them around a bit more...yes, that's it...","(He puts the stone atop the smaller stick to steady it, placing his palm over that. He takes a second stick that he's tied onto the first stick. The shoestring is wrapped bow-like around the first stick, and tied to the second at both ends. He starts moving it back and forth, creating friction as the string rubs against the first stick...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","7: EXT. CAVE OF SKULLS","(The guard is standing by the secret exit. ZA walks up.)","ZA: I will speak with them. You wait here, huh?","(He takes the guard's club and walks into the secret entrance. The guard picks up a spear from the cave's side. And from nearby, a figure watches in hiding...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","8: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS","(The attempt at fire making is progressing well.)","SUSAN: (Getting excited.) I can smell something...","BARBARA: Yes, so can I!","SUSAN: It's burning!! It's burning!!","IAN: Oh, it's a long way off yet.","(ZA enters the cave from the secret entrance. All eyes turn to him. He stares down at the pile as IAN continues to work.)","ZA: What is this?","DOCTOR: (Getting up and standing by ZA.) We are making fire.","(ZA looks down at IAN.)","ZA: You are called Friend?","(IAN stops, looks up with a smile.)","IAN: Yes...","DOCTOR: (Harsh whisper.) Don't stop!","(IAN gets back to his task.)","ZA: Hur said you were called Friend. I am Za. You are the leader of your tribe?","IAN: No. (He nods at the DOCTOR.) He is our leader.","(A smile of appreciation passes from SUSAN to IAN. The DOCTOR, his role confirmed, stares at ZA.)","SUSAN: (To ZA.) Are you going to set us free?","ZA: The tribe say you are from Orb, and that when you are returned to him on the Stone of Death, we will have fire again.","BARBARA: But that's not true!","ZA: (Kneeling by the would-be fire.) I think you are from the other side of the mountains. If you show me how to make fire, I will take you back to the foot of the mountains. If you do not show me, I cannot stop you dying on the old stone.","IAN: (To BARBARA.) Put some more leaves and grass round it. I think it's beginning to work.","(BARBARA does so.)","DOCTOR: (Slowly, to ZA.) Do you understand? We are making fire (He points at ZA.) for you!","ZA: I am watching.","IAN: The whole tribe should be watching. Everyone should know how to make fire.","ZA: Everyone cannot be Leader!","IAN: No, that's perfectly true. But in our tribe...the firemaker is the least important man.","ZA: Ha! I do not believe this.","DOCTOR: He is the least important, because we can all make fire!","SUSAN: (Smiles, whispered aside to IAN.) I hope he doesn't make Grandfather prove that.","IAN: Look! I think it's beginning to work!","(A wisp of smoke is rising from the bottom of the stick where it meets the branch. The smoke thickens, building...and a flame flickers from the mass of leaves and twigs.)","IAN: Susan, Barbara - blow. Gently.","(They do so. The flame grows, catches onto the twigs and leaves. The small fire rises into a fair-sized one, as IAN finally relaxes.)","IAN: Yes, that's it!","SUSAN: We've done it!","IAN: Yes!","(BARBARA pushes the unlit twigs into the flame. ZA'S eyes seem to mirror the flame. He leans in close to the flames in amazement and wonder.)","ZA: Fire...Fire!","[SCENE_BREAK]","9: INT. MAIN CAVE","(The tribe has gathered as the sunlight filters into the cave.)","HORG: Orb strikes the old stone, and Za does not bring them out.","(The tribe start to murmur \"Gone away\")","HORG: We have no meat, and no fruit from the trees, and no roots. Za is no leader!","(The tribe grumbles in agreement)","HUR: Za will kill you if he could hear you! He is talking with them in the Cave of Skulls. (Coldly and quietly to her father.) You should lie on the old stone 'til your blood runs into the earth!","(HORG is not even listening to her.)","HORG: (Wildly.) Za is letting them go away, just as the old woman set them free!","(The tribe shouts in agreement.)","HUR: (Trying to make herself heard.) Za told one of us to watch and guard them until he came out of the Cave of Skulls!","[SCENE_BREAK]","10: EXT. CAVE OF SKULLS","(The guard outside the Cave of Skulls paces. Suddenly, he is attacked from behind. An arm is flung across his throat and the life is choked out of him.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","11: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS","(The fire is blazing away. Suddenly, there is a strangled gasp from BARBARA - at the secret entrance, KAL, axe in hand, walks in and stares in amazement at the fire. Then he goes straight at ZA, but ZA avoids the swipe. KAL leans down next to the fire, entranced. He reaches a hand toward the flame - and yanks it back with a yelp. He returns his attention to ZA, making a long swipe with his axe, which ZA easily avoids. The travellers pull themselves against the wall of the cave to escape the battle. ZA has reclaimed his club. KAL swings. ZA ducks under the swipes and grabs KAL'S arms. The two wrestle, rolling to the ground. ZA tries to grab KAL'S axe, and KAL takes a huge bite out of ZA's forearm. Howling, ZA tumbles off him. KAL rolls on top of him, and ZA kicks him off. They regain their feet, and their weapons. A long overhead slash from KAL - the axe is buried in the dirt - ZA swings down - the axe is broken! ZA flings his club at KAL, who scrambles to avoid the blows - ZA smashes a skull instead - KAL grabs a rock, lifts it over ZA's head and stabs ZA's arm. ZA screams.","KAL slashes at him again but ZA gets him in another grapple, rolls back, flings him over his head, rushes at him, pulls him up and flings him across the cave. He flings him again, and kicks his face; the travellers look on in disgust. ZA grabs KAL from behind, his arm around KAL'S neck, KAL screams, SUSAN looks away in horror. ZA throws KAL down - He's hurt, but not dead yet - ZA looks around, panting. He grabs a boulder, raises it up with a growl - and smashes it down on KAL'S head. The battle over, ZA seizes KAL'S feet, and drags him across the cave, laying him against the wall. He clutches his arm in pain - the roars of the tribe can be heard outside...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","12: INT. MAIN CAVE","(HUR is being held from behind, shaking her head and crying \"No!\" as the crowd howls for blood.)","HORG: Orb is above us, and there is no fire! Bring them out from the Cave of Skulls, and Za as well!","(The tribe heads for the Cave of Skulls.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","13: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS","(Inside, they all hear the tribe calling ZA'S name out. IAN thrusts a branch into the fire - it catches fire. He lifts it and offers it to ZA.)","IAN: Take this and show it to your tribe!","(ZA takes the torch and starts across the cave.)","ZA: You...stay here.","IAN: We will come with you...","ZA: No! You will stay here!","IAN: I will come with you...","(With a roar, ZA waves the torch at Ian's face. IAN backs off. The DOCTOR moves to pull IAN back.)","DOCTOR: Give him a chance, give him a chance! Let him show the tribe fire, establish himself as leader, and then he'll let us go!","IAN: But we ought to go with him now...","[SCENE_BREAK]","14: INT. MAIN CAVE.","(ZA walks out of the Cave of Skulls, fiery torch carried proudly before him. The tribe goes silent.)","ZA: Fire!","(There is a moments stunned pause, then...)","TRIBES-PEOPLE: Fire! Fire!","(They all crowd around ZA and his torch, in awe. He stands by the freed HUR.)","ZA: Kal is dead! I give you fire! I am leader!","(Led by HORG, the tribe roars in agreement. ZA walks to HORG.)","ZA: We will give food and water to the new tribe in the Cave of Skulls!","HORG: There is no meat!","ZA: I will go into the forest and get meat!","HORG: (Grinning in remembrance.) Yes...I remember how the meat and fire join together!","ZA: Uh huh... good! (Hands the torch to HORG.) Watch the new tribe. They must be here when I return!","(He runs out of the cave. The tribe hold their cold hands up to the torch.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","15: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS - SOME TIME LATER...","(The campfire is still burning. The travellers are despondent. IAN rips off his tie in disgust.)","IAN: Ahh! It didn't work. They're going to keep us here.","(HUR walks in, a hunk of fruit in her hands. She sets it down before the fire.)","IAN: Why are you keeping us here?","HUR: Za has gone into the forest to find meat. (She notices KALS' corpse.) There will be more food later.","BARBARA: But why can't we go outside?","(HUR walks across the cave, and kneels by KAL'S corpse.)","SUSAN: (Sobbing.) Please let us go... it's terrible in here...","(HUR stares at her.)","HUR: Za is Leader.","(She gets up.)","SUSAN: But we helped you. We gave you fire...","HUR: (Staring her down.) Huh. We have fire now.","(She walks out.)","IAN: Yes...and I was the fool who gave it to you. Why didn't I wait?","BARBARA: Well, at least we're alive. We wouldn't be if we hadn't given them fire.","[SCENE_BREAK]","16: INT. MAIN CAVE -- THAT NIGHT","(A roaring fire now proudly sits on the boulder, with the entire tribe joyously gathered around it cooking meat.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","17: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS","(IAN is dozing on the floor of the cave. BARBARA nudges him awake.)","BARBARA: Ian?","IAN: Hmm...huh?","(He gets up. SUSAN hands him a piece of meat, skewered on a stick.)","SUSAN: They brought us some meat.","BARBARA: Yes, and the Doctor found a hole, a stone with a hole in it and they filled it with water.","IAN: (Sardonically.) All the comforts of home.","(An uncomfortable silence. IAN suddenly senses a presence behind him, and looks up. ZA stands before them.)","ZA: The animal was hard to kill.","(He receives no answer.)","ZA: The meat on it is good?","(Still silence.)","ZA: They have brought you fruit. And water has been put into a stone.","(The travellers won't even look at him. ZA pushes IAN aside, and picks up the makeshift bowl.)","ZA: Is this the stone? (He pauses.) Has anyone hurt you?","DOCTOR: (Quietly, after a pause.) When are you going to let us go, hmm?","ZA: You will stay here. I have the meat, and I have the stick. And the piece of skin, I can make fire now. Your tribe and my tribe will join together.","(Looks of disgust are exchanged through the group.)","IAN: We don't want to stay here!","ZA: Why? There is no better place the other side of the mountains. Do not try to leave here.","(He takes the water bowl with him.)","DOCTOR: (Muttering.) If only we could get the fire away from him...scaring him somehow...","(SUSAN grows thoughtful. She lights a branch from the fire, and picks up a skull. She slowly, carefully puts the skull over the top of the torch. Her face lights up.)","SUSAN: Hey, grandfather, look!","(All eyes turn to the flaming skull torch.)","SUSAN: It's almost alive!","(IAN jumps up to SUSAN'S side.)","IAN: Not alive, Susan...almost dead! We're going to make four torches - we'll find the sticks and we'll use the fat from the meat, and then...","SUSAN: Then...?","IAN: Then, to all intents and purposes - we're going to die!","[SCENE_BREAK]","18: INT. MAIN CAVE","(HUR roasts a piece of meat over the fire. She takes her skewer and starts for the Cave of Skulls.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","19: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS","(The travellers have taken cover behind a jutting rock formation.)","IAN: ...when I give the sign...","(He points at the opening. They nod. The cave looks empty, except for the four torches set into the floor, each with a flaming skull atop it. HUR walks in, takes one look at the flaming skulls, drops the spit of meat, and falls to the ground screaming. The other tribes-people run in, and gasp at the horrid sight. They also fall to the ground in supplication.)","SUSAN: What are...","(BARBARA clamps a hand over SUSAN'S mouth. IAN waits a second, then points. The DOCTOR runs through the main exit unnoticed, followed by SUSAN, BARBARA, and IAN last of all.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","20: INT. MAIN CAVE","(They run through the main cave as fast as they can, past the roaring fire)","[SCENE_BREAK]","21: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS","(The tribe continues to wail in terror at the sight in front of them.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","22: EXT. FOREST (NIGHT)","(This time, the travellers know which way to go, and race at full speed.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","23: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS","(One of the skull torches falls over, provoking a scream from the tribe. But they fall silent as they realise the trick played against them. ZA approaches it.)","ZA: Look! (He seizes up the skull.) It is nothing but fire, and the bones of the dead! They have gone! While we look at their fire, they have gone!","HUR: Into the night - the dark will hide them...","(ZA picks up a burning stick.)","ZA: With fire...It is day!","(The tribe rises to give chase...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","24: EXT. FOREST","(BARBARA trips and falls full-length on the ground. The DOCTOR and SUSAN continue running. IAN helps her up, and the race continues...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","25: INT. MAIN CAVE","(The tribe light torches as fast as they can grab branches...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","26: EXT. FOREST","(The four time travellers run as fast as they can through the forest, ignoring the branches and leaves as they hit their faces. Not far behind, the tribesmen, torches aloft and in full cry, pursue. Finally, the travellers reach the darkened desert at full pace. SUSAN runs into the ship first, followed by BARBARA, IAN and finally the DOCTOR who quickly glances back one last time before slamming the door shut.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","27: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM","(Inside, IAN and BARBARA are exhausted while SUSAN waits at the console. The DOCTOR leans against the closed doors, getting his breath. IAN grabs him and pulls him toward the console.)","IAN: Come on, Doctor, get us off! Get us off!","DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes!","(The DOCTOR leans against the console, working buttons and switches with SUSAN - the cylindrical column starts to rise and fall - the dematerialisation noise fills the air...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","28: EXT. DESERT","(As the tribesmen run up to the ship and start to throw their spears, the police box, its top lantern flashing on and off, goes transparent...and fades out of sight. The tribe, ZA especially, are stunned at what they've just witnessed...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","29: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM","(The dematerialisation sound continues. BARBARA is resting on a chair, while the others crowd around the console.)","DOCTOR: (Reading dials on the console.) Yes, it's matching up.","SUSAN: We're beginning to land.","DOCTOR: Oh, how I wish...","IAN: Have you taken us back to our own time?","DOCTOR: You know I can't do that. Please be reasonable.","IAN: What!?","(BARBARA, hearing this, jumps out of the chair and runs up to the DOCTOR. )","BARBARA: Please, you must take us back! You must!","DOCTOR: (Waves her away, points at the console.) You see, this isn't operating properly... (He walks around it.) or rather, the code is still a secret. Feed it with the right data, precise information to a second at the beginning of a journey, and then we can fix a destination. But I had no data at my disposal!","BARBARA: (With contempt.) Are you saying that you don't know how to work this thing?","DOCTOR: No, of course I can't. I'm not a miracle worker.","SUSAN: You can't blame grandfather. We left the other place too quickly, that's all.","IAN: Just a minute. Did you try and take us back to our own time?","DOCTOR: Well, I got you away from that other time, didn't I?","IAN: That isn't what I asked you.","DOCTOR: It's the only way I can answer you, young man.","(The sounds of the ship slowly quieten down...and the column comes to a stop.)","DOCTOR: (Turns a few dials.) Now...now we shall see.","(The scanner shows a jungle setting, almost invisible through a thick mist.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","30: EXT. FOREST","(The white, gnarled trees rising from an ashy soil do not resemble anything on Earth.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","31: INT. TARDIS","DOCTOR: It could be anywhere. Dear dear dear dear, i-it's no help to us at all! Well, I suggest before we go outside and explore, let us clean ourselves up.","SUSAN: Oh, yes!","(The DOCTOR takes up his coat and points at an instrument on the console)","DOCTOR: Now, what does the radiation read, Susan?","(SUSAN looks at a dial on the console.)","SUSAN: It's reading normal, Grandfather.","(The travellers walk off into another section of the ship. Behind them, the needle on the dial suddenly moves...into the \"Danger\" zone - a warning light begins to flash...)"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"01x04","Episode Title":"The Firemaker","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_01x19.json","Recap":["Missing episode Arriving in Central Asia in 1289, the Doctor and his companions join the caravan of the famous Venetian explorer Marco Polo as it makes its way from the snowy heights of the Pamir Plateau, across the treacherous Gobi Desert and through the heart of imperial Cathay. Having witnessed many incredible sights and survived a variety of dangers, they arrive at the mighty Kublai Khan's Summer Palace in Shang-tu, where the Doctor strikes up an extraordinary friendship with the now-aged ruler. They move on at last to the even more sumptuous Imperial Palace in Peking, where the travellers save the Khan from an assassination attempt by the Mongol warlord Tegana - supposedly on a peace mission - before departing once more in the TARDIS."],"Transcript":["1. COURTYARD - CHENG-TING WAY STATION","(In the courtyard, SUSAN rushes back to the TARDIS after saying goodbye to PING-CHO. Suddenly, TEGANA emerges from the darkness, and grabs Susan.)","SUSAN: (Screaming.) Grandfather!","[SCENE_BREAK]","2. INTERIOR - TARDIS","(The DOCTOR, IAN and BARBARA watch helplessly as the events unfold on the TARDIS scanner...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","3. COURTYARD - CHENG-TING WAY STATION","(IAN slowly walks from the TARDIS.)","IAN: Tegana...","TEGANA: Stand still.","IAN: Let her go.","TEGANA: No.","IAN: Let us all go. I appeal to you. What possible difference could it make to you - you hate Marco.","TEGANA: Is the old man inside the caravan?","IAN: Yes.","TEGANA: And the other woman?","IAN: Yes.","TEGANA: Tell them to come out.","(Noticing that IAN remains motionless, TEGANA tightens his grip on SUSAN.)","TEGANA: Do as I command!","(IAN reluctantly beckons for the DOCTOR and BARBARA to emerge from the TARDIS. As the DOCTOR and BARBARA walk out, POLO appears.)","DOCTOR: (As he is approached.) There is no need.","POLO: What's happened?","TEGANA: They would all have escaped if I had not caught this one.","(TEGANA indicates SUSAN, whom he is still holding in a firm grip.)","DOCTOR: (To POLO.) Tell that man to take his hands off my grandchild.","POLO: The key first, Doctor.","(The DOCTOR reluctantly hands over the TARDIS key.)","POLO: Release her, Tegana.","(TEGANA hesitates... but POLO eventually forces TEGANA to release his hold over SUSAN. SUSAN immediately rushes over to the DOCTOR, and hugs him in relief.)","TEGANA: What are you... let me kill them, and be done with it.","POLO: We will kill no-one.","TEGANA: Are you mad? They will only escape again.","POLO: I don't think so.","(SUSAN releases her grip of the DOCTOR, and bows her head sadly.)","SUSAN: I'm sorry grandfather.","DOCTOR: So long as you're safe Susan. That's all that matters.","POLO: Where did you get the key, Doctor?","PING-CHO: Messr Marco...","IAN: (Hurriedly.) I took it.","POLO: You did?","IAN: Yes, I searched your room last night.","POLO: (Thoughtfully.) I see.","IAN: What are you going to do about it?","POLO: Tomorrow morning at dawn, we ride to Shang-Tu. When next you see your caravan, it will be at the great Khan's summer palace, and that will make an end of it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","4. MARCO POLO'S JOURNAL","POLO: (Writing in journal.) A day of hard riding. We left Cheng-Ting at dawn, and by dusk, had covered forty miles. As this is a densely populated area of Cathay, accommodation is not hard to find, and we have stopped for the night at an inn. Our baggage, including the Doctor's caravan, is following on with a trade caravan.","[SCENE_BREAK]","5. INTERIOR - NEXT WAY STATION","(The travellers are weary after the day's riding. In the main room of the way station, IAN and BARBARA are talking.)","IAN: How's the Doctor? Got over his ride yet?","BARBARA: (Smiling.) No, I don't think we'll ever get him on another horse as long as he lives.","(IAN laughs.)","BARBARA: Listen, we need the TARDIS. You must talk to Marco.","IAN: Talk to Marco! I've done nothing else but talk to Marco.","(At that moment, POLO appears.)","BARBARA: (Hurriedly.) Oh, Marco, Ian wants a word with you. I'm feeling a bit tired, so I think I'll go off to bed.","(Before IAN has the chance to reply, BARBARA quickly rushes off to her room.)","IAN: (Shouting after BARBARA.) But... just a minute... Barbara, come here!","POLO: Well?","IAN: Marco, you must give us back the TARDIS.","POLO: Is that what you want to talk to me about?","IAN: Yes.","POLO: Look, I've told you before Ian, you know what this caravan means to me. If I give it to the Khan, he'll let me go home.","IAN: But we want to go home too Marco. And we can't go home without the TARDIS.","POLO: I have offered to take you back to Venice with me, and see you safely on your way home from there.","IAN: By boat. We can't go by boat, Marco, we need the TARDIS.","POLO: Why Ian? Why?","IAN: All right, I'll tell you why. And I'll tell you the truth. I don't suppose you'll believe it, but still. As I told you, I come from England. Barbara as well.","POLO: Well, I grant you England's a long way, but the journey's not impossible, Ian. The Crusaders did it.","IAN: The Crusaders! Oh, Marco, to me, the Crusaders lived seven hundred years ago.","POLO: What are you talking about, Ian? The Crusaders were in the holy land, twenty-five years ago.","IAN: I come from another time. Our caravan, it not only covers distance, it can cross time.","POLO: (Disbelievingly.) Travel into the past and the future?","IAN: Yes... I know it's difficult to believe, but it's the truth.","POLO: On my travels to Cathay, Ian, I have come to believe many things which I previously doubted. For instance, when I was a boy in Venice, they told me that in Cathay, there was a stone which burned. I did not believe them, but there is such a stone. I have seen it.","IAN: It's black isn't it?","POLO: Yes.","IAN: Coal.","POLO: In Cathay, we call it the burning stone. And if a stone burns, why not a caravan that flies? Birds fly. I have even seen fish that fly. You are asking me to believe that your caravan can defy the passage of the sun, move, not merely from one place to another, but from today into tomorrow, today into yesterday? No Ian... that I cannot accept.","IAN: I'm telling you the truth, Marco.","POLO: Are you Ian?","IAN: I swear it.","(POLO considers what IAN has said. He holds up the TARDIS key.)","POLO: Where did you get that?","IAN: From your room.","POLO: Whereabouts? Where had I hidden it?","(IAN remains silent.)","POLO: Come Ian, surely you know where you found it?","(IAN continues to remain silent.)","POLO: You didn't find it, did you? It was given to you, and you lied about finding it to protect Ping-Cho. Ian, don't you see it doesn't matter to me why you lied. What is important is the fact that you are capable of lying.","IAN: So you don't believe me when I say I came from another time.","POLO: If I did Ian, I would give you the key.","[SCENE_BREAK]","6. STAIRCASE","(PING-CHO has been listening to the latter parts of the conversation... she re-enters her room, and turns to the sleeping SUSAN.)","PING-CHO: Goodbye Susan.","[SCENE_BREAK]","7. INTERIOR - WAY STATION (NEXT MORNING)","(Next morning, PING-CHO's disappearance has been discovered. IAN rushes down the stairs and joins BARBARA in the main room.)","BARBARA: Well?","IAN: There's no sign of her.","BARBARA: She must have run away. But why?","IAN: Because of that key, obviously.","(POLO and SUSAN enter the room.)","SUSAN: I'm sorry, Messr Marco, I didn't hear a word...","POLO: I'm not blaming you, Susan. But we must find her, and quickly.","BARBARA: Susan, have you any idea where she'd go?","(SUSAN remains silent.)","BARBARA: Well, speak up.","POLO: There are robbers and cut-throats on the road!","SUSAN: I... I think she might have tried to reach home.","POLO: Samarkand?","(SUSAN nods.)","POLO: But that's a thousand miles from here!","TEGANA: Will we go back and find her?","POLO: I suppose we must...","TEGANA: The Khan ordered you to ride without delay to Shang-Tu.","POLO: I am also responsible for Ping-Cho's safety.","TEGANA: Well... you're the one who will face his wrath.","IAN: Will the Khan be angry, Marco?","POLO: Of course, he will.","IAN: Very well then. You ride on, I'll go back and find Ping-Cho.","POLO: Alone?","IAN: Why not? I can remember the road we came along. She can't be far. But she is in danger, and you yourself can't go...","POLO: What do you hope to gain by this gesture, Ian?","(IAN glares at POLO, refusing to answer the question.)","POLO: I'm sorry. When do you want to start?","IAN: As soon as possible.","(POLO turns to one of the bearers.)","POLO: Go with Messr Ian and prepare a horse and provisions.","(The bearer nods, and leads IAN away.)","BARBARA: Don't worry Marco. He'll bring her back. You mustn't underestimate him.","TEGANA: Very good advice, Marco.","[SCENE_BREAK]","8. INTERIOR - CHENG-TING WAY STATION","(Back at the previous way station at Cheng-Ting, WANG-LO is making arrangements with an important Chinese lady.)","WANG-LO: (To an employee.) When the embroiderers arrive, take them straight to the lady May-Ching.","(WANG-LO turns back to the group of ladies, smiling broadly.)","WANG-LO: My ladies, I cannot tell you how... hmmm... how wonderful it is to...","(WANG-LO suddenly notices someone waving to him from the courtyard.)","WANG-LO: Please forgive us... excuse me.","(WANG-LO walks into the courtyard and confronts the shifty bandit, KUIJU.)","WANG-LO: What do you want?","KUIJU: The trade caravan to Shang-Tu.","WANG-LO: (Looking around for the commander of the caravan.) Where is the other man?","KUIJU: The old man isn't here...","(KUIJU hands a scrolled parchment to WANG-LO. WANG-LO carefully scans its contents.)","KUIJU: It's my authority to collect the...","WANG-LO: (Impatiently.) I see! I've got eyes. It's in the stables.","(Sighing, WANG-LO walks off with the parchment...)","KUIJU: Hey! Give that to me!","WANG-LO: (Waving KUIJU away.) Now, about your business!","KUIJU: The old man is a fool...","(Still holding on to the document, WANG-LO ignores KUIJU, and turns back to another group of travellers.)","WANG-LO: Please follow me.","(WANG-LO re-enters the way station with the other travellers. A few moments later, PING-CHO stumbles into the courtyard. She notices KUIJU standing a short distance away.)","PING-CHO: My lord?","KUIJU: Yes.","PING-CHO: Are you with the caravan, my lord?","KUIJU: I am, my lady.","PING-CHO: Is your caravan bound for Samarkand?","KUIJU: It might, why?","PING-CHO: I would like to journey with your caravan, unless it is going to Shang-Tu.","KUIJU: Err... it's possible...","PING-CHO: I can pay.","(PING-CHO searches through her pockets for all the money that she has.)","KUIJU: (Hesitatingly.) Err... come to think of it... we do strike inland... I'll talk to the commander of the caravan.","PING-CHO: Shall I come with you?","KUIJU: No, you wait here. Give me the money...","(PING-CHO hands over the money to a smiling KUIJU...)","KUIJU: Don't worry, little one. I'll arrange it.","(With a final grin, KUIJU walks off from the courtyard. As KUIJU chuckles, the monkey on his shoulder also begins to cackle. A few moments later, PING-CHO suspects something is wrong when KUIJU fails to re-appear. She approaches Wang-Lo, and tells the story to him...)","WANG-LO: You paid money? You foolish child. You've been robbed.","PING-CHO: Robbed? What shall I do? It was all the money I had.","(WANG-LO peers at PING-CHO suspiciously.)","WANG-LO: Haven't I seen you before? Not long since... I know! You were with Messr Marco Polo's caravan.","PING-CHO: No, my lord, no...","WANG-LO: (Horrified.) What have you done child? Run away? Oh...","(At that moment, IAN enters the courtyard. PING-CHO, unable to control her emotions any longer, bursts into tears. She rushes into IAN's arms.)","IAN: Ping-Cho, why did you do it?","PING-CHO: The key... and I can't marry a man old enough to be my grandfather. I can't. Please don't take me back. Please...","IAN: I must Ping-Cho. I promised Marco.","WANG-LO: I knew I'd seen her before, my lord. Silly child - let herself be robbed.","IAN: What?","WANG-LO: Oh, some villain, posing as a caravan driver, took all her money on the promise of letting her travel inland with the caravan.","IAN: Where did you meet this man?","PING-CHO: Here.","WANG-LO: At my way station? Impossible!","PING-CHO: No, my lord, he was in the courtyard with you.","WANG-LO: (Suddenly remembering.) Oh, that one! But he was going to Shang-Tu. I have the document authorising him to take the old lord's caravan from the stables. Here it is.","(WANG-LO indicates the scrolled parchment, still in his hand.)","IAN: So the TARDIS is on the road to Shang-Tu, eh?","WANG-LO: It's... err... possible.","(As IAN tries to comfort the upset PING-CHO, another man walks into the way station, and approaches WANG-LO.)","COURIER: The trade caravan to Shang-Tu, excellency - there is something here for us to take.","WANG-LO: Oh, but the other man said you were ill!","COURIER: What other man?","WANG-LO: The one that took the old lord's caravan.","COURIER: (Indicating a scroll.) But here's my authorisation.","WANG-LO: But... but...","(IAN notices the look of confusion on WANG-LO's face...)","IAN: What's the matter?","WANG-LO: (Embarrassed.) Oh, nothing, my lord. Just a slight confusion. I'm sure it can be rectified.","IAN: It's been stolen?","(WANG-LO hangs his head.)","IAN: The TARDIS has been stolen!","[SCENE_BREAK]","9. MARCO POLO'S JOURNAL","POLO: (Writing in journal.) I hope all is well and Ian has found Ping-Cho. Our progress towards Shang-Tu continues to be excellent, and we are now beyond the Great Wall, spending the fourth night of our journey at an inn about fifty miles from the summer palace.","[SCENE_BREAK]","10. INTERIOR - NEXT WAY STATION","(At the next way station, POLO and TEGANA are in the middle of a heated argument...)","TEGANA: You trust too much, and doubt too little! Marco, let me go back after him.","POLO: I will not agree to this!","TEGANA: But Marco...","POLO: Look, it's no good... how will it appear if I stand before the Khan without you? You speak for Noghai... silence could mean war...","TEGANA: But...","POLO: You must be at the summer palace. You must be, I say!","TEGANA: Marco, the magician's caravan. Why do you think Ian offered so readily... so... so eagerly to go back after... after Ping-Cho?","POLO: What's your point?","TEGANA: Ping-Cho could be anywhere - the... the chances of finding her are very small. But, Ian knows where the caravan is... he knows exactly where it is.","POLO: You're wrong Tegana. I think I know something of Ian's character...","TEGANA: You can't know it all. Marco, just give me a strong horse... now by using your name, I can bring them both back to you. I can bring the girl to you, and the caravan will be safe. You need the caravan. Because when peace is concluded with Kublai Khan, he might very well exchange this magician's caravan for your return to Venice.","(At that moment, there are the sounds of laughter. BARBARA and SUSAN appear - both are in a cheerful mood.)","TEGANA: Ah... all their sympathies are with Ping-Cho. They are all against this marriage.","POLO: Then why did Ian go back to look for her?","TEGANA: Exactly.","(TEGANA turns to a giggling SUSAN and BARBARA.)","TEGANA: I'm glad to see that your humour is not impaired by our misfortune.","BARBARA: What do you mean? What misfortune?","TEGANA: Well... your friend Ian has not returned. We can only assume that he has failed to find Ping-Cho.","BARBARA: Oh, you haven't given him enough time yet.","SUSAN: Anyway, I'm glad. I hope he doesn't.","TEGANA: Oh I see. You want to see her alone, do you? Without friends? She might be kidnapped, murdered.","SUSAN: Well, that won't happen to her. She's got money. She can buy a safe passage home...","TEGANA: Money! Are we all to sit in fear for her... and her intended husband sits in despair?","SUSAN: Oh, even you couldn't be so cruel as to want her to marry a man four times her age!","TEGANA: (Chuckling.) Even I? I thank you, lady.","(TEGANA turns to BARBARA.)","TEGANA: And this is your opinion too, I suppose?","BARBARA: I suppose so.","POLO: One moment. Are you opposed to Ping-Cho's marriage?","BARBARA: (Hesitating.) Look, why are we...","POLO: Answer my question please.","BARBARA: Yes I am - completely opposed to it.","TEGANA: How very unusual for you and Ian to disagree.","BARBARA: It isn't unusual at all. We don't agree about everything. And in this case, we're in complete agreement - all of us.","POLO: This marriage has the Khan's blessing. Am I to understand that you oppose it? Am I??","BARBARA: Yes.","POLO: All four of you?","BARBARA: Yes, all four of us.","(POLO turns to TEGANA.)","POLO: Take your horse Tegana. You have my leave to go. Use my name or such powers as you will, but bring them both to the summer palace.","TEGANA: I shall do so.","(TEGANA nods, and walks off to prepare for the journey.)","SUSAN: Why did you do that?","POLO: To make certain.","SUSAN: Certain of what?","POLO: That Ian has gone back to look for Ping-Cho, and not your caravan.","[SCENE_BREAK]","11. INTERIOR - CHENG-TING WAY STATION","(At the Cheng-Ting way station, WANG-LO is using all of his charm in talking to the important Chinese ladies. The ladies suddenly burst out laughing at one of Wang-Lo's comments. Nearby, IAN is talking to PING-CHO about the TARDIS...)","IAN: I've got to find it. I've got to. But where?","PING-CHO: Perhaps it is still here.","IAN: No, no, Ping-Cho. We should have heard. No, it's been taken all right. Is must have been taken by some old road... some route that's no longer used...","PING-CHO: The Karakorum road.","IAN: Karakorum? But Karakorum's the capital of the Mongol empire.","PING-CHO: Not any more. Not since the Khan built his palace at Peking.","IAN: Yes, but it'll still be an important place. I mean caravans will still go there.","PING-CHO: Karakorum was not a city of stone. It was just a collection of tents. When the Khan moved, the Mongols dispersed.","IAN: So the road isn't used any more?","PING-CHO: Never.","IAN: Then, that will be the answer!","PING-CHO: Why would someone take the TARDIS to Karakorum?","IAN: (Shaking his head.) I don't know Ping-Cho. But until I find it, we shall never leave Kublai Khan's Cathay...","[SCENE_BREAK]","12. SHANG-TU - THE SUMMER PALACE","(POLO's group ride into the Khan's summer palace at Shang-Tu. They stare around the wondrous surroundings in awe. Amidst the intricately designed pavilions, there are a number of carefully tended gardens. After dismounting from their horses, POLO's group is met by the Grand VIZIER, who is responsible for managing the KHAN's summer palace.)","VIZIER: (Grandly.) The Great Warlord and Master of the World, mighty Kublai Khan is pleased to grant you an audience.","POLO: We wait the Great Khan's pleasure.","(Led by the Grand VIZIER, the group make their way towards the main palace. The DOCTOR stares around the surroundings in amazement...)","DOCTOR: It's all Chinese - very interesting. It's odd that a Mongol should choose Chinese architecture.","SUSAN: Did you see those beautiful pavilions?","BARBARA: Yes - weren't they magnificent?","POLO: Some of them are made of solid gold.","SUSAN: Are they?","DOCTOR: What size are the grounds?","POLO: Oh, they're enormous. They have to be to accommodate the Khan's two great passions - hunting and falconry. Do you know in his stables, he has ten thousand white stallions?","DOCTOR: (Rubbing his back.) Yes, well one's enough for me, young man. Red, white or blue!","(The group finally enter the main throne room.)","VIZIER: When great Kublai Khan appears, you will make your obeisance to him so that he may look kindly upon you, and spare your worthless lives.","DOCTOR: Pray then, what am I supposed to do, sir?","VIZIER: Kowtow. Kneel upon the ground and touch your forehead upon the floor three times.","DOCTOR: (Outraged.) I shall do no such thing!","VIZIER: Kublai Khan is the mightiest man the world has ever seen. Not to pay him homage will cost you your head.","DOCTOR: Well, if it breaks my back, then he can take all of me! So why waste time on small items?","SUSAN: Grandfather please...","DOCTOR: (Grouchily.) Oh, do be quiet child! I'm not going to make a spectacle of...","VIZIER: Silence!","(A gong suddenly sounds.)","VIZIER: Those who dare to come before the sight of the great Kublai Khan, kowtow.","(Another gong sounds.)","VIZIER: Kowtow before the Warlord of Warlords. Mighty and fearful in his strength. Kowtow before the Ruler of Asia, India, Cathay and other territories. Kowtow before the Master of the World.","(As the other members of the group kowtow, the DOCTOR groans in agony as he kneels to the floor.)","SUSAN: Grandfather, go on, get down...","VIZIER: (Noticing the DOCTOR.) Kowtow! Kowtow!","DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes... I'll manage it...","VIZIER: Kowtow!","(The DOCTOR tries to bend over, but the pain in his back proves too unbearable. The DOCTOR continues to moan in agony. Suddenly, at the cue of fanfare, Kublai KHAN enters the room. He is an aging old man with a long silver beard. He walks very slowly into the room, due to a large lump on his foot (the KHAN suffers from gout). Muttering in pain, the KHAN surveys the group in front of him. He notices the DOCTOR also crying in great agony...)","THE KHAN: Do you mock our afflictions?","DOCTOR: It's my back...","THE KHAN: What ails it?","DOCTOR: It's broken!","VIZIER: Don't be impertinent!","DOCTOR: I am not being impertinent, sir. I'm far from unwell...","VIZIER: How dare you speak out!","(Ignoring the DOCTOR's protests, the Grand VIZIER tries to physically force the DOCTOR to bend forward while on his knees.)","VIZIER: This gout will be the end of us!","THE KHAN: Get up.","POLO: My lord...","THE KHAN: Get up all of you.","(The VIZIER assists the DOCTOR to stand. Kublai KHAN turns to the other members of the group.)","THE KHAN: (To POLO.) These gracious ladies also accompany you?","POLO: They do, my lord.","THE KHAN: We bid you welcome to our Court... ladies. What's the matter with him?","(Kublai KHAN indicates the DOCTOR.)","POLO: Oh, five days hard riding on horseback, my lord. The Doctor's not accustomed to it.","THE KHAN: Doctor? Oh? Is he?... Are you perchance, a physician?","DOCTOR: I am not a doctor of medicine, sir, otherwise I should be able to cure these pains.","THE KHAN: Oh, what a pity. Where is the Warlord Tegana?","POLO: Riding for Shang-Tu, my lord, with the lady Ping-Cho and a companion of theirs.","THE KHAN: Noghai's army is encamped at Karakorum.","POLO: (Disbelievingly.) But that's impossible my lord! When Tegana joined my caravan, Noghai's army was only forty miles north of Samarkand.","THE KHAN: Then it stands hundred miles from Shang-Tu. We are very anxious to hear Tegana's explanation of his master's conduct.","POLO: I can understand my lord's concern, and it is my fault that he is not here.","THE KHAN: We are on our guard against treachery... our patrols watch the Karakorum road, and tomorrow, we ride for Peking.","SUSAN: Must we go too?","VIZIER: Silence! Speak only when you are addressed.","THE KHAN: Tut... tut... tut. What was it you say?","SUSAN: Well, I wondered if we might wait for Ping-Cho, my lord.","THE KHAN: No, I think it is better that you ride with us.","DOCTOR: (Moaning.) Oh, not another horse!","THE KHAN: You spoke?!","DOCTOR: I said I don't think I could get on another horse.","THE KHAN: Then walk!","DOCTOR: In my present condition sir? And what about that lump of yours, hmmm?","VIZIER: The Master of the World has a carriage of state.","DOCTOR: (Muttering.) Well, well, he's lucky... he won't be jogged about...","THE KHAN: (Chuckling.) Tomorrow, you will ride in state, with us.","DOCTOR: Thank you.","(The KHAN is suddenly struck by intense pain.)","THE KHAN: (To the VIZIER.) Find suitable accommodation for our guests.","VIZIER: As my lord commands.","THE KHAN: Marco...","POLO: My lord?","THE KHAN: When Tegana arrives, bring him directly to us.","POLO: Very good, my lord.","THE KHAN: (To the Doctor.) We... we have healing waters here which relieve my gout. Come... let us observe their effects upon your aches and pains.","DOCTOR: Very well... very well.","THE KHAN: Oh, what a trial old age is.","DOCTOR: It must be borne with dignity, sir.","THE KHAN: Oh, dignity... yes of course. Now, take my arm friend.","(Moaning and grumbling to one another, the DOCTOR and Kublai KHAN, linked arm-in-arm, slowly hobble from the throne room. SUSAN watches in amusement as the two old men leave the room. She laughs.)","SUSAN: That's the mighty Kublai Khan!","POLO: Laugh if you will, Susan, but he is the greatest administrator the world has ever seen.","SUSAN: I'm sorry Messr Marco.","BARBARA: Marco, we can't leave here tomorrow, not without Ian and Ping-Cho.","POLO: I'm afraid we have no choice, Barbara. Don't worry, Tegana will bring them.","BARBARA: Will he?","[SCENE_BREAK]","13. THE ROAD TO KARAKORUM","(On the road to Karakorum, KUIJU is resting in a clearing. He sits next to a small fire, while his monkey scampers around nearby. The TARDIS is strapped securely to one of the wagons. Unknown to KUIJU, IAN and PING-CHO are hiding behind a shrub.)","PING-CHO: (Looking at KUIJU.) That's him, Messr Ian. That's the man who robbed me.","IAN: Yes... it looks as though he's waiting for something. Waiting for somebody... that's why he's brought the TARDIS here. Take cover... get down, Ping-Cho.","(IAN sneaks towards KUIJU, but the bandit hears the sounds of approaching footsteps. KUIJU draws his dagger, and faces IAN.)","KUIJU: Who are you? What do you want? Speak!","PING-CHO: (Appearing from the shrub.) Where's my money?","(KUIJU is momentarily alarmed by PING-CHO's sudden appearance. IAN quickly knocks the dagger from KUIJU's hand, and picks it up before the bandit has the chance to recover. IAN presses the dagger against KUIJU's throat.)","IAN: (Angrily.) Where is it? Where's the young girl's money?","KUIJU: In my pouch, lord.","IAN: Get it, Ping-Cho...","(PING-CHO searches around in KUIJU's pouch, and re-takes her money.)","IAN: You're a greedy man aren't you? And you brought the old lord's caravan here, I suppose, to get money? Well, was it?","KUIJU: (Terrified.) Yes lord!","IAN: And who's going to give you that money? Tell me! Tell me!","KUIJU: Arghh! The Warlord Tegana!","IAN: Tegana...!","(Suddenly, TEGANA appears in the clearing, clutching his sword. PING-CHO screams as TEGANA grabs hold of her. Ian moves the dagger further towards KUIJU's throat as TEGANA moves closer.)","IAN: I'll kill him.","(TEGANA waves his sword impassively.)","TEGANA: Do so. He is of no importance.","(IAN hesitates as he moves the dagger millimetres from KUIJU's throat...)","TEGANA: Come... come..."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"01x19","Episode Title":"Mighty Kublai Khan","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_01x30.json","Recap":["The arrival of the TARDIS in 15th century Mexico leads the crew to the doomed Aztec people, a mixture of high culture and brutal savagery. Matters are further complicated when Barbara is mistaken for a god andthe Doctor becomes engaged to be married."],"Transcript":["Broadcast: 13 June, 1964","Duration: 25 minutes 30 seconds","[SCENE_BREAK]","1. INT. TUNNEL","(The water rushes over IAN'S ankles and he is trapped. He suddenly notices something about his head - markings on a slab. He shines his flashlight on them. He pushes against the slab. It moves. With no time left, he throws all his weight on the heavy stone, lifting it and moving it aside...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","2: INT. SECOND TUNNEL","(He finds himself in a another smaller tunnel, slanted upwards. Struggling to keep a handhold, he starts crawling up...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","3: EXT. GARDEN OF PEACE","(The DOCTOR has abandoned all pretexts of calm. He tries desperately to re-open the tunnel as IXTA smiles beside him.)","DOCTOR: Open this, Ixta! Ixta, please! (He turns to him.) Please open this, Ixta, open it!","IXTA: Why?","DOCTOR: Ian Chesterton is in there!","(IXTA'S smile grows wider, and he salutes.)","IXTA: I thank you, old man. This time, you have really given me my victory.","(IXTA, laughing, walks off.)","DOCTOR: Open it! Open it!","(The DOCTOR futilely tugs at the stone...then gives up the struggle in resigned despair.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4: INT. TOMB","(IAN finally emerges at the far end of the tunnel...which is directly under the burial slab of Yetaxa. Smiling, IAN glances round him and at the TARDIS. He walks over to the secret door to the outer temple. He tests it - it moves. He looks upward, shining the light - and spots a small projection. He looks over at the slab and discovers a length of material which will do for a rope. After testing it's tensile strength, he returns to the door. Creating a loop, IAN jumps - and gets the rope around the projection. He ties a quick knot, pulling it up to the projection. He grabs the flashlight, then pushes the door open.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","5: INT. TEMPLE. MAIN CHAMBER","(He makes sure a generous amount of rope is on the other side with him, then lets the door drop back down.)","BARBARA: (Coming up to him.) Ian!","IAN: Barbara, there's a tunnel all the way up from the garden, into the tomb!","BARBARA: You came through there?","IAN: Yes, I ...","DOCTOR: (OOV.) Barbara! Barbara! Barbara!","(IAN dives behind the throne, as BARBARA stands by it. The DOCTOR runs up to her, his face stricken.)","DOCTOR: Something terrible, my dear ... I don't know how to tell you ... Ian ...","(IAN stands up from behind the throne.)","IAN: I'm all right!","DOCTOR: (He shakes his hand, relieved.) My dear boy! I thought you were drowned!","IAN: I nearly was. Who put that stone back?","DOCTOR: Ixta!","IAN: Oh. So he followed me, eh?","DOCTOR: Yes, of course he followed you! But never mind about that. How does that door work?","IAN: Don't worry, I've got it licked. All we have to do is get Susan up here.","BARBARA: We can't. (On their looks.) She refused to marry the victim for the next sacrifice, so she's to be punished.","DOCTOR: Is she still at that seminary?","BARBARA: I think so, but she'll be heavily guarded.","IAN: Don't worry, I'll get her out.","(He gives the flashlight to the DOCTOR.)","IAN: Now you stay here.","DOCTOR: Thank you. And watch out for that man, Ixta!","(IAN nods, and walks out of the temple.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","6: INT. BARRACKS","(TLOTOXL walks into the barracks as IXTA finishes putting on a new uniform ... )","TLOTOXL: The Chosen Warrior has done well. With Ian dead, they are completely at our mercy. The rewards, I promise you, shall be yours.","IXTA: I thank you.","TLOTOXL: I have a task for you.","IXTA: Tell me.","TLOTOXL: Guard the handmaiden.","(TLOTOXL moves to the door and waves. The AZTEC CAPTAIN and two guards bring SUSAN in.)","TLOTOXL: (To IXTA.) Do not let her escape, nor release her to Autloc. His faith in our gods is wavering.","SUSAN: Why have I been brought here? Does Autloc know I'm here? And what of Yetaxa - I'm her handmaiden! She'd wish to see me!","TLOTOXL: Oh, she will see you...at the appointed time.","IXTA: (Getting up and pointing to the table.) Rest there.","TLOTOXL: (To IXTA as SUSAN goes to the table.) Tlotoxl thanks you.","(IXTA salutes in turn. TLOTOXL leaves. IXTA motions the guards out, which they do after saluting and bowing. Then he walks to SUSAN with a sadistic look on his face.)","IXTA: Do you ask yourself where Ian is? I can tell you - he is dead!","SUSAN: I ... I don't believe you.","IXTA: The old man saw him die. He knows it to be true.","(IAN slowly sneaks up behind IXTA.)","IXTA: Now, seven wa ... warriors have challenged my right to command, and only I survive!","(IAN leans up close and ... )","IAN: Good commanders don't jump to conclusions, Ixta!","(IXTA jumps into action but IAN instantly seizes the back of his neck, punching him and knocking him out.)","SUSAN: Ian!","(IAN runs around the table and embraces her.)","SUSAN: I knew he was lying...he said you were dead...","IAN: I nearly was. Come on, let's get going.","SUSAN: Where are we going?","IAN: The TARDIS. Come on!","(The two exit the barracks...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","7: INT. TEMPLE. MAIN CHAMBER","(BARBARA and the DOCTOR wait anxiously at the temple door looking at the dawn sky.)","BARBARA: It'll soon be light.","DOCTOR: Yes, it's bound to take him some time to get there and back.","BARBARA: Oh, I just want to get out of here as quickly as possible...","DOCTOR: Hmm. And the history?","BARBARA: Remains unchanged.","DOCTOR: No rewriting?","(Smiling, BARBARA shakes her head. The DOCTOR moves into the room and grabs the rope, testing it.)","DOCTOR: This isn't going to be easy, you know.","BARBARA: (Takes the rope too.) Well, if we all pull...","DOCTOR: Yes, we can pull, but uh...I think we'd better do it at an angle.","(He places the rope over the top of the throne.)","DOCTOR: What we really need is a pulley.","BARBARA: A pulley? But the Aztecs don't have the wheel.","DOCTOR: I know! But it isn't going to be easy ...","SUSAN: (OOV.) Grandfather!","(SUSAN runs into her grandfather's arms as IAN joins the three.)","DOCTOR: My dear Susan...oh, how glad...I'll tell you how glad I am to see you later on ...","(He quickly disentangles himself and motions IAN over to the rope.)","DOCTOR: Come along, don't waste time...","IAN: All right.","(IAN, the DOCTOR and BARBARA all grab a part of the rope.)","IAN: Susan, as soon as the door opens, grab it!","SUSAN: Right!","DOCTOR: Now, this is not going to be so easy as you think, young man.","IAN: Oh? Well, let's give it a try anyway.","DOCTOR: Yes, alright, now be careful...the rope's old, and it might break...","(The three pull at the rope, with all of their strength. The door doesn't move.)","DOCTOR: No, no, wait, wait a minute...let's do it at an angle. Come along...","(He slings the rope over the throne again, and motions the other two to grab the rope on that side with him.)","DOCTOR: That's it.","IAN: All right...","DOCTOR: Right...","IAN: Ready?","DOCTOR: Yes.","IAN: Pull! ... Harder!","(Again they tug on the rope but it snaps, flinging the three of them to the floor. SUSAN leans her head despondently against the back of the throne.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","8: INT. BARRACKS","(TLOTOXL is furious with IXTA.)","IXTA: How could he have escaped?","TLOTOXL: Did you not let the handmaiden escape? She must be in my power!","IXTA: I shall find her ...","TLOTOXL: No, I shall!! I have another task for you ...","IXTA: Tell me.","TLOTOXL: Should Autloc learn of the warrior's return, he will be truly convinced that she is Yetaxa.","IXTA: What can I do?","TLOTOXL: His faith in her must be completely destroyed.","(He seizes up one of those wooden clubs.)","TLOTOXL: Is this one Ian's?","(IXTA nods.)","TLOTOXL: Then use it! (He puts it in his hands.) On Autloc!","IXTA: (Shocked.) To strike down a High Priest? There is no greater offence!","TLOTOXL: Will you see us humiliated? Each day as the sun rises, Autloc walks in meditation alone in the garden. Approach him in stealth and strike him down. Leave this close at hand.","IXTA: So that Ian will be blamed!","TLOTOXL: (Nods.) This time, Ixta...do not fail me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","9: INT. TEMPLE. MAIN CHAMBER","(IAN has tried, and failed to retie the rope together.)","IAN: Yes, I must try that stone in the garden.","DOCTOR: I think you're right.","IAN: But I'll need to someone to watch.","SUSAN: Me.","BARBARA: No, I think Susan should stay here.","IAN: (Crossing over to her.) We'll be careful, Barbara! If Susan and I can get that stone free, we can let you into the tomb from the other side!","SUSAN: Yes!","BARBARA: (Reluctantly.) All right...","IAN: Come on!","(IAN and SUSAN runs out of view.)","SUSAN: (As she leaves.) And don't worry!","BARBARA: (Watching them go.) Oh, we're like drowning people, Doctor...","DOCTOR: Oh now now now, don't worry, don't worry. Don't give up hope.","BARBARA: Maybe it's this place. I just feel sometimes as if...all the people who've died here are watching. Waiting ... for me to die too.","(The DOCTOR has no answer to that.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","10: EXT. GARDEN OF PEACE","(IAN and SUSAN cautiously move through the garden towards the stone...)","IAN: Sit yourself down behind that bush.","SUSAN: Right. I'll whistle if anyone comes.","IAN: Alright.","(She moves under the cover of the bush. IAN crosses to the stone and grabs the upper edge.)","SUSAN: (Shocked.) Ian!","(IAN returns to SUSAN'S position. She's found AUTLOC, unconscious, with IAN'S club beside him.)","SUSAN: Look! (As IAN looks him over.) Is he dead?","IAN: No...","(AUTLOC groans and starts to come to. IAN spots the club and picks it up.)","IAN: (Realising.) This is a trap...this is mine! Ixta gave it to me! (He gets up.) Come on, let's get out of here!","CAPTAIN: Hold them!","(He is too late as the CAPTAIN and some guards swarm in, surrounding the two. The CAPTAIN seizes IAN'S club.)","CAPTAIN: This belongs to you?","IXTA: (Appearing from one side.) Yes. I gave it to him.","(He helps AUTLOC up.)","IXTA: Ian was helping the handmaiden to escape. He struck you down from behind.","(AUTLOC looks shattered.)","IAN: How do you know he was hit from behind?","IXTA: That club belongs to Ian! Take them away!","(The two start to be dragged off...)","AUTLOC: (Weakly shouting after them.) You are the servants of a false goddess!","(He holds his head in pain. IXTA smiles behind him at the departing captives.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","11: INT. BARRACKS","(TONILA stands by a smiling TLOTOXL, who is holding IAN'S club.)","TLOTOXL: She is a false goddess. And now Autloc has proclaimed it. Yes, we cannot destroy her, Tonila, until the time is ripe.","TONILA: The people would not understand.","TLOTOXL: (Shrugging off TONILA'S worry.) The day of darkness is the perfect time. As the Perfect Victim leaves this land, so shall the woman who calls herself Yetaxa also depart.","TONILA: How shall it be done?","TLOTOXL: As the gods appear, may they not also disappear just as suddenly? I shall arrange it. I had a vision ... Tonila...of a room with three walls. The false Yetaxa shall be placed in that room...and the fourth wall added. Then order shall be restored.","[SCENE_BREAK]","12: EXT. GARDEN OF PEACE","(Meanwhile, the DOCTOR is carving a small wheel out of a piece of wood with the use of a metal knife. CAMECA watches him.)","CAMECA: Of all Aztec men, the High Priest of Knowledge is the most gentle.","DOCTOR: Ian didn't hit him, Cameca.","CAMECA: Yet his club was found here...","DOCTOR: Yes. And as Ian said, he was in the garden. I know. But he's innocent.","CAMECA: Yet he is to die.","(He stops working.)","DOCTOR: Yes. Butchered by Ixta.","CAMECA: If it is your wish...let our marriage be postponed.","(The DOCTOR shows pain in his expression. He restarts his task. CAMECA changes the subject.)","CAMECA: What is it you're making?","DOCTOR: Oh, just something to ... take my mind off the problem.","CAMECA: Let me intercede with Autloc on your friend's behalf ...","DOCTOR: It isn't just Tlotoxl that we have to contend with.","(He looks around at the garden.)","DOCTOR: He and his kind would destroy all this one day.","CAMECA: How can it be prevented, if it is the will of the gods?","DOCTOR: It isn't the will of Yetaxa.","CAMECA: (Astonished.) The gods wish an end to sacrifice?","DOCTOR: Yes, and Yetaxa speaks for them. But Autloc is needed here, and he won't go to the temple.","CAMECA: I shall persuade him to go to Yetaxa, beloved.","(The DOCTOR is touched. With a smile to CAMECA, he pats her hand affectionately.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","13: INT. TEMPLE. MAIN CHAMBER","(The guards leave AUTLOC alone with BARBARA.)","BARBARA: I thank you for attending me, Autloc.","AUTLOC: (Coldly.) Such gratitude is due to Cameca.","BARBARA: Then thank her for me. (She takes a deep breath.) My servant did not strike you, Autloc.","AUTLOC: The evidence we have proves he did.","BARBARA: If that is true, then I am unworthy of your trust?","(AUTLOC doesn't reply.)","BARBARA: Of all people, Autloc...why should I harm you? No, there's some plan here. Who would benefit most by breaking up our friendship? Tlotoxl.","AUTLOC: (Thoughtful.) Tlotoxl hates you, I know that...and Ixta does his bidding...and I am bewildered by the things that happened. I have many doubts. But in this matter...I must believe you. As for the others...I..I do not know if you are Yetaxa, I do not know what you are...","BARBARA: My servants are in danger! Will you see them die?","AUTLOC: Your handmaiden I may be able to protect. But the young man Ian is too closely guarded.","BARBARA: He didn't strike you, Autloc! He didn't!","AUTLOC: (With regret.) I cannot save him.","(He walks out of the chamber. BARBARA hits the side if the door in frustration.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","14: EXT. GARDEN OF PEACE","(The DOCTOR has finished his primitive wheel, and is looking it over for any flaws. CAMECA comes back up to him.)","DOCTOR: Here you are, my dear. It's nearly finished.","CAMECA: As is our time together. I do not know what its purpose is, but I've always known it would take you from me.","DOCTOR: Yes. I'm sorry, my dear.","CAMECA: Tomorrow will truly be a day of darkness.","DOCTOR: For both of us.","CAMECA: Tlotoxl is determined to destroy Yetaxa?","DOCTOR: He must do, to safeguard his own beliefs.","CAMECA: We are a doomed people, my dear. There is no turning back for us.","DOCTOR: You are a very fine woman, Cameca. And you'll always be very, very dear to me.","(CAMECA walks away from him, head bowed. As she walks though the garden, AUTLOC comes up to meet her.)","AUTLOC: Cameca, I must speak with you.","(She doesn't look up at him.)","AUTLOC: You are sad, Cameca...","CAMECA: I have just lost...all that is dear to my heart...","AUTLOC: The same cloud hangs over us. The sunlight of the truth is darkened, and I must know the reason for that darkness.","CAMECA: Yours is a tragedy far greater than mine.","AUTLOC: Yet we may help each other. Although I have lost my faith in our traditions...I keep my faith in you. (He smiles.)","CAMECA: And I in you, High Priest.","(AUTLOC holds up a golden seal.)","AUTLOC: See this ornament? It proves the title to my dwelling house and all my wealth. You will take it to the one who guards Yetaxa's handmaiden. It will serve to turn his head away while you take the girl up to the temple.","(CAMECA takes the medallion from AUTLOC.)","CAMECA: I shall do it. Where will you seek your truth?","AUTLOC: In the wilderness, away from the influence of other men.","CAMECA: You shall not search in vain.","AUTLOC: And you, Cameca...be happy in the trust I place in you.","(He salutes her, then turns and walks away from her. CAMECA's gaze slowly turns back to the DOCTOR, still looking over his wheel...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","15: INT. BARRACKS","(TONILA salutes the PERFECT VICTIM, now bare-chested, who is standing with IAN, SUSAN, and a host of guards.)","TONILA: May your sacrifice bring pleasure to the gods and peace to our lands.","PERFECT VICTIM: I thank Tonila for his many gratitudes.","TONILA: I have come to escort you, as you walk among the people before you find your...destiny.","SUSAN: What's to happen to us, Tonila?","TONILA: You shall both be punished before the Perfect Victim goes to find his heaven.","(IXTA comes into view.)","IXTA: (To the PERFECT VICTIM.) I, Ixta the Chosen Warrior, shall proudly lead you to your glory!","PERFECT VICTIM: May victory always rest upon your shoulders.","IXTA: (To TONILA.) When we have reached the temple steps, bring them on. (To IAN.) We shall have one more meeting, Ian.","IAN: (Coldly.) Yes. A final one.","(With a harsh laugh, IXTA storms off.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","16: INT. TEMPLE. MAIN CHAMBER","(The DOCTOR is hastily tying the rope around the throne as BARBARA looks on.)","BARBARA: Doctor, why won't you listen to me?","DOCTOR: They're all busy at the ceremony, and this is just the right time.","BARBARA: But they'll be here at any moment! Don't you realise that?","DOCTOR: Yes. Now, let me see...","(He has finished tying the rope. He lifts it, testing its weight.)","DOCTOR: Oh, uh, I-I think you ought to order Autloc to, to release Susan and Ian.","BARBARA: What? In front of everybody?","(He points at the door to the tomb.)","DOCTOR: Yes! It'll only take me a moment to open the doors, and then we shall all dash through there before ...","BARBARA: (Looking outside.) Shh! Shh!","(The DOCTOR gets behind the throne, as BARBARA goes to meet TLOTOXL.)","TLOTOXL: The procession has started. Are you ready to attend the ceremony?","BARBARA: But where's Autloc?","TLOTOXL: He will not be present.","BARBARA: Why not? What have you done with him?","TLOTOXL: (With a shrug.) I? Nothing. He has gone into the wilderness.","BARBARA: (Taken aback.) When will he return?","TLOTOXL: Never.","(He leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","17: INT. BARRACKS","(The AZTEC CAPTAIN, wearing full regalia, including the Eagle helmet is pacing back and forth before IAN and SUSAN, who are seated at a bench. CAMECA comes in, and the CAPTAIN salutes her.)","CAPTAIN: I greet you, Cameca.","(She shows him the seal.)","CAMECA: Do you know this ornament? Autloc desires that it shall be yours. It is the title to his dwelling and all his possessions.","CAPTAIN: (Reaches out.) Give it to me ...","CAMECA: (Holding it back.) You must earn it.","CAPTAIN: How?","CAMECA: Send away the warriors from outside this place.","(The CAPTAIN walks to the door to do so.)","IAN: (Gets up.) What are you doing?","CAMECA: I've come to help you. It is important that the ...","(The CAPTAIN returns, holding his hand out.)","CAMECA: As I give you this, so you shall close your eyes. Autloc desires that the handmaiden shall leave here with me.","(The CAPTAIN appears reluctant and, pondering the matter, walks in front of IAN and SUSAN, turning his back towards them.)","CAMECA: (Insistently.) There is position and honour in this ornament...","(The guard starts to speak ... and IAN seizes his chance, hitting him from behind. The two women look surprised at him.)","IAN: Well, somebody had to make up his mind for him.","(CAMECA kneels down and puts the ornament in the unconscious CAPTAIN'S hand.)","CAMECA: (To SUSAN.) Come! Quickly! (To IAN.) The handmaiden must go to the temple with me!","IAN: Go on, Susan.","(CAMECA leads SUSAN out. IAN kneels down and plucks the Eagle helmet off of the CAPTAIN. Then, with a smile, he slips it on as he leaves in the other direction...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","18: EXT. GARDEN OF PEACE","(TLOTOXL absent-mindedly plucks at a plant as TONILA speaks beside him.)","TONILA: The Perfect Victim stands before the people.","(TLOTOXL nods, and scans the sky above him.)","TLOTOXL: The darkness approaches. Now here is the order of my plan: We shall dispatch Ian and the girl, and then the sky will grow black. Then follows the perfect sacrifice. Then you and I, Tonila, will retire into the temple and bind the false Yetaxa. As light appears in the sky, we shall again stand in our places.","(TONILA smiles.)","TLOTOXL: Autloc has gone into the wilderness. You shall be High Priest of Knowledge in his place.","(TONILA bows.)","TONILA: I shall be at your side.","(TLOTOXL viciously yanks a whole section of plant out.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","19: INT. TEMPLE. MAIN CHAMBER","(The DOCTOR has fashioned a primitive pulley out of the wheel and a couple sticks. He pulls the rope onto the wheel. SUSAN runs in.)","SUSAN: Grandfather! Grandfather...","(He gratefully accepts her hug as Cameca enters.)","DOCTOR: Oh my dear Susan! Ah...","SUSAN: Where's Barbara?","DOCTOR: (Indicates the anteroom.) She's in there.","SUSAN: Oh, good. Barbara? Barbara...","(SUSAN runs into the anteroom.)","CAMECA: (Saluting.) I honour Autloc's trust. I bring you your handmaiden.","DOCTOR: (Crossing over to her.) That was a very brave thing for you to do, Cameca. But you can't stay here.","CAMECA: I'd hoped I might...stay by your side...","(The DOCTOR shakes his head quietly.)","CAMECA: (In a soft whisper.) Then think of me.","(She turns, and starts to walk out. She pauses at the temple threshold.)","CAMECA: Think of me...","(The DOCTOR remains behind with a sad look on his face and sighs.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","20: INT. BARRACKS","(The CAPTAIN is starting to wake up. But IXTA is there, in his Cougar head helmet. He turns the CAPTAIN over ... and picks up AUTLOC'S seal. TLOTOXL runs in.)","TLOTOXL: Why do you delay?","IXTA: (Points at the semi-conscious CAPTAIN.) He has betrayed us! Ian and the girl have gone!","TLOTOXL: We dare not wait. The darkness will come and go. The sacrifice must be made! (He points at the CAPTAIN.) Kill him!","(He runs out, as IXTA picks up an axe ... )","[SCENE_BREAK]","21: EXT. TEMPLE TERRACE","(The PERFECT VICTIM stands beside TONILA, with the guards - including the disguised IAN - around them.)","TONILA: Escort Yetaxa to the sacrificial altar.","(IAN salutes, turns, and leads the guards into the main chamber.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","22: INT. TEMPLE. MAIN CHAMBER","(He salutes before the seated BARBARA. She gets up and walks out ... )","[SCENE_BREAK]","23: EXT. TEMPLE TERRACE","( ... and stands before the stone.)","TONILA: (To the guards.) Go now and bring those who are to be punished.","(The guards leave, with the exception of IAN.)","BARBARA: Where's Tlotoxl? The ceremony cannot begin without him.","TONILA: He comes with the handmaiden. She shall be pierced with thorns.","(He moves to his position by the stone. TLOTOXL runs up from the barracks, furious.)","TLOTOXL: False goddess! You have betrayed us! I shall destroy you!","(He raises a knife in his hand but IAN moves in, seizes the knife before he can bring it down. TLOTOXL screams ... )","TLOTOXL: Ixta!","[SCENE_BREAK]","24: EXT. TEMPLE BASE","TLOTOXL: (OOV.) Ixta!","(At the bottom of the temple steps, IXTA whirls around and races upwards...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","25: EXT. TEMPLE TERRACE","IAN: (To BARBARA.) Run, Barbara!","(He forces the knife out of TLOTOXL'S hands as BARBARA rushes into the throne room ... )","[SCENE_BREAK]","26: INT. TEMPLE. MAIN CHAMBER","(...joining the DOCTOR and SUSAN in pulling the rope through the pulley.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","27: EXT. TEMPLE TERRACE","(TLOTOXL wrenches free from IAN then beckons to TONILA and the PERFECT VICTIM. They all run away, TLOTOXL shouting as he goes...)","TLOTOXL: (OOV.) Ixta! Ixta!","(IXTA arrives at the top of the stairs. Both divest themselves of their capes and pull out clubs. IXTA makes the first swing, hitting IAN'S shield ... IAN lashes out but misses. IXTA does the same. There is a back and forth flurry of blows - IAN is knocked back, to the edge of the temple floor. IXTA attacks, IAN sidesteps, turning IXTA around to the edge - another flurry. IAN gets battered onto the altar. IXTA moves in for the killing blow. IAN flings his shield away to block the blow, parries a couple more shots, gets up and clutches IXTA. IXTA who pushes him away, back to the edge. He swings - IAN barely dodges it - another swing, IAN'S legs get taken out from under him. IXTA lifts his club overhead but IAN grabs him and slings him over and IXTA, screaming, falls to a his death over the edge of the temple. His body lies awkwardly at the base of the building. IAN yanks off his eagle helmet and rejoins the others ... )","[SCENE_BREAK]","28: INT. TEMPLE. MAIN CHAMBER","( ... who have managed to pull the door up.)","IAN: It's opening!","DOCTOR: Go! Quickly!","(The four rush for the TARDIS, IAN throwing his helmet onto the throne. The door closes behind them and when TLOTOXL, TONILA and the guards rush in a split-second later, the room is empty.)","TONILA: The darkness, Tlotoxl!","TLOTOXL: (A dismissing wave at the door.) Let them go!","(TONILA places a knife in TLOTOXL'S hand. He walks back out to the darkened terrace ... )","[SCENE_BREAK]","29: EXT. TEMPLE TERRACE","( ... where the shirtless PERFECT VICTIM has now been laid. TLOTOXL raises his arms at the now black sky and the eclipsed sun...)","TLOTOXL: Great god of the sun and the warriors...I, Tlotoxl, thank you for this victory! In your honour, let perfect sacrifice be made!","(He raises the knife above the PERFECT VICTIM ... )","[SCENE_BREAK]","30: INT. TOMB","(BARBARA has taken off her headdress and places it down next to the corpse of the true Yetaxa. The DOCTOR looks on.)","BARBARA: We failed...","DOCTOR: Yes, we did. We had to.","(She pulls off her cloak and lays it down.)","BARBARA: Then what's the point of traveling through time and space? We can't change anything. Nothing. Tlotoxl had to win.","DOCTOR: Yes.","BARBARA: And the one man I had respect for...I deceived. Poor Autloc. I gave him false hope - and in the end, he lost his faith.","(She pulls off the coiled serpent bracelet as the DOCTOR walks up to her.)","DOCTOR: He found another faith. A better. And that's the good you've done. You failed to save a civilisation - but at least you helped one man.","(BARBARA smiles as she lays the bracelet down and walks into the TARDIS. The DOCTOR stares at the body of Yetaxa for a moment. He pulls something out of his pocket - the medallion with Yetaxa's image on it. A gift from CAMECA. He places the medallion next to the corpse, turns, and starts to walk toward the TARDIS...and hesitates. He turns back, retakes the medallion and puts it in his pocket. Then, grabbing his walking stick, he enters the TARDIS.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","31: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM","(The DOCTOR activates the TARDIS controls and the familiar dematerialisation noise sounds through the control room ... )","[SCENE_BREAK]","32: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (LATER)","(The column on the TARDIS console has come to a stop. SUSAN, in a change of clothes stands beside the DOCTOR as he looks the controls over. IAN and BARBARA, now in new clothes as well, walk over and joins them. The DOCTOR shakes his head in puzzlement at SUSAN.)","IAN: What's the matter, Doctor?","DOCTOR: We have a bit of a mystery, my boy.","BARBARA: What sort of mystery?","DOCTOR: It's my instruments.","SUSAN: Yes. According to these controls here, we've stopped.","DOCTOR: Yes, and those (Points at the other side of the console.) instruments say that we're still moving...","IAN: Perhaps we've landed on top of something.","DOCTOR: Yes...","BARBARA: Or inside something...","DOCTOR: Hmm?"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"01x30","Episode Title":"The Day of Darkness","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_01x31.json","Recap":["The Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Susan arrive in the TARDIS on board aspaceship. Their initial concern is for the ship's human crew, who are suffering from telepathic interference from the Sensorites, but Susan communicates with the Sensorites and finds the aliens fear an attack by the humans and are just defending themselves. Travelling to the Sense Sphere (the Sensorites' planet) the Doctor seeks to cure an illness to which the Sensorites and Ian have succumbed, but finds it has been caused by deliberate poisoning. The political manoeuvring of the Sensorite City Administrator poses another threat to the TARDIS crew as he seeks to discredit and implicate them."],"Transcript":["The Sensorites By Peter R. Newman","5:15pm - 5:40pm","[SCENE_BREAK]","1. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM","(The crew are gathered around the console. The Doctor is staring at the controls, baffled.)","IAN: Perhaps we've landed on top of something?","DOCTOR: Yes...","BARBARA: Or inside something.","(They look at her.)","DOCTOR: Mmm?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The Doctor points to an instrument.)","DOCTOR: This says everything has stopped, but the ship...","SUSAN: What did you mean, Barbara, inside something?","IAN: Perhaps that's why we still appear to be moving.","BARBARA: How's the scanner, Doctor?","DOCTOR: Covered with static. Let's try it again, Susan.","(Susan presses the control but the scanner still shows only static.)","IAN: That could be caused by an unsurpressed motor.","DOCTOR: Yes, or a magnetic field.","SUSAN: Shall we go outside, grandfather?","DOCTOR: No, I shalln't be happy until I've solved this little mystery.","BARBARA: I don't know why we ever bother to leave the ship.","DOCTOR: Well you're just thinking about the experiences you had with the Aztecs.","BARBARA: No. I've got over that now.","IAN: That's one thing about it, Doctor. We're certainly different from when we started out with you.","SUSAN: That's funny. Grandfather and I were just talking about it before you came in, how you'd both changed.","BARBARA: Oh, we've all changed.","SUSAN: Have I?","BARBARA: Yes!","DOCTOR: Yes, it all started as a mild curiosity in a junkyard and now its turned out to be quite a, quite a great spirit of adventure, don't you think?","IAN: Yes, but we've had some pretty rough times and even that doesn't stop us. It's a wonderful thing, this ship of yours, Doctor. It's taken us back to prehistoric times, the Daleks...","SUSAN: ...Marco Polo, Marinus...","BARBARA: ...and the Aztecs!","DOCTOR: Yes, and that extraordinary quarrel I had with that English king, Henry VIII. (chuckles) Do you know, he threw a parson's nose at me!","BARBARA: Well what did you do?","DOCTOR: Threw it back, of course! 'Take them to the tower!' he said. That's why I did it.","BARBARA: Why?","SUSAN: The TARDIS was inside the tower!","DOCTOR: Of course, that was long before you appeared on the scene. However, now, let's get back to this little problem. Open the door, Susan.","(Susan operates the doors which begin to open.)","IAN: Have you checked everything, Doctor? Yes, yes, plenty of fresh air, temperature normal.","BARBARA: Oh, just the unknown, then.","(They turn to the doors. A futuristic control room can be seen beyond. They walk towards the door.)","IAN: You were right, Barbara. We have landed inside something.","DOCTOR: It's a spaceship!","[SCENE_BREAK]","2. CONTROL ROOM, HUMAN SHIP","(They are now fully out. The control room is quite large. At one end lies the TARDIS, still in its Police Box form. At the other is a giant control bank with a screen in it. Seated here are two humans, a man and a woman, who do not move. They are dressed in pullovers with a logo of two rockets on. Two circular shaped sliding doors are set into the back wall some distance apart.)","DOCTOR: Close the door, Susan.","(Susan locks the TARDIS.)","DOCTOR: Let us be careful. There's been some kind of catastrophe here.","(They cautiously advance forward to the man. Ian lifts up his head then feels his pulse.)","IAN: Dead.","(Susan turns to the other body.)","SUSAN: This one's a girl.","(Barbara examines it.)","BARBARA: I'm afraid she's dead too. What can have happened? I can't see a wound or anything.","IAN: Suffocation, Doctor?","DOCTOR: I never make uninformed guesses, but, er, certainly that's one answer. Oh dear, dear, dear. What a tragedy, you know. She's only a few years older than Susan.","SUSAN: Grandfather, let's go back to the TARDIS.","DOCTOR: I don't know. I've got a feeling about this.","BARBARA: Yes. I think I can sense something too.","IAN: You mean that whatever it was killed them, could kill us?","(The Doctor has noticed something on the body's wrist.)","DOCTOR: Chesterton, have you noticed anything about this watch?","(They go over and find a similar one on the man's body.)","DOCTOR: Neither of them are working. These are the non-winding time. The movement of of the wrist recharges the spring inside for 24 hours.","IAN: Yes, and they've both stopped at about three o'clock.","DOCTOR: Yes, now suppose we say they've only just stopped. That would mean that the last movement of their wrists would have been at least 24 hours ago.","SUSAN: Grandfather, he's still warm!","BARBARA: Then they've only just died.","DOCTOR: It doesn't make sense, does it? But the facts are all here. I think it would be wise if we returned to the ship and left these people. There's noothing we can do for them.","BARBARA: We can't even bury them.","(They advance towards the TARDIS.)","DOCTOR: Come along, open the door, Susan.","(Susan begins to unlock it. Suddenly the figure of the man leans forwards and collapses onto the controls.)","IAN: His heart had stopped beating, Doctor. He was dead!","(They all rush around the man, Captain Maitland. He mumbles something illegible.)","IAN: What do you want?","MAITLAND: ...Over there...","(Ian goes to some shelves between the two doors.)","IAN: Here?","MAITLAND: No... to the left...","(Ian goes to the left and picks up a small transparent cylinder.)","IAN: This?","MAITLAND: Yes...","(Ian rushes back and gives it to Maitland who holds it against his chest. Soon he appears to have completely recovered and be back to normal.)","MAITLAND: Carol.","(He hands Barbara the object.)","MAITLAND: Place this against Carol's chest.)","BARBARA: I'm sorry. Carol's dead.","MAITLAND: Please do as I ask.","(Barbara does the same to Carol who sits up, groaning.)","IAN: (To the Doctor.) They were both dead.","SUSAN: Grandfather, what was in that box?","MAITLAND: It's a heart resuscitator. When you found us we were in a very long sleep but we weren't dead. My name is Maitland. This is Carol Richmond, my fellow astronaut.","(Barbara and Carol have by now rejoined the main group.)","DOCTOR: Tell me, are you from the Earth?","MAITLAND: Yes, we are.","BARBARA: So are we! How's it looking?","CAROL: The Earth, you mean?","BARBARA: Yes.","CAROL: There's still to much air traffic.","IAN: They got it off the roads, did they?","MAITLAND: You might say that, yes.","IAN: Barbara and I, we come from London.","(Maitland looks baffled.)","IAN: Tell me, is er, Big Ben still on time?","MAITLAND: What century do you come from? The 21st, perhaps?","BARBARA: No, the 20th.","MAITLAND: I see.","CAROL: What's Big Ben?","BARBARA: It's a clock. Near Westminster.","MAITLAND: Yes. You see the whole lower part of England is called central city now. There hasn't been a London now for 400 years. We come from the 28th century.","CAROL: Captain Maitland, these people must leave us immediately.","MAITLAND: Yes, you will have to.","IAN: But there are so many things we want to know!","MAITLAND: There is only danger for you here, you must go.","BARBARA: Danger? What sort of danger?","MAITLAND: It's better that you don't know what happened to us.","BARBARA: But we might be able to help you!","DOCTOR: No, no, Barbara. I learnt not to meddle in the affairs of other people long ago.","(Ian laughs.)","DOCTOR: Now, now, now, don't be absurd. There's not an ounce of curiosity in me, my dear boy. (to Maitland) Now, why are you in trouble?","(Now Barbara laughs.)","MAITLAND: Very well, I'll try to explain. Out there is a planet we call the Sense Sphere. Its inhabitants, the Sensorites, have always prevented us from leaving this area of space.","DOCTOR: You mean they have some kind of power over your craft.","MAITLAND: Exactly. But its, its not that simple. They not only control our craft; they have some influence over us as well.","DOCTOR: Hypnosis, you mean?","MAITLAND: No, I do not mean hypnosis.","DOCTOR: Well what then?","MAITLAND: Somehow they have control over our brains. They are hostile, these Sensorites, but in the strangest possible ways. They don't let us leave these area of space and yet they don't attempt to kill us.","SUSAN: What had happened when we found you?","CAROL: Well the same thing that's happened many times before. They put us into a deep sleep that gives the appearance of death, and yet they've never made any actual effort to destroy us.","MAITLAND: Far from it. We both have healthy recollections of them returning from time to time to our ship to actually feed us.","IAN: It doesn't add up at all.","CAROL: This is why you must leave us at once!","MAITLAND: Yes. The Sensorites may try to prevent you from leaving.","(Meanwhile at the other end of the room, unnoticed by the others, a small wrinkled hand reaches out and feels the TARDIS lock. It returns with a device that looks like a small tennis racket with a glass centre. Two lines form a cross and these are focused on the lock. The device begins to hum.)","BARBARA: I can smell something burning.","SUSAN: Mmm, so can I.","MAITLAND: You mustn't stay any longer.","IAN: I'm inclined to agree with him, Doctor. (To Maitland.) But surely there's something we can do for you.","MAITLAND: No. Nobody can help us.","SUSAN: Grandfather, couldn't we take them back with us?","MAITLAND: We cannot leave this ship.","CAROL: You see there's John to think of too.","DOCTOR: John?","BARBARA: Ian, there is something burning.","IAN: Yes, I think you're right. Maitland, you wouldn't have anything shorting, would you?","MAITLAND: Why no, that's not possible.","(Still unseen by the others, the device is still working on the now smoking TARDIS lock. The device stops humming and the hand grasps the lock and the entire mechanism. It then tests the door but it refuses to open. After a while, Barbara points towards the TARDIS.)","BARBARA: It seems to be coming from over here.","(Barbara and Ian go off to investigate.)","DOCTOR: (To Carol.) You have additional crew, I take it.","CAROL: Yes.","DOCTOR: Mmm...","MAITLAND: Doctor, you must go. Leave us.","DOCTOR: Well it seems to me that there's nothing else I can do. (to Maitland) Goodbye my friend. (to Carol) Goodbye my child. Come along, Susan.","(He leads Susan plus Ian and Barbara who are standing in the middle of the room over to the TARDIS.)","BARBARA: It's stronger over here, Doctor.","DOCTOR: Perhaps it's coming from inside the TARDIS.","(Susan spots the hole where the lock should be.)","SUSAN: Grandfather!","DOCTOR: Good gracious, they've taken the lock!","SUSAN: It's not so much the lock, it's the opening mechanism. The door's permanently locked!","IAN: Permanently? Well there must be some way of getting in. What can we do, Doctor, break down the door?","DOCTOR: Adn disturb the field of dimensions inside the TARDIS? We dare not! No, we've been most effectively shut out.","BARBARA: The Sensorites?","DOCTOR: Who else?","SUSAN: What do they want with us?","DOCTOR: I don't know. And why have they kept those other two in captivity, mm?","(The ship begins to rumble and shake. Carol shouts over from her seat.)","CAROL: The Sensorites! They're back! Get away!","IAN: We must get to the other end!","(With difficulty they struggle back to the side of the room with Maitland and Carol.)","DOCTOR: (To Maitland.) What's happening, my friend? Can't you control the ship?","MAITLAND: I'm powerless. The Sensorites are stronger than I am!","DOCTOR: Which is your parallel thrust?","MAITLAND: There!","(The Doctor operates a control.)","DOCTOR: Right, velocity check. Chesterton, check velocity.","(Carol points to a display.)","CAROL: Here.","IAN: It's not even on the unit marker, Doctor!","(Maitland struggles against the Doctor's operation of the controls.)","MAITLAND: Trying to control this spacecraft is suicide..!","DOCTOR: Please go away!","IAN: Velocity needle's hitting the red, Doctor.","DOCTOR: Right, stabilise us, Maitland.","(Maitland pushes a lever forward and the juddering stops.)","DOCTOR: At last. At last. The ship was rolling about on its axis.","SUSAN: Grandfather, look!","(The white planet on the screen is growing larger.)","BARBARA: We're heading straight for it!","CAROL: It's the Sense Sphere.","DOCTOR: (To Maitland.) Where's your deflection rays?","(Maitland does not react.)","DOCTOR: Maitland, deflection rays!","MAITLAND: There, the white panel, but its useless.","DOCTOR: We'll see about that.","(He begins to move some controls on the white panel.)","DOCTOR: Reading, please?","CAROL: Max three, braking one.","IAN: 19 miles to the nearest point of impact.","CAROL: Closing fast!","SUSAN: Barbara, we're going to hit! We're going to hit!","CAROL: Lifting flight.","MAITLAND: We're on collision course!","DOCTOR: Jet course port... now!","(He moves a switch and there is a roaring noise.)","IAN: Velocity's still rising!","DOCTOR: Jet reverse starboard... now!","(He moves another switch and their is a similar noise.)","CAROL: Increasing to max 4. Heading straight for point of impact!","IAN: The altitude is still falling!","CAROL: Max 4.","DOCTOR: Barbara, see that panel? Check system, green light normal.","(Barbara looks at it.)","BARBARA: Yes, green light's on.","DOCTOR: (To Maitland.) Now boost engines... forward... thrust... now!","(Maitland becomes paralysed. The Doctor pulls the lever for him. Maitland leans back exhausted. The roaring noises are now almost deafening. The Sense Sphere almost fills the screen then falls to the side. They have passed it. It becomes quiet again.)","MAITLAND: Why couldn't I do it?","[SCENE_BREAK]","3. CONTROL ROOM (LATER)","(The Doctor and Maitland are seated by a console with Ian and Carol standing behind them. Susan and Barbara are preparing a meal.)","DOCTOR: Well, my friend, are you feeling better?","MAITLAND: Yes, my head's much clearer.","DOCTOR: Yes well I rather fancy that's settled that little bit of solution. You know, I think these Sensorites have found a way to take control of your minds.","IAN: Do you think they were deliberately trying to kill us, Doctor?","DOCTOR: No, no I don't. I think it was an exercise in fear and power.","CAROL: Yes, but for some reason or other, you minds aren't open to them.","DOCTOR: Yes and you've found a way to resist them, whereas Maitland here; his power to resist was taken from him.","MAITLAND: I was afraid.","DOCTOR: Mmm.","IAN: You weren't afraid. They just made you hopeless.","DOCTOR: Yes, they're dangerously cunning, these people, but that's not all. Things are very strange here. You know, they can control, they can frighten and yet they don't attempt to kill you. Furthermore they even feed you and keep you alive. All this is quite extraordinary.","IAN: Yes. And talking about food, I shall be glad when we eat. (to Barbara) How's it coming along?","BARBARA: All right. It'll be ready in a minute.","CAROL: Well from the sight of our stocks, they've obviously been giving us their own food.","BARBARA: Whart about water, Carol?","CAROL: Oh, down there on the right.","BARBARA: Right, we'll find it.","DOCTOR: Tell me, have either of you ever met any of these creatures or seen them?","(There is a tense silence.)","CAROL: John has.","IAN: Ah, he's the other member of your crew, isn't he?","MAITLAND: Yes, our mineralogist.","DOCTOR: I'd like to have a talk with him.","MAITLAND: I'm afraid that's out of the question.","DOCTOR: Oh? Why not?","(Maitland and Carol glance at each other.)","MAITLAND: I'd rather not talk about it.","(Susan and Barbara walk straight past a hatch labelled 'water' without noticing and up to one of the closed circular doors.)","BARBARA: I suppose she meant through that door. Let's try it.","SUSAN: I can't see any handle on the door. Try this.","(She pulls a lever next to the door.)","SUSAN: That doesn't work.","(She sees a sensor embedded in the wall and waves her hand over it. The door slides up.)","SUSAN: That's funny! Oh I see, it's the ray, I must have broken the connection.","BARBARA: Let's get that water, I'm dying of thirst.","SUSAN: Yes, so am I.","(They step through.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4. STARBOARD CORRIDOR","(The corridor is built in the same dull grey style as the rest of the ship and completely featureless. Barbara stares doubtfully down it.)","BARBARA: Well down here on the right, she said.","(Susan shrugs and they continue. For a while nothing happens then a hand - human this time - waves over a sensor on this side of the door. The owner of it comes into view. He is a man dressed in the same uniform as Maitland and Carol. He is John, the third member of the crew. Zombie-like, he stumbles down the corridor after Susan and Barbara.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","5. ROOM","(They enter a small room with some controls in it and look around.)","BARBARA: I don't think we should stay in here long.","(Susan picks up a book and begins leafing through it.)","SUSAN: Hey, this is bliss!","BARBARA: I wonder where that water is?","SUSAN: I don't know.","(Barbara hears something.)","BARBARA: Shh.","(Susan looks up.)","BARBARA: Listen.","(They hear the sounds of John shuffling towards them.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","6. CONTROL ROOM","(The others are still talking.)","IAN: But don't you see? John may be able to give us some valuable information.","CAROL: I told you, you can't see him!","DOCTOR: You're both being rather secretive.","(Neither Maitland or Carol reply.)","IAN: Where are the others?","(Maitland and Carol both jump up in alarm and run to the door. Maitland desperately attempts to open it but the sensor will not work.)","MAITLAND: We should have warned them!","IAN: What is it? What's wrong?","CAROL: The door's been locked from the outside. Quickly, they're in danger, we must get in from the other end!","(Ian, Maitland and Carol rush to the other door. Maitland succeeds in opening with the sensor this time and they go through.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","7. PORT CORRIDOR","(They rush through an identical corridor.)","MAITLAND: This way!","(He waves his hand over the sensor of another, more conventional-looking door in the wall.)","MAITLAND: This is the other way through.","(It does not move.)","CAROL: Oh, it's no use. The ray's been jammed on the other side!","MAITLAND: I'm sorry, Ian, there's nothing we can do.","IAN: But what is it? What's wrong? What's going on inside there?","MAITLAND: It's no use, no use.","(Ian pulls him out of the way and begins to hammer on the door.)","IAN: Barbara! Susan!","CAROL: No! No, please!","(They attempt to pull him away.)","IAN: Are there Sensorites in there?","[SCENE_BREAK]","8. ROOM","(Barbara and Susan back away as John stumbles towards them. He leans out towards Susan but they move away and he falls against a cupboard unit in the corner. Barbara and Susan slip away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","9. STARBOARD CORRIDOR","(They run back towards the door to the control room but neither the sensor nor their physical efforts will move it. Realising it is futile, Barbara steps protectively in front of Susan and leads her back up the corridor. They open another door and dart through.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","10. ROOM","(This room is much smaller and contains a single cupboard. They attempt to move it into the doorway but it will not budge. They see John coming up to the doorway and hide behind it. He enters but instead of looking for them he clutches his head in pain and whimpers. After a while he goes out again.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","11. CONTROL ROOM","CAROL: We must find out about John.","MAITLAND: We've been over this a hundred times before, Carol.","CAROL: But the other times were different! The Sensorites made our decisions for us.","MAITLAND: As far as we know, they still do!","CAROL: But the Doctor and the others showed us we can resist them. We can! It's only fear that makes us weak, that's all.","MAITLAND: That may be so, but we mustn't go in there, Carol, it's too dangerous.","CAROL: What you really mean is I mustn't go in there. You're afraid for me, aren't you?","MAITLAND: I know what John means to you.","CAROL: (Sadly.) Last time I saw him he didn't even know my name. I must see him, I must find out! Besides, there are the girls.","MAITLAND: All right.","IAN: Maitland, you must get that door open.","MAITLAND: I'll have to cut round the lock.","IAN: All right, well get on with it.","MAITLAND: I'll get the machinery out.","(He goes off.)","IAN: Carol, tell me, what is it that you're both afraid of?","CAROL: John's in there, with your friends. He and I were going to get married when we got back to the Earth. The Sensorites attacked him far more than Captain Maitland and me. I had to sit there helplessly and watch him get worse and worse.","IAN: You mean they've taken over his mind?","CAROL: Yes.","IAN: What's it done to him?","(Carol just sobs.)","IAN: Carol, you've got to tell me.","CAROL: He'll be frightened of strangers. He, he may become violent.","[SCENE_BREAK]","12. ROOM","(Barbara motions for Susan to be quiet and she moves towards the door.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","13. STARBOARD CORRIDOR","(She peers out and sees John leaning against the wall to the right, his head lolling. She and Susan edge along the wall in the other direction but John sees them and begins to stumble after them. They hammer on one of the doors but it remains shut. John approaches but as he gets near he clutches his head again and sinks to his knees and sobs.)","SUSAN: He's crying!","(John looks imploringly up at them.)","JOHN: Why? (to Barbara) You look like my sister. Have you come to help me?","(Barbara reaches out to him but Susan holds her arms back.)","JOHN: Four years...","BARBARA: Are you one of the crew of this spaceship?","(John nods.)","BARBARA: Are you trying to tell me something?","(John nods.)","BARBARA: About yourself?","(John nods.)","SUSAN: Is he, is he trying to say he's ill?","JOHN: Yes. Yes.","(They kneel down beside him.)","BARBARA: Don't be afraid. We'll take care of you.","SUSAN: What do you think happened to him, Barbara?","(Barbara shakes her head.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","14. CONTROL ROOM","(Maitland is cutting the left-hand door with a small drill, watched by the Doctor, Ian and Carol.)","IAN: Where does the power come from?","MAITLAND: Electro-magnetics. We should be through to the locks at any minute.","IAN: (To Carol.) You say you haven't seen John for months?","CAROL: He was dangerous once the Sensorites had got at his brain.","DOCTOR: (To Maitland.) Can't you go faster? Susan's in there!","MAITLAND: It won't be long, now.","(A shrill, piercing noise begins to pervade the room. Maitland pauses.)","DOCTOR: Now what is it? Get on with the job, please!","MAITLAND: Listen. Don't you hear it? I thought there was something else.","IAN: You mean that high-pitched whine? Is that it?","MAITLAND: Sensorites!","CAROL: They must be near! That noise is caused by the machines that carry them through space.","MAITLAND: Carol, get back to your intruments.","(Carol runs back to her seat.)","MAITLAND: Doctor, will you take the controller seat?","DOCTOR: Anything but this awful waiting!","(The Doctor takes Maitland's seat.)","IAN: But what about Barbara and Susan?","MAITLAND: No time now!","(Maitland and Ian go over to the control area. The screen still shows only stars.)","MAITLAND: Look for glowing lights on the move about the ship.","IAN: Well how will they attack us?","MAITLAND: They won't, not in the mormal way.","IAN: But then how can we defend ourselves?","MAITLAND: You'll find out soon enough. Look out there.","(They look to the screen. After a while to white dots, slightly larger than the stars edge onto the view and begin to move across the screen.)","MAITLAND: There they are! See them moving?","IAN: Yes, but they look miles away.","MAITLAND: It won't take them long to get here.","IAN: How long do you think it'll take them, Doctor?","DOCTOR: I don't know. They must have made the journey before. They were here, remember? They took away the lock mechanism to my ship.","IAN: Yes, and probably took it back to their own planet.","DOCTOR: And now they're coming back, but with what orders? To take over our minds, mm? Or to killl us?","[SCENE_BREAK]","15. STARBOARD CORRIDOR","(Susan, Barbara and John hear the noise.)","BARBARA: Do you hear that?","SUSAN: It's as if it's coming from outside.","(John stumbles to his feet and stands in front of Susan and Barbara.)","BARBARA: No. You need rest. There's nothing wrong.","JOHN: I'll protect you.","BARBARA: Yes, all right. You protect us.","[SCENE_BREAK]","16. CONTROL ROOM","IAN: Would it be a good idea to move?","MAITLAND: Where to? We already know we can't leave this area of space.","IAN: All the same...","MAITLAND: Anyway, we're not going to be destroyed. Had the Sensorites intended that they would have done it long ago.","IAN: Well if that collision course was their idea of a joke, I'd hate to be one of their enemies.","CAROL: (Bitterly.) They wouldn't really try to crash us. They just keep on playing this game of nerves.","DOCTOR: Shh. What's that noise?","MAITLAND: Yes. We always hear that.","CAROL: Interference now on all our scans.","MAITLAND: Now remember all of you; no violence unless the Sensorites start it first.","IAN: Why no violence? Surely we've got the right to defend ourselves.","DOCTOR: My dear Chesterton, it is the mind they take over, so we must assume that the brain is all important. Now let the intelligence be our only defence and attack!","CAROL: I can sense them all around us now.","MAITLAND: Shh.","(There is silence. Maitland and Carol appear to be frozen in position. Ian wanders back to the screen. He looks at it and his eyes widen.)","IAN: Doctor!","(A bulbous head with enormous black eyes and a hairy, cat-like face moves up into view. It appears to be looking in on them all. The Sensorites have arrived...)"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"01x31","Episode Title":"Strangers in Space","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_01x37.json","Recap":["The TARDIS materialises not far from Paris in 1794 - one of the bloodiest years following the French Revolution of 1789. The travellers become involved with an escape chain rescuing prisoners from the guillotine and get caught up in the machinations of an English undercover spy, James Stirling - alias Lemaitre, governor of the Conciergerie prison."],"Transcript":["THE REIGN OF TERROR","by DENNIS SPOONER","first broadcast - 8th August, 1964 5:15pm - 5:40pm","[SCENE_BREAK]","1. FOREST","(It is getting dark. Two figures walk through the dense forest.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Once they have gone the TARDIS materialises nearby.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","2. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM","(The Doctor is making adjustments to the controls, under the collective gazes of Susan, Ian and Barbara. The atmosphere is noticeably colder than usual. He turns to them.)","DOCTOR: There we are. Home.","BARBARA: Doctor, we...","(The Doctor motions for her to be quiet.)","DOCTOR: It's all right. Chesterton made the position quite clear. Now, I have some work to do.","SUSAN: Grandfather, please...","DOCTOR: Hush, child. Say your goodbyes and remember - we shall be leaving almost immediately.","IAN: Do you have to be in such a hurry?","DOCTOR: Enough time has been wasted bringing you back, young man. I have the universe to explore.","SUSAN: (To Barbara.) Must you go?","BARBARA: Susan, we've visited many places together - had lots of adventures. But you always knew we intended to return home when we could.","SUSAN: Yes, I know, but...","BARBARA: Look, I know it's hard to say goodbye but, one day, you'll understand why we had to.","SUSAN: But grandfather can bring you back any time now!","IAN: Don't you see, Susan? The longer we leave it, the harder it'll be.","(Susan hugs them both quickly then runs away. The Doctor comes up to them, leafing through a book.)","DOCTOR: Hmm. Still here?","IAN: Yes, we're waiting for you to carry out the checks.","DOCTOR: Quite unnecessary.","IAN: Oh is it? Are you so certain you know where we are?","DOCTOR: Certain? Of course I'm certain! If you doubt me, take a look for yourselves.","(He goes to the console and switches on the scanner.)","DOCTOR: Perhaps that will satisfy you.","(The image is of the forest outside.)","BARBARA: Mmm. It could be, I suppose.","DOCTOR: Thank you. Obviously you're still in doubt. Let us take a longer look, through the trees, hmm?","(The scanner shows a field with the forest in the background.)","BARBARA: Ian, look! Fields, crops... It's fully cultivated!","IAN: Yes. Pity it's so dark. I can't see a sign of any buildings.","BARBARA: You know, it reminds me of a holiday I once took - In Somerset.","DOCTOR: Then I expect it is Somerset, my dear. Well, if you're going, be off with you.","IAN: Look Doctor, I think I'd be better if you came with us, at least to explore.","(As he speaks the doors swing open.)","DOCTOR: It's out of the question. I refuse to leave the ship.","IAN: Maybe you have succeeded. Maybe we are where you say we are. But, I remember an occasion when you took us home once before.","BARBARA: (Laughing.) Yes, and we met Marco Polo!","DOCTOR: Entirely different circumstances! I'm rather tired of your insinuations that I am not master of this craft. Oh, I admit, it did develop a fault - a minor fault on one occasion, perhaps twice. But, nothing I couldn't control!","IAN: I know that. Of course you're in control. You're always in control. And I'm sure you could revisit us at any time.","DOCTOR: Very simple. Quite simple!","IAN: Exactly, quite simple. But you have your important researches to complete. You may not find the time. There's a chance that we won't meet again. Don't you think it would be better if we parted under more friendly circumstances, say, over a drink?","DOCTOR: (Reluctantly.) Yes. Yes, well perhaps, since you put it that way, an hour or two won't come amiss. Susan! Bring my stick will you?","(Susan returns with his stick.)","SUSAN: Yes, grandfather?","DOCTOR: I'm going to see Ian and Barbara back home safely.","(The Doctor leads the other three, all excited out of the TARDIS.)","BARBARA: Well done, Ian. I say, do you think we really are home?","IAN: I don't know. Won't take us long to find out, will it? Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","3. FOREST","(The Doctor locks the TARDIS door then joins the others who are standing nearby.)","DOCTOR: Well?","BARBARA: Well, those crops suggest a manor or farmhouse. It should be reasonably close.","SUSAN: It's very warm, isn't it? It must be summertime.","DOCTOR: Mmm.","SUSAN: Ian?","IAN: Yes?","SUSAN: Why aren't there any lights?","IAN: That's a point. It's dusk, and we've got a very good view from here.","BARBARA: Well, towns and villages can be well-spaced, even in England.","DOCTOR: Are we going to stand here talking all night, hmm?","(He begins to walk off we suddenly one of the bushes near them rustles noticeably.)","IAN: (Whispering) All right, Susan, I saw it. Keep talking.","SUSAN: (Whispering) All right. Be careful though.","(Ian heads off towards it.)","BARBARA: Did you see what it was?","SUSAN: No I didn't.","DOCTOR: Perhaps it was a rabbit. Do you know, Chesterton's getting quite jumpy these days. Young man like him shouldn't (Stutters.) suffer from nerves.","(Some muffled cries emerge from the bush.)","BARBARA: Well, that rabbit of yours is putting up quite a fight.","(Ian returns, grabbing a young boy by the scruff of the neck. His clothes are little more than dirty rags.)","BARBARA: Ian, you're hurting him!","IAN: Oh, no I'm not!","(He releases the boy.)","DOCTOR: Come here, my boy. Where are we? Where do you live, hmm?","SUSAN: Grandfather, you're frightening him! (To the boy.) We're your friends. Don't be afraid.","BARBARA: Look at him. He's absolutely terrified.","IAN: Yes. Of us or of something else?","DOCTOR: (To the boy.) Come along! Answer my questions, boy!","JEAN PIERRE: Please, I've done nothing.","IAN: We're not going to hurt you.","BARBARA: No, of course, we're not. Look, we've lost our way and we need you help. This is England, isn't it?","JEAN PIERRE: England? No, France.","IAN: France! Well, how far from Paris?","JEAN PIERRE: Not far. Twelve kilometres.","IAN: Well, that's something, I suppose.","DOCTOR: Hmm, hmm, hmm. Paris, eh? Hmm. A hundred miles or so, either way is to be expected. After all it's only a fraction of the distance we've covered. It's quite accurate, in fact.","IAN: Yes. Assuming the distance is our only error. You know Doctor, I have a feeling you've been building up our hopes again.","DOCTOR: Oh, nonsense. Let's have a word with the boy. Now look here, my boy.","(Jean Pierre makes a break for it.)","DOCTOR: Now, hold him!","(Ian tries to block his way but is simply pushed over.)","IAN: We lost him.","DOCTOR: (Dryly.) You don't say.","(Ian clambers to his feet.)","IAN: Pity. Probably knows these woods like the back of his hand.","SUSAN: I wonder why he was so afraid.","[SCENE_BREAK]","4. COURTYARD OUTSIDE A HOUSE","(Barrels and ladders are stacked against the wall. Jean Pierre opens a small gate, looks furtively around and knocks on the only door. It is opened and a hand pulls him inside.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","5. FOREST","(The others are pushing their way through the forest. The Doctor stops and points ahead with his stick.)","DOCTOR: Chesterton, there's a house. Look. Straight ahead of us.","IAN: Yes. What do you make of it, Barbara?","BARBARA: Well, it looks deserted. You know, I'm certain we're sometime in the past.","IAN: Yes. Well, we were a hundred miles out. Perhaps we're a hundred years out.","DOCTOR: (Dismissively.) Oh, rubbish, rubbish.","BARBARA: Well, it's possible.","IAN: You know, I think we ought to get back to the ship while we still can.","DOCTOR: Nonsense. It was your idea to explore, anyway. (Pointing to the house.) Besides, that might be very interesting. Walk will do us good.","(The Doctor leads Susan off. Ian and Barbara lag behind.)","SUSAN: Come on you two! You don't want to be lost in the dark.","IAN: Don't worry, we're right behind you.","BARBARA: (To Ian.) Well, we're still not home.","IAN: No, we're not, are we? Still, I do think he tried this time, even if it was out of bad temper.","BARBARA: So we stay with the ship.","IAN: Yes. Cheered Susan up, hasn't it?","BARBARA: Well, are you disappointed?","IAN: Mmm. Funny enough, no. I don't know. Depends where we are. I still could be.","SUSAN: (Calling.) Ian! Barbara!","BARBARA: Well, we'd better join the others.","[SCENE_BREAK]","6. COURTYARD OUTSIDE THE HOUSE","(The Doctor and Susan open the gate and look around them, cautiously.)","DOCTOR: It looks uninhabited. I wonder if we can get in?","(He goes over to the door. Susan waits and they are soon joined by Ian and Barbara.)","BARBARA: Did you find anything","SUSAN: Not yet. Grandfather's seeing if he can get in.","IAN: Oh, is he now?","SUSAN: Mmm.","(Ian joins the Doctor who is peering through the keyhole and taps him on the shoulder.)","IAN: Doctor?","DOCTOR: I... I say, take a look through there will you. I think your eyes are sharper than mine.","(Ian peers through.)","IAN: Too dark to see anything, Doctor. No, I don't think anyone's lived here for years.","(He turns around to find the Doctor gone.)","IAN: Doctor? Doctor?","(He turns round a corner in the wall and finds the Doctor there. The Doctor gestures to another door he has found.)","DOCTOR: We're in luck. The door's unlocked.","IAN: Ah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","7. INSIDE THE HOUSE, DOWNSTAIRS","(They enter and stumble around the pitch darkness. The Doctor lights a candle, illuminating the place.)","DOCTOR: Look, I'll take upstairs and you search down.","IAN: All right.","(The Doctor takes the candle through a small doorway leaving Ian with another candle. Ian picks it up as Barbara and Susan join him.)","BARBARA: Where's the Doctor?","IAN: He's gone upstairs. Look at this.","(He hands the candle over to Barbara.)","IAN: What do you think a candlestick like that's doing in a place like this?","BARBARA: I don't know.","(Susan has found a chest full of clothes.)","IAN: Huh. Here's a tinderbox.","SUSAN: Hey, look at this!","(She hands the clothes to Barbara who examines them.)","BARBARA: Hey, this is eighteenth century!","(Susan pulls out more.)","SUSAN: Look at this one!","BARBARA: You know, there's a whole wardrobe here. Look, they're all different sizes too.","(Ian has found some bundles.)","IAN: Look at these bundles. Bottles of wine.","(He opens one.)","IAN: Bread. Huh. A bit stale.","BARBARA: There's another bundle over here.","(She unravels some pieces of paper.)","BARBARA: Hey, look at all these maps! There's a whole bunch of daggers down here.","(She holds one up to demonstrate. Ian has found some more paper.)","IAN: These documents - official documents - undated and the name is left blank. They're passes, Barbara.","BARBARA: Yes, but nobody lives here. I mean, look at the dust everywhere.","IAN: This is a stopping off place. A link in some escape chain.","(He hands one of the passes to Barbara.)","IAN: Here, look at this.","(Barbara reads it and grips Ian's arm.)","BARBARA: Ian, this is signed by Robespierre!","IAN: (Chuckling.) Robespierre? Huh, huh. Must be a f...","(He sees that it is also written on the other papers.)","IAN: Oh, wait a minute. The Doctor's put us down right in the middle of the French Revolution.","BARBARA: Yes. The Reign of Terror.","[SCENE_BREAK]","8. INSIDE THE HOUSE, UPSTAIRS","(The Doctor is exploring in the darkness, only dimly lit by his candle. Suddenly he is hit from behind by an unseen assailant and collapses unconscious.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","9. INSIDE THE HOUSE, DOWNSTAIRS","(Susan, Ian and Barbara are now wearing some of the period clothing and making final adjustments to it. Ian calls through the small door.)","IAN: Doctor? Doctor?","BARBARA: (To Ian.) How do I look?","IAN: Oh, very pretty, mademoiselle.","[SCENE_BREAK]","a bit modern but it's all right. It was a good idea to change into these clothes. We won't look so conspicuous when we go back to the ship.","SUSAN: We might not get back to the ship if grandfather hears we're in the Reign of Terror.","IAN: Why not?","SUSAN: It's his favourite period in the history of Earth.","(Susan wanders off and Ian sighs.)","IAN: Not getting very far, are we? What on Earth's he doing up there? Come on. Let's go and find him.","(He picks up the candle and the three of them turn only to be confronted by two men. The closest is covering them with a gun. He nods to the candle.)","ROUVRAY: Don't move. Please put that on the table.","(Ian hands it to Barbara who does so.)","ROUVRAY: Thank you. What are you doing here?","(The other man speaks to Rouvray urgently.)","D'ARGENSON: Don't waste time, Rouvray. Kill them. They're after us.","ROUVRAY: I think not, (To the travellers.) but I would advise you to answer the question.","BARBARA: We're travellers.","SUSAN: We only stopped here so we could find our way.","ROUVRAY: At a deserted house?","D'ARGENSON: You'll gain nothing by this questioning. We should be moving on!","ROUVRAY: Patience, d'Argenson, even in these troubled times our visitors have the right of an explanation, even if our enemies do not accord such privileges.","IAN: We're not your enemies. We are what we say we are - travellers.","ROUVRAY: When you entered our hideout, you entered our lives. Do you travel alone?","BARBARA: Yes.","D'ARGENSON: You see, they lie!","ROUVRAY: We found the old man upstairs, do not count on his assistance.","SUSAN: (Angrily.) What have you done with him?","(Ian has to restrain her.)","ROUVRAY: At the moment he's safe. It was in your power to see that he came to no harm. But, your answer proves that you do not speak truthfully, there is something you are concealing.","IAN: It doesn't concern you.","D'ARGENSON: (Moaning.) We must be leaving now. The soldiers will have followed!","ROUVRAY: In France now, there are only two sides. You're either with us or against us. Our allegiances are obvious, we want to know yours.","BARBARA: We appreciate what you say but we have no side. We're not even French.","ROUVRAY: A word of warning. If you intend to stay in France you will have to choose.","(He puts his gun away.)","D'ARGENSON: (Protesting.) We cannot trust them now!","ROUVRAY: If we are to escape from France, we must have faith! If all people are incapable of our trust, we shall take the Terror with us!","SUSAN: Where is my grandfather?","ROUVRAY: The old man? D'Argenson, go...","IAN: Shh!","(The sound of many people talking comes from outside.)","IAN: Listen.","[SCENE_BREAK]","10. FOREST","(It is now dark. The Revolutionary army, dressed in rag-tag uniforms, approaches the house.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","11. INSIDE THE HOUSE, DOWNSTAIRS","D'ARGENSON: (Panicked.) The soldiers! They've found us!","ROUVRAY: (Whispers.) Quiet.","(Ian and Rouvray take up positions by the main doorway.)","D'ARGENSON: But they'll take us to Paris to the guillotine.","[SCENE_BREAK]",". My whole family were executed, even my younger sister. They came to the house while I was out and they dragged them away. Rouvray, we must go while we have the chance!","ROUVRAY: They will see us. Our only hope is to stay here and hide. They may pass.","IAN: They're coming in.","D'ARGENSON: (Shouting.) It will be the guillotine for all of us!","ROUVRAY: D'Argenson. D'Argenson, quiet!","(Rouvray pulls out his gun again.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","12. COURTYARD OUTSIDE THE HOUSE","(The soldiers enter the yard.)","SERGEANT: Wait here! (To the lieutenant.) The pigs will still be running. They won't have stopped yet.","LIEUTENANT: And this is their route according to our information, sergeant. They could be hiding in this house.","SERGEANT: I'll have the men search the place.","LIEUTENANT: No. No, let's let them rest. They've had a long march. We'll cover the back.","SERGEANT: We'll block their escape!","LIEUTENANT: If they are in there, we can let them suffer the waiting.","(The sergeant turns to a scruffy looking man with an eyepatch.)","SERGEANT: You. Round the back.","SOLDIER: Go yourself. (Mockingly.) Citizen!","(The other soldiers laugh.)","SERGEANT: And if they run, you'll have the chance of stopping them.","SOLDIER: Yes. It's a long time since I had a royalist to myself!","SERGEANT: Keep your eyes open!","(He bursts into laughter.)","SOLDIER: (Coldly.) Don't worry. They won't get past me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","13. INSIDE THE HOUSE, DOWNSTAIRS","IAN: They're not coming in.","ROUVRAY: No. The intention is to break our nerve.","[SCENE_BREAK]","14. COURTYARD OUTSIDE THE HOUSE","(The soldiers wait patiently for anything to happen.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","15. INSIDE THE HOUSE, DOWNSTAIRS","(Rouvray is telling his story to Ian.)","ROUVRAY: ...and then we were warned to leave, or face arrest and execution. Friends warn us, and friends denounce us.","IAN: Hmm. It seems the soldiers followed you. Who knew you were taking this road?","ROUVRAY: Who indeed. It's difficult to have secrets these days.","(Susan and Barbara approach them.)","SUSAN: Ian. Grandfather.","ROUVRAY: The old man? He's upstairs somewhere. D'Argenson? You dealt with him.","(D'Argenson simply shakes his head.)","IAN: Never mind. I'll find him.","(Ian leads Susan and Barbara off. When Rouvray's back is turned, D'Argenson opens the door. Rouvray sees him.)","ROUVRAY: D'Argenson! Come back! You fool!","(D'Argenson rushes out.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","16. COURTYARD OUTSIDE THE HOUSE","(D'Argenson pauses just outside. the soldiers wait in anticipation. Rouvray calmly walks out and joins his friend.)","LIEUTENANT: Sergeant!",": Rouvray.","ROUVRAY: (To the soldiers) Don't move! And get away from that man.","LIEUTENANT: Take him!","ROUVRAY: You'll listen to me!","(The soldiers remain still.)","LIEUTENANT: So Rouvray, your voice still carries authority. Even to my soldiers!","ROUVRAY: (To one soldier.) You. Come here. Give it to me.","(The soldier gives Rouvray his gun. Rouvray throws it to the ground.)","ROUVRAY: (To the lieutenant.) You can give them uniforms, lieutenant, but they remain peasants underneath.","(A soldier next to the lieutenant raises his gun and fires it at Rouvray. He falls dead.)","SOLDIER: Let's get the other one! Hold him! Hold him!","(D'Argenson tries to make a brake for it, but the soldiers manage to overpower him. The lieutenant kneels over the body of Rouvray.)","LIEUTENANT: A desperate attempt. And it very nearly worked.","(A gunshot echoes from where the soldiers have captured D'Argenson. They all laugh.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","17. INSIDE THE HOUSE, UPSTAIRS","(Ian is looking around.)","IAN: Doctor? Doctor? Where are you?","[SCENE_BREAK]","18. INSIDE THE HOUSE, A SMALL ROOM UPSTAIRS","(The Doctor lies completely still. Suddenly Susan's scream is heard.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","19. INSIDE THE HOUSE, DOWNSTAIRS","(Ian cautiously emerges from the doorway to the stairs only to be grabbed by the soldier with the eyepatch who already has Susan and Barbara. The soldier covers them with his gun while the lieutenant walks out of the shadows.)","LIEUTENANT: Well, my sergeant was right. It did pay us to look in the house.","IAN: We are not...","LIEUTENANT: Silence! (To the soldier.) If any of them speak again without permission, shoot them.","(The sergeant enters.)","SERGEANT: The bodies have been removed, lieutenant.","(He points to the travelers.)","SERGEANT: What about these?","LIEUTENANT: Outside.","SERGEANT: Go on, you heard the lieutenant, move!","SOLDIER: Outside into the courtyard.","(He pushes them out.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","20. INSIDE THE HOUSE, A SMALL ROOM UPSTAIRS","(The Doctor begins to stir.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","21. COURTYARD OUTSIDE THE HOUSE","(Susan, Ian and Barbara are lined up with their backs against the wall, a firing squad in front of them. The sergeant stands between them.)","SERGEANT: Load muskets!","SOLDIER: We already have. Get out the way.","(The lieutenant emerges from the house.)","LIEUTENANT: Stop! We take them to Paris.","SOLDIER: No, we'll shoot them here.","LIEUTENANT: We've got the men we came for.","SOLDIER: Yes, and more. I say we kill them.","(The other soldiers murmur in agreement.)","LIEUTENANT: Now listen. Listen. We also want credit for our additional prisoners. Lemaitre may not believe us if he does not see them for himself.","SOLDIER: That's true!","SERGEANT: But, there may be a reward.","SOLDIER: That's right. Perhaps there his a reward!","LIEUTENANT: And besides, why should we do what Madame Guillotine can do so much better?","SOLDIER: Let's take them to Paris to the guillotine! (To the prisoners.) Move!","(The prisoners are escorted away from the house. The sergeant and the soldier with the eyepatch are the last to leave. Suddenly the sergeant stops.)","SERGEANT: Wait! We'll burn the house down!","(He runs to the front of the procession and returns a few moments later with a blazing torch. He hurls it into a pile of hay, which gradually begins to catch fire.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","22. INSIDE THE HOUSE, A SMALL ROOM UPSTAIRS","(The Doctor slowly clambers to his feet. Smoke begins to pour through the floorboards. He desperately attempts to open the door but it is locked.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","23. COURTYARD OUTSIDE THE HOUSE","(The fire continues to spread.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","24. FOREST","(Susan, Barbara and Ian are being led along by the soldiers.)","SUSAN: Is there no sign of him?","(The three of them look back towards the house.)","BARBARA: (In alarm.) The house! Look at the house!","(The soldiers laugh.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","25. HOUSE","(The blaze now virtually covers the house.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","26. FOREST","SUSAN: What about grandfather!?","BARBARA: I'm sure he got out of it.","IAN: I hope so, for all our sakes.","SOLDIER: Get moving!","(Reluctantly they continue their march, unaware that they are being watched by Jean Pierre. He looks back at the house.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","27. INSIDE THE HOUSE, A SMALL ROOM UPSTAIRS","(The Doctor is choking on the smoke.)","DOCTOR: Help! Help! Can you hear me? Get me out!","(The smoke finally gets the better of him and he collapses.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","28. HOUSE","(The blaze continues.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","29. INSIDE THE HOUSE, A SMALL ROOM UPSTAIRS","(The Doctor still lies unconscious.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","30. HOUSE","(The flames continue to burn into the night sky.)"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"01x37","Episode Title":"A Land of Fear","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_02x03.json","Recap":["The doors of the TARDIS open of their own accord just before it materialises, running out of control. On emerging, the travelers find the ship has been reduced in size and they are now only about an inch tall. As tiny people, they stumble across a plot by a ruthless businessman,Forester, and his misguided scientist colleague, Smithers, to launch a new insecticide, DN6 - a product so destructive that it would kill not only those insects harmful to agriculture but also those vital to it. Forester is willing to commit murder to ensure the success of his business, as civil servant Arnold Farrow discovers to his cost. The criminals are brought to justice when the Doctor and his friends - hampered by the fact that Barbara is ill from the insecticide - tamper with the telephone in Smithers' laboratory, fuelling the suspicions of the local exchange operator, Hilda Rowse, who sends her police constable husband Bert to investigate."],"Transcript":["Planet of Giants","[SCENE_BREAK]","By Louis Marks","5:15pm - 5:40pm","[SCENE_BREAK]","1, INT: TABLETOP","(Ian ventures out of the briefcase where he and Barbara have found themselves again, Barbara joins him. Ian squints into the distance.)","IAN: Barbara, he's standing at the sink. I can see him standing at the sink. He's turned the tap on!","[SCENE_BREAK]","2, INT: DRAINPIPE","(The Doctor and Susan huddle together in beneath the plug as they hear water flood the sink above them.)","DOCTOR: Quickly Susan, into the overflow pipe!","(The Doctor and Susan rush over to the small crevice to the side of the pipe.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","3, INT: LABORATORY","(Smithers fills the sink half full and washes his hands. He then pulls out the plug and walks off. With a gurgling sound the water spirals away into the drain.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4, INT: DRAINPIPE","(Susan and the Doctor press themselves against the far wall in the safety of the overflow pipe as a torrent of water gushes downwards. After the water has gone Susan breathes a sigh of relief.)","DOCTOR: They've put the plug back in again.","SUSAN: Oh at least we're safe here.","DOCTOR: Yeah. If they fill that sink with any more water...","SUSAN: Yes of course! It'll come in here, down the overflow pipe!","DOCTOR: Exactly!","[SCENE_BREAK]","5, INT: TABLETOP\/SINKTOP\/SINK","(Ian and Barbara huddle behind the dish of seeds. They hear a long drawn out series of low thuds.)","IAN: I'm getting used to these sounds. I think that last one must have been the door closing.","BARBARA: Are you sure they have gone?","IAN: I'm not sure of anything Barbara.","BARBARA: Ian, the Doctor and Susan, they must have been drowned.","IAN: We don't know. We must go and find out.","(Ian moves across over to the sinktop, skips over the edge of the sink and climbs down the plug-chain. Barbara moves to follow him. She struggles a little at the top, Ian keeps climbing down.)","IAN VO: Stay up there if you want to.","BARBARA: No I'm coming with you.","IAN VO: Alright.","BARBARA: Hey, you go on.","(Ian reaches sink level and looks up. Satisfying himself that Barbara is alright, he moves to the plughole and peers down. Seeing nothing he walks around and peers down again. Barbara lands and moves over to where Ian is kneeling peering into the gaping maw of the plughole.)","BARBARA: Anything?","IAN: No. Too dark to see. I'm afraid there's not much hope Barbara.","(They get up and Barbara walks across the sink a little dazed.)","BARBARA: What do we do? I mean, that's it, what can we do?","(A familiar voice interrupts the morbid silence.)","SUSAN: Knew they'd be alright Grandfather!","BARBARA: Susan!","IAN: I don't believe it!","DOCTOR: There we are you see, my friends. You can't get rid of us as easily as all that, eh!","(Susan laughs as she, Barbara and Ian helps Doctor up and they reunite themselves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","6, INT: STUDY","(Smithers is sitting in an armchair smoking a cigarette and Forester is sitting at a desk. Forester holds up a sheaf of papers.)","FORESTER: Yeah...there we are. The report is ready.","SMITHERS: Alright. Well what are you doing now?","FORESTER: The report itself isn't final enough, Farrow would have telephoned it in to his department.","SMITHERS: But you can't do that! You'll give yourself away! They'll know it isn't him speaking!","FORESTER: You leave this side of it to me.","(Forester hushes Smithers with a wave of his hand.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","7, INT: POST OFFICE","(The interior of the Post office is a muddle, quite plainly spilling into the living space of the house. On the rear wall is a set of half filled pigeon holes, and a stack of crates and various rolls of paper. Through the door is the back of the post office counter. To the front of the room there is a relatively clear desk accommodating an assortment of paper and rubber stamps and chair upon which a policeman's jacket is draped. Beside a large piece of telephone-exchange equipment in the corner a woman of autumnal years sits reading a paper. As the machine buzzes repeatedly, she lays aside her paper and plugs a receiver into the exchange.)","HILDA: Stranger operator here. Hello? Yes. London, yes... Whitehall. W-H-I. Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","8, INT: STUDY","FORESTER: ...Eight-seven. Thank you.","SMITHERS: How do you know who to speak to?","FORESTER: I've been dealing with these people for years.","[SCENE_BREAK]","9, INT: POST OFFICE","HILDA: Three-eight-seven? Yes, hold on, I've a call for you. Go ahead please.","(In the background a rather portly \"Dixon of Dock-Green\" type shambles through the back of the post office counter, and enters the exchange room, adjusting at the sleeves of his neat white shirt.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","10, INT: STUDY","FORESTER: Hello is Mr Whitmore there please? Arnold Farrow speaking. Yes. Oh hello, how are you? Good, I'll hold on.","(He covers the receiver with his hand.)","FORESTER: The secretary asked me how I was. Told you it would be alright!","[SCENE_BREAK]","11, INT: POST OFFICE","(Hilda is sitting at the exchange idly listening in to the call.)","HILDA: Doesn't sound like Mr Farrow at all!","(The man takes the Policeman's jacket from the chair and pulls it on.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","12, INT: STUDY","FORESTER: The tests are very satisfactory, I'm sending in my report. Hah-ha, yes it is a bad line isn't it? Well... I would say that DN6 as they call it is about a sixty percent improvement on normal insecticide. Yes, I know I'm not usually so enthusiastic, but this is really extraordinary! Mm, crossing over to France tonight. And I'll send in the report, will you send in the authorisation? Good, I'll tell Forester. Yes, goodbye.","SMITHERS: Well?","FORESTER: Perfect. As soon as they get the r-report, we'll get the go ahead.","[SCENE_BREAK]","13, INT: TABLETOP","(A little way along the table Ian comes across a huge writing pad covered in scribbles.)","IAN: Certainly wasn't here before.","SUSAN: Half drawing and half writing. Ian it's a formula!","IAN: Yes, I believe you're right Susan!","BARBARA: Do you think it's the formula to the insecticide, Doctor?","DOCTOR: Perhaps.","BARBARA: Well if it is it can tell us what we're fighting against, we might even find a cure.","DOCTOR: A cure?! What's the good of that?","BARBARA: I dunno...","IAN: Well neither do I, if we're going to do anything at all we must stop it!","SUSAN: Yes, Ian's right, Barbara. You only need a cure if someone's infected, what we've got to do it to stop it being produced.","BARBARA: Yes alright!","DOCTOR: Well I think we should take a closer look at this oversized document, the more we know about the enemy, the better.","IAN: Well those things up there are definitely molecular structures.","DOCTOR: Yes you're quite right, my boy. I only wish I could see it more with a whole...","BARBARA: Well couldn't we, ah, lever it up in some way, stand back and have a look at it?","DOCTOR: Mm-mm.","SUSAN: Yes, it would be like a huge advertising poster wouldn't it?","IAN: I'm afraid it's far too heavy, we'd never lift it.","DOCTOR: Let me have the notebook, child. No, we shall have to make a map of this. Now Chesterton, you start marking off a section with your feet, will you?","IAN: Yeah.","DOCTOR: And Susan and Barbara, I want you to call out to me what you see written beneath you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Fades to black, then fades in again with the Doctor examining his notebook curiously.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Yes, yes. This is the insecticide quite clearly. A bit rough of course, but it tells us the story.","(The Doctor hands the book to Ian who examines it.)","IAN: Yeah. I'm not very well up in this Doctor, but, er, isn't that phosphoric acid?","(The Doctor points to the book.)","DOCTOR: Now this indicates the amount of organic esters...","IAN: Yeah, and this is mineral nitrates...","DOCTOR: Mm-hm.","IAN: And... Ah, that's about as far as I go I'm afraid.","DOCTOR: My dear boy this formula's quite clear look, with one vital difference. The inventor has made the insecticide everlasting!","SUSAN: That means it would seep into the soil.","IAN: Get into the drinking water.","BARBARA: Er, what about human beings?","DOCTOR: Well given sufficient quantity of course it's capable of killing human beings.","BARBARA: Yes, if-if they drink and eat infected food and water.","DOCTOR: Yes, or even coming in contact with it.","IAN: Penetrating the skin to get into the bloodstream.","BARBARA: Oh then why do we go on just sitting..!","DOCTOR: Now, now, now, my dear. Gently, gently.","BARBARA: I'm sorry.","SUSAN: Barbara, are you alright?","BARBARA: Yes, I-I feel a bit giddy. I-I think I must be hungry.","DOCTOR: Now there's another point to consider my dear boy, eating - we can't! Even if we do find food here.","IAN: Yes, well, the less we talk about food the more I'll like it.","DOCTOR: We can go back to the sink of course, the water in the tap is quite safe.","IAN: Well, there's no need for all of us to go. I'll go and fetch some.","DOCTOR: Ah, but I want to go into that direction. You see, there's something over there that might be the solution to all this business.","IAN: Oh what's that?","DOCTOR: A telephone, my dear, mm?","IAN: Ah. Come on then, let's go.","(Fades to black.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","14, INT: TABLETOP","(We fade in to the TARDIS crew standing before an ordinary black bakelite telephone that could happily house one or two families inside it. To one side is a gaping hole where a cloth wire is fed into the body of the phone, and to the side, bunches and bunches of extension is piled up beside the phone in a spongy staircase.)","IAN: Mm, it's climbable.","SUSAN: Yes. The thing is my boy, how heavy is that receiver mm?","IAN: Ehh.","SUSAN: Grandfather,","DOCTOR: Mm?","(Barbara and Susan walk over carrying a cork between them.)","SUSAN: I think I've got just the thing, look. We can push this underneath the receiver.","DOCTOR: Mm.","BARBARA: Yes, there are..there are, there are lots more over there.","(Barbara wobbles on her feet.)","IAN: Hey, are you alright?","BARBARA: Yes, I'm fine. I told you, I haven't eaten for ages, I-I think that's what it must be. Don't make a fuss!","IAN: Well Susan, ah, you and I will do the climbing, eh?","SUSAN: Yes alright.","IAN: Ah, Doctor?","DOCTOR: Ah?","IAN: Pass this up to Susan, and she can then pass it on up to me.","DOCTOR: Very well.","IAN: Right, I'll get started.","(Ian and Susan climb up the mounds of cloth telephone wire by the side of the phone.)","SUSAN: Can you manage alright?","IAN: Yes, I can make it.","DOCTOR: Oh, er, oh Barbara, would you mind bringing another one of these, please?","(He hefts a cork on his own, and with a very great effort he heaves it up to Susan who struggles it up to Ian.)","DOCTOR: Ah, thanks my dear. You look very tired.","BARBARA: Yes I am a bit.","DOCTOR: Well we can manage. You just sit down and rest for a while, mm?","(Ian stands high up on the telephone plate opposite the receiver, and places the first cork down and dusts his hands.)","IAN: Right you'd better all come up now.","SUSAN VO: COMING! Grandfather! Barbara!","(The Doctor and Susan appear up on the plate.)","DOCTOR: Do you think er, we three could manage eh?","IAN: Why?","DOCTOR: Well, I don't think Barbara's quite up to it.","IAN: Oh alright, well we can try.","BARBARA: It's alright, I'm here.","IAN: Ah good. Now listen Susan, we're going to try and lift this end.","SUSAN: Mm-hm.","IAN: Now you, when we get it lifted up, push this cork underneath.","SUSAN: Alright.","IAN: Alright.","SUSAN: Yes.","IAN: Now, you ready?","DOCTOR: Yes yes yes yes.","IAN: Barbara?","BARBARA: Yes","IAN: Right, now, lift!","(They all heave at the telephone receiver, but it doesn't budge. They heave again and it wobbles.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","15, INT: LABORATORY","(The left end of the telephone moves slightly.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","16, INT: TABLETOP","BARBARA: Ah...","DOCTOR: Oh!","IAN: Quickly!","(Just as they are about to drop the receiver again, Susan slips a cork under it. They all breathe again in succession.)","IAN: Ah!","SUSAN: Ah!","DOCTOR: Ah!","SUSAN: Oh goodness!","IAN: Right,","DOCTOR: Uh!","BARBARA: Whew!","IAN: We'll try the other end now. Now we...","(Ian moves to the opposite end and lifts the cork up.)","IAN: Uh.. There, there we are! Same thing Susan.","(Susan holds the cork in place.)","SUSAN: Uh, thank you, thank...","IAN: Ready now? Lift!","[SCENE_BREAK]","17, INT: LABORATORY","(The right end of the telephone moves this time.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","18, INT: TABLETOP","SUSAN: Uh..Right..oh!","IAN: Oh!","SUSAN: Uh! Oh. We did it!","(Susan and the others rest for a while, all exhausted by the effort of lifting the receiver a little way.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","19, INT: POST OFFICE","(The telephone exchange begins to buzz again, Bert is trying to read a paper, but not having much success.)","BERT: Hilda! Come and answer this thing, it's driving me mad!","(Hilda glances at the equipment as she enters.)","HILDA: It's the old farmhouse again.","(She sits down and struggles the headset on, then plugs herself in.)","HILDA: Hello? Ah... What number do you want?","[SCENE_BREAK]","20, INT: TABLETOP","(Still on the plate, the three yell into the mouthpiece of the receiver as loud as they can and Barbara listens into the earpiece.)","DOCTOR\/IAN\/SUSAN: CAN YOU HEAR US?!!","HILDA: WOORRRRLLLLLL...WHHA..WORRLLLWHAAA...?","(They stop for a moment, but Barbara doesn't really understand.)","DOCTOR\/IAN\/SUSAN: PUT US THROUGH TO POLICE!!","IAN: Any luck?","BARBARA: No... No nothing at all.","(Barbara pants heavily and falls to the floor of the receiver-plate.)","IAN: We can't have failed after having tried so hard!","DOCTOR: Yes I'm afraid that we have, and it's my fault. I thought it was worth trying!","(He shakes his head sadly.)","IAN: Well we must try again!","DOCTOR: Ahh..","(He waves a dissuading hand.)","SUSAN: Oh Ian, I don't think It'll do any good.","IAN: Well we must try, we must try! I'll go and tell Barbara.","(The Doctor Nods silently and Ian walks across the phone. Barbara is sitting down looking at her green stained hands trying to work off the insecticide with Ian's handkerchief, but not succeeding. She looks about to burst into tears when Ian turns up.)","IAN: Hey! You've been overdoing things.","BARBARA: Yes... Yes, I-I think I have.","IAN: I'll go and get you some water it'll freshen you up, eh?","BARBARA: Thank you","(He moves to take the handkerchief, but Barbara snatches it away.)","BARBARA: What are you doing?","IAN: I want your handkerchief. I was going to...","BARBARA: No!","IAN: What's the matter?","BARBARA: You can't have it, you mustn't touch it!","IAN: Barbara!","(The Doctor and Susan join them.)","BARBARA: No-one must touch...","(She keels over in a dead faint.)","SUSAN: Barbara!","(Very carefully the Doctor pulls out a pencil and picks up the handkerchief with it, he gives it a sniff and so does Ian.)","DOCTOR: There, it's the same aroma! Insecticide. You didn't eat or drink anything?","IAN: Well no, certainly not!","(The Doctor takes hold of one of Barbara's wrists and examines her hand.)","DOCTOR: Shes got insecticide on her hands, she touched it.","IAN: Well she never told me, I never saw her do this! I... She did borrow my handkerchief.","DOCTOR: Where were you then?","IAN: By that pile of seeds.","DOCTOR: Yes you sh, you see, she's got it on her hands! And she rubbed it off on your handkerchief!","SUSAN: Oh... Why didn't she tell us?!","IAN: You can help her can't you Doctor?","SUSAN: Grandfather we can do something can't we?","(Barbara's eyes flick open.)","BARBARA: What happened? D-did I..?","IAN: You fainted, that's all.","BARBARA: The insecticide... Is that why I feel like this?","DOCTOR: Yes. You got some of it on your hands and you didn't us tell anything about it! It was very wrong of you wasn't it?","(Barbara sits up.)","BARBARA: Am I... Am I?","DOCTOR: No-no-no, no this little attack...experience is only temporary.","SUSAN: Oh take it easy Barbara,","(The Doctor moves aside as Susan helps Barbara over to one side .)","DOCTOR: Look out.","SUSAN: Come on Barbara take it easy","IAN: Well what can we do for her?","DOCTOR: Well it's urgent that we get her back to normal size, but, ah, at the moment her protective cells are too small to cope with the molecules of poison in her bloodstream. But if we can, that dosage of insecticide will be seventy times less dangerous, practically nothing at all!","IAN: Are you sure?","DOCTOR: Yes I'm quite sure. But we must get her back to the ship.","IAN: What are we waiting for?","(He moves over to Barbara.)","IAN: How are you feeling?","BARBARA: Ooh..a bit ropey. Ooh, could do with a glass of water.","IAN: We're going to take you back to the ship.","BARBARA: Alright, just give me a minute.","IAN: Come on Barbara, we've got a long way to go.","(He turns to the Doctor.)","IAN: You can get us back to normal size?","DOCTOR: Oho, yes! of course I can dear boy, yes, course I can...","(Ian wanders off again. The Doctor sucks in his cheeks and looks concerned.)","DOCTOR: I hope.","[SCENE_BREAK]","21, INT: STUDY","(Forester picks up the receiver of the telephone, and taps the plate a few times, puffing on a cigarette.)","FORESTER: What the devil's wrong with this phone?!","(He puts the receiver down, and jams a cigarette into his mouth, deep in thought.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","22, INT: TABLETOP","IAN: Barbara, you're ill. You've got to let us take you back to the ship. You could die!","(He turns to the Doctor.)","IAN: Doctor make her see some sense!","DOCTOR: There's nothing I can say dear boy. Barbara's quite right.","IAN: Susan?","(Susan turns and hugs Barbara.)","BARBARA: Ian we must find a way to stop this, we must!","[SCENE_BREAK]","23, INT: STUDY","(Forester slams the phone down onto the plate.)","FORESTER: Any other phones around here?","SMITHERS: Uh? Oh, yes, there's one in the lab next to the sink.","FORESTER: Maybe that's where the trouble is. Perhaps the phone's off the hook or something?","SMITHERS: Yes, I'll..I'll go and see.","(He moves off.)","SMITHERS: I want to have a look at Farrow's notes.","FORESTER: Why?","(Smithers leaves apparently not hearing him. He reaches into his pocket and withdraws his spudgun, flipping open the chamber, and then closing it again.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","24, INT: TABLETOP","DOCTOR: Yeah, that's it, we'll cause trouble! Start a fire, my boy!","IAN: Yes... Can we start a big enough one to do any real damage?","DOCTOR: Well we can try anyway. Hah-ha, there's nothing like a good fire eh? Ha-ha-ha... Mm, hm-hm.","(He looks amused.)","IAN: What do you think Barbara","BARBARA: I think it's a good idea. If we could manage to start a fire it would certainly attract people here.","SUSAN: Yes! They'd might find that man's body!","[SCENE_BREAK]","25, EXT: PATIO","(Smithers and Forester walk from the door of the house to the door of the laboratory, and Smithers unlocks the door.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","26, INT: TABLETOP","(Ian Looks up and sees a gas tap.)","IAN: Gas! That's it!","SUSAN: What's it?","IAN: If we could only turn it on.","SUSAN: Well then what?","IAN: I'll soon show you.","(They hear a low rumbling sound and the all freeze like startled rabbits.)","SUSAN: W-look out!","IAN: Quick, behind this water tap!","(They all scurry behind the tap.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","27, INT: LABORATORY","(Smithers and Forester enter the lab.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","28, INT: TABLETOP","(The TARDIS crew slide behind a tap with their backs firmly pressed against the metal.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","29, INT: LABORATORY","(Forester heads straight for the phone. He takes out the corks and examines one.)","FORESTER: Who put these under the phone?","(Smithers sniff his fingers.)","SMITHERS: DN6..it's DN6!","(He wipes his hands on a cloth.)","FORESTER: Come on, I want an explanation! Why did you put these under the phone to stop me using it?!","(The phone begins to ring.)","SMITHERS: Oh that's not important now!","FORESTER: Of course it's important!","SMITHERS: Will you LISTEN to me?!","(Forester picks up the phone.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","30, INT: POST OFFICE","HILDA: O-oh you've replaced your receiver have you Mr Smithers?","FORESTER: This isn't Mr Smithers. The extension was left off, I'm sorry.","HILDA: Is that Mr Farrow?","[SCENE_BREAK]","31, INT: LABORATORY","FORESTER: Farrow? No.","HILDA: Oh the other gentleman, I see. Only I've a call for Mr Farrow.","FORESTER: Oh, er..just a minute.","[SCENE_BREAK]","32, INT: POST OFFICE","BERT: Do you think that you ought to be doing this Hilda?","HILDA: Shh, listen.","[SCENE_BREAK]","33, INT: LABORATORY","(Forester places a handkerchief over the receiver.)","FORESTER: Farrow here. Who is this?","[SCENE_BREAK]","34, INT: POST OFFICE","(Hilda cover the microphone with her hand.)","HILDA: D'you see, it's the same man!","BERT: Get him to talk a bit more.","[SCENE_BREAK]","35, INT: LABORATORY","HILDA: Mr Farrow, I've got a London call for you. Will you accept the charges?","[SCENE_BREAK]","36, INT: POST OFFICE","FORESTER: London? Oh, er... Yes, er, alright.","HILDA: Hold on please.","BERT: Mm, yes, they do sound alike, I must say that. Perhaps I had better go up there..","HILDA: H-hello, er, Mr Farrow.","[SCENE_BREAK]","37, INT: LABORATORY","HILDA: I'm sorry, London has broken the connection, perhaps they'll call again?","FORESTER: Oh, er very well. Thank you.","(He replaces his receiver.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","38, INT: POST OFFICE","HILDA: Bert, it's the same man, no doubt about it!","BERT: Well, we'll soon find out.","(He puts on his Policeman's helmet and walks out.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","39, INT: LABORATORY","(Forester mops his face with his handkerchief, and goes out of the lab.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","40, EXT: GARDEN","(Smithers is tending to the plants in the garden, he looks up a little worried at something he's seen.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","41, INT: TABLETOP","(The Doctor and Susan are tugging at the lever of a gas tap.)","SUSAN: Ooh I, er, think it's moving a bit...","DOCTOR: Now come on, all together!","(Barbara joins in.)","DOCTOR: Wai.. It's coming.","[SCENE_BREAK]","42, INT: TABLETOP","(Ian is wrestling with a match trying to turn it over so that it faces the right way for striking. Susan runs over and joins him.)","SUSAN: Ian!","IAN: Huh?","SUSAN: The tap's ready to turn on now.","IAN: Good. Now, Susan, I've wedged the matchbox against a knothole. What we're going to do is run at the side.","SUSAN: Mm. Oh, like using a battering ram!","IAN: Yes, that's the idea. (He smiles.)","SUSAN: Yes.","IAN: Come on, get a hold of this.","SUSAN: Right.","(She grabs the end of the enormous match.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","43, INT: TABLETOP","DOCTOR: Yes, I.. I think that's got it in about the right angle in this gas jet, mm.","BARBARA: Yes.","DOCTOR: Hm?","BARBARA: Well all we'll succeed in doing is just melting this tin.","DOCTOR: No no no no, I've had a good look at this. This is pressurised, it's a spray kind. Our problem will be..will be, er, to get away, to get away far enough to, er...when it explodes.","BARBARA: Explodes?","DOCTOR: Oh yes, it's going to explode. And when it does it'll go off..well, to us, a-a thousand pound bomb!","[SCENE_BREAK]","44, EXT: GARDEN","SMITHERS: It's killed everything. Everything!","(Behind his crouched form, a pair of neatly suited legs appears from the cottage.)","FORESTER: Smithers!","(Smithers turns.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","45, INT: TABLETOP","(The Doctor is watching Ian and Susan trying to light their match. They take a run up and strike the box from the side, but they barely scrape it and the match remains unlit.)","DOCTOR: No no no, dear boy, try hitting the box at a sharper angle, more force, more pith!","IAN: Doctor, have you ever tried to lift one of these things?","SUSAN: Come on Ian, lets try again.","(Ian and Susan take a run up with the match.","SUSAN VO: Charge!","(As the Doctor and Barbara look on from the gas tap there is an almighty crackle and their faces are lit up.)","BARBARA: They did it!","DOCTOR: Yes! Come on, let's light the gas tap...turn it on!","(He and Barbara both tug the lever.)","IAN: Turn it down a bit, you don't want us burned alive! Uh, Doctor, Barbara, get behind that tap. Get behind...that's it. Take it easy now, breathe.","(He and Susan walk the match slowly towards the tap...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","46, INT: LABORATORY","(The lit end of the match edges closer to the leaking tap. Suddenly a gout of flame spews from the nozzle onto the can.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","47, EXT: GARDEN","FORESTER: And then he told me he couldn't authorise DN6! I had too much money sunk into it. I had to kill him. Once I'd started I had to see it through, all the way!","(He produces his stubby weapon from the confines of his jacket and waves it menacingly at Smithers.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","48, INT: TABLETOP","(The Doctor is watching the flame.)","DOCTOR: Quickly!","(The other three run past him towards cover, he pauses a moment face alit like an evil leprechaun.)","DOCTOR: Won't be long now!","(He chuckles to himself rubbing his hands together, then hurries after the other three.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","49, INT: LABORATORY","(Under the vicious onslaught of the flame from the gas-tap, the paint on the outside of the can, already blackened, begins to blister.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","50, INT: TABLETOP","IAN: Take as much cover as you can, when that thing explodes there'll be metal flying all over the place.","SUSAN: It'll be just like that air-raid Grandfather, do you remember?","DOCTOR: Yes, very well. And what infernal machines those zeppelins were hm!","[SCENE_BREAK]","51, INT: LABORATORY","SMITHERS: Forester, think what you're doing! DN6 is more deadly than radiation! Doesn't that mean anything to you?","FORESTER: Get the briefcase!","(Smithers moves to obey, but smelling burning paint, the scientist immediately looks to see what is happening and notices the can, which is beginning to bulge and warp. Forester moves closer to the can just as it explodes with a loud pop, ripping the metal canister asunder and spaying molten metal and boiling DN6 into Forester's face. The businessman falls to the ground in agony. His own gun levels at him, Smithers has obviously ducked the explosion and recovered it, but before he gets the chance to do anything he feels a long arm on his hand. Bert the Policeman has just arrived on the scene, and relieves an ashamed looking Smithers of the pistol.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","52, INT: TABLETOP","DOCTOR: It's worked, it's worked! Come on, all of you, back to the ship! Susan, you take, er, Barbara. Quickly, quickly.","(The Doctor stoops and picks up one of the seeds in his long cloak.)","IAN: But Doctor, what are you doing, that thing's covered in poison!","DOCTOR: Yes I know it is, I know all about it.","IAN: Well what do you want it for?","DOCTOR: You'd be surprised. (He chuckles mischievously to himself.) Go on, lead on.","(They all exit due sinkwards.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","53, INT: LABORATORY","(Bert pulls Forester to his feet and glances at him. His face is burnt, scalded, lacerated, his eyes are seared shut, but he's still moving.)","BERT: Mm, he'll live. Now I have some questions that need answering, now turn that gas off, you'll kill the lot of us!","(Smithers silently goes to the gas tap and turns it off. He picks up a fragment of the insecticide can from the tabletop and looks at it in bewilderment.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","54, INT: TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM","DOCTOR: We've got to repeat exactly wha..the things that happened to us when we landed.","IAN: Is there anything I can do?","DOCTOR: Yes, that seed over there by the chair. Take it over to the table so that we can all see it. And wrap that round it when you do it.","(He points to his cloak. Ian takes the seed from beside where Barbara is sitting unconscious in a chair, and places it on a table on the other side of the room. The Doctor operates the controls.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","55, EXT: MAIN CLEARING","(Silently the TARDIS fades away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","56, INT: TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM","IAN: Doctor!","DOCTOR: Er!","IAN: Doctor I...","DOCTOR: Shh-sh. I think it's working. Splendid, I think it's working, my boy!","IAN: Doctor, look at that seed!","(They both look at the seed in the Doctors cloak as it begins to shrink until it is virtually non-existent.)","DOCTOR: Yes yes, we've done it! Yes, ha-ha ha-ha, we've done it, yes!","IAN: Doctor, it's incredible, that seed, it's completely vanished!","DOCTOR: No no my dear boy, no. Hah-ha!","(He moves over to the cloak and holds the seed up between his finger and thumb like a magician.)","DOCTOR: Look, can you see, it hasn't vanished at all!","(A little way away Barbara is sitting on an old mahogany chair where she collapsed after the journey back. For the first time she begins to stir, and she opens her eyes seeming to wake up from a deep sleep.)","SUSAN: Barbara?","BARBARA: Mm..mm, I'm so thirsty.","(Susan offers her a glass of water she had previously dialed up.)","SUSAN: There you are, drink that.","(Barbara falls upon the water and drains the glass in a moment.)","BARBARA: Oh, I'd no idea water could taste so good.","(Susan laughs, and the Doctor joins her side.)","DOCTOR: Well well, here we are then, the patient is beginning to look her usual self again, mm? Hah-ha!","(Ian looks the most relieved of them all.)","IAN: Thank you Doctor.","DOCTOR: Not at all my dear boy, always at your service.","BARBARA: Doctor what happened in the laboratory, I don't remember much after the explosion.","DOCTOR: Well I'm happy to say our plan worked, and we didn't have to fire the laboratory. But we did attract attention. Do you know that a policeman came into the room just as I was about to climb down that pipe?","BARBARA: Oh good! Now what about us, can you get us back to normal?","DOCTOR: Yes, there's your answer my dear.","(He produces the seed.)","SUSAN: Grandfather, is that the seed you brought in with you?","DOCTOR: The same seed!","SUSAN: Hah-ha!","BARBARA: Then we are back to normal!","DOCTOR: Completely my dear!","(They all make relieved noises.)","DOCTOR: Now before I check up and see where we are, I suggest you all go and have a good scrub mm?","SUSAN: Oh please!","DOCTOR: Go-on, off you go!","(Ian, Barbara and Susan all sidle off like children who have just come in from playing in the sandpit. The Doctor moves to the console and examines it then he gazes up at the monitor, but all it shows is murky static.)","DOCTOR: Oh dear-dear-dear-dear-dear, now isn't that irritating mm?! I had to repair that wretched thing and now look at it, I can't see a thing!","(The dematerialisation noise echoes through the console room.)","DOCTOR: Wait I... I think we're beginning to materialise, perhaps I shall know now where we are, mm? Hm-hm...","(The Doctor looks at the screen as it flickers away to itself.)"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"02x03","Episode Title":"Crisis","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_02x07.json","Recap":["The TARDIS returns to London; however, it's the 22nd century. With bodies in the river, and quiet in the docklands, the city is a very different place. The Daleks have invaded and it's up to the Doctor to thwart them once again."],"Transcript":["THE DALEK INVASION OF EARTH","5:40pm - 6:05pm","[SCENE_BREAK]","1: EXT. CITY PLAGUE CEMETERY 7","(The ROBOMEN, unseen by the three fugitives, place the box down nearby and then walk off. The three are oblivious to the box and the ticking sound coming from within. It is a bomb. The DOCTOR hears the ticking and holds up a hand for silence.)","DOCTOR: Shh!!","(They all look round, trying to ascertain the source of the sound. SUSAN spots the bomb and leaps to her feet.)","SUSAN: David, over there! (Points.) Look!","(DAVID stands and steps towards the bomb and then turns back to his companions.)","DAVID CAMPBELL: It's one of their firebombs, the robomen must have put it there.","DOCTOR: (Standing up.) I...","(He groans and falls to the ground as DAVID steps onto the terrace where the bomb continues to tick away.)","SUSAN: Grandfather! David, he's passed out.","(DAVID briefly turns back to her but is torn by his need to help SUSAN and the problem of the bomb.)","DAVID CAMPBELL: Argh! It must be the effect of those drugs.","(DAVID looks round the bomb and kneels down to look closer at it. SUSAN joins him.)","SUSAN: He's out of sight. David, what about this bomb, can you dismantle it? I only know about atomic devices.","DAVID CAMPBELL: I don't know. I'll have to try.","SUSAN: (Looking at the central of the three clock like devices.) Well, what's this red mark here?","DAVID CAMPBELL: It's an ignition point, I think.","SUSAN: So, when the needle touches the red part...","DAVID CAMPBELL: That'll be it. I'll have to take a chance. I'm going to try and prise the front off this thing.","(DAVID sticks his knife into the panel on which the clock like devices stands. He pushes but his knife does no good and slips out of his hands. SUSAN panics.)","SUSAN: David! Come on, let's run for it! Quick!","DAVID CAMPBELL: ... Dortmun's bomb's, the acid, it'll burn its way through the casing.","(DAVID reaches into his knapsack for one of the bombs.)","SUSAN: Well, it's our last chance, look at the needle.","DAVID CAMPBELL: Well, get well back, Susan, go on back.","(SUSAN stands to one side. DAVID opens one of the bombs as the ticking reaches a louder and final phase. He pours the acid over the large bomb which hisses as the casing is eaten away. There is a small explosion and smoke pours out of the top of the casing.)","SUSAN: It's burning through.","(DAVID picks up a metal spike lying nearby and pokes the casing in with several jabs. He throws the spike away and grasps the main dial which he then extracts from the casing. As he holds it in his hands, the ticking reaches its end...but there is no explosion. SUSAN runs to him as they both sigh with relief.)","SUSAN: Oh! You did it!","DAVID CAMPBELL: Huh...well, what do we do now? That's the point. We'll have to leave the old man here for a while.","SUSAN: (Standing up in anger.) Leave him!","DAVID CAMPBELL: Well we must! He can't travel can he? What we'll do is this: we'll tell him to hide and then you and I'll find a way out. What we'll do is go through the sewers, (He looks round.) there's got to be a manhole cover around here somewhere.","SUSAN: I don't like the idea of leaving him.","DAVID CAMPBELL: Well, we'll come back for him. Look, the Daleks think this area's in flames. So he'll be safe for an hour.","SUSAN: David, we can't!","DAVID CAMPBELL: It's the only way.","[SCENE_BREAK]","2: INT. CIVIC TRANSPORT MUSEUM","(BARBARA is using a foot-pump to pump up the tyres on a dustvan. JENNY walks up to her.)","JENNY: Alright, I'll take a turn.","(Tired, BARBARA steps off the pump and JENNY takes her place.)","BARBARA: How's the engine look?","JENNY: Well, there's oil in it and the fuel's coming through. The troubles going to be when we try to start it. The noise will bring every Dalek for miles.","BARBARA: Well, that's a risk we'll have to take.","JENNY: (Sharply.) Yes, I know that.","BARBARA: I suppose they use this in parades and exhibitions.","JENNY: Yes, most of the machines at the museum are operational.","BARBARA: It's a pity all the motor cars are on the other floors.","(JENNY steps off the pump and looks up at the van.)","JENNY: You realise we won't get far in this?","BARBARA: Probably.","JENNY: No probably about it. Do you know the route to Bedfordshire?","BARBARA: Yes, I used to...","JENNY: \"Used to\"? What does that mean?","BARBARA: It means I used to live...well, we're...(Unsure how to answer.) we're not very sure how much damage the Daleks have done.","JENNY: (Smiling.) You wait 'til you've seen what they've done to Bedfordshire.","(As she walks away, BARBARA looks pensive.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","3: EXT. MINEWORKINGS","(A DALEK glides past a huge earth moving machine which is partly overgrown with vegetation. As it moves off, IAN and LARRY MADISON come out of hiding from behind the machine and look round their surroundings. Drilling sounds fill the air.)","IAN: I don't know how you're going to find your brother here, Larry.","LARRY MADISON: I gonna have a darn good try.","IAN: If you do find him, what're you going to for him?","LARRY MADISON: Get him away and...he's obsessed with whatever the Daleks are doing. Look!","(LARRY points. A DALEK glides near to a railway. It stops and watches as a wagon is pulled along by a large crowd of exhausted emaciated men and women dressed in rags. ROBOMEN stand in the wagon shouting at the slaves and cracking whips.)","ROBOMAN: Forward!","(The wagon is pulled towards a mine opening.)","ROBOMAN: Forward!","(The slaves continue to pull the wagon past two more DALEKS.)","ROBOMAN: Forward!","(The slaves struggle on...)","ROBOMAN: Forward!","(The wagon is pulled through the mine entrance. IAN points upwards and LARRY sees several mine buckets pulled along a mid-air pulley system across the area of the huge quarry-like mine workings.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4: INT. MINE","(Drills continue to pound at the rock face as underground machinery swings into motion.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","5: EXT. MINEWORKINGS","(As IAN and LARRY continue to observe, an announcement echoes through the air.)","DALEK: (OOV.) Recall meter section 001. Parade for robotisation selection at hut 30. End.","IAN: We'd better get back under cover.","LARRY MADISON: They seem to have moved...","(As they turn to go, they are stopped by the arrival of WELLS, a middle-aged balding man dressed in overalls. He talks in a Somerset accent.)","WELLS: Oy! Who are you two? Aren't you on work detail? Escaped have you? I suppose you know the robomen are on the other side of this machine?","ROBOMAN: (OOV.) Wait!","(Before the ROBOMAN steps into view, WELLS picks up two pickaxes.)","WELLS: (Quietly.) Take these. Leave the talking to me.","ROBOMAN: What...are...these...two...men...doing...here?","WELLS: I took 'em off work detail to help me pick up these tools.","ROBOMAN: Which...work...detail?","WELLS: Uh, I dunno, over that way somewhere...","(WELLS points beyond IAN and LARRY. With glazed eyes, the ROBOMAN looks briefly in that direction then turns back. It walks towards IAN and LARRY, looks over them, then turns to WELLS.)","WELLS: I'll take 'em back with me.","ROBOMAN: Nooo...they...must...come...for...selection.","(The ROBOMAN turns to go, then realises that IAN and LARRY are not following him.)","ROBOMAN: Why...do...you...wait? (He points at the pickaxes.) Pick...up...the...implements...and walk...ahead of...me.","(IAN picks up one of the pickaxes and walks past the ROBOMAN who continues to stare at LARRY.)","ROBOMAN: (To LARRY.) You...too!!","(LARRY does the same as IAN. The ROBOMAN picks up a club off the ground and walks back to WELLS.)","ROBOMAN: You!","(He viscously clubs WELLS to the ground.)","ROBOMAN: In...future, refer...all...decisions...to your...masters.","WELLS: Oh, my head...","(IAN and LARRY run back to help WELLS.)","ROBOMAN: What...are you...doing?","IAN: We can't leave him here.","ROBOMAN: Do not...resist...orders.","IAN: Get new orders.","ROBOMAN: Ahh...","(Unable to deal with this insurrection, the ROBOMAN'S mouth hangs open as sounds emanate from his helmet.)","IAN: Come on Larry, let's take him in here.","(IAN and LARRY pick up WELLS and opening the door, carry him into the earth mover. Behind them, a light on the side of his helmet flashing, the ROBOMAN continues to receive new orders.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","6: INT. EARTHMOVER","(IAN and LARRY look anxiously at a fast recovering WELLS.)","WELLS: I'm alright, it was the only thing I could think of.","IAN: Good man! Get down here. Right?","(LARRY and WELLS crouch down on the floor as IAN picks up a trunction-like stick and stands to one side of the door.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","7: EXT. MINEWORKINGS","(Its instructions complete, the ROBOMAN hoists its rifle and walks into the earth moving machine.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","8: INT. EARTHMOVER","(He stands over LARRY and WELLS as IAN walks up behind him and coshes him to the ground.)","IAN: I think that's taken care of him for a while.","WELLS: (Picking up the rifle.) I'll take care of this. You'll have to get out of here. The Daleks always seem to know when one of the robomen's attacked.","IAN: Yes, probably breaks the radio connection.","WELLS: Your best bet is to mingle in with the working party somehow.","IAN: What about you?","WELLS: Huh, I come 'ere to meet Ashton.","IAN: Ashton?","WELLS: The black marketeer. Nobody knows how he gets into the camp or out again, but he does and smuggles in food as well.","IAN: Ahh, does he?","LARRY MADISON: Look, we don't want to hang about here, Ian.","(WELLS walks over to the door.)","WELLS: Wait 'til I'm clear then make a break for it. We'll meet again after dark.","IAN: That's a good idea. Listen, I'd like to meet this man Ashton. He can probably help me out of the camp. I need to get back to London.","WELLS: London?","LARRY MADISON: He's got friends there.","WELLS: I suppose you know they destroyed it?","(WELLS runs out leaving a shocked IAN behind.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","9: INT. CIVIC TRANSPORT MUSEUM","(BARBARA and JENNY are preparing for their journey.)","JENNY: No Daleks about that I can see. They must have thought Dortmun was on his own.","BARBARA: I remembered to get his notes.","(BARBARA puts the notes into a knapsack that she is packing.)","JENNY: Why did he do it?","BARBARA: Oh, many reasons. Mainly because he wouldn't give in.","JENNY: Oh, what's the point of that? He just threw his life away. It was...so senseless.","BARBARA: (Coldly.) Depends on how you look at it.","JENNY: You've got this romantic idea about resistance. There is nothing heroic about dying. There's no point in throwing lives away just to prove a principle.","BARBARA: (Sharply.) If Dortmun hadn't \"thrown his life away\" we would all be dead. He knew exactly what he was doing. He sacrificed himself so that you and I would have a chance. Come on, we're ready to go.","(BARBARA climbs up into the dustvan and clambers across to the drivers seat. She starts the van up.)","BARBARA: Open the doors.","(JENNY runs out to comply.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","10: EXT. CIVIC TRANSPORT MUSEUM","(Outside, JENNY pauses to look at DORTMUN'S body, then opens the wide doors of the museum. BARBARA drives the van out, JENNY clambers aboard and the van drives off.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","11: INT. SEWERS","(SUSAN and DAVID CAMPBELL are clambering through the darkened, dripping sewers. SUSAN turns her nose up at the smell.)","SUSAN: Smells like an old goat farm.","(DAVID helps her over a ledge.)","SUSAN: Thank you. Eergh!","DAVID CAMPBELL: I think we'd better rest here.","SUSAN: What a good idea.","(SUSAN sits down on another smaller ledge.)","DAVID CAMPBELL: Well, we're not likely to be found down here.","SUSAN: Aren't we?","(She picks up something off the floor and passes it to DAVID.)","SUSAN: Look at this, David. It's an old cartridge. Can't be the Daleks, can it? They don't use guns. David, could the robomen get down here?","DAVID CAMPBELL: No, I don't think so.","SUSAN: Well, it must be friends then.","DAVID CAMPBELL: Not necessarily. Not all human beings are automatically allies. There are people who kill for a few scraps of food.","SUSAN: Survival at all costs...","DAVID CAMPBELL: Yes.","(DAVID examines the magazine of a pistol he is carrying.)","DAVID CAMPBELL: Four bullets. Oh, of course, it's no use against the Daleks, but it will stop anyone else.","SUSAN: No spares?","DAVID CAMPBELL: No. I found this gun and it was all that was in it.","(SUSAN suddenly sees something over DAVID'S shoulder and cries out.)","SUSAN: David!","(A figure is holding a gun on them.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","12: EXT. LONDON STREETS","(The dustvan is making good progress through London, however...)","JENNY: Do you think that Dalek saw us back there?","BARBARA: It must have heard the noise.","JENNY: Then we're in for trouble.","BARBARA: Yes, they're sure to radio ahead. We may have to ditch this at any moment.","(The cart passes a sign which is adorned with the jagged DALEK symbol. As it travels along, BARBARA and JENNY see a DALEK roadblock in the distance.)","BARBARA: Jenny, there's a whole bunch of them ahead of us!","JENNY: Shall we jump for it?","BARBARA: No! I'm going through.","(The four DALEKS blast their guns but BARBARA maintains her speed. The van crashes straight into one of the DALEKS, tearing it in half. The van travels on.)","JENNY: (Joyfully.) We went straight through them! Straight through them!","BARBARA: Yes, it wasn't too bad was it? You know, I rather enjoyed that. We won't be able to stay in this much longer though. They'll be after us with a vengeance now.","[SCENE_BREAK]","13: INT. DALEK SAUCER. CONTROL ROOM","(A radio message is received by two DALEKS in the control room.)","FIRST DALEK: (OOV: over tannoy.) Rebels travelling in motorised vehicle. Have attacked and passed Dalek outer London cordon.","SECOND DALEK: This is saucer alpha major. Am forty five miles south of mining area.","FIRST DALEK: (OOV.) Intercept rebels and destroy.","SECOND DALEK: Position of rebel vehicle? Give position.","[SCENE_BREAK]","14: EXT. DALEK SAUCER","(The DALEK saucer is in full flight...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","15: DALEK SIGNAL","(Pulsing shapes fill a screen...)","FIRST DALEK: South east eight over three seven six. nought nought nine point eight.","[SCENE_BREAK]","16: EXT. LONDON STREETS","(The drone of the saucer is heard over the sound of the engine of the dustvan.)","BARBARA: Jenny, what's that noise?","(JENNY looks out of the window.)","JENNY: There's a saucer overhead.","(BARBARA slams on the pedals and pulls on the handbrake.)","BARBARA: Jump for it.","(They jump out of the van. The DALEK saucer descends and a second later the van is rent by a huge explosion. The saucer rises back into the sky...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","17: INT. SEWER","(SUSAN and DAVID'S would-be attacker is CARL TYLER. They have an excited reunion.)","SUSAN: We were jolly lucky ...","DAVID CAMPBELL: Glad we ran into you down there, Tyler.","SUSAN: Hey David, now that Tyler's here we can go and get Grandfather can't we?","DAVID CAMPBELL: That's a good idea.","CARL TYLER: The Doctor...where is he?","DAVID CAMPBELL: Well, we had to leave him by the old plague cemetery. We're trying to find a way out of this area.","CARL TYLER: You don't know how lucky you were. At first I took you for scavengers. I've met a couple down here already, but this (Holding up his gun.) kept them off.","SUSAN: You've shot at one, didn't you, I've just found this.","CARL TYLER: I wasn't shooting at a man. These sewers are full of alligators.","SUSAN: (Frightened.) Alligators? In the sewers of London?","CARL TYLER: A lot of animals escaped from sewers during the plague. Most were killed but reptiles thrive down here.","DAVID CAMPBELL: Well then, I...think the quicker we get going the better, eh?","SUSAN: What's worse? The alligators down here or the Daleks up there.","DAVID CAMPBELL: Tyler, will you give us a hand to collect the old man?","CARL TYLER: I'll take you. You're going to wrong way anyway. Now, you take the back, behind Susan, that way we've got guns front and rear.","DAVID CAMPBELL: Right Tyler.","SUSAN: Oh Tyler, Barbara and Ian, do you know where they are?","CARL TYLER: (Uninterested, without looking at SUSAN.) I'm sorry no. I'll go ahead now. You stay here until I call.","(He walks off. SUSAN turns to DAVID.)","SUSAN: Why was he so abrupt?","DAVID CAMPBELL: Tyler? He's afraid to make friends. He's known too much killing.","SUSAN: Well, I hope I'm never like that. Pretending not to care.","DAVID CAMPBELL: Ahh, one day this'll be all over. It'll mean a new start.","SUSAN: (Taken with the idea.) A new start? Rebuilding a planet from the very beginning. It's a wonderful idea!","DAVID CAMPBELL: Well, you could always help.","SUSAN: (Thoughtfully.) Yes...","CARL TYLER: (OOV: further down the sewer.) All clear here...follow on now!","DAVID CAMPBELL: Go on Susan, I'll keep right behind you.","(They move off to join TYLER.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","18: EXT. SUBURBAN STREET","(In front of a row of houses, BARBARA and JENNY stop next to a post box.. BARBARA looks round carefully.)","BARBARA: It's alright Jenny, it's clear.","JENNY: Any idea where we are?","BARBARA: Oh, somewhere between Edgware and Stanmore I should think.","JENNY: Oh, we're on the road to St. Albans. Barbara, suppose we don't find your friends at the mine?","BARBARA: (After a thoughtful pause.) I'll think about that when we get there. Look, you don't have to stay with me if you don't want to. I can get there on my own.","JENNY: (With more warmth than usual.) Well, we might as well stay together.","BARBARA: (Smiles.) Alright, come on then.","(They continue their journey.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","19: EXT. MINEWORKINGS (NIGHT)","(In the darkness, a ROBOMAN patrols near to the earth mover. Next to the machine is an alien black glutinous creature with no discernable features save for strange thin arms ending in claws. It gives out a heartbeat type noise. IAN and LARRY run up next to the machine, passing the creature in the dark.)","IAN: I tell you, I heard something. Sort of sliding noise.","LARRY MADISON: Which direction?","IAN: I don't know. I thought it was round here.","(IAN edges round the machine but the creature quickly moves out of sight.)","LARRY MADISON: What was it?","(IAN doesn't answer but runs inside the earth mover to their former hiding place.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","20: INT. EARTHMOVER (NIGHT)","(Inside they find a dark haired man, ASHTON - the black marketeer - holding a pistol at them.)","ASHTON: (Sharply.) Right. You can just turn around and go out again.","LARRY MADISON: What...? With that thing out there?","ASHTON: It didn't see you come in. It needn't see you go out.","IAN: Are you Ashton?","ASHTON: How do you know?","LARRY MADISON: Er, Wells told us. We've come here looking especially for you.","ASHTON: Ha! People tell all kinds of lies when they're starving.","(IAN'S reply is drowned out by the strange two-toned cry and roar of the creature outside. Then he says...)","IAN: I want to go to London.","ASHTON: Hah, why die there?","IAN: I don't intend to die anywhere.","ASHTON: Can you pay?","IAN: Pay? What are you talking about?","ASHTON: Are you one of these \"brotherhood of man\" kind of people?","IAN: You come in here...is there any reason why you shouldn't take me out?","ASHTON: I can take you out - at the right price.","IAN: And what's that?","ASHTON: Gold, precious metal, jewels.","IAN: I don't have anything like that.","ASHTON: Then, I hope you manage to avoid the Slyther...as you leave.","IAN: I'm not leaving.","ASHTON: Oh no?","(The door opens and WELLS comes in before ASHTON can use his pistol.)","WELLS: Ashton!","(WELLS shuts the door behind him and holds up a diamond necklace which ASHTON takes off him with the end of the pistol.)","WELLS: That's for the food. These two are friends of mine.","ASHTON: I see you managed to bring the character references just in time. Well chaps, I suppose we ought to have something to eat.","(He crouches on the floor and starts sifting through a small pile of cans. WELLS stops him.)","WELLS: This bundles mine. It's to be shared out amongst a lot of people and you aren't included.","ASHTON: (Laughs.) I've got my own.","(He stands up and walks away.)","IAN: (To WELLS.) You know all the best people, don't you?","WELLS: He's our only source of proper food.","LARRY MADISON: What was that thing we saw out there?","(Outside the creature gives another roar.)","WELLS: It's called a Slyther.","IAN: Slyther? What's that?","ASHTON: Where do you come from, mate? Fairyland?","WELLS: The Black Dalek, he's the commandant of the camp, regards it as a sort of pet.","IAN: You mean it's on some sort of a guard duty, eh?","WELLS: Yes, well, in a way. Mainly it roams the mine area at night in search of food.","LARRY MADISON: What sort of food?","ASHTON: People.","(ASHTON takes a drink from a flask as the SLYTHER gives out another unearthly roar.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","21: INT. SEWER (NIGHT)","(SUSAN reaches a junction in the sewer. She looks through a grill and shouts upwards.)","SUSAN: Tyler!","DAVID CAMPBELL: (OOV: further back in the sewer.) Can't have got so far ahead.","(DAVID climbs through and joins SUSAN.)","SUSAN: Perhaps our voices aren't carrying. These walls could affect the sound, I suppose.","DAVID CAMPBELL: Hey, there's a ladder there.","SUSAN: Yes.","DAVID CAMPBELL: Let's try up there.","SUSAN: Yes, alright.","(SUSAN climbs up the short ladder.)","SUSAN: There's a tunnel through here.","DAVID CAMPBELL: Careful Susan.","SUSAN: I'm alright.","(SUSAN climbs up into the thin tunnel which she crawls through on her hands and knees. She comes to the edge of a ledge.)","SUSAN: Tyler!","(SUSAN gasps as she looks over the ledge to the water below. There is another ladder leading down from a hatch above the ledge to the water.)","SUSAN: Tyler? Are you down there?","(There is no answer. SUSAN climbs onto the ladder and starts to climb down. Suddenly the ladder falls away from the wall leaving her hanging in mid-air.)","SUSAN: (Screaming.) David, Oh!","(She looks below her as she struggles to hang on.)","SUSAN: David!","(Beneath her, an Alligator swims towards her. SUSAN tries desperately to get a foothold. The hatch opens above her and TYLER shoots the reptile as DAVID crawls through the tunnel and grabs the ladder, pulling it back towards the ledge. TYLER climbs down the ladder as DAVID grabs SUSAN and pulls her back up onto the ledge.).)","DAVID CAMPBELL: Are you alright?","SUSAN: Yes...swinging!","DAVID CAMPBELL: Ha, you'd probably have given him indigestion anyway!","SUSAN: Thank you!","CARL TYLER: Alright now, come on. I've found the Doctor. He's waiting for us up here.","SUSAN: Yes...","(TYLER climbs back up through the hatch.)","DAVID CAMPBELL: Now, take your time.","SUSAN: Grandfathers stick.","DAVID CAMPBELL: I'll bring it. Take your time.","[SCENE_BREAK]","22: INT. EARTHMOVER (NIGHT)","(ASHTON is examining the necklace using a jewellers eye-glass. The SLYTHER continues to roar outside. IAN, LARRY and WELLS enjoy a meal straight out the cans.)","ASHTON: You know, Wells, you're a fool. For all this stuff, I'd have gladly taken you outside. There are plenty of small towns and villages that the Daleks have cleared of people and left intact. Food galore.","WELLS: I'll get out in my own good time.","ASHTON: Well, suit yourself. You people never learn, do you?","(LARRY takes a ring off his finger and passes it to WELLS.)","LARRY MADISON: Er, that's for the two of us, thanks Wells.","WELLS: Right, I'll take it if you don't mind. It'll help pay for the next lot from Ashton.","(There is another roar, louder than before and the heartbeat sound is heard again. The four men stop what they are doing and look around them. ASHTON grabs his pistol. The heartbeat sound grows faint and the men relax. Suddenly the SLYTHER'S arm bursts through the back wall of the machine and the creature itself enters. ASHTON fires at it but the bullets prove useless and the SLYTHER grabs the gun as it hovers over ASHTON.)","WELLS: Get out!","[SCENE_BREAK]","23: EXT. MINEWORKINGS (NIGHT)","(As ASHTON cries out, the three men run out of the earthmover.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","24: EXT. EDGE OF THE MINESHAFT (NIGHT)","(IAN and LARRY runs through the darkness and the bushes to the edge of the mine shaft.)","LARRY MADISON: This way's no good! It's a sheer drop!","IAN: We'll have to go back.","(They turn back but the SLYTHER has pursued them.)","LARRY MADISON: The Slyther, Ian! It's coming straight for us!","(Claw outstretched, the SLYTHER moves towards the two men.)"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"02x07","Episode Title":"The End of Tomorrow","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_02x10.json","Recap":["The Doctor, Ian and Barbara arrive on the planet Dido where a crashed spaceship with the only two survivors are terrorized by the monsterKoquillion. But who is Koquillion? But the enemy may be closer then they think..."],"Transcript":["THE RESCUE","5:40pm - 6:05pm","[SCENE_BREAK]","1: INT. CAVE","(The TARDIS materialises in a darkened cave.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","2: EXT. SPACESHIP","(A Spaceship lies at the bottom of a mountainside in a desolate valley. It is long and sleek, like a rocket. It displays the serial number \"201\" and a Union Jack adorns one of the tail fins. The spaceship has broken in two upon landing and one half of it is at a slight angle to the other. It is obvious that it will never fly again. The only sign of movement is a radar dish spinning round on top of the ship.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","3: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS","(The dish is picking up a signal that is being relayed to a communications console inside the ship. A young GIRL runs into the ship from outside. She has medium length hair and wears a short black dress with a zigzag collar design. She runs over to the bleeping console. She picks up a microphone but thinks better of it and runs through a door next to the console, shouting as she goes...)","GIRL: Bennett!","[SCENE_BREAK]","4: INT. SPACESHIP. CORRIDOR","(She runs down a corridor, that is in the section of the ship that is broken in two, and runs up to a door.)","GIRL: Bennett! The rescue ship's landed! Bennett, let me in!","(She knocks loudly on the door.)","BENNETT: (OOV.) Come in.","[SCENE_BREAK]","5: INT. SPACESHIP. BENNETT'S CABIN","(BENNETT, a bearded, crippled man in his thirties, lies on the bed. The GIRL runs up to him, excited with her news.)","GIRL: (Happily.) Bennett. The rescue ships landed! It's arrived. We're being taken back! Isn't it marvellous?","BENNETT: (Dismissively.) Can't be the ship.","GIRL: Its quite clear on the detector - listen!","(The bleeping sound from the communications console reaches them in the cabin.)","BENNETT: (Looks evasive.) Must be a fault, must be. Did you talk to them by radio?","GIRL: No. I was going to but I ... I thought I'd tell you first. (Disappointed.) I thought you'd be pleased Bennett.","BENNETT: The rescue ships not due for another three days. It can't even find Dido unless we guide it down. You know that.","GIRL: But its showing on the screen! Come and look. I'll help you.","BENNETT: Did you hear it land.","GIRL: N ... no ... no, I didn't but it ...","BENNETT: The rescue ship can't land silently.","GIRL: It must have done. It's just got here early that's all. It is here. It's as plain as anything on the screen.","BENNETT: What's its location?","GIRL: I don't know. Somewhere on the mountain.","BENNETT: Look, Vicki. I know how badly you want to get off this planet. We both want to get away but its no good building up our hopes. Go and radio the rescue ship. You'll find your mistake ...","(VICKI'S look of hope fades. She nods and turns to leave.)","BENNETT: And Vicki, watch out for Koquillion.","(VICKI suddenly looks scared.)","VICKI: I ... I haven't seen him today.","BENNETT: He'll be around somewhere. And remember he knows nothing about the rescue ship.","VICKI: (Nodding and nervous.) I ... I know.","BENNETT: So be careful. If he finds out, he'll kill both of us.","(She leaves. BENNETT turns over on his bed.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","5: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS","(VICKI returns to the main quarters and sits down at the communications console. She picks up a microphone, switches the radio on and tunes in.)","VICKI: Planet Dido to rescue ship. Planet Dido to rescue ship. Come in please. Over.","(The voice of the SPACE CAPTAIN comes through along with a great deal of static.)","SPACE CAPTAIN: (OOV.) Rescue ship to planet Dido. Receiving you on strength two. Over.","VICKI: (Excited.) Is it true? Have you ... (She calms her voice.) Have you landed? Over.","SPACE CAPTAIN: (OOV.) Landed? We're still sixty-nine flying hours away. We're proceeding on a normal course. We shall ...","VICKI: (Interrupting.) But you ... you can't be. I mean ...","SPACE CAPTAIN: (OOV.) Now don't worry. We'll be there. Try to hold on just a bit longer. We'll contact you for directions in seventeen hours from now. Repeat, seventeen hours. Breaking contact now.","VICKI: No!","SPACE CAPTAIN: (OOV.) Over and out.","VICKI: No!","(She tries frantically to re-establish contact.)","VICKI: Dido to rescue! Dido to rescue!","(She gives up the attempt and puzzles over the SPACE CAPTAIN'S statement.)","VICKI: Sixty-nine hours away?","(She looks at the radar contact, still bleeping and quite visible on the screen ... )","VICKI: Who's landed on the mountain?","[SCENE_BREAK]","6: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM","(The DOCTOR lies asleep in his chair as the TARDIS completes its materialisation. BARBARA runs into the room with IAN. They go over to the console.)","BARBARA: ...and you know how the ship has a ... a faint sort of trembling while we're moving? Well, I suddenly realised that it had stopped.","IAN: I believe you're right ... Barbara. I think we have landed. But the Doctor's never slept through a landing before.","(They go over to the old man and both gently shake him.)","BARBARA: Doctor! Doctor!","IAN: Doctor!","BARBARA: Wake up!","DOCTOR: Hmm? What's the matter? What is it? What is it? Oh good gracious me! Don't tell me I went off to sleep! (He rubs his eyes.)","IAN: Yes you did!","DOCTOR: Oh!","IAN: And at a very critical time. Ah well! I suppose it did you a world of good.","DOCTOR: (Laughs.) Deep in the arms of Morphius, eh my boy! (Laughs again.) Well, I feel a bit sticky. I must go and have a wash.","BARBARA: Oh, but Doctor, the trembling's stopped.","(He tenderly pats her face.)","DOCTOR: Oh, my dear! I'm so glad you're feeling better!","(IAN laughs quietly as he holds up the DOCTOR'S coat for him to put on.)","BARBARA: No not me - the ship!","DOCTOR: Oh, the...oh my ... I'm so sorry!","IAN: (Helping him put his coat on.) Doctor, we appear to have landed while you were asleep.","DOCTOR: What? Oh, I say! I must never allow this sort of thing again now. Must we? No! Well all we have to do is to turn the power off.","(He goes to the console, presses a switch and the ship falls silent.)","BARBARA: Then we have landed.","DOCTOR: Yes ... er, (To IAN who is in the way.) excuse me, (To BARBARA.) materialised, I think, is the better word. Well now, lets have a look and see what's doing.","(He walks round the console checking read-outs.)","DOCTOR: Yes, the airs very good. The temperature. Yes, wh ... wh ... wherever we are, I think its nice and fine. (Yawns.) Oh, pardon me! Forgive me! I'm so sorry. Yes. Well, I must say, this looks most promising. Now, lets have a little look shall we?","(He switches on the scanner. It shows the cave outside.)","IAN: Very dark. Can't really make out anything at all. It looks very rocky whatever it is.","DOCTOR: Yes. It does somewhat. Might be a cave, or ... even perhaps underground.","BARBARA: You mean we could be trapped down here?","DOCTOR: Oh. It doesn't necessarily mean anything my dear Barbara. We can of course, always travel through ... solid matter ... in flight ... and all, again, we can, we can take off again quite easily, no I do think we ought to step outside and have a look. I will too. Susan, er j ...","(He suddenly remembers his loss. IAN and BARBARA look at each other with concern as a look of sorrow passes over the DOCTOR'S face. BARBARA steps forward and speaks gently to him.)","BARBARA: Doctor, why don't you show me how to open the doors?","DOCTOR: Hmm, y ... y ... yes, yes, yes, my dear of course, yes, er how silly of me, yes, er, number four switch.","(He points to a control that BARBARA activates. The doors glide open with their normal electronic hum. BARBARA smiles.)","DOCTOR: Very good! Very good! But you won't of course try to do that during transit will you?","(He laughs. BARBARA raises her eyes to heaven. The three then walk outside.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","7: INT. CAVE","(The flashing light on top of the TARDIS illuminates their surroundings.)","IAN: It is a cave. You were right Doctor.","(BARBARA sniffs the air with a look of distaste on her face.)","BARBARA: Strange funny smell. Doesn't smell like anything on Earth.","DOCTOR: No, it doesn't my dear, no no, but I ... I do know that smell.","IAN: Recognise it?","DOCTOR: Yes, yes. More or less. Hmm. Hmm. (He turns back to the ship.) Oh, er, have a look round, I should, but don't go too far away. Remember we haven't had much luck with these caves during our travels.","BARBARA: Well what are you going to do?","DOCTOR: Oh, I think I'm going to have a nap!","(Laughing, he goes back inside the TARDIS.)","IAN: A nap! Huh, well that's a new one isn't it? He's usually the first one to be up and dashing off for a look.","BARBARA: Oh maybe we're going to see a new side to the Doctor.","IAN: Yeh, well he isn't getting any younger is he? You know, it's the first time he's been to sleep during a landing. Barbara, I've got an idea he's getting a bit","(IAN makes a senile old man movement. BARBARA laughs. The door of the TARDIS suddenly opens and the DOCTOR pokes his head out.)","DOCTOR: Remember I can hear what you're saying. (He points to a rock.) Pick up that stone for me would you?","IAN: (Embarrassed.) Er, th ... this one Doctor?","DOCTOR: Yes!","IAN: Er, certainly.","(He picks up the rock and passes it to the DOCTOR.)","DOCTOR: (Smiling.) Thank you.","(He goes back inside the ship. A look of relief that the DOCTOR didn't make an issue of his joke passes over IAN'S face.)","BARBARA: All the old associations are still in the ship. You can't expect him to say goodbye to Susan and then forget about her the next minute.","IAN: No, I suppose not. I wonder what she's doing now?","BARBARA: If I know any ... anything about David, she's learning to milk cows!","IAN: Yes, he's a nice chap David.","BARBARA: Mmm. Come on.","(She starts to head off but IAN points in another direction.)","IAN: There may be a way over here, you know.","BARBARA: Yes but I think the sun is coming through that way.","IAN: Ah, so it is.","(They walk out of the cave in BARBARA'S preferred direction and walk down a passage. Behind them a figure walks from the other side of the cave towards the TARDIS. Dressed in a long cloak, its hands seem to be claws and thorny spikes. It head is also covered in spikes and its eyes are on the end of two stalks. It carries a strangely shaped bejewelled club. It walks up to the TARDIS and stares down the passage that IAN and BARBARA have just taken.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","8: EXT. LEDGE","(IAN and BARBARA exit the other end of the passage and find themselves on a ledge on a mountainside. IAN stares over the ledge.)","IAN: Barbara! Look.","(They see the crashed spaceship down in the valley below.)","BARBARA: It's a spaceship!","IAN: Yes ... broken in two.","(IAN suddenly spots the union jack on the tail fin.)","IAN: Can you see on the side! A flag! It's from home!","BARBARA: Yes! You know it must have crashed.","IAN: Yes, although you see those buildings? It might have been destroyed at the same time as they were on the ground.","BARBARA: There's no movement. No sign of life at all.","IAN: No, no there isn't, is there? Well, there must be people or ... things on this planet.","BARBARA: Ian.","IAN: Hmm?","BARBARA: Are you going to tell the Doctor about this?","IAN: Well yes, why not?","BARBARA: Well, knowing the Doctor, he'll want to go down there and investigate.","IAN: Well, for once, I'd agree with him Barbara. If there any of those crew members left we should get in touch with them.","(BARBARA looks behind her.)","BARBARA: (Scared.) Ian!","(He turns round and sees the spiked CREATURE stood on the ledge behind them. The CREATURE speaks in a slightly high pitched but nevertheless menacing voice.)","CREATURE: You are strangers here?","(IAN and BARBARA say nothing but just fearfully stare at the CREATURE'S strange and exotic appearance.)","CREATURE: Answer my question. Do you come from Earth?","BARBARA: Er, yes. Yes, we do.","CREATURE: Where is your rocket ship?","IAN: (Nodding towards the passageway.) You've just come out of the cave. You must have seen it?","CREATURE: You landed here ... in that box?","BARBARA: Well I know it sounds fantastic but ... we have no reason to lie to you.","IAN: Well, obviously you've had a good look around. Did you see any sign of another ship having landed?","CREATURE: Are there any other crewmembers?","IAN: Yes, there is o ...","(BARBARA motions for him to be silent. He stops but realises that he's said too much not to go on.)","IAN: One more ... he's back in the ship.","CREATURE: I would like to meet him. Go and fetch him. I will take you all to the city.","(IAN walks back towards the passage.)","IAN: Coming, Barbara?","BARBARA: Yes.","(IAN walks into the passage but fails to spot that the CREATURE has stood in front of BARBARA to prevent her following. It raises it's club to scare her then lowers it.)","CREATURE: Why are you frightened?","(BARBARA walks backward towards the ledge, the CREATURE following.)","BARBARA: Keep away.","CREATURE: I am your friend. You can trust me!","BARBARA: Can I?","(The CREATURE pushes her back towards the ledge. Suddenly, it pushes her over and with a scream, BARBARA falls over the ledge to the valley, down below.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","9: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM","(Even with his glasses on, the DOCTOR also needs a magnifying glass to examine the rock from the cave.)","DOCTOR: Hmm, hmm yes ... yes, yes. Oh ...","(He then examines his notes, tuts to himself, takes his glasses off and puts them in his pocket.)","DOCTOR: My writing gets worse and worse! Dear dear dear dear dear. Well, undoubtedly, we've landed on the planet Dido. Hmm. How remarkable. Well, I must say. I'll be rather nice to meet these friendly people again after all these years. (Laughs.) Fancy landing back here again. Hmm! I wonder if I were to tell Ian that it was deliberate, whether he'd believe me or not? (Laughs, then.) Oh no, of course, I was asleep! Oh (He laughs again.) Pity! Pity! Pity! (Laughs.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","10: EXT. LEDGE","(On the ledge the CREATURE looks over the edge, then steps back and adjusts some settings on his club, pointing it at the passageway. There is a slightly high pitched electronic sound and then there is an explosion in the passageway. Rocks come tumbling down ... )","[SCENE_BREAK]","11: INT. CAVE","(IAN is runs towards the rockfall but is pushed backwards by the force of the explosion. The noise brings the DOCTOR out of the TARDIS, coughing and spluttering in the dust.)","DOCTOR: (Coughs.) Chesterton! Chesterton! Where are you, my dear boy? Oh, I can't, Oh, I can't see anything!","(He runs back inside the TARDIS.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","12: EXT. BOTTOM OF THE CLIFF","(BARBARA lies unconscious at the bottom of the cliff with the branch of a tree lying on top of her. A shadow falls over her as someone finds her.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","13: INT. CAVE","(The DOCTOR comes out of the TARDIS carrying a large torch.)","DOCTOR: Chesterton!","(IAN groans. The DOCTOR hears this and runs towards the sound. He finds IAN slightly stunned sat against the wall of the cave.)","DOCTOR: My dear fellow! Are you alright?","IAN: (Weak and breathless.) Barbara ...","DOCTOR: What? Where is she?","IAN: Barbara ... I thought she was with me. I ... I heard her scream ...","DOCTOR: Steady, steady, steady ...","IAN: I went back and ... an explosion.","DOCTOR: Come on, come on, get your breath back.","(He helps him to stand upright.)","DOCTOR: Now, now then, you alright?","IAN: Yeah ...","DOCTOR: well, lets try and look for her shall we?","IAN: Yes ... yes ... this way ...","DOCTOR: Be careful now, be careful.","(His arm round IAN, They hobble towards the passage)","DOCTOR: Oh, good gracious, the whole roof's fallen in!","IAN: This blocks the cave! Barbara!","(They start to try and unblock the passage.)","DOCTOR: Oh I hope we shan't get another fall. I don't think the TARDIS is likely to ...","(IAN gives up trying to shift the rockfall.)","IAN: No use ... Doctor! ... this wasn't an accident.","DOCTOR: (Shining the torch in IAN'S face.) Wh..wh..what are you talking about, my boy?","IAN: Oh it was a ... thing, repulsive thing with a ... hideous face.","DOCTOR: With hands and feet like claws?","IAN: Yes, that's it? How do you know?","DOCTOR: Well this is the planet Dido. I've been here before, I know them very well.","IAN: What?","DOCTOR: They're very friendly people.","IAN: (Incredulous.) Friendly?","DOCTOR: Yes!","IAN: Oh, it certainly wasn't friendly to us! Must have kept Barbara, that (Suddenly remembers.) ... that scream! Barbara!","(He turns back to start pulling at the rockfall. The DOCTOR pulls him back.)","DOCTOR: Oh don't for heavens sake start scratching there. Try and find another way out. This thing, was it armed?","IAN: No, no, it wasn't. Wait a minute, it was carrying ... some sort of jewelled club ... about so long.","DOCTOR: With a big head, resembling a spanner?","IAN: Yes.","DOCTOR: Yes.","IAN: I don't know why you bother to ask.","DOCTOR: Yes, that may account for this.","IAN: What?","DOCTOR: When I was here last time, if I remember rightly, they'd just perfected this thing. It's a ray, used in construction work.","IAN: Ahh ...","DOCTOR: Now look here, what about Barbara, are you alright? Are you capable?","IAN: Yes I'm not too bad.","DOCTOR: Come along! Don't just sit there my dear boy, stand up, stand up (Laughs.) Come along, that's it, mind your head, it's only dust,","(He dusts IAN down.)","DOCTOR: No bones broken? Eh?","IAN: Thank you Doctor, the most thorough going medical I've ever had!","DOCTOR: Yes, it's a pity I didn't get that degree, isn't it!","(They laugh. The DOCTOR hands the torch back to IAN.)","DOCTOR: 'scuse me.","(They come out of the passage into the main part of the cave.)","IAN: You say these people were friendly?","DOCTOR: Really. Very friendly people.","IAN: If that's a sample, I'll take the Daleks anytime.","DOCTOR: (Dabbing his forehead with his handkerchief.) Now look here, you take yourself off there (Points.) and try and find Barbara.","IAN: Yes.","DOCTOR: Come along and be careful.","IAN: Yeh, we need to be careful. These people are dangerous..","(He walks off leaving the DOCTOR quietly pondering.)","DOCTOR: But why ... why ... what could have happened to changed them? I wonder?","[SCENE_BREAK]","14: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS","(VICKI is rearranging some blankets on a bunk. She hears a noise outside the closed door of the ship and jumps back. She grabs some rocks off a console and sits with them quickly at a table. The door opens and the CREATURE walks in.)","CREATURE: You have been outside. Stand up!","(VICKI does as instructed.)","CREATURE: What were you doing?","VICKI: (Nervous.) I ... walking.","CREATURE: In future, you will go no further than fifty yards from this ship. (VICKI closes her eyes in fear.) You understand?","(She nods. The CREATURE comes nearer.)","CREATURE: You were dragging something. A sack?","VICKI: Ohh ... just some stones, I ... I, I collect them. They're very beautiful.","(She holds them up. The CREATURE knocks them out of her hand and walks towards the door that leads to BENNETT'S cabin.)","CREATURE: I'm going to talk to Bennett. Remember you both owe your lives to me.","VICKI: I ... I heard a sound (The CREATURE turns back to face her.) ... from the mountain ... a, an explosion.","CREATURE: A space machine has arrived.","VICKI: People?","CREATURE: A warlike people! They wanted to pillage the ship! I could not save them from my people, as I do Bennett and yourself. They're walled up in a cave. If they're not dead already, they will die of hunger and thirst.","VICKI: (Shouts.) I bet you never gave them a chance, you could have ...","(The CREATURE holds up its club. VICKI gasps and squirms as she realises she has gone too far ... )","VICKI: I'm sorry!","CREATURE: Remember, I am the only one who can save you from my people. You should be grateful! I am your only protection!","(The CREATURE walks off towards BENNETTS' quarters closing the connecting door behind it. VICKI goes to listen at the door.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","15: INT. SPACESHIP. CORRIDOR","(The CREATURE goes up to the door of BENNETT'S cabin and tries to open it.)","BENNETT: (OOV.) You can't come in.","KOQUILLION: It is Koquillion! Open the door.","(The door opens and it walks in.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","16: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS","(VICKI hears this and goes back to the bunk. She pulls the blankets back, to reveal BARBARA.)","VICKI: Koquillion has just seen me helping you here. I knew he would. I knew. He knows everything. Everything!","BARBARA: Well, tell me ...","VICKI: Shhh! He'll hear you!","BARBARA: (Whispers.) Oh, alright!","VICKI: Please stay there. He might come back. You don't know him like I do.","BARBARA: Yes, but listen, what's your name?","VICKI: Vicki.","BARBARA: That short for Victoria?","VICKI: No, just Vicki. V,I,C,K,I.","BARBARA: I'm Barbara, look, tell me more about this Kokillion.","VICKI: He just keeps us here, Bennett and me. There's a rescue ship on the way. He doesn't know about that. But he'll find out. I know he will.","BARBARA: But why does he keep you here?","VICKI: They ... they killed all the crew. We ... when we landed we, we made contact here. Everyone on board was inven, invited to a grand sort of meeting. I couldn't go, I was ill, a fever or something. I stayed here that night. I remember waking up, a thunderstorm I thought, but is was an explosion. Bennett ... Bennett ... dragged himself back. I was ill for days, I didn't know about it 'til later. I came around and ... found Bennett. He can't walk. We just wait and then Koquillion. (She collapses into sobs on BARBARA'S shoulder.)","BARBARA: Well, if his people killed all your crew, why did, doesn't he kill you.","VICKI: We don't know. My father was taking me ... my father ...","(She starts crying again at the memory, and as BARBARA watches sympathetically, wipes away her tears.)","VICKI: Your ship, is your ship still here?","BARBARA: Yes.","VICKI: (She starts and turns to BARBARA.) I've just remembered. He told me tha ... didn't you hear him? Th ... they killed all your crew too.","(BARBARA considers this appalling news.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","17: INT. PASSAGEWAY","(IAN and the DOCTOR walk along a narrow, mist filled, ledge. IAN is carrying the torch.)","IAN: Ahh, I wonder how much further Doctor?","DOCTOR: Oh, I can't understand it. I just can't understand it. Violence is totally alien to people on this planet.","IAN: Oh, people change, Doctor. New leader, different set of circumsta ...","DOCTOR: No no no, my dear Chesterton, no. All the more reason for people on this planet to hate death and destruction. My dear boy, when I was here before, the, what, the total population amounted to, a handle of people, merely a hundred.","IAN: Is that all?","DOCTOR: Yes, exactly, all the more reason for holding onto life. Oh peace, friendship, happiness. This means everything to the people here.","IAN: Yes, yes, I see what you mean. Well, you ready to carry on?","DOCTOR: (Waving his handkerchief.) Me? Carry on? My dear fellow, it was you that stopped! (Laughs.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","18: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS","(VICKI is tending to a wound on BARBARA'S arm.)","VICKI: Sorry Barbara, I forgot all about your cuts and bruises.","BARBARA: Oh it could be worse. It's the arm mainly. I must have strained it catching hold of that tree to break my fall.","VICKI: There. How's that?","BARBARA: That feels much better.","(VICKI walks away as BARBARA rolls her sleeve back down.)","VICKI: Wonder if Koquillion 's gone?","BARBARA: what are the other people like?","VICKI: Mmm? Oh, he's the only one we see. They live quite near here I believe but, well, I don't know.","(She opens a locker and brings out an advanced sort of gun.)","VICKI: This fires a flare.","BARBARA: Is that for the rescue ship?","VICKI: Yes, I always keep it ready. There's room to land round here you know.","BARBARA: It'll all be ending for you soon then?","VICKI: (Quietly.) Yes.","BARBARA: Well, you don't sound very sure?","VICKI: (She looks towards BENNETT'S cabin.) There's always Koquillion. He could stop us. He could keep me here ...forever","(She turns back to BARBARA who has a sorrowful look on her face.)","VICKI: What are you looking like that for?","BARBARA: Like what?","VICKI: You're sorry for me aren't you? I'm perfectly alright, you know. I don't care if nobody ever comes, I'm fine. I'm perfectly alright.","(She puts the gun back in the locker. She suddenly hears a noise from the corridor. In a panic, she hustles BARBARA back to the bunk and re-covers her with the blankets.)","VICKI: Quick!","(She finishes covering her and dashes to sit at the table. The door opens. It is BENNETT, holding onto the door for support.)","VICKI: (With relief.) Ah, Bennett!","BENNETT: He's gone. I tried to get things out of me but I didn't tell him.","VICKI: No.","BENNETT: I didn't tell him about the rescue ship.","VICKI: No.","BENNETT: He told me about the people on the mountain. He's killed them. We've got to stick together Vicki. He's killed them!","VICKI: (Shakes her head and smiles.) No he hasn't Bennett! Not all of them anyway.","(She steps over to the bunk and pulls the blankets back. BARBARA sits up. BENNETT stares at her.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","19: INT. LEDGE IN PASSAGEWAY","(The DOCTOR and IAN continue their passage through the mountain.)","IAN: The ledge is narrowing out now Doctor","DOCTOR: What's that, my boy, What? What's that?","(The DOCTOR slips. IAN grabs him.)","IAN: Oh, oh, careful!","DOCTOR: (Nervous laugh.) Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! I say, look, have you noticed the ledge? It's narrowing out!","IAN: (Ruefully.) Yes, Doctor!","DOCTOR: Wait, wait!","IAN: Huh?","DOCTOR: Point the torch, shine it down there.","(He grabs IAN'S hand and points the torch down over the ledge.)","DOCTOR: You see that? It's quite a chasm.","IAN: Yes.","DOCTOR: Hmm!","IAN: Certainly is. Not very much to hold onto here either. Just have to keep ourselves ... pressed against the rockface.","DOCTOR: M ... my dear boy, if I pressed myself any harder against this thing I would be doing myself an injury!","(They hear a roaring noise from below. IAN shines the torch directly into the DOCTOR'S face.)","IAN: What was that?","DOCTOR: Well, it's not me, is it! Shine the torch down there!","(IAN shines the torch back down into the chasm. A reptilian creature, its face similar to KOQUILLION'S lies below.)","DOCTOR: What ...","IAN: What's that nightmare?","DOCTOR: Isn't it sufficient that it ... it's down there and we're up here? Hmm?","IAN: Yes ... it's got eyes! I saw them, Green!","(The DOCTOR laughs gently)","IAN: Hmm, used to daylight. Must have come in from the outside.","DOCTOR: Oh. Very good, yes. Very intelligent reasoning. So good ... I might have said the same thing myself!","IAN: Gotta get out of here. What we need are some good handholds. Oh, here we are, all provided.","(IAN has found three mask like carvings in the wall. Again, they resemble KOQUILLION'S face but each has a large curved ring handle sticking out of them.)","IAN: Right Doctor, somebody's been this way before.","DOCTOR: Well now, be careful.","IAN: Yes I will, just hold onto that.","(He passes the DOCTOR the torch.)","IAN: Try this. It's alright.","(IAN grabs hold of the first ring and swings himself over.)","IAN: Yeh? Give me the torch.","(He takes the torch from the DOCTOR.)","IAN: Swing yourself over. (The old man does so.) Alright? OK?","DOCTOR: Yes.","(IAN grabs the third face handle.)","IAN: Watch this one. It's loose. Oh!","(The handle comes away from the face with some cords attached to it leading back into the rock.)","IAN: ... hurry up, I've pulled it out!","(IAN stumbles but regains his balance on the ledge in front of a much larger face carving.)","DOCTOR: What?","IAN: Oh I'm over. Can you manage?","DOCTOR: (Examining the pulled out handle.) Chesterton. Its oil, it's got oil on it!","IAN: What's that noise?","DOCTOR: Come back here! They've trapped you into pulling this thing out.","IAN: What's that noise Doctor? I ...","(A series of sharp spikes extend from either side of the face carving overreaching the extent of the ledge - with IAN trapped between them.)","DOCTOR: Don't go any further!","IAN: What ... I can't go either way!","(The DOCTOR examines the ring mechanism. IAN shines the torch over the ledge towards the reptile roaring below. He turns round. From the centre of the face carving, a further series of sharp spikes start to slowly extend towards him.)","IAN: Doctor, They're pushing me towards the edge!","(The reptile below roars, awaiting its victim ... )"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"02x10","Episode Title":"The Powerful Enemy","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_02x18.json","Recap":["On the planet Vortis, the Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Vicki are swept up in the struggles of the butterfly-like Menoptera, the original denizens of Vortis who were forced to flee the planet for the moon Pictos to escape the encroaching web of the Animus and its mind-controlled minions, the ant-like Zarbi and their living weapons, the larvae guns."],"Transcript":["THE WEB PLANET","BILL STRUTTON","5:40pm - 6:05pm","[SCENE_BREAK]","1: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM","(The ZARBI push the DOCTOR into the centre of the room. A transparent tendril-covered tube descends from the ceiling and over the DOCTOR'S head. He stands still as a voice, feminine and full of menace, echoes out of the tube...)","ANIMUS VOICE: Why do you come now?","(Several feet away, IAN and VICKI watch this strange contact take place...)","VICKI: The Doctor's speaking to someone. Why can't we hear what he's saying?","(IAN shakes his head. The DOCTOR continues his conversation with this new entity.)","DOCTOR: Who are you? We come in peace.","ANIMUS VOICE: Peace? Is that why you attack? Where is your main force?","DOCTOR: We are alone. We have strayed from our astral plane.","ANIMUS VOICE: When will your invasion fleet arrive? What is its weaponry?","DOCTOR: We are peaceful travellers from Earth.","ANIMUS VOICE: You lie! You are the Menoptra. Our detectors show you are massing in space to attack. Speak!","DOCTOR: I know nothing of these Menoptra.","ANIMUS VOICE: We shall show you the fate which awaits all your ships, all your people.","DOCTOR: Please listen to me...","(The tube rises back into the ceiling.)","DOCTOR: I have not finished my explanation ...","(The ZARBI push the DOCTOR back to stand with IAN and VICKI. A larvae gun stands guard over them.)","DOCTOR: Stand still!","(On the other side of the room, a tendril rises from the wall and aims at the TARDIS.)","IAN: Look at that, Doctor.","(The tendril, a light at its end, fires a shot at the ship. There is an explosion on the wall and the ZARBI and the larvae gun rush round in a panic through the smoke filled room.)","VICKI: Look at them! Look at them!","IAN: What's happened?","DOCTOR: (Pointing at the TARDIS.) It's unbelievable! Unbelievable! (To VICKI.) What did you do in the ship, child? What controls did you touch?","VICKI: Well, I...I got thrown against the control panel and I just pressed any switches I could see. It...it suddenly became alive! I couldn't help it.","DOCTOR: You have performed a miracle, my dear. You have re-aligned the fluid link - the power is back!","IAN: If only Barbara were here, we could go.","(The DOCTOR motions for IAN to be silent. He then walks into the centre of the room in triumph and speaks out to their captor.)","DOCTOR: Trying to destroy my ship? You will achieve nothing - nothing! I have great secrets in my ship. We could help you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","2: EXT. VORTIS","(VESTRIN, fleeing from the ZARBI arrives at a cliff edge overlooking the Carsenome. The chirruping of the ZARBI is heard and the Menoptra flaps its wings and rises quickly into the air. Two ZARBI run on to the cliff edge but their quarry has eluded them.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","3: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM","(The communications tube has again descended and the DOCTOR is once again in verbal conflict with their unseen enemy.)","ANIMUS VOICE: If your ship is proof against our weapons, remember you are not. Tell us the secret of its armour.","DOCTOR: Impossible. I cannot tell you why my ship withstood the fire of that gun unless you tell me the principle it's built on.","ANIMUS VOICE: You demand my secrets? Yield yours.","(VICKI and IAN watch these proceedings...)","VICKI: What do you think the Doctor is saying?","IAN: I don't know. I hope he's asking where Barbara is.","(The battle of wills continues...)","ANIMUS VOICE: The great secrets you speak of in your ship must be used against the invaders. In return, I offer you your freedom.","DOCTOR: Where is the fourth member of our party? Mmm? Well?","ANIMUS VOICE: She has been taken to the Crater of Needles beyond my great web. Will your secrets look into the stars?","DOCTOR: I don't know what you mean, but I have an astral map, if that answers your question.","ANIMUS VOICE: Will it show where the Menoptra are massing, where they will land?","DOCTOR: I see. So it's the Menoptra that are invading your planet, hmm?","ANIMUS VOICE: Somewhere in space, beyond the range of our locators, they are grouping. They scatter false trails to mislead us. Their numbers are great. I am aware...only of movement.","DOCTOR: And you are not aware of their position?","ANIMUS VOICE: This... you must do.","DOCTOR: I shall need assistance.","ANIMUS VOICE: Bring your astral map out of your ship.","DOCTOR: I shall need help even to do that.","(The tube rises back into the ceiling. ZARBI scuttle round obeying commands from their controller. The DOCTOR walks over to IAN and VICKI.)","DOCTOR: Now it is their turn to receive instructions.","IAN: Well, tell us Doctor, what happened?","DOCTOR: Let us go back into the TARDIS.","(The three walk toward the ship, but before they can go many paces, one ZARBI holds VICKI, last in line, back from her companions.)","VICKI: I think they must want to keep me here as a hostage. You go in. I'll be all right.","(Unhappily, the two men go towards the TARDIS.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4: EXT. CARSENOME ENTRANCE","(A ZARBI returns from the search for VESTRIN and enters the Carsenome. Behind the giant ant, VESTRIN comes into view. The Menoptra has found the entrance to the lair of the ZARBI.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","5: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM","(VICKI bravely stands her ground watched over by her ZARBI guard.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","6: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM","(IAN, his face still blistered, sits down in the alcove and gets his breath back in the oxygen rich atmosphere of the TARDIS.)","IAN: Hah...well, that's easier. No message from Barbara. Nothing.","DOCTOR: (Getting his breath.) I'm just beginning to relax, my boy.","IAN: Yes, you think that kid'll be all right out there?","DOCTOR: Er, yes, I think so. (He looks at IAN'S blisters.) Yes, I must do something about this face of yours.","(The DOCTOR goes over to a cupboard.)","IAN: Those...beasties are keeping their distance this time.","(The DOCTOR returns with a small bottle.)","DOCTOR: Yes, it seems they've learned their lesson. Here, dab some of that on your face. (Points.) There's some cotton wool there.","IAN: Thanks.","(IAN takes some cotton wool off the unit that BARBARA was tidying earlier. He dabs the ointment on his face.)","IAN: What do you think they are, Doctor? Those things out there?","(The DOCTOR is opening a small packet of pills. He takes one.)","DOCTOR: Well, to use the term of...Earth, I suppose we should call them - insects.","IAN: Ants?","DOCTOR: Hmm, hmm.","IAN: (Perturbed.) I've seen a colony of ants eat their way right through a house. That size, they could eat their way through a mountain. Why are they that big?","DOCTOR: Size is only relative. In this rarified atmosphere, it appears that evolution has...chosen that particular form of life on this planet.","IAN: Ants.","DOCTOR: Yes...","IAN: So relentless, indestructible. What are we going to do? Have you got any ideas?","DOCTOR: Well, it's this voice. It's this, this, this, this, this Queen of the ants, you might say. If I can only trick her...into neutralising this section of this area...I want you to try and track down Barbara, hmm?","IAN: Well, all right. Did you find out where she was?","DOCTOR: Well, it has something to do with this...Crater of Needles.","IAN: Crater of Needles? Where's that?","DOCTOR: The only clue I can give you, dear boy, it's behind a great web.","IAN: (Sighing.) That's not much help, is it?","DOCTOR: No, it isn't. Come on, give me a hand.","(The DOCTOR crosses to the wall and starts pulling at a large machine. On a stand with casters, it has six panels at chest level, each of which depicts a section of space. Beneath these panels are controls. The DOCTOR stops and passes IAN the tube of pills.)","DOCTOR: Oh, and by the way, I want you to take a couple of these. They'll be very good for your breathing in this rarified atmosphere.","IAN: Oh, what about Barbara and Vicki?","DOCTOR: You leave Vicki to me, but when you o finally catch up with Barbara, see that she takes some. She's probably had the same experience with breathing as we have.","IAN: Mmm. Hold on a minute...","(IAN reaches down to un-plug a cable that connects machine to a wall socket.)","DOCTOR: No no no no, don't unplug it. You must never do that. You must never break the time and relative dimension link. Come on.","(They wheel the astral map outside.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","7: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM","(The ZARBI scuttle forward to examine the machine with interest. The DOCTOR waves them away. IAN crosses to VICKI.)","IAN: Don't worry, Vicki. The Doctor's got something up his sleeve.","(The DOCTOR makes a pretence of trying to activate the map.)","DOCTOR: Argh, it's useless, it's useless! Er, wait. Come along, put me through, will you?","(The DOCTOR crosses to the centre of the room and waves at the ceiling.)","DOCTOR: Come along, drop this...hairdryer, or whatever it is!","(The tube descends over the DOCTOR'S head.)","ANIMUS VOICE: You have the information?","DOCTOR: No, good gracious me, no. Some kind of force of yours has jammed my instruments and whilst it continues, I cannot use them.","ANIMUS VOICE: I cannot suspend my functions for your experiments.","DOCTOR: (Snaps.) Very well, very well, take this thing away. I'm afraid we can't help you to locate your invader.","(There is a pause whilst the ANIMUS considers, then...)","ANIMUS VOICE: I will withhold certain forces near your instruments. If you take advantage of this, you will die.","(The tube rises. As the DOCTOR crosses back to IAN and VICKI, the ZARBI sink to the ground and are still.)","DOCTOR: Well, it appears, my boy, they've obliged. They've neutralised and completely immobilised this section.","IAN: There's one way to make sure, Doctor.","(IAN waves his hands in front of one of the ZARBI. It does not react. He makes for the exit from the room. Suddenly, the ZARBI rises...)","VICKI: Ian!","(IAN stops and watches as the creature turns and sinks back down.)","IAN: You've done it!","DOCTOR: It's time you left.","IAN: Yes.","VICKI: Where are you going?","IAN: I'm gonna find Barbara. Now, you look after the Doctor. I'll be back.","(He runs off. VICKI looks after him with concern on her face.)","DOCTOR: Now, come along, cheer up, cheer up, my child. It's all right. (He reaches into his pocket.) Yes, here, have a piece of chocolate. There you are.","VICKI: I don't feel like that now.","DOCTOR: Oh, come, come, come, come. You don't have to worry about him. He's very good at this sort of thing. (The DOCTOR turns away.) Yes, he'll be back, he'll be back.","(However, his face betrays his true feelings of concern...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","8: INT. CARSENOME. CORRIDOR","(IAN runs down the tendril covered organic walls of the Carsenome. Trying to find a way out of this maze, he dives into hiding as two ZARBI scuttle by.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","9: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM","(VICKI watches as the DOCTOR activates the controls of the astral map.)","VICKI: What are you doing, Doctor?","DOCTOR: Hmm? Oh, I'm trying to discover...a little more about this invasion fleet, my child. The more we know, the safer it will be for us.","(The DOCTOR re-tunes more controls. Suddenly, a voice is heard above the sound of static.)","FIRST MENOPTRA VOICE: Advance units, rendezvous.","VICKI: Is that the Menoptra speaking?","DOCTOR: I've just turned up this booster, wait a minute.","FIRST MENOPTRA VOICE: Menop pathfinder to leader one. Range to Vortis - One-four-O.","DOCTOR: Just, just turn up the recorder.","(VICKI does as requested.)","SECOND MENOPTRA VOICE: Leader to spearhead - lock course on bearing two-six-five. Speed - point O-one. We've jettisoned craft at altitude five above Crater of Needles. Individual descent to Sayo plateau, north of the crater.","(The sound dies down...)","DOCTOR: Did you understand any of that, hmm?","VICKI: Crater of Needles!","DOCTOR: Yes.","VICKI: Or something.","DOCTOR: That's where they've taken Barbara!","[SCENE_BREAK]","10: INT. CARSENOME. CORRIDOR","(IAN is still trying to find a way out of the Carsenome. As he turns a corner, he finds that he is behind a ZARBI that is on guard. IAN tries to sneak past it but it hears him and turns and knocks him down. IAN kicks back at it, jumps up and, after a struggle, pushes it to the ground. IAN dives down another passage but it is a dead end and a door swings to. An alarm blares out...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","11: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM","(The alarm also sounds in the control room as one of the walls bursts into life with flashing lights. The ZARBI jump up and scuttle round.)","DOCTOR: It sounds as though we're under attack, my dear.","VICKI: It's Ian! I know it is! They've caught him!","[SCENE_BREAK]","12: INT. CARSENOME. CORRIDOR","(As IAN runs back the way he came, another wall swings down, trapping him inside. More ZARBI arrive, together with a larvae gun, joining their toppled and twitching companion.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","13: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM","(The DOCTOR and VICKI watch the commotion in the control room. One ZARBI rears up at them , then shoots away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","14: INT. CARSENOME. CORRIDOR","(IAN looks for a way out of his prison. The ZARBI direct a larvae gun towards the wall. It fires at the wall but IAN ducks back and the shot blasts open not only the first wall but also the wall opposite - freeing IAN. He takes the opportunity and runs. The ZARBI and the larvae gun follow...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","15: EXT. CARSENOME ENTRANCE","(VESTRIN shoots out of the sky and lands near IAN who, not surprisingly, runs off as fast he can. The ZARBI and their larvae gun run past in another direction...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","16: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM","(VICKI has been subdued by one of the gold wishbone-shaped necklaces. She stands motionless and subdued, guarded by a ZARBI, as the DOCTOR communicates once again with the ANIMUS under the tendril tube...)","ANIMUS VOICE: You have tried to escape - why?","DOCTOR: I am still here.","ANIMUS VOICE: Where is the third?","DOCTOR: Why question me? Surely you can see our movements?","ANIMUS VOICE: You will no longer be trusted.","DOCTOR: Were we ever? Hmm?","ANIMUS VOICE: I can kill you all.","DOCTOR: Yes, you can, but to what end? The information I have will die with me.","ANIMUS VOICE: Information? Of the Menoptra invasion? Speak!","DOCTOR: I am still collating the various readings of my instruments.","ANIMUS VOICE: You lie! It is another of your tricks.","DOCTOR: That is for you to decide. Am I really lying...or do I possess this information? Hmm?","(The tube rises. The DOCTOR walks over to VICKI and signals to the ZARBI to take the necklace off her shoulders.)","DOCTOR: Away!","(The ZARBI does so. VICKI awakens and the DOCTOR grabs her.)","VICKI: Oh! Oh, Doctor! That thing made me...go to sleep.","DOCTOR: Yes, I know my dear, I know. I think I've, erm, earned...us a little breathing space.","VICKI: What did you tell them?","(A ZARBI comes close.)","DOCTOR: Nothing, nothing!","VICKI: Are you going to tell them about the Menoptra?","DOCTOR: Just about as much as I ever want to, we'll see. Come, let's, er...let's look busy. I...I want you to look into the ship and bring me back a little red box and in it is a recording compound. You'll find it on the left near the first aid kit. Go at once and come back immediately.","[SCENE_BREAK]","17: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM","(VICKI enters the console room. In the alcove, she picks up the box described by the DOCTOR and goes back outside.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","18: INT. CARSENOME. CONSOLE ROOM","(She brings the box to the DOCTOR who is at the astral map.)","VICKI: Is this it, Doctor?","DOCTOR: (Tuts.) Oh, I said a white box, child!","VICKI: You...","DOCTOR: You never think! This is one of my specimens, look.","(The DOCTOR takes a small glass case out of the box. In it is a preserved spider.)","VICKI: Eeuuhh!","DOCTOR: Now, take it back.","(VICKI takes the box back to the ship. The lid of the box is open revealing the specimen case inside it. A ZARBI comes up to investigate, sees the spider and jumps back in alarm. VICKI approaches the quivering creature with the glass case.)","VICKI: Doctor, look! It's frightened. I'm sure it is. It's frightened!","(The DOCTOR comes forward to investigate this new development.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","19: EXT. VORTIS","(IAN has made more friendly contact with VESTRIN and they now rest on a cliff edge observing the Carsenome below. IAN turns and lies down with a groan. VRESTIN speaks to him but has trouble pronouncing his name.)","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Heron? Do you still intend to go to the Crater of Needles?","IAN: Yes, I do.","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Many of my friends are enslaved there. They tear off our wings so that we may not escape.","IAN: What do you expect when you invade a planet?","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Invade a planet? Vortis is ours. We, the Menoptra, are re-claiming it.","(IAN sits up at this...)","IAN: Vortis is your planet?","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Of course.","(They are interrupted by the chirruping sound of a ZARBI. They see it below going back into the Carsenome.)","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: They are returning to the Carsenome. They do not search for long.","IAN: Those things invaded your planet?","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: You do not know our story?","IAN: No, I don't. Tell me.","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: The Zarbi are not an intelligent species. But they were essential to the life pattern here. We lived at peace with them, until they were made militant by the dark power.","IAN: Dark power? What's that?","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: The Animus. At that time, the Carsenome appeared. It grew like a fungus. We had no weapons. We had not had the need. And by the time we sensed the danger, the Zarbi were too strong.","IAN: So you left the planet?","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: We had no choice.","IAN: Where did you go?","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: (Pointing at the sky.) At that time, these strange moons appeared. One of them became our home, those of us who could reach it.","IAN: Can you live up there?","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: It is a dim, half-world and our wings grow weaker. We must return to Vortis, for when the Carsenome encircles the planet, it will be too late.","IAN: So now you're ready to attack?","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: No. We are not ready, but we must try.","IAN: I see. And what's your part in all this?","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Three of us were sent here to prepare the way for the invasion force. Now, I am alone. I do not know...","IAN: What happened to the other two?","(VRESTIN makes a noise that sounds like a cry.)","IAN: They were killed?","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: One is dead. The other was taken to the Cra...","IAN: (Interrupting.) Crater of Needles.","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Friend Harbara?","IAN: Yes, like friend Barbara. Vrestin, we've both lost friends, come with me to the Crater. You know the country. We can collect your friend and mine.","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: There are many of my friends in the Crater of Needles.","IAN: All the more reason to go.","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: (Pausing to consider.) Yes Heron. We will do as you say.","IAN: Good. Come on then.","(They leave...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","20: EXT. VORTIS","(VESTRIN leads IAN to a plain of rocks...)","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: That is the way to the Crater of Needles.","IAN: How far?","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: You cannot fly? (IAN shakes his head.) It will take two hours.","(Nearby ZARBI rise from behind rocks.)","IAN: Vrestin, quick! This way!","(IAN leads VRESTIN along a ledge against a cliff face. More ZARBI and a larvae gun approach. IAN sees a cleft in the rock.)","IAN: Vrestin! Quick! In here!","(IAN pushes VRESTIN in first. As he is about to follow, VRESTIN calls out from within the cleft...)","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Get back! The ground's giving way!","IAN: Here! Take hold of my hand!","MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Let go! You'll be pulled down with me!","(IAN takes no heed of this advice and is pulled into the cleft as the roof collapses. The ZARBI and their gun arrive at the cleft but there is no sign of the two escapees...)"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"02x18","Episode Title":"Escape to Danger","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_02x24.json","Recap":["The TARDIS arrives in 12th century Palestine where a holy war is in progress between the forces of King Richard the Lionheart and the Saracenruler Saladin. Barbara is abducted in a Saracen ambush and the Doctor, Ianand Vicki make their way to King Richard's palace in the city of Jaffa."],"Transcript":["THE CRUSADE - EPISODE 3","first broadcast - 10th April 1965","[SCENE_BREAK]","1. A NARROW PASSAGEWAY IN LYDDA","(Here there are many archways. Barbara runs up a passageway and hides in the shadow of one. Without warning a hand appears from behind her and covers her mouth. She looks round at the man holding her, Haroun, who signals to be quiet. She nods as two warriors walk past. Haroun takes them both out from behind.)","HAROUN: Two heads without the brains of one.","BARBARA: Thank you for helping me. Who are you?","HAROUN: I'm Haroun ed-Din.","BARBARA: I'm Barbara.","HAROUN: We have a common enemy in El Akir, it makes for uncommon friendship. Come with me.","BARBARA: Where?","HAROUN: To a place of safety, come.","(They walk off down the passageway.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","2. INTERIOR OF A ROBING ROOM IN KING RICHARD'S PALACE","(The Doctor is trying on some new clothes, supervised by Vicki and Ben Daheer.)","VICKI: Oh, you look marvellous.","BEN: Hmm, marvellous indeed my lord. The birds will envy you and the multi-coloured fish from the deeps are put to shame!","THE DOCTOR: Alright, alright, don't get so carried away my friend. It's a fine cloak, you've done a very good job.","BEN: My lord is most gracious.","THE DOCTOR: Now the next question is what could you do for my boy, hmm? I want something of finer quality.","BEN: Like yours my lord, then I can provide all the quality you need. (He gestures around Vicki.) Jewelled tunics with fur collars, ruby-studded belts, quilted sleeves, laced lather boots...","THE DOCTOR: Quite so, quite so, thank you, thank you, now run away and have a good think about it and let me know in the morning what you've decided.","BEN: I will, my lord. And when the sun rises I shall be here to transform the boy into a veritable strutting peacock!","(He makes as if to leave but turns round at the door.)","BEN: And then perhaps my lord will recommend the name of Ben Daheer to the King?","(He walks out.)","VICKI: Who's your friend?","[SCENE_BREAK]","3. OUTSIDE THE ROBING ROOM","(On his way out, Ben bows to Joanna who walks in to the robing room.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4. INTERIOR OF A ROBING ROOM","(Joanna appears in the doorway as the Doctor and Vicki are talking.)","VICKI: Anyway, why have I got to go on pretending to be a boy? Why can't I be a girl again?","(She turns and sees Joanna. The Doctor carries on oblivious.)","THE DOCTOR: I'm sorry my dear but you known how we're placed here. It's... it's a...","(Vicki taps him on the shoulder.)","THE DOCTOR: Hmm?","JOANNA: (Coldly.) Why have you deceived us?","THE DOCTOR: Oh, forgive me your highness. Ah, this is my young ward. Having found ourselves in a hostile country I decided to use this disguise.","JOANNA: But we are not hostile. The open country, yes. Within reach of the merciless Saracen, yes. But here in Jaffa?","VICKI: Please, don't be angry with him, he... he only did what he thought was best for me.","JOANNA: (Smiling.) A pretty advocate. Well, I won't be a partner to this deception, but while you are here you shall be in my company and be given my protection.","THE DOCTOR: We are indeed grateful your highness.","JOANNA: I saw the chamberlain in the corridor, bring him to me.","(Vicki goes into the corridor. Joanna turns to the Doctor.)","JOANNA: You say you are grateful. I cannot command what I ask of you now nor will I, but I am in some quandary.","THE DOCTOR: Can I help you, ah, madam?","JOANNA: I am my brother's favourite, yet now I find I am excluded from his confidence. I sense he's made a plan of which I am a part.","THE DOCTOR: Ah, may I ask, why of all people here, you've come to me, hmm?","JOANNA: There's something new in you, yet something older than the sky itself. I sense that I can trust you.","THE DOCTOR: Hmm, hmm, hmm. If there is a plan my lady, I will find out what it is and keep close in touch, hmm.","JOANNA: Then I am satisfied.","(Vicki returns with the chamberlain.)","JOANNA: Ah, good chamberlain.","CHAMBERLAIN: Your highness.","JOANNA: Bid your servant go about the town and find nimble hands who will dress this child. Good weaving, well-spun cloth. The dresses shall be of silks and satins and brocaded stock.","CHAMBERLAIN: (Incredulously.) Dresses? Dre.. Ah, silks? Satins? Heh, heh. For the boy?","(He bursts into laughter which quickly subsides at the icy glare Joanna gives him.)","CHAMBERLAIN: I, I thought there was some amusement your highness?","JOANNA: Did you, chamberlain?","(She walks out of the room. The Doctor laughs.)","CHAMBERLAIN: (To the Doctor.) Ah, I don't understand!","VICKI: It's perfectly simple. I'm a girl.","CHAMBERLAIN: A girl? Dressed as a boy? Is nothing understandable these days? The dresses, silks, satins -- where's the money to come from?","THE DOCTOR: The household purse, hmm?","(The chamberlain nods and leaves, embarrassed. The Doctor laughs.)","VICKI: Thank goodness for that, I didn't really see myself as a veritable strutting peacock.","THE DOCTOR: Well, my dear, in one way I don't think things have turned out to badly after all, hmm.","VICKI: (Suspiciously.) How do you mean 'in one way?'","THE DOCTOR: You would be much safer under Joanna's wing, hmm.","(The Doctor sits down on a bench in the corner of the room.)","VICKI: (Anxiously.) I'll still see you won't I?","THE DOCTOR: Of course, my child!","VICKI: I mean Barbara's gone off, and then Ian.","THE DOCTOR: Only temporarily.","VICKI: You wouldn't go off and leave me, would you?","THE DOCTOR: What a question!","VICKI: I mean, your ship's the only home I've got now and I couldn't bear it if...","THE DOCTOR: Ah, now, now, now. What is all this, eh, hmm?","VICKI: Well when you said a good thing in one way I thought, well I thought you meant that I was some sort of problem or something.","THE DOCTOR: Ah, surely you know me better than that, child? No, my reservation was that I might get entangled in court intrigue and that's going to be very, very dangerous, hmm? Very dangerous indeed, hmm?","(Vicki smiles.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","5. HAROUN'S HOUSE AT LYDDA","(Haroun and Barbara cautiously enter the house.)","HAROUN: Safiya? Safiya?","(Safiya, Haroun's daughter comes out through a doorway and hugs Haroun.)","SAFIYA: Oh, father! I have been so frightened.","HAROUN: (To Barbara.) My poor house is yours Barbara. This is my daughter, Safiya. She tarries you with your closest cousin child. (To Safiya.) Well now see to some food.","(Safiya goes off to the kitchen area. Haroun peers through the window.)","HAROUN: There are soldiers of El Akir with the searches in the street. You must wait here until a quieter time.","BARBARA: I don't want to endanger you.","HAROUN: I am in constant danger. I have sworn to kill the Emir.","BARBARA: El Akir?","HAROUN: Yes. That vile and evil man. (Sadly.) Last year my house was a fine and happy place. A gentle wife, a son who honoured and obeyed me, and two daughters who adorned whatever place they visited. Then El Akir came to Lydda and imposed his will. He desired my eldest daughter, Maimuna, but I refused him.","BARBARA: So he took her?","HAROUN: Yes. Well, when Safiya and I were away he came and burned my house. My wife and son were put to the sword.","BARBARA: Then why do you stay in Lydda?","HAROUN: I live for one thing alone, the death of El Akir. Now I will go out and see if the way is clear for your escape.","(He heads towards the door but Barbara stops him.)","BARBARA: No, please. I just feel that I'm making things worse for you.","HAROUN: Rest here, I shall not be long. If danger threatens, Safiya will hide you. But, if the soldiers persist in their search, and you think that they will find you, take this and use it.","(He hands her a knife.)","BARBARA: (In shock.) Kill her?","HAROUN: Yes and afterwards yourself.","BARBARA: (Horrified.) No!","HAROUN: (Firmly.) You must.","BARBARA: No! Life is better than this!","HAROUN: You do not know El Akir.","BARBARA: I couldn't do it. I...","HAROUN: You would not let them take Safiya?","BARBARA: No, of course I wouldn't.","HAROUN: Then I'll leave the knife.","(Haroun goes out to the street. After a while Safiya returns. Barbara hides the knife.)","SAFIYA: Where has my father gone?","BARBARA: Oh, he... he... he went outside to see if the soldiers had gone.","SAFIYA: More likely to ask more questions of our neighbours.","BARBARA: Questions? I don't understand.","SAFIYA: My mother, my brother and my sister Maimuna disappeared last year. My father searches everywhere for them. We live in hope they will return one day.","BARBARA: Then you don't know... (Barbara catches herself.) ... where they are?","SAFIYA: No. It is a strange mystery. They've gone away and we must simply wait for their return. It is the will of Allah. You will eat? (spotting the knife.) My father's knife!","BARBARA: Oh yes, ah, he... he just left it behind.","SAFIYA: How strange. He never goes without it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","6. A NARROW PASSAGEWAY IN LYDDA","(Haroun cautiously backs down the passageway as the voices become louder.)","WARRIOR'S VOICE: ...We should carry on searching, El Akir says we must find the...","(A Saracen warrior appears from behind him. They struggle briefly but the warrior is easily able to overcome Haroun. A second warrior approaches.)","SECOND WARRIOR: Who've you got there?","FIRST WARRIOR: I do not know my lord. He was going to slay me.","SECOND WARRIOR: I seem to know that face.","FIRST WARRIOR: You cannot my lord. He's a poor man of the town, he lives in the northern quarter.","SECOND WARRIOR: Have you searched there?","FIRST WARRIOR: A little, my lord. A den of thieves and beggars. Not wise to venture into such a place of squalor.","SECOND WARRIOR: The runaway can find a host of allies in the northern quarter, each individual as desperate as herself. Take what men you need and find her!","(The first warrior runs off.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","7. INTERIOR OF A CHAMBER IN KING RICHARD'S PALACE","(King Richard is seated on the throne at the end of the room. Around him are the Doctor, the Earl of Leicester and various other nobles.)","RICHARD: And when Sir Ian is returned we trust that he will bring your lady and Sir William des Preaux in addition to the answers to the several letters we have written.","LEICESTER: Tell me your plan sire. A new demand of Saladin? A battle plan? A victory like Arsophe?","RICHARD: Not this time, no my lord of Leicester, no we've had another thought. To give our sister's hand in marriage to Saphadin, brother of the Sultan, and so make an end to this war.","THE DOCTOR: I am indeed glad sir, to know that you are thinking in terms of peace.","LEICESTER: (Outraged.) The princess to marry Saphadin! My lord, I beg you to explain.","RICHARD: We do not feel obliged to explain anything to anyone, my lord of Leicester. We think our words were plain enough.","THE DOCTOR: It is a good scheme, sire, if the princess agrees.","RICHARD: (Quietly.) Joanna knows nothing of this matter.","THE DOCTOR: Will she agree?","RICHARD: (Firmly.) You should rather ask how can she refuse? To stem the blood, bind up the wounds and give a host of men lives and futures? Oh, now there's a marriage contract to put sacrifice to shame and make a saint of any woman.","LEICESTER: Sire, with all the strength at my command I urge you, sire, to abandon this pretence of peace!","THE DOCTOR: (Angrily.) Pretence, sir? Here's the opportunity to save the lives of many men and you do nought but turn it down! Without any kind of thought. What do you think you are doing?","LEICESTER: I speak as a soldier. Why are we here in this foreign land if not to fight? The Devil's horde, Saracen and Turk, posses Jerusalem and we will not wrest it from them with harried words.","THE DOCTOR: With swords, I suppose?","LEICESTER: Aye, with swords and lances, or the axe.","THE DOCTOR: You stupid butcher! Can you think of nothing else but killing, hmm?","LEICESTER: You're a man for talk, I can see that. You like a table and a ring of men. A parley here, arrangements there, but when you men of eloquence have stunned each other with your words, we, we the soldiers have to face it out. On some half-started morning while you speakers lie abed, armies settle everything, giving sweat sinewed bodies ironed life itself.","THE DOCTOR: I admire bravery and loyalty, sir. You have both of these. But, unfortunately you haven't any brain at all. I hate fools!","LEICESTER: A fool can match a coward any day.","(Leicester pulls out his sword and faces the Doctor.)","RICHARD: Enough of this! (To Leicester.) You dare to flourish arms before your King?","(Leicester reluctantly sheaths his sword.)","RICHARD: Know this my lord of Leicester, we will not be advised, we have decided on a pact with Saladin. If that fails, then a trial of arms. But we have set our mind and heart upon this marriage and it shall go forward!","[SCENE_BREAK]","8. INTERIOR OF A CHAMBER IN SALADIN'S PALACE AT RAMLAH","(Saladin and Saphadin sit at a table facing each other. Saphadin is reading Richard's letter. He looks towards Saladin who is smiling.)","SAPHADIN: Why do you smile, brother? Is it a trap?","SALADIN: No. The English King writes sincerely. It is so guileless it can only be genuine.","SAPHADIN: Think seriously about it. Alliance with Joanna would give me title to much land. Power over far off countries, a glittering empire, brother!","SALADIN: I did not know you were so ambitious.","(Saphadin rises and walks forward.)","SAPHADIN: I... I would be the name, yours would be the voice.","SALADIN: Ah.","SAPHADIN: Of course!","SALADIN: Of course. (On Saphadin's look.) Do not look so troubled. I will humour you and let this proposition go ahead. But listen to me well. Strategy is worth a hundred lances. Think brother, how does this proposed marriage help us to win our future battles?","SAPHADIN: (Disappointedly.) You do not mean to think of this alliance seriously.","(Saladin moves to join his brother.)","SALADIN: If you can marry with this sister of the English King then do so and I will help you to it. Go, write a letter. Say the idea pleases both of us.","SAPHADIN: But yet you doubt it!","SALADIN: Have England, France and all the rest come here to cheer a man and woman and a love match? No, this is a last appeal for peace from a weary man. So you write your letter and I'll alert the armies. Then on either day, the day of blissful union or the day of awful battle, we will be prepared.","SAPHADIN: You are wise. I was wrong to doubt you.","SALADIN: Hold one hand out in friendship but keep the other on your sword.","SAPHADIN: The knight, Sir Ian of Jaffa, who brought a plea for the release of Sir William...","SALADIN: Sir William I cannot return, not yet. But write that he is well cared for. As for the other, Sir Ian, he begged to be allowed to search for the lady Barbara. The brave deserve their favours. Go brother, write your letter. This sincerity deserves our honest dealings. But caution, yes caution, insists that my armies are ready.","[SCENE_BREAK]","9. HAROUN'S HOUSE","(A woman screams outside.)","WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) Watch your tongue woman, or we'll...","(Barbara peers out of the window. She turns to Safiya.)","BARBARA: They're getting nearer. Where's your hiding place?","(The harassment of the woman continues outside. Safiya leads Barbara over to a hidden cupboard in the corner of the house. She goes out and retrieves Haroun's knife from the table where Barbara left it.)","SAFIYA: In case we have to defend ourselves.","(Barbara gulps and nods. The voices out in the street get louder.)","WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) I'll get the others.","ANOTHER WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) Down here!","(Shortly, two Saracen warriors enter . The first, the one who encountered Haroun, looks around.)","WOMAN: (OOV, in background.) No! Get away!","WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) In the name of El Akir, open the door!","ANOTHER WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) Open up! Open up or we'll burn this place down!","WOMAN: (OOV, in background.) Who are you?","FIRST WARRIOR: Nothing in here, (Gestures towards the kitchen.) look out there.","(The other goes into the kitchen, carelessly knocking some plates over and stuffing his face with some of the food on the table. He returns to the main room.)","FIRST WARRIOR: Anything?","THIRD WARRIOR: No.","(They make to leave when the first warrior notices an empty cup on the table.)","FIRST WARRIOR: (Sighs.) Wait! (Picking it up.) Still warm. No other window. Only one door. Look on the rooftop.","(The third warrior obeys.)","SAFIYA: They'll find us. Poor father!","(Barbara stares at the knife. The third warrior returns.)","FIRST WARRIOR: Nothing?","THIRD WARRIOR: No, nothing.","FIRST WARRIOR: (Sighs.) Someone must be here, somewhere. Search every corner.","(The third warrior moves off again.)","FIRST WARRIOR: No, wait! I've a better plan. Bring a torch. We'll smoke the secret out, or watch a burning funeral!","(In the cupboard...)","BARBARA: Here, cover yourself with this blanket and stay huddled in the corner.","SAFIYA: Why?","BARBARA: Never mind, just do as you're told. Take this.","(Barbara hands Safiya the knife and slips out into the open. The third warrior has gone and the first is looking in the other direction. In the background and out of view, a woman screams and a warrior laughs.)","WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) Try down here.","WOMAN: (OOV, in background.) Let me go, you dogs! You pig!","(Silently Barbara makes for the door while trying to stay out of view of the warriors.)","WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) Come on, let's try over in that house.","ANOTHER WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) Down here.","WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) Get the others.","WOMAN: (OOV, in background.) Get away!","WARRIOR: (OOV, in background.) In the name of El Akir, open the door!","ANOTHER WARRIOR (OOV, in background.) ... down here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(A warrior begins to turn, forcing Barbara back towards the kitchen. Suddenly the third warrior emerges from the doorway holding a torch.)","THIRD WARRIOR: Aha!","(The two warriors hold Barbara.)","FIRST WARRIOR: Now, where did you come from?","BARBARA: I... I was hiding in the shadows.","FIRST WARRIOR: Who hid you in this place?","BARBARA: No one. (Angrily.) Oh, what does it matter, you've found me. That's what you wanted, wasn't it?","FIRST WARRIOR: When you're on your knees before my master, your defiance will change to screams for pity!","(They pull her out onto the street, watched by a terrified Safiya.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","10. DESERT","(Ian is sleeping peacefully in the desert. Suddenly a Turkish bandit appears by his side. The bandit slowly reaches across and removes Ian's sword. More confident, he reaches out for Ian's money pouch. Ian sees him and grabs his wrist forcing him onto his back. The bandit tries to reach Ian's face with the sword but Ian appears to be gaining the upper hand. However, somebody creeps up behind Ian and hits him on the head with a club. The bandit relaxes.)","BANDIT: Thank you, my brother.","[SCENE_BREAK]","11. INTERIOR OF A CHAMBER IN KING RICHARD'S PALACE","(The Doctor escorts Vicki, in her new clothes, to Joanna and the Earl of Leicester. Joanna smiles.)","JOANNA: Sweet child. You look so innocent I have nothing but love for you.","VICKI: You've been very kind to me.","THE DOCTOR: We are both very grateful to you, your highness.","JOANNA: You shall stay by my side and be my close companion. Your name is not Victor now?","VICKI: No, it's Vicki really.","JOANNA: Oh, I do not know it. Is it a Venetian name? Well, it doesn't matter. The eye should have contentment where it rests. Do you not agree my lord of Leicester? Is she not beautiful?","LEICESTER: (Dryly.) Indeed madam. A fair rose of England in this foreign land.","(Joanna leads the Doctor and Vicki aside. Leicester looks at them with undisguised interest.)","JOANNA: Do you have news for me?","THE DOCTOR: I am afraid not, your highness.","JOANNA: But you were with my brother. Did he tell you nothing of his plans?","THE DOCTOR: He said he wished to speak to you himself.","JOANNA: (Coldly.) I thought I had your friendship.","THE DOCTOR: You have, your highness, but the King spoke to me in confidence. I must not steal his thunder, hmm?","(Joanna turns to Leicester and they begin talking.)","THE DOCTOR: (To Vicki.) I thought something like this would happen, child.","VICKI: Can't you tell her?","THE DOCTOR: That she's going to get married? Of course not!","VICKI: But, can't you drop her a hint or something? She's furious! We can't afford to make an enemy of her.","THE DOCTOR: I have no desire to upset the King. (Flustered.) Dear, dear, dear, all this intrigue. I knew it! All this trouble! (Whispers.) Here comes the King.","(King Richard walks into the room. Joanna faces him.)","JOANNA: I will speak with my brother!","RICHARD: Oh?","JOANNA: (Angrily.) What's this I hear? I can't believe it's true. Marriage to that heathenish man, that infidel?","RICHARD: (Sighs.) We will give you reasons for it.","JOANNA: This unconsulted partner has no wish to marry! I am no sack of flour to be given in exchange!","RICHARD: It is expedient, the decision has been made.","JOANNA: Not by me and never would be!","RICHARD: Joanna, please consider. This war is full of weary, wounded men. This marriage wants a little thought by you, then you'll see the right of it.","JOANNA: And how would you have me go to Saphadin? Bathed in oriental perfume, I suppose? Supient, tender and affectionate, soft-eyed and trembling, eager with a thousand words of compliment and love? Well I like a different way to meet the man I am to wed!","RICHARD: Well if it's a meeting you want...","JOANNA: I do not want! I will not have it!","(She turns and storms out of the chamber.)","RICHARD: Joanna!","[SCENE_BREAK]","12. OUTSIDE THE CHAMBER","RICHARD: Joanna!","(He pursues her with the chamberlain and several other people nervously following him. He turns to them.)","RICHARD: And get out. Get out!","(They leave.)","RICHARD: (To Joanna.) Joanna, I beg you to accept.","JOANNA: No!","RICHARD: I entreat you, Joanna!","JOANNA: No!","RICHARD: Very well. I am the King. We command you!","JOANNA: You cannot command this of me.","RICHARD: (Incredulously.) Cannot?","JOANNA: No. There is a higher authority than yours to which I answer.","RICHARD: I am the King. Where is there any man who has greater power over his subjects?","JOANNA: In Rome. His holiness, the Pope will not allow this marriage of mine to that infidel!","(She turns and heads back into the chamber.)","RICHARD: (Taken aback.) But... Joanna!","(He follows.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","13. INTERIOR OF A CHAMBER","RICHARD: You defy me with the Pope!","JOANNA: No, you defy the world with your politics! The reason you and all your armies are here is the reason on my side. You are here to fight these dogs, defeat them. Marry me to them and you make a pact with the Devil. Force me to it and I'll turn the world we know into your enemy!","(Richard raises his arm to strike Joanna but stops himself just in time. Joanna walks calmly away. Richard looks around and turns to the Doctor and Vicki.)","RICHARD: (Quietly.) Who gave away my plan?","THE DOCTOR: Your majesty, if you believe that I...","RICHARD: (Coldly.) You are not welcome in our sight.","[SCENE_BREAK]","14. INTERIOR OF A CORRIDOR IN EL AKIR'S PALACE","(El Akir sits as his two guards bring in Barbara, and his eyes light up upon seeing her.)","BARBARA: Let go of me!","(She kneels on the floor half defiant, half afraid.)","EL AKIR: (With an evil smile.) The only pleasure left for you is death. And death is very far away."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"02x24","Episode Title":"The Wheel of Fortune","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_03x01.json","Recap":["Missing episode The Doctor, Vicki and Steven arrive on an arid planet where they meet the beautiful Drahvins and the hideous Rills. Each has crash-landed after a confrontation in space. The Rills are friendly, compassionate explorers. The Drahvins are dull-witted, cloned soldiers, terrorised by the intelligent, warlike matriarch Maaga. Both ships are damaged. The Drahvins' craft is irreparable, but the Rills' is almost ready to take off. Although unable to breathe the oxygen atmosphere, they employ efficient robot drones, which Vicki nicknames \"Chumblies\". Despite numerous offers by the Rills to take Maaga and her crew to safety, she refuses their aid. When the planet is discovered to be on the point of disintegration, Maaga tries to force the time travellers to help her steal the Rills' ship and kill the Rills. Instead, the Doctor allows the Rills to draw power from the TARDIS to refuel and escape, leaving the Drahvins to their fate."],"Transcript":["5:40pm - 6:05pm","[SCENE_BREAK]","1: EXT. PLANET","(A landscape on a seemingly deserted planet. The smooth ground seems to be covered with an asphalt-like tarmac. Splits have occurred in this smooth surface, and from these, trees and plant life spring in abundant quantity. The level of the ground is broken by large rock formations, craggy, but apparently made of the same material as the ground. Vegetation also pushes its way out of gaps in these rocks. It is a peaceful and quiet scene.)","(The silence is broken as the TARDIS materializes.)","WILLIAM EMMS","[SCENE_BREAK]","2: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM","(STEVEN is seated and getting a haircut from VICKI. They watch the DOCTOR as he switches off the TARDIS controls with his usual evident satisfaction.)","VICKI: Arrived, have we?","(The DOCTOR switches off the final controls and the room falls silent.)","DOCTOR: We have my dear.","STEVEN: Good. Where?","DOCTOR: Well, we shall know all about that when we have a look at the scanner, shan't we?","(The DOCTOR switches on the scanner.)","DOCTOR: Now, you can both take a look.","STEVEN: Where are we, Doctor? Is it a planet you recognize?","(STEVEN starts to rise.)","VICKI: Keep still, you nuisance!","STEVEN: (Shouting.) Well now, I want to see where we are!","VICKI: (Shouting.) ... !","(The DOCTOR waves to them to be quiet and then adjusts some controls.)","DOCTOR: Quiet, both of you, will you? Listen!","(There is silence.)","STEVEN: Listen? (Whispering.) Listen to what? I can't hear a thing?","DOCTOR: Exactly, exactly. There isn't a sound out there. Not a sound! Just silence...","[SCENE_BREAK]","3: EXT. PLANET","(The silence is overpowering, strange. No sounds of any animal life, plant life or even of a wind...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM","(The silence in the room is soon replaced by the DOCTOR'S fussing of the dials and switching of the control panel. He looks over the readings.)","DOCTOR: Well, the atmospheric pressure's quite normal; oxygen, temperature, radiation. It's all quite normal... I wonder. Hmm. I wonder if it's possible to have a planet so obviously conducive to life and yet without any?","VICKI: Well, I've finished chopping this fellow. Can we go out and see?","DOCTOR: Yes, I don't see why not my child. It appears absolutely deserted. As a matter of fact, I think we shall get some long-deserved... undisturbed peace for once.","[SCENE_BREAK]","5: EXT. PLANET","(From behind a cluster of rocks, near the TARDIS, comes a chattering and jingling sound. Suddenly a robot, constructed of three collapsible domes, increasing in size and stacked one on top of the other, appears on the rocky slope above and stops. It gives out a strange series of bleeps, jitters and other sounds. The robot fidgets this way and that, then faces the police box. For a moment it chatters to itself.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","6: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM","(STEVEN examines his haircut in a mirror.)","STEVEN: Well, it's not bad... it's a bit amateurish.","VICKI: Oh, c'mon!","STEVEN: You never know, there might be a lake or a river around, Doctor. Do you fancy a swim?","DOCTOR: (Annoyed.) My dear young man, this isn't a joy ride! This is a scientific expedition!","STEVEN: Oh come off it, Doctor! You can't be scientific all the time. Anyway, er, you look as if you could do with a good wash-down.","(The DOCTOR mumbles to himself at this insult.)","VICKI: (Smiling.) What, get him in cold water? you'll be lucky!","DOCTOR: From past experience, we must always be on our guard.","STEVEN: Yes, well I'm prepared to take the risk.","[SCENE_BREAK]","7: EXT. PLANET","(The robot moves towards the TARDIS and bumps into it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","8: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM","(The DOCTOR and VICKI jump at the sound of the collision.)","VICKI: (Softly.) What's that?","(STEVEN walks back into the console room.)","STEVEN: Well, are we all ready, then?","(He is interrupted by a further bump from the outside.)","DOCTOR: Shh, shh!","[SCENE_BREAK]","9: EXT. PLANET","(The robot bumps into the TARDIS yet again, chitters and jingles, then slowly turns to the right, all the time keeping in contact with the outside of the ship. When it is in line with the side, it moves forward, constantly bumping the side, obviously feeling its way along. At the corner it stops, makes various little noises, then nudges its way around and proceeds along that side.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","10: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM","(The DOCTOR, VICKI, and STEVEN are standing and listening. The sounds can clearly be heard within the ship.)","STEVEN: (Whispering.) What's going on?","VICKI: (Whispering.) Something is feeling it's way 'round the ship.","DOCTOR: (Softly.) Yes. Like something trying to discover by touch. Something blind.","(VICKI moves around, facing the sound of the noise.)","VICKI: (Softly.) It's just reaching this corner now.","DOCTOR: (Softly.) Yes, it is blind.","VICKI: (Softly.) Whatever it is?","DOCTOR: (Softly.) As you say my dear, whatever it is.","[SCENE_BREAK]","11: EXT. PLANET","(The robot bumbles its way around the last corner of the TARDIS. It stops, chitters to itself, then moves off a small distance.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","12: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM","(As the robot moves away, it comes into view on the scanner screen. The robot stops, a light starts flashing on top of it, and it starts to emit a high-pitched, whistling sound.)","DOCTOR: Just look, now! Now look, there's something quite different, isn't it? Hmm, hmm!","(The DOCTOR, STEVEN, and VICKI continue to stare at the scanner.)","STEVEN: (Apprehensively.) You know Doctor, it... it looks to me as if it's... sending some kind of message. What do you think?","DOCTOR: Yes, yes, it... it... it might be that. It... ah... to its controller whoever it might be, hmm?","STEVEN: Yes, or whatever it might be.","DOCTOR: Yeah...","(He realises what STEVEN has said.)","DOCTOR: Hey?","VICKI: (Happily.) Oh look! It's got a sort of... \"chumbley\" movement!","STEVEN: (Surprised.) \"Chumbley\"?","VICKI: Yes you know, all sort of... chumbley!","(The DOCTOR laughs. They turn away from the scanner. The robot is now out of sight.)","DOCTOR: It's gone now. Hmm.","STEVEN: (Disappointedly.) Yeah, bang goes my swimming!","VICKI: Oh, it doesn't take much to put you off. A sweet little thing like that?","DOCTOR: You know, I must be wrong child. There is life out there, yes, a very intelligent... highly intelligent life... to build machines like that.","VICKI: Chumbley!","(The DOCTOR turns to the control panel and flicks some switches and levers.)","DOCTOR: Well, Chumbley, if you like, my child.","(He laughs quietly.)","STEVEN: You know, Doctor, that thing might have been dangerous.","DOCTOR: Mmm.","VICKI: (Scoffing.) Ohh...","STEVEN: What are we going to do about it?","(The DOCTOR operates a control and the TARDIS doors swing open.)","DOCTOR: I'm going to find out. Come along my child. And bring my stick.","(The DOCTOR walks out of the ship. VICKI grabs his walking stick and she and STEVEN follow.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","14: EXT. PLANET","(The group exits the TARDIS. the DOCTOR sniffs the air.)","DOCTOR: Oh, it's delightful.","(He takes his stick from VICKI.)","DOCTOR: Yes, thank you. Just about the right amount of oxygen, hmm? (Laughs.)","VICKI: Umm! I can smell flowers!","DOCTOR: Oh indeed! How delightful. Well, there's one thing child - there's no Chumblies about!","(The DOCTOR and VICKI laugh. The DOCTOR locks the TARDIS door.)","STEVEN: Vicki! Look at this!","(STEVEN points upward. VICKI shields her eyes with her hands and looks at the sky.)","VICKI: Three suns!?","STEVEN: Yes, I wonder which one we're revolving around?","(As VICKI looks away, something in a clump of nearby bushes catches her eye.)","VICKI: Oh look! There's those flowers that I could smell... hey, they're roses!","(She moves to examine them.)","VICKI: No they're not, not quite roses, but almost.","(The DOCTOR moves away from the TARDIS, glances up at the suns, then looks around.)","DOCTOR: This silence reminds me of the planet, er, Xeros.","VICKI: You don't think we've jumped the time track again, do you?","DOCTOR: No, no, my dear, not again, not again, but, uh... it's so quiet.","STEVEN: Yeah, it's almost too quiet.","(VICKI has spotted something and looks alarmed.)","VICKI: (Fearfully.) Doctor!","DOCTOR: Mmm?","VICKI: (Fearfully.) A Chumbley!","(The DOCTOR and STEVEN turn. From behind the TARDIS a CHUMBLEY appears, pointing a short, rod-like appendage at them from beneath its dome.)","STEVEN: That one looks pretty vicious! Doctor! Is that a gun?","DOCTOR: Stand still! Otherwise we all might be killed.","(The DOCTOR moves cautiously towards the CHUMBLEY and addresses it.)","DOCTOR: We come in peace. We don't wish you any harm.","(STEVEN edges slowly to the right as the DOCTOR speaks. The CHUMBLEY is silent.)","VICKI: He can't speak.","DOCTOR: No, but, uh, by the look of that thing sticking out in front, it's unmistakably like a speaker to me.","(THE CHUMBLEY now makes whistling sounds.)","VICKI: Trying to talk.","DOCTOR: Hmm.","(STEVEN slowly bends to pick up a piece of rock. As he does he makes a slight sound. Immediately the CHUMBLEY trains its gun on him.)","VICKI: Steven, look out!","DOCTOR: You dumb fool!","STEVEN: I was only trying to get something to protect us...!","DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) Oh, indeed, yes! Very noble indeed!","(The CHUMBLEY makes the same humming noise as it did when it circled the TARDIS.)","DOCTOR: (Annoyed.) Now you've put the thing on its guard. (Intrigued.) Yes, it's interesting, it's fascinating. Did you notice that, er, it didn't do anything until you made a noise?","STEVEN: Yes, it is blind.","VICKI: But it can hear.","DOCTOR: Oh yes, and very accurately! You know, I believe it can locate us by some form of... heat wave, as it were.","(With its usual chirruping sounds, the CHUMBLEY moves toward them. It reaches the DOCTOR and nudges him. The DOCTOR steps back and it nudges him again. He backs some more. The CHUMBLEY then moves away and starts to move toward STEVEN and VICKI.)","STEVEN: Do you get that feeling that it... wants us to go somewhere, Doctor?","DOCTOR: Stand still. Don't let it move you.","(The CHUMBLEY whistles again. They remain as they are despite the nudges of the CHUMBLEY. Then it pauses as it apparently receives a message. It chatters to itself, then points its gun at some vegetation on one of the rocky slopes and fires. The vegetation plants bursts into flame. The DOCTOR, VICKI, and STEVEN react at this demonstration.)","DOCTOR: As neat a treat as ever I saw!","VICKI: What was it?","DOCTOR: Well, it's some kind of light ray, very powerful and dangerous, I would say. I think we're... we'd better do what the thing wants us. (Laughs.)","STEVEN: Yes, c'mon Vicki.","(The three travellers turn in the direction the CHUMBLEY indicates, and they move off. The CHUMBLEY follows closely behind. As they move across the landscape, the CHUMBLEY moves from side to side, herding them along. A short way ahead a spur of rock overhangs the route that they are taking. Two women are in hiding on the spur. They are DRAHVINS. They have blonde hair and their faces are straight and set, showing no emotion. Three rows of dots appear to be their eyebrows. They wear high-necked uniforms. Each holds a futuristic-looking gun. Both look toward the CHUMBLEY and the travellers as they approach. One of the DRAHVINS puts her gun aside and holds up a thin sheet of metal mesh. The other also puts her gun aside and grasps the other edge of the mesh sheet. As the DOCTOR, STEVEN, and VICKI approach, the DRAHVINS ease themselves forward in readiness. Together the two DRAHVINS hurl the mesh down, and it lands on the CHUMBLEY. The CHUMBLEY'S domes instantly collapse down on top of each other. The DOCTOR, STEVEN, and VICKI turn in surprise.)","DOCTOR: (Stutters.) What the...?","(The two DRAHVINS jump down from the spur and join the travellers.)","VICKI: Who are they?","STEVEN: I have no idea, but aren't they a lovely surprise?","DRAHVINS ONE AND TWO: We are the Drahvins.","STEVEN: And... (Chuckling.) ...very nice too.","DOCTOR: (To STEVEN.) Ahh, tcha, tcha, tcha. (To the DRAHVINS.) What might the Drahvins be?","DRAHVIN ONE: We are from the planet Drahva, in Galaxy Four.","STEVEN: Yes, well you seem to have put a pretty effective stop to this thing.","DRAHVIN ONE: As long as the metal mesh covers it, the control waves cannot reach it.","VICKI: (Suspiciously.) What do you want?","DRAHVIN TWO: We came to rescue you from the machines.","STEVEN: Why?","DRAHVIN TWO: Maaga will tell you.","STEVEN: Maaga?","DRAHVIN ONE: Our leader.","DOCTOR: Why can't you tell us, hmm?","DRAHVIN ONE: Our mission was to rescue you. We have done that. We have no other instructions except to take you to Maaga.","DRAHVIN TWO: We do nothing until a leader speaks.","DOCTOR: I see.","DRAHVIN TWO: You will come now.","VICKI: Doctor, I don't trust them. I don't think that we should go with them.","DRAHVIN ONE: If you stay here, more machines will come. They will capture you and take you to the Rills.","DOCTOR: The Rills... are these the people that control these things, hmm?","DRAHVIN TWO: They are not people.","DRAHVIN ONE: They are things.","DRAHVIN TWO: They crawl.","DRAHVIN ONE: They murder.","VICKI: Murder?","DRAHVIN TWO: They have already killed one of us.","DOCTOR: Oh, I should like to meet these Rills!","STEVEN: And be killed, Doctor?","DOCTOR: This is only what they say, and who are they, hmm, hmm?","STEVEN: At least they stopped the Chumbley. Doesn't that prove something?","DOCTOR: Eh, yes, all right, perhaps you better take us to this Maaga, this leader, whatever it is...","VICKI: (Interrupting.) Doctor! More Chumblies!","(They all turn. In the distance three CHUMBLIES are moving in a straight line toward them.)","DRAHVIN ONE: The mesh!","(The two DRAHVINS try to remove the mesh sheet from the CHUMBLEY, but it will not come off. The others watch.)","DRAHVIN ONE: It's caught!","DOCTOR: They're all magnetized so that you can't get the top off.","VICKI: They're getting close!","(The DOCTOR looks around and reacts.)","DOCTOR: Goodness gracious!","STEVEN: Look, it won't come off. Let's leave it.","DRAHVIN TWO: We were instructed not to lose...","STEVEN: Look, were you instructed to be killed as well?","VICKI: For goodness sake!","DRAHVIN ONE: We must go!","VICKI: Come on! They're nearly here!","DOCTOR: Come! Come!","VICKI: You all right, Doctor?","DOCTOR: Quickly! Quickly!","(They rush off. A moment later the pursuing CHUMBLIES move in and circle the other CHUMBLEY trapped beneath the metal mesh. One CHUMBLEY moves in and reaches out to grasp the metal mesh with its mechanical arm. It pulls the mesh clear, releasing its trapped companion. They move off in the same direction that the DRAHVINS, the DOCTOR, and his companions have taken.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","14: EXT. PLANET","(The fugitives run as fast as they can across the planets surface.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","15: EXT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP","(The DOCTOR, VICKI, STEVEN, and the two DRAHVINS approach the door of the spaceship. The craft is a flat, octagonal vessel supported by struts. All of them are out of breath from running and are clearly exhausted.)","DOCTOR: (Breathless.) Oh!","VICKI: Ah!","DOCTOR: Oh, good gracious!","VICKI: Are you all right?","DOCTOR: Yes, I think so. Ahh, it's all this physical exercise at my age. (Laughs quietly.)","(DRAHVIN ONE looks back nervously in the direction from which they have come.)","DRAHVIN ONE: They're nearly here. Quickly! Inside!","(DRAHVIN ONE leads and the others follow her into the spaceship.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","16: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP","DRAHVIN ONE: Close external door.","DRAHVIN THREE: Close external door.","(The door that they have just come through slides shut, with a whine of power. The door has a large window in it. VICKI looks through it, as the DOCTOR and STEVEN study their surroundings. The airlock area leads directly into a large room, one wall of which is lined with machinery. There are tables, chairs and benches in the room. Several observation windows are in the walls. The DOCTOR is coughing and holds his handkerchief up to his mouth.)","STEVEN: Well, it, ah, was a decent space ship once.","DOCTOR: (Breathlessly.) Very backward now, isn't it? Yes, it's almost fossilized. (He laughs.)","STEVEN: Oh I don't know, it's got one or two good features...","(VICKI runs to her companions from where she has been looking through a window in the door.)","VICKI: We've, uh, just beat those Chumblies... they're still outside.","DOCTOR: Are we safe here?","DRAHVIN ONE: Yes. They cannot enter.","DRAHVIN TWO: Silence! Maaga is coming!","DOCTOR: Maaga! (Laughs.) We're back there again!","(The DOCTOR, VICKI, and STEVEN all laugh together. MAAGA, the leader arrives. She looks identical to her subordinates but has a cold and chilly character about her. Her voice, although crisp and icy, has more emotion than the other DRAHVINS.)","MAAGA: Report!","DRAHVIN ONE: Mission accomplished! We have brought the prisoners.","VICKI: Prisoners?","MAAGA: And the metal mesh?","DRAHVIN ONE: (Fearfully.) It stopped the machine.","MAAGA: Good.","DRAHVIN ONE: (Fearfully.) We... could not... get the mesh back","MAAGA: What?!","DRAHVIN ONE: (Fearfully.) It... became... affixed... to the... machine.","STEVEN: She's got them pretty frightened, hasn't she, Doctor?","DOCTOR: (To MAAGA.) Yes, dear madam, the young lady speaks the truth. The Chumblies are magnetized.","(MAAGA glances at the DOCTOR, then back to the two DRAHVINS.)","MAAGA: (To the two DRAHVINS.) I will deal with you both later. Sit.","(DRAHVIN ONE and DRAHVIN TWO go to a bench and sit down after placing their guns in a rack. MAAGA looks across at the DOCTOR, STEVEN, and VICKI, and attempts to soften her voice.)","MAAGA: (To the DOCTOR.) I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. Won't you sit down?","DOCTOR: Aahhh... yes, heh heh, thank you, I will, hmm.","(He wipes the seat with his handkerchief before sitting down.)","MAAGA: I had to hear the report first.","DOCTOR: Oh naturally!","MAAGA: It is necessary when you are at war.","STEVEN: (Surprised.) At war?","MAAGA: With the Rills and their machines.","VICKI: The Chumblies!","MAAGA: This is a fight to the death. For existence itself...","(The DOCTOR nods to himself, thinking, but gives no other reaction.)","DOCTOR: I see.","MAAGA: ...in which one of us will be obliterated.","DOCTOR: Oh? As bad as that?","MAAGA: (With menace.) Yes, so bad that it is conceivable that you, too, will be obliterated.","DOCTOR: Oh, come now! There is no need to exaggerate.","MAAGA: It's no exaggeration!","VICKI: (Suspiciously.) You want to kill us, don't you? You want to.","MAAGA: When a planet disintegrates, nothing survives.","(The DOCTOR is suddenly alert.)","DOCTOR: (Scornfully.) Disintegrates... this planet, hmm?","MAAGA: Yes, it's in its last moments of life. Soon it will explode.","DOCTOR: When?","MAAGA: In fourteen dawns' time.","STEVEN: Look, how do you know? How can you be so certain?","MAAGA: The Rills told us. That is why they're repairing their spaceship... so that they can escape.","DOCTOR: Hmm... well that sounds reasonable enough to me. (Laughs.)","MAAGA: We must capture that spaceship from them.","STEVEN: What for? This is a spaceship as well, isn't it?","MAAGA: Yes, but it cannot fly! The Rills shut us down! We cannot move!","STEVEN: You... you don't belong here?","MAAGA: No. Nor do the Rills. There is no life on this planet. We come from Drahva. Some four hundred dawns ago, we were investigating this particular section of the galaxy. We were looking for a planet such as this, capable of supporting life so that we might colonise it. There are too many of us on Drahva.","STEVEN: All women?","MAAGA: Women?","STEVEN: Er... yes... Women!","(He is stuck for a further explanation.)","DOCTOR: Yes... er... feminine... female","(The DOCTOR laughs in a slightly embarrassed way and gestures at MAAGA'S own form.)","MAAGA: (Realising.) Oh! (Laughs.) We have a small number of men... as many as we need. The rest we kill.","(The smile on the DOCTOR'S face slowly disappears.)","MAAGA: They consume valuable food and fulfill no particular function.","(MAAGA gestures disdainfully at the three DRAHVINS.)","MAAGA: And these are not what you would call human! They are cultivated in test tubes. We have very good scientists.","(She hits her chest.)","MAAGA: I am a living being! They are products... and inferior products! Grown for a purpose and capable of nothing more.","STEVEN: Grown for what purpose?","MAAGA: To fight, to kill.","(STEVEN and VICKI look at each other. VICKI is sickened.)","DOCTOR: (Somewhat sarcastically.) Yours must be a very interesting civilization. (Laughs.) You attacked the Rills?","MAAGA: No. We were in space above this planet. When we saw a ship, such as we had never seen before. We did not know it, but it was a Rill ship. It fired on us, and we crashed. But before we did, we managed to fire back so that they'd crash, too. On landing... they killed one of my soldiers.","STEVEN: What are they like, these Rills?","MAAGA: (Whispers.) Disgusting!","DOCTOR: Well, (Laughs.) that's no description, no description at all. (Laughs.)","MAAGA: That's all I'll say.","DOCTOR: Yes, I... I think I'm beginning to understand.","STEVEN: Well, so am I, Doctor.","DOCTOR: (Thinking.) Yeah...","STEVEN: This planet's about to explode, the Rills have managed to repair their ship in time so they can escape... you haven't, so you want their ship.","MAAGA: (Coldly.) We have no desire to be here when this planet ceases to exist.","(DRAHVIN THREE, on watch at an observation window, calls out.)","DRAHVIN THREE: Machine approaching!","[SCENE_BREAK]","17: EXT. PLANET","(A CHUMBLEY moves across the landscape, approaching the DRAHVINS' spaceship.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","18: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP","(MAAGA strides to an observation window and looks out.)","MAAGA: To your stations!","(Immediately the DRAHVINS take up positions by projections in the bulkhead, which are, in fact, guns.)","MAAGA: Switch off the outside radio!","(One of the DRAHVINS operates a switch.)","VICKI: What are they doing now?","STEVEN: They're going to have another go at the Chumblies, by the look of things.","DOCTOR: Switch off the outside radio? Why, I wonder, hmm?","(MAAGA turns from the observation window to answer.)","MAAGA: They send the machines to tell us lies. We do not wish to hear them.","DOCTOR: Yes, er, madam! You may not but I'd like to, uh, hear it. (Laughs.)","MAAGA: It's not good for my soldiers!","(The DOCTOR goes over to the observation window and stands by MAAGA. By now THE CHUMBLEY is silent.)","DOCTOR: Ahh, I see. It's stopped.","MAAGA: Yes, now it is sending its message. Fire!","(Firing commences.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","19: EXT. PLANET","(The CHUMBLEY is hit by a burst of smoke and flame. It collapses its domes and is still for a moment, then it raises them again and extends an aerial. It chatters to itself, as if sending a message, and turns and moves off.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","20: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP","(The DOCTOR and MAAGA are looking out of the observation window and see what has happened.)","DOCTOR: (Laughs.) You didn't do it very much damage, did you? (Laughs.)","MAAGA: (Coldly.) My only intention was to scare it off. We've succeeded. (To her people.) To your places.","(DRAHVIN ONE and DRAHVIN TWO immediately go back to the bench. DRAHVIN THREE exits the main chamber.)","DOCTOR: And you haven't destroyed one Chumbley yet.","MAAGA: (Quietly.) We will.","DOCTOR: You know, I think you rather underestimate the Rills. Why should they tell you that this planet is going to die, hmm?","MAAGA: They were trying to tempt us on board their spaceship so that they may kill us!","STEVEN: You know, it seems to me as if they offered you help.","MAAGA: That is what they maintain.","VICKI: They might have been speaking the truth. They might have meant it.","DOCTOR: On the other hand, it might have been a pack of lies.","MAAGA: What do you mean?","DOCTOR: Well this planet could last another billion years.","MAAGA: Yes, that we have no way of proving.","DOCTOR: I have... I'm a scientist!","(MAAGA stares at the DOCTOR.)","MAAGA: (Relieved.) Very well! I should be grateful if you would find out.","DOCTOR: Oh, thank you, thank you! Well, I'm afraid we shall have to go back to my ship. (Laughs.)","(The DOCTOR moves to the door and indicates for VICKI and STEVEN to join him.)","MAAGA: Oh wait! You cannot all go.","DOCTOR: Oh, but, ah, why?","VICKI: Prisoners? Are we?","MAAGA: Of course not. But if you should encounter the machines...","STEVEN: What of it?","MAAGA: I could not guarantee to rescue you again.","DOCTOR: Oh, ho ho, you worry too much! (Laughs.)","MAAGA: I shall feel easier if one of you remain behind.","VICKI: I'll stay.","DOCTOR: But my dear...!","VICKI: (Firmly.) I'll stay! You'll need Steven anyway if you bump into the Chumblies again.","(MAAGA signals for a DRAHVIN to open the outer door. As the DOCTOR and STEVEN leave, STEVEN turns to VICKI and gives her a reassuring smile.)","DOCTOR: (Nervously.) Yes, well, very well, eh heh, young man, eh, you and I will go, (Laughs.) yes. (Laughs again.)","DRAHVIN THREE: Door opening!","(With its whirring sound, the door opens and the DOCTOR steps out.)","STEVEN: We won't be long, Vicki. Promise we won't get lost.","(VICKI nods and smiles bravely. STEVEN leaves and the door shuts.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","21: EXT. PLANET","(The DOCTOR and STEVEN appear over the edge of a slope near the TARDIS. STEVEN sees danger ahead.)","STEVEN: Chumblies!","(They both crouch down and look ahead. A CHUMBLEY is by the TARDIS and is making obvious attempts to gain entry. After a little while it gives up and withdraws, to be replaced immediately by a second CHUMBLEY, who moves up to the ship.)","STEVEN: Can they get in Doctor?","DOCTOR: Well, they'd have to be... pretty well advanced to break my... force barrier, ha, ha...! Hmm?","(There is a screaming of metal as the second CHUMBLEY brings some mechanized force to bear against the door. The DOCTOR and STEVEN continue to watch from their vantage point.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","22. INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP","(VICKI is on her own in the spaceship. She sits on a bench, tense and unhappy. She sighs, stands up, and is about to move to look out of the observation window when she hears something. She goes over to the bulkhead and presses her ear against it.)","MAAGA: (OOV.) To lose the mesh with great incompetence. It was our only weapon against the machines. If we lose to the Rills it will be because of you. You want that, do you?","DRAHVINS: (OOV.) No... no...","MAAGA: (OOV.) You want to be captured by those creeping, revolting, green monsters? You want their slimy claws to close about your necks? You fools! You fools!","(The DRAHVINS moan with dread...)","DRAHVINS: (OOV.) No... no... no...","(VICKI shrinks away in horror.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","23: EXT. PLANET","DOCTOR: I wonder what they're up to, eh?","STEVEN: Trying something else by the look of it.","DOCTOR: Yes...","(A CHUMBLEY, in a last futile attempt, tries its light ray on the doors of the TARDIS. The CHUMBLEY gives up, transmits a message, and moves off.)","DOCTOR: There! You see, my boy, look, not a scratch! Not a scratch! (Laughs.)","STEVEN: Yes, well, are we going in or not, Doctor?","DOCTOR: I certainly excelled myself with that force barrier.","STEVEN: (Exasperated.) Yes, Doctor.","DOCTOR: (Stutters.) Now wait a minute...","(He takes a careful look around.)","DOCTOR: I think they've all gone to bed! (Laughs.)","(They walk over to the TARDIS and the DOCTOR starts to open the door.)","DOCTOR: Well, it's a very good thing I've got you around, young man, to tell me what I'm supposed to be doing!","STEVEN: (Humouring him.) Yes, you're so right, Doctor.","DOCTOR: Hmm? Hmm!","(They enter the TARDIS.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","24. INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM","(The DOCTOR moves across to his astral map machine and presses buttons. He adjusts various dials with growing concern.)","STEVEN: Well, Doctor, will this planet explode?","(The DOCTOR nods, coming to a decision.)","DOCTOR: The Rills were quite right.","STEVEN: Then we've got to get off the planet!","DOCTOR: Yes, if the Drahvins let us go.","STEVEN: We've got to make that sure they do!","DOCTOR: (Excitedly.) They need our help with the Rills! Why do you think they've held Vicki back?","STEVEN: Okay, but we've got to get off here somehow!","DOCTOR: It's imperative we leave at once!","STEVEN: Why is that? The Drahvins did say fourteen dawns.","DOCTOR: Two dawns! Tomorrow is the last day this planet will ever see."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"03x01","Episode Title":"Four Hundred Dawns","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_03x26.json","Recap":["The Doctor and his companions Steven Taylor and Dodo Chaplet arrive some ten million years into the future, on board a generation starshipwhich is carrying the last of humanity away from an Earth that is about to fall into the Sun. However, the cold that Dodo has could prove devastating to these future humans and their servants, the Monoids."],"Transcript":["PAUL ERICKSON & LESLEY SCOTT","05:15pm-05:40pm","[SCENE_BREAK]","1: INT. ARK. JUNGLE","(In a thick jungle, Birds sing in the trees as a Lizard basks on a rock. A Toucan swoops down and disturbs its repose. A few feet away, a creature of a different kind stands and watches. Humanoid in stance, it is covered with a scaly reptilian skin. Its legs are short, its head is covered with a thatch of fair hair and when it turns, it can be seen to only have one eye that swivels round in its socket as it surveys the landscape. The creature walks off into the trees. Thick mists hang in the air and a snake slides down the branches of one tree. With the usual roaring sound of its engines, the TARDIS materialises among the foliage. DODO steps out almost immediately, dressed in a strange semblance of a crusader knights' outfit. Looking round eagerly, she suddenly sneezes. STEVEN steps out of the TARDIS with a scowl and spots the girl. He follows her.)","STEVEN: Just where do you think you're going?","DODO: (Cheekily.) Out.","STEVEN: Out?","DODO: Yes, I thought I'd get some fresh air. Somebody opened the door and...","STEVEN: (Interrupting.) But nobody said you could go out.","DODO: (Walking away.) Do they have to then?","STEVEN: Well, of course they...","(He steps after her but she is going further into the trees.)","STEVEN: Look, Dodo, you don't know what you might have found out here. No gravity, poisoned atmosphere, all sorts of things. Look, stop prancing around over there! What happens if you get lost?","DODO: (Shouting back.) I catch a bus back!","STEVEN: A bus?","(He runs after her.)","STEVEN: Look, what are you talking about? I mean, just where do you think you are?","DODO: Ah! Bet you thought you'd caught me, didn't you? Bet you thought I didn't know. Well, I do.","(She walks off again.)","STEVEN: You do?","DODO: (Walking off.) 'Course I do!","STEVEN: (Looking round.) What, this place? I mean...you recognise it? Wha...what with all these strange animals and flowers and things?","(DODO is looking up at a Toucan in the trees. STEVEN catches up with her.)","STEVEN: Well, you can't have been here before.","DODO: Yes I have. It's just outside London. I came here once with the school. It's called Whipsnade.","(She steps away once more. STEVEN is incredulous.)","STEVEN: \"Just outside London\"? Look, wait a minute! (He catches up once again.) I mean...ha...it can't be!","DODO: Yes it is. (Points.) I bet if you go down that path there, you'll come to the American Bison and the Tea Bar.","STEVEN: (Pauses, then.) Look...we...we don't even know that we're on Earth!","DODO: (Amused.) Earth? Earth? Well, it couldn't be anywhere else now, could it? Hey, look Steven, that proves it. That's a Chameleon.","(The Chameleon sits on a nearby branch.)","STEVEN: What this?","DODO: Mm hmm.","(DODO points to another nearby lizard.)","DODO: And here's a Monitor.","(She points now to an insect clinging to a leaf.)","DODO: Look, that's a Locust. There, what did I tell you?","STEVEN: Look, how do you know all this?","DODO: I learnt it at school. There's nothing you can tell me about nature, simply nothing.","(There is a strange cry of an animal from nearby. DODO wheels round in alarm and turns to STEVEN.)","STEVEN: Having second thoughts?","DODO: No! I just don't remember Whipsnade being so rowdy, that's all.","(She walks off again and past the TARDIS as the DOCTOR steps out.)","DOCTOR: Improbable as it may seem, dear boy, I think the child, er, Dorethea...","DODO: (Interrupting.) Dodo!","DOCTOR: ...er, oh yes, of course, my dear...Dodo is right.","STEVEN: What, do you mean...it is Earth?","DOCTOR: Well, I can't tell you just yet. All I can say is that it's more likely to be Earth than anywhere else and it's very strange indeed. You know, I've been taking a look at my instruments in there...and it's really very strange. Hmm! (Laughs.)","(The two walk back into the TARDIS. The scaly arm of the humanoid lizard parts one of the bushes, the better to see the travellers...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","2: INT. ARK. CONTROL DECK","(In a brightly lit control deck, a trial is in progress. A large monitor screen dominates the deck. Behind it, and to either side can be seen a huge curved roof. Directly beneath the screen is a raised dais - the COMMANDER'S - at which the man himself sits behind a desk. He is elderly but dressed in a robe that ends above the knee and is made up of draped strips of material and an ornate collar. Other humans watch and participate in the trial. Although the other humans are of both sexes and a range of ages - even children - they are also dressed in the robes and wear sandals on their feet. Also here are more of the humanoid lizards, all identical in look except that the head of hair that each has are of different shades. One of them sits at a machine at the foot of the COMMANDERS desk, out of which comes a piece of paper with \"VERDICT...20 - 0 = GUILTY\" printed upon it. The lizard passes it up to the COMMANDER. He reads it and holds up his arm in signal to the of the lizards, who then leads forward a young man - the accused.)","COMMANDER: Prisoner - you've been found guilty of extreme carelessness in carrying out your duties. By leaving open a wide valve in the heat exchange unit, you could have caused an explosion that would have been fatal...not only to the human race, but also to our friends, the Monoids.","(The COMMANDER bows his head to one of the lizards, who bows back.)","COMMANDER: As your commander, galactic law gives me wide powers in such cases. The safety of our people must be preserved at all costs. In these grave circumstances, the lightest sentence I can pass is one of miniaturisation.","(The young man bows his head.)","COMMANDER: Prepare the Minifier. Sentence will be carried out immediately. The prisoner will be retained at micro-cell size, to be re-constituted in its, approximately seven hundred years time, when it can no longer be a danger to us.","(A young woman, MELLIUM, steps forward and looks sadly at the young man. The COMMANDER turns and smiles at a somber looking man who is stood next to a MONOID.)","COMMANDER: Does the prosecution accept this sentence?","(The man ZENTOS, turns to the MONOID and uses sign language to communicate with it. The MONOID nods its head in agreement.)","ZENTOS: (To the COMMANDER.) We do.","COMMANDER: Has the defence anything further to say on the prisoners behalf?","(The defence representative, MANYAK, bows and walks over to the young man. MELLIUM rushes up to the COMMANDER, pleading.)","MELLIUM: Father, anyone can make mistakes. He's not likely to do it again.","COMMANDER: My child, we are the Guardians of the human race. You know our responsibilities cannot be taken lightly. (He speaks with horror in his voice.) Under galactic law, the only alternative punishment...would be...expulsion.","MANYAK: Sir, the prisoner accepts the verdict...and thanks you for your clemency in not imposing a harsher sentence.","COMMANDER: Very well - proceed.","(MELLIUM leaves her father and walks over to the young man.)","MELLIUM: (Sadly.) Goodbye.","(The young man is escorted by two MONOIDS into a booth. He crouches on the floor as a MONOID presses a switch and, as a buzzing sound increases in pitch, the young man shrinks smaller and smaller to the point where he cannot be seen with a naked eye. One of the guardian humans enters the booth and lifts a small tray - containing the miniaturised convict - off the floor. He walks away with it. The prosecution MONOID signs to ZENTOS who then turns to the COMMANDER.)","ZENTOS: My learned friend wishes to thank you, sir, on behalf of the Monoids, for the care you take of us all.","(The COMMANDER smiles with delight. MELLIUM turns away sadly as ZENTOS watches her intently.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","3: INT. ARK. JUNGLE","(The DOCTOR and STEVEN have joined DODO back in the jungle.)","DODO: (Points.) Look Doctor!","(An Elephant walks out of the trees towards them.)","DODO: Hey, look at him then!","(The travellers approach the Elephant, patting it. As DODO feeds it, the DOCTOR and STEVEN step away.)","STEVEN: Well?","DOCTOR: Well, it's just as I said: it's all very very strange. That is an Indian Elephant. (Laughs.)","STEVEN: Yes, I know. What difference does that make? What does it prove?","DOCTOR: Well, that's what I'm trying to find out, dear boy.","DODO: (Stepping forward.) Flowers from America, Birds from Africa, a Snake from Brazil and now an Elephant from India.","DOCTOR: Exactly, my dear.","STEVEN: A jungle incorporating things from all over the world.","DOCTOR: (Thoughtfully.) Yes, you're quite right, my boy. (He parts some branches.) Yes, and top of everything else, it's a jungle without a sky.","(Through the branches, the travellers see that above them is not a blue sky, but a curved metal roof - the same roof that was seen from the control deck.)","DODO: Hey, look at that then!","STEVEN: No sky?","DOCTOR: No sun, no clouds, merely a metal roof radiating some kind of light.","STEVEN: It's extraordinary.","(The DOCTOR jumps gently on the spot.)","DOCTOR: Yes, and, plus something else...","DODO: What's that?","DOCTOR: (He stoops and pats the ground.) The earth, this...this ground we're standing on. It appears to be trembling, mm, mm.","(His two young companions join him.)","DODO: It is more Elephants coming?","STEVEN: An earthquake building up?","DOCTOR: No, it's...it's too regular for that. No, it's more...it's more of a mechanical vibration, hmm, yes.","STEVEN: Look...","DOCTOR: (Getting up.) Extraordinary!","STEVEN: In what circumstances do you get all these things together? I mean, animals a...and vegetable life from different continents?","DODO: With a metal roof and all this shaking?","DOCTOR: There's only one thing that strikes me: this could be some kind of indoor nature park.","STEVEN: Yes, but on this scale?","DOCTOR: Yes, yes, improbable dear boy, but possible, definitely possible.","DODO: But are we on Earth or...or...","DOCTOR: Mmm?","(DODO cannot finish her sentence as she sneezes again.)","DOCTOR: Oh, bless you my dear.","DODO: Oh, thanks.","DOCTOR: You, er, have a handkerchief, I hope?","DODO: 'Course I have.","DOCTOR: Well then, use it, my child! We must do something about that cold of yours. That reminds me, why...why are you dressed in these stupid clothes, hmm? Have you been fruitling about in my wardrobe? Is that what it is? What do you think you're playing at, crusades?","DODO: I'm not playing at anything. Is it all right to wear, or do I have to ask permission for that as well?","DOCTOR: Yes, you do my dear. Now you take care of them. 'Cos you never know when we might use them. Now I suggest we take a last look round and, er, we'll get you off to bed.","DODO: Arw, you're not going to send me home, are you?","DOCTOR: Home? (Laughs.) What an idea, hmm? I couldn't send you home even if I wanted to.","(He walks off.)","DODO: (To STEVEN.) Oh, that's all right then. I think I'm beginning to enjoy this space travel or whatever it is.","(She walks off. STEVEN smiles and walks off, not seeing the MONOID that has been watching them. It watches them go, then moves off.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4: INT. ARK. CONTROL DECK","(The MONOID walks onto the control deck. A transporter trolley driven by another MONOID passes it and children play nearby as it goes up to ZENTOS and signals to him. After a short signed conversation, ZENTOS goes over to where the COMMANDER is examining a large plan with MELLIUM.)","ZENTOS: Commander?","COMMANDER: Yes, Zentos?","ZENTOS: A strange report from the jungle. The Monoids acquaint us of intruders.","COMMANDER: Intruders? But how can that be? How could they have entered it?","ZENTOS: I've no idea. I'll try and trace them.","(ZENTOS walks over to a control desk in the middle of the room which is covered with controls and small monitors.)","MELLIUM: (To the COMMANDER.) But surely it's impossible for anyone to be in the jungle that we don't know about? Well where will they have come from?","COMMANDER: I don't know. Perhaps when we see them.","(An image of the jungle appears on the large screen. All the Guardians and MONOIDS turn and look up at it. The monitor camera passes across the trees and then stops as it catches sight of the DOCTOR and STEVEN.)","ZENTOS: Here they are.","COMMANDER: They look like human beings. But they can't be. We accounted for everyone.","ZENTOS: Shall we not arrest them and bring them here and question them?","MELLIUM: Father look!","(The TARDIS is now shown on the screen.)","MELLIUM: It seems to be their spaceship. It is an unusual design.","(The COMMANDER takes ZENTOS to one side.)","COMMANDER: Are we sure this is nothing to do with the Monoids?","ZENTOS: Quite sure. It was they who reported it.","COMMANDER: Good, then you're right - they must be questioned.","(ZENTOS starts to walk away.)","COMMANDER: (Smiling.) But Zentos...not arrested - invited.","(ZENTOS walks away as MELLIUM and the occupants of the control deck continue to watch the screen.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","5: INT. ARK. JUNGLE","DODO: Doctor, Steven, get a look at these fab pictures!","(The DOCTOR and STEVEN walk over to her.)","DOCTOR: Ah...fab, mm! My dear child, if you're going to be with us for any length of time, you'll have to do something about that English of yours.","DODO: What's wrong with it?","DOCTOR: Well, it's terrible child! Oh, it's most irritating! Hmm!","(The DOCTOR moves over to a rock that DODO has found and looks at the pictures painted upon it.)","DOCTOR: Oh, look at that now. Isn't that extraordinary? Ah, very interesting. It looks like a Zebra with two heads.","STEVEN: Yes, well that could be the imagination of the artist.","DOCTOR: Hmm, perhaps...and perhaps not. What then, mm? Hmm! Yes, we've already estab...er...established this place as illogical. Why shouldn't there be animals with two heads, hmm?","STEVEN: No reason at all, except that the more we see of it, the less like Earth it becomes.","(An alarm suddenly blares across the jungle.)","DODO: What's that? Do you think somebody's seen us.","STEVEN: There's only one way to find out.","DOCTOR: Yes!","(STEVEN runs a short way to find out the cause of the alarm...but stops in his tracks as he sees two MONOIDS examining the TARDIS. He runs back to his companions.)","STEVEN: You were right. It is an alarm. They've found the TARDIS. I can't say I like the look of them.","DODO: What's that?","(The alarm stops.)","STEVEN: They're coming this way, searching for us.","DODO: There's a kind of cave there.","STEVEN: Go on, you go ahead.","DOCTOR: Yes, yes.","(DODO moves off.)","DOCTOR: What do they look like, dear boy?","STEVEN: Terrifying! Is this is Earth, it's no longer inhabited by human beings.","DOCTOR: Shh! You'll frighten the child! Come on!","[SCENE_BREAK]","6: INT. ARK. CAVE","(The DOCTOR and STEVEN join DODO in the small cave. The DOCTOR signals to DODO to be quiet.)","DODO: (Loud whisper.) What are they? Some ...","DOCTOR: Now don't worry child, you're quite safe with us.","DODO: Yeah, but supposing they have two hea...?","(She cannot complete the sentence as she feels another sneeze coming on. STEVEN rushes over as covers her mouth as the MONOIDS are heard outside the cave. After a tense moment, the travellers hear them moving off.)","STEVEN: (Quietly, to DODO.) Bless you. Remind me never to take you out again when you've got a cold. for us.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Now, let's try and get back to the TARDIS. Take care, this might be dangerous.","(They start to move out. DODO sneezes.)","STEVEN: (Harshly.) Keep quiet!","(DODO turns her back on STEVEN as if upset.)","STEVEN: What's the matter? Are you crying?","DODO: No, me nose is running!","DOCTOR: Just do as he says child! This may be very difficult.","(They move out of the cave.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","7: INT. ARK. JUNGLE","(STEVEN leads the way. He suddenly stops.)","STEVEN: Doctor!","(The DOCTOR joins him.)","DOCTOR: Why yes, of course! Yes, ha ha! I know where I am now, yes indeed! (Laughs.)","(Through the trees, on the horizon and below the metal roof, can be seen a series of buildings - the control deck and the inhabitation of the Guardians and the Monoids.)","STEVEN: It looks like some sort of city, factory?","DOCTOR: No, no dear boy, all this is a spaceship, hmm!","STEVEN: (Incredulous.) A spaceship?","DOCTOR: Yes, exactly! (Laughs.)","DODO: (Nervously.) Hey Doctor?","DOCTOR: Mmm?","DODO: If this is a spaceship...what are they?","(She points to the immediate jungle...from where MONOIDS rise out of various places of hiding. They are surrounded.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","8: INT. ARK. CONTROL DECK","(A report prints out of the machine next to the COMMANDER'S desk as the travellers explain their origins.)","COMMANDER: You travel in that black box?","STEVEN: Yes.","COMMANDER: (Intrigued.) Well, how are you able to make your spaceship enter ours?","STEVEN: It isn't just a spaceship. It can travel anywhere in time or space.","ZENTOS: (Suspiciously.) Why have you chosen to come here?","STEVEN: Well, we didn't. It has a mind of its own.","COMMANDER: (Laughs.) I don't understand. Experiments to pass through the fourth dimension were undertaken in the twenty-seventh segment of time. They were unsuccessful. How can anything so crude...","STEVEN: Look, I told you before - the Doctor's the one who will tell you anything you want to know.","(The COMMANDER signals an instruction to a MONOID as STEVEN watches.)","STEVEN: May I ask a question also?","ZENTOS: (Grabbing STEVEN'S arm.) No!","COMMANDER: Why not? We're all friends here.","(After a second, ZENTOS lets go of STEVEN.)","STEVEN: Look, is this really a spaceship? This city and all that surrounds it?","COMMANDER: Yes indeed!","(The COMMANDER walks over to the control desk and points out the whereabouts of the control deck on an illuminated plan of the ark.)","COMMANDER: Here we are.","STEVEN: That's the biggest we've ever seen. Look, who are you...and these creatures that serve you?","COMMANDER: Like you, we come from the Earth.","(The COMMANDER looks over to where a MONOID is signing to ZENTOS.)","COMMANDER: The origin of the Monoids is obscure. They came to Earth many years ago, apparently from their own planet which was dying. They offered us their invaluable services...for being allowed to come on this joint voyage.","STEVEN: And where you are going?","COMMANDER: Er, to Refusis II. The Earth also is dying. We have left it for the last time.","STEVEN: The last time?","COMMANDER: Yes, in a short time it will burn and be swallowed in the pull of the Sun.","(MANYAK operates a control and an image of the Earth appears on one of the monitor screens built into the instrumentation deck.)","STEVEN: Then we must have journeyed forward...millions of years!","ZENTOS: (Stepping forward.) You yourself, I take it, are human?","STEVEN: Why yes, of course.","COMMANDER: Why do you doubt him?","ZENTOS: They could be Refusians sent here to intercept us, to sabotage our mission.","STEVEN: Refusians, from the planet you're headed for?","COMMANDER: Explain.","(Guardians step forward. ZENTOS raises his voice to stoke the crowd.)","ZENTOS: We only know them as intelligence's that inhabit that planet. They might have a way of assuming human bodies, of using them to pass, to mingle amongst us!","(The DOCTOR and DODO step through the crowd.)","DOCTOR: (Smiling.) Oh, rubbish, rubbish! With all our imperfections, I can assure you sir, if you were to cut my skin, I would bleed, the same as you would.","STEVEN: He's right.","(DODO sneezes.)","DOCTOR: There you see, complete with chills.","ZENTOS: Chills?","DOCTOR: A virus fever which used to be quite common to the human being.","(The COMMANDER laughs.)","COMMANDER: And cured so long ago, we've forgotten what it was like! Fascinating! Ah ha! It's like history coming to life. Tell me Doctor, if you cannot direct your spacecraft, your journeys must take you to some strange places.","(Whilst the COMMANDER has been saying this, ZENTOS signals to a MONOID who signals back and walks off. MELLIUM, having witnessed this, walks up to ZENTOS.)","MELLIUM: What were you telling him?","ZENTOS: I wish to know more of the travellers spacecraft.","MELLIUM: You do not trust the travellers?","ZENTOS: I know nothing of them. Your father trusts them.","MELLIUM: He knows no more than you. He simply has faith.","ZENTOS: So have I...in my own eyes and ears, and machines tell fewer lies than men.","(The two rejoin the COMMANDER and the time travellers as they finish their conversation.)","DOCTOR: ...including the Daleks.","COMMANDER: Nero, the Trojan wars, the Daleks! (To MELLIUM.) But all that happened in the first segment of time.","DOCTOR: Segment? Er, to use your phrase sir, what \"segment\" are we in now?","COMMANDER: The fifty-seventh.","DOCTOR: Good gracious! We must have jumped at least...ten million years, hmm!","STEVEN: When do you expect your journey to end?","COMMANDER: Not for a long time. Neither I, nor my daughter Mellium, nor Zentos, will ever see the planet. That pleasure is reserved for our children's children, many years hence.","STEVEN: How long from now?","COMMANDER: Using your measurement of time, er, seven hundred years.","DOCTOR: Seven hundred years, but why travel that far? Surely...","COMMANDER: (Interrupting.) Only Refusis has the same conditions that we had on Earth. Atmosphere, water, the right temperature.","STEVEN: Has anyone ever been there?","COMMANDER: No, our knowledge is based purely on audio-space research.","STEVEN: Hmm, no wonder you had to bring everything. At least two of each, you suppose.","DODO: Like the ark?","COMMANDER: the ark?","DODO: Yeah, Noah's ark. You know, two-by-two. (She tuts as the COMMANDER still looks incomprehensible.) The flood!","COMMANDER: I'm afraid I don't know.","(The DOCTOR laughs.)","COMMANDER: But we do have the Earth's full population - human and animal.","DOCTOR: Yes but where sir? I can only see but a few people, hmm?","COMMANDER: We are the Guardians.","(The COMMANDER steps up to his control desk and switches on a monitor.)","COMMANDER: The rest have been reduced to micro-cell...size.","(An image appears of a room containing computer units and cabinets containing drawer upon drawer of shrunken humans.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","9: INT. ARK. STORAGE CHAMBER","(A MONOID works in the room as the COMMANDER describes its function.)","COMMANDER: (OOV.) They are stored in trays and will re-emerge normally when we land. Each cabinet contains a million people. Oh yes! (He gives a short laugh.) There are many things aboard our ship which would interest a traveller.","[SCENE_BREAK]","10: INT. ARK. CONTROL DECK","(He turns to his daughter.)","COMMANDER: Mellium, why don't you show the young people the statue?","MELLIUM: Would you like to see it?","DODO: It depends, what...","STEVEN: (Quickly.) Yes, of course we would. Come on Dodo.","MELLIUM: This way.","(She leads them to one side of the control deck leaving the DOCTOR with the COMMANDER.)","COMMANDER: While I am sure that you would be more interested in the technicalities of our control deck.","DOCTOR: Oh yes, indeed!","(The COMMANDER takes the DOCTOR over to the control desk and its instrument panels.)","COMMANDER: Then I'll leave you with our chief controller, Manyak. He will explain everything.","DOCTOR: Thank you.","(The COMMANDER steps away as a slight noise echoes through the room. ZENTOS watches suspiciously.)","DOCTOR: Now tell me, that, er, noise we heard just now, was that a flight adjustment?","MANYAK: No sir, refuelling ...","(On the other side of the control deck, MELLIUM shows STEVEN and DODO a giant pair of carved feet which stand on a huge plinth. In front of it is a transporter, driven by a MONOID, carrying building materials.)","MELLIUM: Here it is - Homo Sapiens. Started on Earth, due to be completed just before the landing on Refusis.","STEVEN: What? Seven hundred years to sculpt one statue?","MELLIUM: Yes, we're constructing it by hand using the ancient methods. It's for our children and our children's children, so that they can watch it grow gradually as time goes by.","(DODO has climbed some scaffolding blocks and is touching the feet.)","DODO: What is it made of? You can't scratch it, can you?","STEVEN: (Rushing forward.) Dodo! (To MELLIUM.) You'll have to watch her, she'll have the whole thing down.","(He pulls DODO to the ground with a look.)","MELLIUM: It's a substance called Gragarium rock. It'll last for ever.","(MELLIUM climbs to the plinth and takes from a guardian the plan that she and her father were looking at earlier. She passes it down to STEVEN.)","MELLIUM: Here's the finished design.","(STEVEN opens up the plan. It shows a front and side view of the finished statue. A human holding the ark in his right hand.)","DODO: Hey, that's gear!","(An alarm echoes across the control deck.)","DODO: What's that? All that carry on?","(A loading bay door, near to the statue, opens. A transporter is driven through it and onto the deck. A MONOID lies still on the back of the transporter. Other MONOIDS follow. ZENTOS sees what it is carrying and walks over to the COMMANDER who is holding his hand to his head, as if in pain.)","ZENTOS: Commander, the strange disease, the fever is spreading among the Monoids!","COMMANDER: I can hardly hear you Zentos. It's so hot. What's happened to the temperature?","(He stumbles to the floor next to the control desk.)","ZENTOS: Commander?","(The DOCTOR starts to look over the sick MONOID. ZENTOS starts to get frantic.)","ZENTOS: The Commander too - he has the strange fever! The fever brought by the strangers!","MELLIUM: What is it? What's wrong?","ZENTOS: Stay away from them Mellium - and from your father.","(She ignores him and rushes over to the old man.)","MELLIUM: But what is it?","COMMANDER: (Weakly.) I don't know. I'm not sure, but Zentos is right. Stay away.","(The DOCTOR walks round to the COMMANDER.)","ZENTOS: Don't touch him!","DOCTOR: We may be able to help.","DODO: (Reassuringly, to MELLIUM.) It's nothing to worry about. His temperatures a bit high, that's all. It's just a fever. It can only be a cold.","(The DOCTOR looks perturbed. He takes STEVEN to one side, not seeing that ZENTOS is listening intently.)","DOCTOR: Do you realise what this means, dear boy?","STEVEN: What's all the fuss about? The man's caught Dodo's cold, that's all.","DOCTOR: All? All? These people, this generation, have never experienced the common cold - for the simple reason it was wiped out many generations ago before they were born. They have no resistance to it.","STEVEN: What'll happen?","DOCTOR: I don't quite know, I don't know. But it might be fatal and we shall be to blame. Yes, it's all our fault and I should have foreseen it!","(ZENTOS has had enough. He rushes over to the other Guardians and starts shouting...)","ZENTOS: Do you hear that? Did I not try and warn the Commander? I told you these people were evil.","DODO: But it wasn't my fault. How was I supposed to know?","MANYAK: (Over at the transporter.) The sick Monoid - he's dead!","(The time travellers rush over to see.)","ZENTOS: Seize them!","(The travellers are grabbed. ZENTOS rushes up to the COMMANDER'S dais and addresses the crowd.)","ZENTOS: (Shouts.) All of you listen! The success of all we stand for, everything aboard this spaceship is suddenly endangered by the strange fever, a fever brought by these strangers in our midst!","DOCTOR: But I...","ZENTOS: (Shouts.) I invoke the special galactic law against them. Hold them, take them into custody and later, they will be made to suffer for the crime that they have committed!","STEVEN: Look, listen to us!","ZENTOS: Take them away!","(The travellers are dragged away. ZENTOS steps down and goes over to where MELLIUM is tending to her near-unconscious father.)","MELLIUM: What about my father?","ZENTOS: (Quietly.) He may well die - but then again, so might all of us. In which case, it was pointless leaving.","(He turns and looks at the giant monitor screen on which is shown the Earth as it travels on to its doom...)"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"03x26","Episode Title":"The Steel Sky","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_04x02.json","Recap":["Pike is convinced that the Doctor knows the location of Avery's treasure while Polly and Ben try to convince the locals they were not responsible for Longfoot's murder."],"Transcript":["The Smugglers","5:55pm - 6:20pm","[SCENE_BREAK]","1. CAPTAIN PIKE'S CABIN","(The series theme music ends. The serial title appears on the screen over the image of Captain PIKE's metal spike which replaces his lost left hand.)","THE SMUGGLERS","(The serial title fades out. The writer credit appears.)","by","BRIAN HAYLES","(The writer credit fades out. The episode title appears.)","(The episode title fades out. The scene changes to a full view of the cabin.)","PIKE: Well, by thunder you'll talk to me or my name's not Samuel Pike.","DOCTOR: I can tell you nothing, sir.","CHERUB: They talked, Captain. I saw 'em. Holy Joe whispered in his ear secret-like.","DOCTOR: I do not know this Holy Joe that you keep referring to.","PIKE: Holy Joe Longfoot, an old shipmate of ours. Blast his eyes.","CHERUB: The Churchwarden to you, Sawbones.","DOCTOR: He was a member of your crew?","PIKE: Him and me and Cherub was all mates together, serving under Avery.","DOCTOR: Avery!? (The DOCTOR becomes lost in thought, trying to recall the name.)","CHERUB: Aye, Captain Avery. The sharpest skipper to ever sail out of Bristol port.","PIKE: Aye, and one of the blackest. Morgan was a woman aside 'a him.","DOCTOR: Of course, of course! Avery the pirate! Heh, heh! I should have known. Hmm, hmm.","CHERUB: Don't come the innocent with us, Sawbones. You know what Joe was hiding.","PIKE: He took plunder that was rightfully ours, and we mean to get it back, and you may lay to that.","CHERUB: He died before he talked to me, but he told you something.","PIKE: You're going to tell us, ain't ya. Eh?... (Angrily.) Eh?","CHERUB: Ohh, let me make him talk, Captain.","(PIKE laughs, then sits down and tries a softer approach.)","PIKE: Old man, are ye truly a Sawbones?","DOCTOR: I would prefer you to use the correct term, sir. I am a doctor.","PIKE: Well, Doctor, ye had best start using your cleverness. So talk, before I let Cherub have ye.","CHERUB: Let me show him first, Captain, eh? Let me give him a taste of Thomas Tickler.","(CHERUB shows his knife threateningly to the DOCTOR.)","PIKE: He'd be a credit to your trade, would Cherub, Doctor. A... touch like an angel's wing he has with that blade.","CHERUB: Sharp as a whistle, it is. Ever seen a head with no ears, Sawbones, eh? Or what them Mexican Indians can do to a bloke's eyelids, eh?","DOCTOR: You vicious fellow! Get him off my back!","CHERUB: Don't you talk to me like that. Oh, Captain, give me the word. Just give me one minute. I'll have the words spilling out of him like blubber from a whale.","PIKE: Well, Doctor? Will ye loosen your tongue...or lose it altogether?","[SCENE_BREAK]","2. JAIL CELL","(BEN and POLLY are locked in a small cell with a cot in it and straw heaped in a corner. The door has a small window with bars in it.)","BEN: (Sighs.) Awww, of all the bloomin' fixes to be in.","POLLY: I don't know. I find it pretty exciting.","BEN: Oh, you would. But I don't go a bomb on this, and I can't very well report back to a Seventeenth Century navy.","POLLY: Ah, you've got no imagination, that's your trouble. It's great!","BEN: Ohh, great. Stuck in jail for murder.","(BEN sits down on the cot next to POLLY)","BEN: Oh, honest. Who'd have our luck? (Sighs.)","POLLY: The point is, how on earth are we gonna get out of here? There must be some way.","BEN: Well, there better be. I'm not gonna swing for that old nut case at the church.","POLLY: (Gasps.) Ben!","BEN: What?","POLLY: Look in the corner! It's a rat!","BEN: Oh, shut up screaming. (He teases her while she moans and complains.) You big baby. Be quiet.","POLLY: Oh nooo. I can't bear them. Oh, please do something about it. Oh no. I hate...","(During the commotion TOM, the innkeeper's servant, appears in the window of the door.)","TOM: What you screaming for?","BEN: Oh, nothing, We're just happy, mate, that's all.","POLLY: What's your name? Didn't we see you at the inn?","TOM: Name's Tom. I've been put in charge of you prisoners. I've got the keys. (Suddenly accusatory.) But I'm not to speak with you murderers.","BEN: But we didn't kill him.","TOM: Only a stranger'd kill the Churchwarden. You're strangers.","BEN: But we're not the only ones. What about the geezers who kidnapped the Doctor?","TOM: (Suspiciously.) No one else has seen them.","POLLY: But they were there. How else do you suppose the Doctor would disappear?","(Tom appears to think about it for a moment, then dismisses the idea and leaves the window.)","BEN: Aww, the daft nit. What'd he think it was, magic?","POLLY: Ben, that's it!","BEN: Aye? What is?","POLLY: In the Seventeenth Century they were terribly superstitious. They still believed in witches.","BEN: So what you gonna do, fly out of here on a broomstick?","POLLY: No, but I think I've got a plan. Now wait, look. If we get this st... Oh no, the rat's in the corner! You get me some straw, will you please?","(BEN laughs then gathers straw from the corner and hands it to POLLY, who begins fashioning a doll with it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","3. EXTERIOR OF THE INN","(KEWPER the innkeeper leaves his inn and locks the door behind him. He then makes his way to the harbor, where he gets into a rowboat and begins rowing out to sea.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4. PIKE'S CABIN","(PIKE and the DOCTOR continue their conversation while CHERUB watches the DOCTOR suspiciously.)","DOCTOR: If I am to reveal something of what I know, then I demand consideration, sir.","CHERUB: Don't listen to him, Captain. There's trickery afoot.","DOCTOR: (Frustrated.) Oh, I find your friend rather a bore, but you...I think a gentleman. So let us talk like gentlemen. Hmm, hmm?","CHERUB: Captain?","PIKE: What makes you think I like gentlemen, eh?","DOCTOR: Well, it's quite obvious to the perceptive eye, sir. Your dress, your manner, your tastes. (Laughing.) Yes, you're the type of man that has raised himself to an exalted position...unaided. Hmm, hmm.","PIKE: Aye, with this to help me. (Showing his spike hand.)","DOCTOR: Ohh, quite so, quite so. But you I...are neither a barbarian, or a savage. I can see that.","CHERUB: (Laughing.) Oh, quite right! He...","(CHERUB stops when he sees PIKE's glare.)","PIKE: Cherub, you've got a funny sense of humor.","CHERUB: Uh...aye Captain.","PIKE: Well, Doctor, you talk sweet. But don't toy with me or you'll rue it.","DOCTOR: My dear sir, I'm sure you can quickly see through any flattery of mine.","PIKE: Aye, indeed I could.","DOCTOR: So let us talk like men of the world. Be elegant, and with dignity...","PIKE: Talk away?","DOCTOR: Eh, he, heh. May I sit down?","CHERUB: Beware his tongue, Captain.","PIKE: Make way for the Doctor, ye swab.","(CHERUB steps aside and gestures to a chair for the DOCTOR to sit in.)","DOCTOR: (Condescendingly.) Thank you, my man.","(Cherub again produces his knife and moves to harm the DOCTOR, but PIKE uses his spike to pull CHERUB away from the DOCTOR and down to his own face-level.)","PIKE: Cherub, I'm entertaining a guest, and you ain't being very polite.","CHERUB: But he's a snake, Captain.","PIKE: One more word out of you and I'll slit your gizzard, right?... (To the Doctor.) Now, let us talk together like gentlemen. Eh, Doctor?","DOCTOR: (To PIKE's offer of food.) Thank you, no. That would indeed be pleasant.","PIKE: Wine, Cherub, to help the Doctor talk more freely.","DOCTOR: Ahh, one thing more before, eh, we go on any further.","PIKE: Aye?","DOCTOR: Eh, now that we understand each other, I think it would only be fair that if I impart the information you require, I should receive some... small reward. Hmm?","PIKE: Aye. You'll get your reward, never fear. (With a wink to CHERUB.)","DOCTOR: In fact, a share?","PIKE: A share?","DOCTOR: Yes, indeed, yes. After all my dear Captain...thank you (To CHERUB, who is serving the wine.)...there is quite enough to go round, is there not?","PIKE: For them that deserves it. Aye, well...","DOCTOR: Well, here's to a better acquaintance. (Drinking.) Mmm. Oh, yes indeed. Yes, a very fine old Madeira. Yes. Indicative of, of your general taste, sir, if I may say so.","PIKE: Aye... ye may say so... (Angrily.) Now tell us what we want to know!","(The door bursts open without knocking, and JAMAICA, a tall Caribbean sailor with an accent enters.)","PIKE: What?","JAMAICA: Captain! Boat to leeward.","PIKE: Coming up on the sly, is she?","JAMAICA: Gi' us a shout, all friendly.","CHERUB: We got no friends hereabouts.","PIKE: Aye. (He considers.) Cherub, ask them to kindly step aboard a while.","CHERUB: What then, Captain?","PIKE: If it's a...revenue man, you can have him. (They laugh.)","(CHERUB leaves to see to the approaching boat.)","PIKE: And just in case they're friends of yours, Doctor...Jamaica?","JAMAICA: Captain?","PIKE: Take my guest to the galley. Give him food and wine. He's precious.","JAMAICA: Aye, Captain.","(The DOCTOR looks uncomfortable as PIKE and JAMAICA close in on either side of him.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","5. JAIL CELL","(POLLY now holds her completed doll of straw on the end of a string like a small noose.)","BEN: Okay?","POLLY: Here goes.","BEN: Right!","(BEN begins to knock on the door while POLLY sits down and sways as if in a trance.)","BEN: Tom! Thomas me ol' mate. Tom! Come quick! Tom! Quick!","TOM: Ohh, what's your noise for now?","BEN: Tom...can you see Poll... ah, Paul there?","TOM: Aye?","BEN: Well quick Tom, open the door. Come in and help me.","(Polly begins to moan like a ghost.)","BEN: Quick, Tom, open the door!","(Tom opens the door and enters the cell.)","TOM: What's that? What's he doing?","BEN: You see Paul, Tom. Well he's the gibbet.","TOM: Eh?","BEN: He's been took over, Tom...by the spirit of his master.","TOM: No...Such things ain't to be seen by human souls.","BEN: His master, Tom, the bloke what was kidnapped...he's a warlock.","TOM: A warlock! Heaven save us!","BEN: Well, not us, Tom...YOU!","TOM: Me?","BEN: Yeah, the Doctor's a wizard, no less, Tom. And us two are his apprentices.","TOM: Y...you got the power.","BEN: We have, Tom, from our master. Now, you see the gibbet? You see that fellow what's swinging here?","TOM: That's a doll. Just a straw doll.","BEN: Ah, sure mate. But it's more than that...cause it's got a soul. Someone else's soul!","TOM: (Scared.) No.","BEN: It's our master, Tom! He's captured the soul of someone he holds responsible for us being here, and he's gonna do him in!","TOM: Well it ain't me. I ain't but lookin after ye.","BEN: But there's one hair from your head inside that doll, Tom.","TOM: No!","BEN: Can you feel yourself swinging?","TOM: Oooh. It ain't my fault! It were the Squire that ordered it...","BEN: It's too late, Tom! It's you there swinging! And in a minute that doll's gonna fall. And when it does...","TOM: Oh, sir, save me! Save me! I swear it weren't my doing!","BEN: Is that the truth, Tom?","TOM: Oh, sir, it is. It is. Save me! Save me!","BEN: Tom, there is a way.","TOM: Tell me, sir. I...I'd do anything.","BEN: The spell can only work if we're held prisoners. Now, if we were free...","TOM: But...but sir, I gave my word to master Kewper...","(Sensing TOM's hesitation, POLLY starts to moan again and lowers the doll some.)","BEN: Quick, Tom, before your doll falls. Your time's up this minute! Quick!","TOM: Oh sir, I'll do it! I'll do it! Wait a minute! Somehow I'll free you! Oh sir...Have pity! Have mercy!","(While he talks, TOM fishes the keys from his pocket.)","BEN: Well done, Tom.","(TOM unlocks the door.)","BEN: We'll put a good word in for you, mate.","TOM: Sir, am I safe now?","POLLY: Take this, Tom. (POLLY hands TOM the doll.) While you hold it my master will know you and nothing will happen...","BEN: Come on, Polly! (To TOM.) See you sometime, old son. Hey, and remember... from now on you're one of us. (Turns to leave with Polly.) Come on, this way.","[SCENE_BREAK]","6. OUTSIDE THE JAIL","(Out of breath, POLLY and BEN run from the jail and stop to get their bearings.)","POLLY: Ben, where on earth do we go from here?","BEN: Well not the inn, that's for sure.","POLLY: I haven't got the faintest idea where the Doctor is.","BEN: I know! We'll try the old church!","POLLY: Yes, that should be safe enough.","BEN: We might pick up some kind of clue there.","POLLY: And maybe find out who really killed the Churchwarden.","BEN: Yeah. Come on, down here.","(They head off towards the church.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","7. THE DECK OF THE BLACK ALBATROSS","(CHERUB is keeping a gun trained on KEWPER as he climbs aboard.)","CHERUB: And just who's this we have the pleasure of welcoming aboard, eh?","KEWPER: Jacob Kewper's the name. Innkeeper come to talk business.","CHERUB: Ohh. And how would you know of our business, eh matey?","KEWPER: It's more in the manner of putting business in your way.","CHERUB: And what would an innkeeper want with honest sailors?","KEWPER: Ahh no, master. That would be your skipper's ear... if he'll but listen, eh?","(KEWPER slips a gold coin into CHERUB's hand.)","CHERUB: Sounds like he might be interested.","KEWPER: It'll be worth his while.","CHERUB: Come below, matey. But belay any tricks, eh, Master Kewper?","[SCENE_BREAK]","8. PIKE'S CABIN","(PIKE sits alone drinking wine. There is a knock on the door.)","PIKE: Enter.","(The door opens and CHERUB and KEWPER come in.)","CHERUB: A visitor, Captain, who says he'd talk of business.","PIKE: Business?","KEWPER: Aye, business to interest a merchant like yourself, sir, to our mutual benefit.","PIKE: Aye?","KEWPER: Brandy...silks perhaps? Or should I call it...merchandise?","CHERUB: Sounds dishonest, Captain.","PIKE: Aye, it does, by Morgan's beard.","KEWPER: The only man who would call such business dishonest would be a revenue man!","(PIKE spits out the wine he was drinking.)","PIKE: Master innkeeper, I keep a law-abiding ship here. And a clean one!","KEWPER: There is nobody who doubts that, Captain.","PIKE: And I'll have the ears of any man who thinks he'll land me before a judge.","KEWPER: Oh, Heaven preserve us.","PIKE: But I'm willing to do business with any swab I can trust and who trusts me.","KEWPER: (In a conspiratorial tone.) Trust! Aye, if there's... smuggling to be done.","PIKE: So that's your business. I'd know more of this before I drop anchor here, so talk up, man.","KEWPER: And I'll not give details until we shake hands on it. But, I tell you, we are well supported.","PIKE: I'd not prejudice my good name.","KEWPER: Would you throw in your lot with the Squire, and the Churchwarden, eh?","(With a well-rehearsed glance, PIKE signals to CHERUB who moves behind KEWPER.)","PIKE: Maybe...but not with scum like you!","(CHERUB seizes KEWPER's arms.)","KEWPER: What trick's this?!","PIKE: The choicest apple, top of the barrel, Innkeeper? I've a mind to have word with this Squire of yours.","KEWPER: I speaks for him! (Grunts as he struggles against CHERUB's hold.) You'll do no business without me!","PIKE: Better for you if he does, matey. Else there'll be another corpse put ashore with Joe Longfoot, eh Cherub?","CHERUB: Indeed, Captain.","KEWPER: (Surprised.) Longfoot? The Churchwarden! You killed him! What for?","PIKE: Because he crossed me, that's why. And nobody who crosses Pike lives to tell the tale.","KEWPER: (Shocked almost speechless.) You're Captain Pike?","PIKE: (Laughs, and then opens the door and calls through it.) Jamaica! (To CHERUB.) There's more to this than we reckoned, eh Cherub?","CHERUB: Indeed there is, Captain.","(JAMAICA appears in the doorway.)","JAMAICA: Captain?","PIKE: Fetch the Doctor, Jamaica.","JAMAICA: Yes, sir! (He leaves immediately.)","KEWPER: Why should you come here?","PIKE: Your tongue is nigh as long as your ears, Innkeep. Careful we don't cut them both short for ya. (To CHERUB.) We're going ashore, Cherub.","CHERUB: Ahh, what about the old Sawbones, Captain?","PIKE: When we come back. Then in time...","(JAMAICA returns ushering in the DOCTOR.)","PIKE: (To KEWPER.) You and the Sawbones... both guests of mine till I return. Treat them well and kindly, Jamaica. But if there's any funny business, why...use this on them. (Gives JAMAICA a cat-'o-nine-tails whip.)","JAMAICA: Sure, Captain. (Chuckles.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","9. THE CHURCH CRYPT","(BEN and POLLY descend the steps in to the dark crypt in the basement of the church.)","BEN: Well, there's not much down here.","POLLY: There's nothing up in the vestry, and we searched that thoroughly enough.","BEN: You know, the old boy must have been bumped off pretty soon after we left.","POLLY: Ben, perhaps the murderer was hiding down here all the time!","BEN: Yeah, could be.","POLLY: (Nervously.) Hoooh.","(They continue to search.)","BEN: Maybe he kept his money box down here, or something?","POLLY: What? Oh, yes. He did look like a bit of a Scrooge, didn't he?","BEN: Well, he was dead scared of something, I know that.","POLLY: Yeah, almost as though he was even expecting something to happen!","BEN: Hmm.","(They search into different areas of the crypt, POLLY moving out of view.)","BEN: Hey Polly!","POLLY: (OOV.) What? Where are you?","(POLLY runs back into view and up to BEN.)","BEN: Listen, maybe the murderer will come back to the scene of the crime!","POLLY: Oh no!","(She then realizes he's just trying to frighten her, and BEN begins to laugh.)","POLLY: Oh shut up, Ben. You are a fool.","BEN: Yeah, maybe you're right, Duchess. Early days for Sherlock Holmes, I suppose.","POLLY: Yeah, well I'm not playing what's-his-name...Watson to you. (Anxious again.) Ooh, dear, I wish we knew where the Doctor was.","BEN: Yeah, and the TARDIS too. In fact if I know him, I bet he's back in it all comfy.","POLLY: Do you think so? Well then we've jolly well got to find the TARDIS too.","BEN: Yeah, that's not such a bad idea. The beach wasn't far from here. Come on.","(They head for the door, but before they can get out a man, wearing a cloak that conceals his identity, enters the crypt. They hide behind a pillar before he can see them. They lie in wait until he is passing the pillar, and then BEN gives him a chop to the neck. The man falls unconscious.)","POLLY: Ben, do you think that's the murderer?","BEN: I'm not stopping to find out. Tie him up first and ask questions after, love.","POLLY: If this is the murderer then we're in the clear. And then if we tell the Squire, now he'll help us find the Doctor!","BEN: Oh, I'm not so sure. He was a bit thick-headed, that Squire. Too much like a petty officer for my liking.","POLLY: Yeah, but we'll never find the Doctor without help. And only he can work the TARDIS.","BEN: Yeah, I see what you mean. I don't fancy getting stuck with this lot for good.","POLLY: Listen, you stay here and guard him, and I'll go to the Squire and tell him we caught him, shall I?","BEN: Well, hadn't I better go?","POLLY: No, I'll go. I don't like it down here.","BEN: OK. Oh, look, Polly. Don't tell him about that, eh!.","POLLY: No alright. I don't suppose I'll be long.","BEN: But Polly, take care, love.","(POLLY leaves and BEN sets to work tying up the man.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","10. THE DECK OF THE BLACK ALBATROSS","(PIKE emerges from below deck dressed in his finest clothes.)","PIKE: Well, what think ye, Cherub? Do I look presentable?","CHERUB: As a picture, Captain, but for that.","(CHERUB indicates PIKE's spike, and they both laugh.)","PIKE: Yes, my little pike will hardly be welcome at the manor, eh?","(PIKE removes his spike and hands it to a sailor.)","PIKE: Here lad, take care of that till I get back.","CHERUB: Ready there below!","(They prepare to go ashore.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","11. THE CHURCH CRYPT","(BEN stands guard over the man in the cloak, who now sits bound to a chair. The man has just regained consciousness.)","BEN: All right mate. Let's hear what you've got to say for yourself.","BLAKE: Untie me at once, you rogue! Do you not know who I am?","BEN: You tell me.","BLAKE: I am Josiah Blake, the King's revenue officer.","BEN: Oh yeah? Prove it.","BLAKE: (Indignantly.) My word should be enough.","BEN: Well not for me it's not, mate.","BLAKE: (Exasperated.) Untie me this instant!","BEN: I'm sorry, old son, but I'm not taking any risks. You may be what you say, but then again you may not.","BLAKE: And who are you, sir? Pray, tell me that. Huh?","BEN: Well, I'm just a sailor. Only I got nabbed for the murder of the Churchwarden which I did not do. So as you turn up on the scene of the crime I reckon you're a good suspect.","BLAKE: I am here in the pursuance of my duty.","BEN: Oh? And what's that?","BLAKE: I'm after the smugglers, and I think I've found the route that they've been using.","BEN: Eh?","BLAKE: That passageway.","(BLAKE indicates an archway behind BEN where a secret door lies.)","BEN: Oh, sure, I suppose the Churchwarden's one of them.","BLAKE: Hmmm. (Indicating \"yes\".)","BEN: Pull the other one, mate. It rings.","BLAKE: What say you?","BEN: Oh, forget it.","BLAKE: But this is so, I tell you, in truth! The Churchwarden was suspected.","(BEN leans in close to BLAKE.)","BEN: Honest?","BLAKE: I was hoping to confront the villain with the evidence of that passageway, but now that he's dead...","BEN: Ahh, you're stumped. You ain't got no proof.","BLAKE: No, proof aplenty. That tunnel leads through a series of caves down to the beach.","BEN: Down to the beach?!","BLAKE: Aye.","BEN: You've just brought me good news, mate!","(BEN runs to the archway and is about to leave.)","BLAKE: Hey! Where are you going?","BEN: Well, just for a look. Won't be long.","BLAKE: Hey, come back here! Stop in the King's name!","[SCENE_BREAK]","12. THE SQUIRE'S HOUSE - A HALLWAY","(CHERUB and PIKE wait for the Squire in the main hallway of his house. While they wait they admire the SQUIRE's opulent decor, each in his own way...)","PIKE: There's style, Cherub. Style!","CHERUB: Hmm, this would fetch a pretty penny.","(CHERUB greedily eyes the SQUIRE's possessions, obviously intending to pocket a few things.)","PIKE: Belay that, ye dolt. We are honest men, remember? Now, here is our plan: We'll find out all we need to know about these little villains...","CHERUB: (Chuckling.) Smugglers, heh!","PIKE: ...and we'll take their store, find Avery's treasure, and this into the bargain.","(PIKE indicates the SQUIRE's possessions. Then Birch, a servant comes and escorts them to the study where the SQUIRE waits.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","13. THE SQUIRE'S HOUSE - THE STUDY","SQUIRE: Ah, good morning gentlemen. Ha, ha, ha. Good morning to you. Will you take wine with me?","PIKE: Nay, nay, sir Squire. We are come on a matter of business.","SQUIRE: Business? So early in the day? (Laughs.) What can be so urgent so early?","PIKE: We were sent by a friend.","SQUIRE: Friend?","CHERUB: Jacob Kewper.","SQUIRE: Kewper, eh? Then you must be...","PIKE: Merchants, sir. Honest merchants. (They all laugh.)","SQUIRE: By my favorite mare, that's witty! Business indeed!","PIKE: The very word friend Kewper used himself, sir.","CHERUB: Aye.","SQUIRE: Aye. Where is the fellow. Should he not be handling this affair?","CHERUB: Aye, that he is, sir. He's back at the ship accounting our various merchandise.","PIKE: Aye, such silks, such brandy and tobacco. Aye, Squire, indeed.","SQUIRE: Oh, this is worthy of a toast, gentlemen. I insist you drink with me.","(SQUIRE pours drinks for all of them and passes them out.)","SQUIRE: Brandy, eh? Silks and tobacco. Well, here's to a fine cargo and a gallant captain.","PIKE: Here's to a good landfall and no tales told.","CHERUB: And so say I.","(They drink, CHERUB taking all of his at once and letting out a satisfied gasp afterwards. The SQUIRE starts to refill his glass.)","PIKE: Forgive him, sir Squire. An honest fellow, but unused to the ways of gentlefolk.","SQUIRE: Oh, no consequence, no consequence. Ah, ah, ah, pray, have you breakfasted?","PIKE: Aye, but I would remind you, sir, we still have business in hand.","SQUIRE: Ahh, yeah, indeed. Now, (Ahem.) what would Kewper have me do?","PIKE: Sir, he thought you might spare the time of day to explain such, eh, petty matters as must trouble us poor sailors.","CHERUB: Aye, where to land, where to leave the goods, and things.","SQUIRE: Oh, as for delivery, 'tis at the church... on the clifftop.","(CHERUB tries to suppress his laugh.)","SQUIRE: Likely, eh?","PIKE: Most suitable. But, ah, who will receive our goods, sir?","SQUIRE: Ahhh, t'was to have been the Churchwarden, bur he's been most foully murdered by renegades.","CHERUB: Shame, such a holy-minded man!","PIKE: But where are we to put our boat, sir?","SQUIRE: Ah, now I think it best if we be all pre...","(POLLY enters being held by Birch, the servant, and is struggling against his grip.)","SQUIRE: What?! Great Heavens! This is one of the very renegades who slew poor Longfoot! How did you escape? Well done, Birch.","POLLY: Well done, nothing. I came here of my own free will, Squire.","SQUIRE: Ehh, you may go, Birch.","POLLY: I came here to tell you that we found... (She sees CHERUB.) You! you're the one that kidnapped the Doctor!","[SCENE_BREAK]","14. PIKE'S CABIN","(The DOCTOR and KEWPER sit under the guard of JAMAICA. They speak in low voices.)","DOCTOR: Tell me about my friends.","KEWPER: Aye, it's bad news, sir.","DOCTOR: Why, is there trouble?","KEWPER: Aye, they are taken for trial for the murder of the Churchwarden, which was done by Cherub, sir.","DOCTOR: Oh, good gracious! We must escape from here and try and help them.","KEWPER: Aye, not only for the sake of your friends, sir, but for the sake of the whole village yonder.","DOCTOR: But I don't understand you.","KEWPER: Pike is the bloodiest pirate now alive, sir. No one has ever seen that deadly hook and lived.","DOCTOR: Oh, yes, I quite agree. A somewhat violent man. Hmm.","KEWPER: Why did he take you, sir?","DOCTOR: Oh, because he thought that I held the secret of the treasure belonging to the deceased pirate, Avery.","KEWPER: Avery's gold!? Buried ashore!?","DOCTOR: Oh, yes, he's determined to get it. Yes, yes, apparently... the Churchwarden knew something about it.","KEWPER: Then Pike'll have it, sir, or raze the village to the ground in the finding of it.","DOCTOR: But the officers of the law?","KEWPER: D'oh, they'd be no match for Pike's men, sir. Once he's laid his plans, we and the village are lost. We...we must get back word to them, sir.","DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I think I agree. Yes, eh, eh, well, bear with me, sir. I, ah, I have a plan.","(The DOCTOR speaks louder to KEWPER so that JAMAICA will hear.)","DOCTOR: Ehh, tell me, sir. Ah, you, ah, play cards? Hmm? Hmm, hmm.","[SCENE_BREAK]","15. THE SQUIRE'S STUDY","SQUIRE: I don't believe one word of this trumped-up story. Not a jot!","CHERUB: Such a sweet young face and yet so wicked.","PIKE: It smacks of a trap, eh, Mister Cherub?","CHERUB: Indeed it does, Captain. Very dangerous.","POLLY: But we are innocent and he took the Doctor.","PIKE: I have none sick aboard. Wherefore should I need a sawbones?","POLLY: I don't know but you took him. And I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't have a hand in the killing of the Churchwarden too!","SQUIRE: Cease these vile untruths, boy! These gentlemen are goodly merchants. I vouch for them. You are a stranger here, as is your companion, and therefore not to be trusted.","POLLY: But we haven't done anything!","SQUIRE: A man is dead, boy.","POLLY: We left him alive.","SQUIRE: (Pauses, surprised.) Oh. Then you did speak with him! (Chuckles.) There's a damning fact, indeed!","PIKE: Out of the mouths of babes, eh?","CHERUB: Such acts of violence in one so young!","PIKE: Aye, young people are not what they were once, not in our time, eh Mister Cherub?","CHERUB: Indeed not, Cap'n. Very wicked.","SQUIRE: Now, who this poor fellow is you captured I know not.","PIKE: Might he not be, ahh, one of our mutual friends, Squire?","SQUIRE: Heh?","PIKE: A revenue officer.","SQUIRE: Ohh! Aye, indeed, it could be so.","CHERUB: Then perhaps we should fall in with this young rouge's pot o' purpose.","PIKE: Yes, recapture this villain's accomplice and let our man free.","CHERUB: That were best.","POLLY: Squire, you're being a fool. These men are villains!","PIKE: Ohh, come, come, lad. Do we look so black-hearted?","CHERUB: Time's short if we're to prepare.","SQUIRE: Aye, we'll ride this very minute, and take our prize with us.","PIKE: Squire, do you not think this lad should be restrained a little, just in case of misfortune?","SQUIRE: Aye, I do. A happy thought, Captain.","PIKE: Here is cord.","(PIKE produces a convenient rope from his pocket and begins to tie POLLY's hands behind her back.)","CHERUB: And here is silence.","(CHERUB uses a scarf to gag POLLY.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","16. THE CHURCH CRYPT","(BEN returns from the tunnel to BLAKE, who still sits tied to the chair.)","BEN: What a turn-up for the books! You don't know what kind of good turn you done me, mate.","BLAKE: I do not share your joyous feelings, boy. Untie me, I say!","BEN: The passageway leads right down to the beach alright, to the very spot we've been looking for.","BLAKE: Hey boy, you one of these smuggling rogues after all?","BEN: No, of course not. But it leads right down to where the TARDIS is.","BLAKE: The TARDIS? What's that, a ship?","BEN: Well, sort of, but you wouldn't understand. Any way, it's there all ready for us to get away. If only I could tell the others, we could all escape!","BLAKE: Eh? Escape!?","BEN: Yes, escape!","(BEN heads up the stairs to the door to the vestry, about to leave the bound BLAKE behind again. Before he can leave, he is stopped by the arrival of PIKE, the SQUIRE, CHERUB and POLLY, who is still bound as well.)","CHERUB: Stand fast, I say there.","BEN: Polly...and you!","(The SQUIRE holds out a pistol and points it at BEN.)","SQUIRE: Recaptured again, eh boy? We'll have no more tricks this time.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The series theme music begins. White credits scroll up over the ending scene. The scene fades to a black background as the white credits continue to scroll up.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(After the designer credit rolls up and off the black screen, the producer credit fades in.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The producer credit fades out. The director credit and BBC logo fade in.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The BBC logo fades out to the black background. The series theme music ends.)"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"04x02","Episode Title":"The Smugglers - part 2","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_04x23.json","Recap":["The TARDIS arrives on the Moon in the year 2070. When Jamie is injured, the other travellers are forced to seek the help of a moonbase afflicted with a space plague."],"Transcript":["THE MOONBASE","by GERRY DAVIS (Uncredited) and KIT PEDLER","first broadcast - 11th February, 1967 running time - 24mins 18secs","[SCENE_BREAK]","1. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM","(Continuing on from THE UNDERWATER MENACE - Intending to go to Mars, the Doctor has tried to set the co-ordinates but the TARDIS, in usual style, is out of control and everybody (DOCTOR, BEN, POLLY, & JAMIE) is being thrown about the room as the DOCTOR wrestles with the controls.)","BEN: Doctor, do something!","DOCTOR: I'm trying to!","(More cries are heard as the Doctor wrestled with the controls and soon everything returns to \"normal\" as the lights come back on and the floor stops shaking.)","DOCTOR: Everything back under control again.","(BEN, meanwhile, has been watching the scanner.)","BEN: Here, we're landing! Look!","(On the scanner, a small planetoid can be seen rushing towards them at a great rate of speed.)","BEN: Coming at a fair rate!","JAMIE: (Standing up and rubbing his head.) Oh, thank the lord for that. You know, Doctor, I'll never ask you to do that again.","DOCTOR: (Staring at JAMIE.) There wasn't any call for that.","POLLY: (Staring at the Scanner.) Anyway, Doctor, you... you've done it. It's Mars! It must be. You've landed the TARDIS exactly where you said you would.","[SCENE_BREAK]","2. LUNAR SURFACE","(With its usual wheezing\/groaning sound the TARDIS fades into existence on a cold rocky surface. Wherever the TARDIS has landed, it certainly isn't Mars.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","3. TARDIS CONTROL ROOM","BEN: Hey, wait a mo! This doesn't look like Mars to me.","POLLY: How do you know? You never seen it.","BEN: No, Duchess, but I have seen pictures of the moon surface and that's what this looks like.","JAMIE: That's the moon?","POLLY: Doctor, is it the moon?","(Shamefaced, the DOCTOR only nods.)","BEN: (Laughing.) Oh well, you weren't too far out, were you? Only two hundred million miles!","DOCTOR: (Deadly serious.) All right, let's move on - while we can.","(He starts to turn back to the controls.)","BEN: What?","POLLY: Now wait a minute! You don't expect to land us on the moon and let us fly off just like that, do you?","BEN: Yeah, at least let us have a look around!","JAMIE: That picture canna be the moon? The moon's way up in the sky.","(BEN and POLLY start towards the main doors.)","DOCTOR: Where do you think you're going?","BEN: You're not going to tell us there is no shore leave.","POLLY: Oh please Doctor. The TARDIS isn't out of control or anything is it?","(This puts the Doctor on the defensive.)","DOCTOR: Oh no, no, no. Just a bumpy landing.","BEN: (Half laughing.) Yeah?","DOCTOR: (Making a decision.) Well, if you must go ashore... only half an hour.","BEN: Right.","POLLY: Super.","(They both make for the doors again.)","DOCTOR: You can't go ashore like that! You need space suits, there's no atmosphere out there. Come on, there's some in the chest.","(The DOCTOR and POLLY opens the chest and starts to take out four space suits, meanwhile BEN and JAMIE look at the scanner.)","JAMIE: Maybe we'll meet the old man in the moon.","BEN: (Laughing.) You won't meet anybody mate if you don't get some gear on.","JAMIE: What? Oh aye.","[SCENE_BREAK]","4. LUNAR SURFACE","(The landscape is briefly illuminated by a series of pulses from a strange spacecraft, hidden from the TARDIS by an overhanging crater. Some time later, all four of them leave the TARDIS and look around.)","DOCTOR: Come on now, lets go over here.","(He starts to move away.)","POLLY: Hey, look at this.","DOCTOR: It`s deserted.","JAMIE: Yeah, I don't think I like it.","(They carry on walking. Suddenly POLLY, who was in the lead, stops...)","POLLY: Look, over there.","(POLLY sees the flash of a landing spaceship, however by the time the others get to her, it has long gone.)","JAMIE: I'll don't see anything.","BEN: What did you see?","POLLY: Some sort of great glow in the sky.","BEN: Probably your eyes getting used to the lunar light. Hey, Doctor?","DOCTOR: Possibly.","(They carry on walking and then POLLY again stops and looks down at her heavy footwear.)","POLLY: Hey, what do we need this great clogs for?","DOCTOR: Try a little jump.","POLLY: All right.","(POLLY jumps but she jumps about 10 feet, higher than a normal person can jump. She rolls over as she lands. BEN and JAMIE laugh, both jumping too but colliding in mid-air.)","DOCTOR: (Concerned.) Careful! One tear in that space suit and you'll suffocate.","POLLY: (To BEN.) You never told me that you took ballet lessons, Ben.","(Everybody laughs at this. POLLY does another jump, higher than BEN's.)","POLLY: (To JAMIE.) Come on, it's easy.","BEN: Look out, here I come.","(JAMIE, with his jump jumps too far and flies off over a ridge.)","POLLY: Where's he gone?","BEN: Over there.","(The three plod over the ridge to find JAMIE and...)","POLLY: (Staring.) What on Earth? Look!","(...see some kind of Moonbase. A large dome seems to dominate the centre of the base but there are lots of small buildings nearby. JAMIE is lying unconscious at the base of the dome.)","BEN: Blimey! What is it?","POLLY: Doctor, what is it?","DOCTOR: I don't know.","POLLY: (Seeing JAMIE.) Hey, I can see Jamie, there he is.","(It's clear that JAMIE has crashed into a plastic dome near to one of the buildings.)","BEN: Hey, there's somebody coming out.","(Two men emerge from a nearby door wearing space suits and carry JAMIE inside.)","DOCTOR: (Starting down.) Come on, let's go.","(The others climb down and bang on the door, which is closed. Suddenly the door slides open and they enter. Behind them the door closes.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","5. CONTROL ROOM","(Inside the dome, men are busy in a weather control room. It has lots of control banks and personnel. Dominating the room is some kind of telescope but it doesn't look like one. There are three main control personnel, HOBSON, a English man and the controller, BENOIT, a Frenchman and his assistant and Number Two and NILS, a Dutchman, and communicator and Number Three. All three of them look worried and under some kind of strain. Nearby is the power room where the power for the \"telescope\" (The Gravitron) is stored and created. Suddenly an alarm sounds as one of the personnel in the room, all wearing caps, collapses and HOBSON, BENOIT and some of the others rush in to see what the problem is. Black veins snake up from his neck to his face.)","BENOIT: What on Earth is it?","(It's seems that the man was poisoned due to some kind of plague.)","HOBSON: I don't know. Get him along to the Medical unit.","BENOIT: But Doctor Evans has gone down with it as well.","HOBSON: Yes, I know that but the relief doctor from Earth should be here on the next shuttle. Roger.","BENOIT: Yes, of course. (Turning to another man.) Bob, give me a hand, will you?","BOB: Yes, right.","(BOB and BENOIT pick up the man, careful not to let the black veined skin touch them, and move out of the room.)","HOBSON: And... (Pointing to another man.) Jules, you take over.","(JULES looks a little worried at being given a large and important task.)","HOBSON: Come on, he won't bite you.","(JULES takes over the position.)","HOBSON: (Thinking.) There must be some source to this infection. (To NILS.) We better get the lads in here and tell them what's happening. Get them on the blower will you, Nils.","NILS: Okay Nobby.","(He turns and speaks into a microphone.)","NILS: Nils, speaking. We, er... We got a bit of a flap on up here...","[SCENE_BREAK]","6. JUST OFF THE CONTROL ROOM","(While the DOCTOR and the others are entering the room, without their helmets but still in their spacesuits, NILS' voice can be heard over the loudspeaker.)","NILS: (OOV.) Mr. Hobson wants a word with you all...","(The man himself walks in and stops and the sight of the three new arrivals (JAMIE has been taken off somewhere).)","HOBSON: Hello. Where did you lot spring from? Don't tell me the shuttle rocket arrived already?","DOCTOR: No, it hasn't.","(One of the two men that carried JAMIE inside the base turns to HOBSON. His name is SAM.)","SAM: There was another one with them, sir. Bob taken him along to the Medical unit. He's all right. He's just knocked himself out or something.","HOBSON: (Sighing.) Oh no, if we haven't got enough troubles already. They've been through the sterile room?","SAM: Yes, Nobby.","DOCTOR: We don't want to cause you any trouble. Just let us collect our young friend and we'll be off.","(POLLY starts to move towards the door. HOBSON grabs her on the arm.)","HOBSON: Hey, not so fast.","POLLY: Please let me go and see Jamie.","BENOIT: I will take you there Mademoiselle. If you come with me.","HOBSON: (Makes a choice.) All right, young lady. You can carry on.","BENOIT: (Showing POLLY the way.) This way.","(They both leave.)","HOBSON: But I just like to have a word with you two.","(Looking at the DOCTOR's manner of dress and hair-style.)","HOBSON: You can do with a extra bactical check by the look of it.","DOCTOR: (Slightly annoyed.) Bactical check?","HOBSON: That's what I said.","BEN: Well, thanks.","DOCTOR: I'll let you know that our TARDIS is as sterile...","(He stops as he sees that HOBSON is fishing for information.)","HOBSON: TARDIS?","DOCTOR: Our space craft.","NILS: (Coming across.) They're all here, sir. Any time you're ready.","HOBSON: Right. (To the DOCTOR.) Well, we'll learn about your spacecraft a little later. Meanwhile, you better come along with me and meet my team and listen to what I have to say.","DOCTOR: Thank you very much.","(They all move forward into the control room which is now packed with people.)","HOBSON: Well, you know what this place is?","DOCTOR: Well, it looks like some sort of weather control centre.","(He notices the Gravitron.)","DOCTOR: Ah, yes. And that's the thing with which you control the weather. That's the culprit then.","BEN: Hey?","DOCTOR: Hmmm. That's what gave us a bumpy landing. Some sort of gravity device.","HOBSON: (Incredulous.) Some sort of Gravity device?! You are from Earth aren't you?","DOCTOR: (Shifty.) Yes.","HOBSON: Well, where have you been for the past 20 years. Every school kid knows about the Gravitron in there.","DOCTOR: (Seeing.) Ah, yes. It must be about the year 2050, Ben.","HOBSON: We've got a proper Rip Van Winkle here.","(Some men laugh.)","HOBSON: It's 2070, in case you like to know.","DOCTOR: (Beaming at BEN.) There you are - I was only twenty years out.","HOBSON: (Turning to the crew.) Well, before we all forget what century we're in, I'd better tell you why I have called you here.","DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) Won't you introduce us first. I am a Doctor.","HOBSON: The Doctor? You're arrived just in time. We need your help.","DOCTOR: Do you?","HOBSON: I'll see you in a moment.","(He turns back.)","HOBSON: Now, this virus...","DOCTOR: I may be able to help you if you introduce us.","(HOBSON gives up.)","HOBSON: Right, Doctor. You'd better meet them all. We're all scientists you see. No room for idle hands, I see to that. Roger Benoit, beside you here, is my assistant. He takes over as Chief Scientist if anything happens to me.","(BENOIT nods a greeting.)","HOBSON: He's a physicist like us and Joe Bentsburg. Nils, our mad Dane, is an astronomer and mathematician as is Charlie here. Ralph, Jules and Frances are geologists. When they are not acting as cooks, looks-outs, general... you know... handyman.","DOCTOR: And this is where you control the Earth's weather.","HOBSON: Hm-Hmm.","DOCTOR: I see.","BENOIT: The gravitron controls the tides, the tides controls the weather.","(He shows a console.)","BENOIT: And from this console we can plot it all on that map.","(He points to the map of the world on the wall.)","BENOIT: Simple, eh?","BEN: Yeah, very simple.","(Closer to the DOCTOR.)","BEN: Wish we had this back in 1966.","DOCTOR: (Smiling.) Why? Was it a bad year...","(Another alarm sounds and a man in the Gravitron room begins to wave his hands to the others before he collapses.)","HOBSON: It's Jim. Quick Francois, take over.","(Jim is carefully pulled away from his controls and Francois takes his place. The Gravitron starts to move downwards and this is quickly spotted.)","BENOIT: Cursor Five over the Pacific is starting to move.","BEN: What does that mean?","DOCTOR: Some form of change in the weather.","HOBSON: We're soon hear from Earth what it means.","NILS: (From communicator.) Here it comes!","(A voice comes from the communicator.)","VOICE: (OOV.) International Space Control Earth calling Weather Control Moon - come in please.","NILS: (Into microphone.) Moonport - standing by.","BEN: It's never done that before, Doctor.","(HOBSON is now by the communicator.)","HOBSON: Hobson here.","VOICE: (OOV.) What's happening up there? The hurricane you were guiding is now 45 degrees off course. It's threatening Hawaii.","HOBSON: One of my men were taken ill. We're operational again now.","VOICE: (OOV.) The controller would like to know the cause of the illness.","HOBSON: Yes, so would we. We now have three men down with this mysterious virus in the past few hours - including the Doctor.","VOICE: (OOV.) One moment please. Stand by for further instructions.","(HOBSON turns to the other crewmen.)","HOBSON: Just hang on for a few moments lads. We better hear what the great Mr. Rinberg has to say.","NILS: Nobby?","HOBSON: Yes.","NILS: There it is again. I'll play it back to you.","(We hear HOBSON again but this time there is some kind of high-pitched whine behind it.)","TAPE: \"Yes, so would we. We now have three men down with this mysterious virus in the past few hours - including the Doctor.\"","VOICE: (Tape OOV.) \"One moment please. Stand by for further instructions.\"","NILS: Here the big noise ratio on that re-run. We're being monitored again.","HOBSON: Monitored?","NILS: Someone, not too far away from the base, is listening to every word we say.","[SCENE_BREAK]","7. SPACE SHIP, INTERIOR","(Inside the spaceship every word is heard. Even though, we can't see anybody, we know that somebody or thing is here. Listening. We can hear the voice from Earth and Hobson over the ship's radio.)","VOICE: (OOV.) \"Moonbase, Moonbase, come in Moonbase.\"","HOBSON: (OOV.) Still standing by.","HOBSON: (OOV.) Well?","VOICE: (OOV.) Your instruction's to send blood samples back to Earth for investigation.","HOBSON: (OOV.) Well, when can we do that? The next shuttle rocket's not for another month.","VOICE: (OOV.) Then they must be put on that rocket. In the meantime the Moonbase is to put into quarantine.","[SCENE_BREAK]","8. CONTROL ROOM","HOBSON: Quarantine!! What if these men aren't fit enough to get back to work. I shall need replacements.","VOICE: (OOV.) If you radio information about this virus, we can do our best to identify it and suggest treatment.","(HOBSON is not happy about this state of affairs.)","HOBSON: I demand to speak to Rinberg.","[SCENE_BREAK]","9. SPACE SHIP, INTERIOR","(Again every word can be heard.)","VOICE: (OOV.) The controller is busy - sorry. Over and out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","10. CONTROL ROOM","NILS: That whole conversion was monitored by someone or something.","HOBSON: Oh, never mind about that now. That Rinberg fellow won't talk to you. How can we trace down this mystery illness with the Doctor himself down with it.","DOCTOR: (To BEN.) We better get out of these things and see how Jamie is. (To HOBSON.) Perhaps I can be of help in the sick bay.","HOBSON: Anything you can do... Bob!","(Another crewman comes over.)","BOB: Yes, Mr Hobson?","HOBSON: Show them to the Medical unit will you?","BOB: Yes, of course. (To the DOCTOR and BEN.) If you will come this way.","DOCTOR: Yes. Thank you.","(All three leave the room as HOBSON turns back to the rest of the crewmen.)","HOBSON: Well, you all heard the position. We don't know what this inflection is and how it got into the base but I want you all to take extra precautions while this emergency is on. We may be short-handed for quite a while.","[SCENE_BREAK]","11. SICKBAY","(This room is half-full with beds which are full of people and instruments. JAMIE is currently lying on one of the beds and BEN and the DOCTOR are now back in their normal clothes and are looking at some readings. POLLY is here and has, by now, some understanding of some of the units about her.)","POLLY: (Attaching a circular unit to JAMIE's chest.) Is this how its goes, Doctor?","DOCTOR: Yes, that's right. Then, this unit automatically controls the pulse, the temperature and the breathing.","POLLY: A sort of electronic Doctor.","DOCTOR: Yes. Almost got stripe trousers.","BEN: It even give you medicines too.","DOCTOR: Yes. It will do very nearly everything.","POLLY: Can't be nice to him. How do you think he is, Doctor?","DOCTOR: Oh, he's not too bad. He's a bit concussed and feverish but he'll be all right with rest.","(JAMIE starts to groan.)","JAMIE: (Softly.) The Piper! The McCrimmon Piper! Don't let him get me!","(He struggles to sit up but he collapses back to his bed.)","DOCTOR: Piper?","POLLY: Some legend of his clan. As far, as I can make out - this piper appears to a McCrimmon just before he dies.","DOCTOR: Has this phantom piper appeared to Jamie yet?","POLLY: You don't believe it, do you?","DOCTOR: No, but he does. It's important to him.","POLLY: He keeps asking us to keep the piper away from him.","DOCTOR: Good. We can see if we can do just that.","(He walks away thinking.)","BEN: Well, carry on Nurse.","POLLY: (Hotly.) Well, at least I try to help. There's a ward full of sick men and no doctor. Somebody got to do something.","(One of the men on the beds starts to groan. All three go over to him.)","POLLY: I wonder who this is?","DOCTOR: (Cautiously.) Don't get too near. Have a look on his chart.","POLLY: That's a good idea.","(She takes a look.)","BEN: It's Dr. Evans.","DOCTOR: Oh, yes. The station doctor. He was the first one to get it.","POLLY: He looks one of the worst.","DOCTOR: (Thinking hard.) There's something about this epidemic that I... I just don't understand. It's not like a real disease at all! It's almost like...","BEN: Not real! What more do you want?","DOCTOR: I don't know. But there are certain signs and symptoms which don't add up.","(He makes a decision.)","DOCTOR: Ben, I want you to go to the control room and keep an eye on things.","BEN: How?","DOCTOR: Give a hand, do anything but keep your eyes and ears open.","BEN: Right.","(He leaves the room.)","DOCTOR: There's something very wrong indeed.","[SCENE_BREAK]","12. CONTROL ROOM","(The Control room is in darkness, aside from the glow from the world map. Everybody is very busy. BENOIT comes into the room and notices that HOBSON is still there and is looking very tired.)","BENOIT: Still up, Nobby. Why not take a rest. Go and get some sleep.","HOBSON: How can I rest with that thing up the spout. (Pointing to the Gravitron.) You know the score as well as I do. Five units off centre and we lift half London into space! Five more and the Atlantic water level goes up three feet! Rinberg don't understand the pressure we're under.","(He spots BEN who has just come into the room.)","HOBSON: Hey you! What do you thinking you are doing?! Skulking here?","BEN: Just wondering if I can help, sir.","HOBSON: Well, how can you help?","BENOIT: We can do with an extra pair of hands - he can help me.","HOBSON: Well, keep him away from me, that's all. All right, I'll go and lie down. Call me if anything happens.","BENOIT: Yes, of course.","(HOBSON turns to leave but he remembers something and turns back.)","HOBSON: Oh, by the way, there were two more of those momentary drops in air pressure while I was on. I have put them in the log.","BENOIT: Right.","(HOBSON leaves. BENOIT turns to BEN.)","BENOIT: Well, there are some coffee cups to clear away if you want to be helpful. And... oh and Ralph, no. 14, needs a hand down in the food store. Can you find your way there?","BEN: I'll find it.","BENOIT: Good boy.","(He turns and walks to a control bank while BEN turns to leave the room.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","13. FOOD STORE","(The big stores room is a huge system of racks, each shelf lined with plastic sacks. Ralph, a well built dark skinned man, is disposing of a broken sack. He is amazed to see that it has some holes in it. He slings it into a large bin marked \"WASTE CONTAINER UNIT\".)","RALPH: Anyone would think we got rats up here.","(He hears some noise (a tin being knocked over) and there is a tall shadow.)","RALPH: Who's that?!","(Total silence but Ralph gets the feeling that he isn't alone.)","RALPH: WHO IS THAT?!","(BEN enters from the doorway.)","BEN: Only me, mate.","RALPH: Oh, for heaven's sake. Don't go sneaking about like that!","BEN: Blimey! You lot aren't half edgy.","RALPH: You would be too, mate, if you have been up here long enough.","(He notices BEN's look at the broken sacks.)","RALPH: Say, are you responsible for the broken bags here.","BEN: Come off it, I only just arrived, haven't I?","RALPH: Okay. See and you can find that lamp. Round the back, most likely.","BEN: Okay.","(He walks off into the gathering darkness of the big room.)","RALPH: (Talking to himself.) Let's see. Still need some more... Milk and Sugar.","(Suddenly he gets that feeling that he wasn't alone again. He turns towards a rack but from behind it comes a silver, three-fingered gloved hand. The new arrival is just off-shot and seen only by the end of its hideous silver claw. The hand touches his head and RALPH cries out in pain. The figure catches him and carries him off.)","BEN: (Calling out.) Ralph!","(Silence.)","BEN: Where are you?","(More silence.)","BEN: Scarpered. Funny bloke.","(BEN leaves, puzzled.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","14. SICKBAY","(POLLY is asleep in a chair but starts as the Doctor enters.)","POLLY: What is that?","(The DOCTOR appears by her.)","DOCTOR: Shhhh, it's all right Polly. It's only me. We don't want to wake everybody up do we?","(POLLY rubs her forehead as she checks the patient - a sure sign of being tired.)","DOCTOR: You look if you can do with some sleep yourself.","POLLY: I'm all right.","(She notices that the DOCTOR is carrying something.)","POLLY: What have you got there?","DOCTOR: Oh, I been doing a little investigation.","(He shows POLLY what he is carrying: a strip of silver metallic material.)","POLLY: A piece of silver paper. What is it?","DOCTOR: I don't know.","(The lights in the room become lower.)","POLLY: What's happened?!","DOCTOR: Oh, it's nothing. It probably just a changeover in the time cycle.","POLLY: What do you mean?","DOCTOR: Oh, you see - it's rather interesting really - you see on the moon, they have a fortnight of days and a fortnight of nights.","POLLY: Well?","DOCTOR: Well, it's oblivious isn't it? They have to make their own day and night artificially up there - or it would upset their own biological time clock.","POLLY: Their what?","DOCTOR: They won't know if they were coming or going. Get it?","POLLY: (Not completely.) Yes.","DOCTOR: Clever girl. QED. That's why it's dark up here.","POLLY: (Seeing.) Oh, I see. Yes, of course. How stupid of me.","DOCTOR: Of course along the control centre it's probably broad daylight.","(POLLY has a slight grin on her face and the DOCTOR spots this.)","DOCTOR: Polly, you wouldn't be making fun of me would you?","POLLY: (Laughing.) No.","(Dr. Evans screams out loud and both of them rush back to his bed. He is tossing restlessly, his face covered in swear.)","POLLY: Dr. Evans.","(EVANS, who is very weak, speaks in almost a whisper.)","EVANS: The hand. No, don't touch me. No. The silver hand.","(He cries out again and then goes limp.)","POLLY: Doctor, is he...","DOCTOR: (Feeling EVAN's forehead and wrist.) Yes, I'm afraid he is.","(The DOCTOR draws EVAN's blanket over his face to hide it from sight. He then draws POLLY aside who is slightly crying over the unexplained death.)","POLLY: What are we gone to do?","DOCTOR: What does he means by the silver hand. I better report this to Mr. Hobson.","(With a reassuring hand on POLLY's shoulder. The DOCTOR leaves the bay.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","15. CONTROL ROOM","(HOBSON is back on shift and BEN is telling him about RALPH's disappearance.)","HOBSON: Can't find him! Ralph!?","BEN: Well, I was helping him load some stores and he just disappeared.","HOBSON: What! In this place. Well, there are only nineteen of us.","(The DOCTOR arriving hears this.)","DOCTOR: Have you tried his quarters?","BEN: Yes.","HOBSON: Why didn't you report this to me?","BEN: Well, I just telling you now, aren't I?","(HOBSON notices the DOCTOR.)","HOBSON: What is it now?","DOCTOR: Terribly sorry. It's Dr. Evans.","HOBSON: Well?","DOCTOR: I'm afraid he's dead.","HOBSON: (Staring.) Dead? No.","BENOIT: This must be reported at once.","HOBSON: Yes, yes... No! No, we haven't got enough data yet. You know what they're like down there. I'll come to the sick bay with you. Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","16. SICKBAY","(POLLY is trying to give JAMIE a class of water.)","POLLY: Here.","(JAMIE takes too much of a gulp.)","POLLY: Gently, Jamie.","(JAMIE takes a couple of more sips. He suddenly point to behind POLLY at a large shadow before passing out.)","POLLY: Jamie!","(She puts the glass down and turns about slowly. It was almost too late but she sees a shadow and screams. The shadow seemed to be carrying something. The shadows leaves and the door closes behind it just as the DOCTOR and HOBSON enter with some others. POLLY runs into the DOCTOR's arms.)","HOBSON: What's the matter?","POLLY: (Pointing.) Something just went out of that door!","HOBSON: Nils! John!","(Both men immediately go towards the other doorway.)","DOCTOR: What was it?","(NILS and JOHN returns.)","NILS: Nothing. Nothing there.","(HOBSON looks at POLLY with a look that states \"You been working too hard.\")","HOBSON: Your nerves are getting the better of you. Where's Evan's body?","POLLY: (Pointing at the cot.) Over there.","(They all walk over to the cot in question.)","HOBSON: All right, let's get it over with.","(The blanket is pulled back but the body is not there. In it's place is a pile of pillows shaped into the form of a man.)","HOBSON: (Angry.) Is this somebody's idea of a particularly bad joke?","DOCTOR: (Anxious.) This is no joke, believe me!","(BENOIT comes rushing in.)","BENOIT: Mr. Hobson, Mr. Hobson, you are wanted! Another man's collapsed at the controls and the Gravitron has been thrown off alignment again.","HOBSON: Come on!","(He turns back to the Doctor's party.)","HOBSON: And you better find that Doctor's body or out you all go - quarantine or no quarantine.","POLLY: (Near to tears.) I don't understand what could have happened. I must have dozed off or something but one thing I am sure of - something went out of that door just as you came in.","DOCTOR: That body can't just have vanished. Polly, I am going to leave you alone...","(POLLY looks worried.)","DOCTOR: ...just for a minute.","POLLY: All right.","(JAMIE stirs as the DOCTOR leaves.)","JAMIE: Water. Water.","POLLY: (Walking to JAMIE's cot.) I'll go and get you some.","(She picks up a cup and makes for the exit.)","JAMIE: Water!","(POLLY leaves the sickbay leaving JAMIE turning restlessly in his cot. Suddenly, we hear another door open and somebody comes into the room. JAMIE rises from his cot to take a good look at what has been stalking the men of the moonbase... It's silver. Strange black tubes run from some kind of chest unit in the centre of the body. It's face has two holes that might have been eyes and a square slit for what could have been it's mouth. Two pieces of metal connect it's ears to some kind of device in it's forehead. They have changed in the past 84 years since mankind has last seen them, but they are certainly back, for the thing that is facing JAMIE is astonishing enough and in no doubt - A CYBERMAN!)","JAMIE: It's you! The phantom piper!","(The CYBERMAN moves forward as it looks like it is going to scoop JAMIE up and it extends its arms ready to stun him...)"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"04x23","Episode Title":"The Moonbase - part 1","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_04x26.json","Recap":["With the Cybermen preparing to launch a full attack, the Doctor and his friends must keep the Moonbase and the Gravitron out of their hands until help arrives from Earth."],"Transcript":["THE MOONBASE","by KIT PEDLAR","first broadcast - 4thMarch 1967 running time - 23mins 28secs","[SCENE_BREAK]","1. LUNAR SURFACE","(A group of CYBERMEN are marching towards the base. The lead CYBERMAN beckons them on.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","2. CONTROL ROOM","(HOBSON walks over to the telescope by the gravitron probe. The DOCTOR follows.)","DOCTOR: They can't just march in here can they?","HOBSON: Not now we've discovered how they got in.","DOCTOR: Oh yes. They tunnelled into the store room.","(JAMIE rushes over.)","JAMIE: Doctor, Mr Hobson, come quickly.","HOBSON: What is it?","(HOBSON and the DOCTOR follow Jamie to the communications console. It starts to receive a message.)","CYBERMAN: (Over radio) Moonbase. Moonbase.","NILS: They've got our wavelength. We hear you.","CYBERMAN: You are surrounded. All resistance is useless. You must open the entry port.","HOBSON: Let me.","(HOBSON walks over to the microphone.)","HOBSON: You're wasting your time. We've discovered your passageway and blocked it. You cannot enter now.","CYBERMAN: Resistance is usele...","(HOBSON turns the radio off.)","POLLY: Can they get in?","HOBSON: I don't know and I'm not stopping to find out. Get me Earth as quick as you can.","NILS: Right.","(NILS activates the radio.)","NILS: Weather control moon calling Earth. Come in please.","(There is a burst of static. Everybody groans at the noise.)","JAMIE: What's that?","HOBSON: Switch that...","POLLY: Ohh... ohh... terrible noise.","BEN: Wasn't like that before.","HOBSON: We'll never hear anything through that if they're jamming it.","BENOIT: Perhaps or... or could it be...","HOBSON: The aerial! They're having a go at the aerial.","(HOBSON goes to leave.)","BENOIT: Where are you going?","HOBSON: Out.","BENOIT: You're crazy. They'd get you in a flash!","HOBSON: Well someone's got to go.","DOCTOR: It's too late. Come and see.","(HOBSON follows the DOCTOR to the telescope. HOBSON looks through it and sees two CYBERMEN wreck the aerial.)","HOBSON: They get us every way, these creatures.","(HOBSON walks away.)","DOCTOR: I refuse to believe that.","(The DOCTOR looks through the telescope.)","DOCTOR: Everything's got a weak point. It's just a question of waiting until it shows up, that's all.","(BENOIT is talking to HOBSON, NILS, BEN and POLLY in the main part of the room.)","BENOIT: They're bound to send a relief rocket within 12 hours. If no signals are received from us.","BEN: A lot of good that is.","NILS: Well with all the trouble we've been giving them I'd say it's certain the rocket is on its way. Sent off hours ago. Rinberg's very quick off the trigger. Right Hobby?","HOBSON: I'm sure of it. There's a replacement for me aboard, no doubt.","POLLY: But that's wonderful!","HOBSON: Thanks very much.","POLLY: Oh! No, what I mean is what are we all worrying about? The Cybermen can't get in and help is on its way.","BEN: Ahh, it all sounds too easy for my liking.","HOBSON: Get the scanner lined up on the flight path between moon and Earth. Let me know the moment you spot anything.","NILS: Right.","HOBSON: All we have to do, Doctor, is to hold on here.","(HOBSON walks towards the gravitron probe.)","DOCTOR: Yes, that's all. It doesn't depend on us though.","BEN: What do you mean?","DOCTOR: Depends on what the Cybermen are hatching up. If the rocket is on it's way, they're bound to be aware of that already.","[SCENE_BREAK]","3. LUNAR SURFACE","(A Cyberman saucer is on the surface of the moon.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4. INTERIOR CYBERMAN SAUCER","(A CYBERMAN operates some controls and a radio comes on. He listens to the CYBERMAN speaking over the radio.)","CYBERMAN: (Over radio) Emergency. Emergency. There is a spaceship approaching from Earth. It will arrive on the lunar surface in 15 minutes. Immediate offensive action must be taken.","[SCENE_BREAK]","5. LUNAR SURFACE","(A CYBERMAN operates its communicator.)","CYBERMAN 1: They have blocked up our way into the base. Another method to gain entry will be tried.","[SCENE_BREAK]","6. INTERIOR CYBERMAN SAUCER","(The CYBERMAN inside is issuing orders to the CYBERMAN who is talking to him.)","CYBERMAN 2: The machine from Earth must first be destroyed. There are 14 minutes left.","CYBERMAN 1: (Over radio) Understood.","[SCENE_BREAK]","7. LUNAR SURFACE","(The CYBERMAN who has just been given orders turns to two other CYBERMEN.)","CYBERMAN 1: Transmit control signal.","(A second CYBERMAN operates a device it is carrying which emits a high pitched sound.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","8. SICK BAY","(A light above the beds flashes. One of the patients, DR EVANS, sits up on his bed. He is in a trance. EVANS picks up the metal control cap and puts it on his head. He rises from the bed and walks towards SAM, who is on duty. EVANS approaches SAM from behind. SAM moves and EVANS walks away to pick something up. EVANS walks back over to SAM and hits him over the head with a heavy object. There is a sickening crunch and SAM falls to the floor.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","9. LUNAR SURFACE","(The first CYBERMAN takes the control device and speaks into it.)","CYBERMAN 1: You will listen to me and follow my instructions.","[SCENE_BREAK]","10. CONTROL ROOM","(BENOIT and NILS are by the communications console.)","BENOIT: Switch on again.","NILS: Without an aerial?","BENOIT: We can pick up local signals.","NILS: Local? Oh I see, the Cybermen.","BENOIT: If they have any more words of cheer for us we might as well hear them.","NILS: Right.","(NILS activates the radio.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","11. SICK BAY","(EVANS picks up a gun from a chair. He holds it.)","CYBERMAN 1: (Through control cap.) Those are your orders.","(EVANS turns slowly around and starts to walk somewhere.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","12. CONTROL ROOM","(BEN is sitting at a console. BENOIT is telling him what to do and JAMIE is watching.)","BENOIT: That is correct. But watch the digital counter.","BEN: Right.","(HOBSON walks towards them.)","HOBSON: How's he shaping?","BENOIT: Not bad for a beginner, I suppose. But it will take a long time yet.","HOBSON: Well, at least the gravitron's stable at the moment.","(HOBSON looks into the gravitron control room.)","HOBSON: I don't know how they can take it for long in that room.","BENOIT: How's Benson standing up to it?","HOBSON: Yes, he's...","BENOIT: He's been on for 6 hours on the trot.","(BENSON is operating controls in the gravitron control room.)","HOBSON: He says he'll be all right for the time being.","BENOIT: Yes I know but should he be on it alone?","HOBSON: Who... who else have we got? You're the only other operator who could replace him and you're needed right here.","BENOIT: Well that's a bit tough on him isn't it?","HOBSON: I know Roget. It's tough on all of us but the lives of millions of people depend on this weather control unit.","(POLLY enters the control area carrying a tray with drinks on it.)","POLLY: Here we are. I've brought us all some coffee to keep us awake.","BEN: Huh, without sugar this time I hope!","POLLY: Of course, don't remind me.","(POLLY passes coffee to everybody.)","HOBSON: Take some coffee to the Doctor, he's in the dome.","POLLY: Right.","HOBSON: (HOBSON passes BEN some coffee) Ben... aah!","(HOBSON sips some coffee. POLLY walks over to the dome and gives the DOCTOR his coffee. EVANS is standing unnoticed by the entrance to the gravitron control room. EVANS enters and hits BENSON from behind. BENSON collapses to the floor and EVANS takes the protective cap off of him.)","CYBERMAN: (Over control device) You will now change field co-ordinates as instructed.","(EVANS puts the cap on and sits at the controls. Outside in the control area BEN turns towards the DOCTOR and POLLY.)","BEN: Doctor!","DOCTOR: Hmm?","(The DOCTOR and POLLY walk over to BEN.)","BEN: They've spotted it on the scanner!","DOCTOR: What?","BEN: The relief ship!","POLLY: Ben, where?","BEN: Over here.","(BEN walks to the consoles.)","DOCTOR: Let's see.","HOBSON: Well?","NILS: No doubt about it. I told you they would be on their way.","POLLY: That's a spaceship?","(POLLY looks at the scanner.)","BEN: No, that's the scanner!","DOCTOR: It's not far off.","(A blip representing the rocket is moving on the scanner.)","HOBSON: Far off? It's coming in now off parking orbit. It'll be down in six minutes.","POLLY: Well don't you think you ought to warn them?","BEN: Yeah, the Cybermen will be waiting for 'em.","HOBSON: Don't worry, they've got their own warning system and weapons. They'll blast the Cybermen and their spaceship to kingdom come in about four minutes from now.","(On the scanner the blip moves towards the centre of the screen.)","POLLY: Come on, come on! It seems to move so slowly.","(The blip moves way past the centre of the screen and towards the top right at an accelerated speed.)","BENOIT: What are they doing?","JAMIE: Looks like they've changed direction.","HOBSON: They've changed into an escape orbit. Follow it.","(NILS moves the scanner.)","NILS: But... it's going too fast. I... I can't keep up with it!","(The blip has disappeared from the scanner.)","HOBSON: Well keep trying!","NILS: I can't hold it! It's accelerating too fast!","(The scanner screen flashes white.)","BENOIT: Look out man! You're on the sun.","NILS: But that's where it's heading!","BENOIT: The acceleration it's... it's gigantic!","HOBSON: Get RT contact with the ship.","NILS: No good sir. The Doppler effect. It's going too fast.","BENOIT: It's had it I'm afraid.","HOBSON: The sun...","BENOIT: Yes.","POLLY: Will somebody please tell us what it all means?","BENOIT: The rocket has been deflected towards the sun. Nothing can save them now.","POLLY: Save them? What are you talking about?","BENOIT: From plunging into the sun.","BEN: But the sun's millions of miles away!","BENOIT: Once they get into the sun's gravity belt they can't change course. It may take a week but they'll end up there just the same.","HOBSON: What on earth could have caused it?","BENOIT: The rocket was deflected of course but why and how?","DOCTOR: Deflected? Yes, of course. The gravitron!","HOBSON: Have the Cybermen got a gravity weapon do you think?","DOCTOR: No, they haven't but we have.","HOBSON: You're not suggesting that...","DOCTOR: There's only one way that rocket could have been deflected into the sun. From this very room!","BENOIT: I see what you mean!","HOBSON: Of course, the gravitron! Benson, he must...","BENOIT: I told you he'd been on duty too long.","DOCTOR: If it is Benson.","(HOBSON and BENOIT walk towards the gravitron control room and look through the window. EVANS turns to face them.)","HOBSON: It's Evans!","(HOBSON walks to the door.)","BEN: But he was in the medical room!","DOCTOR: They must have got control of them again.","BEN: And the other men in there?","DOCTOR: They may not be affected yet. Get along to the medical room. Barricade the door with everything you can find. Keep them in there at all costs!","JAMIE: Right.","(BEN and JAMIE leave.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","13. SICK BAY","(The light above the bed flashes and a high pitched noise starts. All the men who are affected by the neurotrope disease put the control caps on, get off the beds and walk towards the door.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","14. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE SICK BAY","(JAMIE and BEN walk towards the sick bay door.)","JAMIE: Well that's all right. We haven't passed any of them.","BEN: Well maybe it's only Evans who's been reactivated.","JAMIE: Aye. We'd better keep watch just here.","(BEN walks to the door and looks at it.)","BEN: We could stick that thing against the door","(BEN indicates a table).","JAMIE: It won't hold them for long I'm thinking.","BEN: They're not Cybermen mate, they're just flesh and blood like us. Come on, get hold of the other end.","(JAMIE and BEN move away from the door to pick up the table. As they move the table towards the door the door opens. Jamie drops his end of the table in shock. BEN has his back to the door and hasn't seen this.)","BEN: Hey!","JAMIE: Behind you!","(One of the men starts to walk through the door.)","BEN: Quick! Ram him!","(They pick up the table and smash it into the man. The man groans and is thrown backwards into the sick bay.)","BEN: Press the locking button.","(JAMIE presses it.)","JAMIE: It won't hold them for long, will it?","BEN: No. Look, get those chairs and we'll block 'em in.","(JAMIE and BEN move away to pick up the chairs. As they do, one of the men starts to lever open the door with a piece of metal.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","15. CONTROL ROOM","(HOBSON is attempting to talk to EVANS over a speaker system.)","HOBSON: Evans, can you hear me? Listen Evans, this is Hobson talking. Evans, you've got to concentrate. Your brain has been altered by the Cybermen. You're being controlled by them anyhow.","(EVANS carries on operating controls in the gravitron control room. He picks up the gun he took earlier.)","HOBSON: We've got one or two of those things as well, you know. You can't shoot all of us so why not be a good fellow and come out of there.","(EVANS is still sitting at the controls.)","BENOIT: What's he doing in there?","(On the map indicators are moving wildly up and down.)","BENOIT: Look at the field reactors.","HOBSON: Huh?","BENOIT: We must get back control soon. He could flood half of Europe if he keeps the gravitron aligned with spring tides.","HOBSON: That settles it, we'll have to rush him. Get those weapons out.","(Suddenly the radio springs into life. Everyone rushes over to it.)","CYBERMAN: (Over radio) Resistance is useless. All further ships from Earth will be deflected. Open the airlock to us. If you do not we shall destroy the base and you will be eliminated.","(HOBSON walks over to the microphone.)","HOBSON: Can you hear me?","CYBERMAN: Everything you have said in the past half hour has been overheard.","HOBSON: Well you can hear this too then. We're not done yet and we'll fight you to the last man. You'll never get inside this base!","CYBERMAN: We are ready to ready.","(The signal breaks up. The lights go off in the base and there is a whooshing noise as the air escapes. Everyone staggers about unable to breathe.)","HOBSON: (Coughing) They've punctured the dome!","BENOIT: The oxygen masks! Quick everyone, take a mask, over there!","(NILS, BEN and JAMIE rush over to where BENOIT indicated. JAMIE opens a hatch in the ceiling and as he does two more open. Oxygen masks fall down which they all take. The DOCTOR has found two more masks by a console where he and POLLY are standing. The DOCTOR is using one but POLLY cannot reach the other one and the DOCTOR struggles to pass it across to her. HOBSON and BENOIT have gone over to the dome. There is a hole in it.)","BENOIT: I do hope we don't lose... too much oxygen.","HOBSON: Could we patch it, do you think?","BENOIT: We can try.","(HOBSON struggles to take his coat off.)","HOBSON: Give me a hand off, will you?","(BENOIT helps HOBSON take his coat off. By the console, POLLY still hasn't got an oxygen mask.)","POLLY: Doctor, I can't breathe! Uh!","(In the dome HOBSON has manage to take his coat off and he and BENOIT are holding it.)","HOBSON: Put the coat up then.","(HOBSON and BENOIT lift the coat up and put it over the hole. The coat fills the hole and the gushing stops.)","HOBSON: Thank heavens, I can breath again.","(The coat starts to get sucked through the hole.)","BENOIT: Oh no!","(The coat is sucked through the hole and the oxygen starts to escape again.)","HOBSON: Is there anything else we can patch it with?","BENOIT: No... nothing. Wait... over there!","(BENOIT indicates the tray POLLY brought the coffee in on.)","HOBSON: Slide it to me but don't let go of it.","(BENOIT manages to bring the tray over.)","HOBSON: We'll have to do it in one action. No second chance. Are you ready?","BENOIT: Oui.","HOBSON: Hurry... now!","(They lift the tray and it covers the hole completely. On some dials the oxygen and pressure levels rise.)","HOBSON: Stopped them for the moment.","(HOBSON gulps in some air.)","BENOIT: I wonder for how long.","HOBSON: Well, let's have a look.","(HOBSON and BENOIT examine the hole through the plastic tray. Nearby, POLLY is just getting her breath back. The DOCTOR rushes over.)","DOCTOR: Polly! Are you all right?","(POLLY manages to nod in response. NILS releases the reserve oxygen supply and POLLY gulps it in relief.)","POLLY: Oh yes... oh... oh! Where's that air coming from?","NILS: Reserve tanks of oxygen.","POLLY: Oh... well why couldn't we have had those before?","NILS: And lose all our oxygen?","POLLY: Oh, I see. Ooh, ahh.","(POLLY realises something.)","POLLY: It's so quiet.","DOCTOR: Yes, it is isn't it. The gravitron's stopped!","(In the gravitron control room EVANS has collapsed.)","DOCTOR: Quick, before he comes to! Ben, Jamie!","(The DOCTOR, BEN, NILS and JAMIE rush into the gravitron control room towards JOE EVANS.)","NILS: Joe!","BEN: We barricaded the sick bay with half the tables and chairs in the base but it won't hold forever, Doctor.","(The DOCTOR takes the protective cap off of EVANS and BEN and JAMIE help him carry EVANS out. NILS carries BENSON out of the room.)","DOCTOR: Well done Ben. Here's another one for you.","JAMIE: What do we do with him, Doctor?","DOCTOR: That's your problem. Just make sure he doesn't come back here for a while.","BEN: Blimey, I'll be after a job as a copper when I get back to 1966!","(BEN and JAMIE carry EVANS out and NILS carries BENSON away. The DOCTOR drops the protective cap on the floor and examines EVANS' control cap. He puts it in his pocket.)","DOCTOR: Mr Hobson, I've got an idea.","(The DOCTOR rushes over to HOBSON, who is by the hole in the dome.)","HOBSON: Doctor, what do you make of this?","(HOBSON indicates the hole and the DOCTOR looks at it.)","DOCTOR: Made by a laser beam, I woul... should think.","HOBSON: Is there anything known to science the Cybermen haven't got?","DOCTOR: Well they haven't got a gravitron or they wouldn't be after yours.","HOBSON: We'll just have to stand guard in here with those cyberguns.","(BENOIT is looking through the telescope.)","BENOIT: Not much use, I'm afraid. They are getting reinforcements.","HOBSON: What?!","(BENOIT moves away from the telescope.)","BENOIT: Looks like another of their spaceships.","(HOBSON looks through the telescope.)","DOCTOR: Oh yes, there.","(The DOCTOR points and HOBSON looks in that direction. A Cyberman saucer lands.)","HOBSON: Another one!","(Another saucer lands. The communications centre springs into life and NILS and POLLY turn to face it.)","CYBERMAN: (Over radio) We have brought up reinforcements with other weapons, newer functions. You must open the entry port. You cannot stop us now. You will all be completely destroyed.","POLLY: What does he mean \"other weapons\"?","NILS: We'll soon find out. You stay here.","(He sits POLLY down so she can watch the communications centre.)","NILS: I must report this to Mr Hobson.","(NILS rushes away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","16. LUNAR SURFACE","(Five CYBERMEN lift a large object out of a box.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","17. INTERIOR CYBERMAN SPACESHIP","(Three CYBERMEN are inside. One of them is talking to the base.)","CYBERMAN: I shall count to ten. If you still stupidly remain silent we shall fire. One...","[SCENE_BREAK]","18. CONTROL ROOM","(NILS rushes over to HOBSON, BENOIT and the DOCTOR, who are in the dome.)","NILS: Hobby! They've got another weapon. They're going to...","HOBSON: Yes I know. There it is. Everybody take cover. Get down, all of you!","(Everyone except the DOCTOR crouches on the floor.)","HOBSON: Doctor!","DOCTOR: Is the gravitron still switched on?","HOBSON: Yes.","DOCTOR: Then I shall certainly stay here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","19. LUNAR SURFACE","(A group of CYBERMEN are aiming the large gun at the base.)","CYBERMAN: (Over communicator) Nine, ten, fire.","(A CYBERMAN lowers his arm and the others fire. A beam flies towards the base but goes way off above it, deflected by the gravitron. The CYBERMEN recoil through the force of the blast. The lead CYBERMAN looks at the base and sees there was no effect.)","CYBERMAN 1: Again.","(The CYBERMAN lowers its arms again.)","CYBERMAN 1: Fire.","(They fire and the shot is deflected over the base. The lead CYBERMAN examines the gun and then indicates for the CYBERMEN to retreat.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","20. CONTROL ROOM","(The DOCTOR smiles. HOBSON stands up.)","HOBSON: What happened?","DOCTOR: It just deflected over the dome!","(The DOCTOR sways.)","BENOIT: Doctor, are you all right?","DOCTOR: Yes, of course.","(HOBSON and BENOIT support him.)","HOBSON: The gravitron deflected it, the force field.","DOCTOR: Yes, and that gives me an idea.","(The DOCTOR looks through the telescope.)","DOCTOR: What are they doing now?","(The CYBERMEN are putting the gun back into its box.)","DOCTOR: They're packing it away.","HOBSON: What'll they cook up next, I wonder?","(The DOCTOR moves away from the telescope and stands next to the gravitron probe.)","DOCTOR: How far down can this be aimed?","HOBSON: Down?","DOCTOR: Can it be brought to bear on the surface of the moon?","BENOIT: I see!","HOBSON: Ah, well I don't...","DOCTOR: Well has it ever been tried?","BENOIT: No but... but we should try!","DOCTOR: With Evans gone the gravitron is all yours.","BENOIT: Splendid! Magnifique!","(BENOIT rushes away to the gravitron control room.)","HOBSON: It can only go to here","(HOBSON points his hand at the dome at about six feet up from the ground.).","HOBSON: Any further down and the field may affect the base.","DOCTOR: What does that matter now?","HOBSON: Well I suppose you're right, yes.","DOCTOR: Get someone to stand by that window...","(The DOCTOR indicates the gravitron control room window.)","DOCTOR: ...and relay instructions direct to Benoit.","HOBSON: Right!","(HOBSON walks away. The DOCTOR looks through the telescope. BENOIT enters the gravitron control room and puts on the protective cap. POLLY is standing by the window ready to give instructions. She signals to HOBSON that BENOIT is ready.)","HOBSON: Ready.","DOCTOR: Start moving the probe down.","(HOBSON lowers his arms. POLLY repeats the action to BENOIT, who operates some controls.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","21. LUNAR SURFACE","(A group of CYBERMEN, eleven in all, advance towards the base. They stop.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","22. GRAVITRON CONTROL ROOM","(BENOIT operates more controls. He lowers the elevation but the controls will not lower the probe any further. He signals this to POLLY. POLLY repeats this to HOBSON, who is standing by the DOCTOR in the dome.)","HOBSON: That's as far as it'll go.","DOCTOR: What? But it's way over their heads! There's one chance. We'll try bringing it down by hand.","(The DOCTOR tries to move the probe and fails.)","HOBSON: Right.","DOCTOR: Is this still switched off?","HOBSON: No, no, yes it's off.","(HOBSON and the DOCTOR try to lift it from the front.)","DOCTOR: Round the back!","(The DOCTOR and HOBSON push the probe from round the back. It hardly moves.)","HOBSON: Aaah! It won't move.","DOCTOR: All your weight, once more.","(They push again but the probe still hardly moves.)","DOCTOR: Uhh! It's no use, it won't shift.","HOBSON: Aaah, stupid of me. Of course it won't.","DOCTOR: Why?","HOBSON: Well, the angular cut out. It's obvious isn't it?","(HOBSON moves over to a box at the bottom of the probe and opens it.)","HOBSON: You see, there's got to be a safety cut out on the angle of the probe otherwise it might affect the whole base.","(HOBSON pulls a switch.)","HOBSON: There, that's done it.","(HOBSON closes the box and stands up. The DOCTOR gets ready to move the probe manually again.)","HOBSON: No no no, stand back. Benoit can do it now.","DOCTOR: Polly!","HOBSON: Switch on.","(HOBSON signals to POLLY. She repeats his signal to BENOIT. BENOIT pulls a lever.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","22. LUNAR SURFACE","(The probe lowers itself. Two CYBERMEN are lifted off their feet. They struggle to stay on the moon's surface but they are pulled up into space. More CYBERMEN are pulled up by gravity. One of the Cybermen spaceships is lifted off the surface, followed by another and another.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","23. CONTROL ROOM","(Everyone is standing in the dome watching the Cybermen's defeat. They all cheer hooray.)","DOCTOR: We did it! Ha ha!","HOBSON: Well that's taken care of the Cybermen. Now then, everybody, we've got to get this gravitron in operation again as fast as we can.","DOCTOR: I'm so sorry we damaged it.","HOBSON: What? Oh, yes.","(They all walk into the main control area.)","HOBSON: Nils, rig up a temporary aerial, call up space control. Tell Rinberg that we will be operational in er, oh about two hours. He won't like it but it's the best we can do.","NILS: Right.","(The DOCTOR, BEN, POLLY and JAMIE slip away unnoticed.)","HOBSON: Two hours, that's all we've got to get the world's weather back under control again. Benoit, take charge of your side.","BENOIT: Right.","HOBSON: And er, Doctor... what the?","(The doors close behind the DOCTOR's group just after they leave.)","HOBSON: Ah, ah ha, well perhaps it's just as well. We've got enough madmen here already. Now come on, I want to see our first weather plot in two minutes.","(All four base personnel by HOBSON chorus \"Right\" together.)","BENOIT: Right, come on boys.","(They all go to their stations.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","24. LUNAR SURFACE","(The DOCTOR, BEN, POLLY and JAMIE are walking back to the TARDIS wearing their space suits. They take a final look back at the base and move on. The DOCTOR starts to unlock the TARDIS doors. POLLY looks up into space.)","POLLY: Doctor, look.","(POLLY points to the sky. There is something being propelled through space.)","POLLY: Could that be them?","DOCTOR: Possibly. And I hope it's the last we see of them.","(Whatever it is disappears. They all enter the TARDIS. BEN closes the doors behind him. The TARDIS dematerialises. The moon is quiet again and there is nothing left except the Moonbase.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","25. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM","DOCTOR: There we are. In perfect flight.","POLLY: Yes, and look what happened last time.","DOCTOR: Oh, that. What a lot of fuss. Just a bumpy landing, that's all. It won't happen again.","(BEN and JAMIE exchange doubtful glances. A thought strikes the DOCTOR.)","DOCTOR: I know.","BEN: What are you up to now?","DOCTOR: Let's have a look at the time scanner.","POLLY: The what?","(The DOCTOR throws a switch.)","DOCTOR: The time scanner. Instead of the normal picture showing where we are it gives you a glimpse of the future.","(The DOCTOR coughs.)","JAMIE: The second sight? Very dangerous.","DOCTOR: Oh nonsense. I haven't used it very much. It's (The DOCTOR coughs) not very reliable as you can see.","(POLLY is looking at the scanner.)","POLLY: Doctor.","DOCTOR: Mm?","POLLY: Look! Uhh!","(On the scanner there is a giant claw opening and closing.)"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"04x26","Episode Title":"The Moonbase - part 4","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_07x02.json","Recap":["UNIT's attempts to locate the meteorites are hampered by the mysterious plastic Autons, being constructed by Channing at a nearby factory, while the Doctor makes another attempt to escape from the hospital."],"Transcript":["SPEARHEAD FROM SPACE","BY: ROBERT HOLMES","5:15pm - 5:40pm","[SCENE_BREAK]","1: EXT. OXLEY WOOD","(As the DOCTOR comes into view, a single shot fires and the DOCTOR clutches his head...)","CAPTAIN MUNRO: Stop! Stop firing, you fool!","(...and falls to the ground.)","(CAPTAIN MUNRO pushes his way through the bushes and comes across the two nervous soldiers over the still body of the DOCTOR. He runs to examine him, turning him over to feel his heart.)","CAPTAIN MUNRO: What happened?","CORPORAL FORBES: Gave us no warning, sir.","CAPTAIN MUNRO: How could he with his mouth taped?","CORPORAL FORBES: Is he dead, sir?","[SCENE_BREAK]","2: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. WARD","(The same question is asked later by the BRIGADIER and answered by DR. HENDERSON when the DOCTOR is back in the ward, connected to an EEG machine. CAPTAIN MUNRO is also there.)","DR. HENDERSON: No...","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Unconscious?","(HENDERSON is looking over the EEG printout.)","DR. HENDERSON: Yes, he's more unconscious than anyone I've ever seen. Have a look at this EEG.","(The BRIGADIER comes round the bed to join HENDERSON.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: EEG?","DR. HENDERSON: This machine registers the electrical activity of the brain.","(He passes the print out to the BRIGADIER.)","DR. HENDERSON: Normally the line fluctuates considerably...even when the patient is unconscious.","(The BRIGADIER passes the printout to MUNRO.)","CAPTAIN MUNRO: Not a lot going on, is there?","DR. HENDERSON: Nothing whatsoever. Completely passive.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Perhaps that bullet did more damage than you suspected?","DR. HENDERSON: No, it only caused a slight burn on the scalp. It couldn't possibly account for this condition.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Then what is the cause? Could it be shock?","DR. HENDERSON: Could be, but I doubt it. No, he's is such a deep coma that I'd say it was...","(DR. HENDERSON pauses as though embarrassed.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Is what?","DR. HENDERSON: Self-induced.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Is that possible?","DR. HENDERSON: For you or for me, no.","(HENDERSON takes the print out from MUNRO and sits at the table.)","DR. HENDERSON: But we're dealing here with a completely alien physiology. All I can do is guess.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Well, is it safe to move him?","DR. HENDERSON: I honestly don't know, but I'd advise against it.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Hmm. Oh, very well. You'll keep me informed of any change in his condition?","DR. HENDERSON: Yes, of course.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Thank you.","(The BRIGADIER and MUNRO start to leave.)","DR. HENDERSON: Oh, by the way...","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Yes?","(HENDERSON holds up the TARDIS key.)","DR. HENDERSON: We found this in his hand when he was brought in. We had to prise his fingers open. He was really hanging on to it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","3: EXT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. TERRACE","(The BRIGADIER and MUNRO walk in the sunshine along a balustrade terrace outside the hospital.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: The police box is on its way back to headquarters, so you can double the guard here.","CAPTAIN MUNRO: Very good, sir.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Where's this meteorite your chaps found?","CAPTAIN MUNRO: Here we are, sir.","(They have reached a point where a UNIT soldier stands guard over an ammunition box. MUNRO picks it up and places it on top of the balustrade and opens it up. He takes out a shard of a plastic looking material.)","CAPTAIN MUNRO: It's all we could find, sir. It must have broken up when it hit the ground.","(He passes the piece to the BRIGADIER who weighs it in his hand.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: It's light, very light.","CAPTAIN MUNRO: Mmm. Is it some sort of plastic, sir?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Yes, possibly. I'll take it back with me. Have it taken to my car, will you?","CAPTAIN MUNRO: Yes, sir. (To the soldier.) Hawkins.","(He looks at the soldier to carry out the order and they carry on their walk.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Keep a twenty-four hour guard. It's possible these people might try again.","CAPTAIN MUNRO: Right, sir.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: What puzzle me is why they should want to abduct the Doctor.","CAPTAIN MUNRO: Could he be tied up with them in any way, sir?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Yes, it's possible. Anyone get a good look at them?","CAPTAIN MUNRO: I have a picture of one of them, sir.","(MUNRO reaches into his uniform jacket pocket and pulls out a black and white photograph.)","CAPTAIN MUNRO: He was here earlier posing as a reporter.","(MUNRO shows him the photograph. It was taken when the press ambushed the BRIGADIER in the hospital foyer and shows the intense-looking man stood behind the BRIGADIER'S shoulder.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: How did you get this?","CAPTAIN MUNRO: I made a check on all the pressmen, sir. One of the photographers took this shot when you arrived with Miss Shaw - and two of the nurses saw this man leading the raiding party.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: What about the others?","CAPTAIN MUNRO: I only got a glimpse of them, sir. There was something...something odd about their faces...","[SCENE_BREAK]","4: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. FACTORY FLOOR","(A steel frame of hideous, freshly moulded dolls heads move along the factory floor. Liquid plastic is squirted into moulds for more of the heads and factory workers pull out an assortment of limbs ready to assemble the finished toys. A suited man - RANSOME - is escorted across the factory floor by a silent young blond-haired secretary. He observes with interest as female factory workers sit as their tables and insert eyes into the heads and sew hair onto them. Eyelashes are added to each doll and so the process goes on. The man continues behind his escort as a radio blares out across the factory floor playing Fleetwood Macs \"Oh Well, Part 1\". The man then walks past a conveyor belt of finished but undressed dolls.","[SCENE_BREAK]","5: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. MACHINE ROOM","(The secretary leads him through a room filled with pipes and boilers. The secretary remains quiet and cold and she has a strange shine to her face. RANSOM looks round.)","RANSOME: There are a lot of changes. And you're new, aren't new?","(The secretary doesn't answer but turns and walks on. RANSOM pulls a rueful face and follows.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","6: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. OFFICE LANDING","(The secretary leads RANSOM up a flight of steps into a green painted corridor. At the top of the steps is a door with two red lettered signs, one of which reads \"OUT OF BOUNDS\" and the other which states \"SECURITY SECTOR\". The silent secretary walks past it but RANSOM stops.)","RANSOME: That's my workshop - or rather, it was. What the devil's been going on here?","(The shiny-faced secretary again doesn't answer but walks on towards the office area. RANSOM follows. As he goes, another figure walks quietly up the stairs and watches him go - the intense man from the hospital.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","7: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. MANAGING DIRECTOR'S OFFICE","(The MD of the factory - HIBBERT - sits at his desk. The shelves of the office contain a variety of finished box dolls as well as the usual assortment of box files and other office paraphernalia. HIBBERT is on the phone.)","HIBBERT: (Into phone.) Yes, send him in.","(He puts the phone down and an angry RANSOM walks in. HIBBERT is warm and friendly.)","HIBBERT: John, come in! We weren't expecting you.","RANSOME: Weren't you?","(He pulls a letter out of his jacket pocket and throws it on the desk.)","RANSOME: What's all this about?","HIBBERT: The letter explains everything.","RANSOME: It explains nothing! Look...","(He pulls a doll from one of the shelves.)","RANSOME: When I invented this doll, you promised me full backing. You sent me to the States to interest the Americans in joint production. You said, that if it all worked out, then you'd make me a partner.","(He pulls a sheaf of papers out of his briefcase.)","RANSOME: Well, here it all is. Agreements ready to sign, advance orders, the lot. And what do I find on the mat when I get home? A letter giving me the push! Look, we worked on this project together. Well, you helped me finish the designs. Now you've put the chop on it just like that! For heaven's sake, George, you owe me some sort of an explanation.","(An uncomfortable HIBBERT stands up and walks round the desk.)","HIBBERT: It's a...i...i...it's the new policy. We've, er, got a new policy.","RANSOME: What's happened to this place? Most of the staff gone, security notices everywhere...","HIBBERT: We're developing a new process. It's all...very secret. We've, er, changed everything.","(He looks at the office door with an element of fear on his face...)","RANSOME: I'll say you have! The whole layout of the factory floor is different. Yeah, and my workshop, what's in there now?","(HIBBERT turns and looks at RANSOME, this time with real fear on his face.)","HIBBERT: Stay away from there, John.","RANSOME: But what about my equipment?","HIBBERT: We'll...we'll send it to you.","RANSOME: Just like that?","HIBBERT: I don't think you should've come here, John. You must go away...at once. It's not safe.","RANSOME: What's the matter? You keeping saying \"we\".","(HIBBERT puts a hand to the back of his neck.)","RANSOME: \"We've got a new policy\" Well, who is \"we\"?","(The man from the hospital enters the room, staring at the back of HIBBERT'S neck. The MD himself adopts a colder, more robotic tone to his voice.)","HIBBERT: There's no point in going on with this, Mr. Ransome. Goodbye.","(Like an automaton, he goes back to his desk and sits down. The other man turns his gaze to RANSOME but he is not put off and turns back to HIBBERT.)","RANSOME: Look, if there's anything wrong, perhaps I can help you?","HIBBERT: There's nothing wrong. My letter explained everything. Goodbye.","(RANSOME picks up his papers, puts them in his briefcase and leaves, with him and the intense man giving each other one last look. After RANSOME has gone, he transfers his gaze back to HIBBERT who sits at his desk, staring into space.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","8: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. OFFICE LANDING","(RANSOME stalks down the landing. As he reaches the door to his old workshop, he looks round and then tries the handle. Further down the landing, the door to HIBBERT'S office opens and the intense man looks out. RANSOME sees that he is being watched and walks down the stairs.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","9: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY","(A laboratory has been hastily cobbled together in a large spare room in UNIT HQ; nevertheless, it is full of equipment, including a series of chemical equipment which LIZ, dressed in a white lab coat, is assembling. The BRIGADIER is also there, but somewhat unwelcome.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Am I interrupting?","LIZ: Yes.","(The BRIGADIER gives her a look.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Getting on all right?","LIZ: (Disinterested.) Fine, just fine.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Sorry about the makeshift conditions here, but we had to set this lab up for you in rather a hurry.","(LIZ is not really listening as she goes about her work.)","LIZ: Fine, just fine.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Found out what it's made of?","LIZ: No, but it isn't a meteorite.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: You've established that much?","LIZ: Meteorites are the debris from comets.","(LIZ holds up the shard of material that MUNRO and his men found.)","LIZ: This has been manufactured.","(She places it in a chemical solution.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: And it comes from space?","LIZ: Er, there are some faint traces of heat fusion. Well, it's possible.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Still sceptical?","LIZ: (Archly.) Of course. I deal with facts, not science fiction ideas.","(She walks round the lab table and stirs another solution as a slightly annoyed BRIGADIER follows.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Miss Shaw, I'm not a fool, I don't chase shadows. What you don't understand is that there might...there is a remote possibility that outside your cosy little world other things could exist.","LIZ: No need to get tetchy.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Well, sometimes you can be very aggravating.","(He moves off.)","LIZ: Me? What about you?","(She smiles as she mercilessly lampoons the BRIGADIER.)","LIZ: You really believe in a man who's helped to save the world twice? With the power to transform his physical appearance?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Defensively.) I'm not sure yet. It may not be the same man.","LIZ: An alien who travels through time and space in a police box?","[SCENE_BREAK]","10: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. MANAGING DIRECTOR'S OFFICE","(At the plastics factory, HIBBERT is starting to lose his nerve...)","HIBBERT: It's all becoming difficult!","(He looks at the intense man - CHANNING.)","CHANNING: All you have to do is to continue running the factory as though nothing had changed. That is your sole concern, Hibbert. Do you understand.","(He stares closely at HIBBERT who again assumes a controlled manner.)","HIBBERT: I understand.","CHANNING: Good. Two energy units are still missing.","HIBBERT: Do you think the stranger at the hospital has found one of them?","CHANNING: It's possible but it is dangerous to go near him again.","HIBBERT: Then what can you do?","CHANNING: The units may have embedded themselves in soft ground. That would account for the fact that their signals are no longer being received.","HIBBERT: How will you locate them then?","CHANNING: They will increase their pulsation signals.","HIBBERT: (Nervously.) You...talk about these energy units a...a...as though they were living things.","CHANNING: All energy is a form of life.","[SCENE_BREAK]","11: EXT. SEELEY'S COTTAGE","(SEELEY, the poacher, is at the back of his little thatched cottage. He pulls a large metal trunk out of a small brick out-house. He unfastens it and opens the lid. Immediately, the pulsing signal of the meteorite he found is heard. He pulls back a blanket and the pulsing red globe is revealed.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","12: EXT. OXLEY WOOD","(In the woods, a strange figure comes to life. Dressed in a blue boiler suit and scarf, its face is cold and plastic, the head is hairless and its movements are stiff and formal. It turns to face the signal from the globe and moves off.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","13: EXT. SEELEY'S COTTAGE","(SEELEY is looking at his treasured \"thunderball\" when he hears a woman's voice coming from inside the cottage...)","MEG: (OOV: Inside cottage.) Sam, are you in yet?","(SEELEY jumps in alarm, knocking down the lid of the trunk in a panic. With no time to do anything else, he hastily puts the globe in the out-house and pulls the door shut as his wife - MEG - comes out of the cottage. She is a large middle-aged woman dressed in a coat and scarf.)","MEG: What are you doing out there?","(She walks up to her husband.)","MEG: Why didn't you answer me?","SEELEY: Never heard you come in.","MEG: What you doing with that old box?","SEELEY: Nothing.","MEG: Sam Seeley, you've not been thieving again, have yer? 'Cause if you have...","SEELEY: Oh, that's nice, innit eh? Accusing your own husband!","(MEG gives a snort and opens the trunk. She sees that it is empty of all but the old blanket.)","SEELEY: Satisfied?","(MEG sniffs.)","SEELEY: Now go and get me some grub, woman. I'm hungry!","MEG: You watch your tongue! And don't think I'm gonna have that dirty old box in my house.","(SEELEY watches her walk back to the cottage and shut the door. Immediately, he opens the out-house and then pulls back the blanket in the trunk, ready to put the globe back. Behind him, MEG comes back out of the cottage. SEELEY turns and barks...)","SEELEY: What are you staring at, woman?","(She goes back in and SEELEY quickly puts the globe back in the trunk, slamming the heavy lid shut.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","14: EXT. OXLEY WOOD","(The walking figure in the woods comes to a halt, looking round for the lost signal.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","15: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY","(The TARDIS has been placed in the laboratory. The BRIGADIER stares at it as LIZ continues her own work whilst riling him.)","LIZ: Now, all you have to do is to borrow a key from the Police.","(The BRIGADIER holds up a yale key.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: I've got the key here. Henderson found it in the Doctor's hand.","(A tannoy on a nearby bench buzzes. The BRIGADIER goes over and presses the button.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into tannoy.) Yes?","UNIT SOLDIER: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Major General Scobie to see you, sir.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (To himself.) Scobie? Well, what on Earth...? (Into tannoy.) All right, show him up.","(The BRIGADIER goes over to LIZ.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: He's our liaison with the regular army. Got to keep in with him.","(The BRIGADIER walks over to the doorway.)","LIZ: You don't expect me to salute him, I hope?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: You could bring yourself to be a little less astringent, Miss Shaw.","LIZ: I didn't ask to come here, remember?","(A soldier escorts MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE, a slim gruff elderly moustached soldier, into the laboratory.)","MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: (To the soldier.) Ah, thank you, thank you.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Ah, sir.","(The soldier leaves.)","MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: Oh, sorry to interrupt, Stewart.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Worry not, sir. Always a pleasure to see you.","MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: Oh, this, er, meteorite operation - any further?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Not much, I'm afraid. We found the fragments of one though, sir. Miss Shaw is studying them.","(He gestures to LIZ and they walk over to her as the BRIGADIER introduces them.)","MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: Ah.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Oh, Miss Shaw, General Scobie.","(LIZ shakes hands warmly.)","LIZ: How do you do.","MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: Ah, how do you do. (To the BRIGADIER.) Lucky fellow, Stewart, having a pretty face, er, around the place.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: She's not just a pretty face, sir.","(LIZ is not pleased at the comment...)","MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: Oh, no, no. Newspapers seem to have gone wild over this business.","(He suddenly spots the TARDIS.)","MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: Dear chap, (Laughs.) What are you doing with a police box?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Well, sir...","LIZ: (Interrupts.) Camouflage, General. It's not really a police box. It's a spaceship.","(SCOBIE'S smile vanishes...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","16: EXT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL","(In the car park of the hospital, CORPORAL FORBES is looking over a red 1920's Vauxhall 30\/98 classic car when CAPTAIN MUNRO drives up in a jeep.)","CAPTAIN MUNRO: Where did that old crate come from?","CORPORAL FORBES: It belongs to some hospital bigwig, sir. Just arrived. Made me promise to keep an eye on it.","CAPTAIN MUNRO: Never mind that. Hop in, Corporal.","CORPORAL FORBES: Yes, sir.","CAPTAIN MUNRO: Hurry man! Section three have turned up one of these meteorites.","(FORBES runs to climb into the jeep.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","17: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. PASSAGE","(A white smocked figure peeps round the corner of the passage and seeing that the way is clear starts to make his way down it. It is the DOCTOR, still with a plaster on his forehead, who stops dead when he hears the voices of two men approaching.)","DR. HENDERSON: (OOV.) Good journey down, sir?","(The DOCTOR looks round. He is outside a door marked \"DOCTORS ONLY\".)","DR. BEAVIS: (OOV.) Terrible! You know, there's no room for a decent car on the roads these days.","(Deciding that the sign on the door applies to him, he shoots in the room.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","18: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. DOCTOR'S CHANGING ROOM","(He is in a changing room full of clothes on hangers and a locker. He looks inside but sees that it is too small to conceal him. He moves on to the next room.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","19: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. DOCTOR'S BATHROOM","(It is a bathroom. He looks round and sees an ornate Victorian shower with a pipe arrangement that almost surrounds the bather topped by a crown affair from which the water comes. The DOCTOR grins in delight.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","20: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. PASSAGE","(HENDERSON and his guest reach the door marked \"DOCTORS ONLY\". The man with HENDERSON is the consultant, DR. BEAVIS. Over his suit, he wears a red-silk lined cloak and hat.)","DR. BEAVIS: What are all those toy soldiers playing at?","DR. HENDERSON: They found the patient, sir.","(He opens the door for BEAVIS and they walk through.)","DR. BEAVIS: Shot him, eh?","DR. HENDERSON: (Uncomfortably.) Yes.","(HENDERSON shuts the door.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","21: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. DOCTOR'S BATHROOM","(The two doctors enter the bathroom.)","DR. HENDERSON: Yes, it was rather unfortunate.","(BEAVIS hands him his hat and starts to take his cloak off. From the shower comes some extemporised and off-key singing. The man in the shower, wearing a blue shower cap, glances round and hastily turns back - it is the DOCTOR.)","DR. BEAVIS: I left my car down at the main entrance. They won't go...crashing about with guns or anything like that, will they?","(As the DOCTOR continues to \"sing\" and shoot them careful glances, BEAVIS starts to wash his hands in the sink.)","DR. HENDERSON: No, sir, I'm sure it'll be all right.","(BEAVIS dries his hands. HENDERSON looks briefly over at the DOCTOR but doesn't recognise him.)","DR. HENDERSON: Perhaps you'd care to come to my office and have a look at the patient's records before you examine him.","DR. BEAVIS: Mmm, good idea. I could do with a cup of tea, too.","DR. HENDERSON: Yes.","(The two doctors glance briefly at the third in the shower, who is still making a cacophony of noise, and leave the room. Immediately they have gone, the DOCTOR switches off the shower, wraps a towel round himself and heads for the door. He grabs a white frilly shirt off a hanger on the back of the door and throws off the shower cap. He leaves the room having checked the coast is clear.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","22: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. DOCTOR'S CHANGING ROOM","(He finds a second towel and rubs himself down and then pulls some black trousers off a wooden hanger.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","23: EXT. OXLEY WOOD","(Watched by FORBES, two UNIT soldiers dig into the wet soil of the woods. After a moment, they unearth a complete flashing and signalling sphere. One of the soldiers starts to push away the clinging soil.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","24: EXT. ANOTHER PART OF OXLEY WOOD","(The boiler-suited figure in the woods comes to life again and starts to clump through the ferns and bracken, following the signal.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","25: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. DOCTOR'S BATHROOM","(Back in the bathroom, the DOCTOR has changed into a collection of clothes from the changing room. He wears the trousers, frilly shirt and elaborate silk tie. He puts on DR. BEAVIS'S red-silk lined cloak and is about to leave the room when he spots a flat cap on the back of the door. He tries this on but doesn't like the result in the mirror. He swaps it for BEAVIS'S rakish hat and, far happier with the result, heads out.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","26: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. DOCTOR'S CHANGING ROOM","(He goes through the changing room, momentarily divesting himself of the hat.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","27: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. PASSAGE","(...but stops dead in the doorway out of the changing room as he hears HENDERSON and his guest approaching.)","DR. HENDERSON: ...be an error in that report.","(The DOCTOR shoots back into the changing room and the two doctors walk past.)","DR. HENDERSON: These anomalies are completely inexplicable.","(They head up the passage to the DOCTOR'S ward.)","DR. BEAVIS: Well, let's go and see this, er, this freak. I shan't believe it until I see it with me own eyes.","(As they head round the corner, the DOCTOR comes out of hiding and watches to make sure they have gone.)","DR. HENDERSON: (OOV.) I assure you, sir, that everything I've told you...","DR. BEAVIS: (OOV: Interrupting.) All right, all right. Where is he? Where is he?","DR. HENDERSON: (OOV.) Through here.","(The DOCTOR checks in the other direction and, putting the hat back on low over his eyes, leaves. From further round the passage...)","DR. HENDERSON: (OOV.) Nurse!","(HENDERSON comes running back round, with BEAVIS close behind him.)","DR. BEAVIS: Is this some sort of prank?! Where is this patient?","DR. HENDERSON: That's what I'd like to know, sir. Nurse!","(BEAVIS, shaking his head, follows HENDERSON.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","28: EXT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL","(The DOCTOR walks out of the hospital but keeps his nerve as a nurse walks past and deliberately looks the other way. Once she has gone, the DOCTOR runs towards a set of parked cars. He tries the door of a red MG but, finding it locked, moves over to BEAVIS' red Vauxhall. He climbs in and desperately tries to find the 1920's starter switch. He thinks he finds it but it is the horn. Grimacing, he tries again. This time he manages to start to car, adjusts the gears for reverse and shoots forward! He tries again and this time is successful. Finding his way round the cars ancient controls, he drives out of the hospital grounds as fast as the ancient vehicle will take him.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","29: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY","(News of the DOCTOR'S escape has reached the BRIGADIER who is back with LIZ in the UNIT lab. SCOBIE has left.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Oh well, at least he won't get very far.","LIZ: You mean, before your men shoot him again?","(Having delivered this shot, she moves away from the BRIGADIER.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: I don't find that funny!","(He walks over to the TARDIS.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Without this machine, the Doctor's stuck. He can't leave Earth.","LIZ: You were about to open it?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Yes.","(He takes the key out of his pocket as LIZ delivers another sarcastic comment...)","LIZ: I think you should. There might be a policeman locked inside.","(He tries the lock but the key won't turn. He takes it out and looks at it.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: That's odd.","LIZ: (Smiling.) Wrong key.","[SCENE_BREAK]","30: EXT. OXLEY WOOD","(FORBES and another soldier, carrying an ammunition box, approach CAPTAIN MUNRO at the jeep. From inside the box, the sphere's signal can be heard.)","CAPTAIN MUNRO: Ah ...","(MUNRO opens the box and looks at the flashing sphere.)","CAPTAIN MUNRO: Weird looking thing.","CORPORAL FORBES: Yes, sir.","CAPTAIN MUNRO: Get it into the vehicle and back to the UNIT labs right away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","31: EXT. ROAD THROUGH OXLEY WOOD","(FORBES drives at speed along a lonely road through the wood. Suddenly, the boiler-suited figure steps out and in the path of the incoming vehicle.)","CORPORAL FORBES: Watch out!","(He slams his hand down on the horn and swerves off the road but hits a tree. The vehicle spins over. As a dog barks nearby, the plastic-faced figure calmly walks over to the jeep and looks in the driver's seat. Through the smashed and bloodied window, it sees FORBES lying inside. It then moves to the back of the jeep and takes the ammunition box away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","32: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. FACTORY CENTRE","(CHANNING stands in a most mysterious room in the restricted area of the factory. Various pieces of almost alien machinery stands in the room, one of which resembles a large tank with a window at one end. Through this can be seen an eye in a mass of red alien flesh. A buzzer sounds and CHANNING crosses the room. Arranged across the back on a small ledge are a number of the boiler-suited figures, all perfectly still. CHANNING walks up to a communications unit, part of which seems to house what looks like a round radar-like scanner. He presses a button.)","CHANNING: (Into tannoy.) Yes?","HIBBERT: (Over tannoy.) Hibbert.","(CHANNING presses a button to open the door to the room and HIBBERT nervously enters, walking down a red metal gangway and down some steps.)","HIBBERT: General Scobie will be here soon.","CHANNING: I know. I'm almost finished.","[SCENE_BREAK]","33: INT. UNIT HQ. GARAGE","(The DOCTOR and his stolen vehicle drive into the UNIT garage. The commissionaire sees the strange car and its driver approaching and puts up a hand to stop him. He goes over to the DOCTOR but before he can open his mouth, the DOCTOR says his piece first and angrily...)","DOCTOR: All right, all right, I suppose you want to see my pass? Yes, well, I haven't got one.","(The commissionaire is about to reply, but...)","DOCTOR: And I'm not going to tell you my name, either.","(Again the commissionaire tries.)","DOCTOR: Now you just tell Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart that I want to see him. (Shouts.) Well, don't just stand there arguing with me, man! Get on with it!","(The commissionaire gives up...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","34: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY","(The BRIGADIER receives the message...)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into tannoy, puzzled.) The Doctor?","UNIT SOLDIER: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Yes, sir. He says you know him.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into tannoy.) Show him up at once.","(He switches off the tannoy and turns to LIZ who is still busy at the lab bench.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: How the devil did he find this place?","LIZ: Your mystery man with the police box?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Yes.","(The DOCTOR enters the lab and the BRIGADIER goes over to him.)","DOCTOR: Ah, there you are, my dear fellow. I expect you're wondering how I found you here?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Suspiciously.) Yes...","(The DOCTOR pulls his sleeve back and reveals a watch-like device on his wrist. It gives off a signalling sound.)","DOCTOR: Fortunately I had this with me, you see. It homes on the TARDIS.","(He turns and smiles as he sees his ship.)","DOCTOR: Oh, there she is.","(He goes over and pats it on the side.)","DOCTOR: How nice of you to look after her for me. Do you happen to have got the key, by the way?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: I do, but it won't work.","DOCTOR: Hah-hah! But it will for me?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Not so fast. I have a lot of questions to ask you.","DOCTOR: My dear Brigadier, it's no earthly good asking me a lot of questions. I've lost my memory, you see?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: How do I know that you're not am imposter?","DOCTOR: Ah, but you don't, you don't. Only I know that.","(The DOCTOR walks across the lab.)","DOCTOR: What do you think of my new face, by the way? Mmm?","(He sees a mirror inside a box-stand and pulls it up.)","DOCTOR: Well, I wasn't too sure about it meself to begin with. But it sort of grows on you.","(He starts to pull faces in the mirror.)","DOCTOR: Very flexible, you know. Could be useful on the planet Delphon, where they communicate with their eyebrows.","(He furiously waggles his eyebrows in the mirror and then turns to the BRIGADIER.)","DOCTOR: Well, that's strange - how on earth did I remember that?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: All right, all right, if I accept that you are the Doctor, there are still a lot of things...oh, by the way, this is Miss Shaw.","(He gestures to LIZ and the DOCTOR waggles his eyebrows at her and then smiles.)","DOCTOR: That's Delphon for \"how do you do\"!","(LIZ laughs and the DOCTOR goes over and shakes hands.)","DOCTOR: Delighted, Miss Shaw, delighted.","LIZ: What are you a doctor of, by the way?","DOCTOR: Practically everything, my dear.","(LIZ smiles again as the DOCTOR starts to look over the lab bench.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: From what we can gather, you arrived last night in the middle of a shower of meteorites.","DOCTOR: Did I really? How terribly exciting.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Well, objects from space at any rate. You must realise that I can't let you go until I'm sure there's no connection...","DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) Look, I've no recollection of last night. That's most unfair. How could I...","(He suddenly spots the shards of the sphere that LIZ is examining.)","DOCTOR: What on earth are these?","LIZ: Those are bits of what the Brigadier thought might be a meteorite.","(The DOCTOR picks one up and starts to examine it.)","DOCTOR: Plastic?","LIZ: It's not thermo-plastic and neither is it thermo-setting...and there are no polymer chains.","DOCTOR: That's interesting. I wonder what was inside.","LIZ: Inside?","DOCTOR: Yes, well you can tell from the shape this was a hollow sphere. I should think the space inside was about three thousand cubic centimetres, wouldn't you?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Do I gather you're going to help us, Doctor?","DOCTOR: If I do, will you give me the key to the TARDIS?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Possibly.","DOCTOR: Then go away and let Miss Shaw and I get on with our work, there's a good fellow.","(LIZ tries to hide a smile. The DOCTOR turns to her.)","DOCTOR: Look, do I really have to call you Miss Shaw?","LIZ: (Laughs.) No, Liz, just Liz.","DOCTOR: Liz - that's much better.","(He turns back to the fragments.)","DOCTOR: How many of these things actually came down?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: About fifty, as near as we can estimate.","DOCTOR: And you found only fragments - no whole ones?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: One, yes. But there was an accident. It disappeared.","DOCTOR: Then the answer to your question's obvious, isn't it? By the time your search party arrived, the rest of these things had been collected. Collected and taken somewhere. The question is, where?","[SCENE_BREAK]","35: EXT. AUTO PLASTICS. BACK WALL","(RANSOME has returned to the factory but, instead of entering by the front, he is climbing over the back wall. He navigates his way over some barbed wire and drops down on the other side.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","36: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. MANAGING DIRECTOR'S OFFICE","(MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE stands in HIBBERT'S office, next to a crude plastic dummy whose facial shape closely resembles his. SCOBIE looks disappointed.)","HIBBERT: I must explain this is only a rough approximation, General.","(CHANNING is with the two men.)","MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: Yes, it does seem to need a few, er, finishing touches.","CHANNING: That is why we asked you here, General. Our measuring techniques are very accurate but the equipment isn't transportable.","MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: I see. Well, er, I hope it, er, turns out all right.","CHANNING: It will, I assure you, General. If you'll come this way.","(CHANNING heads for the door.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","37: EXT. AUTO PLASTICS. YARD","(RANSOME runs through the deserted factory yard. He tries a set of double doors but they seem to be locked. He notices a piece of wood on the ground and uses this to lever the doors open. Checking that he has not been spotted, he enters.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","38: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. MACHINE ROOM","(He goes through the pipe-filled machine room that the secretary took him through before. He checks that he is not being watched, he sees and picks up a metal crowbar and heads up a metal staircase.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","39: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. OFFICE LANDING","(It brings him to the office landing. Again he checks that he has not been seen and then tries the door to his old workshop. Finding it is locked, he starts to work on it with the crowbar.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","40: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. FACTORY CENTRE","(The factory centre is deserted. The silent still boiler-suited figures stand against the back wall. RANSOME levers the door open and enters the strange room. He silently creeps round, looking over the alien machinery. He puts the crowbar down and walks over to the set of figures on their ledge, looking at them in puzzlement. He then turns and walks over to another piece of alien machinery. Behind him, one of the figures moves and quietly steps down off the ledge. It raises its right hand and, with a buzzing sound, starts to move towards the man. RANSOME alerted, slowly turns round. His mouth drops and he looks terrified when he sees the stalking mannequin before him...)"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"07x02","Episode Title":"Spearhead from Space - part 2","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_08x23.json","Recap":["The Doctor explains to his friends that the Master is trying to gain the power of the last of the Daemons, a race who influenced Earth's development, while the Master brings the rest of the village under his control."],"Transcript":["THE D\u00c6MONS","BY: GUY LEOPOLD","6:10pm - 6:35pm","[SCENE_BREAK]","1: INT. DEVIL'S HUMP BARROW. INNER CHAMBER","(The DOCTOR pushes away soil and reveals a metallic object.)","JO: What is it?","DOCTOR: Metal.","JO: It looks like a model spaceship.","DOCTOR: That's right. Except that it isn't a model.","JO: What is it then?","DOCTOR: Jo, look at the shape of this tomb.","(He shines the torch round.)","JO: Well, it looks like that spaceship.","DOCTOR: A different size, that's all. Now you try picking it up.","(JO crouches down and tries to pick up the metal object.)","JO: I can't. It's fixed down.","DOCTOR: The reason why you can't pick it up is that is weighs...oh, about seven hundred and fifty tonnes, at a rough guess.","JO: Oh, come on, be serious!","DOCTOR: Be serious? All right. About a hundred thousand years ago...","[SCENE_BREAK]","2: EXT. DEVIL'S HUMP BARROW","(Bristling with demonic power, BOK shoots into the canvas tunnel...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","3: INT. DEVIL'S HUMP BARROW. INNER CHAMBER","(And comes roaring into the inner chamber. The DOCTOR and JO leap back as the creature rushes for them. The DOCTOR passes JO the torch.)","DOCTOR: Hold this!","(She takes it as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small trowel. He holds this up before the gargoyle and calls out...)","DOCTOR: Klokleda Partha Mennin Klatch!","(The gargoyle staggers backwards, holding its arms up to its face.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4: INT. VICARAGE HALLWAY","(The MASTER opens his eyes in puzzlement, then closes them again, muttering another incantation under his breath.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","5: INT. DEVIL'S HUMP BARROW. INNER CHAMBER","(BOK judders and staggers as the DOCTOR continues to hold up the trowel to it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","6: INT. VICARAGE HALLWAY","MASTER: What's happening, Bok? Why do you not attack?!","[SCENE_BREAK]","7: INT. DEVIL'S HUMP BARROW. INNER CHAMBER","(BOK continues to shake in confusion...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","8: INT. VICARAGE HALLWAY","MASTER: You must! You must! There's nothing to fear. It's just mumbo jumbo! I...","(He sighs in anger.)","MASTER: Oh, very well, return. Return!","(He opens his blazing eyes.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","9: INT. DEVIL'S HUMP BARROW. INNER CHAMBER","(BOK staggers backwards and, with one last growl at the DOCTOR and JO, runs out of the tomb. They hear the flapping of his wings as he flies off. The DOCTOR peers down the tunnel to make sure that the gargoyle has gone.)","DOCTOR: Phew!","JO: How did you do that?","(He holds up the trowel.)","DOCTOR: Iron. It's an old magical defence.","JO: But you don't believe in magic.","DOCTOR: I don't, but he did - luckily.","JO: And was that a...spell you said?","DOCTOR: No, it's the first line of an old Venusian lullaby, as a matter of fact. Roughly translated it goes \"Close your eyes, my darling. Well three of them, at least\"!","(JO laughs and hands him back the torch.)","JO: Doctor!","DOCTOR: I must admit, that thing took me completely by surprise.","JO: What was it?","DOCTOR: Well, it looked like a gargoyle made of stone.","JO: But it was alive.","DOCTOR: In a sense, yes.","JO: But that wasn't what Miss Hawthorne described, surely?","DOCTOR: No, the creature she saw must have been a hundred times more hideous.","JO: And never of them were the...devil?","DOCTOR: No, not your mythical devil, Jo, no. Something far more real...and far more dangerous.","[SCENE_BREAK]","10: INT. VICARAGE HALLWAY","(WINSTANLEY is at the vicarage. The MASTER, wearing his black rimmed glasses again, speaks to him in an imperious tone...)","MASTER: Now see here, Winstanley. This is an emergency! It's up to you to call a meeting of the village and start behaving like the Squire.","WINSTANLEY: (Angrily.) You may be the vicar, but I'll thank you not to take that tone with me!","MASTER: Ah, a man of spirit are you? That's exactly what's wanted at a time like this.","WINSTANLEY: I still don't understand what you're talking about.","MASTER: Decadence - that's what I'm talking about. It's what I see on every side. All this talk of \"democracy\", \"freedom\", \"liberty\".","(He takes off his glasses and stares intently at WINSTANLEY.)","MASTER: What this country needs is strength, power and decision! And those are what you can give to it.","(WINSTANLEY stares back, held by the MASTER'S gaze.)","WINSTANLEY: Yes...yes, you're right of course.","MASTER: I am the Master. I control a power which can save this world. If you choose, you can share my triumph.","WINSTANLEY: Power? What power?","MASTER: I control the forces that have been released in Devil's End over the last few hours.","(WINSTANLEY'S trance drops...)","WINSTANLEY: All that fuss up on the dig? Are you trying to tell me it was you?","MASTER: Exactly.","WINSTANLEY: Well, that's ridiculous!","MASTER: You need proof, do you? Very well, you shall have it!","(The MASTER steps to one side and starts muttering an incantation under his breath. A demonic bubbling sound fills the air and the doors to the outside burst open allowing a howling wind to fill the hallway. It blows a vase and papers off the table, a light fitting from the ceiling and a picture off the wall. WINSTANLEY starts to panic and shouts to the still MASTER.)","WINSTANLEY: Stop it! Stop it!","(A plant stand is blown off the staircase landing. The MASTER slowly opens his eyes and the wind dies down. He glances over his shoulder to the shaken Squire.)","MASTER: Well?","WINSTANLEY: I'll do anything you say.","(The MASTER smiles.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","11: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". MAIN BAR","(MISS HAWTHORNE walks into the pub carrying a pile of large books. YATES is with her carrying a small slide projector.)","MISS HAWTHORNE: There you are, Doctor.","DOCTOR: Oh, thank you, Miss Hawthorne. Let me help you.","(He takes the books off her and takes them over to a table. JO and BENTON - recovered but covered in cuts and bruises - follow and watch.)","MISS HAWTHORNE: Oh, thank you. The pick of the finest collection of occult material in the country, though why you wanted me to bring it, I don't know.","DOCTOR: You've all been asking me for explanations, perhaps these will help me to provide them.","MISS HAWTHORNE: Well, there is only one possible explanation - this is the supernatural at work.","DOCTOR: Nonsense!","SERGEANT BENTON: Yes, well, what about the thing that got me? That was real enough.","DOCTOR: Nothing more real than a force field, sergeant. Even a psionic one.","(The DOCTOR holds up slides to the light to look through them.)","MISS HAWTHORNE: Oh, you're being deliberately obtuse! We're dealing with the supernatural - the occult, magic!","DOCTOR: Science!","MISS HAWTHORNE: (Shouts.) Magic!","DOCTOR: Science, Miss Hawthorne!","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Look, whatever it is, how do we stop it?","JO: Well, how can we stop it without knowing what it is?","DOCTOR: Well done, Jo. You're being logical at last. I'll turn you into a scientist yet! Right, if there are no more interruptions, I'll tell you what it is.","(But he is stopped by a bleeping from YATES' radio. He reaches into his pocket for it and smiles at the DOCTOR.)","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Sorry! (Into radio.) Greyhound two, come in please, over.","[SCENE_BREAK]","12: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ","(The BRIGADIER sits in the mobile UNIT HQ at a radio set. SGT. OSGOOD sits at another set on the other side of the room.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Greyhound two to trap two, is that you, Yates? Now, what's going on there?","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (OOV: Over radio.) Quite a bit, but I don't think you'd believe me, even if I told you.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Well, the thing is we can't get past this wretched heat barrier. It incinerates anything that tries, over.","[SCENE_BREAK]","13: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". MAIN BAR","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Into radio.) Can't you go round it, Brigadier? Over.","[SCENE_BREAK]","14: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio, sarcastically.) The thought had occurred to me, Captain. I sent out patrols but as far as I can see...","(SGT. OSGOOD brings over a piece of paper which the BRIGADIER reads.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Well, that settles it. The perimeter of this thing is an unbroken circle ten miles...","[SCENE_BREAK]","15: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". MAIN BAR","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) ...in diameter. Its centre being the village church, over.","DOCTOR: (To CAPTAIN YATES.) Give me that.","(He takes the radio off YATES.)","DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Hello, Lethbridge Stewart? The Doctor here. What about going over the top of it?","[SCENE_BREAK]","16: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ","(The BRIGADIER hears the noise of a jet overhead.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) The RAF are just coming through now. Hang on a minute.","(He runs to the door and looks outside.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","17: EXT. DEVIL'S END ENVIRONS","(A sleek jet flies over.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","18: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ","(The BRIGADIER runs back in where SGT. OSGOOD is picking up the radio message from the RAF Pilot. It is relayed through the room.)","RAF PILOT: (OOV: Over radio.) Red-zero-four to greyhound two - no soap, repeat, no soap. Last test canister exploded at altitude four-five-zero-zero feet. Estimate dome shaped area above village approximately one mile high at apogee, over.","SGT. OSGOOD: (Into radio.) Thank you, zero-four. Received and understood.","RAF PILOT: (OOV: Over radio.) Over and out.","(The BRIGADIER goes back to his radio set.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Do you hear that, Doctor? We're locked out, over.","[SCENE_BREAK]","19: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". MAIN BAR","DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Or we're locked in. All right, Brigadier, we'll keep in touch.","(He switches off the radio.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","20: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Doctor? Doctor? Yates?!","(The BRIGADIER sits down and pushes his cap back.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Typical!","[SCENE_BREAK]","21: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". MAIN BAR","(The DOCTOR has drawn on a piece of paper a diagram which shows the village church at its centre towered over by a huge dome - the heat barrier.)","DOCTOR: Right, that's it. Now, as you can see, we're smack in the middle of a sort of lethal mushroom, about ten miles across and a mile high. Now...","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: I can understand that part of it all right, but can't you explain the wider issues, Doctor?","DOCTOR: Yes, all right. Jo, Captain Yates, would you mind drawing the curtains?","(JO and MIKE go to either end of the room and pull the curtains, putting the room into semi-darkness. SERGEANT BENTON pulls out a chair for MISS HAWTHORNE to sit on, next to the slide projector, behind which the DOCTOR sits.)","DOCTOR: Come on, Jo, stir your stumps!","(JO returns.)","DOCTOR: Now then, all right?","(JO nods and the DOCTOR turns on the projector. Displayed on a portable screen is a slide of a ancient artifact showing a bull-like creature.)","DOCTOR: Now then, tell me - who's that?","JO: An Egyptian god, isn't it?","DOCTOR: Top of the class, Jo, top of the class. That's right, that's the Egyptian god Khnum - with horns.","(He changes the slide. This shows a far bigger creature.)","DOCTOR: Now, there's another one. A Hindu demon...","JO & YATES & BENTON & MISS HAWTHORNE: (Interrupting together.) With horns!","DOCTOR: (Taken back.) Oh...thank you very much!","(He changes the slide again to show a early representation of the devil.)","DOCTOR: And our old friend...the horned beast.","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: I don't get it...","DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) Probably because I haven't finished, Captain Yates!","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Oh sorry, Doctor.","MISS HAWTHORNE: Oh, you could go on all day and all night showing us pretty pictures. I mean, horns have been a symbol of power ever since...","DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) Ever since man began?","(The DOCTOR has changed the slide again. This time it shows three almost identical creatures - all with horns.)","DOCTOR: Exactly, but why? All right, Captain Yates, the curtains.","(MIKE opens the curtains behind the DOCTOR. He walks round to the other side of the projector to address the group.)","DOCTOR: Now creatures like those have been seen over and over again throughout the history of man. And man has turned them into myths, gods or devils, but they're neither. They are, in fact, creatures from another world.","SERGEANT BENTON: Do you mean like the Axons and the Cybermen?","DOCTOR: Precisely, only far, far older and immeasurably more dangerous.","JO: And they came here in spaceships like that tiny one up at the barrow?","DOCTOR: That's right. They're D\u00e6mons from the planet D\u00e6mos... (To JO.) ...which is?","(She tells MIKE and BENTON what the DOCTOR had told her up at the barrow...)","JO: Sixty thousand light years away on the other side of the galaxy.","DOCTOR: And they first came to Earth nearly one hundred thousand years ago.","[SCENE_BREAK]","22: INT. VICARAGE HALLWAY","(A group of villagers have gathered in the vicarage hallway, including WINSTANLEY and TOM GIRTON. As they chatter, the MASTER pulls the Squire to one side and they walk up the stairs to the first landing from where they can address the group.)","MASTER: Now, you'd better explain to them all why you've brought them together, then leave the rest to me.","WINSTANLEY: Yes.","(WINSTANLEY claps his hands for silence.)","WINSTANLEY: Meeting to order, please.","(The group falls silent.)","WINSTANLEY: Thank you, thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Well now, it seemed to me that we ought to get together and discuss the situation, before it gets out of hand.","(The group mutters its agreement.)","WINSTANLEY: Now it seems...that the vicar here has had a few thoughts on the subject. So I've asked him to put in a word. Er, Mr. Magister.","MASTER: Thank you.","(The MASTER steps forward and looks down on the group.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","23: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". MAIN BAR","(The DOCTOR'S explanation continues...)","JO: A spaceship, fifteen inches long?","DOCTOR: That's right. Mind you, when it landed it was two hundred feet long and thirty feet across. But they diminished it, just as they diminished themselves, which accounts for the heatwave and the freeze-up.","JO: (Puzzled.) Mmm? Sorry, could you say that again? I didn't quite follow you.","DOCTOR: Oh, come on, Jo. E=MC2!","JO: You're the Doctor!","DOCTOR: (Exasperated.) Look, when you lose mass the energy has to go somewhere.","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: I see, so all we've got to deal with is something which is either too small to see or thirty feet tall, can incinerate you or freeze you to death, turns stone images into homicidal monsters and looks like the very devil!","DOCTOR: Exactly.","SERGEANT BENTON: Well, I still don't get it. I mean, what's the creature doing here? I mean, why did they ever come?","DOCTOR: To help Homo-sapiens kick out Neanderthal man. They've been coming and going ever since. Mmm, the Greek civilisation, the renaissance, the industrial revolution - they were all inspired by the D\u00e6mons.","MISS HAWTHORNE: But this thing the Professor let loose is evil - you said so yourself and...now you're trying to say they've been helping mankind for a hundred thousand years?","JO: Yes, and you say they come from another planet - then what's all this jazz about witchcraft and covens and so on?","DOCTOR: Look, don't you see? All the magical traditions are just remnants of their advanced science and that is what the Master is using.","MISS HAWTHORNE: Then these creatures are linked with the black arts. They are evil!","DOCTOR: Amoral perhaps. They help Earth but on their own terms. It's a scientific experiment to them - just another laboratory rat.","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Then what's the Master up to?","DOCTOR: He's established a link with the D\u00e6mon. (Worried.) What worries me is the choice - domination by the Master or total annihilation.","JO: Well, this D\u00e6mon could destroy the world?","DOCTOR: Oh, what does any scientist do with an experiment that fails? He chucks it in the rubbish bin.","JO: The end of the world!","[SCENE_BREAK]","24: INT. VICARAGE HALLWAY","(The MASTER'S address begins...)","MASTER: Now, a...as I told you, this is not going to be a sermon!","(There is a small amount of laughter.)","MASTER: But all the same, I do beg of you to listen carefully. Because this could be the most important day in your lives.","(Several of the villagers look at each other.)","MASTER: Now as you know, I am a newcomer among you, and yet...already I feel that I know you all. For instance, you, Mr. Thorpe...","(They all look at the indicated man who smiles.)","MASTER: Are you still padding the grocery bills of the local gentry?","(The group start to mutter as the smile disappears from a shaken THORPE'S face.)","THORPE: What...what are you on about - that's slander.","MASTER: Now, now don't deny it - I know.","(He looks at another villager.)","MASTER: And you Charlie - how's your conscience? Do you think you'll manage to balance the post office books in time?","(Charlie starts to look sheepish and shuffle on his feet as the villagers mutter again. The MASTER then addresses a man stood near to him.)","MASTER: And you, Mr. Grenville - has your wife come back from her sisters yet? Will she ever come back, do you suppose?","(Mr. Grenville looks round the group in shock. Some of them grin back at him but an angry muttering is breaking out.)","MASTER: Now, now look please. Please do not be angry with me. I assure you that I'm on your side. Now listen, if you do what I say, you can all of you get whatever you want in this world, when you want it, if...you listen to me!","[SCENE_BREAK]","25: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". MAIN BAR","(The DOCTOR has donned his cloak.)","DOCTOR: Now the D\u00e6mon will appear three times and the third time he'll probably tell us what our fate is to be. Now he'll be in the cavern somewhere awaiting the Master's second call.","SERGEANT BENTON: Then if we know where he is, why don't we go and find him?","DOCTOR: You'd be wasting your time, Sergeant. At the moment he's so small he's...practically invisible.","JO: Well, Doctor...","DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) Jo, would you give me a piece of paper and a pencil, please?","(The DOCTOR goes to a table and sits as JO brings him the requested items. BERT appears and leans over a nearby settle, every inch the convivial landlord.)","BERT THE LANDLORD: I wondered if you'd all care for a bite to eat?","SERGEANT BENTON: Yes, please.","JO: No, thanks. Not just now. The Doctor's a bit busy.","BERT THE LANDLORD: Ah. Well, er, is it all right if I get on with a bit of clearing up?","JO: Yes, fine, if you could do it quietly though.","BERT THE LANDLORD: You won't know I'm here.","JO: Thank you.","(BERT starts at his task as CAPTAIN YATES' radio bleeps. He answers it.)","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Into radio.) Greyhound two? Come in please, over.","[SCENE_BREAK]","26: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Is that you, Yates? Now look, we're going to blast our way in. I'm calling up the artillery and RAF strike command. You lot had better evacuate to the cellar...","[SCENE_BREAK]","27: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". MAIN BAR","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) ...over.","DOCTOR: What? (To CAPTAIN YATES.) Give me that.","(The DOCTOR takes the radio as nearby BERT listens carefully.)","DOCTOR: (Into radio.) You'll do no such thing, Lethbridge Stewart! Of all the idiotic suggestions! In the first place, the energy released would only strengthen the barrier, in the second place it would provoke the most appalling reprisals and in the third place I've got a better idea! Over.","[SCENE_BREAK]","28: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio, angrily.) Well, what? I'm not going to sit here like a spare...","(He stops and collects himself.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Like a spare lemon waiting for the squeezer! Do you hear me, over.","[SCENE_BREAK]","29: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". MAIN BAR","DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Have you got the mobile HQ there?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) Yes, of course.","DOCTOR: (Into radio.) With the new Mark 4A condenser unit?","[SCENE_BREAK]","30: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ","(The BRIGADIER looks over to SGT. OSGOOD who nods.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Apparently.","(OSGOOD walks over and stands next to the BRIGADIER.)","DOCTOR: (OOV: Over radio.) Good, then I've got your problem solved and mine. We're going to build a diothermic energy exchanger. Is your technical fellow there?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) He's listening.","[SCENE_BREAK]","31: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". MAIN BAR","DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Right, well tell him to build an EHF wide-band width variable phase oscillator, with a negative feedback circuit tunable to the frequency of an air molecule at, erm, what is the temperature up at the barrier, Brigadier?","[SCENE_BREAK]","32: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ","(OSGOOD shrugs and walks away.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) We've no idea what you're talking about, Doctor, over.","[SCENE_BREAK]","33: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". MAIN BAR","DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Well, it's a simple enough question, over.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) No, what you said earlier - the oscillating feedback bit.","DOCTOR: (Into radio.) All right, I'll come out and explain it to you myself.","(Wiping a nearby table, BERT hears this and moves through the bar and into the back room as the DOCTOR continues.)","DOCTOR: Yates and Benton can stay here and keep an eye open. Only don't touch anything until I get there - understood?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) All right, Doctor, we'll try it your way, but get a move on, will you?","DOCTOR: (Into radio.) I'll be with you in ten minutes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","34: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Make it five, over and out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","35: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". MAIN BAR","(The DOCTOR pushes the aerial of the radio back in, gets up and passes the device back to MIKE.)","JO: Of all the idiotic plans. As if blowing things up solves anything!","DOCTOR: Jo, the Brigadier is doing his best to cope with an almost impossible situation. And since he is your superior officer, you might at least show him a little respect.","(JO'S mouth opens at this put down.)","DOCTOR: Coming?","(She follows the DOCTOR out of the pub. BENTON smiles as he watches her go but quickly adopts a more somber tone as MIKE turns and looks at him.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","36: INT. VICARAGE HALLWAY","(The MASTER'S appeal to the villagers continues...)","MASTER: I ask you what you want in life and I offer it to you. I tell you that everything is possible if you do as I say - everything!","(BERT enters the vicarage.)","BERT THE LANDLORD: Mr. Magister!","MASTER: (Angrily.) Why do you interrupt me?","BERT THE LANDLORD: The Doctor, he's trying...","(The MASTER puts a finger to his lips...)","MASTER: Shh!","(...and walks down from the landing to where BERT whispers in his ear. As the villagers mutter, the MASTER gives him whispered instructions back. BERT nods and leaves. The MASTER snaps his fingers and signals to TOM GIRTON to come over. He does so.)","MASTER: Girton...","(GIRTON hears more whispered instructions. He nods his head and leaves the vicarage. The MASTER goes back up the landing next to a frowning WINSTANLEY and recommences his speech to the crowd but the atmosphere towards him has markedly changed and the people now view him with suspicion.)","MASTER: Now please, as I was telling you - the whole world can be ours! I only need two things - your submission and your obedience to my will!","WINSTANLEY: What's all this about obedience and submission? You said that we were going to rule.","MASTER: (Caustically.) You rule?! Huh! Why you're all less than dust beneath my feet!","(An angry hubbub breaks out from the crowd...)","WINSTANLEY: Preposterous!","MASTER: You choose to question me, do you? Very well, I'll give you another choice - obey me or I shall destroy you!","(The crowds mutterings grow angrier...)","WINSTANLEY: (To the MASTER.) Well, if that's your brave new world, you can keep it! (To the villagers.) I'm getting out of here and if the rest of you have got any sense, you'll come with me.","(He walks down the stairs and joins the rest of the villagers.)","THORPE: I reckon the Squire's right. Come on, let's get out of here!","(Back on the landing, the MASTER closes his eyes and starts to mutter an incantation. Suddenly, BOK jumps in from an open window and looks to the MASTER for instructions. The villagers, particularly WINSTANLEY, cower back in fear. The MASTER points at WINSTANLEY who is holding up his hands in a pathetic attempt at protection. BOK turns and points a hand at the Squire. A bolt of fire shoots from the hand and the Squire is atomised in a puff of smoke. The villagers cry out in alarm.)","MASTER: Right, does anybody else agree with the Squire?","(No one does...)","MASTER: Thank you. It does my heart good to know I have such a willing band of followers!","(THORPE and his neighbours look at the MASTER in fear.)","MASTER: Now, today is May Day. Go and enjoy yourselves. Celebrate the festival with your families. When I need you all, I shall summon you again.","(The villagers leave the vicarage and the MASTER turns to a waiting and twitching BOK.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","37: EXT. VILLAGE GREEN","(TOM GIRTON runs towards the UNIT helicopter and climbs inside.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","38: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". MAIN BAR","(CAPTAIN YATES sees this from the pub and dashes outside.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","39: EXT. VILLAGE GREEN","(The blades of the helicopter start to rotate. GIRTON has a flying helmet in his hands which, when MIKE pulls the helicopter door open, he uses as a weapon to throw at YATES, knocking him to the ground. GIRTON jumps out of the helicopter and picks the soldier up, only to throw him back down and try to return to the machine. MIKE runs after him and grabs him round the neck but GIRTON easily throws him off and turns to face him. MIKE jumps up and punches GIRTON straight in the face but, to YATES' amazement, the villager hardly seems hurt by the blow. MIKE punches again but GIRTON grabs his arm and knocks him to the ground. He runs back to the helicopter and it takes off as MIKE shakes his head and, still somewhat dazed, watches it fly off into the sky above the village. MIKE spots his pistol which fell out of his jacket in the fight, picks it up and fires at the helicopter but he has no effect. He looks round and spots and motorcycle parked nearby. He jumps on it, starts it up and drives off out of the village.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","40: EXT. COUNTRY ROAD","(Bessie proceeds along a country road when JO spots the helicopter approaching.)","JO: Look!","(The DOCTOR stops the car as the helicopter comes in low and skims over the top of them. They duck and look over their shoulders.)","DOCTOR: What's happening? I told Yates and Benton to stay in the pub!","(The helicopter turns and makes another low pass.)","DOCTOR: Who's flying that thing?! That's not Benton!","(JO looks behind them.)","JO: Well it's certainly not Mike - look!","(She points at the figure of CAPTAIN YATES who is catching them up on the motorcycle in the distance. JO then sees the helicopter coming back in.)","JO: Well, however it is, he's trying to kill us.","(The DOCTOR re-starts Bessie.)","DOCTOR: Hang on, Jo, we're in for a bumpy ride!","(They move off at speed down the road, the helicopter buzzing them as they proceed. MIKE catches them up and rides abreast.)","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Shouts.) He's handling it like an expert!","DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Like a man possessed, you mean!","(The helicopter turns again.)","DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Look out, he's coming back!","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Shouts.) I'll try and drive off!","DOCTOR: (Shouts.) No, you keep away. It's me he's after, not you!","(YATES gives the DOCTOR a thumbs-up sign and pulls away. GIRTON smiles and comes in low again over BESSIE. Over at the nearby heat barrier, the BRIGADIER, surrounded by UNIT troops, lowers his binoculars in puzzlement.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What's Captain Yates up to? He'll kill the lot of them!","SGT. OSGOOD: No sir, that's Captain Yates over there.","(OSGOOD nods over to where YATES is firing up at the helicopter from his moving motorcycle. The helicopter comes in low again over Bessie.)","JO: What's he trying to do?!","DOCTOR: He's trying to drive us into the heat barrier!","(YATES fires again at the turning helicopter which makes another low pass at the DOCTOR and JO. Watching this ahead, the BRIGADIER realises what is happening...)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: He's heading straight for the heat barrier!","(He lowers his binoculars and starts to wildly wave his arms.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) Get back! Back!","(The DOCTOR sees the burnt strip of earth getting nearer and nearer as the two vehicle approach.)","JO: It's the heat barrier - we're heading straight for it!","(At the barrier, OSGOOD has joined his superior officer in waving his arms in alarm.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) Back!","(The helicopter comes in low again...)","DOCTOR: Hang tight, Jo! Hang on tight - now!","(Mere feet from the barrier, he swerves to the right but JO falls out of the car as he does so. GIRTON cannot turn in time and flies straight into the barrier. The UNIT helicopter explodes in a huge fireball. The DOCTOR sees this and then looks down to where JO stops rolling across the ground and lies still.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","41: EXT. VILLAGE CHURCHYARD","(In the village churchyard, the MASTER a plume of black smoke on the horizon. He smiles, pats a gravestone in satisfaction and enters the church.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","42: EXT. COUNTRY ROAD","(The DOCTOR jumps out of Bessie and runs over to JO where he examines her. YATES brings the motorcycle to a stop and joins the DOCTOR.)","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: How is she?","DOCTOR: She's had a nasty knock on the head. She'll be all right. You'd better load her into Bessie and take her down to the pub. ...","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Okay, what about you?","DOCTOR: Well, I'd better go and have a word with the Brigadier. He's probably bursting a blood vessel by now.","(YATES grins and starts to pick up JO. The DOCTOR gets onto the motorcycle and starts it up, setting off for the UNIT convoy as YATES puts JO into Bessie.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","43: INT. CHURCH. CAVERN","(The MASTER, with BOK scampering excitedly ahead of him, enters the cavern. He is again wearing his red satanic robes. The MASTER points to his plinth and the gargoyle runs over to it. The MASTER then approaches the altar. He bows his head.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","44: EXT. COUNTRY ROAD","(At the heat barrier, the DOCTOR stops the motorcycle and gets off, approaching the strip of burnt earth. On the other side of it, a non-too pleased BRIGADIER is waiting.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Twenty thousand pounds of UNIT money gone up in a puff of smoke!","DOCTOR: You've got the mind of an accountant, Lethbridge Stewart! So, this is your heat barrier is it?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, and I advise you to keep your distance.","DOCTOR: Yes?","(The DOCTOR picks up a rock and throws it into the air in front of him. A small explosion destroys it. Despite himself, the DOCTOR is impressed.)","DOCTOR: Mmm, even rock.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Wood, rock, four-inch armour plate - you name it, we've tried it. It's impenetrable.","DOCTOR: A hasty and inaccurate assessment, Brigadier. Tell me, have you got enough cable to reach those high tension pylons over there.","(He points towards some electric pylons which run across a nearby field.)","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, we should have, why?","DOCTOR: We'll need at least ten-thousand volts to get through this lot.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: All right, I'll lay things on.","DOCTOR: Good, only please hurry - we may have very little time left.","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Sergeant Osgood?","SGT. OSGOOD: Sir?","BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You'd better come and listen to the Doctor. You've got to build the wretched thing.","(OSGOOD runs up.)","SGT. OSGOOD: (To the DOCTOR.) What's the principal, sir?","DOCTOR: Negative diothermic, sergeant. Buffer the molecular movement of the air with a reverse phase short-waves. It's quite simple.","SGT. OSGOOD: Simple? It's impossible!","DOCTOR: Yes, well, according to classical aerodynamics, it's impossible for a bumblebee to fly!","[SCENE_BREAK]","45: INT. CHURCH. CAVERN","(The MASTER lights some black candles on the altar and starts to mutter an incantation under his breath...)","MASTER: By the power of earth, by the power of air, by the power of fire eternal and the waters of the deep, I conjure thee and charge thee Azal - arise, arise at my command, Azal, arise, arise.","[SCENE_BREAK]","46: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". GUEST ROOM","(JO lies in the bed in the guest room, recently vacated by the DOCTOR. CAPTAIN YATES and DR. REEVES attend her. JO is delirious, her head thrashing from side to side, her eyes closed and calling out...)","JO: The cavern - he said the danger was in the cavern!","DR. REEVES: Just lie still, my dear, try and relax.","JO: But the...","DR. REEVES: This won't hurt.","(He swabs her arm.)","JO: But the Doctor - I must help him find the Master!","CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Take it easy, Jo. As soon as he gets back, we'll all go and sort the Master out. Now don't worry.","(DR. REEVES gives JO an injection.)","JO: But we must go now...there's no...time...","(She falls silent as the injection takes effect.)","DR. REEVES: That's better. A few hours sleep and she'll be as right as rain.","[SCENE_BREAK]","47: INT. CHURCH. CAVERN","MASTER: Eo evoheh! Eo evoheh Azal! I will speak with you! Show yourself!","(A rumbling breaks out and a cold mist starts to fill the cavern. BOK looks round as a film of ice appears on the MASTER'S face. He turns and stares as something starts to rise from the painted stone and grows in height over him. A look of alarm appears on his face as the earth starts to shake and he falls to the ground.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","48: EXT. COUNTRY ROAD","(The tremors reach the heat barrier, throwing the DOCTOR and the men from UNIT around.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","49: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". GUEST ROOM","(They are enough to wake JO from her drug-induced sleep...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","50: INT. \"THE CLOVEN HOOF\". MAIN BAR","(...while downstairs, YATES, BENTON and MISS HAWTHORNE try to hold onto the bar and avoid flying glass and other objects.)","MISS HAWTHORNE: The d\u00e6mon! If he comes out, we shall all die!","[SCENE_BREAK]","51: INT. CHURCH. CAVERN","(The manifestation approaches the MASTER who slides back across the floor in panic...)","MASTER: (Shouts.) No, no stop! Go back to the mark! Go back! You will destroy me! No! No!"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"08x23","Episode Title":"The D\u00e6mons - part 3","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_12x13.json","Recap":["The Doctor and Harry head to the Kaled city to alert the authorities to Davros' plans while Sarah and Sevrin are forced to work on the completion of the Thals' rocket."],"Transcript":["Genesis of the Daleks","by: Terry Nation Part Three","Running time: 22:38","[SCENE_BREAK]","SEVRIN: Are you all right?","SARAH: I think so.","SEVRIN: We must go on, Sarah. It's our only chance.","SEVRIN: That section of the roof slides out. We can get to it from the top of the rocket.","SARAH: We've got to get across first.","SEVRIN: We'll have to jump. Now I'll go first, you follow and I'll catch you.","SEVRIN: Come on, Sarah. Come on! You've got to do it, do you hear me? Jump!","SEVRIN: We're nearly there. Just a bit more and we're out on the surface of the dome and safe.","SARAH: Yes.","SOLDIER: That's far enough. Right, come on back down here.","SOLDIER: Now you. Come on, move! I'll get her.","SOLDIER: Give me your hand. Come on.","SOLDIER: If I should just slacken my grip. They say that people who fall from great heights are dead before they hit the ground. I don't believe that, do you?","SOLDIER: You're going back to work. In a day or so, you'll wish I had let you drop. Right, get over.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: It's lighter this way.","HARRY: Looks as though we've made it.","DOCTOR: Look.","HARRY: It must be the way through to the wastelands.","HARRY: Doctor, quick! My leg! Quick! Pull it out, Doctor.","HARRY: Quick, it's pulling me in!","DOCTOR: Easy, easy.","HARRY: Get that thing off.","DOCTOR: One of Davros' experiments?","HARRY: Magna poluris. (I think)","DOCTOR: What?","HARRY: Latin.","DOCTOR: Never mind the Latin, let's have a look at your foot. Nothing seems to be broken. It's incredible. You have some bruises though, Harry.","HARRY: Why is it always me who puts a foot in it?","DOCTOR: You'll be all right. Can you stand up?","HARRY: I think so.","DOCTOR: Let's get out of here.","HARRY: We must look out for Sarah. She's out there somewhere.","DOCTOR: We'll find her. We've got to contact the Kaled leaders first.","HARRY: Try again, they're pretty corroded.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DALEK: We await your commands.","DAVROS: Excellent, excellent.","KAVELL: Perfect, Davros, perfect. A brilliant creation.","DAVROS: A brilliant creation, yes, but perfect, no. Not yet. I want improvements made to the optical systems and the sensory circuits. Their instincts must be as accurate as a scientific instrument. You will begin at once. Dismantle the viewer circuit.","KAVELL: Does Davros know the prisoners have escaped?","RONSON: I don't know what you mean. The prisoners are in their cell.","KAVELL: Don't worry, I won't betray you. You're not the only one concerned about the morality of the work we are doing here. Now answer me. Does Davros know they've gone?","RONSON: The prisoners are in the detention room for further interrogation.","KAVELL: Well, I have news for you. They've reached the city and made contact with the leaders whose names you gave them.","RONSON: How do you know?","KAVELL: There is some advantage in being in charge of the communication system. All we can hope for now is that they convince the leaders that Davros' work here must be ended.","RONSON: They must. They must!","[SCENE_BREAK]","MOGRAN: My fellow councillors, I've asked you two assemble here and not in our House of Congress as our meeting is of a most secret nature. There are no listening devices here, are there, Ravon?","RAVON: Not that I know of, Mogran.","MOGRAN: Doctor, will you please tell the councillors what you have told me?","DOCTOR: Yes, of course, and some of what I will tell you relates to events in the future. Not only on this planet but also on others whose existence you don't even know of. But my knowledge is scientific fact. Now, Davros has created a machine creature, a monster which will terrorise and destroy millions and millions of lives and lands throughout all eternity. He has given this machine a name, a Dalek. It is a word new to you, but for a thousand generations it is a name that will bring fear and terror. Now undoubtedly Davros has one of the finest scientific minds in existence, but he has a fanatical desire to perpetuate himself in his machine. He works without conscience, without soul, without pity, and his machines are equally devoid of these qualities.","[SCENE_BREAK]","GUARD: What's the matter with her?","SEVRIN: She's tired. She needs rest.","GUARD: This is the last consignment. When that's packed aboard she'll get all the rest she needs. Now pick up your loads!","[SCENE_BREAK]","NYDER: I've just had word from one of our supporters in the Dome. Councillor Mogran has called a secret meeting. The only councillors invited are known opponents of the work we are doing here in the bunker.","DAVROS: I want a full report on everything that was discussed. I don't care how you get the information, get it. However, I think we need not be too concerned. Many times in the last fifty years, factions of the government have tried to interfere with my research here. They have failed. They will fail again.","NYDER: There's something else. The two prisoners in Ronson's charge, they've been seen at the dome. They are at the meeting.","DAVROS: Impossible! There is no escape from here.","NYDER: I've checked their cells. They are missing.","DAVROS: Find out how they escaped and report to me immediately.","NYDER: What action shall I take concerning Ronson?","DAVROS: For the moment, none. I will deal with him in my own way.","[SCENE_BREAK]","RAVON: That was a very impressive speech, Doctor.","DOCTOR: Yes, it was meant to be.","HARRY: Let's hope it's convinced them.","DOCTOR: Yes, let's hope so, Harry. Sometimes words aren't enough.","HARRY: Well, they seem to have reached a decision.","MOGRAN: I'm afraid, Doctor, the councillors could not agree to halt all experimentation at the bunker.","HARRY: The councillors are fools.","MOGRAN: Let me finish, please. It has been agreed that an independent tribunal will investigate all work that is being done at the bunker.","DOCTOR: But that could take months! Davros already has several prototype Daleks ready for action.","MOGRAN: It has also been agreed that pending the investigation, Davros' experiments will be suspended.","DOCTOR: It is less than I'd hoped for.","MOGRAN: And I promise you, Doctor, if your allegations are borne out, all work at the bunker will be closed down.","DOCTOR: Thank you.","MOGRAN: And now I must go with my committee and inform Davros of our decision.","HARRY: Now I think it's high time we looked for Sarah, don't you?","RAVON: The one you left behind in the wastelands?","HARRY: Yes. You have some news of her?","RAVON: I can't be certain, you understand, but our agents inside the Thal dome report a newly arrived girl prisoner who led an attempted breakout. Gave the Thals quite a bit of trouble.","HARRY: That'll be her.","DOCTOR: In the Thal dome, you say?","RAVON: The Thals are using prisoners to load their last great rocket.","HARRY: Rocket?","RAVON: They think they'll win the war with it. What they don't know is that no matter how powerful their rocket, it cannot penetrate our protective dome. Only a matter of months ago, Davros perfected a new substance which has the strength of thirty foot thick reinforced concrete.","DOCTOR: Yes, yes, well never mind about that. Could you help us to find Sarah?","RAVON: One of my agents could lead you into the service shafts underneath the Thal city.","DOCTOR: Oh, good, good.","RAVON: But after that you're strictly on your own.","HARRY: Fair enough.","RAVON: Right, I'll give you a map showing how to reach the rocket silo area.","DOCTOR: Thank you.","HARRY: Well, Doctor, looks as though we've got to cross the wastelands again.","DOCTOR: Yes, and that's when our troubles really begin.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DAVROS: An investigation? But of course, Mogran. I welcome any inquiry into our work here. I think the idea is an excellent one. The Kaled people sacrifice much so that we should have the materials we need. They have the right to know how our work is progressing. And when they learn of our achievements, their patriotism will be refired. It is vital that our soldiers know that they and we of the Elite are as one, working together to bring the final victory.","MOGRAN: I'm grateful that you've accepted this decision so, so patriotically. There's one thing more. Until the inquiry, all work is to be suspended.","DAVROS: If that is your wish, then naturally I will obey. It will take some time to close down certain pieces of equipment. Shall we say, er, twenty four hours?","MOGRAN: Twelve.","DAVROS: It will be difficult, but it will be done.","MOGRAN: The members of the tribunal will arrive in that time. Thank you, Davros, for your cooperation.","DAVROS: It is simply my duty. The inquiry will reveal nothing, except our loyalty and total dedication to the cause of the Kaled people.","NYDER: We cannot allow this investigation. They cannot fail to see the dangers to themselves in the Dalek project.","DAVROS: Calm yourself, Nyder. There will be no investigation.","NYDER: But you can't stop it now.","DAVROS: I can and will! The council has signed the death warrant of the whole of the Kaled people. Only we, the Elite, we and the Daleks will go on.","NYDER: The whole of the Kaled people? You would go that far?","DAVROS: Did you ever doubt it?","NYDER: No.","DAVROS: There is much to do. I want the genetically conditioned creatures installed in the machines immediately. Twenty of them.","NYDER: Twenty?","DAVROS: They are our troops in this battle for survival.","NYDER: But they're still very erratic, unstable.","DAVROS: They will not be allowed self control. I will prepare a computer programme that will limit their actions. After that, we are going on a journey.","[SCENE_BREAK]","HARRY: What's Davros doing here in the Thal city?","DOCTOR: Shush.","DAVROS (OOV.): And I am no longer influenced by","[SCENE_BREAK]","DAVROS: Words such as patriotism and nationalism. My concern is only for peace, an end to this carnage that has virtually destroyed both our races.","COUNCILLOR: Why aren't you telling this to your own government and people?","DAVROS: I have tried. Time and again, I have tried. But now they will be satisfied with nothing other than total annihilation of the Thal people.","COUNCILLOR: Then they deserve to perish, and perish they will when we launch our rocket. It's primed and ready. The countdown for firing can begin immediately.","DAVROS: And it will fail.","COUNCILLOR: It can't fail.","DAVROS: The Kaled dome cannot be penetrated. Your great rocket will hardly scratch it.","DAVROS: This is the measure of my faith. Nyder.","NYDER: It is a simple chemical formula. If the substance is loaded into artillery shells and fired onto the surface of the Kaled dome, it will weaken the molecular structure and make it brittle. Your rocket will then be able to penetrate without resistance.","COUNCILLOR: Why are you giving us this information? You know that your own people, the Kaleds, will be utterly exterminated.","DAVROS: No price is too great to pay for peace. I only ask that when the war is over I be allowed to help in the reconstruction of our planet.","NYDER: We want only to see the conflict brought to an end. This formula give you the power to bring that about.","DAVROS: By dawn tomorrow, our world could be at peace.","[SCENE_BREAK]","NYDER: You think they believed you?","DAVROS: It is unimportant. They are hungry for victory. They will use the formula and fire their rocket no matter what they believe my motives to be. And when they do, Nyder, when they do.","COUNCILLOR: I've given orders that a barrage of shells containing the formula should begin as soon as possible. The rocket launch can begin immediately. And now I'll arrange your safe escort out of the city.","HARRY: Doctor, somehow we've got to warn Mogran and the other Kaled leaders.","DOCTOR: Yes, and we haven't found Sarah yet. Come on.","DOCTOR: Excuse me, can you help me? I'm a spy.","DOCTOR: Their suits, Harry.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SARAH: The rocket's loaded. Why are they still keeping us here?","SEVRIN: Why take the trouble to move us? It's easier to leave us here. Yes, but when it's fired, the exhaust blast will burn us up.","SARAH: Harry! Doctor!","DOCTOR: You all right, Sarah?","SARAH: Oh, I am now. Listen, we've got to get out of here. The Thals are going to launch this rocket.","DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I know. Listen. I want you and Harry to go back to the Kaled dome. Harry knows the way. Tell them all we know. There's a chance if they launch and all-out offensive I might be able to stop the rocket.","SARAH: What are you going to do?","DOCTOR: Try to sabotage it, or at least delay it. Off you go.","SARAH: Right.","DOCTOR: Good luck.","SARAH: Sevrin, you come with us.","DOCTOR: Well, don't just stand there. Come on, you're free! Go now while you've got the chance. Come on! (The rest of the mutos shamble out and the Doctor goes over to the rocket. Harry leads them back to the hatch in the floor. Sarah goes down first, followed by Sevrin and Harry. Then Thal guards arrive and shoot down into the opening. While the Doctor continues to inspect the rocket, the guard comes round and reaches for a button on a panel. Electricity clamps the Doctor to the base of the scaffolding.)"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"12x13","Episode Title":"Genesis of the Daleks - part 3","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_13x01.json","Recap":["The Doctor, Sarah and Harry are summoned back to Earth, where the Brigadier asks them to investigate the destruction of a series of North Sea oil rigs."],"Transcript":["TERROR of the ZYGONS By ROBERT BANKS-STEWART","First transmitted : 30th October 1975","Running time : 21:41","[SCENE_BREAK]","1. North Sea Oil Rig (Exterior)","(An oil rig sits silently in the North Sea. The water around is still. All is calm.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","2. North Sea Oil Rig (Interior)","(A jolly looking Scottish RADIO OPERATOR sits at a radio and talks into a microphone.)","RADIO OP: Hey, listen Willie! With tomorrow's supply, can you no send over some haggis?","(A strange buzzing\/ringing sound comes up. The RADIO OPERATOR looks around nervously. There is a crackle and the radio link stops.)","RADIO OP: Hello Willie? Can you hear me, over? This is Charlie Rag burning control. Are you receiving? I say again Charlie Ragtie burning control. Can you read me, over?","(The lights suddenly go out. The room shakes. A crushing sound can be heard outside.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","3. North Sea Oil Rig (Exterior)","(One of the giant stone legs holding up the rig cracks in half and the large building starts to fall.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4. North Sea Oil Rig (Interior)","RADIO OP: (In panic) Mayday! Mayday!","[SCENE_BREAK]","5. North Sea Oil Rig (Exterior)","(The building is nearly gone. The ringing screams in the background.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","6. North Sea Oil Rig (Interior)","RADIO OP: Mayday! Mayday!","[SCENE_BREAK]","7. North Sea Oil Rig (Exterior)","(There is an explosion and the oil rig collapses into the waves. Nothing is left of it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","8. Edge of Forest","(The DOCTOR, SARAH and HARRY march through the edge of a forest after being summoned to earth by the BRIGADIER. The DOCTOR is wearing a tartan scarf. (HARRY is wearing his other one.) SARAH has on a large black hat. No one says anything but the DOCTOR stops and raises his hand.)","DOCTOR: Halt!","(He looks around.)","DOCTOR: Forward!","(They walk on. The DOCTOR looks down at a small device he is carrying. It is guiding him to where he wants to go.)","DOCTOR: There we are!","(The DOCTOR points happily to a road a few minutes walk away. One car passes. He holds up his device.)","DOCTOR: Follow me.","(They run off. The DOCTOR takes the lead.)","SARAH: (Shouting) Hold on!","9. By the road","(Another car comes up. Inside, a man sees the DOCTOR waving from the side of the road and stops next to them.)","SARAH: Hi!","DOCTOR: Good morning.","(A serious looking, oldish man sits in the large car. He is the DUKE OF FORGILL.)","DUKE: Are you wanting a lift?","[SCENE_BREAK]","10. Another road","(A line of UNIT soldiers march down a road in a neat line. There is the sound of engines and a green car passes them.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","11. Outside Inn","(The car drives up to an inn. Inside is RSM BENTON and another soldier. They hear the sound of bagpipes coming from nearby.)","BENTON: Hey, listen to that! It's young Angus at it again!","(The other soldier grins.)","BENTON: Okay. Take her in.","[SCENE_BREAK]","12. Inside Inn","(The BRIGADIER sits in a chair inside the old building. Around the room are lots of pictures and models. On one wall is a moose head. Another man, HUCKLE, stands next to the BRIGADIER.)","HUCKLE: Three rigs destroyed in a month. Two of them ours, General.BRIGADIER: It's the Brigadier actually.","HUCKLE: Well Brigadier, my company has lost millions.","BRIGADIER: The government is equally concerned, I can assure you Mr Huckle, though more especially about the loss of life.","HUCKLE: (Gets up) If this keeps up, pretty soon there won't be a man willing to work out there. Do we have to put up with this hullabaloo? (Meaning the bagpipes.)","BRIGADIER: I'm afraid we've rather opposed ourselves on the landlord. If he wants to play his pipes, there's not much I can do about it.","(The BRIGADIER sees BENTON standing by the door.)","BRIGADIER: Ah, Benton. Any news of the Doctor yet?","BENTON: No Sir. Nothing yet.","(The BRIGADIER looks at his watch.)","BRIGADIER: He ought to have materialized by now.","(He gets up and goes to an old cash register.)","BRIGADIER: Mr Benton.","BENTON: Sir?","BRIGADIER: Is this thing still working?","BENTON: As far as I know, Sir, yes.","BRIGADIER: You get on well with the landlord, don't you.","BENTON: Well, yes Sir. I suppose I do.","BRIGADIER: Well, tell him to play the pipes when we're out of here.BENTON: Alright Sir.","(BENTON looks out of the window and sees a car coming up.)","BENTON: Oh, there's the Doctor now, Sir.","(The BRIGADIER peers out of the window and sees him.)","BRIGADIER: Good lord!","[SCENE_BREAK]","13. Outside Inn","(The DOCTOR steps out of the car and holds the door open for SARAH and HARRY.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","14. Inside Inn","BRIGADIER: Mr Huckle? Who's the man in the driving seat?","HUCKLE: Him? Oh that's the Duke of Forgill. The local big shot. He doesn't make things easy. He owns just about everything in this part of Scotland, except for the shore bays, and, frankly, he doesn't like us not one little bit!","(The door to the room opens and the tartan-dressed DOCTOR walks straight in.)","BRIGADIER: Oh, welcome back, Doctor.","DOCTOR: I want to know one thing, Brigadier.","(He points at the BRIGADIER's kilt.)","DOCTOR: What's that?","BRIGADIER: That, Doctor, is a kilt.","(SARAH chuckles.)","DOCTOR: Suits you very well.","BRIGADIER: Oh, do you think so?","DOCTOR: Yes.","SARAH: Um...um...this is his grace the Duke of Forgill. He very kindly gave us a lift.","DUKE: I had to pass here on the way to the oil base.","HUCKLE: To see me.","(The DUKE strides forward.)","DUKE: To see you, Mr Hickle.","HUCKLE: Huckle.","DUKE: To complain yet again about your rough necks trespassing and poaching on my property.","HUCKLE: My men have been warned, Sir. If anyone is caught, they will be dismissed immediately.","DUKE: Let me give you a final warning. If I catch them on my land again, they'll be shot. And that's not an idle threat, Mr Hickle.","HUCKLE: I'll be expecting you, Brigadier.BRIGADIER: Yes, Mr Huckle.","(HUCKLE leaves.)","DUKE: I trust the army isn't going to help these people. Is that why you were sent here?","BRIGADIER: No Sir. We're a military investigation team.","DUKE: Investigating what?","BRIGADIER: I'm afraid out mission is a sensitive matter, Sir.","DUKE: Official secrets and all that twaddle, eh? Well I won't pry, though my family have served this country for seven centuries, but that doesn't seem to count these days, does it. Good day to you.","(The DUKE leaves the room.)","BRIGADIER: What an odd man. Rather medieval in his ideas.","DOCTOR: A man in conviction.","HARRY: All the same, he did save us a long walk, Sarah.","SARAH: Anyway, it's nice to see you again, Brigadier.","BRIGADIER: And you, Miss Smith.","SARAH: Though I didn't expect to see you in a kilt!","BRIGADIER: My dear Miss Smith, as you remember, my name is Lethbridge-Stewart. The clan Stewart.","SARAH: Oh sorry! I thought you were doing a Doctor! (Laughs.)","BRIGADIER: What an absurd idea.","DOCTOR: Brigadier, why have you called me back? I hope you've got a very good reason.","[SCENE_BREAK]","15. The shore of a beach","(A man is washed up onto the shore. He is wearing a rubber ring and appears to be dead.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","16. Inside Inn","BRIGADIER: All three rigs were in this area.","(He points to a map of Scotland where the accidents are labelled.)","BRIGADIER: Therefore it seems...","(The DOCTOR bangs on the table.)","DOCTOR: Brigadier, Brigadier! Have you brought me two hundred and seventy million miles just to sort out a trouble at sea?","BRIGADIER: Three serious disasters, Doctor.","DOCTOR: When I left the psionic beam with you, Brigadier, I said it was only to be used in an emergency!","BRIGADIER: This is an emergency.","DOCTOR: Oil an emergency? Ha! It's about time the people who run this planet of yours realised that to be dependent on a mineral slime just doesn't make sense! Now, the energizing of hydrogen...BRIGADIER: Doctor, the destruction of these rigs is a complete mystery. Do you want more men to die?","DOCTOR: No.","(He puts his hat on his head and leans backward.)","DOCTOR: Very well. When do we start?","BRIGADIER: The oil company - we're paying them a visit this afternoon.","(HUCKLE searches through a filing cabinet and takes out a red folder. He looks at it, making sure it's the right one and closes the drawer.)","HUCKLE: Here's the preliminary medical report on the condition of the bodies.","(HUCKLE hands the folder to HARRY who opens it up.)","HUCKLE: They died the same way as the others - exposure and drowning.","HARRY: Yes, so I heard, Mr Huckle.","(HARRY flicks through the papers.)","HARRY: There's quite a few crush injuries.","HUCKLE: The rig collapsed.","HARRY: (To BRIGADIER) I think I'd better take a look at these, Sir.","BRIGADIER: Yes, good idea, Sullivan. You go across to the sick bay and we'll meet you back at the headquarters.","HARRY: Aye Aye, Sir.","SARAH: (To HARRY) I'll come with you as far as the village. I could talk to some of the local people and see what I can find out, okay. See you later!","HARRY: Bye Doctor.","(HARRY and SARAH go. The DOCTOR stares into space. The BRIGADIER looks at him strangely, then goes over to a model of an oil rig. He holds one of its giant white legs.)","BRIGADIER: You know these things always reminded me of three legged spiders in Wellington boots.","HUCKLE: Correction - concrete boots. Thousands of tons of it. Those babies were meant to be unsinkable.","DOCTOR: (Getting up) Yes, and so was the Bismarck, and we all know that story.","HUCKLE: We spent a fortune proving the Waverley field geologically sound. Everything is constantly checked for stability - winds, tides, the constant moving of the sea bed.DOCTOR: You say these radio blackouts have happened before?","HUCKLE: Each time a rig has disappeared.","DOCTOR: No low range craft in the area, nothing suspicious?","HUCKLE: Difficult to be sure. It was at night. The radio picked up some strange sound, but as far as we know, the sea was calm and empty.","DOCTOR: Maybe calm, but never empty.","[SCENE_BREAK]","17. In the Inn, later in the day","(The landlord of the inn, ANGUS MCRANNALD, washes a table. SARAH is talking to him.)","MCRANNALD: That's right. I'm Angus Ferguson McRannald. My family's been in these parts for generations.","SARAH: Really? Well, they tell me in the village, Mr McRannald, that besides being the best piper for miles around, you also have second sight.","MCRANNALD: Well, I am the seventh son of the seventh son. Well, do you know, the fellow who was with you, The Doctor, he looks likes a man who may see around a few corners himself.","SARAH: Quite a few.","(SARAH sees on the wall the large moose head.)","SARAH: Aw. That's a fine looking head.","MCRANNALD: Aye. Beyond the 12 pointer. Brought down by the Duke of Forgill himself. Gave it to the me this last week.","SARAH: He's a strange man, this Duke, isn't he?","MCRANNALD: Would you think so, miss? You know, I would give it a favour to remember he is a McRannald - my chief.","SARAH: No, no, of course. It's just, after he picked us up in his car, he never spoke a word. All the way to the village!","MCRANNALD: Ah well. It's true he's not the Duke I remember. He has been a different man since the oil companies came.","SARAH: You seem to blame everything on the oil companies.","MCRANNALD: Aw well, his servants have left to go and work with them. I've said Forgill Castle is a cold, empty house these days. Wouldn't a care to set foot in it myself. Now that's a fact.","[SCENE_BREAK]","18. Zygon Spaceship","(Two orange-coloured hands twist dials on the side of a green control panel. The ZYGON's veins show up brightly, its fingers are dark red and covered in small lumps. The sounds of SARAH and MCRANNALD can be heard, and they can be seen in a monitor.)","SARAH: The local people say you had a vision of disaster for the oil company.","MCRANNALD: Do they now? They seem to have done a fair bit of watching in the late twenty year!","SARAH: Is it true?","MCRANNALD: I'm no saying, but only bad luck comes to them who step over Tulloch Moor.","SARAH: Really, why?","MCRANNALD: Tulloch Moor's a strange murky sort of place. When the mist comes down, it's like the steam from a witch's cauldron. Nobody in these parts will cross the moor after dark.","(The face of an orange creature watches the screen. Its eyes are black.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","19. Inside Inn","SARAH: Ah, Mr McRannald, that's just superstition, surely?","MCRANNALD: Call it that, if you like.","SARAH: Well, has anything ever happened to anyone up there?","MCRANNALD: Aye aye. There was a man, a foreigner, from far away. Stayed at this very inn. He went out in the moor. Never seen again.","SARAH: Ooh. He left without paying his bill did he?","(MCRANNALD stares at her.)","SARAH: When did this happen, anyway?","MCRANNALD: 19 hundred and 22. Then there was the case of the Jameson boys, although that was a wee while ago.","SARAH: Okay...","(She sits in a chair next to MCRANNALD.)","SARAH: What happened to them?","MCRANNALD: It was, let me see, 1870. They were out cutting peat and the mist came down. Donald just disappeared. They found the other brother, Robert, two days later, wondering about off his head. His eyes, his eyes were terrible to see. For the rest of his life he never spoke again. Take my word for it, dear, there are ancient mysteries here. Evil spirits haunt Tulloch Moor.","(SARAH gets up.)","SARAH: Maybe, but I'm certain of one thing, Mr McRannald: evil spirits don't destroy oil rigs.","(ANGUS MCRANNALD watches as SARAH leaves the room.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","20. Shore of beach","(The man in the rubber ring slowly gets up and steps out of the ring. He stumbles into the muddy beach. He falls over and picks himself up.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","21. Cliff","(Another, larger, man walks across the beach. He is holding a gun. He has a ginger beard and hair, and he is wearing a kilt.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","22. Road","(A little way off, a green car drives up to the bottom of the cliff. HARRY steps out of the car and notices someone stumbling around on the cliff, as if drunk. HARRY jumps forward and starts running towards the stranger. The ginger-haired man watches through the long grass. HARRY reaches the man, who is breathing heavily. He is the RADIO OPERATOR from the destroyed rig.)","RADIO OP: The rig! I was on the rig!","HARRY: Yes, it's alright, old chap. Don't worry. I'll have you in a hospital in no time.","RADIO OP: It's too late. I didn't have a chance.","HARRY: What do you mean? What happened?","RADIO OP: It suddenly came at us...smashed the rig to pieces.","HARRY: What did?","(The man with the gun bends down and focuses his gun on the RADIO OPERATOR. He pulls the trigger and fires. There is the sound of a gun shot and the OPERATOR falls over - dead. HARRY quickly gets up, but there is another gun shot. He clutches his head and falls down. There is a large mark of blood on his forehead.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","23. Inside Inn","(The DOCTOR is fiddling at an object when SARAH comes in. The sound of ANGUS MCRENNALD's bagpipes are playing.)","SARAH: Hi!","(The DOCTOR doesn't reply. He starts to push a metal square into a wire.)","SARAH: What's that?","(There is still no answer.)","SARAH: If you're interested, the Brig's on the quayside, watching wreckage being brought ashore.","DOCTOR: Hum.","SARAH: Hmm. Thought that would interest you. He's being very secretive. If you ask me, he is wasting his time. Oh yes, might as well forget about security in Tulloch. The landlord here's got second sight...","(The bagpipe playing suddenly stops. SARAH seems shocked.)","DOCTOR: Know what he was playing? Flowers of the Forest. A lament for the dead.","(SARAH smiles awkwardly.)","SARAH: What is that thing you're fiddling with?","DOCTOR: It's part of the radio probe system. Used to stop the localised jamming.","SARAH: Well, what if that gets jammed too?","(The DOCTOR looks at her. SARAH laughs and picks up the phone which has started ringing.)","SARAH: (In a Scottish accent) Hallo. Fox Inn.","(Her expression changes.)","SARAH: Harry's been shot!","[SCENE_BREAK]","24. Zygon Spaceship","(The ZYGON's hand turns a mushroom-shaped button. It talks to another ZYGON in a whisper.)","ZYGON: Strength?","ZYGON 2: Tiastelic reading 703.","ZYGON: Increase the sonic quarter by three marks.","ZYGON 2: Increased three marks. Contact firm.","ZYGON: Check direction at pass.","ZYGON 2: Pass correct to within one earth mile. Closing.","[SCENE_BREAK]","25. Loch Ness","(A giant, silvery, scaly creature sits quietly at the bottom of Loch Ness. The sound of ringing starts.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","26. Radio Room","(HUCKLE talks to the radio operator at Ben Nevis Oil Rig.)","HUCKLE: Say again. Over.","OPERATOR: (OOV) I'm bringing in control to 3, Ben Nevis 3. Over.","HUCKLE: Got you, Ben Nevis, loud and clear.","[SCENE_BREAK]","27. Ben Nevis Oil Rig","HUCKLE: (OOV) How are things out there, over.","OPERATOR: Everything fine. Any news of your investigation? Over.","HUCKLE: (OOV) Nothing much. The Brigadier...","(The radio link crackles and stops. The strange ringing sound starts.)","OPERATOR: Hello? Hello? I'm bringing in control. This is number 3 rig. Are you receiving me? I say again, are you receiving me? Over!","[SCENE_BREAK]","28. Radio Room","HUCKLE: No not again! Ben Nevis, Ben Nevis! Are you there? Are you there? Over!","[SCENE_BREAK]","29. Sickbay","(HARRY lies motionless in a bed. He is watched by the DOCTOR and SISTER LAMONT.)","DOCTOR: Has he said anything?","SISTER LAMONT: No.","DOCTOR: What? Nothing at all?","SISTER LAMONT: No, he's still in shock. The bullet grazed his skull.","(The DOCTOR takes his hat off and leans close to HARRY.)","DOCTOR: Harry. Harry! Can you hear me, Harry? It's The Doctor! Can you hear me?","(The BRIGADIER and SARAH enter the room.)","SARAH: Is he all right?","DOCTOR: No he's not. He has got a scalp wound. He needs time.","BRIGADIER: Yes, but time is the last thing we have, Doctor. Another rig has just been destroyed.","DOCTOR: What?","BRIGADIER: The Ben Nevis Rig. 15 miles west of the Prince Charlie. 40 men on board completely vanished.","DOCTOR: Same pattern?","BRIGADIER: Exactly the same. First of all radio blackouts and then that extraordinary sound. Now Mr Huckle's going mad.","DOCTOR: I'll come back with you.","SARAH: I'll stay with Harry. Then I can call you if there's any improvement.","DOCTOR: Good girl.","SARAH: (To HARRY) Harry! Harry! It's me, Sarah!","SISTER LAMONT: I think you should let him rest. He is under sedation, you know.","SARAH: Oh yes. Yes of course.","(SISTER LAMONT leaves. SARAH stares at HARRY.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","30. Outside hospital","(A car drives up and BENTON climbs out. The DOCTOR looks in the back of the car, where there is a large, square stone with two holes in it.)","DOCTOR: What's that?","BRIGADIER: Part of the wreckage from the Prince Charlie. It's been curiously marked. Look.","(The BRIGADIER pushes a stick he is holding into the holes.)","DOCTOR: Mr Benton? Nip into the sickbay, will you, and fetch some plaster of Paris.","BENTON: Plaster of...","DOCTOR: Paris. They'll have some to spare.","BENTON: Okay, Doctor.","DOCTOR: How very curious.","(He examines the holes.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","31. Inside Inn (A few hours later)","(The plaster of Paris has hardened inside the two strange holes.)","HUCKLE: Doctor, do you mind telling me exactly what you are doing?","DOCTOR: A little experiment in orthodontology.","HUCKLE: Orthodontology?","DOCTOR: Teeth. Teeth. The scientific study of teeth.","(He pulls the mould out of the stone. It is shaped like two giant, sharp teeth.)","DOCTOR: It's the cast of a tooth, wouldn't you say?","HUCKLE: Teeth? Doctor, you can't be serious.","DOCTOR: Teeth are very serious things, Mr Huckle.","HUCKLE: Look. Lets get things straight. Are you trying to tell me that the rigs were chewed up by a set of giant molars?","DOCTOR: Yes. A set of giant molars that can chew through steel as easy as paper.","BRIGADIER: Do you suggest we're dealing with some kind of sea monster?","[SCENE_BREAK]","32. Zygon Spaceship","(The ZYGON listens to the DOCTOR speaking on the monitor screen.)","DOCTOR: (From screen.) Yes. A monster of frightening size and power.","ZYGON: This one they call the Doctor is a threat to us. Already he has found out too much. He must be destroyed.","[SCENE_BREAK]","33. Sickbay","(SARAH watches the unconscious HARRY in the bed. Suddenly he seems to wake and he clutches his forehead.)","HARRY: Sarah?","SARAH: Yes.","HARRY: (mumbles.)SARAH: It's alright, Harry.","HARRY: There's a man...","SARAH: What is it?","HARRY: There's a man on the reef...","SARAH: What are you trying to say?","(Sister Lamont enters.)","SARAH: Sister Lamont. I didn't hear you coming.","SISTER LAMONT: Doctor Sullivan, how are you feeling?","SARAH: Harry. What did you find out? Did Munro tell you anything?","HARRY: Munro?","SARAH: The man on the beach. The man who was shot.","HARRY: The rig...the rig...was shaking...","SARAH: Yes?","HARRY: The rig was...falling...shaking...","SARAH: And then what, Harry? Keep trying. I'm going to phone the Doctor.","SISTER LAMONT: (To HARRY.) It's alright, Doctor Sullivan. You're quite safe. Your worries are over now. You're going to be very well looked after.","(She leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","34 . Inside Inn","(The DOCTOR is on the telephone to SARAH.)","DOCTOR: (To BRIGADIER.) She says he's recovering. (To SARAH.) Good. Good. Has he said anything?","[SCENE_BREAK]","35. Room outside Sickbay","SARAH: Well, he's starting to speak. I think there was something he wants to tell us.","[SCENE_BREAK]","36. Sickbay","(HARRY is alone in the sickbay. He starts speaking to himself.)","HARRY: The rig...the rig was smashed to pieces...nothing left...Munro in the water.","(The strange ringing sound starts up.)","HARRY: Struggling, cold, exposed...No! No! No!","(HARRY looks really scared and starts leaning backwards. Something is there...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","37. Inside Inn","DOCTOR: No, no. I'll be right over.","[SCENE_BREAK]","38. Room outside Sickbay","DOCTOR: (OOV, from telephone.) ...and Sarah, better keep his recovery dark for the moment.","SARAH: Why, do you think he is in danger from something? AHHHHAHHH!!!","(She screams and drops the telephone. A huge orange creature is reaching out to her - the ZYGON!)"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"13x01","Episode Title":"Terror of the Zygons - part 1","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_15x19.json","Recap":["Capturing the Doctor and Leela, the citadel guards are quite pleased to have more subjects for their public executions, but it only fires up a Trog revolt instead."],"Transcript":["UNDERWORLD","BY: BOB BAKER AND DAVE MARTIN","Part Three","Running time: 22:21","[SCENE_BREAK]","JACKSON: Right. Blast it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","TARN: Yes, I will immediately. Thank you, Master. (to Rask) Round up the slaves to watch the sacrifice.","TARN: Gas! Shut down the gas! Fumigation! Shut down the fumigation!","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: I wonder where it all went?","JACKSON: Did you find it? Did you find the way to the P7E?","HERRICK: No, sir, but this man tried to kill me. Look at this.","TALA: Who was he?","HERRICK: I don't know, but the communicator kept calling him Officer Klimt.","JACKSON: Looted from the P7E.","[SCENE_BREAK]","IDAS: Doctor?","DOCTOR: Shush.","LEELA: Doctor!","DOCTOR: Hmm?","LEELA: I found another weapon.","DOCTOR: What? Good.","LEELA: Well, we've got to protect ourselves somehow.","DOCTOR: Hmm.","IDAS: Are you, are you really from the stars?","LEELA: Yes.","IDAS: The stars really exist, then?","LEELA: Of course they do.","IDAS: And that is not the sky?","LEELA: That is the roof.","IDAS: Roof?","LEELA: Yes.","IDAS: Will you take me with you when you return to the stars?","DOCTOR: Yes.","LEELA: No.","DOCTOR: But we've got problems with the ship.","IDAS: Ship?","LEELA: Yes. With this, here.","IDAS: Yes, your citadel. Yes, we have a citadel, too.","DOCTOR: You do?","IDAS: Yes.","DOCTOR: Where is it?","IDAS: It's where the Seers live, in metal rooms like this. It's where they hold the sacrifices. It's where my father is.","DOCTOR: Could you take us there?","IDAS: No.","DOCTOR: Why not?","IDAS: There's no time.","DOCTOR: No time? Don't say that to me, I'm a Time Lord. Come on!","LEELA: Do not worry. He has saved many fathers. Come on!","[SCENE_BREAK]","ANKH: Slaves must see the sacrifice, to show them who rules. See to it, Tarn, or you will be next.","TARN: Yes, Master.","RASK: Make the most of these few moments, slave. Enjoy them to the full. They are your last.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: I see. The Oracle tells the Seers.","IDAS: And the Seers tell the guards, and the guards tell us.","DOCTOR: Ah.","LEELA: And you do the work?","IDAS: Yes.","LEELA: Revolution! Wait, Idas. Has no one ever thought of revolution? Has no one ever rebelled?","IDAS: My father did.","LEELA: And?","DOCTOR: Shush, shush.","K9: Ready.","DOCTOR: Yes, good. Idas, K9 has made us a map of the tunnel. K9, find Jackson, bring him back here then follow us. Off you go.","K9: Retrieve and follow. Affirmative.","DOCTOR: Recognise that?","IDAS: The Tree. We call it the Tree.","DOCTOR: The Tree at the End of the World. Where are we?","IDAS: Here.","DOCTOR: Where's your father? I see. Can we get from there to there quickly?","IDAS: No.","DOCTOR: Why not?","IDAS: It's forbidden.","DOCTOR: Why?","IDAS: It's guarded by invisible dragons. Not even the guards can use it, only Seers. They have special powers.","DOCTOR: So do I, Idas. So do I. The Tree at the End of the World's always guarded by dragons. They're fire dragons, aren't they, with tongues of flame.","LEELA: Do not worry. Come on.","IDAS: No, Doctor. That's where the dragons live.","DOCTOR: Really? We'll see if they're at home, shall we? Here, try that.","DOCTOR: No, throw it, don't eat it.","LEELA: Oh.","DOCTOR: See the source?","DOCTOR: Got it with that one?","LEELA: Got it.","DOCTOR: Give it a blast.","DOCTOR: Now the door.","DOCTOR: Phew.","DOCTOR: In you go.","LEELA: Oh, no. There's nothing there.","DOCTOR: Yes, there is.","LEELA: No, there isn't.","DOCTOR: Yes, there is. Gravity.","LEELA: Gravity makes things fall.","DOCTOR: Towards the centre. This is the centre. Centre of the planet. Zero gravity, as in space. Watch.","LEELA: Come on. How do we move?","DOCTOR: Just push.","LEELA: Just DOCTOR Push.","DOCTOR: Ready?","LEELA: Yes.","DOCTOR: And push. They all push upwards with their arms.)","DOCTOR: And push.","DOCTOR: You all right, Idas?","[SCENE_BREAK]","TARN: Gate patrol! Alert! Alert!","[SCENE_BREAK]","ORACLE: Is the time right?","ANKH: The time is right.","ORACLE: Is the slave ready?","ANKH: He is ready.","ORACLE: And those who watch?","ANKH: They are full of fear.","ORACLE: Then shall not the sword ask its question?","ANKH: It shall be done.","ANKH: Let the Lamp of Life be lit.","ANKH: Lamp, burn.","ALL: Lamp, burn.","ANKH: Sword, fall.","ALL: Sword, fall.","ANKH: Ask the question that hangs over all.","ALL: Ask the question that hangs over all.","[SCENE_BREAK]","IDAS: And then the sword falls.","LEELA: Why go to so much trouble?","DOCTOR: Intimidation. The more ritual and mumbo-jumbo, the greater deterrent. That's the whole point of official sadism.","[SCENE_BREAK]","K9: Faster. Imperative move faster.","[SCENE_BREAK]","RASK: Don't move! Throw down the weapon.","DOCTOR: Throw it down.","RASK: Move!","[SCENE_BREAK]","RASK: Inside! Just in time to follow your father. Move!","[SCENE_BREAK]","ANKH: Ask.","RASK: The intruders, Master. Captured.","ANKH: Bring them forward.","RASK: In.","ANKH: They too will answer the question of the sword. Continue.","IDAS: No!","ANKH: Kill him! Kill him!","LEELA: Go! Come on.","IDAS: Yes.","DOCTOR: Into the tunnels! You'll never beat them here!","LAKH: Kill her!","ANKH: Kill them!","DOCTOR: Into the tunnels.","[SCENE_BREAK]","RASK: Gate control! Breakout! Slaves! Stop them!","[SCENE_BREAK]","HERRICK: This is more like it! Come on!","JACKSON: Herrick, come back!","[SCENE_BREAK]","LEELA: They've got us on both sides.","IDAS: We could try a rush. Well, we must do something.","IDMON: We must, son. We must.","[SCENE_BREAK]","JACKSON: Cover him!","[SCENE_BREAK]","HERRICK: Hey!","[SCENE_BREAK]","JACKSON: Come on, Tala. Herrick?","HERRICK: No, Captain. No, you go on. I've waited a long, long time for this. I'm not going to miss it now. Go back, Captain! Goodbye and good luck.","JACKSON: Goodbye, Herrick.","RASK: Good. Not dead yet. Take him inside for questioning.","[SCENE_BREAK]","NAIA: We are born, live and die in the tunnels, until now.","LEELA: There is nothing else?","NAIA: Nothing but the quota. This rock for the crushers.","LEELA: Rock?","NAIA: For fuel. For reprocessing into food so that we can go on working to get more rock. And then there are the skyfalls.","IDMON: Yes. They say they're accidents, but they're not. They can't be. It's the way they keep our numbers down so there's just enough of us to do the work, and no more.","IDAS: (holding a shield gun) If only we had more of these.","JACKSON: (holding the sword) We can't use the shaft again. They'd wipe us out before we got to the bridge. Is there another way?","IDAS: To the Tree? No.","LEELA: Doctor, Naia says they eat rock. Processed rock.","DOCTOR: Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Blackpool, hmm? If they process rock, they must take it in somewhere. Into the ship, the P7E, mustn't they?","LEELA: Crushers. Naia said something about crushers.","DOCTOR: Crushers. Yes. Yes, there must be another way. Tell me, why do you think Idas calls the tunnel system the Tree?","LEELA: Why shouldn't he? Idas has never seen a tree, has he. Why would he call it a tree?","DOCTOR: The Tree of Life. The race bank. The gift of immortality on the Tree of Life guarded by the dragon.","LEELA: The Oracle?","DOCTOR: Yes.","LEELA: Oh, that's just a myth, a story.","DOCTOR: Ah, myths often have a grain of truth in them, if you know where to look. Everybody here, except us, comes from the same stock as Jackson and company.","LEELA: The same stock?","DOCTOR: Yes. How else do you think they got here on the middle of a new planet?","LEELA: I don't know.","DOCTOR: They're the descendents of the people who came on the P7E. Jackson's probably Idas' great-great-great-great-great-great- grandfather a few times back.","LEELA: Great, great, great","DOCTOR: Yes. Don't worry about it.","LEELA: Great, great","DOCTOR: There is another way into the Citadel, you know.","JACKSON: The bridge'll be guarded.","DOCTOR: But not the goods entrance. They still need fuel, don't they? And they need food and they need rock, and the rock has to be crushed somewhere. Isn't that wonderful? Bring that sword.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: What do you think, Jackson?","JACKSON: It must be done in silence, without giving them a chance to use their weapons. One shot and the alarms'll go and they'll know we're in. It's difficult.","LEELA: But possible, if we can get behind them.","JACKSON: Possible if we can get the maximum of surprise, and if the Doctor's plan works.","DOCTOR: Well, it's not my plan exactly, but it has worked before. A fellow called Ulysses pulled it off a little while ago.","JACKSON: Who?","LEELA: Ulysses. Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","LAKH: Where are you from?","HERRICK: Minyos.","ANKH: Liar.","ANKH: Minyos was destroyed a hundred thousand years ago.","LAKH: Where are you from?","HERRICK: Minyos.","ANKH: Liar!","TARN: He tells the truth, Master.","LAKH: Silence! We are the only survivors of Minyos.","HERRICK: You? Never.","ANKH: What do you seek here? Why have you come?","HERRICK: I seek the future.","TARN: There is more, Master. He is holding back.","LAKH: What else? We can make your brain boil inside your skull. What else?","HERRICK: There's no reason why you should not know. We are Minyans. We're in search of the cylinders containing the race bank.","ANKH: Race bank?","LAKH: What cylinders?","HERRICK: The cylinders containing the genetic inheritance of the Minyan people. It was placed on board your ship, the P7E.","ANKH: You are mistaken.","LAKH: He is lying. More.","TARN: There is no more, Master. He speaks the truth.","HERRICK: The Quest. The Quest.","ANKH: This is not a ship. Not your P7E. And there is no such thing as this race bank you describe.","HERRICK: If you were Minyans,","LAKH: The guards and slaves are the only people of true Minyan descent. We have evolved far beyond them.","HERRICK: Then who are you?","ANKH: The servants of the Oracle. Seers of the realm of Hedas.","[SCENE_BREAK]","IDMON: The crusher!"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"15x19","Episode Title":"Underworld - part 3","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_16x04.json","Recap":["The Doctor returns to the city to keep an eye on the Graff, leaving Romana, K9 and Garron to search for Unstoffe and the first segment. However, Garron double crosses them and steals the tracer."],"Transcript":["The Ribos Operation","First broadcast 23rd September, 1978 6:20pm - 6:45pm","[SCENE_BREAK]","1: INT. CATACOMBS","SHOLAKH: They've gone deeper than this.","(The Doctor turns to look at them - and accidentally knocks a skull out onto the ground. It hits with a clatter.)","GRAFF: NOW WE HAVE HIM!!!","(Having to act fast, the Doctor pulls out his dog whistle and blows sharply...and farther down the passage, a Shrivenzale awakes.)","GRAFF: He cannot escape - and no one will ever know how he tried to trick the Graff Vynda-K!","(Nobody told the Shrivenzale crawling towards them that, though.)","GRAFF: It's a beast!! Take cover!!!","(The heroes have already done that, and dig themselves even farther in the tomb holes. The Shrivenzale crawls along the passage, snorting. A moment, and then the Graff's group emerges from hiding in a side passage.)","SHOLAKH: Guards - reform!!","(The bodyguards gather again.)","SHOLAKH: These caves remind me of that labyrinth we had to fight through on Phraetiss. We moved in darkness. Every forward step, things were squirming and crunching under our feet...remember, Highness?","GRAFF: Almost a year without sight of sky. But these are not caves like those, Sholakh.","SHOLAKH: The air's the same - heavy and damp with the stench of death. No wonder the natives wouldn't come here.","GRAFF: Why think you now of the Phraetiss labyrinth? What troubles you?","SHOLAKH: Our problem's the same, Graff. I mean, there we had two legions searching for the enemy - here, we have a few men searching for one. It'll take as long.","(The Graff grabs Sholakh's arms.)","GRAFF: Still a pessimist?? Even if it takes TWICE as long, (makes a fist) I shall not leave this planet until I have that jethrik!!","SHOLAKH: Then perhaps, Highness, we should have brought that old boneshaker with us.","GRAFF: The seeker?","SHOLAKH: If she truly has the gift of sniffing out fugitives.","GRAFF: You're right, Sholakh. YES, by heaven!! We'll force that old witch to lead us, even if we have to carry her!! COME!!!","[SCENE_BREAK]","2: INT. CAVES","(The passages have given way to dark caverns. Unstoffe and Binro continue their long trek nevertheless. But old Binro is finding his way harder and harder, and he almost can't walk now.)","UNSTOFFE: Do you need a rest, Binro?","BINRO: Eh? No, no, I can go on.","UNSTOFFE: No, no, come on. I'm thinking of myself as well.","(He helps Binro over to a large boulder to rest.)","BINRO: Well, in that case...","UNSTOFFE: Well, sit down.","(Binro and Unstoffe rest on the boulder.)","UNSTOFFE: Space travel rots the muscles, Binro.","BINRO: Space travel - how is it done, my friend? How do you fly between the stars, hmm?","UNSTOFFE: If we were to stay here the rest of our lives, Binro, I couldn't begin to explain that one.","BINRO: I understand. There's so much still to learn.","[SCENE_BREAK]","3: INT. CATACOMBS","(The Doctor sneaks back into Romana's and Garron's hiding spot after looking around.)","ROMANA: Have they gone?","DOCTOR: No.","ROMANA: You nearly got us killed.","DOCTOR: If you call that being nearly killed, you haven't lived yet. Just stay with me, and you'll get a lot nearer.","(A loud growl nearby.)","DOCTOR: In fact, you're a lot nearer right now.","ROMANA: You've got an unconscious death wish.","GARRON: Don't speak up!!","DOCTOR: No - no bickering.","ROMANA: Never bicker.","GARRON: Now, we should be looking for my invaluable young friend Unstoffe...","DOCTOR: ...who's carrying a valuable piece of jethrik.","GARRON: (clapping his shoulder) What is property at such a time?","DOCTOR: Quite right.","ROMANA: What do we do now?","(The Doctor thinks about it.)","DOCTOR: You go that way, I'll go this way.","GARRON: Which way?","DOCTOR: That way.","GARRON: Oh, that way.","ROMANA: Back to the city?","DOCTOR: Well, someone's got to keep an eye on Vynda-K! (pause) Well, don't just lie there, do something!","ROMANA: What??","DOCTOR: Move.","GARRON: What, now?","DOCTOR: NOW!!","(The group jumps out of the tomb - and jumps right back in again as another growl is heard.)","ROMANA: Now?","(The Doctor holds up a finger - wait for it...)","DOCTOR: NOW!!","(Romana and Garron jump out of the tomb and race up the passage. The Doctor pauses and waits for K-9 to move out of his hiding spot.)","K-9: Need help, Master?","DOCTOR: No, don't explain, don't explain...look after those two.","(K-9 follows in Romana and Garron's direction. The Doctor heads off the other way.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4: INT. CAVERNS","(Binro is now holding the huge chunk of jethrik.)","UNSTOFFE: If you had the knowledge of how to use it, Binro, there's enough energy in there to move you and me across the universe.","(Binro gasps.)","BINRO: Really? Hoo...no wonder men fight for it. But you didn't steal this from the relic room? Where did you get it?","(Unstoffe takes the rock back.)","UNSTOFFE: It belonged to a friend of mine.","BINRO: Th-the one who sent his voice through the air into your hand?","UNSTOFFE: Garron, yes. I was supposed to meet Garron in the concourse. It was to be our contingency rendezvous.","BINRO: Yes...what?","UNSTOFFE: We were supposed to meet there if anything went wrong. He didn't turn up, so...I suppose he must be in trouble himself.","BINRO: You're worried about him, aren't you, my friend?","UNSTOFFE: Yes. You see, we've worked together for a long time. This was to be our last job. He often talks of going back to Hackneywick.","BINRO: What's that?","UNSTOFFE: Well, for all I can make out, it's j-just a mud patch in the middle of nowhere. But I suppose it's home to him.","BINRO: I don't understand.","UNSTOFFE: Oh, I'm sorry, I was just thinking aloud. Well, you see, I've a feeling this was our last job after all, o-only it hasn't turned out quite the way we expected.","BINRO: P-perhaps I should go back and look for him.","UNSTOFFE: Do you think you could find your way from here?","BINRO: From here, yes. If we go any farther into these caves, it'll not be possible.","UNSTOFFE: And the deeper we go, the more chance there is of our being eaten, right?","BINRO: Yes...or of the roof falling in. You see, these caves a-a-are very old and dangerous. But on the other hand, there may be another way from here up to the surface. I...I...I'll do whatever you think is best, my friend.","UNSTOFFE: But there could be danger waiting for you up in the city.","BINRO: Who knows I helped you? No-no-nobody notices old Binro the Heretic.","UNSTOFFE: You'd risk your life for me? Why?","BINRO: (smiles) You wouldn't understand.","(He gets up, turns to go, then looks back.)","BINRO: For years, I was jeered and derided. I began to doubt even myself. Then you came along, and you told me...I was right.","(He chuckles, and starts on his way...then pauses...)","BINRO: Just to know that for certain, Unstoffe...is worth a life, eh?","(And with that, he walks out of sight. Unstoffe suddenly gets up.)","UNSTOFFE: Binro!","BINRO: Yes?","(Unstoffe pulls off his wrist speaker, walks over to Binro and hands it to him.)","UNSTOFFE: Here. You'd better take this, just in case Garron suspects it's some kind of trick.","BINRO: Oh, thanks. (chuckles) I-I'll...I'll try to hurry.","UNSTOFFE: Good luck.","(Binro walks into the caverns, chuckling. Unstoffe sighs and waits.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","5: EXT. CASTLE FOYER","(The Doctor has his back to a pillar, listening as nearby Graff addresses the Captain and his guards.)","GRAFF: (pushy) Captain, I am tired of waiting. How much longer?","CAPTAIN: (fed up with him) The seeker will come in her own time.","GRAFF: (an ominous tone in his voice) That's not polite, is it Sholakh?","SHOLAKH: (a sadistic grin growing on his face) It's grossly discourteous, Highness.","GRAFF: Grossly - you'd go so far as to say that, would you?","SHOLAKH: I'd even say insulting.","GRAFF: Then I have a right to be angry, Sholakh. Someone should be punished.","SHOLAKH: Teach him the value of good manners, Highness.","GRAFF: Precisely.","(And with this, the Graff lifts his crystal-studded staff and vaporizes a guard with an emerald ray. We thankfully don't see the demise, only the guard's agonized last gasp. The Doctor winces, and rushes across the foyer out of sight. The Captain kneels by the fallen guard.)","SHOLAKH: An excellent shot, Highness.","CAPTAIN: He's dead! (looks at Graff) What have you done?!?","(The Graff studies the corpse.)","GRAFF: Slightly high and to the left.","SHOLAKH: Still an excellent shot, your Highness.","GRAFF: Thank you.","(The Captain gets up.)","CAPTAIN: You're not from the North...what are you?","GRAFF: IMPATIENT, CAPTAIN!!! Tell the seeker I want her here...NOW.","(Sholakh steps forward threateningly.)","SHOLAKH: What are you waiting for, Captain?","(Visibly shaken, the Captain runs off.)","SHOLAKH: That stirred him up a bit.","GRAFF: I flatter myself. I know how to get the best from a native.","(He walks off after the Captain.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","6: INT. CORRIDOR","(From a high window, the Doctor watches the guards carry off their fallen member. He then heads over to...)","[SCENE_BREAK]","7: INT. GRAFF'S SUITE","(...where he crosses over to the fallen guard, still covered in a blanket.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","8: INT. CATACOMBS","(K-9 leads the search, with Romana trailing behind. She pauses and looks around the intersection.)","ROMANA: Garron? Garron, where are you?","K-9: He has departed, Mistress.","ROMANA: Well, that's obvious. But where?","K-9: To see a man about a dog.","ROMANA: WHAT?!?","K-9: That was the information he imparted.","ROMANA: Well, why didn't you tell me earlier?","K-9: You did not ask, Mistress.","(Romana sighs.)","K-9: Which route, Mistress?","(Romana checks her pockets for the wand - and suddenly realizes...)","ROMANA: The tracer...He's stolen the tracer!! Oh, how could I have been such a fool?!?","K-9: Question not understood. Kindly rephrase.","ROMANA: It's vital to get that tracer back. What can I do?","K-9: I will run through my databanks for information.","ROMANA: I wasn't asking you, K-9!!","(K-9 wags its ears.)","K-9: No other entity is present.","ROMANA: I was talking to myself!!!","K-9: That procedure is not logical. The purpose of speech is to communicate information.","(She flings her coat over K-9.)","ROMANA: Be quiet, K-9 - you're a very irritating computer.","K-9: (muffled) Mffress.","(Romana pulls the coat off K-9 and kneels beside him.)","ROMANA: Oh, I'm sorry, K-9.","(She pets him. K-9 wags his ears.)","ROMANA: What can we do now?","K-9: Seek, mistress.","(K-9 starts forward.)","ROMANA: Seek?","[SCENE_BREAK]","9: EXT. CITY","(The bodyguards march through the medieval city, the Seeker last of all. Sholakh shoves her forward.)","SHOLAKH: Move yourself, unless you want my boot behind you!!","(As they move off, the Graff walks up to Sholakh.)","GRAFF: We'll soon know the truth now, Sholakh, and if she proves a charlatan, we'll use her carcass for target practice.","SHOLAKH: Oh, she knows that already - those bones of hers are shaking even as she's standing still.","(Graff moves off. Sholakh becomes aware of a guard standing oddly still.)","SHOLAKH: You!! Double up - what's keeping you??","(The guard moves past Sholakh to join the others.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","10: INT. CAVERNS","(Sitting on the boulder, Unstoffe begins to hear the clicking of the Key wand. He grabs a rock and ducks behind the boulder.)","GARRON: (O.S.) If I ain't standing in your feet, my son, this instrument has to be Japanese!","(Unstoffe gets up and runs to Garron.)","UNSTOFFE: Garron!","GARRON: Ah, there you are!","UNSTOFFE: How did you find me?","GARRON: Ah, the wonders of modern technology, my boy - this remarkable piece of equipment of a jethrik detector. In that bag, I perceive.","UNSTOFFE: Yeah. But first things first, Garron.","(Garron takes the bag.)","GARRON: Yes, exactly. You know how attached I am to that piece of jethrik.","(He shakes the bag.)","GARRON: Ahh...do I hear the chink of the Graff's gold?","UNSTOFFE: Money isn't everything, Garron.","GARRON: Who wants everything? Heh, I'll settle for 90 percent!","[SCENE_BREAK]","11: INT. CRYPT","(The Seeker is going through her little ceremony.)","SEEKER: I SEE HIM!! The one you seek is here!","GRAFF: Then lead us to him.","SEEKER: We shall not reach him. I see death standing between us.","SHOLAKH: You're wrong, witch! Death is standing right behind you!!","SEEKER: I will lead him, if that be your wish. But all but one of us is doomed to die. Thus has it been written.","[SCENE_BREAK]","12: INT. CAVERN","GARRON: Our problem now, my boy, is to find a way back!","(Garron starts to get up, but Unstoffe grabs his arm.)","UNSTOFFE: If we move from here, Binro will never find us again.","GARRON: D'ya think he'll come back for you?","UNSTOFFE: Well of course he will...after he's searched the city for you, and that'll probably take him hours.","GARRON: Well, let's hope the Graff doesn't get here first.","UNSTOFFE: There's not much chance of that - these caves stretch for miles.","GARRON: I dunno - he's press-ganged some native witch.","UNSTOFFE: What, the seeker?","GARRON: You know about her?","UNSTOFFE: Yeah, Binro told me about her. Hey, what about this Doctor and the girl? Any chance of them finding us?","GARRON: Oh, I sincerely hope not.","UNSTOFFE: Why not? I thought they'd helped you escape.","GARRON: (smirks) We were temporary allies in adversity.","UNSTOFFE: Well, where are they now?","GARRON: The girl's wandered about somewhere. The Doctor said he'd go back and keep an eye on the Graff.","UNSTOFFE: J-j-just a minute, Garron, Garron...\"wandering about\"...down here?","GARRON: Well, I imagine so. Unless she happens to have another of these little gadgets.","(Garron holds up the wand. Unstoffe takes the wand from him, disgusted.)","UNSTOFFE: You stole it from her! That's where you got it from!","(Garron takes it back.)","GARRON: Well, I relieved her of it. It seemed such a responsibility for a young girl.","UNSTOFFE: You cavalier old hypocrite. How could you??","GARRON: Well, I admit, I had a great trouble with me conscience. Fortunately, I won!","(Unstoffe drops the bag, he's so sickened.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","13: INT. CATACOMBS","(The Seeker holds a pair of bones before her, as the bodyguards, Sholakh and the Graff march behind her.)","SEEKER: (mumbling) Deeper, deeper...lead us deeper yet.","(Graff stops the guards and shoves his way to the front. Sholakh follows.)","SHOLAKH: Highness?","GRAFF: By those rocks over there - somebody moved.","SHOLAKH: (to the guards) You two - bring it over here!","(Two guards rush off-screen toward the mystery movement. They grab and bring the person forward - it's Binro.)","GRAFF: What are you doing here?!?","BINRO: Looking for fossils.","GRAFF: Fossils? Grave robbing, more like.","BINRO: I sell them sometimes. I cannot work, I am too old.","SHOLAKH: What's that in your hand??","(Sholakh moves forward and seizes the wrist speaker from Binro's hand.)","SHOLAKH: (grins) A strange fossil, Highness. (to Binro) All right, where did you get this from?","BINRO: (smiles) Found it.","SHOLAKH: I command the truth, old one, or we blast your head off!","GRAFF: Not yet.","(He pushes the group on.)","GRAFF: Bring him.","(The procession continues...)","SEEKER: Deeper, deeper.","(...the Seeker, the Graff and Sholakh, Binro, and the guards - one of whom is trailing a funny-looking scarf under and behind his cape.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","14: INT. CRYPT","(The Captain and his men haven't exactly been sitting idle. At the moment, they are hauling a primitive yet functional cannon over to the catacomb's entrance.)","CAPTAIN: That'll do.","(They position the cannon and wait. He loads in the cannonball.)","CAPTAIN: Now pack it with shot.","(They do so.)","CAPTAIN: They say none ever returns from the deep catacombs...and if any of that lot do, they won't get very far.","[SCENE_BREAK]","15: INT. CAVERN","(The Seeker leads the Graff's army into the cavern.)","SEEKER: Bones, the bones...the bones, the bones...they're ALIVE!! THE ONE YOU SEEK IS HERE!!","(The group stops.)","BINRO: This is where, Highness. I'll show you...","(Sholakh grabs at Binro as he tries to run.)","SHOLAKH: STAY!!","(Binro breaks free, runs to Unstoffe's side.)","BINRO: Unstoffe, Unstoffe...","GRAFF: KILL HIM!!","GARRON: NO, YOU FOOL, YOU FOOL!!!","(Garron lifts the guard's weapon as Binro runs up to Unstoffe - but Sholakh's staff is quicker, and the old man crashes at Unstoffe's feet.)","BINRO: Right...I w-w-was right...Unstoffe...","(Life passes out of Binro.)","GARRON: Is that Binro?","(Eyes filling with tears, Unstoffe nods.)","GARRON: Charming fellow, the little I saw of him.","(Unstoffe gets to his feet, fire in his eyes.)","UNSTOFFE: Murderers.","(Garron grabs him.)","GARRON: Now don't be a fool!! DON'T BE A FOOL!!!","UNSTOFFE: MURDERERS!!!","GARRON: UNST...","(ZZZZIINNNGGG!!! The blast hits Unstoffe's shoulder. He sinks to his knees. Garron runs up to him, throwing aside the weapon.)","GARRON: Unstoffe...","(The ground begins to rumble, shake - rocks fall from the ceiling.)","GARRON: Over here!! Hurry!!","UNSTOFFE: They never said the roof wasn't safe...","GRAFF: GUARDS!!! THE JETHRIK!!!","UNSTOFFE: Here, take it!!","GARRON: Unstoffe, NO...","(Unstoffe shoves the bag at Sholakh. Sholakh opens the bag.)","SHOLAKH: It's here, Highness - and the gold.","GRAFF: Good. When these criminals have been executed, we shall almost have settled our score here. Now, how did you escape, Garron?","GARRON: Ingenuity, Highness. Sheer ingenuity.","GRAFF: And where are the others, your two accomplices?","GARRON: (wicked grin) Not accomplices, Highness. You mean the Security agents.","GRAFF: SECURITY AGENTS?!?","GARRON: Yeah, that's the irony of it. They just arrested us for landing on a Class-3 planet and didn't even know of your presence until you made it felt!!","GRAFF: YOU LIE!!!","GARRON: Why should I bother? No Graff, their report will be with the Alliance shortly, and you'll no longer be a nobleman of the Selenic Empire and an honoured war veteran. You'll just be a common criminal like US!!!","GRAFF: STAND THEM AGAINST THAT WALL!!!!!","(The guards shove Garron and Unstoffe against the rock wall - and the Doctor, disguised in guard's clothing, sticks his dog whistle through the helmet slit into his mouth and blows.)","SHOLAKH: As a firing squad, fall in!","GARRON: Unstoffe, my son.","UNSTOFFE: what?","GARRON: I was going to make a touching speech, but my throat is too dry.","(At that moment, a Shrivenzale enters the cavern, heading straight for the group!!)","SHOLAKH: STAND FAST!! ATTACK THE BEAST!!!","[SCENE_BREAK]","16: INT. ANOTHER CAVERN","(Romana kneels by K-9, who's combing the area with his scanners.)","ROMANA: Can you locate it, K-9?","(K-9 wags his ears.)","K-9: Position determined, Mistress. This way.","(K-9 starts moving forward. Romana smiles as she follows.)","ROMANA: There's a good computer.","[SCENE_BREAK]","17: INT. CRYPT","(The Captain's men pause in their cannon-loading work as sounds of the battle reach them.)","SHRIEVE: I can hear firing!","CAPTAIN: Get back, then! Take cover!!","(The guards move away from the cannon.)","CAPTAIN: I'll close the catacombs...forever.","(The Captain grabs a candle and uses it to light the fuse...)","(BOOOMMMM!!!)","[SCENE_BREAK]","18: INT. CATACOMBS","(The effect is immediate and devastating. The entire passage collapses in a wave of rock.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","19: INT. CAVERN","SHOLAKH: BACK, HIGHNESS!! BACK!!!","(Everyone jumps for cover, screaming as rocks and boulders fall upon them. Most of the guards are crushed by the rocks. As the dust settles...)","SHOLAKH: No...no, Highness...leave me...I'm...I'm done...","(Sholakh has been pinned down by the rocks as well. Miraculously, the Seeker, it seems, has escaped injury.)","GRAFF: Not you, Sholakh! Never!!","SHOLAKH: My guts...are...flat...","GRAFF: Look, I'll get you out!! You'll be all right!","SHOLAKH: The jethrik, highness...take the jethrik.","(The Graff shouts to the Seeker.)","GRAFF: HERE, YOU HELP ME WITH MY GENERAL!!","(The Seeker gets up and waves her bones around.)","SEEKER: Too late. He is dead.","(And so he is, even as the Graff worms the jethrik out from under the rocks. The Graff looks wildly at the sole remaining guard.)","GRAFF: LEAVE US!!!","(They do. The Graff looks down at his fallen confidant and friend. He closes Sholakh's open eyes with a shaking hand.)","GRAFF: I'll avenge you, Sholakh. I'll bombard this stinking planet till it's nothing but a smoking HOLE in space!!!!","(He kisses Sholakh once. Then he hefts the jethrik and walks out into the catacombs. On the other side of the cavern, Garron and Unstoffe are trapped by rock.)","UNSTOFFE: (coughing) Come on now, Garron.","GARRON: (coughing) Oh, I'm dead already.","UNSTOFFE: Get up.","(They try, but just can't do it.)","GARRON: Oh, such lousy shots - they got me in the foot.","UNSTOFFE: You weren't shot - the roof just fell in.","GARRON: So we're buried alive. Oh Unstoffe, I don't like the options we're getting.","(Unstoffe claps Garron's shoulder.)","UNSTOFFE: Shh. Listen...","(On the other side of the boulders...)","ROMANA: Listen, K-9! There's somebody behind there! Hello, can you hear me?","(A tapping noise.)","ROMANA: There is someone! Help me move this rock, K-9!","(She strains at it.)","ROMANA: Oh, it's no good. It won't budge. Can you do anything to help, K-9?","K-9: Affirmative. Please stand clear, Mistress.","(Romana takes a few steps back. K-9 incinerates the offending boulders with his nose laser, freeing Unstoffe and Garron.)","GARRON: Oh, my dear, ha ha! Oh, there you are!! I've been looking for you everywhere! You...ahem...dropped this.","(He hands her the wand as she helps them over the melted boulders.)","ROMANA: Into your hand, yes. Let's go, shall we?","[SCENE_BREAK]","20: INT. CATACOMBS","(The Graff has joined the guard and the Seeker at the half-buried catacombs, wielding a staff in hand.)","GRAFF: I'm going to blow up these caves behind us.","SEEKER: (shocked) What are you doing, alien? The Ice Gods...","GRAFF: SILENCE!!! These caves will not shelter your scum from my missiles. Now, you made a prophecy, old woman - what was it?","SEEKER: \"All but one doomed to die. Thus written.\"","(The Graff sticks his staff in the old woman's face)","GRAFF: THEN DIE NOW!!","(He fires, at point blank range. The guard starts to move as the corpse crashes down, and the Graff spins the staff to face him. The Graff laughs nervously, and puts his staff away.)","GRAFF: No, not you soldier. I have a far more honourable purpose for you. So you're the last of my guards, eh? The last of my Levithian invincibles. All the rest are dead, even Sholakh. (catches his breath) Were you with me on Skaan, soldier?","GUARD: (with the unmistakable voice of the Doctor) No, sir.","GRAFF: So many battles: Skaan, the freighter's labyrinth, Krestus Minor - now THERE was a fight! I remember Sholakh planting my standard in the very heart of the Krestan general! So many battles...so many years...but over now.","(He's clearly losing it.)","GRAFF: All but one of us doomed to die, soldier. Thus...has it been written.","(He pulls out a small grey box. He sets some controls, and it starts beeping. He hands it over to the Doctor-guard.)","GRAFF: There is no greater honour, soldier, then to surrender your life in the service of the Graff Vynda-K.","(He hugs the Doctor tightly, then turns to walk up the passage. He pauses, looking at the guard one last time.)","GRAFF: All but one of us...","(He becomes aware of the noises, from outside and above. Horses whinnying. People shouting. Or is he imagining it?)","GRAFF: Sholakh...SHOLAKH...SHOLAKH!!!! TO ME, TO ME!!!! CHARGE!!!! ONWARDS!!!! ONWARDS!!!!","(He continues through the half-destroyed passage, screaming and raving, accompanied only by delusions and ghosts.)","DOCTOR: 3...2...1.","(BOOOOMM!!!)","(Graff Vynda-K blows apart off-screen. The Doctor bows his head (which makes his helmet fall off). He sighs and lifts what's in his hand - not the bomb the Graff gave him, but the glowing blue jethrik - the first segment of the Key to Time.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","21: EXT. CASTLE FOYER - SOON THEREAFTER","(The Doctor, now in his (ab)normal regalia, is on his way to the TARDIS with Romana and K-9 in tow. Garron and Unstoffe (his shot arm in a sling) follow to see them off.)","DOCTOR: 4 o'clock and all's well. Goodbye, Garron!","GARRON: Doctor...","DOCTOR: Yes?","GARRON: Doctor, I...I still don't understand.","DOCTOR: What don't you understand, Garron? Go on, ask me something. What is it don't you understand? Who came first, the chicken or the egg? Go on, ask me something, ask me something.","GARRON: (laughs) Look, how did you manage to switch the jethrik for the thermite pack without the Graff noticing?","DOCTOR: Garron...I would've thought you'd have known that.","(He waves his hands around.)","DOCTOR: Sleight of hand!","(The two laugh again.)","GARRON: Oh.","DOCTOR: I was trained by Mescaline.","ROMANA: (cool) Quite clever, really.","(The Doctor's mood deflates instantly.)","DOCTOR: I do dislike faint praise. It was astoundingly clever, wasn't it Garron?","GARRON: Indeed it was, Doctor. Oh, Doctor...?","DOCTOR: Yes?","GARRON: A favour to beg. You think I might just...handle the jethrik once more? Please? For old time's sake, you know?","(Romana's look says \"Don't trust him.\" The Doctor digs around in his pocket anyway, and hands it to him.)","GARRON: Oh, it's lovely, isn't it? I'm so reluctant to part with it...oh, dear me.","(He hands it back.)","GARRON: Oh well, there you are Doctor. Thank you very much.","(They hug.)","DOCTOR: Goodbye, Garron.","GARRON: Oh, goodbye Doctor.","DOCTOR: (laughs, to Unstoffe) What's your name?","UNSTOFFE: Unstoffe.","DOCTOR: Goodbye, Unstoffe.","UNSTOFFE: Goodbye, Doctor.","(The Doctor breaks the hug and goes into the TARDIS. Romana starts to follow.)","K-9: Mistress!!","(The little dog is rolling up to the TARDIS as fast as he can.)","ROMANA: Come along, K-9. (to the two thieves) Goodbye.","GARRON and UNSTOFFE: Goodbye.","(K-9 finally makes it in, and Romana shuts the door.)","UNSTOFFE: I think, Garron, we HAVE to go straight now.","(Garron puts an arm around him.)","GARRON: Oh, come, my boy. Don't be downhearted, eh? We haven't done too badly.","UNSTOFFE: Haven't done too badly? W-we've lost the jethrik, and we've come out of this without a penny.","GARRON: Oh, don't forget that there's a Graff ship - stuffed with 18 years of loot.","(Unstoffe brightens up immediately.)","UNSTOFFE: You crafty old...","(A moaning and wheezing sound interrupts him. Both pairs of eyes turn to the TARDIS, which does its famous disappearing act before them.)","UNSTOFFE: That's a queer take-off.","GARRON: Well, thank goodness he's gone. I was afraid he'd notice.","UNSTOFFE: Notice what?","GARRON: We haven't lost the jethrik. I switched it for a piece of ordinary stone.","(They laugh.)","GARRON: Yeah, I did! Look!","(He pulls it out from his pocket - a piece of ordinary stone. Shaking, he squeezes Unstoffe's hurt shoulder painfully.)","GARRON: He switched it back again!! Oh, Unstoffe...is there NOBODY you can trust these days?","[SCENE_BREAK]","22: INT. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM","(Romana gingerly places the glowing blue jethrik on a table. Slowly, carefully, the Doctor prepares to touch the jethrik with the tip of the Key wand.)","DOCTOR: Would you like to do it? Here.","(He hands her the wand.)","ROMANA: Well...perhaps you'd better do it, Doctor.","(She hands it back.)","DOCTOR: All right...no, you do it. Go on, you do it. I'll just stand here and watch.","(He hands it to her again.)","ROMANA: (cringes) Right...","(She slowly lowers the wand...the tip touches the jethrik...the jethrik begins to glow and hum...and presto!! An irregular crystal block now replaces the jethrik on the table. Romana sighs and picks it up.)","DOCTOR: The first segment.","(He takes it.)","DOCTOR: Simple, wasn't it? Only five more to go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cue Doctor Who theme playing over energy whirlpool."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"16x04","Episode Title":"The Ribos Operation - part 4","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_16x05.json","Recap":["In seeking the second segment of the Key to Time, the TARDIS heads for an icy world but lands on a populated planet that shouldn't be there."],"Transcript":["THE PIRATE PLANET","BY: DOUGLAS ADAMS","Part One","Running time: 25:05","[SCENE_BREAK]","CAPTAIN: Mister Fibuli! Mister Fibuli! By all the x-ray storms of Vega, where is that nincompoop?","TANNOY: Calling Mister Fibuli. Mister Fibuli required on the bridge immediately.","CAPTAIN: Moons of madness, why am I encumbered with incompetents?","FIBULI: Captain, sir.","CAPTAIN: Your report, Mister Fibuli.","FIBULI: Yes, sir. I have it.","CAPTAIN: Is thirty seconds late.","FIBULI: Yes, sir.","CAPTAIN: My qualities are many, Mister Fibuli.","FIBULI: Oh, yes, sir. I","CAPTAIN: But an infinite capacity for patience is not amongst them.","FIBULI: I apologise most abjectly, Captain, but I do have good news, sir.","CAPTAIN: I hope you do.","FIBULI: Well, sir, all deposits of the minerals voolium, galdrium and assetenite four five five have now been mines, processed and stored, sir. Good quantities of aluminas, the usual, sir. Carbon isotopes, etcetera, etcetera. And the residue has been processed","CAPTAIN: In the normal way.","FIBULI: Way. Here is a list of the minerals, sir.","CAPTAIN: Pah! Baubles. Baubles! Dross and baubles! We must find vasilium. We must find madranite one five.","FIBULI: Well, sir, we have located a new source.","CAPTAIN: Excellent. Excellent.","FIBULI: That's what caused the delay, Captain. We wanted to be absolutely certain. It's in an unexpected sector. Here, let me show you this chart.","CAPTAIN: We'll mine it. Make immediate preparations.","FIBULI: Well, there is something rather curious, Captain. Here is a detailed description of the sector.","CAPTAIN: I said we'll mine it, Mister Fibuli!","FIBULI: But sir","CAPTAIN: Make immediate preparations now or I'll have your bones bleached. Is that clear?","FIBULI: Aye, aye, Captain. Thank you, sir.","CAPTAIN: Hear this. Now hear this. This is your Captain speaking.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CAPTAIN (OOV.): Citizens, prepare yourselves. Watch for the omens. I declare a new golden age of prosperity for all.","CITIZENS: Hooray!","CAPTAIN (OOV.): I say again, I declare the dawning of a new golden age of prosperity.","CITIZENS: Hooray!","CAPTAIN: Watch for the omens.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CAPTAIN (OOV.): The mines will once again be full of riches.","CITIZENS: Hooray.","CAPTAIN (OOV.): Richer jewels.","CITIZENS: Hooray!","CAPTAIN: Finer clothes.","CITIZENS: Hooray!","CAPTAIN: Food in greater abundance.","CITIZENS: Hooray!","CAPTAIN: Wealth beyond the dreams of avarice will be yours.","CITIZENS: Hooray!","MENTIAD: Brothers, are we agreed?","BROTHERS: Oh yes.","MENTIAD: We have found another. Brothers, the days grow dark. The time of evil is once more come. We must prepare.","BROTHERS: We must prepare.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: There you are, K9. The first segment of the Key to Time. A job well done.","K9: Correction, master. A job well done to the extent of naught point one six six six six six","DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes. The others will be easy. A piece of cake.","K9: Piece of cake, master?","DOCTOR: Mmm.","K9: Piece of cake. Radial segment of baked confection. Coefficient and relevance to the Key of Time, zero.","DOCTOR: That's what I said, K9. Piece of cake.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Good morrow, Romana. That looks interesting.","ROMANA: Good morning, Doctor.","DOCTOR: What are you reading?","ROMANA: Oh, just familiarising myself with the technical details of this capsule.","DOCTOR: Capsule? What kind of a word is that? If you mean TARDIS, why don't you say TARDIS?","ROMANA: The Type Forty capsule wasn't on the main syllabus, you see.","DOCTOR: Not on the syllabus. I don't know what the Academy's coming to these days.","ROMANA: Veteran and vintage vehicles was an optional extra. I preferred something more interesting.","DOCTOR: Really? Like what?","ROMANA: Oh, the lifecycle of the Gallifreyan flutterwing.","DOCTOR: Now you're being frivolous.","ROMANA: I wouldn't dream of it.","DOCTOR: Oh, no!","ROMANA: What?","DOCTOR: How paralysingly dull, boring and tedious.","ROMANA: Oh, our next destination?","DOCTOR: Yes. Calufrax.","ROMANA: Calufrax?","DOCTOR: Yes. Mean little planet. Still. Listen, why don't you watch while I set the coordinate on this vintage veteran of mine? Maybe you'll learn something.","ROMANA: Right. Er, Doctor?","DOCTOR: Hmm?","ROMANA: What about the synchronic feedback checking circuit?","DOCTOR: What about it?","ROMANA: Aren't you going to set it?","DOCTOR: No, no, no. I never bother about that. Complete waste of time.","ROMANA: Oh. According to the manual, it's essential.","DOCTOR: Listen, have you any idea how long I've been operating this TARDIS?","ROMANA: Five hundred and twenty three years.","DOCTOR: Right! Is it really that long? My, how time flies.","ROMANA: Hasn't it. And the multiloop stabiliser?","DOCTOR: What?","ROMANA: Multiloop stabiliser. It says here, on any capsule it will be found impossible to effect a smooth materialisation without first activating the multiloop stabiliser.","DOCTOR: Oh. Absolute rubbish.","DOCTOR: Now, I'll show you a really smooth materialisation without a multiloop anything. Watch this. Calufrax, here we come.","ROMANA: What's happening?","DOCTOR: She won't materialise.","K9: Danger, master, danger.","DOCTOR: Of course, K9, of course. Ow!","ROMANA: Something wrong?","DOCTOR: No, no, no, no. Nothing at all.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CAPTAIN: Imbeciles! Fools! Thrice worse than incompetent idiots! What pernicious injury have you inflicted on my precious engines! Mister Fibuli!","FIBULI: Captain.","CAPTAIN: Are you trying to scuttle this planet?","FIBULI: No, sir. I've run a quick inspection, sir, and the, er, the actual damage isn't as bad as we","CAPTAIN: Do not trifle with me, Mister Fibuli. What happened?","FIBULI: As far as we can tell, sir, some freak local disturbance, probably electromagnetic.","CAPTAIN: What?","FIBULI: It passed very quickly.","CAPTAIN: Idle prattlings, Mister Fibuli. I will know the truth!","CAPTAIN: Oscilloscope readings. There, Mister Fibuli, there's your local electromagnetic disturbance. What do you make of those readings?","FIBULI: That's extraordinary.","CAPTAIN: See? For ten seconds the entire fabric of the space time continuum was ripped apart. Panaccenteration readings, critical overload, every system jammed solid. Gravity dilation readings. There, Mister Fibuli. Can you explain those figures?","FIBULI: Not off the top of my head, sir.","CAPTAIN: No? And why not? Because for ten seconds the whole infrastructure of quantum physics was in retreat. Find out what happened, Mister Fibuli, and find out fast, or by all the fires of night, I'll have that skull off you!","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Not so. I am perfectly capable of admitting when I am wrong.","ROMANA: Oh.","DOCTOR: Yes. Only this time I wasn't. There was definitely something out there jamming our materialisation field.","ROMANA: Oh, that's what it was.","DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, that's what it was. Yes. Whatever it was, it wasn't a multiloop whatsit or anything else to do with that manual.","ROMANA: No, of course not. May I try?","DOCTOR: What, by the book?","ROMANA: Yes.","DOCTOR: Yes, all right, all right. You do it your way.","ROMANA: Thank you, Doctor.","DOCTOR: You'll see. There's definitely something out there jamming our materialisation field.","ROMANA: Right. Synchronic feedback.","DOCTOR: Won't make a scrap of difference.","ROMANA: We'll see. Multiloop stabiliser.","DOCTOR: Look out, K9. Hold on.","ROMANA: Now.","ROMANA: Well?","DOCTOR: Good.","ROMANA: Thank you, Doctor.","DOCTOR: That was very, very good. Wasn't that good, K9?","K9: Very, very, very good, master.","DOCTOR: Oh, terribly good. Listen, I think she's going to be all right. Very all right.","K9: Very, very all right.","ROMANA: Shall we have a look at Calufrax now?","DOCTOR: Oh, all right then. Let's get it over with. Horrible place. Cold, wet, icy. No life of any sort. Boring.","ROMANA: It looks very pleasant to me.","DOCTOR: What? Calufrax? You have made an enormous mistake. You've probably, you've probably missed it by a couple of million light years!","DOCTOR: I wonder what's biting him?","[SCENE_BREAK]","BROTHERS: Life force dying. Life force dying.","BROTHERS: Life force dying. Life force dying. Life force dying. Life force dying. Life force dying. Life force dying!","[SCENE_BREAK]","BALATON: Calm yourself, Pralix. You must calm yourself.","MULA: He's much worse than last time, Grandfather. Pralix, can't you hear us? Tell us what's wrong.","BALATON: It is a mistake to ask too many questions.","MULA: That's your answer to everything, isn't it?","BALATON: I have no need for answers, for all I ask is a quiet life. Pralix, Pralix, you must calm yourself. Calm yourself.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: That's strange.","ROMANA: Well?","DOCTOR: Can't be right. It is right. But it can't be, can it?","ROMANA: Have you decided where we are, Doctor?","DOCTOR: Well, according to these space time coordinates, we have arrived at precisely the right point in space at precisely the right time.","ROMANA: Yes, I know.","DOCTOR: But to the wrong planet.","ROMANA: What?","DOCTOR: This isn't Calufrax.","ROMANA: Then where are we?","DOCTOR: I haven't got the faintest idea. All I do know is that this planet wasn't here when I tried to land.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BALATON: People will hear. Oh dear, I'm sure people can hear.","MULA: Grandfather, Pralix is very ill and all you can think about is what will happen if the neighbours hear.","BALATON: You know very well what will happen.","MULA: Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?","BALATON: Oh, Mula, don't spoil everything by asking so many questions. I think I'm going to lose one grandchild already. Please don't let it be both of you. Just settle down and enjoy what life gives you so freely.","MULA: Listen, someone's coming.","BALATON: Quickly, the curtains.","KIMUS: Balaton?","MULA: Kimus! Thank goodness it's only you.","KIMUS: Only me? What's wrong with him?","MULA: We thought that","KIMUS: What?","MULA: Never mind.","KIMUS: Pralix.","PRALIX (OOV.): Life force is dying. Life force dying. Life force dying!","[SCENE_BREAK]","KIMUS: Again?","[SCENE_BREAK]","MENTIAD: We have an intruder. And wait, there is another. We must act. Act at once.","[SCENE_BREAK]","ROMANA: Uninhabited, ice-coated planet?","DOCTOR: Yes.","ROMANA: Well, we've certainly come to the right place. The signal's coming from everywhere.","DOCTOR: Never trust gimmicky gadgets.","K9: Sentient life form approaching.","ROMANA: What?","DOCTOR: It's all right. It just means someone's coming.","ROMANA: I know what it means. Excuse me.","DOCTOR: No, no, excuse me. I'll do it.","DOCTOR: Excuse me. Would you take me to your leader? What we'd like to know, you see, is what planet?","DOCTOR: Halt! What we","DOCTOR: You're not doing very well, K9.","K9: Master?","DOCTOR: No.","K9: Suggestion, master.","DOCTOR: What?","K9: Suggest you allow mistress to make contact.","DOCTOR: Nonsense! Making contact with an alien race is an immensely skilled and delicate operation. It calls for tact and experience. What would she know about it?","ROMANA: Hello. Excuse me.","MAN: Yes?","K9: She is prettier than you, master.","DOCTOR: Is she? What's that got to do with it.","MAN: It's a new golden age, you see. A golden age of prosperity. I must say, I still get very excited about it all. I know we have them rather often now, but that's because of the Captain's great goodness, you see.","DOCTOR: Excuse me.","ROMANA: Just a minute. The Captain?","MAN: Oh, yes. It's the Captain who does it all for us, and it really was spectacular this time. The omens. The skies shook with lightning. We are going to be very rich. Very, very rich.","ROMANA: What, just like that? Because of lights in the sky?","MAN: Oh, yes. That's the way it always happens. Here, have some diamonds. And yes, I've got a ruby. Suit a pretty girl like you.","ROMANA: Oh! Thank you very much.","DOCTOR: Excuse me.","ROMANA: Would you like some jelly babies?","DOCTOR: Thank you very much. Excuse me.","MAN: What are they?","DOCTOR: Sweets. You eat them. Go on.","MAN: Oh, thank you. (he takes four) Well, I'll be late for the feasts. Nice to meet you. Watch out for the Mentiads.","ROMANA: The who?","DOCTOR: Er, excuse me! What I'd like to know. Where did you get those jelly babies?","ROMANA: Same place you get them.","DOCTOR: Where?","ROMANA: Your pocket.","DOCTOR: Look, good looks are no substitute for a sound character. Did he say anything about omens?","ROMANA: Omens in the sky.","DOCTOR: Really?","GUARD: Where did you get those?","MAN: Er, back there, sir.","DOCTOR: I think that these stones are genuine. What do you think, K9?","K9: Affirmative, master. The clear ones are the diamonds and the red ones are the rubies.","DOCTOR: Oh, thank you very much. And what colour are the amethysts?","K9: Purple, master.","DOCTOR: Affirmative.","DOCTOR: Extraordinary. The place is littered with them. Diamonds, Andromedan bloodstones, gravel, more diamonds. Don't they have street sweepers here?","ROMANA: Well, perhaps these stones aren't valuable here, Doctor.","DOCTOR: Diamonds and rubies not valuable?","ROMANA: What's this?","K9: Oolian, mistress.","ROMANA: Oolian?","DOCTOR: Oolian?","K9: Affirmative.","DOCTOR: Oolian? Now that is rare. That's one of the most precious stones in the galaxy. It only occurs naturally in two places that I know of. Qualactin and Bandraginus Five. Bandraginus Five? Where have I heard that mentioned recently?","ROMANA: It's beautiful.","DOCTOR: Yeah, hold it up to the light. People have murdered for that beauty, ravaged empires for it, and lying in the streets exactly where I wasn't expecting to find it. I wonder where Calufrax got to?","[SCENE_BREAK]","MULA: Poor Pralix. Why? What does it all mean?","BALATON: Why should it mean anything? It's just the way life is. Accept it.","KIMUS: Oh yes, we can have anything we want, can't we, apart from the freedom to think for ourselves. I'd like to know what I'm accepting, old man.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BALATON: I remember when I was a lad. Now things were very different then. You think you have no freedom now? You ought to have been here under old Queen Xanxia.","MULA: Shush, both of you. Think of poor Pralix. He must have quietness.","KIMUS: Why? We've all been quiet for too long, and for what?","[SCENE_BREAK]","KIMUS: Pretty clothes? Pockets full of useless trinkets? That isn't what life ought to be about.","BALATON: Kimus, you are a dangerous fool. Don't listen to him, Mula. If you love your brother, you must shelter him, hide him, protect him from the Mentiads. Remember what happened to your father.","MULA: My father didn't fall into the hands of the Mentiads.","BALATON: No.","MULA: He was shot by the Captain's guards.","BALATON: To save him from the Mentiads. At least he died a clean death. It was an act of mercy by the Captain.","KIMUS: Oh well, thank you, O merciful Captain, for so kindly having Mula's father shot down in the street like a dog.","BALATON: Listen, Kimus, let me tell you this. I would cheerfully strangle Pralix with my own hands to save him from those, those","[SCENE_BREAK]","MENTIAD: Brothers, the Vigil of Evil is accomplished. The one called Pralix must be harvested. The Time of Knowing shall be soon, and fast upon that shall follow the Time of Vengeance. Vengeance for the crimes of Zanak!","BROTHERS: Vengeance for the crimes of Zanak.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Excuse me, have you seen Calufrax?","DOCTOR: It's sort of planet, about fourteen thousand kilometres across, oblate spheroid.","DOCTOR: Excuse me, I'm looking for a planet called Calufrax.","DOCTOR: It's about fourteen thousand kilometres across, it's an oblate spheroid and it's covered in ice. Excuse me, excuse me. Has anybody seen a planet called Calufrax? Funny, nobody's seen it.","PRALIX (OOV.): The life force is dead! The life force is dead!","DOCTOR: Well, someone's around, anyway.","PRALIX (OOV.): We're all murderers! Murderers!","ROMANA: It came from over there.","DOCTOR: Over there? You stay here. I'll go and see.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BALATON: We're done for! They must be nearly here! They'll take him as they tried to take your father!","MULA: We must hide him.","KIMUS: We can't hide him forever.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Excuse me, are you sure this planet's meant to be here?","[SCENE_BREAK]","GUARD: This is a forbidden object.","ROMANA: Why?","GUARD: That is a forbidden question. You are a stranger?","ROMANA: Well, yes.","GUARD: Strangers are forbidden.","ROMANA: I did come with the Doctor.","GUARD: Who is","ROMANA: Ah, now, don't tell me. Doctors are forbidden as well.","GUARD: You are under arrest. Come.","ROMANA: No, K9, you mustn't.","GUARD: What did you say?","ROMANA: What I said was, no K9, you mustn't (pause) fetch the Doctor.","GUARD: You're mad. Move.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CAPTAIN: We're surrounded by incompetents, you and I. Incompetents and fools. You're my only true friend. Never mind. Not long now. Not long now before it's finished and we'll be free.","FIBULI: Captain! Captain, sir.","CAPTAIN: Speak!","FIBULI: The Mentiads are marching, sir.","CAPTAIN: Vultures of death! Ghouls!","FIBULI: They must have located another rogue telepath. Channel twenty one, sir. Sector five.","CAPTAIN: Sector five. The Mentiads are heading towards sector five. The telepath must not be taken. Find him and destroy him, or by all the suns that blaze, I'll tear you apart, molecule from molecule.","CAPTAIN: Idiot! Brainless fool! All guards, the Mentiads are heading towards sector six. Find the telepath. Find him and destroy him!","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: He's in a state of shock.","MULA: He does this every time the Captain announces a new golden age of prosperity.","DOCTOR: What, every time?","MULA: Well, the last two or three times, yes.","DOCTOR: Hmm. Tell me about this Captain. Pleasant sort of chap, is he?","MULA: We've never seen him.","BALATON: But he is great and good. He looks after us and makes us rich.","KIMUS: Huh. He makes us his fools.","DOCTOR: Really? That's a very interesting observation.","PRALIX: The Mentiads!","DOCTOR: Mentiads? I've heard that somewhere before.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CAPTAIN: Find him! Find him! Find him and destroy him! Search sector six.","FIBULI: Er, seven.","CAPTAIN: Search sector seven.","CAPTAIN: What the planet's bane is that?","CAPTAIN: Search that house.","[SCENE_BREAK]","K9: Master.","BALATON: Save us! Captain, save us!","KIMUS: What is it?","DOCTOR: No, no, no, it's all right. It's all right, it's a friend of mine. Aren't you a friend of mine, K9?","K9: Affirmative, master. Friend.","DOCTOR: Now then, tell me about the Mentiads.","BALATON: They are evil zombies. They have terrible powers.","K9: Master.","PRALIX: Mentiads! They're coming.","K9: Mistress is in danger.","DOCTOR: Pralix, what do the Mentiads want of you? What is it?","MULA: Kimus! Kimus!","GUARD: That's him. Shoot!","DOCTOR: How long have you stunned them for, K9?","K9: Indefinitely, master.","DOCTOR: Good, good. Evil zombies? Terrible powers?","KIMUS: They're not Mentiads. They were the Captain's guards.","PRALIX: The Mentiads!","DOCTOR: Pralix. Pralix, what is it?","BALATON: We must hide him. We must hide him. They must be nearly here. Oh, the Captain's way was better.","MULA: Listen, they're coming. There's no way we can hide him.","KIMUS: No, you're cowards, both of you. We must fight.","DOCTOR: Pralix, can you hear my voice?","KIMUS: We're not going to be pampered frightened vegetables any more. We've got friends now.","DOCTOR: Pralix. Pralix, can you hear my voice? What is it? Hello? Hello. Are you by any chance the Mentiads? Well, it's just that you look like Mentiads to me.","DOCTOR: You see, what I thought was that er..."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"16x05","Episode Title":"The Pirate Planet - part 1","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_20x10.json","Recap":["The Doctor is stranded on Earth in 1983 while Tegan and Nyssa are looking for him in 1977. Tegan and Nyssa encounter a injured man they believe to be the doctor. Both the Doctor And Tegan and Nyssa encounter Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart who seems to have no memory of The Doctor."],"Transcript":["MAWDRYN UNDEAD","BY: PETER GRIMWADE","Part Two","First Air Date: 2 February 1983","Running time: 24:33","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Done it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","TEGAN: Here we go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Well, that shouldn't have happened.","TURLOUGH: What's happened? Could it have been affected by tangential deviation coming out of the warp ellipse?","DOCTOR: Not with the dead reckoning alignment in the coordinates. This is 1983?","TURLOUGH: Yes.","DOCTOR: Then it should be here.","TURLOUGH: But as it isn't, where's it gone?","[SCENE_BREAK]","TEGAN: Where's the Doctor? Nyssa, are you sure this is the right place?","NYSSA: It should be.","TEGAN: Something's wrong, isn't it.","NYSSA: I don't know. I'm sure the Doctor's only wandered off.","[SCENE_BREAK]","TURLOUGH: Will your friends be safe?","DOCTOR: I hope so. Now, what did I do wrong?","TURLOUGH: What do I do now? Say something!","BRIGADIER: Turlough!","[SCENE_BREAK]","NYSSA: Doctor? Doctor?","TEGAN: There's no one here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BRIGADIER: Ah, so there you are, Turlough.","TURLOUGH: Sir.","IBBOTSON: What happened? The sphere","BRIGADIER: Oh do be quiet, boy. You're supposed to be in the sickbay.","TURLOUGH: I was with the Doctor.","BRIGADIER: Doctor? What, Doctor Runciman?","TURLOUGH: No, sir. This Doctor.","DOCTOR: Brigadier. Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge Stewart.","BRIGADIER: Well, who are you?","[SCENE_BREAK]","TEGAN: Down there in the valley.","NYSSA: I think I saw someone move.","TEGAN: It can't be the Doctor. There hasn't been time enough for him to get that far. Maybe the capsule's malfunctioned? I hate those transmat things. Like travelling in a food mixer, and just as dangerous. I'd be afraid of coming out pureed.","NYSSA: Look.","[SCENE_BREAK]","TEGAN: Doctor! Look at the state he's in. What are we going to do?","NYSSA: Tegan, we mustn't panic.","TEGAN: He could die. Doctor, what happened?","MAWDRYN: Where am I?","NYSSA: You're on Earth, Doctor. You came in the transmat capsule.","MAWDRYN: Earth?","TEGAN: We followed you through in the TARDIS. Do you remember?","MAWDRYN: TARDIS?","NYSSA: It's outside. Let me help you.","MAWDRYN: TARDIS.","NYSSA: Doctor.","MAWDRYN: Help me. Help me into the TARDIS.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BRIGADIER: Well, I'm sorry. If we have met before, it's entirely slipped my memory, and I've got to get these boys back to school. Come on, you two.","[SCENE_BREAK]","TEGAN: I'll get some clothes for him.","NYSSA: Don't you think we should get him into a bed?","TEGAN: It's too risky to move him again. Go and find some blankets. We must keep him warm.","TEGAN: It's all right, Doctor. You're safe inside the TARDIS.","[SCENE_BREAK]","HEADMASTER (OOV.): Come in.","DOCTOR: Brigadier?","BRIGADIER: Oh, it's you.","DOCTOR: I'd forgotten.","BRIGADIER: I beg your pardon?","DOCTOR: I've regenerated.","BRIGADIER: Really.","DOCTOR: What would you say if I told you I was looking for my TARDIS?","BRIGADIER: Very little.","DOCTOR: What about our time together with UNIT?","BRIGADIER: What?","DOCTOR: So you do remember.","BRIGADIER: UNIT is a secret organisation. If you are aware of its existence, you would almost certainly have signed the Official Secrets Act.","DOCTOR: Is there somewhere we could talk?","BRIGADIER: Oh, very well. My quarters. This way.","[SCENE_BREAK]","TEGAN: I think he's unconscious.","NYSSA: Something must have happened to the capsule.","TEGAN: I told you those things were dangerous.","NYSSA: That boy!","TEGAN: Turlough. I forgot about him. Stay here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: An undercover operation, is it, Brigadier? I mean, I hardly expected to find you at a boy's school.","BRIGADIER: Huh.","[SCENE_BREAK]","MAWDRYN: Stability not achieved. Our transmat projection was destructive. Stability not achieved. No end.","NYSSA: You're safe now, Doctor.","TEGAN: No sign of Turlough.","NYSSA: He could have been atomised.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BRIGADIER: There you are.","DOCTOR: Your quarters?","BRIGADIER: Serviceable.","DOCTOR: Quite.","BRIGADIER: Well. Here we go.","BRIGADIER (OOV.): Sorry about the door.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BRIGADIER: Do go in.","BRIGADIER: Now then, what's all this about UNIT?","DOCTOR: Brigadier, I need your help. I've lost the TARDIS.","BRIGADIER: I don't know what the TARDIS is. I've already told you.","DOCTOR: And you don't remember me?","BRIGADIER: Certainly not. But whoever you are, I can't let you wander around blabbing about classified UNIT operations.","DOCTOR: Oh, there's much more at stake than a breach of security. I've lost my TARDIS, you've lost your memory. I'd be surprised if the two events weren't connected.","BRIGADIER: Let me tell you, sir, that I'm in full possession of all my faculties. After all, if I was suffering from amnesia, I'd be the first to know about it, wouldn't I?","[SCENE_BREAK]","TEGAN: I'm going for help.","NYSSA: Where?","TEGAN: To that building we saw. Use their phone.","NYSSA: If only we still had the Zero room. Its restorative power would have helped.","TEGAN: Well, as we haven't, a hospital's the next best thing. I'm off.","NYSSA: All right. Take the homing device with you.","TEGAN: I'll be as quick as I can.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: By the way, how's Sergeant Benton these days?","BRIGADIER: Oh, left the army in 79. Sells second hand cars somewhere.","DOCTOR: And Harry Sullivan?","BRIGADIER: Seconded to NATO. Last heard of doing something very hush-hush at Porton Down.","DOCTOR: Do you ever see anything of Jo Grant?","BRIGADIER: What?","DOCTOR: My assistant, Jo Grant.","VOICE (OOV.): Jo Grant.","BRIGADIER: Jo Grant?","DOCTOR: Sarah Jane?","VOICE (OOV.): Sarah Jane.","BRIGADIER: Sarah Jane?","DOCTOR: Liz Shaw you'll remember, of course.","VOICE (OOV.): Liz Shaw.","BRIGADIER: Liz Shaw?","DOCTOR: Are you all right?","BRIGADIER: Someone just walked over my grave.","DOCTOR: Perhaps it was a yeti, Colonel Lethbridge Stewart.","DOCTOR: One lump or two, Brigadier?","BRIGADIER: Well, bless my soul. So you've done it again, Doctor.","BRIGADIER: I must apologise for my cavalier behaviour when we met, Doctor.","DOCTOR: It's hardly your fault, Brigadier.","BRIGADIER: It is good to see you. Yeah, the Doctor and the TARDIS. How could I ever forget?","DOCTOR: Exactly.","BRIGADIER: What?","DOCTOR: The mental block, there must be some reason for it. Some trauma, some shocking experience, maybe some induced effect.","BRIGADIER: I don't scare quickly, Doctor. Nor do I succumb easily to brainwashing techniques.","DOCTOR: No, no, of course not. So, if there was a way of tracing how far back the inhibition goes, you could perhaps get some treatment.","BRIGADIER: Treatment? Treatment? There's nothing wrong with me, Doctor.","DOCTOR: Well, no.","BRIGADIER: A one, always have been.","DOCTOR: Absolutely.","BRIGADIER: I suppose you've been talking behind my back with Doctor Runciman.","DOCTOR: Brigadier","BRIGADIER: Oh, there's loyalty for you. It's no good. I'm not taking my leave at the funny farm. There's nothing wrong with me, I tell you. Fit as a fiddle, always have been. Sorry about that, Doctor. Had a bit of bother a while back. Overwork, you know. Doctor Runciman called it a nervous breakdown. Breakdown. Don't know the meaning of the word. This one goes on till he drops.","DOCTOR: When did you leave UNIT, Brigadier?","BRIGADIER: Seven years ago. Oh, of course, I could have retired on my army pension, grown vegetable marrows and died of boredom in a twelve-month, then this job turned up. Bit of admin, bit of rugger, CO in the school corps.","DOCTOR: And you teach?","BRIGADIER: Mathematics. Oh, I know how many beans make five, Doctor, and you don't have to be a Time Lord to cope with A level maths. It may come as a surprise to you, but I also happen to like teaching.","[SCENE_BREAK]","TEGAN: Hey, can anyone tell me where I can find a doctor?","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Well, Brigadier, much as I appreciate your company, I've still got to find my TARDIS.","BRIGADIER: Your TARDIS. You know, Doctor, I never believed it could do half the things you claimed.","DOCTOR: Yes, well, just at the moment I'd settle for half a TARDIS, and I'm very worried about Nyssa and Tegan.","BRIGADIER: Tegan. Tegan.","DOCTOR: What's the matter?","BRIGADIER: I knew a Tegan once.","DOCTOR: Oh, Tegan's after your time, Brigadier. She's travelling with me in the TARDIS.","BRIGADIER: Attractive girl, spirited, spoke with an Australian accent.","[SCENE_BREAK]","TEGAN: Excuse me.","BRIGADIER: Oh, hello there.","TEGAN: I'm sorry to disturb you, but I'm looking for a doctor. There's been an accident. Well, sort of an accident. A friend of mine and possibly one of the boys from the school, he may be hurt too.","BRIGADIER: I think you'd better come in.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BRIGADIER: Right, sit yourself down, young lady.","TEGAN: My name's Tegan. Tegan Jovanka.","BRIGADIER: Tegan?","TEGAN: Jovanka.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: It is Tegan.","BRIGADIER: That's what I said.","DOCTOR: Your Tegan, my Tegan, it's the same person.","BRIGADIER: Of course, Doctor.","DOCTOR: So, Tegan, Nyssa and the TARDIS, they're all here.","BRIGADIER: Are they?","DOCTOR: Or rather, they were, if you see what I mean.","BRIGADIER: Not a hundred percent, Doctor.","DOCTOR: I must have miscalculated the offset. The TARDIS came through in the right place, but the wrong time zone.","BRIGADIER: You and that TARDIS.","DOCTOR: Now, it's vitally important you remember exactly what happened.","BRIGADIER: Oh look, it's all a long time ago, Doctor. I mean, surely what's past is","DOCTOR: Very much in the present, Brigadier. You never did understand the interrelation of time.","BRIGADIER: Not much call for that in the A level syllabus, Doctor.","DOCTOR: You have in your memory the information I need to track down the TARDIS and communicate with Nyssa and Tegan.","[SCENE_BREAK]","HEADMASTER: There's nothing to be afraid of, Turlough, now that you've explained everything to me.","TURLOUGH: Thank you, sir.","HEADMASTER: In fact, I'm very heartened that you felt able to confide in me like this. I must say it's a most remarkable story.","TURLOUGH: But what am I to do, sir?","HEADMASTER: It seems to me you're in something of a moral dilemma.","TURLOUGH: Sir?","HEADMASTER: You accepted a free passage home to your own people, but to fulfil your part of the bargain you have to kill this Doctor.","TURLOUGH: But I don't want to kill the Doctor.","HEADMASTER: I can see you're in a most invidious position.","TURLOUGH: Haven't I done enough to separate him from his TARDIS?","HEADMASTER: I take your point, but in your heart of hearts do you entirely feel you've completed your side of the bargain?","TURLOUGH: I suppose not.","HEADMASTER: We can't get everything we like in this world.","TURLOUGH: Oh, please help me, sir.","HEADMASTER: I'm afraid I can only put the problem in perspective for you. The final choice has got to be yours.","TURLOUGH: Well, I think I'm pulling out. The Doctor's stranded, but what's been done for me? I've been ignored. I shall try and escape in the transmat capsule. He can sort the Doctor out for himself from now on.","HEADMASTER: Is that your final decision?","TURLOUGH: Yes, sir.","HEADMASTER: Are you absolutely sure?","TURLOUGH: Yes.","GUARDIAN: Waking or sleeping, you can never escape me, Turlough.","TURLOUGH: No, please.","GUARDIAN: You see, wretched, duplicitous child, I know your every innermost thought.","TURLOUGH: Leave me alone, please!","GUARDIAN: I invade every particle of your being. You will never be free of me until our bond is honoured.","TURLOUGH: The Doctor isn't as you say.","GUARDIAN: I am the Black Guardian! The Doctor's good is my evil.","TURLOUGH: No!","GUARDIAN: You will absorb my will. You are to be consumed with my purpose.","TURLOUGH: No!","GUARDIAN: The Doctor shall be utterly destroyed.","TURLOUGH: The Doctor shall be utterly destroyed.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BRIGADIER: Turlough? I don't think we have a Turlough.","TEGAN: But you must have.","BRIGADIER: Mind you, I'd better check, because I'm a new boy here myself.","BRIGADIER: Let's see. S. T. Trevor, Trumper, Turner. Nope. No, definitely no Turlough.","TEGAN: They were travelling together when they came down on the hill.","BRIGADIER: Came down? What, do you mean a plane crash?","TEGAN: Well","BRIGADIER: Good heavens, why didn't you say so before? I'll phone the local constable. He can coordinate the rescue services.","TEGAN: Look, it's not quite like that. If we could just get some medical help and get back to the TARDIS, it'd all be","BRIGADIER: TARDIS? Did you say TARDIS?","TEGAN: Yes, but you don't understand.","BRIGADIER: I think I do, young lady. Tell me, Miss Jovanka, this friend of yours, is it by any chance the Doctor?","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: What worries me is the level of coincidence in all this. Almost as if some cosmic influence. Still, that won't get me the TARDIS back. Now, Brigadier, we've got to establish the precise time all this happened.","BRIGADIER: Well, that's a pretty tall order, Doctor.","DOCTOR: Well, don't worry. Just relax. Think yourself back.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BRIGADIER: I'll get a message to Doctor Runciman. He'll be up on top field for the bun fight.","TEGAN: Bun fight?","BRIGADIER: Yes, the celebrations. Ah, Powell. I've got a job for you.","TEGAN: What celebrations?","BRIGADIER: Well, the Queen's Silver Jubilee, of course.","BRIGADIER: Powell, get hold of Doctor Runciman and tell him to bring his gear and meet me by the Obelisk.","POWELL: Yes, sir.","TEGAN: Silver Jubilee? We're in the wrong time zone!","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: June the seventh, 1977. Well done, Brigadier. Come on.","BRIGADIER: Lethbridge Stewart. Have you informed the Headmaster? Then do so at once, Matron. Turlough has disappeared.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: He's trying to get away in the transmat capsule. That is, if he can repair the beam transmitter.","BRIGADIER: What, Turlough?","DOCTOR: It could be done, given time.","[SCENE_BREAK]","TEGAN: Spot on.","BRIGADIER: One of the Doctor's gadgets?","TEGAN: Don't want to miss the TARDIS, do we? I've just realised. The Doctor is expecting the TARDIS to follow him through to 1983. Don't you see? The wounded thing in the capsule, maybe it isn't the Doctor after all. Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Tegan is absolutely right. I am not in the TARDIS.","BRIGADIER: Then who is? Or do I mean, who was?","DOCTOR: You tell me, Brigadier.","[SCENE_BREAK]","NYSSA: Tegan, come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","NYSSA: Doctor, you're better.","MAWDRYN: Perpetual regeneration.","NYSSA: Regeneration? You don't mean it's happening again?","MAWDRYN: It is life without end or form. Changing, changing.","NYSSA: We've lost the Zero room, Doctor. Is there any way we can reconfigure","MAWDRYN: Do not be afraid on my account. I will regain strength soon, but for the moment my mind is clouded. You understand the navigation?","NYSSA: Well, a bit. At the moment we're still aligned with the ship.","MAWDRYN: Oh, that is well. Prepare to leave at once.","NYSSA: We can't leave without Tegan.","MAWDRYN: At once!","NYSSA: Doctor, you don't know what you're saying. Tegan'll be back soon.","MAWDRYN: At once!","MAWDRYN: The Time Lords abandoned us. Perpetual torment and despair. But the ending will come soon. I, Mawdryn, shall be a Time Lord.","[SCENE_BREAK]","NYSSA: Quickly! We've got to take off.","TEGAN: Nyssa, that man, I don't think he's the Doctor.","NYSSA: But he is. The transmat process induced a regeneration.","TEGAN: What?","BRIGADIER: Don't worry. I know all about regeneration. I've seen it twice before. Come on.","NYSSA: So have we, and the Doctor almost died. Who is that person?","TEGAN: Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart, of course. Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BRIGADIER: Doctor?"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"20x10","Episode Title":"Mawdryn Undead - part 2","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_22x03.json","Recap":["After having power supply problems with the TARDIS, the Doctor and Peri land on the planet Varos where their leaders are punished by the citizens on National television when they are displeased with the leaders actions. The Doctor quickly becomes a fugitive."],"Transcript":["VENGEANCE ON VAROS","BY: PHILIP MARTIN","Part One","Running time: 44:42","[SCENE_BREAK]","ARAK: Not him again.","ETTA: Yeah.","ARAK: ComDiv must be running short of people to laserise.","ETTA: Yeah.","ARAK: Rubbish. He's not hurt, he's only acting.","ETTA: Never.","ARAK: Is this all?","ETTA: It's what they sent.","ARAK: How can I work, dig on this? It's not enough to fill a clinker-mole's belly, let alone a working man's.","ETTA: There's shortages, maybe more to come.","ETTA: Governor's punch-in vote tonight.","ARAK: Voting, voting. This Governor calls a punch-in every time he wants to change his trousers. The sooner he gets ruled out, the better.","ETTA: What would the next one do different?","ARAK: Everything. Anything. What is this I'm eating, Etta?","ETTA: How should I know? I just get it out the dispenser. It didn't have a label on it.","ARAK: Get off. I want to chuck it at the screen when your beloved Sir Governor begs my vote.","ETTA: Attacking ComTec property can bring loss of viewing rights. Way you're thinking, you'll be in that one's place. I'd like to see how far you get in the Dome of Punishment. You'd not even survive the first distort section.","ARAK: Marriage to you prepares me to survive anything. Why have they stopped? Oh, it's pathetic. When did they last show something worth watching, eh? When did we last see a decent execution.","ETTA: Last week.","ARAK: What?","ETTA: The blind man.","ARAK: That was a repeat.","ETTA: It wasn't. You're thinking of that infiltrator. He wasn't blind. Not at the beginning, anyway.","ARAK: Yes, he was. I'm going to sleep, anyway.","ETTA: Can't. You've got to vote.","ARAK: Do it for me.","ETTA: Do you want PolCorps calling here? Do you, Arak?","ARAK: How would they know it wasn't me voting?","ETTA: I'd tell 'em.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: That's it.","PERI: I don't believe it.","DOCTOR: I haven't told you what I've done, yet.","PERI: You sound confident. I don't want to know.","DOCTOR: What is the matter with you?","PERI: Every time you sound confident nowadays, something terrible seems to happen.","DOCTOR: Does it? What do you mean?","PERI: Well, since we left Telos, you've caused three electrical fires, a total power failure, and a near collision with a storm of asteroids. Not only that, you've twice managed to get yourself lost in the TARDIS corridors, wiped the memory of the flight computer and jettisoned three quarters of the storage hold. You even managed to burn dinner last night.","DOCTOR: I have never said I was perfect.","PERI: If you recall, last night I was supposed to have a cold supper.","DOCTOR: That was an unfortunate accident.","PERI: Before each and every unfortunate accident, you've said in a loud, confident voice, that's it. And to be honest, Doc, I am getting tired of clearing up the mess and being thrown around the TARDIS like the teddy bear of some psychotic baby.","DOCTOR: Have you finished, Perpugilliam?","PERI: For the moment.","DOCTOR: It's a good thing I like you.","PERI: Right now, the feeling isn't mutual.","DOCTOR: What more do you want? I've cleared up as you requested. I've stabilised the chameleon circuit.","PERI: So now what will we materialise as?","DOCTOR: A police box. I think.","PERI: Well, better than a pyramid or Nelson's column.","DOCTOR: We have never materialised as Nelson's column!","PERI: We did as a pyramid. On the frozen plains of Ewa Nine, remember?","DOCTOR: It's a good thing I'm a tolerant man, because sometimes you push me too far.","PERI: You're the most inconsistent and intolerant man I've ever met.","DOCTOR: Intolerant?","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Intolerant?","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Intolerant? Me?","PERI: Then why are you shouting?","DOCTOR: Because","DOCTOR: There's something wrong.","PERI: What?","DOCTOR: Shush. There's something amiss in the power transmission system.","PERI: Still? After all the work you've done?","DOCTOR: It's the one area I didn't check.","PERI: Oh, great. Aren't there emergency power circuits or something?","DOCTOR: It seems that function is about to become defunct too.","PERI: Terrific.","DOCTOR: The problem is, Peri, we are faced with a conundrum wrapped up in a dilemma.","PERI: What exactly does that mean?","DOCTOR: We could very well be stuck in a limbo of space and time.","PERI: For how long?","DOCTOR: Eternity.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SIL: You're a reasonable man. Lower the price of your commodity a little, please.","GOVERNOR: My people deserve fair prices for the Zeiton-7 ore.","SIL: Who else will buy from you if my corporation withdraws its contract?","GOVERNOR: We shall have to find other outlets, I should think.","SIL: You are not a rich planet. Zeiton is all you have to sell.","GOVERNOR: There are other exports. We're expanding into entertainments and communications with some success.","SIL: How?","GOVERNOR: The Punishment Dome. We sell tapes of what happens there.","SIL: Ah, that is enterprising. Your idea, Governor?","GOVERNOR: Yes.","SIL: Are they very disturbing, these videos you sell?","GOVERNOR: They show what befalls those who refuse to obey the orders by which the people of Varos must live.","SIL: Torture? Blindness? Executions?","GOVERNOR: All the functions of the Punishment Dome are recorded as warnings to miscreants everywhere.","SIL: But they entertain as well as instruct?","GOVERNOR: You must ask my Chief Officer. He is responsible for ComTec Division product.","SIL: I will hope to help organise your sales exports, if you consent to lower your Zeiton price.","GOVERNOR: I can't. I'm sorry.","SIL: Then my patience is exhausted and spent totally.","CHIEF: The people are anxious for a decision on the new price of our product.","GOVERNOR: Negotiations between ourselves and Galtron Mining are far from complete. The broadcast must be delayed.","CHIEF: Impossible. The rules must be obeyed by Governors as well as prisoners.","GOVERNOR: What is the difference?","CHIEF: What point have you reached, gentlemen?","SIL: Stalemate, on contract, royalties, everything.","CHIEF: But surely, a little movement regarding cost?","SIL: Already I have gone beyond my authority to meet the stubbornness of this Governor.","GOVERNOR: We must have an increase of price. We must.","SIL: I will wait. Perhaps the next Governor will be more sensible of reality.","GOVERNOR: I am the Governor. You deal with me.","SIL: But tonight you must place yourself at the mercy of the votes of your people. Should they not agree with your stubborn stance, you may be obliterated.","CHIEF: He is right, sir.","GOVERNOR: I am not afraid to die. My family have served and perished at the will of the people. Now, if it is my turn, so be it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: That's interesting, not to say arresting.","PERI: Where are we?","DOCTOR: Neither here nor there.","PERI: Doctor.","DOCTOR: Somewhere. Let's see.","DOCTOR: Stalled, in the equivalent of a galactic lay-by. See?","PERI: No.","DOCTOR: Midway between Cetes and Sculptor. Materialised into actual and temporal void.","PERI: Yes, but why won't it move?","DOCTOR: This is the one problem the TARDIS cannot overcome. Like all things in the universe, she cannot move without power and energy.","PERI: Yes, Doctor, but we can. Don't give up, please.","DOCTOR: It's all right for you, Peri.","PERI: Me? Why is it okay for me?","DOCTOR: You've only got one life. You'll age here in the TARDIS and then die. Me, I shall go on regenerating until all my lives are spent.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SIL: Like this Governor we do not. Replace you must arrange most soon. That is what our secret payments to you are for.","CHIEF: My dear Sil, a little patience is all that is required. Trust me.","SIL: Do you think he suspects the truth of matters?","CHIEF: No, he simply wants a better deal.","SIL: Maybe I should dispense with your payoffs. Perhaps I should offer that and you to him.","CHIEF: You simply really mustn't threaten me. You need me for what you hope to gain here.","SIL: If I do not succeed one way, I favour another. Enough talk. I would wish to witness the suffering moments of this fool Governorship.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CHIEF: I'm sorry. Sil refuses to increase his offer.","GOVERNOR: In a few moments, I have to appear before ViewPol. Propose further austerities, food dole, work feed cuts. They won't accept it. The vote against me will be overwhelming. We know what that will do.","CHIEF: The Constitution requires that Governors who fail to please the majority must suffer. It is the price of failure.","GOVERNOR: Even until death. I wish I had something to offer the people of Varos. Something to give them hope.","CHIEF: Bend the truth a little. Imply you intend to squeeze a few million extra credits at the Galatron negotiations, and if you don't, well, fools have short memories.","BAX: You must make ready for the broadcast, sir.","GOVERNOR: Yes, yes, yes.","GOVERNOR: Good evening.","[SCENE_BREAK]","GOVERNOR (on screen): For centuries, the Galatron Mining Corporation has declared rich dividends by exploiting our labour. Now is the time to steel ourselves for sacrifice, to gain what is ours by right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","GOVERNOR (on screen): As always, I seek ways to market the resources of our poor planet","ARAK: Blah, blah, blah. Get to the point.","ETTA: Shut your mouth.","GOVERNOR (on screen): Seven credits per unit of zeiton ore mined is what I asked.","ARAK: Well, you won't get it.","ETTA: One more yak out of you, Arak, and you're down on my ViewStat report as a subvert.","GOVERNOR (on screen): Surely that is not too much to ask.","ARAK: I'm entitled to an opinion.","ETTA: Entitled to a vote is all.","ARAK: I know how I'll use that, then.","GOVERNOR (on screen): Viewers of Varos, I ask that we agree to hold out for what is a fair price for our principal marketable resource, that of zeiton ore. Those who wish to fight alongside me for a prosperous tomorrow, vote Yes to a ten percent reduction of our food rations. Those who wish for full bellies today and nothing to eat tomorrow have the option to punch their No button.","ARAK: Right.","ARAK: He's lost! Go on, pour it on and on.","ETTA: No, no.","ARAK: Yes, he's going. Yes, he's snuffed it!","ETTA: Has he?","ARAK: Oh. Well, next time. Next time for sure.","ETTA: He's strong. That's three losing votes in a row!","ARAK: Yeah. Next vote will see him blasted out for sure. No one's ever taken four bashings from that cell disintegrator thing.","ETTA: I wish you'd leave him alone.","ARAK: Why? He's the worst Governor we've had since. Well, since","ETTA: Since the last one?","[SCENE_BREAK]","SIL: Is the Governor no more?","BAX: He survived. Just.","SIL: We must arrange good riddance of this bad Governor soon.","CHIEF: He is weakened by the human cell disintegration bombardment. Engage him in negotiations now and you may gain advantage.","GOVERNOR: Permission to leave Governor's domain.","CHIEF: Congratulations, sir. You survived the vote.","SIL: Soon, your death will be apparent. You will see. Should we try again to reach agreement before I must communicate with my executive council?","GOVERNOR: Later.","SIL: Now or never!","GOVERNOR: Give me a moment or two.","SIL: Very well. Transport me to the office of the Governor.","SIL: I find the G-forces of this Varos size world quite excessive.","GOVERNOR: I'm so tired.","CHIEF: I warned the people would not accept yet more rationing cuts for whatever the reason.","GOVERNOR: This system of referendum, how much longer can I survive?","CHIEF: One more vote?","BAX: Governor, may I suggest you do something to please, to entertain, to please the people. Just to give yourself time to recover your strength. Why not give them the life of the rebel Jondar? After all, it's his death or yours.","GOVERNOR: It would have to be something different.","BAX: I thought perhaps by laser obliteration, sir, by a concentrated build-up of power. Neutralise the Q switch. That way, the random laser emitter builds up to a giant pulse of light, an explosion of focused laser energy that would wipe the prisoner out of existence.","GOVERNOR: We have never shown that style of despatch.","CHIEF: Too quick. It would be over too soon. We'd never be able to sell so swift an execution.","BAX: It's the uncertainly. No one knows quite when the power will blow. We could get at least ten minutes of tension out of his apprehension and fear.","CHIEF: It's novel, I suppose.","BAX: I'm sure the video of his execution would sell. You said we must export or die.","GOVERNOR: Yes. Yes, I did. Very well, arrange it. And Bax","BAX: Sir?","GOVERNOR: Thank you for the suggestion.","BAX: End random pulses. Conserve CB. Neutralise Q switch. Activate viewer warning of imminent public execution.","QUILLAM: Bax.","BAX: Sir?","QUILLAM: The idea for the random laser obliteration, did that come from you?","BAX: Yes, Mister Quillam.","QUILLAM: Well done. New variation of execution is always welcome.","BAX: Thank you, sir.","QUILLAM: I'll bear you in mind when my rehabilitation section's reorganised.","BAX: Thank you, sir. I'd welcome a chance to work with you in prison research.","QUILLAM: Ah, Chief. What of the seditionist's woman? Does the Governor require shots of her witnessing her husband's obliteration?","CHIEF: He didn't ask for them.","QUILLAM: No sense of theatre.","CHIEF: Shall I order it?","QUILLAM: Oh, no, no, no. I have other delights in store for that lady.","[SCENE_BREAK]","PERI: Here, a little something to stop you sighing like a steam engine.","DOCTOR: What is it?","PERI: TARDIS manual. I found it in the workshop propping open a vent.","DOCTOR: Oh, yeah. Started reading that once.","PERI: Hey! Won't that tell you what's wrong with the TARDIS?","DOCTOR: Huh, I know perfectly well what category of disaster has befallen us.","PERI: The comparator?","DOCTOR: No. No, not this time. Might as well confirm my diagnosis. Something to pass eternity with, I suppose.","PERI: Doctor, the column moved!","DOCTOR: Oh, yeah? Probably some vestigial power passing through to the transitional elements. Which would mean","DOCTOR: Where are we?","PERI: What is it?","DOCTOR: Yes. Hold that. Don't lose the place. And don't give up hope. Not yet.","PERI: Yes, Doctor.","[SCENE_BREAK]","GOVERNOR: Another attempt will be made to obtain better terms for the mining of our resources. One other pronouncement. As Governor, I hold final say as to the appeal against sentence of death. The rebel Jondar, although enduring his pre-execution ordeal well, must nevertheless suffer the fate of all who transgress the rules of our society.","[SCENE_BREAK]","GOVERNOR (on screen): At eight o'clock, then, attend to your screens to witness what must befall all who oppose the reality of our just constitution.","[SCENE_BREAK]","RONDEL: The order for your husband's execution has just been received.","ARETA: When is it?","RONDEL: Soon.","ARETA: Jondar was your friend.","RONDEL: Before he rebelled against orders.","ARETA: Curious to see how the life of a guard has changed you.","RONDEL: I can do nothing.","ARETA: Rondel! Do you know what he found, what he saw?","RONDEL: No. Please!","ARETA: While the rest of us toil without hope, the officer elite enjoy power and luxury.","RONDEL: Lies!","ARETA: Varos is what is always was. A prison planet, a colony for the criminally insane. The descendants of the original officers still rule, by fear, with the spectacle of death our only entertainment. That is what Jondar found, what he learnt. That is why they want to kill him.","RONDEL: I must leave.","ARETA: Can't we make an attempt to save him? Rondel, please.","RONDEL: It's too late.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: TR reading from the IV table.","PERI: Is that in the hypertime ratio section.","DOCTOR: Where else?","PERI: Er, orthoganal reading is Zee S plus 101 EQ.","DOCTOR: Zee? Oh, zed.","PERI: Yes.","DOCTOR: Well, that's as it should be. The power conversion factor is stable, so why aren't we receiving full transmission of that power? There's a possibility. May I?","PERI: What is it?","DOCTOR: Let me see. Yes, we might. We'll try. Hold that.","PERI: Doctor, it's working!","DOCTOR: With the last vestiges of our emergency power booster. Enough for a limited flight, no further. The thing that depresses me most of all is that the transitional elements have lost the capacity to generate orbital energy and should be, must be, replaced.","PERI: How long would that take?","DOCTOR: No time at all. If we can obtain enough zeiton-7 to reline the transpower system, the TARDIS will be like, well, as she was. No, it's not the fitting that's the problem. Zeiton is a very rare element. It's only to be found on one planet.","PERI: Well, let's go there, then.","DOCTOR: Hmm? Oh. I suppose if we use the emergency power booster to bypass the failing circuits, we could just reach the planet of Varos in the constellation of Cetes. Question is, when? If we miss their mining era, we'll be stranded for evermore.","PERI: Well, anything's better than being stuck here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","QUILLAM: What's inside that skull? Anger? Fear?","ARETA: Hatred of you, Quillam.","QUILLAM: Ah, but hatred of yourself as well. We all have some parts of our mind that we consider unworthy, some memory that makes us shudder and squirm. Do you know what my process of transmutation does? It focuses on the seeds of fear in your mind and makes them grow until you, your body, your face, your entire being, transforms into the image in your mind. You should turn into something quite interesting. A reptile, or something simian perhaps.","ARETA: Or something truly loathsome, such as you.","QUILLAM: Take her to the rehabilitation unit.","RONDEL: Sir.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CHIEF: For sedition, thought rebellion, and incitement of other rebels to organise, to unionise and to terrorise the workforce of Varos, the vote of the people was for your death to take place by laser obliteration.","JONDAR: The Governor was to consider my appeal!","CHIEF: Our Governor bows to the will of his people. As Systems Arbiter and Chief Officer, I confirm that the conditions of the Constitution have been complied with. I therefore permit your execution to proceed.","JONDAR: When will this be, Chief Officer?","CHIEF: At eight o'clock. You have ample time to compose yourself for eternity. All of five short minutes.","CHIEF: It isn't exactly certain when obliteration takes place. Stand clear of the execution site. You have your anti-hallucination helmet?","MALDAK: Yes, sir.","CHIEF: Good. Switched on?","MALDAK: Yes, sir.","CHIEF: Good. We wouldn't wish for one of my guards to succumb to the phantoms of the Punishment Dome. Not with all of Varos watching.","MALDAK: No, sir.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Ah, who's this coming to welcome us?","[SCENE_BREAK]","MALDAK: Control. Senior Guard Maldak 239. Report of fault on anti-hallucination helmet. Am experiencing sensory distortion. Permission to withdraw?","CHIEF (OOV.): Stay until after execution.","MALDAK: Understood.","[SCENE_BREAK]","PERI: Artificial atmosphere, enclosed, underground, breathable.","DOCTOR: With distorted readings from a nearby power source.","PERI: What kind of place is this, Doctor? Why did that man fire at us and then turn away as if we didn't exist?","DOCTOR: Let's go and ask him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BAX: Sir, Chief, there's something wrong.","CHIEF: Be quiet!","BAX: But we","CHIEF: Attend to your function!","SIL: Silence! Execution is imminent.","GOVERNOR: What is it?","SIL: This is the most wonderful entertainment.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Hello.","PERI: Hi!","DOCTOR: Not interrupting anything?","MALDAK: I know how this place works. I know you are but a product of my mind, and I choose to resist you to know that you cannot exist.","DOCTOR: Quite right.","MALDAK: Control, Control, my anti-hallucination switch is suffering malfunction. Permission to withdraw.","DOCTOR: That's what we've come to fix. Isn't that right, Peri?","PERI: Yes, sure.","DOCTOR: Let me have it. Come on. Give it to me now.","PERI: Doctor, careful!","DOCTOR: Thank you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SIL: Is this planned?","GOVERNOR: Certainly not. What's happened?","CHIEF: I'll alert the IR squad immediately, sir.","BAX: Sir, there's another group","CHIEF: Yes, thank you, we have seen.","GOVERNOR: Are they rebels?","BAX: I don't know.","GOVERNOR: We must, we must act.","SIL: They must be apprehended, sentenced, executed. All of them!","GOVERNOR: Attend to it.","CHIEF: Sir. Bax!","BAX: Sir.","SIL: My company is only interested in stable situations.","GOVERNOR: Varos has been stable for more than two hundred years.","SIL: See you remain so, or a most unfavourable report I will give!","GOVERNOR: I, I'm","SIL: Help him.","SIL: Now, my dear friend, what is good price for your zeiton-7 ore?","GOVERNOR: Seven credits per unit. Seven. I'm so, so tired.","SIL: Seven credits a unit, when the engineers of every known solar system cry out for his product to drive their space-time craft? A planet of fools who don't realise their luck and don't deserve to. Return to our craft. Alert the Council to have a colonising force sent to this sector.","SLAVE: Right.","SIL: When I control this planet, I will possess the means of power throughout this entire galaxy! And, perhaps, for all others beyond.","[SCENE_BREAK]","JONDAR: Help me! Whoever you are, quickly!","DOCTOR: Peri, pull his away from the wall.","PERI: Like this?","DOCTOR: That's it. Right, hold. Close your eyes and wish for luck. Here we go.","DOCTOR: Right, now the other one.","JONDAR: Who are you?","DOCTOR: Let's get back to the TARDIS, I'll explain there.","PERI: Doctor!","DOCTOR: Then again, retreat another way might be a more viable idea.","PERI: They're too close.","DOCTOR: Help me turn this round.","DOCTOR: Right.","DOCTOR: Come on!","[SCENE_BREAK]","CHIEF: Kill laser connection!","[SCENE_BREAK]","ARAK: Run! Run! Go on, run!","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: It's a dead end.","JONDAR: I can't go on much further.","PERI: Nor me.","DOCTOR: What is this place?","JONDAR: An ordinary prison once, but now. There's a patrol car coming. I'm sorry, I thought there was an escape cell down here.","DOCTOR: Let's create a little difficulty for our uniformed friends, shall we?","JONDAR: Why should you want to help me?","DOCTOR: You're the only person we've encountered so far who hasn't tried to destroy us. Help me. Pull! Pull!","DOCTOR: Ah! Right, let's see what I can do with this. Stand back.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CHIEF: Where's that emergency lighting?","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: If you insist.","PERI: This way.","[SCENE_BREAK]","ARETA: I thought we'd lost you. They set up your execution so quickly we couldn't even stage an attempt at a rescue.","JONDAR: I thought he was sent by you.","ARETA: No.","DOCTOR: I will explain. I'd sooner leave whatever this place is and get back to the safety of the TARDIS, er, ship.","JONDAR: Spaceship?","PERI: Something like that.","ARETA: Rondal's agreed to help us escape through the guard's entrance.","RONDAL: We must leave straightaway.","DOCTOR: First, I want to know what this place is.","JONDAR: This place is where the innocent are tortured as the population gloats over our efforts to survive.","RONDAL: Not all enjoy. Some of us seek to help.","ARETA: For every Rondal there are thousands of Varosians slumped over their wall screens, deadened by overwork and starvation.","DOCTOR: Starvation? But Varos has precious mineral deposits. Zeiton-7.","JONDAR: That stuff. Who wants it?","DOCTOR: I wouldn't say no to a little.","RONDAL: We must go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","ARAK: Great! Great, they're getting away!","ETTA: Yeah, but wait till they meet the guards at the end of the tunnel.","ARAK: Nah, they'll be all right. This batch of rebos are good.","ETTA: I like that one, the one in the funny clothes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Back.","DOCTOR: All these cameras, do they feed pictures from here into every home?","JONDAR: The whole dome is wired. Areas of ingenious danger lurk in every corner. You can die in so many varied and spectacular ways.","ARETA: The cruel thing is that there is supposed to be safe route leading towards an exit. Freedom.","DOCTOR: If we can get back to the TARDIS, we can get away from here much more easily.","JONDAR: How?","PERI: You find a way back to the TARDIS and then the Doctor'll be delighted to demonstrate.","ARETA: Do you know where we are?","JONDAR: Near the purple zone, next to the interrogation and execution area.","ARETA: Is there another way to get back to his spaceship?","DOCTOR: TARDIS.","JONDAR: Not without traversing the purple zone.","ARETA: Then we're trapped. Good as dead.","DOCTOR: Not yet. Let's see what this purple passage has to offer.","JONDAR: Is he sane, this Doctor?","PERI: Sometimes.","DOCTOR: Peri, this is no time for casual conversation.","PERI (OOV.): Coming.","DOCTOR: We must pass through quickly. Quickly! The guards might return any time.","JONDAR: Come on. We must try.","[SCENE_BREAK]","ARAK: Oh, I like this section. I wonder if they know what's waiting.","ETTA: This'll sort them out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: Of course, that's it. Close your eyes.","PERI: I can't.","DOCTOR: Close them. Now! Right, now all take hands. That's it. Now, follow me. It's just an illusion.","DOCTOR: Come on, but whatever happens, keep your eyes closed.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SIL: He's not a fool, your intruder.","BAX: Perhaps just lucky.","CHIEF: Or he has received information on how the dome works. There was a guard helping them.","BAX: The prison contains too many devices. No one could know or survive them all.","SIL: They do not seem or act like Varosians. They could be from a rival company! The Amorb-Prospect Division. I would want the strangers removed for questioning.","CHIEF: Get me a line to patrol headquarters.","BAX: Yes, Chief.","SIL: Then check on that object found near the execution chamber. Have it brought here at once!","[SCENE_BREAK]","DOCTOR: All clear.","PERI: Oh, what was that thing we saw? A creature from my worst imaginings.","DOCTOR: It might in fact. Ah ha! There we are.","ARETA: A gee-jee fly? But it was huge!","DOCTOR: We thought it was. That little fly was enlarged by the effect of the purple zone on our visual cortex. Once the purple light was eliminated, we were restored to a proper sense of proportion. Interesting.","PERI: Is everything we experience here like that?","JONDAR: No, some dangers are very real. The crowd loves to watch trialists face a danger they believe to be imaginary. The viewers applaud and shout with laughter as we poor fools walk towards certain death.","DOCTOR: Who loves to watch?","JONDAR: Almost all of Varos. It's the way the officers divert discontent, questions, thoughts of revolution.","DOCTOR: Oh. Let's see what else this fun palace has to offer.","PERI: Oh, what a stench. Phew!","JONDAR: Animal.","DOCTOR: Real or imaginary? Just as loathsome. The niff at least is not an illusion. Or is it?","JONDAR: Just like ComTec design to put a real monster immediately beyond an imaginary one.","DOCTOR: Or is that exactly how they would expect us to reason. One way to find out.","PERI: No, Doctor!","DOCTOR: It's all right, they're lights. Green lights, two of them.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BAX: The ViewPop like them. We've received very good punch-in appreciation figures.","CHIEF: Good. All the more impact when they are captured, tried and executed. A rebo leader, and his woman, and intruders from another world. That's not only prime time viewing here, but the recording of their final agonies will sell on every civilised world.","[SCENE_BREAK]","PERI: The TARDIS should be","DOCTOR: Just here.","DOCTOR: It was just here.","ARETA: Your ship has gone?","DOCTOR: It most certainly has.","JONDAR: Where?","PERI: Yes, Doctor, where?","DOCTOR: Well, it can't be far away. Hmm. Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SIL: This mysterious most is.","CHIEF: There's an explanation. The strangers will be captured soon, then we'll force some answers.","SIL: Who are other people helping rebels? If he should be of another mining corporation, our contracts are ended.","GOVERNOR: No, he is unknown to us.","SIL: I would wish them dead. Only that would please my company.","GOVERNOR: Close them out, Chief. Use every guard available. I'll talk to the people. Arrange it quickly.","BAX: What about this?","GOVERNOR: Keep trying to open it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","PERI: All these corridors look the same to me.","DOCTOR: Check down there.","JONDAR: Shush. There's a patrol car coming. Quick!","PERI: Doctor, look out!","GUARD: There's one!","[SCENE_BREAK]","ARAK: They've had it now.","[SCENE_BREAK]","MALDAK: Make a fool of me, would you? Take her to the Prison Control Centre. The others, to the termination cell.","[SCENE_BREAK]","ETTA: Oh, dear. And I really liked him.","GOVERNOR (on screen): Good evening.","ARAK: Oh, no. What's he want?","ETTA: Shut up and listen.","[SCENE_BREAK]","GOVERNOR: I must report that the attempt to divert the course of justice has been repelled. The rebel and his compatriots have either been captured or destroyed. The extent of the rebellion is greater than feared, and help from another source, perhaps from another world, is suspected. The vehicle of their transport is now in the possession of my officer guard. The leader of the invaders is at this moment walking into a no-options kill centre. There he will suffer the fate of all who seek to overturn the law of Varos.","GOVERNOR: I ask you to vote now upon my campaign to halt insurrection. I await your verdict. Yes, and the rebellion will be crushed. No, and no doubt another Governor will have other plans.","GOVERNOR: Thank you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","PERI: Drink, Doctor? Drink, Doctor. Drink water. Drink water.","DOCTOR: Peri!","[SCENE_BREAK]","CHIEF: What a wonderful thing a man's mind is. The hallucinatory inductor makes him believe he cannot survive, and soon he will be unable to draw one breath after the next.","[SCENE_BREAK]","ARAK: Have we got anything to drink?","[SCENE_BREAK]","PERI: Doctor!","GOVERNOR: Keep quiet! We're recording. The moment approaches. Close up on death throes, please.","BAX: No sign of life, sir.","SIL: Dead as death!","BAX: How long should I hold?","GOVERNOR: And cut it, now."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"22x03","Episode Title":"Vengeance on Varos - part 1","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_23x05.json","Recap":["After arguments, the Inquisitor warns both the Doctor and the Valeyard, reminding them that they are in judicial proceedings and to behave. The Valeyard then presents evidence relating to the Doctor landing his TARDIS on the planet Thoros Beta where the Doctor and Peri flee in order to avoid being accused of a crime they did not commit. In the process they arrive at a experimental laboratory where they rescue King Yrcanos."],"Transcript":["THE TRIAL OF A TIME LORD","PART FIVE (MINDWARP)","Run time: 24:42","[SCENE_BREAK]","Trial room","[SCENE_BREAK]","Valeyard: Members of the court, we have just witnessed a typical glorious escapade of the Doctor.","The Doctor: Madam! I ask that the court protect me from the abuse of the Brickyard here.","Valeyard: How pathetic and juvenile are your attempts at humour.","Inquisitor: Gentlemen, may I remind you this is a court of law, not a debating society for maladjusted, psychotic sociopaths. You will both conduct yourselves in an orderly manner and show proper respect for the judicial procedure. I hope I make myself very clear.","Inquisitor: And Doctor, the prosecuting counsel's title is the Valeyard. Not the brickyard, backyard, knacker's yard or any other kind of yard. Again, do I make myself clear?","The Doctor: Piercingly and irrefutably so, madam.","Inquisitor: Proceed.","Valeyard: As I was saying, we have just witnessed a sequence in the Doctor's history which illustrated perfectly his almost gleeful pleasure in interfering in the development of alien life forms.","The Doctor: I object!","Inquisitor: Sit down and shut up!","Valeyard: Thank you, Sagacity.","The Doctor: Sagacity? You sycophant. Since when has that been a form of address used in a Gallifreyan court of law?","Valeyard: I am simply showing respect to our learned Inquisitor.","Inquisitor: An attitude I much approve.","The Doctor: Well, you would, wouldn't you? Sagacity, indeed.","Inquisitor: Doctor! Continue.","Valeyard: I should now like to present the Doctor's next frightening adventure. In fact, the one in which he was engaged when removed from time and brought to this court.","Inquisitor: Doctor?","The Doctor: What about the box?","Inquisitor: The box?","The Doctor: And the fact that Earth was two light years away from its original position?","Valeyard: That is not relevant to this segment of evidence.","The Doctor: It was relevant enough to be bleeped from the Matrix record.","Inquisitor: The Valeyard is quite right. That is a matter for the High Council to adjudicate upon. It is not the business of this trial.","Valeyard: If we may see from the Doctor's arrival on the planet Thoros Beta. Twenty fourth century, last quarter, fourth year, seventh month, third day.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Thoros Beta","[SCENE_BREAK]","Peri: Whoa, far out. Are you quite sure this is the planet you aimed for?","The Doctor: Mmm hmm. Fancy a swim?","Peri: In that goo? No thanks.","The Doctor: It's a pretty colour.","Peri: It's certainly an amazing one. For a sea, that is. Is that this planet's moon?","The Doctor: No, that's its twin planet, Thoros Alpha. Come along, then.","Peri: I'll just fetch my galoshes.","The Doctor: Oh, so much fuss over a little water.","Peri: No, but pink water.","The Doctor: Are you frightened it might clash with what you're wearing?","Peri: No, I'm more concerned I might clash with what lives in it.","The Doctor: Oh, you aren't going to come to any harm. It's quite safe.","The Doctor: As long as you don't hang about.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Trial room","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: Are you really offering this inconsequential silliness as evidence?","Inquisitor: The Doctor has a point. Surely we could join this segment at a more relevant place?","Valeyard: My apologies for wasting the court's time, Sagacity.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Thoros Beta","[SCENE_BREAK]","Peri: I can't get over how weird this place is.","The Doctor: Hmm? Yes, I suppose it is.","Peri: Difficult to believe there's any industry here.","The Doctor: Yet this was manufactured here, somewhere.","The Doctor: It appears to be multi-functional. Varying fields of energy projection. Quite advanced.","Peri: Doctor!","The Doctor: It's more advanced than I thought. It seems it can liquefy as well as stun.","Peri: Are you sure that thing was made here?","The Doctor: Peri, a Warlord of Thordon wouldn't use his dying words to lie to us. Remember what he said? Thoros Beta, send more beams that kill.","Peri: Beams that kill wasn't the only thing he had on his mind. Dirty old Warlord. Glad we left that place when we did.","The Doctor: The thing is, how did a bunch of skull-crackers like the Warlords come to own such a device?","Peri: Does it really matter how they blow each other to bits?","The Doctor: Matter? Of course it matters. An advanced culture manipulating the destinies of a less developed civilisation? If that's what's going on here, it's got to be stopped.","Peri: By us?","The Doctor: Who else is there?","Valeyard (O.C.): Who else is there?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Trial room","[SCENE_BREAK]","Valeyard: Your very words condemn you, Doctor, show your arrogance.","The Doctor: Sorry?","Valeyard: You feel only you have the right to meddle. Anyone else with that ambition, according to you, should be stopped.","The Doctor: Well, you'll soon discover I made the right decision.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Thoros Beta","[SCENE_BREAK]","Peri: You know, I've never seen a tide go out so quickly. Do you think it's to do with that?","The Doctor: I shouldn't think so. There must be some sort of mechanical tide control.","The Doctor: Ah ha!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cave mouth","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: And I wouldn't be at all surprised if it was housed in here.","Peri: Well, why would they want to control the tide?","The Doctor: Well, er, why not? Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cave","[SCENE_BREAK]","Peri: Do you think this wise, Doctor?","The Doctor: My dear girl, if I stopped to question the wisdom of my actions, I'd never have left Gallifrey.","Peri: Sometimes I wish you hadn't.","The Doctor: Oh?","Peri: Doctor, look.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Trial room","[SCENE_BREAK]","Valeyard: Another death, Doctor?","The Doctor: The CD phaser discharged accidentally. Rerun the struggle, see for yourselves.","Valeyard: No need. There are clearer examples of your guilt to come.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cave","[SCENE_BREAK]","Peri: Why did it attack us?","The Doctor: I don't know.","The Doctor: Perhaps it was because of that.","Peri: Look, Doctor, I know how you hate me stating the obvious, but don't you think we should get away from here?","Peri: That klaxon's bound to attract someone's attention.","The Doctor: Mmm, yeah. Just a moment, this is incredible. Such sophistication.","Peri: Well, what is it?","The Doctor: As I suspected, a device for extracting energy from the sea. Something your planet had the technology to do long before its fossil fuels ran out, but they didn't bother. This is just an auxiliary console, though. The main control room must be somewhere else.","Peri: That thing must have been brighter than it looked.","The Doctor: Oh, I doubt if that could even tie its own shoelaces. It may have operated this console, but it certainly didn't build it.","Peri: Oh, dear.","The Doctor: Yes. Oh, dear.","Frax: Murderers.","Peri: That thing attacked us.","Frax: The Raak was not programmed to attack. You must have threatened him. Fetch a stretcher.","The Doctor: All we did was land here.","Frax: Where is your submersible?","The Doctor: Further along the shore.","Frax: You are part of Crozier's new group?","The Doctor: Oh yes, yes, of course. Absolutely.","Frax: There will have to be an enquiry about this death.","The Doctor: We will help in any way we can.","Frax: The Raak was proud of his upgrading. Happy to be in service to the Mentors.","The Doctor: I'm sure he was. It's a pity he lost his head and decided to attack us.","Peri: It was an accident.","Frax: Take him to the dissection lab. There must have been a regression. They'll want to know why. You will come with us. We will take you to Crozier's laboratory. When he has verified your identities, you will be released.","The Doctor: Oh, absolutely. Security is very important.","Frax: Glad you agree.","The Doctor: Yeah.","Frax: Er, if you don't mind.","The Doctor: Oh, of course. Can't be too careful. Yes, very good. Absolutely right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Operating room","[SCENE_BREAK]","Crozier: Let us pacify the brain of this barbarian.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Outside the Operating room","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frax: You must wait. Crozier cannot be disturbed.","Peri: Oh, what a pity, huh?","The Doctor: Yes, can't wait to see good old Crozier.","Frax: Old? He is young for a man of science. Perhaps you should describe Crozier for me.","The Doctor: Crozier. Well, er, young. Ish. Er, look, shouldn't we attend to the Raak first?","Frax: Why? He is dead.","The Doctor: Well, I think it just winked at Peri.","Peri: Oh, cheek.","The Doctor: No accounting for alien taste.","Frax: He is dead.","The Doctor: Not necessarily. Look, may I examine him? You can trust me, I am a doctor.","Frax: Like Crozier?","The Doctor: Yes, just like young Crozier. Nurse, could you prepare to apply the, er, skedaddle test?","Peri: Are you sure that's wise?","The Doctor: Come round here. I think the alternative could be much worse. Hold that, will you? Right, ready to apply the test, Sister?","Peri: More than ready, Doctor.","The Doctor: On the count of three, then. One, two, three.","Frax: Let them go. There's nothing down there, only the Lukoser. We'll wait here for a minute and then pick up their bodies.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Tunnel","[SCENE_BREAK]","Peri: What's that?","The Doctor: Bone. From some animal I don't recognise. Snapped off? Sharp, jagged edges?","Peri: Doctor, let's go back to the TARDIS, huh?","Peri: What's that?","The Doctor: Indeed.","Peri: Doctor, there.","The Doctor: It's a man.","Peri: Alone. Oh, Doctor, he's chained.","Peri: Are you okay?","The Doctor: Yes. Yes, I am now. It also explains how the tooth marks come to be on this.","Peri: What is he?","The Doctor: Looks like a man, acts like a wolf. Lycanthropy?","Peri: But how? Good boy, nice dog. Nice man. Can you help us? We're wondering if you...","The Doctor: Be careful!","Dorf: Help me.","Peri: Doctor, he's crying.","Dorf: Help me.","The Doctor: No one following. Yet, that is.","Peri: We must go back. He asked for help.","The Doctor: Not yet.","Peri: He said, help me. Oh, Doctor, what's going on here? Sea monsters upgraded to operate machinery, a wolf-man who begged for help.","The Doctor: Let's find out.","The Doctor: Not yet. I have a feeling there are more important considerations first.","Peri: Who could keep a creature in such torment?","The Doctor: Who indeed. Someone's coming.","Peri: Did you?","The Doctor: I did. Well, that explains the CD phaser sales to Thordon. Sil'd sell anything from bows and arrows to planet disintegrators.","Peri: Why is he here? And those others like him?","The Doctor: They live here. Thoros Beta's Sil's home planet. Didn't you know?","Peri: Only because you didn't tell me, Doctor.","The Doctor: Didn't I?","Peri: You know I'd never want to come within light years of that creep again. Last time he tried to turn me into a bird woman.","The Doctor: How could I forget? It cost me a fortune in bird seed.","Peri: I want out, and I mean it.","The Doctor: Come on, mustn't lose track of your friend Sil.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Courtyard","[SCENE_BREAK]","Valeyard: Do you relish danger, Doctor?","The Doctor: Not particularly.","Valeyard: Yet you seem to court it so obviously.","The Doctor: Well, even a nervous Time Lord must appear to act with competence at all times.","Valeyard: At the risk of his companion's life?","The Doctor: And his own sometimes.","Valeyard: Already the unfortunate Peri has survived a struggle with the Raak, escaped from the guards. And who, Doctor, was sent to examine the wolf-man?","The Doctor: Well...","Valeyard: Who went into danger first?","The Doctor: Well, she just happened to be the nearest.","Valeyard: Your assistant, as usual. Sagacity, I have calculated on a random Matrix sample that the Doctor's companions have been placed in danger twice as often as the Doctor.","The Doctor: Well, there have been many companions, but only one me.","Inquisitor: What is the point you're attempting to make, Valeyard?","Valeyard: That you remember such information when judgement is considered on taking the Doctor's life and all future regenerations.","Inquisitor: It is noted.","The Doctor: This is the most ridiculous, preposterous, travesty of a trial since the so-called witches of Enderhive.","Inquisitor: Doctor! You have been warned about your behaviour. Let us proceed.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Commerce room","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kiv: Must you bring your lunch in here?","Sil: I do not wish to miss a moment of your infinite capacity to generate profit for Thoros Beta, Magnificence. Marsh minnow, Magnificence?","Kiv: This Thordon world. The Krontep warriors have succeeded in subduing the massed hordes of the Tonkonp Empire. We must negotiate with the Krontep king. Usual contracts, development loans, some limited scientific advance. What is the position regarding King Yrcanos?","Sil: He is still being persuaded by Crozier to cooperate happily. I think that is the word.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Operating room","[SCENE_BREAK]","Yrcanos: Blood. Death. Terror. Kill!","Crozier: Increase the PULD pulse immediately.","Yrcanos: Groan. Die.","Matrona: Why is the pacification not working?","Crozier: It will. I'll add a few more mills of power.","Crozier: Yrcanos is a barbarian king. He knows only one thing, how to fight, therefore he is fighting our attempts to give him peace and tranquillity.","Yrcanos: Scum.","Crozier: The more stupid the subject, the longer it takes. Now, Matrona, the ganglions, as you noticed, have not recovered from the lesions.","Matrona: Yes, but why detach both junctions of the lutein...","Crozier: You are forbidden! What happened? An accident?","Frax: No, sir. Murder.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Commerce room","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kiv: In the event of a major discovery, their lease from the Thordonians will be for thirty years at a royalty rate of forty percent to us.","Kiv: That should keep you in marsh minnows for a while, Sil.","Sil: How lovely, Magnificence.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Outside the Operating room","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: They weren't hanging about.","Peri: Neither did they look very pleased.","The Doctor: Well, perhaps they've had some bad news. Hmm.","Peri: Doctor!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Trial room","[SCENE_BREAK]","Valeyard: If I might beg the court's indulgence.","Inquisitor: Valeyard.","Valeyard: Sagacity, may I be so bold as to suggest that we have already seen enough?","The Doctor: Oh, I second that. I've already seen quite enough of Sil, thank you.","Valeyard: We have now seen many examples of the Doctor's interference. We have heard the many requests from the Doctor's companion to withdraw from the situations we have witnessed, yet constantly, blatantly, they have been ignored.","The Doctor: Minor errors of judgement, nothing more.","Inquisitor: Valeyard, you have asked for the death penalty. That is now a matter of record. Whereas I do not concur with the prisoner when he interrupts with the statement that his offences are minor, you will have to provide this court with far more positive evidence of his guilt if you wish me to take your plea seriously.","The Doctor: Indeed. And my conscience is absolutely clear when I say that he will be unable to provide such evidence. So, can we please get back to discussing why Earth was two light years away from its original position, and what was in the box that Sabalom Glitz was so interested in?","Inquisitor: Be silent.","Valeyard: It is simply in my mind not to waste the court's time with endless repetitions of what we have already seen.","Inquisitor: Let me be the judge of that, Valeyard.","Valeyard: Sagacity.","The Doctor: My lady, it is as clear as the warts on an Edarg's face that the Valeyard has lost his nerve. He keeps saying that he has the most damning evidence, but where is it? I suggest to you, my lady, that this evidence does not exist. Whereas the fact that Earth was two light years away from its original position is incontrovertible.","Inquisitor: Sit down and shut up! Although I deplore the Doctor's constant interruptions, I must again concur that he has a point. If you want the Doctor's head, Valeyard, you must work for it. Let us proceed.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Commerce room","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kiv: What is next on the agenda? Ah! Ah! Oh, my head!","Sil: It will soon pass.","Kiv: The pressure gets worse each time. Something must be done, or soon you will be called Magnificence.","Sil: Long may that day be postponed, great Kiv.","Sil: You must not enter sacred Commerce room while profit is in progress.","Crozier: There's trouble.","Sil: Concerning what?","Crozier: My hopes of saving him.","Sil: Show more respect to the Magnificence.","Kiv: What has happened?","Crozier: The Raak is dead, killed by intruders.","Frax: They claimed he attacked them.","Sil: Then manufacture another one.","Crozier: That's not easily done, nor is it the point of my concern.","Matrona: The Raak was not aggressive.","Sil: So?","Crozier: If the Raak, unprovoked, did attack, then he might revert genetically. Until I know, until I can question the strangers in detail, I cannot guarantee the success of your transference, my lord.","Kiv: You must relieve my suffering!","Matrona: We have hopes the radical treatment will succeed this time, my lord.","Sil: So much depends on the life of Lord Kiv. The making of mega-wealth, the funding for your work.","Crozier: I must know that success will be certain.","Kiv: You said that last time.","Sil: Where are these strangers?","Frax: Escaped. I've sent every bearer and guard searching after them.","Kiv: I trust this is not an excuse for delay, Mister Crozier? You know if the experiment on my person is unsuccessful, you will die.","Crozier: I accept that.","Kiv: Take charge, Sil. I will be dead as that Raak if I wait for them to find the intruders. At once! Before I perish! Then where will you be, eh? Dead. No, worse than that. Poor. Oh, oh, oh, my head!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Operating room","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: Hmm. Yuk.","Peri: Urgh.","Yrcanos: Help.","Peri: He's alive!","The Doctor: Not necessarily. Hmm. Ah ha.","Peri: What is it?","The Doctor: A brain impulse there. Oh, I see. Well, we can't have that.","Peri: Doctor.","The Doctor: Ah. How nice to see a familiar face again.","Sil: Doctor and, ah yes, your revoltingly ugly assistant. Age has not improved you since Varos.","Peri: From you that's a compliment.","The Doctor: What can we do for you, Sil?","Sil: Tell us why you had to kill our most promising experiment.","Crozier: The Raak.","The Doctor: It attacked us.","Crozier: I doubt that very much.","Sil: Doctor, we have the means to instill cooperation. There's the technology to alter how brains think. Would you like to try the helmet on for size?","The Doctor: Not just now, thanks.","Sil: But I insist, Doctor. Our warrior king must have completed his advancement cycle. You must replace him so we may coax the truth from your devious brain.","The Doctor: I am sufficiently advanced already.","Sil: Silence! Or you will be obliterated.","Sil: Now, the Raak didn't attack you, did he.","The Doctor: Yes, it did.","Sil: Can you use the helmet to extract the truth of what happened?","Crozier: I've never tried. It could be fatal, used as a means of interrogation.","Sil: The Doctor won't mind donating his sanity to the advancement of science, will you, Doctor?"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"23x05","Episode Title":"The Trial of a Time Lord - part 5 (Mindwarp)","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_25x01.json","Recap":["The Doctor and Ace land on Earth and the Doctor is curious about a parked van with a strange antenna. The Doctor and Ace then go to I.M. Formans junk yard with the military scientists and discover a alien presence."],"Transcript":["REMEMBRANCE OF THE DALEKS","PART ONE","Run time: 24:33","[SCENE_BREAK]","1: EXT. SPACE","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Planet Earth in space while a sound montage of cultural speakers from the 1960s... A dalek mother ship approaches the Earth.)","J F KENNEDY (O.C.): Our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future.","M L KING (O.C.): I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up...","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ OPENING TITLES ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","2: EXT. OUTSIDE COAL HILL SCHOOL","[SCENE_BREAK]","(A school bell rings and the playing children pile into the school yard. The DOCTOR and ACE emerge from a corner, the TARDIS behind them. ACE's ghetto blaster is at full blast. A young girl across the road stares at ACE.)","ACE: What's she staring at?","DOCTOR: Your clothing's a little anachronistic for this time period (Takes notice of ghetto blaster) And that doesn't help...","(The DOCTOR switches off Ace's ghetto blaster.)","ACE: Well, it's not my fault this decade got no street cred. I mean, look at that kid.","(ACE turns to look at the girl again. But she is gone. The DOCTOR suddenly becomes aware of the black van parked beside the road.)","DOCTOR: Strange...","ACE: Oi, professor, can we get something to eat now?","(The DOCTOR turns to Ace.)","DOCTOR: You're not carrying any Nitro-9 explosives in there?","ACE: No.","DOCTOR: What do you make of that van?","ACE: Dunno. TV detector van?","DOCTOR: No. Wrong type of aerial... For this time period, that's a very sophisticated piece of equipment.","ACE: What's so sophisticated about that rig? I've seen better aerials on a CB... Professor, I'm hungry! Lack of food makes me hungry, ya know.","DOCTOR: Lack of food makes you obstreperous... Why don't you go and buy some consumables? There's a cafe down there. While I undertake a detailed and scientific examination of that van that has so singularly failed to grab your attention.","ACE: Right.","(ACE begins to walk off.)","DOCTOR: Ace!","(ACE stops and turns back to the DOCTOR.)","ACE: What?","(The DOCTOR slides up from behind the van holding a small bag in his right hand.)","DOCTOR: Money.","ACE: Oh.","(ACE approaches the DOCTOR and takes the small bag.)","ACE: Thanks.","(ACE walks off again while the DOCTOR circles the van. The mysterious girl appears from the doorway.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","3: INT. CAFE","[SCENE_BREAK]","(ACE enters the cafe. She approaches a table and places her ghetto blaster and her baseball bat on it. Yet unnamed, MIKE watches this weird girl. ACE sees a jukebox playing in the corner of the cafe. She approaches it. The jukebox plays \"Return to Sender\".)","[SCENE_BREAK]","4: EXT. OUTSIDE COAL HILL SCHOOL","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The DOCTOR climbs up from a ladder on the side of the van. He balances on top of the van roof. He measures the length of the sophisticated aerial with his umbrella. The mysterious girl watches. Returning the umbrella to his pocket, the DOCTOR takes a silk from his pocket and ties it onto the aerial end. He looks about. The DOCTOR estimates something and points across the road. The mysterious girl disappears.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","5: INT. CAFE","[SCENE_BREAK]","(At the bar, ACE bashes an ashtray with a knife.)","ACE: Service! Oi! Anybody home?","MIKE: Not like that.","(ACE turns to MIKE, who gets up and approaches the bar.)","ACE: Like what then?","MIKE: Like this: Oi! Harry! Customer!","(ACE covers her ears.)","MIKE: Like that.","ACE: Right.","HARRY: Coming.","MIKE: See. It's easy when you know how.","(MIKE returns to his table. HARRY appears.)","HARRY: Right. Give it a rest Mike. I had enough of that during the war... Er, can I help you, miss?","ACE: Oh yeah. Four bacon sandwiches and a cup of coffee, please.","HARRY: Four bacon sandwiches and one cup of coffee. Righty-ho.","(ACE empties the small bag the DOCTOR gave her earlier on the cafe bar. She squints at the weird coins.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","6: EXT. COAL HILL SCHOOL PLAY GROUND","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The DOCTOR peers into the schoolyard. The mysterious girl is playing hopscotch on the gridded playground, singing. The DOCTOR runs over to a dark patch on the floor. He brushes his finger against it and tastes. The DOCTOR approaches the girl, intending to talk to her. The girl stops and runs off.)","DOCTOR: She doesn't talk to strangers... Very wise...","(The DOCTOR puts his umbrella handle into the breast pocket of his jacket. He pulls out a small measuring device. Looking at it, the DOCTOR returns the device to his pocket and walks off.)","(The mysterious girl watches the DOCTOR from afar just within the Boys toilet doorway.)","GIRL: (Singing) Five, six, seven eight. It's a doctor at the gate.","[SCENE_BREAK]","7: EXT. OUTSIDE COAL HILL SCHOOL","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The DOCTOR exits the school playground. He suddenly runs across the road and over to the mysterious black van, he pulls the back door open and jumps inside.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","8: INT. BACK OF VAN","[SCENE_BREAK]","(A woman, RACHEL, sits before several measuring machines. The DOCTOR sits down in front of them. RACHEL mistakes the DOCTOR for someone else.)","RACHEL: You took your time. Get on the radio and tell the Captain. I think I've located --","DOCTOR: The source of magnetic fluctuation, perhaps.","(The DOCTOR reaches forward and begins adjusting mechanisms on the machines.)","RACHEL: A path fluctuation, yes.","DOCTOR: I thought so... Any possibility of natural phenomena?","RACHEL: Not likely. It's a repeated sequence.","DOCTOR: So, it's artificial in origin.","RACHEL: Yes. Excuse me?","DOCTOR: Yes?","RACHEL: Who are you?","DOCTOR: The Doctor.","RACHEL: I'm Rachel. Professor Rachel Jensen.","DOCTOR: How do you do? I'm sure I've heard of you.","(Suddenly a voice comes over the communication equipment. RACHEL pulls up her headphones and flips a switch.)","VOICE: Red 4. Red 4, come in please.","RACHEL: Red 4 receiving. Listen, Group Captain, there's this man... What? ... On my way.","[SCENE_BREAK]","9: EXT. OUTSIDE THE TARDIS","[SCENE_BREAK]","(ACE and MIKE walk along the pavement beside the parked TARDIS.)","ACE: 12 pennies to the shilling. 8 shillings to the pound right?","MIKE: No. 20 shillings to the pound. That makes 240 pennies in a pound. Where are you from anyway?","ACE: Pervaile. Why? Oh, this is a stupid system. 12 pennies to the shilling, 20 shillings to the pound, right?","MIKE: Yeah. Are you from somewhere else?","ACE: No ... So what's half a crown?","MIKE: Well that's easy --","RACHEL: Sergeant!","(MIKE runs over to RACHEL beside the van.)","ACE: Sergeant?","RACHEL: The Group Captain says he's under attack. We have to get moving.","(MIKE runs to the driver's seat and RACHEL runs to the passenger side of the van. The DOCTOR pops out from the back of the van.)","DOCTOR: Ace, get in here!","(ACE runs up and jumps into the van. RACHEL pulls the passenger door open.)","RACHEL: Matthews is hurt.","MIKE: Where are they?","(RACHEL sits in the van and holds the side of the door.)","RACHEL: At the secondary source, Totters Lane.","[SCENE_BREAK]","10: EXT. TOTTER'S LANE JUNKYARD","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Group Captain GILMORE lays a rug over Matthews. The van approaches the junkyard gates. People surround the gates. MIKE pulls the van up. A policeman stands there.)","MIKE: Military.","(The policeman nods his acceptance. The gates are opened and the van drives in. The gates are closed again. The van parks and ACE and the DOCTOR jump out from the back of the van. The DOCTOR approaches Group Captain GILMORE who helps RACHEL out of the van.)","DOCTOR: What's the situation?","GILMORE: Who the devil are you?","DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor and this is Ace. You must be with the military.","GILMORE: Well, how do you know?","DOCTOR: I'm very perceptive.","GILMORE: Is he with you professor?","RACHEL: Yes.","GILMORE: Smith.","MIKE: Sir?","GILMORE: Take the girl and set up a position by Red 6.","MIKE: Yes, sir. Come on, Ace.","(MIKE and ACE head off for Red 6.)","GILMORE: You better come and take a look.","(Group Captain GILMORE, the DOCTOR and Rachel walk over to the covered Matthews. The DOCTOR pulls back the cover and unzips Matthews' overalls. He places his hand through Matthews' shirt.)","DOCTOR: No evidence of tissue damage... Ah, massive internal displacement.","GILMORE: What?","DOCTOR: His insides are scrambled. Very nasty.","RACHEL: The effect of the blast?","DOCTOR: No. A projected energy weapon.","GILMORE: Projected what?","RACHEL: A death ray?","DOCTOR: Very succinct... I presume you've got reinforcements coming.","GILMORE: Any minute now.","(The DOCTOR leaves RACHEL and GILMORE with Matthews to examine the presumed dangerous area from behind some \"junk\".)","GILMORE: This is preposterous. A death ray? It's unbelievable.","(The DOCTOR overhears GILMORE.)","DOCTOR: What a predictable response.","(ACE and MIKE run over to the black van.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","11: INT. RED 6 VAN","[SCENE_BREAK]","MIKE: Miss Williams.","(Nothing.)","MIKE: Allison!","(ALLISON appears.)","ALLISON: Sergeant, at last! How's Matthews?","MIKE: He's dead. Is Blue 1 responding?","ALLISON: What? Blue 1 yes. They'll be here in a minute. Dead, are you sure?","[SCENE_BREAK]","12: EXT. JUNKYARD","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The DOCTOR returns to GILMORE and RACHEL)","DOCTOR: Whatever fired that weapon's trapped in there. There's no way out.","GILMORE: How can you be sure?","DOCTOR: I've been here before.","(The reinforcements turn up. The truck stops and a SERGEANT exists the front seat.)","SERGEANT: Right, everybody out!","(He bashes the side of the truck with his hand.)","SERGEANT: Come on, quickly. Move it, move it.","(The soldiers pile out of the truck and line up behind it.)","SERGEANT: Squad, atten'shun!","(The soldiers stand attention.)","GILMORE: Stand at ease!","(The soldiers do so.)","GILMORE: Right, now, the situation is this: we have an armed hostile pegged up in that lean-to shed. I want the squad to cover the entrance. No firing unless I give the command, is that understood?","(The soldiers nod their acceptance.)","GILMORE: Remember he's armed and hostile, so keep under cover as much as possible... Sergeant.","SERGEANT: Sir.","GILMORE: Detail some men to clear these civilians.","SERGEANT: Yes, sir.","(The SERGEANT departs and heads towards the end of the patrol line up.)","SERGEANT: You two, come down with me and we'll sort this lot out.","(The two soldiers stand at attention and follow the SERGEANT towards the arguing public.)","SERGEANT: All fall back as far as possible, please. There is nothing to be seen here.","GILMORE: Smith.","MIKE: Sir?","GILMORE: Take two men and get Matthews out of here.","MIKE: Yes, sir... You two, fall out, follow me.","(MIKE runs off with the two soldiers behind him.)","DOCTOR: I don't think you realise what you're dealing with here.","GILMORE: Doctor, I assure you that these men are hand picked. They can deal with anything... provided they can see it. Right men, take up positions.","(The soldiers do so. The DOCTOR joins ACE and ALLISON beside a black van. MIKE and two soldiers run over to Matthews.)","MIKE: Take his arms. Move him back to the truck.","(The soldiers do so and drag Matthews over towards the truck. An energy bolt suddenly fires across the junk yard hitting one of the soldiers dragging Matthews. He flies backwards and into some metal roofing.)","DOCTOR: Down!","(The DOCTOR, ACE and ALLISON duck behind the van.)","GILMORE: Covering fire now!","(The soldiers, MIKE and GILMORE open fire on the lean-to shed.)","GILMORE: Cease firing!","(They stop. The DOCTOR and RACHEL run over to the truck Gilmore stands behind.)","GILMORE: Get down!","RACHEL: What was it?","DOCTOR: That was your death ray.","RACHEL: I know that... but how? To transmit focused energy at that level, it's incredible. It's...","DOCTOR: Yes?","RACHEL: It's... beyond the realm of current technology.","GILMORE: If you could save the science lecture for a less precipitous moment. Now perhaps, Doctor, you could tell me what is going on?","DOCTOR: You must pull your men back now. It's our only chance.","GILMORE: It's preposterous. We can't disengage now! Whatever's in there, my men can handle it. Sergeant!","DOCTOR: Listen to me, Brigadier!","GILMORE: Group Captain. Group Captain Gilmore!","DOCTOR: Nothing you possess will be effective against what's in there!","(The SERGEANT runs up behind the DOCTOR and RACHEL.)","SERGEANT: Sir?","GILMORE: Three men, rifled-grenades. Even spread, left right and centre. Fire on my command.","SERGEANT: Yes, sir.","(The SERGEANT runs off.)","DOCTOR: Captain, you're not dealing with human beings here.","GILMORE: What am I dealing with? Little green men?","DOCTOR: No. Little green blobs in bonded-polycarbite armour.","(The SERGEANT runs up behind the truck again.)","SERGEANT: The grenades are ready, sir.","DOCTOR: Group Captain Gilmore.","GILMORE: Fire.","DOCTOR: Humans.","SERGEANT: Fire!","(The grenades are fired. And the shed is torn to pieces. ACE runs up behind the truck and to the DOCTOR's side.)","ACE: That's some serious hardware. Did you see that, professor? Unsophisticated, but impressive.","GILMORE: Smith!","MIKE: Sir?","GILMORE: Get on the radio and call up Blue 4 and 6. Tell 4 to pick up an ambulance on the way.","MIKE: Yes, sir.","DOCTOR: It doesn't matter how many men you get here. It isn't going to make any difference.","GILMORE: Doctor, my men have just put three high-explosive grenades into a confined area. Nothing even remotely human could have survived that.","DOCTOR: That's the point group, captain, it isn't even remotely human.","(MIKE runs over to a black van, jumps in and pulls the door shut. He picks up a large walkie-talkie thing and activates it.)","MIKE: Blue 4, Blue 4, this is Red 6, come in please.","BLUE 4: Red 6 receiving.","MIKE: Blue 4, Group Captain Gilmore requests that you pick up an ambulance and proceed to Bravo Delta.","(Suddenly another energy bolt blasts through the van window and hits a group of barrels some distance behind it. The soldiers open fire on the shed again.)","GILMORE: Cease firing! Cease firing!","(The firing stops.)","GILMORE: Wait for a target!","(Suddenly a grey-coloured dalek appears.)","GILMORE: Fire!","(They all open fire on the dalek. It fires back.)","DOCTOR: Aim for the eyepiece!","(The DOCTOR turns to ACE.)","DOCTOR: Ace, give me some of that Nitro-9 you're not carrying.","(ACE opens her rucksack.)","DOCTOR: Quickly.","(ACE hands the DOCTOR a can.)","DOCTOR: And another.","(ACE hands the DOCTOR another can.)","ACE: It's my last can.","DOCTOR: I should hope so too.","(The DOCTOR begins to run off but stops and turns back to ACE.)","DOCTOR: Erm... How long? The fuse?","ACE: 10 seconds.","DOCTOR: That's long enough.","(The DOCTOR runs off towards the dalek. GILMORE points his gun round the front of the truck. RACHEL is behind him.)","GILMORE: When I tell you, head for the entrance. Take the girl with you.","RACHEL: Then what?","GILMORE: I'll meet you back at HQ. Go now, Rachel!","(GILMORE fires his \"chunky\" weapon. The DOCTOR takes shelter behind a barrel.)","DOCTOR: Oi, dalek!","(He whistles his attention for the dalek.)","DOCTOR: It's me... the Doctor! ... What's the matter? Don't you recognise your mortal enemy?","(The dalek starts to head towards the DOCTOR. The DOCTOR turns away from is and pulls the caps off the top of the Nitro-9 cans with his teeth. The firing squad cease firing.)","DOCTOR: (Three, four, five, six...)","(The DOCTOR places the cans of Nitro-9 on the ground. He heads off, just as the dalek reaches the explosives. The explosives reach their countdown and explode as the dalek just crosses over them. The DOCTOR jumps to the ground.)","GILMORE: Smith!","ACE: Doctor!","(ACE runs over to the DOCTOR and helps him up.)","DOCTOR: Ace, you said ten seconds.","ACE: Nobody's perfect, Professor. Are you all right?","DOCTOR: Of course I am. Can you drive?","ACE: Why?","DOCTOR: Good, I thought so. Get in there.","(The DOCTOR and ACE jump into a squad van as RACHEL and ALLISON run over to the remains of the dalek.)","GILMORE: I want an emergency team here at the double. Put a guard on that thing. Inform command HQ; we will be returning there at once! And I want a weapons team at the Coal Hill School.","MIKE: Sir.","(MIKE starts to head off.)","GILMORE: And Smith!","(MIKE stops and turns back.)","GILMORE: And I want them armed with ATRs.","MIKE: Yes, sir.","(RACHEL dips her pencil into the green remains of the dalek creature. GILMORE walks up behind them, looking at the remains.)","RACHEL: It has an organic content.","ALLISON: Or occupant.","GILMORE: What the devil is it?","[SCENE_BREAK]","14: INT. VAN","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The DOCTOR and ACE sit in the truck.)","DOCTOR: A dalek. Only trouble is, it's the wrong dalek.","(ACE is trying to start the van's engine while the DOCTOR cleans his clothes, hat and umbrella.)","ACE: Is the right one better or worse?","DOCTOR: Yes... Choke.","ACE: No, thanks.","(The DOCTOR leans forward and pulls the engine choke. The van starts up immediately. MIKE appears at the van window.)","MIKE: What do you think you're doing?","DOCTOR: Borrowing your van.","(ACE drives the van off through the junkyard gates.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","15: INT. VAN","[SCENE_BREAK]","ACE: These Day-leks...","DOCTOR: Daleks.","ACE: Oh, Daleks. Where are they from?","DOCTOR: From Skaro, or at least originally. They're the mutated remains of a species called the Kaleds. Left here.","ACE: When were the left here?","DOCTOR: No. Turn left here.","ACE: Oh right.","DOCTOR: No left! You missed the turning!","ACE: What turn? Where?","DOCTOR: Why don't you concentrate on where you're going?","ACE: Look, I'm doing the best I can! If you don't like it, you drive!","(The van enters a dark tunnel. ACE suddenly finds herself in the passenger seat and the DOCTOR at the driving wheel.)","DOCTOR: The Kaleds were at war with the Thals. They had a dirty nuclear war. The resulting mutations were then accelerated by their chief scientist, Davros. What he created them, he then placed them in a metal war machine. And that's how the Daleks came about...","ACE: So that metal thing had a creature inside controlling it?","DOCTOR: Exactly. And ever since the Daleks were created they've tried to conquer and enslave as much as the universe as they can get their grubby protuberances on.","ACE: And now they want to conquer the Earth.","DOCTOR: Nothing so mundane. They conquer the Earth in the 22<sup>nd<\/sup> Century... No. They want the Hand of Omega.","ACE: What's that?","DOCTOR: One thing at a time, Ace.","(The van drives off round a corner.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","16: INT. COMMAND HQ CORRIDOR","[SCENE_BREAK]","(GILMORE exits a door. MIKE and RATCLIFFE appear.)","MIKE: Sir.","GILMORE: Yes, sergeant? What is it? Who is this man?","MIKE: Sorry, sir. This is Mr Ratcliffe. He's brought some of his men, I think they can be of some use to us.","GILMORE: You do, do you?","(GILMORE turns to RATCLIFFE.)","GILMORE: Mr Ratcliffe.","RATCLIFFE: Please to meet you, sir.","(RATCLIFFE extends his arm offering a handshake.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","17: INT. COMMAND HQ CONTROL ROOM","[SCENE_BREAK]","RACHEL: We must get that dalek to a well equipped laboratory.","ALLISON: And a half-decent biologist.","RACHEL: What do you do think we should do?","ALLISON: You're the Scientific Advisor, it's your decision.","RACHEL: Before I make any suggestions I want to catch up with the Doctor.","ALLISON: Who is he anyway?","RACHEL: Someone who knows a lot more about Daleks then we do. When I get hold of him I'm going to get some answers out of him... or...","ALLISON: Or what?","RACHEL: I'll set you onto him.","ALLISON: He certainly seems to have a detailed knowledge of the Daleks. And given that they are not terrestrial, it is possible that he is...","RACHEL: Not of this Earth ... An alien?","ALLISON: I just wish he was more obvious. You know, if he had green skin or antenna sticking out of his head or something.","[SCENE_BREAK]","18: EXT. OUTSIDE COAL HILL SCHOOL","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The van rolls up and stops beside the road. The DOCTOR and ACE jump out of the van. The DOCTOR carries ACE's rucksack. He struggles to take it off through the arm with his umbrella attached.)","ACE: Why are we here?","DOCTOR: This is where Rachel detected the primary source of the transmissions.","(The DOCTOR hands ACE her rucksack. In her other hand is her ghetto blaster. ACE follows the DOCTOR towards the school. The DOCTOR and ACE begin to enter the school. The mysterious girl watch the DOCTOR and ACE.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","19: INT. COAL HILL SCHOOL","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The HEADMASTER pins up a piece of paper on the notice board. He notices the DOCTOR and walks over.)","HEADMASTER: Ah.","(The HEADMASTER walks over to the DOCTOR and ACE as they enter. The DOCTOR raises his hat taking the HEADMASTER's hand.)","DOCTOR: Good Afternoon.","HEADMASTER: And you would be?","DOCTOR: The Doctor. And you?","HEADMASTER: I'm the Headmaster here... Doctor, eh? Well, you're a bit over-qualified for the position... but... if you would like to leave your particulars and references.","DOCTOR: References?","HEADMASTER: You are here for the position of school caretaker?","DOCTOR: Oh, no. We're here for a completely different reason.","HEADMASTER: Oh... what can I do for you then?","DOCTOR: Well, we would like to look round your school, if you don't mind?","HEADMASTER: I'm afraid that is out of the question.","DOCTOR: We've got reason to believe there is a great evil at work somewhere in this school.","HEADMASTER: You will have to be more specific, Doctor.","(Suddenly the HEADMASTER draws his finger to behind his left ear as his higher power gives him orders.)","HEADMASTER: But I don't think it would do any harm... if you were to have a quick look round.","DOCTOR: Thank you.","HEADMASTER: My pleasure.","(The DOCTOR and ACE walk off leaving the HEADMASTER standing there.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","20: COMMAND HQ CONTROL ROOM","[SCENE_BREAK]","GILMORE: Smith.","MIKE: Sir?","GILMORE: Are the anti-tank rockets being issued?","MIKE: They're being taken direct to their position, sir. An additional consignment is going to the school.","GILMORE: Good. Any news on the Doctor's whereabouts?","MIKE: Red 4 has been seen in the Coal Hill area, sir.","GILMORE: He must be heading back to the school.","RACHEL: What is happening about the dalek?","MIKE: Don't worry. It's under guard... It's safe.","[SCENE_BREAK]","21: EXT. TOTTERS LAND JUNKYARD","[SCENE_BREAK]","(RATCLIFFE's men pull the remains of the dalek casing onto a truck.)","RATCLIFFE: Right, get the tarpaulin over it.","(They do so.)","RATCLIFFE: Come on lads... Let's see you move.... Right, let's go.","(RATCLIFFE and man enter the front seats of the truck, while the others stay on the back of the truck. The truck drives off.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","22: INT. COAL HILL SCHOOL SCIENCE LAB CLASSROOM","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The DOCTOR and ACE enter the classroom. The DOCTOR plays with the scientific equipment.)","ACE: You were expecting this Daleks, weren't you?","DOCTOR: Yes. They're following me.","ACE: I wouldn't be so happy if I had a bunch of Daleks on my case.","DOCTOR: You can always judge a man by the quality of his enemies.","(The DOCTOR disappears to the classroom window while ACE jumps up onto the lab table. She picks up a large black book, the cover reads \"THE FRENCH REVOLUTION\".)","DOCTOR: Come and look at this.","(ACE puts the book down and walks over to the DOCTOR. The DOCTOR opens the classroom window and leans outside.)","DOCTOR: What do you make of that?","(The DOCTOR points down towards the playground.)","ACE: It's a playground.","DOCTOR: The burn marks. See them? ... Well?","ACE: A landing pattern for some kind of spacecraft, isn't it?","DOCTOR: Very good.","ACE: But this is Earth, 1963. Someone would of noticed, I would have heard about it?","DOCTOR: Do you remember the Zygon gambit with the Lock Ness Monster? Or the Yetis in the Underground?","ACE: The what?","DOCTOR: Your species has the most amazing capacity for self-deception matched by only its ingenuity when trying to destroy itself.","(The DOCTOR walks off to a lab table and plays with a beaker. ACE closes the window.)","ACE: If the Daleks are following you, what are they after?","DOCTOR: When I was here before, I left something behind.","ACE: You mean the Hand of Omega?","DOCTOR: Yes.","(The DOCTOR walks out the classroom door. ACE follows.)","ACE: What is the Hand of Omega?","DOCTOR: Something very dangerous.","[SCENE_BREAK]","23: INT. WAREHOUSE","[SCENE_BREAK]","(RATCLIFFE pulls the tarpaulin off the dalek casing.)","VOICE: Report.","(RATCLIFFE walks into his office. In the corner is a mysterious person sitting within what appears to be dalek base.)","RATCLIFFE: My men have recovered the machine. The Doctor is co-operating with the military.","VOICE: That is to be expected. I must be informed of his movements.","RATCLIFFE: Yes, yes. We have our contacts. I will see that he is followed.","(RATCLIFFE places his umbrella on a stand.)","RATCLIFFE: That dalek machine.","VOICE: Yes?","RATCLIFFE: I should like to know exactly what it is?","VOICE: The machine, a tool. Nothing more...","[SCENE_BREAK]","24: INT. COAL HILL SCHOOL OUTSIDE CELLAR","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The DOCTOR and ACE step down a staircase.)","ACE: What are we looking for?","DOCTOR: Ssh. Whoever it was landed their spaceship in the playground...","ACE: And that would be?","DOCTOR: More Daleks.","ACE: Great. I thought it might be something really nasty (!)","DOCTOR: Ah, the cellar. Could be in there...","ACE: Why the cellar?","DOCTOR: Good place to put things... cellars.","(The DOCTOR opens the cellar door. They both enter. The HEADMASTER watches them from his office door.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","25: INT. CELLAR","[SCENE_BREAK]","ACE: I wish I had some Nitro-9.","DOCTOR: So do I.","ACE: What are you expecting to find down here anyway?","DOCTOR: The unknown.","ACE: Oh. Isn't that a bit dangerous?","DOCTOR: Probably. But then if I knew what was down here, I wouldn't have to look.","(ACE takes her baseball bat from her bang. The two further down the cellar steps and find a transmat machine. ACE steps onto the platform.)","ACE: This is some severe technology.","(The DOCTOR begins to examine the transmat controls. He opens a panel.)","DOCTOR: Yes. Very elegant, very advanced. Flock circuitry elements...","ACE: What is it?","DOCTOR: A transmat. A matter transmitter... but transmitting from where? ... Think about 300 kilometres.","ACE: Professor? ... Something's activated it.","DOCTOR: Very unlikely. It's probably got an automatic activator...","(Pieces of a dalek creature suddenly materialise on the transmat platform.)","DOCTOR: What? You're right! Something is beginning to come through.","ACE: It's another dalek.","DOCTOR: Excellent.","ACE: Will this one be friendly?","DOCTOR: I sincerely doubt that.","(The DOCTOR turns to the transmat controls.)","DOCTOR: Now if I can just get the transmitter to de-phase at the critical point...","ACE: Doctor!","DOCTOR: Any moment now. Quick! Down!","(The DOCTOR and ACE jump to the floor. The dalek emerges and suddenly disintegrates and disappears. ACE and the DOCTOR get up from the floor.)","ACE: The controls have gone dead.","DOCTOR: Yes... The de-phase must have caused an overload.","ACE: What did you do to it?","DOCTOR: Well... I persuaded one half of the dalek to materialise where its other half was materialising. The two halves tried to co-exist at the same point. The resulting reaction destroyed it... Dangerous things, transmats...","ACE: So no more Daleks can be transported through here?","DOCTOR: Well, it will show them down a bit until the operator can repair the systems.","ACE: The operator?","DOCTOR: Yes, the Daleks usually leave an operator on station in case of any malfunctions.","ACE: And that would be another dalek...?","(Realising what ACE just said the DOCTOR looks round at her.)","DOCTOR: Yes.","DALEK: STAY WHERE YOU ARE! DO NOT MOVE!","(A cream and gold dalek appears from the darkness of the cellar and heads straight for the DOCTOR and ACE.)","DOCTOR: The stairs!","(ACE heads up the stairs and through the door. The DOCTOR struggles up the stairs. ACE bumps into the HEADMASTER.)","ACE: Oh sorry.","(The HEADMASTER knees ACE in the stomach and pushes her to the ground. He looks the cellar door.)","DOCTOR: Ace! Ace! Open the door! Hurry! Open...","(The DOCTOR turns around to see the dalek hovering up the stairs towards him. It has its gun centred on him. The DOCTOR backs against the locked cellar door.)","DALEK: YOU ARE THE DOCTOR. YOU ARE THE ENEMY OF THE DALEKS! YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"25x01","Episode Title":"Remembrance of the Daleks - part 1","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_25x08.json","Recap":["A group of neo-Nazis in South America are seeking the Nemesis Statue - as is a shuttle full of Cybermen and the mysterious Lady Peinforte from the 17th century."],"Transcript":["SILVER NEMESIS","PART ONE","Run time: 24:31","[SCENE_BREAK]","De Flores's villa","[SCENE_BREAK]","Karl: Herr De Flores. Herr De Flores. Wonderful news.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lady Peinforte's home","[SCENE_BREAK]","Richard: Very good, my lady.","Peinforte: How much longer?","Richard: He cannot hear you, my lady. Shall I...","Peinforte: Leave him. There'll be time enough to punish his impertinence when he's finished.","Peinforte: Put this with the others. Are you so very feeble? The poison cannot harm unless the arrow's tip should break the skin. Let who will steal my gold.","Richard: And the silver arrow, my lady?","Peinforte: Leave that to me. You're sure the potion is well mixed?","Richard: On my life, ma'am. I guarantee it.","Peinforte: Good. We await but the calculation. Perhaps the fee will speed matters.","[SCENE_BREAK]","De Flores's villa","[SCENE_BREAK]","De Flores: Gentlemen. I wonder if even you can fully appreciate what this moment means. You're standing now at the turning point of history. The day of fulfillment of our mighty destiny is about to dawn. Fifty years ago, I stood at the side of the Fuehrer himself when he ordered the first giant step to greatness, just as now the moment approaches for the second and final one. It will be decisive, for this time, this time we must not fail. Gentlemen, I give you the Fourth Reich.","All: The Fourth Reich.","Karl: Herr De Flores, the aircraft is ready.","De Flores: We leave at once.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lady Peinforte's home","[SCENE_BREAK]","Richard: My lady, there is but the final ingredient for the liquid wanting. For that I was thinking...","Mathematician: My lady? Lady Peinforte? I've finished.","Peinforte: You have the answer?","Mathematician: Yes, my lady.","Peinforte: Quickly, then. Tell me.","Mathematician: The comet Nemesis will circle the heavens once every twenty five years.","Peinforte: Yes.","Mathematician: It's trajectory, however, is decaying. This...","Peinforte: When will it land?","Mathematician: It will circle ever closer until finally it once again strikes the Earth at the point from which it originally departed, the meadow outside.","Peinforte: When?","Mathematician: When. Oh, yes. Yes, of course. On the twenty third day of November in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and eighty eight.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Black Jack's Mill - garden","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: I could listen to them all afternoon.","The Doctor: And so we shall.","Ace: Have you seen this? Charlton picked up three points.","The Doctor: This is my favourite kind of jazz, straight blowing.","Ace: I hate people whose alarms go off during gigs.","The Doctor: What's this? It's a reminder.","Ace: Well, go on, then.","The Doctor: Well, obviously, at this precise moment it's a reminder to change course for another destination.","Ace: Where's that?","The Doctor: I've forgotten. Oh, we'll have to go back and find out.","Ace: Oh, Professor.","Ace: Excuse me, would you mind signing my tape?","Courtney: Not at all.","Ace: Thanks.","Courtney: Okay.","Ace: Bye.","The Doctor: Don't you find it embarrassing asking for autographs?","Ace: Not as embarrassing as forgetting what you set your alarm for.","The Doctor: Well, I probably arranged it centuries ago.","Ace: Doctor!","The Doctor: Get down!","Ace: Who are they?","The Doctor: Couldn't see. Quick, the TARDIS.","Ace: Hope my tape's all right.","The Doctor: Welcome home.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lady Peinforte's home","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mathematician: I could build a flying machine. Imagine that, my lady. Human beings flying about like birds.","Peinforte: Bring the cups of potion. We leave at once.","Richard: The final ingredient, my lady? Human blood?","Mathematician: Why, I can change the world.","Peinforte: Ah, yes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Riverside","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor (O.C.): Ace!","Ace: Yeah?","The Doctor (O.C.): Duck.","The Doctor: No, duck.","Ace: Oh, great. Now I can play my tape.","The Doctor: Afraid not.","Ace: Why not? It's my tape deck. You built it for me.","The Doctor: Yes, I know I built it for you to replace the one that was destroyed by the Daleks, but...","Ace: So? It's my tape deck and I want to play this.","The Doctor: This is more than just a tape deck. And besides, we've more to worry about than just listening to your tape.","Ace: Yeah. So who were they, anyway? Who'd want to kill us?","The Doctor: I'm afraid there's an infinite number of possibilities. What concerns me more is my alarm. Got to find out what it was supposed to be.","Ace: Can't you remember anything about it?","The Doctor: I'm afraid not. Obviously the arrangements were made in rather a hurry. They are important. I've given them a terminal rating.","Ace: Sounds nice.","The Doctor: It means that some planet somewhere faces imminent destruction.","Ace: Crikey.","The Doctor: Quite.","The Doctor: That looks familiar. Earth.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lady Peinforte's home","[SCENE_BREAK]","Peinforte: Afraid?","Richard: Yes, my lady.","Peinforte: When I employed you, you lead me to believe you were a hardened criminal.","Richard: As my lady knows, before I entered your service I was found guilty of a large number of offences.","Peinforte: Then have the courage of your convictions. Drink. Drink!","Richard: What's happening, my lady?","Peinforte: We are leaving, Richard. Destiny beckons. We ride the back of time.","Richard: No. No! No!","Peinforte: Come back, you fool. You'll break the aura.","Richard: I can't! Please, my lady. I must stay.","Peinforte: It's too late.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Black Jack's Mill","[SCENE_BREAK]","Richard: Where are we, my lady?","Peinforte: Why, the very place we left, of course. My house in Windsor.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Riverside","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: You mean the world's going to end and you've forgotten about it?","The Doctor: I've been busy.","Ace: How long have you known?","The Doctor: Well, in strictly linear terms, as the chronometer flies, I've known since November the twenty third, 1638.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cellar","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: Hello. Ow!","Ace: Look at all this stuff.","The Doctor: Yes, that's exactly what we've got to do, look at all this stuff. You take that aisle.","Ace: What's it all for?","The Doctor: Presents.","Ace: Nobody gets this many presents.","The Doctor: Well, if you were a lady who travelled.","Ace: I am.","The Doctor: Yes, you're not always invited, but you are, you get presents, and then you need somewhere to store them.","Ace: Who does it all belong to? I mean, where are we?","The Doctor: Windsor.","Ace: Windsor? We're in the castle?","The Doctor: This is new.","Ace: I thought it'd be a lot posher than this.","The Doctor: It probably is, upstairs, but we're in the vault.","The Doctor: I'm looking for a silver bow we want to borrow.","Ace: We can't go nicking stuff in here.","The Doctor: It's only temporary.","Ace: It's probably treason. I'm too young to go to the Tower.","The Doctor: Listen, Ace, do I have to remind you that the safety of the world is at stake?","Ace: It might make a difference if you'd let me know what was going on, Professor, but I suppose there's no time.","The Doctor: Precisely.","The Doctor: There's even less time than I thought. Please, let's hurry.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Black Jack's Mill","[SCENE_BREAK]","Peinforte: Nemesis. She arrives.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cellar","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: Was that a bomb?","The Doctor: No, that was the return to Earth of a comet called Nemesis that has been in orbit for exactly three hundred and fifty years.","Ace: You're amazing, Professor, being able to tell all that just from the noise.","The Doctor: Wasn't difficult, really. It was me who launched it into space in the first place. This may qualify as the worst miscalculation since life crawled out of the seas on this sad planet.","Ace: Nobody's perfect. Hey, is this the bow?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Van","[SCENE_BREAK]","Karl: We're almost at Windsor, Herr De Flores. Shall I let the men walk around a little?","De Flores: No, Karl. We must not keep history waiting.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Black Jack's Mill","[SCENE_BREAK]","Richard: My lady, what carriage is that?","Peinforte: Hurry. The rogues will have the Nemesis.","Richard: I've not seen the like of it before. We must take care.","Peinforte: Oh, fie.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Van","[SCENE_BREAK]","De Flores: Nemesis has come to Earth on that piece of ground. In the new era, all this will be a shrine.","Karl: The men are ready in two assault groups. I will remain with you. We await only your order.","De Flores: Very good. Let's drive to the best hotel and refresh ourselves.","Karl: But Herr De Flores, there are only three policemen. We can take them now. You young people, always in such a hurry. Well, we were the same. Now, the statue is inside the meteor, which has just travelled through space. Have you any idea how hot it will be? How can we handle it? Since the British Government is completely unaware of its power, I'm sure we can rely on the police force to guard it safely until we're ready to collect it. I have every confidence in them.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cellar","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: The bow was in the case.","Ace: Ah. This case contained the bow of Nemesis, property of the Crown, which disappeared mysteriously in 1788. Legend has it that unless a place is kept for the bow in the Castle, the entire silver statue will return to destroy the world.","The Doctor: For once legend is absolutely correct. It has just returned.","The Doctor: Oh, now this.","Ace: It's just the electricity.","Ace: It does that sometimes, even in the 1980s. What I want to know is, how can a statue destroy the world?","The Doctor: I'll tell you three hundred and fifty years ago.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lady Peinforte's home","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: Shush.","Ace: Sorry, Professor.","The Doctor: There might be someone at home.","Ace: Okay, Professor. So where are we now?","The Doctor: Windsor, of course. Only a few hundred yards from the Castle.","Ace: And is it really 1638?","The Doctor: It certainly is. And furthermore, don't move.","Ace: What?","The Doctor: Stay where you are.","Ace: What is it?","The Doctor: Something you don't want to see.","Ace: Who does this house belong to, anyway?","The Doctor: A lady.","Ace: She's got funny ideas about home furnishings.","The Doctor: Lady Peinforte's nothing if not original. I'm afraid this poor man was employed for his useful rather than his ornamental qualities. He's a scholar. He's done remarkably well. In a matter of months since I was last here, he's calculated the exact time and date when a comet called Nemesis will land on this planet. The twenty third of November.","Ace: 1988.","The Doctor: And Lady Peinforte's rewarded him with her usual generosity.","Ace: So the bow belonged to her?","The Doctor: Hmm? Oh, no, no. Not to her. To a statue of her. She made the statue from the silver metal that fell out of the sky into that meadow out there.","The Doctor: Hmm, this game is going rather badly.","Ace: Professor.","The Doctor: Don't worry. There's no one here now, apart from our late friend. Lady Peinforte's around all right, in Windsor, but three hundred and fifty years in the future.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Crash site","[SCENE_BREAK]","Richard: What means yon fellows? One speaks into his hand.","Peinforte: He summons guards. Oh, this cannot be.","Richard: Why so upset, my lady?","Peinforte: Because, fool, they will protect the Nemesis, and we know not their strength and weapons.","Richard: But, my lady, they know not what the comet is. Without the arrow, it is nothing. We must but watch and wait our chance to seize it.","Peinforte: Thou art not in all wise so useless, Richard.","Richard: My lady is too kind.","Peinforte: We shall withdraw and conceal ourselves.","Policeman: Three one eight to base. Hey look, there's someone inside.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lady Peinforte's home","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: How can she get to 1988?","The Doctor: She uses the silver arrow, of course, and she had some basic rudimentary knowledge about time travel. Black magic, mostly.","Ace: Black magic?","The Doctor: Mmm, and what you might call a nose for secrets.","The Doctor: Oh, dear.","Ace: So it wasn't just silver, this stuff that fell from the sky?","The Doctor: Unfortunately, Lady Peinforte discovered it was something rather more unusual. A living metal. Validium.","Ace: Living metal?","The Doctor: Yes, with just one purpose. Destruction.","Ace: But if you launched it into space, how come it's capable of destruction?","The Doctor: Later, Ace.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Crash site","[SCENE_BREAK]","Policeman: Don't bother trying again, it looks like the battery's dead.","Policeman: Hello? Hello?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Windsor Castle","[SCENE_BREAK]","Guide: You see here the guard. They're changed quite regularly. Of course, they're only changed in winter time. They normally stand here all the time in summer time. Now, will you follow me, please, ladies and gentlemen?","Ace: I've been here before.","The Doctor: D\u00e9j\u00e0 vu?","Ace: No, with the school.","The Doctor: Oh, very droll. I haven't been here since they were building the place. You remember the way around?","Ace: Not really. Windsor Castle's a big place.","The Doctor: Quite right. What we need's a guide. Come on.","Guide: Tower, and also further over there is the Mary Tudor Tower. Those gargoyles have been there for about five hundred years. They were built in 1509 originally, and the...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Courtyard","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: I really don't think we should be doing this.","The Doctor: This way? What do you think?","Ace: I don't know. I might be able to tell if I actually knew where we were going. We didn't actually cover the Royal residential areas on the school trip. There's someone coming.","The Doctor: Act as if you own the place.","Ace: Do what?","The Doctor: It always works. We own the place.","Ace: Doctor!","The Doctor: How annoying. I can't place that woman for the life of me.","Ace: Doctor!","The Doctor: It's all right, Ace. I know that woman from somewhere.","The Doctor (O.C.): What! Why didn't you say something?","Ace (O.C.): You wouldn't let me.","The Doctor: She's just the woman we need. Quick, after her. Ah ha!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Landing","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: It'll be very useful to have the armed forces and the police on our side, and can you suggest a better person to ask?","Ace: Come on.","The Doctor: There's no alternative.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Crash site","[SCENE_BREAK]","Richard: I am in a nightmare, or mad.","Peinforte: This is no madness. Tis England.","Richard: But the noise, lady. The foul air.","Richard: Yes, my lady. What will my lady do when you possess the Nemesis?","Peinforte: Why, first have revenge on that predictable little man. He will soon arrive, Richard. Oh yes, I expect him. This time there'll be a reckoning with the nameless Doctor whose power is so secret, for I have found his secret out. In good time, I will speak it. I shall be his downfall.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Landing","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: I've got to speak to her.","Security: Be quiet. We'll have a doctor here soon.","The Doctor: But I am a doctor!","Security: Don't get excited. How did you get in here?","The Doctor: I could tell you, but you won't believe me.","Security: Try me.","The Doctor: I travelled through time and space.","Security: Oh dear, oh dear.","The Doctor: Oh yes, very well, then. Let's forget about the armed forces.","Ace: But the Queen?","Security: Are you a patient with him?","Ace: Now, you'd better listen to him, weasel features, 'cos he's the Doctor.","Security: Oh, is he?","The Doctor: Listen, the fate of every living creature on this planet hangs in the balance.","Security: I don't believe you.","The Doctor: You will believe me. You will let us go. You will not move. You will move.","Ace: How did you do that?","The Doctor: It's easy once you know how. You have to make a spectacle of yourself.","Security: Hey!","The Doctor: Only trouble is, it doesn't last long.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gallery","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: Oh look, a Van Dyck.","Ace: Not now, Doctor.","Ace: Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me.","Security: Excuse me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Staircase","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: What now?","The Doctor: Back to the TARDIS. We're obviously not going to get any help here.","Ace: Professor, that's me.","The Doctor: What? Gosh, so it is. My goodness, what a good likeness.","Ace: How come I ended up here?","The Doctor: Well, it hasn't happened yet.","Ace: But it's two hundred years ago.","The Doctor: I know. We haven't done it. That's why you don't remember it.","Ace: It doesn't make sense.","The Doctor: Well, it did to Louis Armstrong, but then he really understood time.","Security: There they are. Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Crash site","[SCENE_BREAK]","Karl: Herr De Flores, I don't understand how the police have already been overcome.","De Flores: That is of no importance. All that matters is the Nemesis is safe.","De Flores: Your strength returns. Soon you will be completely restored. But where's the arrow? The arrow, where is it?","De Flores: Find it. Find it!","The Doctor: I only hope we're not to late.","The Doctor: Er, don't be afraid. We won't harm you.","Karl: How did you get here? I searched that section, there was no one there.","De Flores: Never mind, Karl. You will see many signs and wonders in the days to come. Give me the arrow of Nemesis.","The Doctor: Fortunately, I haven't seen it since 1638, when it disappeared along with the good Lady Peinforte.","De Flores: Rubbish. You. Where is the arrow?","Ace: I don't know anything about it.","The Doctor: She really doesn't. Allow me to explain, Ace.","The Doctor: For the validium to become active, it must have a sufficient quantity of critical mass. The statue alone is no good without the bow.","De Flores: I have the bow.","The Doctor: And the arrow. Now, if someone could put the bow and arrow into the statue's hands...","De Flores: They have the power of life and death, not only over this Earth but any planet in existence. You seem remarkably well-informed for someone who claims to know nothing.","The Doctor: I simply notice what is obvious. You, apparently, don't.","De Flores: What do you mean?","The Doctor: You see those policemen there? They've been attacked by technology more advanced and more terrible than you could imagine.","Karl: What technology?","The Doctor: And you might also have observed the electricity supply being drained over the last few days.","Ace: Like at the Castle?","The Doctor: Yes.","De Flores: Tell me where the arrow is. I want you to tell me where to find the arrow!","The Doctor: I'm glad to say I can't.","De Flores: Then we will shoot her.","Ace: Doctor.","De Flores: Wait.","The Doctor: Don't move!","Ace: They saved my life.","The Doctor: Don't thank them yet. We might live to regret it.","Ace: What are they?","The Doctor: Cybermen."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"25x08","Episode Title":"Silver Nemesis - part 1","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_25x12.json","Recap":["The mysterious family watching the acts within the ring,dissatisfied with Nord, destroy him. Captain Cook goes to extreme measures to ensure he's not the next to displease them..."],"Transcript":["THE GREATEST SHOW IN THE GALAXY","PART TWO","Run time: 24:20","[SCENE_BREAK]","Outside the Circus","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: Listen, they're having a good time in there.","Ace: Don't you hear it?","The Doctor: Hear what?","Ace: That screaming.","The Doctor: I can't hear anything.","Ace: I was sure I heard...","The Doctor: Oh, you're just making excuses because you don't like circuses.","Ace: No. No, it's not that.","The Doctor: Well, are we going in or aren't we?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ticket office","[SCENE_BREAK]","Clown: Two more.","Morgana: Right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Outside the Circus","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: I did hear it, that screaming.","The Doctor: But not now.","The Doctor: So we can go in?","Ace: Yeah, okay.","The Doctor: Your enthusiasm's overwhelming.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ticket office","[SCENE_BREAK]","Morgana: Welcome one and all to the Psychic Circus.","The Doctor: Ace, you promised. I'm the Doctor and this is Ace. I must apologise for my young friend.","Morgana: Oh, it is no problem. All of us around here believe in letting our feelings hang out. I mean, there is no point in getting uptight, now is there?","Ace: I don't believe this.","Morgana: That is why we got into circuses in the first place.","The Doctor: We?","Morgana: The founder members of the Psychic Circus.","The Doctor: Ah, I see.","Morgana: We were really into personal expression and the Circus gave us a chance to develop ourselves by expressing our individual skills.","The Doctor: I wonder if you've a special skill, if I might enquire.","Morgana: Fortune telling. Would you like to see the future?","The Doctor: Not just yet.","The Doctor: The Psychic Circus has grown into quite a sizeable operation, by the looks of it.","Morgana: The greatest show in the galaxy.","The Doctor: Quite so, yes. My, you have travelled, haven't you? The planet Othris, the Boriatic Wastes, Marpesia and the Grand Pagoda of Cinethon.","Morgana: Yes, we used to have a great time in the old days, going from planet to planet. But we've really got settled in here since...","The Doctor: Since?","Morgana: Well, you have to hang up your travelling shoes and stop wandering sooner or later, don't you?","The Doctor: So I've been told. Personally, I just keep on wandering.","Ringmaster (O.C.): Will you please take your seats, thank you.","The Doctor: Ace?","Ace: Yes, Professor?","The Doctor: Well, are we going in or aren't we?","Morgana: You're sure you want to go in?","The Doctor: Yes, that's why we came here in the first place.","Morgana: Look, I don't know how to put this, but...","Morgana: Of course, go right in. Do your own thing. Enjoy yourselves.","The Doctor: Thank you. Oh, tickets. We forgot to buy some tickets.","Morgana: Tickets?","The Doctor: To go in.","Clown: Ha ha! You're in already.","The Doctor: Oh. Sounds as if you're doing really good business.","Clown: This way, please.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Big Top","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: Professor.","The Doctor: Yes?","Ace: I can't see a thing.","The Doctor: Neither can I.","Ace: And the cheering's stopped.","The Doctor: Perhaps we're between performances. Let's see if we can find a seat.","Ace: Found somewhere to sit, Professor?","The Doctor: That's one way of looking at it, if we could see. Over here.","Ace: What?","The Doctor: I said, over here.","The Doctor: In a moment our eyes'll get used to the darkness.","Ace: Assuming there's anything worth seeing.","The Doctor: Listen.","Girl: Daddy. Daddy.","Dad: What?","Girl: I want an ice cream.","Dad: You've already had one.","Girl: But Daddy.","Dad: I told you once and I'm not going to tell you again. Now shut up and eat your popcorn.","The Doctor: We're not alone.","Ace: Yeah, but it looks like it's just us and them. What a con. I mean, where's Mags and the Captain?","The Doctor: Perhaps they haven't arrived yet. Who knows? Anyway, I'm going to have an ice cream.","Mom: They should be starting up again soon. Have a crisp, Father.","The Doctor: Greetings. Not many in today, are there. Are you regulars or is this your first visit, too? Let me introduce myself. I'm...","The Doctor: Oh, thank you very much. Delicious.","Ace: Professor. Professor, it's starting.","The Doctor: Well, it's been a pleasure.","The Doctor: Remarkable.","Ace: If you like this sort of thing.","The Doctor: No, no, I mean the memorial stones. Do you see them? Look.","Ringmaster: Now welcome folks, I mean that from the heart, because the Greatest Show is about to start. It's happening right here before your very eyes and one thing's for sure, you're in for quite a surprise. But then, nothing's quite as it seems to be at the Greatest Show in the Galaxy.","Ringmaster: Now welcome folks, we've got a brand new act. He's a real find and no doubt that's a fact. He'll entertain you, he'll make you stare, and our great new act is seated over there!","The Doctor: Oh, thank you, but...","Ringmaster: Come on, Doctor. Don't be shy.","The Doctor: Well, I'm not really sure that I should.","Ringmaster: Oh, no false modesty. We know you're good.","The Doctor: Well, this is most unexpected. Are you sure you want me?","Ringmaster: There's no mistake, Doc. Come on in. Feel free.","Ace: Don't go, Professor.","The Doctor: Why, what harm could it do?","Ringmaster: Exactly. But the decision's up to you.","Ace: No, Doctor!","The Doctor: Well, you certainly didn't waste any time. I had expected to see what the opposition was up to before I put myself forward for the talent contest.","The Doctor: But since you insist.","Ringmaster: Oh, we do, but no doubt you'd like to get yourself prepared first.","The Doctor: Well, yes, I...","Ringmaster: Let me show you and your charming assistant to your dressing room.","The Doctor: Oh, thank you very much. Ace!","Clown: Where did you find that earring?","Ace: Are you a robot too?","Clown: No.","Ace: Pity.","Clown: So tell me where you found it.","Clown: After her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Backstage","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ringmaster: Right this way, Doctor.","The Doctor: Thank you very much, but where's Ace? I don't think she...","Ringmaster: Oh, she'll be coming.","Captain (O.C.): Iniphitus, where the Galvanic Catastrophods are not what they were.","Captain: No, but they're still worth a look if you're doing a tour of the southern nebula and have an eon or two to spare. You. Well, well.","The Doctor: Captain Cook, I presume. So you had arrived after all.","Captain: But of course. Come and join us, Doctor. It's one big happy family here, eh, Nord?","Nord: Except when you're gassing on.","The Doctor: Well, I don't really think I...","Captain: Nonsense, we're having a ball here.","The Doctor: Very well then. Mags. Do sit down, Doctor.","The Doctor: Thank you very much.","Captain: Yes, there we are. Comfy?","The Doctor: Yes.","Captain: That's the spirit.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cage","[SCENE_BREAK]","Captain: Anything the matter, old chap?","The Doctor: It's a trap! I've fallen into a trap! I've fallen for it.","Captain: Yes, I know, old boy. Never mind. Have some tea. A very similar thing happened to me once, you know.","The Doctor: Why?","Captain: Why what?","The Doctor: Why let me be trapped? It's so pointless. I could have saved you, Nord and Mags.","Captain: I wouldn't be too sure about that, Doctor. These circus chappies are pretty smart customers for all their let it all hang out mumbo jumbo.","Mags: Maybe we could have escaped if we'd made a break for it there and then. If only you'd...","Captain: Now, now, Mags. No use in getting upset, and that's an order.","The Doctor: What about you? I mean, why didn't you speak up?","The Doctor: What kind of answer's that?","Captain: Save your energy, Doctor. You'll soon see why. Anyway, all of us in here have developed a survival philosophy, which is why we welcomed you in.","The Doctor: What is all this, then? I thought there was a talent contest going on.","Captain: Well, yes, but in a way it's more like a survival of the fittest.","Captain: Oh, that's Deadbeat. Yes, he does odd jobs about the place, makes the tea for me, things like that. Don't bother too much about him, though. Fellow's mind's completely gone.","Deadbeat: Gone. Gone. Oh really gone. All really gone down the road again.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ticket office","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ringmaster: Well?","Morgana: We have to talk.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cage","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nord: Get out of it! I hate your sort, cos I'm Nord, see? The toughest infernal extraterrestrial there is.","The Doctor: What a fool I've been.","Captain: Frankly, old chap, I have to agree.","The Doctor: I should have listened to Ace.","Captain: Number one rule of the intergalactic explorer, Doctor. If you hear somebody talking about good vibes and letting it all hang out, run a mile.","Mags: We didn't.","Captain: That's beside the point.","The Doctor: What happens in there?","Captain: In where?","The Doctor: In the ring, during the talent contest.","Captain: Something pretty nasty.","Ringmaster (O.C.): Next contestant ready, please.","Captain: Oh, here, Nord.","Nord: What?","Captain: Remember our agreement?","Nord: Eh? Oh, yeah, course.","Captain: Well, heads, heads or tails?","Nord: Tails.","Captain: Heads.","Nord: So?","Captain: You're on next.","Nord: I ain't going on next!","Captain: But we all agreed, didn't we, Mags?","Captain: Good girl.","Captain: He's next, I believe.","Clown: Get him ready.","The Doctor: You were lucky, Captain.","Captain: Not really. I got a whole set of these silly little nick-nacks from some bug-eyed monster when I was on the planet Leophantos.","Captain: Like I said, Doctor. Every man for himself here.","The Doctor: What am I supposed to do with these?","Captain: Practise juggling, I suppose. Your chances of survival in the ring are better, of course, if you keep them entertained.","The Doctor: Why, do they let you out again?","Captain: No, but you last longer.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Outside the Circus","[SCENE_BREAK]","Whizzkid: All right?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ticket office","[SCENE_BREAK]","Morgana: Just think of all those tickets we've sold. Does that make you feel good? It wasn't always like this, was it. Not before we came to this dreadful place. We used to have fun. We were free spirits then.","Ringmaster: We are now.","Morgana: You think so? It feels more like we're part of a machine.","Ringmaster: Look, we're not leaving, if that's what you mean.","Morgana: We must!","Ringmaster: You keep saying that, but you haven't gone, have you?","Morgana: I tried, but...","Ringmaster: Listen, just as long as they keep on coming, and they will, no doubt of that, we are a success. Don't you understand? An intergalactic success. Now, the others, they couldn't take the pace, that's all. Bellboy, Deadbeat, Flowerchild, the rest. Don't you understand? They wanted to live in the past, the old lazy way. Not us. We'll make the Psychic Circus known everywhere.","Morgana: Known for what?","Ringmaster: Well?","Clown: That new pair worry me. The girl that escaped had one of Flowerchild's earrings.","Ringmaster: Have they found the girl?","Clown: Not yet, but she can't have gone far. I'll search for her myself.","Ringmaster: Yeah, you do that. Make sure you find her.","Morgana: And Bellboy?","Clown: Let's hope he's learned his lesson, shall we? We'd better get him back to work. Bellboy made them all. Bellboy can repair them.","Morgana: But will he ever be able to...","Whizzkid: Hello. This is the Psychic Circus, isn't it?","Morgana: Yes, that's right.","Whizzkid: Oh great! I've come halfway across the southern nebula to be here. I want to enter the talent contest. I know all about the Psychic Circus, you see. In fact, I'm your greatest fan.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cage","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nord: I'll show you. Easy. Easy!","The Doctor: It frightens you, doesn't it, Mags?","Mags: Oh, he'll be fine. Just like the other one was.","The Doctor: You saw what happened in there?","Mags: So?","The Doctor: Aren't you going to tell me about it?","Mags: See for yourself!","Captain: Don't bother Mags, Doctor, will you? You have to be careful with these rare specimens.","The Doctor: What do you mean?","Captain: You'll see.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Workshop","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: Look, I'm trying to help you, but you're not making it very easy. Can't you at least tell me what...","Ace: Great. Don't tell them, will you?","Clown: Learnt your lesson, eh, Bellboy? No more running away now. Good, because I've got some important repair work for you to do. The Conductor's been damaged. That girl must be somewhere.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Big Top","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ringmaster: A man of might is Nord. And now he'll go for broke by making all you laugh with his most favourite joke.","Nord: Eh? What, do a gag? Like a joke? Yeah, well, I'm coming down like on the Psychic Circus tonight on the way...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cage","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: Is this what you saw before?","Mags: Not exactly, but just as bad.","The Doctor: Would you let something like that happen to you?","Mags: Would you?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ticket office","[SCENE_BREAK]","Whizzkid: It must be awfully exciting working for the Psychic Circus, Morgana. Particularly when you did your tour of the Boreatic Wastes. I think that most of your admirers would agree with me that that was one of your finest ever gigs. Well, in so far as you can tell from the posters...","Morgana: Would you like to be getting along inside?","Whizzkid: You mean I can go in, just like that?","Morgana: Yes. Go right now, please.","Whizzkid: Oh wow!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cage","[SCENE_BREAK]","Captain: Mags.","Mags: What?","Captain: It's not going to work. I remember when I was on the baleful plains of Grolon, I...","Mags: I don't care.","The Doctor: Ready?","The Doctor: I believe I'm on first.","Mags: No, I'm ahead of you.","The Doctor: No, you're not.","Mags: No, I am.","The Doctor: I insist on going out first.","Mags: Oh no, you don't.","The Doctor: Oh yes, I do!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Big Top","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ringmaster: Now listen folks, we have a great new act. He's a real find, there's no doubt that's a fact. He'll entertain you, he'll make you stare, and our great new act is seated over there!","Mom: I hope he's better than the last one.","Dad: Couldn't be much worse.","Girl: Mum, Mum.","Mom: Shut up and eat your popcorn.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cage","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: Look, I insist in going on first.","Mags: I told you, I am.","The Doctor: I am!","The Doctor: Join the club. Captain?","Captain: No thanks, old boy. I'll sit this one out. Goodbye, Mags.","Mags: Bye, Captain.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Outside the workshop","[SCENE_BREAK]","Clown: That'll do. Take it back to the bus.","Clown: Let me entertain you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Big Top","[SCENE_BREAK]","Whizzkid: Well, I have to say it's a real thrill for me to be here at the Psychic Circus. I've collected all your posters, you know.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cage","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ringmaster: Have you now?","Whizzkid: From all your venues. And also I've got some very interesting...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Backstage","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ringmaster (O.C.): Oh Doctor, oh Doctor, have no fear. Calling the Doctor. There's no escape. Repeat, there is no escape.","Mags: Won't they take no for an answer?","The Doctor: No. Oh, we should have made straight away for the open air, I suppose.","Mags: Look.","The Doctor: How extraordinary. They're just like the stones in the Big Top. Fascinating. I wonder how long they've been here?","Mags: Maybe they were always here.","The Doctor: That thought had occurred to me. Let's investigate.","Mags: Oh! Can you see it?","The Doctor: See what?","Mags: That moon sign.","The Doctor: The moon? Why does it frighten you? Tell me.","Mags: Don't ask. Just lets get out of here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Workshop","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: Pasty face.","Clown: Don't like clowns, eh? After some time in here, you'll tell me what I want to know.","Ace: Is any one there? Come on, you don't scare me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Stone chamber","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mags: It's weird. I don't understand.","The Doctor: Oh, nasty little booby trap, that. That is, if it is a booby trap. Still, there's certainly no way forward.","Mags: Is it a well?","The Doctor: One way to find out.","The Doctor: That eye, I've seen it before. Of course, it was on the kites at the entrance hall. Fascinating. Somehow, somewhere down there is the answer to all that's going on at the Psychic Circus.","Captain: Ahem. Awfully sorry to butt in like this, old boy, but I'm afraid you're wanted. You're the next one due on in the ring."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"25x12","Episode Title":"The Greatest Show in the Galaxy - part 2","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Doctor_Who_1963_25x14.json","Recap":["The Gods of Ragnarok are revealed and while waiting for Ace to escape the Chief Clown, the Doctor must entertain them as long as possible in the dimension of the Dark Circus..."],"Transcript":["THE GREATEST SHOW IN THE GALAXY","PART FOUR","Run time: 24:24","[SCENE_BREAK]","Big Top","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mags: No.","Captain: You really were extremely stupid this time, Doctor. I told you she was an unusual specimen. The growling, the snarling, reaction to the moon. Surely you should have guessed?","Ringmaster: Captain!","Captain: I hate it when this happens. She can't control herself, of course, and like all her kind she'll destroy whatever comes in her path. Which, I'm afraid, in this case has to be you.","Captain: This circus is only the half of it, you see, old chap. These hippy fellows weren't quite so dumb as they look. Did you come here just for the fun of it? Well, some of them did, but they're all dead.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Painted bus","[SCENE_BREAK]","Conductor: Could I see your tickets, please.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Big Top","[SCENE_BREAK]","Captain: We experienced explorers know all about making the most of our discoveries. The powers here can be harnessed by those intrepid enough to grasp the opportunities. Myself, for instance.","The Doctor: Those powers destroyed Deadbeat.","Captain: Yes, but he was like you, Doctor, none too bright in the old self-interest stakes.","Captain: Stop it, Mags. This werewolf is extremely dangerous.","The Doctor: You're meddling with things you don't understand.","Captain: No, Doctor, you are. Once you're out of the way, I shall make my deal with the powers that be, whoever they may be.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ticket office","[SCENE_BREAK]","Morgana: She's taking Deadbeat to the bus.","Clown: In that case, they're also taken care of.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Big Top","[SCENE_BREAK]","Captain: I remember once visiting the gold mines of Katakiki...","The Doctor: Captain Cook!","Captain: What?","The Doctor: You're not only a scoundrel and a meddling fool, but you're also a crushing bore.","Captain: I'm afraid you've really done it this time, old boy. Mags!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Painted bus","[SCENE_BREAK]","Deadbeat: Search, search, search for the truth. Search it out, search it now.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In the bus","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: This must be it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Painted bus","[SCENE_BREAK]","Deadbeat: Search it now.","Ace: Kingpin, I've found it!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Big Top","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: Mags! Mags! Do you hear me? Mags!","The Doctor: Mags, when you're like this, this isn't in your nature, you have to destroy everything that crosses your path. I don't believe that. Mags!","The Doctor: Mags! Mags! Wait, wait. I need your mercy, but you don't have to kill.","Captain: Come on, Mags. You can trust me. You know that, don't you? Once he's out of the way we can split the proceeds. Do it for me, do it for your old pal the Captain. You know you'll enjoy it. I order you to. I order you to!","The Doctor: No, Mags! No!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Painted bus","[SCENE_BREAK]","Deadbeat: Search, search, search for the truth. Search, search, search...","Ace: You've got to try and help me, Kingpin. I can't get it open.","Deadbeat: Search, search, search for the truth.","Ace: What I'd give for my chemistry set now.","Deadbeat: Search, search, search for the truth.","Ace: Come on, Kingpin. Do try and concentrate a bit.","Conductor: Tickets, please. Tickets, please.","Conductor: Tickets, please.","Ace: Kingpin! Please!","Ace: Kingpin, do something!","Deadbeat: I remember now! It's beneath the cap.","Ace: What?","Deadbeat: Knock its cap off!","Ace: Now what?","Deadbeat: Bellboy put a button that said Request Stop. Press it!","Ace: What?","Deadbeat: Press the button!","Deadbeat: Now stand back.","Ace: What?","Deadbeat: Stand back, quick.","Deadbeat: No! Get away! Quick!","Ace: Now we're getting somewhere. You really are Kingpin, aren't you.","Deadbeat: Yes, thankfully. But no one's safe until we get this back to the Doctor.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Big Top","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: Come on, Mags. We've got to run away, now.","Dad: We want more.","The Doctor: Mags!","Ringmaster: Er, another act's coming soon, folks. You can believe me.","Girl: Another act now.","Dad: We want more.","Mom: We need more.","Morgana: You haven't played fair with me.","Ringmaster: Listen, we've done everything we're supposed to do, right?","Morgana: I had my doubts, but I came through in the end.","Ringmaster: There are going to be other visitors.","Girl: We need more.","Dad: You have no one left to give.","Mom: Except yourselves.","Ringmaster: No!","Morgana: Please, more acts are on the way, I promise you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Backstage","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: Something dreadful's happening in the ring. Things are getting out of control quicker than I expected.","Dad (O.C.): Calling the Doctor. Calling the Doctor.","The Doctor: Nothing will satisfy them but my presence.","Mags: I'm coming back in there with you.","The Doctor: No. You must run and get Ace and Deadbeat.","The Doctor: I must prepare for my entrance. Never keep your audience waiting.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ticket office","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: I'm coming. Open a pathway for me. Once small step for mankind, one great leap, or words to that effect.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arena","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: And here we all are at last. I'm surprised you brought me here. It must be very difficult for you, trying to exist concurrently in two different time spaces. I know the problem myself. No wonder those memorial stones looked familiar. The Gods of Ragnarok, I presume.","[SCENE_BREAK]","By the snack stall","[SCENE_BREAK]","Stallholder: Don't you frighten my horse like that, you hippie weirdo.","Stallholder: Shut up, circus riff-raff. You don't own this planet, you know.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arena","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: How many people have you destroyed, I wonder, before Kingpin was lured down here. Poor Kingpin. That's what you like, isn't it. Taking someone with a touch of individuality and imagination, and wearing them down to nothingness in your service.","Dad: Enough.","Mom: You have said enough.","The Doctor: Enough? I've hardly started. I have fought the Gods of Ragnarok all through time.","Dad: You are in our true time space now, Doctor. There is no appeal beyond its confines to any other.","The Doctor: Don't tell me what you want me to do. Let me guess. Now let me see. You want me to...","Dad: Entertain us.","Mom: Entertain us.","Dad: Or die. So long as you entertain us, you may live.","Mom: When you no longer entertain us, you die.","The Doctor: Predictable as ever, Gods of Ragnarok. As I think it's been said before, or was it after? Anyway, you ain't seen nothin' yet.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Segonax","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: Hey, Mags! Where's the Doctor?","Mags: Back at the circus.","Ace: So you're on your own now?","Mags: Not exactly. Look.","Mags: That's what they're after.","Deadbeat: Oh, I might have guessed.","Ace: So how do we get it back to the Doctor? Oh, dumbo! Not you two, me. I've got an idea. Come on!","Mags: Wrong way!","Ace: Not for this. Come on, Kingpin!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arena","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, for that overwhelming reception. And now, I would like to begin like life, at the beginning. But how did life begin? Was it with a chicken or was it with...","Dad: What?","Mom: Don't try our patience.","Dad: Don't play games.","The Doctor: You're not interested in beginnings. You're only interested in endings.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Campsite","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mags: Oh no, not that thing again. Come on.","Deadbeat: Dumbo. Bellboy's robot.","Ace: Dead right, Kingpin.","Clown: Bellboy's greatest mistake. What a place to choose. You may have the Eye again, Deadbeat, but you won't use it. You know that. You're not strong enough! You weren't before.","Deadbeat: At least I tried. You just gave in.","Clown: Yes, and I shall get my reward. Last chance, Deadbeat. We really believed in all that talk of peace and love...","Ace: This thing had better work, or I'll kick its head in.","Mags: For a moment I thought you weren't going to be able to make it stop.","Ace: Funny you should say that.","Deadbeat: He used to be a great clown.","Ace: I've never liked clowns.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arena","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: What, no complaints? No arguments? No thunderbolts?","Dad: No, Doctor.","Mom: We're not concerned that you're playing for time.","Dad: We have a saying.","The Doctor: Let me guess. Give yourself enough rope and you hang yourself.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Campsite","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: Kingpin.","Deadbeat: I only hope we make it in time. The Doctor's stronger than I ever was, but even he can't hold out against them forever.","Ace: He'll have a good stab at it, though.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arena","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dad: You are nearing the end, Doctor.","The Doctor: A piece of rope has two ends, Father Ragnarok.","Mom: Feel the rain, Doctor.","Dad: Feel the chill in your bones.","[SCENE_BREAK]","By the Ticket Office","[SCENE_BREAK]","Deadbeat: Ace, quick! Come on!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arena","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dad: Doctor.","The Doctor: Yes?","Dad: You are trifling with us.","The Doctor: Really? I thought I was entertaining you.","Dad: You are on the brink of destruction, Doctor. We want something bigger, something better.","The Doctor: Do you now?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Big Top","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: The Doctor must be here somewhere.","Deadbeat: Well, he may already be in the Dark Circus with the Gods. If so, there's only one way we can reach him.","Mags: The stone chamber.","Ace: And the medallion?","Deadbeat: Yeah. We must be careful. They're bound to sense its presence.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arena","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: Do I have your full attention?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ticket Office","[SCENE_BREAK]","Deadbeat: You do realise that they'll try anything to stop us?","Ace: Yes. Let's go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arena","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: The climax of my act, Gods of Ragnarok, requires something you do not possess in great abundance. That is, imagination. And it starts with a piece of metal. This piece of metal once belonged to a sword, and that sword belonged to a gladiator.","The Doctor: And that gladiator fought and died in this ring to entertain you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Stone chamber","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: Go for it, Kingpin.","Mags: Kingpin, please.","Ace: Well, one of us had better try.","Captain: Perhaps I might relieve you of that.","Mags: Captain, I thought you were dead.","Captain: I am, my dear. I am.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arena","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: I have fed you enough, Gods of Ragnarok, and you found what I have to offer indigestible. So I have taken myself off the menu. La comedia e finita.","Dad: We command you.","Mom: You cannot stop.","The Doctor: I already have.","Dad: Then you will die.","The Doctor: Probably not. It's all a matter of timing, don't you know.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Stone chamber","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ace: Oi, sarcophagus face!","Deadbeat: Quick.","Captain: You know, when I was on the planet Periboea, I met someone who walks around when he was already dead. I must say, as an experience I'd say it was very overrated.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ticket office","[SCENE_BREAK]","Deadbeat: Look. Get down!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Segonax","[SCENE_BREAK]","Stallholder: It's what I've always said. No consideration for those of us that live here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Outside the Circus","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Doctor: Enjoying the show, Ace?","Ace: Yeah. It was your show all along, wasn't it?","Mags: The Captain really is finished now, isn't he?","The Doctor: Yes. But you're just about to start.","Deadbeat: Doctor, I've been thinking.","The Doctor: What better way for a circus to begin than with a wonderful new act.","Ace: Yeah, weird and wonderful. Nice one, Professor. You'll knock them dead.","Mags: That's just what I'm afraid of. What if I can't control it?","The Doctor: Oh, you can, Mags. You already have.","Deadbeat: What about it, Doctor? You and Ace. Join Kingpin's new circus and travel the galaxy with us.","The Doctor: Thank you, Kingpin, but I'm afraid we've got other galaxies to travel. And besides, I find circuses a little sinister."],"Show Title":"Doctor Who 1963","Episode Number":"25x14","Episode Title":"The Greatest Show in the Galaxy - part 4","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Downton_Abbey_01x07.json","Recap":["July-August 1914. Tensions abound following the assassination of the Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria . The family returns from London after Sybil's debutante ball but Mary stays with her aunt, Lady Rosamund Painswick. Cora discovers that she is pregnant making Matthew's inheritance of the estate uncertain should the baby be a boy. Mary learns from Evelyn Napier that it was Edith, not he, who originated the rumours about her and Pamuk. Through Mrs. O'Brien, Carson discovers that while Bates was a soldier, he stole the regimental silver, but after speaking with his mother, Anna learns that it was in fact his wife that stole the silver. Matthew is angered by Mary's hesitancy now that he may not inherit Downton. Anticipating the war, Thomas finds a non-combatant role in the Army Medical Corps. Mary confronts Edith about revealing her secret, implying that she will exact revenge. Learning that Sir Anthony Strallan intends to propose at the garden party, Mary makes him think Edith finds him old and boring, so he leaves. O'Brien thinks Cora intends to replace her and leaves a bar of soap below her bath tub. She regrets it but is unable to warn Cora before she slips, falls, and miscarries. A telephone is installed at Downton, giving Lady Sybil an opportunity to arrange a job interview for housemaid Gwen as a secretary for the phone company. Mary is prepared to marry Matthew but he doubts her motives and intends to leave Downton. During the garden party, Lord Grantham receives a telegram saying the United Kingdom is at war with Germany, marking the beginning of the First World War ."],"Transcript":["[OPENING TITLES]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. GREAT HALL - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Mrs Hughes does her rounds as the housemaids clean the room.]","Mrs Hughes: Hurry up, girls, come on.","[INT. DRAWING ROOM - DAY]","[Mrs Hughes continues her rounds. A housemaid cleans the chandelier and steps down from the ladder.]","Mrs Hughes: Come on, come on. You should be done here. They'll be back from the station any second now.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Carson and Mrs Hughes descend the servants' stairs.]","Mrs Hughes: I haven't had a chance to ask, how was London?","Mr Carson: Oh, much as usual. Dirty, noisy, quite enjoyable.","Mrs Hughes: There was no need for you to come back a day early. I'm perfectly capable of getting the house ready.","Mr Carson: Of course you are. But I like to have the heavy luggage back and unpacked before they get here.","Mrs Hughes: I suppose...","[Carson and Mrs Hughes suddenly make way as William almost runs into them with a tray of silver vases.]","Mrs Hughes: Steady, William! This isn't a race.","[William nods and exits.]","Mrs Hughes: Poor lad.","Mr Carson: But he did see her? I was worried when I took him to King's Cross.","Mrs Hughes: Yes, he had time to say goodbye.","Mr Carson: How is he now?","Mrs Hughes: Well, you've only got one mother, haven't you?","[Gwen rushes in holding some flowers.]","Gwen: They're here, Mrs Hughes.","[Carson and Mrs Hughes head for the stairs.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","July 1914","[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, FRONT WALK - DAY]","[The family exits the motorcar.]","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Hello, William. It's good to have you back.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. GREAT HALL - DAY]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: What a relief to be home.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Don't listen when His Lordship pretends not to enjoy the Season.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: When in Rome.","Mrs Hughes: Will Lady Mary be back soon?","Robert, Earl of Grantham: She's staying on with my sister for a couple of weeks.","[The servants assist the family as they remove their travel clothes.]","Mrs Hughes: So Grantham House is closed?","Cora, Countess of Grantham: It will be by the end of this week. Dear Mrs Hughes, I hope you've had some time to yourself while we've been away.","Mrs Hughes: I've tackled a few jobs that get forgotten about when the house is full.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Any local news?","Mrs Hughes: The main topic here is the murder of the Austrian Archduke.","Mr Carson: Here and everywhere else.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm afraid we haven't heard the last of that. And how's William?","Mr Carson: Bearing up.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Poor chap. He has our sympathies. I think I'll wash the train off before dinner.","Mr Bates: Very good, milord. I can unpack while you're bathing.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'll see you up there.","[The family and servants depart leaving only Cora and Mrs Hughes.]","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Oh, Mrs Hughes, have you had any thoughts about the garden party for the hospital?","Mrs Hughes: I've started on it, but there are things we need to talk about.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Oh, dear. That sounds like trouble. I'll take my hat off. Sybil?","[Sybil and Edith stop before they go up the stairs.]","Cora, Countess of Grantham: You were a great success in London, darling. Well done.","[Sybil smiles and goes up the stairs. Edith looks at her mother.]","Lady Edith: You never say that to me?","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Don't I?","[Cora takes Edith's hand and leads her up the steps.]","Cora, Countess of Grantham: You were very helpful, dear. Thank you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Mrs Hughes has a word with Carson as they watch Mrs Patmore and Daisy through the kitchen window.]","Mrs Hughes: I hate to spoil Her Ladyship's homecoming, but what are we going to do about Mrs Patmore? She's worse than when you left. Much worse. Oh, and I meant to ask - is there a decision? About Mr Bates leaving?","Mr Carson: Not yet. His Lordship wants the facts, and Mr Bates won't give them. So what are you going to say to Her Ladyship about Mrs Patmore?","Mrs Hughes: (sigh) I'm not sure. I don't want the poor woman sacked, but things cannot go on as they are.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LONDON, PARK - DAY]","Lady Rosamund: There's nothing like an English summer, is there?","Lady Mary: Except an English winter.","Lady Rosamund: I'm sorry you haven't received more invitations. But then, after four seasons, one is less a debutant than a survivor.","Lady Mary: Hmm.","Lady Rosamund: My dear, is there anything you're not telling me?","Lady Mary: No.","Lady Rosamund: Only, one hears stories...","Lady Mary: There's nothing, Aunt Rosamund.","Lady Rosamund: So, have you decided? Whether or not to marry Cousin Matthew?","[Mary looks at Rosamund in surprise.]","Lady Rosamund: Oh, there's no secret Cora can keep for more than a month.","Lady Mary: You'd be surprised. I've told him I'll give him my answer the day I get back.","Lady Rosamund: Well, it would be very tidy. At least we can say that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Miss O'Brien reads a letter and Bates regards her as she looks up and closes it.]","Miss O'Brien: Fancy a smoke?","Thomas: Don't mind if I do.","[Thomas follows her out as William enters.]","William: There they go, Guy Fawkes and his assistant.","Gwen: Which is which?","Anna: Here you are.","[Anna hands William a black cloth. He puts on the black armband. Anna turns to Bates.]","Anna: Surely if His Lordship hasn't done anything until now, it means he doesn't want to take it any further.","[Carson enters and the servants stand.]","William: Anna's made me an armband, Mr Carson. For my mother. Can I wear it?","Mr Carson: I daresay. Not when we're entertaining, but otherwise.","[Carson sits and the head of the table and the others sit back down.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. GREAT HALL - DAY]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Hello, Doctor. I didn't know you were here.","Dr Clarkson: No, Lady Grantham sent a message.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Why? She's not ill, is she?","Dr Clarkson: Not ill, exactly.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Would you mind waiting in the library?","[Robert rushes up the stairs.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Robert sits down stunned at something Cora just said.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Pregnant?","Cora, Countess of Grantham: You needn't be quite so shocked.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Give me a moment. You haven't been pregnant for 18 years.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: And I'm pregnant now.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: I don't understand what we've done differently.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Stop right there. If you want to know more, go down and offer the doctor some whisky.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: I can't take it in.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: But you're pleased?","[Robert stands and takes Cora's hands.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Of course.","[Robert kisses Cora's hands.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Of course I'm pleased.","[They kiss and hug.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. COURTYARD - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Thomas smokes and reads the letter O'Brien received while she smirks.]","Thomas: I didn't think she'd do it.","Miss O'Brien: I told you she would. I could see she was interested. And I was speaking as one lady's maid to another. That means something, you know.","Thomas: 'Course we thought we had him before, but he's a slippery devil.","[Thomas smirks and hands the letter back to O'Brien.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LIBRARY - DAY]","Dr Clarkson: It's...unusual, obviously.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Unusual? It's Biblical.","Dr Clarkson: (chuckles) Not quite. You understand that women go through a...a certain... change.","[Robert holds up a hand.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Thank you. I know quite as much as I need to about all that.","Dr Clarkson: Well, sometimes it can result in a...a surge of...fertility, for want of a better word.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: But the child will be healthy?","Dr Clarkson: Oh, there's no reason why not.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: How long has she...?","Dr Clarkson: Hard to be precise. Things had become irregular, but...","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Please.","Dr Clarkson: I'd say she's about four months gone. It'll begin to show soon.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: And I don't suppose there's any way of knowing if it's a...","[Clarkson shakes his head.]","Dr Clarkson: No.","[Mrs Hughes enters and Dr Clarkson stands.]","Mrs Hughes: I do beg your pardon, milord. I thought you were alone.","Dr Clarkson: No, please come in, Mrs Hughes. I'm just leaving.","[Mrs Hughes turns towards the door.]","Mrs Hughes: William?","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, thank you, Doctor...I'd better start writing some letters.","Mrs Hughes: Show Dr Clarkson out.","[William opens the door for the doctor and follows him out.]","Mrs Hughes: I didn't want to bother Her Ladyship if she's not well...","Robert, Earl of Grantham: She's resting, but tell me anyway.","Mrs Hughes: It's Mrs Patmore, milord. The time has come when we really have to make a decision.","[Robert nods.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mm.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MR CARSON'S OFFICE - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Mr Carson reads the note that O'Brien received while O'Brien and Thomas wait.]","Thomas: Now do you believe me?","Mr Carson: Careful, Thomas. Your position is not a strong one.","Miss O'Brien: Don't punish us, Mr Carson. It's Mr Bates who's wanting here.","Thomas: Tell me, Mr Carson, do you think it right a man like that should live and work at Downton?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LONDON, BELGRAVE SQUARE\/ INT. LADY ROSAMUND'S HOUSE - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[A car prepares to leave on a raining street. Mary sits alone staring out the window when a butler opens the door.]","Butler: Mr Napier, milady.","Lady Mary: What a surprise. I'm afraid you've just missed my aunt.","Evelyn Napier: I know. I watched her leave.","Lady Mary: How are your wedding plans going?","Evelyn Napier: Not very well. In fact, we've decided to call it off.","Lady Mary: Really? It seemed quite fixed at Sybil's ball. What a shame. Please.","[Mary offers him a seat.]","Evelyn Napier: It'll be better in the long run.","Lady Mary: Perhaps. I know what high hopes you have of the institution.","Evelyn Napier: The thing is, Lady Mary, I-- I'm here today because I needed to tell you something face to face before you went to the country.","Lady Mary: Face to face? Gracious me.","Evelyn Napier: I've recently heard gossip about the time when I came to Downton with Kemal Pamuk.","[Mary tenses.]","Evelyn Napier: Gossip that I believe has made life difficult for you. I've also heard it said that I am the source of these stories. It is very important to me that you should know that I am not.","[Mary relaxes in surprise.]","Evelyn Napier: From that day to this, I have never spoken one word on the matter.","Lady Mary: Then who did?","Evelyn Napier: It seems to have come from the Turkish Embassy, from the ambassador himself, in fact, and his wife.","Lady Mary: But who told them, if not you?","Evelyn Napier: This is the hard part. When I discovered the answer, I debated whether I should relay it, but in the end I feel you ought to know.","Lady Mary: The suspense is killing me.","Evelyn Napier: It was your sister, Lady Edith, who wrote to the ambassador. That is why people accept the story.","[Mary closes her eyes.]","Lady Mary: Edith?","Evelyn Napier: It is very hard to believe.","[Mary shakes her head.]","Lady Mary: Harder for you than for me.","[Napier is surprised by that comment.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DOWNTON, SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY]","Mrs Hughes: I love the thought of a baby in the house, but if it's a boy...","Mr Carson: It'll be very hard on Mr Crawley.","[Mrs Hughes looks at him in surprise.]","Mr Carson: I know, I was no great champion when he first arrived. But it seems to me he's tried his best, and he's done the decent thing.","Mrs Hughes: I can't see that coming off.","Mr Carson: You don't mean the engagement?","Mrs Hughes: But it's not an engagement yet, is it?","Mr Carson: She'd never throw him over.","Mrs Hughes: Mr Carson, Lady Mary Crawley does not deserve you.","[Mr Carson scoffs and Mrs Hughes smiles as she walks away.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE DOWER HOUSE - DAY]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: And she's not been in touch with Cousin Matthew?","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Not that I've heard.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Wonderful news, of course. You must look after yourself.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Don't worry, O'Brien has me wrapped in silk and feathers.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: You're lucky. I have a horrible feeling Simmons is about to hand in her notice. She's looking very fidgety lately, and I saw her hurrying to meet the postman.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Oh, you poor thing. Is there anything worse than losing one's maid?","Violet, Countess of Grantham: I mean, why would she want to leave me? I've been as gentle as a lamb.","[Cora gives Violet a dubious look as a servant brings them tea.]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Most of the time.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Robert and Matthew walk together.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: I want to say I'll make provision for you if it's a boy and you get pushed out.","Matthew Crawley: Don't worry. I know you can't. If any man living understands the strength of the entail, it's me.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: I can give you Crawley House for life, if it's a help.","Matthew Crawley: Have you heard from Mary?","Robert, Earl of Grantham: No. Have you?","[Matthew shakes his head.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: By the way, I want to ask a favour. What's the name of your cook? The one you brought with you from Manchester?","Matthew Crawley: Mrs Bird?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KITCHENS - DAY]","Daisy: I'll get it, Mrs Patmore!","Mrs Patmore: Oh, don't fuss me!","William: Is that everything.","Daisy: Yeah. How are you feeling?","William: Well, most people's parents die before them, and so...","Thomas: Oh, give it a rest. Your mother knew how to drag it out, I'll say that for her.","William: What?","Mrs Hughes: Thomas! Get up to the servery.","[Mrs Patmore drops a pot and shrieks, holding her hand in pain.]","Mrs Patmore: You gave me the wrong cloth!","Mrs Hughes: Sit down, Mrs Patmore.","Mrs Patmore: I can't sit down, I've got the luncheon to finish!","Mrs Hughes: It was not a suggestion. Sit!","[Mrs Patmore sits, nursing her hand.]","Mrs Hughes: Daisy and I will finish the luncheon.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - DAY]","Isobel Crawley: So he'll give us this house for life, will he? How generous.","Matthew Crawley: It is generous. He doesn't have to. But it's made me think. You must stay here if you want, but I wonder if it mightn't be better all round if I went back to Manchester.","Isobel Crawley: It may not be a boy.","Matthew Crawley: Really, mother. You never approved of it all in the first place. If it is a boy, you should see it as a release, not a disappointment.","Isobel Crawley: What does Mary say?","Matthew Crawley: Nothing yet.","[Molesley enters.]","Mr Molesley: You wanted to see Mrs Bird, sir.","[Mrs Bird enters.]","Matthew Crawley: Yes, Mrs Bird, Lord Grantham has rather a favour to ask of you.","Mrs Bird: I'm surprised Lord Grantham knows that I exist, sir.","[Isobel laughs.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Mr Carson knocks and enters with a letter while Bates is tending to Roberts wardrobe.]","Mr Carson: I'm sorry to disturb you.","Mr Bates: Quite all right.","Mr Carson: Mr Bates, it's about your somewhat startling confession. As you'll have surmised, His Lordship has yet to come to a decision.","Mr Bates: His delay is generous.","Mr Carson: However, it will be no surprise to you that Miss O'Brien has been unwilling to let things drop. It seems that, when we were in London, she made a new friend. A lady's maid in the house of a colonel in your former regiment.","[Carson hands Bates the letter and Bates reads it.]","Mr Carson: Please tell me that this account is false, at least in part.","Mr Bates: I wish I could.","Mr Carson: I'll have to show this to His Lordship.","Mr Bates: Of course you will.","Mr Carson: I do not like to play the part of Pontius Pilate, but I'm afraid I must. Lord Grantham will decide what's to be done.","[Carson walks to the door.]","Mr Carson: Mr Bates... I hope you do not feel that I have treated you unjustly.","Mr Bates: On the contrary, Mr Carson. I am astonished at your kindness.","[Carson exits.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LONDON, BELGRAVE SQUARE\/ INT. LADY ROSAMUND'S HOUSE - DAY]","Lady Rosamund: Of all of you, Sybil might find joy in a cottage. But not you.","Lady Mary: We don't know it'll be a boy.","Lady Rosamund: Exactly. So ask Matthew to wait until the child is born. If it's a girl you can wed him happily, and all will be as it was before.","Lady Mary: But if I delay, won't he think I'm only after him for his position? Besides, I'm not sure I want to put him off, even without the title.","[Rosamund is surprised.]","Lady Mary: We get on so well, you know. And he's terribly clever. He might end up Lord Chancellor.","Lady Rosamund: And he might not. Oh, come along, Mary, be sensible. Can you really see yourself dawdling your life away as the wife of a...country solicitor?","[Rosamund marches off and Mary considers her words.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LIBRARY - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Carson enters with Robert.]","Mr Carson: But why would we ever want a telephone at Downton, my lord?","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, they have their uses. You could speak to the housekeeper in London. That'd be helpful, surely.","Mr Carson: I hope I have not failed in my management of the recent move.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Not at all. But the telephone is here now, and the girls got used to it when we were in London. Besides, none of us know what the next few months will bring.","Mr Carson: Because of the Archduke's death?","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Austria won't get what it wants from Serbia. And now Russia's starting to rumble. Well, there's not much we can do about that. So, will you take care of the telephone man?","[Carson nods with a grumble.]","Mr Carson: Oh, about Mr Bates, my lord. I expect you've had time to consider the contents of that letter?","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Yes, but I find it very odd. Regimental silver? I could more easily see Bates as an assassin than a petty pilferer.","Mr Carson: I agree. And while the letter is hard to argue with, I wouldn't put anything past Thomas or Miss O'Brien.","[Robert considers that remark as Carson leaves.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DRAWING ROOM - DAY]","Lady Sybil: So, what did we miss?","Lady Mary: Nothing much. Although you'd have had more invitations than I did.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Have you thought about Matthew?","Lady Mary: Of course, but Aunt Rosamund...","Violet, Countess of Grantham: No!","[Violet puts her hand up.]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: She's written to me. I should pay no attention.","Lady Edith: But Granny, she has got a point. Mary can't be completely na\u00efve.","Lady Mary: I don't need your help, thank you.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Mary, listen to me. If you take Matthew now when his whole future is at risk, he will love you to the end of his days.","Lady Sybil: Why, Granny, you're a romantic.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: I've been called many things, but never that.","Lady Edith: And what happens if the baby is a boy and Matthew loses everything?","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Mary can always change her mind.","Lady Mary: But I can't do that to Matthew. It's not how we are together.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Oh!","[Violet sighs in frustration and turns away.]","Lady Mary: Now, I'm going upstairs to help Anna unpack.","Lady Sybil: I'll come with you.","[Sybil leaves with Mary. Violet sits down with Cora and Edith.]","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Edith, why don't you go, too?","[Edith gets up with a sigh.]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Sir Anthony Strallan was at Lady Wren's party. He asked after you.","[Edith smiles and exits.]","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Is she really serious about him?","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Any port in a storm. Oh, by the way, I was right about my maid. She's leaving to get married. I mean, how could she be so selfish?","Cora, Countess of Grantham: I do sympathise. Robert's always wanting me to get rid of O'Brien, but I can't face it. Anyway, she's so fond of me.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Well, I thought Simmons was fond of me. What am I to do?","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Why don't I put an advertisement in The Lady? It's always the best place to start.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Oh, that's so kind. Thank you. I really must be going. Now, don't let Mary wait for the baby before she gives Matthew her answer.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: I'm sure it's another girl.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: I know those men of the moral high ground. If she won't say yes when he might be poor, he won't want her when he will be rich.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY]","Daisy: Maybe we should knit something.","Miss O'Brien: Oh, yes, I'm sure they'd love a pair of booties knitted by you.","William: Or what about a Christening mug?","Thomas: They can buy their own silver.","Gwen: Anything in the paper, Thomas?","Thomas: They've arrested this Princip fellow and his gang. All Serbian and members of the Black Hand.","Miss O'Brien: \"The Black Hand\"? Oh, I don't like the sound of that.","Mr Bates: I don't like the sound of any of it. War is on the way.","William: Then we'll have to face it. As bravely as we can.","Thomas: Thank you, Mr Cannon Fodder.","Gwen: Well, don't you think a war's coming?","Thomas: Oh, there'll be a war, all right. It's time to prepare for it.","Anna: The country, do you mean?","Thomas: No, me.","Mr Bates: You never disappoint.","[Carson enters and the servants stand.]","Mr Carson: Daisy? Run and find Mrs Patmore. His Lordship wants to see her in the library.","Daisy: His Lordship wants Mrs Patmore to go up to the library?","Mr Carson: That is what I said. And Anna, you're to come, too.","[Daisy goes to fetch Mrs Patmore. Carson exits.]","Miss O'Brien: And we thought the assassination of an archduke was a surprise.","[Anna leaves and they sit down. ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LIBRARY - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Carson enters]","Mr Carson: Mrs Patmore, my lord.","[Mrs Patmore and Anna enter and Robert rises from his desk.]","Mrs Patmore: Your Lordship, I know things haven't been quite right for a while, but I can assure you--","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Come in, Mrs Patmore.","[Mrs Patmore steps closer.]","Mrs Patmore: I promise you, milord, if I could just be allowed a bit more time--","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mrs Patmore, I've not asked you here to give you your notice.","Mrs Patmore: Haven't you?","Robert, Earl of Grantham: No. I understand you've had some trouble with your sight.","Mrs Patmore: That's just it! I know I could manage better if only--","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Please, Mrs Patmore...","Anna: Let him speak. Beg pardon, milord.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Don't apologise. Now, on Dr Clarkson's recommendation, I'm sending you up to London to see an eye specialist at Moorfields. Anna will go with you and you'll stay with my sister Rosamund in her new house in Belgrave Square.","Mrs Patmore: I'm afraid I'm going to have to sit in your presence, milord.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Of course.","[Anna helps a weak kneed Mrs Patmore stumble into a chair.]","Mrs Patmore: B--but how will you get on here?","[Robert sits in a chair next to Mrs Patmore.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, Mrs Crawley is lending us her cook, Mrs Bird. She's coming over tomorrow. You'll be good enough to show her how things work.","Mrs Patmore: A--are the Crawleys to starve while I'm away?","Robert, Earl of Grantham: They'll eat here every evening. Now, my sister's butler will look after you. He's very nice. Anna, you won't mind a visit to London?","Anna: No, milord. Thank you. It'll be an adventure.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: One with a happy ending, I hope.","[Robert stands and Mrs Patmore stands quickly. Anna takes her arm and they exit.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]","Matthew Crawley: Let me get this clear. At Sybil's ball you said you'd give me your answer the day you got back, and now you say you will not.","Lady Mary: Why do we have to rush into it? I need to be sure, that's all.","Matthew Crawley: But you were sure. Shall I tell you what I think has altered you? My prospects. Because nothing else has changed.","Lady Mary: No.","Matthew Crawley: Yes! If your mother's child is a boy, then he's the heir and I go back to living on my wits, and you'd rather not follow me there.","Lady Mary: Oh, Matthew, you always make everything so black and white.","Matthew Crawley: I think this is black and white. Do you love me enough to spend your life with me? If you don't, then say no. If you do, then say yes.","Lady Mary: I want to... Granny told me I should say yes now, then withdraw if you lost everything.","Matthew Crawley: To make that work, you'd have to be a good liar. Are you a good liar?","Lady Mary: Well, not good enough to try it, apparently.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - DAY]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: How could you not have realised they'd discover the loss at once? And to keep them in your house... But you only served two years?","Mr Bates: That's right, my lord.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: So, clearly the judge thought there was some mitigating factor. I just want to know the truth.","Mr Bates: I cannot speak of it, milord. You must decide whether I stay or go on the basis of the evidence before you. I will respect that.","[Bates holds out Robert's tailcoat and Robert puts it on.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY]","Anna: Sorry, I don't believe it.","Mr Bates: How can you say that? When I've confessed to the crime?","Anna: Well, His Lordship obviously doesn't think that's all there is to it, and I don't either.","Mrs Patmore (background): Daisy, have you finished...","[Mrs Hughes approaches.]","Mrs Hughes: Anna, are you set for the nine o'clock train tomorrow?","Anna: All packed and ready.","Mrs Hughes: You'll be met at King's Cross by Lady Rosamund's chauffeur, which I think is generous, but after that you're on your own. Right. I must get on. I'm acting referee for Mrs Patmore and Mrs Bird.","Mr Bates: Best of luck.","[Mrs Hughes chuckles lightly and walks on.]","Anna: Will you miss me?","[Bates smiles.]","Mr Bates: Try not to miss me. It'll be good practice.","[Bates leaves.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KITCHENS - DAY]","Mrs Patmore: I expect it'll be hard adjusting to this kitchen after the one you're used to.","Mrs Bird: Not to worry, I'm sure I can have it cleaned up in no time.","Mrs Patmore: Cleaned up?","Mrs Bird: I'm not criticising. With your eyesight, it's a wonder you could see the pots at all.","[Mrs Hughes enters.]","Mrs Hughes: You'll have met Daisy and the others?","Mrs Bird: I have. Though what they all find to do is a mystery to me.","Mrs Patmore: Are you not used to managing staff, Mrs Bird?","[Anna and Molesley watch the conversation from the kitchen window.]","Mrs Bird: I'm used to getting it done with one kitchen maid, Mrs Patmore, but I suppose in a house like this, you expect to take it easy.","[Mrs Patmore puts down her baking spoon at that.]","Anna: Do you think we should erect a ring and let them fight it out?","[Molesley chuckles.]","Mr Molesley: She's all right, Mrs Bird. She's more of a general than a trooper, but you need that in a cook.","ANNA (chuckles) Well, Mrs Patmore's the Generalissimo.","[Molesley laughs.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - DAY]","Isobel Crawley: Well, I'm very sad. I thought Mary was made of better stuff.","Matthew Crawley: Don't speak against her.","Isobel Crawley: Of course, she's taken advice from someone with false and greedy values.","Matthew Crawley: Oh, Mother.","Isobel Crawley: And we don't have to go too far to know who that is!","Matthew Crawley: Mother!","Isobel Crawley: I've a good mind to--","Matthew Crawley: You are not to go near Cousin Violet. That is an order.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CORA, COUNTESS OF GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - DAY]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Something's not right about it.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: I agree. Having a silver thief in the house does not seem right at all. Even if he could walk.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: But Carson isn't keen to get rid of him, either, and he normally comes down on this sort of thing like a ton of bricks.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: What's his reasoning?","Robert, Earl of Grantham: He blames Thomas and O'Brien. He says they've been working against Bates since he got here.","[O'Brien enters in the background.]","Cora, Countess of Grantham: So I should sack O'Brien instead?","Robert, Earl of Grantham: You'll hear no argument from me.","Miss O'Brien: This should do the trick, milady.","[Cora is startled. She turns to Robert and sighs in frustration.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. COURTYARD - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Thomas and O'Brien take a smoke break.]","Miss O'Brien: Ten years of my life that's what I've given her. Ten bloody years","Thomas: But did she say she'd sack you?","Miss O'Brien: It's obviously what he wants.","Thomas: So when will they tell you?","Miss O'Brien: When they've found a replacement. Heaven forfend she should have to put a comb through her own hair. And if I'm going, you won't be far behind.","Thomas: Oh, so what? Sod 'em. There's a war coming and war means change. We should be making plans.","Miss O'Brien: What you talking about?","Thomas: Well, put it like this. I don't want to be a footman anymore, but I don't intend to be killed in battle, neither.","[Thomas finishes his cigarette and walks back to the house.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR\/KITCHENS - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Thomas enters through the back door. Mrs Patmore's whispering to Daisy.]","Mrs Patmore: I'm not saying poison them. Just make sure they don't find her food all that agreeable.","Daisy: By poisoning it?","Mrs Patmore: Will you stop that!","Daisy: You don't want it to taste nice.","Mrs Patmore: I want them to be glad when I get back. That's all.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. OUTER HALL - DAY]","Mr Carson: This will be for the family and the one in my pantry is for the staff. Or, more precisely, me.","Mr Bromidge: We don't normally provide two.","Mr Carson: Then perhaps we should find another supplier.","Mr Bromidge: Hold your horses. Right. Where do you see this other telephone?","Mr Carson: Here in the outer hall.","[Carson sees Strallan enter through the open front door and he opens the inner door for him.]","Sir Anthony Strallan: Good afternoon, Carson. Is Lady Edith in?","Lady Edith: I am!","[Edith enters.]","Lady Edith: I most certainly am.","Sir Anthony Strallan: I was just driving past...","Lady Edith: Yes?","Sir Anthony Strallan: And I thought you might like to come for a spin. If you're not too busy.","Lady Edith: Wait till I get my coat.","[Sybil enters.]","Mr Bromidge: Is it all right if I make some notes?","Lady Sybil: I'm so sorry, Mr...?","Mr Carson: This is Mr Bromidge, my lady. He's here about the telephone.","Lady Sybil: Oh! Please make your notes, dear Mr Bromidge.","[Bromidge nods.]","Lady Sybil: We're so looking forward to it. What an exciting business to be in.","Sir Anthony Strallan: You must be expanding every day.","Mr Bromidge: Ah, we are, sir. But, er, that brings its problems. Training up men for the work when many have no aptitude. Ha, I can't even find a secretary who can keep pace at the moment.","Lady Sybil: What?","Mr Bromidge: It's hard with a new concept. Too old, they can't change. Too young, and they've no experience.","Lady Sybil: But have you filled the post yet? Because I know just the woman.","Mr Bromidge: Well, she must hurry up. We'll, er, close the list tomorrow night.","Lady Sybil: You'll have her application, I promise.","[Sybil exits.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LONDON, MOORFIELDS EYE HOSPITAL - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[A nurse exits the hospital and Anna and Mrs Patmore enter.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LONDON, MOORFIELDS EYE HOSPITAL - DAY]","Anna: This isn't bad at all, is it?","Mrs Patmore: I don't know. No one told me there'd be an actual operation.","Anna: Well, what did you think? They were just going to make magic passes over your eyes?","[A doctor enters.]","Doctor: All right, Mrs...Patmore?","Anna: She'll be fine, thank you.","Doctor: And you've been, er, sent to us by the Earl of Grantham?","Anna: That's right.","Doctor: Very good. You can leave her now. We'll, er, keep her in for a week. You can collect her next Friday.","[Anna nods and the doctor leaves and Anna rubs Mrs Patmore's arm.]","Anna: I'll be in to visit every day.","Mrs Patmore: What about the rest of the time?","Anna: Don't worry.","[Anna collects her things and opens the door.]","Anna: You'll be fine.","[Mrs Patmore nods and Anna leaves. Mrs Patmore takes out a handkerchief to try her eyes.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LONDON, PARK - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Anna strolls through the park.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. MILITARY OFFICES - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Anna approaches a military building.]","NCO: Bates, you say?","Anna: John Bates. He must have left the army about eight years ago.","NCO: Wait here, please.","[The NCO marches off and solutes to another soldier on his way. Anna sits on a bench to wait.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KITCHENS - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Mrs Bird checks on Daisy's cooking.]","Mrs Bird: Have you finished the soup?","Daisy: I think so, Mrs Bird.","[Mrs Bird leans in to check it.]","Mrs Bird: And the sauce for the fish?","Daisy: Yes, Mrs Bird.","Mrs Bird: Well, then, put them in the warmer.","[Daisy rushes nervously to the sink, grabs the soap and a grater and grates it into the soup, checking to make sure no one's looking.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. MILITARY OFFICES - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[The NCO returns with a record book. Anna stands.]","NCO: You don't mean John Bates who went to prison for theft?","Anna: That's correct.","NCO: Well, I know who he is right enough. That was an odd business.","Anna: Why \"odd\"?","NCO: Never mind.","[The NCO closes the book.]","NCO: So you're his cousin and you'd like to be in touch?","[Anna nods.]","NCO: Very forgiving. Well, I've got no address for him or his wife. But I have got one for his mother, which should still be good. I've written it down for you.","[The NCO hands Anna the note.]","Anna: Thank you for your trouble.","[The NCO nods and marches off.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Mary waits for Edith to walk by and grabs her arm.]","Lady Mary: Is it true you wrote to the Turkish ambassador about Kemal?","Lady Edith: Who told you?","Lady Mary: Someone who knows that you did.","Lady Edith: Then why are you asking?","Lady Mary: Because I wanted to give you one last chance to deny it.","Lady Edith: And what if I did? He had a right to know how his countryman died. In the arms of a slut.","[Edith leaves and Mary is shocked by her words.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: How's that advertisement getting on for the new maid?","[Thomas takes the tea cup that Violet set down.]","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Well, it's only just come out.","Mr Carson: William and I can manage here now. Go and tell Mrs Bird we'll have our dinner in twenty minutes.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Carson, be sure to say to Mrs Bird the dinner was really delicious.","[Carson nods proudly. Cora moves to sit across from Edith. Mary is behind her.]","Cora, Countess of Grantham: So, how was the drive?","[Edith smiles.]","Lady Edith: It was lovely. Only...","Robert, Earl of Grantham (background): They are now. When they're in London, at least.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Yes?","Lady Edith: Well, he said he had a question for me. He told me he'd ask it at the garden party, and he hopes I'll say yes.","[Mary rolls her eyes.]","Isobel Crawley (background): Yes, I could.","Robert, Earl of Grantham (background): Carson's very wary...","Cora, Countess of Grantham: You must think very carefully what our answer will be.","Lady Mary: Yes, I should think very carefully about a lot of things.","[Edith's smile fades and Mary gets up to move. Matthew watches her.]","Isobel Crawley: Do your neighbours have one?","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Yes, they do, in London anyway.","Matthew Crawley: It seems very wise to get a telephone now. If there is a war, it may be very hard to have one installed in a private house.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, let me show you where we're going to put it.","Matthew Crawley: Oh.","[Matthew and Robert leave. Isobel refuses to look at Violet, whom she's still angry with.]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: First electricity, now telephones. Sometimes I feel as if I were living in a--an H.G. Wells novel. But the young are all so calm about change, aren't they? Look at Matthew. I do admire him.","Isobel Crawley: Do you?","[Violet looks at Isobel and lowers her glass.]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: What have I done wrong now?","Isobel Crawley: Oh. please. Don't pretend Mary's sudden reluctance can't be traced back to you.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Well, I shall pretend it. I told her to take him. Your quarrel is with my daughter Rosamund, not me.","[Isobel finally looks at Violet.]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: So, put that in your pipe and smoke it.","[Carson is struck by Violet's comment and chuckles.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MR CARSON'S OFFICE - EVENING]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Thomas takes the wallet out of Carson's coat pocket. Molesley enters and pauses when he sees Thomas.]","Thomas: Mr Molesley, what you are after?","[Thomas puts the wallet back in the coat.]","Mr Molesley: Wanted a word with Mr Carson. I'm here to have my dinner.","Thomas: You don't want much, do you?","Mr Molesley: What're you doing?","Thomas: Mr Carson dropped his wallet in the passage. I was replacing it.","[Molesley steps back so Thomas can exit and then closes the door.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Robert and Matthew sit at the table.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: But everything seemed so settled between you at Sybil's ball.","Matthew Crawley: Things have changed since then.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Not necessarily. I don't seem to be much good at making boys.","Matthew Crawley: Any more than I'm much good at building my life on shifting sands.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: You do know I should be very proud to have you as my son-in-law, whatever your prospects.","Matthew Crawley: Unfortunately, sir, your daughter is more practical than you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING]","Mr Carson: Will you join us, Mrs Bird.","Mrs Bird: I don't mind if I do.","Daisy: I'm not sure Mrs Patmore would like that, Mr Carson. Cook always eats separate, that's what she says.","Mr Molesley: Not in our house. There's only the four of us.","[Thomas approaches O'Brien.]","Thomas: Well, you're going any minute. She's advertised for your replacement.","Miss O'Brien: That filthy, ungrateful cow.","Mrs Hughes: Let the kitchen maids have theirs on their own. You stay with us.","[Mrs Bird nods her appreciation and sits at the table while Daisy finishes serving up the soup.]","Mr Carson: Her Ladyship said to tell you that the dinner was delicious.","Daisy: She can't have.","Mr Carson: Daisy? Does that surprise you?","[The servants all being eating and realise something's wrong. Mrs Bird spits out her soup and looks at Daisy.]","Mrs Bird: What have you done with this, you little beggar? I knew it. That's why I said it was for upstairs. come on!","[Mrs Bird bangs her hand on the table and Daisy jumps.]","Mrs Bird: Tell us what's in it!","Daisy: Just...water and a bit of soap.","[The servants all put down their spoons.]","Mrs Bird: And you've put something in the fish sauce as well?","Daisy: Only mustard and aniseed.","[Mrs Hughes stands up enraged.]","Mrs Hughes: Why, Daisy? Why would you do such a thing?!","[Daisy begins to cry.]","Daisy: Because Mrs Patmore was worried that they'd prefer Mrs Bird's cooking and they wouldn't want her to come back.","Mr Carson: Is that likely? When they've taken such trouble to get her well?","Daisy: I'm sorry.","[Daisy continues crying. Mrs Bird stands and goes to comfort her.]","Mrs Bird: There, there. There are worse crimes on earth than loyalty. Dry your eyes, and fetch the beef stew I was making for tomorrow. You've not had a chance to spoil that, I suppose.","Daisy: I was going to mix in some syrup of figs.","[The other servants chuckle.]","Daisy: But I've not done it yet.","Thomas: Well, at least we'd have all been regular.","[Daisy rushes out to fetch the stew as the others continue to chuckle.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. GREAT HALL - DAY]","Lady Sybil: Carson said you were here.","Mr Bromidge: Ah, just, er, checking that everything's being done right, milady.","Lady Sybil: Only we never heard back. That is, Miss Dawson never heard back from you. About an interview.","Mr Bromidge: Ah, yes, er, we--we got the young lady's letter. But the trouble is, she didn't have any experience of hard work that I could tell, so...","Lady Sybil: Oh, but she's a very hard worker!","Mr Bromidge: Oh, I couldn't find any proof of it. And she gave you as a reference when, er, you don't run a business, milady. Well, not that I'm aware of.","[Sybil turns to a housemaid passing through the hall.]","Lady Sybil: Lily! Can you find Gwen and tell her to come to the hall, now.","Lily: Yes, milady.","[The maid exits and Sybil turns back to Bromidge.]","Lady Sybil: The reason Gwen didn't give any more details is because she works here. As a housemaid.","Mr Bromidge: Ah, and you thought that'd put me off?","Lady Sybil: But she's taken a postal course and has good speeds in typing and Pittman shorthand. Test her.","Mr Bromidge: I will if I like the look of her.","[Gwen rushes in.]","Mr Bromidge: Ah, so, young lady, you thought I'd turn up my nose at a housemaid.","Gwen: I did, sir.","Mr Bromidge: Well, my mother was a housemaid. I've got nothing against housemaids. They know about hard word and long hours, that's for sure.","Gwen: Well, I believe so, sir.","Mr Bromidge: Right, well, is there somewhere we could talk?","Lady Sybil: Gwen, take Mr Bromidge to the library. I'll see no one disturbs you.","Gwen: Okay.","[Gwen precedes Mr Bromidge into the next room and Sybil stands guard in the outer hall as Robert approaches.]","Lady Sybil: Sorry, Papa, you can't go in there.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Why on earth not?","Lady Sybil: Gwen's in there with Mr Bromidge. She's being interviewed.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: I cannot use my library because one of the housemaids is in there applying for another job?","Lady Sybil: That's about the size of it.","[Robert sighs and walks away. Sybil looks at the library door excitedly.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LONDON, MRS BATES'S HOUSE - DAY]","Mrs Bates: So, what is it you want to know?","Anna: I want to know the truth about the case against him. I want to know why the sergeant thought it was \"odd\". I want to know what Mr Bates isn't saying.","Mrs Bates: Because you don't believe him to be guilty?","Anna: No, I don't. I know he's not.","Mrs Bates: Well... You're right, of course.","[Mrs Bates hands Anna a cup of tea.]","Anna: Then who was it? Who was the thief?","Mrs Bates: His wife, Vera.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MR CARSON'S OFFICE - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[William and Gwen stare at the telephone.]","William: Who do you call? No one you know has got one.","Gwen: But they will have. You'll see.","Mr Carson: Might I inquire why my pantry has become a common room?","William: Sorry, Mr Carson. But...do you know how it works?","Mr Carson: Of course I do.","Daisy: Will you show us?","Mr Carson: Certainly not! A telephone is not a toy, but a useful and valuable tool. Now, get back to your work.","[The servants leave and Mr Carson closes the door and stares at the telephone like the others just were. He picks up the ear piece gingerly and blows into it. Then he leans over and puts his ear to the mouthpiece and blows into the earpiece.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LONDON, MRS BATES'S HOUSE - DAY]","Mrs Bates: She worked at the barracks sometimes, and helping at big dinners and so on. That night her opportunity came and she took it. They knew it was her. Someone even saw her with a big carry-all.","Anna: But why did he confess?","Mrs Bates: (sigh) Well... John wasn't the same man in those days. The African war had shaken him up and made him angry. He'd been wounded, and he drank a lot more than was good for him.","Anna: Was he violent?","Mrs Bates: No. No, not violent, but he could be hard at times, with a tongue like a razor. He felt he'd ruined Vera's life, Miss Smith.","Anna: Do you agree with him?","Mrs Bates: No. No, I thought she was a nasty piece of work. But that's why he took the blame.","Anna: Surely, if everyone knew he was innocent...","Mrs Bates: But he confessed. There was nothing anybody could do once he confessed.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. GREAT HALL - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Thomas escorts Dr Clarkson through the house.]","Thomas: Could I ask you something, sir? Only...I get the feeling that a war's on the way.","[Thomas hands Dr Clarkson his medical bag.]","Dr Clarkson: I'm afraid we all do.","Thomas: And when it comes, I want to be really useful to my country.","Dr Clarkson: How heartening.","Thomas: S--so I've been thinking, what could be more useful than what you do? Bringing people back to health, back to life.","Dr Clarkson: I see. Well, erm, we are looking for volunteers to train for the Territorial Force hospitals, if that's what you mean.","Thomas: It's exactly what I mean.","Dr Clarkson: Will you not be missed here?","Thomas: Maybe. But we'll all be going, won't we? The younger men anyway.","Dr Clarkson: As you wish. I'll make inquiries.","Thomas: Thank you very much, Doctor.","[They exit through the outer hall.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LIBRARY - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Carson pours a drink for Robert.]","Mr Carson: Mr Molesley walked in and there he was, as bold as brass, taking my wallet out of my change coat. Mr Molesley would have no reason to make it up, my lord. He doesn't know Thomas. Why would he lie?","Robert, Earl of Grantham: So Thomas has been caught red-handed. Well, we knew he was a thief, didn't we?","Mr Carson: And now we have unimpeachable proof. I'm afraid he has to go.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: (sigh) I hate this sort of thing. With Lady Grantham's condition and everything. Can we at least wait until after the garden party?","Mr Carson: Very well, my lord. But then, I think we must act.","[Robert nods.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KITCHENS - DAY]","Mrs Hughes: How long will you wear them?","[Mrs Patmore is wearing sunglasses.]","Mrs Patmore: A week or so. But I can see much better already, even with them on.","[Daisy smiles.]","Mrs Hughes: Thank heaven. Now, we need to talk about the garden party. Mrs Bird and I have made some lists...","Mrs Patmore: (scoffs) Mrs Bird? Oh, I think we can manage without any help from Mrs Bird.","Mrs Bird: Can you? Well, if you want your garden party to be run by a Blind Pugh, that's your business.","Mrs Hughes: Mrs Patmore, there's a lot to be done and you're only just up on your feet. We really cannot manage without Mrs Bird.","Mrs Patmore: If you say so.","Mrs Hughes: Now, I've been checking the stores and I've ordered what you'll need for the baking.","Mrs Bird: That's very kind, Mrs Hughes. But, er, I believe we should check the stores when it's convenient.","Mrs Hughes: Mrs Bird, at Downton Abbey, the housekeeper manages the store cupboard, but I think you'll find...","Mrs Bird: I've never not run my own store cupboard in my life. Separate the cook for the store cupboard? Where's the sense in that?","Mrs Patmore: How long have I been saying this, O Lord?","Mrs Bird: We're the ones who cook it. We should be the ones to order it.","Mrs Patmore: Mrs Bird, I shall be very happy with your help with the garden party. I'm sure we can manage it easily between the two of us.","[Mrs Hughes is disconcerted, she fidgets and leaves. Daisy smiles in amusement.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. MR CARSON'S OFFICE - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Carson sits at his desk with the telephone in front of him. He picks up the earpiece correctly and speaks into the phone.]","Mr Carson: Hello, this is Downton Abbey. Carson, the butler, speaking.","[Carson hangs up the earpiece and considers for a moment. He picks the earpiece back up.]","Mr Carson: Hello. This is Mr Carson, the butler of Downton Abbey. To whom am I speaking?","[A voice sounds through the earpiece and Carson just about drops it in surprise.]","Mr Carson: I'm not shouting! Who are you?","Operator: Mrs Gaunt.","Mr Carson: Oh, Mrs Gaunt.","Operator: What number do you want?","Mr Carson: No, I don't want to place a call.","[Mrs Gaunt says something we can't hear.]","Mr Carson: I was practicing my answer.","[Mrs Gaunt says something we can't hear.]","Mr Carson: Well, I daresay a lot of the things you do sound stupid to other people!","[Carson hangs up.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - DAY]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: I've written to your mother. She's very anxious, naturally. She suggested coming over.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Oh, God.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Yeah, well, that's what I thought. So I put her off, told her to come and admire the baby.","[O'Brien enters.]","Miss O'Brien: I'll just go and run Your Ladyship's bath.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Thank you, O'Brien.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Oh, have you had any answers about the position?","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Quite a few.","[O'Brien listens from the bathroom.]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: So what do they sound like?","Cora, Countess of Grantham: There's one I think has real possibilities. She learned to do hair in Paris while she was working for the Ambassadress.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Oh... Oh, that sounds promising.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LIBRARY - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Robert is sitting at his desk when the door opens.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Carson, I've been meaning...","[Robert looks up.]","Anna: You're Lordship.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh. Anna, you're back safely, then?","Anna: Yes, thank you, milord. And Mrs Patmore's fighting fit again.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: \"Fighting fit\" is the phrase. Is something the matter?","Anna: I wanted to see Your Lordship because...","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Please.","[Anna walks closer.]","Anna: While I was in London, I learned something about Mr Bates.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Not bad, I hope.","Anna: No. Not bad at all. I'd have told Mr Carson, but I thought you might like to hear it from me first.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Go on.","Anna: You see, I went to call on Mr Bates's mother.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BATHROOM - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Cora is taking her bath.]","Cora, Countess of Grantham: O'Brien... how long do you think it takes a lady's maid to settle in?","Miss O'Brien: Depends on the maid, milady.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: 'Course it does.","[Cora drops the bar of soap.]","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Oops. Sorry.","[O'Brien walks over and picks up the soap. A second bar of soap is next to it, but she leaves it there and hands Cora the soap.]","Miss O'Brien: The other half's under the bath.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Never mind. Thank you.","[O'Brien moves the soap with her foot so it's not under the bath.]","Miss O'Brien: I'll just go and sort out your clothes, milady.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Okay.","[O'Brien enters Cora's room and pauses when she grabs Cora's dress. She looks at herself in the mirror.]","Miss O'Brien: Sarah, O'Brien, this is not who you are.","[O'Brien turns back to the bathroom.]","Miss O'Brien: Milady, if you could just wait...","[Cora shouts as she falls in the bathroom and O'Brien stops.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Robert stares out the window.]","Mr Bates: The doctor's gone, Your Lordship, but he's coming back after dinner. Lady Mary's with her now.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Thank you.","Mr Bates: I don't suppose you'll want to change. But is there anything else I can do to be useful?","[Robert turns to face Bates.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: It was a boy.","[Robert begins to cry.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm sorry, I don't mean to embarrass you.","Mr Bates: I'm not embarrassed. I just with you could have been spared this.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: I know you do. Thank you. By the way, Anna's told me what she learned in London.","Mr Bates: Has she? She's not told me.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh, well, the good news is you won't be leaving Downton. And I need some good news today.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Miss O'Brien thinks about what she's done.]","Mrs Hughes: That poor wee babe.","Anna: How's Her Ladyship doing?","Mrs Hughes: I'll take her up a tray in a minute, but I daresay she won't touch a bite.","William: What about you, Miss O'Brien?","[O'Brien looks at him like he can read her thoughts.]","Miss O'Brien: What about me?","William: It must have been quite a shock.","Miss O'Brien: Yes. Yes, it was.","[Branson enters]","Mr Carson: I think you'd better dine with us, Mr Branson. We can't know if you might be needed later.","Branson: Well, I'm to go for the doctor at ten.","[Thomas enters.]","Thomas: What a long-faced lot.","Mr Carson: Kindly show some respect.","Thomas: Come on, Mr Carson, she'll get over it. They're no bigger than a hamster at that stage.","Mr Bates: Will you shut up?","Mrs Hughes: I agree. What is the matter with you, Thomas?","Thomas: I don't know. I suppose all this makes me feel claustrophobic. I mean I'm sorry, 'course I am, but why must we live through them? They're just our employers; they're not our flesh and blood.","Daisy: Thomas, don't be so unkind.","William: Is there nothing left on earth that you respect?","Thomas: Hark at him. Blimey, if he carries on like this for the unborn baby of a woman who scarcely knows his name, no wonder he fell to pieces when his old mum snuffed it.","[Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson's jaws drop. William bolts out of his chair and punches.]","Mr Carson: William!","[Everyone stands up from the table as William pushes Thomas onto it and climbs on top of him.]","Mr Carson: Thomas! William! Stop that! That is enough!","[Neither of them pay Carson any heed. The roll of the table onto the floor and William punches Thomas. Thomas stops the next punch and hits William back. Branson steps in and pulls William off Thomas.]","Branson: Calm down.","[Carson holds back Thomas and shoves him out of the room.]","Branson: He had that coming.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[A string quartet plays for the garden party. Daisy brings a tray of food to the catering tent and Thomas brings them out to the guests, his face bruised from the fight.]","Dr Clarkson: Oh, Thomas.","[Thomas approaches the doctor.]","Dr Clarkson: I've done as I promised. General Burton is commanding the Division at Richmond and I think I may have a place there for you.","[Clarkson pulls out some papers.]","Dr Clarkson: Under Colonel Cartwright. These are the papers.","[Clarkson hands the papers to Thomas.]","Dr Clarkson: When you're ready, report to the local recruiting office and they'll take it from there. As a matter of fact, I'm being drafted back in as a captain, so I'll try to keep an eye on you.","Thomas: That's very kind of you, Doctor.","Dr Clarkson: With any luck, there may be some advantage in your having volunteered so early.","[Thomas nods and leaves. William enters the catering tent with empty champagne glasses. Daisy waits with dessert trays.]","William: Oh, hang on a minute. Now, give me yours and take this one at the same time.","Daisy: William, I'm sorry I've been so unkind to you lately.","[They exchange trays.]","William: That's all right.","Daisy: No, it's not all right. I don't know why I said those things.","William: Well, you were under an evil spell.","Daisy: Well, I'm not under it any more.","William: I'm glad.","Daisy: Friends?","William: Always friends.","[Daisy happily watches him go.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KITCHENS - DAY]","Mrs Bird: I think we should start the ices now. If you agree, Mrs Patmore.","Mrs Patmore: Certainly, Mrs Bird.","[The telephone rings and the cooks stop to look.]","Mrs Patmore: Oh, my Lord, listen to that. It's like the cry of a banshee.","[Branson enters as the phone rings again and he points to Carson's office.]","Branson: Mr Carson's telephone is ringing.","[The cooks give him a slack-jawed stare.]","Branson: Well, isn't someone going to answer it?","Mrs Patmore: I wouldn't touch that thing with a ten-foot pole.","Branson: Well, I will, then.","[Branson enters Carson's office and answer the phone properly.]","Operator: Is Mr Carson there?","Branson: No, Mr Carson's busy, but can I take a message?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Branson runs to Sybil where she's talking with Edith and two other ladies.]","Lady Edith: I wish ours was.","Branson: I've got news, milady!","[Branson whispers in Sybil's ear. Sybil covers her mouth as she gasps excitedly.]","Lady Sybil: Oh! Sorry.","[Sybil rushes off and Branson follows her, to the surprise of Edith and the other ladies. Sybil and Branson run to Gwen, who's carrying a tray.]","Lady Sybil: Mr Bromidge has rung! You've done it, Gwen! You got the job!","[Gwen gasps excitedly and shoves her tray at another maid.]","Gwen: Take it! Take it!","[The maid takes the tray and Gwen has a giggling group hug with Sybil and Branson. Mrs Hughes approaches scornfully.]","Mrs Hughes: Something to celebrate?","[The group hug breaks up to face Mrs Hughes. Branson takes Sybil's hand.]","Gwen: I got the job, Mrs Hughes! I'm a secretary! I've begun!","Mrs Hughes: I'm very happy for you, Gwen. And we'll celebrate after we've finished today's work.","Gwen: Of course, Mrs Hughes.","[Gwen sobers and goes back to work. Sybil realises she's holding Branson's hand and he turns to her.]","Branson: I don't suppose that...","Mrs Hughes: Lady Sybil? Her Ladyship was asking after you.","[Sybil leaves. Branson turns to watch her go. He thinks for a moment and is about to leave when Mrs Hughes addresses him.]","Mrs Hughes: Be careful, my lad. Or you'll end up with no job and a broken heart.","Branson: What do you mean?","[Mrs Hughes regards him for a moment and leaves with a small sigh.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Strallan walks with Mary.]","Sir Anthony Strallan: I don't seem to be able to find your sister.","Lady Mary: I wonder where she is. Of course, she may have been cornered. I know there was some old bore she was trying to dodge.","Sir Anthony Strallan: Who was that?","Lady Mary: I'm not sure. He's simply ghastly apparently, but he's promised to propose today. I can't tell you how funny she was when she acted it out. She ought to go on the stage.","Sir Anthony Strallan: Really? Ah, how amusing.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Carson watches the party with Mrs Hughes.]","Mr Carson: Well done, Mrs Hughes. Beautifully executed, as always.","Mrs Hughes: The key is in the planning.","[Thomas approaches them.]","Thomas: Mr Carson, this probably isn't the moment, but I've just heard from Dr Clarkson I've been accepted for a training scheme. For the army medical corps.","Mr Carson: Have you indeed?","Thomas: Yes, and I want to do it, so I'll be handing in my notice. I'll serve our the month, of course.","Mr Carson: Thank you, Thomas. We can talk about it later.","[Thomas leaves.]","Mrs Hughes: And you couldn't have planned that any better either.","[Mrs Hughes sighs in relief and Carson chuckles.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Edith follows Strallan.]","Lady Edith: You can't be leaving yet.","Sir Anthony Strallan: I'm afraid I must. Please make my excuses to your mother.","[Strallan tips his hat to her. Edith follows him for a moment longer as he walks away.]","Lady Edith: But...","[Mary watches her. When Edith meets her eye, Mary raises her glass to Edith in mockery.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[O'Brien goes to Cora who is lounging unhappily in the shade of a tent.]","Miss O'Brien: I wish you'd come inside, milady.","Cora, Countess of Grantham: No. People mustn't think I'm really ill. I don't want to cast a dampener on the party.","Miss O'Brien: Very well. But are you are you have everything you need, milady?","[O'Brien places a blanket over Cora's legs.]","Cora, Countess of Grantham: Dear O'Brien.","[Cora takes O'Brien's hands.]","Cora, Countess of Grantham: How sweet you are.","[O'Brien nods and leaves. Violet rushes to her.]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: O'Brien, O'Brien! Can I have a word? I need a favour and I don't want to bother Lady Grantham with it.","Miss O'Brien: Certainly, milady.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: She's been helping me find a new maid...","[O'Brien is surprised.]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: ...and we've had quite a few answers from her advertisement. Can you find where she's put them and get Branson to bring them to the Dower House?","Miss O'Brien: Her Ladyship was helping you find a new lady's maid?","[O'Brien realises her mistake.]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Yes. We should have asked you, really. You might take a look at the letters if you have a minute. There's one we liked the sound of who'd been trained in Paris.","[O'Brien is still in shock.]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Do you know where she might have put them? The answers?","[O'Brien snaps out of her troubling thoughts.]","Miss O'Brien: Oh, yes, milady. There are only two or three places they could be.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Oh, thank you, O'Brien. You're a treasure. Thank you.","[Violet leaves.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. GROUNDS, CATERING TENT - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Bates stands there with his cane while Anna brings in a tray.]","Anna: I didn't know a garden party was a spectator sport.","Mr Bates: Pretty, though, isn't it? Hard to believe the clouds are gathering on a summer's day like this.","Anna: Mr Bates, I know you think I was wrong to call on your mother.","Mr Bates: I don't think that. She likes you, by the way.","Anna: I had to find out the truth.","Mr Bates: But you see you don't know the whole truth, not even now. You know my mother's truth.","Anna: But not your wife's... Where is she now.","Mr Bates: I couldn't tell you.","Anna: I better get back.","[Anna leaves and Molesley steps up next to Bates.]","Mr Bates: Are you here, Mr Molesley? I didn't know that.","Mr Molesley: Just helping out. Nice girl, that Anna. Do you know if she's got anyone special in her life?","Mr Bates: I'd like to say she hasn't. I would, truly, but I'm afraid there is someone, yeah.","Mr Molesley: And do you think he's keen on her? Or is it worth a go?","Mr Bates: Well, he keep himself to himself. He's very hard to read at times, but...I'd say he's keen. I'd say he's very keen indeed.","[Molesley grimaces and walks on. Mrs Patmore rushes out with a tray.]","Mrs Patmore: Daisy! I said ices, not iced cakes! Now, unclog your ears and get these to William before they turn into soup.","[Daisy grabs the tray and rushes off while Mrs Patmore returns to the house.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Mary talks with Matthew by a bench.]","Lady Mary: But I don't understand, nothing's changed.","Matthew Crawley: Everything's changed.","Lady Mary: You can't be sure I was going to refuse you, even if it had been a boy. Because I'm not.","Matthew Crawley: That's the point. I can't be sure. Of you, or of anything, it seems. The last few weeks have taught me that.","Lady Mary: But you can't leave Downton.","Matthew Crawley: I can't stay. Not now.","Lady Mary: Well, what will you tell Papa?","Matthew Crawley: That I'm grateful for what he's tried to do, but the experiment is at an end. I'm not a puppet. I must take charge of my own life again.","Lady Mary: Would you have stayed if I'd accepted you?","Matthew Crawley: Of course.","Lady Mary: So I've ruined everything.","Matthew Crawley: You've shown me I've been living in a dream, and it's time to return to real life. Wish me luck with it, Mary. God knows I wish the best for you.","[Both of them are on the verge of tears when he leaves. Mary covers her face with her hands and cries.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Violet and Rosamund see Matthew return.]","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Well, Rosamund, I'm afraid your meddling has cost Mary the only decent offer she'll ever get.","Lady Rosamund: I'm sorry, Mama, but you know me. I have to say what I think.","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Why? Nobody else does.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Carson goes to Mary as she cries.]","Mr Carson: Are you quite well, my lady?","LADY MARY (broken) Of course. You know me, Carson. I'm never down for long.","[Mary continues to cry and Carson holds her in his arms.]","Mr Carson: I know you have spirit, my lady. That's what counts. It's all that counts in the end. There, there.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Isobel and Violet walk together.]","Isobel Crawley: So, Mary is to be denied her countess's coronet after all?","Violet, Countess of Grantham: Don't crow at me. I think she was very foolish not to take him when she could. Well, I told her so.","Isobel Crawley: Well, if I'm perfectly honest, I wonder if Matthew isn't making the same mistake right now.","[They watch Matthew walking alone.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Robert sits with Cora, holding her hand.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Are you warm enough?","Cora, Countess of Grantham: I am when you're holding my hand.","[Carson enters with post tray.]","Mr Carson: Your Lordship? This has just arrived for you.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Thank you.","[Robert stands as he takes it.]","Mr Carson: Oh, and I'm happy to tell you that Thomas has just handed in his notice. So we'll be spared any unpleasantness on that score.","Robert, Earl of Grantham: What a relief.","[Robert places the letter opener back on the tray and Carson leaves. Robert's expression changes to foreboding surprise as he reads the letter. He exits the tent and pulls off his hat to wave everyone's attention.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Please, will you stop, please!","[The string quartet stops playing.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: My lords, ladies and gentlemen. Can I ask for silence?","[All conversations cease and the servants step out of the catering tent to listen.]","Robert, Earl of Grantham: Because I very much regret to announce...that we are at war with Germany.","[Everyone stands in shock.]"],"Show Title":"Downton Abbey","Episode Number":"01x07","Episode Title":"Episode Seven","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_01x19.json","Recap":["Rachel is depressed after reading that Barry and Mindy are engaged. The gang frantically searches for Marcel, who slipped out of the apartment while Rachel was watching him. Rachel, unaware Marcel is an illegal exotic pet, calls Animal Control, angering Ross. The animal control officer is Rachel and Monica's old high school classmate who has a long-standing grudge against Rachel, who has no memory of her. She refuses to release Marcel until Rachel threatens to report her for accidentally shooting Phoebe with a tranquilizer dart. After, Ross finds the courage to romantically pursue Rachel but Barry, Rachel's ex-fiance, barges in declaring he still loves her."],"Transcript":["Originally written by Jeffrey Astrof and Mike Sikowitz. Transcribed by guineapig.","[NOTE: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.]","[Pre-intro scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a customer]","Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? [Guy shakes his head] Okay.","[Intro]","[Scene 1: Central Perk. Monica enters with some mail]","Monica: Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk seven.","Rachel: Thank you. [Examines it] Oh, cool! Free sample of coffee!","Monica: Oh good! 'Cause where else would we get any?","Rachel: Oh. Right. ...Oh great.","Monica: What is it?","Rachel: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the engagement notices for 'inspiration'. Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!","Monica: Barry who you almost-?","Rachel: Barry who I almost.","Monica: And Mindy, your maid of-?","Rachel: Mindy, my maid of. Oh!","Monica: [Takes it] That's Mindy? Wow, she is pretty. [Sees Rachel's look] Lucky. To have had a friend like you.","[Scene 2: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are eating Chinese]","Ross: Marcel. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Good boy. Good boy. C'mere, gimme the rice. [Marcel brings the rice] Thank you, good boy. Well, I see he's finally mastered the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'. [Rachel ignores him] 'Bring me the' and- Rach?","Rachel: What?","Ross: Hi.","Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave Barry up, right? I should be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for them.","Ross: Really.","Rachel: No. Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I were- with somebody.","Ross: Whoah, uh, what happened to, uh, 'Forget relationships! I'm done with men!' The whole, uh, pen1s embargo?","Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw- animal- sexual-","Ross: Waitwait. I, I got it. I was there.","Rachel: Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both? Y'know? Someone who's like, who's like your best friend, but then also can make your toes curl?","Ross: Yes. Yes. Yes! Yes, I really do! In fact, it's funny, very often, someone who you wouldn't think could- could curl your toes, might just be the one who...","[Enter the other four]","Monica: Hi.","Ross: ...Gets interrupted. Hi!","Rachel: Hi, how was the movie?","Monica: Wonderful!","Phoebe: So good!","Joey: Suck-fest.","Chandler: Toootal chick-flick.","Phoebe: I-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with, like, y'know, guns and bombs and, like, buses going really fast...","Joey: Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie. Just so long as there's a little nudity.","Monica: There was nudity!","Joey: I meant female nudity. Alright? I don't need to see Lou Grant frolicking.","Monica and Phoebe: Hugh! Hugh Grant!","Ross: Alright, I've gotta go. C'mon, Marcel! C'mon! We're gonna go take a bath. Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are.","Chandler: They're still just friends, right?","Rachel: [To Marcel] And I will see you tomorrow!","Ross: That's right, you're gonna spend tomorrow at Aunt Rachel's, aren't you.","Monica: Oh, hang on, hang on. Does Aunt Monica get a say in this?","Ross: 'Pwease, Aunt Monica, pwease?' Oh, unclench. You're not even gonna be there.","[Scene 3: The guys at Joe-G's Pizza]","Chandler: I can't believe we are even having this discussion.","Joey: I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief.","Chandler: I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel, they would've happened already?","Ross: I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a relationship with someone exactly like me.","Joey: She really said that?","Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.","Joey: 'Tonight' tonight?","Ross: Well, I think it's perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, she spent all day taking care of my monkey...","Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.","Ross: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her.","Chandler: Hey, y'know what you should do? You should take her back to the 1890's, when that phrase was last used.","[Cut to Rachel taking care of Marcel. They are watching a soap opera]","Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- [Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe] Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? [Takes the shoe into the kitchen] Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! [She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut] Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. [She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in] Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- [Looks down and notices he is missing] Marcel? Marc- [Notices the open door]","[Time lapse. Now everyone but Ross and Phoebe is back at Monica and Rachel's]","Joey: How could you lose him?","Rachel: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-","Monica: Wait. He pooped in my shoe? Which one?","Rachel: I don't know. The left one.","Monica: Which ones?","Rachel: Oh. Oh, those little clunky Amish things you think go with everything.","Phoebe: [Entering] Hey.","All: Hi.","Phoebe: Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so negative?","Chandler: Rachel lost Marcel.","Phoebe: Oh no, how?","Monica: He- he pooped in my shoe.","Phoebe: Which one?","Monica: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.","Phoebe: No, which one? The right or left? 'Cause the left one is lucky...","Rachel: C'mon, you guys, what're we gonna do, what're we gonna do?","Joey: Alright alright. You're a monkey. You're loose in the city. Where do you go?","Chandler: Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some of the touristy things. I'll go to Cats, you go to the Russian Tea Room.","Rachel: Oh, my, God, c'mon, you guys! He's gonna be home any minute! He's gonna kill me!","Monica: Okay, we'll start with the building. You guys take the first and second floor, Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth.","Rachel: Well, what'm I gonna do? What'm I gonna do?","Monica: Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. Spray Lysol in my shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you.","[They all leave]","Rachel: Anybody wanna trade? Oh...","[Cut to Monica and Phoebe knocking on a door. Mr. Heckles emerges]","Mr. Heckles: Whaddyou want?","Monica: Mr. Heckles, our friend lost a monkey. Have you seen it?","Mr. Heckles: I left a Belgian waffle out here, did you take it?","Monica: No!","Phoebe: Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall?","Mr. Heckles: I wasn't ready for it.","Monica: A monkey. Have you seen a monkey?","Mr. Heckles: Saw Regis Philbin once...","Phoebe: Okay, thank you, Mr. Heckles. [They move off]","Mr. Heckles: You owe me a waffle.","Rachel: [On the phone] Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchian monkey with a white face... [Enter Ross] ...with, with Russian dressing and, and pickles on the side. Okay. Thanks.","Ross: Hey. How did, uh, how'd it go today?","Rachel: Great! It went great. Really great. Hey, is that wine?","Ross: Yeah. You, uh, you want some?","Rachel: Oh, I would love some. But y'know what? Y'know what? Let's not drink it here. I'm feeling kinda crazy. You wanna go to Newark?","Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? [Uncorks the wine] Well-","Rachel: Oh God, Ross, I cannot do this.","Ross: Okay, quick and painful. [Starts to cork the wine]","Rachel: Oh God... Okay. Alright. Alright. Okay. Ross, please don't hate me.","Ross: Oh, what? Whatwhat?","Rachel: Y'know Marcel?","Ross: ...Yeah?","Rachel: Well, I kind of... I kind of lost him.","[Cut to outside the window, with Ross reacting with disbelief. The shot pans back until we see Marcel sitting on the window ledge]","[Commercial]","[Same scene]","Ross: [Angry] I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the apartment.","Rachel: I know, I know, I'm sorry-","Ross: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off with a monkey. I should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil.","Rachel: [Tearfully] Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- [Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it] Oh! Who is it?","Intercom: Animal Control.","Rachel: See? I've even called Animal Control!","Ross: You called Animal Control?","Rachel: Uh-huh... why... do you not like them?","Ross: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me.","Rachel: O-okay, now see, you never ever ever told us that...","Ross: That's right, I.. 'cause I didn't expect you were gonna invite them to the apartment!","[A knock on the door. Rachel swiftly opens it]","Rachel: Hi, thanks for coming.","Luisa [Animal Control]: Somebody called about a monkey?","Rachel: Oh, y'know what? That was a complete misunderstanding! [Ross puts his arms around her and they act all sweetness and light]","Ross: Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't.","Rachel: Turned out it was a hat.","Ross: Cat!","Rachel: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat!","[Luisa nods, but then Monica and Phoebe run in]","Monica: Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen Marcel.","Luisa: Marcel?","Ross: My uncle Marcel.","Phoebe: Oh, is that who the monkey's named after?","Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?","Phoebe: Oh my God. You'd put that poor little creature in jail?","Monica: Pheebs, you remember how we talked about saying things quietly to yourself first?","Phoebe: Yes, but there isn't always time!","Monica: Look. I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this! Um, have a seat. First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm Monica Geller.","Luisa: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green!","Rachel: Yeah!","Luisa: Luisa Gianetti! Lincoln High? I sat behind you guys in home room!","Rachel: Luisa? Oh my God! Monica! It's Luisa!","Monica: The Luisa from home room!","Rachel: Yes!!","Luisa: You have no idea who I am, do you.","Monica: No, none at all.","Rachel: None.","Luisa: Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me. I mean, would it have been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'? Or 'Nice overalls'?","Monica: Oh, I'm- I'm so sorry!","Luisa: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. [To Rachel] But you? What a bitch!","Rachel: What?!","Monica: Be that as it may, d'you think you could just help us out here on that monkey thing? Y'know, just for old times' sake? Go Bobcats?","Luisa: I could... but I won't. If I find that monkey, he's mine. [Leaves]","Phoebe: Dun-dun-duuuur! Sorry.","[Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in through a window and run down some stairs, then Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor without noticing]","Chandler: Marcel?","Joey: Marcel?","Chandler: Marcel?","Joey: Marcel?","[They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty woman emerges]","Woman #1: Hi, can I help you?","[Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment]","Chandler: Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we- we were looking for something...","Joey: A monkey.","Chandler: Yes have you seen any?","Woman #1: No. No, haven't seen a monkey. Do you know anything about fixing radiators?","Joey: Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back the other way?","Woman #1: Of course.","Joey: Oh. Then, no.","[Another sweaty woman comes to the door and speaks to her friend]","Woman #2: Did I put too much rum in here?","[Joey and Chandler shoot each other glances]","Woman #1: Just a sec. [To Chandler and Joey] Hope you find your monkey. [She starts to shut the door]","Chandler: Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono! Uh... we may not know anything about radiators per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating and cooling... mileu.","Joey: Uh, aren't we kind of in the middle of something here?","Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot.","Joey: We can't, alright? [To the women] We're sorry. You have no idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd find this monkey. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers to the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, you'd really be helping us out.","[The women quickly shut the door]","Chandler: Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other people.","Joey: Marcel?","Chandler: Marcel?!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Cut to Monica and Phoebe searching the basement]","Phoebe: Marcel?","Monica: Marcel?","Phoebe: Marcel?","Both: Marcel?","Phoebe: OhmyGod!","Monica: Whaaat!","Phoebe: Something just brushed up against my right leg!","Monica: What is it?","Phoebe: Oh, it's okay, it was just my left leg.","[Marcel makes a monkeyish noise- he is sitting in the corner]","Monica: Look, Phoebe!","Phoebe: Yeah! Oh, c'mere, Marcel! Oh, Marcel, c'mere!","[Luisa appears on the stairs]","Luisa: Step aside, ladies! [She loads a gun]","Monica: What're you gonna do?","Luisa: Just a small tranquiliser.","[In slow motion we see Phoebe look at Marcel, then at Luisa. She jumps toward Marcel just as Luisa fires the gun]","Monica: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! [Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after him. Monica goes to check up on Phoebe] Are you okay?","Phoebe: Yeah, think so. Oh! [She notices the tranquiliser dart has hit her in the butt and removes it] Huh. [Sways back] Whoah.","Monica: Oh gosh.","[Cut to Marcel walking along a hallway. He notices a banana on the floor and picks it up. The hand of an unseen person grabs him and carries him away. Then cut to Ross and Rachel on the street outside]","Ross: Marcel?","Rachel: Marcel?","Ross: Marc- oh, this is ridiculous! We've been all over the neighbourhood. He's gone, he's-he's just gone.","Rachel: Ross, you don't know that.","Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. [Kicks a sign in frustration] And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much.","Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. [Kicks the sign] Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!","Ross: Yeah, yeah. Y'know, now that you kicked the sign, hey! I don't miss Marcel any more!","Rachel: Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose.","Ross: Oh, no no no. Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, things just sort of happen around you. I mean, you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totally oblivious to people's monkeys, or to people's feelings...","Rachel: Ross.","Ross: I don't even wanna hear it, you're just-","Rachel: Ross.","Ross: Oh, forget it, okay?","Rachel: Ross!","Ross: What? What?","[A man carrying a box of bananas walks past them. They stare for a minute and then hobble after him]","Both: Hey! Hey, Bananaman!","[Scene 4: Everyone in the hall outside Mr. Heckles' door. Ross is carrying the box of bananas. He bangs on the door]","Phoebe: Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the other side has no idea.","[Mr. Heckles opens the door]","Ross: Hi, did you order some bananas?","Mr. Heckles: What about it?","Ross: Gimme back my monkey.","Mr. Heckles: I don't have a monkey.","Rachel: Then what's with all the bananas?","Mr. Heckles: Potassium.","[There is a monkey-like noise from within and Ross pushes past Mr. Heckles and enters his apartment]","Ross: Marcel? Marcel? Okay, where is he? Where is he? Marcel? Marcel?","[Marcel jumps into view wearing a pink dress. Everybody gasps]","Ross: Marcel! What've you done to him?","Mr. Heckles: That's my monkey. That's Patti, Patti the monkey.","Ross: Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon. [Marcel starts to go to him]","Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. [Marcel turns round]","Ross: C'mere, Marcel. [Turns to Ross]","Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. [Turns to Mr. Heckles]","Luisa: [Out of shot] Here, monkey. Here, monkey! Here, monkey! [Marcel runs to the door and into Luisa's cage, which she slams shut] Gotcha.","Ross: Okay, gimme my monkey back.","Mr. Heckles: That's my monkey.","Luisa: You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge.","Mr. Heckles: That's not my monkey. Just the dress is mine, you can send that back whenever.","Ross: Alright, I want my monkey.","Luisa: No!","Rachel: Oh, c'mon, Luisa!","Luisa: Sorry, prom queen.","Ross: [To Rachel] You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't've been fat.","Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!","Luisa: Nope.","Rachel: Alright. Well then how about I call your supervisor, and I tell her that you shot my friend in the ass with a dart?","[Scene 5: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel]","Ross: It'll be nice to get this off finally, won't it? Yes it will. [Marcel resists] Or we can leave it on for now, that's fine.","Rachel: Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that would be a great little outfit.","Ross: Listen, I'm- I'm sorry I was so hard on you before, it's just I-","Rachel: Oh, Ross, c'mon. It's my fault, I almost lost your-","Ross: Yeah, but you were the one who got him back, y'know? You, you were great. ...Hey, we uh, we still have that, uh, that bottle of wine. You in the mood for, uh, something grape?","Rachel: That'd be good.","Ross: Alright. [He goes to get the glasses. Then he hesitates and turns off the main light. Rachel looks round and he acts surprised] The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming. [He sits down and starts to pour the wine] Well, so long as we're here and, uh, not on the subject, I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um-","[Barry bursts in]","Barry: Rachel.","Rachel: Barry?!","Barry: I can't. I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy. I think I'm still in love with you.","Ross and Rachel: Oh!","Ross: We have got to start locking that door!","[Credits]","[Credits scene: the other four in Central Perk. They are looking through Monica's high school yearbook]","Monica: This is me in The Sound of Music. See the von Trapp kids?","Phoebe: Nope.","Monica: That's because I'm in front of them.","Chandler: Eh. I thought that was an alp.","Monica: Well, high school was not my favourite time.","Joey: I dunno, I loved high school. Y'know? It was just four years of parties and dating and s*x.","Chandler: Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys. Any s*x I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice.","Monica: Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago?","Phoebe: Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! [She stands up and starts to dance around] Ooh! My butt cheek is waking up! Oooh! Ooh!"],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"01x19","Episode Title":"The One Where the Monkey Gets Away","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_02x02.json","Recap":["The guys are uncomfortable by seeing Carol breastfeeding Ben. The situation is made worse by Joey and Phoebe tasting the milk. Rachel resents Monica's growing friendship with Julie, though Monica feels obligated to spend time with her brother's girlfriend. At his department store job, Joey competes with a fellow cologne spritzer for a beautiful colleague's ( Emily Procter ) affection."],"Transcript":["Originally written by Adam Chase and Ira Ungerleider Transcribed by Mindy Mattingly Phillips [mmatting@indiana.edu].","MONICA: Ok, these were unbelievably expensive, and I know he's gonna grow out of them in like, 20 minutes, but I couldn't resist.","PHOEBE: Oh, look at these! Hey, Ben. Just do it. Oh my god, oh, ok, was that too much pressure for him?","CHANDLER: You know, it's...something funny about sneakers. I'll be right back.","JOEY: I gotta get one, too.","ROSS: What are you guys doing?","CHANDLER: We're just hanging out by the spoons. Ladle?","ROSS: Look, would you guys grow up? That is the most natural beautiful thing in the world.","JOEY: Yeah, we know, but there's a baby suckin' on it.","ROSS: This is my son having lunch, ok? It's gonna happen a lot, so you'd better get used to it. Now if you have any problem with it, if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions. Carol's fine with it, now come on.","CHANDLER: Carol, Carol? I was just wondering if Joey could ask you a question about breast-feeding?","CAROL: Sure.","JOEY: Uh, does it hurt?","CAROL: It did at first, but not anymore.","JOEY: Chandler?","CHANDLER: So, uh, how often can you do it?","CAROL: As much as he needs.","JOEY: Ok, I got one, I got one. If he blows into one, does the other one get bigger?","OPENING TITLES","JULIE: Rachel, do you have any muffins left?","RACHEL: Yeah, I forget which ones.","JULIE: Oh, you're busy, that's ok, I'll get it. Anybody else want one? Oh, you're losin' your apron here, let me get it. There you go.","RACHEL: Thank you. What a bitch.","JULIE: Oh, listen you guys. I have this friend at Bloomingdales who's quitting tomorrow and he wants to abuse his discount. So, anyone want to come with me and take advantage of it?","PHOEBE: I can't, I have to take my grandmother to the vet.","MONICA: Ok, um, I'll go with you.","JULIE: Great.","ROSS: Hi, honey.","CHANDLER: Hey, sweetums.","ROSS: Hello to the rest.","JOEY: Monica what're you doin'? You can't go shopping with her? What about Rachel?","MONICA: It's gonna be a problem, isn't it?","CHANDLER: Come on, you're going to Bloomingdales with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.","MONICA: But I'm--","PHOEBE: Monica, she will kill you. She will kill you like a dog in the street.","ROSS: So, uh, Jules tells me you guys are going shopping tomorrow?","MONICA: Yeah, uh, it's actually not that big a deal.","ROSS: It's a big deal to me. This is great, Monica. I really appreciate this.","MONICA: You're welcome.","PHOEBE: Woof, woof.","JOEY: Bijan for men? Hey Annabelle.","ANNABELLE: Hey, Joey. So did you hear about the new guy?","JOEY: Who?","ANNABELLE: Nobody knows his name. Me and the girls just call him the Hombre man.","JOEY: What's he doin' in my section?","ANNABELLE: I guess he doesn't know.","JOEY: Well, he's gonna. I'll see you a little later, ok? Hey, how ya doin'?","TODD: Mornin'.","JOEY: Listen, I know you're new, but it's kinda understood that everything from Young Men's to the escalator is my territory.","TODD: Your territory, huh?","JOEY: Yeah. Bijan for men?","GUY: No thanks.","TODD: Hombre?","GUY: Yeah. All right.","TODD: You were saying?","MONICA: Phoebe, listen. You were with me, and we were shopping all day.","PHOEBE: What?","MONICA: We were shopping, and we had lunch.","PHOEBE: Oh, all right. What did I have?","MONICA: You had a salad.","PHOEBE: Oh, no wonder I don't feel full.","RACHEL: Hey, guys, what's up.","PHOEBE: I went shopping with Monica all day, and I had a salad.","RACHEL: Good, Pheebs. What'd you buy?","PHOEBE: Um, we went shopping for um, for, fur.","RACHEL: You went shopping for fur?","PHOEBE: Yes, and then I realized I'm against that, and uh, so then we bought some, uh, boobs.","RACHEL: You bought boobs?","PHOEBE: Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.","JOEY: Bijan for men? Hey, Annabelle, Uh, listen, I was wondering if maybe after work we could go maybe grab a cup of coffee.","ANNABELLE: Oh, actually I sorta have plans.","TODD: Ready, Annabelle?","ANNABELLE: You bet. Maybe some other time?","JOEY: Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a cowboy spraying cologne. Bijan for men?","CAROL: Ok, and this is Funny Clown. Funny Clown is only for after his naps, not before his naps or he won't sleep.","ROSS: Carol, we've been through this before, ok? We have a good time. We laugh, we play. It's like we're father and son.","SUSAN: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.","RACHEL: Oh, this is so cute.","SUSAN: Oh, I got that for him.","ROSS: My mommies love me. That's clever.","MONICA: Hello? Oh, Hi, Ju-- Hi, Jew! Uh huh? Uh huh? Ok. Um, sure, that'd be great. See ya then. Bye.","RACHEL: Did you just say Hi, Jew?","MONICA: Yes. Uh, yes, I did. That was my friend, Eddie Moskowitz. Yeah, he likes it. Reaffirms his faith.","PHOEBE: Ben, dinner!","ROSS: Thanks Aunt Pheebs. Hey, you didn't microwave that, did you, because it's breast milk, and you're not supposed to do that.","PHOEBE: Duh, I think I know how to heat breast milk. Ok.","CHANDLER: What did you just do?","PHOEBE: I licked my arm, what?","ROSS: It's breast milk.","PHOEBE: So?","RACHEL: Phoebe, that is juice, squeezed from a person.","JOEY: What is the big deal?","CHANDLER: What did you just do?","ROSS: Ok, would people stop drinking the breast milk?","PHOEBE: You won't even taste it?","ROSS: No!","PHOEBE: Not even if you just pretend that it's milk?","ROSS: Not even if Carol's breast had a picture of a missing child on it.","MONICA: Hey, where is everybody?","RACHEL: They took Ben to the park. Where've you been?","MONICA: Just out. Had some lunch, just me, little quality time with me. Thanks for your jacket.","RACHEL: Oh, no problem. You can borrow it, by the way. Here are your keys, hon. Mon, if uh you were at lunch alone, how come it cost you uh 53 dollars?","MONICA: You know what probably happened? Someone musta stolen my credit card.","RACHEL: And sorta just put the receipt back in your pocket","MONICA: That is an excellent excellent question. That is excellent.","RACHEL: Monica, what is with you? Who'd you have lunch with?","MONICA: Judy.","RACHEL: Who?","MONICA: Julie.","RACHEL: What?","MONICA: Jody.","RACHEL: You were with Julie?","MONICA: Look, when it started I was just trying to be nice to her because she was my brother's girlfriend. And then, one thing led to another and, before I knew it, we were...shopping.","RACHEL: Oh. Oh my god.","MONICA: Honey, wait. We only did it once. It didn't mean anything to me.","RACHEL: Yeah, right.","MONICA: Really, Rachel, I was thinking of you the whole time. Look, I'm sorry, all right. I never meant for you to find out.","RACHEL: Oh, please, you wanted to get caught.","MONICA: That is not true!","RACHEL: Oh, so you just sort of happened to leave it in here?","MONICA: Did it ever occur to you that I might just be that stupid?","RACHEL: Ok, Monica. I just have to know one thing. Did you go with her to Bloomingdales? Oh! Ok, ok, ok, I just really, uh, I just really need to not be with you right now.","MONICA: Hi, who's this? Hi, Joanne. Is Rachel working? It's Monica. Yes, I know I did a horrible thing. Joanna, it's not as simple as all that, ok? No, I don't care what Steve thinks. Hi, Steve.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CAROL: How did we do?","PHOEBE: Oh, I tasted Ben's milk, and Ross freaked out.","ROSS: I did not freak out.","CAROL: Why'd you freak out?","ROSS: Because it's breast milk. It's gross.","CAROL: My breast milk is gross?","SUSAN: This should be fun.","ROSS: No, no, Carol. There's nothing wrong with it. I just don't think breast milk is for adults.","CHANDLER: Of course the packaging does appeal to grown-ups and kids alike.","CAROL: Ross, you're being silly. I've tried it, it's no big deal. Just taste it.","ROSS: That would be no.","PHOEBE: Come on. It doesn't taste bad.","JOEY: Yeah, it's kinda sweet, sorta like, uh--","SUSAN: Cantaloupe juice.","JOEY: Exactly.","ROSS: You've tasted it? You've tasted it.","SUSAN: Uh huh.","ROSS: Oh, you've tasted it.","SUSAN: You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being true.","ROSS: Gimme the bottle. Gimme the towel.","CHANDLER: Howdy.","JOEY: Gimme a box a juice. Well, they switched me over to Hombre.","CHANDLER: Well, maybe it's because of the way you're dressed.","JOEY: Or maybe it's because this guy's doing so good they wanna put more people on it. You should see this guy, Chandler, he goes through two bottles a day.","CHANDLER: What do you care? You're an actor. This is your day job. This isn't supposed to mean anything to you.","JOEY: I know, but, I was the best, you know? I liked being the best. I don't know. Maybe I should just get outta the game. They need guys up in housewares to serve cheese.","CHANDLER: All right, say you do that. You know sooner or later somebody's gonna come along that slices a better cheddar. And then where're you gonna run?","JOEY: Yeah I guess you're right.","CHANDLER: You're damn right I'm right. I say you show this guy what you're made of. I say you stand your ground. I say you show him that you are the baddest hombre west of the lingerie.","JOEY: I'm gonna do it.","CHANDLER: All right. Now go see Miss Kitty and she'll fix you up with a nice hooker.","MONICA: I don't know what else to say.","RACHEL: Well that works out good, because I'm not listening.","MONICA: I feel terrible, I really do.","RACHEL: Oh, I'm sorry, did my back hurt your knife?","MONICA: Rachel, say that I'm friends with her, we spend some time together. Is that so terrible?","RACHEL: Yes.","MONICA: It's that terrible?","RACHEL: Yes. Monica, you don't get it. It's bad enough that she's stolen the guy who might actually be the person that I am supposed to be with, but now, she's actually, but now she's actually stealing you.","MONICA: Me? What are you talking about? Nobody could steal me from you. I mean, just because I'm friends with her doesn't make me any less friends with you. I mean, you're my...We're, we're...Oh, I love you.","RACHEL: I love you too.","PHOEBE: You guys, um I know that this really doesn't have anything to do with me, but um I love you guys too. Oh, I really needed that.","MONICA: Look, I know that you're in a place right now where you really need to hate Julie's guts, but she didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she was just a girl who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that if you gave her a chance, you'd like her. Would you just give that a chance, for me?","RACHEL: I'd do anything for you, you know that.","MONICA: I'd do anything for you.","PHOEBE: Wait, wait, wait, wait!","JOEY: Mornin'. I said, mornin'.","TODD: I heard ya.","STORE GUY: All right, everybody, I'm openin' the doors. You boys ready?","TODD: Ready.","JOEY: Yeah, I'm ready.","CUSTOMER: You idiot, you stupid cowboy, you blinded me, I'm suing!","STORE GUY: Oh my god, Todd! What the hell did you do?","TODD: I'm sorry. I am such a doofus. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.","ANNABELLE: My god, what happened?","JOEY: These new kids, they never last. Sooner or later, they all...stop lastin'. Listen, uh, what do you say I buy you that cup of coffee now?","ANNABELLE: Sure.","JULIE: So.","RACHEL: So. I just thought the two of us should hang out for a bit. I mean, you know, we've never really talked. I guess you'd know that, being one of the two of us, though, right?","JULIE: I know, I probably shouldn't even tell you this, but I'm pretty much totally intimidated by you.","RACHEL: Really? Me?","JULIE: Yes. Oh my god, are you kidding? Ross is so crazy about you, and I really wanted you to like me, and, it's probably me being totally paranoid, but I kinda got the feeling that maybe you don't.","RACHEL: Well, you're not totally paranoid.","JULIE: Oy.","RACHEL: Um, ok, uh, oh god, um, when you and uh Ross first started going out, it was really hard for me, um, for many reasons, which I'm not gonna bore you with now, but um, I just, I see how happy he is, you know, and how good you guys are together, and um, Monica's always saying how nice you are, and god I hate it when she's right.","JULIE: Thanks. Hey, listen, would you like to go to a movie sometime or something?","RACHEL: Yeah, that'd be great. I'd love it.","JULIE: I'd love it too. Shoot, I gotta go. So, I'll talk to you later.","RACHEL: All right, Julie. What a manipulative bitch."],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"02x02","Episode Title":"The One With the Breast Milk","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_03x18.json","Recap":["One of Monica's customers leaves her a $20,000 tip that she considers to be a joke. He turns out to be billionaire Pete Becker ( Jon Favreau ) who wants to date Monica. Phoebe is shocked when her 18-year-old brother becomes engaged to his former teacher, Alice ( Debra Jo Rupp ), a woman more than twice his age. Phoebe convinces Alice to come to her apartment and tell Frank why the relationship cannot work, only for this to backfire when the couple become passionate upon seeing each other. Chandler uses a hypnosis audio tape while sleeping to quit smoking, but it is meant for women, which brings out his feminine side. Monica agrees to a date with Pete, who takes her out for pizza--in Italy."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Central Perk, all but Chandler are there, Joey laughs for no apparent reason.]","Monica: (to Joey) What's so funny?","Joey: Oh, nothing, no. It's an acting exercise, I'm practising my fake laugh.","Monica: Oh. (she laughs)","Joey: What-what's so funny?","(Chandler enters with a cigarette.)","Gunther: (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, there's none of that in here.","Chandler: Oh come on man! At least let me finish this last one.","Gunther: Okay, but only if you give me a drag.","Chandler: Okay.","(Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.)","Gunther: Oh dark mother, once again I suckle at your smokey tit. (hands Chandler back the cigarette.)","Chandler: No-no, why don't you hang on to that one.","(He goes and sits down next to Rachel and puts a cigarette in his mouth, which Rachel takes away from him. He puts another cigarette in his mouth, and Rachel takes it away again.)","Chandler: Okay, that's like the least fun game ever.","Rachel: Well, I'm really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit. (hands him an audio cassette)","Chandler: Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake laughs.)","Rachel: Come on, it's a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasn't smoked since.","Ross: Pffhah.","Rachel: (to Ross) What's your problem?","Ross: Nothing, it's just that hypnosis is beyond crap.","Rachel: Ross, I watched you get hypnotised in Atlantic City.","Ross: Hey, that guy did not hypnotise me! Okay.","Rachel: Oh right, 'cause you always pull your pants down at the count of three and play Wipe-out on your butt cheeks.","Phoebe: All right, y'know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men.","Chandler: Or what my Father called Thursday night.","Opening Credits","[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Ross is handing Rachel a cup of coffee.]","Ross: Here you go.","Rachel: Oh, y'know what, I didn't want cinnamon on this.","Ross: Sorry. (To remedy that, Ross scoops the cinnamon off of the top with his hand.)","Frank: (entering) Hi!","Phoebe: Oh my God!!","Frank: Hi!","Phoebe: Frank! Hi!","Frank: How are you?","Phoebe: What are you doing here?","Frank: Oh, well y'know, I would've called but I lost your phone number and then ah, my Mom locked me out of the house so I couldn't find it. And then, I tried to find a pay phone, and ah, the receiver was cut off. So...","Phoebe: What happened?","Frank: Ah, oh, the ah, vandalism.","Phoebe: But, also, what happened between you and your Mom?","Frank: Well, we got into a fight 'cause ah, she said I was to immature to get married.","Phoebe: Your getting married?!","Frank: Oh, yeah!","All: Wow!","Phoebe: My little brother's getting married!!","Frank: Oh, I knew you'd be so cool about this. All right, ah, hey, do you want to meet her?","Phoebe: Do I?","Frank: Do you?","Phoebe: Yeah, I do, yeah.","Frank: Okay, cool, all right, she just ah, parking the truck. (to Joey) I'm gonna, I'm gonna get my ah, my fianc\ufffde man!","Chandler: Y'know, I would've bet good money that he'd be the first one of us to get married.","Phoebe: Yeah, isn't it fantastic?","Monica: Yeah, ah, but Pheebs don't you think he's a little young to get married?","Phoebe: What, he's 18.","Ross: Exactly, it'll be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party.","Joey: Yeah, or-or to get a hooker.","Chandler: Always illegal Joe.","Frank: (entering with his fianc\ufffde Alice, who is obviously much, much older than he is) Hey! Hey! This is ah, my fianc\ufffde, Mrs. Knight. (he points out Phoebe to her)","Alice: Y'know it-it's funny, um, Frank told me so much about you, but your not how I pictured you at all.","Phoebe: Yeah, I'm a big surprise.","(Ross lets them both sit in his chair.)","Monica: So, um, how-how did you guys meet?","Frank: Well um, I was in ah Mrs. Knight's ah, I mean Alice, sorry, Alice, I always do that. I was in her ah, Home Ec class.","Alice: And he was my best student.","Frank: Yeah, she was my best teacher.","Alice: Ohhh. (They embrace in a very passionate kiss.)","Chandler: If that doesn't keep kids in school, what will?","Ross: And so now you guys are gonna be married?","Alice: Yeah. Y'know we-we talked about just living together, but um, we want to have kids right away.","(Both Chandler and Phoebe have shocked looks on their faces.)","Rachel: Oh my God!! Great!","Phoebe: Wow, kids. Frank, are you sure you're ready for that?","Frank: I mean, how hard can it be? Y'know, I mean, y'know, babies, y'know who doesn't want babies right? And besides y'know, I never had a Dad around, and ah, now-now I always will, 'cause y'know, it'll be me. Right?","Alice: Y'know, I mean, really we do realise that there's an age difference between us.","Phoebe: Oh good! Okay. 'Cause you were acting like you didn't.","Alice: Oh no, but when it comes to love, what does age matter?","(They both growl and hiss at each other and then kiss passionately again.)","[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler is listening to the hypnosis tape.]","Hypnosis Tape: You are falling fast asleep. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. You are now completely asleep. You don't need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman.","[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Monica is working, Rachel is having lunch.]","Monica: And y'know what, I just realised, in the last year I've only gone out with two guys, Richard and Julio. You gotta help me out here, you gotta set me up, you gotta get me back in the game.","Rachel: Well, that shouldn't be a problem. I mean I work in fashion and all I meet are eligible straight men.","Monica: (to a customer) Pete, can I get you something else?","Pete: Yeah, a slice of cheesecake and-and a date if you're given' 'em out.","Monica: Haven't you and I covered that topic?","Pete: Hmm, come on, you just said to her that you....","Monica: Aww, the only reason you want to go out with me because my blond wig, and the big boobs, and the fact that I serve you food.","Pete: Well, if that were true, I'd dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out were just plain awkward. (to Rachel) Come on, you think she should go out with me, don't you?","Rachel: (laughs) Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? I mean that ain't a pretty picture in the morning, y'know what I mean. That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung over the night stand, y'know.","Monica: I mean really, think about it.","Pete: Ho-ho, I will.","[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are being lectured by Phoebe.]","Phoebe: No, I know, I know, that this is Frank's life, (walks behind them, they turn around in the leather chairs to face her) y'know. Y'know, I don't want to be all judgmental, y'know, but this is sick, it's sick and wrong!","Ross: Pheebs, what, is it the age thing?","Phoebe: No-no, oh, I'm fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts sticking it's tongue down my little brother's throat!","Joey: Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it.","Phoebe: But, I mean, do you think he's gonna enjoy it when he's up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and it-it's not fair to the babies, and y'know what, it's not good home economics.","Joey: Well, have-have you told him how you feel?","Phoebe: Yes. Not out loud.","Ross: Pheebs, if you don't tell him, soon he's gonna be married, and then you're gonna hate yourself.","Phoebe: Yeah, but if I do tell him, then he's gonna hate myself. I mean look at him and his Mom, I can't. (pause) But, you guys can, please you gotta talk him out of it.","Ross and Joey: No-no-no-no-no. (They start to turn away, but Phoebe stops them, and turns them back to face her.)","Phoebe: Come on, you guys, you have nothing to lose, I have everything to lose. Do you want me to lose everything? Everything?!","Ross and Joey: No.","Phoebe: Okay, I'm gonna go get Frank. (exits)","Joey: So, we're walking down the street and I turn to you and I say, \"Hey, let's go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes,\" remember? And then, and then, you turn to me and say, \"Nah, let's just hang out at your place.\" Well, that was a nice move dumb ass.","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Monica are entering.]","Rachel: I think you should definitely go out with this guy.","Monica: Nah, he doesn't do anything for me.","Rachel: Monica, last Saturday night, what happened on Walker: Texas Ranger?","Monica: Well, umm, Walker was looking for this big bus load of kids.... (realises) All right, I get your point.","Rachel: All right.","Chandler: (entering, carrying a briefcase) Hi.","Monica: Hey.","Chandler: Y'know, I forgot the combination to this about a year ago? I just carry it around. Do you have any Chap Stick?","Monica: Uh, yeah.","Rachel: Hey, how are those tapes working out for ya?","Chandler: Y'know what, pretty good.","Rachel: Yeah?","Chandler: Good! I haven't smoked yet today, I feel great, and-and-and confident, that is a stunning blouse.","Rachel: Thank you.","Monica: Here you go.","Chandler: Thanks","Rachel: Hey Mon, let's give Pete a chance Come on, he was funny, he seems really nice, and that check thing was adorable.","Chandler: What check thing?","Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so I'd call him.","Chandler: (reading the check) Pete Becker. Pete... (quickly grabs a magazine and opens it up to show her a picture) (pointing to the picture) Is this him?","Monica: That's Bill Clinton.","Chandler: Who's he huggin'?","Monica: Oh my God! That's Pete! But why is Bill huggin' Pete?","Chandler: This guy invented Moss 865! Every office in the world uses that program!","Rachel: We use it!!","Chandler: There you go!!","Rachel: Oh my God, Monica's gonna go out with a millionaire.","Monica: I'm not gonna go out with him.","Rachel: Oh my God, I can't believe this is a real $20,000 check, oh this is just so exciting.","Monica: Or incredibly offensive.","Rachel: Oh yeah, sure, that too.","(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)","Chandler: (to the girls who are staring at him) What?","[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are talking to Frank.]","Ross: All we're saying is don't rush into anything.","Joey: Yeah, come on, think about it. You're 18, okay, she's 44, when you're 36, she's gonna be 88.","Frank: What, you don't think I know that?","Joey: Look, the point is, there's a lot of women out there you haven't even had s*x with yet!","Ross: Yeah, he-he's right, he's right. This is your time y'know, yeah, you're young, you're-you're weird, chicks dig that.","Frank: Okay, but isn't s*x better when it's with one person that you really, really care about.","Joey: Yeah, in a poem maybe.","Ross: No the man's right, that's what I had with Rachel.","Frank: You don't have it anymore?","Ross: No, I ah, I slept with someone else.","Frank: Okay, so wait, all right, so how does that make things better?","Ross: It didn't.","Frank: Okay, so what you used to have with Rachel, is what I've got with Alice.","Joey: Now, wh-what, what is that like?","Frank: It's so cool man, it's so, it's just 'cause being with her is so much better than like not being with her.","Ross: Yeah, yeah.","Joey: (to Ross) Why can't I find that?","Ross: Don't ask me, I had it and I blew it!","Joey: Well, I want it!","Frank: You can have it!","Joey: I don't know, maybe I can't. I mean, maybe there's something wrong with me.","Ross: Oh, no! No!","Frank: It's out there man! I've seen it! I got it!!","Joey: Then you hold on to it!!","Frank: All right, man!!","Joey: All right, congratulations you lucky b*st*rd! (hugs him)","[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it's after Ross and Joey's talk with Frank, and Phoebe's is finding out what happened.]","Phoebe: (to Joey) You're Frank's best man?!","Joey: I couldn't help it, there love is so pure.","Phoebe: Well then, (to Ross) what about you?! Huh?!","Ross: I'm the ring bearer.","(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. He's just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell he's doing.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Phoebe's, Phoebe is opening the door.]","Phoebe: Hi! Oh, Alice, hi! Thanks. I'm so glad you could come, 'cause I've got a real umm, Home Ec emergency. (Points to the table cloth, which has a huge mustard stain on it.)","Alice: Oh my God, who died on this?!","Phoebe: Yeah, I know. It's a real mustard-tastrophe. Can you help me?","Alice: Absolutely. Okay, first we'll start with a little club soda and salt, and then if that doesn't work we can go back to...","Phoebe: Y'know what, forget it. It's ruined.","Alice: Oh no-no, never say that. If we can't get it out then we can cut around the stain, add a little lace, you make a stylish throw.","Phoebe: Or instead, maybe you could just not marry my brother Frank.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Pete's office, he is participating in a conference call with three other employees, each of whom are on a different TV screen that he controls with a remote.]","Pete: Okay, that's great, but can we make it smaller? Can we make it fit on the head of a pin? I love when we make things fit on the head of a pin.","All: Got it. Yeah all right. Yeah, okay.","(The intercom buzzes.)","Secretary: You have a Miss Monica Geller here.","Pete: Uh, absolutely, yeah, sEnd her in. (Monica enters) Hi.","Monica: What the hell is this? (holding up the check)","Pete: Hang on a second. (to the employees) I'll-I'll talk to you in the morning. (turns two of the three off) I'm sorry what?","Monica: Seriously, what is this supposed to mean?","Pete: Well, y'know, I never know how much to tip.","Monica: You're supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania. I mean, what's-what's the deal? Are you, are you trying to buy me? Is this the way you get girls to go out with you?","Employee: Umm, I'm still here.","Pete: (turns off the TV) You're taking this all wrong. Because, if I didn't leave you that tip, you wouldn't of come down here, we wouldn't be having this argument, and there wouldn't be this ah, heat between us.","Monica: What?!","Pete: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. 'Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now we're like this-this couple that fights.","Monica: Okay, umm, you're a loon.","Pete: Look, forget the check, okay. (rips up the check) I like you. I think you're great. Come on, what do you say?","Monica: I don't know.","Pete: Why not?","Monica: 'Cause I don't want to encourage this kind of behaviour.","Pete: One meal! That's all I'm asking for. Please? We go out, we eat, and if you don't have a good time, I give you ten grand, we call it even.","[Scene: Phoebe's, she is coming home. She turns on the lights, and sits down on the couch.]","Frank: (hiding under a pile of clothes) Hi. (She jumps up screaming.) Wait, no! Just put the mail down. It's-it's me!","Phoebe: Okay. Whoa, sorry. Why were you just like all in the dark?","Frank: Oh well, um, your, your laundry just smelled so good, that I thought I'd curl up in it. Is that all right?","Phoebe: Oh, yeah, sure. So, how was your day?","Frank: Oh, well just probably the worst one since I've been alive.","Phoebe: What umm, what happened?","Frank: Umm, Alice ah, she ah, called it off.","Phoebe: Oh no. Did umm, did she say why?","Frank: Uh, no, not really, just that I was too young, y'know, but I don't see how I could all of the sudden be too young, 'cause I'm older than I was when we first got together.","Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, no, I don't, I don't know. But, y'know what, maybe it's just all for the best?","Frank: Yeah, if the best is like unbelievable pain!","Phoebe: Oh, sweetie, oh. (hugs him)","Frank: Y'know, I just was finally happy y'know. For the first time in my life! After my Dad left me, and then, and then getting arrested for stealing those birds, and then, and then the whole punctured lung thing! I can, it's still really hard to take deep breaths in cold weather, but with Alice all that stuff kinda went away. And now it's, and now it's gone and I don't know why!","Phoebe: Uh, well I can tell you why. It's, it's because of me. But, y'know what, I only did it because I love you. Okay?","Frank: What?","Phoebe: Umm, well I, I kinda had a little chat with Alice, and I sort of made her see why you two shouldn't be together, y'know. And you're gonna see it to, one day, you really, really will.","Frank: Wait a minute, wait, this is because of you?","Phoebe: Okay.","Frank: Well, you, wait no, my Mother didn't want us to be together, but the worst thing she ever did was tie me to the porch.","Phoebe: Okay, but.","Frank: Wait, y'know what, I-I came to you because I thought you'd understand! Oh no!! Y'know, I would storm out of here right now if-if I had some money, or a place to go...","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Monica ready for her date. The guys are also there. The door buzzes.]","Rachel: Oh my God! The millionaire's here!","Chandler: (in a feminine way) Oh my God! (and he jumps all around)","Monica: Guys, please, I'm just gonna have dinner with him. Okay?","Chandler: Okay, okay, just because he buys you dinner, does not mean you owe him anything.","Monica: I know!!","Chandler: Okay, then get the lobster!","Monica: (opening the door) (to Pete) Hey!","Pete: Hi.","Rachel: Hi!!","Joey: Hey!","Ross: Hi!","(They're all staring at him, with big, huge smiles on their faces.)","Joey: Hey, how much cash do you got in your pocket right now?","Monica: And that's why, I'm not inviting you in for a drink. (starts to leave) Bye.","All: Oh-no-no-no-no....","Rachel: Just one drink?!","Monica: (in the hallway) So, where do you want to go?","Pete: Hey, you like pizza?","Monica: Oh, that's sounds great.","Pete: I know a great little place.","[Cut to a shot of the coliseum in Rome, Italy.]","[Scene: A restaurant in Rome, Monica is paying for the pizza.]","Pete: You're, hey, you're not paying for the pizza!","Monica: Oh come on, it's only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?","Pete: Ahh, I'd throw another thousand on that.","Monica: Why, how much is that?","Pete: That's about 60 cents.","[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it's the middle of the night. Joey is walking into the living room, and runs into the entertainment centre.]","Joey: Every night!!","(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandler's bedroom.)","Hypnosis Tape: You do not need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. (Joey walks out smiling to himself.)","[Scene: Phoebe's, Frank is watching TV, and he's very depressed as Phoebe enters.]","Phoebe: Hey, Frank. Look, okay, I know that you think I did like this totally evil thing, but I so didn't. There's someone here who can explain this better than I can.","Alice: Hi Frank.","Frank: Hi, Mrs. Knight.","Alice: Phoebe's right Frank. I know it's hard to hear, but it would've been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we, we want the same things now, in the future we may not. (to Phoebe) Is that it, is that what it is?","Phoebe: Yeah, but not just that.","Alice: Right, not just that. Umm, even though we love each other as much as we do, none the less...","Phoebe: None the less.","Alice: None the less. Umm, you're too young to, to really know what you want. (They embrace in a passionate kiss.)","Phoebe: That's right, exactly. (sees them) All right, it's a good bye kiss, that's good. (Frank picks Alice up and they move to the couch) Bye-bye. (They both lie down on the couch and start to make out.) Okay, no, the important thing is that you see what I'm saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. (They ignore her) Okay, I've decided I'm gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my purse? (She reaches in and Alice moans) Okay, all right, good. (leaves).","Closing Credits","[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, he's listening to the hypnosis tape again.]","Hypnosis Tape: Cigarette's don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke.","Joey: (He's recorded his voice on the tape) Joey's your best friEnd. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. (he laughs) And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.","(Chandler wakes up and stares at the tape.)"],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"03x18","Episode Title":"The One With The Hypnosis Tape","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_04x16.json","Recap":["Pregnant Phoebe, a vegetarian, craves meat and enlists Joey's help. He offers to refrain from eating meat, thus balancing out what Phoebe consumes. Ross wants to spend as much time with Emily as possible before she returns to London. Rachel throws a fake surprise goodbye party for Emily as a ruse to invite Joshua, disrupting Ross' more intimate farewell plans."],"Transcript":["Teleplay by Shana Goldberg-Meehan & Scott Silveri Story by Alicia Sky Varinaitis","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is stressing out about something.]","Monica: What is it hon?","Phoebe: I-I can't find anything that I want to eat! Everything I eat makes me nauseous! I'm telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cake-ooh! Cake! (Chandler shrugs, and Phoebe grimaces.) No.","Monica: Aww, honey I'm sorry.","Phoebe: God! Ooh! What is that smell? It's coming from the bathroom. Ooh! (She goes to the bathroom.)","Chandler: Wow! Pregnancy does give you some weird cravings.","[Cut to the bathroom, Joey is taking a shower and Phoebe knocks on the door.]","Joey: Yeah?","Phoebe: It's me. It's Phoebe. Listen there's something in here I want to eat, what-what smells so good?","(Joey sticks his head out of the shower curtain.)","Joey: Is it the shampoo? It's guava.","Phoebe: (she smells his head) No!","Joey: Oh! Wait-wait! (Reaches inside the shower.) Is it my bologna sandwich?","Phoebe: Yes. Yes. Yes. I can't believe it! The baby wants bologna! Maybe he wants me to eat meat? I can't eat meat!","Joey: Oh, wait-wait! (Reaches into the shower again.) Maybe it's a pickle?!","(Phoebe grimaces at the smell.)","OPENING CREDITS","[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Joey and Rachel are there. Rachel is writing something on a pad, and then crumples it up and throws it on the floor.]","Chandler: What are you writing?","Rachel: Well, Joshua's coming in tomorrow and since I don't have the guts to ask him out, I'm going to sell him a coat and put this note in the pocket.","Chandler: Oh yeah? (He grabs the pad and starts reading it.) Joshua, give me a call sometime, guys like you (Pause) never go out of style-what did you throw away?","(Ross and Emily enter.)","Chandler: Hi guys!","All: Hey!","Joey: Hey, what have you guys been up too?","Ross: Oh, we went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs and the Cupert-Hewitt museum.","Chandler: Without me?!","Emily: My uncle dragged us there. But, it actually it turned out to be really interesting.","Ross: Yeah.","Emily: They were so ornate and beautiful, I mean look at that! (Shows them a doorknob she has.)","Monica: I don't know how museums work in England but, here, you're not supposed to take stuff.","Emily: I uh, I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there. (Chandler is shocked.) It's a joke. (They all laugh.)","Ross: Bye. (They kiss.)","Emily: Right, I've got to be off, I'll see ya. Buh-bye then. (She leaves.)","Joey: Wow! You guys seem to be having a good time.","Ross: Oh yeah, she's-she's amazing. And-and she's so much fun. And! Y'know what? When I'm with her, I'm fun! I even signed up for helicopter classes. (Chandler is shocked.) She's leaving in two days, I don't have to do it.","Monica: Oh no, two days, you must be bummed.","Ross: Yeah, she's got to go back to London. But you know what? I've been prepared for this from the start. We both knew we had two weeks together, and that's it. Y'know.","Joey: Hey that's what all my relationships are like.","Chandler: Yes, but in Ross's case, they both know in two weeks that's it.","(Phoebe enters.)","Ross: Pheebs!","All: Hey!","Ross: (starts rubbing her belly) Hello! Hello!","Phoebe: (angered by the rubbing) Yes! I know! I know! Yeah! So the baby is totally craving meat. This afternoon I tried tricking it, I made it a soy-burger to make it think it was getting meat, y'know? And I got nauseous.","Chandler: Maybe that's because soy-burgers suck!","Phoebe: Being pregnant is tough on your tummy.","Joey: Hey, but at least you got that cool, pregnant lady glow.","Phoebe: That's sweat. You throw up all morning, you'll have that glow too.","[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Rachel is preparing to slip Joshua the note.]","Joshua: (coming in from a changing room) Okay!","Rachel: Oh, here's that trench-coat that you wanted.","Joshua: Oh great! (He tries on the coat.) Wow! Yeah, it's comfortable.","Rachel: Yeah?","Joshua: Man, I could really flash somebody in this thing. (He goes to put his hands in his pockets.)","Rachel: (stopping him) Oh no-no, no-no, they don't want you to put your hands in the pockets until you are out of the store.","Joshua: Why not?!","Rachel: Well, that's because of a lot of...(She imitates someone picking their nose and placing the treasure found in the pockets.)","Joshua: Y'know, they ruin it for everybody.","Rachel: I know!","Joshua: Y'know, I wore that cashmere sweater on a date last night.","Rachel: Oh?","Joshua: Yeah, it was my first date since the uh, since the divorce.","Rachel: Well, congratulations, so do you love her?","Joshua: No, no, no, she's nice but, y'know, it just it made me realize that I'm just not, I'm just not ready to be dating, y'know?","Rachel: Huh. Well, uh, that's uh, that's interesting. (She goes over and retrieves her note.)","Joshua: (noticing her) Hey-whoa-hey-hey, what was that?","Rachel: Oh, it's just an anti-theft device.","Joshua: Then uh, what's-what's this? (Shows her the real anti-theft device.)","Rachel: You need that, you need that too 'cause obviously, a thief could just tear this up. (Rips up the note.)","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle as Rachel enters.]","Rachel: Oops, sorry. Listen, we-we have to have a party tonight! Actually, we have to have one in five minutes, so everybody cancel your plans.","Chandler: What are you talking about?","Joey: Yeah, what' going on?","Rachel: We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But it's actually for Joshua. (Starts handing out party hats.) Look, he said he's not ready to date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I have the perfect opportunity to seduce him! (Hands Ross a party hat.)","Ross: Well, as much as I'd like to meet Josh and warn him, Emily and I aren't going to be here. All right? I mean, she's going to come by first to say good-bye, and then I've got a whole special evening planned. So I'm sorry, no party.","Joey: Awwww!","Emily: (entering) Hello?","Rachel: Surprise!!!","Chandler and Joey: Surprise!!","Emily: No one's ever thrown me a surprise party before!","Rachel: Well, it was all Ross's idea.","Emily: You're so sweet! And I'm so surprised!","Ross: You really didn't know?","[Cut to later, the party is in full swing. Rachel is in the kitchen and Chandler goes over to talk to her.]","Chandler: Why are you in here if Joshua is all the way over there? (Points to the living room.)","Rachel: Uhh, because I'm trying to play hard to get. Oh, quick he's looking over here, say something funny.","Chandler: Like what?","(Rachel laughs hysterically.)","Joey: What-what-what is so funny?","Chandler: I said, \"Like what?\"","Joey: Now that's a thinker.","Rachel: Okay, y'know what, y'know what? This playing hard to get thing is not working. Umm, hand-hand me those cherries. (Chandler does so.) Okay. Okay. (She does a little sexy walk over to where Joshua is standing.) Hi!","Joshua: Hi!","Rachel: Care for a cherry?","Joshua: Oh, no thanks.","Rachel: No? Y'know, I can tie one of these into a knot using just my tongue.","(She tries to demonstrate this unique ability, but only succeeds in choking on it.)","Joshua: You okay? (Rachel swallowed it whole and is not hacking like a heavy smoker in the morning.) You all right? (Rachel walks away, coughing.)","Ross: (interrupting Monica and Emily) So we should probably get going soon.","Emily: Oh, but the party's only just getting started!","Ross: Yeah, but we-we have to be at the Four Seasons for drinks in 15 minutes and then y'know, then The Plaza for dinner.","Emily: So why did you plan a party at the same time?","Ross: No-no-no, no, umm, actually American surprise parties are-are-are very short. It's usually, \"Surprise!\" And then, \"Oh my God, I'm so surprised-good-bye!\"","Emily: But Ross, I'm such having a great time! Your sister has just been telling me that you used to dress up like little, old ladies and hold make-believe tea parties.","Ross: Monica said that did she? (He squeezes Monica's knee really hardly and Monica winces in pain.)","[Cut to Joey and Phoebe in the kitchen. Phoebe is watching Joey make a sandwich.]","Phoebe: Ooh, yeah. Then what are you going to put on top of that?","Joey: A little salami.","Phoebe: Ooh yeah! Then umm, what goes on top of the salami?","Joey: Pastrami.","Phoebe: Oooh, yeah. You're a genius.","(Rachel enters, she has changed clothes.)","Rachel: Oh, could somebody give me a hand with this zipper?","Joey: Yeah. (He goes over to her.)","Rachel: Up!","Monica: You changed?","Rachel: Yeah, I did. I needed my lucky dress.","Monica: And lucky means, more cleavage?","Chandler: Does for me.","(Joey starts wiping lint off of her back, but goes at little too far and Rachel just glares at him. He stops, gives her the 'okay' symbol and walks away.)","Rachel: Ohh, God! Look at him, he's so cute. I wanna go over there, grab him, and kiss him! How can I kiss him and not letting him know that I like him?","Joey: Oh! I know how you can get him, take off your bra.","Rachel: What?","Joey: There was a seen in Footloose...","Chandler: Flashdance.","Joey: Yeah-yeah, yeah, with that-that uh, plumber girl...","Chandler: She was a welder.","Joey: What? Were you like in the movie, or... Anyway, she takes off her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy, and classy.","Monica: Or if you want to kiss him, umm, you could use mistletoe.","Rachel: It's not Christmas!","Monica: Or Spin the Bottle?","Rachel: He's not 11!","Emily: (with her coat on, she's leaving with Ross) Thank you so much for this. It was really so thoughtful of you.","Rachel: What? You're leaving?!","Ross: Yes, we have something we have to get to.","Joshua: Uhh, yeah, I think I'm going to take-off too.","Rachel: No! You guys can't leave yet! You have to stay, we-we got the whole big thing planned!","Ross: What big thing?","[Cut to later, the whole group is seated on the floor and Rachel is explaining the rules of Spin the Bottle.]","Rachel: (spinning the bottle) So, Spin the Bottle works like this: I spin the bottle, it lands on Gunther, so I would have to kiss Gunther. (She crawls over to where Gunther is sitting and sees the look of anticipation on Gunther's face and decides not to kiss him.) All right. Who wants to go first?","Emily: I'll go.","All: Yay!","(Emily spins the bottle and it lands on Joey.)","Joey: Welcome to America. (They both kiss.)","(Joey spins the bottle and it lands on Emily.)","Monica: Two in a row! You've got to use your tongues now! (They kiss again.)","Rachel: Yay! Emily!","(Emily spins the bottle and once again, it lands on Joey.)","Chandler: What are the odds? What are the odds?","(They both move to kiss again.)","Ross: (stopping them) Okay, that-that's enough! Y'know, let's, let's let someone else play.","Joey: If you didn't want to play, why did you come to the party?","Rachel: Okay, my turn!!","(Rachel spins the bottle and it lands on....wait for it....Joshua. (You thought I was going to say Ross, didn't you?) Rachel squeals in delight and starts a slow sexy crawl over to Joshua, making sure he and everyone else watching gets a good look at her cleavage.)","Phoebe: Oh my God!! The baby just kicked!","All: Ohh!","Rachel: It's okay! It's okay! It kicked once, it'll kick again!","All: Oh my God!","(They all stand up and go over to Phoebe to feel the baby, preventing Rachel from kissing Joshua.)","Rachel: All right, well, everybody just remember where they were sitting.","(She crawls over to Joshua and kisses the back of his knee. He feels it and looks down, Rachel pretends she's knocking a bug off his leg.)","Rachel: Just a bug.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, it is later in the party. The Spin the Bottle game is over and Chandler is making a sandwich as Phoebe watches.]","Phoebe: Y'know it doesn't matter how much I'm craving it. Y'know why I'm never gonna eat meat? Because it's murder, cold blooded murder.","Chandler: Okay.","(He takes a bite out of the sandwich and as he does so, Phoebe attacks the other end and starts devouring the sandwich.)","Chandler: There's a Phoebe on my sandwich! (He walks away, giving the sandwich to Phoebe.)","Joey: Phoebe, what-what are you doing?!","Phoebe: I can't help it. I need the meat. The baby needs the meat.","Joey: All right look, y'know how-y'know how when you're dating someone and you don't want to cheat on them, unless it's with someone really hot?","Phoebe: Yeah, totally!","Joey: All right. Okay. Well this is the same kind of deal. If you're going to do something wrong, (He grabs two steaks from the freezer) do it right!","[Cut to later, Phoebe is finishing off her steak.]","Joey: Feel better now?","Phoebe: Yeah, but at what cost? Six more months, three meals a day, I'm gonna eat like, y'know millions of cows.","Joey: Hey, what if I said, I could even things out for ya, meatwise.","Phoebe: What?","Joey: Well, I eat a lot of meat right?","Phoebe: Yeah.","Joey: Well, suppose until the baby's born I laid off it. No extra animals would die, you-you'd just be eating my animals.","Phoebe: Joey, I can't believe you would do that for me.","Joey: Absolutely! I could be a vegetarian. There's no meat in beer, right?","[Cut to Ross and Emily standing by the foosball table.]","Ross: Okay, we could still make dinner if we skipped the appetisers and asked for our check right away.","(Rachel enters, she has changed once again. This time into her high school cheerleading uniform.)","Emily: But, we can't go now. It looks like Rachel's gonna put on a skit.","Monica: Oh my God! Have you lost your mind?","Rachel: No-n-n-n-no! I am finally thinking clearly. My lucky dress wasn't working out to well for me, but for four years, this baby never missed.","Monica: Rachel-Rachel-Rachel I-I cannot, I can't let-(pause), actually I kinda want to see what happens.","Joshua: Hey!","Rachel: Hi!","Joshua: Nice uh, costume.","Rachel: Ohh, yeah, well I wanted to give Emily a big American good-bye cheer. So okay! (Runs into the living room) Ready! Okay! Gimme an 'E!'","All: E!","Rachel: Gimme an 'M!'","All: M!","Rachel: Gimme an 'I!'","All: I!","Rachel: Gimme an 'L!'","All: L!","Rachel: Gimme a 'Y!'","All: Y!","Rachel: What do you get? (She throws her pom-poms to Joey and Phoebe and performs a cartwheel.) Emily!! (Tries to do another one.) Emil-Whoa!! (She falls in Chandler's room.) Okay! So that's me as a cheerleader! Ta-dum! (Gunther's the only one that claps.)","(Joey and Monica rush over to her.)","Joey and Monica: Are you all right?","Rachel: I'm fine! I'm fine! I'm just losing a tooth, it's no big deal. I have a dentist! Y'know. I'm gonna go put some ice on it. Excuse me. (She goes over to the ice and Joey and Monica follow her.) What do I do now? What do I do now?","Monica: I think you're done.","Joey: Okay, time to take off the bra. (She glares at him.)","Joshua: Umm, that was really great, but I-I gotta take-off actually.","Joey: (trying not to be obvious) Take the bra off.","Rachel: All right, come on, let's go get your coat.","Joshua: Okay.","(They both go to Chandler's bedroom to get his coat.)","[Cut to Gunther and Emily.]","Gunther: Rachel is my girlfriend.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Cut to Chandler's bedroom.]","Joshua: So, this was uh, really fun.","Rachel: Oh, yeah! Real fun. (She makes a decision.) Y'know, this bra... Really, bothers me. (She starts taking off her bra.) Y'know, this used to be my bedroom. Yeah. A lot of memories in here, a lot of memories. If these walls could talk, y'know what they'd say? Wanna hear some memories? (She is now violently pulling on her bra in order to remove it, but it isn't co-operating.)","Joshua: Need uh, need a little hand there.","Rachel: Oh no-no-no! No, I got this all under control.","Joshua: You really don't seem like you do. That's...","(She is still yanking on the bra, but it is stuck in her sleeve. Finally, she gives up.)","Rachel: Ughhhh!! Forget it! (Sits down heavily on the bed.) This is, this is not how this is supposed to happen.","Joshua: Well, what was supposed to happen?","Rachel: Can you not look at me when I say this? (He turns around) I thought that if I could get you here, I could seduce you.","Joshua: Huh. Oh, boy! (Sits down next to her.) Uhh, I-I don't wear suits to work, and I bought six of them from you.","Rachel: Well, I'm sorry, I thought you needed them!","Joshua: No, no-no, no-no, my point is that I kept coming back because, I wanted to see you.","Rachel: Why?!","Joshua: Because I-I like you.","Rachel: You like me?","Joshua: Yeah! I mean you're-you're beautiful and smart and sophisticated-a lot of this isn't based on tonight.","Rachel: Yeah but-but-but you liked me! Oh my God, I can't believe this, all this time, I liked you and you liked me!","Joshua: But...","Rachel: Oh no-no-no don't say but! No-no, but's never good! Let's just leave it at, you like me and I like you.","Joshua: Okay uh, however...","Rachel: Oh, now see that's a fancy but.","Joshua: My marriage like just ended, and I'm really not ready to get into anything yet.","Rachel: But....","Joshua: I'm sorry, I, I just need a little time.","Rachel: Okay.","[Scene: The hallway, Ross is sitting on the step drinking a beer as Rachel comes out of the guys apartment.]","Rachel: Ohh, here you are. I was looking for you before. Joshua's gone so you and Emily are free to go.","Ross: That's okay. She's still in there enjoying her fake party and uh, it's too late to do any of the things I had planned, so...","Rachel: Oh, Ross, I'm sorry. I completely ruined your evening.","Ross: Yeah.","Rachel: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I made a fool out of myself.","Ross: Helps a little.","Rachel: Is there room on that step for a pathetic loser?","Ross: Yeah, have a seat.","Rachel: I'm so sorry.","Ross: That's okay, I mean it was just two-week thing anyway, I just didn't want it to end this way, y'know?","Rachel: Well, maybe you didn't want it to end?","Ross: What do you mean?","Rachel: You seem to really like her.","Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, y'know no commitment.","Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monica's photo albums, I mean you don't do that if you're just in it for two weeks.","Ross: You think?","Rachel: Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and you're sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.","Ross: Hey, you're right.","Rachel: Yeah.","Ross: Thanks. (He starts to go inside and stops.) What photo album was it?","Rachel: I don't know, it was you and a bunch of albino kids.","Ross: Oh my God! Those weren't albino kids, that was computer camp! Rach! (He hurries inside and Chandler is taking out the garbage.)","Rachel: Hey.","Chandler: Hey.","Rachel: You're a pathetic loser, right?","Chandler: Oh-ho, yeah!","Rachel: Sit!","(He does so, and immediately starts looking pathetic.)","Joshua: Hi. (He has just returned.)","Rachel: Oh my gosh, Joshua!","Joshua: All those things I said about not being ready...","Rachel: They're not true?","Joshua: No, they're-they're all true.","Rachel: Oh.","Joshua: But...","Rachel: Oh! Oh, I love that but.","(They move to kiss, but realise that Chandler is staring at them. Chandler urges them on.)","Rachel: You wanna go inside and have some coffee?","Joshua: Yeah.","Rachel: Okay. (Joshua goes inside and to Chandler.) Every time.","CLOSING CREDITS","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, the next day. Phoebe is busy making a sandwich.]","Joey: Oooh, what you got there?","Phoebe: Pastrami.","Joey: Oh-ho-ho, yeah! Hey! Y'know what goes good with that?","Joey: Hm-mm, corn beef.","Joey: Ooh, I was gonna say bologna, but that's much better. How about a little of that smoked turkey?","Phoebe: Okay.","Joey: (He starts looking longingly at the sandwich.) Oh mama! Uh when-when is the baby due?","Phoebe: Six months.","Joey: Ugh. Now if a cow should die of natural causes, I can have one of those right?","Phoebe: Not if I get there first."],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"04x16","Episode Title":"The One With The Fake Party","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_05x08.json","Recap":["Monica cooks Thanksgiving dinner. After, everyone share stories of their worst-ever Thanksgivings: Chandler learned of his parents' divorce; Joey got a raw turkey stuck on his head; newly-thin, teen-aged Monica accidentally cut off the tip of Chandler's toe with a sharp knife."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone has just finished Thanksgiving dinner and are groaning over their fullness.]","Rachel: Oh Monica that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever! I think you killed us.","Ross: I couldn't possibly eat another bite.","Joey: I need something sweet.","Phoebe: Does anyone wanna watch TV?","All: Yeah, sure.","(She starts pushing the power button on the remote, but it's not facing the TV so it doesn't work.)","Phoebe: Monica your remote doesn't work.","Monica: Phoebe, you have to lift it and point.","Phoebe: Oh. Aw, forget it.","Rachel: Yeah, you know what we should all do? We should play that game where everyone says one thing that they're thankful for.","Joey: Ooh-ooh, I! I am thankful for this beautiful fall we've been having.","Monica: That's very nice.","Chandler: That's sweet, Joey.","Joey: Yeah, the other day I was at the bus-stop and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up. Oh! Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs. (Note: Actually, I think every guy is thankful for thongs. That and spandex. J )","Opening Credits","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Joey is talking about the wonder that is the thong.]","Joey: I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering. I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material! And the way they play with your mind! Is it there? Is it not there?","Chandler: Are you aware that you're still talking?","Monica: Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?","Ross: Huh, I don't know what to pick. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction? Hmm.","Phoebe: Wow! See, and I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything.","Ross: I'm sorry. It's just that this is the worse Thanksgiving ever.","Chandler: No-no-no! I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me.","Rachel: Oh, you're not gonna tell the whole story about how your parents got divorced again are you?","Ross: Oh God, no.","Joey: Oh, come on! I wanna hear it! It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out!","Chandler: It's a tradition, like the parade. If the parade decided it was gay, moved out, and abandoned its entire family.","(And with that, we start a series of flashbacks to Thanksgiving's of years gone by.)","Thanksgiving 1978","[Scene: The Bing household, Mr. and Mrs. Bing and Young Chandler are eating Thanksgiving dinner as a housekeeper serves them.]","Mrs. Bing: Now Chandler dear, just because your father and I are getting a divorce it doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he would rather sleep with the house-boy than me.","The Housekeeper: More turkey Mr. Chandler? (And he makes eyes at him.)","Present Day","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]","Ross: You're right. Yours is worse. You are the king of bad Thanksgivings.","Phoebe: I don't know about that. I've got one that's worse.","Chandler: Really? Worse than, \"More turkey Mr. Chandler?\"","Phoebe: Oh, did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse!","Thanksgiving 1862","[Scene: A Union battlefield hospital, Phoebe, in a past life, is tending to a wounded Union soldier. (By the way, for historical perspective, 1862 was the second year of the American Civil War.)]","Past Life Phoebe: More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here! This man is dying-(She is cut off by an exploding shell just outside the tent. When the smoke clears, she's missing an arm and the blood is pumping out like you'd see in a horror movie. And upon seeing her condition, she says...) Oh no.","Present Day","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]","Ross: In this life, Phoebe.","Phoebe: Oh, this life! Oh okay no, Chandler's is worse.","Joey: Man, it must be so cool remembering stuff like that! I don't have any past life memories.","Phoebe: Of course you don't sweetie. You're brand new.","Rachel: I know Monica's worst Thanksgiving.","Monica: Oh, let's not tell this story.","All: Oh, come on!","Phoebe: Oh no, I know! I know! It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head!","Rachel: What?! Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?!","Joey: Hey, it's not like it sounds.","Chandler: It's exactly like it sounds.","Thanksgiving 1992","[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Phoebe is entering.]","Joey: (muffled) Hello?","Phoebe: (surprised) Hello?","Joey: Phoebe?","Phoebe: Joey? What's going on?","Joey: Look. (He walks out of the bathroom with his head stuck in a huge turkey.)","Phoebe: Oh my God!","Joey: I know! It's stuck!!!","Phoebe: (walks him to the kitchen) Easy. Step. How did it get on?","Joey: I put it on to scare Chandler!","Phoebe: Oh my God! Monica's gonna totally freak out!","Joey: Well then help me get it off! Plus, it smells really bad in here.","Phoebe: Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head up a dead animal.","(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)","Monica: (entering) Hey!","Phoebe: Hey!","Monica: Hey, did you get the turkey basted-Oh my God! Oh my God! (She sees someone is stuck in the turkey.) Who is that?","Joey: It's Joey.","Monica: What-what are you doing? Is this supposed to be funny?","Phoebe: No, it's not supposed to be funny, it's supposed to be scary.","Monica: Well, get it off now!","Joey: I can't! It-it's stuck!","Monica: Well, I don't care! That-that turkey has to feed 20 people at my parent's house and they're not gonna eat it off your head!","Phoebe: All right, hold on! Okay, let's just all think.","(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)","Monica: Okay, I got it. Phoebe? All right, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can. (Joey starts giggling.) Joey? Now is not the time!","Joey: Sorry! Sorry.","(They get into position to pull the turkey off.)","Monica: Okay, count to three. 1. 2. 3!","(They both pull but Joey slips out and starts to fall backwards just as Chandler enters, scaring him.)","Chandler: Arghhhhhh!! (Joey turns around to taunt him, but Chandler is in the doorway and Joey is facing the kitchen.)","Joey: (pointing) It worked! I scared ya, I knew it! Ha-ha!","Chandler: I'm over here big guy.","Joey: (turning all the way around, and still not facing Chandler) Yeah, you are! (Starts dancing.) I scared you!","Present Day","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]","Chandler: (laughing) You did look like an idiot.","Joey: Hey, I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot. All right? Remember when Ross tried to say, \"Butternut squash?\" And it came out, \"Squatternut buash?\"","Ross: Yeah that's the same.","Monica: That's it. That's my worse Thanksgiving.","Phoebe: Oh wait! That can't be the one Rachel's talking about. She didn't even know that happened. So which one was it?","All: Which one?","Monica: Umm, I-I really don't want to tell this story.","Chandler: Oh, come on Monica, reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know, for me anyway. And of course, the Indians.","Monica: Look umm, of all people, you do not want me to tell this story!","Thanksgiving 1987","[Scene: The Geller household, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner. The doorbell rings.]","Mrs. Geller: Monica! I think Rachel's here!","Monica: I'll get it! (She runs in, and she's her old fat self like The One With The Prom Video. Not only that, she's out of breath after running a short distance. She goes over and opens the door to reveal Rachel with her old nose.) Happy Thanksgiving!","Big Nosed Rachel: Not for me. Chip and I broke up!","Fat Monica: Oh, why? Why? What happened?","Big Nosed Rachel: Well, you know that my parents are out of town and Chip was going to come over...","Fat Monica: Yeah, yeah, and you were going him y'know, your flower.","Big Nosed Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it s*x?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! (Walks into the living room and greets Monica's parents.) Hi!","Mr. Geller: Hi Rachel!","Big Nosed Rachel: Happy Thanksgiving!","Mrs. Geller: You too sweethart!","Ross: (entering) Hey!","(He brought home Chandler for Thanksgiving. Chandler is sporting the very popular Flock of Seagulls haircut. Yeah, it's another you have to see it to believe it kinda thing.)","Mr. Geller: Oh my!","Ross: Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band!","Fat Monica: Ross! (Wanting to be introduced.)","Ross: Oh, this is Monica.","Fat Monica: Hi, I'm Ross's little sister.","Chandler: (seeing her) Okay.","Mrs. Geller: I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry.","Ross: Oh, mom. Mom. Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food.","Mrs. Geller: Oh, well, I'm so glad you brought him here then.","Fat Monica: Umm, Chandler, if you want I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner.","Chandler: Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in.","(As she is drinking, Monica laughs and Chandler's joke and Diet Coke comes out of her nose.)","Fat Monica: dammit! (Runs off.)","(Ross points out Rachel to Chandler and goes over to talk to her. Rachel is checking out her nose in her compact mirror.)","Ross: So uh, Rach? Does it, does it feel weird around here now? Y'know since I've been away at college.","Big Nosed Rachel: Oh! No, not really.","Ross: Well, that's cool. So did... (She walks away from him and he shuts up.)","(Rachel wanders into the kitchen where Monica is making Chandler's dinner.)","Big Nosed Rachel: Ugh! I cannot believe Chip dumped me for that slut Nancy Branson. I am never going out with him again. I don't care how much he begs!","Fat Monica: I think his begging days are over now that he's going out with Nancy Branson.","Big Nosed Rachel: Y'know what? I've just had it with high school boys! They are just silly. (Ross is overhearing this.) Silly, stupid boys! I'm going to start dating men!","Ross: Umm, I'm sorry Judy, I couldn't find that bowl that you and Jack were looking for.","Fat Monica: Call them mom and dad you loser!","Ross: (in a high pitched voice) Monica!","[Time lapse, dinner has finished and Chandler is sitting on the couch eating some pie. Monica sits down beside him, and he gets pushed up a little by the wave she makes in the couch.]","Fat Monica: Hey Chandler! Did you like the macaroni and cheese?","Chandler: Oh yeah, it was great. You should be a chef.","Fat Monica: Okay!","(He gets up and walks away as Rachel come running over all excited.)","Big Nosed Rachel: Guess what?! All that stuff about Nancy Branson being a slut was all a rumor so Chip dumped her and he wants to come over to my house tonight!","Fat Monica: Oh that's so great!","Big Nosed Rachel: I know!","Fat Monica: Oh gosh, listen if you and Chip do it tonight, promise me you'll tell me everything.","Big Nosed Rachel: Oh totally, totally. Y'know it's not that big of deal, we already kinda did it once y'know.","Fat Monica: I know, but y'know, this time you're gonna definitely know whether or not you did it!","Big Nosed Rachel: I know, I know. And oh, and this time Chip promised that-that this time it will last at least for an entire song!","[Cut to the kitchen, Ross and Chandler are doing the dishes.]","Ross: So I'm thinking about asking Rachel out tonight. Y'know maybe play her that song we wrote last week.","Chandler: Emotional Knapsack?","Ross: Yeah.","Chandler: Right on! Oh! Uh, but, don't take to long okay? 'Cause uh, we're gonna test out our fake ID's tonight, right Clifford Alverez.","Ross: Listen, Roland Chang, if things go well, I'm gonna be out with her all night.","Chandler: Dude, don't do that too me!","(Monica enters behind them.)","Ross: All right, it's cool you can stay here. My parents won't mind.","(Monica suddenly gets very happy.)","Chandler: No, it's not that, I just don't want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister.","Ross: Hey!","(Upon hearing this, Monica starts to break down and storms out. Only to be stopped by her parents.)","Mrs. Geller: (holding two pies) Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room left in the fridge.","Fat Monica: No. No, thank you!","Mr. Geller: Well Judy, you did it! She's finally full!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, back to the present day.]","Chandler: I called you fat?! I don't even remember that!","Monica: Well, I do.","Chandler: I am so sorry. I really am. I was an idiot back then. I rushed the stage at a Wham concert for crying out loud!","Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you called her fat.","Ross: I can't believe you let George Michael slap you.","Chandler: I am really sorry. That is so terrible. I am so, so sorry.","Rachel: Actually, y'know that's not the Thanksgiving I was talking about.","Monica: Yes, it was!","Rachel: No, it wasn't. It was actually the...","Monica: (interrupting her) Okay, now Thanksgiving's over, let's get ready for Christmas. Who wants to go get a Christmas tree?!","Phoebe: Oh, no, I have the cutest Christmas story!","Chandler: We wanna hear Monica's Thanksgiving story!","Phoebe: Fine, all right, mine had a dwarf that got broke in half, but y'know whatever.","Thanksgiving 1988","[Scene: The Geller household kitchen, Mrs. Geller is cooking and Rachel, post nose job, is helping her.]","Mrs. Geller: So Rachel, your mom tells me you changed your major again.","Rachel: Oh, yeah, I had too. There was never any parking by the Psychology building.","Mr. Geller: (entering) Hi Rachel.","Rachel: Oh hi!","Mr. Geller: Wow, love your new nose!","Mrs. Geller: Jack.","Mr. Geller: What? Dr. Wilson's an artist! He removed my mole cluster. Wanna see? (He starts to show her as the doorbell rings.)","Mrs. Geller: I'll get it.","Rachel: No, God! Please, let me! (Runs out.)","(She opens the door to reveal Chandler and Ross. Unfortunately, they seem to have their holidays mixed up. They think it's Halloween and they're going as Crockett and Tubbs from that legendary TV show of the late 80's, Miami Vice. God, we looked silly back then!)","Rachel: Hey!","Ross: Hey. (To his parents) Happy Thanksgiving!","Mr. Geller: (To Chandler) God, your hair sure is different!","Chandler: Yeah, we were just talking about that. I can't believe how stupid we used to look. (They both quickly push their sleeves over their elbows.)","Ross: So uh, where's Monica?","Mrs. Geller: She's upstairs. Monica! Come down! Everyone's here! Ross, Rachel, and the boy who hates Thanksgiving.","(Monica enters, but she forgot something. Oh, about 150 pounds. In other words, she lost weight, big time!)","Monica: Hi, Chandler.","Chandler: Oh my God!","Monica: What-what's the matter? Is there, is there something on my dress? (She turns around making sure he gets a good look.)","Chandler: You just, you look so different! Terrific! That dress! That body!","Ross: Dude!","Chandler: Sorry!","Mrs. Geller: Yes, yes Monica is thin. It's wonderful. But what we really want to hear about is Ross's new girlfriend.","Ross: Oh mom! Okay, umm, her name is Carol. And she's really pretty. And smart. And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams!","Monica: So Chandler, I guess I'll see you at dinner.","(She heads for the kitchen and Chandler watches her leave and admires the view.)","Mr. Geller: Dude!","Chandler: Sorry.","(In the kitchen.)","Rachel: (entering) Oh-ho, my God! That was so awesome! You totally got him back for calling you fat! He was just drooling all over you. That must've felt so great!","Monica: Well it didn't!","Rachel: What?!","Monica: Yeah, I mean yeah, I look great. Yeah, I feel great and yeah, my heart is not in trouble anymore! Blah, blah, blah! Y'know I still don't feel like I got him back, y'know? I just want to humiliate him. I wanna, I want him to be like naked and then I'm going to point at him and laugh!","Rachel: Okay, that we may be able to do.","Monica: How?","Rachel: Well guys tend to get naked before they're gonna have s*x.","Monica: What?! I mean, I didn't work this hard and-and-and lose all this weight so that I can give my flower to someone like him!","Rachel: Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it. Then, second of all you're not actually gonna have s*x with him! You're just gonna make him think that you are.","Monica: Yeah.","Rachel: Yeah.","Monica: And when he's naked I can throw him out in the front yard and lock the door and all the neighbors will just humiliate him!","Rachel: Then, you will definitely get him back!","Monica: Okay, so how do I make him think I wanna have s*x with him?","Rachel: Okay, oh, here's what you do. Just act like everything around you turns you on.","Monica: What do you mean?","Rachel: Well, like anything can be sexy. Like umm, oh-oh, like this dishtowel! (She grabs it and starts rubbing it on her cheek.) Ooh, ooh, this feels sooo good against my cheek! And-and if I feel a little hot, I can just dab myself with it. Or I can bring it down to my side and bring it through my fingers while I talk to him.","Monica: (excited) I can do that!","Rachel: Yeah? Okay! Good, good, because he's coming. He's coming. (To Chandler) Hey, what's up? (She leaves and closes the door behind her.)","Chandler: Monica, I was wondering if you can make me some of that righteous mac and cheese like last year.","Monica: Umm, I'd love too! (She goes over and picks up the box and decides to follow Rachel's advice and holds the box up to her cheek.) Ooh, I love macaroni and cheese. I love-I love the way this box feels against my cheek.","Chandler: Okay.","Monica: Boy, I love carrots! Oh! (She picks up a bunch of them and holds them between her fingers.) Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. (She is rubbing her hip with the carrots.) Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife (She picks up a knife without putting the box down. She's holding the box between her cheek and shoulder) and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, (Pause) my body. (She doesn't have any exposed skin within reach of the knife, so while holding the carrots in one hand and the box between her face and shoulder, she rubs the knife on her stomach.)","Chandler: Are you all right?","Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that-(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The hospital, Chandler has been rushed to the emergency room.]","The Doctor: What do we got here?","The Paramedic: Twenty year old has got a severed toe on his right foot.","(They go through the doors into the trauma room, opening them by ramming the gurney through them, only Chandler's foot is hanging off the end and he screams in pain.)","Ross: Can you please not do that feet first? You know where his injury is! Severed toe, you just said it!","The Doctor: It says here that the knife went right through your shoe.","Mr. Geller: Of course it did. They're made of wicker.","The Doctor: Did you bring the toe?","Monica: Oh yes! I have it right here, on ice! (She takes a bag of ice out of her purse and hands it to the doctor.)","The Doctor: (opening it) Don't worry son, we'll just attach it and-(Stops suddenly.)","Monica: What?! What is it?","The Doctor: You brought a carrot.","Chandler: What?","The Doctor: This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot.","Rachel: You brought a carrot?!","Mrs. Geller: Oh my God! There's a toe in my kitchen.","Monica: God, I'm sorry! I'll go back and get it!","The Doctor: It's too late, all we can do now is sow up the wound.","Chandler: Without my toe?! I need my toe!","Monica: Wait, no-no-no, I can go really fast! Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche!","Mr. Geller: Oh, I'm not falling for that one!","Present Day","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is reacting to the story.]","Chandler: That's why I lost my toe?! Because I called you fat?!","Monica: I didn't mean to cut it off. It was an accident.","Chandler: That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps-A-Lot?!","Monica: I'm sorry! It wasn't your whole toe!","Chandler: Yeah, well, I miss the tip! It's the best part. It has the nail. (He storms out.)","Monica: Chandler! (Follows him out.)","Ross: (To Joey) Sir Limps-A-Lot, I came up with that.","Joey: You're a dork.","[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is standing in front of his door.]","Chandler: I can't believe this.","Monica: Chandler, I said I was sorry.","Chandler: Yeah, well, sorry doesn't bring back the little piggy that cried all the way home! I hate this stupid day! And everything about it! I'll see you later.","Monica: Oh wait, Chandler, come here is there anything I can do? Anything?","Chandler: Yeah, just leave me alone for a while. (He goes into his apartment.)","[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is sitting on one of the chairs and the duck is running around him and quacking.]","Chandler: Oh-oh, I'm a duck! I go, \"Quack, quack!\" I'm happy all the time!","(There's a knock on the door and Chandler gets up to answer it. He opens the door to reveal Monica with a turkey over her head.)","Chandler: Nice try.","Monica: Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.)","Chandler: Look, Monica...","Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)","Chandler: This is not going to work.","Monica: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)","Chandler: You are so great! I love you!","(Monica stops suddenly and turns around slowly.)","Monica: What?","Chandler: Nothing! I said, I said \"You're so great\" and then I just, I just stopped talking!","Monica: You said you loved me! I can't believe this!","Chandler: No I didn't!","Monica: Yes, you did!","Chandler: No I didn't!","Monica: You love me!","Chandler: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!","(Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway, screaming.)","Ending Credits Thanksgiving 1915","[Scene: The Western front during World War I, Phoebe, in yet another past life, is once again a nurse tending to yet another dying soldier. But this time she's doing it with a French accent.]","French Phoebe: Gauze! Gauze! I need to get some gauze in here! Can I please get some gauze in here! (A shell explodes outside next to the tent and when the smoke clears, Phoebe still has her arm.) Whew! (Her arm falls off and starts pumping out blood.) This is getting ridiculous uh!"],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"05x08","Episode Title":"The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_05x16.json","Recap":["Phoebe finds a police badge at the coffeehouse and has fun pretending to be a cop - until she pulls it on the owner, a cop named Gary. He later asks her out for dinner. Ross buys a new couch, but refuses to pay the huge delivery charge. Ross soon wishes he had paid the fee as he and Rachel struggle to get the couch up to his apartment. Joey is upset after having a romantic dream about Monica. However, Monica assures him it is only because he wants a serious relationship similar to Monica and Chandler's."],"Transcript":["Story by: Alicia Sky Varinaitis","Teleplay by: Gigi McCreery & Perry Rein","[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica and Chandler are sitting on one of the chairs doing a crossword puzzle.]","Joey: Hey!","Chandler: Hey!","Monica: Hey!","Joey: What are you guys doing up?","Chandler: Oh, we wanted to finish the crossword before we went to bed. Hey, do you know a six-letter word for red?","Joey: (thinks) Dark red.","Chandler: Yeah, I think that's wrong, but there's a Connect the Dots in here for you later. (To Monica) Hey, how about maroon?","Monica: (checks to see if it works) Yes, you are so smart! (Kisses him.)","Joey: Aww, you guys are so cute!","Monica: I know.","Joey: All right, I'll see you in the morning.","Chandler and Monica: Okay.","[Scene: Joey's bedroom, time lapse. He's asleep and dreaming. In his dream he's doing the crossword puzzle with...wait for it...Monica!]","Dream Monica: Y'know, I love doing crossword puzzles with you honey!","Dream Joey: Aww, me too. Now let's finish this and go to bed.","Dream Monica: Okay! There's only one left, three letter word, not dog but...","Dream Joey: Cat.","Dream Monica: Yes! You are so smart! (Kisses him.) I love you.","Dream Joey: I love you too.","(They hug.)","[Cut back to Joey in bed, he's smiling, enjoying the dream as he wakes up. Suddenly, he realized what he was dreaming about and bolts upright in bed.]","Opening Credits","[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but Ross and Joey. Gunther hands them the bill, and Chandler gives some money to pay it.]","Rachel: (looking at the bill) Uhh, we still need a tip.","Phoebe: All right. Hold on. (She starts digging in the chair.) I got it. Nickel! (Donates it.) How much more do we need?","Rachel: A couple of bucks.","Phoebe: Okay, dime! (Donates that.) You guys should probably keep talking; this could take a while. (Finds something else.) Oh no, wait! Look it! Whoa! (Looks at it.) Oh my God, this is a police badge!","Monica: Wow!","Chandler: Oh that's so cool! Why would a cop come in here though? They don't serve donuts. (No one laughs.) Y'know what actually, could you discover the badge again? I think I can come up with something better than that.","Rachel: Phoebe, I bet somebody's missing that badge.","Phoebe: Yeah, I should probably take it back. Ooh, but you know what? While I'm at the police station, I could check their Ten Most Wanted lists because my friend Fritzy has been like number 11 forever, so this could be her year! (She crosses her fingers in hope.)","Joey: (entering) Hey, you guys!","Chandler: Hey!","Rachel: Hey Joey!","Monica: Hey.","Joey: (To Monica) Hey. That uh, that my sweatshirt?","Monica: Oh yes, it is. I'm sorry I borrowed it, I was cold. I hope its okay?","Joey: Well uh, it's just that uh, y'know if-if you're gonna be wearing someone's sweatshirt shouldn't it be your boyfriends--and I'm not him.","Monica: I'm sorry, I'll give it back to you.","Joey: No-no! No! I mean it's gonna be all smelling like Monica!","Monica: Are you saying I smell bad?","Joey: No! No, you smell like a meadow. (Pause.) I'm sorry. (Runs to the bathroom.)","Monica: What's with him?","Chandler: Oh, y'know what? The last time Joey went to a meadow, his mother was shot by a hunter.","[Scene: A couch store, Ross is trying to decide on a new couch for his place. He has dragged Rachel along for the trip, and she's not too happy about it. Ross is sitting on it in different ways to see how it feels. He tries to just sit on it normally, and then he tries flopping on it. One thing about this couch, it's huge. It's like twice the size of a normal full size couch. Whoever designed this thing, needs help and fast.]","Rachel: (disgusted at Ross's antics) Ugh!","Ross: (To Rachel) Yeah, I still don't know. (To the salesman who is hovering nearby) I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, \"Kids welcome here.\" But that also says, (In a sexy voice) \"Come here to me!\"","Rachel: What?! You say that to kids?!!","Ross: No! No! No! The \"Come here to me\" is y'know for the ladies.","Rachel: Ross, honey, it's a nice couch. It's not a magic couch.","The Salesman: You picked a great couch.","Ross: Yeah?","The Salesman: Yeah. Could you just sign right here please? (Hands him a clipboard.)","Ross: Oh, sure. Whoa-whoa, what's this? The delivery charge is almost as much as the couch!","Rachel: Wait! No, that's ridiculous. Come on, he lives three blocks away!","Ross: Yeah, y'know what? I'll take it myself, thank you! (He signs the form and hands it back to the salesman.) All right Rach, let's go! (He picks up one end of the couch.)","Rachel: Yeah! (She puts on her coat and turns around and sees Ross is expecting her to help.) (Laughing.) Are you kiddin'?","Ross: Oh, come on it's only three blocks! And-and, it's not very heavy, try it! Come on! Come on!","Rachel: (Disgustedly she goes and tries to pick up the couch. Much to her amazement, she is successful.) Oh. Oh! I can do it!","Ross: Yeah!","The Salesman: You two are really gonna enjoy that couch.","Ross: Oh yeah, we're uh, yeah we're not together. (He starts backing out of the store.)","The Salesman: Ohh, okay. (Laughs.) Something didn't quite add up there. (Ross stops, walks back to talk to the salesman, and in the process pushes Rachel up against a wall.)","Rachel: Ross!","Ross: What's that supposed to mean?","Rachel: Ross!","The Salesman: Well you, her, I mean, she's very...y'know. And you're like...y'know.","Ross: Not that it's any of your business, but we did go out.","The Salesman: Really? You two?","Ross: Yeah! Rach?","Rachel: Come on, I don't really want to be doing this right now. I am carrying a very heavy couch.","Ross: Then tell him quickly.","Rachel: (To Ross) Fine! (To the salesman) We went out.","Ross: Not only did we go out, we did it 298 times!","Rachel: Ross!! Oh my--ugh!! You kept count?! You are such a loser!","Ross: A loser you did it with (To the salesman) 298 times!","(Rachel pushes on the couch and pushes Ross out the door.)","[Scene: Outside of Central Perk, Phoebe is exiting and sees a woman put out her cigarette on a tree.]","Phoebe: Oh. Oh! Ma'am? Excuse me, ma'am?","The Smoking Woman: Yes?","Phoebe: You can't put your cigarette out on a tree!","The Smoking Woman: Yeah I can, it worked real well.","Phoebe: No but you shouldn't! Don't ever do that again.","The Smoking Woman: I won't! (Turns away) Until I have my next cigarette.","Phoebe: Hold it! (Grabs the badge) N.Y.P.D! Freeze punk!","The Smoking Woman: What?!","Phoebe: Yeah that's right you are so busted. (To no one in particular.) Book 'em.","The Smoking Woman: Who are you talking too?","Phoebe: Save it Red! Unless you wanna spend the night in the slammer, you apologize to the tree.","The Smoking Woman: I am not going to apologize to a tree!","Phoebe: You apologize to the tree right now or I am calling for backup. (The woman calls her bluff.) (Screaming at no one in particular) Backup! Backup!!","The Smoking Woman: I-I'm sorry! Sorry.","Phoebe: Okay, cancel backup! Cancel backup!","[Scene: Ross's building's lobby, he and Rachel are about to attempt to take the couch upstairs.]","Ross: Okay. (Throws off the last cushion.)","Rachel: Ross, didn't you say that there was an elevator in here?","Ross: Uhh, yes I did but there isn't. Okay, here we go.","(They start the attempt. Ross is going backwards and reaches the first landing. This staircase has three steps then a landing, makes a 90-degree turn, and has more steps before another landing and another 90-degree turn.)","Ross: Okay, go left. Left! Left! (The bottom of the couch is hitting the railing.)","Rachel: Okay, y'know what? There is no more left, left!","Ross: Oh okay, lift it straight up over your head! Straight up over your head! You can do it! You can do it! (She gets it lifted up and they make the first turn.) Okay. You got it?","Rachel: Yeah.","Ross: Good-good-good.","Rachel: Oh-oh!","(She can't stay at the end as the couch rounds the turn so she shifts to the back corner of the couch and is at a 90-degree angle to it.)","Ross: Yeah, you got it right? You got it right? You got it?","(She don't got it as the couch slips out of their grips and falls over the bottom railing.)","Rachel: Any chance you think the couch looks good there?","[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling Chandler and Monica how she fought crime in her own way with the badge she found.]","Phoebe: ...so this guy was all (Mumbles.) And I'm all, Buffay, Homicide. (Flashes the badge.) It was just so cool!","Monica: (cooking something) Phoebe, you were supposed to take that back!","Phoebe: I know but I'm having so much fun doing good deeds.","Chandler: Okay, but impersonating a police officer is a serious thing. You could get arrested.","Phoebe: You could get arrested, right now! (Flashes the badge and they glare at her.) All right, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power. (She heads for the door just as Joey enters.)","Phoebe: (To Joey) Hey.","Joey: (To Phoebe) Hey! (Sees that Monica's there.) Oh.","Chandler: Hi, Joe.","Joey: Yeah, I didn't know you guys were going to be here.","Monica: Hey Joey, sweetie, taste this. (Holds out a spoon for him.)","Joey: (backing away) What?! Why?!","Monica: What is going on with you?","Joey: Nothing!","Chandler: Oh, come on! You've been acting strange all day!","Joey: All right! There is something. I kinda had a dream, (pause) but I don't want to talk about it. (Starts for his room.)","Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-what-what if Martin Luther King had said that? (Imitating what his famous speech would sound like.) I kinda have a dream! I don't want to talk about it.","Joey: Well, it involved Monica.","Chandler: You had a dream about a girl that I am seeing?! Oh, that is so cool! (To Monica) I can't tell you how many times I've dreamt about a girl that he was seeing. (Seeing Monica's stare.) (To Joey) Anyway we're talking about your dream. (To Monica) I love you. (To Joey) Your dream? (Leans in to listen closely.)","Joey: Don't worry, there wasn't any s*x in it or anything. I haven't dreamt about her like that since I found out about you two--ish.","Monica: What was the dream about?","Joey: Well, okay. You were my girlfriend and we were doing the crossword puzzle. Y'know like you guys were doing last night. So, that's it. I'm in love with Monica and I'll be moving out.","Monica: Wait, Joey! Joey! That doesn't mean that-that you're in love with me!","Joey: It-it doesn't?","Monica: No!","Chandler: No, it can mean anything. Like uh, all of the sudden you're jealous because I've become the apartment stud.","Joey: That kinda sounds like your dream dude.","Monica: Or, it could mean that-that you saw Chandler and me together and we y'know were being close and stuff and then you just want to have that with someone too.","Joey: In the dream I did enjoy the closeness.","Monica: Um-hmm.","Chandler: Joey, look, are you attracted to Monica? Right here, right now, are you attracted to her?","Joey: (looks at her) Not really.","Chandler: Well there you have it!","Monica: Well sure! I'm just wearing sweats! (Looking at Chandler and slowly realizing what his point is.) But that's good that you're not in love with me, because you just want a girlfriend!","Joey: No, I don't think it's just about just getting a girlfriend. Y'know? I mean, yeah, I can get a girlfriend! Yeah, we could sit in the chair and do crosswords, but y'know are we ever going to have y'know the closeness like-like you guys have?","Chandler: Well y'know, Monica and I were friends before we started dating. So maybe-maybe that's it?","Joey: Friends first? That's interesting.","Monica: You become friends after?","Joey: No, never done that either.","Rachel: (entering) Hey, umm, do you guys have that tape measure?","Chandler: Oh yeah, it's actually in my bedroom.","(Monica and Chandler both remember a special moment between them.)","Monica: (laughing) That's right.","(They realize the implication of their behavior, stop instantly and head for his bedroom. In the meanwhile, Joey is starring at Rachel in a seductive way.)","Rachel: (noticing him) What's up Joey?","Joey: (in a sexy voice) How you doin'?","(Rachel is stunned.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Phoebe is walking up and notices a car that is parked half on the curb and right in front of the door, making it difficult for people to enter Central Perk.]","Phoebe: Excuse me, is this your car?","Guy: Yeah.","Phoebe: Well I don't think it's very nice of you to park here, y'know you're blocking the entrance.","Guy: Don't worry about it. It's not a problem.","Phoebe: Well, it's a problem for me, which means it's a problem for you 'cause I'm a cop. (Shows the badge.)","Guy: (he reaches into the car and slams his siren on the roof.) So am I!","Phoebe: Ohh, no. (Pause) Oh okay, so you're a cop which means you can park anywhere, 'cause I know that 'cause I'm a cop too. So, all right, keep up the good work. 10-4. (Tries to leave.)","Cop: (stopping her) Hey, wait a second! So wait, what precinct are you with?","Phoebe: I-I'm with the umm, the 57th.","Cop: Oh, I know a guy in homicide up there.","Phoebe: I'm in vice. Yeah, in fact I'm undercover right now. I'm a whore.","Cop: Who-who else is in vice up there?","Phoebe: Umm, do you know, umm Sipowicz?","Cop: Sipowicz? No, I don't think so.","Phoebe: Yeah, big guy, kinda bald.","Cop: No, I don't know him.","Phoebe: (starts to walk away, but stops) Don't try to call him or anything, 'cause he's not there, he's out. His umm, his partner just died.","Cop: Wow umm, tell Sipowicz I'm real sorry for his loss.","Phoebe: I-I sure will, take care. (Starts walking off.)","Cop: (following her) Hey by the way, I'm sure Sipowicz is gonna be all right. I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good. (Phoebe's stunned) And where did you find my badge?","Phoebe: Oh. (She starts laughing. Then she throws the badge at him and runs away.)","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering. Rachel is there getting some tools to help Ross out.]","Rachel: Hey! Joey, would you mind giving me and Ross a hand moving his couch?","Joey: Oh, I'd love too, but I got acting class. But y'know what? I guess I can blow that off, (In a sexy voice) for you.","(He starts staring at her longingly.)","Rachel: Thanks!","Joey: Uh, hey, Rach let me ask you something. Uh, I was just over there talking to Monica and Chandler, boy they are really tight.","Rachel: I know.","Joey: Yeah that's not such a bad situation they got going over there. I'm thinking of getting me one of those.","Rachel: What's up Joe?","Joey: Well, the reason I think Monica and Chandler are so great...","Rachel: Yeah?","Joey: ...is because they were friends first. Y'know? So I asked myself, \"Who are my friends?\" You and Phoebe, and I saw you first. So...","Rachel: (laughing) What are you saying?","Joey: I'm saying maybe you and I crank it up a notch.","Rachel: Y'know honey, umm, as uh, as flattered as I am that uh, you saw me first, uhh, I just, I-I don't think we should be cranking anything up.","Joey: I'll treat you real nice. (Pulls out a chair for her.)","Rachel: (laughs and pushes the chair back in) Yeah, well, y'know umm... No honey, listen I think it's a great idea to become friends with someone before you date them, but I think the way you do it is y'know you meet someone, become their friend, build a foundation, then you ask them out on a date. Don't hit on your existing friends!","Joey: Won't-won't that take longer?","Rachel: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, but once you find it, ohh it's so worth the wait.","Joey: Yeah. I understand. I understand. (Pause) Man, I wish I saw Phoebe first!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The lobby of Ross's building, he's sitting on the couch at the bottom of the stairs, and he's practicing enticing women to join him on the couch.]","Ross: Come here to me. No-no, you come here to me.","Rachel: (entering) Hey Ross! I brought reinforcements.","Ross: Oh great! What, you brought Joey?","Rachel: Well, I brought the next best thing.","Chandler: (entering) Hey!","Ross: Chandler?! You brought Chandler?! The next best thing would be Monica!","Chandler: Y'know, I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong, so...","Ross: Look, I-I drew a sketch about how we're gonna do it. (Showing them) Okay Rach, (points to the sketch) that's you. That's the couch. (Points again.)","Rachel: Whoa-oh, what's-what's that? (Points.)","Ross: Oh, that's me.","Rachel: Wow! You certainly think a lot of yourself.","Ross: No! That's-that's my arm!","Chandler: (looking at the sketch) Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.","Ross: Y'know what? Just-just follow my lead.","(Chandler and Ross head for opposite ends of the couch.)","Rachel: Okay!","Chandler: Okay.","Ross: Come on, Chandler.","(They pick up the couch and after throwing off the last pillow; Rachel helps out on Chandler's end.)","Ross: All right. (They start up the stairs. Ross is first.) Okay, here we go!","(Chandler has moved forward and is now underneath the couch as it heads up the first set of stairs.)","Ross: All right, ready?","Chandler: Yeah.","Ross: Turn.","Chandler: (straining) Okay.","Ross: Turn! Turn!","(As they turn the couch, Chandler gets sandwiched between the railing and the couch.)","Chandler: Okay, I don't think we can turn anymore!","Rachel: Ross, I don't, I just don't think it's going to fit.","Ross: Oh yeah it will! Come on, up! Up-up-up! Up! Yes! Here we go! Pivot! (They start up the stairs again. Chandler is between the couch and the wall now.) Pivot! Piv-ot! Piv-et!! Piv-ett!!! Piv-et!","Chandler: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!!","(They set the couch down.)","Ross: Okay, I don't think it's going to pivot anymore.","Chandler and Rachel: You think?!","Ross: All right, let's uh, let's bring it back down and-and try again.","(As they start back down the couch drops a little bit and gets jammed. They try to free it to no avail.)","Chandler: Okay, yeah, I think it's really stuck now.","Ross: I can't believe that didn't work!","Rachel: I know, me neither! I mean, you had a sketch!","Chandler: Oh, y'know, what did you mean when you said pivot?","[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is returning and finds Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]","Joey: (entering) Hey!","Rachel: Hey! How's it going? Did you make any new friends?","Joey: Yeah, yeah, I met this woman. (Starts for his room.)","Chandler: (stopping him) Hey, whoa-whoa! What's she like?","Joey: Uhh, well, she's...really good in bed.","Monica: Joey, I thought you were gonna try to be friends first!","Joey: (To Rachel) Well look, hey, it's all your fault!","Rachel: What?! Why?!","Joey: Well because you didn't give me advice! No! You gave me a pickup line! As soon as I told her I wanted to y'know, build a foundation and be friends first. I suddenly, through no fault of my own, became irresistible to her! (Pause) And her roommate!","Monica: What about the closeness?","Joey: Closeness-shmoshness! There was three of us for crying out loud!","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering with a pizza and finds everyone but Ross there.]","Joey: (entering) All right! Hey, who wants pizza?!","Chandler: Ooh, I do! I do! I do!","(They all walk over to get a slice.)","Joey: (taking a bite) Oh, great! Can you believe I found it on the second floor?","(They all throw their pieces back as there is a knock on the door.)","Monica: Who is it?","Voice: N.Y.P.D!!","Phoebe and Joey: Oh my God!","Joey: Uhh, just a minute officer!!","(He throws his piece back in the box, runs into the living room, looks for a place to hide the pizza, finds one, slides the box under the couch, sits down on the table, and tries to quickly chew the food in his mouth.)","Cop: I'm looking for Phoebe Buffay!","Phoebe: Ooh, God, it's him! It's that cop! God, I can't believe it! He found me!","Rachel: Oh my God, Phoebe, are you gonna go to jail?!","Phoebe: Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking you (Points at all of them) with me. (They all look at her.) Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum. Good luck Chandler. (She opens the door to the cop from before.) Okay, you can arrest me. Fine. But you'll never make it stick and you know it!","Cop: Yeah, but I kinda don't have a choice, it's my job. I mean, you understand right?","Phoebe: Yep! As long as you understand that I'm going to call my lawyer and once he puts you on the stand he'll make you look like a fool. A fool!","Cop: I don't like looking foolish. Y'know what? Maybe uh, I don't arrest you today. Maybe I came by and you weren't here.","Phoebe: I would love it if I weren't here!","Cop: Okay, so since umm, you're not going to jail tonight I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner with me?","Phoebe: Me?!","Cop: Yeah. Ever since you flashed my badge at me, I kinda can't stop thinking about you. You're the prettiest, fake undercover whore I've ever seen.","Chandler and Joey: Nice!","Phoebe: Wow! I didn't see that coming! You're-you're asking me out!","Cop: Yeah. I mean, I coulda done it better, but these people keep staring at me.","Phoebe: Umm, yeah, I'd like to go out with you officer...","Cop: Gary.","Phoebe: Gary.","Gary: Okay, so it's a date.","Phoebe: Yeah! So--ooh, I gotta ask you though. How did you know where to find me?","Gary: Well you're fingerprints were all over my badge so I just ran it through the computer and this was listed as your last known address so I just checked it out.","Phoebe: Ohh, impressive.","Gary: Not as impressive as you. I gotta tell you, I looked at your record and you've done some pretty weird stuff.","Phoebe: Yeah, we'll talk at dinner.","Gary: Okay. (He starts to leave.) So I'll come by in a couple hours and pick you up?","Phoebe: All right, I can't wait!","Gary: Okay. And don't worry, I'm not just gonna take you out for donuts.","(Chandler busts out laughing and everyone just looks at him.)","Chandler: (To Rachel) He has a gun!","Closing Credits","[Scene: The couch store, Ross is talking to a saleswoman.]","Ross: I'd like to return this couch. I'm not satisfied with it.","[The camera cuts to show the couch, which has been cut in half.]","The Saleswoman: You wanna return this couch? (Ross nods yes.) It's cut in half!","Ross: That's what I'm telling you.","The Saleswoman: Did you cut this couch in half?","Ross: This couch, is cut in half! I would like to exchange it for one that is not cut in half!","The Saleswoman: You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this?!","Ross: Look, I am a reasonable man. I will accept store credit.","The Saleswoman: I'll give you store credit in the amount of four dollars.","Ross: (thinks) I take it."],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"05x16","Episode Title":"The One With A Cop","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_05x21.json","Recap":["Phoebe freaks out after learning Gary is planning to ask her to move in with him, which she is not ready for. Phoebe reluctantly agrees to move in, however the relationship quickly ends when Gary shoots a bird tweeting outside the bedroom window. Rachel buys a hairless Sphynx cat for $1,000 but quickly regrets her purchase when everyone mocks it and the cat continually hisses at and scratches her. She eventually unloads the creature on Gunther, making a profit. Ross and Joey pass time by tossing a ball back and forth, and subsequently try to see how long they can go without dropping the ball. Monica joins in, then Chandler, who is called a 'Dropper', joins in."],"Transcript":["Teleplay by: Greg Malins","Story by: Scott Silveri","[Scene: Central Perk, Gary, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there.]","Gary: (To Phoebe) Would you like some more coffee, baby-doll?","Phoebe: I'm fine, thanks.","Chandler: (To Monica) Yeah, see, I can't pull of baby-doll can I?","Monica: No. I think we learned that from the sugarlips incident. I'm gonna get some tea.","Chandler: Okay.","(Monica leaves and Chandler moves to talk to Phoebe.)","Chandler: Hiya doin' pumpkin?","Phoebe: Nope. (Chandler nods in agreement.)","[Cut to Gary and Monica at the counter.]","Monica: So it looks like it's going really well for you two, huh?","Gary: I know, really well. In fact, I'm gonna ask Phoebe to move in with me.","Monica: (shocked) Oh my God!","Gary: What do you, what do you think?","Monica: I think that is so great! When are you gonna ask her?","Gary: Tonight, but don't say anything. Okay?","Monica: I swear, I promise. I promise. Oh my God, I'm so excited! {And I just can't hide it! I'm about to lose control and I think I like it! Sorry, just couldn't resist it.} All right, listen let me tell you, do not get her flowers. Okay? Because y'know, she cries when they die, and there's the whole funeral...","Gary: (To Phoebe) I'll see you after work sweetie. (Kisses her.)","Phoebe: Okay. Bye!","(Gary exits and Monica rejoins them.)","Phoebe: So, what movie should we see?","Monica: (sitting down) Gary's gonna ask you to move in with him!!","Phoebe: What?! Really?!","Monica: He just told me at the counter. He made me promise not to tell, but I couldn't hold it in any longer!","Phoebe: I can't believe this!","Chandler: (terrified) Right, because it's fast. Because, it's so fast. It's fast!","Monica: Relax! It's Phoebe! Not you!","Chandler: Oh! Good for you Pheebs, way to go! (Breathes a sigh of relief)","Phoebe: No, but it is fast. Isn't it?","Monica: Ohhhh!","Phoebe: No, I like him a lot but I don't think I'm ready for this!","Chandler: So, what are you gonna do?","Phoebe: I don't know. I'll just handle it-I'll ask you to talk to him!","Chandler: Me?! Why me?","Phoebe: Because you are so afraid of commitment! You talk to him, make him scared like you! Make him a...man!","Chandler: I'll try, but I'm not sure what good it would do, y'know? Because I'm a lot less afraid of commitment than I used to be.","Monica: That is so sweet! (She kisses him and turns to add some sugar to her tea.)","Chandler: (To Phoebe, behind Monica's back) Still terrified, I'll take care of it. No problem. (When Monica turns back he smiles and kisses her, when she turns away he nods that he'll do it to Phoebe.)","Opening Credits","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are playing catch with a little foam globe.]","Joey: Hey Ross, is uh, is Staten Island really an island?","Ross: Uh-huh, that's why they call it Staten Island.","Joey: Ohhh. I thought it was like Long Island.","Ross: (he catches the ball and pauses, staring at Joey in disbelief) Also an island.","(The game resumes.)","Joey: Hey, what time is it?","Ross: (looks at his watch) 2:17.","Joey: Wow! You realize that we've been throwing this ball, without dropping it, for like an hour?","Ross: Are you serious?!","Joey: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.","Ross: Wow! We are pretty good at this! Hey! We totally forgot about lunch!","Joey: Oh, I-I, I think that's the first time I ever missed a meal! (Checks his pants.) Yeah, my pants are a little loose!","Rachel: (entering) Hey, you guys...","Joey: Hey!","Rachel: Is Monica here?","Joey and Ross: No.","Rachel: All right listen umm, I just bought something I'm not sure she's gonna like it, and it's gonna seem a little crazy, but this is something that I wanted since I was a little girl.","Ross: You bought Shawn Cassidy!","Rachel: Noo! I wish! Okay, you ready?","Joey and Ross: Yeah!","Rachel: Okay! (She goes and gets her surprise and when she returns with it, Ross stares in shock.) Check it out!","(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)","Ross: What-what is it?!","Joey: What the hell is that?!!","Rachel: It's a, it's a cat!","Joey: That, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.}","Rachel: Yes it is!","Ross: Why is it inside out?!","Rachel: Excuse me! But this is a purebred, show-quality Sphinx cat!","Ross: How much did you pay for that?","Rachel: Well, it was a little extravagant, but I a pretty good deal.","Ross: Yeah? How much?","Rachel: A thousand bucks.","Ross: ON A CAT??!!!!","Joey: It's not a cat!","Rachel: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!","Ross: Free cats do that too, y'know. {Which reminds me, if I might get a little political here, support your local animal shelter. Pet shops are not the place to buy dogs and cats from, you get a much better deal from the shelter, plus they probably won't die on you in a week and a half. If you want a leash, go to the pet shop. If you want the dog for that leash, go to the shelter and save it's life. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.}","Joey: It's not a cat!","Rachel: Ugh! Look you guys, I'm really excited about this! Okay? I don't care what you think! I'm gonna go set up a little litter box for Mrs. Whiskerson. (They both glare at her.) Well, what am I gonna call her? Fluffy?!","(Rachel goes into the bathroom as the guys continue throwing the ball.)","Ross: (To Joey) Hey, you wanna get something to eat or uh, do you wanna see how long we can throw this ball back and forth? Huh?","Joey: Uhh, the ball thing.","Ross: Yeah?","Joey: Hey Ross, wouldn't it be great if we could go two straight hours without dropping it?!","Ross: Uhh, yeah it would! Let's do it!","Joey: Okay!","(They throw the ball back and forth once.)","Joey: (catches the ball) Uh-oh.","Ross: What?","Joey: I have to pee. And Rachel's in the bathroom!","[Cut to Chandler and Joey's, Ross is seen throwing the ball into the bathroom, presumably where Joey is currently using the facilities.]","Joey: Man, I didn't think we were gonna make it!","Ross: I know! (Looks at the ball in his hands.) Don't switch hands, okay?","[Scene: the 5th Precinct, Gary's precinct, Chandler has come to talk to him about commitment. And as he's walking through the door he notices a couple of \"Ladies of the night\" sitting there. (If you know what I mean.)]","Chandler: Hey ladies! What are you in here for? (Laughs at his joke.)","Gary: Hey Chandler, what are you doing here?","Chandler: Gary, I'm here to report a crime.","Gary: Yeah?","Chandler: It is a crime that you and I don't spend more time together.","Gary: (laughs, then suddenly serious) What's up?","Chandler: Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.","Gary: Sure. Okay.","Chandler: Uh, are you crazy? Are you insane? If you live with Phoebe, you two are gonna be y'know, live-living together!","Gary: Yeah, I-I considered that. I just know it would make me happy.","Chandler: You mean scared.","Gary: No, I mean happy.","Chandler: Scared? Happy?","Gary: Chandler, what-what are you doing?","Chandler: I am trying to open your eyes, my man! Don't you see, if you lived with Phoebe she's always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. You wake up and oh yes, she's there!","Gary: I know! I can't wait!","Chandler: Were you're parents happy, or something?","Gary: Listen Chandler, the way I see it is that I was lucky enough to find someone that I really love. I just-I wanna be around her as much as I can.","Chandler: Wow, y'know when you say it, it doesn't sound so scary.","Gary: So you know what I'm talking about, right?","Chandler: Yeah, I think I do! Y'know what? You move in with her! You move in with her right now! Maybe I should in with Monica!","Gary: No, it's too soon for you guys.","Chandler: (pause) Yeah, you're right about that.","[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are still playing catch.]","Ross: ...now when they found the remains of the Mesozoic Mastodon they discovered what appeared to be the remains of a Paleozoic Amphibian in its jaws! How did it get there?!","{Y'know, sometimes I think the script writers through in a line like that to try to trip me up. But it won't work. I'll always have the last laugh! <manical_laugh.wav> Okay, so maybe I'm a little deluded, it's probably just my spellchecker. But, I must admit I did get Mesozoic and Paleozoic on the first attempt. Yay me! Anyhoo...}","Joey: Maybe this should be more of a quiet game. {Oh, all right! Geez, I can't have any fun!}","Monica: (entering) Hey guys!","Joey: Hi!","Monica: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. (Goes to the counter) It was right here, where is it?","Joey: I don't know.","Monica: All right, come on, I'm-I'm late for work!","Ross: How do you know? You don't have a watch.","Monica: Guys, could you please just stop throwing the ball for one minute and just help me find it!","Joey: Oh, I don't know.... Yeah, can't do it.","(He throws it back to Ross, but it's intercepted by Monica and the guys both scream in horror.)","Monica: What?!","Ross: Monica, whatever you do, do not drop that ball!","Joey: Yeah, we haven't dropped it in... (Looks to Ross.)","Ross: 2 hours, 27 minutes.","Monica: Really?!","[Time lapse, Monica has joined in and is calling to get out of work.]","Monica: (on phone, faking she's sick) I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into work today, I don't feel very good. (Joey makes a high throw and Monica has to catch it way over her head.) (Not sounding sick) Yes!! (Realizes what she just did.) (Sounding sick again) Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not. (Hangs up and keeps throwing the ball.)","(Rachel enters.)","Ross: Hey Rach!","Rachel: Hey.","Ross: Check it out! Almost 3 hours without droppin' it!","Rachel: Oh, wow! Congratulations, that's quite a waste of time.","Monica: Rach?","Rachel: Yeah?","Monica: You have scratches all over you, what happened? (Rachel's arms are covered with scratches.)","Rachel: Well, it's my cat.","Monica: (shocked) What?!","Rachel: Oh yeah, I got a cat.","Monica: I don't want a cat!","Joey: Oh, don't worry, it's not a cat.","Ross: Yeah.","Rachel: You guys this cat is nothing like my grandmother's cat. I mean, it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, \"Rachel!\"","Ross: Doesn't sound as crazy as paying a thousand dollars for a cat.","Monica: (To Rachel) What?! You paid a thousand dollars for a cat when you owe me 300!!","Rachel: Well, I was gonna let you play with it.","[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is drinking coffee as Chandler enters.]","Chandler: Hi!","Phoebe: Hmm, did you talk to Gary about the moving in thing?","Chandler: Yes I did, and I think you should do it.","Phoebe: What?!","Chandler: He's a great guy, y'know? And he loves you a lot, you are a very lucky lady.","Phoebe: You are useless! Freaking out about commitment is the one thing you can do! The one thing! And you can't even do that right! God!","Chandler: I'm sorry. (Pause) If you ask me, I'd move in with him.","Phoebe: Ohh!! God! (Gary enters and she sees him) Ooh! (To Chandler) Get out of here, good for nothing.","Gary: Hey Chandler.","Chandler: Hey Gar!","Gary: (To Phoebe) Hi sweetie. (Kisses her.) Hi, can I talk to you for a second?","Phoebe: Yeah! Okay. (They move to the couch.)","Gary: You look very pretty today.","Phoebe: Thanks! Okay. (They sit down.)","Gary: Here's the thing.","Phoebe: Yeah?","Gary: Y'know I really want to move this relationship forward.","Phoebe: Uh-hmm.","Gary: Because if you're not moving forward, y'know you're just moving backwards.","Phoebe: No that's not true. If you're not moving forward, you're just staying still. And staying still is good. Watch this. (She stays still for a brief second.)","Gary: Phoebe?","Phoebe: Yeah?","Gary: I want you to move in with me.","Phoebe: That is so sweet. But don't you think it's a little too soon? I mean there's so much we don't know about each other.","Gary: (disappointed) Oh. Oh-oh-okay, I get it.","Phoebe: I just-I don't want us to jump into something we're not ready for.","Gary: (disappointed more) Uh-huh.","Phoebe: I really don't want to mess up what we have. I'm just-I'm worried it's gonna be a big mistake.","Gary: (on the verge of tears) Yeah.","Phoebe: Which is why my answer is yes!","Gary: (suddenly happy) Really?!","Phoebe: Uh-huh! (They hug.) I'm so...happy. (She's not happy.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, and Monica are still playing catch, with Chandler looking on. Joey throws the ball to Monica who catches it and whips it at Ross.]","Ross: (catching the ball) Monica! Stop throwing it so hard! We're on the same team!","Chandler: Four hours? You guys have been doing this for four hours?","Joey: That's right baby.","Chandler: All right, let me in. (He jumps off of the counter to join in the game.)","Monica: (jumping in front of him) No-no! Don't do it! Don't!","Chandler: What?","Monica: He's a dropper!","Joey: Oh yeah, that's right!","Chandler: I'm not a dropper!","Ross: It's really a uh-uh three person game, y'know?","Chandler: It's throwing and catching!","Ross: All right. (He gently tosses the ball to Chandler who catches it.)","Chandler: Oh! Oh! That's so hard. (Starts to juggle the ball, but loses control and almost drops it and hands it to Monica.)","(Rachel enters with the \"cat\" and the chick and the duck start to get riled up.)","Joey: Whoa-whoa you guys, it's not a cat!","Monica: Oh my-Oh good God!","Rachel: (she's wearing an oven mitt to protect her hand) I give up you guys, I don't know what I'm going to do with this thing!","Ross: Baking it didn't help, huh?","Monica: So, why don't you just take it back to where you got it?","Rachel: I tried! They won't take her back.","Chandler: Maybe that's because she's a minion of the anti-Christ.","Monica: Rach, why won't they take it back?","Rachel: Well, they said would but they would only give me store credit. I mean, what am I going to do, get a thousand regular cats?","Monica: Look, if you want you can keep it at our place until you find out what to do with it.","Rachel: No Mon that's not the point. I'm out a thousand dollars, I'm all scratched up, and I'm stuck with this stupid cat that looks like a hand! (Storms out.)","(Monica sneezes.)","Monica: Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!! (Quickly grabs a tissue to wipe her eyes.) Oh God! Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close.","Chandler: Yeah, you almost overreacted to something.","Phoebe and Gary: (entering) Hey!","All: Hey!","Gary: We have great news!","Phoebe: We're moving in together! Isn't it great! Yay!","All: Congratulations! Congrats!","Phoebe: I know, I'm so excited!","Gary: So am I!","Phoebe: Well, you're not more excited than I am! No way! I'm the most excited!","Gary: Okay, I'll see you at the station later.","Phoebe: Okay, yeah, I'll see you later! Don't forget about the moving in!","Gary: All right.","(Phoebe closes the door behind him.)","Monica: So you're moving in with him. What happened?","Phoebe: I couldn't tell him no. He got so sad. Maybe it'll be all right. I do really like him a lot and probably do it eventually anyway and plus, think of all the money I'll save on stamps.","Monica: Why, do you write him a lot?","Phoebe: No, I just heard when people live together, they split the cost of stamps. Don't they?","All: Yeah! That's right. Yeah-yeah! Yeah!","(Rachel enters with the cat, wearing the oven mitt, and startles Phoebe.)","Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry, the oven mitts really freaked me out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Gary's precinct, Phoebe is entering.]","Gary: Hey, honey! Okay, so did you find any apartments? Anything in Brooklyn Heights?","Phoebe: No, nothing.","Gary: Oh really?","Phoebe: Yeah.","Gary: Nothing at all?","Phoebe: No, as soon as something opens up we'll move right in. Unless it doesn't have a pool, I need a pool. (Turns away from him.)","Gary: Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?","Phoebe: Uh-huh!","(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)","Gary: Take a seat. You okay? You feeling all right? (Closes the door and takes off his coat.)","Phoebe: (sits down) Yeah, I feel great. 'Cause we're moving in together.","Gary: So you uh, you checked the paper for listings in Brooklyn Heights, right? You-you checked the Post?","Phoebe: Yeah, uh-huh, there was nothing. (Pause) Can I get some water?","Gary: In a minute. You-you checked today's Post?","Phoebe: Umm, yeah! Today's.","Gary: 'Cause uh, this is today's Post (produces one from the other chair) and uh, these are the listings I found. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, two bedroom. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, one bedroom. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, (points) Brooklyn Heights, (points) Brooklyn Heights!","Phoebe: (looks at the paper) Are these for rent! I thought people were just bragging!","Gary: Let me tell you what I think might be going on. (Phoebe looks down in shame.) No-no-no, don't look at the table. Look at me. (Points to his eyes and she does so) Okay, I think somebody asked someone to move in with them. And I think someone said, \"Yes\" but now she's having doubts because things are moving to fast for someone. Does that sound at all possible to you?","Phoebe: Yes. Yes! Fine! I am someone! You want me to say it? I have doubts! (Pause) I'm sorry! (Puts her head down.)","Gary: Phoebe...","Phoebe: Yeah?","Gary: Phoebe, it's okay that you feel this way. I mean it is soon. And there's a lot of things we don't know about each other, and I just figure that everything I really like. And the things I don't know, I get to learn about at someplace with both our names on the mailbox.","Phoebe: That's so sweet.","Gary: Sweethart, but none of that matters if it's too soon for you. It's fine! We don't have to move in together. I just-I want you to be happy","Phoebe: Living with you would make me happy.","Gary: Phoebe, you don't have to say that.","Phoebe: No, I really wanna live with you! I wanna move in with you!","Gary: Are you sure?","Phoebe: Yes. Definitely! Yes! Let's live in an apartment that we both live in! (Hugs him.)","Gary: Oh that's great!","Phoebe: Oh wait, one sec. One sec. (Goes to the mirror) Hey you! Behind the glass! Who are you looking at! I've always wanted to say that when I was in one of these rooms, (sees the look on his face) which was never!","[Scene: The street outside Central Perk, Rachel is trying to sell the cat.]","Rachel: Show cat! Quality show cat! Show cat! (A woman approaches.)","Woman No. 1: (looks into the box) Oh my God! What's wrong with your baby?!","Rachel: It's not a baby! It's a cat!","Woman No. 1: Eew! It's creepy looking!","Rachel: Oh no! No! It's actually-it's very sweet. It's very sweet. Look! (Goes to pet it and it hisses at her.) Yeah, do you want it?","Woman No. 1: (laughs) No, I hate cats.","Rachel: Well, so then what are you doing to me? Okay? Just get out of here! All right? Move on!","(Another woman approaches.)","Woman No. 2: Wow! What an unusual cat!","Rachel: Yes! Thank you! Exactly! You want it?","Woman No. 2: Maybe. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was just going to go to the shelter (Good for her) but... Okay, why not?","Rachel: Oh, terrific! That'll be $2,000.","Woman No. 2: What?!","Rachel: Okay, a thousand.","Woman No. 2: I thought you wanted to adopt your cat.","Rachel: Well, I do, but you're just gonna have to actually look at this as more of an investment than a cat.","Woman No. 2: Okay, yeah, I just wanted a cat. (Starts to leave.)","Rachel: (makes some unintelligible sound to stop her from leaving) Obviously you know how to haggle, so I'm not gonna try and take you on. Okay? So $800 and I don't call the cops because you're robbing me blind! Blind! (Covers her eyes) Just take cat, leave the money, and run away! Run away! (Uncovers her eyes and sees that the woman has fled) Damnit! (To the cat) Cat, can't you at least smile or something?! (The cat hisses at her again, it sounds like Rachel) Okay, did anybody just hear that? Anybody?","[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!! Must we see all the time?!}]","Ross: I'm starving!","Monica: Come on guys! Suck it up! We're closing in on ten hours! It's gut-check time!","Joey: I don't know who made you the boss? All right? We (Ross and him) invented this game!","Monica: Please! I made this game what it is.","Chandler: Not fun anymore?","Ross: I'm still hungry!","Monica: All right, there's some pizza at my place, we can all eat with one hand right? Are you with me?","Ross: I am!","Monica: All right! Let's go! (Runs to the door.) Let's go Team Monica! (The guys all stop and stare at her) All right, we can work out the name later.","[Cut to her apartment where Rachel is sitting at the table.]","Monica: Rachel! What is your cat doing in one of my bowls!","Rachel: It's not! I'm defrosting a chicken. (Pause) Oh, I uh sold Mrs. Whiskerson.","Ross: Oh, thank God!","Joey: Did you get your money back?","Rachel: Yeah, 15 hundred dollars.","Monica: Wow! You made a profit!","Gunther: (entering with the cat) I just came for the red-velvet pillow.","Rachel: Oh yeah, there you go. (Hands over the pillow.)","Gunther: Thanks Rachel. And-and don't forget you-you can come visit her anytime you want.","Rachel: Oh good, great! I'll-I'll keep that in mind. (Turns and walks away.)","Gunther: (To Ross) Hey! So what is this? Some kind of snake or something?","[Scene: Gary and Phoebe's apartment, it's morning and they're both waking up in bed.]","Gary: I really like waking up with you.","Phoebe: I like waking up with you too. (Looks out the window) Oh! It's such a beautiful morning. (Some birds are singing outside the window) Oh, I can stay here all day.","Gary: That would be great!","Phoebe: We could have breakfast in bed...","Gary: Wait, just a second.","Phoebe: Okay. (He grabs his gun and shoots the bird.) Oh! Oh no.","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Hyper-competitive Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are still playing catch. Monica is finally tiring while the rest of them are totally exhausted and virtually asleep.]","Monica: All right! Come on Monica! Look alive! Come on, look alive!","Phoebe: (entering) Oh good, you're all up.","Rachel: Phoebe! It's 6 o'clock in the morning! Why aren't you at Gary's?","Phoebe: Oh yeah, that's over.","All: What?!","Chandler: Come on! Gary's such a great guy! Whatever the problem is, you can work it out!","Phoebe: He shot a bird!","Chandler: Oh that is over!","All: That's terrible! I'm sorry!","Rachel: Phoebe, are you okay?","Phoebe: Yeah. Yeah, I'll be alright.","Joey: Oh hey, here Pheebs. (He throws her the ball.)","Phoebe: (catches it) Nah, I don't feel like playing. (She sets the ball down on the table and everyone gasps.)","Monica: It's okay. It's okay. Just pretend that it didn't happen! Okay? No one needs to know! I mean, Phoebe's not an official ballplayer! I mean, only official ballplayers can drop the ball!","All: All right. Okay. I'm starving! (They all get up, thus officially ending the game.)","Rachel: Phoebe, honey, wanna get some breakfast?","Phoebe: Yeah!","Monica: Okay! Okay, let's race! First one there wins! Ha-ha! (Runs out the door and everyone watches her leave.)","(Pause)","Chandler: You guys wanna eat here?","All: Yeah! As long as we're here!","Ending Credits","[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]","Joey: Man that was great! Huh? Can you believe how long we threw that ball around?","Rachel: Yeah, it is amazing it lasted that long.","Ross: I know. My arm is killing me.","Rachel: No, I meant with the dropper over here. (Points at Chandler.)","Chandler: Y'know, how did I get this reputation as a dropper? Okay? I'm anything but a dropper. (We see various scenes of him dropping a football, a mug of coffee, the phone, an apple, a Frisbee, a record, and the final scene has a ball bouncing off of his chest. I'm not going to describe them, you'll have to see them.)"],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"05x21","Episode Title":"The One With The Ball","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_07x12.json","Recap":["Everyone is awake for the entire night after the friends try to see a comet from the rooftop. After, Monica and Chandler are later unable to sleep. Rachel and Tag go to the office to search for a business file that Rachel claims Tag misplaced. Joey and Ross try to escape the roof after getting stuck there. Phoebe's smoke detector goes off and will not stop beeping, leading to a run-in with a firefighter."],"Transcript":["[Scene: The Building's Roof, the entire gang plus Tag are there to look for a comet. They're looking for a comet on a roof of a New York apartment building. Yeah, that's realistic. You might as well look for the moon on a bright sunny day.]","Monica: (looking up) Ross, when's this comet thing start?","Ross: Well, technically it started seven billion years ago... (Well, technically you'd be able to see it for days, well nights; that is if you could see it with all of the bright lights of New York.)","All: (groaning) Oh no! Oh no! (They all start to get up and leave.)","Ross: Okay! Okay! Fine, I'll stop! No teaching, okay? We'll just watch the pretty light streaking across the sky. (Comets don't streak across the sky, meteors do.) Okay? Who's official name is Bapstein-King.","All: Okay! Okay! (They start to leave again.)","Phoebe: (looking up) There it is! Oh, look at that! Isn't Mother Nature amazing?","Chandler: (looking up with her) That's a plane!","Phoebe: Well, all right. 1700 bags of peanuts flying that high, that's pretty amazing too.","Tag: Hey, I wonder if you can see my apartment from up here.","Rachel: No. No, you can't.","Tag: What?","Rachel: Oh I don't-I don't know.","Ross: Man, look at all those stars! (Yeah, you can see what? Five of them from the city?) Infinite space. It really, really makes you wonder, doesn't it?","Joey: (looking through his binoculars at a nearby building) Y'know what else makes you wonder?","Ross: Huh?","Joey: Check out the rack on this chick! (Turns around to point it out to Ross and finds that Ross is glaring at him. So he quickly puts his binoculars to his eyes and starts looking for the comet.)","Opening Credits","[Scene: The Roof, continued from earlier.]","Monica: Okay, we've been out here for two hours and we haven't seen any stupid comets. Can we go now? I mean, Chandler's getting chilly. (She walks over to where Chandler is bundled up in a big coat and shivering.)","Chandler: (with a quivering voice) No, I'm not!","Joey: Then why are you wearing Monica's jacket?","Chandler: Because it's flattering! (Shivers harder) Come on Monica! Come on Monica! (He goes inside.)","Rachel: Yeah actually, I think we're gonna take off too. We rented a movie.","Phoebe: Oh! I won't say, 'no' to a movie!","Rachel: Uh Pheebs, we just actually kinda wanted to be alone.","Phoebe: Shh! Get me out of here.","Rachel: Oh. (They leave, leaving just Joey and Ross.)","Joey: (whispering) Ross!","Ross: What?","Joey: Come here, check this out!","Ross: What? Is it the comet? (Runs over to where Joey's standing.)","Joey: No! No-no. Look, there's a bug stuck in tar right here. (Bends down to get a closer look.)","Ross: Joey come-I can't believe-I bring you here to see the Bapstein-King comet, one of nature's most spectacular phenomenon, and all you care about are bugs stuck in tar and-and some woman!","Joey: (standing up) Y'know, there's two women dude.","Ross: Show me where?","Joey: Right-right up here. (Starts looking at them through a piece of pipe.)","Ross: (noticing the pipe and looking at the door) Joey where's the pipe that was holding the door open?","Joey: (annoyed) I don't know! (Goes back to looking through the pipe.) (Pause) Yeah, I do.","Ross: Joey!","Joey: What?! All right-Hey! Don't look at me! You're the one who wanted to come up and look for some stupid Burger King comet!","Ross: It's called the Bapstein-King comet, okay? (Joey starts to groan.) Hey! Hey! Bapstein was a very well respected astronomer!","Joey: (covering his ears and yelling) Oh no! No! No! (He starts banging on the door.)","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, Monica is sleeping and Chandler's sitting in bed, wide awake.]","Chandler: (whispering) Monica!","Monica: She's sleeping.","Chandler: I know, just quick-quick question, quick question. Which one was Deep Impact and which one was Armageddon?","Monica: Deep Impact was the one with Robert Duval, Armageddon is what's going to happen to you if you wake me up.","Chandler: Sorry, I just...can't sleep. Ooh! (Turns on the light and Monica groans.) Where is that book that you are reading with the two women who were ice-skating and wearing, wearing those hats with the flowers on it? Because every time I look at that cover I'm like...(Fake snores.)","Monica: It is in the living room where there is also a light! And no one will kick you in the shin.","Chandler: What?! (Monica kicks him in the shin.) Ow! (He gets out of bed and heads into the living room.)","[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, there is a beeping noise coming from the living room and Phoebe sleepily goes to investigate.]","Phoebe: (crossing her fingers and closing her eyes) Please don't be a space ship. Please don't be a space ship. (She turns on the light and looks around and finds that it's the smoke detector that's beeping.) Oh thank God! (She moves a chair over and starts to investigate how to make the beeping turn off, in frustration she yanks the thing off of the wall. She sets it down and heads for bed, just as she gets there it beeps again. She opens the cover and removes the battery, but it still beeps.) How could you be beeping?! I just disconnected you! I took out your battery! How can...","Smoke Detector: Beep!","Phoebe: Don't interrupt me!!","[Scene: The Roof, Ross and Joey are banging on the door.]","Ross: Rachel!! Monica!!","Joey: Come on!","(Ross gets fed up with Joey's banging and stops him by pulling him away from the door.)","Ross: I can't believe this!!","Joey: All right well, y'know...I guess we know what we have to do to get down.","Ross: (standing at the edge of the roof) Yeah, I guess we don't have a choice. (Screaming to the street) Help us! Please help us! We're stuck up on the roof and we can't get down!!!","Joey: Ross. I was thinking we could just go down the fire escape. (Points it out.)","Ross: (To Joey) I know, I wasn't finished. (Joey motions him to finish.) (Yelling at the street) But don't worry! We're gonna go down the fire escape!!","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's kitchen, Chandler has a jug of milk in his hands and decides to make some warm milk. He opens up the cabinet to get a pot and manages to knock several other pots onto the floor making a lot of noise.]","Chandler: Shhhhhhhhh!!! (Monica enters) I'm sorry, I thought maybe I'd make some warm milk and it would help me sleep.","Monica: With a wok? (Chandler's holding a wok.) I thought you were going to read my boring book to put you asleep.","Chandler: It got interesting! Damn you Oprah!","Monica: Here, let me make the milk, I'm up anyway.","Chandler: Hey, y'know what we can do? Y'know, now that we are up? We can just like talk to each other all night long, y'know like we did when we were first going out. It'd be fun!","Monica: Okay that does sound like fun.","Chandler: Okay, so how bummed were you when the second sister died huh?","Monica: The second sister dies?!","Chandler: (Pause) No. No, I-I was, I was talking about the book I was reading.","Monica: The second sister dies in Archie and Jughead Double Digest?","Chandler: That's correct.","[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Tag are making out on the couch.]","Rachel: You wanna go in the bedroom? It's a little more comfortable.","Tag: Sure.","Rachel: Okay. (They start to head for the bedroom) Oh wait! Umm, did you send those contracts to Milan?","Tag: If this is your idea of sexy talk? (Shakes his head that it's not working.)","Rachel: No seriously, y'know the contracts I gave you, did you overnight them?","Tag: What contracts?","Rachel: Okay please tell me that this is just one of your jokes that you do that I don't get.","Tag: Like what?","Rachel: Y'know, like the thing when you put the phone in your pants? (He starts laughing.) Tag! I'm serious! This isn't funny! Those contracts absolutely had to go out today!","Tag: Rach, I'm sorry, but you didn't give me any contracts!","Rachel: Yes I did! And I put a little Post-It on it that said, \"Must go out today,\" and underlined today three times and, and then I put a little heart in the corner because I didn't want to seem too bossy.","Tag: I'm telling you, you never gave them to me.","Rachel: Y'know what Tag, if we went down to the office you would see those contracts sitting on your desk.","Tag: No, I would see you looking embarrassed because they are not on my desk!","Rachel: Or maybe you would see me looking embarrassed because you are talking on the phone with your crotch!","Tag: You wanna go down to the office right now?","Rachel: No! Come on its late, we're not gonna go down to the office.","Tag: Okay I understand. (Sits down.) I wouldn't want to be proved wrong either.","Rachel: Okay get your coat! (They get their coats and start to leave. Rachel suddenly stops and sticks her hand up the back of her shirt.) Oh! When did you unhook this? (Her bra.) Nice work!","[Scene: The Fire Escape, Joey and Ross have reached the last landing. Joey is tugging on the ladder that extends to the ground, but it won't budge.]","Joey: All right, it won't go down any further. It's stuck.","Ross: Ugh. Well, we're just gonna have to jump. (Joey looks at him.) Yeah. Now, we're gonna have to make sure to land to the right of that patch of ice, okay? Not hit the dumpster on the other side and uh, and try to avoid that-that weird brownish red stuff in the middle. So, when you get down there...you go up to the roof and you let me in.","Joey: Oh whoa-whoa wait a minute! I have to do it?!","Ross: Yeah! Oh yeah, you'll be fine! It-it'll be uh, just like bungy jumping. Y'know? But instead of bouncing back up you-you won't.","Joey: What if I smack my head on the concrete?","Ross: Well, I'm not gonna lie to you Joey, it's a possibility.","Joey: (looks at the ground and at Ross) I don't know Ross! I-I tell you what, let's flip to see who does it, okay? You-you call it in the air, all right?","Ross: Oh, all right. (Joey flips the coin.) Tails! (The coin bounces off of the landing above them and falls to the ground.) Can you-can you see what it is?","Joey: No.","Ross: Okay. Well, you be careful.","Joey: What? No! No Ross! No-no! Stop! I'm not jumping! Okay, look I have an audition tomorrow and I can't go if I break my leg.","Ross: Well I'm not jumping! I have a son! Okay? He won't have a father if-if I die!","Joey: Well all right so, it looks like we're even!","[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe is still investigating the smoke detector trying to figure out how to stop the beeping.]","Phoebe: Okay. So, this wire is connected to this wire which plugs into here. (She points at each as she says it.) Okay so, to get the beeping to stop all I have to do... (She picks up a shoe and proceeds to pummel the smoke detector. She then gets up and heads to bed, stops, quickly turns around, and is satisfied that the beeping has stopped.) Well done, Pheebs. (She resumes her trek to bed, but is stopped at the entrance to the hallway by the now steady and extremely loud tone emanating from the smoke detector.) (Yelling.) What do you want from me?!!!!!!!","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, Monica is entering with a mug.]","Monica: Okay, here's your milk. What do you want to talk about? (She sees that Chandler has fallen asleep and slams the door loudly to wake him up.)","Chandler: (startled) What? What? What?","Monica: Ohh! Ohhhh! Were you sleeping sweetie? I'm sorry. Here. (Hands the mug of milk to him.)","[Scene: Rachel's Outer Office, Tag and her are arriving.]","Tag: Okay! Feel free to look, but I'm telling you those contracts are not on this desk.","Rachel: Oh how can you possibly know? Look at this mess, Tag! I mean, this is what I'm talking about! You have to be organized! You've got newspapers! You've got magazines! You got-Ohh! (Finds a picture.) And who is this chippy? A little young for you Tag, but whatever.","Tag: It's my sister.","Rachel: Okay, very cute braces. Anyway y'know what, the point is Tag, start looking because you are going to find those contracts on your desk. (She goes into her office.)","Tag: So when do you imagine you gave them to me? In the morning or in the afternoon?","Rachel: In the afternoon. Mr. Zelner came into my office after lunch. He put them on my desk, and then I put a Post-It on it (Looks down onto her desk and finds the folder with the Post-It on it that contains the contracts she imagined she gave Tag) that said, \"Must go out today.\" So you just keep looking in there! All right?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Rachel's outer office, Tag has finished searching his desk and Rachel comes out to try to plant the folder on the desk.]","Tag: It's not here.","Rachel: Puzzler. A bit of a puzzle. Why don't you um, check the copy room, maybe you left the contracts in there?","Tag: How could I have left them in the copy room?","Rachel: I don't know Tag! How can your genitals make phone calls? Okay? It's not a perfect world! Just go please.","Tag: Fine.","Rachel: Thank you. (He leaves and she proceeds to plant the folder in his bottom drawer. She then picks up the phone and holds it to her breasts.) Hello? (Hangs up the phone.) I still don't get it.","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, Chandler has his eyes closed, while Monica is fully awake.]","Monica: Are you still awake?","Chandler: Yeah! You?","Monica: You do know that was me who just said that right? (He doesn't respond and she turns on the light, waking him.) Hey. As long as we're both up...","Chandler: (intrigued) Yeah? (Monica nods yes.) I hope you're not thinking about cleaning the living room.","[Scene: The fire escape, Joey and Ross are still trying to figure out how to get down.]","Joey: Man, I'm starving! What the hell was I thinking at dinner?! \"Do you want soup or salad?\" Both! Always order both!","Ross: (looking in the window behind them) Y'know, y'know I'm lookin' and I don't think anyone's home here. I say we just break the window, crawl through, and-and y'know explain later.","Joey: Yeah? Really? No one's home?","Ross: I don't think so. Hello? (Knocks on the glass, which angers the big, large, angry dog behind the glass and causes them to jump to the other side of the landing.) When you get in there... (Joey nods his disapproval.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Phoebe's apartment building, in desperation she has wrapped up the smoke detector in a blanket and is going to throw it into the trash chute.]","Phoebe: Okay, this is where you and I part ways. (She drops the blanket into the chute.) Noisy bitch!","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, Chandler is turning on the light to awaken a now sleeping Monica.]","Monica: What?! What are you doing?!","Chandler: Do you know what just happened?","Monica: Yeah. We-we had s*x and then we fell asleep.","Chandler: No. We were in the middle of s*x...and you fell asleep.","Monica: Nooo! No, that's not true. No, best time ever! Yeah, you rocked my world! (She turns out the light to go back to sleep.)","Chandler: (turning the light back on) Monica?","Monica: What?!","Chandler: I was giving you some of my best moves, and you missed it. So please wake up so we can do it right!","Monica: Okay. Okay, I'm ready. Come on big fella!","Chandler: Okay.","Monica: Give me the good stuff.","Chandler: Yeah! (Monica falls asleep) No! No! No! Don't fall asleep! Okay, I am going to make you some coffee. (Monica doesn't move as he gets out of bed and as he's heading for the door.) And I probably won't spill coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor.","Monica: Okay, I'm up! I'm up!","[Scene: Rachel's outer office, she's returning with two coffee cups in hand to find Tag sitting there.]","Rachel: Hi! I got you some coffee. To, uh... (She looks for a place to set it on his messy desk and he clears a spot for her to set it down.) ...fair enough. So! Do you got anything for me?","Tag: Still no luck.","Rachel: Oh my God! Did you check your entire desk! Did you check all the drawers!","Tag: Do you want me to check again?","Rachel: Well yeah, I wish that you would. (He opens the top drawer.) Well, no it's not in there! (Closes it.) How about that drawer? (She points to the bottom one and he opens it. She doesn't see the folder she planted and bends over to check.)","Tag: Well, it's not out here. Is there any chance it could be in your office?","Rachel: (thinks) Y'know, I don't-I don't know. Let me, let me check. (As she heads for her office, she stops glances over her shoulder at Tag, looks into her office, and finds the folder on her desk.)","Tag: (smirking) Any luck?","Rachel: Can I see you in my office for a minute?","Tag: (entering) Yeah? (She holds up the folder) You found them!! (Rachel is not amused, because she's still going to try to blame him for her mistake like every 'good' boss.) Y'know what? I'm not even going to gloat. I'm just really relieved this whole thing is over.","Rachel: You put these on my desk!","Tag: I did not!","Rachel: Oh really? So you're saying they just slid out of your bottom drawer, crawled across the floor, then jumped on to my desk?! (I think Dogbert should have a line here.)","Tag: How did you know they were in my bottom drawer?","Rachel: (pause as she realizes her lame attempt to shift the blame has failed) I am so hot for you right now.","[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, there is someone pounding on the door and Phoebe sleepily walks over and answers it. As she nears the door, the pounding stops and she can hear the smoke detector's wail.]","Phoebe: Oh my God! How did you get back here?!","A Disembodied Voice: (yelling through the door) Phoebe Buffay?!","Phoebe: (scared) Fire alarm? (She opens the door to reveal a fireman holding the blanket with the smoke detector.) Oh! Hi, officer-fireman, can-can I help you?","The Fireman: We found your fire alarm in the trash chute.","Phoebe: That's not mine.","The Fireman: Yes it is.","Phoebe: How do you know?","The Fireman: The next time you want to dump a fire alarm in a trash chute, don't wrap it in a blanket that says, \"Property of Phoebe Buffay not Monica.\"","Phoebe: Okay do you-Okay, do you have a search warrant? Because the last time I checked this was still America!","The Fireman: Please reattach this, it's against the law to disconnect them.","Phoebe: Fine! (She takes the blanket.) But please God; tell me how to stop them from going off!","The Fireman: There's a reset button under the plastic cover.","Phoebe: There's a reset button?! Ugh, thank you! Thank you! (He exits and she goes to shut it off.) There's a reset button! My God! Why didn't I see that! (She takes off the plastic cover and looks for the button.) Reset button, reset button, where is there a reset button? (Finds it.) Oh here it is! (Picks it up off of the floor.) Oh! (She presses it hard, but of course it would help if the button was still attached to the detector. In frustration she presses it so hard it causes pain in her thumb.) Ohh, God!","[Scene: The fire escape, Joey is now hanging off of the bottom rung of the ladder that won't move and Ross is watching from above.]","Ross: Okay, do-do you have a good grip?","Joey: Yeah!","Ross: Okay, I'm going to start climb down you now.","Joey: All right! Just hurry up!","Ross: Okay. Now-now-now should I climb down your front so we're face to face or-or should I climb down your back so we're-we're butt to face.","Joey: I think face to face.","Ross: I would say that.","Joey: Face to face, yeah!","Ross: Okay, here I go.","Joey: All right.","(Ross steps onto the bottom rung of the ladder and then steps on Joey's chest.)","Joey: (grunting) Oh my... How much do you weigh Ross?!","Ross: I prefer not to answer that right now, I'm still carrying a little holiday weight.","(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joey's torso, but that doesn't work very well and he's forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Ross's crotch.)","Joey: Y'know, when we talked about face to face, I don't think we thought it all the way through.","Ross: So what do you want me to do?","Joey: Well, just shimmy down me and drop!","(Ross continues his trek south, and when they get face to face.)","Ross: Hi.","Joey: Hi.","Ross: (looking down) M-maybe I should hang and you can climb down me.","Joey: (angrily) Yeah? Maybe we should talk about that for a little while!","Ross: It's still looks pretty far!","Joey: It's not that far! Just drop!","Ross: Do not rush me!!","(Ross continues south and his now wrapped around Joey's legs.)","Joey: Ross, you should know that my pants are startin' to come down and I'm not wearing any underwear!","(Ross panics and falls off, dropping to the ground with a huge crash.)","Ross: Oww!! My ankle! I really hurt my ankle! I think I twisted it when I-Ooh, a quarter!","Ending Credits","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, they're cuddling.]","Monica: That really was some of your best work.","Chandler: Hm-hmm, I told you! (Looks at the clock) I can't believe that I've only got two hours before I call in sick for work.","Monica: I have to be up in seven minutes.","Chandler: Well, you're not gonna believe this, but if you have seven minutes...","Monica: Really?!","Chandler: Do you wanna?","Monica: Okay! You get the vacuum cleaner and I'll get the furniture polish!","(She runs off leaving a stunned Chandler behind.)"],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"07x12","Episode Title":"The One Where They\u2019re Up All Night","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_07x17.json","Recap":["Monica beats another bride-to-be in a fight over a discounted wedding dress; however she is forced to relinquish her prize after the other bride-to-be books Chandler's favorite band on the same day as her wedding as ransom for the dress. Joey and Ross meet a girl ( Gabrielle Union ) then go to drastic measures to win her."],"Transcript":["Teleplay by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen","Story by: Brian Buckner & Sebastian Jones","[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there. Monica is holding a piece of paper.]","Monica: So the wedding caterer sent me this list of twelve appetizers and I have to narrow it down to six.","Joey: Food? Uh-huh gimme! (She hands him the paper.)","Chandler: So did Monica tell you about this great band called the Swing Kings that we're trying to get to play at the wedding?","Phoebe: Since when are you into swing music?","Chandler: Oh since forever! I used to go all over town listening to bands!","Monica: Chandler.","Chandler: Gap commercial. (To Monica) So did you book them? Did you call?","Monica: I will.","Chandler: Do you want me to call?","Monica: No, I'll do it. You just stick to your job.","Phoebe: What is your job?","Chandler: Staying out of the way.","Joey: This is impossible Monica, why don't you just pick all 15? (Hands back the paper.)","Monica: There were only twelve.","Joey: Oh yeah, I added three.","Monica: What are peanut butter fingers?!","Joey: Oh yeah... (He mimes sticking his fingers into a jar of peanut butter, scooping some out, and eating it off his fingers.)","Opening Credits","[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Ross are at a newsstand.]","Ross: (noticing a beautiful woman moving in down the street) Well hello! She's cute! Should we uh, go try to talk to her?","Chandler: Sure! That's one of the great things about being engaged. I'm not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore.","The Woman: Could you guys help me? (Chandler shyly exhales and looks away.)","Ross: Uh yeah! Let me, let me get that for you.","The Woman: It-it's really heavy.","Ross: (exhales) I got it. (He lifts the box and grunts under the strain.) (Calmly) So hi, I'm uh, I'm Ross and this is my friend Chandler. (He shyly waves.)","The Woman: I-I am Kristen.","Ross: Kristen, hi. Are you uh, new to the area, 'cause if you are...I'd love to show you around sometime.","Kristen: I...I uh, actually just moved from four blocks over.","Ross: Ah.","Kristen: But-but this block is like a whole other world.","Ross: Y'know actually it does have a very interesting history. Uh, this street is the first street in the city to have an underground sewer system. (Kristen crinkles her nose at that.) Before that sewage and waste would just flow right down the street. Yeah, sometimes ankle deep! (He stops when he realizes what he's talking about.)","Chandler: (To Ross) Smooth.","Kristen: (To Chandler) Excuse me? (Chandler does the shy thing again.)","Ross: Umm, say you're gonna be starving after all this moving. What do you say I take you to dinner tonight?","Kristen: Oh I'd like that.","Ross: Yeah?","Kristen: Yeah.","Ross: Great! Uh, let me take this up for you. (The box he's holding.)","Kristen: After you.","Ross: Oh no-no, after you. (She grabs a chair and heads upstairs.) (When she's gone.) Oh my God! (He drops the box and Chandler can't pick it up.)","[Scene: A Bridal Shop, Phoebe and Rachel are waiting for Monica who is trying on her wedding dress.]","Phoebe: (wearing a veil) Am I crazy or does this totally go?!","(Monica enters from the dressing room wearing her gown.)","Rachel: Oh my God! You look so beautiful!","Phoebe: (To Rachel) Thank you Rachel but, look at Monica!","Monica: This is it. Yeah, this is the one. I can't believe I found it!","(Another woman walks up.)","The Woman: Wow you look so beautiful! If I knew you, I'd cry.","Monica: Well I'm Monica Geller, ball like a baby.","The Woman: I'm Megan Bailey.","Monica: Have you found your dress yet?","Megan: Oh no, these dresses are all so amazing but there is no way I could afford one.","Monica: No, I can't afford this either. No. I-I-I'm, I'm just here to figure out which one I want then I'm gonna get it at Kleinman's, this discount place in Brooklyn, day after tomorrow they are having a huge sale.","Megan: Oh, thanks for the tip.","Monica: Yeah! So-so when are you getting married?","Megan: Oh I'm not, I just like to try these on.","Rachel: I do the same thing.","Megan: I'm just kidding. I'm getting married July 25th.","Rachel: I'm just kidding too. (Laughs) I'm getting married in December. (Turns away not happy with herself.)","Megan: (To Monica) So when are you getting married?","Monica: Oh May 15th.","Megan: Oooh it's getting close!","Monica: Yeah!","Megan: So uh, who's your photographer?","Monica: Jeffery.","Megan: We met with him. Did he show you the photos of the nude wedding he did?","Monica: The best man? Wow!","Megan: I know! I almost called off my wedding. Oh, who's your band?!","Monica: Oh, my fiancee wants the Swing Kings.","Megan: Oh, you're so lucky. My fiancee wants the heavy metal band Carcass.","Phoebe: Ooh, is that spelled with a 'C' or a 'K'? Oh my God! It doesn't matter; they're both great!","(Another woman walks past Rachel carrying a wedding dress.)","Rachel: Oh y'know what? Y'know what? Now that you know what you want you should go to Kleinman's and get it half off. This place is so overpriced.","The Woman: I own this store.","Rachel: So, does this (the dress) come in another color or... (The store owner walks away.)","[Scene: A Street, Joey is walking by Kristen, who is still moving in.]","Joey: (checking her out) Hi! You uh, movin' in or movin' out?","Kristen: I'm moving in.","Joey: Oh uh, can I give you a hand?","Kristen: Oh okay. But y'know what? Be careful. Because a guy who was helping me before had to leave because he hurt his back.","Joey: Boyfriend?","Kristen: No.","Joey: I'm Joey. (They shake hands.)","Kristen: Kristen.","Joey: Oh wow, what a beautiful name! (Pause) What is it again?","Kristen: Kristen.","Joey: Got it! (He picks up a lamp.) So...","Kristen: So uh, do you live around here?","Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Right down there. (Points.) Hey listen; let me give you a little tip. Do not take a nap on this stoop (Points to hers) or you can wake up with your shoes gone.","Kristen: I'll remember that.","Joey: Okay. Yeah. Listen would you uh, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?","Kristen: Oh I, I have plans tonight.","Joey: Oh.","Kristen: But how about tomorrow?","Joey: Sounds great! Okay, alright, well where does this go? (The lamp he's holding.)","Kristen: You look strong, why don't I take that and you grab one of the boxes.","Joey: Okay. Yeah. (She leaves and he goes to pick up a box marked books, but decides to take the box marked pillows instead.) Yeah, I'll grab this one. (He follows her upstairs.)","[Scene: Kleinman's, a horde of women including Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica are waiting for the store to open.]","A Woman: What is taking so long?! I mean whatever!","Rachel: (To Phoebe) So this is Brooklyn.","Monica: All right, listen up. There is usually only one dress in each size so when they open those doors, fan out. Now, this is what you're looking for! (Holds up a picture of it.) Memorize it! When you locate the dress, blow on these. All right? (She passes out whistles to them.) Three short blasts. When you hear it, come running.","Rachel: Okay.","Phoebe: Got it.","Monica: All right.","(A worker comes to open the door and the horde starts to press forward.)","A Woman: Here he comes! Hurry!","Rachel: Oh they're pushing! They're pushing!!","Monica: (To Rachel) Hey! Don't be a baby!","Rachel: Well I...","(The door opens allowing the horde to charge in, knocking Rachel out of the way and to the ground.)","A Woman: Let's go!!","Phoebe: (coming back out) Hey! Rachel! Come on!!!!","[Time lapse, inside the store, Monica is frantically looking for her dress.]","Monica: No. No. Not it. Not it. Not it. (Checks another rack and another woman tries to reach around her.) (To the woman) Don't crowd me! (Finds it) This is it! This is the dress! Oh my God, it's perfect! (She takes it off of the rack and someone has a hold of it on the other side of the rack and tugs on it.) I'm sorry, this one's taken! (The other woman tugs harder pulling Monica through the rack.) Whoa!","Monica: Megan!","Megan: Monica!","Monica: You came?!","Megan: Yeah!","Monica: This is my dress!","Megan: No!","Monica: Yes it is! You saw me wearing it!","Megan: And now you'll see me buying it.","Monica: What? You freak! You wouldn't even have known about this place if it wasn't for me!","Megan: Look, you don't want to fight me.","Monica: Maybe I do! I'm pretty feisty! (She blows the signal.)","[Cut to Phoebe in another part of the store.]","Phoebe: (hearing the signal) I'm coming! I'm coming! (She takes off towards the signal and almost knocks another woman over.)","Woman: Hey!","(She hears another signal in another direction.)","Phoebe: Okay! (Runs that way and hears another whistle blast.) Hey! (Heads the other way and hears another blast.) What do I do?!! (She runs in the second direction and finds that the whistling is coming from inside a rack. She moves the dresses out of the way to find Rachel curled up in a fetal position frantically blowing on the whistle.) What are you doing? (Rachel doesn't stop.) Did you find the dress? (Rachel won't stop so Phoebe pinches her nose shut which causes her to spit the whistle out.)","Phoebe: Did you find the dress?","Rachel: No! You gotta get me out of here Phoebe! These bargain shoppers are crazy!","Phoebe: I-We gotta get Monica. (She starts to leave.)","Rachel: No! You gotta hold my hand!!","Phoebe: Oh my God!! (She grabs Rachel's hand and drags her towards Monica.) Excuse me! Excuse me! (She's knocking women and veils out of the way as she moves.)","(She gets to Monica who has the dress balled up in one hand and is sitting on Megan who is sprawled out on the floor.)","Monica: (handing Phoebe the dress) Go! Go! Go!","Rachel: (seeing who's trapped) Hey...","Monica: NOW!!!!!!!! (Rachel runs off and Monica gets up to follow her.)","[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there.]","Chandler: So Ross, how was your date the other night? Did you tell her about the magical ride that starts with the flush of every toilet?","Ross: Laugh all you want but uh, she actually left me a message saying she'd like to go out again.","Chandler: Huh.","Ross: Yeah in fact, I'm gonna go call her right now. And I'll make sure to tell her my friend Chandler says... (He mimics the shy reaction Chandler did.)","Joey: (entering) Hey Chandler!","Chandler: Hey!","Joey: Listen, sorry I didn't stop by last night but I had a date.","Chandler: Uh Joe, when it's one o'clock in the morning and you don't come by? That's okay!","Joey: Well check it out, I was with this really hot girl who just moved in right across the street!","Chandler: Really? Right across the street?","Joey: Yeah!","Chandler: When'd you meet her?","Joey: Two days ago.","Chandler: Excellent! Y'know Ross met somebody too!","Joey: Oh yeah?","Ross: (returning) Hey.","Chandler: Hi! How'd it go?","Ross: Oh great! We're going out again Saturday. But I just found she's also seeing some other guy.","Chandler: (sarcastically shocked) Really?! Joe? What would you do if you were in Ross's situation?","Joey: Well, I sorta am. I mean yeah, I'm dating this girl who's also seeing another guy. But, I don't know, I'm not too worried about it.","Ross: Well you shouldn't be. Believe me I wouldn't want to be the guy who's up against you. (Chandler laughs.) I mean that doofus is going to lose!","Chandler: So this is nice! I wish I didn't have to go, believe me! But unfortunately I have to. (He gets up and Joey moves over next to Ross.) Oh uh, by the way, what's the name of the girl you're dating?","Joey and Ross: Kristen Lang.","Chandler: Bye! (Exits.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse from the earlier scene.]","Ross: Well obviously only one of us can keep dating her.","Joey: Obviously! So, how do we decide?","Ross: Well now let's-let's look at this objectively, I think I should date her...","Joey: (not buying it) Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Or, or I'm the one who dates her.","Ross: That's interesting, but check this out. I date her...","Joey: Yeah-yeah I like that but just to go in another direction...","Ross: Okay, okay. This can go on for a while.","Joey: Yeah well we should order some food then.","Ross: No Joey! Look why don't, why don't we just let her decide? Okay? Hey-hey, we'll each go out with her one more time. And-and we'll see who she likes best.","Joey: (smiling) That sounds fair.","Ross: Maybe I'll take her to that new French restaurant down the street...","Joey: Ah yeah-wait a second now! Look we're gonna have to set a spending limit on the date. I don't have the money to take her to a fancy place like that.","Ross: Well sorry, that's what I do on dates.","Joey: All right, well I guess I'll just have to do what I do on dates.","Ross: So let's decide on the spending limit...","Joey: Yeah. Uh, (thinks)...a slice...(Thinks)...six dollars?","Ross: I was thinking more like a hundred.","Joey: Okay. Can I borrow 94 dollars?","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are admiring Monica's wedding dress.]","Monica: Oh...","Phoebe: I know. Hand me a tissue. (Monica hands her one.)","(Rachel goes to the fridge, opens it, and blows on the whistle Monica gave her at the store, which causes Phoebe and Monica to turn around and look at her.)","Rachel: You're out of Diet Coke.","(The phone rings and Monica answers it as Rachel goes into the bathroom.)","Monica: Hello? (Listens) What?! (Listens) You what?! (Listens) Hey you listen here missy! (Listens) Wh-(She is hung up on.)","Phoebe: What?!","Monica: That was that girl Megan! She booked the Swing Kings on the day of our wedding and said that I couldn't have them back unless I gave her the dress!","Phoebe: (gasps) Does that mean Carcass is available?","Monica: What am I gonna do?! That is the dress! That is the dress! Wh...Chandler wants the band. What do I do?","Phoebe: Well just figure out a way to talk him out of it.","Monica: How?","(There are three short whistle blasts from the bathroom.)","Rachel: You're out of toilet paper!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is getting ready for his date with Kristen.]","Joey: (entering) Hey!","Ross: Hey! What's up?","Joey: I just wanted to come by and y'know, wish you good luck on your date.","Ross: Oh thanks!","Joey: Yeah. What time are you meeting her?","Ross: We have 8:00 reservations at Gramercy Bistro.","Joey: Wow, that's in like 20 minutes. You'd better get dressed.","Ross: I am dressed.","Joey: Oh. Well good! (To himself) For me. (He picks up a jar of lotion.) What is this? Did you give yourself a facial?","Ross: I have an oily T-zone!","Joey: Okay dude! (Finds a receipt.) Hey you uh, you sent Kristen flowers.","Ross: That's right.","Joey: You spent a hundred dollars. That's the limit. You're screwed!","Ross: Uh actually, I sent the flowers before the actual date. So technically, technically I didn't break any rules. Thanks for stopping by though.","Joey: Oh-oh! So that's the way it's gonna be huh? Yeah I can break the rules too y'know!","Ross: Oh yeah? What are you gonna do?","Joey: I don't know.","Ross: Why am I not surprised?","Joey: Y'know what Ross? I'm not gonna let you get away with this!","Ross: I don't think you have much choice.","Joey: Well we'll see!","Ross: Bye-bye!","Joey: Yeah bye-bye! (Exits and comes back in still holding the lotion.) Hey! So just a light layer?","Ross: Yes. Yes. Just here (Runs his fingers down the bridge of his nose) and there (Runs his fingers across his forehead).","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is entering without touching anything with his hands. Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are there.]","Chandler: Joey got meat sauce on the banister again! (He goes into the bathroom to wash his hands.)","Phoebe: Yeah, swing music is so out.","Monica: Phoebe, he's gotta be in the room for that to work.","Chandler: (returning) What are you guys talking about?","Monica: Well umm, we were just talking about the y'know, the Swing Kings and just wondering whether y'know, they were the right way to go.","Rachel: Yeah, I went to a wedding once where they had swing music and uh, two months later the couple got divorced. And now I'm not saying that there's any connection here y'know, but they did tell me that's why they got divorced.","Chandler: But I love swing music!","Phoebe: Yeah but the Swing Kings? Y'know they suck so much that people actually die at their concerts-They just stop living.","Chandler: Look all I know is when Monica and I went to see them, we had fun! And there's another reason too.","Rachel: Well, what is the other reason?","Chandler: I don't want to say.","Rachel: Well you have to because maybe it's stupid.","Chandler: Well it's just while Monica and I were dancing to them it was...the first time I knew that...you were the woman I wanted to dance all my dances with.","Monica: Oh crap!","[Scene: Gramercy Bistro, Ross and Kristen are waiting for their table to be ready. Ross is returning from talking to the Maitre d'.]","Ross: So they said our table will be ready in just a few minutes.","Kristen: Oh great!","Ross: Yeah.","Kristen: Is your back feeling better?","Ross: Oh yeah it's fine. I guess the more muscles you have the more they can spasm out of control.","Joey: (entering) Kristen?","Kristen: Joey!","Joey: Hi!","Kristen: Hi! What are you doing here?","Joey: Oh I like this place. And technically, technically I'm not breaking any rules so I...","Kristen: Well uh, Ross? This is Joey. Joey? Ross.","Joey: Hi!","Ross: Hi. (They shake hands.) It's nice to meet you. I used to have a friend named Joey. I don't anymore.","Kristen: Our table will be ready in a couple minutes.","Ross: Yeah. So...","Joey: Sure! I would love to wait with you guys! Thanks! (Sits down.)","Ross: So Joey umm, you look familiar. Are uh, are you on TV or something?","Kristen: Well Joey doesn't like to talk about it but, he's one of the stars of Days Of Our Lives.","Ross: That's right! That's right, don't you play a woman?","Joey: A woman in a man's body.","Ross: Much better.","Joey: So y'know Ross it's funny 'cause, you look familiar to me too. Have you ever been married?","Ross: Well yes, yes I have. In fact umm, just the other day Kristen and I were talking about how I've been married and how I have a son.","Kristen: Yeah, little Eric.","Ross: That's right! Wait no, Ben.","Joey: So you've just married the one time then?","Ross: Well umm...","Kristen: You've been married twice?","Ross: Yes. And another time after that. Boy I'm getting hungry! Hey Joey, have you ever been so hungry on a date that when a girl goes to the bathroom you ate some of her food?","Kristen: You said the waiter ate my crab cake.","Joey: (laughs that one off) Yeah. So uh Ross, well now-why did that first marriage breakup? Was it because the woman was straight or she was a lesbian?","Kristen: Do you two know each other?","Joey and Ross: No. No.","Joey: No. It just seems like Ross is the kind of a guy that would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.","(Kristen is not enjoying this.)","Ross: Wait a minute! Were you on a poster for gonorrhea?","Joey: Have you ever slept in the same bed as a monkey?!","Ross: Hey you leave Marcel out of this!","Joey: Fine! Have you ever got stuck in a pair of your own leather pants?!","Ross: Hey-hey have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet VD boy?!","Joey: Monkey lover!","(They both notice that Kristen has left.)","Joey: When do you think we lost her?","Ross: Probably around gonorrhea.","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is entering.]","Chandler: Hi, honey! I'm home!","Monica: (from the bedroom) Don't come in here!","Chandler: Why? Do you have another boyfriend in there or something?","Monica: No! We only mess around at his place!","Chandler: Y'know it's funny I started it but, now it's scaring me. So could you come out here please?","Monica: No, I'm wearing a wedding dress.","Chandler: Oh you got a wedding dress? That's great!","Monica: Yeah but I'm not keeping it.","Chandler: Well then why can't I see it?","Monica: Oh. I guess you can. Okay but; I-I have to return it, so you can't like it.","Chandler: Okay I promise. I'll-I'll hate it. (She enters.) Wow! You-you look...hideous.","Monica: Really?","Chandler: Yeah, that's like the most ugliest dress I've ever seen. Wh-why do you have to return it?","Monica: Oh because it doesn't...really fit. Oh by the way, I-I booked the Swing Kings.","Chandler: Oh that's great! Great! Thanks! But that dress I mean it's like yuck! It's terrible! It makes me wanna just rip it right off of you!","Monica: Okay! But you can't rip it. Well, maybe a little.","Chandler: Okay!","Ending Credits","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are watching a basketball game on the couch.]","Monica: (entering) Hey guys! Do you wanna look at the song list for the wedding? (They ignore her.) Guys?","Chandler: (without turning around) I thought you were gonna be gone all day.","Monica: Alright, what's going on?","(They all slowly turn around to reveal that they are giving themselves a facial.)","Monica: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I should probably leave you girls alone. (She heads for the bedroom.)","Ross: Yeah, laugh all you want but in ten minutes we're gonna have younger looking skin!","Joey: Yeah! (Monica goes in the bedroom.) Y'know, she could use a little...(Whistles that she needs to do what they're doing.) (Something happens on the game.) Oh nice shot!!! (They all cheer.)"],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"07x17","Episode Title":"The One With The Cheap Wedding Dress","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_07x23.json","Recap":["Joey gets a part in a movie and learns the art of enunciation (and therein spitting) from his famous co-star ( Gary Oldman ). He discovers he has work on the day he is officiating Monica and Chandler's wedding. Chandler's fear of commitment overtakes him and he runs away before the wedding. Phoebe finds a positive pregnancy test in Monica's bathroom trash, and assumes it is hers. Joey is relieved he only has to shoot one scene before he can leave for the wedding, but when his co-star turns up drunk, Joey may not make it to the ceremony. Chandler is found but, upon overhearing Phoebe and Rachel discussing Monica's assumed pregnancy, disappears again. Luckily he turns up again, accepting becoming a father. Joey arrives in time to perform the ceremony, still wearing his WWI movie costume. Monica and Chandler become husband and wife, marrying to the tune of the song \" Everlong \" by Foo Fighters . In the end, it is revealed (to the audience) that the pregnancy test was Rachel's."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]","Monica: Do you realize this is probably the last time we'll all be here in the coffee house as six single people?","Phoebe: Why?! What's happening to the coffee house?! (Monica looks at her.) Oh! (Realizes.)","Chandler: Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the mrs. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.","Monica: Old?","Chandler: The young hot ball and chain.","Monica: That's much better.","Rachel: (checking her watch) Op! We gotta go! (The girls stand up.)","Ross: Oh, where are you guys going?","Monica: We're gonna pick up the wedding dress, then we're gonna have lunch with mom. (Joey stands up.)","Ross: Ah. Joey, you're-you're having lunch with my mom?","Joey: No, I-I just heard lunch. But yeah, I can go. Sure! (They all exit.)","Ross: (To Chandler) Y'know what? Actually I'm kinda glad they're leaving 'cause uh, I need to talk to you about something.","Chandler: What's up?","Ross: Well this uh, this may be a little awkward.","Chandler: Listen, if you want to borrow money, its kind of a bad time. I'm buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.","Ross: No, its...Its not that. Umm, now what I'm going to say to you, I'm not saying as your friend. Okay? I'm-I'm saying as it as Monica's older brother.","Chandler: But you're still my friend?","Ross: Not for the next few minutes.","Chandler: During this time...are you, are you still my best man?","Ross: Nope.","Chandler: Do I still call you Ross?","Ross: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldn't be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monica's older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What? I'm-I'm-I'm serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) Come-Hey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? I'm-I'm not kidding here!","Chandler: (smiling) Hey, I hear what your saying, okay? And, thanks for the warning.","Ross: No problem.","Chandler: So are we...friends again?","Ross: Yeah.","Chandler: Okay. (Pause) You won't believe what Monica's older brother just said to me!","Opening Credits","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the girls are having breakfast.]","Rachel: What'cha doing Mon?","Monica: I'm making a list of all the things that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. Now, that way I can be prepared.","Phoebe: What are they?","Monica: Well, so far I have uh, my bridesmaids' dresses won't get picked up, my veil gets lost, or I don't have my something blue.","Rachel: Hey! Those are all the things I'm responsible for!","Monica: I had to go with the odds Rach.","Joey: (entering) Hey! You guys! Remember that audition I had a while ago and didn't get the part?","Rachel: The commercial?","Joey: No!","Phoebe: That play?","Joey: No!","Monica: That other play?","Joey: Nooo!","Phoebe: The movie?","Joey: Yes!!","Phoebe: Ohh!","Joey: Yes, that's the one about the soldiers who fight in World War I!","Phoebe: Oh, yeah! Back then y'know, we called it the Great War. It really was!","Joey: Well anyway, the guy they wanted backed out and now they want me! I start shooting today!","Phoebe: Congratulations!","Rachel: Oh that's great!","Monica: Wait! Wait! Wait! You can't start today! Today's the rehearsal dinner!","Joey: Oh no, I'll be done by then.","Monica: Oh. Well then way to go, you big movie star!","Joey: I know! All right, I'll see you guys over there! I'm off to fight the Nazis.","Rachel: Oh, wait Joey! We fought the Nazis in World War II, not World War I.","Joey: Whoa! Okay. Yeah well, who-who was in World War I? (Rachel pauses as she thinks.)","Phoebe: Go ahead.","Rachel: You're gonna be late! Go! Go! (He runs out.)","Monica: Who did we fight in World War I?","Rachel: Mexico?","Phoebe: Yes! Very good.","[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, Joey is in costume and standing at the craft services table. He checks his pockets and finds some prop coins in a pouch, which he replaces with some cookies.]","The Assistant Director: (approaching) Hey Joey! We're ready.","Joey: Yeah! Me too. (He pats his pocket.)","The Assistant Director: (to another actor) Richard? We're ready for you. (Richard approaches.) Joey Tribbiani? This is Richard Crosby, he's playing Vincent.","Joey: I'm doing my scenes with you?","Richard: Nice to meet you Joey.","Joey: Wow! I can't believe this! This is incredible. I mean you just won an Oscar!","Richard: No I didn't.","Joey: I think you did.","Richard: I think I lost. Three times.","Joey: Uh...Cookie?","The Director: (approaching) Okay! We're about an hour away from getting the scene lit. So uh, if you guys don't mind, can we run it a couple of times?","Richard: Yeah, sure.","The Director: Okay, all right. Let's do it. (He walks off.) And...Action!","Joey: We have to find the rest of the platoon!","Richard: Forget the platoon! The platoon is gone! (He is spitting on the hard Ps and Ts.)","Joey: (wiping his face) What?!","Richard: (still spitting) The platoon is dead! Face facts Tony!","Joey: (wipes face) So what are we gonna do?! We have no reinforcements! No-no food!","Richard: No, we still have food in the basement! I saw potatoes and some dry pasta!","(Joey wipes his eye.)","The Director: Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong?","Joey: (glances at Richard) No. Nope, I uh...I th-I thought it might be kind of a cool character thing. Y'know? He's uh, he's a face toucher. (Behind his back, Richard is nodding no.)","The Director: I don't think so. Let's take it back to Richard's last line. (Walks off.) Action!","Richard: We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna! (Joey backs away and wipes his face again.)","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is standing in the kitchen ready to leave for the rehearsal dinner.]","Monica: Honey, we gotta go!","Chandler: (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Here's a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.","Monica: (laughs) I don't have anything like that, but let me go see if Rachel does.","Chandler: Yes, include more people in this.","Monica: Hey, do you realize that at this time tomorrow we'll be getting married?","Chandler: Wait a minute! I have a date tomorrow night.","Monica: I just, I can't believe that we made it!","Chandler: Well you don't have to sound so surprised.","Monica: I'm sorry but...nothing.","Chandler: What?","Monica: Well...honestly ever since we got engaged I have been waiting for something to.. to flip you out.","Chandler: Honestly? Me too.","Monica: Really?","Chandler: Yeah. Y'know I keep thinking that something stupid is gonna come up and I'll go all...Chandler. But nothing has.","Monica: Ohh, I'm so glad. Thank you so much for staying so calm during this. I mean it's really, it's made me stay calm. (Chandler just looks at her.) I coulda been worse!","Chandler: Okay. I'll be right there.","(She exits and as Chandler picks up his coat, the phone rings and the answering machine gets it.)","Monica: (voice on answering machine) Hi! If you're calling before Saturday, you've reached Monica and Chandler. But if you're calling after Saturday, you've reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing! Please leave a message for the Bings!","(Chandler freaks out and loosens his tie.)","[Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner, Chandler and Monica are greeting guests as they arrive. A woman enters.]","Monica: Hey Maureen! (They hug.) Gosh! Hey uh, Chandler? This is my cousin Maureen.","Chandler: We're the Bings.","(Phoebe and Rachel walk up.)","Rachel: Hi! Oh you guys look so beautiful!","Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Bing! (Walks away.)","Ross: (walks up) Wow Monica! Hey, just so you know I had my uh, older brother chat with Chandler.","Monica: What is that?","Ross: Well I...I told him that if he ever hurt you I would hunt him down and kick his ass! (The girls all laugh.) What?! What?! What is the matter with everybody?! I am serious! I would kick his ass! (The laugh harder.)","Phoebe: Ross, please! My make-up! (He walks away angrily.)","(Chandler's Mom enters and Chandler meets her by the door.)","Chandler: Hi.","Mrs. Bing: Chandler!","Chandler: Mom. Thanks for wearing something. (They hug.) (She's wearing a tight dress with a lot of cleavage showing.)","Mrs. Bing: Oh honey! This is so exciting! I thought we screwed you up so bad this day would never come. Oh and just think. Soon there'll be lots of little Bings. (He freaks out and loosens the tie again.)","(Monica and her parents walk up.)","Monica: Mrs. Bing? Here, these are my parents umm, Judy and Jack Geller.","Mrs. Geller: (shaking her hand) It's lovely to meet you.","Mr. Geller: (shaking her hand) So are you his mother or his father?","Mrs. Geller: Jack!","Mr. Geller: What?! I've never seen one before!","Monica: Dad! There's Ross (points), why don't you go talk to him?","(Mr. and Mrs. Geller start to walk away.)","Mr. Geller: I didn't even have a chance to act as though I'm okay with it!","Mr. Bing: (entering) Hello all!","Chandler: Hi...dad.","Monica: Hi Mr....Bing.","Mr. Bing: Nora!","Mrs. Bing: Charles.","Monica: It-it's so great to see you both here.","Mr. Bing: Yes! Although, I think we may be seeing a little too much of some people. Aren't you a little old to be wearing a dress like that?","Mrs. Bing: Don't you have a little too much pen1s to be wearing a dress like that?","Chandler: Oh my God! (He and Monica walk away.)","[Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller talking to Ross.]","Mr. Geller: ...of course you can kick his ass son.","Mrs. Geller: You could kick anyone's ass you want to.","Ross: Thanks you guys. (Walks away happily and his parents smile.)","[Cut to Monica.]","Monica: Oh, Rach! Rach! Umm hey, could you do me a favor and would you talk to Chandler's dad and try to keep him away from Chandler's mom?","Rachel: Yeah! But I don't know what he looks like!","Monica: He is the man in the black dress.","Rachel: Man in the black dress... (Monica walks away and Rachel looks around to find a woman in a black dress.) (To her) Hi! I'm Rachel! I'm a friend of Monica and Chandler's!","Woman: I'm Amanda.","Rachel: Oh I get it! A...man...duh!","Ross: (clinking a wine glass) Can I have everyone's attention please? I'm uh; I'm Ross Geller.","Mr. Geller: Doctor Ross Geller.","Ross: Dad...dad, please! As I was saying umm, I'm Dr. Ross Geller. Uhh, and I'm the best man. And uh, this marriage is doubly special for me umm, because not only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister. And, she's the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if you'd all please join me in raising a glass to the, the couple we're here to celebrate. (Everyone does so.) To the Bings.","All: To the Bings!","(Everyone clinks glasses and Chandler freaks out again.)","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are in the kitchen.]","Monica: All right, I'm gonna go steam my wedding dress okay? Who wants the responsibility of making sure nothing happens to it?","Rachel: I'll do it.","Monica: Who wants it? Anybody?","Rachel: I said I'll do it!","Monica: Nobody wants to do it? All right, I'll do it myself.","Rachel: Monica! I'm not gonna screw it up!","Monica: Y'know what? You're right, I'm sorry. Actually you were a big help tonight. Yeah, and thanks for putting my grandmother in the cab and making sure she got to the hotel safely.","Rachel: Well of course that is what I'm here for!","Monica: Okay. Sorry. (Monica goes into the bathroom.)","Rachel: Ugh! (To Phoebe) What grandmother?","[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is wearing sunglasses and as he exits his bedroom, Ross enters the apartment.]","Joey: Hey! Where have you been?","Ross: Oh, taking my parents back to the hotel.","Joey: Oh.","Ross: What? Are you going back to work?","Joey: Yeah.","Ross: Nice shades.","Joey: Thanks. Yeah, I figure if I wear these in my scenes at least I won't get spit in the eyes, y'know?","Ross: And if I remember correctly, Ray Ban was the official sponsor of World War I!","Joey: Great! All right. I'll see you later. (He starts to leave.)","Ross: Hey, where's Chandler?","Joey: Uh, I think he's in Rachel's room. See ya. (Exits.)","Ross: (going up to Rachel's closed door) Chandler? (He opens the door and looks inside and doesn't see him.) Chandler? (He checks the bathroom and still doesn't find him. He then finds a note on the counter. He picks it up and reads it.)","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe and Rachel are in the kitchen as there is a knock on the door. Rachel answers it.]","Ross: Hey!","Rachel: Hi!","Ross: Is uh, is Monica here?","Rachel: She's steaming her dress, why? What's up?","Ross: I think Chandler's gone. (He hands her the note.)","Rachel: What?!","Ross: He left that.","Rachel: (reading the note) Tell Monica I'm sorry.","Phoebe: (walking up) What's up? (Rachel hands her the note and she reads it.) Tell Monica I'm sorry. (Pause) Tell her yourself!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The Hallway, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are discussing the note.]","Phoebe: Oh my God! Chandler just left though!","Rachel: Yeah but, maybe it's not what we think. Maybe it's tell Monica I'm sorry I...drank the last of the milk.","Phoebe: Or maybe he-he was writing to tell her that-that he's changed his name, y'know? Tell Monica I'm sorry.","Ross: I think it means he freaked out and left!","Phoebe: Don't be so negative! Good God! Isn't it possible that Sorry is sitting in there (Joey and Rachel's apartment) right now?!","Rachel: Okay. Phoebe, I-I think Ross is right. What are we gonna do?","Ross: Look-Okay, I'm just gonna-I'm gonna have to go find him and bring him back! Okay? You-you make sure Monica does not find out, okay?","Rachel: Okay.","Phoebe: (pointing at Ross) Okay but if you don't find him and bring him back, I am gonna hunt you down and kick your ass!","(Ross laughs and Phoebe points harder.)","Ross: (scared) I will, I will find him.","[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is getting his make-up touched up as Richard approaches.]","Richard: Hey Joey, could you uh, go through these lines with me? (He's holding a script.)","Joey: Oh man! They-they just redid my make-up!","Richard: Just the last two pages.","Joey: Alright.","(They go onto the set.)","Richard: I found the picture!","(He's still spitting and Joey holds his script in front of his face.)","Joey: Picture? What picture?","Richard: Could you uh, could you lower your script? I need to see your face so I can uh, play off your reaction.","Joey: Okay uh, look I know you're a great actor, okay? And you play all those Shakespeare guys and stuff...","Richard: Oh, thanks.","Joey: But you're spittin' all over me man!","Richard: Well of course I am!","Joey: You know you've been spitting on me?!","Richard: That's what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit! (Spits on the t)","Joey: (wiping face) Wow! Didn't know that.","Richard: Great!","Joey: Thanks! Okay-okay check it out! (Reading from the script) Picture? What picture? (He pauses then spits) Eh?","[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is behind the counter as Ross enters looking for Chandler.]","Ross: Gunther have you uh, have you seen Chandler?","Gunther: No. No, I haven't seen him.","Ross: Oh damn!","Gunther: He's getting married tomorrow, right?","Ross: Yes. Yes. Don't worry. Everything's fine. We'll uh, we'll see you tomorrow at the wedding.","Gunther: I wasn't invited.","Ross: Well then, we'll-we'll see you the day after tomorrow. (Walks away slowly, but notices something.) Mom?! Dad?! (They're sitting by the window.) What-what...what you guys doing here?!","Mr. Geller: Well, you kids talk about this place so much, we thought we'd see what all the fuss is about.","Mrs. Geller: I certainly see why the girls like coming here.","Ross: Why?!","Mrs. Geller: The sexy blonde behind the counter. (She waves at Gunther who waves back.)","Ross: (shocked) Gunther?!","Mr. Geller: Your mother just added him to her list.","Ross: What? Your-your list?","Mrs. Geller: Yeah, the list that-of people we're allowed to sleep...","Ross: Yes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is! Mom! Look if you see Chandler, could you just let him know I'm looking for him?","Mr. Geller: And if you see Rita Moreno, let her know I'm looking for her.","(Ross points at him and exits.)","[Scene: The Movie Set, Richard and Joey are doing a scene.]","The Director: Action!","Richard: I found the picture!","Joey: What picture?!","Richard: The picture of my wife! In your pack!","Joey: You went through my personal property?","Richard: Why do have a picture of Paulette in your pack?!","Joey: (pause) Because Vincent, we were lovers. (Pause) For two years!","The Director: Cut! Wonderful!","(Joey and Richard both wipe their faces and are given towels.)","Joey: Great scene yeah?","Richard: Oh you're awesome! And, in that last speech? You soaked me.","Joey: Thanks a lot.","The Assistant Director: (To Joey) Here's your call sheet for tomorrow.","Joey: Oh, I'm-I'm not working tomorrow.","The Assistant Director: You are now.","Joey: No! No! I can't! You gotta get me out of it! I've got plans! (Spits.) Important plans! (Spits on the Ps.)","(The AD walks away wiping his face.)","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the next morning, Rachel and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]","Rachel: (closing the door) Ross said there's still no word from Chandler.","Phoebe: Oh man.","Rachel: Oh but he did say that they found the grandmother wandering down fifth avenue.","Phoebe: Okay. Well there's one down.","Monica: (entering from her room, excitedly) I'm getting married today!!! (She trips and falls.) (Getting up) I think I just cracked a rib. But I don't care because today's my wedding day! My day is finally here!! (Runs back into her room.)","Phoebe: Y'know she might not even notice he's gone.","Monica: (re-entering) I'm gonna start getting ready! (Goes back into her room.)","Rachel: God! Don't-We can't let her start getting ready! This is too awful! Oh God, but wait she'll be in the gown and then he won't show up and then she's gonna have to take off the gown...","Phoebe: Shhh! Stop it! Stop it Rachel! You can't do this here! (She drags her into the bathroom.)","Rachel: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just...It's just so sad!","Phoebe: Yeah, but you've got to pull yourself together! Monica can't see you like this! Then she'll know something's wrong!","Rachel: I know. I know. Oh God. (Looking around) There's no tissue! Can you grab me some toilet paper?","Phoebe: Yeah. (Looks.) Oh, that's gone too. This is Monica's bathroom right?!","Rachel: Oh!","Phoebe: No-no! I-I...I found one.","Rachel: Okay.","(Phoebe reaches into the trash can, pulls one out, and hands it to Rachel.)","Rachel: Oh thank you! (Wiping her nose.) Oh God! (She throws it out.) Can I have another one?","Phoebe: (looking into the trash can) Sure. (Reaching into the trash can.) Do you need some floss? (Grabs a piece of it.)","Rachel: Oh God I just cannot imagine what is gonna happen if Chandler doesn't show up!","Phoebe: Oh here's a whole bunch.","Rachel: Oh, I mean she's gonna be at the wedding waiting for him and people will be whispering, \"Oh that poor girl.\" Y'know? Then she'll have to come back here and live all alone.","Phoebe: (finding something interesting in the trash can) Oh my God!","Rachel: What?","Phoebe: There was a pregnancy test in the garbage, and it's positive. Monica's pregnant. (Rachel covers her mouth.) So I guess she won't be totally alone.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's bathroom, the scene is continued from earlier.]","Rachel: Oh my God!","Phoebe: I know! Monica's gonna have a baby! Hey, can this count as her something new?","Rachel: Oh my God!","Phoebe: Hey, do you think this is why Chandler took off?","Rachel: No, she had to have just taken that test because I took out the trash last night.","Phoebe: Oh God, this is turning into the worst wedding day ever! The bride is pregnant. The groom is missing. And I'm still holding this. (She throws the test back into the trash.)","Rachel: Okay Phoebe, we cannot tell anyone about this.","Phoebe: Right.","Rachel: Okay?","Phoebe: Yeah, okay. Hey, wait. Do you know what kind of birth control she was using?","Rachel: No. Why?","Phoebe: Just for the future, this is hardly a commercial for it.","[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is just hanging up the phone as Rachel and Phoebe enter.]","Rachel: Anything?","Ross: No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasn't heard from him. I-I-I talked to Chandler's parents again!","Phoebe: You told them he was missing?","Ross: No! I made it seem like I was just calling to chat. Pretty sure, they both think I'm interested in them.","Rachel: All right, we've got to tell her he's gone. (Starts to leave.)","Ross: No! Hey! Hey! We can't!","Rachel: Ross, she's gonna start getting ready soon!","Ross: Well, can't you at least stall her a little? I'll-I'll go back to some of the places I went last night.","Rachel: All right, well how much time do you need?","Ross: Well how much time before she absolutely has to start getting ready?","Rachel: One hour.","Ross: Give me two.","Rachel: Then why do you ask?!","(They all go into the hallway.)","Ross: Okay, wish me luck.","Phoebe: Okay. I'm going with you.","Ross: Why?!","Phoebe: Ross, you're tired. You've been looking all night. And clearly you suck at this.","Rachel: All right, I'll see you guys later.","Phoebe: Okay. Wait, do you know how you're going to stall her?","Rachel: I'll figure something out.","Phoebe: All right. Good luck.","Rachel: Thanks.","(Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandler's.)","Monica: Hey! Okay, so I thought we'd start with my make up and then do my hair.","Rachel: Okay uh, but before you do that. I-I, I need you to talk to me.","Monica: About what?","Rachel: Umm... I'm never gonna getting married!","Monica: Yeah you will! The right guy is just around the corner! Okay, are we done with that?","Rachel: No Monica! I'm serious! Oh, maybe I should just forget about it. Become a lesbian or something.","Monica: Any woman would be lucky to have ya.","Rachel: Well maybe it would make me feel better if I slept with Joey.","Monica: (jumping up) Rachel! You okay?","[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is reporting for work.]","Joey: Excuse me, Aaron? (The director turns around.) Hi! Umm, I have a little problem with the schedules. Originally, I wasn't supposed to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. It's my best friend's, and I'm officiating so I really can't work past four.","The Director: Joey, you gotta stay until the end. We can't stop filming just for you. It's not like it's your wedding. (Starts to walk away.)","Joey: I'm having surgery!","The Director: What?!","Joey: Yeah, I-I just made up the stuff about the wedding because I didn't want you to worry about me. But, I'm having surgery today.","The Director: What kind of surgery?!","Joey: Transplant.","The Director: But you're supposed to work on Monday.","Joey: Hair transplant.","The Director: But you're not bald.","Joey: It's not on my head.","The Director: Look Joey, there's nothing I can do. Besides, you're probably gonna be out by four anyway. We've just got one short scene. It's just you and Richard, and God knows he's a pro. You'll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard.","Joey: Hey! You're here! Great! Great! Great! Let's get going buddy, we've got a scene to shoot!","Richard: I'm wearing two belts.","Joey: Are you drunk?","Richard: No!","Joey: Yes you are!","Richard: All right.","[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Ross are exiting a pizza place.]","Ross: We are never gonna find him! He's one guy in a huge city!","Phoebe: Oh my God! Is that him? (She points at someone.)","Ross: That is an old, Chinese woman!","Phoebe: He could be in disguise, y'know.","Ross: Aw, y'know...Y'know, maybe we're-we're just approaching this all wrong. If you're Chandler and-and you wanna hide, where is the last place on Earth people would think you'd go?","[Cut to an office building.]","Ross: So this is your office?","Chandler: How did you guys find me? I knew I should've hid at the gym!","Phoebe: What the hell are you doing?!","Chandler: Panicking! And using the Internet to try to prove that I'm related to Monica. How is she?","Ross: She's fine. She doesn't know you're gone. And she doesn't have to know, okay? Now come on, we're going home.","Chandler: No! No! No! I can't do that!","Phoebe: Why not?!","Chandler: Because if I go home, we're gonna become the Bings! I can't be the Bings!","Ross: What's wrong with being the Bings?","Chandler: The Bings have horrible marriages! They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games!","Ross: Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?","Chandler: No.","Ross: Then you are neither of your parents!","Chandler: It's not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybody's! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And I've met me; I am not Paul Newman. I don't race cars! I don't make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity.","Phoebe: But look Chandler, right now no-one has a lower opinion of you than I do. But I totally believe you can do this.","Chandler: I want to. I love her so much, but I'm afr...It's too huge.","Ross: Y'know, okay. You're right. It is huge. So why don't we take it just a little bit at a time? Okay? Umm, forget getting married for a sec; just forget about it. Can you just come home and take a shower?","Chandler: Well yeah, but then...","Ross: (interrupting him) Yeah-No-but-but-but-but! We're just gonna go home and take a shower. Now, that's not scary right?","Chandler: Depends on what you mean by we.","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is still trying to stall Monica.]","Rachel: The nights are the hardest. (Checks her watch.) But then the day comes! And that's every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again...","Monica: (interrupting) The days and nights are hard! I get it! Okay? Look umm, Rachel I'm sorry! I have to start getting ready! I'm getting married today!","Rachel: I know. At dusk. That's such a hard time for me.","Monica: (getting up) I'm gonna go put my make-up on, we have to be at the hotel in an hour! (Starts for the bathroom.)","Rachel: Okay. But wait!","Monica: What?!","Rachel: Let's go to lunch.","Monica: I can't go to lunch!!","Rachel: Right.","(Monica goes into the bathroom and Rachel thinks quickly.)","Rachel: Oh good God! I've fallen down! (She trips and falls.)","Monica: (entering) What's going on?","Rachel: Okay. Alright. (Gets up.) Honey listen. When I tell you what I'm about to tell you, I need you to remember that we are all here for you and that we love you.","Monica: Okay, you're-you're really freaking me out.","Rachel: We can't find Chandler...(Phoebe sticks her head and motions that they found Chandler)-'s vest. We can't find Chandler's vest.","Monica: How can that be?! Oh wait! Wait! Are you, are you serious?!","Phoebe: (entering) Found the vest! I mean we're gonna have to keep an eye on it, y'know make sure we don't lose it again...","Rachel: Oh!","Monica: Oh wow! Okay. Don't scare me like that okay? I mean for a minute there I was like, \"Oh my God! The worst has happened!\"","(Monica goes into the bathroom and Phoebe and Rachel breathe a sigh of relief.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both holding swords.]","Joey: I would sooner die in this hellhole then see her back with you!","Richard: That can be arranged.","(Richard thrusts, misses Joey by several feet and Joey screams in pain and drops to his knees.)","The Director: Let's reset.","Joey: What?! He got me! Owwwwww!!!","The Director: Let's take it from there.","Richard: (To Joey) Are you a little off today? It's going terribly slowly.","Joey: Look, my best friends are getting married in like an hour. Okay? And I'm the minister. Please! Please! Can you pull it together?","Richard: Of course! I'm-I'm sorry. I-I'd hate you to miss anything like that on account of me. I can do this!","Joey: Thank you. Thank you.","The Director: Still rolling, annnnd action!","Joey: I would sooner die in this hellhole then see her back with you!","Richard: Now, that can be arranged! (He brings his sword back and drops it, causing it to fly over the wall.) Slippery little bugger!","[Scene: The Hotel, Monica's room, Mr. and Mrs. Bing are staring at each other while Phoebe looks on.]","Phoebe: So-so you two were married huh? What happened? You just drift apart?","(Rachel and Mrs. Geller enter.)","Mrs. Geller: Here comes the bride.","(Monica enters wearing her wedding dress.)","Phoebe: Oh my God Monica!","Monica: I wanna wear this everyday.","Rachel: You look so beautiful.","Monica: (starting to cry) I'm so happy for me.","(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)","Rachel: Hello?","Joey: (on phone) Hey! Did Chandler show up yet?","Rachel: Yeah, we got him back. Everything's fine.","Joey: Damnit!","Rachel: What? Why? Where are you?","Joey: I'm still on the set!","Rachel: Joey! The wedding is in less than an hour!","Joey: I know! I'm sorry! The guy's drunk, they won't let me go until we get this.","Rachel: Oh my God! I'm gonna have to find another minister.","Joey: No! No, I'm the minister! Alright, look-look, put 'em both on the phone, I'll marry them right now.","Rachel: Ugh! Joey, I have to go.","Joey: Hey! Don't you hang up on me! I'll marry you and me right now! I have the power!","(She hangs up anyway.)","[Scene: Chandler's Hotel Room, Ross is getting Chandler ready.]","Ross: There you go. You put on a tuxedo! Now that wasn't so scary, was it?","Chandler: No.","Ross: I'm telling you, just a little bit at a time.","Chandler: Yeah okay. Well, what's the next little bit?","Ross: Getting married. (Chandler panics.) Okay. Okay. You can, you can do that too! Just like you've done everything else!","Chandler: Yeah. You're right. Hey I-I can do that.","Ross: Yeah.","Chandler: Okay, excuse me for a minute. (Starts to leave)","Ross: Wh-Hey-Whoa-whoa, where, where you going?!","Chandler: Ross, I am not gonna run away again! I just want to get a little fresh air.","Ross: Okay.","Chandler: Okay.","(Chandler goes out into the hall and lights up a cigarette.)","Chandler: Oh fresh air!","(He hears Phoebe and Rachel coming and hides in the ice machine room.)","Phoebe: (To Rachel) Wait! Maybe, maybe you're overreacting! You do that y'know.","Rachel: Well Phoebe, we gotta do something! (They turn the corner.) Well, y'know. I mean there's no way Joey's gonna make it in time. So I'm gonna go through the hotel and see if there's any other weddings going on.","Phoebe: Okay. Oh but don't tell them Monica's pregnant because they frown on that.","Rachel: Okay.","Phoebe: Okay.","(They head in separate directions and Chandler emerges and he's so shocked that his cigarette is hanging from his lip.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The Hotel, Rachel is walking through the ballroom area and comes upon the sign for the Anastassakis\/Papasifakis wedding.]","Rachel: Anastassakis\/Papasifakis wedding, excellent! {It's a good thing Jennifer Aniston is Greek, because she had to pronounce those names. Luckily for me, they were written on a sign.}(The happy couple emerges.) Congratulations. (To the best man and maid of honor) Mazel Tov! (The rabbi emerges.) Hi! Oh, great hat. (He's wearing an interesting hat and she takes him over to talk.) Listen umm, I need you to perform another wedding. Can you do that?","The Rabbi: I don't know. Are they Greek Orthodox?","Rachel: Yeah! Yeah. They're...they're-they're my friends, uh, Monica Stephanopolus and uh, and Chandler Acidofolus.","[Scene: Monica's Hotel Room, Chandler and Monica's parents and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]","Ross: Hi! (To Mrs. Bing) Hi! (Mr. Bing starts rubbing his arm.) Hi. Has umm, anyone seen Chandler?","Mr. Geller: I thought he was with you.","Ross: He-he was with me umm, we're playing a little game, y'know? Hide and seek.","Mr. Geller: You can't ask us son, that's cheating.","Ross: (pause) You're right, thanks for keeping me honest dad.","Mrs. Geller: Well, he better not come by here. He can't see the bride in the wedding dress.","Mrs. Bing: As I recall when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress.","Mr. Bing: But that was after the wedding, it's not bad luck then.","Mrs. Bing: Honey, it isn't good luck.","(Monica enters.)","Ross: Oh my God! Monica!","Monica: I know! Hey, how's Chandler doin'?","Ross: Great. He's doing great. Don't you worry about Chandler.","Monica: Are you okay?","Ross: Uh-huh.","Monica: Well, you're-you're sweating.","Ross: These-these are beads of joy.","Monica: Oh that's sweet. Don't touch me.","Ross: Uh Phoebe, can I see you for a second?","Phoebe: Yeah!","(They both go out into the hall.)","Phoebe: What's going on?","Ross: Chandler's gone again!","Phoebe: Oh my God! Why would you play hide and seek with someone you know is a flight risk?!","(Ross just glares at her.)","[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is walking up to the director, pleading with him to let him go.]","Joey: Aaron! You gotta let me go. The guy's hammered!","The Director: I'm sorry Joey, as long as he's here and he's conscious we're still shooting.","(He walks away and Joey does Ross's fist thing. He then enters Richard's dressing room, to find Richard cutting his steak with his sword.)","Richard: You wouldn't happen to have a very big fork?","Joey: So I uh, I just talked to the director. That's it, we're done for the day.","Richard: Well have we finished the scene?","Joey: Yeah! You...you were wonderful.","Richard: As were you.","Joey: So I got your car, it's right outside.","Richard: Why? Are we done for the day?","Joey: That's what you told me.","Richard: Oh, thank you. You're welcome. (He stands up, staggers to the couch, and starts to lie down.)","Joey: No-no-no! We gotta go! Come on! (Joey picks him up in a fireman's carry and carries him out.) Here we go.","Richard: Is that my ass? (He's looking at Joey's.)","(And as Joey walks out the door, Richard grabs a bottle of Scotch, just as the door closes and carries it with him.)","[Scene: The Hotel, Phoebe and Ross are looking for Chandler.]","Ross: (turning a corner) There he is!!","Chandler: What?","(Ross runs over and tackles him.)","Phoebe: Hey! Oh!","Ross: You're not getting away this time mister! Unless you want that ass kicking we talked about!","Chandler: Ross! (He starts to get up.)","Ross: Hiiii-Ya!! (Chandler lies back down.) I'm serious! You're not walking out on my sister!","Chandler: (standing up) That's right! I'm not!","Ross: Then where the hell have you been?!","Chandler: I know about Monica.","Phoebe: You know?!","Ross: What?","Chandler: Yeah, I heard you and Rachel talking.","Ross: What?! What?! Talking about what?!","Chandler: You don't know?","Ross: Know what-If somebody doesn't tell me what's going on right now...","Phoebe: What? You'll hi-ya?","Chandler: Monica's pregnant.","Ross: Oh my God. Oh my God! And you're-you're...you're not freaking out?","Chandler: Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes...","Phoebe and Ross: Cigarettes?!!","Chandler: Big picture please! So I was in the gift shop, and that's when I uh, saw this. (He holds up a little, tiny baby jumper that reads I (heart) New York.) Yeah, y'know what? I thought anything that can fit into this, can't be scary.","Phoebe: Well you obviously didn't see Chucky 3.","Chandler: But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so she'd know I was okay.","Ross: Dude. (Hugs him.)","(Mr. Geller turns the corner.)","Mr. Geller: Way to go son! I knew you'd find him!","[Scene: The moment we waited for has finally arrived. It's time for Monica and Chandler's wedding. We've got violins playing Every Breath You Take, we've got guests seated, and Chandler starts walking down the aisle with his parents on either arm.]","Mr. Bing: Our little boy is getting married.","Mrs. Bing: Oh look at you! So handsome!","Chandler: You look beautiful mom. (His dad clears his throat.) You look beautiful too dad. I love you both. (He kisses his dad on the cheek) I'm so glad you're here. (He kisses his mom.)","(He walks up onto the altar and notices the rabbi.)","The Rabbi: Are you Chandler?","Chandler: Are you Joey?","(Ross walks down the aisle with Phoebe and Rachel on his arms.)","Ross: Huh. This is nice.","Phoebe: What?","Ross: I've never walked down the aisle knowing it can't end in divorce.","(Finally, Monica with her parents on her arms start down the aisle.)","Mrs. Geller: Oh I wish your grandmother had lived to see this.","Monica: She's right there.","Mrs. Geller: Not that old crow, my mother. (They stop and she kisses Monica on the cheek.) Congratulations darling.","Mr. Geller: I love you sweetheart. (He kisses her and they sit down.)","(Chandler steps off the altar to greet his bride-to-be.)","Chandler: You look beautiful. Is this new? (Her dress.)","Monica: Not now.","Chandler: Okay.","(They both step up onto the altar and she notices the rabbi.)","Monica: (To Chandler) Who is this?","The Rabbi: I am Father Kalebasous.","Chandler: (in Monica's ear) He's Greek Orthodox.","Rachel: (leaning in) As are you...","The Rabbi: Let us begin. Dearly beloved...","Joey: (entering) That's my line! (He walks up the aisle and to the rabbi) I can take it from here, thanks. (To all) Dearly beloved, I'm sorry I'm a little late. You may be confused by this now, (He's still in costume) but you won't be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, let's get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? (Monica is shocked and looks around.) We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. I've known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as I've left my notes in my dressing room, we shall proceed to the vows. Monica?","(She turns to get her vows from Rachel.)","Monica: (To Rachel) He took off?","Rachel: Go on! Go on. (She turns back to Chandler.)","Monica: Chandler, for so long I...I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate. Then three years ago, at another wedding I turned to a friend for comfort. And instead, I found everything that I'd ever been looking for my whole life. And now...here we are...with our future before us...and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soul mate, my friend. Unless you don't want to. You go!","Joey: Chandler?","(Ross leans in to give Chandler his vows.)","Chandler: (To Ross) No, that's okay. (Ross nods and retreats.) Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way, it's okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if I'm sure? (He leans in and kisses her.)","Joey: You may not kiss the bride. So, I guess by the powers vested in me by the state of New York and the Internet guys, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Oh wait! Do you take each other?","Chandler: I do.","Monica: I do.","Joey: Yeah you do!","Ross: Rings?","Joey: Aw crap! Okay-uh...uh let's-let's do the rings.","(Chandler and Monica both turn, take the rings from Ross and Rachel respectively, and place them on each other's fingers.)","Joey: We good? Yeah? Good? Once again, I pronounce you husband and wife. (To Chandler) Now kiss her again.","(They kiss and everyone applauds.)","Chandler: (To Monica) I love you. And I know about the baby.","Monica: What baby?","Chandler: Our baby.","Monica: We have a baby?","Chandler: Phoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash.","Monica: I didn't take a pregnancy test.","Chandler: Then...who did?","[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel.]","Phoebe: Oh and they're gonna have a baby.","Rachel: Uh-huh.","(The camera zooms in on Rachel who has a very worried and frightened look on her face and she slowly takes a deep breath.)","[Fade to black.]","Ending Credits"],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"07x23","Episode Title":"07x24 - The One With Chandler and Monica\u2019s Wedding","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_08x16.json","Recap":["Ross, shocked at Joey's declaration, avoids him, but eventually convinces him to tell Rachel. Joey confesses his love for Rachel, but Rachel politely and lovingly turns him down. Phoebe is convinced that a British man called Don is Monica's soulmate."],"Transcript":["Lisa Kudrow: (voiceover) Previously on Friends","[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is talking to Ross]","Joey: There's this woman, that I like. A lot. Well, it's complicated. She's with this other guy. For a long time. And I could never do that to the guy, y'know? 'Ccause we're really good friends.","Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh... is he a good guy?","Joey: Yeah, he's the best.","Ross: Then talk to him! He might be fine with it.","Joey: Oh, I don't know.","Ross: Joey, it's worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her.","Joey: I do! So much! I can't stop thinking about her! I can't sleep, I-","Ross: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself. (Walks towards the door until...)","Joey: It's Rachel.","[Fade to Black, then fade in again with Ross stopped at the doorway.]","Ross: (closes the door) Did you um-I'm sorry, did you just say it's Rachel?","Joey: Yes.","Ross: Um, you...you like Rachel?","Joey: Yes. I like Rachel.","Ross: Rachel?!","Joey: (startled) Yeah, okay but look, buy uh-Hey-hey, y'know, y'know who else I like? You! And it-it doesn't get said enough. I like you Ross.","Ross: But R-R-Rachel-Rachel?!","Joey: Yeah, but it's not a big deal.","Ross: It's not a big deal? Oh, I'm sorry I just...um, I...what about all the stuff you-you just said? I mean how about, I like-you-you can't stop thinking about her. Like how you can't sleep?","Joey: I'm an actor, y'know? As-as a group, we tend to be over dramatic.","Ross: Rachel who's carrying my baby? Rachel?","Joey: Look no, I-I know it's bad, and I know it's wrong. Okay? But-but it's not like anything's ever gonna happen. Y'know? These-these are just feelings, they're gonna go away.","Ross: Y'know what? I-I gotta go. (Starts to leave.)","Joey: Oh come on Ross! Hey Ross-Ross don't...","Ross: (stops) I just-y'know-I-I just have one-Rachel?!","(He exits and starts to walk away, passes a window, stops, and says \"Rachel?!\" again. Joey sighs and turns around to face Gunther.)","Gunther: Rachel?!!","Opening Credits","[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Chandler are on the couch.]","Rachel: Oh-oh! Okay, she's kicking!","Chandler: Oh! (Puts his hand on her belly.) She's growing inside you.","Rachel: Whoa!!","Chandler: Oh! (Pulls his hand away.)","Rachel: Wow that was a big one.","Chandler: I think that's the youngest girl ever to reject me.","Phoebe: (entering) Oh hey you guys!","Chandler: Oh hey!","Rachel: Hi!","Phoebe: Hey listen let me ask you, do you believe in soul mates?","Rachel: Oh yes I do. I do. I believe that there is one perfect person out there for everyone. And do you know how you find him? You stop looking for him. That's why I stopped looking for Russell Crowe. He'll find me.","Phoebe: Uh-huh, (To Chandler) and you?","Chandler: No. I mean I believe that uh, certain people are more suited for each other and I believe in falling in love, but soul mates, I don't think they exist.","Phoebe: Okay, good.","Chandler: Why?","Phoebe: Well last night, I met Monica's.","Chandler: What?","Phoebe: Yeah, I had a date with this guy, and I swear to God, he is her other half.","Chandler: Come on, don't be crazy. (To Rachel) You don't think there's someone out there better suited for Monica than me, do ya? (Rachel looks at him.)","Rachel: (To Phoebe) Well, what's he like?!","Phoebe: Well he's tall.","Rachel: Uh-huh.","Phoebe: He has brown hair.","Rachel: Of course, of course.","Chandler: A tall guy with hair similar to mine, oh unknowable universe!","Phoebe: He works with food!","Rachel: Oh sure. Older?","Phoebe: Obviously, and he's British.","Rachel: Oh, I was just gonna ask!","Phoebe: Yeah? And, he's-he's so centered and mature and confident.","Rachel: Oh, it's so sad they never had a chance to meet.","Chandler: Luckily, the guy she settled for can't hear what you're talking about.","Phoebe: Oh, I'm so sorry. Um, and maybe I'm wrong! I but-y'know I'm gonna go out with him again, I'll find out more.","Chandler: You believe that this guy is destined for someone else and you're still gonna date him?","Phoebe: Well, he may not be my soul mate, but a girl's gotta eat.","[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is opening the door to Monica.]","Monica: Hey.","Ross: Hey.","Monica: I just talked to Joey, I just-I want to see how you were.","Ross: Oh y'know, I still-I can't believe it. Joey and Rachel I mean it's... It's like you and me going out, only weirder!","Monica: All right, I know you're hurting, and-and I want to be supportive, but don't say that again.","Ross: Oh my God! What if, what if they get married? Then he'd be the stepfather of my child.","Monica: Honey, I don't think that's something we need to worry about! First of all he's-he's never gonna tell her how he feels about her. And even if he did you have no idea how she'd react.","Ross: Sure, because women never like Joey. Y'know, I think he's a virgin.","Monica: Joey...he's not even thinking about going after Rachel!","Ross: He's not?","Monica: No! All he's thinking about is how you're taking this! I mean, listen it's totally freaking him out. He's talking about moving to Vermont.","Ross: Why?","Monica: He says he wants to leave the country. (Pause) He thinks you hate him.","Ross: Hate him? I... No, I don't hate him. (Pause) It's just it's Rachel, y'know?","Monica: Honey I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. But, I don't want you to lose Joey over it. And right now he just needs to know that you're still his friend.","Ross: Okay. Okay, I'll talk to him.","Monica: All right. Now do it soon, he just asked me how to convert his dollars into Vermont money.","[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch as Phoebe enters with Monica's soul mate.]","Phoebe: Oh! Hi!","Monica: Hi!","Phoebe: Umm, Chandler, Monica, this is Don.","Don: Oh, hello. (Shakes Chandler's hand.) Hello. (Shakes Monica's hand.)","Phoebe: (mouths to Chandler) Soul mate.","Chandler: (mouths to Phoebe) What?","Phoebe: (cough talks) Soul mate.","Monica: So, what have you guys been doing?","Don: Well, we just had a terrible lunch today at Reattica. What is with all the sun-dried tomatoes at that place?","Monica: I know! What is this, 1985?!","Don: That's exactly what I said. Phoebe, isn't that strange.","Monica: Not really.","Chandler: What's wrong with sun-dried tomatoes? (Everyone stares at him.) On a barbecue chicken pizza? (Still there's staring.) No?","Monica: So Don, what-what other restaurants do you like?","Don: Well, Octavio, 27&7-Oh! And there's this great little place, Alessandro's.","Monica: Oh my God! That's my restaurant, I'm the chef there.","Don: You're kidding me!","Monica: No!","Don: Your food is fantastic! Wow, I really want to talk to you about your menu, once I get some coffees first. Um, anyone want any?","Monica: Oh, I'd like a latte. Oh y'know what? If you're gonna talk about me, I'm gonna go with you.","(They go over to the counter and Chandler moves closer to Phoebe.)","Chandler: What are you doing?!","Phoebe: Nothing! I swear to God I didn't know you guys would be here! And the good news is you didn't believe in soul mates. So...","Chandler: I believe in tall, handsome strangers who hit on my wife!","Phoebe: They're just talking, and y'know what? Just because I think they're soul mates doesn't mean anything's gonna happen.","Monica: (returning) Phoebe, good work.","Phoebe: Yeah?","Monica: Yeah! Oh he's great, I love him. (Walks away and Chandler glares at Phoebe.)","Phoebe: Don't worry, we'll find you someone else.","[Scene: Joey's Apartment, there's a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Ross.]","Joey: Hey.","Ross: Hey.","Joey: Look, I understand if you came by to hit me, I deserve it.","Ross: No, I don't want to hit you.","Joey: Oh what then? Kick me?","Ross: No.","Joey: (getting worried) Bite me?","Ross: No, no I don't want to do anything to you. All right? I just want to tell you that I'm not mad at you and...and that I certainly do not hate you. I just, I just came here to say that. (Starts to leave.)","Joey: Oh now-Hey Ross-Ross! Do you wanna-wanna come in for a beer or something?","Ross: Uh...yeah sure. (Enters.)","Joey: Do uh, do you got any beer? All-all I got is this melon stuff that Rachel left. I don't...","Ross: Okay.","Joey: (pouring two glasses) Hey look Ross, you need to understand something okay? I uh...I am never gonna act on this Rachel thing, okay? I-I would never do anything to jeopardize my friendship with you. (He hands Ross a glass.)","Ross: Thank you.","(They clink glasses and take a drink. Ross likes it, Joey hates it. Then Ross sees Joey hating it, mimics he hates it as well.)","Joey: Anyway, it uh...look it'll just...take me a while to get over her, that's all. I'm not even sure how to do that, I mean I've never been in love before so...","Ross: What?! You're in love with her.","Joey: Yeah, I thought you knew that.","Ross: Umm, no.","Joey: Wow. Hey look, if it helps, I don't want to feel this way. Honest. I just keep thinking, \"Ah, I'll get over this.\" Y'know? I just-It just keeps gettin' harder. I don't, I don't know what to do. Y'know? What do I do?","(Pause)","Ross: I think you need to tell her how you feel.","Joey: Okay that's the green stuff talkin'.","Ross: No, I'm serious. You-you need to find out where she is, because if she's not where you are, then you can start to move past this.","Joey: But what if uh-and I'm not saying she will be-But...","Ross: If she is where you are then uh...then my feeling weird about it shouldn't stand in the way.","Joey: Are you sure?","Ross: Yeah. Look if-if she's gonna end up with somebody else, the truth is she couldn't find a better guy. So...","Joey: Hey thanks.","Ross: So when do you think you're gonna talk to her?","Joey: Oh my God I have to tell her! I haven't even thought about what I will say. What should I say?","Ross: I'm understanding, but let's not get carried away.","Joey: I'm sorry, you're right. What am I gonna say? (He takes another sip of the green stuff and recoils at the taste.) Oh!","Ross: Yeah, tell me about it. (He stands up, turns his back to Joey, and enjoys another sip.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Chandler are watching Monica and Don talk.]","Don: ...so I've been slowly phasing out the wine importing and focusing more on the cheese side of things.","Chandler: Cheese you say? That's some pretty smelly work, huh Don?","Don: Excuse me?","Chandler: Cheese, it's smelly. You must smell a lot of the time too.","Don: Uh, not really. But when it comes to cheese, I'm one of the people who thinks the smellier the better.","Monica: Me too! Yeah, Chandler can't stand it. He won't even allow me to have blue cheese in the house.","Don: And you're still married to him? (They both laugh, and Chandler tries to but fails.)","Monica: You know what I'd love to do? I would like to go to France and eat nothing but bread and cheese-Not even bread, just cheese. No, I want the bread. Yeah. Ah, and pastries... (Breathlessly) And pate. Oh, I'm really not high, it's just I used to be fat.","Don: Well if you where ever enter the Loire valley let me know, I've got a great little villa you can stay at.","Chandler: Is it made of cheese?","Don: No. But God, a house made of cheese, wouldn't that be incredible?!","Monica: I'd move in tomorrow!","Chandler: (disgusted) Oh come on! (To Phoebe) Are you listening to this?","Phoebe: I'm so sorry.","Chandler: What do we do?","Phoebe: I don't know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I don't know how you fight that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Outside Ross and Rachel's, Joey walks up to knock on the door, but stops.]","Joey: Okay. Okay, I can do this. I can tell her how I feel. Just uh, just stand up straight. (Does so.) Take a couple deep breaths. (Does so.) Look confident. (Does so as Rachel opens the door and startles him.)","Rachel: Joey? What's up?","Joey: I uh, I just came by because I-I want to talk to you about something.","Rachel: Okay what's up?","Joey: Here? In the hall? What are we animals?","Rachel: Well honey, I'm late for a meeting. So can you just make it quick?","Joey: Okay umm, I just came by to tell you that I...want to have dinner with you tonight. That's all.","Rachel: Sure! That sounds great! Just leave me a message and tell me where to meet you. Okay? (Walks away.)","Joey: Okay. That's good. Okay, that give you a couple hours to prepare what you're gonna say. Good. Yeah. (Someone comes out of his apartment and it startles Joey again.) Don't you people ever knock?!","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are entering.]","Monica: I'd like to have Don and Phoebe over. Wouldn't that be nice?","Chandler: Sure, why don't you set it up. I'll just be over here, browsing through the personals.","Monica: Are you okay? You've been acting weird all afternoon.","Chandler: Yeah, fine. Fine. Not perfect!! But good enough.","Monica: Jeez! What is with you?","Chandler: I'm sorry, did you say cheese?","Monica: All right, what's going on?","Chandler: Phoebe thinks you and Don are soul mates, and I don't believe in that kind of stuff. But then you two totally get along. So look, I won't stand in your way if you want to run off with Don and live in a house of cheese.","Monica: Chandler, you don't believe in soul mates?","Chandler: No. But I'm sure (mimics Don) 'tomatoes' does.","Monica: I don't believe in soul mates either.","Chandler: You don't?","Monica: No. I don't think that you and I were destined to end up together. I think that we fell in love and work hard at our relationship. Some days we work really hard.","Chandler: So you...you don't want to live with Don in a cheese house?","Monica: No, I've had second thoughts about that. Do you realize how hard that would be to clean?","Chandler: I love you.","Monica: I know.","Chandler: Y'know what? I am going to take you out to dinner tonight. I found this place that makes the greatest mozzarella sticks and jalepino poppers . (Monica doesn't look impressed.) No? Really? They taste so good.","[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are having dinner.]","Rachel: ...and I know Chandler is kidding but it happens every time he touches my stomach. I mean I'm really worried the baby's not going to like him. (Joey is staring at the table.) Are you okay?","Joey: What? Yeah! Sure! Uh, look at the uh, the reason...(Exhales slowly)-Is it hot in here?","Rachel: No. Not-not for me, but why don't you take off your sweater?","Joey: I would, but this is a nice place and my T-shirt has a picture of Calvin doing Hobbs.","Rachel: Oh my God! Really?! Can I see it?","Joey: Yeah. Sure. (They both half stand up, Joey pulls the neck of his sweater out, and Rachel looks down it to see his T-shirt.)","Rachel: Huh. Wow, I wouldn't think Hobbs would like that so much.","Joey: Uh... How long have we known each other?","Rachel: Um, seven...e-e-eight, eight years. Wow.","Joey: Uh-huh, long time.","Rachel: Yeah.","Joey: But over the past few weeks...","(A waiter runs over interrupting Joey.)","Waiter: Hah, sorry about the wait, but it is mega-jammed in here! We have a couple specials tonight...","Joey: Actually uh, could you give us a second?","Waiter: Sure. Sure. (Turns away, then turns back) Second's up! (Joey glares at him.) Not...that kind of table. (He walks away.)","Rachel: So you were saying?","Joey: I'm not quite sure.","Rachel: Okay, well you had asked me how long we had known each other, and I said, \"Eight years.\" And the um, waiter came over and cut his tip in half, and umm...now here we are.","Joey: Yeah, here we are. Uhh... I... I think I'm...falling in love with you.","Rachel: (stunned) What?","Joey: I'm falling in love with you.","Rachel: (looking around) Who are you talking too? Oh, you're kidding! Oh, it's a joke! (Laughs.) It's funny. It's funny. I don't get it. (Joey doesn't say any thing and Rachel realizes it's not a joke.) Oh. (Pause) Okay. Umm... I-I...uh, wow. Are you uh... How did umm... When?","Joey: Does it really matter?","Rachel: Wow! Wow. Wow. Wow, it is hot in here.","Joey: Okay look Rach, I know this is a lot. You don't have to say anything. You-you uh, you take as much time as you need. (Long pause as Rachel says nothing.) Okay, you gotta say something!","Rachel: Joey, Joey I love you so much, but I...","Joey: But. (Hangs his head down.)","Rachel: Joey.","Joey: Yeah-yeah right. That's okay. That's fine. That's uh, pretty much what I was expecting. So uh, it's no big deal. All right? I think I'm gonna go. (Stands up.)","Rachel: No! Joey please! Please don't! Please don't leave like this! Now come on, you cannot do this to a pregnant woman! (Starts to cry.)","Joey: Don't start doing that. You can't do that Rach, 'cause then you're gonna make me do that. (Starts to cry.) Oh, here we go! (Sits down next to her.)","Rachel: Can I? (Hug him.)","Joey: Sure!","(They hug.)","Rachel: Oh Joey honey I don't...I don't want to lose...","Joey: Hey-hey-hey, hey! You can't. Okay? Ever!","Rachel: I'm so sorry.","Joey: Oh no-no Rach, please, don't be sorry. Okay? Don't be sorry. (They hug again.) Y'know I was only kidding you.","Rachel: Yeah, that was a real good one.","Closing Credits","[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are still hugging as a waiter walks by the table to talk to the annoying waiter from before who is watching.]","Waiter No. 2: Is this your table?","Waiter: Yeah.","Waiter No. 2: God, you're gonna be here all night!","Waiter: I know! I haven't even read them the specials yet!","Waiter No. 2: What's the matter with them?","Waiter: I don't know. I think maybe one of them is dying. (Pause) I kinda hope it's the girl. (The other waiter is shocked.) The guy is really cute!"],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"08x16","Episode Title":"The One Where Joey Tells Rachel","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_09x04.json","Recap":["Monica visits Chandler in Tulsa, surprising him while he is watching porn in his hotel room. In a panic, he switches on a shark documentary, leading Monica to believe that sea creatures turn him on. Joey thinks he's already slept with the girl he's dating. Phoebe fears losing Mike, after Ross tells him she has never had a long-term relationship. To make amends, Ross talks to Mike, but makes up a story that Phoebe had a six-year long relationship with an East Indian man named Vikram."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Ross is in Central Perk. Phoebe comes in.]","Phoebe: Oh hey Ross oh I'm so glad someone's here could you zip me up?","Ross: sure.","Phoebe: Thank you. Can you believe no-one between my apartment and here offered to do that for me?","Ross: people (shakes head, they sit) so why you all dressed up.","Phoebe: oh umm Mike's picking me up for a date.","Ross: oh yea now um how is that going, is it getting serious?","Phoebe: oh I dunno I dunno, you know I mean I like him but am I ready to take my grade a loins off the meat market.","Ross: you know I really admire your whole dating attitude, it's so healthy I'm always like is this moving to fast? Is this moving to slow? Where's this going?","Phoebe: yea you know you are a bit of a drama queen.","Ross: but you, your so much better off you just go from guy to guy having fun and never worrying that it terns into anything serious.","Phoebe: I wouldn't say never, you know there's that guy (pause) well what about (pause) ok well there's gotta be someone.","Ross: There isn't that's what I'm saying. (All happy)","Phoebe: Oh my god you're right.","Ross: I know and yet here you are all ready for the next date.","Phoebe: I can't believe I never realized this before, I'm in my thirty's and never been in a long-term relationship oh my god (starts crying) what's wrong with me.","Ross: no, no, no there's nothing wrong with you I mean you don't strike me as the type of person that wants to get married anyway.","Phoebe: I wanna get married (grabs a tissue)","Ross: please don't cry because of me pheebs I don't know what I'm talking about, I've been divorced three times.","Phoebe: least you've been married, OH MY GOD! I wanna trade lives with Ross (cries more)","Mike: Phoebe (comes in smiling then sees Phoebe crying) what's wrong?","Phoebe: nothing, I'm excited about our date, Mike this is Ross Geller this is Mike Haaaaa (starts crying)","Ross: I'm sorry I didn't catch.","Mike: its Mike Hanagen","Ross: Oh Ross Geller","Mike: Hey, so are you sure your ready to go.","Phoebe: uh huh (terns to Ross) how do I look (all her make up has gone everywhere)","Ross: do you have a compact in your purse?","Phoebe: (goes to cry) No","Ross: you look great.","(Opening Credits)","[Scene: Monica enters Central Perk.]","Monica:: hey Joey","Joey: Hey, this girl won't turn around and I can't tell whether she's hot or not, what do you think?","Monica:: Joey I am not going to objectify woman with you (looks at the woman) but if her face is as nice as her ass woah mamma.","Joey: Alright thanks, Oh hey have you talked to Chandler?","Monica:: yeah he has to stay in Tulsa this weekend","Joey: how come?","Monica:: he has to work, there's some rush on the big (pause, thinks) ah damn it one of these days I'm really gonna have to start listening when he talks about his job.","Joey: oh why don't you fly out there and surprise him.","Monica:: maybe I will go (thinks) yea will have a second honeymoon at the Tulsa romana.","Joey: oh and you know what you should bring the black see-through teddy with the attached garters. (Nods)","Monica:: how do you know I have one of those?","Joey: didn't till just now.","(Monica goes to the back and Joey looks at the girl)","Joey: hot not hot (she turns around) Hot!","Hayley: excuse me?","Joey: I said I think you're hot and now I'm embarrassed.","Hayley: oh I thought you said Hi.","Joey: that would've been better, I'll try that Hi I'm Joey.","Hayley: I'm Hayley.","Joey: look I don't usually ask out women that I meet in coffeehouses","Gunther: HA!","Joey: (turns round) gesundheit","Hayley: I would love to go out with you.","Joey: really, great, did I actually ask you?","Hayley: no that's just where you were going I just figured that I'd help you out, you don't seem like the kind of guy that does this very a lot.","Gunther: HA!","Joey: (turns round again) seriously Gunther you should see someone about that cold, if it gets much worse you could DIE! (Gunther looks scared)","[Scene: Ross is at Phoebe's.]","Ross: so how'd the date go?","Phoebe: well it was awful every time I thought about what you said I started crying.","Ross: So he hasn't called?","Phoebe: would you call this girl? (Puts on a crying act) thanks-fo-r-a-love-ly-even-ing","Ross: now I feel terrible this is all my fault.","Phoebe: well you not what you should feel terrible about, this could have been my serious guy he was sweet and smart and funny. Do you know how hard it is to meet a guy like that?","Ross: We are a rare breed.","[Scene: Joey is back at Hayleys apartment.]","Hayley: what a great dinner.","Joey: yeah and hey thanks again for letting me having that last piece of cake at the restaurant.","Hayley: (laughs) your welcome again, I'm gonna make some coffee can I get you anything?","Joey: do you have any cake?","(Hayley laughs and goes into the kitchen thinking it's a joke, Joey doesn't see what's so funny about it)",">>> Joey's Subconscious So this is going pretty good. dinner was nice, got a lot in common. (Sees a magazine) Victoria's secret huh we even like the same books. (Walks over to a painting on the wall) Oh now there's a scary painting. wait a minute I think I've been scared by that painting before. (Looks around) You know what this whole place look familiar I have definitely been in this apartment I know I've seen this weird plant before (it's a cactus and he touch's it) AWCH! It did that the last time. Oh my god, I've gone out with this girl before yeah we had s*x on this couch and then on that chair and no. no we didn't do it hear which is weird because it seems like a perfectly good place.","Joey: (bends down to see and the cactus pricks him in the ass) AWCH! That's why.","[Scene: Ross goes to see Mike to explain about Phoebe.]","Ross: (He knocks at the door, Mike opens it) Hey Mike sorry to just drop by like this, can I come in?","Mike: Sure (looks confused) who are you?","Ross: I'm Ross, Phoebe's friend from the coffeehouse.","Mike: Oh.","Ross: yeah I really, really need to talk to you about something.","Mike: Ok, unless you're not gonna try to get me to join a cult are you?","Ross: (laughs) No","Mike: oh it's just you have that look (shuts the front door)","Ross: Damn super cuts!","Mike: what's up is Phoebe ok?","Ross: oh no yeah, no Phoebe is great, but umm I'm an idiot look right before you guys went out I accidentally got her all upset.","Mike: that's why she was weird.","Ross: yes, yeah I said something stupid about her never having had a serious relationship, but you should know she is so much fun, a wonderful person please don't blow her off.","Mike: I'm not blowing her off, I actually just got off the phone with her, were going out tomorrow night, I mean I hope that's ok with you stranger from the coffee house.","Ross: well then I didn't need to bother you or the four other Mike Hanagens I bothered.","Mike: hey wait wait wait wait wait! Is that true what you said Phoebe's never had a serious relationship?","Ross: of course she has. if she'd never had a serious relationship I'd go round broadcasting it like some unstoppable moron.","Mike: but you did say it","Ross: yes, yes I did. and I will also say what I'm about to say Vis-\ufffd-vis the following Phoebe has never had a serious relationship since her. super-serious relationship with. Vicrum.","Mike: Vicrum?","Ross: WHAT THAT'S A REAL NAME!","[Scene: Chandler arrives home from work.]","Chandler: (enters singing) Oklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plane, STOP IT! Why couldn't they have sent me to Texas? 7 o clock maybe I'll hit the gym (sits down) who am I kidding pay-per-view p0rn.","-Cuts to Monica (She's just arrived outside his room she fixes a bent photo hanging on the wall then sprays mint in her mouth and enter)","Chandler: DO NOT DISTURB DO NOT DISTURB! Monica: (smiles)","Monica:: is everything all right?","Chandler: everything's great, just watching some regular television there, what a pleasant surprise. (She hugs him, and she knows what he was doing so she looks at the TV and sees sharks swimming around thinking Chandler was giving himself a treat to sharks.)","Monica:: I'm gonna go freshen up ok","Chandler: Ok honey. that was close. -Cut to Rachel (Phone ringing)","Rachel: Hello","Monica:: Hey Rach its me ok I just got the Chandler's room and I caught him molesting himself.","Rachel: Oh that couldn't have been pretty. but you know guys do that.","Monica:: yea well the weird part is... he was getting off to a shark attack show!","Rachel: Nooooooooo!","Monica:: Yes! Chandler Watches Shark p0rn!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Rachel is at Monica's, talking about Chandler & him watching \"Shark p0rn\".]","Rachel: well watching sharks? Are you sure that's what he was doing?","Monica:: do you know how many times I've seen him jump up like that, believe me I know what he was doing.","Rachel: man sharks. I always knew there was something weird about that dude. But you promised to love him no matter what.","Monica:: what means if he gets like a disease or kills someone. not if he gets his jollys to jaws!","Rachel: Ah! You know what honey guys are just different, they like things that we can't understand, you know I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend he was an archeologist and I was a naughty cave woman that he unfroze from a block of ice.","Monica:: Eww are you talking about my bother.","Rachel: yeah I didn't disguise that very well did i.","Joey: (enters) Hey","Rachel: (sits down) Hi","Joey: listen to this... I went out with this girl last night and half way through our date I realized I already slept with her.","(Monica makes a strange face and sits down)","Rachel: so basically you've slept with all the woman in New York and now you're just going around again.","Joey: well that's not even the weird part. I don't think she remembered sleeping with me.","Monica:: But you don't remember sleeping with her.","Joey: yeah but she should remember sleeping with me I am very memorable, you guys know.","Rachel: what, how do we know, we never slept with you.","Joey: and who's fault is that.","Monica:: what's the big deal, you forgot, she forgot, maybe you were having an off night","Joey: HEY! I never have an off night ok although sometimes when I'm a little bloated I don't feel very sexy BUT EVEN THEN I'M BETTER THEN MOST!","Monica:: Honey why don't you just let it go and ask her out again.","Rachel: yeah your both so slutty you don't even remember who you've slept with, you're made for each other.","Joey: Interesting. all right I'll go out with her again and try to get past it (reaches for the chips) OH SALT BLOATY!","Monica:: Joey, Joey.","Joey: What?","Monica:: you don't think sharks are sexy do you?","Joey: No. (Pause) wait a minute what was the little mermaid?","(Monica just looks at him, and Rachel wants to laugh)","[Scene: Phoebe's at her apartment waiting for Mike Ross comes over.]","Phoebe: It's open.","Ross: Hey!","Phoebe: HEY! Mike called were going out again! YAY! YAY! (She dances around with happiness)","Ross: YAY! (He continues the happiness with her by dancing around) quick thing, I went to talk to Mike.","Phoebe: What? Wha-wha-wha-did you do ROSS!","Ross: oh boy you got mad at that part. I went over there to tell him how great you are but you know me BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, and I ended up telling him that.","Phoebe: WHAT!","Ross: umm. that you had a six year long relationship with a guy named Vicrum.","Phoebe: WHAT! WHY?","Ross: well he seemed to bum hard that you'd never been in a serious relationship.","Phoebe: (Walks towards Ross) If you hadn't just had a baby with my best friend I swear to Lucifer a raber dog would be feasting on your danglers RIGHT NOW!","Ross: well Phoebe, I think you'll feel better when you know a little bit about Vicrum, His a Kite designer (He makes a wow face) and he used to date Oprah. (He makes another wow face)","Phoebe: I'm not going along with some lie you made Ross, No I'm just gonna be honest with him.","Ross: Good yeah just be honest with him.","Phoebe: yeah I've nothing to be ashamed of ok so I haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer then a month. Ok I haven't had a real boyfriend you know if he can't handle that he can leave. which he will and that's ok. so I'll just be alone forever you know alright I'll be. it'll be fine. it'll be fine. I'll go walking tours with widows and lesbians. Oh (takes a deep breath and sits down, knock on the door)","Ross: I'll get it","Phoebe: ok","Mike: (Ross opens the door) You know I'm trying to think of the last time I opened a door and you weren't there, Phoebe are you ok? (She has her hands over her mouth)","Phoebe: Uh huh yeah (stands up) there's just something umm, there's something you should know (Pause) Vicrum just called.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Joey is back at Hayley's place after there date.]","Hayley: so it was kind of a shock after 25 years of marriage my parents, a perfect couple getting divorced, I kinda took it the hardest cause I was the youngest.","Joey: Uh huh, sure, yeah. How can you not remember me?","Hayley: What?","Joey: How could you not remember that we slept together?","Hayley: What! When?","Joey: I dunno!","Hayley: I really, really think I would remember sleeping with you","Joey: come on, come on, search your brain all right. it was (thinks) a certain amount of time ago, I was here you were here, we had s*x (starts pointing out the places) here, here, here NOT there. Anything?","Hayley: no it's not ringing any bells.","Joey: my god woman! How many people do you have to had been with not to remember any of this?","Hayley's roommate: Hey Hayley you've really gotta fix that doorknob. Joey!","Joey: Ooooooooooh, I slept with you! And you obviously remember me Hey! I still got it. (Turns back to Hayley) so were good. (She just glares at him) I'll let myself out.","[Scene: Phoebe is sitting with Mike, explaining about Vicrum.]","Phoebe: .and I said Vicrum you can't just call every time you get lonely you know, you, you gave up that right when you slept with Rachel.","Mike: But Rachel I thought she just had a baby with Ross","Phoebe: yeah well (pause) yeah you know Emma's birth certificate might say Geller but her eyes say Mookurgee.","Mike: that is so wrong and on top of that his a glue sniffer.","Phoebe: I know but he call's and my heart goes to him. You know that b*st*rd is one smooth talking free lance kite designer.","Mike: I just think there's somebody better out there for you, (pause) I mean I'm not saying me but. maybe me.","Phoebe: Oh.","Mike: and you don't have to worry about glue sniffing with me. although I do smell the occasional magic marker, yeah ah anyway I just think I can make you happy.","Phoebe: ok I can't do this.","Mike: what's wrong?","Phoebe: well there is no Vicrum, Ross made him up because I never really have been in a long-term relationship, I've never lived with a guy, and I've never even celebrated an anniversary so. (Pause) if that's too weird for you and you wanna leave I totally understand. In fact I'll close my eye's make it less awkward (She sits with her eyes closed and Mike kisses her, Phoebe opens her eyes and like a little child says.) You kissed me.","Mike: uh huh","Phoebe: so you don't think I'm a total freak","Mike: No. well look can I think your weird and also cool for telling me the truth and also wanna kiss you.","Phoebe: I guess so, can I. can I think it's cool that you kiss me and also wanna kiss you again (they get closer to kiss and Phoebe pulls back) and umm, be a little concerned about the magic markers.","Mike: Definitely","Ross: (They kiss and the phone rings and machine picks it up, its Ross putting on an accent pretending to be Vicrum) This is Vicrum.","[Scene: Chandler arrives home and Monica's got a video of Sharks ready for Chandler.]","Chandler: Hi honey I'm home!","Monica:: Hi, how was your flight? (She hugs him)","Chandler: oh it was great.","Monica:: Here why don't you sit down, get yourself comfortable because I. (Monica shows him the tape then puts it in) have a little surprise for you.","Chandler: well, well, well it must be five in Tulsa because it's six o clock IN NY.C!","Monica:: Ok (sits down next to him) This is how much I love you. (She presses play then puts her arm around Chandler's neck.)","Chandler: (Chandler looking confused) Honey why am I watching a bunch of sharks swimming around.","Monica:: Is this not the good part? Do you want me to fast forward to something a little toothier.","Chandler: no I'm not quite sure you got the right movie that's all.","Monica:: Oh well this is the only one they had at our video store, but they did have something called crocodile killers. Or does it always have to be sharks?","Chandler: does what always have to be sharks.","Monica:: Honey look we can do something else, do you want me to get into the tub and thrash.","Chandler: What's going on?","Monica:: sweetie it's ok, I still love you, let me be a part of this.","Chandler: let ME be a part of this!","Monica:: I saw what you were doing in Tulsa. angry sharks turn you on!","Chandler: no they don't","Monica:: then why were you watching them and giving YOURSELF a treat.","Chandler: OH MY GOD! When you came in I switched the channel, I was just watching regular p0rn","Monica:: really?","Chandler: yeah just some good old fashion girl on girl American action.","Monica:: I cannot tell you how happy that makes me! (They hug)","Chandler: You are an amazing wife. (Monica shrugs) No really you're amazing you were actually gonna do this for me, I mean where do you find the strength and understanding over something like that.","Monica:: Im very, very drunk right now.","(They hug, Scene fades to black)","[Scene: Phoebe is in central-perk with Joey telling him what Ross said t her at the beginning.]","Joey: (looks at a girl walk in) see ordinarily I would talk to her, but my confidence is shaken did I sleep with her? Did I not sleep with her?","Phoebe: you know maybe this is a wake up call, about your whole dating attitude. Your in your thirty's and you've never had a serious relationship and you have never been in a long term relationship, here you go from woman to woman, meaningless experience to meaningless experience never even worrying that it doesn't tern into anything serious.","Joey: your right! I love my life! (He gets up to go and speak to the girl and he turns back and sits down) I actually did sleep with her."],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"09x04","Episode Title":"The One With The Sharks","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_09x10.json","Recap":["Chandler, stuck in Tulsa on Christmas Eve, is alarmed when a female co-worker Wendy ( Selma Blair , \"the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma\"), makes a pass at him. Having had enough, he quits his job and makes it home to Monica and his friends in time for Christmas. This story serves as a framing device for the fifth of Friends' six clip shows ."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Monica & Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there. Phoebe recites the last verse of \"The Night Before Christmas\", written in 1822 by Clement Clarke Moore (1779-1863), to Joey.]","Phoebe: ...sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle; and away they all flew like the down of a thistle; but I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, \"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!\"","Joey: (impressed) Wow, that was great! You really wrote that?","Phoebe: (smiling) Uh-huh.","Chandler: (coming from the bedroom) Say goodbye elves, I'm off to Tulsa.","Monica: I can't believe you're not gonna be here for Christmas.","Ross: You're really not coming back?","Chandler: Yeah, we have all this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. If I don't get it done, I'll be fired.","Monica: It's so unfair, you don't even like your job!","Chandler: So, who does?","(The following responses are overlapping:)","Phoebe: Oh, I like my job.","Joey: I *love* my job.","Rachel: Yeah, I can't *wait* to go back to work.","Ross: I can't get *enough* dinosaurs!","Chandler: I'm sorry I won't be here.","Monica: It's just... It's hard enough not seeing you during the week, but for Christmas... alright, if this is what you have to do, I understand.","Chandler: Thanks. (they kiss) I'll see you new year's day.","Monica: (shocked) You're not gonna be here new year's eve??","Chandler: Did I not mention that?","Monica: No!","Chandler: (thinks for a second, then waves his arms, exclaiming:) ...AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! (and runs out of the apartment)","--- Opening Credits ---","[Scene: Chandler's Office in Tulsa, in the conference room. Chandler's staff\/co-workers are sitting round the table; Chandler is walking around, when he notices a piece of paper attached to the back of his chair.]","Chandler: All right everybody, I know that it's Christmas eve and you'd rather be with your familys, but there's *no* call (he takes it off) for writing \"Screw you, Mr. Bing!\" on the back of my chair! (he looks at it) -- By the way, you can all call me Chandler.","(Wendy enters the conference room, carrying a cardboard box.)","Wendy: Hey!","Others: Hey.","Chandler: Hey. Where've you been?","Wendy: I was, uh, checking out that insurance company's Christmas party on three, oh, it was really beautiful, they have all these decorations and this huge tree and I just, uh... to hell with them, we have to work. -- So I stole ther ham. (She turns the cardboard box upside down over the conference table, a big piece of ham falls out.)","Chandler: (to the others) You hear that? You may not be with your familys, but at least it's gonna smell like ham in here.","Claudia: My kid's in a play right now.","Chandler: Y'know what, I know what will cheer you guys up! (he starts spreading envelopes among them) I had a little talk with the boys in New York, told 'em about all the hard work you've been doing and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order.","Nick: (reading off his card) \"A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet\".","Chandler: Well, that's like money in your pocket! - Alright look, you want me to say it? This sucks. Being here sucks! This work sucks!","Wendy: *Now* it feels like Christmas.","Chandler: I'm sorry. Hey, at least you guys get to go home and be with your familys tonight. I have to go back to an empty hotel room and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. And then tomorrow morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses, wich, by the way, none of you have invited me to.","Nick: You can come to my house!","Chandler: Haha, no thanks!","Wendy: That was a nice pep-talk.","Chandler: Oh, thanks! I'm... actually thinking about becoming a motivational speaker.","Wendy: So, if you were home right now, what would you be doing?","Chandler: Typical Christmas-y stuff, you know? Our holidays are pretty traditional...","[Flashback to 410 - TOW The Girl From Poughkeepsie]","[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing her holiday song.]","Phoebe: So here is a, a very special holiday song that I wrote for some very important people to me.","(singing) \"Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. Now, you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No, don't sing along.","Monica, Moncia, have a happy Hanukkah. Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!\"","Happy holidays, everybody!","[Flashback to 610 - TOW The Routine]","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment, Chandler is there. Phoebe and Rachel enter.]","Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, you look in the kitchen, I will look in the back closet.","Chandler: I can save you time ladies, I'm right here.","Phoebe: Yeah, Chandler why don't you take a walk? This doesn't concern you.","Rachel: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.","Chandler: What? That's terrible!","Phoebe: No-no, we do it every year!","Chandler: Oh well, that, that makes it not terrible.","Phoebe: No, yeah, we never find them! She's always best at us, that wily... minx.","Rachel: Don't worry, we're just gonna search here for an hour, and then we're gonna go over to Joey's and search, OK?","Chandler: No not okay, you can't look for Monica's presents!","Phoebe: Oh no, we have to!","Chandler: No, you don't have to, and you can't because I, I live here too.","Phoebe: Well then, you should look with us.","Chandler: Why?","Rachel: Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?","Chandler: No, I have a great idea for a present for her.","Phoebe: Oh, that's it? (Mimics Chandler) A great idea! Oh yeah.","Rachel: Chandler, that's not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And you've just gotten her one great present? I mean that's just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?","Chandler: If I help, we can find 'em faster!","Rachel: That's right!","(Phoebe looks under the couch)","Phoebe: Ooh ooh, we have a live one!","Rachel: Oh, it's a Macy's bag!","(Phoebe tips it upside down, and a shoe falls out)","Rachel: Oh.","Phoebe: Ooh, who's it for?","Rachel: (Reading from a tag that's attached to the shoe) \"Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch?","P.S.: Chandler, I knew they'd break you.\"","[Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad]","[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]","Joey: Rach, these are for you.","Rachel: Wiper blades. I don't even have a car.","Joey: No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you do.","Chandler: OK, Pheebs, your turn.","Phoebe: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?","Joey: Uh-huh.","Phoebe: You guuuyys.","Joey: And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth.","Ross: You got me a cola drink?","Chandler: And, a lemon lime.","Ross: Well this, this is too much, I feel like I should get you another sweater.","Chandler: And last but not least.","(Chandler and Joey give Monica a pack of condoms.)","Joey: They're ribbed for *your* pleasure.","[Flashback to 710 - TOW The Holiday Armadillo]","[Scene: Monica, Chandler and Phoebe's, Ross is costumed as an Armadillo.]","Ross: Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the Festival of Lights?","Ben: Cool!","Ross: Yeah!","Monica: Come on Ben.","(Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.)","Ross: Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees...","Chandler: (entering in a Santa costume) Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!","Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)","Chandler: Hey! (Grunts as Ben hits him at full speed.)","Ross: What are you doing here, Santa?","Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man?","Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?","Chandler: What?","Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say.","(They walk to the kitchen; everyone is lowering their voices)","Ross: (to Chandler) What are you doing?","Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!","Ross: Thank you, but, but you, you gotta leave.","Chandler: Why?","Ross: Because, I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah, and, and you're-you're wrecking it.","Chandler: But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly.","Ross: I'm sorry Chandler, but this, this is really important to me.","Chandler: Fine, I'll give the suit back.","(Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.)","Monica: (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.)","Chandler: Santa? Really?","Monica: Yeah, is that okay?","Chandler: Did your Dad ever dress up like Santa?","Monica: No.","Chandler: Then it's okaaay! (They kiss.)","[Scene: Back in the conference room in Tulsa.]","Chandler: You know what, everybody? Go home. You should be with your familys. It's bad enough that we're working new year's eve.","(All others are looking up, surprised)","Did I not tell *anyone* about new year's eve? -- Alright, look, go! Go home, okay? Merry Christmas! Go.","(All are leaving, wishing each other a merry Christmas, peace on earth, etc. Only Wendy stays.)","Chandler: Good, God's speed, good people! (he starts to close the door, turns around and sees Wendy) You're not gonna go?","Wendy: Naah... I couldn't leave you alone.","Chandler: Ah. Thanks.","Wendy: Besides, I can't leave until their Christmas party downstairs clears out; there are some *pissed off* insurance people looking for that ham.","Chandler: Ah. (The phone rings; he answers it) Chandler Bing.","[Scene change back an forth: Mondler's Apartment, Monica's on the other end of the line. The phone's speaker is turned on, so the rest of the gang, sitting around the phone, can hear Chandler.]","Monica: Hi Honey! We're all here; we just want to wish you a merry Christmas.","Others: (simultaneously) Merry Christmas! (except for Phoebe...)","Phoebe: (simultaneous to the others) Ble-blah-blar Blargh!","(All the others look at her, stunned\/incredulous)","Chandler: Ahh, merry Christmas; I miss you guys!","Monica: So is it horrible? Is everybody working really hard?","Chandler: Ah, well no, it's just uh, me and Wendy.","Monica: Wendy? -- That sounds like a girl's name.","Chandler: It is. Did I... not tell you about her?","Monica: Umhmm, umhmm, about the time you told me about new year's eve. Where is everybody else?","Chandler: I send them home.","Monica: Ohh, you are such a good boss! Is she pretty?","Chandler: Uhh, uh...","Ross: (in a low voice) Answer faster, answer faster!","Chandler: I don't know!","Ross: (in the same low voice) Answer better, answer better!","Chandler: I don't think of her that way, you know, she's a, she's a colleague.","Monica: What does she do there?","Chandler: Oh, she's regional Vice President; She's... just below me.","Monica: She did WHAT?","Chandler: BE-LOW me!","Joey: Ahh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma?","Monica: *What*??","Chandler: Well, she... she didn't win...","Monica: Alright, well, maybe I should let you and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work.","Chandler: Well, second prettiest that year; I mean, of *all* the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably...","Rachel: (interrupting him) Oh Chandler, stop talking!","Chandler: Honey, there's really nothing to worry about.","Monica: Okay.","Chandler: I'm serious!","Monica: Okay!","Chandler: Merry Christmas.","Monica: Merry Christmas.","Chandler: Merry Christmas, you guys!","Others: (simultaneously) Yeah, Merry... Christmas. (again, Phoebe...)","Phoebe: (simultaneous to the others) Blah blargah, blar-blab.","(Again the others just look at her, silent, puzzled.)","[Scene: back in the conference room in Tulsa]","Chandler: (hanging up the phone) The wife says \"Hi!\".","Wendy: Ah. Fun conversation?","Chandler: Ah well, she's got this weird idea, that, uh, y'know, just because you and I are alone, that something is gonna happen.","Wendy: Huh? Really? -- Hm, that'd be so terrible? (She gets hold of Chandler's tie, slowly moving her hands upwards on the tie, getting closer and closer to him, seductive.)","Chandler: This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but... you're getting ham on my only tie.","(She's getting closer to him, the scene fades to black.)","[Scene: The conference room in Tulsa again, Chandler is trying to evade Wendy]","Chandler: Whoa-ho, back off, Missy! (He takes a step back, but she still keeps her grip on his tie.)","Wendy: (laughs) ...Missy?","Chandler: I don't know; I'm not used to girls making passes at me! ... (She lets go of his tie) Wait a minute... am I sexy in Oklahoma?","Wendy: You are to me... (She gets closer again, putting her arms around his waist\/chest.)","Chandler: (flattered) No,... no... (realizing) NO! (He quickly gets several steps away from her.) Look, I'm, I'm married!","Wendy: So? I'm married. (Showing him the ring on her finger.)","Chandler: I'm *happily* married.","Wendy: Oh. What's *that* like?","Chandler: Right. So, I'm sorry...","Wendy: Seriously? Happily married. So that phone call before, that was ... happy?","Chandler: Well look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart, you know. She's entitled to be a little paranoid... or, in this case: right on money! ... You know, she's amazing, and beautiful, and smart, and if she were here right now, ...she'd kick your ass. Look, you're a really nice person... ham stealing and adultery aside. But, what I have with my wife is pretty great, so nothing is ever gonna happen between us.","Wendy: Okay, let me ask you something: if what you and your wife have is so great, then why are you spending Christmas with me?","(Chandler starts to think about it...)","[Flashback to 716 - TOW The Truth About London]","[Scene: London, Chandler's hotel room. He was getting ready for bed when Monica pays him a visit and they started talking]","Chandler: I mean, you were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight!","Monica: Really?","Chandler: You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms...","(She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?","Monica: Well, not anymore.","Chandler: But we don't do that.","Monica: I know, I just thought it would be fun.","Chandler: How drunk are you?","Monica: Drunk enough that I know I wanna do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.","Chandler: (thinks) That's the perfect amount!","Monica: Okay!","(They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)","Monica: (breaking the kiss) Y'know what's weird?","Chandler: What?","Monica: This doesn't feel weird!","Chandler: I know.","Monica: You're a really good kisser.","Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers?","Monica: Hm-hmm!","Chandler: Okay!","(They do so and they take off their clothes.)","Monica: Wow! You are really fast!","Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.","Monica: We're gonna see each other naked.","Chandler: Yep!","Monica: Do you wanna do it at the same time?","Chandler: Count of three?","Monica: One!","Chandler: Two!","Monica: Two!","Both: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)","Chandler: Well I think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.","Monica: Eh, we weren't that close anyway!","Chandler: Eh! (They start making out again)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Flashback to 503 - TOW The Triplets]","[Scene: A hallway in the hospital, Monica and Chandler are talking.]","Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?","Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not just goof around with him.","Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing s*x and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am *so* bad at this.","Monica: I think you're better than you think you are.","Chandler: Really? Okay, so...","Monica: (interrupting) Know when to stop.","Chandler: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay?","Monica: Yeah. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around:) Don't do the dance.","Chandler: Right!","[Flashback to 524 - TOI Vegas, Part II]","[Scene: The Gift Shop, Monica and Chandler are entering.]","Monica: I can't get married until I get something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.","Chandler: Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! (Picks up a blue sweater.) Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new.","Monica: You're so efficient. I love you!","Chandler: Let's go! (Starts to leave.)","Monica: No-no-no, wait! We need something old!","Chandler: Oh, okay, I have condom in my wallet that I've had since I was twelve.","Monica: That'll work!","Chandler: I don't think so.","Monica: Okay, now we just need something borrowed!","Chandler: (looks around) Here just...take this. (Hands her the sweater.)","Monica: That's stealing!","Chandler: No, we'll-we'll bring it back! Just put it under your dress.","(She does so and it makes her look pregnant.)","Monica: Ohh. (Rubs her fake stomach.)","Chandler: Okay, one thing at a time. (They run out to get married.)","[Flashback to 702 - TOW Rachel's Book]","[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]","Monica: Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.","Chandler: Ehh.","Monica: Eh, you work for that.","Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and I'm sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding.","Monica: You do?!","Chandler: Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy, then, then that's what we're gonna do.","Monica: Oh, you're so sweet. (They hug and kiss.) Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff?","Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, y'know? We'll pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.","Monica: You thought about that?","Chandler: Yeah.","Monica: How many kids were we gonna have?","Chandler: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy.","Monica: What else did you think about?","Chandler: Well, stuff like where we'd live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.","Monica: (laughs) Y'know what? I-I don't want a big, fancy wedding.","Chandler: Sure you do.","Monica: No, I want everything that you just said. I want a marriage.","Chandler: You sure?","Monica: Uh-hmm.","Chandler: I love you so much.","Monica: I love you. (They kiss.)","[Scene: Mondler's Apartment, everyone except Chandler is there; they're opening their presents]","Rachel: (opens her present from Ross; it's a dark-red scarf) Oohh, I love it!","Ross: Really? You're not gonna return it?","Rachel: Well, not (the|this) second!","Phoebe: (at the window) Hey look, you guys, it's snowing!","(The others all get up and go to the window.)","Rachel: Oh wow, it's so beautiful...","Ross: Wow, it really is!","(They all stand a moment in silence, staring out of the window.)","Monica: \"Wendy\" is a fat girl name.","Phoebe: Aren't we done with that?","Monica: Okay, fine. Let's talk about snow. -- Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband is having s*x on a copying machine?","(Shortly after that, Chandler enters.)","Chandler: Hey!","(Surprised, uttering Ahhs and Ohhs, the others are coming over to him.)","Ross: Oh my god...","Joey: Hey-heeyyy - Look at that, it's a Christmas miracle!","Monica: What are you doing here?","Chandler: I wanted to be with you. I missed you so much.","Joey: Hey, hey, uh, who did you miss the most?","Chandler: Monica.","Joey: Got ya. (blinks an eye)","Chandler: I never want to leave you again!","Monica: But I thought if you left, you get fired.","Chandler: Turns out they can't fire me. Because I quit.","Monica: What?","Ross: What, you, you really quit your job?","Chandler: Yeah! It's a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you. And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what he *really* wants to do?","Rachel: What do you really want to do?","Chandler: (realizing) I have *not* thought this through!","Monica: Oh my god!","Chandler: I know, I, I should have talked to you first about it.","Monica: No, I think that this is what you wanna do, I think it's great!","Chandler: Thanks!","Phoebe: Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined.","Chandler: (flattered) Ahh...","Phoebe: Now give me my real gift.","(Chandler hands Phoebe an envelope, and some more to Monica)","Phoebe: (to Chandler) Thank you.","Chandler: (to Monica) Here, pass these, will ya.. (points to the others)","(Monica passes the Envelopes on to Ross, Joey and Rachel.)","Ross: Oh, hey...","(They all open their envelopes.)","Ross: (reading off his card) \"A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet.\" -- How did you know?","Rachel: Wha... are you kidding? I can't return this.","Chandler: I... thought it was a timely start to thinking about other people. Besides, this gift still says I love you guys.","Joey: Mine's is to Lilian Myers.","Chandler: I don't have a *job*! --- Closing Credits ---","[Scene: Mondler's Apartment, Monica is cleaning up, Chandler is sitting on the couch, checking the Job offers in a Newspaper.]","Chandler: Actuary... no. Book-keeper... no. Topless dancer... (he looks down on himself, checking, then nods satisfied and marks the offer with a pen) (to Monica:) Hey, d'you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner. *You* are the head of the household. I don't do anything - I'm a kept man!","Monica: You are! (she picks up a bill from the table, handing it to Chandler) Hey, here's twenty bucks. -- Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow?","(Chandler looks at the bill, thinking... then looks at the offer in the Newspaper and makes some dancing moves to see if he's up for the job...)","--- End ---"],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"09x10","Episode Title":"The One With Christmas In Tulsa","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_09x14.json","Recap":["To get Ross and Rachel to realize they are perfect for each other, Phoebe and Joey set them up on bad blind dates. Monica and Chandler babysit Emma. Guest starring Sam Pancake as the waiter and Jon Lovitz as Steve."],"Transcript":["Written by Sherry Bilsing-Graham & Ellen Plummer Transcribed by Marita Bakken","[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is in the kitchen as Joey enters from his bedroom.]","Joey: Morning, roomie!","Rachel: Hey! You remembered to put clothes on this morning.","Joey: Fifth day's a charm.","Rachel: Oh, Joey, it's so great to be back here. I gotta tell you, you're making it so easy on me and Emma.","Joey: Hey, it's great having you back. You know, stay as long as you want, and when does she stop crying all night?","(Ross enters.)","Ross: Hey, you're not naked! So hey, Rach, when will we expect to see you tonight?","Rachel: Well, I'll probably be back to pick her up around six, but she's in the bedroom all ready to go. But she did actually fall back to sleep, so...","Joey: She's probably exhausted from all that adorable screaming she did last night.","Rachel: Bye!","(She leaves.)","Ross: Bye! Hey, I hope Emma isn't making it too hard on you.","Joey: No, hey, it's been great.","Ross: Yeah?","Joey: Yeah. And look, I just want you to know that with Rachel staying here and everything, all my feelings from before are totally over, okay? And even if they weren't, when you accidentally walk in on a woman using a breast pump...","Ross: Yeah, that'll do it.","Joey: Wow! So, how are you?","Ross: I'm, I'm okay.","Joey: Really?","Ross: Sure, I mean, do I wish me and Rachel living together would have worked out? Of course. You know, I'm disappointed, but it's not like it's a divorce.","Joey: Well, actually it...","Ross: No, it's not a divorce, it is not a divorce! Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to, you know, get on with our lives, maybe, maybe start seeing other people.","Joey: Wow, really?","Ross: Yeah, sure, why not? In fact, if you know anyone that would be good for me...","Joey: Sure, I know lots of girls.","Ross: Yeah? Any names come to mind?","Joey: Ooh, names?","Opening credits.","[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters.]","Phoebe: Hey.","Joey: Hey. I was just gonna get something to eat. You want something?","Phoebe: What you got?","Joey (checks the refrigerator): Okay, let's see, we got strained peas, strained carrots... Ooh! Strained plums. We haven't tried that yet.","Phoebe: Goodie! Thanks. So, how is it living with Rachel again? I mean, apart from the great food.","Joey: I'm fine, I'm fine, it's just, it's just weird what's happening with her and Ross. You know, yesterday he asked me to fix him up with somebody.","Phoebe: Oh my god, Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her too.","Joey: Why are they doing this?","Phoebe: I don't know. They're so perfect for each other; it's crazy.","Joey: You know what's crazy? These jars. What is it, like two bites in here?","Phoebe: I just wish they'd realise they should be together.","Joey: I know, I know. And when they moved back in together, I figured y'know, that's where things were headed.","Phoebe: I know. They should be a family. They should get married and have more children.","Joey: Yes, and they should name one of their kids Joey. I may not have kids; someone's gotta carry on the family name.","Phoebe: You know what? Maybe once they start dating, and they see what's out there, they'll realise how good they are for each other.","Joey: Yeah, because it is slim pickings. I had this date last night: Yuck! But we should probably keep it down; she's still in the bedroom.","Phoebe: So, what are we gonna do? Are we just gonna go ahead and set them up with people?","Joey: I know; that just pushes them further and further apart.","Phoebe: Yeah. (BEAT) Oh, I know what we can do. We could set Ross and Rachel up on horrible dates, so that they'll realise how good they are together.","Joey: Ooh, that's a great plan!","Phoebe: Yeah, you know what the best part of it is? I get to do my \"plan-laugh.\" (A maniacal laugh follows.)","(They both start laughing really loudly.)","Joey: Shhh! Not so loud, we don't wanna wake up, uh...","(He looks at his bedroom door, but he can't remember the name of the girl.)","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. They're in the kitchen as Rachel enters.]","Rachel: Hey!","Monica: Hey!","Rachel: You guys aren't doing anything tonight, are you?","Chandler: See, now, why would you assume that? Just because we're married? I will have you know that we are very hip, happening people. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading the obituaries.","Rachel: I was just asking 'cause I need someone to watch Emma tonight.","Monica: Sure, we'll do that. What are you up to?","Rachel: Well, Phoebe set me up on a date.","Monica: Oh my god.","Chandler: Wow.","Rachel: Why? What's the big deal?","Monica: Just figured, 'cause you and Ross are...","Rachel: What, slept together a year and a half ago? Yeah, I'm all set.","Chandler: Well, I think it's great that you're going on a date, you know? I mean, it sounds healthy. I mean, you have needs. Embrace your womanhood!","Monica: You want a job? Turn off \"Oprah,\" and send out a resume!","Rachel: So I'll bring her by around seven? Is that okay?","Monica: Oh, it's perfect.","Rachel: Oh, you guys are gonna have so much fun! She's at such a cute age. Oh, a couple things. Now that she's eating solid food, she poops around the clock. And watch out for your hair, 'cause she likes to grab it. And oh, she's also in this phase where if you leave the room, she screams bloody murder, but ah... Thanks, you guys. Have fun!","Chandler (reading the newspaper): Suddenly I wish I was reading my own name.","[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is drinking coffee by the counter as Phoebe enters.]","Phoebe: Ooh, Joey.","Joey: Hey.","Phoebe: Hey. I'm so excited; I just set up Rachel with the worst guy tonight.","Joey: All right! Who is he?","Phoebe: Well, it's this guy I used to massage. And by massage, I mean hold down so he wouldn't turn over and flash me.","Joey (gives a thumbs up sign): Okay, okay. Wait till you hear who I got for Ross.","Phoebe: Oh, yeah.","(They sit down on the couch.)","Joey: She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher!","Phoebe: A teacher?","Joey: Yeah, yeah, she's really into history and foreign movies... And oh, oh, she loves puzzles. Huh? Come on, who loves puzzles?","Phoebe: Well, Ross does. What... You're - you're ruining the plan! Joey, you've - you've fixed him up with his perfect woman!","Joey: Oh my god, you're right!","Phoebe: Yeah.","Joey: She even reads for pleasure!","Phoebe: How do you even know a woman like that?","Joey: What? I'm not allowed to know smart women?","Phoebe: Joey.","Joey: I met her at the library. I went in to pee.","Phoebe: So now what do we do?","Joey: Well, okay, I'll - I'll just call her and tell her the date's cancelled, and find him somebody else.","Phoebe: What if we don't find him somebody else? We'll just tell her the date's off, but we don't tell Ross, and he goes to the restaurant and gets stood up!","Joey: Ooh...I hear that's bad.","Phoebe: Ooh, so this is great! Rachel's gonna have a terrible date, Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realise how good they have it together.","Joey: Ah, yes, The Plan! (Laughs loudly again, but he sounds more like Santa Claus.)","Phoebe: It's not Santa's plan. No, it's... (Laughs the real \"plan-laugh.\")","(They both start laughing again.)","Joey: Yeah, you know, it's not that fun.","Phoebe: No, I think we killed it.","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Emma is there in her playpen, while Chandler is behind the couch.]","Chandler: Emma? Emma? Look at me! Well, I think I'll go downstairs for a while.","(He does the ancient trick of going downstairs while behind the couch. As soon as he's out of sight, Emma starts crying.)","Chandler: No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! It's okay, it's okay. I didn't go. Don't cry, it's just a bit! I'm your uncle Chandler; funny is all I have!","(Monica enters from their bedroom with a calendar.)","Monica: Okay, just so you know, I'm gonna be ovulating from tomorrow until the sixth, so don't touch yourself in the next 48 hours.","Chandler: I don't do that.","(Monica looks at him.)","Chandler: I'll try to stop. Wait, did you say until the sixth?","Monica: Yeah.","Chandler: Today is the sixth.","Monica: No, it's not.","(Points at the calendar.)","Chandler: Yes, it's also 2003.","Monica: Oh my god. Today's the sixth?! I may be done ovulating! I may have also served some very questionable meat at the restaurant.","Chandler: It's okay. Go take the test and see if we're okay.","Monica: Okay.","(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)","Chandler: Tough crib.","Monica: Hey, where are all my ovulation-sticks? There's only one here.","Chandler: I might have checked to see if I was ovulating a couple times.","Monica: Chandler!","Chandler: I am not working. There's not much to do around here!","[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross is waiting for his blind date to show up. A waiter walks past him.]","Ross: Excuse me, is there a woman waiting at the bar? Someone average height, dark hair, perhaps doing a puzzle?","Waiter: Uh, there's a drunk Chinese guy.","Ross: Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy him a drink on me.","Waiter: Can I get you another glass of wine?","Ross: Nah, I don't know if I should. I don't wanna be drunk when I go home alone.","Waiter: Got stood up, huh?","Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. It's just a blind date.","Waiter: Are you worried your date came, saw you, and left?","Ross: No!","(The waiter leaves.)","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica emerges from the bathroom.]","Monica: We're okay. I'm still ovulating.","Chandler: Oh, good, because as of four o'clock this afternoon, I am not.","Monica: So, let's do this.","Chandler: I - I don't think I can.","Monica: Come on. I know you're not eighteen anymore, but give it a minute.","Chandler: Because of Emma.","Monica: Oh my god, Emma. Oh, sweetie, I forgot you were here. Oh, you're right, we can't do this. We can't leave her alone.","Chandler: Sorry.","Monica: Unless... Maybe we do it here. I mean, how much can she even be aware of at this age?","Chandler: Well, she's aware when we leave the room. She may notice if we start... canoodling in it.","Monica: Canoodling?","Chandler: Well, I can't say \"hump\" or \"screw\" in front of the B-A-B-Y.","Monica: I don't know. I mean, I guess having s*x in front of a baby isn't so...","Chandler: Horrifying? Scarring? Something people go to jail for?","Monica: I guess you're right.","Chandler: You guess I'm right? When we stayed at that bed and breakfast, you wouldn't have s*x with me because you thought a deer was staring through the window.","Monica: But what kind of a sick b*st*rd wants to do it in front of a deer?","[Scene: Another restaurant. Rachel is studying the menu together with her date, Steve. Steve is the stoned restaurateur from 115 TOW the Stoned Guy.]","Rachel: Wow, everything looks so good! I think I'm gonna have the chicken.","Steve (staring at Rachel): I - I just have to say this; you're really beautiful.","Rachel: Oh, well, that's - that's very sweet. Thank you.","Steve: I'm kind of funny looking.","Rachel: What?","Steve: Oh, come on, you're way out of my league. Everybody in here knows it. Bet that guy over there's probably saying, \"ooh, why she out with him? He must be rich!\" Well, I'm not!","Rachel (feeling awkward): So, what do think you wanna order? I'm really excited about that chicken.","Steve: I'm not funny either. So, if you were thinking, \"well, he's not that good-looking, but maybe we'll have some laughs\"... That ain't gonna happen.","Rachel: Well, come on, Steve; let's not rule out nervous laughter. Hey, now wait a minute. Phoebe told me that - that you owned your own restaurant. That's impressive.","Steve: I lost it. To drugs.","(Steve makes a face as if his mouth is too dry.)","Steve: I silk-screen t-shirts now.","Rachel: Really? What's that like?","Steve: It's really fulfilling doing something you hate for no money. That's right. I have no money, I'm not funny, I live in a studio apartment with two other guys, and I'm pretty sure I'm infertile.","Rachel (awkward chuckle): Now, come on, come on, Steve. There must be something that you like about yourself.","Steve: I do like my hair.","Rachel: Really?","[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are there. Phoebe's cell phone rings.]","Phoebe: Hello?","(Rachel is still at the restaurant, but Steve is gone.)","Rachel: Phoebe, it's me. I'm going to hunt you down and kill you!","Phoebe: Hey, Rach!","Rachel: This is the worst date ever. How could you set me up with this creep?","Phoebe: You know, you are talking about one of my dear, dear friends.","Rachel: I don't care! This guy is a nightmare!","Phoebe: Oh, right, so he gets a little crazy when he's stoned.","Rachel: He's not stoned.","Phoebe: Did he go out for a cigarette?","Rachel: Yeah, four times.","Phoebe: My dear, sweet Rach.","(Rachel hangs up in disgust.)","Phoebe (to Joey): Well, our plan is working. Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.","Joey: Oh, great, pretty soon they'll be back together.","Phoebe: By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico. (BEAT) Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan.","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Emma has fallen asleep in her playpen, and Chandler has fallen asleep right next to her on the floor. He's even sucking on a pacifier.]","Monica: She's asleep. Chandler?","(Chandler wakes up and looks a bit confused when he finds that he has a pacifier in his mouth.)","Monica: What are you doing?","Chandler: Emma was doing it!","Monica: She's asleep.","Chandler: Ooh, she's asleep, that means we can...","Monica: Yes, but we have to be fast.","Chandler (laughs): Okay, I'll try. And you can't make any noise.","Monica (laughs): Okay, I'll try.","(They run to the bedroom and close the door carefully just as Joey enters.)","Joey: Hello?","(Emma starts making noises, and Joey walks over to her playpen.)","Joey: Emma? Hey! Hi!","(He picks her up.)","Joey: How are ya? How are ya? Where are your babysitters, huh? Why's the bedroom door closed?","(He walks over, but just before he knocks on the door, he hears some moans and looks shocked.)","Joey: You can't have S-E-X, when you're taking care of the B-A-B-I-E!","(He walks out quickly with Emma in his arms.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Delmonico's. Ross is still waiting for his date and drinking wine. The waiter comes up to him again.]","Waiter: I've got bad news. The Chinese guy left.","Ross: Eh, if it was meant to be, it's meant to be.","Waiter: Look; you got stood up, who cares? We're gonna show you a good time. Just sit and relax. In fact, let me bring you a crab cake appetizer on the house.","Ross: Wow, free crab cakes. Well, that's nice. Although I was hoping to have s*x tonight.","Waiter: Ooh...","(Ross sees the waiter looking at him.)","Ross: Just the crab cakes.","(Meanwhile, another waiter has come up to the first waiter.)","Waiter #2: What are you doing? Are you trying to get him to stay? Because you can't do that.","Waiter: Just get out of here, okay?","Ross: What's - what's going on?","Waiter: Eh, okay, the waiters have a little pool going. We have a bet on how long it'll take before you give up and go home.","Ross: What? You - you're making money off my misery?","Waiter: Well, if you stay till 9:20, I am.","Ross: This is unbelievable. I - I have never been so insulted in my life. Now, if you'll wrap up my free crab cakes, I'll be on my way.","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. They're done and come out of their bedroom. Emma is still gone.]","Monica: Well, that was weird. You were loud, and I was fast.","Chandler: I think we may have really done it this time.","Monica: Oh, I wish I didn't have to wait to take a pregnancy test.","Chandler: You may wanna get some more of those too.","(They walk over to the playpen.)","Chandler: Where's Emma?","Monica: Oh my god, where's Emma? Where's Emma?","Chandler: Don't ask me, I was in there canoodling you!","Monica: Okay, okay, I'm sure that Rachel came home early and picked up Emma. You go look across the hall, and I'll call her cell.","Chandler: Okay. (Runs out.)","Monica: Hey, you better hope that we're pregnant, because one way or another, we're giving a baby back to Rachel.","[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk. Rachel and Steve are walking home from their date. Steve is sobbing.]","Steve (sobbing): I - I can't believe I'm crying in front of you. You must think I'm so pathetic.","Rachel: No, no, no, I admire a man who can cry.","Steve: Really?","(He puts his hand on her shoulder.)","Rachel: Don't touch my coat!","(Her cell phone rings.)","Rachel: Oh, sorry, it's my phone. Hello?","Monica (on phone): Hey, Rach, how's it going?","Rachel: Oh my god, this is the worst date ever!","(Steve starts crying loudly.)","Rachel (to Steve): Look, you know what, I'm sorry, but did you really think that this was going well? (To Monica.) What's up?","Monica: Hey, did you stop by here?","Rachel: No.","Monica: Oh my god, then...","(Joey and Chandler enter with Emma.)","Monica: Oh, thank god! Emma, there you are!","Rachel: What? What do you mean, \"there you are\"? Where was she?","Monica: Oh, we were playing \"peek-a-boo.\" She just - she loves it when I'm dramatic.","(Monica hangs up, and Rachel looks at her phone.)","Monica (to Joey): Why the hell did you take her?","Joey: Because you two were having s*x!","Monica: No, we weren't!","Joey: Don't you lie to me! I could tell by Chandler's hair. (To Chandler.) You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?","Chandler: All right, all right, we were. We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.","Joey: Hey! It is unacceptable that you two would have s*x with Emma in the next room. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.","(Joey starts to leave.)","Chandler: No, no, no.","Monica: No, please don't. Please, Joey. She will kill us!","Joey: Hey, I gotta! Unless...","Monica: Unless what?","Joey: Unless you name your firstborn child Joey.","Chandler: What? Why?","Joey: Hey, I may never have kids, and somebody's gotta carry on my family name.","Chandler: Your family name is Tribbiani.","Joey: (BEAT) (Laughs.) You almost had me.","(He leaves.)","[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk. Steve and Rachel are still there.]","Rachel: Well, uh...","Steve: Look, I think I know the answer to this question, but... Would you like to make love to me?","Rachel: Really, really not.","Steve: Eh, it's just as well. Doesn't work anyway.","Rachel: All right, well that's good to know. Good night, Steve.","(She walks over to Central Perk and enters to find Ross sitting on the couch, eating crab cakes. She takes off her coat while groaning and shuddering.)","Ross: Hey, what's wrong?","Rachel: I just had a rough night.","Ross: Oh. Crab cake?","Rachel: Eww!","Ross: Well, what happened?","Rachel: Oh, well, I...It's kind of weird talking to you about this, but...","Ross: Monica told me you had a blind date.","Rachel: Yeah.","Ross: I did, too.","Rachel: Oh.","Ross: But is it technically a date if the other person doesn't show up?","Rachel: Oh, oh no. Do you think she walked in, saw you and left?","Ross: Why does everyone keep saying that?","Rachel: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I wish my date hadn't shown up.","Ross: That bad?","Rachel: Well, he makes t-shirts for a living, and he thought it would be appropriate to give me this.","(She holds up a black t-shirt with \"FBI - Female Body Inspector\" on the front.)","Ross: Female body inspector? What size is that?","[Cut to outside. Phoebe and Joey are walking down the street to Central Perk.]","Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?","Joey: Uh-huh.","Phoebe: How - how do I get them to name the next one after me?","Joey: It's easy, you just walk in on them having s*x.","Phoebe: Oh, so they owe me like, three Phoebes.","(Phoebe sees Rachel and Ross through the window.)","Phoebe: Oh my god! Look, it's Ross and Rachel. Oh, the plan is working.","(Joey does the \"plan-laugh.\")","Phoebe: Don't, don't do the plan-laugh.","[Cut to inside Central Perk.]","Ross: The first date we've had in months, and they were both such disasters.","Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.","Ross: Wait a minute; you don't think it was intentional? I mean, that's just stupid.","[Cut to outside Central Perk.]","Joey: We're geniuses! Yeah, look at them, look at them, they're really bonding.","Phoebe: Oh, yeah, they're falling in love all over again.","(Rachel and Ross turn around and look at Phoebe and Joey with puzzled expressions on their faces.)","Phoebe: Oh, they see us! Oh, they, they look mad. Oh, they figured it out. They're coming this way. Run!","Joey: Where?","Phoebe: Mexico!","(They run down the street with Ross and Rachel following right behind them.)","End credits.","[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross and Joey are sitting at a table for four. The waiter is pouring water in their glasses.]","Joey: Can you believe they're still not here?","Ross: I know. A double blind date, and we both get stood up. What are the chances?","Joey: I know, I'm so bummed. Can we have our free crab cakes now?","Waiter: What?","Joey: We've been stood up. (sniffles) And we want our free crab cakes.","Waiter: Guys, give it a rest. Nobody's betting on you tonight. Although we do have a pool going to see how long it takes that guy to cry.","(He points at Steve who's sitting at another table. He's staring at his hands.)","Steve: I have such fat hands!","(He starts crying.)"],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"09x14","Episode Title":"The One With the Blind Dates","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_09x20.json","Recap":["While Rachel is in the same position as Joey was a year ago, Joey holds a Days of our Lives cast party, but does not want any of his friends to attend. Ross gets a crush on another professor, Charlie (Aisha Tyler), who has only ever dated \"Nobel Prize\" winners. He and Rachel catch her and Joey kissing at the party. Guest star: Alex Borstein"],"Transcript":["Teleplay: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen","Story: Shana Goldberg-Meehan","[Scene: Monica's apartment]","Joey: (enters the room) Hey, you guys, what are you doing tomorrow night?","Chandler: (browsing through a diary) Well, let me see... I-I believe I'm... yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.","Joey: Look, my agent hooked me up with six tickets to a great play.","Chandler: I could fall asleep at a play.","Phoebe: What is it?","Joey: It's a one-woman play called \"Why don't you like me: a bitter woman's journey through life\".","Monica: It sounds interesting!","Ross: Yeah, it does sound interesting, I mean, to listen to a woman complain for two hours, I don't think it gets bett... (Ross starts snoring, faking to fall asleep)","Phoebe: I know, I know, we can drive, we can vote, we can work, what more do these broads want?","Joey: You guys are gonna have a great time, I promise!","Ross: What? How come that you don't have to go!","Joey: I wish I could but I just found out that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go, but, you know, take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want.","Chandler: (browsing through a diary) Uh, let's see, who do I hate?","Rachel: (gets up from the sofa and moves to the kitchen but Joey blocks her way) Oh, sorry... Oops, sorry.","Joey: (lifts Rachel up and moves her behind him so she can walk on) Hey, here you go.","Rachel: Ooh... oooh... (pause) (Rachel is all bah-jiggity about Joey) oh, ah... (pause) (to Monica) Can I ask you a question?","Monica: Yeah.","Rachel: Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around and... and not have it be a big deal?","Monica: No, I don't think it ever works. Why?","Rachel: No reason.","Monica: No, no, Rachel?","Rachel: Yeah","Monica: Who do you wanna fool around with?","Rachel: (with high pitched voice) Nobody, forget it!","(Monica points at Joey, Rachel turns and sees him)","Rachel: (giggling and whispering) Maybe.","Monica: (whispering) You can't!","Rachel: (whispering) Why? (Monica gesticulates mumbling something that starts with \"because\") Seriously I did not understand a word that you said.","Monica: In the hall.","[Scene: In the hall]","Monica: You wanna fool around with Joey?","Rachel: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time!","Monica: Who? Who do you know that are friends that just fool around?","Rachel: Ok, off the top of my head... Don and Janet.","Monica: Who, who are they?","Rachel: I know them from work.","Monica: Both of them?","Rachel: No, one of them...","Monica: Which one?","Rachel: I don't know, what were the names I just said?","Monica: Rachel, things can get incredibly complicated.","Rachel: All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we (Joey enters the hall) Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion? (Joey enters his apartment)","Monica: What the hell are you cooking!","Opening credits","[Scene: Central Perk, Ross enters]","Ross: Hey!","Monica: Hey!","Chandler: Hey!","Ross: Hey, you guys won't believe what I have to do for work today.","Chandler: Yes, but, Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.","Ross: (covering with his hand Chandler's face, like pretending he's not there) (to Monica) There're these two professors who are joining my department and I have to meet them here and show them around campus.","Monica: What's so bad about that?","Ross: It's I just know they're gonna be a couple of windbags wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches.","Monica: (fingering her elbow): Ross?","Ross: (looking his elbow, where there's a patch) These aren't suede.","(a woman walks in)","Charlie: (to Gunther) Excuse me, I'm looking for someone. You don't, by any chance, know a Ross Geller?","Gunther: No.","Ross: Hi, hi, I'm Ross Geller.","Charlie: Oh, hi. I'm professor Wealer.","Ross: Oh, oh, that's, that's, that's nice.","Charlie: It's a... It's good to meet you! Thank you so much for taking the time out to show me around.","Ross: Oh, no, it's no big deal, I mean, if I weren't doing this I'd just, you know, be at the gym working out.","Monica: (to Chandler) Is he gonna introduce us?","Chandler: (to Monica) No, I think we're just blurry shapes to him now.","Charlie: And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.","Ross: Oh, ha, I wrote that in one minute.","Monica: (to chandler) Twenty bucks says they're married within the month.","Ross: (hitting Monica with his suitcase) (to Charlie) We should probably get going, you know, we got a lot of ground to cover.","Charlie: Oh, ah, isn't there another professor that is supposed to come with us?","Ross: I don't think so.","Charlie: I'm pretty sure, professor Spafford from Cornell?","Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is \"if you can't come on time, then don't come at all\". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we?","Charlie: You don't think we should wait for him?","Ross: You know what, he's a big boy, I'm sure he'll find us, ok?","Professor Spafford: Professor Geller?","Ross: Oh, damn it!","[Scene: Joey's apartment]","(Rachel enters the room and checks the answering machine)","Jane: (from the answering machine) Hi Joey it's Jane Rogers, can't wait for your party tonight. Listen, I forgot your address, can you give me a call? Thanks, bye.","Joey: (entering the room) Hey!","Rachel: Hey!","Joey: What's happenin'?","Rachel: Yeah, it's a real shame you can't make it to that one-woman show tonight.","Joey: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first","Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah... (she plays the answering machine)","Message: \"Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight\" (Joey's upset and stops it)","Joey: (yelling) Stupid Jane Rogers!!","Rachel: (angry) You are having a party tonight??","Joey: Kinda have a... a thing for the Days Of Our Life's people.","Rachel: And you weren't going to tell us? How did you think you were gonna get away with that?","Joey: I do it every year.","Rachel: You do that every year??","Joey: I didn't have to tell you that!! I'm stupider than Jane Rogers!!","Rachel: Oh, that's why you got these tickets to that play, to get rid of us??","Joey: Yeah...","Rachel: And last year is that why you sent us to that medieval times restaurant?","Joey: Yeah...","Rachel: OH! And the year before that, when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory?","Joey: (Smiling) I can't believe you guys went for that one!","Rachel: Joey, why wouldn't you invite us to your parties?","Joey: You're fine, ok? But everyone else acts like an idiot around famous people!","Rachel: Well, then so you just invite me...!","Joey: (speaking aloud) Please, I was trying to be nice, you're the worst one!","Rachel: Oh, Joey, come on! Please, please! Let me come, I will behave, I promise! I will behave! Please, please, please...","Joey: Ok, ok! Fine! You can come, but don't tell anybody else. It's up on the roof at 8.","Rachel: (yelling and jumping like a child) OH, a soap opera roof party!! I'm going to a soap opera roof party!! Oh my God, oh my God!! (realizing how she's behaving) And it's out of my system!","[Scene: Ross, Charlie and Professor Spafford are sitting at the table in a restaurant]","Professor Spafford: (speaking very slowly) And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galapagos. There was a sea food buffet you wouldn't believe. There were clams, and mussels, and oysters, and cracked crab, and snow crab, and king crab. It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.","Ross: (very bored, he tries to avoid the conversation speaking to Charlie) So, where did you get your undergraduate degree?","Professor Spafford: And that's not all I'm allergic to.","Ross: (to Charlie) Oh, it's not over!","Professor Spafford: I'm also allergic to peanuts, and cashews, and almonds, and filberts...","Ross: So basically all nuts?","Professor Spafford: Interestingly... no.","Charlie: Kinda playing fast and loose with the word \"interesting\".","Professor Spafford: If you'll excuse me I'm going to use the restroom. (he goes away)","Charlie: Oh my God!!","Ross: I've lost the will to live.","Charlie: Let's ditch him!","Ross: What?","Charlie: Come on, he's still in the bathroom! I'm begging you!","Ross: Oh... ok, fine. But... ehm... I just have one question for you, ehm... (aping Professor Spafford) When we exit should we walk, or run, or prance, or stroll...","Charlie: Stop it, stop it! He talks slow but he might pee fast! Ok, let's go!! (they run outside)","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment]","Ross: (entering with Charlie) Oh, hey you guys! This is Charlie! Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica.","Phoebe: Hi!","Ross: Yeah, Charlie is gonna be joining my department.","Phoebe: Oh, you're a paleonthologist, too! (pause) Oh, ok, now, what do you think of Ranion's new theory of species' variegation in segmented arthopods?","Charlie: Well, I think he's a little out there, but he does have some interesting ideas...","Phoebe: Ah, ah.","Charlie: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take this. Excuse me. (she cuts herself off for a moment)","Ross: (to Phoebe) Ranion's theory of species variegation?","Phoebe: Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table and I memorized the title to freak you out!","Monica: (to Ross) So, did you two have fun?","Ross: Oh my God, she's great! I mean, we-we have so much in common and she's just cool, and funny...","Monica: And I don't know if you've noticed but she's a (aloud) HOTTY!! (Charlie looks at her) HI!","Rachel: (she enters wearing a bath-robe) Hey... Hi you guys! Listen, you know what? I'm not feeling really well. I think I can't get out for the play.","Ross: Really? Wh-what's wrong?","Rachel: I don't know! I think it's kind of serious! Oh, you know... I was watching this thing on TV this morning about... Newcastle disease... and I think I might have it!!","Charlie: Oh, Newcastle disease is a secretion borne virus that only affects chickens and... other poultry.","Rachel: ... Ok, who is this?","Ross: I'm sorry, Rachel, this is Charlie Wealer, she's a collegue.","Rachel: Oh, hi! I would check your hand but... I'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease!","Monica: Hey, Rachel, Can-can I see you for a sec?","Rachel: Sure! (Monica takes her apart) Oh...","Monica: You're not sick!","Rachel: What? Yes, I am!","Monica: Ok, then, why are you... (she opens her robe revealing a nice black dress) all dressed up??","Rachel: When you're sick, you do whatever you can to make yourself feel better! (she closes her robe)","Monica: You just wanna stay home so you can make a move on Joey!","Rachel: Oh, no, no! I heard you before, that is so not what this is!","Monica: Ok, what is this?","Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!","Monica: (aloud) WHAT?","Ross: (looking at them) Wh-what's going on?","Monica: Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof!","Rachel: And he didn't want you guys to know about it but I came over here to tell you!!","Charlie: I thought you came to say you were sick.","Rachel: Ok professor or detective?","Phoebe: Joey's having a party and he wasn't gonna invite us?","Rachel: Yeah, and he does it every year! That's why he's sending you to that play! That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory!","Phoebe: And that horrible museum tour!","Ross: No, I arranged that...","(Joey enters, wearing a bathrobe)","Joey: (sounds tired) Hey you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun.","Phoebe: We know about your party Joey.","Joey: What party?","Monica: The game's over! Take off your robe!","Joey: (looks perplexed and opens up his robe) Ok... I mean...","Everyone: No!! Cover it up!!","Joey: (to Charlie after covering himself up again) Nice to meet ya! (Charlie waves hesitantly and Joey leaves)","[Scene: The Roof]","Joey: (To some people) Hey! Hey alright! Hey, glad you could make it (Shakes a man's hand) Thanks for coming.","Monica: Oh my God! Kyle Lowder!","Kyle Lowder: (to Monica) Hi. (walks on)","Monica: (Yells after him) I love you!","Joey: Hey, that's why I didn't invite you. you have to calm down, alright... go, go get yourself a drink or something...","Monica: Oh yeah that's what you want - my inhibitions lowered.","Phoebe: Hey!","Monica: (Excited) Oh my God, can you believe we are surrounded by all this? I can barely control myself.","Phoebe: Monica, you might want to remember that you are married. Where is Chandler anyway? (Looks around)","Monica: (Shocked) Oh my God! Chandler!","[Scene: The theater. Chandler is sitting in the otherwise empty front row, looking around nervously]","Chandler: Where the hell is everybody?","(The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)","Bitter lady: (yelling) Why don't you like me?! Chapter One: My first period.","[Scene: The Roof, Rachel is talking to a guy who hands her a tissue with something written on it]","Monica: (to Rachel) Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this \"best wishes\" crap. I want \"love\".","Rachel: Ok actually Mon, Matthew was just giving me his phone number.","Monica: Oh man! If I had known I was coming to this party I never would have gotten married!","Matthew Ashford: It was nice to meet you Rachel.","Rachel: Nice to meet you.","Matthew Ashford: Call me.","Rachel: Ok","(Matthew leaves)","Monica: (yelling after him) We will!!","Monica: (to Rachel) Look at you with all the guys!","Rachel: Yeah!","Monica: I guess you have forgotten all about Joey?","Rachel: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler!","Monica: Please... Chandler is the love of my life... (At which point a man in leather pants walks by)... oooh leather pants! Have Mercy! (Follows the man in the leather)","(cut to Ross and Charlie)","Ross: (to Charlie) So, eh... it's probably gonna be hard for you to leave Boston, huh?","Charlie: Actually, I'm kinda happy to be leaving... I just broke up with someeone.","Ross: Ooh... so sad... Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard? Especially after working alongside a Nobel Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer?","Charlie: Actually, Alby is the guy I broke up with.","Ross: You... you dated Albert Wintermeyer?","Charlie: Yeah...","Ross: ... And you called him Alby!? (laughs) I mean that's like... like calling Albert Einstein... er... Alby...","Charlie: Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man.","Ross: Eh, you think? I mean, you went out with a guy who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10!","Charlie: Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues...","Ross: (very interested) Oh! like what?! (Charlie looks at him confused, but smiling) Oh I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry... it's just that this must be what regular people experience when they watch \"Access Hollywood\".","Charlie: Ok, you want the dirt? Alby was seriously insecure. I mean, he was really intimidated by the guy I dated before him.","Ross: Who is intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize?","Charlie: A guy who won two.","Ross: (a little suprised) Two? Wha...? Don't tell me you dated Benjamin Hobart","Charlie: Yeah... for three years.","Ross: Oh my God! Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?","Charlie: (smiling and thinks for a moment)... no... bu but there was my first boyfriend Billy.","Ross: Oh yeah? no, no Nobel Prizes for him?","Charlie: No, but he did just win the McArthur genius grant.","Ross: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter)","Phoebe: Hey Ross!","Rache: How is it going with Charlie?","Ross: (sarcastically) Oh Great! After I finish my wine I'm going to blow my... eh. average-sized brains out.","Phoebe: Oh, What's the matter?","Ross: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.","Rachel: I always loved that!!","Ross: Of course you would, your brains are smaller than mine!! (Rachel nods) Man, I can't compete with the guys she goes out with, they are so out of my league! oh my God!","Phoebe: Worse?","Ross: Oh much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians... (gestures with his hands and says in an impression voice?) \"Can we walk\"? (Phoebe starts laughing) Oh, you... you like that?","Phoebe: (still laughing) No. (points to Rachel who stuck two straws in her mouth to look like a mammoth's tusks)","Ross: What? (turns around to look at Rachel)","Rachel: Come on! I think this is funny! (Ross leaves)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Chandler in the theater]","Bitter lady: Well, I bet you are all thinkin' \"Now would be a really great time for an intermission\", huh?","Chandler: (To himself) oh yes, God yes!!","Bitter lady: (now yelling) Well, you're not gonna get one! Because in life there are no intermissions, people. Chapter 7: Divorce is a 4 letter word. (Now standing right in front of Chandler and bending down almost to his level as if speaking to him, yelling even louder) How could he leave me?!?!","Chandler: I... I don't know... you seem lovely.","[Scene: The roof, Joey is walking towards Ross with a guy]","Joey: Hey Ross, this is one of my co-stars, Dirk. (To Dirk) Dirk, this is my good friend Ross. (Ross and Dirk shake hands)","Ross: Nice to meet you.","Dirk: Hey! So what show are you on?","Ross: Oh, I'm no actor, I'm a professor of palaeontology.","(Dirk is confused)","Joey: It's a science.","Dirk: Oh! Hey well listen, I play a scientist on \"Days\". And my character has just won the Nobel prize.","(Ross looks annoyed hearing that even Dirk's character won a Nobel prize)","Joey: Hey Ross, listen, Dirk was wondering about the woman that you brought and if you guys were together, or...","Ross: Oh, well no, but I mean, she only goes out with really, really smart guys.","Dirk: Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs.","Ross: I'd lead with that.","(Cut to Monica holding up her shirt, revealing her bra. An actor stands beside her, holding a pen in his hand.)","Monica: That's it, just sign right on the bra (the actor does so).","Joey: Monica!","Monica: Don't worry Joe, I won't come next year!","(Joey, resigned, walks to Rachel's table)","Joey: (To Rachel) What have you got there?","Ross: Just some boys gave me their phone numbers.","Joey: Ah, let me see! (she hands him a pile of tissues) Damn, that's a lot of guys! Are you a little slutty?","Rachel: (drunken voice) I think I am.","Joey: (browsing the tissues) Let me see if I approve any of these clowns. This guy wears a rug (discards one). This guy's Canadian (discards another). And this guy is in a cult, ok, and it costs you 5,000$ to get to level three and I don't feel any different.","(Rachel is puzzled)","Joey: (discarding all the remaining tissues one by one) Pass, pass, oh, pass, double-pass, pass...","Rachel: (picking up the tissues) Why, why, what's wrong with these guys?","Joey: Nothing major, it's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you, and you deserve the best.","Rachel: Joey, you're so sweet.","Joey: That's true. But you know what, it doesn't matter because I already know who you're gonna go home with tonight.","Rachel: Who (looks around)?","(Joey motions for Rachel to lean in. She does so.)","Joey: Me.","Rachel: (surprised) What? (with a nervous smile) Really?","Joey: Yes, 'cause we live together, that's a joke!","Rachel: Oh! Screw it, I didn't get it! (they high-five)","Joey: Gotcha.","Rachel: Oh, Very funny... Joey.","(Joey leaves. Rachel gulps down what's left of her drink and grimaces.)","(Chandler walks in)","Chandler: (to Monica) So, how did you enjoy the play?","Monica: Oh my god, honey, I'm so so so so so sorry.","Chandler: Well you should be. You missed the most powerful three hours in the history of the theater.","Monica: You really liked it?","Chandler: Oh yeah! I mean at first I hated it, but why wouldn't I, because as a man I've been trained (bitter woman's tone) not to listen! (pause) But after chapter 16: \"fat, single and ready to mingle\", I was uplifted.","Monica: Oh really!","Chandler: Oh yeah, I had no idea the amazing journey you go through as a woman! Tell me, tell me about your first period!","Monica: No!","Chandler: Did somebody sign your bra?","Monica: So I got it when I was 13...","[Scene: At the counter. Ross is sitting there, drinking. Phoebe approaches him.]","Phoebe: Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper?","Ross: It's actually a 1,000,000$ prize.","Phoebe: Go Charlie! But my point is, ok so she dated them but she also broke up with them. Maybe she's looking to, you know, slum it with some average Joe Phd.","Ross: Yeah, maybe. I do have my whole career in front of me. I mean, I can still win a Nobel prize. Although the last two papers I've written were widely discredited.","Phoebe: You're so much more than just brains! You're sweet, and kind, and funny...","Ross: And sexy.","Phoebe: Ok well give her a chance to see all of that!","Ross: Yeah, you're right, thanks Pheebs, I'm gonna go find her.","Phoebe: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch!","Ross: Stop going through my stuff (walks away)!","(Rachel approaches Monica)","Rachel: (to Monica) Hey!","Monica: Hey!","Rachel: I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind: I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna kiss Joey.","Monica: No, you can't! Friends hooking up is a bad idea.","Rachel: Please, what about you and Chandler?","Monica: That's different! I was drunk and stupid!","Rachel: Well hello (points to herself)!","Monica: What about all the guys that you've got the phone numbers from? Why don't you just kiss one of them?","Rachel: I could, I could but I don't want to! I want to kiss Joey!","Monica: Alright (shrugs). I think it's a big mistake but it's your decision.","Rachel: (pause) I'm gonna do it.","Monica: And I can't stop you.","Rachel: No.","(Rachel goes look for Joey. She sees him and Charlie kissing passionately.)","Ross: (to Rachel) Hey Rach, have you seen Charlie anywhere?","(Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)","Ross: I'm smarter than him!","Closing credits","[Scene: The theater. Monica, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the first line]","Phoebe: Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler.","Chandler: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.","Monica: Oh, you're so wonderful.","Bitter woman: Why don't you like me! Chapter one: my first period.","Chandler: Can't believe you guys bought that, enjoy your slow death (runs away)."],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"09x20","Episode Title":"The One With The Soap Opera Party","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_10x01.json","Recap":["Rachel and Joey decide to talk to Ross about their relationship, while Ross tries to talk to Joey about his relationship with Charlie. Ross confesses his relationship to Joey but Joey chickens out. Ross later walks in on Rachel and Joey kissing. Monica has her hair done in cornrows to get rid of her frizzy hair but Chandler hates it. Monica finally comes around to Chandler's way of thinking when she gets her hair caught on the shower curtain. Phoebe finds out that Mike has been seeing a woman named Precious (Anne Dudek) for the past few months and now needs to break up with her. Phoebe waits for Mike to return from his break-up but finds herself breaking up for him when Precious shows up at Mike's apartment. Note: Originally aired as a 48-minute episode."],"Transcript":["[Scene: Barbados, Monica and Chandler's Room. They both enter from Ross's room. Monica still has her big, frizzy hair.]","Monica: Oh, the way you crushed Mike at ping pong was such a turn-on.You wanna...? (plays with her finger on Chandlers chest)","Chandler: You know, I'd love to, but I'm a little tired.","Monica: I'll put a pillowcase over my head.","Chandler: You're on!","(they start to get ready, but then Phoebe enters through the door from Ross's room)","Phoebe: Hey!","Monica: What's up?","Phoebe: Well, okay, Mike's taking a shower, which by the way there's no law against. And then we're gonna grab some food, so if you want...","(there's a door slamming in Ross's room, and some indistinct murmuring)","Ross: ... finally...","Phoebe: Is that Ross?","Monica: Yeah, you can hear everything through these stupid walls.","Phoebe: Sounds like he's with someone.","Chandler: He could be alone. This morning I heard him do push-ups, and then talk to his triceps.","Monica: Wait a minute, I think Phoebe's right. You know I hear someone else in there with him.","(they all put their ear against the wall to be able to hear what's being said. We move to Ross's room where he and Charlie are kissing.)","Charlie: Ooh... Dr. Geller!","Ross: God, you're amazing... I didn't even have to ask you to call me that.","Monica: Oh my God, that's Charlie!","Chandler: She's cheating on Joey with Ross!","Phoebe: Oh that tart... floozy... giant...","Monica: I'm not sure about this.","Phoebe: Yeah, you're right. This is none of our business.","Monica: No I'm not sure that it's the best way to hear everything. Someone get me a glass!","Phoebe: Oh, I'm not gonna do this, okay? I'm not gonna eavesdrop on my friend.","Rachel: (through wall) Ooh... I love Barbados!","(Phoebe starts to listen at the other wall, where Rachel's room is. There, Joey and Rachel are kissing.)","Joey: Ooh... I can't believe I'm kissing you. I'm kissing Rachel!","Rachel: I know, I'm her!","(they start to kiss again, and Phoebe turns to Chandler and Monica)","Phoebe: (whispering) Rachel and Joey! It's Rachel and Joey!!!","Monica: What?","Phoebe: Get over here!","(Chandler and Monica take a sprint to the other wall)","Rachel: ooh...","Chandler: Wow!","Monica: (in her Monica-excited-way... TOO LOUD!) Oh my God, I love how thin these walls are!","(In the rooms next door, Joey, Rachel, Ross and Charlie stop kissing and try to understand what the yelling was about. After a while they continue kissing. We're back in Chandler and Monica's room. Monica has some of her own hair stuffed in her mouth by Chandler.)","Monica: (muffled) Thank you.","OPENING CREDITS","(Rachel and Joey's)","Rachel: Hey, you know, before you said that nothing could happen between us? What changed?","Joey: Well, I only said that because of Ross, you know. Then I saw him kissing Charlie...","Rachel: What? Ross and Charlie? (Joey nods) Wow! She's really making her way through the group, huh? Ah, who am I to talk?","(Chandler and Monica's)","Monica: I can't believe this. Rachel and Joey?","Chandler: How about the dinosaur twins in the other room? No-one is manning that wall!","Monica: I'm on it!","Chandler: Anything?","Monica: I think I hear curtains closing...","Phoebe: We've got shoes being kicked off over here.","Monica: Bedsprings, unmistakable!","Chandler: You do realise that's your brother?","Monica: Not until you said it. Somebody switch! (Chandler makes a clicking sound with his fingers and Phoebe runs to the other wall. Monica returns to Chandlers wall.) Wait a minute... Ross and Charlie, Joey and Rachel, Phoebe and Mike! We're the only people leaving with the same person we came with.","Chandler: That's not true. I came with Monica and I'm leaving with Weird Al.","Monica: Okay, I've had it with the hair jokes. Tomorrow morning, before we leave, I'm going to the salon.","Chandler: Okay Buckwheat!","Phoebe: You gotta hear this, it's great... It's like free p0rn! (Chandler eagerly rushes over)","(Ross and Charlie's)","Ross: Weh...*sigh*","Charlie: uhm... Is everything okay?","Ross: Yeah, It's just... I don't think I can do this...","Charlie: Ooh... Is it because of what might be on the bedspread, because I saw that news report too, with the infra red and the ... I could just...","Ross: No, NO! (they're moving to the side of the bed, where they sit down) Look, I need to talk to Joey. I mean, you guys just broke up. Before anything more happens between us, I need to know he's okay with it.","Charlie: I uhm... I completely understand.","Ross: Alright, I'm gonna go find them... (twitches a bit, looks down) I just need a... need a before I can... you know. (gestures standing up... they sit and wait for a while) Grandma... grandma... grandma... (he tries to concentrate...) Okay, I see you later.","Charlie: Okay...","(Chandler and Monica's, all three of them are listening at the wall to Ross and Charlie's)","Phoebe: That's the door. He's gone...","Chandler: And she's... turning on the TV... and watching... Miss Congeniality!","Monica: Honey, if you know it through a wall, you know it too well!","(They are still listening at the wall, when Ross enters their room)","Ross: Hey, what are you guys doing?","Phoebe: Oh, we're just... we're sad to go so we're just saying goodbye to the hotel. (hugs the wall) I love you... Paradise Hotel, Golf resort and Spa... (she walks away from the wall)","Monica: (also hugs the wall) Yeah, we had a great time, thank you! (walks to Phoebe)","Chandler: (caresses the wall with his finger) Bye!","Ross: Okay, uhm... Hey, you guys seen Joey anywhere?","Chandler: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... (walks to Phoebe and Monica)","Ross: Well, if you see him could you please tell him I'm looking for him?","Chandler: You got it!","Ross: Thanks! (walks out of the room and starts hugging the wall) Thank you! (closes the door)","Monica: Other wall, people! Other wall!","(they rush to the wall to Rachel and Joey's, and we move to that room)","Ross: (knocks on door) Rach, you there? (Joey and Rachel both get up from the bed)","Joey: Oh my God, it's Ross. What are we gonna do?","Rachel: Oh, ju-ju-just stay calm. Just be calm. For all he knows we're just hanging out together. Right? Just be nonchalant. (Joey like stands at attention with his chest forward and his hands on his sides, looking up at the ceiling with his lips pouted.) That's not nonchalant!","Joey: No idea what it means.","Rachel: Oh... okay, just hide!","Ross: (knocks) Rach?","Rachel: Coming! Try under the bed, try under the bed!","(When Rachel starts to look under the bed if Joey would fit under there, Chandler opens the door inbetween the rooms, grabs Joey by his shirt and drags him to his room, and closes the door again)","Rachel: There's no room under the bed. (looks around because she can't find Joey anymore)","Ross: Is everything okay?","Rachel: Yeah... (still looking to see where Joey went, and opens the door)","Ross: Hey.","Rachel: Hi...","Ross: You know where Joey is?","Rachel: ...I really don't... (looks around again)","Ross: Can I talk to you for a minute?","Rachel: Yeah, sure... (looks outside into the corridor if Joey is there)","(Monica and Chandler's room. Phoebe, Monica and Chandler have their ears pressed against the wall, and Joey looks at them)","Joey: I don't believe this... Have you guys been...","Phoebe: Shhh... This is the listening side of the wall.","(Now Joey also wants to listen, and wants to press his ears against the door, which has a big mirror on it, he hesitates seeing himself in the mirror, but still puts his ear against it. We move again to Rachel's room.)","Ross: And then she told me that she and Joey had broken up, and that part of the reason was that she had feelings for me.","Rachel: (clearly not listening and still trying to find out where Joey went) Uh-huh... right... yeah...","Ross: And you know I wanted to ask Charlie out since the day I met her.","Rachel: (still searching) Oh, I know... I know it's been really hard for you.","Ross: Anyway, one thing lead to another, and... oh... before you know it, we were kissing. I mean, how angry do you think Joey is gonna be?","Rachel: (now looking up at the ceiling) That is hard to say, Ross. That is hard to say.","Ross: You know, I gotta go find him. He's gotta be here someplace.","Rachel: You would think!","(Ross leaves the room)","Rachel: Joey!","Joey: Is he gone?","Rachel: (still can't find him) How are you doing this?","(Joey now enters the room through the door, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe are following him.)","Joey: Pssst...","Rachel: How... wha... Hey! What are you... What is this? Have you guys been listening this entire time?","Monica, Chandler and Phoebe: YE-AH!","Phoebe: Now, what is this?","Rachel: Ah, what is this? Well, lets see, we kissed for ten minutes and now we're talking to our friends about it, so I guess this is sixth grade!","Phoebe: Oh no... Have you thought about it how complicated this could get? What about Ross?","Joey: Well, he's with Charlie now.","Monica: Yeah, but he wants to talk to you before anything really happens with her. And as his friend, I mean, don't you think he deserves the same from you?","Joey: (long pause and he twitches a bit) You're a pain in my ass, Geller!","Rachel: All right, look you guys... Look, we appreciate all the advice, but this is between Joey and me and I think we can handle it...","Chandler: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you?","Rachel: Sure...","Chandler: Enunciate!","Rachel: Get out!","(They leave and Rachel locks the door.)","Rachel: Are they right?","Joey: Probably, yeah... I mean, maybe we should... hold off until we talk to Ross.","Rachel: Yeah... Yeah, we can wait, we don't have to do anything tonight.","Joey: Yeah, I think that'd be best... So, so I'm gonna... I'm gonna take off...","Rachel: (Joey walks to the door) Although...","Joey: (turns around very fast) I like although!","Rachel: I mean, you know... Ross and I haven't dated in like... six years...","Joey: Six years? Wow... It's almost as long as highschool...","Rachel: Plus, you know, he is with Charlie now.","Joey: Absolutely! He's not thinking about you.","Rachel: No...","Joey: I'm thinking about you...","Rachel: Yeah...","Joey: Let's forget about Ross...","Rachel: Forgotten.","(They want to kiss, but just before their lips touch, Rachel pulls back quickly, gasping)","Joey: What's wrong?","Rachel: Nothing...","Joey's voice, but she sees Ross: Seriously... What is it?","Rachel: Nothing... It's really... It's nothing... Come here, come here...","(again, just before their lips touch, she pulls back, gasping)","Joey's voice\/Ross: What's wrong?","Rachel: Sorry, I just uhm... I can't seem to get Ross out of my head...","Joey: Well, maybe I can help. (he grabs her head passionately, closes his eyes and kisses... Ross in Rachel's dress! He realises it too late, and when he does, pushes Ross's\/Rachel's head away)","Rachel\/Ross: Ooh, your lips are so soft... Do that again... (and she\/he moves in for another kiss. Joey, pushes her head away again...)","Joey: Yeah... we really need to talk to Ross...","Both: Yeah","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Chandler and Monica's room. Chandler is packing when Ross knocks on the door and enters...]","Ross: Hey!","Chandler: Hey!","Ross: You guys ready to go?","Chandler: Not quite. Monica's still at the salon, and I'm just finishing packing.","Ross: Dude! You're not taking your Bible?","Chandler: You're not supposed to take that. Besides, it's a New Testament, what are you gonna do with it?","Ross: Learn about Jesus...","(Charlie now also enters the room, Chandler walks to the bathroom)","Ross: Hey!","Charlie: So, did you talk to Joey?","Ross: Uh, no... no. I couldn't find him. I'm just gonna talk to him on the plane.","Charlie: Yeah, sounds like a good idea... Dr. Geller!","Ross: Stop it!","Charlie: PHD","Ross: You're filthy!","(Phoebe enters)","Phoebe: Hey, have you guys seen Monica?","Ross: Uh, actually I think she went to the salon.","Phoebe: Oh yeah, oh, she went to the salon alright...","(Monica enters, with her hair braided and little shells at the end)","Monica: Check it out!","Phoebe: Who's day just got better? CHANDLER!","(Chandler enters from the bathroom)","Chandler: Hey!... aaaaaahhhh!","Monica: What do you think?","Chandler: I think.... I think I can see your scalp.","Monica: Don't you just love it?","Ross: Ye... Yeah... Yeah... You got shellfish in your head.","Charlie: It's so... something... You go girlfriend!","Ross: You've never said that in your life, have you?","Charlie: Not once.","Ross: I thought so.","Monica: And listen to this... (shakes her body so the shells tingle)","Chandler: What d'ya know... It's a treat for the eyes and the ears.","[Scene: Boarding the plane.]","Joey: Whoo, whoo. Wow, it's uhm... kinda weird that I'm sitting next to Charlie after we broke up.","Chandler: Yeah, it's almost if Air Barbados doesn't care about your social life.","Joey: Look, does someone mind switching to sit with Charlie?","Ross: Oh, I uh, I mean, I... dude, I spent the whole conference with Charlie.","Joey: I understand...","Ross: No, I'll do it. (he quickly grabs Joey's boarding pass and gives Joey his one.)","Chandler: Wish I could switch with someone. I really don't wanna sit with Allen Iverson over there.","(Switch to Phoebe and Mike, who are kissing)","Phoebe: Uhm... You know, once we're in the air and the captain turns off the seatbelt sign... you feel free to roam about my cabin...","Mike: You should be careful when checking your overhead bins, 'cause items may shift during...","Phoebe: Aaah... you're not good at this...","Mike: You don't have to go home tonight, do you?","Phoebe: No, I think I can come over. It's Saturday, right?","Mike: Oh...","Phoebe: What?","Mike: Uhm... I can't do anything tonight.","Phoebe: Why not?","Mike: I have a date.","Phoebe: You have a... You have a date? With who?","Mike: Oh, it's... my girlfriend.","Phoebe: (lets go of his hand) You have... have a girlfriend?","Mike: Yeah... Well, when... you and I broke up I started seeing someone.","Phoebe: For how long?","Mike: Three months.","Phoebe: Three months? Okay... This is probably none of my business, but uhm, how long do you think you're gonna keep seeing her?","Mike: I'll tell her that it's over tonight at dinner. I promise.","Phoebe: Oh, okay... good. You do that. And then when you get home, maybe there'll be a special delivery package waiting for you.","Mike: Maybe I'll sign for it. Tear it open. Pull out the packing material...","Phoebe: You know what, we're gonna have s*x. Let's just leave it there.","(cut to Charlie and Ross)","Ross: Right, I'm gonna go talk to Joey. I think this is the right time. He's always in a good mood after the flight attendant says \"duty free\".","Charlie: Okay... Good luck.","(Ross gets up and gestures to Rachel, we cut to Joey and Rachel)","Rachel: Ross is coming over. I think now would be a really good time to talk to him.","Joey: I guess so. I'm just... really nervous.","Rachel: Okay, well keep in mind that by the time you're done, they'll probably be serving dinner.","Joey: Ooh...","Rachel: Still nervous?","Joey: I'm gonna get the lasagna.","Ross: Hey Rach...","Rachel: Yeah!","Ross: Do you mind if I sit here for a sec.?","Rachel: Yeah, yeah sure! Yeah! (mouths \"Good luck\" to Joey and gets up from her seat)","Ross: Hey!","Joey: Hey!","Ross: So, I uhm... kinda need to talk to you about Charlie.","Joey: Yeah?","Ross: Okay, last night after you guys broke up... so sorry to hear about that, by the way... Well, Charlie and I were talking, and..., well...","Joey: You kissed.","Ross: Wha... (gasps) What? What would give you that idea?","Joey: I saw you.","Ross: Yeah, we kissed, but... nothing else... nothing else happened, okay.","Joey: Ross, Ross, Ross... It's okay.","Ross: What?","Joey: It's okay. You know, I totally understand, alright? You guys, make way more sense than her and I ever did, you know. And... I want you to be happy.","Ross: Are you serious?","Joey: Yeah... Now I have something...","Ross: I am speachless... I mean the fact that you would put my happiness first like that. I mean, you're an incredible friend, you know that?","Joey: Oh... uh... look... before you...","Ross: No, I mean it. You are so loyal man, and selfless, and generous...","Joey: I am those things, yeah.","Ross: You know what? I know Chandler longer, so I always think of him as my best friend, but now... I may have to rethink some stuff...","Joey: Dude!","Ross: Hey, if there is ever, anything I can do for you...","Joey: I can't think of anything.","(They both hug, and Rachel, who was in the back of the plane, sees this and smiles.)","Ross: Thanks!","Joey: Yeah.","(Ross walks to the back of the plane, where Rachel is.)","Rachel: So hi!","Ross: Hi!","Rachel: So you eh, you talked to Joey?","Ross: Ah, yeah. We had a really good talk.","Rachel: Oh! That's great!","Ross: Yeah!","Rachel: Oh, so everything's okay?","Ross: Oh, no, it's great. It's great. He is... He is an amazing guy.","Rachel: Ah... Well, obviously I think so too.","Ross: Well, I'm so excited about this.","Rachel: Really? Excited?","Ross: Are you kidding? I have had some very dirty dreams about this...","Rachel: Excuse me! (and she walks back to Joey, who is still looking very impressed about what Ross said to him. Rachel looks at him and hits him.) You didn't tell him, did you?","Joey: I couldn't. He was saying all these really nice things about me. I didn't want him to get mad and take 'em all back. I'm on a edge on Chandler.","Rachel: Oh God! Alright, fine. You know what Joey, forget it. When we go back to New York, I will tell him.","Joey: Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that.","(Chandler walks by and Joey lets out an evil \"muhahaho\".)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Mike's apartment. Phoebe's there and the phone rings.]","Phoebe: Hi, Mike's place.","Mike: Hey, it's Mike.","Phoebe: Ooh, that was fast.","Mike: Oh, err... no, she's not here yet. You know, I think I'm just gonna take off and break up with her over the phone...","Phoebe: Yeah, you can't do that! Oh, come on Mike, strap on a pair.Why don't you just tell her that we got back together. You know, women appreciate honesty. We also appreciate gentle spanking once in a while. Just F.Y.I.","Mike: One more thing... There... might be a picture of Precious on my coffee table.","Phoebe: Her name is Precious? Is she a purebreed or did you pick her up at the pound?","Mike: Anyway, I just wanna give you a heads up.","Phoebe: Okay, oh and you know, if she gets upset, just scratch her tummy and give her a liver snout. (laughs and hangs up the phone)","(there's knocking on the door which Phoebe opens)","Precious: Hi, I'm Precious, who are you?","Phoebe: (stunned) I... I'm Phoebe.","Precious: Phoebe? Mike's ex-girlfriend Phoebe, the love of his life? That Phoebe?","Phoebe: Enchant\u00e9 (she holds out her hand, and they shake hands)","[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica's carrying the laundry hamper to their coffee table.]","Monica: Oh, I can't wait for everyone at work to see these... (plays with her hair to make the shells tingle again) Ow!","Chandler: You go back to work tomorrow night, right?","Monica: Yeah!","Chandler: So if you want people to see them, then by definition you're not having them taken out... say, at the break of dawn?","Monica: Well, if I had them taken out, then I wouldn't be able to do this. (she pushes Chandler on the couch and brushes her hair and shells against Chandler's chest) You like that, right? (again, she brushes her hair against his chest and hums...)","Chandler: What are you singing?","Monica: It's \"Bolero\" from \"10\".","Chandler: It's \"Ride of the Valkyries\" from \"Apocalypse Now\"... See, here's the thing: The corn rose were really a solution to your frizzy hair problem. And now that we're home, we don't have that problem anymore, so if you think about it... I hate them!","Monica: You what? You said you liked them.","Chandler: Did I? Let's refresh. I believe what I said was that I could see your scalp.","Monica: Fine, so you don't like them. Everybody else does.","Chandler: Again, let's journey back... As I recall what Rachel said, was she had never notice the shape of your skull before. And Joey... Well, Joey didn't realise that there was anything different.","Monica: You know what? I don't care. I like it like this, and I'm gonna keep it. You're just jealous because your hair can't do this... (and she shakes her head more violently) OUCH!","Chandler: Hit yourself in the tooth?","Monica: And the eye!","[Scene: Ross's apartment.Someone's knocking on the door. Ross rushes to the door and it's Rachel with Emma.]","Ross: (gasps) Hi... There she is. Hi Emma. Oh my God, I missed you. (kisses her) Oh Emma, I missed you so much. Hey... Did you have a good time with grandma Green? Huh? Did she give you a bottle of anti-depressants again to use as a rattle? (to Rachel)","Rachel: That was one time, Ross, and they were only like 5 milligrams.","Ross: Ooh hey, Emma, daddy has some presents for you okay? Okay? I want you to wait right here. Come here sweetie.","Rachel: Aaah... Ross, actually there's something that I really need to talk to you about.","Ross: (unpacking his bag) Okay, shoot!","Rachel: Okay, uhm... alright, here's the deal.","Ross: (gasps) OH NO!","Rachel: What? What is it?","Ross: Oh, major shampoo explosion!","Rachel: Uh, look Ross, this really isn't easy.","Ross: Oh, it's all over everything. Why? Why me? (looks up)","Rachel: Because you took three hundred bottles of shampoo?","Ross: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You were saying?","Rachel: Well, yeah... Okay, look it's about me and...","Ross: Oh, not another one! Oh my G... And this is moisturiser. It's even harder to clean! Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?","Rachel: Wow! Well, clearly this is not a good time.","Ross: Duh, you think? (enters the kitchen)","[Scene: Mike's place. Phoebe is on the phone.]","Phoebe: Okay, bye. Alright, so Mike's on his way over. See, you thought you guys were meeting here, and he thought you were meeting at the restaurant, so you know... Doesn't really matter who's right or wrong. Point is... I'm gonna take off.","Precious: I'm not letting you leave until you tell me what's going on here. I mean, are you guys getting back together or something?","Phoebe: Alright... Susie, can I call you Susie?","Precious: My name is Precious.","Phoebe: Yeah, I can't say that. uhm... Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you... Mike and I are back together... and uhm... unfortunately that effectively ends your relationship with him. And he's very sorry about that and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavours.","Precious: I just can't believe this... Why?","Phoebe: Well, I don't...","Precious: Oh, why would he do this? I mean, what's wrong with me?","Phoebe: Nothing, there's nothing wrong with you.","Precious: I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do now?","Phoebe: Damn it woman, pull yourself together! Have some pride, for the love of God.","(Precious starts crying)","Phoebe: Okay, not a fan of the tough love.","Precious: I just can't believe that Mike didn't give me any warning.","Phoebe: But he didn't really know, you know. He wasn't planning on coming to Barbados and proposing to me...","Precious: He proposed to you? This is the worst birthday ever. (she starts to cry again)","Phoebe: Look, Precious... Mike's not worth this. You're an attractive, intelligent woman and let's face it, Mike's kind of a wang. I mean, he proposed to me while he was still seeing you... He was gonna break-up with you on your birthday? And, I don't like to kiss-and-tell, but he cheated on you a lot this weekend.","Precious: Oh, my God, maybe you're right. Maybe I don't need him. I deserve to be treated with respect.","(Mike enters the apartment.)","Precious: Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a b*st*rd, and I hope you rot in hell.","(she slaps him in the face, Mike looks like he doesn't believe what just happened. Precious leaves, and he turns to Phoebe.)","Phoebe: You're welcome!","[Scene: Chandler and Monica's. Only Chandler is in the living room and walks to the bathroom.]","Chandler: Honey, you've been in there for a long time... Is everything okay?","Monica: Not really.","(Chandler enters the bathroom, and Monica is standing there in a towel, with her hair stuck in the shower curtain.)","Monica: I have a problem.","Chandler: Really? What happened?","Monica: Well, I was dancing around, and singing \"No Woman, No Cry\" and I got stuck.","Chandler: You can't move at all?","Monica: Oh, well, I can move... (she moves back and forth the shower curtain rail, opening and closing the shower curtain with her hair as she goes)","Chandler: If I untangle you, will you please get rid of the corn rose?","Monica: (looking disappointed) I guess so...","Chandler: (trying to untangle her) Some of these look a little frayed.","Monica: Yeah, I tried to gnaw myself free.","[Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment. Joey enters.]","Joey: Hey!","Rachel: Hi!","Joey: So, did you err... did you tell Ross?","Rachel: Well, I tried, but then he had a shampoo related emergency. So I guess now it's your turn again.","Joey: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so--ooory. (he pushes his breasts together from the side)","Rachel: Yeah, 'cause that's what we do.","Joey: Alright, alright, okay, uhm... How 'bout this, how about this? Tomorrow... tomorrow we'll both go and we'll tell him together.","Rachel: Okay, that sounds fair. It just means that once again we can't...","Joey: I know, I know..., but that's okay. I mean, we can control ourselves, we're not animals.","Rachel: No! Of course we can wait. Alright, so I guess that means good night then?","Joey: Yeah! Good night! (they give each other a small kiss on the mouth, and stare at each other for a while)","Rachel: Goo--ood night!","Joey: Good night! (they give each other a kiss again, but this time it lasts longer)","Rachel: Seriously, good night!","Joey: Stop saying good night.","Rachel: Okay.","(Now they kiss passionately... and then Ross enters with Emma. They freeze, pull away and look at Ross who looks like he just can't believe what he's seeing. Joey straightens his shirt, and Rachel says I'm so-oo sorry, and presses her breasts together, just like Joey did before.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Monica walks in with one of those knitted Rasta hats.]","Monica: Look what I found in the drawer... (Chandler looks up from his book.) And you said I'd never wear this...","Chandler: Now that I untangled you, how 'bout you doing a little something for me?","Monica: Sure, what do you have in mind?","Chandler: I think you know.","Monica: Really? I don't really feel like it.","Chandler: This is what I want to do.","Monica: Okay, I just don't get why you like it so much.","Chandler: (Picks up the \"Miss Congeniality\" DVD) She's an FBI agent, posing as a beauty contestant."],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"10x01","Episode Title":"The One After Joey And Rachel Kiss","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_10x04.json","Recap":["Ross and Rachel throw a birthday party for Emma and desperately want everyone to be there for it. Everyone has prior commitments: Chandler and Monica have a romantic weekend planned, Phoebe has a client, and Joey has an audition. Ross' parents show up and the group begins celebrating. Rachel soon realizes the cake is not a bunny, as planned, but an erotic cake with her daughter's picture on it. She goes off to get it fixed but Ross needs to go get her. Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and Monica battle to see who can leave with Monica and Chandler being left behind. Luckily everyone gets back before Rachel and Ross and Emma's birthday is celebrated just as Rachel envisioned."],"Transcript":["Produced by: Robert Carlock and Wendy Knoller","[Scene: Central Perk]","Monica: (she enters) Hey guys!","Ross, Rachel and Chandler: Hey!","Chandler: Honey, I got us that room at the Woodford Inn this weekend.","Monica: That place in Vermont? You can take a hint!","Rachel: Wait, you can't go away this weekend! It's Emma's birthday!","Ross: Yeah!","Rachel: We're having a party.","Monica: Well, can't you just have the party when we get back?","Ross: No.","Rachel: No, that day... that won't be her real birthday!","Chandler: Gee if only she were one and had no idea what the hell a birthday was!","Ross: C'mon you guys, this is really important to us.","Monica: Well, I'm sorry, but Chandler and I could really use a weekend away. You know, to reconnect... emotionally.","Chandler: There's this thing I really want us to do. I read about it in Maxim...","Rachel: Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day?","Ross: Yeah, we want everyone to be there. As much as I hate to delay your doing weird s*x stuff to my little sister.","Rachel: And I mean, you know, you guys... This is a big deal. I mean, how can we have her first birthday party without her aunt and her uncle!","Monica: All right, we'll stay. We can just drive up after the party.","Chandler: Fine, but if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party...","Monica: Believe me, that is not why we won't be doing that!","OPENING CREDITS","[Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment]","Rachel: You know Pheebs, when I was little, on my birthday, my daddy would hide a present in every room of the house, and then he would draw a treasure map to help me find 'em all.","Phoebe: Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!","Ross: (he enters) Hey guys!","Rachel and Phoebe: Hi!","Ross: Hey, I brought the camera for Emma's video.","Rachel: Oh, good, good! We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she is 18.","Phoebe: Oh, COOL!! Wow, it's like a time capsule!","Ross: Yeah!","Phoebe: Oh, just think... she's gonna be watching that video on a TV that hasn't even been invented yet! With friends who right now are just like babies! And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built to escape the ant people!","Ross: That's the hope! So, is Emma awake yet?","Rachel: Oh no, it's still nap time. But she'll be up soon.","Ross: Ah, and where is Joey?","Rachel: I said it's still nap time.","(Joey comes out from his room, yawning)","Ross: (taping Joey with the cam) Hey, there is uncle Joey!","Joey: Hey!","Ross: Hey, say something to Emma on her 18th birthday!","Joey: 18, uh? (starts to prepare himself to say his \"How You Doin'\" line)","Ross: Joey, NO!","Joey: What, what!? it's for her hot friends!","Ross: When they see this you'll be 52!","Joey: And starting to think about settling down!","Rachel: Hey Joey, will you please set this up for people to put Emma's presents on?","Joey: I'd love to! Yeah!","Joey: (To Phoebe) We were supposed to bring presents?","Phoebe: Yeah! I wrote Emma a song.","Joey: Oh, yeah! How was I supposed to know?","Phoebe: Joey, it's a birthday party.","Joey: Yeah, but for a one-year-old. What's the point... the other day she laughed for like an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it dressed as a farmer. And he's standing next to this cow and the cow says \"El-moo\"! (Joey starts laughing) Yeah... that's a funny cup!","(Monica and Chandler enter)","Monica: Hey!","Chandler: Hey hey! Where's the birthday girl?","Rachel: Oh, she's still napping","Chandler: Oh, sure, she was probably up all night, excited about the party she knows is happening.","Rachel: Look, I know that you guys really want to get to Vermont and this isn't a really big deal to you, but it really is to us, ok? Emma will never have a first birthday again.","Monica: All right... you're right. We're sorry. Now let's wake up Emma and get the fun time started!","Rachel: No really, she didn't sleep well last night, so we can't wake her up.","Monica: Are you freaking kidding me, Green?","(someone knocks on the door. Rachel goes to open it)","Jack and Judy: HI!","Ross: (points the camcorder towards them to record their entrance) Hey!","Monica: So glad you came!","Jack: I can't believe Emma is already one!","Judy: (to Monica) I remember your first birthday! Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard! We had to take him to the emergency room!","Ross: (pointing the camcorder at himself) There's something you didn't know about your dad!","Joey: Hey Mr. and Mrs. Geller! Let me help you with that.","Jack: Thank you!","Joey: Oh man, this is great, uh? The three of us together again! You know what would be fun? If we gave this present to Emma from all of us!","Jack: Which one are you?","(Time lapse)","Monica: I can't believe Emma is still asleep!","Chandler: I know, what are we gonna do?","Monica: I've got a plan. I've got a plan. I'm going to ram this platter really hard into your ribs. You're gonna scream out and that'll wake her up!","Chandler: I'm not going to Vermont with this Monica!","Joey: Hey Pheebs, you know what? I was thinking... since you wrote a song, maybe I could do something for Emma using my talents!","Phoebe: So you're gonna... hit on her?","Joey: No, no, no! My talents as an actor!","Phoebe: Oh!","Joey: You know, I could like maybe... I could do a dramatic reading of one of her books!","Phoebe: Or you could stick a fork in an apple!","Joey: Hey, I think Emma might like it!","Rachel: Oh! Emma might like what?","Joey: Um, my present!","Rachel: What did you get her?","Joey: Actually we prepared performances.","Phoebe: Separate performances.","Joey: But equally real!","Rachel: Well, this sounds like fun! Well, you know what? Actually? People are getting a little antsy waiting Emma to wake up from her nap, so would you mind performing them once now?","Phoebe: Sure, yeah!","Joey: (unconfidently) O K.","Rachel: (to everybody) All right, let's get this party started, huh? Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform a little something for us.","Ross: Oh, great!","Phoebe: (to Joey) Are you gonna be embarrassed going up there having nothing prepared?","Joey: Hey, I do it every week with three cameras pointed at me and a whole crew waiting!","Rachel: So, Joey, what are you gonna do for us?","Joey: I will be doing a dramatic reading of one of Emma's books.","Rachel: Oh, ok, which one?","Joey: Uh, why, it's a... (he picks a book up) one of her favorites, uh, (he reads the title of the book) \"Riding the Storm Out. Coping with post-partum depression\" eesh! (he puts the book back and picks up another) \"Love you forever\". Love you forever. By Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly books. Printed (he pauses and changes the tone to a dramatic one) in Mexico. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she held him she sang \"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be\". (the picture fades and Joey is now finishing the book). And while he rocked her, he sang \"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be\".","Rachel: (crying) Wow! That was amazing!","Ross: Thank you so much for that gift!","Chandler (nearly weeping): I was not ready for this today!","Ross: Amazing... amazing.","Rachel: Oh, Phoebe, I'm sorry! Phoebe has prepared something as well.","Phoebe: That's right, I've prepared a song for Emma. From my heart to hers. For there's no greater gift, than the gift of music. (she starts singing) Emma! Your name poses a dilemma. 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma! Maybe the actor Richard Crenna, he played the commanding officer in Rambo. Happy birthday Emma!","Rachel: Is that it?","Phoebe: No, of course not! I also, you know, prepared a reading (she picks up a book). \"s*x and the single mother. (pause) Finding your G-spot.","Everybody: No, no, no, no, no!","[Scene: Joey's Apartment. Ross is filming his parents ]","Judy: Hello Emma. Happy eighteenth birthday.","Jack: Right now that seems so far away, seventeen years.","Judy: Yes, you'll be all grown up by then. We'll be... Well your grandfather and I might not be here.","Jack: That's true! This message could becoming to you from beyond the grave, Emma!","Judy: After all, my parents died very young.","Jack: And my cholesterol's off the charts!","Judy: Remember, Emma, heart disease kills women too!","Ross (stops recording): Ok, cut! Great. That was... that was just... yeah!","Rachel: Ross, um, don't forget to get a shot of Emma's cake. It's in a box in the fridge.","Ross: Sure.","Rachel: Oh, you're gonna love this cake. I got it from a bakery in New Jersey, Corino's.","Monica: Oh my God, that place has the creamiest frosting! I use to hitchhike there when I was a kid.","Rachel: Well, anyway, they make these great novelty cakes, in all different shapes, and if you give them a photo, they'll copy it in icing!","Monica: Oh, did you do a picture of Emma?","Rachel: Yes! On a cake shaped like a bunny.","Ross: Uh, Rach? Does this bakery by any chance also bake erotic cakes? Say for bachelorette parties?","Rachel: Ross, what are you talking about? (she sees the cake) oh! Oh my God! They put my baby's face on a pen1s!","Phoebe (sees the cake): oh! Now it's a party!","Rachel: Why you guys this isn't funny, all right? If I wanted this cake to be a disaster I would have baked it myself!","Joey (staring at the cake): Uh.. is it ok that I still think it looks delicious?","Judy:(to Jack) Jack, look at this.","Jack: I know what you're thinking Judy, the resemblance is uncanny!","Ross: I am this close to tugging on my testicles again.","Rachel (on the phone): No, no, this is not what I ordered. Ok? I went all the way to New Jersey so that I could have the perfect cake for my daughter's birthday and I need a bunny cake, right now!","Ross: Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby's face off the pen1s, so we can put it on the bunny. (pause). That is a weird sentence!","Rachel: Oh! Believe you me! I am going to bring this cake back, I don't even want it in my home... (Turns towards the cake and sees Joey trying to take a piece and yells at him) Joey, don't touch it!!","Joey: I'm so confused!","Rachel: (speaking to the person on the phone again) Yes, yes. I still want my daughters picture, but on a bunny cake. Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts!","Chandler: To be fair this one does have nuts.","(Time lapse)","(Ross, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen area)","Ross: Hey Mon, that was really nice of you to loan Rachel your car so she could go and get the cake.","Monica: Oh. So nice of her to pull my hair, 'till I dropped the key!","Ross: Well, you know what? While we're waiting, you guys could tape your message to Emma for her 18th birthday, huh? (takes the camcorder and points it at Monica and Chandler) Ok!","Chandler: Hi Emma! It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?","Monica: We're Aunt Monica and uncle Chandler, by the way. You may not recognize us, because we haven't spoken to your parents in seventeen years!","Chandler: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday. (Ross looks disappointed and switches the camcorder off)","Monica: Ross, Rachel promised it would be over by now. We seriously have to go, if we want to get to Vermont. I called them and the last train leaves in a half hour.","Phoebe: And you know, I have a massage client soon.","Ross: You guys, just please.. a little bit longer. I promise, Rachel will be back with the cake any minute. Monica, remember.. the frosting? huh?","Monica: Alright, 5 more minutes.","(The phone rings, Ross picks up)","Ross: (Into receiver) Hello? (listens) Oh no! What happened? (listens some more) Ok ok, where are you? (Grabs a pen and starts writing). Ok, I'll be right there. (Puts the phone down)","Chandler: Was that Emma? Is she up?","Ross: No, Rachel got pulled over for speeding. She forgot her licence so now I have to bring it to her.","Phoebe: Well, if you're leaving, I'm definitely gonna go.","Monica: No! Wait! If anybody gets to go.. it's us (Points at herself and Chandler) We've been complaining the longest!","Ross: No, wait ! You guys, no, no, you can't leave! Rachel already feels bad that the cake's messed up. How do you think she's gonna feel when she comes back here and all you guys are gone?","Chandler: I don't know! You'll tell us on Monday!","Ross: Joey! You're in charge, ok? You make sure nobody leaves! (leaves)","Joey: Got it! (Goes towards the front door and stands with his back to it) Hey hey hey! (to Chandler) Where do you think you're going?","Chandler: To the bathroom!","Joey: Alright, well the rest of you get comfortable, ok, because we're gonna be here for a li...(stops and thinks) Wait a minute, there is a window in there!","Phoebe: Oh no! He's not getting away that easy! (Phoebe and Joey run towards the bathroom and enter)","Chandler: (Yelling) What are you doing? Get the hell out of here! (Phoebe and Joey come out looking shocked)","Joey: Well, that one did not have Emma's face on it.","Phoebe: No, it did not.","Joey: No.","Judy: Well, we better get going, it's late. Jack's not allowed to drive at night anymore. He has trouble staying in his lane.","Jack: Last winter I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. The papers thought it was a hate crime.","Judy: Anyway, it was lovely seeing you.","Joey: Ok! (Opens the door for them)","Judy: Bye... Bye dear.","Joey: Nighty-night!","Judy: Nighty-night!","Joey: Bye, bye.","Phoebe: Joey? How could you just let them leave?","Joey: Hey, hey, hey, hey! I'm not gonna mess with Jack, he's a great man, he fought for our country.","Monica: No, he didn't! He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea.","Joey: (Shocked) Oh! Well that's it! He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in. (turns the bolts of the door, thereby locking it)","Chandler: You do know, I can just turn them the other way around, right?","Joey: Oh! I forgot you used to live here!","(The phone rings, Joey picks up)","Joey: Hello?","Estelle: (on the other side of the line) Joey! It's Estelle!","Joey: Hey! (smiles)","Estelle: So, how did your audition go today?","Joey: (smile fades) What audition?","Estelle: The one I told you about last week?","Joey: What? You never said anything about an audition!","Estelle: (Looks confused) Let me start over. I just got a call about an audition. I think you can still make it. It's down at the Astor Theatre and you need to have a monologue prepared.","Joey: A monologue? I don't have.. (sees the book he was reading before for his \"dramatic reading\") I got it. (hangs up) (announces to the room) Aah! so... I'm gonna take off!","Phoebe: Wh.. what? No wait, you don't get to leave! I've got a massage client waiting outside my door any minute!","Monica: Yeah, and we've paid for a room, that we're supposed to be in right now!","Phoebe: Well, oh, ok now... Only one of us has to stay with Emma. Ok, and as the person who realized that, I get to go!","Monica: No! no! Let's figure out a fair way to decide who's staying.","Joey: Oh! I got it! Ok, everyone pick a number from one to ten. Alright? Whoever gets the highest number gets to go first.","Monica: (She gives Joey a you-are-so-stupid-look) Ok, ten.","Joey: Okay, Monica picks ten, I call nine! Anyone else?","Phoebe: No, lets just draw straws.","Joey: Or.. we could flip a coin, and then multiply the..","Chandler: I'm begging you stop.","Joey: Right.","Monica: Ok, how about this: We got wind up toys for Emma for her birthday. We can make them race, and whoever comes in last, stays!","Phoebe: (Visibly excited) Yeah!! Let's do that!","Chandler: (Also very excited) That sounds more fun than the thing we were going to do in Vermont!","Monica: Everybody get your toys! (They all run toward the table with toys)","Phoebe: Ok! I want the dolphin!","Chandler: Thats a bear.","Phoebe: I'm too excited!","Monica: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!","Joey: Ok, ladies and gentlemen, wind your toys! (they do so)","Chandler: Ok, on your mark... Get set... GO!!!","(Monica, Phoebe and Joey release their wind-up toys.)","Phoebe: Go! Go!","Joey: Come on robot!","(Phoebe's bear takes the lead, followed by Joey's robot, and far behind is Chandler and Monica's dog, which walks a few paces, stops and starts barking, sits, walks again, and so on... )","Monica: (to the dog) What are you barking at?","(While Phoebe's bear is still in the lead, it is now closely followed by Joey's robot. Chandler and Monica's dog however, sits down, barking... and does a backflip.)","Monica: Wha... How the hell is that gonna help?","Chandler: I bought you. How did I forget that that's all you do?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Meanwhile the race has been won by Phoebe's bear, followed by Joey's robot)","Joey: Way to go robot!","Phoebe: Good job Alan!","Joey: Hey, good race you guys.","Phoebe: Yeah, see you later!","(Joey and Phoebe leave for the door)","Monica: No! No, no... wait! We didn't lose. (turns to Chandler) The rules clearly stated that the last one to cross the finish line was the loser. Well, our dog never crossed the finish line, so technically...","Chandler: They left.","(Monica turns to see the closed door.)","[ Scene: The freeway. Rachel is driving Monica's Porsche, while using her mobile phone. Ross is sitting next to her.]","Rachel: (into the phone) No, there isn't time to go to the bakery. We're just gonna come home... Everybody left? Alright, well just tell Emma we're gonna be there as soon as we can. (emotionally) Bye...","(She hangs up, closes her phone, turns around and puts it in her bag which is in the back of the car. While doing this and not looking at the road, she turns the steering wheel by accident, which makes the car swerve.)","Ross: RACHEL!","Rachel: OOH! God! Sorry!","Ross: (sarcastically) I can't believe they gave you a ticket. You're such a good driver.","(Ross fastens his seat belt.)","Rachel: Emma's awake.","Ross: Yeah?","Rachel: I can't believe this. This is her first birthday. She's awake. We're not even there. Everybody left. We still have this stupid obscene cake.","Ross: Hey, maybe I can fix that, you know. Try to turn it into something else. (he opens the box)","Rachel: Oh, why do you even bother? I already ruined her first birthday... And do you know how important these early experiences are Ross? Very! According to the back cover of that book that you gave me.","Ross: Rach, she's not going to remember this.","Rachel: (shakes her head) I guess... Oh, I just had such an idea of what this day would be like, you know? Emma laughing and everybody gathered around her cake singing \"Happy Birthday\". Then we would all go into... HEY GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU STUPID STUDENT DRIVER!!! (honks furiously, and Ross looks at her in disbelief and Rachel looks at him.) They have to learn!","Ross: (looks back at the cake) Hey!","Rachel: What?","Ross: It's not bad.","Rachel: (she looks at the cake) Oh my God! Look what... you made it into a bunny. How did you do that?","Ross: Well, I just made these two things uhm... cheeks. And then I split this to make ears.","Rachel: Well, I'm very impressed.","Ross: Some can sing, some can dance. I apparently can turn phallic cakes into woodland creatures.","[ Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment. Chandler, Monica and Emma are sitting on the floor, and Emma's stuffed animals are lined up in front of them.]","Monica: Now another way to organise your stuffed animals, is by size.","Chandler: I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica?","Monica: Game?","Chandler: Emma, you even know it's your birthday today? You're one! One-year-old, that's little.","(With his index finger he shows her how old she is. Emma also points her finger and babbles...)","Chandler: Ooh! That's my girl!","Monica: That's how old you are.","Chandler: Did I teach her that? Did I just... impart wisdom?","Monica: (embraces Emma tightly) Ooh, I want one...","Chandler: Me too...","(There's a couple of seconds of silence. Then Chandler looks around...)","Chandler: There's no-one around. Why don't we just take this one?","Monica: ...and head to Canada!","Chandler: I was kidding.","Monica: I wasn't. Let's get going!","(Phoebe enters the apartment again.)","Phoebe: Hey, are Ross and Rachel back?","Chandler: No, not yet.","Phoebe: Oh good, I didn't miss the party.","Monica: What about your massage client?","Phoebe: I just felt so bad, missing this. So I just slipped him a little something, you know. As long as I'm back in five or six hours, it will be alright.","(Joey comes running into the apartment, out of breath.)","Joey: Okay, if Ross and Rachel ask, I've been here the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME!","(Ross and Rachel enter.)","Joey: (to Ross and Rachel) I've been here the whole time!","Ross: Joey, we just saw you come in. You ran past us on the stairs.","Rachel: I don't care that you left. I'm just glad that you're here. Thanks you guys!","Chandler: Hey, guys! Come on! You gotta see what Emma just did.","Rachel: What?","Chandler: Emma, how old are you? How old are you today? (holds up his index finger again)","Emma: Wo-ish. (and holds up her finger)","(Ross and Rachel gasp)","Rachel: Oh! Emma, that's right! You're that many!","Ross: Oh my God! Our daughter's a genius! Rach, this means...","Rachel: (angrily) NO, no science camp!","Ross: Damnit! I'll put a candle on the cake.","Rachel: Oh!... Oh and Emma, look at your stuffed animals lined up so neatly!","Monica: Thanks!","Ross: Okay, here we go! Emma's first birthday cake... Well hey... well, blow out the candle. Come on Emma.","Chandler: Let's do it, come on!","(Rachel wipes away some tears.)","Ross: What's wrong? Are you okay?","Rachel: Oh yeah, nothing! These are happy tears! This is just what I wanted.","Phoebe: (pointing at cake) Hey, you made it into a bunny.","Joey: What is wrong with me. It looked more delicious when it was a pen1s.","ENDING CREDITS","[Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment. It's just Ross and Rachel. They put the camera on a tripod in the kitchen and they are standing in front of the camera.]","Rachel: Okay.","Ross: Okay, you ready?","Rachel: Yeah.","Ross: A-a-and... record.","Rachel: Okay. (they both look into the camera, and Ross waves.) Hi Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and it was really...","(There's a lot of yelling and screaming coming from the hallway, and they get up to look at what's the noise all about. In the hallway, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe are having another wind-up animal race, yelling and screaming fanatically.)","Phoebe: (yelling at the top of her voice) Go, go, go Alan! Run you, hairy b*st*rd! end"],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"10x04","Episode Title":"The One With The Cake","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"FRIENDS_10x07.json","Recap":["Monica and Chandler are worried about the adoption agency interviewer when they learn Joey slept with her and never called her back. They keep assuring her they are not friends with Joey. Joey climbs up the fire escape to check on Chandler and Monica when they won't open the door. Joey pretends he was heartbroken since the interviewer never called him and successfully convinces her of that idea. Phoebe and Mike are hesitant to spend such a large amount of money on their wedding and agree to marry at City Hall with the money donated to charity. They have a change of heart and take the money back but then are guilt-ridden. Eventually the charity rejects their donation and tells them to have a good wedding. Ross tries to help Rachel get over her fear of swings while she helps him get over his fear of spiders."],"Transcript":["Produced by: Robert Carlock and Wendy Knoller Final check by Kim","[Scene: Central Perk]","(Joey and Ross enter. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch, reading a magazine.)","Ross: Hey you guys!","Phoebe: Hey!","Ross: Hey, what are you doing?","Mike: Oh, figuring out our wedding plans.","Chandler: That's funny, we were doing the same thing!","Ross: Yeah!","Phoebe: It's really crazy! The hall, the dress, the food... I-I had no idea how expensive this stuff was!","Chandler: Yeah it is really pricey. I mean, I freaked when I first heard the numbers.","Phoebe: So what did you two do about it?","Chandler: It was pretty simple actually, I came up with a couple of cost-cutting solutions, wrote out a list and Monica told me to go to hell.","Ross: There's no way around it Pheebs, you just gonna have to accept the fact that this is gonna cost you a lot of money.","Mike: I heard that weddings are like a 40 billion dollar a year industry.","Ross: Yeah, and I'm responsible for just like half of that.","Phoebe: But really, it does seem like this money could be put to better use?","Mike: Are you serious?","Phoebe: Yeah! Now, how would you feel if we gave all the wedding money to charity and we just got married at City Hall?","Mike: I think it would make me wanna marry you even more. (he kisses her)","Ross: I've got to say you guys, that's an incredible gesture!","Chandler: (to Ross) Maybe you do that next time you get married!","Ross: No, no, no. The next time it's gonna be a Hawaii at sunset. [pause] But maybe the time after that!","Opening Credits","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment]","(Monica is cleaning the table, Chandler is sitting on the sofa. Joey enters.)","Joey: Hey!","Chandler: Hey!","Joey: What's going on?","Chandler: Our adoption social worker is coming by today so we are cleaning the apartment.","Monica: (sarcastically) We?","Chandler: You know you don't want me to help. You can't have it both ways!","Joey: Hey, is this person who decides whether or not you... get a baby?","Chandler: Kind of. She's coming by to interview us and see where we live.","Monica: And it has to go perfectly, because if she doesn't like something about us she can keep us off every adoption list in the state.","Joey: Hey, maybe I should stop by! She could be a soap opera fan! It's very impressive when the little people know a celebrity.","Chandler: (pointing at himself) Little people?","Joey: (pointing at himself) Celebrity.","Monica: Ok, so I think I'm just about done here, unless you have any bad stuff hidden somewhere, like... p0rn or cigarettes?","Chandler: What...? NO!","Monica: Chandler?","Chandler: (he stands up and he feels very offended) I don't, and I'm offended by the insinuation!","Monica: Ok, so there's not a magazine under the couch, or a pack of cigarettes taped to the back of the toilet tank, or a filthy video in the VCR?","Chandler: I'll admit to the cigarettes and the magazine, but that tape is not mine.","Monica: It isn't mine!","Joey: (going out with the VCR in his hand) Well, I guess we'll never know whose it is!","[Scene: The New York City Children's fund hallway.]","Charity guy: May I help you?","Phoebe: Yes. We're here to make a rather sizeable donation to the children.","Charity guy: Well, any contribution, large or small, is always appreciated.","Phoebe: Well, I think you're gonna appreciate it the crap out of this one (she gives him a check)","Charity guy: Well, this is very generous!","Phoebe: And we don't want any recognition. This is completely anonymous.","Mike: Completely anonymous. From two kind strangers.","Phoebe: Mr. X and Phoebe Buffay.","Charity guy: Well if you like, we can include your names in our newsletter.","Mike: Not necessary.","Phoebe: Buffay is spelled B-U-F-F-A-Y.","Mike: And \"X\" is spelled uhm... \"Mike Hannigan\".","Charity guy: Right. Well, on behalf of the children: thank you both very much.","Phoebe: Sure, I so glad we did this. It feels so good!","Mike: It does. It feels really good!","Phoebe: Oh, look! And we get these free t-shirts! (she takes a t-shirt which was on the counter)","Charity guy: Oh, actually, that's the shirt I wore to the gym.","Phoebe: Mhm... it's moist.","[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment.]","Ross: (he enters) Hi!","Rachel: Hi! Emma will be up in a minute!","Ross: Oh, good!","Rachel: Oh hey Ross... Listen, I heard about you and Charlie. I'm really sorry.","Ross: Oh, that's OK. I'm sure there are tons of other beautiful paleontologists out there.","Rachel: Absolutely.","Ross: There was one! She's it! All the rest look like they should live under a bridge!","Rachel: So, uhm... what are you gonna do today?","Ross: Well, I was thinking of taking Emma to the playground!","Rachel: Oh my God, what!?","Ross: Like I said I was thinking of taking Emma to the museum of knives and fire!","Rachel: Ok, look, Ross. I do not want Emma going to the playground.","Ross: Be-caaauuuse...","Rachel: (upset) All right, well, if you must know... I had a traumatic... swing incident... when I was little.","Ross: Seriously?","Rachel: Yes, I was 4 years old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to-had to cut a big chunk of my hair! (crying) And it was uneven for weeks!","Ross: (sarcastic) And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie!","Rachel: Ok, fine! You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there. And I was thinking Claire Danes.","Ross: Look, I'm sorry to hear about your tragedy, ok? But the swings are perfectly safe, and besides Emma loves them. You know what, you should come with us and you'll see!","Rachel: Ross, those things go like 40 miles an hour! Ok? When you're... and there is that moment when you are at the top, when you just don't know if you're gonna return back to earth!","Ross: Space is filled with orbiting children. (pause) Look, please, just come on, you know, when you'll see the look on Emma's face, I swear you won't regret it.","Rachel: All right!","Ross: Good, you don't want to be one of those mothers who pass on their irrational fears on their children, do you?","Rachel: Irrational, huh? All right, well, I'll remember that the next time you freak out about a spider in your apartment!","Ross: Oh, yeah, that's the same, I am sure there are thirty different species of poisonous swings!","[Scene: Monica's apartment. Somebody knocks the door]","Monica: Oh my God, the adoption lady is early!","Chandler: Ok, ok, here we go.","Monica: Ok.","Chandler: Here we go. Stand up straight. (smiling) Big smile. (opens the door and both are smiling exaggeratedly)","Phoebe: Hello, is this the creepy residence?","Monica: We're waiting for the adoption lady, but, hey, I'm glad you're here. I was cleaning this morning and I found this (she puts a box on the table and opens it). I don't know if you wanna use it, but...","Phoebe: Awe, this is so sweet of you! But you know what? I won't be needing a veil, I actually won't be wearing a dress at all!","Monica: I told you! I am not coming to a naked wedding!","Phoebe: No, no, no, we're not having a big reception, we took the money we were gonna spend on a wedding and we donate them to the children charity.","Monica: That's crazy! (Phoebe looks bewildered). I am sorry. I just can't imagine giving up my one wedding day like that!","Phoebe: We, you know, we're different! We don't care about having a huge party. (She picks up the veil) This is really nice for you, but, oh, please, I put this on? (she puts it on) And, ow, I look (she looks her reflex image on a toaster), why, well, radiant. (pause) All right, well, who cares, I don't need a pretty veil and a fancy dress.","Monica: That's right. You're making a commitment and that's the same, whether you do that at the Plaza or, where are you gonna do it?","Phoebe: City Hall.","Monica: Ow! (Chandler slaps her on her back) Oh, that sounds nice! I am just there for jury duty. They really spruce that place up!","Phoebe: It's ok, it's ok. I made my decision. What I really want is a great big wedding (she covers her mouth)","Monica: Yay!","Chandler: But you already gave all your money to charity!","Phoebe: Well, I'll just ask for it back!","Chandler: I don't think you can do that!","Monica: Why not! This is her wedding day, this is way more important than some stupid kids!","Chandler: That's sweet, honey, but save something for the adoption Lady.","[Scene: The playground. Ross put Emma on the swing and they're ready to play]","Rachel: Ok, careful.","Ross: Ok.","Rachel: Careful, watch her hair. WATCH HER HAIR!","Ross: Rach, she's got like three hairs!","Rachel: I know (she touches Emma's head) but they're just so beautiful! Oh, my God, I just pulled one out.","Ross: I promise you she's safe! No watch how much she loves this.","Rachel: Ok.","Ross (to Emma): Ready sweety?","Rachel: Ok.","Ross: Here we go! (He starts pushing Emma)","Rachel: Ok, careful, ok. (Emma giggles) Oh, she's smiling! Oh my God, she does like it!","Ross: See, I told you!","Rachel: Awe! (Emma laughs) Oh my God! Looks, she's a little dare-devil! Oh, let me push, can I push?","Ross: Oh, absolutely!","Rachel: Ok. Oh God. (To Ross) Get the camera, it's in the diaper bag.","Ross: Ok! (he takes the camera and walks backwards to take a shot) See? Scared of swings, I bet you feel pretty silly (a swinging boy knocks him down) Ow!","[Scene: The New York City Children's fund ]","Mike: We're seriously asking for our money back?","Phoebe: It's for our wedding day! Right, now, is this guy gay or straight, because one of us gonna have to start flirting.","Charity guy: Wow! Are you here to make another donation the same day? I don't think that that's ever happened before.","Phoebe (to Mike): Gay, go.","Mike (to the charity guy): Oh my God, I love your shirt!","Phoebe: The donation we made earlier, we k..., we w..., we want it back.","Charity guy: Excuse me?","Phoebe: Yeah. See, that money was for a big wedding, that we thought we didn't want, but it turns out we do.","Charity guy: So you're asking us to refund your donation to the children?","Mike: Yeah! This feels really good.","Phoebe: I am sorry. I am, but this wedding is just really important to me.","Charity guy: Hey, it's not my business, (he takes their check from a drawer) besides it's probably a good thing. We really would have been spoiling the children, all those food, and warm clothing...","Phoebe: Hey, that's not fair! A person's wedding is important! And especially to me! Ok? I didn't have a graduation party! And I didn't go to Prom. And I spent my sweet sixteen being chased round a tire yard by an escaped mental patient who is his own words wanted to \"kill me\" or whatever. So I deserve a real celebration and I am not gonna let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it.( She storms out)","Mike: She could have been talking about either one of us.","[Scene: Monica's apartment. Somebody knocks the door]","Laura: Hi, I am Laura, I am here for your adoption interview.","Monica: Hi, I am Monica and this is Chandler. Please come in.","Laura: Thank you!","Monica: Would you like something to drink?","Laura: Oh, water would be fine.","Monica: Ok. Great. I am so glad that you are here. We're really excited about getting this process started.","Chandler: Oh, because we love kids. Love 'em to death.Well, not actually to death, that's just a figure of speech - we love kids the appropriate amount... as allowed by law.","Laura: Your place is just lovely.","Monica: Ah, thank you. This building does have a wholesome family feel to it.","Laura: You know, I... I feel like I've been here before. Are any other couples in the building adopting?","Monica: Is that that couple on the first floor? Because we should get a baby before them. Yeah! That guy tried to sell me drugs. (Laura looks shocked)","Chandler: But other than that... wholesome, wholesome building.","Laura: Oh...","Chandler: What?","Laura: I just realized why I remember this place.","Monica: Really? What is it?","Laura: Oh, it's nothing. I went on a date with a guy who lived in this building and it didn't end very well.","Monica: Ohh... that wouldn't by any chance be... Joey Tribbiani?","Laura: Yes!","Chandler: Of course it was!","Laura: Yeah, we had a really great night and in the morning he promised he would call me and he didn't.","Chandler: RAT b*st*rd!","Laura: So you're not friends with him?","Monica and Chandler: OH GOD NO! Nope, no, no, no. No! No, no. Nope! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. NO! (finally Monica concludes) No!","Laura: Well, I'm sorry I brought it up. So, are either one of you planning on staying at home with your child... (someone knocks on the door)","Joey: (form the other side of the door) Hellooo? Anybody in there order a celebrity? (He starts to enter the apartment and Chandler runs to the door and shuts it back in his face) OW!","Laura: What was that?","Chandler: Oh, it's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here. He's great with kids though.","[Scene: Ross and Rachel are at the playground with Emma. Rachel in putting her back in the stroller and Ross is tending to his wound]","Rachel: Oh, oh Ross, oh my God, are you okay?","Ross: SON OF A BITCH! (turns to his right to see three kids staring at him) (To the kids) Oh relax! I didn't say the 'F' word! (They go away)","Rachel: Ross, see! I told you, those swings are evil! Alright, that is it. That is the last time Emma is getting on one of those things for her entire life.","Ross: No! No, no, no, no, okay, it wasn't the swing's fault. It was my fault and kind of that (point to the kid that kicked him) kids fault. Who is still laughing. Nice.","Rachel: Ross, c'mon, please. Can we just get out of here, before somebody else gets hurt?","Ross: No wait, okay, okay, I have an idea. I want you to get on the swing, okay? And you'll see that there's nothing to be afraid of.","Rachel: (looks at him suspiciously) I know what this is all about... You've always been jealous of my hair.","Ross: Look, I just think you're an adult, okay? And you should get over your silly fears.","Rachel: Alright fine. I'll do it.","Ross: Good.","Rachel: If you hold a spider.","Ross: (He freaks out and starts jumping around brushing his sweater) WHAT? WHERE? WHERE?","Rachel: IF you hold a spider.","Ross: I know. (Rachel bends down to Emma and Ross looks over his shoulder again, afraid)","[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.]","Joey: Guys? Everything ok? It's me, Joe...","Chandler: (Screams to interrupt Joey) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA......AAAaaa-doption!!","Laura: What's going on?","Chandler: Oh, just like I said. That crazy... Bert... roaming the halls. (Joey bangs on the door again)","Joey: Guys!?","Monica: Keep on roaming Bert! We don't want any crazy today!","Joey: What's going on?","Chandler: WE'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, BERT. EVERYTHNG'S FINE!!","(cut to Joey on the other side, who finally leaves the door and goes to his apartment)","Joey: Everything doesn't sound fine!","Laura: Is he alright out there by himself?","Chandler: Oh yeah! He has a caretaker. His older brother... Ernie.","Laura: Bert and Ernie!","Chandler: (nervous smile) You can't make this stuff up!","[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike enter]","Mike: You never told me about that guy on your sweet sixteen. Oh, ugh. I'm sorry about that.","Phoebe: (Lightly) Oh! It ended okay. One of my friends shot him.","Mike: Well, hey, at least you're getting a proper wedding. I mean, you really deserve that.","Phoebe: Yeah, I really do. You know, I had nothing growing up. (thinks for a few seconds) Just like the kids I took the money from.","Mike: No! No, no. I see where this is going. Don't make me go back there.","Phoebe: Look, I can't have a wedding with this money now. It's tainted.","Mike: Alright, fine. We'll give the money back.","Phoebe: And if that guy at the charity gives us a hard time, my friend hasn't shot anyone in a really long time.","[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. They are preparing to show Laura around. Laura is standing with her back to the window, Chandler and Monica are standing on either side of her, facing each other.","Laura: Well, I must say, this seems like a lovely environment to raise a child in.","Monica: Oh, by the way, you are more than welcome to look under any of the furniture, because, believe me, you won't find any p0rn or cigarettes under there!","Laura: Oh! Well, actually, before we look around, let me make sure I have everything I need up to here...","(She starts checking her form. Chandler sees movement near the window from the corner of his eye and when he looks he spots Joey climbing up the fire escape and onto their balcony. He warns Monica silently.)","Monica: (Pulls Laura into the spare room) Why don't I show you the baby's room?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Joey enters through the side window and jogs towards the kitchen holding a baseball bat)","Chandler: What the hell are you doing?","Joey: Well, you wouldn't let me in, so I thought you were in trouble.","Chandler: Well, we're not.","Joey: But you called me 'Bert'!? That's our code word for danger!","Chandler: We don't have a code word.","Joey: We don't? We really should. From now on, 'Bert' will be our code word for danger.","(Monica talks loudly in the baby's room)","Monica: So that was the baby's room. (They come out and Chandler throws Joey behind the couch and puts his foot on him. Monica looks at Chandler)","Monica: (To Chandler) What room should we see next?","Chandler: Any room that isn't behind this couch! (laughs nervously)","Monica: (laughs nervously as well, Laura looks confused) (To Laura) Some people don't get him, but I think he's really funny! (She takes Laura to their own bedroom).","(Joey gets up and look annoyed)","Joey: (quivering with anger) I did not care for that!","Chandler: (escorting Joey to the door) You have to get out of here. You slept with our social worker and you never called her back and she is still pissed, so she can't see you.","Joey: Ok, ok! (He leaves)","Chandler: Ok!","(Joey leaves and closes the door behind him. Chandler walks towards the living room, but then Joey enters again.)","Chandler: What?","Joey: I forgot my bat.","(He picks up his bat and holds it up, but then Monica and Laura enter the living room again. When Laura sees Joey, she freezes...)","Laura: Oh my God!","Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't want to buy your bat! (Joey lowers his bat)","Laura: What are you doing here?","Joey: (to Chandler) Bert! Bert! Bert! Bert!","Laura: Are you friends with him?","Chandler: I can explain... Joey...","Joey: Uhm... ok... uhm... Well, yeah... You have got some nerve, coming back here. I can't believe you never called me.","Laura: Excuse me?","Joey: Oh... yeah... Probably you don't even remember my name. It's Joey, by the way. And don't bother telling me yours, because I totally remember it... lady. Yeah! I waited weeks for you to call me.","Laura: I gave you my number, you never called me.","Joey: No, no! Don't try to turn this around on me, ok? I'm not some kind of... social work, ok, that you can just... do.","Laura: (embarrassed towards Chandler and Monica) Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you my number.","Joey: Really? Think about it. Come on! You're a beautiful woman, smart, funny, we had a really good time, huh? If I had your number, why wouldn't I call you?","Laura: I don't know... Well, maybe I'm wrong... I'm sorry...","Joey: No, no, hey, no! Too late for apologies... ok? You broke my heart. You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you? (and he leaves the apartment, leaving her shocked)","Laura: Joey, wait!","Joey: (acting sad) NO! I waited a long time, I can't wait anymore... (and closes the door behind him)","Laura: (laughing nervously) I'm sorry that you had to see that. I'm so embarrassed...","Chandler: Oh, that's really ok.","Monica: Yeah, that we totally understand. Dating is hard.","Laura: Boy, you people are nice... And I've got to say... I think you're going to make excellent parents.","(Chandler and Monica hug each other, and then Joey enters the apartment again.)","Joey: LAURA! (and points to her, very confident)","[Scene: The New York City Children's Fund building. Phoebe and Mike are entering.]","Phoebe: (to the Charity guy) We're back!","Charity guy: Are you here to take more money? Because, I think what you're looking for is an ATM.","Mike: No, no, we're here to give the money back.","Phoebe: Yeah, because you know what, it's... it's all about the children.","(the Charity guy smiles wanting to take the check, but Phoebe pulls it back again. His smile fades.)","Phoebe: Although... it's also about the wedding... Ugh, alright... here. (she gives the check and pulls it back again) No... Oh God... Oh!","Charity guy: If I haven't said so already sir, (sarcastically pointing to Phoebe) congratulations!","Mike: (takes the check from Phoebe) Ok, look! Enough! Alright? I'm stepping in. I'm putting my foot down! As your future husband I'm going to make this decision for us. (thinking) Now... what do you think we should do?","Charity guy: You know what? It's not your decision anymore.","Mike: What?","Charity guy: On behalf of the Children of New York, I reject your money.","Phoebe: But... but... but we're giving you this!","Charity guy: Yeah... And I'm giving it back to you... Come on! Consider it a contribution. (gives the check to Phoebe)","Phoebe: (looks at the amount on the check, and gasps) Well, this is very generous!","Charity guy: Please, take the check, go have a great wedding and a wonderful life together.","Mike: Well, I mean... It sounds good to me. And that way we can save up, come back in a few years and make an even bigger donation.","Charity guy: Absolutely! And when you do, make sure you ask for Brian.","Phoebe: Oh, is that you?","Charity guy: No!","[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are sitting in their living room when the phone rings.]","Monica: Hello...? Oh hi... Oh my God...! Really...? I can't wait to tell Chandler... Ok, goodbye. (hangs up)","Chandler: Wrong number?","Monica: It was Laura... She gave us a great report and we are officially on the waiting list.","Chandler: That's great!","Monica: Now we just have to wait for a call and... and someone tells us there's a baby waiting for us. Oh...","(Chandler and Monica hug and after a while the telephone rings again... Monica's eyes get bigger. Chandler answers.)","Chandler: Hello...? Have you seen Joey's bat?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Scene: The playground. Ross, Rachel and Emma are still there. Rachel comes walking to Ross and Emma with something between her hands.]","Rachel: Ok... I got a spider. There were two, I picked the bigger one.","Ross: (nervously) Ok...","Rachel: Ok... (and passes the spider to Ross who holds it in between his hands)","Ross: (Gasps and speaks at a higher pitch) This feels perfectly normal. Ok, get on the swing!","Rachel: (reluctantly) Ok... O-k...","(She slowly grabs the chains of the swing, swings her hair back, and sits down.)","Rachel: (more confident) Ok...","(She slowly walks forward and backward, to gain speed...)","Rachel: whoo... ok... wow... ok... OH!","Ross: See?","Rachel: A-alright! I can do this.","Ross: There you go! Good for you! And you know what, I'm actually getting used to this little guy. I don't really even feel him in here anymore.","Rachel: That's because he's on your neck.","Ross: Well... (realizes, screaming like a little girl, trying to get rid of the spider) Whaa... aaah... aaahhh...","(Ross is now preoccupied with the spider, and forgets that Rachel is still using the swing. While trying to get rid of the spider, he stands in front of Rachel, who bumps into him, throwing him on the ground again.)","Rachel: ROSS!","(Rachel tries to stop mid-swing, and the swing starts to turn from side to side)","end"],"Show Title":"FRIENDS","Episode Number":"10x07","Episode Title":"The One With The Home Study","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_01x10.json","Recap":["Frasier is told a rumor that one of the KACL on-air staff is getting fired. When sportscaster Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe is called into a meeting with management, Frasier assumes the rumor is true and accidentally reveals it to him. As a result, Bulldog quits the station while Frasier learns that his job was actually safe. Feeling guilty and feeling pressure from Martin, Frasier decides to go to the station manager and beg for Bulldog's job back, only to learn the rumor was true and it was actually Frasier who was about to be fired."],"Transcript":["Act One.","HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE","Scene A: Caf\u00e9 Nervosa. Frasier and Niles are there.","Niles: So I just had to get out of the house. Maris's Junior League are rehearsing their spring musical - this year they're doing \"Cats.\" The past week and a half I've been watching two dozen underweight, tightly-pulled woman in leotards crawling round the music room, meowing. I'm telling you Frasier, my allergies are acting up.","Frasier: Oh Niles, I think you're exaggerating.","Niles: No. No, really. You've no idea how vivid the experience is. As God is my judge, I swear, Mrs. Presley-Bismouth was scent- marking the divan.","Frasier: God, you'd think women of that age would choose more suitable material. Remember the last show they did, \"The Sound Of Music\"? My God, half the Von Trapp children were having hot flashes.","Roz enters with \"Chopper\" Dave and Teddy, a technician.","Roz: Hi, Frasier, Niles.","Niles: Let me guess. The wacky gang from the office?","Frasier: [making introductions] Everyone, this is my brother Niles. This is Teddy, one of our brilliant engineers..","Teddy: [shaking hands] Niles.","Niles: Teddy, my man!","Frasier: This is KACL's inimitable \"Chopper\" Dave. Your Eye in the Sky for traffic.","Dave: [loudly] NICE TO MEET YOU, NILES!","Niles: [to Frasier] Why is this man yelling?","Dave: Oh, was I yelling? Oh god, I was yelling again, wasn't I? I'm sorry, talking over the blades, you know? Whoomp- whoomp-whoomp-whoomp-whoomp-whoomp...","Niles: This has been kind of fun, ah, but I really have to go. I'm conducting a seminar on multiple personality disorders, and it takes me forever to fill out the name tags. [leaves]","Frasier: Well, KACL team, what is on the agenda for today?","Roz: Sit down and listen to this. I got a juicy piece of news, and it's reliable. Alan in Accounting got it from Steven in Promotions, who got it from Cindy in Retail Sales, who got it from Arlene, the station manager's secretary - that the station is definitely way over budget, and somebody's getting the ax. But don't tell anybody, I was sworn to secrecy.","Frasier: Roz, I'm ashamed of you! Gossip, gossip, gossip. Don't you know how destructive that can be? It does nothing but sully good people's names and create an atmosphere of suspicion and mistrust.","Roz: Oh, lighten up. Gossip is the lifeblood of the corporate world. If it wasn't for gossip, we wouldn't know any of the important things, like how much everybody makes.","Frasier: You know my salary?","Dave: NO-ONE'S SALARY'S A SECRET AROUND HERE.","Bulldog enters, squeezing a pair of handgrips.","Bulldog: Ninety-four, ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven...","Teddy: Hey, Bulldog. How's it going?","Bulldog: Great - ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred! - new high for me.","Roz: Squeezing or counting?","Bulldog: [barks at Roz, then goes to counter] Java to go.","Dave: YOU KNOW WHO I THINK'S GETTING DUMPED? FATHER MIKE FROM","\"RELIGION ON THE LINE.\"","Roz: No way. Station loves him. Just gave him a big bonus.","Bulldog, still at the counter, starts going through his pockets.","Bulldog: Hey, where's my tickets to the Sonics game? They were here just a second ago. [hits the counter] SOMEBODY STOLE MY","TICKETS TO THE SONICS GAME! THIS STINKS! THIS IS TOTAL B.S! THIS IS... [checks another pocket] oh, got 'em. Got 'em.","Roz: Hey. You guys don't think it's Bulldog who's getting canned?","Teddy: Could be.","Frasier: Oh, no no no no. He's the station's highest-rated personality. I mean, with the exception of women thirty-five to fifty-four who happen to think that I'm... sort of a god.","Teddy: But he has been in that salary beef with management.","Roz: And I heard him screaming at business affairs for putting his expense account on hold.","Dave: OH YEAH, BULLDOG'S OUT!","The others motion him to keep quiet as Bulldog walks past.","Bulldog: Hey. Have you heard about my new gimmick for the show? If the Seahawks beat Buffalo this Sunday, I promise to do my entire show hanging by my feet.","Frasier: You can do that?","Bulldog: Oh, sure. Practiced all morning. The real trick is drinking coffee. I keep burning my eyes. Hey, Dave. Want my tickets to the Sonics Game tonight?","Dave: [takes them] THANKS! WHY AREN'T YOU GOING?","Bulldog: Ah, station manager wants to see me after work.","He leaves.","Teddy\/Dave\/Roz: Ooh...","Frasier: Oh people, people. You're jumping to conclusions. Show a little respect. Bulldog has devoted fifteen years of his life to radio. My own personal feelings aside, the man deserves better than to become the object of some scurrilous rumor that as yet hasn't a shred of truth to it.","Roz: Yeah. I suppose you're right.","Frasier: Yes, well... just in case, I've got dibs on his parking space.","[leaves]","[SCENE_BREAK]","DID I DO THAT?","Scene B: Radio Station. Frasier is doing his show.","Roz: Dr. Crane, we have Don on his car phone. He's having a problem with his weight.","Frasier: Don, it's a common problem. I'm listening.","Don: [v.o.] Ah, it's the screwiest thing, Doc. I eat healthy, I work out. But no matter what I do, I can't lose a pound, it's very depressing.","Frasier: Yes, well, losing weight can be a lifelong struggle. It takes a commitment. Now, if you're ready to accept that, there are a number of things I can suggest...","Waitress: [v.o., in background] May I take your order, please?","Frasier: Uh Don, what was that?","Don: Ah - oh, nothing. It was the radio. Go ahead, you were talking.","Frasier: Don...? Where are you?","Don: I'm just driving around.","Waitress: [v.o.] Hey, speak into the clown's mouth!","Frasier: Don...?","Don: Sorry, Dr. Crane. [imitates static] I'm going to lose you. I'm going into a tunnel. Goodbye! [hangs up]","Frasier: Yes, and the light at the end of that tunnel is a heat lamp over a large order of fries. We'll be right back after the news.","He goes off the air.","Roz: Hey Frasier, I've got to run up to payroll, be back in five.","Frasier: Okay.","He steps into the corridor, where he meets Father Mike at the candy machine.","Frasier: Oh, hi Father Mike.","Mike: Oh, hello Frasier.","Frasier: How you doing?","Mike: Say, I just heard a rumor that somebody 'round here is being let go. Do you know anything about that, because to tell you the truth, I'm afraid it might be me.","Frasier: Oh Father, Father. You should better than to put any stock in idle office gossip.","Mike: I know, I know. But it's hard not to. My numbers have been down lately, they keep changing my timeslot. I'm really bummed!","Frasier: Well, listen Father. I don't like to engage in gossip, but you have nothing to worry about.","Mike: Yes? Why?","Frasier: Well, someone is being let go...","Mike: Oh?","Frasier: But ah, it's not you. It's Bulldog.","Mike: Bulldog? Oh, what a shame.","Frasier: Yes.","Mike: Has anybody spoken for his parking space?","Frasier: Well I have, yes.","Frasier goes back into the booth to find that Bulldog has been standing behind the door, and has heard every word.","Bulldog: So I'm a goner, huh?","Frasier: Bulldog. Well, how long have you been...?","Bulldog: Long enough to know I'm the one who's out. [starts banging head on table] I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Damn it! Now I know why Ned Miller wants to see me after work. It's to can my butt. I mean, why else would he be willing to miss happy hour at El Paquito's? The man's a total boozer!","Frasier: Now, now now now now, Bulldog listen, this is just a rumor. You know how out of the loop I am.","Bulldog: Oh, yeah. And after all I've done for this lousy station, this is how they repay me? Well, that's it! Nobody fires Bob Briscoe! I'll quit first.","Frasier: Now, now now. Don't do anything rash. Now listen, I suggest you try to vent your anger first.","Bulldog grabs the mike and rips it in two.","Frasier: Well... there, way to go. Now, on your way.","Bulldog: You're damn right. [he leaves, as Roz returns]","Roz: Hey, Bulldog.","Bulldog: No time to talk, slim, I'm off to war!","He exits, then dashes back in, grabs Roz, and gives her a deep kiss. Before she can resist, he lets her go.","Bulldog: Wait for me. He dashes out.","Roz: Oh! [to Frasier] What was that?","Frasier: Bulldog's quitting.","Roz: Why?","Frasier: Well, because Ned Miller is firing him.","Roz: Who told you that?","Frasier: You did.","Roz: That was just a rumor... You didn't tell him that, did you?!","Frasier: I didn't mean to, he overheard me.","Roz: Oh, God!","Frasier: What? Come on, you guys were so positive - the expense account thing, the meeting with management at five?","Roz: That meeting was to discuss taking his show national! Don't you know anything that goes on around here?!","Frasier: Apparently not!","Roz: Well, don't just stand there. Go call his secretary, she'll stop him before he gets in.","Frasier: I don't believe this, this is incredible, [on phone] Yes, hello, hello Arlene? Arlene, yes, listen. Bob Briscoe's about to jump into the office and... oh. [replaces phone] God, he's already burst into the office with Miller. Oh god, this is a disaster.","Roz: Maybe not, maybe not. Maybe before Bulldog starts anything Miller will tell him what the meeting was really about.","Frasier: Well I, I suppose you're right. For all we know they may be having a good laugh about this right now.","Cut to station manager's point of view (shown through a fish-eye camera lens). Bulldog is in his face, telling him off. But instead of words, we hear dog-like barking and snarling.","Cut back to the booth.","Roz: Grab that mike. We're out of the news in one minute. Bulldog returns.","Bulldog: I did it! I scorched him! [laughs maniacally] You should have seen the look on his face. Oh, I even told him about the time his wife came on to me at the Christmas party. I said there wasn't enough liquor in the world to make me sleep with that porker!","Frasier: You said that to Ned Miller?","Bulldog: Yes! Yeah, he even took a swing at me. I gave him a little okey-doke and he hit air!","Frasier: My god, the man tried to strike you? Listen, Bulldog...","Bulldog: Hey, hey! No sudden moves, doc. I'm still too pumped. I feel like poppin' someone. [he leaves]","Frasier: My god, my god, this is unbelievable. [to Roz] A man has quit his job just because of a rumor that you spread!","Roz: Me?! The whole point of gossip is to talk behind the person's back, not in front of him. I didn't realize you were unclear on this concept!","Frasier: I'm a bad, bad man. [hangs head in shame]","Roz: Well Frasier, you have got to do something. You gotta call Ned Miller and get this whole thing cleared up.","Frasier: Oh, right. \"Call Ned Miller, clear this thing up.\" The man is totally unstable, he tried to take a swing at me the day he hired me.","Chopper Dave comes in, shouting as usual.","Dave: OOH, JUST HEARD A HOT RUMOUR! BULLDOG QUIT!","Frasier: No kidding.","Dave: BUT KEEP IT UNDER YOUR HAT! VERY HUSH-HUSH! [leaves]","End of Act One. Act Two.","ONE DOG NIGHT","Scene C: Frasier's Apartment. Martin opens the door for Niles.","Martin: Niles, what brings you here?","Niles: [carrying a dead plant] Well, I was hoping Daphne could take a look at this plant. I bought it for Maris but it unaccountably turned against her. I thought Daphne was the perfect person to nurse it back to health with her soft, sensual hands and her loving... manner. Is she here?","Martin: No, she stepped out. I don't know when she'll be back.","Niles: Well, I'm off. [goes towards door]","Martin: What, hey! You can stay. I haven't seen you for a while, you can visit.","Niles: Well, yes we could, couldn't we?","He sits. There are a few moments of silence.","Niles: ...So, how are ya?","Martin: Fine. You?","Niles: Fine... She's fine.","Martin: ...Pickle?","Niles: No, thanks.","Martin: ...Look Niles, if you just came to see Daphne, you don't have to stay.","Niles: Dad, I can't believe you would say that. To your own son. I am deeply insulted. Here I wanted to have some time with you but now I'm so upset I'll have to leave. [heads towards door again, just as Daphne enters]","Daphne: Oh, hello Dr. Crane. Staying for dinner?","Niles: Yes, love to.","Martin shakes his head. Niles gives the plant to Daphne.","Niles: Daphne, I had the fervent hope that you could coax this back to life. It's one of Maris's favorites.","Daphne: My goodness, what did she do to it?","Niles: Nothing. Just loved it.","Frasier enters.","Frasier: God. Can you believe this weather?","Martin: Oh, Frasier. I'm glad you're home. What happened to Bulldog?","Frasier: [panic-stricken] Who told you?","Martin: Nobody told me anything. I turned into the \"Gonzo Sports Show\" today like I always do, and they had Father Mike filling in. I hate that. All it was, was \"Notre Dame, Notre Dame, Notre Dame.\"","Frasier: Yes, well, Bulldog tended his resignation.","Martin: Oh, no. Why would he do that? He's the top sports guy in town.","Frasier: Well, you know, things just go funny sometimes. It's a tough business, this radio game, you know?","Daphne: Dr. Crane, I'm picking up something from you. You're shrouded in an aura of guilt.","Frasier: ...Maybe I am.","Niles: Daphne, that's fantastic. Do me, do me.","Daphne: No, I'm on to something here. [to Frasier] You actually think you're responsible for Bulldog losing his job.","Martin: Frasier?","Frasier: All right, all right. Ah, there was a rumor going 'round the station that Bulldog was going to get sacked, and then... I was repeating it to someone and he overheard me and flew off the handle, went up and quit his job. In the end it turned out that the rumor wasn't true. [to Daphne] Of course, you already knew that, didn't you?","Niles's phone rings.","Niles: Oh, excuse me. [answers phone] Hello? Maris... Maris? What's wrong? It's all right... no, no. Everything's going to be... Oh, dear. [puts phone back in pocket] Sorry, I have to go. Maris is despondent. They kicked her out of the cast of \"Cats.\"","Daphne: Why?","Niles: She couldn't remember the words to \"Memory.\"","He leaves.","Martin: Now listen here, Frasier. If you're responsible for Bulldog losing his job, you've got to make this right. You gotta go down to that station and talk to the boss and get him his job back.","Frasier: Well, that's a little easier said than done. Ned Miller is the most intimidating, heartless, mean-spirited man I've ever had the misfortune to meet.","Daphne: And he cheats on his wife... [realizes] My goodness, I'm on today.","Martin: So you're selling Bulldog down the river just 'cause you don't have the guts to go and face this guy?","Frasier: No, no. For all we know this might just be the best thing that ever happened to him. You know, he's always talking about how he should be in a larger market, like Los Angeles, or New York...","Eddie starts pawing at the front door.","Frasier: Eddie, scoot. Scat.","Frasier opens the door to find Bulldog standing there, bag over his shoulder, very sad and despondent.","Frasier: Oh, Bulldog.","Bulldog: Hiya, Doc.","Frasier: Well, what are you doing, just standing there?","Bulldog: ...I don't know. I was trying to decide whether or not I should bother you. See, my life is kinda over, but you got company, so I'll go.","Frasier: No, no-no-no-no. Come in, come in, it's just family. This is my dad, and Daphne Moon.","Martin: Hey, Bulldog. You're soaking wet.","Bulldog: Yeah, I been wandering around the streets for the last few hours.","Martin: I heard what happened.","Bulldog: You haven't heard the half of it. [grabs Frasier's sherry and throws it back] My girlfriend threw me out. She said the only reason she was with me was because I was on the radio. Can you believe that? Eight years we've been together. I loved that woman. Even when I was tomcatting around, I loved that woman. God, that job was my life, and now I've been blackballed in this business, and all because of my stupid temper. [picks up a piece of African art] What is this, anyway?","Frasier: Oh, that's an exceedingly rare fertility symbol from a small nomadic tribe in Ghana.","Bulldog: I guess when they were passing out equipment, this guy was in the back of the line. [slams it down on the table] Anyway, I might as well face it, I'm just a loser, I'm a zero, I'm nothing, a has-been..","Martin: Pickle? [Bulldog accepts]","Daphne: Now, I'm not familiar with your work myself, but Mr. Crane often puts off his nightly bath just so he can hear your show.","Martin: Oh, yeah. You're the greatest, Bulldog. If you weren't on the radio, I wouldn't have a radio.","Bulldog: That's a nice thing to say. Now I know why your son is such a great guy. [Martin and Daphne turn to stare at Frasier] I've bothered you people enough. I better go. The good rooms at the \"Y\" fill up early. [Martin and Daphne stare at Frasier again]","Frasier: Wait. Bulldog, I can't let you leave like this. [goes into his pocket] Here's a twenty. [Martin glares at him] Oh, all right. Why don't you just spend the night, you can take the couch.","Bulldog: Wow. You'd do that for me?","Frasier: Why sure, what's the point of having an expensive suede couch if you can't have a bunch of people crashing on it?","Bulldog: Thanks, Doc. Hey, I hope it's okay, but I could really use a hot shower.","Frasier: Oh sure, sure.","Daphne: Down the hall, second door on the left. Towels are in the cabinet.","Bulldog exits down the corridor. Martin and Daphne go back to staring at Frasier.","Frasier: Now, you two just leave me alone. This is not my fault. Look, I am not responsible for Bulldog going up there and popping off to the boss. You can stare at me 'til you're blue in the face, I'm not going to go see Ned Miller.","Eddie joins in the staring. Frasier knows he's beat.","Frasier: Oh, all right! I'll go down to the station, I will talk to the monster on the sixth floor and futilely attempt to get a man back his job that I don't even care for, and in the process I will probably end up spitting out my teeth like Chiclets! Is there anything else I can do for you?","Eddie barks.","Daphne: Oh, if you're going by the market, we're low on dog food.","[SCENE_BREAK]","IT'S MILLER TIME","Scene D: Ned Miller's office. He's hanging a picture as Frasier knocks on the door.","Miller: What, what?!","Frasier: [entering] Mr. Miller...","Miller: Oh, it's you, Crane.","Frasier: Look, I don't mean to disturb you, but Arlene wasn't at her desk.","Miller: I had to let her go. A lot of stuff she's been doing lately's been ticking me off.","Frasier: If this is a bad time...","Miller: No, it's a perfect time, I need you to hold this. [indicating picture] Come on. Now!","Frasier takes the painting and holds it to the wall as Miller stands back.","Frasier: Okay, how's this?","Miller: I'd love to tell you, but your big head's in the way.","Frasier crouches down to get out of the line of view.","Miller: Ah, put it down. Frasier lowers the painting to reveal a large hole in the wall.","Frasier: Oh my lord! What happened here?","Miller: Oh, that psycho Bulldog and I got into it this afternoon. He threw my Golden Mike at me!","Frasier: [looking at hole] And he did that with your little trophy?","Miller: No, he just chipped the paint with the trophy, I did that with his head!","He goes to the bar and pours himself a scotch from a decanter.","Frasier: Ah. That's, ah, sort of why I'm here.","Miller: Drink?","Frasier: No. No thank you, Mr. Miller. Um, I know that Bulldog was up here, and he said some... pretty regrettable things to you.","Miller: I'll say he said some things. You want to hear them? I tape everything in this office.","This makes Frasier even more uncomfortable.","Frasier: Well anyway, ah, a lot of what he said was, ah... was my fault, you see? Well, you see, I heard a rumor that, ah, management was thinking about lightening the load a bit. Well, I heard it was Bulldog that was gonna get sacked and I... I was repeating the rumor to someone and Bulldog heard me. And that's why he came up here and started telling you...","Miller: That I'm a drunk, that I'm incompetent at my job, that my wife is a big fat slut!","Frasier: That is indefensible! Your wife is not overweight! [realizes] Well anyway, my point is that, um, I'd like you to reconsider giving Bulldog his job back. And ah, whatever the consequences to me, I'm willing to accept it.","Miller: Look, I won't kid you. Bulldog meant big numbers to us in Drive Time, we need him back. Tell you what - you get him to apologize to me... oh hell, why don't I just say it? If he'll kiss my ass, maybe we can work something out.","Frasier: Oh sir, sir, I'm sure that'll make him so happy.","He stands and holds out his hand, but Miller has already picked up his glass again.","Frasier: Well, I'll just, ah, get out of you hair. [goes to door]","Miller: Actually Crane, that uh, rumor about someone being let go is, uh... true.","Frasier: What?","Miller: Now that you've so nobly gotten Bulldog his job back, the station still needs to make some cutbacks on those high-priced salaries.","Frasier: Oh god, not Father Mike? Oh, no.","Miller: No. It's not Father Mike.","Frasier: Chopper Dave? Ray the Greengrocer? Bonnie \"the Auto Lady\" Weems?","Ned looks at Frasier, indicating it's him.","Miller: Look, Crane. You're new to the radio game, I've been around a long time. People get fired. But they always get back on their feet. So... I bet you I could get you that drink now?","Frasier: Yes, I bet you could.","Miller: [the phone rings] Help yourself.","Frasier takes the decanter from the bar as Miller answers the phone.","Miller: Ned Miller! Yo, Jack! No, what's wrong? Ah, come on, tell me now. Uh-huh. I see. No, no no, I-I... Thanks, Jack.","Frasier has taken a stiff drink of Scotch, and is about to pour himself a second. Miller replaces the phone, and takes the decanter from Frasier's hand before he can pour.","Miller: Excuse me. [fills his glass]","Frasier: Bad news?","Miller: Oh, you could say that. I've just been fired. They decided the best way to cut the budget was to get rid of MY high salary.","Frasier: [struggles to hide his grin] Oh, Ned, I... I'm so sorry. Then I guess this means that my job is still safe, then?","Miller: Yeah. I guess so.","Frasier: [expansively] Well, you know Ned... I haven't been in the radio game that long. But, uh, I've been around long enough to know that people get fired. And when they do, they always seem to land on their feet. Now I've known quite a few people - and counseled them - that have suffered similar setbacks. But, ah, in time you will embrace this. Learn to think of this as, oh, a new chapter. You know, in theatrical circles, they always say \"Every exit is but an entrance to somewhere else.\"","Miller stares at Frasier for a long beat.","Miller: God, I wish I'd fired you when I had the chance! End of Act Two.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frasier and Roz are watching Bulldog do his show. As promised, he's hanging upside down. He bangs his gong, blows his whistle, and speaks into the mike. He takes a drink of coffee, and burns his eyes. He lifts his shirt into his face to wipe them."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"01x10","Episode Title":"Oops","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_01x11.json","Recap":["After the premature death of Martin's physician, who was similar to Frasier in physique, behavior and temperament, Frasier begins to obsess about his own mortality. Putting his affairs in order, he becomes determined to find more about the physician to the point he decides to attend his shiva ."],"Transcript":["ACT ONE","Scene One - Apartment Daphne and Niles come out of the kitchen.","Daphne: No, really. I've never had a serious boyfriend. No-one's really been interested.","Niles: Men can be such pigs. [starts making a swan out of the napkins Daphne is sorting out]","Daphne: It's not that people weren't trying to fix me up. Back in Manchester my mum was steering me toward Reginald Glower, the butcher's son. Pasty little thing. Never did take to him. I suppose I like my gents more on the manly side. [Niles flattens the swan] Was that a little swan you made?","Niles: No, it was a B-52.","Frasier comes in from the bedroom.","Frasier: Well, Dad's done it again. That was Dr. Jennings's office on the phone. He's skipped his physical again today.","Daphne: Why, that little devil. No wonder he didn't want me to go with him.","Niles: Frasier, you know Dad's intense aversion to doctors, you should have seen that he got there.","Frasier: Yes, well I didn't see you volunteering this afternoon.","Niles: Well, I couldn't. I had my \"fear of abandonment\" workshop today, and I've already been a no-show twice.","Daphne: Wait 'til your father gets here, I'll give him such a piece of my mind.","Eddie comes bounding out of the bedroom, bounces over the furniture and sits by the door.","Frasier: If only we had some way of knowing if he was about to arrive. Martin enters.","Martin: [to Eddie] Hey, how ya doin', boy? Yeah, glad to see you too.","Frasier: So. How was your exam today?","Martin: Oh, you know. Everything's pretty routine.","Frasier: EKG?","Martin: Perfect.","Niles: Blood pressure?","Martin: Textbook.","Frasier: Hope they took a full blood panel.","Martin: Oh, yeah. Told them to take two. They're small.","Daphne: Ooh, let's have a look. [Martin rolls up his sleeve] Ooh, look at this. A nice, big Band-Aid. [she rips it off his arm] Nice try!","Martin: Ouch! What did you do that for?","Daphne: Dr. Jennings's office called to reschedule your appointment. You never showed up today.","Niles: Dad, this is ludicrous. Why do you keep avoiding the doctor?","Martin: Because I feel fine. I'll go to the doctor when I don't feel fine. Besides, I don't like Dr. Jennings. He's got a model of a colon on his desk, he keeps his tongue depressors in it.","Frasier: Well, all right Dad, fine. If you don't like him, why don't you go to see my doctor, she's one of the finest gastroenterologists in this city.","Martin: She? Oh ho ho, no no. No way. If a doctor's gonna have me bend over, I want to look through my legs and see wingtips.","Daphne: Now now, we'll have none of that. We women have been poked and prodded by male doctors for centuries. I say it's high time you gents went to see a doctor of the opposite s*x. See how you like waiting in that room - sitting there all naked and helpless and goose-bumpy.","Frasier: Niles, surely you could recommend someone?","Niles is staring at Daphne, in a warm, happy world of his own.","Frasier: Niles!","Niles: I'm sorry, my mind was somewhere else. Rec... OH! I know who you should see - Dr. Gary Newman. His office is in my building, he has a very successful practice, I saw a Lichtenstein hanging in his office.","Frasier: Ooh, Lichtenstein. He sounds perfect.","Martin: Alright, alright. I'll make an appointment, I'll go see him.","Frasier: Oh, now just hang on a second there, mister. I will make the arrangements and I will escort you personally.","Martin: Wonderful. I can't wait.","Daphne: Oh, stop grumbling. It won't be so bad. Well, unless you have to parade around the office in one of those gowns where your little bum peeks through the back.","Frasier: So Niles, what's Dr. Newman's number?","But Niles is tuned out again.","Frasier: ...Niles? NILES!","Niles: I'm sorry, I must have drifted off again.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Two - Dr. Newman's waiting room. Frasier and Martin are waiting, along with an elderly lady.","Martin: My appointment was supposed to be half an hour ago, how much longer are we gonna wait for this guy? Come on Frasier, let's get out of here.","Frasier: Dad, Dad, just relax. Read a magazine. Oh, here, here. Take the Cosmo quiz.","Martin: [reading] \"Are your nipples sensitive?\"","Frasier: Would you mind doing that quietly, it's not an oral exam.","Martin: You haven't seen the second question. Did you used to keep your patients waiting like this?","Frasier: Oh, just the compulsives. It was part of their therapy. Relax there, I'll take care of it.","He goes to the receptionist's cubicle.","Frasier: Yes, my father Martin Crane had an appointment thirty minutes ago?","Receptionist: Yes, I'm sorry. The doctor's running a little late this morning, but you'll be first up when he gets in.","Frasier: When he gets in? My God, where's he coming from, Spokane?","Receptionist: Actually he has a long drive in from his weekend house at Lake Shalonne.","Frasier: Lake Shalonne? Ooh, this guy must be terrific!","He goes back to Martin.","Martin: So?","Frasier: Dad, relax. He'll be here any minute. [looking around] You know Dad, I was just struck by one of life's little ironies. I remember you taking me to the doctor, and now here I am taking you.","Martin: Yeah. I remember when I took you for your first tetanus shot, you were about five or six.","Frasier: Oh boy, was I scared. I remember you holding my hand.","Martin: Yeah. Bent over that table, dropped your little drawers. When the nurse gave you the shot, you took your mind off it by reciting the names of all of Puccini's operas. Right then I knew you'd never be a cop. Look, I'm serious. I'm not staying any longer, let's go.","Frasier: All right dad, look, I'll check and see if there's someone substituting for him.","Martin: [to lady] What are you here for?","Lady: Lately I've been having this overall sluggish feeling. It's hard even getting out of bed in the morning. Not to mention the cold weather. It's really making my joints hurt. I've started to notice flaking spots on my skin. What about you?","Martin: [who wishes he hadn't started this] I have sensitive nipples.","Frasier comes back. He is the bearer of bad news.","Frasier: Dad? I'm afraid the doctor won't be able to make your appointment today.","Martin: Oh, that's just great. These big-shot doctors, they keep you waiting for an hour and then they don't even have the decency to show up! What, play a little slow on the golf course today? That arrogant, inconsiderate jerk!","Frasier: Dad, Dad, Dad - Dr. Newman is dead. He died an hour ago.","Martin: I'm sure he was a good man.","[SCENE_BREAK]","WELL, I'M LOUSY AT TENNIS...","Scene Three - KACL Frasier is talking to Roz.","Frasier: I mean, there he was, walking down his walkway this morning and, he bends over to pick up his newspaper and BANG! - he drops dead of a heart attack. It's just... God, you know? I pick up my newspaper every day. And the Sunday Times is very heavy, I'm thinking of canceling.","Roz: Well? These things happen.","Frasier: \"These things happen?\" Roz, how can you say that? My God, this was not an old man, he was my age.","Roz: What am I supposed to say? I guess I don't think of these things like you do. Guess it's because you're forty-one and I'm... [laughs] not.","Frasier: Don't you ever think about you're own mortality? Don't you ever think about dying?","Roz: Well, not me dying, but you know what I have thought about lately? I've been dating this older guy, and what if... you know? [Frasier doesn't] We were in bed together and he dropped dead? Well, it's not out of the realm of possibility. Sometimes he starts breathing very funny and I don't know if he's having a good time or if I've overexcited him to some dangerous level.","Frasier: Someone certainly has a very high opinion of herself.","Roz: Everybody's good at something.","Frasier: Why is it that every time we try to have a serious discussion, we end up talking about your s*x life?","Roz: Because I have one.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A FAMILY MEETING","Scene Four - Apartment Martin and Daphne are there. Frasier opens the door for Niles.","Frasier: Niles, thank you so much for coming at such short notice.","Niles: Hello Dad, Daphne.","Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane.","Niles: Yes, I came as soon as I could. [for Daphne's benefit] I was in the middle of my workout, but, I can always pump iron later.","Daphne: Well, I'll just pop into the kitchen and fix us a snack.","She exits.","Frasier: [taking a large folder over to the table] Pump iron? Niles, you don't even pump your own gas.","Niles: All right, all right. Now what is all this nonsense about getting your affairs in order?","Frasier: Well, it's this: Dr. Newman dying at such a young age really threw me for a loop. I was trying to figure out why, and I finally realized that I hadn't made the proper provisions for my own death.","Daphne: [entering with a bowl and a jar of peanuts] Here we go.","She has trouble opening the jar.","Niles: Oh! Here, allow me.","He takes the jar but has even less success. Frasier distributes files to each person.","Frasier: First, the pertinent information. I've prepared copies for each of you. The location and numbers of my bank accounts; [Niles is still struggling with the jar] my safety deposit keys; the number for my attorney... Niles, what are you doing? Oh, give me that!","He takes the jar and opens it.","Niles: [to Daphne] I loosened it for him.","Frasier: Now, the distribution of my personal possessions.","Daphne: Oh, I really think this is a matter for family only.","Frasier: No, no Daphne, please, I'd like you to stay. I'll come to you later. Dad, Niles, I'd like you to put your names on these stickers, [hands them over] and place them on any object you'd like bequeathed to you.","Martin: This is crazy. I'm not going to start putting my name on your stuff.","Frasier: Dad, what happens if I die tomorrow, you and Niles end up in an argument about... well, that African mask, for instance?","Martin: It'll never happen. Niles, you can have it.","Niles: I don't want it.","Daphne: Well, don't look at me. I throw a towel over that thing when you're not home.","Frasier: Okay, fine. Now we come to the issue of... my remains.","Martin: Oh, jeez.","Frasier: I've arranged every detail in this easy-to-read binder. [gives binder to Martin]","Martin: Oh, this is taking it too far, would you look at this? [reads] \"Burial; Casket; Caterers\"?","Niles: Who are you using?","Frasier: Michaelson's.","Niles: Oh, they're very good. Excellent.","They start discussing the wonder that is Michaelson's. Martin tries to get a word in.","Martin: Excuse me. Excuse me! Are we about done?","Frasier: Well, there is just one more duck to put in the row. I've done some research and I've discovered that most unexpected deaths occur in the home. And Daphne, this is where you come in, the actual finding of the body.","Daphne: Ooh, save the best part for me, eh? Well, that's all right. I'm a health care provider. I've had my fair share of patients Die on me.","Martin: That's a comfort.","Frasier: Well, perhaps dad's right. Maybe we should just drop the subject. Well, thank you. This meeting has actually made me feel better, I think I can handle my mortality a bit better now. Well, enough talk about death. [produces a bottle of wine] Let's celebrate life with a bottle of Chateau Certair '75","Niles: Oh no, not the '75, I can't let you do that, that's far too good for the likes of us.","Frasier: Well, perhaps a bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau would be more appropriate.","He goes to find the bottle. Niles takes the bottle of '75 and puts a sticker on it. Martin glares at him.","END OF ACT ONE","ACT TWO","Scene Five - Apartment Frasier is lying on the couch with his eyes shut and his fingers in his ears. Eddie is watching him. Martin enters.","Martin: Eddie? Ah, there you are. Come on, boy. Frasier, what are you still doing up? [no answer] Frasier!","Frasier: Dad, please, shh. I'm trying to listen to my heartbeat. Amazing thing, the human heart. You know, it can pump eighteen hundred gallons of blood through it each and every day, but the tiniest tear in the tiniest part of the tiniest artery and \"poof,\" you're gone.","Martin: I thought you were all okay about this stuff now.","Frasier: Oh, so did I. What is the matter with me? I guess I thought that putting my affairs in order would help me to deal with this thing, but it hasn't. I... I can't seem to get over the feeling that no matter how remote the possibility, something could happen to me. Jeez, I'd miss so much. I'd never get to see my son hit his first home run. It'd be a terrible thing for a father to miss.","Martin: Tell me about it. Look son, let me tell you something. There was this time, a while back, seven or eight of us were on this drug bust. We get the order to go through the front door, and the first guy took one. He was dead before he hit the ground. When you're a cop, you've got to be able to handle things like that, but I... I just couldn't get over it. Every time I had to go in a blind alley, or in a dark building, I just froze. And I knew if I kept being afraid to die, I'd never be able to do my job.","Frasier: So what did you do?","Martin: I just forced myself to forget about it.","Frasier: Just like that?","Martin: Just like that. Next time I came across one of those doors, I went right through it. [then] The fact that I got shot in the hip was purely coincidental.","Frasier: You were this close to helping me there, Dad.","Martin: Look Frasier, just because some doctor dies doesn't mean you're gonna die.","Frasier: Yes, but he was just like me. Highly educated, sophisticated, at the top of his profession; I saw a picture of him in a medical journal, he even looked like me. Same determined chin, sweater vest and ever-so-slightly receding hairline.","Martin: Look, what do you know about this guy? You don't even know his medical history.","Frasier: Actually, you're on to something there, dad. Yeah, yeah. For all I know he could have had high blood pressure, popped pills, drank like a fish...","Martin: There you go, it could have been any of those things.","Frasier: I'm gonna find out what caused his heart attack. That's the only way I can disassociate myself from him. There's got to be some reasonable explanation. [heads towards bedroom] That's great, dad. Actually, I do feel better now.","Martin: Frasier, you've got something on your bathrobe.","Frasier: [discovers it's a sticker] Niles... the vultures are circling.","[SCENE_BREAK]","KRUGEL, FRAS, AND ALLEN","Scene Six - Dr Newman's House All his family are there, dressed in black. The door is open.","Frasier: Hello? Hello. [he attracts the attention of one of the guests] I called earlier, someone said Mrs. Newman would be here?","Allen: Oh, of course, please come in. I'm Allen Freedman. Gary was my cousin.","Frasier: Dr. Frasier Crane. My sincerest condolences. So, I didn't think Mrs. Newman would have company.","Allen: Oh, the family are sitting Shiva.","Frasier: Excuse me?","Allen: You're not Jewish, are you? It's our version of a wake.","Frasier: Oh - oh, yes. Oh, of course, of course. I didn't realize that Gary was Jewish, you see.","Allen: You're kidding.","Frasier: Uh, well no. Ah, well, you know, we were pretty close friends, spent a lot of time together - well, never on Friday nights, of course - but ah, you know, maybe I should come back another time.","Allen: No no, please. I'm sure Julie'd love to know that you came. She's right over there. [points]","Frasier: Oh, she looks busy. I can wait.","Allen: Of course. If you'll excuse me? [goes back to table]","Frasier notices a black drape hanging over a frame, and lifts it to discover a mirror underneath. An older woman, Aunt Bobbie, sees him.","Bobbie: May I help you?","Frasier: Ah. I didn't realize this was a mirror, I thought that maybe you were having an unveiling later.","Bobbie: You're not Jewish, are you?","Frasier: No, no. My, my ex-wife is, though. And, ah, so and thus my son is. Which makes me, ah, sort of... well I guess you could say... [gives up] No, I'm not Jewish.","Bobbie: We always cover mirrors at a Shiva. So those grieving don't have to be concerned with their own appearances.","Frasier: Ah. Ah well, you look very nice.","Bobbie: [relieved] Oh, thank you. It's been driving me crazy. I'm Bobbie, Gary's aunt.","Frasier: Dr. Frasier Crane. My deepest sympathies.","Bobbie: You're the doctor with the radio show, aren't you?","Frasier: Yes, yes.","Bobbie: Did you know Gary well?","Frasier: Well, yes. Yes, yes I did. Well I, there's so much more I wanted to know about the man. You see, ah... well oh, I don't know, ah... how was his health before he died?","Bobbie: Excellent. He was never sick.","Frasier: History of heart disease?","Bobbie: Oh, no.","Frasier: High blood pressure?","Bobbie: No.","Frasier: High cholesterol?","Bobbie: No.","Frasier: Do you know what his HDL was in comparison to his LDL?","Bobbie: No.","Frasier: I'm sorry. I'm asking too many questions. You know how doctors are, always looking for the answers to the mysteries of life.","A woman enters, carrying a cake. She's been crying. Bobbie greets her.","Bobbie: Oh, Gail.","Gail: Aunt Bobbie. [they hug]","Bobbie: I know, I know. Gail, I'd like you to meet a friend of Gary's. Dr. Frasier Crane.","Gail: Dr. Crane? From the radio?","Frasier: Yes. I'm sorry for your loss.","Gail: I love your show. [re: her tears] Oh, I... I'm sorry about this. It's just, ah, when I went to pick up this linseed tort I thought of Gary and...","Frasier: Oh? So Gary had a fondness for fattening desserts, did he?","Gail: Oh. You didn't know Gary very well, did you? If he knew I brought this here, he'd kill me.","Allen: Yeah, Gary was a total health fanatic, a strict vegetarian. I used to play basketball with him every Sunday.","Frasier: Oh. Oh, so he was sedentary all week, then he was burning up the court on Sundays. Well, that can be very straining on the heart, you know...","Bobbie: No, he played at least four times a week. That is, when he wasn't at the gym working out.","Gail: Gary was in phenomenal shape.","Bobbie: He didn't smoke, never touched caffeine...","Allen: Did you know he had less than 10 percent body fat on him?","Frasier: My goodness. Has anybody checked to see if he's really dead? [this does not go down well] I'm sure they did check, those people are very thorough. Oh my, is that Krugle? Excuse me.","Frasier escapes. He wanders round the room, offering his condolences to people and finds himself standing beside Mrs. Newman.","Frasier: I'm Dr Frasier Crane, I was a friend of your husband's.","Newman: Dr. Crane? From...?","Frasier: Yes, the radio.","Newman: Gary never mentioned you.","Frasier: Well, we weren't actually friends. He had an office in my brother's building.","Newman: And you took the time to come down here. His own partner didn't even stay fifteen minutes. That's really sweet of you.","Frasier: Well, actually I... there's a reason I came to talk with you.","Newman: Which is?","Frasier: It's about Gary. About how he, er...","Newman: Yes?","Frasier realizes this whole outing has been a bad idea.","Frasier: Look, I'm sorry I've bothered you. Ah, I really just came to offer my sympathies.","He starts to get up.","Newman: Oh no, wait. Um, Dr. Crane? I listen to you all the time, and uh - well, maybe you can help me? What would you tell someone who called into the show and said they can't get over why someone died? I keep running this over and over in my mind and... I just can't understand how someone like Gary, who did everything right, can just die. I can't make any sense of it.","Frasier: Mrs. Newman, I... I know you'd like me to come up with some grand answer to this whole thing. But I, I don't have one. There are none. Someone who consumes nothing but cigarettes and cheeseburgers all his life can live to be eighty-three, and someone who takes care of himself can die at forty-one. It's unfair. Believe me, there's no explanation for it. Believe me, I've checked. But, I suppose the best we can do is live for the little joys and surprises life affords us. You can't spend your life being obsessed with death.","Newman: You're not Jewish, are you?","Frasier: No. No I'm not. Well, thank you for letting me be here today.","Newman: Oh, thank you for coming, Dr. Crane.","He starts to leave.","Bobbie: Oh, Dr. Crane? It was very nice what you said about living life for the little joys and surprises it can give us.","Frasier: Yes.","Bobbie: Thank you.","Frasier: [quietly, to himself] If only I believed it myself.","He goes to the door, but is stopped by an attractive woman.","Woman: Excuse me? Um, this is clearly the most inappropriate thing I've ever done in my life, but... I was watching you, and um, I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to see you again, and something about you tells me that I'd like to. Here. [gives him her card] If you'd like to get together sometime, give me a call. [moves off]","Frasier leaves, his spirits lifted. End of Act Two.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Daphne is folding some ironing, looking very uncomfortable. She takes a towel from the basket and throws it over the African mask."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"01x11","Episode Title":"Death Becomes Him","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_02x04.json","Recap":["After witnessing a birth, Niles contemplates becoming a parent. Meanwhile, Frasier attempts to retrieve a get-well card for a colleague because he wrote an inappropriate message on it."],"Transcript":["ACT ONE","Scene One - Radio Station Frasier is taking a caller on his radio show. Roz is in the producer's booth.","Maggie: [v.o:] It's not that I don't like him, Dr. Crane: it's just that he's got so attached to me. Roses every day for a week after two dates!","Frasier: Maggie, the first thing you have to do is sit Gavin down for a nice long conversation. [Frasier notices Roz shaking her head] A frank and honest discussion, tell him that though he wants to go at one speed you need to go at another. [Frasier notices Roz shaking her head again] Tell him you're not rejecting him and that you're fond of him but if he doesn't give you some breathing room... you know, suddenly I wonder what Roz, my non-PhD holding producer thinks you should do?","Roz: Well, I just think that any guy that's that clingy after two dates has a major insecurity problem. I say dump him now: head to the hills and don't look back.","Maggie: [v.o:] It's so good to hear that, Roz. [Frasier is surprised] That's what I wanted to do but I felt so guilty. Thanks so much, bye. [hangs up]","Frasier: And that takes us to commercial. This, for those of you that may have forgotten, is the [angry:] \"Dr. Frasier Crane Show!\"","Roz enters and hands Frasier a pass, a piece of paper and a big card.","Roz: Here's your new parking pass. I confirmed your dinner reservations for three; at your father's request you'll be dining at \"Chez Shrimp.\"","Frasier: Oh!","Roz: There are two letters that you've got to sign: a card for Clarence the guard that we're all signing, and a letter for the sign-ups for the KACL bowling team - I'll file this right in the trash.","Roz exits the studio. Frasier looks at the card. It's in the shape of a big teddy bear.","Frasier: Oh wonderful, another card. Of course, I, as resident wit here, will have to think of something clever to say. Well, at least I've got another gala KACL birthday bash to look forward to. I can just taste that frozen Sara Lee cake right now, whilst, on applause, a full-grown adult snuffs out a handful of tiny candles!","Roz enters hearing him grumbling.","Roz: What are you grousing about?","Frasier: Oh nothing, nothing.","Frasier opens the card. It begins playing music.","Frasier: Yes, the pageantry never stops.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Two - Taxi Cab A lady (Arleen) is driving Frasier, Martin and Niles home. They are in heavy traffic and car horns can be heard all over.","Martin: Mr. Fancy-pants! You've gotta buy a German car!","Frasier: It's not my fault it broke down.","Martin: Hey, if you bought American, they wouldn't have to tow your car halfway across the state to get it fixed. That's why I always buy American. Breakdown, you can drive to the nearest garage. I could break down all alone in the middle of Alaska...","Frasier: Finally a thought to raise all our spirits!","Niles: This traffic is murder. I'd suggest we walk home but I'm afraid what the humidity will do to these loafers. Does calfskin pucker?","Frasier: Yes, Niles! That's why on humid farms, the calf is the most made-fun-of of all the animals!","Niles: There's no point in being snide. We're all going to be in here for a while, we might as well try and make pleasant conversation. We are a family, after all, it shouldn't be that hard.","There is a long silent pause. Then Martin starts up talking... to Arleen.","Martin: So, you been driving long?","Arleen: Not really.","Martin: I bet you have some pretty good stories, though?","Arleen: You guys ever hear of a woman having a baby in a cab?","The three kid about and ad-lib \"yeahs\" and \"we've all heard that one.\"","Martin: Why, did it happen in this cab?","Arleen: No, I think it's about to.","Martin: [shocked:] You're pregnant!","Arleen: Yes. [begins screaming in labor pains]","Frasier: Well, don't panic, it may just be false labor.","Arleen: My water's just broken! I'm sitting in a puddle of water.","Niles pulls his feet up.","Niles: Calfskin, calfskin!","Frasier: Niles!","Martin: I think the closest hospital is First Methodist.","Frasier: Dad, we'll never make it in this traffic. I think we better pull over.","Niles: Please try to park facing down hill.","Frasier: Niles!","Arleen: I can't have my baby here!","Frasier: All right, there's no reason for you to be concerned. You're in the presence of two trained medical professionals. [then] Niles, help the woman.","Niles gets out of the cab. He opens her door and she falls out. After much screaming he pushes her back in and closes the door.","Frasier: No, Niles! The other door.","Niles goes to the other door and gets into the cab. Meanwhile, Martin picks up the squawk box.","Martin: Is anybody there? Come in!","Niles: All right, the most important thing you can do right now is breath deeply. Just do as I do.","Niles breaths in and out. She copies.","Frasier: Are you feeling faint or out of breath?","Niles: [hyperventilating] Yes, both of those.","Man: [v.o:] Hello, go ahead.","Martin: Yeah, I'm calling from cab number... 804. This is an emergency. Your driver, Arleen, just went into labor. We're at the corner of 14th on Sycamore. We need an ambulance here right now, do you hear me? Over.","Man: [v.o:] Yes, I'll get right on it.","Arleen: Ah, it really hurts.","Niles: It's okay, it's natural.","Arleen: No, you're squeezing my hand!","Niles stops.","Frasier: Get a hold of yourself, Niles!","Niles: I'm sorry, I only did this once before in medical school. And all I remember is a bright light, lots of blood and then a linoleum floor hurtling towards my forehead.","Arleen: You fainted!","Niles: Oh, switch places with me, honey, and see how you do!","Frasier: Oh, Niles get out of there. I'll help her.","Niles gets out of the cab and Frasier takes his place.","Arleen: The baby's coming now!","Frasier: If it does come, I'll be here to catch it. Now listen, just continue with your breathing. [she does] Now, I don't want you feeling guilty for having your baby in a cab. No, there's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm sure many great Americans have been born this way. Cab Calloway comes to mind. My particular area of medicine is psychiatry and I like to specialize in the head, you know, not the lower portion of the body - it's much less messy that way. Not that your lower half is messy at all, it's quite beautiful... not that I'm looking! [she screams] It's hurting a bit?","Arleen: No, you're driving me crazy! [chucks a cap at him]","Martin pushes Frasier out and gets in himself.","Arleen: What, are you a doctor too?","Martin: No, I'm a retired cop.","Arleen: Well, what took you so long?","Martin: Everything's going to be just fine, sweetheart. Now I've delivered more than a few babies in my lifetime and some of them are even older than you are now. Now, Frasier's going to hold your hand and help you with your breathing. And Niles is going to look out for an ambulance and I'm going to get ready to bring your beautiful baby into this world. Okay?","Arleen: Okay.","Martin: Now, are there any questions?","Niles: Yes, should our meter still be running?","Martin and Frasier gives him a look as Arleen screams with another labor pain and throws up a hand that knocks Niles out cold.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment On the dining room table, Daphne's bathrobe is laid out.","Daphne: [o.s:] Hello? Are you back yet?","When there is no answer, Daphne rushes in wearing just a towel and her shower shoes. She picks up her nightgown to put it on. However, at that moment the Cranes enter. Daphne, half out of her towel, holds the robe in front of her, seemingly naked behind it. Niles gapes, and even Frasier and Martin are stunned.","Daphne: Well go on, turn your heads.","Daphne turns round to change. The three men turn round 180 degrees and face the wall - however, Niles continues turning until he is back where he started - staring at Daphne. Frasier puts a stop to it and turns him back just before Daphne can catch him. She's ready.","Daphne: Okay. They all turn back.","Daphne: So, I guess you've had some excitement tonight.","Niles: [the wrong end of the stick:] No, I haven't!","Frasier bats his arm.","Daphne: Well, your father sure made it sound exciting on the phone. Delivering a baby in a taxi.","Niles: [realising:] Oh, that. I don't think of that as excitement as much as my sworn duty to use those skills I honed in medical school.","Frasier: Yes, Niles ran down to a falafel stand for a pot of hot water.","Martin: What I can't get over is that feeling of being there right when a person's life begins. One minute it's just this blob in some lady's stomach, next minute it's a person. [visualizing:] Blob - Person!","Frasier: The miracle of birth summed up in one poetic phrase.","Daphne: I bet you have some fond memories of when your son was born.","Frasier: Oh yes, of course. I remember the very first time I held him in my arms as a newborn. And it was as if everything in the universe simply melted away. There was just a father, a son and the distant sound of Lilith saying, \"If you ever come near me again, Frasier, I'll drop you with a deer rifle.\"","Martin: At least nowadays fathers get to see their sons being born. In my day, they stuck us all in the waiting room, smoking cigarettes and reading \"Life\" magazine. I still remember the exact article I was reading when Niles was born. It was about Mickey Mantle. Talk about life setting you up for a fall! Well, it's been a long night. I'm turning in.","Martin exits to his bedroom.","Frasier: Night, Dad.","Daphne: I can't wait to see what kinds of dreams I have after all this talk about childbearing. Probably that one where my mother shows up and says, [imitating old woman:] \"Well, Daphne, you're fifty now and you've never given me grandchildren.\" [normal voice:] Then I say, \"That was my choice to make, Mum, I was thinking of my career.\" [mother's voice:] \"Oh sure, your career, but did you ever think of me?\" [normal, getting carried away:] \"Mother, I don't want to start this again, just drop it.\" [old voice:] \"But will she drop it?\" [normal:] \"Oh shut up, mother!\" [old voice:] \"Don't talk to me like that, young lady...\"","Daphne carries on and exits to her room.","Frasier: I wonder how many more people she's got in there with her. [pause] Sherry, Niles?","Niles: No, thank you.","Frasier: You seem awfully reflective, is something on your mind?","Niles: Actually, yes. For the past several months I've noticed my thoughts often drifting to the same subject: will I ever be a father?","Frasier: Ah.","Niles: There are pros and cons, of course, but watching that child's birth tonight I realise it's something I really want... I think.","Frasier: Well, it's perfectly natural to have parental stirrings around at your age.","Niles: Uh, er, no, this is more than stirrings. I wake up nights thinking about it.","Frasier: Have you talked this over with Maris?","Niles: Not yet. I like to know what I want before Maris tells me. I'm just not sure I'm really ready for fatherhood.","Frasier: Well, Niles, no-one's ever really sure. You know, in schools these days, teenagers who are thinking about becoming parents are given a ten-pound sack of flour to keep with them for a week as though it were a baby.","Niles: [laughs] You're kidding?","Frasier: No, no, no, they hold it, they care for it, they never let it out of their sight. It gives them a very good idea of the cost and responsibility of being a parent.","Niles: Hmm, that's very clever. What could be better than hands-on experience? Might be worth a try.","Frasier: Well, I wasn't actually suggesting.","Niles: Well, why not? It's the perfect week: Maris is away, I'm desperate to resolve the issue; Frasier, where do you keep the flour?","Niles begins searching the living room.","Frasier: In the kitchen.","Niles: [excited:] In the kitchen.","Niles and Frasier enter the kitchen.","Frasier: The cabinet next to the sink.","Niles: [opens cabinet and gets out a pack:] Yes! Here it is. [reads] Extra refined. [to Frasier:] It's taking after his old man all ready!","Frasier: No Niles, that's the sugar. If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right.","Frasier puts the sugar back and brings out the flour.","Frasier: Now, here is the flour. [reads] Bleached, one hundred percent fat free, best when kept in an airtight container. [to Niles:] It seems this one's taking after its mother.","END OF ACT ONE","ACT TWO","Scene One - Caf\u00e9 Nervosa. Frasier is sat at the table when Niles enter with his bag of flour to his shoulder.","Frasier: Hello, Niles.","Niles: Hello, Frasier, may I join you? Or should I say, may we?","Frasier: Mais oui.","Niles sits with his \"baby.\"","Frasier: I see you're still continuing with our little baby experiment.","Niles: Yes and it's turned out to be quite a learning experience. It's not easy, though. I take him everywhere. Get up for two a.m. feedings, the whole exhausting nine yards.","Niles notices a mother and baby walk past him, he interrupts.","Niles: What a beautiful baby, how old is he?","Mother: Eight weeks.","Niles: Oh, great age isn't it?","Niles turns his \"flour child\" round and we see that he has two plasters on.","Frasier: Niles, I can't help noticing that your child has a little boo-boo.","Niles: Oh, it's nothing. I was playing him some Brahms the other night, never too early to ingrain them. I guess I must have begun conducting with one of the gilded chopsticks Maris wears in her bun and I accidentally ran him through.","Frasier: What young parent doesn't tell that story?","Niles: The scars were just plain carelessness. The fault of my new houseman, Guy.","Frasier: What did Guy do?","Niles: No, no, [next to the same pronunciation:] Guy.","Frasier: Guy.","Niles: Back of the throat, Guy.","Frasier: Oh, who cares?","Niles: He had just given my car the most brilliant shine when I sat the baby on the roof and down it went, down the windshield and onto the driveway. Will you watch him for me while I order?","Frasier nods. Niles lays the new-born on the chair and goes to the counter. Then Roz enters, and notices the sack.","Roz: Hey, Fras. Is this seat taken? [points to chair with flour]","Frasier: Well, actually... [catches himself:] No.","Frasier takes the flour from the seat and lays it on the floor.","Roz: [sits] You'll be happy to know that Clarence is doing a lot better. I just dropped his card off.","Frasier: Clarence?","Roz: Yeah, Clarence the guard.","Frasier: Oh, down at the station, Clarence, oh yes, good. I didn't know he was sick.","Roz: You signed his get-well card.","Frasier: You mean that wasn't a birthday card?","Roz: No, he's in the hospital having a kidney transplant.","Frasier: Oh my God, I thought it was his birthday. I wrote, \"Dear Clarence, you're not getting older, you're just getting closer to death\"!","Roz: How could you think it was his birthday?","Frasier: I don't know, I guess I just didn't recognise the traditional card for a man in an advanced state of kidney failure was a giant pink bunny rabbit. Do you think he's read it yet?","Roz: No, I don't think so. He was sleeping when I left.","Frasier: I'm going to look like a callous fool. We've gotta get back down there and get that card back.","Frasier and Roz stand up to leave.","Niles: [enters] How can you be leaving? [notices baby:] I asked you to baby-sit!","Frasier: Oh, Niles! I don't have time to stand here and listen to your insanity, I have to go and steal a get-well card from a kidney patient!","Niles picks his son up and nurses it as the radio star and producer leave.","[SCENE_BREAK]","NO GUTS, NO GLORY","Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment Daphne and Frasier are reading the get-well card.","Daphne: What does that say? Geb?","Frasier: [looks:] No, no, it's \"get.\" [reads] \"Get well soon, love Andrea.\" Just copy it down, move onto the next name.","It then becomes apparent that Frasier and Daphne are copying the names from the old card onto a new, identical card.","Frasier: We'll have to transfer all the old names from this card onto the new card, as quickly as possible, I want to get it back there tonight.","Daphne: So you actually snuck into a man's hospital room and stole his card?","Frasier: I did not sneak in! Luckily, the man was in extreme pain and heavily sedated.","Martin gives his comments from where he is sitting on his \"throne.\"","Martin: This never would have happened if you had taken the time to find out who this Clarence guy was! You never pay any attention to the little people in your life.","Frasier: Yes, well as soon as we're done with this, why don't we invite all the commoners over to drive me down to the town square and give me a good stoning! [doorbell] That must be Niles. He's going to take me down to the hospital.","Frasier opens the door to Niles. He is stood with a wide smile on his face and his flour child hanging from him in a baby carrier.","Frasier: Hello Niles. [notices]","Niles: Hello Frasier.","Niles enters not even thinking about the ludicrous \"baby-bag.\"","Martin: What are you doing with that thing?","Niles: I'm forging a parent-child bond that will last forever.","Martin: Well that's a relief, I was afraid it might be something stupid!","Niles: If it makes you feel any better, I don't wear this in public, I just wanted to get the complete picture of parenthood.","Frasier: And?","Niles: It's driving me batty!","Niles sits down and knocks the what-would-be head of the baby against the table.","Niles: Oh the feedings every two hours. Constant monitoring where he is, I can see how parents can be obsessed with worry. Last night, I actually had a dream my flour sack was abducted and the kidnapper started sending me muffins in the mail. Well, on the plus side, I've learned a lot. I think if I ever undergo through the real thing I'll make quite a wonderful parent.","Niles lifts it out of its pouch revealing to us that it is in fact burnt to a crisp.","Frasier: Niles! What has happened to your child?","Niles: I was practicing my Tai Chi exercises this morning and I accidentally kicked him into the reflecting pool. That's when I brought him inside and left him by the hearth to dry.","Frasier: He caught on fire?","Niles: It's not as careless as you make it seem. After all, a real child would have cried before it burst into flames!","Niles's watch begins to beep.","Niles: Oh, time for his nap. Niles puts the sack on the couch with it's \"head\" on a cushion.","Niles: Turn him over if he starts fussing, will you, dad?","Martin: No.","Niles: I'm role playing, dad.","Martin: Try playing the role of a sane person.","Frasier and Niles cross to the sherry, they pour.","Frasier: So Niles, any closer to making a decision about fatherhood?","Niles: To tell you the truth, no. At one minute I think there's no chance in hell I'll ever be able to stand the stress. The next I find myself daydreaming about taking my son on his first trip to the museum or listening to him pick out his first feeble \"F\u00fcr Elise\" on the piano and I swear there are tears in my eyes.","Frasier notices that Eddie has begun ripping Niles's son to bits. Flour is all over the couch.","Frasier: Oh, dear.","Niles: What?","Frasier: Eddie.","Daphne: [Australian accent:] That dingo's got your baby!","Niles notices and stands up to go to the rescue.","Niles: Oh God, Eddie!","Daphne: Don't worry, I'll clean up that mess, Dr. Crane.","Niles: Oh my God.","Martin: For God's sake, Niles, calm down. I think it's time you realized something. That is not a person, it's a bag of flour. There's an easy trick to tell the difference: people don't usually come with pop-over recipes on their backs. This whole thing's stupid. We're talking about having a baby here. You don't make that decision intellectually, you make it in here. [points to his chest] In your gut. You must have a gut feeling, Niles - what is it?","Niles: I'm not sure.","Martin: Well, you better be because no amount of thinking can prepare you for what having a kid is really like. It's hard, full of surprises. Like maybe your kid won't want to take piano lessons or go to the museum. He might want to go to a baseball game.","Niles: Don't even say that.","Martin: Just trust yourself, son. That's all. You'll know if it's right or not.","Frasier: [picks card up:] Well, Niles, I'm finished with this now, if you're ready to take me to the hospital.","Niles: You know Frasier, I'm beginning to wonder if this whole experiment wasn't just a way of convincing myself that I'm ready for something when I know in my heart, I'm not.","Frasier: What do you mean?","Niles: I want to have a baby, but I just don't want it enough. That's the hardest thing I've ever had to admit.","Frasier: Why do you say that?","Niles: Oh, because it's so selfish. I'm the right age, I have the money, the energy.","Frasier: Niles, it's only selfish when people have babies for the wrong reasons. I think more people should do what you did and find out if they're really ready. Look, just because you feel this way now doesn't mean things can't change a few years down the line.","Niles: Perhaps you're right. Of course, Maris and I will be over forty then. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to look into getting some of her eggs frozen.","Frasier: Ooh, I suspect they're only a few degrees away from that now.","Frasier and Niles exit.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Three - Hospital Corridor Niles and Frasier are walking down the corridor of the hospital.","Niles: You're certainly going to a lot of trouble for this Clarence fellow. Who is he?","Frasier: Beats me. Some guy down at the station.","Frasier enters the room with the patient in. The old man is in bed fast asleep. Frasier notices get-well cards strung across a string above the man's bed so opens the card to put it with the rest. However, upon opening the card the music strikes up. Frasier quickly puts the card up and the whole string falls down covering the sleeping man in cards. Meanwhile the music from the card puts a finishing touch to the scene.","Frasier quickly hurries out slamming the door behind him. When he gets out, Niles has gone, and he comes face to face with an old man walking along the corridor. This man is the real Clarence. He is walking with his wife, Mary.","Clarence: Dr. Crane! It's Clarence. You weren't in there looking for me, were you?","Frasier: As a matter of fact I was, yes.","Clarence: They changed my room.","Mary: Oh, this is so sweet of you.","Frasier: Well, you know, Clarence is such a fixture down at the station. I just haven't felt the same there without him.","Clarence: You find the time to come down here while the rest of those bums at the station don't even send me a card.","Frasier: Gee, Clarence, there's an explanation for that...","Frasier opens the room he just went in and offstage we hear the music and a man screaming, \"Make the music stop!\" Frasier quickly shuts the door.","Frasier: You see, the others at the station, they just don't know you the way I do. Yes, well you get yourself well and get right back there. I miss seeing you every time I walk by the.... place you tend to be. [calls:] Niles.","We now see another hospital corridor. It is the birth ward. Niles is looking through a window at all the newborns.","Frasier: [calls:] Niles. [enters] Niles, what are you doing?","Niles: Looking at these babies. I can't help wondering if I made the right decision.","Frasier: Niles...","Niles: Oh look at them, they're healthy, beautiful, lovable...","Frasier: Flammable!","Niles: How can I deny myself this experience? Maybe I'm more ready for parenthood than I thought.","The cab driver from Scene Two enters from a room across the hallway. She is carrying her baby.","Arleen: Hey, what are you guys doing here?","Frasier: How funny running into you, and this must be...","Arleen: Yes, little Nathan. Oh, I'm so glad I ran into you. We both want to thank you guys again. So, would one of you like to hold him?","Niles: Yes. [he is thrilled to hold him and does so] Shush! [Nathan starts crying] Why shouldn't you cry? Everything's so new to you, so much to do, a life to live.","Arleen: No, you've got his leg pinned back.","She takes him from him.","Arleen: Well, see you guys. Say hi to your dad for me. [leaves]","Niles: Perhaps I made the right decision.","Frasier: Oh, I think so. Ready to go?","Niles: Uh-huh.","Frasier exits as Niles carries on staring at the newborns.","END OF ACT TWO","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frasier's Apartment Daphne is in the kitchen making a cake. There is a bowlful of flour on the side. There is also a pack of flour which Daphne picks up and cuddles as if it were a baby. Martin enters and laughs at her. So Daphne takes some flour and throws it at Martin. Martin does it back to her. They carry on throwing more and more flour until Daphne takes the whole bowl and throws it over his head as we FADE OUT."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"02x04","Episode Title":"Flour Child","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_02x20.json","Recap":["After Roz and Frasier talk about emotional connection, Frasier decides to accompany his father and Niles on an ice-fishing weekend in an effort to deepen their relationship."],"Transcript":["ACT ONE","ROZ DOYLE AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM","Scene One - KACL Frasier is wrapping up his show.","Frasier: Well, that's it for today. Goodbye, and good listening. He goes off the air, and walks into Roz's booth. She's preoccupied.","Frasier: Little off our game today, aren't we, Roz? Is something wrong?","Roz: Yes. I told a guy I love him.","Frasier: Somebody you know this time?","Roz: [gives him a look, then] Forget it, Frasier, I know you don't like to hear about my love-life.","Frasier: Oh, Roz, don't be ridiculous. I care about you. If you have a problem, and I can help, I'd love to. Just keep the details on a need-to-know basis.","Roz: OK. We've been dating a couple of weeks, and last night he started licking me behind my ear. See, I have this sweet little spot there...","Frasier: Uh, Roz, is this-?","Roz: Yes, you do need to know this. So anyway, what I meant to say was, \"Oh, I love that!\" But I got so caught up that I yelled out, \"Oh, I love you!\" and then all of a sudden he got this look on his face like Indiana Jones running from the big ball!","Frasier: Well, uh, Roz, do you love him?","Roz: No! But I said it, so he should have said it back, it's just polite.","Frasier: There is no more emotionally charged phrase in the language than \"I love you.\" Some people are just incapable of saying it, it makes them too vulnerable. My father, for instance, incapable of saying \"I love you,\" even to me. But I know he does.","Roz: So your father never told you he loves you? God, that explains so much.","Frasier: What is that supposed to mean?!","Roz: Well, maybe if he had, you wouldn't be so emotionally needy that when a close friend asks your advice, you have to steer the conversation back to your own problems. So anyway, now that I told this guy I love him, how do I take it back?","Frasier: [putting on his jacket] Very simple, Roz. Do you remember when I said that I cared about you and I'd like to help?","Roz: Yeah?","Frasier: [picks up his briefcase] I take it back.","He strides out of the booth, leaving Roz gaping.","[SCENE_BREAK]","I ONLY HAVE ICE FOR YOU","Scene Two - Apartment Martin is going through his tackle box at the dinner table. Eddie jumps up and starts sniffing.","Martin: Eddie, get out of there! You'll get a fishhook up your nose! Daphne comes out of the kitchen, spraying air freshener.","Daphne: Don't you ever clean that thing out?","Martin: No! It's bad luck. Everybody knows that. You show up on a fishing trip with a tackle box that doesn't smell like the most rancid, rotten thing on the face of the earth, and nobody'll sit next to you.","Frasier and Niles come in.","Frasier: Yes, Niles, I used to have the same problem with my multiple personality patients. They always kept saying that the other one had sent the check!","Niles: [sniffing] What an odd combination of odors. Smells like a fish died, and all the other fish sent flowers.","Frasier: Yes, it's time for Dad's annual ice-fishing trip to Lake Nomahegan.","Martin: Yep, I'm getting my gear ready. Duke rented a cabin right on the lake, and I'm bringing the bait and the pork rinds. Now, just 'cause your old man's going out of town, I don't want you boys throwing any wild parties.","Frasier: How can we if you're taking all the pork rinds?","Niles: I can't figure it out. [probes a finger in the tackle box] How could a fish be so dumb as to put its mouth around - Ow!","He jerks his finger back and puts it in his mouth. The phone rings. Daphne answers.","Daphne: Hello? Oh, hello! Yes, he's right here. [to Martin] It's Duke.","Martin: Oh! [takes phone] Hey, Duke! [face falls] Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, sure I understand. Hey, we'll do it next year. Yeah, we've had too many good times up there to let this tradition die. [laughs] Yeah, yeah, I love ya, you big lug! OK, bye.","He hangs up. Frasier looks a little put-out.","Daphne: Your trip's been canceled?","Martin: Yeah, Duke's back's out again.","Daphne: Oh, what a shame. You were so looking forward to it.","Martin: Well, I still have the cabin. But I can't go alone...","He looks meaningfully at Frasier.","Frasier: Dad, look, as much as I'd like to do something with you this weekend, I'm afraid ice fishing just isn't it. Oh, look, look, here's an idea! You know what, they're doing a revival of \"The Iceman Cometh\" playing downtown! Now, you see, we could catch a matinee, and then go out for sushi, and stay well within the same theme music, you know?","Martin: Thanks, anyway.","Daphne: Well, I'd go, but to me the pleasure of fishing has always been waiting for the men to return with their catch. Oh, I can still see my brothers' friends coming back from the lake, their chiseled faces all ruddy and wind-burnt. Ooh, they were so masculine, I just couldn't wait to panfry their kippers!","Regular as clockwork:","Niles: I'll go ice fishing, Dad!","Martin: Really, are you sure?","Niles: Unless you don't want me to...","Martin: No, I do! Oh, this'll be great!","Frasier: You, ice-fishing?","Niles: Well, why not? I've always thought of myself as a man of the great al fresco.","Frasier: Niles, you get a runny nose watching figure skating on TV.","Martin: Hey, thanks, Niles.","Niles: It's the very least I can do if it'll help save your trip for you.","Frasier: Yes, well, Niles, that's quite a gesture. But I mean, really, ice-fishing? In an arctic tundra where large men spit and it freezes in their beards?","Niles: After you've seen Maris's interpretive dance group perform \"Afternoon of a Faun\" in the east garden, the wilderness holds no terror.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Three - Apartment The next morning. Daphne is making sandwiches in the kitchen. Frasier comes in.","Frasier: Morning, Daphne.","Daphne: Good morning! Lovely day, isn't it?","Frasier: Well, you're in a good mood.","Daphne: Yes, well, as much as I love your father, with him gone it's going to be a wonderful weekend... care to make it perfect?","Frasier: I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I am staying.","Martin comes in, wearing his heavy boots.","Martin: Well, I found the thermos! Be sure to make that coffee extra- strong!","Eddie runs up and barks.","Martin: Oh, hey, how you doing, chief? Yeah, I know you want to go with me, but we're gonna be on the ice, it'll be too cold for you. Yeah, I love ya, you little mutt! Well, I better go make sure I have everything.","Frasier is thrown off again. Martin leaves the kitchen.","Frasier: Did he just say \"I love you\" to the dog?","Daphne: Oh, that's nothing. I had an aunt who used to say, \"good night, Mr. Vanderpump\" to a hat rack.","Frasier: Does he say that to Eddie a lot?","Daphne: Well, I try to give them their privacy.","Frasier goes to the front door to get the paper.","Frasier: I'm sorry, Daphne, I'm just curious. I don't mean to sound maudlin, but, you know I can't remember Dad ever saying that to me.","Daphne: Oh, you know what a crusty old git your dad is.","Frasier: Well, yes, but he says it to Eddie, you know he said it to Duke the other day on the phone...","Daphne: Duke and your father go way back. He's his chum.","Frasier: And I'm not?","Daphne: Well, you know when your dad wants to go fishing, at least Duke will go with him.","Frasier: So you're suggesting that I go along and pretend I'm enjoying myself, doing something that gives me absolutely no pleasure at all, just to hear the words \"I love you?\"","Daphne: Why not? Women have been doing it for centuries.","Daphne goes back to the kitchen. The doorbell rings. Frasier opens the door to Niles, who is decked out head-to-toe in brand new winter clothes and fishing paraphernalia, including an oversized fur hat.","Niles: Call me Ishmael.","[N.B. The first line of \"Moby Dick.\"]","Martin comes out and sees him.","Martin: Wow, Niles, look at you! Now are you sure you're gonna be warm enough?","Niles: No problem there. I dressed in layers - Polo, Eddie Bauer, and Timberland.","Frasier: You look like a skinny Elmer Fudd.","Niles: Dad, wait'll you see all the stuff I got. I had no idea how much I liked fishing until I realized all the shopping involved. Graphite poles...","Martin: Wow!","Niles: And, [takes out a pair of blue seat cushions] Hot Buns!","Martin: Wow!","Niles: They're heated seat cushions. You microwave them and they stay toasty warm for hours.","Frasier: You know, Dad, maybe I was a little hasty...","Daphne comes out of the kitchen.","Daphne: All right, here we are, some snacks for the trip, or- [sees Niles and laughs] Oh, Dr. Crane, look at you in your new togs!","Martin: Yeah, quite an outfit, huh? The fish'll see him coming!","Daphne: Yes, well, the salesman certainly did!","Frasier: Dad, you know, I feel kind of bad that I turned you down when you invited me...","Martin: Oh, don't worry about it.","Niles: Wait'll you taste this freshly smoked turkey jerky!","Daphne: [to Frasier] For heaven's sakes, you know you want to go, so why don't you just ask him?","Frasier: How can I? I already said I didn't want to.","Martin: [tasting the jerky] Oh, that's delicious!","Niles: No, don't put it back in the bag!","Martin: Hey, Niles, come on, it's getting late.","Niles: Well, yes, guess we'd better hit the road.","Frasier: You know, guys, it's kind of a long trip. Are you sure you're up to the drive?","Martin: Frasier, I'm getting some mixed signals here. You don't want to go with us, do you?","Frasier: Oh, all right! Better than hearing you nag, nag, nag all the time! Fine, I'll go!","He storms to his room, leaving Martin and Niles confused.","[SCENE_BREAK]","PROOF THAT HELL REALLY DOES FREEZE OVER","Scene Four - Cabin A small, square cabin on the surface of the lake - essentially a wooden box with a trapdoor in the center of the floor. There are three wooden benches against the walls, but no beds.","Martin limps through the door. He turns back.","Martin: Hey, come on! The ice isn't gonna break, this lake's been frozen solid for three months.","Frasier stumbles through the door, carrying a large thermos and doing his best not to look thoroughly miserable.","Frasier: Well, I'm-I'm sorry, Dad. It's just that when you said Duke rented a cabin \"on the lake,\" this is not what I had in mind.","Martin: It's a cabin. It's on the lake.","Frasier: Yes - a few degrees warmer, it'll be IN the lake.","Niles comes in, breathless.","Niles: That was amazing! I've never felt so in touch with nature!","Martin: What happened?","Niles: For the first time in my life, I just urinated outdoors!","Martin laughs. Frasier wonders if his brother has flipped completely.","Niles: Another cup of coffee, I'll go back and dot the \"I!\" [looks around] Oh Dad, this is great!","Martin: Yeah... well, Frasier doesn't think so.","Frasier: Well, it's not that I'm complaining. It's just that I thought it would be something more... well, lake-adjacent. Are we actually going to sleep in here?","Niles: [laughing] Who is this rube? Maybe we can trick him into touching his tongue to the bait bucket!","Martin: No, we're fishing here, we're sleeping someplace else. Remember where we turned off the highway? Well, right down from there is the Bed 'N Bass Motel.","Frasier: \"Bed 'N Bass\" - yes, one of the finer fish-themed hotels.","He picks up a long auger screw from the wall.","Frasier: So, what do we do? We make a hole in the ice with this little corkscrew-thingy and then just start fishing?","Niles: It's called an \"auger.\"","Frasier: Well, imagine my embarrassment.","Niles: [handing Martin one of two seat cushions] Here's your Hot Buns, Dad.","Martin: Oh, thanks.","Frasier: What am I gonna sit on?","Niles: The auger's free. [off Frasier's look] Oh, all right, come on, come on, here.","He slides over, leaving half of his own seat cushion free. Frasier sits beside him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Five - Cabin The guys are sitting side by side on the bench. A fishing rod is mounted over the open trapdoor, with the line dangling down a hole in the ice. Nothing's happening. Frasier covertly pulls his sleeve up and sneaks a glance at his watch.","Martin: I saw that.","Frasier: I'm not bored. I was simply wondering how long we've been sitting here enjoying ourselves.","Niles: If the fish don't feel peckish just now, we'll pass the time in good conversation. Dad, did you know that Lake Nomahegan was formed by the retreat of several glaciers during the Cenozoic Era?","Frasier: Which, coincidentally, is the last time anyone caught a fish in it.","Martin: How'd you know that, Niles?","Niles: Well, last night I was browsing through \"Fielding's Geological History of Western Canada.\" It's fascinating! For example, did you know this very lake is eighty-nine meters deep and boasts fifty varieties of fish!","Frasier: Oh, Alex, I'll take \"Bodies of Water\" for five hundred!","Niles: It has lake trout, rainbow trout, wall-eyed pike-","Frasier: How would you like to be sleeping with them?!","Martin: Hey, you know, you could learn a thing or two from your brother about getting into the spirit of things.","Frasier: Well, I'm sorry, it's just that my back hurts, I'm hungry, and I'm tired of sitting here trying to warm up one bun at a time in twenty-degree weather! That's negative six degrees Celsius, a system named after Anders Celsius, the famed Swedish astronomer and compulsive temperature-taker! Niles, switch!","He gets up and moves to the other side of Niles's Hot Buns.","Niles: I believe you're on my side.","Frasier: I am not.","Niles: You've crossed the border!","Frasier: [getting up] Oh my God, I don't even know why I'm here!","Niles: I'm thinking the same thing myself.","Martin: Now, guys, come on!","Niles: If you're having such a terrible time, why don't you just head back to the Bed 'N Bass?","Frasier: Oh fine, that's just what I need, a brisk five-mile hike through sub-freezing temperature.","Niles: Oh, for God's sake, take the car, you can pick us up later.","Frasier: Fine.","Niles: [searching his pocket] Oh, no. There's a hole in my pocket.","Martin: You lost the keys?","Frasier: Oh, no. Where?","Niles: Well, if I knew where, they wouldn't be lost! They could be anywhere between here and the car.","Martin: Well, good luck finding them, it's been snowing all day.","Niles: Great - we're gonna have to stay here all night.","Frasier: This is just dandy! By morning we'll be Stoafer's Frozen Entr\u00e9es for wolves!","Martin: [points under the bench] Hey, wait a minute, is that them over there?","Niles: Where? [sees them] Oh, oh, oh, thank God! [picks them up]","Frasier: All right, mister, I don't trust you. Give me those right now.","Niles: Fine, Mr. Big Brother!","He tosses them to Frasier - well, \"toss\" being used loosely, more like an anemic lob that sends the keys plummeting down the fishing hole.","Niles: Nice catch!","Frasier: Me? You throw like a girl!","Martin: Hey come on, let's not panic. You know, we're gonna be fine staying here all night. You know, the same thing happened to me and Duke about ten years ago.","Niles: You dropped your car keys down the hole?","Martin: No, we're not idiots. The car battery died. But the three of us made it through the night just fine.","Niles: You, Duke, and who?","Martin produces a flask bottle of bourbon.","Martin: My old drinking buddy, Mr. James Beam! You're not the only one who went out and got some fishing supplies.","He takes a healthy swig, then hands it to Frasier.","Frasier: Boy, I never thought I'd end up yearning for the Bed 'N Bass. [takes a swig] Niles?","Niles: [taking a sherry glass from his bag] Yes, please!","Frasier fills the sherry glass, as Martin rolls his eyes.","END OF ACT ONE","[SCENE_BREAK]","ACT TWO","Scene Six - Cabin The boys are waiting out the day. Each has a bench to himself. Suddenly they hear a low creaking sound.","Frasier: My God, what was that?","Martin: Just the ice cracking underneath us.","Frasier and Niles, panicked, lift their feet off the floor.","Martin: Relax, it happens all the time.","Niles: Well, if we do fall in we'll have ninety seconds until hypothermia sets in.","Frasier: One more fact, you're going in that hole!","Niles stands up.","Niles: [defiantly] The wall-eyed pike-","Frasier: OK, that's it!","The brothers get up and face off.","Martin: Stop it! Will you guys stop going after each other already? I know, we got to lighten things up around here. Hey, we're drinking, we need a drinking song!","Frasier: All right, all right. Ooh, I know, there's a wonderful drinking song from \"La Traviata\" called, uh, \"Libiamo Brindisi!\"","Niles: No, no, no, no, that's from \"Rigoletto.\"","Frasier: No, it's from \"La Traviata!\"","Frasier starts singing \"Libiamo\" in a brassy opera voice. Niles tries to correct his pitch, singing the same word in a different voice. Martin rolls his eyes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Seven - Cabin A While Later. After a few more drinks, the three Crane men are sitting on the same bench, singing \"Libiamo Brindisi.\" They're slow, and off-key, but at least they're in unison.","Frasier\/Niles\/Martin: Si, ne scopra, ne scopra, Il nuovo di... They finish and start laughing.","Martin: That was great! What's the second verse?","Niles: I don't know, it's in Italian! [laughter] Another drink, Dad?","Martin: No, no, I'll take a pass on that, I got to go use the facilities. But, I'll be right back, so keep a light on in the window for me!","Martin limps out the door.","Frasier: Well, I'm still thirsty, Niles. Here, \"Beam\" me up. Niles giggles and hands Frasier the bottle.","Frasier: Niles, do you mind if I ask you a personal question? What the hell are you doing here?","Niles: What do you mean?","Frasier: You know, this whole \"Sergeant Niles of the Yukon\" act. I mean, come on, it can't be all to impress Daphne-","Niles: It's not an act!","Frasier: Niles, in twenty years, I've never heard you comment on fish except to say that the sauce had separated.","Niles: All right. I'll tell you. You promise not to laugh?","Frasier: You'll have to take that hat off.","Niles: Well, two years ago when you took Dad in, I thought I was getting away with something. Watching you two get closer, I started to think maybe I was missing out on something.","Frasier: You want him?","Niles: No, no, let me finish. I just really feel the need to make a connection.","Frasier: Well, Niles, I think you've made a connection. It just seems a little extreme though, you know? You probably could have accomplished the same thing if you'd just taken him to Captain Andy's Surf N' Turf!","Niles: And miss out on all the fun of memorizing 101 useless fish facts and buying a large battery-operated wardrobe? [laughs]","Frasier: So you're having just a bad a time as I am!","Niles: Oh, oh, oh, worse! At least you have the fun of complaining, I have to feign enthusiasm! Oh, oh... [sinks down] I really am King of the Ninnies, aren't I?","Frasier: Oh no. Don't be reaching for that scepter yet, son. Want to know the reason I came up here?","Niles: Hmm.","Frasier: It was just to hear him say the words \"I love you.\"","Niles: What?","Frasier: Yeah, well, you know - he said it to Duke, he said it to Eddie. He's never said it to me.","Niles: Surely you don't put yourself up there with Eddie? [they laugh] Oh, Frasier, you know he loves you!","Frasier: Oh yeah, of course I do. I'm being ridiculous, I know that. I mean, look at the guy! He's content just to sit here freezing his buns off because we're sitting here with him. It's just I guess I just got a little obsessed about, you know, hearing it. Well, I mean, you know that Maris loves you, right? But it's still nice to hear it.","Niles: I imagine it would be, but let's stick to attainable goals.","They laugh again.","Frasier: As they laugh the laugh of the damned. Martin comes in.","Martin: Hey, I did it! I wrote my name out there! I had to borrow an \"N\" from Niles, but I did it!","Frasier: We're leaving quite the urological crossword puzzle out there, aren't we?","Martin: What were you guys laughing at?","Frasier: Oh, nothing.","Martin: Oh, come on! Don't leave your old man out.","Frasier: Well... all right, O.K. I was just explaining to Niles the reason why I drove all this way up here was to... I was hoping I'd hear you say the words, \"I love you.\" [laughs]","Martin: Oh, jeez, I leave you for two minutes and you have to start thinking. Isn't it enough that we're just here having a good time?","Niles: Dad...","Martin: You know, every year in this country thousands of guys go fishing, and love never enters into it!","Frasier: Okay, okay, forget about it.","Martin: Thank you. Can we just go on fishing?","Frasier: Sure.","They settle onto the same bench again, watching the hole.","Niles: A fisherman in Oshkosh, Wisconsin stared into one of these holes for twenty years before he caught his first fish.","Frasier: Haven't we been here that long?","He and Niles laugh, but Martin gets up and moves to another bench.","Martin: Anyway, just because I didn't say it doesn't mean I don't mean it or feel it.","Frasier: Dad, that's exactly what we were saying.","Niles: Absolutely.","Martin: Yeah, well, my dad never said it, but I know he felt it. I mean, feeling it's the same as saying it, isn't it?","Frasier: Dad, you don't have to say it.","Martin: [upset] Well, did it ever occur to you that... maybe I want to say it? You know, your mother used to get all over me about not saying stuff too. [pause] Well, I can't say it if you're looking at me!","Niles: Would it help you if we left?","Martin: Just for that, I'm doing you second!","The boys look away. Martin stares down into his lap.","Martin: I don't know why it's so hard.","Frasier: Dad, listen, you know you can say it. I mean, I heard you say it to Duke.","Martin: Oh, that's different, I said, \"I love ya!\" Ya!","Frasier: We'd take \"ya.\"","Niles: Yeah.","Martin: Well, if I'm gonna do it, I'll do it right. [sniff] Frasier...","Martin stops and takes a long pull from the bottle.","Martin: Frasier... I love you. Niles... I love you.","Frasier: Thanks, Dad. I love you too.","Niles: And I love you too.","Silence.","Niles: But I hate ice-fishing! Martin and Frasier smile.","Martin: Well, it's the last time you'll have to come out and do that.","Niles: Oh, in that case I REALLY love you!","Martin: Well, thanks, Niles.","Niles: Oh, look at that, that's so cute. When you say it to him, he blushes! I love you!","Martin: Oh, no!","Niles: I love you...","Martin: Oh, come on!","Frasier: I love you...","Martin: No, cut that out...","Niles and Frasier crowd Martin, repeating \"I love you.\" Martin tries to shoo them away.","Onto this strange scene a park ranger appears in the doorway.","Niles: Come on, give us a kiss!","Martin: Oh, shut up!","Ranger: [knocking on the glass] Excuse me!","Martin: Hey, officer!","Niles: Oh, we're saved!","Ranger: You guys are gonna have to come off the ice for the night.","Martin: Well, we can't, we lost the car keys.","Ranger: Then I'll take you to your motel, and you can call a locksmith in the morning.","Martin: Oh, thanks, officer!","Frasier: That's a wonderful idea, you're quite a sport.","Niles: Yes! Yes! Thank you, we love you!","The ranger holds up a \"No, Thanks!\" hand.","Niles: Ya! We love ya!","Martin: We've been drinking a little.","The Crane boys exit. The Ranger follows them out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Daphne looks around the empty apartment one last time, and sighs. Then she goes to the door and opens it. Martin comes in with a string of four or five large fish. Daphne takes the string and gives him a big kiss on the cheek.","Frasier follows Martin in with his own string - not as many as Martin, but just as large. Daphne takes the string and gives him another kiss on the cheek.","Niles follows Frasier in, somewhat sulkily. On his string hangs a small, solitary minnow. Daphne takes the string and gives Niles a little kiss on the cheek. For him, that's enough to make the trip worthwhile."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"02x20","Episode Title":"Breaking The Ice","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_03x02.json","Recap":["Niles and Frasier are in the office of couples therapist Dr. Schachter. Flashbacks show Frasier receiving a call on his show about a recurring dream, which he does not have time to investigate fully, while Niles is having problems with a tenant in his office, a practitioner of scream therapy. When Frasier revealed his discontent with radio psychiatry, and his wish to return to private practice, Niles proposed that the solution to his difficult psychiatrist co-tenant is to replace him with Frasier. The prospect of working together and consulting each other excited the two brothers initially, but they soon fall out."],"Transcript":["ACT ONE","Scene One(a) - Therapist's Office The scene fades in on Niles, who is lying on a therapist's couch, pouring his heart out.","Niles: You try and try, but at some point you finally have to admit, as much as you care about each other, your relationship isn't working and hasn't been for some time.","The camera pans across to show Dr. Schachter, a couples therapist, sitting in an easy chair and taking notes.","Schachter: But you two wouldn't be sitting here with me if you didn't want to save this relationship. Isn't that true?","Niles: Well, I'd be willing to try. I can't speak for...","The camera pans across to reveal not Maris, but Frasier, sitting on an identical therapist's couch.","Frasier: You don't have to speak for me, Niles. I'm perfectly capable of speaking for myself.","Niles: Yes, I know. Caruso wasn't so in love with the sound of his own voice.","Frasier: What is that supposed to mean?","Niles: Well, you tell me, Enrico. What do you think it means?","Frasier: I guess I can tell you...","The two start arguing until Schachter intervenes.","Schachter: Gentlemen, gentlemen, please! [they quiet down] Now, are we agreed that we want to do something to fix this problem?","Frasier and Niles mutter sullenly.","Frasier\/Niles: Yeah...\/Well, if it's fixable, I suppose...","Schachter: All right. Why doesn't one of you tell me how this started?","Niles starts to open his mouth, but-","Frasier: Well, it began with me. Last week, I was at work doing my radio show. I was on the air with a troubled young woman. She had just started telling me about a recurring dream she had since childhood.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Two - KACL Frasier flashes back to his show.","Jill: [v.o] Okay, I'm in my bedroom, I'd just gotten out of the bath tub to get dressed. When I opened the closet, all my clothes are gone. Suddenly, I hear the sound of footsteps on the drive outside. I turn and there is a little girl with her nose pressed up against the window.","Frasier: That is amazing!","Meanwhile, Roz notices the time.","Jill: [v.o] But her breath is clogging up the glass so that I can't make out her face. Only, I'm sure she's come to tell me something important.","Roz tries to get Frasier's attention about the show coming to the close but he fails to notice her.","Frasier: So, a girl on the other side of a glass with an urgent message.","Roz now gets on the side and frantically bangs on the window telling him the time is up but he still doesn't realize.","Frasier: And for some reason you're unwilling or able to receive it.","Roz: [switches on her microphone] I'm sorry, Dr. Crane, I hate to interrupt, but you're all out of time for today.","Frasier: Oh, dear. Um, listen, Jill, I'm terribly sorry, but listen, [Bulldog enters looking annoyed at his delay] I'd like to continue talking to you when we're off the air, so please don't hang up. In the meantime, listeners, I've enjoyed our time today. Tune in again tomorrow when we'll be talking with...","Bulldog: [into microphone] Blah, blah, Frasier Crane Show, happy health, goodbye!","Bulldog presses the off-air button and pushes Frasier to the wall in his chair, yanking off his headphones as he does so. Frasier walks out of the booth as Bulldog begins his show.","Bulldog: Yo, Jill. You a football fan?","Jill: [v.o] Not really.","Bulldog: Beat it! [presses button] All right, this is Bulldog, ready to go!","Frasier enters Roz's booth where Bulldog's producer is working. Frasier chats to Roz who is sorting the carts.","Frasier: I hate this job. Not only do I have to put up with that annoying little sweat-sock, but when a caller comes in who has a truly fascinating problem, I'm barely even able to scratch the surface. It makes me want to run screaming back to private practice!","Roz: I can imagine how frustrated you must be. This show's gotta be constraining for a man of your staggering intellect.","[gives him a smile of awe]","Niles: [v.o.] Hold it, stop, wait a minute!","SMASH CUT TO: Scene One(b) - Therapist's Office.","Niles: You expect us to believe that Roz actually used a phrase like \"staggering intellect\"?","Frasier: It was something like that.","Niles: So, she might have said your \"boundless brilliance,\" or, say, \"the Olympian reaches of your wisdom.\"","Frasier: Oh, Niles, do shut up.","Niles: Oh, you shut up!","They carry on arguing for a while.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene One(c) - Therapist's Office. We go back to where we left off with Frasier and Niles arguing.","Schachter: Gentlemen, gentlemen! It is not important exactly what was said.","Niles: No, what is important is that he assumes it revolves around him, when the truth is it started several days before that, with me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Three - Niles's Office Flashback. Niles is comforting an elderly patient, who is holding herself with both arms in fear.","Niles: [v.o.] I'd been having some trouble with the psychiatrist in the office next door. His unconventional therapy had started to intrude upon my sessions.","Niles: [going to patient] Mrs. Kelly, the key here is that you trust me. So long as you're in this office you have no reason to feel anything but safe.","A man's scream is heard from next door which scares Mrs. Kelly.","Niles: Just, please, think of this as your refuge, your sanctuary. A woman's scream bellows in, scaring Mrs. Kelly further.","Niles: I'm not saying that being a sole survivor of a plane crash wasn't a traumatizing experience for you. But, I can get you to a point where the memories no longer haunt you.","Now both the man and the woman scream together, reducing Mrs. Kelly to a nervous wreck. Niles can do nothing but put his arm around her.","Niles: [v.o.] His primal scream madness was ruining my practice. I had to do something. The opportunity presented itself that Friday.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment. Niles carries on with his narration over this scene: Niles is going to the bar for sherry as Daphne folds some clothes. Martin is sat in his chair and Frasier is on the sofa.","Niles: [v.o] I'd come to Frasier's for dinner. I remember Daphne, my father's health care worker, was telling the most delightful story...","Daphne: Oh, I know what you're going though, Dr. Crane, dealing with a noisy neighbour. Have I ever mentioned that couple that lived next door to me in London? A married couple, who made the most un-Godly racket - in bed! The walls must have been like tissue paper because I'd hear the whole performance every night. Finally, I decided the only to get them to stop was to let them hear what I'd been hearing. So, one night, I moved near the wall and I started...","Niles freezes with the sherry bottle poised over his glass as Daphne acts out her story with voice and actions. Frasier and Martin, also shocked, turn to look at her.","Daphne: [moaning] Ooh, yes! Ooh, oh don't stop - [gasping] Ooh, that's the spot - [screams] Oh, do it again! Oh, you are the beastmaster, aren't you?! Oh, for heaven's sake, just take me, you devil-spawned s*x monkey! [tosses her head, flinging her hair wildly about] YES, YES, YES, YES, YES! [stops, normal again] Problem solved.","Niles: I'm sorry, Daphne, I drifted. Would you mind telling that story again?","Frasier: [v.o] Hold it, stop!","SMASH CUT TO:","Scene One(d) - Therapist's Office. Frasier stops the flashback.","Frasier: Niles, you know full well that Daphne merely told us that story, she did not act it out.","Niles: [uncertain] Didn't she?","Frasier: No! Just tell the story!","Niles: Fine. It was a few hours later...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Five(a) - Frasier's Apartment. The flashback takes us to a few hours later that night when Martin, Frasier and Niles sit down with cups.","Niles: [v.o] We were having espresso, and, perhaps to counter-act the stimulative effect, Frasier was telling us about his day.","Frasier: You know, I can't stop thinking about my last caller today. Fascinating young woman who had a recurring dream.","Martin: You know who's a helluva dreamer? Eddie.","The boys give him a look.","Martin: One night I'd wake up, he's lying on my forehead, dead asleep, with a big clump of my hair in his mouth, growlin'! Bet you'd love to analyze that little brain of his.","Frasier: [sarcastic] Yes, that would be the jewel in the crown of my career! [then:] Still, thinking about this woman has started me longing for private practice. I guess I just miss the chance to dig deep with my patients.","Niles: Have you considered seeing patients on the side?","Frasier: Oh yes, of course. I've got a list of people who've expressed interest.","Niles: Frasier, I have a proposition. I mentioned that doctor in the office next door? Well, his lease is up. If you were interested in his office, as his landlord, I could tell him and his screaming meamies to hit the road!","Frasier: You?","Niles: Mmm-mmm.","Frasier: And I?","Niles: Mmm-mmm.","Frasier: Working side by side?","Niles: Mmm-mmm.","Frasier: I don't mind telling you the prospect sounds... quite exciting!","Niles: [excited] We could consult on each other's patients.","Frasier: [excited] We could give seminars together.","Niles: Even therapy groups!","Frasier: Oh, my God, \"Crane & Crane\", I can see our logo already; a giant Crane hovering over a human head!","Martin begins laughing at their idea.","Frasier: Dad, why are you laughing? Why is Dad laughing?","Martin: You two, you'll never learn.","Niles: Oh, oh, you think this is a bad idea?","Martin: The restaurant you bought together, that was a bad idea! The book you tried to write together, that was a bad idea! But this.... [thinks] No, that restaurant was still the stupidest one.","Frasier: Two little mis-adventures and you doom us to failure.","Martin: Oh, baloney, you've been like this since you were kids. You two can't work together.","Niles: Maybe Dad's right. We're not ready for this, it could lead to conflict and tension.","Frasier: [v.o] Hold it!","SMASH CUT TO:","Scene One(e) - Therapist's Office. Frasier breaks the scene.","Frasier: Niles, tell the truth!","Niles: Oh, all right.","SMASH CUT TO:","Scene Five(b) - Frasier's Apartment. We cut back to just after Martin's speech.","Niles: Stop raining on our parade, Dad!","Frasier: To \"Crane & Crane\"!","The brother clink their espressos together. End of Act One Act Two","HMMM...","Scene Six(a) - Niles's Office. Frasier narrates the story in flashback. Niles is getting some coffee as Frasier enters.","Frasier: [v.o] Well, our first day together began innocently enough...","Frasier: [enters] Good morning, Dr. Crane.","Niles: And to you, Dr. Crane","Frasier: Oh, Niles, why should we be so formal, there's nobody around.","Frasier lifts his hand for a hi-five, Niles backs off in fear.","Frasier: It's a hi-five, Niles!","Niles: Oh, oh, oh, sorry.","They hi-five and Niles lets out a squeal of pain.","Niles: Would you like a coffee?","Frasier: Oh, yes, please. [takes one as he inhales] Oh, Niles, I can't tell you how much I've missed that. The smell of the office place. Freshly oiled leather couches, the pungent coffee, the aroma of an exotic luncheon special wafting up from the cafeteria below.","Niles: Actually, that's the lab next door. They lost power last night, some of their tissue samples turned. By the way, I've put together some recent articles you may want to peruse just to get up to speed. [shows him a select few]","Frasier: Up to speed?","Niles: Well, it has been a while since you've practised and we could all use a little brushing up.","Frasier: Well, that's very considerate of you. Just put my homework assignment in my box there.","Niles: As you wish.","Niles puts the select articles in, then picks up a small pile of books from the desk and also puts them in the box. Then he lifts a large stack of books from the floor and also puts them in the box. Frasier is not amused. Daphne enters, struggling with a large plant.","Daphne: All right, where shall we put this then?","Frasier: Well, the only place it should go, actually, is right here by the couch, I think.","Niles: No, no, Daphne, here on the desk will pick up the earth tones in the carpet.","Frasier: No, there's this desk space here by the coffee station.","Niles: Oh, underneath the heating vent?! Why not just give it a blindfold and a cigarette!","Frasier: It's your office, put it where you like.","Niles: No, no, it is your plant.","Daphne: And it's my bleedin' back, so I'm putting it right here!","Daphne puts the plant down on the coffee table.","Daphne: [aside to Frasier] Honestly, I don't know how you put up with him. [exits]","Niles: [v.o] Liar! Liar! Daphne never said that!","SMASH CUT TO:","Scene One(f) - Therapist's Office. Niles brings the scene back.","Frasier: Well, she said it with body language.","Niles: I happen to be fluent in that language and she said nothing of the kind!","Schachter: Will someone tell me what's so important about this plant?","Niles: You'll know soon enough. I'm telling the rest of the story.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Six(b) - Niles's Practice. We flashback to Daphne still struggling with the plant.","Daphne: I'm putting it right here!","Daphne puts the plant down on the coffee table and exits as Martin enters with some plaques.","Martin: You know the best thing about getting old? Your hair may turn grey, your joints may stiffen, you may even have to walk with a cane. But people still ask you to help them move!","Frasier: Forgive me for overburdening you, Dad. Could you just put those in my office, please?","Martin angrily exits to Frasier's office as Daphne enters and notices the sign on the door. It says \"Niles Crane\" and then in very small letters underneath it says \"Frasier Crane.\"","Daphne: Oh, look at your two names together on the door. Er, Dr. Crane, is your brother's name smaller than yours?","Niles: Yes, that was the only way it would fit. I assumed you wouldn't mind - after all, we're concerned here with healing people, aren't we?","Frasier: Of course, Niles. If I were interested in self-promotion, I guess I'd be content with my radio show, heard every day by over half a million listeners - the Pacific Northwest and parts of Canada!","Niles picks up the plant.","Frasier: What are you doing?","Niles: I'm moving the Chepalire.","Frasier: I like it where it was.","Niles: Yes, but it didn't like it there. It wants light.","Daphne: You two tend to your plant, I'll go fetch the file cabinet!","[exits]","Frasier: I have had this plant for two years and it has never been in direct sunlight.","Niles: Well, obviously, look at it, the leaves are puckering!","Frasier: They are not, they've wilted a little from the ride over in the trunk of the car.","Niles: Oh, nonsense, Mafia snitches emerge from car trunks looking more robust!","Frasier: [gets a hold on the plant] This plant is going right over...","They start bickering again.","Martin: [entering] And so it begins! He laughs and exits.","Niles: [v.o] Of course, the incident with the plant was only the beginning.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene One(g) - Therapist's Office. Niles tells the story.","Niles: That was followed by a run-in at the receptionist's desk, a row at the coffee machine, and a contretemps when Frasier lost the men room's key.","Frasier: That was an accident.","Niles: Yes, it very nearly was.","Frasier: I am so tired of your exaggeration, you always make things fifteen thousand times worse than they are! I'm going to tell the story from now on!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Seven - Niles's Office. Frasier narrates over the scene. Frasier and Niles are stood amongst a therapy group.","Frasier: [v.o] The point is, our nerves were, well, pretty much shot by the time we conducted our first therapy group together...","Niles: First off, I have a colleague to introduce. He is not only An esteemed psychiatrist, he happens to be my brother, Dr. Frasier Crane.","Frasier: Afternoon.","Kedlish: Wow, you're Dr. Crane from the radio.","Frasier: Guilty as charged.","Niles: Yes, but we all have to remind Dr. Crane that this is real psychiatry now, not the radio. No hanging up on the hard ones here!","Frasier: But rest assured I am trained to deal with a full range of issues. Everything from envy to jealousy! But, I'll just be observing today, I don't know you well enough to render any opinions yet, so just pretend I'm not here.","Niles: And good luck with that. [approaches patient] Mrs. Kalish, perhaps you could bring us up to date on how you're dealing with your divorce. This is week two, isn't it?","Kalish: Yes. Well, I actually had my first date last night.","Niles: That's wonderful.","Frasier: Hmmm...","Kalish: Did you say something?","Frasier: I don't think so.","Kalish: It sounded like \"Hmmm...\" like you disapproved.","Frasier: Well, since you've asked. I think in divorce we have painful feelings, which are never the less healthy feelings. We start to date too quickly and we want to be sure that that's not panacea for the pain.","Niles: Ooh, yes, you'll all find my brother's quite adept with those peppy little bromides; \"panacea for the pain\"! You","can almost hear the phrase: We'll be right back after these words from \"Pringles\"!","Carr: You don't want to wait too long before you date though, either. I waited five years but then I was so desperate I stayed with the first woman who came along. She ended up being the same controlling ice princess as my first wife.","Frasier: Hmmm...","Niles: [covering] Well, Mr. Carr...","Carr: Wait, Dr. Crane, it sounded like your brother said something again.","Frasier: Well, since you've asked. It occurred to me that by waiting for five and becoming, as you said, desperate, that perhaps you were really giving yourself license to pursue the woman who reminded you of your first wife. You had to repeat the pattern.","Carr: So, you're saying that it wasn't an accident?","Frasier: We have an expression in psychiatry: \"there are no accidents.\"","Niles: Now let's check in with news and traffic.","Frasier: Dr. Crane, are you denying that most accidents happen for a reason?","Niles: No, Dr. Crane, I believe they do. I'm reminded of a recent \"accident\" involving a four-inch wooden block attached to a men's room key which walked off in somebody's pocket! Clearly an act of hostility, wouldn't ya' say?!","Frasier: Certainly a well-deserved one, considering what an insufferable prig someone has been today!","Niles: You dare call me a prig after I rescued you from that sideshow you call a radio program?","Frasier: One more crack about my show and I'll put that little wooden block in a place you'll always be able to find it!","Niles: [fumes, then:] Group, take five minutes of quiet introspection!","Niles and Frasier leave the office and enter the reception area.","Niles: Frasier, I have made a fist and I'm thinking of using it.","[holds it up]","Frasier: Niles, you are not scaring me... the thumb goes on the outside, Niles! On the outside!","Niles: How dare you try to steal my group!","Frasier: I don't need your group! I've got a group of my own, half a million strong!","Niles: Oh yes, your legions! Why don't you rent a farm, pass out the body paint and call it \"Frasier-stock\"!","Frasier: You know, I'm just a little tired of your condescending attitude. You have not missed one single opportunity to run down my show or grab a book off the shelf to help me \"get up to speed!\" My God, you're such a brilliant healer, you've even taken over the care of my Schefflera!","Niles: Well, you were starving it of sunlight!","Frasier: All right, fine, let's just give this little dear all the sunlight it needs!","Frasier picks it up and throws it out the window, breaking the glass as it goes.","Niles: Are you insane?!","Frasier: If I were, \"Doctor,\" you'd never know it!","Niles: Oh...!","Niles and Frasier carry on arguing whilst Niles's group, frightened, leave behind him.","Niles: Is that my group? Group, group, come back, group! [they exit and then:] I'm very proud of this show of independence! [shakes a fist, then:] I hope you're happy!","Frasier: If I were, \"Doctor,\" you'd never know it!","Niles: Stop saying that!","They carry on arguing until the therapist, Dr. Schachter arrives.","Schachter: Dr. Crane!","Niles: Hello, Dr. Schachter.","Schachter: What's going on?","Niles: I'm having a discussion with my brother.","Schachter: I could hear your discussion across the hall in my office.","Niles: Well, you see, he waltzed in here like the belle of the ball and yet...","Frasier and Niles start arguing again.","Schachter: Now, look, you two are obviously in some distress. As you know, I am a specialist in couples therapy. Now I've never treated brothers before, but still, if you step into my office, I'm sure I can help you.","Schachter: [v.o] Hold it! Hold it!","SMASH CUT TO:","Scene One(h) - Therapist's Office. Dr. Schachter now breaks the story and finishes the flashback.","Schachter: I never said, \"I'm sure I can help you.\" I said, \"I may be able to help you.\"","Niles: See how he twists your words?","Frasier: [dangles men's room key] Right here, buddy boy.","Schachter: Enough! You are doctors! I've never seen anything like this in my life. [to Niles] You think he's trying to steal your patients, [to Frasier] and you think he's trying to undermine you as a psychiatrist. But you must know what is at the root of this problem.","Frasier\/Niles: [pointing] He is!","Schachter: No. You have a fundamental lack of trust. Now it may be so deeply rooted by now that it's impossible to change but there are certain exercises that we try provided that you two are willing.","They half-heartedly agree. Schachter gets up and places a footstool in the center of the room.","Schachter: Let's start with the most basic trust exercise there is. Now, why don't you simply stand on this foot stool and fall backwards into your brother's waiting arms, thus demonstrating that we can trust each other. [to Niles] Dr. Crane, why don't you go first?","Niles: Well, all right.","Schachter: Just get up there, and let yourself go.","Niles stands on the footstool as Frasier stands behind him waiting.","Niles: [starts to fall and then] Is he standing directly behind me?","Schachter: Yes, now trust your brother.","Niles: [takes some time] I'd feel better if he were wearing rubber soles.","Frasier: Oh, for God's sake, Niles, just get down, I'll go first. All right?","Frasier and Niles change places.","Frasier: [starts and then] Is he in position?","Schachter: Yes! Trust him!","Frasier: [takes some time] You should know he catches like a girl!","Schachter: I don't believe this. Get down, will you? [Frasier does] This couldn't be easier! [gets up] I get up here, I count to three, and you catch me. One, two, three.","However, Frasier and Niles have been too busy glaring distrustfully at each other to pay attention to him. He falls backwards and sprawls onto the floor.","Frasier: Why didn't you catch him?!","Niles: Well, you were closer!","Frasier: It was your turn!","Niles: \"It was my turn\"...!","Schachter: [getting up] That is it! That is it! In thirty years as a couples therapist, I've never said what I'm about to say: Give up! It's hopeless! You are pathologically mistrustful of each another, competitive to the point of madness! [gets his coat] So, trust me, just meet each other at weddings and funerals, and the rest of the time, stay the hell away from each other! Now, I am going to limp to the nearest pub and drink until the rest of me is as numb as my ass!","Schachter leaves, slamming the door behind him. The brothers are dumbfounded for a moment.","Niles: Well... that's quite a diagnosis.","Frasier: [reads pad] Yes. But there is no denying it. We are vindictive and competitive....","Niles: Petty, mistrustful...","Frasier: As so often in these cases it took someone outside our situation to point it out to us.","Niles: Well, Dad always said it, but he has no credentials.","Frasier: Well, there's no arguing with Dr. Schachter's credentials. [motions to the diploma on the wall] My God, the man is an expert in his field. He graduated from the University of...","He reads the certificate, then turns with a smug smile.","Frasier: Grenada!","Niles: [shocked] Well, surely that was just his undergraduate schooling.","Frasier: Oh yes, of course, his graduate work was done in... [reads] Aruba!","Niles: An all-Caribbean schooling... well, tally me banana!","They begin doing calypso dances.","Frasier: I knew he was a fraud the minute he opened his mouth.","Niles: [laughs] Oh, I'll have him out of his lease at the end of the week.","Frasier: Niles, we still have time to catch a late lunch!","Niles: Oh, oh, oh, \"Peris\" is just around the corner.","Frasier: Away we go. Oh, \"Chez Shea\" is just as close.","Niles: Yes but the food at \"Peris\" is much better.","Frasier: Oh, Niles. [laughs] Have you lost your mind?","Frasier and Niles leave the office, still arguing about their choice of restaurant.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In Niles's practice we see Martin exit Frasier's office with the plaques, looking very smug. He leaves the reception area. Then Frasier exits with his box of bits and bobs. This all seems very light. The receptionist then watches as Daphne struggles out with a huge filing cabinet on a hand truck, of which she's been lumbered."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"03x02","Episode Title":"Shrink Rap","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_03x09.json","Recap":["It is Christmas Eve and Frasier is excited as his son Frederick is coming to stay with him for the first time since his parents' divorce. Niles believes he and Maris may be reconciled soon, but then he discovers that she has cancelled his credit cards and his mobile phone service. Frasier discovers that a postal mix-up means that the educational toys he ordered for his son have not arrived. He and Niles attempt to replace them. Guest Caller(s): Ray Liotta as Bob This is the first appearance of Frederick in the series."],"Transcript":["ACT ONE","Scene One - Cafe Nervosa. Frasier is seated at the table by the bookshelves. Niles enters.","Frasier: Ah, Niles.","Niles: Hello. Is it just me, or are the sidewalk Santas getting pushy?","Frasier: Well, tomorrow is Christmas. I suppose they might be expecting a little downturn after that.","Niles: [to waitress] Cappuccino, please. [to Frasier] So? When does Frederick arrive?","Frasier: In six hours and twenty-one minutes. Not that I'm the least bit excited.","Niles: Yes, I'm sure he's excited too. First Christmas at daddy's. I imagine he has visions of sugarplums dancing through his head.","Frasier: No, Lilith doesn't allow sweets, he's probably got visions of bran.","Niles: Well, I've got my own reasons to celebrate. Maris and I may be together again, by the new year.","Frasier: [supportively] Oh, really Niles?","Niles: Yep, yeah. I called this morning to arrange the delivery of her Christmas gift, and she said the only gift she'd accept from me was an abject apology.","Frasier: Going to cave into her, aren't you?","Niles: Au contraire. I told her I was not about to apologise, and from that point on, the respect in her voice came through loud and clear. No small feat, considering at the time she was speaking at the time through the hole in her massage table.","The waitress brings over Niles's coffee as Roz arrives.","Frasier: Oh, hi Roz.","Roz: Hey. [to waitress] Double espresso, please. This last-minute Christmas shopping is killing me. I never know what to give the men in my life.","Frasier: Since when?","Roz: Ha, ha. Funny man.","Niles: [to waitress, handing over his credit card] Excuse me, I'll take care of this.","Frasier: Oh, thank you Niles.","Roz: What's new, Niles?","Niles: I have been keeping it under wraps but, Maris and I have separated.","Roz: [feigning shock, badly] Oh, my God! I had no idea. I can't believe no-one told me. This is such a surprise!","Frasier: [can stand no more] That's enough, Talulah. You're not fooling anyone.","The waitress comes over with Niles's card and a pair of scissors.","Waitress: I'm sorry sir, your card didn't clear. I have to do this. She cuts the card in half.","Niles: Wait, wait! What are you doing?","Waitress: [hands the pieces to Niles] The computer said \"credit cancelled by order of co-signatory.\"","Frasier: Maris has cancelled your credit card.","Roz: Whoa, Merry Christmas!","Waitress: Would you care to use a different one?","Niles: There's no point, they're all in her name. [he gets his phone and dials a number] I'm calling her right now and demanding the restoration of my credit card. And my bank accounts. [realizes the phone is dead] And my phone service!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Two - KACL Frasier is taking a call. There is an office party going on outside the booth.","Bob: [v.o.] Doc, I'm at the airport, and I'm having a lot of trouble getting on the plane.","Frasier: Now Bob, statistics prove that we're safer in the air than on the ground.","Bob: That-that's not it. I'm supposed to be flying home to Newark for Christmas, but the flight the next gate over has a flight to Maui. I'm telling you, it's calling me, Doc.","Frasier: Why are you hesitant to go home?","Bob: Because it's the same thing every year. I travel three thousand miles to sit down at the dinner table with my family, and what do we talk about? What's going on in out lives? No. Our hopes and dreams? No. We talk about the turkey. \"Boy, that's quite a bird.\" \"Twenty-four pounder.\" \"What time did you have to get up to put that in the oven, Ange?\"","Frasier: \"Oh boy, that's moist. You must have been basting that bird all day.\"","Roz: \"Are those walnuts in the stuffing?\"","Frasier: \"Oh god, I forgot to put the rolls in the oven.\" I guess what I'm trying to say, Bob, is that we're all in the same gravy boat. But you see, the important thing is that we spend time with our loved ones. Just think how you'd feel if you woke up tomorrow morning six thousand miles away from your home.","Bob: Well, I tell ya, that really puts it in perspective, doc. I got a plane to catch.","Frasier: Mele Keleke Maka, Bob. We'll be right back after these messages.","Roz comes in from her booth.","Frasier: Oh, Roz. What did they say, what did they say?","Roz: Oh, relax. Frederick's flight is still on time, he'll be here in less than three hours. Oh, and the florist called, you can pick up your wreath on the way home.","Frasier: Oh, fabulous. You know, every year Dad puts that kitschy creature with the lightbulb nose on the door.","Bulldog enters, his arm in a sling. He's wearing an elf's hat with a sprig of mistletoe hanging from a spring over his head.","Bulldog: Hey, great party. Best one ever, thanks to me. I hired a stripper! Doc, you will never guess what her name is - Candy Kane.","Frasier: What are the odds?","Gil enters, slightly tipsy, also wearing an elf's hat.","Gil: For those of you who have not yet sampled the punch, here is","my capsule review: vile bouquet, unwholesome colour, ghastly taste - and a kick that is simply heaven.","Roz: [trying to get rid of Bulldog and Gil] OK, 30 seconds, Frasier. [to Gil and Bulldog] Out!","Frasier: All right people, out, out, please.","Bulldog: [indicating the mistletoe] Hey, Roz. You know what's over my head?","Roz: Almost any clever remark? [Gil bursts out laughing]","Bulldog: What's she mean by that?","He and Gil leave.","Frasier: Oh, listen Roz. I know you've got a plane to catch and the traffic to the airport is probably very bad, so in the spirit of the Christmas season, why don't you just take off early, hmm?","Roz: You're going to read one of your inspirational Christmas fables again, aren't you?","Frasier: Yes, I am. Be a lot easier without you sitting over there sticking your finger in your throat.","Roz: Right. Merry Christmas. [They kiss and hug]","Frasier: Merry Christmas, Roz.","Roz: Say \"Hi\" to Frederick.","Frasier: Yes, and say \"Hi\" to your mom for me.","Roz: Will do.","She leaves. Frasier turns on the mike and takes a script out of his briefcase.","Frasier: Hi, we're back. As most of my faithful listeners know, every year I compose a parable that I hope will illuminate the spirit of the Christmas season.","He notices the employees in the hallway have formed a conga line.","Frasier: So without any further ado, I give you \"The Story of Olaf, the lonely little goatherd.\"","He plays a tape of barnyard noises. Bulldog and Gil sneak in via Roz's booth.","Frasier: \"Once upon a time, there lived a lonely little goatherd. He had no family, and no playthings, so to amuse himself, one day he carved a little wooden flute.\"","Bulldog and Gil come into Frasier's booth. They proceed to garnish him in tinsel and lights. He ignores them.","Frasier: \"A flute that he used to play during the long, lonely evenings. And the tune it made was very lovely, and all the people in the village below could hear the pure, glorious sound...\" [hits cough button; to Bulldog] This is all very amusing, but nothing you can do is going to distract me!","Bulldog plugs in the lights, making Frasier glow. They laugh. Frasier lets go of the button. Gil leaves the booth.","Frasier: \"One day, the son of a wealthy merchant heard the music, and while that boy had all the toys in the world, he was jealous of this little goatherd's flute.\"","Bulldog tries to burn Frasier's script with a cigarette lighter.","Frasier: \"So one dark- [blows out Bulldog's lighter] -night, one dark- [blows it out again] -windy night...\"","Bulldog leaves the booth.","Frasier: \"The merchant's son stole his precious instrument, but when he took that flute home, he couldn't make it play. So he smashed the flute to bits.\"","Bulldog and Gil return with Candy, a woman unrecognizable as such under a Santa costume and thick white beard.","Frasier: \"When the little goatherd came down the mountain the next day, and saw his flute was broken...\"","Candy whips off her belt and jacket to reveal a fur-lined bra.","Frasier: YIKES! [starts ad-libbing] \"He might have said that...\"","As he hastily tries to reach the end, Candy begins to dance nearer to him, taking off her glasses and whipping off the beard with a flourish.","Frasier: \"But instead he forgave the merchant's son. And the wealthy merchant adopted the little goatherd, and...\"","Candy rips off her pants, revealing a garter belt and lacy underwear.","Frasier: OH, MAMA! - \"he said, upon meeting the merchant's wife...\"","Candy throws off her Santa hat and white wig, revealing a mane of blond hair, and starts kissing Frasier's cheeks and playing with the tinsel on his head.","Frasier: \"And somewhere along the way, he learned the true meaning of Christmas.\" This is Dr. Frasier Crane, wishing you a truly blessed and forgiving holiday.","He goes off the air. With magisterial dignity, he stands up and removes the tinsel and lights from his head. As he packs his briefcase, Gil and Bulldog look disappointed, while Candy sits sulkily on the edge of the console.","Frasier: There now, you see? Nice try. Miss Kane's delightful performance aside, this just proves the power of my message cannot be stayed.","He goes to leave the booth, but suddenly stops and drops his briefcase.","Frasier: Oh for God's sakes, what am I, a robot?","He goes back to Candy and kisses her passionately, bowing her over the console. Gil and Bulldog laugh.","Frasier: And to all a good night. [leaves]","[SCENE_BREAK]","IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN","Scene Three - Hallway Frasier emerges from the lift with his wreath to meet his father hanging Rudolph from the door.","Frasier: Hi, Dad. Ah, [taking Rudolph down] I'm going to put this wreath up here.","Martin: What's the matter with Rudolph?","Frasier: Well Dad, you know, I just think that Christmas decorations should be understated and tasteful.","Martin: Boy, I can't get one thing that I want.","Frasier: Dad, I'm sorry, but if I gave you one thing, God knows where it might lead.","They enter the apartment.","Reset to: Living Room Martin leads Frasier in. Frasier stops dead. It is full of the most garish decorations ever. Think of Hamley's toy store, at Christmas. Frasier is nearly in tears.","Frasier: Oh, God... it's my childhood Christmases all over again. Only now Mom isn't here to say, \"Shut up, you'll hurt his feelings.\"","Martin: Oh, don't be such a Grinch.","Frasier walks past a life-sized robotic Santa.","Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho!","Martin: It works when you step on the mat. [steps on it]","Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho!","Martin: It can say \"Ho, Ho, Ho\", \"Merry Christmas\", or \"Happy Holidays.\"","Frasier: Yeah, well I hope it can say \"Geronimo\" because I'm going to throw him off the balcony!","Martin: Well, I don't care what you think, it's not for you, it's for Frederick.","Frasier: God, I suppose you're right, Dad. I used to love this stuff when I was six. By the time I was seven I started to have questions. When I was eight I started spending a lot more time at the Bernsteins.","Daphne comes out of the kitchen carrying a cake tin.","Daphne: Well, I'm off to Joe's parents' house.","Frasier: I see you've been busy in the kitchen.","Daphne: Yes. I'm bringing Grammy Moon's famous plum duff. It's a still flour pudding boiled in a cloth bag.","Martin: Who gets to lick the bag?","Daphne: No. You see, Grammy Moon had a secret ingredient. She'd soak it for hours in rum, then ignite it in a blinding flash. As soon as she came out of the kitchen with no eyebrows, we knew dessert was ready. [She moves towards the door, stepping over the Santa mat] You know, to this day the smell of burning hair puts me in the holiday spirit. Bye, Merry Christmas. [she leaves]","Frasier: Merry Christmas.","Martin: You know, someone's got to go back down to the storeroom, there's still something missing.","Frasier: You must be kidding, Dad. My God, this place couldn't look any more ludicrous.","Eddie comes in. He's wearing a Santa hat and bib. The doorbell chimes. Frasier goes to answer it.","Martin: Once I saw how those white hairs on his chin looked like a beard, the rest of the idea just fell into place.","Frasier open the door for Niles.","Frasier: Niles.","Niles: Hello, Frasier...","He sees the apartment decor and gapes for a moment.","Niles: I know, I know - \"Shut up, we'll hurt his feelings.\"","Frasier: So, Niles, did you have a discussion with Maris?","Niles: No, but! - I had an epiphany. I realised, cutting off my funds is Maris's way of saying, \"I love you!\"","Frasier just stares at him.","Niles: She always uses money to get what she wants; ergo, this is proof she wants me back! What do you think? [walks past Santa]","Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho!","Frasier: I think Santa's said it all for us.","Niles has noticed Eddie's getup.","Niles: Dad, you have to get out more. You've started doing old lady things.","Martin: It's for Frederick!","Niles: [humouring him] Oh, of course it is. Oh, that reminds me, I don't want to impose, but may I ride with you to the airport to pick up Frederick?","Frasier: Of course you may, Niles. [picks up a large box] Just have to wrap up his presents first.","Martin: So what did you get Freddie?","Frasier: [opening box] Well actually dad, I ordered him the toy catalogue, from the special section called \"Gifts for the Gifted.\" I got him the junior astronomy set, and the geology lab - oh, and a fabulous thing called the \"Living Brain.\" You get to paint each lobe a different colour, then you stuff it inside the Living Skull.","Martin: Hey, you know what kids really like? They've been advertising it like crazy on TV. It's great. The Outlaw Laser Robo Geek. Its head lights up and it shoots death rays out of its eyes. [Frasier glowers at him] Yeah. A little like that.","Frasier: Listen Dad, I think I know what Frederick likes. He's precocious, he needs to be challenged.","Martin: Oh, challenge him the other 364 days. One day out of the year, indulge him. Let him be a kid.","Frasier: Dad, I'm sorry, if Frederick's anything like me, the kind of toys he'll like to play with are... [He looks in the box] A kitchen set, a dollhouse and three kinds of Barbies! [he grabs the delivery note] This is for a Franklin Crane from Kenibunkport. God, you realise what this means?!","Niles: Yes. The Cranes of Maine have got your \"Living Brain.\"","Frasier: No. It means I don't have anything for Freddie. [gets his coat] God, I wanted everything to be so perfect. Now he's going to have a horrible Christmas.","Martin: It's all right, listen, it's OK. There's a big toy store in the mall. They're open late tonight. Just don't worry about it.","Frasier: Well, that's easy for you to say, Dad.","He throws on his coat and scarf, and Niles follows him to the door.","Frasier: My God, it's Christmas Eve, the gifts I ordered are three thousand miles away, my son is due in an hour, and on top of it all I have to go to a mall!","Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho!","Niles: [as Frasier turns] Oh, don't look at me, he said it.","END OF ACT ONE","[SCENE_BREAK]","ACT TWO","A MALL AND THE NIGHT VISITORS","Scene Four - A Toy Shop in the Mall Frasier and Niles enter. They can barely move through the crowd.","Frasier: Niles, customers are marauding through here like a pack of feral dogs. Did you see that woman? She practically knocked me over on her way to the escalator.","Niles: Well, how about that woman near the cosmetics counter who tried to mace me?","Frasier: That was a cologne sample, Niles. That's what they do. Now listen, we've got five minutes. We've got to find a sales clerk.","Niles: Oh well, good luck.","Frasier: All right, we'd better find something ourselves, I guess.","They start to browse. Niles picks up a strange-looking red helmet with comedy goggles on it.","Niles: Well hey, hey. This looks amusing.","Frasier: Niles, may I remind you we're looking for something educational?","Niles puts it on; the goggles cover his eyes.","Niles: Oh, oh, oh, oh, it has buttons.","He starts playing with the controls. A red light on top of the helmet lights up and starts rotating.","Niles: What's it doing?","Frasier: It's flashing. Niles, please remember that Freddie tested in the highest percentile for cognitive skills and deductive reasoning.","Niles presses more buttons. The helmet lets out a beeping noise.","Niles: What's it doing now?","Frasier: It's beeping, for God's sake! And as much as I'd like to inflict this on Lilith, I'm looking for fast and educational, all right?","Niles presses another button, and a jet of water from the helmet soaks Frasier.","Niles: [laughing] I wonder what else it does?","Frasier: Let's see if it protects your head!","He whacks Niles round the side of his head. As Niles gets up, something else catches his eye.","Niles: Ooh, here's something. Look at this, look at this.","Frasier: Oh, God.","Niles: It's called \"Ecto Goo.\" [he picks up some green slime]","Frasier: Oh well, that sounds vaguely scientific, but what could he possibly learn from that?","Niles: [who's having trouble controlling the goo] Well, for starters, he can learn never to wear Armani to a toy store. [finally manages to drop the stuff]","Frasier: Let's see, I'll just have to remember what I ordered from the catalogue and look for that. First, the \"Living Brain.\"","Kid: [who's been standing beside Frasier] Living Brain? What kind of dork wants that?","Frasier: With any luck, the kind of dork who'll be operating on your prostate someday.","Niles: Frasier, Frasier, Frasier. [points to top shelf] Look, look, look, there it is. It's up on the shelf, it's up on the shelf.","Frasier: Oh, marvelous. [climbs up to get it]","Niles: Oh, Lord. It's covered with dust.","Frasier: The brain is dusty. Could there be a clearer metaphor? [the box is empty] Oh, Lord. There's nothing in it.","Woman: Can I have it? [takes the box]","Frasier: It's an empty box, Ma'am.","Woman: I know, but I can put my son's Robo Geek in it. You know how scared he'll be when he thinks he's getting something this nerdy?","Frasier: [to Niles] Oh God, this is hopeless. We'll never find anything for Frederick.","Niles: Oh, Frasier. Just give him a cheque.","Frasier: But Niles, you can't give a cheque to a child.","Niles: That's what I'm giving him. It has a stagecoach on it.","Frasier: Niles, Maris cancelled your account.","Niles: [realising] Damn!","A man walks in carrying a bag with the logo \"Young Minds.\"","Frasier: Oh, look. Look at that man's bag. \"Young Minds.\" [to man] Sir, excuse me, is this store [indicating bag] in the mall?","Man: Yeah.","Frasier: And it's educational toys?","Man: Mmm-hmm, nothing but. It's just a couple of doors down.","Frasier: Yes! Petunia, there is a Santa Claus.","Man: No, they closed a half hour ago.","Frasier: Damn. [going through the items in the bag] Look, this is perfect, look a chemistry lab, and a picture puzzle and... [to man] You know, my son comes in, in half an hour and I've absolutely nothing for him.","Niles: [checking watch] He'll be in, in 22 minutes if he picks up a good tailwind.","Man: You ahh, you really need this stuff bad, don't you?","Frasier: Oh, you have no idea, it would save my life.","Man: I'll tell you what. Seeing as how it's Christmas...","Frasier: Oh, God bless you, sir.","Man: A thousand bucks.","Frasier: What?! A thousand bucks?","Man: Hey, take it or leave it.","Frasier: Well, I mean, there's just no more than a hundred dollars worth of things here.","Niles: \"Ladies and gentlemen, we're beginning our descent into Seattle airport.\"","Man: I'm just trying to do you a favour here.","Frasier: Well, it's some favour.","Niles: \"Please make sure your tables and seats are in their full and upright position.\"","Frasier: Shut up, Niles! All right, all right, lets see what I've got here. [goes through pockets looking for money] All right, I've got, ahh... Here's three hundred dollars. Would you- would you accept a personal cheque for the rest?","Man: Hey, it's Christmas.","Frasier: Oh, bless you, bless you so much. Very well, thank you. Niles, give the man a cheque.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Five - Frasier's apartment. Martin is there. Frasier comes in from the bedrooms.","Martin: Where's Freddie?","Frasier: Putting on his pajamas. Told me he would come in and say goodnight after he brushes his teeth.","Martin: So how'd you do?","Frasier: [puting Frederick's presents under the tree] Well, I didn't get exactly what I'd ordered, but I think I did all right. I got him a microscope, a chemistry set, and a five thousand piece puzzle of the Great Wall of China.","Martin: Well, maybe he'll have fun with the boxes.","Niles enters carrying a large box.","Niles: Dad, here you go, this is the last box from the storeroom.","[puts box on coffee table]","Martin: Great.","Niles pulls out a truly weird item: a pair of fake legs encased in red pants and ending in black boots.","Niles: Now, was this what you were looking for?","Martin: Oh, yeah. Santa's legs for the chimney, you remember these babies?","Frasier: Oh, yes. Inspired some spectacular Christmas nightmares the year I found them under your bed.","While Martin sticks the legs into the chimney, Niles finds a small box in the bottom of the big one and opens it.","Niles: Frasier, isn't this the smoking jacket you gave Dad a few years back?","Martin: What? Hey... [feigning innocence] How did that get in there?","Frasier: [looking through box] Dad, these are all of the gifts I've given you for the last six years.","Martin: Hey, c'mon now, shut the- put 'em back. Close the box, will ya?","Frasier: Dad, look at this. My God, they're still in the original boxes, never been worn.","Martin: Sure they have.","Frasier: Oh, yeah. [showing him a tie] This one still has the tags on it.","Martin: Look, this isn't the kind of conversation we should be having on Christmas eve.","Frasier: No, Dad? Well, what was it you wanted to say?","Pause.","Martin: Well, you know Frasier, you're always giving people things you think they should like, instead of things that they really like. I mean, come on - [picks up the smoking jacket] In your entire life, have you ever seen me wear anything like that?","Frasier: Well, no. I thought you might like a change.","Martin: Well, it's like when you were a kid, remember? I wanted you to love baseball. I wanted to get you a bat, glove, everything, for Christmas. But you had your mind set on a microscope, so that's what I got you.","Niles: And then when Dad took us to a game, you spent the whole time looking for rodent hairs in your hot-dog.","Martin: I'm just saying Christmas isn't the time you try to mold somebody, which is what you're trying to do with Frederick.","Frasier: I think I know what's good for my own son.","Frederick comes in.","Frederick: I brushed my teeth, Daddy.","Frasier: Oh, that's my boy. Come on. [he picks Frederick up]","Frederick: Bonsoir, Uncle Niles.","Niles: Et toi aussi.","Martin: Hey, you'd better get to sleep, or Santa won't come.","Frederick: OK. I know just what Santa's bringing me this year, Dad.","Martin: [aside] I bet you don't.","Frederick: Yes I do too. It's an Outlaw Laser Robo Geek.","Frasier: What makes you think that?","Frederick: Because I asked Santa for it in my letter. They are sooo cool.","Frasier: Ahh, listen ahh, Frederick, there's erm... [Frederick runs towards the bedroom] Frederick, where are you going?","Frederick: I'm going to make myself fall asleep right away, so the next thing I know, it'll be morning. Goodnight, Daddy.","Frasier: I'll come in and tuck you in, in a minute.","Frederick: Goodnight, Grandpa. Goodnight, Uncle Niles.","Martin: Goodnight.","Niles: Goodnight, Frederick. I'm going to go home and go to bed too.","Frederick: I hope Aunt Maris comes out of her coma.","He goes to bed. Frasier and Martin look at Niles.","Niles: He asked where she was, I thought the truth would just upset him. I'll see you in the morning. Merry Christmas.","Martin: See you tomorrow.","Niles leaves.","Frasier: Well, this is turning out to be quite a Christmas.","Martin: Oh, it's going to be fine.","Frasier: Done it again. Gotten everyone the wrong gifts. What is it about me? [getting present from under tree] Well, here, you might as well open your gift now. No reason for everyone to be disappointed tomorrow.","Martin: Hey, I'm sure I'm gonna love it. [he opens the gift]","Frasier: I doubt it. Not exactly my night.","Martin: Hey! A robe! Great, I love it!","Frasier: No, you don't. It's not a robe, it's a dressing gown. Noel Coward would love it, but it's not you.","Martin: [putting it on] Hey, I love Noel Coward!","Frasier: Dad, you're overcompensating.","Martin: Some people are hard to buy for, I'm sorry. But, you know, you are too, I never know what to get you. Here. [puts present in front of Frasier] You might as well open this now.","Frasier: [opening present] Yeah. Guess it was easier when I was small. 'Cause kids always know what they want, don't they?","Martin: Yeah, yeah. It's rough for adults.","Frasier sees what's inside the box.","Frasier: [almost crying] Oh, Dad...","Martin: Merry Christmas, son.","Frasier: How did you know? It's jut what I always wanted: My very own Outlaw Laser Robo Geek.","They hug.","Frasier: Oh, Dad - oh, oh, listen, are the batteries included?","Martin: In the box.","Frasier: Oh, Dad! [hugs him again]","End of Act Two.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Martin tries to take Eddie for a walk, but Eddie refuses to move until the Santa get-up has been removed."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"03x09","Episode Title":"Frasier Grinch","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_03x17.json","Recap":["Frasier feels that he stands alone in upholding common courtesy, and loses his patience in a crowded Caf\u00e9 Nervosa, forcibly ejecting a man who claimed a table just before him. He is hailed as a hero, and a wave of phone calls to KACL report how people have started emulating him. However, the man he targeted threatens to sue. Niles provokes the man to ensure a counter-suit."],"Transcript":["Act One","Scene One - KACL Frasier's show is on the air, but Frasier is nowhere to be seen. A nervous Roz is filling in.","Roz: Well, it's uh... 2:07, here on the Dr. Frasier Crane Show. As I said, I'm Roz Doyle, Frasier's producer, [looks to see if Frasier is coming] filling in for the temporarily detained Dr. Crane. [picks up a copy] It's cloudy and 62 degrees outside coming up on 2:08... [looks at clock] right... there. Well, let's take a call. Hello, Lydia. What seems to be the problem?","Lydia: [v.o.] I already told you.","Roz: Yeah, that was when I was the call screener, now I'm the host. So, tell me your problem, and take your time.","Lydia: Well, it started about two weeks ago. I got this terrible obscene phone call. It's happened several times since then and now it's to the point where I'm afraid to answer my own phone.","Roz notices Frasier running by the window.","Roz: Well, obscene phone calls can be very disturbing. [Frasier bursts in] But luckily, Dr. Frasier Crane has just arrived and I'm sure he knows exactly what soothing things to say.","Roz hands the headphones to Frasier. He is out of breath from running and can only pant into the microphone, causing Lydia to scream in fear and hang up.","Roz: [into microphone] Maybe now would be a good time to take a break. We'll be right back after this. [pushes in a cart]","Frasier: What the hell was that all about?!","Roz: Oh, never mind that, where were you?","Frasier: Oh, god. Somebody'd parked in my space again. I had to park six blocks from here and sprint the whole way. By the end, my tweed pants were throwing off so many sparks I almost caught myself on fire! I tell you what - the minute we go to a news break I'm going to rush down there and put this withering note on his windshield. [writing] \"Dear discourteous driver...\"","Roz: Whoa! I think you've said enough right there! [snatches his note] Come on, Frasier. This isn't gonna do any good! You want to make an impression on him? Get tough. You go right down there and let the air out of his tires.","Frasier: Oh, I wouldn't do something like that.","Roz: Why? It's just inconveniencing him like he inconvenienced you.","Frasier: Roz, listen, the world has become uncivilized enough without me stooping to that level. Of course I was sorely tempted last night. I went to the movies to see \"How Green Was My Valley.\" Lady Luck seated me in front of two elderly women who said with the arrival of each new actor, \"My God, doesn't he look young; he's dead, you know.\" Finally I had to just walk out.","Roz: Oh, you're on in five seconds. And Brenda is on line one.","[enters her booth]","Frasier: [on air] Hello, Seattle. We're back, and I would like to start by apologizing for being tardy. Nothing quite so inconsiderate as making someone wait. Now without further ado let's get to Brenda. Hello, Brenda.","Brenda: [v.o.] Hi, Dr. Crane. I'm having a problem with my sister. She's always... [her phone clicks] Oh, wait a second. That's my other line. [clicks over]","Frasier: [annoyed] Something tells me I'm going to be siding with Brenda's sister.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR ALL","YOU DONALD CRISP FANS","Scene Two - A video rental shop Frasier enters the shop and holds the door open for an outgoing customer. She doesn't say a word.","Frasier: You're welcome! [walks up to the counter] Excuse me, I was wondering if you could direct me to...","The phone rings; the clerk ignores Frasier and answers the phone.","Clerk: Friendly Video. Yeah, I think we got that one. Hang on a second, I'll check.","Frasier: [to a customer behind him] Don't you hate that? You come all the way down here yourself to the store, wait patiently, and somebody who calls in from home gets preferential treatment.","A second clerk opens up another line.","Clerk: I can help the next person in line. The other customers rush to the next lane ahead of Frasier.","Clerk: Hey, do we have \"The Invisible Man?\"","Frasier: Right here!","Clerk: Thanks. [in phone] Yeah, we got it. [hangs up]","Frasier: Excuse me. I was looking for... [the phone rings again; the clerk reaches for the phone, but Frasier places his hand on top of it] Don't even think about it! I'm looking for \"How Green Was My Valley.\"","Clerk: Huh?","Frasier: It is a beautifully acted depiction of life in a small town in Wales. It won five Academy Awards! It's a classic!","Clerk: Oh. Well, uh, this is a shot in the dark, but you might try looking in the Classics section.","Frasier rolls his eyes and heads toward the Classics section, only to find a woman who had been behind him in line picking up the same video.","Frasier: Uh... you're taking \"How Green Was My Valley?\"","Woman: I heard it was great.","Frasier: Yes, but you heard it from me! You were standing next to me in the line! [she says nothing and takes her place in line; Frasier, frustrated, goes back to the clerk] Excuse me, is there another copy?","Clerk: Oh yeah, that would be across the street in our \"How Green Was My Valley\" annex.","Frasier stalks out of the store in annoyance.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Three - Frasier's apartment Martin is in his chair watching television. Daphne enters with a basket of laundry.","Martin: [chuckling] Hey Daphne. Come on, you're just in time. It's starting.","Daphne: I don't get this show. People send in videos of themselves having the most embarrassing and painful accidents. They add cartoon noises and music and everyone laughs themselves silly.","Martin: [laughing at the TV show] Boy, I bet that hurt!","Daphne shakes her head and exits to her bedroom as Frasier storms in.","Martin: Well, what's wrong with you?","Frasier: Frankly, I have had it with the whole boorish, ill-mannered world. Look, Dad, would you mind terribly if I used the TV tonight? I went to three video stores to get this tape. I'm just dying to see it.","Martin: Sure, go ahead. How many times can you watch a dog get hit with a swinging door?","Frasier: [staring at Eddie] Depends upon the dog.","Eddie jumps down from the couch and follows Martin into the kitchen. Frasier walks over to put the tape in just as loud, piercing rock music begins playing from upstairs.","Frasier: What the hell is that?! The windows are rattling, the walls are shaking, and I am talking to no one!!","Daphne: [entering] Well, I see our neighbor's at it again.","Frasier: [grabs the phone] Not for long!","Martin: [entering] I'm gonna take a nap.","Frasier: Dad, you can't possibly expect to sleep in this racket.","Martin: Are you kidding? I've slept through worse than this. In Korea I dropped off in a foxhole right outside P'Anmunjom. By the time I woke up the cease-fire was over and I was the only one who didn't know about it. Talk about having egg on your face. [exits]","Frasier: [in phone] Yes. Yes, would you please connect me with the young man who's just moved into the penthouse upstairs. No, I don't know his name! He's in the penthouse! He has shaggy hair, tattoos all over him, his body is pierced. Oh, and I don't know if I mentioned this but he's in the penthouse!","The music stops suddenly. Frasier and Daphne look up at the ceiling.","Frasier: [into phone] Never mind. [hangs up; to Daphne] Has the world completely lost the concept of common courtesy? Am I the only one who is resisting this tide?! [walks out onto the balcony and bellows:] People of Seattle, listen to me! We are not barbarians! We are not Neanderthals and we are not French! Do you hear that, you up there?! [walks back in and gets a glass of sherry]","Daphne: That's his own music he's listening to, you know. His name is Freddie Chainsaw.","Frasier: Chainsaw? Of the Newport Chainsaws? How does an arrested adolescent who barely knows two chords get a penthouse?","Daphne: His last album sold five million copies.","Frasier: Oh. Well, then, I'll just add that to my list of reasons to die.","Daphne: You know, personally, I like it. But then, we Brits have always been on the cutting edge. You should have heard the punk rockers who rented the flat below me a few years back. They'd play the same song over and over again: [singing] Flesh is burning... nana nana nana. Flesh is burning... nana nana nana. [sighs] Oh no. I'm gonna have that tune in me head all day now.","Frasier: Yes, well, thank you for that, Daphne. But I've been waiting all day to watch my movie.","He pushes play on the remote control. The movie begins, but is suddenly undercut by Mr. Chainsaw's loud music again. Frasier angrily jumps to his feet.","Frasier: Doesn't he ever stop for s*x and drugs?! [he grabs for the phone again and dials the operator] Hello. Yes. Please, I insist on being connected with the young man in the penthouse. [the music stops as Mr. Chainsaw answers his phone] Yes, hello, Mr. Chainsaw? Yes, how do you do? I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. I am your neighbor; I live right below you. Yes, do you have any idea how loud your music is? Oh. You do? Well... thank you. [he hangs up the phone, pleasantly surprised] Well, that wasn't so bad. The young man seemed quite amiable in his way.","The peace is short-lived however, as the music starts up again. Frasier has had enough.","Frasier: I'm going out!","Daphne: What?","Frasier: I'm going out!","Daphne: What?","Frasier: [just as the music stops] I AM GOING OUT!","Martin: [o.s.] Hey, Frasier, will you keep it down out there. I'm trying to take a nap!","[SCENE_BREAK]","THE ETIQUETTE LESSON","Scene Four - Caf\u00e9 Nervosa The caf\u00e9 is crowded and no tables are available. Frasier and Niles are standing at the counter.","Frasier: Smell me, Niles.","Niles: [sniffs] Grandpa!","Frasier: Exactly! On my way down in the elevator today a woman thinks nothing of lighting up a cigarette. Has the world gone mad?","Niles: I know exactly how you feel. This morning I discovered a ding in the door of my car.","Frasier: Let me guess - no note on the windshield?","Niles: No. And even worse, after I'd left the car off at the body shop, the rental agency didn't have a single luxury car left. They stuck me with some vehicle I believe they call a Hunchback.","Frasier: No. I think that would be a Hatchback, Niles.","Niles: It's painted panic-button red, with a large rear window that pops open.","Frasier: Oh, that would be the Hatchback.","Niles: Well, there's a novel idea: name the car after its most hideous feature. I presume it was a toss-up between \"Hatchback\" and \"What's that odor coming from the floor?\"","Frasier: [points] Oh, look, Niles - free table! Go, go, go, go!","Niles: Oh, the biscotti!","Frasier: Leave it!","Niles: Oh, no - go on without me!","Frasier reaches the table just as a couple sits down at it. He spots another empty one in the back.","Frasier: Oh, there!","Niles: Oh!","They maneuver their way through a crowd of customers just in time to see that that table has already been taken as well.","Niles: Oh, check on table one!","Frasier: All right, fine.","They reach the table, but the couple hasn't left yet. Frasier and Niles stand awkwardly above them, waiting for them to leave.","Frasier: Oh, we're not hovering, believe me. It's just that there... well, there's really no place else to stand. Oh, just take your time, please. There's no rush.","Waiter: Is the owner of a red Hatchback here? It's about to be towed.","Frasier: Niles, isn't that your car?","Niles: [whispering] Shh! Someone will hear you!","Frasier: Niles, it's about to be towed!","Niles: I'm not owning up to that car. I don't care if it's careening toward a baby carriage!","The couple leaves the table.","Frasier: Oh. Oh, thank you so much. Take care, have a lovely day.","As Frasier says this, a man sneaks in behind him and sits down at the table.","Frasier: Excuse me, but we were waiting for this table.","Man: So get another one.","Frasier: [irritated] Well, there aren't any. Look, you knew that we were waiting for it. We politely stood back and let those people leave and then you just jumped right in here!","Man: Well, you won't make that mistake again.","Frasier's eyes bug out.","Niles: Frasier, Frasier... forget it. We'll just... we'll wait for another table.","Frasier: No, we won't! This isn't about the table anymore! This is about the erosion of common decency. [places his coffee on the table] Sir, when you treat me this way you encourage me to be discourteous to another. And so on and so on. [the man doesn't acknowledge him] You don't have any manners, do you? [the man continues sipping his coffee] Then perhaps what you need is an etiquette lesson!!","Frasier lifts the man up from his chair and roughly shoves him out the door. He returns to find all eyes upon him in shock.","Frasier: SIT DOWN, NILES! [they sit]","Niles: [to a waiter] My brother will have a decaf.","Niles moves Frasier's coffee away from reach. End of Act One Act Two","Scene One - Frasier's apartment The next morning. Daphne enters with a basket of laundry, singing to herself.","Daphne: Flesh is burning, nana nana nana...","Martin: [entering from the kitchen and singing to himself] Nana nana nana... flesh is burning... nana nana nana... [sees Frasier enter] Oh, hi, Fras. How you feeling?","Frasier: [sits at table] Fine.","Martin: I didn't ask you yesterday how your day went.","Frasier: What did Niles tell you?","Martin: Nothing! Geez, can't I ask you how your day went? How was work? [grins] How's your bad-ass self? [laughs]","Frasier: Dammit! Niles blabbed!","Martin: No, he didn't. You made the people of Seattle column. [presents a paper] Right here, under \"The Crane Mutiny.\"","[laughs]","Frasier: [reads] \"Three cheers for Dr. Frasier Crane, who struck a blow against rudeness yesterday in a coffeehouse melee.\" [throws paper down] Perfect! Now all of Seattle knows about my loutish behavior!","Martin: What are you talking about? This guy had it coming. [doorbell rings] I can just picture it. He probably looked at you and he thought, \"This guy's a creampuff, you know. A wuss... a wimp... a cupcake...\"","Frasier: [as he reaches the door] Dad!","Martin: I'm sorry, I'm just so proud of you!","Frasier opens the door to Niles.","Niles: Ah, there he is, the man who floats like a lepidoptera and stings like a hymenoptera.","Martin: Niles, I think you're just jealous.","Niles: Jealous? Don't be ridiculous!","Martin: This is my favorite part. [reading] \"With one swift move the good doctor hoisted the miscreant out on his ear, declaring, 'What you need is an etiquette lesson.'\" [laughs] I love that! You got your own tough-guy catchphrase!","Niles: It's perfect for you, Frasier. Dirty Harry meets Emily Post.","Martin: Come on. Show me how you grabbed him. Use Niles.","Frasier: No, no Dad. I will not toss Niles about the room.","Niles: Oh no, go ahead. Rough me up, Mr. Big Hero Bully Bouncer! [pause] Did that sound jealous?","Frasier: A tad.","Niles: Well, all right, I'm jealous. Why shouldn't I be? All my life I've backed out of fights and watching you leap into the fray like that, I... it made me think just once I'd like to experience what you felt - go nose to nose. [sits at table]","Martin: Oh, your day will come, son.","Niles: I don't know. I tried it this morning with my dry cleaner, Mr. Kim. I decided to give him a good tongue-lashing because he'd shattered the mother-of-pearl buttons on my best waistcoat. Unfortunately, due to his tenuous grasp of English and the fact that his mother's name is Pearl I was forced to flee his establishment amid a shower of coat hangers.","Daphne: [entering from her room; to Niles] Good morning, Dr. Crane. [to Frasier] And to you, Dr. Crane, our very own knight in shining armor...","Niles: Oh, great.","Daphne: I want you to know that your assertiveness inspired me. For weeks now, some louse has been removing my wet clothes from the washer and leaving them on the table in a soggy mess. This morning, I decided to get my revenge. So I took off my new red panties and I popped them in with his whites.","Niles: Bravo, Daphne. Good for you. God, I wish I'd been there.","[sighs]","Frasier: Daphne, don't you think you were overreacting just a bit?","Daphne: Absolutely not. Those were my panties and I wasn't afraid to use them. [Niles bites down on his fist]","Martin: Fras, why do you keep backing away from this? I mean, you should be proud of yourself. We all think you did the right thing. The newspaper does too.","Daphne: That's right. And I'm going to fix you a proper hero's breakfast. [starts for kitchen]","Frasier: No. No, no... Daphne. Please, really. It's not necessary. Thank you all. It's just that this isn't sitting well with me. I find it hard to believe any good can come of violence.","The loud rock music starts up again. Frasier angrily throws down his napkin and grabs the phone.","Frasier: That's it again! [in phone] Mr. Chainsaw. This is Dr. Frasier Crane...","The music stops abruptly. Frasier and the others look up at the ceiling with amazement. Frasier hangs up the phone with an air of bravado.","Frasier: Go ahead, Daphne. Make my eggs.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Two - KACL Frasier walks down the hall on the way to work. He encounters several coworkers who give him a thumbs up or a voice of approval. A few back away in mock fear. He chuckles and waves them off.","Frasier: [as he enters his booth] You know, I do wish people would stop making such a fuss.","Roz: They will, if you quit walking up and down the hall. You're on in five seconds. [enters her booth]","Frasier: Oh yes, all right. [puts on headphones and pushes on air button] Hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. Who's on the line, Roz?","Roz: We have Mitch on line three. He's having trouble with his neighbors.","Frasier: Hello, Mitch.","Mitch: [v.o.] Make that had trouble. This idiot next door had his leaf-blower going at 7:00am, again.","Frasier: Oh, that's very inconsiderate.","Mitch: I'll say. That's why I decided to give him an \"etiquette lesson.\" I grabbed that leaf-blower and smashed it against a tree.","Frasier: [gasps] Mitch, I must say I'm stunned. I can't imagine a more extreme response to such a minor infraction.","DISSOLVE TO: another caller. Frasier's jacket is off and he is slumped over the desk.","Chris: [v.o.] ...so I snuck into his backyard and shoved a whole pound of rotten shrimp into his air conditioner! Come on summer!","DISSOLVE: another caller goes on... Frasier's sleeves are now rolled up. He listens, horrified.","Chuck: [v.o] ...hey, he asked for it. So I put 100 scorpions in a FedEx package.","Frasier: Look, I'm sorry, but no matter how provoked you may have been, there is no earthly justification for... [dissolve]","SETTING SOMEONE'S LAWN ON FIRE!!","Rochelle: [v.o.] But she doesn't curb her dogs!","Frasier: Oh... [buries his face in his hand]","Rochelle: You don't take any guff. Why should I?","Frasier: Rochelle... all of you... look, don't you realize that your behavior is just a bit extreme?! I displayed a minor bit of force in order to just make a point. I didn't go around smashing windows or torching lawns! Where does it end?","Rochelle: Are you saying that what I did was wrong?","Frasier: Of course I am!","Rochelle: But what you did was okay?","Frasier: No, no! I... come to think of it, what I did was just as wrong. I mean, who am I to draw the line at the acceptable level of force? Because the next person moves a little farther, and the next person, a little farther still until we finally end up with scorpions flying through the mail like Christmas bundt cakes! What we must all agree to do is to resolve our differences with discussion and reason. As a matter of fact, I'm going to call the gentleman that I manhandled and... and apologize to him for not having worked out our dispute in the right way in the first place- through words. The key here is restraint. And I do hope you'll follow my lead... Becky with the nail gun.","[SCENE_BREAK]","NO ACTORS WERE HURT DURING","THE FILMING OF THIS SCENE","Scene Three - Caf\u00e9 Nervosa. Frasier and Niles enter the caf\u00e9. The customers applaud as they see Frasier.","Frasier: Oh... people. People, please. There's no need for that. I'm no hero.","A woman walks by and gives him a thumbs up. He chuckles and returns the gesture.","Niles: No one's ever given me the thumbs up.","Frasier: Well, Niles, I've driven on the freeway with you. The rest of the hand has been well-represented. [They sit just as the man Frasier shoved walks in the door.] Oh, look, there he is. Mr. Harvey, I'm so glad you could come. [stands] You remember my brother, Niles, and uh... we're at \"our\" table.","Harvey: Look, I'm here, so say what's on your mind.","Frasier: Well, there's no need for any hostility. I just came to talk.","Harvey: Talk? You're not gonna take another shot at me?","Frasier: No! [shouts of contention from the crowd of customers] No, they'll be nothing like that here today! Now, listen, I could try to explain my behavior by saying that these are stressful times we live in, that I had reached the end of my tether. But I won't do that, because you see, I was 100% wrong. I had absolutely no right to touch you and I accept full responsibility.","Harvey: Well, I'm glad to hear you say that. [to crowd] And I hope you all heard that too.","Frasier: So, then you accept my apology?","Harvey: No, I'm suing you. And I've got a lot of witnesses that just heard you admit you were wrong. [hands him papers]","Frasier: But, but... these are stressful times we live in and I'd reached the end of my tether!","Harvey: Tough! I'm nailing you for assault!","Frasier: But I hardly touched you!","Niles: Oh, Frasier, I'm not surprised he's hiding behind lawyers. What other behavior would you expect... from a chicken?","Harvey: What did you say?","Niles: I was speaking to my brother. [stands] But, to put it in language you can understand... [clucking] bawk bawk bawk bawk!","Frasier: Niles! This is no time for you to assert yourself!","Harvey: [to Frasier] Hey, your brother's making trouble here...","Niles: Oh, oh, oh... what are you gonna do? Flap me with one of your big fluffy wings?","Frasier: Niles, stop it! Please excuse him!","Niles: Oh, for god's sake, Frasier don't waste your breath on this hairy, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing troglodyte who's probably the only male in existence who suffers from pen1s envy! [excitedly hops up and down on his heels]","Harvey: You look here, buddy...","Words cannot do this justice - you have to see it. Mr. Harvey lightly pokes Niles on the shoulder. Niles acts as if he were punched. He begins reeling backward - laying waste to chairs and the coat hanger - finally landing atop a table and sending it and he crashing to the floor. The entire caf\u00e9 gapes at the scene as Frasier rushes to his aid.","Frasier: Niles!! Niles... are you all right?!","Niles: [pulling Frasier close to him and whispering] Counter suit!","Frasier: [jumping up] Oh, my god!! Nobody move him!","Harvey: I barely touched him!","Frasier: Then you admit you touched him! [to crowd] He admits it! [Niles groans] Oh, Niles. Niles, I'm here for you. I promise we're going to get you the best care that THIS MAN'S MONEY CAN BUY! [out of earshot] My god, Niles, that was brilliant. You even got a tear in your eye!","Niles: I landed on a fork.","End of Act Two","[SCENE_BREAK]","Daphne is in the elevator with a basket of laundry. The doors open and two men get on and stand behind Daphne. They both have tennis rackets and outfits, but while one man's outfit is white, the other man's is a light pink. Daphne tries to suppress a laugh as she looks back at the man in pink. The men soon get off on their floor. When the doors close, Daphne whips out her red panties from her basket and flings them high in the air. She then \"blows\" them out--as if they were a smoking gun. She finally puts them back in her basket with a satisfied grin."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"03x17","Episode Title":"High Crane Drifter","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_04x01.json","Recap":["Daphne receives a phone call from Clive, an old fianc\u00e9 whom she ditched due to his lack of ambition and drive. She invites him to the apartment, where she introduces Niles as her husband, to Niles' delight. Clive ends up staying for dinner. Martin joins in the deception and deliberately complicates it, claiming to be a retired astronaut . When Roz arrives unexpectedly, Martin introduces her as Frasier's wife. Clive is now a successful businessman, and Daphne regrets trying to put him off. She and Roz both compete for his attention. Clive is appalled, and leaves, saying he is shocked they are related to Martin, who he calls that \"sweet courageous old astronaut\"."],"Transcript":["ACT ONE","Scene One - Apartment It's breakfast time in the Crane household. Frasier sits reading the newspaper as Niles precariously sits, picking bits out of his muffin with tweezers and placing them neatly on his plate. After a while, it begins to irritate Frasier.","Frasier: Niles, what are you doing?","Niles: This fruit-nut muffin contains a number of things I don't care for. Currants, a husk of something... [flicks something off] Away, wrinkly thing.","Frasier: You know, if you and Maris ever reconcile, I'm gonna miss these tranquil mornings - I reading my newspaper, you tweezing your muffin!","Daphne and Martin enter through the front door, with good news.","Martin: Hey, boys. I got a letter from one of my old army pals, Bud Farrell. The whole platoon's getting together next weekend on Rattlesnake Ridge.","Frasier: Oh, good for you. Speaking of old chums, Daphne, a Clive called for you a little earlier.","Daphne: [worried] Clive?","Frasier: Mmm-hmm.","Daphne: Did he sound British?","Frasier: No, he was one of those fiery Mexican Clives! He said he'd call back.","Daphne: I bet he will!","Martin: Oh, boy! [sitting down:] I can't wait to see the old gang!","Niles: Oh Dad, you're not thinking of driving all the way to Rattlesnake Ridge? It's five hours away, you know how your hip stiffens up.","Martin: No problem, they said I can bring a guest! So, who's the lucky one?","Frasier: Well, by my count, two of us get to be lucky!","Martin: Come on, they're great guys - Stinky, Wolfman, Boom-Boom, Jim. Of course his name's not really Jim, we call him that because he likes to drink Jim Beam. Just like we call Hank \"Bud,\" because he drinks Budweiser. Come on, you'd love these guys!","Niles: We're sherry drinkers, Dad. Think about it! Anyway, I have a conference that weekend.","Daphne: And I have my friend Megan's birthday party.","Martin: Fras?","The phone rings.","Frasier: Oh, please let that be Megan needing a clown for her party!","Daphne: [answering phone:] Hello? Oh, Clive! Yes, it has been a long time, hasn't it? Oh, I am sorry, I have dinner plans tonight. Well, maybe just a drink then. Say, 6:30? Me too. Bye. [phone down:] Oh, hell!","Niles: So who is this Clive?","Frasier: An ex-boyfriend?","Daphne: Worse! Ex-fianc\u00e9.","Niles: You were engaged?","Daphne: For years! We were mad for each other. He was very sweet and had the most gorgeous eyes you ever saw!","Niles: But-?","Daphne: Oh yes, that too! I just couldn't see a future with him. I mean, the man was a total layabout. No ambition, no drive! He couldn't hold a job. All he wanted to do was tinker about with his car. His fingers were always black from the motor oil.","Niles: What a brutish habit! If God intended for me to work on my Mercedes, he wouldn't have given me Horst.","He leaves to the kitchen.","Daphne: I had to break it off! But I had to bring him down easily, so I said if we were still free in five years, we could try again! And here he is, right on schedule! [Niles re-enters:] Well, what do I say to him?","Frasier: Well, be honest, tell him what you feel.","Daphne: And break the poor thing's heart all over again!","Frasier: No, it's the best way to avoid unnecessary anguish. Case in","point: Dad, I do not have plans for next weekend, but I don't intend to spend it with Budweiser and Boilermaker and their liver-damaged friend, Seltzer!","Martin: Well, that's fine. There'll be other reunions.","Frasier: [to Daphne:] See? No evasions, no inconvenient conferences, just simple honesty!","Martin: But I don't suppose Jim'll make it next time. Says here he just had his third bypass. But I'll see him this June.","Frasier: [getting up] Off to work!","Martin: Unless I go first!","Frasier: All right, I'll drive you to your stupid reunion!","Martin: Thanks, son.","Frasier goes to his room.","Martin: I guess I'll leave it a couple of days before telling him about Stinky needing a ride.","[SCENE_BREAK]","NEXT IN THE REPERTORY,","\"COSI FAN TUSHY\"","Scene Two - KACL Frasier is doing his slot. He is in the middle of his conclusion for the day.","Frasier: And in closing, this goes out to Keith, the narcoleptic I spoke to a bit earlier. I'd be glad to resume when you feel a bit more alert, but in the meantime I suggest you reconsider applying for that air traffic control position. This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL, 780 AM.","Gil Chesterton enters Frasier's booth.","Gil: Brilliant show, Frasier. Chock full of pithy insight.","Frasier: What do you want?","Gil: A favour. Bonnie Weems, the Auto Lady, just asked me to another one of her wretched dinner parties. Well, I was planning on saying that you and I have ballet tickets, so do back me up.","Frasier: Well, I'm sorry, I can't!","Gil: But you've got to. Have you any idea how vile her food is? The local raccoons have posted warning signs on her trash bin!","Frasier: Well, you see, she already invited me, and I told her I promised my father I'd drive him to his army reunion at Rattlesnake Ridge.","Gil: Oh, very clever. Well, I'd use it myself, but I killed my father off to escape her Labour Day clambake.","He leaves, whilst Roz enters from her booth.","Frasier: Er, Roz, listen, I'm going to the opera tonight. You didn't happen to remember to bring my...","Roz: Oh, your opera glasses! I'm so sorry, they completely slipped my mind.","Frasier: I wouldn't really mind, if you hadn't borrowed them to ogle that bodybuilder that moved in across the street.","Roz: Hey, just once or twice. It's not like I copied his name off his mailbox, so I could look up his number and call him while he was in the shower, so I could watch him cross the room naked to answer the phone in front of the picture window. That would be wrong.","Frasier: Look, I want them back. I refuse to squint through Pagliacci while you're trying to watch The Magic Flute!","He leaves.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Three - Apartment Later, Frasier is playing the piano in his apartment.","Daphne: [o.s.] Dr. Crane, I need your opinion on this outfit. I wanted something that said \"no romantic signals whatsoever.\"","Daphne enters wearing a long woolly cardigan, which covers up everything.","Frasier: Well, short of a cactus corsage, I think you've captured it. You know, Daphne, it's been five years. It's an awfully long time to carry a torch. Maybe he just wants to say hello.","Daphne: Oh, I certainly hope so. The thought of having to reject the poor thing again is more than I can bear.","The doorbell rings.","Daphne: Oh dear, it's him. Anything between my teeth?","Frasier: No.","Daphne: Is there any spinach in the fridge?","Frasier: Just answer the door!","Daphne opens the door to a grinning Niles, ready to intervene.","Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, I was afraid you were Clive!","Niles: [acting:] Oh, Clive? Clive? [he \"realises\":] Oh, Clive. Is that tonight? Oh, well don't I feel silly bringing over this 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle.","Frasier: I'm sure Daphne doesn't want us horning in on her reunion. We're going to dinner!","Niles: Well, can't we order in? I've already assembled one kitten and two yarn balls!","Frasier: [takes the jigsaw away] I'm getting my jacket!","The doorbell goes again. Daphne answers it, while Niles watches.","Frasier: Niles, for God's sake, will you give them some privacy?","He exits to the hall, while Niles exits to the kitchen. Daphne opens the door to Clive - a handsome, athletic, boyishly naive Cockney.","Clive: Hello.","Daphne: Hello.","Clive: Look at you, you look wonderful.","Daphne: Oh! Go on.","Clive: I mean it. Very pretty and warm. So...","Daphne: So...","They hug, but Clive makes a hotch potch.","Clive: Oh my God! I've got a spot of axle grease on your sweater.","Daphne: Oh, it's all right, really. It's just a ratty old thing. Please, come in. [he does] Same old Clive, I see.","Clive: I suppose so.","Daphne: So, what brings you to Seattle?","Clive: [turns around] My undying love for you. Oh, damn! I meant to lead up to that, sorry.","Daphne: No, it's all right. Just a bit...","Clive: Abrupt. No \"how are you, nice place you have here\" - by the way, it is lovely. Is that the, uh, Space Needle? [goes to the window]","Daphne: Clive...","Clive: Super. Anyway, I remember what you told me five years ago. I thought my feelings might change, five years is a long time. But...","Daphne: Clive...","Clive: Let me finish! My feelings for you haven't changed. I think about you every day, every night, and there comes a time in a man's life when he's got to sum up the courage to look at a woman straight in the eye and say...","Niles: [entering with a bowl:] Cheese Nips? I'm sorry, is this a bad moment?","Clive: Well, actually...","Daphne: No, no, not at all. This is my very dear old friend, Clive Roddy. Clive, I'd like you to meet Dr. Niles Crane... my husband.","Niles drops the bowl with a clatter.","Clive: Your husband?!","Daphne: [putting her arm through Niles's] Yes, six months next week.","Clive: Well, don't I feel a bit... [to Niles] Congratulations, you're a very lucky man.","Niles gives a giddy little laugh.","END OF ACT ONE (Time: 9:24)","ACT TWO","A SWELL OF COUPLES","Scene Four - Apartment The situation resumes.","Clive: Six months? Well, you two are practically newlyweds.","Daphne: Yes, we're still at that honeymoon stage. It's sickening, really. [kisses Niles]","Niles: Revolting! [kisses her back] Positively stomach turning!","[He tries to kiss again but she pulls away]","Clive: I should be going.","Niles: No! I mean, we are so enjoying having you here.","Daphne: I did promise you a drink.","Clive: Oh. Well, I suppose I could stay for a bit.","Daphne: Oh! [to Niles:] Darling, would you give me a hand in the kitchen, please?","Niles: Certainly, my angel.","Niles follows her in, where she starts to pour drinks.","Daphne: Dr. Crane, I'm so sorry. It seemed the kindest way to let him down. I didn't mean to put you in an awkward position. [opens fridge and bends over to get something from the bottom shelf]","Niles: When it comes to you, no position is... [turns round, coming face to face with her backside] too awkward.","Frasier enters the living room, meeting Clive.","Frasier: Oh hello, you must be Clive.","Clive: Yeah, and you are?","Frasier: Dr. Frasier Crane. [shakes hands]","Clive: Oh, Niles's brother.","Frasier: Yes. You met Niles?","Clive: Just now. Though I used to know his wife quite well.","Frasier: Really, you know his wife?","Clive: She's one of a kind, that one.","Frasier: Isn't she? [laughs with him]","Clive: Certainly can light up a room.","Frasier: Oh yes, usually by leaving it!","He laughs, but Clive looks confused and offended at this. Niles and Daphne enter the living room, shocked by the disaster that's unraveling.","Niles: Frasier!","Daphne: Clive! I see you've met my husband's brother.","Clive: Yes. I'm not intruding on some family occasion, am I?","Daphne: [now in Niles's arms again] Oh, no! Frasier lives here. I mean, temporarily. He's...","Niles: Had a spat with his wife... Maris.","Clive: Sorry to hear that.","Frasier: Yes, me too. You know, Daphne, I'm parched, could you show me again where we keep the wine?","Daphne: Of course. Could you spare me a minute? [begins to leave]","Niles: Oh, oh, oh, oh! [stops her] Wait, you have to pay the love toll. [she kisses him] Too much, here's the change. [kisses her back]","Daphne drags Frasier to the kitchen.","Niles: [to Clive, giddy] Can you stay for dinner? Meanwhile, Frasier is arguing with Daphne in the kitchen.","Frasier: I told you to be honest! But would you listen? No! Now instead you subject us to this ridiculous charade.","Daphne: Play along, please. I swear, one drink and he's out the door.","Niles: [entering:] He's staying for dinner.","Frasier: What?!","Daphne: Well, how did that happen?","Niles: He just sort of invited himself. Pretty damn cheeky if you ask me. [Frasier gives him a look of disbelief]","Daphne: Oh, dear God!","Niles: Obviously he still has hopes of winning you back. We must keep these signs of affection as realistic as possible.","Frasier: [interrupting:] Psst!","Niles leaves.","Daphne: Oh, what will I serve? Do we still have that lasagna?","Frasier: Daphne, you don't expect me to endure an entire evening of this nonsense!","Daphne: [searching the fridge] Just do this for me. And anything you want, name it. Anything, it's yours.","Frasier: Anything?","Daphne: [realizing, turns around] Except Rattlesnake Ridge!","Frasier: [shrugs and calls] Oh, Clive!","Clive: [o.s.] Yes?","Daphne: [whispering] All right, I'll take him!","Frasier: Lasagna all right for dinner?","Clive: Super.","Daphne: I'm warning you, one thing goes wrong and the whole deal's off.","Frasier: Nothing can go wrong. We just have to stick to our stories and avoid any complications.","Martin: [o.s.] Oh, I see we've got company!","Frasier and Daphne look at each other, horrified. They rush out to greet him.","Niles: Dad!","Frasier: Dad!","Daphne: Dad!","Martin, emerging from his room, looks confused.","Daphne: Clive, I'd like you to meet my new husband's father.","Frasier: [takes him coat:] Or, as we sometimes say in this country, Father-in-law.","Clive: I'm Clive Roddy. [shakes him hand.]","Martin: Yeah, Marty Crane. Somebody tell me...","Niles: [interrupting:] Oh Daphne, we've been so remiss. We haven't given Clive the tour.","Daphne: Oh yes, quite right! This is the living room.","Niles: No, I think he'll be more interested in the master bathroom. [covering up:] The shower being so large and Manchester being so rainy.","Daphne: Right this way. [she leads him off to the bathroom.]","Niles: Oh, you forgot to pay the toll.","Frasier: Niles!","Niles: Never mind.","Daphne drags Clive offstage.","Frasier: [to Martin] Now go away!","Martin: What the hell for? What's going on here?","Frasier: Clive is Daphne's old boyfriend; she's trying to let him down easily, by pretending to be married to Niles.","Niles: So this is my place. Frasier is staying here temporarily, because he's separated from Maris.","Martin: [to Frasier] You couldn't stand her either, huh?","Martin & Frasier laugh, while Niles looks miffed.","Niles: That's very amusing.","Martin: Do I still live here?","Frasier: Yes, of course you do, but I think for this evening it would be best if you just excused yourself. You see, it involves quick thinking and improvisational skills, and a knack for remembering details.","Martin: Oh, I never used any of those skills as an undercover cop.","Niles: Please don't be offended-","Martin: [sits down] No, I'm not offended, my two sons have just said I've got oatmeal for brains.","Daphne and Clive enter with yet more complications.","Clive: So, Daphne tells me that you two are both psychiatrists.","Frasier: Yes.","Clive: Fascinating. Are you a psychiatrist as well, Marty?","Martin: Me? No, I'm retired.","Clive: What did you do?","Martin: [looking evily at the Crane boys] I was an astronaut.","This causes Niles and Daphne to nearly faint onto the couch. Frasier turns round in sudden disbelief.","Clive: Really! And you actually flew space missions?","Martin: Yeah, a couple. Me and Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin - you know, it was me that gave him his nickname \"Buzz,\" You know, most people think it's 'cause he flew fast. Not true! He was scared of bees.","The doorbell rings. This has to be the most hilarious part of the know who it's going to be.","Frasier: Wh-Who is it?","Roz: [o.s.] Open up, Frasier, it's me.","Martin: What do you know, it's Maris!","Niles and Daphne turn on Martin with faces of mixed fury and panic. He just smiles at them. Frasier slowly opens the door.","Roz: [with opera glasses in hand:] Here are your stupid opera glasses. Are we friends again?","Frasier: Darling!","He throws his arms around Roz and and kisses her cheek. She looks bewildered.","Frasier: [whispering in her ear] You're Maris!","Roz: What?","Frasier: [whispering in her other ear] We're married!","Roz: What?","Frasier: Just play along!","Clive: Well, their little tiff's over.","Frasier: Maris Crane, this is Mr. Clive Roddy.","Clive: It's a pleasure!","Roz: [overcome by Clive; saucily:] It certainly is. So, how long will you be in Seattle?","Frasier: Uh, Cupcake? [taking her away] Well, if you'll excuse me, we could do with a moment alone. Come with me, darling.","Roz and Frasier go out onto the balcony.","Niles: So, now you've met the whole Crane clan!","Clive: Although, Daphne, I noticed in the phone book your surname still is Moon.","Niles: That must be an old book. Now she hyphenates; it's Moon- Crane.","Martin: I remember the first time I ever drove a moon crane. I nearly rolled it into the Sea of Tranquillity.","Niles and Daphne sit down on the couch next to Clive. Niles places his hand on her knee.","Niles: So Clive, what do you do?","Daphne: Still mucking about with cars, I see. [points to some axle grease on his hand]","Clive: Oh, my hands? No, I helped a man change his tires on the way over here. Don't have enough time as I used to, what with my business and all.","Daphne gives a horrified look, Niles is more horrified.","Daphne: Your business?","Clive: Well, after you left I remembered the advice you gave me, and it all made sense.","Daphne: What advice?","Clive: Well, you know, \"get a job you lazy git,\" that sort of thing. So I took a few business courses and opened up a little sporting goods shop. Next thing you know I had three of them.","Daphne: [to Niles:] Well, isn't this ironic! [removes Niles's hand] All these years I've nagged him to make something of himself. [forcefully, \"Stop the Act!!!\"] And now look at him, a captain of industry, and still as handsome as ever.","Niles: Yes, well, send in the clowns!","Roz and Frasier enter from the balcony.","Niles: Don't bother, they're here.","Frasier: Well, bad news, it seems my Maris has to run off, she's got a previous engagement.","Martin: Oh, forget about your engagement, Maris. Stay for dinner!","Frasier: Well, actually...","Roz: [broad smile:] I'd love to.","Clive: Lovely, we can celebrate you two being reconciled.","Roz: That is still tentative, it could go either way.","Daphne looks appalled at Roz, as if to say \"leave off!\" Eddie runs in and jumps onto a chair.","Clive: Hello there, what's his name?","Daphne, Niles, Frasier, Roz and Martin look at each other blankly for a moment.","All: EDDIE!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Five - Apartment We resume after dinner. Martin is telling one of his wonderful space stories from his bank of fairy tales.","Martin: So there I was, floating 20 feet up in the chamber, when some idiot turns off the weightless button and down I come on this big pickaxe we used for moon rocks!","Frasier, Niles and Daphne all despair at how thick he's laying it on, but Clive is completely taken in.","Clive: And you still walk with a cane.","Martin: Que Sera Sera. I better turn in, boys.","Frasier: Don't forget your warm glass of Tang.","Clive: It was an honour meeting you, Commander.","Martin: Yeah, I had fun too. Goodnight, all!","All: Goodnight.","Martin leaves.","Clive: Delicious meal, Daphne. [Frasier and Niles go to the kitchen] Can't remember the last time I ate so much.","Roz: Well, that explains your fantastic physique.","Daphne: Yes, you are looking wonderfully firm. [feels his six-pack] Yes, and that little tummy.","Roz: Do you work out?","Clive: When I can. Actually, my shops keep me pretty busy.","Niles: [enters taking plates:] Daphne and I have our own little excercise regimen. We work up quite a sweat, don't we, darling? [leaves]","Daphne: I can't get over it, it's like you're a whole different person. [aimed in Niles's direction:] A WHOLE DIFFERENT","PERSON!!","Frasier: [peering out of kitchen with coffee jug:] Well, who's for coffee?","Daphne: I'll give you a hand.","Daphne enters the kitchen in her fleet of madness. Frasier turns round ready for a tough journey.","Daphne: Would you please tell Roz to stop flirting! Has she forgotten she is a married woman?","Frasier: Oh, you're one to talk. If you batted your eyelashes any harder, you'd blow out the candles!","Daphne: You get rid of her now, or it's Rattlesnake Ridge for you.","Frasier: You wouldn't!","Daphne: Oh, wouldn't I? And by the way, Stinky needs a ride. [Frasier gasps]","Daphne and Frasier go back into the dining area. Roz is reading Clive's palm, until Frasier intervenes.","Roz: And according to your love lines, what a naughty little...","Frasier: Maris, I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted!","Roz: See you at home. More wine, please.","Daphne: Oh, are you sure that's wise, dear? Remember that blackout you had last month? [laughs] What am I saying? Of course you don't.","Niles: That's what I love about her, her sense of humour. Cookie, darling?","Daphne: No thank you, [to Roz's face:] some of us do look after our weight!","Roz: Now, now, Daphne. You have to keep your strength up. You are eating for two.","Niles drops the cookie plate, while Daphne looks furious.","Clive: You're having a baby?! When you were planning on springing that news?","Daphne: We don't like to bring that up. It's a sore point around here, what with my sister-in-law being barren and all.","Niles: Now, now, it's not her fault. You see, my brother is impotent.","Frasier just doesn't care anymore.","Clive: ...Congratulations. Is there a loo I could, er...","Niles: Yes, yes, right there by the front door. We call it \"Frasier's Bathroom,\" that is why we've monogrammed all the towels with his initials.","Clive enters the powder room.","Frasier: Have you all taken leave of your senses?","Daphne: Well, she started it, hanging all over him.","Roz: What is your problem? Frasier says the only reason we're doing this is because you wanted to give him the brush-off.","Daphne: Well, I changed my mind! Didn't you see my signals?","Roz: Gee, I missed them, it must have been in the middle of one of my BLACKOUTS!","Niles: Wait, wait, wait, there's no need to fight, I'll flip a coin. [does, quickly] Oh, good news, Roz!","Roz: Hooray!","Daphne: [to Niles] Oh, sod off!","Unnoticed by anyone, Clive exits the powder room and hears the following:","Daphne: You'd think with all your dozens and dozens of men, you could at least leave one for me.","Roz: Dozens? [to Frasier:] Did you tell her that?","Frasier: Well, forgive me for keeping track!","Niles: Why are you fighting over that man anyway? He's got all the charm of a cricket bat!","Roz: You're right. You know what, Daphne? You can have him. You can have him, he's yours!","Daphne: Oh, fat chance I've got, now that you've told him I'm pregnant! How am I supposed to get rid of this bloody baby?!","She sees Clive and they all turn round in panic.","Frasier: Hi, coffee?","Clive: No, thank you. I really should be going.","Daphne: No, no, please, I know what you must think, but we're not what we seem.","Clive: You certainly aren't. Look, I know I'm a guest here, so I've kept silent so far. But I'm sorry, I must speak: you're the most appalling family I've ever met. [to Frasier:] You breaking up with your wife over a pair of opera glasses. [to Niles:] And you looking down your nose at me the entire time you were showing off your \"posh flat.\" Well, to be honest, mate, I don't think there's anything remotely special about your bathrooms. [Frasier is offended; to the girls:] And you two women, flirting shamelessly with me right in front of your husbands. [to Roz:] You having just reconciled with Frasier, [to Daphne:] and you carrying Niles's baby. Well, I pity your child, Daphne. And I pity any good Manchester girl that comes here to this vile coffee- swilling Sodom and lets it change her like it's changed you.","Daphne: But I haven't changed! Really, we're not the awful people you think we are.","Frasier: No, the truth is we've been lying to you all night!","Daphne: Yes!","Clive: Well, I don't care to be lied to anymore. Goodbye, Daphne, Maris, Dr. Crane, Dr. Crane. I'll never understand how two men like you could be spawned from that sweet, courageous old astronaut.","He leaves.","END OF ACT TWO (Time: 21:11)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frasier, Daphne & Niles are sitting on the couch, all wiped out after the evening's charade. Daphne, very depressed, offers Frasier a biscuit, which he eats. She eats a biscuit and offers one to Niles. He takes his tweezers and puts the unwanted bits into his sherry glass."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"04x01","Episode Title":"The Two Mrs. Cranes","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_04x05.json","Recap":["Frasier is about to spend a week in Aspen at a psychiatrists' convention, and he asks Niles to stand in for him at KACL. The first show goes badly. While making way for Bulldog in the studio, Niles meets a basketball player called Reggie, who is having trouble maintaining his focus during the game. Niles gives him two minutes' worth of advice in the corridor, and later that day Martin sees Reggie win a game for the Sonics on television. Niles is hailed as a hero in Seattle, and given VIP tickets to the next game, but he soon discovers that it was not his psychiatric expertise that Reggie believes helped him; it was his hair."],"Transcript":["Act One","Scene 1 \u0096 Caf\u03b9 Nervosa. Frasier and Niles are standing at the bar waiting for their coffees.","Frasier: So I decided it was time I got to know some of my colleagues in the media.","Niles: But a convention? You've never shown any interest before.","Frasier: They've never held one in Aspen before!","Niles: Just think: hundreds of radio psychiatrists all in the same location. One well-timed avalanche and the dignity of the entire psychiatric profession would be restored.","Frasier: [laughing] Oh, good one. I can always count on you for some witty retort.","Niles: Mmm... I insult you and you compliment me. Could the request for a favour be far behind?","Frasier: Damn, you are perceptive.","Niles: Oh, stop it.","Frasier: Oh, all right. Listen, Niles \u0096 I'd like you to do my show for me for the week I'm gone.","Niles: Me standing in for you? I'm sorry, Frasier. I couldn't presume to fill those big floppy red shoes of yours.","Frasier: Please. Please, Niles. Look, I'm begging you. The station wants to replace me with Helen Grogan, better known as Ma' Nature. She does a gardening show and I'm just a little worried that a week of discussing well-rotted manure will weaken my listener base.","Niles: It hasn't yet!","Frasier: Very well. You leave me no alternative but to call in my marker.","Niles: [worriedly] What marker?","Frasier: Oh, I think you know.","Niles: You wouldn't.","Frasier: I would.","Niles: You can't!","Frasier: I will.","Niles: That was three years ago.","Frasier: I don't recall there being any statute of limitations. I distinctly recall that when you asked me to go out with Maris's sister, you said that you would owe me one forever.","Niles: But you only spent one evening with Brie. That hardly compares with what you're asking me to endure.","Frasier: Oh? Shall I refresh your memory? Midway through the opera her ermine muff began to tremble. As it turned out she had used it to smuggle in her adorably incontinent Chihuahua. Just as I thought we'd reached the low point of the evening I suddenly felt a sandpaper tongue licking my earlobe. Alas it did not belong to little Herv\u03b9! Fortunately my shriek coincided with the on-stage murder of Gondolfo! Roz will expect you on Monday at two.","Niles: For your information Brie had a very tough road-a-ho growing up. It's not easy going through life with one nostril.","Frasier: Did I mention she had a cold that night?","Niles: Monday at two it is.","[N.B. This episode was originally written with Frasier as the center of the action, but Kelsey Grammer had a medical emergency, and they re-wrote Niles into the part.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND","Scene 2 \u0096 KACL. Niles is sitting in the booth listening to a caller drone on with an extremely bored look on his face. Roz is just sitting back smiling.","Linda: [v.o.] And now we're at the point where all communication has broken down. He won't even listen to me.","Niles: [bored] Linda-","Linda: Do you know how annoying that is \u0096 not to be listened to?","Niles: [bored] Linda-","Linda: It's driving me crazy. I was hoping maybe you would speak to him directly.","Niles: Excuse me one moment. [presses the cough button] Thank you for the brilliant job of call screening, Roz. How do I get out of this?","Roz: Did you ever think of saying you've other callers on the line?","Niles: [back on air] Linda, I'd love to go into this in more depth but unfortunately we're nearly out of time and Roz has lots of other callers waiting anxiously on the line.","Roz: Actually, Dr. Crane, all lines are open!","Linda: So you can talk to him? Good. I'm putting him on the line right now. Go ahead!","Niles: All right. Murray \u0096 you're dealing with your problem in a very self-destructive manner. It won't be solved by refusing to eat. Do you hear me?","There is a moment's silence on the other end then a cat meows. Niles rolls his eyes at the stupidity of it all.","Linda: Oh my God, it's working. He's eating! Dr. Crane, what did you say to him?","Niles: Well I'd like to tell you but that would violate Doctor-Cat confidentiality! [Roz signals that the show is about to finish] Oh, well Seattle, I'm afraid we're out of time. This is Dr. Niles Crane. One down, four to go. See you tomorrow! [talking through the intercom to Roz] That little bit of sabotage was not amusing.","Roz: Then why did coffee come out my nose?","Bulldog comes into the booth with his usual trolley of tricks and sound effects.","Bulldog: Hey, Dr. Doolittle. I heard your show. It didn't suck!","Niles: Ah. \"Dear diary...\"","Bulldog: So how's it feel?","Niles: Like I'm walking away from my lamppost and counting the bills in my garter belt!","Bulldog: OK. [blows his whistle] Both of you get out of here. I gotta set up for my show. I got Reggie McLemore on my show today. Don't ask me why.","Niles: I wasn't even going to ask who.","Roz: He's a guard for the Sonics.","Bulldog: He used to be unstoppable - 20 points a game easy. Now he's in the \"tank.\" Just what I need on my show \u0096 a loser.","Reggie walks past the booth's window.","Bulldog: Oh look \u0096 there he is now. What an overpaid, worthless piece of... [Reggie comes through the door] HEY, REGGIE MY MAN!","Reggie: You never call me unless you need tickets, man. What's up with that?","Bulldog and Reggie go through some sort of ritual, grabbing each other's heads and knocking them against each other's whilst shouting. Needless to say, Niles looks on bemused.","Bulldog: I love this guy. [introducing Reggie to Roz] Reggie McLemore, Roz Doyle.","Roz: Hi, I'm a big fan of yours.","Reggie: Thanks.","Bulldog: [noticing Niles] I'd introduce you to this guy but he doesn't know squat about sports.","Niles: On the contrary \u0096 in prep school I was an ardent sportsman. Until an inflamed instep forced me to resign from the croquet club.","Bulldog, Roz and Reggie just stare at him.","Niles: I'll see myself out.","Reggie: Wait a minute. You're the shrink. I heard you in my car on the way over.","Niles: Dr. Niles Crane. It's a pleasure.","Reggie: Hey Doc, wait. You sounded like you really knew what you were talking about. There's this little problem I've been having and I was wondering if maybe you could help me out?","Niles: What is it?","Reggie: See, for the last two weeks, every time I get my hands on the pill I choke.","Niles: Well, have you tried mashing it with a spoon?","Reggie: [deadpan stare] You don't watch much basketball, do you? It's my game, man. Because of me we've lost six in a row.","Niles: Oh. Well, I'm not very well-versed in sports psychology, but I could certainly schedule a session.","Reggie: No, no. I need something fast. We got Phoenix tonight.","Niles: This is highly irregular, but since you're pressed there are some exercises I can suggest.","Reggie: Oh, great. Thanks, man. Just name it \u0096 tickets to any game you want.","Niles: There's nothing wrong with your sense of humour. Have a seat.","They sit down just outside the booth.","Niles: We'll start with a positive visualisation. I want you to close your eyes. Take a deep breath. [Reggie does this] Good. I want you to imagine yourself on the playing surface doing whatever it is you actually do. Tell me what you see.","Reggie: OK. Kemp's passing me the ball. I'm bringing it up court. I'm dribbling.","Niles: [patting him supportively] Don't worry about your appearance. [Reggie looks strangely at him] Start again. I'll just be quiet.","Back in the booth Roz is observing the goings-on. Bulldog is busy setting up for his show","Roz: Can I ask you a favour?","Bulldog: Yeah, forget it. He's married!","Roz: Hey! That's pretty offensive. Why did you assume that's what I wanted?","Bulldog: OK, then. What did you want?","Roz: Well, I don't know. I just wondered if...","Bulldog: [blowing a horn in her face] Time's up. Oh, by the way, if you're so hungry for some good-looking athletic guy, why won't you go out with me?","Roz: [holding her hand up above Bulldog's head] If you're not at least this tall you can't go on this ride.","Back outside the booth Niles is still \"mentally coaching\" Reggie.","Niles: This next exercise is designed to block negative feelings. I've tried it myself. Simply take a moment. Think of","something comforting from childhood: a stuffed animal, a dog- eared copy of Middlemarch. [again Reggie looks baffled at Niles] You may have other memories!","Bulldog comes out the booth.","Bulldog: Come on, Reggie. Ticket!","Reggie: I gotta run. Thanks a lot, Doc \u0096 I'll give it a try.","Reggie holds out his hand to slap Niles. Niles fumbles about trying to do some form of high-five.","Niles: Oh, wait. I saw this. It has steps!","Reggie: [simply going for the option of ruffling Niles's hair] Later, man.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 3 \u0096 Frasier's Apartment Daphne and Martin are sitting in the living room. Martin is watching the basketball game on the television.","Daphne: You know, according to this article...","Martin: No, quiet! [Daphne looks angry while Martin remonstrates with the television] That's 3 seconds. Come on. He's camping out in the middle. No, don't double the ball \u0096 they'll just sling it around for a three. There it is \u0096 just like I said! [despairingly] Ohhhh! Oh, time out \u0096 sure, now you listen to me. [to Daphne] Can you believe this? Two minutes ago we were up six points, now...","Daphne: Quiet \u0096 this is my favourite commercial! No, don't pick that floor cleaner. It'll give your floors waxy build-up! No, don't do it. DON'T DO IT! D'ohhh!!","Martin: It's completely different.","The doorbell rings and Daphne goes to answer.","Daphne: That'll be Dr. Crane. It'll be a pleasure to be around one man who's not obsessed with sports.","Daphne opens the door to Niles.","Niles: Hello, Daphne. [notices the television on] Ooh, the Sonics are on! Excuse me.","Niles rushes to the couch to watch the game.","Niles: So, Dad...","Martin: Hold it, Niles \u0096 there's only nine seconds to go.","Niles: What's the score?","Martin: What do you care? [goes back to shouting at the television] Get it to McLemore. To McLemore \u0096 he's got the hot hand. Yes. Come on, Reggie... UNBELIEVABLE! SONICS WIN! [claps his hands in delight]","Niles: Oh, this is fantastic, Dad. Do you know...?","Martin: Shush, Niles. I want to see the replay. Get it to McLemore. UNBELIEVABLE! [claps his hands in delight]","Niles: You know, Dad, you might be interested to know...","Martin: Quiet, Niles \u0096 I want to see the interview.","The sportscaster is interviewing Reggie on the television.","Sportscaster: Reggie \u0096 got a minute? Great game tonight. Seems like your slump is over.","Reggie: Yeah, I was really feeling it out there tonight.","Sportscaster: What turned it around for you?","Reggie: Well, I was having a little problem getting my head together, but this radio shrink really helped me out. Dr. Niles Crane... [gestures thumbs-up to the camera.]","Sportscaster: Well, good luck against Utah.","Reggie: Thanks a lot.","Sportscaster: Let's head it back upstairs.","By this point Martin is looking incredulously at Niles who just sits there smug with himself.","Martin: You?","Niles: [laughing] Is that so hard to believe?","Martin: Yeah!","Daphne: When did you talk to him?","Niles: He was on Bulldog's show today. We had a brief session in the hallway \u0096 not more than two minutes.","Martin: You turned Reggie's game around in only two minutes?","Niles: You could be a little less surprised. I am a skilled psychiatrist. During sixteen years in the field I have developed certain instincts.","Martin: I gotta say \u0096 I'm impressed.","Daphne: Yes. I'm starting to think I should spend an hour or two on the couch with you.","Martin: Are you kidding? With Niles, it'd only take two minutes!","Daphne smiles and goes through to the kitchen. Niles drinks his sherry looking at Martin who is grinning.","Niles: Thanks, Dad!","[SCENE_BREAK]","HOOPLA","Scene 4 - KACL. Niles is walking through the corridor to the booth.","Worker 1: Hey Doc \u0096 great job! Go Sonics!","Worker 2: You the man!","Niles: Thank you. Er... same to you.","From inside another booth someone gives Niles a thumbs up. Niles returns the compliment before noticing his thumb.","Niles: Heavens. I need a clip and a buff.","Niles goes into the studio to find Roz in the booth with the day's newspaper.","Roz: There he is \u0096 the toast of Seattle. I suppose you knew you'd made the sports section of the paper this morning?","Niles: Yes, I'd heard. I must admit I find this all a bit mystifying. Do people really care this much about a basketball game?","Roz: Are you kidding? This is Seattle. It rains nine months out of the year. We take our indoor sports very seriously.","Niles: Well, I know you always have!","Roz: [forcing a smile] You're a hero today so I'm going to let that one go.","The door bursts open and Bulldog barges his way into the studio.","Bulldog: Pucker up, baby \u0096 I'm planting a big wet one on ya! [grabs Niles\u0092 head and kisses him on the forehead.]","Niles: [shocked] Well, there's a layer of skin I'll be exfoliating this evening.","Bulldog: [overjoyed] I had 200 bucks on the Sonics!","Niles: Isn't gambling illegal?","Bulldog: [to Roz] Isn't he the cutest?","Roz: Oh, yeah.","Bulldog goes to kiss Niles again but Niles pulls back.","Bulldog: OK. I hope you don't feel this way about chicks 'cause I got one of the Sonics' cheerleaders coming on my show today and she really wants to see you.","Roz: Believe it or not, Bulldog, not every man's dream woman is a pom-pom-shaking half-time half-wit.","Niles: Is she the head cheerleader?","Bulldog: Yeah. And she's coming in costume.","Roz: Of course she is \u0096 it's radio! [pushes Bulldog out the booth before turning to Niles with a stack of papers] Look at these faxes that came for you.","Niles: Faxes? [reads them] \"Seattle thanks you.\" \"You're the Sonics MVP.\" [turns to Roz inquisitively]","Roz: Most Valuable Player.","Niles: Oh! \"You're a genius.\" With the less common J spelling but still, his point is well taken.","Roz: I bet you're feeling pretty good about yourself?","Niles: Suddenly I'm being revered as a god by the same troglodytes who, in junior high school, tried to pack me into my own briefcase. It's glorious.","Roz: Oh, I almost forgot the best part. [goes into her pocket] Reggie sent these tickets for tonight's game over.","Niles: Oh. Well, I suppose I can't disappoint my new fans. Tell me, does one still wear a white sweater jauntily tied around the neck to these things?","Roz: If one wants to get the crap beaten out of one!","Roz goes into her booth. Meanwhile Martin comes through the studio door.","Martin: Hey.","Niles: Dad. What a surprise.","Martin: I'm not interrupting you or anything, am I?","Niles: No, no. Come on in. Is everything alright?","Martin: Oh sure, sure. I was just having lunch at McGinty's and some of the guys would really like to meet you and I was hoping that maybe after your show you'd stop in there for a drink. I mean, I wouldn't ask you but some of these guys are my best buddies.","Niles: Well actually Dad, Reggie just sent over these tickets to tonight's game. I was going to ask you to go, but since...","Martin: [grabbing the tickets out Niles's hands] To hell with those guys, I'm there!","Niles: I have to tell you I'm finding all this attention a bit overwhelming.","Martin: Oh come on \u0096 you deserve it. You're a hero.","Niles: Perhaps it's time we put all this in perspective. The only real heroes are the fine athletes who worked so hard for two hours to win that game. My contribution was minimal at best.","Bulldog opens the door to reveal the head cheerleader \u0096 blonde, buxom and wearing very tight clothing.","Bulldog: What did I tell ya, Doc?","Cheerleader: Which one of you won the game for us last night?","Niles: [pushing Martin out of the way] That would be me!","The cheerleader goes over to \"congratulate\" Niles who looks happily shocked.","End of Act 1 Act 2","AY, THERE'S THE RUB","Scene 1 \u0096 The Sonics game that night. Martin, Niles and Daphne are walking along the baseline to their front row seats. Martin is just saying goodbye to a fellow spectator.","Martin: Nice seeing you too.","Niles: Dad, it really isn't necessary to tell everyone we bump into that [loudly] I'm the one Reggie credited with last night's victory!","Spectator: That was you?","Martin: Yeah, yeah. That's my son Niles Crane.","Niles: [sitting down on the baseline seats, unaware of their importance] They must have sold too many tickets. They've stuck us in these folding chairs.","Martin: Wow. Right on the hardwood, five feet from the baseline.","Niles chuckles along with Martin before turning to Daphne with a baffled look.","Daphne: It's like front row orchestra, stage right.","Niles: Ooh.","Martin: Man, we're so close we're gonna get our teeth rattled when they center-pick.","Again Niles smiles before turning to Daphne for an explanation.","Daphne: It's like sitting close enough to get hit by Placido Domingo's spit.","Reggie runs over to meet Niles.","Reggie: Hey, N.C. \u0096 you made it.","Niles: I beg your pardon? Oh, \"N.C.\" I thought you said Nancy. For a second it was prep school all over again. [introducing] Let me introduce - Reggie McLemore, Daphne Moon, and this...","Martin: Marty Crane, Niles's Dad. I'm a big fan. I want you to know I never lost faith in you. Not when you were in your slump. Not when you tanked it in the playoffs. Not even when all my friends were calling you \"Reggie HacLemore\" [laughs]","Reggie: What?","Niles: This might be a good time to try that negative thought- blocking exercise.","Reggie: Yeah, OK. You guys enjoy the game. I'll see you afterwards.","Niles puts out his hand to \"slap some skin\" with Reggie but he just walks off. The buzzer goes and Niles just about has a coronary.","Niles: What the hell was that?!","Martin: That's the end of the shooter round. The coach is about to send the starting five in for the tip-off.","Once more Niles turns to Daphne.","Daphne: The stage manager just called places.","Niles: Ooh.","The scene SWITCHES to later on in the game. Daphne and Martin are nowhere to be seen so Niles is sitting by himself. He is surrounded by spectators out of their chairs booing and shouting at the court.","Niles: I gather Reggie's not performing up to par this evening?","Spectator: You got that from all the booing, huh? Nice counselling, Doc \u0096 he's been throwing up bricks all night!","Niles: Judging from that empty tureen of nachos and cheese you may be joining him.","The spectator has had enough and leaves. Reggie runs off the court to speak to Niles.","Reggie: Doc, Doc, you gotta help me out here. I don't know what's wrong.","Niles: Perhaps you've forgotten some of my advice. Let's review quickly. Did you empty your mind of negative thoughts?","Reggie: Yeah.","Niles: What about the imaging exercises?","Reggie: Yeah, yeah, I did all that. What else did you tell me to do?","Niles: Nothing. Bulldog called you, you ran back in.","Reggie: No, no, wait. Right before that I rubbed your head. I remember 'cause my hand smelled like peach and I thought, \"What the hell does this guy wash his hair with?\"","Niles: Well, you can't possibly think that my head is some sort of lucky charm?","Reggie: [ruffling Niles's hair] We'll know in a minute.","Reggie runs back on court smelling his hand. Daphne and Martin return and sit down next to Niles.","Martin: Hey, I saw you talking to Reggie again. I hope you gave him some more advice.","Niles: I tried to but he has this absurd idea that...","Martin: No, no, wait.","Everyone cheers wildly.","Announcer: McLemore shoots three.","Martin: Unbelievable. What did you say to him?","Niles: I didn't say anything that he could possibly...","Daphne: Look, look. He's stolen the ball.","The crowd cheer again.","Announcer: McLemore. Three more.","Daphne: [patting Niles on the knee] Oh, Dr. Crane, you're a miracle worker. What did you say to him?","Niles: Oh, just something off the top of my head!","[SCENE_BREAK]","The scene FADES OUT with the crowd applauding again as Reggie obviously scores another.","Scene 2 \u0096 Frasier's apartment. Martin is sitting in his chair. Daphne is walking back from the front door having collected the post.","Daphne: Ooh, isn't this nice? Dr. Crane sent us a postcard from Aspen.","Martin: [uninterested] Great. How's he doing?","Daphne: Let's see. [reading the postcard] \"I delivered a speech at the conference last night. I was especially pleased with my","opening line: 'My fellow psychiatrists, as I watched you on the slopes today I realised I had never seen so many Freudians slip!'\"","Daphne looks up in disgust at the pun. Martin just simply stares deadpan straight ahead.","Daphne: [still reading] \"As hard as you're laughing now, imagine the thunder of an auditorium of colleagues. Well, see you Saturday, Frasier.\" Well, I'd better get going. I'm meeting Joe at the movies. [checks her watch] Oh, bloody hell \u0096 it's later than I thought.","Martin: Enjoy.","Daphne: [rushing out] Yeah. Enjoy your game.","Daphne rushes into the elevator past Niles who's coming out.","Daphne: Dr. Crane. Have fun at the game.","Niles: I'm afraid we won't be going.","Daphne: Ah. That's too bad.","Niles: Want to know why?","Daphne: Not really.","The elevator door closes on Daphne. Niles pokes his head round the door of Frasier's apartment and finds Martin on the phone to Duke.","Martin: [into phone] VIP parking. Uh-huh. That's courtside, pal. Right on the hardwood, I swear to God. And Reggie said the seats are ours for the rest of the season. I believe it's what they call \"living large\"... I don't know, somewhere on TV. Yeah, OK. I gotta go. Bye! [to Niles] Let's go, Niles.","Niles: [uneasily] You know, Dad, I was thinking. Maybe we shouldn't go to the game today.","Martin: [laughing] You know what I was thinking? Maybe we shouldn't go to any of them. [laughs again] You know, that's one of the best things about this whole thing. When was the last time you and I joked like this? Well, we'd better get going, 'cause it's late.","Niles: Last night at the game, did you happen to notice when Reggie tousled my hair?","Martin: Yeah, yeah. Let's go.","Niles: Somehow, someway, he's convinced himself that that's what he needs to do in order to play well.","Martin: Oh. Well, can we talk about it in the car?","Niles: It has nothing to do with any advice I've given. It's all some sort of bizarre superstition and Reggie wants to rub my head again before today's game.","Martin: Well, you know, a lot of athletes have weird superstitions.","Niles: Yes, but I'm a psychiatrist. I can't let people think I'm treating the man when all I am is a rabbit's foot! I'd be taking credit for something I don't deserve.","Martin: OK. What would you be taking credit for? Helping him. What are you doing? Helping him. I'm getting my coat.","Niles: But I wouldn't be helping him as a psychiatrist.","Martin: Oh, that's what's bugging you? People thinking you're a good psychiatrist?","Niles: Exactly!","Martin: Are you a good psychiatrist?","Niles: Yes!","Martin: I'm getting my coat.","Niles: Dad, Dad, I'm sorry. We're not going.","Martin: Aw, man, I knew you'd find some way to ruin this! [throws his jacket to the floor]","Niles: Dad-","Martin: Courtside season tickets; VIP parking.","Niles: Dad-","Martin: No. Hell, you've got to have your reasons. [mocking Niles] \"It's my ethics. It's my integrity. It's my allergies.\" Well, that's it. [grabs his newspaper] I'm never getting my hopes up again.","Niles: Dad, you can still watch the game on TV.","Martin: [looking away from Niles] I don't want to watch it on TV!","Niles: I'll get you a beer.","Martin: [looking away from Niles] I don't like beer!","Niles: Dad, you know I'm right.","Martin: Will you look me in the eye and answer me one question: would you still be doing this if these were courtside seats at the opera?","Niles: Yes. My ethics are ethics. And by the way \u0096 where do you think I got those ethics?","Martin: Oh, yeah. Throw it back at me. That's real mature!","Scene 3 \u0096 The game. A security guard is standing outside the locker room. Niles walks up to him.","Niles: I'd like to talk to Mr. McLemore.","Guard: Who wants to see him?","Niles: Tell him N.C. is here.","Guard: Nancy?","Niles: No. [spelling it out] N-C. [the guard disappears into the locker room] What is so hard about that?","Reggie comes out looking worried. The security guard is behind him and stands on the other side of the room.","Reggie: Damn man, where have you been? I've got to be on court in five minutes. [goes to rub Niles' head]","Niles: [putting his hand up] Stop! Before you rub your hands all over me, we need to talk. [guard glances over worryingly]","Reggie: What's up?","Niles: I'll come right to the point. This entire affair has grown out of control. I need to end it.","Reggie: What are you saying? You're not coming down here any more?","Niles: Well, no. We can still see each other to talk, but no touching. [Again the guard looks over] That part of our relationship is over. [notices the guard staring] Does this concern you?","Guard: It's starting to! [he heads through to the locker room]","Reggie: Come on, dude. [reaches his hand out]","Niles: No. Now listen. Do you really expect me to drop what I'm doing and race down here every day just so you can run your fingers over my head?","Reggie: Yeah.","Niles: Listen to me closely. You are a gifted athlete with tremendous skill. Marshal your talents. Concentrate. Focus. The key to your success is to trust your own God-given abilities. It has nothing to do with my head!","Reggie: [thinking] It must be your hair.","Niles: [losing his patience] Will you stop it? You're obsessing!","Reggie: Come on, man \u0096 just let me touch it?","At this point the guard comes out the locker room, hears that last line and immediately turns round and walks away. Niles looks exasperated.","Niles: No! You have to look at this logically. I can't come down here for every game and I certainly can't go with you when the team is on tour. This is not a long-term solution. What you need is legitimate therapy. You want to start? Come inside \u0096 I'll give you a quick session. We can proceed from there.","Reggie: Yeah, you're right, Doc. What I need is a long-term solution.","Niles: Good.","Niles heads off into the locker room. Reggie turns to one of his team-mates who has just came outside.","Reggie: Yo Frank, let me see those scissors. [takes scissors out of his bag] Coming, Doc. [follows Niles into the locker room]","End of Act 2","[SCENE_BREAK]","Daphne and Martin are playing cards at the table. Niles is sitting reading the newspaper. Martin leans over and ruffles Niles's hair, much to Niles's displeasure. Next thing Martin wins his hand and after clapping in delight he turns back to Niles to ruffle his hair again."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"04x05","Episode Title":"Head Game","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_04x07.json","Recap":["Lilith has arranged a meeting for Thanksgiving morning with the headmaster of the Marbury Academy, a very exclusive school, with the aim of getting Frederick in. As a result, the family goes to Boston. Lilith leaves Niles in charge of preparing the Thanksgiving meal, and Martin in charge of entertaining Frederick, while she and Frasier go to meet Dr. Campbell, who they infuriate with their desperate attempts to ingratiate themselves."],"Transcript":["Act 1","Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Martin is sitting in his chair, Niles is on the phone, Daphne is ironing.","Niles: Hello? Yes, Buck? It's Dr. Crane. I'm calling to see if the cabin is ready for us. You've got the case of Montrachet? Good, good. And the Thanksgiving feast will be delivered promptly at three? Good. And the woodpile's been thoroughly inspected for spiders? Excellent! Thank you. [He hangs up.] Well, we're ready to rough it in the great Northwest!","[He goes to get a sherry.]","Daphne: If you don't mind me asking, are you taking along anything to keep your nephew amused?","Niles: Yes, his grandfather. Oh, by the way, what time are Lilith and Frederick flying in tomorrow?","Martin: Her broom touches down at eleven.","Roz and Frasier come from the hallway.","Frasier: All right, now, when you mist the plants, make sure that the water is not too cold. I know I'm harping on and on about this, but I know you're not used to dealing with delicate flowers.","Roz: I've produced your show for three years, haven't I?","Frasier: I'll leave you our number at Niles's cabin, in case anything goes wrong. Oh, yes, and by the way, I frown on overnight guests.","Roz: Then you're not doing it right.","Daphne: I'll leave you my number in San Francisco, too.","Roz: You're not going to the cabin with them?","Frasier: No, no, Daphne's decided to spend a traditional Thanksgiving with her transvestite Uncle Jackie.","Daphne: Come on, Roz, I'll show you around the kitchen.","Roz: So, this uncle of yours, does he dress like a woman all the time?","Daphne: Oh, certainly not for work. His congregation would never stand for it.","They go into the kitchen. Niles lets out a sigh that is half groan.","Martin: What's wrong?","Niles: Oh, just a little depressed. It's my first Thanksgiving without Maris.","Martin: Oh, yeah, I know, son. It's hard.","Niles: Do you remember the year I plopped that big wedge of pumpkin pie in front of her, and we all laughed? [They all share a chuckle.] Then I put a big scoop of whipped cream on top of it and we laughed some more! [Another chuckle.] Then her eyes welled up with tears and we all knew it was time to stop.","Frasier: Yeah.","The phone rings. Frasier answers.","Frasier: Hello? Yes, Lilith. Yes, Lilith. Yes, Lilith.","Martin: Gee, it's like they're still married.","CUT TO: the kitchen. Daphne has grabbed a bottle from the liquor shelf. Roz has the glasses.","Daphne: If you change the paper towels, he likes the flap facing the front. If you change the bathroom tissue, the flap faces the back, don't ask me why.","Roz: I don't know how you live with him.","Daphne: Huh, I don't know how you work with him.","Roz: Well, I have learned a trick: when he's really bugging me, I ask if he hasn't lost a little weight. Before you know it, he's checking his butt out in the glass of the candy machine.","Daphne: [laughing] Really? I tell him he's gained weight. He skips dinner, sulks in his room, and I have the whole evening to myself.","They laugh and clink glasses.","CUT TO: the living room.","Frasier: OK, you tell Frederick I said \"Bravo!\" [He hangs up.] Frederick just passed the qualifying exam for the Marbury Academy!","Niles: Huzzah!","Martin: What is that? Some school?","Frasier and Niles begin laughing.","Frasier: \"Some-school?\" Oh, Dad, please. The Marbury Academy is the most exclusive private school in all of Boston.","Niles: It's a breeding ground of power and privilege.","Frasier: Lilith and I have to be interviewed by the headmaster. He's got such a busy schedule, he's agreed to see us on Thanksgiving morning. Now this, of course, changes our plans.","Martin: Wait, you mean I don't get to see my grandson?","Frasier: Of course you do. We'll move our whole Thanksiving celebration to Boston. I'll call the airline.","Niles: [Pulling out his cell phone] Yes, I better cancel our rustic Thanksgiving. [into phone] Hello, Buck? It's Dr. Crane. Take the mints off the pillows.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 2 - Lilith's Kitchen Fade in. Lilith is working on dinner.","Lilith: Frederick, your father is here.","Freddie runs to the door and goes out, shouting \"Dad!\" The three men all greet him cheerily. Martin and Niles come in with the bags. Niles has a bottle of wine.","Martin: Hi, Lilith, how ya doin'?","Niles: Happy Thanksgiving, Lilith.","Lilith: Martin, Niles.","Martin: Nice neighborhood. Noticed a whole bunch of kids Freddie's age playing in the street.","Lilith: Yes, he's spent many happy hours at his window observing their play patterns. Niles, I'm afraid with this interview, I'm running a little behind schedule. So, I'm enlisting you to help with the turkey.","Niles: Oh, well, I've never cooked a turkey before, but the recipe's here, I guess I can fumble my way through. How far along are you?","Lilith: I'm nearly done defrosting.","Niles: [unable to resist] And the turkey?","Lilith: Might I suggest you stuff it?","Frasier comes in with Freddie in his arms.","Frasier: So the rabbit said to the bear, \"No, no, I said 'oedipal,' not 'edible!'\"","Freddie: Good one, Dad.","Frasier: Hello, Lilith. [kisses her cheek]","Lilith: You're late.","Frasier: Oh, well, happy Thanksgiving to you, too. Well, there Frederick. [puts him down] Now, Mommy and Daddy have to head off to this meeting, then I'm all yours. Meanwhile, why don't you head off upstairs and show Grandad and Uncle Niles your brand-new computer.","Freddie: OK.","Martin: Come on, sport.","Martin, Niles and Freddie leave.","Frasier: My God, are you half as nervous as I am?","Lilith: And then some.","Frasier: We have got to master our nerves. It is vital that we appear to be well-adjusted, responsible parents. Lilith, do you still keep the Valium with the contraceptives?","Lilith: Sorry, I needed the last one just to go in and pick up the application.","Frasier: I'll assume you meant the Valium.","Lilith: Perhaps before the interview, you should sheath that butter-knife sharp wit of yours.","Frasier: Perhaps we could find the appropriate kitchen tool to ratchet down that butt of yours a notch or two!","Lilith: Frasier, stop. We should be focusing on our son.","Frasier: You're right, of course. We've always had our differences but we've been able to put them aside for the welfare of Frederick.","Lilith: And this may be the most important thing we ever do to ensure his happiness.","Frasier: Not counting our divorce.","The others come back.","Martin: Hey, Freddie and I are gonna break in this new mitt I bought him. [He musses Freddie's hair.]","Lilith: [smoothing Freddie's hair] Uh, Frederick doesn't play ball. He was just about to watch \"Pocahontas\" and write a satirical essay on the historical inaccuracies.","Frasier: Well, we're off.","Niles: Oh, no, wait, where do you keep your saffron?","Lilith: Third cupboard.","Niles: Mm-hmm, and where do you keep your shallots?","Lilith: In the crisper. By the way, you still have to remove the entrails from the chest cavity.","Niles: In that case, where do you keep your ten-foot pole?","Frasier: All right, now, Freddie. Mommy and Daddy are going to see you're wearing a Marbury blazer or die trying.","Lilith and Frasier leave.","Niles: Dad, maybe you should remove the entrails.","Martin: No can do. Freddie and me are gonna play catch.","Freddie: Mother says balls are for the slow children.","Martin: Yeah? Well, Grandpa's in charge now. You're gonna love baseball, it's easy as riding a bike.","Freddie: Mother says bikes are for the...","Martin: Yeah, I know, I know.","[SCENE_BREAK]","STOP SAYING \"DOCTOR\"","Scene 3 - Dr. Campbell's House. Fade in. It is a very fancy sitting room. The doorbell rings. Dr. Campbell opens the door to reveal Lilith and Frasier.","Lilith: Dr. Campbell.","Campbell: Dr. Sternin.","Frasier: Dr. Campbell.","Campbell: Dr. Crane. Please come in.","Lilith: You have a lovely home.","Frasier: Yes, and thank you so much for seeing us today.","Campbell: You're quite welcome. Make yourselves comfortable, I'll get us some coffee.","He exits to the kitchen.","Lilith: Thank you.","Frasier: I think that went rather well, don't you?","Lilith: So far, so good.","Frasier: Oh my God, we have just got to get Frederick into this school.","Lilith: I am so nervous, I feel as though all the color has drained from my face. How is my makeup? [They sit.]","Frasier: Well, you could use a pinch.","Lilith: Do I have time?","Frasier: No, you could use a pinch. [He pinches her cheeks hard to put some color in them.]","Lilith: Thank you.","Frasier plucks at something on the chair, a long thread comes out in his hand.","Frasier: Oh, oh lord. Oh, dear.","Lilith: What? What?","Frasier: Well, I just reached down to pull a thread off what I thought was my jacket, it seems it attached to this cushion. Oh, look, now this little bird has no beak!","Lilith: Stop doing that!","Frasier: Give me your nail clippers.","Lilith: I didn't bring them, just bite it off.","Frasier does, getting down on his knees and biting the thread off close to the cushion. Dr. Campbell comes back with the coffee as Frasier scrambles back to his seat.","Campbell: Does either of you take cream?","Frasier: Oh, yes, thank you.","Campbell: [sitting] Then let me begin by saying that the child who fills this opening need not worry for the future.","Lilith: Opening? There's only one?","Campbell: Yes. Well, children of alumni and certain generous benefactors are of course given preference.","Frasier: Oh, of course.","Lilith: Of course.","Campbell: Now, regarding your Frederick. His scores are of course excellent and I've no doubt he's being courted by other prestigious schools.","Lilith: Oh, yes.","Frasier: Yes, that goes without saying.","Campbell: Still, we like to think we are a cut above. Our sixth grade talent show just formed a highly successful cast album.","Lilith: Frederick has perfect pitch.","Frasier: Yes, we often use him to tune the piano.","He laughs weakly, the phone rings and Dr. Campbell gets up.","Campbell: Excuse me. [answers] Hello? Ah, Senator Geiger. I thought I made it perfectly plain that you'd be notified by mail. Well, Senator, rules may not mean anything on Capitol Hill, but they still mean something to me. And that is why young Noah will be seeking his education elsewhere. Do I SOUND flexible? Marbury thanks you for your interest.","He hangs up. Frasier is shaking and rattling his cup.","Lilith: Frasier, your coffee.","Campbell: Oh, yes, please be careful. Those chairs have been in the family for three generations.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 4 - Lilith's Kitchen Fade in. Niles is cooking, Martin has an ice pack over Freddie's face.","Martin: OK, let's take a look. [There is a huge bruise on one eye.] Oh, it's not so bad.","Niles pours some wine in a measuring cup then turns around.","Niles: AHH! [then:] Ya hardly notice it. [He takes a drink.]","Freddie: Uh-oh, I lost my MedicAlert bracelet.","Martin: Well, maybe it fell off when we were playin' catch.","Freddie: I'll go look. [He goes outside.]","Martin: All right. I still don't know how it happened. I lobbed it right to him.","Niles: When are you going to learn, Dad? The only thing the Crane boys are skilled at catching is sarcastic nuance and the occasional virus. [He opens the fridge looking for something.] Let's make a pact that while we are guests of Lilith's we'll avoid all activities that could possibly harm Frederick. Where are those pie crusts?","Freddie: [coming in] Found it.","Just as he gets fully into the kitchen, Niles quickly pulls open the freezer side door. There is a thump, and when he closes it, Freddie is standing there holding his nose.","Freddie: I taste blood.","Martin: Now you've done it!","Niles: Oh, God, Frederick, I am so sorry.","He gives Freddie his handkerchief and tells him to pinch his nose. There is the sound of a car pulling up.","Martin: It's them! Hey, pal, why don't we go find some cotton upstairs for that thing, huh?","Niles: Dad, wait, wait, how am I going to explain this to Lilith?","Martin: Well, I don't know. How did you give Maris bad news?","Niles: Usually by breaking a tranquilizer in her Slim Fast.","Martin and Freddie go off, Niles checks the fridge, then quickly steps to the stove as Frasier and Lilith enter.","Lilith: Did you notice how those patrician eyebrows of his arched when you mentioned Frederick's National Science Award?","Frasier: Yes.","Niles: I take it Dr. Campbell was favorably impressed.","Lilith: We had an initial bout of nervousness, but after that, we did an absolute bang-up job.","Niles: Speaking of bang-up jobs...","Frasier: You know, Lilith, there's just one question I wished we'd answered differently.","Lilith: Which one?","Frasier: Remember when he mentioned that Frederick was being courted by other schools? I wonder if we shouldn't have made it clear that Marbury is far and away our first choice.","Lilith: Frasier, if you over-analyze every detail, you will rob us of the joy of the moment. It will be our wedding night all over again.","Niles: Speaking of hard-to-explain bruises...","Frasier: Well, you know, you're right, you're right, of course. I'm sure everything's fine.","Lilith: Unless we didn't convey to him how highly we regard Marbury.","Frasier: Well, you see, that is my worry.","Lilith: We must correct this. [She picks up the phone.] What should I say?","Frasier: Oh, Lilith, stop, stop. Remember what happened when the senator called. We need a ruse.","Lilith: You're right. How's this? We go back and I say that I lost my earring in his living room.","Frasier: And while we're looking for it, we casually mention that Marbury is Frederick's first and only choice.","Lilith: Perfect.","Frasier: Let's go.","They rush off. Niles picks up his measuring cup of wine.","Niles: Speaking of dumb-ass ideas... He drinks.","[SCENE_BREAK]","End of Act 1 Act 2","Scene 1 - Dr. Campbell's house. Fade in. Frasier and Lilith are outside the door; they ring the bell and Dr. Campbell, in an apron, answers.","Frasier: Ah, yes, Dr. Campbell, I hope we're not disturbing anything important.","Campbell: Well, actually, I'm a bit frazzled trying to get my Thanksgiving dinner together.","Lilith: I'm afraid I lost an earring here this morning.","Campbell: Well, I'll have a look around and call you if it turns up.","Frasier: Well, um...","Lilith: Do you think I might be able to take a peek right now? I wouldn't even think of asking, but it was a treasured gift from... Golda Meir.","Campbell: Very well. [They come in.]","Lilith: Thank you.","Campbell: Forgive me. I must turn the heat down on the pumpkin soup. [He exits to the kitchen.]","Frasier: Lilith, we rehearsed everything we were going to say on the ride over. Where the hell did Golda Meir come from?","Lilith: Well, I admit it wasn't half as clever as \"Umm...\" but it got us in.","Campbell: [from kitchen] Any luck?","Frasier: Not yet.","Dr. Campbell comes out of the kitchen.","Lilith: We're so sorry for this. The whole ride over, we kept saying \"Why did this have to happen at the only school that matters to us?\"","Frasier: Yes, as you know, Marbury is our first choice.","Lilith: Oh, look, here it is. That was lucky.","Campbell: Remarkably so, considering that wasn't the chair you were sitting in.","Lilith: Umm...","Frasier: Well, I suppose it's time we be shoving off.","Campbell: I'm curious. I've always been a great admirer of Mrs. Meir. How did you meet?","Lilith: Oh, well, it's a funny story. Frasier you tell it much better than I do.","Frasier: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Back in college days, Lilith spent a summer at a kibbutz. And, uh, was dating her grandson, Oscar.","Campbell: That would be Oscar Meir?","Frasier: Yes, well just imagine the ribbing he took.","Campbell: [leading them to the door] Indeed. Well it was so good seeing you both again. Enjoy you're Thanksgiving. Marbury thanks you for your interest.","Frasier: Wait, wait a minute. \"Marbury thanks you for your interest.\" We know what that means.","Campbell: Oh good, then you'll have no trouble interpreting this.","He slams the door in their faces.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 2 - Lilith's Kitchen Fade in. Niles is cooking. Freddie is in a chair, cotton up his nose as Martin snips at his hair with scissors.","Niles: You had to give him gum, didn't you? And not just gum, bubblegum.","Martin: Well, maybe what threw him off is having to breathe through his mouth while he chewed it.","Niles: You know, Frederick, when I was a boy, nothing brought a smile to my face like when Mother would make a remoulade and let me lick the spoon.","Freddie: Thanks, Uncle Niles.","Niles: You're welcome.","Martin: You think maybe I should trim his bangs a little bit?","Niles: Maybe you should put the scissors down while he still has one good eye.","Freddie: Uh-oh. Is there anchovies in this?","Niles: Yes. Oh my God! I've never seen hives break out that fast! [A car pulls up.] They're back!","Martin: Freddie, you got any pills for this?","Freddie: I got pills for everything.","Martin and Niles rush Freddie off, Frasier and Lilith storm in.","Lilith: Of all the name in the universe, you had to pick Oscar?","Frasier: You started us down that path of insanity. Golda Meir. Golda My-ass!","Lilith: This sniping is pointless. Getting into Marbury was a longshot anyway. You heard the man. Most of these openings go to children of alumni and generous benefactors.","Frasier: Yes, yes. Wait a minute. Oh, my God we're such fools! Don't you see what the man was trying to tell us? He was trying to give us the way to get Frederick accepted.","Lilith: Are you saying he was fishing for a donation? So you think he was just trying to see if we were willing to pay our fair share.","Frasier: What else?","Freddie walks in. His hives are now huge and red.","Freddie: Hi, Daddy.","Frasier: In a minute, Frederick. My God, it was right there in front of us and we missed it, we didn't even see it.","Lilith: How could we be so blind?","Frasier: Well, we should get ourselves back down there and give the man what he wants.","Lilith: Right, we can't let anything stand in the way of our son's welfare.","Freddie: Mother...","Lilith: Mother has to run, munchkin. Go play with Grandpa.","Freddie looks towards the living room with quite a bit of fear.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 3 - Dr. Campbell's House Fade in. Campbell comes to the door and opens it.","Campbell: Ah, Dr. Sternin and Dr. Crane. Forgive me if I don't give you a big hello hug, but as you can see, I'm wearing this greasy apron. On top of which, I'm beginning to loathe the sight of both of you.","Lilith: All the more reason for us to be brief.","Campbell: Yes, I'm sure you'll be on your way, just as soon as you've found the cufflink given to you by Haile Selassie.","Lilith: No false pretense this time. We know that with so many qualified applicants and only one position open, that your decision must be very difficult.","Frasier: Yes, and so, in the spirit of the holidays, like Indians to your pilgrims' table, we bring this little bit of garnish, as it were, in the hopes that our relationship may flower. [He gives Campbell an envelope.]","Campbell: I'll have you know that, in twenty-two years, I have never accepted a bribe. I have to tell you, I find this utterly offensive. [He looks at the amount of the check.] In every possible way. And now, if you don't mind, I have guests on the way. And a turkey so undercooked, a skilled veterinarian could still save him.","Frasier: But, Dr. Campbell...","Campbell: Unless the rest of that sentence is \"I have a fully cooked turkey in the breast pocket of that blazer,\" I'm afraid our conversation is at an end.","He closes the door. Lilith and Frasier look at each other and get the same calculating look, then rush off.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 4 - Lilith's Kitchen Fade in. Niles drinking wine, comes in, opens the oven and bastes the turkey. Behind him, Martin hurries in, gets the icepack out of the freezer and hurries back out. Niles closes the oven, grabs the bottle of wine, and follows.","Frasier and Lilith rush into the kitchen. Frasier puts on oven mitts, Lilith opens the oven, he grabs the turkey and leaves, Lilith following with some garnish.","The oven timer goes off. Niles comes into the kitchen and opens the oven. Finding the bird gone, he closes it, then checks the top oven to make sure. Confused, he looks around to see where the turkey might have gone.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BEWARE OF GEEKS","BEARING GIFTS","Scene 5 - Dr. Campbell's Dining Room Fade in. Dr. Campbell is standing at the head of a table with a family of three on either side.","Campbell: This is indeed a very special holiday for us all. Pamela, Cynthia, I'm particularly grateful that finally you've been able to set aside your differences and join us in this Thanksgiving... tortellini.","Pamela: Well, as angry as I was that you'd admitted Regan into Marbury instead of our Wesley, it's all worked out for the best. Wesley is thriving at the Barkley School.","Campbell: I am delighted to hear it. Oh, I have a dusty bottle of Chateau LeFite waiting in the cellar for an occasion like this.","Dr. Campbell exits. There is silence for a moment.","Preston: Well, this is nice.","Elliot: Yes, it is.","The doorbell rings. They all say, \"I'll get it.\" Cynthia does the honors.","Cynthia: Hello.","Lilith: Hello, is Dr. Campbell in?","Cynthia: Yes, he's just gone to the cellar to get a bottle of wine.","Frasier: Yes, we don't mean to intrude, but we heard he was having trouble with his turkey and we thought we should drop this by.","Cynthia: Oh, how very generous of you. Please come in. Look everyone, these friends of Collin's have brought us a turkey.","Frasier: Well, I think \"friends\" is probably stretching it just a tad.","Lilith: You see, our son was a candidate for Marbury, and in our zeal to see him accepted we may have come on a bit strongly.","Frasier: Yes, well, I'm sure you'll understand as parents yourselves, it's only natural to wish only the very best for your son.","Cynthia: Oh, absolutely.","Pamela: There are other good schools. Barkley is excellent.","Frasier: Well, yes, thank you very much for trying to cheer us up, but I mean, if you're looking for filet mignon, you can hardly swallow ground chuck.","Cynthia: Now, now, Barkley is a very charming little school.","Pamela: \"Little school\"?","Cynthia: Now, don't be so sensitive.","Pamela: Damn your condescension.","Cynthia: Damn your jealousy.","Elliot: Don't you talk to my wife that way!","Preston: Oh, shut up, Elliot!","They begin arguing. Dr. Campbell comes in, holding the wine.","Campbell: Quiet!","Frasier: We brought a turkey.","Campbell: I don't know how this started, I can only be sure it started with the two of you.","Lilith: Actually...","Campbell: I will die a happy man if I never set eyes on either of you again. [They look heartbroken.] Unfortunately, there is only one way I can think of to ensure that: your son Frederick is hereby admitted to the Marbury School.","Frasier: [They are both ecstatic.] Oh!","Campbell: [holds up a hand] However! - he will immediately be expelled if either of you violates any of the following conditions: you will not bring him to school, you will not collect him; you will not attend any recitals, plays, sporting events, or school functions, up to and including \"Frederick Crane Day,\" should we ever have one. [He leads them to the door.] And when graduation comes, you will dispatch an appropriate envoy with a video camera. And now it is with great pleasure that I bid you goodbye - forever!","Frasier: Allow me.","He slams the door on himself and Lilith. Cut to the porch as Lilith and Frasier look at each other smugly.","Both: We're in!","[SCENE_BREAK]","End of Act 2","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dr. Campbell is sitting at the table. The chairs are scattered, some knocked over. He is finishing off the bottle of wine. Getting up, he notices the missing pattern from the chair Frasier was sitting in. He looks incensed."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"04x07","Episode Title":"A Lilith Thanksgiving","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_04x09.json","Recap":["Martin breaks up with his girlfriend Maureen ( Jane Kaczmarek ), but quickly starts a new relationship with Sherry ( Marsha Mason ). She is loud, boisterous and brash, and plays the banjo . Frasier and Niles soon take a disliking to her, but nevertheless pretend to like her for the sake of Martin's feelings; however, as spending time in her company gradually becomes more straining for both of them, they realize that they will have to confront Martin about her. Niles has won an award for an article he has written about a narcissistic opera singer, and learns that Martin intends to bring Sherry as his date to the awards ceremony."],"Transcript":["Act 1","Scene 1 - Caf\u00e9 Nervosa. Niles wanders into the Caf\u00e9, saying hello to Frasier and Maureen (from [3.20], \"Police Story\") who are sitting down at a nearby table.","Niles: Hello, Frasier.","Frasier: Hello, Niles.","Niles: Maureen.","Maureen: Hi, Niles.","Niles goes up to order at the counter where Roz is already waiting for her order.","Niles: A non-fat caf\u00e9, please.","Roz: I'll pay for his too.","Niles: Well, thank you. My day started off with good news and it's already getting better. To what do I owe this largesse?","Roz: Well, I'm having a pretty great day too. You see, a few months ago I took my first tennis lesson...","Niles: And you've finally mastered the backhand?","Roz: No, I haven't played since. But the guy who was teaching me...","Niles: Has won your girlish heart?","Roz: No, he was a loser. But that day he hit me this little dink- shot and I ran for it, stubbed my toe, got this big black toenail. It lasted for like three months and today it finally fell off. [Niles looks thoroughly mystified] I can wear sandals again!","Meanwhile behind them Maureen gets up to leave as Frasier sees her off.","Maureen: Thanks, Frasier.","Frasier: Goodbye Maureen, and good luck.","Maureen: Thanks.","She heads out the door and Niles comes over to join Frasier.","Niles: Frasier. May I borrow your spoon?","Frasier: Certainly.","Niles: [banging the spoon off his coffee cup] I have an announcement.","Frasier: Well frankly, so do I. Dad's girlfriend just told me some very big news.","Niles: Well, unless she's expecting our baby brother, my news takes precedence. [A look of panic spreads on Niles's face] She's not, is she?","Frasier: No, no.","Niles: Guess who just won this year's \"Mariett Fassbinder Award for Distinguished Contribution to the Literature of Psychiatry\"?","Frasier: Well, judging by the canary feathers protruding from your mouth, I'd say you. What article did you win for?","Niles: A gripping case history of a narcissistic opera singer. I called it \"Me Me Me Me Me.\"","Frasier: [chuckling] Very clever, I like that.","Niles: Thrilled as I am, I must admit I'm a tad nervous about the awards banquet.","Frasier: Why?","Niles: Dad! I want him there of course, but I'm just dreading a rerun of Aunt Vi's wedding.","Frasier: Yes - the hour he spent regaling the table with Little Niles stories.","Niles: Exactly. Imagine an entire roomful of trained psychiatrists hearing the story of Sheldon, my imaginary prot\u00e9g\u00e9.","Frasier: Ah yes, Sheldon. That troubled little fellow who kept wetting your bed! Well, you know - if you're thinking of excluding Dad from the event your timing couldn't be worse. It's his birthday this weekend.","Niles: Oh, right.","Frasier: On top of that Maureen just told me that she's decided to break it off with him.","Niles: No! Oh dear, is it the age difference?","Frasier: No, no. She was quite emphatic on that point. She just thinks they have nothing in common.","Niles: Oh, poor Dad. I know how much he enjoyed going out with her.","Frasier: Yes. Just the other day he was saying that between her police badge and his handicapped sticker they could park anywhere.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier is busy cleaning. Daphne comes in.","Daphne: Evening, Dr. Crane.","Frasier: Daphne. Thank God you're home first. Listen, I have to warn you.","Daphne: About what?","Frasier: Dad and Maureen are on a date. It's not going well. She's telling him that she wants to break it off.","Daphne: Oh. This vision you're getting - is it a tingly feeling and a picture in your head, or more like a husky voice murmuring in your ear?","Frasier: [annoyed] It's not a vision. Maureen told me about this, this afternoon. I'm just worried about Dad. We need to do everything we can to help him through this.","Daphne: I wouldn't worry about your father. People are more resilient than you think. You know, when Joe dumped me a few weeks ago I thought I'd lost the love of me life. I figured I'd spend the rest of my years dwelling on what might have been. The home we'd have made; the children running through it; growing old together... did I mention Joe's getting married?","Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry.","Daphne: No, I'm all right.","Daphne heads towards the drinks cabinet as she breaks down and grabs a bottle of wine.","Frasier: [goes to console her] Oh, Daphne, Daphne... [checks the bottle's label] That'll be fine. [she exits]","Meanwhile the scene switches to outside the apartment as Martin and Maureen arrive back from their date.","Maureen: Oh, I should have known that you'd hate Indian food.","Martin: No, it was great. It just takes a little getting used to.","Maureen: Yeah, it does. You should try it again sometime.","Martin: [retching slightly] I think I just did. So are you going to come in for some coffee?","Maureen: Nah. You're not feeling too well. I think I'll just call it a night.","Martin: But I thought you said in the car there was something you wanted to talk about.","Maureen: It can wait.","They kiss goodnight as Maureen heads back into the elevator. Martin goes into the apartment.","Frasier: Hi, Dad.","Martin: Hi.","Frasier: How was your date?","Martin: [with a pained expression on his face] Awful! I never felt this bad in my life. I feel like my guts have been ripped out.","Frasier: Dad, let me assure you this has nothing to do with your age.","Martin: Oh, the hell it doesn't. This never would have happened twenty years ago.","He goes into the powder room.","Frasier: Well, you know Dad, I may be talking out of turn here. But Maureen told me about this.","Martin: [from behind the door] What?","Frasier: Yes. She came to me for advice. That's how determined she was not to hurt you. You see, she wanted to make it perfectly clear that her breaking up with you had nothing to do with your age but rather your compatibility. You see, it's not your fault that you don't like the same food, music or movies...","Martin comes out with a bottle of Maalox and a puzzled expression.","Frasier: ...and she didn't bring this up, did she?","Martin: No.","Frasier: Dad, I'm sorry.","Martin: She doesn't want to see me again?","Frasier: Oh, I feel so terrible. Listen, Dad, I mean, I know exactly how you're feeling right now. But believe me, the pain will pass. It may take some time.","Martin: This is great!","Frasier: Or not!","Martin: Wait till I tell Sherry.","Frasier: Sherry?","Martin: [holding up the carton of Maalox] This stuff works pretty good. Have we got any pretzels?","Frasier: Dad - just who is Sherry?","Martin: She's this great lady I met down at McGinty's. You know - I've been trying for weeks to get up the nerve to end it with Maureen.","He gleefully picks up the phone. The doorbell rings and Frasier goes to answer.","Frasier: Good Lord. I've been worried all afternoon about Maureen breaking your heart and all along you've been two-timing-","He looks through the peek-hole before turning to Martin in panic.","Frasier: MAUREEN!","Frasier opens the door to Maureen while Martin slams the phone down and tries not to look too guilty.","Martin: Well hi, Maureen. Come in. Did you forget something?","Maureen: Yes I did. Um... [looks at Frasier]","Frasier: Don't mind me, I was just going out... [he realises he is in his dressing gown] ...to the powder room.","Frasier goes through to the bathroom.","Maureen: There's something that I've been meaning to say to you and I keep putting it off and that's not fair to you.","Martin: [acting concerned] What is it?","Maureen: I don't think it's working out.","Martin: [sitting down in fake shock] You don't? Wow. I didn't see that coming.","Frasier is peeking through the bathroom door with a look of contempt.","Maureen: Marty, it's not the age difference. It's just all we ever talk about is the police force - and I enjoy that - but I just think...","Martin: No, Maureen, come on. You don't need to explain. You know, I guess I always knew that I could never hold onto a prize like you forever. [slams the bathroom door shut in Frasier's face with his cane] But at least I did it for a while.","Maureen: So, are you OK?","Martin: [acting hurt] I will be. It just takes a little time, you know? But you take care of yourself.","Maureen: Yeah, you too.","They kiss goodbye and Maureen leaves. Before the door is barely shut Martin is celebrating with his cane in the air and a huge grin. Frasier opens the bathroom door holding onto his eye and looking highly annoyed.","Frasier: You old fraud!","Martin: What?","Frasier: You made her believe that she'd broken your heart.","Martin: Well, of course I did. When a woman breaks up with you, you have to act sad. It's only polite.","Frasier: Polite? My God, Dad, guilt is a very destructive emotion.","Martin: Oh, spare me the Ivy League bull. There ain't a dame alive who wouldn't rather break a guy's heart than think she hadn't even made a dent in it. I may not have made it to Harvard but I have been to the College of Love.","Frasier: Apparently on a Spillane Fellowship!","[SCENE_BREAK]","FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS","Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment Niles arrives at Frasier's apartment carrying Martin's birthday present. Frasier and Daphne are in the living room whilst Martin is in his bedroom.","Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane.","Niles: Hey, Daphne.","Frasier: Niles.","Niles: Frasier. Where's the birthday boy?","Daphne: Oh, he's getting all dolled up for his lady friend. You should see how excited he is.","Frasier: Not half as excited as he's going to be when he sees these new","videotapes: twelve cassettes of the history of World War II!","Niles: For those who thought the original was fun but too short!","Frasier: Well, this year I thought what the hell? Get him something he really wants rather than what I think he needs.","Niles: A very commendable sentiment.","Daphne: What did you get him?","Niles: An Armani tux. [pause] Well, my banquet's coming up.","Martin: [coming through in a suit] Hey, Niles.","Daphne: Ooh. Don't you look dapper?","Martin: Well, thanks. Yeah, I heard the door - I thought maybe it was Sherry.","Niles: Oh, I thought we were joining her and your chums down at the restaurant.","Martin: Yeah, I changed my mind. You know, I just thought that... I'm just so anxious for you to meet her, I know you're gonna love her. No, no, forget I said that. I mean, you will but I just don't want to jinx it. [the doorbell rings] Oh, there it is. Frasier, answer the door, would you? No, no, wait a minute. I'll get it.","Frasier and Niles look on smiling - that is, until the door opens to reveal a middle-aged woman wearing a short pink skirt, a pink blouse and carrying a bottle and a present.","Sherry: Happy Birthday!","Sherry practically leaps into Martin's arms and gives him an extremely loud kiss. The boys just look slightly aghast.","Martin: Come in and meet the family.","Sherry: [hugging Frasier] Hi! Sherry Dempsey. Now Marty didn't tell me the two of you were so handsome! [she bearhugs Niles who forces a smile]","Daphne: Hello. Daphne Moon.","Sherry: Ooh - the physical therapist. Don't worry about me, honey. I'm not the jealous type. Anybody that keeps my Marty limber is aces in my book.","Martin: [does a few dance shuffles, then:] Hey, sit down, Sherry. Come on. You know Fras, Sherry is a big fan of your show.","Sherry: Oh yes, a big fan. Well, as a matter of fact when my friend Donna's marriage was on the rocks, you were the one that she called for advice.","Frasier: Really? And did my advice prove helpful?","Sherry: That's not important. You cared. That's what matters.","Daphne: Can we offer you a drink?","Sherry: Well, actually, since it's a special occasion I brought some bubbly. Let's crack it open! [throws the bottle at Niles who just manages to catch it]","Niles: Yes, why not? [forcing a smile] Oh look Frasier - Cold Duck.","Sherry: You ever had it?","Frasier: Just once!","Daphne: I'll do the honours.","Sherry: Ooh, I love this apartment. Wow, that's some view you've got.","Frasier: Thank you.","Sherry: Which room's mine?","Frasier and Niles just look at each other.","Sherry: Gotcha!","Martin: She's always doing stuff like that.","Sherry: Oh, I love making people laugh. To me humour is like medicine.","Niles: [sotto voce to Frasier] Guess we're in the placebo group.","Frasier: So... Dad tells me you two kids met at McGinty's.","Sherry: That's right. I tend bar there. Saw your Dad there one night looking kind of lonesome and I said to myself...","Daphne: [coming through with the drinks] Bottoms up!","Sherry: Well, something like that.","Daphne: [dishing the drinks out] Here we go. Well, Happy Birthday.","Sherry: Through the lips and over the gums...","Frasier: Look out, tastebuds, here it comes.","Sherry: I never heard that version.","They all take a sip. However, Frasier and Niles turn around looking as though they're about to vomit. Both go to recover on the couch while trying to force their now customary smile.","Sherry: I better be careful. Two glasses of that and I'd be dancing on the tables.","Martin: Yeah. You know, Sherry used to be on the stage.","Frasier: On Broadway?","Sherry: Las Vegas. Ever been there?","Frasier: Just once!","Sherry: What a town, huh? Great food, terrific theatre, just too darn easy to get married. [looks at Niles] You're separated, right?","Niles: Yes.","Sherry: I've been there. Listen, you want my advice?","Niles: Well...","Sherry: Don't mope! Get right back in the saddle. My Mum always used to say to me, \"Honey, the only way to get over someone is to get under someone.\"","Martin laughs hysterically at this joke. Needless to say Niles just looks a bit shocked.","Sherry: Well, Momma had lots of sayings like that.","Niles: [slipping further down the sofa] I didn't know Mae West had children.","Martin: Well, hey, we better be going, so if you want to freshen up you better do it now. It's right down there.","Daphne: I'll show you the way.","Sherry: [to Martin] I know what you're doing here. You just want the reviews. [looking at Frasier and Niles] Talk me up.","Sherry goes with Daphne through to the bathroom.","Martin: That's not it at all. You think you're so smart. [turning to Frasier and Niles] Well, what do you think?","Frasier: [lost for words] Er... Wow.","Martin: Niles?","Niles: Er... I see that Wow and raise you a Zowie.","Martin: I'm so glad you like her. You really do, right?","Frasier: Yes, Dad.","Niles: Absolutely.","Martin: That's it, great! Well, you know we're going to have to spend more time here. You know, she's got that fourth floor walk-up and its murder on my hip. Not that I wouldn't climb the Space Needle to hear her play that banjo of hers.","Frasier and Niles can't say anything. Instead they simply reach for their Cold Duck and swig it down. Sherry and Daphne come back through.","Sherry: Come on, boys. She's back.","Daphne: You know, I keep meaning to ask: what's that lovely perfume you're wearing?","Frasier: Yes, I've been wondering that myself.","Sherry: It's called Milady's Boudoir. [heading out the door followed by Martin and Daphne] You wouldn't believe what a bargain it is. For a hundred bucks I could buy enough to drown myself in.","Niles: [slowly walking out the door with Frasier] I've got sixty!","[SCENE_BREAK]","NO GIRLZ ALLOWED","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 3 - Caf\u00e9 Nervosa Niles and Frasier are sitting down at a table drinking their coffees.","Niles: Again, I'm sorry for not making it over for dinner last night, but you know I had this tickle in my throat...","Frasier: Spare me your lame excuses, Niles. We both know why you weren't there.","Niles: How was Sherry?","Frasier: Colourful as ever. Last night she treated us to a selection from her unpublished volume of Limericks for Lovers. The last several were about a well-travelled man fortuitously named Horatio!","Niles takes a second before he realises and just looks disgusted. Suddenly panic spreads on his face.","Niles: Oh, dear God. Don't turn around.","Frasier: Who is it?","Niles: It's Dad, and he's brought Sophie Tucker!","Frasier: Oh God. But this is our place.","Niles: Don't look.","Martin and Sherry walk in and needless to say Sherry sees the boys immediately and knocks loudly on the window to them.","Sherry: Hey! How ya doing? Look who's here. Wow, what a cute place this is. I walk by here all the time and never stopped in.","Martin: Yeah, well the boys love it here.","Sherry: Well, we should start coming here. Now, make room at that table. We'll be right back. We're gonna get a cuppa.","Frasier: [forlorn] Quick Niles, pull up the ladder. She found our clubhouse!","Niles: This cannot go on.","Frasier: You're right. Dad has to be politely told that even though he may enjoy her company he has no right to... what's the polite word for inflict?","Niles: Well, I don't know, but I'm sure you'll find one.","Frasier: Me? I have to do this alone? I thought the two of us would sit him down and talk to him...","Niles: No, no, no.","Frasier: ...both of us.","Niles: No, no. I'm afraid you're the one who's going to be making that little speech.","Frasier: But Niles, both of us have a problem.","Niles: Ah, ah, ah, ah. She's not invading my apartment. I can afford to be patient.","Frasier: You are a little weasel, aren't you?","Niles: A little weasel whose Daddy loves him. [gets up]","Sherry: [coming to the table] Niles, before I forget. About your banquet - are we talking fancy-schmancy?","Niles: Well, it's not exactly the way it's worded on the invitation, but yes... [the cold dawn of realisation hits] Why? [sits back down]","Martin: Well, Daphne's got a cold so Sherry's going to use her ticket.","Frasier: What fun! That's coming up soon, isn't it? Maybe you should start working on that little speech.","Sherry: So, fancy dress, huh? Good. I got a backwards leopard skin number that's gonna knock your eyes out.","Niles looks ready to explode.","Martin: Gotcha!","Sherry and Martin both laugh hysterically. Niles forces a laugh while looking annoyed. Frasier is getting bumped into by Sherry as she laughs.","Sherry: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm smushing you.","Frasier: No, that's all right. We were just leaving.","Sherry: Oh, you gotta go? Well Niles, don't worry about your banquet. I'll wear a nice dress and put on my best dancing shoes.","Niles: Oh, well, there won't be dancing.","Sherry: You just leave that to Sherry!","Sherry and Martin both laugh again. So does Niles, before rushing outside to join Frasier who has already escaped.","Frasier: Well, your little banquet should prove quite amusing. I hope Dr. Geudfreund doesn't aggravate his hernia when he goes underneath the limbo pole!","Niles: I have to talk to Dad. I can't let her ruin the most important evening of my life. What do I say to him? Frasier, you've got to help me.","Frasier: Well... prepared though you were to abandon me and let me handle all the dirty work alone, I will swallow my resentment, confront him with you tonight and take my share of the heat.","Niles: Thank you.","Frasier: [smiling] Gotcha!","He walks off laughing. End of Act 1 Act 2","Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment. Martin is in his chair deciding over the night's entertainment. Niles is pacing the floor behind him.","Martin: So Niles, what are you in the mood for? Normandy or The Battle of the Bulge?","Niles: Whatever.","Martin: You've been fidgeting around all night. Something on your mind?","Niles: Ah, yes actually. It's about my awards banquet.","Martin: Yeah?","Niles: Dad, this is very difficult to say. I would really rather you didn't... [chickens out] wear those pants.","Martin: Well, I'm not. I'm wearing that Avanti tux you gave me. What's your problem?","Niles: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I guess, I don't know, I'm just nervous about tomorrow night. God knows why.","He sees Sherry's banjo lying on a chair and strums it before going outside onto the balcony.","Frasier: [coming in] Evening, Dad.","Martin: Evening.","Frasier: [notices Niles on the balcony and Martin in a foul mood] Something wrong?","Martin: You know, that brother of yours can be downright insulting. He's so afraid that someone's going to embarrass him at his fancy dinner.","Frasier: Er... you know, Niles told me about what he was going to say to you tonight. And well, I must say that, in his defense, it is an important evening for him and well, let's face it, Sherry can be a bit much.","Martin: She can, huh?","Frasier: Well, I don't mean it as a criticism, mind you. Some people like that. But now that Niles has broached the subject I must say that I too find Sherry a bit brassy and flamboyant... [notices Martin's puzzled look] He didn't say a word to you, did he?","Martin: I don't believe this. You got a problem with Sherry?","Niles: [coming back in] That delightful woman?","Frasier: Oh, knock it off! I see you're still waiting on that spine donor! Dad, there is no reason to belabour this point...","Martin: No, no. You got something to say, let's hear it. You don't like her?","Frasier: Please understand, Dad, as happy as we are that you've found someone...","Martin: But you don't like her?","Niles: No, no. We're not saying that. She's just not the sort of person that we would normally choose to spend time with.","Martin: In other words, you don't like her? Come on, we're all grown-ups here. Tell me the truth.","Frasier: [pausing] All right, Dad, we don't like her.","Martin: Fine! That's the way you feel about it? Don't worry, I won't bring her back here any more. I guess it's too much to expect my own family to make a person I care about feel welcome!","He heads off to the kitchen.","Frasier: WAIT A MINUTE! When did you ever make any of the women we were involved with feel welcome?","Niles: Ooh Frasier, you're right! He almost got away with that!","Frasier: When did Lilith ever set foot in your house that you didn't make her feel as wanted as a fungus?","Niles: Yes, not to mention my Maris!","Martin: You're comparing a warm lady like Sherry to Frosty the Snow- Wife?","Frasier: There! That is exactly what I'm talking about. Oh, why don't we just face facts? I mean, since when has any of us ever - from Sherry to Lilith to Maris to Diane - has ever been able to pick one woman that the other two could stand the sight of?","Martin: I picked your mother!","Frasier: [awkwardly] I'm sorry, Niles. I've been hogging the floor.","Niles: Er...","Martin: Ah, forget it. You're right. Why should I expect you to make the effort when I'm no better? Hell, you probably got it from me. You sure didn't get it from your mother 'cos she was great that way. Anytime she ever met anybody she could always find something to like about them. One of the things I loved her for. It's one of the things I love Sherry for. She's a lot like your mother that way. She'll always find something - even with you two.","Frasier: Well, I suppose we could all afford to be a bit more open- minded when it comes to each other's mates.","Martin: Well, at the very least, if we can't say anything nice we shouldn't say anything at all.","The doorbell rings.","Niles: I'll be having some quiet Thanksgivings, but fine with me. Frasier opens the door to Sherry.","Frasier: Hi, Sherry","Niles: Hi.","Frasier: Don't you look nice? Come on in.","Sherry: Well, thank you, Frasier. Oh Marty, I brought you one more little gift. [hands over a parcel]","Martin: Another one?","Sherry: Well, I wanted to give it to you on your birthday but it took me a while to find the right size.","Martin: Really? I'm usually a pretty easy fit.","Sherry: Who said it's for you to wear?","Martin: Ho-ho, I like it already.","Niles and Frasier just roll their eyes slightly and look at each other. Sherry notices their discomfort.","Sherry: Oh, I should stop. I'm embarrassing your boys.","Martin: No, you're not. [looks at them both] Is she?","Niles: [clearly faking] Nooooo!","Frasier: Party on!","Martin: [holding Sherry's hand] Well, I think we should go and unwrap this.","As they go, Frasier is unwilling to let Martin have the last word.","Frasier: Oh, Dad? Lilith mentioned that she was going to be joining Frederick on his next visit. You don't mind if she stays here, do you?","Martin: [clearly faking] Oh, Lilith! No, great, I love Lilith. That's terrific. She's welcome here any time.","Sherry: Honey, you're hurting my hand.","Frasier and Niles smile at each other.","Sherry: [to Niles and Frasier] Oh listen, I should mention I'm kind of a sleepwalker, so if you get up in the night and find me in here naked, just give me a good hard shake. I'll come to in a jiff.","Frasier and Niles both laugh at this.","Frasier: Got me, good one!","But Martin and Sherry aren't laughing. The boys stop and look at each other worryingly... then Martin and Sherry burst out laughing.","As they head off to the bedroom Niles reaches for Martin's Ballantine. End of Act 2","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frasier and Niles are sitting on the couch looking dumbstruck. The camera pans right to show Eddie and Martin are sitting in their usual places. Martin notices the boys' faces and waves his cane at them to cheer up. Frasier and Niles immediately force a smile and try to clap their hands in delight.","The camera pans right again, and we see what they are being treated to - Sherry on her banjo!","As she and Martin trade a look, Frasier and Niles take covert swigs from bottles of Maalox and then hide them under the table."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"04x09","Episode Title":"Dad Loves Sherry, The Boys Just Whine","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_04x13.json","Recap":["Frasier is having his flu shot live on his show, and despite his fear of needles, is determined to go through with it. Martin and Daphne are also there to get theirs, but Martin is late for meeting Duke and so they leave without getting their shot. Roz, meanwhile, has designs on the doctor administering the injections. Later, on a particularly busy day at Caf\u00e9 Nervosa , Frasier and Niles struggle to get a table and so decide to share a table with two attractive young women. The brothers each begin to date one of the women, and the four arrange a weekend at a mountain cabin. However, at the cabin, Niles starts feeling guilty about his separation from Maris."],"Transcript":["Act One","Scene One - Radio Station. Frasier is coming towards the end of his radio show.","Frasier: Well, listeners, flu season is upon us again. As is customary, KACL is offering its employees and their families free flu shots. Now, in order to show the importance of getting a flu shot, I am going to put aside my lifelong fear of needles and be inoculated right here over the air when we come back.","Frasier presses a button as Martin and Daphne enter.","Martin: We've been sitting out here half an hour, I've got places to go.","Frasier: Well, Dr. Claman is on his way, dad.","Roz: [enters booth] Frasier, are you afraid of needles?","Frasier: Oh, not really, no. I just say that to encourage people that really are.","Roz: Well, they can use the help. You know, those needles they use are about this long [uses finger to show great length] and if it hits a nerve when it's going into the muscle...","[Frasier squirms]","Daphne: Shots are perfectly harmless. You've got nothing to worry about. Well, sure, you hear the occasional story about somebody getting an air bubble in their vein or the needle getting stuck in a bone and the tip breaking off - but that's the exception.","Martin: Oh, that's it! We're out of here.","Daphne: Well, what about my flu shot? I always get a flu shot!","Martin: Well, you're not getting a flu shot today, you told me you'd drop me off at McGinty's. Now, I told Duke I'd meet him at five 'o clock sharp and he'd pounce if I were not there on time. He sits there with his bottom lip stuck out and eats all of the Brazil nuts out of the bowl because he knows I like them! So, come on, let's go.","Martin drags Daphne out.","Frasier: Nice to know that men in bars still settle their disputes the old fashioned way, isn't it?","Dr. Claman enters. Roz is obviously taken aback by him as usual.","Claman: Dr. Crane.","Frasier: Oh, Dr. Claman.","Claman: Sorry I'm late. My last patient was a bleeder.","Frasier: [worried] Oh...","Roz: Fifteen seconds.","Frasier: Where are my manners? [to Roz] Perhaps you should be inoculated first.","Roz: I already had my shot. [seductively to Claman] But I could sure use a checkup! [to Frasier] You're on.","Roz exits to her booth.","Frasier: [presses button] All right, folks, we're back. Em, joining us for this last minute of our show is Dr. Morris Claman who's going to give me my flu shot. Uh, but, you know, what's the rush? Perhaps we'd be interested in finding out what strains of flu you've isolated this year.","Claman: Primarily Singaporian and Guatemalan, would you roll up your sleeve, please.","Frasier: And how do you suppose they travelled here?","Claman: No idea. Roll up your sleeve.","Frasier: [rolling sleeve] Could it have been a careless tourist? A baggage handler? A tainted wok?","Roz: Dr. Crane, we're almost out of time. You do want to get that shot, don't you?","Frasier: [no, no] Yes, yes.","Claman: Right, first I'm just gonna swab the area with a little alcohol and then I'm going to give you the shot. [swabs it] There, that's done.","Frasier: Really? Well, that didn't hurt at all. The newly immunised Dr. Frasier Crane, signing off.","Frasier presses a button as Dr. Claman takes a big needle from his bag.","Claman: No, no, no, that was just the alcohol. This is the needle.","Frasier turns round and comes face to face with it, letting out a huge scream as Claman goes to inject him that causes Roz to jump and tear off her headphones.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DESIGNS","Scene Two - Caf\u00e9 Nervosa. The Caf\u00e9 is busy when Frasier and Roz enter to meet Niles.","Niles: Well, you're late. All the tables are taken.","Roz: No, uh-er, there's one right there. Dibs on that table.","Frasier: Roz, Niles was here first.","Roz: No, but I'm meeting someone. Please, guys?","Niles: Oh, who is it? Another one of your till-dawn-do-us-part relationships?","Roz: No, twerp! It's a guy who I think really has a chance. I can sense a lot of chemistry between us.","Dr. Claman enters and greets them.","Frasier: Dear God! When did you two even get out of my sight?!","Roz: You blanked out for thirty seconds after he gave you the shot!","Roz and Claman go to a table.","Niles: No-one is budging, we're going to be here forever.","Frasier: Well, Niles, I suppose we could share a table. There's a couple of seats available there.","Frasier points out the window seat where two women are sat chatting.","Niles: Oh, good Lord, we can't sit with strange women.","Frasier: Why not? We married strange women! [they laugh]","Niles: But really, I'm not in the mood.","Frasier: You know, just try to relax. It'll do you good to do something spontaneous for a change.","Niles: I just... I just... I wouldn't know what to say. And besides, I'm a married man.","Frasier: Oh, Niles, please, when will you get rid of that tired old excuse - your off again\/off again relationship with Maris?","Frasier and Niles go to the table.","Frasier: Hello, ladies, excuse me, would you mind terribly if we joined you until another table opens us?","Laura: Oh, please do!","Frasier: Oh, thank you so much, that's very kind. [sits beside Laura] I'm Frasier and... [looks at Niles dusting his chair] and this gentleman dusting for fingerprints is my brother, Niles.","[Niles sits]","Laura: I'm Laura, and this is Beth.","They all greet each other.","[N.B. Lisa Darr and Peri Gilpin were both regulars on the short-lived TV series, \"Flesh n' Blood.\"]","Frasier: So... what do you two ladies do?","Beth: Er, you don't want to hear about it.","Niles: Well, why don't we?","Laura: It's just boring - to guys, anyway.","Beth: Yeah, their eyes just glaze over when the subject comes up.","Frasier: Oh, come on, come on. We're not your average bozos off the street. Why don't you try us?","Laura: [resigned] We design kitchens.","The brothers gasp in awe.","Frasier: On the contrary! I am always ready to debate the merits of downdraft cook tops and ceramic tile backsplashes.","Laura: Whoa! Whose little boy are you?","Niles: Yes, and just the mention of a double-bowl stainless steel sink with integral drain boards makes me hum like a sub-zero freezer!","Beth and Laura are just as surprised and delighted as the boys.","Frasier: You know, I think the key to a good kitchen is comfort.","Beth: Well, that's a whole current trend - a living room feel in the kitchen.","Niles: Except of course with our father, who favours a kitchen feel in the living room!","Everyone laughs, especially Beth.","Beth: That's funny! You're very witty. [bats her eyes at him]","Niles: [embarrassed] Thank you.","Frasier: Oh look, Niles, a table has opened up. [starts to get up]","Laura: Oh, no, no, don't! Stay.","Beth: Yeah, this is fun.","Frasier: Well, yes, it is fun, isn't it, Niles?","Niles: Well, I told you it would be.","Frasier: Well, I'll go get us some coffees.","Frasier goes to the counter.","Niles: You know I, I...","Niles trails off as Beth, without taking her eyes from his, dips her biscotti in her coffee and seductively nibbles on the end.","Niles: I'll help. Niles goes to Frasier.","Frasier: I knew you'd panic!","Niles: Well, I'm sorry, this is still a little new for me. And besides, those two are coming on to us.","Frasier: You know, they are very attractive, Niles.","Niles: I know!","Frasier: Maybe we should ask them out?","Niles: On a date? We just met!","Frasier: Good point, Niles! Perhaps we should go out with them a few more times before we ask them on a date!","Niles: I just mean it seems a little rash.","Frasier: Well, that's exactly why we should do it. [picks up coffees] We're being spontaneous today. Come on.","Niles: Well, I am enjoying this... er, all right, I'll do it. Oh, oh, wait. We're making an assumption here.","Frasier: Hmm?","Niles: We could both we interested in the same woman.","Frasier: Good Lord, I hadn't thought of that.","Niles: All right, I'll declare. I'm interested in Beth.","Frasier: Good! Good, we really dodged the bullet there. [pause] Which one's Beth?","Niles: Oh, it's this one here.","Frasier: Great!","Frasier and Niles go to the table.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. Beth & Niles and Frasier & Laura enter the apartment.","Frasier: Here we are.","Laura: Oh, Frasier, what a great apartment.","Frasier: Well, it's just a little something I threw together. You know, an objet here, an antique there.","Beth: [notices Martin's chair] And there's the chair. Wow, he wasn't kidding!","Martin: [enters] Oh, hi.","Frasier: Dad.","Niles: Dad, meet Beth Armstrong and Laura Paris.","They greet each other.","Martin: Please, have a seat, sit down. [they do] So, you've been out on a double date, huh?","Beth: Well, sort of. We met this afternoon and the next thing we knew, your sons were taking us out to dinner and then to the Seattle Rep.","Martin: Oh, what did you see?","Laura: \"The Man Who Came To Dinner.\" It's about a bad-tempered invalid that moves into these people's house and just drives them crazy.","Martin: Oh, comedy?","Frasier: [enters with brandy on tray] I used to think so!","Martin: Well, Mr. Smart Alec, as a matter of fact, I was just about to do a favour for you. Sherry and I can't make it to the mountains this weekend and the cabin's already paid for, so I thought maybe you'd like to use it.","Frasier: Well, thank you, dad, but Laura and I have plans to go to the symphony.","Martin: Oh, how about you, Niles?","Niles: Oh, Beth and I are attending an art opening.","Martin: Well, if you hear of anybody. Nice meeting you, ladies. I'm really glad the boys brought you over. And it's been a long time since I said that and meant it!","Martin exits to his room as they pick up their brandies.","Niles: Well, dad wasn't really thrilled with the women we married.","Frasier: Yes, fortunately my taste has improved a lot since then.","Laura: [suggestive] I think your taste is fabulous. [pause] I'm referring to the brandy, of course.","Frasier: [looking into his glass] Hmm, velvety texture, great body... I'm not. [Laura smiles at him]","Niles: Well, in honour of what happened today - a toast to winging it! What greater thrill is there than going down an unknown path, not quite sure where it will lead, just enjoying the way that path winds, and what it looks like, and where it goes off to... er.....","Frasier: Perhaps you should have left a trail of breadcrumbs before you started down that toast!","Laura: You know, Frasier, I'd hate to see you miss a weekend in the country just to take me to the symphony, we can go next week.","Frasier: Maybe that... I have a thought. In the spirit of spontaneity that has carried us this far - why don't we postpone our plans are all go to the cabin together this weekend?","Laura: I'd love that.","Beth: Sounds like fun.","Frasier: Well, then, it's settled. Saturday morning we ride the high country!","Niles: Say, you two have been here five minutes and you haven't seen Frasier's kitchen yet.","Frasier: There's really nothing special about it.","Niles: Let's let the professionals judge that.","Laura: I am kind of curious to take a peek.","Niles: Well, peek away.","The girls get up and head to the kitchen.","Niles: And some day when you speak of his faux granite countertops - and you will - be kind.","Beth: [stops to look at him] You are SO funny.","Beth and Laura exit to the kitchen.","Frasier: What's going on?!","Niles: Well, things are going rather fast. Just going out this evening was a big step, but something that involves packing a suitcase, and given my situation, I can't...","Frasier: Niles! When you are going to stop letting Maris be an anchor on your social life?","Niles: Oh, surely that is the most tortured metaphor you've ever come up with! Maris, an anchor?!","They argue about this.","Frasier: Even if she's lightweight... For God's sake, oh would you just stop it, you're changing the subject! This afternoon, for the first time in your life, a perfectly lovely woman that you don't even know has agreed to go away with you on a weekend. Isn't that exactly the kind of scenario you've always dreamed of?","Niles thinks about it, and is unable to keep from smiling.","Niles: Yes.","Frasier: And if you pass it up, won't you regret it?","Niles: [more energetic] Yes.","Frasier: Well then, for once in your timid, risk-free life, don't you think it's time you grabbed for that brass ring?","The girls enter.","Laura: Great kitchen, Frasier! You guys feel like firing up the cappuccino maker?","Niles: [with gusto] Yes! [pause] Of course, if I have that much caffeine at this hour, it'll probably make me... [Frasier hits him] YES!!!","End of Act One Act Two","LET'S VUITTON WITH IT","Scene One - Cabin. Frasier, Niles, Laura & Beth enter the cabin with their luggage.","Frasier: Ah, here we are.","Laura: Oh, this place is perfect.","Beth: Don't you just love this air? Oh, I am going to sleep like a baby.","Laura: Me too.","Frasier: I hope you don't mind roughing it. There's no radio or television.","Laura: I guess we'll just have to make our own entertainment!","Beth: We should be able to manage that. Come on, let's go look around outside.","Niles: We'll start the fire and we'll be right out.","Beth: Okay.","Beth and Laura exit.","Frasier: Well, I think things are going rather well, don't you?","Niles: Yes they are, and thank you for twisting my arm.","Frasier: You feel like a new man, don't you?","Niles: I feel like a new woman, and thank God I remembered to pack one! [they laugh] Ah, you know, I just wish I were sure that Beth and I were on the same page. It's been so long, I've forgotten how to read all the signals.","Frasier: Well Niles, you don't need a decoder ring to understand the phrase, \"Make our own entertainment\"!","Niles: [naughty chuckle] No-o!","The boys laugh.","Frasier: Then again, there was that other statement about sleeping like a baby.","Niles: Exactly! They could be thinking platonic. The two of them in one room, sleeping like babies.","Frasier: The two of us in another, crying like babies.","Niles: Well, we're all adults, I suppose we could just ask them what they have in mind.","Frasier: That's the worst thing we could do! What if they're not interested? They'll be embarrassed and it'll ruin the entire weekend.","Niles: Oh, I know! Their luggage will tell us! We'll put my bag in with your date's, and your bag in with my date's. They'll see the mistake, and the way they correct it will tell us with whom they're planning to spend the night - each other, or us - and either way, it'll all look like a simple misunderstanding.","Frasier: You've done this before!","Niles: Only on my honeymoon, now hurry!","Frasier and Niles go about this operation. Then Frasier stops.","Frasier: Niles, this is idiotic! We're both trained psychiatrists.","Niles: Yes, and finally it's paying off!","Laura and Beth enter.","Laura: Oh, Frasier, this place is heaven.","Beth: Why don't we open up a bottle of wine and watch the sunset?","Niles: You know, the sun won't be setting for a little while yet. Just think how much more we'll enjoy it if we got all our unpacking done first!","Beth: That can wait.","Laura: Er, by the way, Beth and I were talking, and I don't know what you guys have in mind for tonight and sorry if this sounds kind of forward, but we would like to avoid an awkward, uncomfortable situation by getting this out in the open right now.","The boys are hopeful.","Laura: When we go out to dinner tonight, it's on us.","Frasier: [let down] Well, that's awfully nice of you. Speaking of awkwardness... er, did you know....","Niles: Look at that sunset!","The girls go to the window.","Frasier: Are you as crazed by this as I am?","Niles: It's driving me out of my mind.","Frasier: Oh, all right! I'm going to settle this once and for all. Now, just follow my lead.","Frasier and Niles walk up to the window with the girls.","Frasier: Yes, now that is lovely, isn't it? Frasier puts his arm around Laura's waist, she snuggles up to him.","Niles: Yes, it is magnificent.","Niles puts his arm around Beth's, she snuggles up to him. The boys lean back behind the girls and exchange faces that say, \"Bingo!\"","However, Laura and Beth then put their arms around each other, like friends. The boys lean back again with faces that say, \"Now what?!\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Daphne is sat with a towel over her head, on the couch, over a bowl of hot water as Martin enters and sits on his chair with a beer.","Martin: Not feeling so hot, huh? Daphne sits up and gives him an evil look.","Martin: What did the doctor say?","Daphne: He says I've got... Oh, what was that medical term he used? Oh, I remember - flu!","Martin: I'm really sorry I didn't let you get that flu shot. Is there anything at all that I can do for you?","Daphne: Well, when I was a little girl and got sick, Grammy Moon used to read me to sleep. It's a great comfort.","Martin: Oh. [picks up book] Is this what you're reading?","Daphne: Yeah.","Martin: \"The Rose And The Rapier\"?!","Daphne: Well, if you're not in the mood... [sneezes, coughs violently and then sprays a breath freshener into her mouth] You don't have to.","Martin: No, no, I'll do it.","Daphne: The bookmark's where I left off.","Daphne relaxes on the sofa.","[N.B. \"The Rose & the Rapier\" is the novel written by Deirdre Sauvage, the romance novelist from [3.07] \"The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl.\"]","Martin: All right. Okay. [reads] \"With a gasp of dismay, she ran to him, her amethyst eyes wide with alarm. 'You fool,' she hissed, 'Suppose someone saw you. The Duke's men are everywhere'.\" [looks up] Hey, this isn't so bad.","Daphne: I told you.","Martin: [reads] \"'You fool,' she whispered again, 'You sweet, brave, wonderful fool. I should have died had you not found my bedchamber.'\" [suddenly embarrassed] Oh, Geez! [reads] \"Then she was in his arms and all her qualms forgotten as she... [shifts in chair] ...tore his tunic asunder and thrust her eager lips against the sinews of his naked chest.\"","Martin looks over to Daphne who seems to be asleep. He turns some pages.","Martin: [reads] \"The next morning...\"","Daphne: You left out a section!","Martin: Okay, okay! [goes back, reads] \"As his brazen fingers peeled the silken fabric from her heaving... [coughs the word \"bosum\" out as he turns red] ...he beheld her quivering alabaster mounds. [takes a huge gulp of his beer to wet his suddenly dry throat] At that moment she felt the proof of his rampant passion... [he sweeps his forehead of sweat] against her milky thighs. His almost God-like beauty was marred only...","Martin looks over to a sleeping Daphne.","Martin: ...by the fact that he was...\" [closes book] cross-eyed, three feet tall and had breath like owl droppings!","Martin looks over to Daphne who is obviously dead to the world, he looks content.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Three - Cabin. That evening, Frasier, Niles, Laura and Beth are sat by the fire with glasses of wine.","Laura: Is there anything more relaxing than just lazing by the fire with a good glass of wine?","Beth: Nothing I know of.","Niles: You two must be relaxed. Sitting there so calmly when there is still all that unpacking to do.","Beth: Oh Niles, we didn't bring that much.","Laura: Yeah, we didn't think we'd need too many clothes this weekend!","Frasier and Niles look at each other wondering if this was a hint.","Laura: Well, I hate to break things up but I'm getting a little sleepy, so I'm going to get ready for bed.","Beth: Yeah, it is getting kinda late. [to Frasier, re: wine glass] Are you finished with that?","Frasier hands over the glass as Beth goes to the kitchen. Laura, meanwhile, goes to a bedroom. Niles and Frasier meet in the middle.","Frasier: Niles, this is tearing me apart!","Niles: These women are inscrutable as sphinxes!","Frasier: Yes, they've got us into some most veiled, cloaked, cryptic messages. Can't they just give us one clear signal?!","Beth: [crossing the room] Well, I'm off to bed. Niles, are you coming?","Beth exits to another bedroom.","Niles: [not realising] Curse these infernal riddles!","Frasier: Niles!","Niles: [realises] So she really said what I thought she said?","Frasier: Yes, go!","Niles: Suitcase! Suitcase!","The boys exchange cases.","Niles: There you are.","Frasier: Sleep well.","Niles: Oh, you too.","Frasier notices Niles pick up his mobile phone and dial.","Frasier: Niles, what are you doing?","Niles: Oh, never mind. [into phone] Yes, is Mrs. Crane there? Yes, I'll hold.","Frasier: What is this, some sort of weird, kinky foreplay?!","Niles: I'm starting to feel guilty about this.","Frasier: Now?!","Niles: I'm sorry, I just need to clarify the ground rules of Maris's and my separation.","Frasier: Oh, fine, fine. I think you might look back on this one day as your darkest hour. But, do what you want to.","Frasier exits to the bedroom where Laura is waiting.","Niles: [into phone] Yes, Maris. Er, it occurred to me, we never laid out the rules about our dating other people and what we could and couldn't do.","Beth: [o.s.] Niles, what are you doing?","Niles: [covers phone] Coming. [into phone] I, er, well, here's the","thing: I know that we're allowed to see other people. Em, my question is, how much of them are we allowed to see?","The door to his room opens. Beth stands in the doorway in a nightie in which Niles can see all. She beckons him.","Niles: [reeling slightly, holds up a finger, whispering:] Be with you in a second. [she smiles and goes back in; into phone] I'm sorry, what? Oh, really? Well, that's wonderful, that's all I needed to know. Thank you.","Niles hangs up and knocks on Frasier's door. Frasier opens the door looking rather angry. His shirt is half unbuttoned","Frasier: Yes?","Niles: You were wrong. Maris says she doesn't mind at all.","Frasier: Ah! Well then, off you go!","Frasier exits back to his room.","Niles: Let the revels begin!","Niles takes the bottle of wine and himself into Beth's room. However, he isn't in there two seconds before Niles re-enters the main room, still with the wine, and goes to knock on Frasier's door. Frasier answers it, with more anger, this time his whole shirt is unbuttoned and he is starting to undo his trouser belt.","Frasier: What?!","Niles: Why doesn't Maris mind at all?","Laura: [o.s] What's going on?","Frasier: Er, nothing, just a second, it's Niles. I'll be a moment. [then, to Niles] Why do you care?","Niles: Well, because she could have taken a lover herself and this is her way of alleviating her guilt.","Frasier: Okay, Niles, so what do you want to do? Do you want to stew over that all night - let her have all the fun?","Niles: Well, no, of course not.","Frasier: Well, then - [with somewhat less oomph] Off you go!","Frasier watches as Niles takes the wine bottle up to Beth's room, kicks the door open with his feet, and enters in macho pride. Frasier retires back to his room. The room is dark. However, Niles's mobile starts ringing in the room. Niles comes out again.","Beth: [o.s] Niles!","Niles: Er, momentito.","Niles answers his phone.","Niles: Hello? Yes, Maris. Oh, I see, but... all right.","Niles hangs up, confused. He then, once again, knocks on Frasier's door. This time he is wearing only his boxers","Frasier: Yes!!","Laura: [o.s] Frasier!","Frasier: I'll just be a second.","Niles: She changed her mind, she doesn't want me to go through with this. Do you realise what's happening here?","Frasier: Yes! Your ex-wife is ruining my s*x life! Give me that!","Frasier snatches Niles's phone. However it starts ringing again. This makes Frasier extremely mad as he moves towards the front door.","Niles: Could I... What are you doing?","Frasier opens the door and throws it out as it stops ringing. He closes the door.","Niles: [shocked] What are you doing? What if she's changed her mind again, how I am supposed to know what to think?","Frasier: I'm just going to say this one last time. This weekend is not about thinking, it's about doing. Doing something that the Crane boys haven't done for a very, very long time! For once in our miserable, sex-starved lives, can't we do something pleasurable without thinking it to death?!","Unaware to the boys, Laura and Beth enter the room.","Frasier: Don't think about today, don't think about what's right! Don't even think of them as Laura and Beth! [Laura crosses her arms] For tonight they are just two live, breathing, available female bodies who want us!","Laura: Think again!","Niles and Frasier turn around in shock to see Laura and Beth exiting to the two separate bedroom, slamming the doors behind them.","Frasier gives Niles a look. However, this gets worse when we hear Niles's mobile phone resonating from outside. Niles opens the door and looks out.","Niles: Do you remember which snow bank you threw my phone into?","Frasier: Oh, I think I could hit it again! [seizes him by the shirt]","Niles: Frasier! Frasier! Frasier!","Frasier pushes Niles out of the door. End of Act Two","[SCENE_BREAK]","That night, Frasier and Niles are sleeping in the living room of the cabin. Frasier is on the sofa, with some covers on him, whilst Niles is curled up on the floor shivering.","Frasier wakes up and looks over to Niles. He takes a pillow over to him, as if to give him some comfort. But instead, he just starts hitting him over the head with it in anger. Niles awakes to this. As Frasier resettles on the couch, he shivers himself back to sleep."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"04x13","Episode Title":"Four For The Seesaw","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_06x23.json","Recap":["Niles has been having a difficult time recently, being surrounded by happy couples: Frasier and Faye; Daphne and Donny; and now Martin and Bonnie, a waitress from McGinty's. He meets Roz late one Saturday in Caf\u00e9 Nervosa , and she has also had a bad day; her date cancelled earlier, and she resents the waitress serving them, whom she knows from the gym . The next day, Frasier is surprised to discover that she gave into her loneliness and slept with Bulldog, and is now mortified with embarrassment. Later on, Daphne confides in him the awful truth that she has lost her engagement ring , and is trying to conceal the fact from Donny. Niles apparently goes missing, not answering any phone calls, and Frasier and Martin suddenly panic in case he, also driven by loneliness, has gone back to Maris . They hasten to the Montana, only to discover that he is with Kit ( Jessica Cauffiel ), the waitress from Caf\u00e9 Nervosa whom Roz dislikes. Roz, incidentally, seems unable to resist the temptation to sleep with Bulldog again, but when he refers to her as his girlfriend, she is repulsed by the idea. However, she cannot bear to tell him this after he announces that KACL has fired him. The Crane couples start to have problems: Frasier keeps calling Faye Cassandra by mistake; Martin is annoyed by the way Bonnie's poodle , Lady, dominates Eddie. Niles seems happy with Kit, even if his uncharacteristic new leather jacket and use of youthful slang terms like \"buzz-kill\" mystify his brother. In reality, the lifestyle does not suit him."],"Transcript":["ACT ONE","Scene One - Cafe Nervosa - Evening. Niles is sitting alone at a table at Cafe Nervosa, sadly stirring a coffee as Roz drags in. Two of the cafe staff are sweeping and cleaning at the back tables.","Roz: Oh, hey, Niles.","Niles: Hey, Roz.","Roz: [glumly] God, do you realize how pathetic this is? It's 9:30 on a Saturday night and neither one of us is surprised to see the other one here alone. I've never seen this place looking so grim.","Niles: [even more depressed] Oh, this is Mardi Gras compared to half an hour ago, when it was just me and an elderly gentleman who cleaned his teeth with his coffee stirrer, and then put them back in his mouth. Let me get the waitress. [catching the waitress's eye]","Roz: Oh God, not her, I hate her. She's in my spinning class at the gym. I've been killing myself trying to take off these last five pregnancy pounds, and nothing! Meanwhile she's down at the snack bar stuffing her face and waving to everybody. She's such a phony.","Kit the waitress comes over to the table.","Kit: Hi, Roz.","Roz: Hey, Kit, you were great in class tonight!","Kit: Are you kidding? I've been such an oinker lately. What can I get you?","Roz: Oh, a non-fat latte for me.","Kit: [leaving] Coming right up.","Roz: See what I mean? She's such a fake.","Niles: I'm sorry, Roz, I'm afraid I'm not going to be very good company tonight.","Roz: Well, whatever your problems are, you'll laugh at them when you hear what I've been through. I had a date tonight. I got halfway down my driveway when he called me on my car phone and cancelled. I was too humiliated to go back in the house and face the sitter, so - don't ask me why - I went to the zoo. You really want to feel good about yourself? Put on your best outfit and walk through the monkey house on a Saturday night. And be sure and stop by and see Remo the baboon, who knows all kinds of ways to have fun without a date. Feeling better about your problem?","Niles: Daphne and Donny got engaged yesterday.","Roz: Oh my God.","Niles: Yeah, and lucky me, I had to sit there and watch, horrified. There wasn't a thing I could to do stop it - much like your monkey house experience.","Roz: I am so sorry, Niles. You really did have a worse night than I did.","Just then Noel Shempsky enters the cafe and is immediately drawn to Roz.","Noel: Hey, Roz!","Roz: [miserably to Niles] Oh wait, I'm gaining on you.","Noel: Isn't this a splendiferous surprise? So Roz, Dr. Crane - is this a date?","Niles: No, just a chance meeting. [to Roz's grimace] Sorry.","Noel: So Roz, where is this person you told me you had a date with?","Roz: That got cancelled.","Noel: [archly] Oh... \"cancelled,\" you say? And here you are, showing up at my regular Saturday night hangout. Will the coincidences never stop? Perhaps you'd care to join me for a late supper?","Roz: No, Noel. As I said earlier, I'm really not in the mood.","Noel: Playing hard to get, I see. [to Niles, sotto voce] It's all part of the mating dance. Watch and learn.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BED AND BREAKFAST","Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment - The Next Morning. Frasier in his bathrobe ushers in Niles, nattily dressed in a blazer and slacks and carrying his trench coat. Martin, also in his robe, is reading the paper in his Chair.","Niles: Morning.","Frasier: Ah, Niles. Armani? At eight in the morning on a Sunday?","Niles: Yes, yes, I'm having lunch with Maris.","Martin: With Maris?","Niles: Yeah. We scheduled this weeks ago. She still has some of my first editions, and I thought she might be more amenable to returning them if I took her to her favorite bistro.","Frasier: Oh, well then, the worst you're out is a cup of clear broth.","Niles: No, this is lunch. She takes her large meal in the evening. I'm sorry to barge in so early, but I had to get out of the Montana. The couple next door were just married and they kept me up all week with their boisterous lovemaking. Why is it when you're by yourself there's nothing but couples in love rubbing it in your face?","Faye enters in Frasier's bathrobe and pads over to the table to give him an affectionate kiss.","Faye: Good morning! Niles, are you going to join us for breakfast?","Niles: [begging off] For breakfast? Well, actually-","Faye: Oh, come on, you've got to. I brought some pastries from the restaurant.","Martin: I didn't even hear you two come in last night.","Frasier: Well, we got in kind of late. We took a long walk after dinner.","Faye: Yeah, it was great. [heading out to the kitchen] The streets were deserted, it was all misty out. It was like we were the only two people in town. [goes to the kitchen]","Niles: [flipping open his cell phone] I wonder if Maris would rather have breakfast than lunch.","Frasier: Oh, Niles, put that down.","Martin: Now wait, Frasier, if Niles wants to leave-","Frasier: Dad, please, there's no need for Niles to feel awkward. You're here. It's not like he's some third wheel.","Bonnie (last seen in [6.12] \"Our Parents, Ourselves\") comes into the living room in a short bathrobe and perches on the arm of Martin's recliner, putting her arm around him affectionately.","Bonnie: Good morning.","Martin: Hey! You boys remember Bonnie, from McGinty's?","Frasier: Yes, of course.","Niles and Frasier rise to greet Bonnie.","Bonnie: I was at the Super Bowl party, remember? I brought the ham loaf.","Frasier: Well, who could forget? We talked about it long after.","Niles: It came up almost daily.","Bonnie: Aren't you sweet? [going into the kitchen] I'm just going to get some coffee.","Martin: Okay. [to Frasier, after Bonnie leaves] You could have told me you were having Faye over.","Frasier: Well, I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't realize you were seeing Bonnie.","Martin: Yeah, I see her from time to time. You got a problem with Bonnie?","Frasier: Well, no.","Martin: Because if you're bringing it up, you know, I have second thoughts about Faye. I liked the other one you were seeing, Cassandra. She was a dish!","Frasier: I don't care. I prefer Faye. I had to make a choice, no matter how much fun it was dating two beautiful women.","Niles: This morning just gets better and better.","Bonnie: [coming in with Faye, each bearing a loaded tray] Who wants coffee and pastry?","Niles: Nothing for me, thanks.","Faye: Are you sure? I make a mean nutcake.","Niles: [rising to get his coat] No, that's all right, I'm meeting one for lunch.","Frasier: So, Bonnie, I see you've met Cassandra.","Faye: Who?","Frasier: Oh, Lord, I'm sorry. Faye!","Faye: Who's Cassandra?","Frasier: Uh, my... Aunt Cassandra. Yes, that must be the-the connection. See, you remind me a bit of her. She was an angel, wasn't she, Dad?","Martin: Oh, Cassandra? Great gal. I wish she was around.","Eddie comes in and jumps up on the couch.","Bonnie: Ah, Eddie, good morning. I'll bet you can't wait to meet Lady.","Martin: Yeah, we're getting Eddie together with Bonnie's poodle. We figure if we hit it off, maybe something will happen for them. Even dogs deserve happiness!","Niles: [having had enough] Okay, well, I'll be off.","Bonnie: [pointing to Niles's blazer] Oh, hold on, you've got a loose button right there.","Niles: No, no, it's all right.","Bonnie: No, it's about to come off.","Niles: No-","Bonnie: [pulling off the button] See? Here, I'll sew it back on for you. [pulling the blazer off a reluctant Niles] I've got needle and thread. You don't want to lose it, do you?","Niles: I'm trying not to. Frasier, I have to get out of here!","Frasier: [guiding Niles to a chair] Now Niles, listen, just relax. There's no cause for an anxiety attack.","Just then Donny and Daphne enter from her room in their bathrobes.","Donny: Good morning! Niles begins to gasp for air.","Frasier: [handing him the empty pastry bag] Breathe into this!","[Niles waves it off]","Martin: I didn't know you two were going to be here last night. Why doesn't somebody say something?","Donny: Well, we planned on going to my place, but we ended up going to a little piano bar just around the corner from here.","Daphne: Such a charming spot. So intimate. And to top it off, the piano player knew all my favorite songs - \"Yesterday\", \"As Long As He Needs Me,\" \"Climb Every Mountain.\"","Frasier: Well, you threw him some real curves there.","Donny: [to Faye] Hi, I'm Donny Douglas, and I'm... in love.","Daphne: Listen to him. He embarrasses me like that at least ten times a day. And I just can't get enough of it. [kisses Donny]","Niles begins gasping again and heads over toward the couch, where Bonnie is still working on his blazer.","Niles: How we coming on the button?","Bonnie: I've almost got the needle threaded.","Niles gasps deeper and looks to Frasier for rescue.","Frasier: All right! You know, if anybody's hungry, we've got plenty of goodies here from Le Cigare Volante. Cassandra's the pastry chef there.","Faye: She is? I thought I was.","Frasier: I'm so sorry! God, I did it again. I guess I must have her name on my mind.","Faye: Well, that's okay. Just try to remember mine.","Frasier looks blank.","Faye: Faye!","Frasier: Faye! Oh, Faye...","Donny: You know, I'm kind of glad this worked out the way it did. Neither Daphne nor I has any family here in Seattle. You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to make this our engagement breakfast.","There are sentimental oohs and ahhs all around. Niles's \"ahh\" looks suspiciously like a repressed scream.","Donny: Surrounded by friends who treat us like family. And I'd like to dedicate it to the woman who's filled my life with a joy I never thought I'd find.","Niles is really gasping now. Everyone else clinks coffee cups and murmurs \"hear, hear.\"","Bonnie: Ah, Marty, I think I'm gonna cry.","Martin: Ah, jeez...","Faye: [admiring Daphne's hand] Oh my God, look at that ring.","Daphne shows her ring to Bonnie and Faye as Niles faints, falling off his chair, unnoticed by anyone.","[SCENE_BREAK]","END OF ACT ONE","ACT TWO","Scene One - The Radio Station - A Few Days Later Frasier is signing off as Roz listens from the booth.","Frasier: That's it for today. This is Dr. Frasier Crane saying goodbye, and good mental health.","He punches the button and takes off his headphones.","Frasier: Nice job there, Roz. Could you please try to find some callers that have real psychological problems?","Roz: Your dad's on Line 2.","Frasier: I meant during the show, thanks. [picking up the phone] Yeah, Dad, hi. What, again? Oh, that's the third time he's cancelled this week. You know, he's been so lonely you'd think he'd be glad for my company. Well, all right, no matter. I guess I'll see you home in a while. Oh, I don't know, later. Oh, maybe an hour, two hours, I don't know! Oh, for God's sake, well just hang a tie on the door if you're so worried about it! [hanging up]","Roz comes into the studio.","Roz: Is everything okay, Frasier?","Frasier: Yeah, Roz. I was thinking about something. You know, it's funny how loneliness can make people behave in strange ways.","Roz: [looking guilty] What do you mean?","Frasier: Oh, you know, do things that are sort of rash, and act out of character.","Roz: Oh God, I knew someone would find out about it! Who told you? Did he tell you? I'll kill him!","Frasier: Roz!","Roz: [panicked] Oh please, Frasier, don't tell anybody else! Oh, I beg you! It was one night, one lonely, stupid night!","Frasier: What are you talking about?","Roz: You don't know?","Frasier: No! What happened?","Roz: [covering, trying to leave] Nothing, I'll see you tomorrow.","Frasier: [stopping her] Roz! Stay right here. Now you listen to me, I am your friend, you know that. I would never judge you. Now, just how... stupid and lonely were you?","Roz: It's the last person I ever would have dreamed of.","Noel passes by and knocks on the glass, gazing fondly at Roz for a moment before moving on. Roz waves to him distractedly and continues talking, but Frasier leaps to the obvious conclusion.","Roz: I guess I haven't been dating much lately and I just I've been so lonely.","Frasier: Oh my God! You've slept with Noel.","Roz: [utterly disgusted] NO! Oh, how could you even think such a thing!","Frasier: All right, just tell me. Who was it?","Roz: Nobody. It doesn't matter. It's over. It was a mistake and I just want to forget it ever happened.","She flees to her booth, Frasier in hot pursuit.","Frasier: Roz, Roz, listen, we've all been there. Come on. You were just looking for a little comfort. It's all right. No reason to beat yourself up about it.","Bulldog comes into the booth and greets Roz with genuine affection, trying to hug her.","Bulldog: Hey, baby, I'm sorry I had to skip out before breakfast.","Roz: [breaking away from him] Oh, Bulldog!","Frasier: Bulldog?!","Roz: Bulldog.","Bulldog: [raising his fists in victory] Bulldog!","Roz: Oh, Frasier, swear you won't tell anybody else!","Bulldog: [patting her on the rear] So you told the doc, eh? Guess you just had to brag, huh? [as she hits him] Hey, I don't blame you. I told a few guys myself.","Roz: Oh God, oh God, oh God!","Bulldog: Gee, where have I heard that before?","Frasier: [retreating hastily] I'll just leave you two alone.","Roz: [attempting to follow him] I'm right behind you.","Bulldog: Gee, where have I heard that before?","He corners her, but she gets away from him and tries to go out the door. He closes it and blocks her path. He plays with the front of her sweater teasingly as she confronts him angrily.","Roz: Stop that! Look, Bulldog, last night was a mistake. I will regret it for the rest of my life, and if you ever bring it up again, I promise you you'll regret it.","Bulldog: Hey...","He backs her up against the door and kisses her. She hits him several times, each time more weakly. They break the clinch, breathing heavily.","Bulldog: Your place tonight?","Roz: Ten o'clock. Use the service elevator.","Bulldog barks as Roz flees the studio.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Two - Frasier's Living Room - That Afternoon Daphne is cleaning the living room as Donny lounges on the couch, eating Chinese food from carryout cartons and dictating into a recorder. Daphne is wearing a rubber glove on her left hand and is furtively looking around the floor for something. Donny looks askance at her.","Daphne: How's the speech coming along?","Donny: Oh, it's almost finished. [resuming his dictation] \"So though you are graduating today, your learning has just begun-\" [squirming on the couch] There's something under the cushions back here.","Daphne: What, you found something?","Donny: [reaching behind the cushion] Oh, it's a cell phone.","Daphne: [disappointed] Oh.","Donny: [handing it to her] Is this Frasier's?","Daphne: No, he had his when he left for work this morning. Must be his brother's. I'll tell him the next time he's over. [leaving] I'm... going to finish tidying up the kitchen.","Frasier enters through the front door.","Frasier: Hello, all.","Donny: Hey, Frasier.","Frasier: [eyeing Donny's gym shoes and cartons on the suede couch] Hello, Donny. I hope I didn't come home at an inconvenient moment.","Donny: No, your timing's perfect, actually. One eggroll left.","He tosses Frasier an eggroll, which Frasier catches.","Donny: Nice hands.","Frasier: Yes, they were.","Daphne comes in and continues looking around the living room furtively as she hands Donny a glass.","Daphne: Here's your drink.","Donny: Oh, thanks. [to Frasier] Isn't she great? Takes me on a three mile run and then feeds me diet soda. [eating another eggroll] I thought I'd hate healthy living, but you know, it ain't so bad.","Frasier: Daphne, why are you wearing that rubber glove?","Daphne: What, this? I was, um... doing the dishes.","Frasier: With just one?","Daphne: [inventing] It's the English way. You wash with the left, dry with the right. Started during the war, I think, when rubber was rationed.","Frasier: Oh, yes.","Daphne: Can I see you in the kitchen, Dr. Crane?","Frasier: Yes, of course. Let me just call Niles first. He cancelled on me again today.","But Donny has beat Frasier to the phone.","Donny: Oh, I'll just be a second here. I just have to check up on a case I'm finishing. Poor b*st*rd, I'm really taking him to the cleaners.","Frasier: Well, perhaps you'd be so kind as to bring the couch along.","Reset to: Kitchen Frasier follows Daphne into the kitchen.","Frasier: Yes, Daphne?","Daphne: I'm afraid a terrible thing has happened. I've lost my engagement ring.","Frasier: Well, where was the last place you saw it?","Daphne: That's just it, I've searched everywhere! I'm terrified Donny'll find out.","Frasier: Daphne, you can't go around hiding your hand forever. You're gonna have to tell him. He's a reasonable man, he'll understand.","Daphne: I suppose you're right.","She pulls off her rubber glove, but Donny comes into the kitchen on the cordless phone and she dives toward the refrigerator.","Donny: [on the phone] You're negligent, pal! You're criminally irresponsible, you were careless, and you're going to pay for it! Yeah! [hanging up and tossing the cordless phone to Frasier] Here you go, boss.","Frasier: Thank you.","Donny: Hey, Daph?","Daphne emerges from the refrigerator with her left hand inside a raw chicken.","Daphne: [nonchalantly] Yes, love?","Donny: What are you doing?","Daphne: Oh, I'm just stuffing the bird for Dr. Crane's dinner.","She lays the chicken on a cutting board and sprinkles pepper on it.","Donny: Oh. Listen, unfortunately I'm going to have to work late. I'm going to just pop in the shower and then I'll have to leave.","Daphne: [seasoning the bird] Oh, I'm sorry.","Donny: Oh, that's okay. Absence just makes the heart grow fonder.","He pulls her into a kiss and she hugs him, her hand still inside the chicken. He heads off toward Daphne's room as Frasier speed-dials the phone.","Frasier: You know, Daphne, if that ring never turns up, that chicken works, too. Just see how it catches the light.","Daphne: Oh, stop it! I'm just going to go have a look in the bedroom.","She extracts her hand and leaves. Frasier talks on the phone as he replaces the chicken in the refrigerator and washes his hand.","Frasier: Hello? Niles? [leaving a message] It's Frasier. Yes, listen, I've tried you at your office, I've tried you at home, now I'm calling your cell phone. If I don't reach you now I'm actually going to get very worried about you.","He stays on the phone in the kitchen as Martin comes in the front door and hears Niles's cell phone ringing on top of the bookcase. He hobbles over to answer it.","Martin: Hello?","Frasier: Yes, hello, is Niles Crane there, please?","Martin: Uh, I don't know, I just got here. Let me go check.","He puts the cell phone down and looks around, then goes into the kitchen, where Frasier is still on the portable phone.","Martin: Frasier, have you seen Niles?","Frasier: I'm just trying to reach him, Dad.","Martin: Oh, okay.","Martin goes back into the living room and retrieves the cell phone.","Martin: No, I'm sorry, he's not here, but I'll write your name down and give it to him. Wait a minute, I've gotta find a pen.","He puts the phone down again and goes into the kitchen.","Martin: Frasier, have you seen my-","Frasier: Dad, please, I'm on the phone!","Martin: Well, I'm sorry, I was just looking for a pen! Forget it.","He goes back to the living room as Frasier realizes what's going on. He follows Martin.","Martin: [on the phone] Hello? Listen, could you maybe call back in an hour?","Frasier: Dad?","Martin: Would you mind, please? I'm on the phone!","Frasier: [into his phone] Dad, it's me.","Martin: [realizing] Frasier, why did you call from the kitchen? You could have just walked in here!","Frasier: Just hang up the phone. [Martin does] For God's sake, it must be Niles's cell phone. Gee, that's strange. He's never without that phone.","Martin: Huh.","Frasier: And what's more, he's been avoiding me for the last three days.","Martin: Oh, cut him a little slack. Seeing the six of us the other morning couldn't have done much for his mood. He's probably just gone off somewhere to be by himself.","Frasier: Well, I just hope he hasn't done something foolish. Remember he was having brunch with Maris on Sunday.","Martin: Oh, that was just business.","Frasier: Well, you know, Dad, he is broken-hearted. People in his condition have a tendency to run back to their exes. A lonely man clinging to an available warm body. Well, of course in Maris's case, that's just an expression.","Martin: He just spent two years divorcing her. He's not going to go back to her.","Frasier: Yeah, I hope you're right. Say, didn't you have plans today with Bonnie?","Martin: Oh, it was cut short. We had an incident.","Frasier: Really? What happened?","Martin: Oh, we took the dogs to this park near Bonnie's, and I knew there'd be a little sizing each other up and everything. But this poodle of hers, Lady - which she ain't! - walks right up to Eddie, knocks him over and then sits her big French butt right on his head.","Frasier: You're kidding.","Martin: No. And the worst thing was, he just lay there whimpering and took it. And Bonnie, she thought it was really cute. I mean, what kind of a person likes to see a dog humiliated?","Frasier: Dad, may I remind you that not a holiday goes by that you don't dress that dog up in some sort of ridiculous hat?","Martin: Hey, there's nothing wrong with those hats. He looks good in hats. He's got a hat face!","He follows Frasier into the kitchen.","Martin: Well, he was probably just intimidated being over in Lady's park, you know. Wait'll he gets over to this side of town. He owns that park. Even the big dogs are scared of him.","Frasier: That's because they've seen him in his hats and they think he's crazy!","Niles's cell phone rings on the counter. Frasier goes to answer it.","Frasier: It's Niles's cell phone. [answering] Hello? Niles Crane's... phone. Yes, it's his brother. I'll be glad to tell him. Thank you.","He hangs up, looking vindicated. Martin looks on curiously.","Frasier: Well. That was St. Pierre jewelers. The diamond earrings Niles ordered are ready.","Martin: Diamond earrings?","Frasier: Uh-huh. From Maris's favorite jeweler. You know what, he's obviously too afraid to tell us that he's run back to her.","Martin: Now stop that, you're scaring me. He doesn't have to be with Maris. Maybe he's hurt, maybe he's in the hospital or something.","Frasier puts on his trench coat and hands Martin his jacket. Martin doesn't budge out of his chair.","Frasier: We've got to track him down and talk some sense into him. I'll tell you what, we'll head over to the Montana, and if he's not there, we'll go to Maris's.","Martin: Well, I don't want to go to Niles's and I sure as hell don't want to go to Maris's!","Frasier: Dad, this is not about what you or I want, this is about what Niles needs! For God's sakes, the man is devastated, he's vulnerable. We need to rally around him and show him our support.","Martin: [giving up and following Frasier out the door] Well, why didn't we just do this on Sunday?","Frasier: We had our girlfriends over!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Three - The Montana - Hallway Outside Niles's Apartment Frasier rings the bell as Martin hangs back.","Frasier: Dad, what are you doing back there? What are you so worried about?","Martin: Well, what do you think? Running into Maris. You know how angry she gets. I just wish we had a sharp stick or a heavy net or something.","Niles opens the door in his dressing gown, looking tousled and sleepy.","Frasier: Niles!","Niles: Yes?","Frasier: Niles, where have you been? You haven't been answering any of my calls.","Niles: Oh, Frasier, I am so sorry. I'll call you tomorrow.","He tries to shut the door, but Frasier holds it open.","Frasier: No. I want to talk to you right now.","Niles: Well, I can't. I'm, I'm... [meaningfully] entertaining, so off you go.","Martin: [vehemently, pushing his way inside] No, we're not leaving without you, so put on your shower shoes and a coat and let's get out of here.","Niles: What is wrong with you?","Frasier: [following Martin in] Niles, I know how difficult the last three weeks have been for you. I'm sorry, you are making a big mistake. This is NOT the way to handle it.","Niles: So - you know what's going on?","Martin: Yes, Niles!","Frasier: How did this whole thing even get started?","Niles: Well, we had an impromptu coffee at the Caf\u00e9 Nervosa, and that led to a movie, and that led to dinner, and ever since then we've been practically inseparable [smiling] and to tell you the truth, we're kind of happy about it. [Frasier and Martin look disgusted] How do you even know about this?","Frasier: [handing him his cell phone] Your jeweler called. Your diamond earrings are ready.","Niles: Oh, well, thank you for the message. Now go away!","Frasier: No! Niles, we're not going anywhere. You may consider this a full-blown intervention. We're not leaving until you have got some self-respect back!","Kit comes dashing down to the upstairs landing in a fit of enthusiasm and a fetching red silk pajama top, clearly one of Niles's. She looks like Meg Ryan with long curly hair.","Kit: Niles! You know what we should do tonight? [seeing Frasier and Martin] Oh, hi. [going right on] Build a fire and make s'mores.","Frasier: You might also want to get some graham crackers.","Kit: [coming down to the living room and putting her arms around Niles] I'm sorry, I didn't know we had company.","Niles: No, no, that's okay. Kit, this is-","Kit: [pointing at Frasier] No, wait, I know you from the cafe. Cappuccino, light foam. [to Martin] And you too. Coffee, black, nothin' fancy!","Frasier and Martin are charmed and relieved.","Niles: [hugging her in delight] Isn't that good? Kit, this is my father, Martin, and my brother, um... [thinking] Frasier.","Frasier: How do you do?","Kit: Really? [looking at Niles] Oh, I see it. Cool!","Frasier: You know, this is sort of a surprise, I guess. We didn't expect to see the two of you together.","Kit: [with her arms around Niles] Oh, I had my eye him from the minute I saw him. He's always so neatly put together. I just couldn't wait to mess him up!","She musses his robe playfully. Niles is a little startled but flattered. He's digging this in a big way.","Niles: And mission accomplished!","Frasier: So, Niles, you haven't seen Maris then since Sunday?","Niles: [catching on and grinning smugly] Oh, is that who you thought I was here with? That's funny. No wonder you were upset.","Kit: Who's Maris?","Niles: My ex-wife.","Kit: Well, if you want to see her too, that's cool. I told you, no strings. [rubbing his face seductively] Just fun.","Martin: [grinning broadly] You always want your kids to have more than you had.","Frasier grimaces jealously as we FADE OUT."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"06x23","Episode Title":"Shut Out In Seattle [1]","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_07x08.json","Recap":["Frasier and Niles have a minor car accident and end up at the hospital. While waiting for Frasier to be seen, Niles discovers that Maris' plastic surgeon , who is still sending him the bills for Maris' botox treatments, is based here. He takes the opportunity to confront this Dr. Mel Karnofsky, and finds that she is a young-looking, attractive divorc\u00e9e with a fussy nature akin to his own and an interest in the arts. Later that day, a local news report announces Frasier's death, a case of mistaken identity caused when he left the hospital early, and the person who took his place in the line suffered a fatal heart attack . When reading his obituary in the newspaper, Frasier reflects on his life, and all the things he has yet to achieve. Martin, meanwhile, enjoys the attention and free drinks he receives from everyone who thinks he has just lost his son."],"Transcript":["ACT ONE","Scene One - Frasier's Car Niles and Frasier are enjoying a ride in the BMW, and I use the word \"enjoy\" loosely. Frasier is driving, Niles is whining in the passenger seat with his raincoat collar turned up around his neck.","Niles: I can't believe how cold it is in here.","Frasier: Niles, the climate control is on, it's perfectly comfortable.","Niles: Oh, really? Touch your tongue to the seat belt, I dare you.","Frasier: I'm starting to regret I even asked you to this exhibit. I wanted to invite Regan, but after the disaster I made of our first date I just felt too ashamed to even ask.","Niles: Well, you can't avoid her forever, she's your neighbor. Ask her again, what's the worst thing that can happen?","Frasier: She'd ask me to stop harassing her, which would mean I'd have to spend the next six months riding in the service elevator with Guillermo and his three-legged cat!","Niles: How is little Wobbles?","Frasier: Fine.","Niles slowly turns up the heating control.","Frasier: I see what you're doing, Niles! If you're so cold there's a scarf in the glove compartment.","Niles: Oh, really? I thought that's where you kept the butter and the eggs.","Frasier: Well, now it's burning up in here! I'm gonna take this coat off.","Niles: Are you insane?","Frasier starts taking his coat off, not concentrating on the road.","Niles: At least wait until we've stopped... They start arguing about the road.","Frasier: Take the wheel!","Niles: I'll take the wheel but... Frasier, stop. [looks into road] Stop!","Frasier: No, it's almost off.","Niles: No, I mean brake, brake!","Frasier crashes into the next car in a minor fender bender. The airbags deploy and squash the Crane boys.","Niles: Are you all right?","Frasier: Yes. Thank heavens your fist softened the blow of the airbag!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Two - Accident & Emergency Frasier and Niles are waiting to be called. Frasier is holding a blood-stained tissue to his nose. A man, Phil, is sitting next to them.","Phil: Hurt your nose?","Frasier: [looks at Niles] Yes.","Phil: That's what I figured. Right when you came in, I said, \"That guy hurt his nose.\" So how did you, you know...","Frasier: Excuse me.","Frasier leaves him and goes to the receptionist.","Frasier: Yes, hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane here. I was just wondering, I filled out my paperwork about half an hour ago.","Receptionist: They'll call you. We're seeing people in order of importance.","Frasier: Oh really, well, I do have my own radio show.","Receptionist: The importance of the injury!","Frasier: Yes, of course.","Niles: [to receptionist] Do you know, are there any plastic surgeons on call?","Frasier: Oh Niles, that's not necessary.","Niles: Can't be too careful, could be broken.","Receptionist: Don't worry, the best plastic surgeons in town have their offices here. Dr. Rab, Dr. Karnofsky and Dr. Burke.","Niles: Karnofsky? Mel Karnofsky?","Receptionist: That's right.","Niles walks back to Frasier and explains.","Niles: Maris's plastic surgeon. Would you believe that charlatan is still picking my pocket a year after my divorce?","Frasier: Good Lord, for what?","Niles: Oh, for Maris's botox injections. They use those botcholeanen toxins that you put in the forehead, it deadens the muscles and takes away the wrinkles. I gave it to her as a gift one year for our anniversary.","Frasier: Oh, yes, probably your tenth. That's toxins, isn't it?","Niles: Anyway, Karnofsky keeps billing me for her follow-up injections.","Frasier: Good Lord.","Phil has already crept onto the scene.","Phil: So you're divorced, huh?","Niles: Yes.","Phil: Me too, I'm Phil. [puts his hand out, Niles doesn't reciprocate] Fourteen years together. Came home one day and... oh hell, I probably shouldn't even talk about it.","Niles: Okay.","The brothers walk away.","Frasier: You know, Niles, seeing as how we're here, why don't you go and find this Karnofsky and straighten this whole thing out?","Niles: No, no, I can't leave you here injured.","Frasier: That's all right, Niles, I'll be fine.","Niles: Are you sure? I may just pay Dr. Karnofsky a visit.","Frasier: You know, it really is outrageous what these scalpel jockeys get away with; convincing women like Maris to spend fortunes on their exterior, when frankly what they need is to take a good look at the woman inside.","Niles: Right. Well, she did have one chemical pill where you could see her kidneys for a while.","Frasier: [laughs] Off you go. Good luck, Niles.","Niles: Thank you.","Niles walks off down the corridor. Frasier looks over at Phil who is now sat down reading the newspaper. He slowly edges to the seat next to him, making sure he is not seen over Phil's paper. Frasier thinks he's safe until...","Phil: [lowers paper] Not a pretty woman, my wife, but when she danced you couldn't keep your eyes off her.","Frasier: You know, actually I'm feeling a lot better, goodbye!","Frasier gets up and runs out of the hospital. Then the nurse comes to the front desk and calls.","Nurse: Frasier Crane? [no response] Frasier Crane, we're ready to see you.","Phil: That's me!","Phil gets up to go with the nurse.","[SCENE_BREAK]","WHAT, ME WORRY?","Scene Two - Mel Karnofsky's Office. The office is decorated well with objets d'art. Niles is admiring the art as a man in a lab coat enters with a large, heavy box of files.","Niles: Ah, Dr. Karnofsky, I see you've decided to make time for me!","Clerk: Sorry, I'm from Records. I was told to bring over Maris Crane's files. [places the box on the desk] That's this year.","The man then exits as a woman in a white lab coat enters from another door.","Mel: Dr. Crane?","Niles: [turns around] Yes.","She puts down her clipboard and holds out her hand.","Mel: I'm so sorry to keep you waiting. Melinda Karnofsky.","To Niles's surprise, Mel Karnofsky is not just a woman, but a rather attractive one - with fine pale features, curly dark hair, and an ultra-fastidious air that he always thought was his exclusive province.","Niles: [taken aback, shakes her hand] Oh, yes, of course, Niles Crane. About this billing issue...?","Mel puts her hand on the box, then pulls it back. It is a little bit dusty.","Mel: Oh my God, this box is filthy.","She takes a wet wipe from her drawer and cleans her hands, which seems to fascinate Niles.","Niles: Yes, the problem is I have received three invoices over the past six months.","Mel: Yes, I'm so sorry about that. And I'm so sorry about all this dust. Do you mind, I'll have to turn on my hepafilter?","Niles: Oh, you have a hepa... [notices and gasps] You have a Svenson!","Mel: Yes. They're great, aren't they? [turns it on]","Niles: Not to mention impossible to get in this country, I've tried.","Mel: Well, I once did a favor for Mrs. Svenson. Oh, it's a long story.","Niles: I'm all ears.","Mel: So was she. Anyway, I've spoken to the accounting department about your bill and it was clearly our mistake. Please accept our apology, we'll take care of it.","Niles: I appreciate that.","Niles notices a print on the wall. It is a portrait of a woman done in the typical Cubist fashion of Picasso.","Niles: Oh, I like that print very much. However, Mel seems to be obsessing with her coat.","Niles: Everything all right?","Mel: I'm sorry, I just noticed a smudge on my jacket. [points to an invisible mark]","Niles: It's barely noticeable.","Mel: You're being kind.","Mel takes her jacket off - showing him a slender waist and an alluring pair of bare shoulders - and pops it in the bin.","Mel: I got that print at the last museum show.","Niles: Oh, I thought you looked familiar. Perhaps I've seen you there.","Mel: Perhaps. I go to all of the openings, I'm on the museum board.","Niles: Really? Well, congratulations. All the exhibits this year have been...","Mel opens her wardrobe to reveal several identical white lab coats hung in seamless order. Niles notices.","Niles: [passionately] Perfection!","Mel: Well, thank you.","Niles: I particularly like the Picasso. I'm a big fan of his Cubist period.","Mel: Oh, striking, isn't she? Yes, I'd like to think if she came in here I could have actually helped her. [Niles laughs] You must think I'm terribly fussy.","Niles: [passionately] Yes.","Mel: Anyway, it was very nice meeting you.","Niles: Likewise.","Mel and Niles go to shake hands but before they do, Mel's phone beeps.","Nurse: [v.o.] Dr. Karnofsky, Mrs. Magreshack has a question for you in room three.","Niles: Helen Magreshack?","Mel: Oh, I really can't say.","Niles: Oh. [turns away, then leans in] She's finally having it removed?","Mel: Why did she wait?!","Niles: I don't know!","They laugh. Mel exits as the man enters again. This time he has several file boxes stacked on a hand truck.","Clerk: Found '98.","Niles: Actually, that's all been settled. [picks up photo on desk] Can you tell me, is that her husband?","Clerk: No, she's divorced. That's her son.","Niles: Really? Dr. Karnofsky's so young, she must have had him when she was a child.","Clerk: [skeptical] Okay.","The man leaves as Mel enters again. She is surprised to see Niles.","Mel: Oh, was there something else?","Niles: Er, no. [walks away then] Er, no. Well-","Mel: Yes?","Niles: Mel, er... I was wondering, I, er...","Niles strikes the box with his hands. Mel hands him a wet wipe.","Niles: Thank you. Er, I'm not really sure how to ask.","Mel: I think I know what it is.","Niles: A-ha.","Mel: And you've got no reason to be nervous.","Niles: Oh, really?","Mel: Yes. Just a few quick injections and those nasty little wrinkles in your forehead will disappear.","Beat.","Mel: Well, that is what you were going to ask, isn't it?","Niles: [laughs] Yes.","Mel: Well, it's a very simple procedure. Although your forehead will be numb for a while. I can fit you in at four-thirty.","Niles: Oh good, that gives me time to do something I need to do.","Mel: Excellent... [exits]","As soon as she's gone, Niles throws a barrage of slaps at his own forehead in anger at himself.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DEAD MAN WATCHING","Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment. Martin is sat in his chair reading the paper. Frasier is sat watching the news, holding a cold compress to his nose. The doorbell sounds. Daphne answers the door to Niles.","Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane.","Niles: Hello, Daphne. I was on my way home, I thought I'd see how the patient was doing.","Frasier: Oh, I'm fine, thank you, Niles.","Niles: You have no idea how guilty I'm feeling. [to Daphne] I suppose he told you it was my fist that struck in the inadvertent yet powerful blow.","Frasier: So how did things go with the nefarious Dr. Karnofsky? Did you give him a piece of your mind?","Niles: Actually he turned out to be a she, and quite a reasonable she at that. [sits next to Frasier]","Frasier: Really? That's quite a turnabout.","Niles: Yes, well...","Daphne notices something on Niles.","Daphne: Dr. Crane, don't move.","Niles: Why?","Daphne: There's a mosquito.","Niles: Where?","Daphne: On your forehead.","Niles: Uh-oh! [pats about acting on his head] Get off, get off.","Daphne: It's already gone.","Niles: Oh.","Daphne: Oh dear, looks like it bit you.","Niles: All right... [acting] Ow!","Frasier: Niles, wrinkle your forehead for me, will you?","Niles: Why would I do that?","Frasier: Just do it. Wrinkle your forehead.","Niles attempts but fails. He stands up in protest.","Niles: I'm not your marionette!","Frasier: You got a botox injection! You've got a forehead full of poison right now, don't you?","Niles: I do not!","Daphne: [looking at the floor] Well, that's strange. The mosquito fell right out of the air, dead. [picks it up and bins it]","Martin: What's a botox injection?","Frasier: Oh, it's a cosmetic procedure they use to eliminate facial wrinkles.","Martin: Oh great, my kids are having plastic surgery. That's a nice age to get to.","Frasier: I can't believe you let Maris's witch doctor work her magic on you.","Niles: Mel is a perfectly lovely person! In fact, I was screwing my courage up to ask her on a date when she noticed this little flaw and I lost my nerve.","Frasier: Yes, and most of the feeling in your face as well!","Daphne notices something on the television.","Daphne: Dr. Crane, look, your picture's on the news.","Frasier: Well, turn it up, Dad, turn it up.","We then see a close-up of the television. Over the newscaster's shoulder is a studio portrait of Frasier, with the caption, \"Frasier","Crane: 1952 - 1999.\"","Anchor: After checking into the hospital with what appeared to be minor injuries from a fender-bender, radio psychiatrist Frasier Crane died suddenly today. I'm sure it goes for all of us here at KYLL when I say he'll be sorely missed. [cheerful] But this rain won't be missed, will it, Flip?","The three are watching it, gobsmacked.","Frasier: Dear God!","Martin: What the hell?","Daphne: That's unbelievable!","Niles: [flat face, shocked voice] Outrageous!","[N.B. Frasier's birth year is given here as 1952 - three years before Kelsey Grammer's actual birth date. Thus, at this time Grammer is forty-four but Frasier is forty-seven.]","END OF ACT ONE","ACT TWO","Scene One - Caf\u00e9 Nervosa Frasier is talking to Roz on a front table.","Frasier: As it turns out, after I left the hospital some poor devil used my name to jump the line and he dropped dead of a heart attack. I must say, it does seem a bit strange having plunged all of Seattle, albeit temporarily, into so much grief.","Roz: I know, I'll never forget where I was when I heard you had died. I was out on the street. There was this crowd watching a television through a department store window, and before I knew it, we were weeping and hugging each other.","Frasier: Very amusing, Roz!","Roz: And then it began to rain, and I had this feeling that all the angels were crying.","Frasier: [irate] Yes, all right, Roz!","Martin arrives from the back of the caf\u00e9 with a copy of a newspaper.","Martin: Hey, Roz. Fras, have you seen this? [hands him the newspaper]","Frasier: Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. [to a puzzled Roz] It's my obituary.","Roz: They printed it?","Frasier: Yes, they must have picked it up off the wire last night before the news ran that correction.","Martin: Jimmy gave it to me at McGinty's. Boy, everybody was so nice to me, buying me beers and everything. You know, because of the shock I went through thinking I'd lost my son.","Frasier: Dad, what are you talking about? You didn't think I was dead!","Martin: Well, people don't have to know that. I could have been at home alone, wondering where you were and I get this strange uneasy feeling. So I turn on the TV and there it is on the","screen: the face of my dead son.","Frasier: But I was sitting right beside you!","Martin: Well, what kinda story is that?","Frasier: It's the truth!","Martin: Well, the truth doesn't put anything on a coaster!","Martin exits in protest.","Roz: Well, there's something for your scrapbook, huh? Your own obituary. [begins to read it]","Frasier: Yes, well... you know, frankly, it's-it's a little upsetting.","Roz: [looks up] I don't think they meant to be insulting, you are \"lovably pompous.\"","Frasier: Not that. It's just, seeing all my life in black and white, it just all looks a little incomplete.","Roz: What do you mean?","Frasier: Well, I was going to do so much with my life. I was going to write a novel, run for public office, I was gonna do my own translation of Freud...","Roz: Well, what's stopping you? You're not actually dead.","Frasier: I guess you're right. [laughs] I'm not dead, am I? [laughs] You know, maybe that's a good way of looking at this actually, more of a wake-up call.","A lady interrupts him who has appeared.","Lady: Dr. Crane, I was so relieved to hear that you're all right.","Frasier: Well, thank you.","Lady: I heard the news and I thought, \"What a shame, why he is such a young man.\"","Frasier: That's so nice of you. Thank you, thank you so much. You know, you're right. What am I doing frittering away my day here in this coffee house? [stands] You know, I've got things to do. I've got fresh world to conquer. I'm going to go out there and grab life by the scrub. Look out destiny, here I come!","Frasier marches to the door and exits out onto the street. However, a rumble of thunder followed by a downpour of rain sees Frasier hurrying back in wiping the water from his coat.","Frasier: [excusing] Well, it's really coming down out there.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier is working on his laptop on the dinner table wearing a tatty old sweater and jogging pants as Daphne enters with the laundry. There are food baskets all around the place.","Daphne: What happened to your clothes? Did you spill something on yourself?","Frasier: No, no, no, I'm going jogging later.","Daphne: No need to be sarcastic, just give me the clothes and I'll do another load.","Frasier: No, I'm serious, Daphne. I plan to go running just after I finish my obituary. [off Daphne's glance] It's a self- actualizing exercise. You write your obituary the way you'd like it to appear - years from now, of course - and then it helps you to focus your goals. [sits back] Here they are, all my hopes and dreams.","Daphne: [looks at monitor] These are dreams, all right. [laughs, then reads] \"Dr. Crane came late to athletics, he became a fixture in the Seattle marathon, the America's Cup yacht race, as well as the Kentucky Derby.\" [laughs] A jockey at your size! You better start writing an obituary for the horse.","Frasier: Very amusing, Daphne. I meant as a stable owner.","Martin enters and notices Frasier.","Martin: Hey Fras. What you do? Spill something on your clothes?","Frasier: No, I'm going jogging later.","Martin: Well, there's no need to get sarcastic about it.","Frasier: I'm serious, Dad, I'm going to have to start somewhere if I plan to run a marathon!","Martin, however, hasn't listened and notices another food basket on the console behind the sofa. He takes a closer look.","Martin: Ooh, we've got a new basket? Hickory Farms!","Daphne: Yes, that one came this afternoon.","Frasier: Dad, we agreed that we were going to send back all the condolence baskets intact.","Martin: I know, I know, but, you know, if a can of pecans falls out here and there, who's going to notice? Oh, by the way. Guess who I ran into? That friend of yours from next door, Regan.","Frasier: Really?","Martin: Yeah. You know, she was pretty relieved to hear you weren't dead. You know, maybe there's still something going on there.","Frasier: Oh, I don't know, Dad. I'd like to believe that, but I'm just too much of a realist.","The doorbell sounds.","Daphne: [reads screen] Tell that the two million people a year who visit \"Frasier Land.\" [laughs]","Frasier: It's a website, it teaches children about psychiatry!","Martin opens the door to Niles.","Martin: Hi.","Niles: Oh, hi Dad. I can't stay, I just realized I think I left my cell phone here last night.","Daphne: Oh, yeah, I did see it somewhere. Let me just have a look for it...","Daphne goes to the console to search for it.","Niles: [to Frasier] Why are you wearing running clothes?","Martin: He won't tell us!","Daphne: [picks up cell phone and hands it to Niles] Here it is. It was buried back here underneath all these baskets.","Martin: Oh, Daph! Look what you did! Rooting around in there, you poked a hole right through this... [Martin quite obviously punches a big hole through the cellophane on purpose] Hickory Farms basket! We can't send it back now! [He takes it to his chair.]","Niles: Thank you, Daphne.","Daphne exits to her room.","Frasier: Niles.","Niles: Yes?","Frasier: Is that a bandage sticking out of your shirt?","Niles: Oh, where?","Frasier: Well, right there. [points to one on the back of his neck]","Niles: Oh yes, I cut myself shaving.","Frasier: On the back of your neck? You went to see Karnofsky again, didn't you?","Niles: Yes, I did! I was going to ask her out again, when I got all flustered and I caught her staring at this grotesque carbuncle.","Frasier: Carbuncle? You mean that miniscule mole of yours.","Niles: Well, to you. I've always been self-conscious about it. I've made many a hasty wine selection because I felt the sommelier staring down at it.","Frasier: Oh, please. Just knock this off. Isn't it time you just asked the woman out?","Niles: Frasier, I'm just waiting until the moment's right.","Frasier: Like you did with Daphne?!","And that hits Niles hard. There is a silent pause.","Frasier: Oh, Niles, I am sorry. But I'd like to see you do this while I can still pick you out of a crowd. You know, I've got tickets for the opera tonight. Why don't you ask her to join you?","Niles: Oh, I don't know. [sits down]","Frasier: Come on. Take a cue from me, I'm completely reinventing myself. You know what, [begins stretching his legs] if I can learn a new language, write a bestseller, well then surely you can ask this woman out. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a marathon to train for!","Frasier gets caught on the console and falls down behind the sofa. Niles and Martin rush to his aid.","Martin: Are you all right, Fras?","Frasier: I'm fine.","Martin: What happened?","Niles: Well, I think he tripped on one of these baskets.","Martin: Did you break anything?","Frasier: I don't think so.","Martin: Because, if you broke it, there's no point sending this one back either.","Martin takes another basket from the floor and heads to his chair whilst opening it. Niles tends to Frasier.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier enters through the front door. He is hobbling with his new cane. Then Martin enters with his old cane. They look at each other. Frasier has become his father.","Frasier: Oh, dear God.","Martin: [laughs] Look at you. They gave you a sweet one. All shiny and with no scuffs. Still has that new cane smell.","Frasier: Play your cards right, I might let you take it for a spin around the lobby.","Martin: Well, what they say?","Frasier: Oh, just a little sprain. It's gonna take a couple of weeks.","The two sit down at the table. Frasier boots up his laptop.","Frasier: I guess I'm going to have to rethink my life's plan a bit.","Martin: Oh, you're gonna be doing all this stuff?","Frasier: Well, of course, Dad, why wouldn't I?","Martin: Oh, I don't know. It just seems all so complicated. The first one you tried was kind of a bust.","Frasier: Yes, well you know, I've just got to scale things back a little bit. Set my sights on more attainable goals. For","instance, here: \"Visit South America.\" That's in. \"Discover the lost treasure of the Incas.\" That's out. [deletes it] \"Take up rafting.\" That's in. \"Retrace Lewis and Clarke's Route.\" That's out. And all this perpetual motion stuff, all this can go. [deletes it]","The doorbell sounds.","Frasier: Daphne!","Martin: Oh no, she's out for the whole evening. You're gonna have to get it yourself.","Frasier: Oh, all right.","Frasier slowly hobbles to do so.","Martin: Let's see how that thing handles the corners. Come on, open her up!","Frasier races to the door to find Niles and Mel dressed for an evening out.","Niles: Hello Frasier, I'd like you to meet Dr. Mel Karnofsky.","Frasier: [to Mel] Well, I can't tell you what a pleasure this is.","Niles: I believe you have some opera tickets for us.","Frasier: Yes, I do. [fetches them]","Niles: Oh, Mel, this is my father, Martin. [Martin stands]","Martin greets Mel. Frasier hands them the tickets.","Mel: Thank you. We're very grateful for this. Niles and I happen to be such huge fans of Puccini.","Martin: [as Eddie enters] Speaking of which, here is our own little \"Pooch-ini\"!","Mel greets Eddie as he licks her. Mel seems to enjoy it and pets him. However when she stands up the hair brush comes up as Niles wipes her ear with a tissue. Martin and Frasier give each other a look.","Frasier: So, where are you two having dinner?","Mel: Bel Canto, we have a table on the terrace.","Frasier: Terrace? Well, I didn't know they had a terrace.","Mel: Really? Well I guess you have to know the owner. But, we better be going. I've pre-ordered our chocolate souffl\u00e9s and they'll be ready at seven-thirty precisely.","Frasier: Well, off you go then. Just remember, Niles, nothing puts on love handles faster than chocolate souffl\u00e9.","Mel: Oh well, you know, no one takes them off faster than I do.","[laughs]","Frasier: Very funny, lovely meeting you.","Mel and Niles exits as Frasier closes the door.","Frasier: Well, she seems a bit much.","Martin: What do you mean?","Frasier: Well, picking the restaurant, dining on the terrace, you have to know the owner. Doesn't she remind you of someone?","Martin: Yeah, you!","Frasier: I was talking about Maris.","Martin: Oh, come on, don't you think you're overreacting a little bit? I mean, Niles sure seems happy.","Frasier: Yes, you're right, Dad. In fact, I've got a lot to accomplish this evening. [sits on sofa] Tonight, I'm going to start on my Russian language tapes.","Martin laughs.","Frasier: What is it, Dad?","Martin: What? Nothing.","Frasier: What, don't you think I can do any of these things?","Martin: No, I think you can do anything you put your mind to, Frasier, you always have.","Frasier: Thank you, Dad.","Martin: I just wonder about all these projects.","Frasier: Well, as I said, I am streamlining.","Martin: You know, I think what you discovered this week was that something's missing from your life. And before you start to fill it up with everything but the kitchen sink, I thought you ought to just ask yourself, \"what do I really want? What is really going to make me happy... now?\"","Pause.","Martin: Well, that's weird. I suddenly feel like having a beer.","Martin gets up and exits to the kitchen, joyfully waving one of the meat logs from the Hickory Farms basket. Frasier makes a decision. He stands up, punches a hole in one of the condolence baskets and takes a bottle of champagne from it. He heads out into the corridor, goes next door and knocks.","Frasier: Regan, it's me, Frasier!","END OF ACT TWO","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frasier's Apartment - Niles is seated on the couch, leafing through a magazine. Martin walks behind him, reaches down and taps Niles's forehead with his finger. Niles does not react.","Martin removes a bow from one of the gift baskets, placing it in the middle of Niles's once-again numb forehead. Niles senses something and scratches his ear, but the bow remains. As Martin sits down Niles glances at his watch and realizes he has to leave. He goes out the door with the bow still firmly in place as Martin waves smugly from his recliner."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"07x08","Episode Title":"The Late Dr. Crane","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_09x09.json","Recap":["Frasier and Roz are interviewing candidates for an internship at KACL . Kirby Gardner appears unexpectedly, and Frasier is worried when Kenny seems to favour him for the job. He has a quiet word in Kirby's ear, pretending that he has not been offered the job, but promises to find him another position. Soon afterwards, learning that Niles has acquired a case of Ch\u00e2teau Haut-Brion that he refuses to share, Frasier suggests his brother employ Kirby to help rearrange his library, as a form of revenge. Niles does so, and is horrified at the chaos that ensues. However, he then learns that Kirby knows the grand-daughter of the reclusive William Mulvehill, the owner of an impressive wine collection. He persuades Kirby to call on his behalf, and he discovers that Mulvehill will allow one visitor to the wine cellar. Frasier soon finds out about this, and the brothers subsequently compete at doing favors for Kirby, in the hope of being selected as that visitor."],"Transcript":["Skyline: A yellow sun rises over the city.","ACT 1","Scene 1 - Radio Station. Frasier is speaking to an internship applicant named Lucius. He is an intellectual, geeky-looking, lanky Poindexter type. Roz is also present.","Frasier: Well, I'll have to run this by the station manager, of course, Lucius, but barring any unforeseen circumstances, I believe the internship will be yours. [He shakes Lucius's hand.]","Lucius: [sucking up] That would be wonderful. But just meeting the preeminent radio psychologist of this era has been a most thrilling experience.","Frasier: [flattered, chuckling] Well...","Lucius exits. Frasier closes the door.","Frasier: So, Roz, what do you think?","Roz: I think he's a pretentious, arrogant toady.","Frasier: I love him, too! Just think of it Roz - a triple major at Harvard University. Why, he even plays the samisen! [Roz looks puzzled.] Come on, Roz, the samisen. [Roz is still clueless.] It's a Japanese guitar-like instrument whose strings are plucked with a spatula. Hmm?","Roz: I can hardly wait for the intern talent show.","Frasier: Oh, I'm so excited, Roz. At last, I'll have a superior mind I can mold.","At this point, Kirby Gardner, whom we last saw in \"Don Juan in Hell,\" appears at the window. Kirby is best known to us as the son of Lana. Frasier tutored him in exchange for Lana setting him up with the now-departed Claire French.","Roz: Speaking of mold, what is he doing here? Are you still tutoring him?","Frasier: Oh, God forbid! [Kirby enters.] Kirby!","Kirby: Hey, Dr. Crane!","Frasier: Hello!","Kirby: [flirtatiously] Hello, Roz! What have you been doing since I took you to my prom?","Roz: Mostly showering.","Frasier: So, what brings you here, Kirby?","Kirby: I heard your radio station's looking for an intern.","Frasier: [panicking] Radio station's looking for an intern... you say?","Kirby: I was hoping you could hook me up. [flirtatiously] Just think, Roz, with me working here, we'll be together like, 24\/7 five days a week.","Roz: [looking somewhat disturbed] Okay. [She exits.]","Kirby: [taking out a folded paper] I was hoping you could go over my resum\u00e9.","Frasier: Oh, well, uh, all right, Kirby. Uh... although I must tell you that the station manager has final say in these matters.","[He takes the resum\u00e9 and sits down.]","Kirby: I fudged a little bit on my job history.","Frasier: [irritated] So you never actually worked at NASA?","Kirby: Or Burger King. [laughs]","Kenny enters.","Kenny: Oh, hey, Doc. Oh, is this one of the intern candidates?","Frasier: Uh, well...","Kenny: Kenny Daly. I'm the station manager. [He shakes Kirby's hand.]","Kirby: Pleased to meet you. I'm so stoked to get this job.","Kenny: I like that in a candidate, Doc - he looks hungry.","Kirby: That's amazing, dude. 'Cause I-I am kind of hungry.","Kenny: There's a vending machine right out there. [Kirby exits.] Hey, I love this guy! He's a breath of fresh air. Unlike all these Ivy League snobs you've been prancing around all day. [He exits.]","Roz: [opening the door from the sound booth] You're not really thinking of hiring Kirby, are you?","Frasier: Of course not, Roz. I've got my heart set on Lucius.","Roz: Me too, he plays the samisen!","Frasier: Just... all right. [He exits the booth. To Kirby] Uh, Kirby... listen, I'm terribly sorry about what just happened.","Kirby: What?","Frasier: You see, whenever Kenny sends someone out to the candy machine, it's a signal that that person won't be around anymore. [playing it up] We call it the \"Hershey's Kiss-Off.\"","Kirby: Oh, man, I really want to get this job. So I can move in with Scoogy and Fat Tyler. You know, live like an adult for once in my life.","Frasier: Yes, well, I-I am terribly sorry.","Kirby: It's not your fault. You did everything you could, right?","Frasier: Well... yes. You know, I'll tell you what. Um... I will keep my ears open for-for any opportunities, all right?","Kirby: That would be great, Dr. Crane. Something in law enforcement would be awesome.","Frasier: [looking at the resum\u00e9] Yes, well... that shouldn't be too difficult, considering you were trained... by the F.B.O.","He points out the mistake. They part. FADE OUT.","Scene 2 - Frasier's apartment. Daphne is seated at the table, and Martin is in his chair. He is wearing an electronic blood pressure cuff, which he begins to remove.","Daphne: Leave it, Old Man!","Martin: It's bugging me. I do not have high blood pressure, and it looks ridiculous.","Daphne: I think it looks handsome. Like those armbands gladiators wore, only inflatable.","Frasier enters.","Frasier: Ah, Daphne, Dad.","Martin: Hey, Frasier.","Frasier: Say, how was the doctor's?","Martin: It stunk.","Daphne: Mr. Crane's pressure read a little high, so Dr. Stewart insisted he wear this monitor for 48 hours.","Frasier: [hanging his coat] Well that's troubling.","Daphne: Oh, don't worry, it's just a precaution. It takes his pressure at random intervals and sends the information right to a computer in the doctor's office. It's very clever.","Martin: It's not clever. It's an invasion of my privacy. Plus, they got me on that damn \"Heart Smart\" diet. Two days of salt and fat - gone! You don't get that back.","Daphne: Well, stay calm, or you'll be on it forever.","Martin: [increasingly irritated] How can I stay calm? I'm just sitting here expecting this thing to go off any second. I'm afraid to move. It's like I'm a prisoner. You know, that's just like doctors, isn't it? They're always finding some new way to torture you. Well, maybe I want my blood pressure to be high. Did they ever think of that? I mean, what...","At this point, the height of Martin's anger, the cuff gives off a beep and begins to inflate. Martin is troubled by this.","Martin: There it goes! You sneaky b*st*rd! Daphne rolls her eyes.","Frasier: [sitting] Dad, you know, here's a suggestion, if I may. Um... the next time you feel yourself getting annoyed, take a deep breath and then picture your anger as a red balloon drifting higher and higher above the clouds till it disappears.","[makes a gesture to illustrate.]","Martin: And that will get me back on nachos? Well, I better get ready for work. [rises]","Frasier: Right.","Martin: Daph, did you get my shirt back from the cleaners?","Daphne: It's in your room. I laundered it myself. There's no sense paying for dry-cleaning a work shirt.","Martin: [upset] Well, yes there is! I told you, they make us buy them ourselves. They cost a lot of money, you know. And I have to go all the way down to the uniform supply house and you can't park there because of all the construction that's... [the cuff beeps and inflates again] No! No! No! No, wait! Wait! [very agitated, gives up] Damn it all to hell!","He goes to his room. We see that Daphne is doing her nails.","Daphne: Oh, you have some messages, Dr. Crane. A Kirby called at 4:00, then again at 4:20 and 4:45. It was upsetting your father, so I turned the ringer off.","Frasier: Oh dear, I promised him I'd help him find a job in some field for which he's qualified. And with the proliferation of self- serve gas stations, I'm afraid that narrows the field even further.","Daphne: Why is it your responsibility to help him?","Frasier: Well, the truth is I really didn't do all I could to help him get a job at the radio station. Poor Kirby. You know, maybe I should just turn the ringer back on.","He does, and the phone immediately rings.","Frasier: Well... [He turns it back off.] Maybe after dinner. Niles enters.","Niles: Hello. Hey, Daphne!","Frasier: Oh, Niles.","Daphne: I'll get my things. I'll be just a minute. [She exits.]","Frasier: Oh, uh, care for a quick sherry before you go?","Niles: Oh, thank you.","Frasier: So, how was your weekend?","Niles: Fine, and yours?","Frasier: Good. You know, something curious did happen, though. I was in a cheese shop, and I... ran into Reynolds. [Niles looks apprehensive.] And he told me that he saw several bottles of Chateau Haut Brion '61 at your place. I wasn't aware that you had Brion '61.","He offers Niles, who is now seated on the couch, the sherry.","Niles: Really? Didn't I tell you, I stumbled across a case.","Frasier: Really? That's wonderful news, Niles. It's virtually unattainable. So, how much do I owe you for my half?","Niles: [laughs] That's very funny. Reynolds made that same joke.","[drinks]","Frasier: Niles... we had a deal. Whenever I've found a case of rare wine, I've offered you half.","Niles: I understood that our deal only applied to vintages post Nineteen... Sixty-five.","Frasier: That wasn't part of the agreement.","Niles: Well, I'll have to reread it.","Frasier: It was oral!","Niles: Oh, pity.","Frasier: [angry] This is outrageous! I can't believe you're cutting me out like this.","Niles: [breaking] I'm sorry. I try to be an ethical person, but wine is my weakness, and... this is really too good to share.","Frasier: [unimpressed] I see.","Niles: I will find a way to make it up to you.","Frasier: Why don't you just sell me my half?","Niles: I said I'll find a way to make it up to you. [Frasier shakes his head.] You have my word.","Frasier: Really? Your oral agreements aren't worth the air into which they are uttered!","Daphne enters.","Daphne: Are we ready to go?","Niles: Yeah. [rising] Look, Daphne, I was, uh, I was thinking rather than go to another boring movie [getting his coat] why don't we go back to my place and kick off our shoes and, uh, rearrange my library? [Places Daphne's coat on her.]","Daphne: Are you still doing that? You said you'd be finished by now.","Frasier: [seated, indignant] Yes, he says a lot of things!","Niles: It's a bigger project than I'd anticipated.","Niles and Daphne head for the door.","Daphne: Can't you hire someone to help you?","Niles: And let someone else touch my books? Where would I find someone with your unimpeachable fastidiousness?","He opens the door, and they begin to leave.","Frasier: [rising, getting an idea] Fastidious, you say? Niles, I believe I know just the lad that can help you! Kirby Gardner!","Daphne: Is he that boy who's been calling you all afternoon?","Frasier: Yes, yes, he's very persistent. One of his many fine attributes. You know, I've wanted to hire him myself, but there was nothing available for him at the station.","Niles: I don't know. My books are the one thing I'm fussy about.","Daphne gets a knowing, but loving, grimace on her face at that comment. Frasier also doesn't quite know what to make of it.","Daphne: Oh, please, Niles? [plying him] It'll give us more time together.","Niles: [giving in] Well, if you put it that way. [Frasier begins to chuckle with satisfaction] Wait! If I hire this prot\u00e9g\u00e9 of yours, will that make us even on the wine?","Frasier: [pleased at this good fortune] Niles, you are too crafty for me. [Niles looks as if he has put one over on Frasier.] All right, yes, very well. That will make us even. [They shake hands.] Have a good night, you too!","Niles and Daphne leave. Frasier chuckles in a sinister manner, delighted that he has gotten back at Niles and dealt with the Kirby problem at the same time. FADE OUT.","A MOUNTAIN OUT OF A MULVEHILL","Scene 3 - Niles's Library in his apartment at the Montana.","It is as outrageously resplendent as everything we have seen of the Montana so far. It could pass for a public library in a small city or certainly for a school library. There are books lining shelves on every wall from top to bottom, and there is a sliding ladder that moves along the shelves. There is a complete set of furniture in the center. The middle of the wall separating the upper and lower stacks is decorated with proverbs and quotations, such as one might find at a university library. (This is the first time this set has been used.)","Niles: [as we fade in] How's it going, Kirby? I hope you're not getting lost in the 17th...","Kirby is standing on the ladder looking at an open book. He is eating Chee-tos. He wears headphones and rubber gloves. Niles enters the library and is horrified.","Niles: Oh, my Lord! [He removes a book that has been draped open on a bust.] Kirby!!","Kirby: [removing his headphones, still chewing on Chee-tos] Hey, Dr. Crane.","Niles: What are you doing? You're eating in my library! You're ruining my books!","The books behind Kirby's head are in disarray on the shelves. Niles takes the book and the bag of Chee-tos from Kirby and begins to blow the cheese crumbs off of the book.","Kirby: Relax, bro. I'm wearing the gloves.","As Niles turns on a light, Kirby places his foot on a column between the shelves and shoves off hard, sending the ladder quickly to the other end of the range of shelves. He grabs a soda that he has placed on a shelf there.","Niles: Kirby! Kirby turns, sipping on the soda.","Niles: Come down here. [Kirby places the can back on the shelf and begins to descend.] No, no, bring your can. [He does, and then comes down.] Sit down. [He complies.] Kirby, this is completely unacceptable. I-I just cannot allow this.","We see that the entire library is in chaos. There are books piled on one of the tables and in various other places.","Kirby: Whoa! Are you gonna fire me? [He places the can on an end table. Niles quickly grabs it.]","Niles: Well, I know that you have good intentions. But I'm afraid... [The phone rings.] Excuse me. [He answers it.] Hello? [irritated, to Kirby] It's for you.","Kirby: Could you find out who it is?","Niles: Who's calling please? [to Kirby] It's Kristi Mulvehill.","Kirby: Tell her I'll call her back. [chuckles]","Niles: He'll call you back. [hangs up] Kirby... your friend Kristi - she's not related to William Mulvehill? [He sits down.]","Kirby: Yeah, that's her grandfather. So weird how all you old dudes all know each other.","Niles: Well, I-I don't actually know him, just know of him and his [breathes] wine collection.","Kirby: Wine collection. It's famous among the old dudes.","Niles: Legendary, except he's so reclusive! No one gets to see it. Frasier and I have tried everything but sealing ourselves in casks and rolling in.","Kirby: Really? I go there a lot.","Niles: [extremely envious] You've been to the Mulvehill wine cellar? Have you seen the bottle that was owned by Thomas Jefferson?","Kirby: Well, I'm usually with Kristi so, uh, I'm looking at the jugs, not the bottles, if you know what I mean. [chuckles gleefully]","Niles: [joining in Kirby's chuckle] Oh, you! [He hands back Kirby's soda.] You know... [clears throat] it would be quite a thrill for a wine connoisseur like me to meet William Mulvehill. Do you think you could... get me in?","Kirby: I bet Kristi could.","Niles: Well, let's just get her on the phone and ask her, shall we?","He runs excitedly to the phone.","Kirby: Well, I would, but... if I were unemployed I'd-I'd just be too depressed to talk to her.","He places the soda on the end table.","Niles: Oh... unemployed, what are you talking about? [He removes the soda from the end table.] That was just a few harsh words spoken in a moment of haste. So the library isn't challenging enough for you, we'll find something more suited to your particular... [hesitates] talents. [He hands Kirby the phone.] Here's the phone.","The doorbell rings. He looks at his watch.","Niles: Oh, that'll be Frasier. Umm... why don't you call from the kitchen?","Niles pulls at one of the book stacks, which moves forward to reveal a secret passageway.","Kirby: Whoa! Do they all do that? [He pulls at the next one.]","Niles: No! No!","He stops Kirby and hands him the soda. Kirby exits and Niles closes the book stack\/door.","Frasier: [in the background] Niles?","Niles: I'll be right there!","Frasier enters.","Frasier: Are you ready to... [observing the chaos in the library] Oh, dear! Is this Kirby's work?","Niles: Mm-hmm.","Frasier: Niles, I owe you an apology.","Niles: No, no. I understand. I had it coming. We're even.","Frasier: Let me help you clean up.","Niles: No, don't be silly. I will be through this in a trice. Just you scoot.","Frasier: Nonsense. Let me help you.","Niles: No, no.","Frasier begins to pick up some books. Niles stops him.","Frasier: Really, Niles, let me do this for you. Kirby enters through the secret passage, interrupting them.","Kirby: Oh, hi. Grampy Mulvehill says only one person can go into the wine cellar.","Niles has fruitlessly tried to stop Kirby as he said the above.","Frasier: [shocked] Grampy Mulvehill? As in William Mulvehill?","Kirby: I told you. Old dudes, they all know each other.","Niles frantically hurries Kirby back through the passageway.","Frasier: I knew something was up. You weren't going to tell me about Mulvehill, were you?","Niles: [with feigned shame] I'm sorry. I have le vin fou.","Frasier: Don't hand me that. That is just a flimsy excuse for your outrageous selfishness, and what's worse is you are actually using that boy!","Niles: Well, you used him to get back at me!","Frasier: As you said, it made us even.","Niles: Oh, I said that to get you out of here. Look at my library! I hope you're happy!","Frasier: Well, I didn't think it would be this bad! I thought the boy could at least put a book on a shelf!","The volume of the argument has steadily increased. Kirby quickly enters through the passageway.","Kirby: I can hear you fighting about me from down the hall. You're right, I don't deserve a job.","Frasier: Kirby, that's not true.","Kirby: It is. Forget it. [slamming the soda can on the table] I'm a hopeless screw-up, just like my priest said!","He exits, clearly upset and hurt.","Frasier: [calling after him] Kirby! Wait!","Niles: What happened? What have we done?","Frasier: Isn't it obvious, Niles. You've hurt his feelings. [Niles reacts to this.] You know, I have a special relationship with Kirby. Maybe I'll just take him out to dinner. Smooth things over.","Niles: Well, I'm perfectly capable of making my own apologies. I'll take him out to dinner.","Frasier: Well, you know, on second thought, I actually did say some rather hurtful things myself.","Niles: I think it's incumbent upon both of us to help repair his damaged self-esteem together.","Frasier: Very well. We'll be two trained therapists working in tandem.","Niles: Yes. To repair the wounded innocent.","Frasier: Yes, yes, that's very high-minded of you, Niles.","They both move to sit down.","Niles: Yes, you too, Frasier.","Frasier: You know, this is an utterly altruistic act, isn't it?","Niles: As utterly as it gets.","Frasier: I think we're of the same mind.","Niles: [brushing his shirt] Oh, I think so, too.","They continue the charade, tapping their chairs with their fingers, as we FADE OUT.","END OF ACT 1","[SCENE_BREAK]","ACT 2","RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE","Scene 4 - Frasier's apartment. Martin is in his chair. Daphne enters with Eddie.","Martin: Where have you been? I'm starving.","Daphne: Sorry, I was walking Eddie. Haven't even been to the market yet.","Martin: Oh, Daph, it's almost six o'clock. How many times do I have to... [stopping himself, staring upward] Red balloon... red balloon... [smiles] It's all right.","Daphne: Well, good for you. And I'll nip out to the market now.","Martin: Oh, don't bother. Let's just open a can of soup.","Frasier enters. Daphne moves toward the kitchen.","Frasier: Well, I'm off.","Daphne: Enjoy your dinner.","Frasier: Thank you.","Martin: Who took the batteries out of my remote?","Frasier: Gosh, I'm sorry, Dad. I needed them for my foot spa. [He finishes putting on his jacket.]","Martin: And you had to take them out of the one thing I need batteries for in this house? God forbid your royal feet go without eucalyptus for...","Frasier: [warning] Dad!","Martin pictures the red balloon again. He smiles.","Martin: That's all right. There's got to be some other way to switch the channels.","Frasier exits.","Daphne: Bye. Well, Mr. Crane, I'll go and open that can of soup.","Martin: Oh, would you turn the game on?","Daphne: Sports? Mmm. Might be a bit too exciting. Why don't we just watch a nice soothing movie?","Martin: [suspicious] Like what?","Daphne: How about \"Message in a Bottle\"?","Martin: Oh, is that one of those movies that takes 45 minutes for anything to happen, and then you're sorry it did?","Daphne: If you don't like that, we could watch \"To Gillian on her 37th Birthday.\"","With a mighty effort, Martin raises his eyes to the ceiling and pictures the red balloon again. He smiles.","Martin: You pick.","Daphne: [excited] Yes.","She runs to the TV. FADE OUT.","Scene 5 - Caf\u00e9 Nervosa. Frasier and Kirby are seated at a table near the door. Niles enters.","Frasier: Niles!","Niles: Well, imagine my surprise seeing the two of you here, [with veiled vexation] when the three of us have reservations for dinner at Le Cigar Volant in half an hour.","Kirby: Hi, Dr. Crane. Dr. Crane invited me here for a before-dinner cocoa.","Niles: Isn't that nice? Frasier, may I have a word?","Niles puts down his briefcase.","Frasier: Yes, of course. Kirby, we'll be right back. They move away from the table.","Frasier: All right, now before you get started - I brought the boy here in order to ease him into this evening. I was afraid that the sight of the two of us might bring up some unpleasant memories.","Niles: I see. So this has nothing to do with you trying to get into Grampy Mulvehill's wine cellar instead of me.","Frasier: The fact that you even said that speaks volumes about you. Now let's get back before the boy starts to think we're talking about him. [They go back to the table.] We're back now!","Niles: Kirby, I just want to tell you how sorry I am for both Frasier and my behavior earlier.","Kirby: It's no problem. I forgave you as soon as I got that DVD player you sent me.","Niles fruitlessly tries to quiet Kirby.","Frasier: Niles, may I see you for a moment? They move again to the spot of their earlier discussion.","Frasier: DVD player?","Niles: OK, you caught me in a selfish moment. I was trying to assuage my guilt for the way I treated him.","Frasier: And you weren't trying to buy Kirby's loyalty so that you and you alone could benefit from your Mulvehill connection, reviving your woefully flagging reputation in the wine community?","Niles: [feigning offense] I categorically deny that!","Frasier: So you did it just to burn me?","Niles: I deny that.","Frasier: But not categorically.","Niles: Frasier, do I have to remind you, this is not about us? It's about Kirby, whom we've abandoned in order to have this petty spat.","They go back to the table.","Frasier: We're back again. [They sit.] So, Kirby, where were we?","Kirby: You were asking me about Grampy's wine cellar.","Niles: [moving to stand] Frasier...","Frasier: [cutting him off] Not now, Niles.","Niles: Fine. I was going to leave this till later, [he reaches down and grabs a box] but Kirby, I saw these and I thought of you.","[He places the box on the table.]","Kirby: No way! [He opens the box and pulls out athletic shoes.] 13's - how'd you know my size?","Niles: Oh, I measured the footprint you left in donut powder on my floor, you rascal. [He grins wickedly at Frasier.]","Kirby: [to Frasier] These are awesome, [hinting] aren't they, Dr. Crane?","Frasier: Oh, yes, indeed they are, Kirby. You know, you're going to need some togs to go with them. I have an account at Bidwell's. What do you say I call them tomorrow and set you up?","Kirby: Wow, thanks. I never had togs before. [Frasier laughs.] You guys are so great, the way you keep trying to build up my self-esteem and all. I wish there was some way I could take you both to the wine cellar, but I can't.","He looks shrewdly from one to the other, knowing that he has them both in the palm of his hand - and suddenly very far from the dim youth they have taken him to be.","Frasier: Niles.","Niles: Frasier.","They stand and move again to the spot of their earlier discussions.","Frasier: Do you believe the nerve of this boy, pitting us against each other?","Niles: Well, we're not going to be manipulated like this.","Frasier: No, we certainly aren't. Let's put a stop to it right now.","They go back to the table.","Frasier: All right, Kirby, I'm afraid your little game is up, and I want to tell you something else...","Niles: [interrupting, reaching into his wallet] A hundred dollars.","Frasier: [countering] Two hundred dollars!","Niles: Three hundred dollars!","Frasier: [getting angry] FIVE hundred dollars!","Niles: [pulling out more money] Kirby, have you ever been to Vegas?","Frasier: [playing his trump card] He can't go to Vegas! He'll be too busy interning at the radio station!","Kirby has collected the money, and he sets it back down after hearing this.","Kirby: No... way! I got the job? Thank you, Dr. Crane! [He shakes Frasier's hand.] You just got yourself a wine tour.","Frasier: [chuckling] Well... and thank you Kirby! Ha, ha!","Kirby collects the money again. Niles, indignant, puts away his wallet.","Kirby: This is so awesome, and I promise, I will not let you down. I'm going to soak up as much as I can from you. I'm going to be like your shadow. You and me, Dr. Crane, from now on! You know, we should probably carpool to work.","Silence. With a look of intense regret, Frasier understands the full weight of the devil's bargain he's made. Niles watches, immensely enjoying the consequences of Frasier's desperate one-upmanship.","Frasier: Niles, could I see you for a moment?","Niles: [smugly] No.","Kirby counts his money. Frasier looks defeated. FADE OUT.","Scene 6 - Frasier's apartment. Daphne is on the couch with Eddie. She and Martin are watching a movie. Both are clearly engrossed, but Martin is trying to hide it.","Daphne: [sobbing] Isn't this the most romantic thing you've ever seen?","Martin: If you say so.","Daphne: There's no greater passion than that between a woman and a ghost.","She sobs again. The telephone rings.","Martin: I'll get it.","He rises to answer it. As he moves to the phone and it continues to ring, he looks back toward the screen. He answers the phone.","Martin: Hello? [He glances back again. He lowers his voice.] Oh, um, yeah. Really? [He glances yet again; still speaking soft enough so that Daphne can't hear him.] I don't have to wear it anymore? That's great! [He glances back.] Yeah, thanks, Dr. Stewart.","He glances as he hangs up. Keeping his eye fixed to the screen, he moves back to his chair.","Daphne: Who was that?","Martin: Dr. Stewart.","Daphne: Are you all right?","Martin: I'm fine.","Daphne: I suppose you want me to put the game on, then.","Martin: Well, uh, actually, he said there was a bit of a foul-up with the computer and, uh, maybe I should wear it for a couple more hours.","Daphne: [still sobbing] Well, that's too bad. Do you want me to rewind?","Martin: [quickly, slightly irritated] If you're going to keep talking!","Daphne looks at him knowingly and grins. FADE OUT.","END OF ACT 2","[SCENE_BREAK]","Niles's library. Lucius, having meticulously placed Niles's books in order, climbs down the ladder. He asks for Niles's approval, who is sitting reading a book and drinking a glass of wine. Niles nods. Lucius takes his samisen, sits, and begins to play. Niles apparently finds the samisen music soothing. He continues to read and sip, looking quite content."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"09x09","Episode Title":"Sharing Kirby","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_09x17.json","Recap":["Niles, Daphne and Roz feel sorry for Frasier when he tells them that he will be attending an art exhibition alone one evening. They realise that he has not had a proper relationship since Claire, and conspire to see if they can find suitable women for him to date. Niles suggests a former patient of his, Lisa, who has several interests in common with Frasier. He tries to engineer circumstances in which they could meet by chance, taking Frasier along to the bookstore which she owns, but without success. Roz then brings an artistic friend of hers called Suzanna to dinner at Frasier's apartment, but she and Frasier have a disagreement over the work of Benjamin Locklear. Finally, Martin puts Frasier in touch with a young woman called Kris, whom Frasier finds very attractive, but during their pre-dinner drinks at her favourite bar she starts playing pool with some friends and her attention disappears from Frasier almost completely. It is only when she sends him next door to get some change that his fortunes begin to improve."],"Transcript":["Skyline: Red, yellow, and blue balloons rise over the buildings.","ACT 1","[Scene 1 - Frasier's apartment. Daphne is answering the door to Roz. Niles is seated on the couch.]","Roz: Hey, Daphne!","Daphne: Hey, Roz.","Roz: Hey, Niles.","Niles: Come on in.","Roz: Is Frasier here? I need him to approve the latest version of his bio.","Niles: [taking it from Roz] Why does he keep updating his bio? What's changed in the last few years. [reading] Oh, his date of birth! He's now four years younger than I am.","Daphne: Well, that's silly. Does everyone fake their age in radio?","Roz: [with anxiety] No! [Daphne chuckles.]","Daphne: Oh, Roz, sit down. I'm glad you're here. There's something we want to ask you. [Roz sits between Daphne and Niles.] When Niles and I get married, it would make us very happy if you would serve as maid of honor.","Roz: [flattered] Really? I'm so touched. I don't know what to say. Well, of course, of course I'll do it. [She embraces Daphne.]","Niles: Now, uh, set aside September 1st.","Roz: Oh, is that Labor Day weekend?","Niles: Yeah, is that a problem.","Roz: Well, there's this picnic that I always go to, and I make the potato salad. [Daphne and Niles look bemused and slightly hurt during this speech.] What am I saying? Your wedding is more important than potato salad or any salad! [She and Daphne embrace again.]","Daphne: Then it's settled!","Roz: I'll make the potato salad the night before, and then I'll get someone...[off Niles's look] I'll figure it out.","[N.B. In fact, Jane Leeves was a bridesmaid at Peri Gilpin's wedding to her husband, artist Christian Vincent.]","[Frasier enters.]","Frasier: Hello, all!","Roz: Hi!","Niles: Well, look who's here, it's my little brother Frasier!","Roz: I brought your bio.","Frasier: [hanging his coat] Oh, yes, well I'll have to deal with that tomorrow, Roz, I've got to be across town in half an hour. I'm previewing a new Benjamin Locklear exhibit and then I'm having dinner with the artist afterward. Promises to be a very exciting evening!","Daphne: And what lucky lady are you sharing it with?","Frasier: Well, I'm going alone.","Daphne: Oh, I'm sorry.","Frasier: Well, don't be. Truth is, I'm a pretty terrific date. I know when to arrive, I know when to call it a night, and frankly, I always leave myself wanting more. [He exits, smiling.]","Daphne: Oh, it's too bad Dr. Crane doesn't have anyone to share these things with.","Roz: I know. When was the last time he seriously dated anyone?","Daphne: Well, that would be Claire, but that was months ago.","Roz: We should set him up with someone.","Niles: Well, it seems to me he's choosing not to date.","Daphne: [ignoring him] I have this friend at yoga he might like.","Roz: No, she sounds flaky. I have the perfect person for him!","Niles: You know, he's always been completely capable of meeting people on his own.","Daphne: [again ignoring him] No, we should go with my person first. You don't have the best track record.","Roz: Me? Whenever you've set me up with guys, I knew they were losers the second I saw them. They turned out to be bad in bed, too.","Daphne: Well, there's no reason why we both can't try to set him up with someone.","Roz: Okay, but we have to find someone who's gorgeous, sexy, and smart.","[Martin enters.]","Martin: Smart's good, but I'm not a fanatic about it. [He moves to sit in his chair.]","Daphne: It's not for you, it's for Dr. Crane.","Niles: Yes, even though he's expressed no dissatisfaction with his love life whatsoever, these two have decided to make it their mission to find him a mate.","Martin: It's not a bad idea. It's been a long time since Frasier was excited about someone. I kind of miss that spring in his step, you know. The nervous energy he gets where every first date might be \"the one.\" The electricity of that 30-point self-inspection before he rolls out of the showroom.","Niles: But he says he's happy!","Daphne: Isn't that what you would have said too before your brother helped bring us together?","Niles: That's my point exactly, let's start calling babes!","[They all react. Fade out.]","[Scene 2 - Frasier's apartment. Daphne and Niles are sitting at the dining table. Daphne is looking in her datebook.]","Daphne: What about Caroline? She'd get along great with your brother!","Niles: Is she the one missing a tooth?","Daphne: She had it replaced. That dental school did a good job too. You can only tell it's fake under a black light. [Niles glares. She turns to another page.] What about Jennifer? She's pretty, smart, she has those perky breasts...","Niles: I wouldn't call them perky so much as, uh...[stopping himself] I don't remember Jennifer. [faking an attempt to recollect and then giving it up] Well, besides, didn't Frasier already go out with her?","Daphne: Oh, you're right. Well, that's everyone I know. Oh, it's too bad. I was hoping we could help.","Niles: [reflecting] There is this one woman I know--Lisa. She'd be great. They share a lot of interests. She even owns a bookstore.","Daphne: You've been holding out on me!","Niles: Well, she's a former patient, so that's kind of an ethical gray area. I'm not sure I'm comfortable setting her up with Frasier.","Daphne: What if she didn't know you were setting her up? You could point her out to me and then I could strike up a friendship! We could go out for coffee, see movies, tell each other everything. [moving to the kitchen] Maybe I was a little hasty making Roz my maid of honor.","Niles: [following her to the kitchen] As soon as she finds out you're my fianc\u00e9e, well...there's my ethical dilemma again.","Daphne: Well, what if they just happened to meet by themselves?","Niles: Like at her bookstore?","Daphne: Exactly.","Niles: Frasier is always going into bookstores. She does own a bookstore. [rationalizing] Over time, it's highly probable he would find himself...in her bookstore. Perhaps I could just place them within range of one another, and I'd just stay out of sight.","Daphne: That'll do. So what does she look like, anyway?","Niles: Oh my God, she's gorgeous! She has these...[sighs and stops himself] I'd have to check my notes.","[Niles exits. Fade out.]","[Scene 3 - Lisa's Bookstore. A customer is exiting. Niles is spying in the window, probably looking to see where Lisa is. Frasier approaches him.]","Niles: Oh, hi, here we are. [They enter the bookstore.]","Frasier: Well, it's a lovely little bookstore, Niles, but I hardly see how it's worth driving all the way across town. Doesn't seem to have much of a selection.","Niles: Well, they don't cater to all tastes, but I'm confident you'll find something to confident your interest.","[On cue, Lisa, the owner, enters from the back carrying a box. She is dark-haired and pretty. Niles ducks into an aisle.]","Niles: Um, Frasier, Frasier. [Frasier approaches him.] Um, Daphne had asked me to provide her with a reading list, you know to broaden her mind.","Frasier: Oh, that's admirable.","Niles: Yeah, and I was thinking of starting with Shakespeare. And, uh, you have such a grasp of his work, I was wondering if you could help me make a selection.","Frasier: Well, of course, although I'm a bit surprised. You always considered yourself the more well-versed.","Niles: Well-versed, yes, but you're the expert.","Frasier: [beaming] I've waited since third grade to hear you say that!","[Frasier goes to the back aisle where Lisa is shelving books. As he enters it, she leaves at the other end and moves to the next aisle toward Niles without Frasier noticing her.]","Frasier: Hmm...","[Niles covers his face with an open book so that Lisa won't see him and walks past her to Frasier.]","Niles: Um, you know, maybe she'd appreciate Shakespeare more if she knew something about him. Perhaps a biography.","Frasier: That's good thinking.","[Frasier walks forward to the next aisle, where Lisa is at the other end. She simultaneously leaves and moves forward again to the next aisle.]","Frasier: Ah.","Niles: [following him] Although, philosophy is the basis of all thought. Any mind-broadening exercise should begin with philosophy.","Frasier: [seeming a bit confused by Niles's behavior] Very well.","[They both move forward. Lisa again leaves just as Frasier enters. He still has not noticed her. She has now moved to the aisle from which Niles had grabbed a book.]","Niles: Or sports.","[Frasier reacts with disbelief. Lisa moves back to the philosophy aisle as Frasier confronts Niles.]","Niles: No, philosophy.","Frasier: You're certain?","Niles: Unquestionably. Go. Go.","[Frasier is looking at books while Lisa is shelving at the other end. Frasier still takes no heed of her. She moves toward Frasier, who moves so that she can pass him. As she does, his back is turned and he is concentrating on the book, so he still really pays her no attention. She shelves books near Frasier. She is concentrating on her shelving while Frasier chuckles with \"Ah's\" about the book he has selected. They briefly face the same direction. They then pass each other in the other direction, again with their backs toward each other. Frasier approaches Niles.]","Frasier: Here we are. Plato's Republic. Can't say I agree with everything in there, but it's a place to start.","[We now see that the book Niles has taken from the sports section is about NASCAR auto racing.]","Niles: Ooh, there's a little tear in the cover. Would you get me another copy?","Frasier: Good heavens, Niles, what am I, your lackey?","Niles: No, no, no, I-I'm just engrossed in this [mispronouncing] \"Heroes of Nahz-KAR.\"","[Niles feigns deep interest. Frasier looks at the book with disbelief and shakes his head.","NB: This is an inside joke. Toward the end of last season, NBC contracted with NASCAR to carry some events. They then began an ad campaign which spoofed another ad campaign (the product is unimportant) featuring an announcer describing the movie You've Got Mail and asking the audience if they had seen it. The ad then showed a rough-looking western type of man and the announcer said \"This guy hasn't seen it.\" NBC's take on it went something like this: \"You know that show Frasier? It has the two brothers who are psychiatrists and they go to operas and sit drinking Lattes. You know that show?\" All the while, the picture showed shots of auto races and pit stops, etc. A NASCAR driver was then shown. The announcer continued: \"It's on the same network as this guy!\" Kelsey was somewhat irritated at the ad, and this joke with Niles mispronouncing \"NASCAR\" is meant as a jab at NBC. This is not the first little stab the writers have taken at \"Junior Agent.\"]","Frasier: Fine.","[He returns to get another copy. As he does, Lisa passes him yet again with his back turned to her and heads toward the back of the store.]","Frasier: Here you go. Pristine condition.","Niles: [defeatedly] Thank you.","Frasier: You know, while we're here, I'd like to try to find a book on the early British monarchy. I've recently read The Isles: A History, and they didn't go into as much detail as I might have liked about the Plantagenets.","Niles: Hmm. [He sees Lisa approaching them.] Well, um, you know, why don't you ask someone here? I found the staff her very knowledgeable.","Frasier: Well, um, yes, all right, all right, I'll be right back.","[In the meantime, Lisa, with her back to Niles and Frasier, has begun giving instructions to a geeky-looking male clerk. As Frasier approaches, Lisa again heads to the back and Frasier confronts the male clerk. Niles is beside himself.]","Frasier: Ah, excuse me. Um, do you happen to have a book on the Plantagenets?","Clark: That's like a banana, right?","Frasier: Never mind. [He returns to Niles.]","Niles: Any luck?","Frasier: Finding dunderheads, yes.","Niles: Oh, well, uh, maybe you should ask someone else.","[Lisa has returned to the front of the store via the other end of the ailes and is in the sports aisle, now behind Frasier and Niles.]","Frasier: All right, um...","[Lisa has now moved to the cash register.]","Lisa: Can I help the next person?","Niles: Or maybe what we should do is just pay for our books and go.","[He hands the books to Frasier. Lisa is helping another customer.]","Frasier: Niles, we just got here! You're acting very strangely.","Niles: No, I'm not.","[As Lisa finishes the customer, Niles ducks behind Frasier to avoid Lisa seeing him.]","Frasier: What the hell is wrong with you?","Niles: Dizzy spell.","Frasier: There's a footstool in the Shakespeare section. Why don't you just go have a seat for a minute?","Niles: I'll be fine, you just pay for the books!","Frasier: Right, yes, of course.","[Niles slinks to the back. A UPS man arrives with another box of books. Lisa notices and helps him.]","Lisa: Clark, can you take over?","Clark: Sure.","[Lisa leaves the register as Frasier approaches, and they again pass each other without any notice. The geeky clerk takes over the register. Lisa accompanies the UPS man to the back.]","Clark: Hello again!","Frasier: Hello.","Clark: So, did you find what you were looking for?","Frasier: Not really, no.","Clark: OK. [He begins to ring up Frasier's books.]","Frasier: Oh, I have Book-Lover's Discount.","Clark: Ah, we don't accept that.","Frasier: Independent Booksellers?","Clark: No.","Frasier: Uh, Bibliophiles? Dewey Decimal Discount? Dust Jacket Gang?","Clark: I'm sorry. We do have our own card. It's $25.","Frasier: $25? For a little card?","Clark: You get 50% off all purchases.","Frasier: [putting away his cards] Very well. How much will I save today?","Clark: The discount starts with your next purchase.","Frasier: What? What kind of a Ponzi scheme are you operating here?","Clark: Store policy. [We see Niles notice Frasier's raised voice with concern. He approaches the register.]","Frasier: I would like to speak with the store owner please.","Niles: [approaching rapidly] Ooh, what's going on?","Frasier: I'm going to give the owner a piece of my mind.","Niles: Ooh, that's all right, that's all right, forget it, I don't want the book.","Frasier: Yes, you do, you're getting the book!","Niles: No, I don't.","Frasier: You're getting the book and a discount!","Clark: Lisa, we have a card challenge at checkout!","Niles: [nervously] No, no, no, challenge withdrawn.","Frasier: Over my protest!","Niles: No, no, look, we're leaving. Everything's OK.","Frasier: All right, all right. [Niles begins to hurry them out.] You know, by the way, you have an alphabetical misfile, but I'm not telling you where!","[Frasier and Niles leave. Clark is a bit ruffled by the confrontation. Lisa does not return. Fade out.]","END OF ACT 1","ACT 2","[SCENE_BREAK]","Bachelorette #2","[Scene 4 - Frasier's apartment. Roz is outside in the hall with a friend whom she means to set up on a blind date with Frasier. The friend, Susanna, an attractive brunette, is carrying a foil-covered pie.]","Roz: I just know the two of you are going to hit it off.","Susanna: I thought you were always complaining he's such a tight-ass.","Roz: Not complaining, bragging, you know? That I work with someone whose got such a tight ass! [She rings the doorbell. Frasier answers.] Frasier! Susanna. Susanna, this is Frasier.","Frasier: Come on in! Roz has told me all about you.","Susanna: She's told me all about you, too.","Frasier: Oh.","Susanna: I thought since you were making dinner, I'd add a little contribution of my own. It's nothing special, just a key lime pie.","Roz: [exuberantly] \"Nothing special!\" She made the whole thing herself from scratch! The crust, the meringue--she even baked it in a pie plate she fired in her own home kiln!","Susanna: [downplaying Roz's compliments] In my spare time, I use my power of invisibility to fight crime.","[Frasier laughs.]","Roz: Am I overselling this a little?","Frasier: Just a bit, yes, Roz. Um, I'll just go put this in the kitchen. Why don't you ladies make yourselves comfortable?","[Susanna approvingly observes Frasier's rear as he heads to the kitchen. Roz smiles encouragingly. They both crane their necks to keep the view as he moves deeper into the kitchen. Frasier returns with a bottle.]","Frasier: Would anyone care for some wine?","Susanna: Thank you, sure!","Roz: Frasier knows pretty much everything there is to know about wine. [exuberantly, selling again] Tell us some things about wine, Frasier!","Frasier: [teasing Roz] Sometimes you have to know when to put a cork in it. [He pours the glasses.] So Roz, where's Roger?","Roz: I don't know. I'll call him and see what's holding him up. [strongly encouraging] You know, Susanna, now would be a good time to show Frasier your portfolio. [She sits on the arm of the couch and puts her arm around Susanna.] Susanna's an artist. She even has a gallery that shows her paintings exclusively!","Susanna: [feigning embarassment but clearly pleased with Roz's praise] It's not so much a gallery as a restaurant-slash-bowling alley.","[Frasier chuckles and grins widely.]","Roz: [placing both hands on Susanna's shoulders and hugging her with admiration; with great exuberance] She's a hell of a bowler too! Someone better snatch her up before she joins a league and there go her Saturday nights! [She has given Susanna's shoulders several enthusiastic shakes during this speech.]","Frasier: Roz, go make your call, all right?","[Roz exits, slightly embarassed at her effusiveness.]","Frasier: [handing Susanna a glass] Here we are.","Susanna: Thank you. I don't usually travel with my portfolio, but she made me bring it.","Frasier: I'm glad she did. I actually fancy myself a bit of collector. I'd love to see it.","Susanna: Oh, all right, but be gentle!","Frasier: Of course.","[She opens her portfolio as Frasier moves to her side.]","Frasier: [observing] Oh, boy. Well that is interesting, it's quite remarkable, really!","Susanna: Thanks, the original's hanging over the shoe rental.","Frasier: Wonderful texture...and these blues...so much sadness.","Susanna: [flattered] Most people don't get that.","Frasier: Yes, and your elongated figures are actually reminiscent of Modigliani.","Susanna: That's interesting. I used to love Modigliani as a girl. Maybe I was subconsciously influenced by him.","Frasier: Quite possibly, yes. I see you're also a fan of Benjamin Locklear.","Susanna: [suddenly taken aback and defensive] What?","Frasier: Benjamin Locklear. He has a show...","Susanna: [abruptly and nervously interrupting] I know who he is! His stuff isn't anything like mine!","Frasier: Well, maybe you haven't seen his latest work. You see, I was just in attendance at his most recent opening. I purchased a fantastic piece myself. [He rises and goes to a side table, from which he retrieves a polaroid.] Here, let me show you. Hmm?","Susanna: [taking the picture and rising] Oh, my God!","Frasier: Yes, it's magnificent, isn't it. You know, I'm thinking of putting it in my bedroom to set off the duvet.","Susanna: That hack ripped me off!","Frasier: [shocked] That's quite an accusation.","Susanna: The guy is a thief. Everyone in the art community knows it.","Frasier: [defensively] I consider myself a member of the art community. All I've heard is good things...","Susanna: [with increasing agitation] Oh puh-leeze! The guy steals from lesser-known artists and markets himself to suckers with more money than taste!","[Frasier is obviously deeply offended. She stops herself, realizing that she has become carried away. Frasier rises.]","Frasier: [calmly, taking the picture] You know what. You're right. Maybe he did copy you. [instantly venomous, with great disdain] Maybe he got his inspiration one evening when he was out bowling a few frames! [He returns the picture to the side-table drawer.]","Susanna: I do not need to be insulted by someone who buys art because it matches his bedspread!","Frasier: It's a duvet and you're delusional!","Susanna: Dilettante!","Frasier: Forger!","Susanna: Man who uses the word \"duvet!!\" [She marches toward the door with her portfolio.]","[Roz re-enters.]","Roz: Hey, guys! How's it going?","Frasier: She is crazy! That's how it's going.","Susanna: And for your information, Benjamin Locklear is as overrated as your ass! [She exits in a huff.]","Frasier: What the hell was that supposed to mean?","Roz: [exiting hurriedly] I have no idea. Have a nice weekend.","[Martin enters.]","Martin: What's going on out here?","Frasier: I let Roz set me up on a blind date with one of her friends.","Martin: Ah, big waste of time, huh?","Frasier: Well, there's pie.","Martin: Homemade?","Frasier: Yeah.","Martin: Cherry?","Frasier: Key Lime.","Martin: [excitedly] I can live with that!","[They go to the kitchen.]","Martin: Sorry, son, tough break. [observing the pie] Ooh, I bet it's got a lard crust! Ooh!","Frasier: I brought you a fork, Dad.","Martin: Thanks!","Frasier: I wish I'd never let Roz set me up on that date.","[They begin to attack the pie.]","Martin: Well, you can't hit the ball unless you take a swing. Oh!-- Now, there's this gal in the building where I work...","Frasier: [interrupting] Dad, Dad. You're not proposing another blind date?","Martin: Now, she's a beautiful young lawyer, and she couldn't be nicer.","Frasier: I am not interested.","Martin: Now, don't say that. You've got to see her!","Frasier: Dad...","Martin: Frasier, listen to me. [suggestively] You've got to see her!","Frasier: [giving in] A young lawyer, you say?","[Martin laughs. They continue to devour the Key Lime pie. Fade out.]","[Scene 5 - A bar\/pool hall. Frasier and Martin's co-worker, Kris, a young blonde, are sitting at the bar.]","Kris: Thanks for meeting me here.","Frasier: Sure.","Kris: I thought it would be nice to have a drink before dinner.","Frasier: You know, I don't think I've ever really been here before, but it does have a nice sort of neighborhood feel to it.","Kris: It is my favorite place.","Frasier: Ah. So my dad tells me that you're a lawyer.","Kris: Actually, I'm a legal secretary. But I'm planning to go to law school next fall.","Frasier: Oh. Well, that's admirable. [The bartender hands him a drink.] Thank you. Of course, you know, paradoxically, you'll have to pass the bar if you expect to pass the bar.","Kris: [laughing] You're so funny!","[A man enters.]","Clint: Hey, Kris.","Kris: Hey, Clint.","Clint: Nice to see you. Hey, that's a great sweater.","Kris: Oh, thank you!","Frasier: [a bit uncomfortable] So, uh, what did my dad tell you about me?","Kris: Oh, he talks about you all the time.","Frasier: Really?","Kris: Yes, he's very proud of you. But what he didn't tell me is how good-looking you are.","Frasier: [flattered] Well, thank you.","[The bartender gives Kris a drink.]","Bartender: Compliments of the gentleman in the Hawaiian shirt.","Kris: Thanks, Graham! [She waves. Graham waves back.]","Frasier: [again uncomfortable] So you, uh, you know him?","Kris: [laughing] Oh, you know...","[Frasier clearly doesn't know and is at a loss. Another man approaches the bar and addresses Kris.]","Jason: Hey, you!","Kris: Hey!","Jason: Wouldn't mind stopping and smelling those roses! [He refers to Kris's shirt, which is decorated with white flowers.]","Kris: Oh, you are so funny!","[Frasier again has an uncomfortable reaction. Kris and Jason are now sitting at the bar with Frasier standing like a potted plant between them.]","Kris: Jason, this is Frasier. Frasier, Jason.","Frasier: [shaking his hand] Nice to meet you.","Jason: [to Kris] So you owe me a pool game!","Kris: Another time.","Jason: Oh, sounds like somebody's scared!","Kris: Yeah, you! Scared of getting your ass kicked.","Jason: Uh-huh.","Kris: But it'll have to be another time. I'm on a date.","Jason: Frasier doesn't mind. You don't mind, do you?","Frasier: [looking at his watch] Well, uh, actually...","Jason: Thanks, champ.","Kris: I'll be right back!","[They leave Frasier standing there and go to the pool table.]","Jason: Mind if I break?","Kris: Sure, go ahead.","[Jason breaks.]","Kris: Looks like you're stripes!","Jason: [flirtatiously] And you are definitely solid.","Kris: [flirting back] Shut up!","Graham: I got next game!","Clint: I'm after Graham! [He stands next to Frasier.]","Frasier: So, uh, how do you know Kris?","Clint: Oh, you know...","Frasier: No, I really don't!","[Another man now stands on the other side of Frasier.]","Harry: I got her next! Oh, Kris. I got my car checked out. You were right. It was the transmission.","Kris: [taking a pool shot] Then you owe me a pitcher!","Harry: Oh!","[Kris shoots a ball in the corner pocket. The crowd of men reacts with admiring Ooh's and Aah's.]","Frasier: [to Harry] So, you've known Kris a long time.","Harry: Who are you?","Frasier: I'm her date.","[The balls are heard clacking]","Harry: Nice job! She's hot tonight. So who are you?","[Frasier's cell phone rings.]","Frasier: Excuse me.","[He walks back toward the bar and answers his phone.]","Frasier: Hello. Oh, Dad. Yeah...Oh, yeah, she's very pretty, and, uh, and nice. A little too nice, perhaps.","[Kris sinks another shot and high-fives the admiring collection of men.]","[Scene 6. Time fade. Several pool games later. Frasier is sitting at a table, very bored. Kris approaches him, holding a cue stick.]","Kris: Frasier, the table only takes quarters. Would you get some change?","Frasier: You know, Kris, maybe we should cancel our plans for tonight.","Kris: What?! Why?","Frasier: Well, you're having such a good time with your crowd here.","Kris: No, I--I just have to teach this one guy a lesson, and then I'm all yours, I promise.","Frasier: Well, I guess I could ask the bartender for some change.","Kris: Oh, Smitty's too busy. But try next door at the dry cleaner's. Tell them it's for me.","Frasier: Thanks for the tip. [He takes the bill.]","Kris: You are so sweet. [shouting] Isn't Frasier sweet, guys?","[The men shout \"Yeah! Frasier! Sweet!\" in chorus as he exits the bar. Kris excitedly approaches the pool table again.]","[Scene 7 - Quick cut to Frasier's apartment, where Martin, Niles, and Daphne are all seated at the dining table.]","Martin: I thought for sure that Frasier was going to hit it off with Kris. She's really popular in the office!","Daphne: Poor Dr. Crane! I feel like we failed him.","Martin: Well, I'm not ready to throw in the towel. There's this woman at the dog park...","Daphne: [interrupting, to Niles] Well, if you're going to try again, we should try again too.","Niles: Maybe Frasier had the right attitude by leaving it up to fate.","Daphne: There's nothing wrong with lending a helping hand. Maybe we were destined to fix him up with someone.","Niles: [as the voice of wisdom and reason] No, I'm afraid whatever we wanted for Frasier, fate had other plans.","[Scene 8 - Quick cut to the dry cleaner. Frasier enters and approaches the clerk at the counter.]","Frasier: Hi, uh, can you give me change for a dollar.","Andy: No change.","Frasier: It's for Kris.","Andy: Oh, yeah, sure!","[Frasier reacts philosophically. A woman enters. It is none other than Lisa, Niles's former patient from the bookstore. Andy hands Frasier the change.]","Andy: Here you go.","Frasier: Thank you.","[He exits without taking any notice of Lisa, who approaches the counter.]","Andy: Hi, Lisa.","Lisa: Oh, Andy. Can you get out spray paint?","Andy: How did this happen?","Lisa: I was at the new Benjamin Locklear exhibit--and this crazy woman came in and started ranting about how he'd ripped off her work. And then she started spray-painting everything! Actually, I don't know if I should clean it or hold onto it until after she dies. [Andy does not react to the joke.] You know, because art increases in value after the artist...[Andy still does not react.] Think you can get this out?","[Frasier enters again.]","Frasier: Excuse me, you only gave me three quarters and a nickel.","Andy: Huh, I guess I don't have any more quarters left. You want your dollar back?","Lisa: Oh, I might have some change! Let me look.","Frasier: Oh, that's very kind of you.","[She looks in her purse. Frasier does not recognize her at all.]","Lisa: Um, gum, candy. Oh, oh, oh, oh! There you go. [She hands him a quarter.]","Frasier: Thanks. Um, say, uh, don't you have a coat? It's kind of cold outside.","Lisa: [showing him the claim check] I just got spray paint on mine. I wanted to get it cleaned as soon as possible.","Frasier: Did you put seltzer on it?","Lisa: Of course.","Frasier: You know a lot of people mistakenly use...","Both: Lemon juice. [They laugh.]","Lisa: Which never works.","Frasier: No. No, and it attracts bees.","Lisa: I did not know that!","Frasier: Well, I'm not exactly certain that it attracts bees, but, I mean, um, it does make sense, doesn't it?","Lisa: Not really, but you say it with such authority, I bought it.","Frasier: [laughing and smiling] Oh...say, uh, do you play pool?","Lisa: [finding the question strange] No.","Frasier: [beguiled] Neither do I. Hi, my name is Frasier.","[He offers his hand. Lisa takes it.]","Lisa: [equally delighted] Hi!","[They shake hands warmly. Fade Out.]","END OF ACT 2","[Scene Z - End credits. From the dark interior of Lisa's bookstore, we see Lisa unlock the door from outside. She now has her coat back, which must mean that she and Frasier have spent a considerable time together. Frasier and Lisa enter. Frasier walks to a shelf and corrects the alphabetic misfile he had earlier mentioned to Clark. Lisa smiles, apparently appreciative. They walk out of the bookstore together and lock the door.]"],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"09x17","Episode Title":"Three Blind Dates","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_10x07.json","Recap":["Frasier is looking for a new housekeeper, and his high standards and demanding nature make the search particularly difficult. Eventually, he, Martin and Daphne interview a woman named Trish Haney ( Ana Gasteyer ), who arrives very late and thus causes Frasier to worry about how seriously she will take the job. Martin, however, thinks she will be good company for him during the day, so is keen that she be given the job. Frasier is reluctant, but concedes. Unfortunately, his predictions prove to be accurate when Trish repeatedly disappears early from work for no good reason, or misses days altogether. Martin, anxious not to have his mistake known, is compelled to clean the apartment in her place, so that Frasier never realises she is not doing the work. Niles has a persistent toothache, and the dentist has assured him that there is nothing wrong with it. Roz suggests a sinus infection , and although he hopes she is right, Niles also considers the distant possibility that he is experiencing referred pain . Over the next few days, he has several very unlikely experiences, such as winning competitions from bottle tops, flipping a coin that consistently lands tails up, and having his car struck by lightning. He becomes more and more worried by these apparent omens, and eventually decides to consult a doctor, who discovers a serious abnormality in his EKG . Niles says he can clear his schedule and check himself into the hospital the next afternoon, but the doctor insists that he go immediately."],"Transcript":["ACT ONE","Scene One - Caf\u00e9 Nervosa","[SCENE_BREAK]","Roz and Frasier are drinking coffee at a table.","Roz: Well I suppose you looked in the classifieds under \"Housekeepers\"?","Frasier: Check.","Roz: And you asked people in your building...","Frasier: Check.","Roz: And you called the employment agencies?","Frasier: Again, check.","A waiter comes and slaps their check on the table.","Waiter: [snidely] I heard you the first time. He stalks off.","Roz: Who thought it'd be so hard to get to find someone to clean your house?","Frasier: Well, over the years Daphne's managed to scour her way into our hearts, so to speak. And I just don't want to hire someone who's only in it for the money.","Roz: So you want to find someone who's in it for the joy of cleaning?","Gil Chesterton walks over to their table.","[N.B. This is Gil's first appearance after being absent through the whole of Season Nine.]","Gil: Ah, may I?","Frasier: Of course, Gil.","Roz: Take a load off.","He sits.","Gil: Oh, nice outfit, Roz. Somehow you and a peasant blouse just seem to go together.","Roz: [rising] Thanks. Haven't worn it for years. I mean, how long can something stay in the closet?","She leaves.","Frasier: Say, uh, Gil, are you pleased with your housekeeper?","Gil: Oh, you mean Chung?","Frasier: Mm-hmm.","Gil: Oh yes, he's marvelous. He's efficient, he's dependable and he still hasn't figured out American money. Between you and me, I told him when they made Lincoln's picture bigger it was worth more.","Frasier: Very funny. Do you suppose that your Man Friday might be available on a Monday or a Tuesday?","Gil: You want to steal my Chung!","Frasier: No, no. Not steal him, just, just borrow him for a day or two a week until I can re-staff.","Gil: Oh, a dangerous notion, Frasier. You know how employees gossip about their benefactors.","Frasier: Well, I have nothing to hide.","Gil: Yes, but suppose while on your premises he lets something slip about me and Deb and our heart-shaped bed?","Frasier: I would refuse to believe him.","Gil: Did I mention he's a drug mule?","Frasier: Oh, he is not! You're just saying that because you don't want to help me out!","Gil: Oh, such insight. It's a pity more people don't listen to your show.","He gets up and leaves as Frasier sits, fuming.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frasier is escorting an applicant to the door. Martin and Daphne are on chairs.","Frasier: Thank you for coming, Mrs. Wilkins. Of course, we have several other candidates to interview, but I'll be sure to let you know by the twelfth.","She leaves and he closes the door behind her.","Frasier: ...of Never! Honestly, I'm beginning to wonder if we'll ever find anyone that meets our standards.","He sits on the couch.","Martin: You're being too picky. It's just housekeeping, not rocket science.","Daphne: I beg to differ. You don't even know half of what I used to do around here. Like dusting the plant leaves or rotating your underwear.","Martin: Excuse me?","Daphne: Every month I used to throw out your oldest pair and put in two new pairs. Did it ever occur to you that you didn't have to buy underwear in ten years?","Martin: Thought I got hold of a good batch.","Frasier: Now let's see, who is our front runner thus far?","Martin: Oh, I don't know, they're all the same to me.","Frasier: Honestly, Dad, I am starting to get the slightest bit chaffed with your attitude. You haven't even graded any of the candidates, you've simply doodled a war plane dropping bombs on a soldier.","Martin: That's not a soldier.","The doorbell rings and Frasier goes to answer.","Frasier: Well, then why is he wearing a helmet?","Martin: It's not a helmet. It's someone with a big head!","Frasier gives him a dark look. He then opens the door to reveal the next applicant.","Frasier: Yes?","Trish: Hi, I'm Trish Haney, I'm here about the housekeeper job? I'm really sorry I'm late.","Frasier: I had you down for over an hour ago.","Trish: I know. I got stuck in line waiting to buy tickets to the Sonics game this weekend.","Martin perks up at this.","Martin: Really? Come on in!","Trish: I should have guessed everyone and his brother would want to see Vince Carter play.","Martin: Not everybody. Or his brother.","Trish: Wow, this is a beautiful place. Here's my resum\u00e9.","Frasier: Thank you. Won't you be seated. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, this is my father Martin Crane and this is my sister-in-law Daphne Crane. Now, I'll get right to the interview. First question: What is the best way to combat rings on a wooden table?","Trish: Um, I heard you can rub mayonnaise on it.","Frasier: The best way is to provide coasters. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.","Trish: [smiling] Started me out with a trick question. Right.","Martin: So, how do you think the Sonics will defend Carter?","Trish: Um, you have to have someone body up on him and then double team when he gets the ball.","Martin: Thank you.","Daphne: Trish, if the washing machine has a twenty-five minute cycle, and the dryer has a forty minute cycle, what time does the second load have to go in the washer to be done by five o'clock?","Trish: Uh, well, that's sixty-five minutes, so 3:55.","Daphne: You may want to take some time to think about these questions before...","Frasier: Daphne, she's right.","Daphne: [taken aback] Well done.","Martin: Hey, I got a question: Can you clean a house?","Trish: Yes, and if I do say so myself, I'm pretty good.","Martin: Next question: Can you start Monday?","Frasier: [laughing] Well, we're getting just a bit ahead of ourselves. We still have several people to meet.","He rises and leads Trish out.","Frasier: Thank you for coming by.","Trish: Oh, sure. That was the interview, huh? Two questions.","Frasier: Well, it was really more of a pre-screening. We'll be sure to let you know.","Trish: Oh, just to let you know, I'll be out of town until the first.","Frasier: Fine, then I'll be sure to call you the second.","He closes the door after her.","Frasier: ...I lose my mind!","Martin: What? What was wrong with her?","Frasier: In the first place, she showed up late. She doesn't take the interview seriously, how can we expect her to take the job seriously?","Martin: Oh, you just don't like her because she's not all stuffy.","Daphne: She did seem a bit cheeky.","Martin: Which YOU never were.","Frasier: Well, I'm afraid so far our best candidate is the young man from Jeepers Sweepers.","Daphne gets up and starts cleaning the table.","Martin: I will move out if you hire that prancing moron.","Frasier: All right, fine. Who would you hire? This, this Trish, I suppose.","Martin: Well, I was right about Daphne. Doesn't that count for anything? You didn't even want to hire her, you thought she might steal.","Daphne looks up, incensed. Frasier looks guilty.","Daphne: Did you really say that?!","Frasier: Of course not! I don't remember.","He sits back down on the couch.","Martin: Well whoever gets hired is someone I'm gonna have to spend a lot of time with, and I don't need a lot of quiz questions and score sheets to get a feel for someone's character.","Daphne: Did I look like a thief? Was it me shifty eyes?","Martin: Look, if you don't trust my judgment, Frasier, just have the guts to say so.","Frasier: You know, all right, fine. You can hire whoever you want to. You want this Trish, fine, call her.","Martin: Right. I'll call her right now and tell her she's hired.","Daphne: And I'll tell her where you keep your valuables.","Frasier: Oh, would you give it a rest?!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Three - Caf\u00e9 Nervosa","[SCENE_BREAK]","Roz is at a table, ordering, and Niles is just coming in.","Roz: Hey, Niles, have a seat.","Niles: Oh, thank you.","He sits.","Niles: [to waiter] I'll have my usual. Oh no, bottled water, room temperature.","The waiter heads off.","Roz: Gee, slow down, little man, what are we celebrating?","Niles: I can't drink anything that's too hot, I have a toothache.","Roz: Oh. You been to the dentist?","Niles: Yes. He said the tooth is perfectly healthy but I still have this throbbing pain. I think I may have to go to the doctor.","Roz: Oh, it's probably just a sinus infection. Have you had a cold lately?","Niles: Couple of weeks ago, yes, but I'm over it.","Roz: That's probably what it is, a sinus infection. Happens to me all the time.","The waiter brings their drinks.","Niles: In all likelihood, I'm sure you're right. Thank you.","Roz: Of course I'm right. What else could it be?","Niles: Actually a toothache can be referred pain from something else.","Roz: \"Referred pain.\"","Niles: That's right. For example, if I had a heart condition, I might not have pain in my chest, I might have pain in my tooth. You see, referred pain. So while you're probably right about the sinus infection, let's not discount the one in ten thousand chance that it might be something more serious.","He opens his water.","Roz: Oh, now I get it. So the pain in my butt might actually be coming from across the table.","Niles: Something like that, yes. [He glances at the bottle top.] Oh look! I'm the winner of a fanny pack.","Roz: Congratulations.","Niles: Thank you.","Roz: You have no idea what it is, do you?","Niles: Not really, no.","She grabs the bottle.","Roz: Hey, look: it says here the odds of winning it are one in ten thousand. Ooh, spooky. Same odds as that toothache being a heart attack. Maybe it's a sign.","Niles: It's a good sign. By beating those odds once it makes it that much more unlikely that something so improbable can happen to me again.","A woman enters.","Woman: Niles!","Niles gets up, but it is not his wife. The woman crosses over to another table where a young man rises to greet her.","Other Niles: Hello, Daphne. Niles stares at them as they sit, then slowly sits himself.","Niles: Okay, that's weird.","[SCENE_BREAK]","IN STREET JARGON,","HE'S KNOW AS \"THE MARK\"","Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment","[SCENE_BREAK]","Martin is showing Trish around.","Martin: So, that's the grand tour.","Trish: Hard to know where to start. I don't have much time before I have to go.","Martin: What? You leavin' already?","Trish: Yeah, I have this lunch thing. I hope you don't mind.","Martin: Well...","Trish: The problem is, it's this friend that I've been putting off because I've been too busy, but now I finally don't have any excuse. We're gonna try that new rib place down in Bell Town.","Martin: Oh, I hear that's great.","Trish: Yeah, I can bring you back a great big bag of them. But enough chit chat, I've got dishes to do.","Martin: Hold on, can I offer a suggestion?","Trish: You're the boss.","Martin: What Daphne did was put a load of laundry in first and that way you can do two things at once.","Trish: Okay. Although I prefer to do laundry at the end of the day, and that way I can read when the clothes are in the dryer. I mean it's about the only \"me time\" I have on this job.","She heads for the bedrooms. Niles and Daphne come in the front.","Niles: Hey, Dad, ready for breakfast?","Martin: Well, thanks for the invite, but I can't go.","Niles: Well, we didn't invite you. You called us and badgered us until we rearranged our schedule.","Martin: Well, that was before Trish came. I really think I should hang around and show her the ropes.","Daphne: Maybe you should show her where the room freshener is. It smells like stale cigars in here.","She starts picking a few things up.","Martin: Yeah, I had some of the guys in last night for poker. Oh, hey! Niles, check this out. I've got a great new card trick.","He grabs a deck of cards.","Niles: [resigned] Oh, goody.","Martin: Yeah, it's called \"The Amazing Niles.\" Or \"The Amazing...\" whoever you're doing the trick with. Like, if I was doing it with Daphne, it'd be \"The Amazing Daphne.\" Or if I was doing it with Frasier, it'd be...","Niles: \"The Amazing Frasier\", yeah, I get it, Dad.","Martin: Yeah. That's just my patter.","He fans the cards and holds them out.","Martin: Okay, Amazing Niles, I want you to draw the ace of spades out of this deck.","Niles: [humoring him] Ah, something tells me that it's going to be this one right here.","He pulls a card then turns it over to show that it is the ace of spades.","Martin: Ladies and gentlemen, he drew the ace of spades!","Daphne: Amazing, Amazing Niles.","She picks a deck off of the table.","Martin: Isn't that a great trick?","Daphne: Hey, wait a minute. How come this deck only has aces of spades?","Martin: What? No, THIS is the trick...","He run through the cards in his hands, stunned.","Martin: Wait a minute, this isn't the trick deck. Holy cow!","Niles: What?","Martin: You just drew the card I asked you for. What are the odds? I wonder if you can do it again.","He fans the cards out to an increasingly nervous Niles.","Niles: No, no. Only one performance a day. He puts his fingers to his neck to check his pulse.","Daphne: Is something wrong?","Niles: What? No. You know, since we're not going to have breakfast, maybe we should go.","Daphne: All right. That way we can pick up your car from the shop.","Martin: What happened to your car?","Niles: [quietly] Got struck by lightning.","They leave, Trish comes back into the living room.","Trish: Okay, washer's running as we speak. Anything else before I go?","Martin: You're going to lunch now? It's only ten.","Trish: Already? Ugh, I guess the dishes'll have to wait. I've got a couple of errands to run and then I have a hair appointment.","Martin: Trish, I'm a little surprised that you're takin' off like this.","Trish: Yeah. I'm a little surprised too. I thought my first day would be more like orientation, you know? Show me around, explain my duties, and then I start work the next day.","Martin: Why would you think that?","Trish: It's been that way every other place I've worked. And I've had a lot of jobs.","Martin: Well, listen Trish, I kinda went out on a limb for you and I'll never hear the end of it from my son if you let me down.","Trish: Don't worry, you are not gonna regret hiring me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be like the White Tornado. Remember those commercials, the White Tornado? That'll be me, ten o'clock.","Martin: So, you're not comin' back after lunch?","Trish: Oh, trust me, you don't want me cleaning this place drunk. And that reminds me, I don't work Mondays. Gosh, you know, I better get going. If I'm late to this lunch, how's that gonna look?","Martin: Well, what about the laundry?","Trish: Oh, ten o'clock tomorrow. Along with those ribs.","She leaves. Frasier comes in from his room.","Frasier: Well, I hear the washer going. I assume that means our new employee is hard at it.","Martin: Oh, yeah, she's like the White Tornado.","Frasier: Dad, you know your basketball references go right over my head. You know, she's certainly got her work cut out for her, cleaning up this mess you and your buddies made last night.","Martin: Well, you don't have to worry about it, she's all about the work.","Frasier: Listen, Dad, I think I owe you an apology.","Martin: For what?","Frasier: Well, for thinking I was a better judge of people than you are. I just want you to know that I do trust your judgment. Maybe I don't say that often enough. Anyway, I hope you can forgive me.","He heads for the door.","Martin: There's nothing to forgive, Son.","Frasier: Thanks, Dad. I'll see you later.","He leaves. Eddie comes in and jumps on the arm of Martin's chair, a toy in his mouth.","Martin: [getting up] Not now, boy. We've got an apartment to clean.","[SCENE_BREAK]","END OF ACT ONE","[SCENE_BREAK]","ACT TWO","Scene One - Caf\u00e9 Nervosa","[SCENE_BREAK]","Roz is sitting at the window table, reading a magazine. Niles comes in, looking desperate.","Roz: Hi, Niles. How's it goin'?","Niles: I'm as good as dead! [sitting] I've been doing research into","my family health history: my great-uncle Timothy keeled over from a heart attack at my age.","As the waiter walks by, Niles grabs his arm.","Niles: [urgently] Bottled water. Please. The waiter walks off, a disturbed look on his face.","Roz: Are you talking about that tooth again?","Niles: It's still throbbing, thank you! Which means my heart is probably on its last legs.","Roz: Come on, Niles, you said it was a one in a million chance.","Niles: One in ten thousand. And I've been beating those odds all week. I don't believe in omens, but these are getting harder and harder to ignore.","Roz: So are you.","She goes back to her magazine.","Niles: I flipped a coin seventeen times last night and every time it came up tails! I only stopped because I was getting a blister.","The waiter sets his water down.","Niles: Thank you.","Roz: How does Daphne put up with all this?","Niles: I haven't told her about it. Because, unlike you, she'd worry about me.","He opens his water.","Roz: Get your heart checked. And stop obsessing about it.","Niles: I'm going to. In all probability, there's a perfectly reasonable expla...","Glancing at the bottle cap, he drops it and pulls back with a gasp of shock.","Roz: What?","Niles: I won another fanny pack!","He sits frozen as Roz checks the cap.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment","[SCENE_BREAK]","Martin is mopping the floor just inside the front door, the phone pressed to his ear.","Martin: No, I'm not mad at you, Trish, I'm just a little disappointed. Well, yesterday was your neighbor's funeral and today you got the flu. No, I kinda believe you, but you know this apartment doesn't clean itself, so... huh? Okay. Tomorrow, nine sharp. Ten? Okay. I'll see you when you get here.","He hears the key in the lock and quickly puts the mop in the powder room. Frasier comes in, dropping his wet galoshes and struggling with his dripping umbrella.","Frasier: Oh, for God's sake!","Martin: Hey, careful there mister. You're gonna get water all over the clean floor.","Frasier: Well, maybe you can have Trish wax this floor tomorrow.","Martin: She already did. It took her two hours. And it just took you two seconds to mess it up and start complaining.","Frasier: Well I'm not complaining, Dad, but look at these streaks here. It's like she never waxed a floor before.","Martin: All you do is nag, nag, nag! Meanwhile she tried a new fabric softener on your sweater and you didn't even notice!","Frasier: Well, my sweaters are supposed to be dry-cleaned.","Martin: Oh.","Frasier: Oh, and remind me to say something to her about flipping my mattress.","Martin: What the hell are you trying to do, kill her?","Frasier: Easy, easy. Dad, there's no reason to get all riled up. My God, you're actually perspiring.","Martin: Well I just think some people around here don't realize how hard she works.","Frasier: Well, I'll say this much: the place does smell lemony fresh.","He walks off to his room.","Martin: That shows what you know. It's country breeze. He grabs at some papers on the coffee table.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Three - Niles' Apartment","[SCENE_BREAK]","Daphne is straightening up in the living room. Niles comes down the stairs.","Niles: Daphne, I have to go out for a while.","Daphne: All right.","Niles: No place out of the ordinary, just... out.","He comes up behind her to give her a hug or a kiss.","Daphne: Okay. See you later.","She walks away to the other side of the room without looking at him. He gets his jacket. As he puts it on he begins thinking.","Niles: [voice over of thoughts] I can't believe this is happening. After all those misspent years of frustration and yearning, I finally find the fulfillment of my dreams only to have it snatched away. Look at her. She's so beautiful, so perfect. She deserves nothing but happiness. I hope, when I'm gone, she's able to make a life with someone else. After a suitable period of mourning, of course.","He collects his things and reaches for the door.","Daphne: Niles?","Niles: [emotionally] Yes, my love?","Daphne: [firmly] WHEN are you going to change the paper in the bottom of the bird cage, hmm? I've asked you three times already.","Niles: Soon as I get back.","She heads off.","Niles: [v.o.] Maybe when I'm gone, Her Majesty can muck out her own birdcage.","He leaves.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment","[SCENE_BREAK]","Martin is in the kitchen, polishing the silverware and talking on the phone.","Martin: Hey, Fras, sorry to bother ya. Trish was wondering where you keep the silver polish. Right, I told her about that tarnish on your shrimp fork.","Reset to: the living room as he comes in.","Martin: She suggested a place you could keep it where the air won't get to it.","Frasier comes in the front, on his cell phone.","Frasier: Really. Perhaps she and I could have a discussion about that.","Martin: What are you doin' here?","Frasier: Well, my lunch cancelled, I thought I might drop by, see if you might like to join me for a bite.","Martin: Oh, sure, love to. Let me get my coat.","Frasier: Right, I'll just tell Trish that we're leaving. Where is she?","Martin: Oh, uh, she's in the powder room. Let's go.","Frasier: Actually, Dad, I'd rather wait. You see, I wanted to discuss a new vacuuming pattern with her.","Martin: Well, actually, Fras, this might not be a good time. That shrimp fork thing really set her off. She kinda went to pieces and locked herself in there.","Frasier: She did? I had no idea she was so fragile.","Martin: Well, she'll get over it. She just needs to be alone for a while, she'll be fine. [calling] Bye, Trish!","Frasier: No, no, Dad. You know, if I've hurt her feelings, then it is incumbent upon me to apologize.","He crosses to the powder room.","Martin: Well... Frasier knocks on the powder room door.","Frasier: Trish, it's Dr. Crane. Could you come out here, please? I'd like to have a word with you.","Hearing nothing, he looks and Martin and spreads his hands.","Martin: The old silent treatment. Well, two can play that game. Let's go.","Frasier: No, no, Dad, why don't you talk to her?","Martin: Oh, I don't think so.","Frasier: Please, Dad, she likes you. Please.","Martin: Uh, Trish? Hi, it's Marty. Listen, I know you're upset, but I'd like to talk to you. Um, would you unlock the door?","He opens the door a very small amount and slips in, blocking Frasier's view.","Martin: Thatta girl.","He closes the door behind him. Frasier looks put off. Martin comes back out a moment later.","Martin: All right, you just take all the time you need. He closes the door behind him.","Martin: She accepted your apology but she just wants to be alone for a little while, so let's go.","Frasier: Dad, I really should apologize to her in person.","Martin: Well, I don't think this is the time.","Frasier: Why not?","Martin: Well, you have been pretty critical.","Frasier: Well, you know, I also think that she's made some real improvements around here. Tell her that.","Martin, a little exasperated, goes back into the powder room. After a moment, he sticks his face back out the door.","Martin: She wants an example.","Frasier: How should I know? Make something up.","Martin: Oh, no wonder she's mad, you ungrateful sonofabitch!","He closes the door on Frasier's stunned look. A moment later, Trish comes in the front door. Frasier, looking perturbed, motions her to be silent. Martin comes out as Frasier rocks on his heels smugly.","Martin: All right, see you later. Well, now I think you made things worse. It wouldn't surprise me if she didn't come in tomorrow.","Noticing where Frasier is looking, he glances back. Looking guilty and without anything to say, he slowly sticks his head back into the powder room.","Martin: You didn't tell me you had a sister.","Frasier: Dad! All right, what the hell is going on?","Trish: No idea. I just came by for my paycheck.","Martin: Well, uh, I got some bad news about that, Trish. I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to let you go.","Trish: Oh. Okay, but you still owe me for the days I was supposed to be here last week.","He ushers her out.","Martin: Sure, sure. And there'll be a check in the mail sometime after the first.","He closes the door behind her.","Martin: ...asteroid hits Earth!","[N.B. Ana Gasteyer previously filmed an appearance as a physical therapist for [10.11], \"Door Jam,\" but that episode wound up being shelved. It was reworked and aired three months after its originally scheduled October air date, without her subplot.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Five - A Doctor's Office","[SCENE_BREAK]","Niles is waiting in a chair. The doctor comes in and stands behind his desk, holding a chart.","Niles: Okay, lay it on me. I'm prepared for the worst. Is it my heart?","Doctor: I'm afraid so.","Niles: Ah-ha!","It sinks in a moment.","Niles: What?","Doctor: There is an anomaly in your EKG. I'm gonna have to check you into the hospital.","Niles: Oh, uh, well, hmm. Uh, I guess I can clear my schedule. How's, how's tomorrow afternoon?","He fumbles in his pocket.","Doctor: No, no. Niles? You need to go right now. Niles simply sits there, stunned.","[SCENE_BREAK]","END OF ACT TWO","[SCENE_BREAK]","Niles is still in the doctor's office. The doctor comes around and sits on the edge of the desk, going over the upcoming hospitalization with Niles, who nods his understanding. Niles begins to cough, and is unable to clear his throat. The doctor steps back and gets a bottle of water, holding it out to him. Seeing the fanny-pack contest label, Niles reels in shock, clutching his chest and checking his pulse.","[N.B. This tag was first shown on the prime time re-run of the \"Rooms With a View\" over the credits.]"],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"10x07","Episode Title":"Bristle While You Work","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_11x17.json","Recap":["Frasier is pacing up and down his apartment while a storm goes on outside. Niles arrives, annoyed at being called away from the \" gifted infants' toy expo\", and Frasier confesses that he has committed a crime, punishable by US law . There then follows a flashback while he explains: Frasier had been having a bad day. During his radio show, he came down with a coughing fit and Roz had to advise his kleptomaniac caller, Babette, after which she claimed he had been dispensing the same advice for ten years. He was later turned down by an attractive woman who had parked her car in his space, and cornered at his front door by an elderly neighbor ( Estelle Parsons ) who said she could set her watch by his routine. He also did not appreciate coming home to two happy couples - Niles and Daphne, and Martin and Ronee - while he himself is still single. Calling round to change a light bulb for his neighbor, he learned that even she is still dating at the age of 83. At this point, Niles learns of Frasier's crime: he surreptitiously stole an item from one of her shelves, just for the thrill. However, now he is plagued by guilt, and wants Niles' help in returning the item, in case he feels the urge to steal again. Neither of them realizes the importance of the stolen object."],"Transcript":["Skyline:A cloud appears and sprinkles rain.","ACT I","[N.B. The first scene of Act One has Frasier telling a story to Niles in the apartment, constantly interrupted by flashbacks and alternative versions of said flashbacks. To preserve continuity, scenes that take place in a single setting over a continuous time have been named as a","single scene in several parts: \"1a, 1b, etc.\"]","Scene 1-a - Frasier's apartment It is stormy outside and Frasier is fretting about something, pacing nervously. The doorbell rings, and he rushes to admit Niles.","Frasier: [frantically] Oh, Niles! Thank God you've come quickly. I've been going mad.","Niles: This better be a real emergency, Frasier. You pulled me away from the Gifted Infants Toy Expo.","Frasier: Yes, yes, you missed out on buying a Tickle Me Tolstoy doll. Niles, my problem is more important than that. You see, I've... [desperately] oh, dear God. Niles, I've committed a crime!","Niles: Don't tell me. You forgot to send the opera board a thank you note for the Christmas brickle.","Frasier: By God, man, it's a real crime! Punishable by law!","At this moment, a thunderclap and a flash of lightning.","Niles: By law?","Frasier: Of the United States of America.","Another thunderclap and lightning flash.","Niles: Good heavens, what have you done?","Frasier: I'll tell you. But before you judge me, Niles, please, remember how much stress I've been under lately.","Niles: Of course. Tell me everything, leave nothing out.","Frasier sits. Niles goes to the sherry bar.","Frasier: All right. It was a dark and stormy day...","Niles: You can leave that out.","Frasier: All right. It was an average day, marred only by a persistent cough caused by a barista's over-nutmegging my machiatto.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 2 - KACL Frasier is taking a call.","Frasier: Go ahead, Babette, what can I do for you?","Babette: [v.o.] Well, Dr. Crane. For about a year now, I've been stealing. I get these uncontrollable urges to take things.","Frasier: Such as? [He begins to cough and try to stifle it.]","Babette: All kinds of things. Magazines from stores, a friend's sunglasses... things I don't even want.","Frasier continues to battle with the cough.","Frasier: I see, um... [clearing his throat] Go on.","Babette: It's so unlike me. I mean, my friends think I'm dull. They all say \"Babette, you're like an old shoe.\" But stealing is so exciting. It's really the only time I feel alive.","Frasier: Well, it sound to me like you have a classic case of klepto... [wheezing cough, strained] klepto...","Frasier breaks down, hacking. Roz takes the save.","Roz: Kleptomania. Hi, Babette, this is Roz. And if Dr. Crane weren't hacking up a hairball, I'm sure he would tell you that this thrill you get from stealing makes up for an emptiness in your life.","Frasier drinks from a water bottle, gesturing his approval for what Roz is saying.","Roz: That's the problem you really need to address. So you should seek counseling, or at least find a support group.","Frasier: Yes, and may I add...","Roz: She's gone and we're out of time.","Frasier: Oh, well then, this is Dr. Frasier Crane saying \"Good day, Seattle,\" and \"Good mental health.\"","He signs off.","[N.B. Helen Mirren, a self-proclaimed huge fan of Frasier, has the honor of being the show's last guest caller.] Roz enters.","Roz: Are you okay? I haven't heard so much coughing since I was backstage at Reggae Sunsplash.","Frasier: Well... [clears throat] ...I'm fine, Roz, thank you. Thank you so much. Your advice was spot on.","Roz: It should be. I've heard you say the same stuff for ten years now. \"Confront your emotions,\" \"communicate,\" \"seek counseling.\"","Frasier: I didn't realize my advice had become so predictable.","Roz: Well, it's not your fault everyone calls with the same dumb-ass problems.","Frasier: They're not the same problems. What about that--that caller last week, the sleepwalking transvestite who kept breaking off his heels in sewer grates?","Roz: Yeah, I remember him. You told him to seek counseling.","Frasier: [indignant] Yes, I also told him to wear flats. Oh, oh, did maintenance remember to bring me that hammer I asked for?","Roz: Oh, yeah, right here. [She grabs a hammer.] What do you need it for?","Frasier: [taking the hammer] Some imbecile's been parking in my spot despite several strongly worded notes I have left on his windshield. The time has come for me to take matters into my own hands.","Niles: [v.o.] My God, Frasier, so that's what you did!","SMASH CUT TO:","Scene 1-b - Frasier's apartment Cut back to Frasier's narrative to Niles.","Niles: In an uncontrollable rage over the commandeering of your parking space, you took hammer to car!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 3-a - Parking garage Niles's line continues as a voiceover here. Frasier approaches a car...","Niles: [v.o.] You are a vandal! And angrily smashes in the windshield and hood with the hammer. SMASH CUT TO:","Scene 1-c - Frasier's apartment Frasier corrects Niles's conclusion.","Frasier: It was nothing like that!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 3-b - Parking garage Frasier's narrative continues as a voiceover.","Frasier: [v.o.] My \"Reserved\" sign was a-dangle. I used the hammer to tack it back on.","Frasier is seen doing this. An attractive woman approaches as he does.","Willa: Oh, I'm sorry. I-I didn't realize this spot was reserved.","Frasier: [angrily] So all those notes that I left... [seeing her] must have... blown away. [shaking her hand] Uh, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.","Willa: Yes.","Frasier: So you know my show?","Willa: It's on your sign. Willa Haver. I'm so sorry. My assigned spot is on the roof, and with the rain and everything...","Frasier: Oh, no, no it's perfectly understandable, and now that I know that this is your Audi, let me be the first to say [grinning] \"Audi, neighbor!\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 1-d - Back to the Frasier\/Niles narrative in the apartment.","Niles: And that's when she took the hammer and put you out of your misery?","Frasier: That would have been preferable.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 3-c - Parking garage Back to Frasier's conversation with the woman.","Frasier: You know, perhaps in the spirit of d\u00e9tente, I could, uh, buy you some coffee?","Willa: Oh, well, that is so sweet of you, but I can't right now.","Frasier: Oh, well, perhaps tomorrow?","Willa: Uh, no tomorrow's no good either.","Frasier: Next week, perhaps?","Willa: Next week, uh, I'll be out of town.","Frasier: You know, I'm-I'm not sure if we're having a devil of a time coordinating our schedules or you're just giving me a polite brush-off.","She is uncomfortable, says nothing, beeps her car alarm and leaves.","Frasier: [as she gets in her car, dejectedly] OK, now I'm sure. FADE OUT [First Commercial Break]","HOW TO DEAL WITH A DIM BULB","Scene 1-e - Frasier's apartment Fade in. Back to Frasier's narrative to Niles.","Frasier: My morning's travails aside, Niles, you'll be happy to know I didn't strike out with every woman I encountered today.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 4-a - Hallway near the elevator An elderly woman approaches as Frasier goes to enter his apartment.","[N.B. Estelle Parsons has already \"appeared\" this season, as a guest caller in [11.12], \"Frasier-Lite.\"]","Opal: Frasier. I heard the elevator, and I thought, \"I bet that's Frasier,\" and it is.","Frasier: How are you, Mrs. Magrini?","Opal: Oh, just grand, and how many times do I have to ask you to call me Opal? You make me feel like an old woman.","Frasier: [uncomfortably] Opal, then. Lovely to see you again.","Opal: [not taking his strong hints] Some weather!","Frasier: [patiently] Yes, it's just awful.","Opal: Oh! It's blowing a gale.","Frasier: Yes, it's quite a storm.","Opal: And colder than a well-digger's wallet.","Frasier: Yes, that's quite apt.","Opal: I wonder if I could ask a favor.","Frasier patiently waits to hear it.","Opal: I know you're probably as busy as an ant farm, but do you think you could change a light bulb for me? The last time I tried, I fell off the ladder, and I lay on my back like...","Frasier: Like a helpless turtle?","Opal: No, like a half-hour till the ambulance came.","Frasier: [nodding it off] Well, uh, let me just get out of these wet shoes, and I'll be right over.","Opal: Oh, great. I'll make some tea and cookies. We always have such lively conversations.","Frasier: [veiled sarcasm] Yes, we're reviving a lost art.","Frasier enters his apartment, where Martin and Ronee are sitting on a couch, looking at photos. Daphne is also there.","Martin: Hey, Fras.","Daphne: Hello.","Martin: Some weather, huh?","Frasier: [irritated] Yes, it's raining. I've just gone over that with Mrs. Magrini.","Ronee: Hey, come look at these pictures from our engagement party.","Martin: Yeah, that camera you gave us is terrific.","Frasier: What, is that the camera I gave you ten years ago? I can't believe you've never used it before.","Martin: Shows you what you know. Turns out half the shots on this roll were taken the night you gave it to me.","Daphne: Niles, come and look at these old pictures.","Niles enters from the kitchen.","Niles: [v.o.] Yes, and then we all looked at the pictures! SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-f - Cut back to the Frasier\/Niles narrative.","Niles: I remember it as if it were four hours ago.","Frasier: I am coming to my point!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 4-b - Back to looking at the pictures.","Daphne: Oh, Martin, look at you. Sitting in your chair all sour and grumpy.","Ronee: You must be drunk in this picture, Niles. You've got your arm around a floor lamp.","Niles: [taking the photo] Oh, no, that's Maris in her Easter hat.","Daphne: [showing Niles a photo] Why are you all hunched over in this one?","Niles: [uncomfortably] Uh...","Daphne: You were looking at my bum, weren't you?","Niles: Oh, heavens, no!","Daphne: Oh, it's all right, Niles, we're married now.","Niles: All right, yes. I might once in a moment of weakness have permitted myself a fleeting glance.","She hands him another photo.","Niles: Or twice. Another photo. The look on Daphne's face is priceless.","Niles: [giving in] Many, many times. Frasier rolls his eyes.","Daphne: It's all about the rear with you, isn't it?","Niles: Oh, no, darling...","Daphne: [interrupting] No, seriously...","She stands and turns her back to him.","Daphne: What color are my eyes?","Niles: [uncomfortable] Um...","Daphne: You're looking at it again, aren't you?","Of course he is.","Niles: No, I...","Martin: [nostalgically] Boy, you look at these pictures, you can really see how far we've all come.","Ronee: Oh, I'll say, you were such an old sourpuss and [to Niles] you with the crypt keeper there, and [to Frasier] you... well, God, you haven't changed a bit. You're even wearing the same jacket that you wore in this picture.","Frasier: [looking at the photo] Hardly the same, I've had it relined.","SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-g - Back to the narrative.","Frasier: I don't mind telling you, Niles. What happened next was particularly galling.","Niles: I remember exactly what happened, and I haven't got a clue what you're talking about.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 4-c - Cut back to the nostalgia session. Martin's arm is around Ronee.","Niles: [peacefully] Our lives are so complete.","Martin: [contentedly] We really are lucky.","SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-h - Narrative","Frasier: Oh, please, that's not how it happened at all!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 4-d - Frasier's version Niles, Daphne, Martin, and Ronee are all staring pointedly at Frasier.","Niles: [Daphne in his arm, tauntingly] Our lives are so complete!","Martin: [nyah-nyah!] We really are lucky!","Frasier frowns indignantly.","Daphne: Well, come on, Niles, we should be heading off to the baby show.","Niles: Oh, right.","Daphne: If we're lucky, we might get a lead on a nanny.","Martin: Oh, well you know, there are ads in the back of that Seattle Weekly.","Ronee: Just make sure you look in the right section. If she says she's got her own toys and is willing to spank, she may not be a nanny.","SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-i - Narrative","Niles: Don't tell me! In your desperation over being the only Crane man not to find love, you picked up that paper and did the unthinkable!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 5 - Fantasy of Frasier opening the door to a leather-clad call girl.","Frasier: Tawny LaRue, I presume. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-j - Narrative","Frasier: I did no such thing, you nit! [beating him with the paper] And I am telling this story!","Niles: Very slowly! I'm beginning to think you didn't do anything!","Frasier: All right, I'm getting to it! Now you'll recall, I promised to change my neighbor's light bulb.","Niles: Oh, God...","He places his face in his hands, unable to bear much more.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 6-a - Opal Magrini's apartment Brown tones, much antique furniture. Frasier is perched on a ladder by some high shelves. Opal enters with a plate of cookies.","Opal: Here we are!","Frasier: [looking at a statue] I was just admiring your bust.","Opal: [taking \"bust\" differently] Thank you!","Frasier: It might look nice a little higher.","Opal: It might look nice a lot higher, but heck, I'm 83. Anyway, I can't thank you enough for coming to my rescue.","Frasier: Yes, it's lucky you ran into me in the hall.","Opal: Oh, I knew that would be you coming out of the elevator. If there's one thing I can count on, it's old Frasier's routine, unchanging as Granddad's whiskers.","She moves around the apartment. Frasier opens the light bulb box.","Opal: There's old Frasier off to work. There's old Frasier coming home. There's old Frasier off to work. There's old Frasier...","Frasier: Yes, \"old Frasier\" gets the idea.","Opal: That's why I gave you my spare key. I knew if there was ever an emergency, I could count on you. Oh, we should have our tea. My date's picking me up in twenty minutes.","Frasier: How marvelous you're still dating.","Opal: Well, I think an active social life keeps you young. So what are you doing this evening?","Frasier: I thought I'd stay in with a good book.","Opal: [with a patronizing smile] Ah, isn't that nice? How you're so cozy in your routine. Ha ha, you're like an old shoe, Frasier.","She taps his leg and walks away. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-k - Narrative","Frasier: [haunted] That's when I snapped!","Niles: You didn't! You bludgeoned her horribly with that bust!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 6-b - Fantasy shot of Frasier threatening Opal with the bust from the ladder and her cowering in fear.","SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-l - Narrative","Frasier: No, you insane twit!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 6-c - Continuation of the scene.","Opal: You're like an old shoe, Frasier, now come have some tea.","Frasier: [v.o. from his conversation with Niles] I suddenly flashed on my caller, Babette. Before I knew what I was doing, I impulsively pocketed something that belonged to her.","We see Frasier surreptitiously grabbing a small square box from the shelf as Opal prepares the tea.","Frasier: [v.o., haunted, menacingly] I stole, Niles! Like some craven thief. And I've never felt more alive!","Frasier's face as he perpetrates the act is wild with menace. A thunderclap as he pockets the box. He walks to join Opal, who saw nothing, for tea. FADE OUT.","END OF ACT I","ACT II","[N.B. Frasier's story completed, we now return to a normal order of scenes.]","Scene 7 - Completion of the narrative.","Frasier: You can't imagine the thrill I felt as I sat there sipping her inferior tea and eating her excellent cookies, all the while fingering the stolen object in my pocket.","Which he produces for Niles's viewing pleasure.","Frasier: [again with the menacing tone] And then how coolly I walked out, scot-free, the old bird none the wiser.","Niles: What's in there?","Frasier: Some sort of decorative medallion.","Niles: Well, it's pretty clear what happened. The depressing series of events today led you to conclude that you're in a rut. Your spontaneous transgression generated the excitement that you so desperately wanted.","Frasier: Any Caribbean-trained Psych student could tell me that!","Niles: Well, if you didn't want my diagnosis, why did you call me here?","Frasier: Because I am plagued by guilt. I have to return this box before it's discovered missing.","Niles: [wary] Why did you call me here?","Frasier: I need your help, Niles. I have her key. I know she's out. We can put this back and be done with it.","Niles: But I don't want to. I have excitement in my life.","Frasier: Please! I can't trust myself to be alone. I am caught in the grip of this mania! Who knows what I might steal next?","Niles: You took a little box! I hardly think you're going to run off on a crime spree.","Frasier: Oh, really?","He produces Niles's handkerchief. Shocked, Niles checks his pocket and finds it empty.","Niles: [rising] Thief!","Frasier: [menacing again] That's right! I took it, and I liked it! [pleading] Please, please, Niles!","Niles: I don't want to get involved.","Frasier: Fine, I'll do it myself. Here, hold this for me.","He gives Niles the box.","Niles: [takes it] Why?","Frasier: [snatches it back] Now your prints are on it, too. You have to help me!","Niles: Fiend!","Frasier runs out the door, chased by Niles, who quickly grabs his coat.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 8 - The Magrini apartment Frasier and Niles enter. It is dark.","Frasier: Admit it, Niles. It's intoxicating, isn't it? Don't you feel the tingle running down your spine?","Niles: In a minute, it's going to be running down my inseam, hurry up.","Frasier: I've become a danger junkie. A cunning cat burglar with nerves of steel.","The door rattles. Frasier and Niles shriek in terror.","Frasier: Hide! Hide! Here, here, take this box!","Niles: No, no you've got a pocket.","Frasier: Put it...","They frantically rush out to a balcony, which is hidden by curtains, as a group of people enter the apartment. Leading them are Opal's imposing son, Roland, and her niece, Sarah.","Roland: All right. All right, everybody. Put down your gifts, give me your coats and I'll put them in the bedroom.","A cell phone rings. Sarah answers.","Sarah: Hello? Thank you! Okay, that was the doorman. Aunt Opal is on her way up! Everyone find a place to hide!","They rush to take off their coats and hide.","Sarah: All right, quiet everybody! I hear them!","Opal enters with her date. The lights come on and they all jump out and shout \"Surprise!\" Frasier and Niles, with no other option, join the surprise shouts and emerge from the balcony.","Opal: Oh, my goodness! Thank you! Opal's date begins to remove her coat.","Opal: [seeing the Cranes] Frasier! They both have stupid grins on their faces.","Sarah: Who are you?","Frasier: I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, the next door neighbor, uh, and this is my brother Niles, uh, we just wanted to say Happy Birthday, Opal!","Opal: Thank you!","Roland: Did someone invite you?","Frasier: [quick on his feet] Uh, well, the news of this birthday has been just buzzing through the building. We wouldn't miss an opportunity to honor this wonderful lady.","Roland: Then how'd you get in here?","Frasier: We slipped in as the door was closing.","Roland: I could swear...","Opal: Stop grilling them, please, Roland! He thinks he has to grill everyone just because he's a district attorney.","Niles begins to panic and grabs Frasier's arm. The party guests all laugh.","Opal: Now, what would you like to drink? Another niece, Janelle, enters from the kitchen.","[N.B. Janelle is played by Bernadette Birkett, the real-life wife of George Wendt, who played Norm Peterson on \"Cheers.\" She played the voice of Norm's \"Fairy Tales Can Come True\" as Tinker Bell.]","Janelle: Champagne!","Frasier: Oh, well, we really can't stay.","Opal: Oh, you can stay a few minutes. You don't want to hurt my feelings.","Janelle: [to Niles] Here, let me take your coat.","Niles: Oh, my coat, no, I'd really rather you... [it's too late, as she has removed the coat] Uh, okay.","Janelle: [holding the coat] Oh, my God!","Niles: What, what?","Janelle: You're Dr. Frasier Crane!","She hands the coat to Roland.","Janelle: Here, take this, Roland. I love your show!","Frasier: Oh...","Janelle: It's going to be so exciting to have a celebrity here when we take Aunt Opal's picture with her medal!","Frasier: Oh.","Niles: [frightened] Medal?!","Janelle: She won the bronze at the 1936 Berlin Olympics.","Frasier: Oh.","Janelle: So what's it like being a huge radio star?","Frasier: [always making time for a fan] Well...","Niles: [subdued panic] Frasier!","Frasier: Yes, yes, in a minute, Niles. Actually, I don't really think of myself as a star so much as a healer. The important thing is to listen...","Niles: Frasier?","Frasier: Yes, not now, Niles.","Niles: [with feigned excitement and deeper meaning] Frasier, they're going to take her picture with her medal!","Frasier: Yes, I heard that. [then, he really DOES hear it] Oh, dear. Uh, excuse me just a moment.","He takes Niles aside.","Frasier: [under his breath] You have got to get that medal out of your coat.","Niles: Why don't you get it?","Frasier: I'm a celebrity. They're watching my every move. Go on.","The family members are now all gathered around Aunt Opal.","Sarah: Aunt Opal, tell Dr. Crane the story about how you refused to shake Hitler's hand when he gave you that medal.","Frasier: Oh!","Opal: It looked sweaty, that's all.","They all laugh.","CUT TO: Niles entering the bedroom. Unfortunately, another elderly woman (Florence) is napping on top of the coats. She stirs a little. Niles tries to extract his coat without waking her, but he drags her with it. She awakens, with Niles's face a few inches from hers.","Florence: Who are you?","Niles: It's just a dream.","Florence: Then why aren't you Harry Truman?","CUT BACK TO: the party.","Opal: Where's my cake? I'm ready for the cake!","Roland: No, not until we take the family picture, Mother.","Niles has re-entered.","Niles: [softly, to Frasier] I got it.","Opal: Well, then let's take the darned picture. Roland, get my medal down.","Roland: Where is it?","Opal: Same place it always is, unless it's grown legs like a tadpole and hopped away.","Frasier: We have got to get that medal up there!","Niles: What do you mean \"we?\"","Frasier: You're right. Bad plan. You've got to get it up there. All right, top shelf, right of the sconce. [to the guests] You know, before we take the picture, I have a little story I'd like to tell that just may rival that Hitler tale.","They all divert their attention to Frasier. Niles makes sure nobody is looking before he ascends the ladder.","Frasier: The place...was right here. The time...was this afternoon. Opal had just set out a lovely service of tea and a plate of sweets. I remember there were three cookies sitting on the plate, and I reached for... [with meaning] the LEFT one. Not the CENTER one, the LEFT one, and just at the same moment, Opal reached for the very same cookie, and, oh, what did you say? Oh, it was priceless.","Opal: I said, \"You take it.\"","Frasier: Hah! Right off the top of her head.","Roland notices Niles fumbling on the ladder.","Roland: What are you doing?","Niles: I, uh...","Frasier: Uh, I can tell from the panic in my brother's voice that he must have seen a spider. You see, he has a crippling fear of spiders, and it sent him up the ladder.","Niles: Yes, I hate spiders.","Sarah: I didn't see a spider. Come back down.","Frasier: No!","Roland: Why not?","Frasier: Because he also has a crippling fear of heights. This may be just the breakthrough we've been looking for. Higher, Niles! Conquer your fear!","Niles - believably - feigns terror.","Frasier: Please, everyone, I'm going to have to ask you to turn around, as his fear of crowds has set in.","Sarah: Crowds, too?","Frasier: Yes, you are looking at that rarest of beasts, the arachno-acro- agoraphobe. Please, avert your eyes.","They turn around.","Frasier: This is the most difficult part of the process. I am using a technique known as behavioral exposure therapy. Climb higher, Niles. Ever higher, conquer your fear!","Janelle: Wow, Frasier Crane in action!","Frasier: No, please, no peeking! You don't want to cause a setback.","After replacing the medal, Niles slips off the ladder and hangs from the top shelf by his fingertips. Frasier stifles a scream.","Frasier: Everybody freeze! This is the moment of truth. I haven't done this since my days in med school.","He motions for them to keep looking away. He then rescues Niles by climbing under him. Niles is now seated on Frasier's shoulders and releases the bookshelf. Everybody sees Frasier carrying Niles.","Frasier: Hurrah! He's done it! He's conquered all three! Niles makes a gesture of triumph with his usual stupid grin.","Opal: What are you doing?","Frasier: Well, you as an athlete should know the time-honored tradition of hoisting the victor on one's shoulders.","Opal: They never did that to me.","Frasier: Well, you finished third, didn't you? Now if you'll excuse me. I've got to journal all this while it's still fresh. Good night, everyone!","He walks toward the door. As he exits, Niles's head bumps on the top of the doorway. Everybody gasps with concern.","Frasier: Oh! Good Lord, I should have dipped. I tell you...","On the second attempt, Niles bumps his head again. They fumble out the door.","Frasier: So sorry.","Having made their not so graceful exit from the party, Frasier and Niles have apparently successfully concealed the crime. FADE OUT.","OEDIPAL UNDIES","Scene 9 - Frasier's apartment Frasier is on the couch looking at the old photos. Martin enters in his robe rom the back.","Frasier: Oh, hey, Dad, I didn't know you guys were here. Where's Ronee?","Martin: Oh, she's in bed waiting for me. Hey, Fras, you know what, she can't see a thing without her contacts. Why don't we play a little joke on her? You tiptoe in...","Frasier: No, Dad, I'll pass.","Martin: Still looking at those old pictures, huh?","Frasier: Yeah.","Martin: It's funny, isn't it?","Frasier: What?","Martin: How suddenly your whole life can change. I never would've dreamed back then that I'd end up getting married again, at my age, and to someone so young and full of pep.","Frasier: I'm very happy for you and Ronee.","Martin: That's the way it is. Just when you think that you're in a rut, and nothing exciting will ever happen to you again, Pow! That's when it does.","Frasier: Maybe you're right.","Martin: I know I'm right. Good night, Fras.","He exits to the back.","Frasier: Good night, Dad. Frasier begins to put the pictures away. Martin suddenly re-enters.","Martin: You know, you could put on my robe and a little bit of my Aqua Velva...","Frasier: Good night, Dad.","Martin exits again. FADE OUT.","[N.B. This last scene is certainly a foreshadowing of the next episode, [11.18] \"Match Game.\" - which might explain why \"Match Game\" was not aired until several weeks after it was filmed.]","END OF ACT II","[SCENE_BREAK]","Niles exits Frasier's apartment, bidding him farewell, and heads to the elevator. As he waits, he happily pulls out one of Frasier's sherry glasses from his coat pocket. But then he checks his other pocket and becomes worried, for he is obviously missing something. Frasier comes out, dangling Niles's keys. Niles, realizing he has been outfoxed, produces the sherry glass, and they exchange their thefts. Frasier re-enters his apartment, and Niles is clearly very disappointed."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"11x17","Episode Title":"Coots and Ladders","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_11x22.json","Recap":["Frasier chips an old earthenware crock pot while preparing dinner, and is about to throw it away, when he pauses, and remembers the dinners associated with the item, going back in time until finally remembering the first dinner he had made for his father, Niles, Daphne and Roz. The show invented new scenes from previous seasons, with the cast wearing the hairstyles, clothes, and vocal and semiotic mannerisms from those previous seasons, in some cases wearing wigs. 2003: Niles and Daphne are still newlyweds, just back from their honeymoon in Tahiti. Roz tries to set up Frasier with her friend Lizbeth. 2002: It's Roz's birthday, and Cinco de Mayo celebrations are being held in Seattle. Niles and Daphne are enjoying their active sex life. 1999: The Crane family are celebrating Independence Day. 1998: The Crane family are celebrating Thanksgiving Day. Frasier is still unemployed after KACL had changed formats, but Daphne is concerned that Frasier might fire her due to a lack of funds. Niles is separated from Maris, and unhappy with his new residence at the Shangri-La. He is pining for Daphne. Following the changed KACL format, Roz has a temp job. 1996: Niles is still married to Maris. Frasier is having his disastrous dating woes. Roz is enjoying the single life. 1993: Frasier's hair is longer and Daphne's hair is a bouffant. Frasier and Martin are still sniping at each other, Niles is \"happily\" married to Maris but bringing Daphne gifts, Frasier and Niles begin their love of sherry, Kenny Daly appears as a pizza delivery boy hoping to break into Seattle radio. After the flashbacks, Frasier repairs the crock pot, warmly places flowers in it, and gives it an honored place on the dinner table, as the gang arrives. When he fills it with water, the pot immediately begins to leak from all the cracks."],"Transcript":["Skyline: Fireworks explode.","ACT ONE","Scene One - Frasier's Apartment - Kitchen - PRESENT DAY Frasier is cooking a full-course dinner on the stove, stirring something with one hand and talking on his cordless phone with the other.","Frasier: Yeah, I had a great time today too, Charlotte. Oh nothing, really. I'm having the folks over for dinner. Just the family, and Roz. Well, I've done it a thousand times before. Okay, I'll, uh, see you tomorrow. Bye.","He hangs up the phone and reaches for a small, reddish earthenware vessel on the counter, which is holding his kitchen spoons and a spatula. He picks it up by its rim, which breaks off in his hand. He sighs and gathers up the spoons and the pieces.","Frasier: For God's sake... this thing breaks like crockwork. [laughs to himself] Crockwork, I'll tell you... ah Frasier, once again you've suffered the tragedy of being clever, and alone.","He prepares to toss the pieces into the garbage, then stops, looking thoughtful. The camera zooms in on the crock in his hand...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Two - Living Room And fades in on the crock on the dinner table, as Martin is patching it up with glue.","SUPRA: \"2003\"","Frasier comes out of the kitchen with wine glasses. He begins to set the table.","Frasier: Oh for God's sake, Dad, would you please throw that thing away?","Martin: Why, what for? When I get through gluing it, it'll be as good as new.","The doorbell rings.","Frasier: It wasn't any good when it was new! It's just an ugly, worthless pot.","Martin goes to the kitchen. Frasier answers the door to Daphne.","Daphne: Hello!","Frasier: Oh, hi! [kisses her cheek and hugs her] How was the honeymoon?","Daphne: Oh, Tahiti was absolute paradise - except for poor Niles getting sunburned.","Niles staggers in. His face is beet red, and - judging by his ginger movements - so is the rest of him.","Frasier: Oh dear, Niles. You look like you've crawled out of a bisque.","Niles: And you look like someone who doesn't want his Paul Gauguin souvenir oven mitt.","He takes it out of his shopping bag, and Frasier accepts it gratefully.","Frasier: Niles, you remembered. Martin comes out with a beer.","Martin: Hey guys, welcome back!","Daphne: Oh hello, Martin.","Niles: Hey.","Daphne notices that Frasier is wearing a blazer.","Daphne: You're a bit dressed up for a family dinner.","Frasier: Oh well, Roz is dropping by with someone she wanted me to meet.","Niles: Ooh, a lady friend?","Frasier: No, we're going to form a jazz trio, Niles. Of course it's a lady friend, you cherry-faced fool.","Martin: So you want us to clear out?","Frasier: No, no, no, you don't have to do that. If I don't like her, Roz will just take her away. We've agreed upon a safety","word: enchant\u00e9. If circumstances should dictate, all I have to do is say it, and Roz will know that I'm not interested.","The doorbell rings.","Frasier: Niles, would you mind getting that? That's probably Roz. Uh, I'm just going to get rid of Dad's arts and crafts project here, all right?","Frasier gathers the crock and Martin's supplies and goes back to the kitchen. Niles opens the door to Roz and her friend, Lisbeth.","Niles: Hi, Roz.","Roz: Oh hi - hey, you guys are back! Hey, Martin.","Martin: Roz.","Roz: This is my friend Lisbeth.","Lisbeth: Hiya.","She shakes Niles' hand, then draws back as he winces in pain. He waves it off and ushers the two women in. They sit on the couch.","[N.B. During the creation of the show eleven years ago, the writers originally conceived of Martin's home health care worker being a sassy Hispanic, with Rosie Perez in mind for the role; Jane Leeves was cast only after they changed their minds and made the character an Englishwoman. Perez's appearance here is perhaps a nod to that forgotten idea.]","[N.B.B. Perez also voiced the guest caller Francesca in [2.12], \"Roz in the Doghouse.\"]","Niles: Yes, come in, this is Daphne and Martin, and, yes... can I get you a glass of wine?","Roz: Oh, please! [to her] Frasier has the greatest wine.","Lisbeth: Oh, sounds good to me. Life's too short to drink bad wine, right?","Niles: [pleased] Amen to that!","Lisbeth: Just a half a glass, with club soda. [to Roz] You know how I love my spritzer.","Niles turns toward the kitchen. If he could say \"enchant\u00e9\" for Frasier, he would.","Niles: Frasier? Frasier comes out.","Frasier: What...? [feigning surprise] Oh, hi! Roz, what a pleasant surprise.","The two women stand.","Roz: This is Lisbeth. We were just shopping in the neighborhood, and thought we'd stop by.","Frasier: Well, how lovely. [shakes her hand] It's a pleasure to meet you, Elizabeth.","Lisbeth: It's not Elizabeth, it's \"Lisbeth.\"","Frasier: Ah, like Lisbon!","Lisbeth: Like a what?","Frasier: Enchant\u00e9. [glances at Roz]","Lisbeth: Right, and meeting you was just... super.","She also glances at Roz, who looks guilty as Frasier glares at her. They still haven't dropped their hands.","Frasier: Yes, the feeling is mutual. [at Roz] Enchant\u00e9, enchant\u00e9, enchant\u00e9.","Lisbeth: Oh, and for me it's just been super. [at Roz] Super, super!","Roz: I took a shot.","Frasier: Yes.","Lisbeth: Yeah.","Frasier: Well, I guess we can stop shaking hands now.","Lisbeth: Oh well, I'm ready whenever you are.","Frasier: Well, then just let go.","Lisbeth: I did, you're holding on to me.","Frasier: What...? Oh, dear. Dad, what kind of glue were you using on that pot?","Martin: [sighs] Super.","Lisbeth: How could you be so stupid as to glue us together?! [to Roz] I thought you said he was smart!","Niles: Don't panic, I-I seem to recall that-that Superglue can be dissolved with acetone - you know, nail polish remover.","Daphne: He's the smart one. How did you know that?","Niles: I knew that from, uh... from school.","Frasier: School lunches! The Kriezel brothers used to glue a cafeteria tray to his tie.","[N.B. He would also know from [2.21], \"An Affair to Forget,\" when Daphne unstuck a piece of a model ship from his hand.]","Daphne: Well, I suppose we'd better get some. Let's go to the drug store.","She picks up her purse and Niles follows her out.","Lisbeth: Drug store? Oh, I gotta go.","Frasier: No, no, they'll be back in ten minutes.","Lisbeth: No, no, no, I gotta go. I started the new juice diet, and I got sixty-four ounces of cran-raspberry looking for a new home.","Frasier: Oh, for God's sake. All right, I'll tell you what, uh, just, uh, here, just come right in here, there you are...","Martin and Roz watch, fascinated but disturbed, as Frasier opens the powder room door and maneuvers Lisbeth inside, keeping his back turned to her.","Frasier: All right, just a moment, uh...","He closes the door with his face wedged between it and the jam, with his arm behind him and keeping his gaze fixed on the living room.","Frasier: Are you there?","Lisbeth: [from inside] Almost.","Frasier slides his face down the doorjamb, hunching over to let Lisbeth move.","Lisbeth: That's close enough. Could you maybe put on some music?","Frasier: Dad, could you put on some music, please?","Martin: Yeah, sure. Uh, what do want, pop, big band-?","Frasier: Oh, for God's sake, just turn the damn thing on!","Martin does.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[N.B. This scene would have taken place sometime after Niles and Daphne's marriage at the beginning of Season Ten, with [10.01], \"The Ring Cycle.\" However, that would have been in 2002, so apparently they didn't take their honeymoon until much later.]","Scene Three - Living Room It is evening. Frasier opens the door to Roz.","SUPRA: \"2002\"","[N.B. Roz's attire, a leather skirt and high boots, suggests her \"post- Alice\" phase, when her social life had slowed down considerably but she wasn't ready to acknowledge it.]","Roz: Sorry I'm late. The Cinco de Mayo traffic was muy malo.","Frasier: Oh yes, that's right, they closed some streets for the fireworks display. Well, happy birthday, Roz.","Daphne and Martin are also there.","Daphne: Yeah, happy birthday.","Roz: Whatever. [sinks onto the couch] Used to be I'd go out and get a little wild on my birthday. Now I go out and get a little dinner.","Frasier: There's nothing wrong with dinner.","Roz: I know, but it used to come with s*x.","Daphne comes over and pulls Roz to her feet.","Daphne: Oh, come on, Roz, sounds like you need a drink.","Roz: [wistful] Oh, that used to come with s*x, too.","Daphne takes her to the kitchen.","Martin: Sounds like we got another passenger on the S.S. Ain't Getting Any.","The doorbell rings again, and Frasier opens it to Niles.","Niles: Hello!","Frasier: Niles.","Niles: Wonderful day, marvelous day, you two look grand, where's Daphne?","Martin: Who shoved a bluebird into you?","Frasier: You know the S.S. Ain't Getting Any? Man overboard.","Martin: [shocked] You and Daphne?","Niles: Last night, Daphne and I engaged in sweet carnal delights.","Martin: [uneasy] Did you say \"carnal\" or \"caramel\"?","Niles looks embarrassed. Martin gets up.","Martin: I'd better go wrap Roz's birthday gift. [exits]","Niles: Oh! I forgot about Roz's birthday. You don't have anything I could give her, do you?","Frasier stoops and rummages through his bookshelf.","Frasier: Well, let's look, maybe one of these books... [straightens up] For God's sake, Niles! I mean, how could you forget her birthday? It's the whole reason we're having dinner.","Niles: Well, forgive me, I've been a little distracted lately. Especially last night! And again this morning. [then] Oh, dear God, if Daphne knew I was speaking so indiscreetly, she'd be mortified.","SMASH CUT TO: Kitchen Daphne is regaling a bewildered Roz with her own boudoir stories. Both women have wine.","Daphne: ...and just when I thought I'd worn him out, he flips me over like a griddle cake, and off we go again!","Roz: Niles?","Daphne: I couldn't catch me breath, it was like a marathon! I tell you, he's spoilt me for any other man.","Roz: Frasier's brother Niles?","Daphne: And guess how he woke me up this morning? [giggles]","Roz: Oh, shut up already!","Reset to: Living Room The ladies come out of the kitchen as Martin enters with a gift box. Niles has something in a gift bag now.","Frasier: Okay, birthday girl, come on over here and open some gifts. Niles and Daphne catch sight of each other.","Niles: Hello.","Daphne: Hello yourself.","They grin.","Frasier: All right, you two, let's pay attention. This is Roz's birthday. This gift is from Niles.","Niles: Happy birthday, Roz.","As Roz opens the bag and unwraps what's inside, Niles and Daphne keep grinning at each other. Roz reveals - the crock.","Roz: It's a crock. With a chipped lid. [lifts the lid and looks inside] And a dead bee. Thank you, Niles.","Niles: [his mind completely elsewhere] Glad you like it.","Daphne: [her mind in the same place] Oh, you know, I-I think I left your present in my room. Niles, will you help me with it?","Niles: Oh, of course.","They almost run to the hallway.","Niles: We'll be back very quickie.","Daphne: Quickly!","Niles: Quickly.","They exit.","Martin: You don't think they're gonna...?","Frasier: Oh, I have no idea. Try not to think about it.","They stand around uncomfortably. Then behind them, the skyline lights up as fireworks explode all over.","Roz: Wow, he really is good.","[N.B. 2002 means the second half of Season Nine and the first half of Season Ten - although the goofy smile that Niles wears for most of this scene is much like the one he wore after he and Daphne first slept together in [8.19], \"Daphne Returns.\"]","[N.B.B. This gag is also an obvious tribute to Hitchcock's \"To Catch A Thief,\" in which the male and female leads fall onto a couch, kissing, and the camera shifts up to show fireworks going off.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Four - Living Room It is mid-morning. Martin is watching a baseball game on TV.","SUPRA: \"1999\"","Frasier comes out dressed as Uncle Sam: bright red-white-and-blue pantaloons, jacket and top hat, and a silvery wig and goatee - even his eyebrows are silver and bushy. He picks up a pair of remote headphones off the credenza.","Frasier: Dad, I bought you these headphones, so that I wouldn't be subjected to your sports drivel. Please put them on.","Martin: All right, I will. But only if you say it.","Frasier sighs and points his finger like the old World War II recruiting poster.","Frasier: I WANT YOU - to wear those headphones! Martin laughs. Frasier goes into the kitchen.","Martin: I don't know why you care, you're just going to be out riding on that stupid parade float.","Frasier: [o.s., from the kitchen] The KACL Fourth of July float is not stupid! [comes out] Unless you think it is stupid to commemorate a hardy band of revolutionaries, their minds ablaze with...","Martin: [puts on the headphones] Hey, you're right, this does cut out all the drivel!","Daphne comes out, wearing a comically mismatched outfit: patchwork pants, a white striped shirt, and a powder-blue suit jacket.","Frasier: Oh hey, Daph. My God, you look hideous.","Daphne: Thank you. Now I wouldn't normally wear polyester on the hottest day of the year, but some English friends of mine are having an Ugly American party in honor of the Fourth.","The doorbell rings. As Frasier goes to answer it, Daphne drops into the drag-queen American accent that she used in [4.19], \"Three Dates and a Breakup[1].\"","Daphne: We're gonna toss back a couple a' cold brewskis, watch the ball game, and not use the metric system.","Frasier: [laughing] That's very funny.","He opens the door to Niles.","Frasier: Oh hello, Niles.","Niles: Hello, Uncle Sam. Didn't you just hand me a flyer for a mattress sale?","Frasier: Uh, listen, Roz is running a little late, so we're just gonna meet her downstairs, all right? Dad!","Martin doesn't hear, so Daphne taps him on the shoulder.","Frasier: [waving goodbye] We're off! See you later!","Martin: [takes off the headphones] Oh, okay, good luck! Boy, these are great. Now I can watch TV without bugging anybody.","He rises and goes to the kitchen, putting the headphones back on.","Martin: [suddenly singing, loudly] My bacon, is Farmer Frank's bacon! There's no mistakin', the quality...","Frasier and Niles shrug, then Frasier's glance drifts to the red-white-and- blue drapes on his balcony.","Frasier: Wait a minute. Is my bunting a-droop? It's supposed to drape evenly - oh, for God's sakes.","Daphne: [groans] You're not going to send me back to the Space Needle with binoculars and a walkie-talkie again, are you?","Frasier: No, there's no time for that. We can fix it on the fly. It'll just take a second.","Reset to: Balcony He leads Niles and Daphne out to the balcony.","Frasier: Here, Niles, grab that end.","Daphne closes the door behind them - and the handle comes off in her hand.","Daphne: Excuse me? This shouldn't come off like this, should it?","Frasier: Oh, dear. Um... here. [tries the other door; it's also locked] Oh, lord.","Reset to: Living Room Martin comes back into the living room with a bowl of chips. He doesn't hear or see Frasier, Niles, and Daphne waving frantically and yelling \"Dad!\" \"Mr. Crane!\" etc. He puts them down on the side table and goes back into the kitchen.","Reset to: Balcony","Niles: He can't hear us. We're stuck out here, what are we gonna do?","Frasier: All right, let's not panic. You know what, maybe some of our neighbors are out on their balconies, we'll just call out to them.","They start yelling to the balconies above and below them.","Reset to: Living Room Roz comes in the front door wearing a red-and-white polka-dotted Betsy Ross costume.","Roz: Hello? Hello?","She looks out and sees the three of them on the balcony, waving and yelling excitedly. She also hears the roar of jet engines outside.","Roz: The Blue Angels!","Reset to: Balcony She runs out onto the balcony. The scream of a passing jet drowns out the sound of the door being opened, and fades just in time to let them hear it close again.","Roz: Wow!","As Roz looks eagerly skyward, the other three look at her, then at the door, then at her again.","Roz: What?","Niles: Locked-Out!","Reset to: Living Room Martin comes back in with the crock, which he sets next to the chips. Now all four of them are yelling and waving, with Roz adding \"Martin!\" to \"Dad!\" and \"Mr. Crane!\" Again, he doesn't notice and sits in his chair to watch the game.","Frasier: Roz, how long does a baseball match last?","Roz: Well, usually three hours, but...","Frasier: Oh, dear.","Niles groans and sits in one of the deck chairs as the other three stand in front of him at the balcony.","Roz: This sucks, I don't even have my cell phone. Don't you have your cell phone, Frasier?","Frasier: Roz, I'm Uncle Sam, I don't have a cell phone. I shouldn't even have this zipper.","Daphne: It's going to be a hundred degrees out here, I'm roasting in these things!","Niles, who has been searching his pockets, finds his cell phone. He excitedly steps forward, holding it up-","Daphne: That's it, these clothes are coming off.","-and quickly buries it in his jacket as Daphne sheds her jacket, drops her belt, and starts to unbutton her shirt.","[N.B. 1999 means the second half of Season Six, and the first half of Season Seven. Daphne's pageboy haircut indicates that this is Season Six - although it should be noted that when they are yelling at Frasier's neighbors, she yells \"Mr. Winston, are you home?\" Cam Winston was not referred to until Season Seven, but might well have moved into Frasier's building long before.]","END OF ACT ONE","[SCENE_BREAK]","ACT TWO","Scene Five - Living Room Evening. Frasier and Niles are on the couch, and Frasier pours Niles a glass of wine. Niles is very depressed, and more than a little drunk.","SUPRA: \"1998\"","The phone rings, and Niles starts to get up.","Frasier: That's all right, Niles, allow me. [calls] Daphne! Daphne comes out of the kitchen.","Daphne: Coming! [answers the phone] Hello, Crane residence. Oh hello, Mum, Happy Thanksgiving. Yeah, it's the holiday where everyone eats turkey. No, we're having goose.","Frasier: Daphne, when you're finished with that, could you please bring us some snacks to soak up this wine?","Niles: Yes, and a little more wine. Who knew my sorrows would be such strong swimmers?","Daphne carries the phone to the kitchen.","Daphne: I can't talk right now, Mum. Dr. Crane has guests. Yeah, he's still out of work.","Reset to: Kitchen Daphne comes in and lays out some snacks and another bottle of wine. The crock is sitting on the snack tray.","Daphne: Of course I'm worried he might let me go. I worry about it every day. But I'm coping.","She drains her own glass of wine.","Reset to: Living Room Roz comes out with a baby bag.","Roz: Alice is so cute. She fell asleep hugging her bottle. Niles is slumped against the couch arm, cradling the wine bottle.","Niles: I'm right behind her.","Frasier: Niles, will you please stop being so morose? It is Thanksgiving.","Niles: Oh, you're right! I should count my blessings: I'm in the midst of a bitter divorce; Maris is freezing my assets, forcing me to live in the Shangri-La, which is the devil's own apartment complex - where last night they turned off my heat, re-freezing my assets!","He claps his hands sarcastically.","Frasier: We're all going through a bit of a rough patch. Look at Roz and me, we're out of a job.","Roz: Oh, not me. I just took a phone temp job in customer service. I can work from wherever I am, they just patch the calls through.","Frasier: Well, now you see? There's a positive attitude!","Daphne comes out of the kitchen in time to hear:","Frasier: Some people see losing a job as an opportunity! [Daphne brings the snacks] Oh, thank you.","Daphne retreats into the kitchen, looking worried. Roz's cell phone rings.","Roz: Hello? [sexy voice] Oh, hello. Yes, this is Monique. Frasier and Niles are shocked.","Roz: I'm just lying in the tub, soaping myself all over...","Frasier: Good heavens, Roz! Is that the sort of customer you're servicing?! Hang that up!","Roz: Call me later, Tiger, okay? [hangs up; normal voice] What? It pays the bills, and I'm not tied to a desk.","Frasier: Not unless they ask you to be!","Niles' spirits lift enough for him to snigger. Martin comes out.","Martin: Well, good news, the Cowboys just scored. Bad news is, I kinda screamed and woke somebody's baby up.","Roz gasps and runs to the hallway. Daphne comes out again.","Frasier: Oh Daphne, my bath salts man has just delivered a new shipment of my proprietary blend - could you please run me a tub tonight?","Daphne: [sweetly] Oh, of course I will, Dr. Crane. [comes and refills their wine glasses] What would you do without me? [to Niles] A little more?","She notices his sad face.","Daphne: I know things have been tough lately, but they'll turn around for you. [caresses his cheek] Just watch.","She goes to the kitchen again. Niles, dumbstruck, feels his cheek as if blessed.","Niles: She's an angel. You're right, Frasier. I'm being too morose. I'm not taking action. [gets up] I'm telling Daphne I love her, tonight!","Frasier: [grabs him] Niles, let's not be rash. Come on, come on, let's get you some fresh air.","Niles: I don't want air, I want Daphne!","Frasier pulls him out to the balcony. Roz's cell phone rings. Martin looks around, sees he is alone, and gets up to answer it.","Martin: Hello? Long pause, while Martin gets a confused look.","Martin: Well, thank you, you've got a nice, deep voice too. [looks more confused] Uh - oh, I don't know. [looks down] Uh, brown pants and a plaid shirt - Hello? Hello?","He shrugs and hangs up. Roz comes out and sees Niles yelling and gesturing wildly at Frasier.","Roz: Is everything all right? What's wrong with Niles? Daphne sticks her head out and hears:","Martin: He decided that today's the day he's going to tell Daphne.","Roz: He's gonna tell Daphne with all of us here? That's gonna be uncomfortable.","Martin: I know, but I guess he figures he just can't afford to wait any longer.","Daphne retreats again. Frasier pulls Niles back in.","Frasier: All right, Niles - [Niles breaks away] Niles, Niles, please! Daphne runs out.","Niles: [passionately] Daphne...!","Daphne: Dr. Crane, I know what you're going to do!","Niles: You do?!","Daphne: Not you, Dr. Crane - Dr. Crane! And you can't fire me, because I quit!","Frasier: What?","Daphne: After all I've done to save you money! I'm washing my face with dish soap while you're out buying imported bath salts like a big rich girl! I hope you rot in debtors' prison!","She storms to her room.","[N.B. GREAT delivery by Jane Leeves on that last line.]","Niles: She's an angel!","[N.B. The year 1998, and the specific circumstances referred to fix this Niles was at a low point. Also, a slight discontinuity here - Roz was not aware of Niles' feelings for Daphne until [6.16] \"Decoys,\" much later in Season Six, after she and Frasier had gotten their jobs back.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Six - Living Room Morning. Frasier sees a woman to the elevator.","SUPRA: \"1996\"","Frasier: I'll pick you up at seven, my angel.","He turns around with a moonstruck smile. Daphne and Martin are seated at the dining table.","Frasier: You'd better get used to the name \"Evelyn Griebel,\" because you're going to be hearing an awful lot of it around here. Evelyn Griebel - sounds like music, doesn't it?","Daphne: Haven't you only been dating her a week?","Frasier: Well yes, and you know how loath I am to use the expression \"she may be the one,\" but I think in this case it's appropriate.","Both Daphne and Martin have a weary look on their faces - they know he's setting himself up for a fall, and know how useless it is to try and tell him. Niles comes out of the hallway in a huff.","Niles: I finally got Maris calmed down. I hope you're happy.","Frasier: All I said was, \"Maris, why the long face?\"","Niles: Yes, and now she's on the phone to her chin-grinder in Zurich.","The doorbell rings.","Frasier: Yeah, I'll get that. It's probably Roz. He opens the door to her.","Frasier: Well?","Roz: Sorry I'm late, but I had a date.","Frasier: Yes, I thought that was last night.","Roz: It was a good date. How's your new girlfriend?","Frasier: I allowed her to climb to the first base camp on Mount Crane and I believe she's feeling the effects of the altitude. [laughs]","Roz: Is one of them nausea? Cause I'm getting that right now.","Frasier: Oh, shut up!","At the table, Martin holds up the crock, which now has labels on it.","Martin: Hey, you hungry, Roz? There's cheese here. Oh, nobody opened it.","Frasier: Dear God, Dad, that's three years old! Throw it out!","Martin: No, it'll be fine. Sure you don't want any? The label says it's \"famously spreadable.\"","Niles: Funny, Roz, doesn't your label say the same thing?","Roz: What does yours say, Niles - \"may cause drowsiness\"? I'm just having some fun, 'cause I know I'll be settling down someday.","Frasier: Yes well, thank God my dating days are over! Three years on the Seattle singles scene is quite enough, thank you.","The phone rings, Frasier answers.","Frasier: Hello? Oh hi, Evelyn. [puts the phone to his shoulder] She can't go five minutes without talking to me. [into phone] Listen, I'm really looking forward to dinner tomorrow... I see. Well, if tomorrow's no good... I see.","Roz, Niles, Daphne, and Martin are all trading looks, daring each other to act surprised.","Frasier: But you said you were having such a lovely time... I see. Perhaps I'd better take this in my room.","He goes to his room, passing Eddie sitting in his chair.","Frasier: Oh, what are you smirking at?!","[N.B. The year 1996, and the fact that Niles is still with Maris, \"The Last Time I Saw Maris,\" when Niles and Maris separated.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Seven - Living Room Evening. Frasier is reading a book on the couch. Eddie is sitting up next to him, staring at him.","SUPRA: \"1993\"","Frasier: What are you staring at?","Martin comes out, wearing the same sweater-vest he wore in [1.01], \"The Good Son.\"","Martin: It's fourteen.","Frasier: What?","Martin: You're reading about Jack Russell terriers, right? That's how many years they live - fourteen.","Frasier sheepishly closes the book. The doorbell rings. Frasier gets up and answers it to Niles, with a shopping bag.","Frasier: Oh, hello, Niles.","Niles: Ah, there are the merry bachelors in their swinging new pad!","Martin just looks grumpily at him.","Frasier: Where's Maris?","Niles: Uh, she's taken to her bed. This large-earring fad has compressed her spine. Where is your, uh, enchanting new home healthcare worker?","Daphne comes out, wearing the short sundress-and-stockings ensemble and piled-up hairstyle she made famous in the first season.","Daphne: I just found out what that second toilet in me loo is for! [laughs] Talk about a shock!","Niles: Hello there.","Daphne: Hello. You're, uh... oh, don't tell me, I'm good with names. Uh... Miles Crane!","Niles: ...Yes, I am! And-and you're Daphne Moon, from Manchester, where you developed a liking for Nickerson's Lemon Biscuits.","He takes a box out of the bag.","Daphne: What a kind man you are, Miles Crane.","She takes the biscuits and turns away. Niles grimaces in disappointment.","Frasier: Oh by the way, I've invited Roz Doyle to join us - she's my producer over at the radio station. She had no plans this evening - you know, I think the poor thing has a hard time meeting men.","Niles: Hm.","Frasier: [heads to the bar] Anyway, would you care for a scotch, Niles?","Niles: Uh yes - actually, I'm in a sherry mood tonight.","Frasier: Sherry? What an intriguing idea. Think I could scare up a bottle of sherry.","He goes into the kitchen. The doorbell rings again.","Daphne: Oh, I'll get it.","She answers it to Roz. Frasier comes out of the kitchen removing the cork from a bottle of sherry.","Frasier: Oh hi, Roz, come on in. Uh, I'd like you to meet my dad. This is Martin Crane, and his home healthcare worker, Daphne Moon, and of course this is my brother, Niles Crane.","[N.B. Another slight discontinuity - this is Season One, but Roz and Martin actually first met in [1.06], \"The Crucible\" - which was also the first time she saw Frasier's apartment.]","Daphne: Oh my God, is it Niles? Oh, I feel so embarrassed.","Niles: Oh no, please, don't be. Actually, I prefer Miles.","As he says this, he casually leans back against the cabinet - knocking over the books on top and nearly falling after them himself. Daphne bends over to pick them up, and her bum stretches against her dress, mesmerizing Niles. When she straightens up, he fixes his gaze on the ceiling.","The doorbell rings again.","Martin: Oh, that'll be my pizza. Could you get it?","Frasier: What? You are not having pizza. I made a duck.","Martin: What, you're gonna tell me what I can eat now?","Frasier: No, I'm just saying that it's rude to bring your own food to a dinner party.","Martin goes to the kitchen as Frasier opens the door to the pizza delivery boy - Kenny, wearing a denim jacket and with long, shaggy black hair.","Kenny: Hi.","Frasier: Oh, hello.","Kenny: Twelve bucks.","Frasier: Right.","Kenny: Hey, aren't you that new radio shrink at KACL - Dr. Frasier Crane, right?","Frasier: Yes, yes I am. It's always nice to meet a fan.","Kenny: Well actually, I'm in the radio game myself. This pizza thing is just paying the bills until a job opens up. Maybe you could put a good word in for me down at the-","Frasier mumbles \"thank you\" and shuts the door in Kenny's face. He carries the pizza to the dining table as Martin comes out with the crock.","Roz: Pizza smells good.","Martin: Well, have some. It's called a Dirty Dozen. Twelve delicious toppings, and not one of them duck.","Frasier: This from the gourmet who dumped my Cornish Yarg cheese down the disposal.","Martin: It was covered with mold!","Frasier: It was supposed to be!","Martin: Well, I said I'd replace it, didn't I? And here it is, I hope you're happy.","He places the crock on the table. Frasier picks it up and reads the label.","Frasier: \"With pasteurized, processed, cheese-flavored snack food.\" [looks inside] Dear God, it looks like someone melted down a highway cone.","Martin: Just trying to be nice, you don't need to be a jerk about it.","Frasier: You're right, Dad, I'm sorry, thank you. [to Niles] Would you please join me in the kitchen...?","Niles is standing at Daphne's side, smelling her hair.","Frasier: Miles!","Reset to: Kitchen Niles follows Frasier in. Frasier is carrying the crock.","Frasier: He is driving me batty! All right, we are making a deal. He spends six months here, and then he's moving into your house.","Niles: Absolutely, we'll switch off.","They shake hands on it.","Martin: [o.s.] Someone bring me a beer?","Roz: [o.s.] Yeah, beer sounds good.","Frasier: I should have just gotten a keg. I tell you something, this is the last time I try to make a nice dinner for these people!","He picks up the crock and reads the label again. The camera zooms in on it...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Eight - Present Day Back to where we left off. Frasier smiles, closes the garbage, then fits the broken piece back onto the crock, goes out and places it in the center of the table.","[N.B. \"Of course I'm respectable, I'm old. Whores, ugly buildings and politicians all become respectable if they last long enough.\" - John Huston in \"Chinatown.\"]","The doorbell rings. Frasier walks to the door, passing Martin coming from the hallway.","Frasier: Oh, hey Dad.","Martin: Hey, Fras.","Frasier: Dinner's ready.","Martin: All right.","Frasier opens the door to Daphne, Niles, and Roz.","Frasier: Hello, you guys, come on in. He hugs and kisses his family and friends, as they all ad-lib greetings.","[SCENE_BREAK]","END OF ACT TWO","[SCENE_BREAK]","The table is set, and the Crane family are sitting down to dinner. To complete the place setting, Roz comes in from the kitchen with some flowers in a small glass jar. She begins to set it down in the center, but Frasier takes it from her, and sentimentally decides to put the crock in the place of honor. Martin is touched, and says so; Roz makes a wry remark, remembering her bogus birthday gift.","Frasier moves the flowers from the jar to the crock, then pours the water into it. It springs out of a dozen cracks in the sides, then pours out of a hole in the bottom. Everyone leaps away from the table, then scrambles to mop up the water."],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"11x22","Episode Title":"Crock Tales","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Frasier_11x23.json","Recap":["While on a plane, Frasier meets a woman named Anne. They engage in conversation and in flashback, Frasier recalls the events preceding his plane ride: Frasier and Niles volunteer to put together a quick wedding for Martin and Ronee when the venue is only available for one day. Meanwhile, Frasier says farewell to Charlotte as she departs for Chicago. The wedding ceremony gets off to a rocky start when the guests are stranded outside in the heat and things get worse when Eddie swallows one of the rings. Daphne and Niles rush him to a nearby veterinarian and while there, Daphne goes into labor and gives birth to her and Niles' first son, whom they name David. Ronee and Martin get married at the vet clinic. Frasier's agent Bebe Glazer gets him an offer to do a television show in San Francisco, which Frasier initially declines but after realizing that he wants to start a new chapter in his life, he accepts. A case of communication breakdowns lead Martin, Ronee, Roz, Daphne and Niles to believe that Frasier is dying, an error given more substantial backing when he begins giving them each some of his most prized possessions, and when a doctor phones and leaves a message saying that Frasier's 'results weren't good.' The misunderstanding is soon cleared up and the family celebrates Frasier's new opportunity in San Francisco. Before he leaves, Frasier and his family share a tearful farewell and Frasier explains to them that with Martin and Ronee newly-weds and Daphne and Niles' newborn, David, and Roz getting the job of station manager at KACL they each have begun a new chapter in their lives and that he wants that for himself now. He then goes on to recite Tennyson's \"Ulysses\" which flows into him saying it in his last show. Frasier records his last show, with the people who work at KACL and his family watching him, his final words on his talk show are \"For eleven years, you have heard me say 'I'm listening'; well you were listening too, and for that I'm eternally grateful...Goodnight Seattle\", and hangs up his headphones before the episode flashes back to the plane, where Frasier has just finished relaying his story to Anne. In a final twist, the plane touches down not in San Francisco, but in Chicago. Frasier turns to Anne and says \"Wish me luck...\", then the episode (and the series) ends, in a perpetual cliffhanger. Episode Note: Niles and Daphne's son was named David in David Angell's honor."],"Transcript":["[N.B. The transcript has not been divided cleanly in half, owing to the extended length of the U.S. broadcast version. So, Acts One and Five have been transcribed by Nick Hartley, and Acts Two, Three and Four by Mike Lee.]","Skyline: A rainbow arcs out of the building line and touches the first letter of the title.","ACT ONE","Scene One - An Airplane Cabin A rather pensive Frasier Crane is sitting on a plane, looking out of the window. It would seem the plane is going through some turbulence - a jolt of which is especially felt by Anne, the young lady in black sitting next to him.","Frasier: [calmly] You all right?","Anne takes a deep sigh and turns to him, still pressing herself into the seat.","Anne: [embarrassed smile] I hate flying.","Frasier: Just a little turbulence, we'll be through it in a minute.","Another jolt makes Frasier doubt his words.","Frasier: Mother of God!","Anne: This is so embarrassing. I mean, I treat people for this. I'm a psychiatrist.","Frasier: Well, there's a small world, I'm a psychiatrist too. [putting out his hand:] Dr. Frasier Crane.","Anne: Ooh, I've heard your show. [returning the handshake:] Dr. Anne Ranberg.","[N.B. Anne Ranberg is a blend of the names of two previous Frasier writers; Anne Flett-Giordano and Chuck Ranberg.]","Frasier: Lovely to meet you.","Anne: Nice to meet you. Now, don't let me interrupt you. You seemed kinda deep in thought.","Frasier: Oh, I suppose I was. It's been a rather eventful three weeks for me.","Anne: Well, if you want to talk about it, it might get our minds off the flight.","Frasier: It's really rather personal... It's nothing you'd be interested in.","Anne: [accepting] Okay, then.","They sit back comfortably into silence but after another jolt of turbulence...","Frasier: So I was dating this woman...","Anne: Mmm-hmm...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Two - Frasier's Bedroom The scene takes us back with Frasier's story. Frasier and Charlotte are wrapped in each other's arms in his bed. They look perfectly serene.","Charlotte: [drowsily] Weren't we on our way to lunch?","Frasier: Yes, but then you followed me in here when I came to get my briefcase and uttered the fatal phrase that no man can resist.","Charlotte: [laughing] I said I liked your pillow shams.","Frasier: Nice try, my little temptress, but I'm down for at least an hour.","Charlotte: [laughs and caresses his face] Do you still have time for lunch before work?","Frasier: Well, my show doesn't start till two, and it's only...","Frasier looks at the clock to see how many more Frasier hours Charlotte will be able to clock up.","Frasier: [jumps up in bed] Oh dear God! It is two o'clock.","SMASH CUT TO: Radio Station Roz is stressing on the phone as an even more anxious Kenny bursts in.","Kenny: Where the hell is he?","Roz: I don't know. [hanging up] I called his cell, I called his house... You're going to have to go on for him.","Kenny: Me?!","Roz: Yeah, you - well, I'm not. Last time I did it, it was a total disaster!","[N.B. An obvious reference to [10.2] \"Enemy at the Gate,\" when an overconfident Roz took over Frasier's show, and ended up letting slip over the air that she and Frasier had slept together.]","Roz: Aren't you always saying you used to be a DJ?","Kenny: Oh, twenty years ago, I can't do that anymore!","Roz: Well, it better come back to you, you've got five seconds.","Roz pushes him into the presenter's booth.","Kenny: I can't! I'm a nervous wreck! My palms are sweaty, my mouth is like cotton...","Roz directs him to the microphone and instantly Kenny becomes a hideous D.J. monster with a voice sounding like the voice-over narrator on movie trailers after a bad dose of helium.","Kenny: Hey, Emerald City, Kenny Daly heerrre! Master of the Mike, Baron of the Booth, the Man of the Hour, too sweet to be sourrrr! [puts on headphones] The doctor's ouuuut today, but Kenny's heerrre - filling the seat, takin' the heat! I might even throw in a call or two to Grandma Gert. [typical old lady's voice:] But no kids, I hate kids! [back to the voice of D.J. Daly Hell] Whoo-hoo, she's in a mood today!","Kenny looks up at an unbelieving Roz. However, he fails to translate the signals being made by her boggling eyes, and just grins.","CUT TO: Frasier's Bedroom Meanwhile, back in the bedroom... Charlotte is listening to Kenny's ramblings as Frasier dresses in the bathroom.","Kenny: [v.o. from the radio:] Who's this coming into the booth? Why, it's Percy Von Snootenheim!","Frasier: [o.s. from the bathroom] Turn that off!","Charlotte complies as Frasier comes out of the bathroom dressed for work.","Frasier: I'm sorry I have to rush off. I wish we could spend the whole day together. [leans in to kiss Charlotte]","Charlotte: I don't leave for Chicago until midnight. I'll, I'll come over and make you dinner.","Frasier: Oh that sounds great, I'd love that.","They touch hands and then part.","Charlotte: Any requests?","Frasier: Uh... I liked what I had for lunch.","Charlotte: [blushing] Why don't I just surprise you?","Frasier: Still sounding like lunch.","He laughs and leans in to kiss her again.","CUT TO: Radio Station Back in the studio, Roz's mind begins to shut down as she listens to Kenny embarrass himself further. He is sat with his feet on the console, and the microphone in his hands.","Kenny: Isn't that a great song, people? Really brings back the memories. Sorry I kinda forgot the words there in the middle. So let's toss it to the news! [clicks a button with vigor]","Frasier sneakily enters from the producer's door.","Roz: Where the hell have you been?","Frasier: I'm sorry, I am sorry. I had a doctor's appointment, it couldn't be helped!","Frasier enters the presenter's booth and relieves Kenny of his duties.","Kenny: Just in time, Doc. This turned out to be one of your better shows.","Frasier: Well thank you, Kenny.","Frasier sits in worry to find his angst rising when an old friend suddenly appears in the booth. Behold, the return of Special Agent Bebe Glazer - licensed to make you a star!","Bebe: Darling!","Frasier: Bebe?! What are you doing here?","Bebe: [flinging her arms around him] I just came by to see my favorite client, [kisses him on the cheek, then turns to Kenny] and the wonderful man who's giving him such a happy, happy home.","Kenny: Ah, you're the best, Bebe!","Bebe smiles as she shuts the door on him, and then in a heartbeat turns to Frasier and says:","Bebe: Good news, I'm busting you out of this hellhole!","Frasier: What?!","Bebe: Did you ever hear of Dr. Mark Reisman?","[N.B. Mark Reisman is a reference to a man of the same name who previously worked on \"Frasier\" as a producer.]","Frasier: The San Francisco radio psychiatrist? Yes, we had a nice encounter once at a conference.","Bebe: Well, last week he had a not-so-nice encounter with a falling air conditioner.","She sticks her tongue out and gestures to her throat as if to slit it.","Bebe: Anyway, they want you to replace him and the money's huge!","Frasier: Poor Mark... what a ghastly way to die!","Bebe: Yes, I cried so hard it was all I could do to stuff your demo tape in the Fed-Ex pouch. But they want you!","Frasier: Well, it's very tempting, Bebe, but I'm very happy here in Seattle. I don't want to leave.","Bebe: Darling, it's San Francisco! Do you know what life is like there for a good-looking straight man? You'll be like a Snickers bar at a fat camp!","She knows just what to say to tempt him mightily. He considers it for a moment, then...","Frasier: [resisting the Bebe temptation] Uhhh... No. My answer is still no, Bebe. I've got to begin my show. [sits down]","Bebe heads to the door and to the next stage of her plea.","Bebe: Well, that's gratitude for ya! Do you have any idea the lengths I went to to make this happen? [opens the door]","Frasier: Wait a minute. You were in San Francisco last week. Don't tell me...!","Bebe: I was nowhere near that air conditioner. [teasing:] You're worse than the police.","Bebe giggles like the Devil and leaves Dr. Faust-ier without his soul.","[SCENE_BREAK]","THE GULFS MAY WASH","US DOWN","Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment - Kitchen We are presented with a visual image of Charlotte's opening line: her cooking at the stove, Frasier behind her with his arm wrapped around her waist, nuzzling her affectionately.","Charlotte: We are such a clich\u00e9! Little woman at the stove, big rugged man with his brawny arm...","Frasier: Oh, the hollandaise is breaking!","As she turns her attention to the imperilled sauce, Frasier removes his brawny arm and enters the living room, carrying a bottle of wine.","Reset to: Living Room The table is set for two. Martin, dressed in his suit, enters from his bedroom.","Frasier: Dad, I thought you were going out with Niles and Daphne?","Martin: I'm waiting on Ronee.","Frasier: Yes, well, Charlotte is leaving for Chicago in three hours. This is our farewell dinner.","Charlotte enters, carrying two plates.","Charlotte: Oh, hi Martin.","Martin: Oh, hi, how are ya? Don't worry, we're leaving. I'm not going to spoil your romantic mood. [shouts down the hallway:] Hey, Ronee, what, did you fall in?!","The doorbell sounds.","Frasier: Good heavens, I thought that you were meeting them downstairs.","Martin: [heading to the door] That's what I thought too.","Martin opens the door to find a befuddled Kenny Daly.","Kenny: Hey, Martin. Oh, thank God you're home, Doc. I'm going a little crazy, I need some advice.","Frasier: [trying to excuse him] Kenny, we just put dinner on the table.","Kenny: Oh thanks but I'm too worked up to eat. Doing your show today, I... I got the fever! I want to get back behind the mike. But should I quit my job, throw away my whole career and financial security just to chase some cock-a-mamie dream?!","Frasier: [with a big smile] Yes! Off you go!","Kenny: You didn't even have to think about it! You always believed in me, Doc!","Kenny throws his arms around Frasier in a zealous hug. He suddenly spots Charlotte and, whilst still hugging Frasier, holds out his hand.","Kenny: Hi. Kenny Daly.","Charlotte: [shakes hand] Hi, nice to meet you.","Frasier: This is Charlotte.","Kenny: [welling up] I'm getting all messy here. Let me just pop into the powder room real fast.","Kenny leaves to the powder room as Martin shouts back down the hallway.","Martin: Ronee! While we're young!","Ronee: [enters] Too late! [to Frasier] Well, have a great evening, you two.","Frasier: Yes, thank you. Bye.","Ronee: Oh damn it, my contact slipped, hang on.","Ronee opens the powder room door.","Kenny: [o.s. from the bathroom] Whoa!","Ronee: Whoa yourself. [closes door] Do we know him?","The front door opens revealing the terrible twosome... nearly threesome.","Niles: Knock-knock.","Frasier: Oh, for God's sake!","Niles: Now, I know it's your special night but my very pregnant wife insisted we come up.","Daphne: [holding up her hands, pushing her legs together] Oh sorry, won't be a minute.","Daphne goes for the powder room door.","Kenny: [o.s. from the bathroom] Whoa!","Daphne: [closes the door] Oh, sorry! I'll just run down the hall.","Charlotte: Maybe I'll start over on that dinner.","Daphne leaves as Charlotte excuses herself to the kitchen. Martin, Niles, and Ronee, to Frasier's great frustration, sit down to wait for Daphne.","Niles: I'm sorry for intruding, but nowadays Daphne can't go ten minutes... we're late for everything.","Frasier: Yes, well, you know how Chez Henri hates it when people are Late, so I tell you what, why don't we call for that elevator right now...","He energetically goes to the door, urging everyone to follow him.","Frasier: And tell Henri that the first round of drinks is on me!","Frasier opens the door to find another surprise. A drunken surprise. Of English heritage.","Simon: Whiskey, please!","Frasier: Simon?!","Simon: Oh Frasier, how are ya? [greets Frasier with a hug]","Frasier: Please leave immediately.","Simon bellows a laugh as Daphne returns.","Simon: Hey! Oh, there's my little sister. You're not so little any more now, are you? [he advances to her pregnant bump]","Daphne: [stands back from the drunk smell] Simon, what are you doing here?","Simon: Well I heard you was knocked up so I, er, brought you a present. Come on in, lads!","Richard E. Grant and Robbie Coltrane enter... um, sorry, I mean Daphne's brothers, Michael and Stephen Moon, enter from the hallway. Daphne greets them with excitement. Frasier and Niles greet them with immediate concern.","Michael: Hello, sis!","Daphne: Oh my God, Michael! [hugs him] And Stephen! [hugs him]","Simon: We knew you'd be here when we went to your house and you wasn't there.","Stephen: So we took the liberty of leaving our things in your guest room.","Niles: How did you get in?","Michael: [mumbled, pointing at Niles] How did we...","They burst out into a fit of boisterous laughter.","It should be noted that all of Michael's speech is mumbled, which combined with his thick accent makes his speech very hard to understand. Think of the character of Joseph in \"Wuthering Heights\" and move west over the Pennines.","I must say, Coltrane's attempt at the Mancunian accent is easily the best seen so far on the show. Interestingly, he is also a Scot in reality, just like Brian Cox, who played Daphne's father, Harry. --Nick Hartley","[N.B. Think also of Brad Pitt's character in Guy Ritchie's \"Snatch.\" However, I notice that Nick is uniquely qualified to make some sense of it. The American transcribers doing the closed captioning for the episode simply wrote, \"unintelligible gibberish.\" --Mike Lee]","Daphne: Stephen and Michael, this is my husband, Niles. [hand shakes occur] Oh and his brother, Frasier. And this is Martin and his fianc\u00e9e Ronee. And, er, [looking over at the previous occupant of the bathroom] sorry, your name again?","Kenny: Kenny.","Daphne: Kenny.","Michael: So, lads, I tell you what... [mumbling] You've a lovely 'ouse. [motioning around the room] It's come rhand thee're, rhand thee're... [mumbling unintelligibly] he's done bloody well for himself.","Simon: That's right, Michael. Frasier does very well for himself. Tell you what, let's take the tour.","Frasier: [hands up] There will be no tours!","Martin: Listen, uh, why don't you guys join us for dinner?","Stephen: Good, I'll lay the table. [picks up cutlery] Is this real silver? [attempts to bend it]","Frasier: Give me that! [takes it off of him]","Michael, meanwhile, is man-handling Frasier's Chihuly glass sculpture.","Michael: Oh, wow, see, platey, platey, platey... [mumbling unintelligibly] It's a bloody great ash tray.","Frasier: [shrieks in terror] Put that down!","He rushes over and takes it from him in disgust.","[N.B. Since the Chihuly is genuine and valued at upwards of $75,000, what Robbie Coltrane and Kelsey Grammer are juggling may well be a replica.]","CUT TO: Kitchen Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Charlotte is back cooking at the stove, smiling happily - unaware that Simon is the man fondling her from behind.","Charlotte: [teasing:] You know, we could have some real fun if you got rid of some of those people.","Simon: Oh, just give us a minute then, love...","Charlotte screams and runs into the lounge. Simon follows.","Reset to: Living Room Frasier runs over to catch Charlotte coming out.","Charlotte: Who is that creep?","Simon: You know, I'm getting some very mixed signals.","Frasier: All right, that's it! I want you all out of here! [pushing Simon] And I do not mean a leisurely exit, I mean a break-neck, trampling-each-other, this-theatre's-on-fire stampede!","They all leave but Simon holds up for a second.","Simon: Yeah, all right, okay, I can take a hint, Frasier! Right. Look, that's a lovely woman that you've got for yourself. Congratulations.","He hugs Frasier.","Frasier: Yes, thank you.","Simon: Yeah, yeah. [looks over Frasier's shoulder at Charlotte and gestures to her] Give us a call, I'll be at Daphne's...","Frasier: Oh, get out of here!","Frasier pushes him out and finally slams the door on them for the peace with Charlotte he desired.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene Four - Apartment, three hours later. Frasier and Charlotte are finishing up their final game of Scrabble.","Frasier: Because it's not a word.","Charlotte: Yes, it is.","Frasier: No, it's not.","Charlotte: Yes, it is.","Frasier: Use it in a sentence.","Charlotte: \"Her grandmother's bed was warm and... quilty.\"","Frasier: [looking at another of her words] And why is she lying there? Because she's feeling all \"befevered\" again?","Charlotte: [smiling sweetly] Could I borrow your \"F\"? I've got a little message for you.","He chuckles. Charlotte's mobile rings. She answers.","Charlotte: Hello. Okay, thanks. [hangs up] My car's here. Frasier murmurs in understanding.","[N.B. In Laura Linney's recent film, \"Love Actually\" the trademark of her character was a stubborn refusal to turn her mobile off, no matter how many times it rang at just the right moment to kill romance.]","Frasier: I still don't know why you won't let me drive you to the airport.","Charlotte: No, I can't stand all that airport goodbye stuff. This is better. [goes to gather her belongings]","Frasier: Right. Uh, well then...","Frasier and Charlotte walk towards each other.","Charlotte: Let's not...","Frasier: ...right.","Charlotte: [tearing up] Because if you start...","Frasier: Yeah. Me too. Okay. Well then, uh, good luck in Chicago.","Charlotte and Frasier look into each other's eyes. Frasier is in the middle of yet another goodbye. They hug dearly.","Charlotte: Thanks.","Frasier: Got your ticket?","Charlotte: [looks in bag] Uh, yeah.","Frasier: Great, great. Oh, oh, [darts to set of drawers next to toilet] listen, I have a little something here for you.","Charlotte: Damn it. I knew you were going to do something sweet like that. I didn't get you anything.","Frasier: It's just a hair band I found in the shower drain.","He presents the lost band to her.","Charlotte: Thanks.","Frasier: Yeah. [chuckles] Uh, let me get your coat. [he does]","Charlotte: This wasn't supposed to be so hard.","Frasier: [helping her on with her coat] I don't know about you, but I've had enough easy goodbyes. I'm kinda glad to have the chance to have another tough one.","Charlotte: [putting her hand in his] Thank you for a great three weeks.","They kiss goodbye.","Frasier: Bye, Charlotte.","Charlotte: Bye, Frasier.","She leaves. Frasier looks back at his empty apartment and begins to slowly walk back to the sofa. He is stopped by a knock on the door. He opens it to find Charlotte back again.","Charlotte: Forgot my scarf!","Frasier: Oh. Oh, my fault.","He tenderly winds it around her neck.","Frasier: Right. They tentatively kiss once more goodbye.","Frasier: Bye.","Charlotte: Yeah.","She leaves. Frasier looks back again at his once more empty apartment and begins to slowly walk back to the sofa only to find another, albeit similar, interruption. He opens the door again...","Charlotte: Cell phone.","Frasier: Oh. Yes. Yes. Oh, here.","Frasier goes round the room to take the cell phone off of the table. Charlotte chooses a different route. They make a move at the same times and bang their heads together.","Both: Ow!","Frasier: Sorry.","Charlotte: No, it's my fault.","Frasier: My word. Ah....","They look back at each other, clutching their heads.","Charlotte: See ya.","Frasier: See ya.","She leaves. Frasier looks back and... you know the drill.","Frasier: Oh for God's sake, what now?","He opens the door and finds Charlotte open-armed. They hug passionately.","Charlotte: We couldn't say goodbye on a head butt. They kiss passionately.","Charlotte: Feel better?","Frasier: Positively quilty.","They part. For real.","[SCENE_BREAK]","END OF ACT ONE","[SCENE_BREAK]","ACT TWO","Scene Five - Apartment The next morning. Martin opens the door to Niles, carrying a shopping bag.","Martin: Oh hey, Niles.","Niles: Hey, Dad.","Martin: What are you doing here?","Niles: Escaping. I woke this morning to find Daphne's brothers playing a game called \"I Can Reach It From Here.\" Give you a hint, the \"It\" was a toilet. And there were no winners.","They sit at the dinner table.","Niles: Oh, also I stopped by to see how Frasier's holding up.","Martin: Well, he was asleep when I got home, and he's still in bed.","Niles: He's probably depressed. I'm sure this whole Charlotte thing has got him bereft...","Martin: Ooh, shh, shh!","Frasier has entered - looking rested and serene.","Frasier: Morning, Dad. Hey, Niles. They ad-lib greetings.","Martin: Let me get you a cup of coffee. [goes to the kitchen]","Frasier: Well, I can get it.","Niles: [takes out a bag] I brought you some of those cookies you like.","Frasier: Milanos! Oh, well thank you.","Martin brings a tray from the kitchen.","Martin: Now you just sit down, I made you a little breakfast.","Frasier: I see what's going on. You think I'm in tatters because Charlotte's gone back to Chicago. Well, I'm not. [sits down] I'm not going to say I won't miss her like crazy. But we knew going in that our time was limited. We made the most of it. I have no regrets.","The door opens to admit Simon, Michael, and Stephen.","Simon: Morning!","Frasier: Except for leaving that door unlocked.","Daphne follows them in.","Daphne: We thought you might like to join us for brunch.","Frasier: Darn! ...Niles and I just reserved a squash court.","Niles: Yes! And we're on thin ice with the appointments director as it is. He's already moved our lockers next to the flip-flop drop.","Simon has already flopped down onto the couch. Daphne lowers herself into Martin's chair.","Michael: [mumbling unintelligibly, gesturing around the apartment] ... this whole place... [mumbling]","Simon: That's right, Michael, Frasier has a very nice flat. But you was here last night.","Michael: ...Was I?","Daphne: I think I need to sit down a minute before we go. [sinks into Martin's chair] Can you believe this baby might be two weeks late?","Stephen: [patting her belly] He's a Moon, all right! Every lad in our family was at least two weeks late. Once we get comfy, nothing budges us. Right, lads?","Simon\/Michael: Right!","Daphne: Could I get a glass of water, please?","Niles: Glass of water, yes. [motions toward kitchen]","Frasier: Right, right...","Michael: Oh, Fras-or? Be a good lad... [mumbling, miming the shape of a can with his hands] nice big... [mumbling] Right, lads?","Stephen and Simon yell and raise their hands.","Michael: [holding up four fingers] Three! Frasier and Niles, at a loss, go into the kitchen.","Reset to: Kitchen Frasier gets Daphne's water while Niles removes some kind of electronic device from the shopping bag he's carrying.","Frasier: Do you have any idea what he's saying?","Niles: Not a word. Apparently Stephen was dropped as a child.","Frasier: Well, I thought the mumbler was Michael.","Niles: He was dropped on Michael. The idea that our son might take after them is making me crazy!","Frasier: Now Niles, just remember, those hearty Crane genes are in there too.","Niles: Oh, please. Those Moon genes have probably beaten our genes up and stolen their lunch money! That is why I am taking action. I was going to wait to do this until tonight, but I can see that every minute is critical.","Frasier: What's this?","Niles: This is called \"The Born Musician.\" You put this speaker on the mother's stomach, and it bombards the baby with classical music, thus instilling a taste for higher culture.","Frasier: Huh. Closest thing we had to that was Dad bongo-ing out \"Babalu\" on Mom's belly.","They go back out.","Reset to: Living Room Daphne is admiring a new watch on her wrist as Stephen looks on.","Frasier: Here we are.","Daphne: Niles, look what Stephen just gave me. You know who'll be jealous? Mrs. Zicklin from our building. Doesn't she have one just like this?","Niles: [knowingly] No, I don't think she does.","He exchanges a look with Stephen, who grins and swaggers back to the couch.","Niles: I brought you a present too. This plays soothing music for the baby. You put this speaker here [places it on her stomach] just like that, and then if you want to hear a selection of, say - oh, I don't know, Vivaldi? - you turn this dial, and then...","As Simon and Stephen sit up with interest, the baby kicks, knocking the speaker to the floor.","Daphne: Oh, goodness! He's never kicked like that before.","Stephen: We've got a little foot-baller in there!","Simon: Finally we got something we can drink to!","Michael: Well, let's go to the pub!","Stephen\/Simon: YEAH!","They immediately rise and go to the door.","Simon\/Michael\/Stephen: [singing] We hate Nottingham Forest, we hate Liverpool too...","Simon: And Leeds!","Simon\/Michael\/Stephen: We hate Manchester...","They exit, leaving Niles even more anxious.","Daphne: Are you coming, Martin?","Martin: Oh, I'm still waiting on Ronee. We'll meet you at the restaurant.","Daphne: Okay.","Daphne exits. Ronee enters with the cordless phone.","Ronee: Marty?","Martin: Hmm?","Ronee: I just got off the phone with the Branford Inn. They called to confirm our wedding reservation - for May 15th.","Martin: But we're getting married July 15th.","Ronee: Yes, but they have us down for May. Apparently July 15th is booked, along with every other weekend between now and October.","Martin: What happened?","Ronee: I don't know, you made the reservation.","Martin: For July 15th! [to the boys] Well, I love how she blames me!","Ronee goes into the kitchen.","Martin: Why would I randomly pick a...? [realizes] Oh, no.","Frasier: What?","Martin: May 15th - Eddie's birthday.","Ronee comes out of the kitchen, Martin hugs her.","Niles: Well, I'm-I'm sure you can find someplace else.","Martin: Oh, but we had our hearts set on the Branford Inn. It's where we had our second date.","Ronee: Yeah, we had a little too much wine, and the couple at the next table said \"get a room,\" and so we did. Oh, well, guess we better start thinking about Plan B.","She exits.","Martin: Oh, damn. Well, I just feel sorry for Ronee. You know, her first wedding was kind of bare-boned, and that's why she had her heart set on something special. You know, a fancy menu, swing band, flowers everywhere. You need that once in your life.","While he has been saying this, Frasier and Niles have been exchanging looks with growing delight.","Frasier: You know, Dad... Niles and I have been wondering what to get you for your wedding, and... maybe we could just give you the wedding.","Niles: You still have the Branford Inn on the 15th.","Martin: But that's, that's eight days away! You have to get a caterer, a justice of the peace...","Frasier: Well, I can officiate. I still have my license from that time I married those commitment-phobes on my Valentine's Day show.","Niles: Are they still together?","Frasier: [raises a hand] Not the time, Niles.","Ronee comes back in with her purse.","Martin: Ronee, the boys think they can throw a fancy wedding together by May 15th.","Ronee: But that's in eight days!","The boys rise.","Niles: Well, it only took us four days to throw together our seafood- themed \"Friends of the Marina Bouilla-bash.\"","Frasier raises a hand, inviting applause.","Ronee: Well, all right, that-that's great of you guys, thank you! Martin and Ronee head for the door.","Martin: Wow, what do you know?","Ronee: Yeah, leave it to the Duke and Duchess to save our behinds!","Martin: Yeah...","Frasier and Niles stop grinning and look up.","Frasier: I'm sorry, leave it to whom?","Ronee: What, they don't know about that one?","Martin: Just keep walking.","They exit, leaving Frasier and Niles.","Both: [pointing] Well, obviously you're the duchess... They start arguing hotly.","[SCENE_BREAK]","THE HAPPY ISLES","Scene Six - The Branford Inn Jazz music is heard playing. The scene fades in on the dining room of the Branford inn, which has been sumptuously prepared. Caterers are still rushing about the room. Champagne and hors d'oeuvres have been laid on a buffet table, flowers adorn the windows - the whole nine yards.","As the scene fades in, Frasier, wearing a morning suit, claps his hands and halts a group of dancers who have been rehearsing a swing routine. The male dancers are dressed like cops, the female dancers like showgirls. The music stops.","Frasier: Dancers, rehearsal is over. Please wait upstairs. I don't want anyone to see you until the floor show.","The dancers exit. A guest taps on the glass door leading outside, rather urgently. Frasier runs over and cracks the door.","Frasier: I'm sorry, we're still setting up.","He closes the door in the man's face and addresses Clint, the Inn's host.","Frasier: Clint, would you please go outside and tell everyone they can't come in here until after the ceremony. It will spoil the entire reveal.","Niles enters, adjusting the coat of his morning suit.","Niles: You can't blame them, it's ninety degrees out there. It's dripping wet- [realizes] I hope our Chinese acrobats are sufficiently rosined.","Frasier re-locks the door. Martin and Ronee enter, casually dressed.","Martin: Holy Mackerel!","Ronee: You guys are amazing!","Frasier: Well, I'm glad you like it, you two, but listen, you've gotta go get changed, you're getting married in ten minutes.","Martin: Oh yeah, sorry, traffic was bad. We got stuck behind this old bus. A church group, I think.","Frasier: Good, our gospel choir is here! Niles, go make sure they're fitted with their angel wings and give them all a meal voucher!","Niles, Martin and Ronee exit. Roz knocks on the glass.","Roz: Frasier! Frasier cracks the door.","Frasier: Roz, I'm sorry, I can't let you in, I know it's warm out there. I'll tell you what, go have a cool drink with Kenny.","Roz: I just did, he told me all about his new D.J. job.","Frasier: Oh, well good for him! I'll come down and give him a hug.","Roz: Well, bring a towel, he just sweated through a hammock. This sucks! The softest boss we ever had is leaving. Come on, Frasier, let me in.","He protests, but she pushes past him and immediately takes off her jacket.","Frasier: Oh, all right, Roz. I can't say I blame you, it's like the Ninth Circle of Hell out there!","Bebe sweeps into the doorway.","Bebe: Do you love this weather or what?","Frasier: Bebe! What are you doing here?","Bebe: Your strategy worked, you genius.","Frasier: What strategy?","Bebe: Turning down the San Francisco job. They've offered you twenty percent more money, and thrown in a weekly TV gig on the morning news.","Frasier: Television... well, that certainly sounds tempting, but, but my home is here! There are more important things than money!","Bebe: Yes, I know. There's power. But money can buy that.","Frasier: Bebe!","Bebe: Fine!","Bebe goes back to the open door.","Bebe: You don't like the terms of the deal, I'll have another swing at it. [looks out] Did that old man just faint?","Frasier: What? [runs out beside her] Oh, good lord! That's my cannon operator! At the end of the ceremony, he's supposed to fire that antique cannon. I'm not sure there's anybody else who knows how to work the damn thing. Oh...","He shuts the door and turns back just as Niles comes running back in.","Niles: Frasier...!","Frasier: Niles...!","Both: Disaster!","Niles: Dear God, you first.","Frasier: Our cannon man is down - heatstroke.","Niles: Our flower girl is down - drunk.","Frasier: The flower girl?!","Niles: Apparently someone gave her champagne.","Frasier: Who would give liquor to a six-year-old girl?","He had to ask? - Simon, Michael, and Stephen enter in their suits, with cigarettes and glasses of champagne.","Simon: Party's here, lads.","Frasier: Simon! Did you give our flower girl champagne?","Simon: I may have. [off Frasier's glare] Well, the poor little thing was nervous about getting her part right.","Michael: Nervous.","Daphne enters, leading Eddie wearing a little tuxedo and a lacey cushion strapped to his back.","Daphne: Here's our little ring-bearer. Ronee will be down in two minutes.","Frasier: Oh, great! Still no flower girl, and now no one to fire our cannon!","Michael: [looks up] Cannon?","Frasier and Niles look at him, surprised.","Stephen: If it's a cannon you need fired, Michael's your man.","Daphne: Oh yeah, he's a great one for shooting things. Which foot is it that's missing two toes?","Michael: Um... [looks from one foot to another, then points to Simon's] That one!","The three brothers bellow with laughter again.","[N.B. Michael, of course, lost at least one toe to frostbite as a child - after his brothers rolled him across thin ice on a frozen lake. He'd be missing more if his family hadn't stopped him from sawing off the rest of them. For the full story, read [6.19] \"IQ.\"]","Frasier: All right then, come along, all of you. See if you can figure out this thing.","He leads Michael to the door.","Frasier: Now your cue to fire it is when I say, at the end of the ceremony, \"ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Martin Crane.\" You got it?","Michael: Right... [mumbles unintelligibly at length]... Boom!","He walks outside, leaving Frasier more uncertain than ever.","Niles: Is Eddie growling?","Daphne: It's his stomach. The poor thing hasn't eaten since morning.","Frasier: Oh, for God's sakes, we can't have him rumbling up the aisle. Uh, give him some of that pate over there.","As Daphne and Niles lead Eddie to the buffet table, Roz enters with Alice.","Frasier: Ooh, Roz! Do you think that we could enlist Alice to be our flower girl?","Roz: What do you say, honey?","Alice: Sure!","Frasier: Oh, that's splendid news! Here, here, take these rose petals. [gives her a basket] You're supposed to strew them in the aisle as you lead the procession in and out.","Niles: You know what, I guess I'd better give our ring-bearer his precious cargo.","Frasier sends Roz and Alice outside and shouts after them as Niles spoons some pate into a little dish and puts it on the floor. Niles takes the ring out and lowers it to the basket...","Frasier: Roz, her cue to lead the procession out at the end of the ceremony is when I say, \"ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Martin Crane!\"","BOOM! Screams come from the guests outside, and Frasier jumps. Inside, Niles jumps higher, sending the ring flying up into the air.","Frasier: NOT NOW!","His nerves nearly shot, he closes the door, exhaling - then from outside comes the sound of tires squealing, a horn blaring, and a very heavy THUD.","Frasier: [Walter Matthau] What the hell was that?!","He runs out of the dining room, through to another exit. Daphne notices Niles peering around the floor.","Daphne: What are you looking for?","Niles: The ring. I dropped it when that cannon-","Daphne: [sees it] It's in the pate! Eddie, no!","Too late. Eddie has scarfed the pate and swallowed the ring. Frasier runs back in.","Frasier: This is just our luck! When the gun went off, it startled a truck driver, he slammed into a lamppost. Now the entire roadway is blocked! Can anything else go wrong at this wedding?","He looks up and sees Niles and Daphne's shifty looks.","Frasier: What?","[SCENE_BREAK]","END OF ACT TWO","[SCENE_BREAK]","[The British broadcast of this episode ended with a tag featuring Daphne's brothers. In the U.S. it was broadcast as a straight one- hour show.]"],"Show Title":"Frasier","Episode Number":"11x23","Episode Title":"Goodnight, Seattle I","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Friday_Night_Lights_04x02.json","Recap":["Coach tries to reenergize the broken spirits of his team as he gains a new player. Tami takes a stand that ruffles feathers. Matt meets a local artist. Tim is kicked out by Billy and Mindy and moves into a trailer."],"Transcript":["Sammy: Folks, let me tell you, the sky is dry, the fields are brown. This town has been divided.","We need to acknowledge the huge part you played in this redistricting. We just brought this kid in this morning.","Next stop is juvie for him, and that's a bad path.","If I need you to be here tomorrow morning at 6:00 A.M?","I'll be here.","So, what's it like being the guy who used to be Tim Riggins?","Tim: I'm still Tim Riggins. Yeah, but you know what I mean, though. You're all the center of the universe in Texas one year and the next, boom, you fall off a cliff.","Announcer: This is as bad as anything I have ever seen on a football field.","The game is over. Dillon has forfeited.","( Crowd booing )","[EXT. ]","( A solitary truck parked in the open and we cut to see Tim Riggins asleep in the bed. A sheriff approaches, surveying the situation to find Tim asleep. )","Sheriff: Hey, wake up! (bangs on truck) Come on, get up. You can't be here. This is private property.","( Tim rouses awake. )","Sheriff: Hey, aren't you... aren't you Tim Riggins?","Tim: Yes sir.","Sheriff: Hey now, you are going to have to get yourself together and get out of here. You can't be here.","Tim: Okay.","[INT. Taylor House - Eric and Tami's Bedroom]","( Coach asleep alone in bed. )","Gracie (from another room): ...in here!","( This wakes him up with a start. )","Gracie: No, more! No, in here!","Matt: She's gotta eat or she'll be mad.","Julie: Look she's got a little belly.","Matt: She doesn't know how...","Julie: It's okay.","( Coach gets up and heads to the kitchen and we see Matt, Julie and Gracie at the counter. )","Matt: Hey, coach.","Eric: Hey. Morning, Gracie Belle. Morning.","( Pours himself a cup of coffee. )","Julie: We made coffee.","Eric: Did you bring the paper in yet?","( Matt and Julie look nervous. )","Matt: (standing up) I'll go get it.","Eric: I'll get it...","Matt: No, no, no... I'll","Eric: (grumpily) No, I'll get the paper...","Matt: No, I...","Eric: I'll get my own paper.","( Matt surrenders, knowing there's no point fighting this. )","Eric: Thank you for the coffee.","Julie: You're welcome.","( Eric heads down the hall to the front door. )","[EXT. Taylor House]","( Tami is grunting as she pulls up handmade white flags that are staked into the front yard. The signs read \"Quitter.\" )","Eric: Morning.","( Tami turns to look at him. )","Tami: Hey, Hon. (reading Eric's face) Babe, just go on. Come on, let me just do this.","[INT. West Dillon Panthers Coaches Room]","( The Panthers are watching the game tape from the previous game on a projector shouting victoriously. )","Team: Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!","( Lots of congratulating to J.D. and Luke. )","Wade: That's a helluva combo.","Joe: Yeah... Boy, I can smell State.","( Team begins chanting \"State! State! State!\" )","[INT. East Dillon Locker Room]","( Polar opposite. Stan and Coach are watching their horrible game on an old TV set. )","Eric: (noting empty room) They damn well know they're supposed to be here, don't they?","Stan: I know.","Assistant Coach: Hey, I've looked everywhere. I went to training room, I went to the bus stop, nobody's here, Coach. No where in the building.","( Coach is angry. )","[EXT. East Dillon Football Fieldhouse]","( Coach walks to his truck and gets in, bitter, when Buddy drives up. )","Buddy: Hey friend! Come on, come go with me.","Eric: Buddy, I'm not in the mood. I don't have time right now.","Buddy: I got to show you something, Eric. Please. Come here. Please.","( This gets Coach's attention. )","[EXT. Empty lot of land]","Buddy: Do you know what you're looking at, Eric?","( Address on solo mailbox reads: 2268 Oakdale Rd. )","Eric: No, why don't you fill me in?","Buddy: This is the address for Luke Cafferty. Star Running Back. Dillon Panthers. Future Super Star. Luke. This is the address they have for him.","Eric: Where does he really live?","Buddy: East Dillon. He's supposed to be yours.","( OPENING CREDITS )","[INT. Taylor House - kitchen]","( Coach is holding his coffee and pacing, watching as Tami prepares Gracie's food. )","Tami: (looking at Gracie) There she is. (returning to conversation with Eric) I don't know what they were thinking. That were not gonna notice that it's an empty field out there? Do they think we're stupid?","Eric: We wouldn't have known unless Buddy had told us. (shouts down hall) Come on, Julie! And that's another thing, don't say anything about that because he's afraid that half the town's gonna boycott his dealership.","Tami: Well, I don't blame him. I'm a little worried myself.","Eric: Julie, let's go!!","Tami: Considering that in a Mrs. Coach kind of way","Eric: Are you kidding? You don't have to worry about anything, you didn't do anything wrong. Julie, let's go!!","Tami: I know I didn't do anything wrong but these people are all about doing the wrong thing. They don't seem to care. I feel just terrible for poor Luke Cafferty. I mean, that poor boy. I'm gonna have to tell him about this.","Eric: I feel sorry for him. He has to come over to my school and be on my team.","Tami: Honey...","Eric: That's awful.","Tami: Honey, come on now...","Julie: I'm ready!","Julie: Ready to go, dad?","Eric: Yes. I'm very ready to go.","Tami: Are you ready for your big first day?","Julie: Yeah, should be fun. New teachers, new friends, new school...","Eric: (to Tami) Bye.","Tami: (kisses him) Goodbye.","Tami: (to Julie) Come here.","Eric: (mumbling on his way to the door) Come on let's go. Go to school half naked...","Tami: Be careful.","Julie: It's a high school, mom. Not a prison yard.","Tami: Bye. I love you.","Julie: I love you, too.","Tami: Bye honey!","[EXT. East Dillon High School]","( Lots of high school stuff going on. People hanging out by their cars, messing around on the grass, basketball game, people getting off the yellow buses, Rap music playing... )","[INT. East Dillon High School - Hallway]","( Shot of Julie walking down the hall looking totally out of her element. Cut to Vince strutting up the stairs looking like he belongs there. )","Vince: (to fellow student as he passes) What up?","( He gets upstairs and spots banner that reads: Lions Pride Losers )","( He's upset but keeps walking. He gets to his locker and there's a little white flag sticking out. He yanks it off and looks around, angry. )","Student: What's up, man? Hey, man, what happened?","Vince: You know who did this?","Student: Do what?","Vince: Put this flag in my locker.","Student: I ain't seen nothing. You know I'd tell you if I seen something.","Vince: Alright.","Student: Come on, you know me better than that.","Vince: Yeah, all right.","[INT. Dillon Tech Art Class]","( Matt is sitting at his desk, concentrating on drawing a model draped with a white sheet (hey, this is TV right?) )","Art Teacher: (to another student) ...what you're saying there.","( She wanders the room before quietly approaching Matt. )","Art Teacher: I, um, took the liberty of putting you up in an internship. He's a local artist out here. His name is Richard Sherman and he's selected you.","Matt: He did?","Art Teacher: Mm...hmm. It's quite an honor. The guy's a genius.","Matt: Okay...","Art Teacher: Can you go this afternoon?","Matt: Yeah, yeah, of course. (pause) Why did you put me up for an internship?","Art Teacher: Because you have what every important artist needs.","Matt: What's that?","Art Teacher: Pluck.","Matt: Yeah... oh-kay... Thanks.","Art Teacher: Sure.","[EXT. East Dillon High School - Parking Lot]","( Landry drives up in his old car and starts to pull into a parking space but there are a group of students lingering there. )","Landry: Excuse me! (leans head out the window) Excuse me, I, um... Excuse me, I just need to uh, just squeeze by here...","Student: (slams the hood of his car) Get out of here!","Landry: It's uh, an open--","( The group of students aren't moving so he starts to back up when we hear a scream as he hits something . )","...AAH!","( Landry leaps out of his car and we see a girl trying to get her bike out from under his rear wheel. )","Landry: Oh, my God! Are you okay? Hey!","Jess: Okay, what the Hell, huh?! Look what you did to my bike, you freaking idiot!","Landry: I mean honestly... you're not even wearing a helmet though...","Jess: Okay, come on, are you serious?","Landry: What if...?","Jess: Okay, you know what, junior? I need to expalin something to you.","Landry: Okay, I'm listening.","Jess: It took me a lot of months to save up for that bike. Okay? So it means a lot to me. Because not everybody gets a car bought from their daddy. So you're gonna pay me damages.","Landry: Damages? That's uh...","Jess: For my bike.","Landry: Yeah.","Jess: Okay?","Landry: Yeah.","Jess: What's your name?","Landry: Landry Clark.","Jess: Landry Clark?","Landry: What's your name?","Jess: Jess Merriweather.","Landry: Pleasure to meet you.","Jess: Nice to meet you. M-E-R-R-I-W-E-A-T-H-E-R. Don't forget that when you make out the check.","[EXT: Richard Sherman's House]","( Matt drives up and exits the car. He's wearing a suit and judging by the fact that there's scrap metal everywhere, it's the last thing he should be wearing. He knocks on the garage door where inside we hear drilling. Richard Sherman appears wearing nothing but stubble and gray underwear, a cigarette dangling from his lips. )","Richard: What the Hell's so important out here?","Matt: Nothing, I'm sorry. I was just... I think I have the wrong address I was trying to find this, uh, artist that I thought...","Richard: Who?","Matt: Uh, Richard Sherman, but it's okay. I'm gonna take off, I'm sorry that I bothered you...","Richard: I'm Richard Sherman, dumb ass.","Matt: I'm... I'm Matt Saracen. I'm your new intern.","Richard: (waving him in) Yeah, I gotta bunch a crap in here and I'm gonna need you to start moving it. Come on in.","Matt: Sorry.","Richard: There's shards on the floor and I don't want any crap about it.","( Matt enters, uncertain what he got himself into. )","Richard: You got shoes on?","Matt: Yeah, I wear shoes.","Richard: Then close the door.","[INT. East Dillon Cafeteria]","( Landry is sitting at the table. )","Player: There's coach.","( Landry looks over and excuses himself. )","Landry: Alright, I'm gonna go ahead and take off. See you all later.","Player: Alright.","( He starts to walk away when Eric puts his hand on his shoulder to stop him. )","Eric: Can I talk to you for a minute? Listen, I don't know what's going on with my football players but I need your help, okay.","Landry: Why'd you forfeit the game, coach?","Eric: I'm sorry?","Landry: I said, why'd you forfeit the game?","Eric: I heard your question.","Landry: Well, you have an answer to that cuz I don't understand.","Eric: Listen to me. I don't have to explain my decisions to you, Landry.","Landry: Okay, well I can explain to you that everyone gave absolutely everything they had out there and then you just quit on us? I don't know if you really know what that feels like but it's not a very good feeling.","Eric: Do you understand what I'm saying?","Landry: I'm done and everyone else is done.","Eric: Hey! Hey! Hey, Landry!","[EXT. West Dillon Football Field]","( Practice is in session in the rain and the coaches are yelling out: ) Let's go! Give me some piece! Gimme something to work with! There you go! Tight racing!","( Tami appears on the sidelines holding her umbrella and calls Luke over. )","Tami: Hey, Luke! Come here, son.","Luke: Hey, Principal Taylor.","Tami: How you doing?","Luke: (referring to his play) Did you see that?","Tami: I... yeah, that was amazing.","Luke: Wasn't that great? Thank you.","Tami: Amazing.","Luke: Thank you.","Tami: I need to talk to you for a sec.","Luke: Yes maam.","Tami: I need you tell me where you live.","Luke: 2268 Oakdale Rd.","Tami: Is that really where you live?","Luke: Yes maam. 2268 Oakdale Rd.","Tami: You know that's an empty field with a mailbox in front of it, right? You live on Kilroy don't you? And you know that Kilroy is zoned for East Dillon High isn't that right?","( He nods, looking so sad and heartbroken. )","Luke: Um, I mean, I've worked so hard for the Panthers and this team means everything to me. I mean, there's no team over at East Dillon...","Tami: Well, there is a team there actually. They're starting a team.","Luke: Well, I mean, is there anything that we can do? Can you write a letter to the Governor or something?","Tami: Tell you what the only thing, the only thing you can do is your parents could move. That's the only thing.","Luke: That's not gonna happen.","Tami: I'm sorry son. You're gonna have to go over there, you're gonna have to pack up your stuff. Starting tomorrow you're going to school at East Dillon High.","Luke: What? That's it?","Tami: That's it.","( Luke starts crying, all his hard work and dreams slipping through his fingers. )","Luke: I mean, I will... I will get an 'A' in every single class.","Tami: I know, you're a good student.","Luke: Every one. I promise you that. I will... I will do anything, I swear to you, I will do anything... (sobbing) I'm begging you.","Tami: (sympathetic) I'm sorry, son. I hate that it has to be this way, too.","Luke: (wiping away tears) No, I'm okay, I'm okay... Thank you.","Tami: You gonna be alright?","Luke: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. Thank you very much.","Tami: Go on now.","( Tami turns to walk away as Luke heads back to his team when he pauses and calls her back. )","Luke: Principal Taylor! Hey! I'm real sorry for lying to you. For the whole time and for lying to you right now to your face. I'm real sorry, okay?","Tami: I appreciate that, Luke. I do appreciate that.","Luke: Okay.","Tami: It'll be alright, son.","Luke: No, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Thank you.","( They break away. )","Wade: Luke!","Luke: Yeah, I'll be right there, Coach!","[INT. RIGGINS RIGS Garage]","( Tim is working under a truck. )","Billy: Why hasn't the part for Mrs. Carlson's Taurus come in yet?","Tim: I don't know, Billy.","Billy: The part was ordered ten days ago, Tim. Did you order it from Tahiti? Finish this transmission man. Finish it today. You were working on it all day yesterday.","Tim: Hey, uh, just throwing it out there. It's been well over two weeks. Do you think I'll get paid or...?","Billy: I'm waiting on some money to come in, alright.","Tim: When?","Billy: Seriously, could you back off for two-seconds? Do you have any clue what I've got on my plate right now, Tim? Seriously man. I'm trying to run a garage, I gotta a pregnant wife, and I haven't slept for two weeks because... because Mindy's reading some stupid book about what's supposed to happen every two seconds of your pregnant life and now every time she farts she thinks she's thinking that her water's breaking. Or, or, that's she's going into contractions. So back off!","( Phone starts ringing and Billy answers it. )","Billy: Riggins Rigs.","Tim: Hey, hey Billy! Could you pass me that violin please?","Billy: (moving the phone away from his mouth) Will you shut up!","Tim: You're hogging it.","Billy: Shut up! (back on phone) No, that wasn't directed towards you, maam. Where are you? We'll send a truck out as soon as we can.","Tim: When you're done with it, I need the violin.","Billy: Get your ass up, okay. Get your ass up. We got a tow.","[EXT. West Dillon High School - parking lot]","( Wade and Joe drive up to Tami's car in a golf cart. )","Joe: Principal Taylor.","Tami: Hey y'all.","Joe: What's it gonna take?","Tami: I'm not sure what conversation we're having here. What are you talking about?","Wade: Oh, I think you know.","Tami: Are we talking about Luke?","Joe: Yeah! We're talking about Luke.","( Laughs. )","Joe: Yeah.","Tami: Uh-huh.","Joe: So what's it gonna take? Like, new books for the library, new instruments for the orchestra, what?","Tami: Are you all coming to me in the school parking lot and offering me a bribe?","Wade: No but you need to be reasonable.","Tami: Is that's what happening?","Wade: You need to be reasonable about this, Tami. It's not gonna do anything but hurt this kid. You know, we can't let that happen to him and we can't let it happen to our team and we can't let it happen to the school.","Joe: And we can't let it happen to you, Tami. I mean, what's gonna happen to you if this goes down? I think you're gonna get lynched.","Tami: That is so sweet. You are so sweet to think about me. I appreciate that so much. But I can take care of myself, thank you.","Wade: Okay, but think of this: that first win will have to be forfeited because of this. And if that happens we might not make it back from that. That means we might not make it to state this year. Now do you want that?","Tami: No. That boy was enrolled here in illegally.","Joe: Yes and ironically he just happens to be going to a school where your husband is the football coach. Would you do me a favor? Would you go home and ask your husband one thing: ask him who put up that mailbox. Because the Dillon Panthers have been using that mailbox long before I got here. And if I want to do a little digging around. You know, I think things could come up. I think games could be forfeited. I think rings could be lost.","( Tami mulls this over. )","[EXT. Tim driving up in a Riggins Rig to pick up his tow to find it's the daughter from his one night stand]","Tim: You gotta be kidding me.","Girl: Hey, Tim Riggins who used to be a Panther. Good morning.","Tim: Tell me you need a tow.","Girl: Ha, yeah, no, but I do need a ride to school. Which would be awesome because my mom's not here - I don't know what she's doing, she's MIA for some reason - and I had to find my dog this morning cuz little Squirt got out again and I missed the bus and my hair was doing this weird flip thing that I wasn't really too sure about and it was just a really rough morning altogether so... Let's get this show on the road! Come on! Let's get going. I'm gonna be late.","( He starts driving. )","Tim: Don't ever do this again.","[INT. Matt's Car]","( Matt and Julie are riding in Matt's car as he makes his deliveries. )","Matt: I mean all I did all day was carry big, rusty, dirty pieces of metal around a junk yard. It sucked.","Julie: (laughing) I still can't believe you were naked.","Matt: No, I wasn't naked. He was naked.","( Julie laughs. )","Matt: Whatever. He never even asked me about my art. I mean, why does he think I'm there? Does he think I like doing manual labor?","Julie: Well, maybe he thinks, you know, you're not a great artist cuz you go to community college.","( Matt clenches his jaw and nods. )","Julie: I mean, no offense. I didn't mean it to sound...","Matt: It's fine.","Julie: I'm just saying you need to get him excited. You need to show him who you are and your art and just take the bull by the horns.","Matt: Well, you know I have been told I have pluck.","Julie: Really?","Matt: Yeah, I don't know what that means.","[EXT. Apartment Complex - kinda sketchy]","( Eric drives up and walks up a flight of stairs. Sirens in the background and a woman yells something I can't decipher. Eric knocks on one of the doors. A haggard looking woman answers it. )","Eric: Um, maam. I'm Coach Taylor from over at the high school. Are you Vince's mother by chance?","Mother: Yeah? Why?","( In the background we see Vince walking up to see the exchange but Coach doesn't see him. )","Eric: Yeah, why? Well, I just wanted to... I just wanted to talk with him, that's all. I just came by to talk him. He hasn't been at practice the last few days.","Mother: Well, that's his business. Ain't no laws about missing no practice.","( She starts to shut the door but he pushes it back open. )","Eric: Ma'am, I'm just trying to help your son.","Mother: You got tweenty bucks? Please?","( Eric hands her a twenty. )","Mother: Lincoln and Victory almost every night.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. Gas Station]","( Eric is sitting in his truck, eating a burrito while his tank fills with gas. The man at the car next to him calls out. )","Man: Hey, do you know how to get to Lubbock?","Eric: You gotta take 61 up to 23.","( The man seems to recognize Eric. )","Man: Hey, Dillon East right? You're the coach at Dillon East. You lost your inner pirate. Uh, have you ever heard 'swing your sword'? You're supposed to swing your sword like this (motions with is hands high up). You're swinging yours like this. (motions with his hands limply) I mean, uh, you gotta find your inner pirate. (Eric is looking at this man like he's nuts) A lot of times, things just happen for a reason. We don't know why God wants it that way? But you can't make the best out of it until you get back your inner pirate. You might be the luckiest man alive and not even know it.","( The guy drives away leaving Eric dumbstruck. )","[INT. Taylor Kitchen]","( Tami is at the counter cutting up cucumber when Eric comes home. )","Eric: Hey, babe.","Tami: Hey.","Eric: Smells good.","Tami: Babe? Babe?","Eric: Yup? What?","Tami: Did you know that that mailbox was out there by that empty field? Did you know that?","( Eric pauses way too long. )","Eric: What are you talking about?","Tami: I'm talking about Joe McCoy told me today that that mailbox has been out there since you were head coach of the Panthers. Did you know?","Eric: Listen, I don't follow what the boosters and parents in town do. That's not my job. You know there's a lot of different ways that... that people try and get kids on the team.","Tami: Um... hum.","Eric: What does that mean?","Tami: That means you sure were paying a lot of attention the last couple of days when you were trying to get Luke Cafferty on your team. And you know now I'm in a bad position because Joe McCoy is about to go out and do all kinds of research and all kinds of digging into things like State Titles...","Eric: Don't talk to me like that.","Tami: Well, honey, I'm talking about your State Title. And not just you but your team.","Eric: Well, you know what, honey? I may not even have a team.","Tami: Of course you have a team.","Eric: No, I might not have a team. I'm surprised your friend Joe didn't inform you that my team hasn't been showing up for practice since the forfeit.","Tami: Well, I didn't know that. I'm sorry to hear that.","Eric: Well, I'm glad you're sorry. I'm sorry, too.","Tami: Why didn't you tell me?","Eric: Hell, I tried to get Landry to get together to try and bring the team out there and you know Landry did? In the middle of teh cafeteris, Landry looks at me and basically says, \"Hey, Coach, go to Hell.\"","Tami: Babe, I'm sorry to heat that but I still don't think you should've lied to me.","Eric: I didn't lie to you.","Tami: Well, I wish you had told me...","Eric: But I didn't lie!","Tami: Well, you should have told me that you knew that...","Eric: Knew what? I don't know who put the mailbox there! You saying I put the mailbox there? Does anyone else say I did? Cuz I didn't! I don't know who put it there.","Tami: Don't raise your voice at me. Don't raise your voice. You're being ridiculous.","Eric: I'm not reaising my voice! I don't want to come into my damn house and be accused first thing before I sit down","Tami: Well then don't lie to me next time!","Eric: I didn't lie to you! I didn't put the mailbox there!","Tami: Where are you going?","Eric: I'm going to get some milk.","[EXT. Park and Victory and Lincoln]","( Eric drives up to a baseketball game, pauses to consider what he's going to do before stepping out. )","Calvin: (seeing Coach) Oh, what the hell, man? Say, V. Vince!","( Eric walks up. )","Calvin: (to Eric) You came to the wrong gym, homie.","Eric: (ignoring Calvin) Vince, let me talk to you.","Calvin: Can't you see we hooping, man?","Eric: Yeah, I can see.","Calvin: Talk to him at school.","Eric: I can see and I understand. He's not in school now is he? (returning attention to Vince) You're making a mistake, man. Hey! Officer Shaw keeps calling. I can't keep him away forever, man. I've been watching those game tapes, man. You're running the forty in under five, a full pass and you got all the moves, man. You gotta a lotta talent, I'm telling you. Don't throw it away.","( Vince looks over once in awhile but doesn't stop playing. )","Eric: You gonna talk to me? Hey, Vince! You gonna throw it away? You gonna throw that away? Last chance. I'm not going to waste my time anymore.","( Eric waits a beat but Vince just keeps playing B-ball so he walks away. )","Eric: Your choice Big Man.","[INT. Richard Sherman's Garage\/Studio]","( Richard is flipping through some of Matt's drawings while Matt stands there, waiting for input. Richard isn't pausing or talking, just going through them. When he's done, he hands them back to Matt. )","Richard: There's some Chevy parts out in the back, I want you to move them here in the front because I gotta start cutting them.","Matt: Yes, Sir.","( Richard returns to his sawing. )","[INT. Ray's BBQ Restaurant]","( It's a small dive. The kind of place the locals know and love but an outsider is not likely to know about. We see Jess working her butt off bussing tables. )","Jess: (to an older man serving BBQ as she passes) Excuse me. Hey, Pops.","Pops: Babe, can you get me the sausage from out back?","Jess: All right. You want the spicy kind?","Pops: Yeah. That'll do.","( She dumps her bin of discard and as she moves back, he hands her a new tray of food to deliver. )","Pops: Here you go.","( We suddenly spot Landry sitting at a nearby table and observing as Jess delivers the food. )","Jess: (serving) Maam. Extra BBQ sauce. For you. Here you go. Enjoy.","( After she's done, she delivers to another table. )","Jess: Here's your pickles, man.","( She opens a refrigerator, looking spent. She grabs a large heavy pot and starts carrying it back, pausing to bus a table. She drops something. )","Landry: (gets up from his table) Here, I got it. I got it.","( Jess looks over but keeps going, taking the pot to Pops. )","Pops: (helping to take the pot from her) Yeah.","Jess: You wanted the spicy kind, right?","Pops: Yeah.","Jess: Okay.","( Landry starts bussing his own table and a few others. )","Jess: (to Pops) I can... You want me to...?","Pops: No, no, no, no... You're good.","Jess: Okay.","( Landry walks up with his trash. )","Landry: Here you go.","Jess: What you doing?","Pops: What's your problem?","Landry: I don't have a problem. I was just... uh, she looked busy and I just thought I'd help her out. We go to school together.","Jess: Oh, uh, this is, uh...","Landry: I'm Landry.","Jess: Yeah Landry.","Landry: Nice to meet you.","Jess: Landry, my dad.","Landry: Oh, he's your...","Pops: Yeah.","Jess: Yeah.","Landry: Yeah.","( Pops hands him a garbage bag. )","Pops: Yeah, Landry. Take that out back. Thanks for the help.","Landry: Yeah. (starts going to the back) Nice kitchen.","Pops: (giving Jess a pointed look) Landry?","Jess: (at a loss to explain or comprehend herself - starts walking away) Yeah, I'll get that...","( Pops turns around to see customers. )","Pops: Yeah? What'cha want?","[INT. East Dillon Coach's Office]","Eric: Here's what we're going to do: we're going to call a speical practice for Saturday night.","Assistant Coach: Saturday?","Eric: If it doesn't work out, we're gonna start over.","Stan: What exactly does that mean - 'start over'?","Eric: I don't know, Stan. (he gets up from his chair) I don't know what 'start over' means.","( He leaves the office. )","Eric: Saturday night!","[EXT. East Dillon Football Field]","( Coach surveying the land when Tim passes by and spots him. )","Tim: Coach?","Eric: Huh. Tim, how you doing? I heard... How come you're not back at college?","Tim: I, uh...","Eric: You what?","Tim: I'm working full-time with my brother now. Making some money. You, uh, you look different.","Eric: It's the color.","Tim: Yeah, it's pretty red.","Eric: (adjusts cap) Yeah. Well.","Tim: Well, I mean, I heard about the forfeit. And, uh, it's a shaky start so. I mean, I'd love to be a part of it if I can help in any way.","Eric: You're offering your help to me?","Tim: Yes, sir.","Eric: (smiles) Come with me. Come on.","[INT. Restaurant with Dillon Panthers on the wall]","( Wade and Joe are meeting with the Boosters when Tami enters. )","Joe: Hey, do we have the latest injury report for Rural Rock? Is that middle linebacker of theirs still messed up? Cuz if he is, boy, it's gonna be party time... He's out?","Booster: Left knee...","Joe: Now, Buddy, are we looking to talk to that Quarter...","Tami: Sorry, I hate to interrupt. How are you? Good to see you, Sam. Don't mean to interrupt, I just... (looking at Joe) Can I have a quick word with you, Joe? Talk amongst yourselves. Um, I just wanted to make sure that we didn't have any understanding the other day when we had that conversation in the school parking lot... you know with the golf cart and all of that... And I just wanted to make sure we're clear that my decision has been made and is made and that Luke Cafferty is going to East Dillon High.","( She looks around at the not happy faces. )","Joe: Are you clear about what I told you?","Tami: Yeah, I think I heard you. You mean about doing an investigation and retroactively taking away Panther State titles. That's the thing you're talking about? Because I just want to actually make sure that your also going to check with all these gentlemen here about that because as you said, that's going to mean rings being taken away and things like that and I can betcha there are a lot of rings in this group, you know. Family and what not. So, you do what you have to do. I know you're going to do what you have to do but I just wanted to make sure that I am very clear with you on where on stand on it. So, I'll let you all get back to it. Thank you so much. Than you all so much! You all enjoy!","( As she walks away, all the eyes at the table shift to Joe McCoy. )","[EXT. Richard Sherman's Garage]","( Matt is moving around large pieces of scrap metal as Richard welds when he cuts himself. )","Matt: Hey, hey, I cut my hand and I don't have a tetnus shot. So I'm gonna have to go get one.","Richard: (under his welder's mask) That was brilliant.","Matt: Thank you, that was brilliant. (He's frustrated.) Thank you, thanks for everything. I'll see you later.","Richard: What the hell's your problem?","Matt: You... I don't know what your deal is. You're rude, nasty and that's fine, that's your thing, that's okay, you're an artist. And I'll carry all your crap but the reason I'm here and that I'm doing this is cuz I want to be an artist. Alright, so, the least you can do is say something about it.","Richard: You want me to say something?","Matt: I would like you to say something.","( Richard reaches for Matt's portfolio. )","Richard: Alright, I'll say something. (He pulls out the drawings.) Whoa...","Matt: That's very helpful. Yeah, just wrinkle them up.","( Richard pulls out one and starts tearing it in half. )","Matt: Are you...?","( Richard keeps tearing and hands Matt a piece. )","Richard: Alright, this part here doesn't make me wanna puke. Try working from this place.","Matt: Alright","[INT. East Dillon Coach's Office]","( Coach is working when Vince enters, looking defiant, and puts a twenty on Coach's desk. )","Vince: You're not my father. I support my family. She had no business taking that from you. You shouldn't have gave it to her.","Eric: Sit down. Sit down. (Vince sits.) I'm sorry. Don't quit on me. Don't quit on yourself. I'm gonna ask you to do me a favor. This team is broken all to hell. I could use somebody to help me put those pieces back together again. I don't know where I'm going but I'll get another job. This job doesn't work out for you, we both know where you're going. Bring 'em to me. Talk to 'em and bring 'em to me. Talk to 'em for me. Talk to 'em and bring 'em to me tomorrow night. Special practice. Ten o'clock out here - at the field. (Vince stands up and starts walking out.) Hey! It's just us. Just the Lions. Hey, talk to 'em!","[INT. West Dillon Auditorium Pep Rally]","( It's wild and exciting! People are pumped up. )","Students: We are Panthers! We are Panthers! We are Panthers!","( Tami walks up to the podium. )","Tami: Welcome Panthers! We have a big game coming up with West Ambria...","( Boos and jeers from the crowd and we see signs \"We Want Luke.\" A conflicted Buddy Garrity is leaning against a wall. )","Tami: I will wait.","Students: We want Luke! We want Luke! We want Luke!","( Joe McCoy is watching smugly as Tami just stands there. )","[EXT. East Dillon Football Field - Saturday Night]","( The coaches are on the field waiting. Luke Cafferty walks up to the field wearing a West Dillon t-shirt. )","Luke: Hey coach, I'm, uh, I'm Luke Cafferty. I'm here for the special practice Coach Taylor called.","( Luke goes to shake hands with the Asst. Coach and he's very polite. )","Assistant Coach: Luke, nice to see 'ya. Welcome to East Dillon.","Luke: Thank you, thank you.","Eric: Luke, how you doing?","Luke: Hey coach.","Eric: Good to see you.","Stan: Stan Traub.","Luke: How are you?","Stan: Great admirer.","Luke: Nice to meet you, coach.","Stan: Big fan of yours.","Luke: Thanks. (looks around empty field) Uh, where's the team?","Stan: Coach?","( Team walks up lead by Vince. )","Eric: How you doing folks? Vince?","Vince: Coach.","Eric: How you doing, Tankard?","Assistant Coach: Good evening gentlemen. Good to see you.","Eric: Listen, last week we got our asses beat doing our best. And there is no shame in that, gentlemen. But I'll tell you what, I got shame in me. I have got shame and I apologize to you. I apologize for not giving you the chance to finish your fight. I want to finish that fight with you. And I'm asking you, right here, right now, to allow me to help you finish that fight.","( The team is quiet as Eric starts a fire in an old can. He picks up a plastic bag of old videotape and pulls one out. )","Eric: See this gentlemen? This right here, this is the past. (He throws the tape into the fire and grabs one of their bloodied jerseys from a large pile.) Who wants to finish this fight? Who will finish this fight with me?","( Vince walks up, sharing a look with Eric and burns his jersey. Landry soon follows. )","Landry: I will, sir.","( Landry shares a look of understanding with Eric and takes the jersey from him, tossing it into the fire. Tank follows. )","Eric: Glad to have you on board, Tankard.","( Luke takes off his W. Dillon t-shirt and burns it. )","Eric: Let's finish it. (The rest of the team joins in.) Let's finish it. Let's finish it! Let's finish it!","Team: Let's do this boys!","Eric: Let's finish it.","[INT. BAR]","( Tim is back at the bar, drinking his woes. )","Bartender: Hey, sailor. Looks like you haven't slept in a week.","Tim: Feels that way.","Bartender: Well...","Tim: Kinda looking for a place if you know any.","Bartender: That shouldn't be so hard.","Tim: It is when you don't have first and last.","Bartender: Well, I do have this trailer in my backyard. I'll charge you a $100 a month. You can stay there until you find a place.","Tim: (considering) That's very sweet but...","Bartender: Don't get me wrong, that was unbelievable but I'm not really that into you and more importantly, I can tell you're not that into me so who really needs to go there. I'm not gonna come banging on your door in the middle of the night, know what I mean? But I can use the cash.","Tim: When?","Bartender: Start right now. Let me get you the keys.","Tim: Like tonight right now?","Bartender: Remember where I live? I'm gonna give my daughter a call. She's not gonna know you from Adam. I don't want you to scare her.","( Tim just stares at her thinking this woman is clueless. She pulls off the key and hands it to him. )","Bartender: Here you go.","Tim: Thank you.","[EXT. Bartender's house]","( Tim drives up as girl is hanging up laundry. )","Girl: Hey.","Tim: Hey.","( Tim enters the trailer and closes the door while girl watches. She enters the house. )","[INT. Taylor Living Room]","( Tami is lounging on the sofa, sipping wine, when Eric wanders in. )","Eric: What are you doing?","Tami: Drinking wine.","Eric: Oh?","Tami: How are you?","( Eric plops himself down next to her. )","Eric: Hmm? How'd everything go today?","Tami: I got booed at the pep rally.","Eric: What do you mean booed?","Tami: I mean booed. Boo. But I did get one little bit of satisfaction. Just being able to stand up to those good old boys so I got that going for me. And wine. How was your day?","Eric: They showed up.","Tami: They did?","Eric: It's a start.","Tami: That's right.","Eric: You know, I'm sorry I lied.","Tami: I know.","( They sit there, taking in the moment. )","Eric: Now I just gotta find us a way to get some new uniforms."],"Show Title":"Friday Night Lights","Episode Number":"04x02","Episode Title":"After the Fall","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Game_of_Thrones_01x01.json","Recap":["North of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros , Night's Watch soldiers are attacked by supernatural White Walkers . One soldier escapes but is captured at Castle Winterfell. Eddard \"Ned\" Stark , Warden of the North, executes him for desertion. Later, six orphaned dire wolf pups are found and one given to each Stark sibling, including Ned's bastard son, Jon Snow. In King's Landing, the Seven Kingdoms capital, Jon Arryn , the Hand of the King, dies suddenly. King Robert Baratheon , Ned's old friend, travels to Winterfell to recruit Ned and propose a marriage between his heir Joffrey and Ned's daughter, Sansa . Lysa Arryn, John's widow, sends her sister (Ned's wife), Catelyn , a letter claiming the Lannisters, Queen Cersei 's family, murdered Arryn. Catelyn believes the Lannisters are now plotting against King Robert. Ned's young son, Brandon , climbs a tall tower and witnesses Cersei and her twin brother, Jaime Lannister , inside having sex. To hide their incest, Jaime pushes Bran from the high window. Across the Narrow Sea in Essos, exiled Prince Viserys Targaryen forces his sister, Daenerys , to marry the Dothraki warlord, Drogo , in exchange for an army to conquer Westeros and reclaim the Iron Throne . Robert Baratheon became king after Jaime Lannister killed \"Mad\" King Aerys Targaryen, earning Jaime the nickname, \"The King Slayer\". The ancient Targaryens once commanded dragons, and Daenerys is given three fossilized dragon eggs as a wedding gift."],"Transcript":["[First scene opens with three Rangers riding through a tunnel, leaving the Wall, and going into the woods. (Eerie music in background) One Ranger splits off and finds a campsite full of mutilated bodies, including a child hanging from a tree branch. A birds-eye view shows the bodies arranged in a shield-like pattern. The Ranger rides back to the other two.]","WAYMAR ROYCE: What d'you expect? They're savages. One lot steals a goat from another lot and before you know it, they're ripping each other to pieces.","WILL: I've never seen wildlings do a thing like this. I've never seen a thing like this, not ever in my life.","WAYMAR ROYCE: How close did you get?","WILL: Close as any man would.","GARED: We should head back to the wall.","ROYCE: Do the dead frighten you?","GARED: Our orders were to track the wildlings. We tracked them. They won't trouble us no more.","ROYCE: You don't think he'll ask us how they died? Get back on your horse.","[GARED grumbles.]","WILL: Whatever did it to them could do it to us. They even killed the children.","ROYCE: It's a good thing we're not children. You want to run away south, run away. Of course, they will behead you as a deserter ... If I don't catch you first. Get back on your horse. I won't say it again.","[WILL glares, but obeys. Sometime later, the three Rangers return to the campsite, which is now completely cleared.]","ROYCE: Your dead men seem to have moved camp.","WILL: They were here.","GARED: See where they went.","[The three look around, swords drawn. They hear the wind and eerie calls. GARED finds a red cloth in the snow.]","ROYCE: What is it?","GARED: It's ...","[As he speaks, a CREATURE with glowing blue eyes rises behind ROYCE. ROYCE turns, the CREATURE strikes. The scene shifts to WILL, who hears a man crying out. The three horses stampede past him. He turns and sees someone standing very still in the distance. The figure turns - it's the child who had been suspended in the tree, now with glowing blue eyes. WILL turns and runs. GARED is also fleeing, and we hear strange growls and catch glimpses of the CREATURE. Both terrified RANGERS stop, some distance apart, to catch their breath. WILL sees a CREATURE behead GARED. WILL sinks to his knees and the CREATURE tosses GARED'S head to him.]","[Blackout \/ Opening credits]","[Riders from Winterfell come up behind a dazed WILL. The scene shifts to the castle, where BRAN is practicing archery and getting frustrated, under the eyes of JON SNOW and ROBB STARK. JON pats BRAN'S shoulder.]","JON: Go on. Father's watching.","[We see NED and CATELYN STARK watching from above.]","JON: And your mother.","[Scene shifts to needlework practice with the girls inside the castle.]","SEPTA MORDANE (to SANSA): Fine work, as always. Well done.","SANSA: Thank you.","SEPTA MORDANE: I love the detail that you've managed to get in this corners. ... Quite beautiful ... the stitching ...","[As she murmurs to SANSA about the embroidery, ARYA struggles with her needlework and listens to the arrows hitting and the male laughter outside.]","[Outside, BRAN tries and misses again. Everyone laughs.]","NED: And which one of you was a marksman at ten? Keep practicing, Bran. Go on.","JON: Don't think too much, Bran.","ROBB: Relax your bow arm.","[BRAN pulls the arrow back. An arrow hits the bullseye. BRAN (still with his arrow), JON, and ROBB turn in surprise to see ARYA, who curtsies after her perfect shot. ROBB and JON laugh as Bran takes out after ARYA.]","JON\/ROBB: Quick, Bran, faster!","[RODRICK CASSEL and THEON GREYJOY approach NED and CATELYN on the balcony.]","CASSEL: Lord Stark. My lady. A guardsman just rode in from the hills. They've captured a deserter from the Night's Watch.","[NED grimaces.]","NED: Get the lads to saddle their horses.","[THEON departs.]","CATELYN: Do you have to?","NED: He swore an oath, Cat.","CASSEL: The law is law, my lady.","NED: Tell Bran he's coming, too.","[CASSEL nods and departs.]","CATELYN: Ned. Ten is too young to see such things.","NED: He won't be a boy forever. And winter is coming.","[NED departs. In the courtyard, ROBB and JON gather the arrows. CATELYN turns and glares down on JON. He looks at her and walks away.]","ROBB: Lad, go run back and get the rest.","[Scene shifts, and we see WILL being taken to the block.]","WILL (muttering): White Walkers. I saw the White Walkers. White Walkers. The White Walkers, I saw them.","[He and NED face each other.]","WILL: I know I broke my oath. And I know I'm a deserter. I should have gone back to the Wall and warned them. But I saw what I saw. I saw the White Walkers. People need to know. If you can get word to my family, tell them I'm no coward. Tell them I'm sorry.","[NED nods yes, and WILL is positioned on the tree limb that serves as a block. NED draws ice from a scabbard held by Theon.]","WILL (whispering): Forgive me, lord.","[NED bows his head over ICE.]","NED: In the name of Robert of the House Baratheon, first of his name ...","JON (to BRAN): Don't look away.","NED: King of the Andals and the First Men ...","JON: Father will know if you do.","NED: Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and protector of the realm, I, Eddard of the House Stark, Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North, sentence you to die.","[NED swings ICE and beheads WILL. BRAN does not look away.]","JON: You did well.","[He walks away. ROBB turns and puts his arm around BRAN and they go to their horses together. NED approaches BRAN.]","NED: You understand why I did it?","BRAN: Jon said he was a deserter.","NED: But do you understand why I had to kill him?","BRAN: Our way is the old way?","NED: The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.","BRAN: Is it true he saw the White Walkers?","NED: The White Walkers have been gone for thousands of years.","BRAN: So he was lying?","NED: A madman sees what he sees.","[Scene shifts to a dead stag's head. The Winterfell men gather on the bridge They see a ravaged deer before them.]","JON: What is it?","THEON: Mountain lion?","NED: There are no mountain lions in these woods.","[With swords out, they begin to search. NED finds a dead direwolf with antlers through her throat. Her pups are whimpering around her.]","THEON: It's a freak.","NED: It's a direwolf.","[NED and CASSEL glance at each other.]","NED: Tough old beast.","[He pulls out the antlers.]","ROBB: There are no direwolves south of the Wall.","JON: Now there are five.","[Jon picks up a pup and offers it to BRAN.]","JON: You want to hold it?","BRAN: Where will they go? Their mother's dead.","CASSEL: They don't belong down here.","NED: Better a quick death. They won't last without their mother.","THEON: Right. Give it here.","BRAN: NO!","ROBB (disgustedly to THEON): Put away your blade.","THEON: I take orders from your father, not you.","BRAN: Please, father!","NED: I'm sorry, Bran.","JON: Lord Stark? There are five pups. One for each of the Stark children. The direwolf is the sigil of your House. They were meant to have them.","[Everyone looks at NED, BRAN with great hope.]","NED: You will train them yourselves. You will feed them yourselves. And if they die, you will bury them yourselves.","[BRAN cradles his pup as JON hands more pups to ROBB.]","BRAN (to JON): What about you?","JON: I'm not a Stark. Get on.","[JON walks away, pauses, and hears another whimper.]","ROBB: What is it?","[JON pulls up a white wolf pup.]","THEON: The runt of the litter. That one's yours, Snow.","[Scene shifts to bells ringing at Kings Landing. In front of the Iron Throne, surrounded by druidical looking celebrants, lies the body of JON ARRYN. Up in the balcony, CERSEI watches the scene below as JAIME approaches.]","JAIME: As your brother, I feel it's my duty to warn you: You worry too much. It's starting to show.","CERSEI: And you never worry about anything. When we were seven, you jumped off the cliffs as Casterly Rock. One hundred foot drop into the water. And you were never afraid.","JAIME: There was nothing to be afraid of until you told father. [In a whisper, mimicking] We're Lannisters. Lannisters don't act like fools.","CERSEI: What if Jon Arryn told someone?","JAIME: But who would he tell?","CERSEI: My husband.","JAIME: If he told the king, both our heads would be skewered on the city gates by now. Whatever Jon Arryn knew or didn't know, it died with him. And Robert will choose a new Hand of the king, someone to do his job while he's off f*cking boars and hunting whores. Or is it the other way around? And life will go on.","CERSEI: You should be the Hand of the king.","JAIME: That's an honor I can do without. Their days are too long, their lives are too short.","[Scene shifts to a raven approaching Winterfell. CATELYN crosses a busy courtyard and finds NED in the godswood.]","CATELYN: All these years and I still feel like an outsider when I come here.","NED: You have five northern children. You're not an outsider.","CATELYN: I wonder if the old gods agree.","NED: It's your gods with all the rules.","CATELYN: I am so sorry, my love.","NED: Tell me.","CATELYN: There was a raven from Kings Landing. Jon Arryn is dead. A fever took him. I know he was like a father to you.","NED: Your sister. The boy ...","CATELYN: They both have their health. Gods be good. [pause] The raven brought more news. The king rides for Winterfell. With the queen and all the rest of them.","NED: He's coming this far North, there's only one thing he's after.","CATELYN: You can always say no, Ned.","[Scene shifts to the Winterfell great hall where a great banquet is being prepared.]","CATELYN: We need plenty of candles for Lord Tyrion's chamber. I'm told he reads all night.","MAESTER LUWIN: I'm told he drinks all night.","CATELYN: How much could he possibly drink? A man of his ... stature.","LUWIN: We've brought up eight barrels of ale from the cellar. Perhaps we'll find out.","CATELYN: In any case, candles.","[Scene shifts to Robb, Theon, and Jon getting barbered.]","JON: Why's your mother so dead-set on us getting pretty for the king?","THEON: It's for the queen, I bet. I hear she's [sleek as a mink?]","ROBB: I hear the prince is a right royal prick.","THEON: Think of all those southern girls he gets to stab with his right royal prick.","ROBB: Go on, Tommy, shave him good. He's never met a girl he likes better than his own hair.","[Scene shifts to the royal procession approaching Winterfell. Bran sees them from his perch high atop a castle wall and clambers nimbly down to tell everyone. CATELYN and LUWIN walk to the courtyard, passing BRAN's wolf pup.]","CATELYN: Gods, but they grow fast. [Seeing BRAN on the wall] Brandon!","BRAN: I saw the king! He's got hundreds of people!","CATELYN: How many times have I told you: No climbing!","BRAN: But he's coming right now! Down our road!","CATELYN: I want you to promise me: No more climbing.","BRAN (looking down): I promise.","CATELYN: D'you know what?","BRAN: What?","CATELYN: You always look at your feet before you lie. Run and find your father. Tell him the king is close.","[BRAN runs off, followed by his wolf pup.]","[Scene shifts to grand entry of the king's horses and men. ARYA, wearing a helm and cloak, pushes her way into a tall wagon for a better look. In rides JOFFREY, followed by the HOUND. The other Starks wait in a greeting line.]","CATELYN: Where's Arya? Sansa, where's your sister?","[More riders with banners. ARYA scoots past her parents to get in the receiving line.]","NED: Hey,, hey, hey, hey. What are you doing with that on? [Pulls off ARYA's helm]","ARYA (pushing BRAN): Move!","[JOFFREY rides up, SANSA smiles at him, ROBB glares at JOFFREY. The HOUND pulls up his helm. The coach carrying CERSEI lumbers in, followed by KING ROBERT. All kneel. ROBERT heaves himself off his horse. NED looks shocked at the sight of his old friend, now fat and red-faced. ROBERT signals for all to rise and looks at NED.]","NED: Your Grace.","ROBERT: You've got fat.","[NED gives ROBERT a \"What about you?\" look. They start laughing.]","ROBERT: Cat!","CATELYN: Your Grace.","ROBERT: Nine years. Why haven't I seen you? Where the hell have you been?","NED: Guarding the North for you, Your Grace. Winterfell is yours.","[CERSEI and her other children descend from the coach.]","ARYA: Where's the Imp?","SANSA: Will you shut up?","ROBERT: Who have we here? You must be Robb. (To Sansa) My, you're a pretty one. (To Arya) Your name is?","ARYA: Arya.","ROBERT (to BRAN) Ooh. Show us your muscles. You'll be a soldier.","[JAIME removes his helm.]","ARYA: That's Jaime Lannister. The queen's twin brother.","SANSA: Would you please shut up.","[CERSEI approaches.]","NED: My queen.","CATELYN: My queen.","ROBERT: Take me to your crypt. I want to pay my respects.","CERSEI: We've been riding for a month, my love. Surely the dead can wait.","ROBERT: Ned.","ARYA: Where's the Imp?","[CERSEI, humiliated in front of all, walks back to JAIME.]","CERSEI: Where is our brother? Go find the little beast.","[Scene changes to the crypt.]","NED: Tell me about Jon Arryn.","ROBERT: One minute he was fine, and then ... Burned right through him, whatever it was. I loved that man.","NED: We both did.","ROBERT: He never had to teach you much, but me ... You remember me at 16? All I wanted to do was crack skulls and f*ck girls. He showed me what was what.","NED: Aye.","ROBERT: Don't look at me like that. Not his fault I didn't listen. (They laugh. ROBERT sighs.) I need you, Ned. Down at Kings Landing. Not up here, where you're no damn use to anybody. Lord Eddard Stark, I would name you the Hand of the king.","[NED kneels.]","NED: I'm not worthy of the honor.","ROBERT: I'm not trying to honor you. I'm trying to get you to run my kingdom while I eat, drink, and whore my way to an early grave. Damn it, Ned, stand up. You helped me win the Iron Throne, now help me keep the damn thing. We were meant to rule together. If your sister had lived, we would have been bound by blood. Well, it's not too late. I have a son, you have a daughter. We'll join our Houses.","[Scene changes to JAIME in the Winterfell settlement. We see Tyrion inside a whorehouse, swilling liquor and laughing as a woman pops into view after servicing him.]","TYRION: Mmh. It is true what they say about the Northern girls.","ROS: Did you hear the king's in Winterfell?","TYRION: I did hear something about that.","ROS: And the queen. And her twin brother. They say that he is the most handsome man in the Seven Kingdoms.","TYRION: And the other brother?","ROS: The queen has two brothers?","TYRION: There's the pretty one. And there's the clever one.","ROS: I hear they call him the Imp.","TYRION: I hear he hates that nickname.","ROS: Oh? I hear he's more than earned it. I hear he's a drunken little lecher into all manner of perversions.","TYRION: Clever girl.","ROS: We've been expecting you, Lord Tyrion.","TYRION: Have you?","TYRION: The gods gave me one blessing.","[She climbs on TYRION. JAIME walks in without knocking.]","JAIME: Don't get up.","ROS: M'lord.","TYRION: Should I explain to you the meaning of a closed door in a whorehouse, brother?","JAIME: You've much to teach me, no doubt. But our sister craves your attention.","TYRION: She has odd cravings, our sister.","JAIME: A family trait. Now, the Starks are feasting us at sundown. Don't leave me alone with these people.","TYRION: I'm sorry, I've begun the feast a bit early. And this is the first of many courses.","JAIME: I thought you might say that. But since we're short on time, (he opens the door; a bevy of whores enter and descend on TYRION) Come on, girls. See you at sundown.","[JAIME leaves.]","TYRION: Close the door!","[Scene changes to the Winterfell crypt, at Lyanna's tomb. Robert places a feather in the hand of her statue.]","ROBERT: Did you have to bury her in a place like this? She should be on a hill somewhere with the sun and the clouds above her.","NED: She was my sister. This is where she belongs.","ROBERT: She belonged with me.","[He touches Lyanna's face.]","ROBERT: In my dreams, I kill him every night.","NED: It's done, Your Grace. The Targaryens are gone.","ROBERT: Not all of them.","[Scene shifts to Daenerys on a balcony in Pentos, across the Narrow Sea.]","VISERYS (off camera): Daenerys!","[He enters a large chamber.]","VISERYS: Daenerys! There's our bride to be! Look - a gift from Illyrio. Touch it. Come on. Feel the fabric. Mmmm. Isn't he a gracious host?","DAENERYS: We've been his guests for over a year and he's never asked us for anything.","VISERYS: Illyrio is no fool. He knows I won't forget my friends when I come into my throne. You still slouch. Let me see. (He pulls off her gown.) You have a woman's body now. (She endures it as he strokes her breast.) I need you to be perfect today. Can you do that for me? You don't want to wake the dragon, do you?","DAENERYS: No.","[VISERYS nods and starts to leave the chamber. He turns.]","VISERYS: When they write the history of my reign, sweet sister, they will say it began today.","[Daenerys turns and steps into a steaming hot bath with a despairing look on her face.]","MAID: It's too hot, my lady.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[But DAENERYS keeps stepping deeper. The scene shifts to ILLYRIOS, DAENERYS, AND VISERYS outside the mansion, awaiting Khal Drogo.]","VISERYS: Where is he?","ILLYRIO: The Dothraki are not known for their punctuality.","[A host of Dothraki come riding up. Khal Drogo wheels his stallion into the front.]","ILLYRIO: (Greets them in Dothraki.) May I present my honored guests? Viserys of House Targaryen, the third of his name. The rightful King of the Andals and the First Men. And his sister, Daenerys, of the House Targaryen.","VISERYS (to DAENERYS) Do you see how long his hair is? When Dothraki are defeated in combat, they cut off their braid so the whole world can see their shame. Khal Drogo has never been defeated. He's a savage, of course, but he's one of the finest killers alive. And you will be his queen.","ILLYRIO: Come forward, my dear.","[KHAL DROGO watches as DAENERYS walks toward him. She does not hesitate and looks straight at him, although there is fear on her face. KHAL DROGO gazes at her and then leads his horsemen on a charge away.]","VISERYS: Where's he going?","ILLYRIO: The ceremony is over.","VISERYS: But he didn't say anything. Did he like her?","ILLYRIO: Trust me, Your Grace. If he didn't like her, we'd know.","[The scene shifts to ILLYRIO, VISERYS, AND DAENERYS ON A GARDEN BALCONY OVERLOOKING THE SEA.]","ILLYRIO: It won't be long now. Soon you will cross the Narrow Sea and take back your father's throne. The people drink secret toasts to your health. They cry out for their true king.","VISERYS: When will they be married?","ILLYRIO: Soon. The Dothraki never stay still for long.","VISERYS: Is it true they lie with their horses?","ILLYRIO: I wouldn't ask Khal Drogo.","VISERYS: Do you take me for a fool?","ILLYRIO: I take you for a king. Kings lack the caution of common men. My apologies if I've given offense.","VISERYS: I know how to play a man like Drogo. I give him a queen and he gives me an army.","DAENERYS (pleadingly) I don't want to be his queen. I want to go home.","VISERYS: So do I. I want us both to go home. But they took it from us. So tell me, sweet sister, how do we go home?","DAENERYS: I don't know.","VISERYS: We go home with an army. With Khal Drogo's army. I would let his whole tribe f*ck you, all 40,000 men and their horses too, if that's what it took.","[He gives DAENERYS a brotherly kiss on the forehead and walks away. The scene shifts to a bedroom in Winterfell, where CATELYN is fixing SANSA'S hair.]","SANSA: Do you think Joffrey will like me? What if he thinks I'm ugly?","CATELYN: Then he is the stupidest prince that ever lived.","SANSA: He's so handsome.","[CATELYN rolls her eyes.]","SANSA: When would we be married? Soon or do we have to wait?","CATELYN: Hush now. Your father hasn't even said yes.","SANSA: Why would he say no? He'd be the second most powerful man in the kingdoms.","CATELYN: He'd have to leave home. He'd have to leave me. And so would you.","SANSA: You left your home to come here. And I'd be queen someday. Please make father say yes.","CATELYN: Sansa...","SANSA: Please, please. It's the only thing I ever wanted.","[Scene shifts to the Winterfell banquet. Laughter, music, KING ROBERT getting bawdy with a wench. CATELYN and CERSEI watch, CATELYN embarrassed for CERSEI, who looks disgusted. Out in the courtyard, JON takes out his frustration on a fencing dummy. His uncle BENJEN rides up.]","BENJEN: Is he dead yet?","JON: Uncle Benjen!","[They hug.]","BENJEN: You got bigger. I rode all day. Didn't want to leave you alone with the Lannisters. Why aren't you at the feast?","JON: Lady Stark thought it might insult the royal family to seat a b*st*rd in their midst.","BENJEN: Well, you're always welcome on the wall. No b*st*rd was ever refused a seat there.","JON: So take me with you when you go back.","BENJEN: Jon...","JON: Father will let me if you ask him, I know he will.","BENJEN: The Wall isn't going anywhere.","JON: I'm ready to swear your oath.","BENJEN: You don't understand what you'd be giving up. We have no families. None of us will ever father sons.","JON: I don't care about that.","BENJEN: You might, if you knew what it meant. ... I'd better get inside. Rescue your father from his guests. We'll talk later.","[BENJEN goes to the banquet.]","TYRION: Your uncle's in the Night's Watch.","JON: What're you doing back there?","TYRION (drinking): Preparing for a night with your family. I've always wanted to see the Wall.","JON: You're Tyrion Lannister. The queen's brother?","TYRION: My greatest accomplishment. You - you're Ned Stark's b*st*rd, aren't you?","[JON looks angry and turns away.]","TYRION: Did I offend you? Sorry. You are the b*st*rd, though.","JON: Lord Eddard Stark is my father.","TYRION: And Lady Stark is not your mother. Making you a b*st*rd. Let me give you some advice, b*st*rd. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor. Then it can never be used to hurt you.","JON: What the hell do you know about being a b*st*rd?","TYRION: All dwarves are bastards in their fathers' eyes.","[TYRION departs. JON picks up his sword and attacks the dummy with new ferocity.]","[The scene shifts back to the banquet, in full raucous swing. NED is off to himself; BENJEN comes up to him.]","BENJEN: You at a feast -- It's like a bear in a trap.","NED: The boy I beheaded. Did you know him?","BENJEN: Of course I did. Just a lad. But he was tough, Ned. A true Ranger.","NED: He was talking madness. Said the Walkers slaughtered his friends.","BENJEN: The two he was with are still missing.","NED: A wildling ambush.","BENJEN: Maybe. Direwolves south of the wall. Talk of the Walkers. My brother might be the next Hand to the king. Winter is coming.","NED: Winter is coming.","[ROBB approaches.]","ROBB: Uncle Benjen.","BENJEN: Robb boy. How are ye?","ROBB: I'm good.","[KING ROBERT gets even more bawdy with a wench.]","CATELYN (in desperation) Is this your first time in the North, Your Grace?","CERSEI: Yes. Lovely country.","[They observe SANSA.]","CATELYN: I'm sure it's very grim, after Kings Landing. I remember how scared I was when Ned brought me up here for the first time.","[SANSA approaches and smiles shyly at CERSEI.]","CERSEI: Hello, little dove. But you are a beauty. How old are you?","SANSA: Thirteen, Your Grace.","CERSEI: You're tall. Still growing?","SANSA: I think so, Your Grace.","CERSEI: And have you bled yet?","SANSA (discomfited): No, Your Grace.","CERSEI: And your dress. Did you make it?","[SANSA nods yes.]","CERSEI: Such talent. You must make something for me.","[SANSA departs.]","CERSEI (to CATELYN]: I hear we might share a grandchild someday.","CATELYN: I hear the same.","CERSEI: Your daughter will do well in the capital. Such a beauty shouldn't stay hidden up here forever.","[SANSA and JOFFREY catch each other's eye. JOFFREY smiles at her and she turns to her friend.]","[JAIME and NED meet up. JAIME blocks their path.]","NED: Your pardon.","JAIME: I hear we might be neighbors soon. I hope it's true.","NED: Yes, the king has honored me with his offer.","JAIME: I'm sure we'll have a tournament to celebrate the new title, if you accept. It would be good to have you in the field. The competition has become a bit stale.","NED: I don't fight in tournaments.","JAIME: No? Getting a little old for it?","NED: I don't fight in tournaments because when I fight a man for real, I don't want him to know what I can do.","JAIME: Well said.","[ARYA flips food onto SANSA's face.]","SANSA: Arya!","[CATELYN signals a laughing ROBB to deal with the girls. He hoists up ARYA.]","ROBB: Time for bed.","[The scene shifts to after the banquet. NED and CATELYN are in their bed.]","NED: I'm a Northman. I belong here with you, not down south in that rat's nest they call a capital.","CATELYN: I won't let him take you.","NED: The king takes what he wants. That's why he's king.","CATELYN: I'll say, 'Listen, fat man, you are not taking my husband anywhere. He belongs to me now.'","NED: How did he get so fat?","CATELYN: He only stops eating when it's time for a drink.","[There's a knock at the door.]","A VOICE: It's Maester Luwin, my lord.","NED: Send him in.","LUWIN: Pardon, my lord, my lady. A rider in the night from your sister.","[He hands CATELYN a sealed note.]","NED: Stay.","CATELYN: This was sent from the Eyrie. What's she doing at the Eyrie? She hasn't been back there since her wedding.","[CATELYN reads the note, looks up in alarm, and then burns it.]","NED: What news?","CATELYN: She's fled the capital. She says Jon Arryn was murdered. By the Lannisters. She says the king is in danger.","NED: She's fresh widowed, Cat. She doesn't know what she's saying.","CATELYN: Lysa's head would be on a spike right now if the wrong people had found that letter. Do you think she would risk her life, her son's life, if she wasn't certain her husband was murdered?","LUWIN: If this news is true, and the Lannisters conspire against the throne, who but you can protect the king?","CATELYN: They murdered the last Hand. Now you want Ned to take the job.","LUWIN: The king rode for a month to ask Lord Stark's help. He's the only one he trusts. You swore the king an oath, my lord.","CATELYN: He spent half his life fighting Robert's wars. He owes him nothing. (To NED) Your father and brother rode south once on a king's demand.","LUWIN: A different time. Different king.","[The scene shifts to the wild wedding celebration of KHAL DROGO and DAENERYS. Fighting and fornication. DAENERYS looks stricken at everything around her.]","VISERYS: When do I meet with the Khal? We need to begin planning the invasion.","ILLYRIO: If Khal Drogo has promised you a crown, you shall have it.","VISERYS: When?","ILLYRIO: When their omens favor war.","VISERYS: I piss on Dothraki omens. I waited 17 years to get my throne back.","[The s*x and violence intensify. Two men fight to the death over a woman each is trying to rape. KHAL DROGO watches avidly.]","ILLYRIO: A Dothraki wedding without at least three deaths is considered a dull affair.","[A knight in Westerosi garb appears. KHAL DROGO greets him in Dothraki. It is JORAH MORMONT, bearing books.]","JORAH: A small gift for the new Khaleesi. Songs and histories from the Seven Kingdoms.","DAENERYS: Thank you, ser. Are you from my country?","JORAH: Ser Jorah Mormont of Bear Island. I served your father for many years. Gods be good, I hope to always serve the rightful king.","[DANY is presented with a chest with three dragon eggs in it.]","ILLYRIO: Dragons' eggs, Daenerys. From the Shadow Lands beyond Asshai. The ages have turned them to stone, but they will always be beautiful.","DAENERYS: Thank you, Magister.","[KHAL DROGO rises and strides forward. DAENERYS follows him, looking sick with fear. The Dothraki crowd behind her as she goes. The KHAL leads her to a white mare.]","DAENERYS: She's beautiful. ... Ser Jorah, I don't know how to say 'thank you' in Dothraki.","JORAH: There is no word for 'thank you' in Dothraki.","[The KHAL puts DANY on her horse and mounts his.]","VISERYS: Make him happy.","[The scene shifts to the seaside at sunset. The KHAL begins to unwrap DANY's dress. She is sobbing. He touches the tears on her face.]","KHAL DROGO: No.","DAENERYS: Do you know the Common Tongue?","KHAL DROGO: No.","DAENERYS: Is 'no' the only word that you know?","KHAL DROGO: No.","[He takes off her gown and bends her down.]","[The scene shifts to Winterfell. Tyrion and the Hound are seated outside the day after the banquet.]","THE HOUND: Rough night, Imp?","TYRION: If I get through this without squirting from one end or the other, it will be a miracle.","THE HOUND: I didn't pick you for a hunter.","TYRION: The greatest in the land. My spear never misses.","THE HOUND: It's not hunting if you pay for it.","[The king and Ned come into view.]","ROBERT: Are you as good with a spear as you used to be?","NED: No, but I'm still better than you.","ROBERT: I know what I'm putting you through. Thank you for saying yes. I only ask you because I need you. You're a loyal friend. You hear me? A loyal friend. The last one I've got.","NED: I hope I'll serve you well.","ROBERT: You will. And I'll make sure you don't look so f*cking grim all the time. Come on, boys, let's go kill some boar!","[The king's party rides off, NED nodding goodbye to BRAN, whose wolf pup begins sniffing at his feet.]","BRAN: Come on, you.","[BRAN begins climbing, his wolf pup crying at the bottom of the castle wall. As he nears the top, he hears a woman and man moaning. Peering in the window, he sees CERSEI and JAIME having s*x. CERSEI sees BRAN.]","CERSEI: Stop. STOP.","[JAIME runs and grabs BRAN at the window.]","JAIME: Are you completely mad?","CERSEI: He saw us.","JAIME: It's all right. It's all right.","CERSEI: He saw us!","JAIME: I heard you the first time. (To BRAN) Quite the little climber, aren't you? How old are you, boy?","BRAN: Ten","[SCENE_BREAK]","JAIME: Ten.","[JAIME looks at CERSEI, who gazes back imploringly.]","JAIME: The things I do for love.","[He shoves BRAN out the window.]"],"Show Title":"Game of Thrones","Episode Number":"01x01","Episode Title":"Winter is Coming","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Gilmore_Girls_01x13.json","Recap":["Lorelai, Sookie, Rory, and Lane plan to attend The Bangles ' concert, but when Lane's mother finds the truth, she bans her from going. Lorelai and Sookie offer up the three tickets so Rory can take Madeline, Louise, and Paris, which backfires when Madeline and Louise take off with two mysterious boys for a party."],"Transcript":["1.13 - Concert Interruptus","CUT TO LORELAI'S ROOM","[Lorelai looking through her closet. Rory laying on her bed]","LORELAI: Absolutely nothing.","RORY: Oh come on.","LORELAI: I'm sorry, I'm looking but there is nothing in here.","RORY: Oh, you're kidding right?","LORELAI: No, everything in here I wear.","RORY: What?","LORELAI: I do. There's nothing to give up.","RORY: The red and black halter top?","LORELAI: Oh, no.","RORY: Why?","LORELAI: Uh, it's a classic.","RORY: It's got rhinestones and zebra stripes on it.","LORELAI: So?","RORY: Tassels.","LORELAI: Yes.","RORY: It has tassels mom.","LORELAI: Ok, I've had this since I was 17","RORY: Ok, I'm sorry did I mention the tassels?","LORELAI: You are heartless and unsentimental.","RORY: And you are a hopeless packrat.","LORELAI: I don't understand why I have to up root my happy family of clothing anyway.","RORY: Because it's a charity rummage sale.","LORELAI: I know.","RORY: That you helped organize.","LORELAI: Ok.","RORY: And volunteered to run.","LORELAI: It was very, very hot in that room that day, I was dehydrated. They could've talked me into anything.","RORY: It was your idea.","LORELAI: Ok, I am a very sick woman and that should be apparent to anyone.","RORY: Ok, get out of the way.","LORELAI: [Blocking her closet] What are you doing?","RORY: Step away from the closet please. [pushes her aside]","LORELAI: Oh! Oh, this is so unfair! Oh no, no, no. [Rory takes a section out of her closet] Not that whole chunk! Well, just - ok take that, that's ugly. Just that one...no...uh.","RORY: [walking to the dresser] Ok, now all of this goes [pointing to clothes in her arms] I want you to come over here to this dresser, open up the top drawer and take out everything that you'd be embarrassed to be wearing during a car accident. Meet me downstairs. [leaves. Over her shoulder] Move!","CUT GILMORE LIVING ROOM","RORY: Sweater?","LANE: Over here.","RORY: Jeans?","LANE: In back of you.","RORY: A big furry purple thing that could be either a hat, a toilet paper cover or some kind of dirty hand puppet.","LANE: Mystery box on the left.","[Luke enters with two bags]","LUKE: Hey.","RORY: Hey Luke.","LUKE: Where do you want these?","RORY: What do you have?","LUKE: Clothes, rags and some old pots and pans [holding up respective bag at a time]","RORY: Kitchenware can go in the kitchen and the clothes can go right over there.","LUKE: Ok. [heads for the kitchen after putting clothes down]","LORELAI: [comes down the stairs] Here Grinch.","RORY: Thank you.","LORELAI: Who wants cheese?","RORY: Are there crackers?","LORELAI: Somewhere in the state of Connecticut, yes there are crackers.","RORY: And the Gilmore house?","LORELAI: Who wants cheese?","LANE: Me please. Um, kittens in the toilet poster? [holds up poster]","RORY: Another one?","LANE: This one's signed.","LORELAI: [from the kitchen] Ah! There a man in my kitchen, somebody call the constable.","LUKE: [coming into the living room. Lorelai following] You're mom's a fruit cake.","LORELAI: Fruit cakes by the door please.","LUKE: Good bye Rory, I wish you luck - [looks at Lorelai] with everything.","RORY: I appreciate that.","LORELAI: Ok, so rummage sale's Sunday, today is Tuesday. At this rate, we are going to be sleeping in the yard by Thursday. We have got to start getting some of this stuff out of the living room.","TAYLOR: Hello?","LORELAI: Go away.","TAYLOR: I have a full set of dishes.","RORY: Come on in Taylor.","LORELAI: Oh, um, dishes in the kitchen please.","TAYLOR: Ok, but I have to explain something first.","LORELAI: Fine go ahead.","TAYLOR: The butter dish has a small chip in it.","LORELAI: Safety tip - got it.","TAYLOR: It's fine. I filed down the chip and if you place it strategically on the table, nobody will ever know.","LORELAI: Uh, Taylor, would you like to write out some sort of instruction manual to go with the dishes?","TAYLOR: Oh, could I?","LORELAI: Notepad's in the kitchen.","[Lorelai looks through bags]","LORELAI: Ooh, that's nice.","RORY: Put that back.","LORELAI: But it has rhinestones on it.","RORY: The point of this is to get crap out of here, not to trade it in for new crap.","LORELAI: Ok, are you seeing this?","RORY: Yes I am.","LORELAI: No, I don't think you are, because if you were seeing this, you would see that this obviously has \u0091Lorelai' written all over it.","RORY: Fine, we'll just get rid of it at next year's sale.","LORELAI: Thank you.","[Sookie enters]","SOOKIE: Ok, you guys are gonna love me.","LORELAI: We already love you.","SOOKIE: No, I mean you're really gonna love me.","LORELAI: We do.","SOOKIE: Trust me, you guys are gonna so love me.","LORELAI: Ok, the love is starting to fade now Sookie.","SOOKIE: I have here in my hand, as requested by Ms. Lorelai Gilmore, four fabulous tickets to the Bangles at the Pastorella theater on Saturday!","LORELAI: What?","RORY: No?","SOOKIE: Do you love me?","LORELAI: Oh baby do I!","LANE: Are these good seats? These look like good seats.","SOOKIE: 9th row, aisle.","LORELAI: I can't believe you got me my tickets! Well, how did you score these?","SOOKIE: Remember the Birnbaum wedding?","LORELAI: Fiji fantasy?","SOOKIE: Yes. They were so thrilled with the volcano wedding cake that they wanted to do something nice for me and since Mr. Birnbaum runs a ticket agency and I knew you were dying to so, so I asked him if he could...","LORELAI: Make four girls very happy.","SOOKIE: Yeah and he did!","LORELAI: Huzzah for the Birnbaums!","RORY: Hey Sookie, if you got four tickets and you and mom go, then that means...","SOOKIE: Hmm, one for you and one for Lane! [Lane and Sookie hug] Oh, chickadee!","LORELAI: This is gonna be a very special night. And you know what a very, very special night deserves?","RORY: What?","LORELAI: [pulls out a hot pink dress] A new outfit!","RORY: Mom.","LORELAI: Yes.","RORY: No.","LORELAI: What could the problem be?","RORY: This is the tackiest...","CUT TO CHILTON","MS. CALDECOTT: As I mentioned yesterday, we will be holding a debate next week. Your subject \u0091Did Charles I receive a fair trial' The pros will represent the parliament who deemed they had sovereignty and the cons will represent the monarch and try and prove that the charge against him was not legal. What is fascinating Mr. Dugray? [catching him looking at Rory]","TRISTIN: Uh, nothing Ms. Caldecott.","MS. CALDECOTT: Nothing Mr. Dugray?","TRISTIN: My notes - my notes are fascinating Ms. Caldecott.","MS. CALDECOTT: Yes they are fascinating Mr. Dugray. As I was saying, the pro and con teams will each have two minutes and 30 seconds for introductions, six minutes to debate, three minutes for conclusions and five minutes for questions from the audience. The winner shall be decided by a hand count from the rest of the class. Does that sound like fun Mr. Dugray? [again, he's looking at Rory]","TRISTIN: What?","MS. CALDECOTT: The debate. Does it sound like fun?","TRISTIN: Yes, it does.","MS. CALDECOTT: It does, doesn't it Mr. Dugray?","TRISTIN: Oh, it absolutely does Ms. Caldecott.","MS. CALDECOTT: More fun than staring at Miss Gilmore's ear?","TRISTIN: Yes Ms. Caldecott.","MS. CALDECOTT: Yeah, I think so too. Ok, any questions? Good, I'll assign your teams. [Pointing] You, you, you, you - con. You, you, you, you, - pro. [in background for next two lines] You, you, you, you - con. You, you, you -","PARIS: [whispers] Who did she point to?","MADELINE: [whispers] Well I think she... [looking at Louise and Rory]","PARIS: [stands up] Excuse me, Ms. Caldecott?","MS. CALDECOTT: Miss Geller?","PARIS: I wasn't sure who you pointed to just now.","MS. CALDECOTT: Oh, uh, let's see. You, Miss Lynn, Miss Grant and Miss Gilmore.","PARIS: Are you sure?","MS. CALDECOTT: Yes I am, but thank you for asking. [Paris sits] Ok, you, you, you and you - pro. You and you - con.","CUT TO HALLWAY","[Paris, Louise, Madeline and Rory standing around]","RORY: So I guess we should make a plan.","MADELINE: To do what?","PARIS: To work out our debate Madeline.","MADELINE: Oh, yeah right.","LOUISE: We need a place to work.","PARIS: My house is out.","LOUISE: Why?","PARIS: Because it is.","LOUISE: You need a reason.","PARIS: My mother is having the entire place redone, she wants all evidence of my father out of there. So unless you want to sit on no furniture, while watching three Harvey Fierstein impersonators rip up the carpet and paint everything a ridiculous shade of white and call it \u0091angel's kiss' then we're going to have to find somebody else's house to go to.","MADELINE: My brother has the measels.","LOUISE: My mom's having an affair.","RORY: Well I guess we can go to my house. I mean, we're having a town rummage sale so it's kind of a mess, but it's there.","LOUISE: Isn't your house kind of far?","RORY: It's thirty minutes away by bus.","LOUISE: Bus? I don't do \u0091bus'.","RORY: Well if you have a better suggestion -","PARIS: I'll drive.","RORY: Ok, so then tomorrow.","MADELINE: Tomorrow.","LOUISE: Fine.","PARIS: Fine.","TRISTIN: [walks right past Rory] Hey Paris.","PARIS: Tristin, hi.","TRISTIN: You know I was really hoping we'd be in the same group.","PARIS: You were?","TRISTIN: Oh yeah. I mean, it would make the long hours of studying go by a lot faster. Plus, come on - you and me on the same team, we'd wipe the floor with the others. I guess we'll just have to pair up on something else then huh?","PARIS: That would be good.","TRISTIN: Yeah it would. I'll see you later. Bye Madeline, bye Louise.","LOUISE: Tristin suddenly has very big eyes for you grandma.","MADELINE: Lucky.","PARIS: Stop it, he's just being nice.","MADELINE: He should be so nice to me.","LOUISE: And me.","PARIS: We need to get to class [the three of them leave. Paris is smiling.]","CUT TO RORY AND LANE WALKING TO KIM HOUSE","RORY: Tomorrow.","LANE: Wow.","RORY: Yup.","LANE: All three of them huh?","RORY: Double, double toil and trouble.","LANE: Well, it should make for an interesting afternoon.","RORY: With the pricking of my thumb, something wicked this way comes.","LANE: You're doing very well in the Shakespeare class aren't you?","RORY: Not bad.","LANE: Good.","RORY: Thanks. Ok so what's the plan?","LANE: We'll go in and ask her if I can go to a play tomorrow night with you and Lorelai.","RORY: A play?","LANE: I think that's the safest word. Show or concert would be very bad.","RORY: What about saying it's a movie?","LANE: Too far from the truth - almost a lie.","RORY: But a play is not a lie?","LANE: Well it's far away from the truth that it might work but close enough to the truth that I think I can negotiate a purgatory stint if forced to.","RORY: Play it is.","LANE: Ok, we're going in.","[pan to inside Kim household]","MAN: Are you sure it's an original Queen Anne?","MRS. KIM: Yes - original.","MAN: The joints look wrong.","MRS. KIM: Joints are fine.","MAN: They look new.","MRS. KIM: Not new, nothing's new - whole store is old.","MAN: Do you have a certificate or a letter that you write saying that it's old.","MRS. KIM: Yes, I'll write a letter.","MAN: Ok, well I guess if it's really old, I'll take it.","MRS. KIM: We appreciate your business.","LANE: [whispers to Rory] She just made a sale, now is a good time. [louder] Hi mama.","MRS. KIM: What's wrong?","LANE: Nothing.","MRS. KIM: You look flushed.","LANE: I do?","MRS. KIM: You eat candy?","LANE: No.","MRS. KIM: Doughnut?","LANE: No.","MRS. KIM: Hostess fruit-pie?","LANE: No, nothing, I'm fine.","RORY: Hello Mrs. Kim.","MRS. KIM: Rory.","LANE: Mama can I talk to you for a minute?","MRS. KIM: I'm busy.","LANE: I know, I was just wondering if I could go somewhere tomorrow with Rory and her mom.","MRS. KIM: Tomorrow is church.","LANE: This would be after church.","MRS. KIM: After church we think about what we heard in church.","LANE: Well I thought I could think about what I heard in church on the way to the show.","MRS. KIM: Show?","RORY: Play.","LANE: Not show, play - it's a play mama.","MRS. KIM: Tell me about this play. What's it about?","LANE: Ok, well, it's about a group of people who own instruments and stand in front of other people holding them.","MRS. KIM: What?","LANE: I'm not sure what it's about.","RORY: We could find out.","MRS. KIM: You find out, then we talk.","MAN: Excuse me, I'd really like that letter if you don't mind.","MRS. KIM: Yes I'm coming. [leaves]","RORY: How's that purgatory negotiation looking?","LANE: Not good.","RORY: What do we do now?","LANE: I'll ask again later.","RORY: Well call me if you need anything.","LANE: Thanks, I will.","CUT TO LUKE'S WITH A RUMMAGE SALE SIGN IN THE WINDOW","LUKE: If you want coffee, you'll have to wait.","RORY: Hey Luke, someone put a sign for the rummage sale up in your window over there.","LUKE: You can have decaf right now if you're in a hurry.","RORY: You should call the cops about this. I mean we all know how you feel about public displays of town affection.","LUKE: Your mom asked me to put it there ok?","RORY: And you said yes?","LUKE: She's not real good with \u0091no'.","RORY: No she's not.","LUKE: For every second you laugh at me, that's one second longer you're waiting for coffee.","RORY: Sorry, no laughing. [he leaves]","[Lorelai walks in with a black and brown polka dot cowboy hat on]","LORELAI: Margaret Atworthy just dropped off three boxes of city council pot holders and begged me to take her grandson. People are getting crazy man. What?","RORY: What are you wearing?","LORELAI: Hey, we have already argued about the sweatshirt.","RORY: Yes but we have not argued about the hat.","LORELAI: What hat?","RORY: The one on your head, Annie Oakley.","LORELAI: It's great isn't it?","RORY: As nice as it is that you're single handedly trying to rebuild the bridge, you have got to stop buying up other people's junk.","LORELAI: The money goes to charity. I look cute. Case closed. Oh finally, the coffee cavalry arrives.","LUKE: What the hell do you think you're wearing?","LORELAI: A hat.","LUKE: Take that off.","LORELAI: What?","LUKE: Now that is not yours, take it off.","LORELAI: But I'll have hat hair.","LUKE: I'm talking about the sweatshirt.","LORELAI: Luke calm down.","LUKE: That is not yours.","LORELAI: No, I found it in the bags of stuff for the sale.","LUKE: Oh so you just find something and then you take it is that it?","LORELAI: No, I paid for it.","LUKE: Oh so that makes it alright.","LORELAI: It makes it legal. What is the matter with you?","LUKE: Nothing. Nothing is the matter.","LORELAI: Luke...","LUKE: Pour your own coffee. [puts coffee pot down on the counter and leaves]","CUT TO GILMORE HOUSE","[Living room is stuffed with bags\/boxes of stuff to the point where you can't see furniture]","LORELAI: [sighs] Ok just a question. Did anyone in town keep anything?","SOOKIE: Doesn't look like it.","LORELAI: I'm never being civic-minded again.","SOOKIE: Honey, you're doing a good thing. [falls] Ow!","LORELAI: Sookie!","SOOKIE: I'm ok.","LORELAI: Wave an arm.","SOOKIE: [Waving her arm] Here.","LORELAI: I gotcha. [takes her hand and starts to pull her up]","SOOKIE: Hold on, something down here likes me.","LORELAI: Oh.","SOOKIE: Yeah, I'm good. Hold on. Up, please.","RORY: Jeez this stuff is like tribbles.","LORELAI: Oh, thank God - just in time. Grab a bag and move it to the side of the room and be very careful, this pile just tried to eat Sookie.","RORY: Maybe I should sic it on Paris when she gets here.","LORELAI: Oh my God, that's right. You're studying here today.","RORY: Any minute actually.","LORELAI: Oh this place is such a pit.","RORY: Mom don't worry about it. They'll come in, they'll make a face, they'll say something snotty, we'll study, they'll leave. I'm just looking forward to this whole day being over, then I can concentrate on the concert.","LORELAI: Yeah.","MISS PATTY: Lorelai, sweetheart would you come outside please? I want to know where you want me to put these.","LORELAI: Coming Patty!","SOOKIE: Ok, two very large porcelain squirrels.","LORELAI: Set them free.","SOOKIE: Will do.","[Pan to outside. Patty's standing in front of big drums.]","LORELAI: Wow, huh. These are great. They'll really come in handy when we finally organize that giant marching band we've been talking about.","MISS PATTY: I danced on these drums at the Copacabana in 1969.","LORELAI: Wow.","MISS PATTY: Yeah, it was a great act. I wore bananas.","LORELAI: Oh please, tell me you have a picture of that.","MISS PATTY: [chuckles] A lot of memories happened on these drums. But I guess it's time to move on.","LORELAI: Yeah, sure. Now you'll finally have room for the enormous tuba you've hand your eyes on. [Miss Patty looks at her] Just leave - leave these here.","[Inside]","RORY: [on the phone] Yeah, you too. Bye. [hangs up] That was Lane [to Lorelai]","LORELAI: Oh and what's the verdict?","RORY: She decided to be stupid and tell her mother the truth - that she wanted to go to a rock concert with us tonight in New York.","LORELAI: Stupid.","RORY: Stupid.","LORELAI: I'm so sorry.","RORY: I'm making coffee.","MISS PATTY: Well this looks really familiar. [picking up Lorelai's sweatshirt]","LORELAI: Oh, that's mine. Er, I saw it first and then I bought it so it's mine now.","MISS PATTY: Really? Who brought it in?","LORELAI: I think Luke did and judging by his very hostile reaction he obviously wasn't done wearing it yet.","MISS PATTY: Oh my, I wonder if -","LORELAI: What?","MISS PATTY: [to Sookie] I bet this was Rachel's.","SOOKIE: Oh my God - Rachel's?","LORELAI: Rachel? Who's Rachel?","SOOKIE: Rachel was Luke's very serious girlfriend. It does look like her.","LORELAI: When did Luke have a girlfriend?","MISS PATTY: Oh this must have been what, five, six years ago? Did she break that man's heart. It was terrible.","LORELAI: How did I not know about this?","SOOKIE: Honey, you had an 11 year old kid and you were just moving into this house. Plus Rachel traveled all the time. She was a photographer.","MISS PATTY: Archeologist.","SOOKIE: Really?","MISS PATTY: Or a flight attendant.","LORELAI: I can't believe I never even heard about it.","MISS PATTY: At least I think so.","SOOKIE: Well Luke never talks about it. No one else likes to talk about it because he could probably kill you with that coffee pot if he wanted to.","LORELAI: Wow. I never pictured Luke having a girlfriend, or a broken heart.","MISS PATTY: Well I would keep this hidden if I were you. Well I gotta be going. Trampoline class at two.","SOOKIE: Bye Patty.","MISS PATTY: Bye.","LORELAI: Bye, thanks for the drums.","SOOKIE: Ok, these all need to be mended.","LORELAI: My room.","SOOKIE: Mm-hmm. Ok.","[Lorelai looks out the window and sees Paris, Madeline and Louise getting out of a car]","LORELAI: Rory, I think your friends are here. She must be one great babysitter to earn enough money for that car.","RORY: Let's just get this over with.","LORELAI: Take heart my dear. Suffer today party tonight.","LORELAI: [Opens front door] Hi.","LOUISE: Hi.","MADELINE: Hi.","LORELAI: Come one in.","RORY: So did you guys find it ok?","PARIS: There's no sign on this street.","RORY: I know, that's why I told you to turn right at the big rooster statue.","PARIS: I thought you were kidding.","LORELAI: Oh no, we never kid about Monty.","LOUISE: Monty?","LORELAI: Monty the rooster - Monty.","LOUISE: Oh.","RORY: Everybody this is my mom.","LORELAI: Lorelai.","RORY: This is Louise, Madeline and Paris.","LORELAI: Ah, very good girl-group names. Ok, so, um sorry about the house of horrors here. Some crazy lady volunteered to lead this charity thing and we're trying to get her some help, so make yourselves comfortable. Rory, just yell when you guys want pizza.","RORY: Ok.","LORELAI: Ok. [goes upstairs]","RORY: So do you guys want to work in here or in the kitchen?","PARIS: Whatever.","RORY: Ok. [they sit in the livingroom]","PARIS: Ok, so here's how it should go. Madeline will do the introductions, I'll handle the debate, Rory will do the onclusion and Louise will take questions.","RORY: Why do you automatically get to handle the debate?","PARIS: Because I'm the most experienced at it.","MADELINE: Trust me, you want her to handle the debate. She never gives up.","LOUISE: Le pitbull.","RORY: Ok.","LOUISE: So what is all this stuff? [going through some bags]","RORY: Uh, it's for a big town rummage sale.","MADELINE: Like a charity thing?","RORY: Yeah. There's this old bridge that's completely falling apart and the town's trying to save it.","LOUISE: Oh cool hat.","PARIS: Put that down. It's used.","LOUISE: Vintage dear.","PARIS: Filthy darling.","MADELINE: There's this great store under my therapist office who has the best vintage clothes. I found an original Pucci top for practically nothing.","LOUISE: Oh Pucci is very big right now.","MADELINE: Is this a Pucci? [holding up a shirt]","RORY: No, that's a patty.","LOUISE: A patty?","RORY: Miss Patty. She's a dance teacher here. These are some of her old costumes.","LOUISE: Oh here Paris. Tristin might like this [holds up a pink sequence dress]","PARIS: Can we just work please?","LOUISE: Ugh. I would love to have a boyfriend that looked like Tristin.","MADELINE: Your boyfriend's no slouch either.","RORY: No he's not.","LOUISE: Oh yes - 6'2... and fiesty. So how's that going? Are you two still \u0091Joanie loves Chachi'?","RORY: God, I hope not.","MADELINE: You are still together aren't you?","RORY: Yeah, we're still together.","LOUISE: How long has it been?","RORY: I don't know.","MADELINE: You do too.","RORY: About a month.","LOUISE: Oh, lifers.","PARIS: Hey!","MADELINE: Jeez.","PARIS: We have a debate to organize here and this conversation is quickly veering towards the subject of french kissing and glitter eye shadow - trashy or trendy? And I for one have no intention of being humiliated in front of the whole class because we were forced to study in the middle of a carnival and you two couldn't keep your eye on the prize! I want to win and I'm going to win.","LOUISE: So how good of a kisser is Paul Bunyan anyway? [Louise, Madeline and Rory giggle.]","[Pan to Lorelai's room]","SOOKIE: Ok, does anyone in town have a peg leg?","LORELAI: Uh...no.","SOOKIE: Hem these.","LORELAI: So tell me more about this Rachel?","SOOKIE: Why are you so curious?","LORELAI: Well because apparently everybody in town knows everything about it and I don't like to be out of the loop.","SOOKIE: It's old news.","LORELAI: Yes but I'm fascinated. I mean, I go to Luke's once a day, sometimes twice - three times if Michel has talked to one of his relatives and his accent has gotten thicker. I feel I should know the whole story. What happened? Where'd she go?","SOOKIE: Well, Rachel liked to move around a lot. She was very adventurous person. She loved to climb things and fling herself off of cliffs and dive into these really tiny lakes and ride big wild horses and fly planes.","LORELAI: So she was wonder woman.","SOOKIE: She was to Luke. I thought they were going to get married.","LORELAI: What happened?","SOOKIE: The rumour is that Starts Hollow was too small for her. She wanted to live somewhere more exciting.","LORELAI: But Luke didn't.","SOOKIE: Mm. You know Luke. He lived here all his life. He wouldn't even go away for college. I think we're going to bury him in that diner.","LORELAI: Wow. It's sad.","SOOKIE: Yeah. Ok, well I am done here. I'm gonna stop by the inn for a while and then I am gonna go home and I'm gonna change for the show tonight.","LORELAI: We leave at 6.","SOOKIE: I will be here, bye","[Pan to living room]","PARIS: We'll need the actual quotes so learn them by heart.","MADELINE: What about using note cards.","PARIS: Note cards look sloppy. We will know our information.","MADELINE: But the other teams will use note cards.","PARIS: And the other team will lose.","SOOKIE: Bye girls, Rory, see you tonight!","RORY: Bye Sookie.","LORELAI: What's tonight?","RORY: We've got tickets to see the Bangles at the Pastorella theatre.","MADELINE: In New York?","RORY: Yeah.","LOUISE: Sounds potentially not boring.","RORY: It's gonna be great actually and the seats are amazing.","MADELINE: Who are you going with?","RORY: My mom and Sookie.","LOUISE: You're kidding?","RORY: What?","LOUISE: You're going to a concert with your mom?","RORY: Yeah.","MADELINE: I cannot imagine doing anything like that with my mom.","RORY: Actually we do stuff like this all the time.","MADELINE: Really?","RORY: Yeah.","MADELINE: Wow.","LOUISE: Hey, how old is your mom anyways?","RORY: 32.","MADELINE: Young.","LOUISE: So that means she had you when she was...","PARIS: 16. She had her when she was 16. We've done the math, can we just \u0091ooh' and \u0091aah' about this quickly and get back to work?","LOUISE: 16. I'm 16.","MADELINE: So am I.","PARIS: We're all 16 ok. Everybody in this room is 16.","RORY: Paris is right. We should work.","PARIS: Thank you.","LOUISE: I can't imaging having a baby at 16.","PARIS: Well then keep your knees shut.","LOUISE: Very nice.","MADELINE: Do you think your mom is sorry she got pregnant so young?","PARIS: Of course she is.","RORY: Why thank you.","PARIS: I didn't meant that. I just meant that...","RORY: I mean, I don't think she would recommend it but I think she's happy with how things turned out.","LORELAI: I am?","RORY: Yes you are.","LORELAI: Ok, just checking. Hey, I'm starving, is it pizza time yet?","RORY: Are you guys hungry?","MADELINE: I am.","PARIS: I can't eat dairy.","LORELAI: Ok, one with cheese, one without. Cokes?","RORY: Yes please.","MADELINE: Me too.","PARIS: We're never going to finish.","LOUISE: I find your mother completely fascinating.","RORY: Funny - so does she.","LOUISE: It's almost more like having a big sister.","MADELINE: And you like her don't you?","RORY: She's my best friend.","LOUISE: Truly, completely fascinating.","LORELAI: [from the kitchen] Rory come in here a sec!","RORY: I'll be right back.","[Pan to kitchen]","LORELAI: Hey, how's it going in there?","RORY: Truly, completely fascinating.","LORELAI: Really?","RORY: Well we've basically gotten no work down at all. Paris is having a meltdown, which by the way is always fun.","LORELAI: Sounds it.","RORY: And, I don't know, we've just been talking.","LORELAI: Well, I think you're actually making some friends here.","RORY: Let's not get ahead of ourselves. They've basically just moved off the plan to dump the pig's blood on me at the prom, that's all.","LORELAI: Talking, chatting, no work being done - there's friend potential going on.","RORY: Maybe - with Louise and Madeline at least.","LORELAI: Two out or three formerly psychotic enemies - not bad. There [handing Rory a plate]- pop-tart appetizers to tide you over till the pizza comes.","RORY: Thanks [turns to leave]","LORELAI: Hey, I have kind of a crazy idea.","RORY: Those are never comforting words coming from you.","LORELAI: Just consider this ok?","RORY: Ok.","LORELAI: Now, we have four tickets to the show tonight.","RORY: Yes we do.","LORELAI: What if I give them to you? You take them.","RORY: What are you talking about?","LORELAI: Well, it just seems like you guys have kind of a bonding thing going on in there, it might be fun.","RORY: But what about you?","LORELAI: No, no you and I have already bonded. In fact, if we bond any further, we will be permanently fused together.","RORY: You've been talking about this concert since you heard about it.","LORELAI: I can still go.","RORY: How?","LORELAI: Sookie and I can buy cheap seats when we get there.","RORY: These tickets are 9th row aisle - dream seats.","LORELAI: Look, you don't have to do this, but I just think you have three years of Chilton ahead of you and it might be nice to have some friendly type people to talk to there. And I don't know, you guys seem to be getting along, it might be good. And I totally don't mind, I just want to see the show, I don't care from what seat.","RORY: Are you sure?","LORELAI: Completely sure.","RORY: Because I -","LORELAI: Oh ladies! [taking plate and going into the living room] Hey what are you guys doing tonight?","MADELINE: Why?","LORELAI: Well we have these really great tickets to see the Bangles at the Pastorella theater and Rory thought you might like to come along.","MADELINE: Are you serious?","LOUISE: No way.","RORY: Yeah - I mean if you guys want to.","MADELINE: I would love to go.","LOUISE: Count me in.","RORY: Paris, what about you?","PARIS: I can't.","LOUISE: Yes you can.","PARIS: No, I can't.","LOUISE: Because you're busy doing what?","PARIS: I have homework.","MADELINE: She'll be there.","RORY: Good.","LORELAI: Great.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CUT TO NY","[In the theater. Sookie squeals]","RORY: He made it [Louise and Madeline look at bracelet Dean made for her]","MADELINE: Oh he's handy. How great.","LOUISE: And you wear it all the time right?","LORELAI: Just when she's breathing.","SOOKIE: It's a love thing.","RORY: Thanks for the contributions.","LORELAI: Ok here [offers tickets but pulls them back] Ah! With these tickets you are about to enter sacred space, you will be treading on hallowed ground, you will be walking like and Egyptian.","RORY: Mom.","LORELAI: Take'em. Oh you're going to have a great time. The Bangles are the best! They were my favorite band in high school. I almost named you Susanna. The day I found out you had no musical talent at all was the saddest day of my life.","RORY: I'm sorry.","LORELAI: Well you say that now. Here, ok, these are probably located - Hi! [to usher]","USHER: Hi.","LORELAI: Can you tell me where these seats are?","USHER: Uh, those are right in here.","LORELAI: Oh good, girls...ok, here's the deal. Take the tickets, go to your seats, have the night of a lifetime - Bangle it up. The second the concert is over, meet us outside in front of the theater got it?","RORY: Yes.","LORELAI: Good! Now go!","RORY: Thank you.","LORELAI: You're welcome. [to Sookie] Ok, let's go make our noses bleed.","SOOKIE: After you.","PARIS: Which aisle is it?","LOUISE: We're almost there.","MADELINE: I have never sat this close to a stage before. In fact, I've never even really been to a concert before so I could be sitting at the back and say the same thing.","LOUISE: In here.","MADELINE: Oh good.","RORY: Wow, these are amazing seats.","LOUISE: [checking out the cute guys in the row behind them] Yes they are.","RORY: [to Paris] What are they looking at?","PARIS: One guess. [Rory looks behind them at the guys]","GUY: Check it out, we've got fans [seeing Rory]","PARIS: Was I right? [as Rory turns back]","RORY: You were right.","PARIS: And before it's dark, they'll have every picnic basket that's in Jelly Stone park.","[Pan to Sookie and Lorelai climbing stairs]","SOOKIE: Did you ever see Everest?","LORELAI: No.","SOOKIE: It's a good movie.","LORELAI: We must be getting close, we're running out of rows.","SOOKIE: And 1,000. Ok, we're here.","LORELAI: Great. Ok, this is fine [sitting]","SOOKIE: Not bad at all. [Lorelai starts to laugh] What? What? What is so funny?","LORELAI: [laughing] These are the worst seats in the entire world!","SOOKIE: They are, aren't they?","LORELAI: Oh my God, it's so funny. [to guy next to her] Don't you think this is funny?","GUY: You know, I don't.","LORELAI: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.","SOOKIE: Ooh, they're starting. Do you have a lighter?","LORELAI: [laughing] You mean a flame thrower? [to guy] Do you get it? A flame thrower because it's so far.","ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen - The Bangles!","[Bangles play. Pan to later during the concert, Rory and Paris are watching the concert and Louise and Madeline are flirting with the guys in the row behind them. Pan to Lorelai and Sookie]","LORELAI: Hey, was Rachel pretty?","SOOKIE: What?","LORELAI: I'm just curious, was she pretty?","SOOKIE: She was pretty.","LORELAI: Like, what kind of pretty?","SOOKIE: What do you mean \u0091what kind of pretty'?","LORELAI: I mean, like was she a Catherine Zeta-Jones kind of pretty or a Michelle Pfiffer-y pretty or -","SOOKIE: She was an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty.","LORELAI: Really.","SOOKIE: Yup.","LORELAI: That's an intense kind of pretty.","SOOKIE: You're not kidding.","LORELAI: I never pictured Luke with an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty.","SOOKIE: No? Pictured him more with a Lorelai Gilmore kind of pretty?","LORELAI: Oh, the air up here must be very thin because you're delirious.","SOOKIE: And you're jealous.","LORELAI: What?","SOOKIE: You're jealous of Rachel.","LORELAI: You're accusing me of being jealous of a woman who dumped a man I'm not even interested in five years ago?","SOOKIE: Yes.","LORELAI: And you don't think that's crazy?","SOOKIE: Oh I do think that's crazy?","LORELAI: Right, I'm not jealous.","SOOKIE: Yeah you are.","[Lorelai scoffs. Pan to girls]","LOUISE: Oh my God! He is so gorgeous.","RORY: I guess.","LOUISE: Listen, there's a massive party going on right around the corner.","RORY: So?","LOUISE: So they invited us.","RORY: Who?","LOUISE: Jess and Sean, we've been talking to them this whole time, they're extremely cool.","MADELINE: Are we going?","RORY: Going where?","MADELINE: To the party?","RORY: There's a concert going on.","LOUISE: The band won't miss us.","RORY: We can't just leave Louise.","LOUISE: It's America Rory.","RORY: We have to meet my mom after the show.","LOUISE: Oh come on.","RORY: What do you mean \u0091Oh come on'. We have to meet my mother after the concert. The band may not miss us but Lorelai sure will.","MADELINE: These guys are so cute.","RORY: Oh that's great but we're not going anywhere.","LOUISE: What are you afraid?","RORY: Of going out into a strange city with two guys I don't know? Yeah.","MADELINE: Rory please!","RORY: No!","LOUISE: Well we're going.","RORY: No you're not.","LOUISE: Paris, join please?","PARIS: No, thanks.","LOUISE: Fine, come on Madeline.","RORY: And just what am I supposed to tell my mother?","LOUISE: That you're a very good little girl. [gets up and leaves]","RORY: Louise.","MADELINE: The party's in a building on the corner of Waverly and First. Try to get away. [leaves]","RORY: Madeline.","MADELINE: We'll be back by the time the concert's over.","PARIS: You know, I really like this band.","[Pan to later. Rory and Paris waiting]","PARIS: Well?","RORY: I couldn't find Mom or Sookie anywhere.","PARIS: So what do we do now?","RORY: I guess we just wait here for them to find us.","PARIS: Ok.","RORY: I can't believe Louise and Madeline would just leave like that.","PARIS: They've done it before.","RORY: Nice.","PARIS: Yeah, well.","RORY: Can I ask you a question?","PARIS: Maybe.","RORY: What could you possibly see in Tristin?","PARIS: You wouldn't understand.","RORY: Is it just that he's cute?","PARIS: Partly.","RORY: Cause there are a lot of cute guys in the world.","PARIS: Not like Tristin.","RORY: He's just such a jerk.","PARIS: He's not always a jerk.","RORY: No?","PARIS: No.","RORY: Ok. When is not a jerk?","PARIS: I've known Tristin a really long time ok? We've been in the same class since kindergarten.","RORY: Really?","PARIS: Yes...and he has things in his life that are hard. His parents - not so great. We have that in common.","RORY: Ok.","PARIS: He kissed me once.","RORY: He did?","PARIS: In the 6th grade - on a dare.","RORY: How romantic.","PARIS: You just don't know him like I do ok?","RORY: Ok, I believe you. I just - I think maybe you could do better.","PARIS: I know he's flirting with me to get to you, but at least he's flirting with me.","LORELAI: Hey.","RORY: There you are.","LORELAI: Think fast [throws them a t-shirt each] T-shirts for all the girls because I'm the good witch of the - hey, aren't you missing a couple of kids?","RORY: They left.","LORELAI: Excuse me?","RORY: Madeline and Louise met these guys and they -","LORELAI: What guys?","RORY: I don't know, they were sitting behind us and they were having a party.","LORELAI: Unbelievable!","SOOKIE: What's going on?","LORELAI: They left.","SOOKIE: What?","LORELAI: Let's go, come on, move.","CUT TO APARTMENT BUILDING","LORELAI: I leave the house with four girls, I'm coming home with four girls. [knocks on a door] Hi, I'm looking for a couple of college boys, who might live here or have friends who live here.","WOMAN: I don't talk to anyone. People annoy me. [closes door]","LORELAI: [coming up to Sookie listening at a door] What?","SOOKIE: She found him with the blonde again.","PARIS: She's gonna knock on every door in the entire building isn't she?","RORY: Yep.","PARIS: Wow.","LORELAI: [knocks] Hello? Is anyone home?","SOOKIE: [knocks] Hello? [dog barks] Aah! Let's go follow your mother.","PARIS: I wonder if I was missing if my mom would come looking for me like that.","RORY: Paris, you know she would.","PARIS: Yeah, or at least she'd send somebody.","[Lorelai knocks on another door. There's music playing]","SOOKIE: Music.","LORELAI: Let's go. [knocks. Guy answers]","RORY: Mom, that's one of the guys.","GUY: Yeah?","LORELAI: Thanks. Hi, could you move please? [enters]","GUY: What?","LORELAI: Hey, did you miss me?","LOUISE: Lorelai.","LORELAI: Ms. Gilmore. Put the cups down, let's move.","GUY: Is there a problem?","LORELAI: Yeah, see those two idiots over there? They're 16 - underage and I bet you're not. I also bet those big fancy party cups aren't holding lemonade. You really want to end any further conversations with me so step aside Skippy. Move your asses outside - now! [they leave apart.] Hey. I am not even going to begin to tell you how completely insane it is to take off with anyone you don't know, or drink things that you don't know what's in them, or act like you have a clue when you don't, but so help me God if you ever pull a stunt like this again, it will not be around my kid! Do you understand me?","LOUISE: Yes.","MADELINE: Yes.","LORELAI: Good, now let's go. I can't wait to meet your parents. We have some catching up to do. I think we'll just talk and talk and talk all night long.","PARIS: You know what? I think this is the best night I've ever had.","CUT TO RUMMAGE SALE","LANE: I cannot believe I missed it.","RORY: The concert was amazing.","LANE: Forget about the concert. I wanted to see Lorelai pull those idiots out of that guy's apartment.","RORY: It definitely was a Kodak moment.","LORELAI: Hey.","RORY: Hey.","LORELAI: Hey, you didn't wake me up.","RORY: I set the clock.","LORELAI: Yes, but see the clock stops ringing once I throw it against the wall giving me ample time to fall back to sleep, you however never stop yapping no matter how hard I throw you, thus ensuring the wake up process.","LANE: I'm gonna get a soda, anybody want anything?","RORY: Gum.","LORELAI: Yes, the night of my 14th birthday back so I can right the green-hot-pant-roller-disco outfit wrong.","LANE: Coming right up.","LORELAI: Bye. So, talked to anybody today?","RORY: You mean Madeline or Louise or Paris?","LORELAI: Yes.","RORY: No.","LORELAI: Right.","RORY: Though I bet school tomorrow will be really interesting.","LORELAI: Oh yes - stories of Rory's Bangle's - obsessed mother ripping open apartment doors, scaring the pointy haired boys.","RORY: Totally uncool, man.","LORELAI: I had to do it Rory, they could've gotten hurt.","RORY: I know.","LORELAI: God, I thought inviting those girls out would make things easier for you at school.","RORY: Yeah, well I've always thought \u0091easy' is completely overrated.","LORELAI: Oh, that's my twisted girl.","RORY: Plus Paris decided to let me split the debate time with her.","LORELAI: Wow! [pause] Wait, why am I wowing?","RORY: Because splitting debate time with Paris is like doing that whole \u0091spitting in your palm and shaking hands' friendship oath thing.","LORELAI: But way less gross?","RORY: Yeah.","LORELAI: Oh, good, I'm glad then. Oh, uh, I'll be right back.","RORY: Ok.","LORELAI: [coming up to Luke] Hey.","LUKE: Oh, hey.","LORELAI: Find anything good?","LUKE: Oh yeah, I got some refrigerator magnets shaped like sushi for a nickel, so basically I scored.","LORELAI: Oh good.","LUKE: Hey, look, about that thing that happened the other day -","LORELAI: Oh forget it.","LUKE: I was a jerk, I didn't mean it.","LORELAI: I know - really","LUKE: Yeah well, I am sorry.","LORELAI: I wanted to give this back to you [offering Rachel's sweatshirt]","LUKE: Oh no, you bought it.","LORELAI: I know but it's yours and I didn't know.","LUKE: You didn't know?","LORELAI: About the former owner.","LUKE: Oh.","LORELAI: If I had, I wouldn't have flaunted it in front of you like that.","LUKE: Hey, it's not a big deal, I was having a bad day, that's it. Now I got magnetic sushi and all is right with the world.","LORELAI: Ok good. So here. It obvious","ly means something to you.","LUKE: But you have to let things go eventually right?","LORELAI: Yeah, but sometimes you need a little something to remind you. I mean you wouldn't want to forget everything would you?","LUKE: No there was some stuff that I definitely would not want to forget.","LORELAI: Well here, so you don't forget.","LUKE: Thanks, can I pay you for it?","LORELAI: In coffee, absolutely.","LUKE: Alright. I'm not pining you know -","LORELAI: I know","LUKE: Just remembering.","LORELAI: Got it.","LUKE: Remembering is not pining.","LORELAI: You're absolutely right.","LUKE: It's just like a memento, like restaurant matches.","LORELAI: I can see the resemblance.","LUKE: Ok, well good.","LORELAI: Bye Luke.","LUKE: Bye."],"Show Title":"Gilmore Girls","Episode Number":"01x13","Episode Title":"Concert Interruptus","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Gilmore_Girls_02x18.json","Recap":["Rory asks Richard for help in creating and marketing a first-aid kit for Chilton's annual Business Fair, which leads him to realize that he is unhappy in retirement and wants to start a second career; fresh from having underbid on Rory's lunch basket and the loss of the bracelet he made for her, Dean goes overboard in trying to be close to Rory, afraid that she is losing interest in him, and finally becomes resigned to her affection for Jess; at first, Michel is ecstatic when his flamboyant mother Giselle visits, but after Lorelai causes problems for him when she reveals to Giselle that Michel has been holding back from his mother, Michel quickly is driven crazy by his mother's incessant questioning."],"Transcript":["2.18 - Back in the Saddle Again","OPEN AT ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE","[Lorelai, Rory and Emily are sitting at the table staring at the food.]","LORELAI: Mom.","EMILY: No.","LORELAI: We're starving.","EMILY: We're waiting for your father.","LORELAI: It's gonna get cold.","EMILY: We are waiting for your father.","LORELAI: We've been waiting forever.","EMILY: We have not been waiting forever.","LORELAI: Forever. Godot was just here. He said \u0091I ain't waiting for Richard,' grabbed a roll, and left. It's been forever.","EMILY: When we gather as a family, we eat as a family. We don't eat in shifts \u0096 you know that and Richard certainly knows that.","RORY: When did he get that antique car anyhow?","EMILY: A couple of horrible weeks ago.","LORELAI: What happened to the oil painting hobby of his?","EMILY: Ah, you know your father. When he couldn't foresee rivaling Cezanne, he lost interest so he bought that car. Lorelai!","[Lorelai spits out the piece of candy she was about to eat]","LORELAI: Mom, it's not dinner, it's just my private stash.","EMILY: It's eating and we're not eating.","LORELAI: You know, you're bound by the rules of the Geneva Convention, Mother, just like everyone else. Hey, no one told me it was casual Friday.","RICHARD: Hello everyone. You haven't started?","EMILY: Of course we haven't started, we were waiting for you. I thought you were almost done.","RICHARD: Well, I was but this car has a mind of its own. As I turned to leave it began spraying some sort of green solution at me.","RORY: Yuck.","RICHARD: Yuck, indeed. Well, go on, start.","LORELAI: Ooh!","RICHARD: No sense in waiting for me.","LORELAI: Coolness!","EMILY: Stop!","LORELAI: Gomer said!","EMILY: We are waiting for you, Richard. In thirty\u0096five years, I have never ever started a dinner without you unless you were out of town or seriously ill. Elsa, take everything away and keep it warm! Now please go upstairs and get ready so we can all enjoy a nice family dinner. . .together.","RICHARD: I'll be right back.","LORELAI: Right back, Dad, like right back. In fact, change on the way upstairs. And make it a Navy shower \u0096 quick soap, quick rinse and no excessive posing! Hungry.","CUT TO LUKE'S DINER","[Rory and Lorelai walk through the door]","LORELAI: Hey there. Anywhere?","LUKE: Anywhere you want.","LORELAI: Could you move please?","CUSTOMER: What?","LUKE: Anywhere where there's not people.","LORELAI: Oh, well, like I'm a mind reader. I was just joking. Hmm, that's funny.","RORY: What?","LORELAI: Something's different here, something's changed.","RORY: Impossible.","LORELAI: No, I swear, there's something.","RORY: You know, I'd be very disappointed if something changed in here.","LORELAI: Why are you so anti-change?","RORY: Because most change sucks.","LORELAI: That's true, it does. Uh! The chalkboard!","RORY: What about it?","LORELAI: Luke's special omelet. That is brand new.","RORY: A new special? His four-slice French toast has been up there since I was born!","LORELAI: You just gotta let that go, baby.","LUKE: What can I get you?","LORELAI: You have a new special.","LUKE: I sure do.","LORELAI: Nice. What is the special omelet?","LUKE: You won't like it.","LORELAI: How do you know?","LUKE: Because you've been eating here for years and I know what you like, and you won't like it.","LORELAI: Can I at least hear what it is?","LUKE: Fine. It's three eggs with bits of bacon.","LORELAI: I like bacon.","LUKE: Cubed tomatoes.","LORELAI: Sounds good.","LUKE: Swiss cheese and a dash of oregano.","LORELAI: A dash, he says.","LUKE: I've got other customers here.","LORELAI: I'm gonna go with the special omelet.","LUKE: Okay.","LORELAI: With a side of bacon.","LUKE: There's bacon in the omelet.","LORELAI: Oh, then skip the bacon.","LUKE: The side of bacon?","LORELAI: The bacon in the omelet.","LUKE: Hold the bacon.","LORELAI: Can I get Jack cheese?","LUKE: On the side?","LORELAI: Instead of Swiss, Swiss is so stringy.","LUKE: Fine, Jack cheese.","LORELAI: Also, I think I'm allergic to oregano so hold that, too, and some coffee.","LUKE: So, just the eggs, tomatoes, and Jack cheese.","LORELAI: Not too many tomatoes.","LUKE: Light on the tomatoes.","LORELAI: Very light, just a teeny-tiny amount, practically none.","LUKE: I'm skipping the tomatoes. It's an omelet with Jack cheese.","LORELAI: Perfect.","LUKE: You did this on purpose.","LORELAI: Did what?","RORY: French toast for me. That was cruel.","LORELAI: I know. Look how hard he worked on that sign and everything. Look at the handwriting, it's so precise, so determined. It's focused-Luke.","RORY: That's Jess' handwriting.","LORELAI: Really? How do you know Jess' writing?","RORY: Oh, well, I lent him a book and he wrote some stuff in it.","LORELAI: He vandalized one of your books?","RORY: No, he didn't vandalize it. He wrote in the margins, thoughts and stuff.","LORELAI: Like what, like play basketball, eat a sandwich \u0096 stuff like that?","RORY: No, stuff, like margin stuff. People like Mark Twain wrote in margins.","LORELAI: Pilot a steamboat, write Huckleberry Finn?","RORY: Forget it.","LORELAI: No, no, I'm sure margin writing is very common. Oh, hey, you didn't tell me Dean was joining us.","RORY: Dean?","LORELAI: Hey.","DEAN: Hi.","RORY: What are you doing here?","DEAN: I just dropped by to say hello.","RORY: How'd you know we were here?","DEAN: \u0091Cause you're always here.","RORY: We're not always here.","LORELAI: Uh, do you wanna eat with us, Dean?","DEAN: Rory?","RORY: Huh?","DEAN: Is that okay?","RORY: Yes. Oh, yes, you don't have to ask.","LORELAI: Hey, we're three.","LUKE: I did the math. You gonna eat something?","DEAN: Sure, yeah, I'll take the special omelet, I guess.","LUKE: You put him up to this?","LORELAI: No, I did not!","LUKE: Sure. You don't even know what's in it.","DEAN: I'm not picky.","LUKE: So you'll send it back after I make it?","DEAN: No.","LUKE: Right. I'll come back when I've got time for this.","DEAN: What was that all about?","LORELAI: I think it was a little something in your attitude, mister.","CUT TO CHILTON CLASSROOM","[The students are sitting in several separate groups around the classroom]","RORY: So is everything in the materials clear to everyone?","CHIP: Pretty much.","LOUISE: Oh, were we reading these now?","RORY: Yeah, that's why we've all been kind of quiet for the past ten minutes.","LOUISE: I thought it was, like, prayer time or something.","PARIS: Good grief.","MADELINE: I'm still reading mine.","PARIS: What?","MADELINE: I read slow so I don't miss anything.","PARIS: It's not the Bhagavad Gita, Madeline. It's simple instructions for the business fair.","LOUISE: Someone's not taking to Elba too kindly.","PARIS: What does that mean?","LOUISE: Just that Rory's the leader of this group, Napoleon, and you're not.","PARIS: Excuse me, leader? You wanna lead here, you've got anarchy.","RORY: I'm just enjoying the show.","BRAD: Hi, I think this is my group.","RORY: Brad, hey.","BRAD: Oh, you remember me.","RORY: Of course I do.","BRAD: Cool.","RORY: So you're back at Chilton now?","BRAD: Oh, yeah. My psychiatrist convinced my parents that I should face my fears instead of running away from them and my rabbi agreed, so here I am.","RORY: Well, nice to have you back. Take a seat.","BRAD: Paris. Her name is Paris, right?","RORY: Brad, let me catch you up here. There's going to be an intra-school business fair in three weeks. Each group has to come up with a consumer product that's geared toward high school kids.","BRAD: Neat.","RORY: So we pick our product and we make a prototype of it, then we use our imaginary million dollar budget to mass produce, market, and distribute it, and we'll present all of this at the fair.","BRAD: Cool.","PARIS: Hey Brad? Your festive interjections are a real kick in the pants, but we're low on time, so can it.","RORY: That's it. In two days we're going to reconvene and pitch product ideas.","LOUISE: Class dismissed?","PARIS: Whoa whoa whoa, we haven't even discussed business advisors.","RORY: Right. We're supposed to get a parent who's in business to advise us. Anyone score?","CHIP: My dad's got scheduling conflicts up the wazoo.","RORY: No for Chip.","PARIS: My dad's in Hong Kong for the month but he can video-conference in if need be.","RORY: No for Paris.","MADELINE: My dad's traveling.","LOUISE: My dad's in court for the next six weeks.","RORY: Lawyer?","LOUISE: Defendant.","RORY: We won't pry.","LOUISE: I have no idea what he's up on anyway.","RORY: And no one's mom works?","MADELINE: Working moms are so nineties.","BRAD: My mom works. She's a curator at the Hartford Natural Museum.","PARIS: We need experienced business advisors, Brad \u0096 not someone who poses animal carcasses.","MADELINE: What about your mom?","RORY: My mom?","PARIS: Yeah, that's right. She runs a hotel.","RORY: It's just an inn, a small inn.","MADELINE: It's still a business.","CHIP: She must keep books and stuff, right?","RORY: Yeah, but they're really small books.","PARIS: Look, it's not perfect but it's a better option than Brad's mom, the buffalo stuffer.","BRAD: She doesn't stuff the animals. That's taxidermy.","PARIS: Who is this rabbi that encouraged you to come back here? Give me his address, I'm gonna go over there and pop him one.","RORY: Okay, hold it. Now, I don't think my mom is right for this.","PARIS: Well, she's all we've got so you need to do whatever it takes to make it happen, otherwise maybe you shouldn't be the group leader.","LOUISE: A coup d'\u00e9tat, how exciting.","RORY: There's no coup d'\u00e9tat. I'll ask her.","PARIS: Good.","CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN","[Sookie is stirring a bowl of meringue as Lorelai walks in with a box]","SOOKIE: Thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two. . .","LORELAI: Sookie, look!","SOOKIE: Thirty-three, thirty-four, thirty-five, can't look, I'm making meringue, thirty-seven, fine science.","LORELAI: You got a package!","SOOKIE: Thirty-nine, gotta count, forty, can't over-whip.","LORELAI: I think it's your wedding invitations!","SOOKIE: Whoooooo! Gimme it! Ohh, I wanna see them! Oh, you're gonna love these. They're pearly white with this beautiful lavender stripe - . . .","LORELAI: Aw.","SOOKIE: I'm gonna choke somebody by the neck until brains ooze out of their ears.","LORELAI: What, they're beautiful.","SOOKIE: The name, look at the name.","LORELAI: The marriage of his daughter. . .","BOTH: Susie St. James.","SOOKIE: Who is Susie St. James?","LORELAI: I think it's you.","SOOKIE: What am I gonna do?","LORELAI: It can be changed.","SOOKIE: No, and these have to go out in a week.","LORELAI: We're calling right now.","SOOKIE: I am so not a Susie.","MICHEL: Good morning, beautiful morning.","SOOKIE: It sucks from where I'm sitting.","MICHEL: Heartbreak. Lorelai, do you remember I have tomorrow afternoon off?","LORELAI: I remember, big plans?","MICHEL: Yes, my mother is coming to visit.","LORELAI: [on phone] Hello, yes, customer service please, thanks. [To Michel] Sorry.","MICHEL: About what?","LORELAI: You said your mother's coming for a visit.","MICHEL: But I'm excited, I never get to see her.","LORELAI: Oh, I must be projecting. Your mother's coming for a visit!","MICHEL: She's coming down for three days.","LORELAI: Is she staying here?","MICHEL: No. She stays with me, of course.","LORELAI: In your tiny place?","MICHEL: Oh, she's fine with it. I mean, we stay up all night gabbing and watching movies. We have a ball.","LORELAI: Wow, I can't wait to meet her. [on phone] Oh, hello. Yes, we have a problem with some wedding invitations we ordered. Okay. [to Sookie] They're transferring me.","SOOKIE: I heard that.","LORELAI: He's really happy about his mother coming to visit.","SOOKIE: I heard that, too.","LORELAI: Totally foreign to me. [on phone] Hi. Oh great, I'm gonna pass you over to my friend who has a problem with some merchandise she ordered. Hold on one sec. [to Sookie] Listen to me, I've had a lot of experience dealing with people who have screwed something up. You have a better chance of getting them to help you if you don't get all hysterical.","SOOKIE: Okay.","LORELAI: Okay.","SOOKIE: [on phone] How dare you do this to me! You're ruining my wedding! It's the most important day of my life! It's my life, it's not Susie St. James, are you listening to me?","LORELAI: Good girl.","SOOKIE: You better be listening to me! Do you \u0096 look, no, you be quiet, listen!","CUT TO LOBBY","[Lorelai walks out of the kitchen as Rory walks into the inn]","RORY: Hey.","LORELAI: Oh, hi. Thought you couldn't get here \u0091til later.","RORY: Our Franklin meeting didn't go as long as I thought it would.","LORELAI: Well, lucky for me, more work for you. Here, chronological order, please. So how was your day?","RORY: I got an A on my physics test.","LORELAI: Aw.","RORY: And I finished Candide and I convinced a boy that Paris would probably never attack his rabbi.","LORELAI: So uneventful, huh?","RORY: Pretty much. Mom, um, I know you're probably not gonna wanna do this.","LORELAI: Yes, I will. . .unless it's something that I don't wanna do.","RORY: Do you wanna be the parent advisor on my economics project?","LORELAI: Ooh, Rory, gosh.","RORY: I'm kind of in a spot.","LORELAI: No one else can do it?","RORY: Nope.","LORELAI: You checked?","RORY: Yes.","LORELAI: You double checked?","RORY: Yes.","LORELAI: And no one else can do it so you came slumming after me and I'm your last choice?","RORY: Of course.","LORELAI: I appreciate that.","RORY: I'm totally stuck.","LORELAI: Well, if you're stuck, I'll do it.","RORY: Thanks.","LORELAI: But \u0096 ooh, hey, what about your grandfather, retired business titan?","RORY: What about him?","LORELAI: He'd be perfect.","RORY: But this is a business project and the word business has been kind of taboo in that house since he left the firm. Asking him might remind him of that and upset him.","LORELAI: Or he'll be thrilled that you thought of him.","RORY: Hm, you're not just saying that because you don't wanna do it?","LORELAI: No, I really think he would enjoy helping you. You would be doing me a big favor \u0091cause then I wouldn't have to feel guilty about being so reluctant to help you out myself.","RORY: All right, I'll give it a shot.","LORELAI: Good girl.","RORY: Would you really have felt guilty?","LORELAI: No, but I would've felt guilty about not feeling guilty and you can see how that could just go on forever.","RORY: Miss Gilmore and the vicious circle.","LORELAI: Mm hmm.","CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE","[Richard is outside working on his antique car as Rory walks up to him]","RORY: Hey Grandpa.","RICHARD: Rory, this is a surprise.","RORY: I was just in the area and I thought I'd pay a call.","RICHARD: Well, how very continental of you. I would hug you, but I have various forms of viscous fluid on my clothing.","RORY: I'll take a rain check.","RICHARD: Very good.","RORY: How's she running?","RICHARD: Ah, she's a bit, oh, obstinate today.","RORY: Well, girls can get that way.","RICHARD: Mm, indeed. So you were in the neighborhood?","RORY: Yeah, and I actually have a little favor to ask you, if it's okay.","RICHARD: Oh, ask away.","RORY: Okay. There's this project at school and, uh, it's for my economics class.","RICHARD: Good subject, pragmatic.","RORY: Yeah, and we have to come up with a consumer product, all make believe, and there's sort of a contest at the end and we sort of need an advisor.","RICHARD: An advisor?","RORY: Yeah, someone who's experienced in business who can come to a few meetings, make suggestions. I mean, I totally understand if you can't do it, but I just thought I would ask.","RICHARD: Well, I'm not sure how much help I could be. I've never actually created a consumer product.","RORY: That's okay, we kids haven't either.","RICHARD: Yes, I suppose you haven't.","RORY: If you can't do it or if you don't wanna do it, I totally understand.","RICHARD: Well, things are a little bit hectic right now.","RORY: Oh, yeah, I know.","RICHARD: And it is short notice, after all.","RORY: Very short, very short. Um, you know what, forget I even asked.","EMILY: Rory, I didn't know you were here!","RORY: Hi Grandma.","EMILY: You didn't hug your grandfather, did you?","RORY: I took a rain check. Well, I better go.","EMILY: But you just got here. We have cookies, would you like cookies?","RORY: No, thank you. Mom's expecting me at the inn. And Grandpa, really, don't worry about it. I just thought I would ask.","RICHARD: I'm fine, Rory. Thank you for asking.","RORY: Bye. [leaves]","EMILY: Ask what, what did she ask?","RICHARD: Oh, something for her economics class. It's nothing really.","EMILY: That doesn't sound like nothing. What about her economics class? Is she having trouble?","RICHARD: No, Emily. She merely asked me to participate in some, uh, project at school and I respectfully declined.","EMILY: You declined?","RICHARD: Leave it, Emily.","EMILY: Why did you decline?","RICHARD: Let's talk about it later, Emily. I'm busy.","EMILY: Busy? You've been poking around that stupid engine for the last three weeks and all it does is spray at you. You're not too busy.","RICHARD: Emily, I am in the middle of something here and I don't expect you to understand it.","EMILY: You're not going to help her?","RICHARD: Can we talk about this later?","EMILY: Well, I never thought I'd see the day.","RICHARD: What day?","EMILY: The day Richard Gilmore would disappoint his granddaughter like this.","RICHARD: Oh, Emily, please.","EMILY: So, tell me Richard, is this how it's going to be from now on?","RICHARD: What are you talking about?","EMILY: I just want to know what to expect from you. Because the bouncing from one thing to another, the moping and silence in your den for days, all of that I accepted. . .but your turning your back on Rory!","RICHARD: I did not turn my back on her.","EMILY: You adore that little girl, she means everything to you, remember?","RICHARD: Emily!","EMILY: Are you that lost? I'm incredibly disappointed in you Richard!","CUT TO SIDEWALK","[Rory and Lane are walking down the street]","LANE: Sales!","RORY: Lane.","LANE: Sales!","RORY: It's just a stupid test.","LANE: Lane Kim, you have shown a genuine aptitude for sales.","RORY: It doesn't mean anything.","LANE: Hello ma'am, I see you're eyeing the Whip-o-Matic, nice choice! This baby's right off the truck, and let me tell you, if you're looking for something to fulfill all your whipping needs, you've come to the right place because as Devo says \u0096 if a problem comes along you must whip it, as long as you whip it with a Whip-o-Matic!","RORY: Wow, you are good.","LANE: Stop it.","RORY: I'll take two.","LANE: I don't wanna be in sales!","RORY: You don't have to be.","LANE: I wanna do something cool.","RORY: Sell refrigerators.","LANE: You are not funny.","RORY: Look, you are taking this aptitude test way too seriously.","LANE: It's the fourth time I've taken it and it's the fourth time it's come up sales.","RORY: Lane, in ten years, we will be having lunch in Paris and we will not be discussing whether or not you made your quota.","LANE: Right, so I'm gonna be a sucky salesman?","RORY: Changing subject now.","DEAN: Hey.","RORY: Oh, hey.","DEAN: How are ya, Lane?","LANE: Only as good as my last sale, Dean.","RORY: Ignore her, she's lost her mind.","DEAN: Got it. So, uh, what are you doing?","RORY: We're going over to Sissy's to buy some shoes.","LANE: And pick up a job application.","RORY: You will now face the wall quietly please.","DEAN: Well, after you're done shoe shopping, come by my softball game.","RORY: Oh, well \u0096 .","DEAN: You haven't been to a game in awhile.","RORY: I know, but \u0096 .","DEAN: You said you missed seeing them.","RORY: I do, but I thought we were getting together tonight.","DEAN: We are.","RORY: Well, then I should really get my philosophy homework out of the way.","DEAN: Do it at the game.","RORY: My homework?","DEAN: Yeah.","RORY: But if I'm doing my homework, doesn't that defeat the point of going to see you play?","DEAN: You can't glance up in between nihilistic theories?","RORY: I can, but what's the point?","DEAN: What?","RORY: Why don't I do my homework at home and I will go see you play next week.","DEAN: Well, I \u0096 .","RORY: I promise I'll be there.","DEAN: Okay, sure.","RORY: Great, so, tonight?","DEAN: Yeah, I'll be by at seven.","RORY: Okay. So, have a good game. Do that pointing to the outfield thing, that's always very popular.","DEAN: I will. Bye Lane.","LANE: Come again soon.","CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN","[At the front desk, Michel is giving Lorelai some papers to sign.]","MICHEL: Here and here.","LORELAI: What \u0096 .","MICHEL: Cleaning supply order. Here.","LORELAI: That's the \u0096 .","MICHEL: Staff insurance forms. Initial here, date it here.","LORELAI: And I just \u0096 .","MICHEL: You just okayed the vaccination of all those filthy ducks in the south pond.","LORELAI: Oh, aren't I nice.","MICHEL: Yes, a regular Dr. Dolittle.","[Michel's mother walks into the inn]","GISELLE: Uh! Michel!","MICHEL: Zeelee!","GISELLE: Ah! Mon dieu, you are gorgeous! Come, come! Embrassez maman!","MICHEL: Maman, j'aime ton visite. What are you doing here? I was going to pick you up at the airport, you wicked creature.","GISELLE: I had to come early. I wanted to buy presents before I see you since I know you are a materialistic vulture. All right, back up. Turn turn turn. Thank God I have the perfect son. If you had been ugly, I don't know what I would've done.","MICHEL: Boarding school?","GISELLE: In Switzerland.","MICHEL: Come. Lorelai, this is my mother, Giselle.","LORELAI: Well, it's very nice to meet you.","GISELLE: Oh my God, those eyes. Are they real?","LORELAI: Yes, they are.","GISELLE: Well, then, if there's a God, he is terribly cruel to bestow those eyes and that face to one person.","LORELAI: I'm sorry, can you be my mom, too?","MICHEL: I'm going to show her around, okay?","LORELAI: Yeah, make sure you see Sookie.","MICHEL: Why?","LORELAI: Sookie wants to meet your mom.","GISELLE: Yes, Michel, I must meet your friends. I did not raise you to be rude.","MICHEL: You did, too.","GISELLE: I did, didn't I? Come, show me off.","MICHEL: Oh, have you been using those free weights I sent you?","GISELLE: Yes, they hold down my papers beautifully.","MICHEL: A lazy, silly woman.","GISELLE: A cruel and vicious boy, I'm so proud.","CUT TO CHILTON","[Rory and Richard walk down the hall toward a classroom]","RORY: I really appreciate you doing this, Grandpa.","RICHARD: Oh, well, of course.","RORY: I mean, I know you weren't really thrilled with the idea.","RICHARD: No, no, no, no, that's not true.","RORY: But I told everybody to have their idea pitches prepared so that we can get you in and out of there as quickly as possible.","RICHARD: Rory, this is an assignment. We will give it the time that it requires.","RORY: Okay.","RICHARD: However, efficient is always best.","RORY: I totally understand.","[they walk into the classroom]","RORY: Hey. Everyone, this is my grandfather, Richard Gilmore. This is Louise, Madeline, Paris, Brad, and Chip.","RICHARD: Nice to meet you all.","RORY: So, do you wanna say a few words before we start?","RICHARD: Uh, oh, no no no, I'm here to advise. I'll uh. . .I'll sit back here and observe and advise, uh, if necessary.","RORY: Okay. So I guess we can start with the idea pitches. Who wants to go first?","LOUISE: I will.","RORY: Okay, Louise has the floor.","LOUISE: I couldn't find my new lip gloss this morning. I had just bought it and it's the perfect shade of pink. Plus, it has this major shine with minor stickiness, meaning no fear of your hair attaching itself to your face when the wind kicks up.","MADELINE: A coup.","LOUISE: I know. So, of course, fifteen minutes later, tardy and glossless, I left the house and I had to rely on Madeline for my source of lip color for the day. Not an ideal solution.","MADELINE: Major skin tone mismatch.","PARIS: I'm sorry, group leader, could you ask the Pigeon sisters if there is a point to this opus?","RORY: Louise, what's your idea?","LOUISE: A lipstick Lo-Jack.","RORY: Excuse me?","LOUISE: A lipstick tracking device. You attach it to a tube and you hook it up to a remote and next time you're searching, you just point and shoot.","MADELINE: I'd buy one.","RORY: Okay, um, Louise, that's a very interesting idea, but I think we should think of something that appeals to both boys and girls. Anyone else?","MADELINE: Okay, I've got one \u0096 a locker robot. It would talk and tell you facts, help you with your homework, carry your stuff. And you could fit it in your locker until you're ready to go home.","RORY: Okay, but that means that we would actually have to build a robot.","MADELINE: Yes, we would.","RORY: Who knows how to do that?","MADELINE: I don't know. He looks like he should know.","BRAD: I've never built a robot.","LOUISE: But you've tried, haven't you?","BRAD: Yes, I have.","RORY: Okay, let's just try to keep the ideas down to things that we can actually accomplish. And I guess Paris is next.","PARIS: The average teenager spends seven hours a day at school. Seven hours where he or she is busy walking from class to class \u0096 indoors, outdoors, in all types of weather. At the same time, that same teenager is going through major physical changes within his or her own body. The combo of the action with the environment in addition to the hormonal imbalance can only lead to one thing \u0096 accidents.","MADELINE: What are you talking about?","PARIS: Monday morning, Muffin wakes up and looks in the mirror. \u0091Oh no, I have a zit on my face. I'll just look down when I walk so hunky football player won't notice.' And bam \u0096 Muffin smacks right into the cafeteria wall. Ouch, that's gotta hurt.","MADELINE: Who's Muffin?","PARIS: This is why I'm proposing manufacturing something that no teenager should be without \u0096 a first aid kit.","LOUISE: A first aid kit?","PARIS: Specially designed to fit in a locker with minimum space disruption. Bandaids, antiseptic, cotton balls, q-tips, ace bandages, aspirin.","RORY: I don't know, it's possible. Does anyone have any questions about it?","RICHARD: They sell these things in every drug store, do they not?","PARIS: Yes, they do.","RICHARD: There's also a registered nurse on every campus. Her office would contain the products that you're talking about, correct?","PARIS: Possibly.","RICHARD: Well, what makes you think you can get a young person to spend good money on something that they could get for free, or at least at a lower cost?","PARIS: Because I know one thing about the modern teenager.","RICHARD: And what is that?","PARIS: That you can get them to buy anything as long as it comes in a leopard print.","LOUISE: True.","MADELINE: Very true.","PARIS: We get them with style. We dress up the kits with sparkles, colors, pictures of bands. Sport themes for the boys, animal pictures for the puppy and unicorn bunch, chess boards for the Bobby Fischer freaks \u0096 a style for every taste. Plus, we use neon bandaids, pink or blue gauze for the bandages, anything that seems young or flashy or bright.","RICHARD: And that is how you intend to set the business world on its ear?","PARIS: That's right.","RICHARD: Tricked out first aid kits?","PARIS: For the locker.","RICHARD: And you really think that's going to work?","PARIS: Yes, I do.","RICHARD: So do I.","PARIS: Really?","RICHARD: It's perfect. It's simple, it's easy to produce, the possibilities are endless. I love it.","RORY: Well, I think we've got our product.","RICHARD: Now, we need to go through this point by point.","PARIS: Okay, let's do it.","RICHARD: Now, the secret to a great campaign is a great idea. Now, we've got that, let's move on to finances. Um, uh, do any of you have dinner plans, because we're gonna be here for awhile. Let's all turn to page four. Here we go. Now, the January projections. . .","CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE","[Lorelai is sitting on the couch reading as Rory walks through the front door. The phone is ringing]","LORELAI: Agh!","RORY: Hey.","LORELAI: Gah!","RORY: Mom! [answers phone] Hello? [hangs up] That ringing is not in your head, you know.","LORELAI: Uh, you've gotta read this Motley Crue book. I swear, you get to the point where Ozzy Osbourne snorts a row of ants and you think, it cannot get any grosser, and then you turn the page and oh, hello, yes it can! It's excellent!","RORY: Why didn't you answer the phone?","LORELAI: Because I firmly believe that once you've experienced something five thousand times, you need to move on.","RORY: What are you talking about?","LORELAI: I knew who it was.","RORY: Who was it?","LORELAI: The same person who's called the machine so many times now that I actually heard it sigh.","RORY: Dean?","LORELAI: Dean the determined.","RORY: Oh man.","[phone rings]","LORELAI: Five bucks says I know who that is.","RORY: [answers phone] Hello?","RICHARD: Rory, it's your grandfather.","RORY: Oh, hey Grandpa.","LORELAI: He did that on purpose.","RICHARD: I'd like to discuss tomorrow's meeting.","RORY: Okay.","RICHARD: I was thinking that we should relocate.","RORY: Midtown?","RICHARD: Here.","RORY: Your house?","RICHARD: It'll be more comfortable with infinitely better snacks.","RORY: Yeah, that sounds great.","RICHARD: Wonderful. I'll call the group.","RORY: Okay, well, then I guess I'll see you tomorrow.","RICHARD: Tomorrow.","RORY: Bye. [hangs up]","LORELAI: What'd he want?","RORY: He wanted to move the location of our meeting to his house tomorrow and to cost you five bucks.","LORELAI: So that's going well, huh, Grandpa doing that thing with you at school?","RORY: Yeah, I think he's having fun with it.","LORELAI: See? Did your brilliant mother call it or what?","RORY: Yes, she did.","LORELAI: You're damn lucky to have that magnificent woman in your life, you know that, don't you?","RORY: It's whispered in my ear every night when I'm about to go to sleep.","LORELAI: Well, you won't let me write it in your underwear anymore. Hey, check the machine so I can erase the messages.","RORY: Oh, right.","LORELAI: Agh!","DEAN: [on answering machine] Hey, it's me. Uh, it's four o'clock, call me when you got home. [beep] Hey, uh, it's four thirty. I'm home, call me. [beep] It's quarter to five \u0096 where are you? I'll try paging you. [beep] It's five-thirty. Did you get my page? Call with the answer.","RORY: They are not all from him.","DEAN: [on answering machine] Hey, I totally forgot you were getting home at six.","LORELAI: And yet, oddly, even after remembering that information. . .","DEAN: [on answering machine] Hey, it's five forty-five and I just thought I'd see if you got home early.","LORELAI: I swear, that boy would make a good drinking game.","RORY: This is crazy. Ten messages?","LORELAI: Plus the four that I took from him personally before I stopped answering the phone.","RORY: Right.","LORELAI: Honey, you gotta ease up on that love potion you've been giving him or he's gonna start showing up at David Letterman's house soon.","RORY: Ugh.","LORELAI: What's the matter?","RORY: Fourteen messages.","LORELAI: Yeah, so, it's a little \u0096 .","RORY: It's a little too much.","LORELAI: So, what's up? Are you guys fighting or something?","RORY: What are you talking about?","LORELAI: I mean, did something happen to set off the phone craze?","RORY: No, everything's been fine, everything's been calm. No more incidents, I don't get it.","LORELAI: Well, if I had to guess, I would say he's feeling a little insecure about something.","RORY: But why?","LORELAI: Rory.","RORY: But I spend every free moment with him, I call him, I page him.","LORELAI: I know, you've been good.","RORY: And nothing seems to be enough, nothing seems to make things normal again.","LORELAI: Give it some time.","RORY: I just want things to be the way they were.","LORELAI: Oh, honey, relationships are hard. Sometimes you go through a weird patch and things get funky for a little while, but just give it a chance. Ride it out, things will calm down again.","RORY: I hope so. I'm gonna erase the messages.","CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN","[Lorelai is at the front desk as Michel and his mother walk into the inn laughing]","GISELLE: Oh, stop it, stop making me laugh! You are trying to kill me! You are trying to make your mother laugh herself to death so you can get away with a grisly crime.","MICHEL: Your mind is evil.","GISELLE: Your soul is empty.","MICHEL: You want some coffee, Zeelee?","GISELLE: Yes, darling, thank you.","MICHEL: I'll be right back.","GISELLE: Ah, hello, blue eyes.","LORELAI: Hi Giselle. How was lunch?","GISELLE: Ah, champagne, caviar, the usual.","LORELAI: Ah, sure.","GISELLE: And then came out the pasta with terrible things in it. It was perfect.","LORELAI: You seem to be having a wonderful time.","GISELLE: I am. I will miss him so much when I go home, but thank goodness, he will have an extra five pounds to remember me by after eating all my pasta today, that dirty thieving boy.","LORELAI: Michel ate pasta?","GISELLE: Well, yes. Michel loves pasta, he eats it all the time.","LORELAI: Not around us. Here it's all no-carb, low-cal, let me see if I can eat less than the lab rats do.","GISELLE: Lab rats?","LORELAI: Better not explained. Anyway, I'm glad you've got him eating pasta, he seems really happy.","MICHEL: Coffee, coffee, coffee.","GISELLE: Oh, mm, mm. This is horrible.","MICHEL: You will drink it and you will like it.","GISELLE: You are a curse.","MICHEL: Let's go shop.","GISELLE: Oh yes, let's go buy something completely useless and pay way too much money for it.","MICHEL: I love it.","GISELLE: Au revoir.","MICHEL: Au revoir.","LORELAI: That is so wrong.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE","[Rory, Louise, Madeline, Brad and Chip walk to the front door]","RORY: We should've waited for Paris.","LOUISE: Hey, she's the one who threw a fit about leaving no later than 3:10.","RORY: But she could be standing outside the school right now waiting for us.","MADELINE: She has my cell number.","LOUISE: I thought you lost your phone.","MADELINE: I did. Oh.","RORY: We'll call her when we get inside. [rings doorbell]","BRAD: Tell her I wanted to wait, okay?","[Paris answers the door]","RORY: Paris.","PARIS: Hey, you're right on time. Come on in.","RORY: Uh, okay.","RICHARD: In the dining room, everyone.","RORY: Wow.","RICHARD: Welcome, everyone, to the first official board meeting of the StyleAid Corporation. Will everyone please take a seat?","CHIP: I feel like Ivan Bosky.","RICHARD: Rory, you are group leader which translates into chairman of the board, which means you sit at the head of the table.","RORY: But that's where you sit.","RICHARD: No, not today. Come on. Now, at this point, I would like to turn the meeting over to Paris who will bring us up to date on our latest developments.","PARIS: Thank you, Richard. First, let me say that I'm glad to see you all here today, at the beginning of what I think is going to be a very exciting experiment.","BRAD: She doesn't have a baseball bat in her hands, does she?","PARIS: Now, I'd like everyone to turn to page one in your presentation booklets. Hey, we haven't gotten to the pencil part yet.","BRAD: Oh, sorry.","PARIS: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the RX-2002.","LOUISE: Nice.","RORY: Very nice.","PARIS: Now, listed in front of you are all the contents contained in the RX-2002, plus the additional style options, twelve in all. Every one of them waterproof, fireproof, and comes with a five-year warranty.","RICHARD: Which is longer than most of your high school careers.","PARIS: He is funny.","RICHARD: Now there is also a deluxe model with extra features designed to personalize your kit even more specifically for your needs. There will be a snap-in CD case which can hold up to ten CDs, there's a lighted vanity mirror, and a divided compartment for makeup and knickknacks. A picture frame and a hidden mini vault for valuables which can be locked for safety.","PARIS: Terrific idea, Richard, really \u0096 top notch.","RICHARD: Thank you, Paris.","RORY: This is really amazing. I want one of these.","RICHARD: Exactly the point. Now, let's check in with our marketing department. Uh, Madeline, Louise \u0096 what have you got for us?","MADELINE: Okay, well, first we go for the obvious \u0096 magazines.","LOUISE: You know, Teen, Young Miss, Seventeen.","MADELINE: Spin and Rolling Stone, especially to hit the guys.","RICHARD: I hear that Jane magazine also has a young, hip following.","RORY: How do you know about Jane magazine?","RICHARD: I have my ways, young lady.","CHIP: We should also check about placing them in certain mall stores.","RICHARD: I also think we should go straight to the source.","PARIS: The schools?","RICHARD: Why not? School bulletin boards, websites. We can set up tables at football games and pep rallies.","EMILY: Well, how is everyone doing here?","RICHARD: Just fine, Emily.","EMILY: Good. Is there enough food?","RICHARD: Yes, there is plenty of food.","EMILY: What about ice cream? Would anyone like some ice cream?","RICHARD: Emily, we're in the middle of a business meeting.","EMILY: Oh, ah, well, I'm very sorry. Uh, go back to your business meeting.","RICHARD: Now, I think your projections for. . .","EMILY: [to Rory] He's smiling.","RORY: I know.","EMILY: He's smiling and there's no oil on the carpet.","RORY: Life is good.","EMILY: Yes, it is.","RICHARD: Emily, please.","EMILY: I'm going, I'm going.","PARIS: Richard, do you have the third-year projections?","RICHARD: Well, yes, Paris, I do. I have them right here.","CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE","[Lorelai pulls up to the house. Dean is washing Rory's car.]","LORELAI: Dean.","DEAN: Hey.","LORELAI: Hey, how's it going?","DEAN: Uh, just washing Rory's car.","LORELAI: I can see that.","DEAN: Well, I mean, I came by to see her and she wasn't here, so I was just gonna wait on the porch but then I noticed that her car looked dirty, so I thought I'd wash it.","LORELAI: Mm hmm.","DEAN: Well, \u0091cause sometimes things can get on your car like dirt and certain kinds of sap. It can get into your paint, makes it really hard to get off.","LORELAI: Sure.","DEAN: Even water spots, you know. . .after it rains, that can be a real problem.","LORELAI: Okay. Would you like a soda?","DEAN: No, I'm fine.","LORELAI: Let's go get a soda.","DEAN: But I have to wash \u0096 .","LORELAI: Put the squirty water thing down and come on in the kitchen. Squirty thing down. . . that's it. . .come on.","CUT TO LORELAI'S KITCHEN","[Dean and Lorelai walk through the back door]","DEAN: Look, I really didn't mean to bother you. I can just wait outside until Rory gets home.","LORELAI: Honey, Rory's working on her school project today.","DEAN: Oh yeah. I guess I forgot. I mean, she must've told me that she . . . I'm sorry, I forgot.","LORELAI: That's okay.","DEAN: So, I'll just go.","LORELAI: No no, come here, just sit down for a sec, okay? Are you all right?","DEAN: Yeah, I'm fine. I just don't remember Rory telling me about her studying today. I swear I wouldn't have come over.","LORELAI: Can I maybe give you a little advice?","DEAN: Sure.","LORELAI: Okay. First, I just wanna tell you I think you are a great guy. You're so good to Rory. And even though I'd always hoped that she'd be the one girl in the world who wouldn't look at a boy until she was thirty-eight, I'm really glad she found you.","DEAN: Thanks.","LORELAI: And I know things have been a little off between you two lately.","DEAN: Did she say that?","LORELAI: No, I'm saying that. I can see it, and by the way, I get it. But sometimes when things are out of whack, it freaks us out a little and makes us feel like we're losing something that's really important and that scares us even more so we try really hard to hold onto whatever it is we think we're losing and sometimes we hold on a little too hard.","DEAN: Too hard?","LORELAI: Like calling ten times in a three hour period, too hard.","DEAN: Fourteen times.","LORELAI: Okay, now, see, I was gonna let you slide but hey \u0096 an honest man, I like that.","DEAN: You think I'm holding on too hard to Rory?","LORELAI: I don't think you mean to.","DEAN: You think I'm losing her?","LORELAI: I think you think you are.","DEAN: Well, I just feel like nothing I do is. . . you know, I just want things back the way they used to be.","LORELAI: I know you do, and they can be.","DEAN: How?","LORELAI: I know it sounds crazy but sometimes giving people a little bit of space is actually the best thing to do.","DEAN: Space?","LORELAI: Just a little.","DEAN: Like what? Like don't call her, don't see her?","LORELAI: No, just let her breathe, let her relax, let her come to you for a change.","DEAN: You're not telling me this to get rid of me, are you?","LORELAI: Please, if I was trying to get rid of you I would've started this conversation with, \u0091Let me tell you about my family'. I'm not telling you this to get rid of you, I'm telling you because I think it might help things between you guys. Just try it. If it doesn't work, I promise you can wash my car, too.","DEAN: Okay.","LORELAI: Do you want a soda?","DEAN: No, thanks. I'm gonna go. Uh, don't tell Rory I was here, okay?","LORELAI: Hey, I'm just sitting here at the table talking to myself. . .again.","DEAN: Thanks.","LORELAI: Bye Dean.","CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN","[Sookie is in the kitchen on the phone as Lorelai walks in]","SOOKIE: You know what, forget it! If that's how you run your business, then I deserve this for picking you in the first place. I hate you! [hangs up]","LORELAI: Hey.","SOOKIE: Okay, new plan for the invites. We're getting married May fifteenth, four o'clock, front lawn \u0096 pass it on.","LORELAI: Sookie.","SOOKIE: That's it, word of mouth. They used it for the Revolutionary War \u0096 who the hell am I to poopoo history, huh? I ask you.","[Michel enters the kitchen]","MICHEL: What the hell is wrong with you?","LORELAI: With me?","MICHEL: Yes, you! Are you out of your mind?","LORELAI: What are you talking about?","MICHEL: Why in God's name would you tell my mother that I do not eat carbs?","LORELAI: Because you don't.","MICHEL: That is private information, private about me.","LORELAI: Michel, everybody in Stars Hollow knows you don't eat carbs.","MICHEL: So what?","LORELAI: Calm down, have some toast.","MICHEL: Do not talk to my mother ever again, do you understand me?","LORELAI: No, I don't understand. Michel, you and your mother seem crazy about each other. I just assumed since you gave up carbs a year ago, she knew.","MICHEL: Yes, well, you know what happens when you assume.","LORELAI: What?","MICHEL: I don't know. Something about a donkey \u0096 it's a stupid American phrase.","LORELAI: I don't understand, Michel. You and your mother seem to have the perfect relationship.","MICHEL: Yes, because I tell her nothing. We keep all subjects light and fluffy. We talk about clothes and food and Posh Spice and David Beckham and that is all. Nothing of value, nothing of substance.","LORELAI: I'm sorry.","MICHEL: Now she knows I've been hiding something from her. Suddenly she's asking questions. Why did I leave France at eighteen? Where do I go at night? Who are my friends? What do they do? Where do they live? Why have I chosen this career? On and on and on and on \u0096 it never ends! I can't stand it, she's a complete pain. She won't stop. I took a six hour bath last night just to escape the incessant nagging. You did this to me! You turned my Giselle into a mother, and I hate you for it! I hate you very, very much! [leaves]","SOOKIE: So, feel better now?","LORELAI: Yeah, I do, thanks.","SOOKIE: Mm hmm.","CUT TO CHILTON BUSINESS FAIR","[All of the student's projects are displayed on tables throughout the auditorium]","PARIS: Okay, I swept the room and I have to tell you, all sad. I think we're a lock.","RORY: Really? I actually thought the locker alarm was pretty good.","PARIS: Please, no one even looks when a car alarm goes off. How effective do you think a locker alarm\u0091s going to be? Nope, I feel it, we are it. What's the word?","RICHARD: Every single idea in this room is completely worthless.","PARIS: Yes.","RICHARD: There's a lot of wasted cardboard in here, my friend.","PARIS: We are going to win.","RICHARD: Yes, we are.","RORY: Okay, the two of you need to take a time out.","HEADMASTER: Richard? Richard, hello.","RICHARD: Hanlin, good to see you.","HEADMASTER: What are you doing here?","RICHARD: Well, I'm actually advising Rory on her business project \u0096 the RX-2002.","HEADMASTER: Oh, well, that's wonderful. You look great.","RICHARD: I feel great.","HEADMASTER: We don't see you at the club that much anymore.","RICHARD: No, I've been very busy lately.","HEADMASTER: Now, did I hear correctly \u0096 did you retire?","RICHARD: Right before Christmas.","HEADMASTER: So it's true. I told it to Bitty and I couldn't believe it when we heard that.","RICHARD: Well, a man can't work forever.","HEADMASTER: No, that's true. I just can't picture you retired.","RICHARD: It's been wonderful lately. Best move I've ever made. It's given me a lot of time to do a lot of wonderful things.","HEADMASTER: Well, that does sound nice. What kinds of things are you doing?","RICHARD: Well, this.","HEADMASTER: Well, there you go. Unfortunately, some of us aren't living the good life quite yet. I've got to get back. It's been wonderful seeing you, Richard. Let's have dinner soon.","RICHARD: I would like that very much.","HEADMASTER: I'll have Bitty give Em a call.","RICHARD: You do that.","PARIS: Did you see the brilliant hose hook idea over at table five? A hook on your belt for your garden hose. There's a Buster Keaton routine waiting to happen.","RICHARD: So how are we doing?","RORY: Paris is practicing spiking the football then doing a backflip.","RICHARD: Well.","HEADMASTER: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, all the projects have now been reviewed.","PARIS: Here we go.","HEADMASTER: And before we announce the winner, I must commend everyone for their fine work. There are many, many good ideas here today. It makes me proud.","PARIS: Move it along, padre.","HEADMASTER: Now I'd like to announce the winner \u0096 table 10, Miss Traster's class with the locker alarm.","RICHARD: I don't understand, how is that possible?","PARIS: This is so lame. That alarm doesn't even work, I was just over there.","RICHARD: This is the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard.","RORY: Grandpa, it doesn't matter.","RICHARD: It certainly does matter. You've all put in an extraordinary amount of time and effort and thought into this project. It deserved to win.","PARIS: Yeah.","RORY: Well, I wanted to win too, but we didn't.","RICHARD: I'm going to talk to the headmaster about this.","RORY: I wish you wouldn't.","RICHARD: You were robbed, Rory, and I'm not going to sit back and simply watch it happen. [walks over to headmaster] Hanlin, good, I want a word with you.","HEADMASTER: Is something wrong?","RICHARD: This contest is a disgrace.","HEADMASTER: I beg your pardon?","RICHARD: I have been in the business world for thirty-five years.","HEADMASTER: I know this.","RICHARD: And in those thirty-five years, I've seen ideas come and I've seen ideas go, and I've learned a few things about what flies and what doesn't.","HEADMASTER: I'm sure you have.","RICHARD: I am telling you that out there in the real world, there is no way that a locker alarm that doesn't even work properly would be a viable business investment.","HEADMASTER: Richard, we're not in the real world, we are in a school.","RICHARD: Yes, a school that should be training children for the real world.","HEADMASTER: Richard, calm down.","RICHARD: I demand a recount.","HEADMASTER: Very well. I just recounted, the alarm still wins.","RICHARD: Hanlin!","HEADMASTER: Richard, your project was very good. It was definitely in the running. You should be proud.","RICHARD: This is not my project, this is their project, the children's project.","HEADMASTER: Really?","RICHARD: Yes! This has nothing to do with me, it's for the children!","HEADMASTER: But they're not the ones who are causing the public scene right now, you are.","CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE","[Lorelai and Rory pull up and walk to the front door]","RORY: It was awful. He looked so upset. His face was turning red and he was practically shaking.","LORELAI: Hey, did you notice when he gets mad he gets taller?","RORY: Mom.","LORELAI: I don't know how he does it but he actually grows.","RORY: Stop.","LORELAI: The day I told him I was pregnant, twenty-four feet tall. It freaked the birds.","RORY: Hey, I'm upset here.","LORELAI: Honey, you did nothing. You went to your grandfather, who you greatly admire and actually like hanging out with, to ask for his help and advice. That's lovely and thoughtful.","RORY: Please help me out tonight \u0096 no mention of work or Chilton or school or retirement.","LORELAI: Nothing but politics and religion, got it.","EMILY: [opens door] Hello girls.","LORELAI: Hi Mom.","RORY: Hi Grandma.","EMILY: Come in, come in. Dinner's almost ready. Richard, the girls are here. Richard? He came home today, didn't say a word, stomped off to his study, slammed the door, and he's been holed up in there ever since.","RORY: Really?","EMILY: I can't even get him to answer me.","LORELAI: Well, are you sure he's still in there?","EMILY: Of course he's still in there. The door's right there. I would've seen if he came out.","LORELAI: Sorry.","EMILY: Not everyone leaves this house by climbing out the window and jumping into a waiting hot rod.","RORY: Maybe someone should go talk to him.","EMILY: I don't know what to do. What on earth happened today?","RORY: Things didn't go very well at the business fair.","EMILY: What happened?","LORELAI: It was terrible \u0096 the tenth graders staged a hostile takeover of the eleventh graders.","RORY: Our project didn't win and Grandpa took it badly.","EMILY: Well, I am at my wit's end if that man is going to fall apart over a high school project.","LORELAI: It's just a weird time for him, Mom.","RORY: I feel so awful.","LORELAI: Maybe he should go talk to somebody.","EMILY: Like whom?","LORELAI: Like a psychiatrist?","EMILY: What?","LORELAI: Well, maybe it would help.","EMILY: We do not go to psychiatrists.","LORELAI: Mom, there's nothing wrong with getting help.","EMILY: Lorelai Gilmore, are you seriously suggesting that your father go to a complete stranger and talk about his personal life?","LORELAI: Lots of people swear by it.","EMILY: Yes, disturbed people, deviants, people with multiple personalities who see things and hear talking to them and roam the streets talking to themselves and licking parking meters.","LORELAI: Mom.","EMILY: Next thing you know, you'll be suggesting I go to a psychiatrist.","LORELAI: Too many comebacks \u0096 I cannot pick.","EMILY: Richard, is that you?","RICHARD: Of course it's me. Oh Rory, you're here, wonderful. Hello Lorelai.","LORELAI: Hey.","RICHARD: Well, I am starving. What's for dinner?","EMILY: What's for dinner? What do you mean, what's for dinner?","RICHARD: Well, I thought the question was relatively clear, but I'd be glad to rephrase it for you. Eh, what sort of food products will appear on various plates this evening?","EMILY: Richard Gilmore, you come home in a huff and you lock yourself in that study all afternoon. . .","RICHARD: Well, I had a lot of thinking to do, a lot of thinking. I owe that to you young lady.","RORY: I'm sorry.","RICHARD: You should certainly not be sorry.","EMILY: Richard, what \u0096 put that roll down and explain yourself!","RICHARD: This whole week, this whole experience with Rory and the locker first aid kit \u0096 that is a damn good idea, by the way, no matter what those yarnheads at that school of yours say. Anyway, this whole week made me realize something \u0096 I don't want to be retired.","EMILY: You what?","RICHARD: I don't like it. I hate it, as a matter of fact.","LORELAI: But Dad \u0096 .","RICHARD: It's boring. I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself. And frankly, I am tired of trying to find something to fill up my time.","RORY: So what are you going to do?","RICHARD: I am going to work.","EMILY: Are you thinking about asking for your job back?","RICHARD: Oh, God no! No no no no no no. I have decided to go into business for myself.","LORELAI: Wow.","EMILY: What?","RORY: Cool.","RICHARD: It is cool, isn't it?","EMILY: But what are you going to do?","RICHARD: Well, I'm not sure yet. Perhaps I'll consult, maybe take on a partner, maybe I'll even teach.","LORELAI: What?","RICHARD: Well, you don't have to say it like that.","LORELAI: Sorry. What?","RICHARD: I think thirty five years of experience will qualify me to teach a course or two at that local business college of yours.","LORELAI: Oh my God. It's Who's the Boss, the later years.","EMILY: Richard, are you serious about this?","RICHARD: As a heart attack.","EMILY: But, but \u0096 .","RICHARD: I haven't felt this good in a very long time, Emily. I have the buzz, and I owe it all to you.","RORY: Glad to be of service.","EMILY: He's going to teach.","LORELAI: Or consult.","EMILY: Or consult.","LORELAI: So licking a parking meter is just around the corner.","CUT TO INSIDE JEEP","[That night, Lorelai and Rory are driving home]","LORELAI: Okay, that dinner was good.","RORY: All of Grandma's dinners are good.","LORELAI: I know, but this one had the rolls.","RORY: Aw, those were excellent rolls.","LORELAI: Weren't they? Hot and buttery with that split top thing going on. I miss the rolls.","RORY: Well, she can make more next week.","LORELAI: That's okay. I got four in my purse.","RORY: You do not.","LORELAI: Go ahead and check.","RORY: Have you no shame?","LORELAI: Ha!","[Rory's pager goes off]","LORELAI: Ah, who's that?","RORY: It's Dean.","LORELAI: Really? How many pages does that make for today?","RORY: Just one.","LORELAI: You're kidding.","RORY: In two days.","LORELAI: Wow!","RORY: I know. He hasn't called or mysteriously appeared by my side or anything.","LORELAI: Hmm, maybe he's calming down.","RORY: I hope so. I actually got a chance to miss him today.","LORELAI: That sounds good.","RORY: It is good.","LORELAI: Do you wanna grab my cell phone and give him a call?","RORY: Oh, no, tomorrow's fine.","LORELAI: Are you sure? It's still early. You guys could hook up for a little while.","RORY: I'm hanging out with Lane tonight.","LORELAI: Lane?","RORY: Yeah, we have some serious CD listening to do. We're way behind on all the Elvis Costello reissues coming out.","LORELAI: I didn't think Lane could hang out past nine.","RORY: Her mom's at an antique fair in Woodbury until Sunday, and her grandmother's staying with her but she's asleep by six so we thought we'd be really bad and sneak out to Luke's.","LORELAI: You're going to Luke's?","RORY: Yeah, maybe.","LORELAI: Honey, why go to Luke's? Um, I mean, you just had ten rolls.","RORY: No, you had ten rolls, and I don't even know if we'll go to Luke's. It's just a maybe.","LORELAI: Okay, okay. Well, you guys have fun.","[they pull up to Lane's house and Rory gets out of the car]","RORY: Okay, see you later.","LORELAI: Sure you don't wanna call Dean?","RORY: Nope, tomorrow's fine.","LORELAI: Yeah, tomorrow's fine.","CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE","[Lorelai pulls up to the house and finds Dean sitting on her front porch]","LORELAI: Dean.","DEAN: She likes Jess, doesn't she?"],"Show Title":"Gilmore Girls","Episode Number":"02x18","Episode Title":"Back In The Saddle Again","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"destinyros2005"},{"File Name":"Gilmore_Girls_03x07.json","Recap":["Lorelai is determined to win the Stars Hollow Dance Marathon and wrest the trophy from four-time champion Kirk, but has trouble getting a partner until she finally convinces Rory to help her dance her way to victory. Dean sits on the sidelines to cheer his girl on, and is soon joined by Jess and Shane, who spend their time making out while Jess keeps his eye on Rory. Lorelai breaks her heel, and Dean takes her place while Luke plays shoe repairman. On the dance floor, Dean realizes that Rory is attracted to Jess and breaks up with her. Rory tearfully runs off, followed closely by Jess, and Kirk is declared the winner once again."],"Transcript":["3.07 - They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They?","OPEN IN STARS HOLLOW","[Signs and banners are displayed in the town square promoting the upcoming 24-hour dance marathon. Lorelai is in Luke's Diner, staring out the window at the people walking by]","LUKE: What about that one?","LORELAI: Hm, no.","LUKE: Why not?","LORELAI: Too pale.","LUKE: So what?","LORELAI: Pale means sickly.","LUKE: Or sunscreen.","LORELAI: Or Mad Cow Disease.","LUKE: Pale does not mean Mad Cow Disease.","LORELAI: Have you ever had Mad Cow Disease?","LUKE: Twice last week and my coloring was wonderful.","LORELAI: I need a great dance partner this year. Someone strong, non-clutzy, with lots of stamina. Ooh, how tall is that guy?","LUKE: Mrs. Coulter's about 6'2\".","LORELAI: Oh. Four years in a row, I have come this close to winning. Last year, I swear to God, I had it!","LUKE: I know the story.","LORELAI: It was hour twenty-three.","LUKE: I know the story.","LORELAI: I'm dancing with Henry Ho-Ho McAphie the third.","LUKE: How many people heard me say I know the story?","[several customers raise their hands]","LORELAI: And Ho-Ho's fading, so I'm trying to buck him up, saying \"Come on, Ho-Ho. Stay with me Ho-Ho,\" and then all of a sudden he starts yelling, \"Stop calling me Ho-Ho, it's making me hungry!\"","LUKE: Oh, hey, look, there goes Tommy Tune.","LORELAI: And out of nowhere, Kirk comes dancing by, waving a McDonald's hot apple pie in the air and of course Ho-Ho lunges for the pie and drops my hand and that was it. Kirk wins, I'm out. I'm gonna get that Ho-Ho someday.","LUKE: I'll help ya.","LORELAI: I wanna win.","LUKE: I know you do.","LORELAI: I need a partner.","LUKE: You'll get one. Keep looking.","LORELAI: Mm. [she stares up at him]","LUKE: Out there. [turns her head toward the window]","LORELAI: But, but, wait \u0096","LUKE: Pancakes, right? Coming right up.","[walks to another table as Taylor walks in]","TAYLOR: Breathe in deep, folks. Smells like fall.","LUKE: Get out, Taylor.","TAYLOR: Why?","LUKE: Just a code I live by.","TAYLOR: Oh. . .pffft. . .you. Listen, I'd like to run a little something by you.","LUKE: I'm busy, Taylor.","TAYLOR: I was just thinking how nice it would be if you could set up a little coffee stand at the marathon.","LUKE: Coffee stand.","TAYLOR: Yes. I mean, these people have to try and stay up for twenty-four hours. What better to help you stay up than a cup of nice strong cup of coffee, huh? What do you say?","LUKE: Sure.","TAYLOR: Really?","LUKE: For a buck a cup.","TAYLOR: Luke, this marathon is a charitable event.","LUKE: Taylor, we have been raising money to restore that stupid bridge for eight years.","TAYLOR: We're not raising money to restore the bridge.","LUKE: We're not?","TAYLOR: No, we have that money. The Tennessee Williams lookalike contest last month put us right over the top.","LUKE: Then what the hell is this dumb thing for?","TAYLOR: A tarp.","LUKE: A what?","TAYLOR: To cover the bridge.","LUKE: This is a first, Taylor. I actually need to sit down.","TAYLOR: Well, Luke, you know as well as I do that if we start renovations now, heading right into the snow and rainy part of the season, then everything we do is gonna get ruined, and there we are \u0096 back at square one. If we are gonna do this right, then we are going to need a tarp.","LUKE: Taylor, you are asking me to donate free coffee to hundreds of people so you can raise money to buy a tarp.","TAYLOR: How \u0091bout fifty cents a cup?","LUKE: How \u0091bout I charge for cream?","TAYLOR: You would kick Tiny Tim's crutch out from under him, wouldn't you?","LUKE: If he asks for a free cup of coffee, gimpy's going down.","[Taylor storms out of the diner as Luke walks over to Lorelai's table]","LORELAI: Oh, whoa \u0096 look at Taylor go. I wonder who he's dancing with.","[opening credits]","CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE","[Lorelai, Rory and Emily are eating dinner]","LORELAI: This is amazing chicken, Mom. I mean it, really great.","EMILY: Thank you, Lorelai.","LORELAI: It's like super chicken. I bet it could fly. Have you tried tossing it out the window?","EMILY: All right, what's going on?","LORELAI: What? I like the chicken.","EMILY: Nobody likes the chicken that much, Lorelai.","LORELAI: I'm in a good mood.","EMILY: Why?","LORELAI: My God, it's my ninth grade homecoming dance all over again.","RORY: Homecoming dance?","LORELAI: In ninth grade, I got asked to the homecoming dance and I didn't think I would, and I was in a really good mood, and Mom got so annoyed that she made me go to my room.","RORY: Grandma?","EMILY: She was sitting at the table giving all the peas voices.","LORELAI: With a little encouragement, I could've been the Senor Wences of the vegetable set.","EMILY: Lorelai.","LORELAI: Okay, okay, okay. It'll come out soon enough. Today, ladies and gentlemen, I found a dance partner.","RORY: You did?","LORELAI: A good one.","EMILY: What are you talking about, a dance partner? A dance partner for what?","LORELAI: Our town is having a dance marathon this weekend.","RORY: It lasts twenty-four hours and the last couple left standing gets a trophy.","LORELAI: A big trophy.","EMILY: Well, that sounds very nice.","RORY: All the proceeds go to charity.","LORELAI: Which is great \u0096 but did I mention the trophy?","RORY: I believe you did.","LORELAI: \u0091Cause it's big.","EMILY: Charitable events are wonderful things to take part in. There's nothing more rewarding than devoting yourself to making someone else's life better.","LORELAI: And whose life isn't better with a truly gigantic trophy around?","RORY: So who'd you get to dance with you?","LORELAI: Stanley Appleman.","RORY: Who's Stanley Appleman?","LORELAI: Oh, he's brand new in town. He works over at the hardware store, and the best part is, he used to be part of the touring company. . .of Riverdance.","RORY: Score!","LORELAI: I know! I'm completely jazzed. How \u0091bout you, Mr. Potato? I'm completely jazzed, too.","[a phone rings]","EMILY: What's that?","LORELAI: I think that's me.","EMILY: Lorelai, I've told you a hundred times to turn that thing off when you come to dinner here.","LORELAI: I know, Mom. I'm sorry.","EMILY: Can't you let it go to voice mail?","LORELAI: Well, see, I left Michel alone at the inn, and he's dealing with the roofers. I told him to call me if there was any trouble. [goes to answer the phone]","EMILY: Is that true?","RORY: I'm gonna let Mr. Potato field this one.","EMILY: I thought so.","[Lorelai answers the phone in the next room]","LORELAI: Hello? . . . What? . . . Oh, no no, no no, don't tell me that. . .Well, did you tell her how big the trophy is, because I am really not exaggerating here. . . How did your wife get a picture of me? Stanley, that is crazy! I don't wanna sleep with you. . . Did you tell her I don't wanna sleep with you? . . . Well, put her on the phone. I'll tell her I don't wanna sleep with you. . . Well, somebody has to tell her I don't wanna sleep with you. . . Why are you insulted all of a sudden? . . . Stanley? . . .","[Lorelai hangs up and walks back to the dining room]","LORELAI: Great.","RORY: What happened?","LORELAI: Stanley bailed.","RORY: No! Why?","LORELAI: Apparently, Miss Patty showed his wife a picture of me, and she thinks I look like Elizabeth Taylor, which makes her Debbie Reynolds, and Stanley Eddie Fisher.","RORY: That's crazy.","LORELAI: Especially if you've seen Stanley. He's no Eddie Fisher, trust me. Fisher Stevens, maybe.","RORY: Can't you talk to her?","LORELAI: Apparently, only at my own risk.","EMILY: Well, at least she thought you looked like Elizabeth Taylor. That was nice.","LORELAI: I have no partner.","RORY: You'll find another one.","EMILY: Elizabeth Taylor always did.","RORY: There's someone else out there, trust me.","LORELAI: I guess.","EMILY: Here. Have some more chicken.","LORELAI: Thanks, Mom.","EMILY: And if you'd like, later on, you can make my asparagus talk.","LORELAI: Well, maybe next week.","CUT TO CHILTON HALLWAY","[Rory and Paris are standing at Paris' locker. Louise and Madeline are behind them, each kissing a guy]","PARIS: Okay, so, let's talk about Saturday.","RORY: What about Saturday?","PARIS: I think we need to work. The seventy-fifth anniversary issue of the Franklin comes out next month and I want it to be amazing.","RORY: I've got some great cover art lined up.","PARIS: Old pictures, new pictures?","RORY: Collage style with kind of a sepia-toned finish to it. Very classy.","PARIS: Okay, I like it. Time!","[Louise and Madeline stop kissing the guys and say goodbye to them]","LOUISE: See ya.","MADELINE: Bye.","[the four girls start walking down the hall]","MADELINE: So, what were we talking about?","PARIS: Working Saturday on the seventy-fifth anniversary issue.","LOUISE: Thanks for asking.","MADELINE: But you guys already have some decent stuff planned out, right?","PARIS: Madeline -- or may I call you Spicoli?","MADELINE: If you have to.","PARIS: This is the seventy-fifth anniversary issue. There is only going to be one seventy-fifth anniversary issue ever, and it's on our watch. We screw this up and we basically mooned a piece of history. Is that what you want? To B.A. history?","MADELINE: But I don't understand. Last year was the seventy-fourth anniversary issue of the Franklin.","PARIS: So?","MADELINE: So there's only gonna be one seventy-fourth anniversary issue ever and we didn't do anything special for it.","LOUISE: I think the cover was of a deep-fried Mars bar.","PARIS: That's because nobody cares about the seventy-fourth anniversary issue.","MADELINE: I bet the person who worked on it seventy-four years ago did.","PARIS: We're working Saturday!","[Paris and Rory walk outside]","PARIS: \"Why are we working Saturday, Paris? What's so special about the seventy-fifth issue, Paris? Why does my head feel so light and yet not float away, Paris?\"","[Paris sees Jamie across the courtyard]","RORY: What?","PARIS: What's he doing here?","RORY: I bet he's here to see you.","PARIS: He hasn't called me once. I haven't seen or heard from him since we had our date in Washington three months ago.","RORY: Maybe he wants to explain why.","PARIS: He was supposed to go away and never come back. I already wrote his name in my revenge notebook.","RORY: Paris, he knows you're standing here talking about him.","PARIS: What does he want?","RORY: Go over there and find out.","[Paris walks over to Jamie]","PARIS: What do you want?","JAMIE: I'm on break from school, I thought I'd come down and see you.","PARIS: But you never called.","JAMIE: I know.","PARIS: You lost my number?","JAMIE: Nope, I memorized your number.","PARIS: You didn't wanna use my number?","JAMIE: I was starting classes.","PARIS: In phone dialing? How's it going?","JAMIE: Look, Paris, this year's very important for me. I thought the last thing I needed was a distraction.","PARIS: Well, I totally understand. This year's very important for me, too. I'm focusing on getting into Harvard, and the last thing that I need is a distraction. . . so, good move. You saved us both a lot of distractions. Thank you, and good luck. [they shake hands, but Jamie doesn't let go] I need my hand.","JAMIE: If I let go, how fast will you run away?","PARIS: 3.2 seconds.","JAMIE: I thought so. Hey Rory.","RORY: Hey Jamie. How's Princeton?","JAMIE: It's good. Crazy, but \u0096","PARIS: Let go.","JAMIE: No.","PARIS: Yes.","JAMIE: Paris.","PARIS: Look, you don't have to be nice, you don't have to tie up loose ends. I get it, I'm a distraction. Now either pull a Boxing Helena, or give me back my hand.","JAMIE: Yes, talking to you would've been a distraction.","PARIS: I know. I heard you already. My God, find a pirate to sit on, okay?","JAMIE: However, not talking to you has turned out to be impossible.","PARIS: What?","JAMIE: I flunked a pop quiz in poli-sci because I couldn't stop thinking about you. Still want your hand back?","PARIS: I've got another.","JAMIE: I've thought a lot about this, and apparently you're a distraction that I'm supposed to have.","PARIS: You didn't have a bad time on the date?","JAMIE: Are you busy right now?","PARIS: Well \u0096","RORY: No, we're done. She's free.","JAMIE: Good. Let's go get some coffee. Bye Rory.","RORY: Bye Jamie.","[Jamie takes Paris' books from her and walks away]","PARIS: He took my books.","RORY: Well, go get them back.","CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE","[Rory, Dean, and Lane are in the living room. Lane is on the phone]","RORY: Well?","LANE: Still ringing. [a moment later, she hangs up] He's home.","RORY: How'd he sound?","LANE: Homey.","RORY: Nice.","DEAN: I know this is a stupid question, but why can't you just talk to him?","LANE: Because yesterday he called to say that they were still looking for a rehearsal space and, uh, that he'd call when he had more news. So now I have to wait until he calls about the band \u0096 and in between, I call and hang up on him. Pathetic.","RORY: Not so pathetic. I used to hang up on Dean all the time.","DEAN: You did?","LANE: I remember that.","DEAN: When did you hang up on me?","RORY: Right when we first met.","DEAN: You should've just said something.","RORY: I couldn't do that.","DEAN: Why not?","RORY: Because then you would've known that I was calling and therefore that I liked you.","DEAN: Yes, but I liked you, too.","RORY: Well, I know that now.","DEAN: You could've known that then.","RORY: Dean, please. This is a girl thing.","DEAN: Uh, okay. Tell me when I'm supposed to pay attention again.","LANE: I'm gonna love him forever and he's never gonna know it.","DEAN: He would if you coughed.","RORY: Dean.","DEAN: Sorry.","LANE: At least he's at home and not out with a girl.","RORY: Very true.","DEAN: He could be home with a girl.","RORY: Dean.","DEAN: Sitting here, staring at my pizza.","LANE: You think he was at home with a girl?","RORY: No, no, I don't.","LANE: I'm gonna call again.","RORY: Good idea, and pay attention to the background noise this time.","[Lorelai walks through the front door]","LORELAI: Ooh, cool, pizza.","RORY: Shh. She's calling Dave to see if she can hear a girl in the background.","LORELAI: Oh.","DEAN: I voted that she actually say something.","LORELAI: You're a boy, you know nothing about this.","RORY: Well, what'd you hear?","LANE: Quadrophenia.","RORY: Classy, but not date-like.","LANE: You think?","RORY: Definitely.","DEAN: What if he met a girl who's a major Who fan?","LANE: What?","RORY: Why are you causing trouble?","LORELAI: Rory, can I talk to you in the kitchen?","RORY: Oh, sure. [to Dean] Be good.","[Rory and Lorelai leave the room; Lane sits next to Dean on the couch]","DEAN: Go ahead.","[Lane starts dialing the number again]","[cut to Lorelai and Rory in the kitchen]","RORY: Okay, so, what's on your mind?","LORELAI: I think I figured out who can be my dance partner for the marathon.","RORY: Great! Who?","[Lorelai stares at Rory]","RORY: Bye.","LORELAI: Come on!","RORY: Forget it.","LORELAI: Just hear me out. First of all, you love me.","RORY: Not right at this moment, I don't.","LORELAI: You know how much this contest means to me. You'd never fall asleep or chase a pie.","RORY: I do not dance.","LORELAI: It'll be fun. We'll get all dressed up, and you're light \u0096 easy to hold up when you get tired.","RORY: Mom.","LORELAI: Plus, we got the whole mother\/daughter gimmick going for us. The crowd'll eat that up.","RORY: I cannot dance with you.","LORELAI: Why not?","RORY: Because this is Dean's first marathon. We were gonna go and watch and hang out, he's totally looking forward to it. I told him about how Andrew gets in a fight with his date in the first fifteen minutes and storms off the floor. I told him about Taylor getting punch-drunk at hour fifteen and telling stories about how he always wanted to be a magician.","LORELAI: Rory, please.","RORY: And ooh, I told him about how when Kirk wins, he likes to take his victory lap around the floor to the theme from Rocky. I was gonna show him all those things, and I was gonna show them to him sitting down.","LORELAI: He can still come, and he can still see all those things, except if you dance, maybe that victory lap will be you and me instead of Kirk.","RORY: Okay, I'll tell you what. I was supposed to work on the Franklin this weekend with Paris.","LORELAI: But?","RORY: I will ask her if we can reschedule. If she says yes, then I will dance with you.","LORELAI: Oh, I love ya!","RORY: You should sell cars.","LORELAI: I should, shouldn't I? Hello, big fancy trophy.","CUT TO CHILTON CLASSROOM","[A teacher is addressing the class as Paris walks in late]","TEACHER: Take note of its form before treated. Make sure that your notes are completely legible since you will be turning them in with your result. Miss Gellar, hello.","PARIS: Sorry I'm late, Mrs. Savitt.","TEACHER: Is everything okay?","PARIS: Yes. I overslept.","TEACHER: You're kidding.","PARIS: No, it won't happen again.","TEACHER: Well, good. Okay, everyone, let's get to work.","[Rory walks up to Paris]","RORY: Paris, hi. Listen, I need to ask you something.","PARIS: Shoot.","RORY: Well, there's this big event that's happening in my town. . .","PARIS: Pig race?","RORY: Dance marathon.","PARIS: I was close.","RORY: It's on Saturday, and it's a twenty-four hour thing and my mother really wants to win, and her partner bailed on her and, long story short, I was wondering if there was anyway we could move this Saturday's Franklin thing to next Saturday.","PARIS: Okay.","MADELINE: What did she say?","LOUISE: I don't know. What did you say?","PARIS: I said yes.","LOUISE: She said yes.","MADELINE: She said yes.","LOUISE: [walks up to a guy] Are you free on Saturday?","GUY: Uh, no.","LOUISE: [to another guy] What about you? Come on \u0096 speak.","MADELINE: [from across the room] Louise, I got two over here!","PARIS: So, we're done, right?","RORY: You had a good time yesterday.","PARIS: What was yesterday?","RORY: Yesterday was the day that you were all freaked out about the seventy-fifth anniversary issue of the Franklin and today's the day you're not.","PARIS: Rory, just because I agreed to postpone a newspaper session does in no way imply \u0096","RORY: You can't even stop smiling.","PARIS: I can, too.","RORY: Tell me.","PARIS: Okay. Well, we went for coffee, and he talked about how he had a great time on our date, and how he finds me fascinating, and how he thought about me all the time. Okay, there, happy?","RORY: Wow, he likes you.","PARIS: I left an impression.","RORY: You sure did.","PARIS: I still don't understand why he'd wanna date me. He's surrounded by college girls all day long who must be prettier than I am, and more experienced than I am. I mean, I'm sure they're all idiots, but usually that's the last thing a guy thinks about when he's looking for a date for the big game.","RORY: Well, Jamie must be special.","PARIS: Or Ted Bundy.","RORY: Absolutely. It's either one or the other.","PARIS: Hey. Can you do me a favor?","RORY: Okay.","PARIS: Don't say anything to Madeline or Louise about this.","RORY: About Jamie?","PARIS: Yeah.","RORY: But they're your best friends.","PARIS: Theoretically, yes, but the second I mention a guy they're gonna both start singing the theme from the Trojan Man commercial, and I just can't take that, okay?","RORY: No one knows until you give the word.","PARIS: Thanks.","CUT TO OUTSIDE STARS HOLLOW","[The morning of the dance marathon, Lorelai and Rory are walking down the sidewalk toward the high school]","LORELAI: I have to say, for a couple of modern girls, we have time-warped with the best of them.","RORY: Mm.","LORELAI: How ya doing there, champ?","RORY: Early.","LORELAI: Yes, it's a tad early.","RORY: No sun.","LORELAI: Well, he's not up yet.","RORY: I can't even open my eyes.","LORELAI: That's okay, there's nothing to see. Kirk's in a Speedo, Taylor's in a skirt, Al's in assless chaps.","RORY: Oh my God, stop. I'm never gonna be able to close my eyes again.","[Babette is sitting at the sign-up table in front of Stars Hollow High]","LORELAI: Morning Babette.","BABETTE: Oh, morning sugar. You guys look terrific.","LORELAI: Thank you.","RORY: Babette, can I lay down on the table while Mom signs in?","BABETTE: Not an early bird, huh?","LORELAI: I need to get some coffee in her and we'll be fine. Kirk, however, is gonna be crying like a little teeny girl.","BABETTE: So what else is new? Okay, now you two go get your physicals, bring your release forms inside, and they'll get you a number.","LORELAI: Thanks. Come on, Snoozy.","[they start walking down the sidewalk toward Miss Patty's, and Sookie runs up behind them]","SOOKIE: Hey, wait up!","LORELAI: Oh, wow, look at you!","SOOKIE: Is it fabulous?","LORELAI: It is fabulous.","SOOKIE: Wait \u0091til you see Jackson's suit. It makes me want to ration sugar.","LORELAI: Where is Jackson?","SOOKIE: Oh, we already had our checkups, so he's going to sign us in and scope out a good spot on the floor.","LORELAI: Oh, it's so cool to be married. You have your own spot-scoper.","RORY: I'm gonna go say hi to Lane.","LORELAI: Okay, hon, hurry back. Remember, the sooner we get inspected, the sooner we get coffee.","RORY: Yeah, coffee. [walks into Miss Patty's]","SOOKIE: Okay, I have a problem.","LORELAI: Sookie, it's five-thirty in the morning. How can you already have a problem?","SOOKIE: Because I'm a multi-tasker.","LORELAI: Hit me.","SOOKIE: Last night, I made coq au vin for dinner, so of course the subject of children came up.","LORELAI: Of course.","SOOKIE: All of a sudden, completely out of the blue, Jackson announces he wants four in four.","LORELAI: He wants what?","SOOKIE: Four in four. Four kids in four years.","LORELAI: Good Lord!","SOOKIE: I know!","LORELAI: Well, who's he gonna have these kids with?","SOOKIE: Me, apparently.","LORELAI: What did you say?","SOOKIE: See, here's where, uh, the problem comes in.","LORELAI: What?","SOOKIE: I think I said yes.","LORELAI: How is that possible?","SOOKIE: Well, I was totally shocked when he announced it and I sort of said, \"O. . kay\" and . . but I think he took it as, \"Okay!\" So, apparently, now I have to get busy.","LORELAI: Do you want four in four?","SOOKIE: No. But, I mean, I want kids. You know I want kids.","LORELAI: I know you want kids.","SOOKIE: But I thought maybe one. Two if the first one is really quiet.","LORELAI: Well, honey, you have to tell Jackson that.","SOOKIE: I can't.","LORELAI: Sookie, this is not like the fruit bowl his mother gave you. You can't stick four kids in the attic and just pull them out at Christmas.","SOOKIE: I know, but Jackson and I have never had a real fight. We're still newlyweds. We still sneak out of bed in the morning to brush our teeth, then get back in bed and pretend we just woke up smelling like that.","LORELAI: You don't have much of a marriage if you can't talk about the important things.","SOOKIE: I know. Do you think I'm crazy to not want four in four?","LORELAI: Four kids is a lot, and four years without a cocktail . . .","SOOKIE: Wow, hadn't thought of that.","LORELAI: Glad to shed some much-needed perspective on the situation.","SOOKIE: We'll take care of this today.","CUT TO INSIDE MISS PATTY'S","[Rory is standing next to Lane, who is stirring a big bucket of something]","RORY: Are you sure you don't need some help?","LANE: Yeah, it's okay. I finally got a really good footing.","RORY: What is that stuff?","LANE: Eggless egg salad. Though this year my mom added food coloring to make the egg-like product look more eggy.","RORY: Smart.","LANE: And every sandwich comes with your own personal pamphlet \"Dancing for the Devil,\" an illustrated look at the effect of dancing on your chances of spending all eternity in hell.","RORY: Boy, her flames are getting really good.","LANE: Well, she just bought a new color printer. You can do a ton of stuff with it.","RORY: Cool.","[Mrs. Kim walks over carrying several bags]","MRS. KIM: Lane, get scooping! The minute air hits the bread, it starts to stale.","LANE: Okay, Mama.","RORY: I'm gonna stop by later and say hi.","LANE: Please do.","RORY: Bye, Mrs. Kim.","MRS. KIM: You have a pamphlet?","RORY: Yes, I do.","MRS. KIM: Take one to your mother.","[Across the studio, Lorelai is next in line for physicals as Rory walks over]","NURSE: Next.","LORELAI: Oh, good, just in time.","RORY: Sorry.","LORELAI: Hi there. Um, this is Rory Gilmore and I'm Lorelai Gilmore.","NURSE: Lorelai Gilmore?","LORELAI: Yeah, L \u0096 o \u0096 r . . .","NURSE: You don't look like you've recently suffered a face-altering car crash.","LORELAI: Uh, excuse me?","NURSE: You're also supposed to have buck teeth, a club foot, and alopecia.","LORELAI: Oh. I'm sorry, who told you this?","NURSE: My husband.","LORELAI: Your husband? Well, who's . . .Stanley Appleman. Your husband is Stanley Appleman.","NURSE: Mmhmm.","LORELAI: Okay, well, it's very nice to meet you. Stanley's said the nicest things about you. In the one tiny short conversation we had, you know, standing way far apart. You know, too far to touch, but close enough to hear all the wonderful things he said about his adorable, sweet-tempered, lovable. . . can we have someone else do our physical?","CUT TO INSIDE THE STARS HOLLOW HIGH GYMNASIUM","[Dancers start to gather on the dance floor as Taylor makes some announcements over a microphone]","TAYLOR: Any couple without a number will be disqualified. All couples must be touching at all times. All couples must remain moving at all times. The only time you may stop moving or stop touching is when you hear this horn. [blows air horn] That sound means you have ten minutes. Ten minutes to get a drink, to eat a snack, take a rest, or whatever it is you can do in ten minutes. And in addition to the ten-minute rest periods, every person participating has been issued a yellow emergency card. In case of emergency, a contestant may hold up the card and leave the floor for ten minutes. If your partner remains on the floor and moving the entire time, then the owner of the yellow card may rejoin them and the contest. First aid is available in Miss Patty's. Please, remember, that if you feel yourself getting lightheaded or having shooting pains or any other stroke-like symptoms, please move off to the side so that your collapse will not get in the way of the other dancers. All right, people, lace your shoes, pin those curls, because we only have three minutes left until we start.","LORELAI: Well, I believe three minutes is plenty of time for some coffee.","RORY: Yes, coffee, please.","[they walk over to Luke's coffee table on the side of the dance floor]","LORELAI: Hey, we're dying, load us up.","LUKE: It isn't ready yet.","LORELAI: What?","RORY: Mommy.","LORELAI: What do you mean it's not ready? It's six in the morning. Nothing says coffee like six in the morning.","[Luke picks up a thermos and hands it to them]","LUKE: You did not get this from me.","LORELAI: Then who do we send our kisses of gratitude to?","LUKE: The eternal question asked yet again.","RORY: Thanks Luke. Strong.","LORELAI: Yeah? Hello.","TAYLOR: All right, folks. Everybody on the floor. We're two minutes away. I repeat, everybody on the floor, we are two minutes away.","[On the dance floor, Kirk and his partner walk up to Lorelai and Rory]","KIRK: Lorelai.","LORELAI: Kirk.","KIRK: Good luck to you.","LORELAI: And to you.","[Kirk and his partner walk away]","LORELAI: He's going down.","RORY: I hate to bring this up.","LORELAI: What?","RORY: Kirk has very little in his life.","LORELAI: Uh huh.","RORY: He has no career, no girlfriend, no pet, no car. He lives with his mother, she won't even let him have his own key. The only thing he does have in his whole lonely pathetic existence is this marathon. If we win, if we take him down, if we take away that last little piece of dignity, then we leave him with nothing.","LORELAI: I wonder if he'll cry.","RORY: My mother, the Howard Roark of Stars Hollow.","TAYLOR: All right, everybody, grab your partners, make sure your numbers are securely fastened, and let the countdown begin!","EVERYONE: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!","TAYLOR: It's showtime!","[All the couples start dancing]","[Babette taps Morey on the shoulder]","BABETTE: I'm done, let's go.","MOREY: Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CUT TO LATER IN THE MARATHON","[Six hours have passed. Kirk and his partner dance by Lorelai and Rory]","LORELAI: Hey Kirk, relax. Dancing's supposed to be fun.","KIRK: You know what will be fun, Lorelai? Jogging around your prostrate body with that shiny temple of silver importance hoisted in the air for all to see. That will be fun. [dances away]","LORELAI: Do you think serious Kirk is more disturbing than non-serious Kirk?","RORY: Actually, I think they're both about the same.","LORELAI: Come on.","RORY: What?","LORELAI: Follow me.","[they dance over to Dean]","DEAN: Wow, you guys look great.","RORY: Hey, you came.","DEAN: Hey, you're standing.","LORELAI: Hey, we had coffee.","DEAN: I can tell. So, how's it going?","RORY: Oh, it's been pretty quiet so far. However, I do believe \u0096","ANDREW: [in background] You went out with Liam Neeson! Are you kidding me?","LORELAI: Right on time!","ANDREW: Why would you ever tell me that you went out with Liam Neeson? Why would you do that?","WOMAN: Because I was trying to be honest.","ANDREW: I don't believe that A, you actually went out with Liam Neeson, and B, that you would choose to tell me now at this moment that you went out with Liam Neeson!","WOMAN: Andrew!","ANDREW: No!","WOMAN: Andrew!","ANDREW: I can't stand Liam Neeson! [storms off]","RORY: See, fun!","LORELAI: And no one's even thrown up yet.","DEAN: Okay, well, uh, I'm just gonna go sit over there and watch for awhile. Maybe I'll get lucky.","RORY: Great.","LORELAI: Well, that's sweet. Spectator Ken.","RORY: Just keep dancing, you.","[Kirk dances by and flips his partner]","LORELAI: Flip all you want, pal. This ain't the Olympics. It's who's left standing at the end that matters, not how fancy you are getting there.","[Kirk and his partner dance away]","LORELAI: Let me flip you.","RORY: No way.","LORELAI: Come on!","RORY: You are not flipping me.","LORELAI: Fine.","RORY: Fine.","LORELAI: You flip me.","RORY: No need, you've already flipped.","LORELAI: One cartwheel.","RORY: Silence.","[Jess and Shane walk across the dance floor to the bleachers]","TAYLOR: Unauthorized persons on the dance floor. Unauthorized persons on the dance floor. Security! Security! Security!","LORELAI: Well, look who's suddenly interested in dance.","RORY: Yeah, he's a regular Martha Graham.","[Rory watches Jess and Shane kiss]","CUT TO LATER IN THE MARATHON","[Fourteen hours have passed. Everyone is tired and dancing very slowly. Rory is trying to sleep on Lorelai's shoulder. Lorelai sees Kirk dancing toward them.]","LORELAI: [to Rory] Kirk.","RORY: Mm?","[they start dancing more lively until Kirk passes by]","RORY: How much longer?","LORELAI: Oh, chin up soldier. We should be getting a break pretty soon.","RORY: I hope so.","[Jackson and Sookie dance over to them]","JACKSON: Oh good, there she is.","SOOKIE: Jackson, please.","LORELAI: Hey guys.","JACKSON: Well, hey to you, too. Listen, I wanted to ask you, what do you think of my hair?","LORELAI: What?","JACKSON: My hair. How's it look to you? Any opinion?","LORELAI: It looks fine.","SOOKIE: Jackson, you're overacting.","JACKSON: You think? How \u0091bout you, Lorelai? You think I'm overreacting?","LORELAI: Jackson, what?","[a horn sounds]","LORELAI: Oh my God.","RORY: What, what?","LORELAI: The runaround.","RORY: The runaround? That does not sound good.","LORELAI: I'm sorry, baby. I'm so, so sorry.","TAYLOR: Ladies and Gentlemen, on your marks. . .get set. . .and go!","[all the dancers start running in a circle around the gym]","TAYLOR: Round and round they go, but when the song stops, nobody knows! But the last five couples that finish behind the red line are automatically out, so hold onto your partner and move, move, move!","MISS PATTY: You're getting too much pleasure out of this, Taylor.","[Jackson and Sookie are running behind Lorelai and Rory]","JACKSON: Hey Lorelai, just wondering, how's my running? Got an opinion on that?","LORELAI: Jackson, what's going on?","SOOKIE: Nothing. He's mad at me and he's taking it out on you.","JACKSON: Oh, I'm not mad. I just didn't realize that when I married Sookie, I also married you. I didn't realize I was a Mormon, my mistake.","RORY: I need to interject for one second to tell you that I hate you!","LORELAI: Thanks, honey.","SOOKIE: Quit trying to drag Lorelai into this.","JACKSON: Fine, I will. [walks off the dance floor]","SOOKIE: Jackson, wait! Yellow cards, right here! I've got them for the both of us. We'll be right back! [follows after him]","TAYLOR: One of you is supposed to stay here. Hey!","RORY: I think I'm going to die.","LORELAI: Me first.","RORY: How much longer?","LORELAI: I don't know. I just know that every year I block this part out.","RORY: From now on I'm going to remind you of it.","[Lorelai notices Kirk running right on their heels]","LORELAI: Kirk, what are you doing?","KIRK: I'm drafting you.","LORELAI: Well, stop it!","KIRK: You can't tell me where to run!","LORELAI: Kirk, I swear to God, don't make me come back there!","[a horn sounds]","TAYLOR: Ten minute break everyone, ten minute break. Well run. Ten minute break, everyone. Ten minute break.","[Several people, including Lorelai and Rory, collapse on the gym floor; Rory starts moving her leg around]","LORELAI: What are you doing?","RORY: I'm trying to kick you but I can't reach.","LORELAI: I would help you but I can't move.","RORY: Can I owe you one?","LORELAI: Yeah, no problem. Okay, okay, heart returning to normal. I have to go find Jackson and Sookie.","RORY: I'll get us a couple of sandwiches.","LORELAI: Good idea. [they stand up] This is fun, huh?","RORY: Uh huh, big fun.","CUT TO MISS PATTY'S","[Jess walks up to Lane's table]","JESS: So, not dancing?","LANE: Nope.","JESS: Why not? Too cool?","LANE: Go away, Jess. No one asked for a Tony Manero wannabe to drop by.","JESS: Hey, I'm just here for the food.","LANE: [hands him a sandwich] Here, enjoy, buh-bye.","JESS: I noticed Rory's not dancing with Dean.","LANE: Nothing gets past you, does it.","JESS: How come? Trouble in paradise?","LANE: Rory's dancing with her mother. Nothing's wrong with her and Dean, and you're blocking my sandwiches from the rest of the room.","JESS: I know. They're erecting a statue to me in the park next week.","MRS. KIM: Who are you?","JESS: Jess. . . ma'am.","MRS. KIM: [to Lane] Scoop more.","[Mrs. Kim walks away. Rory and Dean walk up to the table]","RORY: The sandwiches are for the dancers.","JESS: I'm dancing on the inside.","RORY: What are you doing here?","JESS: I live here.","RORY: You have nothing better to do than to sit around inside a gymnasium all day staring at a dance marathon?","JESS: I don't know. [to Dean] Do you have nothing better to do than sit inside a gymnasium all day staring at a dance marathon?","DEAN: I wouldn't direct any sort of comment toward me if I were you.","JESS: I'm just trying to support my town.","RORY: Good, then go back to New York.","JESS: Ooh. Zing. I've been snapped.","RORY: You think you're bugging me sitting in front of me staring like that?","JESS: You think you're bugging me dancing in front of me staring like that?","RORY: I'm not staring at you.","JESS: Then how do you know I'm staring at you?","RORY: I am dancing. I cannot control where my glance goes. And the few moments that I can control it, my glance goes to Dean, not to you.","JESS: So you can't control when you look at me, but you have to force yourself to look at him? Sorry, man. That's cold.","DEAN: My former comment still stands.","RORY: Go home.","JESS: No, thanks.","RORY: Then get out of my way.","JESS: Didn't realize I was in your way. There you go. It's all yours. God help you.","[Shane walks over to them]","SHANE: Where did you go? I've been sitting out there for twenty minutes.","JESS: The break's only for ten.","SHANE: It's just a saying.","JESS: I came to get food.","SHANE: Good, I'm starved.","RORY: The food is for the dancers.","SHANE: Who are you, Bobby Brady? Get a life.","JESS: Rory's feeling a little territorial today.","SHANE: Whatever. God, what is this thing?","DEAN: Rory, get your stuff and let's go.","JESS: Ooh, that was good. Now say \u0091then get in there and make me my supper.'","RORY: I got them.","DEAN: Come on.","JESS: See you in there. [they leave] I'm gonna get a soda.","CUT TO INSIDE THE GYMNASIUM","[Lorelai walks up to Luke's coffee table]","LORELAI: Have you seen Sookie and Jackson?","LUKE: Nope.","LORELAI: I've looked everywhere for them.","LUKE: Have you tried the insane asylum where everybody in this room is supposed to be?","[Jackson and Sookie walk up to them]","JACKSON: Okay, I need to say something here.","LORELAI: Oh, I've been looking all over for you.","SOOKIE: I wish you would just drop this.","JACKSON: Contrary to your belief, there are some things in life that you do not have the right to have an opinion on.","LORELAI: What?","JACKSON: And the rate at which I have kids and the amount of kids I wish to have falls directly under that category","LORELAI: Sookie, what did you tell him?","SOOKIE: Okay, you see, once again, my communication skills \u0096 not so good.","LORELAI: Jackson, I didn't mean to get involved in any of this.","JACKSON: No? Telling Sookie that she needs to immediately inform me that four in four is crazy?","LORELAI: Aw, Sookie.","SOOKIE: Yeah, it did come out something like that.","LORELAI: Aw man.","LUKE: What's four in four?","LORELAI: Four kids in four years.","LUKE: That is crazy.","JACKSON: Oh good, yes, let's open this up to even more discussion.","LUKE: One kid in four years is crazy.","JACKSON: Hey.","LUKE: Sorry, go ahead, drop another sucker in this mess.","LORELAI: Okay, raise your hand if you're not helping.","JACKSON: Does anyone here understand that a man has a right not to have his personal life debated in a public forum? I am not Winona Ryder.","SOOKIE: Well, I know that.","LORELAI: I'm sorry, Jackson, I didn't mean \u0096","JACKSON: My child-bearing arrangements are between me and Sookie.","LUKE: And the Lord. Still not helping?","SOOKIE: Jackson, just please calm down.","JACKSON: I will calm down. I'll calm down at home.","SOOKIE: But what about the contest?","JACKSON: To hell with the contest! I'm quitting the contest. That is, if it's okay with Lorelai, or Luke, or that strange man in the corner who I've never met. Excuse me, strange man in the corner? Is it okay if I quit this contest? [storms off]","SOOKIE: I'm so sorry. I got tongue-tied and things just started coming out and I couldn't stop them and. . .","LORELAI: Go.","SOOKIE: Jackson, honey, wait! [runs after him]","LUKE: Oh, they're gonna make great parents.","TAYLOR: All dancers back on the dance floor. All dancers back on the dance floor.","[Rory walks up to Lorelai and hands her a sandwich]","RORY: Mom.","LORELAI: Let's go.","CUT TO LATER IN THE MARATHON","[Twenty-three hours have passed. Taylor is drunk at the podium, babbling to Miss Patty]","TAYLOR: And then I'd say \u0091what is this in your ear' and I'd pull out a bright shiny penny and then whole room would laugh and clap.","MISS PATTY: Yeah, I'm sure they did, Taylor.","TAYLOR: Yeah. Have you ever levitated a rottweiler?","MISS PATTY: No.","TAYLOR: Not easy. But in a cape with a wand and a shiny black top hat. . .","[Taylor falls asleep. Patty tries to take his megaphone, but he wakes up]","TAYLOR: What are you doing?","MISS PATTY: Well, I was just. . .","TAYLOR: You tried to take my megaphone.","MISS PATTY: No, I just didn't want you to drop it.","TAYLOR: No one touches my megaphone. No one.","MISS PATTY: What do you mean \u0096","TAYLOR: Guards!","MISS PATTY: - no one touches your megaphone?","TAYLOR: Guards!","MISS PATTY: [pokes the megaphone] How's that. . .take that!","TAYLOR: Hey! Hey!","[cut to Lorelai and Rory on the dance floor]","LORELAI: Tell me a joke.","RORY: Knock knock.","LORELAI: [giggles] That was a good one. Ow!","RORY: You okay?","LORELAI: Oh no!","RORY: What?","LORELAI: My heel broke.","RORY: What?","LORELAI: My heel just broke off. Damn, these are brand new shoes, too.","RORY: They were made in 1943.","LORELAI: Well, I just bought them Tuesday.","RORY: I told you not to wear vintage shoes.","LORELAI: But the lady at the store said that they hadn't been worn a lot.","RORY: Yeah, but not a lot in sixty years is still a lot.","LORELAI: I gotta fix them. I'll use my emergency card. I'll be right back.","RORY: No, stop. If you leave, there's no way I'll be able to stand up on my own.","LORELAI: Ten minutes.","RORY: Nighty-night.","LORELAI: Fine, hold on. Dean, come here! Dean!","RORY: What are you doing?","[Dean walks over to them]","DEAN: Is everything okay?","LORELAI: Yeah, it's great. Stand here.","[Lorelai drapes Rory's arm across Dean]","DEAN: Whoa.","LORELAI: Look, I'll be back in ten minutes. Do not let her stop or lay down, do you understand me?","DEAN: But I \u0096","LORELAI: I need you, Dean. The team needs you.","DEAN: What team?","LORELAI: Pick a team \u0096 it needs you. I'll be right back.","[Lorelai walks away]","RORY: I'm really sorry about this.","DEAN: Yeah, uh, it's okay.","RORY: Are you sure?","DEAN: Yeah. Actually, it's not bad at all.","[cut to Luke's coffee table]","LUKE: [to woman on the bleachers] I think that one's a goner, Miss.","[Lorelai walks up to him holding the heel of her shoe]","LORELAI: Hey, my shoe broke.","LUKE: What?","LORELAI: I need you to fix it.","LUKE: Do I look like a cobbler to you?","LORELAI: If I say yes, will you fix my shoe?","LUKE: Let me see it.","LORELAI: I only have ten minutes \u0096 please.","LUKE: I think I have some glue back at the diner.","LORELAI: Glue, yes \u0096 we love glue!","LUKE: I wouldn't say that too loudly if I were you.","LORELAI: Thank you.","[Luke leaves, Sookie walks up to Lorelai]","SOOKIE: Hey. Are you guys out?","LORELAI: No, my shoe broke. Luke's fixing it.","SOOKIE: Oh, good. Listen, I just feel terrible about what happened.","LORELAI: I know. How's Jackson?","SOOKIE: Oh, he's fine. We went home, and he calmed down, and we talked. He totally understands and he's open to anything I want.","LORELAI: That's great.","SOOKIE: Now, tell me what I want.","LORELAI: No way.","SOOKIE: But I'm not sure.","LORELAI: Then flip a coin \u0091cause I am staying so far out of this.","SOOKIE: You're my best friend.","LORELAI: Yes, I am, and I can only remain your best friend as long as Jackson doesn't kill me.","SOOKIE: Lorelai. . .","LORELAI: Sookie, he's a produce man. They'll never find the body, but the squash will be especially chatty that year.","SOOKIE: Okay, fair enough.","LORELAI: Hey, take your time. That's it. That's all I have to say.","SOOKIE: Thank you.","[Luke returns with the glue]","LUKE: Got it.","LORELAI: Ah, good.","SOOKIE: Well, I'm going home to figure out what I want. Good luck. Call me tomorrow.","LORELAI: I will.","[Sookie leaves]","LUKE: So, how's that situation going?","LORELAI: Oh, it'll be okay.","LUKE: Good. Uh, listen, uh, I didn't really mean all that stuff I said earlier.","LORELAI: What stuff?","LUKE: Uh, the kid stuff, you know.","LORELAI: Oh, it's no big deal.","LUKE: Yeah, I know, I just. . .I'm not really as anti-kid as I might have come off.","LORELAI: Drop another sucker in. . .","LUKE: Okay, yes. I don't always have the patience for them. They tend to be a little squishy, and that freaks me out a little.","LORELAI: You don't have to want kids, Luke. Or like kids. It's not for everybody.","LUKE: I know, but. . .although I'm quite happy going an entire day without having to deal with somebody else's bodily functions, if I ever happen to meet the right person. . .well, it would be a discussion.","LORELAI: A discussion.","LUKE: Yes. Probably a short discussion, but still. Here, hold this. So what about you \u0096 you ever think about having another kid?","LORELAI: Oh, I don't know how much fun it would be without biology finals and headgear. . . but sure, if I ever happen to meet the right person, another kid might be nice.","[they stare at each other for a moment]","LUKE: Your shoe'll be ready in a minute","LORELAI: Thank you.","CUT TO MISS PATTY'S","[Lane is sitting out front. She gets up and walks back inside to the food table, and Dave walks up to her]","DAVE: One sandwich please.","LANE: Hi.","DAVE: Hi.","LANE: What are you doing here?","DAVE: Uh, well, you mentioned this thing last time we talked and it sounded very Blue Velvet so I figured I would come by and check it out.","LANE: What do you think?","DAVE: Uh, I think you held back.","LANE: Yeah, well. . .","DAVE: Anyhow, I hadn't seen you in awhile, and I thought I'd come down and maybe we could figure something out on this band issue.","LANE: Sure, we could do that.","DAVE: Plus, I missed you.","LANE: You did? You missed me?","DAVE: Well, yeah. Did you miss me?","LANE: Oh, yeah, definitely. I definitely, definitely missed you.","DAVE: Glad and relieved to hear it.","[Mrs. Kim walks over to them]","MRS. KIM: Who are you, what do you want?","LANE: Mama.","MRS. KIM: Do you know this boy?","LANE: Well \u0096","DAVE: Uh, no, actually, I just heard a bunch of people talking outside about the sandwiches and I thought that I would come in and maybe try one. I'm sorry, may I? [Mrs. Kim hands him a sandwich] Thank you. [takes a bite] That's delicious.","LANE: Really?","DAVE: May I have another one for later please?","MRS. KIM: Yes, that's fine. Take another one.","DAVE: Thank you. You know, my parents would love these sandwiches. I wish I could bring them by but unfortunately they're in private bible study right now.","MRS. KIM: Bible study?","DAVE: Say, how long are you serving?","MRS. KIM: Why?","DAVE: Well, I thought that if they got out in time I could bring them on over.","MRS. KIM: Well, the bread is only good for another twenty minutes, after that there's no point. You chip a tooth.","DAVE: Okay. So if I can get my parents back here in twenty minutes, then you'll still be serving, but in thirty you're done?","MRS. KIM: That's right.","DAVE: Great. So if for some reason I'm not back here in twenty minutes, that means that I'm gonna be over there, on the church steps, waiting for my parents to get out so that I can tell them about the great sandwiches that they missed. Okay? Okay, great. Thanks a lot and I hope to see you soon. [leaves]","MRS. KIM: I hope he comes back. He seemed hungry.","CUT TO INSIDE THE GYM","[Rory and Dean are still dancing. Jess and Shane sitting on the bleachers]","RORY: He's still there.","DEAN: What?","RORY: Jess. He's still there. I can't believe he's still there.","DEAN: Just ignore him.","RORY: Yeah. You know, this is a dance marathon. You're not supposed to come and sit and watch, you're supposed to dance. He's just trying to bug me, sitting there right in front of me, staring. Jerk.","SHANE: I'm bored.","JESS: Okay.","[they start kissing]","RORY: There they go again! God, I swear, why can't they just get a room? Or forget a room \u0096 get a park bench, or a doorway, or even a strategically placed telephone pole would probably suffice. I mean, girls like Shane \u0096 what is it with them? Don't they see what they look like? I know they have mirrors.","JESS: Hey, you talking about me?","RORY: No.","JESS: I heard you mention Shane.","RORY: Shane isn't you.","JESS: Shane concerns me.","RORY: Shane concerns me, too \u0096 and all women, for that matter.","JESS: You got a problem here?","RORY: Nope. Just a little sick of seeing the two of you sitting there. If you're not gonna participate, then why don't you just leave?","SHANE: That works for me. Let's go.","JESS: No.","RORY: Why not?","JESS: Because I'm not ready to go.","RORY: Oh really?","JESS: Yes, really. I'm gonna sit here as long as I like, and I'm gonna do whatever I like, and if you don't like it, then just ignore me and pay attention to your boyfriend.","DEAN: Sorry, she can't. I'm not her boyfriend anymore.","RORY: What?","DEAN: You know, I tried to ignore this. I really did, but I don't know what the hell I was thinking.","RORY: What are you talking about?","DEAN: You don't wanna be with me, Rory.","RORY: Yes, I do.","DEAN: Oh, please! You've been into him since he got to town, and I have spent weeks \u0096 months, actually \u0096 trying to convince myself that it wasn't true, that everything was fine between us. But now I know that I was an idiot. You're into him and he's into you, and Shane, who by the way, should be listening to this \u0091cause it's so damn obvious.","RORY: What's obvious? What did I do?","DEAN: Everyone can see, Rory! Everyone. And I'm tired, but I'm over it, so go ahead, go. Be together. There's nothing standing in your way now, \u0091cause I'm out.","[Dean grabs his jacket from the bleachers and leaves]","TAYLOR: I don't see a yellow card. I don't see a yellow card. Excuse me, young lady. . .whose name I don't remember right now. . . ugh, no one listens to me.","MISS PATTY: I know, honey.","CUT TO THE BRIDGE","[Rory is sitting on the bridge as Jess walks up to her]","JESS: Dean's a jerk. Yelling at you like that, breaking up in front of everybody. . .the guy's a total jerk.","RORY: No, he's not. He's right. Everything he said. All those things about you and me, all those things about me lying to him, and messing with his head. He was right. Well, wasn't he? Fine, he was right about me, then. Now go away.","JESS: He was right. . . about all of it.","RORY: So, what now?","JESS: You're definitely broken up with Dean?","RORY: Yeah, I'm definitely broken up with Dean.","JESS: Okay. I have to go take care of something then.","CUT TO INSIDE THE GYMNASIUM","[Only two couples are left: Kirk and his partner, and another couple. The woman of the other couple falls to the ground]","KIRK: They're out! They're out! We won! We won! [runs over to Miss Patty and wakes her up]","MISS PATTY: Oh, oh, oh. Taylor, wake up! It's over. Taylor, blow the horn.","TAYLOR: [asleep on some chairs] . . .a quarter right out of your ear.","MISS PATTY: Taylor, the horn. Oh, for Pete's Sake. [Patty blows the air horn] Okay, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner!","[Lorelai rushes over to them]","LORELAI: Wait, what are you doing? I'm here, I'm standing, I used my yellow card!","KIRK: I win, I win! I win, I win, I win, I win!","LORELAI: You didn't win! I'm still here! Patty, where's Rory?","MISS PATTY: Oh, she ran off the floor a little while ago, honey.","LORELAI: What? No!","KIRK: Yes!","MISS PATTY: For the fifth year in a row, ladies and gentlemen, the marathon winner is Donna Delain and Kirk!","[Lorelai sees Rory across the gym, and she walks over to her]","LORELAI: Rory, what happened? Where did you go? [sees that Rory is crying] Oh, Rory, honey! Oh.","[Lorelai and Rory hug while Kirk runs around the gym with the trophy]"],"Show Title":"Gilmore Girls","Episode Number":"03x07","Episode Title":"They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They?","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Gilmore_Girls_05x09.json","Recap":["Jackson is the soul of patience as Sookie suffers from mood swings and pregnancy food cravings; Paris' decision to fast for Ramadan to bring authenticity to her writing takes its toll on Rory and Marty; against Lorelai's advice, Michel persists with his plan to foil the bathrobe bandits and nearly gets arrested; Emily decides to start dating again, and calls on a reluctant Lorelai for advice; Jackson is so overwhelmed by his duties as Selectman that Miss Patty is forced to resort to a ruse to get him to preside over the town meeting; Lorelai invites Christopher to lunch at the Inn and decides to surprise Rory by inviting her as well, but it's Lorelai who's surprised by the tension between father and daughter, which erupts into a heated argument out of Lorelai's earshot; Lorelai feels guilty for lying to Rory when her daughter asks about Luke's reaction to the lunch date with Christopher; Luke helps T.J. with some plumbing problems at the new house; Emily appears to have a wonderful time on her date, but bursts into tears when she looks around her empty home at the end of the date; Luke feigns indifference when Lorelai finally tells him about lunch with Christopher, but hints at some ambivalence during a later conversation with T.J.; Marty's timing is off by mere seconds when he attempts to ask Rory out on a date."],"Transcript":["OPEN IN STARS HOLLOW - SIDEWALK OUTSIDE DOOSE'S MARKET","[Lorelai appears around the corner and prepares to enter the grocery store.]","JACKSON: [loud whisper OS] Psst! Lorelai.","LORELAI: Jackson.","[She spots him hiding on the side of the building. He's curiously dressed in a thick coat and a concealing lumberjack hat - flaps arranged to hide his face. She is intrigued and approaches him.]","JACKSON: [stage whisper] Shh. Just come here a second. I need you to get some stuff for me from Doose's.","LORELAI: Jackson, what are you doing?","JACKSON: [continues speaking quietly] Stop saying my name. Look, Sookie's got major food cravings, and I can't go in to \"Leech Headquarters\". They'll be all over me in two seconds flat.","LORELAI: [sympathetic] Selectman job isn't getting any easier, huh?","JACKSON: No, it's getting worse. Like last week -- Ann Benninghoff comes to me, right? She wants to put a sales cart outside the colonial museum selling revolutionary war books and \"just a few arrowheads.\" Fine, but then Sally Lannigan hears about that, and she wants to sell her pine-needle sachets out in front of the gazebo. Fine, but then Kirk comes to me in an outrage because he's allergic to all pine-scented things, and how could I not know this? And pretty soon, I'm nothing but an empty suit of Jackson skin.","LORELAI: Ew. Well, what do you need?","[Jackson pulls a rumpled piece of paper from his coat pocket and unfolds it.]","JACKSON: Oh, thanks. Uh...let's see here. Grapefruit juice, Milk Duds, bloody mary mix, extra-spicy turkey sausage -- this is all going in the same blender, by the way -","LORELAI: Good Lordy.","JACKSON: Chives -- I'm getting a stomachache just reading this list.","LORELAI: Give it to me. I'll brave headquarters for you.","JACKSON: Thank you, thank you, thank you.","[Lorelai pauses and smiles expectantly.]","JACKSON: [ Sighs ] Do not go where you're going.","LORELAI: Well, what's one leech versus a swarm?","JACKSON: [looks to the skies and whimpers] I have no sanctuary.","LORELAI: The pothole on the road to the Dragonfly is getting worse. Kids are starting to swim in it.","JACKSON: I'll put it on the list, along with everything else.","LORELAI: Top of the list, please? [louder] Jackson!","JACKSON: Don't. Shh.","LORELAI: [feigned innocence] Was that too loud? Can't always tell.","JACKSON: It's on top of the list.","LORELAI: [grins] Be back in a flash.","[She exits into the store as another pedestrian walks by. Paranoid, Jackson quickly turns away, tries to look casual.]","CUT TO SOOKIE AND JACKSON'S HOUSE - INTERIOR - FRONT DOOR","[Jackson enters the house with Lorelai following, both laden with grocery bags.]","JACKSON: Sookie, I'm home.","LORELAI: I'm home, too!","JACKSON: Were we followed? [peers around edge of curtain]","LORELAI: I don't think so. Good thing we ditched that Audi in Marseilles. Now we just have to find that tracking device. [hears crying from next room] Sookie, honey, what's wrong?","SOOKIE: [ Crying ] I just -- it's just -- it's just so sad.","[Jackson and Lorelai join Sookie in the living room]","LORELAI: Oh! People Magazine. Jackson, you know we don't allow soft human-interest stories around Sookie when she's pregnant.","JACKSON: She must have snuck it in.","SOOKIE: [whimpering] I feel like they were perfect for each other, you know?","LORELAI: [sympathetic] Uh-huh. Who, honey?","SOOKIE: [hiccupping stutters] The two of them. I mean, with the hair and the teeth and the -- you know?","LORELAI: Who's got hair and teeth?","SOOKIE: And then the Divine Brown thing happens, and bammo -- their love's in the toilet.","LORELAI: We're talking Elizabeth Hurley and Hugh Grant?","JACKSON: She must have found an old one somewhere.","LORELAI: [encouragingly] That was years ago, Sookie.","JACKSON: Tons of people have broken up since then.","SOOKIE: [horrified] and Oh, my God!","LORELAI: No, no, it's okay. Everyone's together and happy. Dispose, please.","JACKSON: Gladly. [exits with the magazine]","SOOKIE: Oh, is that my food?","LORELAI: Yes, yes, look. We got, uh, turkey sausage -- extra-spicy like you wanted.","SOOKIE: Yuk.","LORELAI: And grapefruit juice.","SOOKIE: Ugh.","LORELAI: Rappini.","SOOKIE: Ugh. Puke.","LORELAI: You're not craving things anymore, are you?","SOOKIE: I'm sorry.","LORELAI: No.","[Jackson returns to join his wife - sits on the arm of the sofa to comfort her]","SOOKIE: Oh, I mean, I'm so friggin impossible. You're so good to me, and you go to all this trouble, and you get me everything I want, then I don't want it anymore. [Lorelai smiles warmly at her friend] I'm sorry that you have to be in love with a crazy person.","JACKSON: Come here. [Sookie leans into his embrace] I'll tell you what -- I'll deal with as much moodiness and food weirdness as you can dish out as long as you do the actual \"squeezing a human being out of your body\" part.","SOOKIE: [chuckles] Deal.","[Jackson's gaze wanders out the front window. He stands suddenly, causing Sookie to grunt as she leans into nothing. ]","JACKSON: Okay. That car just slowed down as it went past the house.","LORELAI: Jackson, why don't you get away from the window and go relax or something?","JACKSON: Oh, I shouldn't be near a window.","SOOKIE: Why don't you take it easy, sweetie, and go check on Davey?","JACKSON: All right, but if anyone calls for me, I'm not here... and I'm armed and dangerous. [exits again]","LORELAI: [warm tone] He lo-o-o-ves you.","SOOKIE: Then he's certifiable... because I'm certifiable, and you have to be certifiable to put up with that.","LORELAI: Hey, you're pregnant. You're not supposed to be normal. [stands and walks to the kitchen to put away groceries]","SOOKIE: [Chuckles] I guess so. And it may be mean, but when I worry too much about how I'm treating Jackson, I just remember Brandy.","[Sookie stands and follows Lorelai to the kitchen and sits at the table]","LORELAI: Brandy?","SOOKIE: Christopher's Brandy.","LORELAI: Christopher's Sherry?","SOOKIE: Oh. [Chuckles] I knew it was something like that. Anyway, I'm handling this all better than her. How is he, anyway?","LORELAI: Christopher? Fine. [pause] Wow, you know what? I have no idea. He never called me again.","SOOKIE: Really?","[Lorelai joins Sookie seated at the table]","LORELAI: Not once since I went over there. I assume he's doing fine, but I don't know.","SOOKIE: He never called? All those problems with the baby were solved in one night?","LORELAI: Kind of weird, isn't it?","SOOKIE: A little.","LORELAI: You never know with him. He's as unpredictable as a pregnant woman. No offense.","SOOKIE: [Chuckles] None taken.","LORELAI: I hope he and G.G. are okay. The last time I was over there, he was duct-taping her diapers, but... I'm sure he's found the tabby thingies by now. Yeah, I'm sure he's okay.","SOOKIE: Milk chocolate and artichoke hearts.","LORELAI: What?","SOOKIE: That's what I want, and I'm not going to change my mind. Milk chocolate and... bell peppers! [excitedly hops to her feet]","LORELAI: Ah.","SOOKIE: Now I'm not going to change my mind. Jackson, I figured it out! Milk -- dark chocolate. Ooh, taffy! Taffy and walnuts. [Gasps] Taffy -- OOH, pistachios! Ooh, hearts of palm! [ she walks out of the room ]","CUT TO RORY'S YALE DORM - COMMON ROOM","[Rory seated on sofa, reading a newspaper. Paris paces nervously, then leans over Rory's shoulder]","RORY: Paris, please don't compare our reading speeds again. You're fast, I'm slow. Enjoy your trophy.","PARIS: I need the exact time of today's sunset.","RORY: I'm in the middle of an article.","PARIS: Well, if you read faster, you wouldn't be.","[Rory turns the newspaper page]","RORY: Okay, the time of today's sunset is 4:31.","PARIS: Okay. Then I just have to keep my mind occupied until 4:31.","RORY: Paris.","PARIS: What?","RORY: Tell me again why you're fasting for Ramadan.","PARIS: Look, Rory, if you want to crib your articles from the A.P. Wire, that's your business. I, on the other hand, actually give a rat's ass about journalistic integrity. When I write about Ramadan, I experience Ramadan. Are you chewing gum?","RORY: What? Yes. Why?","PARIS: I'd really prefer it if you didn't chew it at me.","RORY: Paris, did you know that not eating can make people kind of snippy?","PARIS: Ramadan is about a lot more than just not eating. It calls for a total abstinence from food particles passing through the mouth or nose. Your bazooka is passing through my nose.","[ Knock on door ]","RORY: It's unlocked. [Marty walks in carrying a paper sack] Hey, Marty.","MARTY: So, I just bartended this crazy brunch with chocolate fountains and floating ice sculptures, and I snagged us all kinds of hors d'oeuvres. [indicating the two bags he's carrying]","PARIS: [sarcasm] Oh, nice going, bucko.","MARTY: [eyes Paris timidly] Okay, so, she didn't really mean \"nice going,\" right? 'Cause there's sort of a devil-eye thing going on.","RORY: She's fasting.","PARIS: People came to America to escape religious persecution.","[Cell phone rings - Rory stands and retrieves her cell phone. Marty takes her vacant seat on the sofa.]","MARTY: Well, what religion is anti-leftovers? [eyes Paris warily]","RORY: Hello.","LORELAI: Hi. Guess where I am?","RORY: Mom.","LORELAI: Go on, guess.","RORY: Oh, I don't know, Luke's?","CUT TO STARS HOLLOW - LUKE'S DINER","[Lorelai is standing behind Luke's counter as employees bustle around her.]","LORELAI: But not just at Luke's -- on the phone at Luke's, and it's all perfectly legal because I'm on the diner's phone.","RORY: A loophole. Nice.","LORELAI: You got to love a loophole.","[The scene switches between the diner and Rory's dorm]","RORY: Getting to use Luke's behind-the-counter phone, that's like getting to wear his letterman jacket.","LORELAI: I know. Maybe now he'll ask me to the sock hop.","RORY: I'm glad you guys are all loopholey and sock-hoppy. It's nice.","LORELAI: Yeah. Well, um, I just called to, you know, uh, brag about my loophole and check on plans for Friday night dinner.","[Luke emerges from the back storeroom carrying supplies and shouts. ]","LUKE: Hey!","LORELAI: Hon, hold on a sec.","[Luke walks up]","LUKE: What are you doing back here?","RORY: You didn't have permission to be behind the counter, did you?","LORELAI: You don't need permission if you're the girlfriend.","LUKE: [lectures] A sack of potatoes falls on your head, the insurance company doesn't care if you're the girlfriend.","LORELAI: Well, you're storing potatoes in a very weird place if you're worried about them falling on people's heads.","LUKE: [scolds and shoo's] Go. Go. Get.","LORELAI: Okay, I'm getting.","[She pulls the phone cord with her while walking around to the front of the counter returning to her stool. A semi-eaten bowl of pie and ice cream sits before her.]","RORY: He's kicking you out?","LORELAI: No. It's just my boyfriend's so protective of my safety, the thought of food falling on my head makes him crazy. So, anyway, what's better for you -- carpool or meet there?","RORY: Meet's better, I guess.","LORELAI: Okay, honey, I'll see you there.","RORY: Oh, wait -- there's something I want to run by you.","[At the dorm, Marty peeks inside one of his paper bags. Paris alternately fans the air and hits Marty with the newspaper]","MARTY: Can't you just plug your nose or something?","PARIS: Sure, ask a billion Muslims to plug their noses. That makes a lot of sense, Marty.","[She continues to beat him with the paper until he closes the bag and leans back, defeated. Rory exits to her room.]","CUT TO RORY'S DORM - BEDROOM","[Rory enters and closes the door to avoid the noisy ruckus between Paris and Marty. Scene continues to switch between bedroom to Luke's Diner]","RORY: Okay, so, I've got an idea.","LORELAI: Finally this Yale thing's kicking in.","RORY: I am sick of humoring Grandma and Grandpa during this stupid separation of theirs. This \"drinks here, dinner there\" is dumb. It's not working, and we should not do it anymore.","LORELAI: Well, if you feel it is best to end the Friday night dinners, then as your mother, I feel it is my duty to support you.","RORY: I'm not saying we should end Friday night dinners.","LORELAI: Okay, well, then, as your mother, I feel it is my duty to tell you you're wrong.","RORY: We need to take a stand. No more humoring. We need to get them in a room and talk some sense into them, and to do that, I think we should divide and conquer. So this Friday, I'll have dinner with one, and you'll have dinner with the other.","LORELAI: Uh-huh. Hey, what happened to the idea of ending Friday night dinners? - Because I thought that one had real potential.","[Loud muffled voices continue from the other room]","RORY: This way, we can each talk to them one-on-one, break them down, convince them that their separation isn't okay with us.","LORELAI: It's not?","RORY: Mom, I know they both want to be with each other.","LORELAI: Hon, my parents are very stubborn. I don't want you to get your hopes up about the outcome.","RORY: But I can't stand it the way it is. I think they both miss each other, but they're just too proud, and it's just -- it's kind of breaking my heart.","LORELAI: So...which one do you want me to take?","RORY: How about I'll take grandpa, and you'll take grandma?","LORELAI: Ahh, no!","RORY: Okay, then I'll take grandma, and you take grandpa.","LORELAI: Ahh, no!","RORY: Mom.","LORELAI: Can't I take the butler? He doesn't talk much, and as far as I can tell, thoroughly enjoys the way I dress.","[Marty enters Rory's room and closes door behind him]","MARTY: She's throwing things at me. Religious sanctuary, please.","RORY: [to her mother] The butler is not an option.","LORELAI: Fine, I'll take her.","RORY: Thank you. Bye. [clicks off phone. Marty joins her on the edge of the bed. He hands her a paper bag.] Ooh. What's the bacon wrapped around?","MARTY: Something bacon should never be wrapped around.","RORY: Rich people.","MARTY: They live very different lives.","CUT TO LUKE'S DINER","[Lorelai still sits at the counter. Luke walks up from the other side and clears away Lorelai's bowl and hands it to passing employee. He pulls out his usual tablet and pencil. He talks while he checks numbers.]","LORELAI: Thanks.","LUKE: So, that was Rory?","LORELAI: Yeah.","LUKE: How's she doing?","LORELAI: Fine.","LUKE: With the Dean thing and all, the breakup?","LORELAI: She sounds okay. Actually, she's petite, but she's strong.","LUKE: Good. I'm glad.","LORELAI: Don't gloat.","LUKE: I'm not gloating.","LORELAI: Yes, you are.","LUKE: I just said I'm glad she's okay. That's not gloating.","LORELAI: It was your tone, like you were covering up for being gloaty by sounding extra non-gloaty.","LUKE: Lorelai.","LORELAI: You always hated him. I get it.","LUKE: I never hated him. I just never thought he was right for Rory, and I swear, I'm not gloating.","LORELAI: Well, I don't know. If it walks like a gloat and quacks like a gloat --","LUKE: I wasn't.","LORELAI: I got to go. Kiss. [leans forward and Luke meets her half-way over the counter. They kiss]","[T.J. enters the diner and walks up. He has a towel thrown over one shoulder.]","T.J.: I stink. There's your headline. Keep your distance.","LUKE: [to Lorelai] You better run.","LORELAI: I'll call you later. [gathers her jacket and purse and stands]","LUKE: If I don't strangle myself with the phone cord, I'll answer. [returns to his paperwork]","LORELAI: Hi, T.J.","T.J.: Three feet, Lorelai, 'cause I haven't showered in as many days.","LORELAI: Uh-oh. Goodbye, T.J. [scoots around him carefully and exits]","T.J.: [to Luke] I need your shower, buddy.","[Luke doesn't look up]","LUKE: Sorry. Broken.","T.J.: Really? 'Cause you're looking powder fresh.","LUKE: I am not powder fresh.","T.J.: Come on, Luke, we got no water at our new place, and the flies, they are a-buzzing. [waves his hand] Man!","LUKE: Fine, use my shower, T.J. [points to the direction of the stairs]","T.J.: You're the best, you know that? I worship you.","LUKE: Yeah, you should build an altar to me. You know, I know I shouldn't ask you this, but why isn't your water turned on?","T.J.: 'Cause the pipes got trashed after I demo'd the upstairs bathroom.","LUKE: You weren't going to demo the bathrooms.","T.J.: But I had a little accident installing the towel rack, and the next thing you know, the whole bathroom's demo'd.","LUKE: Because of the towel rack?","T.J.: I got very angry at this towel rack.","LUKE: Yes, that's very normal.","T.J.: But I got some replacement pipe. I just got to cut it up into shorter pieces and stick it together, and we're good to go.","LUKE: Okay, sounds like you know what you're doing.","T.J.: I just need some kind of tool that cuts pipe. What would you call that?","LUKE: [sarcastic] I don't know, a pipe cutter?","T.J.: That's it! A pipe cutter! You know anyone who's got a pipe cutter?","LUKE: I have a pipe cutter. Would you like to borrow it?","T.J.: That cuts pipe, right?","LUKE: Hey, T.J., Why don't you just hire a professional?","T.J.: Because I'm trying to be responsible. What with the move and being in escrow and everything, I'm not exactly flush, so I figured I'd do it myself. [uses the \"pity me\" face] Is that so - wrong?","LUKE: [fatalistic] I'll help you cut the pipe, T.J.","T.J.: [mood immediately brightens] Oh, hey, that's beyond the call. You've got to be the best brother-in-law in the world.","LUKE: Uh-huh. Thanks. Anything else?","T.J.: You know, it's real hell trying to make coffee without water.","LUKE: Have some coffee, T.J.","[T.J. helps himself to a donut under the serving lid]","T.J.: And a cruller to cut the bitterness 'cause sometimes -- no offense -- I find your coffee a little bitter. I mean, it's good. It's just a little bitter.","CUT TO DRAGONFLY INN - FRONT DESK","[Lorelai is typing on the computer. Michel walks up as a guest departs.]","MICHEL: We need to talk.","LORELAI: Shoot.","MICHEL: There's a couple here I thought I recognized, but I was not sure, so I consulted an old guest ledger from the Independence Inn and found a physical description that confirmed their identities.","LORELAI: Physical description?","MICHEL: Yes. I had described them with astonishing accuracy, down to the crooked eyes and unsightly moles.","LORELAI: You have a system of describing what people's moles look like?","MICHEL: Mm-hmm. Moles, freckles. What is their weight? Are they buxom? Is their chin cleft? Do they walk with any sort of limp? But this is beside the point. You remember the bathrobe bandits?","LORELAI: [feigns a gasps then returns deadpan] No.","MICHEL: The married couple from Massachusetts that stole bathrobes from the Independence Inn every time they came. We call them the bathrobe bandits. They are here.","LORELAI: Did they bring their moles?","MICHEL: With your permission, I'm going to remove their bathrobes from their room as a preventative measure.","LORELAI: No, no, Michel, come on. If they steal robes, we just charge their credit card.","MICHEL: And if they take a credenza or a couch -- do you think they'll stop at robes?","LORELAI: Then I'll start jotting down mole locations along with you, but for now, let's take a flier on them.","MICHEL: I should never tell you anything.","LORELAI: Promise?","MICHEL: I'm going to leave a vaguely threatening note in their room. [exits]","LORELAI: No, no, no, Michel. No. [to his retreating form]","[ Standing alone in the lobby, Lorelai looks thoughtful. She digs out her cell phone and calls a number. ]","CUT TO CHRISTOPHER'S APARTMENT","[ Chris sits at a desk looking over paperwork. Telephone rings. Chris stands and moves to answer the phone. ]","CHRIS: Hello.","LORELAI: [cheerily] Well, if it isn't Mr. Incommunicado.","CHRIS: Lorelai.","[scene switches between the Inn and Chris' apartment]","LORELAI: I figured you'd turned Amish or something and couldn't make any calls until Rumspringa, but, no, here you are, answering the phone.","CHRIS: [a bit uncomfortable] Uh, yeah.","LORELAI: So, how are you?","CHRIS: Uh, fine.","LORELAI: Is this a bad time?","CHRIS: No, not at all. Uh, so, what's going on?","LORELAI: Not much. Just working at the old salt mine. But earlier, I was talking to Sookie who, by the way, got herself knocked up again, the crazy slut. So anyway, we were talking about babies and stuff, and she asked me about you and G.G., And that's when I realized I hadn't talked to you in a while, so here we are.","CHRIS: Sorry I haven't called. I've just, you know, been really busy.","LORELAI: Okay, well, no worries. I know you've got your plate full taking care of G.G. [pause] Um... are you sure this isn't a bad time? [chuckles nervously]","CHRIS: No. No, it's fine. Uh, fine.","LORELAI: Okay, so, how is G.G.? Is she still alive? The last time I was there, things were a little dicey.","CHRIS: She's good. Everything's fine, Lor. Everything's good. Your help was great, and I'm absolutely... fine.","LORELAI: Okay, well, good. So, I guess I'll talk to you later.","CHRIS: [pauses between phrases] Sure. Definitely, okay? I'll talk to you later. Take care.","[Lorelai is puzzled and a bit sad]","LORELAI: Okay. Bye.","CHRIS: Listen, Lor, I just want you to know that I only called you before because I was desperate. I mean, there was no other reason. I was just panicked, and I didn't think, you know?","LORELAI: Chris, sure.","CHRIS: I know that I shouldn't have bothered you. I know you have your own life and your own stuff and I shouldn't be bugging ya, but it was just a one-time thing, you know? So, you don't have to worry about it.","LORELAI: Chris, come on. You can call me anytime you want. You know that.","CHRIS: Yeah, well --","LORELAI: I'm always here for G.G., Whatever you need. Because we got bonds, baby. Just try to break 'em.","CHRIS: Thanks, Lor.","LORELAI: No problem.","CHRIS: Anyhow, G.G.'s great. I've got new pictures, too. I can e-mail them to you, if you want.","LORELAI: Or bring her around next time you're in the hood.","CHRIS: Stars Hollow's a hood now?","LORELAI: Oh, it's always been a hood. We just try to keep it on the down-low. But seriously, you should come by.","CHRIS: Well, I'm going to be adjacent to the hood on Saturday because I'm taking G.G. to see her grandparents.","LORELAI: Come by Saturday.","CHRIS: Are you sure? I don't want to --","LORELAI: come by. We can have lunch here at the inn -- you, me, and G.G. That way, I can check she's still got all her arms and legs.","CHRIS: All right, sure. Sounds good. Uh... Saturday it is.","LORELAI: Okay. See you then.","CHRIS: Yes, you will.","LORELAI: Bye. [Beeps as she clicks off her phone.]","CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE - RICHARD'S POOL HOUSE","[Rory sits on the sofa as Richard fusses in the kitchen looking through all the cabinets. Classical music plays ]","RORY: Grandpa, it's fine.","RICHARD: No, it certainly is not fine. When you're entertaining an elegant young lady for dinner, then dinner is expected.","RORY: But I just sprang this on you. You can't be held accountable for your lack of elegant-young-lady food.","RICHARD: Well, I am delighted with your company, though I'm still a little confused at the new arrangement.","RORY: Well, Mom and I realized that we don't really get to spend as much time with you and Grandma since the separation, so we decided to split up.","RICHARD: Well, uh, how would you feel about, uh... ooh, some, uh, batteries and Nutella? [pulls them from the refrigerator shelf]","RORY: Oh, rats. I had that for lunch.","RICHARD: [puts items back and shuts door] Well, that seems to be all I have in here. Robert's shopping skills leave something to be desired.","RORY: So, grandpa --","RICHARD: Wait! I think I have some canned peaches. [goes hunting in another cabinet]","RORY: You've really made it comfortable out here.","RICHARD: Huh. Pears.","[Disappointed, Richard joins Rory and sips his drink]","RORY: Nice. Like a vacation spot. You know, fun and all yours -- not permanent, but fun for now.","RICHARD: Yes, well, fun for now is exactly what I was going for.","RORY: So, it's not permanent?","RICHARD: What?","RORY: The pool house. It's not permanent. You just said \"fun for now.\"","RICHARD: Did I? I must have heard it somewhere.","RORY: I mean, don't get me wrong. It's good to shake things up every now and then -- you know, put a little paint on the house, move the furniture around the den, go blond -- but after you've done all that, it can also be nice to go back to something that's comfortable, something you've depended on for, let's say, 40 years. I mean, if something's been around that long, it must be for a reason, right?","RICHARD: You're a lovely girl.","RORY: I have good genes.","RICHARD: Oh! I think I remember seeing a frozen pizza in here.","RORY: Really?","RICHARD: Aha! Now... the downside of this discovery is that since Robert is currently doing all the shopping, this pizza could have been here since Lorelai's 10th birthday party. The upside, however, is that there is cheese in the crust.","RORY: I've always been a \"glass is half full\" kind of gal myself.","RICHARD: All righty, then. Here goes nothing.","CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE - MAIN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM","[Lorelai sits impatiently on the love seat while Emily fusses at the bartender cart.]","EMILY: [mutters under her breath] Stupid little -- I can't find -- ridiculous. He should have taken...","LORELAI: What, Mom?","EMILY: Oh, nothing. I'm just trying to make a proper drink, that's all.","LORELAI: Sorry about the change of plans.","EMILY: Oh, please. I'm as flexible as the next person.","LORELAI: See, Rory thought that since Dad's moved out to the pool house, we're not getting enough time with either of you, so --","EMILY: I guess I could use the ice in the freezer, though it's probably old. You know what they say - a little notice ensures fresh ice.","LORELAI: I'm sorry, who says that?","EMILY: We'll just have to have scotch neat.","LORELAI: Super.","EMILY: I'd offer you wine, but all the wine I have has to breathe.","LORELAI: And that requires notice.","EMILY: [ joins Lorelai on the loveseat. Lorelai stares.]. What are you looking at?","LORELAI: Nothing. It's just -- isn't -- isn't this weird to you?","EMILY: What?","LORELAI: Sitting next to each other?","EMILY: Would you like me to move?","LORELAI: No, it's fine. It's just... close.","EMILY: Will you explain to me again why we are doing this?","LORELAI: I have no idea because you usually sit over there.","EMILY: I'm talking about Rory being in the pool house, Lorelai.","LORELAI: Rory just thought we should split up tonight, get in some quality... couch time.","EMILY: It seems very silly. We had a perfectly good system worked out. I don't know why we changed it.","LORELAI: Mmm. [pause as she sets down her drink] So, Mom, do you think you and Dad are getting back together?","EMILY: Absolutely not.","LORELAI: Okay, got any peanuts?","EMILY: Your father has proven to me once and for all he's moved on with his life.","LORELAI: You don't think the moving on with his life would have actually included moving?","EMILY: No.","LORELAI: Okay.","EMILY: We attended the Dorman School Bazaar last week. It was a big, formal gathering. All our friends were there. And at dinner, he made me reach for the butter.","LORELAI: What?","EMILY: It was sitting right there in front of him, and yet he didn't offer me the dish. He buttered his own roll, offered the dish to the man next to him, and that was it.","LORELAI: And that's why you think he's moved on?","EMILY: It was a total disregard for my needs. I might as well not have had a roll in front of me at all.","LORELAI: Well, Mom, I'm sorry.","EMILY: It's very upsetting. But at some point, you have to face the facts, and the facts are he's moved on, and therefore, I should move on also.","[Lorelai reaches for her drink in salute]","LORELAI: Absolutely. \"Moveon-dot-Org.\"","EMILY: I think it's time for me to date.","LORELAI: [chokes on her drink] Oh, my God!","EMILY: I want to go on a date.","LORELAI: With... a man?","EMILY: No, a weasel. Of course with a man!","LORELAI: [tries to cover her ear with a free hand] I'm not hearing this.","EMILY: Why shouldn't I date? I'm still a viable commodity.","LORELAI: I need a paper towel and a valium, please.","EMILY: There are plenty of men at the club who, in the past, have made their interests in me known. I just need to figure out how to reciprocate their feelings. You have a lot of experience with men. How do you let them know that you're available?","LORELAI: Well, one of those bench ads usually does the trick.","EMILY: Lorelai, stop it. I need help here. It's been years since I did this, and I don't remember the proper procedure. Now, take me through this step by step. You see a man, you walk up to him, and you say...","LORELAI: Hello.","EMILY: Is that too forward?","LORELAI: No, it's the appropriate way to indicate you're open to a social engagement. Unless, however, you are approaching a weasel. Then I believe the proper signal is just to offer him your hindquarters.","[Emily glowers]","CUT TO OUTSIDE ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - SOMETIME LATER","[Rory stands waiting as Lorelai exits the front door. Both slowly walk toward their vehicles]","RORY: Hey. My night was great.","LORELAI: Oh.","RORY: Grandpa made frozen pizza. Granted, he made it on a cedar plank, which was not what the manufacturer intended, but I got a chance to say a lot of things to him -- things about living in the pool house and about him and Grandma, and though I used veiled references, I know he got my point, and he is definitely thinking about it. How did you do?","LORELAI: Grandma wants to date.","RORY: What?!","LORELAI: She wants to date men who hang out at the club and who have expressed interest in her in the past.","RORY: What do you mean, she wants to date? You weren't supposed to make her want to date. You were supposed to make her want to get back together with Grandpa!","LORELAI: Hey, I told you not to make me have dinner alone with her.","RORY: What did you say to her?","LORELAI: I said, \"are you getting back with Dad?\" And she said he wouldn't butter her roll.","RORY: I can't believe you.","LORELAI: I'm sorry. I tried.","RORY: You did not try.","LORELAI: I did try. I just sucked at it. Look, she probably didn't mean it, okay? She's just mad at Dad, and she was just talking. Next week we'll switch. You can have dinner with my mother, and I'll marry my dad off to a nice baroness.","RORY: Don't joke.","LORELAI: Don't hate me.","RORY: I don't hate you. I can't hate the pathetic.","LORELAI: Good. Now, I have a complaint to register. Because of your flawed plan, I was deprived of Friday night with my kid.","RORY: I was trying to reunite your parents.","LORELAI: Oh, sure. Now they're my parents. So anyway, I was thinking, if you're not busy tomorrow, how about you come meet me for lunch at the Dragonfly?","RORY: What time?","LORELAI: 1:00-ish?","RORY: See you tomorrow.","LORELAI: Okay.","RORY: And stay away from Grandma.","LORELAI: Ooh, gee, there's a demand.","CUT TO DRAGONFLY INN - NEXT DAY","[Lorelai leads Christopher down the staircase]","CHRIS: I like that it's got rooms. Very novel for an inn.","LORELAI: Mmm, the guests love it when they don't have to sleep communally. They pay extra for it.","CHRIS: Good squeaky stairs, helps sell the old-inn aspect.","LORELAI: Actually, we had those squeaks installed.","CHRIS: Squeakmasters?","LORELAI: Oh, you've used them?","CHRIS: Oh, several times.","LORELAI: Reception's over there, living room's through here. Hey, you recognize the bobblehead dolls on the mantel?","CHRIS: You put those out in public?","LORELAI: Hey, they are a cherished part of my childhood. Plus, all the dirty pieces broke off 10 years ago, so now they're just charming.","CHRIS: I like the jukebox.","LORELAI: I thought you would. And here's where we feed them.","CHRIS: You feed them, too?","LORELAI: And once a day we let them use the bathroom or sit on the furniture.","CHRIS: Classy joint.","CUT TO DRAGONFLY DINING ROOM - SHORT TIME LATER","[Lorelai and Chris are seated at a table. They both look through menus as a waiter deposits a basket of home-baked bread on the table]","LORELAI: So, I'm thinking you should order the steak sandwich and the garlic bread or - [to waiter] thanks. Or fried chicken -- seriously good fried chicken. Or, yeah, get the pork chops 'cause normally, eating pork chops is very similar to sucking on the pottery barn catalog, but Sookie does this brining thing in a saltwater bourbon solution. Sounds a little like laundry, but it's actually unbelievably good. [notices Chris grinning at her] Hmm. What?","CHRIS: Nothing. Just -- you did it.","LORELAI: [confused] I...","CHRIS: You did it. [waves a hand indicating the Inn]","LORELAI: Yeah, I think I did. [leans forward onto the table becoming serious]","CHRIS: How sappy is it going to sound if I say that I'm proud of you?","LORELAI: Oh, my God. So sappy.","CHRIS: Yeah, well, I am.","LORELAI: Thanks, Chris.","CHRIS: Yeah. Okay, so, I think you were trying to talk me into the pork chop.","LORELAI: [Chuckles] Yes, I was.","[Rory enters the dining room]","RORY: Mom. Hey, I -","[She recognizes her dad also seated at the table and comes to a halt. She thinly masks her disapproval.]","LORELAI: Hey, surprise! Look what Mommy dragged in.","CHRIS: Hey, Rory.","RORY: Hey, Dad.","LORELAI: [Chuckles] You haven't said hi to your sister yet.","RORY: Oh, right. [walks around and kisses the baby's forehead] Hey, G.G. Remember me? I'm Rory.","CHRIS: I show her your picture all the time.","RORY: [mild enthusiasm] Great. Thanks.","LORELAI: Your timing's perfect. I'm starved. Have a sit. Isn't this a nice surprise?","[Uncomfortable, Rory sits and stares at her lap unwilling to meet her dad's eyes]","RORY: Uh, very nice, yes. I like to see G.G.","LORELAI: How are you doing there, uh, G.G.? That thumb tasting pretty good there? If you soak it in a saltwater bourbon solution overnight, you'll see a major improvement.","[Rob, a bellboy, enters the dining room and approaches Lorelai]","ROB: Uh, Lorelai, excuse me. There's an incident in the front you may want to check in on.","LORELAI: Okay, Rob, thanks. I'll be right back. Don't say anything hilarious while I'm gone. [Lorelai exits]","CHRIS: Rory --","RORY: One thing. I've only asked you for one thing ever.","CHRIS: This wasn't my idea.","RORY: Stop.","CHRIS: Rory, I didn't call. After you asked me not to, I didn't. Your mother called me. [ Rory scoffs ] She called me because she hadn't heard from me in a while, and the reason that she hadn't heard from me in a while is because you asked me to stay away, and I did. Please stop shaking your head.","RORY: I don't believe you.","CHRIS: She called me, Rory. She called me. She asked me to lunch.","RORY: You didn't have to accept.","CHRIS: I had absolutely no good reason to say no. What was I supposed to do, tell her that you didn't want me to see her anymore? I didn't want to rat you out. I'm sorry. Look, I didn't even know you were going to be here. This is as much a surprise to me as it is to you.","RORY: Oh I see. So, you didn't think I was going to be here, so, therefore, it makes it safe to come because maybe I wouldn't find out about it.","CHRIS: No, Rory, no. That is not how it went down. You know what? I don't have to explain myself to you. I've done absolutely nothing wrong here.","RORY: Fine.","CHRIS: Look, I'm sorry you're upset, but you know what? Your mother and I have had a relationship long before you ever existed. We grew up together, we had a child together, and no matter what is going on, that does not change.","[Their voices grow louder]","RORY: Great. You knew her first. So that gives you the right to just waltz in and screw everything up?","CHRIS: I did not waltz in. I did not call her. You cannot make me the bad guy here.","RORY: Hey, if the black hat fits --","CHRIS: I'm your father, kid, okay? I think that demands a tiny bit of respect here.","RORY: Fine.","[Lorelai re-enters the dining room and sits back in her seat. She senses the tension.]","LORELAI: See, this is why I love this job. Michel has been obsessed with these guests who he swears are the notorious Bathrobe Bandits from the Independence Inn -- at least the moles match - [both Rory and Chris listen silently] so apparently, they were checking out, and Michel stopped them and demanded they open their suitcases, and they refused, so he grabs the guy's suitcase and starts tearing through all of his stuff, which, of course, went over really well. And when I got there, the wife was calling the cops, and the husband was chasing Michel around with a golf club. It took a comped bill and two free bathrobes in addition to the ones they had stolen to get them to drop the charges. Plus, Michel ripped his pants, and his underwear is pink and shiny. [Silence. Chris smiles weakly. Lorelai chuckles nervously ] Did I not hit \"pink and shiny\" hard enough? Should it have been \"his drawers are pink and shiny\"? I'm confused 'cause I was going to hit the Orpheum circuit with that materi","[Rory continues to silently look down without speaking]","CHRIS: [uncomfortable] Nope. Uh, nothing. Look, Lor, I should be going.","LORELAI: What? No, we didn't get our briny pork chops yet.","CHRIS: I know. I just -- I really need to get to my parents' house, and G.G.'s going to need her nap soon.","LORELAI: She can nap here.","[Chris gathers the baby bag and picks up G.G. from the highchair]","CHRIS: Oh, no, it's okay. The place looks great, really, and tell Sookie I said thanks from me, and bye, Rory.","RORY: Bye.","LORELAI: Chris.","CHRIS: [OS] I'll call you later.","[Lorelai watches as he exits]","LORELAI: Okay, start connecting those dots.","RORY: Did you call him and invite him to lunch?","LORELAI: What?","RORY: Did you call him and invite him to lunch?","LORELAI: Yeah, I did.","RORY: He didn't call you?","LORELAI: No.","RORY: He didn't initiate this?","LORELAI: No.","LORELAI: Rory, what is going on? [Rory looks stunned] Huh? Answer me.","RORY: I went to see Dad.","LORELAI: When, today?","RORY: No, a while ago, right after Sherry left. I told him that I didn't want him to call you anymore.","LORELAI: Why?","RORY: Mom... come on.","LORELAI: No \"Mom, come on.\" Why? Why did you do that?","RORY: I didn't want him to screw anything up between you and Luke.","LORELAI: Oh, kid. You are so far off here. That is not going to happen.","RORY: Every time he comes back, he ends up messing up your life.","LORELAI: Not true.","RORY: It's completely true. He wants you back, and then he disappears or Sherry gets pregnant or he loses his job or he just takes off -- whatever. No good reason necessary. And it's been like this forever, and you just let him do it. You can't help it.","LORELAI: Rory, come on.","RORY: You can't just break free of him.","LORELAI: What are you talking about?","RORY: You're engaged to Max, and then suddenly, you're not.","LORELAI: Christopher had nothing to do with Max.","RORY: Who was the person you were calling from your bachelorette party?","LORELAI: I was drunk. I tried to call Abe Vigoda, too, if you remember.","RORY: You're just always waiting for him to get himself together.","LORELAI: No, no, hon. I'm not always waiting for him. There have been times when, yes, it would have been nice to actually be with the father of my kid, but... not now. I'm with Luke completely.","RORY: What did he say when you told him?","LORELAI: Told who what?","RORY: Luke. What did he say when you told him you were having lunch with Dad?","[Stunned, Lorelai exhales sharply, but recovers quickly.]","LORELAI: Nothing.","RORY: He didn't care?","LORELAI: No, he didn't care. He didn't have to care 'cause there's nothing to care about.","RORY: [somewhat unconvinced] If you say so.","LORELAI: I appreciate you being concerned for me, but don't be. I'm good.","RORY: Okay.","LORELAI: Let's order, shall we?","[SCENE_BREAK]","CUT TO STARS HOLLOW SIDEWALK","[Lorelai and Sookie are walking together.]","LORELAI: She was so serious. You know how she gets really serious, like when she saw \"The Way We Were,\" and she couldn't believe that Hubbell was going to leave Katie after she had the baby?","SOOKIE: Oh, I remember. She talked about it for weeks.","LORELAI: \"How could he do that? She was the only one who cared about the blacklisting. She was the only one who thought he could write a novel.\" On and on and on. That's the face she had on today.","SOOKIE: She's just worried about you.","LORELAI: Then when she threw that \"What did Luke say\" thing at me.","SOOKIE: She's got a good left hook.","LORELAI: I lied to my kid, Sookie. I hate that I lied to her, but I didn't want her to think there was any weird reason why I didn't tell Luke.","SOOKIE: Was there any weird reason that you didn't tell Luke?","LORELAI: Sookie, come on.","SOOKIE: I don't know. Maybe you were afraid that he'd get jealous. I'd be afraid that Jackson would get jealous.","LORELAI: I was not afraid he'd get jealous.","SOOKIE: He did beat up a car.","LORELAI: One time.","SOOKIE: That we know of.","LORELAI: No, I didn't tell him because it was no big deal. [ Sighs ] I thought it was no big deal. I should have told him, right?","SOOKIE: Well --","LORELAI: yeah, I should have told him. Now he's going to think I'm hiding something from him, and I'm not. Damn it. He's going to beat up my car.","SOOKIE: [ Chuckles ] It's American. It can take it.","[They arrive at Sookie's house - Jackson approaches them carrying a giant set of \"stage scissors\"]","JACKSON: I came home from work, and I found these on the doorstep. What the hell is this supposed to mean?","SOOKIE: Hon, maybe it's just a joke.","JACKSON: No, this is not a joke. This is a threat.","LORELAI: Yeah, those people at Butterick Patterns play pretty rough.","JACKSON: This is the fish on the doorstep. It's the horse head in the bed. It's the \"either your signature or your brains are going to be on the contract.\"","SOOKIE: Jackson, calm down.","JACKSON: I will not calm down! I told them I would not do any ribbon-cutting ceremonies.","SOOKIE: Who's \"them\"?","JACKSON: Them! The town. The lunatics who voted for me!","SOOKIE: Okay, could you put the giant scissors down and then do the waving around?","JACKSON: We have to move. Pack up. We're getting out.","SOOKIE: Okay. Or you could just ask them at the next town meeting not to leave giant scissors on our porch anymore.","JACKSON: Town meeting? Oh, no. No way. There will be no town meeting.","LORELAI: What?","SOOKIE: There's going to be lots of upset people.","LORELAI: The town meeting is a 200-year-old tradition.","JACKSON: Tradition over! Only hell waits for me at town meetings. Spread the word. [stomps back into the house]","LORELAI: That's sweet. He's having sympathy mood swings.","SOOKIE: He loves me.","[They both follow Jackson into the house]","CUT TO LUKE'S DINER","[Lorelai sits in front of an untouched plate of pie and cup of coffee. Luke bustles around the diner, pauses beside her. In a cheery mood, he leans close.]","LUKE: How are you doing? You need coffee?","LORELAI: No.","[As he returns behind the counter, he's surprised at her answer. Lorelai shifts nervously.]","LUKE: No?","LORELAI: Sure.","LUKE: Sure?","LORELAI: Yes, coffee good.","[He grabs the pot and checks her cup.]","LUKE: Your cup's full.","LORELAI: Oh, well, then, no. No. Coffee bad.","[ Both chuckle. Luke begins wiping down the counter. ]","LORELAI: Hey, did I tell you about the Bathrobe Bandits?","LUKE: Nope.","[He continues industriously wiping down the counter]","LORELAI: Uh, well, very funny story. Back at the Independence Inn, there was this couple, and they would come in all the time and steal the bathrobes. They made Michel crazy, so today -","LUKE: Up. [indicates her plate and coffee]","LORELAI: [lifts the plate] Oh, right. And today, they showed up.","[Luke wipes counter under her plate while holding her cup.]","LUKE: Who?","LORELAI: The bathrobe bandits - they showed up, and they stayed, and then they were checking out and then get this -- the bellboy comes running over and tells me to \"come quick. There's a situation in the lobby.\" So I come running to the lobby --","LUKE: You can put your plate down.","LORELAI: Right. So, I run to the lobby, and Michel is being chased, and the wife is calling the cops, and I comped their room and gave them free bathrobes to stop the yelling and the calling. This is a very bad story.","LUKE: It wasn't that bad.","LORELAI: This is the second time I told it, and both times, crickets. [ Sighs and takes a sip of coffee ] I mean, Rory and Christopher looked at me like I was Pauly Shore.","LUKE: Christopher?","LORELAI: Rory's dad. He came for lunch today. I had lunch with him today, and Rory. Had lunch -- Rory and Christopher and G.G., His daughter with Sherry. He brought her 'cause Sherry moved to France, so he's a full-time dad now, and we all had lunch, all of us together... today. And when I told the \"Bathrobe Bandit\" story, they all acted like that. Except G.G., who spit up 'cause she's a baby. That's what they do.","LUKE: Okay. [turns and walks into the kitchen]","LORELAI: [ Sighs with relief ] Okay.","[ Cell phone rings and Lorelai clears her throat as she stands to walk outside to answer ]","LORELAI: Hello.","EMILY: [OS] You get over here right now!","CUT TO EXTERIOR OF LUKE'S DINER","LORELAI: Who is this?","EMILY: [OS] This is you in 20 years! \"Who is this?\" I swear!","LORELAI: Mom, calm down.","CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE - EMILY'S DRESSING ROOM","[Emily frantically rushes around the room in her satin robe and slip. She holds up a hangered dress to herself and looks in a full length cheval mirror.]","EMILY: He'll be here in one hour, and I have no idea what to wear. You've got to come right now.","[scene switches between locations]","LORELAI: Who'll be there in one hour -- Dad?","EMILY: Simon McLane.","LORELAI: Who is Simon McLane?","EMILY: He's my date.","LORELAI: What?!","EMILY: I have no idea what to put on, I'm in a blind panic, and it's all your fault!","LORELAI: How is it my fault?","EMILY: Because I used your line, and it worked.","LORELAI: What line?","EMILY: [OS] \"Hello.\"","LORELAI: \"Hello\" is not my line. \"Hello\" is not a line. \"Hello\" is hello.","EMILY: Well, all I know is I \"helloed\" him today, and now he's taking me to dinner.","LORELAI: [OS] Uh, Mom...","EMILY: If you don't get over here right now, I'm going to book a D.A.R. function at the Dragonfly every single weekend from now until I die!","LORELAI: I'll be right there.","[ Beeps the phone off and hurries away ]","CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE - EMILY'S DRESSING ROOM","[Lorelai enters to a room with clothes and jewelry strewn everywhere]","LORELAI: Mom? Are you -- [A bunched-up dress flies past her face onto a nearby bed] oh, God! Chanel attack.","EMILY: [OS] Look at the red pantsuit.","LORELAI: The... [looks around]","[Emily enters carrying two outfits. ]","EMILY: [frantically] The red pantsuit. The red pantsuit. Right there, right there, right there. [indicated with one of her laden arms]","LORELAI: I got it, I got it. [picks up the outfit] Here.","EMILY: Well?","LORELAI: Nice.","EMILY: Nice?","LORELAI: It's nice and red and panty-suity.","EMILY: It's horrible. He'll think it's horrible.","LORELAI: No.","EMILY: It's horrible. Simon will be here in 20 minutes, and I have nothing to wear. [tosses both garments she's carrying onto the bed]","LORELAI: Just tell him you're obsessed with \"Butterfield 8\" and go like that.","[Emily picks up another garment - dark colored - from the bed post and walks to the nearby dressing room door, picking up a second dark burgundy garment.]","EMILY: I haven't done this in years. I have no idea what's appropriate to wear. I have no idea what's appropriate to say. I don't know what to talk about, what to order -- which one?","LORELAI: [ Chuckles ] They look exactly the same.","EMILY: They are not exactly the same.","LORELAI: Um, okay. Then... that one.","EMILY: Why?","LORELAI: Why what?","EMILY: [cross] Why did you pick that one? What was the logic behind your picking this particular one? Could it possibly be because it was closest?","LORELAI: [smiles brightly] Well, you know what they say about location.","EMILY: You're just picking anything so that I'll get dressed and you can leave.","[Emily shoves both garments into Lorelai's arms and walks back toward the bed. She searches frantically through a jewelry box]","LORELAI: No, Mom, I don't want to leave. I'm never leaving. In fact, I'm going with you.","EMILY: I'll never be ready on time. [ Panting ] I haven't finished my hair. I haven't finished my makeup. Oh, my goodness. I can't breathe. I'm actually having trouble breathing.","LORELAI: Mom, sit.","EMILY: I can't sit. I'll wrinkle my clothes.","LORELAI: You're not dressed yet.","EMILY: What? Oh, my God. I'm losing my mind. [they both sit on the edge of the bed] I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm dating. I'm single.","LORELAI: You're not single.","EMILY: [despondent] That's just a formality. You know, I remember the night I got married. Oh, I was panicked. I thought, \"this is it. I'll never have a chance to be with anyone else. This is it for life.\" If only I'd had a crystal ball, I might have been able to eat my salad. I remember it looked delicious.","LORELAI: Mom, is this really what you want to do?","[Emily looks back at Lorelai with a serious expression]","EMILY: Yes, it is.","LORELAI: Okay. [ Sighs ] Wear the black.","[Lorelai holds out one of the gowns. Emily takes it gratefully]","EMILY: Thank you.","LORELAI: Mm-hmm.","[And in mid-step toward the dressing room...]","EMILY: What about the -","LORELAI: [without hesitation] - the burgundy works fine, too.","[They exchange outfits and Emily disappears into the dressing room while Lorelai smiles smugly.]","CUT TO STARS HOLLOW STREETS - EVENING.","[Jackson's vintage truck pulls around a corner as it drives down the street. Miss Patty waves her hands frantically from the sidewalk flagging down the truck.]","MISS PATTY: Jackson! Jackson, stop! Oh, Jackson! [the truck stops. She approaches the window] Oh, thank God. I'm frantic!","JACKSON: What's the matter?","MISS PATTY: My accompanist just passed out. [pointing toward her studio]","JACKSON: She what?","MISS PATTY: She was playing the tarantella, and then suddenly, she stopped and fell off the stool. Come on! [pulls open his door]","JACKSON: [concerned as he gets out] Well, is she breathing?","MISS PATTY: I don't know.","JACKSON: Did you -- did you check her pulse?","MISS PATTY: No. What a good idea. Oh, you're such a smart man. [grabs his hand and pulls him toward the dark building]","JACKSON: Well, thank you.","MISS PATTY: A little faster, honey. The poor woman is just lying there.","[Patty pulls aside the door and they enter the dark room]","JACKSON: Well, maybe we should call 9-1-1.","MISS PATTY: She's right over there in the corner.","JACKSON: Why is it so dark in here?","[The light switches on to reveal a room full of town's people. Indistinct conversation. Jackson quickly turns to the door. Kirk slides the door shut and bars the exit. Jackson swings around to face Miss Patty. She holds the gavel in front of him determinedly.]","MISS PATTY: The town meeting is now in session.","[Defeated, Jackson takes the gavel. He glances back to see Kirk making menacing gestures as if using giant scissors.]","CUT TO OUTSIDE THE FRONT OF T.J.'S HOUSE - SAME NIGHT","[A work bench is set up with tools, pipes and thermos and cups. Luke busies himself cutting a pipe on one side of the bench, while on the other T.J. waves a pipe-cutting tool at Luke.]","T.J.: You know, we work pretty good together.","LUKE: I guess.","[T.J. pours himself a cup of coffee.]","T.J.: No \"guess.\" We do. We got, like, a rhythm, a groove thing. We can survive in the woods together, start a new civilization, if need be.","LUKE: I think you'd need a woman for that.","T.J.: Oh, right. Okay, maybe Liz could come, except we couldn't share her 'cause she's your sister, and that's a bad way to start a new civilization.","LUKE: How about you and Liz go start a new civilization? I'll stay here in this one.","T.J.: No, come on. We could solve this. Okay, Lorelai could come. And now her, we could share.","LUKE: Okay, no more new-civilization talk.","T.J.: Okay by me.","LUKE: Hey, T.J.","T.J.: Yes, Luke.","LUKE: Do you consider yourself a jealous man?","T.J.: Why, are you planning on cutting some pipe with another guy tomorrow?","LUKE: Never mind.","T.J.: I'm sorry. You were asking me if I consider myself a jealous man. I don't, and let me tell you why. Jealousy is bad. Jealousy is what landed me in jail... twice. I learned quickly that without an immediate influx of cash, I could no longer afford to be a jealous man. Supply and demand, my friend.","LUKE: So, you're saying if Liz had lunch with... an ex, it's no big deal, right?","T.J.: Right.","LUKE: Right. I mean, it's an old ex, a long time ago, ancient history. But if she had lunch, and she didn't tell you about it at the time, but eventually she did tell you, you should just let it go, right? I mean, you don't want to be reading anything into anything. You just make yourself crazy and her crazy, and then everybody's crazy, right?","T.J.: [angrily] Who the hell is Liz having lunch with?!","LUKE: What? What? No one.","T.J.: You just said she had lunch with an ex!","LUKE: Come on, T.J.!","T.J.: Was it Art?","LUKE: No, its not..","T.J.: I swear to God, if it's Art, I'm going to -- I told him never to come sniffing around her again!","[T.J. storms off. Luke yells after him.]","LUKE: Hey, T.J.! Hey, it wasn't Art!","CUT TO ELEGANT RESTAURANT - OUTSIDE PATIO - SAME EVENING","[Emily and a well-dressed gentleman, Simon McLane, are seated at a small, intimately lit table. It seems to be at the end of the meal. Soft music plays in the background.]","EMILY: I have to tell you, every time I hear Mahler's Seventh Symphony, I get ridiculous, giddy. It's like The Beatles on \"The Ed Sullivan Show.\"","SIMON: Well, Mahler can do that to you.","EMILY: Did you see the Cleveland Orchestra when they were here last month?","SIMON: I went every single night.","EMILY: Oh, I should have done that. I went the last night and then to the gala afterward.","SIMON: Their conductor that night --","EMILY: Rudolfski.","SIMON: Did you know that he's deaf in his left ear?","EMILY: I did know that. [conspiratorially] In fact, I have a very evil friend who likes to sit next to him at all the gala dinners and whisper incredibly scandalous things into his bad ear all night long.","SIMON: Well, who knew Emily Gilmore ran with such a bad crowd?","EMILY: Oh, yes, I'm very dangerous. Ask my maids.","SIMON: Have I told you how happy I am you said hello to me at the club?","EMILY: Twice. And so am I.","[A waiter appears at the table]","WAITER: How are we doing here?","SIMON: We're doing fine.","WAITER: Would you like some more wine?","[Simon looks inquiringly to Emily. After a pause, she nods]","EMILY: Why not?","CUT TO LORELAI'S FRONT DRIVEWAY - SAME EVENING","[Luke's truck pulls to a stop. Luke turns off the truck and turns to Lorelai.]","LORELAI: Okay, so, you know what's great about this country?","LUKE: Nope.","LORELAI: If you try hard enough, you can eventually find a showing of \"St. Elmo's Fire\" on the big screen.","[Luke smiles]","LUKE: Yes, that's what gets us the good seats at the Summits.","[Luke exits the truck to walk around to her side]","LORELAI: Come on, admit it. Rob Lowe pretending to play the saxophone was incredibly hot.","[Luke opens her door]","LUKE: [dryly] Oh, I admit it.","LORELAI: And also, Andrew McCarthy at his best. Though \"Less Than Zero\" runs a very close second.","[They both walk to her porch]","LUKE: I'm sure it does.","LORELAI: You hated the movie.","[They both laugh]","LUKE: Yes. Although I love the fact that it got me out of a town meeting, so all in all, a very successful evening.","[He pulls her close, very close. They kiss. Lorelai draws her hand up to his shoulder and deepens the kiss. She breaks the kiss.]","LORELAI: You sure you can't stay?","LUKE: [ Sighs with frustration ] I've got really early deliveries tomorrow. I'll make it up to you this weekend.","[He squeezes her repeatedly in his embrace.]","LORELAI: I'm going to hold you to that, Mister.","[They kiss again. Repeatedly. Lorelai slips from his embrace and walks toward her door, gazing back with a twinkle in her eye. Luke reluctantly steps down from the landing.]","LUKE: Oh, by the way... it's fine about lunch.","LORELAI: What?","LUKE: You having lunch with Christopher -- I just want you to know I'm fine with it.","LORELAI: Oh, okay. Good.","LUKE: Yep, all right. See you tomorrow.","[ Truck door opens, then closes. Truck engine starts up. Lorelai stares a moment, mystified. She glances at her keys before letting herself inside.]","CUT TO RORY'S DORM - COMMON ROOM - THAT SAME NIGHT","[Paris is seated at the sofa. Many containers of take-out\/delivery food lay strewn over the coffee table before her. Rory enters from her bedroom to gather up some books on the table]","RORY: Breaking your fast?","PARIS: [mouth-full of food] Oh, my God. I love food. You want some?","[ Knock on door ]","RORY: I'm good.","[Paris jumps to her feet and shoves Rory out of her way toward the front door.]","PARIS: It's for me.","[Rory, reacts slapstick style, landing in a nearby cushioned chair. The door opens.]","MAN: [OS] Pizza. $34.95","[Rory picks herself up and walks to the door]","RORY: Need some money?","PARIS: Oh, I got it. Do you want to have some? There's plenty. [She takes two pizza boxes from a delivery man.]","RORY: No, thanks. I'm going to Marty's.","PARIS: Okay. [She runs back to the table and the door closes. She eagerly flips open the first boxes lid. ] Well, where's the cheesy bread? I ordered the cheesy bread.","CUT TO MARTY'S DORM - HIS BEDROOM","[Rory is laying on the bed quizzing Marty on their studies. Marty is seated at the foot of the bed struggling with the topic.]","MARTY: Okay, I remember something about Rome. Rome. Rome. Romans lived there. Uh, Audrey Hepburn took a holiday there. It's the name of a \"B-52's\" song.","RORY: Different \"roam.\"","MARTY: [Sighs] Okay, that's it. I can't remember. College is breaking my spirit. Every single day telling me things I don't know -- it's making me feel stupid.","RORY: Oh, okay, I need a break. [Closes her workbook and leans back]","MARTY: I second that.","RORY: Oh, man, I'm tired. Living is exhausting. This week sucked. I'm so glad it's over.","MARTY: Why did it suck?","RORY: Just a ton of schoolwork and Ramadan.","MARTY: Oh, sure.","RORY: I broke up with my boyfriend this week -- that was fun -- [Marty watches Rory with concern] in front of a bunch of people at my grandmother's house. And then, because apparently that wasn't enough \"Peyton Place\" for me, I have this whole thing going with my dad, who's suddenly back in my life again.","MARTY: Yeah, dads can be tough.","RORY: I spent so many years just -- I couldn't wait till he showed up. And now he's showing up, and... I don't know. I'm just really tired. [lays down her head]","MARTY: You know... once I found out my father wasn't really my father... we started getting along much better.","RORY: Stop it. [Chuckles sleepily]","MARTY: I'm serious. Suddenly the pressure was off. If something happens, I don't automatically have to give him a kidney. I can weigh my options. It was a real turning point in our relationship. [long pause] So, you broke up with your boyfriend, huh? Rory? [ He looks over to see her sleeping peacefully. He crosses his arms over a pillow and sighs with frustration. ]","CUT TO LORELAI'S RESIDENCE","[Lorelai emerges from the kitchen, switching off the light. Carrying a bowl of popcorn she sits on a living room chair, picks up and contemplates a DVD to watch. Telephone rings, answering machine beeps. ]","LORELAI'S MACHINE: I'm exhausted. The phone's far. Make it short and sweet. [Beeps]","CHRISTOPHER'S VOICE: Hey, Lor, it's me. Are you there? [pause] Okay, well, I'm just calling 'cause lunch ended bad, and I'm sure you've talked to Rory by now, so you know why it ended bad, and I just wanted to talk. [Lorelai approaches but stops herself from answering the call] Give me a call when you get in. I'll be up late. Okay, bye. [ Answering machine beeps off ]","[Lorelai stands a moment. She switches off the desk lamp, and begins walking up the staircase.]","CUT TO THE ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE - OUTSIDE","[Simon closes Emily's door and they slowly walk toward the front door.]","SIMON: It's been a long time since I've had an evening quite as enjoyable as this one.","[She stops and turns to him]","EMILY: I'm choosing to believe you, Simon, partly because it's flattering and partly because I've had three glasses of wine and a lemon cello.","[ Both chuckle. Emily continues to the front door. ]","SIMON: So, do you think we could possibly do this again sometime?","EMILY: That would be lovely, Simon.","SIMON: I'll call you this week. Good night. [He grasps and squeezes her hand warmly]","[ Emily enters the house and closes the door, a bare trace of a smile on her face. The sound of a car engine turns over outside. She looks around. Camera angle changes to show her looking around a large empty house. Her faint smile transforms to sadness. Her hand covers her face as she breaks down and cries. ]"],"Show Title":"Gilmore Girls","Episode Number":"05x09","Episode Title":"Emily Says Hello","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Gilmore_Girls_05x13.json","Recap":["Emily and Richard renew their vows in front of their closest friends with Lorelai as Emily's Maid of Honor, and Rory as Richard's Best Man. Luke gets in a fight with Christopher over Lorelai. Logan comes to the ceremony with a girl that looks like his girlfriend, and Rory gets jealous. Rory confronts Logan and Logan and Rory go a level up from flirting."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","LUKE'S DINER","[Luke is on the phone.]","LUKE: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You don't? Well, when are you going to get it in? Fine. Two boxes of annular thread silicon pronged boat pads. [Lorelai enters.] A band saw. A wood rack, and a jack plane. Yeah, I'll hold.","[Lorelai waves. Luke grunts.]","LORELAI: Eh? Apparently now we've been married for forty years?","LUKE: Sorry. This stupid boat supply place does everything but actually supply anything.","LORELAI: Oh, catalogues. I love catalogues.","LUKE: It's boating parts. Yes, yes, I'm here! [Pause.] None of them. Man, you must have a lot of room in that place of yours. Yeah, sure. Backorder it. What the hell.","LORELAI: Oh! Look at these boots!","LUKE: Let's try twenty C-clamps, five inches or larger. A box of quarter inch teak buns, marine caulk.","LORELAI: And the boots. Get the boots.","LUKE: Yeah, go check. I'll hold. [To Lorelai] What are you babbling about?","LORELAI: I want these boots.","LUKE: Those are work boots.","LORELAI: They're yellow and cute. I'll look like the Morton's Salt girl.","LUKE: How the hell did you find something to buy in my boat supply catalogue?","LORELAI: Size nine, please?","LUKE: Yes, I'm here. None of them? Well, at least you're consistent. Okay, backorder all of them. Yes, the C-clamps, the teak buns, the marine caulk - [rolls his eyes at Lorelai, who is kissing the boots in the catalogue.] - and one pair of fisherman's boots, size nine. [Lorelai raises a fist in victory.] Of course, those you have. Okay. Send them right along. Uh-huh. [He hangs up the phone.] They'll be here Tuesday.","LORELAI: Aw, you didn't have to do that.","LUKE: Hey, is it okay if I come over tonight and work on the boat a little?","LORELAI: With what? Sheer masculinity and some imaginary sandpaper?","LUKE: I have plenty to do until the backorder stuff gets here.","LORELAI: All right. I thought you were going to spend the evening trying to figure out how to fling yourself down the stairs just hard enough that you won't have to go to my parents' thing tomorrow, but not so hard that you actually die.","LUKE: No, I thought instead that I'd try to find a wild boar to maul me just enough that I'll need medical attention so I won't be able to go to your parents' thing tomorrow, but after some stitches and a transfusion, I'll still be able to make you coffee.","LORELAI: Oh, much better plan.","LUKE: I've started to run the rigging. I just wanted to get a little further on it.","LORELAI: Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Rory's spending the night. We're having a Cop Rock marathon.","LUKE: Okay. Here's your donuts.","LORELAI: Thank you.","LUKE: And your coffee.","LORELAI: Thank you.","LUKE: And my final plea to not make me go to this thing tomorrow.","LORELAI: [Pause.] You do not have to go.","LUKE: Fine. I'll go.","LORELAI: I love it when I break you with just the sheer anticipation of a wear-down!","LUKE: Hold on, did you say Cop Rock marathon?","LORELAI: Yeah, I got 'em all on tape. [Pause.] Trying to figure out what you see in me?","LUKE: Yep.","LORELAI: Wait'll you see me in the boots.","[She exits.]","OPENING CREDITS","LORELAI'S HOUSE - KITCHEN","[Rory and Lorelai are preparing a feast of frozen waffles, pop tarts and similar food. Rory's laptop is set up at the table and she is burning CD's as they \"cook\".]","LORELAI: Okay, I know I was the one that said I was craving mashed potatoes, but, oh my God, they're a lot of work.","RORY: It's instant mashed potatoes. Key word: instant.","LORELAI: Oh, no, not instant. I have to mix water and butter into it, not to mention the adding of salt and pepper.","RORY: OK The Best of Super Furry Animals complete.","LORELAI: Oh! Plus I have to rip the package open, dump it into a bowl and, oh my God, are they serious? I have to stir the mixture to combine? What is this, the Gulag?","RORY: Hey, do you want the Arcade Fire?","LORELAI: I don't know, do I?","RORY: Yes.","LORELAI: Then yes. So basically once I'm finished with all this manual labor, I still have to clean the bowl.","RORY: And the spoon.","LORELAI: What do I use the spoon for?","RORY: Stir to combine.","LORELAI [Waves her hand around in the bowl.]: Pfft. Right. What do I use the spoon for?","RORY: Oh, my mistake. Carry on.","LORELAI: So let's cut to the chase. How badly do you want these mashed potatoes?","RORY: You wanted the mashed potatoes.","LORELAI: 'Cause with tater tots I can just rip and dump.","RORY: Then stick with your strengths. Brain Master Eno coming up next.","[There is a knock at the back door.]","LORELAI: Who is it?","LUKE [OS]: It's me.","LORELAI: Me who?","LUKE [OS]: Rory, can you just open the door? [She does.] Do you have an extension cord I can use?","RORY: I'll go look.","[Rory exits.]","LORELAI: Hi! Come on in.","LUKE: No, that's all right. I don't want to disturb you guys.","LORELAI: Oh, you're not disturbing us.","LUKE: Well, I'm dirty.","LORELAI: Well, so's the house.","LUKE: And if I come in there I'll see what you guys are planning on eating and I'll want to kill myself.","LORELAI: It just so happens I am making a garden spring salad with three bitter lettuces and a breaded French country chicken.","LUKE [Sarcastic]: Really, you are?","LORELAI: No. So how's the boat coming?","LUKE: Slow.","LORELAI: Oh, well, you should've built a motorboat.","RORY [returning]: Extension cord.","LUKE: Thank you. I'll let you get back to taking five years off your life.","LORELAI: Meh. They were the five where I would've been wearing fuschia lipstick way beyond my lip line, so I wouldn't want 'em anyhow.","[They kiss.]","LUKE: See you tomorrow.","LORELAI: Ten-thirty sharp.","[Luke leaves. Lorelai puts the tater tots in the oven.]","LORELAI: Okay. First course ready?","RORY: Ready!","LORELAI: Let's Cop Rock.","[They head for the living room. The phone rings. Lorelai answers it.]","LORELAI: Hello?","EMILY: I picked up my dress from the dressmaker and it's a disaster.","LORELAI: What?","EMILY: I got it home and it's falling apart. I need you to fix it.","LORELAI: Uh, but -","EMILY: I'm coming over.","LORELAI: No, Mom, I -","EMILY: Yes, I need you to fix this.","LORELAI: I'm not the woman who made it. Make her fix it.","EMILY: When a woman gives birth to a crack baby you do not buy her a puppy.","LORELAI: What does that mean?","EMILY: I want this dress to be perfect for tomorrow, Lorelai.","LORELAI: Yes, Mom, but -","EMILY: It's the most important day of my life, Lorelai!","LORELAI: It's not even the most important day of your marriage!","EMILY: I'll be there in half an hour, Lorelai. [She hangs up.]","LORELAI: No. Hello? Mom? But - [She hangs up.] She's coming over.","RORY: Why?","LORELAI: Because she won't buy her seamstress a puppy.","RORY: Oh, sure.","LORELAI: Something about her dress. Crap, what are we going to do?","RORY: I don't know!","LORELAI: We can't eat all of this before she gets here.","RORY: Most of it.","LORELAI: Sure, most of it.","RORY: But not the tater tots or the pizza tower.","LORELAI: Okay, we'll have to do the evening in two parts. We'll watch one Cop Rock, eat this stuff here, she'll come over, I'll get her dress done as fast as I can, then we'll continue with our evening.","RORY: Maybe we should put it off.","LORELAI: She comes, I fix, she goes, we Rock. Now eat.","RORY: Hmm. [She reaches for a pop-tart.]","LATER - OUTSIDE LORELAI'S HOUSE","[Luke is sanding the boat in the garage. Emily drives up. She notices him there, and walks up to Luke. When he notices her behind him, he is surprised and drops the sander, still running, on the ground. He struggles to turn it off.]","LUKE: Oh! Hi, Emily. I just - I didn't see you standing there. I'm just working on my boat.","EMILY: You're building a boat?","LUKE: Yes.","EMILY: Does it float?","LUKE: Not yet.","EMILY: Aren't boats supposed to?","LUKE: Eventually, yes.","EMILY: Well, at least you have a hobby.","LUKE: Yes. Thank God for that, huh?","EMILY: Idle hands, and whatnot.","LUKE: It will float eventually.","EMILY: Oh, I'm sure it will.","LUKE: I just have to do a little more -","EMILY: Well, I should get inside.","LUKE: Yeah, it's nice seeing you again.","EMILY: Yes.","LUKE: Oh! Uh, congratulations.","EMILY: For what?","LUKE: You know, your thing tomorrow, renewing your vows.","EMILY: You congratulate the groom. You offer the bride best wishes.","LUKE: Oh. [Pause.] Uh, best wishes.","EMILY: Why, thank you, Luke. How sweet of you to say. I'll see you tomorrow.","LUKE: Hey, I'm looking forward to it.","[Emily frowns a little, then walks toward the house.]","LORELAI'S HOUSE - INSIDE","[Emily knocks on the door. Lorelai answers it.]","LORELAI: Mom, great. Come on in. Okay, so, is that the dress?","EMILY: Yes, yes -","LORELAI: Okay, well, let me take a look here.","RORY: Hi, Grandma. Big day tomorrow, huh?","EMILY: That wasn't your dinner, was it?","RORY: No, that was just the appetizer.","EMILY: Oh, well that's a relief.","LORELAI: Mom, I don't see anything wrong.","EMILY: Lorelai, are you blind? Look!","LORELAI: Where?","EMILY: Right there. [She points.] That bead and that bead and that bead, all loose.","LORELAI: Okay, I see it now. I don't know how I missed it. Well, this is going to take me no time at all, five minutes tops.","EMILY: Well, don't rush it.","LORELAI: No, no, no rush. It's an easy job. Three and a half minutes and you're on you're way. You don't even need to sit down, because by the time you do, this'll be done. In fact you should have just left the car running 'cause that's how quick this is going to be. [She bolts up the stairs.]","RORY: So how you holding up, Grandma?","EMILY: I'm a wreck, actually.","RORY: Why?","EMILY: Well -","LORELAI [From upstairs]: Two minutes and we're done!","EMILY: I still can't decide exactly what to do with my hair, and I have absolutely zero faith that my wedding planner is going to be able to pull this off -","LORELAI [returning with her sewing things]: Thirty seconds - someone clock me. [To Emily, who is taking off her coat.] What are you doing?","EMILY: Do you have anything to drink?","LORELAI: No, no, Mom, why are you taking off your coat?","EMILY: Some wine, or some chilled vodka, perhaps?","LORELAI: Yeah, but you might want to hold off on having a drink, Mom, 'cause you're going to be driving in two shakes of a lamb's tail.","EMILY: Well, I could use a little something. Calm my nerves about this wedding planner I hired.","LORELAI: I'm sure everything's going to be fine.","EMILY: I don't see how it can be, everything is so last minute, and I didn't even get a decent rehearsal!","LORELAI: Mom, I promise you, I have successfully walked in a straight line at least once before. I can get you the cop's name if you want to talk to him.","EMILY: Oh, well, it's too late to do anything about it now. [She gets up to go into the kitchen.]","LORELAI: No, no, Mom. Wait, I'm almost there, I'm almost there! I'm done, I'm done, I'm done!","[The phone rings.]","LORELAI: Stop her from getting a drink.","RORY: How?","LORELAI: Show her Nick Nolte's mug shot. [Answering the phone.] Hello?","[Scene cuts between Lorelai's living room and Richard's study, where there is a group of men smoking cigars and playing cards in the background.]","RICHARD: Lorelai! How are you?","LORELAI: I'm fine, Dad, how are you?","RICHARD: Oh, don't you worry about me. I am in good hands. Isn't that right, boys?","MAN: Right!","LORELAI: Geez, Dad, hanging out at the bath house again?","RICHARD: I am at my bachelor party, Lorelai, and I just thought I'd call and see how your little gathering was going.","LORELAI: My -","RICHARD: Now, I want you to have a wonderful time, and go as crazy as you think is necessary. But make sure your mother doesn't mix her alcohol. Sometimes when she has a little bit too much vodka, she forgets and she goes on to gin. I need her sober and looking beautiful for tomorrow.","MAN: Otherwise you don't have to go through with it. [They laugh.]","LORELAI: So, Dad, Mom told you we were having a party?","RICHARD: Well, she told me she was heading over to your house this evening to spend a little time with \"the girls\", so I put it all together. I'm a very brilliant man, Lorelai. Anyhow, I won't keep you any longer. Just return your mother in one piece, sans tattoos, please.","LORELAI: Okay. Will do.","RICHARD: Have a scandalous time. I'll see you girls tomorrow.","[They hang up.]","LORELAI: Okay, so here's a fun twist for your viewing pleasure. My father thinks my mother is here for her bachelorette party.","RORY: What? Why does he think that?","LORELAI: I think she told him that.","RORY: Oops.","LORELAI: Ah, were we supposed to throw her a bachelorette party?","RORY: I don't know. You're the maid of honor. Aren't you supposed to plan these things?","LORELAI: I didn't think you had a bachelorette party when you hadn't been a bachelorette for forty years. Oh my God, she is going to hold this against me for the rest of my life.","RORY: So what do we do?","[Lorelai sighs and looks in the direction of the kitchen.]","LATER - INSIDE LORELAI'S HOUSE","[The doorbell rings. Lorelai answers it. Sookie is standing outside, holding a dish and leaning her head against the doorframe.]","SOOKIE: Davey had just fallen asleep.","LORELAI: I know, I'm sorry. Thank you for coming over at the last minute. Is that -","SOOKIE: Potstickers.","LORELAI: Ah, I love you.","RORY [Walking by, in the hall]: Hi, Sookie!","SOOKIE: Mmhmm.","LORELAI: Go on in the living room.","SOOKIE: Okay. [She starts walking out the door.]","LORELAI [Turning her around]: The other living room.","SOOKIE: Okay.","LORELAI: You're going to have to open your eyes now.","SOOKIE [entering the living room]: Okay.","[Gypsy arrives at the front door.]","GYPSY: Hey, Lorelai.","LORELAI: Hey, Gypsy. Thanks for coming on such short notice.","GYPSY: I'm always up for a good party.","LORELAI: Emily is in the living room with the others.","GYPSY: Great. Who's Emily?","LORELAI: Follow me, I'll point her out.","GYPSY: Okie dokie.","[They enter the living room. Emily is laughing on the couch with Patty and Babette, drinking from plastic cups.]","LORELAI: Look, everyone, it's Gypsy!","EMILY [drunk]: Gypsy! Gypsy's here! Everyone, Gypsy's here!","LORELAI: Gypsy, that's Emily.","EMILY: Come on, Gypsy, come over here and sit by me.","GYPSY: Okay.","[Babette moves. Gypsy sits next to Emily.]","EMILY: I have to say, Lorelai, I am loving this drink. Have you ever had one of these, Gypsy?","GYPSY: I don't know.","EMILY: It's called a rum and coke.","BABETTE: You know, you may look high-brow, Emily, but underneath, you're just a broad.","[Rory walks in with a plate of tater tots.]","EMILY: Did you hear that, Gypsy, I'm a broad.","GYPSY: Yeah, I always suspected.","RORY [To Lane and Kyon, sitting quietly]: How's it going?","LANE: Great.","KYON: What are we doing here?","LANE: I tried to explain it to her, but it's not working.","RORY: We are throwing my grandmother a bachelorette party.","KYON: But she is married.","RORY: Yeah, but they're doing it again.","KYON: But why?","RORY: Because they want to tell each other that they love each other all over again.","KYON: But why?","RORY: Because they do.","KYON: But why?","RORY: Because it's fun.","KYON: But why?","RORY: Because - [She looks at Lane.]","LANE: Hey, you lasted one more 'But why' than I did.","PATTY: So, Emily, tell us about this party of yours tomorrow.","EMILY: It's going to be fabulous. Isn't it, Lorelai?","LORELAI: Ab fab, sweetie darling.","EMILY: Isn't she hilarious? I never have any idea what she's talking about, but she's so entertaining! Like a chimp. Isn't she like a chimp, Gypsy?","GYPSY: Please make your mother stop talking to me.","LORELAI: If only I had that power.","EMILY: The party is going to be very, very big. Flowers everywhere, and my dress is incredible. The woman who made it is a genius.","[Lorelai and Rory exchange a look.]","BABETTE: So where's it going to be?","EMILY: The Windsor Club.","SOOKIE: Ooh, fancy.","BABETTE: Well, that ain't no toilet bowl.","EMILY: No, it certainly is not. It is the perfect place to have my perfect wedding. And what I had to go through to get it, let me tell you. [She goes to take a sip of her drink.] Lorelai, the cup's empty!","[Lorelai gets up immediately to refill her drink.]","EMILY: It was booked up two years in advance, and the Sheldrakes had the Rose Room. They were having a retirement party or something like that, [Lorelai pours extra rum in Emily's cup] and they simply refused to let us have the room. They were stubborn, and selfish, and now, after all the strings I pulled, they are across town at the Bluestone Club, with their piped-in music and their pornographic fountains.","[Emily and Patty laugh.]","PATTY:","EMILY: I must say this is the best bachelorette party I ever had.","SOOKIE: I really feel like we should play games or something, or have naughty gifts like edible underwear or dirty-shaped pasta.","LORELAI: Yeah, too bad - oh, oh! [She gets up.] Just a sec.","EMILY: Where is she going? Gypsy, where is she going?","[Gypsy looks uncomfortable.]","LORELAI: Aha!","SOOKIE: What are you doing?","RORY: No way!","SOOKIE: Where did you get that?","LORELAI: You gave it to me.","SOOKIE: Oh, yeah. [She giggles.]","LORELAI [handing Emily the box of pasta]: Mom, for you on your special night.","EMILY [taking it]: What's this? Oh my God! Oh my God!","[She laughs, along with Patty and Gypsy.]","KYON: What are they laughing at?","LANE [picks up a plate]: Have a tater tot, Kyon.","LORELAI'S HOUSE - MUCH, MUCH LATER","[Rory is cleaning up dishes in the living room. Babette is passed out on the chair. Lorelai tiptoes down the stairs.]","LORELAI: My mother is fast asleep in my bed, clutching my Hello Kitty pillow, and yes, I have pictures!","RORY: I cannot believe how much rum Grandma drank tonight.","LORELAI: How much rum she drank? [She opens up a purse.]","RORY: Hey, that's Grandma's bag. [Lorelai pulls out a book.] What are you doing?","LORELAI: I have no idea, I am drunk. [She skips into the kitchen.]","RORY: Hey! Come back here with that. [She follows her mother into the kitchen, looks in her room where Sookie is asleep. She closes the bedroom door.] What are you doing?","LORELAI: There is no way I'm sitting next to Missy Hollargan.","RORY: Stop that, that's Grandma's seating chart! [She goes to the fridge to get Lorelai some water.]","LORELAI: I know, I'm just fine-tuning it. Oh, the Ramsey's divorce must be legal by now. Time for a little reunion.","RORY: You're evil and I'm going to tell.","LORELAI: Well if you tell, then I'm going to tell cousin Drew, aka the Power Spitter, that you like him.","RORY: You're mean.","LORELAI: Hmm. Man, I'll say one thing for my parents, they certainly command a good turnout.","[Rory sees Logan Huntzberger's name on the seating chart. She smiles.]","RORY: Hey, do you think the Sheldrakes will be unhappy at the Bluestone Club?","LORELAI: Oh, I have no idea. However, I do know that Dinky Shaw is going to be sitting next to her ex-husband's daughter from his second marriage. This is the daughter whose conception caused the second marriage. And everybody should bring an extra roll of film.","RORY: Seems mean. Getting them kicked out like that. Seems mean.","LORELAI: Seems Gilmore.","RORY: Mom -","LORELAI: Rory, this is how it works in my parents' world. Trust me, the Sheldrakes are busy screwing someone at the Bluestone out of something as we speak.","RORY: If you say so.","LORELAI: These people live in a universe where they feel entitled to get what they want, when they want it, and they don't care who's in their way. I hate that world. Vapid. Selfish. It's like that Life and Death Brigade you wrote about.","RORY: What do you mean?","LORELAI: You know, like a bunch of selfish rich kids, the children of entitlement, blowing off school. Drinking for days. Spending thousands on a stupid and potentially dangerous stunt, knowing full well that they're not going to get in trouble, 'cause Daddy is important. They're all the same.","RORY [Defensive]: They're not all the same. You don't even know them. And that's not what I wrote. I didn't say all those things about them. You're just reading whatever you want to into it.","LORELAI [confused]: Okay, sorry.","RORY: Just because you have money, that doesn't automatically make you a jerk.","LORELAI: I know. I didn't mean it like that. [She sighs] So, new subject?","RORY: Yeah, new subject.","LORELAI: Hey, I wonder if my mother would notice if she and Dad were suddenly at different tables. [Rory gives her a look.] Okay.","LORELAI'S HOUSE - MORNING","LORELAI [Calling downstairs]: Hey, have you seen my Sparkly Venom lip gloss?","RORY [OS]: Yes, I have, it's at school.","LORELAI [OS]: Well, as long as it's safe.","RORY [OS]: Hey, what time is it?","LORELAI [OS]: Ten thirty-five. Rats!","[Someone knocks on the door.]","LORELAI [OS]: Rory, can you get that?","RORY [OS]: I'm not dressed yet!","LORELAI [OS]: You're not? It's ten thirty-five!","RORY [OS]: So?","LORELAI [OS]: Finally, that childish punctuality of yours has worn off.","RORY [OS]: Stop.","LORELAI [OS]: My baby's a woman.","[Luke tentatively opens the door.]","LUKE: Hello?","LORELAI [OS]: Luke?","LUKE: Uh, yeah. The front door was open.","LORELAI [OS]: I'll be right there.","RORY [OS]: Hi, Luke!","LUKE: Hey, Rory. You know your front door was open? It wasn't like that all night, was it?","LORELAI [Coming down the stairs.]: Hey! You look nice!","[They kiss]","LUKE: You're not dressed.","LORELAI: No, I'm getting dressed there.","LUKE: I didn't know you could get dressed there.","LORELAI: Rory, let's motor!","[Rory comes out of her room.]","LUKE: I would have gotten dressed there.","RORY: 'Kay, I'm ready. Hey, you look nice.","LUKE: Yeah, I didn't know you could get dressed there.","LORELAI: Don't worry about it.","LUKE: You didn't mention there was a place to get dressed there.","LORELAI: Oh, we're late. Let's go!","LUKE: Wait, aren't you going to lock up?","LORELAI: Babette, lock up when you leave?","[Babette's head pops up from the other side of the couch.]","BABETTE: You got it, honey! [To Luke] Oh, you look nice.","WINDSOR CLUB","LORELAI: Oh, please let them not be here yet.","RORY: They'll be here.","LORELAI: Well, you tell them you were running late.","RORY: You were running late too.","LUKE: My pants are all wrinkled from the ride.","LORELAI: Do you see them?","RORY: No.","LUKE: It looks like I slept in them.","LORELAI: Hey, stop being such a Nancy-boy about the pants. Think Hemingway ever gave a crap what his pants looked like?","LUKE: Hemingway blew his brains out, also. How much of a role model do you want me to make this guy?","[Emily and Richard walk toward them.]","EMILY: Well, there they are.","RICHARD: Hello, girls.","LUKE: Apparently they're going to change here also.","LORELAI: Sorry, um, Rory had a little emergency.","RORY: So did Mom.","EMILY: I hope everything's all right.","LORELAI: Yes. Just fine. How is everything going?","EMILY: Utter disaster. That moronic wedding planner finally fulfilled her potential. I get here and I go through my seating chart, and it's a mess. It looked like a drunken psychopath took a stab at it. I had to re-do the entire thing. It took me two hours and years off my life.","LORELAI: Maybe she just got confused.","EMILY: She did get confused. Confused about what her profession should be. Anyway, I fired her. That should help clarify things for her.","RORY: Third realm of hell, party of one.","LORELAI: Mom, how could you fire her now? Who's going to run the wedding?","EMILY: Well, luckily Marilyn came into town early for the ceremony, and she offered to help out.","RICHARD: You know that Marilyn was a very intimate friend of Cecil Beaton. He named an end table after her.","LORELAI: Hmm.","EMILY: And on top of all that, even though we managed to get the Sheldrakes out of the Rose Room, the women's club that owns this place has their still life painting class at four today in the Salon, and they refuse to give it up.","LORELAI: Are you using the Salon?","EMILY: Of course we're not using the Salon. What on earth would we use the Salon for? Oh, Luke. You're here.","LUKE: Uh, have been, actually.","EMILY: Richard, did you see Luke?","RICHARD: No. Why, Luke, there you are.","LUKE: Hey, Mr. Gilmore. Best wish- congrat- nice suit.","RICHARD: Thank you, Luke. I can have my tailor steam out those trousers for you.","EMILY [laughing]: Oh, Richard, that's not what he's wearing to the ceremony. I'm sure he's going to change. All right, girls. Let's go get settled.","LORELAI [to Luke]: Are you okay to hang here for a while?","LUKE: I'm sure. I'm fine. You go.","[A woman walks over to them.]","MARILYN: Emily. The florist is here and everything looks fabulous.","EMILY: Really?","MARILYN: No. But it will. [gushing] Lorelai, you look divine. Oh, and Rory. That skin. Gorgeous, I can't find the words. And who is this?","LORELAI: Oh, Marilyn, this is Luke. Luke, this is my cousin Marilyn.","LUKE: Nice to meet you.","MARILYN: You, too. [Pulls Lorelai aside.] Is he a gardener?","LORELAI: Uh, no, he owns a diner.","MARILYN: Oh, I've always wanted to have an affair with a gardener. Apparently that's very 'in' now.","EMILY: Marilyn, we're going to the bridal room now.","MARILYN: And I have gardenias to deal with.","RICHARD: I'll see you in a little while. I'll be the handsome one holding the ring.","EMILY: My favorite kind of man.","[The women go. Richard calls Lorelai back.]","RICHARD: Psst, Lorelai. I need you to do something.","LORELAI: Oh, spy voice. Cool.","RICHARD: Focus, please?","LORELAI: I am a camera.","RICHARD: I want to give your mother a present. But I don't know what her dress looks like. So, I need you to take these [He pulls out two necklaces], wait till she's not looking, hold them up to the dress, pick the one that looks best, bring it back to me and I will give it to her. Got it?","LORELAI: Got it.","RICHARD: Go.","[She goes. Richard looks at Luke, who is fidgeting with his pants. He walks away.]","BRIDAL ROOM","[Lorelai walks in with her hands behind her back. She pulls out the necklaces.]","LORELAI: Which one do you want?","EMILY [points]: That one, the other for my birthday.","RORY [gasps]: Look at that, it's so fancy.","EMILY: Your grandfather has perfect taste in necklaces and earrings. It's very important to find a man who can pick out your jewelry.","LORELAI [whispers to Rory]: Or steal it.","[Lorelai heads for the door.]","EMILY: Where are you going?","LORELAI: Uh, to give Dad back the necklaces.","EMILY: Hang your dress up first.","LORELAI: Oh.","RORY: I'm going to go change.","LORELAI: Great. Come back as Thora Birch.","EMILY [sits down at the vanity]: Oh, Lord, look at that. Pierre has his work cut out for him today.","LORELAI: Stop it, Mom, you look gorgeous.","EMILY: Lorelai, why am I doing this?","[In reply, Lorelai holds up the necklace.]","EMILY: Oh, yes. It is pretty, isn't it?","LORELAI: It's pretty frickin' awesome is what it is.","EMILY: Oh my God, I'm so nervous, I haven't eaten a thing all day.","LORELAI: Do you want me to whip up a little pasta for you, Mom?","EMILY: Stop that. Maybe I should take a Seconal.","LORELAI: Excellent idea, Judy. All right, my dress is hung.","EMILY: Make sure you hurry back. Lisette will be here to do your hair any minute.","LORELAI: My hair is already done.","EMILY: Don't worry. She can fix it.","[Lorelai gives her a look.]","EMILY: I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I'm just so nervous, I can't think.","LORELAI: Why are you nervous?","EMILY: I'm getting married!","LORELAI: For the second time. Mom, it's a pretend wedding. J.Lo has them all the time!","EMILY: Well, it certainly feels like a real wedding. After all, we've been separated for months. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to have a man around the house. Oh, God, I missed him. It's a wonderful thing to have a husband, a partner, somebody who's always there. Oh, Lorelai, don't you think you'll ever want to be married?","LORELAI: Well, um - [smiles] actually, I do.","EMILY [shocked]: Well, that's nice.","RORY [coming out of the dressing room in her 'tux']: Best man in the house!","EMILY: Oh, my goodness, Rory, you absolutely look adorable!","LORELAI: Say, aren't you the culture Queer Eye guy?","EMILY: Ignore her, you look dashing.","LORELAI: Yeah, now go buy me some earrings.","RORY: I like it.","LORELAI: Hey, it's not fair that she gets to dress like that.","EMILY: Your dress is beautiful.","LORELAI: Yeah, but she gets to wear, like, a costume. Can't I dress like your maid? It'll be whimsical and I can wear flats.","EMILY: Go give the necklaces back to your father.","LORELAI: You so like her better.","[Lorelai leaves.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","MAIN ROOM - CEREMONY","[A string quartet plays as the congregation waits for the ceremony to begin.]","MARILYN: So, tell me, Luke, have you ever considered being a gardener?","LUKE: Uh, I'm not much good at growing things.","MARILYN: Oh, Luke. That's the least important part of being a gardener.","[The judge, Richard and Rory enter from a side door and take their places at the front. The congregation turns around to watch for the women to come from the back. Lorelai walks down the stairs and down the aisle, winking at Luke before she takes her place. Rory notices Logan, and smiles happily. The congregation rises to welcome Emily, who smiles as she takes Richard's hand at the front.]","JUDGE: May you all be seated, please. [They sit. As the judge talks, Rory notices the girl next to Logan lean over and whisper in his ear. Logan laughs. She appears jealous.] I have known Richard and Emily Gilmore for twenty years now. I know them to be two of the most formidable opponents the world has ever seen. They complement each other. They defend each other. They were made for each other. And today, in front of friends and family, Richard and Emily have chosen once again to say to each other, \"I choose you\". [Luke and Lorelai smile at each other.] How many of us in a lifetime even get chosen once for something we really want? [Christopher enters late and sits down, trying not to draw attention.] Richard and Emily, will you please face each other. Please repeat after me. I, Richard Gilmore.","RICHARD: I, Richard Gilmore...","[Fade to black.]","RECEPTION HALL","[Lorelai and Luke enter with Rory. Joyous music and laughter can be heard.]","LORELAI: And over here we have the Romanov table.","LUKE: Wow. Look at those flower arrangements. This thing must've cost a fortune! They're real orchids.","LORELAI: A little gayer, please.","LUKE: I'm just saying.","MARILYN: Oh, wasn't the ceremony perfect? The candles and that judge. I should have married him. I was such a snob, I wouldn't have a civil servant. [To Luke] You're saving a dance for me. [She leaves.]","LUKE: Oh my God, there's dancing?","LORELAI: Yeah. We're doing the one from Pulp Fiction. Do you want to be Uma, or should I?","RORY: I'll meet you guys at our table later.","LORELAI: Table five, hon.","[Rory goes.]","LORELAI: Aw, man. I've already seen ten people I hate, twenty people I know whose names I can't remember, and forty people I don't know but who will expect me to know them anyhow.","LUKE: A bar. Thank God. [They go over to the bar.]","LORELAI: Hey, I need you to run major introduction interference for me.","LUKE: What?","LORELAI: Well, you have the advantage. No one knows you here, you can't insult them by forgetting their names. [To the bartender] Vodka tonic.","LUKE: And a beer.","LORELAI: Someone comes up, I'll take a drink. My mouth will be full, I can't talk. How would that look, right? Then you jump in, offer your hand. [In a deep, \"man\" voice] 'Hi, Luke Danes. And you are?' 'I'm Mr. Blockenfeffer.' By then I will have swallowed. 'Oh hi, Mr. Blockenfeffer, I'm Lorelai, remember me?' 'The bane of your mother's existence?' 'Exactly. Nice to see you again.' 'Nice to see you again. And nice to meet you, Luke.' 'Nice to meet you, Mr. Blockenfeffer.' 'You kids have a lovely evening.' 'No, you have a lovely evening. Our love to Mrs. Blockenfeffer.' Oh, look.","LUKE: What?","LORELAI: My Aunt Totsy. Mmm. Lovely woman. She hugs you, you smell like her for a month.","LUKE: Yep. [To the bartender] Keep these coming.","LORELAI: Thanks.","[Rory is standing in the middle of the room, looking around. She sees Logan getting a drink at the bar, and follows him discreetly to his table. She hides behind a man and peeks around him to get a better view of Logan and the blonde girl he is with.]","MAN: Actually, it's not that difficult at all. You just start with the siblings and count down even generations. The children of siblings are first cousins, the grandchildren of siblings are second cousins and so on. That makes you and Ceci third cousins, because Mee-maw and your great-great aunt Mary were sisters. See? Now, if the generations aren't even, that's where you indicate with 'removed'. For example, you're Trip's second cousin, but Trip's daughter is your second cousin, once removed. So if Ceci ever has grandchildren, you'll be third cousins twice removed, whereas they will be my second cousins thrice removed, and my great-grandchildren's fifth cousins. See, it's not","[Rory wanders away. Lorelai and Luke are talking to a couple.]","BRUCE: I'm Bruce McAllister, and this is my wife, Susan.","LUKE: Well, it's very nice to meet you, Bruce, and Susan.","LORELAI [swallowing]: Hi, Bruce, remember me? Lorelai?","BRUCE: Yes, it's nice to see you again.","SUSAN: Well, we should find our table. We'll talk to you later?","LUKE: Okay. 'Bye, Bruce. [They shake hands.]","LORELAI: 'Bye, Susan. [They walk away.] That's what I'm talking about. [They look around.] Mmm. Whoops, Marilyn's getting Totsied. [She forces Luke to turn around to avoid someone.] Oh! How are you doing? You having a good time?","LUKE: It's okay.","LORELAI: Um, I have to tell you something.","LUKE: Are you okay?","LORELAI: Yeah, um, [whispers] Christopher's here.","LUKE: Oh, well, I guess he knows your parents, so \u00af","LORELAI: Yeah, but, um, so Christopher's father died a couple weeks ago, and, um, he took it pretty hard. He had a terrible relationship with the man. [She looks over at Chris.] I went over there one night. The night before the re-enactment. Um, I brought tequila and we talked and drank, just two old friends hanging out. That's all.","LUKE: You went over there?","LORELAI: To comfort him. I know I should have told you about it, I just didn't because I didn't want you to read anything into it, or think anything weird, and I'm only telling you now because he's here and it might come up, and I don't want you to feel shanghaied.","LUKE [glaring]: Yeah, that would be bad.","LORELAI: I'm sorry, Luke. Nothing happened. Please believe me.","[Christopher joins them.]","CHRIS: Hey, Lor.","LORELAI: Hi, Chris. You know Luke.","CHRIS: Uh, no, not really. I'm Christopher.","LUKE: Yeah. Heard a lot about you.","CHRIS: You, too. The coffee is legendary.","LORELAI: Luke and I are dating.","CHRIS: That's great.","LORELAI: Have been for, what, four months now? Man, time, it flies when you're having fun, huh? Big fun. Nothing sexual intended, although \u00af","LUKE: Sorry about your dad.","CHRIS: Yeah. Thanks.","LORELAI: I told him about your dad, and the tequila.","CHRIS: Oh, yeah. It was rough, Lorelai helped me a lot, just being there.","LUKE: She's a very considerate person.","LORELAI: Hey, who likes my dress? 'Cause, man, you should have seen the one my mother wanted me to wear.","LUKE: You're cutting off my circulation.","LORELAI [Letting go of his arm]: I'm sorry.","CHRIS: Hey, so where's that kid of ours?","LORELAI: Uh \u00af","EMCEE: Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present to you for the first time, this century, Mr. and Mrs. Richard Gilmore.","[Everyone claps.]","LORELAI: Well, we should take our seats, now, see you later, Chris.","CHRIS: We'll have a drink.","LORELAI: Be great.","[Chris watches Lorelai and Luke head to their table and Emily and Richard make their entrance.]","LORELAI: Something wrong?","RORY: Coffee sucks.","[Richard takes the microphone. Emily takes a seat facing him.]","RICHARD: Thank you. [clears his throat.] On behalf of myself and my second wife, Emily, I would like to thank you all for coming here to help us celebrate. You are good friends, and we are very, very lucky. Now, in planning our traditional first dance, I gave a lot of thought to the song that would represent the next phase in our marriage. The best phase in our marriage, I believe. [Emily blows him a kiss.] I went over all the greats \u00af Bennett, Sinatra, Chuck Berry \u00af and a story popped into my head. Now, most of you know my daughter, Lorelai. When Lorelai was three, she went through a period of having chronic ear infections. It was terrible. Screaming all night long, we couldn't keep a nanny longer than a week.","LORELAI [to Luke]: Yeah, that was the terrible part. The searing pain was just a side note.","RICHARD: And so, it fell to Emily to sit with her all night long. She tried everything to calm her down. Finally, she found a song that seemed to soothe her. It was a popular song on the radio and it soon became Emily's favorite. Of course, it drove me crazy \u00af some woman complaining about how she wanted to marry a man named Bill. Not exactly Cole Porter. Emily would tease me, saying, 'If only your name was Bill, then this could be our song.' Well, Emily, for tonight, and tonight only, my name is Bill, and this is our song. Hit the button, Johnny. [He pulls her to her feet.] Your hand, madam.","EMILY: I cannot believe you remembered this song.","[Richard and Emily dance. Chris stares over at Lorelai and Luke, and orders another drink. Rory stares at Logan and the blonde.]","Bill, I love you so, I always will I look at you and see the passion eyes of May Oh, but am I ever gonna see my wedding day? (Wedding day) I was on your side, Bill, when you were losing I'd never scheme or lie, Bill, there's been no fooling But kisses and love won't carry me till you marry me, Bill","EMILY: We should separate more often.","RICHARD: Oh, bite your tongue. I love you so, I always will. And in your voice I hear a choir of carousels","EMCEE: At this time, if you're in love, I invite you to join Emily and Richard on the dance floor. Oh, but am I ever gonna see my wedding day?","LORELAI: You wanna dance?","LUKE: No, thanks.","LORELAI [serious]: Please? I promise I will dance just as spazzy as you will.","LUKE: I do not dance spazzy.","LORELAI: Then I will be the only spaz on the floor. Please?","LUKE: I do not dance spazzy.","LORELAI [smiles]: Thank you.","[They get up. Christopher glares after them.]","But kisses and love won't carry me Till you marry me, Bill I love you so, I always will And though devotion rules my heart I take no bows But Bill, you know I wanna take those wedding vows Come on, Bill, Oh, come on, Bill","[Rory sees Christopher get up and leave. She follows him.]","SALON","[The still life painting class is meeting.]","RORY: Want some company?","CHRIS: Hey, kiddo. Have a seat.","RORY: Quite a party, huh?","CHRIS: I would expect nothing less from your grandparents.","RORY: Pretty flowers.","CHRIS: Yes. Not at all fake.","RORY: Like my suit?","CHRIS: I do. It's very Bugsy Malone.","RORY: So how you doing?","CHRIS: Me? Oh, I'm fine. Just \u00af [pause] Did your mother ever tell you about our first kiss?","RORY: No.","CHRIS: We were fourteen. It was after school in the parking lot of the AM\/PM. She just walked right up and kissed me.","RORY: Really?","CHRIS: Yep. Said she just wanted to know what it would be like.","RORY: I hope you at least bought her a Moonpie.","CHRIS: You know, it never would've crossed my mind to do something like that. Just walk up and kiss someone, 'cause you wanted to. But Lorelai \u00af she always knew what she wanted. And she'd go out and get it.","RORY: She never told me that story.","CHRIS: No. Probably wanted to make me seem more manly.","RORY [smiles]: Did you \u00af","CHRIS: Did I what?","RORY: Did you like it that she kissed you first?","CHRIS: Who could not like being kissed by a Gilmore girl? It was the greatest day of my life. [Rory looks thoughtful. He finishes his drink.] I'm going to get a refill, can I get you something?","RORY: No. I'm fine.","CHRIS: Okay, well, I'll see you back in the center ring.","RORY: Okay.","[Chris goes. Rory sits for a minute longer.]","RECEPTION HALL","[Lorelai and Luke are dancing.]","LUKE: Okay, there's a touch of spazzy in there. Can we stop dancing now?","LORELAI: We can. Uh, but Marilyn is standing right behind you and if we swap she's going to swoop in, there's nothing I can do to save you.","LUKE: Well, funny how Marilyn's been standing right behind me where I can't see her for the last two songs.","LORELAI: Yeah, I know. That woman is spooky.","LUKE: This wouldn't be some underhanded ploy of yours to keep me dancing, would it?","LORELAI: Why, Luke Danes, I am appalled at the insinuation. I should walk off this dance floor right now and leave you to your fate. But I'm much too sweet a person to do that.","LUKE: Uh-huh.","[The song ends and a slower one starts.]","LUKE: Much better. Lowers the spaz quotient.","[Rory walks purposefully across the dance floor, straight to Logan's table.]","LOGAN: I like the suit, Kashmir.","RORY: I didn't know you were going to be here.","LOGAN: Really? I thought you put my name on the list.","RORY: No.","LOGAN: Oh, well, it must be your grandparents invited me. My parents are around here somewhere.","RORY: Oh, so you came with your parents?","LOGAN: Yup.","RORY: And \u00af","LOGAN: And, what?","RORY: Where's the blonde?","LOGAN: She's at the bar.","RORY: Oh, yeah, she's pretty.","LOGAN: Yeah? You want me to hook you up?","RORY: No, I was just saying \u00af","LOGAN: What are you just saying?","RORY: That she's pretty. That you brought a pretty girl. She's pretty, and the two of you are pretty together. In case you were wondering.","LOGAN: Jewel's a friend of the family, I've known here forever. She's visiting her parents in town, and she had nothing to do, so she asked to tag along. We're not dating.","RORY: Do you want to dance?","LOGAN [gets up]: After you.","[They walk past Luke and Lorelai.]","LUKE: What's that?","LORELAI: Ugh, Totsy alert! Move, move!","[They rush off the floor. Rory and Logan look at each other while dancing.]","LOGAN: What?","RORY: Why did you come?","LOGAN: Open bar.","RORY: Quite a draw for a guy with an American Express black card.","LOGAN: Live band, salad, butter pats \u00af","RORY: Logan \u00af","LOGAN: Little knit bags full of those Jordan almonds \u00af","RORY: Are you ever going to ask me out? [No answer.] You flirt with me. You act like you like me a little. You show up here, with a friend, not a date. I mean, aren't you? Ever? [Pause.] You do like me, right? [Logan smiles.] Oh. Okay. Uh, no problem. [She tries to pull away; he doesn't let her.] I'll just, um, let you go back to your table, and I'll just start burrowing directly into the ground.","LOGAN: Rory.","RORY: I should be in China by midnight.","LOGAN: Rory.","RORY: You called me Rory.","LOGAN: I want to be clear.","RORY: Oh, good.","LOGAN: I have thought about asking you out, several times. I just don't think it's such a good idea.","RORY: Why not?","LOGAN: Because you're special.","RORY: Special, like 'Stop eating the paste', special?","LOGAN: You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You are incredibly interesting. You're definitely girlfriend material. I, however, am definitely not boyfriend material. I can't do commitment, and I don't want to pretend to you that I can. If I were to date you, there would be no dating. It would be something, right away, and I'm not that guy.","RORY: But' I'm not looking for anything something like.","LOGAN: Rory.","RORY: I'm not. I've done that. As a matter of fact, I just did that, and that's not what I want.","LOGAN: I'm not saying you want that right now.","RORY: No, I don't want that at all. No, I'm not expecting anything. I'm just I like you, and I want to spend some time with you. No strings attached.","LOGAN: No strings attached, huh.","RORY: Hey, girls just wanna have fun. Stringless fun.","LOGAN: You may feel like that now, but \u00af","RORY: I do feel like that now.","LOGAN: Okay, but \u00af","[Rory grabs his hand and pulls him off the dance floor.]","LOGAN: Where are we going?","RORY: How should I know? What, do you think I have a plan or something? Geez. [She grabs a bottle of champagne from the bar.] Live in the moment, Huntzberger. [She walks toward the exit, then looks back at him.] Coming?","[Logan looks around, then follows her.]","BRIDAL ROOM","[Rory enters, followed by Logan. She closes the door.]","RORY: Champagne?","[Logan takes a sip and gives the bottle back. Rory drinks.]","LOGAN: Look, are you sure you want to do this?","RORY: I just want to know what it would be like.","[She kisses him. Logan looks her up and down.]","LOGAN: I feel like I'm kissing a guy.","[Rory rolls her eyes and kisses him again.]","LOGAN: And apparently I had no idea what I was missing.","[They kiss again.]","RECEPTION HALL","[Guests are clinking their glasses. Emily laughs, and she and Richard kiss. Lorelai returns to their table with drinks.]","LORELAI: Here you go. Oh, no. You've been Totsied.","LUKE: Well, you left me alone.","LORELAI: I warned you about her.","LUKE: I turn around, she's headed right for me, what am I supposed to do?","LORELAI: Ugh, man.","LUKE: It's not that bad.","LORELAI: Yeah, of course not.","[Christopher joins them.]","CHRIS: Thought I'd come by for that drink. Man, you've been Totsied! [He snickers.] Didn't you warn him?","LORELAI: I tried. Moves slow.","CHRIS: Don't worry about it, man, we've all been there. Lorelai and I went to a funeral, we got Totsied twice! You remember?","LORELAI: Um, no.","CHRIS: No? Come on, it was raining. You were wearing your 'Hell is for children' t-shirt, your mom flipped because we snuck that flask in?","LORELAI: Huh, sorry, no memory at all. [To Luke] You want to dance?","CHRIS: Dance? Get second-hand Totsied, Lor. You know you should burn that suit when you get home. Hey, how's the Inn? [To Luke] You know, we had lunch at the Inn last month.","LUKE: I know.","LORELAI: The Inn is fine. Everything is fine.","MARILYN: Honey, so sorry to interrupt. Your parents want a picture of just the wedding party in front of the cake before they cut it.","LORELAI: Okay, I'll just, uh, go find Rory.","MARILYN: I think I saw her heading off that way with that darling blonde boy. I've forgiven her for not noticing that I was chatting with him earlier.","LORELAI: Really, well, I'll go get Rory and meet you back at the cake.","LUKE: I'll go with you.","[Chris tosses back the rest of his drink and follows.]","HALLWAY","[Lorelai looks for Rory. Luke is right behind her.]","LUKE: Listen, uh, I think we need to talk.","LORELAI: I know, I know. We will. I just \u00af let me try to find \u00af","[She opens the door to the bridal dressing room. Rory and Logan pull apart.]","LORELAI: Hm. Grandma wants a picture.","RORY: Of this?","LORELAI: Rory, what are you doing?","RORY: Mom \u00af","LORELAI: You're at your grandparents' wedding! Renewal \u00af vowal \u00af thing. Whatever. They're right out there. God, Rory, I swear!","CHRIS: Rory? Rory's in here?","LORELAI: Okay, don't, Chris, it's all right.","CHRIS: What the hell are you doing in here with my daughter?","LOGAN: I \u00af","CHRIS: Get away from her. That is my daughter! I will kick your ass! I will kick your ass, you little weasel!","[Lorelai pushes him out of the room.]","LORELAI: Get out!","LUKE: What the hell is going on?","CHRIS: Who's that guy, Lorelai?","LORELAI: Christopher, calm down! You're drunk!","CHRIS: Calm down? There's a guy in there pawing my daughter!","LUKE: What guy? There's a guy in there with Rory?","[He barges into the room. Logan and Rory are collecting their things.]","LORELAI: Oh, my God, Luke!","LUKE: Hey! Get your hands off her. I mean it. Right now! Hands in the air, I want to see hands in the air!","LORELAI: Out!","[She slams the door and smiles at Logan and Rory.]","LORELAI: I think you guys better use the back way out of here.","RORY: But, Dad \u00af Luke \u00af","LORELAI: I will take care of Dad and Luke. Please go, now, go! [Rory goes, Logan hesitates.] So, um, you must be Logan.","LOGAN: Uh, yeah.","LORELAI: I'm Lorelai.","LOGAN: Nice to meet you. Okay, well, I'd better \u00af","LORELAI: Yeah.","[He leaves, she opens the door.]","CHRIS: It's none of your business what's going on with Rory.","LUKE: It sure the hell is my business.","LORELAI: Oh, guys, please!","CHRIS: Rory is my daughter. Mine.","LUKE: Oh, really? Well then, where the hell were you when she got the chicken pox and would only eat mashed potatoes for a week, or where were you when she graduated high school, or started college? Huh? Who the hell moved her mattress into her dorm, and out of her dorm and back into her dorm again?","LORELAI: Luke, please. This is not the time.","CHRIS: Where I was doesn't concern you. Rory is my daughter, and Lorelai's daughter, and that's it.","LUKE: Well, I'm with Lorelai!","CHRIS: For now!","LUKE: What does that mean, for now? What is that, a threat?","CHRIS: Lorelai and I belong together. Everyone knows it! I know it, Emily knows it!","LUKE: What?","CHRIS: Look, I blew it, okay? I know that I blew it. [To Lorelai] You waited, and I didn't come through, and now you're with him. But it's not too late!","LORELAI: Chris, don't.","CHRIS: It's not too late. I know it's not too late. Emily told me it wasn't too late! [Luke glares at Lorelai. She looks guilty.] I mean, that's why I'm here, okay? I know you're with him. But it's for now, it's not forever. It's just for now. I know that.","LORELAI: Luke, I don't know what he's talking about!","LUKE: I got to get out of here.","LORELAI: Oh, Luke, wait \u00af","CHRIS: Please, just, just \u00af","LORELAI: Christopher, get out of my way!","[She chases after Luke.]","RECEPTION HALL","[Lorelai is looking for Luke. Christopher is chasing after her.]","CHRIS: Will you stop?","LORELAI: Get away from me, Christopher.","CHRIS: I just want to talk.","LORELAI: Get some coffee, Christopher!","CHRIS: This wasn't the way I wanted it to go down. I wanted to get you alone and \u00af what are you doing?","LORELAI: I'm going after Luke!","MARILYN: Oh, there you are! [Calling to Emily] I've got her! [She pulls Lorelai toward the cake.] Oh, you cannot keep a room full of Anglo-Saxons waiting for cake this long! They start to form more clubs. [To the photographer] Take her, take her, take her!","PHOTOGRAPHER: All right, wonderful. There we are. [The four of them are lined up \u00af Rory, Richard, Emily and Lorelai.] Okay. Everyone, in just a little closer. That's perfect, hold that.","LORELAI [leaning into to whisper in Emily's ear]: You and me, we're done.","PHOTOGRAPHER: One, two, three.","[Emily is shocked, and turns to look at Lorelai as the camera flashes.]","_______________END________________"],"Show Title":"Gilmore Girls","Episode Number":"05x13","Episode Title":"Wedding Bell Blues","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Gilmore_Girls_05x18.json","Recap":["Old man Twickum dies, declaring through his will that the house be made into a museum for two months, then disposed of by the Head of the Historical Society, aka Taylor. Much to everyone's surprise, Luke volunteers to help with the museum to remain close to the house. Lorelai is interviewed by a magazine due to her success with the inn. Lane suspects Zach of cheating on her with Sophie. Rory and Paris sulk over their recent pitfalls with love resulting with the both of them in Stars Hollow getting tipsy with Lane on Miss Patty's Punch and all three of them trying to contact their beaus. Dean informs Luke that their situations are the same, and that Lorelai will eventually get bored and move on. Lane discovers Zach secretly practicing in a bluegrass band. (Last appearance of Jared Padalecki .)"],"Transcript":["STARS HOLLOW","[Town residents are standing in a long line going into a large brick house with massive white columns. Lorelai and Sookie are near the back of the line, with Davey asleep in his stroller.]","LORELAI: Ugh, raisins. What are the pruney red things?","SOOKIE: Dried cranberries.","LORELAI: Gone. What's this?","SOOKIE: Carob.","LORELAI: Adios.","SOOKIE: Okay, why do we buy trail mix if you're going to pick everything out?","LORELAI: Well, they've ruined trail mix. Used to be simple. Now they put too much stuff in it. Your mouth doesn't know what to expect with any given bite. Will it be fruity? Will it be granola-y? Will it be chocolate substitute-y? What's this?","SOOKIE: Soybean.","LORELAI: Bah, squirrel food! [She throws the soybean on the ground.]","[Taylor, ahead of them, turns around.]","TAYLOR: Ladies, please. We're saying good-bye to Mr. Twickham.","SOOKIE: So?","TAYLOR: The man's on his deathbed. Show a little respect.","LORELAI: Taylor, Old Man Twickham's been dying for twenty years.","MISS PATTY: This is my seventeenth time saying adios.","LORELAI: Yeah, I think you have the record, Patty.","SOOKIE: I forget, when was the last time we thought he was dying?","MISS PATTY: It's been a good two years.","LORELAI: I remember now. The last time - the rain?","SOOKIE: We got drenched.","LORELAI: Made the whole \"he's dying\" thing a total bummer.","TAYLOR: Ladies, please! You may not be respecting this moment but all the rest of us are.","[Kirk walks by carrying an assortment of flags, beach balls, hats, and other souvenirs.]","KIRK: Get your Twickham souvenirs here! Twickham souvenirs! I've got your bats! I've got your balls! I've got your foam fingers! Get 'em before he's gone!","[Andrew walks by.]","LORELAI: Oh, how's Mr. Twickham looking, Andrew?","ANDREW: A little tired.","LORELAI: Well, dying is exhausting.","ANDREW: Yeah, he's thinking of taking a break and picking up again tomorrow.","SOOKIE: Ugh, no.","LORELAI: We've been waiting for an hour.","ANDREW: He's kind of distracted anyway. The whole time I was there he was Tivo-ing through a fresh Summerland.","[Andrew leaves. Sookie turns to Lorelai.]","SOOKIE: Do we have time to come back tomorrow?","LORELAI: Uh, no. Not really. [She calls out.] Hey, everybody? Um, keep it quick in there, okay? \"Good morning, Mr. Twickham. Good-bye Mr. Twickham.\" And then vamoose.","SOOKIE: He should really start dying earlier in the day.","LORELAI: Yeah. [Digging in the bag of trail mix.] Ugh, green stuff? Come on! [She throws it.] What's green?","OPENING CREDITS","YALE DORMS - RORY'S BEDROOM","[The score from a Star Wars movie is playing loudly from the common room. Rory's cell phone rings.]","RORY: Hello?","[Scene cuts between Lorelai's kitchen and Rory's room.]","LORELAI: He's dead.","RORY: Who?","LORELAI: Old Man Twickham.","RORY [disbelief]: No!","LORELAI: Yes!","RORY: It's got to be a mistake.","LORELAI: It's not. The man is gone.","RORY: I don't believe it. I mean, are you sure?","LORELAI: There's no breath left in him. The light's gone out of his eyes. He smelled the burnt almonds. He's feeding the worms. He's chatting up his grandpa. He is the old man formerly known as Twickham.","RORY: Wow. I can't believe he's gone. I mean, he's been dying my whole life.","LORELAI: And I just got my good-bye in. He was about to close shop for the day but we got in, told him good-bye and that we'd miss him, we left and then apparently he just closed his eyes. Muttered something about Lori Loughlin and that was that.","RORY: Wow.","LORELAI: Yeah.","RORY: He's never died before.","LORELAI: I guess there's a first time for everything. Kirk's happy, though. His dying caused a run on souvenirs. [She looks at the beach ball, hats and flags on her counter.]","RORY [disapproving]: Tacky.","LORELAI: Oh, yeah. Tacky. So, are you coming home this weekend?","RORY: Probably not. Maybe next week.","LORELAI: Okay. I just always like to check.","RORY: So, I should go. Sorry about Old Man Twickham.","LORELAI: Got to move on. I hear Old Man Ketchum has a nasty cough. Could turn into something.","RORY: That's the spirit. Bye.","[She hangs up the phone and goes out into the common room. Paris is slumped on a chair, wearing pajamas, remote in hand.]","RORY [shouting over the movie]: Pathetic!","PARIS: What?","RORY: Nothing important, I just wanted to inform you that you're pathetic!","PARIS: Back at you, sister.","RORY: I am not pathetic.","PARIS: Oh, come on. We're in the same situation, except you're in denial.","RORY: I'm not in denial!","PARIS: I haven't seen Logan lately.","RORY: Well, why don't you call him up, then? Bet he misses you.","PARIS: Is he missing you?","RORY: Good-bye.","PARIS: Have fun pretending the sky is green.","RORY: Yeah, have fun re-enacting the Maxell tape ad.","[Rory slams the door behind her. Paris furiously turns up the already-too-loud volume.]","STARS HOLLOW - SOPHIE'S MUSIC SHOP","[Lane and Zach enter. Sophie is behind the counter.]","ZACH: Hey Soph.","SOPHIE: You wash your hands?","ZACH: Front and back.","SOPHIE: Let's see 'em.","ZACH: So we're never going to forget the peanut butter on the sitar? [He holds up his hands.]","SOPHIE: Good God, man, have you heard of hand cream?","ZACH: Okay if we walk around?","SOPHIE: Carefully. Hi, Lane.","LANE: Hi, Sophie.","[Zach and Lane take a few steps. Zach starts whispering to Lane.]","ZACH: Show her the thing.","LANE: Something like that's very self-conscious.","ZACH: It's why you brought it.","LANE: I know.","ZACH: So, show her.","[Lane walks back over to the counter.]","LANE: So, Sophie Bloom. Your last name's Bloom.","SOPHIE: Thanks for the info.","LANE: I was looking through some old vinyl I have. I don't have much, because I was born right on the cusp of the CD revolution. But I originally had a record player. A Snoopy record player. Boy, I love this record player. And shutting my door and listening to music on it -","SOPHIE: Oh, my God, Garrison Keillor, what is your point?","LANE: I saw the name \"Sophie Bloom\" on this album - the one non-Christian one my mother allowed me to have. It just popped out at me and I was wondering - [She hands the record to Sophie.]","SOPHIE [a little repulsed]: Oh, this thing.","LANE: So, it's you. You wrote these songs.","SOPHIE: Long time ago.","LANE [gushing]: I think this is amazing! Because I want to do more than just drum. I would like to write and compose and I was wondering if we could sit down sometime and just talk about music, because I think you have so much you can pass on to me. Woman to woman. Really, just coffee sometime. My treat.","SOPHIE: Well, I suppose sometime when I'm not working or out of town, if my boyfriend's busy and my laundry's done, and I'm not sick and there's nothing on TV, we could maybe meet up for a couple of minutes.","LANE: It's a date.","[Smiling, she re-joins Zach as he browses.]","LUKE'S DINER - NIGHT","[Luke is cleaning up when Lorelai enters.]","LUKE: Hey, there she is, the woman of the hour!","LORELAI: Apparently that's me. [They hug.]","LUKE: I am blown away by this!","LORELAI: Yeah, well, my hugs are that powerful.","LUKE: Well, well, I'm talking about the article. You're going to be on the cover of a magazine! That's a big deal!","LORELAI: Well, it's the inn, it's not me, but yes, it is a big deal!","LUKE: So, how'd they tell you? They phone you, or they, you know, they e-mail you?","LORELAI: They just said they were so impressed by the inn, they were so impressed by my story-","LUKE: It's a great story.","LORELAI: Well, it's a little thin, when you compare it to War and Peace, but","[SCENE_BREAK]","LUKE: What? You started with nothing. It's a great story. The magazine's pretty good, too. I did some research.","LORELAI: Oh. Research?","[He pulls out a few magazines from under the counter.]","LUKE: Yeah, I got a bunch of back issues and I read them. I tried to figure out who should interview you. Okay. Alicia Kensington. Staff writer, too green and way too stiff. Too many adverbs. Frederick Fairmount. Pff, he talks more about himself than the person he's interviewing. Something boozy about him, too.","LORELAI: I don't think they let you pick who's going to interview you.","LUKE: Well, just in case they offer. But this is big. [He touches her arm.]","LORELAI [smiles]: Yeah, I guess it is.","[She sees the window between the Diner and the ice cream shop, taped up with newspaper.]","LORELAI: Oh! What happened there?","LUKE: Eh, what do you think? Taylor.","LORELAI: How did Taylor break the window?","LUKE: How do you think? By being Taylor.","LORELAI: Taylor's Taylor-ness can now break glass?","LUKE: You know what I mean. He's doing something, and crash, bang, there you go. Hey, is it, uh, six yet?","LORELAI: Uh, a little past.","LUKE: Ah, shoot. Town meeting's started.","LORELAI: So?","LUKE: So I thought we'd go. I mean, you like those things, right?","LORELAI: Uh, yeah, but you don't.","LUKE: Yes, but, this is your big night, you know, with the article and everything. Look, why don't we hit the town meeting and then we'll go get something to eat, like a little celebration?","LORELAI: Oh, sounds good!","LUKE: Yeah, great! Let's go, we got to, we got to hurry.","LORELAI: Okay.","[He hurries her out the door.]","STARS HOLLOW TOWN MEETING","[Taylor is addressing the town with Kirk standing next to him.]","TAYLOR: Come on, people! It's not that complicated.","KIRK: I don't want to be a burden.","TAYLOR: Patty? What about that couch you have at the back or your studio?","[Patty opens her mouth to respond, but is cut off by Kirk.]","KIRK: In her freezing cold studio with no insulation and no heat. Sounds great.","[Taylor continues as Luke and Lorelai sneak in the back and sit next to Sookie.]","SOOKIE [whispers]: Hi.","LORELAI: Hi, what's happening?","SOOKIE: Problems with Kirk's schedule.","LORELAI: Ah. Can't Sheriff Taylor just let him share a cell with Otis for the night?","MISS PATTY: Well, maybe the Morris' will take him again.","KIRK: Their kids stuck things in my nose.","MISS PATTY: Well, then, lock the door when you sleep!","KIRK: It wasn't while I was asleep.","SOOKIE [whispering to Lorelai]: Hey. How'd you drag Luke here?","LORELAI: He wanted to come.","KIRK: I'll just sleep outside in the gazebo. I would ask, though, that if I die from exposure, don't just dump me in the landfill.","MISS PATTY: No one's dumping you in a landfill, Kirk.","TAYLOR [regretfully]: It's against regulations. Let's pigeonhole this matter for now, people. Get on to our next order of business. It's the matter of the estate of the late Joshua Twickham. As you know -","LORELAI [whispers to Sookie]: You bring food?","SOOKIE: After the trail mix fiasco, I wouldn't dare.","[Luke shushes her.]","SOOKIE: Sorry.","[Lorelai and Sookie exchange an amused look.]","TAYLOR: I am happy to say that this beloved elder was generous even on his deathbed. Mr. Twickham has left his beautiful home to the town.","[The townspeople murmur.]","KIRK: Is his deathbed still there? I'm not picky.","LUKE: What does that mean, to the town?","TALYOR: Luke! What are you doing here?","LUKE: Just keep going, Taylor.","TAYLOR: He left the house to the Historical Society along with his ample collection of valuable memorabilia. His will stipulates that the house is to be converted into a museum.","LUKE: A museum?","TAYLOR: Are you going to interrupt me the whole meeting?","LUKE: I'm just asking.","TAYLOR: A Stars Hollow museum. We will display his personal historical artifacts for a period of two months. After two months, the house is to be disposed of at the discretion of the head of the Historical Society, he meaning me.","LUKE: Oh, goody.","TAYLOR: So now you're going to talk under your breath.","LUKE: I'm sorry.","TAYLOR: Funny, I didn't hear those words come out of your mouth this morning after you tried to kill me.","LORELAI [looks at Luke]: What?","TAYLOR: So, we're going to need strong volunteers to make this dream a reality. Now, anyone with appropriate skills, let's see a show of hands.","[Several men, including Luke, raise their hands.]","LORELAI: Uh, you're really going to have to fill me in on the gag, here.","TAYLOR: Luke, don't come to these things just to mock our business.","LUKE: I'm not mocking anything, I'm volunteering.","TAYLOR: After you threw a frying pan at my head.","LORELAI: You threw a frying pan at Taylor's head?","TAYLOR: Just for playing my Muzak too loud. I mean, who doesn't love Muzak?","SOOKIE [raises her hand]: Oh! Music lovers?","LUKE: The thing slipped out of my hand.","TAYLOR: Right after you said, quote, um, \"you better duck, Taylor, because I'm going to throw this frying pan at your head\"?","LORELAI: You threw a frying pan at Taylor's head without me there? I hate you.","LUKE: I'm volunteering. Take it or leave it.","TAYLOR: Patty, take down the names of the legitimate volunteers, please. Now, whoever's actually going to show up, our day starts at seven sharp. To the rest, shame on you. Now, onto item number three. The budgetary concerns about the new snowplow.","LORELAI [to Luke]: I'm sorry, does Taylor have compromising pictures of you or something?","LUKE: It's no joke.","LORELAI: Why on earth are you volunteering for Taylor?","LUKE: Well, um -","LORELAI: Luke.","LUKE: How well did you know Old Man Twickham?","LORELAI: Somewhat.","LUKE: Well, I knew him all my life. He was like another dad, in a way.","LORELAI: Oh. Nice.","LUKE: And I didn't show up to say good-bye, and I'm feeling a little guilty about it, you know. He's a good guy. I just want to do right by him.","LORELAI: Well. You are a terrific fellow, Luke Danes.","TAYLOR: No, Kirk. If you build an igloo to sleep in, and the town plow runs over it, it kills you, we are not going to just leave your corpse in the snow.","KIRK: Okay, but I don't want to be a burden.","STARS HOLLOW - TWICKHAM HOUSE","[Taylor walks down the front step talking to a man who is writing on a clipboard.]","TAYLOR: Let's store all the boxes inside. Sort through them in there, then store what we don't need in the garage.","[The man nods. Luke gets out of his truck.]","LUKE: Morning, Taylor.","TAYLOR: What are you doing here?","LUKE: I volunteered.","TAYLOR: I don't get the joke.","LUKE: There's no joke! I'm at your disposal.","[Taylor frowns and turns back to the man with the clipboard.]","TAYLOR: Now, we're going to need a nice flat staging area, perhaps over there, [he points] because there's no space here out front.","LUKE: What about right here? [He points at a space right next to where they are standing.]","TAYLOR: My office is going here.","LUKE: Your office? Why do you need an office?","TAYLOR: So you came to complain?","LUKE: No, I was just -","TAYLOR: I'm organizing! I'm working! I need an office!","LUKE: Okay, fine. Sorry. Carry on.","TAYLOR [calling out]: Come on, everybody! [To the clipboard man] Let's hook up with people inside and I'll start handing out assignments.","[They start walking into the house. Luke follows. Taylor turns around.]","TAYLOR: Eh, where are you going?","LUKE: Inside.","TAYLOR: Why?","LUKE: I'm a volunteer!","[Taylor rolls his eyes and they all go inside.]","KYLE: Hey, Luke.","LUKE: Hey, Kyle.","KYLE: Just thought I'd lend a hand.","LUKE: Uh-huh, good one.","[Kyle has a hook instead of his right hand.]","TAYLOR: Is this everybody, people?","KIRK: I believe so, Taylor.","GYPSY [to Luke]: What the hell are you doing here?","LUKE: I can't keep answering this question.","TAYLOR: Come in, good folk. We are embarking on a wonderful adventure. Right here in this room, we will display Mr. Twickham's impressive collection of memorabilia. Upstairs, we'll house the multimedia dioramas depicting the history of the town.","LUKE: Sounds good.","TAYLOR: Now, I took the liberty of doing up some fun shirts that we all can wear. Everyone, please. Put one on.","[Kirk starts handing out the bright orange t-shirts. The volunteers mumble as they put on the shirts.]","TAYLOR: Isn't that nice. Now, they all take a cold water wash and tumble dry. Low. Now, before we begin, I'd like us all to join hands.","LUKE: What?","GYPSY: He's a twisted little perv if you ask me.","TAYLOR: Come on, everybody, take hands.","[Luke rolls his eyes, but takes Taylor's hand on the right, and \"hooks\" up with Kyle on the left.]","TAYLOR: Let's close our eyes and visualize our goal. Picture a freckle-faced boy, eyes wide with curiosity, drinking in the history of the town as he wanders the room. He's by the door, he's going by the stairs, he's delighting -","KIRK: Luke's peeking.","LUKE: That means you're peeking too, snitch.","TAYLOR: Quiet! Please!","GYPSY: Hey, I've lost track. Where's the freckle-faced kid walking?","TAYLOR: Okay, I think that's enough visualizing, everybody. How about we start organizing all these boxes, okay?","[The circle breaks apart. Luke tries to pull away, but Taylor holds on.]","TAYLOR: I'd like a moment with you, Luke.","LUKE: Yeah, time to let go, there, Taylor!","TAYLOR: I want the straight skinny from you.","LUKE: Really, let go of my hand.","TAYLOR: Not until you tell me what you're doing.","LUKE: I'm really just trying to get my hand away from you.","TAYLOR: Why are you here? Why did you volunteer?","LUKE: Because I wanted to!","TAYLOR: Luke, you hated Old Man Twickham. I know that for a fact. You said despicable things about him your whole life!","LUKE: Well, okay. If you must know, Lorelai asked me.","TAYLOR: Lorelai?","LUKE: That's right. You know, we've been through a bit of a rough patch -","TAYLOR: Yes.","LUKE: Well, I want to make things right with her. Get off to a good new start. She really wants me to get involved with community things, so she asked me to get involved. So, I'm doing it for her.","TAYLOR: Well, I think that's very nice.","LUKE: So I'm here for you, Taylor. One hundred percent.","TAYLOR: Good. Because you're not untalented.","LUKE [trying unsuccessfully to take his hand back]: Thank you.","TAYLOR: How about I make you my right-hand man? Stick by me! Be me when I'm not here! What do you say?","LUKE: Well, I'll need my right hand back for that, I think.","TAYLOR: Of course. [He lets go of Luke's hand.] Okay. Good. This is a new side of you, Luke, and I like it. All right, let's get started, everybody! [He turns away.] Kirk, grab Kyle and come on over and help me start in this corner.","[Luke examines his hand.]","DRAGONFLY INN - LIBRARY","[Lorelai is being interviewed for the travel magazine. The reporter, Sandra, is writing as she talks.]","SANDRA: So, which is your favorite room?","LORELAI: Oh, that changes daily. Today it's the library.","SANDRA: What do you love about it?","LORELAI: It - hugs you. You know - does that sound silly?","SANDRA: Not at all.","LORELAI: Um, the kitchen turned out so wonderfully. So the kitchen and the library are duking it out right now.","SANDRA: I should definitely get the name of your designer.","LORELAI: Numerous. We went through quite a few.","SANDRA: Really? The design's so cohesive.","LORELAI: What you see is a lot of me. [Gestures at the notepad she is writing on.] Uh, she said that so humbly.","SANDRA: Hey, credit where credit is due.","LORELAI: I put my soul into this place. My heart. My liver, a couple of kidneys. I had a great partner in Sookie, and, uh, we had a great community rooting for us -","SANDRA: That's what you feel here. Support, family, homeyness, warmth. It must reflect your upbringing.","[Lorelai snorts with laughter.]","SANDRA: No?","LORELAI: I am just happy I wasn't sipping coffee when you said that, it would have come out my nose.","SANDRA: Oh. Childhood wasn't so warm and fuzzy?","LORELAI: You know Superman's fortress of solitude? A Jamaican beach, compared to my mother's house.","SANDRA: So I'll cross your mother off your list of inspirations.","LORELAI: No, I actually did pick up some valuable lessons on running a staff from my mother.","SANDRA: How so?","LORELAI: Well, I consider what my mother would do in a given situation, then I dial it back, and I have what Mussolini would do, then I dial it back, and I have what Stalin would do, and then I dial that back and then it starts approaching what a sane person would do.","SANDRA: Ouch.","LORELAI: You're right. Let's find a topic happier than my relationship with my mother. Basically that would be anything short of famine. [Sandra laughs.] Okay. I will tell you one story about my mother on a family vacation. Jimmy Carter was there. And he had a bigger room.","TWICKHAM HOUSE - INSIDE","[Taylor is walking down the stairs, followed closely by Luke. Both are looking at clipboards.]","TAYLOR: All righty. Upstairs floors and walls cleaned, check. Blackout curtains delivered and ready to be installed, check. Uh, Luke?","LUKE: Yeah.","TAYLOR: It would really help to hear you say 'check'.","LUKE: Oh, I'm getting it, Taylor. [He points to his clipboard.]","TAYLOR: But how do I know that unless you say 'check' after I say 'check'?","LUKE: Fine.","TAYLOR: And audio equipment delivered, awaiting mounting brackets, check?","[He looks at Luke expectantly. Luke rolls his eyes.]","LUKE: Check.","TAYLOR: Excellent.","[There is a commotion involving Kirk by the front door. Taylor goes to check it out. Kirk and Kyle are carrying a naked mannequin into the house.]","TAYLOR: Boys, boys, what's so funny?","KIRK: I took the mannequin by the arms and I said -","KYLE: Wait, wait, I'll tell him. He goes 'grab the other end' -","KIRK: No, no, I said, 'grab her end' -","KYLE: Right, so I grabbed her here. Right under her rear end -","KIRK: Her rear end!","KYLE: And I was walking with it like that!","TAYLOR: Really, do I have to separate you two? Now set that down and bring in the others. Modestly.","[Kirk and Kyle walk past him with the mannequin, and burst into laughter again. Kirk looks after them disapprovingly. He then joins Gypsy at a table, where she is sorting through antiques.]","TAYLOR: So, Gypsy. Find some interesting stuff?","GYPSY: How does a George Washington letter sound?","TAYLOR: Fantastic.","LUKE [joining them, and taking the letter]: Wow, that's great!","GYPSY: Mint condition, too.","TAYLOR: Let's frame it, and hang it in a place of honor.","LUKE: Eh, I'm not sure this is what you think it is.","GYPSY: What do you mean? It's a letter to the editor, signed 'George Washington'.","LUKE: It's dated '1944'.","TAYLOR: That's a little smudged, that could be 1744.","LUKE: It mentions Jack Benny.","GYPSY: Well, we could cross out the Jack Benny part.","TAYLOR: Let's put it on the 'to be displayed' pile and we'll authenticate it at a later date.","LUKE: Actually, why don't we put it in the 'maybe' pile, Taylor? There's got to be better than this.","TAYLOR: You're right! Let's keep our standards high. Good thinking, Luke. Now, Gypsy, as soon as we have everything catalogued, my man Luke here will liaise with you to co-ordinate your needs.","LUKE: Right, we'll liaise.","GYPSY: Fine. But I'm not doing nothing dirty.","TAYLOR: Carry on. [He walks out.]","LUKE: Hey, so we should start moving this stuff in the other room so we can clean here next - KYLE [entering with Kirk and another mannequin]: Luke.","LUKE: Yeah?","KYLE: Taylor would like to see you in his office.","LUKE: What? He was just here.","KIRK: That's what he said.","LUKE [to Gypsy]: I'll be right back.","TWICKHAM HOUSE - OUTSIDE","[Luke leaves the front door of the house, walks down the steps and up into a large trailer which has been set up for Taylor's office. He knocks on the door.]","TAYLOR [OS]: Come in.","TAYLOR'S TRAILER","[Luke enters. Taylor is pretending to examine his clipboard.]","LUKE: You wanted to see me?","TAYLOR: Ah, Luke. Yes. Sit down, won't you? We need to talk. [Luke sits.] Now, if you're going to disagree with me, which you have every right to, please don't do it in front of the rest of the crew.","LUKE: What are you talking about?","TAYLOR: That George Washington letter. I was humiliated.","LUKE: No you weren't.","TAYLOR: Luke, we're a team. Don't forget that.","LUKE: Fine, okay. I won't disagree with you in front of the crew.","TAYLOR: Good. Although, it's probably safest for you not to disagree with me at all, don't you think?","LUKE: Ah, sure. I agree.","TAYLOR: Good. [His walkie-talkie beeps.]","KIRK [over walkie-talkie]: Taylor!","TAYLOR: This is Taylor Doose.","KIRK: The carpenter is here, Taylor.","TAYLOR: Copy that. [To Luke] Uh, liaise with him, would you?","LUKE: Mm-hm. You took the words right out of my mouth.","[He gets up and leaves.]","TWICKHAM HOUSE - OUTSIDE","[Luke leaves the trailer and breaks up a fight between Kirk and Kyle, who are attacking each other with the top halves of two mannequins.]","LUKE: Where's the guy, Kirk?","KIRK: Right over there.","[Luke sees that it is Dean. He waves. Dean glares. Luke looks confused.]","YALE DORMS - RORY'S COMMON ROOM","[Paris is watching a 60's era beach dance party movie. Rory comes out of her room, rolls her eyes and drops a duffel bag.]","PARIS: Every one of these people is dead. That makes me sad.","RORY: That movie is from the sixties. They're not all dead.","PARIS: Well, they're old. Osteoporosistic. These days if they shake it, they break it. That makes me sad.","RORY: Switch back to Moller.","PARIS: Hey, it was your idea for me to watch a movie.","RORY: It was my idea for you to do whatever it took to get your mind off Doyle.","PARIS: So, you're going away, huh? No Huntzberger this weekend?","RORY: Obviously not.","PARIS: You guys were hot and heavy for a couple weeks. What happened?","RORY: Nothing.","PARIS: Feast turned into famine, huh?","RORY: Fine. If you must know, yes. See, Paris, I am not in denial. Logan and I were hot and heavy, had a good two weeks, then it became about voicemails, then crickets. So, yes, he pulled back and I'm going crazy, but I'm not going to stay here and wallow and watch you be all depressed.","PARIS [sitting up suddenly]: You're right.","RORY: About what?","PARIS: About staying here. You should get out, I should get out. This place is poison.","RORY: It is!","PARIS: I don't want to be like this. I want to live my life so that I'll be able to read an in-depth biography about myself in later years, and not puke.","RORY: Good.","PARIS: I'm going to get up and pack, and I am going to have some fun this weekend.","RORY: Good.","[She heads for the door. Paris points at the TV.]","PARIS: How does this end?","RORY: They dance again.","PARIS: Okay.","[Rory leaves. Paris goes into her room.]","LANE'S APARTMENT","[Zach is reading a magazine on the couch. Lane rushes in.]","LANE: Hey, Zach? Grandy's closes at eight tonight, a little early because it's one of his kid's birthdays, but I checked with Luke and he's letting me off at seven, so we've got plenty of time.","ZACH: For what?","LANE: To shop at Grandy's. We set it up last week.","ZACH: We did?","LANE: Yes.","ZACH: Huh. Well, can we go next week?","LANE: Zach, we haven't hit Grandy's in four months. We're completely out of cleaning supplies.","ZACH: Well, I can't go tonight, so just go without me.","LANE: But you love shopping for cleaning supplies.","ZACH: I know, but tonight I've got something to do.","LANE: What?","ZACH: I'm just going to go chill with some friends.","LANE: Who?","ZACH: Well, okay, Officer, I confess. Body's in the trunk.","LANE: Zach.","ZACH: I'm just going to see some old friends. God, what do you want, names and addresses?","LANE: No. Fine. I'll go by myself.","ZACH: Good.","LANE: Good.","ZACH: And don't forget. Get a dishwashing liquid that's gentle on my hands.","LANE: I will.","[Zach pats her hand. She walks away.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","LORELAI'S HOUSE","[Rory enters the front door.]","RORY: Hello!","LORELAI: Hi! Honey!","RORY: This is okay, right? Springing a surprise visit on you.","LORELAI: This is your definition of surprise? [Laughs.] This is not a surprise. Come on in, I'll show you a surprise.","[They walk into the living room.]","RORY: Paris!","PARIS: I packed my bags and was on the road before I remembered that parents don't own property in the United States anymore.","RORY: Since when?","PARIS: Since the IRS red-foxed my father. The place in Asylum Hill, the Nantucket cottage - even the crack-house in Harlem that we converted into a co-op was sold to one of the Queer Eye guys.","RORY: Where'd they go?","PARIS: They're going to wire me when they're safe. Anyway, I'm here. Should I leave?","RORY: No, stay. Uh, if it's okay with Mom.","LORELAI: It's okay with me.","RORY: So I guess you can have the couch.","LORELAI: Ah, sorry. That's spoken for.","RORY: What?","[Kirk comes down the stairs behind them.]","KIRK: Hey, Rory. This is a nice surprise.","LORELAI: The Maddis' were supposed to have him tonight. They have goldfish. Kirk's afraid of goldfish.","KIRK: They're always staring at you. All gold and unblinking.","PARIS: I like sleeping on the floor anyway. It's good for my back.","RORY: Okay. Enjoy. Can I, um - [She gestures for Lorelai to follow her.]","LORELAI: Mm-hm.","[They go into Rory's room.]","KIRK [OS]: How do you feel about goldfish?","LORELAI: So, what inspired your visit?","RORY: Just nothing else to do.","LORELAI: Ah, well, don't I feel special.","RORY: Sorry. You know what I mean.","LORELAI: You mean, I love you mommy, I miss you mommy.","RORY: That's what I meant.","LORELAI: So, no parties or anything? No dates?","RORY: No. Just a nice quiet weekend. It's perfect. Oh, wait, you didn't have anything planned with Luke tonight? Don't cancel it on my account.","LORELAI: No, it's okay. He's busy. Taylor's making him drive out to fetch an historical cannonball that Old Man Twickham had lent to his sister in Mystic.","RORY: What would you borrow a cannonball for?","LORELAI: It's been bugging me too.","RORY: Hm. So, how'd your magazine interview go?","LORELAI: Good, I think. I mean, I've never done one before. She didn't stab me with her pencil or anything.","RORY: Good thing.","LORELAI: My interviewer was really cool. Sandra. It was more like friends chatting than being interviewed. She loved the inn, and she asked some good questions, and she loved, loved my Emily stuff.","RORY: Your Emily stuff?","LORELAI: Yeah, she asked me questions about my background. I gave it to her, unplugged.","RORY: You didn't.","LORELAI: She asked.","RORY: But you couched it, right?","LORELAI: What do you mean?","RORY: I mean, you described it in so many words, colorful but unemotional?","LORELAI: I called her the female Pol Pot.","RORY: Mom, you didn't.","LORELAI: She laughed, for like, a minute.","RORY: That's so harsh.","LORELAI: Harsh, but true.","[Kirk stands at the door with his hand over his eyes.]","KIRK: Can I get some water?","LORELAI: Why are you covering your eyes, Kirk?","KIRK: In case you're naked.","LORELAI: You thought I'd walk into my daughter's room and get naked?","KIRK: I don't know your domestic routine.","LORELAI: Glasses are above the sink.","[He leaves the doorway.]","RORY: So you attribute any war crimes to Grandma? Any environmental disasters?","LORELAI: What? We were just talking. She won't print any of it.","RORY: Why? Was it off the record?","LORELAI: Yeah. Technically. It wasn't about the inn.","RORY: But did you say 'it's off the record'?","LORELAI: No.","RORY: Then it's fair game, so she can print all of it.","LORELAI: Including the limerick?","RORY: You did your limerick?","LORELAI: I am very proud of it. I found two dirty words that rhyme with Emily.","RORY: Oh, boy.","LORELAI: Well, can't I call the reporter and tell her it was off the record?","RORY: You can't take things off the record once they're on.","LORELAI: Well, so what? The chances that my mother reads American Travel are extremely slim.","RORY: Yeah. Except for the fact that I told her about it tonight. [She clears her throat.] I needed some small talk.","LORELAI: What, and 'how are the girls at the club' and 'ooh, that's gorgeous, is it new' doesn't work anymore? Those are tried and true standbys.","RORY: Well, I told her about it and she jotted down the title. She's going to read it.","LORELAI: Okay, well, you know what? Fine. Let her. It's all true. I'm tired of protecting people. Of being polite, of worrying about other people's feelings. Let her get all Condoleezza Rice to my Barbara Boxer if she wants.","KIRK [OS]: Ow!","LORELAI: Kirk, you can open your eyes!","KIRK [OS]: I'm fine. Ow, my head!","LORELAI: Kirk.","KIRK [OS]: I'm fine! Ow, my toe!","LORELAI [goes into the kitchen]: Kirk!","[We hear a loud crash.]","KIRK [OS]: Oh! My knee!","LORELAI [OS]: Kirk!","STARS HOLLOW STREET","[Luke's truck is driving down the street. He brakes for a pedestrian. There is a rolling sound, and then a bang. He pulls up in front of the Twickham house with Taylor in the passenger seat. As he stops, there is another rolling sound and another bang.]","TAYLOR: You were right. We should have tied the cannonball down.","LUKE: Taylor, you don't like to drive after dark, so we didn't have time to tie the cannonball down.","TAYLOR: You didn't have the proper tools to secure it with anyway. Netting, twine -","LUKE: Yes, well, drat my luck. I took all my cannonball securing tools out of my truck just yesterday.","[They get out of the truck and walk around to the back.]","TAYLOR: Must weigh about a hundred pounds.","LUKE: Something like that.","[Taylor notices Dean on the front step of the house.]","TAYLOR: Oh, good. We're in luck. Hey, Dean!","LUKE: No, Taylor, I'll move it myself.","TAYLOR: Luke, don't be headstrong. Once I strained my pecs lifting a birdbath and they were no good to me ever again.","DEAN: What do you need, Taylor?","TAYLOR: Got a big heavy ball here. How are your pecs?","DEAN [pause]: They're fine.","TAYLOR: Help us to the house?","[Luke rolls the ball to the edge of the tailgate, and he and Dean carry it toward the house. Luke notices the look he is getting from Dean.]","LUKE: Look, buddy -","DEAN: Where do you want it, Taylor?","TAYLOR: Uh, on the lawn is fine. We'll put it in place tomorrow morning.","[They set the cannonball down.]","TAYLOR: Lucky you were here.","DEAN: Yeah. Lucky.","[He glares at Luke again, then walks away. Luke rolls his eyes.]","STARS HOLLOW STREET","[Lane is walking home in the rain carrying bags of cleaning supplies. She sees Zach talking to Sophie outside of the music store. She looks hurt.]","LORELAI'S HOUSE - KITCHEN","[She reaches up above the fridge for a box of cereal.]","LORELAI [Calling]: Breakfast!","[Paris comes in from the living room.]","PARIS: Morning.","LORELAI: Morning! Hey, Rory, are you up?","PARIS: She's probably on the phone.","RORY: I'm not on the phone. I'm just getting dressed.","LORELAI: Coffee?","RORY and PARIS: Definitely. Yes.","LORELAI: So, did you get any rest?","PARIS: Kirk talks in his sleep.","LORELAI: Anything juicy?","PARIS: He deals blackjack.","LORELAI: Hm. Kirk?","KIRK [OS]: Yeah?","LORELAI: Turn off the TV, come have your breakfast.","KIRK [OS]: In a minute.","LORELAI: Now.","PARIS: How old is he?","RORY: You'd have to cut him open and count the rings.","KIRK [entering]: Morning.","LORELAI: Morning.","RORY: Morning.","PARIS: You really should see a sleep therapist.","KIRK: Roulette?","PARIS: Blackjack.","KIRK: Sorry. [He sits down.]","LORELAI: Kirk, is the TV still on?","KIRK: Oh, I forgot! [He starts to get up.]","LORELAI: No, no. I'll get it. You'd forget your head if it wasn't screwed on. [She goes into the living room.]","PARIS: Don't deny that you were on the phone.","RORY: Phone's in the living room.","PARIS: Oh, that's your phone? It rang about an hour ago.","RORY [hopeful]: It was ringing?","PARIS: No.","RORY: Knock it off.","KIRK: What are you guys talking about?","[Rory and Paris look at each other, but don't answer.]","KIRK: Fine. [He boxes himself in with the cereal.]","LORELAI: No forts. Now, I don't know what all your plans are, but the grand opening of the Stars Hollow Museum is this morning. Any takers?","PARIS: It's always amusing when provincials grasp for legitimacy. I'm in.","RORY: I wouldn't miss it.","KIRK: I helped build it.","PARIS: Bully.","LORELAI: All right, well, finish up here, grab your jackets and we'll go.","KIRK: I don't need a jacket.","LORELAI: Well, it's chilly, Kirk.","KIRK [whining]: I don't want to wear a jacket.","LORELAI: Well, then, maybe you won't go to the grand opening of the Stars Hollow museum.","KIRK: I'll put on my jacket. [He stomps out of the kitchen.]","LORELAI: Finish your breakfast first. Kirk. Do not turn that TV on.","[We hear cartoons from the living room. Lorelai goes in.]","LORELAI: Kirk! I mean it, Kirk!","TWICKHAM HOUSE - OUTSIDE","[Miss Patty is welcoming visitors.]","MISS PATTY: Please enjoy the museum, and come back for some punch. [Rory, Lorelai and Paris are next in line.] Good morning, ladies!","LORELAI: Hi, Patty.","RORY: Hi, Patty.","MISS PATTY [to Paris]: Oh, I remember you! You poor thing.","PARIS: Thanks.","MISS PATTY: It's three dollars each. That includes the punch. Would you like yours now?","LORELAI: Oh, how about later? After I eat a loaf of bread, a pound of crackers and chase it with a quart of olive oil.","MISS PATTY [laughs]: Well, it's not my punch if it's not strong.","LORELAI: Hey, are you guys coming? [She sees Luke and Sookie waiting on the porch.] Oh, looks like we're the first group in.","RORY: I'll catch up. I told Lane I'd meet up with her.","LORELAI: 'Kay, see you.","RORY: Bye.","[Lorelai joins Luke and Sookie.]","PARIS [to Rory]: How are you doing?","RORY: I'm fine.","PARIS: Doyle's probably called me at the dorm, and my not calling him back means he may never call me again. There you go. There you have it.","RORY: Paris, you've come this far. Don't buckle.","PARIS: I don't want to buckle. I really don't want to buckle. [She pulls her cell phone out of her pocket and hands it to Rory.] Here. Keep it for me.","RORY: Your cell phone? Are you sure?","PARIS: Remove the temptation.","RORY: You got it. There's Lane.","LANE: Hello.","RORY: What's wrong with you?","LANE: I don't want to talk about it.","RORY: Well, we're a fun group.","[Paris passes out cups of Patty's punch.]","RORY: Paris -","PARIS: We paid our three dollars.","RORY: Miss Patty's leftover punch is used to remove tar from construction sites.","PARIS: Then let it remove the tar from our souls.","[They drink.]","TWICKHAM HOUSE - INSIDE","LUKE: Here it is.","LORELAI: Oh, it's nice! You really turned this around fast, huh?","LUKE: Well, it was a team effort.","SOOKIE: Hey look, old letters!","LORELAI: Oh, I love those! [Reading] Letter from Olivia Taft. Reported grand-niece by marriage to president William Taft. Written to Chester Hobart, assumed distant relative to Garret Hobart, vice-president to William McKinley. Wow.","SOOKIE: Oh, I love history. Ooh! Possibly rare 48 star American flag!","LORELAI: Ah, look at that.","LUKE: Oh, someone was supposed to take the Sears tag off of that.","SOOKIE: What's this?","LORELAI [reading]: Civil War era cannonball! Ah, where's the cannonball?","[They peer into a roped-off hole in the hardwood.]","LUKE: Flashlights! [He hands them flashlights from a nearby table.]","SOOKIE: I don't see it!","LORELAI: Oh, wait, right there! Right there!","SOOKIE: Ooh! Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool!","TAYLOR [on overhead speakers]: Ladies and gentlemen. Our audio-visual presentation will commence in five minutes. Five minutes, everybody.","LORELAI: Hey, check out that painting!","LUKE: Oh, yeah, actually that's pretty cool. It's a possible circa nineteenth century portrait of what we think may have been the founder of a school that possibly educated Ben Franklin's cousin.","[Lorelai and Sookie make appreciative noises.]","TWICKHAM HOUSE - OUTSIDE","[Rory, Lane and Paris have found a table and chairs and are surrounded by several empty punch glasses. They slur.]","LANE: He just flat out looked out of his face right into my face and said to my face that he was lying.","RORY: Zach said that he was lying?","LANE: No. He lied from his face into my face about where he was going. That's what hurts the most, the lie! Except for seeing him with that woman! That hurts most, more than the lie.","PARIS: You'd think they'd stumble onto the truth. Just accidentally. Say something like two plus two equals four. Just because they say so many things just accidentally, that's like - man!","LANE: I know!","PARIS: They just have to repopulate the species. You know? Just spread it around.","RORY: Oh, they like to spread it around, all right.","PARIS: I bet you Doyle's spreading it right now.","RORY: You don't know that he's spreading it.","PARIS [pointing at her cup]: This - is tasty.","LANE [jumps up suddenly]: I've had it!","RORY: Had what?","LANE: I'm getting to the bottom of this.","PARIS: Spank his bottom!","LANE: He can't do this! We're friends too, as well as lovers if we ever get married! [She storms off.]","PARIS: She walks funny.","RORY: I'm thirsty. This punch makes you thirsty.","PARIS [sighs]: Where is the nearest bathroom?","RORY: No. Paris, no. Stay.","PARIS: I need to go to the bathroom.","RORY: You're going to call Doyle.","PARIS: What? You've got my cell phone.","RORY: We're low-tech here in the Hollow, but we do have payphones.","PARIS: I'm not going to call Doyle.","RORY: Yes you are.","PARIS: I don't even have money on me.","RORY: Uh-huh.","PARIS: Fine. [She takes her shoes and socks off.] Take my shoes, okay? How far can I get without my shoes? Now, bathroom?","RORY [pointing]: Over there.","PARIS: I'll be right back.","RORY: Good.","STARS HOLLOW STREET","[Paris walks barefoot to a payphone. A man walks by her.]","PARIS: Excuse me? Could I trouble you for some change? [He keeps walking. To a girl] Excuse me, I just need some change to make a call. Could you - [She ignores Paris.] I just need to make a call!","[She looks around hopelessly.]","TWICKHAM HOUSE - UPSTAIRS","[Luke, Lorelai and Sookie enter a dark room, followed by the rest of the tour group.]","SOOKIE: Where are we going?","LUKE: You'll see.","LORELAI: What is this?","LUKE: You wouldn't want me to spoil it.","TAYLOR'S VOICE [on the intercom]: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Stars Hollow dioramic history room presentation. Please stand toward the center of the room, and remember, no talking, no smoking, and please, no lewd behavior of any kind during our presentation.","[Lorelai pinches Luke's butt. He jumps. LUKE Hey!","LORELAI: I'm just getting the lewd behavior out of the way before the presentation.","TAYLOR'S VOICE: It's the dawn of time. And whether you believe that a Supreme Being created the earth, or in the more and more discredited theory of evolution, one thing's for certain. Early man walked the land we are now on. And while no printed record survived, there's no proof that the first tools weren't invented right here in Stars Hollow.","[Behind them, a mannequin of a caveman is lit up by a spotlight. The caveman is grunting.]","LORELAI: Huh. That wrench is really getting him hot.","[The light goes off on the caveman. She pinches Luke's butt again.]","LUKE: Hey, there's people!","LORELAI: That's half the fun.","TAYLOR'S VOICE: Zooming forward in time to the founding of Stars Hollow. The very first people to live on this land, besides the Indians, was the Jebediah family.","[A light shines on a man, woman, boy, girl, and horse.]","TAYLOR'S VOICE: Good puritans, they were led by the humble Reverend Ezekiel. With him was wife Louisa, daughter Harriet, and young son Joseph, born without speech. I wonder what that first conversation was when they rode up to their new home?","[Lights shine on each member of the family individually as they speak.]","EZEKIEL: Whoa, boy. Good girl. You smell that air, mother?","LOUISA: It smells like home, Ezekiel.","EZEKIEL: Ho, ho, ho, ho. And look at this fertile soil. Just a-wantin' to yield crops.","LOUISA: It smells like home, Ezekiel.","EZEKIEL: But what of the young'uns? What have they to say of their new home?","HARRIET: We can run in the woods, play games, and be schooled at home!","[The light shines on Joseph, in silence for a moment.]","EZEKIEL: Hey! My divining rod is twitching! That means there's water a-plenty.","LOUISA: Better get inside, children, it's time for supper.","HARRIET: Okay, mother. I'm hungry. You hungry, too, Joseph?","[The light shines on Joseph again.]","EZEKIEL: Those stars. So bright. This forest, hollow. What name should I give this place? Hollow. Stars. Hollow. Stars.","[The light goes out on the Jebediah family. After a pause -]","LORELAI: No. Really? They're going to leave us on a cliffhanger?","STARS HOLLOW STREET","[Lane is walking quickly. She enters Sophie's music store. She walks over to Sophie.]","LANE: Sophie!","SOPHIE: Geez, Lane, I don't have time for coffee right now.","LANE: You owe me an explanation! You - woman!","SOPHIE: What are you talking about?","LANE: You know what I'm talking about. I look to you as a role model. Well, not anymore, except as a role model for heartbreak! I know what you can offer him. You're bohemian, and experienced, familiar with the world of sensual pleasure, champagne, Times Square. I bet you've even smoked a cigarette or two!","SOPHIE: Oh my God, your breath would stop an elephant!","LANE: You've not only been to New York, but you've lived there. You know where the best bagels are and you've been with men. But you don't know him like I know him. It's cheap thrills for you, sister! But I know what cleaning products he likes. Do you?","SOPHIE: I'm not sure how to answer that.","LANE: It had to have been a moment of weakness, because he doesn't like you! He likes me!","SOPHIE: Who?","LANE: Zach!","SOPHIE: Zach?","LANE: Zach!","SOPHIE: Come here.","[Sophie pushes Lane toward the back of the store, where Zach is playing the banjo with a couple of other guys.]","LANE: Zach?","ZACH: Lane!","SOPHIE: Talk! [She leaves them alone.]","LANE: Why are you playing a banjo?","ZACH: It's a bluegrass band, okay? I like bluegrass. I like jamming with these guys, and yes, I like the banjo.","LANE [not making eye contact]: But why didn't you tell me?","ZACH [apologetic]: Because we're rock and roll, Lane. You and me. I was embarrassed. So the guys and I have been jamming on the sly here. Sophie let us. I like the banjo.","LANE: Well, I like the banjo too, when you're playing it.","ZACH: Really?","LANE: Yeah. It's kind of hot.","ZACH: The guys are watching.","LANE: Well, go back to your playing.","ZACH: Cool.","LANE: Oh! And I got three things of Pine-Sol. I've been dying to tell you! But there's been this weird thing between us.","ZACH: Lemon?","LANE: Yeah. Because I know that's what you like.","[They kiss. Zach sits down.]","ZACH: Let's hit it, boys.","[They start to play. Lane turns away, makes a weird face, and walks out.]","STARS HOLLOW STREET","[Paris is begging everyone who walks by for change for the phone.]","PARIS: Hey, I need some change here. Come on, damn it! Yeah, keep walking. Keep walking! [She kicks in their direction and blows a raspberry. She runs out into the street after a car.] Hey! Hey, I need fifty cents! Come on! Just fifty cents! Watch it! [She almost gets hit by a car, then runs back onto the sidewalk.] Hey! Give me fifty cents! [The people keep walking.] Fall in a hole! [She blows another raspberry.]","TWICKHAM HOUSE - OUTSIDE","[Rory is sitting at the table alone, finishing a cup of punch. She takes her phone out of her pocket and hits a speed-dial number.]","LOGAN'S VOICEMAIL: Hey, it's Logan. Leave whatever message you want. And if this is Finn? Buddy, your voicemail is full! Again! We're meeting at the Starwood, nine-thirty, then just club-hopping from there. There's eleven of us, so bring the Hummer. Don't be more than a half hour late, and erase those stupid messages. [Beep.]","[Rory hangs up suddenly. She starts chugging another glass of punch.]","TWICKHAM HOUSE - UPSTAIRS","[The diorama presentation continues.]","TAYLOR'S VOICE: Sanitation in wartime. No one likes to think about it, but in Stars Hollow that's all we thought about. A local manufacturer, Buff-Rite, was the sole supplier of all things pertaining to sanitation and hygiene for our boys in World War two. Remember their snappy theme song?","[The light shines on two deliverymen carrying cardboard boxes labeled 'Buff-Rite'.]","WOMAN'S VOICE [singing]: Walk light, smell right, head held high with Buff-Rite!","TAYLOR'S VOICE: Closed due to a dramatic drop in demand for its chief products, urinal cakes, the Buff-Rite factory nevertheless afforded hundreds of Stars Hollow residents healthy livelihoods. [Lorelai's cell phone rings.] The Buff-Rite diorama is dedicated -","LORELAI: Sorry, that's me. [She looks at the caller.] Oh, I've got to take this.","LUKE: I'll meet you outside. I've seen enough.","SOOKIE: I can't get enough. [Luke and Lorelai leave. Sookie sings to herself.] Walk light, smell right -","[Multicolored lights flash on two hippies.]","TAYLOR'S VOICE: Remember the sixties? The town of Stars Hollow does! What a headache! A veritable dark age, culminating in a sit-in that gathered over a thousand freaks from the Tri-county area.","[Lorelai stands in a corner by the caveman and answers her phone.]","LORELAI: Hello?","SANDRA: Uh, hi, Lorelai! It's Sandra from American Travel.","LORELAI: Sandra, hi. Thanks for getting back to me so quickly.","SANDRA: No problem, what's up?","LORELAI: Well, I was just thinking about -","SANDRA: Oh, it was great, by the way. Everyone just flipped for it here.","LORELAI: Oh, wonderful. Thank you. But I just wanted to let you know, I think I may have crossed a line with the stuff about my mother?","SANDRA: What? No! It was the best part!","LORELAI: Oh, so it's in the article?","SANDRA: It's not the dominant thing, but it's in. It's great color.","LORELAI: Right. Well, I was wondering if maybe you could lose some of that color. Would that screw things up too much?","SANDRA: Oh, but the stuff about your mother is great! My editor flipped.","LORELAI: Wow. So it's already gone to an editor?","SANDRA: We turn things around pretty quickly.","LORELAI: I guess so. You know, Sandra, I would really like you to cut all the stuff about my mother. Um, it would be a big favour.","SANDRA: I would really rather not. It was a lot of work.","LORELAI: Okay, couldn't you just do a quick re-write, for a friend?","SANDRA: We're not friends.","LORELAI: Oh, right.","SANDRA: Look. It's too late to change it. The only other option we have is pulling it altogether.","LORELAI: Pulling it?","SANDRA: Yeah, and just subbing in something else.","LORELAI: The whole article? The cover and everything?","SANDRA: The whole thing.","LORELAI: Oh.","SANDRA: Look, don't worry about it. It's great. It flies by. The readers are going to love it, okay?","LORELAI: Okay, sure. Thanks for calling me back. Bye.","MAN'S VOICE: I'm sure looking forward to work today!","WOMAN'S VOICE: Haley, put your Etch-a-Sketch away and come sit down.","[Lorelai joins Sookie.]","LORELAI: What's this?","SOOKIE: Modern life in Stars Hollow.","[The light is shining on a family around a breakfast table. The mother is standing at the stove.]","MAN: Great breakfast, mother.","BOY: Yeah, you've done it again, mom!","WOMAN: I just love serving breakfast to my family.","GIRL: And I love Jesus!","TWICKHAM HOUSE - OUTSIDE","[Taylor hurries down the steps, looking thrilled. He finds Luke on the sidewalk.]","TAYLOR: Look at these clamouring crowds, partner!","LUKE: Yeah, people seem to be having a good time.","TAYLOR: It was a rush job, but spectacular. It's more than I thought it would be.","LUKE: Oh, way more.","TAYLOR: I'm seriously considering going permanent with this.","LUKE: What?","TAYLOR: Well, I think we've got something here. Something big. A two-month run isn't enough! We've at least got to hold it over through the summer!","LUKE: Taylor -","TAYLOR: I'm thinking we should keep it open for at least a year. Even if it doesn't make money. At that point, we've got the publicity. We've made the guidebooks. My God! We'll have a Cooperstown-type attraction on our hands!","LUKE: Taylor, no!","TAYLOR: What?","LUKE: Are you blind? This place is a piece of crap!","TAYLOR: What? A piece of -","LUKE: Look at it! The old man's stuff - it's not even historical! It's all a bunch of stuff that may have belonged to people who may have distantly related to people who may have been historically meaningful! And the diorama","[SCENE_BREAK]","TAYLOR: Well, I'll admit, it's a little rough -","LUKE: It's a joke.","TAYLOR: Luke, I don't get it. You helped build this! You were so co-operative! Why are you turning on it like this? Turning on me?","LUKE: I want the house.","TAYLOR: What?","LUKE: I want this house, Taylor. All my life I've loved this house. They don't build them like this anymore. I mean, you saw the banisters, right?","TAYLOR: Well, yeah, but -","LUKE: No. I've always said to myself if you're going to have a family and buy a house, then it's got to be this house.","TAYLOR: Oh -","LUKE: It's why I volunteered, okay? I got involved with this whole thing to stay close to the house and keep on your good side. You had the control.","TAYLOR: I should have known that you were doing this for selfish reasons.","LUKE: Taylor, look. I know you don't like me, I can't change that. But I've got to be honest here. This museum is not going to make it. This property, these expenses, the taxes, the upkeep. I mean, the floor broke through from just the cannonball. It's going to take money. Do you want to keep a money loser on the books? Do you want that to be your legacy in Stars Hollow? Because that's what this is, Taylor. It's a money pit.","TAYLOR: Well, I don't want a money pit on the books.","LUKE: Just keep it open for the two months, then sell it to me. I'll give you the best price, I swear.","TAYLOR: A family. You mean, you and Lorelai -","LUKE: Me and - whoever. Yeah.","TAYLOR: Huh. Well, I'll think about it.","[Luke nods and smiles as Taylor returns inside.]","TWICKHAM HOUSE - BACK DOOR","[Lorelai and Sookie exit.]","LORELAI: We have got to bring everyone we know to this thing immediately, before the Nederlanders swoop in and whisk it away to Broadway.","SOOKIE: And at three bucks a pop. That crappy Epis show costs a hundred bucks.","LORELAI: I've got to make a quick call, maybe we'll go through again.","SOOKIE [gasps]: Once is not enough!","[Sookie goes ahead. Lorelai sighs and dials a number on her cell phone.]","LORELAI: Sandra, hi. It's Lorelai Gilmore, again. Listen, I was thinking, I think you should just pull the article. Yeah, I'm sure. But thanks. Okay. Bye.","[She hangs up. Luke joins her on the sidewalk.]","LUKE: So, was it all I said it would be?","LORELAI: Oh, and more! I've got to go through with Rory, have you seen her anywhere?","LUKE: Haven't seen her, no.","LORELAI: Wow.","LUKE: What?","LORELAI: I just never really looked at this place before. Those columns, and that brick.","LUKE: Yeah.","LORELAI: It's beautiful.","LUKE: Yeah. It's a great house.","[Rory comes up behind them.]","RORY: Mom.","LORELAI: Aw, Rory, honey, what's wrong?","RORY: I don't feel good. I really don't feel good.","LORELAI: I think I can, uh, guess why. Come on, let's get you home.","LUKE: You need help? Want me to drive?","LORELAI: It's okay, it's just five minutes. Come on.","[Rory and Lorelai leave. Luke walks toward a table on the side of the house, and packs up his toolbox. Dean walks by, giving him attitude.]","LUKE: Okay, Dean. Come on. Give me that attitude. What's up? What is this, still about the Pippi night? The Bop-it? Fine. You hate me, whatever. You want to punch me? Go ahead, I'm a terrible guy, I deserve it. Go ahead, take a shot. I won't even fight back. Make you feel better, huh, buddy?","DEAN: Just go back to your girlfriend.","LUKE: Fine. Whatever.","DEAN [mumbles]: While you've got one.","LUKE: What's that supposed to mean?","DEAN: What do you think it means?","LUKE: I'm not playing games here!","DEAN: Your situation is no different from mine. Buddy.","LUKE: I've got work to do.","DEAN: Then go. They want more than this. Don't you see that? And all you are is this.","LUKE: Rory was a kid, Dean. She grew up. She moved on. Accept it.","DEAN: You accept it. This town, it's all you are, and it's not enough. She's going to get bored, and you can't take her anywhere. You're here forever.","LUKE: It's different.","DEAN: It's not different. You and me. Same thing.","[Luke stares after him as he walks away.]","LORELAI'S HOUSE - BATHROOM","[Rory is lying on Lorelai's lap on the floor. She is crying.]","RORY: Why doesn't he like me? Why doesn't he call me? What did I do?","LORELAI: Sh, honey, it's okay. It's okay.","RORY: Logan - [she breaks off into a sob.]","LORELAI: Sh, it's okay.","_______________END___________________"],"Show Title":"Gilmore Girls","Episode Number":"05x18","Episode Title":"To Live and Let Diorama","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Gilmore_Girls_05x20.json","Recap":["Rory starts her internship. Due to low attendance and much to Luke's delight, Taylor decides to close down the museum and sell the house. Richard and Emily invite Logan to dinner, and Lorelai begs to attend. Lorelai meets with an inn investor which could mean travel in her future."],"Transcript":["LORELAI'S HOUSE","[Lorelai sits quietly at the kitchen table, feet up, cordless phone to her ear. Her eyes move back and forth over the floor. Switch to Rory's dorm. She is doing the same thing. Camera pans out back at Lorelai's to show that she is watching an automatic vacuum roll around. So is Rory.]","LORELAI: So is this more or less fun than watching the same T.V. show at the same time?","RORY: I think it's more.","LORELAI: You know, if we died right now, and decomposed, it would vacuum us up and no one would ever know.","RORY: Freaky.","OPENING CREDITS","YALE DORMS - RORY'S COMMON ROOM","[Paris enters from outside, wearing a pink bathrobe and toweling her hair.]","PARIS [singing]: I'm walking on sunshine! Whoa! I'm walking on sunshine, whoa! I'm walking on sunshine, whoa! And don't it feel good! Hey, all right!","[Rory emerges from her bedroom.]","RORY: Hey!","PARIS: What?","RORY: Learn a new song, or I am tying you to a chair and putting Hotel Rwanda on again.","PARIS: It's love, baby. Deal. [She brushes her hair.]","RORY: You're not going to use that as a microphone, are you?","PARIS: Oh, no, Reverend has the town band dancing and singing? [Paris grins.] I'm really happy.","RORY: Doyle, I assume?","PARIS: You know, he calls me his girlfriend now with no visible shaking.","RORY: I'm happy you're happy.","PARIS: So, how are things with Logan?","RORY [smiling]: You want to hand me that hairbrush?","PARIS: Look at us. We're happy, we have boyfriends! This is infinitely better than any mood stabilizer I have ever been on.","[Someone knocks on the door.]","RORY: Oh, shoot, what time is it?","PARIS: It's Hammer time.","RORY: It's Logan. Hairbrushes down.","PARIS: You got it.","[Rory walks over and opens the door.]","LOGAN: Evening, Ace.","RORY: Hi.","[They kiss.]","PARIS: Nice. Very nice.","RORY: Hey, you want to see my room? It's far away from here.","LOGAN: Super idea.","[They go into her room and close the door. They kiss some more.]","RORY: Hello.","LOGAN: Hello.","RORY: What are you thinking about?","LOGAN: Whether or not you've ever woken up with Paris standing over you with a knife.","RORY: Not recently. She's been in a good mood.","LOGAN: Why is that?","RORY: Because she's in love.","LOGAN: With Doyle?","RORY: Yes, with Doyle. And do not mock or make fun, because when Paris is happy, the whole world is happy. But when she's not happy, the whole world is Deadwood.","LOGAN: Got it. You hungry?","RORY: Yes, I'm starving. Just let me get my sweater. [She opens her closet.] Hey, what do you think of this dress? Does it look newspaper-y enough?","LOGAN: What?","RORY: I'm trying to figure out what to wear on my first day at the paper.","LOGAN: Ah, the internship rears its ugly head again.","RORY: I want to look professional but not too Lois Lane-y, and I don't want to look like a college kid.","LOGAN: You are a college kid.","RORY: Not on Monday. On Monday, I am a newspaper woman. And I have to look like a newspaper woman.","LOGAN: Whatever you wear will be fine.","RORY: I'm so excited. [She hangs up the dress.]","LOGAN: I can tell.","RORY: Oh. Last night, I couldn't sleep, so I Googled your father.","LOGAN: Excuse me?","RORY: Twelve thousand fifty three items came up. I could only pull up a couple thousand, but it really helped. [She holds up the stack of papers, flipping through them. Logan looks amused and a little disturbed.] He was born in 1953, Episcopalian, second of four children, oldest boy, Yale undergrad, star of the track team. No grad school. Interesting. Then he had a couple of lost years. Kind of a blank period, a little Jesus thing going on there. Worked as a reporter and editor for two of the Huntzberger papers before taking over as CEO of the company!","LOGAN: Uh -","RORY: I mean, when you look at all these accomplishments, the man must never sleep!","LOGAN: Well -","RORY: Ah. Mm-hm, four hours a night. Just like Clinton.","LOGAN: You don't have a wall in a secret room with pictures of my father pasted all over it, do you?","RORY: Logan, I'm going to be interning for him. I need to know everything about him. Is he an egghead? Because he seems very roll-up-the-sleeves-y. But he's written about everything, from foreign affairs, domestic policies. He had a wine column, for God's sake. I should learn more about wine.","LOGAN: Look, Rory -","RORY: What are his politics? He's unbelievably neutral in his writing! Right wing, left wing, middle wing. Oh, the man was short-listed for the Pulitzer for covering the Iranian hostage crisis when he was twenty-five!","LOGAN: Yeah, I heard something about that.","RORY: Twenty-five! How did he do that? Especially considering his lost years? He's a born journalist. I mean, what does he read? What papers, what journals? Come on, tell me something.","LOGAN: He hates peas.","RORY: Logan, I need your help here.","LOGAN: Rory, my dad and I basically have two conversations. 'Logan, you're not living up to your potential' and 'Logan, when you're sailing close-hauled, wait until you gain that last bit of boat speed before you pull in the jib sheet.' That's it.","RORY: But -","LOGAN: Ace! You've learned more about my father in one night than I've learned in my whole life! Don't worry. You're going to be fine! Now, I thought we've established that we're both starving.","RORY: Yes, we have. Let's go.","[She puts down her notes on Mitchum, grabs her sweater and turns to leave. She remembers something else, and turns around to write it down.]","RORY: Oh! Wait! Your dad covered Haiti in 1985. Must learn more about Haiti. Got it. Okay, let's go. Hey, have you ever discussed Pinochet with him? Because one time he wrote -","LOGAN: Peas, Ace. Peas.","RORY: Right. Sorry.","[He directs her out the door.]","YALE CLASSROOM","[Rory and classmates sit around a large round table. The professor lectures.]","PROFESSOR: As we move on from the empiricist to the rationalist, it would be good to start thinking about the differences between the A posteriori truths, and the Apriority truths of the rationalist, which exists independent of experience. So for Wednesday if you would all take a crack at the first five chapters of Spinoza's Ethics. That is, those of you who's entire weekend won't be consumed by books on wine and Haiti.","[He gestures at the stack of reference books piled in front of Rory.]","RORY: Yes. My interests are teasingly diverse.","PROFESSOR: Whatever. See you all on Wednesday.","[The students pack up their things. Rory's cell phone rings.]","RORY: Hello?","[Scene cuts from the classroom to Stars Hollow Street, where Lorelai is walking.]","LORELAI: Ah, thank God. Did you return the blue sweater?","RORY: Oh, no.","LORELAI: Answer, please.","RORY: Two days ago.","LORELAI: Why?","RORY: Why? Because two days ago you asked me to take it back. Demanded me, in fact.","LORELAI: And suddenly you're just so freakin' reliable, you just hop to it and do whatever I say?","RORY: I've always been freakin' reliable. It's how I was raised.","LORELAI: Oh, so blame me.","RORY: I am not returning the blue sweater again, so don't think about asking.","LORELAI: But I want it, I need it.","RORY: I've already returned the Capri pants twice. I've tried to return a couple of your other items that were all sales final, which makes me look retail simple. And this is not the first, but the second time I will have returned the blue sweater.","LORELAI: Ooh, the Capri pants. Have you taken those back yet?","RORY: I can't show my face in any stores in New Haven. They think I'm Paper Mooning them.","LORELAI [proud]: Oh, she was very cute in Paper Moon. You're very cute, too.","RORY: Calling me cute is not going to persuade me. And I have classes. A life.","LORELAI: Monday afternoon. That's your free time, right? I remember some bragging to that effect. Go back on Monday.","RORY: Oh. Well, Monday used to be free.","LORELAI: Used to be? It's not free anymore?","RORY: I guess we haven't talked in a couple of days. Um, I actually got an internship.","LORELAI: Really?","RORY: Kind of an important high-profile one.","LORELAI: Wow! That's great!","RORY: It's for a newspaper in Stamford that Logan's dad acquired. He offered me the spot himself.","LORELAI: Logan's dad.","RORY: Yeah. It was kind of out of the blue.","LORELAI: So when did you hear?","RORY: Just a few days ago. I forgot I hadn't told you, I start on Monday.","LORELAI: Wow, congratulations!","RORY: It's a pretty amazing opportunity.","LORELAI: Yeah, sounds like it. You'll be having lunch with the off-bet editors from the Times. Hanging out with Peter Jennings. Dan Rather will be valet parking your car.","RORY: Yeah, it's more likely that I'll be pulling wire reports off the AP machine, but sure.","LORELAI: Good, good. So, no worries on the blue sweater front.","RORY: It's off my radar screen.","LORELAI: Really? So you're really not going to make the effort?","RORY: I'll see if I can swing by on Tuesday.","LORELAI: Just send your assistant. You're getting an assistant, right?","RORY: Oh, I'm sure. I'll see you Friday night.","LORELAI: Bye, hon.","RORY: Bye.","STARS HOLLOW - TWICKHAM HOUSE","[Luke walks into the diorama room.]","LUKE: Taylor?","TAYLOR [OS]: Hello, is someone out there?","LUKE: Where are you, Taylor?","TAYLOR [OS]: Over here! I can't move!","[Luke wanders through the room, notices the horse mannequin with the Jebediah family on top of it. Taylor's hand waves from underneath the pile.]","LUKE: Oh, I have got to get a camera.","[He walks over to look at Taylor.]","LUKE: How in the hell did you do this?","TAYLOR: I was doing a little light dusting, and was toying with the idea of repositioning the horse's hindquarters, and the whole thing came tumbling down.","LUKE: You can't leave anything alone, can you?","TAYLOR: Are you going to help me, or not? I feel like I've been lying here for days.","LUKE: You have not been lying here for days. Kirk came into the diner two hours ago.","TAYLOR: You waited two hours to come and get me?","LUKE: I have a business. I can't come running every time a family of mannequins decides to attack you.","[He starts to lift the horse off of Taylor.]","TAYLOR: Ow!","LUKE: Just lie still.","TAYLOR: Oh, this is so humiliating.","LUKE: Taylor, don't you think it's time?","TAYLOR: Time for what?","LUKE: You've been trapped under the Jebediahs for two hours and no one has come in here.","TAYLOR: What's your point, Luke?","LUKE: My point is the museum's a bust.","TAYLOR: Well, I'll admit. Attendance is low.","LUKE: No one is coming!","TAYLOR: I was reading an article about the power of bus bench ads for getting the word out. Very big in the music industry. Apparently the rapper, Fitty Cent, swears by them.","LUKE: Taylor, come on. Isn't it time to sell? Let somebody who really wants this place have it!","TAYLOR: I guess it is. I had such dreams.","LUKE: There'll be other dreams.","TAYLOR: I guess. You can resume your attempts to get me out of here.","LUKE: You're definitely ready to sell the house?","TAYLOR: Yes.","LUKE: Then let's get you out of here.","ELDER GILMORE'S HOUSE","[Emily, Richard and Rory are eating dinner.]","RORY: Tennis lessons? That sounds great, Grandma.","EMILY: I've always liked tennis. And I have to say, I'm excited by the prospect of getting some good, healthy exercise.","RICHARD: I'm excited by the prospect of those fetching tennis costumes.","EMILY: Richard, not in front of Rory.","RORY: Oh, I'm fairly worldly now, Grandma.","RICHARD: She was a heck of a tennis player in her day. And very competitive.","EMILY: I wasn't that competitive.","RICHARD: This woman was kicked off the field hockey team in Smith for elbowing Ceci Everetts in the neck.","EMILY: She got in my way.","RICHARD: And this happened in the parking lot after the game.","EMILY: Now, now. Rory, tell us a little more about this internship. It sounds very exciting.","RORY: Well, all I really know is that I'm going to be shadowing Mitchum Huntzberger, just to sort of learn and observe, plus pitching in here and there.","RICHARD: You are going to learn a hell of a lot.","EMILY: It was very sweet of Logan to arrange this for you.","RORY: Well, actually, Mitchum Huntzberger offered it to me himself.","EMILY [impressed]: Really?","RICHARD: Now, how about that? He just called you up? Your reputation for excellence preceded you?","RORY: Well, he came by Yale, actually. I had met him when I had dinner at his house, and then -","EMILY: Dinner? What dinner?","RORY: Um, just a dinner that Logan took me to.","RICHARD: At the Huntzbergers' house?","RORY: Well, yes.","EMILY: When? When?","RORY: About a week ago, I guess.","RICHARD: Good Lord.","EMILY: Richard, it's already been a week!","RICHARD: We need to invite him right away!","RORY: Who?","EMILY: Logan! The ball's been dropped!","RICHARD: I'll put an invite in the mail first thing tomorrow.","EMILY: We really should have had him over first. We probably should call him as well.","RICHARD: We could messenger it in by tonight, it isn't even eight.","RORY: Well, it's really nice of you to want to have him over, really, but you don't need to.","EMILY: Rory, if you could mention it to him yourself, preferably tonight, I'll get a note over to him tomorrow.","RICHARD: He'll need a choice of dates.","EMILY: I'll get my book.","RICHARD: I'll get mine, too.","[They get up and rush off.]","EMILY: Rory!","RORY: Mm! Oh, call him now!","RICHARD: Right now, right now, right now.","RORY: Oh, okay!","[She gets up and goes to the phone. Scene cuts between the Gilmore's living room and Logan's dorm, where he is reading on the couch.]","LOGAN: Hello?","RORY: Listen. You're going to be getting a note from the Gilmores sometime soon. Maybe in the mail, maybe hand delivered tonight. For all I know, a carrier pigeon is heading for your room as we speak. You might want to open your window.","LOGAN: Why is a carrier pigeon heading here?","RORY: They want to have you over for dinner.","LOGAN: Oh.","RORY: They're flipping out about it. She's sending an apology for being so remiss as to wait one whole week since I had dinner at your house to extend an invitation. I mean, they're losing it. So I'm calling to warn you, and, I want you to know, I didn't suggest us having dinner with them or encourage it in any way. And I definitely did not refer to you as my b-word in front of them or even imply it in any way. Because, you know, I'm really happy with the way things have been going and I don't want any pressure put on us, and I'm sorry, and I think I already said that, and that's it.","LOGAN: What are the odds of getting out of this?","RORY: Pretty much zero.","LOGAN: Then let's do it.","RORY: Really?","LOGAN: Yeah, it won't be so bad.","RORY: Well, you are a true gentleman. [She hears a bang from Logan's end of the phone.] Oh, my God, what was that?","LOGAN: Carrier pigeon. Should have opened the window.","RORY: Not funny.","LOGAN: Kinda funny.","RORY [smiling]: Bye.","LOGAN: Bye.","LUKE'S DINER","[Luke serves Lorelai dinner.]","LUKE : Burger rare, cheddar cheese, barbecue sauce on the side.","LORELAI: Oh, hey, save Rory some lemon pie.","LUKE: Rory's coming in tonight?","LORELAI: Yeah, she's going to see Lane's band play at Positively Four Street tonight. They have the coveted three in the morning slot.","LUKE: I hear that's how Zeppelin started.","LORELAI: Yeah, her genius plan is to come home, go to bed early, set the clock for two, get up and go rock.","LUKE: Solid plan.","LORELAI: Yes, except that when the clock goes off at two, she will be dead asleep and won't hear it. I, however, will. I will then proceed to get up, drag myself downstairs, recreating a classic Zucker Brothers moment and then I'll shake her awake. She'll get up, throw on some jeans, a t-shirt, and no make-up and look like a Neutrogena ad, whereas once she leaves, I'll pass out on the couch, too exhausted to make it all the way upstairs, and in the morning I will have bags under my eyes that should have Tumi stamped on them. I love being a mom. [They see some men carrying a mannequin down the street.] Aw. Are the guys in town unusually lonely these days?","LUKE: No, they're from the museum. I think they're getting ready to close it.","LORELAI: Close it? No! Why?","LUKE: Oh, well, you know, no one was going.","LORELAI: I was going.","LUKE: Oh, well, you went once.","LORELAI: No, I was going to go again! Just as soon as the nightmares about the 'I love Jesus' mannequin subsided.","LUKE: Well, you saw it once.","LORELAI [sighs]: I guess.","[Rory enters.]","RORY: Here's your sweater, and I hope you're happy, because the saleswoman called me a name. Where's my pie?","LORELAI: Luke! Pie!","[She pulls the sweater out of the bag and wrinkles her nose.]","LORELAI: What do we think?","RORY: It's great.","LORELAI: Huh.","RORY: No.","LORELAI: I thought it was light blue.","RORY: No, it was dark blue.","LORELAI: Oh. Did they have one that was light blue?","RORY: You are officially banned from ever shopping in New Haven again.","LORELAI: Well, thank God I have you to do it for me.","[Luke brings over Rory's pie.]","RORY: Hey, Luke. You're the only one I like around here at the moment.","LUKE: Right back at you.","LORELAI: Okay, so, other than your stylist duties, what else is going on in the life of the young and hopeful?","RORY: I'm considering taking Russian.","LORELAI: Oh, very practical. How's Logan?","RORY: He's fine. Grandma and Grandpa invited him to dinner.","LORELAI: You're kidding.","RORY: It was actually less of an invite and more of a freak-out. They heard about the dinner I went to.","LORELAI: Heard how much?","RORY: The Reader's Digest version.","LORELAI: Got it.","RORY: Apparently they've already exceeded the polite reciprocal invite window, and if he doesn't come to dinner soon, Grandma has to give back her pearls.","LORELAI: Wow. So, um, when is this dinner happening?","RORY: Three dates were proposed. Logan's picking one of them.","LORELAI: Huh. So it should be an interesting evening.","RORY: Yep. I'll take notes and pictures.","LORELAI: Cool, okay. You do that.","LORELAI'S HOUSE - RORY'S BEDROOM","[The digital clock says it is 12:30. Lorelai suddenly pounces on sleeping Rory. Rory whines.]","LORELAI: I want to go to dinner.","RORY: Where's the clock?","LORELAI: I mean, you said that I could meet Logan properly, and you know how good I am when there's food involved!","RORY: Twelve thirty!","LORELAI: I mean, is there a reason I wasn't invited?","RORY: Ah. Can't we talk about this tomorrow?","LORELAI: It is tomorrow. I just don't think it's right that they get first dibs on him. I mean, I am your mom, and we are very close, in case you haven't heard, and I should get to know him first!","RORY: Grandma and Grandpa already know him!","LORELAI: Huh! Okay, so they have a head start! Fine. But I bet they won't know him, know him like I will know him if you let me go to dinner.","RORY: I didn't think you'd want to come to dinner.","LORELAI: Why not?","RORY: Well, it's at their house, first of all, and I don't know how you feel about the Logan situation.","LORELAI: Hey, this guy is in your life and I want to know him. Don't you want me to know him?","RORY: Of course I want you to know him.","LORELAI: Okay, so -","RORY: I'd love for you to come to dinner.","LORELAI: Great! Good. You call Grandma for me. [She gets up and heads out the door.]","RORY: No way!","LORELAI [startled, turns around]: Why not?","RORY: You want to come to dinner, you call Grandma!","LORELAI: But I'm not talking to Grandma.","RORY: Well, you're going to have to talk to her if you come to dinner!","LORELAI: No, I won't.","RORY: Mom!","LORELAI: No. I am there to talk to Logan. To get to know him. I mean, other than the fact that he's blond, rich and straight, I'm out.","RORY: You're not going to come to dinner and ignore Grandma.","LORELAI: I will not be ignoring her. I just don't think I'll get to her.","RORY: What?","LORELAI: Well, I've heard through the grapevine that Logan is so chatty that once you get him started there's no shutting him up.","RORY: Mom, forget it. If you want to go, then you are going to have to call Grandma and tell her that you're going!","LORELAI: But -","RORY: Now, I have to get up in two hours! So, if you don't mind, beat it!","LORELAI: But -","RORY: Hey! Sleeping!","[Rory shoos Lorelai out of her room. Lorelai turns on the light as she leaves.]","RORY: Mom!","LORELAI [flips it back off]: Sorry!","STAMFORD EAGLE GAZETTE","[Rory gets off the elevator. She looks lost.]","RECEPTIONIST: Can I help you?","RORY: I was just trying to figure out if I'm in the right place.","RECEPTIONIST: Were you hoping to be in some sort of newspaper office?","RORY: Yes, I was. I'm Rory Gilmore, I'm an intern. Mitchum, uh, Mr. Huntzberger, hired me. For nothing, of course, because an intern makes nothing and they're happy to do it. I'm new.","RECEPTIONIST: Here's a temporary I.D. Sometime today, stop by and see Al Carson. He'll take a picture and give you a permanent one.","RORY: I've never had a picture I.D. before! I'll take very good care of it. Is there a fine if you lose it?","RECEPTIONIST: No fine.","RORY: Well, I still won't lose it. I promise.","RECEPTIONIST: Okay, you need to go see Harry, he deals with interns. [She presses a button on her switchboard.] Good morning, Eagle Gazette. Please hold. [She presses a button again.] Good morning, Eagle Gazette.","RORY: Uh, where do I find Harry?","RECEPTIONIST [waves her hand toward some cubicles]: I'm sorry, Mr. Wallace won't be in until this afternoon. Uh-huh.","[Rory wanders toward the cubicles, still looking very lost.]","RORY: Harry? [She waits and then, a little louder] Harry!","[A man stands up.]","HARRY: Who called Harry?","RORY [waving]: I did! I called Harry! Hi! I'm Rory Gilmore. Um, I'm an intern, I have I.D., and -","HARRY: Okay. This is basically the newsroom. Reporters, support staff over there, the composing room where we do paste-up. It's called paste-up because it used to be done with -","RORY: Scissors and paste!","HARRY: Right, but now we do it on a Mac. In that cabinet are all our back-issues. '95 to present are on CD-ROM, earlier on microfiche. If you use the microreader, make sure you turn it off, because the bulb is too hot and melts the stuff.","RORY [digging in her pockets]: Boy, I sure wish I had a pencil.","HARRY: This is Tom Firth's desk. He writes Firth Things First on the op-ed. That's Ed Rose, circulation, advertising. In case of fire, stairs are that way. This is the kitchen. Coffee, stale donuts. If you finish a pot, you make a new one.","MAN [calls from OS]: Harry!","HARRY: Be right back.","[Rory is impressed by the coffee room. She pours herself a cup, takes out her camera phone and poses by the water cooler to take a photo of herself. She hears a commotion outside the door.]","WOMAN: Is he here yet?","MAN: Huntzberger's here.","[The staff huddle around nervously.]","HARRY: Huntzberger's here.","RORY: Where?","HARRY: He's one of those guys there.","RORY: Yeah, in the middle. Striped tie.","HARRY: You know Huntzberger?","RORY: Yes.","HARRY: Really? What's he like?","RORY: Um, Episcopalian. Second of four children, oldest boy. And um, hates peas.","[A man, assumed to be the previous manager of the newspaper, is giving Mitchum a tour.]","MANAGER: This is Stan Mercer, circulation. Les Cavanaugh, city beat. Stephanie Fitz-Simmons, photo editor. And this is Patel [pause] Kandrasaskar. He's our resident computer whiz.","MITCHUM: Okay. Lot of people, lot of names, and I promise I'll learn some of them. [The staff laughs politely.] We'll talk more about this at the general meeting, but I want you people to understand that the Huntzberger Publishing Group isn't going to change what you do. We're going to help you do what you do better. All right, I want to get all the department heads gathered in the conference room in ten minutes. Someone make some coffee. Rory?","RORY: Yes sir?","MITCHUM: You ready to shadow me?","RORY: Yes, sir!","MITCHUM: Let's go.","[They start walking down the hall. Rory stops to set down her coffee, turns around and they are gone. She turns to Harry.]","RORY: Did you see where they went?","[Harry shrugs. Rory looks upset and takes off down one of the halls.]","DRAGONFLY INN - FRONT DESK","[Lorelai is glaring at the phone. She finally picks it up and dials a number. After one ring, Emily picks up.]","EMILY: Hello?","[Lorelai opens her mouth, but no sound comes out.]","EMILY: Hello? Who are you looking for? Did you dial the wrong number? You know, it's very rude to dial someone and then just sit there on the phone without so much as a grunt or a moan.","[Lorelai opens her mouth to speak again.]","EMILY: I mean, as far as perverted phone calls go, this is a very poor one.","LORELAI [sighs]: Mom, hello.","EMILY: Lorelai? Is Rory okay?","LORELAI: Yeah, Rory's fine.","EMILY: Did somebody die? Who died?","LORELAI: Nobody died, Mom. Everyone we know is fine.","EMILY: Then why are you calling?","LORELAI: Well, I was wondering -","EMILY: Yes.","LORELAI: I just wanted to give you a heads up that I was thinking I might come to Friday night dinner. [Pause.] Mom, hello?","EMILY: When?","LORELAI: Um, Friday night?","EMILY: This Friday night?","LORELAI: Yes.","EMILY: The night that Logan Huntzberger is coming to dinner.","LORELAI: I guess. Sure.","EMILY: Well, that's quite a coincidence, isn't it? That Logan's coming to dinner the night that you're suddenly free.","LORELAI: Well, I guess so.","EMILY: Do you really think that it's going to work this way?","LORELAI: What way?","EMILY: That you just check the itinerary and pick which Friday night dinners you'll deign to come to, and which ones you won't?","LORELAI: I am not picking. It just happened that this Friday I -","EMILY: Did you wait 'till we have a guest like the Pope for dinner and then say, oh, yes, well, now it's worth my while to have dinner with my family, I get to meet the Pope.","LORELAI: You're Protestant, Mom.","EMILY: You do not get to cherry-pick which Friday night dinners you attend. It does not work that way. It's never worked that way.","LORELAI: I wasn't cherry-picking.","EMILY: If you come to this dinner, you come to them all. That's the deal.","LORELAI: Well, I'm really not sure that I'm free every Friday night from now through eternity.","EMILY: If you come to this dinner then you come to them all. That's the deal.","LORELAI: As I said before, I'm just not sure about my schedule -","EMILY: Well, I'll tell you what. You go check that schedule of yours. If you show up on Friday night, the night that Logan Huntzberger happens to be here, then I'll assume that you've discovered that your Fridays, at least for the foreseeable future, are free. Good-bye.","[She hangs up the phone.]","STAMFORD EAGLE GAZETTE","[Mitchum and his colleagues are walking through the building, talking business. Rory is struggling to keep up.]","MITCHUM: I'm saying it's these little costs that's having you drop your hard correspondents. How much are you paying for syndicated features? You run Dear Abby, and Ann Landers, and Ask Vicky. How many different ways do the people in this community need to hear 'honey, he ain't going to change, dump his ass.'?","[Rory, several paces behind the group, takes off her heeled shoes and jogs a little bit to catch up.]","MANAGER: I'd like to get that physical plant tour in before five.","MITCHUM: Well, if we're in a holding pattern, why don't you start getting into those circulation issues?","[The other men leave Mitchum alone with Rory. He is reading a file.]","RORY: Wow. The ability to run a four minute mile would come in pretty handy right about now, huh?","MITCHUM: Sorry?","RORY: A four minute mile?","MITCHUM [looks up, confused]: I don't follow.","RORY: At Yale. Uh, track and field. You ran a four minute mile.","MITCHUM: Oh. Right.","RORY: That's fast. Four minute mile, whoosh!","MANAGER [emerging from the conference room]: Dan's going to need another ten. Why don't I take you into Ron Stone's, we'll talk some advertising.","MITCHUM: Let's do it.","[They walk into a nearby office. Rory sighs and starts to follow. The door is shut in her face. She is unsure of whether to open the door or not. Harry walks by.]","HARRY: If you're looking for Huntzberger, he went in there.","[He points at the door.]","RORY [sarcastic]: Oh, thanks.","[She hesitates on opening the door again, but decides not to. She walks into a nearby cubicle and picks up the phone. Scene cuts to Logan, working on his laptop.]","LOGAN: Hello?","RORY: Help, help, help!","LOGAN: What's the matter, Ace?","RORY: Nothing! I've just won the Spaz of the Year award. I believe it'll be on the front page of the Gazette tomorrow.","LOGAN: Oh, I'm sure it's not that bad.","RORY: I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know where anybody is. I can't walk in these shoes. I got a run in my pantyhose. I ran into a file cabinet.","LOGAN: Slow down!","RORY: I didn't even know if I was supposed to go to lunch when everybody went to lunch, so I just stood in the break room for, like, forty-five minutes! And then I ate an Altoid.","LOGAN: It's the first day. It'll get better.","RORY: Your father must think I'm an idiot.","LOGAN: I'm sure he doesn't.","RORY: I need some help. I need something to say to him other than, 'yes, the bleeding stopped, thanks'.","LOGAN: Hey, I think that's pretty good.","RORY: Logan, please. Give me something. Something I can use to connect with him.","LOGAN: I don't know!","RORY: You do know. This is important to me, Logan. Please?","LOGAN [sighs]: He likes jazz, but not when it gets too experimental, and he hates when they quote My Favorite Things.","RORY: What?","LOGAN: My Favorite Things, from the Sound of Music.","RORY [writing on a notepad]: Okay. Good. Go on.","LOGAN: Uh, he lets people go at seven, but he keeps going 'till eight thirty or nine, and he notices the people who stay. He hates double talk, but he's really good at it. And, uh, he has high blood pressure so he switches to decaf after four.","RORY: That's good. That's almost something.","LOGAN: Don't worry, Ace, I'm sure you're doing fine.","RORY: I just don't want your father to be disappointed in me.","LOGAN: Rory, in order for my dad to be truly disappointed in you, your name would have to be Logan.","RORY: I'm sure that's not true.","LOGAN: Uh-huh.","RORY: Thanks, Logan.","LOGAN: Go get 'em, Ace.","[She hangs up and adds to her notes.]","LUKE'S APARTMENT","[Luke serves Lorelai a plate of food.]","LORELAI: Oh my God, this smells good. What is this?","LUKE: It's nothing. Just some soft-shelled crab amandine on a bed of wild rice.","LORELAI: Okay. There is no sentence in the English language that begins with 'it's nothing' and contains the word amandine. Happy. [Her cell phone rings.] Oh, my God, your girlfriend is so important. [She answers it.] Hello?","RICHARD: Lorelai.","LORELAI: Hey, Dad.","RICHARD: Something very remarkable happened today. I got a call from someone wanting to know if I was Lorelai Gilmore's father.","LORELAI: Really?","RICHARD: Outside the context of trouble at school, that's the first time anyone's ever asked me that.","LORELAI: And why did someone ask you that?","RICHARD: Well, one of our clients is the Durham Group. Do you know them?","LORELAI: They, um, own hotels?","RICHARD: They own boutique inns. The CEO, Mike Armstrong, is good friends with Twee Silverman, who is the publisher of American Travel. It seems there's quite an article coming out about you and Sookie and your success at the Dragonfly. According to Twee, it's the cover story of the May issue.","LORELAI [troubled, to Luke]: The article's coming out! Uh, Dad, did your guy happen to talk about what's in the article?","RICHARD: I don't think he read it. Twee clued him in because she knows he's always looking for up-and-comers. Apparently, you are an up-and-comer.","LORELAI [to Luke]: I'm an up-and-comer!","RICHARD: Long story short, Lorelai, Mike Armstrong would like to take a meeting with you.","LORELAI: Why?","RICHARD: Well, he's in the inn business. I assume he wants to offer you some sort of job.","LORELAI: Dad, I have a job. Apparently you can read all about it in May.","RICHARD: He asked if you traveled much.","LORELAI: He wants to know where I go on vacation?","RICHARD: Well, he was referring to business travel. Perhaps the position involves travel. Do you travel? I wasn't really sure.","LORELAI: Well, the liquor store is a little further out than I'd like, but -","RICHARD: Lorelai.","LORELAI: Yeah, Dad. I travel. Sometimes.","RICHARD: Well, good! I'll have my secretary fax the contact information to your home fax tonight and you can call him in the morning.","LORELAI: Dad, I don't have a home fax.","RICHARD: I don't see how you can do business on this level and not have a home fax.","LORELAI: Yeah, we're all confounded by that, yes.","RICHARD: Call my office in the morning. I'm quite proud of you, Lorelai.","LORELAI: Thanks, Dad.","[She flips her phone shut.]","LORELAI: They're running the article!","LUKE: Good, I'm glad that they're running the article. I never liked that you pulled it.","LORELAI: Yes, well, if you recall, I pulled it only after I suggested my mother might have been personally responsible for global warming!","LUKE: Are you seriously worried that things might get worse between you and your mother?","LORELAI: Good point.","LUKE: So what's all this stuff about you traveling?","LORELAI: Oh, some guy my dad knows wants to offer me a job and apparently there's travel involved.","LUKE: You have a job.","LORELAI: I know, but companies like this would probably want to buy the inn and, I don't know, keep me on to manage it, or send me out as a consultant.","LUKE: Buy the inn, you just opened the inn!","LORELAI: I know.","LUKE: You don't want to sell the inn!","LORELAI: I know!","LUKE: I mean, who are these people, coming in from out of the blue with this stuff?","LORELAI: I don't know. It's just some guy who called my dad and wants to meet me.","LUKE: Well, this is crazy. You don't want to meet with this guy.","LORELAI: Luke, I'm not interested, so it doesn't matter. I have no intention of meeting with this guy. I'm happy with what I've got.","LUKE: Good.","[There is silence for a moment. Luke appears to be thinking.]","LUKE: You know what? You should meet with this guy.","LORELAI: My daughter, my sister, my daughter, my sister, my daughter -","LUKE: I'm serious. Even if you're not interested, I mean, it's good people are talking about you and your business. I mean, just take the meeting. It's - it's contacts. It's networking. Right? That's the right word, networking?","LORELAI: I think.","LUKE: Well, then you should network.","LORELAI: All right. Well, I'll think about it.","LUKE: Good, good.","LORELAI [pointing at the food]: Good.","[Luke smiles.]","ELDER GILMORE'S HOUSE","[The maid, Beatrice, is setting the table. Emily enters.]","EMILY: Beatrice.","BEATRICE: Yes, ma'am.","EMILY: Do you know what these are?","BEATRICE: Lilies.","EMILY: Fragrant lilies. Would you like to eat dinner with fragrant lilies in the room?","BEATRICE: Yes.","EMILY: Well, then you're insane! I don't know how you think my guests are supposed to enjoy their dinner with this floral reek wafting up their noses! Move them to the living room and bring the peonies in here.","BEATRICE: Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am.","[She carries the flowers away. Richard enters.]","RICHARD: Everything looks lovely.","EMILY: Does it?","RICHARD: Yes, and so do you. What's on the dinner menu tonight?","EMILY [straightening his bow tie]: Roast beef. Oh, I hope Logan's not some kind of vegetarian.","RICHARD: Well, his grandfather owned ten thousand head of cattle. I sincerely doubt it. You know, I've just been thinking. The Huntzbergers will all be transferring down to Martha's Vineyard soon.","EMILY: Mid-June, every year. I'm sure Logan's there for some of that.","RICHARD: They have six acres there. It's quite a spread.","EMILY: They've held their share of functions down there, too. Graduations, parties, weddings.","RICHARD: Maybe it's time for us, Emily.","EMILY: Time for what?","RICHARD: Time to acquire an acreage. A compound for the extended family.","EMILY: A place on Cape Cod!","RICHARD: Our own Kennebunkport. Get it all ready for the next generation.","EMILY: The Cape's as good as the Vineyard for a wedding.","RICHARD: Or some would say better.","EMILY: Sandier beaches, too. Children love sandy beaches. Just love running and playing on them.","[The doorbell rings.]","RICHARD: Oh, damn. I forgot to fill the ice bucket.","EMILY: Go get, it. I'll get the door.","[They turn to go. Emily turns back.]","EMILY: Richard! Picture his blond hair and her blue eyes on a little baby!","RICHARD: Incomparable!","[Emily answers the door. It is Lorelai. Emily is visibly disappointed.]","LORELAI: Hi, Mom.","EMILY: Oh. Come in.","LORELAI: Thanks.","[She takes off her coat.]","EMILY [walking away, she calls out]: Beatrice, take my daughter's coat!","[Beatrice does.]","LORELAI [awkwardly]: Thank you.","[She follows Emily into the dining room.]","EMILY: What are you doing here?","LORELAI: I don't know, I just followed you.","EMILY: Richard, come out here and sit with Lorelai.","RICHARD [OS]: Coming!","LORELAI: Mom, it's okay. I can sit by myself.","RICHARD [enters with the ice bucket]: You need me to sit with Lorelai?","LORELAI: I'm fine. I swear. I have been sitting without any help since I was two and a half.","RICHARD: No, that's all right. I don't mind. Come along.","[They enter the living room.]","RICHARD: Please, sit. Sit.","LORELAI: There's a lot of pressure to do it right now.","RICHARD: So, did you ring Mike Armstrong?","LORELAI: I did. We have a meeting set up for tomorrow.","RICHARD: Oh, good. Good, I'm glad. Mike is very big in that business. I think you'll find him a valuable -","EMILY [OS]: Richard! I need help in here!","RICHARD: I'm sitting with Lorelai, Emily!","LORELAI: Dad, really. It's okay. I promise not to stick my finger in any sockets.","RICHARD: Well, all right. [To Emily] Here I come. What sort of help do you need, my dear?","[Lorelai sighs, alone in the living room.]","ELDER GILMORE HOUSE - OUTSIDE","[Logan and Rory get out of his car. Logan rushes around to open her car door, but she beats him to it.]","RORY: You know, you're not obligated to be polite until we're actually inside my grandparents' house.","LOGAN: Good. Allow me to use these brief moments of time to make disgusting noises with my armpits.","RORY: Oh, would you? So, this is going to be quick and painless. Believe me, my grandparents like you better than they liked Ronald Reagan.","LOGAN: Wow. High praise.","[He takes two gift wrapped boxes out of the back seat.]","RORY: What are those?","LOGAN: Hostess gifts. Never a bad idea to bring hostess gifts.","RORY: Well played, Huntzberger!","LOGAN: So what about your mom? She going to be cool?","RORY: Of course she'll be cool. She's the essence of cool. Cool's her street name. She's got it monogrammed on her towels and everything.","LOGAN: Well, if she's got it monogrammed on her towels, there's nothing to worry about.","[Rory rings the doorbell.]","RORY: What'd you bring, anyway?","LOGAN: Cigars for Richard, chocolates for Emily, and Mrs. Eleanor Shubick's silver lighter.","RORY: Huh? What's that for?","[Emily and Richard answer the door.]","EMILY: Rory! Logan, welcome!","RICHARD: Come in, come in!","RORY: Hi, Grandma!","EMILY: Hello! And our guest of honor.","RICHARD: L'invit\u00e9 d'honneur.","LOGAN: How are you, Richard? Emily?","EMILY: Wonderful, now.","RICHARD: Yes, wonderful.","EMILY: Oh, look at you two, you're just perfect. Aren't they perfect, Richard?","RICHARD: Perfect.","RORY: We're not perfect.","EMILY: Nonsense, you're perfect!","LOGAN: No, she's right. I've got split ends like you wouldn't believe.","[Emily and Richard laugh.]","RICHARD: And a sense of humor.","LOGAN: Emily, these are for you. A small token of my gratitude.","EMILY: Vunderschen chocolates, I absolutely adore these!","LOGAN: I picked them up last time I was in Switzerland.","EMILY: Well, aren't you clever.","LOGAN: And here's a little something for you, sir.","RICHARD: Oh, Romeo y Julietas. You are a good man, Logan Huntzberger!","EMILY: Come on, let's all go in the living room, shall we?","[Emily takes Logan's arm, and Richard takes Rory's. They enter the living room.]","EMILY: I just adore this jacket you're wearing. Isn't this a fine jacket, Richard?","RICHARD: Oh, I like how the lapels are cut. Aren't those nice lapels, Rory?","RORY: Uh, sure, Grandpa. His lapels look great.","RICHARD: Most modern tailors cut lapels too low. It's so sloppy, having one's lapels hang down around the chest like a basset hound's ears or something.","EMILY: But those are excellent.","RICHARD: Oh, they really are.","RORY [notices Lorelai]: Hi, Mom.","LORELAI: Hey, how am I sitting?","RORY: Great. Mom, you remember -","EMILY: Logan, this is Rory's mother, Lorelai. Lorelai, this is Logan Huntzberger.","LORELAI: Yes, we've met, actually. Nice to see you again, Logan.","LOGAN: Nice to see you.","EMILY: Come on, sit, sit, sit. Let's get drink orders.","RICHARD: Mm.","EMILY: Logan, what will you have?","LOGAN: McKellen neat, if you have it.","EMILY: Oh, I adore a man who drinks his scotch neat.","RICHARD: That is a fine drink indeed.","EMILY: Rory?","RORY: Just club soda.","EMILY: So demure. Isn't she demure?","LOGAN: The demurest.","RICHARD: One club soda.","EMILY: And your usual, Lorelai? A sidecar?","LORELAI: Sidecar? No.","EMILY: Isn't that your drink?","LORELAI: No, my drink is a martini. It's always been a martini.","EMILY: Really?","LORELAI: Yes. Pretty much every one of the other eight thousand times I've had a drink here it's been a martini.","EMILY: I would've sworn you were a sidecar girl.","LORELAI: Not even sure what's in a sidecar, Mom.","EMILY: Well, Richard, apparently Lorelai would like a martini.","RICHARD: Can do.","EMILY: I just can't get over those lapels.","RORY: Grandma and Grandpa are very taken with Logan's lapels.","LORELAI: They look fine to me.","EMILY: You'll have to excuse Lorelai, Logan. It takes a certain eye to be aware of this kind of thing.","RICHARD: One scotch neat, and a club soda.","LOGAN: Thank you.","RORY: Thanks, Grandpa.","RICHARD: And one martini. [He returns to the bar to make it.]","EMILY: That's with a twist, Lorelai?","LORELAI: Nope. An olive.","EMILY: In a vodka martini?","LORELAI: Not vodka, Mom. Gin. It's always been gin. Gin martini.","EMILY: Really?","LORELAI: Yes! Always!","EMILY: I don't remember that at all.","LORELAI: Uh, so. Logan. Where exactly do you live at Yale? Are you in Rory's building?","LOGAN: No, I'm at Berkeley.","LORELAI: Is that far from Rory?","LOGAN: No, I'd say it's about ninety Kropogs or so.","RICHARD: Kropogs! Did somebody say Kropogs?","EMILY [laughing]: Kropogs. Now that is clever.","[Everyone laughs.]","LORELAI: Uh, fill me in here. What's a Kropog?","LOGAN: Years ago, someone at Yale started measuring things based on the height of a kid named Kropog.","RICHARD [sitting down]: I can't believe that today's Elis are still using Kropogs. Now that is really something. Maxwell T. Kropog was his name, class of forty-four. Oh, Lorelai, I'm sorry. I forgot your drink. I made it and everything.","LORELAI: Well, you remembered now.","[Richard starts to get up.]","EMILY: No, Richard, stay, I'll get it.","RICHARD: I'm glad to hear that Kropog is still part of the Yale vernacular. Tradition is so important.","RORY: Why don't we talk about something other than Yale?","EMILY: Nonsense, there's nothing better to talk about than Yale. Because Yale men are the greatest. I dated a few Princeton men and a Harvard man back in my day, and they had nothing on Yale men.","RICHARD: They'd better not.","EMILY [handing Lorelai her drink]: Here you go, Lorelai.","[Lorelai takes the martini, looks at it, and looks back at Emily.]","LORELAI: Mom, there's an onion in here.","EMILY: Is that not what you wanted?","LORELAI: Olive. I said olive.","EMILY: Well, I heard onion.","LORELAI: Well, I said olive.","EMILY [glances at Logan and gets up]: Let me get you an olive.","LATER","[Lorelai sadly holds her empty martini glass.]","EMILY: And the racquets have changed too. Honestly, the people at the club must have thought I was there to play badminton when I showed up with my old wooden thing.","LOGAN: Oh, you have to get a new racquet, Emily. The materials available today make all the difference.","RICHARD: I told her the same thing.","LOGAN: I know this guy, he's one of the top manufacturers of ceramic racquets. Pete Sampras loves them. I could totally set you up.","EMILY: Did you hear that, Richard? Logan can set me up!","RICHARD: Well, how about that!","BEATRICE [entering]: Dinner is ready, Mrs. Gilmore.","RICHARD: Well, shall we?","EMILY: I'm just going to pop into the kitchen to check on a thing or two. Richard, will you come carve the roast?","RICHARD: Certainly.","LORELAI: Is there going to be alcohol with dinner, Mom?","EMILY: What?","LORELAI: You know, booze? 'Cause I haven't been able to get even a Kropog of gin since that first drink.","RICHARD: A Kropog is a unit of distance, Lorelai. Not volume.","EMILY: And there'll be wine with the meal. There's always wine with the meal, Lorelai! Honestly! You're acting as if you've never been here.","[Emily and Richard walk out.]","LORELAI: Sorry. Just wasn't sure.","[Rory, Logan and Lorelai stare awkwardly at the table.]","LOGAN: Roast. Sounds good.","RORY: It does.","LORELAI: Yeah. Who doesn't like a good roast?","[They get up to go into the dining room. Lorelai goes ahead, but is still within earshot. Logan holds Rory back.]","RORY: What are you doing?","LOGAN: A little Life and Death Brigade business. Every time we're in a rich person's house we take a knick-knack. Then I leave the knick-knack I took from the last rich person's house. I've been doing this up and down the eastern seaboard for years.","[He picks up a small box from a table, replaces it with the lighter from his pocket, and takes the box. Lorelai sees this, and disapproves, but goes into the living room without saying anything.]","RORY: Logan, no.","LOGAN: Trust me. They never notice.","RORY [smiling]: You're crazy!","LOGAN: It's fun to be crazy.","[They join Lorelai in the dining room.]","RORY [referring to the chairs on the side of the table]: Grandma probably wants us here.","EMILY [entering]: All right, the salads will be out in just a moment. Everybody, sit.","[Emily walks around the table, then stops, staring at the living room.]","EMILY: Wait a minute.","RICHARD: What's wrong, Emily?","EMILY [walking into the living room]: Well, I don't know. Wait. My antique sewing box! It's missing!","RICHARD: Well, that can't be.","EMILY: It is! It's gone! Was it here during drinks?","RICHARD: Well, I can't say that I noticed.","[Beatrice approaches.]","EMILY: You, hovering there! What do you know about this?","BEATRICE: Ma'am?","EMILY: My antique sewing box. Did you move it somewhere?","BEATRICE: No.","EMILY: And yet it's not here. Do you have any explanation as to why it's not here, Beatrice?","LORELAI [from the table]: I'm sure it's just a mix-up, Mom.","EMILY: And - what's this? What's this lighter? Richard, is this from the pool house?","[Lorelai glares across the table at Logan.]","RICHARD: Well, I don't recognize it, but, well, you never know. One of the guys might have left it after a poker game.","EMILY: Well, Beatrice. I don't know what to say. I almost feel like I should go through the whole house and make sure nothing else has been misplaced.","LORELAI: Mom, I found it.","EMILY [not hearing her]: However, we have company and I don't want to be rude.","[Lorelai holds out her hand to Logan. He hesitates, and then gives her the box.]","EMILY: Let's just leave it for later and then you and I will have a very serious discussion.","LORELAI: Mom, I found it!","EMILY: What?","LORELAI: Yeah, here it is.","EMILY: Really? Where was it?","LORELAI: Behind the centerpiece. I guess the flowers kind of hid it.","EMILY: Behind the centerpiece?","[Beatrice sees the box, and smiles.]","EMILY: What on earth are you smiling about?","BEATRICE: I'm just glad you found it.","EMILY: Would you please go into the kitchen and bring out the salad course? [Beatrice leaves. Emily sits down.] Rory, Logan, I'm so sorry.","RICHARD: Well, never a dull moment, as we say.","EMILY: Ah, here we are. Avocado salad with beet dressing.","[Beatrice serves the salad.]","RICHARD: Oh, wonderful. I'm starving.","[Lorelai, Logan and Rory exchange looks. Rory looks ashamed, Lorelai looks angry and Logan looks defiant.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","LATER","[Dessert and coffee time.]","LOGAN: Believe me, Rory's the real star at the Yale Daily News. People hate her.","EMILY: They hate you?","RORY: I'm not hated. Am I hated?","LOGAN: She's had more pieces printed above the fold this year than anyone.","RICHARD: Well, you are both enormously talented. Because if you have one tenth of your father's ability, young man, you are going to go straight to the top.","EMILY: A power couple. That's what you are.","RICHARD: We were thrilled to hear that Rory is going to be working with your father, Logan.","RORY: I'm not really working with him. Just near him, more like.","LOGAN: She's knocking them dead over there. Now if I can just get her to relax.","RORY: I relax.","EMILY: Speaking of relaxation, does your family still have their place on Martha's Vineyard?","LOGAN: I think they bought it from Martha. They're not giving that up. It's not going anywhere.","EMILY: It's lovely in the vineyard. A few years ago, Richard and I attended a wedding there. I thought there could be no more gorgeous a spot for a wedding.","LOGAN: It's beautiful.","EMILY: But then we went to one on Cape Cod and it was wonderful too. Either place would be good for a wedding, don't you think?","[Lorelai glares.]","LOGAN: Sure, I've been to weddings at the Cape myself.","EMILY: So you like Cape Cod?","LOGAN: Yes.","EMILY: We like Cape Cod.","RICHARD [nodding]: Mm.","LOGAN: Great.","EMILY: And I know Rory would like Cape Cod.","RORY: I like what I've seen in pictures.","EMILY: You two would look awfully cute in Cape Cod.","[Logan grins.]","LORELAI: Mom, did you get a job at the Cape Cod chamber of commerce?","EMILY: No. [To Logan] There are a lot of kids in your family, aren't there?","LOGAN: Yeah. The extended family's been pretty busy procreating lately.","RICHARD: They have, have they?","EMILY: Do you like kids?","LOGAN: Sure.","EMILY: Kids love Cape Cod.","LORELAI: I think internships are a Communist plot.","RICHARD: What?","LORELAI: Forcing someone to work without pay? It's a little Pinko, isn't it? I mean, where's Roy Cohn when you need him?","EMILY: Have you lost your mind?","LORELAI [shaking her head around]: No, no. It's still sloshing around up there.","EMILY: Would you like another apple, Rory?","RORY: Oh, no thanks. They were really good, though.","EMILY: How about you, Logan? Apple?","LOGAN: Thank you, but I don't think I could eat another thing, and unfortunately we should be going. I have an early day tomorrow.","EMILY: Oh, Logan, an early day. I'm so sorry we kept you.","LOGAN: I wish I could stay longer.","EMILY: An early day is an early day. Beatrice, get their coats.","[Everyone gets up.]","LOGAN: I had a wonderful time. Thank you so much.","RORY: Yes, thank you, Grandma and Grandpa. It was great.","EMILY: Of course. We had a wonderful time too.","RORY [hugs Lorelai]: Bye, Mom.","LORELAI: Bye, hon. Goodnight, Logan. [They shake hands.]","LOGAN: Nice to see you again.","LORELAI: Nice seeing you again, too. I hope we can all do this -","EMILY: Lorelai, don't keep them. Logan has an early day tomorrow.","LORELAI: Sorry.","[Emily and Richard walk Rory and Logan to the door. Lorelai stays in the dining room. She sits at the table and leans her head in her hands.]","EMILY [OS]: Now, I'm going to hold you to your promise about that tennis racquet.","LOGAN [OS]: Oh, absolutely. I'll call you this week, or maybe I'll just shoot you an e-mail.","EMILY [OS]: Shoot me an e-mail. That is so clever.","RICHARD [OS]: That's good business sense, too. You have to utilize the latest technology or you'll fall behind.","[The door opens.]","EMILY [OS]: Now, would you look at that! What a cunning little car! I adore sports coupes.","RICHARD [OS]: Fine parking job, too.","[Lorelai rolls her eyes.]","RORY [OS]: Well, good bye, Grandma and Grandpa.","LOGAN [OS]: Thanks again.","EMILY [OS]: Good night, you two. Drive safe!","[They return to the dining room.]","EMILY: More coffee, Lorelai?","LORELAI: No. Thank you.","[Emily and Richard sit down. Lorelai looks at Emily.]","EMILY: What?","LORELAI: Um, nothing. Just on those National Geographic shows, people are so sweaty after a mating ritual. But you two are powder dry.","EMILY: What on earth are you talking about?","LORELAI: They're just kids, and they're still figuring things out, and they don't need you two dropping all these heavy-handed hints about weddings and babies and Cape Cod.","EMILY: You should be thrilled by this match, Lorelai.","LORELAI: Well, who says I'm not thrilled?","RICHARD: Well, you're not acting very thrilled.","LORELAI: I'm annoyed at you. That's why. Putting all this pressure on them? They are in their early twenties, for God's sake.","EMILY: You are letting your own personal tastes cloud your judgment of this boy. He is perfect for Rory, and you don't see it!","LORELAI: This is not about my personal taste!","EMILY: You're uncomfortable around people like Logan. He's not your type. That's well documented.","LORELAI: Oh, that was a nice not-so-subtle dig at Luke.","EMILY: Luke?","RICHARD: Who said anything about Luke?","EMILY: You're very sensitive tonight.","LORELAI: I'm not sensitive. It's just you're busy marrying Rory off into a family that wasn't even nice to her!","RICHARD: Who wasn't nice to her?","LORELAI: The Huntzbergers. She went over there for dinner and they treated her like trash.","RICHARD: I highly doubt that.","LORELAI: Well, they did!","RICHARD: If the Huntzbergers were so horrible to Rory, why on earth did Mitchum give her a very valuable internship?","LORELAI: He was buying her off.","RICHARD: So, the internship was like hush money?","LORELAI: Yes!","RICHARD: There's no money! It's an unpaid position!","LORELAI: It's a figure of speech.","RICHARD: Rory got this internship by making a contact. In a way, similar to me setting you up with Mike Armstrong. Is there something wrong with that?","LORELAI: No.","RICHARD: I concur.","LORELAI: There is still something wrong with this internship.","EMILY: My God, you're paranoid.","LORELAI: I am not paranoid! And Logan did not have an early day!","EMILY: What?","LORELAI: What twenty-two year old has an early day on a Saturday?","EMILY: Why are you so hell-bent on derailing this match?","RICHARD: They're perfect for each other!","LORELAI: Okay, that word, perfect, he is not. I mean, no one is, okay, but especially him! I mean, at your wedding, I caught him and Rory in the back room [she hesitates] uh, kissing.","[Emily and Richard do not look concerned.]","LORELAI [with emphasis]: Kissing.","RICHARD: You have something against kissing?","EMILY: I never thought of you as a prude.","RICHARD: Paranoid, not a prude.","LORELAI: He stole your sewing box.","EMILY: The sewing box is sitting on the table in the living room, Lorelai.","LORELAI: No, no. He's just a -","RICHARD: Are we done here?","LORELAI: No!","RICHARD: Good. I have a call to make. You might want that cup of coffee. Clear your head a bit before you drive home. [He leaves the table.]","EMILY: Or maybe you've just had one too many sidecars. [She leaves.]","STAMFORD EAGLE GAZETTE","[Rory waits by the elevator. It opens. Rory walks confidently along with Mitchum and the manager","MANAGER: So it's not necessarily a diminishment of personnel.","MITCHUM: No, that's the advantage of using crewed reporting through the whole syndicate. By sharing the resources, you're going to have more options. With more options, you're going to be less reliant on the wire services. People will only read so many flatly written wire stories before they catch on and start reading something else, or worse, turn on the T.V.","RORY [holds out a cup]: Coffee?","MITCHUM [glances at his watch]: Uh -","RORY: It's decaf.","MITCHUM: Oh. Well, thank you. [He takes a sip.] It's good. All right, let's take a look at that editorial budget.","[The group walks into a meeting room. Rory stands outside.]","MITCHUM [OS]: What are you waiting for, Gilmore, an engraved invitation?","[Rory smiles and enters the meeting.]","SOOKIE'S HOUSE","[Lorelai and Sookie are sampling Manny's cooking. They each take a bite.]","SOOKIE: Good!","LORELAI: Very good!","SOOKIE: I'd say it's a nine.","LORELAI: Nine plus.","SOOKIE: What would make it a ten?","LORELAI: Another half a point.","SOOKIE [giggles]: Lemon juice and a handful of parsley.","LORELAI: Yes. A tart fresh taste.","SOOKIE [calls into the kitchen]: Manny, try a little lemon juice and parsley!","MANNY: Okay!","LORELAI: How long are you going to have him working here?","SOOKIE: Well, with that fancy pants article coming out about us, I want to make sure that the food stays top-notch.","LORELAI: You know, Mike Armstrong called again.","SOOKIE: Really? That's the second time since the meeting, isn't it?","LORELAI: Yeah. He's, like, open to any option. Buying the inn, or just investing in the inn -","SOOKIE: We'd have money again. Remember what it was like to have money?","LORELAI: He'd be keeping us on to run it. We could consult. We could travelaround the world telling other people how to run their inns -","SOOKIE: We could be bossy. Oh, we could travel and be bossy!","LORELAI: He mentioned the south of France. Apparently they're making a huge investment there and they have a need for people like us.","SOOKIE: I can picture us in the south of France, oh, topless!","LORELAI: At work?","SOOKIE: No. We're on the beach.","LORELAI: Much more appropriate.","SOOKIE: And the casinos, oh, and the cheese!","LORELAI: You know, my dad traveled all over the world for work, which drove my mom crazy, which was a little perk. But he would always say things like 'I'll be back from D\u00fcsseldorf on Friday'. And when I was a kid, I always wanted to say 'I'll be back from D\u00fcsseldorf on Friday'!","SOOKIE: Oh, that would be great. To get into all those famous kitchens I've always read about.","LORELAI: We'd have expense accounts and travel luggage. It'd be exciting, huh?","SOOKIE: Yeah, it would!","[They smile at each other.]","SOOKIE: But, I can't do that. I have Davey and little No-name here, and Jackson. Jackson wouldn't want to go topless in France.","LORELAI: Yeah.","SOOKIE: My life is here.","LORELAI: Yeah, sure.","SOOKIE: But you could go.","LORELAI: What?","SOOKIE: Your kid's in college. You're young. You love to travel. You look amazing topless. [She giggles.] You could go. I mean, what's stopping you?","LORELAI: Well -","SOOKIE: Oh! Snap peas! Snap peas would be good in this! [She squeals.] Manny, snap peas!","MANNY [OS]: Snap peas.","SOOKIE: Snap peas. Yeah.","[Lorelai smiles.]","__________________END______________________"],"Show Title":"Gilmore Girls","Episode Number":"05x20","Episode Title":"How Many Kropogs to Cape Cod","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Gilmore_Girls_06x04.json","Recap":["Missing Rory, Lorelai tries to call her and is upset to find that Rory's cell phone is no longer in service. Sookie asks Lorelai and Rory to be the godparents to her two children in the hope that they will reconcile when they see each other at the ceremony. However, mother and daughter end up fighting when Lorelai realizes that Rory gave her new cell number to Sookie but not to her. Logan learns that his father expects him to graduate this year and enter the family business. Wanting to break free from family pressures, Logan whisks Rory off to a weekend in New York."],"Transcript":["(OPEN in Lorelai's house, night. Lorelai is going through some boxes filled with tapes and clearing them out)","LUKE: (OS) Oh, now come on. Come on! You have got to be kidding me.","LORELAI: Luke, come down here.","LUKE: (OS) This baseboard's not level. I can tell just by looking at it.","LORELAI: Tom told you. It's a work in progress.","LUKE: It's a disaster in progress. This baseboard belongs in a fun house.","LORELAI: Luke, going up there is like busting into an operating room in the middle of a heart transplant. You know, and getting mad at the surgeon because the guy's heart is on the outside. And you're like, \"Hey, his heart should be in his chest\", and the surgeon's like, \"Dude, I'm not done yet, get out of the operating room\".","LUKE: I've got to check the bathroom fixtures.","LORELAI: Hey...uh, help. Fire, fire. We're on fire down here. Help. Flames crackling, marshmallows toasting. Save us.","LUKE: (comes down from upstairs) What are you doing yelling \"fire\"? You can't do that.","LORELAI: No, that only pertains to movie theatres. Crowded ones. If you're watching a Wednesday matinee of \"Deuce Bigalow,\" you can yell \"fire\" all you want. Hell, you can start a fire, and no one will complain.","LUKE: So, how is your project going?","LORELAI: Like gangbusters.","LUKE: Looks like it. You're getting rid of a ton. (picks up a box full of tapes)","LORELAI: (stops him from picking up the box) Oh! No, no. Whoa, whoa, there, mister. Huh! Those are the keepers. These are the ones I'm tossing. (picks up another box that looks very light)","LUKE: There's two videotapes in there.","LORELAI: Every journey begins with a single step.","LUKE: This was your idea, remember. Use the remodel to purge yourself of useless stuff.","LORELAI: Yeah, useless. I'm keeping what I need.","LUKE: (picks up a tape) You need an episode of \"Magnum PI\", from 1986?","LORELAI: Of course not. That tape is mislabelled. That's \"A Knots Landing\" from 1981. All the women are held hostage at gunpoint during Ginger's baby shower, classic.","LUKE: (pick up a bunch of tapes tied together) \"21 Jump Street\", season one. You do not need this.","LORELAI: I need my \"Jump Street.\"","LUKE: So buy the DVDs. It'll save you a ton of space.","LORELAI: No. The DVDs won't have the commercials on them. The original commercials, which is half the fun. Spuds Mackenzie, Clara Peller, \"nothing comes between me and my calvins\". I mean, they don't make them like that anymore. (walks over to another box)","LUKE: You're gonna be one of those weird old people who hoards empty film canisters and laundry measuring scoops.","LORELAI: Uh, gonna be. (picks up a tape) Hey, I've been looking for this. Check it out.","LUKE: (reading the label on the tape) \"Riding The Bus With My Sister.\"","LORELAI: Rosie O'Donnell plays a retarded woman who's obsessed with riding the bus, and Andie McDowell is her uptight, big-city sister.","LUKE: Sister?","LORELAI: Yeah, and it gets better. In the ads I saw, the Rosie character was calling herself the sheriff, and she was bragging about her s*x life and buying toilet seats. And Angelica Huston directed it. Maerose directed it.","LUKE: OK, fine. Watch it tonight after I leave. Then you can dump it tomorrow.","LORELAI: You kidding? You don't just sit down and watch a movie like this. This is a Friday-night special. I'd have to have takeout, pizza, red vines, mallomars, the works. Plus, there's no way I would watch this by myself. This is exactly the kind of movie I would watch with someone. Someone else, you know? (looks at the tape she's still holding)","LUKE: Yeah, right. (changes the subject) Well, at least try to pare this box down a little, please?","LORELAI: I'll try. I will. I promise.","LUKE: Good. (starts walking towards the staircase)","LORELAI: If you promise not to go upstairs again.","LUKE: I just got to check on one thing. (stops at the bottom of the staircase)","LORELAI: (picks up a tape) Oh, look at that! \"America's Castles\", the special Florida edition. Seen it five times, keeping it. (puts the tape in the keepers box)","LUKE: One thing.","LORELAI: (picks up another tape) Oh, \"The History Of Paper\", a documentary by Ted Burns, distant relative of Ken Burns. Oh, seven hours. Dull, dull, dull. Keeping it! (puts it in the keepers box)","LUKE: I'm not going up. (retreats from the staircase)","LORELAI: Good. Oh! \"Please Don't Eat The Daisies,\" seasons two and four. I've been looking for this.","(OPENING CREDITS)","(CUT to pool house bedroom, morning. Rory is getting ready. There is a knock on the door and Rory answers it)","RORY: Come in.","MAID: (enters with a clothes rack and head for the closet) Good morning, Miss Gilmore.","RORY: Good morning. (surprised) Oh, wow, need help?","MAID: No, thank you.","RORY: What's that for?","MAID: Mrs. Gilmore instructed me to help you with your summer things.","RORY: My summer things?","MAID: Mrs Gilmore says that autumn is the time for sweaters and wool, not for sundresses and flipper-floppers.","RORY: Oh. Well, I don't really dress seasonally. I just sort of go with the flow.","MAID: That is what Mrs Gilmore would like to correct.","RORY: Oh, well... (cell phone starts ringing and Rory answers it) Hello?","EMILY: (on the phone) Hello, Rory, it's your Grandmother.","RORY: Grandma, we were just talking about you. (that maid starts filling up the rack, and Rory looks shocked) How are you? How's Helsinki?","EMILY: Cold, unaccommodating, a population of walking dead.","RORY: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. (puts the speaker on, walks towards the rack and starts going through the clothes that maid has already hung)","EMILY: The cab driver from the airport was a thief, and the cuisine isn't fit for a stray cat. Kippers and cabbage rolls. And the weather! It snowed 6 feet last night, and apparently they can't fly under those conditions. Can't or won't, it's hard to say. I defy you to read a Finn.","RORY: (picking up a few hangers from the rack) Yeah, they can be pretty stoic in those northern climes. (to maid as Emily keeps talking) Excuse me, but I actually use a lot of this in autumn. You know, light layers. (the maid smiles politely and continues to do her job)","Emily: ...Anyway, your Grandfather and I are going to be delayed a couple of days.","RORY: (a bit distracted) I'm sorry. That stinks.","EMILY: I'm in a real bind. I've got that mixer with the girls I'm hosting tomorrow. With the curators of the Gilbert Stuart Exhibit?","RORY: (distracted) Oh right. (Rory picks out a dress and addresses the maid again as Emily keeps talking) I wear it with tights.","EMILY: I've planning it for weeks. Everybody's counting on me. But here I am thousands of miles away, stuck in a land of reindeer stew. And I'm loathe to cancel because there's nothing Constance Betterton would like more than for me to slip up so she can destroy my reputation, run me out of the DAR, Then jump in the air like a cheerleader and land doing the splits.","RORY: (obviously not paying any real attention) Uh, wow. That's...the splits, huh? Um, whatever I can do to help, Grandma. (to maid) I wear white after Labor Day.","EMILY: Rory?","RORY: (to maid) I'm a rebel. Just go with it.","EMILY: Are you still there?","RORY: Yeah! still here, Grandma.","EMILY: I was wondering if you could possibly fill in for me. I would be so grateful.","RORY: (disbelievingly) Me? At the mixer? (picks up the phone and takes it off speaker)","EMILY: It's all ready to go. The menu is set, and these new caterers I found are fabulous. All you have to do is smile and make sure everyone's cocktails are replenished.","RORY: Well...","EMILY: Just picture that snake doing the splits.","RORY: Um, okay, Grandma. I'll help you out.","EMILY: Oh, bless you. I'll check in a little later and give you a briefing about some of the canapes.","RORY: Good, 'cause I'm rusty on canapes.","EMILY: Call you later.","RORY: Okay, bye, Grandma. Stay warm. (hangs up and looks over to her closet in shock. It is now almost empty) Maid? N...This is not going to work. Maid?! (exits to look for the maid)","(CUT to Dragonfly Inn kitchen, morning. Sookie and Jackson are arguing)","SOOKIE: A bath?! A baptism is nothing like taking a bath!","JACKSON: I'm not saying it's a bath! I'm just saying if you don't believe in the religious aspect of it, then it's like a bath. As simple and as brief as a bath.","LORELAI: (walks in with a mug in hand) Coffee.","SOOKIE: It is so not like taking a bath! When you take a bath, there are candles and water-warped entertainment weeklies to read, and soap. There are not people standing around praying over you, at least not when I take a bath.","LORELAI: Who's getting baptized?","SOOKIE: Oh, our kids are. Because apparently we're suddenly super-religious.","LORELAI: No kidding? Hey, would you guys mind moving over just a little bit? Thanks (squeezes herself between Sookie and Jackson to get to the coffee pot)","JACKSON: Sookie, look at the baptism as a bargaining chip. If we give my mother this, then it'll soften the blow when she finds out that we're not having any more children because of the vasectomy.","SOOKIE: They'll want to stay at the house, if we have this baptism. Your whole family.","JACKSON: We'll just have to make room.","SOOKIE: How? The house is barely big enough for us and the kids. And we'll end up sleeping on a leaky air mattress in the kids' room and getting horrible creaks in our neck while your mother blasts her \"Flatt And Scruggs\" CD. And your cousins are gonna be picking their teeth with my Reida paring knives.","JACKSON: Oh, like your family is so easy! What about the time we had to see your stuttering cousin Odell in the worst production of \"Nicholas Nickleby\" known to man?! That was like nine hours of pure hell! And did I get to fake a heart attack during intermission? No!","SOOKIE: I'm sorry. There is a difference between nine hours and three full days. There's 48 hours plus 24, whatever that is, minus 9 hours. What does that equal? 48 and 24, so that's, uh... eight and four... and that's two...(puts her hands on her forehead, seems like he's getting a headache) and 10 over.","LORELAI: Whoa! Whoa! Sookie, don't do math. You know that hurts your head.","SOOKIE: (still holding her head) Ow.","LORELAI: Hey, I have an idea. If you're gonna have the baptism and you've got three days of family in town, how about if they all stay here?","SOOKIE: At the inn?","LORELAI: Yeah. Just give me the dates. We'll work it out.","SOOKIE: And that would be okay?","LORELAI: Sookie, you're part owner of the place.","SOOKIE: Oh, yeah.","JACKSON: That would really help.","LORELAI: So, cool. I'll take care of the arrangements. Sookie, you just deal with the post-baptism party.","SOOKIE: Oh. I didn't know anything about a post-baptism party. (to Jackson) You didn't tell me anything about a post-baptism party.","JACKSON: I didn't know myself.","SOOKIE: (excited) I've got some late-summer salad recipes I've been wanting to try out.","LORELAI: Oh, perfect. Okay, well, just let Michel know how many rooms you need, and I'll see you guys later.","JACKSON: Thanks, Lorelai.","SOOKIE: Yeah, thanks, hon. (Lorelai starts to exit)","JACKSON: I just need the invoice signed for the zucchini and I'm off.","SOOKIE: (picks up a zucchini) Oh, you think I'm taking this zucchini? (Lorelai turns around and approaches the couple again)","JACKSON: You ordered them.","SOOKIE: You stressed them out.","JACKSON: Don't point that thing at me.","LORELAI: Guys.","SOOKIE: I can tell. Get them out of here.","JACKSON: No! You give me the invoice. (Lorelai turns around and leaves)","SOOKIE: I'll just have one of my guys get them out of here.","JACKSON: This isn't about the zucchini. This is about the baptism.","SOOKIE: Well, I christen these vegetables sucky!","(CUT to Gilmore mansion, afternoon. Rory is hosting the DAR mixer. The waiters circulate the room with trays full of canapes and the DAR ladies seem to be enjoying themselves)","RORY: (to one of the ladies) Oh, hello, Sarah. Thank you so much for coming. (to a waiter with a half empty tray) Excuse me. Hold on a sec. This tray is half empty. Should we fill it up to make it look less sad?","WAITER: Uh, this is the last tray.","RORY: (shocked) What? Oh, no. (checks a small note book) Oh, boy, there are only eight trays of salmon puffs allotted for the whole night? (waiter nods) This is not good. This is really not good. Do you think I should have staggered their release? I should have. I should have staggered their release. Okay, well, just spread them out, and then push the shrimp. Okay, you can circulate now. Circulate. (waiter walks off and Rory approaches another waiter) Uh, excuse me. There's garnish on this tray. There shouldn't be. My grandmother hates garnish. Here, I'll just, uh...(takes the garnish from the trey and puts it in her pocket) there you go. Okay, go, circulate. (the waiter walks away and Rory approaches a group of women) Circulate. (to one of the DAR ladies in the group) Hello, Lana.","LANA: Hello.","RORY: Nice to see you. Carole, hello. Great dress.","CAROLE: Thank you.","RORY: Darla, does the pearls council know about you? Fabulous. (walks away and approaches two other women) Everything all right over here, ladies?","DAR LADY1: Everything's perfect, Rory. This is a lovely party. And those salmon puffs? Insane.","RORY: Aren't they, though? Eight trays, and they're almost gone. I might have to go grab a pole and do some fishing. (the ladies giggle) Let me know if you need anything. (walk over to the paintings where Nora, the curator and another DAR member are discussing)","NORA: I like the way he paints Washington's hair. It looks so luminous. If Gilbert Stuart were alive today, I would absolutely commission him to paint a portrait of my Henry.","CURATOR: Well, Martha Washington had the same impulse. In 1796, she commissioned Stuart to do a portrait of her husband along with the one of herself to hang at Mount Vernon.","DAR LADY2: Henry's not Nora's husband. He's her Springer spaniel.","CURATOR: Oh.","RORY: May I freshen your drink, Nora?","NORA: Well, thank you, Rory. That's awfully sweet of you. (hands Rory her glass) Vodka tonic. (whispering) No ice and light on the tonic.","RORY: I'll be right back. (walks off)","NORA: Isn't she just darling? (as soon as Rory's out off site she starts running towards one of the waitresses)","RORY: (hands Nora's glass to the waitress) Excuse me? Hi. The woman with the red hair over by the paintings, could you get her a vodka tonic, please, ASAP? (waitress nods and walks away) Thanks. (calling after her) No ice and light on the tonic.","(CUT to patio, continuous. Rory walks outside. Two women ask for her attention)","NANCY: Oh, Rory, perfect. Maybe you could help us with something.","RORY: Absolutely.","NANCY: We're admiring this plant here, this one with the waxy leaves, and yet the name for it has gone right spot out of our heads.","RORY: I'm so sorry. I'm not sure what it's called. But I promise to ask my Grandmother and let you know. (reaches in her pocket for the little notepad) Let me just get your phone number here. (the garnish from before falls out also) Oops! (they giggle as we see Logan in the back coming out on the patio) Garnish. You just can't get away from it, huh? Um, (notices Logan) excuse me for a minute. (walks towards him. He doesn't seem to be in a good mood) Hey, I didn't know you were coming. (they share an awkward hug)","LOGAN: Yeah. I forgot you had a thing today. (looks around miserably)","RORY: Oh, it's okay, 'cause now I get to show you off. (drags him over to the ladies she was talking to before) Nancy, Lucy, I'd like to introduce Logan Huntzberger. Logan, this is Nancy Osgood and Lucy Faxton-Field.","LUCY: How do you do, Logan? It's such a pleasure to meet the young Huntzberger.","LOGAN: Hey.","RORY: (surprised by his behaviour, tries conversationally) Uh, Logan, I think I've told you about Nancy. She's the one who insists I look like Clara Barton, which I'm still not sure is a compliment.","NANCY: Oh, it's a compliment, of the highest order. (the ladies chuckle while Logan is still unmoved)","RORY: Um, well, if you'll excuse us, I think I promised Logan one of the coveted salmon puffs.","LUCY: So nice to meet you, Logan. (Logan nods and then he and Rory walk away)","(CUT to Gilmore mansion kitchen, continuous. Rory and Logan walk in. Rory walks to the coffee pot and Logan spots a bottle of scotch he helps himself with)","RORY: (reaches for a mug) Want some coffee? (sees Logan pouring scotch) With your scotch?","LOGAN: Sorry. I'm just not in the mood to deal with this type of thing right now, these type of people.","RORY: Why? Did something happen?","LOGAN: So how long do you think this thing's gonna last?","RORY: Um...an hour, hour and a half tops. And then 15 minutes for me to pay the caterers, and make sure the cleaning staff knows what to do. Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you go hang out in the pool house, and then I'll come out as soon as I finish up here? We could talk. (walks over to him)","LOGAN: Yeah, okay. (kisses he cheek)","RORY: (goes over to the coffee pot and tries to pour coffee. The pot is empty) We need coffee! There's no more coffee. (a bit hysterical) Someone make me some coffee!(exits the kitchen)","(CUT to Lorelai's kitchen, night. PA is sitting waiting for dinner. Lorelai approaches him with a bowl)","LORELAI: Okay, Paul Anka, dinner time. You need to eat tonight, okay? Now, this is the kibble you like, in the nice, new, yellow bowl that you picked. (puts the bowl down) I will now...(picks up a plate from the counter with her dinner) I will now back out of the room so you can eat...(turns the light off) in the dark, like you like. (walks out of the now dark kitchen)","(CUT to Lorelai's living room, continuous. Lorelai puts the plate on the bed and turns on the TV. She notices the tape with the movie \"Riding The Bus With My Sister\" - the one she was talking about with Luke. She sits in the bed, picks up the phone and starts dialing. It rings once, then beeps and an operator picks up)","OPERATOR: We're sorry. You have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in serv...","(Lorelai hangs up and dials again. Same drill - ring, beep, operator)","OPERATOR: We're sorry. You have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you've reached this number in...(Lorelai hungs up and looks sad)","(CUT to pool house, night. We hear music and noises. Rory looks through the glass door and is a bit surprised. Rory enters the pool house holding a napkin and sees that apparently Finn and Colin have now joined Logan, who's sitting on the couch. Finn is talking on the phone and walking around, while Colin pours himself I drink)","FINN: (on the phone) So, cancel with him, darling, is that so difficult? (notices Rory and waves. She waves back) I find the fact that you love him completely irrelevant.","RORY: (to Logan) What's going on?","LOGAN: (a bit tipsy) Hey, is that my salmon puff?","RORY: (presents him with the napkin) Yeah.","LOGAN: (taking the salmon puff) Anything is good in a puff. Hi. (reaches out to kiss her)","RORY: Hi. (they kiss)","COLIN: Hey, Rory.","RORY: Hey, Colin. I didn't know you guys were coming over.","LOGAN: I invited them over. I hope that's cool.","RORY: Oh, yeah, of course it's cool. I just...I would have brought more puffs.","LOGAN: You need a drink. (gets up from the couch to prep Rory a drink)","RORY: Ah","no, I...","FINN: Somebody give me a sonnet. Melissa's a poetry major.","COLIN: There once was a gal from Nantucket.","FINN: Stop it, Colin. I'm not trying to propose. (seductively) Melissa...do you miss me, darling? (a blond girl approaches the group)","RORY: (notices the girl and greats her) Hi. (the girl seems unmoved) Uh, Logan?","LOGAN: Yeah, Ace? (gives Rory a drink)","RORY: (taking the drink) Who's the skirt?","LOGAN: Ah. That is Colin's milkmaid.","RORY: He brought her back from Holland?","COLIN: Yes, he did.","RORY: Oh. (walk over to the milkmaid) Hi. I'm Rory. I've heard a lot about you.","COLIN: She doesn't understand English.","RORY: Oh. (to milkmaid) Sorry.","COLIN: Yes, aren't we all.","RORY: Colin, rude!","COLIN: Everywhere I go, everything I do, surprise!, there she is.","RORY: Well, you brought her here. What did you expect?","COLIN: I don't know what happened. When we were in the Netherlands, she seemed so amazing, you know? (Rory and Logan sit back on the couch) But the minute we left, she began to lose her appeal.","RORY: Well everything looks appealing when you're stumbling out of an Amsterdam coffee bar.","FINN: Tell me about it. One night I spent half an hour hitting on a bike. (on the phone) Maria! You're the only one that can save me.","COLIN: Rory, you have to understand. Milkmaids are, like, iconic over there. They're practically Dutch superheroes. Dating Katrinka was like dating Wonder Woman.","RORY: Katrinka.","LOGAN: Yeah. He's gonna be hearing about that one for a long time.","FINN: (on the phone) Oh...I see. Well, just so you know, I think you're an awfully sweet girl to date a guy with such an unfortunate skin condition. (hangs up and turns to Rory) Rory?","RORY: hmm?","FINN: Any chance you're breaking up with Logan in the next 20 minutes?","RORY: Sorry.","FINN: Damn. (starts dialling. On the phone) Veronica! (Kartika hugs Colin lovingly) Finn. Still engaged, darling? Well, I am, too, but I'm not going to say in what.","RORY: (to Logan) So, this is a surprise. The guys being here and everything.","LOGAN: Well, Colin just got back. I hadn't seen him. Is that okay?","RORY: Oh! Yeah, it's fine. I just...well you seemed like you were kind off in a bad mood earlier.","LOGAN: Well, this is how you get out of a bad mood, Ace. (to the group) Hey, let's get something to eat. I'm starving.","COLIN: Yes. (gets up quickly to get away from Katrika. She looks sad) Chinese food. No dairy in Chinese food.","FINN: Perfect. General Lee's has that adorable waitress with a very tiny intellect. Let's go.","LOGAN: (to Rory) General Lee's?","RORY: General Lee's. Just give me a minute, and I'll go change.","LOGAN: No way! You've got that hot librarian thing going on. I like it. Grab a book. Let's go.","RORY: (giggling) Kay...(they get up from the couch and the whole group, minus Katrika starts to exit)","FINN: I've got shotgun.","COLIN: No, you don't. You're driving. (Rory turns the music off and sees that Katrika is not following)","FINN: I can reach over to steer. (the boys leave as Rory stays behind with Katrika)","RORY: (calling after the boys) Uh, Colin?! You forgot your milkmaid! (the girls sit and stare at each other. Katrika looks sad, and Rory gives her a faint smile)","(CUT to Dragonfly Inn, morning. Lorelai and Michel are at the front desk arranging Jackson's family rooms. Lorelai is corresponding rooms to people and Michel is putting the keys in envelopes)","LORELAI: Okay, room five just checked out, so let's give that to Jackson's sister Adele. Put cousin Rachel in room three and aunt Pat and uncle Rusty in room six. (Michel puts a key in the last envelope) Okay, that's two people in room six. Aunt Pat and uncle Rusty. They're gonna need two keys.","MICHEL: I gave them one. They can share. It's the least the freeloading hicks can do.","LORELAI: They're not freeloading hicks. They're our guests.","MICHEL: They are moochers. They go supermarket-hopping to gorge themselves on free samples and get their perfume from magazine inserts. You can recognize them from the paper cuts on their wrists.","SOOKIE: (running up to the front desk) Jackson not here yet?","MICHEL: No. But his family's arrival is imminent, so I'm off to nail the furniture to the floor. (walk way)","SOOKIE: (upset) I don't believe it. The whole clan will be here any minute.","LORELAI: (walks over to Sookie) Sookie, relax.","SOOKIE: I can't relax, it's Jackson's family. I try to say nice things to them, but they misinterpret it and they think I'm insulting them. So I've tried being really quiet, and then they get all like, \"Why are you so quiet?\". So I overcompensate and start cracking jokes like I'm carrot top, and I start doing funny things with props and I hate prop comedy.","LORELAI: We all do, honey. (Jackson storms in breathless, like he's been running)","JACKSON: They're right behind me.","SOOKIE: Jackson, you almost left me buffer-less. What happened?","JACKSON: Aphids happened. All over my tomatoes. And I was squirting them, and they're multiplying, and I lost track of time. So I start racing over here on foot, and I saw Bo's minivan just in front of me, so I cut through the thicket, and you know how I hate the thicket, just so I could get here first. Oh, my god, my breath. I can't catch my breath. I'm breathing out, but I can't breathe in.","LORELAI: Okay, Jackson, calm down. You're here, right? (to Sookie) He's here. Your buffer's here. (walks back to the front desk)","SOOKIE: I got my buffer. It'll be okay.","JACKSON: (to Sookie) Okay, so, did you tell hmm-hmm about hmm-hmm? (gesturing towards Lorelai who's now behind the front desk)","SOOKIE: No, he's your family. You tell hmm-hmm about hmm-hmm. (gesturing the same way as Jackson. Lorelai looks up at them)","LORELAI: Why do I get the feeling I'm at least one of the \"hmm-hmm\"s? (Sookie and Jackson start walking up to the front desk)","JACKSON: Lorelai, we need to tell you something. Remember my brother Bo?","LORELAI: Uh, dark hair, coarse stubble, Jefferson Davis tattoo?","JACKSON: He thinks you're a nympho.","LORELAI: A what?","SOOKIE: It's short for nymphomaniac. It means you really dig the fellas.","LORELAI: I know what it means, but how? I didn't say two words to the guy when I met him. I said one: \"Hi\". And that was not in response to, \"What's your s*x drive like?\".","LORELAI: Apparently, cousin Rune told him.","LORELAI: Rune! Short guy, light hair, thought marijuana gave your salad zest?","JACKSON: That's the one. Bo said Rune said you're a horn dog.","LORELAI: A horn dog?","JACKSON: His word, not mine.","SOOKIE: His family, not mine. (Jackson's family start entering the Inn. Lorelai, Sookie and Jackson notice)","SOOKIE: Mom! (quietly to Jackson) Buffer. (to her mother in-law) Welcome to the Dragonfly! (they hug, as the rest of the family walk in and Jackson walks over to them)","JACKSON: Hi, everybody. (to a relative who has trouble holding up all his luggage, and it's quite a lot) Oh, my, that's quite a bit of luggage for three days. You are just staying three days, aren't you? (Bo walks up to the door)","BEAU: That's right, little brother. Three days! Why don't you all relax. I'll take care of checking us in. (walks over to the front desk where Lorelai is waiting to check them in) Well, hello, LG.","LORELAI: (uncomfortable) Welcome to the Dragonfly Inn.","BEAU: Welcome to Bo.","LORELAI: (trying to sound casual) Nice sunglasses. Very \"Risky Business.\"","BEAU: Risky business, huh? (what would be a seductive tone) Are you into risky business?","LORELAI: No. All of a sudden I hate it. Tom Cruise in his underwear makes me want to barf. Would you like to register?","BEAU: I would love to. (takes a pen and sings, without taking his eyes off Lorelai)","LORELAI: You just signed the blotter.","BEAU: Oh, whoops. Sorry. I was distracted.","LORELAI: Well, um, you're in room 7. So just take a right at the top of the stairs and enjoy your stay.","BEAU: Well, aren't you accommodating. Guess I'll just go get my duffel bag out of the minivan. (walks away, as Jackson approaches the front desk)","LORELAI: (to Jackson) That's the first time I ever heard the word \"duffel\" sound dirty.","JACKSON: I am so, so sorry.","LORELAI: All right, here are their keys. Names are on the envelopes. They can go up any time. (gives the envelopes to Jackson)","JACKSON: (takes the envelopes) I am so, so sorry. (Sookie walks up to the front desk area)","SOOKIE: (a bit disgusted) Ooh, uncle Artie hugged me too long.","JACKSON: Lorelai checked Bo in.","SOOKIE: (to Lorelai) We are so, so sorry.","JACKSON: Keys!","SOOKIE: Let's get them upstairs.","JACKSON: I got your keys, everybody. (walks over to his family to give away the keys) Come and get them. Come and get them.(as Jackson is passing out the keys Bo walks back in, and stops at the front desk area before he goes up the stairs. He knocks on the doorframe to get Lorelai's attention)","BEAU: Just thought I'd give you my room number, princess.","LORELAI: I have it. Remember, I checked you in about a minute ago?","BEAU: All right, then. See you soon. (licks his key in what he would think a suctive way. Lorelai shakes her head in disgust as she exhales sharply)","(CUT to Luke's diner, morning. Zach and Brian are sitting at a table as Lane works. Zach looks deep in thought as Brian is eating. Lane approaches them)","LANE: (to Brian) He asleep?","BRIAN: He's waiting for his muse.","ZACH: Don't say it like that.","BRIAN: Like what?","ZACH: All condescending. It's not cool.","BRIAN: I wasn't condescending.","ZACH: Songwriting is about making yourself open and vulnerable so that the lyrics come out true. If I'm being sensitive, that's a by-product of my craft.","BRIAN: I hear you.","ZACH: Okay, now you just patronized me.","BRIAN: I wasn't patronizing you.","LANE: Carry on. (walks away)","ZACH: What's with her being all dismissive?","BRIAN: Hey, you want to get more fries?","ZACH: Oh! Yes! Yes! Dude, you said \"fries,\" and it hit me.","BRIAN: Really?","ZACH: Quick, get this down.","BRIAN: (rapidly cleans his hands gets ready to take notes) Go.","ZACH: (in melodical voice) Ah ah ah ah-ah oh-oh-oooh","BRIAN: (confused) Wait! What?","ZACH: Just get it down before I forget it. (sings the melody again) Ah ah ah ah-ah oh-oh-oooh","BRIAN: It's not lyrics.","ZACH: Duh! It's a melody. Come on. (melody) Ah ah ah ah-ah oh-oh-oooh","BRIAN: OK, OK.","ZACH: Get it?","BRIAN: I think so. (trying to imitate the melody) Up, down, further down, little higher up, down a smidge.","ZACH: (frustrated) Brian!","BRIAN: I don't read music.","ZACH: Great! Lane, come here. Ah ah ah ah-ah oh-oh-oooh. (Lane comes over)","LANE: What?","ZACH: I need your cell phone so I can call home and leave a tune on our machine.","LANE: I don't bring my cell phone to work.","ZACH: (frustrated) Ugh! Ah ah ah ah-ah oh-oh-oooh","LANE: Um, you're starting to freak out some of the customers. (pats Zach on the back and walks away)","BRIAN: I just want you to know I feel really helpless right now. (Sookie storms in the diner)","SOOKIE: (walking quickly towards the counter, behind which Luke is standing) Luke, Luke, Luke! look, look, look! Oh! Luke, Luke, Luke, look, look, look. Ha! That was kind of funny. It just came out.","LUKE: Sookie, I'm working.","SOOKIE: I know. I just came by to show you this. (holds up a wedding cake-topper)","LUKE: What's that?","SOOKIE: This is a vintage cake-topper. Porcelain bisque, hand-painted, I think the 1940s. Shoulder pads on the shoulders. A, ha! I found it at a flea market this morning. It's perfect.","LUKE: Perfect for what?","SOOKIE: For your and Lorelai's wedding cake.","LUKE: Oh, well, that's nice.","SOOKIE: Nice? Nice? It's not nice, it's fate. Look. (hold the cake-topper so the bride and grooms rear ends are facing Luke) Perhaps this looks familiar. His butt. It's your butt. (points to the porcelain butt) It's your butt, Luke. It's your butt.","LUKE: Sookie, stop screaming, \"It's your butt\". People are eating.","SOOKIE: What are the odds of me finding a cake-topper with exactly your butt? (bends over the counter to check out Luke)","LUKE: (serving an order) Turkey burger with Swiss.","SOOKIE: Oh, when I found this topper, your whole cake came to me, like in a vision. White and sparkly with beautiful daisies made of fondant on the top.","LUKE: (serving another order) Cow burger with cheddar.","SOOKIE: So, now that I know the cake, all you have to do is set the date. When is the date?","LUKE: I don't know.","SOOKIE: What do you mean, you don't know?","LUKE: I mean I don't know. (walks around the counter to clear a table and Sookie follows him)","SOOKIE: Luke, Miss Manners said you're not really engaged until you have a ring and a date.","LUKE: Yeah, and it's tacky to drink from a can, but there you go.","SOOKIE: Luke, please.","LUKE: Look, you know the drill here, Sookie. We're not setting a date until things are settled between Lorelai and Rory.","SOOKIE: And when exactly is that going to be?","LUKE: I don't know.","SOOKIE: Well, what do you plan to do about it?","LUKE: Nothing.","SOOKIE: Nothing? What kind of an answer is that?","LUKE: Sookie, it's between them. (walks over behind the counter again, as Sookie sits from the other side of it) Me and my butt are staying out of it.","SOOKIE: Oh, come on. You know this whole non-talking thing between Lorelai and Rory is ridiculous, and you know it.","LUKE: I do know it. (serves an order at the far end of the counter) Grilled cheese, double order fries.","SOOKIE: Well, all I can say is that those two better make up before your butt falls and this gorgeous antique cake-topper is nothing more than a kitschy piece of junk from the 1940s. (a car starts honking and it catches her attention) Crap. I got to go. I left Jackson's mother in the car. Maybe I should have cracked the window. (exits the diner. Luke walks to the other end of the counter. Zach is on the diner phone singing his tune)","ZACH: Ah Ah Ah oh oh ohohoh (Luke takes the phone from him and hungs up)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(CUT to outside of band's apartment, night. Lane walks up the drive way. She greats someone on her way to the door)","LANE: Hi, Mrs. Lamkin.","Mrs.LAMKIN: Hi Lane (enters the apartment)","(CUT to inside apartment, continuous. As Lane enters she stumbles on some boxes and electronical equipment. Zach and Brian are occupying themselves with said equipment)","LANE: What is going on? What is that?","ZACH: Hey! This is the G5 dual 2.3 with a one-Gig RAM upgrade.","BRIAN: And this 3 1\/2-inch aluminum casing houses a 300-Gig hard drive.","ZACH: And we got pro tools, too. We're gonna be able to record like a million tracks every song. We can burn, mix, and edit our own CDs. It's gonna be nuts.","BRIAN: Yeah, just as soon as we figure out how to turn it on.","LANE: But how? When did...? (looks over to the boys and at their looks it hits her) Oh, my God! The tour money! (rushes over to her room. Yelling OS) You went into my underwear drawer?! (walk back in the living room) I cannot believe that you went into my underwear drawer.","ZACH: But that's where the tour money was.","LANE: But that was my underwear drawer.","ZACH: It was business, not pleasure, Lane.","BRIAN: I had my eyes closed the entire time. It was all by feel.","LANE: That was my room. My private inner sanctum, and you ransacked it.","ZACH: Hey! We could be mad too you know! Frankly the fact that you felt you had to hide the tour money from us is pretty insulting.","BRIAN: Yeah, and that money was for recording equipment, anyway. So what's the big deal?","LANE: But did you at least shop around? I mean, did you go through the stack of research I have on recording equipment, cost comparisons, audio magazine articles? Did you happen to look at any of that?","BRIAN: Jeez, we didn't go through all your stuff, Lane.","LANE: I can't believe you just went out and spent nine grand without talking to me.","ZACH: It wasn't the plan. I mean we just cruised by the store to get a microcassette recorder so I could preserve my tunes. And there was this sales guy...","BRIAN: (interrupts) a great guy.","ZACH: A really great guy. And we ended up talking to him about music.","BRIAN: And Zach sang him his tune.","ZACH: Which he totally dug. Reminded him of early Smiths.","BRIAN: Great guy.","ZACH: He was! And he was like, \"You should get this\". And he was like, \"this is the last day of our once-a-year sale, and everything's 30% off\", and he showed us this whole system.","BRIAN: He spent like an hour with us.","ZACH: Totally great guy.","BRIAN: He thinks we're gonna be huge.","LANE: Was there change?","ZACH: Huh?","LANE: Did the totally great guy give you any change? (the boys look at each other confused and then back at Lane you yells frustrated) Uuuugghh! (exits to her room a tad pissed and bangs the door)","ZACH: She totally would have liked him.","BRIAN: 'Cause he was a great guy.","(CUT to Drangonfly Inn, night. Lorelai walking the library with some board game sot put away. Michel is there)","MICHEL: I believe Jackson's aunt Pat is borrowing DVDs from our collection, and secretly burning copies for her own DVD library.","LORELAI: What makes you think she's not watching the DVDs?","MICHEL: The Belleville's are freeloaders. The whole lot of them. They are as cheap as tan panty hose with white sandals. Plus, I believe they have emptied all the booze from the minibars upstairs into their own flask and then refilled the bottles with water.","LORELAI: Can I interest you in a sick day?","MICHEL: Pssh! I would not give them the satisfaction. (starts exiting the library, Lorelai follows, and Sookie is walking towards them) Oh, how proud a family reunion must be for you. (walks away)","LORELAI: He's snarky.","SOOKIE: And sarcastic.","LORELAI: He's snarcastic.","SOOKIE: Hey, do you have a minute? I want to ask you something kind of important.","LORELAI: Sure, I've got nothing but minutes. (they walk over to a couch and sit)","SOOKIE: Well, I was wondering if you would honour me and Jackson by being Martha's godmother.","LORELAI: (gasps) Oh, wow.","SOOKIE: Oh! is that a good \"oh, wow\" or a bad \"oh, wow\"?","LORELAI: It's just \"oh, wow!\". The whole idea of me being a godmother. I never thought of myself as the godmother type. Would I need a wand?","SOOKIE: I think you can pull it off without it.","LORELAI: Aw, jeez, Sookie, I'm touched. I would love to be Martha's godmother.","SOOKIE: Great. Oh, I'm so happy you said yes. It's going to be great. And we're gonna baptize both kids at once, so Davey's gonna need a godmother, too, and I thought, \"How about Rory?\".","LORELAI: (a bit uncomfortable) Rory, huh?","SOOKIE: Yeah! I thought it would be fun. And I know it's weird with you two now, but there's really no one else I'm close to to ask.","LORELAI: Oh, yeah? Um, what about your friend Kat from the Culinary Institute? You guys roomed together in college.","SOOKIE: She's been institutionalised.","LORELAI: What? Really?","SOOKIE: Oh, yeah. She shaved her head. She thinks she's Susan Powter. Sad.","LORELAI: Well, how about Theresa? She lived next door to you growing up. Aren't her husband and Jackson best friends?","SOOKIE: She moved.","LORELAI: She moved?","SOOKIE: To Peru.","LORELAI: When?","SOOKIE: Yesterday, actually.","LORELAI: Tall, skinny Margo?","SOOKIE: Has an inner-ear problem. Frankly, I'm a little worried that she'll lose her balance holding the baby and fall in the water. And she's taaall, so that's a long way to fall. But, hey, look, if you don't want to do it or you don't want me to ask Rory, then I'll totally understand. I'm sure Jackson will understand, too, and Martha. (looks away in mock disappointment and sounds that way too) Hey, you got to do what you got to do.","LORELAI: No, no, it's okay. Um, I'll do it.","SOOKIE: You will?","LORELAI: Of course I will.","SOOKIE: Oh, thank you. (pats Lorelai?s knee gets off the couch and exits the room) It's gonna be a perfect day. (Lorelai doesn't look very pleased, or happy)","(CUT to Lorelai's living room, morning. The bed is still there, and Lorelai is lying in bed, wide awake, with Luke as the alarm goes off. She quickly turns it off, gets out of bed and picks out two dresses from a clothes rack as Luke is starting to wake up. She walks over to the bed and holds them up for Luke to see)","LORELAI: Which one goes better with a baby?","LUKE: (sleepy) I like the green one.","LORELAI: It's not too sheer? Because I'm gonna be in a church.","LUKE: Looks good from here.","LORELAI: Yeah, maybe. Man, she's good. She's really good.","LUKE: Who?","LORELAI: Sookie.","LUKE: Ah!","LORELAI: This whole baptism thing is just a ruse to get me and Rory together. She's played me! She's played me like a Stradivarius.","LUKE: So, don't go, then.","LORELAI: No! I got to go.","LUKE: Why?","LORELAI: Because she asked me to be a godmother. You don't say no to that.","LUKE: Why?","LORELAI: Look! I know what she's doing. And she knows what she's doing. But no one else knows what she's doing, so on the slight chance that she's not doing what I think she's doing, which is actually just doing what she wants to do, then I will be the jerk who wouldn't be the godmother to her best friend's baby 'cause she thought something was happening that wasn't. And that will be the story everyone remembers, understand?","LUKE: I like the green dress. (Lorelai is frustrated)","(CUT to pool house bedroom, morning. Rory is lying in bed, wide awake, with Logan as the alarm goes off. She quickly turns it off)","LOGAN: (sleepy) Go back to sleep.","RORY: I have to go to the baptism.","LOGAN: Blow it off.","RORY: I can't.","LOGAN: You can do anything. You just have to believe in yourself. Did we learn nothing from \"Mad Hot Ballroom\"?","RORY: I have to go to Stars Hollow. (whiney) I have to see my mom. (covers her head with a pillow)","LOGAN: One, two, cha cha cha.","RORY: Uuugh, okay. (puts the pillow away) Nothing left to do but get up and face the music. (gets out of bed and walks over to her closet, picks out two dresses and holds them up for Logan to see) Which goes better with a baby?","(CUT to Stars Hollow, morning. Rory drives up in her Prius. She parks the car get out and looks over the town wistfully. She looks at her watch and starts walking)","(CUT to band's apartment, continuous. Zach is watching TV, Brian is reading something and Lane is reading the manual of the equipment the guys bought)","ZACH: You're wasting your time, Lane.","BRIAN: That manual's just a bunch of gobbledygook.","ZACH: Got to be R2-D2 to understand that thing.","LANE: No, you just have to spend more than six minutes trying to figure it out before giving up.","ZACH: I can't believe there's a second C-span. (there is a knock on the door and Rory enters)","RORY: Hi.","LANE: (surprised) Rory!","RORY: Hi. Am I interrupting anything?","ZACH: Nah, there's nothing on.","LANE: No, you're interrupting nothing. Come on in.","RORY: (noticing the equipment) Wow, this looks very fancy.","LANE: Yeah, it's pretty fancy, all right. Apparently is does everything except turn on. You look pretty fancy, too.","RORY: Oh, I'm on my way over to Sookie's kids' baptism. I'm gonna be Davey's godmother.","LANE: Very religious. My mother would be impressed.","ZACH: Hey! Is it true you get to keep the baby if the parents die?","RORY: I'm just doing it as a favour for Sookie.","BRIAN: Godmother, huh? (imitating Marlon Brando) Did you make her an offer she couldn't refuse?","ZACH: (impressed) Dude! You nailed that!","BRIAN: Thanks.","LANE: (to Rory) Come on. I need a break from the ADD boys. (nudges Zach on the head as they walk towards Lane's room)","ZACH: Whoa! There's a third C-span!","(CUT to Lane's bedroom, continuous. The girls walk in)","RORY: Room looks the same.","LANE: Yeah.","RORY: How come there's a padlock on your dresser drawer?","LANE: Uh, wild story. Here, sit. (they walk over to the bed and sit)","RORY: So, you look great. Did you get a haircut?","LANE: Yeah. Well, maybe a month ago.","RORY: I like it.","LANE: Thanks! You look good, too. I like the bangs. Very Marianne Faithfull.","RORY: Thanks. I'm hoping Mick Jagger notices. (they giggle. They seem a bit uncomfortable) So, you went on tour!?","LANE: Yeah, we did.","RORY: And how was it?","LANE: Great.","RORY: Great. (after an uncomfortable beat) And, um...how are things in the Zach department? I mean, you two are still together, right?","LANE: We are, and it's good. He's good. We're good. How many times can I use the word \"good\"?","RORY: Have you guys...?","LANE: No, no, no, we're still not having s*x. But I did tell Zach he could tell the guys we're doing it. It's a little more rock 'n' roll.","RORY: You are a good girlfriend.","LANE: So, how's Logan?","RORY: Logan is... a constant surprise. I have trouble keeping up with him. He moves a mile a minute, gets bored in two seconds flat. He started flying those scary little planes that seem like they're made of papier-mache, which is thrilling, by the way. And, Logan's good.","LANE: Wow! Is this serious?","RORY: Seriously exciting.","LANE: I love that. Is it hard with him still at Yale and you living with your grandparents?","RORY: No, not really. It's been fine, actually. Taking time off has been great. It was absolutely the right decision for me.","LANE: That's good. That's really good.","RORY: Yeah, yeah... I just wish, that my mom could understand that. She's so... I doubt that she will talk to me again until I am back in a dorm room with a course catalogue on my lap, if then. I don't know. Maybe we'll never talk again.","LANE: You two? Oh, please.","RORY: We haven't talked in weeks.","LANE: It'll blow over.","RORY: She didn't tell me when she and Luke got engaged.","LANE: Rory, look at me. You and your mom will talk again. This rift is just nature's attempt to find some equilibrium. You and Lorelai have gone too many years without fighting. So you had to have one big fight to make up for it. Now you've had it, and soon you'll make up and then this will all be just your lost weekend.","RORY: I've missed you.","LANE: I've missed you, too. (they hug)","RORY: We can never go this long without talking again.","LANE: Deal.","RORY: I'll do anything.","LANE: I'll raise carrier pigeons.","RORY: I'll learn Morse code.","LANE: I'll send you pigeons, and you can send me code.","RORY: Okay. (looks at her watch) Oh, it's 10:30. I have fifteen minutes before I have to go. Now, I want to hear all about that tour.","LANE: OK. Well let's start with the whole \"three boys and no shower\" thing.","RORY: Oh, Lord!","(CUT to outside of church, morning. The Church bells are ringing and we see the announcement for the baptism. Rory is walking towards the church and bumps into Kirk on her way in)","RORY: You look nice today, Kirk.","KIRK: Thanks! This is the suit they buried my dad in.","RORY: ( a bit stunned) Oh, well...I think I'm gonna let that one go.","KIRK: So, do you know which is the Davey side of church and which is the Martha?","RORY: Oh, I don't think there are sides, Kirk. It's not like a wedding. I think we're all on both kids' sides.","KIRK: I just didn't want to offend by taking a side if there are sides. I've had some contact with Davey, in passing. Couple of high-fives, one or two peekaboo sessions, but I haven't had much contact with Martha. She seems more reserved. Elusive. There's a bit of Garbo in her. (Kirk walks away, leaving Rory to look up at the Church door)","(CUT to front of church doors, continuous. Lorelai and Sookie are chatting and chuckling. Jackson walks up to them clearly upset about something)","JACKSON: (to Sookie) I just talked to my former mother, and, oh, you are going to love this. Guess who's getting baptized today?","SOOKIE: Who?","JACKSON: Me.","SOOKIE: What?","LORELAI: No!","SOOKIE: (very happy) Is it Christmas already?","JACKSON: This isn't funny.","SOOKIE: Uh Huh!","LORELAI: You've never been baptized?","JACKSON: Apparently on the day I was supposed to be baptized, I stuck a quarter up my nose and had to be taken to the hospital. And they never rescheduled.","SOOKIE: Well, organizational skills were never your family's strong point.","JACKSON: You know what? I have had it with my family! (Lorelai notices Rory walking towards them) I want you to march right over there and tell my mother you're divorcing me if I get baptized.","SOOKIE: Oh, yeah, that will go over very well.","JACKSON: Okay, fine. Then just say we're getting separated. I guess I better go find out what it means exactly for a grown man to get baptized.","SOOKIE: (very excited) Oh, my God! Are you gonna wear a giant christening gown?","JACKSON: You're really enjoying this, aren't you?","SOOKIE: Ooh, you have no idea. (Jackson walks away, and Sookie notices Rory walking towards the church doors) Oh, Rory's here!","LORELAI: Yeah, I see that.","SOOKIE: Boy, that's a pretty dress she's wearing, don't you think?","LORELAI: Sure. It'll go good with a baby.","SOOKIE: Well, I better go check on the kids. (very rushed) Say \"hi\" to Rory for me if you see her first. (runs inside and away from Lorelai. Lorelai and Rory look a bit shocked and uncomfortable)","REV.SKINNER: (to the girls) Oh, there you two are. Good. Do you have a minute? I was hoping we could have a quick chat in my office before the ceremony.","RORY: Oh, well...","LORELAI: Um, sure.","REV.SKINNER: Wonderful. Right this way. (leads them inside)","(CUT to Rev.Skinner's office, continuous. He is sitting behind his desk, while Lorelai and Rory are sitting on the other side)","REV.SKINNER: So, I always like to take a few minutes before my baptisms to get to know the godparents a little bit. Of course I already know you two, but I just want to touch base and make sure you understand the obligations of what you're getting into here today. Now, basically, godparents are responsible for the spiritual upbringing of their godchildren. I certainly hope the parents throw their two cents in, but the godparents are vitally important figures in a child's life. So, tell me, what are your religious affiliations?","LORELAI: Oh, well, Reverend, you've known us forever.","REV.SKINNER: Well, yes, I have, and I still have no idea what your religious affiliations are.","LORELAI: Oh...","RORY: Well...","LORELAI: We're a bit lapsed.","REV.SKINNER: Yes. From...?","LORELAI: Well, um...religion. But, you know, I can't speak for Rory, but I have a strong belief in good...you know...over evil. I mean, if I was asked to choose a side...","RORY: I read \"The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe\".","LORELAI: I have a bible. Although I may or may not have accidentally given it to goodwill, because I'm remodelling. But goodwill is a religious organization... I think. But even if it's not, good will. It's in the ballpark.","RORY: I buy tons of girl-scout cookies.","LORELAI: I have two \"Mary is my homegirl\" T-shirts.","REV.SKINNER: Well, these are all very positive if somewhat irrelevant things. And it seems like your hearts are in the right place.","RORY: Absolutely.","LORELAI: Definitely.","REV.SKINNER: And it says something good about you both that when a friend calls you up and asks a favour, you come through like this.","LORELAI: (obviously having figured something out) Right, right.","REV.SKINNER: Shall we?","RORY: We shall. (Rory and Rev.Skinner get up and start exiting the office. Lorelai remains seated)","(CUT to church main hall, continuous. Kirk enters the church and approaches a woman)","KIRK: (to woman) So, are you a Davey or a Martha? Davey, I bet, right? He's much more accessible. He's the Dandy Warhols to Martha's Brian Jonestown massacre. (in the back Bo enters the church. He walks a bit and some coins start dropping all over the place)","BEAU: Oh. Dang it. (starts picking up the coins. Lorelai, Rory and Rev.Skinner exit the office. Lorelai and Rory take the babies in their arms as Rev Skinner walk up to the podium)","SOOKIE: Hey, Rory. You look so pretty.","RORY: Hey, Sookie.","SOOKIE: Oh, I want a picture of this. (Bo rushes to the front row and sits)","REV.SKINNER: (speaking from the podium) Welcome, everybody. Jesus tells Nicodemus in the fourth gospel, \"Unless one is born of water and spirit, one cannot enter the Kingdom of God\". (Lorelai at Rory) Today we gather to honor three individuals as they dedicate themselves in the first sacrament of the faith and become members of the body of the church and the Kingdom of God. Here to bear witness and offer spiritual support are Lorelai Gilmore, godparent to Martha, Rory Gilmore, godparent to Davey, and, uh...Jackson?","JACKSON: (to Rev.Skinner) Yo.","REV.SKINNER: Acting as your godparent will be...?","JACKSON: Oh, uh... my brother Bo, I guess.","REV.SKINNER: And, uh, Bo Belleville will serve as sponsor and witness for Jackson. Will you come up here, please, Bo? (Bo gets up to join everyone else, and more coins drop)","BEAU: Oh! Oh, bananas.","REV.SKINNER: The candidates for baptism will now be presented. (walk way from the podium and approaches the group. Lorelai looks at Sookie suspiciously) We are honoured with the privilege of being here today to witness and support in faith the baptism of David Edward Belleville, Martha Janice-Lori-Ethan-Rupert-Glenda-Carson-Daisy-Danny Belleville, and Jackson Matthew Belleville. I hereby charge Lorelai Gilmore, Rory Gilmore, and Bo Belleville with the responsibility of seeing to the spiritual welfare of these children and this believer. (Lorelai looks from Sookie to Rory and seems a bit peeved) We will now begin a series of ceremonial questions. Lorelai Gilmore, do you renounce Satan and all the spiritual forces that rebel against God? (Lorelai is distracted, looking at Sookie and doesn't answer. Rev.Skinner raised an eyebrow is shock and the audience starts murmuring)","SOOKIE: (whispering) Lorelai!","LORELAI: What?","SOOKIE: Why aren't you renouncing Satan?","LORELAI: (confused) Huh?","SOOKIE: He said, \"Do you renounce Satan?\", and you paused. That's not something you pause about.","LORELAI: Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, yes, I renounce Satan.","REV.SKINNER: OK. Rory Gilmore, do you renounce Satan and all the spiritual forces that rebel against God?","LORELAI: (whispering to Sookie) Did you call Rory?","SOOKIE: What?","LORELAI: Did you call Rory on her cell phone and ask her to be a godmother?","RORY: I renounce him.","REV.SKINNER: Bo Belleville, do you renounce Satan and all the spiritual forces that rebel against God?","RORY: (whispering to Lorelai and Sookie, overlapping Rev.Skinner) What are you whispering about?","LORELAI: I'm just trying to get some information.","RORY: What information?","BEAU: Satan can kiss my ass.","LORELAI: (whispering to Rory) How come Sookie had your phone number?","RORY: What?","LORELAI: She called you to ask you to be here, which means she must have had your phone number.","REV.SKINNER: Excuse me. Ladies?","LORELAI: I'm sorry, Reverend. Can you just give us a moment, please? (gestures to Rory to go outside. They walk towards the exit)","(CUT to outside, continuous. Rory and Lorelai exit the church through the side door)","RORY: What is wrong with you?","LORELAI: Look, it's not like I really care, okay? It's not like I was gonna call you up to chitchat or make a date to go shoe shopping, or something. But, shouldn't a mother have a way to contact her daughter, at least in case of an emergency? I mean what if I was in an accident and I had to have a blood transfusion? You're the only person in the world with the same blood type. It would really help to have your phone number.","RORY: We are holding up the service.","LORELAI: I just think it's weird you would give Sookie your number and not me.","RORY: I didn't give Sookie my new number. Sookie called Grandma, Grandma left me a note, and then I called Sookie back. And I didn't get a new number. I lost my phone.","LORELAI: If you lose your phone, you should suspend your service until you get a new one. That way, you get to keep the same number. Ever hear of that? It's ridiculous to get an entirely new number. No one gets an entirely new number.","RORY: Well, next time, I will suspend my service. (the door opens and Sookie appears)","SOOKIE: Um...Hi, guys. We kind of need the kids back.","LORELAI: OK. (Sookie takes Davey from Rory and goes back inside. Lorelai and Rory follow her)","(CUT to outside, after baptism party, morning. There are tables filled with food. Jackson is holding up Martha and Davey and talking Rev.Skinner, while Sookie walks over to Lorelai)","SOOKIE: Hey, godmother.","LORELAI: Hi. So sorry, again, for the drama.","SOOKIE: You always give me a good story to tell.","LORELAI: Well, I aim to please.","SOOKIE: You know, I have a little confession to make.","LORELAI: Oh, yeah?","SOOKIE: I kind of asked you and Rory to both be godmothers because I thought it might kind of bring you back together, patch things up.","LORELAI: (mockingly) Well, blow me down.","SOOKIE: Didn't fool you, huh?","LORELAI: No, but the salads are excellent.","SOOKIE: The salads are excellent! (Lorelai notices Bo who's calling her over in what he would think a suggestive manner)","LORELAI: OK, that's it. (to Sookie) I'll be right back. (walks over to Bo) Hi, Bo.","BEAU: Hey, darlin'. (licks his thumb and rubs in on Lorelai's sweater, then repeats licking his thumb and rubs it on his sleeve) What do you say we get out of these wet clothes?","LORELAI: (disgusted) Listen, Bo. Uh, there's been a misunderstanding here. What Rune told you about me, it's not true.","BEAU: Really?","LORELAI: None of it.","BEAU: Oh.","LORELAI: Yeah!","BEAU: So you don't have a kid?","LORELAI: Uh, Well, no, I do have a kid.","BEAU: But you didn't get knocked up when you were 16?","LORELAI: Well, that part technically is true.","BEAU: And he said you've never been married. That your single and dating around...","LORELAI: Well, I've never been married exactly, but I'm engaged now. That's pretty steady. Very permanent.","BEAU: He said you were engaged before.","LORELAI: You know what? It's all true. OK, I'm a horn dog. So if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna get some potato salad.","BEAU: (in that falsely suggestive tone) Potato salad. I get it.","LORELAI: OK. (walks away from Bo, as Rory comes up to her)","RORY: So, I'm leaving.","LORELAI: OK. Drive safe.","RORY: Look, I know this is lame at this point, but you can have my new number if you want it.","LORELAI: That's okay. I can call mom, and she can leave you a note.","RORY: OK.","LORELAI: OK. (they walk in opposite directions)","(CUT to Rory's car, morning. As she's driving she picks up her phone and makes a call. Phone rings and we CUT to Yale classroom where Logan picks the phone up. The scene switches between Logan in class and Rory in the car)","LOGAN: Hello?","RORY: Hey.","LOGAN: Hey! How was the baptism?","RORY: Fine. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. I'm not handling things particularly well these days.","LOGAN: Yeah, I know what you mean.","RORY: Logan, are you okay?","LOGAN: I had a talk with my father the other day, and apparently I'm going to graduate this year. I'm going to get my act together and I'm gonna become a Huntzberger.","RORY: What does that mean?","LOGAN: I'm going to start attending shareholder meetings, letting the boys see my face around. It means my preordained life is kicking in.","RORY: Oh, I'm sorry.","LOGAN: Hey, always read the fine print on the family crest.","RORY: You know, maybe you can talk to your dad and tell him how you feel.","LOGAN: Hey, how far away are you from the airport?","RORY: Why?","LOGAN: Let's go to New York.","RORY: What?","LOGAN: New York, you and me, right now, by helicopter.","RORY: A helicopter? You're kidding.","LOGAN: We will spend the weekend at the Pierre. You don't have your community service till Monday, right?","RORY: Yeah, but...","LOGAN: Don't pack. We'll shop. Much more irresponsible.","RORY: Um...Logan...","LOGAN: I'll see you at the airport in 20 minutes, Ace.","RORY: OK, I'll see you in 20 minutes. (she hangs up and continues driving)","(CUT to Lorelai's living room, night. Lorelai is sitting on her bed with PA, a pizza and a bunch of junk food watching the Rosie O'Donnell movie. Lorelai looks very sad)","ROSIE O'DONNELL (On TV): I think he's gonna take me for a ride in it.","MAN (On TV): What about your boyfriend? What about Jesse?","ROSIE O'DONNELL (On TV): Jesse's delicious. He's gonna take me today to get a new toilet seat because mine got broken and was sliding. I would fall off of it. I go, \"whoa!\"","LORELAI: (very sad and disappointed) It's not the same. (takes a red vine and starts to eat it as she pets PA)","ROSIE O?DONNELL (On TV): What, am I scaring you? Want me to scare you? Boo boo boo!","MAN (On TV): Beth...","END Of Episode 6.04 - Always A Godmother, Never A God"],"Show Title":"Gilmore Girls","Episode Number":"06x04","Episode Title":"Always a Godmother, Never a God","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Gilmore_Girls_06x16.json","Recap":["Lorelai and Christopher attend a journalism panel at Yale where Rory dazzles the crowd. Afterwards, Lorelai offers to help Christopher by babysitting his daughter, and is horrified by the toddler's terrible behavior. The next day, Rory and Logan attend the wedding of Logan's sister, Honor. While helping the bridesmaids get ready, Rory is devastated to learn how Logan spent his time during their recent breakup. Finally, Lane is still heartbroken over Zach, until he turns up at the diner with a surprise."],"Transcript":["LUKE'S DINER","[It's busy and Luke is serving customs there meals, Lane is doing something at the counter]","LUKE: Lane, we're getting backed up here.","LANE: Done in a sec.","[Lorelai comes in the front door]","LUKE: Hey.","LORELAI: Hey.","LUKE: No bacon today. I had to fire my meat guy.","LORELAI: How could you fire pepper pot? He's so cute, and his mother has that skin condition they can't diagnose.","LUKE: He never brings what I order. I have 16 pounds of corned beef and no turkey.","[Lorelai goes to the counter and sits, Luke continues to work]","LORELAI: He's so sweet, and his father has that foot-grafting operation coming up next month.","LUKE: I can't keep a guy on because his parents are falling apart.","LORELAI: I know, but he tells those funny little limericks, and his sisters were surgically separated two weeks ago. [Kirk is sitting next to Lorelai and start is sniff Lorelai] What are you doing, Kirk?","KIRK: Did you just eat a 3 musketeers?","LORELAI: No.","KIRK: You really smell like nougat.","LUKE: Stop sniffing my fianc\u00e9e.","KIRK: I can't help it my senses are more finely tuned these days.","LORELAI: What is the scary man talking about?","LUKE: He's on a juice fast.","LORELAI: Why?","KIRK: Wanted to clean out the pipes, refocus the arteries. I want to get the healthy glow of someone who consistently goes to the gym...without having to go to the gym of course.","LORELAI: Of course. You look positively radiant.","LUKE: You want eggs?","KIRK: [Slowly like he is hungry] Eggs...","LORELAI: Err, scrambled and a couple pancakes, please.","KIRK: [Quietly to Lorelai] Blueberry pancakes, blueberry pancakes.","LORELAI: Kirk, eat something.","KIRK: What? Oh, no, I'm doing fine.","LORELAI: Yeah, okay. [To Luke] Hold on there, speed racer.","LUKE: I have to get these orders [To Lane] since I'm the only one serving here.","LANE: Almost done, Luke.","LORELAI: I just want to remind you about Rory's panel...","LUKE: What?","LORELAI: Ah the panel I'm going to today, the young voices of journalism panel.","LUKE: Rory's thing?","LORELAI: Well, it looks like Christopher is going to be there, also, and I just thought you should know.","LUKE: He's been showing up a lot lately.","LORELAI: He's trying to make good... for Rory, so...","LUKE: I'm good. I'll get you those pancakes.","KIRK: Blueberry pancakes. Blueberry pancakes!","LANE: Okay, what do you think?","LORELAI: [Gasps] Oh, nice. Very \"white rabbit.\"","LANE: Well, I want it to stand out.","LORELAI: It does. It's great.","LANE: What do you think of the picture?","LORELAI: The picture's great. What's wrong with the picture?","LANE: I photograph so Asian.","LORELAI: Yeah, well, I think Ming-Na has that same problem.","LANE: I have to get back in a band. I'm going crazy not playing.","LORELAI: I can imagine.","LANE: You go from having band practice every day and seeing [Choking up a little] certain people every day, and then suddenly you're not.","LORELAI: You mean Zach?","LANE: And Brian and Gil.","LORELAI: Yeah. You guys still aren't talking? [Lane shakes her head] Well, the flyer is great.","LANE: Thanks.","LORELAI: I like the shiny, fancy pens you used.","LANE: They're Luke's daughters, actually. She left them here last week, and I snagged them.","LORELAI: Good score. [Chuckles] So she's been coming around a lot lately, huh?","LANE: Yeah, she comes in here and studies or draws. We even play some games when things get slow. She kicks my ass at scrabble.","LORELAI: Oh, yeah?","LANE: When we play Monopoly, I rule, because she's a kid and hasn't gotten the monopoly concept. She still thinks park place is a good buy.","LORELAI: Sweet.","LANE: Yeah.","LORELAI: Huh...I used to play board games with Rory a lot. She'd get very upset when I'd cheat. Huh, so cute.","LANE: It's hard to cheat with April. She spends the first 20 minutes reading the rules manual right in front of you.","LORELAI: Rory was obsessed with battleship. I always thought she was gonna join the navy when she grew up.","LANE: Well, there's still time.","LORELAI: Yes, fingers crossed.","LUKE: [Walking up to them] Hey, Lane, how about a raise?","LANE: Sorry, Luke. [To Lorelai] I got to go.","KIRK: Peach shampoo?","[Lorelai moves down one stool away from Kirk.]","OPENING CREDITS","YALE NEWSROOM","JONI: You hate it.","RORY: Joni I don't, and I promise I'm gonna run it. I just need you to cut about 400 words. Don't give me that look. Simplify your prose. You'll still get your point across, and I won't have to publish a newspaper the size of a David Foster Wallace novel. [Comes to Paris's desk] Paris?","PARIS: Yes?","RORY: I wanted to give you some notes on your campus safety piece.","PARIS: Fine.","RORY: Um, well, I think it's good. It's really good, actually, um, but the lead's a little flabby. Getting into an example might give it more punch up top.","PARIS: If you say so. Anything else?","RORY: Uh, some of the quotes read too long. I'd cut two or three and trim, Paris, what are you doing?","PARIS: I don't know. What am I doing?","RORY: You're not making eye contact with me.","PARIS: I'm looking right at you.","RORY: No, you're not.","PARIS: Want to test me? Brown hair, blue eyes.","RORY: Here's your hard copy. I think those notes will help.","PARIS: Of course you do. They're your notes.","RORY: Not because they're my notes, because they're good notes.","PARIS: Says the note giver. It'll take half an hour.","RORY: Fine. [walks away from Paris] That was unpleasant.","DOYLE: Try sleeping with her.","RORY: I'll take your word for it.","DOYLE: No, it's impossible because she doesn't sleep anymore. She makes damn sure I don't, either. Last night she decided it would be fun to watch \"Saw II\" at 3:00 in the morning. Then when I woke up and asked her if she could turn it down, she berated me for being a film snob.","RORY: How are you handling it?","DOYLE: I believe the term for it is \"keeping my mouth shut.\"","RORY: I don't know what to do with her. She's one of the best reporters we have, but she has gone way beyond her normal level of nuts.","DOYLE: She's on the warpath right now. She'll calm down. She just needs some time.","RORY: You know, maybe I could give her more to do. That piece she just wrote would make a great series. Giving her something like that might help her rebound faster, make her the normal Paris again. What do you think.","DOYLE: Um, sure.","RORY: That wasn't very convincing.","DOYLE: It's your call.","RORY: Doyle come on former editor to current editor. What do you think?","DOYLE: [Sighs] Would you do that for any other staffer who was treating you the way she is?","RORY: No.","DOYLE: Look I have more interest in Paris snapping out of this than anyone. I think it's something she's gonna get to on her own.","RORY: Yeah... Yeah, you're probably right.","DOYLE: I got to go. I'm gonna sneak back to the apartment, see if I can get a few hours of sleep before Paris comes home and spends the rest of the night wanting to play the jazz trumpet. Yeah, she bought a trumpet.","LANE: Hey, Lou. Okay if I put an ad up?","SOPHIE'S MUSIC SHOP","[Live banjo music is playing, Lane comes in]","LOU: They come down after two weeks.","LANE: I can abide by that.","ZACH: [Singing] Take me riding in the car, car take me riding in the car, car take me riding in the car, car I'll take you riding in the car. [Notices someone asleep in the small audience, not singing] Joel.","JOEL: Mom, come on. That's not cool.","ZACH: [Singing] Click-clack, open up the door, girls click-clack, open up the door, boys front door, back door, clickety-clack. [He notices Land leaving. Music stops] Joel, take it.","JOEL: Take what?","ZACH: The song. Take it. [Zach gets up]","JOEL: Well, unh! Yeah! [Tambourine jingles & rock and roll] Unh! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Come on!","[Zach goes to the notice board and rips down what Lane put up]","LOGAN'S APARTMENT","[\"Kool Thing\" by Sonic Youth plays loudly, Rory is checking her outfit in the mirror.]","LOGAN: Hey. [Rory cant hear him]","[Music \"Now you know you're sure looking pretty\"]","RORY: Aah! Oh, you scared me.","LOGAN: Sorry.","RORY: What?","LOGAN: Sorry!","RORY: What?!","[Logan turns the volume down]","LOGAN: Sorry.","RORY: I guess that was a little loud.","LOGAN: What?!","RORY: Sorry!","LOGAN: I'm telling you, we should take this on the road. [Rory giggles] I see you went with Faye Dunaway in \"network.\"","RORY: And Maureen Dowd \"come hither\" pumps for good measure.","LOGAN: I wish I could be there for you.","RORY: Oh, you do not.","LOGAN: I do, too.","RORY: You'd be asleep in three minutes.","LOGAN: The pumps would've kept me going for at least four. [Finishes a drink] I'm in a suit at 2:00 in the afternoon. Honor has to have everyone dressed for a wedding rehearsal. How'd I get conned into this?","RORY: Into what?","LOGAN: Being one of Josh's groomsmen.","RORY: You like Josh.","LOGAN: I don't even know Josh.","RORY: He's gonna be your brother-in-law.","LOGAN: Yes, exactly \"going to be\". Key word is \"going.\" He's not now.","RORY: Your tie is crooked.","LOGAN: [Sighs]","But as of today, josh is simply the guy who holds my sister's purse when she goes shopping, and because of that, I have to spend the next six hours practicing to walk in a straight line.","RORY: You have yet to accomplish that, so practice wouldn't hurt.","LOGAN: [Sighs] I'm not there, and I'm bored already.","RORY: You can always talk to your good friend \"flasky\".","LOGAN: Right. Thanks for the reminder. I just don't understand wedding rehearsals. The bachelor party, I get.","RORY: I bet you do.","LOGAN: The actual ceremony, I get. But the rehearsal, I don't get.","RORY: Wallet.","LOGAN: And after we finish rehearsing, I have to sit through a 5-course dinner surrounded by my new family and honor's brigade of moronic bridesmaids.","RORY: Oh, come on, you love honor. Her friends can't be that bad.","LOGAN: Oh, no. Blondie, dipsy, bubbles, four nose jobs, charm McGee, all great gals.","RORY: Meow.","LOGAN: Can't you just do the panel, blow off the mixer, and meet me for the dinner?","RORY: Logan, come on. By the time I get out of there and get back here to change, drive all the way to New York, dinner would be over.","LOGAN: No, it wouldn't. Dinner's never gonna be over. It's gonna last forever.","RORY: I will be here waiting for you when you get back, and I will have aspirin.","LOGAN: Fine. I'll be back by 11:00 ten to 11:00, possibly 10:30.","RORY: Go.","LOGAN: Fine.","RORY: Did you forget something? [They share a long kiss]","LOGAN: You look incredible. Knock 'em dead. [They kiss again]","[Door closes, Rory goes to the remote and turns the volume up.]","AUDIENCE FOR THE EDITORS PANEL","[Lorelai walks in]","LORELAI: Hey.","CHRISTOPHER: Hey. [He kisses her on the cheek]","LORELAI: Nice seats.","CHRISTOPHER: I got here early and scouted out the best ones. [They sit down] We were more towards the middle, but then two people, I'm pretty sure it was Brigitte Nielsen and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, sat right in front of me.","LORELAI: Brigitte and Kareem showed up, huh?","CHRISTOPHER: I swear, any place with free cheese and crackers, they are there.","CHRISTOPHER: You look nice.","LORELAI: Thanks.","CHRISTOPHER: I think this haircut cost more than all the haircuts I've had in my life combined.","LORELAI: Hmm. Well, it was worth it. It looks very, very short.","RORY: Mom, dad.","LORELAI: The woman of the hour.","RORY: You made it.","CHRISTOPHER: Of course we did.","RORY: [Lorelai and Rory huge] Careful! The hair, it's pinned perfectly.","CHRISTOPHER: Whoa.","LORELAI: Yeah. Sorry... So, are you excited?","RORY: Yeah, and nervous. I've got a lot of talking points. I feel like I'm gonna get up there and forget everything.","CHRISTOPHER: You're gonna do great, hon.","LORELAI: Yeah, you are. You're a natural at this kind of thing. And just remember if things don't go well, we will stop loving you.","RORY: I better get up there. I'll see you guys afterwards.","LORELAI: Yeah. We'll be rooting for you.","RORY: It's not really a root-for-me kinda thing, but thank you.","LORELAI: Well, we brought foam fingers.","CHRISTOPHER: We're doing the wave if things get dull.","LORELAI: Yeah. [They take there seats, Lorelai offers a Dud to Chris] Dud?","GORDON: Welcome, everybody, to the young voices of journalism panel. I'm Arthur Gordon, a professor of English here at Yale, and I shall be moderating today's panel. We're joined today by the editors of the country's most prestigious collegiate newspapers.","CHRISTOPHER: [To Lorelai] Whoo-hoo! [Lorelai taps Chris on the arm]","GORDON: We have before us editors from the Harvard Crimson, the Daily Princetonian, the Cornell Daily Sun, the Daily Pennsylvanian, and the Yale Daily News all here today to tell us what's on their minds, to hear where they think ivy-league journalism is heading, and more broadly, to share their views on the future of the free press in America.","LORELAI: [To Chris] Whoa. Heavy.","GORDON: I will begin by posing a series of questions to our panel. Now let's begin. I was wondering how the panelists would describe the state of journalistic ethics on a collegiate level in the post-Judy Miller era, and...","QUENTIN: Wonderful question. Quentin Walsh, Daily Princetonian. The ramifications of the scandal to which you obliquely alluded ought not to be underestimated.","CHRISTOPHER: [To Lorelai] I hate this guy already.","LORELAI: Rory told me about him. That's \"pompous Princeton guy.\"","CHRISTOPHER: Well if your parents name you that, what chance do you have? [Lorelai giggles]","QUENTIN: The struggle to preserve the fundamental principles and rights upon which our free press depends was made far more difficult by the choice of certain reporters who shall remain unnamed [Laughs] To capitulate to governmental pressure and divulge their sources.","LORELAI: He's unbelievable.","CHRISTOPHER: He's wearing a bow tie.","LORELAI: Should I dud him?","QUENTIN: I myself have, on occasion, felt tremendous pressure to divulge unnamed sources, but I've stood my ground, knowing that while I may suffer for my principled stand, there was a much greater issue at stake.","RORY: If I may? Rory Gilmore, Yale Daily News. While I agree there is no greater or more important tool for a free press than confidential sources, I also think it unwise for us to presume from our limited experiences editing college newspapers that we really have any true understanding of what it must feel like when the Federal Government of the United States puts the screws to you. I just think it would be the height of hubris for us to claim that we know what we would do when faced with that kind of pressure. But that's just one reporter's opinion.","LORELAI: We created her.","CHRISTOPHER: Out of thin air.","[Later at the Panel discussion.]","RORY: I just don't care how funny the picture is. If it's not newsworthy and I can't see how it would be, I would not publish a picture of the university president stuffing his face with key lime pie at the drama club bake sale.","GORDON: I'm sure president Levin will be pleased to hear that.","[Laughter from the audience.]","RORY: If someone pushed key lime pie in the president's face as a statement, that I would print.","QUENTIN: Me, too, front page.","RORY: Quentin, you agreed with me. I didn't think you were capable.","[Laughter from the audience.]","GORDON: On that note calendula, we have to end our discussion. I'd like to thank all our panelists for a terrific discussion and thank you all for coming.","LORELAI: Our girl's got skills.","CHRISTOPHER: She even had her archrival laughing with her by the end.","LORELAI: She's keeping her enemies close and giggling.","CHRISTOPHER: Very devious.","RORY: So?","LORELAI: If I had a cooler of Gatorade, I'd pour it over your head.","RORY: Sounds refreshing. So, I was pretty good, wasn't I?","LORELAI: You dazzled.","CHRISTOPHER: You totally wiped the floor with \"pompous Princeton guy\".","RORY: Well, the floor looked a little dirty.","LORELAI: So, can we take you out for an ice-cream soda?","RORY: Sorry. I gotta go we have this editors' mixer thing now. Rain check?","LORELAI: Yeah, go. Mix well.","CHRISTOPHER: Bye, hon.","RORY: Bye.","LORELAI: We were just rain-checked.","CHRISTOPHER: Yep.","LORELAI: I don't know how I feel about that.","CHRISTOPHER: Okay, so I kept track, wrote 'em down. I got 16 words that she used that I have never heard before.","LORELAI: Perspicacious?","CHRISTOPHER: 17 words that I have never heard before. My god, she's smart.","LORELAI: She is smart. She's Anthony Michael hall in \"breakfast club\" smart.","CHRISTOPHER: I'm very proud and mystified. [Pager beeps]","LORELAI: Well, me, baby, all me.","CHRISTOPHER: Oh, it's my new nanny.","LORELAI: Oh, does sienna know about this?","CHRISTOPHER: Actually, this is the fourth new nanny in six months. I'm telling you, pickings are slim out there for someone decent to look after your kid.","LORELAI: I think that's why they invented parents.","CHRISTOPHER: Ah, crap, she can't work Sunday.","LORELAI: What's going on Sunday?","CHRISTOPHER: I promised my mother I'd take her to the cemetery to visit my dad's grave. I'm thinking it might not be the thrill for G.G. That it's gonna be for the rest of us.","LORELAI: Not without noisemakers, it won't.","CHRISTOPHER: This s single parent stuff.","LORELAI: Fun, huh?","CHRISTOPHER: I tell you, I can't wait till G.G. Starts school.","LORELAI: G.G.'s starting school? You're so old. Where is she gonna go?","CHRISTOPHER: Not sure yet. These snotty private schools are impossible. There are waiting lists and psychological tests and blood samples and sworn oaths and dark back-room promises, and every single headmistress looks like Dick Cheney.","LORELAI: You can always send her to public school.","CHRISTOPHER: Yes, I could, if I wanted to kill my mother.","LORELAI: Well, you will be at the cemetery tomorrow.","CHRISTOPHER: Lor.","LORELAI: [Chuckles] You know um, If you're ever stuck and you need somebody to watch her, I'd be happy to fill in.","CHRISTOPHER: Really?","LORELAI: Yeah, I'm fun. I like Teletubbies.","CHRISTOPHER: Sober?","LORELAI: [Scoffs] I have got plenty of Rory's old books and games, and I'm totally at your service.","CHRISTOPHER: Okay, well, I just may take you up on that.","LORELAI: Good.","CHRISTOPHER: So, what does \"perspicacious\" mean?","LORELAI: I don't know. \"Persp\", to perspire? Am I close?","CHRISTOPHER: Close enough for me.","BAT MITZVAH","[Band plays introduction to \"Hollaback Girl\", Zach walks in and listens as they play.]","GIL: [Singing] So, that's right, dude meet me at the bleachers no principals, no student teachers both of us want to be the winner but there can only be one so, I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you that's right, I'm the last one standing another one bites the dust a few times I've been around that track so it's not just gonna happen like that","I ain't no hollaback girl I ain't no hollaback girl A few times I've been around that track so it's not just gonna happen like that 'cause I ain't no hollaback girl I ain't no hollaback girl ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh","[Cheers and applause]","GIL: Thank you, everyone. That's our Bat Mitzvah girl Julia Lowman's favorite song in the world, and I can see why, because it's full of strong female attitude, which I dig. Let me tell you, Julia, guys are turned on by that. Don't think they aren't. They like girls with legs and brains, like smart biker chicks, you know? So keep on the path you're on, keep up with school, and, baby, you're going places. [Applause] I see the cake coming out of the kitchen, everybody, so we're gonna break for a couple minutes to sugar up. Back in a few.","ZACH: Hey, guys.","BRIAN: [To Gil] I think you used too much whammy bar during \"my humps.\"","GIL: I was out of control.","ZACH: So, you guys aren't gonna talk to me?","BRIAN: What's there to talk about?","GIL: Yeah, man. You're way deep in my bogus bag, and it's zip locked shut.","ZACH: Well, you guys sounded great.","GIL: Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's a West Hartford Bat Mitzvah, not the Albert Hall. Well, a gig's a gig.","ZACH: Totally. A gig's a gig. This crowd is lucky. I'm telling you, it was tight. You could've played that at the Albert Hall... [To Brian] So, uh, I reached a new level on Soulcalibur 3.","BRIAN: Uh-huh.","ZACH: Level 50 assassin.","BRIAN: Really?","ZACH: Yeah I just low-kicked my way through and chalked up a mess of perfects.","BRIAN: You're gonna take the sword master mantel soon.","ZACH: But you're, like, the original sword master.","BRIAN: I beat the last boss. Hit him middle, high, middle, low, middle, high. Took forever to figure out all his specials.","ZACH: I know. I was sitting next to you when you did it. It was awesome... Listen, this thing with us, I want to fix it.","GIL: It's too late.","ZACH: It's not. Look, I know I was an idiot. If I could turn back time, I would.","BRIAN: Oh, hey, \"turn back time.\" We should add that to the set. Cher is always a slam dunk.","ZACH: I want to get the band back together. We were going somewhere, you know? About to play for a label, and, well, I miss you guys. I don't mean to get all \"Brokeback Mountain\" on you, but we're buds, you know, and I miss you, and you're not gonna believe it, but that kid over there is about to down a whole cup of maraschino cherries.","GIL: That's Aton, the Feldman's boy.","BRIAN: He's gonna do it, man. He's gonna do it.","KIDS: [Chanting] Go, go, go! Yay!","GIL: He did it!","ZACH: I didn't think he had it in him.","BRIAN: He is gonna be puking.","ZACH: So, what do you say, guys? You want to re-form Hep Alien?","GIL: Maybe, if you can get lane.","BRIAN: She'll never come back.","ZACH: Leave lane to me. I'm gonna reason with her.","BRIAN: Well, if lane's in, I'm in.","GIL: Me, too. Hep Alien has got to rock again.","ZACH: Cool. [The 3 of them shake hands together]","MAN: Excuse me, Gilbert. [Talks in Gil's ear]","GIL: Oh it's time for the big one.","BRIAN: Let's do it.","ZACH: Kick ass, guys.","GIL: All right. Let's bring this whole mishpachah down to the dance floor, 'cause it's time to rock-a-dila!","Hava naGila, hava naGila, hava naGila, venis'mecha, hava naGila, hava naGila, hava naGila, venis'mecha","[Zach, dances in the crowd]","HONOR'S WEDDING","[Logan and Rory enter]","RORY: This place is like a labyrinth.","LOGAN: Well if you get lost, keep your hand on the wall and keep walking. You'll find your way out or get eaten by a Minotaur.","RORY: Thanks, chum.","LOGAN: Josh, my man, what's going on?","JOSHONOR: My cuff links have been stolen.","LOGAN: Don't worry. I'm good at finding things. At Easter-egg hunts, they used to make me wear an eye patch to keep things fair.","JOSHONOR: Okay, but I suspect thievery.","LOGAN: You sure you'll be okay hanging out by yourself for a while?","RORY: For at least a fortnight. I'm good. Go, put on your eye patch, and find some cuff links. [They Kiss]","LOGAN: I'll see you later. Come on, josh. Dead man walking!","RORY: Excuse me. I'm trying to find the library.","MAN: Oh, sure, it's in the east wing.","HONOR: Rory!","RORY: Oh, hey, bride. You look beautiful.","HONOR: You like my wedding sweats? [They giggle] I'm beginning think town & country might not approve.","RORY: How are you doing?","HONOR: Okay. You have to come back and hang out with me and the bridesmaids.","RORY: Oh, that's sweet, but I can't. I have all this work.","SOFIA: Ladies, come on. Makeup time. And whoever took Josh's cuff links, hand them over.","HONOR: Look, the girls have cracked open a case of champagne. I need you to be my designated dresser. I'm the bride, you can't say no to a bride. It's bad luck.","RORY: I guess I can do my work tomorrow.","HONOR: That's always been my motto. Come on. All day, if anyone does something I don't want them to, I'm saying it's bad luck. I swear, getting married is so fabulous!","[They go into the dressing room]","HONOR: Everybody, so, this is my lovely friend Rory. Rory is gonna hang out with us while we get ready. Some of you might have met at the shower, but this is Alexandra, Walker, Megan, and Claude.","[They all say Hi.]","WALKER: Welcome to the final hours of honor's maidenhood.","ALEXANDRA: Yeah right, Honor's maidenhood didn't make it to upper school at Brearley.","HONOR: Not true. Turks and Caicos -- 1996.","MEGAN: Anyway, we're here to celebrate these last precious hours before we lose Honor to the dark side.","WALKER: And to celebrate, we drink booze.","[Together, Whoo!]","HONOR: Not me. I'm having one glass right before the ceremony.","ALEXANDRA: Whatever you need to tell yourself.","CLAUDE: Ooh, I love that dress, Rory.","RORY: Oh, thanks.","MEGAN: Is that Carolina's?","RORY: Um, no, it's mine.","HONOR: Oh, Rory, this is Italo. Italo's a total genius. If they gave Macarthur grants for hair, he'd get one.","WOMAN: Okay, girls, I need to get you in these chairs pronto.","WALKER: Bridezilla?","HONOR: [Laughs] Okay, but just one now and one right before the ceremony.","ALEXANDRA: Whatever you need to tell yourself.","HONOR: I need it to make a toast. [Clears throat] To friends, old and new, borrowed and blue. You guys are awesome.","[Together, Yay!]","WALKER: To honor and to honor's honor. The missing maidenhood. [Cheering and laughing]","[SCENE_BREAK]","LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE","[Doorbell rings]","LORELAI: Hi.","CHRISTOPHER: Hey.","LORELAI: What's all this?","CHRISTOPHER: G.G.'S pillow. Here's her blanket and duvet cover.","LORELAI: Err, what no mattress and box spring?","CHRISTOPHER: She never goes anywhere without her duvet cover. She calls it her scrunchy-bunchy because she likes to scrunch it...","LORELAI: and bunch it. Hey I get it. Um, did you forget the kid?","CHRISTOPHER: Oh, uh, G.G. come on, honey.","LORELAI: What's she chasing?","CHRISTOPHER: Oh, that's a cat.","LORELAI: Err, just so you know, that cat bites, scratches, and sprays, and I'm pretty sure it's in heat.","CHRISTOPHER: G.G.? Come on, sweetie. Right now. [G.G. Comes to the door]","LORELAI: Hey, kiddo. I'm so excited to hang out with you today.","CHRISTOPHER: G.G., You want to give Lorelai a hug?","G.G.: [Yelling] No! [She drops her jacket, takes the scrunchy-bunchy and runs into the living room]","CHRISTOPHER: G.G., Please come back here and pick up your jacket. G.G.?","LORELAI: I'll get it for you.","CHRISTOPHER: Thanks again for doing this. I really appreciate it.","LORELAI: Please. I'm looking forward to it. I managed to find UNO and checkers and parts of battleship and most of the pieces of candy land, which I figure we can mix together to create a fabulous new game, candy ship battle land. War never tasted so good.","CHRISTOPHER: Okay, then. Well, I'm off. [Chris kisses Lorelai on the cheek]","LORELAI: Go. Get out of here. [Chuckles, closes the door and goes to find G.G. , Gasps] You already figured how to turn on the TV on? You smarty. [Sits on the couch next to her] So, what are we watching?","G.G.: Shh! [Which makes Lorelai back off]","LORELAI: \"Shhhhh-indler's list\"? [Chuckles] Oh, \"Full House.\" You know, I think the Olsen twins weigh less now than they did on that show. [G.G. looks at Lorelai] Right. I get it. I don't like it when people talk to me when I'm watching TV either.","HONOR'S WEDDING - DRESSING ROOM","[The bridesmaids are dressed and standing around, drinking]","HONOR: Okay, so I don't look obese?","MEGAN: You look like a skeleton.","WALKER: A beautiful, blushing skeleton.","HONOR: Whoa.","RORY: What?","HONOR: All of a sudden the idea of marriage seems totally archaic and insane. Legally binding one woman with one man until they die? It's perverse. Why on earth do people do this?! Why am I doing this?!","WALKER: Uh-oh. Freak-out.","CLAUDE: You love Josh, remember?","HONOR: Oh, yeah, josh. Okay. Okay, freak-out over. [Laughs] I wonder if josh is freaking out.","MEGAN: We saw him before we took a smoke break. He looked nervous.","HONOR: Oh, adorable. Hey, can someone check my sling-back? It feels messed up, and I can't reach my own feet.","WALKER: Certainly. [Gets down on the floor, half drunk] Oh, yes, the sling-back is not slung back properly. I think I can remedy this if I just sling this back. [She knock the bottle of Champaign over she is holding and everyone gasps] Oops!","HONOR: Did that get on my dress? Someone tell me if I need to freak out.","MEGAN: It's fine.","[They all laugh]","HONOR: Get away from me, you lousy drunk.","WALKER: Hey, that's offensive. I'm a terrific drunk.","HONOR: I need my designated dresser.","RORY: At your service.","HONOR: Make sure it's secure because I plan on dancing tonight.","CLAUDE: Speaking of dancing, has anyone warned Rory about the quote-unquote dignitaries coming to the shindig? It's always the same culprits.","RORY: I need warning?","ALEXANDRA: The ambassador from Luxembourg is very handsy.","MEGAN: No, you have to watch out for that poet. What's his name?","WALKER: The dude with the red face?","MEGAN: He just did a translation of the \"Bhagavad Gita.\" Anyway, he acts like he's gay, but it's such a ruse. Total perv.","RORY: Poet, red face, not gay, \"Bhagavad Gita,\" perv. Got it.","SOFIA: I'm going to steal the bride to take a couple quick pictures. Honor, honey, grab your veil. The rest of you, 3-minute warning.","RORY: You are dance-floor ready.","HONOR: Thank you, my dear. See you soon, everybody.","SOFIA: Head that way, toward the sitting room. We don't want Josh to see you in your dress. It's bad luck.","HONOR: Please. Like I care about things like that.","[Door closes]","MEGAN: I look like a drag queen.","WALKER: My hair is insane.","ALEXANDRA: I want your hair. My hair looks like Linda Kers. Italo was punishing me.","WALKER: I'll tell you what I want, to hook up with someone tonight.","ALEXANDRA: Just remember that pinning guys in the corner and shoving your tongue down their throats can sometimes come off as desperate.","WALKER: But I am desperate, I swear. I might go home with the ambassador from Luxembourg.","CLAUDE: Come on. There'll be plenty of eligible bachelors tonight.","WALKER: Like who?","CLAUDE: The groomsmen, for starters.","ALEXANDRA: Tripp Wallison is looking good.","MEGAN: You always think he's looking good.","ALEXANDRA: 'Cause he always is. Anyway, so do you.","CLAUDE: Alexandra and Megan have both slept with Tripp.","RORY: Small world.","ALEXANDRA: I'm with Liam. You can have Tripp.","WALKER: Tripp's too short. I'm over the whole Mia Farrow, Woody Allen thing.","CLAUDE: How about Josh's brother?","WALKER: Poor man's josh? Really poor man's? He's the josh they give away at the soup kitchens.","ALEXANDRA: Oh, there's always Logan.","WALKER: Been there, done that.","CLAUDE: Shush!","WALKER: What \"shush\"? You should talk.","CLAUDE: Rory is Logan's girlfriend.","WALKER: Oops. Oh, my god, you're Rory-Rory. I'm so retarded. Don't worry. This was way before you guys started dating. This was back around Thanksgiving.","RORY: [Confused] Last Thanksgiving?","WALKER: It meant nothing. Believe me, meaningless.","MEGAN: Walker will have s*x with anyone.","WALKER: I will.","CLAUDE: I'm sure you know Logan and I dated, but that was ages ago, eons, back when he drove a Z3. And then we had a stupid one-night stand this December, but there's nothing between us, I swear. We're just friends who drank too much spiked eggnog. Now he's met you, and you guys are so great together, really.","RORY: [Still in shock] Thanks.","ALEXANDRA: I didn't know you slept with Logan. I thought you two messed around.","WALKER: No, you said you just messed around with him. I said that he and I hooked up. I meant hooked up-hooked up.","ALEXANDRA: [To Walker] I thought you just meant messed around.","MEGAN: [To Alexandra] How come you never told me you messed around with Logan. Why am I not in the loop?","ALEXANDRA: I'm with Liam. Officially, nothing happened. These shoes are killing my feet.","WALKER: Just scrunch up your toes a little bit. That's what I'm doing. It feels good.","RORY: Did you hook up with Logan around Thanksgiving?","MEGAN: No way. I was in Biarritz.","SOFIA: Okay, ladies, time to line up. The processional is about to start. Rory, you better go find your seat.","MEGAN: I look like Rupaul.","WALKER: Where's my flowers? Does Sofia have the flowers?","CLAUDE: See you at the party, Rory.","[Rory still in shock goes and sits down]","ALEXANDRA: Oh, just F.Y.I. Before I got together with Liam, he slept with half the upper east side, and now he's loyal as a dog.","WALKER: I need my flowers. [Alexandra points to the bunch Walker is holding] Oh, I already have my flowers. Oops!","[All together the bridal part says \"Bye, Rory\" as she sits wondering what just happened]","LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE","[Lorelai is cleaning up]","LORELAI: I don't know how you did it, kid, but every single thing I own is now broken or missing. Oh, G.G., Hon, you're coloring on the floor there. The, the it's not enough the paper's near the marker. It has to actually be under it. [small laugh] G.G., Give me, oh, that's a permanent marker, honey. Give me that.","G.G.: No!","LORELAI: Yes. Permanent marker causes permanent damage, which makes auntie Lorelai permanently bitter, now...","G.G.: No!","LORELAI: G.G. [Gasps as G.G. deliberately draws a line on the floor] Oh, my god! God, give me that. [Takes the marker from G.G.]","G.G.: [Screaming]","LORELAI: If that's your Donald Sutherland \"invasion of the body snatchers\" impression, it's a really good one. [Screaming continues] \"I'm sorry, ma'am, those tonsils are gonna have to come out.\" [Screaming continues] G.G., Please, if you stop, I'll give you one of those caramel apples that I showed you, okay? They're delicious, but to get one you have to stop making the world's most annoying noise in 5, 4, 3, 2... [Screaming stops...Lorelai sighs] Thank you. Nothing a little eardrum replacement surgery won't fix. Come on, let's go in the kitchen. [she runs past Lorelai] G.G.? Hey, don't you go into Rory's room. You know you're not allowed in there. G.G.? Hey, you. [Door slams] I know this is a clich\u00e9, but just wait till your father gets home!","HONOR'S WEDDING - DRESSING ROOM","[Rory is still sitting on the same chair]","LOGAN: Here you are.","RORY: Here I am.","LOGAN: I was looking all over for you. I didn't see you when I was walking down the aisle. Looked for you during the ceremony. Where were you?","RORY: Here.","LOGAN: Here? You missed the wedding?","RORY: I'll apologize to honor later.","LOGAN: Forget Honor. What's going on? Rory.","RORY: You didn't say a word. You just let me walk into a room full of girls you'd had s*x with. Oh, no, wait. I'm sorry. You only had s*x with two of them. One you just \"fooled around with,\" whatever that means. She spared me the parameters of the fooling around. You want to fill me in?","LOGAN: Rory.","RORY: You know what? Never mind. I've got a good imagination. I can figure it out.","LOGAN: Okay, look.","RORY: I can't believe it, you didn't just cheat on me, you really cheated on me.","LOGAN: I didn't cheat on you.","RORY: Oh, so you didn't sleep with...","LOGAN: No, I did, but we were broken up.","RORY: No, you were broken up, not me. I thought we were just taking some time.","LOGAN: Apart, not seeing each other.","RORY: Yes, taking some time, not seeing each other for a while. That doesn't mean \"broken up.\"","LOGAN: Oh, come on.","RORY: No! When... To break up, you have to tell the other person. You can't just decide that you're broken off and then just go off and...god, I can't believe I fell for all your stupid tricks, the coffee cart and going to my mother. You went to my mother. Why would you bother going through that? You had plenty of backup. What do you need me for?","LOGAN: Because I love you.","RORY: No. Don't.","LOGAN: Rory, I didn't cheat on you. I didn't lie to you.","RORY: You didn't tell me.","LOGAN: Of course not. Why would I want you to be hurt and upset and angry?","RORY: \"Blondie, dizzy\", I love the cover, pretending all those girls were worthless idiots.","LOGAN: They are worthless idiots, shooting their mouths off in front of you like that.","RORY: It's not their fault.","LOGAN: It is their fault. They love doing crap like this, causing trouble.","RORY: We were only apart for like two seconds, and you managed to sleep with every one of your sister's friends. How did you even do that? I mean, did you work them in shifts? Were there charts, signals, b-12 shots?","LOGAN: I was depressed. I was lonely. I was upset. I've known these girls forever. It was just companionship, okay? It meant nothing.","RORY: Don't be at the apartment between 10:00 and 1:00 tomorrow so I can get my stuff.","[Rory leaves]","LUKE'S DINER - NIGHT","[It's busy]","CAESAR: Coffee on it's way.","[A customer leaves and Kirk snatches some toast off his plate]","KIRK: What?","LANE: You're disgusting, and you're cheating on your juice diet.","KIRK: I didn't cheat. I expanded the definition of \"juice\"... I feel dirty.","ZACH: Hey.","LANE: We're out of food.","KIRK: What?!","ZACH: I have to talk to you a sec. I went to a Bat Mitzvah last night.","LANE: [To Zach] Mazel tov. [To Babette] You want some more coffee?","BABETTE: What the hell.","ZACH: I talked to the guys.","LANE: I know you ripped my flyer down.","ZACH: What?","LANE: My \"drummer wanted\" flyer at Sophie's. It was ripped down, and Lou said he saw you do it. I just want you to know that I think that sucks.","ZACH: Well, \"a,\" Lou's a fathead, and, two, I had my reasons. Come on, Lane, stop. I have to talk to you.","LANE: About what? What do you have to talk to me about, Zach?","ZACH: I have to talk to you about how it's all feeling wrong. I tried to write a song about it, and I was gonna bring my amp and axe and play it for you. But it was coming out way too Emo, so I decided to just say it. [takes a deep breath] I get up in the morning and I don't feel good. I go to work and I don't feel good. I come home and I don't feel good. I brush my teeth and I don't feel good. Then I go to bed and I don't feel good. Then I wake up and I don't feel good. And then I go to work and I don't feel good.","BABETTE: You don't feel good! We get it! Go on!","LUKE: Hey, is something burning down here?","LANE: Luke, shh!","LUKE: Okay, sorry.","LANE: Go on.","ZACH: Right. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Lane, will you marry me?","[People in the diner gasp.]","LANE: What?","ZACH: [Softly] Will you marry me?","LANE: But...do you even know what you're saying? I mean, have you even thought about this? [Zach pulls a ring from his pocket] Oh, my god, you have thought about this.","ZACH: I got it at the pawn shop. It belonged to like an Elk or a Moose or something. But it looked cool, and I could afford it, so I got it. [Hands the ring to Lane] You're smiling.","LANE: I know.","ZACH: Does this mean yes?","LANE: Yes. It means yes.","ZACH: Really? Cool.","BABETTE: For god's sakes, kiss him, sugar!","KIRK: [Eating] Yeah, kiss him, sugar! [Cheers and applause as they kiss.]","LANE: So...I should get back to work.","ZACH: It's okay. I wasn't thinking the ceremony should be today or anything.","LANE: I'm off at 8:00.","ZACH: I'll swing by.","LANE: [Walks behind the counter, to Luke] I'm getting married.","LUKE: I heard.","LANE: [Giggles, and starts handing food and a toaster to customers, she's in a daze. Luke puts the toaster back and plates to customer who are meant to get them.]","LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE","[Doorbell rings, Lorelai answers it.]","LORELAI: Hey.","CHRISTOPHER: Hi, Mary Poppins.","LORELAI: [Chuckles] Sorry, the place is a mess.","CHRISTOPHER: It's okay. I left my white gloves at home.","LORELAI: So, how'd it go with you today?","CHRISTOPHER: Great. I got everything done. It was actually nice spending some time with my mom.","LORELAI: Good.","CHRISTOPHER: So, what, you lose my kid? Should I call the milk carton people?","LORELAI: Oh, she's asleep in Rory's room.","CHRISTOPHER: She's all tuckered out, huh?","LORELAI: Yeah, either that or she knocked herself out. She was throwing books around Rory's room.","CHRISTOPHER: What do you mean?","LORELAI: Well, when she was done drawing on the floor and pouring chocolate milk on Paul Anka, then she took to throwing books around for a while. This was before the spitting and the furniture kicking and the grand finale where she pulled all the sheets off the bed and tried to flush them down the toilet.","CHRISTOPHER: You're kidding.","LORELAI: Oh, I'm really not.","CHRISTOPHER: Well, she's a spirited kid.","LORELAI: Spirited, possessed. Potato, po-tah-to.","CHRISTOPHER: 3-year-olds can be a lot to handle. If you're not used it, I'm sure it can be overwhelming.","LORELAI: Oh, no, no, this wasn't 3-year-old hard-to-handle. This was feral hyena hard-to-handle.","CHRISTOPHER: So, you guys didn't click.","LORELAI: Chris, this is not about clicking. This is about spoiled.","CHRISTOPHER: Spoiled?","LORELAI: Yes, G.G. Has clearly never heard the word \"no\" in her entire life.","CHRISTOPHER: She's heard the word \"no.\"","LORELAI: Well, at no time did me saying \"no\" elicit anything other than a scream. I said, \"no coloring on the floor\", she screamed. I said, \"no pulling Paul Anka's tail\", she screamed. I tried discussing Japanese Noh theater with her. She screamed.","CHRISTOPHER: So what?","LORELAI: I'm not saying it's her fault. I'm saying I think you could apply a little more discipline.","CHRISTOPHER: She's a kid. Kids are hard.","LORELAI: Yeah, I know kids. I raised one, okay?","CHRISTOPHER: Kids are different today. It's a different world. They need more nurturing, more space.","LORELAI: I'm sorry. Uh, yes, that was Dr. Spock turning over in his grave.","CHRISTOPHER: We're going.","LORELAI: [Sighs] Come on, Chris. It isn't just me. Those preschool interviews?","CHRISTOPHER: Those people don't know what they're talking about.","LORELAI: And the nanny?","CHRISTOPHER: Is a flake.","LORELAI: [Sighs] You know giving G.G. Whatever she wants isn't gonna make up for Sherry being a crappy mom and bailing.","CHRISTOPHER: You know what? I've had enough of your advice and your help. [Chris carries G.G. out]","RICH MAN'S SHOE","[Rory is drunk]","RORY: Hit me, barkeep.","BARTENDER: That's your third one.","RORY: What are you, my mother?","BARTENDER: No.","RORY: No, you're not. I'm not driving, and I live right over... there, or somewhere near there. Or there. But it's close, and I'm walking, and I want another drink.","BARTENDER: Okay.","RORY: [Sighs] Hey! These are mine.","WAITRESS: I was just gonna get them out of your way.","RORY: Don't take what's mine. These came with my drinks. He put them down in front of me. I did not ask you to move them, did I?","WAITRESS: Whatever.","RORY: Snappy comeback. Dorothy Parker know about you? Sick of people touching my stuff.","BARTENDER: [Hands Rory the drink] Here you go. [Puts a bowl of nuts on the bar] Eat something.","RORY: You eat something. [pays for the drink]","DOYLE: Well, hello, Rory. Fancy meeting you here.","RORY: Hi, Doyle.","DOYLE: I didn't see you sitting here, or I would've come over sooner. I've been here a while. I've been mixing beer and wine and Malibu rum.","RORY: That sounds bad.","DOYLE: Yep, it is bad. It's been a long, bad night. How about you? How's your night been?","RORY: [Sarcastically] Really excellent.","DOYLE: Okay, well, then, let's drink to really excellent evenings.","[They toast]","RORY: To really excellent evenings.","DOYLE: Paris threw me out.","RORY: What? No. Why?","DOYLE: I told her you were thinking of making her \"Campus Safety\" piece a series and that I told you not to.","RORY: Why would you do that?","DOYLE: I don't know. It just came out. We were fighting. She was miserable and not sleeping and just sitting at that craft table, hot-gluing bead after bead after bead. And then when I tried to take the glue gun out of her hand, all hell broke loose.","RORY: Oh, boy.","DOYLE: She kicked me out, told me to leave. I came here.","RORY: That sucks.","DOYLE: I drank a lot.","RORY: Love sucks.","DOYLE: Went and bought a car for that woman.","RORY: Me too.","DOYLE: Now I have to move out.","RORY: Me too.","DOYLE: You too, what?","RORY: I have to move out of Logan's apartment.","DOYLE: Why?","RORY: Because Logan had many, many blondes for thanksgiving.","DOYLE: Sounds terrible. Did you love him?","RORY: Yep.","DOYLE: It's terrible when you love 'em.","RORY: I don't know where I'm gonna go.","DOYLE: I'm staying with two guys who have black-light posters on every single wall. It's depressing.","RORY: You guys will get back together. You and Paris are perfect for each other.","DOYLE: I mean, there's socks hanging everywhere. I don't even know if they're clean socks. They're just hanging. I wonder what Paris is doing now.","RORY: I wonder how long till Logan sleeps with somebody else... Bet he already has. [Takes a last drink] Ohh, empty. Sad.","BARTENDER: How we doing?","RORY: Fine. We're fine.","DOYLE: I want to die.","RORY: I want more. You want more?","DOYLE: Uh-huh.","RORY: Oh, rats. I'm out of money. I had to take a cab back from New York, so of course I have no drinking money.","DOYLE: I've got money. It's in something in my pants, somewhere down here in this general area. I'll hold still while you look.","RORY: No, that's okay. I'm gonna go.","DOYLE: Yeah? Okay. I'll go, too. [Gets off the stool too quick.] Oh, bad move. Bad, bad move.","RORY: Come on. I got you.","[They exit the pub]","RORY: Doyle, use your feet.","DOYLE: It's cold. I'm cold.","RORY: You want my coat?","DOYLE: Okay. [Rory taes it off and Doyle puts it on] This is lovely.","RORY: Thank you.","DOYLE: Okay, well, thanks for the company.","RORY: Yeah, you too.","DOYLE: Bye, Rory.","RORY: Bye, Doyle. [They hug and Doyle starts to kiss Rory on the neck] Uh, Doyle? Doyle, what are you doing?","DOYLE: Uh...","RORY: You were kissing my neck.","DOYLE: Oh, god, I was. I was kissing your neck. And I was nuzzling, too.","RORY: There was definitely nuzzling.","DOYLE: I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me.","RORY: And you used your tongue.","DOYLE: I just miss her so much.","RORY: Doyle, go home.","DOYLE: I don't have a home.","RORY: Yes, you do. You have a home with black-light posters and dirty socks. I don't have a home.","DOYLE: Oh, right.","RORY: Night, Doyle. [Starts to walk away] Oh, my god, could this day get any worse?","LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE","[Lorelai is cleaning the floor, the telephone rings]","LORELAI: [Growns then answers] Yeah?","CHRISTOPHER: Lor?","LORELAI: Ah, well, if it isn't Da Vinci's daddy.","CHRISTOPHER: How's the floor?","LORELAI: Very festive.","CHRISTOPHER: I'm sorry about that. I'll have a floor guy come fix it.","LORELAI: Well, don't worry about it. The house was too perfect. Now it's lived-in.","CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, well...","LORELAI: You're awfully quiet. G.G. Got a gun on you or something?","CHRISTOPHER: I'm sorry, Lor.","LORELAI: Oh, Chris.","CHRISTOPHER: I was so far out of line.","LORELAI: Don't worry about it.","CHRISTOPHER: Everything you said, you were... so right.","LORELAI: I hate when that happens.","CHRISTOPHER: G.G. Is completely out of control. I can't say no to her. I'm just -- I'm just so... I don't know. I'm so mad at Sherry for taking off like that. I mean, who leaves a kid?","LORELAI: Well...","CHRISTOPHER: Yes, I know. I left a kid. I tell you, Lor, I don't think I really got how you felt about me until now because I want to kill Sherry.","LORELAI: I never wanted to kill you. I wanted to key your car, which I did once, by the way.","CHRISTOPHER: It's not right that G.G. Doesn't get a mom. It's not right that all she has is me. What a super bargain that is.","LORELAI: Oh, Chris, come on.","CHRISTOPHER: I don't want her to feel like she's missing anything. I want her to be happy.","LORELAI: I know.","CHRISTOPHER: I can't get her into a school. No one will take her. They say she's uncontrollable and aggressive and all sorts of other horrible-sounding terms.","LORELAI: Well, school is overrated. Ask Abraham Lincoln.","CHRISTOPHER: I suck as a dad.","LORELAI: No, you don't. Look, I get the single-parent guilt, but in the end, G.G. Needs you to say no.","CHRISTOPHER: I know. I've ruined her.","LORELAI: You haven't ruined her. It's not too late.","CHRISTOPHER: You sure?","LORELAI: I'm positive. You can turn this around. I know you can. You're a great guy with a great heart. You just need to be a little tougher.","CHRISTOPHER: Yeah.","LORELAI: I'll help you in any way I can. I promise. We'll fix this.","CHRISTOPHER: You're amazing, Lor.","LORELAI: Only in the true sense of the word.","CHRISTOPHER: Thanks for being around.","LORELAI: Any time.","CHRISTOPHER: [Glass shatters, G.G. Screams. Sighs ] I got to...","LORELAI: I know. Go. [Ends the phone call]","HALLWAY TO PARIS'S APARTMENT","[Rory sighs and knocks on the door]","PARIS: Get the bowls and chopsticks out, guys. Somebody pick a movie already. [The door opens] I thought you were Hing Yee's.","RORY: Sorry.","PARIS: What do you want?","RORY: Can I talk to you for a sec?","PARIS: Fine. [Unchains the door and lets her in.]","RORY: Where is everybody?","PARIS: I ordered food for 10, and I didn't want the delivery guy to look at me like I was a hog. I don't need to display my pathetic ness to the world.","RORY: You're not pathetic, Paris.","PARIS: Doyle and I broke up.","RORY: I know. I sort of ran into Doyle earlier.","PARIS: Oh, yeah?","RORY: Yeah, he looked pretty upset.","PARIS: I don't care.","RORY: Okay.","PARIS: So, is that why you came over here, 'cause you heard that we broke up?","RORY: Well...yes.","PARIS: You're a really good friend.","RORY: Oh, not really.","PARIS: I throw you out, I treat you like dirt, no one else can stand me, but you come over to make sure I'm all right.","RORY: Well, Paris?","PARIS: Yeah?","RORY: In the name of full disclosure, I should tell you, Logan and I broke up, too, today. I'm moving out.","PARIS: How come?","RORY: He cheated on me...with an entire wedding party.","PARIS: Oh... Nice.","RORY: Yeah.","PARIS: Men suck.","RORY: They do suck.","PARIS: Can't count on them. They never have your back.","RORY: No, they don't.","PARIS: They make you love them, and then they let you down, and you're walking around with a stomachache for the next six months.","RORY: Is that how long it lasts?","PARIS: I don't know. I hope it's only six months.","RORY: Yeah, me too.","PARIS: You can stay here, you know, if you want.","RORY: Really?","PARIS: Sure. Take my room if you want. I've been sleeping at my crafts table lately.","RORY: Thanks, Paris.","PARIS: Sure... Hungry? I got food coming.","RORY: Starving.","PARIS: Hey, I just realized, when the food arrives, now I really can ask someone to get the bowls. Silver lining, huh?","RORY: Sure is.","LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM","[Lorelai is in bed, telephone rings]","LORELAI: Hello?","RORY: Hey, it's me.","LORELAI: Hey, you! How was the wedding?","RORY: Sucko. I've got a new address for you.","LORELAI: Uh-oh."],"Show Title":"Gilmore Girls","Episode Number":"06x16","Episode Title":"Bridesmaids Revisited","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Gilmore_Girls_07x04.json","Recap":["Lorelai and Christopher have begun to date, and although Lorelai is finding it difficult to fully commit to the relationship, Christopher keeps coming up with romantic dates to win her over. Back at Yale, Rory meets some eccentric new girlfriends at an art exhibit, and Richard becomes a guest lecturer. April comes to stay with Luke for a few weeks while Anna is out of town. Finally, Emily gets arrested and Lorelai has to bail her out of jail. First appearance of Olivia ( Michelle Ongkingco ) and Lucy ( Krysten Ritter )."],"Transcript":["LORELAI'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR","[Night time - Chris and Lorelai get out of the Volvo]","LORELAI: [Car door closes] Let me bottom-line it for you. Snakes are gross. Snakes are scary and slithery, and do you know where snakes do not belong?","CHRISTOPHER: On a plane?","LORELAI: They do not belong on a plane.","CHRISTOPHER: It's not an ideal situation.","LORELAI: They do not belong anywhere except in cages stuck in safes buried deep, deep underground. I hate snakes!","CHRISTOPHER: So I'm gathering. With their gross, no-legged bodies, and their scaly, scaly skin, and their wiggling, and their hissing.","CHRISTOPHER: Okay Lor I respect your very valid feelings about snakes.","LORELAI: Thank you.","CHRISTOPHER: But I have to say we were fairly warned.","LORELAI: No! No! A movie should not just be its title. \"Driving Miss Daisy\" didn't all take place in the car, \"Dances With Wolves\" wasn't one long wolf dance. But this was nothing but snakes, snakes, relentless snakes, snakes on a plane. Snakes, snakes, snakes on a plane!","CHRISTOPHER: This was our fifth bad movie in a row. It's got to be some kind of a record.","LORELAI: We got to face facts - movies have gotten bad.","CHRISTOPHER: Unless it's our fault.","LORELAI: What? No, we didn't make the bad movies.","CHRISTOPHER: No, we made the movies bad. Think about it we are the common factor.","LORELAI: Ohh.","CHRISTOPHER: All the movies -- very different. Different genres -- different languages, even. We saw them in different theaters at different times. What do they all have in common?","LORELAI: They were all seen by us. Wow!","CHRISTOPHER: Huh?","LORELAI: We can never see \"Casablanca\" together. I mean I'm very sorry. I don't care how much I love it, but I will not be responsible for ruining \"Casablanca.\"","[Both chuckling]","CHRISTOPHER: So...","LORELAI: So... we should divvy up the candy.","CHRISTOPHER: Divvy...","LORELAI: The candy.","CHRISTOPHER: Yeah.","LORELAI: [Inhales, exhales sharply] Got half the milk duds. Sour patch kids -- hmm, a third. Twizzlers -- you got about 5 -- 4 3\/4 -- you pick.","CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, I'll take the Twizzlers.","LORELAI: No, I meant besides the Twizzlers.","CHRISTOPHER: I tell you what -- you can have it all.","LORELAI: Such a gentleman.","[They Kiss]","LORELAI: We should...","CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, I should, uh...","LORELAI: I should...","CHRISTOPHER: Okay.","LORELAI: Yeah.","CHRISTOPHER: Okay.","CHRISTOPHER: Good night, Lor.","LORELAI: Good night, Chris.","LORELAI'S HOUSE - INTERIOR","[Lorelai comes inside]","LORELAI: Hi.","RORY: Well, well, someone is cutting it pretty close to curfew. Did you guys have a good time?","LORELAI: Yeah, really good. Ooh, is it weird that he didn't come in?","RORY: Weird for me?","LORELAI: Yeah.","RORY: Oh, I saw the guy two days ago. I'm sick of him. [giggles] Is it weird for you?","LORELAI: No. No.","RORY: He could come in if you wanted him to. I could make myself scarce.","LORELAI: Oh, you wouldn't have to make yourself scarce.","RORY: Oh then I could be un-scarce. I could be here in all my plentiful gLory. That's more normal. God I forget what the protocol is when your mom is dating your dad.","LORELAI: Yeah, me too. We'll have to consult Emily Post again.","RORY: Yeah. But I really don't think it would be weird.","LORELAI: It wouldn't?","RORY: No. I mean, if it was, it wouldn't be weird in a bad way. If that's what you want.","LORELAI: Okay.","RORY: Is that what you want?","LORELAI: I don't know. No. Not now. Maybe...I want it. I don't know. Twizzler?","RORY: Okay.","LORELAI: Okay.","[They both sit on the couch, facing each other.]","LORELAI: [Sighs] It's good, though. You know? He and I, between us -- it's -- it's going good.","RORY: Well, good.","LORELAI: Yeah.","RORY: When I had lunch with him the other day, he said things were really go.","LORELAI: He did?","RORY: Mm-hmm.","LORELAI: What'd he say?","RORY: Um, nice things.","LORELAI: Oh, yeah?","RORY: Yep.","LORELAI: Like what?","RORY: Nice things.","LORELAI: Did he talk about my sparkling eyes and my glossy, raven hair?","RORY: Look I'm not gonna pass notes between you guys.","LORELAI: What if Emily Post says that's part of the appropriate protocol?","RORY: If you can get it in writing from the ghost of Emily Post, then I will pass as many notes as you want. But, mom...","LORELAI: Yeah?","RORY: I'm really glad things are good between you.","LORELAI: Me too.","RORY: I'm just...","LORELAI: Yeah?","RORY: I just want you to be careful.","LORELAI: Is this the safe-sex talk? Because even if the ghost of Emily Post says it's okay, it is just plain weird.","RORY: No. Mom, I want you to be careful with you, with him. I just don't want to see you get hurt again.","LORELAI: I am. I am being careful.","RORY: Okay. Good.","LORELAI: Oh, my gosh. Am I coming with you to college?","RORY: Excuse me?","LORELAI: You totally want me to come to Yale with you, don't you?","RORY: What? No.","LORELAI: Then why are you packing all of my clothes -- my pink t-shirt?!","RORY: Where'd that come from?","[Lorelai starts pulling cloths out of a bag]","LORELAI: Oh, my goodness. That is so nice of you to think of me in school -- my sweet skirt! I hope you brought a toothbrush 'cause, boy, oh, boy, are we gonna have fun! My cozy sweater...","OPENING CREDITS","LUKE'S DINER","LUKE: Okay, two eggs over-easy, hash browns cooked well, whole-wheat toast buttered, and with a side of marmalade.","KIRK: [Sighs loudly]","CUSTOMER: Thank you.","LUKE: You're welcome. [To Kirk] All right, what can I get you?","KIRK: [Sighs loudly]","LUKE: Kirk, you're scaring away the customers.","KIRK: [Sighs loudly]","LUKE: I am not gonna ask you what's wrong. Either eat or go.","KIRK: Women troubles, Luke. Haven't slept in days. See the bags under my eyes? See the glazed look? Women.","LUKE: See this glazed look? Don't care.","KIRK: Mom's been incredibly possessive lately, as has Lulu, and it's very tense. I noticed they were beginning to snipe at each other, but I figured it was a friendly competition I could work to my advantage, you know? When you've got two women making you cherry cobbler, you're likely to end up with some pretty good cobbler.","LUKE: Basic capitalism.","KIRK: That's not how they see it. Oh, no. Apparently, it's mom's cobbler or Lulu's cobbler. I've got to choose.","LUKE: Are you gonna order something?","KIRK: I'd love to order something. I'm starving. But what should I get? Lulu would want me to get something hip, like a bagel.","LUKE: Hip?","KIRK: But mom would say a growing boy needs something more substantial, like pancakes.","LUKE: Well, neither of them are here, so what do you want?","KIRK: I don't know! Bagel, pancakes, bagel, pancakes... it's like their voices are blocking out my voice, and I don't know what I think anymore. I'll have a bagel and pancakes, I guess.","LUKE: Yeah, what kind of bagel?","KIRK: Lulu would kill me if I got the onion, you know, 'cause of all the kissing...","LUKE: [Looking discussed]","KIRK: And mom would freak over the poppy seed 'cause she thinks poppies are a gateway drug.","LUKE: What about... [Asian Caesar hands Luke a plate] egg? Egg, it is.","[Anna comes into the diner]","ANNA: Hey.","LUKE: Hey. I didn't expect you till later.","ANNA: I know, but I wanted to go over April's schedule before I brought her by.","LUKE: Okay.","ANNA: Is this a good time?","LUKE: Sure, let's sit.","ANNA: Great. [Sighs] So, this is her schedule. I think I erred on the side of too many details.","LUKE: I like details.","ANNA: These are some of the phone numbers you might need -- pediatrician, dentist, orthodontist -- if her retainer breaks -- optometrist...","LUKE: If her glasses break.","ANNA: So, my mom has her back surgery on Monday, but, apparently, the recovery process is really slow, so I'm gonna be in New Mexico for at least two weeks.","LUKE: It's fine. April can stay with me as long as you need her to.","ANNA: Thanks. I really appreciate this.","[Luke smiles back]","LUKE: All right, so what's this packet?","ANNA: Registration forms, some waivers -- April will need to have this when she goes to school tomorrow. And she will tell you she needs to be there at 7:30, but she really doesn't need to be there until 8:00. Anyway, it's all in the notes.","LUKE: Don't worry.","ANNA: I'm not worried. [Chuckling] Okay, maybe a little. It'll be fine?","LUKE: It will be fine. I promise.","DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN","LORELAI: Wow! Today's secret ingredient is gourds!","SOOKIE: Aren't they beautiful?","LORELAI: I guess that depends on the beholder's eye.","SOOKIE: Jackson's whole squash crop went crazy this year. We had such a hot summer, and these babies love the sun. You've got to try this soup.","LORELAI: Wait, is that gourd soup?","SOOKIE: It's so good. It's sweet and rich. It's like pie, only it's soup. It's like pie soup!","LORELAI: Na, I don't eat orange food, except for candy corn.","SOOKIE: You eat Cheetos.","LORELAI: I don't eat food that's naturally orange.","SOOKIE: You eat oranges.","LORELAI: Okay I eat food that's naturally orange, but I don't eat gourds.","SOOKIE: Fine.","LORELAI: What else is going on at home?","SOOKIE: Ooh! [Gasps] Martha is so close to walking. She's right on the verge. Why don't you come over tomorrow night for dinner? Maybe you'll see the inaugural steps.","LORELAI: Um, I'd love to, but...","SOOKIE: But you want to wait to see if Christopher calls and asks you out first, and then if he doesn't, you'll come over.","LORELAI: Something like that, yes.","SOOKIE: You two have been seeing quite a bit of each other lately.","LORELAI: Yeah, we're just dating.","SOOKIE: Right, 'cause you can just date the father of your child.","LORELAI: Turns out you can. It's been a fun six weeks. We're taking things slowly and just getting to know each other again.","SOOKIE: Except for the fact that you've known each other for more than 30 years.","LORELAI: [Imitating Sookie] Okay, I get it. Please get off my back, and stop talking like this.","SOOKIE: Okay, it's just that you and Luke haven't been broken up all that long.","LORELAI: I know. I remember. I was there.","SOOKIE: Okay. It's -- you know, after breaking up out of a big relationship it's normal to have a rebound thing. You know, a big, bouncy, rubber ball of a rebound thing. It's...good.","LORELAI: But?","SOOKIE: But a rubber ball is a 28-year-old surfer or a jazz saxophonist who drives a V.W. Bus or a really cute guy that can't even spell his last name. It's not the father of your only child. Christopher is not your rubber ball.","LORELAI: Okay.","SOOKIE: He's a big, heavy bowling ball.","LORELAI: I'm gonna tell him you said that.","SOOKIE: I just want you to be careful.","LORELAI: Okay god, I feel like I should set up traffic cones around me for all the people worrying about my safety. I am being careful, okay? [Cell phone rings]","SOOKIE: That's all I want.","LORELAI: All right.","SOOKIE: Great.","LORELAI: Fine.","SOOKIE: Good.","LORELAI: Good.","SOOKIE: Better.","LORELAI: [Answering the phone] Hi, Chris.","CHRISTOPHER: Lore what's your life looking like tomorrow night? You available?","LORELAI: Well I don't know, is there some particular reason you're checking my availability?","SOOKIE: [Bangs pot lid] Sorry.","CHRISTOPHER: Well, I have an idea for a really fun date, and if, in fact, you are available, I will put thought into action.","LORELAI: I thought our last date was pretty fun.","CHRISTOPHER: Well, this will be even more fun.","LORELAI: \"Snakes on a boat\"?!","CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] I'll pick you up at 6:00.","LORELAI: Okay, I'll be there at 6:00 to be picked up.","SOOKIE: [Bangs knife] Sorry. These gourd rinds are really thick.","LORELAI: [to Chris] What is the, uh, fun date?","CHRISTOPHER: No hints.","LORELAI: I hate not knowing things.","CHRISTOPHER: I know. I'll see you tomorrow.","LORELAI: Okay. Bye.","SOOKIE: [Singsong voice] Sounds like somebody's got a date.","LORELAI: [Imitating Sookie] Sookie.","SOOKIE: [Normal voice] Sorry. [Deep voice] Sounds like somebody's got a date.","LORELAI: Nice.","LOGAN'S APARTMENT","[Rory is unpacking, and gets the Rocket out and places it on a table, Looks at a clock, gets out her phone and calls Logan.]","LOGAN: [answering service] Hey, this is Logan Huntzberger. Leave a message.","RORY: Hey, it's me. I just got back to Yale. I thought I would try you and see if you're there, but you're not. [Chuckles] I thought you would be, but you're not. Fascinating, my thought process, isn't it? Okay, I'll talk to you later. Bye.","[Hangs up then the cell phone rings]","RORY: Hey!","RICHARD: Well, hello, Rory. You sound chipper.","RORY: Oh, hi, grandpa.","RICHARD: You're back at Yale?","RORY: Yep. Back at Yale.","EMILY: [In the back ground] Tell her the good news, Richard!","RICHARD: I'm coming to that.","EMILY: [Yelling] It's very exciting!","RORY: What's exciting?","RICHARD: Well, when I was at my Yale class reunion, I had a chance to meet one of my former classmates, Harold Laken. You know him as the dean of undergraduate education. Harold was also a fellow Whiffenpoof.","EMILY: The news, Richard!","RICHARD: Yes, right well I-it seems there was a sudden vacancy in the economics department, and they need someone to teach a course this semester, and Harold immediately thought of me.","EMILY: Can you believe it? Your grandfather, a professor!","RICHARD: I'm just a visiting lecturer.","EMILY: [Looking at a jacket] Too starchy. Too starchy?","RICHARD: No, I like -- I like --","EMILY: Too starchy.","RICHARD: What I want to know is whether you'd be okay with this. I'm gonna be on the campus at the same time you are, and there's a chance we might run into one another.","RORY: I promise, you will not cramp my style.","RICHARD: Well, that's wonderful, because I have to admit, I'm really quite excited about it.","RORY: That's great, grandpa. Congratulations. Well, why don't we meet up after your first class and grab dinner and celebrate?","RICHARD: Oh, I would love that, but I've already scheduled dinner with Harold.","EMILY: But, Richard, we have dinner with the Sudburys on Thursday. Remember? We're going to the hill house.","RICHARD: Well, I'm sorry, Emily, but I have dinner with the dean, and you can't expect me to include the Sudburys in that. They are insufferable bores.","EMILY: No, of course not. I'll just have to have dinner with the sudburys alone. Oh, the life of a faculty widow!","RICHARD: Did you hear that, Rory? She's already turned on me.","RORY: I heard it, grandpa.","LUKE'S DINER","LUKE: [Reading] Razor blades? They've expressly forbidden razor blades?","KIRK: That's sound policy.","LUKE: Are kids at this school showing up with razor blades? I mean listen to this list of stuff they've had to ban. Drug use, bullying, graffiti, theft, spitting, fighting - including but not limited to punching, kicking, gouging, and biting. Seems to me like they're just giving the kids ideas. \"Gee, I can't think of any other bad things to do today. Let me look at the manual. Hey, gouging sounds fun!\"","MISS PATTY: No one at that school is gouging anyone.","LUKE: Well, sure. Why bother with that when they've got access to guns, Tasers, knives, and Nunchakus?","KIRK: Nunchakus are cool -- and deadly.","CAESAR: That's ridiculous. Nobody's bringing Nunchakus to April's school.","MISS PATTY: Of course not.","CAESAR: They're way too bulky to fit in your sock. Now, mace, on the other hand...","LUKE: Mace! kids are walking around with mace?","MISS PATTY: Oh, honey, calm down. Nothing's gonna happen to April. They just spell out that stuff for their legal protection. Whenever you're taking care of kids, that's a lotta liability. It's the same with my dance school.","LUKE: And nothing bad ever happens?","MISS PATTY: Nothing ever happens. Oh, except for that one time.","LUKE: What one time?","MISS PATTY: Well, I took my senior ballerinas to try out for a performance of \"The Nutcracker,\" and one of the girls pulled a Tonya Harding and knocked the front-runner for Clara out of the competition. Broke her leg in three places.","LUKE: That is not nothing. That is the opposite of nothing.","MISS PATTY: It's totally different. That was a much rougher crowd.","LUKE: Rougher crowd? They're ballerinas.","MISS PATTY: Oh, yeah. I know. Everyone thinks, \"ballerinas -- so sweet, so fragile.\" Trust me, they're dancing on stress fractures and ingrown toenails, and they haven't eaten in weeks.","[The door bell rings]","APRIL: Hey.","ANNA: Sorry we're late. We were half way here and April remembered the avocado pit was still in the kitchen, so we had to go back.","APRIL: We had to make to make a pit stop.","LUKE: [Laughs]","MISS PATTY: Hey, honey.","APRIL: Hi!","LUKE: You remember Miss Patty.","APRIL: Sure!","LUKE: And Kirk.","KIRK: Yo.","LUKE: And Caesar.","CAESAR: Hey April.","ANNA: Look I hate to have to rush, but I actually have to rush.","LUKE: That's fine. You go.","[Anna and April hug]","APRIL: Bye, mom.","ANNA: Ooh, I love you, sweetie.","APRIL: Say hi to grandma.","ANNA: I will. I'll call you when I get there. [Too Luke] Take care of her.","LUKE: I will.","ANNA: Okay, then. Bye.","APRIL: So, is there somewhere I can put the pit down?","LUKE: Oh, you know what? Go on upstairs, and I'll bring the bags.","MISS PATTY: Look at that turnout. And the hips of Anna Pavlova. [In Russian accent] You must bring her to my ballet class.","LUKE: Where ballerinas are maiming each other to be in \"The Nutcracker\"? Fat chance of that.","LUKE'S APARTMENT","[Luke and April enter the apartment]","LUKE: Okay, here we are. You remember the place. All right. Here's your bed, and a here's the desk. I thought you could do your homework on it. A little chair for reading. I know how you like reading. And this is your dresser. Now, if you have a hanging bag for, like, dresses, you can just hang it in my closet, but I don't seem to remember you wearing a lot of dresses.","APRIL: Not big on dresses.","LUKE: All right, what else? Here's your kitchen, my bed, bathroom's back there, and the TV. I had a remote but I lost it, so you're gonna have to change the channel by hand by turning this knob here. And here's the telephone. If you're on it and you hear a beeping sound, that's call-waiting, so you've got to hit the flash button to switch over to the other call.","APRIL: Maybe I should write all this down.","LUKE: Oh, sure! Sure!","APRIL: I was just kidding. I know how call-waiting works.","LUKE: [Chuckling] Of course you do. You probably also know how to open up a refrigerator and turn on a sink. Okay, well, uh, I'll get out of your way, and you let me know if you need anything.","APRIL: Actually, my avocado pit needs light, and it's kind of dark in here.","LUKE: Well, there will be a little more light in the morning.","APRIL: Will there be less brown in the morning?","LUKE: You know, this place is kind of depressing, isn't it?","APRIL: [Laughs] I'd say. Sorry if that hurt your feelings. Mom says bluntness isn't my most attractive quality.","LUKE: Well, maybe we can pick up a few things. I don't know, some pillows, a rug. You know, lamps -- lamps brighten.","APRIL: Hey, we could go to \"Targ\u00e9t.\"","LUKE: Oh, sounds kind of fancy.","APRIL: No. No, that's just how we say \"Target.\"","LUKE: Oh, never been.","APRIL: [Laughs] Wow. Um... I don't think I've ever met a person who hasn't been to target.","LUKE: Well, now you have, so if you say that's the place to go, so that's where we'll go.","APRIL: It's the place to go.","LUKE: Okay, so how about tomorrow, after I close up?","APRIL: Cool.","LUKE: Cool! Alright I'll let you get settled in.","APRIL: Okay.","LUKE: All right.","[April puts the avocado pit experiment near a window, as Luke leaves, looking very proud.]","YALE NEWS ROOM","RORY: Everyone, congratulations. The first issue of the year is officially locked down. [Light cheering] And special kudos to bill for landing the front page with his campus housing expos\u00e9, \"dormitory or death trap?\"","SHEILA: Nice alliteration.","BILL: Slugline's half the battle.","PARIS: Dormitory renovations -- that's quaint. I recently had the opportunity to be a fly on the wall at the Hartford Courant as the editor selected their lead story. It was down to the wire, and I was on the edge of my seat when right at the last second, a local-corruption story broke. It was thrilling. It made this place look like a joke.","RORY: Your point, Paris?","PARIS: Oh, I thought I was clear. Compared to the courant, this place is a joke.","RORY: Okay. Assignments. Bill, you'll go with part two of the campus-housing series.","BILL: Got it.","RORY: We need someone to cover the board of trustees meeting.","JONI: I'm on that.","RORY: Thanks, Joni. And I want to do the traditional freshman class composition article, but I think we need to go deeper than just ethnicities and hometowns. I mean, what is the class of 2010 really about? Maybe take a different look.","PARIS: At the courant, they use Indesign to integrate the words into the photos.","Gee, do you happen to have an \"in\" at the courant?","JONI: Like, maybe your boyfriend, Doyle? What is he, a fact-checker?","PARIS: The most requested fact-checker at the paper. He works seven days a week just to keep up with the demand for his fact-checking.","SHEILA: Maybe he's looking to get away from a certain lunatic.","PARIS: Jealous much, Sheila?","SHEILA: Yeah. You got me.","A.K.: So, the art-show piece. I've got a problem.","RORY: Animal, vegetable, or mineral?","A.K.: I kind of had a thing with one of the artists in the show.","RORY: Okay. Animal.","A.K.: I just can't do it.","RORY: That's fine. I can do it. That's it. Class dismissed. So, you want to go to this art-show thing with me tonight?","PARIS: Sorry can't, Doyle's celebrating his one-month anniversary with the paper. Having drinks with the staff bigwigs over at Duffy's.","RORY: Cool.","PARIS: Yeah. He's pretty loved. Actually, we both are. We're like the Ephron and Bernstein of the group. I think it's going to be quite a fete. Doyle says the editor of the metro section might even show.","RORY: That's cool. Well, I can just go by myself.","PARIS: You know if you're desperate, you could force one of these staffers to go. I used to do that all the time when I was editor. I dragged Bill everywhere. That is, until the time I picked him up to go to the groundbreaking for the new chemistry research building, and he was wearing a cable-knit sweater that had \"date\" written all over it. As if.","RORY: I'm not desperate.","PARIS: Look don't give me those Rory Gilmore puppy-dog eyes. Even if I am your best friend, I have to look out for my career first, then Doyle's, then you.","RORY: Go to your party, Paris. Be the couple whose divorce was so painful that it was memorialized in both literature and film. I'll be fine.","PARIS: Oh, yeah. Now it's just sad.","LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM","[Lorelai comes down the stairs as the doorbell rings]","LORELAI: Huh! Um... kind of, uh, casual, seemingly routine dating clothes.","CHRISTOPHER: Was that intended as a compliment? 'Cause it didn't come out like one.","[They kiss]","LORELAI: No, you look good. But how hard is it to look good when you know where you're going? Not that hard.","CHRISTOPHER: I could get some points.","LORELAI: I, on the other hand, had to come up with an outfit that could easily convert from totally formal to totally casual with just a few moves. Look, here I am, all ready for an elegant, New York night on the town, carriage ride through the park, dinner at Pastis, drinks at the Aalgonquin, but if I change my shoes and throw on a cardigan and add necklace number two, then I am ready for a concert at the new haven green, or I could use my cardigan to cover up the security camera in case the date turns into some sort of heist.","CHRISTOPHER: I'd prefer the sexy shoes to the sandals, but you should be comfortable.","LORELAI: Comfortable? \"Comfortable\" like we're gonna eat Moroccan and sit on the floor, or \"comfortable\" like we're gonna go up steps? [starts jumping] Steps? Steps? Steps? Are we going to the met?","[they kiss again]","CHRISTOPHER: No hints.","[leaving the house they go outside]","LORELAI: So, tell me now. Now! Tell me! [Gasps, as she see a classic old red Mustang convertible] Oh, hello, \"bullet.\" Are you taking me on a car chase through the streets of San Francisco?","CHRISTOPHER: It's cool, right?","LORELAI: It's really cool.","CHRISTOPHER: You like it?","LORELAI: I love it. So is this the thing?","CHRISTOPHER: It's a thing.","LORELAI: But is this the special thing you planned? 'Cause if it is, I want to give it its due. If it's not, I want to have the proper level of enjoyment while still reserving myself for the actual special thing.","CHRISTOPHER: The car is part of the thing. It's not the whole thing.","LORELAI: Alright I don't want to peek too soon.","CHRISTOPHER: Yeah that's never good.","LORELAI: Ooh, You're being a gentleman. Is that the special thing?","CHRISTOPHER: I always open your door.","LORELAI: Bucket seats -- is that the special thing? No? Take a good, long look at my hair now 'cause it's not gonna look like this for the rest of the night. [Chris gets in and starts the car.] Rumbly engine -- is that the special thing?","CHRISTOPHER: Buckle your seatbelt.","LORELAI: Buckling my seatbelt -- is that the special thing?","CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, that's it. You're all buckled up. Date's over.","LORELAI: Oh.","LUKE'S APARTMENT","LUKE: Look at this -- 12-pack of socks for $6. 24 socks for 6 bucks. That's only 25 cents a sock.","APRIL: I knew you'd like it.","LUKE: Oh, this looks good.","APRIL: You picked it out.","LUKE: Well, you said tablecloth.","APRIL: That's true.","LUKE: What's the name of that blue again?","APRIL: Uh, cerulean. I'm really into cerulean.","LUKE: Yeah, I can see why.","APRIL: I used to be really into olive. Everything was olive, you know? It was my backpack, my pants, my sneakers. It was all olive. And then one day, I just -- I woke up, and I was like, \"olive? I don't like olive. Not to wear, not to eat. Olive -- bleh.\"","LUKE: [Laughs] Well, you know what? I'm really glad we did it. We had fun, and the place looks great.","APRIL: And, you know, now, anytime you want, you can have a nice dinner on this table.","LUKE: That's true.","APRIL: You could put flowers in this vase and use it like a centerpiece.","LUKE: Uh-huh.","APRIL: You could dim the lights, light these candles.","LUKE: We can do it tonight if you want.","APRIL: Yeah. Or, you know, you could do it when you have a lady over.","LUKE: Oh?","APRIL: It'd be really nice. And she would be totally comfortable in here now.","LUKE: Right. Uh, you know what? Why don't we, uh, set up the desk lamp so you can get at your homework?","APRIL: Actually, they don't give homework on the first day of school. One teacher said he was gonna give us homework. He even wrote it on the board, but the homework was just, \"cover your books.\" How lame is that?","LUKE: Very lame.","APRIL: I know.","LUKE: So I'll set it up so you can get to it tomorrow.","APRIL: Cool. Um, I'm gonna start covering my books. Can I grab some grocery bags?","LUKE: Yeah, go for it. It's under the sink.","[SCENE_BREAK]","UNKNOWN ROAD - NIGHT","[Chris and Lorelai and driving]","LORELAI: You know, you can admit it if you're lost. I will not lose any respect for you.","CHRISTOPHER: I'm not lost. Well, then, are you planning to murder me? Because people will notice I'm gone. They'll look for me. Paul Anka saw me leave with you. He'll bark. He will bark, and he'll sell you down the river. [Barking] Chris! Chris!","[They pull up at an old barn and Chris honks to horn]","LORELAI: Good, finally asking for directions.","CHRISTOPHER: We're here.","LORELAI: Here, where? Are we at Woodstock? I think we're late.","CHRISTOPHER: Shh! Just give it a minute.","LORELAI: [Gasps] Oh, are we meditating? I think you need a word to repeat. I don't have a word.","CHRISTOPHER: Stop talking.","LORELAI: That's two words.","CHRISTOPHER: Shh.","LORELAI: Oh. \"Shh.\" I like it. Shh... [a projector starts up] Ooh! What the -- [Thematic music plays, Lorelai is surprised. \"Funny Face\" starts playing] I love this movie.","CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckling] Check the glove compartment.","LORELAI: Oh, my god.","CHRISTOPHER: Hold this.","[you can here the movie playing \"...Your funny face\"]","CHRISTOPHER: And... popcorn.","LORELAI: Oh, my god. You're unbelievable!","CHRISTOPHER: I thought it was time we saw a movie we wouldn't complain about.","[Military march plays]","LORELAI: I...","[Military march continues]","MOVIE: [woman speaking] Good morning, Mr. Ascot.","YALE - RICHARD'S OFFICE","RICHARD: [on the phone] mm-hmm. But I have to tell you, Emily, it's a whole new world from the one we remember.","EMILY: But the jacket was still appropriate?","RICHARD: Oh, the jacket was fine. Although I must say, I felt wildly overdressed. Boys in undershirts and filthy baseball caps -- the girls wearing pajamas and flip-flops.","EMILY: Well, it's the style, Richard.","RICHARD: Well, it's most peculiar.","EMILY: And you were firm with them? That's one thing that never changes. Young people respond to discipline. After all, you don't want your course to be known as a \"gut.\" That's an easy class. I learned that term at dinner with the Sudburys, who learned it from their grandson, Paul.","RICHARD: And how are the Sudburys? I hope you gave them my regards.","EMILY: Of course. And they sent you theirs and then proceeded to bore me with the details of every stunning vista they witnessed on their recent cruise to Alaska. If you ask me, they saw more of the baked Alaska than anything else.","RICHARD: [Chuckles] You poor thing. You have a disappointing evening, and I have to give you the bum's rush to make my dinner with Harold at the faculty club.","EMILY: That's all right. You enjoy yourself. I probably won't wait up, so I'll say good night now.","RICHARD: Good night, dear.","[Police Siren chirps]","EMILY: Oh, for Pete's sake! What now?","[Emily pulls over]","POLICE OFFICER: License and registration, please?","EMILY: Why do you need to see my license? I wasn't speeding.","POLICE OFFICER: You were on a cell phone, ma'am.","EMILY: I don't see how that's your concern. Do my bills go to your office?","POLICE OFFICER: It is illegal in Connecticut to talk on a cell phone while operating a vehicle.","EMILY: Well, that is absurd. I can't talk on my own phone in my own car?","POLICE OFFICER: License and registration, ma'am.","EMILY: If I can manage to drink a cup of hot coffee and drive, I can talk on a cell phone. Or is coffee illegal, too? Can I listen to the radio? Can I open the glove compartment? Perhaps you should outlaw scratching your nose. That would certainly cut down on accidents.","POLICE OFFICER: Ma'am, have you been drinking?","EMILY: What? No! This is outrageous. You know, right now, someone is robbing a Kwiki mart, and you're standing there harassing me.","POLICE OFFICER: I'm going to need you to blow into this breathalyzer for me.","EMILY: Young man, I don't know where that's been, but I can say with absolute certainty it won't be going anywhere near my mouth.","ART SHOW","[Rory is waling through looking at the art displays and making notes]","RORY: Excuse me. Do you know what the light bulbs are all about?","[the lights come on and go out after a few seconds]","ELIJAH: Shock in your system.","RORY: Effective.","[Rory moves on and comes to a water cooler]","LUCY: What are you doing?","RORY: Um, me?","LUCY: She's touching your art.","OLIVIA: What are you doing? Are you actually drinking that water?","RORY: Oh, um, I didn't know it was art, I thought it was just a water cooler. There's no sign or anything.","OLIVIA: \"Just a water cooler.\"","LUCY: That's her self-portrait. [Rory looks worried] I'm kidding! It's just a water cooler. [both girls start giggling]","RORY: Oh. Okay.","LUCY: We were messing with you. She is an artist, though.","OLIVIA: I made the horse.","RORY: Oh, I really like that one.","OLIVIA: Well, thanks.","RORY: It looks really big. It looks bigger than the doorway.","OLIVIA: Yeah well, it turns out it is, as I found out like four hours before the show was gonna start. I had to detach the head, then reattach it when I got here. Does it look crooked?","RORY: Um, not to me.","OLIVIA: No, it does.","LUCY: Oh if it does look crooked, which it doesn't, I think it looks better than it did before -- more jaunty.","RORY: What's it made out of?","OLIVIA: Cans mostly. Tinfoil. A couple hubcaps. I do stuff with found objects. I mean if you could call it trash, but that'd be kind of negative.","LUCY: She once made this sculpture of an old lady out of plastic sandwich bags and milk cartons, which was so cool. She's awesome.","OLIVIA: Oh, shut up!","RORY: So you're Olivia Marquont?","OLIVIA: Impressive.","LUCY: What are you, a spy?","RORY: Actually, I'm here for the paper. I'm Rory.","OLIVIA: Oh, the press. So what do you think?","RORY: Honestly, I don't know. I like your piece, and I think I like the robot in the underpants.","OLIVIA: The robot is genius.","LUCY: Olivia thinks everything is genius.","OLIVIA: Only genius stuff.","LUCY: Okay so, you're on the paper? Oh, my god, we used to be totally obsessed with this girl who was on the paper -- Paris Geller.","RORY: Sure.","LUCY: You know Paris?","RORY: I know Paris.","LUCY: Okay, freshman year, we were in this moral-reasoning class with Paris, and she was the most intense person we'd ever met.","RORY: Um, she's pretty much like that all the time. I actually went to high school with Paris.","OLIVIA: Paris Geller is a genius, and I will go to the mat on that one.","LUCY: Okay you've got to let us show you around the rest of the show.","RORY: That's cool.","LUCY: Come on we'll help you with your article, give you the skinny on everyone.","OLIVIA: Did you see the light bulb thing?","RORY: Um, my retinas are still ringing.","LUCY: Our friend Joel did that. He just transferred from M.I.T. Dude's wicked smart. His work is always about technology.","OLIVIA: I think Joel's a genius, but I'll admit, I could be biased by the fact that he's a total fox.","RORY: Is that the guy in the '70s prom tuxedo?","LUCY: No, that's Elijah. He's doing a performance piece. He's been doing it since we were juniors. Who knows if it'll ever end? Okay, you've got to see our friend kasha's piece. It's called \"girl without clothes,\" and it's far out.","BARN MOVIE","[Movie is playing and there is music]","MOVIE: \"You can't blame me for feeling avarice oh, S'Wonderful S'Marvelous that you should care for me [Music swells and ends]","LORELAI: Ooh, it's so good! It's so chock-full of...words like \"chock-full.\" And even if Audrey Hepburn was 20 and Fred Astaire was, like, 80...","CHRISTOPHER: He's still Fred Astaire.","LORELAI: I mean, he could really tap-dance. That was so nice, Chris. That was so romantic and fun and wonderful.","CHRISTOPHER: S'wonderful?","LORELAI: S'Marvelous.","CHRISTOPHER: I'm glad you liked it.","LORELAI: I did. I really liked it.","CHRISTOPHER: You know, the evening doesn't have to end here. Gigi's staying with my mom. We could go back to my place.","LORELAI: Oh. That's nice.","CHRISTOPHER: N-nice?","LORELAI: No, that's not what I meant. Um...","CHRISTOPHER: We don't have to.","LORELAI: No, I want to.","CHRISTOPHER: You do?","LORELAI: I do, but I don't know if...","CHRISTOPHER: ...you want to.","LORELAI: ...If I should.","CHRISTOPHER: Ok.","LORELAI: I mean, everything's good, you know? It's going really good.","CHRISTOPHER: It's really good.","LORELAI: Yeah, and I'm feeling good.","CHRISTOPHER: But?","LORELAI: I don't, uh... know if I trust you.","CHRISTOPHER: Really?","LORELAI: Not just you. Me too. I'm not sure if I trust us yet with this.","CHRISTOPHER: Oh.","LORELAI: It's scary.","CHRISTOPHER: I'm scared, too.","LORELAI: I just hoped maybe... we could stay here in this place for a little while longer.","CHRISTOPHER: Well, it's gonna snow eventually.","LORELAI: Right.","CHRISTOPHER: It's fine. We should wait. I can wait.","LORELAI: Are you sure?","CHRISTOPHER: Yeah.","LORELAI: Thank you. All this is perfect.","CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] Okay. [Sighs]","LORELAI: [Lorelai's cell phone rings] Hello? This is she.","CHRISTOPHER: What?","LORELAI: Oh. Yes!","CHRISTOPHER: What is it? Who are you talking to?","LORELAI: Is she okay? What did she... okay. Where are you? Uh-huh. I know where that is. Oh... I'll be right there. Thank you. Okay, bye-bye.","CHRISTOPHER: What?","LORELAI: We have to go. We have to pick up my mother... from jail.","CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] Your mother's in jail?","LORELAI: Ooh, this night keeps getting better and better. Let's go.","LUKE'S APARTMENT","LUKE: [Sighs] You brush your teeth?","APRIL: They're brushed.","LUKE: So, there's a clear path to the bathroom. Can I get you a night-light?","APRIL: [Chuckling] I'm 13.","LUKE: I'll take that as a \"no.\" I thought you didn't have any homework.","APRIL: I don't. This is more for pleasure.","LUKE: Sure. Sure, a little light reading before bed.","APRIL: I love my biology teacher. She is so smart, and she's really pretty. She has this long, brown hair that she kind of just whooshes up into a clip. She has all these piercings, but it's just on one ear, and she likes to fish.","LUKE: No kidding? A pretty fisher\/scientist woman.","APRIL: And I know she's single because last year her name was Mrs. Johnson, and this year it's Ms. Kaplan, so I was thinking, one day, I could conveniently forget my biology book, and you could bring it by for me, and then maybe you could...","LUKE: Have dinner at the candlestick table with Ms. Kaplan?","APRIL: Exactly.","LUKE: [Sits on the end of April's bed and sighs] Look, April... [Sighs] I guess you know Lorelai and I broke up.","APRIL: Yeah, my mom sort of told me.","LUKE: Okay, well, sometimes that happens, you know? Sometimes it doesn't work out between people, and it's nobody's fault.","APRIL: It's all about pheromones.","LUKE: Right. [Chuckles] But I want you to know I'm okay, and you don't have to take care of me. I'm here to take care of you. Okay?","APRIL: Okay.","LUKE: Good night.","APRIL: Good night. Is it okay if I read a little more before I turn out the light?","LUKE: Real page-turner, huh?","APRIL: Oh, yeah. Mitosis is insane.","LUKE: Knock yourself out.","POLICE STATION","[Lorelai is really happy and taking photos on here cell phone of the officers]","LORELAI: Oh...got it! Thank you! Am I smiling too much?","CHRISTOPHER: You're smiling a lot.","LORELAI: All right, I'll try to bring it down a notch.","EMILY: Well, it's about time. Oh, good. I get to walk this filthy floor again. I don't need any help walking. Thank you! [an officer hands Emily her stuff, and puts on her shoes] Oh, thank you for giving me things that already belong to me. Well, you can all be very proud of yourselves. You're doing a crack job. You finally got menace-to-society Emily Gilmore off the streets. You'll be hearing from my lawyer. Come on. [pointing to Lorelai's phone] Put that thing away.","LORELAI: [takes a final photo] One, two, three! Ah! [Laughs] Smile! Cheese! Oh, I got you already. I'll get [Chris drags her away] okay, later. Bye!","DRIVING IN THE MUSTANG","[The top is still down, Chris and Lorelai are smiling and Emily is in the back not looking happy.]","LORELAI: Do you mind if I turn on the music, mom?","EMILY: That's fine.","LORELAI: Whatcha in the mood for? \"Jailhouse rock\"? \"Folsom prison blues\"?","EMILY: [sarcastically] You're very funny, Lorelai.","LORELAI: No, no, no. I know, I know. \"Working on the chain gang.\"","EMILY: Yes, it's all quite amusing, isn't it? My being arrested, held behind bars, manhandled, and patted down? Hardee-har.","LORELAI: Aw. I just have one question for you, mom. Why on earth did you call me? I mean, thank you very much from the bottom of my heart for that incredible gift. You don't need to get me anything for the next five Christmases. But why did you call me, not dad?","EMILY: It was his first night teaching at Yale. He was having dinner with the dean. I'm not about to call him so he can excuse himself to come bail his wife out of jail. I can't begin to tell you how incompetent our police department is. That officer Peters who pulled me over -- he's going to be receiving a big, fat subpoena, and I'm not stopping there. [just noticing the car she is in] Wait. What is this? What's this car? What's going on here? Are you two on a date?","LORELAI: No way. You are not changing the subject. We're not talking about anything else except you in the clink. Now, come on. Spill. What was it like on the inside, huh? Did you try to tunnel your way out with a spoon? You know. Did they try to make you join a gang? And, mom, now that you're on the outside and they're still on the inside, are they gonna try to use you as some kind of prison mule? I just... so much I need to know! [Sighs]","HALLWAY TO LOGAN'S APARTMENT","LUCY: So, after my third callback, he says to me, \"a girl can't play Oscar Wilde. I want people to take this production seriously,\" like he's Peter Brook","OLIVIA: or something and not some goateed sophomore from Arkansas.","LUCY: So I give him my most foppish stare and say, \"life is too important to be taken seriously.\"","RORY: Nice.","LUCY: But on the way out, as I'm making my dramatic exit, I walk right into the glass door.","RORY: No. Ouch!","[they go into the apartment]","LUCY: So the next semester, he keeps hounding me about how I'd be perfect for his production of \"California suite\" because I have such a gift for physical comedy.","RORY: [Chuckles]","LUCY: [looking around] Holy crap! Your boyfriend is rich.","OLIVIA: And he's got some wild stuff. I mean, what's this about? [looking at the knight suit]","LUCY: Well, I must eat. I'm positively famished.","OLIVIA: Nice sound system [starts a CD]","LUCY: Do you have popcorn?","RORY: Um, yeah, there should be some in there.","LUCY: You have a hell of a lot of rice in here, Rory. White rice, brown rice, long-stem rice. You are simply crazy for rice.","RORY: Who doesn't like rice?","LUCY: Look who found an air popper!","OLIVIA: Genius.","LUCY: Now we just need some popcorn. Or something else that could be cooked in here. Rice. Who's up for a late-night snack of air-popped rice?","RORY: [Cell phone rings] Oh, wow, that must be my Logan call. I didn't realize it was so late already.","LUCY: Time flies when you're partying with artist.","RORY: Hey!","[Logan in his office]","LOGAN: Hey.","RORY: Hi.","LOGAN: What's going on? You having a party, Ace? Oh, no, I'm just hanging out with a few friends.","LOGAN: Just friends, huh?","RORY: Yeah.","LOGAN: Anybody I know or..?","RORY: No. Just some girls I met.","OLIVIA: Hi, Logan!","LUCY: Hi, Logan!","LOGAN: Just girls, huh? Your new boyfriend's not over.","RORY: Nope. Just us girls hanging out in our underwear, throwing pillows at each other - you know girl stuff.","LOGAN: Sounds very wholesome and loud.","RORY: Yeah, we're...","LUCY: Hey, Rory!","RORY: [to Logan] Um, hold on just a sec. [to Lucy] Yeah?","LUCY: This says it's popcorn, but it looks so fancy. Can I open it, or are you saving it for a special occasion or something?","RORY: Go ahead. [back to Logan] Hey, uh, sorry. Is it okay if I call you back later?","LOGAN: Sure, no problem. Have fun.","RORY: I will. Love you. Bye.","LUCY: Is that too much popcorn?","RORY: Uh, yeah.","LUCY: I'm really hungry. [continues filling the air popper and spilling it on the counter.]","OLIVIA: Okay. Someone's got some explaining to do. [holding up something that looks like you use to walk on snow.]","LORELAI'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR","LORELAI: I mean they escorted her out in her stocking feet.","CHRISTOPHER: Her shoes in a bag.","LORELAI: Somewhere in my youth or childhood...","CHRISTOPHER: ...you must have done something good.","LORELAI: The universe owed me this one.","CHRISTOPHER: I'm glad you had fun.","LORELAI: I did. Didn't you have fun?","CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, I did. It was great.","LORELAI: It was one of the \"great\" greats. What?","CHRISTOPHER: Nothing. I feel I may have gotten overshadowed a bit. I mean how's my little barn movie supposed to compare with your mom in jail?","LORELAI: Chris, no! It was just the cherry on top, the mint on the pillow of what was already a perfect night. No, I loved our date. It was amazing. I loved the movie. I'll never forget the movie I saw the night I picked my mother up from jail.","CHRISTOPHER: You're never gonna get tired of saying that, are you?","LORELAI: \"Picked up my mom from jail\"? No, I don't think I ever will. I'm just so glad you were with me tonight. I mean, anybody else who would have seen me laughing as I bailed my mother out of jail would have just thought I was completely deranged.","CHRISTOPHER: Well, I know you're deranged but for completely different reasons.","LORELAI: I mean, you just get it, and you make everything fun, and it's so nice to be with someone who understands you and makes you...","[they kiss]","CHRISTOPHER: I'll call you tomorrow.","LORELAI: Gigi's with her grandmother?","CHRISTOPHER: She is.","LORELAI: You want to come in?","CHRISTOPHER: Yeah?","LORELAI: Yeah.","[they kiss as music from the movie plays again, \"S'Wonderful S'Marvelous, That you should care for me\"]"],"Show Title":"Gilmore Girls","Episode Number":"07x04","Episode Title":"'S Wonderful, 'S Marvelous","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Gilmore_Girls_07x19.json","Recap":["Lorelai heads to Luke's for her first breakfast there in a while -- overall, it's an awkward experience for them both. Later on, when Lorelai's Jeep breaks down, Luke helps her shop for a new car. They argue and fight, which Lorelai thinks is ultimately a good sign. Paris considers breaking up with Doyle so she can be free of influences when it comes to picking which law or medical school she will attend. Rory receives a letter that will certainly influence her future plans."],"Transcript":["LUKE'S DINER","[Lorelai waits for a minuter outside before entering, Babette and Miss Patty are surprised to see Lorelai.]","LORELAI: Hey [Chuckles to Kirk as she sits at the counter]","KIRK: Well, well, well I always suspected this day would come.","LORELAI: Hi Kirk.","KIRK: You're not getting this seat back.","LORELAI: Huh?","KIRK: You can't, it's mine now and frankly I can see why you hogged it for so long.","LORELAI: What?","KIRK: It's clearly the best stool in the joint. Close to the cash register and the kitchen, which guarantees plenty of face time with the boss. Climate wise it's positioned between two air-conditioning vents which creates a nice cross ventilation...","LORELAI: Hey Kirk...","KIRK: ...never.","LORELAI: You can have the seat. Hey [To Luke]","LUKE: Hey. [Short pause] Coffee?","LORELAI: Yes please.","LUKE: All right, ah to stay or to go?","LORELAI: Um... To stay.","LUKE: Good, okay.","MISS PATTY: Lorelai.","BABETTE: Hi ya doll.","LORELAI: Hey.","MISS PATTY: It's so nice seeing you back in here.","LORELAI: Thanks.","BABETTE: Been a long time.","LORELAI: Yah.","BABETTE: What 9, 10 months.","LORELAI: Something like that.","KIRK: Actually I can tell you exactly when Lorelai was in her last 'cause I marked it in my calendar. [Looks it up] \"May 22, 2006, stool available?\" it's important to...","LUKE: Enough Kirk, here you go.","LORELAI: Thank you. [Exhales] So how's it going?","LORELAI: Oh really well. They inn is really busy.","LUKE: Yeah I'll bet.","LORELAI: And so how are you doing.","LUKE: Me? Good, really good.","[Still awkward between them]","LORELAI: Good.","LUKE: Yeah.","LORELAI: Um, it sure is warm outside.","LUKE: Yeah you know when I opened the diner this morning I remember thinking how warm it was.","LORELAI: Really!","LUKE: Yeah.","LORELAI: You know what maybe I should take this to go. To get back to work and.","LUKE: Yeah okay let me just get you a cup.","LORELAI: It's been really busy at the Inn.","LUKE: Yeah. Yeah you said. There you go.","[Lorelai pours the coffee into the to go cup and Luke puts a lid on it.]","LUKE: Lid on there.","LORELAI: Oh great.","[Lorelai gets money to pay]","LUKE: Nah, I got it.","LORELAI: Thanks.","LUKE: Okay so I'll see you around.","LORELAI: Definitely, I'll see you around. Okay.","[Lorelai starts to leave the diner.]","LORELAI: Bye.","MISS PATTY: Bye.","[Outside Lorelai exhales in relief.]","OPENING CREDITS","UNKNOWN ROAD","[Lorelai is driving the Jeep. Her cell phone rings]","LORELAI: Hi.","SOOKIE: Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!","LORELAI: You called me.","SOOKIE: Oh, no, not you. I was talking to Davey. Hey.","LORELAI: Hey.","SOOKIE: I was just calling to let you know I'm not coming into work today. [To Davey] No, no, no, no, no itching. No itching. Just pat, pat. Par, pat.","LORELAI: Is everything okay?","SOOKIE: Oh, everything's fine. I just hate that stupid Rosie Milano.","LORELAI: Ugh, is she the woman at Davey's school with the big, fake boobs who all the dads think are real?","SOOKIE: No, but I hate her, too. Rosie Milano is a little girl in Davey's class.","LORELAI: Oh. Interesting choice for your nemesis.","SOOKIE: She came to school with the chicken pox.","LORELAI: Oh, no, I hate her, too. Davey and Martha?","SOOKIE: Yeah. I mean, not terrible cases. They've both been vaccinated, but I'm up to my ears in oatmeal baths. Plus I've got to find a hotel for Jackson because the inn is completely full -- \"go, us,\" by the way.","LORELAI: Why does Jackson need to stay in a hotel?","SOOKIE: He's never had the chicken pox. I mean I know he's already been exposed, so he may get them anyway, but if there's a chance in hell to avoid him getting them, I'm gonna do it because that man is a huge baby.","LORELAI: Well he doesn't need to stay at a hotel, he can just stay at my place.","SOOKIE: Lorelai, you are my best friend in the entire world. I could not sic Jackson on you.","LORELAI: Oh, please.","SOOKIE: No, the man's a slob. This morning, I could have killed him, with the wet towels all over the floor.","LORELAI: It's so not a big deal. Why waste money on a hotel?","SOOKIE: Are you sure?","LORELAI: Yes. Please, end of discussion. He's staying with me.","SOOKIE: Okay, well, thank you, and I want you to remember this moment because you offered.","LORELAI: Okay, well...","SOOKIE: Okay. Well, I'm gonna pick him up and bring him over to you around 6:00.","LORELAI: Yeah, that sounds good. Hey, so I went into Luke's this morning.","SOOKIE: What? Why didn't you cut me off? It's not like the kids have bubonic plague. How did it go?","LORELAI: It was awful.","SOOKIE: Oh!","LORELAI: Yeah everybody was staring at us.","SOOKIE: Oh, I'm sure they weren't.","LORELAI: Sookie.","SOOKIE: Yeah, they were staring.","LORELAI: Yeah it was just awkward, and neither of us knew how to act.","SOOKIE: I'm sure it seemed worse than it really was.","LORELAI: Uh, no. We hit the weather in the first minute.","SOOKIE: Ohh. Well, it has been unseasonably warm, but you know things will get better.","LORELAI: I don't know. Maybe there's just too much history.","SOOKIE: Oh, history, schmistory. Couples have been breaking up and becoming friends. I mean look at Ryan O'neal and Farrah Fawcett, huh?","LORELAI: Really Ryan and Fawcett that's the most well-adjusted relationship you can come up with?","SOOKIE: I mean I'm sorry. He's been in the news lately -- that whole shooting-a-gun-at-his-son thing.","LORELAI: Hey, s-- oh! God.","[The Jeep starts making unusual sounds]","SOOKIE: What was that?","LORELAI: I don't know.","SOOKIE: Oh!","LORELAI: Oh! It's coming from my car.","SOOKIE: Pull over.","LORELAI: I am.","SOOKIE: Pull over! Pull over! Pull over!","LORELAI: I am. I am. I-I've pulled over. Hold on. I'm turning it off.","SOOKIE: Are you okay?","LORELAI: Yeah, I think so.","SOOKIE: Well, what was that?","LORELAI: You know, the carburetor?","SOOKIE: Oh. Ooh, or maybe the alternator.","LORELAI: I think I better call Gypsy.","SOOKIE: That's probably a good idea.","LORELAI: Okay, bye.","SOOKIE: Bye.","[The brake lights on the Jeep flicker and go out]","PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT.","[Paris is sitting at the table when the front door opens.]","PARIS: Finally. Doyle, she's here! Where were you? Your \"20th century poets\" class ended two hours ago.","DOYLE: Hey, Rory.","RORY: Hey, Doyle. I was just dropping Logan off at the airport.","DOYLE: Oh yeah he has that meeting in San Fran. When is it?","RORY: Tomorrow afternoon.","DOYLE: Wish him luck for me.","RORY: I will.","PARIS: Seriously, you're gonna stand here making idle chitchat on the single most important day of my life?","DOYLE: Sorry, sweetie. Paris has some news.","PARIS: Not some news, the news. Responses from Harvard medical school, Johns Hopkins school of medicine, Penn medical, Yale law school, Stanford law school, and Columbia medical. And before you comment on envelope thickness, keep in mind that so much stuff is online these days that thickness is no longer an accurate indicator.","RORY: Mm-hmm","PARIS: I knew you would want to be here, when I opened them.","RORY: Yeah, right. Thanks.","DOYLE: Go on, hon. Do it!","PARIS: [Sighs] Okay. My lucky letter opener. Used it to open the envelope conveying my acceptance to Yale four years ago. And don't look at me like I'm some kind of superstitious freak. It's just a precautionary device. If it works, great. If not, I need it to open letters anyway. I don't know which to open first. Choose one.","RORY: Okay, uh... Yale law school.","PARIS: Yale law school. Okay, wow. That's a great school. I'd be lucky to get in there, you know? You open it.","RORY: Me?","PARIS: You're lucky.","RORY: I am?","PARIS: How else do you explain the fact that you got into Harvard and I didn't?","RORY: Oh, right, luck. Okay.","PARIS: Use the letter opener!","RORY: Oh. Are you sure the letter opener's luck isn't gonna cancel out my luck?","PARIS: I don't know, is that how it works?","RORY: I was kidding. Sorry. Here we go. All right. \"Dear Paris Geller, we are pleased to inform you --\"","PARIS: I got in! Whoo!","[Paris and Doyle screaming]","RORY: Congratulations! I'm so happy for you.","PARIS: Thank you. Thank you so much for your participation in operation finish line, for your friendship, for everything. You've always been an inspiration to me, Rory Gilmore.","RORY: Aw.","PARIS: I mean, the way you cut your ruthless path to the head of the Yale daily news and never looked back -- I never told you, but I really admired that.","RORY: Thanks?","PARIS: And, Doyle, I know this process didn't exactly bring out my soft and fuzzy side.","DOYLE: Doesn't matter. I love you, baby, and I am so proud of you.","PARIS: I love you, too. I just can't believe I got into the second best law school in the country. It's such an honor! It doesn't matter really if I get into the others. I have a great option right here.","RORY: You do.","PARIS: Yeah! Anyway, go ahead. Might as well open Harvard, even though it doesn't matter. Use the letter opener again.","RORY: Okay. [opens the letter] Okay. \"We are pleased to inform...\"","PARIS: Whoo! [Very excited again] I got in! I got in!","DOYLE: All right!","RORY: Congratulations!","PARIS: Bite me, Harvard, bite me!","DOYLE: Yeah, chock on it!","PARIS: I'm tempted to reject them the same way they rejected me that dark day four years ago. Who's laughing now?!","RORY: Okay, um, so, next we have, what? The university of Pennsylvania? All right. Let's see what it says. [Chuckles] All right. \"We are pleased to inform...\"","PARIS: In? I'm in? Yes!","Excited but a little less than before]","DOYLE: Oh!","PARIS: What's that about?","RORY: Hmm?","PARIS: Your noticeable drop-off in enthusiasm. Is that a reflection of the fact that you're less impressed by my admission to the university of Pennsylvania school of medicine than you were by my other acceptances?","RORY: I'd say we're just as impressed. Wouldn't you, Doyle?","DOYLE: Oh, absolutely. Because it's a pre-eminent institution in the interrelated disciplines of patient-care education and research.","RORY: It's a great school.","DOYLE: Mm, top-notch.","PARIS: Fine, you've made your point. Perception should play a role in my decision-making process.","RORY: Well I guess that's what Doyle and I were saying.","PARIS: I mean lets face it, you say \"Harvard medical school,\" and people are automatically impressed, and that counts for something.","RORY: That's true.","PARIS: SO you think I should go there?","RORY: Oh, well, that's not what I'm saying -- or that you shouldn't. I'm just... What I'm saying is that you have all these great options.","DOYLE: Yeah.","PARIS: I know. So, how do I decide?","DOYLE: Oh, you'll figure it out, hon.","PARIS: How? This is a huge decision, the biggest decision I've had to make in my life. Law school or med school? I have two passions, and obviously, I'm vastly talented in both fields. What muse do I follow? Not to mention location-wise, where do I want to live for the next three or up to eight years? Open the others.","RORY: Yeah? Okay. Columbia.","DOYLE: [Chuckles]","RORY: Also a good school.","DOYLE: Mm-hmm.","RORY: \"We are pleased...\"","PARIS: Oh, god!","RORY: Paris you're just being silly, okay? It's good to have options.","PARIS: Yeah right you can say that because there's only one thing you want. Talk to me if you don't get the New York Times fellowship and you have to choose between six other papers.","[Rory looks hurt]","PARIS: I'm sorry. I just meant it must be nice to know what you want.","RORY: Well, \"nice\" -- yeah, that's one way to put it, and \"scary\" is another.","PARIS: You have a great shot at the Reston.","DOYLE: You do and with A.J. Abrams writing that rec...","RORY: Well I'm sure all the candidates have great recommendations.","PARIS: New York Times would be lucky to have you.","RORY: Thanks. Well, I'll find out soon enough, but come on. This is your moment. Should we open another one? All right. [Opens letter] Hey, hey. You got into Stanford!","DOYLE: Whoa! Someone's on a roll!","RORY: Yay!","PARIS: Enough with the hysterics. I have a big decision to make, and all this hooting and hollering isn't exactly helping matters.","[Paris buries her head in a pillow on the couch]","LORELAI'S HOUSE","[Lorelai's on the phone, the doorbell rings, talking on the phone while answering the door]]","LORELAI: What do you mean you can't fix it, gypsy? It's only eight years old. [To Sookie and Jackson] Hi, come on in. Everyone knows you can fix anything. Sit down. Sorry I have guest, make yourselves at home okay.","SOOKIE: Unh-unh-unh-unh.","JACKSON: Wha...","SOOKIE: Ignore Lorelai.","JACKSON: What?","SOOKIE: You are absolutely not to make yourself at home, don't leave your clothes lying all over the house.","JACKSON: I won't.","SOOKIE: Wipe your shoes off if you go outside and come back in.","JACKSON: I will. Don't leave them laying around in the middle of the room or anywhere where they can be smelled.","JACKSON: Sookie.","SOOKIE: Just don't touch anything, and hang up your wet towels.","JACKSON: I have stayed at other people's houses before.","SOOKIE: I know. Why do you think I'm saying all of this? And just try not to annoy Lorelai.","JACKSON: Believe it or not, I don't try to annoy other people.","SOOKIE: Well congratulations, because you have a natural talent.","JACKSON: Sookie!","SOOKIE: What?","JACKSON: Nothing. Is that all?","SOOKIE: No, I packed you a salad. Eat it in the kitchen at the table on a plate. Please do not make a mess. I wanted to stay around and say thank you to Lorelai, but I should get back to the kids.","JACKSON: Yeah, yeah you should get back to the kids. It sounded like that's gonna take a while.","SOOKIE: Really?","JACKSON: Oh, yeah. They're talking about cars. I mean that phone call could take hours. Go, really.","SOOKIE: Well call me if you need anything.","JACKSON: I will.","SOOKIE: And don't use Lorelai's home phone.","JACKSON: Kiss the kids good night for me.","SOOKIE: I will.","LORELAI: Thanks for trying. Okay. Thank you. Bye. [Sookie leaves just as Lorelai returns from the kitchen] Sorry about that.","JACKSON: Oh! No problem. Thanks again for letting me stay.","LORELAI: Oh, sure, my pleasure. Have a seat. [Hesitating to sit] So, where's Sookie?","JACKSON: Oh you know she had to get back to the kids.","LORELAI: Oh. Well, how's she holding up?","JACKSON: O-okay. A little tense. What's going on with the car?","LORELAI: Gypsy says I have to put it down.","JACKSON: What?","LORELAI: Yes. She said it would be cheaper to get a new one. She used the phrase \"total internal destruction.\"","JACKSON: Wow.","LORELAI: I know. I guess that check-engine light is not just a suggestion.","JACKSON: Not so much.","LORELAI: Although I'm proud. Total internal destruction -- that sounds badass.","JACKSON: So what's next?","LORELAI: Uh, I guess I turn my evil power on some new, unsuspecting vehicle.","JACKSON: Do you know what you're gonna get?","LORELAI: No. Any suggestions?","JACKSON: Honestly, I'm not a car guy, but I can steer you toward a good tractor.","LORELAI: Alright if I decide to get a tractor, you're my guy.","JACKSON: Hey, do you need a ride to work tomorrow? Phil Henderson's gonna pick me up. We could drop you off on the way to the farm.","LORELAI: Well that's nice. What time are you going?","JACKSON: About 4:45.","LORELAI: No, no, no. That's too early. I'll take my bike.","JACKSON: You bike?","LORELAI: Well, I don't bike, but I have a bike. There were about two weeks when Rory was 10 that we were really into biking. Then we got over it and moved on to roller skating, but for those two weeks, it was biking all the way.","JACKSON: 12 years ago?","LORELAI: Is that how long ago it was? Oh, well. I'll be fine. They must have the phrase \"it's just like riding a bike\" for a reason. Okay, so, I'm gonna get a snack. You want to join me?","JACKSON: Uh, actually, no. Sookie made me a salad.","LORELAI: [Scoffs] I'm making chicken nuggets. I won't tell. Come on.","[Jackson follows like a little boy, dropping his bag on the way]","UNKNOWN ROAD","[Lorelai is riding her cell phone rings, she has a hands free ear piece.]","LORELAI: Hello?","RORY: Hi, mom.","LORELAI: Oh, why so blue?","RORY: I'm not blue.","LORELAI: Come on, talk to me.","RORY: All I said was, \"hi, mom.\"","LORELAI: Are you missing Logan? Is he getting back from San Francisco soon?","RORY: On Friday, but that's not why I'm blue. I'm not even blue. Well, I'm not really blue.","LORELAI: Well, why are you not blue?","RORY: Well, Paris got into six schools yesterday, which means she's definitely going to grad school, and I'm happy for her. I mean, I'm happy for Lucy and Olivia, who signed a lease on an apartment in Manhattan -- well, near Manhattan. And I'm happy for this guy in my Shakespeare class who just got recruited for a think tank in Washington.","LORELAI: Wow, that's a lot of happy.","RORY: Yeah, that's just it. All of a sudden, everyone seems to know where they're gonna be next year.","LORELAI: Oh, and you're still waiting to hear?","RORY: Yeah. I mean, I really want the Reston.","LORELAI: And I think you're gonna get it, I really do. But you have other places you're waiting to hear from.","RORY: I know, but to live in New York city and work at the times.","LORELAI: Well, if I say it'll work out, does that help?","RORY: Not really.","LORELAI: Consider it unsaid.","RORY: Thanks.","LORELAI: What kind of think tank?","RORY: I know, I know I should have asked, but I temporarily forgot your fascination with think tanks.","LORELAI: Does the guy have a big forehead? I always picture the think-tank guys with big foreheads.","RORY: No, he has a pretty average-sized forehead. Average to small.","LORELAI: Interesting.","RORY: Mm. Hey, why do you sound out of breath?","LORELAI: I don't know.","RORY: Did you have too much coffee this morning?","LORELAI: Haven't had any. I didn't go to Luke's.","RORY: Oh, I thought you were going for a second run.","LORELAI: Well, maybe tomorrow.","RORY: Mom just do it, I know it's hard, but you guys need to get over this hump.","LORELAI: I promise I'll go back. It's just there's been a lot going on with the car and everything.","RORY: Oh, what did gypsy say?","LORELAI: It's bad.","RORY: Uh-oh.","LORELAI: Doorknobs.","RORY: As in \"dead as\"?","LORELAI: That's right.","RORY: Why? How?","LORELAI: Oh, ours is not to wonder why.","RORY: But it was so young.","LORELAI: I know.","RORY: It just seems like yesterday that we went to pick it out.","LORELAI: Yeah.","Oh. So new car, huh? You should get a DeLorean like in \"back to the future.\"","LORELAI: It's on the list right behind the Batmobile. Although I'm enjoying the whole biking thing.","RORY: What biking thing?","LORELAI: I'm biking to work right now.","RORY: What, now? Mom.","LORELAI: What?","RORY: Pull over.","LORELAI: No!","RORY: That's dangerous.","LORELAI: Oh, I'm fine. I've been talking to you with a little ear thingy.","RORY: Well, pull over right now.","LORELAI: Okay, I'm pulling over, pulling over. Okay, I pulled over.","RORY: Yeah, I know you're not. I'm hanging up.","LORELAI: Okay, bye!","DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN","[Lorelai is reading a car magazine]","SOOKIE: Hey, anything good?","LORELAI: Um, here's one that comes loaded with an entertainment pkg.","SOOKIE: \"Package.\"","LORELAI: Right. Satellite radio, six-cd changer. I'm just not sure if these are cars or really expensive stereos.","SOOKIE: Ooh, you should get a convertible.","LORELAI: I'm not a convertible person.","SOOKIE: What is a convertible person?","LORELAI: You know, too tan, bad hair.","SOOKIE: [Too a kitchen staff] Hey, don't put the tomatoes in until 10 minutes before you serve. [Gasps] Ooh! How about that little sports car?","LORELAI: Yeah, I don't know, I always feel like sports cars have an attitude, you know like they think they're cooler than other cars.","SOOKIE: That's true, although from where I'm sitting in my minivan, they do seem a lot cooler.","LORELAI: [giggles]","SOOKIE: So, thanks again for, you know, having Jackson. I know how difficult he can be.","LORELAI: Oh, he's great.","SOOKIE: Good. You can tell me the truth. I know he's driving you crazy, right?","LORELAI: He's great. We had fun. We watched TV. He went to bed early. It was fun.","SOOKIE: Oh. He's probably on his good behavior. He woke you up when he got up this morning, didn't he?","LORELAI: No.","SOOKIE: He didn't?","LORELAI: No.","SOOKIE: Oh, with all that stomp, stomp, stomping around.","LORELAI: Sookie, is everything okay with you two?","SOOKIE: Oh, yeah, yeah. Fine, fine, fine. He's just kind of getting on my nerves a little, you know. I'm just cranky. The little one's keeping me up at night. So, talk to me. What are you thinking?","LORELAI: How about a mini?","MICHEL: [Entering the room] Oh, how about a Rolls-Royce?","LORELAI: [Sarcastically] Yeah, I'll consider that.","MICHEL: Or a Bentley, Aston Martin, Mercedes, a BMW.","LORELAI: What are you doing, just listing expensive cars?","MICHEL: Take out a second mortgage on your home. It will be worth it.","SOOKIE: Michel, be quiet.","MICHEL: People are impressed by fine automobiles. It's how the world works. Don't look at me like that. I didn't make the rules. I just play by them.","LORELAI: Yeah, but you drive a golf.","MICHEL: Would you like to give me a raise?","SOOKIE: Ignore him! Okay, here's what I want you to do. Close your eyes.","LORELAI: Ooh, fun.","SOOKIE: Now, I want you to imagine your dream car. It can be anything you want. You're backing out of the driveway. You're driving through Stars Hollow. \"Good morning, townspeople! Top of the morning to you.\"","LORELAI: Why am I saying \"top of the morning\"?","SOOKIE: It doesn't matter what you say. It matters what you're in. Can you see what you're in?","LORELAI: I think I can see it!","SOOKIE: Okay, what kind of car is it?","LORELAI: It's not really a car. It's more of a float.","SOOKIE: A float?","LORELAI: In the shape of a swan, and I'm dressed all in white.","SOOKIE: Okay, that's not a very practical car.","LORELAI: Al right. [Too Michel] What are you looking at?","MICHEL: I was trying to decide if you could pull off a Ferrari. Mm, you can't.","LORELAI: Maybe I'll get a really cool vintage car.","MICHEL: A used car? [Laughs] You cannot be serious.","LORELAI: What's wrong with a used car?","MICHEL: Would you buy a used toilet seat?","LORELAI: It's not really the same thing.","MICHEL: You're sitting in someone else's filth.","LORELAI: With pants on.","MICHEL: One can only hope.","LORELAI: Ew, Michel.","MICHEL: You don't know who drove it before.","LORELAI: No but I think I could have it cleaned.","MICHEL: Aw, you're right and I'm sure they got out all the sweat, body odor, and head lice that a previous owner deposited.","LORELAI: Ew! Shouldn't you be somewhere, like the reception desk?","MICHEL: Suit yourself.","LORELAI: Ew, ew.","SOOKIE: I know. And now if you get a cool old vintage car, I don't think I can sit in it.","LORELAI: Listen, don't worry. I'm getting a new car. I have more money now than I did eight years ago, and I can afford something nice, you know, with all the perks.","SOOKIE: Yeah, that makes sense.","LORELAI: I just don't know where to start.","SOOKIE: I wish I could be more helpful.","LORELAI: You know this is something Luke would be good at.","SOOKIE: Yeah.","LORELAI: I mean, in the old days, you know, before everything, when we were just friends, this is something I'd ask for his help with.","SOOKIE: Well, I mean, maybe you could.","LORELAI: Could I? I couldn't. Could I?","SOOKIE: You're talking. You're friends again.","LORELAI: Well, sort of friends. We have a long way to go.","SOOKIE: Well, you will be eventually.","LORELAI: You think something like this would help us get over the hump?","SOOKIE: Yeah, and you've got a built-in safe topic of conversation.","LORELAI: Yeah. Maybe I will.","SOOKIE: Great. I think it's a great idea.","LORELAI: All right, me too. I'll let you know how it goes.","SOOKIE: Okay, I'll be here. [Phone rings] Ooh. Hello? Hey, Jackson. No. Whoa. Wait a -- wait a minute. Wait, wait, whoa, whoa. You did what?","[Lorelai goes outside and dials her cell phone, a horse whinnies in distance]","LORELAI: Hey. It's Lorelai. It's me. Hi. [Chuckles] Are you busy? Um, no, no, no. I just had a -- I had a quick question. It's kind of a favor, really. Um, my car is totally shot, and I need to buy a new car, and I just don't know anything about it, and I thought maybe sometime -- and if you don't have time, it's really no big deal -- but ma-- today? Oh...yeah. I mean, it doesn't have to -- sure. Yeah, we'll go look. Um, I don't know, like 1:30? Can you pick me up at the inn? Hey, thanks. Bye.","[Lorelai looks surprised about the call]","UNKNOWN STREET","[Luke and Lorelai are in Luke's truck]","LUKE: I was gonna put the radio on, but it's been pretty static-y lately.","LORELAI: Oh, I'm fine. I don't need music.","LUKE: Yeah? Okay.","LORELAI: Thanks again for agreeing to come.","LUKE: No problem.","LORELAI: And again, I mean, it didn't have to be, you know, today.","LUKE: Oh, no, you know, the diner was slow, and you can't keep riding that bike around.","LORELAI: Why does everyone act like I'm a really bad biker?","LUKE: No, hey, I didn't mean it that way.","LORELAI: I'm just kidding.","LUKE: Oh.","LORELAI: It was a joke.","LUKE: Okay.","LORELAI: So, um, April left, right?","LUKE: Yeah, but she'll be back in June.","LORELAI: Oh, for the big boat trip?","LUKE: Right, right.","LORELAI: That's gonna be fun.","LUKE: Yeah.","LORELAI: Are you excited?","LUKE: Yeah. [Chuckles]","LORELAI: Oh, good.","[Awkward silence]","LORELAI: You know, I don't mind a little static.","LUKE: I was gonna say, it actually doesn't work that bad.","[Luke tries tuning in the radio]","PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT","[Rory is coming home as the door opens and Doyle comes out]","SOOKIE: Have a nice life!","RORY: Doyle, is everything okay?","DOYLE: Oh, yeah, everything's great. My girlfriend of 2 1\/2 years just broke up with me, but other than that...","RORY: She did? Why?","DOYLE: Who knows? [raising his voice] Maybe because she's psycho!","PARIS: [Screaming from inside the apartment] I am not psycho!","DOYLE: Oh, yes, you are!","RORY: What happened?","PARIS: Take that back!","DOYLE: Ask Paris. [screaming at Paris] I will not take it back because you are a certifiable nut job! [back to Rory] And, hey, if you find out why we broke up, let me know.","RORY: Oh, but, Doyle, where are you gonna go?","DOYLE: Crashing on my metro editor's couch for a couple of days, then I'll be back for my stuff. See you around.","RORY: See you around.","[Rory goes inside]","PARIS: Is he gone?","RORY: Yeah. What happened?","PARIS: We broke up.","RORY: But why?","PARIS: I have a really big decision to make, and I'm not about to let him influence it.","RORY: Was he trying to pressure you into staying in Connecticut next year?","PARIS: Well, no, not overtly, but it was in the air. And statistically, taking into account my geographic and socioeconomic background, the chances of me remaining with my college boyfriend are slim. So how am I gonna feel in 20 years when I look back and realize that I based such a huge decision on some college guy who may or may not make the holiday newsletter cutoff?","RORY: But you love him.","PARIS: Yeah, well, I'll deal.","RORY: Paris.","PARIS: Look, I really don't want to talk about it, okay?","RORY: Okay.","PARIS: The good news is I came up with a point system to evaluate each institution based on faculty, earning potential, location, prestige, and perception of prestige, which I've decided is worth two points. I'm not proud of that but like you taught me with your U. Penn reaction, that's how the world works.","RORY: Well, I'm glad to see you're making progress.","PARIS: As if. Three more acceptances. It's crazy. I mean I always thought that I'd be able to decide between medicine and law based on the quality of schools I was offered entrance to, but at this point, it's a toss-up. Everyone wants me.","RORY: Well, I'm sure you'll make the right decision.","PARIS: Of course I will. What do you think the point system's for?","RORY: Right. So, the mail got here. Anything for me?","PARIS: Nothing from the times.","RORY: [Groans]","PARIS: It'll come.","RORY: Yeah, I know. It's just waiting sucks.","PARIS: Yeah, it does.","[Rory checks the answering machine.]","LUCY: Hey, it's Lucy! I just wanted to give you a heads up for tonight, 8:00 P.M., Rich Man's Shoe. Get ready to toast Glenda. That's what we named our new apartment. I'll tell you why later.","PARIS: They named their new apartment?","RORY: I guess so.","PARIS: Weird. So, you're gonna go?","RORY: Yeah, I was going to. Do you want to come?","PARIS: I might as well. I mean Doyle and I were supposed to see a movie but guess that's not gonna happen.","RORY: Paris, are you okay?","PARIS: Yeah, I'm fine. Trust me, it's not like I've been dying to see \"Blades of Glory\" anyway. I'd better get started on my phone calls for the alumni surveys.","[SCENE_BREAK]","LORELAI'S HOUSE","[Sookie and Jackson are in the living room looking at the remains on the dollhouse]","PAUL ANKA (the dog): [Whimpering]","JACKSON: I was admiring it, you know? And then I got to thinking that I could make Martha one, so I picked it up to see what the support system was like, only it was heavier than I thought, and, well, I dropped it.","SOOKIE: You dropped it.","JACKSON: Yes. And then I fell on it.","SOOKIE: Jackson.","JACKSON: I was trying to catch it!","SOOKIE: You broke the only thing from Lorelai's childhood that she actually liked!","JACKSON: I know. I know!","SOOKIE: How could you?","JACKSON: It was an accident.","SOOKIE: Well why did you have to touch it?","JACKSON: I told you, I was just looking at it.","SOOKIE: Well, you look with your eyes, not with your hands.","JACKSON: Well, maybe we could, you know, find a similar dollhouse.","SOOKIE: Oh, good idea. Let's just sneak it in in the middle of the night like we did with Davey's goldfish.","JACKSON: I'm just trying to think. Maybe I could try and put it back together?","SOOKIE: Yeah, you're so handy.","JACKSON: Okay, you know what? That's enough.","SOOKIE: What's enough?","JACKSON: I know what this is about, and it's not this dollhouse.","SOOKIE: Of course it is.","JACKSON: No, it's not. This is about me lying to you and you getting pregnant.","SOOKIE: What are you talking about?","JACKSON: All this anger you have toward me. That's where this is coming from.","SOOKIE: It's not. I told you I'm excited about the baby.","JACKSON: I know but that's not the same as forgiving me, which you haven't done.","SOOKIE: Yes, I have.","JACKSON: No, you haven't.","SOOKIE: I have.","JACKSON: You haven't.","SOOKIE: I have.","JACKSON: You haven't.","SOOKIE: Fine, I haven't! Are you happy?","JACKSON: No, I'm not.","SOOKIE: Well... I don't want to be mad. I don't. [sits down on the stairs] It's just that every time my feet hurt or my back gets sore or Davey and Martha have a tantrum or get the chicken pox, I get scared about having a third kid. And then I feel bad for feeling like that, and then I get mad at you for making me feel like that.","JACKSON: I understand. I do. Heck, I'm still mad at myself. It's just that at some point, you are gonna forgive me eventually, right?","SOOKIE: It's just sometimes it feels really overwhelming.","JACKSON: I know, but you got to let me back in.","SOOKIE: I want to. I do.","JACKSON: Okay.","SOOKIE: Okay. You were thinking about making a dollhouse for Martha?","JACKSON: She'd really like that, wouldn't she?","SOOKIE: Yeah. She would. Boy, you really plowed into that thing.","JACKSON: Oh, yeah.","SOOKIE: Hm.","CAR SALE YARD","LORELAI: Hmm.","LUKE: No?","LORELAI: No. Sorry it's taking so long.","LUKE: No, not at all. It's a big purchase. You're buying a car. You should take your time. I mean, I'm sorry if you feel like I'm rushing you.","LORELAI: Oh, you're not.","LUKE: No? Good. Because, you know, I've got plenty of time.","LORELAI: Good, me too.","LUKE: So, um, what didn't you like about that one, specifically, so we can kind of narrow things down?","LORELAI: Um, the whole thing. I don't know. It's a feeling. It's hard to explain like with the wrangler, I just got in and I had a feeling. I didn't get the feeling there.","LUKE: [Clearing throat] Yeah, right.","LORELAI: Huh?","LUKE: Huh.","LORELAI: Hmm.","LUKE: No, no. I just was clearing my throat.","LORELAI: Oh.","LUKE: How about a Prius?","LORELAI: Oh, yeah, I can't. Rory has one.","LUKE: She doesn't like it?","LORELAI: No, she does. It's just we made a pact -- no matching cars. You know 'cause it's a slippery slope between matching cars and then matching sweatsuits.","LUKE: [under his breath] Of course.","LORELAI: Huh?","LUKE: I just said, \"of course.\"","LORELAI: Oh, okay. Yeah I'm sorry if this is frustrating for you.","LUKE: Oh, no, no, no. Not at all. It's not frustrating at all. It's fun. But, I mean, look, if you want to leave --","LORELAI: Oh, no, no. No, no, I'm having fun.","LUKE: Good. Good, good, good. So, what about a little hatchback?","LORELAI: Oh! Well, let's see here. [Opens the door and looks in.] Hmm. It's got a power thingy in the console. That could be convenient, you know, if I need to use a hair dryer if I'm running late.","LUKE: That's useful.","[Cell phone rings]","LORELAI: Oh. Excuse me.","LUKE: Yeah okay.","LORELAI: Be right back. [On the phone] Yeah, you know how Jack Bauer should torture terrorists? Make them go car shopping with their exes.","SOOKIE: [Still at Lorelai's] Still awkward, huh?","LORELAI: Still? I'm gonna buy a car just to get out of here.","SOOKIE: No, don't. Just leave.","LORELAI: I want to, and I can tell that he wants to, but neither of us want to say that we want to.","SOOKIE: Oh.","LORELAI: Yeah, I don't know how Ryan and Farrah do it, 'cause this whole friendship thing is not working out.","SOOKIE: Oh. It'll be possible, eventually.","LORELAI: I guess. I just can't take it anymore. What's going on?","SOOKIE: Hmm?","LORELAI: You called me.","SOOKIE: Oh! [Chuckles nervously] Well, um, I just wanted to see how things were going, and now you told me -- really, really bad.","LORELAI: Yeah, add about 10 reallys to that.","SOOKIE: Wow, 12. That's, um, wow. [Chuckles nervously] Okay. Well, I'll talk to you later.","LORELAI: Yeah, okay, bye. [puts on a smile before turning to Luke.]","LUKE: Everything okay?","LORELAI: Yeah, great.","LUKE: All right, good. Look, I was talking to the salesman. He said there's a bunch of other models that way.","LORELAI: Great.","LUKE: Okay, so...","[Lorelai is sitting in a new Jeep]","LUKE: Well?","LORELAI: Well.","LUKE: You've been talking about your Jeep all day,","LORELAI: I know.","LUKE: Comparing other cars to it.","LORELAI: I know.","LUKE: Here it is.","LORELAI: I'm sorry.","LUKE: But I don't understand. It's the same car.","LORELAI: It's not the same car.","LUKE: What do you mean?","LORELAI: What do you mean? It's different.","LUKE: It's not different. It's just a newer model.","LORELAI: No, it's different. The steering wheel, the seats are different, the cup holder.","LUKE: Okay there have been improvements.","LORELAI: They made some changes.","LUKE: Improvements.","LORELAI: Says who?","LUKE: What exactly is bugging you?","LORELAI: It's not bugging me per se. It's just it's different. I don't get that feeling.","LUKE: Oh, for god's sake.","LORELAI: What?","LUKE: You're being ridiculous.","LORELAI: Why?","LUKE: You don't buy a car based on a feeling.","LORELAI: No. You don't buy a car based on a feeling.","LUKE: It's not just me. It's the whole rest of the population.","LORELAI: Really? You took a poll, and you know how everyone else buys their car?","LUKE: I don't have to. I already know what they're gonna say.","LORELAI: Well, I am the person buying the car, and so the only opinion that matters is mine.","LUKE: Oh, that is so like you. I mean this is bathroom tiles all over again.","LORELAI: I was right about the tile.","LUKE: No, you weren't.","LORELAI: The tile was too big for the bathroom.","LUKE: Tiles are not too big for a bathroom. You buy the amount of tiles based on their size that fit into the room you are tiling!","LORELAI: So narrow-minded.","LUKE: That's not narrow-minded. Okay it's sane, and here's a news flash for you, okay? Sports cars don't think they're better than other cars. Okay. Hatchbacks don't have SUV inferiority complexes.","LORELAI: Now who's ridiculous?","LUKE: And sedans aren't afraid to get dirty.","LORELAI: You know what I think it is? That you're hungry.","LUKE: What? No.","LORELAI: Sometimes you get like this when you're hungry.","LUKE: I'm not.","LORELAI: I think I have some cookies in here, some Oreos.","LUKE: I'm not and besides I wouldn't eat anything that came out of that bag.","LORELAI: They're in a wrapper.","LUKE: I can't believe you still haven't cleaned that thing out.","LORELAI: Please.","LUKE: How much time do you lose a day looking through that thing? 5, 10 minutes? Multiply that by a year. I bet you'd gain a month if you just took an hour and cleaned it out, but no -- what?","LORELAI: Nothing.","LUKE: You're smiling.","LORELAI: What? No. You've got low blood sugar.","LUKE: I do not have... okay, are you gonna buy a car or not?","LORELAI: Not.","LUKE: Okay can we get out of here, then?","LORELAI: Gladly.","LUKE: And we're not listening to any of that crap on the radio.","LORELAI: It's not crap.","LUKE: Yeah, it's crap.","LORELAI: It's Air Supply. You know what you need a milkshake.","LUKE: We're not stopping for a milkshake.","LORELAI: Okay let's rock, paper, scissors.","LUKE: No, no, no.","LORELAI: So you forfeit?","LUKE: No, I...","[Opens the truck door for her]","LORELAI: Well, that's how it goes. If you don't play the game, then you forfeit.","LUKE: Let's get you in the car.","[Guides Lorelai in]","LORELAI: That means a giant milkshake for you, my friend.","LUKE: We're not stopping.","LORELAI: Chocolate. That's gonna set you up.","LUKE: We're not stopping. Not gonna happen.","LORELAI'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR","[Sookie and Jackson are sitting on the front steps, Paul Anka is near them]","LORELAI: Hey, guys.","SOOKIE: Hey, Lorelai.","JACKSON: Hiya.","LORELAI: How's it going?","SOOKIE: Oh, we're just enjoying the afternoon. It's such A...nice day out. Come join us.","LORELAI: Okay.","SOOKIE: Hey, how'd it turn out with Luke?","LORELAI: Oh, he got mad at me.","SOOKIE: I'm sorry.","LORELAI: Oh, it was so great. I mean we've been so polite to each other, and I knew he was frustrated with me, and I was definitely frustrated with him, and finally, he snapped, and we started bickering, and it was nice.","SOOKIE: Ah.","LORELAI: More normal, you know?","SOOKIE: The fighting got you over the hump.","LORELAI: Yeah. I cannot find a car, though.","SOOKIE: Did you see anything you like?","LORELAI: No. I mean kind of, but they all have this new-car smell, which apparently people like, but I don't like it. I like the way my old car smelled and the way the zipper got stuck on the window and the little place where Rory signed her name in permanent marker.","SOOKIE: Lots of memories, huh?","LORELAI: It was the first new car I bought and the car I taught Rory to drive in, and I know I have to move on. I know that whatever new car, tractor, float, I get will be great. It's just been a more emotional experience than I thought.","SOOKIE: Makes sense.","JACKSON: Yeah. It does.","LORELAI: What's wrong with you two?","SOOKIE: We have to tell you something, and it's really bad timing because we're talking about memories, and the thing we have to tell you was associated with a lot of memories, but we have to tell you, so I'm just gonna tell you.","LORELAI: What is it?","SOOKIE: Jackson broke your dollhouse.","LORELAI: [Gasps] Oh. How broke?","SOOKIE: In a box in pieces. Trust me, you don't want to look.","LORELAI: Oh.","JACKSON: I am so sorry.","SOOKIE: No, it's my fault. I had you on edge. I had him on edge. We're both so sorry.","LORELAI: Oh, no, that's okay. It was an accident.","SOOKIE: Well, the good news -- not good news. I mean, the not-quite-so-devastating news is that we found someone online that is apparently a wizard with, you know, restoring dollhouses, and we're driving all the pieces over there tomorrow.","LORELAI: Oh, thanks. I'm sure it'll be fine.","SOOKIE: Yeah, everything can be fixed, huh?","LORELAI: Yeah. Is that why you guys are sitting out here?","SOOKIE: Pretty much.","LORELAI: Oh. You want to head on in?","SOOKIE: Sounds good. [Chuckles, Lorelai and Jackson her Sookie up] Yow.","RICH MAN'S SHOE","[Rory, Paris and Lucy are sitting at the table as Olivia comes back with some food]","LUCY: That's a living room, and our bedrooms will be here.","OLIVIA: We're gonna put partitions up. Aesthetically, Japanese screens would be nice.","LUCY: But privacy-wise, we definitely need partitions.","RORY: Well, it looks great.","LUCY: Oh, it's not great.","OLIVIA: Nowhere near great.","LUCY: What it is, is cheap.","OLIVIA: Which is even better than great since the gallery is paying me $21,000 a year, and I'm gonna have to start paying off student loans. How, I don't know.","LUCY: We'll make a budget. You'll swing it.","OLIVIA: I hope so.","RORY: Is it near the subway?","LUCY: That's the best part. It's right near the \"W\" then you transfer to the 7 or the \"N.\"","OLIVIA: I wouldn't say it's the best part. It's definitely a schlepp.","LUCY: But it's a doable schlepp.","OLIVIA: Totally doable. If you get the Reston, you should look in our area.","RORY: Oh, I definitely will. Um, hey, is there student housing at Columbia?","LUCY: You got into Columbia?","PARIS: Yeah.","LUCY: You should go! How much fun will it be when we're all in the city?","PARIS: Maybe. Are you gonna finish that? [Drinks the last of Rory's beer.","RORY: Uh, no. Go for it.","LUCY: Olivia, darts?","OLIVIA: You're on. Let's play for the bedroom with the window.","[They leave]","RORY: Paris, are you okay?","PARIS: Me? Yeah, sure.","RORY: Come on.","PARIS: I just miss him, you know. It's hard.","RORY: I know. You didn't have to break up with him, though.","PARIS: Yes. I did.","RORY: Well, if you thought that he was pressuring you, couldn't you have just talked to him about it?","PARIS: He wasn't.","RORY: Well, then why?","PARIS: It was me, okay? Doyle said to make my decision. He said not to worry about him. He said wherever I went, we'd work it out. So I tried, you know, not to think about him, to take him out of the equation, but I couldn't. Every time I tried to evaluate a school, I'd immediately think about it in relation to Doyle. \"How close is it to him? \"Is there a good newspaper nearby? What will the commute be like?\"","RORY: Well, those are all valid questions.","PARIS: No, they're not. This decision is the culmination of everything I've ever worked for, everything. I should choose a school based on its merits, not based on its proximity to some guy.","RORY: But Doyle's not just some guy.","PARIS: I know. But I'm only 22. This wasn't supposed to happen yet. I wasn't supposed to meet the guy until I was 30 and clerking for a federal judge or finishing up my residency and when I knew where I'd be when I was ready to settle down.","RORY: Yeah, but you can't plan everything. I mean, you fell in love. That's a good thing.","PARIS: Are you willing to make a decision this big based on Logan?","RORY: Well, actually, we talked about it, and we're gonna factor each other in.","PARIS: What does that mean?","RORY: It just means we're gonna take each other into consideration when we make decisions.","PARIS: Okay. So carry that thought out. Let's say you get The New York Times fellowship and Logan's meetings in San Francisco go incredibly well and he wants to move there. Do you take a job in San Francisco? The chronicle is a perfectly adequate paper. Or do you go to The New York Times?","RORY: The New York Times.","PARIS: Then we're saying the same thing, aren't we?","RORY: No, not at all.","PARIS: You're saying your career is your priority over your relationship.","RORY: They're both priorities.","PARIS: But your career comes first.","RORY: Well, I didn't say it comes first. I -- I'm just not ready to make any sacrifices in that area yet.","PARIS: But you are willing to make sacrifices in your relationship. Hence, your career is more important to you, just like me.","RORY: Well, I wouldn't say \"more important.\" I guess I just thought that if Logan and I have to do long-distance again, we'll make it work.","PARIS: Sure. Maybe. Then again, choosing to be apart might be... choosing to be apart.","LORELAI'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR NIGHT","[Luke drives up in his truck and goes to the front door.]","JACKSON: Oh! Hey, Luke.","LUKE: [Surprised] Hey, Jackson.","JACKSON: How you been, man?","LUKE: Uh, not too bad.","JACKSON: You want to come in?","LUKE: Uh, no, that's okay. Is Lorelai here?","JACKSON: Yeah, hang on. [shouting] Lorelai, it's Luke! We thought you were the pizza guy. We're getting pizza tonight, with pepperoni and meatballs and sausage and those extra-crispy, cheesy garlic knots, and we're eating everything on the couch.","LUKE: Well, that sounds...fun.","JACKSON: Yeah, right! [raising a plate of food] Chicken-nugget appetizer?","LUKE: I'm good, I'm good.","LORELAI: Hi.","LUKE: Hi.","JACKSON: Oh, well, good to see you, buddy.","LUKE: Yeah, you too.","LORELAI: What's going on?","LUKE: Okay, here's the deal. I borrowed Kirk's computer, and Zach got me on this craigslist thing, and I found a 1999 Jeep wrangler for sale. The guy actually doesn't live too far from here, so I went to see it. It looks like it's in pretty good shape. So I ran the VIN number. It's got a clean history -- no accidents, no failed emissions. And the guy said he kept it up pretty good, and there's nothing really wrong with it. So I took it for a test drive, and it drove fine. So if you want to keep your old car, for whatever crazy feeling it gives you, okay? Then buy this guy's car, send it to gypsy. She'll take the engine out, put it in the old car, which makes absolutely no sense because you'd basically be paying the same amount of money to fix your old car as you would be paying to get into a new one.","LORELAI: But I'd still have my car.","LUKE: Yeah, gypsy said it'll take about two weeks to finish. Here's the number of the guy, Larry. That's his name. I already negotiated him down 1,500 bucks. Tell him you're Lorelai, Luke's friend. He'll know.","LORELAI: Thanks, I will.","LUKE: It's still a completely ridiculous idea.","LORELAI: I know.","LUKE: Al right [Starts walking away.] And, you know, in the meantime, if you're still riding that bike around, come by the diner. I'll put some air in your tires.","LORELAI: I don't need air in my tires.","LUKE: You need air, and you need a light and a bell so people know you're coming.","LORELAI: What if I don't want people to know I'm coming?","LUKE: I'm putting on a bell!","LORELAI: No, you're not!","LUKE: What do you have against bells?","LORELAI: I don't like 'em.","LUKE: Well, you don't have to like them. They're a safety feature.","LORELAI: I want a horn!","LUKE: Fine you want a horn, I'll get you a horn. Are you happy?","[Lorelai smiles and nods]","LUKE: Jeez.","[Luke starts the truck and drives off]","PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT","[Morning, Rory and Paris having breakfast]","PARIS: So, I don't know where I'll be, but I think I know what I'll be.","RORY: Really?","PARIS: A doctor.","RORY: Oh, Paris, that's great.","PARIS: It's always been my dream, you know? Last night when I was lying in bed watching the ceiling spin...","RORY: I told you that last drink was a mistake.","PARIS: It just became perfectly clear. I've always wanted to be a doctor, for as long as I remember. When I was a kid, I used to cut the heads off my dolls to see what was inside.","RORY: I'm guessing you didn't put that on your applications.","PARIS: I let myself get swayed by the promise of black-card corporate America, but the truth is I want to be a physician -- always have, always will.","RORY: Well, I think it's a very noble profession.","PARIS: Oh, yeah, definitely. It's as close to being god as you can get.","DOYLE: Hey, Paris. Hello, Rory.","RORY: Hey, Doyle.","PARIS: What are you doing here?","DOYLE: I live here.","PARIS: Uh, yeah, but we agreed you'd be the one to move out.","DOYLE: About that -- I changed my mind.","PARIS: It's inappropriate for my best friend to be living alone with my ex-boyfriend.","DOYLE: I don't want to live alone with her. No offense, Rory.","RORY: None taken.","PARIS: We can't all live together. We're broken up.","DOYLE: Actually I changed my mind about that, too.","PARIS: What do you mean? What is he talking about?","RORY: I don't think he wants to break up.","DOYLE: That's right I don't. Oh, and by the way, I think you got into two more med schools -- Washington University and Duke. You know I never saw myself living in St. Louis or North Carolina, but who knows? Maybe I'll end up there.","PARIS: What are you talking about?","DOYLE: I love you, Paris Geller. You are the strongest, most infuriating, most exciting woman I have ever met in my entire life, and there is no way I'm gonna let you go.","PARIS: You don't have a choice.","DOYLE: Sure, I do. Just because you don't want to base your decision on me doesn't mean I can't base my decision on you.","PARIS: That's absurd.","DOYLE: Anywhere you go, I'm going.","PARIS: We're too young to do this!","DOYLE: Maybe you are, but I'm older and a heck of a lot more mature.","PARIS: So... you're saying that if I go to Alaska, you're gonna move there, too?","DOYLE: Well, I've always wanted to go dogsledding.","PARIS: That's ridiculous, with your low threshold for cold.","[Paris and Doyle go into the bedroom as Rory checks the mail, she finds one for her from the James Reston Fellowship]","[Continuing to hear Paris and Doyle from the other room.]","DOYLE: I'll wear warmer clothes.","PARIS: You're not thinking clearly.","DOYLE: I've never been clearer.","PARIS: Keep in mind I'm not going to look for a school with good newspapers nearby.","DOYLE: Keep in mind that the internet is taking off and I can write freelance from anywhere.","PARIS: So that's your plan -- to be a freelance journalist?","DOYLE: No, my plan is to be with you.","PARIS: Why are you doing this?","DOYLE: Because I love you, okay?","PARIS: Well, I love you, too.","DOYLE: That was sweet.","PARIS: Shut up.","[Rory opens the letter, with Paris' lucky letter opener. \"We regret to inform you...\" She didn't get the fellowship and looks stunned.]"],"Show Title":"Gilmore Girls","Episode Number":"07x19","Episode Title":"It's Just Like Riding A Bike","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Gilmore_Girls_07x21.json","Recap":["Lorelai and Christopher are reunited at a party Emily and Richard throw in honor of Rory's graduation. Logan surprises everyone at the party by proposing to Rory, but she is too shocked to give him an answer. Then, on graduation day, Rory and Paris receive their diplomas, and Rory finally gives Logan her answer and says no. Meanwhile, Lorelai is embarrassed about her recent karaoke serenade to Luke, and Luke is hurt when he overhears her saying it didn't mean anything."],"Transcript":["STARS HOLLOW","[Lorelai and Sookie are walking through town]","SOOKIE: How did you get roped into bringing the cake to your parents' party?","LORELAI: I made the mistake of telling my mother how much Rory loves the chocolate-raspberry one from Weston's.","SOOKIE: That's my favorite.","LORELAI: I know me too. So now I'm allowed to handle the cake. Drycleaners, help me remember to pick up my dress from the dry cleaners.","SOOKIE: Dry cleaners -- got it.","LORELAI: And heels -- I need to find a pair of heels that will not sink into the grass at Yale. It's all grass at Yale, unless it's cobblestones. Between the grass and the cobblestones, you can't barely walk around there. So in fact don't help me remember heels. Help me remember wedges.","SOOKIE: Dry cleaners and wedges.","LORELAI: Thank you so much for helping me. I have so much on my mind between Rory's graduation and Logan asking me for her hand. Ooh, Champagne and ice -- I need to bring both of those to Yale.","SOOKIE: Dry cleaners, wedges, champagne, and ice.","LORELAI: Although everyone knows it's a rhetorical question...","SOOKIE: Ha?","LORELAI: Logan asking my permission. Have you ever heard of anyone who says no?","SOOKIE: Why did you want to say no?","LORELAI: No, he can ask her anything he wants. I think she's too young to get married but, oh. Plastic champagne flutes -- I can't forget those. I know he asked me out of respect, but I'll tell you what's not respectful is asking for my permission and then making me wait. Every time the phone rings, I think it's gonna be her, telling me that it's happened, but it's not. It's just my mother calling with some boring party detail, like asking me about the ratio of devil to egg.","SOOKIE: Ooh, that's easy. It's one part yolk and two parts mayonnaise. Oh my God you don't care at all, do you?","LORELAI: No.","SOOKIE: No.","[They enter Weston's]","LORELAI: Ooh I have to remember my beaded clutch. Don't let me forget my beaded clutch.","SOOKIE: Got it.","LORELAI: Hey, Sue. I'm here to pick up the cake.","SUE: Oh great. Thanks.","LORELAI: And then, on top of everything, there's this whole Luke thing.","SOOKIE: [Gasps] Oh, thank god. I have been waiting and waiting all morning. I didn't think you were gonna say anything, and then I didn't think I should say anything. So there is a Luke thing?","LORELAI: I don't know Sookie. I can't figure out what happened. I mean clearly something came up when I sang that song.","SOOKIE: Clearly.","LORELAI: But I don't know if it was a new, now feeling or the residue of an old feeling that came up because of the drinks and the lyrics and the hat.","SOOKIE: That was a deadly cocktail.","LORELAI: So that's why I'm going to the diner today -- to see how I feel, sober and without the lyrics of \"I will always love you\" streaming in front of me.","SOOKIE: Gotcha. But just so you know I think it was a new, now feeling. The way you were singing to him...","LORELAI: Sookie you weren't even there.","SOOKIE: I know but I had enough people describe it to me.","LORELAI: Oh, no!","SOOKIE: No we're just excited for the possibility of you and Luke.","LORELAI: Look I know everyone's heart is in the right place, but I need to figure out what I want.","SOOKIE: Gotcha.","LORELAI: Seriously Sookie I need your help - keeping all these people off my back.","SOOKIE: Understood. But, for the future, the next time you want other people to stay out of your relationship...","LORELAI: Don't serenade your ex in front of the whole town?","SOOKIE: [Gasps] You admit it was a serenade.","LORELAI: Sookie...","LORELAI: Sorry.","SUE: There you go.","LORELAI: Thanks. We can check the cake off our list. What else do I need to remember?","SOOKIE: Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically.","[They leave Weston's]","LORELAI: What?","SOOKIE: Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically.","LORELAI: Huh?","SOOKIE: It's a mnemonic device. Dress, wedges, champagne, ice, plastic flutes, beaded clutch. \"Beaded clutch\" is one word.","LORELAI: And panty hose.","SOOKIE: Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically, Polly.","LORELAI: And tissues and my camera.","SOOKIE: \"Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically,\" Polly teased Chad.","LORELAI: Why would Polly tease Chad about preferring footballs?","SOOKIE: I don't know. Maybe Polly prefers soccer balls.","LORELAI: That doesn't make any sense.","SOOKIE: Well then stop adding stuff to the list.","[Lorelai giggles]","OPENING CREDITS","LIZ'S SHED","LUKE: Hiya.","LIZ: Wow. It's so great to see you.","LUKE: This place looks totally different.","LIZ: Well T.J. And I fixed it up.","LUKE: You guys did a really great job.","LIZ: Thanks we worked our butts off, but it came out really nice.","LUKE: What's gonna go here?","LIZ: Nothing. T.J. Put those up.","LUKE: Yeah didn't want to tempt fate, huh?","[They laugh]","LIZ: Well, you know, he means well. He also built this coat-rack lamp, and it works.","LUKE: Nice.","LIZ: So, what brings you here?","LUKE: Well you know I want to get Rory a graduation gift, and I just thought earrings might be the right thing you know.","LIZ: Cool. I got a whole lot of them, take a look around. So I heard about Lorelai's karaoke serenade. I wish I had been there.","LUKE: It wasn't a serenade.","LIZ: That's not what I heard. I was at Weston's a couple of days ago, and half the town was talking about it.","LUKE: Well half the town should get a hobby. What do you think about these?","LIZ: Ah, those aren't Rory's taste. They're too trippy. She's not trippy. So, what have you done?","LUKE: What do you mean, what have I done?","LIZ: About the love serenade.","LUKE: It wasn't a serenade, and I haven't done anything. I've worked real hard to try to get that stupid song out of my head.","LIZ: Aren't you gonna respond in some way?","LUKE: Well there's nothing to respond to. She drank a truckload of tequila, and she sang a sappy song.","LIZ: Time. Okay. \"I will always love you\" is not a sappy song. It's classic Cyndi Lauper.","LUKE: Whitney Houston.","LIZ: It doesn't matter. The point is, she will always love you.","LUKE: I heard the song.","LIZ: She's waiting for you to make a move.","LUKE: Look if it had meant something, she would have come in, you know. What do you think of these?","LIZ: The teardrops -- Rory will love those.","LUKE: Good.","LIZ: Look, all I'm saying is, from everything I've heard and know, Lorelai would like you to respond. I mean Crazy Carrie was there, and she said Lorelai definitely gave you the love look.","LUKE: I wouldn't trust information coming from a woman who wears a cardboard hat. You got a box for those?","LIZ: I certainly do. [Luke looking at something else] You like that?","LUKE: Yeah. Well, it's nice.","LIZ: It is. It would really match Lorelai's eyes. In fact, I was actually thinking of Lorelai when I made that.","LUKE: Well, I wasn't thinking -- it's a nice necklace, is all.","LIZ: [Chuckles] It is. All right. This is on me.","LUKE: Oh, what? No, no. Come on.","LIZ: After everything you've done for me...","LUKE: I'm not gonna not pay.","LIZ: After everything's T.J.'s put you through?","LUKE: That's very nice of you. You know what? Maybe I will get this necklace as a backup for Rory.","LIZ: Right.","LUKE: yeah she has blue eyes, right?","LIZ: Yes, she does.","LUKE: Find a box for that.","PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT","[They are packing, Doyle is fixing the wall, Paris is on the phone.]","PARIS: Yes, we still have the kitchen table, but the chairs went about a half-hour ago. Yeah let me stop you right there if you want to haggle, go to a flea market, because my other line is ringing. Fine. It's yours. Be here in 20 minutes, or I'll reactivate the listing. [Hangs up the phone] Sold for $15 more than I paid 2 years ago see, the key to haggling is you put your hands around their throat and keep on squeezing.","DOYLE: You've got skills, baby.","PARIS: I know. Think of how useful I'll be when we're in India. Oh remind me -- we have to pack Advil. If I get a headache over there, I'm not about to get some Ayurvedic massage.","DOYLE: Sure, just to clarify, you are gonna tame it down a little when we're in India, right? I mean we are tourists.","PARIS: No way. My philosophy is \"travel aggressively.\" Otherwise, you get taken advantage of.","DOYLE: All these textbooks, backpacking? I thought we agreed this is a vacation.","PARIS: I'm not about to drop the ball now that I've gotten into Harvard medical school. This is the time to turn up the intensity.","DOYLE: Paris...","PARIS: It's not gonna be like this forever, I promise, but these next four years are critical. I've got to do well so I can get a great to tier residency. After that, I promise I'll rest. What? Why are you smiling?","DOYLE: Because I love you.","PARIS: Shut up. I love you, too.","[They start kissing, Rory enters]","RORY: Happy last day! Oh. Well, hello, lovebirds.","APRIL: Where were you?","RORY: I went to a theater party with Lucy and Olivia, and I spent the night at their place. Hey, Doyle.","DOYLE: Hey, Rory.","RORY: Ah man, you guys are almost done packing up your stuff?","PARIS: Getting there.","RORY: Can you believe we graduate tomorrow? I can't believe it. I can't wrap my head around it.","PARIS: Oh God. You're not gonna start getting sentimental already, are you?","RORY: That wasn't sentimental. That was incredulous. I'm allowed to be incredulous. I mean can you believe it?","PARIS: Ah yeah, I can, actually. I checked out of this place the second I got into Harvard. God, I never get tired of saying that.","RORY: Well, I can't believe it, and I intend to savor every moment of it.","PARIS: Well, savor while you spackle. I will take you to small-claims court if I don't get back my full deposit. Hey, do you need any boxes? Someone overestimated.","DOYLE: Let it go, Paris.","RORY: Ah no, I'm just taking all my stuff back home, so I'm just gonna throw it all in suitcases. You know what I should take a picture of you packing up the apartment.","PARIS: And that's not sentimental?","RORY: Oh, shush. I'm allowed a little bit of sentiment on my last day of college. Now smile.","PARIS: Are you done?","RORY: No, no. I need a picture of Doyle. He's packing up the toaster. Oh, no toast tomorrow. That's so sad.","PARIS: Rory.","RORY: One more of you with that annoyed face. [Looking annoyed] That's not cute. Make the annoyed face again. Oh, you're so good. You're a natural. I love it.","LUKE'S DINER","[Lorelai enters]","LORELAI: Oh, hey.","MISS PATTY: Hello!","BABETTE: He's upstairs. I'm sure you can go right on up.","LORELAI: Oh no that's okay. I'm just here for coffee.","MISS PATTY: Sure you are.","LORELAI: I am.","BABETTE: Honey, we were there.","MISS PATTY: We heard the song.","BABETTE: It gave me goose bumps.","MISS PATTY: The way you locked eyes with him.","BABETTE: All of that pent-up emotion -- ooh.","LORELAI: No, no, no. It's just karaoke. You know I got swept up in the lyrics and the moment. It didn't mean anything.","LUKE: [Over hearing Lorelai] What can I get for you?","LORELAI: Hi. Um, a coffee.","LUKE: To go, right?","LORELAI: [Unsure and confused] Okay.","BABETTE: Is Rory all excited?","LORELAI: Um yeah. She is.","BABETTE: I can't believe she's done. I still got memories of her as a little girl running around in my head.","LORELAI: Me too. [Too Luke, sounding happy.] Hey, should I have a doughnut or a muffin?","LUKE: [sounding a little annoyed] Whatever you want.","LORELAI: How about a doughnut with a side of muffin?","[Luke nods and leaves, Lorelai is confused still.]","MISS PATTY: So, uh, what time are we supposed to be there, anyway?","LORELAI: Where?","MISS PATTY: Yale.","BABETTE: Oh, yeah, hon, I need directions, 'cause Morey MapQuested it, but the campus is big.","LORELAI: I didn't know you guys all wanted to come.","MISS PATTY: Of course we do.","BABETTE: We wouldn't miss our little girl's graduation.","[Luke drops of the to-go bag for Lorelai, distracting her again.]","LORELAI: Oh well I have to call her and see, make sure there's enough tickets.","BABETTE: Thanks, doll.","MISS PATTY: [Too Babette] How many do you think we need?","BABETTE: Well, let's see. There's Morey and me and you and Lane and Zach and Mrs. Kim -- Lulu and Gypsy, plus one, she said.","LORELAI: That's a lot of people.","BABETTE: Yeah maybe we should charter a van.","LORELAI: [Lorelai's cell phone rings] Ooh, speaking of the graduate.","BABETTE: Say hello to her from us!","LORELAI: I will.","BABETTE: And ask her how long the ceremony is, 'cause I got to plan my snacks.","[Lorelai goes out side and answers the phone.]","LORELAI: Hey!","RORY: Hey. You are not gonna believe it!","LORELAI: Okay. Hold on. [Takes the phone away from her hear and exhales] Believe what?","RORY: Milan Kundera is speaking at our graduation.","LORELAI: [No the news she was expecting] Oh.","RORY: What? You're not a big Kundera fan?","LORELAI: Uh, no. I'm unbearably light on him.","RORY: I see.","LORELAI: Speaking of which, do you think you can get some more graduation tickets? It seems like the whole of stars hollow wants to come.","RORY: Oh, that's sweet, but we only get four, and people have been trying to get extra ones since September.","LORELAI: Oh, no. Anything on the black market?","RORY: No I think we're probably priced out of that.","LORELAI: All right well, you do know the house is gonna get egged.","RORY: I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do. I'll help you scrub it when I get home.","LORELAI: Wait a minute. Four? There's me, your dad, your grandparents, Logan.","RORY: Logan's sitting with his friends - there're like 20 guys he hasn't seen since last spring.","LORELAI: Mm gotcha.","RORY: So, are you nervous?","LORELAI: About Logan seeing his friends? Not really.","RORY: No. About seeing dad.","LORELAI: Oh, that. No. Ah we talked last night, mostly about our beautiful daughter.","RORY: Oh.","LORELAI: We're both just so proud of you. I think we're gonna be fine.","RORY: Good. What about Luke?","LORELAI: Oh, well, I was just in there, you know. Trying to figure out how I feel.","RORY: And?","LORELAI: And the point is totally moot, because he barely even looked at me.","RORY: What?","LORELAI: Yeah I must have completely embarrassed him, in addition to completely embarrassing myself. I've given you the \"don't drink to excess\" speech, right?","RORY: Well if you haven't, you've certainly taught me by example.","LORELAI: So, anyway, that's that.","RORY: Are you okay?","LORELAI: Oh, yeah. I mean, I didn't know what I wanted, anyway, so...","RORY: Okay if you need anything...","LORELAI: Yeah. Thanks, hon.","RORY: All right listen I'm gonna go. Logan and I have this romantic afternoon planned.","LORELAI: Oh? Really?","RORY: We're spackling.","LORELAI: Oh. Well, spackle well, or whatever one says to encourage a successful spackle.","RORY: Have a good spackle?","LORELAI: Spackle on.","RORY: Break a spackle?","LORELAI: Knock on spackle if things work out.","RORY: Okay I'll talk to you later.","LORELAI: Tell him I said hi.","RORY: Bye, mom.","LORELAI: Bye. [Sighs after she hangs up.]","TOWN MEETING","TAYLOR: all right, everybody! That's enough! The meeting has come to order. Now before we get down to official business, I would like to unofficially thank all of you for your concerns over my health. I'm doing much better, thank you.","BABETTE: We never heard. What did you do?","LORELAI: Yeah what happened?","MISS PATTY: I heard you slipped in the tub.","TAYLOR: That's right, I did. Let that be a lesson to all of you. Bathroom safety is a serious business. One can never be too careful. Now, onto...","GYPSY: I thought the paramedics found you in your living room.","TAYLOR: Well, yes. The tub was, in fact, a pedi-spa. I have bunions, and I was soaking, but it still was exceedingly slippery. Onto the next order of business. Our esteemed friend and neighbor Kirk would like a permit to do his performance-art piece called \"Kirk-in-a-box\" in the town square.","KIRK: It isn't a performance-art piece. It is a feat of endurance -- an attempt to stretch the bounds of human possibility.","MISS PATTY: And what exactly is \"Kirk-in-a-box\"?","KIRK: I will be suspended 20 feet above the street in a clear Lucite box with no food or water.","LORELAI: Like David Blaine.","KIRK: Not at all. My box is smaller.","BABETTE: Why?","KIRK: Because Lucite is very costly.","BABETTE: No. Why are you doing it?","KIRK: To see if I can.","TAYLOR: Let me point out that something like this could draw a crowd.","GYPSY: Hey if Kirk wants to sit in a box, let him sit in a box.","MOREY: Yeah, what do we care?","BABETTE: Yeah you don't have to look. It's a good idea! Let's vote!","TAYLOR: Very well. All those in favor.","[All Aye!]","TAYLOR: All right, all right. But don't complain to me when and if we run into a parking situation...","BABETTE: [Quietly to Lorelai as Taylor continues to talk.] Is there special parking at Yale?","LORELAI: Oh, I meant to tell you. I couldn't get any extra tickets.","BABETTE: What? We don't get to go to Rory's graduation?","LORELAI: I tried.","BABETTE: Isn't there anything you can do?","LORELAI: Well I asked.","TAYLOR: Excuse me, ladies. What is going on over there?","BABETTE: None of us gets to go to Rory's graduation.","[All groan]","LORELAI: I'm sorry. I tried.","TAYLOR: Order! Order! Everyone, quiet down. Clearly, this is an issue of importance to some of you, so let's just add it to tonight's agenda.","LORELAI: No, no, no. Taylor, we don't have to do that.","TAYLOR: Too late. It's already been added. Lorelai, state your case.","LORELAI: I don't have a case.","TAYLOR: Fine. Then just explain how this mishap occurred.","LORELAI: What mishap?","TAYLOR: Clearly, you dropped the ball.","LORELAI: I didn't. They get four per kid. That's how it works. What could I do? I tried.","TAYLOR: Were there no orphans, no children of divorce? Are you telling me that every single student at Yale has at least four people coming to see him or her graduate?","LORELAI: Look, I'm sorry okay, but you'll all get a chance to congratulate her at the graduation party I'm having at my house in a week.","BABETTE: But it's not the same thing. We've all known the kid since she was that high. We want to see that special moment when she gets handed her diploma.","LORELAI: I'm really sorry, guys. I mean maybe I could hand her the diploma again you know, at the party at my house.","BABETTE: You would do that?","LORELAI: Of course.","GYPSY: Well what about the music? You can't have the pomp without the circumstance.","TAYLOR: That's an easy one to solve. The stars hollow high school band will play. It will be a wonderful dress rehearsal for their own ceremony in two weeks.","[All Yeah!]","LORELAI: I don't know if I can fit the whole band inside the house.","TAYLOR: Absolutely not -- your house is not zoned for gatherings larger than 15 people. We'll do it in the town square.","[All exclaim]","LORELAI: Oh, that sounds...","KIRK: Lulu can play Rory. She's a terrific actress.","RORY: What are you, nuts? No way. Rory's gonna play Rory.","BABETTE: Oh, and at the ceremony at Yale, don't forget to take a lot of pictures, 'cause then we can blow them up for the re-enactment!","LORELAI: [Looking worried] Uh, uh, okay.","TAYLOR: I would suggest taking a notebook along. Attention to detail is very important in re-enactments.","LORELAI: [Whimpers]","YALE - RORY'S GRADUATION PARTY","[Several dozen people are celebrating with her, Rory is talking with a few ladies.]","WOMAN 1: We'd love to have you back at the D.A.R.","WOMAN 2: So much, you were a breath of fresh air.","WOMAN 1: We want to start a little outreach program.","WOMAN 2: You wouldn't believe your generation's apathy when it comes to such things as the preservation of this nation's history.","RORY: Oh really yeah that's a shame.","WOMAN 2: We were thinking of renting out a roller rink...","LOGAN: I'm sorry, ladies. Mind if I steal my girlfriend away for a minute? Some rather urgent business.","WOMAN 2: Of course not.","WOMAN 1: We'll talk later.","RORY: Excuse me. [Away from the ladies] Oh you really are my shining, armored knight. You know that.","LOGAN: I saw you dying, and I did want to tell you something rather urgent.","RORY: What's up?","LOGAN: You look beautiful.","RORY: Oh!","[They kiss, Lorelai is watching from a distance]","WOMAN 3::I just can't believe you're old enough to have a daughter in college.","LORELAI: Yeah...","WOMAN 4: Neither can I. What is your skin-care ritual?","LORELAI: Oh, just soap, you know?","WOMAN 3: What kind?","[Lorelai's cell phone rings]","LORELAI: I just get it at the drugstore. Will you excuse me? [Answering the phone] Chris, hi.","EMILY: Where are you going?","LORELAI: I'll be right back.","EMILY: That wasn't the question.","[Lorelai goes outside]","LORELAI: Where are you? Oh. There you are.","CHRISTOPHER: Hey.","LORELAI: Hey.","CHRISTOPHER: Sorry. I just didn't want to do this in front of everyone.","LORELAI: No, no. I think that's a good thing.","CHRISTOPHER: Hi.","LORELAI: [Sighs] Hi.","CHRISTOPHER: You look good.","LORELAI: You look good.","CHRISTOPHER: So, how is she?","LORELAI: Oh, she's excited. She's good. She's excited.","CHRISTOPHER: Yeah? And you?","LORELAI: I'm excited, sad, and nostalgic. Terrified. Logan asked my permission to ask her to marry him.","CHRISTOPHER: What?","LORELAI: Yeah. I know. I mean he hasn't done it yet, you know so maybe he'll back out, but he definitely asked.","CHRISTOPHER: Wow.","LORELAI: Yeah.","CHRISTOPHER: She's so young.","LORELAI: I know.","CHRISTOPHER: So what did you say?","LORELAI: I told him he could ask her.","CHRISTOPHER: Right. Yeah.","LORELAI: What do you think?","CHRISTOPHER: I'm just letting it sink in. You know, you hear about people asking the father. Not that you don't deserve to be asked -- you do. It's just more stuff I've missed.","LORELAI: We're gonna figure out this whole divorced-parenting thing eventually.","CHRISTOPHER: She might be 60.","LORELAI: Well, 60-year-olds are notoriously needy. At least we'll be in sync by then.","CHRISTOPHER: [Sighs]","LORELAI: You want to come see her?","CHRISTOPHER: Let's do it.","LORELAI: Okay.","[They go back inside]","CHRISTOPHER: Hey, kiddo!","RORY: Hi, dad.","CHRISTOPHER: Hey.","[Smooches]","CHRISTOPHER: Hey it's good to see you.","LOGAN: Good to see you, too, sir.","CHRISTOPHER: So, are you getting excited?","RORY: Yeah, I can't believe it's tomorrow.","[Tapping glasses]","RICHARD: Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, first let me thank you for coming to celebrate my granddaughter's graduation. [Emily pinches Richards arm] Ouch! I do beg your pardon. Celebrating our granddaughter's graduation.","[Chuckles from the gathering]","EMILY: I can't let him take all the credit. Have you seen her? Can you blame me?","[More chuckles and laughter]","RICHARD: So, when my wife and I sat down to write our toast, we ran into something of a problem. All of our words sounded too mundane, too insignificant to mark such an auspicious occasion as Rory's graduation from Yale. So instead... maestro...","EMILY: Please excuse us. We're not singers.","[Piano playing]","RICHARD: Never let them see you sweat, dear.","RICHARD: [Singing] You're the top you have graduated.","EMILY: [Singing] You're the top your grandparents are elated.","RICHARD: [Singing] Newspaper editor. Phi Beta Kappa wow!","EMILY: [Singing] You're a revelation. A huge sensation.","RICHARD: [Singing] You should take a bow.","EMILY: [Singing] You are done. No more school for you.","RICHARD: [Singing] There is nothing. Now that you can't do.","EMILY: [Singing] You'll make us proud, we'll sing it loud.","RICHARD: [Singing] It's true!","RICHARD AND EMILY: [Singing] 'Cause now, Rory you're a Bulldog through and through.","[Laughter, applause]","LOGAN: Yeah!","EMILY: Please stop.","RICHARD: Oh, thank you, thank you.","RORY: Wow. Thank you for that.","EMILY: We meant every word of that song.","RICHARD: We certainly did, even the ones we sang off-key. We are so proud of you.","RORY: Oh thank you so much. You know that none of this would be possible without your help so. You should all know that there's no way I could be a Bulldog through and through if it weren't for these two, so thank you so much, grandma and grandpa.","RICHARD: Congratulations, Rory. [They clink glasses] To you.","LORELAI: Cheers.","ALL: Cheers.","CHRISTOPHER: [Cell phone rings, leaving a message] Oh, it's the babysitter, checking to see if Gigi Can watch an hour of television. I don't think she's ready for \"The Pussycat Dolls.\" I'll be right back.","LOGAN: Actually, would you mind waiting?","CHRISTOPHER: Sure.","LOGAN: trust me you'll want to stick around for this.","CHRISTOPHER: [To Lorelai] Okay. Is he gonna...","LORELAI: [To Chris] Not here. Not now.","LOGAN: If I could, I'd also like to say a few words about my girlfriend of the past three years. You amaze me, Rory Gilmore, every day -- everything that you do, everything that you are.","RORY: [giggles]","LOGAN: This past year, I realized that I don't know a lot more than I thought I knew, if that makes sense. I'm a little bit nervous. I didn't think I would be. What I'm trying to say is that... I don't know a lot. But I know that I love you... and I want to be with you... forever.","[All Sighs]","LOGAN: Rory Gilmore... ...will you marry me?","RORY: Um... um, wow. Um, wow. I -- wow.","LOGAN: Is there a \"yes\" in between those \"wows\"?","RORY: Um, I'm just... I'm so...surprised. I-I just -- um, would -- um... w-will you come talk to me outside?","LOGAN: Sure.","RORY: Yeah. Okay.","[Guests murmuring]","EMILY: [To the pianist] Play something -- now.","[Piano plays mid-tempo music, Emily watches them go outside, Richard and Lorelai look worried. Outside Logan and Rory talk.]","RORY: Sorry. I-I didn't want to talk in front of everybody.","LOGAN: No. I completely understand.","RORY: [Seeing a white carriage and 2 white horses] Is that...","LOGAN: For us? Yeah.","RORY: [Shocked by it all]","LOGAN: I'm sorry I know you said you were over big gestures, but that's what wedding proposals are. And night with your parents here and your grandparents, I just thought...","RORY: No, it's not the size of the gesture. It's the gesture itself.","LOGAN: Rory, I got the job out in silicon valley.","RORY: What? You did? When?!","LOGAN: They offered me the position about 45 minutes after the meeting, but I wanted to save the news until after I proposed.","RORY: Wow. You've been thinking about this for a while.","LOGAN: Yeah. Back when everything was up in the air business-wise, I realized as long as I had you, I'd be okay. You would love Palo Alto, Rory. We could go hiking in the Dish on weekends, biking at the Baylands.","RORY: Wow. California sounds really athletic.","LOGAN: Or coffee drinking on university avenue.","RORY: That's much easier to imagine.","LOGAN: I went exploring a little, and there is this house that we could rent. It has a backyard with an avocado tree.","RORY: I do like guacamole.","LOGAN: And it's only 35 miles south of San Francisco -- just a straight shot up the 101.","RORY: Wow you've done a lot of research.","LOGAN: Yeah you could work at the Chronicle, The San Francisco Bay Guardian.","RORY: Wow. Oh, it sounds amazing. Logan, it sounds wonderful. I just -- I don't know. I mean, you've had time to think about this and research. It's so sweet and wonderful. I just -- I'm hearing about it for the first time.","LOGAN: So you're saying in the past three years, you never thought about marrying me?","RORY: No, of course I have.","LOGAN: And?","RORY: And it's always a really wonderful thought, but it was always hypothetical and...","LOGAN: I know. For me, too. But then it hit me -- why wait? Remember when we were in the life and death brigade and we stood on top of that tower, and we held hands and we jumped? Let's do that again, Rory. Let's jump.","[Rory smiles at Logan, meanwhile back inside.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","EMILY: Well I don't what to do, should I continue to stagger the hors d'oeuvres or just tell the kitchen to send everything out?","LORELAI: I don't know.","EMILY: What didn't she just say \"yes\"?","LORELAI: I think she's not sure she wants to marry him, mom.","EMILY: That's ridiculous. He's a Huntzberger. An offer like this doesn't come around every day.","LORELAI: It's a marriage proposal, not a sale on linens.","RICHARD: Clearly, Rory was caught off guard. All of us were. [Lorelai cell phone rings] I'm sure she just needs a moment to get her bearings.","LORELAI: Hi, hon.","EMILY: Is that Rory? Did she say yes?","LORELAI: [To Chris] Hey, it's Rory. Do you want to come?","CHRISTOPHER: No. You go.","LORELAI: Okay. [Too Rory] Hi.","HORSE DRAWN CARRIAGE","[The girls are riding along]","RORY: I just couldn't answer him. You know I just kept saying, \"I don't know. I'll have to think about it.\" It was awful. He was obviously disappointed and upset. You know he made all these plans about the house we would live in and the avocado tree in our backyard.","LORELAI: Well, you do like guacamole.","RORY: I just had to explain to him how out of the blue this is. I mean this is seriously out of the blue -- out of the deepest, darkest, naviest blue. And why are you so calm, by the way?","LORELAI: Oh, well, he asked my permission a couple days ago.","RORY: What? You knew?","LORELAI: I was dying to tell you.","RORY: Oh man you are a good secret keeper.","LORELAI: Not really. I told Sookie. I told your dad. Paul Anka and I discussed it at length.","RORY: So what do you think I should do?","LORELAI: Oh, honey, I think it's your decision.","RORY: I know, but tell me what you think I should do.","LORELAI: Well, I think you should take a few days, you know, let the shock wear off.","RORY: You're really not gonna give me your opinion?","LORELAI: Only you know what you want.","RORY: Yeah. [Sighs] I love him. I do. I mean, things have been really amazing lately. But, on the other hand, we are so young. I'm only 22. On the other hand, what does age matter when you're in love? On the other hand, what is the rush?","LORELAI: Well, you're like a circus freak with all the hands.","RORY: Won't you just tell me what to do?","LORELAI: Honey, I'm sorry.","RORY: Oh! Okay. You don't have to say anything. Just blink one eye if you think I should do it.","LORELAI: No.","RORY: 'Cause you don't?","LORELAI: 'Cause I won't.","RORY: This is like the bird-versus-turtle Halloween costume all over again.","LORELAI: Well I didn't crack then, and I'm not gonna crack now. I just think you need to figure it out. And remember -- that flying turtle bird was the most original costume in the third grade.","RORY: Yeah. [Sighs] But this time I have to choose -- turtle or bird?","LORELAI: Well, you're not in third grade anymore.","RORY: Yeah, I guess not.","LORELAI: Hey, how many hours do we have the carriage for?","RORY: Um, a couple more, I'm guessing.","LORELAI: Want to drive through the center of town and do the queen wave?","RORY: Yes.","STARS HOLLOW","[Lorelai is walking the darken street towards Luke's, she sees Kirk in the Lucite box. Luke comes out of the diner with some trash.]","LUKE: How's it going?","LORELAI: Hey.","LUKE: What are you doing out here so late?","LORELAI: I needed to take a walk to clear my head, and I wanted to see if Kirk was still in the box.","LUKE: Yeah apparently he is you know, I wouldn't know. I've decided to ignore him. Gawking only encourages his asinine behavior.","LORELAI: What about you? You're usually long gone by now.","LUKE: The softball team's celebrating their first win. I couldn't get them out the door. Clearing your head about what?","LORELAI: [Sighs] Logan proposed to Rory.","LUKE: No way. Wow. Wow. I guess you would need a walk for that. What did she say?","LORELAI: Well, she said she needed time to mull it over.","LUKE: Good answer.","LORELAI: I thought so.","LUKE: Yeah. So, did she ask for your advice?","LORELAI: She did. Yeah.","LUKE: And?","LORELAI: I told her it was her decision. My mother's picking out china patterns.","LUKE: Oh, I bet she's all over that. So, you're leaning toward \"no\"?","LORELAI: Oh, uh, no. I'm not really leaning. I'm kind of upright.","LUKE: Oh well I just, I could understand if you were leaning away from \"yes.\"","LORELAI: Why?","LUKE: Well I mean she's really young and it's the most important decision of your life -- you know, her life.","LORELAI: Well, they love each other. He's been great. Maybe they got it together young. Some people do.","LUKE: Right and others need time.","LORELAI: Sure. Or they're never ready.","LUKE: I wouldn't say \"never.\" Just they want to be a little more careful. They're a little slower, you know, just to make sure it's right.","LORELAI: Well you can't always be 100% sure it's right. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith.","LUKE: You got to know what you're leaping into.","LORELAI: After all this time, how could you not know?","LUKE: How could who not know?","LORELAI: Rory.","LUKE: Right.","LORELAI: Right.","LUKE: Rory.","LORELAI: Well, that was my walk, and, uh, I'm gonna head home.","LUKE: Good enough. Oh, I almost forgot something. Hang on.","[Luke goes into the diner.]","LORELAI: Are you allowed to talk in there?","KIRK: Rules are a little gray on that!","[Inside Luke's, behind the counter he gets the earrings for Rory, the other box for Lorelai is also in the draw, he hesitates and leaves it. And goes outside.]","LUKE: I got this for Rory.","[Lorelai is surprised]","LORELAI: Oh.","LUKE: Yeah. I just thought it would be better if she got it on the day of her actual graduation.","LORELAI: Oh, that's -- that's -- that's nice.","LUKE: Yeah, so...","LORELAI: Thoughtful. So, good night.","LUKE: Good night.","LORELAI: Good night, Kirk.","KIRK: Good night.","[Kirk lies down]","PARIS AND DOYLES APARTMENT","[Rory is finishing the spackle work. Stops to look for food, finds some cereal and gets a bowl and spoon from a box. Checks the fridge for mike, but it has \"For! Paris! Only!\" on it, so puts it back and has it dry. She tries on the ring and smiles.]","YALE - GROUNDS","[Emily. Richard and Lorelai are walking.]","RICHARD: I'm just saying he's a superb writer.","EMILY: I'm just saying that a superb writer does not a superb speaker make. I could barely stay awake.","RICHARD: I told you to start with coffee. It's a two-ceremony day.","LORELAI: Maybe it's just a cultural thing. Maybe Milan Kundera is the Robin Williams of the Czech republic.","EMILY: With that voice? So soporific it was as if he were trying to perform a mass hypnosis.","LORELAI: We should hurry up if we want to get good seats to watch Rory get her diploma.","EMILY: My point is, with all the potential speakers out there, why choose someone so dull?","LORELAI: You know for a while, Rory said they were considering Henry Winkler. That would have been neat.","EMILY: Who?","RICHARD: You mean Henry Kissinger?","LORELAI: Not unless he played the Fonz.","EMILY: I'm assuming that Logan will join us for the actual commencement at Branford.","LORELAI: Nope.","EMILY: No?","LORELAI: He's sitting with his friends. Plus, I think it would be awkward, you know?","EMILY: I don't know. No one knows. Only Rory.","LORELAI: Well, mom...","EMILY: Well I just can't believe you don't have more information.","LORELAI: She said she's thinking about it so she's thinking.","EMILY: What is she thinking?","LORELAI: I don't know.","EMILY: Why not?","RICHARD: Actually, Kissinger would be duller than Kundera with that foghorn voice and that accent. Of the two, I'd vote for the Fonz.","EMILY: Do you even know who the Fonz is?","LORELAI: Oh, wait, wait. Oh, shoot.","RICHARD: What's wrong?","LORELAI: I promised Patty and Babette that I would get lots of extra programs for the re-enactment.","EMILY: Oh here. You can have mine.","LORELAI: [Groans]","EMILY: What? It was hot. I needed a fan.","RICHARD: Sweetheart, I'm sure I can use some of my many contacts to procure as many programs as you need.","LORELAI: Really? Could you? That would be great.","EMILY: Can I have my program back, then? As my friend Sylvia Rosenblat is saying, I'm \"Shavitzing.\"","LORELAI: Shvitzing, mom. Shvitzing. Never mind.","YALE - GROUNDS","[Rory, Paris, Lucy and Olivia (who is opening a bottle of champagne.)]","OLIVIA: So, seriously, 90% of the class was at this party...","LUCY: More!","OLIVIA: And everyone's watching. He starts to -- swear to god -- do the robot.","RORY: Professor Watley?","LUCY: Uh-huh.","PARIS: Wait isn't he like 150?","LUCY: I know, right. At first, we thought he was having a seizure, which you know would have been easier to take.","OLIVIA: That was so funny, an awesome party, by the way. I thought you were gonna come after your grandparents' little cocktail bash.","LUCY: Yeah, Gilmore, you're so lame for blowing it off.","PARIS: Yeah at least I had an excuse. My boyfriend and I went to \"Star of Bombay\" as a little warm-up for our trip to India. It turns out Doyle's stomach and Vindaloo are not bunk buddies. It's gonna be a long trip.","RORY: Well I would have gone to that party if somebody hadn't insisted that I finish spackling all the holes in our apartment, upon pain of death.","PARIS: Hey, each unspackled hole is deposit money that our hygienically challenged, sleazebag of a landlord will use to supply his freaking p0rn habit.","RORY: College has mellowed Paris.","LUCY: How was your grandparents' cocktail party? Were there great huzzahs in your honor?","RORY: Oh it was fine. People walked around, had grown-up drinks, and my grandparents sang me a song. I turned a deep shade of red. It was fine.","OLIVIA: Uh-oh it looks like you guys are lining up.","LUCY: We better get over to Saybrook. [Holding the champagne bottle high] To our future!","TOGETHER: Huzzah!","LUCY: I wonder if I'll actually get my diploma in my envelope.","RORY: Why? Do you have some overdue library books?","OLIVIA: And she has no idea where they are.","LUCY: Please forward my mail to Argentina. I'll be hiding out until the heat blows over. I love you guys!","OLIVIA: Bye!","RORY: Bye!","YALE","[The ceremony is about to get under way. Lorelai, Emily and Richard are finding their seats.]","EMILY: Did she try on the ring?","LORELAI: I have no idea.","EMILY: I can't believe you have no idea what she's going to do. I mean aren't you two \"bosom buddies\" Isn't the sharing of intimate information your thing?","LORELAI: Mom our thing right now is letting Rory make her own decisions.","EMILY: What did you tell her to do?","LORELAI: Mom I didn't tell her to do anything. I'm letting her make her own decision.","EMILY: But you must have at least...","RICHARD: Emily can we focus on the ceremony?","LORELAI: So, are these seats okay? Can you both see the stage?","RICHARD: Perfectly.","EMILY: Well, I'm sure someone will take a photo of Rory receiving her diploma close-up.","LORELAI: Mom, if you don't like these seats, we can go look for others.","EMILY: No. Then we'll lose these.","LORELAI: Well we can have dad wait here while I try to find better seats...","RICHARD: Lorelai, these seats are fine.","LORELAI: Hey!","CHRISTOPHER: Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.","EMILY: You're not late. The ceremony is starting late, of course, after Lorelai drove us like cattle to get here.","LORELAI: [To Chris] You be the deciding vote. Are these seats okay, or do you think we should look for better ones?","CHRISTOPHER: These seem great.","LORELAI: [Giggles] Really? Because that lady has long hair, and if a breeze blows up, it might...","RICHARD: Lorelai, Lorelai, the seats are perfect.","LORELAI: All righty.","CHRISTOPHER: Any answer from Rory?","LORELAI: Not yet.","EMILY: Apparently Lorelai has decided to invoke the \"don't ask, don't tell\" rule.","LORELAI: Oh mom.","RICHARD: Bill Clinton -- that's a speaker I would have enjoyed. I can't stand his politics, but he has a commanding presence and a nice voice. I wonder if he records books on tape.","[Lorelai and Chris look at each other, amused at Richard]","YALE","[Paris and Rory line up]","PARIS: So have you thought about what you're going to say?","RORY: What?","PARIS: When he hands you the diploma. I can't decide between \"thank you\" and \"thank you so much.\"","RORY: Oh.","PARIS: It's a significant moment, and I want to do it right. If I say just plain \"thank you,\" it sounds kind of casual, like he's handing me a slice of pizza. But \"thank you so much\" sounds weird, like I'm acknowledging applause after singing a love ballad.","RORY: I think I'm just gonna do a polite smile and a \"thank you.\" Okay. This is it.","PARIS: Yeah. We've been drafting off each other since high school, and now it's each woman for herself. Who knows when we'll see each other again, right?","RORY: Paris I haven't been able to shake you off all these years. We're gonna be friends for a very long time.","PARIS: You're gonna do such great things with your life, Rory.","[Paris surprises Rory with a hug.]","RORY: Oh! Wow. Okay.","WOMAN: Okay, G's, you're on the move!","[Rory see Logan in the distance, with his friends, he waves to her]","PARIS: Unto the breach.","YALE - CEREMONY","[The ceremony is underway]","MAN: Phoebe Elizabeth Gabner.","LORELAI: You ready to be parents of a Yale graduate?","CHRISTOPHER: I already got the bumper sticker picked out.","EMILY: Just so you know, I read in the New York Times that people are getting married younger and younger these days.","LORELAI: Well the good news is, if it was in the New York Times, Rory saw it and filed it away. What's wrong?","EMILY: This chair is faulty. Every time I lean from one side to the other, I almost slide off.","LORELAI: Do you want to switch seats?","RICHARD: Now Lorelai, you don't need to switch. Emily, your chair's fine. Just don't lean.","EMILY: I have to lean. This woman keeps rocking back and forth. It's like sitting behind Ray Charles.","MAN: Paris Eustace Geller.","LORELAI: Oh, Paris!","[They clap]","EMILY: I'm just saying you have pull. Use it. That's what parenting is.","LORELAI: Don't know if her family is here, I'm gonna take a picture for Rory.","EMILY: She looks up to you, and when a child looks up to you and has a difficult decision to make, you tell her what to do.","LORELAI: That's not how I do it.","EMILY: So you're just content...","RICHARD: Emily, please. Rory is next.","MAN: Roberta Gelson.","LORELAI: [To Chris] Honey, tell me what time it is. I told everyone I'd notice the exact time so that when we do the re-enactment they would have the...","RICHARD: Lorelai, I will note the time. I will take the photo. You just sit there and enjoy your daughter's graduation from Yale. This is as much your moment as Rory's. Enjoy it.","MAN: Lorelai Leigh Gilmore.","[Rory receves her diploma.]","LORELAI: Yay, Rory! [Lorelai yells out as she stands and claps over come with emotion, Rory looks over to see Lorelai and Chris standing and clapping.]","YALE","[Later, they are taking photo's, Chris is behind the camera.]","RICHARD: All right, everyone. Say \"Fromage.\"","LORELAI: Dad.","EMILY: Must you always do that?","LORELAI: Entertain them with that in the Great War?","CHRISTOPHER: [Takes the photo] Got it.","RICHARD: Excellent.","EMILY: All right what other combinations haven't we done?","RORY: Um, duh. Me, mom, and dad.","EMILY: \"Duh\"? That's our Yale graduate.","LORELAI: She meant \"Doy\".","RICHARD: All right. Everybody, everybody say...","AS A GROUP: Don't!","RICHARD: ...Whatever you like. [Takes the photo] Got it.","EMILY: Good, make sure you save it. You erased the last one.","RICHARD: I don't trust these things.","RORY: [Seeing Logan] I'll be right back.","CHRISTOPHER: Oh, Richard, Emily, can I get one with you guys?","[Meanwhile Rory approaches Logan, who is talking to someone.]","LOGAN: Thank you. Good to see you. [Too Rory] Hey. Congratulations.","RORY: Thanks.","LOGAN: Yeah you did great -- no tripping, no dropping the diploma.","RORY: No, nothing like that.","LOGAN: I remember when I graduated. I was a little tipsy -- that's a big surprise, huh? -- And I did trip, and I reached out and grabbed the robe of Marcia Hadley, who was so not the person to grab.","RORY: Logan... I'm sorry... I can't. I love you. You know how much I love you. I love the idea of being married to you... but... there are just a lot of things right now in my life that are undecided. And that used to scare me, but now I-I kind of like the idea that...it's just all kind of...wide open. And if I married you, it just wouldn't be.","LOGAN: So, what? I go to San Francisco, you stay on the east, and we see each other occasionally?","RORY: Well, we can try long distance. We've done it before.","LOGAN: You really think that's gonna work?","RORY: I think it would be hard, but...","LOGAN: I don't want to do that, Rory. I don't want to go backwards. If we can't take the next step...","RORY: What?","LOGAN: I mean...","RORY: Does it have to be all or nothing?","LOGAN: Yeah, it does.","RORY: But we could at least try.","LOGAN: What's the point?","RORY: So...","LOGAN: So... [Rory hand the engagement ring back, Logan reluctantly takes it.] goodbye, Rory.","[Logan walks away, Rory looks sad but not crying.]","PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT","RORY: Okay. Just one more trip.","LORELAI: No! I can't. This is why we don't exercise. It's too exhausting.","RORY: Well it wouldn't be so exhausting if we exercised.","LORELAI: Oh, darn your college-graduate logic. How you doing, honey?","RORY: Uh, okay.","LORELAI: Yeah?","RORY: Well, I'm not okay. I feel awful. I feel sick. I miss him already.","LORELAI: I know.","RORY: And it just sucks, you know, because I graduated today. This was supposed to be a happy day in my life, and now when I look back on it, I'm just gonna think about this horrible thing that happened.","LORELAI: I'm sorry. I think you made the right decision.","RORY: You do?","LORELAI: I do. Someday you'll meet someone, and you'll just know it's right. You won't want to hesitate. You'll just know.","RORY: I hope so.","LORELAI: I really do believe it.","RORY: So I guess no avocado trees.","LORELAI: Well, no avocado tree.","RORY: You know, I think I'll get my own avocado tree.","LORELAI: See? You could get your own cherry tree, get your own peanut tree, just have peanut butter all day long.","RORY: Peanuts don't grown on trees. They grow under the ground.","LORELAI: Whatever. My point is you can have anything you want.","RORY: Oh, yes. It's wide open.","[Rory takes the last box out, looks at the apartment one last time. Rory sighs as she turns out the light and closes the door.]","LORELAI: What do you mean, peanuts don't grow on trees?","RORY: Mom, trust me. I'm a college graduate."],"Show Title":"Gilmore Girls","Episode Number":"07x21","Episode Title":"Unto The Breach","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Glee_01x17.json","Recap":["When the \"Glist\" - a salacious list about the sexual exploits of the glee club members - circulates the halls of McKinley High, Will begins an investigation. He discovers Quinn to be the culprit, motivated by her distress at her loss of social status as a result of her pregnancy, but does not turn her in to Principal Figgins. Kurt, Mercedes, Artie, Tina and Brittany misbehave in an attempt to gain bad reputations, but their plans repeatedly backfire on them. Sue is mortified when a video of her rendition of Olivia Newton-John 's classic \" Physical \" is unearthed, but ends up being contacted by Newton-John herself to produce a new version."],"Transcript":["SCENE 1: Music Room-Some students are in the room. Students look at a computer with a laugh. We see that this is a video or a woman vigorously on a song. Finn, Rachel and Jesse arrive.","Finn: Why you marrez?","Rachel: You watch the video or not I get on stage at my first competition of mini-miss, I hope.","Kurt: No, that was just laughable compared to this amazing feat! (The others continue to giggle).","Jesse: It's \"physical\" by Olivia Newton-John.Ca clip is still a really innovative for its time, given its representation of bisexuality ...","Mercedes: Oh, I believe it! This is too funny, look!","Finn: But it's not Olivia Newton-John, it's Sue Sylvester! Or do you get that?","Kurt: ... What is certain is that I have certainly not stolen from a secret drawer of his desk when she sent for me its hormone replacement during training of leaders ... cheers-(Students have complied with laughter)","Artie: (between laughs). Wait, it do not come from a reel arm there?!","Finn: (approaching the computer). We must put it on the net!","Rachel: (stopping him). No, wait, you're sure it's a good idea, it could kill us if she found out ...","Mercedes: Come on, let him taste a little humiliation she has endured.","Jesse: I agree with Finn.Il must stop behaving like cowards, it's time to show the world that you're tough.","Finn: (Taking the computer). I paris what you want everyone to be seen by lunch.","SCENE 2: Sue-Lane High School students and dragged in the corridors Sue walks in the corridors and many students approach it.","Student: Well, miss Sylvester, anyone, a little dance?","Sue: You're not my type but I like your side goes inside. (She continues to walk and crosses two players).","Footballer: Well, Sue, your arm movements, it's hot! (He joined the action to the parole.Sue stops and starts comprendre.Elle takes a distraught air).","SCENE 3: Office-Figgins Figgins, Sue and Will","Sue: The glee club has stolen private property and posted it on the internet and as soon as I understood the nuance between attack and slander, I fully intend to complain.","Figgins: Sue ...","Will: Do not you think you are overreacting a bit?","Sue: I'd never noticed how your chin like a baby's ass, it's crazy! (Will sighs). This video has already received 170,000 comments, I took the liberty to print the most disgusting. (She gives a sheet Figgins).","Figgins: (reading aloud). \"The guy on this video looks like the famous coach-leaders of cheers, Sue Sylvester. \"","Sue: It's probably one of the most revolting.","Will: (laughing). You know, Sue, there's a lot of people qi love you in this school, my students do not make this stuff.","Sue: Well, well ... (she published two other leaves she gives Will and Figgins) ... exhibit.","Will: (stunned). What is this \"GList\"?","Sue: This is a list of glee club.Un weekly rankings of your dear students, based on criteria related to their popularity debauchery sexuels.Tout else has been there a heure.Apparemment, you earn 1 point for every act of depravity.","Will: (surprised). And what makes you say that this is one of my students who did this?","Figgins: The list was typed was the driver DLL and apparently, the password was \"glee club\".","Sue: Your nice little club is in fact nothing but a nest of perverts!","Figgins: Sue is right, Will.Pas later than last year, someone posted a similar list with the names of 10 of the ugliest red school! And the author was expelled if it was not a member of the teaching staff! (He turns to look at Sue).","Sue: I fully accept this list ...","Figgins: William, it's very serious, I can not accept a sexualized environment that students and undermines their self-esteem! Flashback-room music-Rachel Rachel sees the \"GList\" and the bed.","Rachel: (reading). \"Who's on top, which is the flop? \" She reads the sheet to the end and realizes she is last on the list, then it tears the GList. Back in the office Figgins","Sue: A week ago, if I had discovered a list of the glee club, I would have been embarrassed before we think about me, but now that I have experienced the nightmare of public humiliation, I know how much it hurts.","Figgins: William, High School \"Deton West ', last year, a picture of the headmaster was posted on the net.","Sue: And what was it?","Figgins: From women's lingerie!","Sue: And what was he doing?","Figgins: It was the pony!","Sue: And who was expelled?","Figgins: The whole school!","Sue: (talking to Will). Yes, the whole school has been expelled, Will!","Will: But what does that have to do with the kids?","Figgins: It has everything to do with the kids, Will.Vous need to find out who created this list and suspend the student before he begins, otherwise I will keep the whole choir to charge!","Will: (panicked). Are you serious?","Figgins: Oh yes, I'm serious, I do not want any nonsense of that kind in this school!","Sue: He does not want any nonsense of that kind in this school!","SCENE 4: Living-Will and music students Will stands before the students, looking serious.","Will: (showing the list). It's from that? (Students stare in silence). Extr\u00eanement This is serious, Figgins outright threat to dissolve the club.","Santana: And if we stopped this game, we all know that this is Puck.","Puck: Well, enters your claws, I not done anything.","Tina: So why your girlfriend is first on the list?","Rachel: And why I am the last, partly because of the fact that I refused to offer myself to you?","Will: (intervening). Ok, enough, we stop at that acccuser nimporte tort.Puck, seriously, it comes from you?","Puck: I told you not! Ok, I'm a rebel, I like to start fires and beating total strangers, yeah I agree ... But I'm not a liar!","Will: ... Look, the problem is that between this list and the posting of the video Mme.Sylvester, you start having bad reputation.","Artie: And why is it a problem? Maybe if we looked more dangerous, people stop throwing my glasses in the toilet!","Will: (starting to hand out sheets). I know that right now it's not easy, you're all very stressed because of regional, and I know that winning selections did not have much effect your reputation you would like. But turn you into what you hate, this is not the solution!","Mercedes: (after reading the paper). This song is rotten.","WILL: No, you got tort.C is one of the great songs in the list of tubes, which due to the weather and bad press have become ridicules.Et like you it's time to launder its bad reputation. Your work for each week is to find a song like this, to pick what is good in and of r\u00e9abiliter.Ensuite, with any luck, you can apply this song to your privacy.","Jesse: This song should be banned for abuse of crap. (Everyone laughs)","Will: (advancing to the piano). Want to bet? (Students giggle) Will sings \"Ice, Ice Baby.\" At the end, everyone applauded enthusiastically.","Will: This song has been officially handed to the taste of today! You're okay, Jesse?","Jesse: Ok, yeah! I admit defeat on this one.","SCENE 5: Hall of professors and other teachers Sue Most teachers are now coming in manger.Sue salle.Elle see that everyone looks laughing or making gestures recalling his video.","Sue thought: No, I must be being r\u00eaver.Les mocking laughter you hear in slow motion, are but the fruit of your imagination.Tu are Sue Sylvester, a legend, they laugh at you because of the video where you dance, calm down, calm down! Help yourself a little cawa quietly (she joined the action to the word), and refocuses up! A second, what's that smell?! (She feels his cup). Oh my god, it's the smell of coffee! Usually it is masked by the smell of fear ... Pity lord, all this is real? A room full of hurricanes lower than you're used to terrorize mocks thee indeed, in slow motion!","Professor: (interrupting her thoughts). Hi, my name is Brenda.Brenda Castle.J 'teaching at For-Wen but I've just been mutated ici.Je no longer have the right to teach in Indiana to because of an addiction to drugs and small excesses that led me to commit a shooting ... (Sue looks weird). I saw your video. (She laughs). And I must say that you are bouffones ... the worst we have ever seen! And coming from me it's something! (She continues to laugh and Sue goes).","SCENE 6: Corridor of the school-Rachel and Artie","Rachel: I'm going to need the help of audio visual club.","Artie: Why, you cooked something?","Rachel: See me like that in the last position of the GList me my image is evaluated in this \u00e9cole.Et more, I realized that in a society celebrating the rebels offenders or even the s*x tape, a reputable n 'valorisant.Artie was nothing, you know Schuester asked us to find a song with a bad reputation and r\u00e9abiliter? Well mine will allow me to have the worst reputation of any school. The Rachel Berry that you have before you will finally d\u00e9vergonder a bit.","Artie: Say no more, I'm OK since you mentioned the word \"s*x.\" I can help you.","Rachel: So hang on to your wheel well, because Rachel Berry is about to turn into a man-eater music by proxy.","SCENE 7: Kurt-room music, Tina, Mercedes, Artie and Brittany","Kurt: (addressing the group). My dear fellow ... I have invited you to this little meeting because our respective reputations are at risk. (Tina, Mercedes and Artie look at him wearily). We are year Phase terminal.","Mercedes: We are already dead, our names do not even appear on the damn list.","Kurt: What does Lindsay Lohan when her name does not appear in a newspaper people for over a week? It manages to cause a scandal so extreme that nobody can ignore it.","Artie: (raising his hand). Uh, sorry but, why she is here, it? (It means that Brittany is sitting alone in a corner).","Brittany: I have not changed since the end of the course of chant.J 'had a cold and I took all my antibiotics at the same temps.Maintenant, I remember how we l\u00e8ve.Et I know not why I am only the fourth liste.J 'kind I kissed everybody in this llyc\u00e9e.Les girls, guys, Mr. Kine, the janitor ... I must do something to reach the top 3.","Kurt: All right, you are taken ... (everyone sighs)","Mercedes: Kurt, for what? We even have a plan yet!","Kurt: What the worst thing a student can do in this school?","Tina: (ironically). Eat in the cafeteria? (She and Mercedes giggle).","Kurt: No! Cause disorder in the biblioth\u00e8que.Et I do not mean just to try to borrow a encyclop\u00e9die.Je talking about real anarchy is g\u00e9n\u00e9ralis\u00e9e.On cheek \"total glee\" on the shelves. (The others are beginning to approvewith smiles).","Artie: It takes a genius!","SCENE 8: Hospital, House of John's sister Sue and John","Sue: I never realized all the pain that teasing could causer.En especially when the jokes are going to ralenti.Je gives the impression of being invincible, but, damn ... (She puts her hand on his sister). John I'm sorry if you've ever felt \u00e7a.J 'you should have more protection.","John: But you do not remember what we were doing all the time, Sue?(Sue frowns). When I was a little sad, it would help the animal shelter to give love! (Sue's face lights up as if she had an idea).","Sue: Because there will always be someone less fortunate than us.","SCENE 9: Office of Emma-Sue and Emma","Emma: ... Or is it that your point exactly?","Sue: I was probably s\u00fbre.Tu're wondering what Sue Sylvester meant, when she tells you: I am your therapist Nouvele? (Emma nods). Well let me explain ... As you probably already know, I appear in a clip that was recently posted on the net.c is a video that tends to get people to laugh at me in slow motion .","Emma: (embarrassed). No ... I was not ... I was not aware ...","Sue: Well, this video has changed Sue Sylvester.Ele encouraged to give more love. It happens that I have an aster in psychologie.Et when I learned that the only psychologist Academy had committed suicide, and although I decided to graciously offer my services.Et I was given your nom.J 'would really give you a hand.","Emma: I'm not sure what to think.","Sue: Anna, you have a mental Maadie and you must soigner.Tes ridiculous compulsions prevent you from seeing a v\u00e9rit\u00e9.Tu're almost married a gym teacher who looks more like a pork roast than a man, and you let you do when the man you pretend to love lies to you constantly.","Emma: (surprised). I beg your pardon?","Sue: I paid the owner of listening to stash under the sofa the baby salon.Et under his bed, although it is s\u00fbr.Il drove shovels to the teacher's voice and that adrenaline is made impromptu sleepovers with this hot shorts is: April Rhodes.","Emma: (shocked and stunned). Oh my god!","Sue: We'll have to hit hard, my great. (She gets up, leans on the desk and approached Emma). You really sucks too!","Emma: Excuse me?","Sue: You make small strides ridiculous when you walk, as if you had growing up in Imperial Japan and you'd been tied ankles!","Emma: I take note of that remark.","Sue: Be a man, I'm trying to insult you and you refuse to defend yourself, and why? Because you seek to avoid confrontation!","Emma: You're right ...","Sue: If you want to get better, we must put you to express what you feel deep inside yourself! You to do and know Will Schuester what you really think! And in a public place, he can not escape. Or you manipuler.Fais trust me, you have to make him his birthday!","SCENE 10: Chamber of Puck and Rachel-Rachel","Rachel: You knew that we had given a nickname when you did together?\"Puckelberry\".","Puck: (playing with the affairs of Rachel). This is so humiliating.","Rachel: The fact is that ... go out with me ... has improved your r\u00e9putation.Ca gave you a certain level of humanity!","Puck: (rising). A minute, this is why you invited me? In order to get back together?","Rachel: I am not free and you sais.Mais I think I could help you. Help me with my song for club.Je am perhaps the last chance you have of being saved from your kicki ation and stay in chorale.Et then, did you need a song that you will sing all your unhappiness!","Puck: Did you intend to sing it exactly?","Rachel: (enthusiastic). I have chosen a title of David Guedes, the tube of the 70's so great, \"Run, Joey, Run\"!","Puck: Uh ...","Rachel: It tells a story, it means we can interpret the roles! I'll play the tragic heroine who dies in the end, so Nicole Kidman in \"Moulin Rouge\", and you can play the role of hero super sexy.","Puck: It is I who have nothing?","Rachel: Uh, well, actually it was my father who shot me with a gun.","Puck: (sighing and sitting on the bed). You think this is what have I done the GList, honestly?","Rachel: Well, we must recognize that it is your type, right?","Puck: I'm sick that I always judge a few small mistakes I have made ... (Rachel smiles, compassionate). I go to high school and I said: \"Be cool, Puck, do not bullshit! . \"Only an hour after I found a fire extinguisher in hand, trying to water a TOP type. (Rachel sits in turn on the bed). Without knowing what happened.","Rachel: I totally understand, yeah ... When I'm in glee club and I have to put imperfect interpretations, one after another and a litany of criticism begins to bubble in the middle like lava from a Volcano, I do what I can to say nothing but it always ends not explode! In general I'm right, admittedly, but ... it not improve my reputation.","Puck: It is true that it's annoying when you do it. (He laughs and gets closer to Rachel a little more).","Rachel: So, what do you think we should do to make people change their minds about us?","Puck: I do not know ... (He leans over to kiss him but a few millimeters from her face, Rachel pushes him away).","Rachel: No, stop, I can not do that!","Puck: You know, the guy who did this will put you in the first place if he knew that you were wrong with me ... Jessi (Rachel hesitates). And Jessi really never understand what it means to be Jewish. (It is repenche towards her but she rejects him again).","Rachel: No ... I ... I'm really fascinated by your image of bad boy but I think it is necessary that all that remains professional ...","Puck: (rising from bed and getting ready to go). Ok, without me, why I would stay even if you can not combine business with pleasure?","Rachel: But ... (she rises). Puck, I beg you aasseoir back and work together on the project ... OK? It will help us both, I promise ... right? (She takes his hand and leads him into the center of his room).","SCENE 11: In addition to the staff room and Emma-Sue Emma Sue leads by the hand along the wall outside the room professeurs.La room is full of teachers.","Emma: Wait, I'm not sure there arriver.T ''re sure it's a good idea?","Sue: Evidemment.Ne not think about him, this is for you that you do. (They arrive at the door of the room).","Emma: Ok ... Ok I will.","Sue: Oh, I can not go in there, there are people who laugh at me in slow motion inside.","Brenda: (arriving at their height). Oh, but look who's here, it seemed to me that I had felt a naff!","Sue: Do not start to annoy me with your dirty mouth or I'll tear your teeth one to one! (Emma attends the exchange without saying anything).","Brenda: Ok, I'm waiting, you will not be the first to have tried to confront you in me, cum otter! (It grows in va.Sue Sue then opened the staff room and brought Emma.Will chats with an old lady who looks back Emma).","Sue: (to Emma). Ready to play. (Emma advance in the room).","Emma: Excuse me!","Will: Oh, would you grant us a second, please?","Emma: Actually, non.Je can not give you a seconde.D\u00e9sol\u00e9e, you will have to submit your session tampering with Mrs. Carlisle later! (Will turns, as shocked as Mrs. Carlisle.Les other teachers watching the scene).","Will: Emma!","Ms. Carlisle: Oh, I beg your pardon? Mr Schuester and I were talking only of the recent death of my husband ... (She bursts into tears).","Emma: Wow! You the mugs directly to funerals, now! (Will is abasourdi.Les other teachers start to laugh. Emma speaks to the assembly). Nobody is immune, ladies, save yourselves!","Will: You can talk privately?","Emma: No! No, Will ... There's talk now because I have absolutely nothing to hide, you know? Besides, you knew I was following a therapy? You knew it or not? I tried to treat my OCD so that you and I are both! You think it's funny? Bah and no, it's very humiliating even, indeed! And meanwhile, you called you batifoles with Shelby? And you sleep with April Rhodes?","Will: Uh .... How did you know about this?","Emma: You deny it anyway! Well, I thought you wanted to make it work between us ... and when you have sdis that you needed a little time to see more clearly, I thought you were really sincere! But comedy has enough time, and now things are changer.J 'have decided to assert myself and never let me do ... You're a drag, Will! You're a slut! (The other teachers look away laughing). I say aloud, Will Schuester is a trail and everyone should know! (Talking to Will). And as for you, know that it's over between us! (The court then turned to Ms. Carlisle). I offer my condolences ... (She leaves).","SCENE 12: Library-the library manager, Kurt, Tina, Mercedes, Artie and Brittany Kurt, Tina, Mercedes, Artie and Brittany arrive at the library in costume very color\u00e9s.Kurt verifies there are people.","Mercedes: The rush hour has arrived!","Artie: I think I'm going to deflate ...","Brittany: You deflate where?","Leader: Hush!","Kurt: Ok friends, it is temps.Si we manage our time, we will be legends in the eyes of tous.Et will be on the GList, in the top 5 facile.Artie, volume maximum.Que the show! They begin to sing and dance on the song \"U can 'touch this.\" Initially, the librarian seems outraged.","Librarian: It was really mignon.Je'll talk to my pastor and see if you could interpret it come to the office on Sunday. (Students are broken).","SCENE 13: In the office of Will-Will and students in the choir Will takes each student individually to question them about the GList and discover responsable.A turn, students defend themselves, a little angry. Will and Finn","Will: Listen all this does not please me more than you, but if I do not find out who made the GList and I did not stop him from sending in another, the glee club will dissoout and I can not accept it.","Finn: Uh ... I know I looked angry lately and I kicking chairs from time to time but it was not me, I swear!","Will: All that proves is that you, Finn.Tu have decided to publish this list to take revenge of autres.Quinn you've broken my heart, you have been betrayed Puck, Kurt has stowed away his father with your mother and I know that ... Will and Mercedes","Will: ... everything has not always been rosy with Santana and Brittany.","Mercedes: I have absolutely nothing against Santana! And I like Brittany!It is Quinn who has a grudge against her!","Will: Acknowledges that a number of cheers on this liste.Et-leaders acknowledge that you always feel a little away from this group!","Mercedes: I do not know what you mean, and I love cheers-be leaders, and why everyone thinks I'm angry all the time, it's called having personality, sir! Will and Artie","Artie: It's a simple matter of logic, the list was up to 1m69 in height, so technically it can not be me! And I know for sure ... Will and Tina","Tina: ... I saw Puck display the list in the hallway. Will and Puck","Puck: What? I made the move, she was on the record of Rachel, so I took it off, a true mec.J EMMC was trying to be nice!","Will: Puck, you can not lie forever, then gives birth!","Puck: If it were me I would not put in issue 3, level rebellious attitude I'm number one so I repeat, I am innocent! Will and Brittany","Brittany: I did not know how to turn on the computer. Will and Quinn","Quinn: It was Rachel. (Will frowns). It's obvious, I stole the guy that it kiffait, and then the one with whom she went out to forget the guy that it kiffait.Et I a real bitch with her.","Will: No, it's not his style.","Quinn: I remind you that you have already lied before! And then you say that there is only one culprit? Will and Kurt Will slap of fists on the table.","WILL: I know you have information, you will not get out until I have answers! (Kurt looks without expressing any sense).","Kurt: Mr. Schuester, can I show live?","Will: (sigh). I'm listening.","Kurt: Since you are separated from your wife you spend most of your evenings in front of reruns of New York, police, does not it? (Will no response). I was s\u00fbr.Et, no, I have not done this GList.","Will: (discouraged). Ok ...","SCENE 14: Corridor of the school-Kurt, Tina, Mercedes and Artie","Kurt: We are as helpless as babies muppets.Ce which means our reputations wimps remained perfectly intact.","Artie: We have to do something you never fait.Un something even scarier than the personality of Rachel. (The others look interrogative). Must go to tell him that Ona Sylvester posted the video .","Tina: But ... We will get kicked!","Kurt: It may be worth the coup.Les other students will consider us as people finally ... dangerous ...","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE 15: Office of Sue-Sue Sue wrote in his diary.","Sue thought: Dear diary, I do not know how long I'll still endure this humiliation. (She emphasizes the word \"humiliation\". More than 3 million people have already seen my vid\u00e9o.Mon misfortune would it be a form ofrevenge for the way I treat people? (The phone rings, Sue sighed before landing).","Sue: Yeah, you talk to Sue.","Olivia Newton John: Hello, Sue? This is Olivia Newton John. (We see him talking on the phone in a limo). The star of Grease, the musical's most profitable of all time!","Sue: It's very funny, let me say that this is a ridiculous imitation! (She hangs up, Olivia's surprise).","Sue thought: Journal, I understood the le\u00e7on.Sue Sylvester should start to play nice, full-time. (The phone rings again, and Sue wins).","Olivia: Hi, it was cut, I crois.C is Olivia Newton John, I released a record seven titles have been number 1.","Sue: Sing one of your songs. (Olivia runs. She began singing \"Physical\". Sue can not believe it).","Olivia: This title was the biggest hit of the year 80.Ecoutez Sue, I realize now the opening ceremony of a reserve for koalas orphelins.Mais, I heard my daughter Chloe guffaw before a clip circulating on the net the other day and I saw your vid\u00e9o.Et, I had to ask you, what may well push someone to do something like that?","Sue: Well, to be honest, Olivia, this video was definitely not supposed to be made publique.Certaines fim\u00e9es people like to be in the process of sending into the air like rabbits, but I think it is that I fim\u00e9e rather be by reviewing the classics of dance aerobics.","Olivia: Well it made me r\u00e9fl\u00e9chir.Ce title was the biggest hit of my career, \"Physical\" stayed 10 weeks in first place.","Sue: Yeah, it's a classic.","Olivia: Oh, I agree. Only I bungled its release the video, which, incidentally, was the first music video in history, but there were all these obese pants tight, and it was perhaps a little song has extr\u00eame.La souffert.Mais then I saw your video on the net, Sue.Et I thought I could maybe even be through sauver.Peut vous.Je to go to Ohio for a work deemain deforestation Clean Islands.","Sue: Or you're getting?","SCENE 16: Corridor of the school-Will and some students and teachers Will walking down the hall and is approached by students and professeurs.Il crosses first a student.","Student: You assure Schuester!","Sue: Hi obsessed.","Brenda: Will Schuester?","Will: Yes?","Brenda: I'm Brenda Castle, the new professor of astronomy and badminton. (It takes one s arm and walked with him). It happens that I am also an alcoholic and addict m\u00e9docs.Il seems that this is your kind of femme.Si we went to this office to copulate?!","Will: (shocked). But no, finally! (He emerges and in va.Au passage, he met Figgins.)","Figgins: I pray you, William, we've all heard about your debauchery!","Will: (shouting). But nothing happened! (He turns and comes face to face with Ken.)","Ken: It's not the most important, Will.T 'have broken the heart of a poor woman who was suspicious of everyone already.","Will: I did not want to hurt anyone.","Ken: Like you did not want to hurt me, too. But now I have to eat 6000 calories kg-day if not I will forget my grief. (He leaves.)","Sue: Trail. (Will sighs).","SCENE 17: In front of the office of Sue-Kurt, Artie, Tina, Mercedes and Brittany","Artie: Remember, if Sylvester hits you after you for the video, above all, do not cry like a girl.","Mercedes: It's really brave what you do Kurt.","Kurt: I know ... thank you ...","Mercedes: (seeing Sue get off). Oh my god! (Kurt turns terrified and then walk up to it).","Kurt: Miss Sylvester, I could talk a minute?","Sue: What do you want?","Kurt: ... you certainly know that a video was posted by you the laughing stock of national ... (he takes a deep breath). Stolen tape in your special drawer syringes and was on is internet.Nous accept the punishment you deem necessary ...","Sue: So it was you ... (she starts to smile). I can not thank you enough. (Va.Kurt it in turns to the small group that awaits him, stunned).","SCENE 18: Kurt-Library, Tina, Artie, Brittany and Mercedes","Artie: So she was not angry at all? It is weird.","Tina: Maybe the reviews were radoucis.Et that people are beginning to have pity on her. And as they sympathize, they feel valued. Kurt looking on the net's video and Sue is another side: \"Physical video-Sue Sylvester and Olivia Newton John.\"","Kurt: Wait a second, take a look on it! They watch vid\u00e9o.Il is a new clip shot on \"Physical\" by Olivia Sue and homes with muscular doing sport.","Mercedes: Wow! More, more, more, more! (The others join it).","Kurt: I really need to learn to dance like them.","SCENE 19: Music Room-Will and students of the choir","Will: So ... Your young men will soon termin\u00e9e.Si attention.La week does not pass the guilty to confess, this whole situation will no longer depend moi.Et it will be the Principal Figgins slicing.","Finn: Seriously, Mr. Schuester, the one who made this list does denounce pas.On has only tighten the buttocks and wait for the penalty falls!","Will: (looks at students towers towers). Perfect ... Okay, so in this case, let's start! Rachel, we present your project in a bad reputation. (She gets up and gets put in front of everyone with a smile).","Rachel: I would like to say a few words before tout.Bien being aware that a movie has apropre s explanation, I know some here are not scholars of the complex language of art cin\u00e9atographique.Je obviously waiting for me to this video is completely above the head of instruct less of you. (Brittany smiles). Well, I just wanted to say ... I hope you enjoy my bad reputation!Light ... It's good. (It starts the video). On the video, Rachel performs \"Run Joey Run\", accompanied at first by Puck and Jesse Finn.Quand boys discover that Rachel has \"betrayed\" for the clip, he is stunned and in the end col\u00e8re.A film, only Rachel Quinn, Brittany and Santana applaudissent.Rachel gets up to once again put before the lights groupe.Les reviennent.Puck, Jesse and Finn look edgy.","Rachel: Well, we just have to ... take a minute or two to absorb what we have to look!","Finn: What is this sh1t?!","Will: Finn!","Puck: No, he's right! Already I have to learn to listen to me more because I knew that no recording to sh1t!","Will: (trying to intervene). Puck!","Jesse: Why hast thou not said they would also play into it?! I thought we were going out! Share the bill with two other guys who also interpret the role of your boyfriend, I find it mortifying!","Rachel: It was an art prize party!","Finn: No, not at all! You just wanted to give the impression that many guys you turn around and never seem like a marginal and give you a picture of a gun singer and shameless! (Finn gets up and comes just before it). I can not believe you've done something like that ... To me and autres.Tu not tell me that your reputation is more valuable than your friends! (He leaves, followed not Jesse). Jesse, waiting!","SCENE 20: Hospital-House of John and Sue Jean Sue is lying on the bed with John.","John: I saw your clip, Sue.Tu are sensational!","Sue: Thank you, Jean.Tu always manages to find the right words to comfort me when I perdue.Tout what I need is to change your attitude! I had forgotten how good it was to give love ... I worried so much about what everyone would be able to think well of me! While there is only one person in the world, I want to impress.","John: Who?","Sue: Who? You idiot! And when I returned to the cafeteria for teachers, yesterday, I have calmly informed my meteoric rise as surprising as in show biz, and I told them very politely that I had nothing to do with thatthey thought of me! -Flashback-Sue staffroom and other teachers Sue waving papers","Sue: What do I see? Gosh! Sue Sylvester has a clip on a tube placed in the top 700 band rednecks! Then they laugh more, eh? Back to the hospital","Sue: Because Olivia NJ has already given his recipe for freshwater manatees, I decided to leave the int\u00e9gralit\u00e9s of my profits to retraite.Ah this house, this is not much ... I was literally f*cked Oivia in the negotiations ... I'll dance with her again, that's for sure! But certainly good enough to pay it a few benches behind the summer. Maybe even a vegetable garden, or you shall grow your vegetables!","John: That would be really cool!","Sue: Yeah ... After all these years, how it is possible that you always know in more than me about these topics?","John: I'm the smartest. (Sue laughs).","Sue: And the prettiest, too, it's disgusting!","John: Oh, thank you ...","Sue: Well, if we read a story? (She takes out a book).","John: Ok!","Sue: (showing the front cover). You see, in these two little bears?","John: It's you and me?","Sue: Exactly, I'm big.","John: And I'm small.","Sue: Yes, and you you're the petit.Et what is written?","Jean: (reading). \"I will always love you.\"","Sue: And I also love you. Always ...","SCENE 21: Office of Will and Emma-Emma Will arrives in the office of Emma with a bouquet of flowers.","Will: Hi. (He closes the door). I brought you flowers ... (He hands her the bouquet).","Emma: (taking the bouquet). They are very nice, thank you.","Will: (sitting). Uh ... I f*cked up, Emma.Je believe in all this ... discovery of myself, I had to make some bad d\u00e9tours.Et I comprens that these deviations ... stink ... have ... blesser.Mais you, now I know that's not what I want at the bottom of moi.Ni ... or what ever I want.","Emma: I know what is supposed to happen maintenant.Je'm supposed to smile and see how you discovered about yourself and rejoice that so much to you to hold me, but ... I can not.","Will: But, I assure you Emma, I feel too mal.Et I want ... I want you to see me again as you saw me before.","Emma: I can not ... you know ... But it's a good bar.c 'is true, if you really want it to work one day between us, so ... should we start to see themselves as that it is actually both. (Will sighs). Thanks for the flowers. Leaving the hall, Will observes Quinn.Elle is jostled by everyone.","SCENE 22: Music Room-Quinn and Will","Will: I know it was you who made the list.","Quinn: You have no proof! I can not believe you wanted me to blame! I'm going to evict! After all, it would logique.Je mean, all I had before I perdu.Ma popularity, have my little, my beautiful body, then throw as much ... with my education!","Will: You know when I knew it was you? (Quinn shook his head negatively). By the time I saw what it was like to be in your situation.Ca takes years to get a good r\u00e9putation.Mais just a few seconds for the wrong decision and we d\u00e9truire.Une changes from top to bottom ... trou.Tu've lost so much, Quinn, eh? Autreent said, it was you who had the most to gain from this GList.","Quinn: (starting to cry). I swear I did not want to hurt anyone!","Will: I know ...","Quinn: I was captain of the team-leaders of cheers, club president of abstinence, I had Finn ... The crowd parted like the first two red when I crossed the couloir.Mais I became invisible.","Will: And ... you think being seen as an easy girl that is better?","Quinn: A bad reputation is better than no reputation at all.","Will: (sigh). I know it seems like life stops at your high school \u00e2ge.Mais this is not the case! You'll give this baby to a family that really wants, which will like very much! And then you will live a unique Quinn, I promise.","Quinn: Do you really think I can get any one day?","Will: No! I think you can still have mieux.Je mean, after all, you're Quinn Fabray, sh1t! (Quinn smiles). The crowd parted not only Mantua, the obligeais you to deviate just by your attitude!","Quinn: Thank you sir are a prf Schuester.Vous great, even if everyone says you are wave drag. Figgins enters the room.","Figgins: vouiez You see me, William? You have discovered that this creates GList? (He notes that Quinn dry her tears).","Will: Non.J 'I asked all my students and ... kedal.Aucun has confessed to fait.Et to be quite honest, I think.","Figgins: (turning his attention to Will). Do not try to butter me up. I refuse to let this school taken hostage by enfantilages so.","Will: I know, and ... your message is pass\u00e9.L author recommenc\u00e9.On should not be content with this victory and forget about it.","Figgins: (looking again Quinn). Perfect ... (He wears his look at Will). I always pray for you, Will. (He leaves).","Quinn: Thank you.","SCENE 23: Corridor of the school-Rachel and Jesse Rachel opened her casier.En the closing, she contaste that Jesse is right next to it.","Rachel: Hi ... uh ... you're still angry against me?","Jesse: Before I transferred here to make out with you, I inquired about the image people had of you in this school.","Rachel: And ... what did they say?","Jesse: Most knew who you were. Those who knew said that you had damn good air quality but that was canceled by your need to always be right and your strange fascination with wearing sweaters with animals it. (Rachel looks at her clothes but keep your head up). But the most interesting is that, although there was not many people that you really like, they all said that you were someone confidence.","Rachel: I still am, believe me! I suffer from a pathological need to be popular, OK? I really want everyone thinks I'm cool I admit it can sometimes distort my jugement.Mais as a future star, I'm sure you too Paux understand that!","Jesse: As a future star, Yes.but as a guy who has everything to do with you planted its elected I just can not pardonner.J you 'should have enough for you, Rachel!","Rachel: I knew you would break my heart.","Jesse: That's what's funny with the wave r\u00e9putations.Tout sees me as a heart-breaker, but the truth, ultimately, is that you broke mine before. (Rachel seems to regret it it did). do me a favor, if we find ourselves side by side at the helm of the dance club this week, do your arabesques and your stakes in silence, and especially do not talk to me. (He va.Rachel, disoriented remains stuck doing nothing).","SCENE 24: Music Hall-The whole group Rachel sang the song \"Total Eclipse of the Heart\", accompanied by Jesse, Puck and Finn.A the end of the song, everyone goes, including Jesse, leaving Rachel alone with Will and musicians."],"Show Title":"Glee","Episode Number":"01x17","Episode Title":"Bad Reputation","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Gossip_Girl_1x18.json","Recap":["With her best friend Serena's life and reputation on the line, Blair decides to take matters into her own hands in dealing with the manipulative and evil Georgina Sparks. With Rufus never far from her thoughts, Lily prepares for her wedding day which is destined to be the Upper East Side's social event of the year. Serena finally pours out her heart and the truth about her past to Dan, but will it prove to be too late to save their relationship? And Chuck admits his feelings for Blair to Nate, allowing the two of them to mend their friendship. Heiress and model Lydia Hearst guest stars in the episode as Amelia, Lily's interior decorator."],"Transcript":["PREVIOUSLY","Georgina, to Dan: The moment I met you, I've been falling for you.","Chuck: Why don't you just tell Dan about her?","Serena: Because she has that tape of me, and she'll use it.","Chuck, to Blair: You held a certain fascination when you were beautiful. I don't want you anymore.","Serena, of Chuck and Blair: Eventually the two of you are gonna have to work out your issues.","Blair: What if I told you I knew where Georgina Sparks was?","Chuck: I'd say let's get the bitch.","Serena, in Queens: Thank God you called, I'm here looking for you right now. Where are you?","Georgina, on Dan's phone: With me.","Serena: What are you gonna do?","Georgina: It's not what I'm gonna do, it's who I'm gonna do it with.","Nate: The drugs were Dad's...","Anne: Your father is facing some other charges.","Bart: Would you do me the honor of being my wife?","Lily, of Bart: He proposed before we left, and I'm going to say yes.","Rufus: I'm sure you'll make a beautiful bride.","(They kiss.)","Georgina: You don't mind missing the after party?","Dan: There's no place I'd rather be.","(They kiss.)","Gossip Girl: \"And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell. You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl.\"","ACT ONE","(Wandering Central Park, looking insane!)","Serena, on voicemail: Hey, Dan. I've been trying to reach you all night. I know it's early -- or late, if you haven't slept, like me -- but um, I'm pretty sure after this message I will have officially filled your voice mail, so uh... I'm, I'm coming over.","(She hails a cab.)","(Waking up in bed together!)","Rufus, answering phone: Hello?","Lily, waking: Who is it?","Rufus: Hello. Yeah, this is Rufus... Wow. I'd have to check with the guys, but I'm pretty sure we're available. Yeah, okay...","Lily, sitting up: Oh my God.","Rufus, hanging up: Oh my God.","Lily: ...What?","Rufus: I just got the call. Lincoln Hawk is hitting the road, we're opening for the Breeders. I guess that Luscious Jackson reunion didn't work out... Wait, what was your oh my God?","Lily, at the curtains: Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. It's day. As in, uh, as in wedding day, as in, uh... My. Wedding day.","Rufus: Right.","Lily: But, uh, congratulations.","Rufus: Thanks.","Lily: No, thank you, uh, for last night. It was, uh...","Rufus: -- Amazing.","(Her phone rings, he picks it up.)","Rufus: It's Bart.","Lily: That's what I was afraid of.","Rufus: Do you want me to answer it?","Lily: Do you want me to kill you? (Answering) Hello? No, I know. um... Well, that's because we're not supposed to see each other on the day of the wedding... Okay, that's fine. I'll meet you in an hour. (Rings off) I don't know what Bart wants, but I have to go, um, talk to him.","Rufus: What about? Any topics in particular?","Lily: Well, I'm sure I'll think of something.","(Waking up in bed together!)","Chuck, waking up to a smack: Ow!","Blair, jumping around: Who? What? When? Where? Why?","Chuck: We were up late plotting against Georgina. We must have dozed off.","Blair: And you were on the floor.","Chuck: Didn't want to hurt my back.","Blair: Why? It's not like you ever do anything athletic.","Chuck: Well, that's not entirely true, now is it?","Blair: Fine. Nothing that requires you removing your scarf.","Chuck: That was one time, it was chilly.","Blair: Enough about the past. Before you landed in my bed, we actually landed on a good idea.","Chuck, jumping into his jacket: Well, I trust you can take it from here. I have a best man speech to write, and no time to write it.","Blair: Don't worry. I can be bitch enough for both of us.","Chuck: I still got the scars on my back to prove it. (She shoves him out.) You know, they say if you love something, you should set it free...","Blair: Ugh. They say when you hate something, you should slam the door in its face.","Chuck: I love it when you talk dirty, Blair...","(She slams the door in his face.)","(Jogging in the Park, drug-free!)","Nate: Wow! A stint in rehab sure didn't slow you down a bit, huh?","Captain: I haven't felt this good in years. Clean and sober. Lawyer's feeling great about the trial.","Nate: Nice. Well, sometimes things just work out, huh?","Captain: Sometimes they do. We can celebrate tonight at the wedding.","Nate: When's, uh, when's Mom getting back from the Hamptons?","Captain: She's not gonna make it. The landscapers royally screwed up the yard. Apparently all our shrubs look like circus bears...","Nate: She's gonna miss the wedding to deal with that?","Captain: That, and, uh, the leak we had in the basement. Place is a mess.","Nate: I just, um, I was kinda hoping both you guys could meet Vanessa.","Captain: Oh, right. Right, I forgot you had a date.","Nate: Well, you and I can just hang till then...","Captain: The Yankees are on today. Joba's pitching lights out right now.","Nate: All right, sounds good.","Captain, answering his phone: I gotta take this. It's my sponsor.","Nate: Oh, sorry. Um, I'll just see you at home then?","Captain, alone: Hey, it's me. Yes, yes. Everything is discussed. Don't be late, don't be early. I'll slip out right after the ceremony. Just be there, waiting.","(S finally finds the loft!)","Serena, kissing him: Hey. Mm. I'm sorry. I know it's early, but I couldn't sleep. I had to see you, and you're here, which means you slept here, which is a relief, but not a surprise...","Georgina: Serena...","Serena: -- But that is surprising.","Gossip Girl: \"They say love conquers all, but maybe love never met Georgina Sparks. Poor Humphrey. Looks like our resident moral compass isn't such a straight arrow after all.\"","ACT TWO","(Tension in DUMBO!)","Georgina: Serena, I'm sorry. The way Dan was talking, I thought it was over...","Serena, to Dan: Over?","Dan: Maybe not exactly \"over,\" but...","Georgina: I should go. This is not what I had planned.","Serena: No, I think it's exactly what you had planned.","Dan: Serena, this is not Sarah's fault.","Serena: No, it's Georgina's!","Dan: Whatever.","Georgina: I never meant to get in between you two, I swear.","Dan: Hey, please. It's okay.","Georgina: No it's not, because now she's upset.","Serena, attacking: Yeah I am, you manipulative psycho bitch!","Dan: Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing? Serena!","Serena: You have been planning this the whole time! She's lying to you, Dan!","Georgina, leaving: Goodbye, Dan.","Serena: I am telling him everything.","Dan: Tell me what? What is it that you need to tell me?","(Later.)","Serena: So my mom took me to see his parents. And after talking to them, all I wanted was to come and find you, and tell you everything. Do you hate me?","Dan: No. No, no, of course not, it's ... It's just ... It's, uh, a lot. And I ... I really, really wish that you told me this sooner.","Serena: No, I... I know it's my fault. I... I was just so scared.","Dan: I get it. I get it. I mean, \"Hey, I think I killed someone, and I'm being blackmailed by a crazy girl pretending to be someone else\" doesn't quite ... roll off the tongue.","Serena: But it's all over, right? I mean, we can fix this?","Dan: Serena, I... Last night...","Serena, standing to leave: -- It's okay. You and Georgina and Vanessa were just hanging out, and it got late, and you fell asleep. I'll see you at the wedding? (At the door.) When I told my mom not to go away with Rufus, I said it was because you and I were forever. I knew I was right.","(S leaves, Dan calls B.)","Blair: Hello?","Dan: Blair. It's Dan...","(In a big metaphorical and literal building.)","Lily: Bart, darling. What is the big mystery? What are we doing here?","Bart: This is the first building I ever bought.","Lily: Well, it's quite impressive. You had a good eye even... Even back then.","Bart: Sometimes I like to come here, just to... Feel how it felt the first time I saw it.","Lily: Well, there is a comfort in revisiting the things that we loved ... when we were young.","Bart: But the truth is, I'm not that young man anymore. I think maybe I've outgrown this place, and holding onto it is keeping me from moving forward with what's most important to me now. What do you think I should do?","Lily: I think you should let it go.","Bart: I agree. Now can you do the same for me?","(Plotting with Queen B.)","Georgina, on her voicemail: \"Hey, it's Sarah, you know what to do.\"","Dan: Voice mail.","Blair: Okay, like we talked about.","Dan: Hey, hey, it's me. D. Um, after you left, Serena and I got in a huge fight, and... And she said all this crazy stuff. I honestly don't know what to believe, but... But what I do know is I want to see you. So, uh, call me. (Hangs up.)","Blair: Excellent work. She's totally calling back.","Dan: This is so weird. I don't normally do plots against people.","Blair: Don't worry, virgin. I'll talk you through it. (G calls back.) Right on schedule.","Dan, answering: Hey.","Georgina, in a towncar: Hey. I just got your message.","Dan: Oh, good, good. So... Sorry about this morning with Serena. That was very awkward, to say the least.","Dan: Yeah, a little bit. Last night really changed things for me. Serena and I left things kind of uncertain, so I... I think I wanna end it. I know I do. Will you meet me?","Georgina: Our spot in the Park by the pond?","Dan, hanging up: See you there.","Georgina, to driver: We're turning around. One last battle, and the war is won.","Blair: Humphrey, you are a born liar.","Dan: Thanks, I think.","Blair: All that stuff about last night was genius. Anything you wanna tell me?","Dan: Uh, no. Like you said, just born to lie.","(Their spot in the Park by the pond.)","Georgina: Honestly, Dan, last night was fun, but I didn't really know what it would all mean to you.","Dan: Well, I... I normally don't jump into things like that, so when I do, it means a lot.","Georgina, taking his hand: Me, too. That's why I think we should be together forever...","Dan: Georgina. Look, Serena told me everything. All right? And I believe her.","Georgina: No, you don't understand. She was upset, and... And jealous. I'm sure she told you all kinds of things to make you think the worst of me...","Dan: -- No, just stop it.","Georgina: I never meant for this to happen, but it did. And I know you feel it too, I mean, how else do you explain last night?","Dan: I don't know. I don't know, and I wish I could.","Georgina: So you're just gonna go back to Serena like nothing happened, and just leave me all alone?","Blair, appearing behind her: Oh, you're not alone, G. I'm here now, and I brought some people who really, really want to see you. I think you remember your parents?","Gossip Girl: \"The only thing feared by the spawn of Satan? Mom and Dad. Leave it to Blair Waldorf to know that bitches don't just happen...\"","Georgina: I...","Gossip Girl: \"...They're made, by parents even more wicked than their offspring.\"","Georgina: Okay, I'm ... Mom, Dad, this is not what you think. You have to believe me.","Blair: There, there, Georgie. It's gonna be okay...","Mrs. Sparks: -- No, this time, it won't.","Blair: ...Or it won't. Your parents were so worried, G! They told me everything! How you're supposed to be on the equestrian circuit, but sold your show pony for cocaine...","Georgina: That was a difficult time, but I... I've put that behind me.","Blair: When? When you were in rehab? It's hard to get clean when you hitchhike into town, steal a credit card and book a ticket to Ibiza.","Georgina: You didn't see where they sent me, I mean, that place was awful! It was... It was in Utah! At least I lasted longer than Lohan.","Mrs. Sparks: We were trying to help.","Georgina: I've had enough. I have to go.","Mr. Sparks: Georgina, stop.","Blair, handing her a brochure for \"PENANCE!\": Yes. Stay, Georgina. I'll go. Oh, that reminds me. I almost forgot to leave you the information that I discussed with your parents.","Georgina: What's this?","Mr. Sparks: Where you're going.","Mrs. Sparks: A boot camp for troubled girls.","Mr. Sparks: Blair was kind enough to do some research.","Blair, whispering: Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here. (Brightly.) Have fun at reform school!","ACT THREE","(The Humphrey Men of DUMBO.)","Dan: So how long you gonna be on the road?","Rufus: Well, I'll get the details. We'll figure it all out. But it's kinda cool, right?","Dan: Oh, it's very cool.","Rufus: Affirmation from my son. This is an historic moment.","Dan: Well, last night must have been pretty historic as well, considering when I came home, you hadn't.","Rufus: Yeah, last night was pretty special.","Dan: I'm sorry I skipped out early, by the way, Dad. I... I'd love to hear all about it, but I have a... Uh, a wedding. The wedding.","Rufus: Right. The wedding. Of course. So it's, uh, it's happening.","Dan: Yeah. Yeah, Dad. It is. (Standing.) Serena told me something about you and Lily. I... I don't understand it fully, but the reason Lily stayed away is because Serena asked her to.","Rufus, leaving: ...Thanks, Dan. That's, uh... Well, just thanks.","(V and Little J enter to show Dan V in the hideous dress Jenny just made.)","Jenny: Check out my latest creation. What do you think?","Dan: You clean up nice, Abrams.","(Not really. She grins sweetly anyway.)","(Blair gets out of a car in an even more hideous dress and enters the wedding, which is all a-bustle. Chuck is being thoughtful.)","Blair: Best man speech going that well?","Chuck: There won't be a dry eye in the house. Trust me. How did things go with Whorgina?","Blair: Not a dry eye there either.","Chuck: Good to know I wasn't missed.","Blair: Dan Humphrey actually lent a hand, it was nice to see him get his dirty for once. Not sure how much fun he had, though.","Chuck: No one ever enjoys their first time. Except you. () Save me a dance?","Blair, grabbing his throat: Now that Georgina is done, so are you and I. She was the last thing we had in common. (Kicking him in the shin and bouncing.) Break a leg.","Chuck: I think I just did...","(In front, while Eric deals with the wedding planner, the Archibalds arrive.)","Captain: There he is. Best man ready to do his Dad proud?","Chuck: Captain, good to see you. ...Nate.","(Nate stares angrily at Chuck.)","Captain: Clearly, I missed something when I was away. Little advice, fellas? You've been friends a long time. Whoever she is, she's not worth it.","Chuck: Couldn't agree more.","Nate: That's the problem.","(Upstairs, B locates S for an impromptu pre-wedding ugly dress party.)","Serena: Hey.","Blair: Hey. How go the prenuptials?","Serena: Well, my Mom's done this enough times. You'd think she'd be a pro by now, but I don't know. Her heart doesn't really seem in it.","Blair: You think this will be us in twenty years, onto our fourth husbands?","Serena: A girl can dream.","Blair: Speaking of true love... Dan isn't here?","Serena: He's coming.","Blair: So all is forgiven?","Serena: I'm working on it...","Blair: What do you have to work on? He's the one that has to forgive you.","Serena: Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm working on.","(The Captain meets Dealer across the street from a huge society wedding in plain sight.)","Captain: You were supposed to get here during the reception so no one would know I was gone. You don't exactly blend in, you know?","Dealer: You gonna pay me or not?","Captain: Here.","Dealer: Good-bye.","(Chuck notes the deal and calls an usher over.)","Chuck: Do me a favor and keep an eye on Mr. Archibald.","(Lily, in her wedding gown, gulps white wine and puts on her diamond bracelet.)","Rufus, appearing: Need a hand with that?","ACT FOUR","Lily: Rufus, what are you doing here? I thought we had security.","Rufus: You want them to throw me out?","Lily: Well, I'd like the option, considering how much I'm paying them.","Rufus, attaching her bracelet: So you want me to leave?","Lily: I didn't say that.","Rufus: Do you want me to call off this wedding? And if you so much as nod yes, I will go out there and I will tell your fianc\u00e9 and your guests they have go home.","Lily, charmed: I didn't say that either.","Rufus: We can figure this out.","Lily: -- How can we? It's been twenty years, and I don't think this is the moment to hash out the details. Look, we've already had the morning after today, what's gonna happen tomorrow morning?","Rufus: Lil, I just got a divorce. I don't wanna get married again, at least, not right away.","Lily, standing with her wine: But I do. I've been alone for quite a while now, and you know what? It's hard. And I love Bart. Not just because he has money -- I have enough money. Not that you can ever have enough money, but... I'm rambling. And I'm nervous, and ... You make me nervous.","Rufus: That's a good thing, right?","Lily: There are just too many questions, too many. What about Dan and Serena?","Rufus: Whatever their feelings are for each other, if we're standing here twenty years in the making...","Lily: Yeah, those twenty years... They have to count for something, don't they?","Rufus: I think they count for everything.","(At the altar.)","Eric: Where's my Mom? Shouldn't we be saying vows around now?","Bart: Your mother is a wonderful woman, Eric, but being on time? Not a strong suit.","(Dan and Vanessa arrive.)","Vanessa: Let's pray Lily is as slow getting dressed as you are.","Dan: You said you knew how to make a tie.","Vanessa: How would I know how to make a tie?","Dan: I hope Serena doesn't kill me.","Vanessa: For being a few minutes late to her Mom's wedding?","Dan: Well, that... Amongst other things. I really have to talk to her.","Vanessa: Let me guess, Georgina?","Dan: I thought if I confronted her, it would make things better.","Vanessa: But it didn't, and now...","Dan: I have to tell her.","Vanessa, spotting S: No time like the present. I... I'm gonna find my seat, okay?","Serena: Hey.","Dan: Hey. Hey. I have to talk to you.","Serena: I can't. I have to go.","Dan: No, it... It can't wait. It's about Georgina.","Serena: Dan, it's okay. I don't wanna know.","Dan: No, you need to. I didn't sleep with her.","Serena, relieved: Oh. Well then...","Dan: But... I may as well have.","Planner, approaching: Serena, there you are. Come. Yeah? Come, come, come.","Serena, freaked: I have to go...","(Rufus and Lily step out into the hall.)","Rufus: And here we go. Are you sure about this?","Lily: Ask me again, and I'll change my mind.","Rufus, taking her hand: I love you, Lily.","Lily: I love you, too, Rufus.","Rufus: ...And have a great wedding. And try not to trip or anything.","Lily, stepping out: Oh! I can't believe you put that in my mind. ...Well, luckily I have done this before.","(Vanessa finds her seat.)","Nate, hugging her: Hey!","Blair, gawking: Oh! How rude! Can you believe how late she is?","(Sad Serena leads the walk up the aisle in her hideous dress, followed by Lily. Bart is happy but stoic as usual. Chuck squeezes Bart's arm awesomely. Eric is sad.)","Gossip Girl, speaking along with the reverend: \"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the face of this company to watch this man (Dan) and this woman (Serena) ... totally eff things up. Excuse me while I pull out a hankie and pass it to S and D. Looks like I'm not the only one who cries at weddings...\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","ACT FIVE","(Reception: Lily is bored; at another table, S picks at her food.)","Dan: How's your food?","Serena: Good. Thanks.","Dan: I was being sarcastic. You haven't eaten a bite. Let's go somewhere quiet. We can talk.","Serena, leaving: Excuse me. I need some air.","(The usher-waiter from earlier whispers to Chuck at Bart and Lily's table.)","Chuck: You sure? (Breathes; to Bart.) I'll be right back.","Chuck, at Nate's table with V: I need to talk to you. Your father's leaving.","Nate: He just stepped out to call my Mom.","Vanessa: Everything okay?","Nate: Yes.","Chuck: -- No.","(N takes C aside.)","Chuck: He just asked to have his car brought around.","Nate: He probably left his phone in it!","Chuck: Before the ceremony, I saw him with a guy, doing a deal. It looked like drugs.","Nate: My father is clean, Chuck. I don't need you spying on him...","Chuck: -- Look, I know you hate me. I was in love with Blair, and I'm sorry. We do not have time to argue about this.","(Nate decides he's telling the truth and leaves; Chuck follows; V is all WTF at the table.)","(Outside, Nate chases down the Captain's towncar.)","Nate: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Stop! Stop! Stop! Dad, what the hell are you doing?","Captain: I left you a note at home.","Nate: Yeah? What's it say?","Captain: It says I'm sorry.","Nate: For what? Dad, if you've relapsed, it's okay. We'll get you help. Chuck saw you earlier...","Captain, opening the envelope: I wasn't buying drugs.","Nate: A passport? You're skipping town?","Captain: I'm gonna be a much better father to you from Dominica than I will be from jail.","Nate: No, Dad. I know you're scared, but we'll get through the trial.","Captain: No we won't! I'm guilty, Nate. I'm facing twenty-five years.","Nate, crying: So all this stuff about things looking good and working out, huh?","Captain: Yeah.","Nate: What about Mom?","Captain: Who do you think's paying for the private plane?","Nate: Why didn't you tell me any of this?","Captain: 'Cause I didn't want you to know anything, be an accessory. This is the best thing for everyone. I need you to step up right now. Be the man of the family for your mother.","Nate, walking away: It's been that for a while now.","Captain, touching his shoulder: Nate...","Nate, dropping him: That's for Mom.","(Back at the reception, B sits down to torture V.)","Blair: Looks like Nate isn't a fan of the fish... Or his date.","Vanessa: Blair, I'm with Nate and you're at the singles table. Deal with it.","Blair: I just feel sorry for you is all. Dating an Archibald is a tortured process. The endless supply of family drama, the fact that he never really got over Serena... Though, falling for someone who's in love with Serena, you already know how that feels, don't you?","Eric: Hey, have you guys seen Chuck? It's time for his speech.","Vanessa: I'll look for him. (Pointedly, to Blair.) Maybe he's with my date. Excuse me.","(Outside.)","Nate: So. Thank you.","Chuck: It's your Dad, it's bigger than... All the other stuff.","Nate, shaking his hand: I'm sorry... For all of it.","Chuck: So am I.","Nate: ...So you said you loved her. It's, uh... I never heard you say that before. About anyone.","Chuck: Ready to go back in?","Nate: I don't think I'm going back in. Just, um, tell Vanessa I ...","Vanessa, appearing: -- Tell Vanessa what? (To Chuck, who leaves.) They're looking for you inside.","Nate: It's a long story.","Vanessa: I have time.","(Nighttime. Dan approaches Serena in the empty seats from the wedding.)","Dan, pushing her down: No. Hey, hey, don't... Don't run away from me.","Serena: Dan, it's okay. So, you hooked up with Georgina, I kinda figured that when I saw her coming out of your bedroom this morning, but... I'm willing to let it go. I don't wanna break up with you.","Dan: Maybe... Maybe I want to break up with you. Maybe I can't just let it go. You lied to me over and over. And it was easy for you.","Serena: No, it wasn't easy...","Dan: I got seduced by a girl pretending to be someone else, and you knew...","Serena: -- But I couldn't say anything!","Dan: Well, because you... You were afraid I'd find out you thought you killed someone.","Serena: I was hoping you'd understand.","Dan: I am the most understanding person in the world. But this? And, and, and this is not about who you used to be, your past, or who you were when we met. I mean, the only reason I was with Georgina was because yesterday morning you slept with two random guys you met in a bar.","Serena: No, no, I ... I didn't. I just said that.","Dan: ...How is that less crazy?","Serena: Because I thought it would be easier to forgive than what I really did.","(No response.)","Serena: So what, Dan? We're exactly where we were at the Bass's brunch when we first started dating? I'm not who you thought I was, and you can't forgive that.","Dan: I... I just think too much has happened. I don't know how to make things go back to what they were.","Serena: So that's it then? It's just... Have a good summer, I'll see you back at school?","Dan: I guess. Yeah.","(She walks away.)","(The Toast, which B watches intently.)","Chuck, clinking his glass: I'd like to propose a toast. My father is someone who goes after what he wants, and Lily van der Woodsen was no exception. In typical Bass man fashion, his pursuit was direct and at times, not exactly subtle. One thing I learned from my father's courtship of Lily is the importance of perseverance. That in the face of true love, you don't just give up, even if the object of your affection is begging you to. And one thing I learned from Lily is the importance of forgiveness. She gave my father the gift of a second chance. And in kind, I've watched him become someone actually worthy of that gift. And one day, I hope I'll be lucky enough to find someone who will do the same for me.","(Serena enters, feeling cruddy; Lily takes her hand.)","Chuck: To the happy couple!","(While Lily and Bart have their first dance, B approaches C in the corner.)","Blair: That was quite a speech. All your hard work must have paid off.","Chuck, dancing her onto the floor: That wasn't what I wrote. I was inspired in the moment. Look, I know I said some horrible things, even for me.","Blair: You mean blogging to Gossip Girl about our s*x life? And comparing me to your Dad's sweaty old horse?","Chuck: What's your point?","Blair: What's yours?","Chuck: You don't belong with Nate. Never have, never will.","Blair, kissing him: ...You don't belong with anyone.","(S, leaving, is weirded out by this; so much so that she runs straight into Lonelyboy.)","Dan: Oh, sorry. I, uh, I'm looking for Vanessa, have you seen her? I'm trying to get out of here.","Serena, hurt: No, I haven't seen her.","Dan, ducking away: Okay.","Planner: Serena, Dan, out on the floor.","Serena: Oh no, thank you.","Dan: Oh, no. No, no...","Planner: The bride and groom are asking for photos. Here we go.","Dan: Oh, that's not necessary.","Planner, as the photographers flash again and again: Yes, it is. You're gonna want to remember this night forever, yeah?","(He pushes Dan into S's arms and they dance.)","Dan: I'm sorry.","Serena: Just smile.","Chuck, breaking the kiss: Let's take it slow this time. Do it right.","Blair: Chuck Bass is a romantic. Who knew?","Chuck: Well now you do. That's all that matters.","(She leads him off the floor as the photogs leave D and S alone.)","Serena: He's gone. You can let go now.","Dan: I know. I don't want to.","(She rests her temple on his forehead and they dance until they are the only couple left.)","ACT SIX: ONE WEEK LATER","(Jenny calls Rufus on his tourbus.)","Rufus: Hey, Jen.","Jenny: Ooh! Oh my God, Dad!","Rufus: Well, hello to you too!","Jenny: Mom's out getting bagels, Dan's at the gallery, and the mail just came.","Rufus: I appreciate the play-by-play, it feel as if I'm there.","Jenny: Yeah, well, uh... The letter came, from Parsons? About my internship?","Rufus: What?","Jenny: I don't know. I'm too scared to open it. What if I didn't get it?","Rufus: What if you did?","Jenny, giggling: Okay. I'm opening it. Hold my hand over the phone.","Rufus: I got ya.","Jenny: And... Ahh! I got it!","Rufus: That's great, Jen. Does it say who it's with?","Jenny: Yeah. Um, it's with... Heh. Eleanor Waldorf Designs.","Rufus: Well, isn't that Blair's Mom?","Jenny, chuckling and overwhelmed: Yeah. It sure is.","(In B's bedroom, helping her pack.)","Serena: So, Tuscany with Chuck? Sounds romantic ...Minus the Chuck part...","Blair: He invited me. In his father's private plane. And I was headed to France, so...","Serena: So it's worth a week with Chuck to avoid airport security?","Blair, flashing some black lace garters: Oh, don't worry. I'm gonna frisk him.","Serena, laughing: Oh! B, gross!","Blair: What can I say? He brings out the worst in me. And weirdly, I think I bring out the best in him. He's been a perfect gentleman this whole week.","Serena: Is that why you're driving yourself to the airport?","Blair: He wanted to see his Dad before he left. Besides, we're taking the helicopter to Teterboro. I have to sit in the jump seat so that ... I can tell the pilot if I have any thoughts on his flying.","Serena: Oh B, what's it gonna take to get you to relax?","Blair, in a gross voice: Chuuuuuuuuck...","Serena: Oh! God! My ears are bleeding! Make it stop!","Blair, bringing it down: You gonna be okay? Alone, all summer, without your best friend, who always gets you out of trouble?","Serena: Yeah. I'm... I'm looking forward to staying out of trouble for a while.","Blair: ...Have you talked to Dan?","Serena: No. Not since the wedding. It's for the best. For him, for me. I'm fine.","(S fake-laughs; B worriedly strokes her arm.)","(Bass Suite; C on the phone with N.)","Chuck: Yeah, I'll be taking off soon. I wanted to catch my Dad before I left, see how the honeymoon went, catch a glimpse of a man in love.","Nate: Well, why don't you just take a look in the mirror, Chuck? Taking Blair to Europe, huh? Things are getting pretty serious.","Chuck: It's no big deal. My Dad's jet was going to Italy on business, Blair was going to France. So, you ... Planning to spend the summer sweating it out in Brooklyn?","Nate: Uh, I think my time across the Bridge is over.","Chuck: Nathaniel, what happened with you and Punky Brewster?","(In the Gallery.)","Dan: So tell me, what... What exactly happened with you and Man-Bangs?","Vanessa, laughing: He is prettier than me, but that wasn't the problem.","Dan: And so what was it then? The, uh, the whole perpetually stoned, brooding guy thing?","Vanessa: I actually enjoyed the quiet. It was a nice change of pace from you.","Dan: Oh. Was it his past with Serena?","Vanessa: No. That's just your issue.","Dan: It must've been, uh, the different worlds thing, right, one of you always feeling like a fish out of water?","Vanessa: I know exactly what you're doing. Ask me enough questions about Nate, and I won't ask you about Serena.","Dan: Best offense is always a strong defense. ...I, um... I'm not ready to talk about it. Her.","Vanessa: Good. Then maybe it'll be quiet for thirty seconds.","Dan: No, no, no, no, no. You better get used to it, Abrams. Welcome to the summer of Dan Humphrey, babbling at your ass 24\/7, from dusk till dawn. Come Labor Day, you're gonna be so sick of me...","Vanessa: It's been thirteen years, and I'm still not sick of you.","Dan: Oh, not for lack of trying.","(Back in Manhattan, S spots N on the street, talking to C.)","Nate, on the phone: Vanessa's a great girl, but I have too much going on right now. All right. All right. Bye.","Serena, grabbing his arm: Hey!","Nate, hanging up: Hey!","Serena: I was just seeing off Blair.","Nate: I was just on the phone with Chuck.","Serena: Blair and Chuck. Now there's a couple you can root for.","Nate: Yeah, well, if they're happy, I guess I'm happy.","Serena: Oh, come on, Nate. When have you ever been happy?","Nate: Wow! The gloves are off today, aren't they?","Serena: I am feeling frisky. You know how I get in the summer!","Nate: Yeah, I do.","Serena: Well, you won't have to witness any of it. I'm locking myself away in the Hamptons house. Well, it is a summer to reflect... Alone.","Nate: I could not agree more. I just need to take a break away from everything and everyone.","Serena: Yeah.","(They take off; S turns back around.)","Serena: Hey. Um, if you wanna reflect alone together, I'll be around.","Nate: What are you up to now?","(Bass Helipad with some ugly random boiler room guy.)","Blair: Excuse me, is that the Bass helicopter?","Random: No, it's not here yet. Are you on the Bass marketing team, too?","Blair: No. I'm a guest of Chuck Bass.","Random: If he's anything like his father, he must be...terrifying.","Blair: He's not all bad. He is taking me to Tuscany.","Random: That's romantic. So where is he?","Blair: On his way. I had to get here early. I like the jump seat.","Random: Oh.","Blair: What?","Random: Nothing. It's just... I like the jump seat. I have this thing about flying, and it makes me feel more...","Blair: In control?","Random, approvingly: Yeah.","Blair: Yeah.","(Bass Suite.)","Bart: Who's that?","Chuck, putting away his phone: Blair. I should get going, I just wanted to see you before I disappeared for the summer. I'm glad you had a good trip.","Bart: I hope you have a good trip, too. You deserve it. And I must say, I'm proud of you.","Chuck: Dad, my best man speech was a week ago. And it was nothing.","Bart: Polite? Modest? You really are growing up.","Chuck: Let's not get carried away. I plan on holding on to my youth for as long as possible.","Bart: Sometimes that choice isn't up to you.","Chuck: That's the best thing about Blair. She knows me, knows I'll never change.","Bart: Yeah... Until you take her away to Europe on a private jet. That is gonna change everything. But that's a good thing, son. Having a real girlfriend will force you to learn about responsibility, sacrifice, being faithful... Taking into account somebody else's feelings, not just your own.","Chuck, horrified: ...Feelings?","Bart: All the partying and the women... You will come back from this summer a new man. Take my word for it.","Chuck: ...Oh, I will.","Lily, entering and laughing with Lydia Hearst: Oh! There you are. This is Amelia. She's been helping me with the apartment renovations.","Bart: Great. Nice to meet you.","(Chuck gets a text: \"Can't wait to see u xo B.\" Everything slows down and the music gets intense as Bart and Lily leave, then C drops B's bouquet in the garbage and offers Amelia a single flower.)","Chuck: ...Amelia. A moment?","Amelia: What's this?","Chuck: I was hoping we could discuss what you have planned for my room.","Amelia: And who are you?","Chuck: I'm Chuck Bass.","(Helipad. B's sad with her phone.)","Random: Everything all right?","Blair, reading C's text lies: Yeah. It... It's Chuck. I guess his Dad is getting in late, and he won't be able to make the flight. But he's booking something commercial.","Random: Well, I'd be willing to flip you for the jump seat.","Blair, setting off with him: Bart did just get the jet reupholstered. And I do like when the ladies make you those cookies... What's ten hours? Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?","Gossip Girl: \"They say a leopard can't change his spots, but some things do change...\"","Gossip Girl, over Rufus back on the tourbus: \"The path not taken can become a road trip...\" Gossip Girl, over Jenny sewing another outfit madly: \"Being grounded can lead to something groundbreaking...\" Gossip Girl, over shots of S&N, D&V, and the helicopter: \"And whether they're sweating it out on the sultry streets or cooling their heels in the Hamptons., no one does summer like New Yorkers. Grab your shades and your sunblock, this one looks like a scorcher. Until then, you know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl.\""],"Show Title":"Gossip Girl","Episode Number":"1x18","Episode Title":"Much \"I Do\" About Nothing","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Greek_01x21.json","Recap":["The Kappa Tau pledges are given fake IDs in preparation for spring break, and Rusty gets lucky when a bartender believes he is a reclusive musician . Casey signs up for a LSAT prep class, enlisting Evan's help, only to discover her heart's not into becoming a lawyer . Ashleigh overspends on her credit card."],"Transcript":["CRU - Street","Ashleigh : Can't believe you signed up for an extra class you don't get credit for.","Casey : It's a prep class. And, according to Evan, it's the best way to ace the LSAT. And it gets my mom off my back, which is even better than course credit.","Frannie : Thank God I gave up my advanced degree aspirations. Standardized tests are so not my thing. Good luck, Case. I'm off to my seminar on the movies of John Hughes. Enjoy!","Ashleigh : So... Is Evan taking this LSAT class, too?","Casey : Evan? No, Mr. Born-Lawyer already took the class, of course. On his way to becoming the Supreme Court's youngest clerk ever. \"Welcome to your first step towards an exciting future career in the law.\"","Ashleigh : Casey Cartwright, Esquire.","Casey : Bad-ass prosecutor by day, and Armani-wearing temptress by night.","Ashleigh : It's like you're a superhero.","Casey : A superhero with an expense account.","Ashleigh : Don't remind me.","Casey : About expense accounts?","Ashleigh : About money. I'm broke. What am I gonna do about spring break? It's next week.","Casey : There's no way you can your parents go give you more?","Ashleigh : I can't tell them I've already spent my allowance for this month. Can I borrow against your future account?","Casey : You'll have to make an appointment with my cute administrative man-sistant to discuss that.","Ashleigh : Stop, you're intimidating me.","Casey : Wait until you see me in the courtroom. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury... KT HOUSE - Meeting","Cappie : Case closed. And so it is resolved. It takes 427 licks to get to the chocolate-y center. Good going, Spitter. I've never seen anyone lick something that fast. It was mildly disturbing. Now, that that's out of the way, you're all ready to become new men.","Rusty : Are we getting initiated?","Cappie : This is an initiation of sorts. Wait, Beaver. This box contains the lost souls of dozens of departed Kappa Taus.","Pickle : You think there are body parts in there?","Cappie : This box holds your futures. You are no longer Pickle.","Pickle : I'm not?","Cappie : No, you're not. You are now... Peter Carey, age 24. Kappa Tau class of 2006. Gentlemen, it's time to get your fake Ids. Because while the Kappa Tau basement does not card, the bouncers at spring break do.","Beaver : Buzzkill.","Wade : Doormen you encounter next week are fierce, pledges. You must become one with your new identies. Let no Myrtle Beach bouncer tear you asunder.","Cappie : Ben Bennett, you are now... Of course. Frank Franklin.","Ben Bennett : Sweet!","Rusty : Wait, that doesn't look anything like him. We're gonna get in trouble?","Cappie : Everything worth while comes with at a risk, Spitter. Or should I say... Chad Stewart? Credits CRU - Classroom","Girl : So what'd you get?","Casey : A new notebook?","Girl : Your score. I got a 160 last practice test. I got a 160 on my last practice test, which would be OK, except I want to go to Yale and they would laugh at me with that score. And if I don't get into the international trade law program at Yale, I'm done. I have a 3.9, which is OK, but I really need to beef up my internships this summer if I don't want to be a total joke.","Casey : Yeah.","Girl : Have you started interviewing yet?","Casey : Interviewing... No, not yet. I thought this class was my first step towards an exciting future career in the law.","Girl : What'd you get on your last practice test?","Man : One-seventy.","Casey : OK, looks like some people are overdoing it a little bit, right?","Man : What do you mean?","Teacher : OK, everybody. Let's get down to business. I'm sure you've been practicing, so let's go ahead and start off with a mock-LSAT. Pass those back. You've got two hours. When I say go, go... GO. KT HOUSE - Living room","Cappie : Welcome to Bionic Beats. Can I see some ID?","Rusty : No problem.","Cappie : He's on the guest list. Chad Stewart?","Rusty : That's right. Chad Stewart. 2343 Homer Terrace, Sunshine, Florida.","Cappie : What's your sign, buddy? You get out of here. You and your fake ID! You get out of my club! Nobody messes with Tad, the best bouncer in Myrtle Beach! Get outta my sight!","Rusty : Come on!","Cappie : You didn't have to give a noogie. Lucky that's all you got. If we were in Myrtle, you'd get a class-one misdemeanor punishable by a fine of not more than $200 or imprisonment for not more than 30 days plus court costs. Let's let Rusty's abject failure be a lesson to us all.","Rusty : Well, what kind of question is, \"What's your sign?\"","Cappie : A question the real Chad Stewart would have answered easily. There's an in-bar field test coming up tonight. I want you to study up and be prepared, or it's Noogieville for you. Or jail in some states.","Beaver : Man, it is wild in there! You don't even wanna know.","Cappie : Back of the line. Next. CRU - Street","Ashleigh : I can't believe this.","Calvin : How commercialized spring break has become?","Ashleigh : That's all good. It's that I won't be able to participate in any of the pre-packaged commercialism this year unless I win the lottery. Hello, Powerball.","Calvin : Don't you have a credit card?","Ashleigh : Yes. But the bill goes to my parents. And ever since they figured out that my charges to MAC were for lip gloss and not computer tech-support, they've been strict with it.","Girl : Well, you won't have that problem here. Your Credit Plus bill goes right to you. Not only that, it will allow you to establish a credit history in your name.","Ashleigh : That sounds like a smart thing to do.","Girl : It is. And for every purchase you make, you'll earn points. And I can offer you a thousand dollar limit.","Ashleigh : Sign us up!","Calvin : I don't know.","Girl : I can throw in a free MP3 player, but the offer is good for today only. But since you guys are such good customers, I can have those cards overnighted to you, and you'll be ready to charge tomorrow.","Ashleigh : It's just a credit card. It's not the Army.","Calvin : Sure, why not?","Ashleigh : Spring break, here we come. CRU - Dale & Rusty's room","Dale : What are you studying?","Rusty : I am studying Chad Stewart.","Dale : I haven't come across any Chad Stewart. Is that in the string theory section?","Rusty : Chad Stewart is the guy whose fake ID I inherited. But all I can find is his CRU web page from three years ago. Apparently, he's a songwriter. Not bad?","Dale : Pretty rudimentary chord changes if you ask me.","Rusty : How old do I look in this?","Dale : Eighteen. You know, lying about who you are is never good, Rusty. It signals a lack of self-esteem. Why would I want to be anyone but Dale Kettlewell?","Rusty : You wouldn't, Dale.","Dale : Obviously.","Rusty : What about this?","Dale : You look like my cousin Barry. He always wore a hat like that. He's in prison now.","Rusty : I don't care about your cousin. I need to look like a 24-year-old singer and snowboarder who backpacks through South-east Asia.","Dale : To my knowledge, people who travel through South-east Asia generally look like pedophiles. Which is kind of fitting, because that's what Barry got pinched for.","Rusty : All right. Come on, man, help me out.","Dale : I will. By referring you to the Book of Matthew, which tells us that one sign of the end times is Satan impersonating an angel of light. So it's up to you, Rust. What do you want to be? Satan, or an angel of light?","Rusty : Whichever gets me served in Myrtle Beach, Dale.","Dale : That'd be Satan. Satan lives in Myrtle Beach. OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Living room","Evan : Hey! What are you doing here? Your Guide to Acing the LASAT.","Casey : I'm taking that prep class you took last semester. Why didn't you tell me the goobers in that class passed the bar? I am way behind. I got a 140 on my first practice test, thanks to those stupid logic problems. So I thought...","Evan : I could help you?","Casey : Yeah, but not if it's too weird. I don't want to ask too much of our brand-new friendship.","Evan : You know, of course it's not too weird. You need help, I'm here for you. And I've got a bunch of my old practice tests upstairs. You're right, those logic problems can be a bitch. CRU - A bar","Cappie : Ok. Pickle, you're up first. Then Ben Bennett. Rusty might need a little extra prep time.","Rusty : Hey, I've been studying.","Cappie : I'm sure you have, Spitter. Ok. She just got a big tip. Her mood is good. Pickle, you're up.","Girl : Gentlemen. What can I get you?","Pickle : I'll have a vodka and orange juice, please.","Girl : No problem. Can I just see some ID first?","Pickle : Sure.","Girl : So, Peter, I see you're from Omaha?","Pickle : I'm a Libra.","Girl : How about just the orange juice? What about you? You over 21?","Ben Bennett : Well, I'm flattered you'd ask, little lady. I haven't been Ided in years.","Girl : Six-foot-three, huh?","Ben Bennett : I'm gotta go to the bathroom.","Pickle : Me, too.","Girl : What about you two? Got some ID for me? Are you really Chad Stewart?","Cappie : In the flesh.","Rusty : Yeah. Who else would I be?","Girl : This is so weird. I always had this fantasy of you walking into my bar one day. I never thought it would happen. I mean, you haven't been seen in Cyprus in three years, since you walked out of that gig at the Coffee Grounds Cafe. By the way, I agree with you. Commercialism has ruined music. Hunter's Heartis my favorite song off your underground CD. I'm Trish, by the way.","Rusty : Well, you know my name.","Trish : So what can I get you?","Rysty : Singapore Sling.","Trish : Singapore Sling. You are so cool. I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere.","Cappie : Singapore Sling?","Rusty : Well, Chad Stewart spent a summer in Singapore.","Cappie : Far be it for me to question Chad Stewart. OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Evan's room","Casey : \"A seafood restaurant serves five different entrees on five different nights. If halibut is served only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, then when does the restaurant serve Lobster\"? First of all, I'm never eating seafood again. Secondly, am I crazy or are these questions totally pointless? Is anyone thinking of fish when they're defending someone on death row?","Evan : If they're hungry, maybe. No, seriously, the point is testing your reasoning skills. They're what you use to craft your entire argument. You know, and winning arguments is what the law is all about. If you find the right argument, you can win any case. It doesn't matter what the facts are. The truth is beside the point.","Casey : But, in the meantime, I'm still dealing with fish.","Evan : That's true. OK. But I also know that you happen to be a whiz at Sudoku. Remember? I had fight you for it every Sunday morning.","Casey : Yeah? What are you trying to do? Torture me with the various leisure activities I no longer have time to enjoy?","Evan : No, no. I'm trying to point out to you that these logic problems are actually a lot like Sudoku. You line things up and cancel them out until they fit.","Casey : That makes sense.","Evan : Yeah.","Casey : So let's try this again, Sunday morning Sudoku-style.","Evan : Right on. Isn't this strange? I mean, us getting studying for the LSAT together like we always planned?","Casey : No. It doesn't feel strange to me. It feels... great that we can be mature enough to sit here together, studying, as friends. I love this.","Evan : Me, too. CRU - A bar","Rusty : So there I was, all alone, hiking through the Kanchanaburi province, when I came upon the most pristine rainbow I've ever seen.","Trish : Wait, is that how you got inspired to write Wet Tuesday That's my second favorite song of yours.","Rusty : No. Actually the, the wetness in the song refers to the tears that I shed after a bad breakup.","Trish : Must've been the worst breakup ever, given the violent imagery in that song. \"Singed flesh\" and \"shattered bones.\" Yikes!","Rusty : Yeah. Exactly. Gee, you sure know a lot about my music.","Trish : I'm sorry. Am I making you uncomfortable? I know how private you are. I'm just still so amazed you came out of hiding. I'll be right back.","Rusty : Did you see that? She's way into me.","Cappie : Easy, Spitter. Chick bartenders tend to make all male drinkers feel like that. They're like clothed strippers that way.","Trish : Hey, would you, maybe, be interested in going to this party thing with me this weekend?","Rusty : Yeah.","Trish : Great! Meet me here. Friday night, 7:00.","Man : Excuse me, miss.","Rusty : Ok.","Trish : Ok. Bye.","Rusty : All right. Looks like you had it all wrong.","Cappie : Cough syrup and suntan lotion.","Rusty : Exactly. CRU - Classroom","Casey : Sunday morning Sudoku.","DOBLERS","Frannie : Casey's a genius, yay!","Casey : OK. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. It's just a practice test.","Ashleigh : But you got a 155. And that deserves another round.","Frannie : Exactly.","Ashleigh : I'll get this one. A pitcher, please, and you can keep the tab open. Got it. I've always wanted to say that.","Casey : Take it easy there, Spendy Gonz\u00e1lez. I don't want my first court Case bailing you out of debtor's prison.","Ashleigh : I have it under control. Besides, every time I make a purchase, I earn points.","Frannie : Points for what?","Ashleigh : I don't know. But everyone loves points.","Casey : I'll be right back. I'm I'm gonna give my study-buddy the good news.","Ashleigh : I say they're back together by spring break. What do you think?","Frannie : I don't think she'd take him back, do you?","Ashleigh : Never thought she'd take him back after he slept with Rebecca. And I never thought she'd hook up with Cappie again. So who knows? But, think about it, this is how they started out freshman year. They were just friends. Before you know it, a friendly hug becomes a friendly kiss becomes here we go again. So... it's not what I'd choose for her, but if it makes her happy...","Frannie : I guess I thought. She was so done with him, nothing he did would make a difference.","Casey : No, I outscored most of those bleeding ulcers because of you. Thank you so much.","Evan : You're the one that took the test. You're gonna make a great lawyer. I, for one, can personally attest to your skills in the argumentative arts.","Casey : Seriously, I owe you one.","Evan : Let's grab dinner, celebrate.","Casey : Yeah, sure, why not?","Evan : All right.","Casey : But only if you let me treat.","KT HOUSE - Living room","Rusty : She's going for it. I tell her I snowboard in the Swiss Alps. So then she invites me to this wild party this weekend.","Pickle : Are you gonna go?","Rusty : Of course I'm gonna go. I can't disappoint my biggest fan.","Ben Bennett : That is awesome. I can't believe she bought you as a 24-year-old musician. We have got to work on our fake ID technique, OK?","Cappie : Aren't you supposed to be organizing Beaver's adult video collection?","Ben Bennett : Sorry, Cap. Rusty was just telling us about the sweet party he's going to this weekend.","Cappie : Is that so? Spitty, you're not actually thinking about going to that party?","Rusty : Trish invited me. I can't stand her up.","Cappie : No, Trish invited Chad Stewart. Not Rusty Cartwright. Playing Chad Stewart over a round of Singapore Slings is one thing, but do you really think you can pull it off for an entire night? Me thinks you're in over your head, wee one.","Rusty : You think I can't handle it?","Cappie : Well... No, I...","Rusty : Hey. Come on. 'Cause I think I can handle myself just fine. In fact, while you've been tied down with one girl all semester, I've been handling myself with various ladies.","Cappie : Handling yourself is perfectly normal and we all do it, but it's not necessarily something you wanna brag about.","Rusty : Very funny. What about Tina?","Cappie : I forgot about Tina. Too bad she turned out to be so... crabby.","Rusty : Hey, I took care of it.","Cappie : I'm not trying to sound like a jerk. I just don't want you to get carried away. Because when a man gets too big for his britches, you know how he ends up, Rusty? Naked. Think about that. CRU - Street","Ashleigh : I really wanted that wrap. It would've gone perfectly with all of my new bathing suits. What kind of thrift store doesn't take credit cards that way?","Calvin : A thrift store that only takes cash. And didn't you already buy some sort of wrap?","Ashleigh : I can return that. And this is vintage.","Calvin : Do I need to do a credit-card intervention on you?","Ashleigh : I need all this stuff for spring break. When I get back, I'll get more allowance and I'll be able to pay it all off, without a cent of interest. Do you see how carefully I've thought this out?","Calvin : Yeah, but your careful thinking seems to have found its limit.","Ashleigh : Unless... I give up \"careful\" thinking and go for more... \"outside the box\" thinking. You said you needed a new flash drive. They sell those at the campus store, which takes credit cards. See where I'm going with this?","Calvin : Yeah, I give you the cash, and you charge the flash.","Ashleigh : And we have a plan. Just this once. Please, please, please.","Calvin : All right, all right. Why do I feel like Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon?","Rusty : What are those?","Casey : Books. You, of all people, should recognize them.","Rusty : So you were serious about that law school thing? I thought you were trying to get Mom off your back.","Casey : No, that was just a happy byproduct. Rusty, hello. Law school has been my plan since freshman year.","Rusty : Really? What kind of law?","Casey : I'll worry about that after I get through my LSAT class. Which, by the way, I am kicking ass in. I have to go meet Evan for dinner.","Rusty : You're meeting Evan for dinner?","Casey : He's been helping me with my LSAT class, that's all. And we're going out to celebrate.","Rusty : And...","Casey : And...","Rusty : Here we go again. Did anyone ever tell you you're the world's biggest flip-flopper?","Casey : I'm not flip-flopping. Evan and I are friends.","Rusty : No, Evan isn't capable of being a decent friend. There's always a catch with him. He's sneaky and manipulative, and you cannot trust him. Case, he's gonna take you to some swanky, romantic restaurant and try and lure you back. It's like he's the Kanchanaburi pit vipe of Thailand, and you're his juicy little field mouse.","Casey : You haven't let Cappie make you brownies, have you? And there's no way that's what Evan's thinking. What's with the jacket? You look like you're 12.","Rusty : Really?","Casey : Yeah, really. See ya later, Rust.","Rusty : Don't be his field mouse, Casey. CRU - Restaurant","Casey : This is the kind of place I was in the mood for. I'm glad you suggested it.","Evan : Me, too. Hey. I hope you're in the mood for this, too.","Casey : You're not gonna give me a mock-LSAT over dinner, are you? What's this for?","Evan : Well, it just so happens that my dad's old buddy is the dean of admissions at Harvard. And it just so happens that this old buddy is in Cyprus for some conference.","Casey : That's a lot of just-so-happening.","Evan : But the biggest happening of all, I got you a sit-down with him. Sunday afternoon.","Casey : Harvard Law School?","Evan : Kind of a big one.","Casey : Where you're going.","Evan : Wait a minute, Case. Come on. You're not reading too much into this, are you?","Casey : It just seems...","Evan : Listen. Two of my Omega Chi brothers are already meeting with him. I thought... I thought it'd be great if you did, too. You know? This isn't some elaborate ploy to get you back.","Casey : I know.","Evan : 'Cause we're just friends. Amigos, right? That's it. But, listen, if that's too weird for you, then...","Casey : No! It's not too weird for me.","Evan : And it's not too weird for me.","Casey : OK, so... I feel like a total Jackass. Can we just order and forget I said anything? And thank you.","Evan : And you're welcome. ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh's room","Ashleigh : I love my new lip gloss. What do you think?","Casey : I think... that corporate litigation sounds really boring.","Ashleigh : Well, so do I. So stop reading that and come to Dobler's with me. I'm gonna open another tab.","Casey : I can't. I'm meeting this Harvard guy tomorrow. I need to find something to talk to him about, like what kind of law I want to practice. There's... Quantitative corporate finance.","Ashleigh : That sounds worse than corporate litigation.","Casey : No, no, no. This actually sounds kind of cool: \"Students learn to assess risk... by using multi-factor models and analyzing corporate structure.\"","Ashleigh : Whatever you say. What's up with your knee?","Casey : What?","Ashleigh : You looked like you were having a convulsion.","Casey : No, it didn't.","Ashleigh : Well, I'm off. When fun Casey returns, she knows where to find me.","Casey : \"Contracts...\" CRU - Dale & Rusty's room","Rusty : Hey, I don't look 12 in this, do I?","Dale : No.","Rusty : All right. Good.","Dale : But it is kind of a feminine cut. Where are you going? Another one of your debauched frat fetes?","Rusty : Actually, no. This is a party for grown-ups.","Dale : I'm listening.","Rusty : It's just this girl I met. It's this party in town. No one from school.","Dale : Townie party? I'm totally down.","Rusty : I didn't invite you, Dale. And why would you want to go anyway?","Dale : I'm so weary of the juvenile drivel that passes for conversation on this campus. A little adult interaction is exactly what I need right now.","Rusty : You know a lot about music, right?","Dale : Are Norma Kettlewell's fresh-baked blueberry muffins the best smell in the world? The answer is yes.","Rusty : OK. Great. Then you can come. 'Cause I might need your help.","Dale : As always. All right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CRU - Shop","Man : There's a five-dollar minimum for charges.","Ashleigh : Well, I'll just have to get five dollars worth of gum.","Man : Sorry. Card's been declined.","Ashleigh : Come on. For five dollars? Are you sure?","Man : Yep.","Ashleigh : But I have a thousand dollar limit. There's no way I could possibly have spent... you don't happen to take points, do you? CRU - Party","Rusty : Look at all these nice cars. I hope we're not underdressed.","Dale : You might be.","Rusty : And you have to call me Chad.","Dale : What? No, Rusty. I did not sign on for anything like that.","Trish : Hi.","Rusty : Hey, Trish.","Dale : I told you you were underdressed.","Rusty : You look wonderful. This is my buddy, Dale.","Dale : Yeah, hey. I... I just decided to accompany my good buddy Rock and Roll Chad to your little shindig tonight.","Trish : Chad, I'm so glad you came. But, listen, please don't hate me. I wasn't totally honest with you when I invited you here.","Rusty : Hey, I've always said honesty is overrated. So, whatever it is, it's no big deal.","Dale : Two people joining under God. Sweet.","Trish : My sister Jill is getting married today, and she's an even bigger fan of yours than I am, believe it or not. I'm sorry to ambush you like this. But I knew you'd say no if I asked in advance. But, well, our dad died last year, and it was your music that got Jill through that terrible time. And I promised her you'd do it. Well, since my dad couldn't be here to walk Jill down the aisle, maybe Hunter's Heartcan.","Rusty : You want me to sing?","Dale : Yeah. Go get 'em, Chad-o. Let's hear you rock that mic.","Trish : Oh my god! My sister's gonna be so excited!","Rusty : Sorry. Hunter's heart. You hide.. And I try to... Something... song.","Trish : What's wrong? Is it stage fright? I know it's been a long time.","Rusty : I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'm not Chad Stewart.","Trish : Just give us a second. Everything's fine. What are you talking about?","Rusty : My name is Rusty Cartwright. I'm 18 years old, I'm tone-deaf, I don't snowboard, I used Chad Stewart's ID to buy alcohol.","Trish : That was a fake ID?","Rusty : I'm really sorry. I probably could've gotten you fired.","Trish : Yeah, that's the least of my problems right now.","Woman : What's happening? What's going on?","Man : Maybe she came to her senses and decided to call it off. She didn't want to marry him! She shouldn't.","The Groom : Are you kidding me, Jill? You're flaking? That is it! I am SO sick of you and your drama-queen games!","The Bride : You're calling me a drama queen? I have just one word for you, Pete: Phoenix.","The Groom : You would bring that up!","Rusty : Let's go.","Dale : I hope you've learned a lesson about the wages of sin...","Rusty : Shut up, Dale!","DOBLERS","Frannie : Thanks for making it quick. My friend's having a crisis. Here you go.","Ashleigh : I'm so pathetic. I can't even pay for my own beer.","Frannie : So you overdid on the whole consumerism thing. It happens. This is America. Don't fret.","Ashleigh : I can't believe I bought all that stuff. I kept getting this crazed feeling like if I didn't grab what I wanted right away, that someone else would.","Frannie : I know what you mean. Hey, isn't that that Lambda Sig who stood up Casey? What's his name, Shane?","Ashleigh : What a dirtbag. Look at him over there, laughing all slimily.","Frannie : That whole thing was so weird. Wasn't it? He seemed so into her.","Ashleigh : I know!","Frannie : I mean, if I were Casey, I'd be dying to know what made him do that, wouldn't you? He shouldn't be allowed to get away with dissing her like that.","Ashleigh : You're right.","Frannie : I'm sick of guys treating girls like crap and never get called out on it.","Ashleigh : Me too. I wish I could just go over there and tell him off right here and now.","Frannie : You should.","Ashleigh : Really?","Frannie : Yeah. Do it!","Ashleigh : Hey, you!","Shane : Yes? Can I help you?","Ashleigh : You sure can. You can start by explaing to me who you think you are, blowing off Casey Cartwright?","Shane : You seem a little drunk, so...","Ashleigh : Well, you seem a little bit like a loser. Like one of those guys who has to treat girls badly to feel like a real man.","Man : If you want to lecture someone about treating girls badly, talk to Evan, not my bro here.","Shane : Steve!","Ashleigh : Stop trying to change the subject. Evan is a really good friend of Casey's now.","Shane : Look... Evan is no friend of Casey's.","Ashleigh : What do you mean?","OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Evan's room","Evan : Hold on. Hold on five seconds. Casey. What's wrong?","Casey : Did you pay Shane Mullen to stay away from me?","Evan : What are you talking about?","Casey : I'm talking about you paying someone a thousand dollars to stand me up and humiliate me.","Evan : That is crazy. Who told you that?","Casey : Shane told Ashleigh at Dobler's.","Evan : And you believe him over me?","Casey : Why would he make that up?","Evan : 'Cause he's a jerk. To excuse bad behavior.","Casey : So you didn't pay him off?","Evan : Look, you need to forget about him. You've got an interview to prepare for.","Casey : You're not denying it. Just give me a straight answer, Evan.","Evan : Yes.","Casey : Who does that? You dumped me. You don't want to be with me, but you don't want anyone else to either? How could you be so spiteful?","Evan : I didn't do it to be spiteful.","Casey : Then why?","Evan : Because I love you.","Casey : After everything we've been through? Did you really think this is how you could win me back? Because that's not love.","Evan : I was desperate.","Casey : People who love each other shouldn't manipulate each other. This needs to stop. The things we keep doing to each other need to stop.","Evan : I just don't want you to hate me.","Casey : I don't hate you. I feel... sad for you. And for me, because I really thought we were friends. And now... I think, you should, I don't know, take some time, get your head together.","Evan : My head is perfectly together.","Casey : I didn't mean...","Evan : No, no, no. I got it. You think I'm pathetic.","Casey : Evan.","Evan : I think we're done here. ZBZ HOUSE - Ashleigh & Casey' room","Ashleigh : I hope I can work this out. I really need to buy Casey a pick-me-up present. My God! I've been on hold for so long this techno version of to Joy is starting to sound catchy.","Calvin : You could always just return everything instead. I mean, Ashleigh. Do you really need this tankini?","Ashleigh : First, I love that you know the term tankini. And second, yes.","Calvin : Ashleigh.","Ashleigh : What? I'm gonna work out a payment plan, and everything will be fine. Hello! Yes! So I spent a little more than I planned, and my card was declined, so I just... Really? You can? That's great! Thank you!","Calvin : That was quick. Did they you on a payment plan?","Ashleigh : Nope, they upped my credit limit. ZBZ HOUSE - Kitchen","Frannie : Hey, what are you doing?","Casey : Learning how to take a pair of leather jodhpurs from runway to reality.","Frannie : Don't you have that Harvard meeting at noon?","Casey : The meeting Evan set up? No thanks. I'd rather wear leather jodhpurs.","Frannie : Seriously, sweetie, you cannot blow off that meeting.","Casey : Sure, I can. It's Evan-tainted now.","Frannie : Who cares about Evan's taint? Yes, he did something creepy, and I totally support you wanting to stay miles away from him. But this Harvard meeting is about your life, not his. CRU - Interview","Man : You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I'd say if your scores keep improving, and you fill your resume out a bit, you've got a good shot. So do you have any more questions for me?","Casey : No, I think that's it. You've been very helpful. I'm so glad we did this.","Man : All right. Then I have a question for you. Let's assume you get in... to Harvard, or someplace else. That's just the beginning. I want to know what it is about the law that's exciting to you. Why do you, Casey Cartwright, want to be a lawyer? CRU - Dale & Rusty's room","Rusty : Geez, Dale. It really weirds me out when you do that.","Dale : Sorry. Come in!","Casey : Hi, Dale.","Dale : Hi, Chelsea. Sorry, it's Casey, right? Chelsea was my ex-girlfriend. That I had.","Casey : Actually, I wanted a word with Rusty.","Dale : Yeah. Sure. You guys go ahead. I... I was actually gonna head out, go to the gym for a little bit. Been working out, you know, just for me. You know, for summer.","Casey : Those space pajamas don't look sweat-proof.","Rusty : So why are you here?","Casey : No one else will understand this. You're the only person I could think of who's known what they want to do with the rest of your life since they were in diapers.","Rusty : It was actually pre-school. We made these pinhole cameras, checking out a solar eclipse, and I had this kind of \"a-ha\" moment. Which you probably had about law school sometime, too, right?","Casey : Except that it wasn't my \"a-ha\" moment. It was Evan's.","Rusty : I don't get it.","Casey : Being Miss \"A-ha-Less,\" it was easier to follow Evan's path. So easy that, after a while, I forgot I was following anyone at all. Unfortunately, I didn't figure that out until the Harvard dean of admissions asked me why I want to be a lawyer, and I had to say, \"Because of my ex-boyfriend.\"","Rusty : Well, if there's one thing that I've learned, it's that living someone else's life is never a good idea.","Casey : Everyone in that LSAT class knew exactly what they wanted, from where they would go to law school to what kind of lawyer they would be. And it turns out, I know exactly what I want, too. I know what kind of law I want to practice. None.","Rusty : So what now?","Casey : Now... we do not mope. We go back to ZBZ, make slice-and-bake cookies and eat the whole pan. Are you in?","Rusty : I'm in. Not that jacket."],"Show Title":"Greek","Episode Number":"01x21","Episode Title":"Barely Legal","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Greek_02x02.json","Recap":["Rusty grows bored with his polymer science major and looks to his new RA, Max, for some advice. Meanwhile, Frannie and Evan's relationship is now public, and Frannie hopes that she and Casey can still be friends. Senator Logan's scandal makes Rebecca an outcast, and Cappie tries to cheer her up by using her notoriety to get her free stuff."],"Transcript":["ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh's room","Ashleigh : OK. Bad news ... We're out of milk. I'd hug you right now but I'm afraid to get my hands too close to your mouth.","Casey : Is it just me or do all my exboyfriend has some weird ZBZ finish?","Ashleigh : It does appear to be a patern.","Casey : First ... She breaks Evan and me, and now she is all frontaly kissing him in very public places, doing all what all the crap people done me before spring break.","Ashleigh : Case.","Casey : I know, I'm over Evan and I know I should be all Jennifer Aniston, and rise all above it but I just want to bite things.","Ashleigh : Hey calm down, just let the \"empty calories\" work their way into your bloodstream.","Frannie : Casey can we talk?","Casey : I want to bite her. Please... just, just once in the jugular.","Ashleigh : Try back later.","Frannie : Casey please, just let me in.","Casey : Let her in.","Ashleigh : Fine. Sit.","Casey : Ash.","Ashleigh : Stay. I've a lot of nice things in here, I don't want blood on them.","Frannie : Case, I know you must hate me. This all happened so fast. During spring break, Evan and I... Well, we made a connection ... I tried to tell you all week but with the chaos of Greek Week and the visit from Tegan, I couldn't find the right time.","Ashleigh : I think she wants you to continue...","Frannie : I don't know what else to say.","Ashleigh : Try \"I'm sorry.\"","Frannie : I'm sorry you'd to find it that way But I hope we could move beyond this.","Casey : I am not ready to move beyond this Franny. I need time to process...","Frannie : Well, if we could just talk about it, then maybe ...","Casey : Processing!","Ashleigh : Yeh, her mouth is empty. You should probably go.","Frannie : Right. Okay. Well I'll just check back in later then.","Casey : I need a ding dong, stat. CRU - Dale & Rusty's room Rusty's alarm clock rings again, and again, and again, until that he stands up, gets dressed and walks way. CRU - Corridor of the dormitory","Cappie : It's time to laundry drop off.","Rusty : I can't talk. I'm already late for class.","Cappie : Oh, your pants are already down there ?","Rusty : Oh damn.","Cappie : It's not your bear legs that just makes me chuckle but that happy girly attitude does not extend for my boxers. They need to be folded in quarters, not rolled. I need it delivered by 5 tomorrow. I'm in emergency on this right up...","Rusty : My door is closed.","Cappie : I bet the keys are in the pants?","Rusty : What do I do now?","Cappie : Get the RA to open your door.","Rusty : My what?","Cappie : Come here. It's RA's room.","Rusty : He never comes out.","Cappie : You're sure your an honor engineering? RA stands for... Regular Afordy ...? What is it? I swear my mind going out. I hope it's not from drinking. Resident Adviser. Thank you, God. I can keep boosing.","Rusty : Where did he go?","Cappie : I don't know. Tell you what? Your big brother wants you to borrow a pair of jeans. The stain in front is from toothpaste, I think ... Hey ho, calling Dr. Genius ...","Rusty : There they are.","Cappie : Take and make a class and suck a platz of smartiness.","Rusty : I'm so late already, I'll probably just skip.","Cappie : Wait you're serious?","Rusty : Yeah. Credits ZBZ HOUSE - Living room","Ashleigh : You are cordially invited to the ZBZ Crush Party. Where? Dobler's. When? Friday night, 8pm. Ok, ok, calm down. Don't scratch me! Those girls could turn \"Crush Party\" litteraly here.","Casey : May I have an extra one?","Ashleigh : Oh, you have two crushes?","Casey : No, I want to give one to that crusty guy who is always scratching himself and tell him it's from Frannie.","Ashleigh : Would that make you feel better?","Casey : Only if he shows up and licks her face. These are great thought, you truly are a glue gun goddess.","Ashleigh : Thanks. A skill that would come in handy since I'm going to grow old all alone with nothing to live for either than my love of scrapbooking.","Casey : Come on, there's gonna be someone you're crushing on!","Ashleigh : There is, but I do not know his address, or what school he goes to or his name.","Casey : The Hot Ness monster? Ash, you met him once.","Ashleigh : Once was enough.","Casey : OK, prepare yourself for some tough love : You may never see him again.","Ashleigh : You bitch.","Casey : OK, it's cruel but true. Is that flip flap in there?","Ashleigh : No.","Casey : Really?","Ashleigh : That is my bottle opener that I keep for emergencies.","Casey : You sleep with that thing, and I think it is time that you stop. There are tons of guys out there who would kill to get a Crush Party invite from you.","Frannie : Well said. Crush Parties are so exciting : anonymous invitations chances encounters. Are we speaking yet? Because there are some...","Casey : Still processing. I have got to run to the career sonar. I'm late for my intro appointment.","Ashleigh : It is a complicated process.","EXT. CRU","Rebecca : Crush Party. Friday night.","Cappie : Isn't the whole point of Crush Parties that the invitation is anonimous?","Rebecca : Who said it's from me?","Cappie : I have a crush? I wonder who it is. Wait, are you going to be there? I'm just wondering because it could get awkward. Or you could join us, and it could get awsome.","Rebecca : My dad has totally humiliated me. I admire Chelsea Clinton too.","Cappie : Me too. Now that she grunder her face, she is foxy.","Rebecca : I wish this would all go away. What would you do if you were me?","Cappie : I'd propably distract myself with other pressing issue like what you would be wearing to set crush party? Heels or flat?","Rebecca : A bag over my head?","Cappie : Like an actual bag or ...","Rebecca : This story is on the cover of USA Today for the third day in a row.","Cappie : Do they still have Garfield? He is a cat that likes lasagna.","Rebecca : Will you be serious for a moment? The most personal aspects of my life are painfully public.","Cappie : Worked for Paris Hilton.","Rebecca : We'll not be making a sextape, Cap. I've been the star of enough wild videos, thank you very much.","Cappie : I'm not talking about a sextape, though we could talk about that whenever you're ready. I'm talking about fame. You are already famous, Rebecca. Your father took care of that for you. The question is: are you going to taste the perks of that fame?","CRU - Counseling Center","Guy : This is the place where they're handing out jobs, right?","Casey : I sure hope so.","Guy : I thinking puppeteer honestly. Or dolphins trainer. Maybe rollercoaster tester.","Casey : I'll be happy with international pop-star.","Guy : I'm Drew Collins","Casey : Casey Cartwright.","Drew : Casey Cartwright. That'd look great on a business card.","Casey : I don't think international pop-star carries them.","Drew : So Casey Cartwright, I have a favor to ask you.","Casey : Ask away.","Drew : Please save me from having to read about the pregnant man but telling me your life story.","Casey : You want to know how he got pregnant?","Drew : No, no, not at all.","Casey : Where to begin? CRU - Engineering progam corridor","Dale : Nerd word on the street is that you skipped your polymer seminar today.","Rusty : I over slept. That happens.","Dale : Then maybe the cons in middle torture inflicted on you by your fraternity brothers, has finally taken its toll.","Rusty : No, I'm not tired of pledging, I'm bored with class. All we do is read and regurgitate. Read and regurgitate. You know?","Dale : I bet your regurgitate of this RA didn't show up soon.","Rusty : Yeah, well maybe it wants to make a dramatic entrance, to assert its authority.","Dale : He's gonna find out pretty quick that there's certain habits that nobody's gonna change in me.","Rusty : Such as?","Dale : Such as ... occasionally not wearing underwears. You're not the only one taking a walk on the wild side in college, my friend. You know what, I think that this all meet the RA thing is a scam. It's the senior kicking of senior's dockades cause it's the exact right time of the year.","Rusty : What's the senior's dockades?","Dale : Are you sure that you're even in the honor engineering program? Because everybody knows what the senior's dockades are.","Rusty : Just enlight me.","Dale : Okay. The senior barricade their rooms and the interclassmen try to break in.","Rusty : And we do this because ...","Dale : We do this because it's an awesome tradition passed down throught the generations by our engineering forefathers.","Rusty : Fun.","Dale : The seniors also usually leave prizes behind for those who get in. Like last year, I heard this one guy got the box \"Star Trek: The Next Generation.\" So this better not be a wet blanket.","Man : I'm Max, and my intention is not to be a wet blanket. I prefer to be a dry blanket. What ever that means. Or, I don't know, I was gonna say... Never mind . I assume you all sort of know the drill. I'm your new residential advisor. Yeah, I'm here in the unfortunate even, you know, lose your keys, miss your parents. Which I hope, by now, you all kind of come to terms with. Or in case you try to kill each other, or yourselves, which, you know, for what it's forth, I hope you wouldn't do either. But I don't really know any of you. I'm here.","Rusty : He didn't set much authority.","Dale : That's because he knows that nobody can make me wear underwear. KT HOUSE - Living room","Heath : Almost.","Cappie : What are you guys doing?","Rusty : Invented this game called \"Kappa Tau Tower\". We've been playing for 4 hours.","Heath : Your breath is making it move. Looks like somebody is digging the old hair ball of my draining. Damn it! Evil these things.","Rusty : I finished your laundry.","Cappie : You ironed my jeans?","Rusty : Yeah, don't you do that?","Cappie : What has gotten into you, Spitter?","Rusty : What do you mean?","Cappie : You're skipping classes, you're avoiding schoolwork. It's like you're a real life boy.","Rusty : I'm taking this honour seminar polymers and it has become non stop drudge work. I'm having a really hard time staying motivated.","Cappie : And the problem is ...?","Rusty : It is not like me. Never mind. You wouldn't understand.","Cappie : Why not?","Rusty : Because it is a serious problem.","Cappie : Spitz, stop right there. This week, I'm learning how to be sympathetic to other people's serious problems. So give me the scoop.","Rusty : When I was 11 years old and I got my first allowance, I went out and bought Sully Putty.","Cappie : I think I bought p0rn, but go on.","Rusty : This was the coolest toy ever. You could balance it like a ball, stretch it like clay, throw it up on the wall like a \"Water-Gum\" You could press it in the comics and the paper in order to transfer the images.","Cappie : Like Garfield, right? I love him.","Rusty : It was this amazing material, and people made it. I know sounds strange, but I had to know how. So I was went to the library and I found this book about inorganic polymers and this all world just opened up. Kevlar, nylon, Post-it notes, duck tape. The world is filled with man made miracles. And I couldn't wait to get to college ...","Cappie : Boredom. Spitter. Life's too short man. Did you ever think that maybe you are in the wrong major. There you go, serious problem solved. See I'm good at this.","EXT. CRU","Casey : OK, let's review the plan.","Ashleigh : Yes, he comes out of class, I hand him the invite. It's not that difficult.","Casey : I know, I know, but its all about you present it to him. You can't just show it at him. You have to present it with some fan effects.","Ashleigh : Wow, you're crushing hard. I can tell because you are obsessing over the weirdess things.","Casey : I believe that's the case of the flip flop calling sandal black.","Ashleigh : Touch\u00e9. So you're sure he'll be here?","Casey : He orgasms on his history class. I know because we bonded over the way she says Matisse. You think this is so funny too.","Ashleigh : OK Tom, just point out your KT.","Casey : There he is.","Ashleigh : Hot Ness monster.","A few minutes later...","Ashleigh : I can believe he goes to school here.","Casey : I don't understand how this can happen. We never liked the same guy before.","Ashleigh : You pit on Clooney!","Casey : We are on untreat territory. You know what? You should take him. After all, you've been obsessed with him longer.","Ashleigh : OK.","Casey : Really? Because ...","Ashleigh : Maybe we could share him. I'll take the top half and ... Wait. Let me think that through.","Both : Wow...","Casey : It's not just us inviting him you know.","Ashleigh : Someone else is inviting him? Is it Laura? Oh that little slut.","Casey : No. I mean, he should get some saying too, right?","Ashleigh : I guess so.","Casey : So we give him an invitation, he comes to the party, we see who he clicks with the most and, the other respectfully bass out.","Ashleigh : Well, that sounds so mature of us.","Casey : I know, right.","Ashleigh : I like mature us. So how do we get the invite to him and both remain anonymous?","Casey : Hey ! How is going?","Guy : Uh, good.","Ashleigh : We have a favour. Take this crush invite.","Guy : A ZBZ invite? I've always dreamt of getting one of these.","Ashleigh : And just give it to that guy over there.","Casey : Yeah, but don't tell him it's from us.","Guy : Genetic freak.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Rebecca : This just knows wrong.","Cappie : Honey, when life gives you lemons, make lemon drops.","Rebecca : Let's go to Dobler's and sit in the back and talk.","Cappie : Why talk when you can do? Now lets mess up your hair, and don't forget to be out of breath, and busted.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cappie : Mister ... Kwon. You're looking at a pair of students who have been hunted across campus. Our predators? Photographers. She can not walk all the way to and from her classes. She needs one of those platinum faculty parking passes.","Mr Kwon : The most covered parking pass on campus?","Cappie : Can you think of anyone more deserving or vulnerable right now than Miss Rebecca Logan?","Mr Kwon : Paparazzi, uh?","Cappie : They are vicious. Just ask Amy Winehouse.","Rebecca : Help me, Toby Kwon, you're my only hope.","Mr Kwon : Okay, but you didn't get this from me.","Cappie : Let's capture this moment, shall we. Lemon drops, Miss Logan. There it is.","CRU - Max's door room","Rusty : I think I need some advice from an upper class man in honour engineering program. In my polymer seminar, I'm just having a very difficult time staying focused and motivated.","Max : OK, so you're bored.","Rusty : Which I've never been before in science.","Max : Is it too hard for you?","Rusty : Not really.","Max : That's pretty arrogant.","Rusty : I didn't mean it that way.","Max : It sounded that way.","Rusty : Look, have you ever questioned whether or not you should be an engineer?","Max : No. But if you are bored, maybe it's best that you leave the program.","Rusty : Really? Wouldn't that be a fairly complicated process? I mean getting in to honour engineering is pretty complicated.","Max : No, you just fill out a form.","Rusty : That my parents need to sign?","Max : No.","Rusty : That my adviser needs to sign?","Max : No.","Rusty : So that's it? It's that easy to drop out of honour engineering. My life long dream of being a polymer scientist can end, with filling out one form. ZBZ HOUSE - Bathroom","Casey : This is so exciting, it's like we're bachelor and we made it to final ceremony.","Ashleigh : Yeah, only we're not skinky thirty something who's trying to sabotage eachother.","Casey : Yeah mature us! Have you seen my lucky lip gloss? Are you wearing heels?","Ashleigh : Of course why?","Casey : It's just that it gives you an unfair height advantage. You'll get more eye contact.","Ashleigh : I'll tell you what, I'll wear flats if you take out your chicken cotelets.","Casey : I don't know what you are talking about? Oh, those?","Ashleigh : I bet these get more eye contacts than my heels.","Casey : You're being ridiculous.","Ashleigh : I'm being ridiculous? Maybe it's you who's being ridiculous.","Frannie : Sorry, I'm interrupting something?","Ashleigh : No, I was... I was just telling Casey how much I wished I had her eyes. They're beautiful.","Casey : Well, I wish I had your smile. Your teeth are like snow-capped mountains.","Frannie : We're gonna have so much fun, I can wait to see...","Casey : Still processing.","DOBLERS","Casey : Choosing is a tough decision because we are both beautiful.","Ashleigh : Inside and out.","Casey : And if there's anyone I'd rather be rejected for, it's you.","Ashleigh : Dido. Now when is he getting here?","Drew : Hey.","Ashleigh : I'm Ashley, from spring break.","Drew : Right. What a coincidence. And Casey Cartwright too.","Casey : In the flesh.","Drew : And I suppose one of you sent me this invite.","Casey : Maybe!","Ashleigh : I did!","CRU - Dale & Rusty's room","Dale : Someone left you a form outside. What is it?","Rusty : Nothing.","Dale : Did you enter some kind of contest, academic or worst thing either I should know about? Request for withdraw? You're droping out of polymer science?","Rusty : I'm just thinking about it.","Dale : No Rusty, you can't do this.","Rusty : I said I'm just thinking about it.","Dale : Trust me, you can't do this, this would be a huge mistake.","Rusty : Finally. Thank you.","Dale : Because than I'd have to get a new roommate, and I'm not spending the last two months of my freshman year with some fanatical nutjob.","Rusty : Yes, that'd be horrible. Why would they make me move anyway?","Dale : Because this is the honours engineering hall, not the average engineering hall. Who is this RA guy? Let's go see who protocols this, come on. CRU - Corridor of the dormitory","Rusty : This isn't a done deal, it is just that... I've been questioning whether or not...","Dale : Hold on. Wait, wait, where did this door go?","Guy : The seniors dockades!","Dale : We have to go in there.","Rusty : I don't know Dale I'm kind of having a late crisis.","Dale : We need to be wearing protective eyewear.","Rusty : I'm in. A few minutes later...","Dale : So why would you want to drop out of polymer science?","Rusty : It's not just as exciting as I thought it would be. Brenching out, joining a fraternity, that's been awesome. Maybe I need to explore academicly as well.","Dale : You should join me in electrical engineering. It rocks. Or as I like to say, it shocks.","Rusty : Let's get this out.","Dale : This guy is good, who would have guessed I mean he incased the whole room in plastic.","Rusty : This isn't just any plastic, this is a poly-methyl methyculate.","Dale : No, I know that I just... I didn't want you to feel stupid if you didn't know.","Rusty : You know what this means?","Dale : Let's here who's Johnny.","Rusty : Wait! This is solid shatter proof glass. The ax would bounce right off of it.","Dale : What do we do now, then?","Rusty : Chloroform would dissolve it.","Dale : Oh, you know, I used my last bottle of chloroform when I was on murdercy road.","Rusty : We could try acetone.","Dale : I got some nill posh for ever. I explain but that is all and long involving story, and we don't have time right now.","DOBLERS","Frannie : Hi Casey!","Casey : Still processing.","Evan : She seems touchee.","Frannie : Well you got your wish. Casey's freaking out.","Evan : And you have a problem with that because?","Frannie : Because it's a situation I have to manage.","Evan : Yeah but why do you care? I mean were you and Casey ever really that close?","Frannie : We were. But she has always been closer to Ashleigh. Her giant siamese twin.","Evan : Someone's jealous.","Frannie : I'm not jealous. Their birds of a feather easily distracted from the big picture. They are also very liked in the house which means if they make me a pariah again I'm...","Evan : What is she gonna tell them? Frannie is dating my ex-boyfriend? You know it already happened with Rebecca. If anything, that's just gonna make her look like a... jealous lunitate.","Frannie : You are so damn sexy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Drew : And that's how I got this scar.","Ashleigh : That is the most fascinationg story I ever heard. Let me see.","Drew : I know it sounds stupid, but it's the first time I realized my own mortality. And I even kept the glasses as a reminder.","Ashleigh : That is so sweet.","Casey : Ashleigh likes to keep little momentoes too, don't you?","Ashleigh : I keep things that means something to me. Objects, not ex-boyfriends.","Drew : So you guys are best friends, right?","Casey : And roommates. Since all four years. It's been so long I don't even notice her snoring anymore.","Ashleigh : Yeah, we've seen each other throught good times and bad. Like that time you hooked up with that 16 year-old. Too funny!","Casey : Or that time that you through yourself at the gay guy. My Gosh. Hilarious.","Ashleigh : But enough about us. We want to hear more about you.","Casey : Like do you have any pets?","Drew : I have a dog at home, named Shadow ...","Casey : Ash is terribly allergic!","Casey : Do you like icecream? Cause Casey is crazy lactose intolerance.","Casey : Ash hate Will Ferrell movies.","Casey : Casey loves Mariah Carey.","Drew : I've got to go to the bathroom.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CRU - Corridor of the dormitory","Rusty : Things gotten softer.","Dale : Yeah but not enough to matter.","Rusty : We could try irradiating it. Can we get a hold on the laser?","Dale : There is one upon the ship, Captain Kirk. Dale's cellphone rings...","Dale : Samir Elizabeth use dynamite to blow up some senior door over in Daphne hall. Do you want to go?","Rusty : No, we've come so far.","Dale : All right Rusty, listen I'm getting in the dorm room tonight. It's dynamite, it's literally gonna be a blast.","Rusty : No, you go ahead. Heat.","DOBLERS","Betsy : Hey guys!","Ashleigh : Hey, Betsy!","Betsy : I wanted to let you know that I'm commited to living sober and my 12-step plan for a success.","Casey : That's great.","Betsy : One step in my plan is making amends. So I wanted to apologize. I know that my drinking cause problems for both of you. And when I think that my crazy behavior kept either of you from having a potential relationship with a boy that could have been awesome. Well it makes me feel like...","Ashleigh : Incredibly selfish?","Betsy : Yes.","Casey : Like you've been a huge flirty butt face?","Betsy : Yes.","Ashleigh : Like you stood in the way of two soulmates who were meant to be together.","Betsy : OK wow, I get it, all right! I messed up! It's gonna be a lot harder than I thought. I have to go call my sponsor.","Casey : OK, I have a solution to stop all this.","Ashleigh : Me too. You leave.","Casey : Or we each get 15 minutes with him, alone. After that, he has to choose.","Ashleigh : Works for me. I'm much better one on one anyway. I'll go first!","Casey : So you can tell him about my waxing regiment? I don't think so. I'm first.","Ashleigh : So you can tell him I'm afraid of little people? Pretty sneaky, sis!","Casey : Fine, we flip a coin.","Both : Heads!","CRU - Corridor of the dormitory","Dale : You're still at it?","Rusty : It's thermal plastic so it should respond to heat. How do you do?","Dale : Let's just say it's a mere exaggerate quite a bid: his dynamite was 3 cherry bombs. Wouldn't have blown out my little sister's doll house. but I could get away with this close hanger. I mean it could have been easier. So I can sleep victorious.","Rusty : What was the reward?","Dale : Oh, the dude left his batteries.","Rusty : Heat is just too diffuse.","Dale : You better find a way to focus it in a hurry, you've got 30 minutes.","Rusty : What do you mean?","Dale : The senior dockades end at midnight. Maybe this will help you.","DOBLERS","Rebecca : One digital card.","Cappie : Check.","Rebecca : 2 diner passes to restaurant.","Cappie : Check. Kobe beef with first gelato who knew?","Rebecca : I have to admit Cappie. You've proven the scandals do have an up side. This must be how it feels to be Heidi and Spencer. What do girls have to do here around to get a Lemon Drop?","Girl : Turn 21 years?","Cappie : I am working on that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Drew : So where is Casey ?","Ashleigh : She'll be back in 14 and a half minutes. Can you believe that we are seating here together! I mean, first we meet at spring break. And then we both end up going to the same school! It has to be fate.","Drew : Totally, spring break was awesome.","Ashleigh : The awesomest.","Drew : So was your volleyball spike. Are you on a team here?","Ashleigh : No, I don't play volleyball. I wear too much jewelry.","Drew : Isn't that how we met?","Ashleigh : No, we met at a party. At the Hot House. You tripped me with your giant foot.","Drew : That party was insane! In fact, weren't you wearing a lifejacket!","Ashleigh : No, I was actually wearing an adorable green tunic, with flower bouquet. Chuncky. A \"Peace\" necklace. A pink hat.","Drew : The whole week is a fuzzy blair. In fact, I lost one of my favourite flip flap.","Ashleigh : I gonna go get another drink.","Drew : I can grab you one.","Ashleigh : No, you just stay put.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashleigh : He's all yours.","Casey : But you still have 13 minutes.","Ashleigh : He is so not my type. I don't know what I was thinking? Temporary insanity, I guess.","Casey : But he is your Hot Ness monster.","Ashleigh : Correction: was ... Now it's your fun new guy. Yeah, fun new guy.","Casey : Are you sure?","Ashleigh : Yeah, go. Oh wait. I found your lucky lip gloss, some how it ended up in my purse.","CRU - Corridor of the dormitory","Rusty : Right on time. Surrounded to Spitter. It is locked. It's over. You've been in there this whole time?","Max : Yeah and I will use the torch, so you may well stand back. EXT. ZBZ HOUSE - Front door","Casey : So what did you think of your first Crush Party?","Drew : It's heavy. Crush, heavy.","Casey : Got it. I'm sorry about all the weirdness.","Drew : You're just worried about Ashley, it's fine.","Casey : Yeah.","Drew : She is an amazing girl, great personality, unique fashion sens, beautiful body. She is gonna make some guy crazy happy. Maybe they'll even get married on a reality show.","Casey : They could invite the pregnant man.","Drew : They could, yes. Thought, by then he'd probably wouldn't be pregnant. The point is that she'll be fine.","Casey : You should add \"cheering people up\" to your r\u00e9sum\u00e9, under special skills.","Drew : I should. Right below \"kissing.\" Drew and Casey are kissing...","Casey : You're hired. Frannie opens the door kissing Evan...","Frannie : Good night.","Evan : Casey.","Drew : What should we do now? CRU - Corridor of the dormitory","Max : You're still here?","Rusty : Where is your key hole?","Max : I changed the door.","Rusty : That can't be fair.","Max : Senior dockades has no rules so. Ipso facto, there is no fair.","Rusty : Well, then I guess you've won.","Max : Come inside.","Rusty : What is this?","Max : The suicide prevention hotline. They are open 24 hours.","Rusty : I'm not suicidal.","Max : Good, I've heard it's tons of paperwork.","Rusty : I'm just looking for a reason to be a polymer scientist. Do they have a hotline for that?","Max : Well, my reason is kevlar, you can borrow it if you want.","Rusty : You're in polymers?","Max : First time I knew it, I was in my dad tire shop where I worked on the weekends, I was trying to tear appart this thread of kevlar from a busted tire which, of course, you can't because it's indestructible. I actually cut my hand up pretty badly. And it dondon me that some guy just created this, it was a guy and a girl actually, Stephanie Kwolec and ... Robert whatever, sorry. My point is someone thought to take the tiniest of particules to create something far superior to anything that is naturally forming.","Rusty : Like Sully Putty.","Max : Incredible stuff, huh? Consider it your reward for almost getting in. I'm impressed you didn't give up.","Rusty : I guess I can't walk away from a puzzle.","Max : Which is why you are a scientist. And that's why you're a polymer scientist. Time to go.","Rusty : No way. You work for NASA. So you must be a genius.","Max : I guess so.","DOBLERS","Cappie : Alright, it's a mixed bag. Steve Dobbler won't budge a whole serving alcohol to minors thing. But if you don this shirt every Thursday he'll compense nachos for the rest of the year. Free nachos. Lipped in salt, grease, covered in sour cream ... Lord I'm hungry!","Rebecca : Cap.","Cappie : Look, I'll give you some more stuff, I'm...","Rebecca : Cap, my parents just called. They're getting a divorce.","Cappie : I'm sorry. I bet going back savage will cheer you up. Give me a straw, and I'll drink apple juice through my nose.","Rebecca : That's it?","Cappie : I can also burp the Star-Spangled Banner. You want me to go with you?","Rebecca : I don't think Lemon Drops can fix this, Cap.","ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh's room","Casey : Up freeing some feelings?","Ashleigh : What happened with Hot Ness? I mean, Drew.","Casey : Let's just say I'm not Frannie.","Ashleigh : He's into Frannie now? He needs to seriously make up his mind.","Casey : He was walking me home when I saw Frannie kissing her new boyfriend. And it dondoned me. What got me so ticked off about Frannie is not she's with Evan, it's that she chose the possibility of a relationship with a guy over our friendship, and I was in the process of doing the same thing to you with Drew.","Ashleigh : No, Case. Really. It's fine. Drew is a great guy and he's totally into you, not me. He didn't even remember me.","Casey : What? That's impossible. You're unforgettable.","Ashleigh : Apparently not.","Casey : Well you are to me. And there is no guy on earth, dreamy enough to come between us. Come here. Except maybe Christian Bale.","Ashleigh : Or Johnny Depp.","Casey : Johnny Depp. For you totally. Totally for you. ZBZ HOUSE - Kitchen","Casey : May I have some?","Frannie : Of course.","Casey : Sometimes, you just have to wake up and smell the coffee, you know.","Frannie : You're smilling. May take it as you're done processing?","Casey : It's been processed, packaged and put on a shelf.","Frannie : So we're friends again?","Casey : Absolutely not.","Frannie : What does that mean?","Casey : Evan cheated on me, and lied to me and tried to manipulate me, Frannie. By dating him, you're basically saying that's OK. You're choosing him over me.","Frannie : I don't see it that way, Case.","Casey : I don't care, Fran.","Frannie : What happens now? What happens to big sis, little sis?","Casey : We're sisters forever, Frannie. We're just no longer friends. CRU - Dale & Rusty's room Rusty's alarm clock is ringing. He's already gets dressed and goes back to class..."],"Show Title":"Greek","Episode Number":"02x02","Episode Title":"Crush Landing","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Grey_s_Anatomy_02x11.json","Recap":["Cristina has little sympathy for Constance Ferguson, a prison inmate who jeopardizes her health just to get out of solitary confinement. The interns all keep careful watch on the family of premature quintuplets with a variety of serious health challenges. Derek and Addison argue over their living arrangements. George treats a man by using leeches , whilst Alex continues to treat the patient he accidentally put into a coma. Addison decides to teach Izzie a very painful lesson which she too once received from the chief, wanting Izzie to know the consequences of being too attached to her patients. Izzie argues with Meredith after seeing her help Alex, and to mend their friendship they buy a dog together."],"Transcript":["(Seattle Scenes)","(SGH Courtyard)","MVO: Forty years ago, The Beatles asked the world a simple question. They wanted to know where all the lonely people came from. My latest theory is that a great many of the lonely people come from hospitals. More precisely the surgical wings of hospitals.","(NICU Ward)","(Izzie, George, Cristina & Meredith are all in a room either standing over or sitting in front their respective quints who are in incubators. The babies are very tiny)","George: I have the best quint. Lucy, she just smiled at me.","Izzie: She's nine hours old, George.","George: I'm saying there are 5 babies here and clearly mine is the advanced one","Meredith: Charlotte's smart. She's got wrinkles on her forehead, very serious.","Izzie: Okay, A. This is not a competition and B. my quint kicks your quints' asses. Emily is strong, she won't let go of my finger.","Cristina: Ah, hey! Julie has her organs on the outside of her body and she's still alive thank you.","(Alex walks into the room)","Alex: Kate's the best one. (Izzie doesn't turn around to face him) Izzie.","Izzie: Leave.","Alex: Can we please just talk?","Izzie: You're too busy screwing nurses to talk. Just get out.","Alex: Can someone make sure that Kate's vitals remain stable?","Meredith: I will.","(Alex leaves)","Izzie: He's unbelievable! I am so glad I never slept with him which is his loss because I'm really good in bed. Mind blowing. Mind blowingly good in bed.","Cristina: Are you trying to seduce us?","Izzie (disdain in her voice): And then he sleeps with Olivia instead of me. Olivia.","George: Hey, I slept with Olivia.","Izzie: Yeah well then you both have bad taste.","George: You know you can't say that you weren't warned. Alex has always been Alex.","Meredith: You dodged a bullet, Iz, you're better off without him.","Cristina: Why are you even surprised? Sleep with a snake, you get bit.","Izzie (upset): Thanks, guys. For the support.","(Dr. Bailey enters the room)","Bailey: Who's on call tonight?","Izzie: I am.","Bailey: All right, the rest of you go home. Sleep. All 5 quints are still alive. It's a good day.","MVO: As surgeons we ignore our own needs so we can meet our patients' needs.","(Izzie watches as they all leave the room)","(Meredith's house)","(Meredith is lying in bed by herself awake)","MVO: We ignore our friends and families so we can save other people's friends and families.","(George is lying awake in bed by himself)","MVO: Which means that at the end of the day all we really have is ourselves.","(Quints room)","(Izzie is resting her head in the babies room looking sad)","MVO: And nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that.","(Burke's apartment)","(Burke is sitting at the dining table reading a paper with breakfast prepared laid out before him. Cristina comes rushing in from the bedroom getting dressed)","Burke: I made breakfast.","Cristina: I don't, I don't have time for breakfast. I've gotta round before everyone else does if I want to get the good cases, you know that.","(She puts on her coat and grabs her bag)","Burke: Right. Well, coffee?","(He holds up a mug of coffee for her to sit and have with him)","(Cristina misunderstands and takes the cup from him, puts it into a flask to takeaway with her and puts the mug in the sink. Burke looks confused. Cristina leaves)","Burke: Bye!","(SGH Hallway)","(George and Meredith are holding cups of takeaway coffee walking down the hallway)","George: So I was thinking uh we could ah, I mean you could ah maybe ah go Joe's later, to talk by ourselves ...","Meredith (interrupts teasing): Somewhere new? Somewhere to be ... (she stops and tells George to shh when she sees Addison and Derek arguing in front of them a few feet away)","Addison: Cause you live in a glorified camper!","Derek: 40 acres of some of the most beautiful land in Seattle!","Addison: I did not give up a Central Park brownstone to come live in the forest!","Derek: Addie, our house in the Hamptons had trees. You didn't mind those trees, did you?","Addison: They were the Hamptons.","Derek: Why are you pointing at me like that?","Addison: Don't ...","(Their argument trails off as Meredith and George stop walking behind them. Meredith turns back to George)","Meredith: I'm sorry, what were you saying?","(George looks at her and then back down the hall)","George: Oh, nothing.","(George and Meredith are entering the staff locker room. Cristina is standing there eating chips out of a bag. Izzie is sitting against the lockers fast asleep)","Cristina: Oh, does anyone have any decent food?","George: You really should eat breakfast.","Cristina: God, you sound like Burke. You know sometimes I think we would be better off with dogs.","Meredith: Preaching to the choir! I'm over men.","George: Real nice. You know a dog is not a replacement for a human being.","(Alex wanders past them)","Alex (gestures to Izzie): You guys better wake her. If Bailey catches her sleeping, she's dead.","Cristina: Izzie. (she kicks Izzie) Izzie.","Izzie (angry): Damn it, what?","Cristina (to George): Hell hath no fury like a girl whose non-boyfriend screws a nurse.","Izzie: Bitch.","Cristina (nods): I like you bitter and pissed off. You're almost like a normal person now.","(Bailey, Izzie, Meredith & Alex are entering a patient's room. George is already in there. Patient name is Carl Murphy who has enormous swelling, pooling of blood at his nose and finger)","Bailey: Okay, what do we got?","George: Ah, Karl Murphy. 52. Multiple skin melanomas. Under went reconstructive surgery to his nose, right ear, as well as skin graft to the left index finger.","Bailey: How's the capillary refill?","George: Slow. About 4 seconds.","Bailey: Ah what do you recommend to get that blood moving Dr. O'Malley?","George: At this stage our best options are probably a bio-therapeutic agent.","Karl: What, what is that?","George: We put leeches on your face.","Karl (smiles): Leeches? You don't say.","Bailey: They secrete blood thinners to help break up pooled blood so it can help be evacuated. Sorta like a, a big drain. Look if this makes you uncomfortable ...","Karl (interrupts): No, no, no. I've been a hiker for forty years. Almost forty years now and Mother Nature hasn't come up with anything yet that I haven't found reason to love.","Bailey (smiles): You're a big outdoorsman?","Karl: How do you think I got all these melanomas in the first place?","(Bailey is with her group in an open ward. She pulls open the curtains and sees Derek standing over Mr. Martin unconscious taking some notes)","Bailey: Oh Dr. Shepherd, you're in early if you'd like us to come back?","Derek: No go ahead.","Meredith: Robert Martin. 45. Collapsed and hit his head which caused a small subdural hemorrhage.","Derek (he looks pointedly at Alex): That was the problem.","Meredith: Mr. Martin was found to have a Rathke's Cleft Cyst on his pituitary and surgery was postponed when ...","(she trails off)","Alex: When I told a nurse ...","Izzie (interrupts): Olivia.","Alex: When I told a nurse to administer an incorrect dosage of hypertonic saline.","Derek (angry): Essentially dehydrating Mr. Martin's brain.","Alex: He still has chance he could wake up and be fine.","(Derek gives him a look and starts moving to walk off. Alex stops him. The others listen to their convo quietly as they try to speak privately)","Derek (scoffs): There is a chance.","Alex: I know I screwed up, just put me back on this case please.","Derek: There's not much of a case left here Dr. Karev. You saw to that. You want back on, be my guest.","(They all leave except for Alex who stands close over Mr. Martin)","(In the Quints' room Dorie and Tom are standing looking at their baby girls. Addison is checking one of them. Bailey and her interns come in, including Alex)","Addison: Oh good here you are. Mom and Dad are anxious for an update. Dr. Yang?","(Tom helps Dorie back into her wheelchair)","Cristina: Ah we've done the initial surgery on Julie's omphalocele. A primary closure was attempted but there was pulmonary comprise, so we couldn't continue...","Bailey (interrupts): Yang, how about we do this in plain English?","Cristina: Oh, um we operated on Julie's external sac of organs and we pushed in as much of the bowel we could and we think we can push in the rest with a second operation.","(Tom nods but Dorie sighs)","Dorie: She has to have a second operation?","Cristina: Yeah. (Dr. Bailey nudges her) Uh well not for a few days.","Addison: Dr. O'Malley.","George: We put in Lucy's brain shunt in yesterday and she's doing very well, but we just have to keep monitoring her to make sure the spinal fluid doesn't back up.","(Addison nods)","Addison: Stevens.","Izzie: Dr. Burke used a catheter to open Emily's atrial septum last night. Today we're going to go in and try to reconstruct the left chamber of her heart. We're very hopeful.","Addison: Dr. Grey.","Meredith: Charlotte's lungs were a little more underdeveloped than the rest of the quints so we put a special mask on her to help her breathe and we're monitoring her closely.","Addison : And that just leaves Kate.","Alex: She seems to be pretty healthy. No major issues have been identified but we're going to keep her in the isolette till she makes it to 4 pounds.","Tom: You hear that honey? Kate's doing really well.","(Dorie looks despondent)","Dorie: I'll be in my room.","(She is wheeled out of the room by a nurse)","Tom: Dr. Shepherd?","Addison: It's alright Tom. She's just had 5 babies. Her hormones are all over the place. Just give her some time. She'll come around ...","(Their conversation dies off as they make their way out of the room. Izzie looks on sad)","(Bailey and her interns are walking up stairs in the hospital)","Bailey: Grey, keep an eye on the mother of the quints. Make sure her hormones don't get the best of her.","Izzie: But I can look after Dorie.","Bailey: No you have ah Emily's heart surgery with Dr. Burke.","Izzie: But I have a relationship with the mother.","Bailey: Why are you arguing with me?","Izzie: Because I don't understand why I'm being pushed off of the case!","(Bailey stops walking and turns around to face Izzie)","Bailey: Hey, Hey Stevens! I don't know what you're so angry about but I don't care. You better keep it to yourself. (the others watch quietly) On top of every other patient we have under our care, we've got quints to worry about, understood?","Izzie (nods): Yeah.","Bailey: Look these are preemie's people, they were supposed to have spent another 8 weeks in the womb. Just like interns, they're not ready for the real world. (her beeper goes) Oh, it's the pit. Yang, come with me.","(Bailey heads back down the stairs with Cristina and the others head off in different directions)","(Bailey and Cristina are standing outside an ambulance in front of the E.R part of the hospital. The paramedic Jill walks out to meet them)","Jill: Constance Ferguson. 40. Inmate at Henderson. (she opens the back doors to ambulance) Swallowed a razor blade.","Cristina: Attempted suicide?","Bailey: Attempted field trip. Worked too.","(Some ER doctors and Jill pull out a gurney with Constance \ufffd played by Rosanna Arquette, screaming with joy)","Cristina (to Dr. Bailey): What do you mean field trip?","Bailey: It says on her chart she's was in solitary. This is her way out.","Cristina: Oh is she crazy?","(They start wheeling Constance into the hospital)","Jill (sarcastic): If you call a murder crazy.","Constance: Yeah, baby that's what I'm talking about!","(Constance is lying in a hospital bed chained by handcuffs. Two policewomen are sitting outside the room. Bailey & Cristina are in the room with Constance)","Bailey: Ms. Ferguson, are you experiencing any discomfort?","Constance: You mean apart from these snazzy handcuffs you got pinching my wrists?","Bailey (gives Cristina a look): Did you at least put tape on the blade?","Constance: I'm not an idiot.","Bailey: You swallowed a razor blade.","(Constance raises her eyebrows at her)","Bailey: So you're not going to tell me what it hurts?","Constance: What and shorten my vacation? (to Cristina) Hey since you're just standing around why don't you get me some chocolate pudding? Make the blade go down smoother.","(Bailey hands the chart over to Cristina)","Bailey: Yang, get an x-ray. Make it portable. Prisoners so we have to minimize flight risk.","Cristina: Wh, what, okay, okay but I'm supposed to check on Julie. I thought you said we were supposed to keep a close eye on the quints.","Bailey: Julie is my quint too. I got that covered, you do this.","Cristina: Are you sure you can't do it?","Bailey: I can! I choose not to!","(Dr. Bailey leaves the room)","Constance: Come on baby. I'm not gonna hurt you. I only murdered three people and none of them were doctors.","(George is entering Mr. Murphy's room. There's a jar of leeches on the table at the end of the bed. Nurse Olivia is already in there trying to put a leech on Mr. Murphy's nose)","George: Olivia.","Olivia: Dr. O'Malley.","George: How are the leeches doing?","Olivia: They're not. Still can't get them to bite.","Carl: All this blood. Think it'd be a no-brainer for a leech.","George: Sometimes they get a little anxious, bright lights (he switches off the bed side light) thunderstorms ...","Olivia (drops the leech): Ooh!","George: Nervous handlers.","Olivia (to Mr. Murphy): I'm sorry. I should be better at this. (Mr. Murphy smiles as if to say its okay) I still get a little squeamish around leeches.","George: Huh, that's not what I've heard.","(Olivia gives George a look)","Olivia: Dr. O'Malley can take over from here.","(Olivia leaves the room and George moves to where she was standing to put on the leeches)","Carl: Whoa, whoa, whoa, what was that all about?","George: Nothing. (He picks up a leech) Okay. (He gets it to bite) There we are. He's in.","(Izzie is standing by herself in an elevator looking stone-faced, arms crossed in front of her as the doors open. Olivia gets on the elevator and breathes out deeply to herself. The doors of the lift close)","Olivia: I had no idea that you and Alex were a couple. It's just ... I was having a bad day and it was good to have someone. (The elevator dings past a floor) To talk to I mean. Not good to ... Alex really is good. (She nods) I mean he's good in the way he's a good person good. Not the other kind of good. (The elevator dings past another floor) You know good in bed, good. ... Which he is as I'm sure you know, but ...","(The elevator dings open at a floor and Izzie gets off still stone faced and not saying anything)","Olivia: Oh ok. Well bye.","(Meredith is sitting at Charlotte's incubator checking on her in the quints' room. A nurse is there with her at Lucy's incubator. Derek walks in towards Lucy's incubator)","Derek: Any temperature spikes?","Nurse: No, no fever. Vitals are stable.","Derek: Good, that's very good. Go ahead, after you. Thanks.","Nurse: Thanks.","(The nurse leaves and Derek checks Lucy's chart. George is comes to the door and stops himself from walking in when he sees Meredith in there with Derek and stays outside and watches)","Meredith: So, you're giving up the trailer?","Derek: I'm not giving up the trailer. Is Addison telling people that I'm giving up the trailer?","Meredith: It's just funny, I just never would have pegged for that guy.","Derek: What guy?","Meredith: You know the marble bath, private pool, gated community guy.","Derek: Don't peg me. I'm not peggable.","Meredith (smiles): You're pegged. Deal with it.","(All of sudden Charlotte's heart monitor starts beeping rapidly. The nurse comes rushing in and Meredith stands up quickly and Derek rushes over. George enters the room. The nurse opens up the incubator)","Nurse: BP's low. She's tachycardic.","Derek: Sats?","Nurse: Dropping on high flow O2.","(Meredith is checking Charlotte with a stethoscope while the nurse uses a manual respirator pump on Charlotte)","Meredith: No breathing signs on the right side.","Derek: Her lung has collapsed.","George: Should I call the other Dr. Shepherd?","Derek: No time. (to Meredith. He holds up a thin tube) Here stick this between her 2nd and 3rd rib. Do not go too deep. You're gonna hear a small gush of air.","(Meredith takes the tube and does it. A small gush of air is released and the heart monitor stops beeping rapidly)","Meredith: I heard it.","(Derek sticks in his stethoscope from the other side to check Charlotte's breathing)","Derek: Nice job.","Meredith: Thank you.","Derek: I'm not giving up the trailer.","Meredith (smiles): Whatever you say, Dr. Shepherd.","(George stands and just watches)","(Dorie's patient room. Dorie is sitting on her bed with Tom standing near her. Meredith is there talking to them. Dorie has her back to Meredith)","Tom: Her lung collapsed?","Meredith: And I know it sounds scary but it's really not that uncommon in a preemie this size. So we've inserted a tube into Charlotte's chest and that will help her breathe until her lung can stay up on its own. (She looks at Dorie) Mrs. Russell? (Tom's phone rings and he checks it) She really is doing fine now.","Tom: That's me, I gotta go. My mom can only handle the triplets for half a day. She's 74, so...","Meredith: Mmm.","Tom (to Dorie): I'll call you as soon as I get home, ok? (Dorie nods) I love you.","(She smiles half heartedly as he kisses her forehead. Tom moves to leave the room but stops to talk to Meredith)","Tom: Could you?","Meredith: I'll keep an eye on her.","Tom: Thank you.","Meredith: Ok.","(Tom leaves and Meredith walks over to stand in front of Dorie)","Meredith: Dorie, this isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself for this.","Dorie: I've got one baby who can barely breathe and one with half a heart. Two of the others are ... (she sighs while Meredith looks at her sadly) If I'd have listened to the doctors I could've had 3 healthy girls instead of 4 who might not live until tomorrow. It was my decision. Tom agreed with the doctors. So really Dr. Grey, who else should I blame?","(Meredith is silent unsure how to respond)","(Dr. Burke and Izzie are in the scrub room adjacent to the OR getting prepped for Emily's heart surgery)","Izzie: First step in the Norwood is the cardio pulmonary bypass.","Burke: With HLHS what else do you get besides hyperplasia of the ventricle?","Izzie: Stenosis or atresia of the mitral and aortic valves.","Burke: Why are using the RV-PA conduit instead of the modified Blalock-Taussig shunt?","Izzie: It limits diastolic run off.","Burke: Well you've done your homework.","Izzie: I was on call last night. I study when I'm on call.","Burke (chuckles): Well, no matter the books say, I guarantee you; you've never seen a heart this small.","(Izzie notices Alex standing outside in the hallway)","Izzie (mutters to herself): Bet you I have.","(Bailey is checking on Julie in the quints' room)","Bailey: How you doing you? You know I'm having a baby too. (she puts on a baby voice) Yes I am. A little boy. Maybe you can meet him someday. How does that sound? Does that sound good?","(Cristina is standing the room quietly. She lets out a little hem hem and Bailey turns around to see her. Bailey closes the incubator and clears her throat talking normally now)","Bailey: Pregnancy has not made me soft. I haven't got soft. I don't do soft.","Cristina: Of course not. You were just talking to a patient.","(She walks up to Bailey with some x-ray films)","Bailey: What's this?","Cristina: The inmate's x-rays.","(Bailey takes the film to hold up and look at)","Bailey: Uh! That foolish, foolish, woman! She swallowed 4 razor blades!","Cristina: Mm-hmm.","(Constance is sitting agitated in her room by herself. She notices nurse standing outside)","Constance: Hey! Hey you! Hey nurse!","(The nurse walks in)","Nurse: Would you keep it down please?","Constance: I'm starving.","Nurse: You're NPO. No food allowed.","(Constance looks at the television program playing in her room)","Constance : Come on April baby don't go for him. He's such an idiot. (the nurse stares at her and she turns her gaze back at her) I didn't come here to starve to death. I want mint chocolate chip ice-cream! Mint, okay? Not rocky road! You better not get me that rocky road! It sucks!","(Bailey and Cristina enter the room)","Constance: Oh thank god, mama bear help me out here ok? I'm starving.","Bailey: Don't give her anything.","(The nurse leaves)","Constance: See right there you're in official violation of the 8th amendment.","Cristina: Uh you can't eat anything because you're about to undergo major surgery.","Constance: What? (to Bailey) What's she talking about?","Bailey: You're at risk for a perforated intestine and half a dozen kinds of infection. We need to operate right away.","Constance (scoffs): I don't need an operation. I taped up the blade like I always do. It passes the next day. What's the big deal?","Cristina: You swallowed 4 blades this time. That's the big deal.","Constance (shrugs): I Thought it'd buy me an extra day. Does this operation have a nice long recovery time?","(Bailey shakes her head less than impressed)","Cristina: You realize this is major surgery? It's dangerous and you could die.","(Constance is silent and just stares at her)","Constance: Mint chocolate chip. I want at least a gallon once you ghouls are done splitting me open.","(Bailey and Cristina leave)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Dorie and Meredith are outside the quints' room. A nurse and doctor are in there already. Meredith is helping put a gown on Dorie)","Dorie: What exactly is it that we're doing?","Meredith: We're visiting. We throw all this medical talk at you and outlined all these worse case scenarios which has probably scared you half to death. One thing we haven't done is actually given you a chance to be with your daughters.","(She wheels Dorie into the room. The two people in the room leave)","Dorie: How's that gonna help? If I've learned anything in these last few days is that I need to face reality.","(Meredith wheels her next to an incubator)","Meredith: Here's Kate. You can reach in and touch her if you like.","Dorie: I would like to very much.","(Dorie reaches in tentatively and strokes Kate's fingers. All of a sudden a heart monitor starts beeping rapidly. The nurse from earlier enters)","Nurse: Dr. Grey, Charlotte's not breathing!","(Meredith and the nurse rush over to Charlotte's incubator. The nurse opens the incubator and Meredith gets out her stethoscope to check Charlotte)","Meredith: Page Addison Shepherd. She's in the OR","(Dorie watches anxiously from her wheelchair)","(Addison, Burke & Izzie are operating on Emily in the OR. Various other doctor's and scrub nurse's are there)","Addison: We didn't see this on the echo.","Burke: You can never get an exact measurement.","Izzie: What?","Burke (sighs): The baby's aorta is narrower than we thought. The diameter is only a millimeter. Just not getting enough blood flow.","Addison: Damn.","Burke (to Addison): I wanted you to see this before I started closing up.","(Addison nods)","Izzie: You're closing up? You didn't do anything.","Addison: Dr. Stevens.","Izzie: No! We barely started!","Addison: Dr. Burke has done as much as he can do for now. So unless you know how to do a 1st stage Norwood, he's gonna close this baby's chest.","(Addison's pager goes off. She looks at and leaves)","(Izzie sighs shaking her head)","Burke: You ok?","Izzie: I'm fine. May I go?","Burke: Yes.","(Izzie moves away from the surgery)","(Addison enters the quints' room hurriedly)","Addison: What happened?","Meredith: She had an apneic episode. She's still not breathing on her own.","(Dorie looks startled at this.)","Addison: Let's intubate and give her surfactant. Push 0.1 atropine and 3mg of ketamine.","(They all start moving quickly to intubate Charlotte)","Nurse: Meds are in.","Addison : Tube. (They continue fixing the intubation) Okay, place the CO2 detector.","Meredith: She was doing fine with the chest tube.","Addison: That's the thing with RDS cases. (She gets her stethoscope to check the baby) We think the baby's getting better. They slip right back. Breath sounds equal. Good.","(Meredith looks up suddenly)","Meredith: Mrs. Russell.","(She looks over to the spot where Mrs. Russell was before but there's only an empty wheelchair there)","(In an OR Bailey and Cristina are operating on Constance. Bailey pulls out a razor blade. Bailey sighs)","Cristina: Unbelievable. Who would do this to themselves?","Bailey: The woman wasn't just in prison Yang. (She puts the blade in a dish held out by a scrub nurse) She was in solitary.","Cristina: Well, she's seriously deranged.","Bailey: You try spending a month, locked in a room with no windows, no one to talk to, 23 hours a day. (She pulls out another blade and discards it) See how deranged she is then.","Cristina: Dr. Bailey, she's a murderer.","Bailey: I didn't say she wasn't. (She pulls out another blade and counts them) 1, 2, 3. I said try to having no one to make your snarky comments to for a solid month. My guess is (she pulls out another blade) you'd swallow the entire razor.","(George is entering Mr. Murphy's room)","George: How are they treating you Mr. Murphy?","Karl: Oh, I've done worse for company.","George (checks the leech on Mr. Murphy's finger): Oh they're definitely filling up. Tissue is getting nice and pink.","Karl: Did you make up with that cute little girlfriend of yours yet?","George: Olivia is hardly my girlfriend.","(He moves to check the leech on Mr. Murphy's ear but it falls off. He picks it up)","Karl (looks at the giant leech in George's hand): Is she ok?","George: She? Karl (he nods at the leech): Isabella. (George looks down dumbfounded) This one here on my finger, that's Darcy. And that little guy on my nose, named O'Malley. (He chuckles. George half smiles still a little creeped out) That's right. I named him after you. You're the one that got him to bite.","George: Isabella's fine. She's just full.","Karl: Oh. (George moves to dispose Isabella) Wait. What are you going to do with her?","George: She's done her job. We don't really have any more use for her except as medical waste.","Karl: No. I'd like to keep her. If I could.","(George just stands there and stares at him)","(George is rummaging through the Medical supply stands of the hospital in a hallway)","George (to himself): Crazy nature man. You want to take a leech home as a pet. That's fine with me.","(Olivia walks up to him)","Olivia: You had no right to speak to me that way in front of a patient.","George: Yeah, well you hurt my friend.","Olivia: I had no idea Alex was seeing Izzie. That's not what you're upset about.","George: You have no idea why I'm upset. Besides you know what I don't understand is why Alex? (he turns to face her) And why again?","Olivia (nods and shrugs): People get lonely, George.","(Meredith is on the phone at the nurse's station outside Dorie's room. She is watching Dorie from there)","Meredith: Hi, Mr. Russell. It's Meredith Grey calling. I was wondering if there was any chance maybe you could bring your boys by to visit there mom. I think she could use the company. (Dorie looks despondent) Oh the flu. No definitely don't bring them. Thank you. You too.","(Alex is sitting taking notes and looking through text books sitting in front of his quint, Kate in the quints' room. No one else is in there. Meredith walks in and then walks up to him)","Meredith: You've been lying low.","Alex: Well nobody's talking to me so it makes it kind of easy, right?","Meredith (pulls up a chair and sits next to him): I'm talking to you. In short mono-syllabic sentences laced with disdain and contempt.","Alex: So what according to girl rules, now you all have to hate me?","Meredith: I don't hate you. If my mother hadn't gotten Alzheimer's I'd probably be you.","Alex: Well, really?","Meredith: Really. Before she got sick, I mean, I'd finished college but I was partying way too much and staying out way too late to keep a job. I was the one at family reunions everybody was embarrassed to talk about.","Alex: So that's what you think of me?","Meredith: Are you ok?","Alex: I almost killed a guy yesterday.","Meredith: Mr. Martin?","Alex: So I'm just trying to find anything I can to help him.","(Meredith grabs a textbook from him)","Meredith: Ok, well what are we looking for?","Alex: Ah anything on central pontine myelinolysis.","(They start looking through the books. Just then Izzie walks in straight past them to check on her quint. They look up at her. She turns around slowly and gives Meredith a look as if to say how could you do this)","Izzie (shakes her head): Unbelievable.","(Izzie leaves the room)","Meredith: Izzie.","(Alex half chuckles at the situation of it all. Meredith sighs and gives Alex the book back. Alex sighs as well looking low. Meredith gets up to chase Izzie)","Meredith: Izzie, come on.","(Meredith is following Izzie down the hallway adjacent to the quints room)","Izzie (angry): Come on, Come on? You're fraternizing with the enemy and you tell me to come on?","Meredith: Alex and I are sort of friends.","(Izzie stops walking and faces her)","Izzie (angry): Since when? Since when are you and Alex friends? You tell me to cut my losses. That I'm better off without him and as soon as I turn my back ...","(She turns around and starts walking again with Meredith following)","Meredith: Izzie, you're making way too big a deal out of it.","(She stops again and turns to face Meredith)","Izzie (angry): Right of course, because I'm the unreasonable one. You know what Meredith do whatever you want. Sleep with the guy for all I care.","(She turns around again, walking off)","Meredith: Well obviously I'm not going to sleep with him Izzie.","Izzie (angry): Why not you slept with everyone else?","(Meredith stops walking after her instantly and gets a look on her face and turns around and heads back down the way she came)","(Cristina is talking to Constance after the surgery)","Cristina: Your surgery went smoothly. You'll have some abdominal pain for a day or two.","Constance: Just a day or two?","Cristina: We'll watch you until your bowels start moving again. The average is about 36 hours.","Constance: 36? 4 razor blades and that's all you can give me? Come on sugar plum I thought we were having fun.","(Cristina makes to leave the room at this)","Constance: Don't' leave.","(Cristina turns around)","Cristina: What?","Constance: Just maybe a little conversation? They got me here in all by myself. I thought I'd have a roommate. Somebody to talk to.","Cristina: Ok. (She walks up to Constance's bed side) Why'd you kill 3 people?","Constance (sarcastic): Start off with a little small talk why don't you? (Cristina makes to leave. Constance speaks quietly) I was high. On meth. ... And I had this boyfriend who had this robbery all planned out. He said that he would leave me if I didn't help him. Things got out of control. (She sighs) He was gonna leave me. (She nods) He was all I had. I would've been all alone.","Cristina: Clearly being alone has its benefits.","(Cristina shakes her head slightly and leaves. Constance just rests her head against the pillow sad)","(George is smiling entering Mr. Murphy's room, he stops when he sees Olivia standing there. There are few giant leeches in little jars at the bed table with name tags on them. George walks up to the opposite side of the bed, facing Olivia. Mr. Murphy watches with interest)","George: You paged me?","Olivia: Another leech fell off and I can't get the new one to bite. I'm sorry they just really freak me out.","George: I'm a surgeon Olivia.","Olivia: You're an intern George.","(George grabs the container with the leeches roughly and starts getting out one)","Karl: You know what time it is? ... Time for you two kids to kiss and make up. That's what time it is.","George: Mr. Murphy, we are not a couple.","Karl: Oh you can't pull much over on me. And I say there's something between you two.","Olivia: You're right Mr. Murphy. There was.","George (looks up shocked): Olivia. This isn't the time and this really isn't the place.","Olivia: He broke up with me for this girl who doesn't even know he's alive.","George: She does so know I'm alive.","Olivia: Listen to me George. You, Meredith Grey, never gonna happen.","George (dazed): Wh, why, why, why would you even think it's Meredith?","Olivia: Anyone who's playing the slightest bit of attention knows how you feel about Meredith! Except Meredith! Which should tell you something shouldn't it! (She puts down the patient file she was holding) Sorry Mr. Murphy.","(She leaves the room quickly. George looks back at Mr. Murphy)","George: She gave me syphilis.","(Addison is sitting in chair in Richard's office facing Richard who's sitting at his desk)","Addison: Remember what you did to me? When I was an intern?","Richard: How could I forget? You didn't speak to me for almost a year. (Addison is silent looking away) But you learned.","Addison: Yeah well I think I gotta do that to Izzie Stevens.","Richard (half nods): Well she's smart, hard working. (he gives Addison a look) Gets a little too involved with her patients. A lot like you.","Addison (stands up): I know. It took me a long time to recover from that Richard.","Richard: But it made you a better surgeon Addison. (Addison nods) The question is, is she talented enough a surgeon to make the lesson worth it?","Addison: She's the best I've seen in years. I was hoping that we could ...","Richard (interrupts): You're not here to make friends Addison. You're here to make better surgeons. ( Addison nods looking down) Being a teacher can be a lonely business.","(She nods again and walks out)","(Izzie, George and Cristina are sitting at a table in the outdoor section of the cafeteria eating dinner)","Izzie: I'm telling you Meredith was all over him!","Cristina: Seriously? She was all over him? (She looks at George) What like a, mounting him? With all the babies watching? Seriously?","(Izzie rolls her eyes)","Izzie: Well she would've been if I hadn't interrupted.","George: She was talking to him.","Izzie: You don't talk to bastards that cheat on their girlfriends George! That's the rule!","George: You weren't officially his girlfriend.","Izzie: That's not the point.","George: It is kinda the point. You don't see me getting all emotion over people I'm not dating.","Izzie (raises her eyebrows and gives George a look): Really? You wanna go there?","(There's a short silence)","George (realization dawning): No.","Izzie: I'm having a moment here! Don't mess with me!","Cristina: You're not gonna have a nervous breakdown and kill yourself are you?","Izzie: No.","Cristina: So there's no chance you'll kill us? (She gestures to herself and George)","(Izzie gets up and walks off in a huff)","George: Oh that was wrong on so many levels.","Cristina (chuckles): So good.","George (smiles): Yeah, that was ... that was good.","(Cristina starts laughing)","Cristina: It was good. It was good.","(Meredith is standing in the quints' room over Charlotte's incubator looking at an x-ray film)","Meredith: Your lungs are not good. (she puts down the film) I know we got you out of there a little earlier than you would've wanted. We have to find something to help you. So if you have any ideas Charlotte...","(She looks up and sees outside in the hallway Addison giving Dorie some news. Dorie breaks down crying holding her head in her hands)","(Izzie is filling in a patient's chart at a nurse's station. Addison walks up to her dressed to go home)","Addison: Dr. Stevens.","Izzie: Ah Dr. Shepherd, is there something you need?","Addison: Yes, Dr. Burke and I have reassessed. We think that there's a chance with the Norwood if Emily can make it through the next 10 hours. Would you look after her for the night?","Izzie: I was on call last night. (Addison just looks at her) But I mean yeah, of course.","Addison: Good, good. I've left a list of meds and ah you're familiar with pediatric life support?","Izzie: Got myself certified as soon as I got in the program.","Addison: Ok then.","(She moves to walk off)","Izzie: Is there anything else I should know to look out for her?","Addison: No that should do it.","Izzie: Uh should I notify Mrs. Russell about the...","Addison (interrupts): No! I've done that. Dr. Stevens this baby is your responsibility. She better be alive when I get back in the morning.","Izzie: Ok.","(Addison walks away looking a bit unsure about the thing she is doing)","(Derek is dressed to go home at the front entrance of the hospital walking to the entrance doors. Alex comes running after him with pages of notes)","Alex: Dr. Shepherd I found these studies of the use aggressive plasmapheresis. I think these could work on Mr. Martin.","Derek: Those are all isolated cases.","Alex (sighs): Well, still the studies have resulted in approved clinical symptoms.","Derek: No, no. No trial studies have been done. There's nothing you can do.","Alex: Okay what about thyrotropin?","Derek: No. No.","Alex: European studies ...","Derek (interrupts): Karev it's over! It's done. You screwed up. Mr. Martin's fried. You fried his brain. He wakes up; you put him in a wheelchair. He dies, you killed him. ... Deal with it.","(He walks out of the hospital)","(Izzie is in the quints room injecting a drug into Emily's IV. A nurse comes in with Emily's chart)","Nurse: Dr. Stevens, baby's VO2 is still 40% after transfusion.","Izzie (nods): How's her BP doing?","Nurse: Still low. Last systolic was 52.","Izzie: Okay I'm gonna push 30ccs of NS manually.","(She injects the NS and the baby's BP starts rising on the heart monitor)","Nurse: Nice start. Pressure's 65.","(Izzie sighs and sits down in front of the incubator. The nurse leaves. Meredith walks in and stands in front of the incubator next to Izzie. She turns to talk to her)","Meredith: Hey Iz.","Izzie: Ok, really? You think I'm talking to you?","Meredith: Well I just wanted to say I'm sorry.","Izzie: What are you sorry for?","(Meredith is silent and Izzie shakes her head)","Izzie: When Derek broke up with you I never once said you're better off without him. It's not supportive, it's condescending. I was there. All I ever am is there for you guys and the one time I need you ... Just go away Meredith.","(Meredith walks out)","(Constance's room where Constance is choking. A nurse is already there. Cristina runs in)","Nurse: She was fine. She just started seizing.","(Cristina grabs a hold of Constance and looks down her throat)","Cristina: She isn't seizing, she's choking.","(She gets out a paddle stick and sticks it in Constance mouth to hold down her tongue and see what she's taken. She manages to pull out a piece of bloody glass. She looks down and around and sees a smashed lamp)","Cristina: My god, she swallowed a light bulb.","(Constance starts choking even worse. Cristina and the nurse try to stick a tube down her throat)","(Constance is wearing a oxygen mask and her heart monitor is beeping rapidly. She is still choking)","Nurse: We're losing her.","Cristina: I can see that. Don't you think I can see that?","(Cristina is checking her breathing with a stethoscope)","Cristina: She needs an airway.","(They pull down her bed and a nurse hands Cristina a silver instrument)","Cristina: Ah she's clamped down. I can't intubate. (She calls out to the hall) We need some help in here!","Nurse: You want me to get paralytics to relax the muscles?","Cristina: Ah, no she'd be dead by then.","(She grabs a manual respirator pump)","Cristina: I need a scalpel for a crich.","Nurse: You done one?","Cristina: Of course not! Go!","(The nurse leaves. Burke walks in and checks Constance with his stethoscope)","Cristina: I was gonna do a crich.","Burke: How long has she been unconscious?","Cristina: She just went down.","Burke (to another nurse): Prep O.R 2 for an emergency throacotomy.","Nurse Right away.","Burke: Cristina, she'll be okay. Come on, Come on, come on.","(He gestures for them to follow and he leaves)","(A nurse runs into the quints' room with Izzie still there sitting in a rocking chair)","Nurse: She's coding.","Izzie: Again. Ok uh, uh turn up the epi drip.","(The nurse turns up the epi drip and Emily's BP rises again)","Izzie: Ok. Ok. Ok.","(She sits down at Emily's incubator and strokes her)","(Meredith is entering Dorie's room. Dorie looks like she's packing)","Meredith: Hey, Dorie. What are you doing?","Dorie: I'm packing.","Meredith: Dorie, you've just had major abdominal surgery. You're not in any shape ...","Dorie (interrupts): I'm going home Dr. Grey. I need to go home. I can't be here. I can't watch them die.","Meredith: They're not dying. They're trying to live. And you leaving them isn't going to help them.","Dorie: I have 3 boys who need me.","Meredith: Your daughters need you.","Dorie: Don't you understand that I can't do it? I can't do it! They're too sick. They're too hurt.","Meredith: Which is why they need their mother.","Dorie: If Emily dies ...","Meredith (interrupts): If Emily dies it will be horrible. But if Emily dies and you're not here ...","Dorie: I can't even hold them.","Meredith: But you can sit with them and talk to them and let them know they're not alone in this world. That's all they need. That's all that anybody ... (she trails off, a look of dawning comes across her face)","Dorie: What?","Meredith: I think I know how to help Charlotte.","(She leaves the room with Dorie looking after her)","(Meredith is in the quints' room disconnecting Kate from her incubator. Dorie is standing behind her in a pink gown looking over her shoulder. Izzie is also in there at Emily's incubator watching)","Meredith: I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner.","Dorie: What are you doing?","Meredith: It's called co-bedding. Hospitals sometimes do it with twins when one of them is sick.","Dorie: And the other one gets better?","Meredith: It helps.","Dorie: How?","Meredith (she removes Kate from the incubator): We don't really know. Sometimes babies get stressed in the ICUs from all the activity.","(She moves Kate into Charlotte's incubator where Dorie is standing)","Meredith: This way there's someone there to comfort them. To be there with them.","(She re-connects Kate's tubes while Dorie looks over her two babies)","(Karl's room. There are jars of several big leeches swimming around. None are on Mr. Murphy any more. George is there checking on him)","George: That's excellent blood flow in all three places. You're healing very nicely.","Karl: And I like my new nose.","(George picks up the patient chart and starts writing in it)","George (notices the wedding ring): Well I'm sure your wife will like it too. Not too sure about what she'll say about your new houseguests.","Karl: Oh I'm gonna let these guys go in the lake on my favorite hiking trail. Saved my face, least I can do for 'em. And I don't have a wife.","George: Oh, I'm sorry I thought your wedding ring.","Karl: No, I'm divorced. Just never took it off.","George: By the way, ah sorry you had to see that little scene earlier.","Karl: Oh you mean talking with the girl who isn't your girlfriend about the girl who'd you like to be your girlfriend.","George: Yeah. Did she, she shouldn't have said that stuff. Did she, she, is just very unprofessional.","Karl: Yeah. (he puts a hand on George's shoulder. George immediately stops writing) But is it true? (George just looks at him) Do you like this Meredith person?","George (discomfited): I don't think that's really any of your business. (Mr. Murphy gives him a look) She's ok. I like her ok. (Mr. Murphy just sits there) All right I love her.","Karl (chuckles): Oh come on don't be embarrassed. I loved my wife. But sometimes no matter how much you love someone they just can't love you back in the same way.","(He now places his hand over George's hand)","Karl: Believe me son. Living with a woman who can't love you back, way lonelier than being alone.","(Izzie is in the quints' room with the nurse. Emily is coding again)","Nurse: What do you wanna do?","Izzie: We can, we can put her on ECMO.","Nurse: Baby this size, you're risking intercranial hemorrhage.","Izzie: Uh, it she's already coded 3 times. You paged Dr. Shepherd?","Nurse: She called to say you have to handle this for yourself.","Izzie (frustrated): What? I, it's, I'm an intern!","Nurse: Dr. Stevens.","Izzie: Just give me a second.","Nurse: You don't have a second.","Izzie: Okay, um ECMO is too dangerous; we just have to keep her going on epi.","Nurse: Too much epi and you'll stop her circulation. There's no point in keeping her heart rate if she doesn't have functioning arms or legs in the morning.","Izzie (angry): Yeah, I know that! (She pauses more calm) I'm sorry. It's just, we just going to have keep pushing epi. It's our best option. We'll just have to fina middle ground. (Izzie takes over for the nurse with the manual respirator)","Izzie (to Emily): You can do this.","(Sunrise)","(SGH Hallway)","(Meredith is standing on the mezzanine balcony hallway looking through the large window\/wall at the sunrise. Derek walks up and stands next to her)","Meredith: I can't believe you would consider moving out of your trailer. The view alone.","(Derek nods)","Derek: See the mist rise off the lake.","Meredith: Yeah.","Derek: Yeah. (silence) I'm not moving.","(Meredith nods)","Meredith: You're still you?","Derek: I'm still me.","Meredith: Good.","(George is watching them from a distance in the outdoor caf\ufffd)","(Izzie is fast asleep in front of Emily's incubator, except Emily is no longer there. The nurse from last night is checking on the other babies. Izzie wakes up)","Izzie: Where's Emily?","Nurse: They took her away.","Izzie: Where? Why didn't you wake me?","Nurse: Dr. Shepherd told us not to.","Izzie: What? (she huffs) Where's the baby?","Nurse: Dr. Stevens, she died half an hour ago.","(Izzie looks horrified)","(Seattle Scenes)","(SGH)","(Izzie is standing watching Dorie holding one of her quints in her own room. Addison is there and sees Izzie. She walks out and pulls Izzie to follow her down the hall away from the room. They stop walking and Addison turns to face her. Izzie looks distraught)","Addison: It wasn't your fault.","Izzie: You put me in charge. I fell asleep. I killed that baby.","Addison: No, you didn't. She was going to die anyway. She had a restricted atrial septum and virtually no aorta. As soon as Dr. Burke opened up her chest we knew she didn't have a chance.","Izzie (shakes her head, upset): I don't get it. You order me to stay the night to take care of her. I worked my ass off doing CPR, pumping her full of every drug on the planet and, and ... I mean god do you have any idea how scared I was? It was all for nothing!?!","Addison: Hardly. If the situation ever comes up again I know you'll be able to handle the pressure.","Izzie (angry): You lied to me!","Addison: You have to learn distances, Stevens. You'll be a better doctor for it.","Izzie (disbelievingly): A better, a better doctor?","(She shakes her head angrily at Addison and walks away. Addison looks unhappy after her and sighs)","(Bailey is entering the quints' room. Meredith is in there already looking over Charlotte and Kate's incubator. There are various other nurses in there as well. Bailey walks up to Meredith)","Bailey: Heard you worked a miracle last night.","Meredith: She came around so fast I thought the equipment was malfunctioning. Her sats are completely stable.","Bailey: She's gonna make it. (she looks at the two quints) Go home Grey. You've earned it. And Grey, way to go.","(She leaves)","Meredith (to the two quints): Did you hear that? Way to go.","(Izzie is sitting despondently in the staff locker room dressed to go home. Her hair is all wet from a shower. George walks in with Cristina and Meredith close behind. Meredith is the only other dressed to go home. Cristina and George sit on either side of Izzie. Meredith stands in front of her.)","Izzie: My baby died.","George: We know.","Izzie: She just ... died.","(They're all silent)","Meredith: I have an idea.","(Izzie looks up at her and Meredith holds out her hand. Izzie takes it and they walk out)","(Alex is sitting in a chair watching over Mr. Martin who's still unconscious. Derek walks by and sees Alex there. He looks at him thoughtful)","Derek: First person I killed, I was a second year resident. James Hanson. You should go home Alex, there's nothing you can do here.","Alex: Nobody should die alone.","(Derek nods and leaves)","MVO: 400 years ago another well known English guy had an opinion about being alone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone.","(Cristina is standing in Constance's patient room at her bedside. Constance is hooked up to a lot more monitors. The 2 cops are standing inside at the door way)","MVO: Of course it was fancier when he said it.","Cristina: Don't, don't try and talk. Your windpipe was perforated. Dr. Burke repaired it and you should be fine. ( Constance reaches out to take Cristina's hand but Cristina backs away) Uh we'll keep you here at least 10 days for observation. Make sure there's no infection. (She moves to walk off but then turns back quickly) Maybe just to be on the safe side we'll make it 2 weeks.","(Constance smiles thankfully at Cristina. Cristina smiles and leaves the room)","MVO: No man is an island entire unto himself.","(Meredith and Izzie are walking past a long fence in kinda of an industrial place. They stop suddenly and bend close to the fence)","Meredith: Oh. That's him.","Izzie (smiling): Yeah that's him.","(Derek is sitting in an empty gallery overlooking an empty OR. He's writing notes in a patient chart. Addison walks in and sits next to him)","Addison: I'm lonely, Derek.","(He puts the chart away and they look at each other)","MVO: Boil down that island talk and he just meant that all anyone needs is someone to step in.","(In Burke's apartment, Dr. Burke is sitting eating breakfast. Cristina walks in and stands in front of him for a few seconds before deciding to sit down as well. She takes a slice of his toast and takes a bite of it. He looks at her and then smiles down into his plate)","MVO: And let us know we're not alone.","(Izzie and Meredith are in the townhouse living room holding up a blue soft toy playing keepings off with a dog. They're laughing and having a blast)","Izzie: Get it. Good boy! Good boy Doc!","Meredith: Ok!","MVO: And who's to say that someone can't have 4 legs. Someone to play with or run around with.","(George walks in to the nearby hallway dumbfounded by the presence of the dog. Izzie throws the blue bear into his hands. The dog runs barking at George who runs off. Izzie and Meredith laugh)","(Kate & Charlotte are lying asleep in their incubator)","MVO: Or just hang out."],"Show Title":"Grey's Anatomy","Episode Number":"02x11","Episode Title":"Owner of a Lonely Heart","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Grey_s_Anatomy_02x15.json","Recap":["Amidst a strike by the nurses, Meredith revives an elderly patient without knowing she's not supposed to. As the patient dies with her friends at her side, Meredith realizes she doesn't want her mother to die alone, and allows the chief to continue visit her, something she initially was upset with. George ends up on the nurses' side. Izzie treats a pregnant teenager with whom she has much in common, and her interfering upsets the patient's mother, Izzie also reveals to the patient that she has a daughter. Cristina is irritated with the perky new resident, Sydney, and asks for Burke's intervention when Sydney attempts a risky procedure to save a woman's infected leg from amputation."],"Transcript":["(SGH)","(The floor of SGH where there is a thick red line)","MVO: In surgery there is a red line on the floor that marks the point where the hospital goes from being accessible to being off limits to all but a special few. Crossing the line unauthorized is not tolerated.","(SGH Entrance)","(There is a large group of nurses protesting having formed a picket line in front of the hospital. They are chanting 'Fair hours, fair wages!' They're also holding various signs protesting. George and Izzie stand at the end of the picket line looking at it all)","George: Can't. Can't, can't cross the picket line. I can't.","Izzie: I don't like it either, George, but what choice to we have? Ok you took an oath to heal. You're a healer.","George: Dad's a truck driver. Mom's a teacher. The evening news shows me crossing the picket line ... they'll outlive me just to pee on my grave.","(Izzie gives George a weird look)","MVO: In general, lines are there for a reason.","(Cristina walks up to them)","Cristina: Has there been any blood yet? Heard they brought in scab nurses.","MVO: For safety. For security. For clarity.","Izzie: I think the nurses know that we are on their side.","Nurses: Don't cross the line!","Izzie: Don't they?","Cristina: Well we're doctors. We have sick patients inside. We have surgeries.","Izzie: Ok. ... Then you go first.","Cristina: Screw it.","(She heads through the line and has food thrown at her which she attempts to fend off)","Cristina: Yeah doing my job! Doing my job! Ha-ha!","(She makes it into the hospital)","Izzie (to George): They threw food at her!","(George nods)","Izzie: That is just wrong! Fine I'm going in!","(She goes in and also has food thrown at her. She uses her bag to fend the fruit off. In the mass of nurses she walks past Olivia who screams at her)","Olivia: Change your own bed pan Stevens!","Izzie: Yeah, enjoy your syphilis Olivia.","(She makes it to the front doors and squeals as one last one is thrown at her)","Izzie (yells out): George, are you coming?","George: No, I'm good here.","(He just stands at the end of the picket line watching)","MVO: If you choose to cross the line, you pretty much do so at your own risk.","(Meredith is entering the Nursing Home where Ellis is. She walks up to the nurse on duty)","Meredith: Good morning.","Nurse: Morning, Meredith.","Meredith: How is she today?","Nurse: She's great. She really lights up when Dr. Webber visits.","(The nurse turns to look into the living room and Meredith follows her gaze. There she sees Richard and Ellis having a good old laugh in the living room. Meredith appears shocked and confused at the closeness the two appear to have. Especially with all the not so subtle touches on each other's arm)","Ellis (laughs): And I did not back down. Not in my OR. Not in front of those jock ortho idiots.","Richard (chuckles): Yeah that was the last time Windsor called you little lady. Not even behind your back.","Ellis: One day I'm gonna be the Chief of Surgery. First woman Chief! You watch!","Richard: I don't doubt it Ellis.","(Ellis laughs kinda evilly)","MVO: So why is it ...","Richard (takes one of Ellis' hands in his): Don't doubt it for a minute.","MVO: ... the bigger the line, the greater the temptation to cross it?","(Meredith seems weirded out and leaves the way she came)","(Outside of SGH picket line where the nurses are still chanting and George is still standing in his stand still position)","(SGH)","(Patricia is walking down the hall with one of the temp nurses up to a nurses' station. The place looks a little bit like a disaster area)","Patricia: And I can't say this enough charts are organized by room number. I know your temp nurses but there's no excuse for sloppiness.","(The nurse nods and walks into an adjoining room. Patricia walks up to the nurses station where are Derek and Burke standing going over their own charts, complaining about the whole situation and how they can't do their job properly)","Patricia (interrupts their babble): You know why I stopped being a nurse? Doctors. Doctors who don't know how to pitch in.","(She walks off)","Burke: Right.","(Richard walks by and the two pounce on him)","Derek: This place is going to hell.","Burke: We need to find a way to compromise.","(Burke walks off)","Derek: We need the real nurses back.","Richard: We need an additional 40 nurses to relieve the overtime that they're striking about. That's 2 million dollars a year we don't have.","Derek: Have you checked under the couch? I always find spare change under the cushions. (Richard gives him a sour look) Ok, I'm silencing myself.","(Richard and Derek part ways)","(Cristina, Alex and Izzie are waiting for their new resident. Cristina sees a doctor walk by)","Cristina: Yes, yes that's him. He's been published twice and he's flawless.","Izzie: Oh, I don't want that guy. That guy's a freak. He doesn't let you speak in the OR.","Cristina: Yeah, but he's flawless.","(Another doctor walks by)","Alex: I think it's him. What's his name again?","Cristina: Oh yeah, mouth breather guy. But he'll let you do a procedure on your own if he likes you.","(Meredith walks up to them)","Meredith: What are we doing?","Alex: Trying to figure out who they're going to pick for Bailey's replacement.","(A loud booming voice sounds from the stairs)","Sydney: Yang, Stevens, Grey, O'Malley, Karev!","(A young, cheerful female doctor named Sydney Heron bounds down the stairs and makes her way up to them)","Sydney: Here you are! I was looking for you guys in the locker room but you weren't there and then I thought well maybe my interns are looking for me too and then I come out her and here you are. (She chuckles) Yeah. (Cristina looks horrified) You guys look like a great group. (Meredith looks like she wants to laugh) Which is awesome. Because my horoscope said it's going to be a very challenging day and I was a little worried but no you guys ... yeah, you look like a good group. Which is great! Because we're going to have so much fun! Hi!","(She holds out her arms and hugs Cristina)","Sydney: Hi, First of all hi! Hi.","(Cristina remains stiff and uncomfortable)","Cristina: Ow, ow, ow.","(Sydney backs up)","Sydney: Ooh, am I hurting you?","Cristina: Ah, no you're, you're touching me.","Sydney (has an Oh look on her face but loses it quickly): I'm Sydney Heron. 4th Year and my philosophy just so you know is um is heal with love. (Alex and Izzie raise their eyebrows) Ok, so wonderful. So, Alex, Izzie, Meredith, Cristina and our little group is just missing-","Cristina (interrupts): O'Malley. Yeah he's cowering behind the strike line like a little girl.","Sydney: Standing up for what he believes in, that's my kind of little girl. Right? So ... The E.R needs somebody down there for a consult, does anybody ... who wants to ...","Meredith: We get to pick?","Cristina: Oh me, I'll, I'm on it.","Alex: I'll help.","(They both dash off quickly)","Meredith: I have patients I need to check on.","(She dashes away fast as well leaving Izzie by herself)","Sydney: So it looks like it's just you and me, Izzie McGee.","Izzie (force chuckles): Right, right, it's ah, It's ah Stevens. It's Izzie Stevens.","Sydney: Oh, no I knew. I was just rhyming.","Izzie: Oh, rhyming right, yeah. That's, that's neat.","(Addison comes up to Izzie)","Addison: Hey Dr. Stevens.","Izzie (answers eagerly): Yeah.","Addison: Could use you on a consult?","Izzie: Ok. I'm on it. Absolutely.","(She drops what she's doing and grabs Addison's file. They leave)","Sydney: Yeah.","(The pit where Alex and Cristina are walking with an ER resident)","Alex: You need a consult for a rash?","Resident: It's spreading pretty fast. I wanted to make sure nothing surgical going on.","(Cristina moves back the curtain concealing a bed)","Cristina: Mrs. Solomon, oh!","(A young couple, Claire and Wade Solomon are making out pretty heavy on the bed. Alex looks amused. They stop when they realize the doctors are there)","Claire: Oh god. Sorry. Sorry.","Wade: We're on our honeymoon.","Claire: Yeah.","Alex (nods approvingly): Sweet.","Cristina (shoots Alex a disapproving look): Ah, can you um ... dismount? Please.","Claire: Yeah.","Cristina: Ok, great.","(Wade starts moving off the bed)","(Meredith is walking down the hall when she hears a person crying out)","Grace: Len!","(Meredith walks up to the door where she's an elderly woman named Grace Bickham lying on a hospital bed looking like she's in pain)","Grace: Lenny is that you?","(Meredith looks around for any doctors but she can't see anyone)","Grace: Lenny!","(She has trouble breathing and Meredith rushes in)","Meredith: Are you ok ma'am? (She looks down at her name on the bed) Grace Bickham. Mrs. Bickham do you know who your doctor is?","Grace: Len, Lenny ...","Meredith: I don't see your chart here.","Grace: Are you there?","Meredith: I'm gonna need you to calm down for me, ok?","Grace: Lenny?","Meredith: Is that your husband?","Grace: Oh, where is he? He was here.","Meredith: I'm sure he'll be back any moment. You're having some trouble breathing. I'm going to need to run some tests. (Grace just moans) Nurse! I need a nurse in here!","(Picket Line)","(George is still standing outside, shaking his head and refusing to go in. The nurses are still chanting 'Fair hours, fair wages'. Nurse Olivia walks up to him holding her own sign looking resigned)","Olivia: You can go, George. We won't throw donuts.","George: Oh I can take the donuts.","Olivia: Then what are you still doing here?","George: Teachers strike of '03 mom walked the line for 48 days. I can't ... just, I can't cross.","Olivia: So go home.","George: I can't go home! You just don't go home. Yeah and get kicked out of the program. Lose my place as a resident. I'm a doctor, no way. Don't... Don't...I'm a union guy.","(Olivia smiles broadly)","Olivia: So that means ...","George: Give me that sign.","(George takes the sign from her and walks down the picket line. The sign reads 'Proud to be a Nurse'. The nurses applaud him)","Olivia: Alright, Dr. O'Malley!","(Grace's room)","(Grace is having more trouble breathing than before)","Meredith: Help! I need a nurse in here please!","(A temp nurse named Angela comes in)","Meredith: Her pressure's falling. She's stopped breathing.","Angela: Whoa. Is she dying?","Meredith: Are you a nurse?","Angela: Um, I'm like a nursing student.","Meredith: I need to intubate. Get me a 7 and a half tube. They're out in the hall.","(Angela rushes out as Meredith prepares to intubate Grace. Angela comes back in quickly with a tray of stuff)","Meredith: Not that one. The one that says seven five.","(She hands Meredith the tube and she intubates. Angela holds a breathing bag and pumps it. Meredith checks Grace's heartbeat)","Meredith: I'm in.","Angela (smiles): Awesome.","(Meredith gives Angela a look and she immediately stops smiling)","(Exam room where Addison and Izzie are performing an ultra sound on a young black girl named Cheyenne Wood who is pregnant. Cheyenne's mother sits next to her)","Cheyenne: Is that too much?","Addison: It's a lot of extra amniotic fluid Cheyenne but your baby looks strong.","Ms. Wood: Does that mean we can go? I mean appreciate you seeing us, I really do but this is a long drive for us and I can't afford to miss another shift.","Addison (to Cheyenne): Unfortunately Ms. Wood the mass on the baby's neck is what's causing the build up in fluid. It's also obstructing her airway and the spine.","Cheyenne: Mom.","Ms. Wood: It's alright. Just listen.","Addison: We're going to do a procedure called an exit surgery. Basically we do a C-section and only half deliver the baby.","Cheyenne: Half deliver?","Addison: That's right. We pull the head and the arms out but we don't cut the umbilical cord.","Cheyenne: Why?","Izzie: The tumor won't let air get to the baby's lungs. So we need the umbilical cord to keep her alive during the operation. It's kinda cool if you think about it. You'll be like your baby's life support machine.","Addison: And then after the surgery if all goes well, we cut the umbilical cord and you'll be the mother of a healthy baby girl. How does that sound?","(Cheyenne looks relieved)","Ms. Wood: That sounds expensive.","Addison: Well your doctor at the clinic is a former student of mine, so it's covered. (To Izzie) I'm gonna go head up and take this to the lab.","(She leaves the room)","Izzie: The hospital gets a write off the surgery. And it makes Dr. Shepherd look good, so ...","Ms. Wood: So it's not charity?","Izzie: It's not charity. What time's your shift?","Ms. Wood: 6 to 6.","Izzie: Graveyard. (Mrs. Wood nods) In Chehalis?","Ms. Wood: Yeah.","Izzie: It's 3 hours away. Better get going. (Mrs. Wood looks at her) I'll look out for her.","(Cheyenne nods at her mother)","(Meredith is walking down the hallway where she sees Richard standing in front of the OR board. She walks up to him)","Meredith: Chief.","Richard: Hello, Meredith.","Meredith: Saw my mother this morning.","Richard: Did you? How is she?","Meredith: She's fine.","Richard (uneasy): I'm glad to hear it. Give her my best.","(He walks off)","(The pit where Claire is now sitting up right on the bed with Wade sitting next to her on a chair. Claire and Wade are very touchy feely. Alex is there. Cristina is there also drawing a black line across her leg)","Claire: Why are you...","Cristina (interrupts): Oh I'm drawing a line to mark the borders of the infection. We'll watch it for a couple of hours. If it doesn't cross the line you'll get IV antibiotics.","Wade: And if it does cross the line?","Alex: Well it would mean the infection is aggressive. We'd have to do a muscle biopsy.","Claire (stops giving lovey-dovey looks and looks concerned): You have to take out a piece of my muscle?","Cristina (nods): Mmm Hmm.","Claire: Well we're supposed to run a 10k tomorrow.","Cristina: Oh, on this leg I doubt it.","Alex: Can you tell us when you first noticed the rash?","Wade: When we were climbing Rainer yesterday.","(Sydney the cheerful Resident comes up to them)","Sydney: Wow! You took the Emmons Glacier route?","Claire: Please you can do that in an SUV. We did 'Liberty Ridge'.","Sydney: Wow! That's hardcore. (She shakes Wade's hand) Hi. I'm Sydney Heron. These guys teacher.","Claire (shakes her hand): Hi. I'm Claire. This is Wade. It's our honeymoon.","Sydney: Wow, that's amazing. God, look at that rock.","Cristina (annoyed): Ah did you sustain any trauma on the hike? Did you fall down? Or bang your leg against something?","Claire: No.","Wade: Oh, she cut her foot on some oyster shells at the beach a couple of days ago. (He turns to Sydney) We were windsurfing in 'Puget Sound'.","Sydney: Oh wow sounds like you guys are going to need a honeymoon to recover from your honeymoon.","(Wade and Sydney chuckle and Alex forces himself to chuckle. Cristina mean while checks Claire's leg)","Claire: Ow.","(Cristina continues checking)","Claire: My leg's going to be ok though, right?","Alex: Oh, yeah, yeah, it's probably just a simple skin infection.","Cristina: Ah, no it's not. Look.","(They all look closely at the black line. The infection has passed the line really fast)","(Meredith is wandering down the hallway. Derek comes up to her)","Derek: Hey.","Meredith: Hey.","Derek: Your dog's fine.","Meredith: He's your dog now.","Derek: Hmm.","Meredith: I miss him.","(Derek nods and is about to speak but Addison comes up and interrupts)","Addison: He misses you too.","Derek: Ah.","Addison: You should come visit. (Meredith looks uncomfortable. Addison chuckles) The dog, I mean.","Meredith: I'm walking away now.","(Meredith walks off. Addison turns and faces Derek)","Addison : So um I'm looking for a neurosurgeon to consult on a fetal spinal tumor. You know anybody good?","(Derek chuckles)","(Picket Line outside where the nurse's are marching and still chanting. George is marching with them, still holding his 'Proud to Be A Nurse' sign. Nurse Debbie, Olivia and Tyler are all walking behind George whispering to each other)","Olivia: Don't ask George.","Debbie: Why not he's a doctor? Go ahead.","Olivia: Don't worry about it.","Debbie: Just go ahead.","(George notices this)","George (to himself): I see whisper and point. I'm showing support, they whisper and point.","(Olivia walks up to him)","Olivia: George.","George: What?","Olivia: We need a favor.","Debbie: Ava Jekins in PEDS, Room Forty-One, Fourteen. It's almost time to change her dressing and it's scary for her but if you sing the alphabet or the 'wheels on the bus' song she can handle it.","(George looks mighty confused)","Tyler: Mrs. O'Brien, Twenty-four, twelve. She'll have a major panic attack if they don't check on her at least once an hour.","Olivia: And there's this guy in Twenty-nine, Twenty-four-","George (interrupts): Hey, Hey, hang on! Hang on!","(They stop walking near the side of the line)","George: What you want me to cross the picket line?","Olivia, Tyler & Debbie: Yeah.","George (amazed): Why?","Olivia: Because they're our patients too, George. (looks nervous) And we can't.","(OR where Sydney is operating on Claire Solomon's leg. Alex and Cristina are helping and watching)","Sydney: Anyone care to probe the wound?","Cristina & Alex (at the same time): I do.","Alex: I'd really like to try your method of healing with love.","Sydney: I like the way you think Alex. (She hands him the scalpel while Cristina looks on annoyed) You do the honors. ( Sydney notices Cristina's look) Cristina, looks like someone needs to learn how to share. (To Alex) Oh, there just go ahead and slide it in.","(A phone rings)","Alex: Whoa. No resistance.","Cristina (hisses to him): Let me see.","(Cristina grabs the scalpel off him)","Nurse (holds a phone up to Sydney): Dr. Heron.","(Sydney listens to whoever is on the line)","Sydney (into the phone): Yes?","Cristina: Oh! No healthy muscle gives away that easily.","Sydney: Oh my god. Oh this poor girl.","(She pulls away from the phone and the scrubs nurse hangs up)","Sydney: Ok everyone, we're locking down the O.R. All non-essential personnel must leave now.","Cristina: Was that pathology? Is she...","Sydney (interrupts): It's necrotizing fasciitis.","Alex (amazed): The flesh eating bacteria?","Sydney: In the flesh.","(Meredith is entering Grace's room. Patricia is in there looking concerned)","Meredith: Oh good somebody's in here. How's she doing?","Patricia: You intubated her?","Meredith: Yeah.","Patricia (disapproving): You intubated her.","Meredith (defensive): I had to. She was struggling to breathe. Her sats were in the 80s. She was in her room all alone. (She notices Patricia's look) What?","Patricia: One of the temp nurses found the paperwork from her chart on the second floor. And...","(Grace's friends are standing at the doorway of the room and are outraged)","Agnes: You put a tube in Grace!","Ruth: She put a tube in Grace?","Eleanor: She put a tube in Grace?","Patricia: Mrs. Bickham was diagnosed with end-stage COPD. She's on hospice.","Meredith: End of life care?","Patricia (holds out the chart with DNR on it): DNR. Do not resuscitate.","(Ruth comes in and bangs her bag against Meredith's back. Meredith jumps and turns around startled)","Ruth: You little schnook. You were supposed to let her die.","(Meredith is surrounded by Grace's friends in Grace's room. Patricia has left the room)","Eleanor: No machines, she said.","Agnes: She did. I remember because her daughter Alice was there with her girlfriend... Ah She's a lesbian. (Meredith nods but looks uncomfortable) The daughter. Nice girls. But...","Ruth (interrupts): Stop with the rambling Agnes. Make your point.","Meredith: I'm sorry.","(She walks out of their little surrounding circle and turns to face them)","Meredith: Who are you, exactly? Mrs. Bickham's sisters?","Agnes (chuckles): Oh no. No. (The other two shake their head) Her sister Rose died in '83.","Ruth: May she rest in piece.","Agnes: Influenza. Or croup.","Eleanor: Only babies die of Croup! Rose died with a cold in her chest.","Agnes: Pneumonia!","Eleanor: Right, pneumonia. And there was her other sister, Harriet.","Ruth: May she rest in peace.","Agnes: They cremated her.","Ruth: Gracie wanted to die. She made us all promise.","Meredith: This really is something that I need to speak with her husband about.","Eleanor: Lenny never talked much when he was alive. Good luck getting a word now.","Meredith: Lenny's dead?","Ruth: May he rest in peace.","Meredith: But Grace said she just saw him.","Agnes: Because she was trying to cross-over.","Ruth: She almost died twice in the last month. Said she saw him each time. You ask me that's a little meshugena.","Eleanor: It's not meshugena! He was waiting for her in the light.","Agnes: Mmm Hmm.","(Ruth rolls her eyes)","Agnes (to Meredith): Which thanks to you, she can't reach now!","(Eleanor nods)","(George is still dressed in his normal everyday clothes walking quickly down the hospital hallway with a notepad. He sees the Chief opposite and darts to the side to avoid him)","Richard: O'Malley, I need you to round all those 21...","George (interrupts): I'm not here.","Richard: Excuse me?","George: I'm here but I'm not here.","Richard (angry): You won't be anywhere in about thirty seconds if you don't...","George (interrupts): Sir, all do respect, no offense intended. Ah but I won't cross the picket line.","Richard: And yet somehow you're standing in front of me.","George: Uh, yep well because some of the nurses want me to check on their patients and so I am but then I'm going right back out there to join them.","Richard: You're a doctor!","George: Yes sir ... but I'm also a union man. ... All do respect, no offense intended.","Richard: Fine!","(He starts to walk off)","George (runs after him): Sir, while I have you here I'm supposed to tell you that ah Mrs. O'Brien in twenty-four twelve is allergic to chocolate but she pulls the allergy sticker off her chart every chance she gets.","Richard: Wonderful.","George: And ah that ah you're supposed to watch Mr. Roberts in Twenty-One Nineteen take and swallow his diuretics. Apparently he likes to hoard them under his mattress.","(Richard stops walking and turns around angrily)","Richard: Is that it?","(George nods fast. Richard turns around)","George: 40 to 50 hours of mandatory overtime is extremely...","Richard: O'Malley!","(George turns and runs off)","George: Yes sir, I'm very sorry. No offense intended!","(Waiting room where Cristina, Sydney and Alex are delivering the news to Wade about Claire's leg)","Wade: What? Wait, flesh eating ... I mean this is some kind of joke right? She put you up to this.","Cristina: Ah no it's not a joke. We have to amputate the leg.","Sydney (disapprovingly): Cristina.","(Cristina gives her a 'what' look)","Wade: We're on our honeymoon.","Sydney: I'm sorry Wade. I know this is scary but amputation is not the only option.","Cristina: It's the only sane opt... (She stops herself and turns to Wade) Excuse me if we don't get this infection under control immediately she is going to die.","Wade: But there is another option?","Alex: Well we can try to save the leg by cutting out the infection. It won't be pretty but we might be able to keep it functional.","(Cristina looks like she can't believe this is even being discussed)","Sydney: Gold star for Dr. Karev.","Wade: Ah I need to see her.","Cristina: There's no time.","Alex: By the time we take her out of anesthesia and put her back under ... you need to make a decision now.","Wade: Uh I mean she runs marathons. This is our adventure honeymoon. It's, it's who she is.","Sydney: Ok, then we'll do everything we can to save the leg.","(Cristina looks upset and Sydney walks off. Alex follows and Cristina catches up to him)","Cristina: You seriously think this is a good idea?","Alex: I seriously think this is a way cooler surgery.","(He walks off)","(Cheyenne's patient room where Addison, Derek and Izzie are talking to her)","Derek: Cheyenne, the prognosis is very good. So what we want to try to do is go in and get as much of the tumor out as possible during your surgery.","Cheyenne: So my baby will be fine?","Derek: Yes.","Addison: You may be able to take your baby home by the end of the week.","Cheyenne: That soon?","Addison: Absolutely. She'll be all yours.","Cheyenne: Oh. Ok.","Derek: Ok. Now, if you and your mother have any questions Dr. Stevens will page me. All right?","Addison: See you later.","(Derek nods to Izzie and both he and Addison leave the room. Izzie picks up a book of Cheyenne 's bed table)","Izzie: Oh, Shakespeare.","Cheyenne: I was reading it to my baby. It's really homework for English. Was. The baby wasn't due for another few more weeks. And now I guess ...","Izzie: No more school.","Cheyenne: It's weird. It's like when you're in school ... you hate it.","Izzie: Until you can't go anymore.","(Cheyenne just stays silent)","Izzie: Have you made any plans?","Cheyenne: Plans?","Izzie: Bought a crib? Called about child care? Looked into assistance?","Cheyenne: Not yet.","Izzie: You gonna live with your mom?","Cheyenne: I'm supposed to be saving money to get my own trailer home. I don't know I guess I thought that I'd have more time. Nine months go by fast.","Izzie (kinda teary eyed): Yeah, yeah it does. (She fakes a smile) I'll see you later.","Cheyenne: Bye.","(Izzie takes her chart and leaves)","(OR where Sydney, Alex and Cristina are operating on Claire's leg)","Cristina: So, Sydney, have you seen a lot of necrotizing fasciitis?","Sydney: No have you?","Cristina: If the infection moves to her bloodstream she'll die.","Alex: If she wakes up without her leg she might wish she had.","Sydney: Yeah, Dr. Karev is right. She's young, she's healthy, she's a newlywed.","Cristina: And your treatment plan is based on? Cuteness? If she were an 80 year old man, you'd amputate in a heartbeat.","Sydney: She's not 80. Where's your compassion?","Cristina (disbelievingly): My, my compassion? Trying to save a patient from death is pretty compassionate.","Sydney: I must say I'm disappointed in you. Why can't you be more like Alex?","Cristina: Excuse me?","Sydney: Yeah this guy, he's compassionate. He's warm. He's fighting with me to save Claire's leg.","Alex: And we're going to win that fight.","Sydney: Yes.","(Alex laughs silently at Cristina but Sydney doesn't notice)","Cristina: Ah excuse me, restroom.","(She leaves the table)","(Cristina is walking the hospital hallway looking for Burke. She finds him in front of the nurses' station outside the O.R board. She walks up to him)","Cristina: Burke.","Burke: Hey, I thought you were in surgery.","Cristina: I was. Necrotizing fasciitis.","Burke: No kidding? So why are you out here?","Cristina: Because the new resident, ah she's the new Bailey. Except that she's the exact opposite of Bailey in the most absurd, horrifying, profoundly disturbing ways.","Burke (warningly): Cristina.","Cristina: I think the new resident is killing our patient.","(Burke looks up at this)","(Burke and Cristina are entering the OR with Sydney and Alex still operating on Claire's leg. There is only one other scrubs nurse in there)","Burke: Dr. Heron is it?","Sydney: It is and you are?","Burke: Preston Burke.","Sydney: Dr. Burke. Wow, no kidding. (She chuckles) I'm a huge fan.","Burke: Thank you. I um I heard you had a case of necrotizing fasciitis and we don't see a lot of those around here.","(Alex shoots Cristina an annoyed look)","Sydney: Hmm. Yeah well being a cardiothoracic surgeon I wouldn't think you saw any.","Burke: Right ... well I was just curious about what protocol you were following here.","Sydney: You were curious or Cristina was concerned?","Burke: I'll hope you'll forgive the intrusion. It's nothing personal. (She nods) It's just that we haven't worked with you before and Dr. Yang wanted to be sure...","Sydney (stops doing the surgery, turns around and interrupts): Dr. Yang wanted to be sure that perky little bimbo cheerleader wasn't in here trying to kill a patient. Am I right? Now with all do respect Dr. Burke I know you don't know me very well but I'm pretty good at what I do. And my patient is a 25 year old marathoner and I've told her husband I'm going to try and save her leg. So my plan is to stand here for as many hours as it takes to scrape away every last cell of necrotic flesh. Now when I'm done, if it's still spreading, then we'll take the leg. And if we do then our eager young intern here can hold the saw. Now unlike Dr. Karev, kindness and compassion aren't very high on her list of priorities but a little bone-saw action well maybe that will earn me some respect. (She turns back to the surgery) Am I right? Now Dr. Yang, you ready to scrub back in?","(Cristina leaves the OR upset)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Richard is talking to Grace's three friends sitting in a small waiting room. Meredith is standing watching)","Eleanor: You're the head of this whole hospital?","Richard: Just the surgeons.","Eleanor (pats Richard's leg): Well they should make you the head of everything.","Ruth (mutters to Agnes): She's batting the lashes. You see that, she's batting the lashes.","Agnes: Dr. Webber, the point is Grace wants to be with her Lenny. She misses him terribly.","Meredith: You realize if I pull out the tube, Grace will die.","Agnes: We're old magpie, not daft.","Ruth: Pull the plug already. It's what she wants.","Richard: Ladies, I appreciate your concern for your friend but we need to contact a durable power of attorney to sign the release.","Eleanor: That's Alice. Call Alice.","Agnes: Grace's daughter.","Ruth: She's a lesbian.","Eleanor: Well that's ok, isn't it? I mean she still could have the power of attorney.","Richard: Ah fine. We'll need Alice's signature.","Ruth: Good luck. She lives in Oregon.","Agnes: Oh she could fax it.","Richard: I'm sorry. We'll need her original signature.","Eleanor (coos): Can't we just skip that part?","Ruth (mutters to Agnes): Bat the lashes again. I think it was working.","Richard: Excuse me, ladies.","(Richard stands up and starts walking away with Meredith)","Meredith: You're like the old lady whisperer. (Richard cringes) They really cheer up when you come around.","Richard: Meredith, you understand that if the daughter shows up tomorrow and confirms she is DNR ...","Meredith: I have to kill my patient, I know.","Richard: How you doing? Something I can do for you?","Meredith: Oh I'm fine, sir. I don't need any help from you. Thank you.","(She walks off)","(Izzie is walking down the hall dressed to go home past Cheyenne's room. She gets teary-eyed as she sees Cheyenne reading her baby Shakespeare)","(Joe's Bar)","(A group of nurses are camped out at the bar. A large portion of them toast George with their beers and wines)","Olivia: To Doctor O'Malley!","Nurses: Yeah!","(They clink glasses. George laughs)","(Cristina, Meredith, Izzie and Alex are having a drink at the bar. Joe is serving them)","Cristina: She called me unkind. Unkind and lacking in compassion. In front of my boyfriend! I am not unkind.","Meredith: I think I have to kill a woman tomorrow. I have to take out the tube that's keeping her alive.","(Meredith turns to look at the person sitting next to her. Cristina throws a peanut at her)","Cristina: Izzie.","Joe: This is the part where you say what's wrong with you.","(Izzie remains quiet)","Cristina: Where are you going?","Izzie: I have to go, I forgot something at work.","Meredith: I have to kill a woman tomorrow.","Cristina: And that is a problem, why? I mean if it's what she wants, it's what she wants! And that is not unkind or lacking in compassion. I'm a very compassionate person! I'm more compassionate than you Alex!","(Izzie leaves the bar)","Alex: Shut your pie-hole Yang.","(George comes up to the bar)","George: Hey Joe, can we have another round please?","(Joe hands Alex a drink)","Alex: Yeah give Nurse O'Malley a drink on me.","George: Heh, what'd you say? (George turns to his nurse pals) Hey uh Karev just called me a nurse. (To Alex) That's the worst you could come up with. Or wait is that an insult? Or a was I supposed to be...","(George is interrupted by a nurse walking by purposely spilling her drink onto Cristina's lap)","Nurse: Whoopsies.","Cristina: Are you kidding me? I will kill you, you know that?","Nurse: Bring it on!","Cristina: Oh, she, oh Bring it on! Okay Mama. Let's bring it on! Oh look at her spry! What you wanna cheer it out soccer mom?","Nurse: Oh soccer mom!","(They both start yelling at each other. Joe interrupts)","Joe: Hey! Hey! Hey! Beating each other up and there's not gonna be anybody left to set your broken bones.","(They continue to yell ignoring Joe)","Joe: Hey!","(Meredith takes Cristina's arm and pulls her away)","Meredith: We were just leaving.","Cristina: Yeah because I gotta go save lives!","Nurse: Bye!","(Alex is smirking at the whole situation while George pushes through the nurse crowd)","George: Excuse me, they're my ride. Excuse me.","(Cheyenne's room)","(Izzie dressed from the bar, enters Cheyenne's room)","Izzie: You're awake.","Cheyenne: Hey, yeah. Baby jumps up and down on my belly all night. It makes me have to pee all the time.","(Izzie nods)","Cheyenne: You work long hours, huh?","Izzie: Yeah, but I'm off work now. I ... I just came back to talk to you. ... I grew-up in Chehalis too.","Cheyenne: Serious?","Izzie: Serious. Um, Forest Park .","Cheyenne (smiles): The trailer (Izzie speaks at the same time) park behind the church.","Izzie (continues): Yeah. On Route 6. Yeah.","Cheyenne: My friend Shelley lives up there.","Izzie: Yeah my mom still lives there.","Cheyenne: No way.","Izzie: Yeah huh. (They both smile) ... ... Can you keep a secret?","(Cheyenne nods. Izzie reaches into her pocket and pulls out a picture of a young girl and hands it Cheyenne)","Izzie: This is my daughter.","(Izzie is now sitting next to Cheyenne)","Izzie: In the picture she's 6 but she's 11 now. She lived in Santa Barbara but they moved. I don't know where. But I know her name is Hannah and she likes pigs.","Cheyenne (chuckles): Pigs?","Izzie (smiles): Yep, she collects them. Like figurines and stuffed animals, you know. I think it's because her mom probably read her 'Charlotte's Web'.","Cheyenne: I thought you were her mom.","Izzie (tear eyed): I'm her mother but I'm not her mom. ... Look um I know that where we come from this kind of thing doesn't get talked about but I wanted you to know that there's more than one way to be a good mother. I wanted, I wanted better for her than I could do at sixteen.","Cheyenne (teary eyed): I love my baby.","Izzie: Of course you do. But you're reading her Shakespeare. (Cheyenne starts crying softly) When you're working 12 hour shifts at the diner like our mom's, you won't be coming home and reading her Shakespeare.","(Izzie smiles down at Cheyenne's stomach)","(Burke and Cristina's apartment)","(Cristina enters the apartment and finds Burke sitting in the dark holding a trumpet)","Cristina: Huh, I could hear you from six blocks away.","Burke: Sorry.","Cristina: Don't be. I like it. (She heads to the fridge) I'm just not sure how the neighbors would feel which by the way is not a thing someone lacking in compassion would be concerned with.","(She grabs a beer and heads to the bedroom)","Burke: How's your patient's leg?","Cristina: Carved all to hell, but still on her body. (She comes back to the doorway) We're watching it overnight. (Cristina notices Burke seems a little upset) What's going on?","Burke: Never in my career have I questioned a fellow surgeon in their OR. I never understood what the problem was, an intern dating an attending, until today.","(Cristina gives him an upset look and leaves the room)","(Sunrise)","(Picket Line)","(A new day and the nurses are still chanting 'Fair hours, Fair wages')","(Hallway)","(George is walking with Meredith who is taking down notes from George from the nurses)","George: And don't believe twenty-five nineteen when she you she tells that she went to the bathroom. She just wants to go home. She just says she went to the bathroom and then she's back here 2 days later.","Meredith: Got it.","(Burke walks by them)","Burke: Hey! I need sutures in 2602!","George: Can't help ya!","(Burke stops walking and turns back to George. Meredith walks to the nurses' station nearby and George realizing what he just said turns around horrified. Izzie watches from a nurses' station)","Burke: What?","George: ... Fair hours! Fair wages! Fair hours! Fair ... (He stops, Izzie looks amused) It's no offense.","Burke: None taken.","(Burke walks off and George walks up to Izzie who hands him a cup of coffee)","Izzie: Hey. How's the strike going?","George: Do you know? Did you realize how rarely doctors say thank you and please to nurses? How few surgeons even know the names of them? ... (He suddenly looks up) I shouldn't be seen talking to you.","(George moves a little to the side)","(Meredith is rifling through some files. A young woman and her partner come up to her. Unbeknownst to Meredith, this is Alice, Grace's daughter)","Alice: Excuse me. I'm looking for Richard Webber.","Meredith: Can I help you?","Alice: My name is Alice Bickham. (Meredith looks up instantly) I'm here about my mother, Grace.","Meredith: Sure, um ... come with me, please.","(She walks off and Alice and her girlfriend follow her)","(Mrs. Wood comes up to Izzie, angry)","Mrs. Wood: You said you would look after her.","Izzie: I'm sorry?","Mrs. Wood: You told me to go to work and said you would look after her.","Izzie: Miss ah Wood can you ah just follow me?","(She walks a few feet away from the nurses station so George can't hear.)","Mrs. Wood: She's a kid you know? She's scared enough without you putting ideas in her head. How do you tell a scared kid to give her baby away?","Izzie: I didn't tell her. I didn't advise her. I didn't pressure her. I just ... talked to her.","(George is watching from far)","Mrs. Wood: You're not a shrink! You're not her mother. She's my kid and you crossed the line.","Izzie: I'm sorry.","Mrs. Wood: No you're not sorry. You're superior. So what you're a big shot doctor and you get to judge us? You get to tell my kid how to live her life?","Izzie: Cheyenne is smart. She's smart and she's thoughtful and she can have more. She can have more than a trailer park and a graveyard shift at a truck stop diner. Don't you want that for her? (Mrs. Wood glares at her) I mean if you can get past the fact that I'm superior and that I'm judging you and that I'm telling you what's best for your family. If you can just get past all of that, isn't it possible that I'm also right?","(Izzie walks off)","(Post-op room where Claire is recovering from her surgery. Alex and Sydney are in there. Wade is sitting at Claire's bedside)","Sydney: Pretty spectacular recovery Claire.","Claire (groggy): Really? Do you think it's going to be ok?","Sydney: I think we got almost all of the necrotic tissue. A few times in a hyperbaric chamber and I'm thinking you'll be out of the woods.","(Wade nods)","Claire: Thank you for saving my leg.","Sydney: My pleasure. (Cristina watches from the doorway) Now Dr. Karev here will explain the hyperbaric chamber. Dr. Karev.","Alex: Thank you Dr. Heron. A hyperbaric chamber...","(Sydney starts making her way out and passes Cristina)","Sydney: I'll take that apology any time.","(Cristina sighs)","(Grace's room where all of Grace's friends are, Alice, her girlfriend, Meredith and Richard are standing around Grace's bed. Alice signs the form and hands it to Richard)","Richard: Thank you.","Meredith: So, I'm going to give her a sedative which will ease her discomfort and then I'll remove the tube. (Alice nods) Ok.","Alice's girlfriend: Are you ready?","Alice (nods): Yes.","(Meredith is about to inject the sedative)","Alice: Wait.","(Meredith stops quickly almost as she was hoping Alice would stop it. Alice leans forward and kisses her mother on her forehead)","Alice (whispers): Goodbye mommy. (Agnes pats her comfortingly) Oh ... do you want to...","Agnes (interrupts): Oh no. No we already said our goodbyes. We just wanted to be here when Grace crossed over.","(Meredith looks down upset. Alice nods)","Alice (to Meredith): Ready.","(Meredith moves to inject the sedative but Richard puts a hand her shoulder to stop her)","Richard: I can take care of this.","Meredith: I...I did it. I should undo it.","(She injects in the sedative and turns off the life support machine)","Alice's girlfriend: How long? I mean before ...","Meredith: It can take a while.","(Meredith starts removing the tubing from Grace)","(Burke is writing in a very roomy medical supplies closet. Cristina enters)","Cristina: She wants me to apologize.","Burke: You crossed the line.","Cristina: I'm not apologizing.","Burke: You made me cross the line.","Cristina: Oh, like I can make you do anything!","(There is a bit of a silence)","Burke: It's not your fault. It's mine. I'm your teacher. I'm supposed to be. But you came to me as your boyfriend and I responded that way.","(Cristina gives him a look but she knows he's right)","Cristina: I'm not used to being wrong.","Burke: I know. But you're an intern. Second guessing a resident is not your job.","(Richard and Meredith are standing outside Grace's room)","Meredith: How long has it been?","Richard (looks at his watch): 2 hours and 17 minutes.","(Meredith nods)","Meredith: I saw you there. At the nursing home with my mother.","Richard: Oh.","Meredith: They said you go to her 3 times a week.","Richard (nods): Whenever I can.","Meredith: Why did you keep it a secret?","Richard (sighs): I don't know. Would you like me to stop going?","(Meredith avoids the question)","Meredith: I'm gonna go check on Grace.","(She stops at the doorway of Grace's room)","Meredith: Do you think she's lonely? My mother?","Richard: Yeah, I do.","(Grace's room where Grace's friends, Alice and her girlfriend, Richard and Meredith all keep a close watch over her)","(OR where Addison and Derek are performing the surgery on Cheyenne's baby. Izzie is there helping them. Izzie cuts the umbilical cord and Addison takes the baby out. She hands the baby to Izzie who takes the baby girl to the side and rests her down a lined table. She smiles at the baby)","(Grace's room where Grace is breathing very shallowly. All of the family and friends are touching and comforting Grace. Grace suddenly stops breathing. Meredith watches)","Ruth: May she rest in peace.","(Agnes struggles not to cry and puts an arm on Ruth's shoulder to comfort her. Eleanor rests her head against Agnes)","Meredith: Time of death (she clears her throat) 12:42.","(Meredith looks upset and heads out of the room)","(Meredith is exiting out of the room almost in tears and looking like she's having difficult breathing. Derek from afar notices Meredith who has her back to him and is about to walk up to her. He looks confused as she rushes into the nearest linen closet)","(Interior of the linen closet where Meredith is sitting down taking large gulping breaths. It seems like she's almost hyperventilating. Derek enters and looks concerned when he sees her. Meredith starts to cry as he crouches down next to her.)","Meredith (crying): I don't. I can't. I can't. I don't want. I don't. I can't. I don't. I don't want my mother to die alone.","(Derek just continues to look on comfortingly and concerned)","Derek (whispers): Slow down. Just slow down. Shh. Slow deep breaths now. Slow deep breaths.","(Meredith just continues to cry and breathe difficultly)","(Derek stands up and reaches above Meredith's head. He pulls down a white paper bag and hands it to Meredith)","Derek (calm quiet voice): Here. Take it easy. Slow down. Slow down.","(Meredith breathes into the bag. She takes on of his hands in hers and holds onto tightly. Her breathing slows down and she stops crying. She rests her head against Derek's shoulder. Derek brings up his other free arm around her and holds her and rests his head against hers. Meredith pulls away the bag and eventually sits up)","Meredith: I'm ok.","Derek (smiles): You're ok.","(She wipes a tear away and Derek brushes the hair away from her face)","Meredith: Thank you.","Derek: You're welcome.","(They stare into each other's eyes for a long time almost as if they might kiss. Meredith breaks the moment by looking away. She gets up and walks out leaving Derek sitting in the closet by himself)","(NICU where Izzie is checking on Cheyenne's baby who is in an incubator. Cheyenne is sitting on a rocking chair next to them)","Cheyenne: Do you ever wish you hadn't done it?","Izzie: No. I really don't.","Cheyenne: If I give her up, if I give her away, do I still get to name her?","Izzie: You can name her for yourself.","Cheyenne: Did you name yours?","Izzie: Uh ... Sarah.","Cheyenne (smiles): That's a pretty name.","Izzie (nods): Yeah.","(Meredith is walking down the hall and up to Richard. Richard looks apprehensive and Meredith smiles)","Meredith: I think you should keep visiting her.","Richard: You sure?","Meredith: Yeah. She lights up when you're around. She's alive.","(Burke and Cristina are walking down the hall. A few feet away is Sydney who's talking to Alex. Cristina stops walking)","Cristina: Oh, she's with Alex. I can't do this in front of Alex.","Burke: Well, you can and you will.","Cristina: Excuse me why aren't you apologizing?","Burke: I'm, I'm an attending. I don't apologize to residents. You on the other hand are an intern.","(He walks up to Sydney and Alex. Cristina follows)","Cristina: Sydney, I just wanted to ... (She glances briefly at Alex who looks very smug and straining to hear what she has to say) ah Just wanted to ah to ... (very quietly) apologize for you know overstepping, I'm sorry.","Sydney: Well that's the compassion I was looking for. Apology accepted. Okay, you wanna hug it out?","(She holds out her arms for a hug)","Cristina: Oh.","(Burke raises his eyebrows and watches Cristina's reaction)","Alex: Go, go hug.","Cristina: No, yeah.","Sydney: Come on.","(Cristina backs away and walks off. Burke walks with her)","(Patricia and Richard are in a small waiting room looking at a TV which shows the protest going on outside)","Richard: We need them, Patricia.","Patricia: Yes, we need them.","(They start walking down the hallway)","Richard: So where do I find the spare change? It's not like whatever's hiding underneath the couch cushions is gonna do it.","Patricia: Well I seemed to remember pushing through paperwork for a multi-million dollar surgery robot.","Richard: There was a two-year waiting list for that. It will bring a huge business.","Patricia: And could you and the robot handle that business without nurses?","(She walks off and Richard looks resigned)","(Picket Line)","(The line is deforming and the nurses are cheering. Richard is out there talking with them)","MVO: We can't help ourselves. We see a line. We want to cross it. Maybe it's the thrill of trading the familiar for the unfamiliar. A sort of personal dare.","(Derek's trailer, bedroom)","(Addison and Derek are in bed, with Addison lying in Derek's arms)","MVO: Only problem is once you've crossed it's almost impossible to go back.","(Meredith's house, George's room)","(George is lying in bed playing on his PSP. His door creaks open and closes. Izzie has come in. She gets in bed next to George and lies next to him. She sighs)","George: Are you okay?","Izzie: Yeah. Yeah I am.","(George returns back to his PSP. His door opens again and this time Meredith enters. She goes to the other side of George's bed and lies down next to him. She closes her eyes)","George: Are you ok?","Meredith: Yeah.","George (to both of them): What happened today?","Meredith: Nothing.","Izzie: Nothing.","George: Ok.","(He turns back to his game boy)","Izzie: We don't know everything about each other, George.","Meredith: Yeah.","George: True.","MVO: But, if you do manage to make it back across that line. You find safety in numbers.","(Meredith turns off lamp on the bedside table and the whole screen goes dark)","George: Anybody want to have s*x?","(Meredith laughs)","Izzie: George."],"Show Title":"Grey's Anatomy","Episode Number":"02x15","Episode Title":"Break on Through","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Grey_s_Anatomy_03x22.json","Recap":["After things become too complicated in Seattle, Addison travels to Los Angeles to reunite with her old friends from Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons . Much to her best friend's shock, the real reason for her visit is in order to get pregnant but she is devastated to learn that she cannot. Whilst there, Addison assists her friend in treating a surrogate mother, who had sex with three different men who all claim that the baby is theirs. Cristina finds difficulty in planning her wedding under the constant watch of her and Burke's mother, who are determined to create an extravagant wedding, despite her wishes of having a small ceremony. Callie is surprised to be invited to be Cristina's bridesmaid. Susan is admitted to the hospital, bringing Thatcher with her, but he suspects that she might be trying to bring Thatcher and Meredith together by faking hiccups. Mark talks to Derek and expresses his disappointment in not working things out with Addison, who he had truly fallen in love with. Burke is surprised when his mother tells him that he's making a mistake marrying Cristina, but she reassures him that she supports his decision. George is determined to transfer to Mercy West, despite Izzie's continuous begging. Addison becomes the temporary obstetrician-gynecologist at the Oceanside Wellness Center in Los Angeles and deals with the aftermath of the discovery that she cannot have children. She is comforted by Pete Wilder who flirts with and eventually kisses her. The doctors offer her a position, but she denies it after realizing that Seattle is where her life is. The Los Angeles team also continue to treat a man with no sex drive, which infuriates his wife, who has a high one. After Susan returns to the hospital with chest pain, she is rushed into emergency surgery and ultimately dies. Thatcher is devastated by the news and blames Meredith for her death, and slaps her. George and Burke confide in each other about their relationship problems, and Burke's intensify after an argument with his mother. Izzie finds difficulty in accepting that George is going to transfer because of her, but realizes that she can't deny her feelings towards him, which leads to them kissing. Meanwhile, Derek must perform surgery on Ava and she gets her hopes high after realizing that she might get her memory back."],"Transcript":["3x22: The Other Side of This Life (Part 1)","(Seattle Scenes)","MVO: The dream is this: that we'll finally be happy when we reach our goals...","(Meredith is sitting on the couch at her house watching TV)","MVO: ...find the guy, finish our internship. That's the dream; then we get there and if we're human, we immediately start dreaming of something else.","(Izzie enters)","Izzie: It's 3 in the morning, what are you doing up?","Meredith: What are you doing up?","Izzie: Can't sleep.","(Alex enters)","Alex: What are you watching?","Izzie: Why can't you sleep?","Alex: No reason.","MVO: Because if this is the dream then we'd like to wake up...","(Seattle scenes)","(Cristina wakes up to hear laughing coming from the living room of her apartment)","MVO: ...now please.","Burke: Don't worry I'm not. Ok.","(She looks out and sees her mom and Burke's mom in the kitchen)","Helen: Cristina, stop lurking. Come and say good morning to your guest.","Cristina: Good morning mother. Good morning Mrs...mama. What...is everyone...everyone doing here so early?","Jane: Early? Darling, by the look of the calendar we should have been here six months ago.","Helen: She doesn't understand what goes into planning a wedding.","Burke: Breathe. Sip then breathe.","(Derek and Richard are walking through the hall of the hospital)","Richard: The police haven't found anything on our Jane Doe.","Derek: I believe she calls herself Ava now.","Richard: Yes, well, she doesn't seem to be getting her memory back.","Derek: Well, now that the rest of her medical problems are taken care of I'll see what I can do.","Richard: That'd be great, thanks.","(Mark walks up)","Mark: Anybody seen Addison?","Richard: She's gone.","Mark: Gone?","Richard: She took a leave of absence.","Mark: Why? I mean, did she tell you why?","Derek: What'd you do to her, Mark?","Richard: She didn't give a reason.","Mark: Did she tell you where she was going?","Richard: All she said was she needed some time...to be happy and free if I recall correctly. Excuse me.","(Addison is in her car driving down the interstate. She is grinding gears as she goes and finally arrives at a building. The sign out front reads Oceanside Wellness Group. She nearly gets run over by bicyclists while attempting to take her jacket off and enter the building. She gets into the elevator and a guy, Pete, gets in after her. She begins laughing.)","Addison: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, it's just...um, where I come from...elevators tend to be this kind of aphrodisiac. You know? You look in on them and they just get all horny. Oh no, no. Not that I'm um...talking about you and I. I'm just saying that it's a relief, you know, to be on a not horny elevator. You know? Just get on, ride...without the s*x. Right?","(He gets off the elevator)","Addison: Oh my god. Oh my god, I'm becoming a crazy freak, crazy inappropriately chatting freak.","Voice: Becoming? Seems like you're already there.","(Addison continues to look around for where to voice is coming from)","(Cristina is standing outside a curtain at the hospital with her mom and Burke's mom, waiting to talk to Callie)","Callie: Oh, hey. Hi.","Cristina: Hello.","Callie: Someone have bones that need resetting? Or...?","(Cristina whispers something)","Callie: Excuse me?","Cristina: Bridesmaids. My mother and Burke's mother have been talking on the phone and now they are here...with me.","Helen: To plan the wedding.","Callie: Oh.","Jane: Cristina led us to believe that you were friends.","(Callie laughs and Cristina gives her a dirty look)","Callie: Oh, ok. I guess.","Jane: Good it's settled.","(Helen starts measuring Callie)","Callie: Whoa, wait...what are you...are you...are you actually asking me...","Cristina: To be one of my bridesmaids, yeah.","(They both give each other dirty looks)","(Meredith walks up to Derek who is standing at the nurse's station)","Meredith: You get any sleep?","Derek: I did, actually, after I evicted a raccoon that chewed his way into the luggage compartment.","Meredith: Mmm, the trailer.","Derek: Yes.","Meredith: So, while you were sleeping...when I drowned it was different for you then it was for me. Something happened to me and I really don't know how to explain it without sounding like...I just, I feel different. I wanna be better at everything and I wanna let you in. I swear.","Derek: Did you practice that?","Meredith: With hand gestures but I dropped those. Just now is not the time to give up on me, ok? That's what I'm saying.","Derek: Ok.","Meredith: Ok?","Derek: Yep.","(Hollywood scenes)","Dell: (On the phone) Oceanside Wellness Group. Uh yes, you're confirmed for Tuesday at 4. Oh, no, no ma'am, no I'm not a doctor. I don't know what you should do about the itchiness down there. Ok, yeah, ok, ok, bye.","Addison: Hi, I am...I think I'm in the right place. I'm looking for...Maya? Is that you?","Maya: Addison!","Addison: Oh my god. You got so big. What are you like 45 now?","(A woman, Naomi walks up)","Naomi: Maya, you're gonna be late for school...Addison.","Addison: Naomi. Surprise! I got lost like 8 times. I smell like someone who's been driving in a car for two days and I think I just had some kind of psychotic break in your elevator but um...surprise!","Naomi: Maya, go get your backpack. (Maya walks off) So...what do you want Addison?","Addison: I miss you.","Naomi: Really? Cause I haven't heard from you in over a year. Unless you count the Christmas card which was nice.","Addison: I know, I know...I'm sorry about...I'm sorry.","Naomi: I left you messages on your pager...","Addison: right.","Naomi: I emailed you. I had some really special conversations with your voicemail.","Addison: All right, could we just let this go? I've been having some rough times lately. Ok? I got divorced.","Naomi: So did I.","Addison: Oh my god. You and Sam?","(Sam and Maya walk up)","Sam: Addison:","Maya: Bye, daddy.","Sam: Bye baby.","Addison: Hey.","Sam: Hey.","Addison: Sam, I'd say good to see you but...","Sam: Yeah.","Addison: Your face is everywhere. Body language...","Sam: Yeah, I had a few thoughts so I wrote them down and...","Addison: And now you're the common man's medical guru.","(Violet walks up to the desk)","Violet: Hi Dell. Can you push my appointments back an hour? I had to rescue Cooper.","Sam: This is Addison. Addison, this is our shrink.","Violet: Violet, hi. Bye.","Sam: What did Cooper do this time?","Violet: What does Cooper always do.","Naomi and Sam: A woman.","Violet: I can't believe this. I'm his colleague, not his chauffeur.","(She walks away)","Addison: So, this is co-op medicine.","Sam: Yeah, doctors working together. It's me, Naomi, we have a pediatrician, a shrink, an alternative medicine practitioner...","Naomi: Could you excuse us for just a minute?","Sam: Sure I can. Good morning, Naomi.","Naomi: Shut up.","Addison: So, you two still work together.","Naomi: Hey Pete.","(Pete walks over to Sam)","Pete: Who is that red head with your ex-wife? She's hot, possibly insane, but hot.","Sam: Don't even think about it.","(Addison and Naomi enter an office)","Addison: You work with your ex-husband in a shrine for your ex-husband.","Naomi: It's actually a good book. And we're friends. We stayed friends even after we got divorced. It's very healthy. We're healthy.","Addison: What happened between you and Sam?","Naomi: Addison, you and I were close in med school. It was a long time ago.","Addison: Oh, Naomi, come on. You can't stay mad at me forever. I know you.","Naomi: You got fat.","Addison: I did not.","Naomi: Your hair looks hideous.","Addison: It does not.","Naomi: And you're getting really, really ugly.","Addison: Aww. I've missed you too.","Naomi: So...why are you really here?","Addison: You're a fertility specialist, one of the best.","Naomi: You wanna have a baby?","Addison: I wanna have a baby.","(The clinic at SGH, Bailey finds Susan in the clinic hiccupping.)","Bailey: Susan Grey. You sure you're in the right place?","Susan: I have reflux...acid reflux. And the...hiccups come and go when it gets really bad. They stopped a few times but lately it's been getting worse.","Bailey: Have you had chlorpromazine? Here you go. Thank you.","Susan: Isn't that the crazy person's drug?","Bailey: It's used as an anti-psychotic but it's also helpful with hiccups. If we don't stop these soon you will be a crazy person. Ok.","Susan: Hey, how is Meredith doing? I know they have that big intern exam coming up and she's been really busy. I tried to call but...hey, no hiccups.","Bailey: Chlorpromazine.","(Addison is at the Oceanside wellness center on an exam table)","Addison: I'm getting any younger, you know, and I always planned to have one. It's just...well, now; clearly a man is not in the cards for me. I mean this is Addison, post McDreamy, post McSteamy and I just have to...","Naomi: Mc what?","Addison: Forget it. You know what, lets never Mc anything. A baby, that is my answer. Find a sperm donor, have a baby. My new dream...a baby.","Naomi: A baby's not really an answer it's more of a crying, puking non-answer.","Addison: Yeah, but you did it.","Naomi: With a husband.","Addison: Yeah but you did it. You got married; you had a baby. You're my example.","Naomi: Ok, we should check your FSH and your estrodial levels and we should probably do an antro-folical count.","Addison: Holy crap. I'm gonna have a baby.","(Sam is checking out a patient)","Sam: Treadmill, huh?","Kathy: Yeah","Sam: Ok. What's going on?","Kathy: I tried to take it up to 10 and do the hilly terrain mode, which you can do but only if you're an Olympian, so I paused and I went flying off...","Sam: No, I mean, what's going on with you pushing yourself this hard? This is your fourth sports injury in three months.","Kathy: I am a sexual person. I'm a normal sexual person. I like s*x. I need s*x. And he won't do it. He","won't have s*x with me. He just... won't.","Sam: I'm hoping you're talking about your husband. Well, I'm not hoping because of the no s*x part.","Kathy: It's been 18 months.","Sam: Wow.","Kathy: 18 months! Do you have any idea what that is like? My husband won't do it. So you know what I do?","Sam: Uh, you run.","Kathy: I run. I run so I won't sleep with someone else. I run so I have someplace to channel my energies. I run so I won't pick up a tire iron and beat my husband to death. I need s*x! You'd do it with me, right?","Sam: Hmm? I think you need to spend some time with our therapist.","(Violet is picking up Cooper)","Cooper: Hey! Hey. Thanks for the ride. Hey, have you been crying?","Violet: Where's your car?","Cooper: Were you crying?","Violet: Where's your car?","Cooper: Were you crying?","Violet: You wanna walk?","Cooper: I met a girl at a bar... on the Internet... and she borrowed my car.","Violet: Cooper, did you file a police report?","Cooper: She might bring the car back. She was gorgeous and hot and she...","Violet: Okay, Cooper, Cooper, Cooper. All right, so you meet a strange woman on the Internet again. You bring her back to your apartment to have s*x with you again, and she steals from you again. What does that suggest to you about you?","Cooper: That I'm an optimist. That I believe in magic. There there is a soul mate... out there waiting for me. Oh, Violet...Allen's not worth it. You deserve better.","Violet: I know that. I do. I'm not... I'm not crying about him. I'm not. Don't look at me. Look over there.","(Seattle scenes)","(Izzie walks up to the nurse's station where Cristina and Meredith are.)","Izzie: I switched my hours at the clinic so I can go to the bridal shop. Yay!","Cristina: Did she cheer? She just cheered.","Izzie: Someone's not being very bridey.","Cristina: I am not a bride. I am a surgeon.","Meredith: Don't tease the caged animal.","Izzie: You're not excited? I'm excited. I love weddings. Weddings are all about hope and the future.","(Callie walks up)","Callie: Ok, I rescheduled an A.C.L. repair, but I wanna be clear. I will not be wearing pink or baby blue. I do not do flowers in my hair. And I will never be seen with a bow on my ass, ok?","Cristina: See? She's got the right attitude. Thank you very much.","Meredith: Hey.","(Thatcher walks by)","Thatcher: Hey. Hi. I...I'm here with Susan. She's down in the clinic.","Meredith: The clinic? Is everything ok?","Thatcher: Yeah.","Izzie: Callie's a bridesmaid?","Cristina: Yeah.","Izzie: Yeah, ca...yes, of course. Callie's a bridesmaid. Fun. Yeah.","Callie: Yeah.","(Alex is walking through the hall with Jane Doe)","Alex: You gotta do it. That kid of yours is gonna need you on your feet.","Jane Doe: She's cute, huh? She's a cute shriveled kid.","Alex: She's cute. Come on. Let's keep walking.","Jane Doe: So... where is she? Red...I thought that was on.","Alex: Walk.","Jane Doe: Gossip","Alex: Oh, you called it. She was too serious about the whole thing.","Jane Doe: And Alex is a rolling stone.","Alex: I was being thoughtful.","Jane Doe: Yeah, right. And dumping red after one night is sensitive? So did she just take off? What'd you say to her? Did she cry?","(Addison is in Sam's office. She keeps slapping him on top of his head.)","Sam: Ow.","Addison: Idiot. You divorced Naomi?","Sam: Look, just mind your own business, ok...ouch.","Addison: Moron. She is my best friend.","Sam: Stop hitting me on top of my head.","Addison: Did you cheat? Did...","Sam: Ok, two things I learned way back in kindergarten...one, keep your hands to yourself, two, he who smelt it dealt it.","Addison: That makes no sense.","Sam: Yeah. Well...you cheated. You cheated on your husband with his best friend. There. Smelt it, dealt","it...it works.","Addison: You're using fart logic.","Sam: Hey, if you want details, go see Naomi.","Addison: She won't talk about it.","Sam: Well, then you get no details.","Addison: I'm on her side. You know that.","Sam: That's why you get no details.","Addison: Oh, details!","Sam: Woman, be quiet.","Addison: I've missed you.","Sam: Yeah, well, you know, Naomi's known you longer, so she gets custody of you in the divorce.","Addison: Yeah.","(Addison and Naomi are in her office)","Addison: So, uh, other than project baby, this is strictly a vacation. I am here to read trashy novels and go to the beach.","Naomi: Ok, nobody over 30 goes to the beach. You should stay here at the practice, hang out. See how we work. It's more fun than a stuffy hospital and we have an empty office.","Addison: Naomi, are you trying to lure me?","Naomi: Look, maybe. We do have sunshine and cute boys.","Addison: Yeah, speaking of which, cute boy behind the desk is tracking you with his eyes.","Naomi: No, he's not.","Addison: Oh, cute boy wants Naomi.","Naomi: okay, maybe you should shut up... and go get some coffee or something... please.","(Addison walks off and Naomi walks over to Dell)","Naomi: You have to stop that.","Dell: Stop what?","Naomi: You cannot watch me like that. It's...not something you can do. I won't allow it.","Dell: You can't make rules about my eyes.","(Screaming can be heard from another room)","Woman: That's enough!","Man: No!","Naomi: Did you hear that?","(Naomi and the other doctors exits their offices and head toward the sound of the yelling)","Sam: Did you hear that?","Pete: What was that?","Violet: Did I just hear?","Man: I'm the father of that child!","Man 2: No, I'm the father!","Carol: If it's anybody's baby, it's mine!","Cooper: Stop it! Calm down, everybody! Just...hey, hey, hey, hey! A little help here. A little help.","Violet: Oh, my god, Cooper! Cooper!","Carol: Oh, Dr. Freedman! Oh, god! Oh, that's great. Really great.","Pete: You gotta be kidding me.","(Meredith is in the clinic with Susan and Thatcher)","Meredith: You could've called.","Susan: Oh, it's such a silly problem. Hiccups?","Thatcher: We didn't want to bother you.","Meredith: Well, it's not silly if you can't sleep.","Bailey: Chlorpromazine is good, but it doesn't always work long-term. We've had some good result with endoscopic gastroplication.","Meredith: We put a tube down your throat and sew together the bottom of your esophagus to protect it from the","acid in your stomach. It would be an outpatient procedure.","Susan: I'm sold. Ready when you are.","Thatcher: You're sure that that's not...","Susan: Just think of it like breathing into a very expensive brown paper bag.","Naomi: Ok, let me see if I can explain this to everyone. So Carol was married to Rick. Carol is now married to Doug. Keith is Lisa's husband.","Keith: Uh, I'm Rick's husband.","Carol: Life partner.","Rick: You're just mad I left you for a man.","Jim: I'm Lisa's husband.","Naomi: And Lisa is the","Carol: Surrogate carrying my child.","Rick: Our child.","Jim: You are not the father! You don't know that, Rick! I am so sick of you!","Violet: Hey, hey! Okay, okay. Let's all try to remember that we are in a place of healing. Uh, Lisa...h-how are you feeling?","Carol: Guilty. Guilty is how she is feeling.","Violet: Wh-why is that, Lisa?","Carol: Because the same week that I brought her here to be inseminated, she had s*x with him...and him...and him. And we have no idea who the father is. Yeah, she, um, really gets around.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Conference room)","Pete: Okay, how does this happen? How do you pick a super freak for a surrogate?","Violet: I-I screened her. There was nothing thereto indicate she was...","Cooper: s*x crazed? Insatiable?","Violet: Cooper-like?","Naomi: Ooh. Okay. The point is, everybody's flipping out over nothing. Medically, it has to be Rick's baby. We implanted Lisa with a fertilized embryo from Carol's egg and Rick's sperm.","Cooper: Then Rick implanted some more of his own for good measure.","Violet: Before he decided he was gay.","Pete: I've treated Doug. I have him on valerian root for anxiety and stress. And I knew he was fooling around, but with his new wife's surrogate?","Addison: Can I just, uh...I think the more pressing issue, uh, here, is that, uh, Lisa's had no prenatal care. She took off right after her,uh","Cooper: Sex-a-thon? Hi. We haven't officially met. Cooper. Pediatrics.","Addison: Hi. Uh, yeah, she...left town, and, uh, she and the baby need a complete workup. Um, who's your usual G.Y.N?","Sam: Uh, she left the practice rather suddenly.","Pete: I didn't do anything.","Addison: Well, look, I would be happy to examine her. Trashy novels can wait.","Cooper: Have you ever thought of... plying your trade in sunnier climes, Addison?","Violet: \"Sunnier climes\"? Now we see why he has to type to pick up women.","Cooper: Hey!","Sam: Besides, we have a very strict no consorting rule here now.","Pete: I didn't do anything.","(Susan's OR)","George: I can't wait to tell Meredith her step-mom hiccupped through the whole thing. She should be here for this.","Bailey: Susan asked her to be with her father. She said he's having a lot of anxiety.","George: And...Meredith is supposed to help with that?","(Meredith in Thatcher are in the waiting room)","Meredith: You know there's nothing to worry about.","Thatcher: What I...what I worry about is Molly living in a new city alone with a baby most of the day. That's hard. And Lexie, who's...about to start her residency. She's a really good student, but it's grueling.","Meredith: I know.","Thatcher: You know. Right. And...I worry about you, too. How you're getting on, your mom...none of that was...simple.","Meredith: Susan's really on you to talk to me, huh?","Thatcher: I got to admit, I'm envious...that she's getting to know you, and I'm not yet. I think she may be faking these hiccups.","Meredith: To get...us in the same place?","(Violet's office)","Paul: I guess I'm just not very sexual.","Kathy: He's having an affair. He's not in love with me anymore.","Paul: That's not true, honey. I love you. I love you so much. I...I want to do it. I just want to want to do it.","Violet: Ok, Paul, I'm gonna give you some homework for next session.","Paul: Homework?","Violet: Have s*x with your wife.","Kathy: Yay!","Paul: Well, but...","Violet: No matter what. Whether you're in the mood or not, have s*x. Do it in the bed, do it on the kitchen floor. Do you have a pool?","Paul: Yes.","Violet: Okay, do it in the pool. Have s*x. No pressure, no judgment, no expectations. Have s*x. Just...do it.","(Sam and Pete are outside walking)","Pete: We do need a new G.Y.N.","Sam: Right.","Pete: And Addison seems...","Sam: Oh. Nun-unh. No. Absolutely not.","Pete: What?","Sam: Addison is a nice person. She is a decent person. She is a person.","Pete: I'm lookin' for a person.","Sam: Man, you're just looking.","Pete: At least I'm trying.","(Woman walks up)","Woman: Dr. Feelgood. Hey. I love you.","Sam: Hi. Thank you.","Pete: Okay, Dr. Feelgood, this is what I'm saying. Your career is taking off, girls like that are throwing themselves at you. - You should be celebrating.","Sam: Celebrating? I just got a divorce.","Pete: You got a little tiny dog, and you cook it chicken, and you talk to it. That's not normal.","Sam: Hey, easy. All right? I'm alone because I choose to be. It's...it's a choice.","Pete: So you're saying that you're not interested in Addison, but I can't have her.","Sam: See, Addison isn't the type of woman you have. She's a marriage woman. All right? She's gonna want a commitment, and you...","Pete: Hey, I do not sleep around.","No. You are a serial monogamist, all right? You...you date a girl, you romance a girl, and then when it's time to commit...you cut and you run.","Pete: I do not.","Sam: Linda, uh, Karen, uh, Julie. Then there was Tricia, Amy, Carrie, the other Linda...we can't forget...","Pete: Fine. I won't ask her out.","Sam: Good boy. That's a good boy.","(Exam room)","Naomi: And the week before I implanted the embryo, you slept with how many, three? Three men.","Addison: We're almost done here, Lisa, and then we'll do the amniocentesis.","Lisa: You're on carol's side.","Naomi: I'm carol's doctor. You came to us. You applied to be a surrogate. It was your choice.","Lisa: I know. I just...I was about to hand my body over to a baby that's not mine for nine months, which is a big responsibility. That...hit me...the responsibility...and I just... they all wanted me. Me. And f-for once, I just stopped thinking and I just...I did something wild. Dr. Montgomery, is something wrong?","Addison: I'm gonna run some more tests.","(Meredith is walking Susan and Thatcher out)","Meredith: You promise me you'll take it easy.","Susan: I have a stack of DVDs to watch, and I expect your father to feed me by hand.","Meredith: So just call if you have any questions.","Thatcher: It was nice t-talking with you.","Meredith: Bye.","Susan: Bye.","Thatcher: Bye-bye.","(George enters the elevator where Izzie is)","Izzie: Any news about Mercy West?","George: Uh, there's a spot. There's a lot of takers, but they said it looks good.","Izzie: So after the intern exam...","George: I'm not an unfaithful guy. I'm not a cheater.","Izzie: You think it'll happen again if you stay here...","George: No. I don't know.","Izzie: With me? George.","George: I have to go.","(Hallway at Oceanside wellness)","Violet: Sam.","Sam: Yeah.","Violet: So Paul and Kathy, I gave them an assignment. I told 'em to do it. He didn't rise to the occasion.","Sam: Nothing? No wood.","Violet: Not even a twig. There's gotta be something physical going on, right? Because the only other option...that he just doesn't love her anymore...I mean, that's just...","Cooper: Not the only option. I mean, did they meet in the drama department in college?","Sam: Could be a thyroid thing, anemia. Could be a bunch of stuff.","Cooper: Have you checked for extreme ugliness?","Violet: Okay, not funny. Will you get back to me...","Sam: Yes, I will.","Violet: With what you find soon?","Sam: Okay. Yes.","Violet: And, Cooper, you know what? Ugly people have s*x, Cooper.","Cooper: Ew.","Violet: Ugly people are people, too.","(Addison is in the elevator, talking to herself)","Addison: Okay. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?","(Mark walks up to Alex at a nurse's station)","Mark: You fill out this E.E.G. request on Ava?","Alex: Yeah, you asked for it.","Mark: I asked you to run labs on her every other day. What the hell is this?","Alex: Shepherd's doing a full neuro workup. Just get the hell of my...","Mark: Go ahead. I would love to have an excuse to lay you out.","Alex: I didn't do anything.","Mark: Whatever you didn't do sent Addison running for the hills.","(Seattle scenes)","(Addison is at Naomi's house)","Addison: Okay, this guy is 6'2\",dark hair, green eyes, totally healthy. He plays the violin, and he's a physicist. That is good sperm. Geeky, but, uh, good.","Naomi: Lisa has extra donors if you want to borrow one. Her tests come in yet?","Addison: No, tomorrow. I don't want to ring any alarm bells till we're sure.","Addison: What about this guy? He's a marine biologist. Good hair.","Naomi: Are you sure you want to do this? Your life is really gonna change.","Addison: That's why I'm doing this. I want my life to change. I need...my life to change. I mean, look, you have","Maya. You're family. You did everything the way you were supposed to. You didn't wait.","Naomi: Maybe I should have. Waited.","Addison: What do you mean?","Naomi: Addison, I did everything exactly the way I was supposed to. After college, I never dated anybody but Sam, because he was the one. I never had s*x with anybody but Sam because cheating is wrong. I had a baby because...that's what you do when you get married. I never made a single mistake. I did everything right. And then Sam comes home and says he wants a divorce. So all those photos you're...busy admiring, all they are, are reminders of all the stuff I didn't do. I'm 38 years old, and I don't know how to have fun. That's not lucky. That's sad. So just... shut up about lucky!","Addison: Poor...sad...dried up Naomi.","Naomi: Shut up.","Addison: Poor little, special talented doctor girl. Let's make a made-for-TV movie...about the poor little, dried up special girl who has no fun.","Naomi: I could put you out. You'd have to sleep in the car. I just...I just wish I'd been a little more like you. Addison: What, an adulterous bitch who forgot to have kids?","(Violet is at the grocery store)","Allen: Violet?","Violet: Allen.","Allen: Hey!","Violet: Great to see you.","Allen: How you doing?","Violet: I'm great. Really. I'm really wonderful.","Allen: Well, I saw you and I...I didn't want to be rude. So I hope it's okay.","Violet: You know, it's just... it's really wonderful to see you. You look, uh... you look really wonderful.","(Woman walks up)","Cami: They didn't have the gouda you like, but they had a camembert...hi.","Violet: Hi.","Allen: This is Violet.","Cami: Violet...oh, Violet. Hi. Nice to meet you. I...I'm Cami.","Violet: Okay.","Cami: Allen's wife. God, I still can't get used to that word...wife.","Allen: Yeah.","Violet: Wife? How long have you been married?","Cami: Newlyweds...eight weeks.","Violet: Oh, congratulations. Congratulations.","Cami: Nice to meet you.","(LA scenes)","(Oceanside's kitchen)","Cooper: Hey, Addison, uh, latte? Or...more of a cappuccino.","Addison: Lisa's baby has something called placenta accreta.","Violet: Is that bad?","Addison: The placenta abnormally attaches to the uterine wall. It makes delivering dangerous for both mom and baby. But there was something else.","Cooper: That's not enough?","Addison: The baby has some genetic markers that don't match Carol, just Lisa.","Naomi: What? The embryo...","Addison: Did not implant.","Naomi: This is Lisa's baby?","Addison: Which also means that the paternity is once again up for grabs. Good luck. I'm off to the beach.","Cooper: Uh, you can't leave. Someone has to tell the patient. Honestly, I have...I have...low people skills with anybody over 12.","Violet: It...it's true. An internet hooker just stole his car...","Cooper: Violet! Privacy. She was not...she just...she borrowed my car. She...she","borrowed it. Borrowed.","(Cooper, Pete and Sam are at the impound lot)","Cooper: 911 turbo, hand-sewn leather seats. 911 turbo with hand-sewn leather seats. Who does that to a 911?","Pete: A chick. A crazy chick.","Cooper: But she was so hot.","Pete: A crazy hot chick.","Sam: I loved that car. That was a single man's car.","Cooper: That's the point. I mean, I...I thought maybe I was done being single. I thought she was gonna be","the mother of my children.","Sam: What was her name again?","Cooper: Sexyboobs316.","Pete: Are you...dude, are you crying?","Cooper: No.","Sam: You better be crying about that car and not over sexyboobs315.","Cooper: 316. 316.","Pete: I can't. I...I can't. I'm gonna hurt him.","Sam: Let's just say he's crying over the car and the woman. All right? There we go. Let it out. Let it out.","(Seattle scenes)","(Burke enters a bridal shop where Cristina is wearing a wedding dress and Meredith, Callie and Izzie are wearing bridesmaids gowns)","Burke: Uh, Cristina?","Helen: That's a pretty one.","Jane: Moves very well in it. Looks quite natural.","Burke: You paged?","Cristina: I need you over here.","Burke: Should I be seeing you in the dress before the wedding?","Cristina: You think I'm wearing this?","Burke: Well, it is very feminine.","Cristina: Exactly. Do you know your mother booked a chapel that sits 200 people? Okay, how did I get bridesmaids, huh? Freakin' stupid cotton-candy colored bridesmaids? No offense. What happened to our small ceremony? What happened to you and me at city hall?","Burke: I didn't...I didn't think you were serious.","Callie: I am not wearing this.","Meredith: Oh, I gotta get to the hospital.","Callie: You know, we should, uh, give 'em some privacy.","Izzie: What? Oh! Oh, you want me to go over there with you... by myself.","Callie: Yeah.","Izzie: Ok.","Callie: Ok.","Cristina: You want a big wedding? You want the chapel, you want the guests and me in a white dress?","Burke: Well... yes. I'm a traditional man, Cristina.","Cristina: Are you kidding me?","Burke: No.","Jane: The saleslady has another batch of dresses for you to see, Cristina.","Cristina: Oh, thank you... mama.","(Cristina walks away)","Jane: Cristina has certainly made quite an effort. Tried on, I would say, over a hundred dresses, and that certainly could not have been easy for her.","Burke: Yeah, mama, I know she seems disinterested in wedding planning. But Cristina...she's not cold. I know she seems cold","Jane: Preston... if you think Cristina is right for you, I trust you. I trust your instincts.","(Conference room at Oceanside)","Carol: And the baby...the, um, the baby isn't even mine?","Doug: Honey, calm down.","Carol: Calm down?","Lisa: You mean I can keep this baby if I want to?","Violet: Uh, legally, yes.","Rick: So who's the father?","Cooper: We won't know the paternity of the baby till after Lisa delivers.","Addison: More urgent at the moment is the placenta accreta. The fact is, Lisa is at risk of having a life-threatening hemorrhage and the baby could deliver pre-term.","Jim: So you're saying they could die?","Addison: There is a risk of death, yes. Lisa, I know you're scared. If you do go into pre-term labor, you'll have a c-section. And they'll monitor it and control it so that they have a better chance of saving your uterus and your life.","Lisa: And you'll save us, me and the baby?","Addison: Well, I have... I have to get back to Seattle. I have a practice. But I can refer you to someone local who...","Lisa: No, I want you. You be there.","(Sam's office)","Sam: I thought Kathy was coming to the appointment today.","Paul: Just...Kathy didn't come home last night. And, you know, I don't blame her, but it's just...what...what if she's with some guy right now? Some guy...some...some guy who can...who can bring it?","Sam: Okay. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. It's okay. All right? There are plenty of medical reasons","for low s*x drive. All right?","Paul: Sorry. Sorry.","(Kathy enters)","Paul: Honey...where were you?","Kathy: I was out. All night? And I had a chance to cheat, believe me. But I passed. Okay? I passed up being with someone who actually wants to be with me because I am stuck with you. You're crying?","Sam: Okay, let's...let's all just calm down here.","Kathy: All right...I'll be in the waiting room.","Paul: Oh! She's starting to hate me. What am I gonna do if little Paul can't perform?","Sam: Okay. Don't talk about your pen1s while you hug another man.","Paul: I'm sorry, man.","Sam: It's okay.","Paul: I'm sorry.","Sam: Let's draw some blood.","Paul: Okay, let's draw some blood.","(Mark walks up to the desk where Derek is)","Mark: What's in L.A.?","Derek: What?","Mark: For Addison. Any idea...what she might be doing there?","Derek: Naomi and Sam are down there, I guess. I don't know. You all right?","Mark: We were gonna try. We were gonna make a go of it... as a couple. She bet me I couldn't go 60 days without having s*x.","Derek: Oh. Let me guess. You couldn't do it.","Mark: No, she couldn't. She didn't want to be with me. I thought she did. I thought she might. But she didn't. And I caught her. You know...","Derek: Sleeping with somebody else? Oh, that must have been so hard for you. Not that I can't relate.","Mark: So I told her I did it.","Derek: You told her you did it?","Mark: I told her I lost the bet. I told her I slept with someone. I figured if she didn't want to be with","me, she shouldn't have to feel guilty about it.","Derek: Selfless. That's...out of character.","Mark: Yeah. Anyway, uh... I was just wondering if you knew what was in L.A.","Derek: No.","(Addison is in Naomi's office)","Addison: Okay, now I am going to the beach.","Naomi: Wait, Addie. Your test results came back in.","Addison: I think I'm gonna go with physicist guy.","Naomi: Your F.S.H. Level is high. Well, they're high this month. We can do, uh, ovarian stimulation.","Naomi: And your antral follicle count is only two.","Addison: That could be due to stress.","Naomi: Addison, I'm sorry. I did all the tests. There's no fertility potential here.","Addison: Okay. Uh... this is good. This is, um... oh, this is just... perfect.","Naomi: Addison...","Addison: I have the great guy. I don't have a baby because I'm focusing on my career. And then I have the other guy. I don't have his baby because he's not the great guy. And now I don't have the great guy or the other guy, and I'm finally ready to have a baby, and I can't. That is so... exactly what my life is. Exactly what my life is.","Naomi: I'm so sorry. I know how much you wanted this.","Addison: It's okay. I just, um... I just didn't realize I was out of time, that's all.","Naomi: Addie, please stay so we can...","Addison: No, it's okay. I'm fine. Thank you... for telling me. Thank you. I will see you at home.","(Addison enters the elevator)","Voice: Looks like you had a bad day.","Addison: Okay... enough. Okay? Not today. This is not a good day. All right? So why don't you just... shut up? Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! All right, then."],"Show Title":"Grey's Anatomy","Episode Number":"03x22","Episode Title":"The Other Side of this Life Pt.1","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Grey_s_Anatomy_03x24.json","Recap":["The five interns finally have to face one of the biggest tests of their careers, which will influence the rest of their lives as surgeons. Meredith is still feeling guilty about her stepmother's death, but feels confident that she will pass the exam, despite warnings from both Cristina and Richard. However, after her father, Thatcher, causes a scene at the hospital, Meredith finds herself unable to focus and doesn't write anything on the exam paper. Meanwhile, George gets accepted in the Mercy West Hospital surgical residency program and has to face a decision which will change his relationship with Izzie forever. Callie's suspicions of her husband's unfaithfulness grow, and is thrilled about George's transfer to a different hospital. Alex learns that Ava's memory has come back, but he becomes infuriated with her after learning that she is not willing to let her family know where she is. Bailey realizes that Callie's chances of becoming Chief Resident have increased considerably, while Burke cannot get Cristina to talk to him about their upcoming wedding. The attending physicians work with three injured mountain climbers who left their friend behind in order to save their own lives. Derek continues to feel pushed out by Meredith, and at Burke's stag party he flirts with another woman. Joe and his boyfriend consider adopting a baby, but things go bad for them when their surrogate mother collapses. Addison makes the shocking discovery that Adele, Webber's wife, is pregnant. Webber eventually bumps into her, but Adele hides in the ladies' bathroom, and when he finally enters he finds her collapsed on the floor."],"Transcript":["(Meredith is dressing for Susan's funeral)","MVO: A surgeon's education never ends. Every patient, every symptom, every operation...is a test, a chance for us to demonstrate how much we know...and how much more we have to learn.","(The kitchen at Meredith's house)","Cristina: How do you treat pancreatic divisum? Izzie?","Izzie: Oh, Cristina. If you're not gonna let us sleep, you at least have to let me put coffee in my cup.","Cristina: Okay, so go. No one's stopping you.","Izzie: I'm too tired to go.","Cristina: Pancreatic divisum.","Alex: Dorsal duct sphincterotomy.","Cristina: Not your turn, but correct. You do me.","Alex: I can't believe O'Malley's missing this. How's he gonna be ready?","Cristina: Oh, you're kidding, right?","Cristina: We have Callie's cards, but George has...","Izzie: George has Callie.","Alex: What's the most frequent cause of diarrhea in hospitalized patients?","Izzie: Is she coming to this bachelorette thing tonight?","Cristina: Rotavirus. Yes. Uh, no! No, no, no. Uh, salmonella.","Alex: Diarrhea in hospitalized patients.","(Meredith enters)","Meredith: The most frequent cause of diarrhea in hospitalized patients is C.Diff which can lead to toxic megacolon, perforation, sepsis and death. That's what killed Susan.","Izzie: Is she okay?","Cristina: Oh, she's fine.","Alex: Dude, she's messed up.","Izzie: Of course she's messed up. Susan was basically her surrogate mother.","Cristina: Yeah, her fake mom was better than her real mom.","Izzie: Is she going to the hospital first or the funeral?","Cristina: First to the hospital, then to the funeral, then to the test this afternoon.","Alex: Has she even studied?","Cristina: Yeah, she studied. She's fine. She just needs to be left alone, okay? So what's inside the carotid sheath? Izzie?","(Callie and George are at their hotel room)","George: The internal carotid artery, the internal jugular vein and the vagus nerve.","Callie: Ah, that was too easy. Let's find you a hard one. Uh, what is this?","George: Uh, what is what? Oh, yeah. That just came this morning.","Callie: You got... You got a spot at Mercy West! Why...why didn't you tell me?","George: Because it's pending the results of the intern exam.","Callie: Oh, you know what this means, don't you? You, you got, you got into Mercy West you got into mercy west","George: I haven't told the chief yet.","Callie: You'll tell him today. He'll understand. It's a smaller program, fewer residents...fewer distractions, more surgeries. And when I come home and ask you how your day went, you can actually tell me because I won't already know.","(They kiss. She leaves George smiling sadly.)","(Derek enters the elevator where Meredith is)","Meredith: Hi.","Derek: Hi.","Derek: Look, I... I know this is an...an impossible day for you. So...I'm just want to say one thing. I brought a black suit, just in case.","Meredith: Thank you. But I think this is something I need to do by myself.","(His pager goes off and he exits the elevator)","Derek: If you need me, just... (The elevator closes)...let me know.","(Burke walks up to Cristina in the hallway)","Burke: Oh, Cristina.","Cristina: What is MEN Syndrome? Don't answer that.","Burke: The minister needs to see a copy of your vows before the wedding.","Cristina: Multiple endocrine neoplasia. Yes.","Burke: Look, I know it's test day, and I'm not supposed to be talking about the wedding on test day . But since tomorrow's our wedding day-","Cristina: You have five seconds. Go.","Burke: Bill Adams can't make it. I have no best man.","Cristina: Oh, no. Baby, I'm so sorry.","Burke: And I need your vows by...","Cristina: Okay, time's up.","Burke: Cristina...","Cristina: Test day.","Burke: What am I supposed to tell the minister?","Cristina: Test day.","(Burke, Mark, Derek, Addison, Callie and Bailey are in the ER)","Addison: They paged you guys, too?","Burke: Well, I think they paged all of us.","Addison: That can't be good.","Mark: Sure it can. He could be letting us know I won the race for chief.","Bailey: Not today, he isn't. He's making his recommendation to the board tomorrow for chief of surgery and chief resident.","Derek: Why were we all paged?","Bailey: Oh, because search and rescue found those lost climbers who were up on Mount Rainier.","(Richard enters)","Richard: People, the climbers are on their way.","Derek: Any specifics?","Richard: They found only three so far. One's still missing. They're reporting severe dehydration with traumatic head and chest injuries. Dr. Bailey, Dr. Torres, you'll be my trauma team.","Bailey: Bad day not to have interns.","Mark: What?","Callie: Today's the intern exam.","Richard: You'll all have to do your own heavy lifting today. And if you see an intern, which you will, because they can't help themselves, turn them away until after the exam. The ambulances are five minutes away.","It's time to do what we do best, people. Let's roll.","(Alex is in the NICU holding Jane Doe's baby while she quizzes him)","Jane Doe: What is a Gerota's fascia?","Alex: Uh, the fascia surrounding the kidney.","Jane Doe: Which is longer, the left or the right renal vein?","Alex: That's right. The left one.","Jane Doe: Looks and smarts...not bad.","Alex: You think?","Jane Doe: She's got my dad's nose, though. Girl's gotta have a big personality to pull off that nose.","Alex: What? You...you remember your dad?","Jane Doe: No. I don't...no.","Alex: You just said...","Jane Doe: I know, but I... I have no idea where that came from.","Alex: That was a memory. That's what it's like sometimes. It doesn't always come back all at once. It can happen in bits and pieces.","Jane Doe: Don't...don't get all...","Alex: Dude, your memory's coming back.","(Richard, Burke and Derek are standing in the ambulance bay)","Richard: So how you feelin', Preston? You ready?","Burke: I'm always ready for surgery.","Derek: I think he's talking about the wedding.","Richard: Yeah, tomorrow's the big day.","Burke: And apart from the fact that Cristina hasn't written her vows, my best man just canceled, and it's still raining...","Derek: He's not ready.","Richard: You're never ready. I certainly wasn't. But then... The minute I saw Adele coming down that aisle...well... Have you picked your best man?","Burke: Actually, chief, I...","Derek: You can't be his best man.","Richard: Why not?","Derek: Because it's unethical. It's a conflict of interest. The man wants to be chief of surgery.","Burke: Actually, Derek...","Derek: Not that that's why you're asking.","Burke: I was... Going to ask you.","Derek: Ask me what?","(Burke just looks at him)","Derek: Really?","Burke: We have been through a lot this year.","Derek: And everybody else turned you down. Oh, what do I have to do?","Richard: Well, traditionally the best man plans the bachelor party.","Derek: Drinks at Joe's after work?","Burke: Yeah. I knew you were the man for the job.","(The ambulance arrives)","Paramedic: Dale Winick, 32, B.P.90 over 50,tachy to 110. Severe frostbite, but no obvious internal injuries.","Richard: Got it. My god.","Derek: Wow.","Paramedic: Yeah, those aren't gloves.","(The trauma room)","Dale: Please someone tell me are the other guys ok?","Richard: They're right behind you. We'll let you know.","Mark: Get him a tet-tox and push a gram of cefazolin IV. And let's get some warm, circulating water","to start thawing his hands.","Addison: I'll get someone on it. Callie.","(Addison walks into the hall)","(The interns are in the hallway peering through a window at the ER)","Izzie: We're supposed to be studying. If Bailey finds out we're down here...","Cristina: We are studying. How do you treat frostbite?","George: Re-warm, avoid early surgery unless there's a deep infection due to auto-amputation.","Cristina: See? Studying.","(Another frostbite sufferer is entering the ER)","Burke: Okay, okay, Mr. Meltzer, Mr. Meltzer, I'm gonna need you to save your breath, okay? We're gonna give you some pain meds.","Andy: It hurts","Burke: You have several broken ribs, which are compromising your breathing. You understand?","Cristina: Did you see that?","Meredith: That is freaky.","Cristina: I think that was a flail chest. I've never seen one before. Come on. Come on. Why, oh, why does today have to be test day?","Meredith: Oh, I know.","Cristina: Look... I bet you if you talk to the chief, he'll let you take the test later with the funeral and everything.","Meredith: I don't need to take the test later.","Cristina: Okay.","(Another patient enters)","Derek: Can I get a little help here?","Jack: I can't feel my legs!","Derek: Sir, you could have a spinal injury. You need to stop fighting me and stay calm, okay? You're only making it worse. Where are we going?","Addison: You guys are going to trauma three.","Derek: All right. Trauma three.","(Izzie and George are standing alone in the hallway)","Izzie: You okay?","George: Yeah. I got accepted at Mercy West.","Izzie: Wow, that's... Are you gonna go?","George: Well, I kinda have to now, right?","(Bailey walks into the hallway)","Bailey: What are you fools doing here? In a few hours, you people are taking a test that will determine the course of your entire medical careers because the five interns with the lowest test scores will be cut from the program. But are you studying for this test? No, you're not. Are you helping out in the ER? You are most certainly not! Are you getting the hell out of here before I throw you out? I think you are.","(Alex runs into Derek in the hallway)","Alex: Whoa, Dr. Shepherd.","Derek: Aren't you supposed to be studying?","Alex: Yeah, I just have a quick question.","Derek: Yeah.","Alex: Could the craniotomy you performed on Ava...on Jane Doe...could...could that have affected her memory?","Derek: Uh, it's doubtful. I was mostly working in the speech center of her brain. But you never know. Why?","Alex: I think she remembered something. Can...can we test her to see if anything's changed?","Derek: Yeah, you can run another WMSR, but we're gonna have to wait and see if she remembers anything else. Good sign, though.","Alex: Thanks.","(Derek walks up to the nurse's station where Addison is)","Derek: Nice work, Dr. Montgomery.","Addison: Oh, thanks. I was just directing traffic.","Derek: I was being sarcastic.","Addison: Oh, like brain surgery is so impressive.","Derek: It is, actually.","(Joe and Walter enter)","Joe: Addison.","Addison: Yes? Oh, Joe, Walter. What are you guys doing here? Everything okay? Yeah, we came to see you, actually.","Joe: Uh we need a consult.","Addison: Don't tell me you're pregnant.","Joe: Uh, no, but...our birth mom is.","Walter: Potential birth mom.","Joe: She hasn't actually picked us yet.","Addison: You're adopting?","Joe: Well, we filed an application, but we never thought we'd get picked. You know, bar-owning gays don't get picked very often.","Walter: I guess having a baby is easier than we thought.","Addison: Yes, I guess so.","Joe: So I was hoping you could take a look at her? You know, kicking the tires, checking underneath the hood?","Walter: Car metaphors? No.","Addison: I'd be happy to. Just, uh, give me a call and we'll set up an appointment.","Joe: Well, see, that's the thing. Uh, she lives in Portland, and she's only gonna be in Seattle for one day, so...","Walter: She's kind of here now.","Addison: Now, as in...(Joe steps aside to reveal a pregnant woman) Now.","(Izzie catches up to George in the hallway)","Izzie: George, wait. Wait a minute.","George: Yeah?","Izzie: You don't have to do this. You don't have to transfer to Mercy West.","George: Yeah, I do.","Izzie: No. Just forget about you and me for a second, okay? What about Meredith? What about Alex and Cristina? Who's gonna hold us together if you're not here? You're the glue. You're George.","George: I can't stay here. I can't...","Izzie: No one's making you go.","George: Stay here and see you every day... And not...I can't keep kissing you in elevators.","Izzie: I know. I know that.","George: I'm married. I'm a married man.","(Alex enters Jane Doe's room)","Alex: You busy?","Jane Doe: Cute. What are you doing here? Isn't the exam in like-","Alex: Yeah, I know, I know. I just want to run a quick neuro-psych test on you.","Jane Doe: No. No! Go take your test. I...I have a baby to feed.","Alex: What the hell is wrong with you?","Jane Doe: Nothing.","Alex: You've been sitting in this bed for weeks wishing you could remember who you were, now suddenly you can.","Jane Doe: I can't. It was something I said.","Alex: Well, you remember your father's face. Why are you acting like it's no big deal, like it happens all the time?","Jane Doe: Alex, come on. I...I...it...that's not...","Alex: Unless it does happen all the time. Tell me the truth. Do you remember? Do you know who you are?","(Cristina and Meredith are walking through the hall)","Cristina: What is biloma? What is biloma?","Meredith: Cristina, I really don't have time ...A biloma is an intperitoneal bile fluid collection.","Cristina: Excellent.","Meredith: Okay? I'll be fine.","(Thatcher enters)","George: Meredith.","Meredith: George, I gotta go.","George: Your dad.","Meredith: Hey. I...I...I was just on my way...","Thatcher: No, I...I came here to tell you you're not wanted. I don't want you at any funeral, Meredith.","Richard: Thatcher, why don't you come...","Thatcher: She trusted you! She came to you for help, and you killed her. You did. You killed my wife. You took her from me.","(Molly enters)","Molly: Dad!","Thatcher: So I don't...I don't want to see you. I don't want to hear from you, and I don't want you anywhere near her funeral. You understand me? Do you understand me?","Molly: Dad, dad, come on. This...Lexie's waiting in the car. We have to go, dad. We have to go now.","Thatcher: She was everything to me, all I had. She was all I had. She was all I had.","(Alex is still in Jane Doe's room)","Alex: I can sit here all day. I'll miss my test, but I will sit here all day.","Jane Doe: I don't...I...it happened a few days ago, and I...I just...I just woke up, and it was all there again.","Alex: And you didn't tell me?","Jane Doe: Becau...because there's...there's nothing to tell.","Alex: Why don't I believe that?","Jane Doe: I was a pregnant woman in a lousy marriage to the nicest guy anyone's ever met. End of story.","Alex: Who...who is he? What does he do? Wh...where...where did you meet him?","Jane Doe: College. We got married the year after we graduated. He... I wanted...I wanted to move to New York, and he wanted to live on the side of a mountain and take over his dad's shop. And he's a woodworker.","He makes beautiful furniture. It's...it's...it's quiet, and he's quiet and...I was going out of my mind.","Alex: So you just... Took off?","Jane Doe: No, I... I need...I need...I need...I needed to think and to be around other people, so I came to Seattle, and I...thought I'd see the sights, ride the ferry.","Alex: Have you even called him?","Jane Doe: No.","Alex: Why not?","Jane Doe: I left him, Alex.","Alex: So? He's your husband. You should call him. You want me to call him? I mean, what's his name? What's your name?","Jane Doe: I'm not telling you that.","(Meredith, George, Cristina and Izzie are in the locker room preparing for their test)","Izzie: We've got everything taken care of.","George: You don't have to worry about a thing.","Cristina: I've got number 2 pencils and bottled water.","Izzie: Oh, and...and powerbars.","Cristina: And you know the material. You're gonna get a high score...not as high as mine...but everything's gonna be fine.","(Alex enters)","Alex: What are you guys all standing around for? Don't we have a test to...what happened?","(Richard enters)","Richard: You people need to head upstairs. Dr. Grey will join you in a minute.","(Everyone leaves)","Richard: You're not to blame for Susan Grey's death, and you know it, and your father knows it, too. He's just...","Well, he's never been the best communicator, and he just lost his wife.","Meredith: Stop acting like my surrogate father.","Richard: Meredith, I'm...just...","Meredith: Because you slept with my mother, that does not make you my father.","(Derek is in the ER with the three men)","Derek: Follow my finger, okay? Up, down, up down, side to side. Good. Let me know if you can feel this, okay?","Jack: Yeah, I'm not enjoying that.","Derek: Good. That's a good sign.","Jack: It means I'm not paralyzed?","Derek: Well, the MRI Will show us the full extent of the injuries. But, uh, can we ask you what happened up there?","Dale: It was my fault.","Andy: Dale...it wasn't your fault.","Dale: 60 ways to get up Mount Rainier, and I had to pick Liberty Ridge","Jack: It wasn't the route. It was the storm. On a clear day, you don't think about storms. A minute later, the wind's pasting you to the side of the mountain, and you can't see your hand in front of your face.","Burke: Is that why you fell, because of the storm?","Jack: All I know is I felt the rope tug, and...I was in midair.","Andy: We all were. We were tied together. Must have been a 100-foot drop.","Dale: And when we came to, Lonnie wasn't moving.","Derek: Lonnie? He's your friend who's still missing?","Burke: Well, this Lonnie, is that why he didn't make it back, because he was hurt?","Jack: Because he was dead.","Burke: I'm sorry.","Jack: We had to leave him. We had to get to the other side of the mountain, or we'd be dead, too. We had no choice.","Dale: You always have a choice. You never leave a man behind.","(The test room for the interns)","Proctor: Please take your seats, doctors, and put all study materials away.","Cristina: Okay, if you don't know the answer, choose \"B.\" It's always \"B.\"","Proctor: And write your name in the upper right-hand corner of your answer sheets.","(George goes to sit down and then moves when Izzie sits nearby)","Proctor: You may open your test booklets...now.","(Joe and Walter are in the exam room with Rina and Addison)","Joe: We...we don't have to be here if you're uncomfortable.","Rina: Oh, no, it's fine. Un...unless you're uncomfortable.","Joe: Actually, uh, I...I...","Walter: He's fine.","Addison: So, Rina, how are you feeling? Any problems?","Rina: Just the fact that I'm huge, and I have, like, the worst heartburn I've ever had in my life.","Addison: I can prescribe an antacid for that. The first thing we're gonna do is take a look at the baby. This might be a little cold.","Rina: This baby deserves parents who are gonna make it their whole world, you know?","Joe: Y...you know we're gay, right?","Rina: I figured, with you both being boys and everything. The other couple I'm considering, they're,like,oh,40.","She's been trying to get pregnant for ten years. It's so sad.","Addison: There's the heartbeat.","Joe: Wow.","Rina: There's, like, a person inside of me.","Addison: Actually... There are two people. Twins.","Rina: Oh, my god.","Walter: Oh, my god.","Joe: Oh, my god. I think I'm gonna pass out.","Addison: Joe? Joe?","(The test room for the interns)","Proctor: Doctors, we are halfway through our allotted time. You only have 60 minutes left to complete the exam.","(Meredith sits there not completing anything on her test. Everyone else is working as hard as possible. George is distracted by Meredith's lack of concentration in the test.)","(The test is over and the interns are in the hall)","George: Meredith. Meredith! (She just walks away) She didn't write anything on the test. She didn't answer a single question. She just sat there.","Cristina: Wait, G...George, just...just give her a second.","(Burke, Derek, Mark, Callie and Bailey are in the x-ray room)","Burke: I've got an extensive antero-lateral flail chest. He'll need surgical stabilization.","Dr. Torres, if you're available, I would really...","Derek: She's not. My guy has bone fragments in his spinal cord, internal fixation. Dr. Torres is gonna scrub in with me.","Bailey: Uh, we have more than one orthopedic surgeon in this hospital.","Mark: And you'll need 'em, because Dr. Torres and I are looking at possible multiple amputations.","Callie: Guys, I can be there for all of you. We just have to figure it out. Dr. Burke asked first.","(They all talk over each other)","Callie: Well, I mean, with all due respect...","Bailey: Okay, you all want Torres. Fine. Rock, paper, scissors.","Derek: One, two, three.","Bailey: All rocks .Very typical. Ready? And... Rock smashes scissors.","Callie: See you in the O.R.","Derek: Best two out of three. Dr. Burke!","(Everyone leaves except Mark and Bailey. Mark stands there smiling at her.)","Bailey: What?","Mark: I just wanted to know how it feels...to not have to spend the next 24 hours wondering if Richard picked you to be chief resident. How's it feel to be the chosen one?","(Mark leaves)","Bailey: Feels just fine.","(Meredith walks past Derek who is at the nurse's station)","Derek: Hey. How'd it go? Meredith.","(She keeps walking without even acknowledging Derek)","Cristina: Don't worry. I've got it.","(Izzie, George, Alex and Cristina are in the hallway above where Meredith is sitting in the waiting room)","Izzie: It's not like she actually flunked. She...she just didn't write anything.","Alex: It's kinda like she actually flunked.","George: One guy two years ago, he was on call three nights before his test. He slept through the whole thing.","He had to repeat his intern year.","Izzie: She can't repeat her intern year. It's pathetic. We have to do something. Cristina.","Cristina: What? O...okay, I don't know. I mean, Meredith and I don't fail things. This is not in my book.","(All of their pagers go off)","George: It's Bailey. We gotta go. We gotta go.","Izzie: We can't just leave her here.","Alex: You got a better idea?","(They all walk up to where Bailey is)","Bailey: Okay, it's, uh, show time, people. Yang, you're scrubbing in with Dr. Burke. Karev, you're with Dr. Montgomery. Stevens, find Dr. Sloan.","George: You paged me, too.","Bailey: Mercy West.","George: Callie told you.","Bailey: You're in the best surgical program in the country, the toughest, most competitive, most respected.","You want to leave this for Mercy West?","George: Mercy West...","Bailey: Is not Seattle Grace. Are you trying to...after all the work that we've put into you, are you trying to throw your career away?","George: I'm trying to... Do what's best for me right now. I've had some personal issues.","Bailey: I...I don't know what your personal problems are, and I don't care. I do care about your career, so let me make myself clear. This is a mistake.","(George walks away and past Izzie who has been watching from afar)","Izzie: George...","(Callie has been watching the whole exchange from nearby)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(George is in the waiting room with Meredith)","George: It's like we're on a train that's going 200 miles an hour, and it would just be so nice to get off and just...stand on the platform, just for a minute.","Meredith: Looks like I'm off the train.","George: Our parents died. When a parent dies, it doesn't make any sense. So you make a lot of really terrible decisions...that you're gonna end up having to live with for a long time.","Meredith: You should go. You are still on the train. It's okay. You have to go. Go. Go. Go, go.","(Addison enters the ER and Adele calls to her)","Adele: Addison.","Addison: Adele. What are you doing here? What happened?","Adele: A fender bender. I'm fine. I told the ER Resident I'm fine, but...","Addison: All right, I'm gonna page Richard. I'll let him know you're here.","Adele: Oh, you will do no such thing, Addison. Richard cannot know I'm here. We're separated. My life is none of his business. I'm serious.","Addison: Okay. Uh, all right. Well...let's get you checked out. Do you have any, um, any pain, any...anything?","Adele: Well...there's one thing I should probably mention. I'm pregnant.","(Adele and Addison are in an exam room)","Addison: The baby looks fine on the ultrasound, but you are spotting a little. It's nothing severe, but I would like to hold you overnight for observation.","Adele: Overnight? Oh, no. I'm sorry","Addison: But...for just a couple of hours at least. Look, it could be nothing. But a pregnancy at your age is...","Adele: Terrifying? Embarrassing?","Addison: I was going to say a miracle.","Adele: I don't know. I resigned myself to the fact a long time ago that I would never have kids, and here I am, 52, about to be divorced and pregnant.","Addison: May I ask who...the father is?","Adele: You may ask.","Addison: Look, all I'm saying is that if Richard finds out that you're walking around this hospital carrying another man's baby...","Adele: Richard is not going to find out because neither one of us are going to tell him.","(Addison walks into the hall and bumps into Richard)","Addison: Chief.","Richard: Addison. I just heard the news.","Addison: You...you heard? Who told you? What...what did you hear?","Richard: That Joe and Walter are adopting. Is the birth mom here? I'd love to put in a good word.","Addison: Oh, no, no, no. Chief, you don't want to go in there. It's a young girl... in the stirrups, you know, her equipment exposed, right? You don't want to see that.","Richard: No, I...I don't want to see that.","(Alex is in the waiting room with Meredith)","Meredith: Are you going to give me an inspirational speech, too?","Alex: No.","(Izzie and George are in the hall)","Izzie: George...","George: Oh, I can't talk. I have a patient to prep.","Izzie: This isn't about you and me. This is about Meredith. What are we gonna do?","George: There's nothing to do.","Izzie: What?","George: I'm not even gonna be here in a week, so...","Izzie: So your transferring to another hospital means we're not gonna be friends anymore? Why are you doing this, George? Didn't you hear a word of what Bailey said?","(They walk past the curtain where the climbers are)","Andy: What were we supposed to do, hmm, carry him down the mountain? He was our friend, and we left him there.","Jack: If we hadn't, we'd be dead, too. You know that.","Andy: Dale was right. You don't...you don't do that. You don't climb all the way up there together just to leave a man behind.","(Addison is in the scrub room with Callie)","Addison: I am being stalked by pregnant women.","Callie: You're an obstetrician.","Addison: And barren. You know, apparently as a healthy, successful woman in her 30s, I don't deserve to have a baby. Maybe I'd have a fighting chance if were gay or a teenager or a member of the AARP.","Callie: Oh, that sucks. It really...","Addison: No, Oh, no, not you, too.","Callie: Oh, no, no, I'm not. I'm just...I'm thinking about it. That's all. Oh, I don't know. I don't even know. It's just that with George going to Mercy West next year...","Addison: He is?","Callie: Yeah, they have a spot for him, and we need a fresh start. We need to get away from all this crap. It might be a good time.","Addison: It's a great time. Don't let me and my fossilized eggs discourage you.","Callie: Are we gonna be friends still if I get pregnant?","Addison: Absolutely not.","(George walks up to Richard in the hall)","George: Hi, chief.","Richard: O'Malley, finally coming to see me about that letter from mercy west?","George: No, sir. I'm here about Meredith.","I have to say, I don't get it.","(Callie is in surgery with Cristina, Burke and Dale)","Cristina: I have to say I don't get it. Why would anybody waste their time freezing and climbing up the side of a glacier?","Burke: It's a way to test yourself, you know, your strength and endurance. You put yourself through a situation like that, and you know exactly who you are, what you're made of.","Burke: No. You?","Callie: I used to, all the time, in college.","Burke: Really?","Cristina: Really?","Callie: Yeah, it's, intense. I mean, it's painful and hellish, and you think your lungs are shredding, but,","man, when you get to the top, there is nothing like it. Makes the whole climb worth it.","(She leaves and then enters the surgery where Mark, Izzie and Andy are)","Callie: How's it going?","Mark: Worse than I thought. There's nothing here.","Callie: We're gonna amputate both?","Izzie: You can't amputate both of his hands. Isn't the left hand less damaged?","Mark: I don't want to take the man's hands, Dr. Stevens. Once the infection gets that deep, the only way to save his life is to make the cut.","(Derek is in surgery with Jack)","Derek: The patient's laminotomy happens at what level, Dr. O'Malley?","George: The level of maximal neural compressions between the pedicles of the fractured vertebrae.","Derek: Very good. You must have aced your exam today.","George: I don't know about aced.","Derek: How did Meredith do?","George: Yeah, she was kinda...don't worry, though. I talked to the chief.","Derek: About what?","George: She didn't tell you?","(Alex enters Jane Doe's room where she is pacing the floor)","Alex: All right, here's the thing...the Seattle police department's been on this for weeks. They've been in contact with missing persons from all 50 states, Canada, the FBI","Jane Doe: Alex...","Alex: You know how many people are trying to find you?","Jane Doe: Yeah, yes.","Alex: That's right. You do know. You know exactly how many relatives you have. You know if your parents are dead or alive. You know if you've got a sister somewhere who cries every day because she has no idea what happened to you.","Jane Doe: Stop it.","Alex: What do you think it's like for your husband?","Jane Doe: He didn't come looking for me, okay? He obviously doesn't want to find me. Besides, it's my life.","Alex: No, not just yours. What about your daughter? I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna lie for you. If you're not gonna tell anybody, I will.","Jane Doe: What are you gonna say? You don't know my real name. You don't know anything about me. It'll be my word against yours.","Alex: You're right. I have absolutely no idea who you are.","(He leaves, slamming the door behind him)","(George and Izzie are in the scrub room)","Izzie: You paged me?","George: Yeah. Uh, I think I figured out a way to help Meredith. But I've got Shepherd's post-op, so... I can't do it without your help. And I won't leave the program without, uh, knowing that she's still in it.","Izzie: You're not leaving the program. Listen... we made a mistake. We had s*x. But that's all it was. I think we both wanted it to mean something because...you didn't want to have to feel like that guy that cheats on his wife, and I didn't want to have to feel like that girl who put you in that position in the first place. But the truth is... it didn't mean anything. I know you think I have feelings for you, but I don't. So you can stay. You're not leaving the program.","(Izzie leaves and then enters a utility room where she begins to cry)","(Mark and Callie are walking through the hall)","Mark: Nice work...three surgeries at the same time.","Callie: I performed four osteosyntheses, amputated two hands and stabilized one spine in two hours.","Mark: Impressive. Looks like Bailey's not a shoo-in for chief resident after all.","(Bailey walks up)","Bailey: Uh, you're in the running for chief resident, too?","Callie: Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?","Bailey: No. Uh, it makes sense. I just... I hadn't thought about it. That's all.","Callie: I'm good at what I do, Bailey. I'm focused, I'm disciplined, I'm...I'm more than qualified to be chief resident. Look, we all know that you're the chief's favorite, but that doesn't mean I can't take a shot.","(Izzie escorts Meredith to a conference room where Richard is)","Izzie: Here she is.","Richard: Thank you, Stevens. You can go now.","Izzie: We'll be waiting right outside.","Meredith: You don't have to.","Izzie: Shut up.","Meredith: If you called me here to lecture me...","Richard: There's a copy of the intern's exam on the table, some number 2 pencils, a bottle of water and a sandwich if you get hungry. I'll send a proctor in, and I'll come back in a few hours and check on you.","Meredith: You are not my father.","Richard: I know that. I know.","(He hugs her and she breaks down crying)","(Derek looks in and sees Meredith taking her test and all her friends are waiting nearby. He is once again left behind.)","Alex: Well, at least test day is almost over.","Cristina: Speak for yourself. I'm getting married tomorrow.","(Seattle scenes)","(Joe's bar)","Burke: Hey.","Addison: Hey. This is what you invited me to? This is your big bachelor party?","Derek: It was last-minute. I needed some warm bodies.","Mark: Which would explain why I'm here.","Addison: Why am I the only girl, by the way? What am I, the entertainment? I am not stripping.","Derek: That's okay. We've seen it already.","Mark: True.","Burke: I haven't.","Addison: Yeah, well, why don't I buy you a drink instead? First round's on me.","(Mark goes to the bar with her)","Mark: I'll give you a hand with those.","Derek: Cristina write her vows?","Burke: I guess I'll find out tomorrow. How's Meredith doing?","Derek: I have no idea. Shouldn't be this difficult, should it?","Burke: Probably not. Then again...when I see Cristina walking down that aisle tomorrow...","Derek: It'll all be worth it?","(Addison and Mark are at the bar)","Mark: So how was LA?","Addison: LA was...different. Look, Mark... things don't have to be awkward between us. We tried. We tried, and we did our best, and just because we failed as a couple, it doesn't mean...","Mark: I know.","Addison: So we're still friends?","Mark: With benefits?","Addison: Don't push it.","Mark: Thanks, Joe.","Addison: So hey, how'd it go with, uh, Rina?","Joe: Oh, well... Walter took her to the bus station, and I'm pretty sure he was wishing it was me he was dropping off.","Addison: That bad, huh?","Joe: If I can't even make it through an ultrasound without breathing into a paper bag, how am I gonna handle a kid? Forget about twins.","Addison: You two are gonna make great parents, okay? Whenever that happens.","Joe: You...ever think about having kids?","Addison: All the time.","(Richard is walking in the hall and sees Adele, she ducks into the women's room)","Richard: Adele? Adele. Oh, come on. I know you saw me. Now this is just silly. You don't have to hide. I've moved on. I'm dating now. Okay, I'm not actually dating, but I intend to...at some point.","(Cristina's bachlorette party at Meredith's house)","Cristina: What the hell am I supposed to do about the stupid vows?","Meredith: You still haven't written anything?","Cristina: Well, it's stupid crap.","Izzie: No, it isn't.","Cristina: Well, what am I supposed to say? I swear to love and cherish you every moment of every day of my life? I mean, that's not real. I mean, that's not how it works, right?","Callie: It does, at first, but then it...","Meredith: It passes.","Izzie: No, it doesn't. You guys are just used to it. That's all. You already have it. You have that thing everybody else wants. You can take it for granted. But let me tell you, if you didn't, if you couldn't be with the person that you love, I guarantee that hearing him promise to love you and honor you and cherish you, no matter what, it would be pretty much all you could think about.","Cristina: Wait, can you say that again, uh, just slowly?","Meredith: You're talking about Denny, right?","Izzie: Yeah.","(Derek is at the bar when a woman walks up)","Woman: Hi.","Derek: Hi.","Woman: Can I buy you a drink?","Derek: You're forward.","Woman: Bad day, I get to be forward today.","Derek: Yeah, I had a bad day, too.","Woman: So what do you say, one drink?","Derek: Um... I'm with some friends. It's a bachelor party. So I'm gonna... I'm gonna say no.","Woman: That's too bad.","Derek: Yeah... maybe you're right.","(George is sitting alone in the hall of the hospital)","(Jane Doe walks up to Alex who is in the NICU with her baby)","Jane Doe: Rebecca Pope. That's my name.","(Richard is still outside the bathroom)","Richard: Adele! (He enters the bathroom) Adele, come on. Now you've got me in this ladies' room. The least you could do is an...(He sees Adele on the floor) Adele. Oh, my god.","(Walter and Rina enter Joe's bar)","Joe: What are you doing here?","Walter: Sweetie, get Rina some water.","Addison: I thought you guys were going to the bus station.","Rina: We were. It's this heartburn. It's like it's...it's ripping through...(She falls to the floor)...oh!","Addison: Call an ambulance.","(Bailey is on the phone)","Bailey: Tucker, uh, since he's awake, can you put him on?","(An ambulance arrives)","Bailey: Let me call you back. (To paramedic) Nicole, what have you got?","Paramedic: We got the fourth climber. Pressure's 70s, last pulse 135. Severely hypothermic. Started two large-bore IVs. Oh, and, uh, obvious head trauma.","(She pulls back the blanket)","Bailey: Is that an axe in his head? What the hell happened up on that mountain? Let's go.","(Richard is on the bathroom floor)","Richard: Adele. Somebody help me! Please! (He puts his hand into a puddle of Adele's blood) Somebody help. Please, somebody help me!"],"Show Title":"Grey's Anatomy","Episode Number":"03x24","Episode Title":"Testing 1-2-3","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Grey_s_Anatomy_04x12.json","Recap":["Six weeks have passed since Derek started dating Rose, and the new residents are competing in a surgical contest. Meredith wins, giving her the power to take the other residents' surgeries. Izzie treats a man with a swollen ankle who collapsed, as she believes that he has a mystery illness. The doctors treat a family who were all victims of a bear attack. Meredith thinks that one of the victims might be suffering from a neurological disorder, but she is brushed off by others who think she's just trying to get an opportunity to be with Derek. George and Lexie have moved into their new apartment and Lexie begins stealing stuff from the hospital to furnish it. Callie and Erica continue their friendship. Meredith suggests a neurological clinical trial."],"Transcript":["Credit & Thanks to ~ Vibrant Fields ~ Grey's Anatomy S4x12","MVO: we like to think that we are rational beings ... (view of Christina with her feet up on a chair in the lounge sleeping with something over her eyes)","MVO: humane ... conscientious ... (view of Izzie in the clinic hallway asleep on a gurney with a book\/chart in her hands)","MVO: civilized ... (view through window of Alex asleep face down)","MVO: thoughtful.","(close- up on Meredith sitting in her therapist's office)","Therapist: This is your third session, and you still haven't said anything yet. Now, while I love the quiet time, ...","Meredith: I read a study that, uh, says that just the act of going to therapy is beneficial, even if you don't say anything, even if you just sit.","Therapist: So you thought you'd come here and just sit? That's how you're gonna solve your problems?","Meredith: I don't have problems.","Therapist: What brings you here?","(Meredith has no answer for that.)","MVO: But when things fall apart ... even just a little ... it becomes clear- we're no better than animals.","(pan from the therapist waiting for an answer, to her fish tank, to roaches crawling across a table. The table is in George's really dirty tiny filthy apartment. He has a book in his hands and is clearly not happy with the roaches as he swats at them.)","George: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! (he jumps over a chair and reaches for something in the kitchen area and throws it in the roaches' direction. Lexie is standing in a doorway brushing her teeth.)","Lexie: It's not that bad. I mean, once we get rid of the roaches, the apartment","George: the CRAPartment.","Lexie: George, this is our home. We'll fix it up.","George: With what money?","Lexie: We'll figure it out. Look, I like it here, and I would like it here so much more if you would like it here, too.","(There is a roach crawling across the 50's looking fridge. He swats it with a yell. She watches him. He looks at her, unable to understand how he could get use to it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Therapist office:","MVO: we have opposable thumbs ...","Meredith: look, I'm fine. It's just ... I just haven't been sleeping. You know, it's a-the ... just been five weeks, and I can't sleep.","Therapist: Five weeks since what? (Meredith says nothing and sits back in her chair.) Look ... I work in this hospital. I try not to listen to gossip, but this is a very gossipy place. So there are some things that I've heard.","Meredith: Derek's not the reason I'm ... here. He's not the reason.","Therapist: Then what brings you here?","(Meredith's beeper goes off. She looks at it, and gets up and leaves.)","Meredith: you know, I gotta go. I'm in this contest.","Therapist: Grey, if you j ...","MVO: We think ... (view of a door and a beeper sounding. Christina bolts out of her lounge room.)","MVO: We walk erect ... (View of hallway of gurneys and sound of a beeper. Izzie sits up right with a start. She stumbles up off the gurney and runs down the hall.)","MVO: We speak ... we dream ... (view of Alex still sleeping on the couch as her pager buzzes.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","View of a larger hallway. Christina is walking fast down it, followed by Izzie and Meredith. They all start walking faster and faster.","MVO: but deep down, we're all still rooting around in the primordial ooze, biting, clawing, scratching out an existence in the cold, dark world like the rest of the tree toads and sloths.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nurses station. Bailey is moving charts with Tuck on her hip. Webber is leaning on the counter.","Webber: There's a contest going on.","Bailey: Sir? (She walks away from him, but he follows her) Your residents-they've been living in the hospital around-the-clock for the last 14 days, engaged in a surgical contest with a point system.","Bailey: I don't know what you're talking about.","(She tries not to look as the sound of sneakers can be heard and then the 3 doctors go fast walking through the lobby. Webber turns back to Bailey with a look.)","Bailey: They're committed. It's commitment","Webber: It's a lion fight.","Bailey: Okay, I have one baby to get to day care. I have 50 residents on my watch, four surgeries on my schedule. The lions can fight all they want. I'm not zookeeper.","(Webber starts to walk off, and then turns back.)","Webber: Keep your animals under control.","Bailey: Yes, sir.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lobby. Christina comes to a halt to avoid Webber. Izzie and Meredith plow into her.","Meredith: Move it! They all look across the lobby and see Rose casually walking in with Derek.","Christina: She's wretched ... and mean.","Meredith: She's not.","Izzie: You know, I heard one of the nurses saying that they've only been on five dates.","Christina: Yeah, 'cause Derek knows she's wretched, and she's mean.","Izzie: Yeah.","(George walks up behind them)","George: (to Izzie) What did you do to your hair?","Meredith: You guys, I know you're trying to make me feel better, but I have to tell you, this pausing to talk about Rose and Derek, it just means ...","Christina: Yeah?","Meredith: I'm gonna win. (and she dashes off)","Izzie: You bitch! (Christina and Izzie follows her, but gets tangled in George briefly) What?","(George follows them at a hurried pace. They are bookin' down the halls.)","Izzie: (to George) Keeping it clean was getting in the way of the contest, so I chopped it off last night. It just makes me faster and sleeker, like a cheetah.","George: You chopped off all your hot hair for a stupid contest?","Izzie: Not stupid. Rock star contest. Best contest ever. You should try living in the hospital for two straight weeks, George. It's amazing.","Christina: (to George over her shoulder) This contest is for residents only.","George: (irritated) Yes! I know that.","Izzie: Doesn't mean he can't still live here. I feel juiced and alive, and my brain is clicking and running. I have never been more on my game.","Meredith: I'm kinda sad the contest ends tonight.","Christina: I'm not. I want that prize.","George: What prize?! (as he collides with someone on crutches)","Izzie: (slowing down only a bit for George to catch up.)Bailey won't tell us. But I want it. I want it bad.","Meredith: too bad you're never gonna get it.","Izzie: So on my game!","(George has stopped in the middle of the hallway as the girls continnue on, oblivious. He is frustrated and kicks the wall.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nurses Station Derek and rose round a corner. She continues on her way and he stops near Sloan at the nurses station.","Derek: (to Rose)Yeah. (to Sloan)Hi. (to nurse) Good morning. Thank you.","(Sloan watches Rose walk down the hall.)","Sloan: What do you see in her? Is it the hot s*x? Is she an animal? Is she a bobcat?","Derek: Mark.","Sloan: Come on. Lady on the streets, tramp in the sheets. Am I right?","Derek: (sarcastic) Oh, yeah. She's amazing. Hot, sweaty. Very dirty, hot, sweaty s*x.","Sloan: You haven't slept with her yet, have you?","Derek: She's waiting until we're serious. She has morals. She's a lady. Besides, you know what's better than s*x?","Sloan: What?","Derek: Anticipation. Anticipation, my friend.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scrub Room. Christina, Izzie and Meredith are prepping. Alex bursts in through the doors.","Alex: Why didn't anybody wake me?","Izzie: Why would we help you?","Alex: There's such a thing as honor.","Christina: Yeah, it's dog-eat-dog, Karev. Suck it up. (hands him a booklet as he dresses. She walks off.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Hallway. Callie and Hahn still in day clothes walk in.","Callie: I'm so not doing thiS.","Hahn: You so are gonna do it.","Callie: I'm so not.","(They walk past where the residents are prepping. Christina notices them.)","Christina: (in a lowered voice) Callie. Callie. Callie. Callie. Callie.","Callie: Oh, hey.","Christina: You-you came in with Hahn?","Callie: Erica? Yeah. We went out last night, and then it got kinda late with the dancing and the ... anyway ... we never made it home, so I hitched a ride here.","Christina: You're hanging out with Dr. Hahn?","Callie: Erica. Yes.","Christina: So you and Hahn are friends?","Callie: Erica. Yeah.","(Izzie, Meredith and Alex rush out into the hall to Christina)","Christina: (to Izzie) See, this is the downside of the contest. I'm stuck here all the time, and Callie's living in my apartment and hanging out with Hahn.","Izzie: I bet they're just trying to pick up guys. I'm so glad I'm past that. I don't need guys. I don't need s*x 'cause this competition is my orgasm.","Christina: You know what? I should be hanging out with Hahn.","Izzie: Cristina, would you focus? It is so much more fun kicking your ass when you focus.","(And she rushes off down the hallway. They all rush after her.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ambulance Bay. Alex has a clipboard that the others are trying to see.","Meredith: Who's winning?","Alex: Yang.","Christina: Surprised?","Izzie: What? Let me see. (she hangs over his shoulder) I'm 26 points behind? That's not possible. (Alex walks away from her. She stands there dumbfounded.) Count again. What about all the surgeries?","Christina: Only 3 points for watching. You gotta do. (ambulance sirens in the distance)","Izzie: I do do. I can't make them let me do procedures.","Meredith: You gotta ask.","Christina: You gotta take charge of your own destiny, make it happen, like this. (she marches right up to the ambulance that has now pulled in and throws open the door.) What do you got?","EMT: Otis Sharon, 61-year-old male, found unconscious on the street corner with a swollen ankle.","Christina: (disappointed) Not it. (and walks away)","Otis: I don't even know what happened.","EMT: Initial B. P. Was 90 over palp. Vitals stable after a bolus of N. S. (Meredith is looking him over.","Izzie: (shouting) Okay, he's mine. All of you back off.","Meredith: (sadly) It's a swollen ankle, Iz.","Izzie: (firm) Yeah, he passed out, he's pale, altered, hypotensive, and he's got a rash. You see a sprained ankle. I see a medical mystery. 80 points.","(She is talking while following the gurney backwards into the hospital. Bailey walks out past her and sees Meredith, Christina and Alex standing around.)","Bailey: Oh, Stevens is the only one working today?","Christina: Uh, no. We're all working. We got paged.","Bailey: For the ankle. It's gone. Now you're trolling for traumas?","Meredith: Somebody could come in any minute with a critical injury. We're being proactive.","Alex: We're helping people.","Bailey: You're trolling. You're trolling, and I've got no one on post-op and pre-op. Now move.","(a dirty SUV squeals into the Bay.)","Woman: Help us! Please help!","Phillip: Help my brother!","(Christina opens the door there is a man, Scott slumped in the back seat with a woman. )","Meredith: I'm gonna get a gurney.","Phillip: Help my brother.","(Alex has run to the Driver's passenger door to see to the woman, Mrs. Robinson. Bailey has opened the driver's door.)","Bailey: What happened to your hand?","Phillip: Uh, a bear.","Bailey: A what?","Mrs. Robinson: (to Meredith) He's really hurt. We tried to stop the bleeding.","Phillip: We were camping in the mountains.","Alex: You drove all the way here?","Phillip: We couldn't wait for an ambulance. (to Bailey)I'm fine.","Bailey: No, you're not. Let me see your hand.","Christina: Sir, let's try and get you on this gurney. (she gestures for Scott to get out.)","Mrs. Robinson: Careful.","Christina: Step down right here.","(She and Alex support him. Scott loses the coat that was on his lap and his intestines start to fall to the ground. Christina fumbles to catch them. The man has passed out and Alex is holding him to the gurney.)","Christina: I- intestines in the hands. Intestines in the hands.","Bailey: Did you just say-","Christina: Intestine in the hands!","[SCENE_BREAK]","ER Room. Christina, Bailey and Alex are seeing to the driver's arm. Hahn is also in the room. His wife, Mrs. Robinson, is by the door.","Phillip: He just touched it. He just ... just put his hand out. A cub, and then the m- the mother came.","Bailey: I bet she did.","Phillip: Why would he do that? We go camping all the time. I don't why ...","Bailey: okay, try to relax, Mr. Robinson.","Hahn: All right, get me a chest tube tray, please.","(Webber walks in the room)","Webber: Did I hear bear attack?","Bailey: Complete evisceration, chief.","Webber: Give me 100 of sux, 20 of etomidate. Get me an intubation tray and an O.R. Room ready now.","Phillip: Are you gonna put me under?","Hahn: Sir, it'll be the best thing that's happened to you all day.","Phillip: Is my brother gonna be okay? Please. This whole thing's my fault. I gotta know if he's okay.","Meredith: They're taking him to surgery. They don't know much yet.","Alex:We'll keep you informed.","Phillip: Okay, okay.","Hahn: Impressive hand, Phillip. I can see right through it.","Mrs. Robinson: (from the doorway) The bear cub, she just latched on and wouldn't let go. And then-and then when Scott came over to try to help, the mother, she ... oh, god. I can't believe we got out of there alive.","Pillip: He has to be all right. He's gonna be all right. (Mrs. Robinson goes to his side) He has to be, right? Right? He has to be all right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","ER Exam room. Izzie has a stethoscope to Otis' chest.","Izzie: You really don't remember how you fell?","Otis: One minute I was walking down the street, and the next minute, there was paramedics standing over me.","Izzie: Have you been feeling dizzy lately, like the room is spinning?","Otis: Maybe a little.","Izzie: Any muscle aches? Fatigue? Fever? Headaches?","Otis: Well, now that you mention it, yes.","Izzie: Any recent travels?","Otis: Well, I go back and forth to the east coast for my job. Does that count?","Izzie: Notice any tick or mosquito bites?","Otis: I- I live near a lake. I get mosquito bites all the time. Oh, god. Do I have something bad, like malaria or west nile virus or something?","Izzie: Oh, no, no. There's no need to panic, Mr. Sharon. We're gonna take this one step at a time, okay?","Otis: Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scrub room. Bailey, Christina and Alex are at the sink. Webber enters.","Webber: Mama bear don't mess around.","Bailey: Mama bears never mess around. Hahn enters","Hahn: I have a ross procedure, but I want to keep a close eye on his chest tube outputs and blood pressure. What's the game plan?","Webber: He's a setup for overwhelming sepsis, so we're gonna deal with the life-threatening blood loss and get out of there. You can't touch him until he's stable.","Hahn: I'm in O.R. Four. Can you make sure I'm getting hourly updates?","Christina: Oh, I'd be more than happy to apprise you of his condition, Hahn.","Hahn: Fine. (and she leaves.)","Alex: You don't get points for sucking up to an attending, Yang.","Christina: Oh, shut up.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Supply closet. Lexie is pulling supplies and putting them into a bag. George enters.","George: I hate this contest!","Lexie: There's a lot of stuff in here. There's a lot of stuff.","George: Stupid, stupid contest- stupid, and irresponsible. I want to play.","Lexie: There's good stuff, free stuff.","(Izzie enters)","Izzie: I need a butterfly needle, a vacutainer, and, uh, maybe an L. P. Kit. I'm 26 points behind, so I need it fast.","Lexie: Why, what do you got? Something good?","Izzie: Uh, sprained ankle.","(Lexie leaves)","George: you get 26 points for a sprained ankle?","Izzie: Last time callie treated what we thought was a sprained ankle, it turned out the patient was malnourished, had a perforated ulcer and died on the table.","George: That's the best case scenario.","Izzie: Well, not the death part, George. The medical mystery part. It's 80 points for solving a medical mystery. It's the holy grail of the competition.","George: Oh, yeah. Sometimes an ankle's just an ankle, though.","Izzie: (determined) Syncope, a very strange rash, pale, insidious onset in a guy who travels a lot. This is NOT just an ankle.","(Lexie returns with Izzie's request)","Izzie: Oh, thanks.","(Lexie pulls a plastic wrapped cloth from a shelf)","Lexie: Oh, I could do a lot with these.","George: That's an underpad. Underpads soak up urine.","Lexie: Or ... it could be a place mat.","(George leaves)","Lexie: (spying a urinal) OH! Fruit bowl.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Phillips Room. Phillip is filling out paperwork. His wife, Mrs. Robinson is there with Meredith and Christina.","Phillip: There. Done. Beat you, busted hand and all.","Meredith: It's completely illegible.","Mrs. Robinson: He's a slob.","Phillip: Still beat her.","Meredith: Okay, Mr. Robinson, O'Malley is going to come and take you to x-ray, and I am gonna take your wife to the waiting room until you get back.","Mrs. Robinson: She said \"wife.\" I'm still not used to that.","Phillip: We're newlyweds.","Meredith: Congratulations.","Phillip: She's my rebound girl.","Mrs. Robinson: Um, he's a little hopped up on painkillers right now. (to Phillip) I think you're oversharing, honey.","Phillip: She thought she was my rebound girl, but I rebounded her, all the way to the church. Only knew her ten days, but when you know, you know. You know?","Mrs. Robinson: (tenderly) I'm leaving you.","Phillip: I'll miss you while you're gone.","(Meredith and Mrs. Robinson leave the room. Mrs. Robinson leans against a wall and starts to cry.)","Meredith: Are you okay?","Mrs. Robinson: It's just, you know, you marry a man like that ... or a man like that marries you, and he's cute and he's rich ... he's a catch by anyone's standard. So you sort of sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop, because there's no way a man like that marries you. Or me. I mean, he married me. (Meredith looks sympathetically at her.) I'm sorry. I must look like a crazy woman.","Meredith: It's okay, but it looks like you're bleeding a little. Do you mind if I just take look?","Mrs. Robinson: No, no. I'm-I'm fine. I just scratched myself on a branch when we were running.","(She takes off her hat and we see a huge patch of her scalp is missing, and bloody matted hair. Meredith is staring at her head.)","Mrs. Robinson: Why are you looking at me like that?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mrs. Robinson's Room. Mrs. Robinson is now in bed. Derek, Sloan, and Meredith are there.","Derek: CT is clear.","Sloan: But it's deep. That bear clawed you good.","Mrs. Robinson: Go I didn't even feel it.","Meredith: Adrenaline's a pretty powerful drug.","Sloan: You're gonna have to repair the galea, but it should reattach without a problem.","Derek: Okay, squeeze my fingers as hard as you can, please.","Mrs. Robinson: I just got happy. I just got married, and I'm really, really happy. I don't have permanent brain damage, do I?","Derek: No, it appears that you do not.","Mrs. Robinson: Okay, good.","Derek: (to Meredith) Page me if any neuro deficits appear. (He barely looks at her and walks out. She watches him leave.)","Sloan: You got lucky. Your scalp wasn't completely taken off, so we can just sew it back on. Your hair should cover the scar. You won't even need surgery.","Mrs. Robinson: That's great. Thank you.","Sloan: Grey here will take care of you. You can go back to being a happy newlywed.","Mrs. Robinson: Okay.","Sloan: (whispered to Rose) Don't worry. He and Rose won't last.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OR. Scott's Surgery.","Webber: He's hypothermic, and his bowels are swollen. We need to stabilize him in the I.C.U. And try and get him back to the O.R. when he's less acidotic. That'll give us time to deal with the puncture wounds and the lacerations. Sorry to say that one of you has several hundred sutures ahead of you.","Christina (quickly): I can do it. I'll do it. I need the practice.","Alex: Her stitches are flawless. I need the work.","Christina: Yes, they're flawless because I practice.","Bailey: Karev, it's yours.","Alex: (elated) Yes.","Bailey: (to Christina) You need to update Hahn on the condition of the patient hourly. That ought to keep you busy.","Christina: That is a minute an hour. I can suture for the other 59.","Bailey: Fine, you both do it.","Alex: That's not fair.","Bailey: This man was a chew toy for a grizzly bear. There'll be enough to go around.","Webber: (mock surprise) A lot of enthusiasm for an afternoon of stitching.","Christina: Some people find it boring. I value the fundamentals.","Bailey: (to Webber) It's a point a suture. (to Christina) Kiss ass.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Hallway. Lexie comes through some double doors and then stops. She sees a picture on the wall next to her. She looks at it, looks around, then takes it and walks back the way she came.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Otis's exam room. Callie is looking at an X-ray. Izzie is palpating Otis' ankle.","Callie: It is a hairline fracture. His E.S.R. And C.R.P. S were elevated.","Izzie: I also appreciated some swelling in the knee.","Otis: What does that mean?","(Callie is in the background looking at Otis' chart. Listening to Izzie.)","Izzie: There could be some sort of inflammatory process going on.","Otis: Inflammatory? That sounds bad.","Izzie: I don't want you to worry yet, Mr. Sharon.","Otis: (surprised) Yet?","Izzie: Is there someone I can call for you? Maybe you shouldn't be alone here today.","Callie: (concerned) Um, how were his labs?","Izzie: W.B.C. 's normal, slightly anemic, potassium's mildly decreased.","Callie: Okay, give him, a, uh, k-rider, then see if you can tap the fluid in his knee to check for white cells or crystals. Let me know if the tap's positive. Good luck, Mr. Sharon.","Otis: You think I need luck? Oh, god. I want to go home. I want to go home.","Izzie: Mr. Sharon","Otis: I want ... look, I want to go back. I want to go back to when I was 30, and I want to stop smoking when I was 30. Or back to when I was 20 and not start smoking in the first place. I want to give up coffee and junk food and beer, and I want to be healthy like my ex-wife always nagged me to be. She was a saint. she was a saint, and I drove her away. I want to go back and not drive her away so I don't end up at 60, sick and fat and alone and scared in some hospital with some beautiful young doctor holding my hand, that she wouldn't be holding my hand except she's trying to figure out what horrible disease I'm gonna die of. I ... I want to go home.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Hallway. Callie is standing taking a breath when Christina and Alex come around the corner, walking fast towards the elevator.","Callie: Where's the fire?","Christina: Can't talk now. Gotta kick Karev's ass suturing.","(Seeing Karev waiting at the elevator, Christina turns around to Callie.)","Christina: Uh, since when are you friends with my mentor?","Callie: A,\" she's not your mentor because she treats you like crap, and \"b,\" if you weren't living in the hospital like a mangy dog, you would've noticed that Erica and I have been friends for a while.\"","(Christina looks back at the elevator. Alex is still waiting.)","Christina: You put in a good word for me, right?","Callie: We don't talk about you.","Christina: I let you live with me.","Callie: (looking at her chart)He's getting on the elevator.","Christina: Who?","Callie: Alex.","Christina: (turning around and running for the door) Hold it! Hold it!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Computer room. Meredith and George.","Meredith: It needs surgery, but callie wants to do 24 hours of antibiotic coverage. So I think we should just irrigate and splint.","Geroge: Okay. I'll take care of it.","Meredith: Or I could take care of it, and you could take care of the wife's scalp. She needs lots of complex sutures. You could get lots of complex practice.","George: Isn't that like a point a suture? You don't want that?","Meredith: I think this is bigger than a broken hand. He provoked a bear and then drove himself to the hospital.","George: Well, he-he was in shock.","Meredith: And he married his rebound girl.","George: What?","Meredith: He married his rebound girl, after knowing her for only ten days. Nobody does that. Who does that? I'm thinking brain tumor.","George: I got married on the spur of the moment, and I don't have a brain tumor.","Meredith: That you know of.","(pause as he considers that possiblity)","George: I'll do the scalp. (he starts out the door)","Meredith: You will?","George: I'm gonna watch you try to turn a broken hand into a neuro problem just to get some extra points? Nope. (and gets most of the way out the door)","Meredith: It's not about the points.","George: (turning back to her.) I'm gonna watch you try to turn a broken hand into a neuro problem just so you have a reason to talk to Shepherd? (laughs) Nope. (and walks down the hall.)","Meredith: (In the hallway calling after him.) I do not need a reason to talk to Shepherd. If I want to talk to Shepherd, I'll talk ... (she stops, realizing people in the hall are looking at her.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nurses station. Lexie walks to the desk and looks at charts. In the background, Rose is holding a huge basket of flowers and cannot see around them. She bumps into Derek.","Derek: What is this? Is this a hint? I should be getting you more gifts?","Rose: A grateful patient gave them to me, but since you're asking, I do like a nice box of chocolates.","Derek: You're gonna die of a diabetic coma, and I don't want any part of it.","Rose: Cheapskate.","Derek: Crackhead.","(He leaves and they are both smiling. Rose puts the flowers down on the desk. )","Rose: (to Lexie in a gossipy voice) Have you seen him?","Lexie: I have.","Rose: Have you seen his eyes?","Lexie: I ... Yeah.","(Meredith comes around a corner, stopping to write on a chart.)","Rose: I'm trying to play it cool. I am playing it so, so cool. (loudly) I love him. Oh, my god. I ... don't know you. I ... didn't say that.","(She flees. Lexie looks at the flowers. Then picks them up and starts to walk off with them and comes towards Meredith.)","Meredith: What's with the flowers?","Lexie: Uh, are you asking as a resident or a sister?","Meredith: Sister.","Lexie: I'm stealing stuff.","Meredith: Okay. (She looks past Lexie)","Lexie: Are ... you okay?","Meredith: (Leaving in the same direction as Rose.) Resident again now. Stop stealing crap from the hospital.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Exam Room. Christina and Alex are stitching up Scott. Webber is looking at the monitors.","Christina: 22.","Alex: Keep a lid on it.","Christina: I like to know where I am.","Bailey: (entering) Ph is up to 7. 28","Webber: Yeah, not great, but it's improving. Push another amp of bicarb for a boost. Karev's only at 17.","Alex: You're not helping!","Bailey: (from the med cart) Did you just yell at the chief?","Alex: Uh ... s-sorry, sir.","Bailey: Oh, I should end this competition right now.","Alex and Christina: No!","Webber: Uh, uh, I-I mean, uh, it's-it's fine. (Bailey is surprised by his defense of them) I mean, actually, they're doing some nice work. She's beating the pants off of you, Karev.","Alex: Don't you have an update to deliver?","Christina: Well, I think Hahn can wait a couple of minutes.","Bailey: Yang.","Christina: Crap. (she throws down her tools and leaves.)","Bailey: (to Webber) I thought you told me to keep the animals under control.","Webber: Well, from time to time, I like to go to the zoo.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OR. Hahn and others are performing surgery. Christina enters.","Christina: Dr. Hahn, Mr. Robinson is critical but stable. We had to put him on low dose levofed for his B. P , And he's put out 350 cc's from his chest tube.","Hahn: All right. I'll look forward to another scintillating report in an hour.","Christina: Of course. (She leaves slowly and then bolts through the scrub room)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Stairway. Derek and Sloan are descending.","Sloan: I'm thinking we ought to have a little contest of our own.","Derek: You want to live in the hospital like rodents?","Sloan: Different kind of contest. You and rose, you're not exclusive, right? So I'm thinking you're not serious. One woman, 10 points. 2 women, same time, 20 points. You get out in the morning before anybody wakes up, 5 point bonus.","Derek: You are serious. (He's not into the suggestion.)","Sloan: You need a little spice in your life, man. I'm just trying to help.","Derek: I am truly a worse human being for knowing you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Otis' exam room. Nurse and Izzie are performing a spinal tab on him.","Otis: Oh OWWW!","Izzie: It's okay, Mr. Sharon.","Otis: oh, it's not okay. It hurts. I'm alone. I'm all alone, and it hurts, and I'm not okay. I'm dying.","Izzie: (with annoyed determination) By some lucky stroke of fate, you fractured your ankle and ended up at Seattle Grace Hospital with ME as a doctor. And I am gonna find out what's wrong with you, and then I'm gonna do my damnedest to fix it, and if I can't fix it, I'm gonna assemble a team of doctors that are better than me, and they're gonna do their damnedest, too. And then you know what's gonna happen?","Otis: What?","Izzie: You're gonna live a healthier life, and maybe even call your ex-wife because you're being given a second chance at life and this time- this time you can do it right. You're gonna feel a little pressure.","Otis: OWWW Oh!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scott's room. Meredith wheels in Phillip. Christina and Alex are stitching.","Meredith: Chief, this is MR. Robinson's brother.","Phillip: Can I talk to him? Just for a minute.","(Webber nods)","Phillip: Hey, man.","Scott: Hey, that you, Phil?","Phillip: How you feeling?","Scott: I feel like A ... like a bear ate my guts out or something. You touched a cub, man. What the hell?","Phillip: I wasn't thinking. I ... I'm so sorry.","Meredith: So touching the cub, you knew better?","Scott: Of course he knew better. He's having an early midlife crisis. He's gonna kill us all.","Phillip: I'm not having a midlife crisis.","Scott: Dude, dude, dude, you married your midlife crisis","Phillip: Just 'cause you got eaten by a bear, you don't get to talk smack about my wife.","Meredith: So was this spontaneous wedding out of character for you?","(Christina sees where this is going)","Christina: You know what? He needs a little rest, so let's have some quiet.","(Meredith is unhappy about this, but quietly pulls back Phillip and wheels him out.)","Christina: Oh, where was I?","Webber: 59","Christina (to alex): You are toast.","Alex: tick tock. (He's not worried at all.)","Christina: Oh, shoot.","(she drops her stuff and starts hurriedly around the corner.","Webber: Yang, no running in the hospital.","[SCENE_BREAK]","ER. George is stitching Mrs. Robinson's scalp. Bailey walks through to Izzie. She sees the spinal tap kit on the desk next to her.)","Bailey: Why did we do a spinal tap on an ankle fracture?","Izzie: He's getting a full workup.","Bailey: How many points?","Izzie: What?","Bailey: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not putting this man through painful and unnecessary procedures because you're trying to win a contest.","Izzie: I'm doing this because my patient had dyspnea on exertion, headaches, fever, myalgia, a confluent rash intermittently over his entire body. I'm working him up for R.M.S.F and doing lyme titers, but I'm also worried about a rare autoimmune or rheumatoid disease because of his high C.R.P And sed rates, or maybe lupus. I'm doing a spinal tap, too, because he was altered and is amnestic about his fall earlier. I- I do want to win this contest, but I also want to make sure that a man does not leave this hospital with meningitis or encephalitis and discover when it's too late that all we did was treat his ankle.","(Bailey looks at her, thinking.)","Bailey: All right, then. Carry on.","(Izzie gratefully scoops up her stuff and leaves. George walks past Bailey.)","George: When you hear hoofbeats, think horses not zebras, right, Dr. Bailey?","Bailey: Exactly, O'Malley. Exactly.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Phillip's room. Meredith is shinning a pen light into Phillip's eyes.","Phillip: Something tells me you're not just worried about the damage to my hand.","Meredith: Phillip, earlier today, you were squinting at your paperwork.","Mrs. Robinson: I keep telling him he needs glasses.","Meredith: And your handwriting was very tiny and wasn't all that legible. Is that normal for you?","Phillip: Well, uh, never been a straight-a student, if that's what you mean.","Mrs. Robinson: Is he d- or are we done here? We could both use some rest.","Meredith: Humor me for one more second. Okay, look straight ahead. Tell me when you see my fingers.","Phillip: I see them.","Meredith: (jumps up with arms in the air) Tumor! (Phillip and his wife stare at her.) Sorry.","Phillip: This is nice of you, really. Dreaming up some brain tumor to make me feel better about the fact that I made a bear mad. Ever cross your mind I may be just the type of guy who's dumb enough to pet a bear?","Meredith: Jennifer, is he that type of guy?","Jennifer: Well, don't ask me. I've only known him a few months.","Meredith: Phillip, you knew better. You touched the cub anyway. That, along with your other symptoms-","Phillip: what symptoms? My vision's going bad. So I get glasses, right?","Meredith: But it's not just your vision. Brain tumors have been known to impede judgment, prompt spontaneity, impulsivity.","(She looks at Jennifer for confirmation. But Jennifer takes it differently.)","Jennifer: (sad) He married a trashy waitress, right? I mean, that's what you mean, that he married a girl like me, a rebound girl.","Meredith: I'm just saying, I would like him to have an M.R.I Just to be sure.","(Phillip looks at Jennifer and takes her hand.)","Phillip: Well, the answer's no.","Jennifer: Do the M.R.I-","Phillip: Honey, I don't need-","Jennifer: Phillip, do the damn M.R.I, Because you're wrong. (to Meredith.) He loves me. He loves me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OR. Hahn's surger. Christina walks in and just starts talking.","Christina: (rapidly) Mr. Robinson is doing better. We were able to D.C The levofed, and he's intermittently awake and lucid. His chest tube has put out 100 cc's since I last saw you, and I'll be back in an hour with another update. (she turns to leave)","Hahn: Is somebody chasing you Yang?","Christina: Excuse me?","Hahn: What are you racing around for?","Christina: Uh, uh, no reason.","Hahn: No reason? Not because you're running towards the finish line of this surgical contest?","Christina: Oh, that. Yes.","Hahn: Are you winning? Christina; Yes. Once I finish my sutures on Mr. Robinson.","Hahn: Oh, that's too bad. I was gonna let you watch me put Mrs. Witkowsky's new valve in, but if a contest is more important than a cardiac surgery, so be it.","(pause. Christina is really torn. She puts on her mask properly.)","Christina: (determined) I'd be happy to watch, Hahn.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Office. Izzie is at a desk looking at papers. George walks in.","Izzie: (frustrated) Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.","George: Ankle guy?","Izzie: His C. S. Fls spotless, the A. B. Gls normal, the ultrasound is clear- what am I missing? What am I missing? George comes around and looks at the papers too.","George: Oh.","Izzie: What?","George: Right there.","Izzie: Where?","George: See? Izzie:NO!","George: Well, the fact that you're doing unnecessary medical procedures to win a contest. No! Oh, my god. The fact that you and Meredith are both doing unnecessary medical procedures to win a contest.","Izzie: Meredith has a medical mystery?","George: No, she doesn't.","Izzie: Something is wrong. You wanna know how I know that?","George: No.","Izzie: Great doctors have that extra instinct, George. They just know.","George: Great doctors, they know when to stop.","Izzie: I have to have that instinct, George. 'Cause my instincts lately? Very bad. Really bad. They told me to go for cardio. They told me to have s*x with a married man.","George: Oh?","Izzie: They are not serving me well. I am in danger of going extinct here if this keeps up, and I am gonna win this contest if for no other reason than I have to win it!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Computer room. Meredith is at a terminal. George comes in.","George: You paged me?","Meredith: I thought you might like to see this.","George: Is that bear attack guy?","Meredith: That's bear attack guy, and that's his big ol' brain tumor. And I'm not requiring an apology, George. I'm not requiring an apology because the fact that I may have potentially saved a life today is reward enough for me.","George: You're calling me in to gloat.","Meredith: No. I need a favor. (she hands him the chart.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scotts Room. Webber is still tracking stitches, while Alex works.","Alex: What am I at?","Webber: 87. You're an underdog, aren't you, Karev? Alex:Sir?","Webber: It's not that you don't have the skills. You have the skills. But you're scrappy. You're a fighter. I like that. I always root for the underdog.","Alex: I'm a fighter, but, uh, I'm no underdog. Like this guy here. He-he didn't, uh, he didn't provoke that bear. His brother did it. Now he's here, fighting for his life, paying for someone else's mistakes. It doesn't make him an underdog. It just, well, makes him have to work harder to overcome the cards he got dealt.","(Webber thinks about this. Monitors start to go off.)","Webber: Oh, he's crashing. Hit that code button.","(They scramble to stablize Scott.)","Webber: We got a code blue! Code blue!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Hallway. George and Derek are looking at Phillips' head scan.","Derek: This is Meredith's patient?","George: Yes.","Derek: She didn't want to come to me herself?","George: Hey, I'm just ... her intern. (But he won't look at derek.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scott's Room. They are performing CPR, but the monitors are flatlined.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Philip's room. Close up of Philip in shock.","Philip: Oh, my god. Oh, my god.","Jennifer: Honey, I'm so sorry.","Webber: We did absolutely everything we could. The stress was just too much for his body.","(Phillip starts sobbing. Meredith and Webber wait.)","Webber: There's more.","Meredith: The neurosurgeon is going to come in and talk to you.","Jennifer: No. NO. I need to know. please.","Meredith: I'm sorry. I was right about the tumor. You have something called a malignant glioma. This kind of tumor causes, uh, behavioral ... it can cause inappropriate affect.","Jennifer: Can you operate?","Meredith: No. It's too invasive. It's been growing a long time. I'm so sorry.","(Phillip pulls himself together and looks up.)","Phillip: I ... good. Good, I deserve that. I killed my brother, so I don't deserve to survive.","(Jennifer is sad, and looks at Meredith. But there is nothing she can say.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Hallway. Meredith is leaving Phillip's room. Jennifer catches up to her.","Jennifer: Um ... doctor? I'm a symptom, right? I mean, I'm ... I'm like the bear cub. I'm just a symptom of this tumor. That's what we're saying here, right? Just so I'm clear.","Meredith: I don't know. I don't know that. You're the only one who could know that for sure.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Otis' room. Otis is resting in bed talking to Izzie.","Otis: When you say \"negative,\" do you mean as in bad or as in nonexistent?","Izzie: Nothing bad came up.","Otis: Well, what about all those alphabet tests you were rattling off? I mean, they were elevated or something. Izzie. Yeah. Um ... they were nonspecific. They likely indicated that you basically have a relatively minor flu.","Otis: I have the flu? This whole day ... everything you put me through ... you put me through all this for the flu?","Izzie: I'm sorry. I am. It just-it seemed like there was something more. It really seemed ... I know it's hard to see the silver lining here, but think of the discoveries you made today about yourself and your life and-and your ex-wife.","Otis: (shouting angrily) My ex-wife was a castrating bitch! She was a castrating bitch, and I never missed her for one day since she left! Not until today! And I missed her today because if we were still together, she would've shot me dead a long time ago, and I wouldn't have had to gone through the hell you put me through!","Izzie: (whispered) I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I really-","Otis: You treated me like a rat! Like a rat in some perverted lab! Just give my prescription. I want to get outta here.","Izzie: (sheepishly) The flu is a virus. It, um, doesn't respond to antibiotics. I suggest plenty of fluids and rest.","Otis: Fluids and rest? Fluids and rest?","Izzie: I'm sorry.","Otis: Fluids and freakin' rest!","Izzie: (fleeing) I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Hallway outside Webber's Office. Bailey is talking with him. Meredith, Izzie, and Alex are standing outside the door waiting. Christina runs up and joins them.","Alex: What are you doing here? You spent the last three hours watching a surgery. That's 3 points.","Christina: I'm trusting you guys screwed up enough that it won't matter.","Izzie: (agitated) I could still win. I could. I did get a lot of points today.","Alex: What's the matter with you? Where's the trash talk, Charles Barkley?","Christina: She knows I'm the best.","(They rush over to Bailey with Tuck who is exiting.)","Christina: Who won?","Bailey: (drawing it out.) Congratulaaaations ...","Christina: Who won?!","Bailey: Grey. The guy from the bear attack had a brain tumor, and Grey caught it. 80 points for solving a medical mystery. That's what put her over the top.","Christina: I could've found a tumor.","Bailey: But you didn't. You chose to scrub in with Hahn and watch for 3 little points. Now congratulate Grey.","Izzie\/Alex\/Christina: (dejectedly) Congratulations.","(Meredith turns to leave.)","Bailey: Hey, don't you want your prize? (she holds out a very sparkley, red and white striped object.)","Izzie: A shiny pager.","Bailey: A sparkle pager.","Christina: What's so great about a glitter pager?","Bailey: A SPARKLE pager. It is special. It is surgery's holy grail. It's been passed down from resident to resident, and now it belongs to Dr. Grey. For the next three months, whenever you all get a surgery, you have to page this pager, and if Grey wants your surgery, she has the right to take it from you.","Alex: Come on.","Christina: What?","Bailey: Enjoy the power, Grey. (turning back to the rest) Now may I recommend you all go home? You smell, you greasy, you need to bathe, and I'm sick of looking at you. Even my 1 year old here is sick of looking at you. Isn't that right, bug? Sick of looking at your little, ugly faces.","Meredith: Somehow I thought I would enjoy this more.","Izzie: Oh, well, give it to me. I'll enjoy it.","Alex: Don't give it to her. Give it to me.","Christina: Oh, shut up. It's hers. She's the winner. She's not gonna give it to you. Give it to me.","(Meredith walks off with it thinking.)","Christina: (in the background to Izzie) Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Elevator. Sloan and Derek are silent. Derek is fiddling with his phone.","Sloan: I don't like her. I'm sorry, but as your friend, it's my job to say it. I don't like Rose.","Derek: Why?","Sloan: You're not even sleeping with her.","Derek: (surprised)You don't like her because she's not sleeping with me? That's a little weird.","Sloan: It's not weird.","Derek: It's a little weird.","Sloan: Hey, if you were sleeping with rose, I could understand why you're spending time with her, but you're not. And it's-it's just, uh, I thought that, uh, you know ... I thought it was just gonna be you and me.","Derek: Having s*x?","Sloan: After! After Addison, after Meredith. I have been patient. I have waited while you partnered up with these chicks, but now they're over, and it's supposed to be just us, you and me, two guys on the prowl, on the hunt.","Derek: You're having trouble getting laid, and you need my help.","Sloan: I can get laid. -","Derek: Mm-hmm.","Sloan: I can get laid whenever I want.","Derek: uh- Huh.","Sloan: I do get laid whenever I want.","Derek: Uh huh","Sloan: That's the point. Women are everywhere. (pause) I only have one person I can talk to.","Derek: (sarcastic) That's sweet.","Sloan: Shut up","Derek: No, it's really warm and fuzzy, very sweet.","Sloan: Shut up. Are you serious about this woman?","Derek: I don't know. Could be.","(pause)","Sloan: All right. I'll give her a chance.","(the elevator dings and opens.)","Derek: Good boy (He steps off, leaving Sloan.)","Sloan: You're pathetic, and I'm a lesser man for knowing you.","Derek: That's my line. You can't use my line.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Office. Izzie at a desk by herself. Webber walks in.","Webber: Thought you were off duty an hour ago.","Izzie: I'm just catching up on some paperwork.","Webber: Piled up on you during the contest, I guess.","Izzie: You know about that?","Webber: I know about otis Sharon and the $120, 000 worth of unnecessary tests you ordered.","Izzie: Yeah. Well ... I lost. And I put a man through hell for no reason at all. I was a bad doctor today with bad instincts, and I deserved to lose. I don't know why I even bothered competing in the stupid contest.","Webber: So I don't need to yell?","Izzie: You should. You can. But you don't need to.","Webber: Good. (He turns to leave. And then turns back.) Stevens.","Izzie: Yes, sir?","Webber: My year ... I lost by 2 points.","Izzie: You-","Webber: you didn't invent the contest. The contest is a lion fight. So chin up, put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don't lick your wounds. Celebrate them. The scars you bear are the sign of a competitor. You were in a lion fight, Stevens. Just because you didn't win doesn't mean you don't know how to roar. (pause) Good night.","Izzie: Good night, sir.","MVO: There's a little animal in all of us, and maybe that's something to celebrate.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Christina unlocks her apartment door and walks in. Hahn is sitting in a chair talking with Callie over wine and cheese.","MVO: Our animal instinct is what makes us seek comfort, warmth, a pack to run with.","Christina: (recovering from surprise) Hi, um Hello, Dr. Hahn.","Callie: I hope it's okay I invited somebody over.","Christina: (reassuringly) Oh, no, it's fine. It's, uh ... it's an honor to have you here, Dr. Hahn.","Hahn: Okay. (to Callie) I have to tell you ... you won't believe it.","Callie: Yes","Christina: (at a loss) I ... . Was just going in there. (she turns and leaves, but comes back to watch. )","MVO: we may feel caged ...","Callie: (in background) are you kidding me?","(Callie and Hahn are having a great time.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","George enters his apartment. He stops and looks around.","MVO: We may feel trapped ... but still, as humans, we can find ways to feel free.","Lexie: Be-before you say anything, before you say a word, just-just hear me out. I know it's not much, and I- I-I know it's all stolen. I- it's all stolen and- and-and hospitaly and stolen.","(There are exam room curtains over the windows, stolen art and a Scrub Room sign, the flowers, the bedcloths, and sheets covering the furniture, and pillows on the couch. It is swept and tidied, though the fridge, sink, and walls are still horrid.)","Lexie: You can turn me in if you want to. You can report me for stealing, 'cause obviously, now I'm a thief. I've never even shoplifted a piece of gum before, and now I'm a thief, except I'm-I'm not. I'm a nester. I'm-I'm nesting. This is me nesting ... for you. Because you hate it here. You want to be at that big house with Meredith and Izzie where things are warm and you have your friends and-and there aren't any roaches. But this can be warm, and I put out traps for the roaches. And-and I ... I can be your friend. No, I-I ... I can be your friend. I d-don't- I don't have any friends here, not-not really, except you. And-and I don't have a home to go to anymore, ex-except here. I just-I ... I can be your friend.","George: I complain a lot, don't I?","Lexie: I- it's ... okay.","George: No. No. You know what? I'm gonna stop. I'm just-m just gonna stop right now. I'm gonna focus on what's good, you know, like, uh, like this crapartment, like this apartment.","(The sit on the couch together. She is relieved. He is thinking.)","MVO: We are each other's keepers.","Goerge: Wish you'd have stolen a tv.","Lexie: I tried. They're bolted to the walls.","George: Still.","[SCENE_BREAK]","MVO: We are the guardians of our own humanity.","Dark Office with Meredith. Books are open on a desk and she is studying the screen. Her pager lights up. She turns it off.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Next morning. Derek and Rose exit the elevator and kiss each other good bye. She walks off.","Derek: I'll see you.","(he looks around and sees Meredith at the Nurses station. He walks to her.)","MVO: And even though there's a beast inside all of us ...","Derek: Hi.","Meredith: I think I found a way to save lives. I don't know for sure, but I think, uh, we can save people who have the kind of tumors that Mr. Robinson has.","Derek: Mr. Robinson-the man who was mauled by the-the bear.","Meredith: I did all this research, and I found this. It's rare, and it's still untested in humans, but I could find patients for a clinical trial, and I could do the lab work, and I could track the results. But I do need a neurosurgeon, and you're one of the best. It's not about us. I would go somewhere else if I could. But ... I don't know. I think I found a way to save lives.","(She pushes the papers towards him. He picks up the first page.)","MVO: What sets us apart from the animals is that we can think, feel, dream and love. And against all odds ... against all instinct ...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Therapist's room. Pan from Therapist to Meredith wringing her hands on the couch.","Meredith: Okay. I think I better start talking now.","MVO: We evolve."],"Show Title":"Grey's Anatomy","Episode Number":"04x12","Episode Title":"Where the Wild Things Are","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Hannibal_01x03.json","Recap":["Abigail Hobbs awakens from her coma. Graham suspects that Garrett Jacob Hobbs, dubbed the \"Minnesota Shrike\", killed eight girls, but not the one impaled on the deer's head; that, he maintains, was a victim of a copycat, who called Hobbs to warn him. Crawford harbors suspicions that Abigail was somehow complicit in her father's killing spree, despite objections from Dr. Bloom, Lecter and Graham. Lounds meets the brother of the impaled girl and reveals to him that Abigail Hobbs is out of the hospital. Lecter and Graham take Abigail to her home, where she and her neighbor Marissa are confronted by the brother of the impaled girl, Nicholas Boyle. The following day, Abigail is taken to the cabin where Marissa is found impaled on a deer's head. In her house, Abigail finds the hair of one of the murdered girls inside a pillow and inadvertently kills Boyle in a way that, according to Lecter, cannot be seen as self-defense. Lecter helps her cover-up the murder, after which Abigail realizes it was Lecter who made the call to her father. Lecter suggests that Abigail keep his secret in exchange for his hiding her murder."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Can you tell me what that man is doing over there? He's some kind of special consultant for the FBI. I asked you to get close to the Hobbs thing. I need to know you didn't get too close. What you need is a way out of dark places when Jack sends you there. Last time he sent me into a dark place, I brought something back. A surrogate daughter? Abigail Hobbs is a suspect? She would make the ideal bait. Wouldn't she? Just a second. Dad? It's for you. Hello? They know.","(Birds chirping)","(Cicadas buzzing)","Mr. Hobbs: Easy, Abigail. You should wait for your shot.","(Gunshot)","(Soft thud)","Abigail: Ready? Three, two, one.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Abigail: She was so pretty.","Mr. Hobbs: She is so pretty.","Abigail: Aren't deer supposed to be complex, emotional creatures?","Mr. Hobbs: Yeah...","Abigail: I read they're like the equivalent of a four-year-old human.","Mr. Hobbs: They're smarter than a four-year-old.","Abigail: And they care about each other. They care about their environment. They tread lightly through the underbrush because they don't want to hurt the plants.","Mr. Hobbs: They're a lot like us. And we're gonna honor every part of her. Her hide is gonna make a beautiful rug. Her leg bones we can carve into knives. None of her is gonna go to waste. Just like we talked about. Start at the sternum. Keep the blade pointed up. Damage the organs, you ruin the meat.","(Blood spilling)","Abigail: I don't know how I'm gonna feel about eating her after all this.","Mr. Hobbs: Eating her is honoring her. Otherwise, it's it's just murder.","Abigail: Ok.","Mr. Hobbs: Nice and easy. Big breath. Good...","(Blood spilling)","(Monitors beeping)","(Muffled whimpering and coughing)","(Dog barking)","Alana: Morning!","Will: Didn't hear you drive up.","Alana: Hybrid. Great car for stalking.","Will: Um, I'm compelled to go cover myself.","Alana: I have brothers.","Will: Well, I'll put a robe on just the same. You want a cup of coffee? And more immediately, why are you here?","Alana: Yes, and Abigail Hobbs woke up.","Will: Well, you know how to bury the lead.","Alana: You want me to get you a cup of coffee?","Will: No. I want to get my coat.","Alana: Let's have a cup of coffee.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Ringing)","(Cell phone vibrating)","Will: Is he gonna keep calling?","Alana: Jack wants you to go see her.","Will: And you don't.","Alana: Eventually. Jack thinks Abigail was an accomplice to her father's crimes. I don't want to get in the middle of you and Jack, but if I can be helpful to you as a buffer-","Will: I-I like you as a buffer. I also like the fact that you rattle Jack. He respects you far too much to yell at you, no matter... how much he wants to.","Alana: And I take advantage of that.","Will: Abigail Hobbs doesn't have anyone.","Alana: You can't be her everyone. When I said what I was going to say in my head, it sounded really insulting, so I'm going to find another way to say it.","Will: Say it the insulting way.","Alana: Dogs keep a promise a person can't.","Will: I'm not collecting another stray.","Alana: The first person Abigail talks to about what happened can't be anyone who was there when it happened. So that means no Dr. Lecter either.","Will: Yeah, much less the guy who killed dad. Jack's wrong about Abigail.","Alana: Let me reach out to her in my own way.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Alana: Hi. I'm Alana Bloom.","Abigail: Are... you a doctor?","Alana: Not medicine. I'm a psychiatrist.","Abigail: What do you specialize in?","Alana: Among other things, family trauma.","Abigail: I asked the nurses if my parents were dead, and they wouldn't tell me. Said I had to wait for you.","Alana: I'm sorry you had to wait.","Abigail: I know they're dead. Who buried them?","Alana: They haven't been buried.","Abigail: Don't you think they should be?","Alana: Your mother was cremated per the instructions in her living will.","Abigail: (clears her throat) My dad?","Alana: Your father is more complicated.","Abigail: Because he was crazy?","Alana: The nurses said you didn't remember.","Abigail: I remember. I just didn't want to talk to them about it. I want to sell the house. I guess it's mine now. I can use the money for college, get an apartment. What are all those?","Alana: I brought you some clothes. Thought a change might feel good. I guessed your size, so anything you don't want, leave the tags on, I'll bring it back. And I brought you some music too.","Abigail: Your music?","Alana: If there isn't anything you like, I've got a stack of iTunes gift cards. I I've got a stack of gift cards. I don't do well redeeming gift cards.","Abigail: Probably says something about you.","Alana: Probably does.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Hannibal: I got seven families waiting.","Jack: No, let me rephrase: Demanding that we find whatever's left of their daughters. Abigail Hobbs may be the only person who knows the truth.","Alana: You can't ask her right now, Jack. We have to create a safe place for her first or you won't get any answers.","Jack: I respect your sympathy for her, Dr. Bloom. I hope one day you'll appreciate my lack of it.","Alana: You really think Abigail Hobbs helped her father kill those girls?","Jack: I think it's a possibility that needs to be ruled out. If Abigail didn't help her father, maybe she knows who did.","Hannibal: How was she when you saw her?","Alana: Surprisingly practical.","Jack: Suspiciously practical?","Hannibal: I would suggest you can be practical without being a murderer.","Alana: I think she's hiding something.","Hannibal: It may simply be her trauma.","Alana: Yeah, it could also be more. She has a penchant for manipulation. Withheld information to gain information. She demonstrated only enough emotions - to prove she had them.","Jack: You beginning to appreciate my lack of sympathy?","Hannibal: You said it may be more than trauma yet you question her involvement in the murders the father committed.","Alana: What I'm questioning is her state of mind.","Jack: I want Will Graham to talk to her.","Alana: Jack! Not yet!","Jack: You are not Will Graham's psychiatrist, Dr. Bloom. Dr. Lecter is.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Will: Garrett Jacob Hobbs the, uh, Minnesota shrike, abducted and murdered eight girls over an eight month period. Each of them had the same hair color, same eye color, same age, same height, same weight as his daughter Abigail. There was a ninth victim who also fit Abigail Hobbs's profile, but Garrett Jacob Hobbs didn't murder her. The killer who did wanted us to know he wasn't the Minnesota shrike. He was better than that. He is an intelligent psychopath. He is a sadist. He will never kill like this again. So how do we catch him?","Hannibal: Giving a lecture on Hobbs's copycat?","Jack: Well, we need whatever good minds we can get on this.","Will: This copycat is an avid reader of Freddie Lounds and tattlecrime.com. He had intimate knowledge of Garrett Jacob Hobbs's murders, motives, patterns enough to recreate them and, arguably, elevate them to art. How intimately did he know Garrett Jacob Hobbs? Did he appreciate him from afar or did he engage him? Did he ingratiate himself into Hobbs's life? Did Hobbs know his copycat as he was known? Before Garrett Jacob Hobbs murdered his wife and attempted to do the same to his daughter, he received an untraceable call. I believe the as-yet unidentified caller was our copycat killer.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Abigail: So you're not a doctor, a nurse, or a psychiatrist.","Freddie: I'm a journalist. I want to tell the truth. Your truth. Sometimes that involves some deception, but know this: I will never lie to you.","Abigail: Sounds like something a liar would say.","Freddie: If you tell me what you know, I can help you fill in the blanks.","Abigail: How about you tell me what you know?","Freddie: Your dad was the Minnesota shrike. Your mother wasn't the first person your father killed. He killed eight girls. Eight girls that looked-","Abigail: Just like me.","Yes.","Abigail: Why do they call him the shrike?","Freddie: It's a bird that impales its prey, harvests the organs to eat later. He was very sick.","Abigail: Does that mean I'm sick too?","Freddie: You'll be fighting that perception. Perception is the most important thing in your life right now.","Abigail: I don't care what anybody thinks.","Freddie: You'd better start caring, Abigail. What you remember, what you tell everyone is going to define the rest of your life. Let me help you.","Abigail: How did they catch him?","Freddie: A man named Will Graham. Works for the FBI but isn't FBI. He captures insane men because he can think like them. Because he is insane.","Will: Would you excuse us, please? Special Agent Will Graham.","Freddie: By Special Agent he means not really an agent. He didn't get past the screening process. Too unstable.","Hannibal: I really must insist you leave the room.","Freddie: If you wanna talk.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Will: Abigail, this is Dr. Lecter. Do you remember us?","Abigail: I remember you. You killed my dad.","Hannibal: You've been in bed for days, Abigail. Why don't we have a walk?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Will: I'm sorry we couldn't save your mother. We did everything we could but she was already gone.","Abigail: I know. I saw him kill her. He was loving right up until the second he wasn't. Kept telling me he was sorry, to just hold still. He was gonna make it all go away.","Will: There was plenty wrong with your father, Abigail, but there's nothing wrong with you. You say he was loving. I believe it. That's what you brought out in him.","Abigail: It's not all I brought out in him. I'm gonna be messed up. Aren't I? I'm worried about nightmares.","Hannibal: We'll help you with the nightmares.","Will: There's no such thing as getting used to what you experienced. It bothers me a lot. I worry about nightmares too.","Abigail: So killing somebody, even if you have to do it, it feels that bad?","Will: It's the ugliest thing in the world.","Abigail: I wanna go home.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Freddie: Special Agent Graham. I never formally introduced myself. I'm Freddie Lounds.","Will: Are you trying to salvage this joke from the mouth of madness?","Freddie: Please. Let me apologize for my behavior in there. It was sloppy and misguided - and hurtful.","Hannibal: Miss Lounds. Now is not the time.","Freddie: Look, you and I may have our own reasons for being here, but I also think we both genuinely care about what happens to Abigail Hobbs.","Will: You told her I was insane.","Freddie: I can undo that.","Will: You help Abigail see me as more than her father's killer and I help you with online ad sales?","Freddie: I can undo what I said. I can also make it a lot worse.","Will: Miss Lounds It's not very smart to piss off a guy who thinks about killing people for a living.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jack: \"It isn't very smart to piss off a guy who thinks about killing people for a living.\" You know what else isn't very smart? You were there with him. And you let those words come out of his mouth.","Hannibal: I trust Will to speak for himself.","Jack: Evidently you shouldn't.","Alana: I'm just happy the story wasn't about Abigail Hobbs.","Jack: Well, then it's a victory. (Sighing) So, Abigail Hobbs wants to go home. Let's take her home.","Alana: What Abigail wants and what she needs are different things. Taking her out of a controlled environment would be reckless.","Jack: You said she was practical.","Will: That could just mean she has a dissociative disorder.","Alana: You take her home, she may experience intense emotions, respond aggressively, or re-enact some aspect of the traumatic event without even realizing it.","Jack: Where do you weigh in on this, doctor?","Hannibal: Dr. Bloom is right. But there is a scenario where revisiting the trauma event could help Abigail heal and actually prevent denial.","Jack: Then we have a difference of opinion. Therefore, I am going to choose the opinion that best serves my agenda. I need to know if you're right about the copycat, Will.","Alana: We have no way of knowing what's waiting for her when she goes home.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Freddie: Thanks again for meeting with me. I know this hasn't been easy for you.","Nicholas: Oh yeah? How would you know?","Freddie: I've been writing about Garrettt Jacob Hobbs. I've spoken to the relatives of some of his other victims.","Nicholas: Hobbs is dead. He deserved a lot worse. Him and his whole family.","Freddie: There must be some small comfort knowing that justice was served.","Nicholas: Comfort? My sister was impaled on a severed stag head, cut down the middle. He pulled out her lungs while she was still breathing. There's no comfort in that.","Freddie: I'm sorry. I am. But you have to try not to remember her that way.","Nicholas: What do you want from me?","Freddie: I just thought you should know Abigail Hobbs came out of her coma.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Abigail: This is where my mom died?","Will: Yes.","Abigail: I was sort of expecting a body outline in chalk or tape.","Will: They only do that if you're still alive and taken to the hospital before they finish the crime scene.","Abigail: Goodbye, mom.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Alana: If you ever wanna go, you just have to say so and we'll go.","Abigail: Go where? The hospital? For now? They turned all the pictures around.","Alana: Crime scene cleaners will do that.","Abigail: They did a really good job. Is that where all my blood was?","Will: Yes.","Abigail: You do this a lot? Go places and think about killing?","Will: Too often.","Abigail: So you pretended to be my dad.","Will: And people like your dad.","Abigail: What did it feel like? To be him?","Will: It feels like I'm talking to his shadow suspended on dust.","Abigail: No wonder you have nightmares.","Will: The attacks on you and your mother were different. They were desperate. Your dad knew he was out of time. Somebody told him we were coming.","Abigail: The man on the phone?","Will: It was a blocked call. Did you recognize his voice?","Abigail: I had never heard it before.","Alana: Was there anybody new in your father's life? Someone you met or someone he talked about?","Will: Abigail, he may have been contacted by another killer. A copycat.","Abigail: Someone who's still out there?","Will: Yeah...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Abigail: Can you catch somebody's crazy?","Alana: Folie \u00e0 deux.","Abigail: What?","Alana: It's a French psychiatric term. Madness shared by two.","(Sound of heart beating)","Hannibal: One cannot be delusional if the belief in question is accepted as ordinary by others in that person's culture or subculture. Or family.","Abigail: My dad didn't seem delusional. He was a perfectionist.","Will: Your dad left hardly any evidence.","Abigail: Is that why you let me come home? To find evidence?","Hannibal: It was one of many considerations.","Abigail: Are we gonna re-enact the crime? You be my dad, you be my mom, and you be the man on the phone.","Alana: Abigail, we wanted you to come home to help you leave home behind.","Abigail: You're not gonna find any of those girls, you know?","Will: What makes you say that?","Abigail: He would honor every part of them. He used to make plumbing putty out of elk's bones. Whatever bones are left of those girls are probably holding pipes together.","Hannibal: Where did he make this putty?","Abigail: At the cabin. I can show you tomorrow.","Alana: Abigail, there's someone here.","Marissa: Hey, Abigail.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Marissa: So, uh, does that hurt?","Abigail: Sometimes.","Marissa: Everybody on the block was on the news. And everyone at school. Such whores.","Abigail: Did you talk to the news?","Marissa: No. No! My mom doesn't want me talking to you, much less the news.","Abigail: Since when do you listen to her?","Marissa: Well, clearly I don't. I'm talking to you right now. Everybody thinks you did it, you know?","Abigail: So you think I did it?","Marissa: I don't think you're the type. Then again, I didn't think your father was the murder-suicide type. Although I guess the hunting could have been a clue.","Abigail: Mine or his?","Marissa: Both, now that you mention it. I don't think you did it.","I do.","Marissa: This is private property.","Nicholas: You were the bait, right? That's how it worked? You lure them back to daddy for dinner? How'd you trap my sister? Did you chat her up?","Marissa: Hey! Piss off!","Nicholas: Did you help your old man cut out my sister's lungs while she was still using... (spitting)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Abigail: He said he was somebody's brother.","Marissa's Mom: Marissa! Come home.","Marissa: No!","Marissa's Mom: Come home!","Marissa: Can you stop being such a bitch? See you later.","Abigail: Bye.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Will: He's gone. You've never seen him before?","Abigail: No.","Will: Let's go back to hotel. We will go to the carbin tomorrow.","Hannibal: We should report this, yes?","Will: Yes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Will: I'm sorry, okay? This will all stop.","Abigail: Please.","Will: I'm gonna make it all go away.","(Screaming)","(Alarm beeping)","Abigail: He cleaned everything. He said he was afraid of germs, but I guess he was just afraid of getting caught.","Will: No one else ever came here with your dad except you.","Abigail: He made everything by himself. Glue, butter he sold the pelts on eBay or in town. He'd make pillows. No parts went to waste. Otherwise it was murder. He was feeding them to us. Wasn't he?","Hannibal: It's very likely.","Abigail: Before he cut my throat, he told me he killed those girls so he wouldn't have to kill me.","Alana: You're not responsible for anything your father did, Abigail.","Abigail: If he would've just killed me, none of those other girls would be dead.","Alana: We don't know that. Your father-","[SCENE_BREAK]","Will: I need ERT at the Hobbs cabin.","Alana: Abigail!","(screaming)","Abigail: Marissa!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Will: Do you think she knew the guy down by the stream?","Hannibal: Somebody's brother.","Will: Not somebody. Abigail said he asked if she helped her dad take his sister's lungs while she was alive.","Hannibal: The young woman on the stag head.","Will: Cassie Boyle had a brother, Nicholas. But Garrett Jacob Hobbs didn't kill Cassie Boyle.","Hannibal: I know. Garrett Jacob Hobbs would've honored every part of her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jack: You brought Abigail Hobbs back to Minnesota to find out if she was involved in her father's murders and another girl dies.","Will: Yep, scraped his knuckle on her teeth. There's foreign tissue and what could be trace amounts of blood.","Jack: You said that this copycat was an intelligent psychopath, Will. That there would be no traceable motive, no pattern. He wouldn't kill again this way. You said it.","Will: I may have been wrong about that.","Jack: Yes, because Garrett Jacob Hobbs never struck his victims. Why would the copycat do it?","Hannibal: I think he was provoked. Nicholas Boyle murdered this girl and his own sister.","Jack: With or without Abigail Hobbs?","Will: Without.","Jack: Well, do you think that Abigail Hobbs knew Nicholas or Cassie Boyle?","Will: No.","Jack: You don't think she knew them or don't wanna think that she knew them?","Will: She said she didn't know them.","Jack: (sighs) Dr. Bloom says that Abigail has a penchant for, uh, manipulation. Is she manipulating you, Will?","Hannibal: Agent Crawford.","Jack: Look, he said he was wrong about the copycat killer. I want to know what else he's wrong about.","Will: Whoever killed the girl on the field killed this girl, I'm right about that. He knew exactly how to mount the body. Wound patterns are almost identical to Cassie Boyle. Same design, the same humiliation.","Hannibal: Abigail Hobbs is not a killer. But she could be the target of one.","Jack: I think it's time that Abigail Hobbs left home permanently. Doctor, would you be good enough to collect Abigail and all of her belongings and escort her out of Minnesota, please? Not you, Will. I want you here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Journalists: Abigail! Abigail!","Marissa's Mon: You killed my daughter!","Alana: Abigail! Abigail!","Marissa's Mom: Why come back here? Why did you come back here? Why come back?","Alana: Stay here. Stay here.","(Woman sobbing)","Freddie: Abigail!","Hannibal: Miss Lounds. You're on the wrong side of the police line.","Freddie: I've been covering the Minnesota shrike long before you got involved. I wanna help you tell your story. You need me now more than ever.","Abigail: I wanna talk to her.","Alana: No you don't. Go inside.","Freddie: I'm not the only one lurking about the Hobbs house peeking in windows. You really should monitor those police lines more carefully.","Hannibal: Have you seen a young man, mid-20s, ginger hair? Unwashed.","Freddie: I'll tell you if I saw him if you tell me why it's important.","(Sobbing softly)","Hobbs: None of her is gonna go to waste.","(Whimpering)","Nicholas: I just want you to listen to me. I didn't kill that girl, okay? I didn't kill her! Wait! Listen! I didn't!","Alana: Abigail? Abigail?","Hannibal: She'll be all right. Abigail? Show me what happened.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Abigail: He was gonna kill me.","Hannibal: Was he? This isn't self-defense, Abigail. You butchered him.","Abigail: I didn't.","Hannibal: They will see what you did and they'll see you as an accessory to the crimes of your father.","Abigail: I wasn't.","Hannibal: I can help you, if you ask me to. At great risk to my career and my life. You have a choice. You can tell them you were defending yourself when you gutted this man Or we can hide the body.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Alana: No I don't remember anything. Maybe a blur out of the corner of my eye and and then a big fat cut to black.","Jack: Well, Nicholas Boyle attacked Abigail, you. Struck Dr. Lecter in the back of the head.","Alana: Well, where's Abigail?","Will: Lecter took her back to the hotel.","Jack: She scratched Nicholas Boyle on his way out the back door. The blood on her hands matches the tissue that we pulled from Marissa Schurr's mouth.","Alana: And then what, he he got away?","Jack: We'll catch him one way or another. Where you going?","Will: I wanna go home.","(Creaking sound)","Hannibal: Hello, Abigail.","Abigail: How did you know it was me?","Hannibal: Hospital called. You climbed over the wall. Where else were you to go? Home's no longer an option. Come down from there.","Abigail: I don't want to go to sleep.","Hannibal: You can't anticipate your dreams. Can't block them, can't repress.","Abigail: I didn't honor any part of him so it's just murder, isn't it?","Hannibal: Most would argue self-defense.","Abigail: Then why not tell the truth?","Hannibal: Most would argue. There would still be those who would say you were taking after your father.","Abigail: You're glad I killed him.","Hannibal: What would be the alternative? That he killed you?","Abigail: I didn't know if he was going to.","Hannibal: No, you don't.","Abigail: You're the one who called the house. You talked to my dad before what did you say to him?","Hannibal: A simple conversation, ascertaining if he was home for an interview. Then why not tell the truth?","Abigail: I think you called the house as a serial killer. Just like my dad.","Hannibal: I'm nothing like your dad. I made a mistake. Something easily misconstrued. Not unlike yourself.","Hannibal: I'll keep your secret.","Abigail: And I'll keep yours.","Hannibal: No more climbing walls, Abigail."],"Show Title":"Hannibal","Episode Number":"01x03","Episode Title":"Potage","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Haunted_Case_Files_01x01.json","Recap":["A funeral home's dark past comes back to haunt an investigator. Another team investigates a crumbling mansion and is terrorized by the angry spirit of a scorned wife. And in Ohio, the spirit of a former owner has returned to threaten the new homeowner."],"Transcript":["Narrator: America's top ghost hunters relive their most extreme assignments.","[ woman screams ]","This house is beyond haunted.","Narrator: Hardened veterans of the paranormal, these are the cases that truly tested them. There was a evil presence in that house. Oh [bleep] What the hell? I got goose bumps. Right here.","Narrator: In one small town, a funeral home's dark past comes back to haunt an investigator.","[ breathing heavily ]","Instead of burying the bodies properly, they started burying them in the walls.","Narrator: In an Ohio mansion, a father-daughter team capture startling evidence of a spirit moving a ball across the floor.","Man: Can you roll the ball over here, please? Oh, boy.","Narrator: Also in Ohio, a group of ghost hunters are threatened by a powerful force.","[ woman screams ]","You know, they're stronger than we are.","Narrator: In rural Ohio, outside of the small town of trinway, stands prospect place. Built in 1856 by railroad tycoon and abolitionist George Adams. The 29-room mansion sits on a 14,000-acre estate. Abraham Lincoln is said to have been a guest. The family's fortunes changed after Adams died in 1879, and the mansion was left abandoned some 50 years after being built. When George Adams' great-great-grandson started to restore the home in 2001, the renovations seemed to unleash something terrifying. Constructions workers were terrorized by apparitions, unexplained noises, and overwhelming feelings of dread. They stopped work and fled. There are all sorts of accounts in the mansion, hearing whispering, seeing shadow figures, being touched or poked, scratched.","Narrator: Now the owner wants to start renovating again, but this time, he calls in paranormal investigators first. Father-daughter team Alan and Anna Tolf have been doing battle with the paranormal for five years. Alan is a former police officer, while Anna has degrees in psychology and biomedical science. They cannot wait to put their skills to the test at prospect place.","Alan: It's just a beautiful place, and it had some very dark stories. We really were interested in investigating there. I was excited to get into it. I was very excited to start investigating. I knew something was there, and I wanted to do all I could to try and capture it and learn as much about it as I could.","Narrator: Alan and Anna want to know what they're getting into. They research the history of the house and learn they may be headed into a world of trouble.","Alan: Prior to investigating, we were aware that there had been squatters that had utilized the house for, you know, satanic rituals.","[ eerie whispering ]","The satanic rituals caused a big uproar in the activity in the home.","Narrator: As they start their investigation, Alan and Anna are on high alert.","Alan: Being in there, you feel vulnerable.","[ door creaks ]","Anna: Walking in it, it felt like there was a presence there with us.","[ banging ]","Narrator: It's not long before their suspicions are realized.","[ banging continues ]","Heard what sounded like a baseball bat being smacked against the wall.","[ banging continues ]","And we're alone in the mansion at that point. Hearing that was extremely startling.","[ banging continues ]","Narrator: Cautiously, Alan and Anna head to the source of the banging.","We went directly to the staircase. Could not find anything or anyone.","Narrator: The Tolfs want to capture hard evidence of any further paranormal activity.","Anna: I'm just gonna go a little bit closer. Ended up setting a camera which was just one of our static night-vision cameras, just set at the end of the hall, facing our equipment. Check this out real quick and see. As I'm walking back towards the camera, a large, misty, white, billowy -- It was like a cloudy ball kind of forms in the back, in the darkness. You can see it move out and around. So it kind of avoids the light of the monitor and stays along the wall and goes in back behind it.","Anna: Oh, we just had an orb fly right at you, papa. Did you see the huge orb? Yeah. In the paranormal community, orbs are controversial. An orb being potentially a ball of energy, and we can debunk this as not being dust because of the way this moved.","Narrator: In the face of the intensifying activity, Alan and Anna cautiously head to the ballroom... The site of the reported devil worship.","Alan: There were some dark-type, potentially satanic rituals held in the ballroom. We're entering the ballroom and immediately just feel a heavier feeling. Dad, check this out.","Alan: Oh, boy.","Narrator: They discover signs the devil worshipers had tried to protect themselves from whatever demons they had unleashed.","Alan: There was a cross painted on the wall to try to seal what was opened.","Narrator: For their own safety and peace of mind, the Tolfs decide to check if anything evil still remains.","Alan: We began a spirit box session up in the ballroom. A spirit box is an am\/fm radio that has been modified to sweep through frequencies at variable rates of speed. The concept is that a spirit or ghost, entity of sorts, could grab on to sounds and utilize those to form words.","Anna: It's one of my favorite pieces of equipment to utilize just because you can hear them right then and there. We were hoping to identify what it was that was up there.","Narrator: Alan and Anna don't have to wait long to find out. The atmosphere of the room quickly darkens.","Alan: What is that? Stick your head out. Please?","Narrator: The Tolfs believe an entity is in the room with them. To prove for certain, they devise a test. They place balls on the floor and challenge the spirit to move them.","Alan: Can you roll the ball over here, please?","Anna: Can you kick that ball back?","Alan: Oh, boy.","Narrator: A black ball starts to roll. This means the entity is very powerful. Then the spirit box captures a threatening voice.","Narrator: In a derelict mansion's ballroom, father-daughter team Alan and Anna Tolf are in the presence of a powerful spirit. It's strong enough to move a ball across the floor. And when it speaks, its message is chilling.","Anna: What was that? And the tenor in his voice indicated he was probably an older man.","Narrator: A large, black shadow appears on the ceiling.","Anna: It's following dad.","Alan: It was scary. In my mind, I feared that it could potentially have an impact or hurt Anna or myself.","Narrator: Alan and Anna decide it's time to move on to other areas of the mansion.","Man: Hear you, hear you, now I'm gonna get you. Go over to the left a bit.","Narrator: On the second floor, they set up cameras to try to capture footage of any more entities in the house. Is this a good frame, Anna? Yeah, that looks good right there.","Anna: We ended up setting our command post in the hallway outside of these bedrooms.","Alan: I ended in Anna Adams' room.","Narrator: Anna Adams was the eldest daughter of the mansion's original owner, George Adams.","Alan: We positioned the camera to capture the largest portion of the bedroom, and now I'm just kind of fine-tuning it.","Anna: I was watching the monitor, and... From my perspective, first I hear dad holler, and then I see the camera going down.","[ Alan shouting ]","Dad! He was shaken up, for sure. Obviously, I freak out. I was extremely concerned. I didn't know what was gonna happen. I didn't know what had happened. Two fists push against my chest quickly but enough to knock me backwards into a large closet space. It was a very, uh... violent type push, shove. Aah! It was a very frightening experience. I mean, I'd not been physically handled in that fashion or pushed by anything like that. I did feel like maybe we had bit off a little bit more than we could chew.","[ hissing, shouting ]","Aah! I believe it to be Anna Cox Adams. I believe she was angry. She didn't particularly care for men in her bedroom. I don't think she was happy that I was in there and in there for the time that I was.","[ hissing ]","Aah!","Anna: To be able to force a man with my dad's stature, that would take a significant amount of energy. At that point, I was getting obviously concerned for my dad's safety.","Narrator: After the shock of the attack, Alan and Anna head to what they hope is the sanctuary of the basement. A friendlier spirit is said to be present there.","Alan: There were reports of a child, a little girl, and her name was mary, and she was playing on a balcony. She had fallen from the second floor to her death.","[ girl screams, body thuds ]","Narrator: It was a bitter winter, and the ground was too hard to dig a grave.","So they couldn't bury her, and they actually kept her in the basement.","Alan: A basement is a dark, kind of damp place, but in entering, it didn't feel that way. Almost playful.","Anna: I definitely could feel her presence. I knew a little girl was there. It was soft and gentle and kind, you could tell, innocent.","[ ominous music plays ]","Narrator: Suddenly, the investigators feel the atmosphere turn threatening, as if the little-girl ghost has been shoved aside by something dark and malevolent.","I start feeling, um... just a dark, heavy feeling.","Alan: And then Anna started expressing to me that, \"dad, something just touched my back.\" Ow! What was that? I don't know. Something on my neck.","Anna: I was scratched. I was absolutely terrified. I couldn't see it. If you can't see it, how are you gonna defend yourself? That was my biggest fear.","Narrator: Worse is yet to come. He put the digital camera down to grab his video camera.","Narrator: Alan installed fresh batteries just moments ago, but his camera isn't working. The battery's dead.","Alan: And it was gone. I mean, it sucked it down. It was gone. Whatever it was used energy from my battery. Ow! What's happening? My leg!","Alan: At that point, she's saying, \"dad, dad, it's grabbing my leg.\" Aah!","Narrator: In the basement of an old mansion, Alan and Anna Tolf have run into the friendly spirit of a little girl. Ow! But she is soon overpowered by another, far darker entity that launches an attack on Anna. Ow! What's happening? My leg! You really just feel defenseless and vulnerable.","Narrator: Whatever demonic spirit is down here has sucked all the energy from Alan's camera battery. But Anna's camera still works, and she records a terrifying encounter.","Anna: It's doing it. It's doing it. What? It's doing it. You're gonna [bleep] when you watch this video.","Anna: Thank goodness I got it on camera. You can clearly see the indentation on my leg of the fingers. It got tighter, and it was stronger. It's doing it. It's doing it. What? It's doing it.","Alan: I could see an imprint of a large hand squeezing her calf. Ow! Aah! And you can just see the imprint of four fingers and then coming around a thumb, and it, um... They almost don't look human because they're so long. Just scared to death, honestly, that I didn't know what was gonna happen. Words don't describe what a father feels. I did tell it to get its hands off of her, to get away from her. I was pissed. Look at my leg. I have it on video doing it. Keep videotaping. Swear to god. What? It's doing it. It's doing it. It's doing it. After maybe 15 seconds, I said, \"we need to go.\" I was afraid for her. I was afraid -- That's hard to talk about that. It really is.","Narrator: Reeling from the attack, Alan and Anna feel they've had enough. We ended our session and went outside, said a prayer, and blessed each other with holy water.","Narrator: Although bumped and bruised by the most aggressive spirits they've ever encountered, Alan and Anna believe they have come away with answers.","Anna: By the end of our investigations, we both concluded that the energy in the mansion was overwhelmingly sinister. Anna Adams was a very bitter and angry woman. She didn't enjoy us being there. Aah! Aah!","Narrator: But some questions remain unanswered. I think there's a darker entity, and I don't think it was ever human, based on the evidence that we gathered. I hate to say it was demonic, but it didn't feel human.","Alan: Seeing my daughter being grabbed physically and an imprint, that's something that is imprinted in my brain for the rest of my life.","Narrator: Still to come, a powerful and angry spirit refuses to leave its home. Her anger is at another level in the afterlife, and she's pissed off.","[ woman screams ]","Narrator: But first, a demon tries to frighten off an investigator... and then won't leave her alone.","[ screaming ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Narrator: This house in Bruce County, Ontario, on the shore of Lake Huron, has a colorful past. It has served as a restaurant, a funeral home, and now a private residence. The current homeowner, Susan Johnson, is experiencing eerie events. There are strange moving shadows and rapping sounds from inside the walls.","[ banging ]","When the doors open and close on their own, Susan starts to worry.","[ door opens ]","Desrochers: She was concerned. She was nervous.","I could feel the anxiety in her voice.","Narrator: Susan calls in Michelle Desrochers. A paranormal investigator, Michelle was born into a family of psychics, giving her a special sensitivity to the spirit world. She has investigated dozens of cases. I have been actively researching ghosts and hauntings since 2004. What I've learned about the paranormal is that things are not always what they seem to be.","Narrator: Michelle knows she should never go into a haunting unprepared.","Desrochers: My plan going in was to try to accumulate as much information as I could.","[ music box playing ]","The music box on one of the fireplaces used to go off by itself all the time.","Narrator: Michelle also discovers that, decades ago, the original occupants of the house suffered a terrible tragedy. The story goes that two of the children were pushed down the stairs to their deaths.","[ music stops, children scream ]","It was not uncommon to hear a voice on the stairs saying, \"hurry up. He's coming.\"","hurry up. He's coming.","Hurry up. A little girl's voice. The homeowner would hear all these things all the time. It became part of everyday life.","Narrator: Michelle agrees to investigate the lake house and brings along fellow investigator Patrick Cross. Upon entering the home, I felt a heavy presence. I just felt there was a heavy kind of load or something. I could feel something at the top of the stairs. The sensation of it was just so overwhelming for me that I actually started to feel a pressure in my head, and I knew at that point that this was gonna be a really special place.","Narrator: This house is more special than Michelle can imagine.","[ loud jazz music plays ]","I wasn't in the house five minutes and the whole sound system went on in the house.","Cross: It was actually playing '40s music that was kind of odd.","Desrochers: I watched the homeowner try to turn it off.","Narrator: But the team makes an alarming discovery.","[ retro music continues ]","It's not plugged in.","Narrator: The homeowner had previously unplugged her sound system and TV to avoid just this kind of activity.","[ music stops ]","Cross: Then it just stopped.","Desrochers: Whatever it was wanted to be noticed.","This is like nothing I have ever investigated before.","Narrator: Michelle and Patrick split up. Patrick stays downstairs while Michelle goes to the master bedroom. She hopes to experience the strange knocking sounds that homeowner Susan has reported. I could hear knocking behind my -- my head.","[ knocking ]","Something was already in the room with me.","[ knocking continues ]","All of a sudden, I feel something down by my feet. I look down, the blanket was coming up my legs. Something was pulling the blanket up.","[ breathing heavily ]","This thing was crazy. This house is beyond haunted.","Narrator: Shaken but undeterred, Michelle takes a moment to recover from her encounter before rejoining Patrick and the homeowner.","Desrochers: I come back to the very back part of the house.","Cross: There was a big TV on the floor. And everybody's kind of standing there, like, shocked. Nobody's talking. They're just staring. I saw an image of some man or something coming in from the TV.","Narrator: While investigating a lakeside house, Michelle Desrochers and Patrick Cross experience a level of paranormal activity they've never encountered before. This thing was crazy. This house is beyond haunted.","Narrator: Now they're watching in shock as a terrifying apparition appears. I saw an image of some man or something coming in from the TV.","Narrator: This is not some scary program that happens to be on. There's no power on. It's unplugged. There is no way anything could come through that television. Something started walking from a side profile. You could see kind of, like, horns on the top of his head. You could just see it moving around as if it was trying to get out. And I just felt all the hairs on the back of my neck go up. I just froze.","[ growling ]","We could actually hear an animal sound, like a growling or a low growling.","[ growling ]","It was something that was trying to get at our attention to know it was there. It could be demonic.","[ growling ]","Desrochers: They're scary.","They are there with intent to harm, period.","Narrator: To determine if the entity can be removed, Michelle and Patrick first try to make contact with it. Make yourselves known. I hear something going down the steps but in a hurry -- Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch! I look around, nobody on the stairs. Everybody experienced this whole flurry of wind flying around. It was just wind everywhere started coming through.","[ wind howling, table banging ]","Desrochers: The table started to vibrate and move back and forth.","I felt like I was in a hurricane. It was just totally bizarre. Sounds and voices and growling and just kind of, like, scratching on the table.","[ growling ]","And a growly, gremlin type of voice... [ tapping ] .. and this table's going dun-dun-dun-dun-dun, like this. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.","Cross: All the candles just went out. We're all in the dark. The only thing with enough power to move a large piece of furniture, theoretically, would be a demon, which we already know was there.","Narrator: Michelle and Patrick check the camera that has been taking pictures during the session. The image sends shivers down their spines. There was a being there with small horns, a snout, and white under the eyes. I feel very confident in saying that it is the same demonic creature that we saw in the big-screen TV that day. I was pretty freaked out. I was pretty scared. There was a life-force about this house that I've never experienced before and I've never experienced since.","Narrator: Michelle and Patrick cleanse the house. But the spirits are so strong that the activity soon returns.","Desrochers: The house was eventually sold, and the person who purchased it never set foot in the house, and the house was sold yet again. And from what I hear, still very active.","Narrator: Not even Michelle could escape the demon's attention.","[ phone rings ]","Desrochers: The current homeowner phoned me one day.","She said, \"I have to step outside for just a minute. Would you mind? I'm just gonna put the phone right down here.\" I went, \"okay. Whatever.\"","[ growling ]","Something comes on, growling. It's like it learned how to use the phone. Because all of a sudden, my phone is getting messages. It was growling, hissing. And one of those messages, in a real creepy voice, said, \"you know he looks for you at night.\"","Man: He looks for you at night. I was shocked. That has never happened to me before. I have investigated a lot of places. I've never, ever had something come through the phone at me, something like this. I've done crazy places. This place stands above many of them.","[ growls ]","Narrator: Sometimes a person can be so attached to their home that, even when they die, they still won't move out.","And that can cause all kinds of trouble for whoever moves in next. Halfway between cleveland and toledo sits the small town of Cyde, Ohio. Real-estate agent Mavis Fitzpatrick and her husband are renting a house here while they look for a place to buy. But shortly after moving in, they are confronted by bizarre and disturbing activity. Mavis hears whispers in empty rooms. Objects start to move on their own. Aah! Aah!","Narrator: Then, one night, while Mavis is sleeping... something creeps into her bedroom.","[ woman screams ]","[ Mavis screams ]","[ dog barking ]","Narrator: Real-estate agent Mavis Fitzpatrick and her husband have just moved into a house in Cyde, Ohio. They soon wish they hadn't. A hostile entity is making their lives hell.","[ Mavis screams ]","Terror-stricken, Mavis reaches out to paranormal investigator Karlo Zuzic for help. It was one of the strangest e-mails I've ever received. \"Please, please, please, please, please, please call me. I need help. Please.\" and then she gave me her number.","Narrator: A veteran of hundreds of investigations, Karlo Zuzic is a member of orbs, the Ohio researchers of banded spirits. He knows what it's like to be plagued by ghosts.","Zuzic: From the time I was 8 years old, I knew I was living in a haunted house. Growing up and being tormented in my house, you know, I didn't have anybody to turn to, so I wanted to be that person for others and help them.","Narrator: Karlo agrees to help Mavis and heads to Cyde with his team, including co-investigators Amy Cobb and Chris Page. She was very desperate about having us come out and do an investigation. She just was -- you know, wanted us to come out now. The house was a normal, everyday american home until you realize the terror that's going on behind the walls.","[ doorbell rings ]","Narrator: Wanting to know what he will be going up against, Karlo asks Mavis to tell him every detail of the hauntings.","Zuzic: She gave us a description of all the activity, where it was happening, what she experienced.","And you could see it in her face, the fear. This woman was terrified.","[ woman screams ]","[ Mavis screams ]","Narrator: Mavis describes the woman she sees at night.","Zuzic: She looked very nasty. She was yelling.","I mean, you could see her facial features. She was pointing at her. She had so much anger. This woman was pissed.","Narrator: Karlo and his team begin the investigation. With us coming in, you could feel this energy, this presence that's in there. The hair on your neck, the hair on your arm stands up. You feel the electricity going through you. You get the chills. That's what I was feeling going to this location.","Narrator: Karlo is using a thermal imaging camera which shows images based on temperature rather than visible light. I had just managed to hit record. Thank god I did. I'm looking at the screen, and I see something moving towards the bedroom, and I look up... and I was like, \"Guys, I just saw somebody walk in this bedroom. I just saw it.\" Who's walking in front of us? There's no one. It's just us. I was freaked out, as well. I was looking on his thermal gun, and you could see it looked like a lady, kind of hunched over like this, like she was going inside the doorway. I know I'm not crazy, so I played it back, and sure enough, it looks like an older, hunched-over lady walking into the bedroom. It was just so amazing. At the same time, it was scary.","Narrator: Cautiously, Karlo follows the apparition into the bedroom. But he's in for a big surprise.","Zuzic: We looked in there, and there's nobody in there. That sent the chills right through my body. I was shocked. I know what I saw, and, to me, I saw that old lady that that woman was experiencing.","Narrator: Suddenly, Karlos' K-II meter starts to blink. It measures electromagnetic fields associated with paranormal activity. And as soon as they lit up, we hear this bang. I was like, \"What the hell was that?\"","Cobb: So, we went, took off, and went into the other room to find out what it was. As we entered the room, here it was a battery.","Zuzic: You could tell that something was thrown. I mean, 'cause you hear it hit the wall, and then it hit the ground.","Cobb: And you could see there was an indent in the wall, and it had to have taken a lot of force for her to throw that battery across the room and make the indent in the wall. It was getting mad. It was mad that we're in its room. Now it wants us out, and it's throwing things. To me, this tells me this spirit is very strong. Her anger is at another level in the afterlife, and she's pissed off. She wanted us out.","Narrator: The violent nature of the activity puts everyone on edge. I was in fear for my crew that if we didn't tread lightly and watch how we approached it, how we said things to this spirit that was there, that something could turn ugly, that we actually could get injured. Her energy level's getting stronger and stronger and stronger and more mad.","Narrator: Karlo checks the audio tapes from the time the battery was thrown. What he hears is alarming. You could clearly hear a woman's voice say, \"get out.\" This spirit's warning me to leave. At any moment, this thing could lash out and hurt me.","Narrator: While investigating a haunting in a family home, Karlo Zuzic and his team have run into an angry female spirit. And now she's threatening them from beyond the grave. Karlo suspects the spirit might have once lived in the house. He asks the current tenant, Mavis Fitzpatrick, about the previous occupants. The answer is revealing. It was an older lady. She was a nasty lady.","Cobb: A very mean lady. She was mean to adults, to children. She would throw urine on the kids. We believe that who you are in life is who you are in death. If you're mean and nasty in life, that's how you're gonna be in the afterlife. One day, I guess she was walking on the porch and she fell. She laid there for two days. No help.","Zuzic: The son actually came over to check on her, and they took her to the hospital. She did die a few days later after that. That kind of traumatic experience can leave a lot of energy there. She's lived there for 40-plus years. You know, that was her home. That energy's gonna stay there. You're gonna leave that imprint behind.","Narrator: With their tape recorder running, Karlo tries to contact the old lady's spirit. We're asking questions like, \"Why are you so nasty? What's your issue with this family here? You know, they're a loving family. They just want to make a home. Why are you bothering them?\" Why are you here? During the session, I actually forgot the woman's name, and I was like, \"Bertha or whatever your name is.\" I was blurting out all these names. Bertha... Is that your name? Bertha? Am I right? Can you touch that green light there?","[ indistinct whisper ]","You could hear this old lady's raspy voice correct me, and it says, \"Benita.\" I got the chills. I mean, the chill just ran through my whole body. I'm thinking, \"this woman's actually correcting me.\" This is an intelligent spirit. And the next thing you know, we hear choom choom choom choom, like, this banging sound.","[ banging ]","And I was like, \"what the hell is that?\"","[ banging continues ]","Narrator: Unsure where the sound is coming from, the team heads to the basement.","[ banging continues ]","I just kind of really want to turn around and go out, 'cause it's scary. You don't know how strong this spirit is, what their intentions are.","Narrator: Now the noise seems to be coming from outside.","Zuzic: We ran to the porch area. There's nobody there. So we went back downstairs, and you hear it again. It's almost like her residual energy was still in that location, banging and banging and banging, like, trying to get somebody's attention.","[ banging continues ]","She's still banging, she's still trapped up there, looking for help. [ distorted voice ] help!","Narrator: Worried about the hostility and strength of the spirit, Karlo and his team perform a cleansing. Chris and I would go room to room. We'd do our prayer. I put the holy water on each location, any opening.","[ banging continues ]","My goal is to move the spirit out of this home, you know, to give the family their home back.","Narrator: But the ghost doesn't want to leave. I've personally never seen a spirit this strong. It's almost like trying to push you back as you're trying to go, and it's just like a force. It was, uh -- it was fearful. Definitely fearful.","Zuzic: This spirit didn't care what we were doing. It stood its ground and said, \"Look, I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right where I'm at.\" And that's where you come into a problem with spiritual warfare. You know, they're stronger than we are.","[ banging continues ]","Narrator: The cleanse reduces the spirit's power, but Karlo cannot remove it completely.","Page: When we told them the evidence that we caught, it actually reassured them that, no, they weren't crazy, that what they were witnessing was, you know, truly happening to them.","Zuzic: I felt bad because usually that works, but when you've got a strong presence like you have in that home, we may have to come back.","And, unfortunately, they don't want to wait long enough. They pack their stuff, and they've only lived there two months, and they did end up moving.","Narrator: As far as Karlo is aware, the spirit still lurks in the house. It sits home, and that's where it stands.","[ woman screams ]"],"Show Title":"Haunted Case Files","Episode Number":"01x01","Episode Title":"The Forbidding Funeral Home","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Hawaii_Five-0_10x06.json","Recap":["McGarrett and the team investigate when a deadly hit-and-run involves a driverless car carrying heroin, and what could be a new means for delivering drugs. Also, Tani and Quinn are stuck with a pair of YouTubers who are brought on a ride-along with Five-0."],"Transcript":["PILOT: This is Eagle 3, HPD Air Support. We have eyes on a 10-80 that committed a vehicular homicide, heading Makai on Palolo Avenue.","OFFICER: This is 2-Bravo 727 in pursuit. Suspect's driving erratically and at speeds in excess of (car horn honks) He just blew another stop sign.","(tires squealing, sirens wailing)","PILOT 2: 727, copy.","Please update position.","OFFICER: Suspect now turning eastbound on Kaau Street. Wait. Correction. He's now turning Makai again on Pukelele.","PILOT 1: Air support requesting backup. We're at bingo fuel.","DISPATCHER: This is 153 Central. PIT 'em.","OFFICER: 10-4 on the PIT maneuver, 153.","(tires squealing)","All right, move in. Driver, open the door slowly. Exit with your hands above your head. Get out of the car now. Hands where we can see them. Cover him. Driver, open the door.","(Hawaii Five-O theme song playing)","Gentlemen. Hey. Check it, my dudes, Five-O HQ. It's like the Batcave up in here. Yeah, the Christian Bale Batcave. - Not that goofy old-school one. - Oh, so true.","- STEVE: How you doing, guys? - Wow. I'm Commander Steve McGarrett. Welcome. Oh, very cool, sir. Anything you want to say to the fans of Scooter and the Skeez? Yeah, you can't film in here. - Totes get it. - Our bad. - Commander. - Yes. Your reputation precedes you. You are, like, a legit legend around here. The knowledge we soak up from shadowing you today will for sure level up our recruitment video. Well, I really appreciate that, guys. Thank you very much. Unfortunately, uh, I can't shadow with you guys today. You will be with my colleagues, - Officer Tani Rey - Hello. And Quinn Liu. I think you'll find they're both very knowledgeable, very professional, and very patient, right, guys? - Mm-hmm. Yes.","- SCOOTER: Oh, legit. So, I'm gonna leave you guys. Have a great day. I'll see you later. All right?","(quietly): Okay, well, you're the millennial whisperer. Lead the way. Okay. Scooter and Skeez, the governor hired you to make a recruitment video for the HPD, and apparently we're at your disposal today. So, do you have any questions before we start? - I got one. - Okay. We kind of overslept, haven't gotten our nosh on yet. Do you guys know any good brunch spots around here? Millennial whisperer?","TANI: All right, then, let's go munch on some grindage.","SCOOTER: Sweet.","(indistinct radio transmission)","So, go ahead, make my morning. I'll do my best. Officers surveilling a high-traffic narcotics area in Kalihi spotted a suspicious vehicle. When they tried to pull it over, it took off, blowing through an intersection and killing a pedestrian. Patricia Martin, local teacher. Duke's handling the notification. Is the driver in custody? Yeah, about that. So no one's driving. What is this, the robot apocalypse? Well, actually, autonomous vehicles have a fail-safe in place so they can be controlled remotely. It's called teleoperations. We think that's how this car was being steered. Yeah, I know about it, but that technology is not street legal. So what's the car doing on the road in the first place? Nah, the plates are fake and the VIN's been filed off. And whoever sent it out into the wild was smart enough not to leave any prints on it. Yeah, then I found this in a box on the front seat with 400 bucks inside. Aha. Okay. So you got a remote-controlled car that goes through a high-traffic drug area. Comes out with $400. Can you connect the dots? Yeah, I mean, it looks to me like some tech-savvy drug dealers have found a way to mitigate the risk of their own guys ratting on them. Smart. I get it. Except now someone's dead, and now they're on the hook for a lot more than drug trafficking. Yeah. The question is, who's behind the controls?","(singers vocalizing)","Whoa. Sorry about before, filming inside your office. It's just that we constantly got to feed the beast. The beast? I think they mean YouTube. Our fans' demand for content is insane. You slow down for a second, you get trampled by whoever's coming up behind you. - Sounds stressful.","- SKEEZ: Mad stressful. I barely got eight last night. Insomnia is a silent killer. Look, it may not seem like it, but we take our work seriously. 62% retention among teens with four-second attention spans is straight fire. We may look like a couple of dumb kids Never crossed my mind. But it takes effort to look this effortless. Take this recruitment video for example. Say it sucks. Then we lose eyeballs, which means we lose dollars and then let down your governor. And you maybe you lose the next great young recruit. And maybe the police force suffers. And maybe people get hurt. I mean, I don't want to say we're saving lives out here, but SCOOTER: Yeah. Bet you hadn't thought about it that way before. - Nope. - You are right. We have never thought about it that way.","FLIPPA: Next. Flippa. Hello. We have guests dining with us today. Of course. We heard you guys were on your way over. Cuz already has you all set up. Oh. Oh, wow, look at this. Fresh grindz for our VIPs. Thank you. - Not for you. Scooter and Skeet. - (slurping) - \"Skeez. \" - Yeah, right. Big fan. Longtime follower, brah. Really, Kamekona? How long? Long enough to know they got the beaucoup followers on Instagram. By the way, that reminds me, lunch is on the house today. Awesome. As long as I get a selfie with both of you - to post on my Insta. - Oh, see that? Big man knows what's up. Eyeballs are currency. Which is why we're gonna hit you back with a tagged post of our own. All right. Hit it, Skeez.","- SCOOTER: Crustacean nation! - Looks good.","(phone beeps)","What is it? HPD caught a homicide in Waialua. Steve wants us to assist.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Sweet. Good luck, crime fighters. So, CSU is up to their elbows in this Hot Wheel we sent to 'em. They've been going all through the car, trying to figure out who might have been using it to sell dope, but all they've found so far is cameras, and a bunch of 'em. Most interestingly a dash cam recording the interior.","DANNY: All right, well, that makes sense. Dealer gets to see what's going on without actually having to be there.","GROVER: Right, and speaking of that, the CSU also found a pretty serious radio-controlled transmitter. Oh, that's good news. If we can figure out the control radius, that might help us narrow down where this thing's being operated from. Yeah, well, slow your roll there, Chief, it ain't gonna be that simple. This particular transmitter operates on an ultra- high-frequency radio link. And this thing can be controlled from as far away as 150 miles. So the dealer could be anywhere on the island.","JUNIOR: Yeah. Or Molokai or Kauai. Yeah, basically, this transmitter's a dead end. Well, we'll keep working the car, maybe something will come through. - Hey, you find something? - Yeah. We got a hit on the prints from the bag of cash found in the car.","GROVER: So, who's this handsome fella?","ADAM: Kanoa Anakoni. Arrested last year for drug possession and aggravated assault. You know, I'm thinking this guy may need a refresher course on the rules of his probation.","(panting)","(tires screech)","(car horn honks)","Five-O. Step back. Hey, thanks for helping us out, Auntie. By the way, whatever you're cooking smells great. - (grunts) - Hey. Where am I? I didn't do nothing. Your ribs are broken 'cause you got hit by a car when you ran away from our guys. You remember that? You might not remember that 'cause you hit the back of your head, too. That probably doesn't feel too good right now either.","DANNY: The IV is to help you sober up so you can tell us about the drugs you bought today. No, no, no, I didn't buy no drugs. At 10:16 you sent a text message saying, \"One 8 of C. 920 Piikoi Avenue. \" That's got to be an eight-ball of something delivered to your home address. Right? I'm thinking coke or crystal. - I would think crystal, probably. - Yeah? I mean you know. Anyway, two minutes later, you got a return text that just said \"400. \" Which is the exact amount of money we found in a bag covered with your prints. Now, we traced that number, but it went to a burner. So the good news is you're here with us, and you can tell us, uh, who's behind this operation. I-I don't know. - Oh, yeah? - Honestly, that number's been floating around for a while, and I just started using it. - How does it work? - I don't know. You text it what you want, where you're at. A car pulls up, the window goes down, you show your money to the camera. You put it down, a box opens up, you grab your stash, and that's it. So it's like an app for junkies? It's a good time to be alive. All right, Kanoa, the next call we make's gonna be your parole officer unless you do something for us. What do you need? We need you to order some drugs. Officer Rey, Officer Liu, mahalo for the assist. Yeah, of course. Duke, this is Scooter and Skeez. Oh.","(chuckles)","We've already met. They were shadowing HPD earlier this week, no? Ah, what up, D-Dizzle? Top-shelf collie weed just arrive Victim's name is Marion Polani. 81 years old. Her cleaning lady found her this morning, called 911. Building like this, they must have security cameras. Not inside but a bunch outside, along the perimeter. We're in the process of tracking down someone who can give us access. Make all the farmers sow marijuana No sign of forced entry. Looks like she let the perp in. Means she probably knew the person who killed her. Harsh. Hey. Well, what I can tell you is that our Vic was comfortable enough with her killer to turn her back on them. C. O. D. is blunt force trauma to the crown of the skull, struck from behind. Oh, bro. All of a sudden, K-Dog's shrimp isn't sitting too well. Oh, my God. Scooter and Skeez? - Sup? - Sup? I am a huge fan. Your video on fibromyalgia, like, so informative. Just doing our part to raise awareness for our fi-bros. Oh, what are you guys doing here? Just being schooled on Five-O by Five-O.","(exhales)","They're here in a strictly observational capacity. Have you determined - a T. O. D. yet? - Yes. Uh, around 12:30 a. m. , give or take. That's a little late to be entertaining guests. Normally Skeez and I live by the aphorism \"It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission. \" But your rules were crystal, so asking permish. Would it be Gucci to take a selfie with the Vic in the BG? For research purposes, of course. He's joking. Please tell me he's joking. You absolutely cannot take pictures or videos at a crime scene. Is that clear? - Totally get it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Okay.","SKEEZ: Nothing inappropriate. - Okay.","- Just one follow-up question: I'm on a strict \"schedge\" with my meds, and I just noticed the time. Y-You don't have to ask us permission to take your medication. - Really? - Just take it. - Right here? - Right here. Okay.","(whirring)","Whoa. Your medicine is smoking pakalolo? Really? We're not animals. We strictly vape. And, yes, it's for glaucoma. - You don't have glaucoma.","- Exactly TANI: Put it away. Now.","LUKELA: Building manager just arrived. - (balloon deflating) - He can show us the security footage (sniffs) from last night. Don't ask.","(balloon deflating)","BRENT: All right.","I've logged on to the security system. Everything's backed up on the - central server for the last week. - I can access all the cameras. - What did you want to see? - T. O. D. was approximately 12:30, so let's start at 11:00 and go from there. It's a shame about Marion.","QUINN: Mr. Garis, we think Marion was killed by somebody she knew, which obviously includes all of her neighbors. Do you know if she had issues with any other tenants?","(chuckles): Uh, yeah. She most certainly did. - Who? - All of 'em. Look, I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but Marion was an awful person who made everyone's life a living hell. Bury the lede much, bro? Hey. You are free to observe and take notes, but keep the DVD commentary to a minimum. Nobody watches DVDs.","QUINN: Mr. Garis, you were saying? Look, I can send you all the complaints that I've gotten about her over the years, but you would be swimming in paper. Suffice it to say, there's not a single person in this building that Marion hasn't managed to piss off.","(playing Ping-Pong)","TANI: Hey, guys!","It's not the time for that.","SKEEZ: Our bad. Get over here. Just ignore them. Easier said than done, we realize. So, this is what the security cameras picked up as of 11:00 last night. Okay. Let's roll forward from here and see what we've got.","BRENT: So, it looks like nobody came in or out of the building between 11:30 last night and 6:30 this morning. You know what that means, right? The people who live here don't know how to party?","TANI: Yes, and the killer lives in the building. Well, 2F doesn't seem thrilled to have to stay in all day. Well, until we figure out which resident is the killer, this whole place is on lockdown. Yes. We're all about the lockdown. Got to keep the crime scene tight. It's just like when we're shooting a vid. Got to control the location, keep the randos from wandering into your shot.","TANI: All right. We got 31 suspects to interview. It's gonna be a long lockdown. What if I told you I could streamline this whole process? - Uh-huh? - I used to live in a complex like this, and there's always that one neighbor, the one up in everyone's business. Looks like you just found her.","ROSE: Of course, I tend to keep to myself if I can help it, but Marion was a hard one to ignore. She she made an impression. Um, fr from what we've heard, Marion - wasn't the most endearing person. - She was the devil incarnate, dear. And, worse, a gin rummy cheat. - Savage. - Savage. Was there anyone with an especially bad relationship with Marion? Maybe somebody who wanted her dead? Oh, let's see. There's Liliana and Todd and Kawika. Oh, and that whole debacle with the water feature. You know what? I'll put on some coffee. This may take a while. There's a lot of names. Lou, you good?","GROVER: Yes, sir. As long as that tracker in Kanoa's bag ends up in that drug car, we can follow it to wherever it calls home.","DANNY: Well, it's come to this. Drugs on demand. Y-You know, a lot of street hustlers are gonna be out of a job pretty soon. I mean, there's an app for everything these days. Isn't there? Used to be, if you wanted something, you had to actually get dressed and leave the house, right? Get in a car, drive to a store, talk to a human. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, less humans, better for me. I mean, that's the only reason I use those apps, so I don't have to deal with people. Human-to-human interaction is the whole, that's the point of life, Danny. Why be alive if you're not gonna do that? Since when do you like people? Are you social now? - (engine approaches) - Hey, yo. We got movement. Same make and model as the hit-and-run car. All right, this is it. Our delivery has arrived.","(engine starts)","QUINN: So, based on our visit with Rose, the human rumor mill, we now have 12 suspects to prioritize.","Divide and conquer? Okay, yes. I guess that means we should each take one bro? Backup? Cool. Skeez-Dog and I can totally be your backup. Sure. Let's call it that. Skeez, you're with me. Excellent choice. But you should know that I already have a lady. So we should probably keep this relash strictly profesh. And I instantly regret choosing you. Hello, my name is Dr. Greenthumb You've probably heard, Marion Polani was murdered last night. And you've probably heard that she was a horrible old crone.","EMILY: The woman was a total nightmare. Never a nice word for anyone. Yeah. She did so many horrible things. - Such as? - I have a 1966 Eldorado convertible. Marion sideswiped it in the parking lot. And after I contacted my insurance company to file a claim, she filled my back seat with kitty litter. Used kitty litter. Hello, my name is Dr.","Greenthumb - - MANDY: I'm a massage therapist. And Marion, she hated the foot traffic of my clients coming and going. So because we share this wall, she used to crank the volume of her TV so loud, my clients, they couldn't relax. I've lost most of my business. She called Child Protective Services on me. Said she hadn't seen my third-grader in months, - that I was locking him up. - - Constantly grown - He was at summer camp.","- EMILY: Todd works late most nights. - I'm a bartender. Doing the Lord's work, my man. Right. But every night when Todd would come home, she would call me up, screaming about how he'd woken her up when he came in through the gate. No one else complained. I swear she'd sit up just waiting for me to get back so she had something to raise a stink over. Well, last night, when he came in at What time was it, honey? Around 12:45?","EMILY: Right. Anyway, it was the first time Marion didn't complain, and, I mean, now I get why, of course. 12:45, you say?","TODD: Yeah. Why? Todd, I'm gonna need to speak to you outside, please. What-What's going on? Hold up, homes. So you want to good cop\/bad cop this or what? Officer Liu. This is Todd. Todd just told us that he didn't get home from work last night until 12:45 a. m. Well, that's interesting. Wait, why is that interesting? Because we know for a fact that no one entered the building after 11:30 p. m. , - which means you're busted. - So busted!","TODD: Okay, look, I should've just come out and said it. Every Tuesday I tell Emily I'm working late, but I'm not. Instead of going home, I go to another apartment. - A neighbor's apartment. - Sounds scandalous, dude.","QUINN: What is it that you're doing at your neighbor's apartment, Todd? Please, you can't tell Emily.","TANI: This is where you were last night? Yeah. Playing Dungeons & Dragons. It was a pretty epic campaign. My mage cast an Arcane Hand spell. My friend Reko, who lives here, can back me up. I headed home as soon as we wrapped things up, which was about a quarter to 1:00. Well, that was right around the time that Marion was murdered. Did you happen to notice if anyone was coming or going from any of the apartments? Uh, no. Um, I did hear something.","- TANI: Please don't kill each other. - Noises. Like a weird clanking sound. I didn't really think about it, though. I just wanted to get home. If Emily found out I was here She and Reko sort of had a falling out last month. It got pretty ugly. - I'd rather not go into it. - We'd rather you not go into it either. So Reko confirms Todd's alibi, but that means Emily doesn't have one. It's like whack-a-mole.","(chuckles)","Classic ref, Officer Liu. Also, I got to say, I thought turning bros and broettes onto a career in law enforcement would be a hard sell. I mean, you guys are the ones who bust up our house parties and arrest us for indecent exposure. Hoping that last one is hypothetical. His point is, this job is actually kinda rad. - And, plus, unlike our boy Duke - (phone chimes) you guys get to wear your own threads. Everything okay? Um, no. Noelani just sent me this. Guys, seriously?","(chuckles)","\"We got our hands on the murder weapon. \"#Five-OLife. #MurderAndMayhem. \" What were the rules?","SCOOTER: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys said no photos or videos of the crime scene. That dude's apartment is crime-scene-adjacent at best. So, we good? Oh, it's no imposition at all, dear. You two go deal with your police work. I'll take care of the boys.","SKEEZ: Harsh punishment, dude. Who's up for a game of gin rummy?","TANI: Behave yourselves, bros. Still a fan of Scooter and Skeez? Why don't you just ease back a little bit, so KITT here doesn't make us.","KITT?","It's KITT from Knight Rider. You don't know what Knight Rider is? Of course I know what Knight Rider is. I used to watch it I love Knight Rider. Here we go. Here we go.","(tires screeching)","DANNY: Well, I'd say they made us.","(siren wailing)","- Lou, you seeing this?","- GROVER: Oh, yeah. Yeah, that sure escalated quickly.","STEVE: Yeah, it did. Lou, notify HPD. We're gonna need a roadblock.","GROVER: All right, will do.","DANNY: This car's gonna get someone else killed.","(car horn honking)","Why? Why? I don't want to lose KITT.","DANNY: But KITT is a worse driver than you. Plus, there's a tracker in the car.","STEVE: I know there's a tracker in the car, Danny, but what if we lose the car and the car stops to make another sale and the next customer swipes the bag? Then what? You're a catastrophist. - A catastrophist? - Mm-hmm. Wow, you're really making the most out of that \"word of the day\" calendar, huh? It means that you expect the worst at all times. I know what it means, but you're wrong. I plan for the worst, and there's a difference. Right, and excuse me if I trust my eyes more than a computer chip. - Whoa. - (tires screeching) And they say self-driving cars are safer. Wow. That's great that's great. How are we supposed to get anything off of that car now? Says the catastrophist. Catastrophist How is this a good thing, Danny? I don't know, if we keep this up, they're gonna run out of cars, right? - Yo, HPD recover that car? - Yup. We ain't been able to get anything off it, though. It's weird, but when you take a plunge off a 100-foot cliff, all you end up with is pretty much a self-driving pancake. However, the first car, the one involved in the hit-and-run, well, they got a good look under that hood, and it seems that its operating system is some proprietary software that's owned by a company called Tropovision Technologies. I heard of them. They make drones, right?","GROVER: Yeah, they do, but now they've taken that tech and adapted it to cars you can control remotely. Well, I've heard of corporate diversification, but seems highly unlikely that a fancy tech company like that - would get into delivering drugs. - Right. So what do we think? Somebody stole the software? Yeah, and we have a pretty good idea who. Julia Wahea. Runs R&D at Tropovision. She's some kind of whiz kid, basically invented this software herself. - And what's the company say? - They were unaware of any breach when I called them, but they've since confirmed that an unauthorized download of the code did occur. All right, so-so why do we think it's Julia? Because they used her credentials to log in and download it. That's a good reason. Let's bring her in.","QUINN: Thank you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Anything? Stop me if this sounds familiar. Marion had Mr. and Mrs. Puleha's water turned off because she could hear Mr. Puleha singing in the shower. You? About the same. Marion would steal Mr. Jonathon in 4C's pizza deliveries. I'm starting to think this killer's gonna get off - on just cause.","- SCOOTER: Officer Rey! Officer Liu! Up here! What the hell are you doing up there? - You're supposed to be with Rose. - Totes true, but there's something you got to see up here. L-Like, now.","QUINN: This better be good. Oh, it is, Wonder Women. Okay, let me set the scene. So there we were, shredding some gin rummy with our dawg Rose, sipping on prune juice, when we got to thinking, \"How did our perp slip into our vic's apartment on the DL?\" And then it hit us, the cams spec the ground, but there's no eyes on the roof, so we came up here to investigate, and check it. Exhibit A. Fresh scrapes on the edge, along with some flakes of orange paint. And where, pray tell, did the paint \u00c3 l'orange come from? Behold, Exhibit B.","QUINN: A ladder. An orange ladder and fully extendable, long enough to make a bridge.","TANI: Wow, slamming that thing down from one roof to another would explain the noise that Todd heard when he got back. - Makes sense. - Do you know what this means? Unfortunately. I think this means that our boys just figured out how our killer dodged the cameras. Yeah.","- TANI: Them. - (both grunt) Look, I know what you guys are thinking, but before you start thanking us for cracking this case wide open, let us first thank you. Because it turns out being a cop isn't just about beating up bad guys and driving real fast, it's also about personal growth. You can really learn a lot about yourself. Just like we learned to believe in ourselves and trust our \"insties,\" which, as I mentioned earlier, is totally how we just cracked open this case. Instincts, huh? Is that what it was? Or was it that your stoke levels were getting low, so you came up here to get blazed? But you didn't realize that the door was gonna lock behind you, so as you were trying to figure out how to get down, you noticed the scrape marks, saw the ladder on the other roof, and then you somehow managed to put it together. Is that what you meant by, by \"insties\"? Wow, you're good.","(chuckles)","You just solved the mystery of us solving the mystery.","SCOOTER: Yeah, that's meta crime fighting right there. Just when she was starting to like you. Total bums.","QUINN: All right, despite the circumstances, it still counts. I am actually impressed. What's happening to your face? Are you about to cry? Is he crying? - I'm sorry. - Are you crying? I'm just feeling super emotional right now. Me, too. Come on, my dude. Give it up. Does he expect me to hug him? - Just go for it.","- SCOOTER: That's right. - Bring it in.","- QUINN: Oh. No drug like a hug.","TANI: Wow, yeah, that really warms my heart. Why would I steal code from Tropovision? I work for them. That makes no sense. Sensible or not, your login and password were used to steal that software, Julia.","JUNIOR: You know what I think? I think you're a legit tech genius who came up with this amazing program, except this company's gonna take all your profits.","ADAM: Yeah, meanwhile, your student loans are still sitting there unpaid. So, being the innovator you are, you figured you'd innovate your way into a little side hustle. - Mm-hmm. - You know, we get it. Come on, if I'm such a genius, then why would I be stupid enough - to use my own login? - (lock buzzes)","(clears throat)","Cyber decrypted the I. P. address used to download that stolen code. She's telling the truth, man. It wasn't her. Take a look. Any idea who this is?","JUNIOR: All right, come on, Julia, seems like you've been telling the truth so far. Why start lying now? That's my father. His name's Micah Wahea. 12 years ago, I tried to help him get clean but he was too far gone. He disappeared and I moved on. A few months back, he turns up, clean and sober. Wanting to make up for all the lost years. I said okay. Guess I'm not so smart after all.","GROVER: Hey, Julia that's your father. You love your father. Of course you want to believe him. It's just that, um, sometimes what we want to believe doesn't quite line up with what's true.","ADAM: Julia, if your dad has relapsed, then helping us find him would be the best thing you could do for him. Door. Micah Wahea. Five-O. Clear. No sign of Micah. And by the looks of things, he didn't leave willingly. Yeah, we got a busted-in doorjamb, overturned furniture. And fresh blood. Seems we're not the only ones looking for Julia's father. Hey. So a BOLO's out on Micah. I just spoke to the neighbors, and they said they heard shouting coming from here less than an hour ago, so this just happened. Check this out. At least a dozen photos of his daughter. And I found a schedule for a drug recovery group on his fridge. I mean, he seems like a proud, sober dad to me, not a user taking advantage of his kid. Maybe Julia had it wrong. Well, except he did steal the code for the self-driving cars. Yeah, well, I'm thinking whoever these dealers are, they strong-armed him into it.","(phone ringing)","- Lou, what's up?","- GROVER: Well, Julia has hacked directly into the CPU of one of the drug cars, thanks to some short cuts. Guess it helps when you write the code. Listen, man, these drug dealers got a warehouse full of these puppies. GPS gave us the location, and Steve's on his way. Okay, send us the address, we'll meet them there. Will do, hang on.","(doors bang open)","(grunting)","I'm in. Oh, my God. They have my dad.","AKAMU: Cops are on to us now, so I'm only going to ask you once. Who did you talk to?","(grunting)","- We have to do something. - Be right back.","(Micah grunts)","Steve, they got her old man in there, man, and they've been working him over pretty good. You got to hurry.","(grunting)","AKAMU: Don't want to talk, huh?","No, no. - (cocks gun) - Okay. You know what that means.","- MICAH: Please, no. - (engine starts) No.","- AKAMU: What the hell? - (tires screeching)","MAN: Who's controlling it?","MAN 2: Disable the damn thing!","(bullets hitting car)","MAN 2: We got to shoot out the motor!","(screams)","(grunting)","MAN 1: I think we got it.","JULIA: The car's dead.","MAN 1: Careful, it could start up again.","(shouts)","(groaning)","Hey, buddy, you okay? Mm-hmm.","JUNIOR: Clear. Well done. Well done, kiddo. Well done. This is ridiculous. I wasn't even on the roof last night. You were careful, I'll give you that. CSU did not find any prints on the ladder. That's because I didn't use any ladder. So what am I doing here? Are you familiar with how Wi-Fi works, Mr. Garis? - Of course. - Good. Okay. So you know that every network has a very specific digital signature. Which means that it's possible for us to figure out who logs on at any given time. Do you see where I'm going with this? At 12:03 a. m. last night, your cell phone connected to the Wi-Fi of the building next door, which your company also manages. Then, around 15 minutes later, it connected to the Wi-Fi of Marion's building. At 12:48 a. m. , that same sequence of connect and disconnect happens again, only this time in reverse. See, that seems like enough time for you to shuttle back and forth across your ladder bridge, with a quick pit stop to kill Marion. I want a lawyer. That's smart. And they're probably gonna tell you that our Wi-Fi evidence is circumstantial, and they'll be right.","But here's your problem: we have you on motive, too. Mmm. We went through Marion's e-mail. We know that she accused you of embezzling money from the building. You know, when you billed the owner for repair work that you never performed. Yeah, she's a crazy old lady who accused a lot of people - of things they didn't do. - Except in this case, she was right. We went through your financials, Brent. There seem to be several large deposits that coincide with work that you billed your boss for but never completed. You know, it's really a shame you can't keep that money. Could've used it for the lawyer.","SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, two legends of law enforcement, T-Bone and Q-Money!","(air horn sound effect)","SKEEZ: We watched you at work.","You guys are like artists. You totes nailed that douche-nozzle. Yeah, we, like, totes harshed his mellow - until he was, uh, mellow-less. - Stop talking. And, lest you forget, none of this would've been possible - without us. - Really? Because the way that I recall it, the only contributions you guys made was disobeying orders, getting high, and (sighs) We could not have done this without you. You know, I wasn't kidding about what I said earlier. This whole experience has been mad inspiring. In fact, if my career as a social media influencer extraordinaire craps out, yeah, I may just give law enforcement a try. No. No. Listen. As much as we would love to have you, um, you-you have a gift. Yes. Yes. And you guys contribute a, a tiny amount - of joy to people - So small. Every day. And-and who are we to deny the world that? Mm-mm. Mm-mm. So true. I guess we all serve in our own way. Plus, there's the drug testing. - Right.","- SKEEZ: Hey. Before we go, would you guys do us the honor of a selfie? - Oh. no. - Of course. We really appreciate that. \"Solved\" on three. One, two, three.","ALL: Solved.","(indistinct chatter)","Dad. So, uh, how's dear old Dad? He's gonna be fine.","GROVER: Did he say how he happened to get - mixed up in all of this? - Yeah, he did. Uh, Micah came out here about six months ago. Wanted to reconnect with Julia, and he made the mistake of bragging to some of his old buddies about what a success his daughter had become. And being the unscrupulous drug dealers that they are, they saw an opportunity. Yeah, they told Micah he had to get in there and steal that tech, or they were gonna force his daughter to give it to 'em.","ADAM: He decided to keep her out of it, and here we are.","(both crying)","- (elevator bell dings) - Wow, that is awful and also kind of hilarious but mostly awful. Yeah, I'll we'll see what we can do about it. - Okay. Bye. - Awful and hilarious is my jam. Dish. That was Kamekona. Apparently, Scooter and Skeez tagged the wrong shrimp truck on their Instagram post. - (chuckling) - So their main competitor is getting all the hype. Oh, what else did you expect from the brain trust? Yeah, they want one of us to call them and make it right. - Oh, no, that's all you. - Really? - Yeah. - Are you kidding? I saw the way you hugged Skeez. I mean, you guys are practically dating. But (stammering)","(others chatting indistinctly)","- Oh, hey, guys. - Oh, hey. What's up?","STEVE: What's up? This isn't strange. Why, why are they staring at us? Reigns, what are you looking at on your phone? What are you all laughing at? Guys, she said Reigns. She only says Reigns when she's really angry. Should I be? You might be when you see what we're looking at. The recruitment video.","GROVER: Oh, you damn right it's the recruitment video, and it is a masterpiece. - All right, let's see it.","- JUNIOR: Let's go.","GROVER: Hell yeah.","- TANI: It's that good? - Okay. As officers of the Honolulu Police Department, we get to help people every day and effect positive change in our community. Plus the pay and benefits is pretty rad. So if that sounds baller to you, head over to JoinHonoluluPD. org to see how you can become one of Honolulu's finest. Actually, this is not as terrible as I thought it was gonna be. It's fine. Now let's get this scumbag off the street before he exposes himself to any more nuns. Wait, here comes the best part. Here you go, Officers. Five-O can take it from here.","QUINN: Wait a minute, is that supposed to be us? Thanks, Scooter and Skeez. We couldn't have solved this case without you. What the hell? I-I did, I did not flirt like that.","STEVE: Hold on, hold on, this could be a good thing. What if we get an influx of millennials who want to join the force?","ADAM: Oh, yeah, an army of Scooters and Skeezes patrolling the streets, keeping the Island safe. God help us all."],"Show Title":"Hawaii Five-0","Episode Number":"10x06","Episode Title":"A\u2018ohe pau ka \u2018ike i ka halau ho\u2018okahi (All knowledge is not learned in just one school)","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Heartland_06x03.json","Recap":["Tim hopes for a big commission when he helps a wealthy weekend cowboy look for his dream ranch, while Amy's stuck teaching the client's trophy wife how to ride. Lisa is back but Georgie keeps interrupting Jack and Lisa's time together. Mallory comes home. There's a new vet student at the clinic named Cassandra Fay."],"Transcript":["Amy: Previously on \"Heartland\":","Ty: You going somewhere?","Matter of fact, I am. Paris. There's someone there I wanna see.","Tim: Okay, I have some news. My son, Shane, has been accepted into a private school for the gifted. I can stay here? Well, that's the thing. You can stay here for the time being. I signed a bunch of papers this afternoon that made that happen. Why don't we get married? I mean, really, why not? What if we just wait? I mean, it won't change the way we feel if we wait.","(Cows moo loudly)","Tim: Yeah! Come on, cow!","Come on!","(Whistles)","Jack: Watch the edges there!","Tim: Oh, come on, give me a break!","Jack: Then get your head out of the grass!","What is with you this morning?","Tim: Nothin'. Miranda called last night. She wants to come for a visit with Shane next week.","Jack: That's a good thing, isn't it?","Tim: Yeah, it would be, except I know she wants to talk about tuition. Now wait a minute. You wouldn't shut up about how that school was the best thing for his future. She's gonna sell her car to pay her share, Jack. Right, so it's her share you're concerned about.","Tim: I am. I just don't know how I'm gonna pay mine.","Jack: (Chuckles)","(Engine sputters)","Ty: Ah, damn it.","Thank you. I owe you big time. Oh, I'm sure I can think of a way It's not that big a deal. It's my job, Amy. No, I don't mean that. Scott knows what it's like to study for finals. And hold down a job at the same time? You sure everything else is all right? Yeah, everything's fine. It's just I am... Very late. Thank you. You're welcome. I'll give you a call later. See you. Okay.","(Truck starts up)","Ty: Perfect! Thank you.","Tim: Come on, come on.","(Whistles)","(Cows moo loudly, car horn honks)","Whoa! Whoa!","(Car horn honks)","Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!","(Cow hooves rumble)","(Car horn honks, tires crunch)","Whoa.","Jack: What is going on here? Sorry, guys, looks like I spooked 'em a little.","Jack: Well, a car horn tends to do that.","Tim: What do you think you're doin' tearin' the grass up like that?!","Lou said you guys would be out here.","Tim: Lou?","My daughter, Lou? How do you know her? I'm staying in one of her cabins. I thought I'd come see a couple of real cowboys in action. Well, this isn't some kind of Western safari, y'know. Trucks kill the grass; That's why we use horses. Right. Sorry. Name's Lanny Barrick, by the way. With any luck, we just might be neighbours.","Tim: Can you believe that guy?","Jack: Neighbours?","\u266a And at the break of day \u266a \u266a you sank into your dreams, \u266a \u266a you dreamer. \u266a \u266a Oh, oh, oh... \u266a \u266a You dreamer, \u266a \u266a you dreamer. \u266a","Lisa: Hiya, stranger.","Jack: Lisa!","Lisa: (Giggles)","Jack: Oh my gosh!","Lisa: (Giggles)","I thought I was pickin' you up at the airport this afternoon. I caught an earlier flight 'cause I couldn't wait to see ya. Me too.","Tim: Agh! Mon dieu! This isn't Paris, you two.","Tim and Lisa: (Laugh)","Lisa: Hi, Lou! Lou: Hi, Lisa.","Hey, Dad.","Tim: Hi, honey. Hey, by the way, thanks for sending that yahoo out in the monster truck to see us.","Lou: What? Who? Lanny Barrick?","Lisa: Lanny Barrick? That's an old friend of mine. I met him back when he was starting his little oil company.","Lou: Well, I might have mentioned that you guys were out there moving some cattle.","He's obsessed with becoming a weekend cowboy.","He lives in Calgary, but he's out here doing some ranch shopping. An expensive hobby.","Lisa: Well, he doesn't have to worry; He's loaded.","How loaded?","Lisa: His \"little\" oil company is now one of the top ten producers in all of Alberta. Really. Well, I gotta go. Good to see you, Lisa. You too.","Tim: Hey, kid. Georgie: Hey. Hey, why aren't you in school? You told me to finish my chores first.","Jack: That was before school and you knew what I meant.","Come on, I'll take you in. Well, I have to change my clothes.","Jack: There's no time for that. Get in the truck now. Lise, I'm sorry. I won't be too long. I won't be too long. Just...","Lisa: Uh... Hey. Who is that? Hi. That's Georgie. What? Grampa hasn't told you? No, he told me nothing.","(Truck rumbles)","Lanny: You come to yell at me some more?","(Chuckles) No, no, not at all.","Sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I wanted to introduce myself properly. Tim Fleming. Welcome to Hudson. Thank you. My daughter, Lou, was telling me you might be looking for a ranch around here. Uh, I don't know, I'm having second thoughts. I saw a place today with some rotten little shack they were passing off as a ranch house. I don't know what my realtor was thinking. I've been livin' round here for most of my life. Let me tell ya, there's some nice places. Well, maybe that's what I need - a guy like you. A guy like me? Yeah, a cowboy, a guy's who's worked the land, knows the cattle business. You could help me find my dream ranch. Yeah, I could give you my professional opinion. I could fire my realtor- Well, I wouldn't- Maybe I'd pay you a finder's fee. Let's say 3 percent of the purchase price? That's generous. Well, it's my pleasure. Of course, if you're uncomforatable with 3, I could knock it down to 2.","No, no, I'm comfortable. I'm good, I'm good with- that's fine.","(Chuckles)","Sounds great.","(Chuckles)","Lanny: Hey, Paige. This is Mr. Fleming.","He's gonna find us our dream ranch.","Oh, hello. Hello.","Yeah, I'm gonna try.","Say, we're having a dinner up at the house tonight. It's a welcome home party for Lisa. You and your daughter would be welcome as our guests.","Daughter?","(Chuckles)","Mr. Fleming... Paige is my wife.","(Embarrased chuckle)","(Chuckles)","Hey, what's up?","Amy: Hey, um, I know I just saw you, but I totally forgot I need some West Nile vaccine. Oh, I can grab that for ya. Right here. There you go. Awesome! Thank you. You're welcome. Ty, um... I know you said it is, and I hate to keep asking, but... Is everything really okay? It's fine. But I actually wish you'd quit asking me that. I think it'd be a whole lot better if we could just... Go back to being normal with each other. Okay, I'm sorry. It's okay. Thank you for this. Sorry about that. That girl... Mm-hmm, Georgie. Yeah. Yeah, Lou told me all about her. Why didn't you? Well... It's a complicated situation and I didn't really wanna get into it over the phone. Jack, you're raising a foster child? Well, I suppose I am. It's only temporary until they can find her a proper home. I wanna hear all about you and the rest of your trip. Well, I wanna tell you, but you know what? At this point, I gotta go. I have so much to get caught up on and I- But you just got here! No! You just got here! I've been here all morning waiting for you. But I will see you at dinner and I'll tell you everything. Okay. Okay.","Scott: Hey, thanks for hustling out the BVD vaccine.","Ty: Yeah, no problem. There we go.","(Sighs)","Whoa! Hold on a second! What's wrong? Uh... I brought the wrong one. I gotta go back to the clinic. You brought the live vaccine? You know what would've happened if I would've injected this into a pregnant cow? Yeah, I know. Look... I know you're stressed out, I get that, but I really need you to be on top of your game. I'm sorry, Scott. It won't happen again. I promise.","Lanny: This is delicious, Lou.","Lou: Oh, thank you.","Paige: These biscuits are so fluffy!","Lou: Cake flour and shortening is the secret.","Tim: I thought you might enjoy a good ol' fashioned country meal.","Jack: So you're lookin' for a cattle ranch, Lanny?","Lanny: Yeah. Just a little place to help us get outta the city on the weekend. Tim's gonna help us find it. Really.","Paige: We're thinking a log house with an open beam concept, a rundle rock fireplace, a deck with a mountain view, and... oh, a pool pavilion would be amazing. Wow! You sound just like the women on those TV shows.","Paige: I have to admit,","I'm kind of addicted to the Home Design Channel. I mean, \"The Real Housewives of-","Lou: Georgie, did you have a biscuit?","Lanny: Lou, we really love that dude ranch of yours. Thank you. Actually, Lisa and I are partners on it. Well, you pretty much run that place on your own, at this point, while holding down a job as a financial adivsor, I might add. Where at?","Lou: Hubbard Financial.","(Door opens)","You and I should talk. Absolutely! In fact-","Ty: Sorry I'm late. I was studying.","Hey. Hi. So what are you studying to be? Uh, a vet.","Lanny: Oh, good career.","And you, Amy, are you in university? No, I, um... I work with horses. You hear that Paige? Another horse-crazy gal. Do you ride too? Well, I- Hell, yeah. She's a cowgirl through and through. She was riding before she could walk. The first thing we're gonna do when we find ourselves this dream ranch, is get you a horse, a real beauty. Yeah? You know, I might just have the horse for you. You free tomorrow, Amy? Yeah, I could be. Good. We'll do a little show-and-tell.","Lanny: That sounds good.","What's this horse's name? Lightning Dexter. I like him already.","Tim: He used to be a champion race horse.","Lanny: Really? Won me a lot of money. After I retired him, I had Amy re-train him as a hunter jumper. Wow. He's gorgeous. But I'm not really planning to jump. Great trail horse too. Why don't you take it for a spin? I'd love to, but I didn't bring any of my gear.","Lanny: So how much you want for him?","Tim: Oh... I don't know. At least forty. Since I'm already throwing some business your way, why not knock it down to 25?","(Sighs)","I don't know if I could take that hit. Say thirty, you got a deal.","All right. Deal.","(Surprised gasp)","Paige: Lanny, I just need a trail horse. It's only the best for you, honey.","Paige: (Chuckles)","(Tires screech)","(Tires squeal)","Who are you and what are you doing on my horse?","Jack: That does sound like a lot of money for that horse.","Amy: Mallory, hi! Welcome home!","Jack: We didn't expect you for a couple of weeks.","Mallory, oh! So Nashville's not all your dad thought it was, huh? No, it wasn't. His new label jerked him around a lot so he dumped them. Now he's building a studio in our garage.","(Chuckles)","Now explain, why is some strange girl riding Copper? Oh, that's Georgie. I said she could take him out this morning before school, but that was well over an hour ago. Who the heck is Georgie? You just saw her now? Where is she?! She was going up the driveway. That girl! Hello? Who is Georgie? What is going on here? Okay, I will fill you in later, but right now I have to deal with a woman who paid a lot of money for a horse. Wow, you look like hell. You up studying all night? Yeah, pretty much. Well, I'm heading off to the polo club. I need you to take care of a couple of things around here. There's an Australian Shepherd that needs its nails clipped, and there's a horse in the isolation stall that needs its IV changed.","(Sleepily) No problem.","Scott: Just call me if you need anything.","Okay. Oh, yeah, there will be a woman coming by to pick up her dog's ashes. Old Buster, he finally bought the farm.","Ty: (Yawning) Okay.","See you later.","(Yawns loudly)","(Rain patters down, kids chatter)","Jack: Okay, get a move on. I'm already late to see Lisa.","Again. Something wrong?","You're not having trouble in class are ya?","You know, I didn't exactly love school when I was your age either, especially the math. I could never wrap my head around geometry. I'm not having troubles in class. Then what then? Your teacher? She's all right.","Jack: The other kids?","They're okay, except for Kyle Suffield. Why? Is he pickin' on you or somethin'? Hey, hey. I have to go. What's going on with this Kyle kid? Nothing! You're the one that mentioned him. Is he some kind of bully or somethin', 'cause if that's what's goin' on here- Okay! He says I dress like a boy. That's all! I can deal with it, all right?","(Birds chirp)","Amy: Okay, now just use your reins to keep him straight, collect up on him a bit.","Paige: I know how to ride a horse! What's wrong with him?","Amy: He just has a bit of that race track mentality.","Just keep your legs off him and your hands still.","Whoa! What do you mean?! Easy, Paige!","Paige: Help me! Agh!","Amy: Easy, just circle up!","Paige: Help!","Amy: Paige, pull on your reins!","Paige: What?!","Amy: Pull it!","Paige: Whoa! Whoa! Oh my God!","Amy: It's okay. Whoa.","Paige: Get me off this horse! Please!","Amy: It's okay, it's okay. Take it easy, Dexter.","Paige: (Gasps)","He's still not back yet? Nope. I'm sure he has a very good reason. Oh, I'm sure he does. So, Lisa, um, that Lanny guy last night, was he just blowing smoke or what? No, that's Lanny. I think when it comes to his business, or a ranch, or even a buying a horse for his wife, he's gonna make damn sure he has the best of what's going. Mmm-hmm. 'Cause at one point he said we should talk. I caught that. That's kind of exciting. I would love to look at his portfolio.","You would.","(Chuckles)","But let me give you a little bit of advice about dealing with him. He kind of flies by the seat of his pants. So make sure you're the one that follows up.","Right. Thanks.","(Door opens)","Oh, look.","Jack: (Sighs heavily)","Lou: (Clears throat) It was you that asked me to come here and meet you for coffee, right? Yeah, yeah, I, uh... Oh, the time kinda got away on me a bit there. Let me guess... Yeah, Georgie. I was just gonna drop her off and then scoot right home, but, well, then she told me about this kid that's been teasin' her pretty hard, and it turns out that's the reason that she's been avoiding school, so I had a bit of a chat with her teacher about it and... I wanna hear all about it, but now I have to go to an appointment.","(Chuckles)","I understand.","(Laughs) You understand?","I'm the one that's been sitting here for an hour waiting for you! I know you have and I'm sorry, but I will make it up to you, I promise. Oh? I can't wait to find out how you do that.","(Chuckles)","Mrs. Roche: Hello!","Hello? Hi there. Sorry, no one was at the front desk. I'm here to pick up Sparky. Right. Scott told me you would be by. I'll go get him for you now. Okay.","What, what's this?","(Confused chuckle)","It's Sparky's ashes. I'm sorry for your loss.","Mrs. Roche: (Shrieks) Oh my God! Oh my God!","Scott: What's going on here? I just gave her Sparky's ashes. She's in shock.","Scott: Ty... I'm sorry, Ms. Roche. Sparky is the Shepherd who needed to get his nails trimmed. There's been a misunderstanding and Sparky's just fine. I am so sorry. This is my fault. I mixed up the names. He's fine. I'll go grab him now.","He's okay.","You okay? I can't believe you let me get on that crazy horse! Excuse me? He's un-ridable! There is nothing wrong with Dexter, but he does need an experienced rider, which is what you told me you were. It's been a while, but I am an experienced- Oh, come on, Paige. I could see as soon as you got on that you were green. So first, you almost kill me and now you're insulting my riding skills? I do this for a living, Paige. If you really are serious about buying a horse, maybe I can give you some riding lessons, if you want to learn. Yeah, yes. But it's not gonna be on Dexter. It's gonna be on a horse that matches your ability.","(Sighs)","Okay, but please don't tell Lanny we're switching horses. He's gonna find out eventually. Not yet. Just let me deal with that. Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Knocking)","(Door opens)","Lou: Oh, hi.","I was just on my way home from work and thought you might use some extra towels. Actually, we have plenty, but thank you. Oh, okay. I'll be getting home then. I have some more work to do before dinner. Oh. At Hubbard Financial, it's never just an eight-hour day. We're always working hard to make our client's money work hard for them. You know what I mean? Yes, I do know what you mean. Something told me this was about more than clean towels. Yes, it is, and I apologize. I'm overstepping my bounds. Don't you apologize. It was me who suggested that we talk. The truth is I'm frustrated. My advisors have been giving me dinky returns on my investments. Well, maybe there's something we can do to change that. I mean, I would be happy to look at your portfolio. Well, a second set of eyes never hurt. All right, I'll send you over my financials. Great.","Ty: Somehow I mixed up the files and the names!","(Laughing) No, no, no!","Ty: It's not funny, Amy! You should have seen the look on her face! She was horrified!","Both: (Laughing) This is really not funny! Come on!","Amy: (Laughs hysterically) Aw, it was horrible! I could lose my job over this. You're not gonna lose your job, okay? It was an honest mistake. You'll go into work tomorrow and everything will be back to normal. I hope so. It will be, okay? I really hope so.","Both: (Laughing hysterically)","Ty: (Groans)","Amy: (Continues laughing)","Ty: Uh, hi. Hi there. Can I help you? Uh, I work here. Who are you? Cassandra Fay. Cassandra, um, I'm Ty. What are you, uh, what're you doing back here exactly? Oh, I'm Scott's new vet assistant.","Tim: Hey, , how'd the ride go with Paige yesterday?","She love Dexter or what?","Uh, actually, she-","(Car horn blasts)","Tim: Geez, I wish he'd stop doin' that.","(Dog barks loudly)","Hey, you don't have to lay on the horn every time.","Lanny: I got your cheque.","Tim: Of course it does get my attention.","Lanny: For Dexter. Thank you. I tell ya, I can't wait to see you get on that horse. You're gonna look like the queen of the rodeo.","(Giggles)","But we gotta get a move on. So you got any decent ranches lined up for us today?","Tim: Yeah. Got a couple of beauties.","Lanny: That's what you said yesrterday.","Tim: Wish us luck.","Amy: Good luck.","You haven't told him about Dexter have you? I told you, I'll deal with it later. Okay.","Amy: All right, you look good. Okay, I want you to keep your shoulders, your hips and your heels all in line. Okay.","Amy: You don't have to be scared, okay? Klondike is a real sweetheart. I just took him on.","Okay.","(Chuckles)","Amy: I promise.","I want you to put some pressure in your stirrups, and when you're ready you just squeeze him forward.","Paige: Okay. (Clicks teeth) Whoa! What's he doing? Where's he going?!","Amy: It's okay. Just drop your hands, drop your hands.","Paige: Ah! Okay.","Amy: All right, you're just giving him the wrong signal.","So, why don't we try something else? Okay, I want you to grab tight onto your horn.","Paige: Okay, I don't know much about horses, but I do know that's a dead giveaway that somebody can't ride.","Amy: Okay, well, these things, they do take time.","Paige: But I don't have time. Lanny wants to see me ride, so can we step up the training?","Amy: (Cell phone rings) Okay.","(Phone beeps on) Just give me two minutes.","(Sighs) Hey, Ty.","Whoa! Slow down, slow down. You were fired?","Jack: Hey, look who's here. Hi! Hi!","Lisa: How are you? Mallory: Good.","Lisa: Wow! You look great!","Mallory: Oh, thanks! It smells good in here. Did Lou cook muffins? No, I baked croissants.","Jack: Lisa's spoilin' me with a picnic lunch today. We are going to eat all our favourite foods from our time in France. Wow! Look at you all cultured.","(Telephone rings)","Lisa: I'm kind of proud of them. Look at them.","Hello? Yes, it is. Oh boy. I certainly will. Thank you.","(Phone beeps off)","Let me guess: Georgie.","Yeah, she got into a dust up at recess there and now she's been suspended. Lise... I, uh... I have to go. This is getting ridiculous. Who is Georgie? This really is getting ridiculous. No, seriously, who is Georgie?","Amy: I still think we're going a little fast. I mean, wouldn't it just be easier for you to tell Lanny? No. You don't know him like I do.","I've been with him for 3 years, i've worked with him for 5.","You work for him? Yeah, that's how we met. I'm his VP of marketing.","Oh, sorry, I just- I didn't think-","Yeah, most people don't. They assume I'm just some gold-digging trophy wife. Let's just get on with this... lesson, okay? Okay. Pretty simple - I just want you to go to the right of this pole and weave your way right to the end, okay? Okay.","Amy: You can just go at a walk, a trot, whatever you feel.","Paige: (Clicks teeth)","Amy: That's good! Look where you want to go, pick him up a little bit.","Oh, not that much!","Paige: Whoa! Whoa!","Amy: Easy, easy, just say whoa!","Paige: Oh my God! (Shouts)","Amy: It's okay.","Paige: That's it! I can't do this! Okay, just stay calm, okay?","Paige: Please, I just wanna get down!","Lou: Hey, look who's here!","Auntie Mallory's back! Yay! Whoa! What's with you? Nothing! Just no one cares that I'm back.","Lou: I do. Hello? Why do you think I texted you? Really? I thought it's 'cause you needed a babysitter. What?! No! That is not... The only reason. I knew it.","(Sighs)","Please, Mallory, just for an hour, okay? I've gotta look at this guy's portfolio. He's a heavy hitter and I could really use the business.","Fine! Under one condition: Just tell me what's up with this Georgie kid. Yes, absolutely. I am gonna tell you everything later, okay?","Thanks, Mallory! I really appreciate this.","Okay, bye-bye, Kitty cat.","Katie: (Giggles)","Mallory: Hey, I did miss my Kitty cat. Did you miss your Auntie Mallory?","(Light knock)","Hey, Scott, how's it going? Can't complain. I heard you ran into a few snags moving into the Hanley's.","Lou: Oh, yeah, you know, nothing a bunch of money, inconvenience, and hassle won't fix.","Scott: Hey, I was looking for you. I was just wondering how those new horses from the McSlade ranch were doing. Really. Um... is this a bad time?","Amy: Well, it's kind of awkward. What do you mean? You just fired my boyfriend. You fired Ty?","(Shocked) This is news to me.","Really? Ty thinks you let him go. What's up with that guy lately? Well, he's, you know, he's stressed about exams and studying and...","You should probably let him know he still has his job.","Actually, Scott, I think I know what's weighing on Ty's mind. He proposed to Amy and he didn't exactly get the response he was looking for.","Mallory: Jake! I was surprised to hear from you. Yeah, I just got back. No phones in Nashville? Look, I'm sorry. You don't owe me an explanation. Jake, don't be like that. I'm back and it's for good now. I'm happy for you. Look... I've got a ton of homework to do, so... I'll see later.","Lisa: Hello?","Jack: Hi!","I'm sorry for leaving you.","Lisa: Again.","Jack: I know. I just need to get this situation under control. What if you can't do that? What do you mean \"can't\"? Well, I mean... What if it's too much for you? You know, raising an 11-year-old, that's a lot of work. For someone my age? No, Jack, it's more about where you are in your life! You raised a child. You practically raised your grandchildren! I mean, why are you always the one that has to jump to the rescue? Haven't you cleaned up enough people's messes at this point? Oh, so what, I should just turn my back on her?","Georgie: Sorry to cause such a mess.","Jack: That's not what Lisa meant. She just wants me to think through what's best for all of us. You mean what's best for her. Okay. I'm gonna leave this to you, okay?","Jack: I'm sorry.","Lisa: Mmm-hmm. You call me sometime. That is not fair. She's put up with a lot since she got back, and you know what? Maybe she's right. Maybe I am too old to take care of a girl like you. A girl like me? That's right; A girl that skips school and gets suspended for fighting. Well, that's your fault. I beg your pardon?! You told my teacher what was going on! I was gonna tell her myself. You made me look like a total wimp! So what, you had to go punch out Kyle Suffield? Yeah. I hit him hard, hard as any boy could. Then he cried... like a little girl. Well, okay, maybe I did jump the gun with your teacher, but you better make sure that I never ever get another call like the one I got today. Do you understand me? I gotta go do some homework.","(Sighs heavily)","Amy. Dad, did you find Lanny a ranch today? He didn't like any of them. I got one more to show him tomorrow and that's it. His standards are too high. Of course I shouldn't complain because that's why he bought Dexter.","Amy: Actually, can I talk to you about that?","Tim: Well, no, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.","I plan on giving you a cut.","Amy: No, no, that's not what I mean.","What the hell are you trying to pull?","Tim: What? How dare you put my wife on a dangerous horse! She actually said that? Oh, she told me the whole story - And you can keep that nag you switched for Dexter! What're you talkin' about? This is what I was trying to tell you. Dexter isn't right for Paige, but- Well, that's a pleasant way to put it. He damn near killed her! I want my money back! You mind telling me how I just lost 30 grand?","(Truck rumbles to a halt)","Amy: I can't believe you told him we tried to sell you a dangerous horse!","I couldn't tell him the truth. I don't get it. You can't ride, so what? Is he really gonna hold that against you? I don't know, he might. Why? It's kind of hard to understand, okay? Well, try me.","(Sighs)","Lanny is a very wealthy man and so are all of his friends, and they all talk like they've been everywhere and done everything. It's intimidating. You're right, I don't understand. So I told Lanny that I grew up on this big ranch filled with prize horses. And you didn't even grow up in the country, did you? Actually, I did, just nowhere near a ranch. I grew up in Barnwell, above my family's grocery store, until it went bankrupt. You must think I'm such a fraud... Because that's exactly what I am.","(Horse whinnies)","Mallory: What do you think you're doing?","What does it look like I'm doing? It looks like you're wasting your time because you're not riding him. Amy said I could. Who do you think you are?! And what're you even doing here?! No one else seems to have time to tell me. Look, I just wanna go for a ride, okay? Well, you can't. He's my horse. You should thank me for riding Copper. He's way out of shape. That's why I'm taking him for a ride! Fine! He's a boring horse anyway! Who's the kid?! Okay, look, I will tell you all about this Georgie thing, but only if you promise to come by tonight around 6:00. You need me to babysit again. Just promise me you'll be here. Fine, whatever. Just explain to me who the kid is.","(Dogs bark in kennel)","You seriously thought I would replace you? There was this new girl here, Scott, and... Come on, man! If I was gonna fire you, I'd at least do it to your face. I know, man. I just thought with these mistakes that I've been making recently that- Hey, at least you didn't mix up the dogs' files until after the cremation.","(Chuckles)","So who is this Cassandra girl anyway? She's a vet student at the U of C. Things are pickin' up around here so I thought we could use the extra pair of hands, and now you'll know someone when you get in. Oh, if I get in. It seems like a pretty big \"if\" at the moment. Can I give you a piece of advice? Sure. You need to stop obsessing. Scott, my finals are in a couple of weeks. If I'm gonna get into vet school, this is exactly when I have to start obsessing. (Sighs) I'm not talkin' about school. Well, I don't really wanna talk about that, so... Okay, I understand. Thank you.","(Birds chirp)","Then what is it, sweetheart? I haven't been entirely honest with you. Come on, how bad can it be? Just tell me. If it's okay, I think I'd rather show you.","Amy: How are you feeling? Good?","Paige: Mmm-hmm.","Amy: All right, I want you to take one hand and put it on your saddle horn - hang on tight, okay - and when you're ready, I just want you to squeeze your legs and click to him.","Feel secure? Yeah, I think so.","Amy: Okay, go ahead and cluck.","Paige: (Clucks teeth) So I take it Dexter wasn't the problem? No, but he wasn't the right horse for her either. And you've been giving her lessons?","(Clicks teeth)","Look at you! Queen of the rodeo!","(Chuckles)","Hi, honey.","Lou: Hey.","I, uh, spoke to Lanny. Turns out the last place that I showed him on my list he loved!","Lou: Wow.","Yeah, he still hates me, but he's gonna honour my finder's fee. Hmm. So I guess I owe Amy an apology. How big of you. Yeah, I wasn't too optimistic about that one. It's got a state-of-the-art cattle facility. It's got a big house, a big view, but... But?","Tim: But I just don't see how he's gonna make any money off of it","There's not enough land to make an income. You can't feed a decent sized herd. Well, don't you think you should tell him that? He loves it. He just wanted a place to show off to his rich friends in the city. I think I can do better. You've looked at our financials?","Lou: Yes, and I don't agree with your advisors' investment plan. See, honey, they're being too conservative. No, it's the opposite. I don't think they can stand up to you. Look, they obviously know you have this \"go big or go home\" attitude and it's clouding their judgment. Mr. Barrick, you need someone who can save you from yourself. Is this how you court someone's business, by insulting them? Come on, Lanny, let's hear her out. So give us an example. Well, there's the ranch. Um, you know what? That's not- actually, let's talk about your stocks. No, no, no wait. Go back to the ranch. It's not a good example. But you brought it up. It sounds like a nice weekend getaway, but it's a poor investment. Your father recommended it. Well, yes, but you didn't take him with you, and if you had he would've noticed there isn't much land. More land equals more cattle, which equals more money. Just like the first ranch that we saw. Paige, do you want to live in that decrepit old house? Knock it down. Build yourselves a new one exactly the way you want it. So you're saying we could actually make money out of this hobby. Hmm.","Ty: Nice, nice!","Lou: You guys, I think I hear her! Shh! Shh!","Ty: Oh, hide, hide, hide, hide!","All: (Shouts) Surprise!","Lou: Dad!","Tim: What?!","Jack: We're doing a thing for Mallory here.","Tim: Oh.","Jack: What is your problem?","Tim: My meddling daughters is my problem. First Amy blew up my deal with Dexter, and then you had to open your mouth about the ranch! He decided not to buy it? He decided to buy the first one that he looked at, which is the only one I don't get a finder's fee on! He asked for my professional opinion, Dad. Uh, uh, guys!","Lou: What did you want me to do?","Tim: You sold me out for a client?","Lou: That is not fair! That is not how it happened!","Ty: Guys, hold on a second, okay?","Amy: (Whistles shrilly)","Tim: I did...","All: (Half-hearted) Surprise!","Surprise, surprise, surprise. Welcome home. Good to be home.","Come here.","(Horn blasts outside)","Tim: Hey, I know that horn.","Lanny: Hey. Thought I'd stop by before we headed back to the city.","Amy: Where's Paige?","Lanny: She's off saying good-bye to Klondike.","Amy: Okay, we'll see ya.","Lanny: All right. You really impressed me, Lou. I'd like to see what you can do with a portion of our portfolio. The better you do, the more I'll let you manage. Thank you. I won't let you down. And I do appreciate all the legwork you did to find us a ranch. Well, I'm just glad you found a place. And sorry about that little mix-up with Dexter. If it's any consolation, we'd like to buy Klondike. Except he's not my horse. You're gonna have to talk to Amy about that. You know, when I first met you, I thought you were out to take advantage of a weekend cowboy. But I can see now you're a stand-up guy. You've earned something more important than my money, Tim. You've gained my respect.","Paige: You're such a good boy!","We'll be back real soon, Klondike, and I can't wait to see you again! I think he likes you. Yeah? Yeah.","(Laughs) I think we make a good match.","Bye. So we'll be in touch. Yeah. Oh, um, by the way, I told Lanny everything. And? He said that's why I've risen to VP of marketing so quickly. I always do what I gotta do to land a deal. Bye. See ya.","Mallory: Thanks for meeting me again. I do owe you an explanation. I was miserable in Nashville, okay? And I was afraid if I heard your voice on the phone I'd miss home even more. Really? I swear. I did miss you, a lot. So, new car, huh? It's pretty cool. Come on, let's go for a ride.","Lisa: You should have told me about Georgie. I know. And I don't think you're too old.","(Chuckles)","Seriously, I don't. I think if anybody can keep up with that kid, you can.","(Snorts softly)","You have more energy than a man half your age. I don't know how you do it. I was thinking about our first day in Paris and walking all over the city on foot. You were amazing.","(Snores)","You sure you're all right to take a night off studying? Yeah. Those exams are driving me crazy.","Amy: You keep saying that, but I think we both know that's not it.","Ty.","Come on, we should talk about this.","Ty: No. I just need to let it go... Because I love you, Amy. We agreed that we were gonna wait, so it'll happen when it's supposed to happen. I know it will. Come on, let's go for a ride.","Amy: Where? I don't know. How about back to normal?","\u266a ...Find it in the sun \u266a \u266a now come around \u266a \u266a oh, now come around \u266a \u266a people, yeah! \u266a \u266a oh, now come around \u266a \u266a come around now, around now \u266a \u266a oh, now come around \u266a"],"Show Title":"Heartland","Episode Number":"06x03","Episode Title":"Keeping Up Appearances","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Heartland_08x02.json","Recap":["Ty becomes the middleman when Amy and Caleb butt heads over horse training. Reeling from her recent discovery, Georgie pulls away from Amy and focuses on donating money to an online animal sanctuary. She also learns that you can't always believe what you read online. Val's son, Jesse Stanton, comes back to work at Briar Ridge. Lou finds out about the kiss. Jack and Lisa have a wedding reception. Val comes back and her cancer has returned."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Ahmed, Gypsy is incredible!","We need to train him as a puissance horse. He loves to jump, just not the whole course. Just a single high jump.","Tim: I think what you guys really need is... somebody with a real eye. Thanks for the interest in partnering with us, Tim, but I'm gonna have to go with my gut on this one. I would've been a lot better partner than a competitor. You guys are married? Yeah, we are. How could you not tell us?!","Amy: Ahmed, he wants me to keep Gypsy... As a gift. Oh my God.","(Laptop snaps shut)","(Dramatic music)","(Hooves thunder)","(Thunderous landing thud)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Whoa...","I'm sorry, boy. I can't do it.","(Breathing hard)","(Hooves thud lightly)","Okay... I know, I know, that sucked. But it's not his fault, I just haven't been able to psych myself up. Where'd that big red wall come from?","Amy: Hillhurst. One of the perks of working for a prince. You gonna give me a hand? I may need some moral support. Sorry, I got lots of homework and stuff.","Lou: So, grandpa, will Lisa be joining us for dinner?","Jack: Nope. I think she'll be staying home tonight. (Sighs heavily)","Lou: Oh? And which home would that be? Come on, Lou, you know perfectly well.","Lou: No, I don't. Where exactly is home for you guys? Well, here and there. I think you've hit on the secret to a happy marriage: Don't live together, don't change anything, and most importantly, don't tell anyone.","Jack: Oh, Lou.","(Door opens and closes)","Hi, Georgie! How was school? There's fresh muffins.","Georgie: I'm not hungry.","Jack: Wonder what's bugging her?","Lou: What's bugging her? Honestly? What do you think is bugging her, grandpa? You and Lisa go off and get married in secret, like we don't even matter to you.","Jack: Lou, you are making way too much out of this. Oh, I almost forgot. Peter called... your husband. He said he was at work, he'd call you again when he got home. You know, his home... in, uh, Vancouver.","(Door creaks open)","Caleb: Let's see what we got.","Ty: All right.","(Steer bellows)","(Horse whinnies)","Caleb: Whoa! Whoa!","(Horse whinnies, Caleb grunts)","Ungh!","Ty: Hey! You all right?","Caleb: Yeah.","Wow. Looks like you guys got yourself a real good bucking horse there. Too bad you thought you were getting a roper. (Laughing)","Caleb: What're you doing here, Tim? Me? Oh, I just picked up a couple of retired racehorses at rock-bottom prices. What, you getting back into the racing business?","Tim: No, no. I'm gonna retrain 'em and sell them as jumpers. What about you guys? What're doing other than eating dirt? Well, so far no sales. Yeah, we've had some real sweet offers though.","Tim: Really?","Caleb: Yeah. And we're kind of busy right now though.","Tim: Okay. Well, I'd help you, but I know you don't want my help. Which is too bad, 'cause... if you did partner up with me, you wouldn't have six horses and no buyers, but...","(Birds chirp, steers moo)","(Key clicks)","Lou: Georgie? (Knocks on the door)","Brought you a muffin. Honey, are you okay? Yeah, I've just got a lot of homework. Okay. (Gasps) The solar system! Hey, do you need any help? Because when I was in sixth grade, I made a working model, all nine planets. Actually, there are only eight. Pluto was downgraded from a planet to a dwarf planet. Really? But a dwarf planet's still just like a... little planet, right? Yeah, so is VP 113 and Sedan. Astronomers believe that... there are hundreds, maybe even thousands more. Oh. Okay. Well, if you have any other questions or... Nope. Actually, I got it. Okay. Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Gypsy grunts)","(Hooves thud loudly, Gypsy grunts)","(Blocks crash)","Damn! (Sighs heavily)","\u266a and at the break of day you sank into your dream \u266a \u266a you dreamer \u266a \u266a oh, oh, oh... \u266a \u266a You dreamer \u266a \u266a you dreamer \u266a","Val: Well, if it isn't Hudson county's most eligible bachelor!","Val and Jack: (Laugh) Well I'll be! How long's it been, Val? Three, four years? I don't know.","Jack: (Chuckles)","Val: Jack! It's so good to see you. So how're you doing? Well... you know, what can I say? Florida's wonderful... the sunshine, the people, the real estate... but... (Sighs) I had to come back. I feel pretty much the same way every time I'm away. Which is what? Once a century? Oh, dunno. Might try for twice this century.","Val: Oh... (Laughs)","Jack: (Chuckles) So what brings you home? I just decided I can't deal with the business at Briar Ridge anymore... Oh? So I'm here to oversee the transition. Transition? Oh, you selling or hiring somebody? Yeah, well, that's the thing. I want to keep it in the family.","(Truck rumbles)","(Door opens and closes)","Jesse: Amy.","(Dog barks in the distance)","What, you're not gonna say hello?","Amy: Jesse... Jesse Stanton?!","Jesse: (Laughs) Wow, you got it in one.","Amy: What?","Jesse: So, how you been? You just got back from Europe, right? Uh... Yeah, my mom and Ashley keep me pretty up to date. Of course. Matter of fact, I heard you're getting married to that guy I punched out in grade ten? (Laughs) Yes, Ty. Um, but the way I remember it, he kinda punched you out.","Jesse: (Laughs) Okay, yeah. Yeah.","Well, good choice! I mean, a guy like that, you can be pretty sure he's got your back.","Amy: Yeah. So, how have you been?","Great. I just got my commerce degree, which I plan on putting to good use over at Briar Ridge. So if you're looking for a job, you can always come work for me? Yeah, see, I don't think you can afford me. My last boss was an actual prince, you know.","Jesse: So I heard.","Both: (Laugh) But think about it, all right? I mean, with your talent and my financial background, we could really make this happen. Yeah, I'll think about it.","Amy: Good to see you.","Jesse: You too.","Jesse: Take care, okay?","Amy: Okay.","(Gate clanks)","(Crumpling)","Ty: You're not even gonna look at it?","(Hooves clop)","Don't have to. I already know what it says. You gonna give me a hint?","Caleb: Okay. It's from the AG society. Turns out we're a wee bit behind on the boarding for the horses. How far behind? About all the way. What're you talking about? I just gave you five grand!","Caleb: Okay, if we don't get these horses trained and sold fast, then the food bill, the vet bill and the stable fees are gonna kill us. So right now, we just need to conserve our resources and stay the course. Are you nuts? If we don't pay our bills, we're gonna go into more debt.","Caleb: Okay. Then what would you suggest? We sell them now, before we're in so deep Ty: We can't get out.","Caleb: Whoa, whoa. We're already taking enough crap from Tim, yeah? Think what it'll be like if we can't make this work. I'm planning on marrying into this family, so taking crap from Tim comes with the territory.","Amy: So how did it go today with Caleb and the horses?","Ty: Uh, we had some challenges. We spent most of the afternoon dealing with this one horse that was always throwing Caleb off whenever he roped a steer.","Amy: Oh, hold on a second. You might be going about this backwards because roping a steer should be the very last step.","Ty: I know, but the thing is, we don't really have the time or the money to train them properly, so I've been trying to convince Caleb to sell them now.","Amy: No, Ty, you cannot sell them, not before you've trained them. You'll lose money, and dad'll never stop saying \"I told you so.\"","Ty: I don't really think we have any other option, Amy. So...","Amy: Well, sure you do. I've got plenty of time and I happen to know a thing or two about horses.","Katie: Grandpa!","Tim: Hi!","Tim: Hey, everybody. Hope you don't mind me dropping by uninvited?","Lou: Like always. Of course not, dad.","Tim: Where's Jack?","Lou: Dining at his new bride's house.","Tim: Oh! (Laughs) And what about Peter? He ever coming back from Vancouver?","Lou: Yes. But it's not just Vancouver, it's Fort Mac, Houston...","Tim: Wow, the grand tour.","Lou: Well, it's not a pleasure cruise.","It's business. He does what he has to do. Yeah, well, don't we all. Speaking of which, Amy, I bought a couple of racehorses at bargain basement prices. I'd love you to turn them into jumpers for me.","Amy: Yeah, for sure. Uh, I've got a few other things going on right now, but maybe in a few days?","Tim: Okay, yeah, no rush. And how's the prince? Uh, well, I'm still on contract with him, um, but I'm m... mostly doing my own stuff right now. The relationship.","Amy: It's good, dad. The relationship is great.","Tim: There you go. That's important.","Um, may I be excused?","Lou: Have you noticed anything different about Georgie lately?","Amy: Yeah. Yeah, she does seem...","Amy: Kinda stressed.","Lou: Yeah. Maybe there's something going on at school?","Lou: Nope. I think there's something going on at home. Look, she has been tossed around between different foster homes and families for most of her life and I think she was finally starting to get that this is the real deal, you know? That we are the family she never had. But now, I think she feels like it's all falling apart. Because Peter's always in Vancouver? What?! No. Because grandpa and Lisa just snuck off and got married like they did. You know, Lou, it sounds a little more like your problem than Georgie's. Okay, you know what? A wedding is not just about two people, Amy. It is about sharing a milestone event with friends and family. And... and grandpa and Lisa just... Didn't even think about us. And I don't know if we're ever gonna get over that.","(Horse grunts)","Amy: (Frustrated sigh)","Caleb: So what do you think?","Amy: I think that whoever broke these horses did a lousy job of it.","They're not balanced, they don't respond to your leg. That one fights the bit and this one's gonna need a lot more time. 'Kay, well, what should we do? We have to go back to basics... Back? No, there's no back. We have to go forward. In fact, we have to go full speed forward. Caleb, that's not how this works.","Caleb: Well, I'm on a really tight schedule here, Amy.","Amy: You tell that to them. You think they're gonna care about your schedule? Look, I just need you to get them on their feet and out of here as fast as possible. Caleb, I only know one way to do this, okay? So if that doesn't work for you then find someone else. Okay, um... I'm... I'm sorry. Just... Do what you need to do. It'll work for me, too. Totally.","(Amy sighs)","Lou: Hey, um, Georgie, I'm gonna head into town this afternoon, if you wanna come with.","Georgie, are you okay? You know, ever since grandpa announced his secret wedding, you've seemed sort of, I don't know... Out of sorts? I'm not out of sorts, whatever that means.","Lou: Well, don't worry, because you're not the only one. And I wish I knew how to fix this, but I... I don't. Well... We could... Give them a wedding present. We didn't give them one when they got married. Well, that's because they didn't tell us they were getting married. Well then, why don't we have a wedding? That would be very nice, but they already had a wedding. No, I meant like when we have speeches, and then have a dance. You mean a reception?","Georgie: Yeah. They didn't have one of those, and we could give them the gift. You know, that is not such a bad idea. But I thought you were mad at Jack?","Lou: Oh, no, no, I am.","But, you know, a nice party, something we could all share... Georgie, I am... I am gonna need your help with this. How about you are in charge of... Picking a nice wedding present for grandpa and Lisa?","Georgie: Okay, sure.","Lou: Great.","Lou: Okay, I'll admit it, I have been a total bit... a little bit stressed lately. And I don't blame you guys. It's just... I feel like I did when I found out that Mary Jane Sutka had this amazing twelfth birthday party and didn't invite me.","Jack: Well, this is different. There was no wedding party. Well, except your dad.","Lou: That is no consolation, Lisa. But I'm not the only one who feels left out. It's Amy, Ty, and Peter and Georgie. Especially Georgie. So we have to do something about that. Well, we're not getting married again, Lou. No, but we are prepared to do whatever it takes.","Lou: Well, I was talking to Georgie and she had mentioned how nice it would be for everyone if we could... share in your happiness.","So it got me thinking...","That maybe we should have a little... party.","Lisa: Oh!","Jack: What type of party? Oh, you know, a few friends, beef on a bun,","maybe a little music.","Yeah, I like that idea. That sounds really good to me. Well, it sounds like a wedding reception and we decided we didn't want a wedding reception.","Lisa: Well, that was before we got married! And now we're married, and it's out in the open, and we can do whatever we want. All right. Okay. Just make sure that you keep it small...","Lou: Yes.","Jack: And not too fancy.","Lisa: No. Not... not big, not fancy...","Lou: Right.","Lisa: A party.","Lou: Mm-hmm. And... and you know what?","It won't be at all like a wedding reception.","(Rope whips around, horse snorts and grunts)","Caleb: Half an hour, Amy.","You've been spinning that rope for half an hour.","Amy: Yeah, and he's still jumpy. You wanna give it a try? No, I don't. I wanna do some actual work. And what is that supposed to mean?","Caleb: Put him in the box, chase a steer, see if you could actually rope something.","Amy: Okay. All right, why don't you give that a try? Because I've had just about enough of you telling me how to do my job. You let me know how it works out.","(Engine sounds)","(Low hum of chatter, shoes clack on pavement)","Val: Hi, Lou!","Planning a party? Val! (Clears throat) Wow! I haven't seen you in years. How are you? I'm okay. Always loved a Heartland party.","Lou: Party? It's no... no, it's nothing. It's just... it's a little get together. Well, that is too bad. I want to meet your new baby. Actually, she's almost four years old. Of course she is. Oh my goodness. And I understand that you've taken a little orphan girl under your wing?","Lou: Georgie.","Val: Aw... And Jack? Gotta spend some time with Jack. We've got a lot to catch up on. I... I bet you do. But, um, look at the time. I really have to run.","Lou: Nice to see you.","Val: Yeah! And, uh, we'll keep in touch. Okay.","(SUV starts up and rumbles away)","Lou: I just couldn't bring myself to tell her why we were having the party.","I mean, that woman has been carrying a torch for you ever since grandma died, so I don't think it should be my job to tell her the bad news. Well, just tell me that you didn't invite her.","Lou: Of course I didn't invite her! I got out of there as fast as I could. But since you created this situation... I didn't create the situation, you did.","Lou: Grandpa, even if we weren't having a party, eventually you would have to tell Val you married Lisa. So I'll leave it to you.","Ty: So... how's it going?","Amy: Great. You know, I've got a feeling that today's the day I'm gonna make it over the wall. Well, that is great. Do you need a leg up?","Amy: Yeah.","Ty: Yeah?","Amy: Thanks.","(Hooves thunder)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Blocks scrape and clatter)","Ty: You almost had it there.","Amy: (Frustrated sigh) We had the height, but my timing was off by just a fraction.","Ty: So...","What happened with Caleb? I tried, Ty. I really did.","Ty: Amy, I got a lot of money tied up in those horses.","Amy: It's just wasn't working, okay? Look... I wasn't making any progress, and Caleb was driving me nuts.","Ty: Okay, well, maybe you need to look at it like you're looking at this wall. You know, you try, you don't make it over, you pick up the bricks, you put them back, and eventually...","(Block thumps)","You're gonna make it over.","Amy: Okay. Except this is a wall made of foam bricks. We're talking about Caleb. I know. (Sighs heavily) But he's my partner, Amy, and I really need a commitment this. So, I heard your run into Lou... Yesterday.","Val: Yes I did. And, uh, if this is about the party, I'd love to drop by. Well, it's not really a party, Val. That's the thing. It's... it's uh... more like a... You know, little family get together is all. Ah... (Sighs) I used to feel like I was part of your family.","Both: (Chuckle) We sure have been through a lot together, good times and bad, huh? Yeah, we sure have. But you see, um... this is different... Because um... Lisa and I... W... what? Lisa Stillman? (Laughs) Is she still around? Well, yeah. Um... And I know that you and her, you never got on that well...","Val: (Laughs) Oh, Jack, I don't care if she's at the party. I'm just in town for a few days and I'd love to spend some time with you. And this is kind of important to me... Because I uh... I'm not in remission anymore. I've got my cancer back. (Thick, brave laugh)","Jack: Jeez, Val, I'm sorry. I, I... Boy, what do you say? I never know what to say.","(Chuckles uncomfortably)","I know. It's d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu, huh?","(Laughs bravely and sighs)","Wow. Anything I can do. I mean anything at all, Val, you know I'll be there.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Georgie: Look, Lou, I found the perfect present: \"Hooves for Hope.\" You can adopt a horse in trouble for Jack and Lisa.","Lou: Oh, honey, I'm not sure that uh... Getting them a horse is such a good idea.","Georgie: Well, you don't actually get the horse. You just get a cute little stuffed toy. With every hundred dollar donation, you save a horse from going to the slaughterhouse!","Lou: Hmm. Well, it looks like a nice place.","Georgie: Yeah, and they don't just want your money. You can go and volunteer there, too.","I tried calling them, but their line was busy. Hmm.","(Truck door bangs shut)","Amy: (Clucks her tongue) Come on. Good boy.","Tim: Hey.","Amy: All right.","Tim: What's Amy doing here?","Amy: Get up! Get up!","Caleb: She's just giving us a hand.","Well, how much is she charging you? To tell you the truth, we actually haven't had a chance to discuss fees yet.","Tim: Amy! I thought you were too busy to work with my horses?","Amy: Well, I am. I've got a lot of work to do here.","Tim: Yeah, I can see that, with Caleb's horses. Guess the price was right, huh? Like I said, we haven't had a chance to talk about fees.","Tim: Of course you haven't. Well, good luck, honey. She's gonna need it with those over-priced cow ponies.","Lou: Okay, so... even if I cross out everyone I don't actually like, I still come up with thirty people. Yeah, and that's a gala for Jack. I know, I know. So...","(Door closes, Jack sighs)","Lou: Oh, grandpa, how did Val take the news?","Jack: Well, she didn't.","I was just getting around to the subject when she told me that her cancer is back.","Lou: Oh no.","Lisa: Oh. Says her doctors are optimistic. She's got a positive attitude. Good. You invited her to come, didn't you? Yes, I did.","Lisa: Tell her about us?","Jack: No, I didn't.","Lou: (Sighs)","Jack: It just wasn't the right time, Lis. We are going to need a bigger party. Now why would we want that?","Lisa: Well, if... I mean, it would give you a lot more people to talk to and you won't have to explain everything to Val all night. Exactly. Okay. (Whispers) This changes everything. (Laughs) It certainly does. You know, it's like he holds this huge grudge against you, and now that includes me.","Ty: What did he say?","Amy: I don't know, just like... Good luck, you're gonna need it, or whatever, and then he walked away. (Sighs) I guess he's taking this competition thing a little too seriously. Well, whatever it is, someone needs to tell him to back off... And I'm sort of thinking... That you are the best person for the job.","Ty: Oh, me?","Amy: Yeah.","Ty: Why not you? He's your dad.","Amy: Because you're the competition, and he's never gonna respect you if you don't stand up to him. What, you're saying your dad doesn't respect me? No, I'm not. I'm just saying that he'll respect you more if you do this for me.","Amy: Hmm?","Ty: (Sighs)","(Door opens and closes)","Amy: So this \"intimate\" family gathering is really happening, huh?","Lou: Actually, it's getting a little bigger.","But Georgie has a really interesting idea for a wedding present. They buy horses off the meat truck and re-home them. She has her heart set on adopting a horse for them.","Amy: \"Hooves for Hope.\" I've never heard of it before.","Lou: Really? It's local.","Amy: Huh. You know, maybe before we give them a cheque, I should drive over and take a look. You should take Georgie with you.","(Receding footsteps)","Amy: Hey, Georgie?","(Approaching footsteps)","Georgie: (Sighs heavily)","(Door creaks open, Remy pants)","Lou tells me that you have a great idea for a wedding present. Yeah, I guess.","Amy: See, I've never heard of this \"Hooves for Hope\" place, so I was thinking of taking a drive out there, checking it out. Do you want to come with me? Maybe later. I've got some stuff to do. That's too bad, 'cause, you know, they might let us see the horses, or maybe even pick one for grandpa and Lisa.","(Receding footsteps)","(Pencil clatters, hurried footsteps)","(Truck door bangs shut, birds chirp)","Tim: You here to help me?","Ty: Not exactly.","Tim: Good.","Grab that. Right here. Just... I'm gonna cut these off. So I heard you bumped into Amy at the rodeo grounds. Yeah. (Nail clatters) She was working for Caleb. How come nobody tells me anything? Well, 'cause she's not working for Caleb, she's working for me. Well, I don't see the difference there. The difference is Caleb's not marrying your daughter, I am. Yeah, so you keep saying. Well, you can count on it, Tim, and that means I'm gonna be your son-in-law. So why are you treating Amy like she's working for the enemy? And Caleb, you're his role hero, national all around cowboy.","Tim: Yeah. Four years running. I've heard, and so has everybody else. Tim, I gotta tell you straight, okay? You gotta get over it and you gotta stop bugging us. You really wanna be my son-in-law, you gotta toughen up. You think I'm hard on you? I'm cocktails on the beach compared to what you're gonna run into in the horse business. I'm not talking about the horse business. I'm talking about Amy. You've seriously gotta stop making her feel bad about working with us, Tim. All right. Yeah. What the hell. But don't be... Calling me dad.","Ty: Don't worry about that. That's never gonna happen... pops.","(Foliage crunches underfoot)","(Truck rumbles)","Georgie: Why are we stopping?","Amy: Because this is it, 66 Hawk's Head Road.","Georgie: What're you talking about?","In the picture, there was a big white barn, and there's no horses.","Amy: I know. This is what I was afraid of. Sometimes these Internet things, they aren't what they seem, and it looks like Hooves for Hope might be a scam. You knew it was gonna be like this? No, I didn't know for sure. I... I was trying to help.","Georgie: Well, I don't want your help ever again.","Amy: Georgie, hold on. Isn't it better to find out now, instead of after you've already given them your money? Georgie, wait! What... I hate you! You ruin everything!","(Door bangs shut)","(Truck rumbles forward)","Amy: Georgie, what is going on with you?","Georgie: Nothing!","Amy: It's a long walk.","Georgie: I don't care.","Amy: Look, I'm serious. If you don't get back in the truck now, I'm gonna leave you here.","Georgie: I wanna walk.","Amy: Okay, fine. But I'm gonna warn you, at the pace you're going you're not gonna make it home before dark.","(Truck idles, door opens and bangs shut)","Lou: What do you mean, you can't make it?","It's grandpa's wedding! Okay, so it's not a real wedding, but you still have to be there. Honey, he's your... grandfather-in-law. (Sighs) Yes, I appreciate that it is a big project and that your career depends on it, but...","(door bangs shut)","Lou: Georgie?","Kate: Hee-haw! Hee-haw!","Honey, I'm gonna have to call you back. Yes. Yeah. We'll talk later. Bye.","Amy: (Sighs heavily)","Lou: What happened? There's no Hooves for Hope, Lou. It's all a fake, and apparently, it's my fault.","(Door clicks and creaks open)","Lou: You know, you're not the first person to get fooled by some scam website, honey.","It's a good thing we were as careful as we were.","Georgie: (Sighs) I know it was stupid, but I didn't think it would just be more lies.","More lies? You mean like the way that grandpa lied about getting married? Well, that's why he wants to have this party now. I don't even know what you're talking about. Well, then, what is the problem?","Georgie: (Sighs) It's hard to explain. Try. You have to promise not to tell Amy. Okay, I promise. What is it?","Georgie: Okay, look at this.","Lou: Oh, there's Amy.","(Party chatter on video)","Oh my God! So good to see you.","Lisa: Hi! How are you?","Amy: Hey. Good.","Lisa: Pretty lady.","Amy: You know, Lou, I think you were right, this party was a really great idea. Yeah, I guess. Is something wrong? No, of course not. Oh, look, here comes Ty.","- Come on, Katie, let's go check on the food.","Katie: Okay.","Amy: (Laughs)","Ty: Hey.","Amy: Hey.","Wow. You look amazing. So do you. (Chuckles) Where's Caleb? I thought he was coming with you? Oh, he's putting a little extra time in with the horses but he should be here soon. I don't get it. Since you talked to my dad, he's totally backed off. The work's going well, so why the rush? Well, it costs a fortune to board six horses at the rodeo grounds. Well, then why don't you just bring them here? You know, at little extra feed isn't gonna kill us and that'll save me the trip every day. Working for free? Feeding the horses at your own expense? You might be good with horses, but as a businesswoman, you need some work. (Sighs) Yeah, I guess I do, don't I? So, uh, I think that friend you invited is here. You should go talk to him. Okay, okay. But remember, he's not my boyfriend! I know.","Georgie: Hi!","Stephen: Hey. So I'm glad you could come. Me too. My mom drove me. Cool.","(Loud buzz of chatter)","Lisa: Oh! Oh, look out, here comes trouble.","Val: Jack!","Jack: Hi.","Val: And Lisa.","Lisa: Hi.","Jack: I'm uh... I'm glad you could make it, Val.","Look at you! The perfect couple.","Jack: Yeah. I guess I forgot to mention that... You two are married?","Jack: Uh-huh. I wanted to be the first to congratulate you, but it never seemed like the right time. Val? Did you know all along? (Laughs) Oh, please, Jack. Everybody in town told me a least once. Some people told me twice. But then why didn't you say something? Because it was so much fun to watch you tie yourself into knots!","(Chuckles)","And because it made me happy to imagine that... You might care enough to try to protect me from the truth. Of course I care.","(Laughs)","Don't you go get sentimental on me, Jack. We might've had our day, but it was a long time ago.","(Laughs)","(Clinking glass sound)","Lou: Um, first of all, I just want to thank everyone for coming out and helping us celebrate Jack and Lisa's marriage...","Even though it happened months ago.","(Guests laugh)","Lou: Seriously, we love you guys.","So, let's get this party started.","I would like invite my daughter, Georgie, up.","She has a special announcement to make.","(Guests cheer and clap)","Come on, Georgie! Woo!","(Guests murmur)","Georgie: Later tonight, if you look up at the sky above the barn, you will see a big blurry blob of light called the Andromeda galaxy, also known as the M31, NGC224.","In that galaxy, there's a star that used to be called the HD Triple 2 155. But now, it's called the Jack and Lisa star, so that, whenever Jack and Lisa are apart, they can both look up at the same star and know that they'll always be together.","(Guests clap and murmur)","Lisa: That is so sweet. How did they do that?","Lou: Good job. Well... (Kiss)","That is a pretty tough act to follow, but it's time for the best man's speech. So, dad, step on up.","(Guests clap and cheer)","Come on, Tim! Let's hear it, Tim!","Tim: Well, I have to be honest, when Jack asked me to be his best man, I thought it was a joke. He asked himself to be the best man! He kinda did.","(Amy laughs)","Tim: As all of you know, Jack and I have a long history of ups and downs.","We first met at the high river rodeo.","And even though I was kicking his butt every day,","Jack never held a grudge. In fact, when I told him that I was going to marry his daughter, I could tell it was a big deal for him. But that was before everything fell to pieces. It was a rough ride while I was married to Jack's daughter and it was a rougher ride while I was getting divorced from Jack's daughter, so I would have to say that, Jack, you've seen your share of rough rides and heartbreak. Jack lost his wife, Lindy, way too soon,","and then a few years later, he lost Marion.","But I can say that marrying Lisa is something that...","Both Lindy and Marion would have wanted for Jack.","It's what we all want for Jack. Everybody says that Jack is the rock of this family... just ask him...","(Guests laugh)","But I see it differently.","Jack needs this family to give him his strength, and we all know he couldn't do it alone. So that's why we're here, to help Lou, and Amy, and Georgie, and Katie celebrate... Celebrate this marriage between Jack and Lisa, and most importantly, to welcome Lisa to the family and into our hearts. To Jack and Lisa.","Guests: Jack and Lisa.","Ty: To Jack and Lisa.","Guests: Cheers! Wow!","(Clapping)","(Clapping)","\u266a Over the mountains... \u266a \u266a Under the stars... \u266a","Lou: I'll lead.","Georgie: Okay. \u266a I will love you \u266a","Lou: Oh, look, there's Stephen.","I think he wants to dance with you. No...","Lou: Would you like to cut in?","Stephen: Uh, yeah. Sure.","Lou: (Whispers) Have fun!","Georgie: (Whispers) Thanks.","Stephen: I was just...","That thing you did with the stars, that was pretty cool.","Georgie: Thanks. I uh... I found it on the Internet, when I was looking at my astronomy project.","(Door closes, music plays outside)","Jesse: So, have you thought about it yet?","Thought about what? (Laughs) Most people, when you offer them a job as trainer at Briar Ridge, they remember it. Oh. I didn't think you were serious! Okay, well, let's say I was. Let's say you could name your own price. What then? That's a pretty great offer, but I think, either way, my answer is no. (Chuckles) Well, that's too bad, Amy. It could've been a real sweet deal. Let me know if you change your mind though, all right?","(Music plays outside, dishes clink)","\u266a Where you find your strength... \u266a","Jack: One dance for old times' sake?","Val: I thought you'd never ask.","\u266a Because you found the strength to carry on \u266a \u266a well, it was... \u266a","Hey, Georgie, why aren't you dancing with your friend Stephen? Well, I can't dance with him too much, or else everybody will think he's my boyfriend, which he's not. Oh. Well, I'm not much of a dancer, but at least no one will think I'm your boyfriend. \u266a No use drowning in your sorrow or being frozen by your fears \u266a","Georgie: Oopsy!","Both: (Laughing)","(Door closes)","Amy: Hey, Lou.","Lou: Oh, Amy.","I didn't know you were in here. Is something wrong?","Lou: No. Nothing. Just um... (Clears throat) That was some speech dad gave. Yeah, at first I didn't know if it was at a wedding or a funeral. Yeah, me too... By the way, I was thinking we should give a donation to a real animal sanctuary, just so Georgie doesn't think they're all fakes. Yeah. So if you have any suggestions? I doubt she's gonna take any suggestions from me. Ever since our trip to \"Hooves for Hope\", she's kinda been giving me the cold shoulder. She's... Just kinda going through some... Teenage stuff. Don't worry about it. Okay, Lou,","- please explain what's going on?","Lou: Nothing.","Except... Have you talked to Ahmed lately? (Thrown exhale) Where did that come from? I'm just curious because you haven't really talked about him since you got home, and I... I'm wondering if you guys keep in touch? Um... there's been a few emails, phone calls. What're you getting at? It's just there's... (Exhales) You know what? This isn't really the right time.","Lou: Why don't we...","Amy: Lou. (Sighs) Okay. What the heck. Come here, I have to show you something. This is not what it looks like! I certainly hope not, Amy. Because it looks like Ahmed either just proposed to you or propositioned you, and either way, you were well on your way to saying yes. I didn't say yes to anything! They gave me a necklace and I said thank you. And that was it! Nothing happened. He kissed you, Amy, and it was more than just a peck on the cheek. Yeah, he kissed me. Once. But that whole time we were on the tour, he was polite, he was formal, he was like he is. And he didn't do anything until that night. And then... Then I told him to back off, that he had crossed a line, and he said he was sorry. And it happened that fast. Honestly?","Amy: Lou, it's just my luck that some jerk would be recording the whole thing on his phone. Oh my God, Lou, you can't tell anyone! It might not be that simple, Amy. I mean, it's already out there. But I swear, I won't tell anybody. You know what, Lou? You were right. That was a wedding, it feels much more real now. Shouldn't you two be on a honeymoon someplace exotic?","Lisa: (Laughs)","Jack: Not sure there's any place I'd rather be right now. Only one thing I regret... I never danced with you at the party.","Lisa: (Chuckles)","Lou and Jack: (Laugh)","\u266a I stumbled out of bed this mornin', \u266a \u266a told myself the sky ain't falling \u266a \u266a still you won't catch me out there \u266a \u266a I won't ever learn to live without you \u266a \u266a I'm too busy thinking about you \u266a","Ty: Do you need a leg up?","Amy: No, I'm fine.","\u266a Praying a losing man's prayer \u266a","(Amy exhales)","\u266a I'm waiting for the healing \u266a \u266a I'm sick and tired of this feeling \u266a \u266a nothing changing but the seasons \u266a \u266a I'm right here where you left me \u266a","(Pin clatters, picture crumples)","\u266a I've gotta move on, I know \u266a \u266a but I can't see just where to go \u266a \u266a out here in the darkness where you left me \u266a","(Hooves thud)","\u266a Wish you'd come back and leave me whole, \u266a \u266a but maybe it's best that I'm on my own \u266a \u266a 'cause I don't want you to see me this way \u266a","(Whoosh, heavy landing thud)","Yes! You did it!","(Exhales)","Good boy. Way to go!","\u266a I'm waiting for the healing \u266a \u266a I'm sick and tired of this feeling \u266a \u266a and nothing changing \u266a \u266a but the seasons \u266a","(Ripping)","\u266a I'm right here where you left me \u266a \u266a still right here where you left me \u266a","(Sniffling)"],"Show Title":"Heartland","Episode Number":"08x02","Episode Title":"The Big Red Wall","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Hell_on_Wheels_01x03.json","Recap":["Cullen resumes his quest for vengeance by learning the name of one of the men responsible for his wife's death. His plans change when he crosses paths with Lily and Joseph. She has been wounded from a Cheyenne attack on her camp that also killed her husband. Joseph has been seeking answers from his former tribe, including his own brother, about the savage attack. When Bolan and his men try to forcibly escort Lily for the ransom, in the fire exchange Cullen shoots Bolan's ear, then he brings her near Hell On Wheels, but he lets her enter the camp alone, showing no interest for the ransom. Elam ( Common ) is approached by his fellow freeman about not doing his share of the work. Durant telegraphs Senator Crane (James D. Hopkin), appealing for federal troops to help with the natives. Crane wires back his dissent about the troop request, the pacing of the construction, and Robert Bell's murder."],"Transcript":["[ EXT. Establishing shot of Hell on Wheels at night; Johnson's former tent\/office, now BOHANNON's ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO: INT-BOHANNON's tent\/office ]","( BOHANNON is going through Johnson's things. He flips through books but doesn't find what he's looking for. He puts his fingers to his brow before opening a box. There are papers and newspaper clippings, one reading \"Strange Murder in Capital: Union Veteran Shot in Confessional\". He sighs and then notices a secret panel in the lid of the box. It contains a picture of people at Lincoln's deathbed, Daniel Johnson in his Union captain's uniform, and a photo of a Union army company. )","( BOHANNON remembers killing three of the men in the picture: Corporal Buckton Prescott in the confessional in Washington D.C., Private Wustner while he was in an outhouse, and Lieutenant Tanner while he lay in bed. Only one man remains, Sergeant Harper, but his face is blurred. BOHANNON folds the picture in half. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EXT. Hell on Wheels, the next day ]","( The engine moves along the track as another day begins in Hell on Wheels. Blacksmiths forge in the open air and people go about their business. Reverend Nathaniel Cole is preaching to the people in Hell on Wheels from outside his church tent, though no one is paying much attention. Across the road, Mickey McGinnes dumps out a bucket while his brother, Sean, stands nearby outside their Magic Lantern Show tent. )","Cole: Good morning, sinners! I can say that because I'm a sinner too. I know the dark path of drink and debauchery. I traveled it well. Now, I'm on the path to God's light and I invite every last one of you to come along. All are welcome: black, white, sinner, or saint. ( to Mickey and Sean ) Even you papists. All are welcome in God's house.","Mickey: Thank you, Father. I mean, Reverend.","Sean: ( to MICKEY ) Glad our dear, sweet mother wasn't here to see that.","Mickey: What? ( wipes hands on a cloth ) I was being polite. Why are you always on me arse?","Sean: The house was half-full last night. It'll be half again tomorrow.","Mickey: ( crosses arms ) What do you want me to do about it?","Sean: Worry about it, like I do! The Swede'll come calling, you know. Sooner rather than later.","Mickey: ( nudges SEAN ) That must be the new girl. The savage woman.","( Across the road, young woman with dark hair, EVA, is hanging laundry on a line. )","Sean: What d'ya mean?","Mickey: Haven't you heard? Mr. Toole told me the whole story. She was but a girl, as white as we taken captive years ago. Sold to the highest heathen bidder, she was. Some say she was a slave. Others claim she be an Indian princess.","Sean: Oh, will you stop with your tall tales. She's just a whore, Mick.","Mickey: Well, then go talk to her, you b*st*rd. Make me a liar. ( nods in EVA's direction ) Go on.","( Sean walks towards EVA. He looks over his shoulder and MICKEY smiles at him. )","Sean: Good morning to you.","( She turns, revealing blue tattoos on her chin. SEAN is shocked. EVA yells at him in an Indian language. SEAN, terrified, backs up and trips, falling into the mud. He gets to his feet and runs back to MICKEY, who is laughing. EVA smiles for a moment. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EXT. Outside BOHANNON's tent\/office ]","( The railroad workers wait anxiously outside Bohannon's tent. The men talk amongst each other, separated into crews. )","Psalms: ( to the Negro cut crewmen ) Buy the man a drink first, that's what I hear. Buy the man a drink and take him out and goes savage as a meat axe on him, you hear me?","Elam: He didn't kill Johnson.","Psalms: ( to ELAM ) They's going to hang him.","Elam: They didn't...yet.","( BOHANNON exits his tent and stops, surprised by the crowd gathered. MR. TOOLE steps forward )","Toole: ( removes his hat ) Hey, Mr. Bohannon, sir. Fine day, is it not?","Bohannon: Fine or not, I guess we got a good day's work ahead of us, huh? ( puts on coat and addresses one of the walking bosses ) Mr. Kretschmar, I need that rail-end leveled down to the next marker. ( turns to TOOLE ) Mr. Toole, I need you and your men at the end of the iron. Looks like the train's bringing down that load of ties. Alright?","Toole: Yes, sir, Mr. Bohannon, sir.","Bohannon: ( turns to ELAM ) Elam, I need you and your men... ( points with hat )","Elam: ( interrupting ) It's Mr. Ferguson.","Bohannon: ( clearly irritated ) Elam. ( pause ) You and your men get down in the cut.","Swede (O.C.): I need men. ( rides up with BOLAN and Dix ) Men not afraid of the heathens. Men not afraid of making some money.","Bohannon: What is this about? ( leans against tent pole )","Swede: The Fair-Haired Maiden of the West. ( looks hard at BOHANNON ) Mrs. Lily Bell. She has been taken captive by the Cheyenne Dog Soldiers. And Mr. Durant has promised a bounty to the men who rescue her.","Bohannon: Ain't nobody going nowheres or there won't be a job waiting for you when you get back.","Swede: Dix will take a party north. Bolan south. ( starts pointing to different men in the crowd ) You. You, ja? You.","Bohannon: I told you, I can't spare these men.","( The SWEDE wheels his horse and rides closer to BOHANNON. )","Swede: Mr. Durant wants her found.","Bohannon: Mr. Durant wants a railroad built.","Swede: ( pointing to two more men ) You and you.","Bohannon: ( walks towards the SWEDE ) No, this ain't happening.","Elam: Boss man, let 'em go. We can do their work and our work.","( BOHANNON turns and nods. )","Bohannon: ( to the SWEDE ) You get your men and get the hell out of here.","( The SWEDE gestures with his head and he and his men leave. The crowd begins to disperse )","Bohannon: One more thing, I'm looking for a man named Harper. Frank Harper? He's a friend of Johnson's?","Toole: I believe he's out with the logging crew.","Bohannon: Where's that?","Toole: Must be fifteen, twenty miles west of the cut by now.","( Crowd disperses to perform their different tasks. ELAM walks up to BOHANNON, who is unhitching his horse )","Elam: ( quietly ) Is that a bullet?","Bohannon: What?","Elam: What you got for Sergeant Harper.","Bohannon: Ain't you got some work to do? ( climbs in saddle ) Yours and theirs? Get to it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EXT. Establishing shot of DURANT's train car ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO: INT-DURANT's train car ]","( The TELEGRAPH OPERATOR is sending telegrams while DURANT reads over documents and the YOUNG ENGINEER works on a map. The SWEDE stands in front of DURANT's desk. )","Swede: People, they are scared. The Indian massacre. They seen the bodies. Heard the stories. Your stories.","Durant: I need troops.","Swede: Seven men we lost last night. Left the employ of the Union Pacific; some on the train, others just run off. More tonight I expect. Seems the men prefer to keep their scalps on their heads.","Durant: ( to YOUNG ENGINEER ) Are you afraid?","Young Engineer: No, sir, Mr. Durant.","Durant: ( to TELEGRAPH OPERATOR ) What about you?","Telegraph Operator: Well, as a matter of fact, I-I...","Durant: Enough. ( to YOUNG ENGINEER ) Now, why do you want to sh1t on my railroad?","Young Engineer: ( nervously points to map of route ) Uh, well, under our current pace, uh, we won't make the forty mile mark so what uh I would propose is uh we ( draws imaginary line through map ) straighten the route.","Durant: The route remains the same.","Young Engineer: But Mr. Durant as I understand it, the deadline's been pushed up and in light Central Pacific's recent advances...","Durant: ( forcefully ) Keep to the plan. I'll make it a reality.","Young Engineer: Yes, sir, Mr. Durant.","( The SWEDE stands by, smiling )","Durant: You're amused?","Swede: No, sir. I'm just looking forward to watching yet again as you smite the forces agin' you.","Durant: The search continues?","Swede: For the maps? Yeah. ( nods )","Durant: For the woman, Lily Bell.","Swede: I've got my men out, despite Mr. Bohannon.","Durant: Still more concerned about your killer than my railroad.","Swede: No, sir. But whoever cut Daniel Johnson's throat is of ongoing concern.","Durant: More importantly, is my new foreman building my railroad?","Swede: He is. Yet, there is something about the man that does not quite add up.","Durant: ( sighs, exasperated and turns to TELEGRAPH OPERATOR ) To: Jordan Crane, Washington D.C. Stop. ( holds brow ) Honorable Senator. Work continues at a fever pace. Stop.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO: EXT-Woods somewhere outside Hell on Wheels ]","Durant (V.O.): However, hostile native action threatens progress. Stop. The march of civilization in jeopardy. Stop. To heal the nation we must displace the savage. Stop. Otherwise the savage will displace us.","( It is drizzling and JOSEPH BLACK MOON rides with LILY BELL. She is unconscious and very pale. )","Joseph: Mrs. Bell. ( no response ) Mrs. Bell? ( pulls horse to a stop ) Woah, woah.","( JOSEPH pulls LILY from the saddle and lays her on the ground. He kneels over her and removes his hat. He inspects her wounds. He hears the click of a rifle. He turns to see BOHANNON looking down the barrel of a Henry rifle. )","Bohannon: You speak English?","Joseph: Yes, sir.","Bohannon: ( gestures with rifle ) Move. Who are you?","Joseph: Joseph Black Moon.","Bohannon: Cheyenne?","Joseph: Christian. ( he approaches BOHANNON )","Bohannon: Woah, woah, woah. Hold steady. ( pats down JOSEPH )","Joseph: I'm unarmed, sir.","Bohannon: What did you do to her?","Joseph: ( confused ) I-I didn't do...","Bohannon: Hey, what did you do to her?","Joseph: I saved her.","Bohannon: ( incredulously ) From the Indians?","Joseph: Yes, sir. She took an arrow to the shoulder. I'm trying to take her to the railroad to see the doctor.","( BOHANNON looks skeptical. He kneels next to LILY and removes his hat. He feels her forehead and pulls back the neckline of her dress to examine her wound. )","Bohannon: When this happen?","Joseph: Two, maybe three days ago.","( BOHANNON takes out a hip flask and takes a swig. )","Bohannon: My horse, there's a field kit in the saddle bag.","( JOSEPH goes and gets the field kit. BOHANNON opens his pocketknife. )","Joseph: Here. ( hands the kit to BOHANNON )","Bohannon: Hold her down.","( JOSEPH holds down LILY by the right shoulder. BOHANNON cuts open LILY's sutures with a pocketknife. LILY comes to. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO LILY's perspective: Spinning tree tops and suddenly BOHANNON and JOSEPH's faces. BOHANNON takes another swig from the flask, liquid dripping from his lips. ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO regular perspective: LILY looks down at her shoulder and screams. ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO LILY's perspective ]","Bohannon: Hoah! Hold her down. Shh shh! Stop! Stop!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO regular perspective: BOHANNON digs in LILY's shoulder with a medical tool while she screams in agony. ]","Bohannon: Hold on.","( BOHANNON pulls out a small shard of the arrowhead from her wound. She gasps in relief. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EXT. The cut ]","( The Negro cut crew are digging the cut in the heat of the day. PSALMS, stripped down to his pants and suspenders, is complaining loudly to anyone who will listen while using a sledgehammer. )","Psalms: Now, the man say we got to do our work and theirs. But I ask ya, why ain't that Negro ass down here with us? Y'all know who he is, that's all I'm saying. Back in the day, them days was bad, don't get me wrong. Master drove me hard. Nearly drove me to the grave. You hear me? Some things was better back then, at least you knew your place.","( ELAM walks up and stands above PSALMS on the side of the cut. )","Elam: Psalms! Less talk, more work.","( PSALMS stares up at ELAM and sticks the sledgehammer into the dirt. )","Elam: Bust me some stone, Negro.","Psalms: How 'bout I bust me your head?","( ELAM walks down into the cut and stands in front of PSALMS. )","Elam: You got something to say to me?","Psalms: Yes, I do.","Elam: What would that be?","Psalms: ( to other men ) How come we got to do the white man work, huh? Oh, that's right. 'Cause you think you is the white man. Not the high yella house nigger you is.","( Explosion in the background. ELAM and PSALMS stare each other down. ELAM picks up a sledgehammer. The other men watch ELAM and match his pace. )","Elam: We got to do their work and our work but this ain't for them. This is for us. White man ain't gonna give you nothing. 'Cause they want us to fall. They all want us to fall.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EXT. Woods outside Hell on Wheels ]","( It has started to drizzle and JOSEPH is building a small fire. BOHANNON carries LILY and places her on the ground. She is unconscious. He feels her forehead and touches a strand of her hair, looking down at her. He stands and moves to his horse. He mounts. )","Joseph: Hey. Sir, you leaving?","Bohannon: Yep, somewheres I gotta be. ( stars down path )","Joseph: Thank you, for helping her.","Bohannon: Yep.","( BOHANNON starts to ride off but stops, thinks, and wheels his horse back around. )","Bohannon: ( to himself ) Dammit. ( to JOSEPH ) You haven't thought this thing through, have you?","Joseph: What do you mean?","Bohannon: Indian brings that woman back to town, Indian don't get out alive.","Joseph: ( genuinely confused ) But I live there. At the church. ( he stands )","Bohannon: You don't get it do you, boy? They brought them back in yesterday on a buckboard. Everybody seen what they did to them bodies.","( JOSEPH sighs and looks away. )","Bohannon: Why cut 'em up? Huh? What do your people get out of it?","Joseph: You're people have done much worse.","Bohannon: ( chuckles ) Huh. Maybe. ( swings off out of his saddle ) Maybe. ( hitches horse ) But that ain't gonna keep them from skinning your ass you bring that white woman back to town. ( puts his hands on his hips and sighs ) I'll have to take her.","( BOHANNON kneels by the fire. JOSEPH storms over to his horse, mounts, and rides away. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EXT. Hell on Wheels, night ]","( PSALMS, ELAM, and other members of the Negro cut crew are walking through town after a hard day of work. )","Psalms: Explain to me why I work harder than them and they go to bed with three dollars more in their pocket than I do. Don't make a lick of sense.","Elam: It don't. We work as hard as them, right?","Psalms: Damn right.","Elam: Then why don't we get the same reward?","( He indicates the whore house. )","Psalms: You crazy.","Elam: We deserve a taste, too. Huh?","Psalms: We can't go in there.","Elam: You ain't one of them nasty boys is you, Psalms? Now, I know you get horny. I hear you back behind that tent every night. ( everyone laughs ) Damn, boy, you gonna go blind. ( More laughter. )","Psalms: ( sarcastically ) Heh heh heh. ( to ELAM ) Lookee here, you go in there, ( points to whore house ) you coming out on the bad end of a rope","Elam: You ain't scared, is ya?","Psalms: You're damn right I'm scared.","Elam: Well, I ain't.","( ELAM grabs the brim of his hat in farwell and walks away. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ INT. Whore house ]","( Several men are laughing. TOOLE is finishing a story. )","Toole: She had a face like a hatchet and an ass like a Venus, I tell you.","( The men stop talking as soon as they see ELAM. )","Toole: What do you want, you mule-colored b*st*rd?","Elam: To spend some hard-earned money, same as you.","Toole: ( to men ) \"Same as me,\" he says. ( to ELAM ) Have you looked in the mirror lately, Mr. Ferguson? You think we the same, well then you got a big surprise coming I tell ya. ( to men ) Face like a coal scuttle he has.","Elam: Why don't you just mind your damn business.","Toole: You the man to make me?","( EVA is standing in the doorway leading to the cribs. )","Eva: Well, if ain't Mr. Toole. Watch out, ladies, he's back. ( chuckles ) We call him the Blade, for he'll gut you like a trout.","( She walks up to ELAM. )","Eva: And who would you be?","Elam: You're next customer.","( She laughs in his face. )","Toole: Look at him. Can't even land a cheap ass whore been plugged by every heathen buck in the territory.","( EVA's smile has dropped. ELAM puts his hat on and leaves. EVA sadly watches him go. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EXT. BOHANNON and LILY's camp in the woods outside Hell on Wheels ]","( BOHANNON is tending the fire. LILY awakes and sits up. She looks around. )","Bohannon: ( holds up Robert Bell's map case ) Is this what you're looking for?","( He tosses it to her and she holds it. )","Lily: My shoulder's feeling much better. ( no response ) Where's Joseph?","Bohannon: He took off.","Lily: Why?","Bohannon: Ma'am, it is way too late and way too wet to be trying to figure out some Indian, alright?","Lily: I regret we haven't been properly introduced.","Bohannon: Cullen Bohannon. I work for the railroad.","( He stands and goes to lie down. )","Lily: Have I done something?","Bohannon: It ain't what you done, it's who you are.","Lily: What do you mean?","( He looks at her for the first time in the conversation. )","Bohannon: You ain't whore nor squaw. You shouldn't be out here.","Lily: You don't know who I am or what I'm capable of.","Bohannon: No, I don't and I sure as hell don't care.","( He turns over to go to sleep, leaving LILY to sit alone by the fire. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EXT. Establishing shot of DURANT's car ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO: INT-DURANT's car ]","( DURANT is reading telegrams from Sen. Crane and drinking. )","Durant: \"Request for military support to be taken under advisement. Very concerned regarding lack of progress. Need to understand impact of surveyor loss.\" The Honorable Senator is very concerned. If he were in my shoes he'd be downright suicidal.","( Goes to pour another drink but misses the glass and pours on the table. )","Durant: Damn! ( sighs ) Henri!","( HENRI, DURANT's French Negro servant enters the room. DURANT gestures at the spill on the table. HENRI sighs and frowns as he mops up the spilled alcohol. )","Durant: Your look of disdain reminds me of my dear wife back in New York.","( HENRI goes and gets DURANT's coat and helps him slip it on. )","Durant: What Hannah failed to grasp, is that where most men seek the warm glow that only whiskey can provide, I imbibe to fuel the conflagration. There's a fire in my belly which must be fed. Otherwise, we'll never see the Pacific.","( DURANT walks to the end of the car to exit. )","Henri: And did your wife accept this excuse, Monsieur Durant?","( DURANT stops and turns. )","Durant: As a matter of fact, she didn't.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EXT. Road in Hell on Wheels ]","( DURANT strolls along boardwalk looking in a tent where men are drinking. He steps off the end into a big puddle. He turns at the sound of a woman laughing. It is EVA, who is dumping a bucket into the street. He regains his composure. He sees the McGinnes Brothers' Magic Lantern Show and walks towards it. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ INT. McGinnes Brother's Magic Lantern Show tent ]","( SEAN is counting money under a banner that lists admission at 5\u00a2. MICKEY is putting up the benches. DURANT enters the tent. )","Mickey: Sorry, mate. You missed the last show I'm afraid.","Durant: Oh, very well, I see. ( turns to go )","Sean: Mr. Durant, sir, an honor and a pleasure.","( SEAN enthusiastically shakes his hand. )","Durant: Quite an establishment you've got here. I'm only sorry you're closed for the night.","Mickey: Our next show begins at dusk tomorrow.","Sean: Quiet, you daft b*st*rd. This is Thomas \"Doc\" Durant. A private view he'll be having","Durant: Thank you. Ah, how much?","Mickey: That'll be five...","Sean: ( cuts of MICKEY ) Dollars. Going rate for a private show.","( DURANT chuckles but holds out the money. SEAN takes it. )","Sean: Mickey, show time.","( MICKEY flips over a bench and dims the lamps. )","Sean: I have followed your exploits and investments since I got off the boat. How you rose up from nothing, pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. You're a gentleman and a true capitalist. ( lights magic lantern and puts in the first slide )","Durant: Thank you.","Durant: ( peers at image projected ) Hmm. I assume you two are immigrants from this beautiful country?","Mickey: Aye. County Wicklow, to be exact.","Sean: We left our sweet mother and four brothers and set out for the New World to seek our fortune.","Durant: You left a beautiful life to come and wallow in this filth and squalor and muck.","Mickey: Well, it beats starving to death.","Durant: No, but you could have remained in New York or Boston or Chicago. There's plenty of work to be had. Yet you chose to come here. It makes me wonder why.","Sean: Not quite sure what you mean, sir.","Durant: Well, you and thousands like have followed me out here and I'm genuinely curious, why?","Sean: Well, sir...it seemed a proper investment of our time and efforts.","Mickey: That's not it at all. I remember it well, like it was yesterday.","Sean: What are you talking about?","Durant: What is it you remember?","Mickey: ( smiles ) We were just lads, me and Sean. Never been much further afield than the bit a land our father worked, God rest him. And one day, we heard the whistle. ( laughs ) It was the Dublin Special on its daily run. Well, we jumped the steaming b*st*rd. It took us all the way to the city. ( laughs )","Sean: Yes, I remember. I never felt so free.","Durant: The railroad gave you freedom?","Mickey: Aye. And our father gave us the whipping of a lifetime.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EXT. Establishing shot of Hell on Wheels ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO: INT-Church tent ]","( COLE is making coffins surrounded by the bodies of the men that were killed in the massacre. JOSEPH enters and is horrified by the bodies in the tent. COLE looks up and then back at his work. )","Cole: I prayed you'd stay away, my son.","Joseph: This is my home.","Cole: Not a very safe one right now for one born out of the Grace of God.","Joseph: ( confused ) But I'm baptized, Father.","Cole: Yeah, well, that does not always sway the cruel prejudice of others. It's not your fault.","Joseph: ( clearly upset ) But it is. They were from my band. Our Dog Soldiers, they're the ones that did this.","Cole: Your family had nothing to do with this.","Joseph: I recognized the arrows, Father. It was my brother. ( shakes head )","Cole: You must tell no one. Never speak of this again.","Joseph: But it's the truth!","Cole: Never.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ INT. JOSEPH's quarters ]","( JOSEPH cuts his hair using a tiny mirror hanging on a tent post. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EXT. BOHANNON and LILY's camp, the next day ]","( LILY smothers the fire by kicking dirt into the smoldering ashes. She holds the map case and looks up to see BOLAN and two men ride up. She clutches the case. )","Bolan: Well, there you are, kitty cat.","Lily: What do you want?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO: BOHANNON is in the woods smoking a cigar and turns at the sound of voices. He sees BOLAN and LILY. ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO: LILY and BOLAN ]","Bolan: Oh, we want you. We've been searching over hill and dale for the Fair-Haired Maiden of the West. We come to rescue you.","Lily: I'm quite alright.","Bolan: No, you ain't. You barely escaped massacre. You've been held captive. You been sullied by the heathen.","Lily: You are out of order, sir.","Bolan: Listen, you ain't come with us, we ain't get compensated. Oh, yeah, there's a bounty on your head now, one hundred gold eagles.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO: BOHANNON eases his pistol out of the holster. ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO: LILY and BOLAN ]","Bolan: ( to one of the men ) Go ahead. ( The man dismounts and approaches LILY with his pistol drawn. LILY responds by pulling a knife from the map case. )","Bolan: Easy now, girl. You just take it easy.","Lily: Stay back.","Bolan: Easy now.","Lily: Stay back!","Bolan: Now, you're making this a lot more unpleasant than it has to be.","( BOHANNON shoots, calmly taking out the two men with BOLAN. BOLAN shoots back but misses completely. BOHANNON levels his pistol at BOLAN and shoots him in the ear. He walks over and is about to shoot BOLAN again when LILY bolts on horseback. )","Bohannon: ( takes cigar from his mouth ) Mrs. Bell! Dammit.","( He mounts his horse to pursue. )","Bohannon: ( to horse ) Come on!","Bolan: ( clutching the side of his head ) My ear. My...my ear! Where is it?","( BOHANNON catches up to LILY and takes her reigns. )","Bohannon: ( pulling LILY's horse to a stop ) Woah, woah, hold up there.","( LILY dismounts and staggers away from the horses. She falls to her knees and weeps. BOHANNON dismounts and stands awkwardly with the horses. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EXT. Hell on Wheels ]","( It is raining and men are hauling coffins to the makeshift cemetery, where plots have been readied for the coffins. COLE plunges a wooden cross over one of the graves. )","Cole (V.O.): Death's no stranger to this Godforsaken place. Death abides in the hard labor of a rail gang or the searing heat of a prairie fire. Death abides in the bottom of a whiskey bottle or at the smoking end of a gun. There's death by famine, flood, or pestilence or a thousand other ways but, yes brothers, Death abides and he will reap his dark harvest.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EXT. Somewhere outside Hell on Wheels ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO: BOHANNON and LILY ride together, BOHANNON still holding the reigns of LILY's horse. ]","Cole (V.O.): But must we be Death's accomplice? Must we do his bidding?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CUT TO: INT-Church tent ]","( A large crowd has gathered for the memorial for those slain in the massacre. COLE is speaking in front of the crowd. )","Cole: I know that your hearts seek vengeance for the deaths of those men. I know, that but haven't we had our fill of war? Our fill of killing? The shedding of blood? ( picks up small Bible and kisses it ) \"And they will hammer their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nations will not lift up swords against nation and never again will they learn war.\" Never again. It's Isaiah, chapter two, verse four","Durant: ( speaking from second to last row ) \"Wake up the mighty men that all the men of war draw near. Hammer your plowshares into swords and your pruning hooks into spears.\" ( stands ) Joel, chapter three, verse ten. I too am sick of war, Reverend ( moves to the front of the tent ) but we must constantly ask ourselves what are we fighting for?","( EVA is looking at ELAM sadly )","Durant: What is worth laying our lives on the line for? Robert Bell gave his life for this undertaking. This grand idea. And I assure you he did not give his life in vain. For he knew what this railroad would mean to us as a nation. He knew that this railroad is a new birth of freedom. Not just the freedom of long-distance travel but the freedom to chose your fate. The freedom to make your fortunes in this untamed land. And we cannot let that freedom be threatened by ragtag bands of marauding, Stone Age primitives. ( looks towards COLE and JOSEPH ) But that is not to say that there is not a peaceful solution. If they will put down their sticks and stones and come into the fold like-like this young man here, ( walks toward JOSEPH ) then we will talk peace. Look at him, wearing our clothes, ( touches JOSEPH's coat ) speaking our language, washed in the blood of our Savior. If these violent nomads roaming the plains are willing to do as he has done then there is very real hope that we might accomplish our mission peacefully. ( points emphatically ) If not, then they are the authors of their own destruction.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EXT. On the outskirts of Hell on Wheels ]","( LILY and BOHANNON ride past the cemetery. )","Lily: It's been months since I've seen such a...","Bohannon: sh1t hole? Hoah. ( pulls horses to a stop and gives reigns back to LILY ) You be alright from here?","Lily: You're not talking me in?","Bohannon: There's a church and a doctor straight on up ahead. ( wheels his horse to go )","Lily: Wait. What about the bounty?","Bohannon: I told you, I got business to attend to. Cheyenne territory. Got 'bout four hours of daylight left. Gotta move. ( spurs his horse into motion )","Lily: Mr. Bohannon!","( He doesn't even turn to acknowledge her. )"],"Show Title":"Hell on Wheels","Episode Number":"01x03","Episode Title":"A New Birth of Freedom","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"High_Maintenance_04x09.json","Recap":["When a snowstorm hits on Christmas Eve, Pam-Anne joins her sister Destiny and a motley crew of flight attendants at their usual crash pad in Queens. Delayed on his way home to spend the holidays with his family, The Guy celebrates Hanukah in New York."],"Transcript":["WOMAN (OVER PA): Sorry to announcement to passengers on Delta Flight 4251 to Atlanta. The flight has been delayed due to bad weather conditions. The flight crew has arrived at the gate, and the ground crew will be deicing the wings of the aircraft... Here you go. Happy Holidays. Thanks.","WOMAN: Just what I need. Thank you. Here you go. Happy... Oh. Happy Holi... Get a real job. I need a real job, too. Thank you. I said I wouldn't, but that edible really kicked in. I don't get it. I mean, it looks fine outside, but they're saying there's a Nor'easter with a bomb cyclone in New York. Don't say bomb in the airport. I mean, okay, but they're not gonna let us, like, fly out in that, right? I don't know. I don't think you should be reading those weather apps, man. They're trying to sensationalize to draw ad traffic. Yeah. Well, not all of us can just, like, get stoned and check out like you can. Oh yeah.","(MUMBLES): Yeah, yeah, yeah. (SIGHS) You got any more classic quotes from your dad? Um, no, they all sound the same. Yeah, I'm sure they do.","WOMAN (OVER PA): We regret to inform you that American flight 1487 with service to Phoenix Sky Harbor International is canceled. (CROWD GROANING) Hell yeah. Cancel culture wins again. What, you didn't wanna go? I mean, I'm not trying to get on a plane in the first place, let alone one that's going into a bomb cyclone. Well, you just said bomb.","(HUSHED): We gotta stop saying bomb. (PHONE BLOOPS)","Okay, here's the plan. I say we go back to my place in Brooklyn, and that way, you don't have to go all the way back uptown just to come back downtown tomorrow morning. I mean, I can just meet you back here tomorrow, that's also fine. You could just also see my new place, meet my new dog. No? It'll be fun. You're just gonna go to your dorm and spend the night alone? Yeah, hopefully. Come on. We'll go to my place, we'll do a little Hanukkah thing. We'll make latkes. We make matzo ball soup.","ILANA: I don't know. Oh, I know. I like this plan. I like it a latke.","ILANA: Uh-huh. Stop. \u266a Oh, I like latkes, lots of latkes \u266a","(FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)","WOMAN (OVER RADIO): Merry Christmas. It's gonna be...","(INDISTINCT CHATTER)","WOMAN: No, grab all three! She wanted the whole pack.","Hey. DESTINY: Don't pet that cat.","Why? Is it diseased?","DESTINY: (SCOFFS) I can't with you right now. Ladies and gentlemen, please pass the empty baskets back once you're done with them. Thanks so much. Enjoy your day!","(DESTINY GRUMBLING)","(BABY CRYING) (PHONE RINGING)","PAM-ANNE: You need help? DESTINY: Oh.","I got it, I got it, I got it. (BABY CRYING) Aw, hey!","DESTINY: \u00bfHablas ingl\u00e9s? Okay, hi. We have a reservation for four nights starting tonight, but our connecting flight in was canceled due to weather here in New York. We'll be on the first flight tomorrow, but are we out the money we paid for tonight?","(QUIETLY): I would yell. I'm not gonna yell. Why can't we stay in a hotel? Because I pay rent here. And why is it called a crash pad? That's a terrible name. Oh, I don't know. Well, at least I can meet some of your friends. Girl, I don't know these people!","PAM-ANNE: What?","Isn't everybody Delta? DESTINY: Pam, I don't know! Stop!","THE GUY: Your sister visited my last apartment, but you're the first one in the family who's actually ever been here, so welcome. Did you just leave that burning? Oh. No, that's the, uh, the dog-sitter, it looks like. Stupid. Yeah. Okay, that makes two. Can I take your coat? Yeah. Um, did, uh, Dad tell you that Margaret died? No. I'm sorry. She was such a good dog. I know. She was old. She was, like, 16, but it was still definitely sad. Yeah, it happens. (SIGHS) So, this is the house that weed built. This is a carriage house built by a Dutchman in the 1800s, most likely, but I can afford it because it doesn't have a certificate of occupancy, so, shh! Hmm. And you'll be staying here. Mm. No one's ever slept up there. It's fun. I do not know about going up and down this ladder. The ladder's safe. Okay, but you just said no one's slept up there before, so how would you know? I don't know. Uh, yeah. Oh! You know what? I joined this community garden this year. It was a really good summer. I made pickles. I made all these pickles. I grew all of this food. Do you want a pickle? Do you want... Take any one. Um, I don't really do pickles. Well, do you do Judaism? 'Cause that's part of it. And then I got plant world over here. This is money tree. It's hard to kill. Dracaena. I'm even growing some stuff. Check this out. This is a sesame. I just dropped in a f*cking sesame seed.","(DOOR SLAMS, MAN GRUNTS)","ILANA: Cool. Oh!","Hey! You're gonna love this. CHAD: Hello? Here's my little baby! Oh!","(FOMO GROWLS)","(HIGH-PITCHED): Nice to see you!","Ilana, this is Fomo. Hello, Fomo.","THE GUY: Hey. Hey. How are you, my baby? I'm sorry about your flight. Oh, I'm not. It's okay. Uh, Chad, this is Ilana. Ilana, this is Chad. He's my, uh... Chad.","ILANA: Hello. That's nice. Hello.","THE GUY: Yeah. So, you live in Arizona? No, I live, uh, here. Yeah, she's going to Barnard. CHAD: Mm! I know of it. THE GUY: Yeah. Aw, she likes you, Ilana.","CHAD: You like living here? Um, it's fine. (FOMO WHINES) She doesn't really go below 110th Street.","Why would you? ILANA: That's true, yes.","CHAD: Oh, I'm glad I got you here. Um, I have some preemptive concerns about your babies in the closet. Uh, let's... (ILANA CLEARS THROAT) ... talk about that over here. Oh. Okay.","ILANA: So cute. I think you might have spider mites. No... Yeah. This \"mite\" be a problem. (THE GUY CHUCKLES)","THE GUY: Where? CHAD: See what I'm saying? Well, under here, I think these are little webs...","THE GUY: That's impossible, man. I f*cking sprayed it with an insecticide. This isn't supposed to...","CHAD: Okay, I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I think... Hi. These are weed plants. Mm. Cool. Yeah, just keep breaking the law.","THE GUY: Uh... I'm gonna go to the bathroom. It's almost legal, though, truly. Fomo, are you coming with me?","THE GUY (QUIETLY): So, that's my narc side of the family. Her dad is, like, a total f*ckin' narc. He actually told on somebody at the Tom Petty concert for smoking weed. This is your brother? Yeah. Like, during that \"Roll Another Joint\" song, like... What tour was that?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(TRAIN CLATTERING)","They haven't canceled anything tomorrow yet, so maybe. (MAN SHOUTING OVER PHONE)","JENNIE: I don't know, honey. Snow is snow.","MAN: Baby, relax. HOLLY: You know, you're bossy. Merry Christmas. (CHUCKLES) Happy Holidays. Nice spread.","(CHUCKLES) Yes. (CHUCKLES)","MAN (OVER VIDEO): ... of your past, Scrooge.","(MAN SPEAKING IN GERMAN)","HOLLY: No, no. That's not what I said. Pay attention.","(KNOCKS) DESTINY: One second.","PAM-ANNE: Let me in. I don't know anybody here.","DESTINY: I need a minute!","(MAN LAUGHING)","(PACKAGE RUSTLES)","(LAUGHING)","MAN: Hey! Merry Christmas!","Oh, happy Christmas! Happy Christmas! Oh, can I get the opener? Oh, please! Yeah, help yourself! Hey. You guys ready to go? Like this? Are you joking?","D'ANDRE: What? I haven't even showered. I've gotta shave me legs.","LUCY: We'll follow you, okay? Where you guys gonna go? Austin's Ale House.","LUCY: The only place that's open. All right. Have a good night.","LUCY: We can catch up at the airport. No, it's IROP. There's nothing they can do about it. (SIGHS) Oh, I know. Tell her, tell her, I'll be home soon, and Annie May, don't... Some folks are going to a place called Austin's. Okay. We should go! It could be fun! Hey, that's my bed. Sorry.","JENNIE: I was gonna wrap it as soon as I got there. Can you, can you do it? Wrap it and hide it from him? Why you locking up your rings? We don't know who's here. It's New York City.","ROCHELLE: Yeah... (SCOFFS) I'm gonna steal your rings.","JENNIE: ... birthday paper and Christmas paper.","PAM-ANNE: I feel weird being here. Can we please get a hotel room? Or an Airbnb? No, Pam. I'm not spending extra money after I've already paid for this.","DESTINY: Excuse me, do you know if all of these beds are taken? Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry, they are. Okay, well, you can have my bed, and I'll just take the couch. No, you can take the bed. I'll take the couch. You could at least pretend to fight me on that. Damn. I'm gonna need you to be real quiet, ladies. Thank you.","(WHISPERS): I'm freezing... ROCHELLE: Shh!","MARTIN: But don't tell him. LAERKE: You should Google it.","MARTIN: I should... LAERKE: Yeah. No, it's serious. I mean, the system crashed. They wanted to books us like four to five to a room. (SIGHS) f*ck me.","MARTIN: I swear, there were, like, six beds here when I texted. It's fine. (SIGHS) I can sleep on my yoga mat. Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho! I've got some mulled wine for you ladies here. Yes. Here you go. Cinnamon. This is nuts! All the hotels are booked except Trump. What are you finding? I'm still looking.","MARTIN: How about you?","LAERKE: Sicily. Yoga retreat. Oh! That's some Chopped sh1t! I do my best with what I got, honey. Ha, merry Christmas! Mm-hmm, merry Christmas! I'm Pam, and this is my sister Destiny. I'm Cesar. The two of you sisters? That's so cute. Where's your wine? Oh, no, love. I'm sober. But I like to watch. (LAUGHS) I got you. Mm-hmm. So, where were you supposed to be today, Cesar? Oh, I was supposed to fly to Nashville to see my boyfriend, Ephraim, but he got rerouted to Charlotte. It's a whole mess. Aw! Well, maybe you can get there tomorrow. Oh, I don't know, honey, you know? They're talking about winds all night and all morning, and more snow. I-I just don't know. Hey, let me get you some mulled wine. Tell me your name again. JENNIE: No, no, I'm good. Uh, Jennie. I'm Cesar. f*ck it. I'll book the Trump. Don't judge me.","\u266a\u266a ROCHELLE: I dump anything that goes to PSP. Hey, no offense about that. Oh no, f*ck Palm Springs. And he was putting Bailey's in his coffee. Oh no. They did a Breathalyzer right on the jet bridge. Oh, that's so stupid. Austin's is closed. It's the end of the bloody world out there. I love your outfit, my God. Thank you. I like it, too. Ours is so boring. I wish we had something cute like a ribbon. You really trying to tie your hair up in a ribbon every day? Yes. (KALEN LAUGHING)","Hello. WOMAN: You look cute. Good luck to you too. What's in here? It's a bedroom. The lady who owns this apartment. Is she here?","KALEN: I mean, I've been here for a month and I ain't seen her yet. Oh.","THE GUY: Did you see Chernobyl?","ILANA: I did. Really good show. Yeah? It's very crazy that we almost f*cked up, like, almost everything in that one town. I mean, they did f*ck up everything.","THE GUY: Yeah, but it... you know, like, nature still bounced back from Chernobyl, right? We won't survive, but the Earth will. Kind of beautiful, I guess. It's very beautiful.","(TRADITIONAL CHINESE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)","How are those working for you? Um, yeah. I mean, so far so good. It's, like, the best combo they've found for me, so... Great. You do talk therapy with it, too? Um, yeah. I still talk to the woman I was seeing in high school. Really? On the phone. That's very lucky, man. I don't know if I would say I'm lucky. I don't know, man. If I had, like, a f*cking therapist in high school, I would've been... Not a stoner? (INHALES) Uh... Maybe so. This soup is f*ckin' the sh1t. Dude, this soup is f*ckin' awesome, right? I mean, it's fine. I like it. It's just, like, not the best I've ever had. Well, give me top three soups. Go. Um... chicken noodle... Mm-hmm. matzo ball... That's basically chicken noodle, more or less. And then like egg drop, probably. I should've ordered that. Maybe next time. I like a lentil soup. Next time. Lentils make me gassy. Well... you got \"lentil illness\". (LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) I'm sorry. (PHONE BUZZING) Right. Runs in the family. Oh, speaking of, it's your dad.","Hello, Lewis. LEWIS (OVER PHONE): Hi. Stay on the line... Hi, sorry about that.","THE GUY: Uh-huh. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on.","LEWIS: Why are you guys in Brooklyn Heights? I thought you lived in Bedford-Stuyvesant. Wait. Wait, hold on, hold on. Are you... Are you f*cking tracking us, dude? Chill. We're at dinner. Well, I just know you're always on the clock, so I don't know what you're doing. You know, maybe, maybe you're working. No, we're at dinner, dude. Okay, fine. I'm waiting on the phone with the airline, but I found a flight out of Newark at noon tomorrow, which I think I'm just... No, please don't. Please stop. - So, I'm gonna book it, and I suggest you show up three hours early - because I... Dude, no, no, no. Stop, stop. First of all, you lost me at Newark. And second, we can get there five hours early tomorrow, man. It doesn't matter. The weather's all f*cked up. We can't go anywhere. (LEWIS SIGHS) You know, I-I can't say I'm comfortable with you guys staying at your place. Why not? - Are you serious? Do we need to talk about...","(GROANS)","What? I didn't know we were at the Tom Petty concert again. What? Who's Tom Petty? You narced on me, bro.","ILANA: Oh, f*ck! f*ck! THE GUY: Oh, it's okay.","Wait, wait, wait, wait. ILANA: No, oh my God. It happens all the time. No, no, no. I can't.","(PATRONS CHATTERING)","THE GUY: \u266a Don't let the light go out \u266a ILANA: That is not helpful.","THE GUY: \u266a It's lasted for so many years \u266a (ILANA GROANS)","ELLIE: Is that the power out?","It is really coming down out there.","(PAM-ANNE GROANS)","ROCHELLE: Reminds me of spreading my mom's ashes.","(CAMERA CLICKS)","(PHONE BLOOPS)","(MUFFLED CHATTER)","(ZIPPING)","(CHATTER, LAUGHTER) (KNOCKING SOFTLY)","D'ANDRE: I did not believe in Santa Claus.","We're Muslim, but, in all fairness, my mom put up a tree, a little, small, little tree, little Charlie Brown little... woo... Oh! My family is super Catholic and super strict. I don't know them anymore. But we always had a huge tree, and I would love to go to Christmas Eve service.","JENNIE: Mm. Mm-hmm. I go to Hillsong... Isn't that the Justin Bieber church? Yes. He came to service once. KALEN: I don't \"belieb\". But... but, I-I'm a Christian. I'm on the path, but I don't respect what your family did to you, and I don't respect how people are treating you. God is God. Christians in the US, they don't believe in, um, science, right? Science was my favorite subject in school. (LAUGHS) Um, I just don't really talk about it with Caleb very much 'cause it's... he's very, um... But climate change is not a hoax. We are killing the planet. Girl, it's crazy. We've got, like, what? Maybe 30 years left? I think 20s. (MURMURING)","JENNIE: Yeah, and he eventually wants to have, like, several children, and I'm just, like... CESAR: What? ... I don't know how you could wanna bring a child into this world the way things are going.","HOLLY: The f*ck I'm bringin' a baby into this shite!","CESAR: Thank you. KALEN: That's right. I mean, you basically enlisting your child into the water wars. Nah, forget that. This world is f*cked. Yeah.","MAN: I am so glad I'm not a young person.","PAM-ANNE (SQUEALS): sh1t! (CHATTERING STOPS) I think I got it!","(EXCITED CHATTERING) MAN: I've got dibs on the bed.","KALEN: Working over there the whole time! I was wondering what happened to her. Y'all not gonna have that lady mad... Wait, wait, wait.","(DOOR CREAKING)","(SCREAMING) What is that?!","HOLLY: Is that a doll? CESAR: That is some... There we go! Look at that.","(EXCITED CHATTER)","This is nice! CESAR: What is that?","(INDISTINCT CHATTER)","CESAR: Girl, we don't want your soup.","[SCENE_BREAK]","THE GUY AND ILANA: \u266a Baruch atah Adonai \u266a","\u266a Eloheinu melech ha'olam... \u266a I'm gonna go low. (IN BASS): \u266a Asher kid'shanu \u266a","(ILANA LAUGHS)","BOTH: \u266a B'mitzvotav \u266a","\u266a V'tzivanu l'hadlik ner \u266a \u266a Shel Hanukkah \u266a \u266a Amen \u266a \u266a Let's eat donuts \u266a (LAUGHS) I feel like we should wait 'cause what if we leave tomorrow... Well, we might just have to eat donuts tomorrow, too. Come sit soft. Do you know that term, \"sit soft\"? ILANA: Yeah. Hey, bud.","THE GUY: You don't want yours? Um... no. I'm okay. You were in NFTY, right? Yeah. And is it still just a... Jewish hookup venue? Um... (LAUGHS) I mean, NFTY wasn't that necessarily, but Birthright definitely was, like, just that. Wow. Did you? Me? No. No. No? No. You know, I was supposed to go on Birthright. Really? Did you... Why didn't you? I don't know, man. That plane ride, the politics. You keep in touch with your friends from NFTY? Uh, I didn't make any friends at NFTY. I just went 'cause my mom and dad said I had to. Yeah. What about your friends from school? Um... Do you still talk to them on, like, Instagram or whatever? I don't use social media. Really? That's impressive. I mean, I feel like I'm, like, messed up enough already, and social media would just make it worse. You're not messed up. I-I have accepted that I am, and it's just, like, something that runs in our family. It just sucks that I got stuck with the Uncle Jonah gene. Oh, I thought I got stuck with the Uncle Jonah gene. I think it's kind of bullshit, man. Like, any time any person in the Mann family is going through a hard time... and all of a sudden, there's this boogeyman of Uncle Jonah and his mental illness that hangs over us and it makes us feel like what we're feeling is wrong. Yeah. Everyone just says that I remind them of him. I want you to eat that donut.","(LAUGHS)","I'll take a donut. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. I just... I feel like my parents are scared of me, and I don't even know what they would be scared of, but, eh... Here's what I found in the past 15 years, since I've been gone. Is that all of the people that our family said was weird, or, like, f*cked up, are just kind of normal people, and they just don't match with our family's version of normal. You know? Yeah. Yeah. They're very judgy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Yeah. Why do you think I said I worked at Vimeo for all those years? Did you not? No! (ILANA LAUGHS) No. I had a client who I used to deliver to who worked there, and I thought the building was cool, but no. And guess what? I'm f*ckin' good. I'm happy. I really like what's going on. (SIGHS) Until I tell anything about my actual life to those people, and then I'm made to feel like I'm not fine, and I'm told that I'm not fine. Yeah, I can relate to that. Yeah, I'm sure. But you know what? There's nothing wrong with us. We're not broken, and we don't need to be fixed. We're all just, just trying to maintain, and we each got our own way of doin' it. This is the most Hanukkah-Hanukkah I've ever had. Look at all these f*cking candles. It's like way too much Hanukkah. \"The Festival of Lights\". (LAUGHS) You ever listen to Adam Sandler? I just love that song. Like, he doesn't have anything else... Hmm. ... but he's so proud of his drumming... Mm. ... and they love his song.","PAM-ANNE: Yeah. Are you tearing up over \"Little Drummer Boy\"? That's sweet. (HUMMING \"SILENT NIGHT\")","PAM-ANNE: Come on, it's Christmas. She loves it. I just feel like if you're gonna meet Jesus, you know, learn how to play a lute or something. \u266a All is calm \u266a \u266a All is... \u266a (HUMS)","PAM-ANNE: Friends! (LAUGHING) Can I just say thank you for letting me crash at your crash pad. I know I'm not one of you guys, but I just wanna say that if I'm ever on any one of your flights, then maybe you can hook a sister up?","(ALL LAUGHING)","Okay, it's still $20 for me. (LAUGHTER, CHATTER) I need money.","PAM-ANNE: We were trying not to do Christmas this year. My daughter, she's studying abroad. My... husband's not my husband anymore. Oh, I'm sorry. And Destiny never does anything nice for herself, so we said, why don't we go snorkel?","SYD: Yes! Go snorkel, bitch! (MURMURING APPROVAL)","MAN: Water wings on, girl.","CESAR: Don't scuba. So, God willing... - Inshallah... (LAUGHTER) 'Cause you're Muslim. ... we will be on a plane tomorrow and go see about some fish. Yes! Woo!","KALEN: I'll drink to that. HOLLY: Happy Christmas. And I am gonna go see about a man! (LAUGHTER) You didn't say that!","You didn't say that. MARTIN: He lives there? He runs a diving school.","(EXCITED MURMURING) KALEN: He got money. He got money. I'm sorry, what? (CHATTERING STOPS) What? We met on Instagram. We've been DMing for a few months. Is that why you wanted to go on this trip? So you can meet some guy from Instagram? Uh...","What did I do? CESAR: Nothing. People get jealous when other people are having s*x. It happens to me all the time. You know, I watched something, right, about these men, and they... and they claim to be veterans, and they, and they screw lonely women out of all their money.","LUCY: Yeah, I saw that. You'll be snorkeling for catfish if you're not careful. (LAUGHS) I'm only messing! But he didn't ask you for any gift cards or anything, did he?","ROCHELLE: 'Cause that's a sign of a scam. (MURMURING)","(NOISY CHATTER, LAUGHTER)","(CANS CLATTERING)","CESAR: Oh my God... HOLY: sh1t!","LUCY: Water? That's okay.","Water?","PAM-ANNE: Who's he? ELLIE: I don't know. He just walked in and asked me for a coffee. That's my bed. Oh... Trash?","(CANS RATTLING)","(DOOR CREAKS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(PHONE BLOOPS)","(INHALES)","(EXHALES)","(PHONE BLOOPS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(CHUCKLES)","Okay.","(DOOR OPENS)","(RUNNING FOOTSTEPS) Hello? I'm sorry, I don't have a place to go.","Shh! (WHISPERING): Oh, uh... I don't have a place to go because when you said I could stay here, then I sublet my room. I would hate to, like, put him out. It's okay. I just don't want to interrupt on your family time. Ah, it's fine. Thank you. Merry Christmas. Holly jolly. Hm, hm, hm. (COUGH) So, you got a flight tomorrow or something? (INHALES) No. We couldn't get one, so we're gonna leave in a couple days, but you can still stay here. Thank you.","(SIGHS)","I don't wanna go. So don't go. (THE GUY SNORTS) Hmm. I guess I could do anything.","CHAD: Sure.","CORA: \u266a We make joy \u266a \u266a Now, in this fest \u266a \u266a In quo... \u266a \u266a Jesus \u266a \u266a Natus est... \u266a Oh, no. I can't sing that one with you. Oh! Aya! (LAUGHING) Medieval. Medieval.","DESTINY: Hi. Merry Christmas.","DESTINY: Merry Christmas. Thanks for the cigarette.","CORA: Oh, better you than me. (PAM-ANNE LAUGHS) Look, if you burn this building down... I'm not gonna burn the building down. It's too cold out. Where'd you get that coat, and that hat? Upstairs. Okay, well, we need to get that back up there.","(SIGHS)","I'm sorry I didn't tell you about him. It's okay. I'm sorry I reacted that way. It's just, uh, (SIGHS)... It's been hard. I know. It's been real hard. I'm having a hard time. And it's Christmas. I know. You should meet him. (CHUCKLES) No. I probably shouldn't. And he did get a gift card out of me. He's not the reason why I was excited about the trip. I'm pregnant. What? When did you find out? (SIGHS) Just now. I just took the test. Oh my God!","Shh! (LAUGHING): Yes! God, I didn't know you were trying! Well, we weren't really. (LAUGHS) I'm so happy for you!","(LAUGHS)","I'll have to stop working. Good! You work too much. And they were all talking about bringing babies into the world and how everything's about to be on fire... Oh, honey, burn up with that baby.","(LAUGHING)","So, did you tell Kirk? No, I'll... I'll call him in the morning. Wait. You told me first?","(SIGHS)","Wow. (LAUGHS) This is such an exciting time. When you first find out, it's...","(HYDRAULIC HISSING) (SCREAMING)","Jesus! Okay, wait! (\"JINGLE BELLS\" PLAYING) See? I just, uh... Oh! My nerves...","(SIGHS) DESTINY: I can't with this building. I need to get out of here. SANTA: Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!","THE GUY: Okay, okay, okay. All right, all right, all right, I did it. I gave up my seat. Told them I'm having a personal emergency, so, you know, the truth. Someone is absolutely gonna call me out for this vest. Dude, it's kosher. She's registered to you. All right. Don't stress. I mean, I'm stressed that you haven't picked anywhere yet. That's part of the fun.","(MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA)","Oh, what about Tokyo? It's pretty cold there. I feel like you'd need to buy, like, way warmer clothes than you brought. Yeah, I think I want somewhere warm. Yeah. Uh, I mean, you should definitely stay somewhere south of the equator then.","(GASPS)","New Zealand! Mordor! Wow. That's awesome. Okay, this is a very expensive and long 30-hour trip. Just do it. You know what? Thirty-hour trip. I will give you some Klonopin, and then you can watch, like, 20 movies, or however f*cking long that is, and eat some Chex Mix, and then at the end of the 20 movies, you'll be there. Okay. Here you go. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna get on the next flight to Auckland. You should do it. Yeah. Yeah. Aw yeah.","MAN (OVER PA): Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. At this time, we'll begin boarding American flight... All right, baby. Come on, Fomo. THE GUY: Let's go. Good girl!","(ANNOUNCEMENT CONTINUES INDISTINCT)","Well, baby. (SIGHS) Have fun out there. It's just gonna be a couple weeks, okay? You're gonna see her again. I know. I'm just getting used to this joint custody thing. Take care of that eye, please, 'cause if that eye goes... Yes. ... it's all over. Right. Fair enough. I had fun. That was fun. (FOMO WHINES) Yeah, it was. (BARKING) Aw, you ready to go, girl? Don't you forget about me. Don't, don't, don't. Well, thank you for this, seriously. For real, thanks. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'll talk to you. All right, Fomo. Okay. Bye, Uncle Rufus. Bye, Ilana. Come on. Bye, Fomo.","(MAN SPEAKING OVER PA INDISTINCTLY)","We are now inviting those passengers with small children and any passengers requiring...","(SIGHS)","Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately 10 minutes' time. Thank you.","(\"STATE OF INDEPENDENCE\" BY JON & VANGELIS PLAYING)","[SCENE_BREAK]","\u266a State of life, may I live? May I love? \u266a \u266a Coming out the sky, I name me a name \u266a \u266a Coming out silver word for what it is \u266a \u266a It is the very nature of the sound the game \u266a \u266a Siamese, Indionese, to Tibet \u266a \u266a Treat the life as a game if you please \u266a \u266a Hey \u266a \u266a Coming up, Carabi, sense of freedom \u266a \u266a Derives from a meditative state \u266a \u266a Moving on, believe, that's it, call it magic \u266a \u266a Third world it is, I only guessed it \u266a \u266a Shablam idi, shablam Ida \u266a \u266a Shablam idi, shablam Ida \u266a \u266a Shablam idi, shablam Ida \u266a \u266a Shot to the soul, the flame of Oroladin \u266a \u266a The essence of the word, the state of independence \u266a \u266a Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... \u266a"],"Show Title":"High Maintenance","Episode Number":"04x09","Episode Title":"Soup","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"How_I_Met_Your_Mother_01x19.json","Recap":["Robin invites the group to an awards banquet in which she is being honored for her newscasts. At the banquet, Barney convinces Ted that his date is actually a prostitute that he hired, while Ted also struggles with seeing Robin with her co-worker."],"Transcript":["[In 2006, 3 months earlier, at the Bar]","Ted: Her favorite CD in the Otis Redding box set? Disc three. My favorite? Any guesses? Anyone? Come on. Disc three! God, Victoria's so amazing! I could talk about her for hours.","Lily: What do you mean \"could\"?","Ted: I'm sorry, it's just... God, I... I'm crazy about this girl. It feels like maybe... I don't want to say it.","Barney: Trust that impulse, Ted.","Robin: Hey. Something kind of cool just happened. My story on Pickles, the Singing Dog, just got nominated for a Local Area Media Award.","Lily: A... LAME-A?","Robin: We prefer Local Area Media Award. Um... there's going to be this big banquet. I know these things aren't much fun, but it would really mean a lot to me if you guys came. And there's an open bar.","All: Yes! Word up!","Ted: Yeah, put me down for two.","Robin: Really? It's three months away.","Ted: I know, but... guys, I'm sorry, I'm going to say it. I have a feeling Victoria's going to be around for a long time.","[3 months later, at the Bar]","Ted: I'm going to miss Victoria. I should just skip this thing entirely. Robin's still pissed at me after... you know.","Barney: You lied and said you were broken up with Victoria before you actually were so you could try to nail Robin and you wound up losing both girls in one night?","Ted: Yes, that's what I meant by \"you know.\" I haven't seen her in three weeks. She won't return my calls. Look, I shouldn't go.","Marshall: You should definitely go. Look, it's a chance to show her you're still friends and that you support her.","Barney: Or it's a chance to mess with her head by showing up with someone hotter. Even better, triple threat-- hotter and bigger boobs.","Ted: That's only two.","Barney: Count again.","Ted: Barney, I'm not bringing a date. Even if I wanted to, the thing's in two hours.","Barney: So get an escort.","Ted: By \"escort,\" you mean prostitute?","Barney: Why not?","Ted: Because... gross?","Barney: Oh, gross. What, you have some puritanical hang-up about prostitution? Dude, it's the world's oldest profession.","Marshall: You really think that's true?","Barney: Oh, yeah. I bet even Cro-Magnons used to give cave hookers, like, an extra fish for putting out.","Marshall: Aha, so then the oldest profession would be fishermen. Kaboom! You've been lawyered.","Barney: Come on, Ted, let's get you a hooker. It'll be fun.","Ted: Okay, to bring to the banquet and hang out with ironically or to actually have s*x with?","Barney: Yes.","Ted: No! It's illegal. And did I mention gross?","Barney: That's adorable. Ted, you're such a hayseed. The companionship business is the growth industry of the 21st century. You do realize that one out of every eight adult women in America is a prostitute.","Marshall: You just made that up.","Barney: Withdrawn.","Marshall: Lawyered. The point is, how long has it been?","Ted: 57 days.","Barney: Is that your water? May I?","Ted: Yeah, go ahead.","Barney: Much obliged. 57 days?! Ted, you are in a slump.","Ted: No, it's not a slump. It's an intentional hiatus from girls. A slump is when you strike out every time you step up to the plate. But I'm off the roster, baby. I'm in the locker room sitting in the whirlpool. And I'll tell you something, it feels pretty good.","Barney: Yeah, you know what else is in that locker room? A naked dudes hanging brain. Ted, you need a lady. And I've got the next best thing-- Mary. She lives in my building. She's smart, she's hot, she's totally cool.","Ted: Oh, she sounds great. And who knows? Maybe we'll wind up getting married someday. You know, if we can get a blessing from her pimp.","Barney: You want to judge a fellow human being based solely on one external characteristic? That's racism. And I do not drink with racists. Good day.","Ted: You're just waiting for me to speak, so you can...","Barney: I said good day!","At the appartment","Robin: So should I wear my hair up or down? Lily.","Lily: What?","Robin: You okay?","Lily: Oh, yeah, sorry. I'm just exhausted from work. The stupid school board took away nap time in all kindergarten classes and now the kids are just going crazy by the end of the day. It's much harder to deal with because, well, I don't get my nap.","Robin: Wait, you were taking naps when the kids were? Is that safe?","Lily: Well, they're only five. What are they gonna do to me?","Robin: Ted's still coming to this thing, right?","Lily: Yep.","Robin: Do you think, um... hypothetically... it would be weird if I bring a date?","Lily: Look at you, Scherbotsky, blatantly trying to make Ted jealous.","Robin: No, it's just this guy at the station. I never get involved with co-workers, but he asked me and I said yes. Is it going to be weird?","Lily: No, it's not going to be weird at all. (Lily's on the phone with Marshall) Robin's bringing a date.","Marshall: Boy. That's going to be really weird.","Lily: I know.","The Bar","Marshall: Robin's bringing a date.","Ted: Oh. Okay. That's not weird. She's bringing a date. I'm glad she's moving on.","Marshall: Dude, it's going to be weird.","Ted: No, it's fine. Look, in spite of whatever happened between us, Robin and I are still friends. I don't think it'll be weird.","Barney: Yeah, it won't be weird.","Ted: Thank you.","Barney: Because you're going to bring your own date.","Woman: Hello, Barney.","Barney: Hi, Mary. Have you met Ted?","Mary: Nice to meet you Ted.","Ted: Hi, Mary. Wow. It's, uh, nice to meet you, too.","Mary: So we're going to an award show?","Ted: Uh, yeah, will you just excuse us for one minute? Barney.","Barney: See you in two shakes, Mare. You two make yourselves comfortable.","Ted: What the hell?","Barney: Dude, your narrow-minded views on professional fornicators were harshing my mellow. So I got you a date for the evening.","Ted: You got me a hooker. A really hot hook-- A hooker!","Barney: Think about it, this is perfect. A: it will make Robin insanely jealous... B: you get to have s*x with her... and C: maybe by getting to know Mary, you'll come to see that courtesans are people, too. And D: \"B\" all night long.","Ted: I'm not taking a prostitute to Robin's banquet.","Barney: The only people who will know are you, me and Marshall. No one will suspect a thing. They'll just see you with this unbelievably smoking hot girl and... Okay, that's a little bit suspicious. Look, I'm just trying to expand your horizons a little bit tonight. But if you're not interested, fine, I'm out 500 bucks. Whatever.","Ted: 500 bucks?","Barney: Ted, you're my cabron. You think I'm gonna stick you with some toothless tranny from the Port Authority? Look at how hot she is. Robin would be so jealous.","Ted: I'm not trying to make Robin jealous, Barney. Look, I... tell Mary, thanks, but no thanks. I have a soul.","Ted from 2030: And then your Uncle Marhsall and I had one of our famous telepathic conversations.","Marshall: Check out Robin's date.","Ted: I know.","Marshall: Is that who I think it is?","Ted: Yep. It's Sandy Rivers.","Ted from 2030: Sandy Rivers was the face of Metro News One, the most low-budget cable news network ever.","[FLASHBACK]","Ted: Sandy time. Sandy time!","Ted from 2030: He was best known for his morning segment \"In Today's Paper,\" during which he literally flipped through today's papers, reading them aloud to viewers.","Sandy: Here we have, on the front page, a story about a... I guess, a guy in a superhero costume climbing the Empire State Building. Looks interesting.","Ted from 2030: These idiotic filler pieces were a guilty pleasure of ours.","Ted: Which Sandy do we want today? French Sandy, p0rn star Sandy...?","Marshall: Yosemite Sandy, definitely.","Ted: Excellent choice. I love this guy.","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Ted: I hate this guy.","Lily: Hey.","Mary: Hi.","Lily: I'm Lily.","Mary: Hi. Mary. It's nice to meet you.","Marshall: Mary is a friend of Barney's. Barney invited her. Just met Mary ourselves. Don't know too much about Mary. Look, a beer.","Ted: Hey.","Robin: Hi.","Ted: You look nice.","Robin: Oh, um, Ted, this is Sandy.","Sandy: Hi. Sandy Rivers. Use my full name. People get a kick out of it.","Ted: Hi, Sandy. Rivers. So are you two, uh...","Sandy: Starting a bunch of office rumors? Looks that way. Looks that way.","Ted: Oh, how rude of me. Uh, Robin, Sandy... Rivers... this is Mary, my date.","At the ceremony","Voice: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 45th annual Local Area Media Awards. Please say hello to our host for the evening, king of the Saturday Afternoon Kung Fu Movie, Vampire Lou!","Vampire Lou: Tonight we celebrate the very best in broadcasting and the triumph of the human spirit.","Marshall: Man, Vampire Lou just looks great.","Ted: I can't believe I'm on a date with a hooker.","Marshall: Yeah, I can't believe you let her and Lily go to the ladies' room together, man. Secrets come out in there.","Barney: Oh, please. How's it's going to come out? \"Uh, pass me a towel. P.S., I have s*x for money.\"","Lily: Who has s*x for money?","Marshall: Nobody. What did you guys talk about in there? Anything interesting?","Lily: No, not really. We just chitchatted and I borrowed her lipstick. Why is Vampire Lou the host of a Saturday Afternoon Kung Fu Movie? You know, it just makes no sense. God, that pisses me off.","Ted: Lily, you okay?","Lily: Oh, yeah, I'm just tired. And when I get tired, I get cranky.","Sandy: Really? I couldn't imagine you cranky.","Lily: \"Really? I couldn't imagine you cranky.\"","Mary: Wow. Why are you so tired?","Lily: Well, I teach kindergarten and the school board took away my nap time, the kids' nap time.","Barney: Lily, quit your job. Work at a private school. You won't have to deal with the school board, and you'll make a ton more money.","Lily: Well, guess what, Barney? I don't base all my life decisions on how much money I'm going to make, unlike you and, sadly, my fiance.","Marshall: Well, it's just an internship, for the record.","Lily: Yeah, because if I did sacrifice all my values just for an easy buck, what would that make me?","Mary: A prostitute.","Lily: Exactly. Thank you, Mary.","Robin: So, Mary, what do you do for a living?","Barney: She's a paralegal.","Mary: Yes, I'm a paralegal.","Robin: Oh, so, Mary the paralegal. What does a paralegal do exactly?","Mary: I just assist with day-to-day clerical work in a law firm downtown.","Lily: Oh, what firm?","Mary: Douglas, O'Halloran and Stamp.","Marshall: That's a real law firm.","Mary: I know.","Marshall: Nice.","Ted: You're pretty good on your feet.","Mary: Are you flirting with me?","Ted: Is that allowed?","Mary: Yes, it's encouraged.","Ted: You know, I wouldn't normally say this on a first date, but... well, considering... I'm just going to say it. You are so hot!","Mary: Well, thank you.","Ted: You're welcome.","Robin: Mary, Ted is a great guy. You hold on to him. Don't let him out of your sight for a minute.","Ted: So, Sandy, what do you do? Oh, wait, I know what you do. You're the guy who reads the paper in the morning.","Sandy: You got me. What do you do, Ted?","Ted: Oh, same thing as you-- I read the paper every morning. But then after that, I finish my coffee and I go to my real job as an architect where I make an actual contribution to the world. I'm just kidding. Love your show. You're terrific.","Sandy: Thanks. I never tire of hearing that.","Mary: Hey, you know that scene in Empire where they lower the helmet onto Darth Vader's head? Do you think that's how Sandy puts his hair on in the morning?","Ted: You just insulted someone I hate by referencing something I love. Damn, you just got even hotter.","Ted from 2030: And so, as the night wore on, I started to realize, this girl, despite what she did for a living, was kind of great.","Ted: Hey.","Robin: Hey. Mary seems nice. Have you kissed her yet, or are you waiting until you're in a serious relationship with someone else?","Ted: I, uh... I wanted to apologize for everything that happened.","Robin: And just like that, it's all okay. Roll credits.","Ted: So you're going to be mad at me forever? What, we're not even friends now?","Robin: We're still friends.","Ted: Are we? You don't return my calls, we never hang out and now you're trying to make my jealous by waving Edward R. Moron in my face?","Robin: Oh, and Paralegally Blonde isn't here in her low-cut dress to make me jealous?","Ted: Oh, so now she's a whore?","Robin: What?","Ted: You know something? Mary the paralegal is awesome. And you know what else? I didn't come here tonight to make you jealous, I came here to support you as a friend. And frankly, I'm sick of trying.","Sandy: I like that guy.","Ted: Hey.","Sandy: Hey. What were you guys talking about over there?","Ted: Oh, I was, uh, just telling my friend that I think you're awesome.","Sandy: Well, thanks. You know, this is one of the nicer hotels I've ever been in.","Ted: Oh, yeah, my friend did the remodel. You should see the rooms. The views are amazing.","Mary: Yeah? Maybe it's too bad we don't have a room.","Barney: Room 1506. My treat. You kids go nuts. Actually, don't use the mini-bar. Do it. Come on, Ted, do it. This is one of those things you have to do before you turn 30.","Ted: Sleep with a prostitute?","Barney: No, lose your virginity. What up. Statistic-- men who have had at least one relationship with a prostitute are 75% more likely to have success in future relationships.","Marshall: You just made that up.","Barney: Withdrawn.","Marshall: Lawyered. Okay, three things. First of all, Robin's category's almost up. And second of all, you cannot do this. It's wrong on every level. And third, I've been placing small items in Sandy's hair all night. He still hasn't noticed.","Ted: I know I can't do this. I'm not doing this. It's just... it's a shame. She's really cool.","Marshall: Yeah, well... there we go.","Vampire Lou: Scooter \"Bam-Bam\" Branson for A Bicycle-- Joyride or Deathtrap? Mike Murphy for 13, Pregnant and Addicted. And Robin Scherbotsky for Pickles, the Singing Dog. And the winner is... Robin Scherbotsky.","Robin: Thanks. Oh, wow. This is really a surprise. Um, you know it's nice to be able to share this award with my friends. They're all here tonight. Marshall, Lily, Sandy Rivers... Barney... And that's it. Those are all my friends. Thank you.","Marshall: Congratulations.","Robin: Oh, thanks. Um, Sandy, do you want to get a cab?","Sandy: Sure. Let's go.","Ted: Yeah, this party's dead. Mary, you want to go upstairs? We, uh, got a room.","Marshall: Dude, what are you doing?","Ted: What's it look like?","Marshall: It looks bad, is what it looks like. You cannot do this.","Ted: Marshall, she is a really cool girl when you get to know her. Besides, I'm trying to make Robin jealous.","Marshall: Oh, that's real mature.","Lily: Marshall, what is up with you and Ted?","Marshall: Nothing, baby. Don't worry about it. Fine. Do what you want. Hey.","Mary: Should we go?","Ted: Yeah. Thanks. Well... Good night.","Robin: Good night.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In the elevator","Ted: So, did you and Barney ever...?","Mary: There's not enough money in the world.","Ted: Oh, thank God.","Marshall: Wow, so they're...? Robin, where's Sandy Rivers?","Robin: I put him in a cab.","Barney: So you and he aren't...?","Robin: I don't date people I work with. I was just trying to make Ted jealous. Is he...?","Marshall: He's off trying to make you jealous.","Robin: Oh, well, good for them. And, you know, if Ted likes her, she's probably pretty cool.","Marshall: Lily, I know you're asleep, but I have to tell someone this, and we tell each other everything. So, here it goes. Mary's not a paralegal. She's a prostitute.","Lily, waking up: Mary's a prostitute?","Robin: What?!","Marshall: Barney paid for her.","Lily: Is that true?","Marshall: We were having a conversation about prostitution, and then Barney calls her up and then she shows up at the bar and now she and Ted are upstairs.","Robin: Okay, seriously, what is going on with Ted lately? Is he having a nervous breakdown?","Lily: You know, Barney, for anyone else, this would be a new low, but sadly, for you, it's just a new middle. Oh, my God, I used her lipstick! Ah!","Marshall: That's her napkin.","Lily: No!","Barney: Okay, well, I guess now is as good a time as any. In keeping with tonight's award show motif, I'd like to announce this evening's big twist ending! Vampire Lou, would you do the honors?","Vampire Lou: \"Mary's not really a prostitute.\"","Marshall: What?","Barney: That's all, Vampire Lou. Nicely done.","Marshall: So she's not...?","Barney: No. Mary's just a paralegal who lives in my building. Oh-- ha-ha! And here's the best part-- she has no idea that Ted thinks she's a hooker. Oh, come on. If you don't laugh, it just seems mean.","In the hall of the hotel","Ted: I feel kind of like Richard Gere.","Mary: Not shy about your looks, are you?","Ted: No. You know, Mary, I've never done this before.","Mary: Done what?","Ted: You know, been... on a \"date.\"","Mary: Yeah, right. Wait, you're kidding, right?","Ted: No. Why, is that so odd?","Mary: Well, Ted, I mean, I've been going on dates since I was 15.","Ted: God, you were just a kid. Well, look, let's just have a few drinks. We'll relax and...","Mary: Yeah, that sounds great. I had clients riding me all day long.","Ted: Must be tough.","Mary: Yeah. I mean, this one guy just wouldn't leave me alone. I mean, talk about a**l. Well, here we are.","Ted: Okay, look, Mary, I like you a lot. I'm sort of amazed at how much I like you, but I can't do this. You're a hooker.","Mary: What?","Ted: Look, maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I'm sorry, that's a deal-breaker for me. I'm not going to have s*x with a prostitute.","Mary: No... Ted, I'm a paralegal.","Ted: Come on, Mary, there's no one else around. You're a hooker.","Mary: No, Ted... I'm a paralegal.","Ted: No, you're a hooker.","Mary: No, I'm a paralegal.","Ted: You're a paralegal.","The Bar","Ted: That was not funny.","Marshall: Not funny, dude.","Barney: I know, it was hilarious.","Ted: Why would you do that?","Barney: I did it to prove a point.","Ted: What point?","Barney: Stay with me. It's going to come to me. No. Ah, okay, here's the point. You thought that Mary was a sure thing, right? So what happened? She took you up to a hotel room on the first date. All you have to do is be that confident with every girl you meet and your slump is over.","Ted: So the message is, I should treat every woman like a whore?","Barney: Come on, dude, you should be thanking me.","Ted: She slapped me and stormed off.","Barney: Can you blame her? You called her a hooker.","Marshall: I'm sorry, dude, it was funny.","Ted: Yeah. Well, it's getting late. I should get back to my room.","Barney: Your room?","Ted: Yeah, that really expensive hotel room you put on your credit card-- never checked out. By the way, you know what's super fun? Pouring Dom Perignon down a bathtub drain. Well, it's almost 3:00. Got a massage. Toodles.","(Ted leaves)","Marshall: Come on, if you don't laugh, it just seems mean."],"Show Title":"How I Met Your Mother","Episode Number":"01x19","Episode Title":"Mary the Paralegal","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"How_I_Met_Your_Mother_01x21.json","Recap":["The matchmaking service finally returns with a match for Ted, but he puts his date with his \"perfect woman\" on hold as he decides whether or not he still has feelings for Robin. At the office, Barney enlists Marshall's help to prank a man who works in the building across the street. Meanwhile, Lily applies for an art fellowship in San Francisco without telling Marshall, even though it could ruin their wedding plans."],"Transcript":["Ted from 2030: Kids, life is a dark road. You never really know what's up ahead. One night you're cruising along enjoying the ride, and then all of a sudden, you're 28.","At the Bar","Waitress: And for the birthday boy, lasagna.","Ted: Thank you.","Waitress: Careful. The plate is very hot.","Ted: 'Kay. Oh, go on, touch it.","Lily: Ah! Sweet damn, that's a hot plate.","Ted: All right, so, Barney, are you doing this or what?","Robin: Oh, geez, Barney, don't do this.","Barney: I have to, it's my birthday present to Ted.","Marshall: You don't have to. Please, it's going to be embarrassing and we're going to have to stop coming here, which will suck... in addition to probably being kind of healthy.","Ted: Come on, Marshall, it's the greatest pickup line of all time. Barney.","Marshall: Oy, gevalt.","Barney: Ah... Happy birthday, Ted.","Ted: Whoo-hoo!","(Barney stands up and approaches a woman)","Barney: Uh, excuse me, has anyone ever told y... Oh, my God.","Woman: What?","Barney: Oh! Call an ambulance!","Woman: What's going on?","Barney: Try not to speak. Here, sit down. Just don't talk, don't talk.","Waitress: Is she okay?","Barney: I'm serious, call 911.","Woman: What's wrong? What's the matter?","Barney: Shh! Shh! Just don't move. Don't move. Just try... Here, have some water. Water! Here, drink this. Shh! Shh!","Robin: You know, the more I watch this, the less convinced I am that it's the greatest pickup line of all time.","Ted: Wait for it.","Lily: 28. Two more 'til the big one, three-oh.","Ted from 2030: Actually, my 30th birthday wasn't so bad. Well, except for the goat in my bathroom. Which is a great story. But I'll get to that later.","Lily: Still, you know, another year older. Still single. You don't hear your Tedological clock ticking?","Ted: Nope. I hit the snooze button.","Robin: And here come the paramedics.","Barney: Oh, thank God, you're here.","Paramedic: What is going on?!","Barney: I think there might be some internal bleeding. Probably some fractures. We got to get her to the hospital.","Woman: What are you talking about?","Barney: You've had a terrible fall.","Woman: No, I haven't.","Barney: Really? 'Cause I could swear you fell straight out of heaven. Angel... Give him your number. What? Give him your number. What?","All: Give him your number.","Barney: Come on, guys, you're embarrassing me.","All: Give him your number.","Barney: What are you...? Come on. They're not going to stop 'til you give me your number.","Woman: All right!","Barney: It works!","Marshall: I cannot believe that she gave him her number.","Robin: Maybe she really does have a brain injury.","Barney: Thank you, everyone. Thank you, everyone. It's been fun. It's Wendy the waitress. Tip her well. Thanks a lot, guys. Troilus and Cressida. Neighborhood Playhouse. Check them out, they're good.","Ted: I realize why I'm still single. I'm picky. I'm not going to settle. If I'm going to marry someone, she has to be perfect.","Lily: Well, what's perfect?","Ted: It's not like I have a list.","Robin: Oh, yes, you do.","Ted: Attractive, college-educated, she wants two kids-- a boy and a girl...","Lily: That's not hard. I know at least...","Ted: I'm not done. She likes dogs, Otis Redding, does the crossword. She's into sports, but not so much so that her legs are, like, more muscular than mine. That weirds me out. And she plays bass guitar like Kim Deal from the Pixies.","Marshall: Or Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth.","Ted: Any Kim from any cool band, really. Can't be too picky.","Lily: You're never going to find this girl.","Ted: Exactly. So I'm just going to wait for her to come to me. I am done trying to plan the unplannable.","Marshall: So, what, you think fate's just going to take care of it?","Ted: That's the plan.","Ted from 2030: And little did I know, at that very moment, fate... in the form of a 600 gigahertz superprocessing computer... was taking care of it.","At the appartment","Ted: Whoa, you're up early.","Lily: Yeah, thought I'd whip up some pancakes.","Ted: Does Marshall know?","Lily: He's still sound asleep.","Marshall: Awesome. So awesome. God! Best girl ever. Screw these pancakes, I should cover you in syrup and gobble you up.","Ted: Please don't do that. Hey, is this milk any good?","Marshall: Oh, yeah, that totally got me yesterday.","Ted: God, why didn't you throw it away?","Lily: I'm going shopping after work. I'll pick up some milk.","Marshall: Oh...! These pancakes are delightful.","Lily: What's wrong, baby?","Marshall: This is the high point of my day.","Ted from 2030: It was true. See, Marshall had always dreamed of using his law degree to protect the environment. But he needed money for the wedding, so he'd been interning for two months at Barney's firm... and he hated every minute of it.","Barney's office","Marshall: Hey, Barney, I had some questions about filling out these requisition forms.","Barney: Binoculars. Second pair on my desk.","Marshall: I don't have time to be creepy, dude. I have a lot of work to do.","Barney: Just take a look, will ya? Okay, corner office. Top floor. Check out that guy. Name's Clark Butterfield. He works over at Nicholson, Hewitt and West and every morning, he orders a sandwich from the deli downstairs.","Marshall: So?","Barney: So guess what I did to that sandwich? Here, I took a picture.","Marshall: Oh! Sweet Lord.","Barney: And now I'm e-mailing said picture to him.","Marshall: Ooh! Duck! That is sick! Why would you do that?","Barney: Who knows? This feud goes so far back I can't remember who fired the first shot.","Marshall: You?","Barney: Totally. Well, look, if you would just... help me fill out these forms, that would be great.","Marshall: What?","Barney: Butterfield is going to retaliate within the next four hours. That's been his pattern. This is war, Eriksen. I need you to clear your schedule, call Lily, tell her you'll be home late.","Marshall: This is stupid.","Barney: Stu... Come on, man, I didn't recruit you to work here for your lawyering skills. I recruited you to be my executive mischief consultant.","Marshall: This is a job for me, Barney. It's a way to make some extra wedding money, and that's it. Now I'm sorry, but I have work to do.","Barney: Tracy, could you come in here, please? Would you please inform Mr. Eriksen that I'm no longer speaking to him.","Tracy: Mr. Eriksen, Mr. Stinson is no longer...","Marshall: I get it. Thank you, Tracy.","At the appartment","Ted: Hello?","Man: Hello. May I speak with a Mr. Ted Mosby?","Ted: Speaking.","Man: Mr. Mosby, how you doing, sir? Bob Rorschach over here at Love Solutions. You signed up for our services about six months ago.","Ted: Uh, yeah. You guys never found me a match.","Bob: Right. Well... actually, that's why I'm calling. We found her, sir. We found your soul mate.","At Love Solutions","Ted: I don't understand. What happened to Ellen Pierce? Doesn't she run this place?","Bob: Well, my firm bought out the company. You know, we're a high-end meats and textiles conglomerate, but the geniuses at corporate decided they wanted to diversify, so... here I am.","Ted: So I'm in good hands. You found me a match?","Bob: There she is. Your soul mate. That'll be 500 bucks.","Ted: No way. The last time I did this, the girl turned out to be engaged.","Bob: She's not engaged. She's your soul mate. Just read the file.","Ted from 2030: So I read the file. And by God, this woman was perfect. She liked dogs, she spent her summers in North Carolina, she played bass guitar, she did the Times crossword, she played tennis, she liked old movies, her favorite food was lasagna, her favorite book was Love in the Time of Cholera, her favorite singer was Otis Redding and she wanted two kids-- a boy and a girl.","Ted: All right, fine. Set it up.","Barney's office","Marshall: You wanted to see me, so I guess that means we're talking again?","Barney: Will you taste this latte for me? I think they gave me decaf.","Marshall: Tastes normal to me.","Barney: That's what I thought, too. Then I got this e-mail from Butterfield.","Marshall: Oh, God!","Barney: It got me as well.","Marshall: Well, then why did you have me drink it?!","Barney: Because now... you're in.","Marshall: Okay. Don't think I'm overlooking the obvious fact that I should just be mad at you. But Executive Mischief Consultant Marshall Eriksen reporting for duty. Let's make that b*st*rd pay. You think that we should brush our teeth first?","Barney: Yeah, it's probably a good idea.","In a bar","Ted from 2030: So that night I had a blind date with my perfect match. I was so excited, I got there early. But before it even started...","(Ted's phone starts ringing, he picks up)","Ted: Lily?","Lily: Hey, Ted, are you busy?","Ted: Um... yes.","Lily: Oh, right. Soul mate. Forgot. Listen, could you take a cab out to Duchess County and change a flat on Marshall's Fiero?","Ted: What? What? No. Can't you just call Marshall?","Lily: Marshall can't know about this. Look, Ted, it's dark, I don't know how to change a tire, and I've stumbled into the beginning of a very scary campfire story. Can you please hurry?","Ted: I can't, I'm waiting...","Lily: Oh, my God, is that a drifter with a hook for a hand? No, drifter, no!","Ted: Come on, Lily.","Lily: But you see my point.","Ted: All right, stay there. I'm on my way.","At Duchess County","Ted from 2030: And so, one $90 cab ride later, I was in the middle of nowhere.","Lily: Oh, thank God. I'm so sorry about this. Did you get ahold of your date?","Ted: Yes.","Lily: And was she okay about pushing it back?","Ted: Yes. Because she's perfect. So what am I doing here?","Lily: You can never tell Marshall.","Ted: I won't.","Lily: Ever. Swear. Swear on the lives of your unborn boy and girl.","Ted: I swear on Luke and Leia.","Lily: About a month ago, I started getting insomnia. Marrying Marshall had been all I wanted for a long time. But, now that it was really happening, it seemed kind of huge and scary.","Ted: Did you talk to Marshall about it?","Lily: He wouldn't have understood. He's not exactly nervous about tying the knot. So I spent my nights reading, painting, setting the high score on Super Bomber Man...","Ted: That was you? Awesome!","Lily: I know! I just got in the zone and... Not the point of the story. And then I started thinking about Victoria and how she followed her dream to Germany, and I found that art fellowship.","Ted: Let me guess. It's somewhere far away.","Lily: San Francisco. But it's not like I'm going to do it. The dates conflict with the wedding. But I love painting, and I've always wondered if I'm any good. This was a way to find out. And the interview is tonight. In New Haven.","Ted: You don't want to get married.","Lily: Of course I want to get married. I... It's not like I was ever going to do it. I just... I just really wanted to see if I could get this.","Ted: Lily, we live in the center of art and culture in America. I'm sure you could find a program here that's just as selective. But you chose one in a city 3,000 miles away, and you didn't tell Marshall. I think it's pretty clear what that means.","Lily: Okay, I was... I was having second thoughts. But I'm not any more. I... I mean, this flat tire was a sign. I'm not supposed to do this. I'm supposed to go home and-and be with Marshall. You must think I'm so stupid.","Ted: I don't think you're stupid.","Lily: I love Marshall.","Ted: I know you do. Come here. It's okay. Look... Marriage is big. You're allowed to freak out.","Lily: But why am I the only one? How come Marshall isn't doing anything crazy?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Barney's office","Marshall: So all we need is one large shipping box and 100 white mice.","At Duchess County","Ted: All done.","Lily: Ted, let's go to New Haven.","Ted: Lily, don't do this to yourself.","Lily: I just need to know if I can get in. If I do this interview, and get into the program, then I'll know, and I can forget all about it, and get married. Come on! It's an adventure.","Ted: No, it's not an adventure. It's a mistake.","Lily: Okay, yes, it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake. But there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake, and look back, and say, \"Yep. That was a mistake.\" So, really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not. And, damn it, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this-- my life, my relationship, my career-- mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?","Ted: I don't know. You said \"mistake\" a lot. Lily, don't do this.","Lily: Ted, I'm getting married in two months, and I'm freaking out, and you're my best friend, and you just have to forgive me for this.","Ted: Forgive you for what? (Lily leaves with he car) Lily. Lily! Hey, Lily, this is Ted, the guy you left stranded by the side of the road. I just wanted to say good luck with the interview, remember to pick up some milk... Oh, and, when I get home, I'm going to kill you. And, also, I texted you the same thing. (He calls Barney) Hey, I need a big favor.","Barney: Anything, bro.","Ted: I need you to come up to Duchess County and pick me up.","Barney: No.","Ted: It's kind of an emergency.","Barney: What are you doing in Duchess County?","Ted: Apple picking. Can you just get up here?","Barney: I wish I could help, buddy, but I'm stuck here at work. We're kind of swamped.","Marshall: Is that Ted?","Barney: Yeah. He's stuck in Duchess County.","Marshall: Don't you have a big date tonight?","Ted: Uh... Marshall. Hi. Yes. Yes, I do.","Marshall: So what are you doing in Duchess County?","Ted: Can't a brother go apple picking without getting the third degree? Damn!","Marshall: Okay, well, hang on. I'm coming to get you.","Ted: No!","Marshall: Relax, man. I'll take the Fiero.","Ted: No, no, no. Just... forget it. Ha, ha! A little prank. I'm not in Duchess County.","Marshall: So that's the prank? That you're not in Duchess County?","Ted: Yep. Gotcha! Classic! Gotta go.","Barney's office","Barney: Hey, check out this one. It actually looks like Butterfield.","Marshall: You know, over at the NRDC, it's a bunch of really committed people who take their job of saving the earth very, very seriously. Which is great, and everything, but I can't imagine having this much fun over there.","Barney: You thinking about coming to work here full-time?","Marshall: Maybe. Don't tell Lily, okay?","Tracy: Taking off for the night.","Barney: Thanks, Tracy.","Tracy: Are you guys planning on punching some holes in that box?","Barney: Of course we are. Were you going to think of that?","Marshall: No.","Barney: That would have been bad.","Marshall: Horrible.","At Duchess County","Ted from 2030: Luckily, there was still one person I could call to get a ride home.","Robin: Need a ride, cowboy?","Ted: Sorry. I don't get in vans with strangers.","Robin: Hmm, too bad. I got candy.","Ted: Candy?!","Robin: So you're not going to tell me what you were doing by the side of a highway in Duchess County?","Ted: Nope. Sworn to secrecy.","Robin: Oh, come on.","Ted: I like your hat.","Robin: Right. This is embarrassing. I got highlights.","Ted: Oh, for the waiting room of your dental practice? Highlights is a children's magazine.","Robin: Yeah, I got it. I thought it might look cool. Of course my colorist took \"highlights\" to mean, \"I want to look like a tiger,\" hence the hat.","Ted: Oh. I gotta see this.","Robin: No way.","Ted: Please. I bet it doesn't look that bad. I bet it looks grr-eat!","Robin: So, she says, changing the subject. Big date tonight. How does she rate on the Mosby checklist?","Ted: Kind of amazingly. Uh, she's 28, like me.","Robin: Wow, I'm 28. Hmm.","Ted: Uh, college educated-- check. Plays tennis-- check. Uh, favorite book is Love in the Time of Cholera-- check.","Robin: I read that. More like \"Love in the Time of Don't Bothera.\"","Ted: You know, it's very rude to wear a hat indoors. I'm just saying.","Robin: We're not indoors. We're in a van.","Ted: Vans have doors-- let me see your hair.","Robin: Never. What else?","Ted: She loves lasagna.","Robin: Barf.","Ted: You know, I am sensing a pattern here.","Robin: What else?","Ted: Let's see what else... Oh, she doesn't look like a tiger-- check.","Robin: And she's looking to get married and have kids?","Ted: Check and check. She wants two kids... a boy and a girl.","Robin: Wow. You know, I've been thinking about this. I think I want to have zero kids.","Ted: Really? You don't want kids?","Robin: You know, Ted, not everyone is as much of a woman as you. Hey. I'm driving. Look at that. 8:56. You're early.","Ted: Hey, thanks for picking me up.","Robin: Good luck on your date. I hope she's everything you're looking for.","Ted: Thanks.","Robin: All right, you've clearly had a rough night. I want you to go in there with a smile on your face, so, uh, here's what I'm going to do.","Ted: You're going to show me your hair?","Robin: Actually, I was going to show you my breasts, but... sure, we can do hair.","Ted: You just made my night.","Robin: Go.","(Ted gets out of the van et watch Robin leaving. He sees himself at his wedding, except Robin is not the bride)","At the appartment","Marshall: Tomorrow morning, Barney's going to send out the package, and Butterfield's going to be knee-deep in angry white mice. Oh, hey, dude.","Ted: Hey, guys.","Lily: Hi.","Ted: Hey. So, Lil, did you, uh, get the milk?","Lily: Yeah. Yeah, I-I got it.","Ted: You think you might want to... drink the milk?","Lily: No. Nope, I'm good. I don't need any milk.","Marshall: Look, guys, I know milk is important-- it's got vitamin A, vitamin D, it's a great way to start the morning-- but Ted just had a huge date. How'd it go, dude?","Ted: I didn't go.","Marshall: What? Why?","Ted: I changed my mind. I don't want to meet her.","Marshall: Why? She sounds perfect.","Ted: I don't want perfect. I want Robin.","Marshall: Oh, God, not this again. Ted, it's a mistake.","Ted: Maybe. But it's a mistake I have to make.","Marshall: Wrong. It's a mistake you don't have to make. Look at the evidence. You and Robin have tried this again and again...","Ted from 2030: Here's the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway.","[FLASHBACKS]","Lily: Ah, sweet damn, that's a hot plate.","Ted: Hey, is this milk any good?","[END OF FLASHBACKS]","Ted from 2030: Even really really dumb mistakes."],"Show Title":"How I Met Your Mother","Episode Number":"01x21","Episode Title":"Milk","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"How_I_Met_Your_Mother_02x05.json","Recap":["Lily moves into Barney's apartment. It works well at first, as Lily gets rid of Barney's conquests by pretending to be his wife. Barney throws her out when he's disappointed to find that they slept in his bed together without having sex."],"Transcript":["Ted (from 2030): Your Uncle Barney was always a bit of an enigma. In all the years we lived in new york, none of us had ever set foot in his apartment. Until one day, one of us did.","In Barney's bed, Lily and Barney wake up.","Barney: Aaaaaaah!","Lily: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!","Ted (from 2030): It's a pretty good story. And believe it or not, alcohol did not play a role. It all started two weeks earlier at Lily's housewarming.","Lily's apartment.","Lily: Welcome to my new home.","Ted: Oh, wow, Lily, this is... Oh, this is all of it.","Lily: Yeah,I know it's small, but it's got character. Thank you. And I am learning Lithuanian from my neighbors. They're great. They're always out there in the hall, you know, cooking and gambling and giving each other haircuts. It's nice.","Ted: Hey,is that a toilet in your kitchen?","Robin: Or a stove in your bathroom?","Lily: Oh, that's not just a stove. That's a stovenkerator: a combination of a stove, oven and sink and refrigerator. Stovenkerator. Isn't that futuristic?","Ted: God,I hope not. Hey, cool murphy bed.","Lily: It's kind of a mess. I didn't make my bed this morning, so...","Robin: Oh! You know what? I bet sleeping at this angle is good for you. For some reason.","Ted: Hold on, I got it.","(A man's voice speaking Lithuanian is heard)","Lily: That was \"something, something, I am going to something you like a something donkey.","Robin: Uh. Other cultures!","Lily: Hey, let's break out the fruit basket. Hey, who ate all the...? (Mouse squeaking) Aaaaaah!","CREDIT TITLES","At MacLaren's.","Ted: Okay, we have to get Lily out of that apartment. Her roommate is a raccoon.","Robin: I'd offer her my place, but I've got dogs and she's allergic.","Ted: Dogs? I live with her ex-boyfriend. I think she's a little more allergic to that.","Robin: What about your place, Barney? I know it's shrouded in mystery, but it's gotta have a couch.","Barney: The fortress of barnitude? No way.","Robin: Come on. She's desperate.","Barney: Hmm, normally a prerequisite for the women I bring home, but... pass.","Marshall (arriving): One of you guys is very, very lucky because I have... A boom! An extra ticket to the Alanis Morissette concert. Who's in?","Robin: Absolutely not.","Ted: No.","Marshall: Damn! I got these tickets like months ago for me and Lily and now I can't find anyone to go with me. This is what I miss about being in a couple. I always had someone to go to concerts with, or farmer's market, or brunch. God, I miss brunch!","Ted: Well, I guess you could - well, you could try going to brunch alone.","Marshall: Oh, you don't think I've tried?","[FLASHBACK]","Marshall: Table for one.","Head waiter: One... Couple?","Marshall: Um, no, just me.","Head waiter: Really? For brunch?","Marshall: You're right. Who am I kidding?","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Robin: Oh, the Popover Pantry! That place is great. Can we go get brunch tomorrow?","Ted: Of course, sweetie.","Marshall: Can I go with you guys?","Ted: Really? For brunch?","Marshall: God, I hate being single!","At Barney's apartment.Barney (on the phone): Okay,I'll take the over on the Pittsburgh game. Oh and P. to the S., I never got my payout from Seattle from two weeks ago. Yeah. Don't make me call the gaming commission on you. I'm sure they'd be very interested to know what's going on over there. All right? All right? Okay, I love you too Mom. Take care. (He hangs up) Hello Lily. You've somehow managed to circumvent my security. How did you do it?","Lily: Ted gave me your spare key.","Ted: Spare key! Brilliant!","Lily: I'm sorry,but you know I'd only come here if I had no other choice. But earlier today, I was getting ready to go to sleep and...","[FLASHBACK. Lily tries to spread out her bed and the wall collapses]Lily (to her Lithuanian neighbor): Sveikas (=Hello)","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Barney: That's terrible. Well, see ya.","Lily: Wait, can I stay here maybe?","Barney: I'd let you, but I don't have any room.","Lily: You live in a two-bedroom apartment. You have one room just for your suits.","Barney: Hey I'm at a point in my life where my suits are my family. Look around you Lily. You are in the heart of bachelor country, and as a woman, you are an illegal immigrant here. Now,you can try to apply for a s*x visa, but that only lasts 12 hours. 14 if you qualify for multiple entry.","Lily: Ewww!...Is something some lame, judgmental chick would say, but I say give me multiple high fives.","Barney: Wow, you really are desperate.","Lily: I really am.","Barney: Oh okay, you can stay here for two days. But I only have one rule. You can't change anything.","Lily: Why would I change anything? This place is... Perfect. Except for the fact that you don't have a TV.","Barney: See that wall? 300-inch flat-screen. They only sell them in Japan, but I know a guy. Had to ship it over in a tugboat like freakin' King Kong.","Lily: It hurts my eyes.","Barney: Yeah. That doesn't go away.","At the apartment, Marshall arrives.","Ted: Hey, where have you been?","Marshall: The Alanis Morissette concert.","Ted: By yourself?","Marshall: No,actually I went with a friend from law school.","Robin: Oh,really? Who's this friend?","Marshall: Brad.","[FLASHBACK. At MacLaren's]","Brad: Bro, Alanis Morissette rocks!","Marshall: Totally! I can't believe I almost didn't come tonight.","Brad: Let me guess: you bought the tickets for you and Lily right before she dumped you.","Marshall: Yeah, how'd you know?","Brad: I just got dumped myself.","Marshall: What? Kara broke up with you? I'm sorry,man. That sucks. Brad,do you like brunch?","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Ted: You invited him to brunch?","Marshall: Yeah, I invited him to brunch. Why? Is that weird?","Ted: Yes. That's why I was all \"you invited him to brunch?\"","Marshall: Why can't two guys who are friends go to brunch?","Ted: Because brunch is kind of...","Robin: Girly.","Marshall: Girly? Breakfast isn't girly. Lunch isn't girly. What makes brunch girly?","Ted: I don't know. There's nothing girly about a horse, nothing girly about a horn, but put them together and you get a unicorn.","Marshall: I don't care what either of you say, I am going to the Popover Pantry with Brad. We're here. We're hungry. Get used to it, brunch.","At Barney's apartment, Lily cooks breakfast.","Barney: Uhm, smells delicious.","Lily: Thank you. There was no food in the fridge, so I picked up... (Barney puts the breakfast in the trash) What are you doing?","Barney: Lily, what was the first rule again?","Lily: \"Don't change anything\"?","Barney: And what was the second rule?","Lily: There was no second rule.","Barney: Exactly! There was only one rule and you broke it.","Lily: I bought groceries. That counts as changing something?","Barney: Lily, if I wanted a fridge full of groceries or fresh coffee in the morning, I'd be in a relationship. But I don't want to be in a relationship. That's why I make it crystal-clear to every girl that walks through that door that this is not a place to leave a toothbrush. This is not a place to leave a contact lens case. This is a place to leave. Come on, 'll give you a tour. Uh, no flash photography please. Bienvenido to the bedroom. Dig this: King-sized bed, full-sized blanket, one pillow. Everything about this bed says \"our work here is done.\" Next we say bienvenue to the bathroom. What, only one towel? What, no hairdryer? You know where I keep that stuff? Your place. Beat it. And the coup de gr\u00e2ce... Yeah, that's right. Patent-pending. And wilkommen to the hallway. While guys like Ted and Marshall may hide their p0rn...","Lily: Marshall doesn't have p0rn.","Barney: Aww, that's sweet. While guys like Ted and Marshall may hide their p0rn, I had mine professionally lit. Girls see this, they can't get out of here fast enough.","Lily: And if that doesn't drive them away, there's always your life-sized storm-trooper.","Barney: No,that's just awesome. So you see, whenever a girl wakes up here, I never have to tell her to go build her nest somewhere else. My apartment does it for me.","At Popover Pantry.","Marshall: God, I love brunch.","Brad: Oh, damn... The zucchini bread is ridonculous.","Marshall: This isn't weird, right?","Brad: I sort of thought it might be, but it totally isn't. Oh and btw, you totally did not oversell the eggs benny.","Marshall: Right? Right?","Brad: I mean, why can't two single bros go out and rock brunch Sunday morning-style?","Marshall: Exactly. Thank you, that's exactly what I've been saying.","Brad: This must be destiny.","Marshall: What are you talking about?","Brad: I have two tickets for Mamma Mia! friday night. You like Abba, right? What am I saying?Who doesn't? Anyway, I was gonna take Kara, but now it's all you and me. We're gonna do Broadway, bro style. What do you say?","Marshall: Yeah!","At Barney's apartment, a girl watches him sleep.","Barney: Hey. Did the cold wake you?","Girl: No,I've just been watching you sleep.","Barney: Oh,did you try and take a shower? I'm sorry, I only have one clean towel.","Girl: I don't buy into the myth that we need to shower every day.","Barney: Okay. I'd offer you some coffee, but I don't have any, so you're gonna have to...","Girl: I'm boycotting coffee. You may as well drink the tears of a colombian peasant farmer. God, I love this place. Good thing I don't have a job because I could stay here all day.","Barney: I think I left something on the bookshelf. Whoops. Oh, no, oh, look (he shows her his p0rn) Oh, I'm disgusting.","Girl: Wow, you're open about your sexuality and that's one of the reasons I love you. Did I just say that? Oh well. Cat's out of the bag. I love you.","Barney: Whoa, uh, okay. Beep beep. Backing up, um...","Lily (walking in): Barney... Oh!","Girl: Oh my god! Are you married? Is this your wife?","Barney: What? No. Yes!","Girl: Yes?","Barney: Yes.","Girl: You son of a bitch! I can't believe I let you enter my sacred temple.","Barney: Come on, baby. please, no. You don't understand. What have I done? This is the worst. How could you...? (The girl is gone. To Lily) You're not going anywhere. Live claritin clear. Wow, that was close. That hippie chick wouldn't leave. She was ready to squat here.","Lily: Well, she'd have to with your spring-loaded toilet seat, wouldn't she?","Barney: She was freakishly immune to everything in my apartment... Except you. You're better than p0rn.","Lily: Thank you.","Barney: How would you like to extend your stay here? All you'd have to do is pretend to be my wife, and scare off the occasional one-night stand. I know,I know. You've got your ethics. You've got your principles...","Lily: I'll do it.","Barney: Really?","Lily: Barney,you've clearly got some serious mother issues that have left you the emotional equivalent of a scavenging sewer rat. But, in my other apartment, I would be living with an actual scavenging sewer rat, so you win.","Barney: I'll take it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","At MacLaren's:","Ted: Mamma mia!?","Marshall: Mamma mia!. You know what? It's supposed to be a great musical, okay? It won all sorts of Tonies and stuff.","Ted: No, totally. It sounds like a really, really fun, exciting, third date.","Robin: Ooh, third date. You know what that means.","Marshall: It is not a date,okay. It's just two bros taking in a Broadway show.","Ted: You bros going to get dinner beforehand?","Marshall: We might grab a steak, yeah.","Ted: Where at?","Marshall: Caf\u00e9 l'amour. (Ted and Robin laugh) Brad says the food is really good there, okay?","Robin: Sounds like Brad's got quite the night planned out. You better bring your \"A\" game. That means no granny panties.","Marshall: All right, you know what? You two are just threatened because I'm a single guy moving in on your couples' stuff. Well, guess what? It's my territory now. I'm peeing all over brunches, fancy dinners and musicals. That's right. Brad and I are taking back Broadway.","Ted: What are you going to wear?","Marshall: I was thinking like this collared shirt and these pin... (Ted and Robin laugh) Oh, you know what? Shut up.","At Barney's apartment, Barney takes breakfast with a girl.","Barney: Can you pass the arts and leisure? (The girl does it. More loudly) Can you pass the arts and leisure?","Girl: I just did.","Lily (walking in): Honey, I'm... Barney, what the hell is going on here?","Barney: Lily, I can explain...","Lily: How could you? In our own home? (She slaps him) You b*st*rd!","Girl: I'm so sorry. I-i didn't know he had...","Lily: Just get out. This is what I get after I worked as a stripper for four years to put you through medical school? I got breast implants for you. I... (The girl is gone) I was just about to turn on the tears.","Barney: Brava. That was incredible. And that slap was genius. You did not hold back.","Lily: Yeah, that I just always wanted to do.","Barney: Fair enough. I have to say, it's kind of nice having food around here for a change.","Lily: You know... Oh nah, never mind.","Barney: What? You're my wife. You can tell me anything.","Lily: Well,if you really wanted to sell this ruse, we should try to make this place a little more... You know, homey. Like... Like a woman would actually live here.","Barney: What did you have in mind?","(Barney and Lily redecorate the apartment, putting pillows on the couch, changing the living-room carpet, switching the storm-stooper for a plant, adding flowers on the kitchen counter and replacing the p0rn on the bookshelves by books)","At the apartment.","Ted: Hey,you're home. I didn't think we'd be seeing you until tomorrow morning.","Marshall: Ha,ha,ha,ha. It wasn't a date. Okay, it was a date and it got way weird.","[FLASHBACK. At caf\u00e9 l'amour.]","Marshall: Oh, you really don't have to do that.","Brad: No, I insist. You're my guest.","Marshall: Thanks, Brad.","Brad: Bro. You got some chocolate on your chin. Still there. I'll get that bad boy. (He licks his serviette and cleans Marshall's chin)","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Ted: Woah!","Robin: Well, it could have been worse. It could have fallen in your lap.","Marshall: It gets worse.","[FLASHBACK. At the restaurant, Brad helps Marshall with his coat.]","Marshall: No, I can do it, Brad. Okay,thank you.","Brad: So anyway,ah,it's this Saturday. Do you want to come?","Marshall: You want me to go to a wedding with you?","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Ted: Okay, that's not too bad. Two single guys on the prowl. It'll be like \"Wedding crashers\".","Robin: Just keep Brad away from the bouquet.","Marshall: It gets worse.","[FLASHBACK]","Brad: It gets better.The foliage in Vermont this time of year is ridonc.","Marshall: Vermont?","Brad: Yeah,the wedding's at this awesome B&B. Kara and I used to go there. Anyway, there is one room left,and we got it. Walt Whitman Suite, bro.","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Ted: You said no, right?","Marshall: Of course.","[FLASHBACK]","Brad: I understand. It's cool. It's the first time I was going to see my college friends since Kara left me. I just... I just miss her so much. (Brad starts sobbing)","Marshall: I'll go to Vermont with you.","Brad: That's great! You know, uh, they're registered at Pottery Barn. I figure we could go halfsies on a gravy boat.","[END OF FLASHBACK]","(Ted and Robin laugh)","Ted: I'm sorry. It's not funny anymore.","Marshall: Damn you,brunch! This guy's crazy, right?","Ted: Look,I don't think he's crazy. I just think he's suffering from a severe case of girlfriend withdrawal. And unfortunately, you're his nicotine patch.","Robin: And now you have to do what every dysfunctional couple has to do: Break up.","Marshall: You're right. You're right. I promised brad I would go to the wedding with him,and then that is it.","Ted: Good man.","In Barney's bedroom, Lily and Barney put pillows on the bed.","Lily: Oh,I think we made the right decision going for the custom-made italian sheets.","Barney: Hey, if my bed's going suit up, it's going to do it right. Want to give it a whirl?","Lily (jumping on the bed): Oh. Ooooh!","Barney: All right, I'm going to head out, hit the bars. What are you going to do tonight?","Lily: Oh, I was just going to watch \"Letterman\" but, God this bed is so comfy. I wish you had a TV in here. (Barney turns on a another wall-size TV) Okay, seriously, what do you do for a living?","Barney: Please. (He settles himself on the bed)","Lily: I thought you were going out.","Barney: Eh. After the monologue.","Ted (from 2030): The next morning, as the sun rose over Manhattan, your Uncle Marshall headed over to Brad's apartment to leave for the wedding in Vermont. But when he got there...","(Brad waits on the sidewalk, holding flowers)","Marshall: No. No... No. No! No! (On the phone) Ted. Um, Brad got me flowers.","Ted: Hold on. (To Robin) Brad got him flowers. (They laugh) I'm sorry. It just got funny again. (Marshall hangs up)","Brad: Oh, hey...","Marshall: No, Brad, uh, I don't want to hear it. I do like you. And calla lilies are my favorite flower. I don't know how you knew that. I guess you just get me, but this is not cool, man. I can't believe that you would...","(A girl arrives)","Girl: Hey,sweetie.","Brad: Hey. (They kiss and Brad give her the flowers)","Girl: Aww. Hey, Marshall.","Marshall: Hi, Kara. So you guys,are like back together now?","Brad: Yeah. Happened last night. Uh, I'm sorry, bro. I should have called you.","Marshall: Yeah, you should have.","Brad: Well, I didn't mean to hurt...","Marshall: Don't, Brad. Just don't. (He leaves)","Kara: Oh, what was with him?","Brad: I don't know. I think he's in love with me.","In Barney's bed, Barney and Lily wake up.","Barney: Aaaaaah!","Lily: Aaaaaaaaaaah!","Barney: I can't believe we just... You and I... What have we done?","Lily: Nothing. Nothing happened. We... We just went to sleep.","Barney: \"Just went to sleep\"? I don't sleep in the same bed as a woman and not make a move. How could... You! You spooned me against my will.","Lily: Hey,it takes two to cuddle.","Barney: We... We redecorated my place. We stayed in on a friday night to watch \"Letterman\", and then slept together and didn't have s*x? Oh my God! We're in a relationship!","Lily: That's what you think a relationship is?","Barney: You were supposed to be the vaccine, but you gave me the disease. You gotta go.","Lily: Barney. I don't think you're mad at me. You're mad at yourself. You let down your guard, and let someone into your life, and... And it actually felt okay. And that terrifies you.","Barney: Uh-uh. You gotta go.","Lily: Hey, you can't just kick me out! I put a lot of work into this place, and I've grown accustomed to a certain standard of living.","Barney: \"A certain standard of living\"? You didn't pay a single...","Ted (from 2030): And so Mr. and Mrs. Stinson, after two weeks of marriage, decided to call it quits. Fortunately, they reached a settlement. And that's the story of how Aunt Lily furnished her apartment.","Ted (from 2030): Marshall ran into Brad again some time later.","Marshall: Oh my God, it's Brad. Laugh like I said something really funny. (Ted laughs)","Ted: That was great.","Marshall: Right? Right?","Brad: Hey, Marshall.","Marshall: Oh, hey, hey, how's it going?","Brad: It's good. (To ted) Hey, I'm uh...","Ted: Yeah, I know who you are.","Brad: Well,I got to go. I got this thing.","Marshall: Yeah, me too, but more important.","Brad: So, I guess I'll see you around.","Marshall: Sure. Sure. (Brad leaves) Even if you don't believe it, tell me he looks fat.","Ted: Totally looks fat."],"Show Title":"How I Met Your Mother","Episode Number":"02x05","Episode Title":"World's Greatest Couple","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"How_I_Met_Your_Mother_02x06.json","Recap":["While Barney makes it his job to satisfy Marshall's disgruntled law professor, Lily goes to work for Ted's architecture company and tries to teach Ted's big boss a big lesson."],"Transcript":["Ted from 2030: Kids, when you reach your late twenty, you might be surpise to discover you still don't have life quite figured out. Like with aunt Lily. Even though she was back from San Francisco, she was still on a quest to find herself. Robin's apartment.","Lily: It's just that all I've ever done is teach kindergarten. I want to get out there and change the world. I want to find my passion.","Ted from 2030: And she did find it.","Lily (coming in Robin's): I'm going to be a life coach.","Ted from 2030: In fact, she found it again and again.","Lily: I'm going to be a marine biologist... Slam poet... Beekeeper! Not a beekeeper.","Robin (on the phone): Her newest lifelong dream? Singing in a punk rock band.","Ted: What is she doing for money through all this?","Robin: Oh, she's been waiting tables at Big Wave Luau.","Ted: Wait, you mean that hawaiian place where they wear those embarrassing outfits?","Robin: No.","Big Wave Luau.","Marshall: Here she comes. Here she comes.","Lily: Welcome to big Wave Luau. Can I tiki your drink order? Aw, crap.","Robin: I'm sorry.","Barney: Oh, hi, Lily. We were just in the neighborhood, thought we'd get some lunch. We didn't even know you'd be here. (Marshall takes a photo of her).","Lily: What do you want?","Ted: I don't think that's how you're supposed to greet a customer at Big Wave Luau.","Lily: Aloha, island visitors. The big wave brought you to our humble luau. For that, we thank you. Or in my native tongue, mahalo.","Barney: I didn't catch your name. Did you guys catch her name?","Ted: No.","Lily: My name is Anuhea. It means cool and fragrant,much like any of our 12 specialty drinks.","Ted: Robin, nothing to add?","Robin: No. Lily is my friend and I'm not going to make fun of her for trying to follow her dreams.","Lily: Thank you.","Robin: Although, you might want to bring out the big hawaiian drum because I'm pretty sure today's my birthday.","CREDIT TITLES","MacLaren's.","Marshall: I've never need the beer more than I do right now.","Ted: I thought you said your semester was gonna be a piece of cake. I remember because you were eating a piece of cake at the time and you said, \"dude, my semester is gonna be this.\"","Marshall: Yeah, well, it was supposed to be, but my professor's like the toughest grader I've ever seen. She had like a bad divorce this summer and now she's taking it out on us. To tell you the truth, I think she just needs to get laid.","Barney: Really? Laid, you say?","Marshall: You wouldn't be into her.She's, like, in her late 40s.","Barney: She hot?","Marshall: Yeah, I guess she's kind of hot, yeah.","Barney: And she's looking for some action. Sounds to me like she could be a cougar.","Robin: A what?","Barney: A cougar. An older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single and on the prowl for a younger man.","Ted: What's a woman in her 60s or 70s? A turtle?","Barney: Marshall, I've thought it over and I accept your challenge.","Marshall: I didn't challenge you to have s*x with...","Barney: Tomorrow, the cougar hunt begins.","Lily (arriving): So, I quit my job. I just couldn't take it anymore. Approximately 50 times a day, some guy asks me for a lei...","Marshall: Classic.","Robin: Ted, didn't you tell me they need a new assistant in your office?","Ted: Yeah. Somebody did just quit.","[FLASHBACK. Ted's office]","Ted: So, where should we eat today? (looking at the assistant with a whole chicken in a container) Oh awesome, you brought lunch for everyone? (the girl leaves, crying)","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Marshall: Dude, that is cold-blooded.","Ted: It was an honest mistake. Look, when somebody opens up a container with an entire chicken in it, it's okay to assume they made lunch for everyone.","Robin: Ted, that girl didn't quit. You destroyed her.","Ted: It was an whole chicken. And did I mention she had 12 sides?","Barney: Oh, now you're gonna bash her figure. Real classy, Ted.","Ted: So, Lily, what do you say? Do you want the job?","Lily: What would I be doing?","Ted: Basically, you're sort of a general office assistant.","Ted's office.","Ted: You'll sit there. My station is right over here. And things are a little bit crazy right now 'cause we're pitching a new building to a big client.","Lily: Oh, right, is that the...?","Ted: Yeah. Here's the model.","Lily: You weren't kidding. It really does look like a giant pen1s.","Ted: I know. For whatever reason, Mr. Druthers just doesn't see it.","Lily: How can he not see it? I mean there's the...","Ted: I know.","Lily: And the way it...","Ted: I know.","Lily: And the two little...","Ted: I know.","Lily: It is just...","Mr Druthers (arriving): Spectacular? Why, thank you.","Ted: Lily, this is Mr. Druthers, the head architect on the project. Lily's going to be our new office assistant.","Mr Druthers: Ah.","Lily: Nice to meet you.","Mr Druthers: Isn't it? Ted, I looked at your design for the penthouse balcony. Tell me, do you want to be an architect?","Ted: I, uh... I am an architect.","Mr Druthers: Really? Well, my six-year-old nephew plays with legos. Is he an architect?","Ted: Well, not unless he somehow passed all his licensing exams.","Mr Druthers: Ted, you've got promise. But you have to study what I do more carefully. Now I want you to design some styrofoam trees for the building model. Think you can handle that?","Ted: Absolutely.","Mr Druthers: So you're going to design the...","Ted: Styrofoam trees.","Mr Druthers: Once again, with feeling.","Ted: Styrofoam trees.","Mr Druthers: Styrofoam trees!","Ted: Styrofoam trees!","Mr Druthers: That's the spirit. Now, gather 'round. This isn't just about trees, Ted. This is about life. And sometimes in life, you have to get the trees just right or you're fired, hmm? (He leaves)","Lily: Man, that guy is a total, well... (gestures to the building model)","Marshall's law school.","Marshall: Okay, wait, wait, wait. That's professor Lewis's office there.","Barney: Okay, let's take a look. Oh, yeah, it's a cougar all right. A prime specimen. See, you can identify a cougar by a few key characteristics. Start with the hair. The cougar keeps up with current hairstyles as a form of camouflage. The prey may not realize that he's engaged a cougar until he's already being dragged, helpless, back to her lair. Now, the blouse. The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible to captivate her prey. If you're watching them bounce, she's about to pounce. See the claws? Long and sharp, to ward off rival females... Or open alimony checks. Yeah, this one's a beaut. Okay, let the hunt begin.","Marshall: Wait, wait, wait.I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with you hunting my constitutional law professor.","Barney: Who do you rather have grading your papers: a savage, man-eating jungle cat, or a purring, satisfied kitty?","Marshall: Go, Barney. Go mount and stuff that cougar.","Barney (stepping into the office, speaking with an Italian accent): Scusi, I am Luigi, italian exchange student. I was, uh, walking to class, but then I noticed you... Bella principessa...","Pr Lewis: Tell me what you want or get out.","Barney: Direct. I like that. The name's Barney. What I want... is you.","Pr Lewis: Turn around. My place. Two hours. Don't be tardy.","MacLaren's.","Lily: I can't believe how Mr. Druthers treats people. And that building? Talk about overcompensating.","Ted: He's not usually this bad. It's just that the partners have made it very clear this project is make or break for us, so lately he's been a little testy. (The girls giggle) You know what I mean: crotchety. (Giggles) I'm just saying it's been hard on him. (More giggles). All right stop.","Robin: Did you show lily your design?","Ted: No.","Lily: What design?","Ted: It's nothing.","Robin: It's fantastic. Just for fun, Ted's been working on his own design. And it doesn't look at all like male genitalia. At least, not healthy male genitalia.","Lily: Ted, you should pitch your building to Druthers.","Ted: Are you kidding? He's Hammond Druthers. He's a legend. I'm just part of his team. This building is huge for the firm, so it's really important we don't blow it. (Giggles) All right, enough!","Pr Lewis' apartment.","Barney: Oh, my god. Incredible.","Pr Lewis: Hmm... C minus.","Barney: C minus? What are you talking about? I just pulled an all-nighter!","Pr Lewis: You didn't budget your time well, you glossed over some of the most important points, and your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive.","Ted's office.","Lily: Mr. Druthers asked if you were making the trees or waiting for them to sprout on their own. Then he stared at me until I laughed.","Ted: Okay, I'm done.","Lily: Great. I'll put the paints away. You just go show him.","Ted: Great. Thanks.","Mr Druthers: Well, finally. I wondered whether you were making the trees or waiting for them to sprout on their own.","Ted: Good one, sir. Anyway, here they are.","Mr Druthers: Too green.","Ted: Too green?","Mr Druthers: Yes, the leaves should really be more of a natural brown color. Almost brunette. And think bushier. I want this tower to rise from a thicket of wild, ungroomed, brunette shrubbery. Can you picture it, Ted?","Ted: I can't un-picture it.","Mr Druthers: Good. Oh, my God! It's gone!","Ted: What? What's gone?","Mr Druthers: My baseball signed three times by Pete Rose.","Ted: Well, it's got to be around here somewhere.","Mr Druthers: What do you think, Ted, it just let itself out of its plastic case and rolled away? Somebody stole it.","Ted: Well, um, I better get back to these styrofoam trees.","Mr Druthers: Oh, who cares about the trees? It's just busy work to make you feel like you're contributing.","Ted: Inspiring as always, sir. Lily? Where's she put those paints? (Ted opens one of Lily's desk drawers and find the ball)","[SCENE_BREAK]","MacLaren's.","Lily: Hey.","Ted: Hey. Um, Lily, question for you. Why did I find Mr. Druthers' baseball signed three times by Pete Rose in your desk drawer?","Lily: That's easy. I took it.","Ted: Why?","Lily: It's simple.","[FLASHBACK]Mr Druthers: I can't believe there's no horseradish for the roast beef. I guess you were sick the day they taught that at sandwich university","Mr Druthers: Mother, no one from the nursing home is stealing from you. I didn't get you a birthday present.","Mr Druthers (to a kid): What? You gonna cry? Huh? Little crybaby's going to cry? Hey, everybody, look! The little crybaby's gonna cry! I lost my ice cream!","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Lily: Okay, I may have exaggerated that last one, but the point is, he was mean. And that's why I took away his ball.","Ted: What does his ball have to do with anything?","Lily: Druthers has to be taught he can't behave like that. When I was teaching kindergarten,whenever a kid was mean, I would take away one of his toys. The kid would be upset at first,but then he'd learn to stop being mean.","Robin: Hey, guys. What's going on?","Ted: Lily stole my boss' baseball signed three times by Pete Rose.","Robin: Why? Was he being mean?","Ted: You know about this?","Robin: Yeah. It's her own personal form of justice. Did you tell him about that time at the Gap?","Lily: Oh, that was a good one. This sales guy was rude to Robin, so I took a pair of khakis.","Robin: I gave them to you for your birthday.","Ted: So I've been walking around in stolen khakis?","Lily: I prefer to call them \"justice khakis.\"","Ted: That's not justice. It's shoplifting,and it's a crime.","Lily: So is being mean.","Ted: Lily, your little system doesn't even make sense. In kindergarten, the kid knew why he was being punished. Druthers just thinks someone stole his ball.","Lily: Well, that's why I left a note.","Ted: A note?","Lily: Yeah. When he finds it, he'll understand why his ball was taken away, he'll stop being mean, and the office will be a nicer place to work. Maybe he'll even be open to hearing your ideas.","Ted: Look, Lil, we're all tolerating this prolonged nervous breakdown you're clearly having, with the punk band and the beekeeping and the petty larceny, but this is my career you're messing with.","Lily: I'm not sure I like your tone. You know what? Now you just lost the ball.","At the apartment.","Marshall: I'd ask you how last night went, but we had a pop quiz today. Nobody got higher than a c-minus.","Barney: I know, I know.","Marshall: You claim to have so much s*x. I only assumed you'd be good at it.","Barney: Look, I miscalculated. I thought she'd be old and fragile, like most cougars. But kitty's got claws. Don't worry though. Tonight, I'm seeing her again.","Marshall: Just let it go, man. You're making things worse.","Barney: I promise you, after tonight, that cougar will be my pet, and I its master.","Pr Lewis' apartment.","Barney: I think I'm falling in love with you.","Pr Lewis: Oh, God. That wasn't your first time, was it? Although that would explain a lot.","Barney: What? No.We had s*x yesterday.","Pr Lewis: Oh, right. That. Well, you had s*x yesterday. I revised my syllabus for the spring semester.","Ted's office.","Ted: When Druthers goes to get his bagel, I'll go in, grab the note, put the ball back. If something goes wrong, yell out, \"who wants espresso?\" So I'll know he's coming. Got it? Okay, now give me the ball.","Lily: No.","Ted: What do you mean, no?","Lily: I mean I stand by what I did, Ted.","Ted: Come on, Lily. We're running out of time.","Mr Druthers: Everybody get in here now!","Lily: \"Who wants espresso?\"","Mr Druthers: Now, as most of you know, my Pete Rose, Pete Rose, Pete Rose baseball has been stolen. Well, I just found this note.","\"Dear mr. Druthers,I, your baseball, am leaving. Maybe, if you start being nice, I'll come back. If not, other things in your office may follow my lead. In fact, I overheard your iPod talking, and he may shuffle off at any minute.\" Normally, I would scream at everyone until my voice goes, but maybe that's the wrong reaction here.","Lily: Interesting.","Mr Druthers: Instead, I'm giving my baseball until the end of the day to decide he's homesick, or, tomorrow morning, I'll begin firing three people an hour. And, if the thief doesn't believe me, well, then you are gambling more than Pete Rose - major league baseball's all-time hit leader, a man whose absence from the hall of fame is a travesty to the entire sports world - ever \"allegedly\" did!","Lily: Wow. Looks like bye-bye, iPod.","Ted: Give him his ball back right now. People are going to get fired.","Lily: No, they're not. It's just a tantrum, Ted. I saw this in kindergarten all the time.","Ted: This isn't kindergarten. Mr Druthers is an adult, and he wants his ball back.","Lily: All right, I'll give it back if you show him your plans.","Ted: No. You'll give it back or you're fired.","Lily: I'm sorry, Ted. I just can't do that.","Ted: Then you're fired.","Lily: Fine. Here's the ball. At least you have one now.","MacLaren's.","Marshall: Dude, you're killing me. You didn't tame the cougar. You just made her angrier.","Barney: Do you not see the powerbar in my hand? I'm fueling up.","Marshall: So you're going back over there?","Barney: Oh, yeah. And tonight, just like John Mellencamp, I am going to get rid of the \"cougar\" once and for all. Get it? 'Cause that's what he did with his name.","Pr Lewis' apartment.","Barney: I can't stop thinking about you. Please give me another chance.","Pr Lewis: Barney, I teach all day. It's the last thing I want to do when I get home.","Barney: But you don't understand. See, I've been going easy on you, holding back, 'cause I was afraid you'd break a hip or something. But, this time, no mercy.I don't care how long it takes days, weeks, half a year.","Pr Lewis: Fine.Come in. You can start while I finish grading some papers.","Ted's office.","Mr Druthers: Hurry up. Clients will be here any moment. Now, slide it closer to his chair. I want this thing to really smack him in the face.","Ted: Mr. Druthers, thank you again for understanding about Lily.","Mr Druthers: Oh. Well, I pity her. I mean, to steal from my office and then write that slanderous note... You might say that Lily was mentally deranged. You might say that, Ted.","Ted: Lily was mentally deranged.","Mr Druthers: You might even say it loud enough for everyone to hear.","Ted: Lily was mentally deranged!","Mr Druthers: Oh! That's a bit harsh, don't you think, Ted?","Man: The clients are here.","Mr Druthers: Excellent. Bring them in.","Ted from 2030: Our client was a major bank and financial services company in Spokane. They wanted a modern skyscraper that still captured the distinct flavor and history of the northwest.","Mr Druthers: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Spokane national bank building.","Client: That's a pen1s!","Mr Druthers: That's... that's ridiculous. There's no way this majestic tower can be confused with the male organ of love.","Client: We're not building a pen1s. You got any other ideas?","Mr Druthers: Other ideas? You said you wanted Hammond Druthers. This is Hammond Druthers.","Client: Well, hats off to your ladyfriends, but I'm not building it. We're done here.","Ted from 2030: The trajectory of my entire career might have been different had I not unwittingly worn my justice khakis that day.","Ted: Wait! We have one more idea for you.","Mr Druthers: Ted, what are you doing?","Ted: I have another design.","Mr Druthers: Sit down, shut up right now.","Ted: No.","MacLaren's.","Robin: To Ted! The youngest person to ever design a building over 70 stories... Probably!","All: Probably!","Lily: Congrats, ted.","Ted: Hey, thanks for telling me to stand up to Druthers and pitch my idea. Seriously, none of this would have happened if it weren't for you.","Lily: Oh. You know what, Ted? That was very nice. You have earned these screws back. Don't sit in your desk chair until you've put them back in.","Ted: Hey, I'm project manager now, so, if you want your old job back...","Lily: No, thanks. I think I figured out what I want to be when I grow up.","Lily's kindergarten.","Lily: Casey, that's not how we treat people. You'll get this back when you learn to be nice.","Hospital.","Robin: Barney! Oh, my god!","Ted: What happened?","Pr Lewis: He broke his hip.","Barney: That's not true. It's just temporarily dislocated. Seriously, I'm fine.","Pr Lewis: No, he's not fine.","Marshall: Professor Lewis, hi.","Pr Lewis: Mr. Eriksen. Hello. I graded your paper tonight. I was pleasantly surprised.","Barney: Yeah, she was.","Pr Lewis: B plus.","Barney: B-plus?! Marshall, after I've gone through my eight weeks of physical therapy, I am going to get you that \"A\"!","Marshall: Let her go. She belongs out there in the wild. You should feel proud. You fought the cougar and lived.","Barney: It was an amazing safari. I can't wait to show you guys the slides!"],"Show Title":"How I Met Your Mother","Episode Number":"02x06","Episode Title":"Aldrin Justice","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"How_I_Met_Your_Mother_03x09.json","Recap":["As Lily and Marshall host their first Thanksgiving as a married couple, Barney is tortured by the tick-tock of the slap bet countdown clock and the uncertainty of the exact moment the slap is going to be delivered."],"Transcript":["At the appartment","Ted from 2030: Back when we were dating robin and I had this running joke. We were the only two people in the world who found it funny.","Barney: No way! March does not have 31 days.","Marshall: Yes, it does! Everyone knows that. It's like general knowledge.","Ted & Robin: General knowledge.","Ted from 2030: And we did it all the time.","At the Bar","Lily: Isn't it sad? I mean in 2007, some countries actually still condone corporal punishment.","Ted & Robin: Corporal punishment.","Ted from 2030: Because once you start, it's surprisingly hard to stop.","Marshall: Oh, man, I got a kernel stuck in my teeth.","Ted & Robin: Colonel stuck-in-my-teeth.","Please stop! I hate you! You're killing me!","Ted from 2030: But now, we were broken up,so when Marshall said...","Marshall: But after the first year,I get a major pay raise.","Ted from 2030: We just let it slide. You see, on the surface, Robin and I looked like we were doing great. But the truth is, trying to be friends with your ex is a lot harder than it looks. You can't be as candid as you used to be.","At the appartment","Ted: So then this hot intern leans over my desk, I can totally see she has a pierced... (Robin and Lily walk across the room) Brosnan. Pierce brosnan is my favorite of all the bonds.","At the Bar","Ted from 2030: But most importantly, you can never, ever be alone together.","(Barney, Marshall and Lily leave the booth)","Barney: I gotta go.","Marshall: I'm gonna go pay.","Lily: Peeing.","(Ted and Robin stays awkwardly at the booth, then...)","Ted: I'm gonna help marshall pay.","Robin: I'm gonna help lily pee.","[OPENING CREDITS]","At the Bar","(Lily drops a big turkey onto the table)","Lily: All right,we have a turkey.","Marshall: Yeah, we do.","Lily: Isn't this exciting? Our first Thanksgiving together as a group.","Marshall: Yeah, this is gonna be the best Slapsgiving ever.","Barney: What?","Marshall: I said this is going to be the best Thanksgiving ever.","Ted: yeah, this is going to be great. Just the five of us, right?","Robin: Oh, uh, that reminds me, I invited Bob.","Lily: Bob? You've been on, like, three dates with that guy. We haven't even met him.","Robin: Well, he didn't have anywhere else to go, and I didn't know what to say. Is it really that big a deal?","Lily: Yes. This is our first Thanksgiving. 30 years from now, we're going to look at the photos and say, \"Oh, there's the four people I love most in the world... and Bob.\"","Robin: I'm sorry,sometimes I forget how seriously you guys take American Thanksgiving. Real thanksgiving happened over a month ago.","Barney: I'm sorry. Did you just say Canadian Thanksgiving was and I'm quoting,\"the real Thanksgiving\"? What do Canadians even have to celebrate about?","Robin: Canadian Thanksgiving celebrates explorer martin frobisher's valiant yet ultimately unsuccessful attempt to find the northwest passage.","Barney: Why are you guys even a country?","Marshall: Oh, hey, by the way, if anyone wants to come over early thursday, we can watch the Slapsgiving day parade.","Barney: Well, there, you said it again.","Marshall: Said what?","Barney: Slapsgiving.","Marshall: Oh, I guess I did. You know why? I've invented a new holiday: Slapsgiving. It's the one day we set aside each year to gather together and give slaps.","Ted from 2030: I should explain. Kids, you remember the slap bet a year earlier, Marshall made a bet with Barney and won the right to slap him five times. He had already used the first and the second. But Marshall had something special in store for the third.","[FLASHBACK]","(There's a countdown on a computer screen)","Marshall, on the phone with Barney: slapcountdown.com.","Barney: no.","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Barney: No, no. The countdown ends at 3:00 p.m., the day after Thanksgiving. I counted it out.","Ted: How many days are in october?","Barney: Uh, thirty.","Ted: Dude, I thought we cleared this up last year.","[FLASHBACK]","Barney, with a funny accent: I like Halloween very much. Is nice.","Ted: Is also tomorrow.","Barney: Damn it!","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Barney: Wait, you're gonna slap me on Thanksgiving?","Marshall: Slapsgiving.","Barney: That's not allowed. Lily, you're the slap bet commissioner, is that allowed?","Lily: The hostess in me who's using her wedding china for the first time wants to say hell, no, but yeah, I 'm going to allow it.","Barney: Well, you know what? If you're trying to freak me out about spending Thanksgiving...","Marshall: Slapsgiving.","Barney:...at your place, then you failed. Truth is, I'm not scared.","Marhall: Really?","Barney: Right. Cause you blew it. The worst part about getting slapped is not knowing when it's going to happen. But now I know exactly when I'm gonna get slapped. So, you took all the suspense out. You showed your hand.","Marshall: And thursday at 3:01 p.m., your face is going to show my hand.","Robin: Oh, there's Bob! By the way, heads up, he's a little bit older than us.","Ted: How old is he?","Robin: He's forty-one. Hey, bob! Over here!","Ted from 2030: Okay, kids, the truth is, Bob probably looked like this.","(A fortyish-looking kind of man enters the bar)","Bob: Hey, sweetie.","Robin: Hi.","Ted from 2030: But when your ex is dating someone new your mind tends to accentuate their flaws. This is how I saw bob.","(Bob looks now like an eighty-years-old man)","Bob: Hey, dudes,what's crackin'?.","Ted: Hey, man, how are you?","Bob: Good to meet you. Sorry I'm late. I just got off the phone with my parents.","Ted: Parents?","Bob: They were totally on my case: \"What are you gonna do with your life? You're forty-one.\" and I'm like, \"Chillax, snowboarding is a legit career. you ought to be stoked I found my bliss.\" and speaking of bliss,sugar me, baby. ( Robin and Bob kiss)","Robin: Let's go get a drink.","(Bob and Robin goes away)","Ted: Unbelievable. Robin is dating Orville Redenbacher.","Lily: What are you talking about? He's forty-one.he looks great.","Marshall: Yeah, du he's in pretty good shape. He could probably kick your ass.","Ted: How are you guys not seeing this? He's 150; Robin's 27. Barney, come on,what do you got?","Barney: Nothing but respect for that man.","Lily: Oh, by the way, we're all baking pies at robin's tomorrow. Marshall can't be trusted in the apartment with pies overnight.","Marshall: For the millionth time, sleep-eating is a very serious and delicious medical condition.","Ted: Hey, uh, what time are you guys going to robin's?","Lily: 7:30.","Ted: Perfect. Just to be safe, I'll get there like 8:00, 8:30.","At Robin's","Ted: Sorry I'm late. Where are Marshall and Lily?","Robin: Uh, they just called. They're both super swamped preparing for tomorrow.","Ted: Is Bob coming?","Robin: No, he went to see green day.","Ted: So it's...","Ted and Robin:...just the two of us.","Robin: Making pies.","Ted: Pies. They're things that friends make together.","Robin: Yeah, they do.","Ted: Great.","Robin: Yeah.","Ted: Great. Well, this is great. It'll give us a chance to catch up.","Robin: Yeah.","Ted: I'm going to make a phone call. (On the phone with Barney who is at the Bar) Hey, it's me. listen, you have to come over here and make pies.","Barney: Yeah, I'll be there, absolutely.","Ted: Oh, awesome, you're a lifesaver. It's still kind of weird being alone with Robin, but if you were here...","Barney: Hey, say no more. I mean, when I pulled you out of that burning wreckage, I wasn't doing it to have a battleship named after me. But if you insist, yes, I'll be there for the christening.","Ted: You're hitting on someone right now, aren't you?","Barney: No, I'm not going to wear the medal of honor. That would just be tacky.","Ted: So you're not coming to make pies.","Barney: No, no. Thank you, mr. President. (He hungs up) Sorry.","At the appartment","Ted from 2030: After a very long night, it was finally the big holiday. Sorry, the two big holidays.","Lily: Oh, marshall, are you working on the cranberry sauce?","Marshall: In a minute, baby. I've only got so many hands. You see what I got going on here? They're turkeys, but they're also hands, because later, we're going to eat turkey... and then i'm going to slap you in your face.","Barney: Please, you took out all the suspense. In a horror movie, the killer does not grab a bullhorn and announce, \"Attention unsupervised teens here at the lake house: at precisely 3:00 a.m., I'm gonna jump out of that closet right there and hack you all up with a machete. P.S. fire is my one weakness.\"","(Someone is knocking on the door, Ted opens it)","Robin: Hey, ted.","Ted: Hey, happy Thanksgiving.","Robin: You, too. Is lily in the kitchen?","Ted: yep.","Robin: Great.","Ted: Marshall?","Robin: Lily?","Ted and Robin: Something really weird happened last night.","Marshall: What do you mean something weird happened last night?","Ted: You may not realize this, but since we broke up, Robin and I have never really been alone together.","[FLASHBACK]","Ted: So we're in the kitchen, starting on the pies, and we realize, we don't have a damn thing to say to each other.","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Ted: I mean, you can't talk about how close you used to be. You can't talk about how close you're not now. You just feel like everything you say is gonna make things worse.","Barney: Exactly. And you know why? Because you don't want to hurt someone you really care about, especially around the holidays. I mean, what decent human being would want to cause any kind of emotional or physical pain...","Marshall: You're still getting slapped.","Ted: I wanted to leave, but i couldn't stick her with making all the pies by herself. She was exhausted.","Robin: I yawned like a million times trying to get him to leave.","Lily: Yeah, some people just can't take a hint. By the way, I'm really swamped in here.","Robin: I kept looking at the clock and sighing... totally clueless.","Lily: Uh-huh. I'm not sure I have time to mash those potatoes, you're standing right next to.","Robin: And then Ted does the thing that he always does when there's an awkward silence.","Lily: Yep. masher's right there, next to the pot.","Robin: He panics and says the first thing that pops into his head.","[FLASHBACK]","Robin: Hey, did you know that the first pies in recorded history came from Ancient Egypt?","Ted: Remember last year's Thanksgiving, when we had s*x seven times?","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Barney: Ooh. terrible.","Ted: What?! I thought it would break the ice.","Robin: I'd already broken the ice with my cool pie fact. then he makes it ten times more awkward.","Lily: How do you respond to something like that?","[FLASHBACK]","Robin: Did you know that the egyptian pyramids can be seen from space? Probably?","Ted: Ooh, the oven's pre-heated!","Robin: Okay, um... the pecan pie is gonna take the longest. Why don't we put that one in first?","Ted: Pecan pie? Why are we making that?","Robin: Um, it's my favorite.","Ted: You're allergic.","Robin: I know. I just like smelling it. It's like eating with your nose.","Ted: So we're making a pie for Bob.","Robin: Yeah.","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Barney: She's got you making pies for this guy?","Ted: Yeah.","Marshall: That is a real slap in the face.","[FLASHBACK]","Ted: You know, you could have just told me it was for Bob.","Robin: Yeah, I-I just thought it might upset you.","Ted: Upset me? Wait a second. Do you think that......Do you think that I'm jealous of Bob?","Robin: I don't know. Is it so ridiculous to think that you might be?","Ted: Yes.","Robin: Why?","Ted: Because he's a thousand years old.","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Lily: No, Ted! What are you doing?","Robin: Right?","[FLASHBACK]","Ted: The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is that we can only talk about the first Thanksgiving,","Robin: Come on.","Ted: The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is because I heard noah gave him shotgun in the ark.","Robin: Ted...","Ted: The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is that I'm just an architect, but he discovered fire. How do you top that?","Robin: He's 41! Why are you bashing on him so hard?","Ted: I'm not. I'm just joking around. That's what friends do.","Robin: It's mean.","Ted: Well, how come we're all allowed to bust on barney when he dates some skanktron, but when you sleep with the crypt keeper's dad, I'm not allowed to say a word?","Robin: First of all, Bob and I are not sleeping together. We're just dating. Secondly, have I said one word about the parade of dubious conquests you've been marching past me the last few months? One of whom got you a butterfly tattoo?","Ted: Hey, that is...","Robin: And if you and I are such good friends... why is baking a pie for Bob so weird?","Ted: Yeah, if you and i are such good friends, why couldn't you just tell me that's what we were doing? Okay, maybe we should talk about this later. I-I should get going.","Robin: Well, what are we doing? It's Thanksgiving.","Ted: I don't know. I'm sorry. This is stupid.","Robin: I'm sorry, too. Of course we're friends. I'm glad we're friends.","Ted: me, too.","(They hug and then kiss)","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Lily, Marshall and Barney: You guys slept together last night?","Lily: That is a terrible idea!","Marshall: Horrible idea.","Barney: Relapse five! That's where we high-five, then it's awkward for a little bit... and then we high-five again!","Lily: What the hell were you doing? Let's review: you and Ted broke up six months ago. You're dating another man...","Robin: You are correct, Sir.","Lily:...who's coming to my thanksgiving today...","Robin: That is a truth-fact. Lily:...an event Ted is also attending.","Robin: kablammo.","Lily: Why are you trying to destroy American Thanksgiving?!","Robin: Oh, Lily, it's not as bad as it sounds. Bob and I aren't that serious, and what happened last night with Ted was a fluke.","Lily: Well, did you guys at least talk about it?","[FLASHBACK]","Ted:: There's office material...","Robin: I hear something burning...","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Ted: Clearly, we need to ignore this.","Robin: Clearly, we need to talk about this.","Ted and Robin: You know? to save the friendship.","Robin: We need to talk.","Ted: Stuffed mushroom?","Robin: We need to talk about last night.","Ted: Did you know that some mushrooms are carnivorous? Probably... not?","Robin: Ted, can we please just deal with this? Look, I'm not mad. I just think...","Ted: Wait, wait, wait, wait. why would you be mad... you started it?","Robin: What?! you're crazy!","Ted: We called a truce, we hugged, and when I tried to pull away, you kept your hand on my neck.","Robin: Only because your hand was still around my waist.","Ted: Oh, come on! You leaned into it.","Robin: I... leaned into it?","Ted: Yeah. You're like the crappy kid in little league who knows he's not going to make contact, so he just...\"Oops, I got hit by the pitch. Better take my base.\"","Robin: Oh, that was you in little league, wasn't it?","Ted: My on-base percentage was off the charts!","(Ted drops a plate full of appetizers)","Marshall: Oh, no! The slap-petizers.","Lily: You know what? That's it! This is Thanksgiving. Solve this right now. And if you have s*x again, neither of you gets dessert! Oh, what the hell kind of Thanksgiving is this anyway?","Barney: Um, most Thanksgivings.","Marshall: Don't stress, baby. I'll try to find us something relaxing.","Lily: Thanks, baby. Ooh, some classical music, maybe.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The count-down appears on the computer screen)","Marshall: Oh, my! Look at that. That means we're in the final hour of the countdown.","Barney: I'm not scared.","Marshall: Then why is your right cheek twitching? It's not... maybe it's because future me slaps future you so hard, it reverberates back to the present, shattering the time-slap continuum.","Barney: Please don't slap me.","Marshall: I'm sorry, what?","Barney: Oh, God! don't slap me again! I don't want to get slapped again, and the first two times hurt so bad, I don't like it! I don't like it one bit!","Marshall: I thought I ruined it by putting a clock on it, Barney?","Barney: Well, you didn't ruin it; you made it so much worse! I can't eat. I can't sleep. I've lost ten pounds; my suits are wearing me. You know what? I'm outta here.","Marshall: Well, no, no, no. you can't leave.","Barney: Why can't I?! Nowhere in the rules does it say that I have to sit through sort of mental torture! You are allowed to slap my face, Sir, but you are not allowed to slap my mind! Good day!","Marshall: But it's Slapsgiving.","Lily: No! It's not! It's Thanksgiving! Our first one as a married couple, as grownups and you're not even trying to be a part of it! None of you are! So... as slap bet commissioner, I'm issuing a ruling. Thanksgiving is a day of peace. There will be no slaps today!","Marshall: What?!","Barney: Yes! In your face! Not my face... your face!","(Bob arrives)","Bob: What's up, dudes?","All: Hey, bob.","Marshall: Baby,please... -no!","Lily: The slap bet commissioner's word is final, so get in the kitchen and mash some potatoes, now. And for the rest of the day, we are going to enjoy a civilized, grownup holiday.","Bob: Not too grownup. I made jell-o shots. We're gonna get silly, bitches.","In Ted's room","Robin: Look at us! We can't be alone together, can we?","Ted: Apparently not.","Robin: What does that mean? We're supposed to be friends.","Ted: We aren't friends, are we? Not really. We avoid each other. We smile politely. We're two people who pretend to be friends because it would be inconvenient not to.","Robin: Well, maybe we should stop pretending.","Ted: Maybe we should.","Robin: So... what do we do now?","Ted: I suppose... we eat dinner. And then that's it.","Robin: Okay.","(Robin leaves the room)","Ted: Happy Thanksgiving.","(Ted leaves the room too)","At diner","Ted from 2030: So we sat down to our first Thanksgiving together as a group...and, apparently, our last.","Barney: Marshall, you're not eating. Did something spoil your slap-petite?","Marshall: No, i just thought...before we eat, maybe the chef would like to say a few words.","Lily: Nope. This sucks. Eat up and leave.","Marshall: Well, then, I'd like to say something. If that's cool? Um... today, Lily did something great. Not only did she gather us all here together and cook a delicious meal, but she also started a new tradition. We're gonna do this again next year, and the year after that... maybe for the rest of our lives. I think that's pretty amazing if you think about it. And it's all thanks to you,Lily. I love you. So, to the first of many Thanksgivings together.","Bob: This is rad! A nice, small,simple Thanksgiving. I'm the youngest of ten in my family, so our Thanksgiving is a mess. All the yelling and the screaming...","Ted from 2030: And then a funny thing happened...","Bob: It's really a major buzz-kill.","Ted and Robin: Major buzz-kill.","Lily: Oh, no...","Barney: I thought we were done with that?","Robin: I guess we're not.","Ted: Guess we're not.","Ted from 2030: You see kids, friendship is an involuntary reflex... It just happens,you can't help it. That first Thanksgiving turned out to be a wonderful dinner with the four people I love most in the world... and Bob and it did become a tradition. That's why every year,we go to aunt Lily and uncle Marshall's for Thanksgiving.","Barney: Hey, check it out! We're in the last 20 seconds of Marshall's countdown to nothing.","Lily: Barney, put it away.","Barney: How does it feel, Marshall,to sit there, impotently... your large, flaccid hand,just dangling in the wind?","Voice: The slap will occur in ten..","Barney: Ooh, classy touch, dude. Too bad!","Lily: Barney, put it away.","Voice:...six...","Barney: I will in... five... Voice:... five, four...","Lily: You can slap him. Voice:...three...","Barney: What?! Wait, you... Voice:...two...one.","(Marshall slaps Barney with all his might, Barney falls down)","Marshall: That's three! Thanks, baby, you're the best. And as a special, added bonus, I've composed a song just for this occasion. Ted, lights! (Marshall starts playing the piano and singing) *What is this feelin' that's put you in your place a hot, red burnin' on the side of your face you feel the blood rush to your cheek. Tears start to fill your eyes and your lips are tremblin' but you can't speak,you're tryin', oh, you're tryin' not to cry! You just got sla-apped-oh, oh! Across the face, my friend-oh, oh, oh! You just got slapped. Yes, that really just happened. Everybody saw it and everybody laughed and clapped, it was awesome. Wait,you just got... slapped. Happy Slapsgiving, everybody.*","Bob is gone, the gang is in the kitchen","Lily: Well, guys have fun.","Ted: This is gonna be majoy cleaner.","All: Major cleaner!","Marshall: Oh man, we're gonna be doing this all the time, now aren't we?","Robin: That's the general idea.","All: General idea."],"Show Title":"How I Met Your Mother","Episode Number":"03x09","Episode Title":"Slapsgiving","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"How_I_Met_Your_Mother_04x13.json","Recap":["Lily comes back from a trip to Seattle only to run into a blizzard, which may threaten an airport ritual of meeting Marshall. Meanwhile, Ted & Barney offer to keep watch over the bar at MacLaren's while awaiting their dates, since Carl wants to close up early."],"Transcript":["March 1998, Lily Marshall waits at the airport.","Ted (2030): Children, during the second year of college, when Lily is back from vacation, Marshall surprised her at the airport.And she caught him with a pack of Root Beer.","Lily: Fort Lau-ger-Dale! Get it?","Ted (2030): And suddenly, a ritual was born. The next 11 years, if one of them was on a plane... June 2002, Lily Marshall waits at the airport.","Marshall: Minne-Cider! Get it? Ted (2030):... the reunion was still commemorated with a sign and a pack where they came from. February 2008...","Lily: Aspen Yards Ale! Get it?","Marshall: Actually, no!","Lily: I do not either. I was hoping that you find.","Ted (2030): But, one night in January 2009, the unthinkable happened. January 2009, Ted and Marshall are in McClaren's.","Marshall: I will not get it.","Ted: What?","Marshall: Lily not want me to take a taxi to the airport just to get a taxi in the opposite direction.","Ted: But the thing of the pack?","Marshall: It was fun when we were younger, but we exceeded it. When mature, the relationship matures with us.","Ted: But... you are an inspiration to us all, you are so dedicated and linked. I look at you, and that's all I want in the world.","Barney: There are two students out, and they look easy! Ted and Barney runs out of the bar.","Ted: Arizona... You know... I always wanted to see what looks like a license in Arizona.","Barney: I already did that. 21 years.","Ted: It's good. God thank you. What brings you here?","Woman 1: Our group did a concert.","Ted: You have a group? We will perhaps see you.","Barney: Excuse me one second. (Barney leads Ted to the bar entrance) What is your problem? We will not see them play.","Ted: Why?","Barney: If you go see them, it is not better than blondes showing their tits at a concert by Van Halen.","Ted: Yes, but these girls they sleep with Van Halen after?","Barney: If you want to sleep with Van Halen, do it on your spare time. We're not guys who-could-come-you-see. It is the other guys, those older, who ever came and whose recognition is required.","Ted: We are their fathers?","Barney: Exactly. (They go see the girls) This is a great meeting, I think that we can come. Another time, girls.","Ted: If you want to see us afterwards, we can exchange our numbers.","Barney: Excuse us a minute. (Barney leads Ted still at the entrance of the bar) Have you gone crazy? We do not want their numbers.","Ted: I know not what I was doing. I had panic there.","Barney: Qua na you exchange a number, you give him the opportunity to call to cancel. If you give a number without an appointment, they must come. Checkmate! No number, just my fingers. Truck.","Ted: You're still their father? They go back again.","Barney: Why not arrange to meet you here tomorrow night to 22h.","Woman 1: I think it will snow. What do we do if there is a blizzard?","Barney: Whatever happens, we will be there.","Ted: That's all \"ski\" account.","Barney: Sorry one last time.","Ted: What is the problem here?","Barney: Well done.","Ted: Thank you.","Barney: At tomorrow night.","Woman 2: Bluntly.","Woman 1: Great! The two women leave.","Barney: 'Definitely. Great! \"Dude, these students seem stupid.","Ted: Bluntly.","Barney: Awesome. Here's the thing: tomorrow night, dress up well, it will move!","Ted: We would still have had to make their numbers.","Barney: You always imagine the worst. Ted, I promise, everything will be okay. It begins to snow.","GENERIC","Ted (2030): Children, the blizzard of 2009 was a monster. It snowed for 3 days, which gave three incredible stories. I start with Barney and me.","Ted and Barney are the only McClaren's.","Ted: It's really bad outside. They will not.","Barney: But if it will come. It has to. If I can touch one of those girls, I get a \"Bingo party student.\" Come on, Ted. You're the only one here.","Ted: Sorry, a \"Bingo party student\"?","Barney: Every year, Playboy publishes a list of the best student parties in the country. I take the top 25, and I do... a bingo card. All I need now that Arizona Tech, which is crazy. In a contest, it would be given automatically.","Ted: How many people are on this festive bingo student?","Barney: Just me.","Ted: What is the purpose then?","Barney: The goal is to make it five in a row.","Ted: And you got what, if you succeed?","Barney: I have a bingo. Marshall repaired the radiator to Ted's apartment, in front of Robin.","Robin: Thanks for stopping by. I hacked the thermostat for 1 h before it was seen that the intercom.","Marshall: Yeah, I heard you moan from below.","Robin: The theft of Lily's tonight, you're really not looking for it?","Marshall: As I said, when you grow up, our relationship matures with us.","Robin: Knowing your wife, she'll still bring you back a pack. Marshall imagines the scene. Lily arrives at the airport and can not find Marshall.","Lily: Marshall?","Man: Puget Stout. The choicest of beverages from Seattle.And speaking of pack... He lifts his shirt and Lily goes with him.","Robin: What are you doing?","Marshall: I'm going to the airport. How could I be so stupid? Of course it takes me back a pack! Lily is on the plane.","Lily: But this time, I'm not back pack. Because... when it matures, the relationship matures with us.","Woman: He looks like a nice young man. I bet it will surprise you and pick you up anyway. Lily also imagines the scene. She arrives at the airport without pack, and Marshall awaits.","Marshall: Where is my beer?","Lily: It was said not this time. Marshall turns his sign which says: \"Someone with beer.\"","Woman: I have beer.","Marshall: A pack and a size that suits me. Come on, new Lily. Marshall leaves with the woman and leaves Lily.","Lily: I drink beer.","Voice: This is your captain speaking. Apparently, it will arrive with an hour early. Ted and Barney are still at the bar alone.","Carl: Finish, guys. I close the bar.","Ted: No! It is only 21h.","Barney: And it rocks here, yo!","Carl: I'm really sorry, but I have to install beds in the church. It becomes a refuge, snowy nights.","Barney: selfish b*st*rd! There are two cannons girls who come to us here.","Ted: You can leave it open a little more? We monitor everything.","Carl: You two? Impossible. You ignore the low bar.","Barney: Serve the guns first?","Carl: That's the key. Once your girls arrive, you turn off the lights and close. I want to go back and find a mess here.","Ted: Seriously?","Carl: I can trust you.","Ted (2030): To find out what it meant to have the keys to the bar, I must revert back to the night when I released five little words that everyone says at one point in his life. Flashback Barney and Ted are playing Monopoly.","Ted: There should be a bar.","Barney: Of course, we should have a bar!","Ted: You really should have a bar.","Barney: It really should have a bar.","Ted: Our bar would be great.","Barney: And dude, dude, dude, dude... The name of our bar will be... Puzzles. People will, \"Why Puzzles? \"That's the puzzle.","Ted: That's... a great name for a bar! And also, Puzzles: no nightcap.","Barney: No nightcap!","Ted: Except where everyone ended up spending the best night of his life, then we put the chairs on the tables and pulled out the margarita fountain.","Barney: There should be a bar.","Ted: There should be a bar.","Ted (2030): Like all stupid sentences of five words that every man in her life said... Marshall is on the edge of the roof.","Marshall: I can jump as far. At the apartment...","Ted: I'm going to recover. At the bar...","Carl: I can trust you. Ted (2030):... we would regret it. We knew not yet. End flashback Ted and Barney are behind the bar and prepared cocktails, by engaging the bottles. Until they are falling. Lily is at the airport.","Lily: You? Great! I'm coming. (She hangs up his phone) Ranjit?","Woman: I'm Rachel Sondheimer.","Ranjit: One moment, Lily. IF you get off the plane, which is Marshall? And the pack of beer?","Lily: That's the problem. I must be Brunivers in East Meadow in one hour.","Ranjit: In the car!","Lily: Thank you. Ranjit hand with Lily, leaving Rachel plan. In McClaren's...","Ted: Barman. Triple Sec.","Barney: It happens, keep tap. We will buy one.","Ted: Served. Ted slides the glass on the counter but Barney does not catch up.","Barney: Served.","Ted: We will buy one.","Woman 1: thank you God, you're still here.","Woman 2: I do not know if you've seen Star Wars, but it looks like Hoth out.","Ted: Prem's.","Woman 1: Reminds me of when I was sledding with my father... before he leaves.","Barney: And prem's.","Ted: It can get warm with a glass?","Woman 2: Sure... In fact, I invited the rest of the group to join us.","Woman 1: It is the intention of getting drunk. Really get drunk.As my father did.","Barney: Prem's, prem's prem's.","Ted: I guess you could stay open longer. As it is you and the group? (The bar is crowded) Melissa, what kind of group is it?","Melissa: We are the band of hens fighting Arizona Tech.","All: Come on, Chickens!","Ted (2030): It was then that Uncle Barney and I had a telepathic conversation.","Ted: Dude, Carl is going to kill us if we turn not everyone immediately. I'm serious. He promised not to mess. Okay, you score a point. The bar is open! Who wants a beer? Robin and Marshall drive to the airport.","Robin: I always find it silly. What happened to \"when you grow up, the relationship matures with us\"?","Marshall: It's just something Lily read in \"Psychology.\" It's good, she read in \"Cosmo\". Okay, I read in \"Cosmo\". Well, it was in \"Cosmo Girl\". Drive, OK?","Robin: Why make a fuss a little ritual is abandoned.","Marshall: It's more than that, OK? This is our little rituals. You know what we did when I got home?","Robin: I do not wanna hear about f*ck like rabbits.","Marshall: They told what they had eaten at noon. Flashback Marshall returned to the apartment.","Marshall: Two eggs, a cheese pizza and steamed vegetables.","Lily: A little bread, chicken, celery sticks and a spoon of peanut butter. We f*ck like rabbits?","Marshall: They f*ck like rabbits. End flashback","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lily is with Ranjit.","Ranjit: BTI... Too much information.","Lily: You know what I miss? The call for lunch. Flashback Lily is in the kitchen on the phone.","Lily: Baby, it's lunch and I love you.","Marshall at the office: I do not think less. Although I must warn you that there seems to be a surplus on my side.","Lily: No, I love you even more.","Marshall: Do we get a room to pull all this out? It seemed like a good compromise, although I have to work my positions. I love you too. Marshall hangs up. End flashback Marshall and Robin were always by car.","Marshall: Now, when she calls, I let the answering machine.The answering machine!","Robin: How dare you?","Marshall: What I miss most is the kiss of midnight New Year","Lily: It was New Year's tradition But you know what we did this year?","Ranjit: Kiss like rabbits?","Lily: No. Flashback Lily and Marshall are sleeping on the couch. End flashback","Robin: All of these little rituals, nice, cute... This is stupid. Say what we ate? They look like kids playing in the dinette.","Marshall: Maybe you think it's stupid because you've never had a relationship that lasts long enough for that.","Robin: What?","Marshall: You know nothing of love. You're like a robot that someone would cry and say that... \"Why this human leaking?\"","Robin: Really? Okay... Robot mode station-you-on-the-aisle-in-waiting-for-excuse-of-the imbecile. Robin stops on the roadside.","Marshall: My robot was... a thousand times better. Ted and Barney are always at McClaren's, behind the counter.","Man: FYI, the sink overflows into the bathroom.","Ted: There's no sink. And you get out of the kitchen.","Barney: Is there anything in a gin and tonic? There's what in a gin and tonic?","Ted: Hold a bar, it sucks. Is closed.","Barney: No nightcap! (The phone rings) Puzzles, Barney here.","Carl: Well, you're still there. I arrive in 5 minutes.","Barney: Last glass. Robin and Marshall are always stopping on the roadside.","Marshall: A snowplow arrives. We must leave.","Robin: You think being in love, it's just to have pet names. Or let the words stupid or darken in the blizzard for no reason.","Marshall: You know what will happen?","Robin: You know what you are? You're a snob of love. There's lots of ways to live a relationship, you would know if you left your little club \"Snob love.\"","Marshall: We'll be buried under the snow, that's what will happen.","Robin: Nothing to be done. I will not sit here and insult me.We're not going to the airport. We go. (The snowplow passes and buried under the snow) It's been what? Ranjit and Lily arrive at a store.","Lily: It was earlier called for the drink of Seattle.","Man: You did well to call. I was close. It's the perfect storm outside. It was only in 2009, when the storm of the century, it is perhaps a little premature. Let the storm of the year. Even if one is in January.","Lily: It is rather a hurry, so we'll take the beer.","Man: You are a cute couple.","Ranjit: Thank you.","Lily: We're not a couple.","Man: God thank you. It would have been weird. Here it is.\"Supersonic Tonic\".","Lily: No. It is a drum. I want a six pack.","Man: That's all I have.","Lily: You take the barrel.","Ranjit: What? No. The last time I had one in the car, I ended up removing the dried vomit on the seat with a knife.","Lily: Sorry, Ranjit, but it is a ritual, and I back this beer. If you could put it in the car. I'll give you $ 50.","Ranjit: A car. Robin in the car...","Marshall: Robin, I'm sorry. You're not a robot. If you are, you are a very advanced model, and the human race has no chance. You did not choose to show your love through rituals tacky, and that's good. But maybe we did that because we have always done and we know no other way. What I know is that if there sitting alone at the airport, I have to go get her.These are the rules.","Robin: Close your eyes.","Marshall: I know not how you thought I draguais you, but...","Robin: Do it. (Robin opened the roof and the snow falls on them) Now, go find your wife. Barney makes people out of the bar.","Barney: Okay, go. You are not obliged to return, but you can not stay. I always wanted to say that. I mean, in a bar. I say all the time with me.","Man: One day, we should have a bar. And when it will, there will never be nightcap.","Ted: We said no last drink. We must do.","Barney: We should do what? Carl will be there from one moment to another.","Ted: We can do one thing. Ted was a bar to his apartment.","Ted: Caring for a bar, it's boring. We should stick to what we know.","Barney: We should start a band.","Ted: Of course! Why was not yet formed a band? Marshall and Robin arrive at the airport.","Ted (2030): Children, sometimes in life, the planets align, everything comes together, and your timing is perfect.(Marshall and Lily calls Marshall called Lily but neither Marshall or Lily of the horizon. Lily sits on a bench and Marshall as well) It was not one of those moments.","Marshall: Where is she?","Robin: Seattle.","Marshall: What?","Robin: His flight was canceled. He has never taken off.","Marshall: She would have called me and... Marshall looks at his phone. Lily is in Seattle.","Lily: Baby, it's me. My flight was canceled because of a snowstorm and I will not fly until Thursday, I'm still stuck here for two days. It's lunchtime and I love you.","Ted (2030): As I said, it was a storm of three days. Tuesday... Robin and Marshall are by car.","Robin: I still think it's stupid.","Ted (2030): Wednesday... (Barney and Ted are at McClaren's, behind the counter) And Thursday... (Lily is a store with Ranjit) So Tuesday, when Marshall heard this message...","Marshall: It not return until Thursday. It was all the way here and not return until Thursday. I feel stupid. Listen, they say nothing to Lily about everything, OK? Especially the part where thou dredges.","Robin: I've not dredged.","Marshall: That's it.","Ted (2030): Then Wednesday... At the apartment, it's party time.","Ted: Dude, I do not believe that you've ever done this far.You'll have to go back and redo all that way again tomorrow.","Marshall: The whole thing was a sign. Let us end this ancient ritual. I will not get it.","Ted: Robin you really dredged?","Marshall: Dude, that was weird.","Man: Guys, this festival is great! You are true friends of Hens fighting. If necessary, do not hesitate to ask.","Barney: The flute section does she see anyone?","Ted: You're not really looking for it?","Marshall: Really.","Ted: So, on New Year's kiss, calls for lunch, all... \"I ate it today,\" you're really going to drop it?","Marshall: Yes, really.","Ted (2030): Which brings us to Thursday. Lily is sitting on a bench at the airport. 3 men playing music, then a band come in, revealing Marshall.","Marshall: A muffin, a pastrami sandwich, and chips. I know that lunch is over, but I love you. I love you Lily, more and more each day. Happy New Year. That means I have to bring a band at the airport now?","Lily: Yes.","Marshall: Damn. Marching band, Go Hens! Ted is sitting on the couch with a woman.","Ted: Puzzles.","Woman: This is a great band name. Have you seen Amanda?","Barney: Bingo!"],"Show Title":"How I Met Your Mother","Episode Number":"04x13","Episode Title":"Three Days of Snow","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"How_I_Met_Your_Mother_04x21.json","Recap":["When Ted breaks Barney and Marshall's \"three days rule\" by having a \"text\" relationship with a girl he just met, they play a cruel joke on him by pretending to be her."],"Transcript":["Ted is in McClaren's number and its exchange with a woman.","Ted: Super. So I'll call you.","Woman: I hope so. The woman leaves and Ted joins Barney, Marshall and Robin at their usual table.","Marshall: Look at this.","Ted: I had the number of that girl. Look. Holly.","Barney: Owl. The girls with a name ending in LY are dirty.Holly, Kelly, Carly, Lily.","Marshall: Yeah, it's true.","Barney: And not to mention the girls with names ending in I instead of a Y. These girls are like rides. You make the long tail, but once inside, you hold on, hoping not to lose your keys.","Ted: You know what I'm going to do? I'll call on. I will do \"you remember me? It's been a \". It's funny because I just saw.","Barney: You can not. You must wait three days before calling.This is the rule.","Ted: This rule is completely outdated. They know exactly what you do. I have another rule. It's a bit crazy, but I call it, \"you like him, you call him.\"","Barney: Sorry. Can you repeat that? I do not mean the I-fuck-ever.","Ted: My rule of three days, it is anything. Who invented it?","Barney: Jesus.","Marshall: Barney, do not do that. Not with Jesus.","Barney: Seriously. Jesus began this thing for three days. He waited three days to return to life. It was perfect. If he had waited one day we would not have known he was dead! They would have said: \"Jesus, are you? \"And Jesus would probably have said,\" You okay? I died yesterday! \"And they would say:\" You have the air alive, man. \" And they should explain his resurrection. And the miracle. And then the guy would say, \"Okay, whatever you want, dude.\"","Robin: The dialogues seem pompous old now.","Barney: And he will not come back on a Saturday. Everyone is busy doing chores. Weave, cut the beard. No. It looked exactly the right number of days... Three.","Ted: I promise, I'll wait three days. Stop talking.","Barney: And it's Sunday, they are all already in the church.They are all there, \"No, Jesus died.\" Then, bam! He burst through the door, crossed the aisle, everyone is excited. And by the way, that's where he invented the \"tope there! \"3 days.We wait three days to call a woman because it is the time that Jesus wants us to wait. True story.","GENERIC","Ted: Okay. I promise. I will call not before three days.","Ted is in the apartment.","Ted (2030): But I said nothing about texting. I started with something pretty and charming. \"I thought about you, then, I thought you send a text message piti.\" By pressing send, I realized that it was not at all charming. That was the thing that sucks the most anyone has told someone. And the worst with texting, is that once sent... can not recover them. And then...(23 minutes later...) you wait. And just when you decided to never again send a text message... (His phone rings) \"I thought you too, it's crazy that you send me a text when I'm in my bath.\" Holly is in her bath with her phone and Robin leaves his room.","Robin: What was that?","Ted: What?","Robin: You made a noise.","Ted: This is my laptop, a text message.","Robin: Not that. You made the sound of the naked girl.","Ted: What?","Robin: When you see a naked girl, you make noise.","Ted: That's not true.","Robin: Really? Flashback Ted enters the bathroom, but once spring.","Ted: Sorry, Lily. Ted and Robin are watching TV.","Voice: While the men hunt, women of the Korowai tribe native wash their clothes in the river. They are now in the museum.","Ted: It's a breast. End flashback","Robin: This is Holly who writes to you? You're not promised to wait three days?","Ted: To call. Texting, it's different.","Robin: Okay, just try to proclaim your sound of the naked girl.","Ted: I make no noise.","Robin: Really? She opens her robe and went to the bathroom while Ted is the \"noise\".","Ted (2030): Holly and I, we had sent text messages until 2am.And all the next day, too. It seemed perfect.","Ted: Holly just told me what she wears. It's pretty exciting.","Robin: Whatever it is, I guarantee you she do not wear it. She lies to please you.","Ted: How do you know?","Robin: Because no woman in history has never, \"asked to read architectural magazines in my old... uniform cheerleader. \"","Ted: Okay, maybe she's lying on the architectural magazines.No. This is bad.","Robin: What?","Ted: She just sent me a message clearly intended for someone else.","Robin: \"Baby, I got to eat at Generro. I come home soon. \"Yes, it sounds bad, but thinking a little. It is perhaps for his brother or father who is ill.","Ted: Come down.","Robin: \"And then I want to... you to take me on the couch.\"Maybe not a sick father. Father or a really sick... Right? Sorry. Robin joins Marshall and Barney at the bar.","Robin: Hi guys! What is it?","Marshall: A meal that I Generro back to Lily.","Robin: Bizarre. Holly sent a message to Ted talking about a meal Generro. A second. Band of bastards!","Barney: What?","Robin: You are Holly! So Ted did not send messages to Holly? He sent to you?","Barney: We knew he would try to call three days before, so I took his cell phone and changed his number from mine.","Marshall: We wanted to call the chopper too early, but then he... sent text messages. Flashback Marshall and Barney are at the bar.","Barney: \"Piti texting\"?","Marshall: Poor, little Ted. It should... He should say it estnous.","Barney: Yeah. Or... it pretends to Holly and we are in the bath.","Marshall: It's better. It was funny. He should say that it is us.","Barney: It should. Or... it is said that red is our favorite color and found the look \"cowboy\" sexy.","Marshall: It's better. Ted was at the apartment in a bathrobe and cowboy boots.","Ted: I wear them right now and they are very sexy.","Barney: He put the boots!","Marshall: He bluntly put! It was great! But it's time to tell him that he wears.","Barney: Or... we remove our shirts.","Marshall: It's better.","Barney: Maybe that door below, a black bra with lace.","Marshall: I believe that wearing anything underneath.","Barney: It is hot.","Marshall: There, he wears only cowboy boots! Here we go!","Barney: Too! Tell him we slowly drag our... What do we do?","Marshall: I think we'll... have s*x with Ted. End flashback","Robin: You did this all day? This is wicked.","Marshall: No, actually it was for his good. It protects it from itself. He really likes this girl. He had that look.","Barney: The crazy eyes, \"I'm going too fast and I will f*ck up everything.\"","Marshall: The same he had with you the first time.","Barney: We all know what it gave. Flashback Ted dances with Robin.","Ted: I'm in love with you.","Robin: What? End flashback","Robin: I was a single case. This is not Holly Robin Scherbatsky. What is wrong with her hair? News Flash: detangling, it exists for not having a helmet. I'm so mean.","Marshall: It's been that Ted did not like someone. He stored much... We thought him to say \"I love you\" when he contacted her.","Barney: And it's coming. It shows all the telltale signs.","Marshall: First: he jokes with the marriage.","Barney: \"You like architecture? We should get married. Ha-ha.MDR. Just kidding. So what? \"","Marshall: Deuzio: it's far too early suggestions crazy travel.","Barney: \"I like beer. We should go to Germany. MDR. JP.MDR. \"","Marshall: Third: it says too early personal things.","Barney: \"My parents divorced two years there. It was really hard. MDR. \"","Robin: And he really knows not what means MDR.","Marshall: Yeah, but that's the problem. Ted did not say \"I love you\" as easily as we thought.","Barney: And then we met Stan. Flashback Marshall and Barney are still at the bar texting.","Stan: Why do you so much noise? End flashback","Marshall: So, he explained everything and once finished, there was something fascinating. Flashback","Stan: Why not say you know it's there, thinking of you, concerned about you, and you feel safe? Your fears, your past disappear. And that the only hope is the promise of a hug. End flashback","Robin: Super Stan. Who is it?","Barney: A guard who works nights.","Marshall: He eats here every day.","Barney: And he had not finished.","Marshall: Far from it. Flashback","Stan: I thank God for every mistake I made, because each of them told me the path that led me to you.","Marshall: It's... really nice.","Barney: No matter. It's OK.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ted sits at the apartment to read a text message.","Holly: \"And when, finally, we will be together, I want you to enlaces. \"","Stan: Hug me all night. Stroking my hair. Tell me I'm a woman and show me that you are a man. Until there is now. You and me... and now.","Marshall: You want me to send it to Ted. I knew it.","Holly: \"I do not ask someone to explain the night. I wait and it envelops me. And you're like bread, light and shadow. \"","Stan: This is Pablo Neruda.","Marshall: I do not know... what comes to the bread here, but it touches me... here... and here.","Barney: Well, if Ted does not say, I will. I love you.","Stan: That's cool. Still nothing?","Marshall: It is perhaps not in love with us.","Barney: How is this possible? It's all there waiting!","Marshall: I do not understand men.","Stan: I go to work.","Marshall: Do... you come back?","Stan: I'll be back when the wind, destiny and luck will take me back. That is to say tomorrow. This is the day of the cheesesteak. End flashback","Robin: That guy you fell in love. I hope his girlfriend is not jealous. He spoke of a friend or...?","Barney: All was well until he sends a text message for Lily and ruins everything.","Robin: It's okay. It's over now. I have to leave, but that's what happens: you call it now, tell him what you did and apologize.Got it?","Barney: Yes. (Barney out of the bar) Or... Robin returned to the apartment.","Ted: Holly explained everything to me, it was just a misunderstanding. All is well now.","Robin: Really? How she explained the scope of texting?","Ted: Apparently, his idiot friend of Marsha accidentally used his phone for a message to her husband Billy.","Robin: Marsha and Billy. They are not trampled.","Ted: And now I feel better than ever. It sounds crazy, but I think that I am attached to this girl.","Robin: You cling to Barney and Marshall.","Ted: What?","Robin: They did not believe that you'd wait three days, so Barney has changed his number by that of his work laptop.Holly is Barney and Marshall.","Ted: Wait. It was them all along? So Holly was not in his bath?Or sitting by the window, gazing at the stars thinking of me? Or on his couch cheerleader reading architecture magazines?","Robin: I think they have done that. They were just at the bar.","Ted: It's true.","Robin: Yes, it was them.","Ted: Incredible!","Robin: I know. You should tell them that you are not fooled.","Ted: Or... I send them a text message that will really confuse them.","Robin: I see. Why not: \"I have told anyone yet, but I only have three months to live\"?","Ted: Not bad. And: \"I killed a man with a shovel, and those feelings resurface\"?","Robin: I love this thing someone said about three months to live.","Ted: \"I've never told anyone but I slept with the mother of my best friend. \"","Robin: It's good, but I think it comes down to trick the three months to live.","Ted: Wait. I think I have. Marshall and Barney are in the latter's office.","Marshall: He replied! \"I probably should not tell you, finally, we barely knew, but never mind, I say it anyway. \"","Barney: That's it, man. This is the \"I love you.\"","Marshall: I would like Stan to be there.","Barney: Stan. What?","Marshall: \"I sometimes have dreams about my gay best friend.\"","Barney: \"I sometimes have dreams about my gay best friend. \"","Marshall: Ted Why send text messages to a girl he barely knows, where he says he dreams about me gay?","Barney: Easy. You? He speaks clearly to me.","Marshall: Dude, I'm his best friend.","Barney: Okay, one: It has never been proven. Two: If anyone had any dreams about gays one of us would be on me! Finally, look at me. Now look at you. An octogenarian still in her closet would not be in this state.","Marshall: That's the trick. I hug you, no. Who would not want to cuddle in this case, on Sunday morning? Wrapped in the quilt while it is raining, and there are muffins in the oven. I'm cuddly, bitch. You must do.","Barney: I train every day. One thing we know about Ted is that he likes a nice body. This body would vibrate.","Marshall: Ted and I, we lived. I know what he likes. There are things I can do it... he \u00e9poustoufleraient Why do they sleep with Ted?","Barney: I know. It's weird. Barney and Marshall are in McClaren's with Robin.","Barney: Crazy, no? Ted had dreams about me gay.","Marshall: And by \"me\", he means Marshall Eriksen, star of Ted's gay dreams.","Robin: So what? So Ted has gay dreams about one of you. It's not as if he had three months to live. It would... Shocking, no?","Marshall: Look at this guy. How is my best friend for 12 years?","Ted: It's a bit weird, but... I had a strange dream yesterday. It's a bit embarrassing.","Barney: You can tell us. This is a secure area.","Marshall: Your feelings are quite natural.","Ted: That's what happened.","Ted (2030): And I wasted half an hour of life of these bastards, tell them about this dream where I dine with my top 5 best architects.","Ted: Then at the end of the meal, Frank Gehry addition to the slides and IM Pei said, \"Friend, tonight is your name I Paye.\"Buckminster Fuller was almost choking. And I woke up.","Marshall: That's it?","Barney: No more dreams? Nothing disturbing or erotic?","Marshall: OK, what do you say that. You know that someday in the future, machines will rebel?","Ted: Of course.","Marshall: So, the machines... killed everyone. And there are only you, me, and Barney. Who among us would you... you?","Ted: And.. why should I \"make me\" one of you?","Barney: Machines force you. They want to watch. That's how they erupt.","Ted: It's hard. I imagine it would be... Holly. Robin told me everything. That's why I invented everything. Guys, here is Holly. And I have not waited for your precious three days to call. I knew where she was working so I found. Let me ask you? It was too early?","Holly: I loved that he called me right away. It's very romantic.And I do not assoies home to read architectural magazines uniformed cheerleader. I do it naked.","Ted: Holly and I are going to dinner.","Holly: I'll meet you outside. Holly leaves the bar.","Marshall: Sorry. It was just trying to help you.","Barney: And also, it was really funny.","Ted: I do not need help, OK? I can look after myself. And yes, maybe some girls do not like to be called away or they may say too, but guess what? These are not good for me. Maybe the good is the one that loves me to do that, because... this is who I am and I will not change because of a stupid rule of the Three Days. Holly spells his name with an \"I\".","Ted (2030): I had proved that the Rule of Three Days was wrong and I went out to dinner with a pretty girl. And so far, I have told anyone the truth about this hot date. Ted is the restaurant with Holly.","Holly: It's funny! I also love indie music. We should get married. I laugh. Or not? I laugh again. That's it. We go to Brazil together! I saw my doctor this morning, he told me that everything was settled, so I can go. I think I love you.","Ted (2030): Finally, I did not have to wait three days, but Holly should really have. Like many rules, sometimes you follow them and sometimes not. But I will say this. When I was your mother's number, I called immediately. Marshall and Barney are at the bar with Stan when Robin arrives.","Stan: Hi, friends.","Barney: You work right?","Stan: I took leave.","Marshall: Great! We can have fun!","Stan: I can not. I have a date. Ready?","Robin: Yes.","Barney: What...","Marshall: Wait. You can not just sit there and have your date with us?","Barney: Yeah, it will be fun! Look, I'm kidding! It explodes! Do you like magic?","Stan: Friends. It's time to say goodbye. We all shared a special afternoon and it's something I cherish. I will never forget you. Robin by the arm of Stan.","Robin: You know their names?","Stan: No. The large, this is Ted?","Robin: No, it's Marshall. Married to Lily.","Stan: OK. Do you like chicken wings?"],"Show Title":"How I Met Your Mother","Episode Number":"04x21","Episode Title":"The Three Days Rule","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"How_I_Met_Your_Mother_05x02.json","Recap":["While on a blind date, Ted realizes this is actually his second first date with the same girl, and seven years later they still have nothing in common. Meanwhile, Barney takes Marshall out on the town, much to the dismay of Robin."],"Transcript":["TED (2030): This is the story of two blind dates. One in 2009... And one seven years earlier. In all that time, my dating routine remained more or less the same... until the fall of 2009, when I finally had a date that was different. Because it was exactly the same. I was on a blind date with the same woman I went on a blind date with seven years earlier. IN. JEN'S APPARTMENT 2002\/2009 [Two years in the same screen] Ted knocks on the door, she opens.","Jen: Ted?","Ted: Jen?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jen: It's nice to meet you.","Ted (2030): And she didn't remember it. But then again...","Ted: It's nice to meet you, too.","Ted (2030): Neither did I.","***GENERIC","[SCENE_BREAK]","IN. MC LAREN'S","Barney: Guess who just got four tickets to the \"Origins of Chewbacca\" Star Wars exhibit?","Lily: Why?","Barney: No, I said, \"Guess who?\"","Lily: I heard you.","Robin: Yeah, um, isn't it a little early in our relationship to do something that would end our relationship?","Marshall: What? No, what are you talking about? It can be our first double date as couples! And plus, it sounds awesome! Is the original Chewbacca going to be there?","Barney: Peter Mayhew, in the fur. Who's with me?","IN. TAXI","Marshall has accepted to go with Barney and they took a taxi.","Marshall: Hey, do you think they'll have Wookiee to English dictionaries there? I mean, even just an everyday phrase book would be helpful.","Barney: We're not going to the \"Origins of Chewbacca\" exhibit,Marshall. It's inHouston this year. Everyone knows that. I just wanted to get rid of the girls.","Marshall: Where are you taking me, Barney?","Ted (2030): This wasn't the first time your Uncle Barney had kidnapped one of us.","**FLASHBACK 4 YEARS EARLIER**","IN. TAXI","Ted: Wait a second, the \"Origins of Chewbacca\" exhibit's inMontreal this year. Everyone knows that. Where are you taking me?","Barney: My guy in the DA's office scored us front row seats to a lethal injection. But we're still stopping for chili dogs first.","Ted: Stop the cab.","**END OF FLASHBACK**","Marshall: Where are you taking me?","IN. STRIP CLUB","Marshall: Barney, why are we here?","Barney: Marshall, now that Robin and I are together, I've learned a lot about relationships by watching you and Lily.","Marshall: Thanks, man.","Barney: You're a terrible couple. Lily has taken all the man out of you. I used to think that's just every relationship. But what I've got with Robin proves that you can have a girlfriend and fully functioning male genitalia all at the same time.","Marshall: Okay, right. So, if Robin knew that you were here, she would be completely fine with it?","Barney: Are you kidding? She'd sprint down here with a purse full of singles and a poncho for the 10:30 Jell-O show. BT-Dub, I called ahead it's lime.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ted (2030): Meanwhile, Jen and I were at my favourite first date restaurant... for the second time.","IN. RESTAURANT","Ted: So, Jen, what do you do?","Jen: I'm between jobs banking crisis.","**FLASHBACK 2002**","Jen: I'm between jobs Internet bubble burst. Makes me realize I should go into something more stable... like banking. So what about you?","Ted: I'm an architect. Hopefully, one day, I can use my own humble brush on the masterpiece that isManhattan's skyline.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ted: I teach architecture. Get 50% off so, that's pretty sweet.","[SCENE_BREAK]","IN. STRIP CLUB","A striper comes up to Marshall.","Marshall: Married!","Barney: What is wrong with you? You're just looking. It's like fantasizing about other women. It's harmless. Wait. Don't tell me you don't fantasize about other women.","Marshall: I do! It's just not that easy.","Barney: False! I once fantasized about that silhouette chick you see on a truck's mudflaps. Took me less than a mile.","Marshall: Not everyone is you, okay, Barney? Even when I do start to have a dirty thought like that... it seems so much like cheating on Lily, that I feel guilty. So first, I need to have a different fantasy.","**MARSHALL'S FANTASY**","Lily starts to hiccup. Marshall took her to the hospital.","Doctor: Bad news. Lily has a rare and fatal hiccup disorder that's apparently medical illegitimate.","Marshall : What?! How could this be?!","Doctor: Beats me, but it says it right here on this doctor clipboard that doctors have.","6 months later, Lily is still in the hospital.","Lily: It's time, baby.","Marshall: I will never love again.","Lily: No,Marshall, you must. And after an appropriate number of years, you should find someone else. Someone like that busty delivery girl from that one time. And plow her like a cornfield.","Then she dies.","At the funeral, the priest speaks.","Priest: And so,Marshall, to honour Lily, you must find that busty delivery girl from that one time and plow her like a cornfield.","And after an appropriate number of years, someone knocks at the door.","Delivery girl: Delivery for Marshall Eriksen.","Marshall: (kissing his hand and looking up and ) This one's for you Lily. (to the delivery girl, opening his shirt) Where do I sign?","**END OF FANTASY**","Marshall: And then watch out, because it is on!","Barney: That is the saddest thing I've ever heard. Dude, Lily gets you in real life She has no business in your fantasies.","Marshall: It's all I know, okay? I can't, I can't help it.","Barney: I accept your invitation. Marshall Eriksen, from this day forward, I will be the wingman of your mind. Now, focus on the next dancer. Put Lily completely out of your mind.","Voice: Gentlemen, say hello J-J-J-Jasmine.","The striper looks like Lily.","Marsahll: Barney? Is it just me or does that stripper look exactly like...?","Barney, excited, calls Ted on the phone.","Barney: Ted, we found a stripper who looks exactly like Lily!","Ted: Yeah, I can't talk right now.","Barney: I'm speechless, too. Everything's as perky as we've always imagined!","Marshall: Stop looking at her.","Ted: Uh, look, I got to go. Take a picture.","Barney: Oh, I will. But first, I'm going to makeMarshall watch as I wedge Ulysses S. Grant between his wife's tatas.","Marshall: (hitting him) I'll kill you!","[SCENE_BREAK]","IN. RESTAURANT","Ted: (hanging up his cellular) Sorry about that.","Jen: So, any thoughts on food?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ted: Yeah, do you wanna share the oysters?","Jen: I would love to share the oysters.","Ted: Good. 'Cause if you didn't......that would be mighty shellfish.","Jen: Wow, that's bad.","Ted: That's why it's funny!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ted and Jen: We've been on this date before.","Ted: We've been on this exact blind date before.","Jen: In this exact same restaurant.","Ted: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that blind date went too well.","Jen: Me neither. I remember thinking that you were a little snobby.","Ted: Wait, you... You dressur cats up in weird costumes.","Jen: They're not weird. See, you're being snobby again.","Ted: Oh, my God. Do you realize what this means? Since our first date, we've done a complete lap of all the single people inNew York only to end up back here, with each other.","Jen: Whoa. We're going to die alone, aren't we?","Ted: Well, you've got your cats.","They chuckle.","Jen: This is insane.","Ted: Wait, I got to ask. Why did you think I was snobby?","Jen: Wait... Okay... yeah, we were sitting over there... (showing a table)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ted laughs, reading the menu.","Ted: Main Lobster. They spelled \"Maine\" without the \"e.\" Good to know we're not getting the crappy understudy lobsters, right? Tonight, the role of pound-and-a-half lobster will be played by...","Jen: I get it, Ted.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jen: Pointing out spelling errors in a menu makes you seem kind of snooty.","Ted: Huh. I had no idea.","Jen: Okay, well, what about me? Aside from the cats, how did I come across?","Ted: That's right-- the check. The check came and, of course, I was going to pay, but you didn't do the check dance.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The waiter brings the check. Ted takes it and Jen don't even look at it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ted ; Guys want to wave the girl off and, you know, look like a big shot.","Jen: Huh. I had no idea.","Ted: This is good. We're learning stuff. You know what we should do? We should retrace the rest of that night and figure out what else we do wrong on first dates. 'Cause let's be honest, we are scaring people off, Jen.","Jen: We really are. Okay, I'm in.","Ted: Great.","Jen: Where'd we go next?","Ted: I think we went to MacLaren's.","Jen: Okay.","They rise up.","Jen: Hey, I didn't really talk about my cats that much, did I?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jen: And then, there's Tabby-gail Adams, the jester of the group.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jen: Tone down the kitty talk. Check.","They leave the restaurant.","[SCENE_BREAK]","IN. MC LAREN'S","Barney: You will not believe who we saw tonight.","Marshall: Dude, um...","Barney: We saw the third doppelganger!","Ted (2030): I should explain. Over the years we had spotted two strangers who looked exactly like","members of our group.","**FLASHBACK**","OUT. STEET","Barney: Hey, hey, hey, hey! (showing a girl who spits on the ground)","Ted (2030): Lesbian Robin.","OUT. OTHER STREET","The group sees a photo in a bus.","Ted (2030): And Moustache Marshall. By the following summer, we would find the remaining two doppelgangers. But I'll get to that.","**END OF FLASHBACK**","Barney: Ladies, meet Stripper Lily. (showing a photo in his cellular)","Lily: Oh!","Barney: Yeah, I couldn't get her face in it. But she looks just like you.","Lily: So you went to a strip club?","Barney: Busted.","Lily: And there was a stripper who looked exactly like me?","Marshall: Okay, babe, look, before you get mad, let me...","Lily: Awesome! I bet the guys were going crazy. Oh, I bet they wanted to touch her so bad. But all you can do is look, unless you go into the back room, but honey, you got to pay for that.","Robin: So... Strip club.","Barney: Marshall made me go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OUT. STREET","Ted: All right, so what did I do wrong next? Let me have it. I'm here to learn.","Jen: Well, I kept telling you I was cold, but you didn't offer me your jacket.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jen: It's a little brisk out tonight, huh?","Ted: Not really.","Jen: Really? I can't feel my fingers.","Ted: I'm pretty impervious to stuff like that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ted: I couldn't admit I was cold. I didn't want to seem like a wimp compared to your action hero ex-boyfriend who you wouldn't stop talking about.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jen: After a day of fighting fires, Jim would love to come home and unwind working on his '68 Camaro. That or bare-knuck boxing, which he learned in the Marine Corps.","Ted: I had an aunt in the Coast Guard.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jen: Okay, so no talking about the ex. Not even about his shockingly small wiener?","Ted: See? Why didn't you lead off with that?","[SCENE_BREAK]","IN. MC LAREN'S","Lily: Was there a shower on stage? Sometimes there's a shower on stage. I bet stripper me would get in there with another girl and just go bananas.","Barney: See,Marshall? We got to have a bros' night at a strip club and both of our ladies are totally cool with it.","Robin: I'm not cool with it.","Barney: Because they understand that it's healthy for us to do that from time to time.","Robin: It's disgusting.","Barney: Because it's harmless.","Robin: Did one of your whores tell you that?","Barney: And, Lil,Marshall shouldn't have to go to so much trouble just to have an innocent fantasy.","Lily: Trouble? What trouble?","Marshall: It's, no, it's nothing.","Barney: Marshall, tell her. We're all friends here.","Robin: No, we're not.","Marshall: Lily, Sometimes I think about other women. Okay, it happens. But even when I do, I feel so guilty that I have to imagine you... passing away first, because even in a fantasy world, I could never cheat on you. You're... you're just my life, baby. And I love you.","Lily: You kill me off?! I mean, fantasize about other girls all you want, but could you maybe not murder me?!","Marshall: Murder?! No! I, baby-no. You develop a chronic illness! I spare no expense for your care! I even stand up a foundation in your name. We're, like, this close to a cure.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OUT. STREET","Ted: Remember? (showing the Mc Laren's bar)","Jen: Oh, yeah! I do remember. We went in here for a drink with your friends. Who I loved... Or hated, depending on whether you're still friends with them.","Ted: You loved them.","Jen: They're family, Ted.","Ted: Let's go in and see what they remember. And they are my best friends, so don't be surprised if they suddenly \"can't think\" of anything I do wrong.","IN. MC LAREN'S","Robin: Did he juggle? Bad puns? Mmm. Expect a standing ovation for picking up a $19 check","Lily: Oh, let's not forget the menu typo gold mine. Keep pannin' that river, buddy.","Marshall: Well, it is a lot cheaper than buying a condom. Oh!","Jen: Actually you know what it was? I remember him coming across as kind of a player.","Ted: Me?","All the other: Ted?","Jen: Yeah. We were all sitting over there... (showing a table)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jen: And here's a picture of my cats dressed up like Batman villains. You got the Joker, the Riddler, Mr. Freeze...","Lily: What about Cat Woman?","Jen: Yeah, that would've been good.","Barney: Psst! Ted! (showing a girl with his head)","Ted: (looking at the girl) Nice.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ted: Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no! I remember that. I was not checking out a girl.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Barney ; Psst, Ted. (showing a Moustache Marshall with his head)","Ted: Nice.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ted: We were checking out Moustache Marshall.","The other: Ah...","Jen: Gosh, I thought you were such a jerk. I'm so sorry.","Ted: Yeah, well, it's nice to know \"past me\" wasn't a total jackass, huh?","Jen: \"Present you\" isn't so bad, either.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OUT. ROOFTOP OF TED'S BUILDING","Jen: Thank you very much.","Ted: You got it.","Jen: Yes. Oh, yeah! I remember this.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ted: ...and there's theChryslerBuilding. And the Empire State Building. And at 12:00, a rotund couple going at it against the glass.","Jen: Aww... That's kind of sweet. Oh, look. Snack break.","Ted: Good for them. Letting a guy eat pizza off your back, that's love. So, um... I know this wasn't the best","first date of all time, but, uh, I'm glad we stuck it out.","Jen: Me, too.","They kiss.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ted: That was really great. Wh... What went wrong?","Jen: I remember now.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jen: (after the kiss) Wow.","Ted: Yeah. So would you maybe, um... want to go out again?","Jen: Yeah, I, I would. Will you call me?","Ted: Absolutely.","Jen: Promise?","Ted: Promise.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ted: I have been so busy.","Jen: Good night, Ted.","She's leaving when her phone rings.","Jen: Hello?","Ted: Jen, I sorry. Look, I know I'm seven years late with this call, but I was an idiot back then. You saw the goatee. The truth is, I had a great time tonight, and I'd love to see you again.","Jen: Ted, there are two kinds of guys. The guys that you want to call you, who don't; and the guys you don't want to call you, who always do. And somehow, right now, you're both.","[SCENE_BREAK]","IN. MC LAREN's","Lily: Baby... You should be able to fantasize about another woman without feeling guilty, or you know, killing me off.","Marhsall: I wish that I could, but I've been doing this for so long, I'm all confused about death and s*x. It's gotten to the pot where every time I drive past a cemetery, I'm sportin' a partial.","Lily: All right, we got to fix this.","[SCENE_BREAK]","IN. STRIP CLUB","Lily: Okay, when Stripper Lily gets out here, you have my permission to fantasize about her. And since she's basically me, maybe you won't feel guilty.","Marshall: Thanks, baby. I'm-I'm so lucky I have you. And stripper you.","Lily: Bring out Stripper Lily!","Barney: (to Robin) You know, I don't come here that much.","Waitress: Hey, Barney. He's the usual and I'll send over the other usual as soon as she's done stretching.","Barney: Thank you, kindly stranger.","Voice: Ladies and gentlemen... Oh, hey, Barney. Didn't see you come in. I'll load up some AC\/DC for you, buddy. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for J-J-Jasmine.","Jasmine starts her show.","Lily: I am hot! Oh, crawl for it, stripper me.I is awesome. Baby, can I get another hundred?","Marshall: That was a hundred?","Lily: Wow, she crawls fast.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OUT. ROOFTOP","Ted: Look, Jen, I wish I could go back and talk some sense into 2002 Ted, but that guy's a lost cause. He's 24. He thinks a little facial hair makes him look like John Depp. And he has no idea what a great girl he's missing out on. But I've learned a lot since then. I've learned a lot tonight.","Jen: The only thing that we've learned is that, seven years ago, it was mistake for us to go out. And I guess it was a mistake for us to go out tonight.","Ted: No, it wasn't. I had a great time tonight. And seven years ago, if you think about it, we didn't miss by that much. If a couple things had gone a little bit differently... who knows what","would have happened?","Ted imagines: She wants to pay the restaurant. He offers her his jacket. They takes pictures with Moustache Marshall. He calls her after their date. They marry.","Jen: Wow.","Marshall: Wow.","[SCENE_BREAK]","STRIP CLUB","Barney: You are the best. My girlfriend is at a strip club with me and she couldn't care less.","Robin: I do care, Barney. Look, we're dating now, okay? That changes things. We have to have a serious talk about this.","Barney: Just the best.","Marshall: Hey. Girlfriend trouble? I wish I could help, but my unbelievably cool wife just bought us a private dance with her stripper body double. So if you need me, I'll be getting grinded like some pepper, in theChampagne room.","Barney: Just the best.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OUT. ROOFTOP","Jen: ... now what?","Ted: I just remembered why I didn't call you.","Jen: Why?","Ted: I can't believe I'm gonna screw this up again, but, um... I like finding typos in menus.","Jen: What?","Ted: And I know my shellfish pun is stupid but the truth... I'm not suddenly gonna stop making stupid jokes.","Jen: Now that you mention it... I'm never going to stop talking about my cats. They're funny and adorable and totally worth having to take six Benadryl a day.","Ted: Shouldn't we hold out for the person who doesn't just tolerate our little quirks, but actually kind of likes them? Even if it means finding ourselves on another blind date with each other, seven years from now?","Jen: Oh, dear God, I hope that doesn't happen.","Ted: Well... good luck out there, Jen.","Jen: You too, Ted. You'll find your shellfish lady.","Ted (2030): And kids, when I told your mother that shellfish joke, she did laugh. And I swear, it was only, like, 30% pity.","[SCENE_BREAK]","IN. STRIP CLUB","Jasmine is on the stage, but is not doing very well. Lily is coming near Marshall.","Marshall: Hey, Lil. Looks like, uh, Jasmine's having a hard time getting out of those boots.","Lily: (smoking and looking weird) What did you say, buddy?","Marshall: Lily?","Lily: Who? Oh, yes... I am this Lily. We married long time. May I have monies for shopping?","Marshall: (going on the stage) Lily!"],"Show Title":"How I Met Your Mother","Episode Number":"05x02","Episode Title":"Double Date","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"How_I_Met_Your_Mother_06x16.json","Recap":["The gang tries to finalize their plans for Valentine's Day with less than 24 hours to go. Lily faces the prospect of spending the day without Marshall. Robin spends the holiday with her co-workers while Barney tries to take advantage of dateless women."],"Transcript":["Ted from 2030: My first kiss with Zoey was amazing, and complicated.","Ted: Look, um... I know you're going through a lot right now. Getting divorced, being single, figuring out who you are on your own.","Zoey: Someone knows how to set a mood.","Ted: I just mean... I'm okay taking this slow. I want to do this right.","Ted from 2030: My friends, as usual, were completely supportive.","The Bar","Barney: You're doing this all wrong! Ted, there are couples in my kindergarten class who have moved faster than you two. Granted, their home lives are not great.","Ted: Hey, I'm trying. I keep suggesting these big, romantic dates, and she keeps putting on the brakes. Like tonight, she wants me to just come over and bake cookies.","Robin: Oh. Translation: booty-call.","Barney: Total booty-call.","Lily: Private Booty, reporting for duty.","Ted: That's crazy. She-She wants to bake.","Robin: Guys booty-call girls after 2:00 a.m. with a drunkenly slurred, \"What ya doing?\" But when a lady booty-calls a guy, she invents a respectable excuse to mask the fact that she wants to get stuck real good.","Lily: It's called class, Ted.","Ted: Wait. That... You think that's what she means by \"baking cookies\"?","Lily: Are you kidding? You're in the kitchen, it's getting hot, you start licking stuff off each others' fingers. Before you know it, she's bent over the marble island, and you're spanking her with a rubber spatula. And she's screaming, \"Stop, Marshall, stop,\" but that's just code for \"harder!\"","Ted: Marshall's been in Minnesota a while, huh?","Lily: So long! And now he's staying even longer. His mom has been having a really hard time since the funeral. He's waiting on her hand and foot. But... it's Valentine's Day. It's not going to be the same without the two of us watching Predator together.","Ted from 2030: I should explain. On their very first Valentine's Day, Marshall and Lily set out to watch Sleepless in Seattle.","[FLASHBACK]","Marshall: You know, I saw this in the theater, like, five times, but I never got to see it with the right girl.","Lily: I'm so glad none of those girls were right for you.","Marshall: What girls?","ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER: If it bleeds, we can kill it.","Ted from 2030: Except Marshall's brothers had taped over it with Predator. And it became a tradition.","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Barney: Wow, you sound really lonely.","Lily: I am. Earlier today, I burst into tears...","Barney: Shh. Daddy's talking now. Loneliness. The looming specter of Valentine's Day fast approaching. The two key ingredients to my favorite day of the year, February 13: Desperation Day.","Robin: That's not a thing.","Barney: It's a thing. Much like Valentine's Day itself, Desperation Day dates back thousands of years. Weddings were forbidden under ancient Roman law, so Saint Valentine performed them in secret, under threat of death.","Ted: That's actually true.","Barney: Wait, there's more.","Ted: This won't be.","[FLASHBACK]","Barney: And right by Saint Valentine's side was his best bro, Saint Desperatius, there to pick off insecure bridesmaids.","Saint Desperatius: Whoa. Check out that one. Her body is a perfect X.","Saint Valentine: Player, play on. High V.","Woman: Oh, Jupiter, what are your plans for me? 15 and still unmarried.","Saint Desperatius: And I thought Pompeii was smokin'.","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Barney: Every woman wants a date on Valentine's Day. That neediness reaches its climax... what up... on February 13. A magical night when a ten has the self-esteem of a four and the depraved enthusiasm of a two. Now, there's only one thing you can't do.","Robin: Please say \"widows.\"","Barney: Wherever you are, or whoever you're under, you must get home alone by 11:59 p.m. Otherwise, you're on a date on Valentine's Day.","Robin: Barney, Desperation Day assumes that all single women freak out about Valentine's Day. Which we do not. Case in point, I will be spending February 13 with some lovely single ladies from work...","Barney: Trolls.","Robin: ...who could care less about Valentine's Day.","Barney: Lying trolls.","Robin: And we will be celebrating the fact that we don't have to spend it with some dippy guy carting around roses and stuffed toys all night. Oh, no offense, Ted.","Ted: And none was taken until just then.","[OPENING CREDITS]","Lily: I decided to go to Minnesota to see Marshall. He shouldn't have to help his mom through this rough time all by himself.","Barney: You losing your mind, being alone in your apartment?","Lily: I'm getting weird!","[FLASHBACK]","Lily: See, it started off with me throwing Marshall's jersey on my body pillow. And, well, things kind of spiraled from there. I'm sorry I yelled like that before.","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Lily: I call him \"Marshpillow.\" And he calls me... nothing because he's a pillow.","(Ted enters)","Robin: Hey. How was \"baking cookies\" last night?","Ted from 2030: That was a tough question. You see...","[FLASHBACK]","Zoey: Uh... Is that an overnight bag?","[END OF FLASHBACK]","(Lily and Robin groan)","Lily: You brought an overnight bag?","Ted: You guys said I was definitely going to spend the night.","Barney: We said you were going to have s*x. We didn't say, \"Bring a carry-on.\"","Robin: So how did Zoey react?","Ted: She thought it was presumptuous and asked me to leave. It's-It's not like I brought a ton of stuff.","Robin: Were there slippers for the morning?","Ted: Not slippers, exactly.","(Lily, Robin and Barney groaning)","Ted: They're called British morning socks.","At the Eriksens' house","Judy: This is such a nice surprise. Marshall will be so happy.","Lily: How are you holding up, Judy?","Judy: Oh, I'm doin' okay. It gets a little lonely. My friends suggested a body pillow, but...(chuckles) I'm not a lunatic.","Marshall: Hey, Mom? I hate to be that guy, but I'm pretty sure it was Hot Pocket o'clock, like, ten minutes ago. Lily. What are you doing here?","Lily: I wanted to surprise you.","Marshall: Oh, my gosh. That's so sweet. I'm so glad you're here. Hey, um, before I forget, Mom, did you remember to get more double-A batteries?","Judy: Oh, they're upstairs, sweetie. Right next to your washed and folded clothes.","Marshall: Oh, great, okay. I don't want my Game Boy to crap out. I'm having the sickest Dr. Mario run of my life. Okay. I'll be right back. I love you, Lily. Okay. You're the best, Mom.","Judy: Aw... Anything for my baby bear. Get him out of my house. Take Marshall back to New York with you. Please, I am begging you.","Lily: I thought he was here helping you.","Judy: Well, he was, at first. But once he saw me starting to do better, he kind of regressed. He's been holed up in his room for days at a time, playing old video games. I mean, he is having a pretty sick Dr. Mario run, but...","Lily: Uh, I'll talk to him.","Judy: I want to be there for him, but it's like he's a teenager again. I even walked in on him abusing himself.","Lily: Oh, God.","Judy: There he was, on the bed, looking at old photos of his dad. That's emotional self-abuse, don't you think?","Ted's appartment","(knocking)","Ted: Listen, that was a dumb move for me to just assume...","Zoey: No, no, I overreacted. I mean, I invited you over to \"bake cookies.\" We both knew what that meant.","Ted: We totally did.","Zoey: I just, you know... I saw those slippers in your bag, and suddenly everything felt really serious. And... ever since, I've been asking myself, \"Am I ready for this?\" And... the answer is \"yes.\"","Ted: They're actually called British morning socks.","Zoey: Yeah. Don't get in your own way.","Ted: Right. Okay.","At the Eriksens' house","Lily: Um, Marshall, your mom asked me to carry this up. She turned her ankle on your Hot Wheels. Is my track okay? It's fine, but, Marshall, I thought you were here taking care of your mom. It seems like she's taking care of you.","Marshall: My mom loves to feel needed. Letting her take care of me is how I'm taking care of her. She's in a dark place, Lily. She needs this. Mom? You forgot my chocolate milk with the swirly straw!","Judy: Oops. Comin' right up!","Marshall, whispers: She needs this.","Lily: Marshall, tomorrow's Valentine's. Don't you want to be at home on our couch, cuddling up under a warm blanket, watching the Predator use his heat vision to stalk helpless prey?","Marshall: Well, baby, we could watch Predator here. No, my mom can go rent it for us after she's done digging out the car.","Lily: Marshall, your mom wants you out of here.","Marshall: What?","Judy: Anything else, sweetie?","Marshall: Mom, d-do you want me to leave?","Judy: Heavens to Bess, no! Of course not!","Lily: But, Judy, you said...","Judy: Oh, if Marshall could stay here forever, I would be the happiest mom in Minnesota.","Zoey: So Valentine's Day is tomorrow.","Ted: Yeah. You know, there's this new Italian restaurant on 79th that's supposed to be amazing.","Zoey: I would be happier having just a simple, home-cooked meal. As long as it's with you.","Ted: Tomorrow night, my place.","Zoey: I'm ready for this, Ted. I am in it for the long haul. I can't wait for our first Valentine's Day as a couple. The one we'll remember for years.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The bar","Ted: Isn't that great?","Robin: Yeah, if you say so, yeah.","Ted: What do you mean?","Robin: Look, she just got out of a marriage, Ted. That's heavy. I'm kind of freaking out, just listening to you. My heart is pounding, I'm hearing this weird clicking noise.","Ted: Well, it's romantic, right? Zoey and I are getting serious on Valentine's Day.","Robin: See, that just amps up the pressure even more. Boy, it's a good thing that you're sure.","Ted: Who said I wasn't sure? I'm glad we're in a serious relationship. Right away. And if I screw this up, I'm the devil, because she's going through a divorce. But I'm not going to screw this up. So stop freaking out, Robin. Stop freaking out!","Ted from 2030: Kids, I'm not super proud of what I did next.","At the Eriksens' House","Ted: Hi! I'm here to help Marshall.","Ted from 2030: Meanwhile, as Desperation Day turned into Desperation Night...","The Bar","Barney: God, these girls are so hungry for male attention. It is like being a hunter and having the deer walk up, tie itself to the hood of your car and beg to get mounted.","Robin: Barney, this is Bev and Anna, uh, my coworkers and my friends. Bev, Anna, this is Barney, a high-functioning sociopath and my ex.","Barney: Enchant\u00e9. That's French for \"What's with the purple?\"","Robin: Well, tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and everything is pink and red, so Bev very thoughtfully suggested that we wear purple to show how little we care.","Bev: I use, uh, colors to express emotion. Purple is for pride. It was a stupid idea.","Anna: Bev, you look at me. It's not a stupid idea. Tonight, we are queens.","Robin: And we don't care about some stupid, sexist, corporate holiday.","Barney: Please! You might as well be dog-earing a tear-stained bridal magazine while wolfing down the box of chocolates you had delivered to yourself at work from your \"fianc\u00e9\" who no one's ever met.","Bev: Gerard is real!","At the Eriksens' house","(Ted and Marshall are playing video games)","Lily: Ted... I thought you were going to talk to Marshall about coming back to New York.","Ted: Yeah, but, you know, things move so fast in New York. Why not hang out here until at least after Valentine's Day. Plus, we're helping Marshall's mom. Uh, Mrs. Eriksen, we're running low on SunnyD!","Judy: Is orange juice okay?","Ted & Marshall: No!","The Bar","Barney: Okay, when your \"fianc\u00e9\" Gerard comes back from fixing cleft palates in Peru, maybe snatch a photo of the two of you together, and then I'll totally believe you.","Bev: Well, he's going to Kenya after Peru, so...","Nora: Hey, guys, so sorry I'm late.","Robin: Hey. Hey, Nora. Uh, Nora, this is Barney. You want to see Anna beat him in an arm wrestle?","Barney: My elbow slipped!","At the Eriksens' house","Lily: Marshall, I'm going home.","Marshall: What?","Lily: I'm flying out tonight before the big storm, and I want you to come with me.","Marshall: I can't right now, 'cause my mom needs me.","Lily: While I'm sure it's been really helpful for her to have you here playing Super Mario Kart for 14 hours a day...","Ted: You have Super Mario Kart?!","Marshall: Hell, yeah.","Lily: But your mom doesn't need you. Your life in New York needs you. It needs you really bad.","Marshall: Baby, don't go.","Lily: Please come home soon.","The Bar","Barney: So, you were an Olympic gymnast?","Woman: Silver medal.","Barney: Ooh, sorry. Gold's the only thing that really counts.","Woman: That's what my dad said.","Barney: And she sticks the landing. Why don't you start stretching, and I'll... be right back. Hey, hey, sorry.","Nora: Oh, hi.","Barney: Quick question.","Nora: Yeah.","Barney: Why aren't you wearing purple like your friends?","Nora: Oh, I told them I forgot, but the truth is, I'm kind of protesting their protest. Can you keep a secret?","Barney: Sure.","Nora: I love Valentine's Day.","Barney: Oh, my gosh! Me, too! Um, is it getting crowded in here, 'cause I think there are two peas in this pod?","Nora: Oh, you're a gooey romantic, too?","Barney: Guilty. This is embarrassing but every year, I buy flowers and a box of chocolates, even if I'm not with someone. Just in case, you know?","Nora: We are pitiful.","Barney: The worst.","(both chuckle)","Nora: Although there is one difference between you and me.","Barney: What's that?","Nora: I'm not saying any of this to get in your pants.","At the Eriksen's House","Marshall: I miss my dad, Ted. I miss him so much.","Ted: I know.","Marshall: Um, when I was a kid, we would spend the summers in the Upper Peninsula. And every year, we wouldn't get to the cabin till, like, the middle of the night. And so, it would be pitch black, in the middle of the woods. And I could never see anything in front of the headlights but I always felt so safe 'cause my dad was driving. He was like some sort of superhero who could just see way out into the darkness. Now he's just gone. And it's pitch black. And I can't see where I'm going. I can't see anything.","The Bar","Barney: All right, okay. I was playing you before. But I was really doing you a public service. It's February 13... a day many are now calling Desperation Day. It's kind of a thing. And you walking around, saying you're a gooey romantic? It comes across a bit desperate.","Nora: What's desperate about knowing what you want? Look, life is really short, Barney. Who wants to spend Valentine's Day alone, distracting yourself from the fact that nobody loves you with some sad little activity?","Barney: Um, or you could be in the 47th Semi-Annual Laser Tag Tournament in Poughkeepsie.","Nora: I have no idea what any of those words mean.","Woman: Hey, I'm all stretched out!","Barney: Here's the first thing you need to know about laser tag.","At the Eriksens' House","Marshall: Thanks a lot for coming out here, man.","Ted: Yeah.","Marshall: Hey, are-are you sure it's okay with Zoey that you're here for Valentine's Day?","Ted: Well, I mean, technically, she doesn't know yet.","Marshall: What?","Ted: Things with Zoey are moving really fast, and the divorce just makes everything more complicated. I just, I needed to take a step back.","Marshall: You're not taking a step back. You're running away. And hiding out here, hiding out here is not gonna solve anything. You're just holed up in Minnesota because you're too scared to face reality, and it's... We got to go back to New York, tonight.","Ted: We're snowed in. Lily got the last flight.","Marshall: So, we drive. It's time. It's time to get back to real life. It's time to grow up. Yeah Mom! Can you make us some PB and J's for the road?","Ted: Crusts cut off.","Marshall: Crusts cut off! No, Ted. What are we...? We're men. Mom! Leave the crusts on! They forced their opponents to scatter, picking them off, one by one, in a swift and merciless slaughter.","The Bar","Barney: ...became the 2010 Tri-County Champions.","Nora: Wow. Laser tag sounds brilliant!","Barney: Oh, it is. Plus, if you win, you get free pizza. This is my teammate for tomorrow.","Robin: Oh, yeah, I agreed to that.","Nora: Where are Bev and Anna?","Robin: Well...","[FLASHBACK]","Bev: So, we're taking off.","Robin: What?","Anna: Those guys are gonna buy us hot dogs at Grey's Papaya.","Robin: What...? So that's it? A couple of white Urkels offer you sausages, and you're gone? What about the sisterhood? Solidarity? The color purple?","Bev: But tomorrow's Valentine's Day.","Robin: I thought we didn't care about Valentine's Day.","Anna: Look, Robin, you'll find someone, too. You're a queen. You've got so much to offer. Maybe do something with that hair.","[END OF FLASHBACK]","Barney: I'm telling you. The power of Valentine's Day. I'm Huey Lewis, and you just heard the news.","Nora: Well, I think I'm heading out, too.","Barney: What? No, don't go! You want to see a magic trick?!","Nora: It's late, and I have a date with my pillow. I mean, not literally. I'm not a lunatic. Boy Scout Troop 15 doesn't stand a chance. Bye.","Robin: Speaking of the power of Valentine's Day...","Barney: What are you talking about?","Robin: Oh, come on. It's-It's past midnight. Desperation Day has come and gone, and you have neither gone nor come. You know why? You like Nora.","Barney: No, I don't. She's gross.","Robin: Oh... You like her. You think she smells like rain.","Barney: Whatever you say.","Robin: Oh, hey, Nora.","Barney: Nora...","MARVIN: Here's a secret. I couldn't see worth a damn, either, buddy. I just kept driving forward, hoping for the best. Look out! Gotcha.","Ted from 2030: And so we drove through the night, out of Desperation Day and into Valentine's. And there was no trace of my little freak out, except...","Ted's appartment","Zoey: Really? An overnight bag for your own living room? Looks like we got a matching set.","Ted: Well, that was kind of presumptuous.","At the Laser Tag Center","Barney: The ground was shaking like. Robin, where are you? Those Boy Scouts have grown a foot since last year. They're terrifying!","Robin: Oh, yeah. Change of plans. Happy Valentine's Day.","Barney: Hap...?","Nora: Hey, Barney. Robin told me to meet you guys here.","Ted from 2030: And that's how, for the first time in his life, Barney Stinson wound up on a date on Valentine's Day.","(Barney's shot)","Barney: Oh!","Nora: You will be avenged.","At Lily's","SCHWARZENEGGER (over TV): Come on! Come on! Kill me! I'm here! Kill me!","Lily: Baby, you're back.","Marshall: Happy Valentine's Day, Lily Pad. Oh.","(Lily is sitting on the couch, talking to her Marshpillow)","Lily: We both knew this would end eventually."],"Show Title":"How I Met Your Mother","Episode Number":"06x16","Episode Title":"Desperation Day","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"How_I_Met_Your_Mother_07x03.json","Recap":["Ted runs into his old girlfriend, Victoria, and tries to make amends with her since he cheated during their relationship. She reveals she's engaged to a man she met in Germany. Marshall and Lily make a bet with Barney that could force him to wear Marshall's ducky tie."],"Transcript":["Marshall: Oh my God, guys, I still have a hangover. Did I really ruin a marriage?","Ted: No, you did not ruin a marriage. Only reception.","Robin: And Miztva Bar next door.","Lily: And my dress. And your dress. You put a dress at one point.","Marshall: Ok, you know what, it's good. I'll be a father, and I want to be the kind of man that my child can watch. Therefore, new resolution... I will never drunk! I'm serious!","Ted (2030): Children, this is not your Uncle Marshall was a problem with the drink. But every time he was a good resolution, we knew about that... Flashback The day before, Marshall returned to the apartment, drunk.","Marshall: I've done it again!","Ted (2030): But I lost a bit in the story. End flashback Barney joined the others on crutches.","Lily: What happened to your leg?","Barney: Oh, nothing. I must have coffee with Nora. She is still angry, so I need some \"sympathy points\". She loves musicals, so I'll tell him that I fell off stage during a performance of \"Man of La Mancha.\" What do you think?","Ted: Lose the cast.","Barney: A one-man show... I love it!","Lily: Let us be clear... this woman is angry against you because you lied to him. So your solution is to claim that you broke your leg?","Barney: You're right. A cervical neck brace! Thank you, Lil. I should have to talk to you soon. I trained all day with these crutches and one who has left in my hall is likely to need it.","Ted: Well, I have good news. As you know, I recently decided to start out and see the girls. Flashback Ted is at the newsstand and a woman reads the magazine in which it appears.","Woman: Is this you?","Ted: Uh, yes. Salvation. I'm Ted.","Woman: Hi. End flashback","Lily: That's great, Ted.","Ted: It was a completely random moment. The kind that you can create yourself... At least I thought. Flashback Ted behind her magazine down and when a woman arrives.","Ted: Oh, no. How have I landed on it? Salvation. Ted Mosby. (With another woman) I plead guilty. Salvation. Ted Mosby. (And another) It's embarrassing. I will be on the cover of \"An egg on my face\" magazine. But I'm not. I'm on the cover of that one. Salvation. Ted Mosby. End flashback","Ted: completely random 16 times in one day, and 16 of these, 10 were single. Of these 10, seven have loved what they saw. Of these seven, four were women. And these four, two have given me their real number. And I go with both. Marshall's phone rings.","Marshall: Guys, this is Garrison Cootes.","Ted (2030): Children, Garrison Cootes was a major partner of Honeywell & Cootes. One of the largest environmental law firms in the United States.Marshall would have given anything to work there.","Marshall: If I did not work, I could finish... in kind, a Taco Belle somewhere. And nobody wants that. Unless you want to do this, like this you would have free tacos, since you are my friends. But now I need you all calmiez! (He finally won) Hello.","Garrison: Marshall, it's Garrison Cootes. Sorry for not having reminded you earlier but I was stuck. What's funny, because I'm literally stuck in a swamp. Well, anyway, here I am trying to collect some samples for this trial on the pollution that we are working.","Marshall: I love the work you do.","Garrison: It's a...","Marshall: No, I mean it.","Garrison: No, no, there is a crocodile a few meters from me. So I'll just ignore the warm urine running down my leg right now, and tell you that we are very interested in your case.","Marshall: He's interested!","Garrison: Obviously, we need to do some sort of verification purpose, you see, an investigation of crime and a Google search, but if nothing seems wrong to us, it takes you.","Marshall: It's fantastic, Mr Cootes!","Garrison: Well, I'm going. It's very funny because in fact I really have run away.","Marshall: The crocodile you saw?","Garrison: He is coming, yes.","GENERIC","Ted (2030): The next night, Barney and Nora saw each other for a coffee.Fortunately, without the neck brace ridiculous.","Barney: Hi Nora, thank you for coming.","Nora: What happened to your neck?","Barney: My naked...? Oh, that's nothing. I was playing in a One Man Show at Fiddler. There was this scene...","Nora: Wow, this one has a beautiful chest.","Barney, turning: What? Where? Oh, and sh1t.","Nora: Breasts...","Barney: Wait, Nora, waiting... No, please. I'm sorry.","Nora: What is wrong with you? What kind of people need to lie like that?","Barney: Someone who likes you, really. And suspicious, and probably accurately you do it over more later, and therefore he feels the need... I'm sorry, you spoke of this fantastic pair of tits, right? Because I seek, and I do not see them.","Ted returned to his apartment.","Ted: I just had two rencards following. With two adorable girls, four cappuccinos and wait... (2 minutes later...) I do not know which was the best. Here are the girls: Jessica is a student in Rhode Island, she traveled around the world, speaks four languages and plays the piano. Claire and fought for the bill. So I do not know. It is torture. You see, the two girls have the potential to be really special. They both deserve a second round.","Lily: Wait a minute. You're going to handle two girls at once? You do not think you should pick one before it gets too serious?","Ted: Define \"serious\".","Lily: Well, it's complicated. I think it would be when you have expectations, emotional involvement...","Marshall: Third base. Seriously, third base.","Ted: So I can go to the second two with no problem?","Marshall: Treat yourself my friend. Treat yourself. Oh no.","Ted (2030): Since Mr. Cootes had mentioned the investigation, Marshall ran through internet. The majority of what he found was touching, seeing truly extraordinary, until...","Marshall: Poor. This is very bad.","Girl: Thank you, Stacy. Wesleyan has a cafeteria. Thank you to the generous donation of... Marshall arrives on camera, naked.","Marshall: Oh! Oh! Someone there mentioned generous donation? I'm Marshall Eriksen. But you can call me Biercules!","Lily: Well, it could be anyone. And thin, I had forgotten this story Biercules.Who made this site first?","Marshall: Pete Durkenson.","Ted: Of course.","Robin: This is the guy who convinced you to run around campus naked?","Marshall: I wanted to join a club that I left three days later, because the clubs are stupid and elitist. And I also discovered that it was not a club.","Ted: Oh my God. This is huge! I am invited to the Ball of Architects, the annual gala honoring the greatest architects of the city. Oh no. You guys see the problem?","Robin: This is an annual gala that honors the greatest architects of the city?","Ted: Robin, this is the biggest celebrity event of the year. In taking a girl at the ball, man, you reached third base. Whatever the girl I invite, it will be the steady girlfriend of Ted Mosby by the end of the evening. Ok, we stop to sit between two chairs. Robin, bring me my notebook. It's time to make lists of pros and cons.","Ted (2030): And the children they loved.","Nora: Let me clarify something for you. I do not date guys who lie to me.","Barney: Okay, I did not know. Mea culpa. So, from now, more lies. I never lie to you. I'm serious. Ask me anything.","Nora: OK Have you ever managed to get in bed with a woman that you lied?","Barney: Have I ever... If I'm totally honest... Yes.","Nora: More than once?","Barney: More than once... Wow, this is... I guess if we... so, technically, there were a number of times I've lied to a woman to sleep with her.","Nora: They were worth what?","Barney: Nine or ten for most. There has been a 4 once. It was an easy girl.But, Nora, after that, I had to flee so fast. Honesty is good.","Nora: What was the lie?","Barney: You want me to tell all the lies I have told to put a woman in my bed?","Nora: A bed or any other place where you're sent into the air.","Barney: You are good. Marshall goes to meet Pete.","Marshall: Pete, Pete. Hey!","Pete: Biercules! Come here, man.","Marshall: Hey, I tried to call you all night.","Pete: My God, sorry. I should have responded but it was Thursday night.","Marshall: It is Sunday.","Pete: And you know what that means. \"Edward bottles with money\"!","Ted (2030): Children, Edward bottles for money is a game that involves taping two bottles of liquor at the base of the hands. The goal is to finish the two bottles. Oh my God, why am I telling you this? Good move.","Marshall: Ok, you know this old video of me?","Pete: I watch it every day.","Marshall: You have to take away the internet. Genre immediately.","Pete: There are two ways for me to do it: Either you give me $ 4 million, or help me to go to the bathroom because I can not...","Marshall: Yes, both are non-negotiable refusal.","Pete: So, I'm sorry we could not handle together. But if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of the game \"to Edward bottles of money,\" and the competition is raised.","Marshall: Who are you playing anyway?","Pete: Just myself.","Ted (2030): Meanwhile, Barney continued to list every lie he used to sleep.","Barney: I do not have time to explain how I got there. I just need someone to suck the poison. The surgeon gave me a new face, darling. You realize that I am alive? My name is David Beckham. If I castais only the white swan, is the role for you. No, I am a lesbian. What I wear is just very realistic.","Nora: Ok, let's move. What was the worst? The best of the worst? The cream of the crop?","Barney: Oh, once I am the soul man. There was this pretty girl who only go out with black.","Woman: Barney! Oh no, I knew it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ted, Lily and Robin are in the apartment.","Ted: I can not choose. They are both extraordinary.","Robin: If architects had only two bullets, eh Ted?","Lily: I knew it. Ted, left or right?","Ted: Yes, yes, good idea. Let fate decide? I will choose the left.","Lily, slapping him: Just called one of the two.","Robin: Ted, to your heart, you know that you love one more than the other.Believe me, takes the other.","Ted: Uh, I have perhaps not been clear is the... Robin Ball Architects.This event is a very hip.","Robin: Ok, name one celebrity who will be there.","Ted: Lenny Kravitz.","Robin: Lenny Kravitz will be there?","Ted: Yes. He is there every year. And it's a rock star.","Robin: You know, Ted, in hindsight, it is too early to choose between these two girls. Takes a friend. Like, I dunno, maybe a friend who has a poster of Lenny Kravitz on his wall, and may or may not have dated this post and transported from his high school...","Ted: This list of pros and cons leads to nothing. I need a color scale.","Lily and Robin: Scale of colors!","Ted (2030): And the children, we really sang.","Marshall: Pete, please. I am unemployed. I have a huge mortgage. A baby arriving. And I'm about to lose a job that I really need because of a drunken video of 15 years ago.","Pete: Ugh, you mean? Biercules, what's going on? Looks like you're another person. The guy in this video was cool. It had potential. It could have been president of a club one day.","Marshall: There is no club.","Pete: There he is just a troublemaker.","Marshall: It's not that I want to be a troublemaker. Fair, I must be one. I'll be a dad. You have children one day, you will understand.","Pete: Dude, I have 4 children.","Marshall: Pete, please, remove the video.","Pete: Ok, Biercules, I will remove it. If... you can beat me to the game of my choice.","Marshall: Oh no.","Pete: And I choose the beautiful game, the sweet science...","Marshall: Pete, please, I'm tired...","Pete: The sport of kings...","Marshall: I do not want to play Edward bottles money.","Pete: I was going to the darts, but it's Edward bottles to money!","Barney: And that made all the lies related to space. Let the world of sports. Oh wait, I forgot for a space: \"I was bitten by a snake space. You have to suck all the poison around my... \"","Nora: Okay, Barney, I have things to work tomorrow at 8 am which means I have just enough time to spend 11h in my shower to wash away all that.","Barney: So that was cool. I can remember, or...?","Nora: Barney, you're funny, beautiful, and really nice. But you are also a sociopath.","Barney: Well, I count three for and one against.","Nora: How can you still believe you have a chance with me?","Barney: Because you are sat here all night. You could leave, but you did not. Listen, Nora, these lies, it was the old me. But I swear I try to change.You... make me want to change.","Nora: How I know this is not a lie?","Barney: I will prove it. I'll show you how much I'm serious. I will not leave this restaurant as I have not got a second date with you.","Nora: Goodbye Barney.","Barney: I do not laugh. It is a restaurant 24h\/24. I will stay forever if necessary. And I will. Just water for me please. Ted shows the color scale to Lily and Robin.","Ted: Ok, so the red bar indicates the level of attractiveness, blue, intellectual stimulation, green, emotional connection, yellow, compatibility aspirations of life, and purple, so she tried to pay or not.","Lily: Well, it looks like Jessica wins in the first four categories.","Ted: Do not fight in... Robin leaves his room in evening dress.","Robin: Oh, that? It's nothing. It cost me three months' rent, and uh, I have never worn because I bought it for a big party to which you would have asked what did not happen. But, you know what? Do not feel guilty.","Ted: What big event?","Robin: This thing with your uncle.","Ted: His funeral? It fell into the water, he emerged miraculously from his coma.","Robin: And I forgive you. Now I can have my place and meet Lenny Kravitz? Marshall returned to the apartment, drunk.","Marshall: I've done it again!","Lily: Oh, dear. You're still drunk. I can not believe that I made the bet.","Marshall: Just to be clear, \"I've done it again!\"... Am not referring to my current state of inebriation.","Lily: What does it therefore reference? Video shows Marshall, nude with two bottles taped hands.","Marshall: My name is Marshall Eriksen. I'm 33 and if my potential future employer, Garrison Cootes, look at this... Prostrate to Biercules!","Lily: Well... it could be anyone... The phone rings but Pete it in the hands taped to the bottles.","Pete: Oh, God... Lily is on the phone.","Lily: Pete, it's Lily Aldrin. I'll be brief. You're going out this video of Marshall. You know why? Because I am friends with three girls with whom you came to school, and girls say it all together. Every small detail.Huh. So... tick, tick... Pete so goes the clock in the little dick.","Ted: Pete has a small dick?","Lily: I have no idea. Well, what do you take?","Marshall: It had to happen eventually. I tried so hard to suppress my... \"side-idiot-who-is-not-care-for nothing\" he rebelled and has struggled!","Robin: It's for sure!","Marshall's voice: Look at me! I am a windmill!","Marshall: Who do I crazy? I'm not ready to be a father. I thought I was, but it's like... My father never did such things, you know?","Lily: But if he did, you would love all the same. And to be honest, you do not love to come across a video of him running down the street naked shouting, \"Hey, Marshall, look at me! I have a stalactite on the head! \" Barney rises behind Marshall and Lily.","Barney: Oh! Hi guys! Oh! My neck! Uh... oh! Hey! Look at this!","Robin: Barney, what are you doing here?","Barney: Oh, I told Nora that I would not leave until I have no second appointment, and I intend to do. I am here since 9 o'clock. I still need another minute. Say I'm crazy, but I'll stay here as long as it will not be returned.","Ted: That's what I want. Barney's feelings for Nora, I want to feel again. I do not want to choose between two girls. I want to be completely baba one of the two.","Lily: Yes, the stupid thing that makes us turn the head, pretty cool.","Marshall: It's not bad. Also, for posterity, a statement drunk guy! I would not drink again.","Ted (2030): And of course... Flashback Barney and Marshall are at the casino.","Marshall: Carpet Biercules! Yeah!","Ted (2030): But again, I digress. End flashback The next day the phone rings Marshall.","Marshall: Hello?","Garrison: Marshall! Garrison Cootes.","Marshall: Yes, Mr Cootes. How are you?","Garrison: I wanted you to know we had conducted our inquiries, and there is something annoying.","Marshall: Sir, the fact is that...","Garrison: The rainbow in this sample is definitely related to chemical plants. Ok, I... Skip a line... We love you! It takes you.","Marshall: It's fantastic. Thank you, Mr Cootes.","Garrison: Well, nothing. Oh, and when you're in the office, try to wear something Biercules. Ok? Wow, that was a big snake.","Marshall: Oh, there was a snake in the swamp?","Garrison: No, I was talking about your pen1s. See you tomorrow.","Marshall: I got the job.","Lily: Yes!","Marshall: And I think my boss is already sexually harassing me. But he saw the video and he does not care!","Lily: Saw what? Maybe the video is not so bad after all. Marshall's phone rings again.","Marshall: Yes. Hello?","Pete: Hey Marshall, I'm Pete Durkenson. We all went to Wesleyan.","Marshall: Yes, no, I know. Pete, we drank together yesterday.","Pete: Absolutely, now, the message from Lily makes sense. Listen, do not worry Bro ', I remove the video.","Marshall: You know what? Let her.","Pete: As you wish, Biercules. (He hangs up and is in an operating room with a man on the table) Scalpel.","Marshall: You know what? That's good. I want my children to see every part of me.","Lily: Yes. Even the side where you route the East Village naked.","Marshall: I will remember Pete.","Lily: It's a good idea.","Ted (2030): That night, I brought Robin Bal.","Robin: Thanks for taking me.","Ted: The pleasure is mine. And you know, you might find it interesting.Some of these guys represent the history of New York.","Robin: Yes, yes. Where is Lenny Kravitz?","Ted: Right there. Leonard Kravitz, world-renowned architect. This guy is a star. He will make his famous reading of 90 minutes on the beams.","Robin: Well, great. I'll go find one myself and hang myself.","Ted: Ok","Ted (2030): Children, you can not control when falling in love. It does not take days to think about. When this happens, you know quickly and with absolute certainty. I had forgotten. But reminded myself it was going."],"Show Title":"How I Met Your Mother","Episode Number":"07x03","Episode Title":"Ducky Tie","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Justified_03x10.json","Recap":["Boyd and Quarles maneuver to get their candidate to win the upcoming Sheriff's election. Limehouse hedges his bets and introduces Boyd to Quarles' campaign manager, and Boyd gets Napier's sister a job with the county. This technicality costs Napier the election, sending Quarles into a drug fueled tailspin; he reveals to Duffy that he was trafficked by his father as a child. Quarles threatens Raylan, who is dealing with Dickie, set to be granted early release due to lack of evidence on his charges of kidnapping Raylan and murdering Aunt Helen. Raylan chases down the people involved with Dickie's crimes, but they refuse to testify. Raylan bungles his testimony in favor of Dickie remaining in prison, and tells Judge Reardon to release Dickie because he will slip up again or be killed in the process. At Noble's Holler, Limehouse hears from Errol that Dickie is getting out, which might cause problems for the missing Bennett fortune, and tells Errol to bring Dickie to him. Alone in a hotel room, Quarles snorts Oxycontin with repeating a mantra to himself and strips, revealing that he has kidnapped another young man."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Dickie: How am I gonna get my hands on that money, you think, while I am inside here? Nap time's over, gimpy. Come on.","Dickie: Aah!","Raylan: What the hell, Dickie?","Dickie: Well, you know, the thing is, I-I really had no choice, Raylan. They forced me into it. You see, the escape, the money, the whole thing. To be very clear, Raylan, I am the victim here.","Raylan: [ Sighs ] Yeah, that much is clear. What's this about, Boyd?","Boyd: Well, how would you like a change in occupation? What do you got in mind?","Boyd: There's an election coming soon... office of county sheriff. Tillman Napier's job?","Boyd: He wasn't elected for life. Now, he serves at the pleasure of the good people of Harlan county. And I think you might be just the man for the job.","[ Gun cocks ]","When I was young, I could sleep like a baby. Not so much anymore, unfortunately. Better lower that gun, Shelby. Well, first off, how about you tell me what you're planting inside my truck, there, deputy Mooney? We got a tip you've been dealing. Uh-huh. Well, how about you go ahead and take it out right now? Slow. Putting a gun on two uniformed sheriff deputies. We shot you down right now, Shelby, we'd be within our rights. It wasn't two months ago my doctor told me I got cancer in my liver. Two years to live if I'm lucky. So if this is the way the good lord wants it to end, I consider myself prepared. How about you? Now, you're loyal to your sheriff, and I appreciate that. I hope you're just as loyal to me when I'm in his spot. Rest assured I won't send you on no errands like this one. Well, you believe what you like. The way I see it, this is my last chance to make something of myself before I head to the wrong side of the grass. You gonna just let us leave? I'd say that sounds like a solid idea.","[ Engine turns over ]","[ Breathing heavily ]","Boyd: Two guns against one.","Well, that's impressive you got them to stand down. Well, I told them I have liver cancer a I didn't mind taking one of them with me if that's the way it had to go down. [ Chuckling ] Of course, that's bullshit. Hell, I even told them I'd keep them both on after I won.","Boyd: You tell Jimmy until this election's over, I don't want him leaving Shelby's side. Now, Boyd, I don't need...","Boyd: Shelby, please, this is bigger than just you. Now, we all got skin in this game. I'm gonna go get me a soda or something.","Johnny: Napier goes at our man like that [Sighs] we got to strike back hard. Let him know that he cannot push us around.","Boyd: You got any ideas?","Johnny: Napier's got a sister. I haven't seen her in a long time, but as far as I know, she's still breathing. I got a guy who could find her, put the fear of God in her.","Boyd: No, I believe I'm gonna take care of this one myself. So, the sheriff's sister, huh?","Boyd: I trust she wasn't too difficult to locate. Course not. I'm just surprised, is all. Going after the man himself is one thing, but going after his kin, now, that's awful nasty. Even in the midst of an election this fierce.","Boyd: Well, I appreciate your input. What about that other thing? You sure do ask a lot of your banker, Mr. Crowder. Given the fact that you are a... Far cry from my best customer.","Boyd: Well, I admit my deposits have been lower than I expected. That's one way to put it. Another way is you ain't gave me sh1t.","Boyd: Well, I was hoping you might see past our balance sheet, look at the ancillary benefits gonna come from this relationship. Such as?","Boyd: When every decision Harlan county sheriff's office makes goes through me. So, you want someone from the county clerk's office.","Boyd: But someone I can trust, now. Implicitly. Implicitly. Would the county clerk himself fit that bill?","Boyd: Now you're talking. Beach towels? There's 3 inches of water down here, asshole!","Judge Reardon: All right, what do you want me to do about it, Terry? This never would have happened if you weren't too damn cheap to keep this place up.","Judge Reardon: Yeah, I got to go. You call a plumber. I'll get back to you. Don't you hang up that...","Judge Reardon: God, woman takes my house, then she calls me up to complain about a goddamn busted pipe! I'm still here, you asshole.","Judge Reardon: Oh, man. What's your excuse? I already seen it, Raylan.","Raylan: It's gonna happen?","Judge Reardon: Yep. You know it is, or you wouldn't be here.","Raylan: He already got out once under unjust circumstances. We gonna let it happen again?","Judge Reardon: Yeah, well, sometimes, you can flush all you want, but there's just that one turd that just won't go down.","Raylan: You're the presiding judge... just make it go down.","Judge Reardon: I'm bound and gagged by this one, son. Every ambulance-chasing lawyer in Kentucky wants to take this case and sue the sh1t out of the federal government for what happened to him at Tramble.","Raylan: Cry me a river. He got out of jail.","Judge Reardon: At gunpoint.","Raylan: So he says.","Judge Reardon: And Dewey Crowe backs him up.","Raylan: Angling for his own release, no doubt.","Judge Reardon: Yeah, well, maybe we could ask the crooked guards and nurses. No, wait, we can't. You killed them.","Raylan: I just shot the one nurse... the woman. A... look. Just push it back a little while. Let me have some time to find a reason to keep him in.","Judge Reardon: Look, I know what he did to you, and I'm sorry, but I can't help you. Now, you can try and convince the AUSA to change their position. If you can't, Dickie Bennett's gonna walk free.","[ Sighs ]","[ Door closes ]","\u266a On this lonely road \u266a \u266a trying to make it home \u266a \u266a doing it by my lonesome \u266a \u266a pissed off, who wants some? \u266a \u266a I'm fighting for my soul \u266a \u266a God get at your boy \u266a \u266a you try to bogard \u266a \u266a fall back, I go hard \u266a \u266a on this lonely road \u266a \u266a trying to make it home \u266a \u266a doing it by my lonesome \u266a \u266a pissed off, who wants some? \u266a \u266a I see them long, hard times to come \u266a","[ dog barking ]","[ Gasps ]","Boyd: Hello, Hanna.","Well, I've just been sitting here admiring your tablescapes. I know who you are.","Boyd: Is that so? You're running that man against my brother, Tillman, for sheriff.","Boyd: Well, for a woman who's been off the beaten path for as long as you have, you certainly stay well-informed. Not from talking to Tillman. Okay? We ain't talked regular going on 15 years.","Boyd: Well, you had a falling-out, did you? I was laid up three months last year, medical bills piling up sky-high. Man wouldn't r-return my phone calls.","Boyd: Well, a man who doesn't take care of his family ain't much of a man in my book. So, you think he's gonna give a sh1t if you slap me around?","Boyd: Hanna, you got me all wrong. I come here to offer you a job.","Raylan: Mr. Vasquez. Raylan, I wish I could help, but I can't.","Raylan: [ Sighs ] Dickie Bennett killed a woman. That's not what he's in for, and I can't keep him in prison for the rest of his life because he whupped your ass.","Raylan: Well, first, I don't think that's a fair assessment. Regardless.","Raylan: Second, what if I give you a reason to at least push the hearing back? Okay, what are we talking about?","Raylan: Thinking I go see Wade Messer, offer him leniency for setting me up the way he and see what else he can finger Dickie on. Messer's not gonna talk to you.","Raylan: We're old buddies. Mm-hmm.","Raylan: I offer him a reduced sentence There's nothing to reduce. The only reason Messer's on the inside is because he helped Dickie. If we drop the charges against Dickie...","Raylan: Messer walks, too. Yeah, you've got no leverage to make him tell you anything.","Raylan: Oh, sh1t. Look, Raylan, I'm not in the business of letting assholes out of jail, okay, so if you got something real, bring it to me and I'll listen to you. But otherwise, the judge is gonna pardon Dickie.","Raylan: Always good to see you.","Johnny: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You taking actual shotglasses? No, put those back and pull the goddamn Dixie cups that I bought. [ Sighing ] Oh, good lord. Shot of the cheap stuffs for every vote, and a shot of the good stuff if they bring a friend.","Boyd: Now, make sure you water down that cheap stuff enough so it lasts.","Johnny: The boys I hired, they know what they're doing.","Boyd: All right. Arlo's got a guy hauling folks out of Paden holler.","Johnny: That's good. And Emmett holler?","Boyd: Well, Arlo's gonna make that run himself.","Johnny: Arlo's driving a bus?","Boyd: Uh-huh.","Johnny: Oh, sh1t. Well, there's some folks might not make it to the polls.","Boyd: Ava, baby, how are things on your end?","Ava: Oh, the girls, they're excited to practice their constitutional right to vote and to give a free hand job for every vote cast for our man, Shelby. They already gave out blowjobs to a couple boys Napier was counting on to haul for him and convinced them to take the day off. I'm not sure I ought to be listening to this.","Boyd: Well, shelby, now, this is the nature of Harlan county politics. Now, the people of Harlan county are ready for a change. They deserve a change... [ Cellphone rings ] and we gonna win this thing.","Ava: Yes, we are.","Johnny: Damn straight.","Boyd: Yes, we can. Hello? It is.","[ Sighs ]","You sure about that? You absolutely certain? No, 'course not. I appreciate the phone call.","Ava: What is it?","Boyd: There's a chance that Dickie Bennett might get out of Tramble this week.","Johnny: You don't think he's stupid enough to come back to Harlan?","Boyd: Well, to answer your question, cousin Johnny, yes, I think he is that stupid. But one victory at a time. Marshal.","Raylan: Jed, how was the drive over? Scenic? Seems like you guys maybe took me the long way. They drove me over through, uh, Masterson station park.","Raylan: Oh. Well, that was nice of them. How are things at the federal inn? About what you'd expect.","Raylan: Yeah. Federal system's no picnic, is it? You get less rec time. There's no chance of getting your own cell. Just got to hope your roomie doesn't have ibs. Food's about the same grade of sh1t everywhere, though, so there is that. Why am I here, marshal?","Raylan: Uh, you saw Dickie Bennett pull the trigger... so much as said so... then you changed your tune. I need you to change it back. Well, in that case, you better just put me back in that car.","Raylan: It's a pepperoni from Vitello's. That's what your wife said, right? You saw her?","Raylan: I just spoke to her on the phone, but she became very upset, so it s difficult to understand her. And you have a daughter, right? Claire.","Raylan: Yeah. Yeah, she was crying, too. All I'm asking you to do is tell the truth, Jed. Then you can go home and be with your family.","[ Chuckles ]","I got an Uncle... big man. Call him stink. Look, I don't know the details, but the story goes some years back, stink got involved with Mags' cousin Gracie, got her knocked up, decided he didn't want anything to do with that. Well, Gracie's brothers didn't like that sh1t one bit. They was gonna kill him. So, mags and my granny brokered a peace.","Raylan: You're saying your family owes some debt to the Bennetts. Jed, there are no more Bennetts. Just Dickie. Yeah, what good is that gonna do me now, huh?","Raylan: We're gonna need your granny to step up and say Mags put the screws to her. Good luck.","Raylan: I get her to say it, you'll back her play? If she talks, I'll talk. Now... Whoa. It's good.","Raylan: Ma'am, I am deputy U. S. Marshal Raylan Givens. Now, she's getting better at using this every day. See, now, how it works is she puts her fingers on the letters, and then you write them down, and so that's to...","Raylan: I think we'll manage. We're gonna talk about your grandson, aren't we? Well, y-you know she can't talk, don't you?","Raylan: Yes, that's clear. Well, she had a stroke couple weeks back, so th...","Raylan: If you'll just give me a minute with her, we'll be fine. All right, then.","Raylan: I understand Mags Bennett called in an old debt... why your Jed is wasting away behind bars and not her Dickie. That's a milkshake. You want a milkshake? Two milkshakes? They did not have vanilla... just strawberry... but it is made with real ice cream. How about that, huh? Okay. Now, as I was saying, this debt you feel like you owe the Bennetts... there's no reason for your grandson to rot in prison. You just have to... oh! Uh...","Art: Funny. You know, before his stay at Tramble, I didn't think Dickie Bennett had ever been out Harlan county.","Raylan: Surprised me, too.","Art: All the way to Seattle.","Raylan: Fella's name is Corby Bennett, but he goes by \"Dickie.\"","Art: Just need a couple of days, make sure it's not the same guy.","Raylan: Plus, uh, chief deputy Sturm's a good friend of Art's.","Art: Yeah, just trying to do him a favor. This guy's black.","Raylan: It looks black in the picture, but you never know till you find him. Come on. He's not Derek Jeter black. He's Wesley Snipes black. This is a black man.","Art: Oh, come on. You're mixing your metaphors, there, going from athletes to actors.","Raylan: Yeah. Next time, go Derek Jeter to Sammy Sosa.","Art: More like Deron Williams to... doesn't matter. This is not gonna happen.","Raylan: Fine. I'm gonna give him the tour. [ Sighs ] Raylan, please.","Raylan: No, I'll go over there first thing tomorrow morning. I'll do it myself. When they show up to get him, he's not there. It's no one's fault. It happens all the time. The answer is no. Ship has sailed.","Raylan: You know what? I bet if he had killed one of your loved ones, you'd be trying a little harder.","Art: Raylan, we're all on the same side here. Now, I know you're frustrated, but delay tactics will only dismantle all the work I've done to prevent a lawsuit. If that happens, all of our asses are in a sling.","Raylan: So, that's it, huh? He walks? Yeah. He walks. Unless you get on the stand.","Raylan: Who can take the stand? You could take the stand. Tell the judge all the things you told me. I don't know. Maybe he goes out on a limb. Maybe he takes your side on it. Either that, or this little sh1t's gonna walk.","Art: You know, that's not a bad idea.","Raylan: What?","Art: The victim, a highly decorated deputy U.S. marshal, makes an impassioned plea before the judge. Tell him Dickie Bennett tried to torture you. Maybe the judge will see it your way.","Raylan: No.","Art: What's the matter? You've testified before.","Raylan: It's never gone well.","Art: [ Laughs ] Well, try picturing the judge in his speedos. That's always worked for me.","[ indistinct conversations ]","I haven't won yet. Haven't won yet.","Johnny: Well, from the looks of it, you're gonna need one either way, Shelby. We better win. I never handed out so much pineapple juice in my life. Pineapple juice? It makes... It makes the taste a little more tolerable.","[ Chuckles ]","[ Cellphone ringing ]","Boyd: Hello?","I-I'm sorry. I can't hear you.","Ava: Hey, everybody, shut up!","[ Conversations stop ]","Boyd: Well, that's it?","That's the official count? Napier won. sh1t. From what I hear, the prime spots for the oxy clinics are by Bridges or [Chuckles] of course, any place where two \"hollers\" intersect. Mm. What exactly is the origin of that word? \"Hollers.\" It's meant to denote \"hollows,\" I would imagine, but it's not like those are actually hollowed into the mountains, are they? Hell if I know. Ahh. You know, Tillman, it's gonna start to get a little crowded in here... for the both of us, I mean. And I've noticed that you have an empty office down the hall that you're using for storage. You think you could have your sh1t moved in there by the end of the week? What? Your sh1t... moved by weekend. Just a damn minute. I can't give you an office. Y-you don't work here. Well, I'd imagine you could find me a nice job on your staff, non-deputized, of course. I mean, I have to keep my eyes on things if we are gonna make this work. Whoa. Whoa?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Knock on door ]","Come in. Tillman. What can I do for you, Harvey? Harvey. Sir. Uh, I'm afraid it's bad news. What the hell's he doing here? Well, now, yeah, see, that's... that's the thing. There's a, uh, problem with the election results. A problem? Well, it seems... Your sister, Hanna, is on my office payroll. Now, it's minor administrative position, but state of Kentucky's nepotism laws being what they are, well, it makes you ineligible for county office, so... Now, just a goddamn minute, Harvey. You know I hadn't seen Hanna since she stole from mama. Well, now, calm down, Tillman. Now, I-I-I know. And I fired her. I-I fired her as soon as it come down, but law's law, so... All right, then, void the election. Call a new one. Now, but see, t-the problem, though, is, according to the statute, the runner-up now serves as sheriff, effective immediately, until we can hold another vote, so... Okay. Fine. When's the new election? Well, probably not for three months at least. Bullshit, Harvey! Well, now, I did not write this law, Tillman. And how much he and Crowder paying you? Now, it ain't like that. You shaking us down for more money? Is that what this is? I'm personally offended by that. Is that what this is? Excuse me. Oh, you're welcome, sir. Now... now, my hands are tied.","Boyd: You're a lucky man, Mr. Quarles. You get to come all the way down here, a place you got no right being. You get to eat our food. You get to drink our whisky. You get to look at our women as you try to take it all for yourself. Why, you know what you are? You're a conquistador. Only we are not your savages. And now you get to leave with your life. Well, I'm hard-pressed to remember the last outsider in your line of work can say that. I hope you've enjoyed your stay and you never forget who packed your bags.","Wynn: How long have you been taking those? Mr. Quarles, maybe it is time you leave Kentucky. I got nowhere else to go.","[ Knock on door ]","Wynn: It's some kid.","See what he wants.","Wynn: May I help you? Good call. Yeah. Sit down. Over there. Oh. Uh... There's a young man with a gun in our trailer, Wynn.","Wynn: Yeah, I noticed. Did... did you do something to upset him?","Wynn: I don't even know him. You and me got a friend in common. Oh, yeah? Brady Hughes.","Wynn: Who's Brady Hughes? Go ahead. Tell him. You're friends with Brady? Friends enough to know that the last person anyone saw him with was you, getting into a car together. Brady is a beautiful soul. I don't want to hear your bullshit. What would you like to hear? The truth. I want you to admit that you killed him. But that's not the truth. Then where is he? I don't know. Yes, you do. You killed him. And I want to hear you say it. And then you're gonna kill me? Say it. Ow old are you, son? Old enough.","[SCENE_BREAK]","I was 14 years old when I killed my first man. I was given a choice. I could do it myself, or they would do it for me. You took him from me. No. I didn't. My father was a heroin addict. He wasn't necessarily an evil man, but he couldn't kick his addiction, couldn't hold a job, either. But to feed his addiction, he used the resources at his disposal. I don't care about your sh1t! Luckily for my father, he had a very... Pretty little boy. And plenty of men were willing to pay for my company. What is your name? Donovan. That's what it was like for me, Donovan. For many years. And then one day, a man named Theo realized what was happening. You see, Theo believed deeply in family. And one afternoon, an associate of Theo's picked me up from school, and we took a ride in his Cadillac to a warehouse. Theo ushered me in, where inside, on his knees, was my father.","[ Gun cocks ]","I was 14 years old. And I remember how it felt to suddenly be free. You see, Donovan, I understood your friend Brady. I knew him without really knowing him. Do you understand? Then why'd you hurt him? Hurt him? No, son. I never hurt him. I did everything I could... To help him.","[ Gun clatters ]","And then I set him free.","[ Sobbing ]","Shh. I set him free. So, did you screw up or something?","Raylan: No. Actually, this time, I did everything right. So, what's the problem?","Raylan: Were you not listening when I said the part about the murderer going free? Uh, watch your tone, trouble. You know what I think the problem is?","Raylan: [ Sighs ] You have performance anxiety.","Raylan: I can assure you, Lindsey, I do not.","[ Chuckles ]","Raylan: Although, I will admit public speaking is not my favorite part of this job.","You need to buck up, sadness. You are sounding like a glass-half-empty kind of guy.","Raylan: Right now I'm a glass-completely-empty kind of guy. You know what I think?","Raylan: Mm. I think you ought to let me help you.","Raylan: Help me make my statement? Mm-hmm. What do you got so far?","Raylan: \"I am deputy U.S.\" Marshal Raylan givens.\" That's a strong opening. What's next?","Raylan: That's it. [ Sighs ] The rest is bullshit. I mean, the whole thing is bullshit. Getting up, talking. Telling folks sh1t they already know, trying to say it in a way that gives them permission to make a decision they should've made already. You're not much of a bullshitter, huh?","Raylan: I'd like to think not. I used to have that same problem. I got to the age where all my friends were getting married, and seems like I had to give a different toast at a different wedding every weekend. Marriages I knew weren't gonna last more than a month. I would get a migraine until the moment I stood up.","Raylan: Did you know this is not a very encouraging story thus far? [ Chuckling ] Know. What I figured out was... [ Drawer opens ] just don't bullshit.","[ Drawer closes ]","I mean, sure, they would give me nasty looks when I stood up and didn't say the same old sh1t that everybody wanted to hear. I would get the stink eye even after I sat down, but it stopped the migraines, and I could respect myself in the morning.","Raylan: You know what I think? I think you should give my statement. See, I feel like they'd probably rather hear from somebody who's actually in law enforcement.","Raylan: Yeah, well, I can fix that. I could deputize you. Shut up. You can do that?","Raylan: I sure can. If you'd like me to. And I could arrest people, carry a gun?","Raylan: Well, probably start you off with handcuffs, more basic activities. Well, sh1t. I'm ready. Let's do it.","Raylan: Right now? Right here.","Raylan: You don't think we should wait for these people to leave? Well, I feel like if we wait for that, you'll be facedown on the bar and no good to me at all.","Raylan: Oh, I might surprise you. You know those two?","Raylan: Yeah, I do. One looks like an albino deer.","Raylan: [ Chuckles ] He's been in here before, right?","Raylan: Yeah, he has. Knock yourself out. I'll be back. Oh, hi. Uh, bourbon, please. Neat. Duffy, how do you take yours?","Raylan: I'm sorry. We are closed. Sure doesn't look closed.","Raylan: Yeah, well, we are. We're closed. Oh, that's right. He's the bouncer now.","Raylan: Wynn, take him out of here.","Wynn: I voiced my concerns, and they fell on deaf ears.","Raylan: You got two minutes. Marshal, aren't you gonna ask me what I want?","Raylan: I don't think I will, no. There was an election today in Harlan county. And your man Boyd Crowder pulled a fast one on me. He slipped that hillbilly rug right out from under my feet.","Raylan: I'm just gonna file that under \"who gives a sh1t?\" Well, now, usually, I'd be in a position to handle something like that because that's what I do. But then I got to thinking I'd still have to worry about incurring your wrath.","Raylan: I'm sorry. My wrath? Uh, you don't need to worry about that. You guys can take each other out. And your father?","Raylan: Sure. Him too. Take them both out. And that's why you are the way you are, Raylan.","Raylan: [ Sighs ] 'Cause your daddy's a criminal.","Raylan: That's it. Your two minutes are up. I understand you've been snooping around about my friend Brady Hughes.","Raylan: Brady Hughes? Mm.","Raylan: Who's that? That the street kid you killed? Gentlemen, everything okay?","Raylan: Everything's okay. Uh, just stay behind the bar, will you? You know, I decided upon something tonight, there, Jim Bob.","Raylan: Did you? I did. But I wanted to come down here and tell it to you myself, right out of the horse's mouth.","Raylan: Sure that wasn't necessary. I'm gonna kill you, Raylan. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, but some day, you'll be walking down the street, and I'm gonna put a bullet right in the back of your skull, and you're gonna drop.","[ Gunshot ] [ Woman screams ]","Raylan: U.S. marshal.","I want everybody out of the building right now. Get your stuff and get out. Why wait?","Wynn: Okay. You had your fun. Let's go. I'm not going anywhere. Neither are you. So, how long you think it'll take before the cops get here?","Raylan: Oh, they may not even come. I did show my badge. And how do we do this?","Raylan: You draw. I put you down.","Wynn: What are yodoing? Shut your goddamn mouth. Marshal. It seems like I'm a little outnumbered in this situation. I want you and your friend out of here.","Raylan: Lindsey, I want you to put that gun down. Raylan, don't talk to me like I'm a waitress. This is my bar, and I want them out. She just sassed you, son.","[ Gun cocks ]","You think I can't paint that wall with you from here, you are sorely mistaken. So if I pull on your gal, there...","Raylan: No, don't do that. I'm really starting to like her. Don't forget what I said, marshal. Night-night. Ma'am.","Raylan: [ Sighs ] Well, now what?","Raylan: You know, you're welcome to stay if you want. That's sweet of y to offer, but you got a lot going on. You got that statement to write, baby on the way. You got a sonogram picture taped to your bathroom mirror.","Raylan: I'm sorry? I'm not married, if that's what you're wondering. She kicked you out?","Raylan: Why would you say that? You just moved in above a college bar. You got men trying to kill you.","Raylan: It's complicated. Hmm.","Raylan: I mean, no, it's not. Yes, she left me. Does that happen often?","Raylan: Women leaving me? No, men coming in bars, trying to kill you.","Raylan: Uh, one of the hazards of being a marshal, I guess. Sure it's not just one of the hazards of being you?","Raylan: Is this all part of the pep talk again? Oh, how is that speech going?","Raylan: Uh, it's pretty good. \"I'm Raylan givens.\" I've been a marshal 19 years. \"Currently, I'm based out of the Lexington office.\"","Raylan: There's gonna be more. I'm gonna work on it... Later.","Art: Cowboy junkies. Yeah, I've heard of them. Oh, hey, there he is.","Raylan: Oh, no. Now what? Am I about to be sentenced to be Dickie's manservant?","[ Chuckles ]","Art: No, I got a good feeling about today.","And it's just a feeling 'cause no one actually spoke to the judge.","Art: Oh, hell, no. That'd be collusion. Right.","Art: But I got a feeling if you give your testimony and it's in English, that judge Reardon's gonna be inclined to keep Dickie Bennett behind bars.","Raylan: Great.","Art: You worked on your testimony, right?","Raylan: Yeah. Good. Make some grown men cry.","Dickie: Your honor, what I'm saying is... is I-I just... I do not want my fellow prisoners to have to go through what I went through, you see? 'Cause these gentlemen, they ain't just convicts to me. They are my family, okay? They're my new family. You understand? So, what I'm trying to say is... is I've I've... I've changed, your honor. I've changed. I mean, my new family has changed me. I have dedicated my life to make sure this kind of abu ghraiby bullshit don't happen again up inside here.","Judge Reardon: Okay, I think we get the point, Mr. Bennett.","Dickie: So, I-I-I-I've changed. Believe me.","Judge Reardon: You've changed. Thank you for saying it one more time.","Dickie: A-amen.","Judge Reardon: Take a seat, Mr. Bennett. Now, before I make my ruling, the victim of the very transgression that landed Mr. Bennett in Tramble has asked to make a statement, and I see no reason to deny him that opportunity. Marshal.","Raylan: [ Sighs ] Can I just make my statement from here, your honor? I am deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan givens. I've been a marshal for 19 years. I'm currently assigned to the Lexington office. I am here today on behalf of the marshals service because we feel strongly that Dickie Bennett is not worthy of the pardon being considered by this court. I'm not gonna talk about his entire rap sheet. It's so extensive, I think it'd be just a waste of the court's time. And I won't talk about his family, either. I can only tell you that none of them are here today because they have all been killed in the commission of crimes or otherwise incarcerated. I'll just talk about the incident that led Dickie to his current stay in prison and that which caused me... Great pain and suffering.","Art: [ Sighs ]","Raylan: I mean, all things considered, I'm fine. And, quite honestly, this might be a waste of the court's time, as well. Uh, we all know what's gonna happen if we release Dickie Bennett... more blood's gonna be spilled. If not his, someone else's. He's a...A thug... Who is trying to convince us he's a victim.","[ Chuckles ]","A victim of a flaw in the system. Well, I think he's a flaw in the system. But then again, what the hell do I know, right? I just mostly chase fugitives. And I enjoy it. So... What the hell? Let him out. Release him back into the wild. He's just gonna screw up again, and when he does, law enforcement will be there, and we'll just haul his ass right back to prison. Assuming he's not killed in the process. Thank you, your honor.","[ Sighs ]","Art: Did that go the way you rehearsed it?","Judge Reardon: You got anything more add, counselor?","In that case, I have no choice but to grant Dickie Bennett early release based on the terms and conditions of the deal set forth today. Mr. Bennett, once the paperwork is processed, you're a free man.","Dickie: I'm... judge Reardon: Session's adjourned.","[ Gavel bangs ]","Dickie: Amen.","Really?","Raylan: Well... Figured this way, it would just save the taxpayers a lawsuit, and maybe Dickie leads us to that Bennett money. Win-win.","Art: Win-win. Next time you tell me you're not good at something, I'm gonna believe you. You know when he's getting out? Next day or two, from what I understand. That damn Dickie Bennett. Released to be a Thorn in my side yet again. That is one lucky, squirrelly, little son of a bitch.","[ Scoffs ]","You know, they used to call this hog-killing weather. Back before refrigeration, you could not kill a pig in the summertime. No, that meat wouldn't last you long enough to be worth your while. Yep, sweet spot is late autumn, just before the cold sets in. Nearly impossible to butcher that meat when it freezes up on you. If Dickie sniffs around long enough, he's gonna figure out where his mama's money's at. And with that much cheddar on the table, plenty of people gonna be willing to help him go after it. Now, you want, we put Bernard on the bridge. Ain't nobody gonna miss Dickie Bennett. You think people who buy their meat in cellophane packages got any idea what it's like to see an animal born, raised up, and selected to be killed? I imagine most people try not to think about that. When he shows up, you bring him to me. What if he don't like what you have to say? Roger. Die alone. And people will conspire to keep you down. You will reach for the edge, and they will lean the heel of their boots on your fingers, and you just keep fighting and scratching and pulling and just when you think you've reached the top of the Mountain, they changed the rules. And then you have to start from the beginning, so what do you do?","[ Sniffs ]","I know what you don't do. You don'quit. You don't run. You don't stick that gun in the back of your throat. You realize that you were wrong. You were wrong in thinking that you had already won. You claw your way back into the fight. True victory is when you crush your opponent so completely that he realizes that he was wrong in opposing you from the beginning. And you stand on top of the mountain."],"Show Title":"Justified","Episode Number":"03x10","Episode Title":"Guy Walks Into a Bar","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Justified_04x10.json","Recap":["Raylan searches Shelby's house for any clues while Boyd sits on the floor in handcuffs. Boyd tells Raylan that Raylan made a wrong decision becoming a Marshal and should have followed Arlo's lead into Harlan County criminal enterprises. Boyd at this point does not know that Arlo, Raylan's father, is dead. Raylan is in no hurry to tell him. Drew Thompson decides to flee to Mexico, and eventually decides to take Ellen May with him. They drive to a local airport. Ellen May's casual mention of a light being on in the hangar tips Shelby\/Drew off that someone is there and they drive by the airport. Raylan is waiting inside the airport, and gets mad at the airport attendant for not telling them that Shelby\/Drew Thompson has a plane there and for keeping a light on outside. Raylan deduces that the only remaining way for Drew Thompson out of Harlan County is via a mountain pass. Drew and Ellen May see Raylan's road block from the woods. With no more options, Ellen May takes Drew to Limehouse, as Ellen May heard from her dead friend Trixie that Limehouse protects women in trouble. Limehouse says that's true when he can get information from women in trouble that helps him and his \"Holler\", like he did with Trixie. Drew offers Limehouse $15,000 to take in Ellen May. Limehouse says he won't protect Drew for that money, but says Drew is valuable to other people, so he'll keep him for the highest bidder. Ava is also holed up under Limehouse's protection as Boyd made Ava leave until they could find Ellen May as she witnessed Ava's murder of Delroy. Boyd finds out Drew and Ellen May are at Limehouse's compound, and Ava tells Boyd that Limehouse wants $150,000 for each. Boyd decides to mortgage his future by using his money to get both Drew and Ellen May, and then get $500,000 from the Detroit gangsters and rights to the Harlan country drug trade upon successful delivery of Drew to the Detroit gangsters. Limehouse double crosses Boyd and says the $300,000 is enough only for one person. Ava tells Boyd to take Drew instead of Ellen May. Ellen May spits in Ava's face, making Ava doubt her decision about making Boyd take Drew. Once Boyd has Drew, Drew tells Boyd that he never would have stayed in Harlan if it wasn't for breaking both of his legs on his parachute jump. As he had money and cocaine with him, he connected with Bo Crowder and Arlo Givens to protect him in exchange for a cut of the money and drug proceeds. This arrangement got the Crowder and Givens families out of trailers, according to Drew. The Marshals find Johnny at the whorehouse when they go to talk to another one of Ellen May's friends. Johnny gives up Boyd to the Marshals. The Marshals arrive just in time as the Detroit toughs fly in with a helicopter to pick up Drew. Shelby tells Raylan to get Ellen May from Limehouse, while Raylan tells Art they will have trouble getting Shelby out of Harlan County alive."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Raylan: Give me Drew, you can write your own ticket to a better place.","[ Horn blares ]","Johnny: You can't trust colt.","Boyd: What are you saying?","Johnny: He never killed Ellen may.","Colton: When I thought that the sheriff's department picked her up, I went down to shelby and I asked for his help, but she vanished!","Boyd: What did you say?","Colton: She's just gone, Boyd.","Boyd: No, about shelby.","What did you just say?","Colton: I went to him and his deputies. We looked up the records, but there's nothing on her.","Boyd: Shelby knew that Ellen may was alive? I guess my first step would be to get right with the lord. Something to do with Ava Crowder? Something you saw her do?","[ Gasping ]","Ava: We're in this together.","Boyd: We are.","But Delroy is on you.","Ava: I should have killed her myself.","Boyd: Well, it may come to that yet. Go. So what now... Drew? Now I pull the ripcord for real.","Boyd: Shelby?","Raylan: Hello, Boyd.","Boyd: Drew goddamn Thompson.","Raylan: Bullshit.","Boyd: I was looking for Drew, same as you.","Raylan: The expression on your face while we were cuffing you said otherwise.","Boyd: Oh, you holding me now based on my facial expression?","Raylan: Oh, and I suppose we let you go, you just forget what you know and think about shelby, go home, and take a bath.","Boyd: Well, you wouldn't happen to have any bath salts, would you?","Raylan: I'd get comfy if I were you.","Tim: They're gonna put the word out wide, start throwing up roadblocks.","Boyd: You know what your problem is, Raylan?","Raylan: Man's too smart to get snared that way, but it could buy us some time.","Boyd: You should've been an outlaw.","Tim: Any thoughts as to the women's clothing?","Boyd: This job has too much paperwork for a man like you.","Raylan: He was married.","Boyd: Too many rules and regulations.","Raylan: She left him 25 years ago.","Boyd: You should've been on the other side with me and your daddy. Oh, you'd still be able to shoot people and be an asshole... Your two favorite activities. Except you would be a rich asshole.","Raylan: More like dead or in jail.","Boyd: Well, I'm doing just fine.","Raylan: Yeah? How about Arlo?","Boyd: Well, I have been meaning to get by and see your daddy.","Raylan: That's funny. I was just thinking... You keep running your mouth, I'd like to go ahead and arrange that.","Boyd: Oh, you gonna arrest me now for talking?","Raylan: Who said sh1t about arresting you?","[ Door opens ]","Boyd: Uh, excuse me, ma'am.","These two gentlemen are holding me against my will.","Rachel: Shut up.","Raylan: That was fast.","Rachel: Art didn't want to see you two left alone.","Raylan: He said that?","Rachel: Where you at?","Tim: Got nothing.","Raylan: We got roadblocks and suspicious women's underwear.","Tim: Like I said...","Rachel: So, if you're shelby wanting to skip town, what's your next move?","Raylan: We ain't looking for shelby. We're looking for Drew Thompson. So... If you shot Theo Tonin and threw Waldo truth out of an airplane, what's your... [ Sighs ]","Tim: What? The morning shift will start at 5:30. You should be safe here until then. Now, when Henderson comes in, you tell him what you know. If it's enough for Boyd to want you dead, it'll be enough to get you Witsec. Why can't I-i go with you? That's not one of the options. Well, that ain't an answer.","[ Sighs ]","Listen. You don't want to be part of what I got to do. What's... what's the other option? You get on a bus. You ride until you reach a coast. Doesn't matter which one. You ask around till you can find somebody to help you make a new I.D. And you make a new life for yourself. Come on. Now, don't just take it to Tennessee and then stop. Boyd will find you, and he'll finish what he intended when I found you that night. Are you sure I... I can't just go with you? Look. I'm sorry it's got to be this way. I truly am. But it does. Good luck to you, Ellen may. But... Oh, balls. Hey. You come with me, we're never coming back. You understand? Well, where you going? Mexico, to start. Had a beach town in mind, but... Could be swayed to the mountains, if you prefer. I ain't never seen the ocean before. Well, now's your chance. How long is it gonna take to get there? Oh, if we're lucky, should be across the border before sun-up. How fast is this car? We ain't driving, Ellen may. I'm gonna fly us.","\u266a On this lonely road \u266a \u266a trying to make it home \u266a \u266a doing it by my lonesome \u266a \u266a pissed off, who wants some? \u266a \u266a I'm fighting for my soul \u266a \u266a God, get at your boy \u266a \u266a you try to bogard \u266a \u266a fall back, I go hard \u266a \u266a on this lonely road \u266a \u266a trying to make it home \u266a \u266a doing it by my lonesome \u266a \u266a pissed off, who wants some? \u266a \u266a I see them long, hard times to come \u266a","Lived here pretty much my whole life, I never seen the airport. It ain't much of one... Couple of hangars and an airstrip. You fly there a lot? When I first moved here, I avoided it. Had to keep that part of my life hidden. But lately, I've had opportunity to renew my skills. Is that it? Yep. Where do we go in? Up there at the second gate. Oh, the one by the light? What? T-the light there on that building? Go past. Why? Oh, don't slow down. Just keep going past.","[ Vehicle passes ]","Roger that. Passed on. Lookout said the driver was a woman.","Rachel: That's seven in the last hour. There's other airstrips, you know.","Raylan: Not within 100 Miles, there ain't. Well, some of them mountains, they blew the tops off... They're flat as a dime. You could land a plane on them. Doesn't make much sense, does it, since the sheriff's plane's already here. U.P.S. Was gonna put a distribution center up there, but the roads are too bad.","Raylan: What? U.P.S. Was gonna put a...","Raylan: Not you. The sheriff's got a plane here? Well, yeah. Uh, up in hangar 2. Shelby used to take it up every couple weeks.","Raylan: We came here, talked to you, went through all the records of everyone who flew in and out of this airport, and you didn't say sh1t about the sheriff's plane! You were looking for a criminal. Why would I mention the sheriff?","Raylan: Then why ain't he here?","Rachel: Sit down.","Raylan: Did you warn him? And why would I warn him?","Raylan: You know he's a drug-smuggling murderer, right? I didn't do nothing! I swear!","Raylan: What about that light out there? Is that usually on this time of night? I don't know. No one's ever usually here this time of night!","Raylan: We got a roadblock at Crestland pass? Cr-Crestland?","Raylan: Mm-hmm. There ain't no Crestland on this map.","Raylan: It ain't on the map. Give me a radio.","Rachel: It's warmer in here, you know.","Raylan: These Marshals coats are surprisingly well-insulated. One of the perks of the job.","Rachel: Drier, too.","Raylan: They're also waterproof.","Rachel: They also give you special vision? Because if not, I fail to see the odds of catching Drew being any better waiting out there than in here.","Raylan: Is that what art told you? \"Rachel, stay with Raylan.\" \"Make sure he don't catch cold.\"","Rachel: Listen. I can deal with your aloofness. It's annoying, but I let it slide because you get your job done and you're easy on the eyes. I can even deal with the fact that if you catch Drew Thompson, you might even be my boss. But if you don't get in the car right now, I swear to God I'm gonna start singing show tunes.","Raylan: Promise?","Rachel: Don't mess with me right now, Raylan.","Art: Evening, gentlemen.","Raylan: Thought you were gonna meet us at the airport.","Art: Well, it took longer than I remembered. How the hell do you come all the way down here every other damn day?","Raylan: I listen to a lot of books on tape and stay zen.","Art: Well, I hope you'll bear that in mind when I tell you what I'm about to tell you.","Raylan: Are you gonna yell at me?","Art: What... over that hunter mosley fiasco?","Raylan: [ Groans ]","Art: No, I'm gonna wait and suspend you after we catch Drew. No, what I was about to tell you is that the Staties let Boyd Crowder go.","Raylan: When?","Art: About 20 minutes ago. Lawyer showed up with a court order.","Raylan: Well, I hope they broke his cellphone in half before they let him go.","Rachel: I think you're the only person who does stuff like that.","Raylan: If he calls Theo Tonin, we got less time than we thought.","Art: Well, Drew's been in law enforcement. He knows that when you run is when you get caught. He might stay put for a while.","Rachel: Any idea where he might go?","Raylan: He knows we're sitting on his known associates, so... He had ladies' underwear.","Art: [ Chuckling ] What?","Raylan: Not like ladies' underwear, like... whore's underwear. That m... He's got Ellen may.","Art: That prostitute of Crowder's?","Raylan: Why he said something to Boyd the other day. He's got Ellen may. We find her, we find Drew.","Rachel: By the way, I have that same pair of panties.","Art: Where you going?","Raylan: I'm gonna tell the Staties.","Art: Oh, hell, no. Hell, no! Get back over here. First thing we're gonna do is we're gonna acknowledge that this guy's awesome.","Rachel: What?","Art: I mean, he shoots Theo Tonin, fakes his own death in a spectacular fashion, pushes a guy out of an airplane while he's flying it, parachutes into Harlan county with enough coke and cash to jump-start the economy of a small country, and then he has the balls to get a job in law enforcement not once but two times. He spends a couple of days riding around with you while you're looking for him, and now he's run off with a hooker that's half his age. That's some bad-ass sh1t.","Raylan: It's pretty bad-ass.","Art: Yes, it is. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You gonna let those guys be the ones, or are we gonna be the ones that take that badass?","Raylan: You're right. We're on it.","Art: Yeah. Let's go find a whore.","[ Police radio chatter ]","Oh, well, sh1t! What if I... what if I drive through, pick you up on the other side? No, the car ain't clean. And Raylan could be up there. He'd recognize you and put two and two together. So what do we do? We walk down there and turn ourselves in. I said I ain't gonna do that. Ellen may, flying out of here was plan \"a.\" Driving out through the Crestland pass was plan \"b.\" There ain't no plan \"c.\" I don't care, all right? I ain't gonna rat on Ava. I don't want to testify, either... live that life they're gonna give me, always looking over my shoulder. And that's if I survive long enough to testify. But we got no play left. They're gonna be watching everybody I know, everybody I ever did know. We got no place left to hide. I got an idea.","Boyd: Some good news. Best I can figure, shelby's still got Ellen may with him.","Ava: But why? What good is she doing him?","Boyd: Well, it could be we get a call from shelby, him blackmailing us into protecting him.","Ava: No. If he was gonna do that, he would've already done it.","Boyd: Which makes it more likely he's using her as conduit to a place to lie low.","Ava: Staying with a friend of hers, you mean?","Boyd: [ Sighs ] Where would Ellen may go if she was in trouble? Does she have any family in Harlan, any friends?","Ava: Uh, father's in prison. Her mother ran away when she was little. Could be dead, far as she knows. Nicky Cush, maybe?","Boyd: Nicky Cush? The fella who ran audry's before Delroy?","Ava: Uh-huh. He's the one that brought her on. They were really close, from what I heard. Had some kind of twisted father\/daughter thing going on.","Boyd: Well, he'll be the first on my list. How 'bout you, darling? How you holding up?","Ava: Food's good.","Boyd: Oh, I do envy you on that front.","Ava: Boyd, I can't just sit here while you're out there scrambling around.","Boyd: Ellen may is a bullet in a loaded gun. Now, it's best you stay out of those sights and stay safe. I love you.","Ava: I love you, too.","Johnny: So?","Boyd: So, you need to figure out whose bed we got to drag Jimmy out of. I'm gonna need all hands on deck.","Johnny: I mean, what's the plan?","Boyd: The plan is for you to find Jimmy and wake his ass up. So, you understand the situation you've put me in?","[ Dialing ]","I'm gonna need you tonight, colt. I need you to be that m.P. I knew back in Kuwait. Do you still think you can be that man?","Colton: Boyd, I'm gonna make this right.","Johnny: Jimmy'll be up front in 5.","Boyd: Come on. Stay here and wait for my call. What... what's the name of the place where we're going? It's called huatulco. Huatulco. You ever been there before? Oh, it's the most beautiful place I've ever seen.","[ Chuckles ]","I like Mexican food.","[ Both chuckle ]","Me, too. Hey, they got religion in Mexico, like churches and stuff? Sure. It's mostly catholic. Anything like what Billy's church was? Well, it's a branch of christianity, if that's what you mean. Bet they give the sermons in Spanish, though, huh? Yeah. But... you'll learn. Thank you, shelby. For what, making you a fugitive? No. For coming back for me. For looking out for me. Not that many people ever cared enough to look out for me before. Look, I know we're on the run and all, but... I ain't never felt so free. Duffy.","Wynn: Hmm? It's Crowder.","Wynn: [ Sighs ] Which one? Never mind. It doesn't matter.","[ Grunts ]","I trust you have earth-shattering news, Mr. Crowder.","Johnny: We found Drew Thompson. That shattering enough?","Wynn: And by \"found,\" you mean...","Johnny: I mean it turns out he's the goddamn county sheriff.","Wynn: That man shelby? Doesn't he work for you?","Johnny: [ Chuckles ] Under our noses the whole time.","Wynn: So, where is he?","Johnny: No idea. Marshals and the state troopers say they got a dragnet going. Boyd's out looking, too. So I figured you'd send some guys down here.","Wynn: Send them where? You just said you don't know where he is.","Johnny: So send them down here to look for him.","Wynn: My people know Harlan county about as well as they know Juneau, Alaska. How are they supposed to find shelby before the Marshals or Boyd? You want them to go door to door or post fliers like he's a lost cat?","Johnny: So you're saying you got nobody in Harlan?","Wynn: Au contraire, Mr. Crowder. I do have a man in Harlan... You.","Johnny: [ Chuckles [ nervously ] So I got to find him on my own?","Wynn: It's called subcontracting, and it's how business is done in the 21st century. Now, find shelby before anyone else does, or you can say goodbye to that dream you have of displacing your cousin. Do you understand?","Johnny: Yeah.","Wynn: I expect hourly updates.","[ Sighs ]","Sheriff. Mr. Limehouse. I don't believe we've met. Mr. Limehouse, my name is Ellen may, and we come here for protection. Protection? Yeah, I got people trying to kill me. Now, how exactly you think this works, girl? Oh. My friend trixie... She used to always come up... Trixie had information for me. You got information for me? And what... your office ain't safe enough? Not right now, no. Listen, I know we had our differences in the past. Yeah, like you shooting down my cousin's boy in front that liquor store? But Ellen may ain't done nothing to you. And she can earn her keep. Yeah, well, uh... I ain't in the whore business. 'Course not. You're just a banker cuts meat all day and wants to be left alone. Now, you think that little, old star on your chest and that gun in your holster allows you to say whatever the hell you want up in my holler, but you a damn fool, shelby. You can ignore them both. And I know you're not gonna extend any comfort to me, regardless of the offer, but I know you need money. Is that right? What are you doing? What those Marshals took, what you had hidden in them pigs... I figure you must owe some of your depositors a sh1t load, plus interest. Well, you making a whole lot of assumptions. You can't just leave me here. You keep Ellen may safe and maybe get her out of town in a couple of weeks, I got $15,000 for you.","[ Grunts ]","Two weeks. And you get her out of town. Don't push your luck. Now, Boyd won't come up here. You'll be safe. Why can't you stay, too? I ain't welcome here. But I'll be all right. Oh, come on. Don't be silly. I need money, remember? $15,000's all I got. Yeah, well, from what I hear, you worth plenty... Drew.","[ Sighs ]","Boys. Don't... no! Well, I-i never thought of Ellen may to be one to start any trouble, you know? 'Cause she never had a thought of her own, you know? I mean, you just kind of put her in the right direction and push.","[ Chuckles ]","But, uh, why'd you say she left, again?","[ Glass breaks ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Boyd: I'm sure you remember I did not.","But, uh, well, it's real important you find her, huh?","Boyd: We both know I wouldn't be here otherwise, Nicky. Well, you know, it's been a long time, Boyd. I mean, it ain't like we're, uh, friends on the Facebook or nothing, you know? I mean, uh, sh1t. Well, you wouldn't find me on one of them websites anyway, you know? I mean, did you know that...","Boyd: Colt! The NSA's got all kinds of things... oh, whoa. No! Hold on! Hold on! Hold on, boys! Look, look, look. I want to help you. I really do. I do. But look... Can I confide in you, Boyd? All right. Look. Delroy didn't leave me with much. He took the whole business from me. I need some cash, is what I'm saying.","Boyd: Chair.","[ Screams ]","[ Grunting ]","Hey. C-come on, now. This ain't necessary, Boyd.","[ Groaning ]","[ Drill clicks ]","[ Yelps, whimpers ]","Boyd: You got another battery?","Unh-unh!","[ Whimpering ]","Boyd.","[ Muffled groaning ]","[ Yells ]","[ Screaming ]","Boyd: You think he's trying to say something, colt?","[ Yelling ]","Colton: I think he might be!","Boyd: I'm all ears, Mr. Cush!","Li... Limehouse! Limehouse! Whenever she'd get in trouble, she... she'd threaten to go to Limehouse!","Boyd: [ Chuckles ]","Ava: I know they're here. Were you even gonna tell me? Well, I didn't know I was obliged to keep you apprised of comings and goings in my holler.","Ava: I told you this woman means me harm. You or Boyd?","Ava: Me. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, you'd have said that either way.","Ava: [ Sighs ] Do you want to see her?","Ava: [ Gasps ]","[ Chuckles ]","See, Ava? I been hiding this whole time! And I ain't said nothing! I-I know why you did what you needed to do and why you thought you needed to do it. But even then, I still... I still didn't say nothing about... Uh, about nothing.","Ava: Did shelby drop you off? Shelby ain't left. Go on, girl. But... wait. Go on, now. Now, it didn't look to me like she mean you no harm at all.","Ava: [ Sighs ] How much for the both of them?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Boyd: For both of them?","Ava: Each.","Boyd: Well, tell him we'll do it.","Ava: Baby, that's gonna clean us out.","Boyd: Baby, just tell him.","I'll see you soon.","[ Cellphone beeps ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Boyd: You want your man, that's what it's gonna cost.","Oh, that's all, huh?","Boyd: That and a rather large piece of the heroin trade.","[ Chuckles ]","I don't think Theo's gonna go for that.","Boyd: I'm about to give you Drew goddamn Thompson on a silver platter. You bet your mama's wedding ring he'll go for it. Why don't we leave my mother out of this? And why don't you call me when you got him?","[ Click, dial tone ]","[ Cellphone beeps ]","Colton: We good?","Boyd: There's no substitution for a winning personality.","I'm so tired of hearing that goddamn girl's name.","Johnny: Teri, sweetie... I'm prettier than her. I'm blond, and I can do sh1t they ain't even thought up names for.","Johnny: Would you just stop, please, for a minute, and think? Now, maybe... maybe you know something you just don't know you know. What's that supposed to mean?","Johnny: It means to think about Ellen may, okay, and the people that she would talk about. Maybe she has an aunt or... or someone somewhere that she could count on. If she had somebody she could count on, I guess she wouldn't be sucking hillbilly dicks for money, would she?","[ Cellphone vibrates ]","[ Sighs ]","Johnny: Oh, sh1t.","[ Gasps ]","Johnny: Yo.","Boyd: Johnny?","I thought I asked you to stay at the bar.","Johnny: Oh, well, uh, I am, uh, working on a lead on shelby.","Boyd: Why, no need, cousin. Both he and our lost sheep have been found.","Johnny: You found them?","Boyd: Well, how about this for irony? Seems they made a wrong turn, fell into Ava's lap.","Johnny: They're at nobles?","Boyd: Limehouse is gonna sell them to us. It's gonna cost me everything I got. But we deliver shelby to Theo Tonin, I have it on good authority he will make it worth our while.","Johnny: sh1t, Boyd. Limehouse? You can't trust him.","Boyd: I don't have a choice, cousin.","[ Knock on door, door opens ]","But if we get this right... We will be kings.","Johnny: Well, all right. I'm on my way.","Raylan: What's up, Johnny? I don't believe we've had the pleasure. I'm deputy U.S. Marshal Givens. This is Brooks. I think I seen you up here before.","Raylan: As much as I don't consider myself the type, I have become a frequenter of this particular whorehouse.","Johnny: Hey, Teri, you step out?","Rachel: Actually, it's ladies of your establishment we're looking to speak to. Figure maybe they could help us find someone? Oh, my God. Not Ellen may again.","Raylan: So we're not the only ones, then?","Johnny: [ Chuckles ] You're asking questions about Ellen may? Maybe you're asking the wrong questions.","Raylan: Oh, I'm sorry, Johnny. What questions should we be asking? Honey, you can go. [ Sighs ] Whatever.","[ Door closes ]","Raylan: Okay.","Johnny: Well, maybe what you should be asking is where does Boyd keep all his money?","You bust his ass for tax evasion.","Raylan: Saying you're gonna tell us?","Johnny: Sure. Why the hell not? Boyd doesn't give a damn about nothing. Never did. When we was kids, he'd build half a tree house, and then he'd run off and go build a go-kart. And then he'd forget them both and spend the whole rest of the summer stealing candy and trading it for cigarettes.","Raylan: I'll take your word for it. I just dug coal with the man.","Johnny: And he gets back from the war, and he finds Jesus. And he receives his ordination through the mail from one of them Bible colleges down in South Carolina or some sh1t, making us all learn the ways of white supremacy, as it was laid down by the lord almighty. Then he goes on and on and on about white flight and all that sh1t. You know what that is?","Raylan: Mm-hmm. People moving out of town?","Johnny: White people moving to the suburbs.","Rachel: 'Cause they want to cut grass and have barbecues?","Johnny: [ Chuckles ] sh1t, no. 'Cause they want to get away from black people like you and all the greasers and the asiatics and all the goddamn Mexicans running around infecting the place. But, you know, these are Boyd's words.","Raylan: Johnny. What's your point?","Johnny: You know what he's doing now, Raylan? He's buying a house in the goddamn suburbs!","[ Both laugh ]","Up there on clover hill, because the man is in love.","Rachel: You sound like he stole your girlfriend.","Johnny: Ha! No. He stole Raylan's girlfriend. He stole my job. Oh, but I did get this as a consolation prize for believing all of his bullshit.","Raylan: Thing is, Johnny, you didn't get cut in half from Bo's shotgun 'cause of Boyd. You got shot 'cause that's the sh1t that happens when you choose to live a life as a small-time asshole. Second, I'm guessing if Boyd's getting close to Drew makes him a made man, then you'll be spending the rest of your days playing second fiddle. Your problem is we don't give a sh1t about Boyd. That's not why we're here. The man we're after... Drew Thompson. Now, you can help us with that, maybe we can do you a favor in the process.","[ Bottle uncorks ]","Johnny: [ Chuckles ]","Mr. Crowder!","Boyd: How about we dispense with the bullshit, get this thing done? See, now, I thought you'd come up here with a little more gratitude, considering all the stuff I done for you.","Boyd: I got three different types of people in my life... my friends, our friends, and her friends. You know which one you fall into? Well, I could guess.","Boyd: You ain't done sh1t for me. You done it for her. Now, you want what I got in this briefcase or you want to waste some more of my time? And I believe I'll take what I came for, be on my way. You ever been on a plane, Mr. Crowder?","Boyd: Why? You plan on taking flying lessons with my money? I've been having this dream. I dream that I'm flying this plane. I mean one of them great, big, old suckers... a jumbo jet. And all the passengers is folks from nobles holler. Damn near everybody I know and care about's on this thing. I'm at the controls when all of a sudden, something goes terribly wrong. Lights is flashing, buzzers sounding.","[ Imitates alarm blaring ]","And we start going down. And I'm fighting to keep it level, and it ain't no use. And I always wake up just before impact, sweating.","Boyd: While I believe I understand your subtle metaphor, what I don't understand is why you feel the need to tell me. Well... I'm telling you so you understand... Why I'm about to do what I'm about to do.","Ava: Ellstin, we had a deal. We did.","Ava: Yeah. And now I'm changing it. Hell, that ain't enough money to purchase no two lives. It'll get you one. And which 'un is up to you.","Boyd: [ Clears throat ] Well, uh... You mind if I take a moment to confer with my lady? Ellen may. No.","Boyd: Ava, we can always make more money. But if she turns on us...","Ava: She ain't gonna say anything.","Boyd: You don't know that!","Ava: She hasn't so far.","Boyd: Ava, she's a wild animal, and if she gets cornered, there's no telling what she'll do.","Ava: Shelby's our future. We can't pass this up.","Boyd: There ain't no future for me without you. It's Ellen may.","Ava: Then do this for me, for us. Please. Shelby. No. [ Crying ] No, no. No, no. Girl. Girl, be quiet. Please. No, no, no, no! Please. Take me! He ain't done anything wrong! He didn't do anything to you!","Ava: Limehouse wouldn't do no different than we would. No, you don't know that!","Ava: Listen! You're gonna be safe... [ Spits ] No!! Get off. [ Crying ] No. Girl. Come on, girl. Girl.","[ Crying ]","It's okay. It's okay. It's my time. It's my time. The boys will take y'all back down the hill to your car. When you get another 300 grand together, you, uh... Give me a call. We'll talk about getting your little ho back.","Ava: [ Sighs ] Oh, thank you.","[ Crying ]","Boyd: Hey.","Come on. I jumped with too much cocaine. Came in hot, broke my legs. Never would've stayed in Harlan if I had landed right. Well... Whole world would've been mine to explore.","Boyd: Well, I'd say you had yourself a pretty good run, considering. Well, thanks to your daddy and Arlo... may they rest in peace.","Ava: Are you saying Arlo Givens is dead? Shivved in prison. Figured you'd have heard by now.","Boyd: No, we had not. Poetic, I suppose, as you'll soon be joining them in the afterlife. I'm sure the three of you will have a lot to talk about. That cocaine I brought to Harlan... that made your people, Boyd. Pulled them out of trailers, put them in houses. Put food on your table, presents under your tree. That's why your daddy protected me all those years, no matter what befell him. But I wonder, after all he went through, what he'd think about you handing me over to be tortured and killed?","Boyd: Well, under the circumstances, I think he'd understand just fine. I think maybe you didn't know your daddy.","Boyd: Listen... Drew, shelby, whatever the hell your name is... I appreciate the play you're trying to make. But men like us... Sooner or later, we got to reap what we sow. And this is your 6x6 plot of land.","[ Vehicle approaches ]","[ Vehicle door opens ]","Well, amigo, this is where we part ways. Now, if it's any solace during this difficult moment, know that your sacrifice will be providing for the next generation of the Crowder family.","[ Vehicle door shuts ]","Colt! You ready to make your penance? Don't forget my money.","Rachel: You're not worried.","Raylan: I wasn't, till you started up.","Rachel: Letting this ride on the word of Johnny Crowder...","Raylan: You were there. He made a very compelling argument.","Raylan: Or we just got played like a bunch of first-class chumps.","[ Cellphone vibrates ]","Raylan: Drop's in one of the fields down off gentry road.","Rachel: Where the hell is gentry road?","Raylan: That way.","Turn right.","Rachel: How much time do we have?","Raylan: Didn't say.","Rachel: How are we supposed to know which field?","Raylan: Apparently, all we got to do is look up. She was at my house, you know... the whore... cowering underneath kitchen table while you were prowling around the entryway. All I could do to keep from laughing my ass off, watching you hoot and holler.","Colton: Shh. You were a military policeman, right? That's nice police work. Pretty sure her goddamn sweater was draped over the chair right by where you were standing.","[ Grunts ]","[ Breathing heavily ]","Is that who you are? Hit a defenseless old man about to punch his ticket?","Colton: Well, I told you to shh. You junkie pussy. You got no balls.","Colton: Don't push me. You're gonna die at Boyd's hand once he uses you up. Oh, what are you gonna do with that... wave it around, try and look tough?","Colton: Go ahead. Try me. Keep talking.","[ Chuckles ]","You haven't got the stones. You couldn't hurt anybody, except maybe a weak, broken-down whore. You ain't man enough to pull that trigger. But go on. Do it. Do it!","[ Breathing heavily ]","Colton: [ Laughing ]","Nice try.","[ Laughs ]","I appreciate your effort.","[ Continues laughing ]","You are gonna wish that I shot you. What do think they're gonna do to you once they get ahold of you, huh? Hmm? Cut you up in pieces? Waterboard you? And cut out that eye? You heard about that, huh?","Colton: I've seen men in the service die slow. It is a horrible way to go. Please. Boyd will still get his money.","[ Helicopter blades whirring ]","Colton: I think your ride is here.","Happy trails. Go! Go, go, go. Boyd's guy colt ran up the road there into the woods. Handcuff keys are on the fence post over there.","Art: Tim? Rachel, back him up. You okay? [ Panting ] Yeah. Thanks for coming out.","[ Chuckles ]","Raylan: Anything for Drew Thompson.","Yeah. Sorry I didn't mention it sooner.","Raylan: Oh, what fun would that have been?","[ Grunts ]","[ Handcuffs click ]","I guess this is where I'm supposed to surrender.","Art: You can tell us everything now or let it be a big surprise later. You get me out of here, I'll give you whatever you want.","Raylan: Where's your girlfriend? She's at Limehouse's place. She's gonna need your help.","Raylan: Yeah, we'll get right on that.","Boyd: Uh-huh.","[ Sighs ]","That was colt. The Marshals got to Drew before Nicky could.","Ava: How is that possible? What do we do?","Boyd: We make a case to Theo.","Johnny: Or...?","Boyd: Or we run.","[ Cellphone beeps ]","Wynn: That was Nicky augustine.","The Marshals have Drew Thompson. sh1t.","[ Water running ]","Wynn: Yes.","That. He wants us down in Harlan. We gonna go?","Wynn: Do you have a passport? You need a passport to get into Harlan?","Wynn: No, you need a passport to get into Canada. Are you serious?","Wynn: Would you prefer Mexico? I'd prefer not running away like a little bitch.","Wynn: Okay. You can stay. I don't know how I'll survive without you, but I'll try to get by.","[ Sighs ]","Raylan: Is is just me, or they look empty-handed?","Art: Well, this could be a real big thing for you, Raylan.","Bump you up a couple of grades, get your choice of assignment. Could be a whole new life for you. Your kid, too.","Raylan: Still gonna suspend me for hunter mosley?","Art: Oh, you bet your ass. But still... enjoy this.","Raylan: This? We're standing in a field. We haven't done sh1t.","Tim: He got to his car before we could get to him.","Rachel: [ Panting ] So what's next?","Art: Theo Tonin knows we got Drew. He's not gonna be too happy about that.","Raylan: Meaning we just got to figure out how to get out of Harlan alive."],"Show Title":"Justified","Episode Number":"04x10","Episode Title":"Get Drew","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Justified_06x08.json","Recap":["Ready to pull-up roots, Raylan cleans up Arlo's house and burns the contents of his old army footlocker. He makes arrangements to have the family remains interred on the property moved to the town cemetery. Raylan then catches Zachariah getting a box of dynamite to hurry along the tunnelling per Boyd's request, and Raylan lets him carry-on hoping Boyd will get in deeper. Raylan then goes to Avery at the empty Pizza Portal, asking for help to conclude the manhunt so he can get back on Boyd, revealing that Boyd has been the thorn in Avery's side. Avery goes along, announcing a $100k reward for bringing in Ty. Earl escorts Ava home only to be ambushed by Ty. Having been burned by Avery, Ty proposes to Boyd a scheme to rob his former employer, knowing his team are dead or in the wind leaving an unguarded vault to which he has the combination. Raylan arrives and tells them about the reward for Ty; realizing it is too dangerous to shelter him, Boyd reveals the fugitive who makes a run for it and is shot down by Raylan. To collect the reward Boyd is brought to the Pizza Portal and shown the stacks of cash, some $10M, lighting a fire under him to pull off the heist. Ava later informs to Raylan, telling him the mineshaft Boyd is using to tunnel for the vault, though Raylan also gets the impression that Ava's been burned. Before leaving Harlan, Raylan looks into Arlo's back shed fearing the worst but finding it empty. Also, Wynn provides Katherine with a theory linking now-deceased Gordon Keith, a colleague of his who worked for Avery, as the killer of both Grady and Poole; Katherine passes along this information to Art."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Seabass: What's our play?","Markham: Walker's burned.","He's a rogue element.","Walker: [groans]","Markham: Ain't nothing for him now.","The Pig: It almost looks like somebody cut the boards away.","Zachariah: God damn, son, you got one hell of an eye.","[screams]","Katherine: You think that I was the rat?","Markham: That was why I got out of here.","Figured I was next. You've thought that all these years. Why the hell would you want to marry me?","Markham: I made my peace with it.","Wynn: Were you the snitch?","Katherine: Of course not.","Wynn: Well, somebody was, and what better way to get you thinking it can't have been him than to say he thinks it was you.","Boyd: So, how about you come out, say what it is you got to say?","Ava: I'm a snitch. I'm a C.I. for Raylan.","Boyd: I understand what you did, why you did it. I still... love you.","Ava: [voice breaking] I love you, too, Boyd.","Winona: I'm saying I love you, and if you want it, I want you by my side raising our daughter. We gonna do this, then?","Raylan: I don't see how we don't try. What do you give us, 50\/50 shot?","Raylan: 51\/49.","[music]","Carl: Sorry, Boyd. I would've called you sooner, but ...","Boyd: Where is he?","Carl: He's down in the mine.","Boyd: Not The Pig. Where's Zachariah?","Carl: That's what I mean ... he's down in the mine.","Boyd: I thought you said he'd stopped working.","Carl: He did. Said to send you down as soon as you got here. He wants to show you how it happened.","It's a damn shame about The Pig. He was a good man.","Boyd: Yeah. Earl, I want you to get Ava home, and I don't want you to let her out of your sight. You understand?","Earl: Yes, sir.","Boyd: Come over here. Look, I'll be there soon. Meantime, you start looking around, See what it is you want to take with you. All this is over.","Ava: I supposed to pack anything for you?","Boyd: We got the money. I'll have you. Everything else, I can replace.","Ava: Boyd. You still have my phone.","Boyd: This is our only pipeline to Raylan. We got to use it wisely and in concert with each another. You trust me? You trust me?","Ava: [inhales deeply] Yes.","Boyd: Earl.","Carl.","Mortician: Do you wish to exhume all the plots?","Raylan: Just the two ... my parents.","Mortician: And how long ago were they interred?","Raylan: Her 2000, him last year.","And how about the manner in which they were buried?","Raylan: I wasn't around, but I guarantee you he put her in the cheapest piece of sh1t available.","Mortician: Likely an unvaulted wooden casket.","Raylan: Mm-hmm.","Mortician: And him?","Raylan: I put him in the cheapest piece of sh1t available.","Mortician: A word of caution, if I may. What you're moving is not your mother's remains. It is the idea of her remains. You well may be digging up nothing but dirt. Then dig up the dirt.","Mortician: Very well. The process can be labor-intensive.","[Vehicle approaches]","We will supervise all the work, handle the state and municipal permits and all the transportation.","Raylan: Okay.","Mortician: Now, you mentioned the new location is the town cemetery.","Raylan: Just for her.","[car door closes]","Mortician: Uh, and your father's final resting place?","[car door closes]","Whatever works for you.","Mortician: Uh, well, it's entirely up to you.","Raylan: Potter's field?","Tim: What happened to your lawn? Did I interrupt a goat sacrifice?","Raylan: Tim. What's up?","Tim: Oh, leads on Walker's movements are coming from conflicting sources. I petitioned Rachel I come back down,","regroup the teams, re-evaluate the leads.","Dude, what happened to your lawn?","Raylan: All right, so you're gonna work out here? Good. You can watch the place while I'm gone.","Tim: Oh, you're heading out?","Raylan: Mm-hmm.","Tim: Well, be a peach and run down a eyewitness out in London ...","saw a suspicious character on her lawn.","Raylan: I ain't working the manhunt.","Tim: Your 24 hours on the fainting couch are done.","Raylan: I'm back to work. I just ain't looking for Walker.","Tim: This have anything to do with him?","Raylan: No ... a lead I came up with on my own.","Tim: Unrelated to the Walker thing?","Raylan: Zachariah Randolph.","Tim: Let me guess ... local boy.","How come no one down here's ever named Steve or Justin?","Raylan: Ava's kin, her maiden name being Randolph.","Tim: Practical question ... When can I tell acting Chief Brooks to expect you back on job number one?","Raylan: Getting Boyd Crowder is job number one.","Earl: The way he said it, you know?","Like last time I didn't do a good job or something.","Ava: Honestly, Earl, Boyd's got bigger things on his mind than to be angry at you. I promise.","Walker: You locked the door. I suppose it's just the three of us, then.","[title music]","\u266a On this lonely road, trying to make it home \u266a \u266a doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? \u266a \u266a I'm fighting for my soul, god, get at your boy \u266a \u266a you try to bogard, fall back, I go hard \u266a \u266a on this lonely road, trying to make it home \u266a \u266a doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? \u266a \u266a I see them long, hard times to come \u266a","Zachariah: Hey, there, Boyd. Sorry about your man.","Boyd: I don't give a sh1t about that man. How much?","Zachariah: What's that?","Boyd: How much you trying to shake me down for, Zachariah?","Zachariah: What the hell? You think I'm quitting 'cause I want more money? I'm quitting 'cause it's too goddamn dangerous!","Boyd: Why I paid you $10,000 to do it.","Zachariah: A man died, Boyd. A man you ain't known a goddamn week!","Zachariah: Well, I can see you really torn up about it. [i]Real leader of men, ain't ya?","Boyd: It ain't the first man I've lost doing a job, Zachariah, and the job ain't over yet. Now, how much?","Zachariah: [chuckles softy] Another 10 grand ought to do it.","Boyd: I'll give you 5. And you and Carl got two days to get to the bottom of that vault.","Zachariah: Might want to switch to dynamite sooner than we planned.","Boyd: That gonna cost me extra?","Zachariah: Yeah. Gratis.","[scoffs]","Walker: Now take another loop around. Now tuck it under.","Tie it off. You're gonna be tempted to leave that loose so as to allow a valiant escape. You best perish that thought.","[sighs]","You got any duct tape?","Ava: [sighs] Got some over here.","Walker: No, you don't. That's where you had that nickel 9-milly. I also moved the shotgun you had in that cupboard over there, in case that was the next place you wanted to say the duct tape was.","Ava: In that case, guess I don't have any duct tape, Mr. Walker.","Walker: Now, before you make the risky decision to go for any other hidden gun I might have missed or to try for your drawers in the hopes that I failed to secure your cutlery, you should know this ... I'm not here to hurt you.","Ava: Okay.","Walker: Or Boyd, either. You don't believe me. I get that.","I'll explain why you should while we await Boyd's return. But first... I need you to stitch me up. [chuckles] Ugh.","Raylan: Zachariah Randolph?","Zachariah: I am.","Raylan Givens. Dog Hole mine, 1990? Joseph's Valley.","Zachariah: Joseph's Valley ... long time ago.","[chuckles]","Raylan: You remember a digger named Boyd Crowder?","Zachariah: You Arlo Givens' boy, ain't you?","Raylan: I am. What line of work you in these days?","Zachariah: Now, look here, sonny.","I didn't have no dealings with your daddy, and, all due respect to your time on the Earth, I don't want no dealings with you, neither.","Raylan: Yeah. Most people don't. What you got in that crate there?","Zachariah: Eh... it ain't none of your affairs.","Raylan: Man of principle?","Zachariah: \"Dishonest man spreadeth strife,\" sayeth the Lord.","[chuckles]","Raylan: What's your rate?","Zachariah: What's that?","Raylan: You're a whore.","What do you charge? I'm just curious.","Zachariah: Now, look, I don't care who you are or what past we share. You just go on, get out of here.","Raylan: I know Boyd's paying you. I open that crate, am I gonna find out what for?","Zachariah: Maybe what I'm doing ain't about money.","Raylan: It's always about money. Jesus Christ, the one thing every shit-apple redneck is guaranteed to take with both hands and left foot is money.","Zachariah: Maybe you in for a little surprise. Maybe this ain't what you think it is. Maybe it all ain't gonna turn out the way you think it will. [chuckles]","Raylan: Move. You gonna have to move me.","[grunts]","God damn you!","Damn it.","[groaning weakly]","Zachariah: You had enough?","Raylan: Yeah.","You okay?","Zachariah: Yeah.","Raylan: [sighs] Got me pretty good. Well, I still got some scrap.","[sighs]","[breathing heavily]","I guess it's the end of the line, ain't it?","Raylan: I ain't gonna take you in.","Zachariah: Thank you.","Raylan: Don't. You're in deep sh1t either way.","Katherine: Where's Wynn?","Mike: Oh, he'll be right out. He spilled guacamole on his shirt.","Katherine: 9:30 in the morning?","Mike: He loves guac.","Katherine: Is there any ice?","Wynn: Mikey, when was the last time you went to the dry cleaners? I don't have a single clean shirt that goes with these pants.","Mike: Thought I went Tuesday.","Wynn: Well ...","Katherine: I don't have a lot of time. I'm playing tennis with my shithead sister-in-law. It'll be the fall of Saigon if I'm late.","Mike: Where do you play? We should play doubles sometime. I dated a tennis pro for a while. I'll go to the cleaners.","Wynn: You want proof Markham's the rat?","Katherine: This is it?","Wynn: Do you remember a gentleman by the name of Gordon Keith?","Katherine: Maybe. Uh... beard, wouldn't shut up about Lee Harvey Oswald?","Wynn: That's the one. Yeah, kind of wheels-off, if I remember.","Wynn: If you read that file, you may also remember his weapon of choice is a shotgun.","Katherine: Simon Poole.","Wynn: The U.S. Attorney, yes ... shotgunned in the street.","Katherine: Yeah, the feds keep trying to put that one on me.","Wynn: The world's an unjust place, Katherine.","Katherine: All right, so this indicts Avery how?","Wynn: I'm getting to that. Two days after your husband was put in lockup, the aforementioned Gordon Keith was picked up for shoplifting a bottle of vodka. I happen to know Gordon Keith is not a vodka man. Two days after Gordon's arrest, your husband is found dead in his cell. Then, and only then, does Gordon Keith make bail.","Katherine: Wynn, didn't Gordon Keith work for you?","Wynn: He worked with me. He worked for Avery Markham.","Katherine: And now? And now ... well, now he's dead.","Katherine: Convenient. Occupational hazard.","Katherine: Well, I will read the file.","Wynn: Hope it carries more weight than that rock on your finger.","Katherine: Mm. You know, Avery's getting sick of this mess in Harlan ... his men all dead, the place crawling with marshals now.","Wynn: I was unable to reach Boyd last night, but when last we spoke, he was well aware of the urgency of the situation.","Katherine: Yeah. Then again, if he doesn't get it in time, maybe it's not the end of the world.","Wynn: Oh?","Katherine: I marry Avery, we take his money a year from now,","two years from now ... it doesn't really matter.","I'll have access to his entire bank account.","Wynn: Seems like I'm a third wheel in that scenario.","Katherine: [sighs] I wouldn't be too anxious, Wynn. I'm just thinking out loud.","Walker: You think Boyd'll go for it?","Ava: You're gonna have to wait and ask Boyd.","Walker: If he doesn't, there's no reason you and I couldn't go through with it ourselves.","[scoffs]","Maybe Earl could help out.","You be up for that, Earl?","Aah!","Earl: Aah!","Walker: [inhales sharply] Oh, m...","[breathing heavily]","Oh, my. [chuckles] That was interesting. Earl's pitiful life passed before his eyes. Didn't it, Earl? All right, let's get back to it. And this time, as discussed, please place the sutures a full quarter inch from the edge of the wound.","[car door closes]","All right.","[keys jingle]","Boyd: Ava?","Where you at, girl?","Walker: Boyd, you put it down. I just came to talk.","If I wanted to hurt you, I would've done it already, don't you think?","Boyd: I gave up guessing why people do what they do a long time ago. Only way you're gonna get this gun out of my hand is with a bullet. Are you really here to talk? Why don't you... put it down?","Walker: Here. All right. Boyd. Boyd, hold on.","[grunts]","Boyd: You come into my house, put your hands on my fianc\u00e9e?","Ava: I'm fine. Boyd, he's telling the truth.","Markham cut him loose.","Boyd: Good!","Then nobody'll give a sh1t when they find his rotten corpse at the bottom of a mine shaft.","Walker: Wait!","Ava: Boyd, wait! He knows the combination to the vault.","Walker: My men are either dead or in the wind ... every one of them.","Maybe the old man's there, maybe he's not, but he's one man. He'll bring someone else in, but he hasn't had time to do it yet. That vault is completely unguarded.","Boyd: You don't think he's changed the combination by now?","Walker: Ah, there's not a smith in this state skilled enough to service that vault. You're a careful man, Boyd, but you know full well my way's better than any scheme you've got cooking.","Boyd: You trying to manipulate me, Mr. Walker? 'Cause I'm long past the point of needing my ego stroked.","Walker: Let's just say I don't see you pulling thrill-seeker holdups with a \"born to lose\" tattoo on your chest.","Boyd: Well, me being a careful man, I got to ask ... why you want to help me so bad, Mr. Walker?","Walker: You mean, why didn't I sneak in there myself, line my pockets, get out of town? It's that last part that's the problem, isn't it? We got leos combing these hills ... hills that, for me, are unfamiliar terrain.","Ava: But not so unfamiliar to us. That it?","Walker: I'm not trying to help you so much as help myself.","Ava: How do we know Boyd doesn't walk down into that basement, find himself surrounded by a dozen guns?","Walker: You're saying I got myself shot, risked my life coming in here, just to set you up? It's a lot of effort just to dick you people over.","Boyd: Could be you got yourself shot, Avery Markham said, \"you bring me Boyd Crowder, I'll take you anywhere you want to go.\"","Walker: You're crossing the border from careful to paranoid now. Well, if you'd mind be more paranoid...","you wouldn't be in the situation you currently find yourself.","Walker: Yet, at some point, you have to trust me, or you have to shoot me.","Boyd: Well, you're a lucky man, Mr. Walker.","Not two days ago, I would've told you, \"good night and good luck,\" But circumstances have changed.","Walker: Partners, then?","Boyd: I don't need another partner. But I will help you rob that vault.","Katherine: Chief Deputy Art Mullen. Come on in.","Art: Ms. Hale. Although I suppose it's technically \"on-leave Chief Deputy\" right now.","Katherine: Yeah, they told me that when I called there asking about you. That's such a shame.","Art: Eh, it's damned annoying more than anything else, but I guess I'm better off than the guy who shot me.","Katherine: Suppose you're wondering why I asked you here.","Art: Oh, I don't know. Pretty lady like you, clandestine hotel meeting I think I can figure it out.","Katherine: Well, actually, Avery called me and told me some bald, wrinkled asshole of a marshal was giving him grief, and I said,","\"why, I would recognize that description anywhere.\"","Art: Oh, that really doesn't ring a bell. What's it been, like 14 years?","I wasn't even bald back then. Well, maybe a little.","Katherine: Yeah, that was a long time ago, which makes me wonder why you are so concerned about who ratted out my husband way back then.","Art: Oh, you know, I'm sitting there, recuperating from gunshot, watching all that \"forensic files\" unsolved mystery bullshit on TV, and then I hear about the sh1t hitting the fan with your boy toy, Markham, down in Harlan, and... got my curiosity up. Well, when you find that snitch, what are you gonna do with him?","Art: Or her.","Katherine: Or her.","Art: Mm-hmm. Yeah, well, it occurred to me that the snitch might know who shotgunned Simon Poole ... and, in fact, might be the one who did it.","Katherine: Well, isn't that little Mexican a.U.S.A. of yours already convinced that I'm the one who had his boss gunned down?","Art: Lack of evidence to the contrary, it's not a bad bet. You know what? It's a crazy coincidence, but I happen to be looking into the murder of Simon Poole, as well.","Art: Really? Trying to clear your good name? Well, it seems to me that whoever killed Simon Poole is probably the same person who killed Grady in prison ... all at the behest of whoever ratted on Grady to begin with.","Art: And you think it's Markham?","Katherine: What do you think? I, um... I'm gonna need to open a drawer.","Art: Slowly.","Katherine: Do you know who Gordon Keith is?","Art: Can't say that I do. Well, see what you can make of that.","Art: Hmm.","You just want to see justice done, huh?","Katherine: The man who shot you ... he changed your life forever, right? And what happened to him?","Art: Well, he got his balls shot off, then he got gut-shot. Least, that's what the report said. Sadly, I wasn't there. Well, the guy who ratted on Grady turned my life to sh1t, and I want something like that to happen to him.","That is what I want.","You can see yourself out.","[folder flapping]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[door opens, bells jingle]","[door closes]","Raylan: I figured I'd find you back in Harlan ... back of your restaurant, back against the wall. I've heard it called \"the Sicilian advantage.\"","Markham: Well, I ain't Sicilian. I'm just reading a newspaper.","Raylan: Eyes on points of entry and exit, geography mitigating surprise. You're down a few on your security detail. Why you got that shoulder rig ... take any comers try to hit your vault full of drug money.","Markham: You see that sign? Have a nice day, marshal.","Raylan: You see this star? Kiss my ass, Markham. Harlan. Hell of a place to make your fortune.","Markham: Fortune? Hell, I'm putting down roots.","Raylan: Tough to do in quicksand.","Markham: You proud of yourself ... slowing me down?","Raylan: I might be if I was the only one.","Can't take credit for all your troubles, though, can I?","Markham: If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.","Raylan: That's why you drove up to Lexington ... show the U.S. Marshals you're there to help?","Markham: You're asking for my help?","Raylan: I want Walker, you want land.","Help me get Walker, maybe you get your land.","Markham: My, my. Stooping to extortion.","Raylan: Extortion? Simple math. I get Walker cleared of my plate, I get Boyd.","Markham: That's about as clear as mud, son.","Raylan: Who you waiting to barge through that door? Hmm?","Who put the word out to half the landowners in town?","Markham: Telling me it wasn't you?","Raylan: You think folks around here are gonna turn you away 'cause some lawman said so?","Crowder said, \"you sell, you die.\"","Markham: You're telling me, after all the saber rattling, we're on the same side?","Raylan: Saying we got a common problem.","Markham: And Walker's the man in between.","Raylan: I know what you're thinking. Walker goes down, talks, you're in the hot seat. But you ever know an ex-ranger to give up without a fight?","Markham: [chuckles] I just can't imagine you're part of the solution.","Raylan: Who else you got? Tell me why.","Raylan: Let's just say you're putting down roots, I'm pulling up. Sick of the past.","Markham: True. Past is a shadow. Always there behind you.","Raylan: In Harlan ... sh1t, it ain't behind you.","It's vertical. Dig down another layer, turn up some horror. Let's talk how we get the man in the middle.","[music]","What's the one thing no shit-apple redneck in the world can resist?","Jackie: And that will be coming up at the top of the hour here on \"the Crow Show,\" but right now, I am joined by once-and-future local luminary Avery Markham.","Now, this is a man who...","Raylan: Tim, I know I said I wasn't gonna help run down Walker,","but, well... there's a certain kind of man who, in this situation, would say, \"you're welcome.\"","Not me, per se ... a certain kind of man.","Tim: A dick.","Raylan: Pretty sure there's a radio there on the dining room hutch.","Tune in to AM 1194.","[click, radio tuning]","Tim: All right, quiet, everyone. Hey!","Jackie: You listen to \"the Crow Show,\" you know we here are keeping...","Tim: They're playing Raylan's song on the radio, here.","Jackie: ...going on with law enforcement, and I'm not exaggerating to say that there's a pretty serious manhunt going on out there,","And he has an idea that could throw the cuffs on this fugitive before anyone else gets hurt, so please elaborate.","Markham: Well, thank you, Jackie. I'd just like to tell all the folks out there that I'm willing to guarantee a $100,000 cash reward to any person who can bring in the fugitive Ty Walker.","Tim: Jesus Christ.","Raylan: You're welcome.","[cellphone beeps]","Boyd: You sensitive to odors, Mr. Walker?","Walker: As much as anyone. Why?","Boyd: Man I know used to smuggle weed in trucks full of pig sh1t.","Walker: I've seen men survive in worse ways, but I wouldn't mind a more appetizing option.","Ava: What about grubes?","Walker: Grooves in what?","Boyd: Not grooves ... grubes. He's a man I know ... sort of.","Ava: Lives up in them hills, like a wildcat, but he ain't no hill person.","Boyd: He ain't one of us, either.","He'll get you to the other side of that mountain. Of that, I'm certain. But I don't know what he will want in return. I don't think money means so much to a fellow like that.","Walker: Well, I'm gonna want to talk to him ... Him or the pig-shit guy ... before we go to the Portal. I want assurances.","Boyd: First, let's talk about how we get into the Pizza Portal. Then we'll talk about your assurances.","Walker: We drive up, we walk in. I told you ... there's no one left to guard the place.","Boyd: With you and one of your men loose, you better believe the marshals are watching that place 24\/7.","Walker: Call in an anonymous tip ... Ty Walker holed up across town.","Boyd: And whose phone you think we gonna use to make that call, Mr. Walker? Sit tight while I confer with my lady. One text from you, and those marshals will go wherever you say.","Ava: We can only pull this trigger once, Boyd. I lie to Raylan like that, and I am burnt.","Boyd: I understand that, baby, but if we got to pull that trigger, this is the bull's-eye we want to hit. Now, we walk in, we take the money, and just like that, we're gone.","Earl: Boyd? Boyd!","[vehicle approaching]","Boyd: What?!","Walker: Car coming.","Earl: Think it's that marshal grabbed my nuts.","Walker: sh1t.","Boyd: Raylan Givens.","Raylan: Look at you, hopping to like Mr. Hospitality.","Must be hiding something good.","Boyd: Arms aloft in a welcoming stance? Not I.","Raylan: Surely something good is going on inside.","Boyd: Well, you do have a tendency to interlope in moments of high drama, but this ain't one of those moments.","Raylan: Do you even know when you're lying anymore, or is it just like blinking?","Boyd: What do you want, Raylan? Leftover chicken? It's all been et.","Raylan: What happened to the big, bad man called out 24 hours to get 'er done?","Boyd: Afraid I don't understand your reference, Raylan.","Raylan: I'm asking where your balls are at.","You gonna pull off the job, Boyd, or am I gonna die of anticipation?","Boyd: Is that why you came ... help me find my balls?","Raylan: I came to tell you I'm tired of waiting, tired of the bullshit. I been lying to you, Boyd. Well, now we're getting somewhere.","Raylan: Keeping up the fiction that I got all manner of things tying me to Kentucky ... things that forestall my moving to Florida. But there is only the one thing ... you.","Boyd: You wanna lean in for a kiss?","Raylan: Is that what you think this is ... another one of your love stories?","Boyd: Oh, well, I do like happy endings.","Raylan: Well, this is one of them classic stories, where the hero gets his man, then he rides off into the sunset.","Boyd: [laughs] Or maybe it's like that other classic, where a guy chases a whale to the ends of the Earth, only to drown for his troubles.","Raylan: I got to admit, there's a small part of me that's gonna miss this when it's over.","Boyd: [chuckles] Well, don't eulogize the past till the future gets its turn.","[Door opens, closes]","Ava: Boyd. Where's your head?","Raylan, you want to come in for a drink? I think I will.","Ava: See? Look. Nothing to hide.","Raylan: Oh. So you heard?","Ava: It's quiet in here. Voices travel.","Raylan: Why so quiet? Everything okay?","Boyd: Everything's fine, Raylan.","Raylan: The lady can certainly answer for herself.","Everything fine?","Ava: Yes, Raylan. Everything's fine.","Boyd: You satisfied? Now, ain't you got something better to do, like building the case against the magnificent Boyd Crowder?","Raylan: Oh, I got tons to do. Like, I got to find Avery Markham's badman.","But I got a top man operating behind the scenes, so frees me up to come here and help you find your balls.","Boyd: Damn, Raylan, you in love with my balls.","Raylan: You must not have heard... money antenna ain't shivering.","$100,000 goes to whoever helps bring in the badman.","Boyd: This man giving you your money, he your new \"top man\"?","Raylan: Avery Markham himself.","Boyd: Markham's turning in one of his own soldiers.","Well, that's cold-blooded, brother!","Raylan: Every turd with a pair of nuts and a scatter-gun gonna be combing the countryside with dollar signs in their eyes.","Boyd: He's in the back.","[thudding]","Raylan: Walker! Stop!","[gunfire]","Walker: [groaning]","[straining] This is bullshit. You shot me in the back!","Raylan: You wanted to get hit in the front, you should have run toward me.","All for what ... money? [weakly] No.","[wheezing]","No. No.","No, not just money.","[inhales raggedly]","No...","[exhales slowly]","[police radio chatter]","Raylan: Your five minutes are up.","Geist: And now it's your turn? No.","Boyd: Does that mean we can go now?","Nobody's talking to you.","Geist: Exactly ... or Ms. Crowder or the boy with the busted lip.","Now, my clients were in fear for their lives.","They were not trying to harbor a dangerous fugitive. They were trying to find a way to notify the authorities when you showed up. And, uh... thank you for rescuing them.","Raylan: You're a good lawyer. All the good ones have ponytails.","Geist: Good evening to you, too.","Raylan: You ain't gonna collect your reward money, Boyd?","Boyd: Come on, baby.","Raylan: 100,000 bucks!","Boyd: You are so full of sh1t. Oh. So you don't want it? My goodness.","Boyd: Whoa. Hold on, now. What's the catch?","Raylan: No catch. On my mama's grave.","[music]","Markham: You've got to be joking me.","Raylan: What's important is not who gets the reward...","Markham: It is not unimportant.","Raylan: ...but the fact that a dangerous man has been taken off the streets because of your generosity.","[tumblers clicking]","[vault door creaks]","Zachariah: [grunting]","Okay.","Get on out of here.","Carl: You sure?","Zachariah: Yeah.","[vault door creaks]","[vault door locks]","Fire in the hole! Fire in the hole! Yee!","Boyd: Well, I was born at night, Raylan, but I wasn't born last night. You wanted me to see that stack. That's why you pushed for this.","Raylan: I wanted you to get your due reward.","Boyd: What happened to all that talk about \"no more lies\"?","Raylan: Guess that was a lie.","Boyd: Told on your mama's grave.","Raylan: You know, I never put too much stock in that kind of sh1t.","Boyd: No. Lying comes easy to both of us.","Raylan: Mm. It's a hell of a stack, huh?","Boyd: You sure you want me to take that bait?","'Cause this fox goes for that rabbit... ...it's all over, Raylan. I tremble with anticipation.","Boyd: [chuckles]","[footsteps depart]","Raylan: [sighs]","[rumbling in distance]","[rumbling continues]","[rumbling stops]","Earl: Hey, Boyd, it's us.","Boyd: Now, Earl, you keep working this hard, you're gonna have a hell of a bonus in your Christmas stocking.","Now, why don't you go on home, see about that split lip?","Earl: Appreciate that, Boyd. I'd do anything for y'all.","Boyd: Go on.","[door opens]","[door closes]","$100,000 ... cash. You should have seen the look on the man's face, having to hand it over.","Ava: [sighs] So we got money now. Let's go.","Boyd: I thought you might say that. First, I got to show you something.","Ava: What is it?","Boyd: This is the exact size of the stack of money in Markham's vault. It's all in hundreds, like the bundle he gave me. God damn it. It's got to be $10 million, Ava.","Ava: That's a lot of money. [chuckles] But a bird in the hand...","Boyd: $10 million is a whole lot of birds, baby.","Ava: Boyd, there's about a hundred ways today could've gone wrong ... me back in prison or both of us shot dead. You keep saying \"when we're done,\" \"when we get this money.\"","Well, we got money. Let's go.","Boyd: Baby, what are we gonna do with $100,000?","Ava: What are we gonna do with $10 million?","Boyd, please. It will be enough.","Boyd: Baby, you know me. I have never done anything half-measure in my life. I can't start now ... not when there's this much meat on the bone. This is $10 million, baby. $10 million.","Ava: $10 or $10 million ... would you ever be able to walk away?","Boyd: Do I have a choice?","Ava: Yes. That's what this is about.","Boyd: [sighs]","Ava: Where's my phone? I need to meet Raylan. After what happened today... You ain't afraid I'll spill my guts, beg him to pull me out?","Boyd: I know that you will tell him as little as possible. I know that you love me, Ava. And I know even if you didn't, you're a smart woman who knows a good deal when she sees one. Now, you help Raylan put me away, what's he got to offer you? A clean slate in witness protection? A shitty condo in Arizona? Little bit of money? How much money?","Ava: 50 grand.","Boyd: 50 grand?","[scoffs]","There's 50 grand. And there's $10 million. Take your pick.","[vehicle approaches, engine shuts off]","Raylan: How'd you get away?","Ava: $100,000?","If I succeed ... if I don't lose my mind, if I survive ... I get $50,000. You give him $100,000 like it is pocket change.","Raylan: You get government money, Ava. That money's somebody else's. Besides, you got it all wrong, anyway. That ain't his money. It's just... cheese in a trap.","Ava: Goddamn right ... a $10 million hunk.","Raylan: So you see what I'm doing? No, I don't. I'm confused. Who are you trying to tempt, him or me? I mean, who do you think I am?","Raylan: I don't know. You tell me. 'Cause I'm just as confused. What the hell was that today?","Ava: You mean besides tense? Walker in back with a gun on us?","Raylan: Exactly. You call me inside, toward the gun.","Ava: I was trying to cool things down. You and Boyd were out front about to kill each other.","Raylan: Boyd looked like he was gonna kill you, you stuck your nose in there. In fact, it defies my understanding of the man that you show up here untouched.","Ava: What are you so mad for? Keep saying how you're scared, yet you don't have a scratch. It all adds up to bullshit.","Ava: You did get your man! Who, Walker? Jesus Christ. Oh, Lord, if I knew we were gonna argue, I would've stayed at home!","Raylan: What happened in Bulletville?","Ava: [sighs]","Raylan: Something happened.","Ava: We went hunting. Boyd wanted to catch opening day. We made a vacation of it.","Raylan: Some vacation, bleeding and butchering hog.","Ava: I'm glad I came by ... so I could hear you call me a redneck. You know what? Your neck is just as red as mine. You just don't see it 'cause you're always walking forward.","Raylan: How else do you walk, Ava? You know what I mean ... Wishing you were better'n where you come from. Just admit something ... you could've just as easily been an outlaw as a lawman.","Raylan: Well, obviously, Ava. But the past is a statement. The future is a question.","Ava: [ sighs ] The past and the future are a fight to the death.","Raylan: What happened in Bulletville?","Ava: [sighs]","Raylan: You in trouble?","Ava: No. I told you ... I will dig into Zachariah.","Raylan: I already got to him. I already know why Boyd needs him.","Ava: You know where they're doing it? They're going up through a busted mine ... obsidian ... up through the ground in Blanton Creek.","Raylan: [sighs] Why is it always a fight with us?","Ava: We're too alike, I think.","Raylan: Good news, bad news?","Rachel: Good news first.","Raylan: Despite my prodding,","I don't know when, but I do know how.","Rachel: How?","Raylan: He's coming up.","The dynamite Zachariah had ain't to blow the doors off the vault. It's for the rock below.","Boyd's gonna blast up from underneath.","What's the bad news?","Raylan: Ava's burned.","Rachel: You sure? Pretty sure.","Rachel: Damn it!","Raylan: I know.","Rachel: What tipped it?","Raylan: I just know.","Rachel: You get up here in the morning, hash out what the hell we're gonna do next?","I'll be up around 11:00. Something I got to do first.","[insects chirping]","[music]","Raylan: Nothing.","Arlo: What were you expecting? Rosebud?","Raylan: I don't know what I was expecting, but... it was time I looked.","[water dripping]","Arlo: Took you long enough.","Raylan: My whole life, I had nightmares about what you locked up in here ... slave girls... animal for killing... secrets, horror.","Arlo: And it ain't nothin'.","Just like you, boy ... with your head in the goddamn clouds.","Raylan: You kept us away of your 'fraidy hole like it held the treasures of Kublai Khan.","Arlo: Well, it's just a place I used go ... my place, my own dirt... dark and far away.","Raylan: That's why you had the key around your neck in the war.","Arlo: Wouldn't you want to go far away from that?","Raylan: Every evil thing inside you...","I thought was in here.","Arlo: And it's a big, fat nothin'.","Raylan: [sighs] I thought about what you said ... about the idea of the remains. You're right. There's nothing left.","Whatever it was, whatever she was, it's long gone. There's still some of him left, but... eventually, that'll go, too.","Mortician: Well, are you saying you want us to halt the work?","Raylan: I'm saying I won't meddle with what's been done.","Mortician: Where would you like it relocated?","Raylan: Your guess is as good as mine."],"Show Title":"Justified","Episode Number":"06x08","Episode Title":"Dark As a Dungeon","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Justified_06x09.json","Recap":["Working from the files Wynn gave Katherine, Art gets Simon Poole's documents unsealed and learns that Wynn himself was the informant against Grady. Art and Raylan threaten to leak this to Katherine, blackmailing Wynn's cooperation so he'll inform once again. Wynn tells Boyd that Avery is moving the money during a party at the Pizza Portal that evening, provoking him to move up his timetable. Loretta McCready finds a headless rattlesnake in her home, courtesy of Avery's trusted gunman, Boon. Loretta calls on Boyd, suggesting a partnership with her land and knowhow matched with his muscle and distribution. Having his sights on Avery's money, Boyd gives his blessing to Loretta's purchase of the farms he's threatened against selling, and for men to protect her for fair wages. Among the full house at the Pizza Portal party are Avery, Katherine, Raylan, Loretta, Boon, Boyd, Ava, Earl, and a number of landowners. Raylan offers to sell Arlo's property to Loretta. Boon seems to have a man-crush on Raylan. Avery reveals his plan to generously purchase lands and lift up the economy. Boyd questions his motivations and how much money will stay in Harlan, and Loretta names those who have died after refusing Avery's offers. Loretta puts forward her offer to the landowners: to buy them out for cash but keep them in their homes, hire locals for security and farm hands and keep the profits in the county, and names Boyd as her partner. Raylan checks-in with Ava, who explains she's supposed to tell him the heist is next week but it's actually that night, that she's to start a fire to clear the place out. Boyd joins Zakariah in the tunnel but the moment Boyd lights the fuse Zackariah attacks him and chains him to a support post. Carl hears Boyd's screams and goes to him, passing him a rock hammer to break the chain and escape. Zackariah has disappeared, and Ava reminds Boyd she's warned her uncle wasn't right in the head. Although the Marshals fail to catch Boyd red-handed, Raylan reminds Rachel that they've got two informants and Boyd is going to go after that money with desperate stupidity when Avery tries to move it. Sean holds Avery and Katherine at gunpoint in her suite, demanding more money after Avery sold-out Ty. Katherine offers her tennis bracelet and shoots through her purse, killing Sean."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Raylan: You're gonna sell dope whether it's legal or not. But you set your sights this high, you're gonna keep running into folks like him.","Loretta: So, you're saying walk away from weed?","Raylan: Next couple weeks, just put two big guys out front.","Katherine: Whoever killed Simon Poole is probably the same person who killed Grady in prison, all at the behest of whoever ratted on Grady to begin with.","Art: And you think it's Markham?","Well, the guy who ratted on Grady turned my life to sh1t, and I want something like that to happen to him.","Markham: Walker is burned. Got to stay out of that fire he started. It's about loyalty. And I need yours.","Boyd: That stack of money in Markham's vault, It's got to be $10 million, Ava. You help Raylan put me away. What's he got to offer you? A clean slate and witness protection?","Ava: 50 grand.","Boyd: Here's 50 grand. And there's $10 million.","Raylan: What happened in Bulletville? You in trouble?","Ava: No.","Raylan: The dynamite Zachariah had ain't to blow the doors off the vault. It's for the rock below. Boyd's gonna blast up from underneath.","Rachel: What's the bad news?","Raylan: Ava's burned.","Rachel: You sure?","Raylan: Pretty sure.","Rachel: So, this is all based on a hunch.","Raylan: When you phrase it like that, it's mildly insulting.","Art: So, did Boyd find out and put Ava under duress, or did she just break?","Raylan: Well, chief, I ... [sighs] I'm sorry, who are we addressing as chief?","Rachel: Me.","Art: Her.","Raylan: Well, Mr. Mullen, I can't say for certain. All I can say for certain is that she's flipped. If I'm wrong, you can have Arlo's place.","Art: And what if you're right?","Raylan: You can still have it. I can't give it away.","Vasquez: Wait a second. Are we worried about Ava?","Rachel: There's a chance she may have been compromised.","Vasquez: Well, that's not really a surprise given the fact that Boyd now has $100,000 and has no doubt promised her millions more. You didn't think I knew about your little reward?","Raylan: Just attempting to move the case along. That's all that was.","Vasquez: Instead, you might've gotten your C.I. to switch sides.","Rachel: This case isn't dependant on whether or not Ava flipped.","Vasquez: That's not necessarily true. At this point, we have Boyd connected to just about every crime in Lexington. But if you want to get him under RICO, you want to really bury him, then you need the cooperation of his criminal associates, the closest of which is Ava. Well, if she's flipped, well, then her involvement's tainted and so is her testimony.","Art: Only way to be sure would be to have another C.I. in the Boyd camp.","Vasquez: Sure, that's not complicated.","Let's get another C.I.","Art: I actually think I might be able to help with that.","[door opens]","Wynn: Forget something, Mikey?","Art: Oh! Holy sh1t.","That's pretty high on the list of things I wish I'd never seen.","Wynn: You should've thought of that before you barged into my hotel room uninvited.","Raylan: All right, if you just calm down, we'll explain why we're here.","Wynn: I don't care why you're here. I don't want an explanation. I just want you two to get your bony white asses out of my ... [grunts]","[screams]","Raylan: You see these?","Wynn: I can't see sh1t.","Raylan: Well, these are case files we need to discuss with you once you calm down.","Wynn: Okay!","Raylan: You gonna calm down?","Wynn: Yes!","Art: You don't sound calm.","Wynn: Let me out of here, I'll calm down!","Raylan: And we can have a civil conversation?","Wynn: Fine.","[groans]","Jesus Christ, Raylan. You're supposed to be the grown-up.","Art: Ah, you're only as young as you feel, Duffy.","Raylan: Take a look.","Wynn: Where did you get this?","Art: That came from an old-time U.S. Attorney named Simon Poole, and it was sealed about 15 years ago.","Wynn: This is bullshit.","Raylan: Want to go back in the tanning booth?","Wynn: I had an agreement with your people that my involvement ...","Raylan: You had an arrangement with Simon Poole, And if you got a problem, you take it up with him.","Wynn: He's dead.","Raylan: Well, that's unfortunate.","Art: He was murdered around the same time those records were sealed. Wonder if that's a coincidence. Hmm.","Wynn: Congratulations. You got me. I was a rat. The ship was sinking, and I didn't want to go down with it. So what?","Raylan: We ain't here to judge.","Art: We just want you to do it again.","Wynn: And how about if I ask you to lick my balls?","Raylan: In that case, we're probably gonna leave.","Art: This is not a civil conversation.","Raylan: But I'd hate to see the information in these files get leaked.","Like, what would happen if Katherine Hale found out that you're the one who got her husband killed?","Wynn: I didn't know there was a statute of limitations on the gratitude of lawmen towards old informants.","Art: Well, there is.","Raylan: And it is up.","Wynn: You burn me, I'm dead.","Raylan: That's a possibility.","Art: Pretty much.","Wynn: Wait. Just wait. Maybe there is a way I can help you out again.","[title music]","\u266a On this lonely road, trying to make it home \u266a \u266a doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? \u266a \u266a I'm fighting for my soul, god, get at your boy \u266a \u266a you try to bogard, fall back, I go hard \u266a \u266a on this lonely road, trying to make it home \u266a \u266a doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? \u266a \u266a I see them long, hard times to come \u266a","Mike: But why?","Wynn: Why? Because I like being alive and free. Don't you?","Mike: Not if it means being a goddamn snitch.","[i]Wynn: Jesus Christ, don't be so self-righteous. At some point in our line of work, if you want to survive, this is what you do.","Mike: Not me. I got a code, and it does not include turning on my people.","Wynn: And by \"your people,\" you mean who? Boyd? Katherine? Markham? You think any of them wouldn't turn on us to save their own hides?","Katherine: You know, if you intended to run for office, that would've been information worth knowing before I agreed to marry you.","Markham: I assure you I have no interest in becoming a politician.","Katherine: But you are interested in parading me around sh1t holler, Kentucky, like a politician's wife.","Markham: It's important that I engage these people. I promise you won't have to kiss any babies.","[knock on door]","Katherine: Just promise me I don't have to eat any pizza.","Seabass: Back up slowly.","Katherine: One of yours?","Markham: He was.","Seabass: This what you were pounding in Lexington while we were pounding doors?","Markham: Show the lady a little respect.","Seabass: Chivalrous. You're not in a position to tell me sh1t.","Now sit your ass down, both of you.","Markham: What exactly are you after?","Seabass: Call it severance pay.","Markham: Severance? Seems to me I just paid for your loyalty.","Seabass: Point in fact, you paid for my disloyalty to my former C.O., a man who you cut loose and sold out. Has me refiguring my cost.","Markham: You know where my money is. Think you can get to it, have at it.","Seabass: Good idea, boss, yeah. I'll just ... I'll just take a ride down to Harlan, keeping the radio on, of course, in case you see fit to call the soft-rock militia on me. Though I suppose you wouldn't want me getting caught, now, would you? Oh, the tales that I could tell. I'll tell you what. How about you give me the lady's ring, and we'll call it a day?","Markham: The lady is my fianc\u00e9e. That's her engagement ring. It has sentimental value.","Seabass: Unless it can bring the both of you back from the dead, hand it over.","Markham: You really think killing us in this hotel room is your best bet for freedom and long-term prosperity?","Seabass: I'll take my chances.","Katherine: Gentlemen. Gentlemen. Gentlemen.","May I make a suggestion? I have a diamond tennis bracelet in my purse that, being a woman of extravagant taste, it's very substantial. Might that do instead?","Seabass: It just might. Let me see it. Slowly.","Katherine: Think it's in here. Yep.","[gunshot]","Seabass: [panting]","I thought I'd seen all your tricks.","Katherine: Well, if you feel compelled to show your gratitude,","I could sure use a new purse.","Nous avons petit probl\u00e9me dans la chambre 204. Merci.","Boyd: You told them what?","He already knew you're gonna hit the Portal through the mine.","Boyd: How did he know that?","Ava: You're working with Zachariah. Probably wasn't tough to figure. [sighs] Jesus Christ, Ava.","Ava: If I had played dumb, he would've known I was lying, locked me up again.","Boyd: You know what? Let 'em come. They're gonna be watching the main entrance. We slipping out the ventilation shaft, anyway. We'll be sipping margaritas before they even know what happened.","Ava: So, you're saying I did good.","Boyd: Yeah. Baby, you always do good.","Wynn Duffy.","You're a long way away from home, ain't you?","Wynn: Home's wherever the RV takes me, Boyd. And the matter which we need to discuss requires our immediate attention.","Boyd: Well, you look awful serious. Ava, you want to give us a minute?","Wynn: I was under the impression you two had no secrets. Was I misinformed?","Boyd: Ain't no secrets here. Say what you got to say.","Wynn: You're aware that Markham's hosting a gathering this afternoon?","Boyd: I am. But I don't think Avery Markham's gonna win over the hearts and minds of the good people of Harlan County with a few slices of pepperoni.","Wynn: Well, that may be, but when the party's over, he's planning on moving the money.","Boyd: Who told you that?","Wynn: Katherine. She says it's happening tonight.","Does she know exactly where this new location's gonna be?","Wynn: No.","Boyd: So, you came here to tell me my only chance of getting that money is during that goddamn party?","Wynn: Is that gonna be a problem?","Boyd: Ain't no problem I can't handle. Better news I've never heard. You let me know when it's done.","Boyd: Well, of course I will.","Wynn: Well, thank you. Good luck.","Let me know if I can be of any assistance.","And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna leave this place and hopefully never come back.","[door closes] [glass thuds]","Boyd: Raylan Givens is pulling his string.","Ava: If he is, he did not tell me.","Boyd: [sighs] This is the moment we play our one-time \"get out of jail free\" card.","You okay with that? I am.","Boyd: Gow we doing? [grunts]","Zachariah: God. Right now, we're within four feet of that basement. What I gotta do is set two more charges ... one to blow through the rock to get to the basement foundation and another one to blow out that concrete.","Boyd: It's gonna take too long. Well, you said I had two days.","Boyd: Well, now you got two hours. Now, what say we do a deep set of drill holes in the foundation, do two charges simultaneously?","Zachariah: Oh, no, no, no. That's too risky.","Boyd: What's risky is not getting that goddamn money.","Zachariah: Well, what's your hurry now?","Boyd: That's a little above your pay grade. Just get it done. I'm depending on you, Uncle Zachariah!","Well, I'll see until I'll get them. Son of a bitch.","Tim: Here comes the douche-mobile.","Wynn: Done.","Tim: You mind clarifying that?","Wynn: Boyd's under the impression that Markham's moving his money tonight and plans to hit the vault imminently.","Raylan: And Ava was there?","She heard you say the money was moving tonight?","Wynn: She was, though I have no idea why that was a requirement.","Tim: So if she's not actually present at the robbery, we can still put her away for conspiracy.","Wynn: Ruthless.","Tim: So, boy wonder know what team he's playing for now?","He took it kind of hard at first, but he'll come around.","Tim: It's like catching daddy cheating with the woman next door, huh? Are we done here? When exactly is he gonna hit the vault?","Wynn: During the party.","Raylan: I'd also like to know what kind of weaponry he's gonna use, who's gonna be with him, and where he plans to hole up afterward.","Wynn: \"Hey, Boyd, Wynn Duffy again, I know, super weird. I was just wondering, could you give me an exact time for the robbery? Also wondering if you can tell me what weapons you'll be using and who else is participating.\"","Raylan: Tell him we know where the main entrance is, but we'd like to know if there's another entrance he plans to slip out in.","Wynn: I can't get you all that.","Raylan: Sure you can.","Wynn: No.","Raylan: You know what? Call him back. Say, \"hey, it's Wynn. I don't trust you, and I ain't claustrophobic, so I want in on the heist this evening.\"","Wynn: Not happening. Not a chance.","Raylan: If you don't want to spend the rest of your life running from the dixie mafia, there is a very, very good chance.","Wynn: [sighs]","[engine shuts off]","[door opens]","Boon: Hello!","I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you.","Loretta: Why would I be startled? Some asshole comes in my house without so much as knocking?","Boon: That's a totally natural reaction. When I was just a pup, my mama used to say I tended to leap before I looked.","Loretta: Well, if you're done looking, now would be a good time to scoot your ass on out of here.","Boon: My name's Boon, I'm new to the area, and I just wanted to say hi to my neighbor, who, if you don't mind me saying so, is a vision... Oh. You know you have a dead snake on your floor there? From where I'm standing, it looks like someone shot that head clean off. I don't suppose it was you. Was it? I don't suppose you can get out of my house like I asked.","Boon: 'Cause that'd be one hell of a shot, to get just the head like that. Masterful, really. How you think he did it? You think it was a quick-draw scenario? Bang! [chuckles] But there's really no reason to do that, huh? You'd just be showing off, I guess. I mean, you could pull quick, but then you'd really want to take your time... making that shot, right?","[sighs] Make sure you hit it just right.","Regardless, whoever shot that snake is one deranged and possibly dangerous individual. If you've made any enemies lately, I'd highly advise you to make peace by any and all means necessary just so they don't send this idiot back here again.","Loretta: Yeah. Be a real shame to come home one day and find some lunatic standing in my house. You really are a beautiful girl. You know that? I promise I'll stop back here again real soon, if you're still around, just to make sure everything's all right. Hey. Do you need help getting rid of that snake?","Loretta: I'll be fine. I bet you will. Bye, Loretta.","Boyd: Ava, I need you to be on lookout for anything unusual ... Extra security, KSP, marshals. When Carl tells you to pull that alarm, what happens?","Ava: I pull the alarm.","Boyd: Then what?","Earl: Make sure we get out of there as fast as we can.","Boyd: But first?","Earl: Make sure she gets out, and then we all meet at the rendezvous as agreed.","Boyd: My goddamn man. Now, we need to get dressed, so ...","Ava: I don't think you're in the right place, honey.","Loretta: No, ma'am. Just looking for a word with Mr. Crowder.","Boyd: I recognize you.","You're Walt McCready's daughter, god rest his soul.","Loretta: That's right. Well, I'd offer you a drink, but we're in a bit of a hurry, so... what can I help you with, Miss McCready? You know I own the Bennett land?","Boyd: I do.","Loretta: You also know I'm looking to acquire more.","Boyd: I've heard rumors.","Loretta: Well, then you also heard I know more about growing weed than most of the cornbread boys who've lived and died in these hills. What I don't have is muscle or distribution.","Boyd: Services you were hoping I might provide.","Loretta: It would mean going up against Avery Markham.","[sighs] He's shaking your tree a little bit, is he? Yeah, well, the protection aspect of this partnership would be priority.","Boyd: What about Raylan Givens?","Loretta: What about him?","Boyd: Well, as I understand it, he's quite fond of you. Now, how you think he's gonna feel he finds out you in business with me?","Loretta: I got bigger problems than Raylan. Last I heard, he ain't long for Harlan, anyway.","Boyd: You really got Mag's money? [chuckles] I don't see how that's any of your business.","Boyd: 'Cause Bennett land ain't gonna be enough. You'll need the Sorenson land, which has the soil runoff from Blanton Creek. You'll need the McLaren land, which has ...","Loretta: Southern exposure and the best bluegrass South of Pine Mountain. Gonna grow some healthy black gold. [laughs] Well, damn, girl. You done some thinking on this. Enough to also figure Markham's probably staked out them parcels.","Boyd: Sorensons and McLaren and a half-dozen others have agreed to hold off selling to Markham. They're gonna sell only to me.","Loretta: How much you asking?","Boyd: You want 'em, you can have 'em. You buy them for a reasonable price from the owners. You pay me nothing. You keep Harlan for Harlan.","Loretta: Why would you do that? 'Cause I'm a bad man, Loretta. But Avery Markham is a real bad man. Now, my men will see to it that you are protected as long as you pay them handsomely for their efforts. Earl, will you please show this young ... No, I don't need seeing out. Just need you to keep your word is all.","Boyd: You play your cards right, young lady, this town will be yours. Earl.","Loretta: [scoffs] Don't crowd me, boy.","Ava: [sighs] All happening so fast.","Boyd: Well, if you want to get nostalgic, now's the time to do it, 'cause this is gonna be the last night we spend in Harlan County.","[Vince and George's \"Run as fast as you can\" plays]","Jamie: Cool hat. What's your pleasure?","Raylan: Whiskey.","Jamie: Any particular kind?","Raylan: It's free, right?","The most expensive kind.","\u266a Don't tell 'em, don't tell 'em, damn \u266a \u266a I saw your old man in his black-and-white \u266a \u266a don't tell him, don't tell him \u266a \u266a I hope he don't travel to the riverside \u266a \u266a don't tell him, don't tell him \u266a \u266a hey, your daddy didn't think it was right \u266a \u266a now the sirens scream in the night \u266a \u266a you'd think it was a capital crime \u266a \u266a run as fast as you can... \u266a","[SCENE_BREAK]","Didn't think I'd see you here, considering who's hosting.","Loretta: [chuckles] That's exactly why I'm here.","Raylan: You got more balls than sense, you know that, girl?","Loretta: Ain't that what they say about you?","Raylan: It is. And maybe it's our kindred spirits that's prompting me to make the offer I'm about to make. Arlo's home and plot. You know the land I'm speaking of?","Loretta: I do.","Raylan: You interested? Well, for a reasonable price, I assume.","Raylan: I just want what it's worth.","Loretta: In that case, you got yourself a deal.","Boon: Twice in one day? Aren't I a lucky man? Tell you what. That dress never had it so good. Name's Boon. Pleased to meet you.","Raylan: I wouldn't rush to judgment on that.","Boon: I think it's safe to say, considering everything I've heard about you from my employer.","Raylan: I venture you're another one of his, uh, Colorado boys?","Boon: That's right.","Raylan: Tending to his fields out there.","Boon: Not tending so much as protecting.","Raylan: Well, I feel I should warn you Markham's previous employees have not fared well in these parts.","Boon: What? Them military jarhead guys? 'Course not. Those boys don't have no soul. They don't know what it is to really live it down. You know what I mean?","Raylan: I do not, no.","Boon: Man, you are everything I'd hoped for, right down to the hat. Do you know the man who invented the Stetson was actually from New Jersey?","Raylan: Is that so?","Boon: Came up with the idea prospecting out West. Cool in the Summer, warm in the Winters. A more functional piece of headwear never there was. Hey, I got an idea. Instead of running your mouth, why don't you show your gun to the Marshal the way you showed it to me, see what happens?","Boon: Yes. If the marshal wants to see my piece, all he's got to do is ask.","Raylan: Should I assume that's a toy gun there, John Wayne, or you got another holster with a concealed permit inside?","Boon: Afraid I don't know John Wayne. He was a movie cowboy. Oh. Well, I never had much use for television or movies. Or regard for your well-being the way you show off that piece.","Boon: Loretta, I look forward to calling on you again soon.","[music continues]","Katherine: Those two make quite the pair.","Markham: That's the infamous Boyd Crowder you've had to hear so much about.","Katherine: Huh.","He is more... pulled together than I would've imagined. She's a pretty thing.","Markham: Yes. The lovely Ava. Told him if they ever set foot in here again, I'd kill them both. Well, that would put quite a damper on your party, dear.","Markham: I suppose it would. Well, time has come. Wish me luck.","Katherine: Good luck.","Markham: Friends and neighbors.","[music fades]","I thank y'all for being here. I'm aware that many of you think I'm a stranger in your land. Maybe some of you heard me on the radio offering my own hard-earned money for the capture of a dangerous fugitive. Or maybe I contacted you with a generous offer for your property, the kind of offer that makes all manner of things possible, things maybe you hadn't even gotten around to dreaming of. But I didn't come here just to make us all a lot of money, though I intend to do that. And I didn't come here to reverse this town's fortunes, save it from falling prey to the ghosts that dwell in these streets and hollers. Truth is, I came back here for love. I hope you all come and say hello to my lovely fianc\u00e9e, Miss Katherine. Speaking of ghosts who've haunted these streets, I see Boyd Crowder's in our midst. Don't suppose you've come to cast aspersion on my motivations in front of these fine people, Mr. Crowder.","Boyd: Oh, not at all, Mr. Markham. You throw a hell of a party. I'm enjoying myself immensely. Although I am curious ... do you plan on doing to this small town the same thing that you did to all those other small towns in Colorado? Everybody knows I think dope is a fine commodity, legal or otherwise. But the people in this room need the money earned in their community to stay in their community.","Markham: I don't claim to be a savior. But I have already demonstrated my willingness to put my money to work in this community. And as I understand it, where I offered cash, you offered threats.","That your plan?","Keep harming these good people for your own gain?","Loretta: Far as I know, everyone Boyd spoke to is at least still alive.","Unlike Betty and John-O Hutchins. And I don't think I see Red Crowell at this shindig, either. Huh. Maybe your pizza oven scared him away. Heard tell he's skittish around fire since his place burned to the ground... property you now own, if I ain't mistaken.","Markham: I'm afraid teenage gossip's clouded your mind, Miss McCready.","Loretta: Well, could be. I am still a touch spooked by the decapitated snake you put in my house.","Markham: See you pointing fingers, but not offering a fix any to any of these people's problems.","Loretta: My fix is the same as yours, Mr. Markham ... promise of legal weed.","The difference is, I've been here for generations. You all knew my daddy. [crowd murmuring in agreement] You all know me. Know that I'm Harlan through and through. And so is my partner.","Markham: And who might that be?","Loretta: The only other soul I know who cares about this place as much as I do. Boyd Crowder. Every one of you who has been approached about your property, this is my offer. I will give you cash for your land, same as Markham, but the difference is I don't want to move you guys out. Just want to move some seed in. And along with that seed, we bring security and protection now and in perpetuity. Hire the locals to help with the farming, pay it back. You think Avery Markham and his city mousette ain't gonna cut and run win or lose? [laughter] She look like Harlan to you?","No.","Loretta: Throw in with me, and we'll make Harlan prosperous our own selves. Give this county back to the people the way we all know it should be!","[cheers and applause]","Boyd: Like she said, you know her daddy.","Thank you, Ray. Hey. I see subtlety ain't your strong suit. Said yourself your boys would offer protection. I was just making it known. You ever heard that a whisper will get you a hell of a lot further than a roar? That's how politics works, Loretta. Public, private, it don't matter. Like you said, can't leave Harlan to the likes of Markham.","Boyd: Well, I applaud your spirit, young lady. Now, if you will excuse me. As much as I'd like to stay, I got to go see a man about a vault. You and Earl stand by for my signal.","Ava: Boyd, be careful. I lost plenty in the mine already.","Boyd: About time you started seeing some gains.","Loretta: You seem displeased, Marshal. What gave you that idea?","Loretta: You said to get protection, and I did.","Raylan: What you did was align yourself with a man who's about to be arrested or killed. You best hope you're not standing next to him when that happens. This mean you're not gonna sell me your land?","Raylan: It hasn't occurred to you that the Marshal Service may frown upon me selling my parcel to anybody associated with Boyd Crowder? When the dust settles with Boyd, maybe you'll reconsider.","Katherine: Something will need to be done about that girl.","Markham: Yeah.","Find out if she has any kin. She ends up with any of this property, I want to know where it's going.","Wynn: You know, except for the filth, the impending sense of being buried alive, and the smell of rotten flesh, it's not that bad down here.","Boyd: Try doing it 10 hours a day 6 days a week.","Wynn: What is that? That is Uncle Zachariah.","Wynn: Lovely.","Boyd: You seen enough, or you want to venture on down into the depths, get a front-row seat for the show?","Wynn: If it's all the same to you, I'll, uh, wait right here.","Boyd: [laughs] Carl! Make sure to keep your radio on channel 2. I'll holler when we all set.","Carl: All right.","Boyd: Get ready for the boom! Whoo!","Carl: Nice shoes.","\u266a We're gonna shake it on down \u266a \u266a until you lose control \u266a \u266a we're gonna walk on the wild side... \u266a","Raylan: Earl, why don't you go out for a smoke?","Earl: I don't smoke.","Raylan: Well, you should take it up. It'd be good for your health.","Earl: Maybe you should suck ...","Ava: For Christ's sakes, Earl. Just give us a minute before he crushes your nuts again, tosses you in a cell just because he can.","Earl: I'm gonna take a piss, and when I get back, you're gonna be gone.","[glass thuds]","Raylan: Think you hurt his feelings.","Ava: He won't be gone long.","Whatever it is you want, you best get to it. I just wanted to tell you how good you look in that dress.","Ava: Thought it was supposed to be a party. I feel a little overdressed.","Raylan: Ain't nobody complaining.","Ava: You know, don't you? I'm supposed to tell you it's gonna happen next week, but it's going down today. Soon. [sighs] How'd you figure it? Something in your way.","Ava: He almost killed me. What are you supposed to do now?","Ava: Start a fire, clear this place out.","Raylan: Best get to it.","Boyd: [sighs] That looks pretty damn good, Uncle Zachariah.","Zachariah: What you think?","Son, I've been doing this long before you ever heard the word \"nitroglycerine.\"","[chuckles]","Boyd: [chuckles]","Phew! That money's gonna fall right down in my goddamn lap. You kiss my ass, Raylan Givens! Whoo!","[sighs]","[grunts]","[sighs]","Carl, you got me?","Carl: Yeah, I got you.","Boyd: Tell them to pull that alarm, son.","We all set down here.","Earl: Time to boogie.","[alarm blaring]","Raylan: We need to get to your vault. I believe you're being robbed.","Boyd: Whoo-whoo!","Zachariah: I am at rest, you need not fear, no anxious sorrow need not take.","Boyd: [grunts]","Zachariah: Ain't no way my niece spending one more goddamn minute with a Crowder.","You're gonna be buried by your own goddamn greed, just like you deserve. Burn in hell, you son of a bitch.","Boyd: [groaning] Zachariah! Help me!","[grunting]","Oh!","[screams]","Help!","Carl: Come on.","Boyd: [in distance] Help!","Carl: Boyd?","Boyd: Help me!","Carl: Boyd!","Boyd: [grunting]","Help!","[grunting]","Carl: Boyd!","Boyd: Carl!","Carl: Boyd!","Boyd: Here!","Carl: What happened?","Boyd: Give me the rock hammer!","Carl: Where's Zachariah?","Boyd: Get out! Go!","Carl: Christ!","Boyd: [grunting]","[explosion]","[whooshing]","Tim: All right, I see Boyd, Duffy.","We can all see Duffy. And Carl. And no money.","Markham: Whatever that blast was, it wasn't enough.","Raylan: One thing that didn't occur to me ... dipshit's not capable of pulling it off.","Markham: What if he had?","What if he, uh, stuck his head up out of a hole in there? You gonna shoot him?","Raylan: Might've. Let's give him a minute. Maybe he'll try it again.","[sirens wailing in distance]","Raylan: What's gonna happen next is, fire department's gonna come down here and kick our asses out.","Markham: Yep. Getting smoky in here.","[chuckles]","You know, I don't get you. Give you some of my own money to help you out.","24 hours ago upstairs,","I figured you and me are simpatico. I see you're just jerking me around and using me to get Boyd. Don't take it personal. I'm just doing what I gotta do. Yeah. That's my plan.","Raylan: What's that? Doing what I gotta do.","Raylan: Care to elaborate? Right now, I'm gonna get out of here and get some fresh air... ...find my fianc\u00e3\u00a9e.","[door opens]","Earl: What happened?","Where's everyone? Where's the money?","Ava: [gasps]","Boyd: Get out. Get your ass back to the Portal! You see anything looks like that money leaving that place, you call me immediately. Get out. Get out! What did you say to your goddamn uncle? What did you say to your uncle?!","Ava: Nothing!","Boyd: Don't you lie to me. Wasn't it enough to put me in jail? You trying to kill me now? Is that it?","Ava: What the hell are you talking about?!","Boyd: Your uncle tried to blow me up! You give him the idea?","Ava: How can you say that? I'm the one told you he wasn't right in the head! I'm gonna ask you one more time. You lying to me?","Ava: No. Boyd? Is Zachariah dead?","Boyd: I don't know, Ava.","Ava: [inhales shakily] And the money?","Boyd: Still in the vault. It won't be for long. They're gonna move it tonight.","[sighs]","And that's when I'm gonna hit it.","Rachel: You want to tell me exactly what went wrong down there?","Raylan: Yeah. Boyd couldn't get it up.","Rachel: You being cute?","Raylan: No, chief. I'm just answering the question.","Rachel: Our office has devoted copious hours and resources to this case that, as of right now, hasn't produced a goddamn thing.","Raylan: Hey, no one's trying to make you look bad here.","Rachel: I put you in the lead of this to remove Boyd from the civilian population, and what do we have to show for it? Not to repeat myself ... jack sh1t.","Raylan: That ain't true. We still got Ava. We got Duffy now, too. Boyd, Markham, the rest of them assholes, they're just doing what we want them to do. Now, hey, I ain't saying we're in the end zone doing the ickey shuffle, but we are definitely in the red zone.","Rachel: What the hell is the ickey shuffle?","Raylan: Boyd ain't gonna stop. He's just gonna go at that money harder and stupider.","Tim: Not that I wouldn't like to stay completely out of this, but how exactly do you think he's gonna do that?","Raylan: Well, Markham's gonna move that cash. Boyd's gonna be there when he does.","Rachel: And to think there was a time I was actually excited about having the big office.","[sighs]"],"Show Title":"Justified","Episode Number":"06x09","Episode Title":"Burned","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"London_Spy_01x05.json","Recap":["Detective Taylor tells Danny that she believes what he has told her but is unable to investigate further because of pressure from her superiors. Danny sends out copies of Alex's research by post and email to newspapers: they are all returned or deleted. Danny's estranged mother turns up at his home out of the blue saying that his father is dying; at his parents' house they admit they have been threatened, it was a charade to erase the code cylinder that Danny wears around his neck. Danny visits Frances and learns about Alex\/Alistair's childhood, her own thwarted ambitions in MI5, and how she brought him up to be the spy she couldn't be. Her part in the events leading to his death is shown - he was killed by MI5 to keep his research secret. Though believing it futile, she joins Danny to try to bring those responsible to justice."],"Transcript":["Danny: He was murdered.","Scottie: He was murdered, Claire.","Journalist (O.C.): Who murdered him?","Danny: I don't know.","Scottie: British MI6, the Chinese Ministry for State Security, American CIA, Israeli Mossad... We're not up against one intelligence agency, we're up against them all.","Danny: That conversation took place in my bedroom. We were face to face!","Journalist: Why did they murder him?","Marcus: Alex decided to apply his concept to speech.","Claire: A lie detector.","Danny: He did it for me!","Scottie: He knew you'd find out that he had lied about much of his life. He must have worried that you'd end up hating him. He must have worried about that moment every day. I would like to finish this particular adventure with you, Daniel Edward Holt, if you'll have me?","( Phone rings )","Danny: Scottie?","Scottie: Danny... there will be a note.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Danny: I have a question. How do we live without the people that we love?","Danny (O.C.): I can hear his reply.","Danny: \"We must figure this question out for ourselves.\" He's right. He was always right. Except, my friend... I don't want to know.","Danny: I don't want to know how to live without you. I don't want to figure out how to stop feeling this sad.","( Inaudible )","Claire: Marcus, this isn't the time...","Marcus: Yes, it is, Claire. It's exactly the right time. I have destroyed my copy of Alex's research. You should destroy yours. You asked for my advice. There it is. You can take it, or not. But I won't help you...","Claire: That's enough.","Marcus: It was... a nice idea.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Sara: Danny! Come on!","Danny: OK.","Pavel: Sorry. Goodbye.","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Big ben tolls )","( Seagulls caw )","Detective Taylor: This is where you two met.","( Danny nods )","Detective Taylor: I visited the nurse who took your blood sample. I was curious, because it's not procedure. So, I asked a straightforward question. \"Why did you do it?\" This man was afraid. Afterwards, I'd barely left the room, my phone rings. It's my superiors, demanding to know why I'm interrogating him. You know what I said? \"No reason.\" It wasn't much. But it's as far as I'm prepared to go.","Danny: Why?","Detective Taylor: Listen, this is what's going to happen. You'll be the early, innocent suspect and I'll be the simple-minded copper. That's the account that's going to be written.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Claire: With Scottie, we had a chance. Without him, we haven't.","Danny: I don't accept that. We knew him better than anyone. What would he do?","Claire: You're confused, Danny... between trying to prove how much you loved him and trying to prove a conspiracy. You're confused, and I wonder if you haven't always been.","Danny: What does that mean?","Claire: Scottie was... sentimental about you. You're doing this for him. He was doing it for you. Maybe I was doing it for him. But it's not real, Danny. It won't work. Whatever you do, whatever you try, it won't work. He sent me this. There was a letter. It read, \"Ambition, but no conviction. Love, Scottie\". Walk with me. I'll be here, when you're ready.","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Slam )","( Dogs bark )","( Clanging )","( Vehicle approaches outside )","( Doorbell rings )","( Doorbell rings insistently )","Danny: How did you find me?","Danny's Mother: You gave us this address.","Danny: 11 years.","Danny's Mother: A long time.","Danny: And now?","Danny's Mother: Dan, your dad's dying. We weren't much as parents...","Danny: You read about me in the paper?","Danny's Mother: We read about you.","Danny: But that's not why you're here? You need money?","Danny's Mother: No.","Danny: No?","Danny's Mother: No! This was a mistake.","Danny: Tell me why. Why now? Why today?","Danny's Mother: Weeks - that's all he's got left.","Danny: We've said goodbye.","Danny's Mother: Want to do a better job of it? There's something we'd like to show you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Danny: If this is a lie, please stop the car and let me out. Because I've been through too much for this to be another lie. I won't be angry. I know it's not your fault, but just stop the car and let me out. But if you drive me home, after I've given you this chance, I... Mum?","( Laboured breathing, camera turns on )","Danny's Mother: All right if I...?","( Camera beeps )","( Camera clicks )","Danny: I wish this could be true. Shh. People can change this much, you know? For real, I mean.","( Laboured breathing )","Danny: You're not dying. Not today, not next week.","Danny's Mother: They're scary people, Dan. They know everything about us. Everything we've ever done wrong. What did you do? This isn't like pinching stuff from the shops.","Danny: Why am I here?","Danny's Mother: Why are WE here? Being made to do this? Being threatened? What have you dragged us into? How could you do this to us? To your father?","( Her voice fades to echoes )","Danny: They gave you this, didn't they? They told you to take a photo. Why?","( Camera whirrs, beeps )","Danny: I always wanted to know... wouldn't it have been easier to have loved me?","Danny's Mother: I can't say why we never did.","Danny: I'm not angry anymore.","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Door opens, shuts )","( Beeping )","( Computer beeps )","( Printer whirrs )","[SCENE_BREAK]","HIV Group Chair: Have you been to any forums on living with HIV before?","Ryan: No.","HIV Group Chair: If you take a seat, maybe over there. All right? Hi, guys. I'd like us to welcome Ryan.","( Applause )","HIV Group Chair: A lot of people don't speak until they've been a few times, so you shouldn't feel any pressure. But I wanted to give you the chance. And remember, there's no point talking unless you feel able to tell the truth. Maybe you're not ready?","Danny: I'll go.","HIV Group Chair: Danny.","Danny: My partner, his name was Alex. He died some months ago...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Danny (O.C.): .. and I've been trying to find out why he was killed...","Alex: Are you OK?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Danny: .. and he was working as a spy for MI6. Although, when we were together...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Policeman: Get down!","( Sirens blare )","[SCENE_BREAK]","Danny: .. An attic in his apartment, and one of the ways they did that was to... inject me with HIV virus.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Danny: You have to believe me! If you don't believe me, I don't have anyone else, Scottie. I don't have anyone else.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Old Guy: What are you going to do now?","Danny: I'm going to do nothing.","Woman: (to Ryan) You OK?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Danny: I wish this could be true.","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Knocks at door )","Frances: I rather thought it might be you.","Danny: Is it too late to talk?","Frances: Too late? Perhaps it is.","( Thud )","Frances: What harm can it do?","Charles: What good can it do?","Frances: \"What good\"? What possible good? What good can any of us do? Better leave him be. He's just a boy.","( Charles laughs )","Charles: Just a stupid boy.","Frances: I take it you have something you wish to discuss? More than that - you intend to accuse me?","Danny: I have a question.","Frances: A question. I'll permit a question. But just one. That will be all. We both loved him.","Danny: Yes.","Frances: Can't we pretend, for a while, that's all we need to say? There was always something of the mystic about you. Fortune teller-soothsayer, a person who knows nothing, yet sees everything.","Danny: Alex was the last person to hold your hand.","Frances: Question?","Danny: Statement.","Frances: Yes. Yes, he was.","Danny: You blame me for his death.","Frances: Question?","Danny: Statement.","Frances: Yes. Yes, I do.","Danny: How can you blame me... unless you know why he was killed?","Frances: It is a good question. For all your efforts, all your loss, all your grief and sacrifice... you have nothing. You accept I'm continuing this conversation solely for my own personal reasons?","Danny: Which are?","Frances: It's very important to me that you understand how much I loved my son.","Danny: Show me his room.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frances: Alistair spent more time in this room than any other.","Danny: How do you know? How?","Frances: No! No, no, no! Stop... No! No, no, no, no! ( Frances sobs ) Please...","Frances: Because he was my spy. I made him a spy. I told you, my husband was an important man. An important man, with a second-rate mind. We were together at Cambridge. The tutor who recruited him was as blind to my talents... as he was to Charles' flaws. Nonetheless, in the gentlemen's club of MI5, Charles flourished, while I was relegated to... hosting dinners and cocktail parties for his spies.","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Gentle conversation )","( Laughter )","Frances (O.C.): Three moles at the heart of his organization... and Charles didn't see them.","Frances: They were men like him - talked like him, dressed like him, f*cked like him. Well, two did, anyway. They were his friends. Agents were lost, operations compromised. When the three finally defected, we were disgraced, removed from the service, exiled from power, left to rot in this place, guarded night and day by agents, for fear that we too might be traitors. I took to drink, for a while. I became promiscuous, for a while. Scandal engulfed me. I couldn't go on behaving that way. You either step into the abyss... or step back from it. You cannot walk along its edge for long.","Frances: You know this edge? Don't you?","Danny: Yes.","Frances: Yes. Alex was your step back? He was mine, too. I decided to have a child. He'd be my future, my saviour, my second chance. I'd make him into the spy I should've been. My spy, made by me... It was a mistake.","Danny: Not a lie. Not the truth.","Frances: For once, your intuitions let you down.","Danny: You decided to have a child? What, f*ck old Charles and see what happens? Not much of a plan, considering how stupid you think he is. But luck was on your side. Your child was a genius.","Frances: Be very careful what you say next.","Danny: I want to tell you a story... about a man. While other people were laughing and drinking ... this man would just walk.","Alex voice: .. Until he reached the exact same spot - where he'd sit, with his back to all those people.","Danny: And while he did everything to signal to the world that he wanted to be left alone...","Alex voice: More than anything, he hoped that someone passing would understand that what he really wanted was the exact opposite.","Alex: And that this someone would sit next to him...","Danny: Strike up a conversation.","Alex (O.C.): I was that man.'","Alex: You were that someone.","Danny: Why was he so lonely?","Frances: I put too much pressure on him. I made him too important in my life. It was unfair. I see that now. No child can redeem their parents.","Danny: Hard to connect to people. Especially when you're not sure how they're connected to you. For an hour or so, I hoped that my real parents were real parents.","Frances: Daniel!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nanny: I was in a state. I didn't deserve to be his mum.","Frances: Surely you can't be so conventional as to think there's only one way to bring up a child? We are both his mother. Neither one less nor more real than the other. I took care of his mind and she took care of his other needs.","Danny: He didn't know?","Frances: No.","Danny: Except he did. Didn't he? He knew.","Frances: On some level, maybe. He was very young when it happened. At the time, she was working for me and stealing. I went to her house, to threaten her with the police if she didn't return the items. I've never seen anything like it.","( Tap drips water\/ fly buzzes )","Frances: No father, no mother to speak of ... She thought the boy disturbed, damaged by her drink and drugs. I saw how precious he really was. We came to an arrangement.","Danny: \"An arrangement?\"","Frances: I would be his mother.","Nanny: I'd be his nanny.","Frances: He would be provided for in every way - every opportunity, every comfort.","Danny: And Charles agreed?","Frances: He resisted, initially. Then, he was persuaded.","Danny: You could persuade anyone... of anything. Couldn't you?","Frances: In this society, it's not enough to be born brilliant. I opened up a world that would've been closed to him.","Danny: He didn't belong there. He's not you. He wasn't like you.","Frances: Just a few years, that's all I asked, then he would be free to do whatever he wanted.","Danny: Such as end all lies?","Frances: Oh, such a sentimental, ridiculous notion. I warned him. I tried to save him. I tried...","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Buzzer )","Sir.","( Knocks at door )","Mrs Turner.","( He hyperventilates )","Frances: Alistair?","Alex: ( cries out )","Frances: Shh.","Alex: Frances!","Frances: Shh.","Alex: Aghh!","Frances: Shh... Alistair. Shh... Listen, we have very little time. Listen to me. You're in a great deal of trouble, but there is a way out. Do you understand?","Alex: I understand.","Frances: It's all been arranged. This is a warning. You'll go to America, for a few years, to work. A new identity. A new life. A new name. But you must leave everything behind. This project - what were you thinking? All you have to do is say yes. You'll be flown out tonight. No belongings. No bags. Alistair, all you have to do is agree. All you have to do is agree.","Alex: ( yells, sobs )","Frances: Alistair? All you have to do is agree.","Alex: I agree.","Frances: You will go to America?","Alex: I'll go.","Frances: You must speak clearly.","Alex: I will go to America.","Frances: You will destroy your research?","Alex: I will destroy it.","Frances: You'll never work on it again?","Alex: I'll never work on it again.","Frances: You'll leave it all behind? Alistair, you must never make contact with anyone from this life again. Alistair?","Alex: His name is Danny.","Frances: Danny.","Alex: I'll never speak to him again.","Frances: This can be a new start for us, too. You'll hate me for a while. But I love you so much.","Alex: I love you too. Get me out of here! Get me out! Get me out!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frances: You must be clearer.","Alex: I'll go to America.","Frances: You will destroy your research?","Alex: I'll destroy it.","Frances: You'll never work on it again?","Alex: I'll never work on it again.","Frances: You'll leave it all behind? Alistair, you must never make contact with anyone from this life again.","Alex: His name is Danny.","Frances: Danny. Alistair?","Alex: I'll never speak to him again. Frances! Frances!","Frances: This can be a new start for us too. You'll hate me for a while. But I love you so much.","Alex: I love you too. Get me out! Get me out! Get me out of here!","Frances: Well, it's wrong. It's wrong! I'll go back up there. I'll talk to him. I'll explain. He'll listen to me. He didn't understand, that's all. I can persuade him. Alistair, Alistair... Listen to me. Listen to me... Let me speak to him! Let me speak to my son! Let me speak to him! Let me speak to my son...","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Frances weeps )","[SCENE_BREAK]","Danny: I know a police officer.","Frances: You fail to grasp what has been done to you. The fact that you know the truth is irrelevant. No-one is going to publish anything you say. No-one is going to investigate your claims. No-one will believe you.","Danny: But they'll believe you. You're his mother. What do you owe them? You gave them your son!","Frances: Tell me... were I to agree... what would we do?","Danny: We'd tell them the truth.","Frances: I can't. She can't.","Danny: I want to hear it from you. You heard it from me. His name is Alex. His real name. The name you gave him.","Frances: She won't help you.","Danny: She renamed him, but you let it slip. Deliberately?","Frances: She can't help you.","Nanny: ( Sobbing )","Frances: It's time you left. She's gone.","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Flames crackle outside )","Danny: For her son. For Alex. All she can do. It's all she can do!","( Door opens )","Danny: Just a stupid boy?","Music: My Tears Are Becoming A Sea by M83","( Door opens )","Frances: Let's burn them down for real. We'd probably better hurry. You understand we don't stand a chance?"],"Show Title":"London Spy","Episode Number":"01x05","Episode Title":"If This Is a Lie","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Lucifer_02x18.json","Recap":["Linda attempts to conceal Charlotte's wound but Lucifer recognizes that her body will soon burst. He sends Maze to find Amenadiel while he covers up Chet's murder. Ella finds the cleaners Charlotte hired and Chloe confronts Lucifer about letting his personal problems interfere with work. Amenadiel refuses to reassemble the Blade, citing renewed loyalty to his Father. Charlotte escapes, apparently kills one of the cleaners, and forces Linda to reveal Lucifer's plan. She then threatens to kill Chloe unless the last piece of the Blade, which is in Dan's possession, is delivered to her. While Amenadiel stops time for Maze to help Linda, Chet's brother, the cleaner's real killer, attempts to shoot Lucifer and Charlotte. Lucifer ignites the Blade and opens a rift leading outside the universe, where his mother can create her own world free from God's influence, and throws the Blade through with her. Later, the real Charlotte is revived, having no memory of the time her body was inhabited, to Dan's distress. At the hospital, Linda encourages Lucifer to reveal his true nature to Chloe. Before he can, however, he is knocked out cold and wakes up to find himself in the desert with his wings restored."],"Transcript":["Charlotte staples her belly.","Charlotte: Hello? It's Charlotte Richards. I need a favour. Amenadiel is happy.","Amenadiel: Would you look at that, Luci? It really is the final piece. Unbelievable.","Lucifer: Oh, no, I believe it. It's classic Dad. Hanging the final piece of the Flaming Sword right under our noses... Well... Your nose, this entire time... I know, right? It's ridiculous. I mean, if that isn't the biggest celestial bird Dad's ever flipped.","Amenadiel: What are you talking about? This means that I'm the favourite son.","Lucifer: Uh, no, it means that once again Dad is manipulating us six ways to Sunday. But, hey, what's new? At least we have it now. So... Well, hand it over, Brother. The sword's not gonna ignite itself. It... Oh, just give it to me. Give it to me. Right, don't be silly, Brother. You know I'm ten times stronger than you.","Amenadiel: But I'm the favourite.","Lucifer: Oh, right. Of course. That one... Right, don't make me hurt you. Remember, you're not the angel you once were.","Amenadiel: No, Luci, you're right, I'm not.","Lucifer: Well, oh. I didn't mean to make you all broody again.","Amenadiel: No, it's okay. I just need a little time to process what it all means.","Lucifer: Process? Okay. Fine. Suppose we're in no real rush. Process away... I think I've got E.T. on the DVR if you need a good weep and a pint of Haagen-Daz in the freezer if that helps. Linda enters in her office. Charlotte was waiting for her.","Linda: You scared me. God!","Charlotte: Goddess. But whatever. I need medical attention. I'm wounded.","Linda: Then go to a hospital.","Charlotte: This isn't exactly a human injury, and since you know who, or rather what I am, I would appreciate it if you would just patch me up.","Linda: Why does everybody keep doing this to me? I am a doctor, but patching people up isn't my thing.","Charlotte: Oh... It is now.","Linda: Suppose I could take a gander.","Charlotte: Wonderful... I should warn you, you might have to... Charlotte opens her dress and her light burn the wall.","Charlotte: Duck.","Linda: What?! Who did that to you? I mean, was it Lucifer? I-I mean... Not on purpose, you know. Accidentally, like with that Flaming Sword thingy... All right, let me see what I got here... Okay, duct tape. Trust me. This stuff's amazing. Lucifer is checking his phone.","Lucifer: This is ridiculous. You have experience with emotionally fragile men, don't you?","Chloe: You're self-aware today.","Lucifer: No, I meant Dan. Anyway, tell me, how do you stop them from overthinking everything?","Chloe: Who's overthinking?","Lucifer: Amenadiel. Leave it to him to turn a compliment into something to angst over. I mean, he should be happy he's Dad's favourite.","Chloe: Wait, your dad didn't actually tell you guys that, did he?","Lucifer: Well, in so many Sumerian words, yes.","Chloe: You know, the more I hear about your dad, the more I understand why you're... You know, you. Chloe and Lucifer arrive on the crime scene.","Ella: Body dump. Weird one, too, and not just 'cause of the obvious buck naked, deep-fried head thing. But someone also shaved this poor guy's entire body.","Lucifer: Well, maybe our poor killer's just chaetophobic. Fear of hair. Always fun when they turn up in Hell. Lots of wigs involved.","Ella: But I'm pretty sure... This guy got a bath in bleach.","Chloe: So, whoever dumped him is a pro.","Lucifer: It's like he just vanished off the face of the Earth.","Ella: I know. But it's pretty tough for someone to cover every track.","Chloe: If anyone can find something, it's you, Ella.","Ella: Aw, that is so sweet!","Lucifer: Yes, well, u-until you do, I've got some personal business I need to tend to.","Ella: 'Cause, you know, you're not so much with the nice words, but when they come out... Lucifer is trying to enter in Linda's practice but it's closed. Linda finally opens the door.","Lucifer: Doctor.","Linda: Hi. Lucifer, what's up?","Lucifer: I'm wondering if you've seen Amenadiel.","Linda: Nope. Haven't seen that family member. No.","Lucifer: Can you stop being weird and just let me in? Lucifer enters.","Lucifer: Mum. What are you doing here?","Charlotte: Oh, you know, girl stuff.","Lucifer: Naked girl stuff? Dr. Linda, I had no idea... What is that? All right, out with it, Mother.","Charlotte: It's nothing. That spoiled brat, Chet Ruiz, stabbed me, and now I'm bleeding light. It's... It's no big deal.","Lucifer: What? That's a huge deal. Mum, if your powers are returning to this degree, then your human body won't be able to contain it, you'll... You'll burst. Oh, no. I need to find Amenadiel now.","Charlotte: I'd rather you didn't. I mean, it's bad enough that you'll be worried.","Lucifer: No, that's just it, Mum. Amenadiel has the missing piece of the sword.","Charlotte: You're k... You're kidding. Son, why didn't you say something? Now we can finally ignite it and cut through the Gates of Heaven and I can see my... I can... I can see my children.","Lucifer: Yes. Yes, but for now, I need to find Amenadiel and you need to stay away from humans... You're a... Ticking bomb.","Charlotte: Uh, um, actually, speaking of that, I... May have already harmed... Someone.","Lucifer: Oh, no. No, no, no. I just came from a crime scene... The man with a burned head. Please tell me that isn't Chet. The detective is on that case.","Charlotte: Well, not to worry. I had a pro clean up the mess.","Lucifer: You don't understand. The Detective is good, annoyingly good.","Charlotte: Well, then we just need to find Amenadiel, don't we?","Lucifer: Yes.","Charlotte: And get the piece.","Lucifer: Because if we don't get you back to Heaven before the detective gets to you, then she is quite literally toast. Lucifer knocks on Chloe's door. Trixie opens.","Trixie: Did you slip on a banana peel, too?","Lucifer: What?","Trixie: I'm afraid you're gonna need surgery.","Maze: Don't fight it. The kid's fierce.","Lucifer: I... Trixie is fixing Lucifer.","Lucifer: So, I left Mum in the wine cellar at Lux, and that's the situation. Ouch.","Maze: Baby. I still don't get why you're here.","Lucifer: Because I need the best bounty hunter out there. I can deal with the detective, but I need you to find Amenadiel. Then we can get the pendant, assemble the sword before Mum spews light everywhere.","Trixie: You don't have to speak in code. I can handle adult stuff.","Maze: So what if your mother explodes? Why should I care?","Lucifer: Because many, many humans could get hurt.","Maze: Yeah, and?","Lucifer: Oh, nice try, Maze, but I happen to know there's a few that you care about.","Maze: Fine. But you pay me my standard fee. No freebies.","Lucifer: Absolutely... Oh. Love me a lolli.","Trixie: Sorry, wussies don't get any. Chloe askes question to Chet's brother.","Chloe: So, I ran the prints, and it came back as your brother Chet... I'm sorry. I know that you've been living in Mexico, but can you think of anyone who may have wanted your brother dead?","Hector: My family had many enemies. It's why I left, to get away from the Ruiz empire. I tried to get Chet to go with me, but...","Chloe: But, unfortunately, he got involved in the family business.","Hector: I know you were the one who put my mother in prison. I also know you were after Chet, so I know what you think of my family... But I loved my brother... He didn't deserve to die. Especially not like that.","Chloe: No one deserves to die like that. Look, I'm gonna work this case as carefully and fairly as I would any other case. I promise you. Lucifer breaks an evidence at Ella's lab.","Lucifer: Ah, oopsie daisy. There goes that clue. Klutzy me.","Ella: Aw, don't worry, buddy. I am a total klutz myself. Which is why I always make a backup.","Lucifer: Oh, good.Hope it leads us straight to Chet's killer.","Ella: Oh, no, that's from another crime scene. I got a big steaming pile of nada from the Chet Ruiz crime scene.","Lucifer: Oh, good... Ness me, that is awful.","Chloe: Please tell me you have something.","Lucifer: No, no, nothing. It's so frustrating.","Ella: Well, there is one thing I'm waiting on.","Lucifer: But I thought you just said we had nada.","Ella: Well, so the only thing we know for sure is that someone had to drive there to dump the body. So, the tech team is checking the vicinity for cameras, but it's such a remote place, so don't get your hopes up.","Lucifer: Ooh, yes. I think you're right, Miss Lopez. Sadly, the only witness to this one is my dear old dad.","Ella: Oh, right. Yes, your dad... Is always watching. Wait a second. That gives me an idea.","Lucifer: It does?","Ella: Satellite imaging takes sporadic photos of, well, everything, so...","Chloe: So there may be footage of the killer going to or from the warehouse.","Ella: Exactly. I mean, it's a long shot, but thank you, Lucifer.","Lucifer: You're so welcome. Amenadiel make some improve.","Amenadiel: It's me. God chose me. I'm the favourite son. This whole time, I actually thought that God had lost faith in me, but it was me. I lost faith in him. I can see that now... That losing my powers must have been a test... And if so, I failed...I'm so sorry, Father.","Partner: Yes, and how was your pork chop?","Daniel: Okay, that's great. We'll cut right there. Hey, can I have the lights please? So, uh, good job. But there are a few subjects that we try to avoid: you know, religion, politics, anything too polarizing. Okay?","Amenadiel: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Totally understand. I got this.","Daniel: Perfect. All right, let's give 'em another scenario.","Woman: Oh, uh, zookeepers and the giraffe is pregnant.","Daniel: Okay. You guys ready? Action.","Partner: Oh, man! I think she's going into labour! Help me!","Amenadiel: How can I help when I'm supposed to kill my own father?!","Daniel: And cut... It's a little dark, buddy.","Amenadiel: Hmm.","Daniel: You know, just try to have fun with it.","Amenadiel: But I thought you told me this helped you work through difficult personal matters.","Daniel: I did. Chloe and Lucifer are walking in the street.","Chloe: APB got a hit that it was parked in the lot across the street.","Lucifer: I'm telling you, we're wasting time.","Chloe: It was the only vehicle parked near the crime scene between midnight and 5:00 a.m.","Lucifer: Yes, but how do you know this parked van's even the same one? I mean, there's no license plates on this image.","Chloe: Oh, come on! How many vans have dandelions on the side?","Lucifer: They're not dandelions, they're jellyfish.","Chloe: What? Jellyfish?","Lucifer: Right, yes. Well, I'm simply saying that we should be focusing on more pressing criminal issues.","Chloe: Such as?","Lucifer: Well, I'm glad you asked, actually. The death of Celeste McDougall. Very suspicious, indeed.","Chloe: She was 92.","Lucifer: Yes, and fit as a fiddle. I mean, look at that smug face. Look.","Chloe: I know. Yeah, I got it, I got it. .. LAPD! Don't move! You still think we're wasting our time?","Lucifer: Definitely rethinking the lasagna I had for lunch.","Ava: Oh, my gosh. This is not what it looks like.","Lucifer: What? Minions day out?","Chloe: Take your hoods off, slowly.","Ava: I know this looks bad, but we can explain. I'm Ava. This is my sister Kathleen.","Kathleen: Hi. How ya doin'?","Lucifer: Friendliest serial killers ever.","Kathleen: Oh, that's hilarious. We're not killers. God, no. We run Dandy Lyon Cleaners. Lyon's our last name. Get it?","Ava: We take care of crime scenes, dead body removals. All the icky stuff.","Kathleen: But totally legit. Yeah, like this poor guy, died of a heart attack.","Ava: Like, two weeks ago.","Lucifer: Right, well, perfectly good explanation. I knew it. Shall we, Detective?","Chloe: Wait, wait, wait. Why was your van outside of an abandoned warehouse in Eagle Rock at 3:00 a.m. last night?","Ava: I'm... Pretty sure you're mistaken. We were nowhere near that area.","Kathleen: Well...","Ava: Ugh, no. Eagle Rock. Do not tell me you went to see Fred again. I thought you were done with that jerk.","Kathleen: I was, till I ran into him at Jamba Juice.","Lucifer: Understand completely. I mean, what's more intoxicating than a Mango-A-Go-Go? Alibi sorted. We'll leave you here with Soupy, and we'll be on our way. Come on.","Chloe: No. Wait, wait. Hold on. Can I talk to you for a second?","Lucifer: Yes?","Chloe: Enough with this. Why are you trying to rush our investigation? Why are you still hiding things from me after all we've been through?","Lucifer: You know I don't lie, Detective.","Chloe: But you also don't tell the whole truth... Does this have to do with what you were upset about this morning, with your family?","Lucifer: Yes, but I can't explain, because you wouldn't understand.","Chloe: Not if you don't talk to me... Never mind. I thought we were past this. Going backwards, Lucifer, is not good. For anyone. At the end of the class, Daniel encourages Amenadiel.","Daniel: Trust me, dude, you're gonna find this really freeing once you get the hang of it. And I'll help you through it. Just takes practice.","Amenadiel: You're a good man, Daniel.","Daniel: Yeah. Amenadiel hugs Daniel.","Daniel: Ooh! Okay. All right. Wow. You're strong... That family is so weird. Daniel leaves, Maze enters.","Maze: \"You'll get the hang of it. It just takes practice.\" And that hug. You guys doing it?","Amenadiel: So, what are you even doing here?","Maze: I'm bounty hunting you, thanks to Lucifer. Time to assemble the sword, Amenadiel.","Amenadiel: I don't know that I want to, Maze. Father entrusted me with the final piece. That changes things.","Maze: Are you coming with me or not?","Amenadiel: Think about it, Mazikeen. All of my actions, all of my feelings, they were all just based on lies. You see, I thought I had fallen, and I... Maze tazes Amenadiel.","Maze: I don't get paid by the hour. Chloe is doing researches on her computer. Ella arrives.","Ella: Oh, my God! Are you going to Paris? Can I be your travel buddy? I love Paris. Les hommes, oh, tr\u00e8s sexy, romantiques, avec...","Chloe: This is the Paris hotel in Vegas, actually.","Ella: Oh. Not... Going there. Vegas and me... Not pretty.","Chloe: Yeah, I'm not going, either. But Kathleen Lyon's ex Brad did, and according to his Wobble page, he's been partying there all weekend.","Ella: Oh, well, that blows up Kathleen's reason for being in Eagle Rock at 3:00 a.m. You think our two sweet, \"legit\" cleaners are up to something not so legit? Amenadiel is waking up at the penthouse.","Lucifer: Hello, Brother. I notice you've changed your look. Where's your pretty necklace?","Amenadiel: Oh, I've put it in a safe place.","Lucifer: Ah. Keister it, did you?","Maze: Nope. Already checked. Not there.","Lucifer: Lovely. Listen, Amenadiel, I need the final piece.","Amenadiel: Right. So you and Mom can slice through the Gates of Heaven and destroy Father. Yeah. I know.","Lucifer: Right. Maze, darling, would you mind running down to the wine cellar and fetching Mum? I think she'd like to hear this.","Amenadiel: I've been thinking about this, deeply. And I think that we've been looking at things the wrong way.","Lucifer: Oh?","Amenadiel: That necklace was a gift. It's not some manipulation.","Lucifer: Well, you only think that because it was gifted to you.","Amenadiel: No, no, Luci! It's all about perspective. Father doesn't always make things clear, because he wants us to form our own beliefs. And I strongly believe that I am to guard that piece. Now, I may have lost my way, but that doesn't mean that I can't rectify things now.","Lucifer: Fine. What if I was to tell you I never planned on destroying Dad?","Amenadiel: I'd say you were full of it.","Lucifer: Yes, I want to assemble the sword, yes, I want to cut through the gates, blah, blah, but then I was just gonna kick Mum into Heaven and slam the gates behind her. Let the two lovebirds torture each other for eternity.","Amenadiel: And that's better?","Lucifer: Yes.","Amenadiel: No! Regardless of whether you're with Mom or not, I simply can't let Mom loose on Dad. Now, it is finally time that I go back to being the loyal soldier that he entrusted me to be. Mom is not going anywhere!","Lucifer: Well, I am afraid that we do not have a choice, Brother! Mum's powers are returning, and it won't be long before we can't contain them. I mean, she's already killed one person, and now the detective is on a... The Detective is on her case. So, please, no discussion. Mum has to go!","Maze: She already has. Your mother's gone.","Lucifer: What? Linda opens the door of her practice.","Charlotte: It's Cheval something or other. It's valuable, so it must be good.","Linda: I wasn't expecting to see you or your... Deadly light back so soon.","Charlotte: Well, something's been bothering me. When you first saw my wound... You asked if Lucifer had done it... What did you mean by that?","Linda: I meant nothing by it. You know? Meaningless brain fart, you know? Just blah. Came out. There was a lot going on that day.","Charlotte: Hmm. I don't think so. I think, in fact, that you know something. I don't want to hurt you, Linda. I... Am running... Out of time. You've seen what's happening to me. So you can either tell me what you know over a glass of wine or over your own charbroiled corpse. Your choice. Chloe and Daniel are the new crime scene.","Chloe: I came here to grill Kathleen on the false alibi.","Daniel: Whoa. Somebody already had, huh?","Chloe: Yeah. It's Ava Lyon. I'm thinking whoever killed Chet hired the Lyon sisters to clean up, then cleaned up the cleaner.","Kathleen: Excuse me, what is going on? I work here... Ava!","Chloe: Stop.","Kathleen: Oh, my God. What did I do? Chloe is interviewing Kathleen at the station.","Kathleen: It's me, only me. Ava knew nothing about it. I wasn't lying about Brad. I did get back together with him, but he gambles a lot, and he needed money. Then I got this call offering me a hundred grand.","Chloe: Who hired you? Who killed Chet and your sister?","Kathleen: Maybe Ava's death was a warning. For me to keep my mouth shut. Maybe if I don't say anything... Amenadiel and Lucifer are at Lux.","Amenadiel: So how do we find Mom? Follow the trail of roasted humans?","Lucifer: Well, if anyone can find that wily goddess, it's Maze. She's on it. Lucifer's phone rings. It's Chloe. She's at the station.","Lucifer: Detective. Everything all right?","Chloe: We found a body.","Lucifer: Another body?","Chloe: A burned head.","Lucifer: Same burned head?","Chloe: Yes.","Lucifer: So, what, you think whoever killed Chet killed again?","Chloe: Look, Lucifer, it's a long story, but the second victim is Ava Lyon. She's one of the cleaners we met. I have her sister Kathleen here, but she's not saying anything... She's scared. So I need you to come here, and I need you to do your mojo thing.","Lucifer: Yes, Detective, believe me when I say I want to find the killer as much as you do.","Charlotte: Hello, boys.","Lucifer: Mum.","Chloe: What? What? What's going on?","Lucifer: I-I'm so sorry. My mum's here. I-I've got to rush. Good luck with Kathleen. Ciao.","Chloe: Damn it.","Ella: What's wrong?","Chloe: Lucifer. He's... He's hiding something from me, I can tell.","Ella: Oh, you know what? It's probably just embarrassing family stuff. I mean, they seem totally bonkers.","Chloe: Yeah. Maybe. He is with his step-mom now, so... So maybe... Maybe he's not hiding something from me, but someone... Someone who knew Chet. And someone I still don't trust. Charlotte is drinking alcohol.","Amenadiel: What have you been doing?","Charlotte: Oh... This and that.","Lucifer: This being firing up the celestial barbecue so that you can grill another head?","Charlotte: No. I just needed to get cleaned up. Get some air. I was feeling a little claustrophobic. Don't you just hate being kept in the dark? The good news is you found Amenadiel. So we have the piece?","Lucifer: Yes. Well, interesting story, actually. Why don't you tell her, Brother?","Amenadiel: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. This one's all you. Brother, I insist.","Lucifer: Thank you. Right. Well, uh, upon careful consideration, we've decided this whole Flaming Sword plan is a crap idea.","Amenadiel: Yes, crap.","Lucifer: Mm. Have you ever considered finding, well, I don't know, a-a place of your own?","Amenadiel: Yeah. Somewhere away from Dad, maybe?","Lucifer: Yes. Somewhere familiar, warmer, perhaps?","Charlotte: You want... You want me back in Hell?","Lucifer: Well, not in Hell, per se, but in charge of Hell. I mean, after all, it is a kingdom without a ruler.","Amenadiel: He is right. I mean, there's a great opportunity for upward mobility.","Lucifer: Lick of paint here or there. The columns would look great in white... Beige?","Charlotte: So it's true. You are working against me. You never planned on going with me to Heaven.","Lucifer: Wait. How did you find out?","Charlotte: Well, I persuaded... Your little doctor. I'm sorry. I had no choice.","Lucifer: What did you do? Mum.","Amenadiel: Mom. Listen, I understand. You're angry.","Charlotte: Oh, I'm not angry. Just disappointed... Give me the piece!","Amenadiel: No, Mom... You're gonna have to kill me.","Charlotte: Guess I'll have to find another way, won't I? Charlotte leaves.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lucifer: Well, now look what you've made her do. I've just had this tuned!","Amenadiel: Me? How about you suggesting Hell as a retirement home? Nice. Maybe if you had just mentioned the pottery class or water aerobics, she would have gone for it.","Lucifer: Oh, and did you have a better idea?","Amenadiel: Mom's coming undone, Luci... In every way.","Lucifer: I know. And she doesn't care who she hurts anymore... Linda.","Amenadiel: I'll go check on Linda. You go after Mom, she'll listen to you. But, Luci, don't you dare promise her that piece, because I won't give it to her. Chloe and Daniel find Charlotte.","Charlotte: Well, well. Someone's clever. How did you get me?","Daniel: Wasn't that hard. We tracked your phone.","Charlotte: No, I mean, how did you figure out I was the bad guy? Did Little Miss Dandy Lyon tell you?","Chloe: It's over, Charlotte. Put your hands up.","Charlotte: Oh, don't worry, I'm not going to resist. I'll tell you everything you want to know. I just have one small request. Lucifer is in the parking, his phone rings.","Lucifer: Detective. Any chance you've seen my Mu...","Charlotte: Looking for little ol' me? You were right, dear. Your detective is quite good. She caught me.","Lucifer: Where are you?","Charlotte: Santa Monica Pier. Such a beautiful place. So many people.","Lucifer: If you hurt anyone, Mum, if you hurt her...","Charlotte: And if you and your brother had just given me what I needed. But who knows? Maybe you still can.","Chloe: Okay, that's enough.","Lucifer: Mum!","Chloe: Start talking.","Charlotte: Just the two of us. If that's all right. I'd rather not put Daniel in... An awkward position. Hate to ruin all the good ones we've been in... Can we go outside?","Chloe: Mm-hmm. I'll be fine. Charlotte kisses Daniel.","Charlotte: I'll miss you, Daniel. You are my favourite human. Amenadiel hold on his phone.","Amenadiel: Hey. You find Mom?","Lucifer: She's on Santa Monica Pier, and she wants the piece... We have to give it to her, Amenadiel. We've run out of options. Please. Brother, please. She... She has Chloe. Maze is on her way to Linda's practice.","Maze: Linda! You here?! I'm tracking Lucifer's mom, and I think she might be on her way. She enters in the office. Linda is hurt.","Maze: Oh, no. No, no, no! Linda. Hey. It's okay. I'm here. Okay? You're gonna be fine... She did this to you, didn't she?","Linda: She wanted to know what Lucifer's plans were. I didn't want to tell her. I tried to resist. I'm so sorry.","Maze: It's not your fault, okay? And you're going to be fine. I promise. I'm-I'm gonna fix you. Okay? Amenadiel enters.","Maze: Help me. Lucifer joins Daniel. He has the Flaming Sword.","Lucifer: Hello, Daniel.","Daniel: Whoa! Whoa, whoa! She kissed me.","Lucifer: Literally no idea what you're talking about. Just get your hands up. No, don't be silly. I'm not gonna stab you. I'm just looking for something. Come on, up. Up!","Daniel: What are you looking for? Uh...","Lucifer: Hello.","Daniel: Whoa. What the...? Whoa, whoa, whoa.","Lucifer: Ah. Ah-ah-ah. It's my brother's. He left it there for safekeeping, so thanks for that. You're a lifesaver. Chloe and Charlotte are talking.","Chloe: Okay, Charlotte, this has been a great chat, but are you gonna confess or what?","Charlotte: I'll never understand why you concern yourselves with one little human, but... Fine. Yes, I was involved in Chet's death, but not in the way you think.","Chloe: Well, correct me if I'm wrong. You killed him. You hired a cleaner to take care of the body. And then you killed the cleaner. Is that it?","Charlotte: The cleaner's dead? What? Oh, that's unfortunate. I certainly had nothing to do with that.","Chloe: But if you didn't, then who did?","Lucifer: Mom! I've got it. Now let the Detective go.","Chloe: Lucifer, put down the knife. You can't protect your mother anymore.","Lucifer: I'm not protecting her. It's you I'm trying to save. Now, here it is, Mum. I have the blade and the final piece. You let the Detective go, and they are yours.","Chloe: Let me go? Really? I'm the one holding her.","Lucifer: Mum?","Hector: No one's going anywhere!","Charlotte: Oh, I think we found our mystery killer.","Hector: How can you be so glib?! You were our lawyer! You betrayed us!","Chloe: Put the gun down, Hector.","Hector: Thank you for leading me to her, Detective. You promised to approach this fairly, and you did. But now I have to make things right for my family.","Lucifer: Ah! A little wrinkle. You shoot her and we're all dead, okay? Maze is trying to help Linda.","Linda: I need a hospital.","Maze: Yes. Okay.","Amenadiel: It's too far, Maze. She won't make it.","Maze: We need to do something. We need more time. We just need more time. Amenadiel uses his power to stop the time.","Maze: What are you doing? Lucifer is trying to stop Hector.","Lucifer: Look, it's very difficult to explain, but believe me when I say that there are many, many lives at stake here. So, please, just put the gun down, huh? Hector sees Daniel then he shoots.","Lucifer: No! The time is stop.","Lucifer: Amenadiel. You son of a bitch. Maze is shocked.","Maze: How?","Amenadiel: Go. Lucifer and Charlotte fall off the pier. Lucifer reunites the Flaming Sword.","Lucifer: I'm sorry, Mum. But I'm afraid that this ends now... You've hurt so many people, Mum. It has to stop.","Charlotte: You know that everything I've done, I've done for, for us, for our family.","Lucifer: You used me. Used Chloe.","Charlotte: Me? What about your father? He created Chloe just to manipulate you... Lucifer, look. We have the sword. Finally, finally, we can get revenge. We can destroy him. We can take our home back.","Lucifer: I'm not leaving, Mum!","Charlotte: Okay. I can take care of it for both of us. Just give me the sword, and I'll do the rest. Please, son. I just... I just want a chance to start over.","Lucifer: But... Going home? That's not starting over, that's... That's going backwards. And that's not good for anyone... So it's time for you to move forward, Mum... Even if it means I'll never see you again.","Charlotte: Lucifer. No! Lucifer cuts the world.","Lucifer: Bloody hell, it worked. I guess it can cut through anything, even the world itself.","Charlotte: What is that?","Lucifer: It's-it's nothing... At least, for now. This is the real way to move forward, Mum. To create a whole new world, your own world, without Father.","Charlotte: But what about you? Amenadiel? My children?","Lucifer: You know that if we go back to Heaven, then there will be a war. And in war, there are always casualties.","Charlotte: The last thing I want is to hurt my children.","Lucifer: I know. So, please, let there be light.","Charlotte: My angel. I will miss you... So much. The Goddess leaves. Charlotte Richards fall on the sand. Lucifer spills the Flaming Sword, cats it in the universe and keeps Amenadiel's necklace. The time starts over. There are gunshots. Hector is dead. Linda is at the ER. On the beach, Daniel runs to see how Charlotte is.","Daniel: Hey.","Lucifer: I'm sorry, Daniel. She didn't... Die. Charlotte Richards wakes up.","Lucifer: Mum?","Charlotte Richards: \"Mom\"? My kids are... Ten.","Lucifer: Right, of course. Charlotte.","Charlotte Richards: What's... What's going on? Uh, why am I at the beach?","Daniel: You fell off the pier.","Charlotte Richards: I fell off the...?","Daniel: It's-it's okay. I got you.","Charlotte Richards: Who are you? The paramedic takes Charlotte Richards at the hospital.","Lucifer: So what do you think will happen to Charlotte?","Chloe: Well, given her law firm's track record, probably not much. You know, the more I think about it, the more I think that Hector killed both victims.","Lucifer: What, you think he killed his own brother?","Chloe: I think you would be the first to agree. You know, things between families can get pretty heated.","Lucifer: Yes. Heated.","Chloe: Oh, and Ella found a Mondo blowtorch in Hector's car, so there's that.","Lucifer: Right.","Chloe: The only thing I still don't understand is you seemed to have some inkling of this from the very beginning, so... Why didn't you let me in on it?","Lucifer: Well, you...","Chloe: 'Cause at this point, you either trust me or you don't.","Lucifer: Detective, I trust you...","Chloe: Look, if you think that I wouldn't forgive you for your mistakes or your flaws, if you think that I don't know who you really are by now, you're wrong. Lucifer visits Linda at the hospital.","Lucifer: Linda, look at you.","Linda: Lucifer. I'm okay.","Lucifer: This is my fault. I-I should never have got you involved in any of this from the start.","Linda: It's not like I didn't know I was dealing with the most powerful, well... The most dysfunctional family in the universe... Lucifer... I walked into this with my eyes wide open, chose to be your friend and face all that comes with that. The good, the bad and the crispy... What?","Lucifer: I just realized something that I need to do. But... Let's focus on you, shall we? That's enough about me. Lucifer phones Chloe and lets a voice mail.","Lucifer: Detective. Hello, it's me. Lucifer. Um, I just wanted to apologize for being, well, for being so elusive. But I also wanted to say that I am done hiding. So I'm coming over now to tell you the truth about me. 'Cause I think it's time I finally opened your eyes as to why strange things sometimes happen around me. Why my brother's so saintly and Maze is so... Not. And I'm so... Well, magnetic. No, but s-seriously, I... I want to tell you everything... No more going backwards. Someone knocks out Lucifer. He wakes up in the desert. His wings are back on his shoulders."],"Show Title":"Lucifer","Episode Number":"02x18","Episode Title":"The Good, the Bad, and the Crispy","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Married_01x07.json","Recap":["Russ and Lina find that the lease on their rental house is almost up, as new potential renters start dropping by to view the home. Lina falls in love with the home of a woman who is now dating A.J., and tries to hasten the woman's pending divorce. Elsewhere, Jess gets upset that her boss only pays her attention when he wants her to score drugs for him."],"Transcript":["Gretchen: Oh, whatever. It's... it's economical, okay?","(Indistinct talking)(Dog barking) Russ: What do you want?","Frankie: I want waffles. Daddy. I want waffles, I want waffles, I want waffles.","Russ: Over easy or sunny side up?","Frankie: I want waffles.","Russ: Okay, over easy.","(Doorbell rings)","Ugh, that's for you.","Lina: Coming!","(Rapid knocking)","Hello?","Realtor: Hi, are you guys ready for the open house?","Lina: The open what?","Realtor: Open house.","Lina: This is bullshit. The landlord has to call... you can't just have an open house. We live here.","Russ: You need to keep it down.","Lina: It's bullshit!","Russ: Shh!","Lina: You have to let your tenant know. Did you hide the, um...?","Russ: I hid all the usual crap. My weed, your vibrator, your mom's jewelry, the Polaroids.","Lina: The Polaroids?","Russ: They're mine. Those are mine.","Lina: They're of me.","Russ: They're mine.","Man: The kitchen would have to be gutted.","How disgusting were those bathrooms?","Woman: They look like they've never been cleaned.","Russ: They're not that dirty.","Lina: Yes, they are.","Lina: Here's one... three bedrooms. Cozy. Craftsman style house.","Russ: \"Cozy\" means tiny.","Lina: What about three bedrooms and a pool.","Oh, wait, never mind, it's an apartment complex. Are you watching the kids?","Russ: Yes.","Lina: This is so depressing. I hate renting.","Russ: Why? We've got total freedom with renting, you know? I don't want to be tied down.","Lina: We have three kids. We're tied down.","Russ: Yeah, but what if we need to, like, leave the country suddenly, you know? What if we get jobs in Costa Rica?","Lina: I just want to own I want to own something before I die. I want to die in the place that I own.","Russ: Got it. Buy a house, murder you, have s*x with your corpse.","[SCENE_BREAK]","David: Oh, hi.","Jess: Hi, David. Do you want to see me?","David: Yeah. Come on in.","Jess: Yeah. (Locks door)","Am I getting fired?","David: What?","Jess: 'Cause you just shut the door and locked it, and I feel like that means I'm getting fired.","(David laughs)","Or bent over something. Am I getting bent over?","David: No. Uh, Jess, do you remember the thing we talked about before Christmas?","Jess: Yes, I do. (Gasps)","David: Yeah, so...","Jess: Are you putting me on Valerie's team? That's awesome. Thank you.","David: No, actually...","Jess: Uh, let me just say, I've really been thinking about this, and I feel very ready.","David: Stop. The reason I, uh, called you in here is I need to... I need to get some tickets. You know... eight tickets in row \"C.\"","Jess: Am I being invited or not invited to something?","David (Quietly): I need an eight-ball.","Jess: Oh. (Laughs) You want me to get cocaine for you.","You want me to buy drugs for you.","David: Hey, I-I'd love it if you'd please use code.","Jess: Oh, I get it. Okay, um, eight tickets in row cocaine.","(Clicks tongue twice)","David (Laughs nervously): Okay, thanks. Thank you. That's it. Great.","Jess: Thank you.","David: Thanks, yeah, that's it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","I think it's cool that he asked me to get the drugs, because it's like he still thinks I have that hookup, you know? And I like being that girl.","Russ: You're not really a girl.","Jess: Can you ask your husband to please be nice to me? I'm going through too much sh1t right now to deal with you.","Lina: What about a duplex in Encino?","Russ: Mm. Like that idea. We get one house, the kids get another. That'd be sweet. Oh, wow. This is a new direction for AJ.","Lina: Way less whore-y than usual.","Russ: Yeah.","Jess: She might... even have pubes.","Russ: Retro.","Cynthia: Hello. Hi. I'm Cynthia.","Russ: Russ. This is my wife, Lina.","Cynthia: Nice to meet you.","AJ: This is Jess. Hello. How are you?","Cynthia: Well, thank God we're zoned for Carpenter Elementary, because only three houses over it's Moorpark.","Lina: Oh, yeah, they only got a seven out of ten.","Cynthia: Exactly. And we looked at this other house and thought about getting a virtual address.","AJ (Quietly): She's so normal.","Russ: That's good, right?","AJ (Sighs): Yeah. Normal makes me hard. It's my new fetish.","Jess: My new fetish is men with a really leathery skin.","AJ: Mm.","Jess: I also imagine that the skin is crispy and hot to the touch. I might just want chicken.","(Laughs)","Cynthia: We have to do this again soon.","Lina: Absolutely.","Cynthia: It's so nice to meet you both.","Russ: Nice to meet you as well.","Cynthia: Bye. Get home safe.","Russ and Lina: You, too.","Russ: All right, can we stop pretending that we valeted?","Lina: Yes.","Russ: Thank you.","Lina: Cynthia's cool. What's her story?","Russ: Uh, her and her husband are splitting up. I guess it's sort of ugly.","Lina: Oh.","Russ: Mm-hmm.","Lina (Gasps): A three-bedroom in Tarzana just opened up.","Russ: Mm. Oh... wait, that's right.","AJ mentioned that Cynthia was selling her place.","Lina: Really?","Russ: Yeah.","Lina: What is she asking?","Russ: More than we can afford.","Lina: Aw.","(AJ hums a tune)","AJ: Oh, my God.You guys are gonna love this house! (Laughs)","Russ: It seems way out of our range.","AJ: No, no, no, no, dude, it's a divorce sale. Cynthia and Karl just want to unload the place.","Lina: It's really cute.","AJ: This is great for you guys.","Russ: I just...","Lina: We can look.","Russ: We can look, I just...","AJ: Hello, Yolanda. We're here!","It's a complete remodel. Cathedral ceilings, recessed lighting... I mean, you can't get better than this, right?","Russ: Yeah, we can't afford this.","Lina: Just keep an open mind... you never know.","Russ: Mm, pretty much know.","AJ: Let me show you the kiddies' room. Great, right?","Lina: Honey, the girls could have their own rooms.","Russ: Oh, great... they should definitely have their own rooms. Oh, but, then, I don't know, where are we gonna put the butler? You know? I mean, I guess Maya could share with the butler, though. Is that weird?","Lina: I hate you.","Russ: Do you think the roof's gonna be flat enough for the helipad?","AJ: Look, you know, we're both taking our time out of our days to do this with you, so just have a better attitude.","Lina: Honey, this could be your office!","Russ: Sure, why not?","AJ: Yeah. And what is Karl's sh1t doing inside your office, huh? Yech!","Lina: Okay, if we cash in your 401(K) from your old job and we get another loan from my mom...","Russ: We still won't have enough.","Lina: What if you go to work full-time for Bernie?","Russ: Which I'm not gonna do.","AJ: Guys, I can help. What's the use of having money if you can't help your friends?","Lina: When is it available?","(AJ sighs)","AJ: I wish I knew, man. She won't give me a straight answer.","Russ: Wait, so the house might not actually be for sale?","AJ: Who knows?","It's not fair to me, it's not fair to Karl, it's not fair to you guys... we're all victims here.","Lina: So the house might be for sale.","Lina: So what's the deal with Cynthia? Is she getting divorced or not?","AJ: She keeps saying, \"we'll be together soon, we'll be together soon.\"","What does \"soon\" mean? What is she talking about five years? Seven years? You know? When she gets with me, I still want to be able to get it up.","Russ: I think we are done here.","Lina: We're not done.","Russ: Yes, we are.","Lina: We're not done.","Russ: Yeah.","Lina: I love that house.","Russ: I know, but maybe this is a sign. That house ruined Cynthia's marriage.","Lina: The house didn't ruin their marriage.","Russ: She and Karl bought a big house, and now they are getting a divorce. Coincidence?","Lina: Yes.","Dino: Jess?","Jess: Hey, Dino.","Dino: Damn, you look fine. No, I'm, I'm out of the life. Have been for a while.","Jess: You're taking a break?","Dino: No, I'm done dealing. Forever.","Jess: (Chuckles) Did you get busted, Dino?","Dino: No, I was too good for that. I just realized that slinging wasn't getting me anywhere. I'm all about hospitality now, you know what I'm saying?","Jess: I don't. I... am so... So this is not a front?","Dino: This is a career.","Jess: Okay. All right.","Dino: Look, the only thing I'm dealing now is an exceptional guest experience. I realized I had to think about a life path, you know? Career and sh1t.","Jess: Totally. I'm just doing this for my boss.","Dino: Oh. So you can relate. You're not somebody he respects. You're just another hustler. Hurts, right?","Jess: I don't think that he thinks of me like that.","Dino: I hated it when people only hit me up when they needed drugs. You know, some of the people I was dealing to didn't even know I had kids.","Jess: Oh, yeah. Uh, they don't? That's... Wha... How are your... those kids?","Dino: Good. Good.","Jess: Good.","Dino: Two more reasons why I stopped pushing the powder.","Jess: That's nice. Cool. So you've just totally severed from that world or... Do you know anybody who still does... push the powder? Or... I don't know what to say.","Dino: I-I gave it up completely.","Jess: I know, but did you, like, say good-bye to all of your friends?","Dino: Am I not making myself clear?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lina: Russ?","Russ (Groggily): Huh?","Lina: Are you awake?","Russ: Huh?","Lina: Russ.","Russ: What?","Lina: I can't stop thinking about that house.","Russ: Huh? You want to fool around?","Lina: Are you even listening to me?","Russ: (Groans) Say it back again.","Lina: What?","Russ: You. Every time we need a new place to live, you get crazy.","Lina: Well, maybe that's because we never live anywhere for more than three years.","Russ: You realize that every time you say that, it makes me feel like a total loser... Because I don't make enough money to buy us a house.","Lina: You're not a loser 'cause you can't afford anything. You're a loser for different reasons. AJ said he would help.","Russ: I don't want AJ's help. Wait, have you guys been texting?","Lina: That house is perfect for us.","Russ: We don't even know if that house is for sale, Lina.","Lina: Let's find out. We are really worried about AJ. We just don't want to see him get hurt. Well, he said you had made some promises to him, that you two would be together soon.","Cynthia: Well, that's the hope.","Lina: Yeah. Right. So how soon are you thinking? You know, because AJ's not getting any younger. And it's not fair to him. Or to you. Or Karl.","Cynthia: It's tricky.","Lina: AJ really cares about you. Right, honey?","Russ: Uh, yeah. No, he's-he's totally into you.","Cynthia: He's been a really great friend during this whole thing.","Lina: The divorce? Is that the-the thing you're talking about?","Cynthia: Okay, here's the deal... (Phone rings) Oh, sh1t. This is Karl. I have to get this. I'm sorry.","Lina: Yeah, of course.","Cynthia: What? Why? You never listen to a goddamn thing I say. No, I don't want to see you. Honestly I don't want to ever see you ever again. The thought of seeing you disgusts me. When you touch me, it-it-it makes me want to vomit all over you. Yeah, that's how I feel...","Lina: This is amazing.","Russ: What?","Lina: You hear the way she's talking to him?","Russ: Yeah, it sounds like how you talk to me.","Lina: She doesn't love him anymore.","Russ: Huh. What are you saying?","Cynthia: That's why our s*x wasn't good...","Russ: Hey. Isn't it possible that they might actually stay together?","Lina: Why are you being so negative?","Russ: Because we're trying to buy a divorce house from a couple that might not get divorced.","Lina: Maya, come here. Your father doesn't believe that Nicole's parents are having problems so you need to do a little recon.","(Phone ringing)","Maya: How do you play recon?","Russ: (Groans) AJ.","Maya: She likes purple, she hates Bieber, and they might get a labradoodle.","Lina: What about the parents?","Maya: Mom wants the dog. Dad's allergic.","Lina: (Sighs) Is there anything else about the dad?","Maya: Sometimes he sleeps on the sofa.","Lina: Perfect. See? That's how you play recon.","Maya: That game's stupid.","Lina: You're stupid.","Russ: What?","Hey.","AJ: Dude, I am totally closing the deal for you guys.","Russ: Look, we appreciate the help, but I don't think this is gonna work out.","AJ: It's already done. Russ: What is this?","AJ: Karl's tax return. Somebody forgot to declare income on a rental property. You know, income tax, man, that's what brought down Capone.","Russ: AJ, I don't... Honestly, I don't know what to do with this.","AJ: Hey. Lina and I are on the same page with this. Get with the program.","Russ: What... program?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Russ: Lina, this is crazy. We need to go home.","Lina: We can't let an opportunity like this slip away. Why should someone else get this house?","Why? I don't understand. We need a two-car garage.","Russ: Why? We have one car.","Lina: For now we have one car, but...","Russ: Uh...","Lina: Oh, and guess what else I just found out. Karl's sleeping on the couch.","Russ: So what? I sleep on the couch. It doesn't mean we're getting divorced.","Lina: She wants this to end. She's vulnerable, she's angry. So, like, this is perfect. We're coming in at the perfect moment in her life. Your best friend is in love with her, and we need a house. We need a house!","Russ: You've kind of lost it at this point.","Lina: No, I haven't. Cynthia and Karl just need a little push.","Russ: We shouldn't be pushing anybody into anything.","Lina: Look, the only way to get a house in Los Angeles is to either get rich or get lucky, and honestly, honey, I don't see us getting rich anytime soon.","Russ: Hey, I'm... I'm working on some stuff.","Lina: What stuff?","Russ: Uh, it's... Not... it's a nascent...","Lina: And it's gonna make us rich?","Russ: Yeah, it can. Or it can, you know, certainly lead to other... things that could be profitable.","(Lina fake snoring)","It's-it's just got... (Groans) Fine. What do you want me to do?","Lina: Oh, man, I don't even know what to say. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this right now. I'm glad that you're not alone, though. I'm glad that we're here for you.","Cynthia: I feel horrible for dragging you into this.","Lina: Oh, no, don't at all. Russ: No.","Lina: What's important right now is-is the children, you know, that they have a fresh start.","Russ: Yeah. Yeah, they need a fresh start.","Lina: Clear out the bad memories, get rid of the bad, stale air, with a new house.","Russ: Yeah, the air.","Lina: You need to sell this house... and start... over...","Cynthia: I don't know, maybe we should try counseling first.","Russ: Oh, yeah, counseling can be good, too. You know, except for the fact that it's... usually, like, a scam. It just delays the inevitable. You know, you're at the inevitable... it's over.","Lina: And honestly, I... (Sighs) Feel like you and AJ are really good together.","Russ: Mm-hmm.","Lina: I feel like you're gonna make it.","Russ: Yeah. He doesn't have any tax problems. And that's what's... a lot of times the most important piece of the relationship, is the tax stuff.","(Door opening)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Amir: We need to talk. About Cynthia.","AJ (Chuckles): Why?","What about her?","Amir: She's married, man.","AJ (Chuckles): Okay, I get the picture. Do what you're gonna do, man. Break my legs, knock out my teeth, cut my tongue out and shove it up my ass.","Amir: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.","AJ: You can tell Karl it's gonna take a lot more than one of his thugs to tear us apart.","Amir: Listen, man, I'm not a tough guy. I'm here as a friend.","And Karl didn't send me. Cynthia did.","AJ: What?","Amir: We are friends, old friends... you know, we went to school together.","AJ (Chuckles): Oh, nice try.","Amir: No, seriously, man. Here, she wants me to give you back your key. And talk some sense into you. Her and Karl are trying to work things out. She just want to be left alone.","AJ: She said that we were gonna be together.","Amir: She said. People say things, you know? Like, she-she lied.","AJ: But we were supposed to be together.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Sniffs)","Jess: Hi, David. David: Hey, Jess.","Jess: Uh, I need to talk to you about those tickets.","The tickets that you were looking for.","David: Oh, yeah, good.","Jess: No. Row \"C\" is completely sold out.","David: Oh. sh1t.","Jess: And... while I have you, I just want to say that... I really would prefer if you don't ask me about this kind of stuff again.","David: Oh.","Jess: You know, and it's really unprofessional.","(Whispers): Because also, I'm a mom. You know? And it's... it's offensive and difficult for me that you think of me as, um... a hustler. I'm not the girl that you go to to look for your booger sugar.","David: I get it.","Jess: I'm the woman that works in your office. And I deserve to be on Valerie's team.","David: Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","AJ (Singsongy): Congrats on the promotion.","So happy for you. (Sniffs) Mmm, mmm.","Jess: Calm down.","AJ: Calm down?","Jess: That wasn't easy to get.","AJ: Oh, really?","Jess: Yeah.","AJ (Chuckles): Sorry. (Jess laughs) Seriously, I'm proud of you.","Jess: Thank you.","(Sniffs)","Sorry about Cynthia.","AJ: Yeah. I really thought we were gonna make it work.","Jess: Mm.","AJ: Seemed so... (Sniffs) Real. (Sniffs)","Jess: Well, I hope Karl beats her.","(AJ sniffs)","AJ: Not cool.","Jess: Sorry.","But if he does, I hope he does it in front of the kids.","AJ: Well... well, is there any other way to do it?","Jess: No. If you're gonna do it, make your mark.","Russ: Lina? Lina?","Lina: Hmm?","Russ: You awake?","Lina: Mm-mm.","Russ: Sorry about the house. I feel bad that I haven't been able to... buy the house that you want. I know I got to make more money.","Lina: I got to get a job.","Russ: No, you don't.","Lina: Yes, I do.","Russ: I mean, it wouldn't hurt, you know. It's just... I'm gonna bust my ass until we have enough money to own our own place.","Lina: It's okay. I think I like renting better than owning.","Russ: Really?","Lina: Yeah. Houses are a lot of work. And if something breaks... Who's gonna fix it, you? (Both laughing)","Russ: Not a chance.","Lina: Let's face it, baby... We're renters.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(golf announcer speaking indistinctly)","AJ: You feel like Mexican tonight?","Amir: Anything but pizza.","AJ: How about pizza?"],"Show Title":"Married","Episode Number":"01x07","Episode Title":"Waffles & Pizza","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Mars_01x02.json","Recap":["In 2033, the Daedalus crew battles across the harsh Martian terrain to reach their prebuilt base camp. A race against the clock to reach the safety of camp begins when the ship commander reveals he has been injured during landing. In the present-day documentary, NASA astronaut Scott Kelly undergoes a historic yearlong mission on the International Space Station, revealing both the physical and emotional hardships astronauts face for space exploration."],"Transcript":["Amelie Durand: Previously on Mars.","Ben Sawyer: We knew Mars wouldn't welcome us with open arms.","Mae: Warning, systems offline.","Robert Foucault: Permission to switch from primary to backup.","Ben Sawyer: Do it.","Hana Seung: Prepare for retropropulsion.","Ben Sawyer: We were ready to give everything to get there.","Hana Seung: Mission control, this is Daedalus, we're looking at a red planet.","[Cheers]","Ben Sawyer: And we knew we'd have to fight even harder if we wanted to stay.","Marta Kamen: How far did we overshoot?","Sam: 75.3 kilometers.","Robert Foucault: Mission control confirmed the rover is 2,000 kilos over maximum payload.","Hana Seung: The odds are we won't make it.","Ben Sawyer: But no matter what happened, we'd do everything we could to make the workshop module our new basecamp.","Because the thing that kept us pushing, it wasn't just inside us. Our species has always been driven to build beyond what we know. We migrated across all of earth. Created settlements, constructed cities, and when we finally left our home planet, we knew the risks involved.","John F. Kennedy: As we set sail, we ask god's blessing on the most hazardous and dangerous and greatest adventure on which man has ever embarked.","Ben Sawyer: However will is a double edged sword. Again, and again it's taken us farther than we ever thought we could go. But this time we had seized on an object so vast, so difficult to attain. I couldn't help but wonder if we might have finally pushed too far.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Robert Foucault: A.I. Guidance is good.","Javier Delgado: We keep this pace, we'll be there in a little under 15 hours.","[Hearing voice in head]","Ben's dad: It's a lot of work this space thing.Is it worth it?","Ben Sawyer: Did you?","Amelie Durand: Ben, are you okay?","Ben Sawyer: Yeah, I'm fine.","We're gonna have a lot of work to do when we get to base camp.","Robert Foucault: I packed the blanket substrate from the secondary panels...","[Multiple overlapping voices]","Amelie Durand: Ben!","\u266a [Theme music plays] \u266a","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Footsteps]","[Hammering]","[Breathing]","[Coughing]","Amelie Durand: No, no no, no, no, you're having difficulty breathing.","Ben Sawyer: I'm ok.","Hana Seung: You are not ok.","Amelie Durand: Your blood oxygen is dropping and your heart rate is too high.","Hana Seung: You knew.","You knew, and you wouldn't let Amelie examine you.","Ben Sawyer: We didn't have enough time.","Amelie Durand: I think you've got blood in your lungs. You need aspiration to get it out and I can't treat you without the equipment at basecamp.","Hana Seung: We've gotta drive faster.","Javier Delgado: The rover isn't designed to do more than ten kilometers per hour.","Robert Foucault: If I adjust the software protocols I can push that to twenty, but with the terrain between us and base camp, it's gonna be a rocky ride.","Hana Seung: Ben...","Ben Sawyer: I don't want this vehicle going over fifteen, do you understand me?","Robert Foucault: Got that, captain.","Ava: Someone modified the rover's speed protocols.","Oliver: I've got them pushing 12 kilometers per hour and climbing.","Ed Grann: What the hell are they doing?","Sam: It's Ben, play it.","Mission control: Cueing rover audio feed now.","Mission control 2: Bringing satellite up. Sawyer's biometrics coming online.","Amelie Durand: Your blood oxygen is dropping and your heart rate is too high. I think you've got blood in your lungs. I can't treat you without the equipment at basecamp.","Hana Seung: We've gotta drive faster.","Ben Sawyer: There were people who asked us why we wanted to go to this place that would almost surely kill us. And whether anything we did to prepare ourselves would be enough.","Charles Bolden: Humanity has never undertaken anything like sending humans to another planet. So how do humans get ready to go to Mars. Or how do they survive for this mission?","President Obama: Now last month we launched a new spacecraft as part of a reenergized space program that will send American astronauts to Mars and in two months, to prepare us for those missions, Scott Kelly will begin a year long stay in space. So good luck, captain, we're proud of you.","Reporter: An American astronaut is hours away from beginning his one year mission on board the international space station...","Reporter 2: While Scott is in space, his twin brother, former shuttle commander Mark Kelly will stay on earth, the brothers, perfect subjects to study...","Norm knight: The trip to Mars is a long trip, seven months, and so we have to understand, what does it mean for an astronaut to be in orbit for that amount of time.","Pasha Morshedi: Pretty much any system in the body you can think of is affected from space flight. The cardiovascular system is affected, the muscular system is affected. The immune system is affected. Lots of things can go wrong the longer you'll spend in space.","Emily Nelson: Frankly we don't have very much data about exactly what twelve months is gonna do to Scott's body. It's an unknown, and you're basically allowing yourself to be an experiment.","Amiko: It could cost him his life. This mission could cost him his life.","Mission control: Ready for the launch, we are ready for the launch.","Scott Kelly: I'm a test pilot, so, I think it's important to push the envelope.","Announcer: We're waving goodbye one last time, before they're loaded in.","Scott Kelly: The risk factor of this, which is high, makes it even more interesting.","Announcer: The engines igniting, ramping up...","[Inaudible radio chatter]","And liftoff. The year in space starts now, Kelly, Kornienko, Padlanka on their way towards the international space station.","Ann Druyan: Going to Mars, not only will people become invested in the safety and well being of the explorers, but also there is that drama, that sense of suspense, as to whether or not they can survive on a world that they were not made for.","Interviewer: who is Ben Sawyer?","Hana Seung: Ben Sawyer is our commander.","Amelie Durand: Ben is probably the most reliable person I've ever met.","Javier Delgado: Ben is the eye of the storm. He is a rock.","Robert Foucault: Ben Sawyer is a great commander and I'm blessed and privileged to be one of his team.","Marta Kamen: Ask him.","Ben Sawyer: who is Ben Sawyer? Uh, he is a member of the team.","Hana Seung: How far?","Robert Foucault: 21 down, 43 miles left.","Amelie Durand: Ben, hey, are you with us?","Ben Sawyer: Yeah, always.","Amelie Durand: Hang in there.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Loud bang]","Robert Foucault: Wheels five and six just locked.","Mae: Suspension system compromised.","Recommend visual assessment.","Robert Foucault: The problem is in the rear.","Javier Delgado: I'll get out there.","[Alarm]","Ok, I'm here. We snapped a load supporting strut above the third wheel-set.","Robert Foucault: Can we weld it?","Javier Delgado: No chance. Alpha-one-Alpha is split, the whole rocker is blown.","Robert Foucault: Mae, repercussion report on damage to load supporting strut Alpha-one-Alpha.","Mae: Replacement component required for restoration of mobility... Necessary 3D printer is at the new base camp.","Javier Delgado: We're still 16.2 kilometers away.","Amelie Durand: I really need to treat Ben with the equipment at the workshop.","Hana Seung: We have to walk.","Marta Kamen: It's minus-35 degrees. It will be minus-70 by nightfall. We run out of battery, we freeze to death out there.","Amelie Durand: If we walk at a decent pace then we can make it to base camp in four hours.","Javier Delgado: Loading the rover took time, our batteries are already down to four and a half hours charging.","Ben Sawyer: No, it's too tight a margin. I'm not risking that exposure to my crew. We charge the suits and we leave when they're at capacity.","Amelie Durand: If you don't get to base camp, then you'll suffocate before those batteries are charged...","Ben Sawyer: I said we charge the...","[Coughs]","Amelie Durand: We don't have a choice.","Hana Seung: If you think ordering us to stay in this rover to watch you die is the right thing to do, you shouldn't be giving orders.","Ben Sawyer: Send a status update to mission control.","Tell them we'll be out of contact until we reach the base camp.","Neil degrasse Tyson: The funny thing about Mars, you know, it rotates once in about 24 hours. It has seasons, it has polar ice caps. So on the informational surface it feels like earth. But you dig a little deeper and you realize it's very cold there, it's very dry there; you can't breathe the air. It is more hostile to life than any place on earth.","Andy Weir: The hottest it gets on Mars is about 0 degrees celsius. And that's like high noon in the summer time on the equator. But at night it will get as low as minus 100 celsius.","Roger Launius: There is a fundamental problem that we're going to have to deal with in terms of a Mars mission that was never the case with the Apollo program, and that is the human body and how do we protect it for long, long periods in space and on the planet's surface. We are exceptionally fragile creatures. We are very well evolved to survive at sea level, on this planet and nowhere else.","Pasha Morshedi: In the absence of gravity lots of things can go wrong, your heart doesn't have to work as hard and so it becomes less effective, your brain has challenges, controls your movements, the body seems to be demineralizing your bones, these are all very important to study, not just because academically we wanna know, but because we wanna make sure that they're good to go when they hit the surface of Mars.","Peter Diamandis: So the physical challenges of getting to Mars is gonna be fun, right, you've been in a zero gravity environment for some eight months which is like being in bed for eight months, and then you reach the surface of Mars. Your coordination, your cardiovascular system, your respiratory system, all of that is all of a sudden under a gravitational load that was never there and so the question is will you be able to survive during this crucial time of arrival?","Amelie Durand: If we don't succeed, then we will have tried.","Ben Sawyer: For the last seven months, Daedalus had been our armor, shielding us from the harms of our journey, now we had nothing but our E.V.A. Suits to insulate us on the trip ahead.","Javier Delgado: We're still 16.2 kilometers away.","Hana Seung: We have to walk.","Marta Kamen: It's minus-35 degrees. It will be minus-70 by nightfall. We run out of battery, we freeze to death out there.","Ed Grann: Jesus.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Robert Foucault: Easy, easy.","Marta Kamen: We're not moving fast enough.","Javier Delgado: We can't stop.","Robert Foucault: We're averaging 3 kilometers per hour.","Amelie Durand: Ben, we can slow it down, let you catch your breath.","Ben Sawyer: No we can't.","We have to move faster.","Robert Foucault: We wanna make it by nightfall, we're gonna have to reroute across the dunes.","Marta Kamen: He's right.","Robert Foucault: Ok, ok, alright, come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Heavy breathing]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Amelie Durand: Ben?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Robert Foucault: One, two, three!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Hana Seung: Mae, battery report.","Mae: 21% power remaining, advise return to climate controlled environment.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Amelie Durand: Oh my god, Ben, Ben!","Ben, Ben!","[Coughing]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Charlotte Kelly: He's the type of guy that you'll really never know until you're close to him, he has a sense of humor.","You know, going a day without him cracking a joke it's kind of like you haven't said something that made me laugh today what's up?","John Grunsfeld: I think some people are genetically programmed to want to go somewhere to leave their home and explore. You know you have to be very comfortable, losing that connection to those you've left behind.","Jim Lovell: The type of person that you select to go to Mars has to have a family that understands the risk. My wife stayed home, hoping that I would not fall into some tragedy that I couldn't get out of, you have to have mental attitude of being prepared that something is going to happen.","Ann Druyan: When I think about space explorers I think of their willingness to be so heart wrenchingly torn from the earth and everyone they love and everyone they know, to go and do impossible things.","Interviewer: I wonder if you could tell me a little bit about your father?","Ben Sawyer: When I was a child my father and I would, would uh, build little models of the solar system and he taught me all about the stars and taught me how to find my way by the stars, I don't know, right from then I always wanted to be up there, you know?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Labored breathing]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Heavy breathing]","Mae: Entering auxiliary mode thermoregulation deprioritized, please return to a climate controlled environment and charge suit immediately.","Ed Grann: I don't want matrix, I want position.","How much longer before we hear something?","Ava: Including the delay and if they'd kept their projected pace.","Oliver: They should have arrived at base camp over an hour ago.","Joon Seung: Their suits would have shut down thermal regulation to prioritize oxygen and co2 scrubbing. The electrigel will have some residual heat.","Ava: They're in full night.","Oliver: Without power, they're gonna freeze out there.","[Coughing and grasping for air]","Amelie Durand: Ben, Ben?","Stop. Ben, Ben? He can't hear me, Hana, you're in command now.","Hana Seung: We've gotta keep moving. It's gotta be close. We're moving, let's go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ed Grann: How long till visual?","Computer: Satellites are still out of range audio and visual contact with crew is not possible until they reach the workshop module.","Robert Foucault: We should see a beacon by now.","Hana Seung: Horizon's closer here, we're in a valley.","Marta Kamen: I can't remember any songs...","Hana Seung: It's gotta be here.","Marta Kamen: Can anyone remember a song?","Hana Seung: We can't stop guys, we can't afford to stop.","Amelie Durand: Stay with me Ben.","Mae: Warning, your battery power is at 2%.","Co2 scrubbing is now compromised.","Javier Delgado: The air is going toxic. My vision is fading.","Hana Seung: One more hill, hurry.","Amelie Durand: You're doing great Ben, you're doing great. We're not very far. We're gonna make it Ben, we're gonna make it. We're not very far.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ben's father: If you try to draw the solar system on a piece of paper, the planets will be microscopic.","The only way you can get a sense of the scale is to build a model. It's a lot of work this space thing. Was it worth it?","Amelie Durand: He can't breathe! Where is the workshop?","Robert Foucault: It's there! Ah, come on.","Amelie Durand: We need to work fast.","Hana Seung: Come on!","Amelie Durand: Fast, get him in!","Mae: Pressurization complete.","Amelie Durand: Javier, pull his helmet and back pad very gently. Plug in his biometrics. We'll worry about the infection later. Get me the monitor and two large pour IVs, I'm cutting the kevlar to expose his torso.","Robert Foucault: I can see his heart rate climbing.","Amelie Durand: Dammit Ben there is blood in his left lung and pleural space! Get me a chest tube; We need to drain this now!","Hana Seung: Prepping the chest tube.","Amelie Durand: Get him 100 mikes of Fentanyl, he's going to feel this! Gloves. His blood pressure is too low. Scalpel. His heart is constricted by fluid.","Marta Kamen: Oxygen saturation is at 88%.","Amelie Durand: Clamp...","Hana Seung: Ben...","Amelie Durand: Chest tube. I'm inserting the tube now. We should see relief with symptoms. Start suction. Show me his vitals.","Hana Seung: Stay with me!","Amelie Durand: His blood pressure is still dropping, something else is wrong! I can't feel anything through his suit, I need to do another cut. Scalpel. His whole abdomen is full of blood, he has ruptured his spleen. Ben, stay with me! Prep for a laparotomy. I need to clamp up the blood supply and remove the spleen, hurry!","Hana Seung: We're not finished here Ben! Stay with me, come on!","Amelie Durand: We're losing him, we're losing him. Javier prep 1ml of...","[Distant overlapping chatter]","Joon Seung: I've got them.","Amelie Durand: I'm so tired joon, we're all so tired.","He knew what he was doing. He did it because he knew it was the best chance any of us had... I can barely believe he's still hanging on. Blood was obliterating the lung and pleural space in the left, diminishing lung capacity and preventing him from properly oxygenating. After evacuation of a large volume of blood and clot, his spleen was noted to be extensively damaged. I was able to safely remove it but his vital signs remain unstable and he's still in guarded condition. He lost so much blood, joon, it's impossible to say now if he lives, or... The only thing is to wait...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ann Druyan: I think sending humans to space is our latest expression of the ancient human practice called human sacrifice, but really in the service of something much greater.","David Dinges: The early astronauts were risk-takers.","They were brave people. They had been test pilots and flown in the early age of the jet engines, and more than a few of them died.","Mission control: Challenger now heading downrange.","[Explosion]","Obviously a major malfunction, we have no downlink.","Ronald Reagan: Sometimes painful things like this happen, it's all part of the process of exploration and discovery. The future doesn't belong to the faint hearted, it belongs to the brave.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scott Kelly: Having been up here for a year, I now realize that a year is longer than I though it was, cause I feel like I've lived my whole life up here.","In space I never feel completely normal. There's always something that is a little bit not right.","Pasha Morshedi: These astronauts when they put themselves at risk they're not just putting themselves at risk for the things that we know. These people are putting their bodies at risk in ways that we might not ever understand. For us, and for the human race.","Emily Nelson: We won't really know what the mission has done to him for years. As we continue to monitor him through time, and as we continue to see how the remainder of his aging process works out. We many not know for a long time exactly what he sacrificed.","Charlotte Kelly: I have small worries, you know I'm at school and someone calls me to the front desk it's like, is dad okay? But I have a lot of faith in the space program and I know they're safe, but there's always that um, idea that you had false hope and that there is a possibility.","Scott Kelly: Okay. Here, I'll put this headset on, hold on. How you doing?","Charlotte Kelly: Good, how are you doing?","Scott Kelly: You don't look very excited.","Charlotte Kelly: Of course I miss him.","[Laughs]","I miss him. I just don't know how to show that I miss him. Watching movies with him and just kind of hanging out. It's like the things that don't seem important at the time, but when it comes down to them being gone you realize they're the most important.","Scott Kelly: I saw your report card.","Charlotte Kelly: Yeah.","Scott Kelly: It was pretty good. You've gotta do better in Spanish, though.","Charlotte Kelly: Yeah, I know. I don't like other languages, and it's just hard.","Scott Kelly: Languages are just hard to learn, cause I've been studying Russian for like, I don't know, 18 years and there's no secret, it's just hard work.","Charlotte Kelly: For the last year of my life, he has missed me growing about four inches taller, me going into a new school, new friends. A lot. You know, he's sacrificing time on earth and life, in a sense.","Scott Kelly: Next time I see you Charlotte, you'll be at the bottom of the steps when I get off the airplane.","Charlotte Kelly: Yep, the first thing I'm gonna do when I see him is I'm gonna give him a giant bear hug because that's what he wants me to do.","Scott Kelly: I don't want the one-armed half hug. I want, I want the big bear hug... Both arms.","Charlotte Kelly: Two arms all the way around and squeeze him.","Scott Kelly: Yeah, just like that.","Charlotte Kelly: He's like planned it out for me, everything.","Announcer: Mikhail Korniyenko, Scott Kelly, Sergei Volkov on their way home.","Robert Zubrin: What is a good life that we should aspire to? Is a good life one that is enjoyed with pleasure and without risk or is a good life one that has a chance to achieve great deeds?","Scott Kelly: There's the immediate risk of the rocket blowing up. It's kinda like going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, while you're on fire. As soon as you realize you're not gonna die it's the most fun you've ever had.","[SCENE_BREAK]","We have to go to Mars. It'll require more sacrifice, more radiation, more risk, more time away.","[Cheering and applause]","I'd still do it, though.","Hana Seung: I will miss my sister, and I'll be worried that she's worried about me.","Joon Seung: I'm sorry, sir.","Ed Grann: I didn't hire you because I was convinced you could keep your feelings separate from this mission. I hired you because I knew you couldn't. Cause I needed someone who understands what I understand. For something like this to work, it has to be personal.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Grunting]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ben Sawyer: We dream.","It's who we are. Down to our bones, our cells. We'd come tens of millions of kilometers through the darkness. All of us prepared to sacrifice everything. Because we knew that making a home in this place was the only chance humanity had to go on dreaming. I thought I'd find you up here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Speaking Russian]","Marta Kamen: Farewell.","Hana Seung: He was gone. I was in command now. With Ben's strength to guide us, we had made the longest journey in the history of humankind. And I knew we had even further to go without him."],"Show Title":"Mars","Episode Number":"01x02","Episode Title":"Grounded","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Merlin_01x06.json","Recap":["Morgana falls ill with an unidentified brain disease which Gaius is unable to cure. A mysterious healer, Edwin, proves that his 'remedy to cure all ills' seemingly helps her, but actually removes the cursed black beetle that caused the illness. Uther retires Gaius and instates Edwin as the new court physician. Gaius secretly gets court archivist Geoffrey to give him access to the sealed records of Uther's purge of magic, proving Edwin's parents were executed as sorcerers. Edwin threatens to expose Merlin if Gaius tells Uther, leaving Gaius with an impossible choice. After consulting with the Great Dragon, Gaius decides to step down and leave Camelot (calling Merlin the 'son he never had'). Edwin uses another beetle to condemn Uther to an agonizing death. Gaius returns at the last minute, but it takes Merlin to save the day."],"Transcript":["\"In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name: Merlin.\" Laboratory Edwin pulls a bug out of a box.","Edwin: Bebeode \u00fee arisan ealdu. Edwin places the bug in some flowers. Morgana's Chambers Gwen enters with Edwin's flowers.","Gwen: Look what's just arrived for you.","Morgana: Who're they from?","Gwen: I don't know. Maybe Arthur.","Morgana: How disappointing.","Gwen: Why? Who'd you like them to be from?","Morgana: I don't know. Tall, dark stranger? Castle - Main Square\/Morgana's Chambers Edwin stands in the Square at night. Gwen puts out the candles in Morgana's Chambers.","Gwen: See you in the morning. Morgana falls asleep and the bug climbs out of the flowers and into Morgana's ear. Morgana's Chambers Gaius examines sleeping Morgana.","Gaius: Her body seems to have closed down.","Uther: Why? You don't have an answer do you? Nothing you've tried so far has worked. It's been nearly two days. And what do you know?","Gaius: I fear she may have some form of inflammation of the brain.","Uther: What could cause such a thing?","Gaius: An infection, possibly. Rest assured, I will do everything in my power to cure her, Sire. Griffin Staircase Gaius is descending the curved stairs from Morgana's Chambers. Gwen meets him.","Gwen: Is she any better? Gaius shakes his head. Gwen climbs the stairs as Gaius descends and meets Merlin on the landing.","Gaius: She's all but dead, Merlin.","Merlin: No, you're going to cure her. You have to.","Gaius: Don't you start. I've tried everything.","Merlin: I was wondering...","Gaius: What?","Merlin: Maybe I could... Merlin waits for a guard to pass by.","Merlin: ...help.","Gaius: If you're suggesting magic...have you forgotten what happened with Gwen's father? This is not a magical illness, it must be cured by conventional means. We keep trying. See if you can find me some fresh rosemary.","Merlin: There must be something more I can do.","Gaius: And yarrow. Castle - Main Square Edwin waits as Arthur comes out to meet him.","Arthur: What's your business here?","Edwin: My name is Edwin Muirden, and I have a remedy to cure all ills.","Arthur: Is that so?","Edwin: I beg an audience with the King.","Arthur: Our court has a physician. Arthur begins to walk away.","Edwin: I hear the Lady Morgana was gravely ill. Arthur stops and turns.","Arthur: That is no concern of yours.","Edwin: I might be able to help her.","Arthur: Our physician has the matter in hand. Arthur continues walking.","Edwin: I will be at the inn, in case you change your mind. Arthur's Chambers Arthur sits in a chair while Merlin paces.","Merlin: It's gonna be alright. It is. I know it is. She's gonna be absolutely...","Arthur: Merlin.","Merlin: What?","Arthur: You're making me anxious.","Merlin: But I'm not worried.","Arthur: Then stop pacing. Merlin sits down, but then starts tapping his fingers on the table. Arthur gets up and starts pacing. Morgana's Chambers","Gaius: I cannot preserve her life for much longer. She has hours, maybe less.","Arthur: We cannot let her die!","Uther: Arthur, please.","Arthur: There's a man, he came to the castle yesterday. He claims he can cure her.","Uther: That's ridiculous. He doesn't know what's wrong with her.","Arthur: He says he has a remedy that can cure all ills.","Gaius: Impossible.","Arthur: Well, for Morgana's sake, surely we should at least hear him out. I mean, what've we got to lose? Please, Father.","Gaius: Probably some charlatan hoping for a quick shilling.","Arthur: I don't care! If she's about to die, what harm can it do? Give him his shilling! If there's one chance in a million he can save her, then why not?","Uther: Send for him. Castle - Council Chamber Of Doom Uther, Gaius, and Arthur enter. Edwin drops to one knee and hands Uther a roll of parchment.","Edwin: Edwin Muirden, Sire. Physician and loyal servant.","Uther: Welcome to Camelot.","Gaius: Have we met before?","Edwin: I doubt you would forget a face like mine, sir.","Uther: Do you really believe you have a remedy?","Edwin: There are not many ills that I have not seen and successfully treated, Sire. So when I heard of the Lady Morgana's sickness, I felt honour bound to offer my services.","Gaius: You say you have a cure for all? An antidote for everything?","Edwin: Yes. Although it is not quite as simple as that.","Uther: Gaius is the court physician.","Edwin: You are indeed a legend, sir. I am delighted to meet you. I am curious to know what it is that has affected her.","Gaius: An infection of the brain.","Edwin: And your treatment?","Gaius: Yarrow.","Edwin: Yes, yes.","Gaius: Rosemary to stimulate cerebral circulation.","Edwin: Interesting.","Arthur: Why? What would you suggest?","Edwin: No, no, no, that is all fine. All good. If that is... the right diagnosis.","Uther: What would your diagnosis be?","Edwin: Well, without examining the patient...","Arthur: He should examine her.","Edwin: I would need my equipment.","Uther: Of course. You'll have use of one of the guest chambers.","Arthur: And consider my manservant at your disposal.","Edwin: I will start work immediately. Edwin's Guest Chamber Merlin sets down some of Edwin's equipment.","Edwin: Yes...it was all originally designed for alchemy.","Merlin: Making gold?","Edwin: You have an interest in science?","Merlin: Well, science is knowledge.","Edwin: It has the answers to everything.","Merlin: Maybe. It can't explain love.","Edwin: So, you are in love?","Merlin: No. I mean feelings, emotions.","Edwin: You seem too bright to be just a servant.","Merlin: Oh, don't be fooled, I'm not that bright.","Edwin: Yes, we will need that. Now, we must hurry to the Lady Morgana. before it is too late. Morgana's Chambers Merlin and Edwin walk across the Square to Morgana's Chambers where Arthur and Uther are waiting.","Edwin: Put my equipment over there. Sire, I would be grateful if you could have everyone leave the room. I require peace and privacy.","Uther: Certainly.","Edwin: That includes you, Gaius.","Gaius: But I am eager to learn from your methods.","Edwin: Now is not the time for giving instruction. I will need all my concentration.","Uther: Gaius... Everyone leaves and Edwin pulls out the bug box. Gwen enters as he's about to take the bug out of Morgana. He stops and turns on her.","Edwin: Why are you spying on me?","Gwen: I wasn't. I'm her maidservant.","Edwin: Then bring me some water.","Gwen: Someone should be with her.","Edwin: Do you want to be responsible for her death?","Gwen: No, but...","Edwin: Then you will bring me some water. Now. Or she may die. Gwen leaves.","Edwin: Bebeode \u00fee arisan \u00e1blinnen. Edwin pulls out the bug, dabs Morgana's bloody ear with a small cloth, and puts the bug back in the box with the others. Castle - Griffin Staircase Edwin descends the curved stairs to meet Uther, Arthur, Merlin, and Gaius.","Edwin: Great news, Your Majesty. You will be glad to hear it is not an inflammation of the brain.","Uther: What is it then?","Edwin: It is cerebral haemorrhage.","Gaius: Haemorrhage? I don't think so.","Edwin: I found this trace of blood in her ear. Edwin shows them the bloody cloth.","Uther: God in heaven.","Edwin: The severity depends upon the site and volume of the bleed. If not treated, it can lead to coma, and eventually death.","Uther: How could you have missed this?","Gaius: I didn't see any blood.","Edwin: Please. Just thank the fates that you did not administer more rosemary to stimulate the circulation. Can you imagine what that might have done? Uther turns to Gaius for explanation.","Gaius: It may have increased the bleed.","Uther: Is there a cure?","Edwin: See for yourself. Morgana's Chambers","Uther: Morgana, this is truly a miracle. Uther kisses her forehead.","Uther: I thought... I really thought...","Morgana: Oh, you won't get rid of me that easily.","Gaius: What exactly did he give you?","Morgana: I have no idea. But thank heaven he did. Castle - Central Corridor Gaius approaches Edwin as he walks down Corridor.","Gaius: Edwin. I want to offer you my congratulations.","Edwin: Thank you.","Gaius: She was all but dead and you brought her back to life. How exactly did you do that?","Edwin: I have developed an elixir for the treatment of just such an ailment.","Gaius: I'd love to know the ingredients.","Edwin: It is not yet perfected. You must give me more time before I make it public.","Gaius: The injury to your face?","Edwin: It happened when I was very young.","Gaius: Perhaps it was I that treated you for it.","Edwin: I told you before, we've never met.","Gaius: Yes, of course. Well, I'll leave you to your work. Castle - Council Chamber Of Doom Edwin stands before Uther, Arthur, and Morgana.","Uther: Name your reward.","Edwin: I desire nothing more than the good health of my patient, Sire.","Uther: There must be something I can do for you.","Edwin: No. I will wait until the Lady Morgana is fully recovered, and then I will be on my way.","Uther: Why don't you stay awhile? You could live here in the palace.","Edwin: No. I - I feel I would be trespassing. And you already have a court physician.","Gaius: I'm sure Gaius would be glad of your help.","Edwin: It is a kind offer, but...","Uther: Think about it. Dine with me later. Give me your decision then.","Edwin: To dine with Your Majesty would be reward in itself. Edwin bows. Castle - Hall Of Records Gaius approaches Geoffrey of Monmouth.","Geoffrey: Gaius!","Gaius: Geoffrey. I'm here to ask a favour of you.","Geoffrey: Well, anything for an old friend.","Gaius: I wish to see the court records from the time of the Great Purge.","Geoffrey: What possible need can you have for those?","Gaius: I fear that the past may have come back to haunt us.","Geoffrey: All the more reason to keep the records hidden.","Gaius: I know that neither of us want to remember that time, but this is a matter of great urgency.","Geoffrey: The records are sealed, they cannot be opened. Uther has forbidden it.","Gaius: Geoffrey, I beg of you.","Geoffrey: I'm sorry, Gaius. This time you ask too much. Even for me. Edwin's Guest Chamber Merlin knocks.","Merlin: Edwin? Merlin enters the room and examines Edwin's equipment. He opens the bug box. They're still. He closes it reads the inscription on the cover.","Merlin: Bebeode \u00fee arisan ealdu. Merlin opens the box to see the bugs moving.","Edwin: Very good. Merlin turns around, knocking over a jar with powder in it. he hands the box to Edwin.","Edwin: Swefn. The bugs go still.","Edwin: You have magic.","Merlin: It wasn't me, I didn't do anything.","Edwin: Then how else did you bring them to life? Only magic can do such a thing. These little angels are how I cured Lady Morgana. They repaired the damage to her brain. They saved her life. Magic can be a force for good.","Merlin: I know.","Edwin: Then why do you fear it?","Merlin: Uther has banned it, it's not permitted.","Edwin: Should I have let Morgana die?","Merlin: No.","Edwin: People like us, we have a gift. Do you not think it should be used to make this a better world?","Merlin: Perhaps. Merlin tries to clear up the powder he spilled.","Edwin: Don't waste your time picking that up. Feormian d\u00e6rst r\u00e9nian. The powder goes back in the jar.","Edwin: Why waste a talent like that? And I can teach you.","Merlin: R\u01fddan \u00e1sce g\u00e9atan The jar pours the powder into a bowl.","Edwin: What do you use this for?","Merlin: Gaius doesn't like me to.","Edwin: A gift like yours should be nurtured, practised, enjoyed. You need someone to help you, to encourage you.","Merlin: Perhaps.","Edwin: Imagine what we could achieve, if we shared our knowledge.","Merlin: I should be getting back.","Edwin: Of course. But you must promise to keep our secret safe.","Merlin: Of course.","Edwin: People like you and I, we must look after each other. Gaius's Chambers Someone knocks.","Gaius: Come in. Geoffrey of Monmouth enters with a large book covered in a cloth.","Geoffrey: Gaius, you've been a good friend to me over the years, and you've done me many kindnesses. I can't deny you this one request.","Gaius: The records?","Geoffrey: I know you wouldn't ask unless it was important.","Gaius: You must believe me, there's a great deal at stake.","Geoffrey: If Uther were to discover this, he would kill us both.","Gaius: It is for Uther's sake that I make the request. Trust me, please. Geoffrey hands Gaius the book.","Gaius: Thank you, old friend. Castle - Council Chamber Of Doom Uther dines with Edwin.","Uther: It's unlike Gaius to miss something like this.","Edwin: We all make mistakes.","Uther: Gaius is a great physician.","Edwin: The very best. This is what I don't understand.","Uther: What?","Edwin: It's not for me to speak out of turn.","Uther: You saved the life of my ward; you may speak as you wish.","Edwin: He has been prescribing sleeping draughts for Morgana.","Uther: She suffers from bad dreams.","Edwin: Yes. But the dreams should have been a warning.","Uther: You think the two may be connected?","Edwin: Oh, yes.","Uther: A symptom of the illness?","Edwin: I am certain of it, yes. And those potions, they masked the problem, and allowed it to develop to the point where...","Uther: She nearly died. If you hadn't come along when you did.","Edwin: But I did and that is all that matters. Her life was saved... in the nick of time.","Uther: Will you undertake a review of his work? Just to be on the safe side.","Edwin: If it would put your mind at rest, Sire. Gaius's Chambers Gaius continues to read.","Merlin: Have you been up all night?","Gaius: Yes, but it was worth it. Where are you going?","Merlin: Er, I told Edwin I'd be up at dawn to collect some supplies.","Gaius: Well, you better get a move on then. Edwin's Guest Chambers Gaius enters.","Gaius: Edwin. Your scar has healed well. I often wondered what happened to that poor young boy.","Edwin: I told you we've never met before. I didn't realise who you were until I checked the records. You used your mother's maiden name. You are Gregor and Jaden's son.","Edwin: They were friends of yours.","Gaius: They were sorcerers.","Edwin: They practised magic. And so did a lot of people back then, Gaius.","Gaius: Uther will be furious when he finds out who you are.","Edwin: Fine. Fine. Shall we tell him? Let's go and tell him. Let's tell him. Let's tell him everything. Ooh, I know... We could also tell him about Merlin.","Gaius: Merlin?","Edwin: You didn't know he was a sorcerer? Ah. I wonder what Uther will do. Probably have him burnt.","Gaius: You would betray another sorcerer?","Edwin: You did. When you turned a blind eye and let my parents die at the hands of Uther! At least Merlin doesn't have a son who will try to rescue him from the flames!","Gaius: You're here to take revenge.","Edwin: And I have waited a long time.","Gaius: You think I will sacrifice the King to save Merlin?","Edwin: Think about it, Gaius. But if I find out that you have told one other person, including the boy, I will go straight to Uther. Merlin enters.","Merlin: I got your provisions.","Edwin: Oh, thank you, Merlin. Gaius was just reminiscing about old times, weren't you, Gaius?","Gaius: Yes.","Edwin: But now, I must get back to work. Castle - Central Corridor","Merlin: I'd better get on with my errands.","Gaius: Yes, of course, you must.","Merlin: Do you want me to get you anything?","Gaius: No, I'm fine. Just do what Edwin asks. Castle - Council Chamber Of Doom Edwin stands before Uther, Morgana, and Arthur.","Edwin: I have been through the court medical records with a fine-tooth comb, Sire.","Uther: And were your findings satisfactory?","Edwin: With regret, I would have to say they were not.","Uther: How so?","Edwin: Gaius is a great man, thorough, and dedicated.","Uther: But? Edwin sighs.","Edwin: His methods are outdated. He has failed to keep up with the latest developments. This has led to a number of errors.","Uther: Gaius has served me well for 25 years.","Edwin: And one cannot blame him for the infirmity those years have brought. Age can be a terrible curse.","Uther: Perhaps it is time to lighten his burdens. Have you given any more thought to my offer?","Edwin: Yes. I have considered it very carefully.","Uther: Allow me some time to do the same. Edwin bows and exits. Uther gets up and goes to the table for a drink. Morgana follows him.","Morgana: Uther, you can't do this.","Uther: You heard what he said. Gaius is old, he makes mistakes.","Morgana: Gaius has treated me since before I can remember. You can't cast him out.","Uther: You would have died if your care had been left to him. That's something I could not bear.","Morgana: I know that, but ...","Uther: I cannot risk something like this happening again. Merlin's Chambers Gaius watches Merlin in his sleep. Gaius goes down the Tunnel Corridor to the Dragon's Cave with a torch.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dragon's Cave","Gaius: Hello? It is me, Gaius. The dragon flies up to the rock by the entrance.","Kilgharrah: How old a man can become and yet change so little.","Gaius: You have not changed either.","Kilgharrah: Twenty years, almost a lifetime to make the short journey back to where you began.","Gaius: I'm not here for myself.","Kilgharrah: The boy?","Gaius: You know about Merlin?","Kilgharrah: You have struggled against his destiny, but you can no more prevent it than he can.","Gaius: So, it is true then?","Kilgharrah: Oh yes. He and the young Pendragon one day will unite the land of Albion.","Gaius: But he is in danger.","Kilgharrah: No. It is my gaoler who stands in peril.","Gaius: Must Uther be sacrificed for the boy?","Kilgharrah: Their time cannot come until his is past.","Gaius: But is that time now? The dragon chuckles darkly.","Kilgharrah: That is of your choosing.","Gaius: I will not choose between them.","Kilgharrah: Then turn a blind eye. That is, after all, your talent. Gaius's Chambers Gaius sits and ponders.","Arthur: Gaius, my father needs to speak to you.","Gaius: When?","Arthur: Immediately. Castle - Council Chamber Of Doom","Gaius: Sire. Is there a problem? Are you unwell?","Uther: This is not an ailment you can treat me for. You've been a loyal servant for many years. I look on you as a friend.","Gaius: I regard you in the same way, Sire.","Uther: You've been here since Arthur's birth. And all that entailed. What I'm trying to do I think is best for you.","Gaius: I'm confused, Sire.","Uther: I'll give you a generous allowance; make sure you're looked after.","Gaius: You're retiring me?","Uther: I don't want you to worry. I'll allow you to continue living in your chambers until more suitable accommodation can be found.","Gaius: Because I made one mistake? Although in truth, Sire, it was not a mistake. Gaius sees Edwin creep out from behind a column.","Gaius: It was...","Edwin: Yes Gaius?","Uther: It was unfortunate, I accept that.","Gaius: May I ask who is to be the next court physician?","Uther: None of this was Edwin's idea. Initially, he turned down the offer.","Gaius: I'm sure.","Uther: It's not been an easy decision, but .... the younger man, new ideas.","Gaius: Yes.","Uther: You're hesitant. Is there a reason you oppose his appointment?","Gaius: Sire...","Edwin: If you have anything to say, then say it now, Gaius.","Uther: This is difficult for both of us.","Gaius: I thank you for your patronage. It has been an honour and a pleasure to serve your family, for all these years. Gaius's Chambers Merlin enters while Gaius is packing.","Merlin: Gaius! Uther cannot do this to you. You tried to save Morgana.","Gaius: Uther's not to blame.","Merlin: I will speak to Edwin, you can work together.","Gaius: No, you mustn't do anything.","Merlin: I can't stand by and do nothing.","Gaius: Uther's right. It's time I stepped down. Merlin sees him packing.","Merlin: What are you doing?","Gaius: I cannot stay when there's no longer a use for me.","Merlin: You're not leaving?","Gaius: I believe it's for the best.","Merlin: Then I will come with you.","Gaius: Merlin, you're like a son to me. I never expected such a blessing so late in life.","Merlin: And you are more than a father to me.","Gaius: Then, as a father, I must tell you, you must remain here. Camelot is where you belong.","Merlin: But you belong here too.","Gaius: Not anymore. Merlin, you must promise me you will not waste your gifts.","Merlin: My gifts mean nothing without you to guide me.","Gaius: You have a great destiny. If I have had a small part to play in that, then I'm pleased.","Merlin: There is so much I have yet to learn. I need you to teach me.","Gaius: I'm afraid I am leaving here tonight, Merlin. And there's nothing you can do or say that can persuade me otherwise.","Merlin: I will not let this happen. Merlin exits.","Gaius: Goodbye, Merlin. Training Grounds Merlin watches Arthur practice.","Merlin: I can't understand why Uther would sack him over one mistake.","Arthur: A mistake that nearly killed Morgana. Besides, it wasn't the only one.","Merlin: What do you mean?","Arthur: Edwin said his work was riddled with errors.","Merlin: That's nonsense.","Arthur: No one wants Gaius to go, but my father's made his decision. There's nothing anyone can do. Castle - Corridor Uther walks with Edwin in the castle.","Uther: I think you'll be very happy here.","Edwin: I'm sure I will. When I reviewed Gaius's work, I noticed that he's been prescribing you arnica.","Uther: It's for, er, my shoulder, it's an old battle wound. It gives me a lot of pain.","Edwin: May I take the liberty of providing a new prescription? It should prove far more effective.","Uther: Really?","Edwin: Oh, yes. It is a remedy to cure all ills. Camelot - Lower Town Gwen sees Gaius lead a horse out of the main gate while she buys fruit from a stall.","Gwen: Gaius? You're leaving?","Gaius: Yes, I'm sorry I didn't come and say goodbye.","Gwen: I don't want you to go. I don't trust Edwin. There was no blood in Morgana's ear, he put it there. He did something to her, I know he did.","Gaius: You need to be careful who you say that to.","Gwen: I'm saying it to you because you can do something about it.","Gaius: I can't.","Gwen: But you think the same, don't you? He's evil.","Gaius: It's not that simple.","Gwen: So you're going to turn your back on us?","Gaius: I have no choice, I'm sorry Gwen.","Gwen: In life you always have a choice. Sometimes it's easier to think that you don't.","Gaius: Well, then. My choice is to leave.","Gwen: Then I'll miss you. Gwen kisses Gaius on the cheek.","Gwen: Goodbye Gaius. Uther's Chambers Uther drinks a potion and passes out on the bed. Forest Gaius sits by a campfire in the woods. Uther's Chambers Edwin leans over Uther's bed as Uther wakes from his drug induced sleep.","Edwin: My Lord. My Lord. It seems the drugs I gave you have taken hold. Your body is now paralysed. Now, open your eyes, My Lord. I want my face to be the last face you ever see. You took my childhood from me. And now finally, I take my parents' revenge. Within a few hours, the beetle will eat into your brain. And you will suffer, as they suffered. And I long to hear you scream, as they screamed the night you gave the order for the fires to be lit. With your death, magic will return to Camelot. Bebeode \u00fee arisan ealdu. The bug crawls into Uther's ear.","Edwin: Goodbye, Uther Pendragon. Edwin's Guest Quarters Edwin enters.","Gaius: I will not allow you to kill Uther.","Edwin: You've never had a problem letting people die before.","Gaius: Your parents were practising dark magic, just like you.","Edwin: And how do you propose to stop me?","Gaius: W\u00e1ce ierlic. Nothing happens.","Edwin: Hmm. I think you meant: vaki ierlt. The spell throws Gaius against the wall.","Edwin: Have you forgotten everything, Gaius? You're getting too old. I have a cure though. Forb\u00e6rne yfel. The spell encircles Gaius in flames. Castle - Griffin Staircase Arthur runs in as Merlin descends the curved stairs.","Arthur: Merlin! My father has Morgana's illness! We must find Edwin! Edwin's Guest Chamber Merlin bursts in.","Merlin: What are you doing?","Gaius: He was trying to kill the King. I couldn't let him.","Edwin: I can rule the kingdom now. And with you at my side, we can be all-powerful.","Merlin: Release him!","Edwin: It's your loss, Merlin. Edwin's spell throws an axe at Merlin, but Merlin stops it.","Edwin: Swilte, Merlin. Merlin's magic overpowers Edwin's. Merlin sends the axe to kill Edwin and the flames disappear.","Merlin: Are you alright?","Gaius: Yes. Thank you Merlin. Merlin fetches the bug box.","Gaius: What are you doing?","Merlin: Uther's ill; the same thing Morgana had. Edwin said he used these to cure Morgana. Maybe we can too.","Gaius: Elanthia beetles.","Merlin: They're magical?","Gaius: Yes. They can be enchanted to enter the brain, feed on it until they devour the person's very soul. We must going to him. Uther's Chambers (Night)","Merlin: How do we get the beetle out before it kills him?","Gaius: It can only be magic.","Merlin: We can't use magic on Uther, he'd kill us.","Gaius: We don't have a choice.","Merlin: Gaius!","Gaius: There are times when it is necessary. It is your right.","Merlin: I don't know how.","Gaius: If you don't, he's going to die. Merlin sits on the bed and places his hands over Uther's ears.","Merlin: Bebeode \u00fee arisan ealdu. \u00c1blinnen.","Gaius: What's happening? Merlin pulls his hands back, holding the still bug in his hand.","Gaius: Has anyone ever told you, you're a genius?","Merlin: You certainly haven't. Uther's Chambers (Day) Gaius prepares a potion for Uther the next morning.","Gaius: Drink this. It'll help regain your strength.","Uther: There's nothing wrong with my strength. Do you remember them? His parents?","Gaius: I remember them all, Sire.","Uther: Gaius. Once again, you saved my life. You've always served me well. And I know there are things that I've asked you to do, which you found difficult.","Gaius: You've always done what you believe to be right.","Uther: I was not right to betray you. I'm sorry. From now on I will remember that, in the fight against magic, you are the one person I can trust. Castle - Council Chamber Of Doom Gaius stands before the royal court.","Uther: I, my family, and my kingdom are deeply indebted to you. And in honour of this, I not only reinstate you as court physician, but henceforth, you are a free man of Camelot. Uther hands Gaius a roll of parchment and the court applauds. Camelot - Lower Town","Gaius: Of course, it's all ridiculous. I didn't save Uther, you did.","Merlin: No, no. For once, I'm happy for someone else to take the credit. You were prepared to sacrifice your life to save me.","Gaius: Where do you get that from?","Merlin: I thought...","Gaius: No. I didn't do anything. You saved me and you saved Uther. Maybe you are a genius.","Merlin: You think so?","Gaius: Well, almost. One day."],"Show Title":"Merlin","Episode Number":"01x06","Episode Title":"A Remedy to Cure All Ills","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Merlin_03x02.json","Recap":["With Merlin gravely ill from the Serket's poison, Morgana and Morgause continue with their evil plan. They have mentally incapacitated Uther and convinced his enemy, Cenred, to invade Camelot. The fate of the kingdom now rests on Arthur's shoulders. The Prince and his Knights resist the invaders, but Cenred's soldiers are not the only threat they face. Morgana invokes a dead army that cannot be killed by normal means. Merlin fights Morgana and destroys her magical artifact, forcing Cenred to withdraw. But Morgana manages to make Uther believe it was her doing, and she's hailed as the heroine of the battle."],"Transcript":["Dragon's den Merlin is lying on the ground, shivering with fever.","Merlin: I didn't think you'd answer my call.","Kilgharrah: Merlin, I could not resist a Dragon Lord, even if I wanted to.","Merlin: I'm grateful. Thank you. Merlin tries to move, moaning with pain.","Kilgharrah: Lie still.","Merlin: Ow, my head.","Kilgharrah: The Serket's poison is powerful. I have given you an enchantment that will help you heal. But it will take time.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gaius's chambers","Arthur: Where is that half-wit?","Gaius: Merlin?","Arthur: I've got no socks, no breeches and an archery session to go to. Merlin!","Gaius: I thought he was with you, sire.","Arthur: Don't try to cover for him!","Gaius: He didn't come home last night, I can't find him.","Arthur: Well, when you do, you can tell him he's the target.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Morgana sneaks through the castle and peeks around the corner at some guards. She sets fire to some brush and places it in a hole in the wall to fill the corridor with smoke. The guards leave the corridor. Morgana sneaks through to the King's chambers, wraps a string around the mandrake root and strangles it several times. Each time the root screams and Uther is more and more terrified.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dragon's den Merlin is waking up.","Merlin: You shouldn't have let me sleep.","Kilgharrah: I had no choice young warlock. The venom was too strong even for your great powers.","Merlin: I don't have time, I need to go back to Camelot. Merlin stands up with difficulty.","Merlin: The Kingdom is in danger and... it's my fault. I should have listened to you. I should have never trusted Morgana.","Kilgharrah: You did what you felt was right and that shows great courage. But trust is a double-edged sword.","Merlin: I thought because she has magic, I thought ... we were the same.","Kilgharrah: In some ways, you are.","Merlin: No. I will never be like her.","Kilgharrah: You have learnt an important lesson, Merlin. Your determination to see goodness in people will be your undoing. But I fear that your futures are now joined forever. She is the darkness to your light, the hatred to your love.","Merlin: I need to get back to Camelot.","Kilgharrah: You're not yet fully recovered, Merlin, and it's more than three days walk.","Merlin (smiling): I've no intention of walking.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Merlin is flying on the Dragon's back (Reference to the Titanic movie)","Merlin: Woooo..... wooooooo! The dragon drops Merlin off in a field close to Camelot.","Kilgharrah: This is as far as I go.","Merlin: Thank you. I won't forget this.","Kilgharrah: Be careful, young warlock. The great battle of Camelot has begun. You must be strong, for Arthur's destiny and the future of Albion lie in your hands. The dragon flies away.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gaius's chambers Gaius is asleep. Merlin shakes Gaius to wake him up.","Merlin: You need to wake up.","Gaius: Merlin? Where have you been?","Merlin: I don't have time to explain.","Gaius: Are you all right?","Merlin: Morgana is in league with Morgause, she's plotting against Uther.","Gaius: What?","Merlin: She's responsible for his visions. Come on, hurry up. There is something I need to show you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Uther's chambers The room is in a chaos, Uther is crouched in a corner.","Gaius: Uther... Uther! Uther clings desperately to Gaius while he stares over Gaius's shoulder. Uther sees Ygraine; she looks like a sopping ghost, with five drowned children in the middle of the room","Soaking ghost: Please! Merlin rushes to the bed, removes the root, and throws it into the fire. The mandrake screams in the fire.","Gaius: It was an enchantment, sire. You need to rest. Merlin and Gaius carry Uther on his bed.","Gaius: Please drink this, sire. It will help you to sleep.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gaius's chambers","Merlin: We must tell Uther what Morgana has done.","Gaius: Are you mad? He'd have both heads if we made such accusations, he'd look on it as treason.","Merlin: We can't let her go away with it!","Gaius: He dotes on her every word, Merlin.","Merlin: But if he knew...","Gaius: You've seen how blind he is to her faults. Besides, the root is gone now. It can do no more harm.","Merlin: No, you don't understand. I heard Morgana and Morgause, there's more to their plan, I'm sure of it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In a cave Morgause is looking in a crystal. Cenred's armies are marching towards Camelot. Sir Leon and a patrol are looking at the scene from the top of a hill.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arthur's chambers Merlin is opening the curtains. He discovers that the room is in a total mess.","Merlin: What happened?!","Arthur: What happened? I've has to make do without a servant, that's what happened!","Merlin: I wasn't gone for that long!","Arthur: Without my permission.","Merlin: What if I was dying?","Arthur: I wouldn't be complaining. But you're not. So where've you been?","Merlin: I was dying.","Arthur: I don't have time for this! The future of a kingdom rests upon my shoulders. Do you have any idea what that feels like?","Merlin: Well...","Arthur: Merlin! I should have you thrown in the dungeons, so what have you got to say for yourself?","Merlin: You've not had your breakfast this morning have you?","Arthur: I'll have you for breakfast. Arthur starts throwing things at Merlin's head.","Merlin: It's no wonder this place is a mess. Oh yes, I can see you've got the makings of a great king (!). Arthur throws another object and Merlin ducks out of the room.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Morgana's chambers","Gwen: May I clear away the dishes, my lady? Morgana stares out the window, Arthur and Merlin are walking in the castle courtyard.","Gwen: Morgana?","Morgana: I was thinking about what to wear. She looks through the window again.","Morgana: I must dress.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Uther's chambers Morgana is looking for the root under the bed.","Gaius: Have you lost something my lady?","Morgana: My earring. I thought I might have dropped it while I was here yesterday. How is he?","Gaius: Much better. We found the source of his sickness. He was being enchanted.","Morgana: Enchanted?","Gaius: You need not to worry my lady. He'll make a full recovery.","Morgana: That is a relief.","Gaius: Indeed, my lady.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Merlin is walking in a corridor. Suddenly, he is violently grabbed by the wrist. It's Morgana.","Morgana: I don't know how you managed to escape but I do know one thing. If you breathe a word of what you saw, I will make your life a very short and painful one. Just think how Uther would react if he learnt that a serving boy tried to poison his beloved ward.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Camelot's patrol is rushing back to the fortress.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Council chamber","Sir Leon: I estimate they will reach the city within two days.","Arthur: Under whose banner do they march?","Sir Leon: Cenred's, sire. We knew he was amassing an army...","Arthur: How many men?","Sir Leon: 20,000, maybe more.","Gaius: I feel the king's illness has spread beyond our borders. Cenred sees the opportunity.","Sir Leon: Then we must find a way to appease him.","Arthur: My father wouldn't bow to his enemies.","Gaius: Forgive me sire, we are outnumbered, two to one.","Arthur: What concessions will Cenred insist on? What territories will he demand?","Gaius: We do not have to give him anything but it could buy valuable time.","Arthur: It shows weakness, Gaius. There is only one course of action open to us. We must prepare the city for siege.","Sir Leon: Are you sure this is wise?","Arthur: The castle is our strongest weapon. No army has ever taken Camelot.","Sir Leon: What about the people in the outlying villages?","Arthur: Give them refuge within the city walls.","Sir Leon: And what of their houses, their livelihoods? Cenred will destroy everything in his path.","Arthur: But they will have their lives. Go. Ready the army.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Open gallery, castle courtyard","Merlin: You did well in there. I mean it. I was impressed. We're talking siege engines, battering rams, catapults... you made a tough decision. You're risking...","Arthur: Do you know what?","Merlin: What?","Arthur: I'd really prefer it if you'd just kept quiet in these situations.","Merlin: I'm just trying to help.","Arthur: Well, you're not.","Merlin: I know you don't mean that, you're just worried. But you don't need to be. Look at what you've got.","Arthur: What?","Merlin: You and...me.","Arthur: Merlin, what exactly are YOU going to do?","Merlin: I'm going to be at your side like I always am. Protecting you.","Arthur: God help me!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Countryside","Cenred: My dear Morgause.","Morgause: Cenred.","Cenred: My army shall be here by nightfall. Morgause smiles.","Cenred: I'm glad that pleases you.","Morgause: I'll wait to see if you deliver before I say that I am pleased.","Cenred: And when I do?","Morgause: Then I will give you a feast that you will never forget.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arthur's chambers (Knock at the door)","Gwen: I'm sorry, I didn't mean...","Arthur: No. Come in. Please.","Gwen: How is your father?","Arthur: I could do with him here.","Gwen: You should have more confidence in yourself.","Arthur: What are the people saying?","Gwen: They are glad that you have taken charge.","Arthur: I've committed them to a siege. There's going to be casualties, Gwen.","Gwen: I trust you, Arthur. More than Uther, more than any man. Worry is not a wise counsel. Forget everything else, you have to follow what you believe is right. Arthur places his hand over Gwen's. Gwen looks up at him and steps back","Gwen: I should go, sire.","Arthur: There's no need to call me that.","Gwen: There is every need... SIRE. Gwen leaves the room.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Castle staircase Morgana is watching the soldiers, preparing for the siege before she sneaks out of the city","[SCENE_BREAK]","In the woods","Morgana: Where have you been?","Morgause: What's wrong sister?","Morgana: It's Merlin. He's alive, he's back in Camelot. He has thwarted us. He destroyed the mandrake root. Your enchantment has been broken.","Morgause: Do not worry. The root has already done its work and Cenred's army are less than a day from the city.","Morgana: Then it is time.","Morgause: Are you ready? Morgana, Cenred's army are mighty, but they cannot bring down the city on their own. You too, must play your part.","Morgana: Tell me what I must do. Morgause holds out a staff","Morgause: It was carved from the rowan tree that grows at the very heart of the Isle of the Blessed. Only the High Priestesses and their Bloodguards have ever set eyes on it.","Morgana: My magic is still too weak. I do not have the strength to wield such an instrument.","Morgause: Do not worry. The staff will guide you. It carries its own power.","Morgana: I will not fail you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Flows of peasants are walking into Camelot.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Griffin staircase Merlin is dragging heavy bags.","Arthur: Merlin, where have you been? I've been calling for you.","Merlin: Gathering provisions. 25 salted cod, 15 dried capers, and one smoked boar.","Arthur: What on earth for?","Merlin: We're preparing for a siege.","Arthur: Yes, not a banquet.","Merlin: You know what you're like without food. We could be trapped in here for weeks, months, even. Look what I've got for your breakfast. Your favourite... Pickled eggs.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In the other staircase, soldiers continue to prepare for the siege. Arthur walks through the infirmary giving instructions to Sir Leon. Arthur catches sight of Gwen and nods.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Courtyard gallery","Arthur: Has everyone from the outlying villages been given shelter?","Sir Leon: As best as we can, Sire. They amount to almost 9,000 so far, but they're still coming.","Arthur: How long will our provisions last?","Leon: Depends, sire, on losses sustained.","Arthur: And Cenred?","Sir Leon: Our scouts report he'll be upon us a matter of hours.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Uther's chambers Arthur sits by his father's bedside. Merlin comes in.","Merlin: Sire. It's time. Arthur gets up and places his hand on his sleeping father.","Arthur: I promise, I won't let you down.","[SCENE_BREAK]","On the battlements, Arthur and Merlin look out at the enemy. Then Arthur leads his knights past his army in the courtyard. In a lower chamber, Arthur steels himself as his knights prepare their weapons.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arthur's Chambers Merlin helps Arthur on with his armour. He pulls too tightly on a strap.","Merlin (whispering): Sorry.","Arthur: It's not like you to get nervous, is it, Merlin?","Merlin: I'm not nervous.","Arthur: No?","Merlin: Because I trust in your destiny.","Arthur: Have you been on the cider?","Merlin: It is your fate to be the greatest king Camelot has ever known. And your victory today will be remembered...by every age until the end of time. Just trust in yourself.","Arthur: There are times, Merlin, when you display a sort of...I don't know what it is. I want to say...it's not wisdom. But, yes. That's what it is. Merlin smiles.","Arthur: Don't look so pleased. The rest of the time you're a complete idiot.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Morgana's Chambers Morgana watches the soldiers file out of the castle.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Castle Arthur walks past his soldiers and then raises his sword.","Arthur: For the love of Camelot!","Knights: For the love of Camelot! They go out to carry on preparing for the siege.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cenred's army is marching towards the citadel. Cenred and Morgause are watching the scene. Cenred's soldiers are setting fire to ammunitions in trebuchets.","Cenred: Fire! The fireballs are thrown. The first ones start falling amongst Camelot's soldiers. Uther wakes up and gets up from is bed. Meanwhile, troops are invading the lower parts of the city. The battle really begins, full of noise and fury. Uther wearing his armour arrives in the courtyard. He draws his sword and runs across the drawbridge.","Sir Leon: Hold the line! ... Speaking to Uther...You need to go back, sire. Uther does not seem to understand; he walks past Sir Leon and reaches the front line.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Hospital Merlin comes in and catches a sight of Morgana.","Merlin: Gaius, one of us needs to keep an eye on her.","Gaius: Don't worry, I am.","Merlin: You mustn't let her out of your sight. I need to get back to Arthur.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In the courtyard, a fireball falls near Merlin, he is knocked down.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cenred's soldiers are using ladders to climb onto battlements. Cenred and Morgause are still watching the battle.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arthur and Uther are in the middle of the battle. Arthur catches a sight of his father.","Arthur: Father! Arthur drags Uther away from the front line.","Uther: What are you doing?","Arthur: You are not well.","Uther: This is my kingdom! Argh! Uther gets hit by an arrow and collapses in Arthur's arms. The barricade is overwhelmed.","Arthur: Pull back! Retreat! Merlin arrives as Camelot's soldiers are retreating; enemies are climbing over the barricade.","Merlin casts a spell: Forbearnan! The spell creates a wall of fire to block the enemies.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In the hospital, Morgana leaves the room. Gaius sees her leaving and he follows her. She goes to her chamber, she fetches the rowan staff from under her bed and hides behind a column while Gaius is looking around before leaving the room.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Courtyard Arthur is helping is father.","U: You must get back, we are losing the lower town.","Arthur: It's already lost, father.","U: And the citadel?","Arthur: Safe for now.","U: It must stay this way.","Arthur: You have to trust me father, I know what I am doing. Uther groans with pain as Arthur is pulling the arrow out of his leg.","Arthur: You must rest. When you're well again, you will still have a kingdom, I promise you that. Merlin helps Uther to go to the infirmary. The battle is raging.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Coutryside","Cenred: The lower town is ours!","Morgause: That will hardly fill the pages of history. What of the citadel itself?","Cenred: Their defences are strong. It is time for you to deliver your side of the bargain.","Morgause: Patience, Cenred, you will not be disappointed.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Castle Morgana is making her way for the crypt of the castle.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Uther arrives in the hospital, helped by Merlin.","Merlin: Where is Gaius?","Gwen: I don't know.","Gaius: Morgana's disappeared.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In the crypt, in the middle of tombs, Morgana smirks. Meanwhile, Merlin bursts into her chambers looking for her. Morgana pushes the staff into the floor. Merlin feels the jolt of magic.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Morgause feels the magic too, she looks satisfied.","Cenred: Enough of your games, Morgause. What happened to your traitor?","Morgause: For such a great king you have very little patience.","Cenred: The time for patience is over!","Morgause: You need not to worry much longer. No army can fight on two fronts. Not even the knights of Camelot.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In the crypt, the rowan staff is shooting beams at the tombs around. Outside, the battle is raging. In the crypt, skeletons start bursting out of the tombs.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Castle courtyard Arthur is helping a wounded soldier; there are things on fire everywhere.","Arthur: Take him to hospital. He makes out Merlin walking down the steps.","Arthur: Merlin! Where the hell have you been?","Merlin: Nowhere!","Arthur: You are starting to make a habit of this. What's your excuse this time? Merlin is gaping at something behind Arthur.","Arthur: Come on Merlin, you can do better than that. Merlin is finger pointing something. Arthur turns to discover an army of armed skeletons walking towards him. Arthurs starts fighting against one of them, he stabs the skeleton. The skeleton shrugs and keeps fighting. Merlin starts fighting against another skeleton he chops its arm off. A knight takes on the one-armed skeleton while Merlin tries to slash the chopped arm on the ground.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Arthur and Merlin are rushing in the griffin staircase.","Arthur: You need to warn Gaius. Tell him to seal the hospital. They see the shadow of skeleton entering the castle.","Arthur: Merlin! Do as I say! Merlin rushes up the steps while the skeleton is walking to fight against Arthur.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In the hospital","Uther: I have to get out of there.","Gaius: No, sire. You are still weak from the medicine I gave you. I told you that...","Uther: I cannot watch my kingdom fall and do nothing.","Gaius: Arthur will defend it.","Merlin: Gaius? Gaius leaves Uther to talk with Merlin.","Merlin: You have to seal off the hospital. The castle is under attack from within.","Gaius: What are you talking about?","Merlin: Morgana. She summoned an army of the dead. They're everywhere.","Gaius: Where are you going?","Merlin: To try and stop her. Wielding a sword, Merlin rushes downstairs to the crypt.","[SCENE_BREAK]","At the drawbridge, Camelot's soldiers are still fighting. Sir Leon moves back from the front line and turns to see the skeleton army walking towards him.","Sir Leon: On me! Sir Leon starts fighting against a skeleton.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Hospital","Arthur: We can't fight a battle on two fronts.","Gwen: Keep still. Gwen bandages Arthur's hand. Arthur winces.","Arthur: I don't know how much longer we can keep the citadel. We need to get my father to safety.","Gaius: How? We no longer control the Lower Town. There is no escape, Arthur.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Merlin arrives in the crypt, Morgana turns and looks at him.","Morgana: You should leave now, while you still can.","Merlin: Morgana, please, I BEG you. Women and children are dying. The city will fall.","Morgana: Good.","Merlin: No, you don't mean that.","Morgana: I have magic, Merlin. Uther hates me and everyone like me. Why should I feel any differently about him.","Merlin: You of all your people could change Uther's mind. But doing this, using magic like this, will only harden his heart.","Morgana: You don't have magic, Merlin. How could you hope to understand.","Merlin: I do understand, believe me. If I had your gifts I would harness them for good. That's what magic should be for. That's why you were born with these powers.","Morgana: You don't know what it's like to be an outsider. To be ashamed of how you were born, to have to hide who you are. Do you think I deserve to be executed because of who I am?","Merlin: No. It doesn't have to be like this. We can find another way.","Morgana: There is no other way. Merlin backs up, walks behind a pillar and tries to dash on the other side to reach the rowan staff. Morgana hits him with her sword. Merlin gasps.","Merlin: What are you going to do... kill me?","Morgana: You don't think I can?","Merlin: If you're going to do it, make it quick. Morgana tries to hit Merlin, he ducks and takes his sword. They fight.","[SCENE_BREAK]","At the drawbridge, Sir Leon and his troops are fighting caught between Cenred's army and the skeletons.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In the crypt the fight between Merlin and Morgana goes on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","At the drawbridge the battle rages.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Morgana manages to disarm Merlin. He avoids her attack. Merlin ducks behind a tomb and casts a spell.","Merlin: (Feoll bu brand.) The spell makes the vault roof collapse on Morgana who is knocked out. Merlin picks up the sword and runs to the rowan staff. He cast another spell.","Merlin: Snee-des. He hits the rowan staff with the sword and breaks it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","In a corridor, Arthur is fighting against a skeleton that suddenly crumbles.","[SCENE_BREAK]","At the drawbridge, skeletons also crumble. Sir Leon goes back with the rest of the soldiers to fight Cenred's army. Camelot's knights are pushing back Cenred's army attack.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cenred and Morgause are watching the battle, they look more and more disappointed.","Cenred: Your traitor has failed us just as I knew they would. I'm calling off the siege.","Morgause: You can't!","Cenred: I cannot take the city unaided. That was not our bargain.","Morgause: You have failed me, Cenred.","Cenred: I would rather fail you, Morgause than watch thousands of men die.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Throne room","Merlin: Sire.","Arthur: What is it?","Merlin: I need to tell you something about Morgana.","Arthur: It's all right. We all know what happened.","Merlin: You do?","Uther: In my time we've won many battles, but none so important as this. Every man, every woman and child has performed their heroic best, and I thank you and I salute you all. Even before the battle, we knew there was a traitor in our midst, one who was almost the undoing of us. However we have to thank the one person who outwitted them, and who, almost singlehandedly, turned the battle. The lady Morgana... Morgana comes to meet Uther and the crowd applauds...","Uther: For it was she, who very bravely entered the vault, found the magical vessel and destroyed it. We must be vigilant. We must stand firm against the dark forces of magic, and make sure that they never penetrate our walls again. During the king's speech, Morgana and Merlin keep staring at each other.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gaius's chambers","Merlin: Why is Uther so blind of her true nature?","Gaius: I don't know, Merlin. It is a mystery. But Morgana will try again.","Merlin: I'll be ready for her.","Gaius: You must be careful.","Merlin: I'm not afraid of her, Gaius.","Gaius: You should be.","Merlin: All I feel for her is... sad. She's become so bitter, so full of hate.","Gaius: Don't let that happen to you, Merlin.","Merlin: Nothing could ever make me that angry.","Arthur's distance voice shouting: Merlin! Arthurs enters.","Arthur: Get your lazy backside out here.","Merlin: On second thoughts... He gets up and Gaius smiles."],"Show Title":"Merlin","Episode Number":"03x02","Episode Title":"The Tears of Uther Pendragon (Part Two)","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Merlin_03x11.json","Recap":["As another tournament descends on Camelot, a young man known as Gilli sets his sights on victory. Gilli uses magic in the tournament to win his fights, and by doing so he begins to realize the true strength of his powers, and what glory for which he could possibly use them. Meanwhile, Morgana manipulates Uther and Arthur into competing against each other."],"Transcript":["A FOREST","A young man is walking when two men show up.","Nollar: Your mother knows you're out here? What's your name, boy?","The young man: Gilli.","Tindr: What's in the bag?","Gilli: Nothing Tindr grabs Gilli's bag and empties it.","Nollar: Where you're heading?","Gilli: Camelot. To fight in the tournament ...","Nollar (laughs): Is that what your pretty new sword's for?","Gilli: Yeah","Tindr (grabs the sword): Let me see.","Nollar: You ever seen this tournament? Believe me, a little boy like you is got no chance. Especially without a sword.","Gilli (as the men leave): Give it back.","Nollar: I'm doing you a favor, one day you'll thank me.","Gilli: I said, give it back. Gilli assaults them but he is pushed back","Nollar: I thought you were a fighter!? Here, I'll show you how to fight!! Gilli assaults him once more but the man punches him.","Nollar: Good luck at the tournament. They leave, laughing. Gilli takes a ring from his stuff. As he looks at it, the ring starts to shine in gold, as well as Gilli's eyes. ***Open credits***","CAMELOT, THE COURTYARD","Arthur and Merlin are walking; Merlin holds pieces of Arthur's armor.","Merlin: Did anyone think this tournament through? A contest opens to all comers with a prize of hundred gold coins. Hum, I wonder what kind of people are going to turn up?","Arthur: It's a tradition Merlin, the tournament's been held every ten years to centuries ... Nothing to worry about.","THE TRAINING FIELD","Many men are gathered, training for the tournament. Merlin (seeing a man cutting the head off of a mannequin with an axe): Tell me he can't use that in the contest.","Arthur: He can use what he likes, it's an open tournament.","Merlin: What about the Knight's Code?","Arthur: It counts for nothing. The only rule is: there are no rules. Arthur leaves and Merlin avoids only just an axe thrown by Nollar.","Merlin (for himself): Yeah, you're right, there's nothing to worry about!","THE LOWER TOWN","Gilli comes in the Rising Sun Inn.","Gilli (to the innkeeper): Excuse me? Hello?","The innkeeper: Drink?","Gilli: A room","The innkeeper: I'm only taking competitive. Spectators have to stay outside the city walls.","Gilli: But I am a competitor.","The innkeeper : Of course you are ...","Gilli (presenting a parchment): Here. (The innkeeper reads it) I'd like a room please. The innkeeper (giving him a key): You'll have to share.","Gilli: But ...","The innkeeper: D'you want a bed or not? And I'll have my money now.","Gilli: Why?","The innkeeper: Because you'll be dead by sunset.","CAMELOT'S ARMORY","Merlin prepares Arthur's armor. Nollar and Tindr show up.","Nollar (to Merlin): My! If it's not the Prince of Camelot ...","Merlin : I'm his servant.","Nollar: I've always wanted a servant. (Putting his foot on the bench where Merlin sits) Here. Clean them.","Merlin: What?","Nollar: My boots. (Threatening Merlin with a whip) Hurry up. Merlin stands up and moves across the armory. Nollar gives him a lash of whip.","Merlin: I'm looking for a cloth!","Nollar: I don't care if you use your tongue! Clean them! Gilli (comes out from behind the three of them): Stay where you are.","Nollar: Oh so you've decided to join us after all.","Gilli (about the whip): I think you should put that down sire.","Nollar (to his companion): Did you hear that?","Tindr: Oh I heard it all right.","Nollar (to Gilli): Why don't you say it again?","Merlin: I'm sorry, this is my fault. Nollar gesture him to stay quiet while Tindr faces him.","Nollar (to Gilli): I'm not hearing you.","Gilli: I've said what I had to say. Nollar makes his whip cracks. The ring on Gilli's finger starts to shine while he magically grabs a sword. He manages to disarm the man. But Nollar gets a small axe out of his belt.","Merlin (to Gilli): Watch out! Gilli disarms his opponent once again.","Gilli: Now, get out. The men leave the Amory.","Gilli (to Merlin): Thanks for the warning.","Merlin: It's me who should be grateful.","Gilli: It's all right. I've already had a run in with those two.","Merlin: You have?","Gilli: Yeah, I know what it's like to be picked on.","Arthur (from outside): Merlin!","Merlin (to Gilli): Well, thanks again. I'm -","Arthur's voice (Impatient): Merlin!","Merlin (shaking Gilli's hand): Merlin. That's me.","Gilli: I'm Gilli","Arthur's voice (shouting): Merlin!!!!!","Merlin: Arrg! I got to go. He leaves.","THE DINNER ROOM","Arthur, Uther and Morgana having lunch while Merlin is doing service","Morgana: Remind me how many times have you won this tournament Uther?","Uther: Three","Morgana: That's a lot to leave up to, Arthur.","Arthur: Indeed.","Morgana (to Uther): I remember your last victory. You were a master in the arena. It's such a shame we won't see you compete again.","Uther: Who say you won't?","Morgana: I thought you said you were too old to take the field?","Uther: Not ages stops me. I'm still proving the match for any man.","Arthur: Well, we won't be finding out.","Uther (to Arthur): Why ever not?","Arthur: Because I don't want you getting hurt. Uther laughs","Morgana (to Uther): Do you think you could still win the crown?","Arthur: The Kingdom needs him to rule, not to fight.","Uther (to Arthur): You think I can't do both?","Morgana: But you're not as young as you used to be. Besides, I need someone to keep me company in the stands","Arthur: If you'll excuse me, I need to prepare for the tournament. Merlin? They both leave the room.","Morgana (to Uther): It is such a shame. Would've been good for the people to see you competed one last time? But still, Arthur is probably right. You can't do everything ... Uther seems thoughtful has they finish their lunch.","THE ARMORY","Merlin gets Arthur ready for his first battle","Merlin: How're you feeling?","Arthur: Confident","Merlin: You're sure?","Arthur: Yes","Merlin: The last time this tournament was held (whispering) three men died.","Arthur: Really","Merlin: And that was just on the first day ...","Arthur: Thanks for that Merlin.","Merlin: And on that second day ...","Arthur: Let's just ... gets to the first!","Merlin: You're right. That's when most people die","Arthur: Merlin ...?","Merlin: Yes?","Arthur: Shut up.","THE ARENA OF CAMELOT","All the fighters are gathered in the field. Gaius and Merlin are standing among the other servants. Morgana shows up in the royal stand and start the opening speech.","Morgana: It's my pleasure to welcome you all to Camelot. This is a contest like no other. It is open to all comers. (Uther comes along the other competitors) Including our reigning champion, the King. There are no rules, no weapons are banned. The last man standing takes the prize. Let the tournament begin. The tournament began with a fight involving Uther who win without too much difficulty. Arthur wins his own fight with only one punch. Nollar almost loses his but finally stabs his opponent and kills him. Then it's Gilli's turn. He wins by using magic.","Gaius (about Gilli's fight): Who would believed it?","NEAR THE ARENA","As Gilli passes by, Gaius and Merlin talk to him","Gaius: That was a fine victory.","Gilli: Thank you.","Gaius (about Gilli's wound): That will need treating.","Gilli: No, it's all right.","Merlin: Gaius is the court physician.","Gilli: It's just a nick, I'm fine. He leaves quickly.","Merlin: He's using magic.","Gaius: I suspected as much. The ring bears the mark of the old religion. Such rings are very rare but they acted as a conduit. A channel for magical powers.","Merlin: So, he does have magic like me?","Gaius: He doesn't have your powers, Merlin but to wield a ring such as that needs considerable gift.","Merlin: Well, he's braver than me, using magic in front of all those people.","Gaius: Brave or stupid. If Uther finds out, he'll have him killed.","THE ARMORY","Gilli put his sword on the sword rack. As his wound hurts he goes in the corridors to cast a spell and heals his arm. The spell unleashes a bright light and let a mark on the wall. As two guards had seen the light, they try to stop him. Gilli succeed to escape, losing his ring.","IN THE ARMORY 'S CORRIDOR","King Uther, Gaius and Merlin are gathered around the mark on the wall.","Uther: Sorcery. It's the only explanation.","Gaius: We mustn't jump to conclusions Sire.","Uther: What other explanation could it be? The guard report saying \"an unnaturally bright light\". It's heat so intense that they could feel at the other side of the corridor. These scorch marks would seem to support their story.","Gaius: But they appear to have been there for some time (seeing the ring on the floor behind Uther). Did the guards could get a look at this man?","Uther: No, it was too dark.","Gaius: Unfortunate. I can see no evidence of magic.","Uther: This is strange odour. How do you explain that? Gaius (pointing in the end of the corridor to make a diversion): It's coming from the grain store there. It's alecost for the tavern. (He picks up the ring)They used it in their brewing.","Uther: Brewing?","Gaius: Indeed sire. It imparts a special flavour.","Uther (leaving): Very well.","GAIUS' CHAMBERS","Gaius: It's cleary Gilli's judging by the scorch mark and the odour. This is an old healing spell. It's crude but its works. You heat the skin to coagulate the blood and there cauterizes the wound.","Merlin: On his shoulder. Well, no wondering why he didn't want treatment.","Gaius: You'll have to talk to him before it's too late.","THE RISING SUN TAVERN","Merlin knocks at Gilli's door.","Gilli: Who is it?","Merlin (opens the door): Merlin. I've come to see how you are.","Gilli: It's a lot better.","Merlin (about Gilli's wound): Can I have a look?","Gilli: There's nothing to see.","Merlin (sitting in a bed): Wow, the way you fought earlier, that was incredible.","Gilli: Yeah?","Merlin: Yeah. Someone your size to go beat a man like that. Sure a lot of people are going to think you're using magic ... I'm not gonna tell anyone.","Gilli: I'm not using magic. Merlin gets out the ring.","Merlin: You don't have to fear me. (Looking the ring) It bears the mark of the old religion (giving the jewel back to Gilli). Where did you get it from?","Gilli: My father. He left it me.","Merlin: Did he have the same powers as you?","Gilli: He was a gifted man, but he would not touch magic. He vowed never to use it. He feared it. Wouldn't even let me talk about it.","Merlin: Why?","Gilli: He was scared Uther would found out. That the King would discover he was a sorcerer. Even when he was attacked and ... he'd three men on him; he still wouldn't use this.","Merlin: Is that how he died?","Gilli: I am not gonna be like him.","Merlin: Because you want to be proud? ... Of who you are?","Gilli: Why all these questions?","Merlin: You remind me someone I know.","Gilli: Who? Merlin (stand up and walking up to Gilli): You saved my life and I'm trying to save yours. You need to withdrawn from the tournament.","Gilli: It's an open competition. You're supposed to be up to use whatever skills you have.","Merlin: Fighting skills! ... And you're not a swordsman, or a gladiator. Fighting is not your talent. Magic is.","Gilli: Then why can't I use it?","Merlin: Because is banned.","Gilli: Without magic, I'm a Nobody. People think they can kick dirt in my face.","Merlin: You're not a Nobody. You're ... special.","Gilli: Then let me prove that.","Merlin: If you continue to use magic here, you will be caught, Uther will have you executed. Another customer enters the room putting the conversation to an end.","BACK TO THE AREANA","Uther and Arthur both win their second fight. As Arthur is in the tent, Uther comes in, followed by the Lady Morgana.","Uther (to Arthur): Have you seen who you are to face in the semi final tomorrow? Might need to put in some practice.","Morgana: Well, the crowd are really looking forward to it. So am I. (as Arthur leaves) It should be quite a match !","NEAR THE ARENA","Gilli headed to his battle when he meets Nollar.","Nollar: Seems like you're my next opponent.","Gilli (trying to leave): Excuse me. Nollar don't let him pass.","Gilli: Can you let me past please? Nollar (as he shows his weapons): No. 'Cause I want you to help me decide which of these I'm gonna kill you with? The two men laugh as Gilli leaves. Few minutes later, Gilli and Nollar meet in the arena. Under the man's assaults Gilli is pushing against the arena's wall, right into Tindr's arms who was standing in the crowd.","Tindr : Hello again! Nollar is about to pass Gilli through. The young man uses his magic and ejects his opponent. He manages to escape from Tindr, reaches Nollar and kills him.","THE ARMORY","Gilli is sitting on a bench, still shocked by Nollar death. Merlin shows up.","Gilli (looking straight): I've never killed a man before. I just wanted to feel ... what was like to be ... respected. But this ... I'm not a killer. This isn't me.","Merlin: You need to withdraw.","Gilli: I'm going to.","THE RISING SUN TAVERN","As Gilli enters, he is warmly welcomed by the crowd.","The crowd: Here he is. Everybody applauses and shakes Gilli's hand. The innkeeper buys him a drink.","The innkeeper (to everyone): The drinks are on the House!","ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS","Merlin sharps Arthur's sword. The prince is slouched on his table.","Arthur: What do I do Merlin? If I fight my father tomorrow, the way I can ... I'll show him up, I'll humiliate him. In front of his people. Or worse! I could wound him, even kill him!","Merlin: He does not gonna back down, isn't it? (Arthur gives him a look that means \"no\") He's determined to prove himself ... You have to let him win.","Arthur: You don't have to put it up with the gloating! Do you have any idea what it's like to live with a man who constantly thinks he's the best!","Merlin: Hum, must be irritating ...!","THE FOLLOWING DAY, IN THE ARENA","Uther is about to fight against Arthur.","Arthur: Good luck.","Uther: And you ... you'll need it.","Arthur: Don't be so sure, Father.","Uther : When I was your age, I conquered Camelot. I didn't inherit this Kingdom I won it. One day you'll be strong enough to take my crown. But not yet. They both put their helmets.","Uther: Ready?","Arthur (without looking): Ready. Uther instantly attacks his son whom succeeds to ward off Uther's blow.","Uther: I thought you said you were ready. Then the fight began. Arthur and Uther gives back to back to one another.","Arthur (sarcastic): Need a breather Father? All in all, Arthur is stronger than Uther and he succeeds to make Uther fall. Uther seems to have issues to get up.","Arthur: Footwork always was your weakness! Uther finally stand up. He looks very weak so as Arthur noticed. The prince decided to let his father win and felt intentionally. Uther gives a hand to Arthur to gets up and takes a bow in front of his people. In the royal stand, Morgana seems frustrated.","[SCENE_BREAK]","THE FIGHTER'S CAMP","Merlin (to Arthur): Well done. It can't have been easy.","Arthur: If he wasn't my father ...! (He leaves)","Gaius (to Merlin): The king's reachs the final. You need to worry about who he might be facing next.","Merlin looks in the arena and sees Gilli fighting. Once again, Gilli's opponent is about to win but the young man uses his magic to defeat him.","GAIUS'S CHAMBERS","Merlin is thoughtful when Gaius comes in.","Gaius: I thought you said the boy was going to withdraw.","Merlin: That's what I thought.","Gaius: We have to warn the King","Merlin: No!","Gaius: Why are you protecting him?","Merlin: You know what Uther would do!","Gaius: Gilli is using magic for his own gain. It's corrupting him. Poisoning him.","Merlin: Just let me talk to him.","Gaius: I fear it's too late.","Merlin: Gaius, please! You taught me what magic was for. You gave me the opportunity to be the person that I am today. I've had you to help me. Give me one more chance to talk to him.","Gaius: We'll have to put an end to this. If he fights tomorrow, either his magic will be found out or worse, the King would die. Merlin leaves.","THE RISING SUN TAVERN","As Merlin comes in, Gilli is in the middle of the crowd, explaining his fight.","Gilli: Now, lot of people asks me how did he fell on his back. I just tripped him like that. I'm strong, you don't realize it. Seeing Merlin, Gilli meets him in Gilli's empty room.","Gilli: What's this is about?","Merlin: Your opponent? 'Thought you might like to know how he is?","Gilli: Is he alright?","Merlin: Gaius thinks he'll pull through but he might not have been so lucky.","Gilli: It could've been me that got injured.","Merlin: I thought you weren't going to fight!","Gilli: You've seen the way people are now. They're showed me respect. You don't know what that's like for me.","Merlin: I do.","Gilli: No. No, no one does. Merlin seems thoughtful for a moment then shuts the door. He faces Gilli, whispers an incantation and present his closed fist. When he openes it, there is a flame burning on his palm. Gilli looks at Merlin, as if he sees him for the first time.","Merlin: It's lonely ... to ... be more powerful than any man you know and have to live like a shadow. To be special and have to pretend you're a fool. I know how it feels ... I understand.","Gilli: Then you understand why I have to fight. If Uther is killed, so what? How many of our kind have died at his hands?! How many more will?! It's time those with magic fought back!","Merlin: Gilli ...","Gilli: You can't tell me what to do!","Merlin: You need to learn to use your magic for good! That is the true purpose! It's not meant to your own vanity!","Gilli (shouting): I'm not gonna apologize for who I am!! You can be a servant, and, and pretend you're less than them, but I'm not gonna ...","Merlin (interrupting): No! That's not what I do!","Gilli: No?! You're defending the King! Protecting a man that would have you dead!","Merlin: I'm protecting you!","Gilli: You've been pretending for so long now, that you've actually forgotten who you are.","Merlin: No. That's not true.","Gilli: Isn't it?!","Merlin: No ...","Gilli: It's time someone struck a blow for the likes of you and me. And if you're too weak, then I will. Gilli leaves the room, letting Merlin on his own.","GAIUS' CHAMBERS","At night, Merlin is lying on his bed thinking. He suddenly gets up, run to the clearing next to Camelot and summon the Great Dragon.","Kilgharrah (as he landed): I was beginning to hope you'd forgotten me.","Merlin (smiling): I don't think so","Kilgharrah: The problem is, young warlock, that you wish to talk, but you don't wish to listen. The last time we met, you chose to ignore my advice and overrule me.","Merlin: I'm sorry.","Kilgharrah: A Dragonlord should never abuse their power. What reason do you have to summon me this time?","Merlin: You are a creature of magic ... and only a creature of magic could hope to understand. Uther is to fight a young sorcerer in the tournament tomorrow. Gaius wants me to prevent him from using magic but if I do that there is every chance he would die.","Kilgharrah: Your choice is a hard one, young Warlock. Yet, you, like I, must hold hope that Arthur will bring about a new age. An age where the likes of you and I are respected once again. If he sees his father killed through the use of magic, it would harden his mind for ever.","Merlin: No ... no, there must be some ... other way.","Kilgharrah: To see one of your kin die is never an easy thing. But all great struggles demand sacrifices. I am sorry young warlock. I wish I had some words to help you.","Merlin: Some choices are easy ... some stay with you forever ...","CAMELOT, BY MORNING","Uther is in his apartment, preparing for his fight against Gilli. Arthur enters","Arthur: Come to whish you luck","Uther: Against a boy?","Arthur: He's reached the final.","Uther: Arthur, even you could beat him! (He leaves the room)","IN THE ARENA","Uther stands in the middle of the pitch. Merlin watches worryingly Gilli's arrival. The two of them share a very expressive look. In the pitch, the fight is about to begin. Uther put his helmet and raise his sword.","Uther: For glory","Gilli: For glory Then the battle starts. As Uther is obviously better than Gilli, the young man starts to use his magic. But, from the crowd, Merlin fought him back with his own powers. Uther finally wins and is cheered by his people. Gilli leaves the arena, depressed. Merlin (to Gilli as the young man passes next to him): I'm sorry. But Gilli doesn't even respond and just walks away.","THE RISING SUN TAVERN, GILLI'S ROOM","Gilli is packing when Merlin enters.","Merlin: I didn't have a choice.","Gilli: You did what you had to do. And you betrayed your kind.","Merlin: No that was you. You betrayed us. You'd won. But you were going to kill the king anyway. There's no honor in that. Come one, look inside yourself, you're better than this. Magic is not meant for fighting. It's not meant to bring you glory.","Gilli: I never understood my father ... I thought that he was afraid of magic. But he wasn't. He was afraid of what it can do. How it can corrupt. I know now that he was ... he was strong. Well ... he was stronger than me. (He grabs his bag) I'm sorry.","Merlin: I know it doesn't seem like it now but one day magic will be permitted once again. And when that day arrives, you'll not longer have to hide who you are. Your gifts will be recognized and we ... will be free! And who knows, maybe ... maybe then our path will cross again.","Gilli: I hope so","Merlin: Oh, they will. We're kin","Gilli (shaking Merlin's hand): Kin. Later, Gilli leaves Camelot and the lower Town as Merlin watches him from the round path.","THE DINNER ROOM","Uther (to Morgana as they reach the table where Arthur is already sitting at): I thought the boy was going to kill me.","Morgana: So did I!","Uther: Then, suddenly, the old fighting spirit kicked in. I dug deep, found my strength and whole thing just began to flow. I felt at one with the sword. My feet moved instinctively.","Morgana: And now, you're champion once again. Maybe you can give Arthur some lessons!","Uther: It is I who learnt a great deal to our fight.","Morgana: I can't see what.","Uther: He's a far better warrior than you think. It is Arthur who should have claimed the prize.","Morgana: But sadly he wasn't good enough.","Uther: Because he threw the fight (Arthur choke with his water) that I might save face.","Arthur: You knew?","Uther: I have followed your progress with a sword since you were boy. I know your abilities better than anyone. I'm eternally grateful. I hope that when you are king and have sons of your own, that they will afford you the same honour. Indeed, the most satisfying outcome of the tournament is that Arthur's actions have shown me that he is now truly ready to be king. Uther raise his glass. Arthur and Morgana raise theirs and the three of them choke their glasses.","GAISUS' CHAMBERS","Gaius and Merlin are ready to eat; Gaius put a very well served plate in front of Merlin.","Gaius: I'm proud of you.","Merlin: Oh, I don't deserve it.","Gaius: You're being hard on yourself. Merlin doesn't respond sighs and seems ready to eat ... Gaius (taking Merlin's plate for himself): All right!","Merlin: Hey, what are you doing?","Gaius: You said you didn't deserve it.","Merlin: Gaius, I haven't eaten.","Gaius: Pity it's delicious Merlin (trying to take back his plate): Gaius ... As Merlin's getting ever more puzzled, Gaius starts giggled Gaius (taking another very well served plate from behind their table): Alright ...","Merlin: Thanks They both laugh","*** THE END***"],"Show Title":"Merlin","Episode Number":"03x11","Episode Title":"The Sorcerer's Shadow","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Merlin_05x02.json","Recap":["Merlin is troubled by Mordred's reappearance, despite the kindness the latter shows to both Merlin and Arthur. After escaping from the Saxons, Merlin and Arthur continue their journey to Morgana's tower in Ismere, while Mordred travels with the Saxons on the same path. In the tower, Arthur and Merlin disguise themselves as Saxons, but Arthur is intercepted by Morgana. Merlin attempts to save him but is incapacitated. Mordred ultimately saves Arthur in an unexpected turn of events. He is then knighted in Camelot, but Merlin is still wary of him."],"Transcript":["In a land of myth, and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young man. His name ... Merlin. Precedingly on Merlin... ***Opening Credits*** Ismere Castle in the night. Morgana is sleeping. She does a nightmare, she is enchained with Aithusa in a well. Somebody open the door. Aithusa is growling. Morgana wakes up.","Morgana : Aithusa ? Come. Come in. We're safe. No harm can come to us now. Our troubles are all in the past. I promise. The white dragon comes into Morgana's room and put his head on the bed.","Morgana : Soon we'll have the Diamair. Soon we'll know Arthur's bane. Camelot will be ours. Snowing place. Arthur and Merlin are prisoners from Ragnor. They walk behind him enchained.","Arthur : Remind me, Merlin, how did we end up like this ? Oh yes, you were thinking about your stomach, as usual. I told you it was a trap.","Merlin : I told you to go back to Camelot.","Arthur : Merlin !","Ragnor : Hold !","Merlin : We can't let them hand us over to Morgana. We need to get out of there, we need a plan. Ragnor down from his horse and shoots Arthur in the stomach.","Ragnor : You speak when you're spoken to. (he comes back to his horse) Faster. Camelot courtyard. Gaius comes into Sefa's dungeon.","Gaius : Here. Drink this.","Sefa : No.","Gaius : It will make it easier to bear.","Sefa : No, Gaius. You have to help me. Please speak to the queen.","Gaius : It will do no good.","Sefa : Then let me. Please it's all I ask. Allow me to meet with her.","Gaius : I'm just a physician.","Sefa : But she listens to you. She trusts you. Please, all I want is to talk with her. If you don't help me Gaius...Please don't let me die. Please. Gaius nods. He leaves. The night outside in the snow. The convoy of prisoner sleeps. Merlin stares at Mordred.","Ragnor : What are you gwaping at ? (He takes bread and he gets up) Is this what you want ? (he sends the bread away from Merlin) Catch (laughs)","Mordred : Maybe we should feed them.","Ragnor : What for ?","Mordred : They'll be skin and bones.","Ragnor : Morgana wants slaves, not hogs for the fire.","Mordred : Then slow the pace.","Ragnor : The quicker we get there, the quicker I get my money. Mordred look at Merlin. The creature looks Gwaine sleep when he hears a noise. He goes to hide. Gards approaching.","Creature : sceadu hine wreoth. Gwaine is hidding. Tomorrow morning. The prisoner convoy wakes up. Mordred moves toward to Merlin. He gives him bread.","Mordred : Do you want them ?","Merlin : Why are you doing this ?","Mordred : He once saved my life. I owe him a debt. Don't be so quick to judge me. You fear me, Emrys, don't you? I know the hatred and suspicion with which men treat those with magic. You and I are not so different. I, too, have learned to hide my gifts. I promise. You secret is safe with me.","Merlin : What's Morgana looking for in Ismere ?","Mordred : The Diamair.","Merlin : What's that ?","Mordred : In the language of my people it means \"the key\".","Merlin : The key to what ?","Mordred : The key to all knowledge. Ismere Castle. Throne room. Morgana comes.","Morgana : There is still no sign of the Diamair. We're running out of time !","Ruadan : Have faith Morgana.","Morgana : Arthur could be on us in days.","Ruadan : Or he could be dead.","Morgana : No. He escaped. I'm sure of it.","Ruadan : Then he would be in Camelot by now.","Morgana : You must speak to your spy and discover what Arthur intends to do next !","Ruadan : My lady, Sefa has been arrested. She is sentenced to die.","Morgana : That is cruel indeed. You must remember there is no greater glory than giving your life for a cause that is right.","Ruadan : She has proved herself to be a worthy daughter.","Morgana : It will not be forgotten. I will double the patrol on the border. We will be ready for when Arthur returns. There is nothing more you can do for Sefa. You must make sure her sacrifice was not in vain. Snowing place. Merlin and Arthur are enchains. Arthur fall on his knees.","Merlin : Whoa ! Stop ! The convoy stops.","Merlin : He needs water. Ragnor moves toward to Arthur.","Ragnor : Get up. He kicks Arthur. He helps him to get up and force to face him.","Ragnor : Not so much of the great warrior now, are you ? (Chuckles)","Merlin : Here. I'll help him. Ragnor go away. Arthur gets up and gives a wink to Merlin. Arthur takes Ragnor's knife. Counsil chamber.","Sefa (to the queen) : My Lady.","Gueneviere : Sefa. You asked to see me.","Sefa : I'm sorry for what I did. Ir was wrong, I know. It was without thinking. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I wouldn't. All I wanted was to help my father. And now I'm condemned to death.","Gueneviere : You understand the law, Sefa. I cannot change it.","Sefa : Please. I know you have a good heart. A reprieve. I'm begging you.","Gueneviere : Men have died.","Sefa : I know. I'm sorry. I...I'm so sorry. I did it for my father. It was the only thing he wanted from me. I told him I couldn't, but ... I don't know. He... I wanted to make him happy. To please him.","Gueneviere : He used you.","Sefa : I know. My Lady, I don't want to die.","Gueneviere : There's nothing I can do, Sefa. The sentence stands.","Sefa : My Lady. Guards drives Sefa to the dungeons.","Gueneviere (to Gaius) : Where is it that I need to sign ?","Gaius : Perhaps you should reconsider. The sentence is a harsh one.","Gueneviere : The law is clear.","Gaius : Sefa was na\u00efve and foolish, but she doesn't deserve to die.","Gueneviere : And she won't, Gaius. I have no intention of executing her. My aim is to catch her father. He is the threat of Camelot not the girl. I'm hopping her plight will lure him here.","Gaius : Why did you not tell me this ?","Gueneviere : Her predicament must remain genuine. If Ruadan has one spy in Camelot, he may have others. And if he has any inkling of this, he will not come.","Gaius : It's a dangerous game you're playing my lady.","Gueneviere : Wars cannot be won without taking risks, Gaius.","Gaius : The execution is set. What happens if Ruadan doesn't appear ?","Gueneviere : Sefa is his daughter. I have to believe that he will. Snowing place. Arthur cut his ties and dropping the goods.","Ragnor : Who did this ? WHO ! Arthur glance at Merlin.","Merlin : We need to rest. Ragnor dismount from his horse.","Ragnor : Right. You can rest. Forever ! He unsheathes his sword. Arthur begin to fight with him.","Merlin : Ga on wuda ! Merlin and Arthur leaves. They stop in front of a precipice.","Merlin : You've got to be joking.","Arthur : Do you have a better solution ? Arthur jump across.","Arthur : We haven't got all day Merlin ! Merlin jump accross.","Merlin : I'll make sure they can't get across.","Arthur : Merlin ! Merlin breaks the edge of the ice precipice.","Merlin : Feall ! The edge is broken and stop Mordred. Arthur arms his weapon on Mordred. They looks at each other and Arthur put the weapon down. Mordred leaves.","Merlin : Why did you spare his life ?","Arthur : He couldn't come after us.","Merlin : He was leading us to our deaths !","Arthur : He showed us kindness.","Merlin : You should have killed him !","Arthur : What's wrong with you ?","Merlin : You had the chance.","Arthur : We escape, didn't we ?","Merlin : Next time we might not be so lucky.","Arthur : I love your optimism. Come on. We need to keep moving. Cavern. Gwaine wakes up and see the creature. He's afraid.","Creature : You have nothing to fear. You wounds are not yet healed.","Gwaine : You. You saved me. Thank you.","Creature : I know that you are worthy of my help.","Gwaine : I don't understand.","Creature : You think kindness is the preserve of humans ?","Gwaine : I've never seen a creature like you before.","Creature : No.","Gwaine : Who are you ?","Creature : I have been called many things by the children of men. I am the last of my kind. Once, we were revered by all. But those days are long gone. For hundreds of years, we were shunned and hunted till I found myself alone. And now, even this large refuge is safe no more. You are weak, fair knight. You must rest and heal yourself. Gwaine sleep again. In the forest by night. Ruadan appears and go to the Camelot. He comes inside the castle, broke a window and come in. A knight see him and stop.","Knight : Reveal yourself. Ruadan kill the knight. He comes inside the dungeon.","Ruadan : Onluce the. Dungeon's door is opening.","Ruadan (to Sefa) : Come on. Gueneviere is in her bedroom whereas the bell is ringing. Knight Leon comes.","Gueneviere : Is it Ruadan ?","Leon : Almost certainly. Ruadan arrives at the exit door.","Ruadan : Onluce the. The door is opening. Elyan see them escaped.","Elyan : There ! Give yourselves up. There's no escape. A battle begin. Ruadan is wounded.","Sefa : Father !","Ruadan : Bael onbryne ! A fire begin and Ruadan escaped with Sefa. Inside the forest.","Ruadan : I need water. Sefa bring him water.","Sefa : Father.","Ruadan : The fight must continue.","Sefa : You must cure yourself.","Ruadan : I do not have such powers.","Sefa : Try. Please. Ruadan writes something on a paper.","Ruadan : Cum-eh mech. Href-n-wan ! A raven comes.","Ruadan (to Sefa) : Attach this to the bird. Sefa does this.","Ruadan : You've done very well. You should be proud. Sefa...","Sefa : You can't leave me.","Ruadan : You must be strong.","Sefa : Father please.","Ruadan : I will always love you. Ruadan die. Sefa escapes. The raven arrives at Morgana.","Ruadan (on the paper) : I bring bad tidings. Arthur did not return to Camelot. He makes his way to Ismere. But you must not despair, Morgana. Soon you will have the Diamair and Arthur's bane will be in your grasp. Soon, the Pendragons Will be no more. In the snow.","Arthur : You know what they say, Merlin. Appearances can be deceiving.","Merlin : Not in this case. They look at the Ismere castle. Gaius's room. He examines Ruadan's body. Gaius finds a paper inside a locket.","Gueneviere (to Gaius) : What is it ?","Gaius : I believe it's a prayer.","Gueneviere : Can you read it ? Gaius ?","Gaius : I'm no expert in the Druidic runes.","Gueneviere : Please I know you too well.","Gaius : It's call for victory over the enemies of the Old Religion.","Gueneviere : I thought the Druids were a peaceful people.","Gaius : For the most part there are. But for some, the Great Purge changed that. They blame Uther for their suffering.","Gueneviere : But he's long been dead.","Gaius : Some believe that Arthur's not different from his father. Sorcery is still outlawed. For them, little has changed.","Gueneviere : So Ruadan believed it was his sacred duty to fight my husband.","Gaius : More than that. There are those who believe Arthur is destined to die by a Druid's hand. Perhaps Ruadan thought he was this man.","Gueneviere : Well, then he was mistaken. Oustide. Mordred and the convoy arrives to Ismere. Merlin et Arthur are spying.","Merlin : I told you, you should have killed him when you had the chance. We'll never make it in there.","Arthur : There is always a way, Merlin. Merlin et Arthur are in the sewer.","Merlin : How did you talk me into this ?","Arthur : Genius Merlin. Merlin progress inside the sewer and a pile of junk falls in front of him. He look back to Arthur.","Merlin : Genius ?","Arthur : You've got a bit of, erm... carrot in your hair. At least I hope it's carrot.","Arthur : Ready ?","Merlin : For what ?","Arthur : Our carriage awaits. In the cavern. Slaves are working. Arthur and Merlin get out from a trolley.","Merlin : It's crawling with Saxons.","Arthur : Make sure we blend in.","Merlin : Arthur ! Ismere's courtyard.","Ragnor : Let the Lady Morgana see for herself. Morgana look outside the window and recognize Mordred.","Ragnor : I'll get twice that in the market in Asgorath. She comes out and move foward Mordred.","Ragnor : My lady. I am grateful for this opportunity. I have brought you eight of the finest... Morgana look at him badly and he shuts up.","Morgana : Mordred. Mordred smile at her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The cavern. Arthur founds Perceval.","Percival : Arthur.","Arthur : Didn't think we'd just leave you here ? Where are the others ?","Percival : They're...scattered around.","Arthur : Gwaine ?","Percival : I saw him a couple of days ago but... Arthur put a sword inside Percival's trolley.","Arthur : See if you can use it to find some more.","Merlin : Arthur.","Arthur : Do what you can to free the others. We'll find Gwaine. Arthur and Merlin look after Gwaine. Percival push the trolley. He whistles after the guard. The guard approaches.","Percival : In there. He comes over and Percival knocks him. Ismere's castle. Modred is eating with Morgana.","Morgana : I feared you were dead. It's dangerous for those of us with magic.","Mordred : It's not been easy.","Morgana : For any of us.","Mordred : Sorcery frightens people. Even some of those who claim to support it.","Morgana : You see a lot.","Mordred : I've learned to. I had to. If I was not to be burned at the stake or exploited for another man's gain.","Morgana : Attitudes will change soon. The Old Religion will reign once more. There'll be nothing to fear once Arthur and his kind are cleansed from the Earth.","Mordred : You know, we had Arthur in our grasp. He escaped.","Morgana : Who let him go ?","Mordred : He go away.","Morgana : How ? Who let him go ?","Mordred : He was an accident.","Morgana : Kill him ! That's all they had to do. I am a high priestess, I have the power of the heavens in my hand and yet he continues to defy me !","Mordred : Calm yourself.","Morgana : I want his annihilation, Mordred. I want to put his head on a spike and watch as the crows feast on his eyes. The bell rings.","Morgana : Arthur. In the cavern. The creature wakes up Gwaine.","Creature : You must wake.","Gwaine : What is that ?","Creature : The warning bell.","Gwaine : Where are they coming from ? Don't worry. No one's going to harm you. He launched an attack but is stopped by Arthur.","Arthur : Trust you not to be doing any work.","Gwaine : It's about time. Merlin approaches the creature.","Gwaine : There's friends. Good friends. Merlin looks and creature goes.","Arthur : What was that ?","Gwaine : I'm not exactly sure. But I owe it my life. Percival and the knights attacking guards in the cave.","Merlin : Something's wrong. The Saxons. Where have they all gone ?","Arthur : First, there are too many, now there aren't enough. Are you ever happy ? Merlin hears grunting away.","Merlin : What was that ?","Arthur : What ? The wind begins to blow.","Merlin : Feel the wind. A growl is heard.","Gwaine : That wasn't the wind. Aithusa appears and chases them. They escape.","Gwaine : Was that what I think i twas ?","Arthur : Where did Morgana get a dragon from ?","Merlin : I have no idea. Get Gwaine back to Percival. I'll lure the dragon the other way.","Arthur : Merlin, I've always known you were stupid, but not that stupid.","Merlin : I really am that stupid. If you don't believe me, watch.","Arthur : Merlin ! Merlin leaves.","Arthur : I'm going after him. Merlin finds the dragon hissing. Merlin approaches.","Merlin : Aithusa. Aithusa attacks him breathing fire.","Merlin : N\u00fcn de ge dei s'eikein kai amois epe'essin hespethal. Aithusa calms.","Merlin : What happened ? Who did this to you ? I won't harm you. The dragon growls.","Merlin : What does that mean ? You can't speak.","Arthur : Merlin ?","Merlin : Go. Aithusa growls.","Merlin : Ithi ! Aithusa leaves.","Arthur : Merlin ? Merlin ? Morgana appears.","Morgana : How good of you to save me the trouble of finding you. Arthur tries to take his sword.","Morgana : Oh, dear. How remiss of you. You bravery is matched only by your stupidity. What on earth dis you think you would achieve by coming here ?","Arthur : I'm here to free my men.","Morgana : Fleoge seax forth ! She send a knife to Arthur and wounds him.","Morgana : This time, it seems there really is no way out.","Arthur : I'm sorry about what our father did to you.","Morgana : Uther was never my father.","Arthur : We are brother and sister.","Morgana : Funny how you choose to remember that with my dagger at your back.","Arthur : What happened to you, Morgana ? As a child, you were so kind. So compassionate.","Morgana : I grew up. She wounds him a second time.","Morgana : You're right to cover before my hand. I am more powerful than you could ever imagine.","Arthur : And yet with all that, you choose to do nothing but hate.","Morgana : Uther taught me well. Goodbye Arthur Pendragon.","Merlin : Arthur ! Morgana sees Merlin and thrown into the air. He knocks in falling.","Arthur : Morgana. Mordred walks behind Morgana.","Arthur : Please. Morgana knocks Arthur.","Morgana : Don't speak dear brother. Merlin is ready to make magic.","Morgana : I's too late. Hine fordo ! Morgana gasps. Mordred stabbed Morgana.","Morgana : Mordred ? Mordred helps Arthur to get up. Merlin is still on the ground. Gwaine, Percival and the others found Arthur and Mordred.","Percival : Arthur. The creature approached Merlin.","Creature : Ic the thurhaele thinu licsar. Merlin wakes up.","Creature : Emrys. Lie still. Much blood has been shed this day. All all for something, few wise men would ever want.","Merlin : You mean the Diamair. Morgana never found it.","Creature : And she never will.","Merlin : Because it is you. You are the key to all knowledge. There are times when I feel the weight of my destiny crushing me, but that's nothing to what you carry.","Creature : It is both a blessing and a curse. Is there anything you wish to ask me ?","Merlin : No. I don't think it would be good.","Creature : You are wise Emrys. Your wisdom will live long in the minds of men.","Merlin : Wait. There is one question. If Mordred is not Arthur's bane, then who is ?","Creature : Himself. Camelot. Throne room.","Arthur : Arise Sir Mordred, knight of Camelot. Everybody applause. Mordred comes out of the throne room.","Merlin : Here. Let me help you with that.","Mordred : Thank you.","Merlin : You know, if Arthur knew you had magic, things would be very different. Tell me something.","Mordred : Of course.","Merlin : You saved Arthur's life. Why ?","Mordred : Because Arthur is right. The love that binds us is more important than the power we wield. Morgana had forgotten that. Merlin leaves. Gaius's room.","Gaius : It's been a big day. You must be tired. Too tired for pudding.","Merlin : Is there pudding ? Is that my favourite ?","Gaius : So, are you going to tell me what's troubling you ?","Merlin : Mordred.","Gaius : People change. Perhaps you should give him the benefit of the doubt.","Merlin : Remember what the dragon said ? Arthur would meet his end at the hands of a Druid.","Gaius : You still believe that's him.","Merlin : I feel that the die is cast. And that for good or ill, Albion's great trial has begun. Snowing place, Morgana wanders injured."],"Show Title":"Merlin","Episode Number":"05x02","Episode Title":"Arthur's Bane - Part Two","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"My_Little_Pony__Friendship_is_Magic_01x05.json","Recap":["Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash discover they share a common interest in playing harmless practical jokes on other ponies. Later, Rainbow Dash's childhood friend Gilda, a griffin , arrives and Pinkie finds herself left out of Rainbow Dash and Gilda's activities. When Pinkie sees Gilda acting rudely towards the other ponies around town, she becomes determined to cheer her up with a party. At the party, Gilda becomes the victim of several practical jokes, to which she blames Pinkie for them. However, Rainbow Dash admits to setting up the pranks. Gilda becomes frustrated and flies off, leaving Rainbow Dash to reaffirm her friendship with Pinkie."],"Transcript":["Pinkie Pie: Hoof-biting action overload! She was like a sun superstar, flying higher and higher, and then Rainbow Dash swooshed down-SWOOSH! and right before she hit the ground, SHOOM! she pulled up! (imitates motor revving)","Twilight: (distracted) Uh-huh. And then she looped around and around like \"whoom, whoom, whoom, whoom, whoom, whoom, WHOOM!\"","(Pinkie Pie crashes into ground)","Twilight: (distracted) Uh-huh.","(Rainbow Dash whooshing overhead)","(Twilight sighs with relief and flips page)","Pinkie Pie: Hey, Rainbow Dash!","Rainbow Dash: (groans, under breath) Pinkie Pie? Not again...","Rainbow Dash! Not now, Pinkie Pie!","Pinkie Pie: But-but, Rainbow Dash-","Rainbow Dash: I'm in the middle of something!","Pinkie Pie: But-","Rainbow Dash: I said, not now!","(crash, grunt)","(sliding down cliff)","Pinkie Pie: I was gonna tell you to look out for that mountain!","(Rainbow Dash grumbles)","(theme song begins) My Little Pony, My Little Pony, ah, ah, ah, ah,","(My Little Pony) Twilight: I used to wonder what friendship could be (My Little Pony) Until you all shared its magic with me","Rainbow Dash: Big adventure","Pinkie Pie: Tons of fun","Rarity: A beautiful heart","Applejack: Faithful and strong","Fluttershy: Sharing kindness","Twilight: It's an easy feat","All: And magic makes it all complete, yeah (My Little Pony) Do you know you're all my very best friends","(Pinkie Pie humming tunelessly)","Pinkie Pie: (sweetly) Hi! I'm looking for Rainbow Dash, have you seen her?","Pinkie Pie: Hi there! Have you seen Rainbow Dash?","Okay, thanks anyway.","Pinkie Pie: Twilight! Have you seen Rainbow Dash anywhere?","Twilight: ...Isn't she right up there?","Pinkie Pie: (singsong) Rainbow DA~SH!","(Rainbow Dash grunts frantically)","(whoosh)","Rainbow Dash: (out of breath) Phew...that was close...","Pinkie Pie: Hi!","(Rainbow Dash screams, whooshes off)","(whoosh)","(panting)","(whoosh)","(whoosh, whoosh, whoosh)","(water splashing lightly)","Pinkie Pie: (spits) I need a favor, Rainbow Dash.","Rainbow Dash: (screams, winds up) ...Aw, forget it.","(thud)","I tooootally promise it'll be tooootally fun! (sighs, resigned) Okay... Over to the right. Nono, a liiittle to the left. Oh wait, back to the right. Now, a liiiittle left-ish while staying rightly. Stop! Hmm...Maybe a few inches to the south! And now a couple centimeters north!","Pinkie Pie: Okay. One more smidgimeter to the-","Rainbow Dash: (exasperated) PINKIE PIIIIE!","Pinkie Pie: Uh, I mean, perfect! Now, wait for my signal.","(Spike humming My Little Pony theme)","(thunder, Spike screams)","(hiccup)","(Spike hiccuping, Pinkie Pie snickering)","Pinkie Pie: (laughing) Oh Rainbow Dash, we startled Spike into getting the hiccups!","(Rainbow Dash chuckles)","Spike: (laughing) Good one, Pinkie (hiccup) Pie! (hiccup)","You're always pullin' a fast one (hiccup) on me!","(hiccups fire, yelps)","Pinkie Pie: (worried) Oh no, you're not hurt, are you?","Spike: No- (hiccup) don't be (hiccup) silly, dragons are (hiccup) fireproof.","(pop)","Oh, okay. Good.","(Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash laugh uproariously)","Spike: (hiccups fire) I wish the same thing (hiccup) were true of scrolls...","(Princess Celestia gasps, scrolls clatter)","(Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash laugh)","(Spike hiccups fire repeatedly)","Have you ever SEEN anything more HILARIOUS?! I can think of ONE thing...","(thunder, Pinkie Pie shrieks)","(laughter punctuated by hiccups)","I didn't take you for a prankster, Pinkie Pie! Are you (exaggerated hiccup) kidding?! (exaggerated hiccup) I LOVE to pull pranks! It's all (exaggerated hiccup) in good fun, and Pinkie Pie lo- (hiccup) -oooves to have (hiccup) fun! (hiccup)","You know, Pinkie Pie, you're not as annoying as I thought!","(Pinkie Pie hiccup-snorts)","You wanna hang out?!","(Pinkie Pie hiccups)","That'd be- (hiccup, whoosh) I'd really (hiccup) When do (hiccup, whoosh) I mean (hiccup) Why would you (horn honks)","Rainbow Dash: A simple nod will do.","Pinkie Pie: (muffled) Mm-hmm.","Rainbow Dash: (whispering) Is she even home?","Pinkie Pie: (whispering) I don't know, but I think she called. (both snicker)","Rainbow Dash: There she is!","Rarity: Ooh!","(Rarity sniffs, whimpers lightly, sneezes repeatedly)","(Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash laugh)","(Pinkie Pie sneezes into distance)","(liquid pours, bubbles)","Twilight: Huh?!","(bubbling intensifies)","(explosion)","(Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash laughing uproariously)","(Applejack gasps)","Applejack: Land sakes!","(Rainbow Dash snickers)","(both laugh)","(apples impact, splash)","(Applejack chuckles)","(squeak)","(pump squeaks in Pinkie Pie's mouth)","Pinkie Pie: (muffled) Ish shomeone over dere?","Who we gonna squirt?! Who we gonna squirt?!","Rainbow Dash: (snickers) Fluttershy.","Pinkie Pie: (muffled) WHAT?! (spits) Nononononono. (insistent) We CAN'T prank Fluttershy, I mean, she's SO sensitive, it'll hurt her feelings, even our most harmless prank!","Rainbow Dash: Yeah...you're right. Huh... We need another victim who's made of tougher stuff. So, who's it gonna be?","Pinkie Pie: Oh! (giggles) I've got SOMEone in mind! (giggles) The TOUGHEST around! Awesome! Who?! Who?! Do I know them?","Pinkie Pie: (giggles) Oh, yes! (giggles) You're VERY close!","Rainbow Dash: (chuckles) Good one, Pinkie Pie!","(Rainbow Dash chuckles)","(both laugh)","(toy wobbles)","(Pinkie Pie blows party blower repeatedly)","Rise and shine, Rainbow Dash! It's a brand new day, and we've got a LOT of pranking to- Ooh...","Rainbow Dash: Mornin', Pink! (whoosh) Gilda, this is my gal pal, Pinkie Pie.","(metal riff)","Gilda: (disinterested) Hey. What's up?","Rainbow Dash: Pinkie, this is my griffon friend, Gilda.","Pinkie Pie: What's a griffon?","(metal bass line playing) Rainbow Dash: She's half-eagle, half-lion-","Gilda: And ALL awesome.","(metal bass line)","(Gilda and Rainbow Dash chuckling)","Rainbow Dash: Gilda's my best friend from my days at Junior Speedster flight camp. Hey! Remember the chant?! (derisively) Oh yeah, they made us recite it every morning. I'll never get that lame thing out of my head.","Rainbow Dash: Soooooo?","Gilda: (groan, monotone) Only for you, Dash.","Rainbow Dash: (spirited chanting) Junior Speedsters are our lives","Gilda: (bored chanting) Junior Speedsters are our lives","Rainbow Dash: (spirited) Sky-bound soars and daring dives","Gilda: (bored) Sky-bound soars and daring dives","Rainbow Dash: (spirited) Junior Speedsters, it's our quest","Gilda: (bored) Junior Speedsters, it's our quest","Rainbow Dash: (spirited) To someday be the very best","Gilda: (bored) To someday be the very best","(Pinkie Pie laughing and slapping hoof on ground)","Pinkie Pie: Oh, that was awesome, and it gave me a great idea for a prank! (grunts) Gilda, you game?","Huh. Well, I groove on a good prank as much as the next griffon, but Dash, you promised me we'd get a flying session in this morning. Yeah...uh...well, Pinkie Pie, you don't mind, do you?","Rainbow Dash: Gilda just got here. We'll catch up with you later!","Pinkie Pie: Oh...um...sure, no problem! Have fun, you guys! So I'll...just catch up with you... (sighs dejectedly) later...","(party blower blowing sad descending note)","(wind blowing)","(jets whoosh by)","(wind howling, Gilda streaks past)","(approaching jet, soft thud)","(both laughing)","Gilda: Whoa! That was sweet!","Just like old times.","Rainbow Dash: Yeah, only faster!","(brohoof)","So, now what?","Pinkie Pie: Hey there!","Both: Huh?","Pinkie Pie: It's later!","Pinkie Pie: And I caught up!","(Pinkie Pie bouncing on trampoline)","(Pinkie Pie bouncing)","Rainbow Dash: Pinkie Pie, you are so random!","(Pinkie Pie bouncing)","Gilda: Hey Dash, think you got enough gas left to beat me to that cloud?!","(Pinkie Pie bouncing)","Rainbow Dash: A race?! You are so on!","Gilda: One, two, three, GO! (whoosh)","Pinkie Pie: Hey...!","Rainbow Dash: I win!","Gilda: As IF. I won, dude!","Rainbow Dash: No way!","Gilda: Yes way!","Rainbow Dash: Oh come on, I was way ahead of you!","Gilda: Uh, I don't think so.","Rainbow Dash: Oh please, dream on. There is NO way you beat me.","Gilda: Remember back in camp? I-","Pinkie Pie: Wow, guys, that was really cool! But I think Rainbow Dash beat you by a teeny-weeny, itty-bitty little hair, or a teeny-weeny, itty-bitty feather!","Rainbow Dash: Hah, see?! Good thing Pinkie Pie's here to keep you honest, G!","Gilda: (irritated) Okay, Dash, last one to that cloud up there is a gnarly dragon egg. GO!","(whoosh)","(metal bass line)","Gilda: (hostile) I think the high altitude is making you dizzy.","(popping balloons)","Pinkie Pie: Wait! Guys-","(whoosh)","(whoosh)","(bizarre contraption noises)","Pinkie Pie: Oh, wow, you guys almost got away from me that time!","(bizarre contraption noises)","Gilda: So, Dash, got any new moves in your tricktionary,","(bizarre contraption noises) or are you % old school?","(bizarre contraption noises)","Rainbow Dash: New moves?! Hah! Sit back, G, this is gonna take a while.","(metal bass line)","Gilda: Hey Pinkie, c'mere.","Pinkie Pie: Yeah?","(metal bass line)","Gilda: (threatening) Don't you know how to take GET LOST for an answer?!","(metal bass line) (intimidating) Dash doesn't need to hang with a dweeb like YOU while I'M around.","(metal bass line) (mocking) You're dorkin' up the skies, Stinky Pie,","(metal bass line) (threatening) so make like a bee and BUZZ OFF!","(metal bass line)","(Pinkie Pie screaming and spinning)","(metal bass line)","Rainbow Dash: Try matching THAT! ...Hey, where's Pinkie Pie and her crazy contraption?","Gilda: Eh, she left. Something about being... (sardonic) ...as busy as a bee.","(contraption noises winding down, distorted)","(Pinkie Pie \"hmphs\")","Twilight: So, Pinkie Pie, are you sure that this friend of Rainbow Dash is really so mean?","Pinkie Pie: Um, YEAH! She keeps stealing Rainbow Dash away, she popped my balloons, and she told me to buzz off!","I've never met a griffon this mean! Well, actually, I've never met a griffon at all, but I bet if I had, she wouldn't have been as mean and grumpy as GILDA.","Twilight: You know what I think, Pinkie Pie?","Pinkie Pie: Hmm?","Twilight: (hesitantly) Well, I think...you're jealous.","Pinkie Pie: (incredulous) JEALOUS?!","Spike: Green with envy. Well, in your case, pink with envy.","Twilight: Well, yes. Jealous. Listen, Pinkie, I don't wanna upset you, but just because Rainbow Dash has another friend doesn't make Gilda a grump. I mean, perhaps it's YOU, Pinkie, who needs to improve her attitude.","Pinkie Pie: Improve MY attitude?! But I... (stammering) Gilda's a... (stammering) are you seri- (screams)","(door slams, Twilight sighs)","Maybe Twilight is right... Maybe Gilda isn't a big meany grumpy mean-meany-pants. Maybe I'm just a big jealous judgmental jealous-jealousy-pants.","(sighs dejectedly)","(slurping)","Gilda: (whoosh, laughs) That was sweet!","(Pinkie's hooves clatter on table)","Rainbow Dash: Uh, I gotta take care of a few weather jobs around here. Shouldn't take long. Just, uh, hang out in town and I'll come find ya.","Gilda: That's cool, I guess. (macho) I'm gonna go chow down!","Rainbow Dash: Later! (screams, shouts feebly) A RATTLER! A RATTLER!","RUN FOR THE HILLS! EVERYBODY FORSAKE YOURSELVES!","(slow, discordant banjo strumming)","This stuff ain't fresh, dude.","(discordant banjo strumming)","Pinkie Pie: Aw, poor Granny Smith! She didn't know it was a joke!","How mean! ...No, no, I can't misjudge her. (unsure) It was kind of a funny prank...I guess...","(chomps)","(gasps) I DID misjudge her! She's not only a meany mean-pants, she's also a thief! ...Nononono...she might give it back! It's just a joke!","Fluttershy: All right, little ones, this way, this way. Mama duck is free and clear.","Gilda: HEY.","Fluttershy: Please excuse me.","Gilda: (forcefully) I'm WALKIN' here.","Fluttershy: (meekly) Oh, um, I'm sorry...","Fluttershy: I-I was just trying to-","Gilda: (mocking in a whiny voice) I'm sorry! I'm sorry! (nastily) Why don't you just watch where you're GOING, DOOFUS?!","Fluttershy: (stammering) B-b-b-but I...","(inhales, roars like a lion)","(Fluttershy sobs)","(derisively) Ugh, please. All these lame ponies are driving me buggy. I gotta bail. (whoosh) She's a grump AND a thief AND a bully! The meanest kind of mean meany-pants there is! I can take it, but NO ONE treats Fluttershy like that!","NO. ONE.","This calls for EXTREME measures! Pinkie Pie style! (perky) Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!","Applejack: Who's this \"Gilda\" I've heard nothin' about?","Rarity: I hear she's an old friend of Rainbow Dash. A griffon! So rare.","Twilight: You've met Gilda, right? What's she like?","Fluttershy: Oh! Um, well...I'll tell you later, Twilight.","Pinkie Pie: Welcome! Welcome!","Fluttershy: Um, Pinkie Pie, about this party for Gilda, Um, do you really think it's a good idea? I mean-","Pinkie Pie: Don't worry your pretty little head about mean old Gilda! Your Auntie Pinkie Pie has got it aaall taken care of!","Fluttershy: I'm a year older than you.","Pinkie Pie: GILDA! I'm so honored to throw you one of my signature Pinkie Pie Parties! And I really, truly, sincerely hope you feel welcome here amongst all us ponyfolk!","(joy buzzer shocks Gilda)","(Gilda crashes to ground)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(ponies laughing)","(Pinkie Pie giggling)","Rainbow Dash: Oh, Pinkie Pie. The ol' hoof-shake buzzer! You are a SCREAM!","Gilda: (chuckles nervously) Yeah, uh, good one, Pinkie Pie.","Rainbow Dash: C'mon G, I'll introduce you to some of my other friends.","Gilda: Right behind you, Dash! (menacingly, under breath) I know what you're up to.","Pinkie Pie: (unfazed) Great!","Gilda: Grrr...I know what you're planning!","Pinkie Pie: (giggles, snorts) Well, I HOPE so! This wasn't supposed to be a SURPRISE party!","Gilda: I mean, I've got my eye on you.","Pinkie Pie: And I'VE got my eye on YOU! Everyone, I'd like you all to meet Gilda, a long-time dear friend of Rainbow Dash. Let's honor her and welcome her to Ponyville!","(ponies cheer)","Pinkie Pie: Please help yourself!","Gilda: Vanilla lemon drops! Don't mind if I do.","(gulps)","Gilda: (breathes fire, pants) HOOOOT!","Rainbow Dash: G, the punch!","(siren blaring)","(Gilda gasping, gulping)","Huh?!","Pinkie Pie: Well, whaddya know?! Pepper in the vanilla lemon drops, and the punch served in a dribble glass!","Rainbow Dash: Ha! Priceless, priceless! (laughing)","(Gilda gulps water, pants)","(sarcastic) Yeah. Hilarious.","Rainbow Dash: Hey G, look! Presents!","(pop, ponies laugh)","Applejack: Spittin' snakes! Heh, somepony pulled that prank on me last month!","(sardonic) Ha ha. I bet I know who THAT was.","Pinkie Pie: (quizzically) You do?","(ponies chatter)","Pinkie Pie: Cake time, everypony!","Spike: Hey! Can I blow out the candles?","Twilight: Why don't we let Gilda blow out the candles, Spike?","She IS the guest of honor, after all.","(Spike yelps, crashes into wall)","Gilda: EXACTLY.","(inhales sharply, blows)","(ponies laughing)","(Gilda blows repeatedly)","Spike: Relighting birthday candles! I LOVE that prank! What a classic!","Pinkie Pie: Now, I wonder who could've done that?","(metal bass line)","Gilda: (sardonic) Yeah. I wonder.","Spike: (splats into cake) Mm! Who cares, this cake is AMAZING!","Twilight: Spike!","Spike: (mouth full) What? It'sh great! Try shome!","Rainbow Dash: Hey G, you're not upset about some silly candles, are you?","Gilda: (false bravado) No way, Dash! Like I said, I'm down with a good prank.","Rainbow Dash: Come on, then! Let's have some cake.","(Pinkie Pie chomps, whimpers in confusion)","(metal bass line)","Gilda: (threateningly) Hey. I'm watching you. Like a hawk.","Pinkie Pie: (sweetly) Why? Can't you watch me like a griffon?","Applejack: Hey y'all! It's Pin the Tail on the Pony! Let's play!","Rarity: Oh, my FAVORITE game! Can I go first?! Can I have the purple tail?","Gilda: (self-importantly) Well, I'M the guest of honor! And I'LL have the purple tail!","Pinkie Pie: Yeah! Gilda should definitely go first! Let's get you blindfolded.","Gilda: Hey-what-what're you doing?! Augh!","(Gilda spinning)","Pinkie Pie: We're gonna spin you around and around, and then you pin the tail on the pony!","Pinkie Pie: Now, just walk straight ahead and pin the tail! Gilda: (mocking) Now, just walk straight ahead and pin the tail!","(sarcastic) Yeah, right. This is another prank, isn't it?","Gilda: I'M goin' this way.","Pinkie Pie: W-Wait...the poster is this w-","(Gilda screaming repeatedly, crashes)","Pinkie Pie: Uh, Gilda? You pinned the tail on the wrong end!","(ponies laugh)","(lion roar)","Gilda: (maliciously) THIS is your idea of a good time?!","I've NEVER met a lamer bunch of dweebs in all my life! And Pinkie Pie... YOU are Queen Lame-o with your weak little party pranks, Do you REALLY think you can make me lose my cool?! Well, Dash and I have ten TIMES as much cool as the REST of you put together! Come on, Dash, we're bailing on this PATHETIC scene. ...Come ON, Rainbow Dash!","I SAID, WE'RE LEAVING!","Rainbow Dash: ...Y'know, Gilda? I was the one who set up all those \"weak\" pranks at this party.","Gilda: (shocked) ...W-what?!","Pinkie Pie: Ooh.","Rainbow Dash: So I guess I'M Queen Lame-o.","Gilda: (nervously) Come on, Dash! You're joshin' me!","Rainbow Dash: They weren't all meant for you specifically. It was just dumb luck that you set them all off!","Pinkie Pie: I shoulda known! That dribble cup had \"Rainbow Dash\" written all over it!","Gilda: (indignant) No. Way. It was Pinkie Pie! She set up this party to trip me up, to make a fool of me!","Pinkie Pie: Me?! I threw this party to improve your attitude! I thought a good party might turn that frown upside-down!","Rainbow Dash: And you sure didn't need any help making a fool of yourself! You know, this is not how I thought my OLD friends would treat my NEW friends! If being cool is all you care about, maybe you should go find some new COOL friend someplace else.","(Gilda growls)","Gilda: (stumbling over words) Yeah?! Well...you....you...","YOU are such a...a FLIP-FLOP! Cool one minute and lame the next. When YOU decide not to be lame anymore, gimme a call.","(door slams)","Rainbow Dash: Not. Cool.","Spike: Wow. Talk about a party pooper.","(ponies chatter about Gilda)","Rainbow Dash: I'm sorry, everypony, for bringing Gilda here.","I didn't know how rude she was. And Pinkie Pie, I'm really sorry she ruined that awesome party you put on for her.","Pinkie Pie: Hey, if you wanna hang out with party poopers, that's your business.","Rainbow Dash: I'd rather hang out with you.","Rainbow Dash: No hard feelings?","Pinkie Pie: No hard feelings.","(joy buzzers shock both)","(ponies laugh)","Twilight: Hey, Pinkie. Sorry I accused you of misjudging Gilda.","Looks like I'm the one who misjudged you.","Pinkie Pie: It's okay, Twilight! Even you can't be a super smart smarty smart-pants all the time! Come on everypony, there's still a whole lotta party to finish!","(ponies cheer)","Twilight: (voice-over) \"Dearest Princess Celestia,","Today I learned that it's hard to accept when somepony you like wants to spend time with somepony who's not so nice. Though it's impossible to control who your friends hang out with, it is possible to control your own behavior. Just continue to be a good friend. In the end, the difference between a false friend and one who's true will surely come to light. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.\"","Princess Celestia: (voice-over) \"Dear Twilight Sparkle, my most faithful student...\" (aloud) Oh! (giggles) Wrong ink!","(sighs, laughs)","(ending theme begins) My Little Pony My Little Pony","(instrumental)","My Little Pony, friends"],"Show Title":"My Little Pony Friendship is Magic","Episode Number":"01x05","Episode Title":"Griffon the Brush-Off","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"NCIS_01x10.json","Recap":["Kate immediately develops a close, personal bond with a young woman ( Sherilyn Fenn ) suffering from amnesia after she wakes up and crawls from her grave in a national park following a possible murder attempt. Her memory is completely blank but the woman or \"Jane Doe\" claims to remember that a bomb is present on a Navy ship and that people will die unless it is found, leading Gibbs and the team on a hunt for the bomb and also to find Jane's true identity. But unknown to Kate and the team, Jane is actually lying to Kate as she is already beginning to secretly remember her past and is probably planning something to strike back against her employers, something that might end in bloodshed not only for her but could affect Gibbs and his team as well."],"Transcript":["MUSIC IN:","EXT. PARK ROAD - NIGHT","(SFX: CAR DRIVES PAST)","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/","CAMERA PANS OVER THE GROUND)","(SFX: EARTH MOVES B.G.)","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/WOMAN CLIMBS FROM A GRAVE AND RUNS UP THE HILL TO THE ROAD)","WOMAN: (SHOUTS) Stop! Stop!","(CAR BRAKES TO A STOP)","DRIVER: Did your car run off the road?","WOMAN: I don't think so. I was buried.","TOM: Buried?!","WOMAN: Back there.","TOM: Ellie, call nine one one!","WOMAN: No.","TOM: Easy. Easy. I just want to get you in the car. It's warm. What's your name?","WOMAN: I don't know!","TOM: You're in shock. You'll remember in time.","WOMAN: There isn't any time!","(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE OF DESTROYER EXPLODING)","WOMAN: There's a bomb!","TOM: A what?","WOMAN: A bomb on a ship! A Navy ship! People are going to die! People are going to die!","(CUT TO BLACK)","(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE\/ SCENES\/ CREDITS AND OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. BASEMENT - DAY","VOICE ON TV: U.S. farm report. America's longest running agri-business news program.(SFX: PHONE RINGS B.G.)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs.","TONY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Hey, boss. Rise and shine.","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Oh. Zero five twenty. That's all I get. I'm up. Are you at the office?(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, the boiler blew in my apartment so... it knocked out the power. I won't have any heat or electricity for a month.","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Fall asleep working on your boat again?","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Why do you say that....?","TONY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Boss, I know the Farm Report when I hear it.","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: (INTO PHONE) You only have one TV and it's in your basement.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) What do you got, DiNozzo?","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: (INTO PHONE) A motorist picked up a Jane Doe in Rock Creek Park. Claimed she dug herself out of a grave. No ID. And guess what?","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) She can't remember her name?","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, how'd you know that?","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Well, uh... she's alive and you're calling her Jane Doe. What was my first clue?","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Oh, yeah. That's right.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Well, it's also obvious that she has no I.D. so she was probably wearing a uniform.","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Ah ha ha! She wasn't! So why did the cops call NCIS?","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Now tell me that.","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: (INTO PHONE) She told them there's a bomb on a Navy ship.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Hospital?","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Georgetown University.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Get Kate over there. I'll call Ducky and meet you outside the office in twenty.","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Hey listen, since um, you know...","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) ...you're always up all night working on your boat downstairs...","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) No, you cannot stay at my place. Remember last time?","(SFX: DIAL TONE)","(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","(TV ANNOUNCER B.G.)","(GIBBS SIPS HIS COFFEE)","GIBBS: Oh...","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. PARK WOODS - DAY","DUCKY: It's not very deep.","GIBBS: Hastily dug graves rarely are.","DUCKY: Do you know why graves are six feet deep, Gibbs?","GIBBS: I do.","DUCKY: Six feet is the minimum depth at which the smell of a decomposing corpse cannot attract wild animals. Of course, there are exceptions. A polar bear can smell...","GIBBS: Duck, I said I knew.","DUCKY: Sorry.","TONY: No tracks. Whoever buried her may have parked on the street and used the hiking trail. The park rangers circle hourly at night, so he'd have to move pretty fast to be parked on the road.","GIBBS: Well, that goes with the shallow grave. Our digger was in a hurry. Okay, let's get to work.","DUCKY: I don't have a body.","GIBBS: Go find one, Duck.","DUCKY: Here?","GIBBS: Sure. How many times have we had multiple victims?","DUCKY: Quite right, Jethro.","(DUCKY WALKS O.S.)","TONY: (CHUCKLES) That's slick, Boss.","GIBBS: What's that?","TONY: Getting Ducky off so he wouldn't bug us with one of those stories about... (BEAT)..we'd better get back to work.","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. HOSPITAL - DAY","SANDERSON: Her amnesia can be rooted in a number of causes. She suffered blunt force trauma to the cranium. There was some petechial hemorrhaging which is--","KATE: Whoa. Petechial?","SANDERSON: I'm sorry. Um... pinpoint hemorrhaging on her eyelids. It's from a lack of oxygen.","KATE: She came close to suffocating in that grave?","SANDERSON: Very close. And as if the physical traumas weren't enough, one has to consider the emotional trauma of being buried alive.","KATE: That would shake me up.","SANDERSON: It's one of our oldest fears, next to being eaten by a wild animal.","KATE: I hadn't considered that one.","SANDERSON: Well, perhaps not consciously. Um... Jung postulated that we genetically inherited our primordial fears which can be triggered by smells or sounds. Oh! I'll never forget my first trip to Africa. There was a moment where...","KATE: (OVERLAP) Are you by any chance related to a Doctor Mallard?","SANDERSON: Mallard? No, I don't think so.","KATE: Just wondering. When will she regain her memory?","SANDERSON: Well, it could happen in a flash or slowing over a period of days, weeks, even months. Now her memory of being buried may never return.","KATE: Where are they taking her?","SANDERSON: For a CT scan and a neurological consult.","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","EXT. WOODS - DAY","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) No, you will not put her picture on TV.","KATE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) I really...","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I want whoever did this to think she's still dead. No, Kate. No. Our priority is finding the bomb. (TO TONY) She's bonded.","TONY: Kate and Jane Doe?","GIBBS: Oh, yeah. She hasn't even questioned her yet. (IMITATING KATE) Her eyes... they just pleaded for help.","TONY: I love that look in a woman.","DUCKY: (V.O.) I couldn't find a body.","TONY: Sorry.","DUCKY: How did you two do?","GIBBS: I found a couple of arrowheads.","DUCKY: Ah! Yeah - this one's an arrowhead, but this one's a shark's tooth. And oh... not more than a few thousand years old.","TONY: That recent?","DUCKY: Oh yes. Any older and it would be blackened and fossilized.","TONY: How'd it get into Rock Creek Park?","DUCKY: Oh, Pre-Colombian Indians - they either found a dead shark on the shore or procured it from a Casimoroid tribe. We have to notify ARPA.","GIBBS: After we're done here.","DUCKY: Come on, Gibbs. It's a two hundred and fifty thousand dollar fine for disturbing an archeological site.","GIBBS: Crime site first, Duck.","TONY: You know, I was just thinking. Since the arrowhead and shark's tooth were here before Jane Doe was buried....never mind.","DUCKY: Wouldn't it be fascinating if our Jane Doe was unknowingly interred atop a prehistoric burial? It's happened to me once before you know. In sixty eight.... Or was it sixty seven? No matter.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. EMERGENCY ROOM - DAY","KATE: I appreciate your letting me do this.","WOMAN: I'd like to know who I am, too.","KATE: I'll need your clothes.","WOMAN: My clothes?","KATE: If you handled explosives, our forensic people will find particles on your clothing.","WOMAN: Of course.","KATE: Can I have your right hand please?","WOMAN: I think I've done this before.","KATE: If so, that's good news. You'll be on somebody's database.","WOMAN: The FBI's terrorist list?","KATE: You have to stop thinking like that.","WOMAN: How am I to think? I know there's a bomb on a Navy ship and I put it here!","KATE: Do you remember placing it?","WOMAN: No. But I know it's there.","KATE: Well, knowing it's there doesn't mean you placed it. Does it?","WOMAN: No. I suppose not.","(VOICE OVER P.A. B.G.)","(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENES OF INSIDE THE CHURCH)","KATE: What is it?","WOMAN: I remember being in a church.","KATE: Which church?","WOMAN: I... don't know.","KATE: You will.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. PARK WOODS - DAY","DUCKY: We found a forty seventy caliber bullet lodged in the Comanche's femur. Now since the forty seventy cavalry carbine was introduced in eighteen seventy three we have an approximate date to work with.","TONY: Speaking of dates to work from. We've worked together for two years and you know, I have no idea where you live.","DUCKY: Well, I'd just as well we kept it that way, Tony.","TONY: Right.","GIBBS: Well, hello.","DUCKY: Ah, another artifact?","GIBBS: Only if your Pre-Colombians used keys.","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. NCIS","ABBY: I suppose you want me to find out what chastity belt this opens.","GIBBS: Do I look like DiNozzo?","TONY: Not funny, Boss. Besides, I could open a chastity belt.","ABBY: Did you ever see one? Mine's awesome. It's eighteenth century French.","TONY: You have a chastity belt?","GIBBS: So much more information than I need to know about Abby, and not enough about this key.","ABBY: The key opens a magnetized lock. Instead of serrations, magnets repel magnetized pins.","GIBBS: Hotel room?","ABBY: Possibly. But it could be any high security lock. There's no logos or serial numbers. But a magnetic code is like a fingerprint. So it'll lead me back to whatever system made the code on the key.","KATE: Hospital called. The rape kit's negative. Anything on her prints or clothing?","ABBY: Nothing on the fingerprints yet, but the gas chromatograph should be giving me something on her clothes soon.","GIBBS: Hey, how was your interview?","KATE: It's sad, Gibbs. She's trying so hard. She desperately wants to help.","GIBBS: I'm glad. But did she remember anything?","KATE: She did. She thinks that she's been fingerprinted before.","TONY: Terrorist.","KATE: And she remembers praying in church. She's not the terrorist type, Tony.","TONY: Oh, so you're thinking more Emma Thompson than Angelina Jolie?","(SFX: BEEP TONES B.G.)","ABBY: Got a whup!","GIBBS: What kind of whup, Abby? Abby?","ABBY: Okay, um... this hit is erythritol. It's used in low-carb sweeteners. And this spike is trimethylene. It's found in polyester fibers. Dinitrate is a common angina medication. And this is glycol, and glycol is antifreeze.","TONY: So Jane Doe uses low-carb sweetener, wears polyester, puts her own anti-freeze in her car and has a heart condition.","ABBY: Or she's mixing up a brew to go boom! Big time. All these chemicals are used in high grade explosives.","(MUSIC OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY","WOMAN: I don't know which is worse. Not knowing who you are... or knowing you're a terrorist.","KATE: The chemicals on your clothing do not make you a terrorist. I told you they have other uses.","WOMAN: My heart's fine. I hate polyester. I don't like artificial sweetener.","KATE: How do you know?","WOMAN: I just know. Like... I know I don't like strawberries, but I love blueberries. I know what I like and what I don't like, Agent Todd. I just don't know who I am, what I do or where I live.","KATE: Okay, let's say the residue was from the explosives. It could have come from a...a legitimate occupation.","WOMAN: What? I'm an explosiver hersteller? Explosiver hersteller. That means explosive maker in German! How do I know that?","KATE: Maybe it's your job title? Sprechen sie Deutsch?","WOMAN: No.","KATE: Okay, maybe it's a German firm here. If you worked in Germany you would know the language. You realize what this can mean?","WOMAN: Yeah. It means that I could have put a bomb on a Navy ship.","KATE: Or... you know who did and they tried to kill you.","WOMAN: You think?","KATE: I do.","WOMAN: Why do you believe in me?","KATE: Why do you like blueberries?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY","SANDERSON: I can't release a woman who doesn't know her name, Agent Gibbs.","GIBBS: What's the neurological consult say?","SANDERSON: She's in no medical danger, but she doesn't know who she is, where she lives, her phone number, anything! I can't release her!","KATE: Yes, you can, Doctor. Tell them, Maureen.","WOMAN: My name's Maureen Ingalls. I live at six twenty Niagara Street in Alexandria. I don't think I ever remembered my phone number.","GIBBS: You remember who buried you?","KATE: She may always block that memory. Isn't that right, Doctor?","SANDERSON: Yes. Most traumatic amnesiacs never recall the event which triggered the memory loss. In fact, I have a case where there were three accident victims who...","TONY: (OVERLAP) What if her attacker returns?","KATE: She'll be in protective custody at my place.","SANDERSON: So you'll assume responsibility for signing her out?","KATE: Of course.","SANDERSON: I still suggest she stays for another twenty four hours, but since she's recovered her memory, I...","KATE: Thank you, Doctor. Oh, and Ms. Ingalls has no clothes. So can she borrow a set of greens?","SANDERSON: No problem. Follow me, please.","KATE: I'll join you in a minute.","(SANDERSON AND WOMAN WALK O.S.)","GIBBS: Okay, who's Maureen Ingalls?","KATE: How do you know she isn't? (BEAT) My cousin.","TONY: That was a quick fold.","GIBBS: Kate, do you realize the laws you're violating by signing her out when you know she's lying?","KATE: Her memory is already coming back, Gibbs. She remembered the German word for \"explosive fabricator.\"","TONY: She speaks German?","KATE: No, but I think she makes explosives for a German firm here.","TONY: Or a German terrorist cell with ties to Al Qaeda.","KATE: Well, since Al Qaeda is not listed in the Yellow Pages, let's start checking German munition makers first.","TONY: Whoa. What's with you and Jane Doe?","KATE: She'll be occupying my spare bedroom so I don't have to say no to you.","TONY: Oh, did I ask? Did I?","GIBBS: Why are you doing this, Kate?","KATE: She's terrified, Gibbs. I should think my place would be more conducive to her recovering her memory than a hospital. And we need to find that bomb.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS LAB - DAY","(MUSIC PLAYS B.G.)","ABBY: Gotcha!","GIBBS: Love to hear that word out of your dark lips, Abby.","ABBY: Hey guys. What did you find?","TONY: Kate willing to give her bedroom to Jane Doe and not me.","ABBY: Shocking.","GIBBS: The gotcha?","ABBY: You were right, Gibbs. I matched the magnetic code to a system made by MagSecure. It's a hotel key.","GIBBS: You got a list of the hotels?","ABBY: MagSecure's faxing it over. It'll be here shortly.","TONY: What's that on the top?","ABBY: A scratch.","TONY: Mm, that's more than a scratch.","ABBY: You might actually be right.","TONY: Want to know what my vision is?","GIBBS: No.","TONY: Twenty ten. Same as Ted Williams. He could see the seams on a fastball coming at him.","GIBBS: How about knuckles?","(SFX: BEEP TONES)","ABBY: Whoa.","GIBBS: Whoa. How did someone etch letters that small?","ABBY: Micro-laser. It was developed to put serial numbers on diamonds. The numbers are invisible to the naked eye...","TONY: Not mine.","ABBY: .... so the thieves think their heist is fence-able and then wham - they get five to ten.","GIBBS: Why use them on a room key?","ABBY: Maybe somebody was playing with the hotel's new toy. Like when photocopiers first came out and people were copying everything from C-notes to their butts.","TONY: You sat your naked butt on a photocopier, didn't you, Abby.","ABBY: Yep.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. KATE'S APARTMENT - DAY","WOMAN: (V.O.) This is you with the President.","KATE: I used to be with the Secret Service on Air Force One.","WOMAN: Why'd you leave?","KATE: Work at NCIS is more interesting.","WOMAN: Than flying around the country with the President?","KATE: Well, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Constantly on edge. Worried that some nut is going to take a shot at him.","WOMAN: Or blow him up.","KATE: Try this sweater and pants. They should fit all right.","WOMAN: I've been trying to recall that ship. I know it's not a carrier.","KATE: Submarine?","WOMAN: No.","KATE: There are no active battleships so it would have to be a cruiser or a destroyer.","(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES B.G.)","WOMAN: They look the same.","KATE: Not to the Navy.","WOMAN: No, it's one of them I'm sure of it. Can't you just search them?","KATE: Well, these aren't two ships. They're two classes of ships. There are eighteen destroyers and seven cruisers in Norfolk alone.","WOMAN: Oh. I wish I could give you a name.","KATE: Maybe you can.","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. NCIS LAB - DAY","(MUSIC B.G.)","ABBY: It looks like they're only three hotels in the D.C. area that use MagSecure keys.","TONY: And the phone number for the Jackson is five five five...","GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Triple five zero one hundred.","TONY: Do you got contact lenses?","GIBBS: Nope. (INTO PHONE) Can I talk to your manager, please?","TONY: Laser surgery?","GIBBS: No. DiNozzo, put a sock in it. Contact the rest of these hotels. (INTO PHONE) Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS. Navy Criminal Investigative Service.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. KATE'S HOUSE - DAY","WOMAN: I never knew the Navy had so many ships.","KATE: Yeah, these are just the cruisers and destroyers.","WOMAN: Some of the names sound familiar.","KATE: The cruisers are named after battles and the destroyers are named after Naval heroes.","WOMAN: None of them ring a bell, so to speak.","KATE: It was worth a shot.","(WOMAN SIGHS)","KATE: What's wrong?","WOMAN: I just feel a little dizzy.","KATE: Maybe I should take you back to the hospital.","WOMAN: No! No. I think... I'm just weak from hunger. I don't remember the last time I ate.","KATE: Well we'd better get you some food then.","(KATE OPENS THE CLOSET DOOR)","WOMAN: I think I have a coat like this.","KATE: Are you sure?","WOMAN: The texture...and these buttons. Yeah. I'm positive.","KATE: It's a Michael B. There's only a few stores that carry his line.","WOMAN: Let's go.","KATE: First we eat.","WOMAN: Food can wait. Finding the bomb is more important.","KATE: You never know when you get to eat on my job.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS LAB - DAY","TONY: None of the hotels micro-etch their keys.","ABBY: Well, somebody etched \"The Apartment\" on that key.","GIBBS: Maybe a permanent resident. What hotels besides the Jackson take permanent residents?","TONY: Neither of them.","GIBBS: We'll need a search authorization.","TONY: How'd you know that Jackson had permanent residents?","GIBBS: I just did.","TONY: Did you used to live there once, Boss? Or...","GIBBS: No.","TONY: Did you know someone who lives there...","GIBBS: My ex-wife lives there.","TONY: Oh. Oh. So you didn't read the phone number, you knew it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. MICHAEL'S DESIGN SHOP","KATE: Anything familiar? The sound of the traffic outside, the smell of the clothing ...anything?","SALESWOMAN: It's been a while, hasn't it?","WOMAN: You remember me?","SALESWOMAN: Oh, no. Your coat's about three years old. Still looks great, though. You know, you should check out his new line. It's really fantastic.","WOMAN: I prefer black.","SALESWOMAN: Oh, of course.","(DOOR OPENS)","KATE: Do you recognize him?","WOMAN: He reminds me of the man that attacked me.","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - DAY","TONY: Very expensive-looking, Boss. I hope she's not sticking you with the...","GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Has Mister Richter had a suite here for long?","MANAGER: Over two years.","GIBBS: Then you know him well?","MANAGER: Well, not really. If the residents don't call us with a problem, we respect their privacy. Here we are, suite eighty seven hundred. Oh, my.","(DOOR OPENS)","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. DESIGNER SHOP - DAY","KATE: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs. She just remembered the man who attacked her.","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Okay. Did she give you a name?","KATE: (INTO PHONE) Well, he's Caucasian, bald, late forties and when he attacked her he was wearing a...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. HOTEL ROOM","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) ...blue blazer...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. DESIGNER SHOP","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Blue shirt, burgundy tie with a blue stripe?","KATE: (INTO PHONE) You found him?","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Oh, yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. HOTEL ROOM","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) We found him.","(MUSIC UP AND OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY","KOCHIFIS: You're telling me the suits from Hoover didn't save the man?","TONY: Hell, no. It was N-C-I-us.","KOCHIFIS: Not according to the TV reports.","TONY: Yeah, well when do they get it right? (TO GIBBS) Boss, this is Detective Andy Kochifis, Homicide - cut me some slack on the Major Kerry investigation.","GIBBS: Maybe he'll do it again.","KOCHIFIS: What? I do it once and I'm a whore?","GIBBS: A courtesan, maybe. Richter had a year's lease, it's not the home address on his driver's license.","TONY: There's no clothes in the closet. No photos. Just hotel amenities.","GIBBS: Check the booze.","TONY: Oh, yeah. That's not hotel stock. Macallan Eighteen, Belvedere and Bombay Sapphire.","KOCHIFIS: Could be a beltway bandit who leased this suite for company entertainment.","GIBBS: In his own name?","KOCHIFIS: Tony said an amnesia case led you here.","GIBBS: Yeah, found a key to this place in Jane Doe's grave.","KOCHIFIS: I thought she was alive.","TONY: Yeah, she woke up taking a dirt nap in Rock Creek Park and did a Dracula.","KOCHIFIS: That's a new one.","GIBBS: Whoever buried her thinks she's dead. I'd like to keep it that way.","KOCHIFIS: Okay. But why do you want the lead on the investigation?","GIBBS: There may be a Navy terrorist attack in the mix. We'd just like to keep it all in one ball of wax.","TONY: Yeah, look how well we did last time, huh...","KOCHIFIS: Not according to--","TONY: To the TV, yeah. I know, don't rub it in.","KOCHIFIS: All right, look. If our M.E.'s cool, so am I.","DIGGER: Ducky, I should do this autopsy.","DUCKY: Now Digger, I can cite you a dozen cases where the local authority was usurped by an ongoing Federal investigation. Look at Lincoln's assignation. He was shot at the Ford Theater only a few blocks from here. Now that is an autopsy I would--","(SFX: RAPID BEEP TONES)","DUCKY: Seventy one point nine.","DIGGER: (OVERLAP) Seventy two point three.","DUCKY: My god, Digger. When did your department last update its field kits? Your probe is so old it could've been used on Typhoid Mary. Were you as amazed by her story as I was Digger? A healthy woman making all those people sick and not having a clue. Can you imagine not having a clue, Digger?","DIGGER: You know, you're right. Our equipment is outdated. We're backed up at the lab anyway. He's all yours, Ducky. (TO KOCHIFIS) NCIS will handle the autopsy.","KOCHIFIS: Okay, Aldridge.","GIBBS: What'd he die from, Duck?","GIBBS: A blunt object to the back of the head. Yes, I believe we'll find blood in hair. Well, blood on an object here. One of the bookends, the obelisk. The crystal ashtray. I hope he didn't suffer the indignity of being whacked by this tawdry bust of President Kennedy.","GIBBS: Tony.","TONY: I'm on it.","GIBBS: Was he murdered before our Jane Doe was buried?","DUCKY: Liver temperature was close to room temperature. So he deceased at least eighteen hours ago.","GIBBS: You didn't answer my question.","DUCKY: Jethro, I don't answer forensic questions I don't know the answers to. You know that. Why do you keep asking me?","GIBBS: Force of habit.","TONY: Bad news, Ducky. It looks like blood on the Kennedy bust.","DUCKY: Oh, you poor man!","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. CAF\u00e9 - NIGHT","WOMAN: What kind of person am I to be involved in this?","KATE: Well, we don't know what the \"this\" is yet or how you're involved. And bad things happen to good people all the time. I sound like a self-help book.","WOMAN: No, you've been wonderful to me. And I deeply appreciate it, Kate. I just wish I could remember more.","KATE: So the name Walter Richter means nothing to you?","WOMAN: Nothing. Will I have to look at his body?","KATE: Maybe not. We're running a background check and we'll find out how he's connected to you - if he's connected to you at all.","WAITRESS: Here you are.","KATE: I'm starving. How about you?","WOMAN: Famished.","(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE IN RESTAURANT)","KATE: Tell me what you're seeing.","WOMAN: A sad and lonely woman.(WOMAN CRIES B.G.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS LAB - DAY","ABBY: Guys, this is weird.","TONY: Ducky didn't like it either. Said it was tawdry.","ABBY: Oh, no no. The bust is cool. It's what I found that's weird. There's a partial palm print on this bust of Kennedy. And if you remember your history, there was a partial palm print on the Mannlicher rifle used to assassinate Kennedy.","TONY: Don't tell me that you tried to match them?","ABBY: No, there's not enough of a print there to match. But I just thought it'd be cool to try.","GIBBS: Are you saying that our palm print may be useless for identification?","ABBY: Yes. But don't you think that's weird? That the Kennedy bust and the Kennedy murder weapon both have partial palm prints.","GIBBS: That's not what I think is weird, Ab. What about the latents you found at the hotel room?","ABBY: Um... there were some unknowns and some matches. The ones on the crystal tumbler and the Macallan belong to the victim. But what's going to make your day is the latent you lifted off the desk. The one on the left side Kate took off Jane Doe in the hospital. On the right side... is your print from the desk.","TONY: Oh, they match.","ABBY: Fourteen Galton points.","GIBBS: Jane Doe was in that hotel suite.","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. AUTOPSY LAB - DAY","DUCKY: Our victim died from a subdural hematoma caused by a skull fracture. I believe we'll find that this impression in the parietal lobe will match that on the gaudy bust of President Kennedy.","GIBBS: Got a time of death yet?","DUCKY: Well, due to the fixed lividity, the degree of putrefaction, the level of Escherichia coli in the stomach and digestive tract...","GIBBS: Ducky!","DUCKY: At least forty four hours ago. That's the best I can do with any certainly.","GIBBS: Our Jane Doe was found at zero three fifty, Monday. Less than two days ago.","DUCKY: It's safe to say our guest didn't put her in the ground.","GIBBS: None of this is getting us to a bomb on a ship, Duck.","TONY: Ah, but it is, Boss. Background on Richter. He was head of Security for a German firm. B-B-B. What is with the Germans and the alphabet thing? B-M-W, B-M-G, B-A-S-F. And they're all B's.","GIBBS: I'm resisting the urge to say cut the B.S.","TONY: B-F-F stands for Bombe Fermentdeckung Fabrik.","GIBBS: Tell me that bombe means the same in German as it does in English.","TONY: (IN GERMAN) Jawohl mein Kapitan. (IN ENGLISH) B-F-F makes bomb detecting devices for the U.S. Navy.","GIBBS: Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. OFFICE - DAY","BRAUER: In a hotel?","GIBBS: The Jackson.","BRAUER: (IN GERMAN) Mein Gott! (IN ENGLISH) Suite eighty seven hundred? I was there Friday.","TONY: To kill Richter?","BRAUER: No. How could you ask such a question?","TONY: It's my job.","BRAUER: I take it you don't have the murderer, Agent Gibbs.","TONY: What were you doing at The Jackson Friday?","BRAUER: We maintain a suite there. Two of our senior engineers were over from Berlin. We had drinks before dinner.","GIBBS: Why is the room leased in Richter's name?","BRAUER: Ours is a very competitive business. We don't want our arrivals knowing where our firm puts our people. Maids have been bribed. Phones bugged.","TONY: People murdered.","BRAUER: That's a first for us.","GIBBS: It may not be the last.","TONY: Who's your explosiver hersteller?","BRAUER: Suzanne McNeil. Is she dead, too?","GIBBS: Do you have a photo of her?","BRAUER: Yes, in our personnel records.","GIBBS: What kind of work does she do for you?","BRAUER: She formulates explosives for our testing aids. Please tell me Suzanne is not dead.","TONY: Suzanne is not dead.","(BRAUER STOPS TYPING)","GIBBS: Whoops.","TONY: Big whoops.","GIBBS: You looked kind of surprised to find out she is alive, Brauer.","BRAUER: Yeah. You tell me Walter has been murdered. You say he may not be the only one. Then you ask me about Suzanne. Of course I assume that she is dead, too.","(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES)","BRAUER: This is Suzanne McNeil.","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. ELEVATOR - DAY","KATE: Are you sure you're ready to do this?","WOMAN: I don't know. But if it can help me regain my memory, I guess I have no choice, right?","KATE: Come on.","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. NCIS AUTOPSY ROOM","KATE: Doctor Mallard, this is Jane Doe.","DUCKY: Hello.","WOMAN: Doctor.","(SFX: DOOR OPENS\/BODY SLIDES OUT)","DUCKY: Ready?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. HOTEL ROOM - FLASHBACK","RIVERS: There is six months of severance here. I advise you take it and look for new worlds to conquer.","(WOMAN HITS RICHTER ON THE HEAD WITH THE BUST)","(END FLASHBACK)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. AUTOPSY ROOM","KATE: Anything?","WOMAN: Nothing. Poor man.","DUCKY: Yes.","(MUSIC OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. ATRIUM - DAY","(VOICES IN GERMAN B.G.)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Her name's Suzanne McNeil. (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) She formulates explosives for B.F.F.","KATE: Well if she put a bomb on a ship it could be for a test.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I've e-mailed her personnel file to you. She's got a Top Security clearance. It'll be like telling her life story.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) She didn't recognize Richter?","KATE: (INTO PHONE) No. No. All she felt was sympathy for him.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) She got all teary eyed over a body she didn't know?","(SCENE CUT)","KATE: (INTO PHONE) She's a nice lady, Gibbs.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Oh, yeah. So you keep telling me.","(CAMERA ANGLE ON TONY AND WOMAN)","KATE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Does Brauer know that she lost her memory?","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Maybe. He knows she's alive. He's not in cuffs.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) He probably thinks she's unconscious or too traumatized to remember.","KATE: (INTO PHONE) Are you sure he buried her?","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Oh, yeah.","KATE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Why did he want her dead?","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I've got a couple of ideas.","(SCENE CUT)","KATE: (INTO PHONE) Want to share?","(GIBBS HANGS UP THE PHONE\/END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","KATE: I guess not. (TO WOMAN) Suzanne!","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. ATRIUM - DAY","(ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN)","BRAUER: I'll be with you in a moment.","TONY: You see, you told that to Gibbs a half hour ago. Look at the expression on his face. Not good. Make this one a quickie.","BRAUER: (IN GERMAN) Ich weiss...","(TONY WALKS TO GIBBS)","GIBBS: DiNozzo....","TONY: Sorry, Boss. This guy's Webster's definition of a micro-manager. People need his permission to take a whiz.","GIBBS: I could have gone for coffee. What'd you pick up? Anything?","TONY: No. Give me a few minutes with his girl and...","(GIBBS HITS DINOZZO)","TONY: (BEAT) ...from the little English I heard, the new \"Bombe Snuffler\" isn't snuffling so good. Brauer's worried it won't pass Navy acceptance trials Thursday.","GIBBS: Test? On a Navy ship?","TONY: If I heard there were going to be tests on a Navy ship, do you think we'd still be standing here, Boss?","GIBBS: Oh, sorry. Forgot your minds work concurrently. Where is this test taking place?","TONY: In some lab here.","BRAUER: I apologize for the delay, Agent Gibbs. What would you like to see first?","GIBBS: The lab where you're conducting the Navy test on Thursday.","BRAUER: Why do you want to go there?","GIBBS: Your Security of Security is dead. NCIS is tasked with protecting Navy brass.","BRAUER: You think terrorists killed him?","GIBBS: These days I look for terrorists behind most everything.","BRAUER: Of course. Ja. This way, please.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY","KATE: Suzanne McNeil... this is your life.","SUZANNE: Hmm. You read it?","KATE: Yes.","SUZANNE: Is there anything I wouldn't want to know?","KATE: The sad and lonely woman? There's plenty of time for a husband and kids, Suzanne.","SUZANNE: The good ones are all married.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. BUILDING - DAY","GIBBS: How well did you know Suzanne McNeil?","BRAUER: Oh, didn't she tell you?","GIBBS: I'd like your opinion on her relationship.","BRAUER: Well, I know Suzanne quite well professionally. She is one of my key employees.","TONY: Kind of sexy, too.","BRAUER: Oh, I think you find all women that way, Agent DiNozzo.","TONY: Oh, come on. You've got to admit she's pretty sexy.","BRAUER: I'm happily married.","TONY: Yeah?","GIBBS: Do you have micro-etching equipment here?","BRAUER: Yeah. Richter uses... used it for security purposes.","GIBBS: Did you ever see this old film \"The Apartment\" with Jack Lemmon?","BRAUER: No, I don't believe so.","TONY: Richter did.","BRAUER: Probably. He loved those movies.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CORRIDOR - DAY","BRAUER: But what does this have to do with...","GIBBS: I assume the photo in your office is your wife.","BRAUER: (IN GERMAN) Ja.","GIBBS: Lovely woman","BRAUER: (IN GERMAN) Dahnke.","TONY: Older than Suzanne, of course.","BRAUER: Are you implying that I had an affair with Ms. McNeil?","GIBBS: Did you?","BRAUER: No, Agent Gibbs, I did not. A man in my position cannot afford to risk losing everything in one of your ridiculous sexual harassment suits.","GIBBS: There is a motive.","TONY: Sure is.","BRAUER: Yeah, I suppose someone in your profession would look at it that way. But why would I murder Walter Richter who wasn't only a close associate, but my friend?","GIBBS: I don't know.","BRAUER: I wouldn't.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. TEST FACILITY - DAY","(SFX: DOOR BUZZER)","(DOOR OPENS)","RUTGER: (IN GERMAN) Who are these people, Stephen?","BRAUER: (IN GERMAN) It's okay.","TONY: Is that a bomb sniffer?","BRAUER: We don't breed dogs. It's a Fernschaltung Sprengstoff Spuren Einheitour.","TONY: It'll never take first in show at Westminster.","GIBBS: Where is that ship?","BRAUER: In here, Agent Gibbs.(DOOR OPENS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CORRIDOR","GIBBS: Is this where you use the explosives Suzanne makes?","BRAUER: Ja. She makes exotic bombs to test our detecting devices.","KATE: (V.O.) You did put a bomb on a Navy ship.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","KATE: Only the ship was a mock-up. You make bombs for tests. Didn't I tell you it was going to be something like this?","SUZANNE: Yes, you did. Oh... but this is like reading someone else's life. Not mine. I don't remember any of it.","KATE: You've got to give it time, Suzanne.","SUZANNE: How much time do I have, Kate? Someone tried to kill me. Someone bashed in that poor man's head. Maybe if I go there... where I work... this B-F-F...it'll come back to me.","KATE: I think you've been through enough for one day.","SUZANNE: No! Please, Kate! If I can just sit at my desk and meet other people... living people. I just... I think I'll remember. Please?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. TEST FACILITY","(SFX: ROBOT MOVES B.G.)","TONY: What's that?","RUTGER: Chemical signatures we are detecting. Nitrates, mercury, glycols, cyclotrimethylenes. Object Four B contains a compound of cyclonite and penaerythrite tetranitrate.","BRAUER: Terrorist grade Semtex.","TONY: Our NCIS explosive sniffer would tag that.","BRAUER: Well, this test is just beginning. There are more sophisticated explosives that your equipment could not detect.","TONY: What makes your sniffer better?","RUTGER: Our software. Chemical signatures are compared to a databank of all known explosive compounds. When a critical composition is detected, it sets off an alarm.","GIBBS: It's only as good as the software.","BRAUER: Which is very good, very good.","GIBBS: Then why are you worried about the Navy trials?","BRAUER: Is that what Suzanne said?","RUTGER: She would be pleased to see us fail.","GIBBS: Why?","RUTGER: She would win, of course. And Suzanna likes to win.","BRAUER: It's her job to create explosives we cannot detect.","GIBBS: So she held a few surprises back because she likes to win.","BRAUER: In the beginning she had some limited successes, but Doctor Rutger has re-written the software to...","(SFX: EXPLOSION B.G.)","GIBBS: I had a hunting dog like that once.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. ATRIUM - DAY","GIBBS: Hey. Well?","KATE: Reading her file didn't work. She thought being up in her office might help her remember.","TONY: How'd she know where her office was?","KATE: It's called a directory, Tony.","BRAUER: Are you speaking of Ms. McNeil?","GIBBS: Yeah, we are. Kate Todd, B-F-F CEO Stephen Brauer.","KATE: Mister Brauer.","BRAUER: What doesn't she remember?","GIBBS: Well, why don't you ask her yourself?","(SUZANNE WALKS INTO THE ROOM)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. HOTEL ROOM - FLASHBACK","BRAUER: (SHOUTS) Suzanne, stop! Stop, Suzanne! Stop!","(SUZANNE FALLS TO THE GROUND)","BRAUER: (SHOUTS IN GERMAN) You're not Liesl!","(END FLASHBACK)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. ATRIUM - DAY","KATE: Anything?","SUZANNE: No.","BRAUER: Suzanne?","SUZANNE: We know each other?","BRAUER: Ja. I'm Stephen. Stephen.","SUZANNE: I'm sorry, Mister Stephen. I... I don't remember you.","BRAUER: Brauer. Stephen is my given name.","SUZANNE: Sorry, Mister Brauer.","GIBBS: Well, that's both good news and bad news. She can't tell you the formula to her explosive... but then again, she can't remember who buried her in Rock Creek Park.","BRAUER: Were you buried?","SUZANNE: Yes.","BRAUER: And you don't remember anything?","SUZANNE: Only that I like blueberries.","BRAUER: Come, Suzanne. Sit with me. Perhaps if we talk....","(SUZANNE AND BRAUER WALK TO THE COUCHES)","GIBBS: That son of a bitch is guilty as hell.","(CAMERA ANGLE ON SUZANNE AND BRAUER)","SUZANNE: You didn't have the guts to leave her but you buried me.","BRAUER: You don't have amnesia.","SUZANNE: Stephen, you'd better be careful. You don't want those agents to see you scared.","(CAMERA ANGLE ON TONY)","TONY: You remember when I stayed with you that time, when it didn't really go so well?","GIBBS: Yeah, I remember, DiNozzo.","TONY: Well, listen. I was younger then. Immature. A little unfocused.","GIBBS: That was six months ago, Tony.","(CAMERA ANGLE ON BRAUER)","BRAUER: What happened in the office was an accident and you know that. You were... out of control.","SUZANNE: I'm not now.","BRAUER: No. You are quite calm. Suzanne, we can work this out. I'll give you anything. Anything.","SUZANNE: A wedding ring?","BRAUER: Ja. I'll divorce Brigitte.","SUZANNE: The hell you will. You don't have the guts. You couldn't even come to the apartment to dump me. You sent Walther.","BRAUER: You murdered Walther?","(CAMERA ANGLE ON KATE)","KATE: She said someone bashed the poor man's head in. How did she know that Richter's head was bashed in? I couldn't see his wound. Nobody told her how he died. She remembered.","(CAMERA ANGLE ON SUZANNE)","SUZANNE: No one dumps me, Stephen. My latest compound. It's so volatile; all you have to do is drop it.","BRAUER: Then you'll die, too.","SUZANNE: I've already been buried.","BRAUER: (IN GERMAN) Sie hat eine bombe!","KATE: Suzanne! Don't!","SUZANNE: Sorry, Kate.","(SFX: MASSIVE EXPLOSION FILLS THE SCREEN)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. BFF BUILDING - NIGHT","TONY: We ought to do something, Boss.(SFX: SIREN B.G.)","GIBBS: Have you ever made a mistake, Tony?","TONY: According to you or me?","GIBBS: You.","TONY: Yeah.","GIBBS: Could anyone make you feel better?","TONY: No.","GIBBS: My door's unlocked.","TONY: I know.","(MUSIC OVER ENDING CREDITS AND OUT)"],"Show Title":"NCIS","Episode Number":"01x10","Episode Title":"Left for Dead","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"NCIS_02x06.json","Recap":["When an Iraq veteran, Lieutenant Commander Michaela \"Micki\" Shields, who is also nearing retirement, is threatened and very nearly killed by a group of terrorists seeking revenge against her for accidentally killing civilians while she was serving in the war, the NCIS team steps in to protect her and her family from further danger. While trying to convince an FBI agent to help them, the team is convinced that they've discovered the bomber but unfortunately, the FBI Agent is more interested in nailing the members of the whole terrorist cell rather than making sure that the family are safe. However, things might not be what they seem when another car bomb nearly kills Tony and Kate during their protection duty of the lieutenant commander. The clock is ticking for the team as they only have days to solve the case before the lieutenant commander is discharged and officially becomes a civilian."],"Transcript":["EXT. MARKET PARKING LOT - DAY","SARA: Micki!","SHIELDS: Hey, Sara! How are you?","SARA: Good. How are you?","SHIELDS: I missed you at the Parents' Pot Luck.","SARA: Oh, Becca had a dance recital. Your turn for snack?","SHIELDS: My turn for snack. Can you believe this? If they would concentrate a little less on snacking and a little more on the game, we wouldn't be oh and four. But...","SARA: Oh, your cart. Isn't that your S.U.V?","SHIELDS: Well, what's another ding. See you at practice.","(F\/X: CART ROLLS INTO THE SUV)","(SFX: HUGE EXPLOSION)","(FADE TO BLACK)","(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE\/ SCENES\/ CREDITS AND OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. MARKET PARKING LOT - DAY","(SFX: POLICE SIREN B.G.)","(SFX: VAN BRAKES TO A SUDDEN STOP)","REYES: Hey, where the hell are you going? (BEAT) Gibbs. Oh you must be Gibbs. Fornell's mentioned you.","GIBBS: Did he?","REYES: Mm-hmm. Agent Lina Reyes, FBI.","GIBBS: Your driver has a lead foot.","REYES: Well, we tend to hurry when we suspect terrorism.","GIBBS: Well, so do we when the target's a Naval aviator, Agent Reyes.","REYES: A Lieutenant Commander Micki Shields. She bombed civilians in Afghanistan.","GIBBS: Accidentally. Article Thirty Two hearing cleared her of all charges.","REYES: Yeah, by us. Not the psycho's overseas issuing Jihadist threats against her and her family. Have you spoken to your director?","GIBBS: I did.","REYES: Good, then we're clear. FBI handles the investigation, NCIS protects the intended target.","GIBBS: We want copies of everything you find. Kate, check with Commander Shields. Track down the rest of her family.","KATE: On it.","GIBBS: DiNozzo, secure her home. I want a full surveillance perimeter. McGee, coordinate all feeds with MTAC.","MCGEE: All right, boss.","TONY: Oh, sounds like we're going to need the infra-red scope on this one, McGee.","MCGEE: The one that can see through walls at night?","TONY: It's better than Pay-TV and the best part, it's free.","KATE: And that's the reason why, Tony.","TONY: Why what, Kate?","KATE: You'll never get my home address.","SHIELDS: (INTO PHONE) I'm okay, Jen. I promise you. Look, see? I got worse scrapes in ejection seat training. Honestly honey, I'm fine. I've got to go. I'll see you soon. I'm going to make you Cha Cha Chicken for dinner, okay? Okay. (TO KATE) NCIS. So I take it this wasn't an accident?","KATE: We're not jumping to any conclusions, but considering all the recent threats...","(FLASHBACK EFFECTS)","SHIELDS: I thought I left that war behind me. My kids could have been in that car! One mistake, one horrible mistake.","KATE: I read the report. What happened in Afghanistan wasn't your fault.","SHIELDS: Well, right or wrong, it's still something I have to live with. And fog of war just doesn't cut it when you're looking at ten dead civilians.","DAVID: Micki!","SHIELDS: Oh, honey.","DAVID: Oh, my god. Are you okay?","SHIELDS: Yeah I'm fine, sweetheart.","DAVID: Thank god. Did you ever think you'd be happy you ran into Sara Turcott in a parking lot? So ... so do we know who did this?","KATE: Not yet, Mister Shields.","DAVID: Okay, so what? They could try it again?","KATE: Well, if they do we'll stop them. NCIS will be providing protection for your family.","SHIELDS: Too bad you weren't around to save Libby.","DAVID: Are you kidding? Libby?","SHIELDS: Yeah.","KATE: Who's Libby?","SHIELDS: Oh, our dog, Agent Todd. A nasty little thing, but the kids loved her.","GIBBS: I'll need copies of the surveillance tapes from the security camera.","REYES: You'll get them.","GIBBS: Today.","REYES: I'll see what I can do.","GIBBS: Do you know what terminal leave is, Agent Reyes?","REYES: Nope.","GIBBS: It's what Commander Shields is on. In four days she'll be a civilian, which means I won't be around to protect her. That's how long you have to solve this case.","REYES: You're giving me a deadline?","GIBBS: Don't screw up.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS LAB - DAY","GIBBS: I see something.","ABBY: You see speckling, Gibbs.","GIBBS: (V.O.) No, I see a guy planting a bomb under her S.U.V.","ABBY: Do you know how many times this has been taped over? The VCR heads have scraped it down to the plastic. And let's not forget - taken through a lens that's caked with years of bird droppings.","GIBBS: I think you can make a positive I.D.","ABBY: I'll try Start Witness.","GIBBS: What's that?","ABBY: It's an enhancement program. We do a little homomorphic filtering...a little de-interlacing... algorithmic enhancement ...unsharp masking.","GIBBS: Yeah, you're getting somewhere now.","ABBY: I am, Gibbs. Straight into a brick wall. Whoever it is, he's blocked by the vehicle.","GIBBS: The reflection.","ABBY: What reflection?","GIBBS: Abs, look at the finish of the car next to it.","ABBY: You're serious.","GIBBS: Abs, look at the door panel. Dark and shiny. You can see your reflection.","ABBY: A reflection of whoever planted the bomb. Gibbs... you're hired!","GIBBS: (V.O.) Oh, when you walked into a room...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY","DUCKY: I bet must've turned heads just back from the salon with your hair all done up.","JIMMY: Doctor, I'm looking at a blood type they sent over. It doesn't match Lieutenant Commander Shields.","DUCKY: Is that so?","JIMMY: Yeah. They said the only one injured in the explosion was Shields.","DUCKY: They did indeed.","JIMMY: There's someone unaccounted for.","DUCKY: Mister Palmer, what I'm about to show you may force you to reevaluate your theory.","JIMMY: French fried poodle.","DUCKY: The family pet. Who was, tragically, inside the car. I can just see those FBI forensic weasels sitting around laughing, picturing what I'm going to look like performing a forensic autopsy on this poor creature.","JIMMY: What are you going to do?","DUCKY: Oh, let them laugh. Alexander The Great had a dog. A Mastiff named Peritas. Yeah, nobody laughed about her. When she died, he led the funeral procession. He built monuments to her. Ordered yearly celebrations in her memory.","JIMMY: When I was a kid, I used to bury our pets under our porch until my mom found out. She was pretty upset.","DUCKY: They didn't want you to bury your pets?","JIMMY: No, we lived on the tenth floor of an apartment building.","DUCKY: Right. Ah.","JIMMY: What is it, Doctor?","DUCKY: You see that? I'm going to take a look. Open this up. Here we go. Get that up to Abby. Oh, you poor thing. This would never have happened to Peritas.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY","GIBBS: I would like for everyone to go about their normal lives as much as possible. McGee?","TONY: McGee, systems check. Hey!","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. MTAC - DAY","MCGEE: MCGEE:","MCGEE: Okay, camera one is up. Camera Two and Three, give me infrared full spectrum sweep. (V.O.) Camera Three. Okay, punch up camera four. (V.O.) Camera Four okay to go. All right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) We're up and operational, Tony.","TONY: Boss.","GIBBS: We will try to keep a low profile, but we need your cooperation. If you see anything suspicious, you tell us.","JEN: I don't believe this. Can I sleep at Amy's house?","GIBBS: Not a good idea.","KATE: We'll need advance notice to clear it.","(JEN WALKS O.S.)","DAVID: It's all been kind of stressful.","WILLY: I'm outta here. It's an expression. Bed.","TONY: Hey listen, uh... you and me... we're kind of, you know, going to be hanging.","WILLY: You are kidding.","TONY: It's going to be great.","WILLY: It already sucks.","MCGEE: Hey yeah. Uh... I remember how I felt when my dog died, Willy.","WILLY: Bite me.","SHIELDS: Well, I guess we'll turn in, too. It's been kind of stressful.","KATE: (OVERLAP) Stressful.","SHIELDS: Good night.","DAVID: Good night.","(KATE AND SHIELDS WALK O.S.)","KATE: I'll take the front door.","TONY: Then I demand to take the rear.","KATE: Tony?","TONY: Yes, Kate, dear.","KATE: There's only one bathroom downstairs.","TONY: And your point is?","KATE: The seat stays down!","TONY: Unless it's up.","(SFX: PHONE RINGS)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS\/ GIBBS AND ABBY)","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) The item that Ducky retrieved from the dog? I put it through X-ray chromatography. There's traces of C-four.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: It was a bomb.","ABBY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Yeah. Also...","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (INTO PHONE)...the presence of mercury. Used as a vibration trigger. It's the exact...","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) ...Same chemical signature as the bomb that...","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) ...killed that Naval attach\u00e9 in Morocco last month.","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) ...You're dealing with...","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) An Al Qaeda assassination team.","(FADE OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. HOUSE - DAY","KATE: (V.O. SINGS) Sexy as I want to be...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. BATHROOM - DAY","(SFX: SHOWER B.G.)","KATE: (SINGS\/V.O.) Got these fellas chasing me.","Let's go with this freak show. Outrageous. When I move my body. Outrageous. When I'm at a party Outrageous.","TONY: (OVERLAP) Outrageous.","KATE: Tony! Out of here! Now!","TONY: What? I'm just brushing my teeth. Oh hey, don't use up all the hot water. 'Cause you've been in there forever.","KATE: (V.O.) Tony, now long have you been in here?","TONY: Long enough to know you can't sing and you haven't shaved your legs in a week. (LAUGHS) Outrageous.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. NCIS HEADQUARTERS - DAY","REYES: (V.O.) The bomb was C-four.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY","REYES: Mercury detonator shake charge. We ran the identifying taggants on it and it turns out that it....","GIBBS: Stolen from a military base in Kuwait.","REYES: And how do you know that?","GIBBS: A French poodle told me.","REYES: It's linked to Al Qaeda units overseas. We've identified three individuals in the country who may have links to their cells. Do you know how to use this?","GIBBS: Sure.","REYES: You have no idea what that is, do you?","GIBBS: Not really.","REYES: Didn't figure you for a tech type, Gibbs. Kahlid Hassan. Suspected in planning three bombings in North Africa. He was spotted by a Virginia traffic control camera in D.C. last week. Roland Al--","GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Roland Alan Moore. Former Petty Officer. Medically discharged when he lost two fingers in an engine room accident. Put in jail for bombing a recruiting office.","REYES: Converted to Islam in prison.","GIBBS: And escaped a work detail three months ago.","REYES: Well, our computer geeks suspect that he's one of the people posting threats to Commander Shields on the Islamic website. Fernando Petroya. He owns five ice cream parlors in Montgomery and Charles County. We believe they are money laundering funds for Al Qaeda linked to the Philippines.","GIBBS: What's his connection to Commander Shields?","REYES: Well, he was sighted in the vicinity of the bombing ten days ago. I mean, it could just be a coincidence.","GIBBS: Okay, bring him in for questioning.","REYES: I can't do that. If I do it'll tip him off we're on to him. And we are hoping that he will lead us to some of his contacts in the states.","GIBBS: While you are hoping I have a Navy family living in fear they'll be executed on their way to the mall.","REYES: If we bring him in, all we're going to get is his name and some B.S. cover story","GIBBS: Not if you put him in a room with me.","REYES: It's not going to happen. (BEAT) Sorry.","GIBBS: Hey, don't forget your thingymagiggy.","REYES: Hold on. It needs to be dis....connected first. You did that on purpose.","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAY","LYLE: I don't believe this! I bought tickets! It's Green Day!","JEN: You're acting like it's my fault.","LYLE: Just tell me, are you going to go with me or not? Yes or no? What's it going to be, Jen?","JEN: Lyle, don't.","LYLE: Half the school is not here today.","KATE: Is that so?","LYLE: Because of you.","(SFX: SCHOOL BELL RINGS)","JEN: Thanks.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CORRIDOR - DAY","KATE: Twenty four, fourteen, two. No. Twenty two, fourteen, twenty. No.","(DOOR OPENS)","KATE: Where are you going?","JEN: Bathroom. What, do you want to watch me pee, Special Agent Todd?","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. BATHROOM - DAY","KATE: You had to go really bad, huh?","JEN: My parents told me you had to follow me around. Doesn't mean that I have to talk to you.","KATE: Do your parents know that you smoke?","JEN: No. Are you going to tell them?","KATE: Mmm, not if you promise to quit.","JEN: Whatever.","KATE: You know, you should be flattered. I used to protect the President.","JEN: Of what?","KATE: The United States.","JEN: Really? And now you're protecting me.","KATE: And your whole family.","JEN: What a waste. Might be four people, but it's not a family. It hasn't been in a long time.","(SFX: SCHOOL BELL RINGS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. SOCCER FIELD - DAY","WILLY: Ever shot anybody?","TONY: Not this week.","WILLY: Are you strapping? Oh, a Sig! Dude's got a Sig.","TONY: Dude's got a Sig.","WILLY: Want to help me warm up?","TONY: Yeah. What do you want me to do?","WILLY: Just stand there and don't move.","TONY: Okay, I think I can do that. All right. Don't move. I'm good at that.","(WILLY KICKS THE BALL AT TONY)","WILLY: Goal! Hey, touch me and it's child abuse.","(PARENTS GATHER ON THE SIDELINE)","WILLY: Shoot it! Shoot it!","GREG: It's just plain stupid.","DAVID: Okay, here we go.","GRETA: He's getting better.","GREG: It doesn't matter how good he is if he can't reach the damn ball. Why does Coach keep playing him?","SHIELDS: Because he's the coaches kid. I agree with you. We need a new keeper.","DAVID: Honey, they're kids, okay? You know, it's supposed to be fun.","SHIELDS: Winning is fun, honey. Trust me.","GRETA: Well, it isn't everything, Micki.","GREG: Well, it should be.","DAVID: Come on, Greta. Let's go set up the snack while our spouses pretend they're watching the Olympics.","TONY: I want double overtime for this, boss. That kid's a nightmare.","GIBBS: He reminds me of you.","(WILLY KICKS THE BALL)","TONY: Oh! No goal! No goal! Sorry about that! (BEAT) Sorry. Sorry. (TO GIBBS) What's up?","GIBBS: I don't know. Something doesn't feel right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. DEN - NIGHT","(SFX: VIDEO GAME B.G.)","(SFX: VIDEO GUNSHOTS)","WILLY: He's good.","TONY: I told you I knew someone who could beat you.","(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: (V.O.) I'm not sure about this, DiNozzo.","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: Keep the faith, McGee, you're winning.","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: Playing \"Unreal Tournament\" in the Multiple Threat Assessment Center is not what they had in mind when...","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: Focus, Probie! Oh!","(SFX: VIDEO GUNSHOTS)","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: If Gibbs sees me playing this...","GIBBS: Hey, McGee!","MCGEE: Yeah, boss?","GIBBS: Status report.","(SCENE CUT)","WILLY: (SHOUTS) Yes! (LAUGHS) Whoo!","TONY: McGee!(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. MTAC ROOM - NIGHT","MCGEE: Girl is in her room. The parents are in the kitchen with Kate. And um... I guess you know where the boy is.","GIBBS: Yeah.","MCGEE: It won't happen again.","GIBBS: I know.","(DOOR CLOSES)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. DEN - NIGHT","KATE: Twenty two. Twenty two, fourteen, twenty two!","TONY: Women, Willy. Can't live with them... can't think of a reason why you'd want to.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS LAB - NIGHT","GIBBS: What have you got for me, Abs?","ABBY: You've got mail from the FBI! I think that agent has the hots for you. Okay, you're right. She's really not your type. She sent me highly encrypted \"J-Pegs.\" Public key's got sixty four numbers. It took me longer to input the password than it took the program to decrypt the cipher text. Um... machine making pretty pictures now.","(SFX: PHONE RINGS)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah. Gibbs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","(SCENE CUT)","REYES: (INTO PHONE) You got the stills?","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Yeah.","REYES: (INTO PHONE) We took them off the ice cream man's computer, Fernando Petroya.","(SCENE CUT)","REYES: (V.O.\/FILTERED) We extracted his hard drive, cloned it and returned it. (INTO PHONE) And he doesn't even know.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) He had Commander Shields under surveillance.","REYES: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Yeah.","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I want him brought in.","(SCENE CUT)","REYES: (INTO PHONE) Look, I told you I can't. Not yet. We need his whole cell.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) We are running out of time here, Agent Reyes.","REYES: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Look, you got--","(SCENE CUT)","REYES: (INTO PHONE) ...Your people on the family. They'll be fine.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) For a few more days.","REYES: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Don't worry.","(SCENE CUT)","REYES: (INTO PHONE) After that the FBI will pick up protection.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Boss, I need you up here.(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. MTAC - DAY","MCGEE: Someone in the backyard. Kate and Tony are intercepting. Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/TONY AND KATE MOVE TOWARD THE HOUSE)","(SFX: THUMP NOISE)","(FADE OUT)","MUSIC IN:","INT. HOUSE - NIGHT","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/ TONY AND KATE MOVE QUICKLY UPSTAIRS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT","(MUSIC OVER ACTION)","(DOOR OPENS)","(SFX: JEN SCREAMS)","JEN: No! No, wait! It's...!","TONY: Freeze!","(DOOR OPENS)","JEN: Don't shoot him!","KATE: Jen, get out! Get out!","JEN: Don't!","KATE: Jen, go now!","LYLE: I'm sorry! Please don't kill me!","KATE: Stand down, Tony. It's her boyfriend.","TONY: You're not real bright, kid. You're lucky you don't have two holes in that face of yours.","SHIELDS: Boyfriend?!","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. MTAC - DAY","KATE: (ON MONITOR) Gibbs, Kate. False alarm.","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) One of the kids?","KATE: (ON MONITOR) Daughter's boyfriend. Probably not the first time he snuck in, but I guarantee it's the last. Mom packs a Glock.","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Where is Romeo now?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CORRIDOR - DAY","KATE: (INTO PHONE) On his way home to change his pants.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. MTAC - DAY","KATE: (ON MONITOR) And Juliet is getting her butt reamed by the Capulets.","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Roger that. Standing down. Keep us informed.","KATE: (ON MONITOR) You got it.(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT","KATE: What are you doing?","TONY: Listening.","KATE: That is just wrong.","TONY: Sneaking her horny boyfriend into a house filled with armed federal agents who are on the look-out for Al Qaeda assassins. That's wrong, Kate. Me, I'm just trying to gather some valuable intel so I can do my job better. (SHIELDS LECTURES JEN B.G.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. BEDROOM - DAY","SHIELDS: I mean, Jen, what the hell were you thinking?","JEN: We weren't going to have s*x, if that's what you're worried about.","SHIELDS: That's not the point! That boy could have been killed!","JEN: You don't even know his name!","DAVID: We ought to just calm down...","JEN: We've been dating for six months, Mom. His name is Lyle. Lyle Chambers.","SHIELDS: Let's stay on target, young lady. This is not about names.","JEN: On target? Do you think I'm one of your sailors?","DAVID: That's enough, Jennifer.","JEN: She doesn't know anything about my life, Dad. And why do you think that is, Commander?","DAVID: I'm warning you. Do not speak to your mom like that.","JEN: Oh, all of a sudden you're concerned with Mom's feelings.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT","DAVID: (V.O.) What is that supposed to mean?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. BEDROOM - DAY","JEN: What a joke.","SHIELDS: Is there something I should know here?","JEN: Forget it. Just forget it. Can I go to bed now?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS LAB - NIGHT","ABBY: We've got a face, I think.","GIBBS: I've seen better pictures of Sasquatch.","ABBY: Well, the fact that it's a reflection limits the details.","GIBBS: Well, yeah. I can see that, Abby.","ABBY: And the face... if it is a face, it looks like it's turned away.","GIBBS: Okay, so let's focus on something smaller.","ABBY: Like what?","GIBBS: Like a hand. If you were placing a bomb underneath a car... your other hand would be on the side panel.","ABBY: Huh. That might actually work. Oh, I can see the paper now. Digital optical enhancement of reflective surfaces with scattered refractive properties.","GIBBS: Sounds like a bestseller. I need the answers soon, Abs.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY","SHIELDS: Those were happier times.","KATE: Thank you.","SHIELDS: I'm sorry about last night. I don't know what that girl was thinking.","KATE: It happens. Teenagers, right?","SHIELDS: It just feels like yesterday that she was... um.. playing with dolls and following me around the house. But now...","KATE: Well, raising a family and having a full time military career.... I don't know how you've managed it.","SHIELDS: I didn't. That's why I'm getting out. It had nothing to do with Afghanistan.","KATE: But you could retire in five years. Full pension...medical.","SHIELDS: My last deployment lasted for over a year. When I came home my babies ... my little boy and girl... Willy wouldn't even speak to me. And Jen was five inches taller and practically a stranger. The constant moving, the uncertainty, the time away. David does a great job, but it's too much for him. For all of us.","KATE: Have you thought about what you're going to do when you get out?","SHIELDS: Learn how to be a mother. I certainly can't do any worse.","KATE: You're being too hard on yourself, Commander. From where I stand you're a role model.","SHIELDS: You know...what was my biggest fear in the Navy? This feeling that everything I was fighting for, everything that I wanted to protect... wouldn't be here when I got back. And now I've brought the war home with me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS LAB - DAY","ABBY: Check this out, Gibbs. We got a hand.","GIBBS: That's a hand?","ABBY: That's the best I could do. Maybe not good enough.","GIBBS: How so?","ABBY: Well, for some reason there's one area that none of the enhancement programs will work on.","GIBBS: Can you tell if he's Middle Eastern?","ABBY: Either that or African American.","GIBBS: He's only got three fingers.","ABBY: I know. I think the program screwed up. Sorry, Gibbs.","GIBBS: He didn't.","ABBY: He didn't what?","GIBBS: Have fingers there.","ABBY: So it worked?","GIBBS: Uh-huh.","ABBY: Cool. So what is he? Some sort of killer shop teacher?","GIBBS: Killer squid. Thanks, Abs.","ABBY: Yep.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY","DAVID: This is insane, Micki.","SHIELDS: When you're stressed, you eat. I run.","DAVID: Look, why don't you just use the treadmill?","SHIELDS: It's not the same.","DAVID: Okay, you know what? Why don't you do whatever you want, okay? You always do anyway.","SHIELDS: Agents DiNozzo and Todd are going to be with me. It's a run. What's the worse that can happen?","DAVID: Uh... you could get shot by a sniper!","SHIELDS: That would solve a lot of problems, wouldn't it?","DAVID: I can't even believe that you said that. What is wrong with you?","SHIELDS: I can't believe a lot of things lately, David.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. BEDROOM - DAY","KATE: Running out in the open... this is not a good idea.","TONY: Well, she's stubborn, won't listen to reason, and is definitely used to getting her own way. Kind of reminds me of someone.","KATE: Yeah, like a female Gibbs.","TONY: See, I was thinking you.","(SFX: DOOR BELL)","(DOOR OPENS)","TONY: Nice you could make it, Probie.","MCGEE: Traffic was a nightmare. I'm sorry.","(DOOR CLOSES)","TONY: In the real world of real agents, we account for things like traffic, McGee. We'll be back in about an hour. The monster's up in his room. Listen, don't take it personally if he completely ignores you which he will.","MCGEE: Right.","WILLY: McGee!","MCGEE: Hey.","WILLY: Come on!","MCGEE: Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. REYES' OFFICE - DAY","REYES: Reflected image? So our bomber is Roland Allen Moore.","GIBBS: You don't sound surprised, Agent Reyes.","REYES: Well, he was a suspect.","(SFX: FILING CABINET DRAWER OPENS)","GIBBS: That's true. That's a nice office.(SFX: DRAWER SLIDES CLOSED)","REYES: Thanks.","GIBBS: Is that a surveillance request form?","REYES: I am pretty busy here, Gibbs. So if you've got something to say, say it.","GIBBS: That's direct. I like that. Where is he?","REYES: Who?","GIBBS: My former Petty Officer Roland Allan Moore.","REYES: How would I know?","GIBBS: You're lying. Know how I can tell? Your pupils just contracted, and your heart rate's increasing.","REYES: Maybe I'm just attracted to you.","GIBBS: You're hoping Moore will try it again. You want to roll up his entire network.","REYES: So what if I am?","GIBBS: My people are protecting that family. If they have to, they will die doing it. If that happens... ask Fornell what I'd do.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. STREET - DAY","SHIELDS: I run this route everyday. It's exactly six miles. You up for an eight minute pace?","KATE: I am. Let me check with my partner. (TO TONY) You up for an eight minute pace?","TONY: Behind us. White panel van, been with us the last two turns.","KATE: All right, let's drop back. If he makes this turn we abort.","TONY: (INTO RADIO) McGee, we might have a situation here.","KATE: Twelve o'clock... the intersection.","TONY: I see him.","KATE: Ambush? (SHOUTS) Take cover!","TONY: Break left! Break left!","(SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH)","(SFX: EXPLOSION)","(FADE OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. STREET - DAY (PHOTO FLASHES)","GIBBS: How's the Commander?","KATE: She's fine except for a few bruises she got when she hit the deck. Tony has her and the entire clan locked down at the house.","GIBBS: No more runs, Kate.","KATE: You don't have to tell me twice, Gibbs. We got lucky today. The blast was mostly contained inside the vehicle. Of course there's also the matter of the five FBI agents that Tony and I almost shot.","REYES: They were there for your protection.","KATE: In unmarked vans without our knowledge?","REYES: Our operations need to know, Agent Todd. You didn't.","KATE: I've run Presidential protection details, Reyes. You don't assign two undercover units without coordination.","GIBBS: She's not interested in protection, Kate.","KATE: You wanted them to try again.","GIBBS: The FBI thinks that the assassination team after the Commander is part of a much larger operation.","KATE: And we're the bait to draw them out.","REYES: Our intel indicates that they're planning something catastrophic. We were hoping by observing this team, that they would lead us to the rest of the network.","KATE: And if the Commander and her family just happened to die in the process? (BEAT) Wow. And I thought Fornell was a b*st*rd.","GIBBS: It was your people that were lucky today, Agent Reyes.","REYES: Oh yeah? How do you figure that?","(SFX: REYES WALKS O.S.)","GIBBS: Because my people shoot to kill. You stay here. (TO KATE) Make sure you get copies of everything the FBI finds.","KATE: I don't trust her.","GIBBS: Good. You're learning.","GRETA: Excuse me. Hi, my name's Greta Boyen. I'm a friend of the Shields. Is Micki okay?","KATE: She's fine.","GRETA: Well, because I live just right over there. When I heard the explosion and I saw her carried away and I thought...","KATE: She was just a little dazed, that's all.","GRETA: Thank God. Listen, do you think it would be all right if we went over and visited?","KATE: The best thing you can do for her right now, Mrs. Boyen, is go home.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY","GIBBS: I got that coffee for you, Agent Reyes. It's not as strong as mine, but if you don't want it.","REYES: You know, I've been waiting twenty minutes, Gibbs. I - I am not used to waiting. I don't like waiting.","GIBBS: Oh, yeah. That's why I got you coffee. Are you sure you don't want to try it?","REYES: What the hell do you want?","GIBBS: Roland Allan Moore. In my chat room. One hour.","REYES: It's not going to happen until he leads us to everyone in his cell.","GIBBS: I'll get their names.","REYES: Oh, how? Are you going to force feed him your coffee?","GIBBS: (LAUGHS) You see, DiNozzo was wrong about you. You do have a sense of humor. Don't miss the six o'clock news, Agent Reyes.","REYES: What the hell have you done?","GIBBS: Nothing yet. But isn't our FBI using an American family as terrorist bait news?","REYES: You'll blow our entire operation.","GIBBS: Sure. But I'll also get Moore in my chat room.","REYES: Look. Even an agent as arrogant as you are has to know that what you're threatening is a career ender.","GIBBS: Only if he doesn't talk. If he does, it's a career maker. (INTO PHONE) Suzanne McRoberts, please. Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS. (TO REYES) You've seen Suzanne on TV. She's cute, blonde, does the anchor on the news. That had better mean we have a deal or you're going to lose a finger.","REYES: If you don't crack Moore, the appendage that I'll cut off will mean so much more to you than a finger.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY","MCGEE: Oh, wow! You're reading Moonstone! Hey, you know Dorothy Sayers thought that was the best detective storey ever written. And T.S. Eliot... he called Moonstone....","REYES: (OVERLAP) Where the hell is Gibbs?","MCGEE: The first true English Detective novel. Uh... Gibbs is prepping Roland Alan Moore for interrogation.","REYES: Prepping? You mean like physically abusing him?","MCGEE: No, no, no, no. Gibbs never lays a finger on a suspect... at least not after we have them in custody.","REYES: So what the hell is it exactly that he does to... prep them?","MCGEE: Well, it varies from suspect to suspect. And I really can't say what he does.","REYES: Because it's illegal.","MCGEE: No. No, I don't think so. Uh, no it's usually just quiet conversation.","GIBBS: (V.O.) After you hang yourself...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY","GIBBS: By the way do you prefer Roland or Mohammed?","MORRIS: I'm not going to hang myself.","GIBBS: Oh, I know. That's just what my reports going to say. Anyway. After you hang yourself your body will be autopsied here by Doctor Mallard. Hey Duck, where are you going to start to cut on Roland?","DUCKY: Is he going to hang himself?","GIBBS: Uh-huh.","DUCKY: Oh.","MORRIS: You're not going to do this.","GIBBS: He doesn't know me very well, does he?","DUCKY: Obviously not. I remember one terrorist we had...","GIBBS: All right, Ducky. No war stories.","DUCKY: Oh right. I might start with his head, Jethro. I can make a cut here behind the ear, around the back to the other one. Then I'd pull the skin down over your face so I can take the Striker saw to take the top of your skull off.","MORRIS: Get away from me.","GIBBS: I don't think he wants you to start there, Duck.","DUCKY: Oh no matter. I can always use a \"Y\" cut to begin with. Let me show you. It's quite simple, really. We take the skull then we cut here and here. Here we go. And then we make a cut all the way down to just above the pubic bone. Now we separate the skin from the muscle and the tissue. And then we take these and we cut them ...","(SFX: DUCKY CUTS THE RIB BONES)","DUCKY: Once I've opened you up... then we take this and we put it down here. And then I can take out your heart... What do you know? And then we go up to the trachea and pull it out... along with your tongue.","(DUCKY REMOVES THE BODY PARTS)","(DUCKY STRUGGLES TO REMOVE THE BODY PARTS)","SUZANNE: (V.O.) The FBI announced the arrest of four alleged terrorists today.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SHIELD'S DEN - DAY","SUZANNE: (ON TV) They are believed to be an Al Qaeda cell responsible for the bombing of Navy Lieutenant Commander Micki Shield's car at a Tacoma Park supermarket on Wednesday, and a (V.O.) second car bombing yesterday on a street where she was jogging. An FBI spokesperson said a suspect they had under surveillance led them to a Silver Springs apartment where they captured the entire cell without firing a shot. (ON TV) Lieutenant Commander Shields was the Naval aviator...","SHIELDS: The news is really depressing these days.","TONY: You have no idea, Commander Shields.","SHIELDS: Actually not Commander anymore. Terminal leave is up. I am just Mrs. Micki Shields now. I kind of like the sound of that.","DAVID: That's good.","GIBBS: Are we going to let these people get on with their lives, or are we going to stand here and stare them to death.","MCGEE: The equipment is loaded and stored. Ready to move, Boss.","GIBBS: Well, then move, McGee.","KATE: If you tell anyone where you got it, I will deny it under oath.","JEN: A blank hall pass.","KATE: Signed by the principal.","JEN: Undated.","KATE: Erasable ink is the key. It's always worked for me.","TONY: Hey! Well, here you go.","WILLY: Thanks.","TONY: Yeah, I wouldn't wear it unless I had to. Cool. If there's anything you can think of.","WILLY: Shades.","TONY: What?","WILLY: I like your sunglasses.","TONY: Yeah, but that's not surprising because they're super cool, Willy. But you see, the thing about these is are...these are really grown up shades.","GIBBS: We're out of here.","WILLY: Thanks! Sweet!","(TONY HIGH FIVES WILLY)","WILLY: Ooh!","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. CAR - MOVING","TONY: (V.O.) Polarized lenses.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CAR - MOVING","TONY: Impact protected. Raked-back curvature. They were special order, Boss.","GIBBS: I never special order.","MCGEE: Isn't that funny. Neither do I.","TONY: There's nothing funny about this, McGee. And what part of this conversation is about you anyway?","MCGEE: Only the part about special ordering.","KATE: I always special order. It's a bright day out today.","(SFX: PHONE RINGS)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Abs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS:","ABBY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) So the FBI...","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Finally sent copies of the evidence from the second bombing. The patterns don't match the first. The second's more \"boom\"...","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (V.O.\/FILTERED)....Than bomb. There was no shrapnel.","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Fertilizer and oil instead of C-four.","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) And placement inside the car limited the spread.","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Amateur night.","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Sounds like. Oh, something else, my hero.","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) It was triggered by some sort of crude remote control. Like...","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) ...a garage door opener. Couldn't have had a range of more than a hundred feet.","(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CAR - MOVING","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/CAR CHANGES DIRECTIONS)","(SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH)","TONY: Anything we should know, Boss?","GIBBS: The second bomb wasn't Al Qaeda. Somebody else wants the Commander dead.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SHIELDS' DEN - DAY","DAVID: We're finished. It's over.","GRETA: No, you're just confused, David, and that's understandable. I would be too if Al Qaeda were targeting my family.","DAVID: Greta, what we did was a big mistake.","GRETA: No, what we did was right. She's brought all this on herself. She's put your family in harm's way. David, everything is going to be better when she's gone.","DAVID: Do you hear what you're saying?","GRETA: Why, you'll see! You'll see. We can go back to how we were before she came home.","SHIELDS: No no no. Greta, it's not going to happen, okay? We were lonely. That's all it was. I love my wife.","GRETA: (SHOUTS) No! Don't say that, okay? That's not true.","DAVID: Yes, it is.","GRETA: (BEAT) Well, then I'm going to tell her, David. If you won't... I will.","SHIELDS: You just did, Greta. Now get out of our life.","(GRETA PULLS OUT A GUN)","DAVID: Whoa! Whoa! Greta! Greta! Put it away.","GRETA: He made love to me, Micki. He made love to me like he's never made love to you. He told me that.","DAVID: Greta, look. Just... give me the gun.","GRETA: (SHOUTS) No! Everything's going to be fine once she's gone! You'll see.","SHIELDS: Drop your weapon, Greta.","(SFX: DOORBELL RINGS)","SHIELDS: Leave and I'll forget all about this.","GRETA: I won't.","DAVID: Please.","(SFX: DOOR BELL RINGS)","(SFX: GUNFIRE)","DAVID: It was self defense. She was just trying to protect herself.","SHIELDS: At least this time it wasn't an innocent civilian.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CAR - DRIVING","MCGEE: Actually, I did special order once.","(SFX: CHUCKLING B.G.)","(ENDING CREDITS UP)","(FADE OUT)","(ENDING TITLE\/ CREDITS UP AND OUT)"],"Show Title":"NCIS","Episode Number":"02x06","Episode Title":"Terminal Leave","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"NCIS_02x14.json","Recap":["A beautiful young MIT graduate witnesses a sailor being strangled. Local police doubt her story, but McGee asserts that her account warrants further investigation. When the missing sailor's body is found at another location, the story gains ground. The witness also captivates McGee who, after a sudden twist in the investigation, ends up unknowingly holding the key to solving the case but things turn to tragedy when the young witness is strangled to death, leading Gibbs and the team to find not only who's responsible for the sailor's death but also that of the woman's as well."],"Transcript":["MUSIC IN:","INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT","(MUSIC PLAYS B.G.)","(SFX: ERIN DRINKS)","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/ERIN FILMS FROM THE WINDOW)","ERIN: Come on!","(MUSIC OUT)","(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE\/SCENES\/ CREDITS AND OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","TONY: I always get that confused.","DAVID: No. No, it's simple. If the groundhog sees his shadow, six more weeks of winter. If he doesn't, spring's right around the corner.","TONY: Are you sure that it's not the other way around?","DAVID: Trust me. I know what I'm talking about. See you later.","(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)","TONY: Thanks.","KATE: (INTO PHONE) All right, Thursday eleven a.m.","VOICE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Sharp.","KATE: (INTO PHONE) I'll be there. Oh, I promise.","MCGEE: Are you okay?","KATE: Yeah. No. I hate going to the dentist. I've had a phobia since I was a child and now I need a root canal.","MCGEE: Oh, that doesn't sound like fun.","KATE: No, I've cancelled my appointment three times.","TONY: What's not fun?","KATE: Nothing.","TONY: Who's Doctor Jackson?","KATE: You read that upside down?","TONY: A talent that serves me well. What's wrong with you?","MCGEE: Well, he's a dentist.","TONY: Ooh, and our Ms. Todd is afraid of dentists.","KATE: Who told you that?","TONY: Ethically, I can't reveal my source. It's the same person who told me Probie wasn't potty-trained until he was six.","GIBBS: Get the sedan, McGee.","MCGEE: Where are we going, boss?","GIBBS: Not we. You. Apartment building in Georgetown. A woman reported seeing a sailor being strangled.","MCGEE: Me? Alone?","GIBBS: Metro police don't think it's anything, but the woman's insistent.","MCGEE: What do you want me to do?","GIBBS: Investigate, McGee. It's what we do. If there's anything, call in.","MCGEE: Right.","TONY: Our little boy's growing up.","MCGEE: Cut it out, DiNozzo.","KATE: It's a vote of confidence.","MCGEE: Really? You think so?","TONY: It's a test.","KATE: Don't listen to him.(MCGEE WALKS O.S.)","(TONY CHUCKLES)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. STREET - DAY","(CAR DOOR CLOSES)","(MUSIC OVER ACTION)","MCGEE: Excuse me, Sir.","FLOYD: Yeah?","MCGEE: NCIS. Special Agent McGee.","FLOYD: So you're what they sent me. Geez, I'm feeling old. (INTO RADIO) NCIS is here. Say goodbye to little lady.","MCGEE: So what have you got?","FLOYD: There's no need to write it down, kid. The woman up there said that she saw a sailor being strangled across the way. Never happened.","MCGEE: You checked it out?","FLOYD: Yeah, the apartment manager let us in. No sign of struggle and nobody was even there. No forcible entry. The neighbors didn't see or hear anything.","MCGEE: So why did you call us?","FLOYD: She wouldn't let it go. I think she was up a little bit too late. Had a little too much to drink, you know? Look, I've got some other real cases to investigate. Her name is Erin Kendall. Apartment Two-B. Make sure you ask her to show you the video. (CHUCKLES)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. ERIN'S APARTMENT - DAY","(KNOCK ON DOOR)","(DOOR OPENS)","ERIN: Hi.","MCGEE: Hi.","ERIN: You're the cop from NCIS?","MCGEE: Special Agent McGee.","ERIN: Come on in. Maybe I can get somewhere with you.","(DOOR CLOSES)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. ERIN'S BEDROOM - DAY","ERIN: Well, by the time I started to record, they were gone. And yes, I'd had a few glasses of wine, but I saw a sailor being strangled.","MCGEE: Are you sure it was a sailor?","ERIN: Yes! He was wearing service dress blues. I work for D.O.D. I know military uniforms.","MCGEE: (READS) \"Infinite-Dimensional Homological Algebra for Binary Systems.\" You read this?","ERIN: Oh yeah, I had the author, Sidnitski, in graduate school.","MCGEE: You went to M.I.T?","ERIN: Yes.","MCGEE: Me, too!","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","GIBBS: A root canal?","KATE: I have an appointment with a dentist in the morning.","GIBBS: Are you going to keep it this time?","(GIBBS WALKS O.S.)","TONY: I can help you. I have a friend who had a fear of flying. He was cured by a hypnotist.","KATE: A hypnotist? I don't think so.","(PHONE RINGS)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.","(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Boss, it's McGee.","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Yeah?","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) I think there may be something here.","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) You think?","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Well....","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Do we roll...","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) ... Or not, McGee?","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Roll, Boss.(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","GIBBS: DiNozzo, get the truck.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. APARTMENT - DAY","TONY: Ah, is that the witness?","MCGEE: Yeah, Tony.","GIBBS: Crime scene?","MCGEE: Ah, second floor of this apartment building here. Occupant is a civilian named Thorne. Robert J. He's not at home.","GIBBS: Let's check it out.","TONY: I hope you have more to go on than her sweet smile.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. APARTMENT - DAY","JEREMY: The police already checked this out. Thorne's one of my best tenants. I don't want to lose him. Is this going to take you guys long? I've got a meeting with my doctoral committee.","GIBBS: When was the last time you saw Mister Thorne?","JEREMY: I don't know. About a week ago? He travels a lot.","GIBBS: We can let ourselves out.","(DOOR CLOSES)","GIBBS: You made the call. What were you basing your decision on?","MCGEE: The credibility of the witness. M.I.T. graduate. Phi Beta Kappa. She builds computer models for D.O.D.","TONY: We've all seen the credentials.","GIBBS: That's it?","MCGEE: No. No, to get a closer look at the assault, Erin used a camcorder with a two hundred to one zoom lens.","GIBBS: Let's see the video.","MCGEE: Well, she didn't actually start recording until after the men had moved away from the window. But it does show that the lights were on. When Metro Police got here, they were off.","TONY: That would do it for me.","MCGEE: Boss? The truth?","GIBBS: That would be good.","MCGEE: There's one thing I've learned from you. It's that sometimes an agent has to go with their gut.","GIBBS: Okay. What would you do now, McGee?","KATE: I'll dust for prints.","TONY: I'll shoot.","GIBBS: We're not going to spend a lot of time on this.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS LAB - DAY","ABBY: I can't work like this, McGee. Get off my back!","MCGEE: Sorry. It's just everything is riding on you finding something that places a sailor in that apartment.","ABBY: I wish I were a magician.","MCGEE: DiNozzo says the boss is testing me.","ABBY: DiNozzo says a lot of things. Actually, this time he's probably right. Gibbs tested me.","MCGEE: Really?","ABBY: Yeah.","MCGEE: What happened?","ABBY: Nothing. I passed. Your problem is the crime scene, if it really is a crime scene. It's too clean. It didn't produce any quality prints.","MCGEE: Abby, it is a crime scene.","ABBY: Then it is. Now get out of here and let me finish my work.","MCGEE: Thank you, Abs.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","TONY: Photos from the scene of the crime. Annual performance reviews are next week.","KATE: Two sailors in the National Capitol Region were reported UA today. One female. I'm getting the particulars on the other.","(SFX: PHONE RINGS)","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) McGee.","ABBY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Good news, I think!","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Did you get a match?","GIBBS: (V.O.) Put her on the speaker.","ABBY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) I ran the only clean prints...(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) ... from the apartment through AFIS. It belongs to (V.O.) Petty Officer First Class Keith Dillon, USN.","(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","GIBBS: Is he your missing sailor, Kate?","KATE: Dillon, comma, Keith. Sure is.","MCGEE: Boss! Boss, Erin was right.","GIBBS: What does that mean, McGee?","MCGEE: Well, she wasn't imagining it.","GIBBS: It also means a sailor may be dead.","(MUSIC OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY","KATE: Keith Dillon. Thirty two. Single. Never married. Lives in Anacostia. Assigned to Pax River.","GIBBS: What's he do?","KATE: Motor pool. Driver.","TONY: I talked to Dillon's C.O. He's still a no-show.","GIBBS: We're going back to Thorne's apartment.","MCGEE: I'll get the truck. (BEAT) Uh... you did want me to get the truck, yes?","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. THORNE'S APARTMENT - DAY","TONY: I'm going to enjoy this.","ERIN: (V.O.) The attacker's back was to me most of the time.","TONY: Like this?","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. APARTMENT WINDOW - DAY","ERIN: (INTO RADIO) Yeah. And then he pulled the sailor off to your right.","TONY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Gosh, I can't tell you how many times I've thought of doing this.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. THORNE'S APARTMENT","KATE: I dare you, DiNozzo.","TONY: Oh, yeah?","(BEGIN MUSIC OVER ACTION\/ MOCK STRANGULATION)","(SFX: TONY AND KATE STRUGGLE B.G.)","ERIN: That's just what it looked like.","(SFX: KATE AND TONY CONTINUE TO STRUGGLE)","(SFX: TONY MOANS)","KATE: There are so many things I could say right now.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. APARTMENT - DAY","TONY: (INTO RADIO) Probie... (FILTERED) get the A.L.S. up here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. APARTMENT - DAY","(SFX: CURTAINS CLOSE)","TONY: Yeah, it's urine.","MCGEE: Boss, tenant does not appear to have a pet.","GIBBS: Have Abby do a DNA analysis. In the meantime, we go over this place top to bottom.","MCGEE: I'll get the equipment.","(DOOR OPENS)","KATE: Excuse me.","GIBBS: I want all the information you have on your tenant Thorne. Contact numbers, place of employment, apartment lease. Everything.","JEREMY: Oh, I'm just the manager. I call the plumber when the toilet backs up. The building's owned by Hawley Street Holdings in Boston. They got all that.","GIBBS: Get it for me.","(DOOR CLOSES)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. APARTMENT - DAY","ERIN: Did you find anything?","MCGEE: Urine. On the carpet.","ERIN: Urine?","MCGEE: Evacuation. When somebody dies, their sphincter and bladder relax.","KATE: Probably more than she wants to know, McGee.","ERIN: Special Agent Gibbs believe me now?","MCGEE: More than he did before.","KATE: McGee!","MCGEE: Oh, I'll let you know what's going on, okay?","(SFX: VAN DOORS CLOSE)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. THORNE'S APARTMENT - DAY","(SFX: VACUUM B.G.)","TONY: Clear.","MCGEE: Boss, I already vacuumed the couch for fibers.","GIBBS: It's a convertible sofa, McGee. I slept on one for seven months.","TONY: That would be after the third wife? That would be none of my business.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. BEDROOM - DAY","(SFX: CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS B.G.)","KATE: The missing Mister Thorne is even more mysterious.","GIBBS: And dangerous.","MCGEE: What do you think was in there?","TONY: Drugs.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. APARTMENT CORRIDOR - DAY","(DOOR OPENS)","JEREMY: Oh! Hawley Street Holdings faxed over a copy of Thorne's lease agreement and rental application. Uh... you're going to need Thorne's permission if you want to remove property.","GIBBS: When he shows up, tell him to call me.","JEREMY: Well, I'm going to need a receipt.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY","(SFX: TRUCK BRAKES TO A STOP)","TONY: (WHISTLES) You can handle something that big?","WALKER: You'd be surprised at what I can handle.","TONY: Oh, really. Now do you think I could drive a truck like this?","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. BUILDING - DAY","WADE: Not much I can tell you. Petty Officer Dillon did his job and that's about it. Didn't hang around. Didn't socialize.","GIBBS: Had he ever been late before?","WADE: This was a first. I waited until noon to report him U.A.","GIBBS: Did he ever mention a man named Thorne?","WADE: Not that I remember. What's happened? Dillon's only been U.A. a couple hours, and NCIS is involved?","GIBBS: According to his service records, Petty Officer Dillon washed out of Seal training.","WADE: Yeah, I heard he rang the bell. Agent Gibbs, I'm his C.O. I want to know what's going on.","GIBBS: We have a report of a sailor being strangled.","WADE: And you think it's Petty Officer Dillon?","GIBBS: We found his prints at the scene. No body. That's all I can tell you.","(TONY AND PRETTY OFFICER WHISPER\/GIGGLE B.G.)","GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Hey, DiNozzo!","TONY: I gotta go. Check you later.","PETTY OFFICER: You know where to find me.","TONY: Okay.","GIBBS: Get her number?","TONY: I wasn't hitting on her and neither was Petty Officer Dillon. She was interested in him, but he has a girlfriend.","GIBBS: Did you get her name?","TONY: Meg. It fits a hot chick like that.","(SFX: GIBBS HITS TONY)","TONY: Oh! You meant Dillon's girlfriend.","GIBBS: (V.O.) Check out his place in Anacostia.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","ABBY: (V.O.) I enjoy going to the dentist.","KATE: What could you possibly enjoy?","ABBY: A little pain is a good thing, Kate. That's why people put hot sauce on tacos.","GIBBS: What did the urine tell you, Abby?","ABBY: Oh, all kinds of stuff. We had a really good talk. I was able to extract epithelial cells.","MCGEE: That's human urine, Boss.","GIBBS: What else?","ABBY: No recreational drugs. Not diabetic.","GIBBS: Male or female?","ABBY: Wasn't pregnant.","GIBBS: D.N.A.?","ABBY: You're never satisfied, are you? I'm working on it. And the ballistics from Thorne's gun. But I found something interesting in the mattress cutout. Do you want to come see?","GIBBS: Be down in a minute.","ABBY: Okay. I need an assistant.","GIBBS: It's not in the budget.","KATE: The name Robert J. Thorne has to be an alias. Nothing on his apartment rental application checks out. His driver's license, social, references are all phony. He lists his occupation as a sales representative, but the company doesn't exist.","GIBBS: The owners of the building didn't verify anything?","KATE: He paid the first month, last month and every payment since in cash. Apparently, dead presidents are the only reference they needed.","MCGEE: Ran the serial number on Thorne's Sig by the manufacturer. It was sold fifteen months ago to a Virginia dealer. He works gun shows. Trying to track him down.","GIBBS: What'd you find?","TONY: Couldn't tell when Petty Officer Dillon was last in his apartment. Bed wasn't made, but from the looks of the place, it never is.","GIBBS: What about the girlfriend?","TONY: Ah, indications are they're in the not-ready-to-commit stage.","KATE: Indications?","TONY: Yeah. She keeps her cosmetics and her toothbrush there, but no clothes. And they are intimate, but not at the moment.","KATE: Okay, now how would you know that?","TONY: Gyne-Lotrimin. Jill Meyers has a yeast infection. I'll call the pharmacy and get her address.","GIBBS: You may not admire his methods, but you gotta love the results. I'm with Abby.","MCGEE: Uh Boss, can I come?","GIBBS: Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS GARAGE - DAY","MCGEE: What've you got, Abs?","ABBY: Do I have to answer the newbie?","GIBBS: Humor him.","ABBY: There were traces of cocaine found inside the box.","MCGEE: So Tony was right. He was dealing drugs.","ABBY: Maybe not. The traces were microscopic. So it could just be from hiding money. (TO GIBBS) He calls himself a federal agent.","GIBBS: The U.S. money supply is contaminated with traces of cocaine.","MCGEE: I thought that was an urban myth.","ABBY: Gimme a bill.","MCGEE: Huh?","KATE: Give me a bill.","GIBBS: A hundred?","MCGEE: Yeah, I like to be prepared for any emergency.","ABBY: You're such a Boy Scout. Money is a great receptor because the ink never really dries. One bill used to snort cocaine and then going through an ATM leaves minute traces of the drugs on thousands of others.","(CONT.) Four out of five bills in circulation are contaminated to the level that can be detected by drug dogs.","MCGEE: Um... Abs?","ABBY: Yeah?","MCGEE: Are you forgetting something?","ABBY: No.","GIBBS: Hey, McGee!(PHONE RINGS)","MCGEE: Just a second. (INTO PHONE) Special Agent McGee.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY","FLOYD: (INTO PHONE) Hey, kid. This is Detective Floyd. We found something you might be interested in. (TO POLICE) Step out there.","(MUSIC OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. NCIS TRUCK - DAY","MCGEE: I knew Erin saw what she saw. That feeling in my gut was right.","TONY: That feeling you experienced was lower than your gut, Probie.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY","KATE: Oh! All right, Ducky, you're up.","DUCKY: Thanks, Caitlyn.","KATE: I'd have to be really desperate to use one of these things.","DUCKY: Yeah, wretched, aren't they?","FLOYD: Looks like your missing sailor was dumped here over the weekend. His watch and his wallet are missing.","GIBBS: The killer didn't know he was seen strangling Petty Officer Dillon. He made it look like a mugging.","FLOYD: Makes sense. Any luck tracking Thorne down?","GIBBS: The name's an alias.","FLOYD: The kid's got good instincts, though.","GIBBS: Yeah, you think so, huh? McGee!","MCGEE: Yeah?","GIBBS: Did you leave my coffee in the truck?","MCGEE: Oh, I'm getting it now, Boss.","FLOYD: Keep me posted.","GIBBS: Duck?","DUCKY: Oh, based on the lividity and blood pooling, the body was most definitely moved. The ligature marks indicate strangulation as the cause of death. These parallel lines suggest electrical cord. Time of death... twelve to fourteen hours ago.","GIBBS: That would confirm the witness' story.","DUCKY: Yeah. Bag his head and hands, Mister Palmer.","TONY: Hey, do you want to help me with the grid?","KATE: Oh... give me the hypnotist's number.","MCGEE: Here you go, Boss.","GIBBS: What's next?","MCGEE: What?","GIBBS: How do we proceed, McGee?","MCGEE: Right. Well, uh... we've got to figure out who Thorne is and find a connection between him and Petty Officer Dillon. Probably the money.","(CONT.) And I think it would be a smart move to keep an eye on Thorne's apartment. If he doesn't know we're on to him, then he'll be back.","GIBBS: What else?","MCGEE: I think Erin and the building manager should work on a composite sketch. Am I forgetting anything?","GIBBS: Just to keep my coffee hot, McGee. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY","DUCKY: Bring me an evidence file please, Mister Palmer. This fiber appears synthetic, most likely the Petty Officer didn't pick it up from the portable loo. Their making your death appear a robbery was a very amateurish attempt at a red herring.","JIMMY: I've always found that a very curios expression.","DUCKY: Yes, it is, isn't it? You know the derivation? Fox and hounds.","JIMMY: How's that Doctor Mallard?","DUCKY: Well, the only practical way to cure a herring is by smoking and salting. Yes, it turns the fish a crimson red and gives it a very distinctive smell. In the early Fifteenth Century, they used to train their hounds to hunt foxes by dragging a red herring along the ground on a piece of string to leave a trail of scent for the dogs to follow. Then later on, they would drag a red herring across the scent trail of a real fox to test the dog's ability to ignore a false sent or false clue.","(CONT.) Hence the term red herring became to mean a false clue designed to fool one's opponent.","JIMMY: It's fascinating.","DUCKY: Yeah. (WRITES) Thank you. Do you know the etymology of the phrase, white elephant?","JIMMY: You know, I should really get this up to Abby.","DUCKY: Oh, because of its rarity, the King of Siam declared all white elephants his personal property.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS LAB - DAY","(SFX: GUNSHOTS)","ERIN: How's that?","MCGEE: Yes. Excellent.(ABBY WALKS TO THE INNER LAB)","(SFX: KEYBOARDING B.G.)","ABBY: This is as far as you've gotten?","MCGEE: Uh, yeah. That's as far as we're gonna get.","ERIN: I'm sorry. I just can't remember what he looks like.","ABBY: Show her the composite the manager did.","MCGEE: I did. It's a waste of time. It could have been anybody.","ERIN: Let me try something.","(SFX: KEYBOARDING)","ABBY: What are you doing?","MCGEE: Erin is incredible! She has rewritten software code for the M.A.U program to incorporate hyper-threading.","ABBY: I thought you were working on the composite.","MCGEE: It's not gonna happen. Erin, any idea on how to over-clock the processors?","ERIN: Yeah, um... you've got two options. Changing either the FSB or the multiplier locks.","JIMMY: Oh, a gift from Doctor Mallard.","(SFX: GIGGLING B.G.)","ERIN: There it is!","MCGEE: That's amazing!","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. BOWLING ALLEY - DAY","(SFX: BOWLING PINS B.G.)","KATE: Jill Meyers. NCIS. Special Agent Todd and DiNozzo.","TONY: We'd like to talk to you about a Petty Officer Keith Dillon. When's the last time you saw him?","JILL MEYERS: A couple of days ago. So how did you find out that I know Keith? Did he... he tell you?","KATE: Petty Officer Dillon has been murdered.","JILL MEYERS: What? What happened?","KATE: Well, that's what we're trying to find out.","TONY: How long have you and Petty Officer Dillon been... seeing each other?","JILL MEYERS: Keith came in a couple months ago. So he's dead?","TONY: Yeah.","KATE: You're married.","JILL MEYERS: Uh... yeah.","TONY: Does your husband know about Keith?","JILL MEYERS: Uh uh. He's a... he's in Iraq. Been there eight months.","KATE: Anyway he could have found out? Were things were getting serious with Keith?","JILL MEYERS: I was going to send my husband an email... breaking up. Good thing I didn't. Keith wanted me to quit my job and move in with him.","TONY: He was going to support you?","JILL MEYERS: Yeah. He was coming into a lot of money. I guess I'm stuck here now.","TONY: Did Keith ever talk about a guy named Robert Thorne?","JILL MEYERS: Keith didn't talk about anything. Our relationship was more... physical than anything else. I do know he was pissed he didn't make it as a Navy SEAL.","KATE: Anything else?","JILL MEYERS: My husband doesn't need to find out about Keith, right?","(KATE AND TONY WALK O.S.)","KATE: Dear John email? What a calculating witch. She gives all women a bad name.","TONY: I'm never getting married. There's no upside to it.","KATE: That's not true. Statistically, married men live longer.","TONY: They don't' actually live longer, it just seems longer.","KATE: You're just cynical.","TONY: Am I? Marriage was never intended to last more than a few years.","KATE: Where did you get that?","TONY: Anthropology one-oh-one. The concept was invented by cavemen with a life expectancy of twenty five years. 'Till death do us part meant four or five years tops.","KATE: That was very enlightening, DiNozzo. And I do understand now. You think like a Neanderthal.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LAB - DAY","(SFX: MUSIC PLAYS B.G.)","(GIBBS TURNS OFF THE MUSIC)","ABBY: Hey!","GIBBS: Geez!","ABBY: Don't mess with my music!","GIBBS: How do you work with that?","ABBY: It helps me to concentrate.","GIBBS: On what?","ABBY: Fibers that Ducky found on Dillon. Definitely one from the trunk lining of a car. I'm going to run them through the FBI's M.A.U. database and try to narrow it down to make, model and year. What's this?","GIBBS: Thorne's original Virginia gun purchase application for his SIG. See if you can lift a print off it.","ABBY: As soon as I'm finished with this.","GIBBS: No, Abby! Do it now!","(SFX: MUSIC B.G.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","KATE: I have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning.","TONY: You see the hypnotist? You weren't going to tell me.","KATE: I don't like crutches.","TONY: I hope you never break a leg.","GIBBS: Who is sitting Thorne's apartment?","MCGEE: Special Agent Balboa. I'm on my way to relieve him.","GIBBS: Did you find the girlfriend?","KATE: She's a piece of work, but we did find--","TONY: It's all about the money, Boss. Petty Officer Dillon told his girlfriend he was gonna be rich. A career E-six? It wasn't coming from the Navy.","KATE: We figure Thorne killed him for the money.","GIBBS: You think?","TONY: What are you thinkin'?","GIBBS: Where's the money?","KATE: Thorne took it.","GIBBS: Why'd he leave his weapon?","KATE: He's coming back.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. ERIN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT","ERIN: (V.O.) Well, I'm fascinated.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. ERIN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT","ERIN: (INTO PHONE) You have multiple degrees, including computer science from M.I.T. How did you end up a Federal Agent?(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Ah...","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) It was by design. I always wanted to be in law enforcement.","(SCENE CUT)","ERIN: (INTO PHONE) I never thought I'd be talking like this with someone who carries a gun. (GIGGLES)","(SFX: SOFT NOISE B.G.)","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Erin?","ERIN: (INTO PHONE) Hold on.","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) What is it?","ERIN: (INTO PHONE) I'll be right back.","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Okay.","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/ERIN WALKS TO THE LIVING ROOM\/ RUNS TO THE BEDROOM)","(DOOR CLOSES)","ERIN: (INTO PHONE) Somebody's trying to break into my apartment!","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) I'll be right there.","(SFX: DOOR SLAMS OPEN)","(SFX: ERIN SCREAMS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Don't hang up! I'm coming!","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. STREET - NIGHT","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/MCGEE RUNS TO THE BUILDING)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/MCGEE RUNS TO THE BEDROOM)","(SFX: LAMP SHATTERS)","MCGEE: Ah!","(SFX: GUNFIRE B.G.)","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/MCGEE PERFORMS CPR)","(MUSIC OUT)","MUSIC IN:","EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT","EMT: You're fine.","FLOYD: (V.O.) Your boy witnessed a murder.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. ERIN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT","GIBBS: He was staked-out in Thorne's apartment.","FLOYD: Could he pick the killer out of a line-up?","GIBBS: You have a suspect?","FLOYD: No, but if I did, I'd like to find out if your boy could--","GIBBS: His name is Special Agent McGee.","FLOYD: ... If Special Agent McGee could make a positive I.D.","GIBBS: Get a suspect and we'll find out.","FLOYD: I'll secure the crime scene. My M.E.'ll be here in about ten minutes.","GIBBS: She was my witness. This is still my case.","FLOYD: A civilian kills another civilian? I do not think so. Nobody gets in here but our forensic team.","OFFICER: Mm-hmm. Right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. APARTMENT - NIGHT","KATE: Hey.","MCGEE: I should have been watching from Erin's apartment.","KATE: No, you were exactly where you were supposed to be, McGee.","MCGEE: I saw Erin lying there, and I rushed in without clearing the room. He hit me from behind with something.","KATE: A lamp.","MCGEE: I should have got him.","KATE: (V.O.) You tried.","MCGEE: I tried to save Erin and I didn't. I tried to shoot her killer, and I missed.","KATE: Her death is not your fault, Tim.","MCGEE: All I can see is Erin lying on the floor.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CORRIDOR - DAY","JEREMY: A shot woke me up, and I looked out the window and I saw a guy in a dark jump suit running towards \"S\" Street.","FLOYD: I'll take over here.","(PHONE RINGS)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) What?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LAB - NIGHT","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) I got a match on the slug that I fired from the gun found in Thorne's apartment.","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Yeah?","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) I ran it through A.T.F. It was used in two unsolved murders.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT","TONY: What's up, Boss?","GIBBS: Cancel Ducky. Let's get out of here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Bowers. (SPELLS) B.O.W.E.R.S. Can you fax me a copy of the files? Great. Thanks, Lieutenant. (TO MCGEE) Some advice? You can sit there and second guess what you should or shouldn't have done and never get the answer. Or you can get back on the job and catch the b*st*rd. The Sig in Thorne's sofa bed was used to murder a Carole Anne VanBuren in suburban Raleigh and a Thomas Roy Bowers in Baltimore.","GIBBS: Any tie between them?","TONY: Just the Sig. VanBuren was involved in a messy divorce. Husband's a lot richer with her dead. Bowers was a tough union steward leading a long strike.","GIBBS: Both hits.","TONY: Sounds like it.","GIBBS: Have the local LEOs in Raleigh and Baltimore...","TONY: Fax the files. Already did, Boss.","GIBBS: How's the root canal?","KATE: Nothing to it.","TONY: Thanks to...?","KATE: You, Tony. I have to give you credit. The hypnotist really worked.","TONY: Thank you.","KATE: You know, Gibbs, this hypnotist consults with police departments on cases of repressed memory. She might be able to help McGee recall details.","GIBBS: Yeah? Why don't we just use a Ouija board?","KATE: Hypnotism isn't a parlor game, Gibbs.","GIBBS: You could fool me.","KATE: Can we at least try?","GIBBS: No. (BEAT) Ah hell, why not?","MCGEE: Boss, I don't think I can be hypnotized.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. THORNE'S APARTMENT - DAY","FOX: He's ready. Now traumatic memories are permanent. The biggest barrier to recalling them is stress.","KATE: Well, McGee was certainly under a lot of stress last night.","TONY: Probie's always under stress, Kate.","FOX: Well, with hypnosis we bypass the stress, go into the subconscious where the memories are. Now being here where the incident occurred will help.","GIBBS: So does a good whack to the head.","FOX: May I continue, Agent Gibbs? (TO MCGEE) Agent McGee, when I touch your forehead, you will open your eyes and remain fully relaxed. It will be last night when you were talking to Erin on your cell phone. You will see and hear everything clearly.","MCGEE: What is it?","FOX: What's happening?","MCGEE: She's heard a sound. She's scared.","FOX: What is she saying?","MCGEE: She's talking low. Sounds frightened.","FOX: Her exact words.","MCGEE: Someone's trying to break into my apartment.","FOX: What did you do?","MCGEE: I went to the window.","FOX: Do it.","(MCGEE WALKS TO THE WINDOW)","FOX: What did you see?","(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE)","MCGEE: Erin's being assaulted. I have to help her.","FOX: Just stay with this feeling. Are you looking at the attacker's face? Describe it.","(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE)","MCGEE: I can't see him.","FOX: How is he dressed?","MCGEE: Jumpsuit. Hooded jacket.","FOX: What else can you see?","MCGEE: His hands. Putting something around her throat.","(SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS)","ABBY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Gibbs.","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Hold on.","MCGEE: (V.O.) A watch.","FOX: Describe the watch.","MCGEE: Large.","(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE)","MCGEE: On his right wrist. I've got to help her.","FOX: It's all right. You're going to sit down. When I touch your forehead, you will be fully aware. Your memory sharp and clear.","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, go ahead.","ABBY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) I don't know what you're doing...(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) . but it can't be more important than what I've got.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Just say it, will you, Abs?","ABBY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) You asked, I've lifted.","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) It wasn't easy, but I got a partial off Thorne's gun application.","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) You ran it through AFIS?","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) I didn't have to.","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Why not?","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Because I already know everything that you need to know about him.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Good work, Abs. (TO FOX) Can you give us a minute, please?(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","FOX: Sure, no problem.","GIBBS: Abby found Thorne.","KATE: Where?","GIBBS: In Ducky's cold storage vault.","TONY: He's dead?","KATE: I don't... I don't understand.","GIBBS: Abby matched the print taken from Dillon's corpse to one taken from Thorne's gun application. Petty Officer Dillon and Thorne are the same guy.","TONY: Dillon was the hit man?","GIBBS: He probably used the name Thorne when he was hired to kill those two people.","KATE: A macho, washed-out SEAL, trying to prove his worth.","GIBBS: Creates a fictitious persona, Thorne, to freelance as a killer.","MCGEE: If there's no Thorne, who murdered Erin and Dillon?","GIBBS: Whoever stole the money from the sofa.","(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE)","MCGEE: Boss, the killer was wearing his watch on his right wrist.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. APARTMENT CORRIDOR - DAY","(SFX: MCGEE POUNDS ON THE DOOR)","JEREMY: Hey, what's going on? (BEAT) Hey, did you guys find Thorne?","GIBBS: Yeah, we found him.","MCGEE: You b*st*rd! You wear your watch on your right hand.","JEREMY: A lot of people do.","MCGEE: You have the keys to Thorne's apartment.","JEREMY: I'm the manager. I've got keys to all the apartments.","GIBBS: Did Detective Floyd tell you that the young woman across the street witnessed the murder in Thorne's apartment? We're going to match the fibers found on Dillon's body to the trunk fibers in your car. What do you think about that?","(SFX: JEREMY THROWS HIS GROCERIES)","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/JEREMY RUNS FROM THE APARTMENT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. STREET - DAY","(MUSIC OVER ACTION CHASE SCENES)","(SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH)","JEREMY: No! No! No! No! Don't! Don't! Don't!","GIBBS: (SHOUTS) McGee! If you're gonna shoot him, you should have done it while he was running! (TO JEREMY) Turn over!","(SFX: SIREN)","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","KATE: You are so...","TONY: Coordinated.","KATE: Adolescent.","TONY: I prefer the term \"fun-loving.\" Oh! Ooh! Oh, hey! Food fight!(KATE AND TONY BEGIN A FOOD FIGHT)","(SFX: LAUGHTER)","MCGEE: Guys. Guys! Guys! Please, I'm trying to write.","KATE: Sorry, McGee.","TONY: Need any help?","MCGEE: No thank you. Just some quiet.","TONY: No problema. Shh!","TONY: (LOUDLY) Remember your first.... (QUIETLY) remember your first report, Kate?","KATE: Yes! Gibbs made me rewrite it twice. I felt like I was in grammar school again. Are you going to pick up those carrot sticks?","TONY: I didn't throw any carrot sticks.","KATE: I can't stand working in a pig sty.","(SFX: TONY CHOKES)","TONY: He only made you redo it twice?","KATE: I forgot to spell check. How many times, Tony?","TONY: Can I catch a peanut in my mouth without missing?","KATE: Ah. Did you have to redo your first report for Gibbs?","TONY: A few.","KATE: What's a few?","GIBBS: Five. It would have been more but I took pity on him.","KATE: Ooh!","GIBBS: McGee, good job. Send it up to the Director.","MCGEE: Will do, Boss.","GIBBS: Any more food fights in here I'm joining in with peas.","KATE: Frozen peas?","GIBBS: Nope. In the can.","TONY: (READS) Dear Mister and Missus Kendall.","KATE: It's a sympathy note.","TONY: That's nice, McGee.","KATE: That's very nice.","(MUSIC OUT)"],"Show Title":"NCIS","Episode Number":"02x14","Episode Title":"Witness","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"NCIS_02x20.json","Recap":["A marine is found dead at the local college campus, his neck broken and his friend and fellow marine missing. McGee and Abby discover a trace in the e-mails with several photos of the dead marine and his missing friend with their faces circled and Gibbs finds out that the marine and a group of fellow NROTC students were part of a paintball club. Back at the lab, Abby receives anonymous IMs from a hacker with cryptic messages about the two marines. The missing marine is found dead at an unused construction site, leading the team to suspect the deaths may be result of a competitive paintball game gone wrong, or something else none of the team expected."],"Transcript":["EXT. CLEARING - NIGHT","DONNY: You have entered the circle. You have felt the flames. You have suffered the seven trials. You have reached the moment of your final test! Are you prepared?!","GROUP: Yes, Sir!","DONNY: Then let's do it. Go!","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/GROUP RUNS INTO THE BUSHES)","DONNY: Last one to the house drinks the keg dregs! I love hell week! Did you see their faces?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. BUSHES - NIGHT","(FREDERICK STUMBLES THROUGH THE BUSHES)","(FREDERICK SCREAMS)","(CUT TO BLACK)","(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE\/SCENES\/ CREDITS AND OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. MCGEE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY","LEADER: (V.O.) Strike Force Command, this is Red Leader. Alpha Team is in play.","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Roger that, Red Leader. Have visual. You've got hostiles on both the north and east quadrants of the building. All teams prepare for entry. Our target is located on the--","LEADER: (V.O.) Say again, Strike Force Command. Did not copy your last.","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Uh... wait one, Red Leader.","LEADER: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Copy that. Red Unit, hold your positions.","(DOOR OPENS)","TONY: Hi, Probie!","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Uh... David, I have to call you back.","(HANGS UP PHONE)","TONY: Told you he was a boxer's guy.","KATE: Gee, McGee. I thought for sure you were a tighty whitey man!","TONY: Come on, let's get dressed. You don't want to keep Gibbs waiting.","MCGEE: You said zero nine hundred. It's only seven thirty.","KATE: Oh, we thought we'd observe you in your natural environment.","TONY: Kind of like watching National Geographic. We watch as the McGee moves slowly from the watering hole trailed by hyenas. Is this the History Channel room? Ah, this is where you do your writing thing, huh?","(SFX: TYPING)","TONY: Look at this! (READS) \"The Continuing Adventures of L.J. Tibbs...\"","MCGEE: It's personal.","TONY: I wonder who L.J. Tibbs could be?","KATE: Check it out. He eats dinosaur cereal!","(SFX: TONY MAKES DINOSAUR NOISES)","MCGEE: Okay, would you both please just wait by the door... by the door, please.","TONY: Got any Macy Gray in here?","MCGEE: Tony, don't touch those! Those are collectables! They're very valuable.","TONY: Oh, gosh! Sorry! I just thought they were musty old records.","MCGEE: It's bad enough having to work on Sundays without you guys ransacking my apartment.","TONY: Yeah, it was very inconsiderate of that Marine Sergeant to die on a weekend.","MCGEE: I'm getting my weapon! Don't touch anything else!","KATE: Hey!","TONY: George Cloony could not get laid in this place.","KATE: Your place needs a lot of help, McGee.","TONY: At least you're not building a boat in your basement.","MCGEE: Come on.(DOOR CLOSES)","SARAH: Tim?","RED LEADER: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Strike Force Command, this is Red Leader. McGee, are you there?","SARAH: (INTO PHONE) This is Strike Force Command. Do you copy?","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. CLEARING - DAY","DUCKY: Based on the rigor resolving itself, I'd say our Sergeant's been dead for at least thirty six hours.","GIBBS: I'm more concerned with how it happened, Duck.","DUCKY: Well, apart from the obvious, he took a tumble down the hill. Neck's probably broken. Yeah, but then we never do put too much emphasis on the obvious. Do we, Sergeant?","GIBBS: Look out!","DUCKY: It's remarkable how these college hangouts all smell the same. Stale beer, tobacco, vomit.","GIBBS: It's from the kid that found him.","DUCKY: Any idea why the young man is half-naked?","GIBBS: Must be a college thing. Hey, where've you been?","TONY: Stopped for coffee. Got here - you are welcome.","GIBBS: Marine Sergeant Joseph Aaron Turner. Found dead at oh-two hundred by a drunk college student.","TONY: Sounds like hell week.","GIBBS: Hell week?","TONY: Yeah, the fraternal right of passage. Worst week of my life. Followed by the best four years.","GIBBS: Yeah, you were running around in your skivvies, DiNozzo?","TONY: Technically. Well, back then they made us wear them on our heads. I think it was -- a sort of character building thing.","KATE: It certainly explains a lot.","GIBBS: Uh-huh. Hey McGee.","MCGEE: Yeah.","GIBBS: Find out what Turner was doing on campus.","MCGEE: On it.","BELLO: Excuse me, Special Agent Gibbs? I wonder if we could let Mister Pippin go home and dress more appropriately.","GIBBS: Sure. After one of my agents interviews him. DiNozzo.","TONY: Uh, you know, I think that's really more up Kate's alley.","GIBBS: Well, maybe, but you two have so much in common. Go. (TO BELLO) This area popular with students?","BELLO: For all sorts of extracurricular activities. Bonfires, fraternity pranks.","KATE: Hazing?","BELLO: We've had our share of incidents. Broken bones, alcohol poisoning. And this isn't the first accidental death we've seen.","GIBBS: Who said anything about an accident?","BELLO: You think this is a homicide?","GIBBS: Until I find out it wasn't.","MCGEE: Boss, I had Turner's SRB pulled. He's an NROTC student attached to the Waverly University campus. Lives in the dorms.","GIBBS: Do you have an address?","MCGEE: Uh... just getting on that. I'll radio his unit.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. TURNER'S ROOM - DAY","GIBBS: I thought college students were supposed to be poor?","LEMAY: Most of my midshipmen wouldn't know how to survive without at least two hundred channels and a DSL hook-up, Agent Gibbs.","GIBBS: How long have you been Turner's Marine Officer Instructor, Captain Lemay?","LEMAY: Since he enrolled last year. You expect to lose men in combat, not on a college campus. What the hell happened to my Marine?","GIBBS: I'm working on it, Captain.","LEMAY: What can I do to help?","GIBBS: You can start by telling us about him.","LEMAY: He was one of my best Midshipmen. Came to us straight from fleet after two combat tours in Iraq and Afghanistan.","GIBBS: How was he taking to college life?","LEMAY: There was a fair amount of culture shock. But like any good Marine, he adapted.","GIBBS: Any personal problems or issues?","LEMAY: We had a few incidents with student activists on campus.","GIBBS: Protesting the war?","LEMAY: Protesting anything military. Our unit was vandalized, rallies outside our offices. When word got out that Turner was a vet, he took some heat.","GIBBS: What kind of heat?","LEMAY: Name-calling, mostly. Turner handled it like most Marines.","GIBBS: Not well.","LEMAY: He lost five Marines in his squad in Iraq. He handled it as best he could, Agent Gibbs. He was a damn fine Marine.","MCGEE: And intelligent too, Boss. These are graduate level mathematics. Theoretical calculus.","LEMAY: He was on the advanced track in math and physics. He was a real asset to the Corps.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY","DUCKY: You're blowing in my ear, Mister Palmer.","JIMMY: Sorry, Doctor.","DUCKY: Something piqued your interest?","JIMMY: It seems this break is too clean to be the result of a fall.","DUCKY: Correct. If he landed on his neck, this would be jagged here. But this? This is too precise. Do you notice anything else?","JIMMY: Well, he took a beating.","DUCKY: Yes, bruises around the eyes, knuckles grazed. But what captured my attention most were these. This coloration suggests they were recent. Inflicted on our poor Marine just before his death.","JIMMY: Do we know what caused them?","DUCKY: We do not yet. Yes, but it reminds me of an English Earl who was abducted and asphyxiated. Every bone in his body was broken.","JIMMY: What happened to him?","DUCKY: Well, it was on a moonlit night...","GIBBS: Do we know what killed him yet?","DUCKY: Sergeant Turner was involved in a nasty fight that resulted in a broken neck.","GIBBS: He was murdered?","DUCKY: Yeah.","GIBBS: What about these welts?","DUCKY: Certainly painful, but they didn't do any internal damage. Mostly surface.","GIBBS: Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Duck?","DUCKY: I'm afraid so, Jethro.","GIBBS: Call me when you find out.","(GIBBS WALKS O.S.)","(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)","JIMMY: Find out what, Doctor?","DUCKY: Sergeant Turner may have been tortured before his death.","JIMMY: Whoa!","DUCKY: Yeah.","JIMMY: So that's what happened to the English Earl.","DUCKY: What English Earl?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LAB - NIGHT","ABBY: You said Turner was smart, McGee, when in fact, you should have said he was brilliant. These equations rock! It's Homology.","MCGEE: Close. Cohomology.","ABBY: I think it's Homology.","MCGEE: No, it's Cohomology. I did my independent study on advanced String Theory, so I think I would know.","ABBY: I see you are playing the M-I-T card again.","MCGEE: No, I just happened to go to school there.","ABBY: And you just happened to talk about it a lot.","GIBBS: Oh, so glad to see you two don't need adult supervision.","ABBY: McGee was annoying me again.","GIBBS: Don't. What do we have from the crime scene?","ABBY: Oh, um... I got Turner's toxicology report back. His blood alcohol level was point oh seven. Not drunk.","GIBBS: Not sober either. What else?","ABBY: There were foreign blood samples found on his face and his knuckles.","GIBBS: Yeah, and?","ABBY: And a Chinese menu of chemicals found on his skin. He's dried paint, turpentine, bleach. It's like he was partying in a janitor's closet.","GIBBS: What about Turner's laptop?","MCGEE: Well, I completely underestimated the depth of his mathematics ability. I thought that he was concentrating on numerical analysis, but it turns out he was also working on fiber bundles. The work's a little rough.","GIBBS: Anything connected to his death, McGee?","MCGEE: Not yet.","ABBY: Um... I didn't go to M-I-T, but I think I found something. Turner had a private container. It's like a vault inside the hard drive where you can hide files. Very sophisticated.","GIBBS: Can you open it?","ABBY: They don't call me \"Five Fingers Sciuto\" for nothing. Actually, nobody calls me that. My nickname is actually Vamperstein, but I never really liked the sound of it.","GIBBS: Abby!","ABBY: Right. Too much caffeine. Sorry. In just a second... and we... are... in. It's an encrypted e-mail. He received it on Friday.(SFX: KEYBOARDING B.G.)","GIBBS: The same day he was killed.","EMAIL ON SCREEN: Today is the day you die.","(MUSIC OUT)","MUSIC IN:","EXT. STADIUM FIELD - DAY","(SFX: MIDSHIPMEN EXERCISE B.G.) \"One, Two, Three\"...","LEEKA: Maybe I should give you a break, you know, because you're college girls. What do you think, Simmons?","SIMMONS: No, Gunnery Sergeant?","LEEKA: (SHOUTS) Damn straight! To me you're midshipmen! Barely! Understood?!","SIMMONS AND TAYLOR: Yes, Gunnery Sergeant!","LEEKA: (SHOUTS) You pull a stunt like that again with me, and you can both kiss your scholarships goodbye! Go! Away!","GIBBS: Gunnery Sergeant Leeka? Special Agents Gibbs and Todd, NCIS.","LEEKA: Sorry you had to hear all that.","KATE: What did they do?","LEEKA: Notice the hair, Ma'am?","KATE: Not regulation?","GIBBS: No.","LEEKA: Purple and orange?","KATE: Oh.","LEEKA: Sometimes I feel like I'm a kindergarten teacher.","GIBBS: Oh yeah, I'm familiar with the sentiment.","LEEKA: So Captain Lemay said you wanted to talk to me about Sergeant Turner?","GIBBS: What kind of Midshipman was he, Gunny?","LEEKA: He put most of those kids to shame, Sir. He would have made one hell of a Marine officer.","KATE: The Captain said that he had problems with war protesters.","LEEKA: You could say that, Ma'am. One of them spit on his uniform. Turner cleaned his clock.","KATE: Well, do you think this protester was the type to look for revenge?","LEEKA: Are you saying Turner was murdered?","KATE: We are.","GIBBS: I want to know why.","LEEKA: Simmons!","SIMMONS: (SHOUTS) Sir!","LEEKA: Get me Midshipman Blake! Doubletime!","SIMMONS: (SHOUTS) Yes, Gunny!","LEEKA: Blake's a Petty Officer. He was tight with Turner. He was also the one that pulled him off the protester before the campus cops arrived.","GIBBS: Who else was Turner tight with?","LEEKA: Well, Blake will know. They're the only two enlisted men in the unit.","SIMMONS: Excuse me, Gunnery Sergeant!","LEEKA: What, Simmons?","SIMMONS: Midshipman Blake didn't report to formation this morning.","LEEKA: Blake's never been U.A. Not since I started here.","GIBBS: Are you telling me Petty Officer Blake is missing?","LEMAY: No, I'm telling you that he is, Agent Gibbs. No one's seen Blake since Friday night.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CORRIDOR - DAY","TONY: Oh, hi, ladies. Oh God, I miss college. Find the room yet, Probie?","MCGEE: Right here.","FRANKEL: Yeah, Blake's not there.","TONY: You never told me you had a brother.","MCGEE: Any idea when he's coming back?","FRANKEL: I haven't seen him for a couple days.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. DORM ROOM - DAY","(DOOR OPENS)","FRANKEL: You guys are definitely not campus cops. I make you for FBI.","TONY: Wrong. NCIS.","MCGEE: That stands for...","FRANKEL: Yeah, I know what it stands for. You're here because of Turner, right?","MCGEE: Did you know him?","FRANKEL: I was in his NROTC unit.","MCGEE: Oh, wow! These are the new docking stations for...","FRANKEL: Yeah, yeah. He just got that. It's the new Axim X-Five hand held computer. It's sweet, right?","MCGEE: Yeah.","TONY: Sweet!","FRANKEL: Shouldn't you guys be wearing rubber gloves? You're completely compromising the integrity of the crime scene.","TONY: It's not a crime scene. It's a dorm room.","FRANKEL: You totally think Finnegan had something to do with Turner's death. Why else would you be here?","TONY: You got us, Sherlock!","FRANKEL: Maybe they were partners in some kind of illicit business. Like they dealt drugs on campus.","TONY: Well, now did they?","FRANKEL: No, I was being hypothetical. Do you guys have a warrant? Because if you don't, then nothing you find here will be admissible in court. Unless, of course, you have probable cause.","TONY: That is exactly what we have.","FRANKEL: I don't know. Just because he wasn't home?","TONY: Little girl, what's your name?","FRANKEL: Simon Frankel.","TONY: Okay listen, Urkel, we're here on official business, so why don't you go back to your dorm room and play Dungeon Master and let professionals do their work.","FRANKEL: I'm just trying to help.","TONY: Do you want to be a big help?","FRANKEL: Yeah, definitely.","TONY: Okay, put your hands in the air. There's nothing to be worried about. Spread your legs. Okay, stick out your tongue. You're the gargoyle. Now guard this door!","(DOOR CLOSES)","MCGEE: That was nice.","TONY: But they don't pay us to be nice, McGee! Hey, put on some gloves! There is definitely something wrong with this guy.","MCGEE: Why?","TONY: He listens to folk music.","MCGEE: Oh, there's something else wrong with this guy, too, Tony.","TONY: A bloody rag. Nice work, McGee.","MCGEE: That's a lot of blood loss. Injured?","TONY: Or dead.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","TONY: Message on the left was on Turner's laptop. The message on the right was found on Blake's. He received it on Saturday, Boss.","GIBBS: Who sent them?","TONY: McGee's working on it.","GIBBS: What else do we know?","TONY: No one on campus has heard from Blake since Friday.","KATE: And Abby says that the blood on the rag and bed matches Blake's type.","GIBBS: Two enlisted men. One missing. One dead. What do they have in common?","KATE: The resentment of The Coalition Alliance Team for Peace, Gibbs.","TONY: CAT-Pee. Not a very attractive acronym.","KATE: Their leader's a Waverly senior, Hunter Huxley. He's been arrested five times for disturbing the peace. He's majoring in political science.","TONY: Minoring in anti-government subversion and sticking it to the man. I dated a girl like that in college once, Boss. Wasn't bad until she stopped shaving her armpits and her - she owns a car dealership now in case you're looking for a good deal.","KATE: Huxley's been leading the anti-war protests on campus. And last month at a peace demonstration in front of the ROTC building, we know that he started spitting on Midshipman.","GIBBS: And Sergeant Turner dropped him.","KATE: After that, Huxley made Turner his personal target. Harassed him regularly.","TONY: You think he could have taken it to the next level?","GIBBS: I think you and Kate are going to go find out.","TONY: Hey, turn that frown upside down, sweetie! We're going back to college!","KATE: Tony, your problem is you've never left.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. STUDENT UNION - DAY","TONY: This is what I'm talking about. It's like I'm having flashbacks or something.","KATE: I'm surprised you even remember college. You spent most of it throwing up in a urinal.","TONY: Well, I'm pretty sure you spent your Saturday nights alone in your P.J.s watching Julia Roberts videos.","KATE: Oh, you don't know what I did in college.","TONY: Mmm, but I do know what you did on your spring break.","KATE: I knew it! You still have that wet t-shirt photo, don't you!?","TONY: I don't.","KATE: You swear?","TONY: Well, I don't have it on me. Hey, A-Chi! Way to go!","KATE: God, you're pathetic. Gotta move on, DiNozzo. They're over.","TONY: What's over?","KATE: Your glory years. They've passed you by. It's time you retired the beer bong.","TONY: Ouch, Kate. Ouch.","KATE: Oh, there's our budding anarchist.","(SFX: PROTESTERS B.G.)","HUXLEY: Wake up, Corporate America! This is an immoral act! No more war! No more war!","CHANTING: No more war! (SHOUTS) No more war!","HUXLEY: Learn the truth about this war! If your Government doesn't trust you, don't trust your Government! Hey man, help us defeat Big Brother.","TONY: Well, we kind of work for him. Agents Todd and DiNozzo, NCIS.","HUXLEY: I got a permit to be here.","KATE: I'm sure you do. That's not the reason we're here, Mister Huxley.","TONY: Sergeant Joseph Turner.","HUXLEY: Oh, if he's pressing charges on me, then I'm pressing charges on him. That fascist nearly broke my jaw.","TONY: I'd hold off on the charges.","KATE: He's dead.","HUXLEY: What?!","TONY: His body was found on campus Saturday night. You hadn't heard about that?","HUXLEY: Nah. I've uh - I've been out of town. I just got back today.","TONY: Well, that's convenient.","HUXLEY: Hold on a second. You think I did it?","TONY: Well, you two didn't exactly get along.","HUXLEY: Well, yeah because he tried to beat the crap out of me!","KATE: After you spit on him!","HUXLEY: You do realize I'm a peace activist, right? Anti-violence?","TONY: Maybe you knew his friend, too. Petty Officer Finnegan Blake?","KATE: He was a Midshipman. Been missing since Friday.","HUXLEY: I get it! This is how it happens, huh? They send their Gestapo goons to try and quiet the movement. You planning on arresting me?","KATE: It's crossed our minds.","HUXLEY: Do it. I'm not afraid of you. I'm not afraid of your tactics.","TONY: You should really meet our boss. He'd like you.","HUXLEY: And you should really meet my lawyers. They'd love you!","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. ABBY'S LAB - NIGHT","MCGEE: The student organizations alone are mind-blowing. Did you know that there are seven online mystery writer workshops on campus?","GIBBS: No, I didn't. But I'm sure you're going to tell me what this has to do with our dead Marine.","MCGEE: I thought that whoever was involved in Turner's death might have a campus web account. So I hacked into the servers looking for any mention of Turner or Blake.","GIBBS: Any hits?","MCGEE: No, the servers have been pretty quiet.","(SFX: EMAIL BEEP TONES)","GIBBS: What is that?","MCGEE: Someone's IMing Sergeant Turner.","ABBY: It's an instant message, Gibbs.","MCGEE: It's like an email but live.","GIBBS: Just put it up on the plasma.","CREEPY VOICE: Hello, NCIS.","ABBY: He's not on Turner's buddy list. He's probably using an alias.","GIBBS: Can you trace it, McGee?","MCGEE: If we can keep him online.","GIBBS: Abby, talk to him.","ABBY: Okay. Hello, Creepy Voice.","CREEPY VOICE: You're looking in the wrong places.","MCGEE: He's diverting his connection through half a dozen servers. We've got the Baltimore Public Library by way of a public server in Buffalo.","GIBBS: That's it. Get him. Get him, McGee.","ABBY: Where should we be looking?","CREEPY VOICE: Deeper.","ABBY: Oh, come on. How's that going to help us?","MCGEE: I've back-traced him to the Waverly University campus.","GIBBS: Where on campus?","MCGEE: I'm almost there.","CREEPY VOICE: Look beyond the surface.","ABBY: Oh, that's a really sucky clue. When you say beyond the surface, are you being literal or metaphorical. I'm just trying to clarify!","CREEPY VOICE: They're everywhere.","MCGEE: Okay, I've got it down to one city block right off of campus. Just one more second.","CREEPY VOICE: Goodbye.","MCGEE: Got him, Boss.","GIBBS: Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT","GIBBS: You are sure about this, right?(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","MCGEE: (V.O.) I was able to--","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: ...Triangulate the connection to the campus servers.","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: (V.O.) And then reran the back trace...","GIBBS: Just answer the question, McGee.","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: Yes, I'm sure, Boss.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: Let's do this. Kate, cover the back.","GIRL: (SHOUTS) No! No! Stop!(SFX: GIRL SCREAMS B.G.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. HOUSE LIVING ROOM - NIGHT","(DOOR OPENS)","GIBBS: Federal Agents! Don't move! (BEAT) I am going to kill McGee.(SFX: GIRLS SCREAM)","TONY: We've got it covered, Kate.","(FADE OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LAB - DAY","MCGEE: (V.O.) So is Gibbs still mad at me?","TONY: About what, Probie? Dead Marine on campus? Missing Petty Officer? Computer hacker who might be part of a radical peace movement? None of these things are your fault, really. But sending Gibbs on a panty raid?","KATE: He's going to kill you.","GIBBS: Hey! I want answers. Where is Abby?","MCGEE: Ah, she's on a run to the evidence garage, Boss.","TONY: She's on a run to the evidence garage, Boss.","GIBBS: Anything on the hacker?","MCGEE: Um... he was on a wireless connection. The house you hit was set up for WiFi. He was probably sitting somewhere outside on the street. I'm working on tracing it right now.","GIBBS: You tell Abby I want her.","ABBY: Oh Gibbs, I never knew! Ducky asked me to help him figure out where the welts came from. I think I'm gonna start with the ball peen hammer. I don't know why. I just like the way it sounds... ball peen, ball peen, ball peen, ball peen.","GIBBS: What else?","ABBY: Um... probably go with the stun gun and then the garden weasel. And someone's in a really bad mood.","GIBBS: Spending the night in a room full of crying women tends to do that to me.","ABBY: Well this will cheer you up. I got the analysis back from the blood found on Turner's body. It belongs to your missing Petty Officer.","TONY: Blake? You're kidding?","ABBY: I also ran the bloody rag from Blake's house. Most of it's his and some of it is not.","KATE: Sergeant Turner's?","ABBY: Bingo.","TONY: Was his name-o. Blake and Turner were in a fight.","KATE: One turns up dead and the other hits the road.","GIBBS: Or they were killed together at the same location, Kate.","(SFX: IM BEEP TONES)","MCGEE: It's the hacker! He's sending us another instant message.","CREEPY VOICE: N.C.I.S., if you want the truth, be at Unity Quad, ten hundred hours today.","MCGEE: He's somewhere on campus right now.","GIBBS: Tony, Kate, you're with me. And you get me an exact location this time!","ABBY: Are you sure you can do it?","MCGEE: Positive. I think.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. QUAD - DAY","TONY: Excuse me. (INTO PHONE) How can we be sure Creepy Voice is even here, McGee?","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Because Tony, the campus WiFi system is broken down...(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) ...into nodes. And our hacker's signal is coming from Node Five.","(SCENE CUT)","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Yeah? And what does that mean?","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) It means he's somewhere...","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) ...In the quad right now so look for somebody with a...","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) ...Laptop or a wireless device.","TONY: (INTO PHONE) You're not real helpful, Probie.","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Less chatter. (INTO PHONE) Keep your eyes open. Find him or her.","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Boss, your one o'clock. Red hat, sunglasses. Looking real suspicious. That's what I'm talking about.","KATE: Don't you get enough of that at home?","TONY: My Internet connection's down.","KATE: Yeah. (INTO PHONE) Ten forty five. The hacker is...","(SCENE CUT)","KATE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) ...playing with us again.","MCGEE: No, Kate. I'm telling you, he's here.","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Look for something abnormal.","KATE: You're going to have to be more specific, McGee.","KYLE: Look out! Move! Out of the way!","STUDENT: Hey, watch it!(MUSIC OVER ACTION)","KYLE: Move it!","TONY: I'd say that's abnormal.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CORRIDOR - DAY","TONY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) We've got two suspects, one in a black ski mask.","GIBBS: Moving to intercept.","TONY: They're coming out of the tunnel! Okay! Get down! Get out of the way! Hey! Move out of the way! Get out of the way! (MUSIC OVER ACTION\/ TONY CHASES THE STUDENTS)","(SFX: PAINTBALL BLAST)","KYLE: You're dead!","KATE: He's got a gun!","TONY: NCIS! Federal agents! Drop the weapon!","KATE: Put down your weapon!","TONY: Drop the weapon!","GIBBS: Hold your fire!!","STUDENT: What's going on?","GIBBS: Shut up, dumb ass.","TONY: Does that hurt?","STUDENT: Yeah.","TONY: Does that hurt right there?","STUDENT: Yeah.","KATE: Kyle Zolin. He's a Midshipman.(PHONE RINGS)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs! Gibbs, I figured it out. I know what caused the welts on Turner's body.","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) We know.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) The paint ball gun.","(SCENE CUT)","INT. LAB - DAY","(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","ABBY: I really, really hate it when he does that.","(SFX: PAINT BALL GUN FIRES)","ABBY: Oops.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NROTC WARD ROOM - DAY","LEEKA: (SHOUTS) You retreads think you deserve to be officers? Do you!? Playing illegal games on campus!? You're lucky I don't rip your heads off and stomp on them!","(DOOR OPENS)","LEMAY: Agent Gibbs will take it from here, Gunny.","LEEKA: Yes, Sir.","LEMAY: I expect you gentlemen to answer his questions truthfully.","GIBBS: Sit down. Where's Finnigan Blake?(SFX: LOUD HEARTBEAT B.G.)","KYLE: We don't know, Sir.","GIBBS: How many Midshipman in this little paintball club of yours? Uh, yeah. That's right. If you turn them in they'll probably be kicked out of school just like you. It's admirable, protecting your friends. Turner does not need protection. He's lying dead on a slap with a broken neck. I think Blake is the one who put him there.","SMITH: No. No, not possible, Sir. They were best friends.","GIBBS: Yeah? Then why were they beating the crap out of each other Friday night? (SHOUTS) You were there!!","KYLE: Yes, Sir, but it's not what you think.","SMITH: They tossed a couple punches, we broke it up.","KYLE: An hour later, they were drinking beer and laughing about it.","GIBBS: Does that look like a couple of punches to you, Midshipman? His neck is snapped in half.","SMITH: He didn't look like that when he left...","GIBBS: What was the fight about?","KYLE: Turner never lost a paintball game, so Blake decided to change the rules.","GIBBS: By killing him?","KYLE: No, Sir. We played one on one. But Friday morning we all got Turner's target photo in our e-mail, and we ambushed him.","SMITH: It was supposed to be funny...","GIBBS: I want the names of everyone in your club. You do that and we can talk about your futures.","SMITH: And if we don't?","GIBBS: Son, you trust me. You will not do well in prison.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY","KATE: (V.O.) They called themselves \"The Red Cell.\" They all claim the last time they saw Blake was on Friday night, right after the fight.","TONY: We think they were protecting him.","GIBBS: Who else knew about the group?","KATE: According to them, no one. Only the Red Cell members.","TONY: First rule of Fight Club. Never talk about Fight Club. That's a great movie. Brad Pitt, Edward Norton. It's like the greatest guy movie ever. I'm going to rent that for you.","KATE: They're either lying, or one of them is the hacker that led us to the group.","GIBBS: Find him.","MCGEE: Boss!","GIBBS: You find my hacker yet?","MCGEE: Uh, no? But...","TONY: Poor Probie.","KATE: You think he needs a group hug?","TONY: Oh...","MCGEE: I found Blake.","MCGEE: (V.O.) I've been monitoring the campus WiFi...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LAB - DAY","MCGEE: ...And I was waiting for the hacker to come back online and that's when I thought of it. When we searched Blake's room, he had the docking station for an Axim X Five handheld computer. But the unit itself was not in his room.","ABBY: And they're like two thousand bucks. He probably took it with him when he pulled his disappearing act.","GIBBS: Why does this matter?","MCGEE: Because it has wireless built-in. It automatically connects to the nearest network. He is online right now.","GIBBS: Where?","MCGEE: Waverly University, node three. And according to the network logs, he's been hiding out there since Saturday morning.","GIBBS: Not bad, McGee. Let's roll!","ABBY: See? I told you he likes you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. CAMPUS - DAY","KATE: Are you sure about this, Tim?","MCGEE: I'm sure. He's here, or at least his computer is.","KATE: Well, I hope for your sake that you're right.","MCGEE: I'm right, okay?","(SFX: BEEP TONES)","MCGEE: Wait. He's in the building right behind this one.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. EXCAVATION SITE - DAY","TONY: I've got some bad news for you, Probie.","MCGEE: I don't understand. He should be here.","TONY: Maybe he disappeared with the building.","MCGEE: I'm telling you, he's here.(MCGEE OPENS THE GATE AND WALKS TO THE CLEARING)","MCGEE: Signal's getting stronger. It's here!(SFX: BEEP TONES CONTINUE)","GIBBS: Where?","MCGEE: It's right below me. He must have buried it.","TONY: We're being screwed with again.","KATE: It's the hacker, McGee.","MCGEE: (SHOUTS) I found something! It's a body. It's lying face down. This is where the head should be. He's wearing a hood.","GIBBS: This is now a crime scene.","MCGEE: It's Blake.","GIBBS: He's not lying face down.","(FADE OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY","DUCKY: Petty Officer Blake was killed early Saturday morning, just hours after Sergeant Turner's death. Now, we're dealing with a killer who is not only extremely powerful, but methodical. Each of these young men had their necks broken in a violent and identical fashion, I think by someone using their bare hands.","JIMMY: Well, how's that?","DUCKY: Ah, well it's a very specific technique. May I demonstrate, Mister Palmer?","JIMMY: Of course, Doctor.","DUCKY: One hand is placed firmly on the jaw here, and the other hand ...","GIBBS: Yeah, I'll do it, Duck.","DUCKY: Oh. Thank you, Jethro.","TONY: This ought to be good.","GIBBS: No, on you.","TONY: Do you think that's really necessary?","GIBBS:","GIBBS: Yeah, it'll be fun. You can either lie on the floor or I'll drop you to the floor. We used it to silence enemy sentries. (CONT.) One hand on the jaw, the other behind the head of the individual. Sixty-six pounds of torque and snap! Your eyes are on the back of your head. Dinozzo - any questions?","TONY: No, I think I got it, Boss! You missed your calling, Boss. You could have been a chiropractor.","GIBBS: We're looking for someone who knows how to kill.","DUCKY: Yes, what troubles me is our Midshipmen, in order to receive such a killing blow, would have to have been face to face with their assailants. Which means either they were ambushed or...","GIBBS: They knew him.","TONY: Hey, another Midshipman? They teach combat courses at the NROTC unit.","GIBBS: Maybe. You find my hacker yet?","TONY: McGee's upstairs working on it.","GIBBS: I didn't ask McGee. I asked my Senior Field Agent. I want that damn hacker!","TONY: Did you hear that, Palmer?","JIMMY: He sounded pretty upset.","TONY: Yeah. He called me his Senior Field Agent. Finally!","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY","MCGEE: This guy's good, Abby. Too good.","ABBY: Yeah, but we are better! I thought you went to M.I.T?","MCGEE: Abby, I don't think I can track this guy.","TONY: Don't let Gibbs hear you talking like that, Probie.","ABBY: You guys are just in time for McGee's crisis of faith. He's starting to realize that there may be someone on the planet that's smarter than him.","KATE: Oh, I'm looking at one right now.","TONY: Well, Kate, in all fairness, I am the Senior Field Agent, but I think it's an experience --","KATE: I was talking about Abby, DoDo Head.","ABBY: Thank you, Kate.","MCGEE: Okay, the only chance we have of finding this guy is if he contacts us again. I can embed a virus in the IM software and use it to tag his computer and hope that it leads...","TONY: (OVERLAP) Viruses, tracking software? You guys are going about this the wrong way. What is the first rule of Fight Club, Probie?","MCGEE: Okay Tony, you can barely turn your computer on. So no offense...","TONY: (SHOUTS) You do not talk (WHISPERS) about Fight Club! And what is the second rule of Fight Club? Abs?","ABBY: (SHOUTS) Do not talk about Fight Club!","(SFX: TONY CLEARS HIS THROAT)","ABBY: Sir!","TONY: Exactly! And Creepy Voice is the guy who led us to Red Cell.","ABBY: So he's either a member or he knows a member.","KATE: And they're all Midshipmen.","TONY: Of course, if the guy's giving McGeek a run for his money, he's got to be pretty smart. McGee, what was your GPA in college?","MCGEE: Three point nine. I failed a fencing class in sophomore year.","TONY: So I'm sure you already checked the NROTC records to make sure there's no... computer genius in the unit.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","KATE: (V.O.) I hate to say it but that was actually smart, Tony.","GIBBS: What was, Kate?","KATE: Tony might have figured out how to find the hacker.","GIBBS: It's his job. You think I keep him around for his personality?","MCGEE: There are twenty two Midshipmen in the unit with computer science majors. Only one of them has a four point oh. Look familiar?","TONY: You want to bring him in with me?","MCGEE: Considering he embarrassed me, almost got me fired and ruined my weekend? What do you think?","(TONY AND MCGEE WALK O.S.)","(SFX: IM BEEP TONES)","CREEPY VOICE: Hello N.C.I.S.","ABBY: You might be smart, but my geek carries a gun. Hello, you twisted piece of...","SWISH PAN TO:","INT. STUDENT UNION - DAY","ON COMPUTER SCREEN: Red Cell is just the beginning. You have to ask why?","Knock knock Who's there? I'm right behind you dirtbag. Turn around","TONY: Howdy, Urkel.","FRANKEL: Ow! You're hurting me! Ow!","MCGEE: You hear something, Tony?","TONY: No.","MCGEE: Me either.","TONY: No need to worry. Federal Agents. Have a nice day.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY","(DOOR OPENS)","FRANKEL: Hey, so what do they call it? The box? The coffin? The sweat shop?","TONY: We just call it interrogation.","FRANKEL: What's the deal? You lean on me first...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY","FRANKEL: Then bring your partner in? Get me blabbering? Are you the good cop or the bad cop?","TONY: Sit.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY","TONY: Okay, I'm going to be honest with you. This is a major waste of time. You clearly didn't do this.","FRANKEL: Reverse psychology.","TONY: But my boss, he needs to close the case.","FRANKEL: Brass wants answers.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY","TONY: There is this other agent... Kate. Severe looking thing. No sense of humor. She built the profile on you.","MCGEE: What kind of interrogation technique is that?","GIBBS: The DiNozzo method. Not pretty, but it's effective.","TONY: (V.O.) It turns out...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY","TONY: ...you're the geek's geek. The last one to be picked for the team.","FRANKEL: That's not true.","TONY: This isn't me, Urkel, okay? I think you're great. Sure you broke a few ...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY","TONY: ...Federal laws interfering with an ongoing murder investigation.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY","FRANKEL: I was trying to help you.","TONY: Right. It's the way you did it that's suspicious.","FRANKEL: Look at me. The last thing I need is to be pegged as a rat in the unit. Those guys would have killed me.","TONY: Maybe you were looking for payback? They wouldn't let you into their little club?","FRANKEL: That's crazy.","TONY: You know what's crazy? Me almost putting a bullet in a kid's head 'cause he's playing paintball. That's a little crazy.","FRANKEL: I didn't... I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I was just trying to help. Turner was a friend.","TONY: So you thought sending cryptic emails was going to help us find his killer?","FRANKEL: I think I know who killed him.","TONY: Who?","FRANKEL: Petty Officer Blake.","TONY: Yeah? Why'd he do it?","FRANKEL: There's this girl in the unit. Ashley Simmons. She used to date Blake but they broke up.","TONY: She started dating Turner?","FRANKEL: I'm not sure. I know he liked her.","TONY: He liked her? Not a real strong motive for murder, Urkel.","FRANKEL: Well, last week I saw all three of them together in the quad. Ashley was crying. Turner and Blake started arguing with each other.","TONY: About what?","FRANKEL: I... I couldn't hear, but I saw Blake push him.","TONY: So they fought?","FRANKEL: No. Turner just left with Ashley. When I asked him about it later, he said it was personal, something between the three of them.","TONY: Well that's a real interesting theory, Matlock. One problem.","FRANKEL: What?","TONY: Blake's dead. He was murdered a few hours after Turner.","FRANKEL: But by who?","TONY: Someone who wanted to frame him for the murder of his best friend.","(DOOR CLOSES)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY","GIBBS: Find Midshipman Ashley Simmons now.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. WARD ROOM - DAY","LEEKA: Why is your hair still purple, Simmons?","SIMMONS: It takes a few days to wash out, Gunny.","LEEKA: I hope the time you've spent field-daying is starting to sink in. I own you until the day you graduate.","SIMMONS: Yes, Gunny. It won't happen again.","LEEKA: Do you want to give people orders someday? You need to learn how to follow them.","GIBBS: Sounds like pretty good advice, Gunny.","LEEKA: Good evening, Sir. Any luck finding Blake?","GIBBS: That's why we're here.","LEEKA: We can talk about this in my office. You missed a spot over there, Simmons.","KATE: Actually, we're here for her, Gunny.","LEEKA: Simmons? For what?","GIBBS: We found Blake.","LEEKA: Where?","GIBBS: He's dead.","TONY: We think she knows why.","SIMMONS: I don't know anything about it.","KATE: Then you won't mind answering a few questions.","GIBBS: Take her out to the sedan. I'll be right out.","SIMMONS: But I don't know anything!","(SIMMONS WALKS O.S.)","GIBBS: Tell me everything you know about her, Gunny.","LEEKA: Simmons?","(DOOR CLOSES)","LEEKA: Kind of a screw up, but not a bad kid. Do you think she's involved in this?","SIMMONS: (V.O.) I don't understand.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. BUILDING - DAY","SIMMONS: Blake didn't kill Turner.","KATE: No, they were both murdered.","TONY: Not pretty. Almost twisted his head clean off.","SIMMONS: Oh my god, he did it.","LEEKA: (V.O.) I'm getting too old for this crap.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. WARD ROOM - DAY","LEEKA: ROTC was supposed to be an easy tour. You want a cup?","GIBBS: Uh, no. No, thanks. I'll pass.","LEEKA: Mm, good call. So just how was Blake murdered?","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. ROTC BUILDING - DAY","SIMMONS: I went to them for help last week. He wouldn't leave me alone.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. WARDROOM - DAY","LEEKA: Wow. Two identical neck-breaks.","GIBBS: Yeah. We think the killer has military training.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. BUILDING - DAY","SIMMONS: He was forcing me to sleep with him! Blake and Turner were going to go talk to him, make him stop. And he killed them!","KATE: Who, Midshipman?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. WARD ROOM - DAY","LEEKA: I'll have everyone in this unit standing by tomorrow. You can question them all at the same time.","GIBBS: Thanks, Gunny. I appreciate it. Just one thing.","LEEKA: What, Sir?","GIBBS: I said that Blake had been found dead. You said murdered.","(SFX: LEEKA LOCKS THE DOOR)","(SFX: PHONE RINGS)","LEEKA: Are you gonna answer that?","GIBBS: No. No, I'm pretty sure I know what it is they want to tell me. Put your hands up.","(SFX: LEEKA FIGHTS GIBBS)","(SFX: GLASS BREAKS)","LEEKA: Not bad, Agent Gibbs.","GIBBS: I'd give up now. It's only going to get worse.(SFX: FIGHTING CONTINUES)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NROTC HALLWAY - DAY","(SFX: FIGHTING B.G.)","TONY: I think he knows.","KATE: You think?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. WARDROOM - DAY","(SFX: LEEKA FIGHTS GIBBS B.G.)","(SFX: TONY POUNDS ON THE DOOR B.G.)","LEEKA: You should have stayed out of this, old man.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CORRIDOR - DAY","TONY: Okay, stand back.","(SFX: GUNSHOT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. WARD ROOM - DAY","(DOOR OPENS)","GIBBS: Cuff him.","TONY: Sure thing, Boss.","KATE: Somehow I don't remember college being quite like this.","TONY: It reminds me of this time at Ohio State. We had this frat guy...","GIBBS: The next person who mentions a Spring Break, or a frat party, or college, is fired! Are we clear!?","KATE: Yes.","TONY: Yes.","GIBBS: Good.(MUSIC OUT)"],"Show Title":"NCIS","Episode Number":"02x20","Episode Title":"Red Cell","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"NCIS_03x10.json","Recap":["While the team is on protective detail for the Chief of Naval Operations , McGee spots an argument taking place in an alleyway. He shoots one of the men, who he believed was aiming a gun at him. The deceased turns out to be a D.C. Metro police detective who was working undercover. When the team is unable to find any weapon or bullets left behind by anyone other than McGee, it appears that McGee may have made a probie mistake. McGee begins to doubt himself but Gibbs is suspicious of the detective's meeting, which took place that night. After speaking to the decedent's partner, the team realizes that McGee's story may be more accurate than any of them thought."],"Transcript":["MUSIC IN:","INT. HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT","ZIVA: You sold your sperm?","TONY: Stop looking at me like that. I was a freshman in college.","ZIVA: There are little teenage DiNozzos running around somewhere? Oh, that's frightening.","TONY: I never thought about it 'till this morning. I got a registered letter from a sperm bank telling me to contact them as soon as possible.","ZIVA: Why?","TONY: I don't know.","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) We're moving, DiNozzo.","TONY: (INTO MIC) Coming out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. STAIRS - DAY","GIBBS: (INTO MIC) We're on our way down.","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Roger, Boss.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GARAGE - DAY","MCGEE: (INTO MIC) The car's ready.","GIBBS: (V.O.) Check the exit.","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) On it. (ON CAMERA) They're coming down!","GUARD: (V.O.) Yes, Sir!","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/ALL WALK TOWARD THE GARAGE)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT","RYAN: (V.O.) You're making a mistake.","PASSENGER: You made a mistake!(SFX: MEN ARGUE B.G.)","MCGEE: (INTO MIC) Boss, hold on one second.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GARAGE - NIGHT","GIBBS: (INTO MIC) What do you got, McGee?","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT","MCGEE: (INTO MIC) I'm not sure.(SFX: MEN ARGUE B.G.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GARAGE - NIGHT","GIBBS: (INTO MIC) Talk to me, McGee.","(SFX: GUNFIRE B.G.)","GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Go! Go! Go! Get him out of here! Through the front entrance! Go! Go! Go! Go!","(SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/MCGEE TURNS OVER THE BODY)","(MUSIC OUT)","(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE\/ SCENES\/ CREDITS AND OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT","DUCKY: You find a weapon?","GIBBS: Nope.","DUCKY: We're done. Let's bag him and tag him, Mister Palmer.","JIMMY: Yes, Sir.","DUCKY: Do you think Mister Ryan was connected in any way to the death threat on the Chief of Naval Operations?","GIBBS: Gonna find out. It came from a human rights group protesting Marine abuse of prisoners at Gitmo.","DUCKY: It's ironic, isn't it? A human rights group threatening to kill?","GIBBS: Yeah, it's no different than a right-to-lifer bombing a family planning clinic, Duck.","DUCKY: Yes, we live in interesting times, Jethro.","GIBBS: You think, Duck?","TONY: Way to go, Probie! Three shots, three hits. I guess my instruction on the range paid off, huh?","MCGEE: Tony, I killed somebody, okay?","(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SHOOTING SCENES)","GIBBS: What about the CNO?","ZIVA: Secured at home.","TONY: Doubled his security detail.","MCGEE: Did you find his weapon?","GIBBS: No.","MCGEE: It's got to be here. I identified myself as a Federal officer. He fired at me. I returned fire. The SUV drove off. His weapon has got to be here.","GIBBS: The SUV, McGee. Did you get the color? Number? Make?","MCGEE: Dark blue or black. Virginia plate. First two numbers eight nine. I don't know the model.","GIBBS: Ziva, get out a BOLO.","ZIVA: On just that? (BEAT) Right. BOLO.","GIBBS: Hang on. Hey, I want to know everything about this guy. McGee, go back to where you fired from. DiNozzo! (LOUDLY) Show me, McGee!","MCGEE: Federal Officer! Drop your weapon!","GIBBS: Got it?","TONY: Got it. (TO MCGEE) Don't worry, McGee. I'll find the slug.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY","ABBY: This guy's a mess.","DUCKY: Yeah, you don't know the half of it. His lungs were completely blackened from what I would guess is a two-pack-a-day habit. His coronary arteries were almost completely blocked. And his liver shows definite sign of abuse.","ABBY: This little sluggy's in good shape.","DUCKY: I took that out of his thigh. Didn't impact any bone. It imbedded itself in the adductor longus.","ABBY: Ooh. This one's all banged up.","DUCKY: Yeah, left shoulder. It entered the deltopectoral triangle, smashed the fourth rib and ended up in the upper lobe of his left lung. Both of those were non-lethal. That one, however, caused massive damage. Abigail...","ABBY: Ducky.","DUCKY: You know, there was a time when you wouldn't set foot in Autopsy.","ABBY: Look how far I've come.","DUCKY: Regrettably for the moment. Look, back off.","ABBY: I think I'm ready for the next big step.","DUCKY: And what's that?","ABBY: Assisting in an autopsy.","JIMMY: Oh, yeah, right!","DUCKY: Actually, Mister Palmer, a medical degree is not required even to be a coroner. Abby has an exceptional analytical mind. She's a quick study. I think you'll do very well. Put it on. Your first lesson, lesson number one. The third bullet removed what was left of the fourth rib, smashing the costal cartilage, took a piece out of the left atrium, and lodged itself against the costal surface of the scapula.","ABBY: It's amazing how much damage one bullet can do.","DUCKY: Definitely the kill shot.","JIMMY: Um...","DUCKY: Something wrong? (BEAT) I'm sorry, McGee. That wasn't meant for your ears.","MCGEE: Not a problem, Ducky. I was hoping when I woke up this morning it was all a nightmare.","ABBY: Somebody needs a hug.","MCGEE: I was trained for last night, but...","DUCKY: Well, shooting a human cutout is not quite the same, Timothy. No one is prepared for their first kill.","MCGEE: Abby, I'm going to need you to run his prints. The driver's license was phony.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","ZIVA: The only Andrew Aidan Ryan I could find is three years old and lives in Los Angeles. The address, if it existed, would be in the middle of the Potomac.","GIBBS: Run his prints.","ZIVA: Why didn't we think of that, Tony?","TONY: Abby's working on it. FBI's identified three radical groups protesting prisoner abuse at Gitmo, Boss.","GIBBS: Catch anything with the BOLO, Officer David?","ZIVA: We did. Six hundred thousand SUVs.","TONY: That are registered in Virginia.","GIBBS: Yeah, so?","TONY: So we're going to check them against radical groups.","(SFX: TONY WHISPERS TO ZIVA)","GIBBS: Is something bothering you, Tony?","TONY: Ah...","ZIVA: He doesn't want to say what we're all thinking.","TONY: Spit it out.","ZIVA: McGee says he was shot at, but we can't seem to find the slug, shell casing or a weapon.(PHONE RINGS)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.","SUMNER: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Sir, the Director would like to see you in her office.","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Be right up. (HANGS UP PHONE -TO ZIVA) McGee isn't your father and he isn't Ari. He doesn't know how to lie.","TONY: What'd he say?","ZIVA: Let's go back to work.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY","SUMNER: Go right in, Special Agent Gibbs.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY","SHEPARD: Shut the door, Jethro.","(DOOR CLOSES)","SHEPARD: I'm flashing back to Paris in ninety nine.","(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE)","SHEPARD: Not what you're thinking.","GIBBS: No? Then what?","SHEPARD: I remember you covering for another agent.... Who messed up.","GIBBS: What agent was that?","SHEPARD: You know damn well what agent!","GIBBS: Oh, you mean the time you shot that guy.","SHEPARD: Did McGee blow it?","GIBBS: McGee is a probie. Probies make mistakes. Having said that, no, I don't think he did.","SHEPARD: Where's the gun? The slug that was fired...","GIBBS: I don't know, but I will find out.","SHEPARD: The CNO's aide called me at seven a.m. this morning. Admiral Chapman wants to know what's going on. He asked me... what are you thinking about?","GIBBS: Paris.","SHEPARD: Get your mind out of the bedroom, Jethro. Let's get some answers.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","RECORDED VOICE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line. We'll be with you in a moment.","ZIVA: You've been holding for fifteen minutes. It must be important.","TONY: Yep.","ZIVA: Sperm bank?","TONY: Yeah.","ZIVA: Why'd you do it? You didn't need the money.","TONY: It was easier than giving blood.","ZIVA: You enjoy making those deposits. (CHUCKLES) Was there a penalty for early withdrawal?","TONY: (CHUCKLES) You're a sick chick, David.","WOMAN: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Thank you for holding.","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Hi, there. I received a certified letter requesting I call. (BEAT) Thanks Agent Vandalay. You are the man! I owe you one.","GIBBS: Doing anything useful, DiNozzo?","TONY: Of the six hundred and twenty one thousand eight hundred SUVs registered in Virginia, approximately a hundred and twenty seven thousand of them are dark-colored. Vanity plates aside, one in every hundred begins with the numbers eight nine. That's over twelve hundred vehicles.","ZIVA: We're running the registered owners against the names on the list of protesters. It's going to take a while.","GIBBS: What's wrong?","ABBY: I ran the fingerprint through AFIS. The victim's real name is John Benedict.","GIBBS: Has he got a record?","MCGEE: He was a Metro detective. He was working undercover. I killed a cop, Boss.","(MUSIC UP AND OUT)","MUSIC IN:","INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY","SUMNER: Can I get you two anything?","GIBBS: No, thanks.","(SFX: PHONE BEEP TONE)","SUMNER: (INTO PHONE) Yes, Ma'am. I'll send them in.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY","SHEPARD: Special Agent Gibbs and McGee, this is Metro Police Captain Dan Karzin and Sergeant Keith Archer, the dead officer's partner.","MCGEE: I'm sorry about--","KARZIN: Director Shepard already gave us the official NCIS condolences, Special Agent McGee. We're here to find out what happened.","SHEPARD: Please sit.","GIBBS: I'd like to ask Sergeant Archer some questions. Do you know why your partner was behind the hotel last night?","ARCHER: No. We were off duty.","GIBBS: When did you last see him?","ARCHER: Yesterday about noon.","KARZIN: They were working undercover Narcotics. Just got off a thirty six hour shift. I read your report. I've got some questions. You say you identified yourself?","MCGEE: Yes, Sir.","KARZIN: Loud enough to be heard?","MCGEE: Definitely.","KARZIN: And you contend that Lieutenant Benedict then turned and fired at you.","MCGEE: Yes, Sir.","KARZIN: So why can't you find a bullet or a weapon?","GIBBS: We can't answer that yet.","ARCHER: Yeah, I can. Bennie wasn't carrying one.","KARZIN: Are you sure it happened like that, son?","(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENES)","MCGEE: It happened the way that I reported it, Captain.","KARZIN: Because I knew Lieutenant John Benedict maybe twenty years. He was a highly decorated officer. A great cop. And if Agent McGee had properly identified himself the way that he claims, there's no way that Bennie would have acted threateningly.","GIBBS: Evidently he did.","KARZIN: I don't believe it.","SHEPARD: Special Agent McGee, why don't you return to the squad room? We'll call you if we need you.","MCGEE: I'm really sorry.","(MCGEE WALKS O.S.)","KARZIN: With all due respect, Director Shepard, I think we all know what happened here. Nobody else saw another vehicle in the alley. A nervous rookie panicked. Fired prematurely. Killed a veteran cop.","GIBBS: McGee's young, but he's a damn good agent. Are you sure your partner wasn't carrying a weapon last night?","ARCHER: It would have blown his cover on the case that we were working.","GIBBS: You said he was off duty just like you are right now.","ARCHER: Yeah.","GIBBS: You're carrying.... in the small of your back. Your partner's liver said he drank a lot.","KARZIN: Oh, go to hell.","SHEPARD: Gentlemen...","KARZIN: I'm not going to stand for a cover-up.","SHEPARD: And neither am I, Captain! I shared our preliminary report and you'll have full access to our findings.","KARZIN: I'm going to conduct my own investigation.","SHEPARD: That is your prerogative.","KARZIN: And I want to interrogate McGee.","GIBBS: That's not going to happen!","SHEPARD: I'll handle this, Special Agent Gibbs.","GIBBS: McGee has made his statement. That's not going to change.","SHEPARD: Thank you for coming. You'll have NCIS's full cooperation.","KARZIN: Do I get to question Agent McGee?","SHEPARD: Yes. But not today.","(KARZIN AND ARCHER WALK O.S.)","(DOOR CLOSES)","SHEPARD: Before you jump down my throat, you think about what you would do if that cop shot McGee and McGee didn't have a weapon!","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","ZIVA: DiNozzo, look at this. I've got a possible. Robert Gershon. Thirty two year old white male. Lives in Alexandria. Drives a two thousand three dark blue Ford Expedition. First two digits of license plate.... eight nine.","TONY: McGee, was the SUV as big as an Expedition?","MCGEE: Uh, maybe. I don't know. I'm not sure.","ZIVA: This guy belongs to a protest group called \"CACA.\"","TONY: You're making that up.","ZIVA: \"Citizens Against Criminal Abuse.\" He was arrested last May for defacing the main entrance of the Pentagon with horse manure.","TONY: Call me crazy, but a guy that belongs to a group called CACA, and smears horse pucky on a government building, doesn't make death threats.","GIBBS: DiNozzo! David! Get back in that alley. Find that damn bullet! Do it now!","TONY: Boss, we spent hours. We covered every inch of where McGee was standing when he... we'll maybe find something in daylight.","ZIVA: We're working the protester angle.","GIBBS:","GIBBS: I don't think that cop being there had anything to do with the threat against that CNO. Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on here?! (CONT.) First, Abby's lab nerd frames DiNozzo for murder, and then McGee kills a cop! Did somebody break a mirror?","MCGEE: Boss, can I go with Tony and Ziva? An extra set of eyes might help.","GIBBS: No! Metro P.D. is out to get you. You find the bullet, it's compromised evidence. Hey, DiNozzo! While you're there, see if anyone saw Benedict in the area last night.","TONY: (V.O.) Got it.","MCGEE: What should I do?","GIBBS: Find that SUV.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. ALLEY - DAY","ZIVA: This is a waste of time.","TONY: Gibbs says search the alley again. We search the alley again.","ZIVA: You never question anything he tells you to do, huh?","TONY: Nope.","ZIVA: We can't find anything because there's nothing to be found.","TONY: You don't believe McGee was shot at?","ZIVA: Tony, McGee stumbled across something, misread it, and overreacted.","TONY: Not McGee. His brain's like a computer. It's scary. I'm sure procedures and regs warp-sped through his processor before he pulled the trigger.","ZIVA: It happens so fast, you don't have time to think.","TONY: We're talking about a guy who has protocols and checklists for brushing and flossing.","ZIVA: I'll start flashing Benedict's photo on the street.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LAB - DAY","MCGEE: Hey.","ABBY: How are you doing?","MCGEE: Okay. What's this music?","ABBY: I'm almost done here.","MCGEE: Tox screen?","ABBY: Yeah. It's Benedict's. Ducky said his liver showed signs of cirrhosis, but he was clean and sober last night.","MCGEE: Is that why you called me down here?","ABBY: Nope. Come with me, McGee.","MCGEE: Where are we going?","ABBY: Your therapy session.","(DOOR OPENS)","MCGEE: What? What is that smell?","ABBY: Aromatherapy. You're stressed. Anxious. Thirty minutes in here, and you'll be back to your old self. Probably even better. Now sit.","MCGEE: I don't believe in New Age panaceas, Abby. What are these things?","ABBY: Frankincense, lavender, and neroli oil.","MCGEE: What the hell's neroli oil? (READS) \"Used for the treatment of depression, nervous tension, flatulence, and irritable bowel syndrome.\"","ABBY: Are you denying that more than one of those apply to you?","MCGEE: You know what? I think I'm going to pass.","(SFX: ABBY HANDCUFFS MCGEE TO THE CHAIR)","MCGEE: Where did you get these?","ABBY: Never leave home without them.","MCGEE: Hey Abby, I have to get back to work.","ABBY: And you will as soon as you clear your mind. You'll see things from a new perspective. Just relax, enjoy, and inhale.","(DOOR CLOSES)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT","(SFX: GIBBS LAUGHS)","GIBBS: Huh. Oh...","(GIBBS WALKS TO THE ELEVATOR)","(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS\/DOORS SLIDE OPEN)","GIBBS: Are you still here?","SHEPARD: No. I'm the Director's doppelganger.","GIBBS: I never did know what that meant.","(SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED AS A JENNY ENTERS THE ELEVATOR)","(DOOR SLIDES OPEN)","GIBBS: Good night.","JENNY: Good night.(F\/X: JENNY EXITS THE ELEVATOR)","GIBBS: So a doppelganger is someone who is pissed?","SHEPARD: Yes, Agent Gibbs. This one definitely is.","GIBBS: Why?","SHEPARD: Why? Because you countermanded me in front of Metro Police.","GIBBS: I didn't countermand you. You overruled me.","SHEPARD: Oh, semantics.","GIBBS: Is that like doppelganger?","SHEPARD: (V.O.) Get a dictionary.","(SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. MCGEE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT","(TYPING FX)","(SFX: KNOCKING ON DOOR B.G.)","TONY: (IN VIEWFINDER) Ah ha! Open up, McGee!","(DOOR OPENS)","MCGEE: Tony, I'm really not in the mood.","TONY: Let me in.","(DOOR CLOSES)","MCGEE: Okay, you're in. What do you want?","TONY: We're going out.","MCGEE: Where?","TONY: When the going gets tough, the tough go clubbing. We have got to get you dressed.","MCGEE: Tony, I really want to be alone tonight, okay?","TONY: No, you don't. Still working on the novel, I see, huh?","MCGEE: DiNozzo, I'm begging you. Do not rag on me tonight, okay?","TONY: Well, I wouldn't be DiNozzo if I didn't. The wardrobe.","(SFX: DOORS OPEN)","TONY: You got any party clothes, McGee?","MCGEE: Tony!","TONY: Baby, you are not going to be scoring in any of this stuff.","MCGEE: (SHOUTS) Hey, would you stop! I'm not going anywhere!","TONY: Hey listen, man, I'm sorry. I just wanted to...","MCGEE: I know. I know. I know you're just trying to help. Tony, I'm not like you guys. You were trained as a cop. Gibbs was a Marine sniper. Kate protected the President of the United States. God only knows what Ziva did for Mossad. My background is biomedical engineering and computer forensics. I don't think I'm cut out to be a field agent.","TONY: The first time I shot at someone.... I wet my pants.","MCGEE: Really?","TONY: Really. If you tell anyone that I will slap you silly. Ooh, do you have anything to eat? I know it's bad. I've been where you are. But a week from now this will all be behind you. Just a bad memory.","(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE OF SHOOTING)","(MUSIC OUT)","MUSIC IN:","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","GIBBS: What time did you get up, Ziva?","ZIVA: Zero four hundred. Background check on the cop McGee killed didn't come up with anything. He drank a little too much, had three ex-wives.","GIBBS: Yeah well, that does not make him a bad person.","ZIVA: His police service record is clean. Several accommodations for meritorious service and a Mayoral award. Nothing negative.","GIBBS: Metro's going to make it look like our Probie killed their hero.","ZIVA: They're going to interrogate McGee this afternoon. Request was approved by the Director.","GIBBS: And you know this how?","ZIVA: I'm a spy, remember?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY","(DOOR OPENS\/ CLOSES)","GIBBS: When were you going to tell me?","SHEPARD: I see we're picking up where we left off, Jethro.","GIBBS: If you're sending McGee to Metro, you're damn right, we are!","SHEPARD: Didn't know I had to ask your permission. Don't give me the stare. I'm not a junior agent.","GIBBS: No, you're a junior Director!","SHEPARD: That's enough, Special Agent Gibbs!","SUMNER: (OVER INTERCOM) Excuse me, Director. They're waiting for you in MTAC.","SHEPARD: (INTO INTERCOM) I'm on my way, Cynthia.","GIBBS: You have to learn how to say \"no\"!","SHEPARD: I did, Jethro. Or have you forgotten?","(DOOR OPENS\/ CLOSES)","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. LAB - DAY","(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)","ABBY: McGee, what are you doing here so early?","MCGEE: I had an epiphany. A different way of tracking the SUV.","ABBY: A-ha! So the aromatherapy worked. Cleared your mind so you could come up with new ideas.","MCGEE: I don't know about that.","ABBY: I do. Did you get any sleep last night?","MCGEE: Not much. DiNozzo kept me up 'till three.","ABBY: Our DiNozzo?","MCGEE: He came by my apartment to... cheer me up.","ABBY: Really?","MCGEE: Yeah, I know. DiNozzo being nice to me means I'm really in trouble.","ABBY: I think it's sweet. So what was your light bulb?","MCGEE: Well, are you familiar with the Ajzen\/Fishbein Theory of Reasoned Action?","ABBY: Of course.","MCGEE: If Lieutenant Benedict was having an argument with the man in the SUV, the theory hypothesizes there's a high probability they had prior contact.","ABBY: So you're matching SUV owners to people Benedict knew?","MCGEE: Exactly.","ABBY: Using what as a database?","MCGEE: I wrote this program to cross-check registered owners with telephone calls and e-mails sent or received by Benedict over the last three months.","ABBY: Timothy, that's brilliant.","MCGEE: I thought so... but I didn't get any hits. The problem is, I've only got his home and cell numbers. I was denied access to Benedict's extension at Metro.","ABBY: If you had the maintenance codes for the telephone servers at the police department, do you think that would help?","MCGEE: Yes.","ABBY: While you're getting me a CAFF-POW... I'll make a phone call.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Is there any way of finding out why she wants to talk to me? (FILTERED VOICE B.G.)","RECEPTIONIST: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Not without asking her. Are you a personal friend of hers?","TONY: (INTO PHONE) I was a donor.","RECEPTIONIST: (V.O.\/FILTERED) I'm sorry....","TONY: (INTO PHONE) I'm a donor!","RECEPTIONIST: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Oh, a donor. Right. What was your last name again?","TONY: (INTO PHONE) DiNozzo.","RECEPTIONIST: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Can you spell that for me, please?","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Big D, little I, big N, little ozzo.","RECEPTIONIST: (V.O.\/FILTERED) And your first name?","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Anthony.","RECEPTIONIST: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Would you hold a moment?","TONY: (TO ZIVA) Playing phone-tag with the sperm bank.","ZIVA: You haven't found out what it's about yet?","TONY: Well, they're probably running low on their favorite fossil fuel \"Essence of DiNozzo.\"","RECEPTIONIST: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Hello Sir?","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, I'm here.","RECEPTIONIST: (V.O.\/FILTERED) She's in a meeting at the moment.","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Uh-huh.","RECEPTIONIST: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Out of the office.","TONY: (INTO PHONE) When will she be back?","RECEPTIONIST: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Tomorrow.","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Thank you.","RECEPTIONIST: (V.O.\/FILTERED) You're welcome.","ZIVA: Problem?","TONY: The woman who's been trying to contact me isn't there. Her title is Director of Critical Issues. What do you think that means?","ZIVA: I don't know, but it sounds serious.","TONY: Yeah, it could be one of my offspring has a medical condition. Maybe they need an organ transplant.","ZIVA: (LAUGHS) You.... you who won't share a Krispy Kreme Donut. You are going to give up a kidney?","(ZIVA LAUGHS)","TONY: You wouldn't understand. You're not a parent.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LAB - DAY","(MUSIC OVER ACTION)","ABBY: Ha ha. That's so cute. I didn't know you were superstitious.","MCGEE: I'm not. We've got a hit.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","ZIVA: Edward Francis Halligan. Owns a black two thousand five Range Rover. License plate eight nine six seven Y-Z-E.","MCGEE: He received a call from Benedict's Metro office extension two weeks ago.","ABBY: You want to know how McGee figured it out?","GIBBS: Nope.","ZIVA: Halligan's an Irish National. He's been living here for the past three years. I'll run him by my Interpol contacts.","GIBBS: Find him, Tony, and bring him in here.","TONY: On it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. VAN - PARKED","GIBBS: (V.O.) So. Are you gonna bust them, Archer?","ARCHER: It'd blow my cover. Why don't you?","GIBBS: They don't look Navy. Who are you staking out?","ARCHER: It's a second tier pusher released from Elkton this morning. Right now he's in that hotel reacquainting himself with his old lady. Historically, the pusher's second stop is to look for employment. So I'm hoping he'll lead me to the local distributor.","GIBBS: I'm surprised you agreed to meet.","ARCHER: Just want to find out the truth. I'd appreciate it if Captain Karzin didn't find out we were talking.","GIBBS: He's not going to hear anything from me. Do you know this guy?","ARCHER: Never met him, but I'd love to get my hands on him. It's Ed Halligan. He's a rich Irishman rumored to be the money behind a local crack ring.","GIBBS: He drives a black SUV.","ARCHER: He collects expensive cars. He has dozens of them.","GIBBS: Why'd Benedict call him two weeks ago?","ARCHER: We set up a trap for Halligan but he never showed. Bennie suspected he was tipped. What are you getting at, Gibbs?","GIBBS: We think that Halligan was the guy your partner was talking to in the alley.","ARCHER: If he was, he had a legitimate reason.","GIBBS: Wouldn't he have told you?","ARCHER: Look, I'm.... I was the junior partner on the team. We hadn't been together that long so he didn't share everything with me. If you think that he was a dirty cop, forget it. Bennie was as straight up as they come.","GIBBS: You just said you hadn't been together very long.","ARCHER: How long does it take to know if your partner's dirty?","GIBBS: Is that your dirt bag?","ARCHER: Yeah, I gotta get to work.","GIBBS: Okay.","(CAR DOOR OPENS\/ CLOSES)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","ZIVA: Anxious?","MCGEE: Does it show?","ZIVA: May I give you some advice?","MCGEE: Please.","ZIVA: Be confident when Metro interrogates you. If you don't believe what you're saying, how can they?","MCGEE: Every time I think about it, it comes out a little different.","ZIVA: For God's sakes, don't tell that to Metro.","TONY: Where's the boss?","ZIVA: Where's Halligan?","TONY: Ah, not at home. I went to his house. It's really more like an estate. It's all marble and stone. Monolithic thing with Greco-Roman statues. Impressionist art. And flowers everywhere. In the front hall there were these two flowers like swans that were kissing.","MCGEE: What about the Range Rover?","TONY: Oh, that wasn't in the garage, but that thing was loaded. Lamborghini's, Ferraris, nineteen sixty five Aston Martin, the Goldfinger...","MCGEE: Tony!","TONY: Sorry. Sorry. Reminded me of when I was a kid in the Hamptons.","MCGEE: So you have no idea where he went?","TONY: Well, he told Shamus, that's his houseboy, he was going away for a few days. I'm telling you, if I had a master bedroom like that... mirrors on the ceiling...","ZIVA: My contact at Interpol said Halligan's been under investigation in Ireland, Britain, and France. Several indictments. All drug related, but none ever .... Ooh, (IN HEBREW) Le-aza-zel.","TONY: Whatever that is doesn't sound good.","ZIVA: Halligan's on the goat. Oh, no! Not goat. Sheep?","MCGEE: Lam?","ZIVA: That's it.","TONY: He's on the lam. There's no \"B\" in that, by the way.","ZIVA: Thank you. He bought a ticket at Dulles yesterday afternoon.","TONY: To Ireland?","ZIVA: Rabat, Moroc. Via Lisbon. No extradition.","MCGEE: Benedict was arresting him. I killed a cop arresting a drug lord.","(MCGEE WALKS O.S.)","ZIVA: His goose is cooked.","TONY: You would get that one right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY","KARZIN: Bennie didn't point a weapon at you, did he?","(INTERCUT FLASHBACK ALLEY SCENE)","MCGEE: No.","(MUSIC OUT)","MUSIC IN:","INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY","GIBBS: Is the Director in?","SUMNER: Expecting you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY","(DOOR OPENS)","SHEPARD: Close the door, please.","GIBBS: No, you don't want that door closed, Director.","SHEPARD: I don't?","GIBBS: No!","(DOOR CLOSES)","SHEPARD: Let her rip.","GIBBS: The U.S. Attorney's office is charging McGee with negligent homicide. Metro is booking him right now. Do you know why?","SHEPARD: Because he admitted to making a tragic mistake.","GIBBS: No, because you may know how to kiss ass, but you sure don't know how to protect it.","SHEPARD: And you think you're protecting that boy by ignoring the facts?","GIBBS: He's not a boy! He's a NCIS Special Agent. He's one of my people. I don't leave my people behind. It's a Marine thing.","SHEPARD: What are you going to do?","GIBBS: I'm going to go to Metro and get him.","SHEPARD: No.","GIBBS: No?","SHEPARD: Your eyesight's weak, not your hearing.","(DOOR OPENS)","SHEPARD: You're not going to Metro because McGee's on his way here. I convinced Captain Karzin that he wasn't a flight risk and to release him into our custody until his arraignment hearing.","(DOOR CLOSES)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","ZIVA: You should have gone with him.","TONY: Why me? He's your bud.","ZIVA: Bud?","TONY: Bud. Buddy. Friend.","ZIVA: You're not McGee's friend?","TONY: Of course I'm his friend.","ZIVA: English is a very confusing language. If you're his.... oh.... (IN HEBREW) Le-aza-zel!","TONY: There's that word, again.","ZIVA: Huh! Interpol missed Halligan in Portugal. He cleared Moroc Customs an hour ago.","(MCGEE WALKS INTO THE SQUAD ROOM)","GIBBS: I let you down.","MCGEE: Boss, I think it's the other way around.","GIBBS: I should have gone with you to Metro.","MCGEE: I don't think it would have made a difference. I panicked. I thought he had a weapon in his hand. I need to face it. I shot a good cop making an arrest.","GIBBS: What cop makes a drug bust without a weapon?","ABBY: None! Rule Number Eight is going to save you, McGee!","TONY: Never date a co-worker?","ZIVA: Never go anywhere without your knife.","TONY: I thought that was nine.","GIBBS: Never take anything for granted.","ABBY: Correcto, Jefe. But then again, you did make up the rules so...","GIBBS: Get to the point, Abs.","ABBY: I didn't do forensics on the jacket because we knew what happened. Then I remembered Rule Numero Ocho.","GIBBS: Gunshot residue.","ABBY: Based on the density and the pattern of the stippling and the sooting, one of the slugs in Lieutenant Benedict was fired from only one foot away.","MCGEE: One of my shots missed?","TONY: I knew you weren't that good, Probie. Three for three at twenty five meters? I don't think so.","GIBBS: Halligan shot him from behind the wheel.","TONY: Wrong, Boss!","GIBBS: Slap him, Ziva.","(SFX: SLAP)","TONY: If Halligan was behind the wheel then he was five or six feet away. I pulled the registration from the Range Rover. It was brought into DMV for an inspection because it was imported from Ireland. Right hand drive. British like Ducky's Morgan. Steering wheel's on the right hand side.","MCGEE: The person I saw arguing with Benedict was a passenger.","GIBBS: There was a third man.","TONY: That's a great movie. Joseph Cotton. Orson Welles.","GIBBS: We're looking in the wrong direction. If McGee's third round didn't hit the SUV, then it's somewhere at the other end of that alley. Go! Abby, thank you.","MCGEE: Boss, he still didn't fire at me.","GIBBS: You saw a flash, McGee. You heard a gunshot. You had no way of knowing if Benedict was firing at you or not. If I was in your position, McGee, I'd have fired. Go on! Run Halligan's phone records. See if you can't figure out who he was meeting with.","MCGEE: Right.","GIBBS: Could be your two rounds weren't the fatal one.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. STREET - DAY","TONY: If you ever Gibbs-slap me again, David, and I will slap you back harder!","ZIVA: I was following orders.","TONY: The dutiful Mossad agent. You miss the spy game? It must have been exciting.","ZIVA: You've seen too many James Bond movies. It's not all about car chases and s*x.","TONY: It wasn't?","ZIVA: Well, there was a lot of s*x.","(SFX: TELEPHONE BEEP TONES)","TONY: Ha! Ooh. Six one four. Ohio. Sperm bank. (INTO PHONE) Yeah, this is Agent DiNozzo. Yeah. Yeah, I know. There's got to be some kind of mistake because.... yeah, that's me. But, I mean... No. Thank you.(SFX: FILTERED VOICE B.G.)","ZIVA: Do you want to discuss it?","TONY: Ah, it's nothing.","ZIVA: For two days you've obsessed on that letter, driving me crazy! Now all of a sudden it's nothing?","TONY: Drop it.","ZIVA: I understand. I'd be embarrassed, too. (BEAT) I shouldn't have done it, but your phone kept on ringing this morning and I knew this call was important. So I answered it!","TONY: You talked... you talked?","ZIVA: To the woman at the sperm bank, the Director of Critical Issues. Yes! I'm sorry, Tony.","TONY: Ha! She had no right to tell you that no one wants my sperm!","ZIVA: Ah, yes! (LAUGHS)","TONY: You didn't talk to her.","ZIVA: So no little DiNozzos anywhere. It's hard to believe that a stud like you would not be chosen. Were any of the prospective women shown a photo of you? Cause...","TONY: You're enjoying this a lot, aren't you?","ZIVA: Oh, yes. Are they going to return your sperm?","TONY: Let's focus on finding the bullet.","ZIVA: Don't have to.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LAB - DAY","ABBY: The striations in the bullets are exact. It was definitely fired from McGee's Sig.","GIBBS: Where did you two find the bullet?","TONY: Miss Abby Sciuto.","ZIVA: Right here, Boss. Behind the body embedded in the door frame.","TONY: McGee was wide to the left.","GIBBS: Where the hell is Benedict's weapon? Yeah?","ABBY: I have a theory.","GIBBS: Okay.","ABBY: McGee identified himself. The man in the car fires point blank at Benedict. Now like you said, it was too close and it was dark. So McGee couldn't distinguish where the flash came from and McGee fires back. One missed. And when Benedict fell, he dropped his weapon through the open window of the Range Rover. What do you think?","MCGEE: What's going on?","TONY: We're saving your butt, McGee.","GIBBS: Hey, come on. What do you got?","MCGEE: A dump of Halligan's phone records. The morning of the shooting, he placed several calls to Sergeant Archer's home and cell phones.","ZIVA: You mean Benedict's?","MCGEE: No, Archer's. His partner.","GIBBS: The call from Metro two weeks ago came from Archer, not Benedict.","TONY: Partners share extensions at the precinct.","GIBBS: I showed Archer a picture of Halligan yesterday. He acted like they'd never met.","MCGEE: Well, one of the phone calls lasted eighteen minutes.","GIBBS: Come on, McGee. You're with me. McGee, come here. Use my back up.","MCGEE: Archer's got to know that Halligan's in Morocco. He's never going to talk.","GIBBS: Is Halligan in Morocco?","MCGEE: Ziva said he passed through customs.","GIBBS: Well, maybe Archer doesn't know that. Pull an old warrant.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. HOUSE - DAY","(SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP)","(CAR DOORS OPEN\/ CLOSE)","ARCHER: What's up?","GIBBS: Got a few questions.","ARCHER: He's supposed to be in custody.","GIBBS: He's in my custody. You never told me you spoke with Halligan.","ARCHER: Never did.","MCGEE: Phone records show you exchanged several calls.","ARCHER: Look, I don't care what your phone records say. I never talked to Halligan. You can ask him.","MCGEE: One of the calls was two weeks ago, about the time you claim you set the trap for Halligan.","ARCHER: You know what? I don't need this from the guy who killed my partner.","GIBBS: McGee shot him after someone inside the car fired first. Your partner suspected you were working with Halligan. He followed you to a meet in the alley.","ARCHER: You guys aren't laying this off on me.","GIBBS: We pulled a nine millimeter slug out of Benedict's chest. I want to run that against your service weapon. We're gonna search the premises.","ARCHER: I'm not talking to Navy wannabee cops.","GIBBS: Interpol picked Halligan up in Lisbon. He never made it to Morocco. We'll get him back here and he'll talk. Halligan's not going to take the fall for you.","(MUSIC OVER ACTION)","(SFX: GUNFIRE)","GIBBS: Don't ever hesitate because you second-guessed yourself again. I'll take your badge. Are we clear?","MCGEE: Clear.","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. LAB - NIGHT","(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN\/ CLOSED)","ABBY: I thought you would be out celebrating.","MCGEE: No.","ABBY: Did you come down for a hug?","MCGEE: What'd you find out?","ABBY: I ran every test I could think of. The slugs are too damaged. There's no way to tell who fired the kill shot. Does it really matter?","MCGEE: Yeah. It matters.","(MUSIC OUT)","(FADE OUT)"],"Show Title":"NCIS","Episode Number":"03x10","Episode Title":"Probie","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"NCIS_03x16.json","Recap":["An ambulance carrying the body of a young Marine who died suddenly explodes without warning, destroying the body and also rendering it unrecognizable. But things take a strange turn when Ducky later discovers that the DNA lifted from the body does not match that of the dead Marine."],"Transcript":["EXT. HOSPITAL LOADING AREA - DAY","BIELSMAN: When you say you're sure, how sure are you?","PATTERSON: Sure enough, that if you don't ask her out by tomorrow, I'm gonna start spiking your coffee with testosterone, man.","BIELSMAN: Yeah, but what if you're wrong?","PATTERSON: J.B., trust me. The girl's into you.","BIELSMAN: Be careful!","PATTERSON: Oh, relax. This guy's a Marine. Or at least he was before he deployed himself through his windshield.","BIELSMAN: So what do I say to her?","PATTERSON: I don't know. What do I look like, the Cyrano what's-his-face guy? Go with your gut. You got the release?","BIELSMAN: Didn't you get it?","PATTERSON: You know, on second thought, maybe you better not go with your gut.","(SFX: VAN DOORS CLOSE)","(SFX: VAN ENGINE ATTEMPTS TO TURN OVER)","BIELSMAN: So where should I take her?","PATTERSON: I'm going to start charging for advice, you know. Oh, there she is. Do you smell that?","(SFX: VAN ENGINE STARTS)","BIELSMAN: Gas.","(SFX: VAN STOPS)","BIELSMAN: Oh, no. (SHOUTS) Get out! Get out! Get out! Go! Go! Go! Go!","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/EMTS RUN FROM THE VAN)","(SFX: HUGE EXPLOSION)","(MUSIC OUT)","(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE\/SCENES \/ CREDITS AND OUT)","MUSIC IN:","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","(SFX: COMPUTER DING TONES\/ KEYBOARDING)","ZIVA: What are you doing?","TONY: I'm in the middle of a very serious negotiation.","ZIVA: On McGee's computer?","TONY: I know where you're going with this and the answer's yes.","ZIVA: Then what's the question?","TONY: Have I no shame?","ZIVA: Who are you IMing? Agent Larsen? And she thinks you're McGee? (CHUCKLES) And this is because she warned you that if you spoke to her again, she would have you brought up on sexual harassment charges?","TONY: That was a misunderstanding.","ZIVA: Oh, so now you're correcting the record.","TONY: I'm just trying to let her know that I... McGee feels that she may have misjudged me. And, that as a close, personal friend, I can--","ZIVA: Vouch for Tony's strength of character.(SFX: ZIVA LAUGHS)","TONY: I don't have much time. She's being reassigned in two days.","ZIVA: Yeah, well you'll be reassigned if Gibbs catches you.","GIBBS: Doing what?","ZIVA: We were looking at McGee's bookmarks, trying to get an idea for a...","TONY: Birthday present?","MCGEE: Morning.","TONY: Happy birthday, Probie. Have a bagel.","MCGEE: It's not my birthday.","GIBBS: Grab your gear. Medical transport just exploded.","(SFX: KISS)","TONY: Any day now, Probie!","MCGEE: Yep. Sorry. I just got the strangest IM.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY","TONY: (V.O.) She asked you out? You?!","MCGEE: Trust me. I'm just as surprised as you are.","TONY: Trust me. You're not.","ZIVA: Blast radius indicates a low-yield detonation.","TONY: Did she say why?","MCGEE: Ah, it said that she liked the loyalty I showed my coworkers.","ZIVA: Pyrolysis on the pavement suggests an oh-two was the primary accelerant.","MCGEE: Even if they were total scum. I have no idea what she was referring to. I'll tell you, though. I did not realize she was paying so much attention to me.","TONY: Do you want to tell the Probie or should I?","ZIVA: How about neither? Why don't you just focus on the work?","TONY: Yeah. I noticed you've morphed into quite the forensic expert.","ZIVA: I'm Israeli. This isn't my first exploding ambulance.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY","PATTERSON: We left the van unattended four, maybe five minutes, tops.","BIELSMAN: As soon as Patto hit the brakes...","PATTERSON: The whole thing exploded into flames.","BIELSMAN: I think someone's trying to kill us.","PATTERSON: Would you please stop that, JB? It was... it was an accident.","GIBBS: Who's trying to kill you?","BIELSMAN: Who knows? There's a lot of weirdos out there.","GIBBS: Tell me about it. Talk to me, Duck.","DUCKY: Lance Corporal William Danforth, Junior. Survived IEDs in Iraq, RPGs in Afghanistan. Unfortunately, the local odocoileus virginianus was too much to bear.","JIMMY: That's a white-tailed deer...","GIBBS: Yeah. I know. Are you saying Bambi killed this Marine, Ducky?","DUCKY: No. But swerving at sixty miles an hour into a tree to avoid Bambi did.","JIMMY: His girlfriend is still in a coma at the hospital.","DUCKY: Danforth was D.O.A. when they brought him in last night. This morning he was on his way to Bethesda for a routine autopsy when fate intervened.","GIBBS: Fate?","DUCKY: No, the scorching of the body is consistent with a gasoline fire accelerated by onboard oxygen. This could have been an accident, Jethro. Lucky for those two to get out.","GIBBS: Yeah. Lucky in a way I don't like.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","TONY: (SINGING) Good morning. Good morning! Good morning. Good... good morning, to you! You! You! You! Good - ooh. What's that?","(SFX: BEEP TONE)","ZIVA: Looks like an iPod.","TONY: iPod photo.","ZIVA: Anyone who might have possibly had a motive to try to kill them...","TONY: Either has an alibi or is out of town. Way ahead of you.","ZIVA: You could have told me and saved me the trouble.","TONY: Just say you need the practice and leave it at that. What kind of music does the McGee listen to? Ooh, Barry Manilow. Julie Andrews? Zamfir? Let's go to photos.","ZIVA: What are you doing?","TONY: Well, McGee had a date with Agent Larsen last night. He didn't return any of my emails about a sit-rep. But maybe he took some photos.","ZIVA: Those are his private photos.","TONY: Well, he left them on his public desk. Oh! Where's the clicker? Ah, who is this?","ZIVA: Well, it's definitely not Agent Larsen.","TONY: It's gotta be his sister.","ZIVA: Why?","TONY: Are you kidding? This girl's way out of McGeek's league.","ZIVA: I don't think the drivers were the target, Tony. Um... I actually think it was the body.","TONY: Why blow up a dead guy?","GIBBS: Put it back up there.","TONY: Put what back?(SFX: GIBBS HITS TONY)","GIBBS: McGee's got good taste. Going for coffee.(SFX: GIBBS HITS ZIVA)","ZIVA: Ow! What was that for?","GIBBS: Alerting DiNozzo.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. NCIS GARAGE - DAY","ABBY: The fuel line to the gas tank cap was ruptured here. Torn by a loose belt on the differential housing.","GIBBS: Loosened how?","ABBY: Unknown. The van also had a short in the electrical system. Coincidentally in the taillight right by our ruptured fuel line.","GIBBS: You know how I feel about coincidences, Abs.","ABBY: Equatorial pygmies know how you feel about coincidences, Gibbs. So one would wonder... accident or not an accident? That is the question. Our first player... an innocent differential housing bolt that is rubbing and straining on the molecular bonds of our vulcanized fuel line. Until, after eons, our hapless hose finally ruptures. The gas moves quickly into the floorboard of the van when it's in motion. The driver smells it... what could it be? He hits the brakes, and the short in the taillight ignites the pooling gas vapors! The flames quickly super-heat the onboard oh-two and when the canisters can no longer contain the growing pressure... KABOOM!`","GIBBS: Not an accident.","ABBY: Not unless that Angel of Death is going through a Rube Goldberg stage.","MCGEE: Boss, we found remnants of what may have been the trigger on an oh-two canister.","GIBBS: May have been, McGee?","ABBY: There were traces of mercury fulminate, sodium azide and tetryl on the material.","GIBBS: Blasting cap.","MCGEE: The oh-two would never have blown on its own. The fire wasn't hot enough.","ABBY: The perp rigged the transport to make it look like an accident.","MCGEE: And he might've gotten away with it if he'd detonated it sooner. The fire dispersed pieces of the trigger.","GIBBS: He waited for the drivers to get out.","MCGEE: So he's not a murderer. At least, he wasn't trying to kill the ambulance drivers.","GIBBS: Trace it.","ABBY: Gibbs, this is a garden-variety laminated paper substrate! It's used as a cheap shielding in thousands of electronic devices!","GIBBS: Yeah, so?","ABBY: So maybe I should get back to work?","GIBBS: Did we get a positive match on our Marine's DNA?","ABBY: You know, I've been a little busy here, Gibbs, with all the rubbing and the looking and the analyzing and the.... I should mention that Ducky is taking care of it.","(SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE)","DUCKY: (V.O.) I haven't seen a body this...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY","DUCKY: ....badly burned since the Bertram Mill's Circus. Specimen jar. Mister Palmer?","JIMMY: Sorry, Doctor. I'm just having a problem with this smell today.","DUCKY: Really? I think he smells like my mother's fried chicken.","JIMMY: That would be the problem.","DUCKY: Oh, I see. Well, the vegetarian lifestyle has been medically proven to be the healthiest of choices. Perhaps it's time you made the jump.","(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)","GIBBS: You wanted to see me, Duck?","DUCKY: Well, actually, yes, Jethro.","GIBBS: Then why do you look surprised to see me?","DUCKY: Because I haven't told you that, that I wanted to see you. Yes. Well, our... our latest houseguest has thrown us quite a little mystery.","GIBBS: Define mystery.","DUCKY: Yeah, well, the young lad's death certificate lists blunt force thoracic trauma as the cause of death - typical in motor vehicle accidents. But I've only partially been able to verify that. Since, as you can see, the post mortem damage is extensive.","GIBBS: Ducky?","DUCKY: Yes?","GIBBS: Mystery?","DUCKY: Of course. Well, you know me, Jethro. I attempted to make an identification myself. The blast destroyed his jaw and shattered his teeth. It would take an inordinate amount of time to get an identification from dental records. Also, the fire so degraded his DNA that, you know, I spent the better part of yesterday scouring his body.","GIBBS: Mystery.","DUCKY: Ah... almost there. By a stroke of luck, I found a piece of tissue viable enough to send to have run against Danforth's DNA, at the Armed Forces Repository.","GIBBS: This isn't William Danforth, Junior.","DUCKY: Uh-uh.","GIBBS: Then who is this?","DUCKY: That, my dear Jethro, is the mystery.","(MUSIC UP AND OUT)","MUSIC IN:","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","ZIVA: Lance Corporal Danforth's pro and cons were five oh five oh. A real squirreled-away Marine. So what'd you find, Tony? (SHOUTS) Tony!","TONY: Huh? Zamfir. It's the Master of the Pan Flute. It's helping me think.","ZIVA: What are you thinking?","TONY: I'm thinking that there are a lot of reasons for post-mortem mutilation you're over-looking, besides hiding a suspicious cause of death.","ZIVA: Such as?","TONY: Such as enraged acts of violence, sadistic curiosity.","GIBBS: Trying to hide the real identity of the victim.","TONY: That was the next one on my list.","ZIVA: Is his identity in question?","GIBBS: Yeah, it is now. Tony, get me a copy of that--","TONY: The names of the cops who processed Danforth's crime scene report. Already on its way, Boss.","GIBBS: Ziva, take me through--","ZIVA: Have a chat with the doctor who pronounced the body dead. Find out who made the I.D.","TONY:","TONY: Hey, you want me to go and supervise that, Boss? Actually, no, I'll stay here just in case you need me. (CONT.) Ooh! Zamfir. I'm not saying you need me. That's a bad word. Need's the wrong word. Oh! Uh, the Director needs to see you in her office ASAP. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY","(DOOR OPENS)","(SFX: TELEPHONE BEEP TONES)","CYNTHIA: I was just going to tell the Director you're here.","GIBBS: Cynthia. Did you know that when a Roman emperor made a triumphal march into Rome, he had a slave on his chariot who...","CYNTHIA: Who whispered, \"You're only human\" into his ear?","GIBBS: Going in unannounced is whispering into her ear.","CYNTHIA: So you're the Director's slave? (DOOR OPENS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY","SHEPARD: Cynthia is there to direct traffic, Agent Gibbs.","GIBBS: I'm just responding to your ASAP, Director.","SHEPARD: This is Lance Corporal Danforth's father, William.","GIBBS: My sympathies, Mister Danforth.","DANFORTH: Thank you, Agent Gibbs.","SHEPARD: The SECNAV would like us to keep Mister Danforth in the loop throughout the entire investigation.","GIBBS: More than usual?","SHEPARD: Yes.","DANFORTH: Gordo and I served together in Beirut, Agent Gibbs. And quite frankly, I'm using that friendship. Wouldn't you?","SHEPARD: He would.","GIBBS: Sixth or eighth?","DANFORTH: Two six. Fox Company.","GIBBS: One one. Scout Sniper Platoon.","DANFORTH: Beirut?","GIBBS: Desert Storm.","DANFORTH: So what can you tell me about my son, Agent Gibbs?","GIBBS: Jethro.(DOOR CLOSES)","DANFORTH: Bill.","GIBBS: Only what I read in the hospital and police reports.","SHEPARD: Mister Danforth has seen those. He's asking how his son's body was incinerated.","GIBBS: It wasn't. AFIS couldn't match the body in autopsy with Lance Corporal Danforth's DNA.","SHEPARD: You're saying that it isn't Mister Danforth's son?","GIBBS: Not according to AFIS.","DANFORTH: Could there be a mistake?","GIBBS: One in nine million.","SHEPARD: Have Abby rerun the DNA.","GIBBS: Already on it, Director.","SHEPARD: Well, if it's not Lance Corporal Danforth, who the hell is it?","GIBBS: I'll let you know when I find out.","DANFORTH: What should I tell his mother?","GIBBS: I wouldn't tell her anything yet.","DANFORTH: Right. My numbers. Director Shepard, I'll tell Gordo how cooperative you've been.","SHEPARD: The least we could do.","GIBBS: Hey Bill. Did you identify your son's body?","DANFORTH: No. The police notified us that he had died. Said his body was being shipped to Bethesda. Do you think Billy... could still be alive?","GIBBS: I think the hospital transported the wrong body.","(DOOR OPENS)","(DANFORTH WALKS O.S.)","(DOOR CLOSES)","SHEPARD: Bull.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY","DOBSON: The Marine from two nights ago, Danforth? Yeah, I remember him.","MCGEE: Are you the one who treated him?","DOBSON: Treated? No. Unfortunately all I did was pronounce him dead, Agent McGee. It's hard to believe it's the same kid.","ZIVA: Why is that?","DOBSON: He was a mess. Heavy contusions to the cranium. Pronounced facial lacerations. Half his skull caved in.","ZIVA: Who ID'd his body?","DOBSON: A buddy gave us the tentative I.D. and we also pulled his license from his wallet.","MCGEE: Does his buddy have a name?","DOBSON: I can do better than that. He's in I.C.U. room five.","ZIVA: The police report didn't mention anything about a third injured party, Doctor.","DOBSON: That's because he wasn't injured, Officer David. He's visiting.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. I.C.U. ROOM - DAY","MERRILL: (READS) \"Our souls are like those orphans whose unwedded mothers die in bearing them; the secret of our pa... pat...\"","ZIVA: Paternity lies in their graves and we must there to learn it.","MCGEE: Herman Melville, Moby Dick.","ZIVA: Call me \"Ishmael.\"","MERRILL: It's her favorite book. The doctors said it might help. It's helping give me a headache. You're Rebecca's relatives?","MCGEE: Ah, no. NCIS.","MERRILL: Corporal Merrill, Sir!","MCGEE: At ease, Marine.","ZIVA: We're only here to ask you a few questions.","MERRILL: Oh, of course, Sir. I mean, Ma'am.","(ZIVA WALKS O.S.)","MCGEE: She doesn't like being called Ma'am. It's okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CORRIDOR - DAY","MERRILL: Is this about Billy, Ma - Miss?","ZIVA: If you mean Lance Corporal Danforth, yes.","MCGEE: We understand that you I.D.ed his body.","MERRILL: Tried to. Billy's face was all mashed up.","ZIVA: How did you know it was him?","MERRILL: Who else could it be? He was in his car with Rebecca. At least he was last time I saw him.","ZIVA: Which was?","MERRILL: The night he was killed.","MCGEE: Feel free to elaborate.","MERRILL: Huh?","ZIVA: Tell us about that night.","MERRILL: Uh... Billy had just landed stateside after his second tour in Iraq. So me, him and Rebecca, Billy's girlfriend, we were out celebrating at the Gold Monkey.","MCGEE: Celebrating meaning drinking?","MERRILL: Not me, Sir. Billy was. Even though he shouldn't because.... he just shouldn't. I made Rebecca drive him home 'cause he looked pretty bad, like he was going to puke or something.","MCGEE: You're a good friend.","MERRILL: Me and Billy have been buds since he was this big. He was the only one who never made fun of my stutter.","ZIVA: You saw Lance Corporal Danforth get into the car?","MERRILL: I put him in it. Like I said, he was p-pretty drunk. I went back inside the bar for maybe half an hour. When I left, I ... I p-passed the accident on my way home. The cops were already there. Said Billy's car hit a t-t...","MCGEE: It's okay, Corporal. We read the police report.","MERRILL: He was just lying there all ... broken and b...bent up. They were trying to s-save him, but I just knew. I knew he was... the doctor said he probably didn't feel anything. Do you think he was telling the truth? Or was he just trying to make me feel better? Doctors do that... don't they?","MCGEE: Well, in my experiences, E.R. doctors, they usually tell it like it is.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. BASKETBALL COURT - DAY","(SFX: LOUD MUSIC B.G.)","(F\/X BASKETBALL GAME B.G.)","TONY: Definitely moving. Definitely moving. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Who's your daddy now?","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/TONY FALLS TO THE GROUND)","GIBBS: Are you having fun, DiNozzo?","TONY: All done interviewing Danforth's C.O.","GIBBS: Are you done interviewing his platoon?","TONY: Nothing builds rapport like a good game of ball. Thanks, guys!","(PASSAGE OF TIME)","TONY: The guys said Danforth was a top Marine. But the word is, he only joined 'cause his father was a Marine. Ah! Ah! Oooh.... a little looser, please. My toes have gotten used to the whole blood thing. Circulation.","GIBBS: DiNozzo....","TONY: The word also is that he was inseparable with another Marine ... a Corporal ...","GIBBS: Kenneth Merrill.","TONY: Yeah.","GIBBS: Followed Danforth into the Corps on the buddy program.","CORPSMAN: Of course he did. That guy is as loyal as a Saint Bernard.","TONY: Would you just focus, please? And I'm starting to lose feeling in my pinky toe. Does that look right? (TO GIBBS) Apparently he was as loyal as a Saint Bernard.","GIBBS: According to the C.O., the Corps worked out pretty well for him.","TONY: Oh, yeah. He got into boxing, got his first girlfriend, and get this... it turns out he had a knack for disarming IEDs. His platoon called him the -","CORPSMAN: The Forrest Gump of explosives.","TONY: I'm not trying to do your job, am I?","CORPSMAN: Put an ice pack on that. Fifteen on, fifteen off.","TONY: Yeah, I know the drill. Thanks, Corpsman.","(CORPSMAN WALKS O.S.)","TONY: Oh, that's real swollen. I don't think I'm going to be able to walk on this thing, Boss. Ah! Look at that. Look, it's a miracle.","GIBBS: Yeah, loyal as a Saint Bernard.","TONY: I always wanted to get one of those until I found out they didn't come with that barrel of whiskey around their neck. You're wondering if Merrill helped his buddy fake his own death to get out of the Corps?","GIBBS: No. I'm wondering who they got to play the part of the dead body.","(CUT TO BLACK)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","ZIVA: (V.O.) You really think Lance Corporal Danforth faked his own death?","TONY: You got a better theory?","MCGEE: Actually, we do, Tony.","SHEPARD: I'd like to hear it, Agent McGee. And yours as well, Agent DiNozzo. (LONG BEAT) Both preferably sometime today.","ZIVA: We think Corporal Merrill may have killed Danforth, Director.","SHEPARD: Why?","ZIVA: Merrill conveniently forgot to tell us about the fight they had the night Danforth was killed.","SHEPARD: A fight over what?","TONY: Gibbs is not gonna like this.","SHEPARD: Is there a problem, Agent McGee?","MCGEE: Uh, no. No, Ma'am. Merrill claims that he was trying to stop him from drinking and driving. According to the bartender, they broke two tables and a chair over it.","SHEPARD: Sounds like more than two good friends fighting to me.","ZIVA: I agree. Merrill also passed Danforth's accident on the way home. He could easily have finished him off.","MCGEE: Merrill goes to hide the body. When he comes back to clean up, cops are already on the scene.","SHEPARD: What about the other body?","ZIVA: There was a third party in the car. We only have Corporal Merrill's word that the two of them drove off.","TONY: (QUIETLY) No way! Wrong!","MCGEE: Merrill shows up at the hospital, confirms the false I.D.","SHEPARD: Then later goes back, torches the ambulance before the real I.D. can be made.","TONY: Okay, I'm sorry. I've got... I've got to interrupt because ...here's the thing. I have a theory that actually has motive, which might be helpful. I don't mean to belittle my colleagues' efforts. I seem to feel Lance Corporal Danforth didn't hit a deer. He hit Ducky's John Doe. Stick with me here. He's drunk, right? Wasted. Looking five to ten for manslaughter. So he switches the John Doe with his body, then skips town. Right? And then he has his buddy Corporal Merrill come along and torch the evidence. That's how it happened. Pretty simple. It's really just detective work connecting the dots - hey, Boss. The Director wanted - she wanted....","GIBBS: With me.","TONY: Okay.(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/ALL WALK UP STAIRS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/GIBBS WALKS INTO THE OFFICE AND SITS AT THE DESK)","SHEPARD: Dramatic, but duly noted, Agent Gibbs. I get it.(DOOR OPENS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. STAIRCASE - DAY","(DOOR OPENS)","TONY: That wasn't the way it looked, boss.","GIBBS: I know.","TONY: The Director kind of suckered me into that deal.","GIBBS: Ziva caved first.","ZIVA: I didn't cave in! I was trying...","GIBBS: McGee next.","MCGEE: Boss, it wasn't what it looked--","GIBBS: And my loyal Saint Bernard held out 'till last.","TONY: Well, I think...","GIBBS: Probably all of thirty seconds. So what is my team, can I call you my team?","ZIVA: Yes!","MCGEE: Yes, Boss!","GIBBS: What are you going to do now?","ZIVA: Well, I think we should --","MCGEE: We could uh...","GIBBS: Solve the case! Tony, you impound Danforth's car. Have Abby see if it hit anything besides the tree. Then you and McGee go to the original crash site. McGee, I want an agent standing by Rebecca Crawford's room to get a...","MCGEE: A statement the second she wakes up, Boss. You got it.","ZIVA: And I'm with you, yes?","GIBBS: I don't know, Ziva. Are you?","ZIVA: Definitely.","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. TRAINING CLASSROOM - DAY","MERRILL: The improvised explosive device, gentlemen. The weapon of choice in Iraq and Afghanistan. The problem is spotting them when they look something like this. Now these are just a few of the I.E.D. configurations I encountered on my last pump in Iraq. Today I'm going to teach you how to locate, disarm, or if need be, blow them all in place. Corporal, you got it. Take over. They're yours.","CORPORAL: (V.O.) You got it, Corporal Merrill. Give me a holler.","MERRILL: Can I help you, Sir?","ZIVA: Did you know that lying to a Federal investigator is a crime?","MERRILL: I didn't lie.","GIBBS: What was the fight in the Gold Monkey about?","MERRILL: Billy was drunk, Sir. I tried to take his car keys away and he started swinging. I guess I didn't try... hard enough.","ZIVA: You told me you placed him inside the car.","MERRILL: I did. Billy must have made B-Becca pull over. I should have... have...","GIBBS: You should have taken him home yourself?","MERRILL: Yeah. Billy's dead because of... m-me.","ZIVA: Are you sure he's dead?","GIBBS: The burned body isn't Lance Corporal Danforth.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. ACCIDENT SITE - DAY","MCGEE: Enough, already! You know I'm not the type to kiss and tell.","TONY: Kiss? I heard from a reliable source that you were out with Agent Larsen last night until about two a.m.","MCGEE: Who told you that?","TONY: I have information you want. You have information I want. Shall we dance?","MCGEE: Forget it.","TONY: Real men always kiss and tell.","MCGEE: Okay, so what are we looking for that the cops didn't already find?","TONY: They thought it was an accident. But they were not using the honed eye of a highly trained Federal agent. Probie, bring one of those numbers.","MCGEE: Prescription bottle of ibuprofen.","TONY: Grunt candy, a Marine's best friend. Must've been thrown from Danforth's car.","MCGEE: So?","TONY: So it belonged to Corporal Merrill. And there's blood on it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","TONY: Come on. Say it.","ZIVA: Say what?","TONY: \"You were right, Tony.\" You'll be the bigger woman for it. I'll just have to content myself being the.... well, the righter one.","ZIVA: Woman?","TONY: You know what I mean. I found Merrill's scrip at the scene which means they were in it together. And the DiNozzo Body Swap Theory takes the lead!","ZIVA: What if he dropped it while killing Danforth?","GIBBS: Abby found Danforth's blood all over the windshield and hood.","ZIVA: So much for your body swap theory, Tony.","TONY: I've seen more than a few people survive the windshield taste test, Ziva!","ZIVA: Give it up, Tony. You said Merrill was the Forrest Gump of explosives. Who else had the equipment and expertise to blow up the ambulance?","GIBBS: Ziva's right. Bring him in.","TONY: You're feeling pretty smug, aren't you?","ZIVA: Oh, yes. Very.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. ELEVATOR - DAY","SHEPARD: So what's bugging that famous gut now? Yes, you're that easy to read. I learned how to speak Gibbs a long time ago.(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS\/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED)","GIBBS: Are you going to Abby's lab or autopsy?","SHEPARD: Abby's.","GIBBS: Not to work my case?","SHEPARD: I have the right to dig into any NCIS investigation that I want to.","GIBBS: Not mine. Unless you want me behind your desk again. Of course, you could just observe and keep quiet.","(SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN)","SHEPARD: Fine.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LAB - DAY","ABBY: As you know, this is the only piece of the trigger I found.","SHEPARD: (LONG BEAT) I'm not really here.","ABBY: Do you know how long I've been waiting to cross over into an alternate dimension?!","GIBBS: Well, you're still here, Abs. For now. What is this?","MCGEE: That's laminated paper substrate, Boss. Found in any number of electronic devices.","ABBY: Unfortunately, I couldn't find a trace of a single one. But then, I was surfing around on my favorite origami web-ring, and it hit me. Origami! The ancient art of paper-folding! Maybe the laminate substrate was the trigger.","GIBBS: Are you telling me Merrill folded himself a bomb?","ABBY: No, that's impossible. It came pre-folded.","MCGEE: You see, several companies have been exploring the use of paper circuit boards for disposable products.","ABBY: Metallic ink is printed on laminated paper and then folded into the desired shape. I coated our burnt substrate with a metallic iron particulate.","MCGEE: Which would attach to any residual metallic ink still present.","ABBY: And then I ran the whole thing through an X-ray to pick up on any latent patterns. Voila. You're looking at a partial circuit board for a disposable cell phone.","SHEPARD: Any chance we could read the ...","GIBBS: Any chance we could read the...","SHEPARD: .... call log.","GIBBS: Call logs?","ABBY: I have a better chance of getting McGee to wear a Speedo to church.","MCGEE: But I was able to pull a list of all the incoming calls to the hospital's cell zone. Only three came in immediately prior to the explosion. One of them was the triggering call. Corporal Kenneth Merrill.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. HOSPITAL - DAY","GIBBS: I appreciate you meeting me, Bill.","DANFORTH: Sure. How's she doing?","GIBBS: She's stable. Still in a coma.","DANFORTH: Are you waiting to question her?","GIBBS: Listen, the fire wasn't an accident. How well do you know Corporal Kenneth Merrill?","DANFORTH: Kenny? He's like a son to me. It wasn't an accident?","GIBBS: No. The van was rigged to explode.","DANFORTH: Because Kenny defused IEDs in Iraq, you think he has something to do with this? Nah, impossible.","GIBBS: His mother told me that Rebecca used to be Kenny's girlfriend.","DANFORTH: Oh, when they were children. They've been best friends since elementary school.","GIBBS: The night of your son's accident, he was also in a fight.","DANFORTH: My son liked to drink. Sometimes in excess. Kenny was just trying to stop him from driving home drunk. Kenny had nothing to do with this, Jethro.","GIBBS: It looks like the call that triggered the fire came from Kenny's cell phone.","DANFORTH: What time was that?","GIBBS: Zero nine hundred about.","DANFORTH: It wasn't Kenny. He was with my wife and I from... I don't know, since... since before dawn up until at least noon.","(PHONE RINGS)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Hey, Boss. Corporal Merrill disappeared.","(GIBBS HANGS UP THE PHONE)","DANFORTH: Was that about my son?","MCGEE: No. Corporal Merrill. After I questioned him, he walked out of the class he was teaching. No one's seen him since.","(MUSIC OUT)","MUSIC IN:","INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - NIGHT","(DOOR OPENS\/ CLOSES)","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/GIBBS SETS THE TABLE)","SHEPARD: I don't recall ordering room service. Is that steak au poivre? And frisee salad. Oh. Oh. You know, the last time we had steak au poivre, six people died. What is this meal going to cost me?","GIBBS: Can't a guy just sit down and have a bite with his old partner?","SHEPARD: Old partner? Must be worse than I thought. (BEAT) How'd it go with Danforth at the hospital today?","GIBBS: It went okay. If you're Corporal Merrill. Danforth gave an alibi for the day of the explosion.","SHEPARD: I assume you didn't believe him.","GIBBS: Why's that?","SHEPARD:","SHEPARD: Because I wouldn't be eating steak au poivre right now if you did. If Danforth's covering for Merrill, he has to believe Merrill didn't kill his son. (CONT.) And the only way he can know that for sure is...","GIBBS: If the kid is still alive.","SHEPARD: But you don't believe that, either.","GIBBS: The alibi was B.S. The grief was real.","SHEPARD: You sure Danforth wasn't playing you? Sorry. But that still doesn't mean his son's dead. There was an accident. He could be hurt.","GIBBS: He could be recovering in a private hospital somewhere.","SHEPARD: Wouldn't be the first time a parent with means used them to keep a child out of trouble. Are you going to eat that aspara - thank you. There is another possibility. If Danforth is grieving for his son.... then he's only covering for Merrill because...","GIBBS: He refuses to believe that Merrill attempted to kill him.","SHEPARD: Let's hope he's not wrong. Either way, however it went down, Jethro, you find Merrill, you'll find Danforth, Junior.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Merrill, (SPELLS) M-E-R-R - R-R! Like Ricky Ricardo.","MCGEE: Okay, I got his ATM records... checking for any recent activity.","ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Vehicle is a tan Sierra, license plate D-P-H...","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Ricky Ricardo! You know, from \"I Love Lucy.\"","MCGEE: No withdrawals in the last two weeks. Credit card records coming up.","ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Tan. If I meant burnt umber, I would have said burnt umber... what -","TONY: (INTO PHONE) Ricky Ricardo. You know, you some 'splainin' to do, Lucy! (BEAT) Hey, Boss. Just updating the BOLO on Merrill.","ZIVA: And checking the DMV to see if he's had any traffic violations recently.","MCGEE: And going through his financial records to try and pick up any leads off any recent purchases.","GIBBS: And?","TONY: And we can't find him. Uh... but we're not going to give up until we do.","MCGEE: Or die trying.(GIBBS WALKS O.S.)","TONY: Or die trying? You had to put that in his head?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY","(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)","GIBBS: You wanted to see me, Duck?","DUCKY: Yes, I did. I was just about to call you. Small wonder DiNozzo is always looking over his shoulder. I managed to put a couple of bits together. Yes, lower canine.","(SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED)","GIBBS: How long?","DUCKY: Oh, a week... maybe longer.","GIBBS: And the odds of this reconstruction getting us an I.D.?","DUCKY: Exceedingly long. But it's the only method I have for identifying these remains.","GIBBS: I've had long shots come in.","DUCKY: I once wagered a five hundred-to-one on the Irish Sweepstakes. He fell at the first jump, but then recovered. He fell at the second jump. You'll never guess what happened next.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LAB - DAY","(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.","ABBY: That's me, Gibbs! You'll never guess what I found! Come on, Gibbs. Guess! I ran the prints from the bottle of ibuprofen that Tony found at the Danforth accident site. Can I at least get a drum roll?","GIBBS: Ta-da.","ABBY: Pathetic.","GIBBS: Prints.","ABBY: The prescription belonged to Corporal Merrill. All of the prints on the bottle belonged to Lance Corporal Danforth!","GIBBS: So Merrill gave Danforth some of his grunt candy.","ABBY: It wasn't grunt candy! The bottle was empty, so I swabbed it and I ran it through the mass spec. Cyclosporine, azathio-prine.","GIBBS: Come on, Abs. In English.","ABBY: They're anti-rejection drugs, Gibbs! If Danforth was taking them, he's had a transplant! The DNA I ran could be from a donor organ. It kind of turned me on. I'm going to get another sample from Ducky. This body could be Lance Corporal Danforth. So urban myth.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. HOSPITAL ENTRANCE - DAY","GIBBS: Hey, Bill. I called your home. Your wife said you were here.","DANFORTH: You have bad news for me, don't you?","GIBBS: Yeah. Where'd your son have his transplant?","DANFORTH: Does it matter?","GIBBS: No.","DANFORTH: You can't stay in the Corps with a kidney transplant, Jethro.","GIBBS: Who burned in the fire, Bill?","DANFORTH: An unclaimed body at the hospital morgue scheduled for cremation. I made a donation. They switched a toe tag. And the county saved itself the cost of a cremation.","GIBBS: It could have killed those EMTs, Bill.","DANFORTH: No. I didn't detonate that oxygen until they were clear.","GIBBS: Why? Your son was dead. The Corps doesn't care if he had a transplant now. (BEAT) They were more than friends. They were a match! Corporal Merrill gave your son a kidney.","DANFORTH: An autopsy would reveal the transplant. I was afraid that the M.E. would run a DNA check on the donor organ.","GIBBS: And you can't be on active duty if you give away a kidney.","DANFORTH: The Corps means the world to that boy, Jethro. It's his life. And he risked everything. He risked it all to help out his best friend. My son.","GIBBS: He rigged an IED to burn that...","DANFORTH: I did that!","GIBBS: Bill!","DANFORTH: I'll swear I did it. Kenny had nothing to do with this.","GIBBS: Why'd he go UA?","DANFORTH: He didn't go UA. He was at my place. The things that Kenny's teaching those Marines going to Iraq will save their lives, Jethro. Come on, let me take the hit on this one.","GIBBS: Where is your son's body?","DANFORTH: At the hospital morgue.","GIBBS: Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY","(SFX: SAWING B.G.)","DUCKY: I do apologize. Usually one scraping is sufficient, but you are so crispy. Ah. That should satisfy Abby. Ah, Jethro. Abby told me about the transplant and her theory.","GIBBS: Hmm - You buy it?","DUCKY: Well, it is possible.","GIBBS: My money's on your teeth, Duck. Get back to them.","DUCKY: As soon as I give this to Abby.","GIBBS: I'll do it.","DUCKY: Jethro!","GIBBS: Ah.","DUCKY: I've never seen you break evidence protocol before.","GIBBS: You don't trust me, Duck?","DUCKY: Well, that's not the point. Chain of evidence is chain of evidence.","GIBBS: You're right about that. I'd slap DiNozzo silly if he did it.","DUCKY: Jethro, you surprise me.","GIBBS: Must be getting old.","(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS\/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. ELEVATOR - DAY","(MUSIC OVER ACTION)","(SFX: GIBBS SLAPS HIMSELF)","GIBBS: God.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. LAB - DAY","ABBY: Yes! Yes! Whoo! Yes! Yay!","DUCKY: That's incredible.","GIBBS: No need for a dental match now, Duck.","DUCKY: The odds on getting donor DNA from Danforth's body are ... astronomical!","ABBY: Alabama! Nineteen fifty four. A nine pound meteorite hits Annie Hodges. The odds of getting hit by a meteorite - astronomical, no pun intended. But it happens and I'm going to be published again. Ooh, yes.","TONY: Peachy for you. But we just lost our victim.","ZIVA: Our suspect.","MCGEE: Our theories.","ZIVA: We've been barking up the wrong tree the entire investigation.","TONY: Bush.","ZIVA: Sorry, bush. We've been barking up the wrong.... bush.","TONY: Tree. So who torched the ambulance and why?","GIBBS: Don't look at me.","(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS)","SHEPARD: Don't tell me.","GIBBS: Well, yeah. Abby was right. The first test picked up donor DNA. Our John Doe is Lance Corporal Danforth.","SHEPARD: Good. I mean not good a Marine is dead. But good that the case is no longer ours.","GIBBS: Mm-hmm.","SHEPARD: I know what you're going to say Jethro and don't. I want Lance Corporal Danforth's remains returned to his father and I want the case turned over to the Maryland arson investigators. That will make Mister Danforth happy, which will make the SecNav happy, which in turn will make me very happy. We have wasted way too many of our resources already.","GIBBS: Okay.","(MUSIC UP AND OUT)"],"Show Title":"NCIS","Episode Number":"03x16","Episode Title":"Family Secrets","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"NCIS_04x14.json","Recap":["After catching an international arms dealer thanks to a Mossad tip, the NCIS team learns that the Navy's highly classified weapons system will be sold to \"La Grenouille,\" an important arms dealer. To stop the transaction from happening, the team sends Ducky undercover. Meanwhile, another government agency appears to be working on the same case, with different plans."],"Transcript":["MUSIC IN:","EXT. STREET - DAY","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/GOLIATH QUICKLY WALKS DOWN THE STREET TOWARD THE PARKING LOT)","(SFX: SUV ENGINE STARTS)","(MUSIC OVER ACTION CHASE SCENE\/ CAR CHASES GOLIATH)","(SFX: GOLIATH SHOUTS\/ GRUNTS\/ STRUGGLES)","(MUSIC OUT)","(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE\/SCENES\/ CREDITS AND OUT)","MUSIC IN:","INT. GULFSTREAM JET - DAY","GIBBS: (V.O.) T.V. drama. Eight letters down.","TONY: Uh... Saint Elsewhere? Oh, uh... good morning, Sunshine!","GOLIATH: Where am I?","TONY: (YAWNING) Tenerife, which is the Canary Islands. We're almost there.","GOLIATH: Where?","TONY: Hey, what kind of clubs do they have in Morocco?","GIBBS: We're not going to Morocco.","TONY: Come on, on our way back?","GOLIATH: On the way back from where?","TONY: Oh, I'm sorry. They only gave you a one way ticket.","GOLIATH: Who are they?","TONY: Here's the deal. We jump into Casablanca, hit Rick's Caf\u00e9 for a little cocktail. I could tickle the ivories. Here's looking at you, kid. And then we're back to D.C. Nobody knows.","GOLIATH: Who are you people?!","TONY: Couriers. Delivering a package. As a favor to our Israeli friends.","GOLIATH: Package?","GIBBS: Don't take it personal, Goliath.","TONY: Yeah, can I ask you about that? Every arms dealer I meet, they have the cheesiest code names? I mean, Goliath? Did you choose that?","GOLIATH: You are CIA, yes?","(SFX: GIBBS AND TONY LAUGH)","TONY: Well, this should be interesting. Goliath, I'd like you to meet one of our Israeli friends.","(SFX: ZIVA SLAPS GOLIATH)","ZIVA: (IN HEBREW) You are a traitor,","To our country and our people.","GOLIATH: (IN HEBREW) I never sell weapons to Hamas or Hezbollah!","ZIVA: You sell to people who do!","TONY: You're lucky she doesn't have her slingshot.","ZIVA: Still waiting for clearance to take off. The pilot says we'll only be on the ground for a couple of minutes when we reach Zaire. It's much too dangerous to stay there any longer.","GOLIATH: Zaire? You're taking me to Zaire?","ZIVA: You sold a shipment of RPGs to their army. They were very disappointed with the quality of the merchandise.","TONY: I believe the President of Zaire himself, is eager to discuss how you stiffed him.","ZIVA: He, in turn, has some information Mossad needs.","TONY: And we owe Mossad a little favor, because they told us you were in D.C. and... so here we are. We deliver you to Zaire, the President gives the Israelis whatever information they want and everyone is happy.","ZIVA: Well, not everyone.","PILOT: (V.O.\/FILTERED) We are cleared for takeoff. Fasten your seatbelts.(SFX: SEAT BELT CHIMES B.G.)","GOLIATH: Please.","GIBBS: Yeah?","GOLIATH: I am very wealthy. I have diamonds.","TONY: Ooh. You had diamonds. This jet is very expensive, and somebody had to pay for it.","GOLIATH: I know things.","TONY: Yeah. How to trade weapons for diamonds. We got that.","GOLIATH: I'll trade information.","TONY: And what could you know that would interest the CIA?","ZIVA: (CHUCKLES) He thinks we're the CIA?(SFX: ALL LAUGH)","GOLIATH: Well, the CIA, F.B.I., NSA - what difference does it make? I have information to trade for my life. (BEAT) ARES.","TONY: Cancer.","GIBBS: Virgo.","ZIVA: Scorpio.","GOLIATH: No, your Navy's encrypted satellite system.","ZIVA: Not my Navy.","GOLIATH: The American Navy. They use it to send target coordinates to cruise missiles.","TONY: Did you get that out of Jane's, Goliath?","GOLIATH: What if Iran possessed it? Or North Korea? In the war, they can intercept and change cruise missile coordinates. Send them to Tel Aviv. Seoul. Or even return to sender.","TONY: But they don't have ARES.","ZIVA: Sit back, relax, and try to enjoy the rest of your miserable life.","GOLIATH: ARES is for sale. And I know who is selling it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) The guy we're after is Charles Harrow. There should be an email from him on Goliath's computer.","MCGEE: Ah, Charles Harrow. Right.","ABBY: We have to tell him.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","GIBBS: Tell me what?","ABBY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Wow, Gibbs.","(SCENE CUT)","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Nothing wrong with your hearing.","MCGEE: Boss, this may take a while.","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Hey, McGee.","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Even I can download an email.","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Well, you know your user name...","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) ... and password.","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) We haven't even penetrated Goliath's screen saver yet, Gibbs, which is a bitchin' picture of a Greek island. At least I think it's a Greek Island.","MCGEE: (V.O.) Well, it's","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED)...definitely the Aegean Sea. That blue is too...","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Paragon.","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Paragon?","(SCENE CUT)","(ABBY HITS MCGEE)","MCGEE: Hey!","ABBY: I'm just doing what Gibbs would do if he were here. Paragon is Goliath's username.","MCGEE: Oh. (INTO PHONE) Okay, uh Boss, you wouldn't happen to have...","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Delta...","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Seven one zulu three nine kilo five.","(SCENE CUT)","MCGEE: Oh, we're in!","ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs, you slayed Goliath.","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Well, Abs...","(SCENE CUT)","GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) It was either him or you.","(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","EXT. GULFSTREAM JET - DAY","(SFX: HATCH OPENS)","GOLIATH: This isn't Tenerife.","TONY: Well, I told them to take a left at Bermuda.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","(SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS)","TONY: (INTO PHONE) This is Tony.","MCGEE: Boss, found that email. Harrow has a villa for sale on Santorini. That's...","ZIVA: Greek island in the Aegean.","MCGEE: Right. And he's asking twenty million, but Goliath doesn't want to pay more than--","GIBBS: Fifteen.","MCGEE: But uh... but I don't think that the villa...","GIBBS: Is what he's selling?","MCGEE: Right. So I have pulled everything that I can find on Charles Andrew Harrow. Age sixty-eight. Civilian encryption specialist employed by the D.O.D. until he retired three years ago. His most notable project was...","GIBBS: ARES. Top secret NAVY encrypted satellite targeting system, named after...","MCGEE: A Greek God of War.","GIBBS: Right. Is that all?","MCGEE: No. No, I'm also running Harrow's phone and email records for the past ninety days against databases of known arms dealers. No hits yet, but I did just start.","GIBBS: Two-oh-five Rosewood Drive, Northwest D.C. Is that address still good?","MCGEE: As far as I know.","GIBBS: Dinozzo, Ziva, go get him.","ZIVA: Uh... Gibbs?","GIBBS: McGee.","MCGEE: Right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. BEHIND MTAC STAIRS - DAY","TONY: (INTO PHONE) My pulse is racing, Doctor. My heart is throbbing. I've done a self diagnosis here, and uh... it's not good. I need some relief from the good doctor. (BEAT) I gotta go! (TO GIBBS) I was just... um... I've got to get back to work.","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. CAR - MOVING","MCGEE: (V.O.) These streets are like a maze.","ZIVA: I told you I couldn't program the navigator. I'm a driver.","MCGEE: Ziva, I've driven with you before. I'd rather be lost than dead. Two-oh-five Rosewood Drive, Northwest. That's it. It's the one with the car pulling out of the driveway.","ZIVA: We could race ahead, swerve right, brake hard, and cut him off.","MCGEE: Or we could just wait for him to stop.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","TONY: Uploading Goliath's file into the database, Boss.","GIBBS: Briefing paper?","TONY: Done.","GIBBS: Audio of interrogation?","TONY: Being transcribed. You know, Goliath's right, Boss. I ran North Korea. Even some of our allies would pay a fortune to get their hands on ARES.","GIBBS: Do you think, Dinozzo?","(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES)","TONY: It looks like McGee's got a name match off of Harrow's emails. Trent Kort. He's on the F.B.I. arm's-dealer watch list.","GIBBS: How old?","TONY: Ah, five days. McGee's computer... uh, bio's thin. Trent Thomas Kort, thirty-seven years old. British National. Believed to have recently joined...(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TARMAC - FLASHBACK","KORT: Smiles for me, dear boy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","GIBBS: Hey, do you know this guy?","TONY: No, I've never seen him before. Those Hawaiian shirts....(READS) \"believed to have recently joined La Grenouille, an international arms dealer, fronting corporations in Paris, Nairobi, Cape Town.","(MUSIC UP AND OUT)","MUSIC IN:","INT. SHEPARD'S LAB - DAY","(DOOR OPENS)","TONY: I know - ah, sorry. Cynthia wasn't at her desk so...","SHEPARD: So you barged in, Dinozzo?","CYNTHIA: That should hold until you get home, Director.","SHEPARD: Thank you, Cynthia.","(DOOR CLOSES)","SHEPARD: I broke a bra strap, and I had Cynthia get me a safety pin. I don't even know why I'm telling you this.","TONY: To ease the awkwardness of the moment.","SHEPARD: Hmm. We know each other so well, Tony, there are no awkward moments.","TONY: Yeah. May I? Charles Harrow. Retired puzzle maker. (SFX: KEYBOARDING)","SHEPARD: For who?","TONY: Us. Literally us. He designed ARES. It's the Navy's cruise...","SHEPARD: Missile targeting system. He come out of retirement?","TONY: In a way. He's offering ARES in a one-off to the highest bidder.","SHEPARD: La Grenouille.","TONY: He's one of the bidders.","SHEPARD: How did we come by this?","TONY: Mossad passed intel onto Ziva about an international arms dealer, code name, Goliath.","SHEPARD: I've heard of him. He's Israeli.","TONY:","TONY: And Ziva didn't take too kindly to that. He's rumored to be bidding on a stolen Navy weapons system. We snatched him this morning. Got him downstairs on a visa violation. His computer is in Abby's lab. (CONT.) And we were running Harrow's cell calls and emails for known arms dealers when... this guy popped off an F.B.I. watch list. Name is Trent Kort.","SHEPARD: You took that picture eight weeks ago. Why are we just getting a name now?","TONY: I have no idea. I ran that photo against all agency watch lists, including the F.B.I., and I got nothing.","SHEPARD: It doesn't matter. This is good.","TONY: And it's bad. I had to lie to Gibbs.","SHEPARD: You were on an undercover mission.","TONY: He's my boss.","SHEPARD: And I'm his boss. You leave him to me. Your ass is covered.","TONY: I'm not worried about my ass, Jenny!","SHEPARD: Gibbs put Harrow under surveillance?","TONY: No.","SHEPARD: No?","TONY: He sent Ziva and McGee to pick him up.","SHEPARD: (INTO INTERCOM) Cynthia, get Agent Gibbs in here ASAP...(DOOR OPENS\/ CLOSES)","GIBBS: You send for me, Director?","SHEPARD: Call Ziva and McGee off.","GIBBS: Off, Director?","SHEPARD: They are not to pick up ....","TONY: Harrow.","SHEPARD: Harrow.","GIBBS: Charles Harrow is offering a top secret Navy weapon system to the highest bidder. It could be in the hands of Iraq or...","SHEPARD: Damn it, Jethro! This an order! Call them off! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. CAR - PARKED","ZIVA: Just when you begin to assimilate to American culture, you see a grown man getting his nails done.","MCGEE: There's nothing wrong with a man treating himself to a manicure.","ZIVA: Don't tell me, McGee. (LAUGHS)","MCGEE: I have sensitive cuticles.(ZIVA BREATHES DEEPLY)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. STREET - DAY","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/HARROW WALKS DOWN THE SIDEWALK)","(ZIVA AND MCGEE FOLLOW)","(SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS)","MCGEE: It's Gibbs.","ZIVA: Answer it.","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Boss?","HARROW: Yes?","MCGEE: Ah, sweet cheeks? It's okay. We're all set.","ZIVA: We are?","MCGEE: Yeah, my brother just called, gave me directions. You know the Washington Monument. Who thought it'd be so tough to find. Thanks anyway.","HARROW: No problem.(ZIVA AND MCGEE WALK O.S.)","ZIVA: What just happened?","MCGEE: Change of plans. Follow. Do not approach.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM LANDING - DAY","GIBBS: You haven't been straight with me since I...","SHEPARD: Quit?","GIBBS: Retired.","SHEPARD: When you left on your margarita safari...","GIBBS: Margarita safari?","SHEPARD: This agency didn't shut down. New operations were put in motion. One sent Tony undercover.","GIBBS: Well, I'm back and I won't have a part-time senior field agent.","SHEPARD: It's your own fault, you know.","GIBBS: For what? Leaving or coming back?","SHEPARD: For teaching me your rules. Best way to keep a secret, keep it to yourself. Second best, tell one other person if you must. There is no third best. That's rule number four, isn't it?","GIBBS: Number one supersedes all of the others.","SHEPARD: Mm, never screw your partner?","GIBBS: Never screw over your partner.","SHEPARD: I never screwed you over. And I'm not your partner. I'm your boss.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","TONY: McGee's search is kicking out another bidder. (TO GIBBS) Hey, Boss! McGee's got something. What is it with these wacky code names?","SHEPARD: Anonymity deflects more bullets than body armor.","TONY: Well, this one's a woman. The Black Rose.","SHEPARD: Rose O'Leary. She ran guns for the IRA until peace broke out. Who's flagged her?","TONY: M-I-Five. They were tracking her in Africa. Lost contact six days ago. They think she slipped aboard a Variq flight to Brazil using the name Grace O'Malley.","(SHEPARD CHUCKLES)","GIBBS: That's funny, Director?","SHEPARD: Grace O'Malley was a sixteenth century Irish pirate. What's her bid?","TONY: Less than La Grenouille. Only eighteen mil.","GIBBS: Unless her bid was in Euros.(GIBBS WALKS O.S.)","TONY: Dollars. It's in dollars. Think he'll ever forgive us?","SHEPARD: Send me a hard copy when the data's in.","TONY: Yeah, that's what I think, too.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. MEN'S ROOM - DAY","(DOOR OPENS)","(GIBBS AND TONY STAND AT THE URINAL)","GIBBS: Are you following me?","TONY: (CHUCKLES) No. Why would I do that?","GIBBS: I was just asking myself the same question.","(SFX: TONY WHISTLES)","GIBBS: Want me to run some water?","TONY: No, I'm all right. I just....","GIBBS: Ah, just say it, Dinozzo.","TONY: I'm sorry, Boss. I uh... I've been wanting to tell you for a long time, but the situation is...","GIBBS: Complicated?","TONY: Exactly. Director's got this really strict rule about ...","GIBBS: Secrets.","TONY: Yeah. The point is, I owe you everything. You taught me how to do this job. I never wanted to lie to you.","GIBBS: Hell, Dinozzo, you were following orders. I would have done the same thing.","TONY: Would you?","GIBBS: Yeah.","TONY: You would have lied to Mike Franks?(SFX: GIBBS THROWS TRASH IN THE CAN)","(DOOR OPENS\/ CLOSES)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. STREET - DAY","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/ZIVA AND MCGEE FOLLOW HARROW)","MAX: They may do it a little different, you know, but it's all the same. Hey, let's see what she has to say.","HURLEY: Ah, look, will you settle something for me and my friend","MAX: We really need a woman's point of view.","ZIVA: Hey, go ask your mom.","MAX: It's a simple question.","ZIVA: Let go of me.","MAX: See? I told you. All beautiful women are bitches.","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/ZIVA FIGHTING HURLEY AND MAX)","ZIVA: He's spotted us!","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/ZIVA AND MCGEE CHASING HARROW)","(SFX: HARROW STRUGGLES RUNNING UP THE STAIRS\/ GASPING FOR AIR)","(SFX: ZIVA PERFORMING CPR)","ZIVA: (COUNTS) One, two, three, four, five.","DISPATCHER: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Nine-one-one.","MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) We have a man down with a heart attack. La Fonte Plaza steps.","(MUSIC UP AND OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. STREET - DAY","SHEPARD: You were supposed to keep Mister Harrow under surveillance, not chase him into a coronary!","MCGEE: Director, once he made us, we had to take him into custody, didn't we?","ZIVA: No, the Director's right. We could have let Harrow escape. If he sold ARES, we could have caught Black Rose or La Grenouille selling it to Iran....","SHEPARD: Don't be cute, Officer David. I'm saying there had to be a better way. Right Tony?","TONY: Ah, that's right, Director. He could have...","GIBBS: Shot him.","TONY: That's right. They could have shot him.","GIBBS: Of course, in high octane situations, Ziva reverts back to her Mossad training, and probably would have put a round through his heart.","ZIVA: Three rounds.","GIBBS: And McGee, not to be outdone, would have ....","MCGEE: Added three more rounds.","SHEPARD: Gibbs.","GIBBS: See? There you go. Six rounds, same result. One dead Mister Harrow.","DUCKY: I signed for the body. Cause of death was most likely a.... am I interrupting?","SHEPARD: Not at all, Doctor. We were just discussing the various ways NCIS could have killed Mister Harrow, besides chasing him to death.","DUCKY: I am interrupting.","SHEPARD: Doctor, death was most likely caused by....?","DUCKY: A myocardial infarction that was probably brought on by a combination of the high fat Western diet, little exercise, and the mistaken belief that he could run up all those stairs. Rigorous for most. Rigor mortis for him.","SHEPARD: Anything else?","DUCKY: Well, not until I do the autopsy.","(SHEPARD WALKS O.S.)","DUCKY: Oh. What is going on?","TONY: I think the Director is afraid Harrow's family might sue us.","GIBBS: Whatever she's thinking about, it's not ARES.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CAR - MOVING","ZIVA: That's ARES?","TONY: According to McGeek - Ziva, watch the road!(SFX: CAR HORN HONKS B.G.)","ZIVA: I have great peripheral vision.","TONY: My sphincter doesn't.","ZIVA: Well, at least we won't have trouble finding it.","TONY: Really?","ZIVA: Tony, it's the size of an ATM.","TONY: Well this is the controller console, and this ...","ZIVA: Your mystery woman!","TONY: Watch the road!","ZIVA: Oh, yes it is, isn't it?!","TONY: No, this is no one! It's McGee's idea of a prank. This is the pirated part of ARES we have to find.","ZIVA: Twenty million for that?","TONY: Well, size doesn't mat - forget I even stupidly started to say that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. HOUSE - DAY","ZIVA: Will you tell me her name if I find the pirate's copy of ARES?","TONY: Pirated copy.","ZIVA: That's what I said.","TONY: No, you said pirate's copy. A pirate is a person like Captain Jack Sparrow. A pirated copy--","ZIVA: Who is Jack Sparrow?","TONY: Johnny Depp.","ZIVA: He's a pirate?","TONY: No, he's an actor.","ZIVA: Oh.","TONY: How did we get here?","ZIVA: I drove.","(DOOR OPENS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. HOUSE - DAY","(SFX: DOOR CREAKS OPEN)","ZIVA: This is going to be like looking for a needle in a needle stack.","TONY: Needle in a haystack.","ZIVA: I like my description better.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. HALLWAY - DAY","(SFX: SCANNER)","(DOOR OPENS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. MTAC - DAY","(DOOR CLOSES)","GIBBS: Sitting in the dark, staring at photos of your enemies could be considered obsessive.","SHEPARD: Kind of like building a fourth boat when you haven't even sailed the first three.","GIBBS: How well do you know the Black Rose?","SHEPARD: Well enough to know that I'd like her if she wasn't an arms dealer.","GIBBS: And The Frog? La Grenouille means the frog.","SHEPARD: I know what it means.","GIBBS: Well, why don't you call him that?","SHEPARD: La Grenouille is his code name.","GIBBS: Well, I'm going to call him Frog.","(SFX: GIBBS CROAKS LIKE A FROG)","SHEPARD: Spit it out, Jethro, before it gags you.","GIBBS: You were out of control today. Why? The deal died with Harrow.","SHEPARD: His copy of ARES might still be in play.","GIBBS: You don't want ARES, you want him.","SHEPARD: Damn right I want him. I have been trying for a decade to bring him down.","GIBBS: So it is personal. What did he do to you, Jenny?","SHEPARD: You have no need-two-know, Special Agent Gibbs.","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","INT. ABBY'S LAB","ABBY: (V.O.) Wow! And McGee, this is like Christmas all over again! Look at this baby. Firewire, USB, a terabyte of storage. That's a thousand gigabytes of fun.","MCGEE: Well, to be accurate, it's a thousand twenty-four gigabytes of fun. I'll bet you all of them are encrypted. It'll take us years to access all the stuff on these computers.","ABBY: You didn't think it was going to be easy, did you?","MCGEE: I'm hoping I'd get lucky. I guess I wasn't the only one hoping to get lucky. Huh. These have been opened and resealed.","ABBY: Eeuh.","MCGEE: Huh. USB micro-drives. Six of them.","ABBY: ARES.","MCGEE: The software portion. We still need to find the circuit board. Ah, it's got to be here somewhere.","ABBY: Wow. I guess everything can't be state-of-the-art.","MCGEE: Well, that laptop's got to be nearly twenty years old.","ABBY: Hey, maybe it has the original Donkey Kong on it. McGee! How can a twenty-year-old computer have dual firewire connections?","MCGEE: It can't. Firewire has only been around about ten years.","ABBY: Somebody should have told Harold.","MCGEE: It sure looks like an old luggable.","ABBY: All right, it should take at least thirty seconds for this to.... Oh.","MCGEE: That cunning old fox! He put a new computer in an old skin.","ABBY: I like this guy. I mean, aside from the fact that he was about to commit treason. That's the same screensaver that Goliath had.","MCGEE: I'll bet you the circuitry to run ARES is hardwired into the motherboard. Abs, I think we found ARES.","ABBY: Yes!!","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","MCGEE: The software was stored on micro-drives hidden in condoms. And we analyzed every detail, the source code to the circuitry of the motherboard--","GIBBS: McGee.","MCGEE: It's like PS - Three. You can't play Killzone without the hardware to run it.","GIBBS: PS-Three?","MCGEE: Game console. Atari? Commodore Sixty-four?","GIBBS: The software is useless without the hardware.","MCGEE: You got it.","GIBBS: Why didn't you say that?","SHEPARD: You found ARES?","MCGEE: Yes. Here is it, Director. Live from Abby's lab.","GIBBS: You don't seem very happy.","SHEPARD: Any more bids?","TONY: No. La Grenouille was the high one. Not that it matters, but...","SHEPARD: (OVERLAP) Did Harrow arrange the drop off?","MCGEE: I checked his Blackberry. This guy writes down every appointment and meeting. Nothing.","ZIVA: No phone calls or emails in the last six hours before he died.","MCGEE: We were monitoring his - he had coffee!","[SCENE_BREAK]","(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE OF THE COFFEE SHOP)","MCGEE: The caf\u00e9 had internet access.","ZIVA: Trimana Caf\u00e9. Thirty-fifth Street.","MCGEE: I've got it. ISP provider.","TONY: Can you do this to anyone's email?","MCGEE: No. 'Cause this is highly illegal, and I'm not even doing it now. Okay, we're in. At one forty this afternoon, Harrow sent two emails from that ISP. One to Black Rose.","ZIVA: Tell her the bad news, no doubt.","MCGEE: And one to La Grenouille. (READS) \"Congratulations on a winning bid. Upon receipt of your funds, Title to the Santorini Villa at - he lists the GPS coordinates - will be transferred at midnight Tuesday.","ZIVA: That's ten minutes from now. Same time zone as Israel.","GIBBS: McGee, put that email up on the plasma.","(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES)","GIBBS: Those coordinates aren't Greece.","(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES)","MCGEE: It's Quebec!","SHEPARD: We've got five hours!","GIBBS: Aren't you forgetting something?","SHEPARD: I'm not going to let a few miles of Canadian border stop me.","GIBBS: That's not what I meant. The Frog is expecting to meet Harrow, and Charles Harrow is dead.","(MUSIC UP AND OUT)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","MCGEE: Aeroport de Sherbrooke, southeastern Quebec. It's thirty miles across the border from New Hampshire. That puts La Grenouille right in our backyard.","GIBBS: Did I miss Quebec becoming the fifty-first state?","SHEPARD: I'm not going to watch that b*st*rd fly away again, Jethro.","GIBBS: Again?","ZIVA: Why don't we snatch him when he lands, toss him in the back of the trunk, and drive over the border.","MCGEE: That might work where you grew up, Ziva, not here.","SHEPARD: Why not?","TONY: Okay, I'm down with the border snatch. What do we charge him with? Bidding on a Greek villa?","MCGEE: Tony's right. We've got nothing on Grenouille until he buys ARES.","TONY: Since Harrow's dead, that can't happen.","GIBBS: Does The Frog know that Harrow is dead?","ZIVA: Probably not.","MCGEE: And if he never met him...","SHEPARD: All we need is a sixty-eight year old Englishman.","DUCKY: (V.O.) Is it pronounced....","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY","DUCKY: .... Harrow or Hairrow.","ZIVA: Harrow, Ducky. Charles Andrew Harrow.","MCGEE: Okay, Ducky, now pay attention. ARES...","DUCKY: Are you certain? Because I was in medical school with an Ian Hairrow. He spelled it the same way.","MCGEE: Ducky, please pay attention. I am trying to give you a crash course in one of the Navy's most complex weapons systems.","DUCKY: Oh, sorry.","ZIVA: You look dashing, Ducky.","DUCKY: Yes, I used to wear a mustache in Singapore when I was attached --","MCGEE: ARES is an encryption-decryption system. That means that it's used to encode and decode information. In this case, GPS targeting information for the Navy's cruise missiles.","ABBY: It operates by using the algorithm known as IDEA. It's the same algorithm used for all RSA Legacy keys generated by PGP.","MCGEE: It uses a variable-length key, from thirty-two bits to four hundred and forty-eight bits. Questions so far?","DUCKY: Are you sure it's not Hairrow?(SFX: ZIVA CHUCKLES)","TONY: It's a ten hour drive to the Canadian border. We're going to have to go without a surveillance van.","SHEPARD: I've got it covered.","TONY: She's got it covered? How?","GIBBS: Let's just say it's a favor you and I couldn't have called in.","ABBY: I know it doesn't look like much, but inside is twenty million bucks worth of ARES.","SHEPARD: Guard it with your life.","ZIVA: Of course.","(SFX: ZIVA STUMBLES)","ZIVA: Ooh! (LAUGHS) I find a little levity at the start of a mission relaxing.","MCGEE: Boss, we've got a problem.","GIBBS: Just one, McGee?","MCGEE: Grenouille is sure to have someone there to vet ARES. Now, if someone asks Ducky to explain something, his duck is cooked, no pun intended.","GIBBS: Well, that's why you're going to be there with him, McGee.","ABBY: Okay, just remember, Ducky...","DUCKY: Charles.","ABBY: What?","DUCKY: My name is Charles Harrow.","SHEPARD: Charles, you've got a plane to catch.","DUCKY: Yes, and an arms dealer. Mind if I have the window seat?","MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:","EXT. AIRPORT - NIGHT","TONY: (V.O.) Gulfstream Five. Registration, two-one-eight-echo.","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Copy you, Archangel.","TONY: They flew into Washington in a different G-Five when I tagged the luggage.","ZIVA: Tagged their luggage? Oh, that's when Jenny had you... undercovers.","TONY: Undercover. Not undercovers.","MCGEE: Two-one-eight Echo is a...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. MTAC - NIGHT","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) ...Sorbonne Air Charter out of Orly Sud. It's been refueled and flight filed. TOD - twenty-four hundred.","GIBBS: Thirty-five minutes. This is your op, Director.","SHEPARD: Bring Ducky online.","MCGEE: Sound check, Ducky.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) Now I know why they call these wretched things....","(SCENE CUT)","DUCKY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) ...earwigs.","SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Make the exchange, Doctor, and get out.","(SCENE CUT)","SHEPARD: (V.O.\/FILTERED) I don't want you caught in the middle of a firefight.","DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) That's very considerate of you, Director.","(SCENE CUT)","SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) And Ducky, thank you.","(SCENE CUT)","DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) It's a pleasure.","(SFX: CAR ENGINE STARTS)","DUCKY: Tally-ho.","(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. MTAC - NIGHT","SHEPARD: Six months of undercover work, and it all comes down to Ducky.","WOMAN: (V.O.\/FILTERED\/IN FRENCH) May I help you?","DUCKY: (V.O.\/FILTERED\/IN FRENCH) Charles Harrow. La Grenouille is expecting me.","WOMAN: (V.O.\/FILTERED\/IN FRENCH) One moment, Mister Harrow.","DUCKY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Well, that was easy. When this is over, you really should talk to somebody about security.","SHEPARD: (V.O.\/FILTERED) I'll take that (ON CAMERA) under advisement.","DUCKY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Yes, a terrorist could hire a car and - wait a minute!","QUINN: (ON MONITOR) Identification, please.","SHEPARD: (V.O.) Martin Quinn. He flew in with La Grenouille's...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. CAR - NIGHT","SHEPARD: (V.O.\/FILTERED) ... advance party two months ago.","QUINN: Open the trunk, please.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. BUILDING ROOFTOP - NIGHT","ZIVA: And you wanted to hide in the boot.","TONY: You didn't take me seriously, did you?","ZIVA: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Huh.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TARMAC - NIGHT","QUINN: With me. (MUSIC OVER ACTION\/CAR DRIVES TO THE GULFSTREAM)","QUINN: All right, hold it there.","KORT: Charles Harrow?","DUCKY: You say that as if you're surprised to see me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","MCGEE: Uh-oh.","SHEPARD: (INTO RADIO) Archangel, Ducky might have been compromised.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. BUILDING ROOFTOP - NIGHT","ZIVA: (INTO RADIO) Archangel has him covered.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TARMAC - NIGHT","KORT: You have ARES?","DUCKY: You have the twenty million?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK - NIGHT","GIBBS: He's a natural.","SHEPARD: Maybe, but he's making me nervous.","KORT: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Regina!","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK - NIGHT","REGINE SMIDT: (ON MONITOR\/FILTERED) Hello.","DUCKY: (ON MONITOR\/FILTERED) Ah, your hand --","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT","GIBBS: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Tell him to hand over the damn laptop, McGee.","DUCKY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Ducky...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK - NIGHT","MCGEE: (INTO RADIO)...give her the laptop.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TARMAC - NIGHT","REGINE SMIDT: May I?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","REGINE SMIDT: (ON MONITOR\/FILTERED) This is ARES?","DUCKY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Never judge...","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TARMAC","DUCKY: ... a computer by its shell, my dear.","REGINE SMIDT: Password?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","DUCKY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Raven.","REGINE SMIDT: (ON MONITOR\/FILTERED) Satellite uplink?","MCGEE: (INTO RADIO) Built into the circuit board.","DUCKY: (ON MONITOR\/FILTERED) It's built into the circuit board.","MCGEE: (INTO RADIO) Follow the onscreen instructions to lock onto a satellite.","DUCKY: (V.O.\/FILTERED\/OVERLAP) Follow the onscreen in--","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TARMAC","DUCKY: ... instructions to lock onto a satellite.","REGINE SMIDT: Good.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","SHEPARD: Where's Grenouille?","DUCKY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Aren't you going to invite...","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TARMAC","DUCKY: .... me in out of the cold, Monsieur Grenouille...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","KORT: (ON MONITOR) I would, but I'm not him.(SFX: CAMERA CLICK)","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","SHEPARD: Finally.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. ROOFTOP","GRENOUILLE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) I trust you'll forgive a rather...","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TARMAC","GRENOUILLE: ... operatic entrance, Mister Harrow, but...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","GRENOUILLE: (ON MONITOR\/FILTERED) ... I love theater.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TARMAC","DUCKY: (IN FRENCH) As do I.","GRENOUILLE: (IN FRENCH) What is your favorite opera?","DUCKY: (IN FRENCH) My favorite opera is Cosi fan tutte. Of course.","GRENOUILLE: (IN FRENCH) I understand.","DUCKY: (IN FRENCH) Yours?","GRENOUILLE: (IN FRENCH) La forza del Destino\". So dark.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","GIBBS: (V.O.) Why do they have to speak French?","MCGEE: Well, we are in Quebec, Boss. (INTO RADIO) Ducky, English...","GRENOUILLE: (IN FRENCH\/OVERLAP\/V.O.) ... a melody formidable.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TARMAC","MCGEE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) ...please.","DUCKY: Yes, well, uh... shall we step out of the wind?","GRENOUILLE: Of course. Perhaps your car, huh? (ON MONITOR) Too much time with even the most beautiful woman ... (ON SCREEN) can be boring.","DUCKY: I... I wouldn't know, Monsieur Grenouille.","GRENOUILLE: Ah, my nom d'guerre is for rivals and enemies. I choose to believe you are neither... call me Ren\u00e9e.","DUCKY: Ducky.","GRENOUILLE: Ducky?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","GRENOUILLE: (V.O.\/FILTERED) (LAUGHS) What an interesting nickname.","DUCKY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Yes, it's an unfortunate one I picked up","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TARMAC","DUCKY: ...as a lad during the Blitz. Please.","GRENOUILLE: Ah, merci.","(DUCKY AND GRENOUILLE CLIMB INTO THE CAR)","KORT: (INTO PHONE) Just run the damn photo. (TO QUINN) Where are you going?","QUINN: Man wants his private cognac.","KORT: You see anything out there?","QUINN: Are you kidding? Canadians are in bed by nine.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. RENTAL CAR - NIGHT","(DOOR CLOSES)","GRENOUILLE: Have you ever enjoyed a glass of L'Esprit de Courvoisier?","DUCKY: The spirits of Courvoisier? No, I... (V.O.\/FILTERED) can't say I have.","(DOOR OPENS)","QUINN: Monsieur?","GRENOUILLE: Ah.","QUINN: (IN FRENCH) Voila.","GRENOUILLE: (IN FRENCH) Merci.","QUINN: (IN FRENCH) You're welcome.","(DOOR CLOSES)","GRENOUILLE: This will be a beautiful way to consummate the transfer of the villa.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","GIBBS: Le Froggie is more careful than Gotti.","SHEPARD: That's why he's never been caught.","DUCKY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Oh, what a pleasure.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. RENTAL CAR","GRENOUILLE: Do you have children, Ducky?","DUCKY: Sadly, no.","GRENOUILLE: One of life's great gifts. I have three. And two grandchildren now. A girl and a boy. Everything I do now is for them. I am provider and protector in equal part. Napoleon... Napoleon was the first to drink this cognac at his coronation in eighteen hundred and two. And since then, only the very best vintage has been added to that. Two hundred years of empires, revolutions, and war.","DUCKY: History in a glass. (IN FRENCH).....","GRENOUILLE: (ON MONITOR) Salud.","(INTERCUT SCENES)","REGINE SMIDT: Kort? Something wrong?","KORT: No. Is it worth twenty million in diamonds?","REGINE SMIDT: More. The Iranian will give a hundred for it.","KORT: Tell the pilots wheels up in five minutes.","(SFX: JET ENGINES STARTING)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. ROOFTOP","TONY: They're starting engines.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","DUCKY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) This Courvoisier is astonishing.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. RENTAL CAR","KORT: Regina approves.","GRENOUILLE: Oh, excellent. (TO DUCKY) It's been a pleasure, Ducky.","DUCKY: Yes, for me, too.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","SHEPARD: (INTO RADIO) Get...","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. RENTAL CAR","SHEPARD: (V.O.\/FILTERED) ...the diamonds.","DUCKY: Renee? Aren't you forgetting something?","GRENOUILLE: Oh, my bottle of history is yours, my friend. Add to it well.","DUCKY: I don't know what to say.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","ALL: Give me the diamonds!","DUCKY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Oh, yes. Well, uh...","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TARMAC","DUCKY: Yes, I hate to be crass, but the diamonds?","GRENOUILLE: (ON MONITOR) Yes, Kort has them.","DUCKY: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Ah, very well.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. ROOFTOP","ZIVA: (INTO RADIO) Archangel awaiting instructions.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","GIBBS: This was to be a snatch, wasn't it? Or did you have something else in mind?(SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS)","GRENOUILLE: (IN FRENCH) Good bye.","DUCKY: (IN FRENCH) Good bye.","GRENOUILLE: (IN FRENCH) See you soon.","DUCKY: (IN FRENCH) See you soon.","SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Director Shepard.","ZIVA: (V.O.) About to lose target.","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. ROOFTOP","ZIVA: (INTO RADIO) Target will be lost in five seconds.","TONY: (INTO RADIO) Archangel requesting instructions.","ZIVA: (INTO RADIO) Director?","SHEPARD: (V.O.\/FILTERED) Stand down, Archangel! Stand down!","(SFX: SHEPARD GASPS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TARMAC","KORT: (ON MONITOR\/FILTERED) Tell me you got the call.","DUCKY: What call?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","SHEPARD: Yes, I got (V.O.) the damn call!","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. TARMAC","KORT: (V.O.) Your diamonds, (ON MONITOR) Doctor Mallard.","(DOOR CLOSES)","(MUSIC OVER ACTION\/ GULFSTREAM TAKES OFF)","[SCENE_BREAK]","EXT. GREEN CUBE TRUCK","DUCKY: He knew my name!","TONY: He's CIA.","ZIVA: So was Harrow.","MCGEE: It was a sting.","GIBBS: We got stung.","SHEPARD: No. We got screwed.","DUCKY: One question. What do I do with these?","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE","GIBBS: Ah, how many are you keeping?","SHEPARD: Did Ducky fix Harrow's time of death?","GIBBS: Yeah. On the record, he will drop dead of a heart attack tomorrow.","SHEPARD: Good. I wouldn't want Grenouille to discover he'd met a dead man. Harrow altered the ARES unit. Installed a Trojan horse. If the Iranians even try to use it, they'll be targeting their own defense systems. Quite a strategic advantage.","GIBBS: I didn't need to know that.","SHEPARD: Neither did I. But somebody thought they could trust me. I will get him, another time, another deal. I will be there, and I will get him.","GIBBS: Are you sure you want to?","SHEPARD: Of course I want to.","GIBBS: Some people need to have someone to hate.","SHEPARD: Not me.","GIBBS: Then you should have let Ziva take the shot.","(MUSIC UP AND OUT)"],"Show Title":"NCIS","Episode Number":"04x14","Episode Title":"Blowback","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"NCIS__Los_Angeles_06x13.json","Recap":["After an attack on the U.S. Consulate in Tunisia, Callen and Sam go to the crime scene to investigate the death of two officers (one of which was a close friend of Sam's) and soon discover that perhaps the Ambassador ( Julie Chen ) was not the intended target of the attackers, who have now entered the United States."],"Transcript":["Car is ready, Ambassador. Thank you. Let's go. This is for the benefit of the State Department. I get it. We'll finish this conversation in Tunis. Okay. See you in a week.","(tires squealing)","(rapid gunfire)","(gasps)","Man: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!","(indistinct shouting)","(rapid gunfire)","Get her out through the back! I'll hold 'em off as long as I can. Yes, sir. Ma'am, with me. Let's go.","(gunfire continues)","(grunts, woman screams)","Go! Fall back!","Soldier (in distance): Fall back! Fall back!","\u266a NCIS: LA 6x13 \u266a Spiral Original Air Date on January 19, 2015","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kensi: How bad is it?","We know about as much as you.","Eric: That's great, 'cause we know nothing. We need everyone up in the... Okay... whew!","Granger: Glad you could make it. Two hours ago, the consulate in Sfax, Tunisia, sent out a critical message that they were under attack-- Jones. NSA found this on Al Tunis Brigade's internal e-mail system, just 30 minutes after the attack.","Eric: We just downloaded this. I haven't had a chance to analyze it yet.","Sam: Who's that security detail protecting? That's Ambassador Nancy Kelly.","Callen: And the officer next to her? Military attach\u00e9 Tom Harris.","Sam: Harris. He's a squared away sailor. Good man. Ambassador Kelly and part of her detail escaped through the back of the compound and returned safely to the embassy in Tunis. Unfortunately, local assets confirmed that two American lives were lost.","Hetty: I'm sorry, Sam. Commander Harris and one of the ambassador's security detail, a Mr. Clayton Waters, did not survive the attack. Any security footage from inside the consulate building?","Eric: That's a negative. They cut the power during the attack.","Granger: We assume that Harris and Waters were shot trying to buy time for the ambassador's escape. That sounds like Harris-- gun, rather than run. Since Attach\u00e9 Harris was Navy, we'll join in the investigation with the FBI. They'll be in the lead.","Eric: I'm conferencing in FBI Agent Brad Reese. He's the ALAP for the U.S. Embassy in Tunis. We're grateful to have your team working with us.","Sam: Any Intel or advance warning that someone was gonna try to assassinate Ambassador Kelly? Negative. The RSO runs a tight ship here. We haven't seen anything that would point to something like this. These images that I'm sending you over right now were found on the dark side of Al Tunis Brigade's Web site in the days prior to the attack.","Callen: Yeah, typical pre-attack surveillance.","Deeks: Establishing patterns for the target. The State Department and the FBI are both working on the assumption that this was an assassination attempt on Ambassador Kelly. If they'd succeeded, this would have been the seventh U.S. ambassador killed by terrorists. Will you be heading back to the consulate to process the scene? No, I'll be heading back to the U.S. for a debrief tonight. State says the area is still too dangerous. Could be weeks before it cools down enough for agents to go in and process the crime scene.","Callen: This has to be done now, or there's not gonna be any evidence! We'll have another Benghazi on our hands. No answers, just conspiracies. Well, the terrorists are in complete control of the area. Which is something I can't allow. Harris was a friend. I can't let this pass without answers. Can we send in military to secure the area? The host government has made it abundantly clear, any large footprint from military or law enforcement will be considered an illegal occupation. What about a small footprint? Navy could get us in there off the books, under the radar. Well, if you can get in, we do have equipment that will make your limited time on target worthwhile.","(sighs heavily)","Kensi: So what's the plan?","Would you see if Harris gave his commanders any Intel on terror threats? Wait. We're not going with you? It's too dangerous for a full team. We're gonna travel light and fast. Besides, if anything goes bad, it's better if it's just us. If anything goes bad, it's better if we're there to help. You guys go visit Harris's commander. Let us know what you find. Come on. Who's gonna have your back? He is. He's got mine. Be safe. See you in a few days. See you.","(knocking on door)","Woman: Captain Beck?","The agents are here to see you. Thank you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Harris was one of the best men Have a seat. Thank you. How can I help you folks? What can you tell us about Commander Harris's activities in Tunisia, prior to the attack? Typical attach\u00e9 work. Hosting dignitaries, meet and greets, formal functions, that sort of thing. He didn't mention anything that would indicate that he was concerned about the ambassador's well-being and safety? No. He would have reported back to me on something like that.","Kensi: Are you aware of anything unusual that may have been going on at the consulate? Like what? Something that may raise the ire of terrorists looking to justify an attack. Nothing can justify what those savages did. That's not what my partner meant. We simply want to figure out why they decided to come after the ambassador now. I have no idea. How often did you communicate with Commander Harris? By phone or e-mail, pretty much weekly. Mostly small talk. When's the last time you saw him? When he was back in the States for a couple of weeks last summer. Has he been back to the U.S. since? No. He was about due for his next R&R. He gets two a year. Okay. Um... I think we're all done here. Thank you very much. And, of course, feel free to call us if you think of anything pertinent.","Kensi: Thanks. Off of the record, with those who think assassinations and car bombs are tools of diplomacy. I want you to find out who did this, and I want you to kill him. Good luck. See you at the exfil. Copy that.","Sam: Government-issued BDUs, night vision goggles. Not your typical Jihadi kit. Yeah, scavenged from the consulate attack.","Eric: We're up and running, guys. You got the feed.","Callen: Eric, keep an eye on these boys. We got you covered.","(speaking local language)","Sam, status. We're headed for the safe room now.","(tapping keys)","Sam: Oh, man.","Eric: What is it, Sam?","Bodies are still in the safe room. They haven't moved 'em. Door hinge is bent. Got to make sure these guys get brought home. They will be. But right now our mission is is to find evidence to bring their killers to justice. Sam. LIDAR ready to scan. Turning LIDAR on. How do we know if it's working?","Callen: Ow. It's working. Unfortunately, we're not gonna be as stealth as we had wanted to be, not with these guys wearing night vision goggles. They'll see the lasers through the windows. We're gonna need more than that. Scanning the northwest corner of the room. Something's up. Look.","Eric: Guys, one of the guards just ran to the front gate to alert the others. Looks like they're headed your way. So much for having two minutes. Almost done. This is my last corner.","Granger: Callen, Sam, you have to get out now. Come on, G, we got to beat feet. Ten more seconds.","Hetty: Pull out, Mr. Callen. The terrorists are out of our field of view.","Hetty: Pull out, Mr. Callen. That's an order. G, we got to roll. Three seconds is all I... Ah!","Nell: Callen? Sam?","(gunfire stops)","Hetty: Mr. Callen?","(static over radio)","Callen: We're out. Heading to the exfil rally point.","They're out. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. We aren't the highest priority at the DoD right now, and satellites in the area are a little overtaxed. Excuses lead to abuses. Owen, please. Oh. There you are. You guys gave me a heart attack. Almost gave you a heart attack? Imagine that. What does not kill us, only... Makes me want to kill you. We got what we needed. That was our assignment. Yeah, let's just hope you got what we needed. I'm uploading the LIDAR data now. Use your wizardry to make it work, Gandalf. FBI's moving their equipment into the gym to help work the case. Coincidentally, while you were waiting for your exfil, several... suspected members of the Al Tunis Brigade boarded an Air France flight to Paris, with a direct connection to Mexico City. You contact FBI and Homeland Security? Yes, and Border Patrol. Now, we'll catch them if they cross through a border cross point. But the problem is they probably won't. They're more likely to try and sneak in. What's up, boys? How's the, uh, honeymoon going? Really? You two want to go there? Oh, no, not us two. Keep me out of this.","Callen: You guys have any luck? Commander Harris's boss, Captain Beck, said that Harris had typical foreign services work, nothing exciting or out of the ordinary. Eric, let me know if you find anything. You know it. Welcome home, Agent Reese. Thank you.","Deeks (southern accent): You buildin' a fort? 3-D evidence printers, capable of reproducing evidence smaller than the naked eye can detect.","Kensi and Deeks: Wow. Can you build me a Stretch Armstrong doll? What? What? Ignore him. Was the data that Callen and Sam collected adequate? Oh, couldn't have been better. Good. Soon, this will all be an exact replica of the U.S. Consulate safe room, down to the most minute detail. And then, after that, you can build me a Stretch Armstrong doll? I'm just kidding. What I really need is, like, a-a Hetty bobblehead doll. Oh, my gosh. Would you stop? What? I'm just saying. We could put it on the dashboard... Hey, guys? Hey. We found something. Captain Beck told you he hadn't seen Commander Harris since he returned home last summer, right? Right. Well, State Department records show that Beck traveled back from a two-week trip to the consulate in Tunisia, just two days prior to the attack. And consulate security logs indicate that he spent most of that time in closed-door meetings with Harris. Why would Beck lie to us about paying a subordinate a visit? Maybe it's not the trip that he's hiding. Maybe it's the subject of those closed-door meetings. Maybe we have to pay Captain Beck another visit.","Woman: I'm sorry, can I help you?","Kensi: No, we do not need help. Thank you. I'm sorry, sir. I don't... Please hold my calls, Ms. Tucker. I have nothing to add to what I've already told you. Captain, you know it's a federal offense to make false statements in a federal investigation. I did not make... Sir, it would behoove you not to compound your prior lack of candor with more lies. We know you lied about the last time you saw Harris.","Deeks: And you so conveniently forgot to mention the fact that you recently visited him in Tunisia. My interactions with my subordinates have nothing to do with your investigations. Besides, it's well above your pay grade. It may be above our pay grade, but it's not above our security clearance.","Kensi: Captain, you knew Harris. He was a good man, and he deserves to be laid to rest properly. And so do his assailants. I'm sorry. I'm afraid I can't tell you anything else. Captain, please... I'd appreciate it if you would just leave my office, please. Sir.","(machine whirring)","Whoa. Is it just me or is this a little freaky? It's weird. Yeah. Tell me about it. No, no. Check it out. What's missing here?","(phone ringing)","Kensi: The hell is he hiding?","Deeks: I don't know.","I know what he's hiding behind. Hey, Callen, you guys back yet? Yeah. Hey, look, we got a problem over here. We're looking at the 3-D recreation. There's no visible entrance or exit wounds. Don't forget we can't see the underside of the bodies. The entrance wound could be underneath them, and there may not be an exit wound.","Sam: Yeah, but there's no signs of blood pooling either, and their body positioning indicates... they died of smoke inhalation. There's no blunt trauma. Either way, we have a very different scenario. Why don't you guys head back. All right. Well, we'll see you in 20 minutes. Callen and Sam think they found something. Blue Chevy Malibu, your 12 o'clock. Holding four guys. Now there's three. One of them is now at your two o'clock with a gray sport coat. You see him? I do. Okay, now we got one guy pulling a briefcase out of the back of that car. Might be private security. Either way, I don't like it. You got my back? Always. Ow. Gun! Federal agents. Stop! Freeze! Freeze!","(engine revs, tires screech)","(tires screeching)","Kensi: Eric, I need you to find a blue Chevy Malibu north on Flower.","Got it, Kens. You okay? Yeah. Better than that guy. Tunisian government negotiated the release of Waters' and Harris's bodies. They're on their way home. Good. Leave no man behind. Guys, Kensi and Deeks were just in a shooting outside Beck's office. Where are they?","Eric: Heading back. They're okay. They took out one of the shooters, still trying to find the rest. What the hell happened? We're... putting the pieces together now. But check it. Going over the video again, we found this. They're carrying RPGs. If you've got rockets and your intent is to kill the ambassador, why would you let her go into a secure building?","Eric: But wait, there's more. Act now and we'll throw in this, compliments of the FBI, taken in Koreatown this morning.","Nell: The Feds have this bank under surveillance because of suspected ties to terror financing. But that's not all. This limited time offer also gets you this guy. That's right. It's the shooter that Kensi and Deeks just killed outside of Beck's office.","Granger: Same guy. I think you just confirmed the bank's ties to terror financing. Now, the angle of their faces in relationship to the camera isn't ideal, but facial recognition gives 60% probability that at least two of the men are the same men from the consulate attack video.","Granger: Get these photos out in a BOLO to all law enforcement in the area with a warning not to approach, just to notify NCIS and FBI if they're spotted. On it. Gentlemen, I've just been informed that Ambassador Kelly would like to see our replica of the consulate crime scene. The ambassador is here in L.A.? Well, she's here for Commander Harris's burial, day after tomorrow, at Los Angeles National Cemetery.","Sam: That's why these guys are in L.A. They're here for another attempt at the ambassador. No bullet holes in the walls, bodies or floor. Really bad shooting. Most of these guys just pray and spray. There's a pretty clear boot print here. Yeah, looks like the breacher has some weight to him; this would be about a size 13. Take a picture, see if Eric and Nell can find something.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Deeks: What's up, gentlemen? You guys good?","Deeks: Peachy. What's the status on the ambassador?","Callen: We alerted her security detail, as well as the local authorities.","Reese: The FBI's all over it as well.","Kensi: Question is, why were those guys at Captain Beck's office? And, uh, was that money for him? Well, he's gotta know something went down, because of the shooting. No, we told him it was drug related, so that should buy us some time.","Kensi: Yeah.","Eric: Oh, man! This is like the world's greatest Lego set. Do you have any idea what I could do with this? Eric, do you have something for us? Oh, yes, sir. I have something that you're going to like very, very much.","Nell: Turns out our evasive Captain Beck has some mysterious contacts. So we did a little backtracking and we located security camera footage of Beck in the parking garage of his Navy office, in the alleyway behind a coffee shop in Beverly Hills... and on the lowest level of a parking garage in Santa Monica.","Eric: We've tracked much of Beck's recent local movements, and he only meets this individual in secluded spots. Hmm. Super Secret Squirrel stuff.","Callen: Go back to the photo in the alley. Can you get in any tighter? Huh. That's CIA. I worked with him in Russia. '97. Went by the name of Otto. Otto? Well, it was in Moscow. I worked with him again, two years later, in Caracas, and he was going by the name Steve. Sounds like the CIA. Would you be able to locate him? I could pull a few strings.","Deeks: Wow. Now I know how Mr. Magoo felt. Who? Magoo. Seriously? \"Oh-ho-ho, Magoo! You've done it again!\" What?!","Deeks: Seriously? Nothing? Whew! Wow. Obviously before your time. My time is your time, so how is that possible, Einstein? Because you don't have an appreciation for vintage animation. And if by that you mean I don't like old cartoons, no, I don't.","Deeks: First off, the word \"cartoon\" is demeaning to the art form. And secondly... (coughs) ...cartoons are cool. Oh, yeah? You think they're cool? Yeah, I think they're rad. How rad do you think they are? I think they're awesome possum. How awesome possum?","Reese: What is this? This? Oh, don't worry about this. It's just adorable partner banter. You're gonna come to love this. No, here.","Deeks: Oh, wow. Looks like you invited him to dinner at your house, because there is human bite marks on that piece of paper.","Kensi: There are also marks that look like writing indentations.","Deeks: Well, let's get Eric to see what it says.","Callen: Partial document in Harris's hand. Looks like one word stands out-- \"Dogleg.\" Sounds like a codename. Let's see if the CIA can shed some light on it. Let me handle this guy. Hey, buddy, how the hell are you? Good. This is my partner, Huggy. Walter. Pleasure to meet you, Huggy. Well, it's been a while. What can I do you for? Well, I got a couple questions I think you might be able to help us with, Wally. Uh, you know I hate, uh, \"Wally,\" Butch. Come on. Yeah. Show some respect, Butch. I'm sor... I'm sorry. It-it slipped my mind. What can you tell us about Dogleg? Nothing. I'm not much of a golfer. Uh-huh.","Callen: I get it. But two good men died in Tunisia and I know you got information that could help us find the killers. Sorry, but you're barking up the wrong flagpole.","Callen: Walter, we got another Benghazi here. Never been to Tunisia. Or Benghazi. Sorry. Is that it? No, that's not it. A friend of mine died while trying to eat a document that referred to Dogleg, so I'd appreciate some genuine cooperation.","Sam: Don't look at him, look at me. I believe he was trying to protect whatever Dogleg is. I want to know what was so important that he was trying to protect it and not himself. I shouldn't tell you anything.","G?","Relax, Hugs. I didn't say I wouldn't, I said I shouldn't. Now, I'm only gonna point you in a direction; the rest is up to you to figure out. DOGLEG is the code name of a top secret black op in Tunisia. I oversaw it for the CIA. Doing what? There's a lot of good undercover people on the ground there. Answer the question. Look, I warned them it'd piss off the natives. Like I said, you want to find out more, you're gonna have to do it on your own, gents. Hey... and keep your heads down. You're just gonna let him walk away? I can't exactly hold him here, Hugs. Where the hell he go? That's why they call 'em spooks. Don't you ever get sick of drinking that stuff? You probably have enough tannins in your system to turn you into a suede handbag. Do you actually have anything on your mind, Assistant Director? Or are you just looking for a kitten to kick? Are you comfortable bringing the ambassador here? I am. Hasn't been the safest place lately. And we still don't know who our mole was working for. Then this should be a good test of our security. So we got nothing on your friend Otto. He, like, disappeared. But we do have this, from the consulate's outer security cameras prior to the attack. I don't see anything. Oh, uh, um... just bear-bear with me. Hold on... Bu-bu-bu-bu... Maybe you should just tell us what it was.","Eric: Uh... y... I-I could, but it would... it's more of like a visual. Things would just... just hang tight. Why don't you text us when you find it? No, no, wait! I got it, I got it, I got it. Ambassador Kelly and Commander Harris. Trouble in paradise?","(phone buzzing)","Maybe Kensi can read her lips.","Sam: It's gonna have to wait. Ambassador's rolling up. Madame Ambassador, right this way. And we'll come in here. This is the 3D render of the crime scene. This is FBI Special Agent Reese...","Reese: Ma'am.","Hetty: ...and LAPD Detective Deeks... Ambassador.","Hetty: ...and NCIS Special Agents Blye... Hi. ...Callen, and Hanna. Ma'am.","Sam: Madam. You're the two who recovered all this evidence? Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Thank you. We'll find justice for them.","Kelly: They died so I could live. No one can ever repay such a debt.","Callen: Ma'am, is it possible we could have a moment of your time? Certainly. How can I be of assistance?","Sam: We have some conflicting hypotheses about the terrorist attack, which we were hoping you could help clarify. You can have a seat here. Thank you. The terrorists had RPGs, yet they didn't use them. No bullet holes in the walls or the bodies. It appears they died of smoke inhalation because the terrorists were trying to smoke 'em out. I don't understand.","Callen: Ma'am, we believe this might have been a kidnapping attempt, not an assassination attempt.","Sam: These are from the terrorists' internal communications. Not all these images are of me. How do you know I was the target?","Callen: She's right. There are five people in all of these images. I've got you, personal assistant Lois, Harris, your driver, and the head of your security detail, Ray. You ready? Go.","Callen: Harris, you, Lois, driver. Ray, Harris, you, Lois. Harris, Ray. You, Lois, Harris. Ray, you, Harris. Harris, Driver, Ray. What do we got, Sam? Harris is the common denominator. He's in all of these images. Meaning the terrorists were trying to kidnap Harris. Not you. Do you have any idea why? No. But you might. If I had to guess, I would say that that argument is about Dogleg. Am I right? I was arguing with Harris about the Dogleg op he was running out of the consulate.","Sam: We need to know everything about this op. It involves dozens of covert operatives throughout Tunisia. The kind of risky op that, if it goes south, it's a career-ender. This op ended lives. So careers are not high priority for us right now. Who else was involved with Dogleg? That's what I was mad at Harris about. I wanted to know what other American personnel were involved. I'm the ambassador. I'm responsible for every American in that country. We appreciate that, ma'am. But can you give us the identity of anyone else involved? Harris would not identify any of the operatives in Tunisia, which is what got me so upset. He kept telling me I'd be safer if I didn't know. What about outside of Tunisia? Do you know anyone that was involved that wasn't in Tunisia? Only Harris's boss. Captain Beck. I believe he was in charge of it. What is it? Your security detail may be protecting the wrong person. If the terrorists were after Harris in Tunisia and that failed... They're probably in L.A. to get Captain Beck. Not you, Ambassador. Eric, get Kensi and Deeks over to Captain Beck's house immediately. Let's hope Beck is smart enough to talk now. Deeks? That's not good. Kens? Yup. Anything? Nothing. Clear signs of forced entry on the front door. Same as the back.","(line ringing)","Wow, looks like your house after you clean it. Thank you. Go for Beale. Eric, looks like Beck was abducted. See if you can find any footage in the area that'll give us a direction of travel. Got it. Come here. You know if Beck talks, he's gonna compromise the safety of a dozen U.S. operatives overseas. Look familiar? Yeah, it looks like the same size and tread as the boot we found at the consulate. Yup. Eric, I'm sending you a picture right now. Compare it to the bootprint that we found at the consulate replica. Got it. I'll start scouring databases. Thank you. Hey, you were right. Bootprints were a match. Ah, great! So, we're looking for a guy in boots. Just to clarify-- we can eliminate anybody wearing flip flops or clogs? Mockery aside-- you're right. The boots were a very common brand name so they weren't much help on their own.","Deeks: Well, Mockery is my middle name. When we combine the boot brand, the foot size, the satellite images of the consulate aftermath, the terrorist videos and our own files from the Al Tunis Brigade... Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you the Cinderella for our glass boot-- Tunisia's own Munir Al Zarzi.","Callen: I assume from his nom de guerre that he's from Zarzis? Coastal town in Tunisia? Yes. He was captured in Afghanistan in 2002. He did seven years in Gitmo and was released in 2010. He's not your typical weekend warrior. He's a true believer. A hardcore Jihadist.","Nell: He also oversaw the beheading of 19 of his captives. Lovely.","Eric: We did a Kaleidoscope search for Munir Al Zarzi in the vicinity of the bank from the FBI surveillance video, and found this.","Nell: This was a traffic camera in Koreatown, less than a mile from the bank.","Eric: We then tracked his car to a compound in Hancock Park. Best guess-- he's still there.","Callen: We're going tactical now. Tell Hetty. Alert Agent Reese, and have the FBI SWAT team spun up. Will do. Got it. Alpha Team will approach the main gate on the north side. They'll be entering a fatal funnel if they go through that front gate. Terrorists will be expecting that. Exactly. That's why we need Alpha Team to make their presence known outside the gate. We, Bravo Team, will approach the south wall, Charlie Team will secure a third breach point to the west. Do we have any Intel on exactly where the hostage is being held? Negative, but we're fairly certain Captain Beck's being tortured for information. Timing is everything! Everybody moves on our command! Reece here. Alpha Team is in position. Kensi, Deeks, you ready? Affirmative. Charlie Team is waiting on your green light. Charlie Team, hold. Bravo, hold. Alpha? On my count. Three, two, one. Execute! Execute! Execute!","(men yelling)","Bravo Team coming in.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Drop your weapons. Okay, okay. Secure!","Reese: On your knees!","Sam: Alpha Team, secure the terrorists.","Callen: Got this, Reece? Got it. Go! Go! Charlie Team, Execute! Execute! Execute! Go. Go! Go! Okay, yeah.","(grunts)","(man yells)","You're welcome. Take it that's not a surrender? You are so very wrong! This will never come to an end! We are only just... Aah! Yeah, I thought about hitting an eight, but then I decided just to, you know, choke down to seven iron. Bet you're happy to see us now, Captain Beck? I didn't tell them anything. I didn't say a word. We know. Could tell by your face you kept your mouth shut. Good job, Captain. Agent Reese and his team are leaving now. I just wanted to thank you guys for everything. It's our pleasure. Hey. We're happy we could help. Yeah.","Deeks: Hey, about that, uh, 3D printer of yours... Already packed up and out of your hair. Great, so that means I'm not gonna get a Stretch Armstrong or a Hetty bobble head doll? What's wrong with you? Hmm? He's a bobble head. Yeah, he's more like a Ch-Ch-Chia pet.","(Nell clears her throat)","Guys... It's okay. I'm not sure how, but this? This works.","Callen: Yeah, well, we're all just kind of one big happy, slightly dysfunctional family. Yeah. Good night, Callen. Good night, Kensi. Good night, Nay-Nay. Good night, John Boy.","Sam: Shut up, Deeks."],"Show Title":"NCIS Los Angeles","Episode Number":"06x13","Episode Title":"In the Line of Duty","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"New_Girl_01x01.json","Recap":["Jessica \"Jess\" Day ( Zooey Deschanel ) comes home to find her partner cheating on her with another woman. Heartbroken over it, she splits up with him and moves into a loft apartment with three young single men, Schmidt ( Max Greenfield ), Nick ( Jake Johnson ) and Coach ( Damon Wayans, Jr. ) - whom she meets though an Internet ad. The guys try their best to get her out of the apartment and back into the dating life with the help of Jess' best friend Cece ( Hannah Simone ). They end up with more than they expect when they find themselves truly caring for her as a friend."],"Transcript":["SCENE: The apartment, a close up of Jess, sat on a sofa facing Nick, Schmidt and Coach.","JESS: So, you know in horror movies when the girl's like \"Oh my god, there's something in the basement. Let me just run down there in my underwear and see what's going on in the dark\", and you're like \"what is your problem? Call the police\", and she's like \"okay\" but it's too late because she's already getting murdered. Well, er, my story's kind of like that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","FLASHBACK - \"Two Weeks Ago\" - Jess is in a taxi, on the phone to Cece, her best friend.","JESS: It's a surprise for Spencer. I'm just gonna walk in and I'm gonna drop my coat on the ground. He says he had this fantasy that I'm a stripper with a heart of gold, and he's helping me put myself through college.","CECE: He didn't say the college part, did he?","JESS: Um, no, I wanted to create a three-dimensional s*x character.","CECE: Really? What's your stripper name?","JESS: Uh... Rebecca Johnson?","CECE: Your stripper name's Rebecca Johnson?","JESS: Boobies Johnson. Two-boobs Johnson.","CECE: Look at you, in the back of a cab, totally naked. I am so proud of you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Spencer's House - Jess enters through the front door, wearing nothing but a coat.","JESS: Hellooo? I came home early.","SPENCER: (Steps out of a room, surprised, wearing nothing but his underwear.) Jess. What-","JESS: Who's Jess? You're talking to...Tiger Boobs. (Jess takes off her coat and drops it on the ground, now completely naked.)","SPENCER: Oh...","JESS: (Jess picks up a pillow, covers herself and starts dancing seductively a bit and sings a little stripper tune.) (Singing) I'm doing sexy things (starts trotting to the side) with the pillow.","SPENCER: This-","JESS: (While shaking a plant, singing) I''m doing sexy stuff to the plant right here... (The plant falls over, making a mess.)","SPENCER: Woah, okay.","JESS: (Singing) I'll pick that up later.","JESS: (Turns around, singing) Who's that girl? (Louder) Who's that girl? (Spins back around) It's Jess!","(Another girl stands by Spencer in her underwear)","SPENCER: Um...","(Jess stands and stares in absolute shock.)","Close up of a ribbon dropping to the floor that was previously covering Jess' lady parts.","Flashback End.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Back in the apartment.","JESS: So, that happened. That's why I need a new apartment. I'm sorry, what was the question again?","(We now see Nick, Schmidt and Coach sat opposite Jess on the other sofa. They're all staring at her, speechless.)","NICK: Do you have any pets?","[SCENE_BREAK]","OPENING CREDITS","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Everyone remains where they were before the opening credit.","JESS: You know what's funny? When I saw your ad on Craigslist, I thought you were women.","SCHMIDT: (Nick, Schmidt and Coach laugh and joke a bit, Schmidt suddenly turns serious) Why would you think that? That's crazy. I mean, what-","NICK: Schmidt wrote the ad.","JESS: Oh. I guess it was something about the words you used. It was like, er, like \"sun-soaked\" and \"beigey\".","NICK: (Nick and Coach laugh more, Schmidt takes off his top) What are you doing?","COACH: Wow.","SCHMIDT: What about these? These look beigey to you?","NICK: I'm sorry.","COACH: I'm his trainer so, er, it's kind of the house that coach built right here. (Coach slaps Schmidt's abs and rubs them a bit)","NICK: What are we looking at here? That's baby smooth.","SCHMIDT: This is LLS. Ladies Love Schmidt.","COACH: What!? What did you just say? Go put a dollar in the jar right now. (There is a jar sat on a table with the label \"DOUCHEBAG JAR\")","SCHMIDT: Are you serious?","COACH: Yeah! Now.","SCHMIDT: Dammit. (He gets up and walks out of shot, putting a dollar in the douchebag jar on his way)","NICK: LLS, what is wrong with you?","JESS: (Now standing) This place is beautiful. It gets so much light. Spencer hated light. It's hard to say his name.","SCHMIDT: It's okay. Nick knows. He got dumped.","NICK: (Sniggering) Dumped. Yeah, I got dumped.","[SCENE_BREAK]","FLASHBACK - A restaurant, Nick and his ex-girlfriend, Caroline are sat at a table.","NICK: (With hands over his hears, shouting over Caroline) I can't hear you, that means we're not breaking up! We can't break up if I can't hear you! No! La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!","CAROLINE: (While Nick is shouting) I need a break. Yes, we're breaking up. I'm breaking up with you. I need some time away-","[SCENE_BREAK]","END FLASHBACK - Back in the apartment","NICK: Yeah, I got dumped. She dumped. And I'm over it. Okay, it was six months ago, guys. Get past it. I don't even know why we're still talking about it. Why's everybody looking at me? (He puts his head in his hands. Suddenly Nick, Schmidt and Coach approach Jess, who is in the kitchen now, they stand on the opposite side of a counter)","JESS: You know what, I want to live here.","NICK: Actually, I still have some questions. I mean, like, no offence but we barely know ya.","JESS: Yeah, okay, yeah. So, um, full disclosure, I'm kind of emotional right now 'cause of the break-up so I'll probably be watching Dirty Dancing at least 6 or 7 times... a day.","(Coach shakes his head slightly, looks and is disgusted)","JESS: Um, I'm a teacher so I bring home a lot of popsicle sticks, stuff like that. Also, I like to sing to myself - a lot. (Singing) A lot... I'm tired of living with my friend. She's a model. All her friends are models.","SCHMIDT: (Excited) Er, how soon can you move in?","NICK: Actually, Schmidt, slow down.","COACH: Not happening.","SCHMIDT: Okay, um, can you give us a second? I've just gotta.. (Thumping his chest) I gotta talk to my boys.","NICK: \"My boys\" is not a thing in here.","SCHMIDT: My bros.","NICK: Okay, Douchebag Jar.","SCHMIDT: Come on, you're my bros.","[SCENE_BREAK]","TIME JUMP - The apartment - Nick, Schmidt and Coach are in the bathroom talking.","SCHMIDT: I'm gonna say yes. Her friends are models. Okay, you guys? Models.","COACH: I say no. I need to be able to come home from work, sit on my couch, and let my beans out. Let 'em breathe.","SCHMIDT: Nick, it's all you, buddy.","NICK: Well, first, let me say I think you guys make some really interesting points. Points that I respect, but I will say this. I have lived with a woman, Caroline, as you guys know, and so I know that there are pros and I know that there are real cons, guys.","COACH: Nick, you're weak!","NICK: Okay, Pros: they smell nice. Cons: every once in a while, the mood changes and you're not sure why. They'll ruin your life if you let 'em, they'll break down your will to live. Pros: they're really good at folding.","COACH: Make a decision!","NICK: I'm sorry, you know what? But, like, another pro, like when you-","SCHMIDT: Don't do it, put it down.","Coach: Don't.","NICK: I got it. (Puts a hood on and slowly pulls it over his face)","SCHMIDT: Don't hood me. Please don't hood me. Okay.","NICK: I know what I'm talking about.","COACH: We pushed him too hard.","SCHMIDT: We did push him too hard. How about this? Executive decision, she's in.","JESS: (Out of shot) Yay, I'm in! (Schmidt walks over and opens the bathroom door. Jess is stood there.)","JESS: You are not gonna regret this.","[SCENE_BREAK]","TIME JUMP - The apartment - Jess sits alone on the floor watching Dirty Dancing, crying her eyes out, she is surrounded by used tissues and wrappers. Nick, Schmidt and Coach stare from a difference.","NICK: What have you done, Schmidt? (Coach stares at Schmidt, who shrugs like whaaat?)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: The apartment - Jess lies on a sofa watching Dirty Dancing, it's still quite messy around her, she's on the phone to her mother.","JESS: I gotta go, mom. No, I'm not watching Dirty Dancing. (Nick enters.)","JESS: No, I don't think so. (To Nick) Hey, are you gonna murder me 'cause you're a stranger I met on the internet?","NICK: Yes, I am.","JESS: He says no.","(Schmidt and Coach enter, they've been working out.)","JESS: No, look, I gotta go, okay? Alright, love you. Bye.","SCHMIDT: So the Wild West party's on Saturday. I'm trying to get us in but you may need to call Caroline.","NICK: (Quickly) I'm not calling Caroline.","SCHMIDT: Hear me out.","(Nick shushes Schmidt and puts his hand on Schmidt's mouth.)","JESS: (Singing along with Dirty Dancing) ... had the time of my life.","NICK: (Pointing at Jess) We are in this situation because of you.","JESS: (Jess begins punching the sofa\/pillows in the background) I hate your face, Spencer, I love you!","NICK: It has been a week of this madness. I am going crazy, Schmidt, I can't take it.","COACH: You know what? I got this. (He walks over to Jess and sits on the coffee table opposite her)","JESS: Hi, Coach.","COACH: (Firmly) Stop it. Stop!","(Jess starts wailing even louder than before)","COACH: Schmidt!","SCHMIDT: Okay. Alright. I got us into this, I'm gonna get us out. Jess, I'm gonna take the remote. (TV turning off sound) Alright. Alright, hey, Jess. (Jess just points at the TV) How you doing? (Jess shrugs like 'put the tv back on') You look fantastic. Listen, what if you came out with us tonight? You know after work. You know, we'll fix you up, we'll take you out. We'll get you a rebound.","JESS: A rebound?","SCHMIDT: Yeah.","JESS: I don't know if I'm ready.","SCHMIDT: You're totally ready for it, I'll take you through the whole thing. You know, I'll be like your guide!","JESS: Like Gandalf through Middle-earth?","SCHMIDT: Probably not like...okay, first of all, let's take the Lord of the Rings references, let's put 'em in a deep, dark cave, okay, where no one's gonna find them, ever.","JESS: Except Smeagol, (whispering) he lives in a cave.","SCHMIDT: You know what, Jess? Come on. Let's just take the head off the couch. Come on. Sit up, girl. (Jess sits up straight) Look at that, doesn't that feel good? There we go.","JESS: I think that sounds nice. (Singing) She's going out to find a rebound. Who's that girl? It's Jess!","NICK: Wait, did you just make up a theme song for yourself?","SCHMIDT: (After some hesitation) I'm a...I'm a fix it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Schmidt dressed in a suit is chasing Nick down the corridor of the apartment.","NICK: I'm not calling my ex-girlfriend to get you into a party. (Nick is walking down the corridor with a towel over his shoulder Schmidt following behind.)","SCHMIDT: This party is everything to me, please Nick. We go every year, you have no idea what I'm going through at work.","[SCENE_BREAK]","FLASHBACK - Schmidt in a meeting room, addressing a table of women.","SCHMIDT: (Shouting over the noise of protesting women) I am just trying to do my work. I'm just trying to do a good job, here.","WOMAN: Nice tie, can I borrow a tampon? (Teasingly, laughter in the background.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","FLASHBACK END - Schmidt shudders at the memory. Nick and Schmidt are in the bathroom, whilst Jess is in the shower.","NICK: Schmidt, I'm not calling her.","SCHMIDT: Listen to me, knowing every year that I will be going to the Waa Waa West Charity Auction for poverty reminds me that I'm still a man, and I can still motorboat a hot girl who is also a member of the Chiriqu\u00ed nation, which is not racist because it is for a good cause.","JESS: (From inside the shower) Somebody's in here.","SCHMIDT: We're leaving in ten minutes, did you shave your legs?","JESS: I will now.","SCHMIDT: Front and backs?","JESS: Yes.","SCHMIDT: Thank you.","NICK: (Quietly) Ok, I'm gonna kill myself now.","SCHMIDT: Just call Caroline, you call her all the time when you're drunk.","NICK: (Feigning innocence) I don't know to what you are referring.","[SCENE_BREAK]","FLASHBACK - A drunk Nick is on the sofa with a beer on the phone, leaving a drunken voicemail on her phone","NICK: (In a very bad British accent, swigging beer) Hello, Caroline. I still love you, so much. (Starts to sob) So, much. (Puts his head in his hands.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","FLASHBACK END - In the bathroom","NICK: I'm not calling her.","JESS: (Pulls back shower curtain and gets out, wearing a bright pink swimsuit) Schmidt, I know you really want to go to this party, but wouldn't it be better to find a girl who you really care about to motorboat, then maybe if you're super lucky, you find a girl who'll motorboat you right back.","NICK: (Smirking) I don't think she knows what motorboating is.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Jess's bedroom - with the door open. Jess is wearing a blue robe, whilst staring at her clothe- scattered bed, deciding what to wear.","SCHMIDT: (From another room) Jess, we are leaving in five.","COACH: (Walks in to the room with a basketball) Hey.","JESS: (Holding a curling iron in her hair, turns around) Hey Coach, wha--","COACH: (Smashes an ornament with his basketball) Sorry. Uh, my boss says that I don't know how to talk to women, which is ridiculous...","[SCENE_BREAK]","FLASHBACK - Coach in a gym, with a women who is on an exercise bike, she is upset because he is shouting at her.","COACH: SPIN WOMAN, SPIN! AHHHHHHH!","WOMAN: I'm spinning! You are so mean! (Sobbing)","COACH: I'M NOT MEAN, I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU! I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU!","[SCENE_BREAK]","FLASHBACK END - Back in Jess's room","COACH: So I was wondering if you could, uh, help me out with that.","JESS: Sure, sure. Absolutely. (Sits down on the edge of her bed) Um, well, first of all, maybe think about what women like to talk about, you know, like, use me for practice.","COACH: Alright, uh, um, (clears throat) shopping, is that fun for you guys?","JESS: Yeah, shopping's fun. Uh, the other day I bought a pair of jeggings, they look like jeans but they're really leggings.","COACH: Uh, uh, you-, I-. Who cares!? Sorry.","JESS: (Nods) Uhm, good job. Uh, a couple of things you could work on, uh 1. Lowering your voice.","COACH: Right on.","JESS: Uhm, 2. Listening. (Her hair begins to smoke) 3. Rage. (Smokes a bit more.)","COACH: Absolutely.","JESS: Uhm, 4.--","COACH: Your hair is on fire. (She frowns at him and then glances to the side.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: In the bar, where Nick works as a bartender. He is serving the gang drink whilst they are at a table.","NICK: Beers, and a rose.","JESS: Pink wines makes me, slutty. (A 'cute' guy walks by)","JESS: Woah, cute guy alert. (does silly stuff with her glasses whilst making noises whilst Schmidt shakes his head and Coach and Nick glance at each other)","SCHMIDT: Okay, Jess, gametime. Let's do this. If you wanna forget about Spencer (she nods) you're gonna have to do some very very bad things, (points) with that man, right over there.","JESS: (glances to look at the man) How bad?","SCHMIDT: Real bad, Jess. Real bad.","JESS: Like a, make-out sess, no tops?","SCHMIDT: (Losing the will) Okay, this is what- this is what's gonna happen. You're gonna go over there and you're gonna stand next to him and you're gonna smile. (she smiles a little creepily) But, you're not gonna smile like that. (Pulls a weird kind of rabbit\/chipmunk smile) That looks like a, hungry badger. Pulls the same face but tries to smile as well)","COACH: Stop that.","JESS: Okay, I got this, I got this.","SCHMIDT: You got this. You got it. Just go make it out.","COACH: Get 'em up! Ride 'em out! Go do it. Ride 'em out! Huhah! (they both stand watching as she walks up to the man)","JESS: (Walks up to the side of him, pulls a pose with her hands on her hips and leans over) Hey, sailor. (He glances at her, and then looks back away)","COACH: Oh. Alright.","SCHMIDT: Alright.","COACH: That's okay. Maybe he didn't hear that.","SCHMIDT: You can come back from that.","COACH: Maybe he didn't hear that.","SCHMIDT: It's all good.","BENJAMIN: (Noticing it was Schmidt) HOLY SCHMIDT, IT'S SCHMIDT! (Walks towards Schmidt)","SCHMIDT: Oh, it is all about the Benjamin! Wassup?! (Share a man hug) Alright, P-Funk, what's up dude? This is Coach.","BENJAMIN: What's up Coach? (Falters when Coach doesn't reply) You like parties?","COACH: Don't talk to me. (Walks away)","BENJAMIN: Yeah, okay.","SCHMIDT: You know who likes to party hard, right?","BENJAMIN: Yeah, so you coming on Saturday, I here there's gonna be some fine ladies there?","SCHMIDT: Uh, maybe, yeah. I heard it's not gonna be that good this year. No?","BENJAMIN: Are you not on the list?","SCHMIDT: Man, I'm on the list, you know that.","BENJAMIN: Ohhh. That sucks man. Keep your head up, alright?","SCHMIDT: Alright, player. Do your thing man, it was good seeing you. Alright, man, P-Funk, always. (Walks over to the bar where, Coach, Nick and Jess are) Nick, please.","NICK: (Leaning over the bar) Why are you friends with those guys?","SCHMIDT: Nick, please get me in the party, I'm begging you, please.","NICK: No, I'm not calling Caroline.","SCHMIDT: Do you know what a cute cowboy I am? Do you have any idea? (Coach gets up and leaves)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: At the bar, Jess is sitting, eating a meal with a glass of wine, talking to Nick who is working at the bar.","JESS: Well, I guess I can't hide my crazy.","NICK: I don't think you're trying that hard.","JESS: Well, I've never been, great at this stuff, so... (bites on a celery stick)","[SCENE_BREAK]","FLASHBACK - At someone's home, young Jess is sitting on a chair playing her guitar and singing to a small group of people at a party.","JESS: (Singing) What if God was one of us?","BOY: God, make it stop! (Puts his hands over his ears)","JESS: (Singing) Just a slob like one of us?","[SCENE_BREAK]","END OF FLASHBACK - At the bar, with Nick and Jess","JESS: Looks at us, couple of losers, we both got dumped, jeesh.","NICK: (Shaking his head) I'm fine. Six months ago so...","JESS: Do you know why she dumped you? I mean she must've hurt you pretty bad..","NICK: No, no, it made no difference to me, I just wanted to set her trash cans on fire.","JESS: So are you always just like wondering, like, what was it, was there something I could've done differently? (he shakes his head) Do you know what happens to people who keep it all inside? They get old, and they get sad and they get weird and then you're the old man yelling at the kids who are running across your yard and you're telling them 'Don't run across my yard, my life's full of regret'. You know, you can't just pretend like it didn't happen.","NICK: Or I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.","JESS: Yeah, I think you should sing all the time.","NICK: No, I was being mean, I'm not gonna do that, Jess.","JESS: Why not?! It's fun!","NICK: Because I have a pen1s, Jess.","JESS: (Singing in an old man's voice) My name is Nick, I have a pen1s and I'm not gonna let any feelings out.","NICK: (Leaning forward) Okay Jess, your left boob is resting on a plate of chicken wings.","JESS: Yeah, I know.","PETER: (P-FUNK) Hey, I'm Peter. What are you drinking?","JESS: Oh, I'll have another pink wine. (Nick begins to walk away, taking out his phone)","PETER: I like your glasses,","JESS: They help me see.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: At a table, Jess and Peter are chatting and laughing, being observed by Schmidt and Coach.","COACH: She's doing alright.","BENJAMIN: (Walking up to Schmidt and Coach) Schmidt stain! Hey man. I was thinking that it's probably best that you don't come to the party, that means more breast for me. (Laughs)","SCHMIDT: (Standing up) You better step down son, you're taking this whole thing too far. Hold me back Coach, I'm seri-. Hold me back. Hold me back! Coach, would you please hold me back.","NICK: (Walking up to him from the other side of the bar) Schmidt, we're going to the party, relax.","BENJAMIN: Nice, see you there Schmidtty! (Walks away)","SCHMIDT: Ah, totally, Broseph.","NICK: Yeah I texted Caroline.","COACH: You text Caroline?","NICK: (Nods) It's no big deal, it's behind me. It's in the past so..","SCHMIDT: Thank you, I love you, (hugs him) very, very much.","NICK: Yeah...Did you just kiss my arm a little?","SCHMIDT: Yeah I did, it felt right.","PETER: (Walking with Jess) So I'll see you tomorrow, sailor. (Walks away)","JESS: Yeah, cool. I'll call--, cool.","NICK: So what's happening tomorrow, sailor?","JESS: You know what, you guys were totally right. I talked in short sentences, I didn't sing, I laughed, I smiled, I said I needed rebound s*x and it totally worked. He asked me out. Dinner, with food. Oooh oooh.","SCHMIDT: I'm so proud of you. (Hugs her)","COACH: You got it girl.","SCHMIDT: You did good.","COACH: You got it down. (High fives her)","JESS: (With her hands in the air) It's Jess, she's on (sings) fiiiirrreee! (Backs away at the same time, starts dancing and all the guys groan because as she turns, they notice her top is tucked in her panties)","COACH: Big ass panties.","NICK: Alright, shall we tell her?","SCHMIDT: I'll think we'll let her have her moment.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: At the apartment, Cece is sitting on the couch in a low cut dress, with all the guys staring at her, whilst she waits for Jess.","CECE: Do the shoes fit , Jess?","JESS: (Hears a thump) I'm okay!","COACH: What are you, a model or something?","CECE: Yeah. Yes. Mostly print right now... so.","SCHMIDT: What is it? Cece? Cecelia? Chechelia? Tell me what are your hopes and dreams? Are you warm? I'm a little, huh, I'm a little warm right now. (Begins to take off his t-shirt)","NICK: Don't, Schmidt.","COACH: All right.","SCHMIDT: (Finishes taking off his shirt) Oh yeah. There it is. (Breathes deeply an flexes)","CECE: (Unfazed) Please put your shirt back on. Please don't make me laugh at you.","SCHMIDT: Can I hit you up with some tea? A little herb tea? Ahhh. Oh my God. How good is that, for real, whaat? A little Peaman tea? Yum, right? Hot, sweet, a little teabag action. And I wasn't, I wasn't talking about...","NICK: (Reaching over to grab the douchebag jar) There it is. Douchebag.","CECE: Listen to me you guys, Jess is by far the best person that I know, so if you guys let anything happen to her, I'm gonna come here, and crazy murder you.","SCHMIDT: I'm gonna be honest with you. I did not hear a word you just said 'cause I can kinda see your party hats right now.","NICK: (Reaching over for the jar again) Here we go.","CECE: Jess! (Gets up and walks off)","NICK: (Schmidt deposits another dollar into the douchebag jar) Why are you talking like this?","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Opening Jess' door, Cece sees Jess, sprawled on the floor.","JESS: I fell off my heels.","CECE: Okay. Alright. No. Come on. (Kneels to pull Jess up) Get up.","JESS: Oh, what am I doing? I can't go on a date, what if it's horrible, what if I have nothing to talk about?","CECE: Then you go to the bathroom and you call me and you tell me all about it.","JESS: Maybe I just shouldn't go.","CECE: Babe, you got hurt, that doesn't mean you stop trying. Okay?","JESS: (Mumbles something and nods)","CECE: Okay. Let's go, come on. (Both stand up and look at what she's wearing) You gotta take off those overalls.","JESS: I was going for, like a, like a hot farmer's daughter kinda thing, you know like. (Puts on a voice) Oh, I'm to go milk my cows, with my bucket.","CECE: Take 'em off.","JESS: Okay, what am I going to wear?","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: All the guys are sitting doing things when Cece walks out in Jess's overalls with a proud smile on her face. Nick looks up and Cece motions for Jess to appear.","COACH: (Jess walks out and gets Coach and Schmidt's attention.) Wow!","JESS: (Nick smiles, Jess smiles) Thanks, Coach. (Then she starts doing a rave dance with rave music.)","SCHMIDT: And then she does that.","JESS: I'm gonna text him, tell him I'm heading over.","NICK: Wait, have you been texting him?","JESS: Yeah, is that bad?","NICK: (Pauses and shakes his head) No. (Smiles slightly) It's nice. Have a good night.","JESS: This gonna be great.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: At a very A-List club, there is really loud music and a large que of people outside, waiting to get in.","SCHMIDT: Coach, you don't look anything like an Indian.","COACH: Look man, I got your back, you gotta have mine too.","NICK: Coach, I got your back.","COACH: No, Nick. I wanna hear it from him.","SCHMIDT: Coach, what sort of Indian wears bike shorts.","NICK: S'cuse me, is er, Caroline, I'm looking for Caroline, we're supposed to be on some list?","CAROLINE: Hey, Nick. (Waves)","NICK: Sorry, I'm wearing this stupid thing. Schmidt made me do it. Thank you so much for getting us in.","CAROLINE: Yeah, no problem. Um, maybe to pay me back you can stop prank calling me.","NICK: What?","CAROLINE: Uh, (puts on some kind of accent pretending to be Nick's voicemail) Hello Caroline, I still loves you I do.","NICK: Yeah, you gotta figure that out, some crazy person's calling you. You look nice, it's good to see you.","CAROLINE: Um, I think I'm almost finished out here if you, do you wanna go, grab a drink?","NICK: Yeah.","CAROLINE: Yeah?","NICK: Sure, yeah let's, you and I just get a drink.","CAROLINE: Let's get a drink.","NICK: Let's be normal about it.","CAROLINE: Okay.","NICK: Actually, hold on, I'm sorry. I just, I have to ask you something so that, one day, I'm not an old man filled with regret, but why did you dump me?","CAROLINE: Um, do, okay, are we doing this here, like now?","NICK: (Sighs) Yeah, why did you dump me?","CAROLINE: Um. Honestly I, I didn't even realize that you cared about me until we broke up.","NICK: Okay. Let's get that drink.","BENJAMIN: (In a western accent) Get along little doggy. Well howdy there, muchachos.","NICK: (Walking over notices Peter) Hey, where's Jess?","PETER: Oh, dude, she texted me like seven times. Like long ones. I just wanna hook up.","NICK: So's she waiting for you to show up, or did you call her?","PETER: Yeah, that's what I did, I called her. (Laughs with Benjamin)","BENJAMIN: See you inside, Schmidt.","CAROLINE: Nick, you wanna get that drink?","NICK: No, I gotta go help a friend, Caroline. (Starts walking away with Coach.)","SCHMIDT: (Holding up his hands in front of them) Nonononononono, guys, this is the party of the year, guys this is our night, this is our night!","COACH: (They keep walking) I'm going with Nick, man, you coming?","SCHMIDT: I thought you guys were my boys?","NICK: You're boys is not a thing, Schmidt, stop. (starts running) We're coming Jess!","SCHMIDT: (Stands there mulling it over. Sees a 'hot' Indian dressed girl waving and jumping up and down, with big boobs. Bites his knuckle, thinking about it) Uhh. (runs after them)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: In the restaurant, Jess is waiting to meet Peter for her date, a waitress approaches.","JESS: Do you have anything, else that is, free, but also has bread in it, because the, the like good bread I ate and uh, all that's left is a, it's like a, it's kind of like a health bread?","WAITRESS: I'm sorry. We're gonna have to ask you to give up the table.","JESS: Um, can I please just stay, just a little bit longer?","NICK: WE'RE HERE! (Running in with the guys) Yup, we're here, Jess! We're here.","SCHMIDT: We're here for the date, the date thing.","WAITRESS: (Shocked) You're all here, for the date?","NICK: Yeah we are. We're her boyfriends. We are reversed mormons, one man just isn't enough for her.","WAITRESS: Ohhkay. (Walks away)","NICK: Hey, Jess, that guys was a jerk, he's a clown.","JESS: (Getting all emotional) You guys missed your party to come here and, to see me?","NICK: Yeah, we uh, we care about you. We like you.","JESS:That's so nice. (Sniffles)","COACH: What is that?","NICK: Don't start crying.","COACH: Come on.","JESS: (Crying) It's cool. It's very very cool.","NICK: Come on, Jess, come on.","COACH: Stop it!","NICK: Coach, shut up. It's okay, hey, don't cry. (Singing, badly) For I've had the time of my life. (Jess looks up)","COACH: What is he doing?","NICK: And I've never felt this way before. Yes it's true. Na na na na na, and it's (hits Coach so he starts to sing\/mumble) something something something, something something.","COACH: There's bears, in my house and it goes like this.","NICK: (Over Coach) And it's the something that you really really have.","SCHMIDT: I'm not uh, I'm not doing any of this. (Nick hits him and he starts singing whilst the others mumble in the background) Just remember, you're the one thing, I can't get enough of.","(They stop briefly and she laughs, they keep mumble singing random words getting louder, and then sing the chorus really badly.)","All of them, including Jess: I've had the time of my life, and I owe it all to you.","NICK: What time is it!!??","ALL OF THEM: I've had the time of my life-","WAITRESS: [Walks up to them] Hey, you have to leave now, all of you!","(They walk out singing really loudly, Jess grinning from ear to ear)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: The gang is on the sofa, watching the end of Dirty Dancing.","NICK: You're right Jess, this movie's pretty good.","JESS: Seriously, thank you guys for tonight, that was really cool.","SCHMIDT: Listen Jess, I know you've had a rough go with it, I just want you to know, that, I mean for me at least, no matter what, I would still totally do you.","JESS: Aww, that's so sweet.","SCHMIDT: Yeah, absolutely.","JESS: Jar!","SCHMIDT: Yeah.","NICK: Yeah, jar."],"Show Title":"New Girl","Episode Number":"01x01","Episode Title":"Pilot","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Nowhere_Boys_03x13.json","Recap":["People are disappearing and all is not right with Nicco's sister, Kayla. Realising she has part of the Demon inside, the gang trek to the forest to fight the Demon while it's incomplete. But Luke's parents have disappeared and he can't control his power. Will he get it together in time?"],"Transcript":["Jesse: Welcome to Bremin High, Luke.","Jesse: It's like everyone's just... Disappeared. I saw someone! Ben? Hi, guys. We got shifted out of our reality into an alternate reality. Come on, hurry up.","Heath: What is that?!","(GROWLING AND HISSING)","Please don't make me go back. There's only room for one Ben in every universe, and this one is mine. Empty World, Good Ben. Our world, Bad Ben.","Ben: The Atridax appeared in this world after we came back from the Empty World, which is when you had those marks on your backs, right?","Ellen: Little is known for certain of the ancient Atridax, often referred to as the Four Pillars of evil.","(SIRENS WAIL)","Did we do that? Tell me what's going on here? You wouldn't understand.","Nicco: Kayla! What is that? Kayla?! She's gonna give the egg to the other me.","Nicco: She's back! Ben, don't! I'm guessing that is not a good sign.","[THEME MUSIC]","We can stop this, right? I couldn't last time.","Jesse: In the Empty World, you were on your own. You're not in this one. For now. Hey, you've got us.","(CAR APPROACHES)","Heath: Uh-oh. Mama Bear, 10 o'clock.","(CAR DOOR CLOSE)","Oh! Luke! I've been looking everywhere for you. Get in the car. Mum... Not up for a discussion. I don't want to. I need to stay with my friends. Get... in... now. And as for the rest of you, I don't know what you're doing, running around here, but I expect to see you early tomorrow morning for your yard duty. And if I find out anything else, I'm all eyes.","Heath: She's scary! Lucky I'm wearing two pairs of underwear. I don't feel so good. We're nearly home. (SIGHS) Take a seat. I have to find a book for tomorrow's English class. Can't I just walk home? Your dad's already on his way and you know what? While you wait, I think it's time we talk. Now, sit. We let you go out yesterday, but there was nothing in our agreement that meant you could sneak out before dawn. I promised Sergeant Roberts. What were you thinking? Mum... Now is the time to think about what kind of person you want to be. And I don't think you want to be someone who hurts other people. We used to be able to talk. There's no point. You wouldn't understand. Try me. Please.","OK.","(SIGHS)","Mum... Mum? Mum!","Nicco: How do you feel? I'm... (DEMONICALLY) ... starving. That's normal.","Heath: ... ish.","Nicco: I'll go get you something.","Whispering Voice: Kayla. What's wrong? Kayla?! What's happening to her? Creepy.","Kayla: (DISTORTED) Give me... What? ... earth! OK, maybe not so normal.","(PHONE RINGS)","G'day, mate. You ready?","Luke: Dad! I'm here. I'm down the corridor. Dad, it's... it's Mum. She's... What's happened? She's gone! Did you have a fight? It's our fault! We brought it here. Whoa, whoa, hey, hey, slow down. Slow down. Take a deep breath... and tell me, what's going on? This... You would never understand. You wouldn't believe me, OK? I'll listen. Look, Dad... You.","[SNARLS]","You took them! You did this!","(SNARLS)","You took them!","(GROANS)","Whispering Voice: Kayla, come!","Kayla? Are you OK? I think she's the definition of not OK. Not helping.","Kayla: Ah! (NORMAL VOICE) What's happening? You said you wanted earth. What did you mean? I don't remember. Here. Eat something. You'll feel better. Mmm. Mmm! OK, when this is over, we need to have a chat about table manners.","Heath: And that creepy voice. Bad Ben was speaking strangely too.","Jesse: Was he eating like that too? Should I try? It's worth a shot.","Kayla: Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.","(PANTS)","What did you see? It's in the forest. Though it doesn't look fully formed yet. It's like a three-quarter demon, but it wants Kayla.","Whispering Voice: Kayla! She's still a part of it somehow.","Whispering Voice: Kayla!","Heath: Oh, there she goes again. Kayla, what are you doing?! What are you doing?","Jesse: Hey, Kayla!","Whispering Voice: Come to me. Stop her. We have to get her back inside. It's not safe.","Nicco: Not too tight. Don't hurt her. That's a hitch knot. She's not going anywhere.","Whispering Voice: We needed to be together. (DEMONICALLY) Give... me... earth. Isn't there some magic thing we can do? No, we need Luke. (DEMONICALLY) Earth.","Heath: Whoa!","Nicco: Kayla?","OK.","This is a new development. How is she doing that?","Ben: I have no idea. (NORMAL VOICE) What's happening to me? You'll be OK.","Jesse: It's just dirt. What if Kayla doesn't want to destroy the earth? What if she IS earth? Earth, like me? Is she an elemental? Or maybe something else happened. When she was in the egg, she combined with the earth Atridax? You mean a part of it is still in her? Maybe the earth part. That's why it's incomplete.","Anna: Hey, Nicco, have you seen the sky? It's on the news. There's two moons. Some weird atmospheric phenomenon. Yeah, I saw it! We can't stay here. We need to find a way to get this thing out of her. Oh! What are you doing? We're just practising a magic trick. For a talent show. You know, like Houdini. Kayla volunteered.","(LAUGHS)","(ALL LAUGH)","Jesse! Just promise me there's no rabbits this time. We should probably go. And, girls, remember, dinner's at six, OK? Uh! Oh! (CHUCKLES) Oh! What's this for? Nothing. Everything. See ya. Bye. We have to get that thing out of her. Well, should we go to the hide-out? We're not taking her back there. Why there? Well, that's where everything else happened. The weird altar, the egg. I don't see a better idea. I guess.","(CAR APPROACHES)","Wait. Tell me that's not Bates again. Get in if you want to live. I've always wanted to say that!","Nicco: Hi, Luke.","Heath: Dude, things have been crazy.","Jesse: Hi, Luke. Your mum let you out? Are you OK?","Nicco: What's wrong? It's started disappearing people. Your mum and dad? Gone. Tried to fight it but I had nothing. I'm gonna destroy it.","(DRAMATIC MUSIC)","(ALL SPLUTTER)","I can't breathe. Luke! Luke... There's no air!","(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)","It's stuck! Luke! Try... and control it!","(DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS, ENDS)","(ALL COUGH, GASP)","What did you do?! I don't know. I was angry and... You haven't lost your power. You just can't control it.","Ellen: Let's get outta here. So, we do the reversal spell and that'll get this thing out of Kayla?","Ellen: Hopefully, this symbol should help focus the reversal spell.","Jesse: What are we going to sacrifice? Sacrifice?! It's not as bad as it sounds. How about these bracelets? I made them with Kayla when we came back. They should work.","Kayla: Is this going to hurt? No. You'll be OK. I'll be right here. You're the brave one. Not me! Let me tell you a secret. Being brave is just pretending that you're not scared. It's all you have to do, OK?","OK.","OK, Nicco, start the spell. The rest of you join in. Elements that speak... Wait. What? If part of the mega-demon thing is still inside of Kayla and it's incomplete... Then doesn't that mean it's... Weak. Weak may be understating it. It's still disappearing people. What happens if Kayla's earth part combines with the rest? When the elements are together, they're stronger, just like you. Great. A full-strength demon. I'm starting to miss the Atridax. We should just fight it now, while it's still not formally formed. Fight it? With what? Our original plan send it back to the Empty World. How? Express Post? We... we open a portal.","Luke: It can't go through as one. It needs to be split up, like the Atridax. What if it does go through fully formed, when it's not in four parts? Yes, that's what I want to know. Regardless, people, you'll need to work together to pull this off. Luke, we need to get your head in the game.","(TAPE SQUEAKS)","Nicco: We can't have you wandering off again.","This is just to keep you safe.","(TAPE SQUEAKS)","I am so sorry that I have to do this. I know. It's OK. Watch her. OK? Yep. We won't be long. I'm just outside.","(DOOR OPENS)","(SIGHS)","(DOOR SHUTS)","Do you want a drink or something? I can't really hold one right now. Yes, of course. Yes.","Ellen: Push all thought and emotion from your mind. Focus only on the feather and blow. Moving a feather? That's how we beat this mega-demon? Can't we do a cool powers combo heat plus wind equals fire-nado? You won't be able to do anything if Luke can't get his power under control. Ignore them, Luke.","(SNICKERING)","Heath: Oh, way to go, Luke.","I can't... I can't do it.","Ellen: Not with that attitude. And you are not helping. Sorry.","Ellen: Try again.","(BLOWS)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(WIND HOWLS)","OK, maybe somewhere in between next time, in case you blow us to smithereens.","Whispering Voice: Ben...","Whispering Voice: Ben... Do you hear that? I don't hear anything.","Whispering Voice: Ben... Wait here. Like I'm going anywhere. Bring Kayla to me. No. You're not my grandpa. He died. I helped you. I was your only friend when you were alone. You attacked me. And my friends! Oh. You have friends now, do you? And how long do you think that's going to last? You, shut up! I'll call out! I can give you back your world, and everyone who disappeared. If you're so powerful, why don't you get Kayla yourself? Afraid of my friends or, what... can't you do it? Well, she's just in there. I warn you, don't make this mistake. (DEMONICALLY) Bring... her... to me! No.","Ellen: Alright, Luke. It's OK. It's coming! Run! Run now!","Ellen: Quick! Get inside! Come on, Ben!","Heath: Get in, get in, quick! In, in, in! (DEMONICALLY) Give me earth! Oh, no, not now. Divinity of the elements, I summon thee.","All: Air, fire, water and earth. In my quest I call you forth!","(HOWLING AND THUMPING)","It's not working! Luke, concentrate.","All: Divinity of the elements, I summon thee. Air, fire, water, earth. In my quest, I call you forth. It's gone.","Ellen: For now. But the protection spell won't hold it off for long. In my vision, it was at an altar in the forest. Of course! It's the most powerful place in Bremin. The ley lines intersect there, magnifying magic power. Hang on. I don't think the demon is able to get Kayla itself. It said I had to bring her to it. Well, we're not doing that. Well, we can't leave her alone. And we definitely can't take her with us. There is one other option.","Ellen: It's a weird thing we're putting her through... Hey.","Girl: Hey. What's this babysitting emergency? Claude babysat 6-year-old twins on a sugar high. She can handle anything. Handle what, exactly? Actually, it's best I don't know.","Ellen: When you get to the forest, you won't have much time. So, you need to open the portal. OK, one question. How are we going to make the mega-demon go in the portal? Call it like a puppy? \"Here, Demon, Demon, Demon.\" That'll work. I got it. We trap it. OK. Again with the how? Well, we know the demon is missing earth. OK, so we use earth against it. But we need enchanted earth. I know what might work.","(SIGHS)","No! Stop! I'm not impressed, Niccolina. I mean, you can't expect me to clean up after you and your friends like this. Sorry. I'll take over. (SIGHS) I mean, honestly, you should know better than this.","(WHOOSHING SOUND, GLASS BREAKS)","Mum?","(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC)","People, are we ready? We'll get your mum back. I didn't even check on Yia Yia. If she realises Mum is gone... Everyone will be gone soon. Not at all helpful, Ben. Map and spell. What if everything we do isn't enough? Boo-hoo! No more complaining! You need to get it together. You've got one chance at this. It'll work, but only if you are all together... No, no! Ellen? What the...?! She's gone! What are we going to do? What was she going to say? It doesn't matter. Let's go.","Claude: This is the weirdest but easiest babysitting gig ever.","Whispering Voice: Kayla... (DEMONICALLY) Give... me... earth. Are you OK? You sound like you have a fur ball.","Whispering Voice: Come now... Oh, is it too tight?","Whispering Voice: Fight it.","Whispering Voice: Break free. Look, I... I know I said I wouldn't ask any questions but I gotta... Hey! What are you doing? Kayla, get back here! Oh, that hurt. That's my bike. Kayla, get back here!","Luke: Hurry. The map says this way.","Jesse: What do you mean, she ran off? OK. Yep, no, we'll definitely get your bike back. Talk soon. My bad. Claude messed up. Kayla's taken off. No! She'll be heading for the altar. We have to get there before she does. There's a lot more hiking involved in magic than I thought there'd be. Everyone knows the plan? We all know what we need to do? Hey, you're going to be OK with all this? Yeah, there's plenty of other things I'd rather been doing, but... This is it. When we smash this demon, it might fix your world as well. (SIGHS) My world's collapsing in on itself. I doubt if it even exists anymore. Good luck, Ben. Oh, I'm gonna need it.","Luke: Keep him busy! We've got your back. You all remember Ellen's spell? Hey. You going to be able to hold it together? No more human vacuum. Good.","Ben: Hello? I've changed my mind. I will bring you Kayla. I want to get my world back. Come out.","(HISSING)","(SNARLING)","(ROARS)","Maybe you can pretend to be my grandpa again.","Jesse: I can't believe all this came out of Kayla.","Ben: Before I get Kayla, you need to prove my world is OK. Now.","All: Earth, dirt, sand, protect us with your power.","All: Ground, soil, land, keep in that which would devour.","All: Elements we call together, a binding thread which lasts forever.","Luke: Force-field. That's cool!","(ROARS)","The portal.","All: Divinity of the elements, I summon thee.","All: Return us all to where we want to be.","All: Take this earth, fire, water, air...","All: universe, reclaim and repair!","Jesse: It's working! It's being pulled in!","Kayla: (DEMONICALLY) I'm here. Kayla! Oh, no! No, no, no, no. Kayla! Stop!","Jesse: Nicco! Stop her.","Luke: Ooh, what is that?","Ben: It's drawing it out of her. Get out of there! Uh... uh...","Luke: Oh, no! It's gonna combine.","All: Ahhhh! OK. What now? I think it's free to do whatever it wants.","(GROWLS)","We have to get out of here. No, no, no, no. I've got this. I'm not afraid of you. Luke, no! What are you doing?! Stop! Dude, don't!","(WIND HOWLS)","Ahhhh! That can't be good. What have you done? I feel OK.","Heath: What's that?","Nicco: What's going on?","Jesse: What's happening?","Luke: OK, maybe... (DEMONICALLY) ... maybe not so OK. He's turning into it.","Ben: Luke, focus. You can fight it.","Ben: Concentrate, Luke. Lucas!","Ben: You can beat this. Luke, just hold on.","(GROANS)","Jesse: Hold on.","And don't let it take over you! (DEMONICALLY) I can't. I think it's winning. I can't hold it.","Ben: Concentrate.","Jesse: Just think happy thoughts. And not demon thoughts. Really?! It sounded right.","Luke: Together... Oh, no, thanks. Together! Us together. Wait a sec... Wait, Ben, what are you doing? It's what Ellen said... we are stronger together.","(GROWLS)","Jesse: Be careful.","Heath: Ben?","(GROWLS)","Heath: what are you doing?","(DRAMATIC MUSIC)","Luke: I need you guys. It has to be together.","We have to anchor him. Come on! Quick! Come on! Hold him.","(WIND HOWLS)","Keep going!","(WIND HOWLS, SCREECHING, GROWLING)","(EXPLOSION)","(ALL PANT)","Ben: Question answered.","That's what happens when it goes through the portal... Kaboom!","Nicco: Look! One moon. Oh, we did it.","Heath: That was savage. You OK? Yeah.","Kayla: I feel weird. I think I threw up dirt. You're back! You're OK. I knew you could be brave. Ben? What?","Other Ben: Don't let it hurt me. It wasn't my fault! Come back! It's OK.","Jesse: Ellen! Hi, gang! Whatever you did, it worked. You're back! Oh!","(ALL LAUGH)","Ben: People are coming back.","Weird to see your world with people in it. You saved my world. I'm going to miss you all. We'll miss you too. Everyone probably still thinks you're a super-nerd, though. Super-nerds are super-cool.","(LAUGHTER)","Just never say that out loud again. Bye!","Girl: Bunch of freaks. Anyways, so what are you...? Uh, yard duty means picking up the rubbish. Yes, Miss Jarra.","Heath: I can't believe we still have to do this. I feel like people should know we saved the world. It doesn't work that way, Jesse. Yeah. So, we just go back to class like nothing ever happened? Yeah. But I am thinking about getting a costume.","Heath: You wear tights, you're on your own. Hey, no, there's nothing wrong with tights. Yeah, Batman wears tights. Yeah, you're not Batman. I'm better than Batman. I don't even need the gadgets. If you wear tights, I will set fire to them. Unreal."],"Show Title":"Nowhere Boys","Episode Number":"03x13","Episode Title":"Two Moons Rising: The Battle for Bremin","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Once_Upon_A_Time_01x15.json","Recap":["After quitting Granny's diner and with her self-esteem at an all-time low, Emma hires Ruby to be her assistant in order to help her discover what it is in life that she's good at; and Emma continues questioning David about the disappearance - and possible murder - of Kathryn. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was, Red Riding Hood yearns to run away with her true love. But she, along with her fellow townspeople, are virtual prisoners when a bloodthirsty wolf continues on its relentless killing spree."],"Transcript":["-[Real World]-","(Emma and David are sitting in Emma's office at the station. She hands him a mug of tea.)","David: Thank you. I hope Kathryn's somewhere warm, not out in the cold.","Emma: David. I think you need to start worrying about yourself a little bit more here. Your wife is missing. You are in love with another woman. There's this... Unexplained phone call.","David: I know, I know. I just... I can't explain why it says that. I didn't do anything to my wife.","Emma: I'm pretty good at spotting a liar. And, honestly, liars have better material. Now, go home.","David: I can go?","Emma: We don't even know if there was a crime yet. So, get some sleep.","David: Thank you.","(David stands up to leave.)","Emma: And, David? Maybe... Get a lawyer.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(At Granny's Diner, Ruby is flirting with August, who is sitting at one of the tables.)","Ruby: You can't be serious. A whole year without a roof over your head?","August: Well, you get used to it. Plus, I had the motorcycle. So, if I didn't like a place after a while...","(Granny calls for Ruby, but Ruby ignores her.)","Granny: Ruby?","Ruby: I've never even been out of Storybrooke. What was your favourite place?","August: Nepal. Best people. They have these prayer temples carved into mountains that are overrun with lemurs.","Ruby: What's a lemur?","Granny: Ruby!","Ruby: Just give me a sec!","August: They're little animals. And they have these eyes that reflect light. So, at night, it looks like they glow.","(Granny, again, calls Ruby over to the counter.)","Granny: Ruby! Stop flirting and get over here!","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(Peter knocks on the shutter of Red and Granny's cottage. Red, imitating the voice of an old woman, calls out from inside.)","Red: Who's there?","Peter: Let me in.","Red: I'm just a poor, old widow. Spare me!","Peter: Let me in, or I'll...","Red: Yes?","Peter: I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow the-","(Red opens the shutters.)","Red: You'll huff and puff?","Peter: I couldn't think of nothing.","Red: Oh, so you thought that you'd level the house with the power of your breath? Well, a case could be made...","Peter: Oh, ho ho-","Red: Shh! Granny's in the other room. You know she doesn't like me opening the shutters.","Peter: No, she doesn't like me.","Red: That's what I meant.","Peter: You got to get out of here.","Red: I know. Anywhere.","Peter: Well, a blacksmith's boy can get work all over.","Red: You'd leave everyone you know? You'd do that for me?","Peter: I'd do anything for you.","Red: Peter, watch out. Your air of danger is slipping.","Peter: Come out - just for a minute.","Red: It's already dark. She'd never let me.","(Granny yells for Red. Red tries to go back in, but Peter holds onto her wrist.)","Granny: Red! Where are you? What are you doing?","Red: Let go.","Peter: Pay the price. One kiss.","Granny: Red, get in here!","(Red quickly kisses Peter and shuts the shutters. She goes into the main room, where several men with torches are talking to Granny.)","Red: What's going on?","Granny: Nothing that concerns you. Just a bunch of fools trying to get themselves killed over a few dead sheep.","Man: Wolf took out a dozen last night.","Red: So, you called me in here to what? Just to keep me in sight?","Man: Good evening, Red. We're just forming up a hunting party.","Red: You're hunting the wolf? Can I go with them, please? I'll be safe in a big group.","Granny: Don't be ludicrous. You are staying inside and you're keeping that hood on. You know red repels wolves.","Red: They're not wearing red.","Granny: They're damn fools, too. There's only two more nights left in Wolfstime - let it take a few sheep. Now, go home.","(Granny shuts the door in their faces.)","Red: I hope they kill the wolf. Then, we can have lives again.","Granny: You just want to roam around the woods with that wastrel - Peter.","Red: He's not a wastrel. He works hard. He has plans.","Granny: Oh, I am sure he does. Now, come on. You know what to do.","(Granny and Red prepare the cottage for defense against the wolf. They barricade and lock the doors and windows, as well as barring the fireplace.)","Granny: Now, go to sleep, girl.","Red: Yes, Granny.","Granny: I hope I don't see that boy mooning around here tomorrow. And wear the hood!","Red: Yes, Granny.","(Red goes into her room, while Granny sits facing the door with a crossbow.)","-[Real World]-","(At the diner, Ruby finally goes to meet Granny at the counter.)","Ruby: I can't believe you did that. That was humiliating.","Granny: I want you to start working Saturday nights.","Ruby: Come on - we have an agreement about Saturday night.","Granny: I want to start training you to do the books and the reorders. Business is booming lately, and, with more money, comes more paperwork.","Ruby: Yeah. None of that sounds good.","Granny: It's got to be done.","Ruby: Is this a punishment for talking to that guy?","Granny: If I wanted to punish you, I'd have better reasons. For one thing, you were late. For another thing, Liza, you dress like a drag queen during Fleet Week.","Ruby: And you dress like Norman Bates when he dresses like Norman Bates' mother.","Granny: Ruby, you're a grown woman. You can't keep acting like some kid.","Ruby: You just want me to act like you until I turn into you. Well, I am not a fossil yet, Granny. I should be out there having adventures with lemurs!","Granny: Well, as long as you work here, you are going to listen to me.","Ruby: I didn't ask to work here.","Granny: Well, then what's keeping ya?","Ruby: Nothing! I quit!","(Ruby storms out of the diner.)","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(Ruby exits her room and finds Granny still guarding the front door.)","Red: Did you get any sleep at all last night?","Granny: I'll sleep with the trolls in the afterlife. I'll get the shutters. You go check if that wolf left the chickens alone.","Red: Yes, Granny.","Granny: Wear your hood!","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Red is collecting eggs in the chicken coop. When she goes to leave, she hears a noise coming from the corner. Snow White, who is holding two eggs, shows herself.)","Snow White: I'm sorry. I can go.","Red: Are you...stealing our eggs?","Snow White: No. ...Not a lot.","Red: Hey, hey. It's... It's all right.","Snow White: Thank you. It was just that, um, last night... There was something out there. There was howling, and... I heard it. And it was so cold, so...","Red: Hey. Come on - come with me. Everyone calls me Red.","Snow White: I'm Sn- Frosty.","Red: Frosty? Really?","Snow White: No. It's just that someone's looking for me, so...","Red: You don't know or trust me yet. Hey, I-I get it. I just need something to call you.","Snow White: Uh, Margaret. Oh, no. Uh, Mary.","Red: Mary. Well, then, Mary - come on.","(Snow White follows Red out of the chicken coop and into the forest. They head towards a well.)","Red: I just got to bring in some water before we go in. It'll just take a second.","Snow White: What was all that howling?","Red: It's Wolfstime. Killer wolf out there. As big as a pony, but a lot more bloodthirsty. It's been stalking the area pretty regular. It kills cattle and... Hang on.","(Red grabs the rope of the bucket in the well.)","Red: It sticks sometimes. Could you just...","(Snow White helps Red pull up the bucket. When she turns around, she seems shocked by what she sees.)","Red: Look. Look at that. Mary, look at the water.","(The water in the bucket is red.)","Red: Mary. Mary. Mary?","(Red turns around and sees what Snow White is staring at. Behind them in the clearing, there are several bloody bodies.)","-[Real World]-","(Mary Margaret runs to catch up with Emma on the street. The two of them walk together.)","MMB: Is he okay? David?","Emma: Oh, yeah. He's a little shaken up, but he's headed home. He's fine.","MMB: Any word from Kathryn?","Emma: Nothing new.","MMB: Did you check with Boston again?","Emma: She's not there, Mary Margaret.","MMB: So, we have no idea what happened to her?","Emma: All we know, is that she found out about you two, gave you a well-deserved slap, and then disappeared.","MMB: Well-deserved? Do you really believe that?","Emma: No. I'm just preparing you for what everyone else is going to think. You two are going to look bad until we figure the truth out.","MMB: You mean David? Th-That people are going to think in order to... Be free with me...","Emma: Some are. And, he's not doing himself any favours. So, if there's anything you could think of to pin down his whereabouts that night-","MMB: He wasn't with me. We really are through.","(The two of them come across Ruby, who is waiting at a bus stop, and Dr. Whale, who is talking to her.)","Ruby: Sorry. No, don't need a ride.","Dr. Whale: It's awfully cold out here.","Ruby: I'm fine - really.","Dr. Whale: I can carry your bag. Where are you headed?","MMB: Dr. Whale?","Dr. Whale: Mary Margaret. Emma. Hello there.","MMB: Hey.","Dr. Whale: I was just having a talk with Ruby here. But, I should, um...","Emma: Yeah. Yeah, you should.","Dr. Whale: Yeah...","(He leaves.)","MMB: Was he bothering you?","Ruby: The day I can't handle a lech is the day I leave town. Which this is, I guess.","Emma: You're leaving?","Ruby: I had a fight with Granny. Quit my job.","MMB: You quit? Where you going?","Ruby: I don't know. Away.","Emma: Yeah, well, buses out of town don't really happen. And, you might want a destination first.","MMB: Hey, if you need a place to figure things out, you could always come home with us.","Emma: Yeah, uh. Yeah. Just for a little while.","MMB: Come on.","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(All of the village's citizens are gathered at the tavern. One of the men who was with the hunting party speaks to the group.)","Man: The one thing I know, is that last night, was the very last massacre.","(Everyone cheers.)","Man: You know, if I had stayed with that party for another ten minutes, I, too, would be among the dead.","(Granny, Red, and a disguised Snow White enter.)","Man: And, when I think if I'd only doubled back, maybe...I could've caught it in the act. Maybe, I would've been able to slay the creature.","Granny: You would not.","Man: Widow Lucas.","Granny: This creature is more powerful than you can imagine. You wouldn't have a chance. Stay inside, hide your children, forget your livestock.","Man: You said all this before.","Granny: But, I haven't said how I know. Nearly threescore years ago, I was a child with six older brothers. Big as oak trees, all of them veterans of the Second Ogres War. And my father, the biggest of them all. Come one Wolfstime, he decided to go out and take on the wolf. A different wolf back then, of course, but just as fearsome. They went out there to protect me. I was supposed to be asleep, but I crawled out on the roof to watch and lay down in the thatch. They had the beast surrounded, the seven of them, with spears all pointed in at it. And then it started. It was lunging - not at the men, at the spears. Grabbing with its teeth, breaking the shafts. They stabbed it with the splintered end, but it didn't matter. It tore their throats so fast, that not a one of them got a chance to scream... Or pray... Or say goodbye. When my father died, I tumbled from the roof, and I landed in the blood in front of the wolf. I felt its breath on my face. Then, it clamped its hot jaw on my arm, and I rolled away.","(She pulls back her sleeve, revealing several large, parallel scars.)","Granny: Then, it looked at me with eyes so black, they weren't even there. Then, it walked away. You ever see a wild animal just turn its back and walk away like you don't matter? If this wolf is like that one, there is no defeating it. It's already won just by existing in our world. You don't kill it - you just hide.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Red and Snow White are sitting by the fireplace at the cottage.)","Snow White: So, your Granny's kind of intense.","Red: Yeah, a bit. I feel like a rat in a trap.","Snow White: Is this trap keeping you from...being with someone?","Red: How did you know?","Snow White: Well, I saw some looks exchanged back there, and, I hate to break it to you, but it wasn't subtle.","Red: Yes. Peter. We've been friends forever, but... Now things are... Well, changing.","Snow White: That must be nice.","Red: Do you have someone?","Snow White: Oh, no. I'm not sure that's in my future. You're lucky, Red.","Red: I know. And we're talking about going away together. But I don't even get any time with him. Granny's too afraid of the wolf to let me out alone. You saw what the wolf did. Sometimes, I wonder if she's right.","Snow White: Oh, she's right about the wolf. But, she's wrong to use it to keep you from love.","Red: You think that's what she's doing? Let's kill the wolf.","Snow White: Hang on.","Red: We'd be heroes.","Snow White: Red, teams of trained hunters have been killed.","Red: But they go at night when it's got the advantage. If we went now, we could find it slumbering in its den and kill it in its sleep. Come on.","Snow White: Red, I don't know.","Red: I'm going - with or without you. But, you're right - I can't let her keep me trapped forever.","-[Real World]-","(Mary Margaret drives her car along the road out of Storybrooke and pulls over just before she reaches the sign. She gets out and goes into the woods. A short ways into the woods, she hears a rustling sound. Suddenly, David appears through the brush.)","MMB: I-it's you. You okay? You're looking for Kathryn, too?","David: I'm looking.","MMB: She knows you didn't do anything. Emma, I mean. She can tell when people are lying, so... She knows. And I'll stand with you. I'll tell everyone this isn't possible. She's going to turn up somewhere. That's why we're out here, right?","David: I'm looking.","(Mary Margaret notices that David isn't quite all there.)","MMB: David?","(David begins to wander back into the woods. She yells to him, but he doesn't seem to hear her.)","MMB: David? David!","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(Snow White and Red are searching for tracks in the forest.)","Snow White: What about that?","Red: That's a dog. See how small that is? Don't look where the snow's drifted - it covers tracks.","Snow White: Hey. Over here.","Red: That...is a rabbit. What we're looking for will be huge. Like a dog print, but big. Like, eight inches across with big, long claws.","Snow White: Like these?","(There is a trail of massive paw prints leading through the forest.)","Red: Yes. And those. Oh, my gods. How big is this thing?","Snow White: This was one stride? From here... To there?","Red: Come on - over there. Through the brush, and off towards the hill.","Snow White: You're good at this.","Red: When there's something I want, I'm good at tracking it down.","-[Real World]-","(At the station, Henry is searching the internet for a job for Ruby. Ruby is sitting next to him, while the phone on the desk continuously rings.)","Henry: Want to be a bike messenger?","Ruby: Bike messenger?","Henry: That's about taking things to people in a little basket.","Ruby: Nope. Yeah, see, I'm not so great at bike riding.","Henry: How about taking things on foot, to people, in a little basket?","Ruby: I'm not so sure that's a real job.","(The phone rings again.)","Ruby: Why do the phones keep doing that?","Henry: Oh, the non-emergency calls go to a machine when Emma's busy.","(The phone rings, again, but Ruby answers it.)","Ruby: Sheriff's station. How can I help you? Mmhmm. I'll get her to return. Thank you, too.","(She answers the next call.)","Ruby: Sheriff's station. Hey, Miss Ginger. Uh, no, that's not a prowler. That's Archie's dog - Pongo. Throw him a vanilla wafer. He'll quiet down. Did you still want to talk to Emma? Great. Glad I could help.","(Emma, who has overheard Ruby on the phone, walks in.)","Emma: How's it going, you two?","Ruby: Great. Except I can't do anything.","Emma: I'm sure that's not true. I just saw you on the phone. That was good.","Ruby: That? That's nothing.","Emma: No. No, it isn't. I actually have some money in the budget if you want to help out around here.","Ruby: Yes! Thank you! Yes. Um, I could answer phones and help out. Um, is there anything else that you need done? Organize files, cleaning up? Please - I want to be useful.","Emma: I'm swamped with the Kathryn Nolan thing. If you maybe want to grab us lunch, I would never say no to a grilled cheese.","Ruby: Done. You want anything?","Henry: Um, two chocolate chip cookies, an apple pie, and a hot dog.","Emma: He ate at school.","(As Ruby goes to leave, Mary Margaret enters.)","Ruby: Hey! Lunch, Mary Margaret? I'm getting for everyone.","MMB: Uh, no. I'm not hungry.","(Ruby leaves.)","MMB: David's in the woods. There's something wrong with him. He looked right through me. It's like... It's like he was a different person.","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(Red and Snow White are still tracking the wolf through the forest.)","Snow White: Here's another one.","Red: Right. And then here's...","(Red looks down, and notices that the tracks no longer resemble just paw prints.)","Snow White: What?","Red: This print - it looks like it's... Half-wolf and half-boot. See?","Snow White: Wolves don't wear boots.","Red: No, they don't.","Snow White: Then it just continues like it was a man?","Red: Like it was a man and a wolf.","Snow White: Red, what kind of monster is this?","(The two of them continue to follow the tracks.)","Red: So...","Snow White: Yeah?","Red: Wolfstime is once a month on the full moon. There's a story I heard once about a creature-","Snow White: Hey. Aren't we awfully close to the cottage?","(They see the tracks lead to the side window of Red and Granny's cottage.)","Snow White: Who's gone to your window, Red? Is it Peter? Red, has he been at your window?","Red: Last night - before the killings. And he never joined the guys to hunt the wolf.","Snow White: But I'm sure he wouldn't have killed them.","Red: He wouldn't. But when the wolf takes over...","Snow White: What about tonight's hunting party?","Red: They're going to kill him. Or he's going to kill them.","Snow White: It doesn't have to be that way.","Red: What can we do?","Snow White: Tell him. If he doesn't know, tell him. Stop him. If he'll listen to anyone, if he'll believe anyone, it's you.","Red: You think I can save him?","Snow White: I think you can save everyone.","Red: It's going to be dark soon. Granny will be out of her mind with worry if we're not home. She'll go out there. Mary, this is so bad.","Snow White: So do something.","Red: You're right. I have to.","-[Real World]-","(Ruby enters Granny's Diner and walks up to the counter to order.)","Ruby: I need a couple of grilled cheeses. I'm working over at the sheriff's station now.","Granny: Ah.","Ruby: Sort of like a... Like a Deputy, you know? I guess sometimes, your fate finds you.","Granny: Seems kind of like you're doing the same thing you always done.","Ruby: Plus so much more.","Granny: Those will be right up.","Ruby: Yeah.","Granny: Tony has to unwrap the cheese slices.","Ruby: I help solve crimes.","Granny: I'm sure you do. I hope you're finding what you're looking for.","Ruby: I am.","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(Red and Peter are sitting by a fire in the forest.)","Peter: You think this wolfman is me? Red, you know me.","Red: I know it's not you, really, but I think it's using your body.","Peter: Wouldn't I know? I mean, wouldn't I wake up in the woods? Wouldn't I remember something?","Red: Maybe. Maybe, it makes you forget.","Peter: Oh, my gods. Those men - they died. If I did that...","Red: Forget the past. Think of the future. We can go now, Peter. Have lives. All we need to do is tie you up during the Wolfstime, and I know where to get rope.","Peter: No. Not rope.","(He picks up a chain off of the ground.)","Red: Chains.","Peter: Just in case... Just in case you're right. I'll show you how to rig it up so that I can't get out. And then you need to get away from me.","Red: No. I'm staying with you. I'll stay with you all night, and for all the nights to come.","Peter: You'd do that for me?","Red: I'd do anything for you.","-[Real World]-","(Emma and Henry are at the station. Emma is getting ready to leave, while Henry is hiding his book.)","Emma: Okay, kid. Don't mean to kick you out, but I got to go see if David's in some kind of trouble out there.","Henry: It's okay. I'm supposed to meet my mom.","(He locks his book in one of the desk drawers.)","Henry: There.","Emma: Nice.","Henry: You know, you can let Ruby do more. She's Little Red Riding Hood.","Emma: With the little basket? Yeah, she seems like a badass.","Henry: She is. She just doesn't remember how cool she is or what she's capable of. But it's true.","(Ruby returns with the food as Henry leaves.)","Henry: Hey, Ruby.","Ruby: Hey, Henry. Got your grilled cheese.","Emma: Thank you. You all right?","Ruby: I guess. I mean, this is something I know how to do. So, yay.","Emma: Okay, let's pack these back up, and we can eat it in the car. I need to do a little wilderness search, and I need your help.","Ruby: I'm pretty sure I'm just going to screw it up. I mean, I'll screw it up with flair, but...","Emma: No, you won't. Come on - you can do this.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Emma and Ruby are searching through the woods.)","Ruby: This place is massive. How are we supposed to find one guy?","Emma: Hey, shh. We might be able to hear him.","Ruby: It's massive.","Emma: I'm following the path because there are boot prints, so just stay close.","Ruby: I shouldn't even be here. I'm just going to screw everything up. Oh, wait.","(Ruby stops walking and Emma bumps into her.)","Emma: Ruby?","Ruby: I hear him.","Emma: Really?","Ruby: Yeah, really. I hear him or...something. I... I know where he is. Don't you?","(Ruby takes off through the woods.)","Emma: No. What are you doing?","Ruby: He's over here!","(Emma follows her.)","Emma: Ruby! Ruby?","(Emma finds Ruby standing over a bleeding and unconscious David. She kneels next to him, and tries to shake him awake.)","Emma: David? Oh, god. Come on! David, come on! Wake up! David, wake up!","(David wakes up.)","David: Emma? What? Ruby?","Emma: Do you remember where you are?","David: No, I... What the hell? I was... I was in your office. Did you bring me here?","Emma: You don't remember anything since you were in my office? Last night?","David: No, I don't.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Emma and David are at the hospital, where David is being treated by Dr. Whale.)","Dr. Whale: Well, he's bruised, scratched up, a little dehydrated. What'd you expect.","Emma: He's got a cut on his head.","Dr. Whale: It's superficial. I can refer him to Dr. Hopper for a mental health eval, but, it's my opinion, that whatever caused this blackout, is the same phenomenon we observed when he came out of his coma. Moving around, acting out, not remembering it later.","Emma: We will figure it out.","David: It's so strange. I can't even believe it happened.","Emma: How functional could he be during one of these episodes? I mean, he talked to someone.","Dr. Whale: Well, people in similar states, even under sleep medication, do all sorts of things. Cooking, talking, driving a car.","David: You want to know if I could've made that call. Or more. You... You want to know if I could've... What, kidnapped her? Killed her?","Dr. Whale: Now, take it easy there. No one's saying you did anything bad, David.","David: No, but it would explain why it didn't seem like I was lying. I wouldn't know.","(Regina quickly storms into the room.)","Regina: Stop talking, David. What are you doing here? Why doesn't this man have a lawyer present? Have you even read him his rights?","Emma: No, because he's not under arrest. We're just talking.","Regina: Right. Just talking.","Emma: What are you doing here?","Dr. Whale: Mayor Mills is still Mr. Nolan's emergency contact.","Emma: You have to be kidding me.","David: I thought that changed to Kathryn?","Regina: Well, Kathryn's currently unavailable. Some people haven't found her yet. Stop trying to place blame and just find her.","Emma: There's a whole lot of Maine to search, Regina.","Regina: Well, you covered this room. I suggest you branch out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Ruby answers a phone call at the station.)","Ruby: Sheriff's station, thank you for calling. How may I direct your-","(The caller turns out to be Emma, who is still at the hospital.)","Emma: Hey, stop. It's me. Here's the thing - the last time David went for a dream walk, he went to the Toll Bridge. You know the one? It's a crazy hunch, but I want you to take my bug and go and see if he was there.","Ruby: No, I could get somebody else to.","Emma: Ruby, you were great out there. I still don't know how you found him. You can do this.","Ruby: I don't know.","Emma: It's going to be dark out soon. David's going to be let out. If there is something there, we've got to get there first. We don't have time to argue. Can you do this?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Ruby drives Emma's bug to the Toll Bridge. She gets out, while still on the phone with Emma.)","Ruby: I mean, what am I even looking for?","Emma: Anything out of the ordinary. Something that doesn't belong there.","(Ruby heads toward the bank of the river flowing under the bridge.)","Ruby: And...if I find something?","Emma: Just follow your instincts.","(Ruby finds a board near the water. She flips in over, revealing a patch of sand underneath it. Ruby puts Emma on speaker and places the phone on a nearby rock. She grabs a stick and begins to dig, until she hits something hard. Ruby brushes the sand away with her hand. The object turns out to be a small jewelry box.)","Ruby: You...can't give me a clue what I'm looking for?","Emma: Anything of Kathryn's.","(She lifts up the jewelry box.)","Emma: Ruby? What's going on? Did you find something?","(Ruby opens the box, but abruptly drops it. She screams.)","Emma: Ruby? Ruby?","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(Snow White, who is wearing Red's hood, pretends to be asleep in Red's room. Granny enters and approaches the bed.)","Granny: Where's Mary? Come on, girl - wake up. We best bar the door. If Mary's not back by now, she'll have to take her chances.","(Granny pulls back the hood and discovers it's Snow White.)","Snow White: She's in no danger.","Granny: What have you done?","Snow White: No, it's okay. It's alright. It's fine.","Granny: Where is she?","Snow White: She's... Well, she's with Peter. And I know that you don't like him, but that's really beside the point.","Granny: You stupid, careless, ridiculous girl.","Snow White: No. You don't understand. Peter isn't... This is going to be difficult to accept. You just have to trust me. He's the wolf.","Granny: You think Peter is the wolf?","Snow White: Yes. This terrible creature is also human. It's okay, though. He won't hurt her. She's got him tied up.","Granny: He's tied up? Oh, that poor boy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Peter is chained to a tree in the woods. He struggles against the chains, while growling is heard in the background.)","Peter: Red, no. Red! It's me. Don't! Don't!","(Red, who has transformed into a snarling wolf, approaches him.)","Peter: Please! Red! No! Red! No! Red! Red, No!","(The wolf lunges at Peter.)","-[Real World]-","(At the station, Emma and Ruby stare at the opened jewelry box sitting on the desk.)","Ruby: Is... Is that what I think it is?","Emma: Yeah.","Ruby: I can't look.","(Ruby turns around and Emma shuts the lid of the box.)","Emma: You okay?","Ruby: I don't know what I am.","Emma: It's going to be all right. We can figure out what happened now. Ruby, you did good.","Ruby: This, is doing good?","Emma: Yeah. It's amazing. First, you found David, and now, this. I know you say you don't know what you are, but, whatever it is, I got to say, I'm impressed.","Ruby: Don't be. I'm... I'm scared out of my mind.","Emma: But you did it anyway.","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(Granny and Snow White are walking through the forest to find Peter and Red.)","Snow White: You knew?","Granny: Of course I knew. Her mother was one, too, before a hunting party killed her. I thought maybe Red didn't get it, but when she was thirteen, it started. I paid a wizard for that cloak - keeps her from turning. But, she doesn't wear it, and she's found some way out of the house.","Snow White: Why didn't you tell her?","Granny: I didn't want her to have that burden. It's a terrible burden.","Snow White: That story you told...","Granny: That was her grandfather. He marked me that night. Then came back, found me, turned me.","Snow White: Turned you... You're... Granny? How are you tracking her?","Granny: By smell. I still have that, even though the rest of it has faded away. Gods, I was a fool to think I could keep this from her. I am a fool and I have cost so many lives.","Snow White: But you didn't mean to. That's the main thing.","Granny: Is it?","(Granny hands the lantern to Snow White, and then takes out a crossbow.)","Granny: Here - a silver-tipped arrow will drop her.","MMB: Oh-","Granny: Shh! Follow me. We're approaching from downwind, so we have a chance.","(The two of them slowly edge their way down the incline, until they reach Red and Peter. Red, still in wolf form, is devouring Peter. Granny accidentally steps on a stick. The noise causes the wolf to turn around. The wolf lunges at the two of them, but Granny shoots it, dropping it to the ground in front of them.)","Granny: Cloak!","(Snow White hands Granny the cloak, which she then throws over the wolf. A wave of magic surges through the cloak. Snow White notices that Peter is dead.)","Granny: It's too late. He's gone.","(Red, now in human form, arises but is disorientated.)","Red: Who's gone?","Granny: Get up, girl. Get ready to run.","Red: What's going on?","Snow White: Come on, Red.","(The hunting party is heard shouting in the background.)","Granny: Don't you hear them?","Snow White: We have to go.","Red: Go? I don't understand.","Snow White: No, I'll explain it later. We must hurry.","Red: What? I'm confused. What's happened? Where's Peter?","Snow White: He wasn't the wolf.","Red: Granny?","Granny: I was wrong to keep it from you. But, now, you have to go. Red. Go.","(The shouting gets louder, and the torches of the hunting party shine through the trees.)","Red: It's me? Oh, gods, it's... It's me.","Granny: Red, go.","Red: I don't want to go like this.","Granny: You have to.","Red: No, no, no, no...","Snow White: It's okay. It's going to be okay.","Granny: Mary, there's no time.","Snow White: I know. I'll get her out of here.","(Supporting Red on her shoulder, Snow White leads the two of them to the woods. Granny stays behind as the hunting party arrives.)","-[Real World]-","(Ruby enters the diner. Granny is at the counter.)","Granny: You look good.","Ruby: Thanks.","Granny: Want something for the Sheriff?","Ruby: No.","Granny: Ah...","(Granny grabs her arm in pain.)","Ruby: Your arm okay?","Granny: Same as it is every full moon.","(The same scars from Fairy Tale World are visible on her arm.)","Granny: What are you doing here, Ruby? You here to tell me more about your fine new job?","Ruby: I want to come back.","Granny: Why? You were pretty mad.","Ruby: I wasn't mad.","Granny: Looked like mad from here.","Ruby: Mmhmm, yeah. Here's the thing - um... You were talking about having me do all this stuff, and I...wasn't sure. I-I said that, you wanted me to turn into you, but... What I meant was, I don't know how to be you. You're a tough act to follow.","Granny: Oh.","Ruby: And then you wanted me to take on all this extra responsibility, and I... Guess I just got scared.","Granny: Don't be. You shouldn't be.","Ruby: Well, I am. But, it's okay. I can do it anyway. I sort of found someone in myself that was more than I expected.","Granny: What about adventure? What about lemurs?","Ruby: Emma was my lemur. Did that, found out I could do that, and also that I don't want to. I don't want a job where a good day means ruining someone's life. I want to do something that makes me happy. Somewhere I love.","Granny: Look - just so you know, I wanted you to do the books and everything, so you could take over when I retire. Own the whole place.","Ruby: Own it?","Granny: Sure. I mean, who else would I give it to but someone who loves me back?","(The two of them hug.)","Granny: Proud of you.","Ruby: What was that?","Granny: You heard me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Mary Margaret and David are at the animal shelter.)","MMB: David, it's going to be okay.","David: Really? How do you know that? Because, I honestly can't say anything about my actions anymore.","MMB: Well, there has to be an explanation.","David: You're right. But the problem is, I don't think it's a good one.","(Emma enters.)","David: What is it? Did you find her?","Emma: We found a box.","David: Wait... Wait... What does that mean?","Emma: We think it... We think that she...","David: What?","Emma: There was a human heart inside it.","MMB: Oh, my god.","(David breaks down in tears.)","David: No. No.","Emma: We're going to send it out for some tests, but there aren't any other missing people.","MMB: Maybe you should go.","Emma: There's more.","David: What?","Emma: There were fingerprints inside the lid of the box. I ran them through the records of everyone in town, and there was a match.","David: Arrest me.","MMB: No. David!","David: Arrest me, Emma. Do it!","Emma: David, the fingerprints weren't yours.","David: What?","Emma: They were Mary Margaret's.","-[End]-"],"Show Title":"Once Upon A Time","Episode Number":"01x15","Episode Title":"Red Handed","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Once_Upon_A_Time_01x19.json","Recap":["Mr. Gold attempts to uncover the true identity of August, Emma confronts Regina about her involvement in Kathryn's disappearance, and David tries to apologize and reconcile with Mary Margaret. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was, Rumplestiltskin agrees to comply and do whatever it takes if his son can find a way for him to safely give up his powers and turn back into the loving man he used to be."],"Transcript":["-[Real World]-","(August, who is sleeping is his bed at the inn, wakes up to find his leg shaking uncontrollably. He attempts to grab his leg, but instead ends up stiffly falling out of the bed. He hobbles over to the phone and dials a number.)","August: Hey, you there? Good. This is taking too long. We need to accelerate the plan.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(August and Henry are lurking across the street from Mr. Gold's Pawn Shop.)","August: It's almost nine. You all set? You know what to do?","Henry: Operation Cobra is always ready. I just...","August: You just what?","Henry: I don't understand what this has to do with getting Emma to believe.","August: Sometimes, other priorities assert themselves. Can you handle a little improvisation?","Henry: Yeah. Can you?","August: We're a go.","(Henry runs across the street and enters the shop. Mr. Gold greets him.)","Henry: Hey, Mr. Gold.","Mr. Gold: Good morning, Henry. What can I do for you?","Henry: I want to get a gift for Miss Blanchard.","Mr. Gold: Oh, I see.","Henry: Since, she didn't kill that woman.","Mr. Gold: Good thinking.","(As Henry distracts Mr. Gold, August enters the shop through the back door.)","Henry: Are these bells? Cool.","Mr. Gold: See anything you fancy?","(Henry continues to discuss purchasing a bell with Mr. Gold, while August searches through Mr. Gold's office out back. He is caught snooping by Mr. Gold.)","Mr. Gold: May I help you?","August: Yeah. I'm looking for some maps. I'm a bit of a collector.","Mr. Gold: Yes. Well, there's maps through in the shop. This is my office.","August: I thought this was the entrance.","Mr. Gold: It's not. The shop's through there.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(At the hospital, Kathryn is awake and is being assessed by Dr. whale. Emma enters.)","Dr. Whale: Emma. Come on in. Look who's awake.","Emma: Kathryn, hi. Listen, I don't want to take a lot of your time. But, do you remember what happened?","Kathryn: I don't know much. Um, I was in a car accident, and...I remember the airbag going off. And the next thing I knew, I was in the dark, in some basement. I didn't see anyone, but there was food and water. And then, I guess I was drugged.","Dr. Whale: Yeah. We're still trying to flush that out of your system.","Kathryn: And then, I woke up in a field at the edge of town, and I started walking. That was it.","Emma: You saw no one? You didn't hear a voice? Smell perfume? Cologne? Anything?","Kathryn: Nothing, no. I'm sorry. I wish I could help. Especially since... While I was gone, you thought I was dead?","Emma: Your DNA matched the heart we found.","Dr. Whale: They're grilling everybody down at the hospital lab to see who doctored the DNA results.","Kathryn: Why would anyone do this?","Emma: I think someone was trying to frame Mary Margaret.","Kathryn: But why? I mean, who would do something like that?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Regina and Mr. Gold are in Mr. Gold's Pawn Shop.)","Regina: You broke our deal.","Mr. Gold: I broke one deal in my life, dear. And it certainly wasn't this one.","Regina: Kathryn was supposed to die, and Mary Margaret was to get the blame.","Mr. Gold: Yeah, murder seems so much worse here, though, doesn't it? You can't just turn someone into a snail and then step on them, can you? You didn't say 'kill her'. We agreed that something tragic should happen to her. Now, abduction is tragic.","Regina: The intent was perfectly clear.","Mr. Gold: Oh, let's not talk about intent. Intent is meaningless.","Regina: Intent is everything.","Mr. Gold: Please.","Regina: This is going to raise all kinds of questions about where she was and how the test results were fake.","Mr. Gold: Oh, yes. And, um... And who put the key in her cell.","Regina: It's all going to lead to me, isn't it? You b*st*rd. This doesn't make any sense. You and I - we've been in this, together, from the start.","Mr. Gold: Oh, have we?","Regina: You created the curse for me. The curse that brought us here, and built all this.","Mr. Gold: Yes, it's about time you said thank you.","Regina: Why did you do it?","Mr. Gold: Well, you're a smart woman, Your Majesty. Figure it out.","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(In a small village, Baelfire and several kids are playing with a ball outside. The ball is knocked in the path of a donkey cart, driven by a man. When Baelfire goes to retrieve it, he trips and scrapes his knee.)","Man: Hey. Hey! What are you doing in the middle of the road, boy?","Baelfire: I'm sorry. I-I...","Man: Hey, I know you. It's fine. It's fine. It was the donkey's fault. You want a chicken? Or some eggs?","Baelfire: It's alright, no. I should probably just...","(Rumpelstiltskin appears.)","Rumpelstiltskin: What's going on?","Man: It's nothing. It was my fault. I wasn't looking where I was going. But, he says he's fine!","Baelfire: I'm fine, Papa. Really.","Rumpelstiltskin: Are you sure, Bae?","Baelfire: Yes. I'm fine.","Rumpelstiltskin: Well, I suppose it won't happen again.","Baelfire: It won't.","Man: No. No.","Rumpelstiltskin: What's that?","(Rumpelstiltskin points down, and everyone's attention is drawn to Baelfire's bloody knee.)","Baelfire: It's nothing.","Man: It's nothing!","Rumpelstiltskin: Don't. Bother.","(In a puff of purple smoke, Rumpelstiltskin magically transforms the man into a snail. Balefire and the rest of the villagers watch as Rumpelstiltskin goes to crush the snail.)","Baelfire: No, Papa. No. Please, Papa, don't. No, Papa! Papa!","(Rumpelstiltskin crushes the snail under his foot.)","-[Real World]-","(David is in Kathryn's room at the hospital. She is asleep. He leans over to kiss her forehead, but she wakes up.)","David: I'm sorry.","Kathryn: What are you doing?","David: I was trying to kiss you on your forehead. It was meant to be sweet.","Kathryn: Well, thank you. It's good to see you.","David: Kathryn, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I cheated on you. I'm just... I'm sorry for all of this.","Kathryn: David, it's okay. You know, what we had... It wasn't it for you. Maybe for both of us. I can't blame you for just being the first one to see it.","David: You are, uh... Kind of amazing.","Kathryn: Yeah, I am. Now, go on. Get out of here so I can get some rest.","David: I'm going to give you that kiss on the forehead now.","Kathryn: Knock yourself out.","(He kisses her.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(At Mary Margaret's apartment, most of the citizens of Storybrooke are gathered for Mary Margaret's welcome home party. Mary Margaret and Emma are at the punch bowl watching everyone.)","Granny: Hi!","Archie: Hey. How are you? Would you like some?","MMB: All of these people... Just to welcome me home?","Emma: You've got a lot of friends.","MMB: Didn't feel like that yesterday.","(Mary Margaret leaves to serve drinks.)","MMB: Here you go.","Man: Thank you.","(Off to the side, Henry and August are talking and watching Mr. Gold from afar.)","Henry: How bad was it?","August: Getting caught in his office? Not bad. I played it off.","Henry: What were you looking for? Did you find it?","August: Nope. But I have a feeling it's going to find me.","(August spots Mary Margaret.)","August: There she is. Why don't you give her your present?","Henry: Hey. I have something for you.","(Henry hands Mary Margaret a present and a giant card.)","MMB: Well, thank you.","MMB: We're so glad you didn't kill Misses Nolan...","Henry: It's from the whole class, and I got you a bell.","MMB: Thank you. Tell everyone I'll be back soon.","Henry: Okay.","Emma: Hey, Henry, we should get you home before your mom finds out. That won't be pretty.","(Emma and Henry head for the door. They find David standing on the other side. Emma turns around to look at Mary Margaret, whose face clearly shows disapproval.)","David: Hey, Henry. Leaving already?","Henry: Yeah. Got to get home and do homework.","Emma: She's kind of tired. I think if you just give it some time...","David: I just wanted to-","Emma: Hey, Henry. Why don't you head home with David?","Henry: Okay.","Emma: Sorry.","David: Okay.","(David and Henry leave, and Emma shuts the door. Mr. Gold approaches her.)","Mr. Gold: Hard to let him go, isn't it? Your son.","Emma: Yeah. Pretty much the hardest thing. Speaking of something we weren't talking about, was it you?","Mr. Gold: Was what me?","Emma: Did you make Kathryn suddenly materialize? Cause it sure played that way to me. Was that the magic you were going to work? Because if you kidnapped that poor, innocent woman, just to let her go-","Mr. Gold: Are you proposing I'm working with Regina, or against her?","Emma: I don't know. Maybe, diagonally.","Mr. Gold: Well, you keep working on that one. My question's about something else - what do you know about him?","Emma: Goes by August. He's a writer. Typewriter wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in stubble. Why?","Mr. Gold: He was poking around my shop today. August Wayne Booth. Clearly a false name. There's one thing I know about - it's names.","Emma: Writers go by pseudonyms. What does it matter?","Mr. Gold: You trust him?","Emma: Yeah. A lot more than I trust you.","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(Rumpelstiltskin and Baelfire arrive back at their house. Inside, their maid is cleaning up.)","Rumpelstiltskin: Thank you, Onora. You can fetch our supper now, dearie.","Baelfire: You killed that man.","Rumpelstiltskin: Well, you were hurt. Speaking of which...","(Rumpelstiltskin begins to heal Baelfire's knee, but Baelfire stops him.)","Baelfire: No. I don't want magic. It's just a scrape.","Rumpelstiltskin: This will heal it.","Baelfire: So will this.","(Baelfire gets a first aid kit from a cupboard. Rumpelstiltskin sets to mend the knee.)","Rumpelstiltskin: As you wish.","Baelfire: You're different now. You see it, don't you? You hurt people all the time.","Rumpelstiltskin: I created a truce in the Ogres War, Bae. I walked into the field of battle, and I made it stop. I led the children home. Surely, a man who's saved a thousand lives-","Baelfire: Is done. A man who's saved a thousand lives can be done with it. You can stop doing things.","Rumpelstiltskin: I can't. I need more power so I can protect you.","Baelfire: I wouldn't need protecting if you didn't have power.","Rumpelstiltskin: Well, I can't get rid of it.","Baelfire: Have you tried?","(Rumpelstiltskin pulls out the dagger of the Dark One.)","Rumpelstiltskin: Tried? If someone kills me with this, then they gain the power. Now, you know that, Bae. Is that what you want?","Baelfire: That's not what I want. I just think there might be other ways to get rid of the power. Have you looked for...","(The maid returns and sees the two of them discussing the dagger.)","Rumpelstiltskin: well, you look for other ways, Bae. But don't get your hopes up.","Baelfire: Papa... If I find a way for you to get rid of the power... A way that doesn't kill you or hurt me... Would you do it?","Rumpelstiltskin: It's not possible.","Baelfire: If it was, would you do it? Don't you miss how it was?","Rumpelstiltskin: Are you really that unhappy, Bae? I can conjure anything you desire. Name it. What do you want?","Baelfire: I want my father.","Rumpelstiltskin: All I want is your happiness, Bae. If you find a way, I'll do it.","Baelfire: Good.","(Baelfire extends his hand. The two then shake on it.)","Baelfire: The deal is struck.","Rumpelstiltskin: Struck.","-[Real World]-","(Mr. Gold picks the lock to August's room at the inn. Inside, he finds August's typewriter on his desk, along with stacks of papers and a donkey shaped paperweight. He moves aside a paper, revealing a drawing of Rumpelstiltskin's dagger.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Sidney is drinking coffee at Granny's Diner. Emma enters, and sits across from him.)","Emma: Hey, Sidney.","Sidney: Emma, hey. So, things certainly did work out, didn't they? For... For your friend?","Emma: You told me you could help me with Mary Margaret, and I wanted to believe you. But, eventually, there are things that even a blind Sheriff cannot ignore.","(Emma pulls out the wire tap and places it on the table.)","Sidney: Is that a bug?","Emma: Oh, for God sakes, Sidney. Drop it. You fooled me, you spied on me, and you reported it all back to that sick, crazy woman. I can't even imagine what she has on you, but it must be something huge.","Sidney: She's a good Mayor.","Emma: She tried to get Mary Margaret convicted of a murder that didn't even happen. You're in a lot of trouble. There is a DNA trail in a basement of some house out there, and I'm going to find it. And she's going to go away.","Sidney: Maybe. But, I wouldn't bet against her. She's an amazing woman.","Emma: Do you... Are you in love with her? ...Fine. Whatever. Here's the thing - before you know it, I will have that evidence. And you need to think long and hard. You can either help me, and help yourself, or you're going to go down with her, too.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(On the main street, August gets on his motorcycle and drives off. Mr. Gold, who is watching from a distance, follows him in his car.)","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(In the forest, several children are play dueling with wooden swords. Rumpelstiltskin and Baelfire cross them.)","Rumpelstiltskin: Hey, why don't you join in, Bae? I have some business nearby that would bore you.","Baelfire: Alright.","(Rumpelstiltskin heads towards a house up the hill, while Baelfire goes to join the children. However, as he approaches them, the children scatter. He sits on a log by himself, when Morraine joins him.)","Morraine: Baelfire.","Baelfire: Careful, Morraine. You don't want to be seen with me. I'm dangerous.","Morraine: They're just scared of your Papa. But I'm not. You won't let him hurt me. I don't think he's so bad anyway. I saw him on the battlefield when he stopped the fighting. It was like a miracle.","Baelfire: Now, he's getting worse every day. But he said he'll change back if I find a way. I just don't know where to look.","Morraine: Reul Ghorm.","Baelfire: What?","Morraine: I heard about it when I was in the trenches. The other soldiers talked about it. Reul Ghorm is an ancient being that rules the night. The original power.","Baelfire: Bigger than Papa, or worse than Papa?","Morraine: Bigger than anything.","(A crack is heard in the background.)","Morraine: He's coming back. Good luck to you.","(Morraine leaves and Rumpelstiltskin returns.)","Rumpelstiltskin: Your friend didn't want to say hello?","Baelfire: You frighten them.","Rumpelstiltskin: What is there to be frightened of, Bae? They'll get over that in time.","Baelfire: You have stains on your boots.","(They look down, where blood can be seen on Rumpelstiltskin's boots.)","Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, yes, that. Uh, we need a new maid.","Baelfire: Gods, no!","Rumpelstiltskin: She heard us talking about the knife.","Baelfire: She was mute. She couldn't tell anyone.","Rumpelstiltskin: Even mutes can draw a picture.","-[Real World]-","(At the convent, August and Mother Superior are talking. August leaves, and Mother Superior encounters Rumpelstiltskin on the step.)","Mr. Gold: Mother Superior. Good afternoon.","Mother Superior: Our rent is paid in full.","Mr. Gold: I'm not here about the rent.","Mother Superior: Well, good day to you, then.","Mr. Gold: Tell me - that man who just left here... Who did he say he was? What did he want?","Mother Superior: I don't have to tell you that.","Mr. Gold: And I don't have to not double your rent. What did he want?","Mother Superior: Advice and counsel. He came to town looking for his father after a long separation, and he recently found him.","Mr. Gold: Ah. And a happy reunion has already taken place?","Mother Superior: No. He hasn't spoken to him yet.","Mr. Gold: And why not?","Mother Superior: Mm, it was a difficult parting. There are many issues to be resolved between them.","Mr. Gold: I see.","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(Baelfire heads to a deserted area of the woods and sits down. He then attempts to summon 'Reul Ghorm'.)","Baelfire: Reul Ghorm? Are you there? If you can help me, please make yourself known to me.","(The Blue Fairy appears.)","Baelfire: Can you help me?","Blue Fairy: I can help.","Baelfire: How do I know I can trust you?","Blue Fairy: Because there is good magic and dark magic, and I'm on the right side.","Baelfire: You're a fairy.","Blue Fairy: Oh. And you're not untouched by magic, are you, child? There's something dark in your life.","Baelfire: My father. He is the Dark One.","Blue Fairy: Oh. I can't make him the man he was before, but I can send him someplace where he won't be able to use his powers.","Baelfire: Not a jail. I want to be with him. Like it used to be.","Blue Fairy: Not a jail, young one, just a place without magic.","Baelfire: But magic is everywhere.","Blue Fairy: In this world, yes. You see, what ails your father is specific to our realm. His powers do not belong here. You must go where you can escape this wretched curse.","Baelfire: Go? We have to leave?","Blue Fairy: Yes. It is the only way. Can you do it? Can you leave everything here behind for the unknown?","Baelfire: If it means I get my father back, then yes.","Blue Fairy: You're a very good son, Baelfire. You are the part of him that keeps him human. That little light inside of him that still glows. It's his love for you. Hold out your hand.","(The Blue Fairy tosses him a transparent looking bean.)","Baelfire: What is it?","Blue Fairy: A magic bean. The very last one that is known to our kind. The others got away from us. You just use it wisely, and follow wherever it leads you. It will save you both.","(The Blue Fairy disappears. Baelfire returns home.)","-[Real World]-","(David is waiting outside of a building. When Mary Margaret appears, he approaches her.)","David: Mary Margaret.","(She ignores him.)","David: Please wait. Look, I'll leave if you want. I... I just think we need to talk.","MMB: So, talk.","David: I need to apologize.","MMB: Yes, you do. Keep going.","David: I didn't believe you. I didn't stand with you.","MMB: You know, I will never forget that moment... The moment the world sort of blows you backwards, and the one person you thought would always be there to catch you... He isn't there.","David: Look at what was going on. It was your jewelry box, your fingerprints, knife in your apartment-","MMB: It was a setup.","David: And a really good one. I'm human. I fell for it. I'm sorry, but... We have to move forward.","MMB: But we can't. It's like something in this world doesn't want us together.","David: Like what? Dark forces?","MMB: Maybe. I don't know, but it's like something just keeps pouring poison between us. And what I don't want, is to have all of those good memories... Replaced by moments like that. When I looked at you, and I saw that you didn't believe me...","David: No. I know. I am so sorry.","MMB: I know. I know.","David: But, I love you.","MMB: And that... Is what makes it all so sad.","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(Rumpelstiltskin is spinning straw at his wheel, when Baelfire enters.)","Baelfire: Papa! Papa. I found it. I-I found a way for things to be like they were. I want you to come with me. I can make things right. Have you heard of the Reul Ghorm?","Rumpelstiltskin: The Blue Star. The Blue Fairy? Oh, son, please tell me you didn't. Fairy magic doesn't mix well with what I am.","Baelfire: But you promised. She can help us. To take us to a place without magic.","Rumpelstiltskin: A place without magic? I'd be powerless. Weak.","Baelfire: Like everyone else. It wouldn't matter. We'd be happy.","Rumpelstiltskin: We could be happy here.","Baelfire: Father, please. You're getting worse. And you promised. This can work. It can. You made a deal with me. Are you backing out?","Rumpelstiltskin: No.","-[Real World]-","(Mr. Gold knocks on Archie's door. Archie answers.)","Archie: Mr. Gold? Are you here for the rent?","Mr. Gold: Why does everyone ask that?","Archie: Well, because you, uh... Never mind. Would... Would you like to talk?","Mr. Gold: I don't know.","Archie: Well, um... If you'd like to get something off your chest, please come in.","(The two of them go to sit in Archie's office.)","Archie: A son? Wow, I-I didn't know you had a son. How... How old is he?","Mr. Gold: Let's start with something easier.","Archie: O-Okay. Um, what do you mean to say that you may have found him?","Mr. Gold: Let's just say, there's someone acting the way I would expect them to act.","Archie: So, you... So, you recognize him?","Mr. Gold: Maybe. Or, perhaps, I'm just seeing what I want to see. I don't know.","Archie: Okay, well, I mean, wouldn't he recognize you?","Mr. Gold: There was conflict. I'm not sure he's ready for a tear soaked reunion.","Archie: So, he sought you out and he's hanging back? Maybe, he's watching to see if he's welcome. Looking for a sign that all is forgiven.","Mr. Gold: No, no, no. He's not the one that needs to be... I think he might still be very angry.","Archie: Anger between a parent and a child is the most natural thing in the world.","Mr. Gold: I think he might be here to try to kill me.","Archie: Ah. Right. That's... That's not.","Mr. Gold: I let him go. I've spent my entire life since trying to fix it, and now, he's finally here. And I just don't know what to do.","Archie: Be honest. Just tell him what you told me, and ask him for forgiveness. And when you're face-to-face, you'll know what to do.","Mr. Gold: Honesty's never been the best colour on me.","Archie: There's no other way.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(August is roaming around outside of the cabin in the woods, seemingly searching for something. Mr. Gold appears and confronts him.)","Mr. Gold: I know who you are. And I know what you're looking for.","August: Well, then... I guess all the lying can stop... Papa.","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(Baelfire and Rumpelstiltskin head through the forest to a clearing.)","Rumpelstiltskin: Where are we going, boy? What kind of world is this we're going to? What kind of world is without magic?","Baelfire: A better one.","(Baelfire pulls out the magic bean and throws it on the ground. A green vortex forms in the ground.)","Rumpelstiltskin: My gods, boy! It's like a tornado!","Baelfire: We have to go through it!","Rumpelstiltskin: No, no! I don't think I can!","Baelfire: We must! It's the only way!","Rumpelstiltskin: No, no, no, no, no, no! It's a trick! It'll tear us apart!","Baelfire: It's not! It'll be okay! I promise!","(Baelfire gets pulled down towards the vortex. Rumpelstiltskin hangs on to him.)","Baelfire: Papa! We have to go through! What are you doing? Papa! It won't stay open long! Let go!","Rumpelstiltskin: I can't! I can't!","Baelfire: Papa, please! It's the only way we can be together!","Rumpelstiltskin: No, Bae! I can't!","Baelfire: Papa, please!","Rumpelstiltskin: I can't!","Baelfire: You coward! You promised! Don't break our deal!","Rumpelstiltskin: I have to!","Baelfire: Papa!","(Rumpelstiltskin can no longer hang on, and Baelfire gets sucked into the vortex. The vortex disappears, leaving only a hole in the ground behind.)","Rumpelstiltskin: Bae? Bae! No, no, no, no, no. No, no, Bae. I'm sorry, Bae!","(He begins to start digging.)","Rumpelstiltskin: I want to come with you! I want to come with you, Bae! I want to come with you! Bae! Bae! Bae!","-[Real World]-","(Mr. Gold and August are still outside of the cabin in the woods.)","Mr. Gold: You were right, Bae. You were always right. I was a coward, and I never should've let you go. I know it's little consolation, but... I just want you to know, that ever since you left, ever since you crossed the barriers of time and space, in every waking moment... I've been looking for you. And now that I've finally found you... I know I can't make up for the past, for the lost time. All I can do, is to ask you to do what you've always done. And that's to be the bigger man... And forgive me. I'm so sorry, son. I'm so sorry, Bae.","(August goes to hug him, and Mr. Gold returns the embrace.)","Mr. Gold: Oh, my boy. My beautiful boy. Can you truly, truly forgive me?","August: I forgive you, Papa.","Mr. Gold: You were looking for the knife.","August: I thought that if you still had it, it would mean that you hadn't changed.","Mr. Gold: Well, let's go and find it and see.","(The two of them go to a spot in the woods. August begins digging with a shovel.)","Mr. Gold: I buried it here shortly after Emma came to town. Things were changing. Didn't want to take the chance of Regina finding it.","August: Of course.","Mr. Gold: It should be right about here, son. Here. Look, look.","(Mr. Gold picks up the dagger out of the hole, which is wrapped in a cloth. He unwraps the dagger and hands it to August.)","Mr. Gold: I want you to take it. Destroy it, the way I know you always wanted to. I found you, and I don't need it anymore. I chose it once. Now, I choose you.","(August takes the dagger and examines it.)","August: It's remarkable.","(August holds up the dagger and points it at Mr. Gold.)","August: By the power of the darkness, I command thee... Dark One.","Mr. Gold: You're trying to control me?","August: I command thee, Dark One!","Mr. Gold: You're not my son. You're not Baelfire.","August: Papa, why would you say that? I'm just trying to use your power to help us.","Mr. Gold: Enough! It's over, Booth. Or whoever you are. My son would never try to use me. And he would know, that this knife cannot harness any magic in this world, because there is no magic in this world. That's why he chose this place. He didn't want me...","(Mr. Gold grabs the dagger from August.)","Mr. Gold: Dabbling.","August: So, why bury a useless knife?","Mr. Gold: Oh, I wouldn't say it was useless. It still cuts through flesh rather nicely. It's about time you start answering some questions, sunshine. Why the theatrics? Why didn't you just come to me?","August: I needed you to work for it. I needed you to want it so bad, you would ignore what your eyes were seeing. Do I even look like him at all?","Mr. Gold: How do you know about this knife?","August: I hear things.","(Mr. Gold points the dagger at August, until he ends up backed up against a tree.)","Mr. Gold: No one here knows about this knife.","August: No one here remembers.","Mr. Gold: And, yet, you do. You're from there, aren't you? From my world.","August: The fact that you're asking the question means you know the answer.","Mr. Gold: Well, now that that's settled...","(Mr. Gold lunges at August, pinning him against the tree behind him. He holds the dagger to his throat.)","Mr. Gold: How about my other question? Who told you about me and the knife?","August: A little fairy.","Mr. Gold: Why did you want it? If you know who I am, then you know who I am. The chances of you surviving this little encounter are pretty slim. So, why take the risk?","August: Because I'll die anyway.","Mr. Gold: What?","August: I'm sick. I'm sick, and I need magic. I was going to get the saviour to believe. But that woman... I don't think I'm going to make it long enough to see that happen.","(Mr. Gold removes the dagger from August's throat.)","Mr. Gold: She trusts you - it might be enough. Try again.","August: You're going to let me live?","Mr. Gold: You're going to die either way. This way, at least I might get something out of it.","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(Rumpelstiltskin is in a clearing in the forest.)","Rumpelstiltskin: Reul Ghorm! Show yourself!","(The Blue Fairy appears.)","Rumpelstiltskin: How do I follow him?","Blue Fairy: You had the way, you didn't take it. And there are no more magic beans.","Rumpelstiltskin: That's a lie.","Blue Fairy: We don't do that.","Rumpelstiltskin: A lie.","Blue Fairy: You will never make it to that world.","Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, I'll find a way. There must be other paths. A realm jumper?","Blue Fairy: No.","Rumpelstiltskin: A time turner?","Blue Fairy: No.","Rumpelstiltskin: A mage?","Blue Fairy: There is no-","Rumpelstiltskin: A curse?","Blue Fairy: No.","Rumpelstiltskin: Ah! So, it is a curse.","Blue Fairy: Of course you would think of a curse instead of a blessing. Your magic is limited by its own rotten core, Rumpelstiltskin. Anyway, it can't be done. Not without a great price.","Rumpelstiltskin: I've already paid a great price.","Blue Fairy: So, you'd be willing to sacrifice this world for the next? Because that's how great the price is.","Rumpelstiltskin: Well, what do you think?","Blue Fairy: Well, then I'll comfort myself knowing that such a curse is beyond your abilities.","Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, for now. But I've got all the time in the world. I will do nothing else, I will love nothing else. I will find a way. You took my son, but I will get him back.","Blue Fairy: I didn't take your son.","Rumpelstiltskin: You took my son, but I will get him back!","Blue Fairy: You drove him away.","(He swipes at her with his dagger. The Blue Fairy disappears.)","Rumpelstiltskin: I will find him! I will find him! I will find him...","-[Real World]-","(Emma arrives back at the station, where she finds Regina waiting for her.)","Regina: Congratulations, Sheriff Swan. There's about to be a big break in your case. You just got yourself a confession. But, I want you to listen to the whole explanation, so you understand why this happened.","Emma: Oh, I'll hang on every word you say.","Regina: Sidney. You can come in now.","(Sidney enters.)","Regina: Tell her what you told me.","Sidney: It was me. I confess. I abducted Kathryn, and I held her in the basement of an abandoned summer home by the lake. I bribed a lab tech to get me the heart from the hospital, and I used that same person to doctor the lab results.","Regina: And the other thing.","Sidney: I...borrowed some skeleton keys from Regina and...planted the knife in your apartment.","Regina: My keys. Can't help but feel personally violated about that part.","Emma: I am supposed to believe you did this for why now?","Sidney: I was going to find her after the conviction, be a hero. Then, get the inside track on the biggest story to ever hit this town. I'd get my job back. Plus, a novel, and a movie, and... I don't know. It sounds crazy now.","Emma: I don't know about crazy. But false, yes. False as hell.","Sidney: I have maps to where the house is. You'll find chains in the basement. Lots of fingerprints, I'm sure - hers and mine. But, I didn't hurt her.","Regina: The man has obviously suffered some kind of mental break. He clearly hasn't been himself for a while.","Emma: Yeah. It's like his words aren't his at all.","Regina: Wow. You are so sold on your own rush to judgment that you can't even see the truth anymore.","Emma: A word in the hallway, please.","(Regina and Emma meet in the hall alone.)","Emma: Well, that's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard.","Regina: I'm pretty sure that's not true.","Emma: That poor man. I know you are behind all this. I understand that you own the game, and that you've set the board so that no one else can win. But I am about to start playing an entirely different game. I don't care about what happens to you. I don't care about what happens to me. All I care about, is what happens to my kid. And you are going to leave him alone.","Regina: Am I?","Emma: Uh-uh. I'm talking. You're a sociopath, lady. You tried to take away someone that I love. And now... I'm going to take away someone you love. I am taking back my son.","-[End]-"],"Show Title":"Once Upon A Time","Episode Number":"01x19","Episode Title":"The Return","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Once_Upon_A_Time_02x02.json","Recap":["While Regina continues to find a way to regain her magical powers, David continues his quest to uncover the whereabouts of Mary Margaret and Emma; and the seven dwarves discover what happens when any of the townspeople try to step past the city limits of Storybrooke. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was, as her wedding day to King Leopold approaches, Regina is confronted by a man of magic who promises to help her become independent and break free from her mother Cora's clutches."],"Transcript":["-[Real World]-","(Leroy and the rest of the 'dwarves' are gathered by the Storybrooke sign at the edge of the forest. Leroy spray paints an orange line, indicating the border of the town, while he lectures.)","Leroy: This, gentlemen, is our mission. The great barrier of our existence - does it remain? We must investigate the line.","(He pulls out a handful of straws.)","Leroy: I made straws. Short one crosses. Draw.","(The dwarves each pick a straw, one by one.)","Happy: With the curse broken, we can cross, right? It should be no problem.","Walter: With magic back, it could be even worse now.","Doc: Like, vapourize us.","Bashful: Let's go home.","Leroy: Guys! We are the Royal Guard. Towards loyalty to Snow White. This is our chance to prove ourselves to the Prince. We must do this.","(Everyone finishes picking straws.)","Leroy: Show your hands.","(They reveal their straws. Mr. Clark ends up with the short straw.)","Leroy: You're up, snotty.","(Leroy leads Mr. Clark to the border. However, he hesitates to step over it.)","Mr. Clark: You know, what if we found a turtle and sort of nudged it over first?","Leroy: Oh, for the love of...","(Leroy pushes Mr. Clark over the line. The second he crosses, a magical force begins to act on him.)","Leroy: Sneezy, you okay? Sneezy!","[SCENE_BREAK]","(On the main street, a few townspeople are attempting to clear away the damage caused by the wraith. Meanwhile, at August's room at Granny's, August's wooden form is still lying on the bed. He blinks. Outside of the town hall, the citizens of Storybrooke have set up a Crisis Center. Marco is putting up 'missing' posters of Pinocchio.)","Marco: My boy... My poor boy.","(Ruby appears to be one of the coordinators.)","Ruby: If you are looking for a family member, come to the front table. If you need counseling, Dr. Hopper has a signup sheet. If the wraith damaged your house, there are cots at the school.","Mother Superior: This is getting out of hand. People are in a panic. They don't know what to do.","Ruby: It's okay. It'll be fine. We just need everyone to remain calm. I have a feeling our Prince is working on something right now.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(David knocks on Regina's door. When she answers, he lets himself in.)","David: Tell me...about this.","(He holds up Jefferson's crushed hat.)","Regina: Surprised you don't have armed guards 'round the clock.","David: Don't need 'em. We both know if you step outside, there's a line a mile long for your head.","Regina: Who's going to risk coming at me?","David: Take your chances, then. But I think that little wallpaper trick? Was an anomaly. If you had your abilities back, this town would be charcoal by now. You're having problems with magic, aren't you? Right now, the only thing keeping you alive? Is that Henry wishes it. Now, this.","Regina: It's the hat that pulled your loved ones away.","David: Well, where did you get it?","Regina: I've long since forgotten. You know what? Maybe, you should be less concerned with hats, and more concerned with taking care of my son.","David: Oh, because you took such great care of him.","Regina: I will not listen to child care lectures from a man who put his daughter in a box and shipped her to Maine.","David: Okay, listen. I need my family. There's magic here now. There will have to be ways to follow them.","Regina: Follow them where? Into a sucking airless void? And good luck getting magic to work. Because, as you said, you'd be charcoal.","David: Oh, frustrated, are we? Serves you right. You've earned every bit of this.","Regina: Keep on baiting me, Charming. Right now, I don't have magic and I don't have my son. But, when I get one, I get the other. And you don't want to be around when that happens.","David: If you have to use magic to keep your son, you don't really have him.","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(A young Evil Queen rides along a road in the woods on horseback.)","Evil Queen: We're almost free!","(Suddenly, several vines magically appear and pluck her from her horse, suspending her in the air. Cora appears with a book opened in her hands.)","Cora: And I thought we were done with all this nonsense.","Evil Queen: Hello, Mother. What evil have you conjured?","Cora: Not evil, darling. A barrier spell.","(Cora gently blows across the pages of the book, causing a black dust to lift off the pages. The vines release the Evil Queen.)","Cora: Designed to keep you where you belong.","Evil Queen: I can't leave?","Cora: Not alone. Not without the King. We've been through this. In two days, you'll be married - you'll be Queen. After that, you're free to go - whenever you're with him.","Evil Queen: Momma, I don't want to marry the King. I don't want this life!","Cora: You're just frightened of having all that power.","Evil Queen: I don't want power. I want to be free.","Cora: Power is freedom. Don't worry. I'm here to show you.","-[Real World]-","(David arrives at the Crisis Center, where he spots Henry.)","David: Henry! Have you seen Blue? Uh, Mother Superior?","Henry: No. But everyone is looking for you.","(Several people begin harassing David with questions.)","Ruby: Do we know where Rump- Mr. Gold is?","Archie: Wait! Does the Queen still have power?","Marco: I thought I would find my boy.","Henry: Please! We've got to be planning something!","Dr. Whale: Hey, let me ask you something? Are the nuns still nuns? Or can they, you know, date?","David: Uh, I don't know.","Dr. Whale: Don't say it's me asking...","David: Blue!","(He spots Mother Superior.)","David: Could there be a tree on this side? The way we sent Emma through as a baby. Maybe I could go after them that way.","Mother Superior: It's possible, but without fairy dust to guide us here... No, it's hopeless.","Henry: You'll find another way. In the book, things always look worse right before there's good news.","(Leroy, along with the rest of the group, comes rushing in.)","Leroy: Terrible news! Terrible news! We were out at the town limits. Tell them who you think you are, Sneezy.","Mr. Clark: Oh, will you stop calling me that. You know who I am. I'm Tom Clark. I own the Dark Star(?) Pharmacy. What's going on here?","Leroy: If you cross the border, you lose your memory all over again.","Archie: A-And coming back doesn't fix it?","Leroy: If it did, would I have come running in yelling 'terrible news'?! If we leave, our curse selves become our only selves.","(The crowd begins to panic.)","Henry: I wonder if my mom knows?","(David separates himself from the crowd and attempts to leave, while Henry and the rest of them follow.)","Henry: I can help!","David: People! Everybody! Everybody meet back here in two hours. I'll tell you my plan to fix everything.","(Ruby talks to David alone.)","Ruby: What's the plan?","David: I don't know. But I got two hours to figure it out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(In her living room, Regina attempts to magically light a candle.)","Regina: Come on...","(The candle briefly flickers, and then goes out.)","Regina: Light, damn you!","(She picks up the candle and throws it in the fireplace in frustration. She heads to the front door, where she tentatively surveys the area outside her house. Seeing that the coast is clear, she starts to walk to her car, when she is approached by Archie.)","Archie: Regina! I thought you might want to talk.","Regina: Oh, right. The conscience thing.","Archie: It's what I do.","Regina: I'm in no mood.","Archie: That's too bad, cause... Cause I think talking about your pain might be very helpful. Might help you learn who you truly are.","Regina: I know who I am.","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(At the castle, the Evil Queen is doing a young Snow White's hair.)","Evil Queen: What do you think, Snow?","Snow White: It looks beautiful.","Evil Queen: No, dear. You look beautiful.","(Snow White looks in the jewelry box on the table next to her, and pulls out Daniel's ring. It is attached to a chain.)","Snow White: What's this?","Evil Queen: What? That's mine.","(Snow White puts the ring around her neck.)","Snow White: It's pretty. Where did you get it?","Evil Queen: Daniel gave it to me.","Snow White: The stable boy. The one who left you.","Evil Queen: He didn't leave me.","Snow White: What?","Evil Queen: He was killed.","Snow White: Oh, no...","Evil Queen: He was killed because you couldn't keep a secret from my mother.","Snow White: By... But she said... She told me she was going to help you.","(The Evil Queen pulls on the chain around Snow White's neck and begins to strangle her.)","Evil Queen: My mother corrupts young souls. If you were stronger, none of this would have happened.","(The scene cuts to reality. The Evil Queen and Snow White are in the same setting.)","Snow White: It's pretty. Where did you get it?","Evil Queen: I don't remember.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The Evil Queen and Henry I are walking outside the castle.)","Evil Queen: Daddy, you don't know what Mother's doing to me. It's like she's turning me into her. I have to get away.","Henry I: Get away? But tomorrow's the wedding, child.","Evil Queen: I don't want to marry the King. I've told you that.","Henry I: Well, you're certain it isn't just cold feet?","Evil Queen: Daddy, this is not cold feet. This... This is... This is insanity. I'm angry all the time. She's making me crazy.","Henry I: She wants to give you everything she never got for herself.","Evil Queen: I don't want her life. I want a life of my own. How did she get like this?","Henry I: There was a man. Well, not quite a man. Someone Cora knew before I met her. He brought magic to her. Gave her that book of spells. He made her like she is.","Evil Queen: What was his name?","Henry I: I don't know. Cora won't even say it.","Evil Queen: But the book is his?","-[Real World]-","(Regina enters Mr. Gold's Pawn Shop. Seeing that he's not there, she begins to rummage through his books. Mr. Gold enters.)","Mr. Gold: The library's beneath the clock tower. You closed it, remember? When you still had power.","Regina: I need the book. I need to get my son back.","Mr. Gold: Which book? Ah. So, it's come down to that, eh? You need your mommy's help?","Regina: Give me the book.","Mr. Gold: Do you really need the smell of the written word to get the magic flowing again, love? Maybe if you relaxed, it would just happen.","Regina: I don't have time. It worked once, I know I can do it. I just... I just need a shortcut back.","Mr. Gold: Yeah, well, I don't have time, either. Leave. Please.","(Nothing happens.)","Regina: Well, how about that. Your 'pleases' have lost their punch.","Mr. Gold: Well, the fact remains, jumpstarting your magic is not in my best interest.","Regina: You know what else isn't in your best interest? Having everyone know the Enchanted Forest still exists. Knowing that, you and I, are keeping that little secret. You're up to something. And it doesn't involve going back home.","(Regina goes to look in a chest on the counter, but Mr. Gold stops her. He magically produces the book.)","Mr. Gold: Careful, dearie. These are straight up spells. Rough in the system.","Regina: I don't care if they turn me green. I'm getting my son back.","(She grabs the book from him and heads to the door.)","Mr. Gold: Oh my...","Regina: What?","Mr. Gold: It's just, holding that... I told you once you didn't look like her, but now... Now I can see it.","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(The Evil Queen attempts to summon Rumpelstiltskin in her chambers. She has difficulty pronouncing his name.)","Evil Queen: Rumpelshtil- Rumpelshtilshin, I summon thee.","(Rumpelstiltskin appears.)","Rumpelstiltskin: That's not how you say it, dearie. But then, you didn't have to say anything.","Evil Queen: What are you?","Rumpelstiltskin: What, what, what. My, my. What a rude question. I am not a 'what'.","Evil Queen: I'm sorry. I... I don't really know what I'm doing.","Rumpelstiltskin: That much is clear. Allow me to introduce myself - Rumpelstiltskin.","Evil Queen: And I'm-","Rumpelstiltskin: Regina. I know.","Evil Queen: You do?","Rumpelstiltskin: But of course.","Evil Queen: Because of my mother, Cora. You taught her?","Rumpelstiltskin: My legend precedes me.","Evil Queen: People say I look like her when she was younger.","Rumpelstiltskin: Really?","(He takes a closer look at her.)","Rumpelstiltskin: I don't see it. No, that's not how I know you.","Evil Queen: Oh? How then?","Rumpelstiltskin: I knew you long ago, dearie. It's been some time, but I knew this day would come. I've been waiting for it. And I'm so happy, we're back where we belong.","Evil Queen: And where's that?","Rumpelstiltskin: Together.","-[Real World]-","(Regina is sitting under her apple tree, tightly grasping the book she received from Mr. Gold.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(At Mary Margaret's apartment, David practices a speech in front of the mirror while Henry watches.)","David: People of Storybrooke. I know we're trapped together again, and things look bleak. But... They're not.","Henry: No, keep going. You were on to something.","David: No, I wasn't. I did the fighting, Snow did the talking.","(David pulls the hat out of his bag.)","Henry: Can I see that?","David: Yeah.","Henry: I think I know what this is.","(Henry flips through the pages in his book until he finds the story about the Mad Hatter.)","Henry: It's the Mad Hatter's hat. It's a portal between worlds.","David: The Mad Matter...","Henry: You've heard of him?","David: No. I-I mean, yeah. I mean, the prince me doesn't know him, but David had memories of reading Alice in Wonderland in school. I need to get it to work again. Who is he? I-I mean, who is he here?","Henry: I don't know. Maybe he'll check in at the Crisis Center. You could check after the thing.","David: What thing?","Henry: The meeting? Where you tell us about your plan, remember? The speech you were doing?","David: Right. I'll be back for that.","(David leaves while Henry tries to come with him.)","Henry: Gramps, you got to use me. Come on! The curse was broken cause of me. Let me help!","(He hears the door shut.)","Henry: Or...not.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Mr. Gold is packing a bag with several brochures and maps, when David barges in.)","Mr. Gold: It appears when I bought that closed sign, I was just throwing my money away.","David: Looks like it.","Mr. Gold: Sorry to hear about your wife and daughter. If you're looking for a retrieval, I'm afraid portal jumping is just outside my purview.","David: Of course it is.","Mr. Gold: So, what's the commotion outside?","David: Oh, a little stir at the border. Problem crossing the line.","Mr. Gold: Do tell.","David: Actually, I'm here to buy something. A way to find someone.","Mr. Gold: Well, like a map?","David: Something with a bit more kick. Like the ring you gave me to find Snow.","Mr. Gold: Ah, yeah, magic. Whom are you following?","David: Not telling.","Mr. Gold: So, do you have something of theirs, this missing person?","David: Yes.","Mr. Gold: May I see it?","David: No.","(Mr. Gold pulls a vial out of the box behind him.)","Mr. Gold: Pour this on the object, and then follow it. So simple, even David Nolan could do it.","(He holds it in front of him, but pulls away when David goes to take it.)","David: What do you want?","Mr. Gold: Peace. Leave me alone.","David: What do you care what David Nolan does?","Mr. Gold: Oh, no. It's Charming I worry about. I'd like a little non-interference guarantee.","David: Fine. If, you give me the same. You and I - we stay out of each other's way.","(He hands the potion over.)","Mr. Gold: Thank you for your business.","(David starts to leave, but Mr. Gold interrupts him.)","Mr. Gold: So, uh, what happens when you try and cross the border?","David: You lose your memory of everything of our old lives. Looks like we're stuck here.","(David exits. Mr. Gold smashes two of his display cases with his cane.)","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(The Evil Queen and Rumpelstiltskin are still talking at the castle.)","Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, yes. I know everything about you, my dear. I held you in my arms. You were younger. More... Portable. There is much history between your family and me. History both in the past, and in the future.","Evil Queen: Then, can you help me?","Rumpelstiltskin: Possibly, yes. You seek power. The death of your enemies... The death of your friends?","Evil Queen: No! I don't want to hurt anyone.","Rumpelstiltskin: Hard to believe you're from the same family.","(He starts to stroke the sides of her face.)","Rumpelstiltskin: So... Kind. So... Gentle. So... Powerful. You could do so much, if you just let yourself.","Evil Queen: But, I don't know how.","Rumpelstiltskin: Well, let me show you the way.","(A large, wrapped object appears.)","Evil Queen: How did-","Rumpelstiltskin: Magic. It can set you free.","Evil Queen: I don't want to do that - use magic. That's what she does. I don't want to end up like her.","Rumpelstiltskin: No, no, of course not. But that's the beauty of my gift. You don't have to. 'It' will do it for you.","Evil Queen: What is it?","Rumpelstiltskin: A portal. A passage between lands. This is a portal to a specific, annoying little world. Use to me, but, for your purposes, a perfect. You're unlikely ever to see her again. All she needs is a little push. The question is, can you do it?","-[Real World]-","(Regina is still sitting under her apple tree with the book. She opens it to a page depicting a tree. She gently blows across the pages, causing a black dust to lift from the pages. She inhales the dust, causing her eyes to faintly glow for a moment. The black rotten apples on the tree turn ripe once again.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(On the main street, David pours the potion on top of the hat. Nothing happens for a second, then the hat lifts up and flies through the air. David follows the hat to a flipped car, where there is a voice calling out from the inside. He pries open the door, revealing Jefferson.)","Jefferson: Ah, thank you. No one heard me.","David: You okay?","(Jefferson nods.)","David: Good. That means we can talk.","(David drags Jefferson out of the car.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The entire town is gathered at the town hall for the meeting. Henry is attempting to call David, who still hasn't arrived.)","Henry: Come on, Gramps. Pick up. Come on...","Ruby: Please, everyone. Just be patient. I'm sure he's going to be here any second.","(Granny is wandering around with her crossbow.)","Ruby: Granny, do you really need that?","Granny: We've got a lawless town, Ruby. Damn right I need it.","Ruby: Try calling him again.","Henry: He's not picking up.","Ruby: Just keep trying.","(Regina makes a grand entrance into the room and casually walks to the front.)","Regina: My, what a nice turnout. No need for a fuss. It's just little old me.","Archie: Regina. Think about what you're doing.","Regina: Bug.","(She magically throws Archie across the room.)","Leroy: Hey!","(She does the same to Leroy. Granny then fires an arrow at Regina, but Regina simply catches it.)","Regina: How sweet.","(She sets the arrow on fire, transforming it into a fireball. She flings it into the crowd, ultimately catching part of the wall on fire.)","Ruby: What do you want?","Henry: Me. She wants me. Okay, I'll come with you. Just leave them alone.","Regina: That's my boy.","(Regina puts her arm around Henry's shoulder and leads him out.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(David and Jefferson are sitting at a table outside. The hat is in between them.)","David: Can you get me through?","Jefferson: No.","David: Can you get them back?","(Jefferson rolls his eyes.)","David: Can you get it to work?","Jefferson: If you only knew.","David: Okay. You had a little girl's tea set in your car and a stuffed rabbit toy, so I'm thinking you have a daughter you love. Well, I do, too. And a wife. And they're out there somewhere. In the Enchanted Forest, or a void, I don't even know. But I'm going to get them back.","Jefferson: They're in the Enchanted Forest, that's for sure. I just can't get there.","David: It still exists?","Jefferson: It exists. I don't know if that matters, since we can't go there.","David: So, you won't help me?","Jefferson: I'm a portal jumper, and you destroyed my portal, so you're out of luck.","(David grabs Jefferson by his shirt collar.)","David: Well, I'm the closest thing left to a sheriff here, so I can just throw you in a cell until you figure out a way.","Jefferson: Then all we'll do is both sit. Stuck. Two lives in our heads, cursed worse than ever. Two lives, forever at odds. Double the pain, double the suffering.","(Jefferson suddenly bolts from the table and begins running down the main street. While chasing after him, David is stopped by Ruby.)","Ruby: David, stop!","David: Get out of my way!","Ruby: Regina has Henry.","David: But he has the way!","Ruby: She has Henry! She's threatening everyone.","David: She has Henry?","Ruby: She showed up at your town meeting - the one you missed. Her magic's back. Everyone's panicking. They want to leave town - they're going to lose everything.","David: Okay. Okay, but I have to go after him first. He's my only hope of finding a way to get Emma and Snow back.","Ruby: Back to what? This town is about to come apart. You've got to do something.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Regina and Henry arrive home. The first thing Henry does is run upstairs.)","Regina: Now, I don't want you to think that things are just going to go back to how they used to be. Henry!","(In the his room, Henry pulls out a preprepared rope made of blankets and throws it out the window. He doesn't get very far until Regina stops him with magical vines.)","Regina: Don't fight it, honey. You'll get a splinter.","(The two of them are sitting in Henry's room.)","Henry: How long am I in prison? Till I grow up?","Regina: Henry, I rescued you because I love you.","Henry: So, I'm a prisoner because you love me. That's not fair.","Regina: You know where I come from. That was really not fair. Of all the places I've seen, this is the fairest of them all.","Henry: You ruined lives. You sent away Mary Margaret and Emma.","Regina: That was an accident.","Henry: The way you treated me wasn't an accident. You made it so no one believed me. You made me feel like I was crazy.","Regina: But that's all going to change, now. Henry, you can know all the secrets. You can live in a house with magic. Look what I could do.","(Regina magically conjures a giant cupcake.)","Regina: And I can teach you. You can do this and so much more. You can have all the friends you want come over any time, and you can show them everything in your book.","Henry: No one's going to want to come over here. They're scared of you.","Regina: You can make them not be scared. You can make them love you.","Henry: I don't want that. I don't want to be you.","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(The Evil Queen is dressed for her wedding. Cora enters and sees Rumpelstiltskin's 'gift'.)","Cora: What's this?","Evil Queen: I don't know. A gift?","Cora: Maybe it's a portrait.","(Cora magically removes the covering, revealing the portal, which is a looking glass.)","Cora: Oh, a looking glass. Not nearly as personal. I wonder, sometimes, if the people really love you.","Evil Queen: I'm doing my best, Mother.","Cora: Oh, honey. I'm sorry. Come here.","(The two of the them stand in front of the looking glass.)","Cora: Look at you with your whole life ahead of you. And it's going to be better than you can imagine. The King's not a strong man. The kingdom will be yours. Raise the tributes, form a personal guard, let everyone know where the new power lies, and you'll hold the hearts of your people in your hands.","Evil Queen: Is that what you would do, Mother?","Cora: That's exactly what I would do.","Evil Queen: Well, the thing is, I don't want to be you.","(The Evil Queen lunges at Cora, but is stopped by her magic.)","Cora: What are you doing? You think it's that easy to get rid of me? You're stuck with me forever, darling. Because I'm your mother, and I know best.","(Rumpelstiltskin appears in the looking glass behind Cora, making a pushing gesture. The Evil Queen's anger appears to build, and then is released as magic. Cora is thrown backwards through the portal, which then shatters.)","-[Real World]-","(The citizens of Storybrooke have all packed up their cars and are heading along the road leading to the border of the town. David and Ruby are in the car ahead of them. They stop, angling the car sideways in order to block the way. Everyone angrily gets out of their cars, while David and Ruby get out to confront them.)","Archie: Get out of the way! We have a right to go!","David: Listen to me! Listen!","(The mob goes quiet.)","David: If you cross that line, you're going to be lost. Everyone who loves you will lose you. But there's something worse - you'll lose yourself. Look, I get wanting to leave here, I do. And I get that it's easier to let go of bad memories, but... Even bad memories are part of us. David, Storybrooke David, was - is - weak, confused. And he hurt the woman I love. I wouldn't give up being Charming just to be him, but, you know what? I wouldn't make the other trade, either. Because that David reminds me, not only of who I lost, but of who I want to be. My weaknesses, and my strengths. David, and the Prince. I am both - just like you. You are both. The town is both. We are both. Stay here, and every choice is open to you. Live in the woods if you want. Hell, live in a shoe if you want. Or eat frozen burritos and write software. Let's open Granny's and the school. And get back to work. I will protect you. She won't be able to hurt any of us. Not as long as I'm alive. Not as long as we all come together. As we did before. As we shall do again.","(Everyone is silent. Finally, everyone starts back to their cars.)","-[Fairy Tale World]-","(The Evil Queen is heading along the path leading from the castle on horseback. She encounters Rumpelstiltskin.)","Rumpelstiltskin: Leaving, are we?","Evil Queen: That was always the plan.","(The Evil Queen gets off her horse and hands him the spell book.)","Evil Queen: Here. A gift. I don't want it.","Rumpelstiltskin: Uh, can't be a gift. It was mine to start with.","(She turns to get back on her horse.)","Rumpelstiltskin: Before you go... Answer me this - how did it feel?","Evil Queen: I loved my mother.","Rumpelstiltskin: B-But that's not what I asked, dearie. How did it feel to use magic?","Evil Queen: It doesn't matter. I-I'll never use it again.","Rumpelstiltskin: Why not?","Evil Queen: Because I loved it.","Rumpelstiltskin: You've discovered who you are. You could do so much now, if you let me show you how.","Evil Queen: Through magic?","Rumpelstiltskin: Through many things.","Evil Queen: And what do you get out of it?","Rumpelstiltskin: Someday, you'll do something for me. Let me guide you.","Evil Queen: And I won't become like her?","Rumpelstiltskin: That, dearie, is entirely up to you.","-[Real World]-","(David barges into Regina's house, equipped with his sword.)","David: I want to see him.","(David brings the sword up to Regina's neck.)","Regina: Henry, come down! You won't be using your sword.","David: Whatever you conjure, I can fight.","Regina: I mean, you won't need your sword.","(She gently pushes the blade away. Henry comes down the stairs.)","Regina: Henry, you're going to go home with David.","Henry: Really?","Regina: Really. I shouldn't have brought you here. I was... I don't know how to love very well. I wasn't capable of it for a very long time, but I know I remember... If you hold onto someone too hard, that doesn't make them love you. I'm sorry I lied to you. And that I made you feel like I didn't know who you are. But I want you to be here, because you want to be here. Not because I forced you, and not because of magic. I want to redeem myself. Go get your things.","(Henry runs back upstairs, leaving Regina and David alone.)","David: Then prove it.","Regina: How?","David: Answer one question - does it exist?","Regina: What?","David: The Enchanted Forest - our land. Does it still exist?","Regina: Yes. But I have no idea how to get back there. I can see I just launched you on a heroic quest. Just also make sure you take care of my son?","David: That, I can do.","(Henry returns with his things. The two of them leave the house.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(On the main street of Storybrooke, all of the businesses are reopening. The dwarves, armed with their pick axes, file out of a building. They cross paths with Mr. Clark.)","Mr. Clark: What do you need those for?","Leroy: Don't worry, brother. You've lost something. It's going to take fairy dust to get it back. So, we're going to do what we do best. Come on, boys. It's off to work we go.","(Elsewhere, in Granny's Diner, Marco is sitting at a table having coffee. Henry and David enter. Henry whispers something in Marco's ear. Marco arrives at August's room at the inn, which he discovers unoccupied. He finds Pinocchio's childhood hat on the desk. At the town border in the forest, Mr. Gold stands in front of the spray painted line. Meanwhile, Regina goes to burn the spell book, but hesitates. She ends up keeping the book and locking it in a cabinet.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Henry and David are eating at the counter in Granny's Diner.)","David: Hey. It exists, Henry. The Enchanted Forest is still out there.","Henry: And... So are they.","David: Yeah.","Henry: But, how do we know they survived the trip there?","David: Because I can feel it.","-[Present Fairy Tale World]-","(As they travel across the deserted Fairy Tale World, Mulan and Aurora have bound Emma and Mary Margaret's wrists and are pulling them along behind their horses.)","MMB: What is this place?","Mulan: Our home.","(They arrive at an island, which is populated by the remaining Enchanted Forest inhabitants. They have set up a village-like encampment.)","Emma: It's like they're refuges.","Mulan: We're survivors.","(Mary Margaret knees Aurora in the gut and makes a run for it.)","MMB: Emma, run!","(Emma follows, but Mary Margaret is struck down by Mulan and knocked unconscious. Emma tries to wake her.)","Emma: Mary Margaret! Mary Margaret! What did you do?!","Mulan: Take them to the pit.","(Emma and Mary Margaret are literally thrown in the dungeon by the guards.)","Emma: Be careful! Come on... Wake up. Can you hear me?","(A voice speaks, but the person is obscured by the shadows.)","Voice: Do you need help?","Emma: Who are you?","Voice: A friend.","(The person emerges from the shadows, and turns out to be Cora.)","Cora: My name's Cora.","-[End]-"],"Show Title":"Once Upon A Time","Episode Number":"02x02","Episode Title":"We are Both","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Once_Upon_A_Time_02x12.json","Recap":["Dr. Whale is tasked with mending Hook's wounds and performing surgery on the stranger whose car crashed upon entering Storybrooke. But some of the townspeople fear that the stranger may have seen magic -- which could expose their true identities to the world -- and think that leaving him to die would be the best solution. Meanwhile, as Mr. Gold tries to reunite with a despondent Belle, Cora attempts to reunite with daughter Regina; and in the land that was, Victor desperately wants to prove to his disapproving father that he can, indeed, bring back the dead."],"Transcript":["-[Storybrooke]-","(The situation is chaotic at the town line. Mr. Gold holds an injured and confused Belle, Hook is unconscious at the side of the road, and the 'outsider' is still in the crashed car. In the distance, sirens are heard approaching.)","Belle: Who are you? What's going on?","Mr. Gold: Shh... Let me... Let me. Let me.","(Mr. Gold magically heals Belle's injuries.)","Mr. Gold: All better. Good.","Belle: How did you do that?","Mr. Gold: It's nothing to be afraid of.","Belle: Get away.","Mr. Gold: Shh. Belle, please.","Belle: What are you?!","(Emma, David, and Mary Margaret arrive on the scene via squad car. David gets out and runs towards Belle and Mr. Gold, with Mary Margaret trailing behind. Meanwhile, Emma radios for more assistance.)","David: Are you okay?","Emma: I'm at the town line. Two people down, maybe three. There's a car - pretty banged up with Pennsylvania plates.","David: What's going on?","Mr. Gold: She crossed over the line. She doesn't remember.","(Emma finds a now alert Hook at the side of the road.)","Hook: Hey, beautiful. Here, I didn't think you'd notice.","(She leans down and pushes on his ribs. He yells out in pain.)","Emma: Your ribs are broken.","Hook: Oh, that must be why it hurts when I laugh. Did you see his face? His one true love, gone in an instant! Just like Milah, crocodile! When you took her from me...","Mr. Gold: But you took her first.","(Mr. Gold lunges at Hook, digging his cane into his neck.)","Emma: Gold, are you insane?!","Mr. Gold: Yes, I am!","David: You can't do that!","Mr. Gold: I can if you let me go.","Emma: You don't want her to see that.","Mr. Gold: I'm a stranger to her.","Emma: Murder is a bad first impression.","David: What would Belle want you to do?","(An ambulance arrives, distracting Mr. Gold long enough for David to pull him off of Hook.)","David: Over here!","(The paramedics head towards Hook first, but Emma directs their attention to the driver of the car instead.)","Emma: No! Him! Take care of him. He can wait.","(Mary Margaret, who is still tending to Belle, overhears Emma.)","MMB: What?","Emma: There's someone in there.","MMB: Stay. I'll be right back.","(Emma and Mary Margaret watch as the paramedics look over the unconscious driver of the car.)","Emma: Do you know this guy?","MMB: I've never seen him before.","David: That's because he drove into town.","MMB: From the outside?","Emma: Looks like the world just came to Storybrooke.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(At the hospital, the voice over the intercom announces the arrival of the accident victims. Alone in another room, Dr. Whale listens to the announcements as he drinks. Outside the door, several other hospital workers can be heard.)","Man: Anybody seen the doctor?","Woman: Dr. Whale, we need you in the ER!","-[A Land Without Color]-","(Victor, Gerhardt, and Alphonse toast in the living room of their home. It is decorated with Christmas decorations.)","Victor: To the Frankensteins.","Gerhardt: To a fine new year, papa.","Alphonse: Thank you, Gerhardt. And let's have a better look at that medal.","(He looks over the medal pinned to Gerhardt's chest.)","Alphonse: My son. The Silver Cross.","Gerhardt: It's embarrassing to have everyone make such a fuss.","Victor: Well, that's your cross to bear, I suppose.","Alphonse: To the holiday. Something for both of my sons.","(Alphonse hands a small box to Gerhardt and a leather envelope to Victor.)","Gerhardt: Too small to be a pony.","(Gerhardt opens to the box, revealing a pocket watch inside.)","Alphonse: Your mother gave me that when we were married. It was her father's. She wanted to keep it in the family.","Gerhardt: I remember.","Alphonse: Open yours, Victor.","(Victor opens the envelope, revealing a piece of paper.)","Victor: A commission. Father, surely you're joking. My work is far too important to leave now.","Alphonse: I purchased you a commission. You will join the Mobile Thirty-fourth as their camp physician. It's an honour.","Gerhardt: Well, yes, of course. But I'm not sure you realize the important scientific work he's doing.","Alphonse: Certainly, but how will he do his work without my financial support?","Victor: Papa, I rely on that money.","Alphonse: I've already allowed you the use of our summer home for your foolish purposes. Isn't that enough?","Victor: I have made great progress! The name Frankenstein is going to stand for life! Life, everlasting here on Earth.","-[Storybrooke]-","(Hook and the driver of the car are wheeled into the hospital on stretchers by the paramedics, while the rest of the group from the accident site follow behind them.)","Belle: I don't know what's going on.","Paramedic: Car versus pedestrian. Chest trauma from the wheel. Pedestrian's got contusions, broken ribs.","Nurse: Go to X-ray. Pedestrian first.","Emma: Hide him.","Nurse: What?","Emma: Find a room and hide him.","(Mr. Gold enters.)","Mr. Gold: Belle. What's going on?","David: Get him out of here!","Mr. Gold: Well, what's happening? Belle!","Leroy: I'd like to know that myself.","Mr. Gold: Belle! Belle!","(Dr. Whale finally joins everyone.)","Dr. Whale: Everybody, calm down! Mr. Gold. Everything will be fine. She's in good hands here. I promise.","-[A Land Without Color]-","(Victor briskly walks away from the house towards his carriage, as Gerhardt runs after him.)","Gerhardt: Victor. Victor, wait. He'll cool off. Here. Take this.","(He extends the pocket watch to Victor.)","Gerhardt: You're the eldest. She wanted it for you.","Victor: No. Keep it. Don't worry about me. I'll find another way.","(Victor continues on towards his carriage, while Gerhardt turns to return inside. Rumpelstiltskin is shown watching the exchange from a distance.)","-[Storybrooke]-","(Mr. Gold watches Belle as she sleeps in her hospital bed. He leans over and kisses her on the lips. There is a brief pause where it seems like Belle may recognize him, but she then starts screaming.)","Mr. Gold: No, no, no, no, no.","(She continues to scream.)","Mr. Gold: No, no, no, no, no. I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry.","(Several nurses enter the room. Mr. Gold begins to back out of the room.)","Mr. Gold: I'm sorry.","Man: You okay?","Mr. Gold: I'm sorry...","(Mr. Gold exits.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(In another room in the hospital, Emma interrogates Hook, who is handcuffed to the bed.)","Emma: Where's Cora?","Hook: What?","(Hook goes to move his arm and realizes he's stuck.)","Hook: Again? You're really into this, aren't you? Damn, that hurts.","Emma: Told you - cracked a few ribs. Where's Cora?","Hook: You look good, I must say. All 'where's Cora?' in a commanding voice. Chills.","Emma: You have all sorts of sore places. I can make you hurt.","(Emma pushes her hand into his ribs, causing him to wince in pain.)","Hook: I have no idea where Cora is. She has her own agenda. Let's talk about something I am interested in - my hook. May I have it back? Or is there another attachment you'd prefer?","Emma: You're awfully chipper for a guy who just failed to kill his enemy, then got hit by a car.","Hook: Well, my ribs may be broken, but... Everything else is still intact. Which is more than can be said for other bad days I've had. Plus, I did some quality damage to my foe.","Emma: You hurt Belle.","Hook: I hurt his heart. Belle's just where he keeps it. He killed my love. I know the feeling.","Emma: Keep smiling, buddy. You're chained down, he's on his feet, immortal, has magic, and you hurt his girl. If I were to pick dead guy of the year? I'd pick you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Mary Margaret and company have gathered in the lobby of the hospital with the driver's cell phone.)","Leroy: We've got to get into his phone.","David: Let me guess another pass code.","MMB: You can't guess. There are a million possible combinations.","Ruby: Ten-thousand.","MMB: Ten-thousand.","David: Leroy, can you get it open or something? Hack it?","Leroy: Well, you do understand that computer hacking and pickaxe hacking are different.","(Emma enters.)","Emma: Here, let me try. I have a thing. And we do know something. There was stuff in his car - rental agreement, maps, receipts. His name is Greg Mendell. Now, let's see...","(Emma breaks into the phone and begins to root through it. She finds several phone numbers and pictures of Greg.)","Emma: Pictures of him alone at a bunch of Eastern Seaboard tourist locations, a LinkedIn account, and he tweets pictures of his food. I'll keep looking, but I think what we have here is a well-documented, real-life ordinary Joe. Or Greg.","Ruby: So, whatever's kept random people from stumbling into Storybrooke for the last twenty-eight years-","MMB: Is gone.","David: Anyone could drive in. Why are my instincts telling me that's a bad thing?","Leroy: Cause you've seen E.T., or Splash, or any other movie where they find something magical and study it to death. Think what'd they do to a werewolf.","MMB: Oh, and his friends and family? They're going to come looking for him soon.","Emma: Let's try not to overreact.","David: Leroy's right. We don't need outsiders here.","Emma: Hook says he doesn't know where Cora is, and God knows what she's going to do. With other people coming here, that's not going to be good for anyone.","MMB: We need to find Regina - tell her we know she was framed.","Ruby: I've been tracking her. No luck. She's gone underground.","MMB: But what if Cora finds her first? I don't want to think about the damage those two would do together. This could not have come at a worse time.","Emma: It's okay. The guy's being patched up right now. He'll probably be on his way home by morning.","(Dr. Whale enters.)","Dr. Whale: Not quite. He's bleeding into his chest cavity. It's not a full flood, you know. But, pretty soon, he'll be drowning in his own blood.","Emma: So make it stop. Aren't you a doctor?","(Dr. Whale spots Mr. Gold walking down the stairs. He approaches him.)","Dr. Whale: Gold. You fixed me. Now fix him. It will take you seconds and cost you nothing.","Mr. Gold: No.","Dr. Whale: No? Just... No?","Mr. Gold: I owe you nothing, Whale. I owe none of you anything. And some of you, owe me. So, yeah, just... No. Oh, and point of interest - the driver? He saw me throwing some magic. So, instead of trying to get him out of here, you better be hoping he dies. Because if he doesn't, he's going to be driving tour buses up and down main street. So glad I don't give a damn.","(Mr. Gold exits.)","Dr. Whale: Look... Letting him die is easy. I can do that, if that's what you decide.","Emma: Let's take this somewhere private.","(The group enters a small examination room to talk.)","Dr. Whale: It's not really murder if we let him succumb to his injuries.","Emma: I'm pretty sure it is.","MMB: Of course we save him.","David: Obviously.","Leroy: Well...","MMB: Leroy!","Leroy: We got to think it through. If we save him and kill the whole town, is that really better?","Ruby: So we have to choose between our lives and his.","David: We can worry about the town later.","MMB: Which doesn't mean we should abandon him.","David: I know, but let's worry about Storybrooke after we save a life. Dr. Whale, prep for surgery.","(Dr. Whale exits.)","MMB: Anyone else notice he's drunk off his ass?","(Suddenly, Greg's phone begins to ring.)","Emma: Someone's looking for Greg. How long before they come here?","-[A Land Without Color]-","(Victor and Igor are clearing out Victor's laboratory. Igor leaves with a box of stuff, while Victor continues to pack. Rumpelstiltskin enters by magically appearing on a chair.)","Rumpelstiltskin: Good evening, Doctor.","Victor: How did you get in here? Who are you?","Rumpelstiltskin: Stiltskin. Rumpel Von Stiltskin.","Victor: A foreigner.","Rumpelstiltskin: What tipped you off? My rosy complexion? Yes, I've seen nothing of your drab little land yet, but, I am interested in your work.","Victor: Well, you're a little late. I've been shut down. And I can't bring back dead loved ones, anyway, if that's what you're after.","Rumpelstiltskin: I think my deceased are best kept where they are, dearie, thank you very much. No, no, no. My interest, is in how you do what you do. You see, where I come from, we do things differently. Your land has witchcraft, but it's feeble, neglected stuff. Where I live, it's strong and hearty. But... It cannot restore life. If you can do this, well... I'll want to know more, and I'm willing to pay.","(Rumpelstiltskin takes out a small pouch and pours its contents onto the floor. A massive pile of coins pour from the bag.)","Victor: How did you do that?","Rumpelstiltskin: Ah... Missing the point. Money - yours.","Victor: Are you a philanthropist?","Rumpelstiltskin: Well, I've been called worse. There is a cost to you - knowledge. You teach me to wield... Whatever it is you wield. That, is the deal.","Victor: Then it's a deal.","(Igor returns.)","Igor: I thought you were bringing-","Victor: Igor, tremendous news! This is Rump-","(Victor turns around, but finds that Rumpelstiltskin has disappeared.)","Igor: Master... What's happened?","Victor: Bring back the equipment. We're staying. And we're going to need a body.","-[Storybrooke]-","(In his shop, Mr. Gold is reminiscing over the chipped cup. Suddenly, the bell to the front door rings. He goes over to investigate, but finds that there's no one outside. When he turns around, he sees that a box has been left on the counter. Cora then appears near the door.)","Cora: Hello, Rumpel.","Mr. Gold: Well, I expected this was just a matter of time. Had hoped you were dead, but hey - disappointment's just part of life. I'm sure we can agree on that.","Cora: Aw, the crocodile snaps at the little bird. And after I brought you a gift.","Mr. Gold: Yeah, did you bring the antidote, too?","Cora: Oh, Rumpel. It's a peace offering.","Mr. Gold: And what do you want for this, uh... This peace offering?","Cora: My daughter. You were so clever to get her to lay the curse so you could come here. You don't need her anymore. Let me try to get her back and let us live.","Mr. Gold: And what do I get for my troubles?","Cora: Your son.","(She nods towards the box. Mr. Gold pulls off the lid, revealing a white 'globe' inside.)","Cora: You know what that is, of course.","Mr. Gold: It'll find him... If this one truly is it.","Cora: Oh, darling, I have no reason to cheat you.","Mr. Gold: Anymore.","Cora: I want you to find the one person in this universe who might still love you. After all, I'm doing the same thing.","Mr. Gold: Do you have any spells to return memories?","Cora: I only know what you taught me... Master. So, will you accept my offer of a truce?","Mr. Gold: Truce.","(He extends his hand, which Cora takes. The two shake on the deal.)","Cora: Let's seal it like we used to.","(Cora leans in and kisses Mr. Gold.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(At the hospital, David finds Dr. Whale staring at Greg's watch.)","David: What's that?","Dr. Whale: Oh. It's just the guy's personal effects. I get the best watches this way. Joking. As far as you know. It's too bad it's cracked.","David: I thought you'd be scrubbing in by now.","Dr. Whale: Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to do that.","David: Arm okay?","Dr. Whale: I'm not drunk.","David: Okay, just... Let's save this guy, alright? I don't care what he saw. We don't let go of people.","Dr. Whale: Right. Of course not.","-[A Land Without Color]-","(During a thunderstorm, Victor is in a graveyard attempting to dig up a body. Gerhardt finds him there.)","Victor: Gerhardt.","Gerhardt: Igor told me that I'd find you here. I can't believe... I thought you worked with cells in Petri dishes.","Victor: My work has progressed. And I thought you supported me.","Gerhardt: Not like this.","(Near the entrance of the graveyard, there is a man with a gun.)","Man: Halt!","Victor: Don't shoot! We have orders! He's in uniform.","(A shot is fired. The two of them run towards the carriage and quickly get inside.)","Gerhardt: Go! Go!","Victor: You shouldn't have come looking for me. And I thought you supported me. Gerhardt?","(Victor notices that Gerhardt is unresponsive. He looks down and sees blood seeping through his uniform.)","Victor: Gerhardt?","-[Storybrooke]-","(Emma and company are waiting in the lobby of the hospital. Greg's phone, now on silent, begins to vibrate. On the screen, the incoming caller is listed as 'Her'.)","Leroy: Same person again.","Emma: 'Her'. Cute.","David: Probably a girlfriend.","MMB: We could answer it - just let her know he's okay.","Emma: He's not okay.","Ruby: He's alive. We could let her know he's alive.","David: Nah. The police could trace it here instantly.","Emma: She can activate the find your phone thing without us picking it up at all.","(The phone stops vibrating.)","Leroy: That settles that.","MMB: Oh, my nerves can't take this. Is the surgery almost over?","Emma: I... I think it takes...","(A man enters and scans the lobby. He turns to leave when David stops him.)","David: Whoa. Whoa. Wait. Wait. Any news?","Man: No. I was just looking for the doctor.","Ruby: He's not in the OR?","Man: He never came in.","Emma: Then page him.","David: He was not looking so good earlier.","(The man makes a phone call. A beeping sound is then heard nearby.)","MMB: He's here.","(The beeping sound is coming from the laundry basket of dirty scrubs. Emma looks through it and finds the pager, along with Dr. Whale's lab coat.)","Emma: No, but his pager is. He's gone.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Ruby sniffs Dr. Whale's lab coat to pick up the scent.)","David: Got the scent?","Ruby: Boozy.","Emma: Just find him and bring him back. We'll watch Hook and figure out options if Whale doesn't come back.","MMB: Maybe Doc can do it.","Leroy: Surgery? No.","MMB: Maybe he didn't even run. Maybe Cora grabbed him for some reason.","David: I don't think so. He's been in a rough place since he had brought Regina's fianc\u00e9 back to life.","MMB: Daniel?","Emma: Back to life?!","David: And had his arm ripped off and put back on.","Leroy: Cool.","MMB: Wait. Daniel came back?","Emma: Like some kind of Frankenstein?","David: That's Whale. The doctor. And Daniel was his-","MMB: What went on here while we were gone?","Emma: Ruby, get going. Bring back... Dr. Frankenstein.","(Ruby exits.)","Emma: We're going to send this guy back home with bolts in his neck.","MMB: She'll find him.","Emma: Yeah, but what kind of state is he going to be in?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Dr. Whale is shown running down the main street of Storybrooke.)","-[A Land Without Color]-","(Surrounded by his equipment, Victor has Gerhardt's corpse laid out in the middle of his lab. He chest has been cut open and sewn shut. Igor is there assisting.)","Victor: I will bring you back, my brother. I promise.","(Victor throws a switch, causing a surge of electricity to flow through Gerhardt's body. The body twitches, then all is still. When they check over the body, they notice smoke rising from the chest cavity. Victor grabs a scalpel and cuts open the stitches. He then pulls out Gerhardt's charred heart.)","Igor: It's burned. Like coal.","Victor: Cover him. The sheet will serve as his shroud.","Igor: Of course, doctor.","(Alphonse enters.)","Alphonse: Victor?","Victor: Father.","Alphonse: You were seen carrying a body into this house. Explain yourself.","(Alphonse walks over to the body and discovers that it's Gerhardt.)","Alphonse: Gerhardt? My boy. My dear son. What did you do?!","Victor: It was an accident. I was working-","Alphonse: You caused this! The things you do.","(He pulls back the sheet and sees the stitches running along his chest.)","Alphonse: You cut into your brother!","Victor: No, no, it wasn't like that!","Alphonse: You put your foul magician's work into your brother!","Victor: It can work! I did this for you, too, father. I wanted you to have two sons again.","Alphonse: And now I have none.","-[Storybrooke]-","(Cora enters Regina's house and begins to look through it. She scans the glassware in the kitchen, then smells the clothes hanging in Regina's closet. Cora then reaches Henry's room, where she finds an old picture of Henry and Regina. She looks over the dresser, and finds an old craft done by Henry. It's a mold of Henry's handprint with the words 'To Mommy' written below it. She smirks and takes it with her.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(In the middle of the night, Henry walks across the graveyard to Regina's family mausoleum. He slides the sarcophagus over, and heads down the stairs. He begins to call for Regina.)","Henry: Mom? Hello? Hello? Hello? Mom?","(Behind one of the walls, Regina has a hidden room. She hears Henry and walks over to one of the mirrors on the wall. She waves her hand, and magically transforms the mirror to allow her to see out. Regina sees Henry searching the crypt.)","Henry: You in there? Can I come in? Mom?","(Regina opens the door to the hidden room.)","Henry: Mom? Mom?","(Henry enters and hugs Regina. She returns the embrace.)","Regina: Henry, I'm so glad you're here. I missed you so much when... I have to let you know, I had nothing to do with Archie.","Henry: I know. I always knew.","Regina: I was framed. I don't know how. I... It just seems like everything... You knew? How did you know?","Henry: Simple.","(In a puff of blue smoke, Henry magically transforms into Cora.)","Cora: Because I did it.","Regina: Mother...","-[A Land Without Color]-","(Victor is working is his laboratory. He has suspended Gerhardt's body in a bubbling fluid. He goes to look through a microscope, when Rumpelstiltskin appears behind him.)","Rumpelstiltskin: Did it work? No?","Victor: There was a little problem with what the heart could withstand.","Rumpelstiltskin: Ah! Problems of the heart. Isn't that always the way?","Victor: Could you get out of my light, please?","Rumpelstiltskin: You know, where I come from, there are hearts that can withstand anything because of magic.","Victor: You have hearts?","Rumpelstiltskin: I'll tell you what. I'm going to bring you a friend - a master of the hat. He shall take you to a young woman who has exactly what you need. You put on a little show for her, and then you walk away with all your prayers answered. A heart for your brother.","Victor: And who is this woman?","Rumpelstiltskin: Her name...is Regina.","-[Storybrooke]-","(Regina and Cora talk in the hidden room.)","Regina: You... I thought we stopped you. How did you get through?","Cora: Determination. I had to see you. I needed to tell you, that I know why you sent me through the looking glass. And I know why you tried to have me killed. And it's... It's alright.","Regina: I think it's not alright.","Cora: I love you. I just... I've always shown it in all the wrong ways. And I never should have made you marry the King. I'm so sorry. When you cried over my coffin, it... It all changed.","Regina: You framed me - for the cricket.","Cora: Temporarily. So you could see what these people really think of you.","Regina: You made an airtight case. Anyone would believe it.","Cora: I didn't want you to reject me. Not again.","Regina: You wanted me broken.","Cora: Receptive.","Regina: You are the most manipulative... No. I won't even argue. Come with me. We're going to town.","Cora: It's the middle of the night.","Regina: I don't care. We'll wake them up - Emma and Henry and the two idiots - and you can tell them how you lied. You owe me that.","Cora: And then you'll let us start over?","Regina: I don't see that happening, mother. But I am... I was trying so hard to be worthy of Henry. And I deserve the same thing from you.","Cora: You're right. For you, sweetheart. Anything.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Dr. Whale is standing at the edge of the dock. He stares at Greg's watch as he looks into the water below. Ruby finds him.)","Ruby: Dr. Whale?","Dr. Whale: Don't come near me!","(He tosses the watch into the water, then jumps off the dock. Using her wolf abilities, Ruby is quickly able to grab Dr. Whale by the neck of his coat before he falls in.)","-[A Land Without Color]-","(Victor and Igor have conducted the experiment on Gerhardt's body. Slowly, Gerhardt raises his hand, which Victor clasps.)","Victor: Rumpelstiltskin was right. The new heart worked. Welcome back, brother.","Igor: It's magic, Dr. Frankenstein.","Victor: No, not magic. Science.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Victor confronts Alphonse in his study.)","Victor: I'm telling you, it's true. I brought him back.","Alphonse: Victor... If you have really given me this...","Victor: We've kept him waiting long enough.","(Victor goes to fetch Gerhardt. He leads him into the room, but is clearly 'off'.)","Victor: He's still...recovering. It's a slow process, so don't expect him to...","Alphonse: You did it.","Victor: I did it.","Alphonse: It's really you. Let me see you, my son.","(Alphonse grabs a candlestick and holds it up to Gerhardt, which causes him to shy away from the light. Gerhardt says nothing, and only grunts.)","Alphonse: What? What is it? Is he alright? Why doesn't he speak?","(Gerhardt swings and hits the candle out of Alphonse's hand. He then crouches on the ground, holding his head.)","Alphonse: Ow!","Victor: I told you, father, it's an adjustment.","Alphonse: I believed you. The terrible thing is, for a moment, I believed you did it. He's a monster! What a fool I was! That's not my son! You aren't my son! You're a ghoul and a grave robber. A fool and a witch doctor. You're a disgrace to this family!","(During the tirade, Gerhardt suddenly lunges at Alphonse and throws him onto the floor. He then sits on his chest and begins to furiously punch him. Victor watches for a few moments before deciding to intervene.)","Victor: Enough. Gerhardt. Enough.","(Victor places his hand on Gerhardt's shoulder, causing him to cease the attack. Victor feels his father's neck for a pulse.)","Victor: You have killed our father.","(Distressed at the news, Gerhardt flees the room.)","-[Storybrooke]-","(Ruby and Dr. Whale are sitting on the dock conversing.)","Dr. Whale: I wanted my name to stand for life. But everybody just thinks it's the name of a monster. I guess they're right about that. Rumpelstiltskin says that magic has a price. But, from where I'm sitting, seems that science does, too. Every time I try to save a life, someone else dies.","Ruby: Hey. Yeah. Look, you're Frankenstein. And I'm the werewolf. I ate my boyfriend. Regina thought she was punishing us by erasing who we were, but I think she underestimated how much crap we wanted to forget.","Dr. Whale: Yeah.","Ruby: But... We can't let it stop us. She gave us a chance to start over, and I want to take it. I think you should, too.","Dr. Whale: I wasn't such a bad guy, you know. I wanted to bring life back. But he never got over our mother. If I could've just brought her back-","Ruby: That guy in the hospital - someone keeps calling for him. Maybe a wife, a mother. Maybe, there's still some stuff you can fix.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Regina and Cora are in Regina's car. Regina is driving, and Cora is in the passenger seat.)","Regina: Nervous?","Cora: Not about owning up to what I've done. It's just... These carriages are strange. And something's irritating me...","(Cora pulls out Henry's handprint craft.)","Cora: Oh. For Mommy. Oh, that used to be you.","Regina: When were you in my house?","Cora: I haven't had the pleasure.","Regina: That was in my house. Think I don't know where that was? It's one of my most treasured possessions.","Cora: Well, let's be honest. Taking me to be pilloried by the town might gain you some points, but, as long as Emma and her parents are here, he's not really yours. Not like he was when he made things for his one and only mommy. You've been too bad for too long, and now they see you as a... A snake. You don't want their love at all. What do you want?","Regina: My son back.","(Regina pulls the car over in a deserted parking lot.)","Cora: And I want my daughter back. I meant everything I said earlier. I am so sorry. I can do better. I won't push you away again. Let me into your heart. Together, we can get him back again.","(Regina leans across the seat and puts her head on Cora's shoulder. Cora embraces her.)","Regina: How?","Cora: Oh, I have a few thoughts.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Dr. Whale and Ruby arrive back at the hospital, where Emma and company are still waiting in the lobby.)","MMB: You're back.","Emma: Finally.","Dr. Whale: I don't know why everyone's so worried. I was just stretching my legs. Now I'm going to go do this thing.","-[A Land Without Color]-","(Victor enters Gerhardt's cell. Gerhardt sits in silence.)","Victor: Gerhardt? My brother? I was trying to bring you back. Are you here? Gerhardt? Gerhardt?","(When he places his hand on Gerhardt's shoulder, Gerhardt reacts violently. He throws Victor onto the ground and begins to strangle him, but stops when he recognizes his brother.)","Gerhardt: Vic...tor?","Victor: Yes. Yes, it's me.","(He takes his hand off of Victor's neck, and scrambles over to the corner of the cell, grabbing his head. Victor takes out a pistol and slowly makes his way over to Gerhardt. He points the gun at his head, but then lowers it. Gerhardt, realizing Victor's intentions, grabs Victor's hand and aims the gun at his forehead. Once again, Victor lowers the gun.)","Victor: No. I won't do it. I will still save you. Father is wrong. I will find a way.","-[Storybrooke]-","(At the hospital, Dr. Whale meets Ruby in the hallway.)","Dr. Whale: Where are they?","Ruby: Getting coffee from the machine. What's the verdict?","Dr. Whale: He'll live.","Ruby: You did it?","Dr. Whale: Thank you. Monster to monster.","Ruby: You did it!","(They enter the lobby, where Emma and company have returned.)","David: He's going to make it?","Dr. Whale: He's got some recuperating ahead of him - a few weeks, maybe - but yes. He's going to live.","MMB: Thank goodness.","Dr. Whale: Or me.","Leroy: Telling you right now, this will come to no good.","David: Quiet, Leroy.","Emma: I want to talk to him.","Dr. Whale: He's waking up now.","Ruby: Already?","Dr. Whale: I waited a couple of hours to tell you in case he, you know, keeled over. But so far, so good.","MMB: Alright, then.","David: Well, let's talk to him.","Emma: We're not talking to him as a group. We're not a group Sheriff.","MMB: But, we've been doing this together.","Emma: We're trying to convince this guy this place is normal. In a normal town, the Sheriff goes in and asks a few questions. She doesn't bring her parents in with her.","David: That's probably true.","MMB: We'll be right here, then.","(Emma exits.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Elsewhere in the hospital, Mr. Gold hands Belle, who is still bedridden, the chipped cup.)","Mr. Gold: I know you don't remember, but just... Indulge me. Please. Be careful with it.","(Belle takes the proffered cup.)","Belle: It's a... It's a cup.","Mr. Gold: Yeah.","Belle: It's... It's damaged.","Mr. Gold: Just...look at it. Focus. It's your talisman.","Belle: It's a cup.","Mr. Gold: You dropped it... In my castle. You were afraid that you had angered me.","Belle: Okay, here. You... You need to go and take your cup, okay?","(She tries to hand him back the cup, but he refuses to take it.)","Mr. Gold: No, no, no, no. I... I charmed it. If you focus, it will work. It's magic.","Belle: Okay, just go away. S-stop talking about magic, and take your cup.","(Belle, again, tries to push the cup back to Mr. Gold.)","Mr. Gold: Just look at it.","(Frustrated, Belle takes the cup and throws it against the wall. It shatters onto the floor.)","Belle: Just go. Just go away.","Mr. Gold: I'm sorry...","(He leaves the room, glancing at the broken cup on the way out.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Emma enters Greg's room.)","Greg: Nurse?","Emma: Sheriff Swan, actually.","Greg: I'm thirsty.","(She hands him a glass of water with a straw. She also sets a bag of his belongings next to the bed.)","Emma: Here. I have your personal effects. I'm just going to put them here, okay? So, Mr. Mendell, I wanted to talk to you about the accident.","Greg: Did I hit somebody? Oh, my God, I hit someone. Is he okay?","Emma: Don't worry about him. I mean, the... The damage was pretty minor.","Greg: Oh, thank God.","Emma: But, I do need you to state what happened in your own words - what you did, what you saw.","Greg: Well, I... I didn't see anything. I-","Emma: Well, you were driving.","Greg: Yeah, I mean... I saw the road, of course.","Emma: I just think I might be able to put your mind at ease. There might be...an explanation if you saw-","Greg: I was texting.","Emma: Oh.","Greg: I looked down, just for a second. And when I looked back up, he was... He was right there. And he was too close to avoid, but I... I know that it's not legal in Maine.","Emma: It's okay. I'm just glad that you... Were honest with me.","Greg: So, no charges?","Emma: No. No charges. I will let you go with a warning this time.","Greg: Thank you. So when... When can I head home?","Emma: As soon as the doctor clears you. We don't want to keep you.","(Emma exits the room and heads down to the lobby, where everyone is nervously waiting.)","Leroy: He didn't see nothing?","Emma: Free and clear.","MMB: Oh, good.","David: Now maybe, things can calm down for ten minutes and we can catch our breath.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(At his shop, Mr. Gold takes out the white 'globe' that Cora had given him. He pricks his finger on the point and the top, and drops a drop of his blood onto the globe. The globe begins to glow and rotate. A red map of the world starts to appear, with one point in particular standing out from the map.)","Mr. Gold: Bae.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Emma, Mary Margaret, and David arrive home to Mary Margaret's apartment. Henry runs down the stairs to greet them in the kitchen. They all sit down to eat breakfast.)","Henry: You were out all night. Where were you? Granny wouldn't tell me anything. Did I miss it all?","David: Cereal okay?","Emma: Yeah.","MMB: Rumpelstiltskin and Captain Hook had a fight and someone got hurt.","Emma: We weren't sure if Dr. Frankenstein could fix him, but he did.","Henry: Doctor? Oh... That's who Whale is.","Emma: Yeah, but without the neck bolts.","Henry: The monster had the bolts, not the doctor.","Emma: Right, but either way, some of us having known him... It's weird.","MMB: It's not weird. We're past it. We were cursed.","Henry: What are you talking about?","David: Nothing.","Henry: Wait.","MMB: Really, it's nothing.","(Henry leaves and returns with his book.)","Henry: Frankenstein isn't in here. It's not even a fairy tale. That means it comes from another land with different stories.","Emma: Eat. I really want to go to bed.","Henry: If the curse went to places with other stories, then who knows who else is in this town?","(There is a knock on the door. Emma goes to answer it, but Mr. Gold lets himself in first.)","Emma: Gold. We've all had a long night.","Mr. Gold: You remember that favour you owe me, Miss Swan?","Emma: Yeah.","Mr. Gold: I'm cashing it in.","Emma: It's not... A good...","Mr. Gold: You do honour your agreements, don't you? I need to find someone, so we're leaving today. Pack your bag.","MMB: Leaving?","Henry: W-where?","Emma: Wait. Find someone? Who?","Mr. Gold: My son. It has to be today, because every minute I'm here, is a minute closer to me killing Hook. So it's really best for all concerned if I leave, and you're going to come with me. Oh, and, um, we have a long history. So know this, and know it to be true. If any harm comes to Belle while I'm gone, I'm killing all of you. I'll see you at noon.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Greg is still in his room at the hospital. He grabs his bag of belongings off of the table and takes out his cell phone. Checking that the coast is clear, he dials a number.)","Greg: Honey? I... I... I know. Just wait. Wait. Just listen. Just listen. Okay? Yes, I'm okay. I... I was in an accident. And, honey... You're not going to believe what I saw.","-[End]-"],"Show Title":"Once Upon A Time","Episode Number":"02x12","Episode Title":"In the Name of the Brother","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Once_Upon_A_Time_03x19.json","Recap":["Zelena threatens to kill Henry if Hook - whose lips have been cursed by the Wicked Witch -- doesn't proceed with kissing Emma, which will drain all of her magical powers away, and things begin to heat up between Regina and Robin Hood. Meanwhile, back in the Fairy Tale Land that was during the past year, Snow and Charming go in search of Glinda, the Good Witch of the South, to see if she can help them defeat Zelena, and the curse that will ultimately send the Fairy Tale characters back to Storybrooke is cast -- but from an unlikely source."],"Transcript":["SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. A rider hurriedly gallops through the forest.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. The Dark Palace. Prince Charming and Snow White have an argument with the Evil Queen. Aurora and Prince Phillip are present.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Evil Queen: You've gathered the entire kingdom for this? There's a Wicked Witch out there, just waiting to pounce. And pretending otherwise would be dangerous.","Prince Charming: There's nothing dangerous about rallying our people.","Evil Queen: You're announcing you're pregnant. It's not like you invented the wheel. (The rider previously seen enters.)","Prince Charming: What's this? (The rider pulls back her hood showing her face.)","Snow White: (joyfully) Belle!","Prince Charming: Are you okay? When you and Neal disappeared, we feared the worst.","Belle: We went off to see, if we could revive the Dark One.","Evil Queen: What happened?","Belle: Neal was able to resurrect him. (sighs) At the cost of his own life.","Evil Queen: (pleased) Rumple's alive.","Snow White: (shocked) Neal is dead.","Belle: I think so.","Evil Queen: (to Belle) To which?","Belle: Both. You see, when Rumple saw that Neal was dying- (gestures descriptively) -he absorbed him, and Zelena got ahold of the dagger. Now, she controls Rumple. (Aurora gives Prince Phillip a worried look.)","Aurora: Maybe, now isn't the time to announce the pregnancy. Regina is right. It's too dangerous.","Snow White: No, if we don't, we give into fear. But, if we do, we give the kingdom what they need: Hope.","Prince Charming: We don't even know what this Wicked Witch wants.","Aurora: Actually, we do. She wants your baby.","Prince Phillip: She came to us when you were gone. Threatened us and our unborn child, unless we told her when you arrived in our land.","Aurora: She thinks your baby could be important. I'm so sorry. She said she'd hurt us.","(Startled by a gush of wind all them turn around. Flying in the Wicked Witch descends on them.)","Wicked Witch of the West: And I make good on my promises. (Aurora and Phillip back away in fear. She engulfs both of them in green smoke transforming them into flying monkeys. Shrieking both monkeys take wing.)","Snow White: (to Wicked Witch) What do you want with our baby?","Wicked Witch of the West: Calm down, sweetie. You don't want to go into early labor. (The Wicked Witch stuns Snow White in place.)","Prince Charming: (draws his sword) Stay away from my wife. (Turning the Wicked Witch freezes him in place as well.)","Wicked Witch of the West: Oh, someone's testy.","Evil Queen: Enough, sis. This is between you and me. (The Evil Queen raises a hand intending to magically strangle the Wicked Witch. Quickly, The Wicked Witch stuns her in place. Then she walks up to Snow White.)","Wicked Witch of the West: Now, let's see, if this was all worth it. Yes. Yes, it was. This child will do quite nicely. So, take good care of it for me. Don't forget to eat well. I will be back for your happy day. And what's yours will be mine. (Chuckling she releases them.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. Eight months later. Dark Palace. Snow White, Prince Charming, The Evil Queen, Belle and Robin Hood discuss how to act on the Wicked Witch's threat. Granny is also present, knitting a blanket. Grumpy enters.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Prince Charming: Grumpy, tell me, you found something.","Grumpy: I've been to Blue, Tink, all the fairies. They've been scouring the forest for enchanted items to destroy her, but they got zilch. They say, she's just too powerful.","Snow White: It's happening again. I'm about to give birth and an evil sorceress is threatening the future of my child.","Evil Queen: To be fair, the first time, I was threatening you. Everyone else just became collateral damage.","Grumpy: Remind me again why we forgave her?","Evil Queen: Because I'm helping. (Robin Hood chuckles) Frustrating as it is for me to remember, Snow, you had a head start to defeat me last time. How?","Prince Charming: We were warned.","Snow White: By Rumplestiltskin.","Evil Queen: Maybe he can warn you again.","Grumpy: Wait. You wanna sneak into Rumple's castle, where he's held captive by the Wicked Witch? Name is Grumpy, not Stupid.","Snow White: You're right. It is stupid, but for our child-","Prince Charming: We'll do whatever it takes.","Evil Queen: Heartwarming. He's trapped in his own castle. (to Belle) Belle, you were prisoner there?","Belle: Yes, but breaking in? I would have no idea how.","Robin Hood: Luckily, I do. I broke in there once before.","Evil Queen: (scoffs) Why are we even listening to him? He's a thief, which means he's not to be trusted. What are you even still doing here?","Robin Hood: (to The Evil Queen) What I'm doing here, is saving your ass. The castle has traps and deadly ones.","Evil Queen: Not more deadly than my magic.","Robin Hood: They are, if you don't see them coming.","Evil Queen: Maybe I'm okay with taking my chances.","Snow White: (interrupting) Alright. You may be, but we're not. He's coming.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Granny's Bed and Breakfast. Kissing Regina Mills and Robin Hood stand in the hallway. After a moment Regina frees herself from Robin's embrace.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Regina: What do you see in me?","Robin Hood: Hopefully, the same thing you see in me. A second chance. And you're quite a good kisser. (chuckles)","Regina: (chuckles) Just wait, 'til I actually have my heart back.","Robin Hood: What is that like? I mean, can you ...","Regina: Feel? (nods) Yes, I can. Just not (pausing she gropes for the right word) fully. It's difficult to explain.","Robin Hood: Then don't. (takes her hand placing it over his heart) Use mine for the both of us. (Regina leans in and kisses him again. A door opens and Henry Mills walks past them. Henry clears his throat. Turning around Regina faces him.)","Regina: Henry. Good morning. (smiles)","Henry: (unable to recognize her) Morning. Um, excuse me, Madame Mayor. (Stunned Regina watches Henry as he walks away)","Robin Hood: Are you alright?","Regina: No, I'm not alright. But they're waiting for me. I should go.","Robin Hood: Wait. (kisses her) Good luck. (kisses her again. Smiling Regina exits.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Granny's Bed and Breakfast. Regina joins Mary Margaret, David Nolan and Emma Swan.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mary Margaret: (turning around as Regina enters the room) Regina. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you look smitten.","Regina: (scoffs) If I didn't know any better, I'd say H\u00e4agen-Dasz is smitten with your stomach. Can we get started?","Emma: We were waiting for Hook.","Regina: I don't have time to wait for the handless wonder. We have to figure out how to destroy my sister.","David: For once, I agree with Regina. Stopping her plan is the priority.","Emma: There's something about this plan that doesn't fit: Regina.","Regina: I'm the point of it. So she can take my life for herself.","Emma: Yes, but why bring you back to Storybrooke? Why bring any of us?","Regina: Well, no one's ever succeeded at traveling through time. Perhaps something from this world makes it possible. But, what's almost as troubling is that she was able to cast the curse, to bring us all here in the first place.","Emma: Why is that?","Regina: To do it you have to give up the thing you love most. From what I gather Zelena doesn't love much.","Emma: Neither did you. You managed.","David: Zelena is smart. Strategic. Perhaps we discovered something in the missing year to stop her.","Mary Margaret: And then, the only way to stop us from interfering was to bring us back here and wipe our memories. So, if we get our memories back, we might already know how to defeat her.","David: We just need to break this curse.","Mary Margaret: Well, thank goodness we have a savior.","Emma: I would love to, but there's one problem. Last time, all it took was me believing in magic and kissing Henry. Since I've been back, I've done both and nothing.","Regina: It's the belief. Henry. He needs to believe. In this new life he doesn't. We have to get him to believe again.","Emma: So, what? We put on a magic show?","Regina: How did you believe?","Emma: (shrugs) The book. The storybook.","Regina: That's what started Henry on his original path. And what got you to believe. (excited) It's the key. In him believing. In him remembering. Remembering everything.","Emma: That's not necessarily a gift. He's been through a lot of tough stuff.","Regina: And some good stuff. Either way it's our best bet.","Mary Margaret: She's right.","Emma: I know. Let's find it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Somewhere in the woods Mr. Gold drives down a path and then parks the car. Zelena is waiting for him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mr. Gold: (notices that Zelena holds a red rose in hand) A rose. How lovely.","Zelena: Have you earned it? (In answer to her question Mr. Gold opens his car's trunk) It appears you have. (Hook, tied up and gagged, lies inside. Zelena removes the gag.)","Hook: We're in Storybrooke. You've never heard of a telephone?","Zelena: (chuckles, brushing his lips lightly with the rose) Such pretty lips. And so wasted. Why haven't you used those luscious lips and kissed Emma?","Hook: A fellow likes to be courted.","Zelena: This isn't a joke. I need to have her magic removed. If Snow's baby is born before you kiss, I'm going to have no other option. I'm going to have to start killing people. People that Emma loves. Starting with her son. (throws the rose down at Hook) Take away her magic, Captain, or the next rose will be on her little brat's grave. (shuts the trunk)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. Dark Castle. Robin Hood, Prince Charming, Snow White, Belle and The Evil Queen enter the castle. The Evil Queen walks up to a door intending to open it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Robin Hood: Your Majesty, I wouldn't. (Quickly, he nocks an arrow aiming at the door. Hood successfully hits his target. The impact disarms a trap the door was provided with.)","Evil Queen: (gasps) That arrow almost took off my head.","Robin Hood: Well, that door almost took off your arm. Where I come from, a simple thank you would suffice.","Evil Queen: (scorning) Where you come from, people bathe in the river and use pine cones for money.","Snow White: Come on. Let's go. (They enter. Inside an imprisoned Rumplestiltskin spends his time spinning.) Rumplestiltskin?","Rumplestiltskin: (giggles) Rumple, Bumple isn't here. Rumple, Bumple gone, my dear.","Evil Queen: He really is back from the dead.","Rumplestiltskin: Dead. Dead. So much better. Dead.","Prince Charming: He's lost his mind.","Rumplestiltskin: On the contrary. Now I have two. Two minds. Mining time. Digging deeper in the grime.","Belle: What is she doing to him?","Snow White: Nothing that can't be undone. Rumplestiltskin, we need your help? How do we stop Zelena?","Rumplestiltskin: Round and round, the circle of time, racing towards the finish line.","Evil Queen: This is pointless.","Belle: Let me try. (approaches the cage, speaking softly) Hey. Hey Rumple. (reaching with one hand through the bars she touches him lightly. Startled Rumplestiltskin faces Belle) Hey. Hey. I know you're in there. I know you can hear me. How do we stop Zelena?","Rumplestiltskin: (whispering) Light.","Belle: What?","Rumplestiltskin: Light magic. The Good Witch of the South. Glinda.","Belle: Glinda, but south of what? Oz?","Rumplestiltskin: No. Banished. Here. The Good Witch of the South was banished north. North of the Dark Forest.","Snow White: How do we find her? Rumplestiltskin. In the Dark Forest, how do we find her?","Rumplestiltskin: Through the door step inside, if pure of heart, then she won't hide. (giggles)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Granny's Bed and Breakfast. David ends a telephone call.","[SCENE_BREAK]","David: Gold's was a dead end. That was Belle. No book in the shop.","Mary Margaret: Regina, you said the last place you saw it was Henry's room.","Regina: Yes, but it's not there. Swept away by the last curse.","David: A book can't just disappear.","Mary Margaret: But it can just appear. The first curse. It just showed up in my closet, when I needed it. Or more accurately, when Henry needed it.","Emma: What do you mean?","Mary Margaret: He was going through a rough time. He was realizing he had been given up. He didn't feel like he had a real family.","Regina: He did.","Mary Margret: That may be. But, Regina, he wasn't feeling that way with you or with anyone. He needed to believe in happy endings again. That's what the book gave him.","Regina: Well, he needs to believe again. In fact, I think we all do. What do you think we go check your closet?","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Regina, Emma, Mary Margaret and David enter Granny's Diner. Emma approaches Henry.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Emma: Hey kid. I got to run. I got to check on a lead. You're okay to stay here longer? I'll call you later. (Henry watches Emma leaving and then decides to follow her outside)","Henry: Where are you really going?","Emma: (turns around) I told you.I'm following a lead.","Henry: What lead?","Emma: It's my job. It's complicated.","Henry: Is this about the person who killed my dad?","Emma: (reluctant) Y...Yes.","Henry: Then, tell me.","Emma: It would just be easier once it's all solved, Henry.","Henry: You've been lying to me ever since we got here. I deserve to know everything.","Emma: No, you don't! I'm your mother and I know best. So, you just gonna have to deal with this for now, okay? Understood?","Henry: Yeah, I think I do. (Emma starts to walk away.) Wait. I need your keys. I left mine in the room and if I'm gonna be a prisoner I'd like to have my Game Boy. (Emma hands him her keys. Henry enters Granny's Diner again. Quickly walking past the guests he exits the house through the rear entrance. Using the keys he then unlocks Emma's parked car. Henry's unaware that Hook stands behind him watching)","Hook: Where are you off to there, mate?","Henry: (turns around) Uh, nowhere.","Hook: You're quite in the rush to go nowhere.","Henry: Fine. I'm going home.","Hook: Mm. You're running away.","Henry: Whatever.","Hook: So, you're planning on driving all the way back to New York? One lesson and you think you're ready for that?","Henry: No, just to the nearest bus station.","Hook: I'm afraid I can't let you do that. It's too dangerous.","Henry: I don't care what you think. (Henry opens the car's door)","Hook: (closes the door again) Well, you should. Cause I've got a better way.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Blanchard Apartment. Emma, Mary-Margaret, David and Regina are looking for Henry's storybook. David and Regina search the bedroom, Mary Margaret and Emma another. Regina opens one suitcase and looks inside searching for the book. It's empty. David opens a chest. Shoe boxes are stored inside.","[SCENE_BREAK]","David: (picks one shoe box and sets it aside) Why do women keep their shoe boxes?","Mary Margaret: (overhearing the remark) Because after true love there is no more powerful magic than footwear. It has to be protected.","Emma: Any sign of the book?","David: (shuts the chest) No. I don't think it's here.","Mary Margaret: You don't know that.","Emma: (carrying another wooden chest she joins David and Regina) Maybe it's in this thing. (places the chest on the bed and opens it. Clothes are stored inside. Relieved) Some winter coats. Some scarves. The book is not in here. (Emma sighs)","Mary Margaret: Hang on. Let me check. (After a while of searching Mary Margaret is able to find the storybook.)","Emma: I don't understand.","Regina: Can I see that? (Mary Margaret gives the book to Regina) I know there are chapters on Oz in here. I wanna know who's heart Zelena crushed to enact this curse. Because if there's something she loved, that's her weakness. (Regina exits the room. David heads after her.)","Mary Margaret: Did you really not see it in there?","Emma: You think I'm lying?","Mary Margaret: No, of course not. It's just- Emma, what's going on? You've been anxious since we left Granny's.","Emma: Nothing.","Mary Margaret: No, it's not nothing. You yelled at Henry. That's not like you.","Emma: None of this is like me. At least, it never used to be.","Mary Margaret: What are you talking about?","Emma: I'm talking about wicked witches and time traveling holy wars. I've forgotten what it was like here. I don't want that for Henry.","Mary Margaret: So, you're taking him back to New York after this is all over, aren't you? You're father said you're thinking about it.","Emma: Yeah, I am.","Mary Margaret: And that's why you looked relieved when we couldn't find the book. You don't want his memories back.","Emma: If getting his memories back is the only way to break the curse, then that's what we're gonna do. But I don't want it to be any harder on him than it has to be. Our life in New York was really good.","Mary Margaret: Sure it was, but it wasn't home.","Emma: It was for us.","Mary Margaret: That's because you forgot about us. (Embarrassed Emma looks down. Mary Margaret stands up.) Let's go get Henry.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. South of the Dark Castle. Snow White, Prince Charming and The Evil Queen walk through the woods. Prince Charming stops to pick one snowbell.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Prince Charming: (gives the flower to Snow White) For luck. (Smiling Snow White takes them, then she turns to the Evil Queen) What?","Evil Queen: We're at the edge of the Dark Forest, trying to find the one person who can stop our imminent doom and save your unborn child. And you two stop to smell the roses?","Snow White: Snowbells.","Evil Queen: I don't care if they are dancing daffodils. I need to destroy my sister. And so do you. (walks on the other two following close behind) And if that babbling mad man sent us on a wild goose chase, I swear I'll- (Amidst the path there's standing a door) What's that supposed to be?","Prince Charming: Well, it appears to be a door. (Prince Charming carefully approaches the door. He's able to see that the path continues beyond it)","Snow White: Through the door step inside. If pure of heart, then she won't hide. It's Rumple's riddle. It's Glinda. (steps through the door and vanishes.)","Prince Charming: Snow! (follows Snow White through the door)","Evil Queen: (scoffs) A portal with a cheap clocking spell. (Stepping through the door as well The Evil Queen enters the path beyond the door. Realizing that she's not allowed to use the portal, the Evil Queen briskly walks back and closes the door behind her.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. Glinda's Pocket Dimension. Snow falls.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Snow White: I thought she was supposed to be the Good Witch of the South.","Glinda: (magically she appears) I was. Before I was banished here.","Prince Charming: Where's Regina?","Glinda: I'm afraid your traveling companion has a heart heavy with vengeance. Only a good witch may pass through my door.","Snow White: I'm not a witch. My name is-","Glinda: (interrupting) I know who you are. I've heard many tales of your bravery, and now you hold not one pure heart, but two. I sense powerful magic there.","Snow White: That's why we're here.","Prince Charming: We were told your light magic could help defeat the Wicked Witch. We've come to ask for your help.","Glinda: I'm sorry. My magic is not powerful enough to defeat Zelena. It never has been.","Prince Charming: You know her?","Glinda: We were friends long ago, when things were different. But she made her choice. She gave into her dark magic. I tried to stop her. I failed.","Snow White: There must be some way to defeat her.","Glinda: There is. She was born with great power. Long ago I gave her a pendant to help focus it. He magic has resided inside of it ever since.","Prince Charming: So, if we can remove it, she'll lose her power and we can defeat her?","Glinda: But, only a purveyor of the strongest light magic will be able to accomplish such defeat.","Snow White: Light magic?","Glinda: Magic created from love.","Snow White: (in realization) Emma. Our daughter. She's the product of true love. She's the savior.","Glinda: If she is as pure and powerful as you say, then yes. She - and only she - can defeat Zelena.","Prince Charming: But she's not in this land and we can't get back to her.","Glinda: Then I'm afraid your quest futile.","Snow White: Actually, there is a way. But there's a steep price.","Prince Charming: No, Snow. You can't mean...","Snow White: Yes. We must enact the Dark Curse.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. South of the Dark Castle. Snow White and Prince Charming discuss their plan with The Evil Queen.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Evil Queen: Are you out of your minds? Even, if I believe this Glinda, which I don't, to cast the Dark Curse I'd have to destroy the heart of the thing I love most, which - for me - is Henry.","Snow White: There has to be another way to enact it.","Evil Queen: If there were, do you think I would have killed my own father?","Prince Charming: What about a magic bean? If we had one, we could open a portal. Or Jefferson's hat?","Evil Queen: There are no more portals. Not for us. Not for anyone the curse brought back. When I undid the first curse to escape Pan to bring us here, it divided our realms. It placed a wall between them.","Prince Charming: The Dark Curse is the only way.","Evil Queen: Haven't you been listening? I can't cast it.","Prince Charming: But someone else can.","Snow White: Who?","Prince Charming: You. (crouches down besides Snow White) It's the only way. You can use my heart to cast the curse. We have to think of our child.","Snow White: Our child needs you. I need you. We'll find another way. We always find another way.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Granny's Diner. Entering the diner Emma approaches Mary Margaret, David and Regina.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Emma: He's gone.","Regina: What do you mean, gone?","Emma: I mean he's not in the room. He's not in the parlor. and my keys are gone. My car keys.","Regina: Give me something of his. I'll try a locator spell.","Emma: I'm way ahead of you. I've got GPS on his phone. He's at the docks.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Storybrooke Dock.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Hook: Henry, this is a friend of mine. Mr. Smee.","Henry: Like from Peter Pan?","Smee: You remember?","Henry: I've seen the movie a million times.","Hook: It's quite a common name in the seafaring world. As luck would have it he's making sail to New York and would be happy for the company.","Smee: I am? (he quickly exchanges glances with Hook) I mean, I am.","Henry: (doubtful) Really? Where is your ship?","Smee: (turns around) Um, (notices a small boat moored behind him) there she is.","Henry: You're stealing it, right?","Hook: You wanna go to New York or not?","Henry: Why are you helping me? (The distant sound of flapping wings gradually gets louder.)","Smee: (uneasy) Captain?","Hook: Mr. Smee, we need to get the lad to the boat house.","Henry: Why? What's going on? (Up in the cloudy sky a flying monkey circles above them. Descending the monkey attacks the group.)","Henry: Killian, what is that?","Hook: Now! (Running Hook, Smee and Henry enter the boat house.)","Smee: (locks the door behind him) What now, Captain?","Hook: (to Smee) Take the boy there. Far exit. Find a new boat. I'll stay here to deal with our winged friends. (to Henry) Henry, go with Smee. Don't stop, no matter what you hear. (Smee exits. Henry briefly stops once again, watching the flying monkey descending) Henry, go! (Hook fires his pistol twice, killing two flying monkeys. Henry trips over a coiled rope. A third monkey descends attacking the boy) No! (Aiming Hook fires his pistol once again, but the pistol magazine is empty. Fired from behind another bullet hits the third monkey directly in the chest. Running Emma, David and Regina enter the boat house. David throws his sword at another winged creature.)","Regina: I never liked pets. (launches a fire ball at a monkey sitting above. Two surviving flying monkeys remain. Emma shots one of them and Regina launches a fire ball at their last opponent.)","Emma: (helps Henry to his feet) Henry, are you okay?","Henry: Y... Yeah. What were those things? (David sheathes his sword.) Why does he have a sword?","Emma: It's all gonna make sense in a minute, I promise.","Henry: (confused) What are you talking about?","Emma: I'm sorry I was keeping things from you. You were right. You deserve to know the truth. (shows Henry his storybook)","Henry: About fairy tales? I don't understand.","Emma: Do you trust me?","Henry: Yes, of course, I do.","Emma: Then I need you to believe.","Henry: Believe in what?","Emma: Believe in magic.","Henry: (doubtful) From a book?","Emma: It's more than just a book. Do you believe in me?","Henry: Yes.","Emma: Then take it.","(Emma hands Henry the book. As soon as he takes it Henry remembers visiting Emma in Boston, both of them sitting together at his castle, Emma breaking the curse, using pixie dust to fly in Neverland, practice sword fighting with his father, leaving Storybrooke)","Henry: (to Emma) Mom? (Emma smiles. to Regina) Mom? (Regina hugs Henry) I remember. (to Emma) I remember.","Regina: Do it, Emma. Break the curse. (Emma leans forward to kiss Henry but he disappears)","Zelena: (trapping Henry in her arms) So, sorry to interrupt. Now, who wants to say good-bye first?","Henry: (struggling to break free) Who are you?","Zelena: You can call me Auntie Zelena.","Regina: Enough of this. (Regina takes a step towards her Zelena. Raising a hand Zelena magically pushes her sister backwards.)","Emma: Let him go. He had nothing to do with this.","Zelena: Don't blame me. The captain failed me.","Hook: Damn you, Zelena.","Emma: Hook, what's she talking about?","Zelena: He knew what the price of that failure was: Your son's life.","Henry: (with a strained voice) Mom. (Emma focuses her magic on Zelena freeing Henry)","Emma: Run! (Henry hugs Emma)","Zelena: (frustrated) Enjoy this moment together because you don't have many left! (disappears in a cloud of green smoke)","Emma: Henry, are you okay?","Henry: Yeah. Yeah. (Henry kneels down beside Regina. Gently shaking her he tries to awake Regina) Mom! Mom! Mom!","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. Dark Palace. The Evil Queen, Snow White and Prince Charming watch the Dark Curse boiling in a great cauldron.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Evil Queen: It's ready.","Snow White: No. There has to be another way to get to Emma.","Evil Queen: There isn't. You know if there were, I'd have gone back to Henry. This is it. This sacrifice.","Prince Charming: Snow, we have to do this. You have to do this.","Snow White: I can't. I can't crush your heart. I can't lose you.","Prince Charming: You'll never lose me. But this... this is our only chance. Think of our baby. Think of being a mother.","Snow White: Our child will never know it's father.","Prince Charming: Of course, it will. Through you. We've always shared one heart. It'll only grow stronger when you look at that baby's face and see the love I have for you in its eyes.","Snow White: (crying) I've loved you since the first moment I saw you.","Prince Charming: And I love you until my last. (They kiss. to Evil Queen) Okay. Do it.","Evil Queen: I won't lie. This is going to hurt. But it will work. (The Evil Queen thrusts her hand into Prince Charming's chest and takes his heart out.)","Snow White: Charming?","Prince Charming: Don't say good-bye.","Snow White: I love you. I love you more than anything.","Prince Charming: Which is why you have to crush it. (The Evil Queen hands Snow White Prince Charming's heart. Crushing the heart Snow White adds the last ingredient to the Dark Curse. Prince Charming falls dead to the ground. Snow White sobs.)","Evil Queen: This won't be in vain. We will get back to Storybrooke. We will defeat... (The Wicked Witch of the West flies in on her broom and descends on them. Hovering above the cauldron she adds an green potion and lands soon after. The Evil Queen faces her sister.) Zelena.","Wicked Witch of the West: Did you really think you could enact Rumple's Dark Curse and I wouldn't know about it?","Evil Queen: No, but I didn't really care? You're too late.","Wicked Witch of the West: Actually, I'm not. (to Snow White) I'm afraid you sacrificed your charming husband for nothing.","Snow White: Regina, he can't die in vain.","Evil Queen: She's bluffing. Once the curse is enacted it can't be stopped.","Wicked Witch of the West: I may not be able to stop it, but that doesn't mean I can't spice it up a bit. How does a forgetting potion sound? (They all look over to the cauldron as the curse cloud begins expanding. Snow has a look of shock on her face whilst the Evil Queen's is cold with annoyance. Zelena gloats.) Mm, sorry. Did you need your memories in the new land? Were you planning to stop me? Or, for that matter recognize me.","Snow White: (defiantly) We'll find a way.","Wicked Witch of the West: Without knowing any of this? I doubt it. You'll be too busy looking for your husband. You won't even know about his sacrifice. Just endlessly wondering where he could be, always fearing the worst. (to the Evil Queen) Pay attention, sis. This is how you take away a happy ending. (The Wicked Witch flies off. Snow and the Evil Queen look to Charming's body, devestated.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Storybrooke Dock. The boat house. Henry still tries to awake Regina.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Henry: (shaking Regina gently) Mom! Mom, please. Wake up! Mom! Mom!","Regina: Henry.","Henry: Mom. (Regina stands up and hugs Henry.)","Regina: (relieved) Henry. Oh, Henry. (smiles) I will never let you go away again. I promise. I love you, Henry. (Regina kisses Henry lightly on the forehead. The Dark Curse breaks. Mary Margaret hugs David.)","Emma:(to Regina) It wasn't me. It was you. Mary Margaret. David, did it work? Do you remember the missing year?","Mary Margaret: Yes, everything.","Emma: How did Zelena cast the curse?","Mary Margaret: (shaking her head) She didn't, Emma. We did.","Emma: You cursed yourselves?","Mary Margaret: Zelena's weakness is light magic. I mean, it's clear now, more than ever. You're the only one who can defeat her.","David: That's why we paid the price for Regina's curse. To find you.","Emma: The price of the curse is the heart of the thing you love most. If one of you cast it, how are you both still here?","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past, one year ago. Dark Palace. Snow mourns her husband as the curse cloud continues to expand above them.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Snow White: Regina, I need you to rip out my heart. (Evil Queen looks confused) Charming's right. We have been of one heart since the day he woke me from the sleeping curse. If you split my heart in half, we can both survive.","Evil Queen: Snow, I know your love is strong, but this isn't like plucking a flower. How do you know it will work?","Snow White: (desperate) Faith. Belief. I believe. I believe my heart is strong enough for both of us.","Evil Queen: (concerned) But, if you're wrong, you'll die.","Snow White: Please. Please, Regina. Do it. (Snow places her arms on the Evil Queen's shoulders as she thrusts her hand in Snow's chest and rips out her heart. Carefully, she breaks the heart into halves. She plaes the two halves back into Snow and Charming as they both anxiously wait for Charming's revival.'After a moment Prince Charming inhales deeply. Relieved the Evil Queen smiles.)","Prince Charming: (surprised) Snow? Snow, what's happening?","Snow White: (teary-eyed) You're okay. We're both okay. (They kiss as the Evil Queen smiles. They look up as the Dark Curse slowly spills from the cauldron and begins to surround them. The rest of the cloud soon collapes on top of them.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. The boat house. Henry tells Regina about the year he spent in New York.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Henry: New York was awesome. The pizza. The Yankees. My school.","Regina: (chuckles) Slow down. I wanna hear it all. The entire year.","Henry: I found an apple tree in Central Park that looked exactly like the one by your office. Of course, I didn't know back then, but now I do. And guess what...","Regina: What?","Henry: I got pretty good at math.","Regina: No.","Henry: Pretty good. Not Stephen-Hawking-good, but good. What did I miss here?","Regina: Nothing much. Nothing that matters now.","Henry: Not even that guy that was kissing you?","Regina: Let's stay focused on New York. Tell me about the pizza.","Henry: Come on, mom. Who is he?","Regina: (clears her throat) His name is Robin. Hood. We just started seeing each other.","Henry: Wait. Robin Hood? (Robin Hood enters the boat house)","Robin Hood: At your service. (They shake hands.)","Henry: Awesome.","Regina: So, the curse is broken.","Robin Hood: (nods) Indeed. And the missing year? Things a bit rocky between us, yeah? (He gives Regina a smile.)","Regina: (chuckles) For some reason you're so much more likable here in Storybrooke.","(Laughing Robin Hood puts an arm around her. The three of them leave the boat house.)","Emma: (approaches Hook) Are you gonna tell me what Zelena was talking about? She said you failed her.","Hook: Don't listen to her.","Emma: Killian, what's going on? Were you working for her?","Hook: The witch tried to back me into a corner. I did everything I could to resist her plans.","Emma: So, whose idea was it to kidnap Henry and stick him on a boat?","Hook: It was mine. I was trying to save him.","Emma: From what? What is she doing?","Hook: She cursed me. My lips, actually.","Emma: Your lips? Why?","Hook: She wants to steal your magic. She thought I was the best way of doing that. She knows what we all know: That you can defeat her.","Emma: It should have been my decision to protect Henry. Whether she forced your hand or not, it doesn't matter. I can't trust you now. How can I?","David: She's right not to. He has lied about more than just this.","Mary Margaret: You said you brought Emma to Storybrooke because you received a message from us with a memory potion.","Hook: Aye, what of it?","David: We didn't send you any message.","Hook: Well, I got one. It's the truth. Somebody bloody well sent me the message. Who else would have an antidote? Who else would have known where to find the savior?","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past. Dark Castle. The Wicked Witch of the West prepares a memory potion. Rumplestiltskin watches her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Rumplestiltskin: (giggles) Wolf's blood. Dragon's scale. I've tasted this brew before.","Wicked Witch of the West: We're about to take an unplanned trip, my pet. The curse is coming.","Rumplestiltskin: You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. (chanting) You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed.","Wicked Witch of the West: Don't be so dour. What I need to do (opens the cage's door) can be done from any land. I will succeed in changing the past. My spell will work.","Rumplestiltskin: But only, if you remember it.","Wicked Witch of the West: Which I will. (shows him the memory potion) With this. To keep my valuable recollection safe and sound. (The Wicked Witch drinks up the potion. She hands the second bottle to Rumplestiltskin.) Here. Drink it. Dump it out. Sing it a song. Your brains are still mine. If you want to remember the loss of your son, so be it. But, if you prefer to stumble about blind and stupid with the rest of them, be my guest. (The Wicked Witch exits taking the Dark One's dagger with her.)","Rumplestiltskin: (wanders around the room) Memories are pain. Pain is strength. (He removes the bottle's cork.) For vengeance. (He raises a hand to drink the potion. Uncontrollable spasms shake Rumplestiltskin's body and he trembles violently. Breaking free from his father's body Neal comes alive. Rumplestiltskin loses his consciousness.)","Neal: (staggering to the table) We don't need to remember. Emma does. (He tears a piece of cloth from his sleeve and hurriedly writes a note on it. Whistling he stubles over to the window. A pigeon lands on the sill and he ties the note abd bottle to its leg.) Find Killian Jones. On the Jolly Roger. Find Captain Hook. Go! (he lets the bird fly. Neal falls backwards and re-merges with Rumplestiltskin's body. Rumplestiltskin awakens.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Storybroooke graveyard. A tombstone reads: \"Beloved Son Neal Cassidy\". Henry, Emma, Mary Margaret and David mourn him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Henry: He really was a hero.","Emma: He was, Henry. He didn't give a second thought to sacrificing himself for you. For all of us. (Henry places a red rose on the tomb stone.)","Henry: Yeah. Was it hard? Coming back to Storybrooke, when you knew it'd be dangerous? I mean, life in New York was pretty good.","Emma: It was better than good. But I had this voice stuck in my head that I couldn't shake.","Henry: Whose?","Emma: Yours. I knew how you would have voted on this.","Henry: (nods) Yeah. And you know what this means? Operation Cobra is back on.","Emma: I'm not sure it ever ended. (Mary Margaret gasps in pain)","David: Hey.","Emma: (running towards her parents) Mary Margaret.","David: Hey. Hey. Deep breaths. Take deep breaths. I'll get the truck.","Emma: Mary Margaret, you're okay?","Mary Margaret: It's the baby. It's coming."],"Show Title":"Once Upon A Time","Episode Number":"03x19","Episode Title":"A Curious Thing","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Once_Upon_A_Time_04x15.json","Recap":["As the heroes attempt to rescue August from Gold and the Queens of Darkness in their quest to track down the Author, Hook finds a way to make a deal with Ursula to get the information he needs to help the heroes as a way to make up for what he did back in the past, in which Hook made a deal with Ursula's father Poseidon that led to unfortunate consequences for both Hook and a young Ursula."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Emma: Maleficent's back.","You should be looking for the author. He left hidden clues in some of his works. August might know something about it that we don't. Too bad he isn't around to ask. But Pinocchio is.","Pinocchio: Everybody wants me to remember. I just don't. You rode a motorcycle. You wore leather and didn't shave!","He's not trying hard enough.","We want you to go undercover with them and help us stop their plans.","What exactly did you do to Maleficent?","Because of us... Maleficent lost her child.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Storybrooke ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Regina joins The Queens of Darkness at Granny's Diner.)","Regina: So, the rumours are true. You're back from the ashes.","Maleficent: What are you doing here, Regina?","Regina: Making it easier for you. If you want to try to kill me, I'm right here.","Maleficent: So that's why you think I'm back... To kill you.","Regina: I trapped you underground for 30 years, and you're not big on forgiveness.","Maleficent: That's true. But what you did is nothing in the grand scheme. There are far worse crimes that must be answered for.","Cruella: Careful, darling. She's thick as thieves with those heroes.","Regina: Not by choice. You know how much I wanted my revenge. But in this town, I had to play nice to survive. Alone... Watching them enjoy, the happiness I was denied. If you're planning on destroying some of that happiness, I want in.","Ursula: You can't expect us to believe that.","Maleficent: Of course she doesn't. That's why she's here. She wants us to see she's still one of us.","Regina: I am.","Maleficent: Then let's find out. Are you still a bad girl, Regina?","Regina: The worst.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Enchanted Forest - Past ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Snow White is ridding. Regina watches her. She is angry.)","Snow White: Hyah! Come on, Roman.","Regina: Well, hurrah for Snow White.","(Regina rips Snow White trophies from the walls.)","Rumpelstiltskin: Ooh! I love a touch of irony! The day you met Snow White, she nearly died on a horse. And yet today, she's the best rider in all the land.","Regina: It's her precious horse that's won those medals, not her.","Rumpelstiltskin: Still, good fortune does tend to, uh, fall in her lap, does it not?","Regina: And you promised to teach me magic so I can end her charmed life!","Rumpelstiltskin: Well, I'm teaching you, dearie. Though you sound a bit impatient. Sneaking out here to read... What is it? Maleficent's spell book?","Regina: I found it in my mother's things. She can turn into...","Rumpelstiltskin: A fire-breathing dragon. Yes, yes, yes. A bit showy if you ask me.","Regina: I'm just tired of watching snow grow up. I am tired of her getting everything, and I... I want to finally have my revenge.","Rumpelstiltskin: You don't even know what revenge looks like, dearie.","Regina: You're right. All I know what your lessons look like, and they're taking me nowhere.","Rumpelstiltskin: Before you start throwing stones, you might want to look in the mirror. And I'm not speaking metaphorically.","(A landscape appears on the mirror.)","Regina: What is this place?","Rumpelstiltskin: It's a wasteland. But years ago, it was a lush forest till Maleficent burned it down. Her dragon flame burned so hot that there's one tree still on fire half a lifetime later.","Regina: Do you know how she did it?","Rumpelstiltskin: With a powerful magic that she cultivated with that most precious commodity... Time. If you ignore the gift of time and rush into things, you... Will never be ready.","Regina: Or maybe this is all just excuses, and you're just not a skilled enough teacher to show me.","Rumpelstiltskin: You think she's gonna help you?","Regina: I think I'm tired of waiting.","Rumpelstiltskin: And that is exactly your problem. Good luck with Maleficent.","(Rumpelstiltskin teleport Regina to the Forbidden Fortress.)","Regina: Rumple.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Storybrooke ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(David, Mary Margaret and Emma are back to their apartment.)","Emma: I'm sorry. Regina's doing what?","David: She's going undercover.","Emma: With someone who could turn into a dragon? Are you out of your minds? Why didn't you call me?","David: There wasn't time. She told us the plan. That was it.","Emma: You should've told me.","Mary Margaret: Why? You really think you could've stopped her?","Emma: I could've helped. I was a bail-bonds person. Pretending to be someone else was part of my job.","Mary Margaret: I know that, but I really think Regina can take care of herself.","Emma: I hope you're right. When is she supposed to check in? Mom? Dad? When is she supposed to check in?","David: About an hour ago.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Cruella drives in the forest with her friends.)","Regina: Now, will someone please tell me where the hell we're going?","Cruella: Want me to spoil all the fun? You'll find out soon enough.","Regina: Fine. But out of... Professional curiosity, I have to know, just... How did you two resurrect her?","Maleficent: First things first. You see, some of us don't exactly trust you.","(Cruella stops the car on railways. A train is coming.)","Regina: What are you doing?","Cruella: Playing my favourite game. It's called \"don't be a hero.\" First one that saves us loses.","Regina: You got to be kidding me.","Ursula: You don't like it, then just poof us out of here.","(Regina teleport the car.)","Regina: Come on. Don't look at me like that.","Cruella: I told you she'd gone soft, Mal. Pay up.","Maleficent: She's just Rusty. It doesn't mean anything. What do you think? Are we playing too rough for you?","Regina: I think we should get out of here... And go find some real trouble.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Henry is looking for clues on the door page.)","Belle: Hey. So, um, is... Is that the page that August took out of the storybook? Did you find anything?","Henry: I think this door somehow has something to do with the author. I just have to figure out where it is.","Belle: You will. Here.","(Belle leaves.)","Henry: Come on, August. What are you trying to tell me?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Emma drives to Granny's Diner. She meets Hook.)","Emma: Find anything in there?","Hook: Well, a burned table, broken bottles, uh, and a very irate Granny. Apparently, Regina and the witches drank the place dry. I'd say she won them over.","Emma: Unless that's exactly what they wanted her to think.","Hook: Look, I know you're worried, but we don't even know what happened yet.","Emma: That's what's worrying me. She's not at home. She's not in her office. My parents are gonna check her vault, but...","Hook: And you fear the worst.","Emma: I can't help but think, if the undercover thing worked, if she's got the situation under control, then why the hell isn't she back yet?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(David and Mary Margaret are looking for Regina into the wood.)","Mary Margaret: Maybe this was a bad idea. If something happened to Regina...","David: No, like you said, she'll be fine. She can take care of herself.","Mary Margaret: Look!","(David stops the car.)","David: That's one of my sheriff's cars. What the hell happened?","Regina: Maleficent happened. And that is her idea of a good time.","Mary Margaret: Regina... Are you okay? What happened last night?","Regina: I had to prove myself. Which meant some drinking, some burning, and lots of destruction. Sorry about the car. And you really shouldn't be here. Next time, we have to meet covertly.","David: Next time? You didn't find out what they're planning?","Regina: It was one night. But I did find out they're hiding something, something incredibly powerful.","Mary Margaret: Well, what is it?","Regina: I don't know.","Mary Margaret: So, the only thing you accomplished was property destruction?","Regina: I accomplished trust. Last time, I had to come to Maleficent. This time, she'll come to me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Forbidden Fortress - Past ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Regina enters in the Forbidden Fortress\/ She looking for Maleficent.)","Regina: Hello? Maleficent? I've... Been studying magic. Beginner stuff. But I thought... Maybe... Perhaps you can teach me?","Maleficent: Why don't you show me what you've learned and light that fireplace.","Regina: Come on. Come on!","(Regina successes.)","Maleficent: That's pathetic. But it'll do. Ugh, that feels nice. I haven't had a proper fire in... Years.","Regina: What's that?","Maleficent: You won't read about this in any spell book. A single drop of sleeping curse mixed with seawater, toadstool... Takes the edge off. What's the matter, dear? I'm not everything you expected?","Regina: What happened to you?","Maleficent: A Rose. A Briar Rose.","Regina: The one you put under a sleeping curse.","Maleficent: Until king Stefan the square jawed undid all my work with true love's kiss. Do you know what? I don't even care anymore.","Regina: The Maleficent I read about, she would never just give up. Y-you need to remember who you really are.","Maleficent: That Maleficent had a foul temper, and if you insulted her, she'd turn into a dragon and eat your flesh. It's a good thing for you I already had breakfast. Take your dusty book and get out of my castle.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Storybrooke ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The Queen of Darkness enter in Mr Gold's cabin.)","Mr Gold: Well, where the hell have you been all night?","Maleficent: Don't be nasty. Regina came to find us. We had some catching up to do.","Mr Gold: Regina? What was she after?","Ursula: She was sniffing around for information.","Mr Gold: I assume you didn't tell her I'm what you're hiding.","Cruella: Oh, we were careful, darling. She doesn't know a thing.","Maleficent: Very interesting plan, bringing us all together.","Mr Gold: My plan's just beginning. But Regina does present an intriguing possibility.","Maleficent: Do you really think she'll help us?","Mr Gold: My Heartbreak turned her into a monster once. And now her heart's been broken a new. She's lost another love and is in great pain.","Maleficent: As you and I both know, pain always makes you stronger.","Mr Gold: Indeed it does. When war hits Storybrooke, everyone's gonna have to pick a side, including Regina.","Maleficent: And what war is that?","Mr Gold: Oh, the one we're about to start. And tonight... We're gonna throw the first punch.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Enchanted Forest - Past ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Regina is walking on a road. A carriage stops)","A man: Driver, stop! My dear, what are you doing out here in the middle of nowhere?","Regina: Walking home... To Leopold's castle.","A man: Oh. That's a long walk. If you'd like, I can take you as far as the next kingdom. I'm headed that way for the royal wedding.","Regina: What wedding?","A man: I assume you've heard of the queen? Briar Rose? Her daughter Aurora is to be wed.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Forbidden Fortress - Past ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Regina brings an Aurora's wed invitation to Maleficent.)","Regina: Briar Rose's daughter is getting married! A whole new generation is getting their happy endings while you sit up here and rot!","Maleficent: And why in the hell do you care so much?","Regina: Because if... Someone as powerful as you can't get their revenge... That means I never will.","Maleficent: So, you've had someone taken from you, too?","Regina: Yes. And the girl who's responsible lives and breathes. And I still don't have my revenge.","Maleficent: Do you want some advice from me? Give up. Find another hobby.","Regina: No. Isn't this a reason to get up? To turn back into a dragon? To fight?","Maleficent: I can't.","Regina: Doesn't this make your blood boil?","Maleficent: Did you hear me, stupid girl? I can't! I can't... Turn into a dragon anymore. I lost the fire a long time ago.","Regina: Then let's get that fire back.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Storybrooke ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(In Regina's vault.)","Maleficent: Sorry we couldn't stay to clean.","Regina: Oh, that's okay. You need the beauty sleep more than I do.","Maleficent: It's good to see you again, Regina. Hope you had fun last night.","Regina: Last night? Yes. This morning? No.","Maleficent: Hmm. Maybe I can help... With this world's version of magic. Don't worry. They're not poison. They're aspirin. They help with the pain.","Regina: I know what they are. It's just you're not usually nice.","Maleficent: Nice has nothing to do with it. I need you sharp tonight.","Regina: For what? More games?","Maleficent: No. No more games. You want to know why we're in this town? The fact is, we are after the same thing as you... The author.","Regina: How do you know about the author?","Maleficent: Rumplestiltskin. He spilled the whole story to Cruella back in New York.","Regina: Well, good luck finding him. I've been looking for months.","Maleficent: But you've been going about it all wrong. What you need are some new allies with new leads on this author.","Regina: And these new leads, do they have anything to do with this powerful magic you're hiding?","Maleficent: Before I let you in on that secret, I've got a little job for you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Emma, David, Mary Margaret and Hook enter in the library to meet Regina.)","David: Hey, we're here.","Regina: I said we needed to meet covertly. Now I see you brought the entire Charming softball team and their pirate mascot?","Mary Margaret: We were worried about you.","Regina: Well, then worry quickly. I can't be seen with all of you.","Emma: Regina, listen to me. This is a bad idea. This woman, this dragon, she's dangerous, and you don't know the first thing about going undercover.","Regina: I'm a quick study, and Maleficent already told me why they're here. Apparently, they're after the author, too. I simply want him to change my fate.","Emma: What do they want?","Regina: They want to shift the entire balance so that villains win and heroes lose. They feel the only way to get their happy ending is to destroy yours.","Emma: Do you think they can find the author?","Regina: They have a lead, we don't. And tonight, they want me to help them steal it... Whatever it is.","Emma: I'm telling you, these things never end well.","Regina: I understand your concern, but I'm in.","Emma: Okay, well, then I'm in too.","Regina: What?","Emma: I'm gonna stick by you. I'm gonna get your back while you do this.","Regina: No. It's too dangerous.","Emma: I said I was a part of operation mongoose. I am a part of it. You wanted my help... Now you're gonna get it No matter what it means for both of us. Whatever she has planned tonight, I'll be there.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Regina is waiting for the Queen of Darkness. Emma is ready to follow them. Cruella's car arrives, empty.)","Maleficent: Ready to take a drive?","Regina: You want me to get in that?","Maleficent: Cruella enchanted it to drive itself, or you could take the wheel if you prefer.","Regina: Yes, I'd very much prefer. Where are the other two?","Maleficent: Don't worry about them. It's just you and me tonight, like old times.","(Regina gets in the car.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(At Granny's Diner.)","Belle: You have to try some of this cake. It's delicious.","Hook: Well, look at which two survivors found a dinghy together. I do hope I'm not interrupting.","Belle: Uh, Killian, this is... This is Will. Have the two of you met?","Will: That we have, yeah.","Belle: Ah.","Will: Now, before you give in to your pugilistic urges, let's take this outside away from the lady, shall we?","Belle: And you clearly don't get along.","Hook: As much as I'd enjoy blooding you again, I'm here for Belle. We need to talk in private.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(In the kitchen of Granny's Diner.)","Belle: And no one knows what these three witches want Regina to help them steal?","Hook: Not for sure. But they're powerful witches seeking more power, and who's more powerful than the Dark One? His dagger... It's still in town, isn't it?","Belle: Why do you think they're after it?","Hook: What better way to find the author than by getting the Dark One to do it for you?","Belle: But how? Isn't it useless as long as he's outside of Storybrooke?","Hook: Unless they found a way to lure him back.","Belle: Any one of them could control him. Or even worse... Use the dagger to kill him and become the Dark One herself.","Hook: No. We won't let that happen. I assume you hid the dagger somewhere safe.","Belle: Yeah, of course.","Hook: Then let's move it.","Belle: What?","Hook: They knew him on the outside. They may have gleaned much about you. And where you might hide something. We have to put it somewhere they would never think to look.","Belle: But where?","Hook: Don't worry about that. If you want to bury treasure where no one could find it, leave it to a pirate.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Emma follows Cruella's car.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Cruella's car stops before Marco's house.)","Maleficent: We're here.","Regina: This can't be right. This is Marco's house, the town handyman. The only magical object you'll find here is duct tape.","Maleficent: I assure you, there's something far more valuable. Actually, someone... That naughty little piece of pine he calls a son.","Regina: The magical object you're after is Pinocchio?","Maleficent: He has information about the author, and we intend to make him tell us.","Regina: Which would be a good plan if I hadn't tried already. He doesn't remember anything.","Maleficent: Maybe the trouble was you not asking your questions more forcefully.","Regina: What's that supposed to mean?","Maleficent: I'm beginning to worry Cruella and ursula were right. You've spent so much time around heroes, you've forgotten who you really are.","Regina: I'd be careful questioning my commitment.","Maleficent: You want to prove to me you're the Evil Queen I remember, go inside there now and steal that little boy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Forbidden Fortress - Past ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(In Maleficent's castle.)","Maleficent: So, there's a tree I burned that's still on fire. Who cares? What does it matter?","Regina: That's your spark. That's what's going to reignite The Dragon inside you. Now, get dressed.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Before the fire tree, Maleficent try to suck the fire.)","Regina: Did it work?","Maleficent: I'm not sure.","Regina: We're about to find out. Look.","(King Stefan and his knight arrive.)","Maleficent: Hello, Stefan.","Stefan: Maleficent... I promise, if you intend to take away Aurora's happiness, you will fail... Just as you failed with Briar Rose.","Maleficent: You made sure of that, didn't you?","Stefan: Men, seize them!","(Maleficent tries to turn into a dragon but failed.)","Stefan: It would appear that you've made a fool of yourself once again... Maleficent.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Storybrooke ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(In Marco's house.)","Marco: Wonderful work, Pinocchio. She's ready, huh? All that is left is to see how she gallops.","Pinocchio: How's that, papa?","Marco: She is a steed fit for a prince.","(Regina enters.)","Regina: Hello, Marco, Pinocchio. May I come in?","Marco: Of course. Is, uh... Is everything all right?","(Regina makes Marco and Pinocchio sleep. Emma enters.)","Emma: Regina.","Regina: Emma! What are you doing here?","Emma: I've been watching you. I saw you casting a sleeping spell, and my gut said something was wrong.","Regina: Well, it will be if you don't get out of here.","Emma: Not until you tell me what Maleficent has you in here doing.","Regina: They're after Pinocchio.","Emma: I told you these things never end well. We'll have to do this quickly. Let's take him out the back and then find a safe place.","Regina: One little snafu and you're ready to pack up? What happens when Mal realizes and lets loose her inner dragon?","Emma: This is a child we are talking about, Regina. It's too big a risk.","Regina: Not if I'm there to keep him safe. If they try to harm him, I'll stop them and fight my way out.","Emma: Three of them! One of you.","Regina: I know you think I'm in over my head, but I got this. You don't know them like I do.","Emma: Then enlighten me, because ever since they came to town, my superpower's been going haywire, like everyone, including my own parents, is keeping something from me.","Regina: Emma, the only ones keeping secrets are Maleficent and her friends. They've taken a page out of the heroes' playbook. They're working together, which means we have to take a page out of theirs and break some rules.","Emma: I'll be right on your tail. I see anything I don't like, and I will come in blazing.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Regina brings Pinocchio to Cruella's car.)","Maleficent: It's good to have you back.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Forbidden Fortress - Past ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Stefan and his knights catch Regina and Maleficent. Regina tries to free herself by burning her tie.)","Maleficent: What are you doing?","Regina: I'm not going out like this.","Maleficent: You're gonna fight? There's too many of them.","Regina: Guess we'll have to hope my fireballs have improved.","Maleficent: You can't defeat them.","Regina: You're right. Not without a dragon's help.","(Regina is freed. She attacks a knight.)","Knight: Aah! Ahh!","Stefan: Kill her!","(Maleficent turns into a dragon.)","Stefan: Retreat!","Regina: Look who's back.","(The dragon attacks Stefan.)","Stefan: Aah!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Storybrooke ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Emma is still in Marco's house. She waits for Regina and Maleficent leave.)","Emma: Come on. What's the hold up? Why aren't you... No!","(Emma finds Regina's phone on the street.)","Emma: No. Regina, what are you doing?","(Cruella's car drives into the woods.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Enchanted Forest - Past ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Aurora is brushing her hair in her bedroom.)","Maleficent: You must be Aurora... Briar rose's sweet-smelling bud of a daughter.","Aurora: Maleficent. But my father...","Maleficent: Said he was going to protect you. He failed. I was going to kill him, you know. I was going to kill your mother, too, until I realized... They would suffer far worse if they were alive to see what I'm going to do to you.","(Aurora tries to escape.)","Aurora: My mother defeated you, as shall I. All it will take is what I have and you never will.","Maleficent: True love? Don't count on it. I have my own quite special curse in mind for your prince Phillip.","(Maleficent jab Aurora's finger.)","Aurora: No!","(Aurora falls asleep.)","Regina: That was inspired.","Maleficent: Well, it never would've happened if it wasn't for you. You reminded me of who I am. Thank you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Storybrooke ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Belle brought Hook where she hides the dagger.)","Belle: Thank goodness it's safe. Do, uh... Do you know where you're going to hide it?","Hook: The less you know about it, the better. Take Gold's car. You won't seem me again until it's in a place where no one will ever find it.","Belle: Thank you, Killian. The idea of Rumple returning after... After everything that happened, I...I don't know what I'd do.","Hook: At least you don't have to worry about that now.","(Belle hesitates to give Hook the dagger.)","Hook: What is it, love? Is something wrong?","Belle: Yeah, I just had the most awful thought. What if... What if Rumple's already here?","Hook: You mean inside the town lines? Isn't that...","Belle: Impossible, yes, but... I don't know. I just have this... This terrible feeling. This is my only protection.","Hook: Well, if you're concerned he's here, there's one way to know for sure. Use the dagger. Command him to come face you. If he's here, he has no choice.","Belle: Dark One, if you're here, come and face me... Now. Well, guess I was wrong. Here.","(She gives Hook the dagger and leaves then Hook turns into Mr Gold.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Mr Gold enters in his shop with Hook's looks.)","Belle: Ah, Killian. So, is the dagger safe?","Hook: Yes. And now that it's hidden, we have one last piece of business. We must swear a pirate's oath. We must promise to never talk about what happened today again... To one another or anyone else. It's the only way to assure the dagger stays safe. You have my word.","Belle: And you have mine.","Hook: I'm guessing that's a gift from your admirer, Will.","Belle: Yeah. It was outside when I got here.","Hook: If you don't mind, are... Things serious?","Belle: What it is, is... It's new. And beyond that, I-i don't know.","Hook: You're so... Different.","Belle: I know, and, after Rumple, it's so nice to... Spend time with someone who's nothing more than who he says he is.","Hook: So you're over him, then, Rumplestiltskin?","Belle: I don't know if I can ever be over him. But for now, will makes me smile.","Hook: I'm glad to hear that. Goodnight, then.","Belle: Oh, Killian, uh... About Will. I was wondering, what h... What happened between you two?","Hook: Let's just say he took something I care for.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Mr Gold comes out his shop. He watches Belle phones Will.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Enchanted Forest - Past ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(In the stables.)","Rumpelstiltskin: How did you get here so soon?","Regina: On the back of a dragon. How else?","Rumpelstiltskin: You mean Maleficent? I was certain she'd lost that power.","Regina: Well, it's more like forgotten... Until I helped her remember who she was.","Rumpelstiltskin: I thought it was you that was seeking a teacher, not the other way around.","Regina: I was. But then I realized... I already had a teacher, one who was doing quite well with me.","Rumpelstiltskin: Glad to hear it. I can see you're doing quite well, too. And why do I get the feeling that that pony's not just taking a nap?","Regina: Well, of course he is... For another 100 years or so. Maleficent helped me see death is too good for Snow White. I need to take away what she loves.","Rumpelstiltskin: A lesson I've been trying to teach.","Regina: Well... I'm finally ready to learn. No matter how long it takes, I can do it. I can get my revenge.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Storybrooke ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Maleficent leads Regina to Gold's cabin)","Regina: Gold's cabin? What are we doing here?","Maleficent: We needed someplace out of the way to hang our headdresses and hide our kidnapped puppets, and this little hovel became available to us.","Regina: No. Your dark magic... It's not a spell or an object. It's...","Mr Gold: That's right, dearie. It's me.","(Mr Gold comes out from the darkness.)","Mr Gold: You didn't really think I'd stay banished for long, now, did you?","Regina: No. I didn't.","Mr Gold: I learned quite a bit about myself on my little journey outside Storybrooke. You were right, Regina. Sometimes the teacher needs to learn from the student. And sometimes... You need to fall very far... To finally see the light.","Regina: Well, then you've finally accepted the same truth I have. You can't get your happy ending without finding the author. I suppose that puts us on the same side.","Mr Gold: I suppose it does.","(Cruella and Ursula enters with Pinocchio.)","Mr Gold: And now, with the help of the real boy you've acquired, we can take our first steps.","Regina: What are you going to do?","Mr Gold: Step aside, and I'll show you. Or have you gone soft?","Regina: Never.","Mr Gold: What a relief. You see, we're not gonna ask young Pinocchio here to remember anything... Because he can't. No amount of torture will work on him. But it will succeed on the man he used to be.","(Mr Gold turns Pinocchio into August.)","Mr Gold: Welcome back, August. Now... Shall we begin?","[SCENE_BREAK]","I knew she'd never the stomach for this. Please, I was torturing people when you were still playing with puppies.","To re-write the storybook, the queen of darkness needs answers.","I don't know anything about this author.","And nothing...","What the hell are doing here?","And no one...","I'll offer you a deal. After what you did to me, I don't think so.","Will stand on her way.","Have a nice swim, Captain."],"Show Title":"Once Upon A Time","Episode Number":"04x15","Episode Title":"Enter the Dragon","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Once_Upon_A_Time_05x12.json","Recap":["The heroes arrive in the Underworld, which bears a striking resemblance to Storybrooke. Here, souls with unfinished business live, including Peter Pan and Cora. Cora offers Regina a way out, telling her she has one hour to leave on the ferry with Henry and Robin. Regina finds the soul of her father, whom Cora has threatened to send to a deeper layer of hell if she does not leave soon. When Regina's father tells her she has come too far to betray her friends now, Cora attempts to banish him. However, as Regina has chosen to stay, Cora's attempts are ineffective, as seeing his daughter choose to stay a hero resolved his unfinished business. With his soul at peace, he is accepted into \"a better place\" and departs the Underworld after saying goodbye to Regina and Henry. The heroes realize they could potentially rescue all the souls here and continue their quest to find Hook with this in mind. Cora meets with the ruler of the Underworld, Hades, who wishes the heroes gone. He punishes Cora for her failure with an eternity as a miller's daughter once again. Flashbacks show Regina celebrating her birthday with a surprising visit from her mother, Cora."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Evil Queen: What must I do to enact this curse?","RumplestiltskinYou need to sacrifice the heart of the thing you love most.","Evil Queen: I'm sorry.","Hook: Aah!","Emma: This isn't fair to Killian. Gold tricked him. I'm getting him back.","Mary Margaret: You're going to Hell?","Emma: The Underworld. Hook, I will find you. I will always find you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Present. Emma's dream. ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(She wakes up in her dream and looks around in a confused manner, because she is in her yellow bug)","Neal: (Sits up in the back of the bug) Hey, Emma.","Emma: (Gasps) Neal?","Neal: Yeah.","Emma: It's really great to see you. Where are we? Am I dreaming?","Neal: No. If this were a dream, there'd be, like, talking doughnuts or something weird like that. (Gets out of the, before getting back into the passenger seat) Think of this as a long-distance call from an old friend.","Emma: It's really you.","Neal: How's our son?","Emma: Great. He... misses his dad. He's growing up.","Neal: I bet.","Emma: (Laughs) Is this the Underworld? I was on my way to the Underworld.","Neal: Yeah, I know that's where you're headed. That's kind of why I'm here. Don't go, Emma. Once you get there, it is not an easy place to get out of. I know you're trying to save Hook. But trust me on this. This won't end the way you think it will.","Emma: I would have come after you, too. I didn't know I could do this.","Neal: You couldn't have. I'm not there. I'm not in limbo.","Emma: Does that mean... that Hook is there? I can get him?","Neal: Yeah, he's there.","Emma: Then help me. I can split my heart and give it to him. It could work.","Neal: The Underworld's for people with unfinished business, and that isn't me. That's why I'm not there.","Emma: Where are you?","Neal: Someplace. Someplace where I'm happy. I only came here because I care about you, Emma. Stop what you're doing before it's too late.","Emma: I can't.","Neal: I figured. But I had to try.","Emma: (Breathes sharply) Neal.","Neal: I love you, Emma. I always have, and I always will. (Kisses her forehead, before getting out of the car and walking away)","Emma: Neal?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Present. Underworld. Charon's Boat ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The group are on Charon's boat, heading to the Underworld, when Emma suddenly wakes up and is breathing heavily)","Mary Margaret: Emma, are you okay?","David: Yeah, you passed out.","Emma: Yeah. I'm fine.","Mr Gold: Good. Because we're here.","(The scene switches to the group walking on the boardwalk off the small boat, and entering hell, before transitioning into them walking down Main Street, in the Underworld version of Storybrooke. The clock tower is broken and on the ground, and dead people walk in a zombie like manner by them)","Regina: I don't think we're in Maine anymore.","Emma: How is this possible? How does the Underworld look like Storybrooke?","Mr Gold: Your questions are pointless. All that matters is, all these people in this Underworld are dead and trapped because they have unfinished business.","(An engine revs, and in the distance, they see Cruella drive past in her car)","Emma: Cruella.","Mr Gold: That's right. And she's here because of you. And I imagine there are many here because of all of us. Let's not lollygag.","Emma: Split up. We'll cover more ground.","Regina: Agreed. The sooner we get out of here, the better. (Spots someone from her past that she killed)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Past. Enchanted Forest ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The Evil Queen approaches a small village with several of her black knights)","Evil Queen: Greetings, my subjects.","Woman: Your Majesty. (Breathes deeply) Happy birthday, my Queen. (Bows and is holding out a blueberry pie)","Evil Queen: (Walks over to her and dips her finger into the pie and tastes it) Blueberry. Not bad. But I prefer apple. (Signals to the peasant woman to move back) Luckily for you, I'm not here for the pie. The present I want, none of you have. But you will get it for me... Snow White's heart on a plate. I know she's been here. And if someone doesn't start talking... (Goes to rip out the same woman's heart, but is stopped by a voice)","Blacktooth: Wait. I think I can help you. I can tell you where Snow White is.","Evil Queen: Then tell me.","Blacktooth: I want something in return.","Evil Queen: How's this for a deal? Tell me, and I'll kill you quickly instead of slowly. (Begins to start magically choking him) Tell me where that wretched girl is.","Snow White: (Appears behind the Evil Queen and is holding up a loaded bow and arrow, pointing towards her) Behind you. I'm right here, Regina, and I won't let you hurt anyone else.","Evil Queen: (Produces a magic fireball)","Grumpy: I wouldn't do that if I were you.","Charming: We've got you surrounded.","Snow White: So, what do you say? Shall we end this ridiculous conflict?","Evil Queen: (Blows out the fireball) You're lucky it's my birthday and I'm feeling benevolent. (Poofs away in a cloud of purple smoke)","(The scene transitions to the Evil Queen back in her palace, and is storming into a room, her father hot on her trail)","Valet: Is this really the way you want to spend today? Perhaps it's time for a change. Perhaps it's time to give up... on revenge and move on.","Evil Queen: I will never give up. Not until Snow White's heart is in one of these boxes.","Valet: I know you loved Daniel, but if anyone is to blame, it's your mother. She ripped out his heart so you would become the merciless queen that she always wanted. Don't let her win. Don't let her control you.","Evil Queen: Mother does not control me. I banished her to Wonderland, remember?","Valet: Until you give up this quest for vengeance, Cora will always have a hold on you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Present. Underworld ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Inside the Underworld version of the mayor's office, Cora sits behind the desk, facing out of the window, when Blacktooth enters)","Blacktooth: Your Majesty. She's here.","Cora: (Swivels in her chair and looks at him) Thank you for bringing me this information. Now tell me... how's my daughter?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Present. Underworld ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(In the Underworld's version of Granny's diner, Mary Margaret enters, and Granny's is now ran by the Blind Witch. Mary Margaret makes her way to the counter and the Blind Witch sniffs her)","Blind Witch: Is that... I know you. Aren't you Snow White? (Gasps) Can you imagine? Uh, well, what can I get you? Do you like gingerbread or children? Kidding. But the... the gingerbread's actually not bad.","Mary Margaret: I'm looking for a friend. He would have gotten here recently. Uh, dark hair, a hook for a hand.","Blind Witch: (Gasps) Captain Hook.","Mary Margaret: You know him?","Blind Witch: No, no. But your description's pretty complete.","(The door opens again, and David's twin, James enters, but Mary Margaret thinks it is David as he approaches her)","Mary Margaret: (Sighs) David. You changed. What happened? Is everything okay?","James: Everything's fine.","Mary Margaret: Good, because I'm not. This place is creeping me out.","James: (Interrupts her and pulls her in for a kiss, before she pulls away after a few moments. He chuckles) . I see why my brother likes you.","Mary Margaret: (Steps back in shock) James.","James: Indeed. So, Snow White's in town. I'm guessing that means my brother is, too. All right. When you see ol' Dave, tell him there's a new sheriff in town. (Picks up a drink before walking away)","(The door opens again and this time, the real David enters. He just catches sight of James disappearing around the back)","David: Was that... my brother?","Mary Margaret: Yeah.","(The door opens again and this time Emma and Mr Gold enter, making their way towards them both)","Emma: Mom. Dad. You find anything?","Mary Margaret: Uh... there's no sign of him at the park or the town hall.","Emma: This is hopeless. We don't even know if Hook's here. What if he has no unfinished business?","Mr Gold: He died a Dark One, Miss Swan. Trust me, he's here. Look, I'm finished being a team player. If you want things done, let me do them my way. I may have something down here that can help us. (He leaves the diner)","Henry: (He has entered through the back way and makes his way towards them)","Emma: Henry.","Henry: No luck yet, Mom?","Emma: Not yet. (Sees that Henry is holding a key) What's that?","Henry: I was just checking the rooms.","Emma: Room eight. That was your dad's. You're looking for him?","Henry: I wanted to let him know I was okay.","Emma: He knows, kid. He knows.","Henry: How can you be sure?","Emma: I just am. (Voice breaking) He's in a better place, I promise.","(The scene changes to Regina and Robin who are walking down Main Street together, still looking for Hook)","Robin Hood: It's uncanny. It's so similar, yet so... off.","Regina: Well, when I conjured Storybrooke, it was with the Dark Curse. Whoever created that curse, looks like this is where they got their inspiration.","Robin Hood: Or vice versa.","Regina: (Suddenly stops, because she has seen Blacktooth)","Robin Hood: What is it? What's wrong?","Regina: (Turns to face Blacktooth) You. You've been following us. Why?","Blacktooth: Someone wants to see you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Past. Enchanted Forest ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The Evil Queen is sitting at her dressing table, picking petals from a black rose)","Evil Queen: I hate her pasty complexion... her insufferable sincerity... and her puny army of sweaty little child-beasts.","Valet: (Standing behind her) I believe they're dwarfs.","Evil Queen: I don't care what they are. They're disgusting. And I asked to be alone, Daddy. So if you've come here to talk about Mother again, I'm not interested. I just want this birthday to be over. (Leaves the room)","Valet: (Walks over to the mirror) Mirror, Mirror on the wall, we must do something about my daughter.","Magic Mirror: (The Genie's face appears in the mirror). How can I be of service?","Valet: I need you to summon... her.","Magic Mirror: I'm sorry. No. I don't have a death wish.","Valet: If you care for my daughter at all, you will do what I ask.","Magic Mirror: As you wish.","Cora: (Appears in the mirror) Oh. Hello, Henry.","Valet: Cora, are aware of what day it is?","Cora: Of course. I'm well aware it's our daughter's birthday. Let me guess... she's wasting it tormenting herself over Snow White.","Valet: You have to talk to her. She listens to you. Tell her to let go of this feud.","Cora: She doesn't need to let it go. She needs to finish it. If Regina won't be happy until she crushes Snow White's heart, then we must help her do just that.","Valet: This was a terrible idea. (Turns away)","Cora: (Appears in the other mirror in his vision) Where do you think you're going?","Valet: To talk to Snow White. Goodbye, Cora. I don't need your help. (Walks away and leaves her)","Cora: No. But Regina does. (Manages to climb out of the mirror)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Present. Underworld ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(In the mayor's office, Cora is waiting for Regina)","Regina: Mother. You're here.","Cora: Yes.","Regina: I had hoped you were okay.","Cora: I know, darling. (They embrace tightly) I know. (Pulls back) But I do have unfinished business. And that would be you.","Regina: You don't have to worry about me.","Cora: I'll always worry about you. I want you to be happy.","Regina: Then help me find Hook and get out of here.","Cora: It's too dangerous. You need to leave... now.","Regina: I promised my friends I would help.","Cora: Your friends. Your family. They're what's holding you back. Sweetheart, you must do what's best for you.","Regina: I am.","Cora: No, you're not. And if you won't, I'll see to it that you do. It wasn't easy, but I've arranged for a boat to take you home. It departs in one hour. Take Henry, take your thief, and go before it's too late.","Regina: Mother... I can't.","Cora: You must. I know it's hard to... to put aside all suspicion after how I raised you, but, Regina... do you remember the last thing I said to you before I died?","Regina: That I would have been enough.","Cora: You would have been. It just took me too long to realize it. Don't make the same mistake. Go.","Regina: What would happened if I stayed?","Cora: Sometimes a mother has to do what's best for her child, even if it's reprehensible.","Regina: Are you threatening me?","Cora: Oh, no. No, of course not. I never. But there's something I have to show you.","(Cora uses her magic to poof herself, Regina and Blacktooth to a fiery cave. Regina and Cora are in the safe section, away from the edge, but Blacktooth is standing on a small rock ledge)","Regina: Mother... where are we? What are you doing?","(Cora raises her hand, and straight away, flames begin to surround Blacktooth, who begins to scream)","Cora: Showing you your fate if you don't return to Storybrooke.","(Cora uses her magic to throw Blacktooth off the edge of the cliff and he is still engulfed by flames as he falls, before landing in the fiery pit below.)","Regina: You... you killed him.","Cora: (Turns to face Regina) \"Killed\" is, um, a relative term down here. This Underworld... most can only leave it in two ways... to a better place or a worse one. But you, my sweet daughter, have another option. However, not for long. Go home, or there will be a cost. Someone will suffer.","Regina: Who?","Cora: Your father.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Present. Underworld ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Mr Gold arrives outside the Underworld version of his pawn shop, and he looks up to see the sign broken. After a few moments, he enters the shop, to see a thread wheel spinning rapidly. He walks further into the shop and sees the chipped cup and it's matching saucer.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Past. Storybrooke ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The scene is set just before they leave for the Underworld, and Mr Gold is in the process of telling Belle)","Belle: The Underworld?","Mr Gold: I'll only be gone for a day. Just long enough to retrieve Hook.","Belle: I-I don't understand. Why you?","Mr Gold: Because, Belle, I'm the only who's been there. Plus, my blood can summon the ferry.","Belle: (Kisses him) Just come back to me.","Mr Gold: I always do.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Present. Underworld ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Mr Gold is still in the pawn shop, now holding the chipped cup in his hands. He puts is back down and then notices his childhood doll. He then makes his way behind the counter, realizing who is in there, looking for the potion that will help find Hook)","Peter Pan: (Behind him) Looking for something?","Mr Gold: (Turns to face him) Peter Pan. I certainly wasn't looking for you.","Peter Pan: Oh, come on, son. Don't be like that. Aren't you glad to see your dear old father?","Mr Gold: Just because you, uh, sired me, that doesn't make you my father. (Steps out from behind the counter and stops in front of Peter Pan) Step aside.","Peter Pan: (Moves aside) Keep looking for as long as you like. But down here, this is my shop. And you won't find anything unless I want you to.","Mr Gold: Be careful with your threats.","Peter Pan: Or what? You'll kill me again? Maybe it's time to put the past behind us. This is what you're looking for, right? (Holding the potion in his hands, before placing it down next to the wooden doll) Go on. Take it.","Mr Gold: How generous. How many strings are attached?","Peter Pan: No strings. Rumple, I meant what I said before I died. I... I do want to start over.","Mr Gold: Never gonna happen.I sent you here for a reason.","Peter Pan: I miss the world above the tastes, the smells.","Mr Gold: Sorry. You can't go back.","Peter Pan: Not unless I trade places with a living soul. And those people you came down with... they are not your friends. And they are living... for now. Maybe one of them doesn't make the trip back, but your dear old dad does.","Mr Gold: Not interested.","Peter Pan: Not yet. But... this one's on the house for today. (Picks up the potion and holds it out for Mr Gold) A gesture of goodwill... from a father to his son.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Present. Underworld ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Emma, Mary Margaret, David, Regina, Henry and Robin are in Granny's diner. Regina is back from seeing her mother and telling them what happened)","Mary Margaret: She'll really do that? She'll throw your father, her husband, into the fire?","Regina: Of course she will. She thinks she's giving me my best chance. I can't let my father suffer because of me.","Robin Hood: Regina, it's all right.","Regina: No, it's not. He's here because I killed him. The only way I've been able to deal with that is by imaging he went to a better place, but... he didn't. (Sighs) Maybe I should get on that boat.","Emma: Yes, you should.","David: Absolutely not. We're not leaving until we find Hook together.","Emma: It's dangerous here.","Mary Margaret: Which is why we're not leaving you alone.","Mr Gold: (Has entered through the back, and is walking towards them, carrying the potion vial) Perhaps I can cut through this little family squabble.","Robin Hood: What the hell is that?","Mr Gold: This is the way to find your deceased pirate. The Ale of Seonaidh from the land of DunBroch.","Regina: That's a mouthful.","Mr Gold: It lets you communicate with the dead. Pour this over Hook's grave, and we can stop guessing where he is and simply ask him.","David: You're saying Hook has a grave here in the Underworld?","Mr Gold: Everyone down here has a grave. You'll find the cemetery right where you remember it.","Mary Margaret: Well, if this works, we could find Hook before the boat leaves. We could all get out of here together.","Mr Gold: A fine idea. I suggest you all get moving.","Emma: No way. (Walks towards Mr Gold) You're coming with us.","Mr Gold: (Hands Emma the potion) You can do this part on your own. There's a boat that's leaving soon. You want to find Hook? Fine. But I have no interest in exploring this world further. You can meet me there. But that's entirely up to you. (He starts leaving)","Emma: (Goes to stop him, but is cut off by Mary Margaret)","Mary Margaret: Emma. There's no time to argue. If there's even a chance that will work, we have to risk it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Past. Enchanted Forest ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(It's late at night, and Cora disguised as the Valet is waiting in the woods, as Snow White approaches him from behind, her arrow pointing at him)","Snow White: I got your message. Are you alone?","Cora\/Valet: Alone and unarmed, as promised.","Snow White: Well, I'm alone, but I don't go anywhere unarmed.Sorry.","Cora\/Valet: I'm here because I care about my daughter. And if the war continues, it will destroy the kingdom, but more importantly, her soul.","Valet: Snow White.","(Snow turns to face the real Valet, who looks shocked. Cora disguised as Regina's father, suddenly moves forward and rips Snow's heart out, and Snow gaps. Snow turns back to face her, as Cora changes her appearance to her normal self)","Cora: You see? The only way to truly achieve peace is through war. (Places Snow's heart in one a box)","Valet: Cora. How... how are you here?","Cora: Why, because of you, Henry dear. You played with magic you didn't understand. And I never let a good mistake go to waste.","Valet: Please, I beg you. Don't do this.","Cora: (Controls Snow through her heart) Now... forget this ever happened and go enjoy your last few hours.","Snow White: (Forgets what has gone on and walks away, leaving Cora and the Valet behind)","Cora: Come along, Henry. Regina needs her birthday present.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Present. Underworld ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(The group are now in the Graveyard, and Emma is holding Hook's ring as they look out at all the graves.)","Emma: All right. Let's do this.","(The scene transitions into them standing in front of Hook's graves. The others are standing a bit further back then Emma is.)","Mary Margaret: You okay?","Emma: I just hope he is.","(Emma steps forward and pours the potion that Mr Gold gave her over Hook's grave. After a few moments, Hook appears in front of them, but he keeps flashing in and out, and is battered, bruised, bloody and burnt. Regina and Robin instantly shield Henry from the sight, and Emma is relived and also concerned when she sees him)","Emma: Killian. Killian, we're here to help you. We just can't find you. Where are you?","Regina: Emma... the spell's not steady. He can't hear you.","Emma: Just tell us where you are.","Robin Hood: Something's happening.","Regina: It's not holding.","Emma: Talk to us. Talk to me.","(Hook suddenly disappears back into the ground, the potion not having been successful)","Emma: (Falls to her knees in an attempt to follow him) Killian! He doesn't know we came for him. We... he doesn't know we're here. He doesn't know that I care.","Mary Margaret: (Walks closer to Emma) Yes, he does. And, Emma, we will find him.","Emma: Will we? Did you not just see that? (Stands up) He's in pain. He's suffering. And look at this place. We have half an hour. (Breathes deeply and turns to face her parents.) You have half an hour. Cora has a boat coming. You have to take it, or we might all be stuck here.","David: If she can arrange a way out, so can we... after we find Hook. We are not giving up on you.","Emma: Walks over to Regina) Regina. They're staying, but you should go.","Regina: No. I-I...","Emma: Take Robin and Henry... because if you don't, whatever your father is going to face...","Regina: Interrupts) It probably looks a lot like what... Hook is facing.","Emma: So, it's settled. Get them out of here. Get yourself out of here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Past. Enchanted Forest ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(It's the Evil Queen's birthday, and she is glaring at her birthday cake, whilst people are gathered around her, ready to celebrate her birthday. The Jester is trying to get her to smile)","Jester: Make a wish! Make a wish!","Evil Queen: (Angrily blows out the candle, still glaring at the Jester)","Jester: What did you wish?","Evil Queen:That you were amusing, Jester. And it didn't come true. (Uses her magic to kill the Jester) Let's wind this up. I've had enough revelry.","Cora: (The crowd parts when she speaks) Oh, don't go yet. (Starts walking towards her)","Evil Queen: Mother. How did you get out of Wonderland? Where's Daddy? Did you do something?","Cora: (Stops in front of her and is holding a birthday present) Oh, I lost track of him hours ago when I had him wrap... this. (Holds the present out for her) Happy birthday, darling.","Evil Queen: I don't want anything from you.","Cora: Oh, you'll want this. I did what no one else could do, Regina. I've brought you your revenge. (Opens the box to reveal \"Snow White's\" heart) Snow White's beating heart.","Evil Queen: (Leans forward, inspecting the heart) Really?","Cora: Crush it, and she dies at last. You don't believe me. Let me show you. Bring the Magic Mirror.","(The two Black Knights go to collect the mirror and the Evil Queen picks up the heart and laughs evilly, before turning to the mirror)","Cora: Show us Snow White.","(The mirror transitions to Snow White, Prince Charming and the dwarfs having dinner somewhere in the woods and they are all laughing)","Snow White: (Holds up her tankard) To my stepmother! May she spend the rest of her birthdays searching for me.","Grumpy: To the Queen!","(Snow, Charming and the Dwarfs all clink their tankards together)","All: To the Queen!","(The Evil Queen begins to crush the heart, and Snow stands up, gasping and Charming looks at her worriedly.)","Prince Charming: Snow.","(The scene in the mirror continues to show Snow gasping and frantically pawing at her chest, as the Evil Queen continues to squish the heart. A few moments later, Jiminy comes out of Snow's shirt and everyone laughs. The Evil Queen looks away from the mirror and down to the heart angrily before squeezing it into dust, and one of her Black Knights falls over and dies.)","Cora: Someone switched the hearts.","Evil Queen: (Angry) Who?","(The scene changes to Regina who is now in an empty dining room, inspecting her apples, when the Valet enters, carrying a box)","Evil Queen: You gave Snow White her heart back.","Valet: I had to for your own good.","Evil Queen: How could you say that? She'd be dead right now, and all this would be over. Don't you want me to be happy?","Valet: Of course, but not like this. If you crush her heart, you could be dark forever, Regina. You'll be just like her... your mother. That's what she wants. Please. Please, Regina. Please, you have to listen to me. You can be happy.","Evil Queen: Killing Snow White is the only way I will ever be happy.","Valet: I'm sorry you think that.","Evil Queen: You betrayed me, Daddy. And you know what that means.","Valet: Do what you will, dear. It matters not, because Snow White lives. And now so does your chance at redemption. Whatever happens to me was worth it. This box is as empty as your pursuit. I pray it stays that way.","Evil Queen: It won't. Until Snow White dies, I will never be what you want... let along what I want. (Takes the box from him) And this box was made to hold something precious. And that's exactly what's it's going to do. (Uses her magic to shrink the Valet so he can fit into the box) Don't worry, Daddy. You're safe in here. I just can't let you stop me. But I would never do anything to hurt you.","Valet: Regina, please. Don't. No!","Evil Queen: (Shuts the lid)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Present. Underworld]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Regina uses what is left of the potion to pour over her father's grave. After a few moments the Valet appears, and the potion has worked properly with him, unlike it did with Hook)","Valet: Regina.","Regina: Daddy. I'm so sorry. (Crying) I'm so sorry. (Sobs)","Valet: (Steps forward and places his hands on her shoulders, before hugging her) It's okay, dear. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.","Regina: Is it? Am I really forgiven?","Valet: Of course. I love you no matter what. That's what fathers do.","Regina: (Pulls back) I'm not sure they do. I think you're very special. I don't understand how you can be so good.","Valet: Oh, I'm not perfect. I have many regrets. I don't even know which one is keeping me in this place.","Regina: Well, it doesn't matter. Your suffering will not get any worse. I'm going to see to it.","Valet: No, Regina. That's I came to tell you. Your mother is using me to get you to leave. But I want you to stay. You've got a job to do... helping Snow White, your friends. They need you. They need your strength. You finally put vengeance aside to be a hero. I'm not gonna stand in the way of that.","Regina: But Mother's going to send you someplace worse. I-I-I can't cause you pain again. Mother made her decision. We both know we can't change her mind. But she's given you a way out. Both of us.","Valet: When you tore my heart out, it was driven by the worst motives. But if you stay, you spread hope. That's the best thing anyone can do. Let your old man see you doing the right thing. Then I truly will not have died in vain. (He disappears in a cloud of smoke)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Past. Enchanted Forest]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Evil Queen is now sat at her dressing table, her father still in the box, when Cora enters and is walking towards her)","Cora: Where's your father run off to? I still owe him a thank you for spoiling your birthday surprise.","Evil Queen: (Stands up, picks up the box and walks over to Cora) I've already dealt with him. Say hello to Daddy. (Opens the box)","Cora: (Peers inside the box and gasps) You've impressed me, sweetheart.","Evil Queen: (Shuts the lid) You know... Daddy may have been wrong to ruin my revenge, but he was right about you.","Cora: When are you going to get it in that thick head that I do everything for you Especially the things you can't do... like Snow's heart. How long have you been trying to get it? Because it only took me a day.","Evil Queen: And it only took you an hour to lose it. When I get my revenge, it will be my victory. You won't be around to steal it away.","Cora: You don't have the power to push me back to Wonderland.","Evil Queen: I don't need it. There's someone who'd be happy to lend a hand.","Magic Mirror: (Appears in the mirror) Hello again, Cora. Ready for your trip?","(Magically arms suddenly come out of the mirror and grab Cora around the waist, attempting to drag her back to Wonderland)","Cora: (Struggles against them) Don't do this!","Evil Queen: It's done. I've already cast a spell to seal this portal once you're through. Not even I can reopen it. And you'll be out of my life forever.","Cora: Without me, you'll fail. And even worse, you'll be alone.","Evil Queen: Better alone than with you.","Cora: You think you're better alone? Let's see how you really feel. (Uses her magic to transport the box into her hands)","Evil Queen: (Gasps and begins to run forward to grab it back, but Cora is sucked through the mirror before she can) No! Daddy! (Grunts angrily)","Magic Mirror: Well... you always have me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Present. Underworld]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(They are back in the fiery cave, and the Valet is in the same place as Blacktooth was earlier. Cora is watching on. Regina the runs in with Henry)","Regina: Let him go, Mother.","Cora: You should be on that boat.","Regina: I can't turn my back on those I love.","Cora: I know that seems like the right choice, but life doesn't work that way. I implore you, leave this place.","Valet: No, Regina. Stay here. Help your friends. She's trying to bait you.","Regina: I didn't come back just to help my friends. I came back to help everyone.","Cora: That's not possible. You have to trust me.","Regina: Let him go.","Cora:Oh, please listen to reason. Listen to me. Either way, my time in the Underworld is done. Yours can be, too. Just do what I say.","Regina: Henry, stand back.","Cora: Please don't force my hand. I don't want to do this.","Regina: Then don't.","Cora: I'm sorry.","(Cora uses her magic to command the fire to surround the Valet. Regina rushes forward, but is blocked by a barrier of fire)","Regina: No! (Turns back to face Cora)","Cora: One day, you'll understand. (Magics herself away)","Regina: (Turns back to the Valet) Daddy! (Crying) I'm so sorry.","(The fire stops surrounding the Valet)","Regina: Daddy?","Valet: Stop. Stay there. I'm okay.","(The walkway complete's itself so that the Valet can cross to the other side, into heaven)","Regina: What's happening?","Valet: I don't know. There's... something down here. It's so... it's beautiful. It's where I belong. (Turns back to face Regina and walks towards her) I know what my unfinished business was now. It was you.","Regina: Me?","Valet: For so long, I let your mother get in the way of who you really are. It was the biggest regret of my life. But now... you're free of her. And I've never been more proud.","Regina: (Sobs)","Henry: (Steps forward) Hi.","Valet: Is that...","Regina: This is your grandson... Henry.","Henry: Thank you, Grandpa... for believing in her like I do.","Valet: Thank you, Henry... for being there when I couldn't. You take good care of her. (Looks back at the entrance to heaven) It's time for me to go.","Regina: Daddy, no.","Valet: I love you, Regina. Never forget... who you really are.","Regina: Okay.","(The Valet turns and crosses the bridge into heaven. Regina is still crying)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Present. Underworld]","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Regina and Henry make their way towards the fallen clock tower, where Emma, Mary Margaret, David, Robin and Mr Gold are waiting. It's night time now)","Mary Margaret: Tell me your father's okay.","Regina: He's better than okay.","Henry: He's in a better place now.","Mary Margaret: Wait. That means everyone here...","David: Can be saved.","Regina: Every soul in this town has unfinished business. And chances are, for a lot of them, we're that business.","Mr Gold: You've all deluded yourself if you think these people are worth your time. They're not the dearly departed. They are dead, wretched souls, and I want no part of it.","Emma: What you want doesn't matter. I wasn't bluffing... I'm happy to tell Belle about your return to Dark One-ness.","Mr Gold: Our agreement was to find your pirate and get the hell out of here. If you want to distract yourself with this other asinine pursuit, be my guest. I'm out. (Walks away and leaves the group standing there)","Henry: So... who's ready for \"Operation Firebird\"?","Regina: (Laughs) Is that what we're calling it?","Emma: You referring to the mythological bird or the muscle car? (Wraps her arm around Henry's shoulder before leading him away)","(The others follow, and Regina stops to watch the clock for a few moments. The clock ticks and she smiles, before following the others. The group are unaware that Cora had been watching them, who then enters the library. Inside the library, she walks to the elevator, before getting in and using her magic for it to send her underground. Once at the bottom, she walks through a tunnel before coming out into a private lounge area with music playing. Hades is sat drinking wine and someone is cleaning his feet.)","Hades: Mm. (Chuckles) Did you hear that, Cora?","Cora: The music? Yes. But I've never been very fond of the violin.","Hades: (Chuckles) I wouldn't expect a miller's daughter to appreciate a virtuoso like Paganini, but, no, I didn't mean the music. I was talking about the clock. Did you hear that little tick up there? It was the sound of your incompetence.","Cora: Why do you want my daughter gone? What threat could she pose to you?","Hades: Ah. Tick, tick, tick. You see, each clock tick means a soul has left my domain. Do I look like I like to lose anything?","Cora: I did what you asked. I didn't want to. I... I jeopardized my relationship with her.","Hades: Yes, because you thought you could get her to do what I wanted, which you couldn't. If it makes you feel any better (Chuckles) she's going to regret her decision.","Cora:Don't threaten her. Or me. Now... I want what I was promised.","Hades: Ah. Really, Cora. I'm surprised you care so much about Regina... especially after what you did to your other daughter.","Cora: How do you know about Zelena?","Hades: Oh, I know about everything. Including why you gave her up. All so you could claw your way out of a miserable peasant life. Which (Chuckles) suggests the perfect punishment. (He chimes his glass and turns Cora back into the Millers Daughter) Look at that. A miller's daughter once again. Hurry now, Cora. You... you have flour to deliver. That's what they do at mills, isn't it? I never paid much attention. It seems like such dull work.","Cora: No. No, you... promised you'd save us. Just...","Hades: And you promised not to fail. (Stands up) Something to think about for eternity. Bye.","(Cora sobs, before beginning to push the heavy wheel barrow full of flour. Hades watches with an amused look upon his face, before his hair turns into blue flames)"],"Show Title":"Once Upon A Time","Episode Number":"05x12","Episode Title":"Souls of the Departed","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"One_Tree_Hill_01x01.json","Recap":["Aside from a love for hoops, it would seem that Lucas and Nathan are two young men with little in common, but they are bound by the dark secret that they share the same father. Nathan is the star of the high school basketball team called the Ravens and local town hero, while Lucas is the only child of a single working mom. Now the two boys' lives collide when a twist of fate puts Lucas on Nathan's team and the half-brothers compete, not only for control of the court, but also for the heart of Nathan's girlfriend, Peyton."],"Transcript":["IN THE GYM","Dan : Nathan. Remember, 20 shots -- no less.","Nathan : Got it, dad.","Dan: Quit yakking and warm up.","[ At the Game: Cheers and applause ]","Announcer : Basket by Nathan Scott! He really looks sharp out there tonight. And now a steal by the ravens. They'll go on the offensive. Coach Whitey Durham urges them on. Tim Smith -- he's got Scott! And he hammers it home! ! He's already got 14 of the Ravens' 17 points tonight. Turn around jumper ... Nathan Scott! We haven't seen talent like this since his father, Dan, played for whitey. Here's Scott again -- another one! It's all Nathan Scott!","Mouth : And here he is, ladies and gentlemen, Lucas Scott. What's happening, baby? 137 and 3 going into tonight's contest.","Junk : He sucks.","Mouth: And as a special bonus, we're joined in the booth by Junk Moreti.","Junk : You don't have a booth.","Jimmy : Actually, he's 138 and 3 -- Lucas.","Junk : Jeez, Edwards, but you can't remember to run a bar of soap under your pits? You smell bad, man. You're ripe.","Coach : You guys are stinking up the place! Time-out! Time-out! Get in here! Ravens! Come on, hustle, hustle, hustle! Just what in the hell is going on out there?","Nathan : Whitey, relax. We're up by 9.","Coach: Tim...Go in for Nathan. All right, let's get out there and act like we've played the game before.","Player : Ravens on 3. 1, 2, 3. Ravens! Ravens! Ravens! Ravens! Go!","Coach : What have I told you about that? I don't care if we're up by 5 or 50. I'm still the coach. It's still my team.","Nathan : Whatever you need to believe.","[back at the park]","Mouth : Lucas Scott with the ball. And he currently nurses a big winning streak. Come on. 14-13, game point for team Scott. Oh!","[The scene switches back and forth between the park and the Gym]","Announcer: And the hawks pull within one. And you have to wonder where is Nathan Scott?","Coach: Go on.","Peyton : Let's go, Nathan! Don't bother showering tonight.","Mouth : For those of you at home, Lucas wears his black shorts tonight with his traditional white high-tops.","Jimmy : He is currently playing without a shoe contract, Mouth.","Annoncer : Under 20 seconds to go, and it's all tied up. Fasten your seat belts, folks. We're going down to the wire. Stolen by Nathan Scott! The ravens have it! They're gonna hold on 10 seconds remaining on the clock. Now five!","Mouth : Luke flashes in the paint. Fergie finds one on the wing.","Annoncer : Scott for the game!","Mouth : Scott for the game!","[ Nathan and the team are in a school bus with Nathan driving. Peyton is driving and not paying attention to the road]","Boy : you, tell me we didn 't just steal a school bus, 'cause this feels like we just stole a school bus.","Nathan : Dude, we just borrowed it, all right?","Girl : So, Nathan, where's Peyton?","Nathan : Who knows? Why?","[ Train whistle blows as the bus approaches. Nathan is kissing the girl and doesn't see it. ]","[ bell clanging, train whistle blows ]","Boy : look out!","[ Girls screaming ]","[ tires screech as the bus stops- a police siren sounds]","[ tires screech as Peyton almost hits Lucas]","[ basketball bouncing ]","[The next day at the police station]","Officer : some of your parents see this latest incident as tomfoolery, a little prank. Personally, I see a little breaking and entering. Chief Wayman sees possession and consumption by minors and a smidgen of grand theft auto. That said, I think it's time we send a message. The following players were not involved and will not be reprimanded -- Jake Jagielski, Ruben Gutierrez, Tim smith, and Nathan Scott. As for the rest of you, all players involved are suspended from extracurricular activities, specifically basketball, for the rest of the season.","[Dan starts an argument with the coach]","Dan : So, you just walk away.","Coach : Well, well. Dan Scott.","Dan: Half the team suspended, Nathan triple-teamed the rest of the season, and you say nothing.","Coach : The inmates will not run the asylum.","Dan: You're despicable, you know that? Letting the dreams of this team just vanish. You're full of crap.","Coach : It comes with old age, constipation.","[back in the park]","Junk: You guys remember Tom Dugan from grade school?","Lucas : He used to live next door to you, right?","Junk: Some guy snapped him with a wet towel, and he lost one of his testicles.","Lucas: Come on.","Skills : Okay, junk.","Junk: Just saying what I heard.","Skills : Anyway, man, what you reading these days?","Lucas: Steinbeck -- \"the winter of our discontent.\"","Skills : Let me hear some.","Lucas : Nah.","Skills : Come on, dog. You know I be reading vicariously through you.","[The game stops as Peyton drives by]","Junk : Peyton Sawyer. You seen her webcam? In her bedroom -- I hear she's naked on it, like, all the time ... What ? I hear things.","Lucas: You know, I saw her the other night. She almost ran me over, of course.","Boy : Yeah, she pretty fine, huh?","Lucas: Ah, she's all right ... Just shoot for teams, all right?","[Back at the caf\u00e9]","Lucas: Hey, mom.","Karen : Hey, hon. Mmm.","Lucas: It smells good in here. Did you change your hair?","Karen : If by \"change\" you mean \"dragged a brush through it,\" then yeah.","Lucas: Well, it looks nice.","Karen : Thank you.","Haley : The magazine pages are sticky again. Little pervs. Oh, hey, Luke. You been reading this ?","Lucas: Is that the \"why do I hang out with these people?\" Issue, because you're on the cover of that, right?","Haley : No, actually, it's the \"my best friend is an idiot\" issue, and there you are.","[ Scoffs ]","Karen : Haley, would you like to join us?","Haley : Hell, yes.","Karen : So, honey, how was your day?","Haley : Good, thanks ... \"Good\" is relative, considering a third of the world is starving, which does not change the fact that I am clumsy as hell. Did I tell you that i fell down today? Yeah, slipped off the curb, face down, butt in the air. Too graphic ? Sorry. I'll just be quiet.","Karen : So, I got something for you, Lucas.","Haley : Actually, I found it. Not that I was looking for something specifically, which implies some hideous sort of \"Joey loves Dawson \" scenario and completely creep me out, but, you know, we saw it, and...","Haley : Well, give him the book.","Lucas : Wow. \"Julius Caesar.\"","Karen : \"There's a tide in the affairs of men\" -- or something like that.","Lucas : Nice. Thank you, guys. Thank you very much.","Haley : Whatever. That's what you're into.","[ In the coaches office]","Coach : well, well, Keith Scott. What do you know?","Keith : How you doing, whitey?","Coach : Take a load off.","Keith : You, uh, you got a second?","Coach : Oh, I got a lot of seconds. Or haven't you heard?","Keith : Oh, yeah, I heard.","[Keith takes out a flask and offers the coach a drink]","Coach : Just a little. A little more. That's good. That's good. I saw your little brother today -- Danny. He called me \"despicable.\" Said I crush the dreams of young men.","Keith : was he talking about himself or Nathan, do you think?","Coach : Both, I suppose. Hey, what did you average when you played for me?","Keith : Oh, about 5,006 beers a night.","[ Laughs ]","Coach : well, at least you were consistent.","Keith : Yeah, you gotta give me that. Hey, you know, uh... Lucas plays.","Coach : Lucas? Oh. Oh, Dan's other son.","Keith : Well, Karen's son. Dan's on the birth certificate, but they never got married.","Coach : Where does he play?","Keith : Uh...This park down by the river.","Coach : Oh, come on, Keith . If the kid had any promise, he'd be in the gym with the real players.","Keith : Like Nathan, you mean? Come on, coach. Just take a little drive with me.","[At the park]","Mouth : Luke is on fire tonight. How do you say \"hot\" in French?","Boy : Flamb\u00e9.","Mouth : Luke is flamb\u00e9. Fergie finds Luke, who takes out junk again.","Boy : They never learn, Mouth.","Keith : That's what I'm talking about.","Coach : All right, and I'm not saying I am. Why put him through that?","Keith : Because he should know that he's good -- not just playground good, but good, period. He could use that in his life.","Coach : We could all use that in our lives.","Keith : Yeah. But we had our chance.","Coach : So, you and Karen -- are you, uh... Friends.","Keith : Um... You know, I'm the kid's uncle, and I'm in their lives. It is what it is.","Coach : I remember when Dan told me Karen was pregnant right after their senior year I told him he should honor his scholarship and go to college.","Keith : I'll tell you one thing -- you did Karen a favor. And Lucas, too. Now maybe you can do me one.","[In Peyton's room]","Nathan : What are you wasting your time at now?","Peyton: I didn't hear you come in.","Nathan : Oh, imagine that. You know nobody listens to this crap.","Peyton : So, I waited for you tonight.","Nathan : Yeah, the guys wanted to tip a few.","Peyton : And you didn't even think to let me know?","Nathan : That's why I came by. You want to come?","Peyton : With the guys?","Nathan : And me.","Peyton : And the guys.","Nathan : you know what, Peyton? I'm getting really tired of this. I came here to spend time with you.","Peyton : Yeah, me and half the team.","Nathan : You want to be a @#%$? That's cool. Just listen to your loser rock, and I'll see you tomorrow.","Peyton : How about you don't see me tomorrow?","Nathan : Like I don't have other options. Look, I'm sorry. Peyton, I'm really sorry. It's just a lot of these guys got suspended, so it's like this stupid bonding thing. Look, I wish it was just you and me. But I was hoping you'd come anyway -- make it a lot more bearable, okay?","[The coach enters a classroom, where Lucas, Nathan, and Peyton are]","Coach : Scott.","Nathan : What's up, coach?","Coach : Not you. You.","[points to Lucas]","You-","[points to Nathan]","read a book or something.","[The coach and Lucas are talking in the gym]","Coach : Nice, isn't it? A lot of people like their gyms loud. I like mine like this -- quiet, clean... Kind of like a church. A lot of praying done here, anyway. You played ball in grade school. Why'd you quit?","Lucas : I didn't.","Coach : What, four guys in the park? That's not exactly basketball.","Lucas : Then what do you think we're doing out there?","Coach :I don't know. Planning a bank job? Look, I've got an opening in my lineup, varsity. Chance of a lifetime. What do you say?","Lucas : I say those people that pray here are wasting their time. God doesn't watch sports.","[Back in the park]","Skills : Were you gonna tell us, man?","Lucas : It's nothing.","Skills : Whitey asked you to play on the team, and it's nothing?","Lucas : It's nothing 'cause I'm not playing -- not with those guys.","Skills : Luke, man, I've been guarding you almost every night since we was 12 years old, right? Lucas : And I won how many games?","Skills : It just seems like a waste to me, man.","Lucas : Well, it doesn't to me. Don't you guys ever think that maybe we belong here?","Skills : No. We belong here. You've never belonged here.","Lucas : Thanks a lot, skills. Just shoot for teams.","Skills : Yo, luke, man, you know you're one of my best friends, right? Ain't nothing never gonna change that, man. But keep it real. We ain't shooting for teams. We're shooting to be your excuse. And I ain't about to be a part of that, man.","[As Lucas comes home, he sees a package. He opens it and it's a uniform. He is trying it on as his mom walks in.]","Lucas : Somebody left it at the door.","KAREN: Take it off.","[Karen goes outside, and Lucas follows]","Lucas : Mom, you okay?","KAREN: Yeah.","Karen : Do you know who left it?","Lucas : Coach Durham, probably. He asked me to play.","Karen : Maybe you should.","[ Chuckles ]","Lucas : you sound like Skills. Those guys refused to play today. They said they didn't want to be my excuse.","Karen : How'd you feel about that?","Lucas : Honestly? I was pissed. Those guys are supposed to be my friends.","Karen : They are your friends.","[She shows him a picture of himself as a boy, with a basketball]","Karen : Do you remember that?","Lucas : My first leather basketball. That was the year that skills' father told us there was no Santa Claus.","Karen : Yeah, and I tried to talk you out of it.","[ Chuckles ]","Karen : then you said something I'll never forget. You said you felt bad for the kids who never figured it out, because when they grew up and had kids of their own, there wouldn't be any gifts on Christmas morning. You're a good kid, Luke. But sometimes I feel like you're sitting out your life on account of me, and I don't want that for you. My past is not your future, okay?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Nathan is lifting weights when his dad comes in]","Dan : What are you slinging?","Nathan : About 160.","Dan : Give me that. Your mom called. She won't be back --what do you know about Whitey inviting...","Nathan : Your son to play?","Dan : Don't call him that.","Nathan : He's got our last name, dad.","Dan : The fact that he shares your last name is only wishful thinking on his mother's part. We were young -- summer after high school. We made a mistake.","Nathan : You made a mistake, all right. I mean, this guy's a zombie.","Dan : Okay.","Nathan : Look, it's kind of screwed up, all right? People talk about it.","[ Grunts ]","Dan : get out of there.","[Dan takes the weights]","Dan : I want you to go to this kid, encourage him not to play.","Nathan : I'm not afraid of him, dad.","Dan : Well, you should be. We've worked too hard to have anyone coming in now, disrupting the offense, taking away shots. Anyway, this has more to do with Whitey and me than you.","Nathan : Why do you say that?","Dan : It's a long story. If you want, I'll tell you someday. But for now, I want you to go to this kid and talk to him and trust me when I tell you, Nathan, there's a bigger picture here -- and this kid's not in it.","[Nathan is talking to his friends]","Boy : So, your pops finally mentioned the @#%$ spawn, huh? They say he's got game. Maybe we could use him.","Nathan : Please. I can get us to the state championship with three blind guys and a cripple, which is practically what I got with you and what's left.","Boy : So, where are we going?","Nathan : Let's go to the park.","[Dan and his friend go to the park to watch Lucas play]","Nathan : Nice shot. Think you can hit that against a double team, down by 2, packed house telling you you suck? How about just two people telling you you suck?","Lucas : What do you want?","Nathan : What do I want? What do you want, man? I mean, other than my girlfriend and my spot in the lineup, huh? None of us want you on the team, man. I don't want you. The guys don't want you. My girlfriend sure as hell doesn't want you. --but here's the deal. --You and me, one on one. You can name the time and place. If you win, I'll quit the team. If I win, you crawl back in your little hole and you remember your place in all this. Time and place, baby. Time and place.","[Dan walks off]","Haley : So, Nathan challenged you. Are you gonna play him?","Lucas :I don't know. It's not like I have anything to prove.","Haley : But don't you just want to show him sometimes -- oh, damn!","[A flock of birds flys in front of Lucas and Haley]","Haley : What is up?! I was attacked","Boy: a flock of crows last week! I'm totally serious!","Lucas : by the way, it's a murder.","Haley : What?","Lucas : More than one crow is a murder","Haley : I don't know what the hell you're talking about.","Lucas :A parliament of owls, an exultation of larks, a murder of crows.","Haley : I think that is why people think you're weird, right there.","[ Chuckles ]","Lucas : ah, man. I would like to show him sometimes, though, what a mistake he's made.","Haley : Dan?","Lucas : Mostly for mom... And...Sometimes for me.","Haley : So, Luke, what are ravens -- I mean, more than one?","Lucas : An unkindness.","[Peyton's car breaks down. Keith and Lucas are working on a car at the shop]","Keith : Why wouldn't you play?","Lucas :I do play -- every night.","Keith : It's not the same, Luke.","Lucas : Why? What makes it less of a game if people don't see it?","Keith : I'll tell you why. When I was a kid, my father took me to Raleigh to see David Thompson play. I was 9 years old. I couldn't have cared less about basketball. But when Thompson stepped on the court, he was so young, so quick, and just so graceful that I was mesmerized. I couldn't take my eyes off him until late in the game, and I look up at my dad, and he's got tears in his eyes. 14,000 strangers and my father's crying because he's so beautiful. He played with such poetry that he made us feel like we were a part of it. You have a gift, Luke, and it's a crime not to let people see it, to hide it in the park. It's a damn shame. That's why.","[The phone rings]","Keith : Keith 's body shop and towing.","[Lucas goes to tow Peyton's car]","Lucas : That's me inside your head.","Peyton : What ?","Lucas : NOFX. (That's me inside your head it's the lyrics from)","Peyton : I know the song.","[ Peyton uses her cell phone]","Peyton : Nathan...It's me. All right, well, listen, my car broke down. You're gonna have to come pick me up. So leave the gym. Listen, it'll take you, like, 10 minutes. I'm on River Road around the curve. Well, sucks to be you.","Lucas : Listen, are you sure you got a ride? I mean, I can wait if you want.","Peyton : Yeah, that's what I want. Listen, have your dad call me with an estimate.","Lucas : My uncle?","Peyton : If that's your story.","Lucas : Can I ask you a question?","Peyton : It's a free country.","Lucas : Why are you a cheerleader? No offense or anything, but you're about the least cheery person I now.","[Dan comes to see Keith at the shop]","Dan :Keith ! Hey! Hey, how you been, big brother?","Keith : Not bad. How about you?","Dan : Good, good. Dealership's good. I sent you some business not long ago.","Keith : Oh, yeah, I, uh... I meant to call you and thank you for that.","Dan : Yeah. Well, we're all busy, right? Right.","[Peyton is still waiting]","Lucas : Come on. Let me give you a ride. I'll let you insult me.","Peyton : First of all, you don't know me. Second of all, you don't know me. God, why are guys such jerks?!","Lucas : Guys or Nathan?","Peyton : Him. You.","Lucas : I don't know. We share the same father.","Peyton : Yeah, I heard that. He's kind of an @#%$. So that must suck, having to see him around.","Lucas : For my mom. I never knew him.","Peyton : But she told you he was your dad?","Lucas : Yeah, eventually. We used to play in junior leagues together -- me and Nathan.","Peyton : Basketball?","Lucas : Yeah, and I loved it, and I was good at it. You ever have something that you knew that you were better at than almost anybody else?","Peyton : s*x. --- Joke.","Lucas : Anyway...Guys kept teasing me about it, about how Nathan's dad was my dad, too. So I asked my mom, and she said he wasn't. But I get home, and I hear her crying in her room. I knew it was true. So I never went back. I told my mom it was because I didn't want to have to see his face. But... It was mostly because... I didn't want her to have to.","[ Sighs ]","Peyton : So, why'd you just tell me all that? I mean, we don't even know each other.","Lucas : Maybe that's the point.","[At the shop]","Dan : Nathan's got a shot here, Keith -- a real future.","Keith : A real future. Let me ask you something. Do you ever even think about Lucas' future? Do you ever think about that?","Dan : I can't change the fact this kid exists. If I could, I would. The truth is, I told Karen I'd take care of it. But she --","[ keys jingle as Lucas walks in- he throws the key and runs out ]","[ basketball bouncing- Lucas confronts Nathan ]","Lucas : tomorrow night, at the riverfront. But if I win, I'm gonna want something else.","[At the car dealership, Karen comes to see Dan]","Dan : I love that car. I love that car. My wife's got that car. I'm guessing you're not car shopping.","Karen : He's a boy who wants to play basketball, reluctantly. I find it horrifying and amusing it takes something as simple as that to bring you around.","Dan : I'm only thinking of the kid.","Karen : You have no right to think of him, not today or any other day of his life.","Dan : Are you finished?","Karen : I haven't even started. We've asked nothing of you, and you have delivered in fine fashion. I'll expect that to continue. If Lucas decides to play, you'll do nothing. Anything else might make me angry and detract from the pleasant, cordial side you see now.","Dan : You know, I know your son doesn't exactly fit in, but Nathan is all-state, and I'm not sure why you'd want to humiliate your kid like that.","Karen : You're right, Dan. I'd rather not humiliate him. You've done that enough. Nathan.","[At home, Dan sees Nathan has a pierced nipple]","Nathan : What's up, dad?","Dan : If I wanted a daughter, I'd adopt one.","Nathan : So you could abandon her, too? Just a joke, dad.","Dan : Yeah. And this bet tonight -- is that a joke, too? Or would you really quit the team? You have everything to lose here and nothing to gain.","Nathan : Sometimes what you call \"everything,\" I call \"nothing.\"","Dan : I just think it's best if you don't do this, Nathan. We'll find another way.","Nathan : No. Dad, I do a lot of stuff for you -- almost everything. But I'm gonna do this for me.","[Peyton walks out of Nathan's room wearing a towel]","Peyton : Hi, Mr. Scott.","[Keith and Karen are talking]","Karen : So, I would have preferred a warning shot on this one -- something to let me know what was coming with Lucas.","Keith : Yeah, that's fair enough. But you should see him play, Karen. I mean, it's like -- it's like poetry, you know? And he's gonna be fine.","Karen : Yeah, I know. Do you ever wonder about it, Keith -- how we got to this?","Keith : Hanging out in the old cafe, lamenting the past, Haley listening in from behind?","Haley : I am not listening. Okay, I was. I am.","Keith : Right. I just wondered how we got here so fast.","Karen : I don't know. When I see Lucas in high school, it all seems like a blink of an eye. But otherwise, it seems like it's been forever.","[Peyton joins Lucas on the roof, and turns the lights on]","Lucas : Wow.","Peyton : Yeah.","Lucas : This place looks great.","Peyton : Thanks. I just finished putting up the lights. Miniature golf is never going to be the same. your mom is worried. She's downstairs with keith picking through her past.","Lucas : Do you think I'm being selfish playing Nathan?","Peyton : Do you?","Lucas : A little bit. I mean, if I walked away, then my mom wouldn't be downstairs worried about it now.","Haley : You know, I don't say things like this very often 'cause it sounds weird, but... You're a really good guy, and I'm glad we're friends. But you and your mom worry too damn much.","[Back at the park, Mouth is getting ready to announce the game]","Mouth: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to an historic night of basketball. I'm Mouth McFadden, along with my gamey partner, Jimmy Edwards, and, Jimmy, we're in for a treat tonight.","Jimmy : And who doesn't love a treat, Mouth? I know I do -- s'mores, ice cream, cake.","Peyton : So, if you're not doing it for your dad, then why are you doing it?","Nathan : You wouldn't get it. I guess not.","Peyton : So what if this guy plays? Are you really that threatened?","Nathan : I'm not threatened","Boy : anyone.","Peyton : Well, then, why do it? To prove okay, so, what if he wins? What does he get?","Nathan : He gets you.","[ Spectators talking indistinctly ]","Mouth : just moments before the stroke of 12:00, and still no Nathan Scott.","Jimmy : The natives are getting restless, Mouth, judging by the crowd that envelops our booth. Junk : You don't have a booth.","Mouth : Junk Moreti joins us now. Junk, you care to make a prediction?","Junk : I predict you guys will be the two biggest morons out here.","Mouth : And it looks like Nathan Scott has arrived, driven by car right onto the court. Crowd:","[ Chanting ]","Nathan! Nathan!","Boy : by the way, I hope you don't mind, but I told a few people.","[Chanting continues, cheers and applause as the game starts]","Boy : come on, let's go, ba","Boy: Let's go, Nathan!","[Spectators cheer]","Mouth: okay, folks, here we go -- 15 by ones. Make it, take it, win by one, and you can feel the intensity in the air.","Nathan : You ready for this?","Lucas : Why not?","Nathan : It's your life.","Lucas : Yeah. It is.","Mouth : Oh-ho! A 25-footer rips the silk like Jimmy Edwards in a size 3 dress.","Nathan : L Go ahead, man. I'll give you that all night.","[ Cheers and applause ]","Lucas : what happened to all night?","Nathan : Is that all you got, man? If that's all you got, this is over.","Mouth : Yeah! All right!","Jimmy : This looks to be a battle, mouth. Uhh! Yeah! Yeah!","[The game goes on with both boys making great shots. Nathan elbows Lucas in the face]","Lucas : No foul. Basket counts. Besides... You won't score again.","Mouth : Oh, the basket counts, and it's 14-12, game point for Nathan. He could win it all right here. Nathan for the win. Holy crap!","[Lucas makes an unbelievable block]","Mouth : Did you see that?! Someday men will write stories about that block. Children will be named after it. Argentinean women will weep for it. Luke gets a basket, and he's down","Boy : one.","Nathan : You're down by one, man. Don't choke now.","Mouth : Another dagger, and it's all tied up! I think I'm gonna puke.","Crownd : Come on, Nate! Come on, shut him down, Nathan!","Mouth : This is it, folks -- no going back now. The next basket wins it.","Nathan : He's never mentioned you, man --not once in all these years.","Lucas : This is for my mom.","[Lucas makes the winning shot!]","Mouth : Luke for the win! It's good! It's good! Lucas Scott takes it 15-14, and there is bedlam and delirium and felicity for all!","Peyton : So, what did you bet? I win Nathan stays on the team","Peyton : why?","Lucas : Because it's the last thing he wants. And anyway, it's not about him.","[Nathan comes back]","Nathan : Peyton.","Lucas : I'll be seeing you.","[Scenes switch back and forth between all the main characters as we hear Lucas' voice]","Lucas : There is a tide in the affairs of men... Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune...","Nathan : Don't worry, dad. Your dreams are still safe. ...","Lucas : But omitted, and the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries... On such a full sea are we now afloat... ...And we must take the current when it serves... ...Or lose the ventures before us.","[In the final scene, Lucas enters the gym. Everyone stops playing and stares at him. The scene pans out, and to the park]"],"Show Title":"One Tree Hill","Episode Number":"01x01","Episode Title":"Pilot","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"One_Tree_Hill_01x06.json","Recap":["When Whitey throws Lucas and Nathan off the team bus for misconduct, the two boys wind up stranded thirty miles from home. On the long walk home, they encounter a carload of players from the team they just beat who kidnap them at gunpoint. Injured during the game, Brooke needs Peyton to drive her home and Haley reluctantly accepts a ride with them. Meanwhile, Karen and Keith attend a business function, and tempers flare when Dan and Deb are seated at their table. This episode is named after a song by The Early November ."],"Transcript":["[A CAR ON A ROAD. Inside, HALEY and PEYTON are \"dancing\" to the music as if they were best friends. PEYTON laughs]","HALEY: Come on baby.","[A CAR. NATHAN and LUCAS run to it and jump in]","[THE CAR PEYTON and HALEY are in]","PEYTON: We need some music.","[PEYTON leans toward the radio as the car veers off the road]","HALEY : [Grabbing the wheel] Peyton!","[THE CAR goes back onto the road and BROOKE jumps up from where she was lying in the backseat]","PEYTON: Sorry...","BROOKE: Where the hell are we?","HALEY: Miles from normal.","BROOKE: [To PEYTON, about HALEY] What is she doing here?","PEYTON: You invited her!","[PEYTON and HALEY laugh but BROOKE just looks confused. PEYTON turns the radio on and BROOKE grabs her head in pain]","BROOKE: Ow!","[THE CAR LUCAS AND NATHAN are in. NATHAN goes to start the car, but the tires are stuck in mud. LUCAS and NATHAN look at each other]","NATHAN: Bail!","LUCAS: Bail!","[BOTH jump out of the car and start running]","[THE CAR PEYTON AND HALEY ARE IN. Music's playing loudly, and PEYTON and HALEY are laughing]","HALEY: Nice. What's next?","PEYTON: Uh, you pick.","[BROOKE gives PEYTON a weird look]","HALEY: [Reaching toward radio] Alright.","[THE CAR speeding toward where NATHAN and LUCAS are walking. As the girls see NATHAN and LUCAS together, they lean forward in curiosity]","HALEY: Oh my-","PEYTON: Could this night get any freakier?","HALEY: Nathan with Lucas.","LUCAS: Haley and Peyton?","BROOKE: What the hell is going on?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[12 HOURS EARLIER. THE SCHOOL. LUCAS and HALEY are walking]","HALEY: Hey stranger.","LUCAS: Hmm. No stranger than you.","HALEY: Hmm.","LUCAS: Did you get my message last night?","HALEY: Nah. I was, uh, at the library late. Midterms.","LUCAS: Yours or Nathan's?","HALEY: Both, actually.","LUCAS: Well. Good luck with that.","HALEY: Luke. You're cool with this, right? I mean, last week, when you said you didn't trust me...","LUCAS: I know. I didn't mean that. Alright? I meant I don't trust Nathan.","[PEYTON starts walking toward LUCAS]","PEYTON: Hey, you got a second?","HALEY: Speaking of...","[HALEY leaves and PEYTON winces]","PEYTON: So last week... sucked. I just... wanted to say thanks.","LUCAS: Oh, you made me a mix?","PEYTON: Just trying to square my karma.","LUCAS: Uh-huh. Does this mean we're dating?","PEYTON: Listen, you've got a long bus ride tonight and I had some free time. Don't read too much into it.","[PEYTON walks away and LUCAS watches]","[OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL. NATHAN catches up with HALEY as she's walking","NATHAN: Haley! Hey!","HALEY: Hey.","NATHAN: Coming to the game tonight?","HALEY: Um... I don't know.","NATHAN: You should come. We always beat the crap out of the Pickerington Hicks.","HALEY: They're called the Hicks?","NATHAN: Well no. But they should be. The place is all pickup trucks and mulch.","[HALEY laughs]","NATHAN: It's definitely worth the road trip. I'll look for you.","[NATHAN walks away]","HALEY: Okay.","[THE SCOTT'S KITCHEN. DEB walks in]","DEB: Dan! We should get going.","[DAN walks into the room]","DAN: What is wrong with these people? Putting an SPL dinner on a game night?","DEB: Honey, it's once a year. We'll go, we'll enjoy a nice, adult evening downtown. And tomorrow you can pour over the box scores.","DAN: I still don't understand why we booked a room. It's only a thirty minute drive.","DEB: Because you and your wife are in need of some good, old fashioned alone time.","[They kiss]","DAN: I like the sound of that. [Pause] Well Nathan's got his cell. I can keep tabs on the game from dinner.","DEB: Dan, why don't we spend 48 hours without basketball and see where we wind up? Okay?","DAN: Sure.","DEB: Thank you.","[LUCAS' HOUSE. KAREN walks into the room, holding two dresses out to LUCAS]","KAREN: Okay. What does this dress say to you","LUCAS: Uh... beware of crazy ladies who talk to dresses.","KAREN: No, come on. Really. I need your help. Single and successful or married to her work?","LUCAS: Is this for that justice league thing?","KAREN: Small business league. And yes. It's one of the few times a year I get to dress up and I'd like to look nice.","LUCAS: Well, is Keith still going as your date?","KAREN: He's not a date. We're just going together. Why would you say that?","LUCAS: You guys hang out a lot. You get along well...","KAREN: Yeah, well I get along with the guy who delivers our water. That doesn't mean I'm gonna date him.","LUCAS: Yeah, but the guy who delivers our water is not Keith.","KAREN: Where is this coming from?","LUCAS: Well, you know I've been thinking, you know, that you're not exactly old, Mom.","KAREN: Thanks... I think.","LUCAS: I'm just saying that I'd be all right with it, you know... if that's what you're worried about.","KAREN: Well, thank you, Cupid. Now, help with the dresses, please.","LUCAS: Black, I guess.","KAREN: Hmm. Black it is.","[KAREN goes to leave but stops]","KAREN: Keith didn't say something to you, did he?","LUCAS: Oh, about the date that you two aren't going on tonight? Not a word...","[KAREN laughs]","KAREN: Good luck with your game.","LUCAS: Yeah, you too, Mom.","[KAREN holds up a hand as she leaves and LUCAS laughs]","[PEYTON'S room. BROOKE comes to the door, waving a washcloth as PEYTON sits on her bed]","BROOKE: Safe yet? No hostile tone, no bitter complaints, no yelling at your best friend because you broke up with your jerk of a boyfriend?","[PEYTON smiles]","BROOKE: Oh my god, a smile!","PEYTON: Alright. I was a mess last week. I'm sorry.","[BROOKE cheers in front of the web cam]","BROOKE: Apology accepted! A-P-O. L-O-G. Y? Because I love you. Get your skinny @#%$ up and lets go beat the pirates.","[BROOKE flashes her bloomers at the web cam]","PEYTON: [Stunned but laughing] What are you doing?","BROOKE: What? It's a web cam. It's what they're for. [Pause] Come on.","[BROOKE walks over to PEYTON]","BROOKE: Overweight. [BROOKE throws her pompoms at PEYTON]","BROOKE: Now we're even.","PEYTON: You're dead!","[PEYTON jumps up and chases her from the room]","PEYTON: Dead!","[A BUS. The Ravens are getting on and WHITEY'S in the front]","WHITEY: Alright! Knock it off. This is our first away game. For those of you who are unfamiliar, you sit there with your mouths shut and focus. I'll choose the music.","[WHITEY HOLDS UP A CASSETTE TAPE]","WHITEY: Tonight's theme is defense.","[WHITEY inserts the tape and old sappy music starts playing. LUCAS and NATHAN put their headphones on]","WHITEY: Lets roll!","[LUCAS puts in PEYTON'S CD and starts reading Steinbeck's Of Mice And Men]","[PICKERINGTON GYM. MOUTH and HALEY are sitting in the bleachers, as MOUTH'S \"announcing\"]","MOUTH: Good evening, ladies and gentleman, from the stinks of Pickerington where","the pirates always suck and the livestock is nervous, I'm Mouth McFadden and sitting in with me at tonight's away game is Haley James. Haley, how do you see tonight's match up?","[MOUTH holds out his \"microphone\" to HALEY]","HALEY: I'd rather not be associated with your lunacy, Mouth.","[MOUTH covers the microphone and pulls it away]","[BROOKE and PEYTON walk into the gym as the team warms up]","BROOKE: Oh, see, Lucas looks even hotter in blue. You should totally hook up with him.","PEYTON: Stop it.","BROOKE: What? At the very least you're due for a little rebound action unless you're still into Nathan.","PEYTON: I'm not.","BROOKE: Alright. Since you're my pal you can have a courtesy hold on Lucas for the weekend, but after that he's fair game.","PEYTON: He's already fair game, thanks.","BROOKE: So what's the story with that one anyway?","[They looks over at HALEY]","PEYTON: She's tutoring Nathan... supposedly.","BROOKE: And hanging out with Lucas. Right... we're supposed to believe she's just friends with both of them?","[BROOKE looks back over at HALEY as NATHAN nods at her]","BROOKE: Did you see that?","PEYTON: What?","BROOKE: Nathan just gave her the nod.","PEYTON: What nod?","BROOKE: The \"lets hook up after the game\" nod. [Pause] Wanna know what I think? I think Nathan likes tutor girl. But I think tutor girl likes Lucas. And I know I like Lucas. And I don't know who the hell you like anymore. This is all turning into one big love... rectangle plus one, whatever that is.","[PEYTON laughs and BROOKE runs off]","[During the game]","MOUTH: So as you've heard Ravens have the big lead early in the second quarter.","[NATHAN smashes the ball out of some Pirate's hands]","MOUTH: Ooh. And that's a foul by Nathan Scott.","[NATHAN walks over to LUCAS]","NATHAN: Hey. Why don't you try putting your hands up on defense, alright?","LUCAS: Why don't you try not getting beat?","NATHAN: Why don't I just beat your @#%$?","[NATHAN starts to walk away]","NATHAN: Moron... keep it up, punk.","[A whistle blows and the REFEREE throws the ball in]","REFEREE: Ball in!","LUCAS: Hey, you gonna talk or you gonna play, Daddy's boy?","NATHAN: Hey, Haley's looking pretty fine tonight, right? Can't wait to get with that.","[The Pirates get another basket]","LUCAS: [To Peyton] Hey. So I saw Nathan in the shower... yeah, no wonder you broke up with him.","[BROOKE laughs as LUCAS runs off. PEYTON just looks shocked. NATHAN throws a basketball at LUCAS. LUCAS storms back and the two proceed to fight, knocking BROOKE over and fighting on top of her. The whistle's blowing like crazy. The rest of the team separates them]","WHITEY: Hey!","REFEREE: You two! You're out of here!","WHITEY: You're throwing them both out of the game?","REFEREE: I got to, Coach. I got things rolling.","[The REFEREE runs off and WHITEY watches angrily]","WHITEY: They're on the same team!","BROOKE: [On the ground, with PEYTON standing over her] Ow! Pain!","[THE BUS HOME. The bus stops and whitey stands up]","WHITEY: Nathan Scott! Lucas Scott! On your feet!","[NATHAN and LUCAS stand up]","WHITEY: Congratulations, boys. In all my years of coaching, this has got to be a low point. That little stunt you pulled almost cost us our undefeated record. I don't give diddlee-squat about your issues with your daddy or your girlfriends. As far as I'm concerned, you can hate each other until hell freezes over. But if you're going to play on my team, you're gonna learn how to work together.","NATHAN: I can't see that happening, Whitey?","WHITEY: Yeah? Well you've got thirty-some-odd miles to figure it out.","[TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL ATHLETICS BUS LEAVING. NATHAN and LUCAS are standing on the side of the road]","NATHAN: They can't just leave us here.","LUCAS: Nice work, idiot","[THE ROAD]","NATHAN: This is great. This is friggin' great.","LUCAS: Calm down.","NATHAN: You calm down, man. My phone's on that bus. My wallet's on that bus.","LUCAS: Yeah, my wallet too!","NATHAN: So what the hell do we do now?","LUCAS: We start walking.","[For once, the two agree on something. They start walking]","[PIRATES' TRAINING ROOM. PEYTON'S outside while someone looks at BROOKE'S injured leg]","BROOKE: Ow, that's too tight.","[A young man makes an adjustment]","MAN: There. How's that?","BROOKE: Too loose. [Pause] Ow, that's too tight.","[BROOKE smiles flirtatiously at the man]","BROOKE: So you're in college, right?","MAN: Junior.","BROOKE: Oh... you know, I love college guys. [Pause] Two more years, you'll be a doctor.","[MAN laughs]","MAN: Uh, not exactly.","BROOKE: So tell me, Doctor College Boy. If you wanted to give me something for the pain, you could, right?","MAN: Well, the team doctor would have to...","[BROOKE adjusts so she's showing off her legs]","MAN: I could, I could maybe do that.","[BROOKE holds her hand out and the MAN opens a bottle of pills]","MAN: Wait. You're not a cop, are you?","[BROOKE laughs]","BROOKE: No.","[The MAN hands her a pill]","BROOKE: Well, and one for tomorrow... please.","MAN: Okay, here's the thing. Those are really strong painkillers.","[MAN turns around to get BROOKE water and she swallows both]","MAN: So just take, like, a half of one. Every twelve hours.","[MAN turns back around with water]","BROOKE: Oops! All gone!","[A ROAD. NATHAN and LUCAS are walking]","NATHAN: We wouldn't be out here if you never joined the team.","LUCAS: No. We wouldn't be out here if you weren't such a jackass about me joining the team.","NATHAN: Why do you want my life so bad anyway, man?","LUCAS: Dude, don't flatter yourself, alright? You're about the last person I want to trade places with.","NATHAN: Oh yeah? Well all I know is you came out nowhere and started grabbing everything you could from me. My game, my girl...","LUCAS: What about you, huh? I bet your grades sucked before you met me. But I didn't see you going to Haley for help then.","NATHAN: Who said what me and Haley's got's is about grades.","[A CAR PULLS UP]","BOYS IN CAR: Ravens! Hey Ravens!","[CAR stops]","BOY IN CAR: Want a ride?","LUCAS: [To Nathan] I wouldn't take that ride if I was you.","NATHAN: You're not me. You never will be.","[NATHAN walks over to the car and is pulled in. The car backs up to LUCAS]","BOY: Two little Ravens for the price of one. Get in or the superstar dies.","[LUCAS looks at the guys then walks over to the car]","[OUTSIDE THE TRAINING ROOM. HALEY walks down the hall]","PEYTON: What are you still doing here?","HALEY: I'm thinking of transferring. What's your excuse?","PEYTON: Brooke. She's been in there forever.","[BROOKE comes running clumsily down the hall, the college guy following behind her]","BROOKE: Peyton!","[BROOKE hugs PEYTON]","PEYTON: Oh boy.","MAN: Hi.","BROOKE: This is my best friend in the whole wide world. Don't you think she's pretty?","PEYTON: What is this?","MAN: She found some pills... on the floor. She'll be fine. Just uh, let her sleep it off.","[MAN starts to walk away]","BROOKE: Hey! Ooh, call me!","[BROOKE goes to chase after the man but collapses into HALEY'S arms. PEYTON grabs her to make sure she doesn't fall over]","[OUTSIDE PICKERINGTON HIGH SCHOOL. HALEY'S supporting BROOKE as they walk outside]","BROOKE: We should totally hang out more. What is your name?","HALEY: Haley...","BROOKE: Yeah. I don't like that name. Lets call you... Brooke!","[PEYTON'S waiting by the car]","BROOKE: Hi friend!","[PEYTON grabs BROOKE as well and the two girls get her into the backseat of the car]","PEYTON: Thanks.","HALEY: Sure. I'll see you guys later.","PEYTON: Where's your ride?","HALEY: Oh. I'm going to take the last fan bus back.","PEYTON: It just left.","BROOKE: That's perfect. Brookie can come with us!","HALEY: Yeah, she named me Brooke.","[PEYTON looks at her]","BROOKE: Peyton, can she come? Please? Peyton, please!","PEYTON: [To Haley] Just don't touch the stereo. Or we'll have a problem.","BROOKE: Road trip.","[BROOKE throws up her pompoms]","BROOKE: We're going on a road trip. We're going on a road trip.","[HALEY gets into the passenger's seat]","[THE CAR with the Pirates. It pulls to a stop]","NATHAN: Alright. This is my stop. Thanks for the ride, fellas.","GUY: This one's funny, Thing. Lets kill him last.","NATHAN: Wait. Your name is Thing?","THING: That's right. Thing.","BOY: And I'm Thing One.","[LUCAS turns to the guy next to NATHAN]","LUCAS: Okay, wait. Let me guess. Thing Two.","GUY: Thing Three. Because I'm the third.","[THING pulls out a gun]","NATHAN: Whoa. Dude...","THING THREE: Get your clothes off, boys. You're going shopping.","[SPL DINNER. It's a fancy restaurant, and KEITH and KAREN sit down at a table]","KEITH: Oh, what do you know? We finally got the center aisle this year. Guy must've thought I said Dan Scott.","KAREN: No. Dan's table has one spot for Dan and five for his ego.","[DAN and DEB walk over]","DAN: Well, well, well. Isn't this cozy?","DEB: Hey Karen.","KAREN: Hi.","KEITH: Hi Deb... Dan.","[DAN smiles uncomfortably, and everyone follows suit]","[CONVENIENCE STORE\/RESTAURANT. The door opens and we see a pair of bare male legs, just wearing sneakers. Then we see a second pair. We zoom up and see that LUCAS and NATHAN are shirtless as well, just wearing their boxers. Everyone looks at them, laughing. LUCAS consults a list]","LUCAS: Hemorrhoid ointment.","NATHAN: Dude, this is total crap. These guys are morons, not killers. I bet it's not even a real gun.","LUCAS: Lets just play the game, get our clothes, and get home.","LUCAS: Okay. Ah, we need two bottles of spring feminine cleansers.","[Store owner dials the phone]","NATHAN: Oh, great. A pair of douche bags.","LUCAS: A case of beer and we're out of here.","NATHAN: What? How are we going to pull that off?","LUCAS: Would you card us?","[NATHAN starts walking to the register. LUCAS turns to follow]","LUCAS: I didn't think so.","[LUCAS walks to the left of NATHAN and we see their backs. LUCAS' says RAVENS. NATHAN'S says SUCK]","[THE CAR driving along a road. BROOKE'S hitting PEYTON with her pompoms as PEYTON tries to drive]","PEYTON: Brooke! Come on...","[BROOKE throws the pompoms out the window, giggling and clapping. Then she leans over the front seat, looking at HALEY and then PEYTON]","BROOKE: Don't you two like the same guys? [Pause] Or guy, or something?","HALEY: I'm just tutoring him, that's all.","[BROOKE sits back in her seat]","PEYTON: So you're not into him? Because he seems to be into you.","[BROOKE'S now looking out the back window]","BROOKE: He gave her the nod!","PEYTON: Just be careful.","HALEY: Well, what about you and Lucas?","PEYTON: What about us?","HALEY: Oh, come on. Tortured artist meets tortured athlete? Talk about your obvious attraction.","[The car beeps to signal lack of gas]","BROOKE: I hear birds.","PEYTON: Unbelievable! Brooke, did you not think to put gas in the car?","[BROOKE looks at HALEY]","BROOKE: Answer the question, Brooke.","[The car stops]","BROOKE: Why are we stopping?","[PIRATE PLAYER'S CAR. The car's in the parking lot of the store. Thing looks through a bag]","THING: Sweet. They scored the brew.","THING THREE: Where's the p0rn?","LUCAS: Hey. You had your fun. Now give us back our clothes.","THING ONE: Yeah, man, I'm done with these clowns. Hey, lets go somewhere and get wasted.","THING THREE: With no porno mags?","NATHAN: They didn't have Playgirl.","THING THREE: Go back inside and get some hardcore.","[Sirens are approaching]","THING: Wait! Shut up! Listen!","[They all hear the sirens and then see the cruiser]","THING ONE: Come on, roll, roll, roll.","THING THREE: Go, roll!","[The car peels out of the parking lot]","THING THREE: Come on, lets go, lets go, lets go. Move it! Lets go!","[PIRATE'S car. They've pulled over to a side and the cruiser goes by as they duck]","THE THINGS: Oh, yeah. Yeah, baby!","LUCAS: Yeah, yeah, right. Alright. Yahoo! Yeah, enough's enough. Give us our clothes.","[THING grabs his gun and points it at LUCAS]","THING: Don't they say please in the suburbs?","[NATHAN grabs the gun and points it at THING]","NATHAN: He said give us our clothes, you hick.","[THE THINGS laugh]","THING: Can't you steal a fake gun in the suburbs?","NATHAN: That's great. It's a starter pistol. I knew this thing was fake.","THING THREE: Yeah, but our fists are real.","THING: Look. We'll give you guys your clothes back. We'll even give one of you a ride home.","LUCAS: Yeah. What do you mean by one of us?","[OUTSIDE THE PIRATE'S CAR IN THE WOODS. THE THINGS are leaning against the car and NATHAN and LUCAS are standing opposite them]","THING: The game is Gladiator. Basically, you guys beat the hell out of each other for our amusement. The one left standing gets his clothes and a ride to a phone. The loser... well he loses.","THING THREE: Let the games begin.","[He holds up a beer and LUCAS and NATHAN stare at each other]","THING: Okay, the game isn't called two punks staring at each other. It's called Gladiator. Get to it.","LUCAS: Alright, you can screw yourself. Because there's no way in hell that the two of us are going to fight.","[NATHAN charges LUCAS]","LUCAS: Or maybe we are.","[LUCAS attacks NATHAN]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[THE WOODS. NATHAN and LUCAS are still fighting]","NATHAN: This is great. Not only do I get to kick your @#%$ but you get 30 miles to think about it.","[NATHAN throws LUCAS against the car]","LUCAS: What the hell are you doing, man? We should be fighting them.","NATHAN: You want it?","THE THINGS: Yeah.","[NATHAN grabs the keys from the car]","THE THINGS: Oh!","THING: Wait, wait, wait!","NATHAN: You okay?","LUCAS: Yeah.","NATHAN: Pickerington morons.","THING: Give us the keys.","LUCAS: Give us our clothes.","[THING throws LUCAS a sock]","THING: Fine.","NATHAN: You guys wanna play games, huh? I've got a little game for you. It's called keys for clothes. You give us a piece of our clothes, we'll give you a key.","THING: No deal.","NATHAN: Fine. We were walking anyways.","[NATHAN starts to throw the keys]","THE THINGS: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.","THING ONE: We'll deal.","THING: Forget it. I want to walk home.","THING THREE: It's dark.","THING ONE: Man, seriously.","NATHAN: Fine. Give him his sweats.","LUCAS: That's worth a house key.","[NATHAN throws a key]","NATHAN: Hey, keep them coming.","[BROOKE'S CAR. PEYTON gets out of the phone with her cell]","PEYTON: There's still no signal. Who lives like this?","HALEY: Pop the trunk, will you?","BROOKE: Peyton, don't listen to it. It might be a trick.","[PEYTON pops the trunk and HALEY looks inside]","HALEY: Yeah, it's empty. I saw a gas station a few miles back. If I'm not back in an hour, tell my mom I loved her?","BROOKE: Don't you mean Nathan?","[BROOKE laughs]","PEYTON: I'll go with you.","BROOKE: What about me?","[BROOKE'S back in the car and PEYTON locks the doors. As BROOKE and HALEY walk away, BROOKE'S yelling]","BROOKE: I could suffocate in here. Guys!","HALEY: You did crack a window, right?","[PEYTON laughs]","BROOKE: Guys! Come on! I'm scared! Please! Come on, you guys. Don't go! Someone will come!","[PEYTON and HALEY walk off]","[SPL DINNER. Another couple's now sitting with KEITH, KAREN, DAN, and DEB]","DAN: Scott Motor Company's been reaching a lead in new car sales for the past six years. Pretty soon we'll be the top dealership in North Carolina.","MAN: [Pointing between KEITH and DAN] So you two are in business together?","DAN: Uh, no. I own the company. Uh, Keith runs a garage.","KEITH: I fix the junk that he sells.","[The other couple laughs]","DAN: Alright. Lets give credit where credit's due. Big brother here has been tinking with cars for years. If it wasn't for his influence and, uh, lack of initiative, I may never have been able to realize my dream.","KEITH: Hmm. Was it really my influence, Dan? Because I thought it was Deb's money that bankrolled your dream.","[DAN laughs and everyone else looks around uncomfortably]","DAN: True. Deb's father took a leap of faith with me. Of course, I returned his investment ten-fold. And every good business man knows it's a long road from seed money...","MAN: To profit.","DAN: To profits, exactly.","MAN: Amen to that.","DAN: So Keith. You talk about being a self-made man but... self-made into what?","KEITH: Excuse me.","[KEITH gets up and leaves. KAREN and DEB look at DAN]","[IN THE WOODS. NATHAN holds up a key]","NATHAN: Last key. You got one thing left.","THING: Give us the car key and we'll give you the shirt.","NATHAN: I can live without my shirt.","[NATHAN throws the key into the woods]","THE THINGS: Oh man, no!","NATHAN: Have fun walking.","[NATHAN and LUCAS run off]","THING: Just find the key... we're gonna kill those guys.","[A ROAD. HALEY and PEYTON are walking]","HALEY: What did you mean before? About Nathan when you said before?","PEYTON: I just know him, that's all.","HALEY: Said the ex-girlfriend.","PEYTON: Look, we were crazy with drama but I'm over it. He's not a complete waste. He just- he's really threatened by Lucas. It could all just be a big mind game. That's how he works. [Pause] Do you like him?","HALEY: I was- talk about stuff, you know what I mean?","PEYTON: Like what?","HALEY: Like school or... his dad.","PEYTON: Oh. Dan. Danny sure did a number on his boy, right?","HALEY: Yeah. Both of them.","PEYTON: So you didn't answer my question. Do you like him?","HALEY: It- it doesn't matter. I mean, that... it would be too weird around Lucas.","PEYTON: That's his problem. You've got a life to live too.","HALEY: It just seems kind of selfish.","PEYTON: Why? Did he ask you if he could go out with me?","HALEY: Did he ask you out?","PEYTON: No.","[They laugh]","PEYTON: That's not the point. No. He wouldn't ask permission. So why should you?","HALEY: Would you say yes if he asked you out?","PEYTON: It depends. What song is playing... am I in a mood... is he smiling when he asks or is he doing that goofy brooding thing he does?","HALEY: Oh, you know I think he's definitely doing the broody thing.","PEYTON: He does that all the time!","HALEY: It's strange. Just... the night away from school. It feels like you and I actually live on the same planet.","PEYTON: Life plays trick on you like that.","HALEY: Mmm.","[They continue to walk]","[SPL DINNER. KEITH'S sitting alone and DEB walks over to him]","DEB: Can I bankroll another drink for you?","KEITH: I'm sorry about that. [Pause] I, uh, I shouldn't have dragged you into it. Sometimes my little brother has a way of getting to me...","DEB: He has a gift.","KEITH: Yeah.","DEB: You know, um, you and Karen really go nicely together.","KEITH: I don't think she sees me that way.","DEB: Hmm. How do you see her?","KEITH: She's amazing. She's strong, she's beautiful and uh, you know, she's a great mother to Lucas.","DEB: So...","KEITH: A relationship would just complicate things. What about you, Deb? Tonight was just part of the course with him. And, uh, I know it's none of my business but why are you...","DEB: Why do I stay with him.","KEITH: Yeah...","DEB: It's okay. Uh, believe it or not, some days he's the man I fell in love with and other days... I don't know. Besides, if you've got Lucas to consider, I've certainly got Nathan. [Pause] Come on. Lets go rescue Karen.","KEITH: Yeah.","[KEITH and DEB both get up]","[THE WOODS. NATHAN and LUCAS are hiding within hearing distance of THE THINGS]","THING: Alright, it's a blue key chain.","THING ONE: Dude, look over here moron. Is that blue?","THING THREE: Are you color blind?","LUCAS: I can't believe you sucker punched me.","NATHAN: I had to. It got us outta there, didn't it?","[LUCAS takes off his sweatshirt and hands it to NATHAN]","LUCAS: Here.","[NATHAN puts on the sweatshirt]","LUCAS: So what's your master plan, genius? Huh? You gonna hotwire the car?","NATHAN: Actually, we're not gonna have to. Those idiots are gonna flip out when they find a key chain with no car key.","[GAS STATION. PEYTON and HALEY look in the door. It's dark]","PEYTON: Great! And no phone. What are we going to do?","[HALEY looks around and sees a pickup truck]","[THE WOODS where NATHAN and LUCAS are hiding]","NATHAN: So we'll get the car, we'll drive into town, we'll find a phone, and we'll ditch it.","LUCAS: Wait, what if they report it stolen?","NATHAN: Well I kinda think that the cops got the license plate number earlier, don't you?","LUCAS: Yes, but they didn't see who was driving that car. I mean, think about it, if they pull us over they can pin everything on us.","NATHAN: What if we sit here and we talk about it all night, huh? Got any better ideas?","LUCAS: [Resigned] I'll drive.","NATHAN: No. I'll drive.","[They take off toward the car and NATHAN starts it]","THING: Whoa, whoa!","NATHAN: Pickerington sucks!","[The car's stuck in mud]","THING: Oh yeah, oh! They aren't going anywhere. Lets go get them, boys!","[NATHAN and LUCAS look at each other]","NATHAN: Bail.","LUCAS: Bail!","[They jump out of the car and start to run]","THING: We're gonna pluck you, Ravens!","THING THREE: Hey, I've still got your shirt!","THING: Shut up! They can run but they can't hide!","[GAS STATION. HALEY and PEYTON reach the truck]","HALEY: Oh yes!","PEYTON: So what are you doing?","HALEY: Um...here, hold this.","[HALEY hands PEYTON a pocketknife]","PEYTON: Or you'll stab me?","HALEY: A girl can't be too safe. [Pause] Here, try and get that gas cap open, will you?","PEYTON: Does this really work?","HALEY: We are about to find out.","[HALEY inserts a tube into the gas tank and starts sucking]","PEYTON: Had a lot of practice?","[HALEY looks at her]","PEYTON: At sucking gas. What did you think I meant?","HALEY: You wanna do it?","PEYTON: Watch out for the golf ball.","[HALEY moves back as the gas starts to come out]","HALEY: Ooh! Ooh! [Pause] Oh, yeah.","PEYTON: Are you kidding?","[HALEY looks up, grinning]","PEYTON: Dude, who knew you were like the 4th Charlie's Angel?","[Both girls laugh]","[THE WOODS]","THINGS: [Driving around] Oh Ravens! Come out and play","LUCAS: [To Nathan] Still out there.","NATHAN: They'll get bored eventually.","LUCAS: So that was a pretty good move with the car keys.","NATHAN: Yeah. It doesn't change the fact that my dad's gonna kill me for getting kicked out of that game.","[LUCAS looks at him but looks away quickly]","NATHAN: You should consider yourself lucky sometimes.","LUCAS: Lucking out of a dad?","NATHAN: At least this one. [Pause] I remember this one summer, I was playing little league baseball and I was the pitcher and my dad was the coach. Anyway, this kid Billy Lyons, he was a great hitter. Everything he hit was a homerun. So, you know, he got up to the plate and there was nobody on base so I just walked him. Four straight pitches, nothing even close to a strike. So my dad calls a timeout, comes to the mound, and I'm thinking he's gonna say like, Smart move or Good thinking son, something like that. But instead... instead he grabs me by the arm, and he kicks me in the @#%$ as hard as he can. I mean, he literally took me by the arm so that I wouldn't like, go flying, he kicked me so hard. Then he brought Stevie Planking into pitch, sat me on the bench, never mentioned it again.","LUCAS: That sucks.","NATHAN: Yeah. [Pause] So just think about that the next time you're feeling sorry for yourself.","[SPL DINNER. DAN'S on his phone]","DAN: I haven't heard from you, Nathan. I'm starting to get nervous. Uh... just call and leave your stats on my phone as soon as you get this.","[KEITH and DEB walk over]","KAREN: [To Keith] You okay?","KEITH: Yup. Just a little bit hammered.","DEB: Sorry, Karen. It was my fault.","[DEB looks at DAN]","DAN: What?","DEB: I thought we said no basketball.","DAN: What do you want from me, Deb? You leave me here with Karen and these two?","[DAN looks at KEITH, who's taking a sip of wine]","DAN: How you doing, boozy?","[KEITH starts laughing]","KAREN: Alright, you know what? I'm ready to go.","DAN: Oh, there, see. Your ride's leaving. I mean, she may not be much of a date but at least she's a reliable designated driver.","DEB: Dan, that's enough.","KEITH: You know, maybe you oughtta spend a little less time worrying about my relationship and a little more time paying attention to your own.","[DAN leans over the table]","DAN: If you call chasing after my leftovers a relationship.","[KEITH jumps out of his chair and tries to punch DAN who jumps out of the way. KEITH falls into a table]","KAREN: Keith! Keith! It's not worth it.","KEITH: Come on!","KAREN: Keith! Come on, come on. Please? Lets just go, alright?","KEITH: Okay, I'm fine.","DAN: It was a joke.","KAREN: Come on, please.","[DEB glares at DAN]","[BROOKE'S CAR. PEYTON and HALEY have just gotten back and HALEY'S refilling the gas tank. PEYTON'S in the driver's seat. PEYTON turns around to see BROOKE passed out across the back seat, her bloomers showing. She starts laughing as does HALEY]","[THE WOODS]","LUCAS: Man, it's been like, what? Twenty minutes? Think they're coming back?","[NATHAN starts laughing]","LUCAS: What?","NATHAN: Thing, Thing One, and Thing Three.","[LUCAS laughs]","LUCAS: Well, yeah man, he was the third.","NATHAN: Yeah.","LUCAS: Hey. What are we doing hiding from these idiots anyway, huh? Look, I can hold my own. And I know that you could throw a pretty damn good punch. [Pause] I say lets take these fools on.","NATHAN: Alright. I'm in for that.","[NATHAN and LUCAS jump up]","[SPL DINNER. DAN'S sitting alone at a table, drinking, when DEB comes up behind him and sits across from him]","DEB: Are you gonna stay down here all night?","DAN: I made a call. Nathan got thrown out of the game tonight for fighting with Lucas.","DEB: Fighting with his brother. Hmm. I wonder where he gets that from?","DAN: His phone's turned off. No one's answering at home.","DEB: But he's okay?","[DAN doesn't know]","DAN: I'm sorry about tonight, Deb. I don't know how things got so out of hand.","DEB: Things didn't get out of hand, Dan. You did.","DAN: He threw the first punch.","DEB: You provoked him.","DAN: Nathan's prospects took a huge blow tonight. Can we just focus on him?","DEB: That's the wrong answer, Dan. And if you don't know that, I'm not sure I know you anymore.","DAN: Well that's a two way street.","DEB: I'm gonna go upstairs and pack. We should go home.","[DEB gets up and leaves DAN sitting there]","[BROOKE'S CAR. HALEY'S waving her hand to the music. PEYTON looks ub\u00ebr-serious and BROOKE'S still passed out]","HALEY: He cares about you, you know?","PEYTON: Yeah. [Pause] We need some music.","[PEYTON leans toward the radio as the car veers off the road]","HALEY : [Grabbing the wheel] Peyton!","[THE CAR goes back onto the road and BROOKE jumps up]","PEYTON: I'm sorry...","BROOKE: Where the hell are we?","HALEY: Miles from normal.","BROOKE: [To PEYTON, about HALEY] What is she doing here?","PEYTON: You invited her!","[PEYTON and HALEY laugh but BROOKE just looks confused. PEYTON turns the radio on and BROOKE grabs her head in pain]","BROOKE: Ow!","[HALEY and PEYTON laugh]","[KAREN'S HOUSE. KEITH'S lying on the couch and KAREN walks over with a cloth and places it on his head]","KEITH: I cannot believe I let him get to me.","KAREN: So did I. I guess we both should know better by now.","KEITH: Yeah, but even so... you should be able to count on me. It's like I can see the guy that I am in my head and I can see the guy that I want to be and they're just... it's not the same.","KAREN: That's okay, Keith. I like who you are. [Pause] And I do count on you. More than you know. [Pause] Can I tell you a secret?","KEITH: Sure.","KAREN: Lucas called tonight a date for us.","[KEITH laughs]","KAREN: And for a while, I pretended that it was. And it felt good.","[KEITH'S half asleep]","KEITH: Can I tell you a secret?","KAREN: Sure. Go ahead.","KEITH: I pretended that too.","[KAREN smiles]","KEITH: I love you.","[The smile disappears]","KEITH: Always have.","[KAREN stares at him]","[BROOKE'S CAR. Music's playing loudly, and PEYTON and HALEY are laughing. The song ends]","HALEY: Nice. What's next?","PEYTON: Uh, you pick.","[BROOKE gives PEYTON a weird look]","HALEY: [Reaching toward radio] Alright.","BROOKE: This is so tragic. You two don't actually think you're going to be friends tomorrow, do you?","[BROOKE leans forward as PEYTON and HALEY lose their smiles]","[THE ROAD. NATHAN and LUCAS are walking]","LUCAS: So this Haley thing... you know, for some reason she feels like you're not full of crap. Don't take advantage of that.","NATHAN: I'm not going to.","LUCAS: I know you're not. Because if you do, you're going to live to regret it.","NATHAN: Bring it on. [Pause] Hey, listen. Look, man, you didn't have to get in that car when those guys grabbed me. Especially after you warned me not to.","LUCAS: Right, whatever. You know the way I see it, I mean, if they would've taken you out, who the hell else am I gonna have to fight with, right?","NATHAN: Same person I have.","[NATHAN turns around and starts walking. LUCAS follows. They hear a car]","LUCAS: Car. [Pause] You ready?","NATHAN: Yeah.","LUCAS: Lets do it.","[They stand side by side in the street as the car approaches. It stops]","LUCAS: Haley and Peyton.","[BROOKE'S CAR]","HALEY: Oh my Gosh. Nathan with Lucas?","[BROOKE'S CAR, driving away. LUCAS and NATHAN are now sitting on either side of BROOKE]","LUCAS: [V.O.]: As happens sometimes a moment settled...","[THE SCHOOL. HALEY sees PEYTON and BROOKE and smiles. They don't respond]","LUCAS: [V.O.] ... and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped...","[PEYTON looks at HALEY but doesn't wave or anything]","LUCAS: [V.O.] ... for much, much more than a moment.","[HALEY walks away and PEYTON looks away]","LUCAS: [V.O.] And then the moment was gone."],"Show Title":"One Tree Hill","Episode Number":"01x06","Episode Title":"Every Night is Another Story","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"One_Tree_Hill_01x12.json","Recap":["After Peyton receives the devastating news that her father is lost at sea, she and Lucas take an overnight trip to Hilton Head to identify a body that has washed ashore. Overcome with emotion, Peyton kisses Lucas. Meanwhile, an unexpected visit from Dan's parents leaves the Scott family in turmoil, as numerous family secrets are revealed at Dan's birthday dinner. This episode is named after a song by Gameface."],"Transcript":["[Peyton's Room]","(Talking to her dad via web cam)","MR. SAWYER: Hey, honey.","PEYTON: Hey, dad. What's going on with the unibomber look?","MR. SAWYER: I was going for George Clooney","PEYTON: Go further.","MR. SAWYER: That's right you're not used to seeing me like this. See when I'm on the job I usually let it grow then I shave it off right before I come home. Kind of a ritual for me.","PEYTON: Well make sure you find a razor day after tomorrow","MR. SAWYER: And after that, I'm gonna be shaving a lot more often.","PEYTON: Okay","MR. SAYWER: Hey Brooke, Hey rake boy. (Peyton looks behind her as they walk in) I see nobody uses the doorbell still.","BROOKE: Papa Peyton, the scruffy thing's working for you.","MR SAWYER: What are you guys up to so early?","BROOKE: I don't know. Peyton just asked us...","PEYTON: Oh no, you know what? You'll find out when you get home.","MR SAWYER: Not even a little hint?","PEYTON: Uh Uh. Not even. I love you","(Brooke Waves Bye)","MR SAWYER: You better. Love you too, honey.","PEYTON: Bye. (Turns off camera and stands up)","BROOKE: So what's the surprise?","PEYTON: I need your help with something. Come on.","(She walks out and the others follow)","[Peyton's Driveway]","(Peyton pulls a cover off an old red car)","LUCAS: (whistles) Damn that's nice. Is this your dads?","PEYTON: Yeah, he hasn't driven it in like a year though. Do you think you can get it to run?","BROOKE: Of course he can. And he's going to look good doing it too in a tight little wife beater, maybe some grease smudges.","(Lucas pops the hood)","PEYTON: And I was thinking maybe you could help me wash and wax it.","BROOKE: Glad to help","PEYTON: I just want to do something nice for him. Since he's coming home.","LUCAS: Alright, I'll go get my tools.","[Nathan's house]","(Door bell rings, Nathan answers)","MAY: Surprise!","ROYAL: You answer the door in your underwear?","NATHAN: Grandma, Grandpa. What are you guys doing here?","DEB: (Walking to the door) Royal, May, oh what a surprise.","ROYAL: Well thanks for the warm welcome. (To May) I told you this ambush was a bad idea.","MAY: He's dragging me to another one of those auto conventions.","ROYAL: Nobody's dragging anybody anywhere.","MAY: I told him that the only way I'd go is if we came by here for Danny's birthday.","DEB: Oh, Dan's birthday, of course.","NATHAN: Yeah","ROYAL: Well you going to leave us standing out here all morning freezing our asses off?","DEB: Oh...","NATHAN: Come on in.","MAY: Kiss Granny.","ROYAL: Looks like you put on a few there, Deb. It looks good on you.","[Dan Scott Motors]","(Deb catches Dan walking inside)","DEB: Dan.","DAN: You remembered. I'm touched.","DEB: Oh I'm not here to wish you a happy birthday. But your parents are.","DAN: What?","DEB: Yeah they showed up at the house. Apparently you never told them that you're not living there right now.","DAN: How'd they take it?","DEB: You think I told them? I'm not going to be on the receiving end of that. That's your job.","DAN: Well how long are they here?","DEB: Just tonight. But it gets better. Your mother is cooking you a big birthday dinner.","DAN: Oh perfect. Alright so what are we going to do?","DEB: We are not going to do anything. You are going to go to the house right now, and tell them we're separated.","DAN: No, we're doing the counseling. We can work this thing out right? Isn't that the whole point?","DEB: It is.","DAN: Well you know how they are. DO you really want them weighing in on the state of our marriage? Do you remember when we told them we weren't going to have any more kids? How many times did my dad call you? And now you don't even have the option of hanging up on him.","DEB: Go on, Dan. Just say it.","DAN: We go through the motions tonight. Get it over with. Send them on their way. Go back to working on us. Besides, it might do us some good to try and remember what its like to be a normal family.","DEB: Fine, just for tonight.","DAN: Just for tonight.","(Deb walks out)","[Karen's Caf\u00e9]","(Haley is working when Royal walks in)","HALEY: Good morning, Sir. Table or counter?","ROYAL: Um, actually, I'm looking for Karen.","HALEY: Oh you know what? She's in Italy right now. Cooking school.","ROYAL: Good for her. (smiles) How's that boy of hers doing?","HALEY: Lucas is great. She calls in every once and a while. You want me to leave a message?","ROYAL: No that's alright. I'll just catch her the next time I'm passing through.","HALEY: Ok, can I tell her who stopped by? Mr...","ROYAL: Just an old friend. (leaves the caf\u00e9)","(Deb comes out from the back after seeing Royal there)","[Peyton's driveway]","(Lucas is sitting in the car working on it, Brooke is leaning in the passenger's window)","LUCAS: Well, it's not the battery. It's probably the starter.","BROOKE: Well you can fix that right?","LUCAS: Yeah, it shouldn't be a problem. (Brooke gets in next to him) It's an amazing car.","BROOKE: It's an amazing guy. (Pulls him in by the necklace for a kiss)","LUCAS: Is that what you got me in this thing for? (Brooke nods) Yeah... (they keep kissing and get out when Peyton comes outside) I was, just getting started.","BROOKE: Sadly, so was I. (Sees Peyton's worried) What's wrong?","PEYTON: I'm just worried about my dad.","[Peyton's bedroom]","PEYTON: Okay I just checked online and now they're saying it's a category 3 hurricane","LUCAS: Alright and you already checked on the web cam right?","PEYTON: Yeah its out.","BROOKE: Well maybe he turned it off.","PEYTON: Or the storm did it for him.","LUCAS: Yeah but storms knock that kind of thing out all the time right? Anyway, aren't dredging boats huge?","PEYTON: He wouldn't be on the dredging boat. Right now, if there's a storm headed his way, he'd be on this little tiny transport heading back to shore and that's what worries me.","LUCAS: Okay, Peyton, just stop. Don't do this to yourself, alright? Just because he hasn't checked in doesn't mean something's happened.","PEYTON: Doesn't mean it hasn't either.","[on the streets]","(Haley and Nathan are walking past shops)","HALEY: So this dinner thing's gonna be pretty bad huh?","NATHAN: Massacre. My Grandma's okay. It's just my Grandpa's pretty intense. You've met my dad. Just imagine where he comes from.","HALEY: Scary.","NATHAN: Yeah. You should come tonight. Maybe it will make everybody behave.","HALEY: (laughs) I'll come if you want me to.","NATHAN: No, I wasn't serious. I wouldn't put you through that.","HALEY: No I mean, if you're asking, of course my answer's yes.","NATHAN: Well, then I'm asking.","HALEY: Well then I'm coming.","[Dan Scott Motors]","(Dan walking in the showroom with a customer)","DAN: Let me get this right, the charcoal finish, custom leather package, and what you want is a champaign interior.","(Royal walks in)","ROYAL: I'm here to see the manager.","DAN: (to customer) Excuse me","ROYAL: Hey fellow, you ought to know who you're doing business with.","CUSTOMER: Is there a problem?","ROYAL: Well you're buying from Dan Scott. Basketball legend. Still holds the all time scoring record for Tree Hill. Made all-state his Senior year.","CUSTOMER: No kidding.","ROYAL: No kidding","DAN: (to customer, pointing at Royal) My dad.","CUSTOMER: I figured. You play college too?","ROYAL: Would have, but he blew his knee out in his freshman year. He got robbed. Would have been one of the greats.","DAN: Dad, Mr. Miller's really not interested. (To Mr. Miller) I'll tell you what, meet me in my office. Ok? I'll be right in.","CUSTOMER: Yea.","DAN: Champaign interior, right? Alright.","ROYAL: What? Somebody's got to brag on you. And you're not going to close that sale without your old mans help you know that, don't you?","DAN: You know you always were my biggest promoter.","ROYAL: Yeah well. (Hits Dan in the stomach and feels his abs) Hey still in shape. Good for you.","[Nathan's house]","(Dan and Deb in the dinning room before dinner)","DAN: Oh you're home. Listen I called Nathan. I told him not to Dad that he's not going to practice.","DEB: You mean that he quit the team?","DAN: You know what I mean. I also told Keith to avoid the subject.","DEB: Any other lies I should remember to tell?","DAN: I'm trying to protect our son from my father, okay?","DEB: You don't even see the irony do you?","(May walks in)","DAN: Mom, you look beautiful as ever.","MAY: God bless you for a liar.","DAN: When I compliment you, you call me a liar.","MAY: You look tired.","(Royal comes in)","ROYAL: Hey, son, what's the deal? No more Charlotte hornets?","DAN: Yeah New Orleans can have them. You think they have playoffs hope?","ROYAL: No, no.","MAY: No sports talk","ROYAL: Oh come on. (doorbell rings) Yes ma'am. (Starts to sit at the head of the table; Dan coughs and gestures at the seat next to it) I just became head of the table then huh?","(Keith enters)","MAY: Keith!","KEITH: (hugs May) You look great.","ROYAL: Well look what the cat dragged in.","KEITH: It's good to see you too, dad. (Shakes his hand) Happy birthday, Danny.","DAN: Yeah thanks. (Shack hands)","MAY: Come on, have a seat. Dinner is almost ready. (Keith kisses Deb on the cheek)","KEITH: Hey Deb.","MAY: Danny will you pour some wine please?","DAN: I'm on it.","KEITH: Amen to that. Uh, listen mom, we're going to need another place setting, I invited a guest.","MAY: A date! Oh my goodness, well you get that chair over there...","(Nathan and Haley walk in)","NATHAN: Grandpa, Grandma, this is Haley.","ROYAL: Oh Haley.","HALEY: Hi.","ROYAL: Nice to meet you. (shaking her hand)","HALEY: Nice to meet you too. (Both of them obviously recognizing each other from the caf\u00e9; Deb looks nervous about them too)","ROYAL: Well, Nathan, you're looking more and more like your old man every day. We all know where he gets his good looks don't we? Well come on in. You sit right here next to me, hun. (Pulls a chair out for Haley)","HALEY: Thank You.","(doorbell rings)","MAY: I'll get it. (laughs as Whitey walks in. He hugs her)","ROYAL: Oh my goodness, Whitey! Good to see you.","WHITEY: Good evening everybody. Sorry I'm late. (continues to talk to Royal in the background)","NATHAN: (silently to Haley) Glad you came?","HALEY: Yeah.","[Peyton's driveway; night]","(Lucas is working under the hood and Brooke is sitting in the drivers seat)","LUCAS: Alright, try it again. (Brooke starts the engine. They laugh, excited that it works)","BROOKE: We got power!","LUCAS: Whooo","BROOKE: Peyton, come check it out. (Peyton walks out looking very upset; Brooke gets out of the car) What is it?","PEYTON: I just got a phone call. Um, it's the storm. My dad's transport is missing. There were three guys on it. They recovered a body.","LUCAS: What'd they tell you?","PEYTON: I have to go see if it's him. (everyone is shocked)","[Inside Peyton's house]","LUCAS: Alright you sure you shouldn't call your Grandma?","PEYTON: No she'd freak out. I'd rather not upset her. Besides its not going to be my dad.","BROOKE: Of course its not","PEYTON: Let's go ahead and get this over with. We have a 4 hour drive ahead of us.","BROOKE: A 4 hour drive into a storm?","PEYTON: Well the storms passing through. By the time we get there it should be gone.","LUCAS: Okay wait a second. Shouldn't somebody stay here by the phone? I mean incase your dad calls.","BROOKE: I will. You go with Peyton.","LUCAS: You sure?","BROOKE: Yeah. Lucas you're good in crisis, not that there's going to be one. But I would probably end up falling apart and you'd end up taking care of me which is not the point, so... (To Peyton) I love you. (Hugs her) It's going to be okay. (To Lucas) You're the best. (kisses him; Peyton and Lucas walk out the front door) I'll call you guys if I hear anything.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Nathan's house]","ROYAL: So, how's the team doing this year, Whitey?","DAN: Oh we're still undefeated actually. Dad, you still rooting for the Magic these days?","MAY: Please! No talk of sports until after dinner, okay?","DAN: Good idea mom. Sorry.","ROYAL: Well, Nathan, what are you averaging these days? You know your dad had 27 and a half a game. You beat that yet?","MAY: Royal, we just said...","ROYAL: I'm asking the boy a question, May.","NATHAN: Uh well maybe you should ask the old man.","DAN: 24 points a game I think, isn't it?","ROYAL: So, 24 a game huh? You're gonna have to get that up if you're going to beat the old man. Yeah your dads star would have risen through the roof at Carolina if it wasn't for that damn knee of his. How're your knees?","NATHAN: No worries","HALEY: Oh he's got great knees.","(everyone laughs)","ROYAL: uh huh. Of course Danny takes after his old man. Never let adversity stop him. Too bad Keith takes after his mothers side of the family.","MAY: Lucky for him","KEITH: I'd drink to that, but I have to get a refill.","MAY: Well I should see about the cake.","HALEY: I'll go do that, Mrs. Scott. (to Nathan) Want to come help?","NATHAN: Yeah, the cake, right.","(Haley and Nathan go into the Kitchen)","NATHAN: I warned you, it was going to be intense.","HALEY: Oh, insane is more like it.","NATHAN: You know there's a door right there. We could sneak out, nobody would even notice.","HALEY: Tempting. Um, so how often do your grandparents come into town?","NATHAN: Couple times a year. Why? (Haley just nods) Haley, you've got that look.","HALEY: What look?","NATHAN: The look you get when you want to tell me something but you don't really want to tell me.","HALEY: No I don't, and you shouldn't know that look yet.","NATHAN: What is it?","HALEY: Your grandfather came by the caf\u00e9 today. And he asked for Karen.","NATHAN: He did?","HALEY: Yeah. I just kind of got the feeling like they've been keeping in touch.","NATHAN: Does Lucas know?","HALEY: No, they've never even met. But your grandfather asked about him.","NATHAN: That doesn't make any sense. My grandpa acts like my dad's a second coming, why would he visit Karen?","HALEY: I don't know, I don't want to start anything, I'm just telling you.","NATHAN: You know what? My family's so screwed up, nothing new would make a difference right now. Don't worry about it.","[Lucas and Peyton in the car]","LUCAS: You warm enough?","PEYTON: I'm okay. I should probably get the heater fixed in here huh?","LUCAS: You know I could have Keith take a look at it for you. I mean he's really good at that stuff. You want me to stop and get some coffee?","PEYTON: I'm fine. Thanks. Thanks for doing this for me, Luke.","LUCAS: It's what friends are for right?","PEYTON: Yeah","(They get to a draw bridge that is up with police and reflection barriers on it)","PEYTON: Now what?","(They stop and get out)","LUCAS: (to a worker) What's going on?","WORKER: Bridge is up cause of the storm. It'll be open in the morning.","PEYTON: Alright we have an emergency, we have to get across the bridge.","WORKER: I'm sorry Miss but it's not safe.","LUCAS: Okay, um, is there another way through?","WORKER: Only the ferries, but the channel's too rough so they're not running.","PEYTON: Well what are we supposed to do?","WORKER: Hopefully they'll be able to open the bridge in the morning. 6 a.m. There's a motel right down the road. Might want to grab yourselves a room before they're all gone.","[Nathan's house]","(Dan's blowing out candles)","ROYAL: There you go! (every applauds when he finishes) So, Nate. How's your game this year?","MAY: Here we go again.","ROYAL: Just cover your ears, May, I just want to know how my grandson's doing on the team.","DAN: Well I already told you, dad.","ROYAL: No you didn't, you didn't tell me jack. And every time I mention it you change the damn subject. Now will somebody around here tell me what's going on? Nathan? Whitey? Anybody?","WHITEY: Nathan I think you better take this one.","NATHAN: I quit the team, alright?","ROYAL: You quit the...what do you mean you quit the team?","DAN: He didn't quit the team dad, he's just taking some time off.","DEB: No, he's not. Please stop lying, Dan.","ROYAL: Were you ever going to tell me this? I mean that's a hell of a thing to keep to yourself.","NATHAN: Yeah you're one to talk.","ROYAL: What's that supposed to mean?","NATHAN: I know you visit Karen at the caf\u00e9, alright? What's that about?","HALEY: Nathan!","ROYAL: That's none of your damn business. (looking at Haley) I guess somebody's got a big mouth.","NATHAN: You shut up, Grandpa","ROYAL: Don't you talk to me like that.","DEB: Back off, Royal. I've had enough of your crap. Nathan is not the problem.","MAY: Would someone please explain?","DEB: Dan has been riding Nathan for the past 6 years about that damn game.","DAN: Deb stop.","DEB: Riding him so hard, that Nathan took drugs so that he could measure up.","ROYAL: Drugs?","DEB: Until he had to be rushed to the hospital. He could have died because of this insane pressure to put a ball through a hoop. But none of that is my sons fault, Royal. It's your sons.","MAY: Danny. You of all people. How dare you! You know how much you hated it when your daddy bullied you to be better.","ROYAL: I never bullied him.","MAY: And when you wanted a way out, I gave you one. All these years. I protected you. I lied for you. And now you're doing the same thing to your son?","ROYAL: What lie? What are you talking about?","MAY: In college. His knee injury. It wasn't permanent. Danny quit. And I helped him.","(everyone in shock)","ROYAL: What do you mean he quit?","DAN: It's not like that, dad.","MAY: Oh stop it, Dan. It's time the truth came out.","ROYAL: Will somebody tell me what in knee hell is going on here?","MAY: You were on the road when Danny hurt his knee. So we lied.","ROYAL: You told me it was degenerative knee condition...","DAN: It was Dad, it was..","ROYAL: You looked me in the eye and told me that.","MAY: Don't you see Royal? He was never going to be the star that you wanted him to be. You just couldn't see that. The boy had two choices. To fail in front of you or to quit. Either way he lost.","ROYAL: So you just quit. Without even being man enough to own up to it.","DAN: There's more to the story, dad. (Royal gets up from the table angry) You don't know the whole story!","ROYAL: I've had enough","NATHAN: Me too. Come on, Haley. I'll take you home","HALEY: Thanks for dinner.","WHITEY: Well I can show myself out. Thank you, May, Deb. Happy Birthday, Danny. (Leaves)","MAY: Danny, don't you...","DAN: Why? (leaves the table)","MAY: Well, I guess I'll do the dishes.","[Motel room]","(Peyton and Lucas come in out of the rain)","PEYTON: Alright lets just try to get some sleep, then we'll be at the bridge as soon as it opens up. What did he say? 6 a.m.?","LUCAS: We'll be there at 5. (Peyton does a small laugh) What?","PEYTON: We're in a hurry to find out if my dad's dead. It's just kind of surreal.","LUCAS: Yeah, it's pretty messed up.","PEYTON: You know how in dreams, you're always trying to get to some place you need to be but you never really get there?","LUCAS: yeah","PEYTON: I wish I could wake up.","LUCAS: Maybe we should try to get some sleep. You think you can? (Peyton nods) Okay. (notices only one bed) I'll just sleep on the floor, alright?","PEYTON: Don't be stupid","(Lucas turns off the light and they lie down)","LUCAS: Look, Peyton. I just wish there was something I could do, or say to help you through this.","PEYTON: You already have. Thanks Lucas.","LUCAS: Goodnight.","(They both just stare at the ceiling)","[Outside Haley's house]","NATHAN: Sorry you had to see that","HALEY: Oh it's okay. It helped me understand you.","NATHAN: You know, growing up, there were just certain things that were just carved into stone. And the main one was that Dan Scott would have been a pro if he didn't blow out his knee. So, all this time, he just has been feeding me this line of crap about how great he would have been. And how I'd never be as good as him. @#%$.","HALEY: At least you know the truth though, right?","NATHAN: I just don't know what to do with it.","HALEY: Okay, goodnight. (hugs him)","NATHAN: Goodnight.","HALEY: I'm here if you need me, okay? (kisses his cheek and starts to go inside)","NATHAN: Hey, remember how I said \"My family's so screwed up, nothing new would make a difference\"?","HALEY: Yeah","NATHAN: I was wrong (smiles at her then walks to his car)","[Nathan's house]","(Nathan knocks and goes into his dad's office)","DAN: You want to hear my side of it?","NATHAN: Why should I believe it? This whole time you've been riding me you've known exactly the way I feel. Now that that's in my head it just makes it that much worse.","DAN: I was a great player, Nathan. In high school. But when I got to Carolina, I knew it wasn't going to be the same. My dad couldn't see it though. It was hard on your grandmother too. So when I got hurt. She came to me and pleaded with me to walk away. She said it would be better for all of us. So I did. Worst decision of my life. It felt good to get out from underneath my father. And after a while I realized I wasn't playing for him at all. The game meant the world to me. I just never took the time to stand back and realize that. So I tried to get back into it. Rehab, running, weights. But it was too late. My knee never responded. It was over for me.","NATHAN: So you think that somehow gives you the right to hammer me all the time.","DAN: I know I push you. I know I'm hard on you. But I'm trying to save you from a life of regret. And Trust me, you don't want it.","NATHAN: So then you make me feel like crap all the time. That really helps, dad.","DAN: I could have been stronger. But I push you so you will be. So things will end up better for you than they did for me.","NATHAN: Then you're safe, dad. There's no way I'm ever going to end up like you. (he leaves the room)","[Motel Room]","(Peyton's playing with a bracelet)","LUCAS: Hey.","PEYTON: Hey","LUCAS: What you got?","PEYTON: (Reading the engraving) 'To my heart, love Dad' He gave it to me on my last birthday. What if it's him Lucas?","LUCAS: It's not gonna be","PEYTON: Cause I don't know what I'd do.","LUCAS: It's going to be okay","PEYTON: I just keep trying to picture walking into that room and seeing him lying there. But I hit a wall. Why does it seem like every time things are finally going to be okay, something terrible happens?","LUCAS: You don't know that it has. Keep him close to your heart, Peyton. Get some sleep, okay?","(Peyton turns to face the other way. Lucas keeps looking at her)","[Deb and Dan in the living room]","(Dan walks in with pillows and blankets)","DAN: You can sleep in the bedroom, I'll stay out here tonight.","DEB: Has it ever once bothered your conscience that our entire relationship is based on your lie? When you were forced to walk away because of your so-called injury, I dropped out too.","DAN: We both dropped out to raise Nathan. Don't rewrite history.","DEB: Oh so you're the only one who can play that game? I thought I knew the man I was choosing to spend my life with.","DAN: The injury was real, Deb. And yes, I decided not to rehab it, at first. By the time I changed my mind it was too late. I did it in service to you and Nathan. Now I know how you'd hold it against me for not telling you, but did you ever think that maybe I did it... to protect you from it all?","DEB: If that's what you need to believe.","DAN: It's the truth.","DEB: The truth. In this house? (leaves the room)","[Motel room]","(Lucas walks in with food)","PEYTON: What's all this?","LUCAS: Oh, sorry I didn't mean to wake you.","PEYTON: I wasn't asleep","LUCAS: I hit the vending machines. Hungry? (throws her a soda) You should probably eat something.","PEYTON: After my mom died, my dad couldn't cook. So, we lived on frozen pizzas for the longest time. I could live on pizza. He'd buy these cheese pizzas, and then put his own toppings on. Pickles, bologna, pineapple, whatever.","LUCAS: That's nasty.","PEYTON: No actually they were really good. I think he did it mostly just to make me laugh. You know it would help me forget for a little bit.","(Alarm clock goes off; 4:45)","LUCAS: You ready?","PEYTON: No. Let's go.","(they both leave.. don't take any of the food)","[Scott Kitchen-morning]","DEB: Morning","MAY: Morning. Scrambled or fried? What do you think?","DEB: I think nobody's going to be that hungry.","MAY: I'm glad you stood up to Royal the way you did, Deb. I didn't mean to hurt Dan but, this lying over the years has gotten so tiresome I did what I thought I had to do to save my son.","DEB: That's what we do. I'm glad you spoke up.","(Dan walks in)","MAY: Dan. Son, you know, someday you're going to realize I did you a favor. Your daddy's going to get over this eventually. But if you let history repeat itself, your son may not.","DAN: I'm going for a run.","MAY: Oh well. I think I'll scramble the eggs.","DEB: Yeah","[Scott House]","(Nathan coming downstairs passed Royal)","ROYAL: Listen, Nathan, whatever you're going through, I'm sorry about your dad.","NATHAN: I understand why he did it, grandpa. He must have really loved you, you know that? Cause anything seemed better than disappointing you.","[Coroner's Office]","(Peyton, Lucas and a doctor stand next to the body under a sheet; Peyton nods for him to lift off the sheet)","PEYTON: (looking away) It's not him. (turns into Lucas' chest)","[Outside Coroner's Office]","LUCAS: you did good.","PEYTON: I felt like my chest was going to explode.","(Lucas calls Brooke)","BROOKE: Peyton's place","LUCAS: Hey its me","BROOKE: Hey I was just dialing you, that's freaky.","LUCAS: Well it's good news.","BROOKE: Yeah I know I just got off the phone with the coast guard, they made contact with his boat, he's fine.","LUCAS: (to Peyton) They found your dad, he's okay. (Peyton hugs him) (to Brooke) Alright we're headed home.","BROOKE: Okay I'm waiting. Love you","LUCAS: Alright you too. Bye.","PEYTON: Oh my God, that's...wait.","LUCAS: What?","PEYTON: (Feeling her wrist) My bracelet, I must have left it in the motel.","LUCAS: Alright lets go.","[Haley's room]","(She's at the computer, Nathan walks in)","NATHAN: Hey","HALEY: Hey","NATHAN: Grandma's making breakfast. Show starts at 9. You in?","HALEY: Um, as fun as last night was, I think I'm going to pass. You know, I've been thinking. Now that you know the truth about your dad, you're free, right? I mean, he's been lying to you all this time. You don't have to listen to him anymore. There's no more pressure.","NATHAN: Yeah I wish that were true.","HALEY: What do you mean?","NATHAN: My dad walked away, and his father will never forgive him for that. I have to go back.","HALEY: Nathan, I...","NATHAN: I have to beat him. Haley, it's the only way I'm ever going to be free of my dad. (leaves the room)","[Motel]","PEYTON: It has to be in here. (Pulls down the bed and finds it)","LUCAS: Got it? (Peyton starts crying) Hey, it's okay. Everything's okay now, okay?","(They hug then look at each other. Peyton kisses him and he quickly kisses back. Lucas takes off her jacket, then his. Peyton sits on the bed and Lucas takes off her top shirt. He lays her down and kisses her stomach then takes off his shirt. He starts kissing her neck but her hair gets caught in his necklace)","PEYTON: Ow. Ow. My hair.","LUCAS: Sorry.","(Peyton unclasps his necklace)","PEYTON: There. (starts to untangle her hair)","LUCAS: Brooke","PEYTON: What?","LUCAS: Brooke gave me that necklace. You know we, um...we probably should get going.","PEYTON: Yeah","LUCAS: Okay","[Scott's house-breakfast on the patio]","(Keith, Dan, Deb, May, Royal, and Nathan)","ROYAL: (breaking the silence) How's business, Keith?","KEITH: It's pretty steady.","ROYAL: Good. I know I rib you a lot son, but I hope you know I think you're a good man.","KEITH: That's great, dad. The first nice thing you say to me and its really just to dig at Dan.","ROYAL: Now son...","MAY: Please, could we just eat our breakfast? Dan, you forgot to open your presents. (puts a wrapped box in front of him) This is from your dad and me.","DAN: Oh, okay. What's this? (Pulls out a quilt with all his basketball things sewn into it)","MAY: It's a quilt. A lady in Orlando made it. We still had all your old basketball stuff and I just couldn't bring myself to throw them out. You see son, you still have a lot to be proud of.","[Deb and Dan in the Kitchen]","DAN: It's almost over, Deb.","DEB: Thank God for that.","DAN: Look, after all that has happened I want to thank you for not throwing gas on the fire. You okay?","DEB: No, no, Dan I'm not. And we're not. All this pretending and lying, I can't really hold it against you","DAN: Deb...","DEB: Because I realized all these years, I've been doing it too.","[Peyton and Lucas driving]","LUCAS: Peyton I...","PEYTON: Don't. It was stupid. Okay? You're with Brooke now.","LUCAS: Yeah.","PEYTON: We just got carried away. It didn't mean anything.","LUCAS: It didn't?","PEYTON: Of course it did.","(They look at each other then look out)","[Scott house]","(May and Royal are saying Goodbye; May hugging Deb; Royal getting in without talking to Dan; They drive off; Deb takes Dan's hand off her shoulder and walks away.)","KEITH: See you later (he leaves)","(Dan walks away, then Nathan)","[Inside school]","(Haley sees Nathan in his practice jersey and they just look at each other with blank looks, then he walks away)","[Peyton's house]","(Brooke runs outside as Peyton and Lucas pull up)","BROOKE: (Hugging Peyton) It's okay. (Hugs Lucas) Hey you.","(Lucas and Peyton make eye contact for a second and he follows the girls inside)"],"Show Title":"One Tree Hill","Episode Number":"01x12","Episode Title":"Crash Course in Polite Conversations","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"One_Tree_Hill_02x18.json","Recap":["On his way home from seeing Haley, Nathan stops to visit Taylor hoping for some fun and maybe more. Meanwhile, Anna gets a surprise visit from her ex-girlfriend and is inspired to tell her parents about her sexuality. Lucas works with Andy to bring Dan down, Karen puts her foot down with Brooke. Peyton and Jake continue to hide Jenny from Nicki. This episode is named after a song by Frank Sinatra ."],"Transcript":["LUCAS: (v.o) Previously on One Tree Hill.","[INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR - EVENING]","(The front door opens to Taylor.)","NATHAN: (Squinting) Do I know you?","TAYLOR: (Standing in the rain, completely soaked.) Well you should, I'm your sister-in-law.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY]","(Nathan is standing with his arms crossed, glaring at Taylor.)","NATHAN: We agreed to keep what happened between us a secret.","TAYLOR: (Brushing him off.) Relax, Nathan, Haley doesn't have a clue.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE - EVENING]","(Jake and Peyton are standing near her car, playing with Jenny.)","NIKKI: (v.o) Jenny's mine now. (Shot of her smirking face.) Hand her over.","JAKE: Forget it(!)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TAGARRO RESIDENCE - ANNA'S BEDROOM - EVENING]","(Anna is confessing to Felix.)","ANNA: The rumours, they weren't rumours.","(Close-up of Felix squinting.)","ANNA: I'm gay(!)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - EVENING]","(Brooke looks around at her belongings in Lucas' bedroom with astonishment.)","BROOKE: This is all my stuff, I don't understand.","LUCAS: I,... had my mom talk to your parents and they said that you could stay here till the summer.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - EVENING]","(It's a little later and Brooke is getting settled in.)","BROOKE: Thank you, Karen. You know you saved my life, right?","KAREN: I'm not gonna make it easy on you and sometimes you're not gonna like me for it.","(Brooke pulls Karen into a hug.)","KAREN: (Shocked) Oh(!)","BROOKE: (Pleased) It's just like having a real mom.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING]","(Dan is messing around with something in the ceiling. Cut to Lucas, watching him secretly.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY]","(Nathan takes his wedding ring off and looks at it.)","FADE TO BLACK:","END OF PREVIOUSLY ON: OPENING CREDITS ROLL:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE ROAD - NATHAN'S CAR - DAY]","(Nathan's still driving. His car passes the camera.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY]","(Nathan's phone rings and he flips it open, looking at the screen. He's slightly confused as he speaks.)","NATHAN: Hello?","TAYLOR: (Through the phone.) Think fast, what's in a gin and tonic?","NATHAN: (Frowning) Taylor?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. GEROGIA - THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - DAY]","(Taylor is sitting at a bar, now a brunette.)","TAYLOR: Can you believe two guys already fell for that one, today? Drunks are so easy(!)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY]","NATHAN: Let me guess; you're in a bar.","TAYLOR: (Through the phone.) Oh, not just any bar.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. GEORGIA - THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - DAY]","TAYLOR: I will have you know, I am in Athens, Georgia at The famous Swinging Donkey.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY]","NATHAN: What happened to Florida?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE ROAD - NATHAN'S CAR - DAY]","(Nathan drives past.)","TAYLOR: (Through the phone.) Oh, Florida's still there, I'm just not in it.","(He drives past a sign saying: 'SLICKLIZZARD: POP. 112'.)","TAYLOR: So, how bout you?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY]","(Nathan glances at the sign.)","NATHAN: Well, I think I just passed a place called Slicklizzard, Alabama.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. GEROGIA - THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - DAY]","TAYLOR: Which means you went chasing after my sister. (Nods) Tell me she's sitting next to you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY]","(Nathan pauses for a beat.)","NATHAN: No, I'm afraid not.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. GEORGIA - THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - DAY]","(Taylor is honestly saddened by the news.)","TAYLOR: I'm sorry, Nathan.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY]","(He looks at his wedding ring and shrugs stiffly.)","NATHAN: Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. GEORGIA - THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - DAY]","(Music starts up and so does Taylor. She looks around and then back again.)","TAYLOR: Listen, I gotta run.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY]","NATHAN: What's going on?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. GEROGIA - THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - DAY]","TAYLOR: Don't ask. (Smiles) I'll see you when I see you.","(She hangs up the phone, jumps up and turns around.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NATHAN'S CAR - THE ROAD - DAY]","(Nathan hangs up too and shuts his phone. He thinks before smiling slightly.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - SIDE OF THE BUILDING - DAY]","(Lucas, Peyton and Jake - who's carrying Jenny - walk around the side of Nathan's apartment building. Lucas has keys.)","JAKE: You sure about this, Luke?","LUCAS: (Looks back at Jake for a beat.) Yeah, trust me. I talked to Nathan before her left. He said it was OK. (Opens the door.)","PEYTON: How's he doing anyway?","(All three of them enter. Lucas looks at the mess and sighs.)","PEYTON: Not so good, I guess.","LUCAS: Yeah, well, I mean, I offered to clean this but it's a good place to hide out for the next couple of days.","(Jake sets Jenny's carrier down on a table.)","LUCAS: So, get settled(!) I gotta run over to the dealership before school. What time are you meeting with your lawyer today?","JAKE: Oh, a couple of hours. (Lucas nods.) I'm sorry I had to drag you into this mess, I just, I couldn't involve my parents, you know?","LUCAS: I told you; if you need me, call me. (Jake nods.) Alright? (Gives Peyton the keys.) See ya.","(Lucas leaves and Peyton closes the door behind him with a sigh.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS (STOCK) - SIGN - DAY]","(Shot of the sign and the building.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - DAY]","(Lucas enters Dan's office, holding a folder. He slows down and looks up at the ceiling tile that Dan had his head stuck up the night before.)","(Dan enters.)","DAN: Hey, Lucas. What's up?","LUCAS: (Turning quickly.) Oh,... (Looks down at the folder.) nothing. I'm just... dropping some papers off for you to sign. (Puts them on the desk.)","DAN: (Smiling) Everything OK?","LUCAS: Yeah, I guess I just didn't get much sleep last night.","DAN: Yeah, I noticed you're up early. (Puts a folder on his desk.) Been working yourself pretty hard lately.","(Looks at him pointedly.)","LUCAS: (Evasively) I'll be fine. (Nods)","DAN: ...I'll tell you what; take the day off tomorrow. Bet you haven't been to the Rivercourt in a few days. Don't wanna lose your stroke.","LUCAS: (Shrugs) It has been a while.","DAN: (Nods once) Done(!) I'm heading off to a meeting. I'll see ya later.","(Dan walks away. Lucas watches him and walks to the doorway to make sure he's really going. When he's gone, Lucas shuts Dan's office door, drops the blinds over it and twists the ones at the window closed.)","(He walks to Dan's desk and climbs it. Discreetly, he lifts the ceiling tile and looks around. He sees a gym bag and opens it. Inside is a lot of money and a notebook.)","(Lucas flips through it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. KAREN'S CAF\u00c9 (STOCK) - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KAREN'S CAF\u00c9 - COUNTER - DAY]","(Lucas is sitting at the counter with Andy.)","ANDY: Cash?","LUCAS: (Nods) ...Yeah. (Looks back to make sure that nobody's eavesdropping.)","ANDY: How much?","LUCAS: Too much to count while my head was in the ceiling.","ANDY: Did you find anything else?","LUCAS: There was a notebook in one of the bags. I didn't get a good look at it but it... looked like a ledger.","ANDY: (Nodding) Makes sense. Gotta keep track of all the money.","LUCAS: Yeah, but I'm just wondering; I mean, why keep it all in the ceiling. Why not keep it in a bank where it's safe?","ANDY: Well, there's two reasons to hide money, Lucas. (Lucas nods.) Either you don't want Uncle Sam to know you have it, or you don't want him to know how you got it.","(Lucas nods and thinks.)","LUCAS: I gotta get that ledger.","ANDY: (Quickly) No, you don't(!)","LUCAS: Andy(!)","(Andy looks away for a beat.)","ANDY: We gotta get that ledger.","(Lucas nods, smiling.)","(A doorbell rings off-screen.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TAGARRO RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - DAY]","(Anna answers the door to a girl.)","ANNA: (Shocked) Darby(!)","DARBY: (Smiling) Hi, Anna.","ANNA: (Trying to look pleased.) What're you doing here?","DARBY: I got your e-mail. (Anna breaks eye contact.) Can I come in?","(Anna looks behind but doesn't let Darby enter.)","DARBY: (Still smiling) Or we could just... stand out here until someone sees us, starts some rumours and then you can move again.","ANNA: Darby.","DARBY: (Sincerely) I'm sorry. That wasn't funny. (Sadly) Maybe this was a bad idea. (Makes to leave.)","ANNA: (Grabbing hold of her arm.) No(!) (Pause as they look at each other.) (Nodding) It's good to see you. Come on in.","(Darby smiles and enters.)","(Anna closes the door, her face set.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. LAWYER'S OFFICE - DAY]","JAKE: (v.o) OK, look just... tell me what-","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LAWER'S OFFICE - DAY]","(Jake and Peyton are sitting at the table with a lawyer.)","JAKE: -is going on because there's no way that a judge would give Nikki custody of Jenny(!)","LAWYER: (Sits back as Jake stands up.) Judge has already ruled. Jake, a warrant's been issued for your arrest(!) (Jake struggles with the facts.) Right now, the police are our there and they're looking for you and your daughter. Trust me,... trust me when I tell you this is your only option.","(Jake looks at him and the lawyer sits back again.)","JAKE: Can you just... tell me the truth here? (The lawyer nods.) If I give up my daughter today, how long until I get her back? How long until Jenny's safe?","(Peyton looks at the lawyer expectantly.)","LAWYER: (Sighs) ...Two months. Maybe three.","(Jake moves away, scoffing and shaking his head.)","JAKE: And if I don't give her up?","LAWYER: You go to jail, and you stay there until you do.","(Jake nods and looks away. He doesn't know what to do.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - DAY]","(Nathan walks up to the building.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - BAR - DAY]","(Nathan walks up to the bar and smiles. Taylor is standing there with her back to him.)","NATHAN: How bout a gin and tonic?","(Taylor turns around and smiles.)","TAYLOR: How bout I see some ID?","(Nathan holds up his fake ID and puts it on the bar. Taylor laughs.)","TAYLOR: So, what brings you to town, sailor?","NATHAN: (Sighs) I just wanted to check out The Swinging Donkey; see if it's really as... classy as everybody says it is.","TAYLOR: Hmm, what d'ya think?","NATHAN: Not so much.","(Taylor smiles.)","NATHAN: But, it does have one thing I'm kinda craving.","TAYLOR: (Gasps) I know, gin and tonic. (Takes a glass.)","NATHAN: (Smirking) Yeah, that too.","(Taylor smiles at him, which he returns.)","TAYLOR: I guess my phone call worked. (Pours him a glass.) You staying the night?","NATHAN: I don't know. Haven't thought that far ahead.","TAYLOR: Well, I'm house-sitting the apartment upstairs. You're welcome to stay with me if you like. (Sets the glass in front of him.)","(Nathan looks at her.)","TAYLOR: What d'ya say? (Smiles at him.)","NATHAN: Sounds like a plan.","(Taylor smiles and puts a straw into his glass.)","FADE TO BLACK:","COMMERCIAL SET:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - DAY]","(Nikki is standing at Peyton's door and knocking. Peyton opens it. Nikki looks in, not so discreetly, to see if Jake's there.)","PEYTON: Now why is it the garbage men always forget to pick up the white trash?","NIKKI: I need to talk to Jake.","PEYTON: (Amused) Right(!)","NIKKI: No police, no lawyers, just me and Jake. The Rivercourt, six o'clock.","(Peyton closes the door behind her and steps out onto the porch. She crosses her arms.)","NIKKI: By the way,... the police are watching you right now. (Peyton raises her eyebrows.) And you should know, as long as you help Jake hide Jenny, you're an accessory. That means when you're caught with my daughter, you're gonna get arrested. But don't worry; you can always go to college after prison. (Smiles and walks away.)","(Peyton watches her leave, slightly worried.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. STREETS - DAY]","(Anna and Darby are walking through town.)","ANNA: So, I guess you told everybody back at school. (Darby looks at her.) About us.","DARBY: No. Just me.","ANNA: How did people take it?","DARBY: (Nods) It was pretty divided; still is I guess. (Looks at Anna pointedly.) Some people don't wanna be seen with me. That part sucks. But I guess you find out who your real friends are.","(Anna looks away.)","DARBY: Look, um,... you know, the truth is, Anna, there were some pretty dark days after you left... and it hasn't gotten much easier. But do I regret being with you? Coming out? No. (Smiles and shakes her head.) Not for a minute.","(They smile at each other. Darby looks ahead and laughs.)","DARBY: And you know what makes it always better? (Points) Vanilla lattes, extra foam.","ANNA: (Points back.) A-you know, we should probably... head back.","(Lucas comes around the corner and spots them.)","LUCAS: Hey, Anna.","ANNA: (Smiles tightly.) Hey, Lucas. Ha-oh, um,... (Points to Darby who isn't smiling.) um, this is... Darby. She's, um... Actually, Lucas, Darby's the girl I told you about.","(Darby smiles.)","ANNA: From my old school.","LUCAS: Oh my God! I've heard so much about you.","DARBY: Really?","LUCAS: Yeah, you're different than I imagined, but...","DARBY: Oh, thought I'd be more butch?","LUCAS: OK, I didn't mean...","DARBY: (Laughs) Just kidding.","(Darby looks at Anna.)","ANNA: Well, I was just giving Darby the Tree Hill grand tour, do you wanna tag along?","LUCAS: I'd love to, but I gotta go meet someone so... call me tomorrow, OK?","(Anna nods and smiles.)","LUCAS: (Looking at Darby.) Pleasure to meet you, Darby.","(Darby nods and Lucas leaves.)","DARBY: So that's the famous Lucas, huh?","ANNA: Mmm.","DARBY: He's cute. (Takes her arm and they walk.) So who's the better kisser? (Anna laughs.) Me or him?","ANNA: Stop(!)","(They laugh and walk.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. ROE RESIDENCE (STOCK) - DAY]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - DAY]","(Brooke is lying on her bed, flicking through a magazine. Bevin steps into the doorway. Brooke lowers the magazine as she looks up and smiles.)","BROOKE: (Sits up, happily.) Bevin! Hi!","BEVIN: I have always imagined this room, (Walks in and looks around.) just darker and with Lucas on the bed.","(Brooke laughs.)","BEVIN: Anyway, get dressed.","BROOKE: What for?","BEVIN: It's a surprise.","BROOKE: I can't, I have to work. I promised Karen I'd help her out at the caf\u00e9.","BEVIN: Well, the cheer squad's throwing a party tonight and... (Bevin sits next to Brooke on the bed.) you kinda need to be there. The squad has some serious concerns, Brooke. Ever since you started this whole... presidency thing, you've been... drifting.","BROOKE: (Looks away and sighs.) I am still your captain, OK? I promise.","BEVIN: Then prove it. Please(!) We miss you.","(Brooke struggles to say no.)","BROOKE: Well, Karen did say she only needed me for a few hours so I guess I could do both. (Brooke looks at Bevin questioningly.)","(Bevin smiles.)","BROOKE: What do I wear to a cheer intervention anyway?","(Bevin squeals happily and they get off the bed to find something to wear.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. MOTEL - NIKKI'S ROOM - DAY]","(Jake knocks on Nikki's door. She answers it.)","NIKKI: (Shocked) Jake(!) How did you find me here?","JAKE: Oh, I guess I'm just better at this than you are. You wanted to talk, let's talk.","NIKKI: I told you to meet me at six o'clock, it's only five.","JAKE: Like I'm gonna fall for that(!)","NIKKI: Jake, look, you've gotta stop this; the hiding, all of it. (Pause) I have a right to my daughter(!)","JAKE: (Shakes his head and shrugs.) You're not getting her.","NIKKI: Fine, well, I guess it's time that I tell you something that, at the moment, is... kinda relevant.","JAKE: (Straightens and crosses his arms.) OK, this should be good. (Waits)","NIKKI: She's not your daughter.","(Jake frowns.)","NIKKI: Think about it,... we always used protection.","(Jake stares at her for a while before scoffing.)","JAKE: Nice try. (Shakes his head.) I guess it was just a matter of time before you thought of that one, huh?","NIKKI: (Seriously) It's the truth.","JAKE: No(!) This is the only truth, no matter what, Jenny is, and she will always be, my daughter. (He levels a glare at her.) I'm done here.","(Jake walks away and Nikki watches him.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - SIGN - EVENING]","(Close-up of the neon sign of the bar. The camera slowly pans to the entrance.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - BAR - EVENING]","(Taylor is pouring Nathan some alcohol.)","TAYLOR: OK, get into the game, little girl(!) (Sets the bottle down.) I always knew you were a lightweight but this is getting embarrassing!","NATHAN: (Mock offended.) I'm just warming up!","TAYLOR: You've been warming up for the past two hours. Drag out of the bullpen and DO A SHOT!","NATHAN: (Laughing) OK.","(He nods at her and downs the contents of the shot glass. Taylor follows suit.)","NATHAN: Ohh. (Groans)","(Taylor laughs.)","(Music starts up.)","TAYLOR: Whew!","NATHAN: How did you end up here?","TAYLOR: What, at this dream job? I don't know, it's kinda what I do best.","NATHAN: Bartending?","TAYLOR: Find random places to party. Next week, it'll be someplace else. Lucky me(!) (Laughs)","(Nathan smiles.)","TAYLOR: You're not wearing your wedding ring.","NATHAN: (Looks at his finger.) Neither is Haley.","TAYLOR: Nathan, you should know that before I called you,-","RANDOM GIRL: (o.s) Taylor, come on, we need you now!","(Nathan and Taylor both turn to face the disembodied voice.)","TAYLOR: We'll talk about this later, I gotta get to work(!)","NATHAN: I thought you said your shift was over(!)","TAYLOR: Somebody's gotta pay for these drinks(!) (Puts a cowboy hat on.) Something tells me you're gonna enjoy this.","(Music starts up and Taylor climbs onto the bar, along with other girls. They start dancing in much the same way as 'Coyote Ugly'.)","(The crowd cheers as they watch the bartenders. Nathan is enjoying it. Taylor takes a drink and a girls jumps off the bar and walks over to Nathan, putting a cowboy hat on him and dragging him off his stool.)","(Nathan climbs onto the bar and the girls switch their attention onto him. The crowd claps and cheers. He's handed a glass which he drinks from. Nathan barely moves but they continue to dance around and with him.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - EVENING]","(Brooke enters her bedroom quietly. Karen is already standing in the other doorway and flips the light on. Brooke turns to her and Karen stands there, her arms crossed.)","BROOKE: (Smiling, slightly pissed.) Karen. Hi(!)","KAREN: Did you have fun tonight?","BROOKE: (Walks forward.) Not really(!) The party was kind of weak but I had to be there. Apparently I've been drifting.","(Karen makes a motherly face.)","KAREN: You been drinking?","BROOKE: No, drifting. (Takes her coat off.)","(Karen clears her throat and walks further into the room.)","KAREN: No, Brooke, I'm asking you if you've been drinking tonight.","BROOKE: (Slurring) ...Just a little.","KAREN: I expected you at the caf\u00e9.","BROOKE: I know, I lost track of time. I'm sorry.","KAREN: (Shaking her head.) Well, sorry isn't good enough(!) I advanced your salary and... I'd like you to return the money I gave you.","BROOKE: (Long pause.) I... kind of spent it.","(Karen sighs.)","KAREN: Got to bed. You're grounded.","BROOKE: Grounded?(!) (Laughs) I've never been grounded in my whole life(!)","KAREN: Well there's a first time for everything.","BROOKE: (Scowls) Well, you're not my mom.","KAREN: No. (Shakes her head.) But right now, you're my responsibility.","(Karen smiles and leaves.)","BROOKE: (Quietly to herself.) But I was drifting. (Falls onto the bed, feeling a head-rush coming on.)","(She smiles contentedly as she falls asleep.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - ENTRANCE - EVENING]","(Shot of the security system. Lucas types in the code and presses enter. Andy is with him, keeping a watch out. Lucas takes out the keys and moves to the door.)","ANDY: OK, are there any security cameras?","LUCAS: Uh, no, just the alarm.","(Andy nods and Lucas gets the door open. Andy follows Lucas inside. Everything is very dark and barely distinguishable.)","ANDY: OK, remember what I said; in and out, we do this fast.","LUCAS: (Whispering.) Yeah.","(Lucas shines his torch on a wall as they round the corner. It falls on Dan and Lucas and Andy jump. It's just the cardboard cut-out of his grinning self.)","(Lucas glares and lowers the torch, grumbling as he goes along. They enter the office.)","ANDY: OK, just grab the ledger. I'll stay here and keep an eye out. (Waits by the door.)","(Lucas lifts the ceiling tile and looks around. The place is empty.)","ANDY: What've you got?","LUCAS: It's gone(!)","(The camera zooms in on Andy's face.)","ANDY: What, the ledger?","LUCAS: All of it(!)","(Andy realises what that means. Lucas continues to search to no avail.)","FADE TO BLACK:","[SCENE_BREAK]","COMMERCIAL SET:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. ANDY'S CAR - STREETS - EVENING]","(Andy and Lucas are sitting in the car. Lucas has a hand to his head, distressed that he lost it after being so close.)","LUCAS: I don't understand. (Pause) It was right there a few hours ago.","ANDY: Ah, he knows. (Throws his arm up.) Dan, he knows and he moved it.","LUCAS: (Shakes his head.) So what do we do?","ANDY: Oh, that's it, no, no, game over.","LUCAS: So Dan wins?","ANDY: As much as I would love to keep playing this little game with Dan, it just got serious. (Lucas shakes his head.) If he knows you found that money, there's no telling what he's gonna do.","LUCAS: (Smirks) I'm his son, Andy.","ANDY: And look what he just did to his brother! This guy's got no conscience, Lucas. (Sighs) I think it's time you move back in with your mother.","LUCAS: I can't! (Looks at him.) Come on, Andy. We're so close(!)","ANDY: (Sighs deeply.) You have to find out if I'm right, OK? If there's any chance that he's on to you, you have to get out.","LUCAS: I will. I promise.","ANDY: And one more thing; if your mother asks me anything about this, I'm not gonna lie to her. Understood?","(The camera pans to Lucas as he nods. They both sigh.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. ROE RESIDENCE (STOCK) - DAY]","(Camera pans down from the trees to show the house.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - DAY]","(Brooke is sitting at her vanity, putting on some lipstick.)","KAREN: (o.s) Brooke!?","BROOKE: Yeah?","(Karen enters the room.)","KAREN: (Looks at all of Brooke's beauty things.) What's this?","BROOKE: Just some stuff I ordered from the 'mark.' magalogue. Pretty great, huh?","KAREN: Are you-are you going somewhere?","BROOKE: Just out for a quick run, but you never know who you're gonna see. (Smiles)","KAREN: Aren't you forgetting something?","(Brooke looks down and spots it.)","BROOKE: Lip-gloss(!) (Picks it up.)","KAREN: Brooke, you're grounded(!) That means you don't get to head out for quick runs.","BROOKE: Since when does grounding apply to fitness?","KAREN: Since now.","BROOKE: That's a little harsh, if you ask me.","KAREN: I'm not asking.","BROOKE: (Shrugs) OK, so what am I supposed to do here?","KAREN: Lucas does chores.","BROOKE: (Disbelieving) Chores?","(Karen holds out a list to Brooke.)","KAREN: Here's a list.","(Brooke takes the list. There are nine to-do's on it. If Brooke follows it all, there'll be nothing left for Karen to do.)","(Karen waits amusedly.)","BROOKE: (Studying the list.) So what, I pick the one I wanna do?","KAREN: Sure,... and after you've finished with it, keep on picking until they're all done. (Turns and walks to the door.)","BROOKE: (Smiling) OK, no offence, I didn't come here to be a cleaning lady, lady.","KAREN: Well, then,... I'll help you pack your bags and we'll call your folks.","BROOKE: So I'm, like, imprisoned here?","KAREN: You can leave the house to go to school and to go to work.","BROOKE: What work? I don't even have a job(!)","KAREN: Oh, but you do have a job. Until you pay me back the money I gave you, you have a job at the caf\u00e9.","(Karen smiles and leaves. Brooke turns to face her mirror, gaping. She pouts and examines the list.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL (EST) - DAY]","(Students walk around the grounds.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - WHITEY'S OFFICE - DAY]","(Shot of the doorway as Lucas appears in it.)","LUCAS: (Sighs) You wanted to see me, coach?","(Cut to Whitey leaning on his desk and Peyton, sitting in a chair opposite him.)","WHITEY: (Indicates Peyton.) Take a seat next to your partner in crime here.","(Lucas looks at Peyton who smiles tightly at him. He walks in slowly and sits down.)","WHITEY: (Stops leaning on the desk and approaches them.) Well now, Bonnie and Clyde, (Peyton laughs nervously.) I guess you're wondering why I called you here.","(Peyton and Lucas look at each other.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR - DAY]","(The door opens and Lucas enters.)","JAKE: (Gets up from the counter.) Hey, Luke, I was just actually-","(He pauses as he sees Whitey enter behind Lucas. He doesn't say anything, just glares lightly.)","LUCAS: He just... wants to talk to you for a minute, Jake.","(Jake gets it. Looking annoyed, he breaks eye contact and nods his head.)","LUCAS: I'll leave you two alone. (Backs out of the apartment and closes the door behind him.)","JAKE: I already know my options, coach.","WHITEY: (Walks forward.) From what I've heard, you've only got one option.","JAKE: I can't give her away(!)","WHITEY: (Laughs) Son, you've got a good chance of getting her back.","JAKE: I can't take chances like that.","WHITEY: (His smile falls.) It beats the alternative, doesn't it?","JAKE: Does it?","(Whitey doesn't reply and Jake turns away. Whitey sits in a stool and takes his cap off while Jake opens the fridge and takes out bottles.)","JAKE: (Turning back.) Coach, you remember last year? (Hands a bottle to him.) Beginning of the season? (Sits down.) We had that away game at Bear Creek?","WHITEY: (Nods) Yeah, I remember.","JAKE: It was right after Jenny was born... and my parents were out of town all week, I couldn't watch her, so... I decided to let Nikki have her, for the night. (Whitey nods.)","JAKE: So I get home from the game and I call Nikki; there's no answer. I go to her house and she's not home. So I,... I looked everywhere, I called her friends. Then finally, after about an hour, I find her car and it's parked across the street from some bar. (Whitey looks down.) Nikki was passed out in the front seat, the keys were still in the ignition and there was frost all over the windows; I couldn't even see her... and then I look in the back seat,... and there she is, my little girl.","(Whitey looks down.)","JAKE: She's shivering. She didn't even have a blanket on her, coach.","WHITEY: Jake, I-","JAKE: One night. (Whitey looks up.) All she had to do was look after Jenny for one night. She couldn't do it. (Pause) And now they want me to give her my daughter for three months... worth of nights?","(Whitey sighs. Jake's made his point and it can't be argued with. Jake keeps an eye on Whitey as he takes a drink from the bottle of water and shakes his head.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. TAGARRO RESIDENCE - ANNA'S BEDROOM - EVENING]","(Anna enters her bedroom with Darby.)","DARBY: So how'd it feel when you came out to Lucas?","ANNA: Terrible(!) Scary. Still feels scary.","(Darby nods.)","ANNA: What about you? When you told your parents.","DARBY: Huh, well, uh, (Sits on Anna's bed.) believe it or not, I practised in the mirror first. And then when I thought I had it all memorised, (Anna sits too.) I went downstairs, took a deep breath, and I told them I loved them very much but I had something I needed to tell them about myself.","ANNA: How did they take it?","DARBY: Honesty? Not as well as I'd hoped. I think they're still trying to process how it affects their lives.","ANNA: What d'ya mean?","DARBY: Well, um, I read this book about coming out, and it said that for some parents, finding out your child is gay is like losing a loved one. All the dreams they might have had just vanish; (Pause) no weddings, grandchildren. (Pause) So I think when I told them, I shattered some of those dreams for them.","(Anna looks down.)","ANNA: Yeah.","DARBY: Even though things are still kinda weird, I don't think I've ever been closer to them. (Smiles) Coz at the end of the day, (Sighs) I know they still love me.","(Anna shakes her head slightly.)","DARBY: I know that... that's what worried me the most. (She's almost crying.) That they wouldn't...","ANNA: Well you're braver than me, Darby.","DARBY: No I'm not. (Pause) Look,... I didn't come here to get you to come out to your parents. I came here to help you understand that when you finally do, you're gonna be OK.","(Darby gets off the bed and smiles.)","DARBY: I'm gonna go. Long drive.","(Anna stands.)","ANNA: I'm glad you came.","DARBY: Yeah, (Nods) me too. (Pause) I miss you.","(Anna looks down but doesn't say it back. They hug and Darby kisses her on the cheek before leaving.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR (EST) - EVENING]","(People are milling around outside the bar.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - GAMES - EVENING]","(Nathan and Taylor are standing in front of an arcade type basketball game. He throws the ball and it goes through the hoop.)","TAYLOR: So this is you're 'A' game, huh?","(She throws a ball and misses.)","NATHAN: You know what my dad always told me? Forget about practice; as long as you come to play, (Taylor shoots again and gets it in this time.) on game day when the stakes are high, odds are you'll come out a winner. Last time was just a practice round.","(They both throw balls.)","TAYLOR: Since when are you taking advice from your dad?","NATHAN: (Smiles) I know, alright. But if there's one thing he knows about, it's winning. (He picks up a ball and throws it again, then watches as it hits the floor.)","TAYLOR: OK, so what are the stakes tonight?","NATHAN: Well, (Tosses the balls between his hands.) if I make this shot, (Taylor nods.) we go upstairs.","TAYLOR: (Studies him.) And do what?","NATHAN: Whatever I want.","TAYLOR: And if you miss?","(Nathan just throws the ball and watches it go through the hoop.)","NATHAN: Let's go.","(Taylor laughs as they leave.)","FADE TO BLACK:","COMMERCIAL SET:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - APARTMENT - EVENING]","(Nathan and Taylor enter the apartment. Nathan takes her hand and pushes her up against the wall. He is extremely close to kissing her before he stops and hits the wall behind her lightly.)","NATHAN: I can't do this.","(Taylor looks at him.)","TAYLOR: Because of Haley?","NATHAN: No. (Pause) Because of me.","TAYLOR: ...Haley called me;... right after you left Austin.","(Nathan stops leaning on the wall and assesses her.)","NATHAN: Were you planning on telling me this before or after we had s*x?","TAYLOR: We weren't gonna have s*x, Nathan. I knew that; I was just waiting for you to figure it out.","NATHAN: (Nods) Oh,... so what, you're like my, uh,... my guardian angel?","TAYLOR: (Shakes her head.) No, it's not that. It's just,... you're lost,... and lonely, and I'm pretty good at making people forget how lonely they really are.","NATHAN: (Smirking) Right,... that's a nice way of describing what you're really good at.","TAYLOR: (Visibly hurt.) Sleep if off, Nathan. You have a long drive tomorrow.","NATHAN: What're you gonna do?","TAYLOR: Apparently, what I do best. (She opens the door and walks out.)","(Nathan closes his eyes and sighs.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING]","(Shot of a piece of paper going through the shredder. It's an invoice on a used vehicle purchase. Lucas is walking down the hall and hears the noise of the shredder. He looks into the room and Dan sees him.)","DAN: (Discreetly stopping the shredding.) Hey, Lucas, come on in. (He stuffs the rest of the papers into a blank folder.)","LUCAS: Uh, hey, um, (Holds a book up and enters.) I was just,... returning a book.","DAN: What you got there? (Holds out his hand.)","(Lucas hands it over.)","DAN: Oh, 'The Hound of the Baskervilles'. Sherlock Holmes. Since when're you a fan of Arthur Conan Doyle?","LUCAS: (Shrugs) Since I can remember.","(Dan puts the folder into a drawer.)","LUCAS: Every kid wants to be Sherlock Holmes at some point. (Has a glint in his eye.)","DAN: Well, not me. (Sits down.) I was always partial to Professor Moriarty.","LUCAS: (Amused) ...You do realise he was the villain.","DAN: That's one interpretation. (Smirks)","(Lucas nods.)","LUCAS: Well, um,... thanks for letting me borrow it. (Sets the book down and turns away, leaving the office.)","(Dan eyes his retreating back with a smirk.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. ROE RESIDENCE - THE KITCHEN - EVENING]","(Brooke is on her knees, cleaning the floor of the kitchen with a sponge. Lucas enters, sees her and pauses; watching her amusedly.)","LUCAS: Hey, Cinderella.","(Brooke looks at him.)","LUCAS: (Laughs) You hanging in there?","BROOKE: (Sighs) I take it you've heard.","LUCAS: Well, my mom can crack the whip.","BROOKE: I can't believe she actually grounded me. I thought she liked me.","LUCAS: Oh, Brooke, she does like you. Hey, she cares enough about you to ground you.","(Brooke scoffs. Lucas grins and shakes his head.)","LUCAS: (Walking over to look at the list.) So what number are you up to, huh? Three?","BROOKE: Four(!) Mop the kitchen floor.","LUCAS: (Laughs quietly.) And you're using a sponge?","BROOKE: (Looks at him slowly.) Is that wrong?","(Lucas laughs louder and walks around to the kitchen door. Brooke straightens up.)","LUCAS: (Takes the mops and brings it around.) OK,... Brooke, (Sets the mop in front of him.) this is a mop.","(Brooke looks at it quizzically.)","LUCAS: (Still highly amused.) Look, I'll tell you what, alright; you take the evens, I'll take the odds. And I'll bet we can bust this out in like... half hour.","(Brooke inclines her head, gratefully.)","BROOKE: Thanks, Luke.","LUCAS: (Smiles) Anything for you.","(Brooke's expression changes slightly but she still doesn't get it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. TAGARRO RESIDENCE (EST) - EVENING]","ANNA: (v.o) Mom,... dad-","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TAGARRO RESIDENCE - ANNA'S BEDROOM - EVENING]","(Anna is standing in front of her mirror, talking into it.)","ANNA: -you know I love you... but there's something I have to tell you about myself. (She's finding it hard to continue.) When I asked if we could move here, I told you it was because I couldn't take the rumours... but really,... I was just running away from my life.","(The camera is closing in slowly.)","ANNA: From who I am. (Pause) Because,... the rumours,... they were all true. I like girls. You've always taught me to be proud of who I am. That's not so easy for me because... I haven't been able to accept who I am. (Pause) Until now.","(The camera pans so that it's looking at Anna, not her reflection.)","ANNA: And I want you to know that this is hard for me... because I love you so much... and I never wanna disappoint you.","(The camera zooms out to show Anna's parents are there, blurry, but listening and taking in every word.)","ANNA: (Nods) But I have to stop disappointing myself, too. And,... I just... (Nods) I hope you still love me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - EVENING]","(Jenny is in her carrier. Jake hovers above her.)","JAKE: Hey, beautiful. I have to do something tonight. And I need you to know that I have searched from the bottom of my heart and I truly believe that this is the best thing for you. For us.","(Peyton is standing behind them.)","JAKE: I just hope that some day, you'll be able to understand that.","(Peyton looks away.)","(Jenny makes a noise and Jake kisses her on the cheek. She starts playing on her own as he stands and turns to Peyton.)","PEYTON: You're leaving?!","JAKE: (Nods) I'm sorry, Peyton.","PEYTON: No, I'll go with you.","JAKE: No(!) No, you can't.","PEYTON: (Distraught) We can be together(!)","JAKE: Yeah, I wish we could... (Indicates Jenny.)","PEYTON: (Tears in her eyes.) Well then at least tell me where you're going(!) Please(!) Maybe I can help.","JAKE: I can't (Gestures) tell you right now. But h-I need y-I need you to know something. I-look, I've never been happier than when I'm with you. OK, I've never... felt this much of... everything. (Peyton looks away.) And if I could, I would stay with you here forever.","(Peyton struggles to let him go.)","JAKE: But I just can't.","(They kiss.)","JAKE: You're the only person I can truly count on.","(Peyton looks at him.)","JAKE: That's why I need you to do one last thing for me.","(Peyton considers for a beat before nodding. She smiles sadly at him and he hugs her.)","FADE TO BLACK:","COMMERCIAL SET:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE SWINGING DONKEY BAR - THE SIGN - DAY]","(The camera pans down from the sign and to the side walk. Taylor exits from the bar.)","TAYLOR: Sneaking away without saying goodbye? That's original.","(Nathan is packing the boot of his car.)","NATHAN: (Shuts the boot and takes the keys out.) I, uh,... didn't think you'd wanna see me.","(Taylor nods.)","NATHAN: I'm really sorry, Taylor, for what I said. How I acted.","TAYLOR: It's OK. You get one free pass with me. Next time, watch your back. (Smiles)","NATHAN: (Grins) I had fun, though,... before that.","TAYLOR: I know you did. (Pause) But after a while, all the parties just... blend together. You know, sometimes I just wish I could start over.","NATHAN: (Smiles) You can. We all can, right?","TAYLOR: ...Not me. Once people think of you a certain way, you're never gonna be able to change their minds. I am who I am and I have to live with that. (Pause) But you, nobody's put a label on you yet. You can still be whoever you wanna be.","NATHAN: Without Haley. (He looks saddened.)","TAYLOR: If she's not gonna be there for you, you have to start being there for yourself.","NATHAN: (Putting on a brave face.) I don't know if I can.","TAYLOR: You can(!) (Nods) And you will, just... wake up every morning and live your life.","NATHAN: What happens if she comes back?","TAYLOR: Well, then, it'll be your decision. (Smiles)","(She walks forward.)","TAYLOR: Get home safe, Nathan. (Hugs him.) Try not to go dancing on any bars.","NATHAN: (Seriously) I won't if you won't.","(Taylor smiles but it falls as she considers. She nods. Nathan gets into the car. Taylor sighs as she contemplates her life.)","(Nathan drives off and Taylor watches him.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL POLICE STATION - ENTRANCE - DAY]","(Jake enters the station slowly. Phones ring and policemen are just hanging around. Jake walks up to the desk and a cop, looking through a red folder, acknowledges him.)","COP: Can I help you?","JAKE: Yeah, I'm Jake Jagielski. There's a warrant out for my arrest.","(He nods and looks down.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - DAY]","(Anna walks up to the front door and knocks. Lucas answers the door and shuts it behind him.)","LUCAS: Hey, Anna, what's up?","ANNA: Um,... I told my parents.","LUCAS: You told them?(!)","(Anna nods, smiling.)","LUCAS: That's huge! How'd they take it?","ANNA: Um,... I'm not sure, really. They, they cried a lot (Lucas nods understandingly.) but,... I think it was just because they were trying to understand,... then, when I was finished, (Smiles) they told me they loved me. Which is all I really wanted to hear.","LUCAS: I am... so proud of you, Anna.","ANNA: There's more; I told my parents that... they always taught me to be proud of myself (Lucas smiles and nods.) and the only way for me to do that is... if I go back to my boarding school and finally be who I am.","LUCAS: (The smile's gone.) Oh,... does that mean you're leaving?","(Anna nods.)","ANNA: Yes. (Pause) I wanted to stop in and see Peyton, but,... she's got enough to deal with right now. Tell her I'll call her soon?","LUCAS: I will. (Anna smiles and nods, waiting for him to say something else.) I am gonna miss you so much.","(Anna smiles happily.)","LUCAS: You've been a great friend.","ANNA: You, too. I'm a better person for knowing you, Luke.","(Lucas laughs at the immense compliment. He hugs her.)","LUCAS: How bout one last game of horse, huh?","ANNA: (Smiles up at him.) That sounds perfect.","(He laughs and they walk onto the court where a basketball is just waiting for them; on the wet ground. He picks up the ball and looks at her before throwing it and watching it go through the hoop.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KAREN'S CAF\u00c9 - DINING AREA - DAY]","(The bell rings and the door opens. Bevin rushes in in her heels.)","BEVIN: (Holding up a flier for a party.) Tell me you love me. (Brooke looks at her, puzzled.) And tell me you did not just touch that half eaten bagel.","BROOKE: No, I don't; (Shoves the plate under her nose.) yeees, I did.","(Bevin fends her off.)","BROOKE: (Smiling) And why are you waving that thing around in my face?","BEVIN: Because it happens to be an invitation to the biggest party of the year.","BROOKE: Thanks, but I think I'll pass. And for the record, there have been, like, six 'biggest parties' of the year this month, so get a new rating system.","BEVIN: But this one is a 'can't miss'.","BROOKE: And so was the last one.","BEVIN: No, the last one was a 'shouldn't miss'. (Holds out the paper.) Just look at the invitation and I won't say another word.","(Brooke takes the flier and gapes.)","BROOKE: This is a 'Courtney Ryan' party. This is a 'can't miss'(!)","BEVIN: Told ya. The party starts at, like, nine so meet us there around... eleven thirty? (She turns to leave and Brooke has a silent squealing moment.) Oh, and Brooke, (Brooke waits.) welcome back. (Exits)","(Brooke quickly clears the dirty dishes away. She completely misses the fact that Karen's standing there, having witnessed the entire scene.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - DAY]","(Lucas is walking past Dan's office when Dan calls to him.)","DAN: Lucas!","(Lucas stops and turns into the office, seeing somebody up a ladder, fitting something to the wall.)","DAN: Come on in.","(Lucas watches the guy fitting a camera to the wall.)","LUCAS: What's all this?","DAN: I thought it was time to upgrade the security system. Too many people know the pass-code to the main alarm.","LUCAS: (Nods) Oh, that's a good idea. (Crosses his arms.)","DAN: Besides, (Smirks) outside of the family, you never know who you can trust these days.","(Lucas squints.)","DAN: I got you something. (Holds out a book to him.)","(Lucas takes it from him. It's a book titled: 'MEMOIRS OF SHERLOCK HOLMES: A. CONAN DOYLE')","DAN: Thought you'd like it since you're into Sherlock Holmes. I marked my favourite story for you.","(Lucas opens it at the page. It's chapter 13 'The Final Problem'.)","DAN: Have you read that one?","LUCAS: Yeah, a long time ago.","DAN: It wasn't very popular with the fans, but,... I think it's some of Doyle's most honest work.","LUCAS: Why's that?","DAN: (Stands) Because he wrote what he was feeling. He got tired of writing that character; The Snoop. All the sneaking around... all the deception. (Lucas is very aware that Dan knows about what he and Andy got up to.) But he knew when it was time to end it. That's why, in the end, the great Sherlock Holmes falls to his death.","LUCAS: Well, I think maybe you missed the point.","DAN: (Smirking) Did I?","LUCAS: When Sherlock Holmes falls off the cliff, he pulls... Professor Moriarty down with him. (They smirk each other down.) You see, he sacrificed himself to bring down the bad guy. (Dan smirks some more.) That's the point I think Doyle was trying to make.","DAN: (Smiles and turns around.) Well, like I said, that's one interpretation.","(Lucas turns to leave.)","DAN: Hey, Lucas.","(Lucas stops and turns back.)","DAN: (Looks up at the camera.) I'll be seeing you.","(Lucas looks at the camera and leaves. Dan smirks. Lucas looks back once, still continuing on his way.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. TAGARRO RESIDENCE - ANNA'S CAR - DAY]","(Shot of the side of Anna's car.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. ANNA'S CAR - DAY]","(Anna looks into the mirror and adjusts it. She looks at herself and sighs.)","ANNA: Ready?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE STREETS - ANNA'S CAR - DAY]","(Anna drives off.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY]","(Jake is sitting there.)","COP: Jake Jagielski, you have the right to remain silent.","(Jake stands and closes his eyes. Another cop behind him puts handcuffs on him. He nods and looks away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - DAY]","(Peyton opens the front door to two police officers and Nikki.)","COP 1: (Handing Peyton a search warrant.) Ma'am, we have a warrant to search the property.","(They enter without being invited.)","COP: (v.o) Anything you say may be used against you in the court of law.","(Nikki smiles smugly at Peyton. They approach Jenny's carrier and the first cop pulls back the blanket. Inside, is a basketball and clue blanket.)","(Peyton smirks as Nikki's smile falls.)","COP 1: (v.o) You have the right to have an attorney present during questioning (Nikki looks at her.) now, or in the future.","(Nikki stomps out.)","COP 1: (v.o) If you can not afford an attorney,... one will be appointed to you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY]","(Jake is still looking at the cop.)","COP: Do you understand your rights as I have explained them to you?","JAKE: (Thinks for a beat before nodding.) I do.","(The first cop looks at him while two others take him away.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. ROE RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - EVENING]","(Karen enters the kitchen to find Brooke at the sink, washing the dishes.)","KAREN: (Pleased) Brooke, you're home.","BROOKE: (Shrugs) Yeah, I'm grounded, remember?","KAREN: (Considers) Not anymore. I think you've learned your lesson. (Smiles and exits the kitchen.)","(Brooke smiles and nods as she continues to wash the dishes.)","FADE"],"Show Title":"One Tree Hill","Episode Number":"02x18","Episode Title":"The Lonesome Road","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"One_Tree_Hill_02x20.json","Recap":["Lying in a coma after his race car accident, Nathan dreams of what life would have been like if Dan had stayed with Karen and Lucas instead of marrying Deb. In his imaginary world, Lucas has the wealth and stature and Nathan is the one growing up on the wrong side of the tracks. When he wakes up, Nathan phones Haley and tells her he doesn't want her to come home. This episode is named after a song by Talking Heads ."],"Transcript":["[INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - OPERATING THEATRE - DAY]","(Camera pans up to Nathan in the operating theatre, picking up where they left off.)","NATHAN: (v.o) Douglas Adams once wrote: 'He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream,...","(The nurse pulls his coverings up.)","NATHAN: (v.o) and he sometimes wondered whose it was,...","(The camera zooms in on him.)","NATHAN: (v.o) and whether they were enjoying it.","(There are beeps in the background which signify Nathan's heart rate.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - DAY]","(Its 6:59 am, Lucas alarm clock beeps and he reaches over, turning it off.)","(He sighs and sits up, putting his earphones on and turning his music on. He exits his bedroom and shuts the door.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - DAY]","(Pills are tipped into a glass of yellowish water. The camera pans up to show Dan. He's looking at the glass, transfixed.)","LUCAS: (Appearing) Breakfast of champions, Dad?","DAN: (Smiling) You were out late. You have fun?","LUCAS: Ah,... you know, I was... out with the guys.","DAN: (Expectantly) I thought maybe we could work out after school; do some weights.","LUCAS: Yeah, whatever.","KAREN: (o.s) We should be offering organic entrees in all our locations.","(Shot of her as she walks to the sink, talking on the phone.)","(Lucas' eyes harden and he puts his earphone back in.)","KAREN: We'll talk about this when I get in. (Pause) Yeah, I'll see ya in ten.","(She looks at Lucas.)","KAREN: Good morning, honey.","DAN: Morning, wife. You're outta here early.","KAREN: Meetings all day.","(She kisses Lucas on the cheek.)","KAREN: Good morning, Lucas.","(He takes his earphone out but doesn't even turn to her. She looks at Dan.)","DAN: (Changing the subject hopefully.) Will you be home for dinner?","KAREN: I'll call ya. I better go. (Smiles and walks up to him.)","(He kisses her on the cheek.)","KAREN: Got my eye set on a new location.","DAN: (To Lucas.) How many caf\u00e9's can one person own?","KAREN: (Turns to look at them.) Even dozen should do it.","(She leaves and Dan looks at Lucas. Lucas picks up an empty bottle of alcohol from the bin.)","LUCAS: (Looks at it before showing Dan.) Late night for you too, huh dad?","(Drops the bottle back in the bin and walks away. Dan smiles demurely. He tries to say something to Lucas but can't find the words.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. RIVERCOURT - DAY]","(Nathan, wearing a hoody with 'Deb's Den' on the back, bounces his basketball on the tarmac as he heads to his friends.)","SKILLS: (o.s) Oh, man, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you.","MOUTH: (Watches Nathan as smiles before talking into his mic.) Finally taking the court - ladies and gentlemen - is the Rivercourt's own Nathan Lee,-","(Nathan pulls his hood down and sighs.)","MOUTH: -star player and recent applicant to the prestigious High Flyers basketball camp.","(Nathan greets all of his friends.)","SKILLS: Oh, you forgot, uh,... ladies usual.","(Fergie laughs.)","NATHAN: Had to stop by the post office. (Pulls out an envelope from his pocket and shows it to them.)","FERGIE: High Flyers, baby. What's the word?","NATHAN: I dunno; I haven't opened it yet.","JUNK: (Snatching the envelope.) Dude, what is wrong with you?","NATHAN: (Laughs) That's a felony.","(Junk opens it, not caring.)","SKILLS: Yeah, whatever, turn us in. (Junk finally gets the letter out.) Come on, what-what's it say?","(They all read it.)","FERGIE: (Pointing to the letter.) Say's he's a finalist.","(Nathan exhales and his panicked expression fades.)","MOUTH: Nathan, that's awesome(!)","NATHAN: Alright, I'm just a finalist(! ) It's not the same thing as me actually getting into the camp.","JUNK: (Giving the letter back.) Uh-huh, act like you don't want it.","NATHAN: (Takes the letter.) What I don't want is to get my hopes up. There's no way they're gonna pick some guy that's never played organised basketball.","MOUTH: They'll pick a guy who played like you did on my videotape.","SKILLS: Nate, uh, I'm your best friend, right? So I feel like I can tell you this; uh,... stop being so damn modest and come out here so we can keep you humble. (Nathan smiles.)","(They laugh.)","NATHAN: Shoot for teams, huh?","SKILLS: Exactly.","(Nathan bounces the ball. Fergie bounces his to Skills who catches it. Nathan shoots and it goes straight through the hoop.)","SKILLS: Oh, OK, OK. (Skills takes his position.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE STREETS - LUCAS' CAR - DAY]","(Lucas comes racing down the road with Peyton sitting in the passenger seat.)","LUCAS: So, you wanna hang with the guys tonight?","PEYTON: (Bored) Oh, gee, there's a unique idea.","LUCAS: Come on, Peyt, what, I can't bond with the team?","PEYTON: What about bonding with your girlfriend?","(Lucas sneers and turns away, shaking his head. Stops her CD.)","PEYTON: I was listening to that(!) (Turns in back on.)","LUCAS: Fine! You don't wanna hang out with us?! (Peyton looks away in exasperation.) Why don't you just sit in your room; listen to your loser rock... and do live s*x shows on your webcam for all I care!","(Peyton turns to look at the road and her eyes widen.)","PEYTON: (Pointing) Lucas, LOOK OUT!","(Lucas grabs the wheel and presses the brake, hard. The car skids to a stop, inches from Nathan who is listening to music and bouncing his basketball.)","(Nathan stops, shaken, and turns to look at them. He pulls his hood off and takes an earphone out of his ear. Lucas revs the engine threateningly.)","NATHAN: Daddy teach you how to drive?","(Peyton looks between the pair, worriedly.)","LUCAS: (Smirking) Yeah, he sends his love. Now get outta my way, loser(!)","(Nathan doesn't move. Lucas inches the car forward; just touching Nathan. Nathan looks down at the bumper; Lucas smirks and does it again.)","(Nathan looks up at Peyton.)","PEYTON: (Mouthing) 'I'm sorry'.","(He puts his hood and earphone back on and walks away.)","PEYTON: (Turning to Lucas.) Why do you have to treat him like that? (Lucas looks at her, eyebrow raised.) Could've easily been you, you know? If your dad had married his mom instead of yours.","LUCAS: (Sneering) Yeah, like that was ever gonna happen.","(He shifts the gear down, presses on the gas and they speed off.)","(Shot of the sign on the back of the car that reads: 'I Got Mine At Keith Scott Motors'.)","FADE TO BLACK:","END OF TEASER: OPENING CREDITS ROLL:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KEITH SCOTT MOTORS - MAIN - DAY]","(Camera pans across the sign inside the building and a cardboard cut-out of Keith; grinning toothily and pointing.)","KEITH: (Selling to a customer.) You see, it's this... retro style and the, uh, leather interior package; makes this one-one powerful sexy machine. (Pause) And when you factor in the Keith Scott service guarantee and that elusive thing that we call the, uh, (Grins) the cool factor; this car is definitely gonna get you laid.","(The customer considers and then grins, nodding.)","(Dan enters the shop, late and out of breath. He checks his watch.)","KEITH: (Spotting Dan.) (To the customer.) Uh, do me a favour; have a seat in my office and think about that leather interior, huh?","(The customer walks in that direction and Keith turns his attention to Dan. He's struggling to get his jacket on.)","KEITH: Oh, let me guess: Doug ate your work ethic.","DAN: Nah, I had to go by the uniform place; sign off the new Ravens logo.","KEITH: (Snarkily) Yeah(!) Like Whitey's actually gonna let you make a decision.","DAN: Come one, Keith, it's early, don't start.","KEITH: I'm the boss here. Maybe you shoulda married Deb; you mighta gotten her parent's money, things'd be different.","DAN: Can we just leave the past in the past?","KEITH: Yeah, that's what you're best at, isn't it? (Looks out of the window and indicates it.) See that lady out there eyeing the convertible?","(Dan turns to see a woman looking into a black convertible.)","KEITH: She's ready to deal. (Dan turns back.) Try not to screw it up, huh?","DAN: I'm on it, Keith. (Heads for the exit.) Oh, hey, I gotta cut out early for basketball practice, OK?","KEITH: Just about the time the bars open up, (Smirks evilly.) right boozy?","(Dan doesn't answer or react.)","KEITH: Huh? (Sniggers cruelly.)","(Keith walks away and Dan exits.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DEB'S DEN - COUNTER - DAY]","(Deb is leaning on the counter, writing.)","OTIS: (o.s) How bout I buy you a cold beer, Miss. Lee.","(Deb looks to the side and smiles.)","OTIS: Huh? (He drinks from his own beer.)","DEB: (Amused) Otis, you've been offering for ten years; you know I don't drink.","(Walks across to him with a cup.)","OTIS: Doesn't hurt to try, does it?","(Deb smiles and nods. The door rings and Nathan enters the den, holding his letter.)","DEB: Hey, sweetie(!)","NATHAN: What's up, mom. I got the mail; some, uh, bills, a letter from uncle Cooper and, uh,... (Drops an application to college, on the counter.) this.","(He sits at the counter. Deb takes the leaflet and looks at it.)","NATHAN: Thinking about taking some classes?","DEB: If they offer a course in making ends meet.","(Nathan looks at the leaflet.)","NATHAN: You ever regret it? Your folks cutting you off.","DEB: (Looking him in the eye, seriously.) Not for one second, Nate. (Puts her hand on his.) Otherwise, I wouldn't have you.","(Nathan smiles and nods.)","DEB: Besides, money buys you nothing but misery. (Looks through the mail.) I mean,... look at Dan and Karen and Lucas.","(She takes the letter out and looks at it. Nathan smirks knowingly.)","NATHAN: Well, you know, you could up the traffic in here by hiring some... hot girls to dance in the bar.","OTIS: (Pointing at Nathan.) There you go. Yeah.","NATHAN: Just saying. (Smiles)","(Deb mumbles nonsense and smiles.)","HALEY: Speaking of hot girls (Haley enters with her Snoopy hat.) sorry I'm late. (Smiles at Deb.) School bus driver ran out of gas.","NATHAN: Where were you today?","HALEY: I told you, Mr. Hirshfield took us to the planetarium. If you ever listen to me, maybe you'd know that.","NATHAN: OK, alright. I just can't believe you went out in public with that hat.","(Deb turns to Haley and Haley glares kindly at Nathan.)","HALEY: Remind me why I'm friends with you again.","(Deb opens the High Flyers letter.)","DEB: Nathan, this is from that basketball camp.","NATHAN: Yeah, I'm a finalist. (Looking modest.) It's no big deal.","DEB: Well, it's a huge deal, honey, I'm really really proud of you(!)","(Nathan smiles.)","HALEY: Yeah, me too!","(Nathan looks up at her.)","HALEY: (Looking at the letter.) Congratulations. Well, we'll have to celebrate later. Right now, (Flings the dishtowel over one shoulder.) dirty dishes are beckoning. (Sternly) You rock, don't let it go to your head.","(She leaves and Nathan smiles, heartened.)","DEB: You know, you two are gonna end up married some day.","NATHAN: Stop it(!) We've known each other forever; we're just friends.","DEB: Good place to start. (Takes a drink from her cup.)","NATHAN: (Pause) Keep dreaming.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - EVENING]","(The camera focuses on the court as many feet walk across it.)","SKILLS: Nah, for real, man, I'm serous, dule here really got bigger.","NATHAN: Skills(!)","(Junk, Fergie, Mouth and Skills laugh.)","SKILLS: Nah, I'm serious(!)","(Their smiles freeze on their faces as they come up to the Ravens basketball tem on their court, using their hoop. Lucas and the gang are all there.)","NATHAN: You guys must be lost.","(Lucas looks at Nathan while the others keep playing. Tim turns with Lucas as he scoffs girlishly.)","LUCAS: (Advancing) Well, Whitey closed up the gym; We gotta have somewhere to run.","(The rest of the team back Lucas up.)","SKILLS: Well, you ain't bout to do it up here.","TIM: (Scoffs) Oh contraire-","LUCAS: (Exasperatedly) Tim, just say 'yes we are'. See, I'm in training for High Flyers. (Tilts his head.) You wouldn't know anything about that now, would you? Street trash.","MOUTH: (Glaring) You wanna bet?","(Nathan looks at Mouth.)","JUNK: Nate's a finalist, too.","NATHAN: Guys.","SKILLS: It's true","LUCAS: (Laughs amusedly.) Pipe dream, much? (Tim continues to laugh.) Coz they only take... (Walks up to him.) one player from each high school. Now who d'ya think they're gonna pick, huh? Star shooting guard... of the undefeated Ravens... or the Rivercourt b*st*rd.","(Lucas snatches Nathan's ball from his hands. He glares before turning and bouncing the ball away. He jumps and dunks the ball through the hoop, grabbing the ring for a beat before letting go and hitting the ground with both feet, landing with ease. He turns to smirk at Nathan and the team back away to follow him off the court.)","(Shot of Nathan.)","FADE TO BLACK:","COMMERCIAL SET:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. STREETS - DAY]","(Nathan runs along a bridge, headphones in his ears as he listens to music and works out.)","(The camera pans down to show Brooke, standing beside her car as she watches him with her arms crossed.)","(Cut back to Nathan as he finishes crossing the bridge.)","(Brooke smiles conspiratorially.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - BOYS SHOWERS - DAY]","(Nathan is alone in the shower room, having a wash, his back to the camera. Brooke enters, dressed only in a towel. She looks around before walking around the partition and silently approaching Nathan. She looks him up and down and grins.)","BROOKE: So I guess the rumours are true; (Nathan starts and grabs the nearest towel; trying to cover himself.) Mr. Size 14.","(He looks at her embarrassedly.)","NATHAN: Wh-a(!) Uh,... I think... you're in the wrong locker room.","BROOKE: (Mock confused.) Well,... (Turns and holds one side of the towel out.) the... sign says 'Boys'... (Deliberately drops the towel.) doesn't it?","(Nathan looks away as she exposes herself.)","NATHAN: Ohhhhkayyy, Whoa(!)","BROOKE: (Not nearly embarrassed.) Oops(!)","(Nathan doesn't meet her eyes, red in the face.)","BROOKE: I'm Brooke; but I bet you already knew that.","NATHAN: Yeah, I-I gotta go(!)","(He rushes out of there as fast as he can without slipping.)","(Dan is standing there, having witnessed the entire thing. Brooke walks to the exit and, without missing a beat, smiles innocently at him.)","BROOKE: Hi, Coach Scott(!)","(Dan follows her exit with a curious look.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - DAY]","(Lucas is pushing weights and groaning slightly with the effort. Dan comes up behind him.)","DAN: Ah-ah, I got you. Come on. (Lucas struggles to push the weights up.) Push!","(Lucas finally gets it done and sits up, pissed.)","LUCAS: God, I had it, dad(!)","DAN: (Laughing) Right(!) What're you slinging?","LUCAS: Bout 160.","DAN: Wow, didn't know I had a daughter. Let's kick it up. We're gonna have to start 200 a day if we're gonna impress the High Flyers scout.","(He adds some more weights.)","LUCAS: Why, coz you couldn't, back in the day?","DAN: I'm trying to help you. I don't want you to make the same mistakes that I did.","LUCAS: What do you know about your other son applying for High Flyers?","DAN: Don't call him that. Don't worry, he'll never make it.","(Lucas looks off and scoffs.)","LUCAS: Well, he made finalist. Which means Whitey must have signed off on his application.","(Lucas gets up and leaves while Dan glares.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILLH HIGH SCHOOL - WHITEY'S OFFICE - DAY]","(Dan stomps into the office.)","DAN: You're not seriously considering Deb's son for High Flyers spot.","WHITEY: Well he's your son too, Danny. (Picks up some papers.) And good morning to you. (Smiling)","DAN: That kid's just trying to sabotage Lucas' shot(!)","WHITEY: (Smile drops.) That 'kid' sent in a tape that impressed the scouts so much that they made him a finalist. All I did was sign the papers. I'm an equal opportunity instigator. (Grins)","DAN: You did this just to get me. (Turns to the exit.)","WHITEY: Danny(!) Maybe it didn't make the nightly news but this is not about you. (Dan turns to him.)","DAN: Nathan's never played for a real team. He's a street-ball player, Whitey(!)","WHITEY: (Angry) And apparently, a pretty damn good one! Least he got something from you.","DAN: (Shakes his head.) What're you up to?","WHITEY: Just fairness. I wouldn't expect you to understand that. (Pause) But if Lucas is the better player, he's got nothing to worry about. (Grins evilly.) Till then, let the best man win.","(Dan turns back to the exit.)","WHITEY: Oh, and, uh, (Dan stops.) be sure and let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.","(Whitey laughs as Dan shuts the door behind him. The camera pans to a framed picture of Dan and Whitey. Whitey's holding the trophy in front of Dan's face so it can barely be seen.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE MARKET STREET DOCK - THE RIVER - DAY]","(Camera pans down from the trees to the small table and benches that Nathan and Haley are sitting at. They are eating Crackerjacks.)","HALEY: She was totally naked?","NATHAN: As the day she was born.","(Haley groans and looks away.)","NATHAN: Only a lot more... curvy.","HALEY: Well what happened then?","NATHAN: (Shrugs piteously.) I got the hell outta there(!)","HALEY: (Amused) You and Brooke Davis. (High voice.) Captain of the 'CheerSluts'(!) That is hard to picture.","NATHAN: (Nods as he looks into the Crackerjack box.) Yeah, I'd say 'hard' is the right word.","HALEY: Eeew(!) (Smacks him on the arm.)","(They laugh. He pulls out the gift from the box.)","NATHAN: OK, what's this?","(Rips it open and pulls out the purple bracelet; the same from last season.)","HALEY: Oh, score, a bracelet. Last time I got some fake tattoo with a random number.","NATHAN: Well, here.","(He stretches out the bracelet so that she can put her hand through it.)","NATHAN: It matches that, uh, thing you call a shirt.","HALEY: (Pointing to her poncho.) My mother made this for me, and shut up(!)","NATHAN: You shut up.","HALEY: You shut up.","(She smacks him on the hand and puts her other one through the bracelet.)","NATHAN: (Pointing) Don't say I never gave you anything. (Smiles)","(Haley smiles and eats another Crackerjack.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. LEE RESIDENCE - NATHAN'S BEDROOM - EVENING]","(Nathan is sitting in his bedroom, working, when there's a light knock on his door. He looks for a beat before standing and walking to the door. It opens to Whitey.)","NATHAN: I think you... have the wrong son's house.","WHITEY: ...I need to talk to you about your game.","(Cut to Whitey putting a picture of Nathan and Deb back onto the shelf. Turns and sighs.)","WHITEY: I didn't know you were that good a player till I saw that tape. You're a little rough round the edges but you got the makings.","NATHAN: (Leaning on his desk.) If this is about me joining the team, you can forget it.","WHITEY: (Laughs) Son, I'm a lot smarter than you give me credit for. (Pause) Asking you to play alongside Lucas, when that, uh, ass-crack (Nathan smiles agreeably.) of a father of yours is my assistant coach; I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.","(Nathan nods. Whitey sits in Nathan's bed.)","WHITEY: Tell me, why did you apply to the High Flyers?","NATHAN: Coz I love the game. (Pause) Coz all the messed up... history in this town has kept me from being able to play. (Shrugs) This camp might give me a shot at playing college; where I don't have to... live in anybody else's shadow.","(Whitey looks down.)","NATHAN: I know I'm good, I just wanna prove that I'm good enough(!)","WHITEY: Nathan, I'm gonna level with you: you getting into that camp is a long shot.","(Nathan's hopes die.)","WHITEY: I can only pick one athlete from this school... normally, Lucas'd be a shoe-in... (Sighs and looks back up.) but I was impressed by your tape.","NATHAN: (Shrugs) Then... pick me.","WHITEY: (Torn) It's not that easy. (Stands) I have to be sure you can hold your own with a real team: passing, defence,... running picks.","NATHAN: (Shakes his head.) Well, I can't play in that gym, Coach.","WHITEY: (Laughs) Well, then play at the Rivercourt.","NATHAN: (Smiling) You want me to play against Lucas?","WHITEY: (Seriously) Technically, I want you to beat him(!) (Smiles) That's up to you.","(Nathan smiles as he assesses Whitey.)","FADE TO BLACK:","[SCENE_BREAK]","COMMERCIAL SET:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING]","(The sound of a basketball match is heard in the background as the camera pans across pictures of Karen and Dan to a picture of Lucas in a 'Clarence 41' shirt.)","(Shot fades to Dan watching the TV of his long past glory days and smiling.)","LUCAS: (o.s) Want me to cue Springsteen's glory days?","(Shot cuts back and shows Lucas standing over Dan's shoulder.)","LUCAS: Take the picture?","DAN: So, I'm nostalgic.","LUCAS: (Lifts an eyebrow slightly.) That's one word for it. Sweet dreams, dad. (Leaves the room.)","DAN: Hey, cut me some slack, son. (Stands) I look at you and I see... I see myself twenty years ago. It reminds me of all that promise. (Lucas looks at him.) If I ride you, (Pause) it's because I wanna see you feel all the triumph that I never had. But I'm telling you, this 'kid' is a risk to all that.","LUCAS: Oh, you mean you other son?","DAN: Only biologically. He means nothing to me, and you mean everything.","(Lucas laughs and looks away.)","DAN: I saw his tape today, and I was wrong when I said that he's no threat to you. So you're gonna have to do whatever it takes to beat him.","LUCAS: Don't sweat it, dad. (Looks at him.) I'll protect what's left of your good name.","(He looks at the TV. The tape that Dan has of his and Karen's prom night is playing. Karen speaks about how they will be married and live in a big house.)","LUCAS: You got bigger problems anyway.","(Lucas smirks and exits.)","(Cut to the TV.)","PROM KAREN: Come visit us in ten years and... I bet you can meet the kids and... get a tour of our big house... and see how happy we are.","(Dan turns away and looks down before turning the TV off.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KEITH'S APARMTENT - BEDROOM - EVENING]","(Karen and Keith are in bed, doing what most naked people do in bed.)","(She reaches over to the clock and turns it so that she can see the time.)","KAREN: What time is it?(!) God, I gotta go(!)","(She sits up and takes the covers with her.)","KEITH: Oh, no(!)","KAREN: Oh, I've already worked late a lot these past few weeks.","(She puts her shirt on and sighs.)","KEITH: Dan is not gonna be suspicious, trust me. (Leans against the headboard.)","(Karen walks to the rest of her clothes and looks back at him, sighing.)","KEITH: Why don't you stay the night?","KAREN: (Looks at him.) You know I can't do that.","KEITH: Well, you could if you leave him.","(She turns to him and smiles. She gets back onto the bed and they look at each other.)","KAREN: Who would protect Lucas?","KEITH: From what? Becoming a jack-hole like his father? I think it's a little late for that.","KAREN: (Sternly) Keith(!)","KEITH: OK, I-I'm sorry. (They exchange looks.) You know, I would raise Lucas like he was my own.","(Karen looks at him for a beat before getting off the bed.)","KAREN: (To herself.) Sometimes I think he is.","(Keith leans up on one elbow as he watches her leave.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. SCOTT RESIDENCE (EST) - EVENING]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - EVENING]","(Karen enters the kitchen to find Lucas there.)","KAREN: Lucas, you're up late.","LUCAS: (Distant) Makes two of us.","KAREN: Meetings, you know.","LUCAS: (Smirking) Yeah, I know. (Walks past her, drinking from a bottle of water.)","KAREN: Hey, wait(!)","(He turns to her, glaring.)","KAREN: I thought I'd make some coco. We could sit and talk like we used to.","LUCAS: You want a late night chat, mom? Why don't you just try calling Uncle Keith? I'm sure he'll come running.","(The hurt is evident in his eyes as he leaves. Karen doesn't know what to say to him.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - SCIENCE - DAY]","(Shot of a slide of the stars.)","MR HIRSHFIELD: (o.s) As you see, class, galaxies come in three main-","(Camera pans to Nathan and Haley.)","HALEY: Of course you're gonna do it, you've gotta play this game(!)","NATHAN: Haley, (Struggles) it's Lucas.","HALEY: So, you can't let him stop you from chasing after your dream(!)","NATHAN: (Sighs) That's easy for you to say.","HALEY: Dude, nothing is ever gonna happen for you if you don't put yourself out there(!) (Amused) You gotta shoot for the stars(!)","(They laugh.)","NATHAN: What about you? What're you're dreams?","HALEY: (Instantly) Chocolate.","NATHAN: Seriously?","HALEY: Yea, chocolate. (She laughs.) Um,... well, I never told anybody this... but, I kinda wanna be a singer.","NATHAN: A singer?","HALEY: Yeah, you know, like, tour the country and play concerts and wear really cool clothes and then release an album.","(Nathan turns away, laughing.)","HALEY: Oh, you think that's funny?","NATHAN: No,... I just,... Haley, I've heard you sing.","HALEY: (Gasps and slaps him.) Shut up(!) Just because I'm tone-deaf doesn't mean I can't dream, OK?","NATHAN: No, yeah, you're right. You're right, I guess it doesn't.","(Haley laughs. Nathan looks at her and sighs, smiling warmly.)","(The camera pans back to Lucas and Tim who are sitting at the back of the class.)","TIM: I got it. Seduce the tutor girl. You know, like, get inside her head and... steal her away from him.","(Lucas frowns and sighs.)","TIM: Then dump her; crush her heart.","LUCAS: Tim, that's the dumbest idea ever.","TIM: (Looks back at Nathan and Haley.) What're you talking about? It's genius(!)","LUCAS: (Sighs) You wanna hear genius? Tonight's the game.","(The camera cuts back to them.)","LUCAS: He can't win if he doesn't show up.","TIM: You're gonna kill him?(!)","(Lucas sighs and closes his eyes, begging for a little intelligence. He leans over and whispers in Tim's ear. Tim grins giddily.)","TIM: You got mad things, yo. (Hold out his fist for Lucas to knock.)","LUCAS: (Studies him stoically.) ...Tim, just say it's a good plan.","(Lucas ignores the fist. Tim turns away and sighs. Lucas glances back at Peyton who's studying him, completely aware that he's up to something.)","(The class has ended and Haley is packing up her things. She puts her book into her bag. Peyton approaches her.)","PEYTON: Um,... (Smiling) you're a tutor, right?","HALEY: (Smiling) You're a jackasses girlfriend, right? (Stands up.)","PEYTON: Guess we're both right. Uh... look, I'm Peyton... and... I know you're friends with Lucas' brother.","HALEY: Half-brother, his name's Nathan.","PEYTON: He's, like, you're boyfriend or-","HALEY: (Annoyed) He's, like, my friend(!) Why do you people always assume that? God(!) (Looks down and then up again.) Look, let me just save you some time, OK, Goldilocks, he's really not into cheerleaders(!)","PEYTON: (Not backing down.) OK, first: retract the claws(!)","(Haley stops and looks up.)","PEYTON: Second: Lucas is planning on doing something to Nathan tonight. Before the game.","HALEY: What's he gonna do?","PEYTON: I don't have any specifics... but, he will do anything to get to that stupid basketball camp. So you might wanna warn Nathan.","(Haley, disheartened, looks down.)","PEYTON: Just thought you'd like to know. (Exits the classroom.)","(Haley blinks.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - DAY]","(Shot of the hoop and sky. Nathan suddenly appears as he dunks the ball and grabs the hoop. Pan down to Nathan bouncing and throwing the ball again.)","(Dan's there. He gets out of the car and shuts the door. Nathan, not knowing, takes the ball and walks back, bouncing it again.)","DAN: I thought it was time to break the ice.","NATHAN: (Turns to him, ball still in hand, and scoffs.) After seventeen years? (Inclines his head and throws the ball again.) Nice try.","(Dan watches him and grins.)","DAN: That's my DNA, you know?","NATHAN: If that's what you need to believe.","DAN: Let's get right to it. (Pause) I'll give you five-hundred bucks to withdraw your application.","NATHAN: (Amused) Well, I'd give you this weeks allowance...","(He throws the ball. It goes in and Dan catches it and does a silly little move.)","DAN: You really think you've got a chance to win this thing? You're kidding yourself. Just like your mother was kidding herself when she moved to Tree Hill.","NATHAN: (Shakes his head, angry.) You know what? I wasn't even sure if I was gonna go through with this game... but now I am gonna play. (Takes the ball back.) And I'm gonna win.","(Dan grins, impressed.)","DAN: I guess you are my son after all.","(Dan smiles and nods as he walks away. Nathan throws the ball and it goes through the hoop again.)","FADE TO BLACK:","COMMERCIAL SET:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DEB'S DEN - BAR - EVENING]","(Deb walks around behind the bar.)","DEB: OK, it's, uh, (Counts the money handed over by a customer.) eight bucks for the beers, ooo, twenty dollar tip(!)","MAN: Hey, the twenty's on the Rivercourt team.","DEB: (Stops short of putting the money in her top.) Ah, good man. (Smiles at him.)","(There's a lot of cheering as Nathan enters the bar. Nathan looks to his mother for an explanation.)","DEB: (Waving) Hey, honey(!)","NATHAN: (Shouting to be heard.) What's going on?","DEB: We're starting the victory party a little early.","(She looks up as Nathan walks to her.)","DEB: What, bad idea?","NATHAN: No, it's just, um,... (Looks at her.) Dan came to visit me. He offered me cash to drop out.","DEB: (Smiling to herself.) Oh, honey, (Puts her hand on his.) Shut him out(!) You're good. I don't know if I tell you this enough, but I,... (Shakes her head.) am so proud of you. (Nathan smiles.) Even more so when you kick that kid's butt tonight.","NATHAN: Yeah. That's the plan.","(Nathan leaves and Deb thinks. She grabs the empty glass off the bar.)","GUY: (As Nathan passes.) Good luck, Nathan.","(Haley walks out of the back, relieved.)","HALEY: Thank god(!) Where have you been and why aren't you answering your phone?","NATHAN: Right here and I'm... recharging the batteries. Why, what's going on?","HALEY: Because Lucas is gonna try something tonight, OK?","(Nathan looks away before facing her again, resolute.)","NATHAN: Let him. I'm not scared of him.","HALEY: Will you just be careful, please?","NATHAN: I'm gonna be fine, alright? I promise.","(He smiles and walks past her. Haley squints, still worried.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. DEB'S DEN - THE ROAD - EVENING]","(Nathan exits the building and walks alone, head down and hands in pockets. A car is heard zooming before it stops behind him and the doors open. Guys from the basketball team jump out.)","TIM: Yo, Nate!","(They charge at him and grab him from behind.)","NATHAN: What the-! Get off of me!","(They put a sack over his head. Nathan manages to elbow Tim in the face and he goes down; not surprisingly.)","TIM: Let's go(!) (Shuts the door and gets into the driver's seat.)","(They drive off.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. SWAMP - EVENING]","(The car stops at the swamp and they pull Nathan out. His hands are tied behind his back and the sack is taken off.)","NATHAN: (Seeing where they've bought him.) Oh, come on(!)","(He struggles but they continue to drag him forward. He's dropped into it.)","(Lucas and Tim appear, smirking.)","LUCAS: Oops(!)","(Nathan gets to his feet as the pair advance on him. He struggles as he walks up to them, staring them in the face.)","LUCAS: I warned you. It seems you and me have something in common.","(Nathan looks up at him.)","LUCAS: (Smirking) We don't quit.","NATHAN: You and I, moron.","LUCAS: (Raises an eyebrow and leans forward.) What?","(Nathan sighs and shakes his head dismissively.)","LUCAS: Look, (Pause) I have been working towards this camp since junior high... and nobody's gonna screw it up for me. Especially not you. So I'm gonna be nice and let you walk away from this game.","TIM: (Grinning) We should take his clothes.","(The two guys holding Nathan look confused and Nathan just frowns at Tim.)","LUCAS: (Sighing) Tim, what is wrong with you? You pitch that every time we kidnap a guy.","TIM: I mean, i-i-it'll make it harder for him to get home.","LUCAS: (Beat) And so will this; (Walks forward.)","(The guys continue to hold Nathan as Lucas walks up and puts his hand into Nathan's pocket.)","NATHAN: (Eyebrow raised.) Getting your jollies?","(Lucas smirks and takes Nathan's phone out of his pocket, throwing it into the water. Nathan turns back, pissed, but there's nothing that he can do; he's held tight.)","LUCAS: You tell anybody about this,... and you're dead.","(Nathan glares.)","LUCAS: Let's go.","(They leave Nathan there, hands tied and stranded, with no phone and no car. He struggles to get his hands free.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - EVENING]","(Close-up of pictures of many many eyes on Peyton's wall. The camera pans down to show Peyton's drawing. It's of a closed door and a welcome mat which says 'P. SAWYER' and has a sketch of herself on the mat.)","(Lucas enters the room. Peyton looks at him before turning away.)","LUCAS: You ready?","PEYTON: Nope. I'm not going. (Continues drawing.)","LUCAS: Oh, come on, Peyt, I thought we were gonna work on... you know, getting back to normal.","PEYTON: (Scoffs and gets up.) OK, trust me when I say that normal is the last thing I want with us because - in case you haven't noticed - normal sucks with us, Lucas. And I hate it when you call me 'Peyt'.","LUCAS: (Smirking) Is this about Nathan?","PEYTON: No(!) It's about you(!) I'm starting to see who you really are and I may be late to that party but... better late than never.","(She spots a stain on his jacket.)","PEYTON: You did something to Nathan, didn't you? (Lucas looks at it.) What, your stupid kidnapping thing?","LUCAS: I thought you said this wasn't about him. Hm?","(Peyton looks away.)","LUCAS: You know, I'll just come back when you're not so... PMS. (Walks away.)","PEYTON: Don't bother(!)","LUCAS: Peyton- (Turns back.)","PEYTON: Luke, I mean it(!) We're done. (Looks him straight in the eyes.)","LUCAS: ...Your loss. (Pause) Peyt. (Exits)","(Focus on Peyton.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - EVENING]","(Shot of the hoop. The camera pans down to show all of the gathered people. Lucas is throwing practice shots at the hoop. Junk, Fergie and Skills enter the court and look at Lucas.)","SKILLS: Hey, where's Nate, man?","LUCAS: (Turing to them.) Maybe he chickened out(!)","(Tim laughs.)","FERGIE: Maybe you're a dick(!)","LUCAS: What?","DEB: (Concerned) Where's Nathan?","JUNK: That's what we're trying to find out.","(Deb looks around. Lucas looks at her, smirking.)","SKILLS: Hey, how'd you get that shiner on your eye, dawg? (Cut to Tim.) What, you and your boyfriend here like it kinda rough?","(Tim laughs and looks down before shoving Skills. Skills backs up a bit before swinging back and punching Tim in the face.)","LUCAS: Hey! (Comes between the pair.)","(Dan appears and holds the pair apart. People struggle all over the court, trying to start something.)","WHITEY: Break it up, break it up. Come on, what're you trying to do? Get thrown outta the game before it starts? (Pushes Tim.) Get over there.","(Lucas backs up. Whitey passes glares all around.)","(Karen is there, standing beside Dan.)","DEB: (To Karen and Dan.) My son better be alright.","(Karen looks at Dan accusingly as Deb turns away.)","DEB: (To herself.) Where are you, Nathan?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE SAWMP - EVENING]","(Nathan is walking down the road when Peyton drives up to him. She pulls up next to him and he looks at her.)","PEYTON: (Unlocking the door.) Get in.","NATHAN: How'd you find me?","PEYTON: (Amused) You think you're the first guy he's done this to?","NATHAN: I can see why you stay with the guy.","PEYTON: Actually, I broke up with him tonight.","NATHAN: So you're helping me just to piss him off?","PEYTON: That, and you seem like a decent guy. Plus, I think everybody deserves a shot. If you really want something bad enough no one has the right to stand in your way.","(Nathan looks away.)","PEYTON: What?","NATHAN: Nothing, I just... I got that weird... d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu thing.","PEYTON: I don't believe in past lives. I think we've got one life, one chance and what we do with it is up to us.","(Nathan smiles.)","PEYTON: So get it. I'm your only hope of making it to the stupid game on time.","(Nathan concedes and opens the door, getting in. They drive off.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - EVENING]","(People are hanging around, still waiting for Nathan. Lucas is still taking shots at the hoop. Haley walks up from behind.)","MOUTH: Well, ladies and gentlemen, the game's looking like a forfeit, with Nathan Lee a no-show-","HALEY: Not so fast, Mouth.","(Lucas walks past and she confronts him.)","HALEY: What'd you do?(!)","LUCAS: What, it's not my fault your boyfriend finally grew a brain. (Touches her chin.) Sweetie.","HALEY: Peyton said that you were gonna try something. H-","(People start converging in the opposite direction. Haley turns to look. A car is heard. Deb turns too and Peyton's car pulls up.)","(Lucas eyes it and Nathan gets out. Haley and Deb walk to him.)","DEB: Are you alright?","NATHAN: Yeah. (Kisses her on the cheek.) I'm fine, mom. (To Haley.) Hey.","HALEY: Hey.","(Nathan greets a few other people and Peyton shuts her car door, walking forward. She looks at Lucas sternly. He turns and walks onto the court.)","(Whitey approaches, looking at his watch, ball in hand.)","NATHAN: Am I too late?","WHITEY: (Throws the ball at him.) Almost. (Nathan catches it.) Get this game started.","(Lucas walks up, not in the least bit pleased.)","WHITEY: Four on four. Let's hustle(!)","NATHAN: No(!) (Whitey stops and turns back.) Me against him. (Points to Lucas.) It's the way it's always been, right?","(Lucas doesn't argue.)","NATHAN: Why should tonight be any different?","LUCAS: (Smirks) Your funeral.","WHITEY: Game to eleven by one. (Looks at the pair.) LET'S GO! (Claps and walks off the court.)","(Nathan throws the ball at Lucas.)","NATHAN: Shoot for ball.","LUCAS: (Scowling) Fine by me. (Throws the ball and is goes through the hoop.)","(Lucas holds his arms out as the crowd cheers. Nathan bounces the ball and passes it back to Lucas. He walks to him and Lucas tosses it back. Nathan walks up, holds the ball out and gets ready.)","(There's a moments pause before Lucas makes a move, dodges and jumps, throwing the ball. Nathan jumps too but it sails high and goes through the hoop.)","(The cheerleaders cheer, decked out in gear though there's no need for it. Dan claps and Karen smiles.)","(Bouncing the ball, Nathan takes Lucas' previous position and moves about slightly, trying to put Lucas off.)","(Lucas crouches and waits for Nathan's move. He bounces the ball, spins, and jumps, letting go of the ball. It flies and goes through the hoop.)","(The crowd cheers and Haley whoops whilst clapping.)","(Lucas runs with the ball and dunks it, too quick for Nathan.)","(Nathan runs jumps and gets a basket.)","(Deb smiles happily, silently praying for her son.)","(Nathan tries to block Lucas' attempt but it's in vain as the ball eventually goes in.)","(Nathan jumps and shoots but it hits the edge, missing the basket.)","(Cut to Whitey who is scowling for all he's worth. He looks away.)","(Fade to the game. Lucas jumps and hits it. The crowd cheers every time either one makes it. He gets another one and another in a series of fades. Nathan's hands aren't enough to stop him.)","(Lucas passes him the ball. Nathan runs and jumps, getting the ball in three times with a series of fades.)","(Lucas shoots and scores as does Nathan.)","MOUTH: (o.s) So, rank my last two girlfriends and you'll have the score folks; it's ten-nine, Nathan Lee.","(Nathan blocks Lucas all the way down the court. Lucas deliberately turns and elbows Nathan in the face. Nathan almost goes down with the force of it. Deb stands, anguished.)","MOUTH: Oh, and that's a foul by Scott.","(Lucas gets another basket while Nathan's down.)","MOUTH: That's gotta hurt.","(Bevin's eyes are wide and Brooke gapes at the indecency of it. Lucas takes the ball and watches Nathan. Peyton glares. Haley waits, worried.)","(Nathan spits out and Lucas approaches him.)","NATHAN: (Touches his mouth to make sure that he's OK.) No foul,... the basket counts.","(Lucas nods smarmily and advances.)","MOUTH: And Lee calls it good(!) It's ten-ten, game point. Next basket wins.","(Whitey shakes his head and looks away. He can't watch. Karen looks at Dan. Peyton watches tensely.)","(Lucas tosses the ball.)","LUCAS: (Leaning forward.) You know, he's never mentioned you once; (Gives him the ball.) not in all these years.","(Nathan looks at him as if he's crazy.)","NATHAN: And you really think things would have been different if he'd married my mom? If you do, you're a fool.","LUCAS: (Tense-jawed) You're the fool,... and after you miss this basket, a loser too.","NATHAN: (Exhales) Whatever(!) This is for my mom.","(Nathan crouches, dodges right, then left, moves forward - Lucas keeping track the entire time - before turning and hitting the fade away. The shot moves into slow-motion as he jumps and gets the basket. Lucas can't stop him. Nathan hangs onto the basket as he realises that he's won.)","(Nathan's feet hit the ground. Mouth, Deb and Haley scream with the rest of the crowd as they jump up delightedly and cheer for their lives.)","(The cheerleaders look on, stunned.)","(Lucas gapes as he looks around, unsure of what happened.)","(A crowd of people converge on Nathan and grab him in a many-armed hug. Nathan hugs his mother. He slaps hands with many people.)","(Peyton smiles happily.)","WHITEY: (To Dan and Karen.) Looks like Nathan's going to High Flyers after all.","(Whitey smirks and walks away. Karen and Dan don't say a word.)","KAREN: (Off Dan's look.) It's just a game, Dan. (Walks away.)","(Lucas looks at his father but Dan shakes his head and walks off. Lucas approaches Nathan and holds his hand out. Nathan looks down at his hand cautiously before shaking it.)","LUCAS: Good game. You deserve to go to that camp.","NATHAN: (Confused) Thanks.","LUCAS: You're gonna be OK. Just... (Smiles and bumps him on the shoulder.) come back to us soon. (Backs up and walks away.)","NATHAN: (Still confused.) What's that-?","HALEY: (Walks up to him.) They haven't invented words for how much I love you. (Smiles)","(Nathan smiles happily.)","HALEY: Doesn't look like I'll be needed this anymore. (Holds out her hand.)","(She drops the bracelet into his hand. He closes it and looks up at her.)","HALEY: Don't say I never gave you anything.","(She smiles and backs away too; leaving him there alone.)","(Nathan frowns and looks down at his hand. Close-up as he opens it to reveal, not the bracelet but Haley's wedding ring. He looks back up and everybody's gone. He is completely alone.)","NATHAN: (Looking around.) Haley?! (Looks down at the ring and then up again.) HALEY?! HALEY!?","(Birdseye view of Nathan as the camera slowly zooms out.)","NATHAN: (v.o) HALEY!?","WHITE FLASH TO:","[INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - NATHAN'S ROOM - EVENING]","(Camera pans down to Nathan who's in the bed with a tube in his nose.)","NATHAN: (Still dreaming.) Haley? Haley?!","(Lucas gets up from his chair and leans over Nathan.)","LUCAS: Hey, Nate?","(Nathan sighs and opens his eyes.)","LUCAS: (Quietly) Nate. (Nathan looks at him.) Hey, it's me. Don't worry. (Nathan is distressed.) It's OK, it's me.","(Nathan looks at his hand.)","LUCAS: Hey,... (Nathan glances back.) welcome back little brother. (Obviously pleased.)","(Nathan doesn't know what to say. Lucas smiles and shakes his head; pleased that his brother's OK.)","(The camera zooms out slowly as neither one says anything.)","FADE TO BLACK:","COMMERCIAL SET:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - NATHAN'S ROOM - EVENING]","(Lucas is back in the chair.)","LUCAS: How're you feeling?","NATHAN: Like I hit a brick wall.","(Lucas laughs and shakes his head.)","LUCAS: Well, the doc says you're gonna be fine.","(Nathan sighs heavily.)","LUCAS: (Long pause.) You know, what was this anyway, huh? Some sort of messed up... anything Lucas can do, I can do better?","NATHAN: No... you wanna hear something really messed up though? (Finding it hard to breathe.) I thought I died, went to heaven.","LUCAS: (Nodding) No kidding.","NATHAN: Yeah. (Pause) Only,... heaven was a place where... Dan chose your mom... over mine.","(Lucas looks away and laughs.)","NATHAN: Then Haley was tone-deaf.","(Lucas nods.)","NATHAN: But that was only a dream. I did kick your ass on one-on-one, though.","LUCAS: Well, I guess it was a dream then, huh? (Laughs)","(Nathan tries to laugh but it hurts too much. Lucas' smile falls as he thinks about how to phrase what he did.)","LUCAS: I know you... you asked me not to, but... I called Haley.","(Beat as Nathan looks at Lucas.)","LUCAS: She's your wife, Nate. And she loves you. She needed to know.","(Lucas waits for a reply but Nathan gives nothing.)","LUCAS: Nate? (Nathan faces him.) I have to ask you something. (Long pause.) When you hit the wall... (Shakes his head.) there was no brake marks on the track.","(Nathan just looks at him dispassionately.)","NATHAN: You're asking me if I did this on purpose?","(Lucas nods but there's no time for a reply as the door opens and Deb enters.)","DEB: Nathan(!)","(Lucas turns to look at her.)","DEB: (Shuts the door.) Oh, thank god(!)","(Lucas is disappointed as he makes to stand up.)","LUCAS: I'll let you two, uh... (Stands up.)","DEB: (Sighs as she takes Lucas' seat.) Nathan, I-","NATHAN: (Cutting her off.) I love you, mom. (Nods)","(Lucas makes a hasty exit. Deb sighs happily.)","NATHAN: I mean that. And I-I know I've been a jerk lately; to you, to everybody else.","(Deb touches his arm.)","NATHAN: (Looking at her.) I'm sorry.","DEB: You've been hurting.","NATHAN: It doesn't matter. (Pause) I know you're just trying to be a good mother.","(He reaches out and holds his hand open for her. Deb takes his hand and smiles happily, tears in her eyes. She stands and sits on the edge of his bed.)","DEB: I haven't been a good mother, Nathan. But that's going to change now.","NATHAN: (Looks at her confused.) What're you talking about?","DEB: ...I need to be stronger for you... and for myself. (Pause) So, while you're healing from this,... I'll be healing too. I promise you.","NATHAN: (Smiles) Whatever it is,... I got your back.","(They smile at each other.)","NATHAN: Do you ever... wonder what life would be like... if Dan had married Karen... and just stayed out of our lives?","DEB: (Pause) All the time. (Inhales) Why?","(Again, Nathan doesn't get to reply as the door opens and Dan enters. They look at him.)","DAN: Glad to see you're awake, son.","(Deb turns away from him. The tears have fallen over. Nathan just scowls at his father. Dan exits the room and Deb looks down. Nathan smiles at her.)","(Shot of their hands before the camera pans left.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. ROE RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - EVENING]","(There is less shredded paper on the bed and Brooke is still hard at work, sorting out every tedious little piece. She has almost finished piecing together the invoice. She smoothes it out with her fingers and looks at it closely.)","BROOKE: (Sighs) A receipt for a car.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - SEATING AREA - EVENING]","(Karen is on the phone, clearly upset. She looks at it and shuts the phone slowly. Whitey sees her and takes the seat beside her.)","WHITEY: Were you able to get in touch with Keith?","KAREN: (Shakes her head.) His voicemail is full. (Choked up.) He... needs to know what's happened to Nathan.","(Close-up of her distraught face.)","KAREN: But I... can't even leave him a message.","(Whitey puts his arm around her and she leans her head on his shoulder.)","KAREN: (In tears.) Where is he, Whitey?(!)","WHITEY: (Almost whispering.) I wish I knew.","(Karen cries on his shoulder as the camera panes right.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. BRIARWOOD RECOVERY CENTER - FRONT ENTRANCE - EVENING]","(Deb walks up to the clinic. Dan is behind her, watching with an indecently bright gleam in his eye.)","(She turns back to look at him.)","DAN: It's OK, Deb. I'll be here when you get out.","(Deb looks at him with as much pride as she can muster before pushing the door open and entering.)","(Shot of the sign which reads: 'BRIARWOOD RECOVERY CENTER: PRIVATE'.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - NATHAN'S ROOM - EVENING]","(Nathan is sitting - propped up - in the bed. Peyton and Brooke are on one side of the bed and Lucas is sitting at the other side, on the actual bed.)","NURSE: (o.s) Sorry guys, (They turn to look at her.) visiting hours are over. (Smiles)","LUCAS: (Turns back and smiles at Nathan.) You need anything?","NATHAN: No, I'm cool, man.","(Lucas pats him on the arm and stands. Peyton stands and kisses him on the head. Brooke kisses him on the cheek and smiles at him.)","NATHAN: (Amused) I know you both want me.","(Brooke and Peyton scoff at him.)","BROOKE: Yeah(!) In your dreams(!)","(Peyton mouths 'bye' and they walk to the door. Brooke waves and exits, Peyton smiles and exits, Lucas waves and exits. Nathan smiles. The nurse turns the lights off and closes the door.)","(With the streetlights as the only source of illumination, Nathan reaches over for the phone; wincing as he irritates his injuries. He sets the phone on his lap and sighs before lifting the receiver.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. AIRPORT - DEPARTURES - EVENING]","(A phone rings.)","HALEY: (Answering her ringing phone.) Hello?","(Haley is rushing to board a plane that will take her back to her husband.)","NATHAN: (Through the phone.) It's me, Nathan.","HALEY: (Obviously relieved.) Thank god(!) What happened? (Sets her bag down.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - NATHAN'S ROOM - EVENING]","NATHAN: I'm gonna be OK.","HALEY: (Through the phone.) Well, I'm glad.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. AIRPORT - DEPARTURES - EVENING]","HALEY: I'm coming home tomorrow, OK?","NATHAN: (Through the phone.) Actually-","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - NATHAN'S ROOM - EVENING]","NATHAN: -no, (Scoffs) it's not OK. (Pause) Don't come home, Haley.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. AIRPORT - DEPARTURES - EVENING]","HALEY: Nathan, I have to come home.","NATHAN: (Through the phone.) No, you don't.","(Her smile falls.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - NATHAN'S ROOM - EVENING]","NATHAN: You have to go after your dream; just like I have to go after mine. (Sighs) Coz if we don't, then,... we're just gonna end up regretting it... then we're gonna end up resenting each other.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. AIRPORT - DEPARTURES - EVENING]","HALEY: (Shocked) Nathan, I wouldn't-","NATHAN: (Through the phone.) Yeah, but we don't know that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - NATHAN'S ROOM - EVENING]","NATHAN: Nobody knows what's gonna happen.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. AIRPORT - DEPARTURES - EVENING]","(Haley listens to him, hurt and astounded.)","NATHAN: (Through the phone.) (Sighs) Whatever choice you make today,... is gonna affect the rest of your life.","(Haley can't reply.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - NATHAN'S ROOM - EVENING]","NATHAN: So,... don't come home, Haley.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. AIRPORT - DEPARTURES - EVENING]","HALEY: Nathan, listen...","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - NATHAN'S ROOM - EVENING]","(There's hurt evident on his face.)","NATHAN: Coz I don't want you to.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. AIRPORT - DEPARTURES - EVENING]","(Haley's eyes widen in shock, she can't believe it.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - NATHAN'S ROOM - EVENING]","(Nathan slowly hangs up the phone. He looks out of the window, desolate.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. AIRPORT - DEPARTURES - EVENING]","(Haley takes the phone from her ear and looks at it as if hoping that it will give her answers. She gapes at it.)","(Fade to the camera zooming out as Haley stands there. Finally, she bends down and picks up her guitar case, running her hands through her hair.)"],"Show Title":"One Tree Hill","Episode Number":"02x20","Episode Title":"Lifetime Piling Up","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"One_Tree_Hill_03x02.json","Recap":["Brooke has an end of the summer party on the beach. Nathan is home from basketball camp. Lucas deals with Brooke's rules for non-exclusive dating. Brooke ends up having a ball with many guys whereas Lucas spends the night alone and then tells Brooke that he is the one for her, which marks the beginning of his mission to become exclusive. Peyton deals with family issues, by confronting her mom about her drug problem, after Lucas witnesses her buying. Haley tries to tell Nathan how she feels, however he is not ready for a relationship yet and is still angry with her. This episode is named after a song by The Cure ."],"Transcript":["LUCAS: (v.o) Previously on One Tree Hill.","[EXT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - EVENING]","(Peyton opens the door to Ellie.)","ELLIE: My name is Elizabeth. I'm your mother.","(Peyton gapes.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE DOCK - DAY]","(Peyton stands in front of her father.)","PEYTON: Is this woman my mother?","LARRY: Your mom is gone, Peyton... but... your biological mother is alive.","(Peyton looks up in surprise.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DAVIS SCOTT RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY]","BROOKE: You and Haley fighting?","PEYTON: My problem is with anybody who just vanishes and then waltzes back in and expects to be instantly forgiven(!)","(Brooke looks back in slight surprise.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - DAY]","(Brooke takes her things out of the closet.)","BROOKE: You know, we could totally have a summer-like fling, just... in the fall.","(Lucas is kneeling by the bed.)","BROOKE: And... non-exclusive.","(Lucas inclines his head.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - NATHAN'S BEDROOM - EVENING]","(Haley is speaking to Nathan in his bedroom.)","HALEY: There wasn't a moment when I was away... that my heart wasn't with you in Tree Hill.","NATHAN: I'm going to High Flyers, and unlike you, I'm taking my heart with me.","(Haley blinks.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - DAY]","(Nathan confronts Lucas.)","NATHAN: We're not brothers. We're not even friends.","(Lucas squints.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE CHURCH - CONFESSIONAL - EVENING]","(Dan sits in the confessional, confessing to sins he intends to commit.)","DAN: Three months ago, someone tried to kill me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING]","(Shot of someone flicking a lighter on and throwing it onto the alcohol. The flames race along.)","DAN: (v.o) And when I find out who did this to me-","(Dan falls out of the chair, suddenly conscious.)","DAN: (v.o) -and I will find out soon...","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. THE CHURCH - CONFESSIONAL - EVENING]","DAN: (Glaring angrily.) -the sins I commit then could turn this place to rubble(!)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING]","(Dan is lying on the floor as the fire burns. The camera pans down to his hand, holding the burned note. Close-up of the words: 'For everything you've done'.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - EVENING]","(Lucas holds the same note and looks at it.)","FADE TO BLACK:","END OF PREVIOUSLY ON:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE BEACH - DAY]","(The camera moves along the beach.)","LUCAS: (v.o) Henry David Thoreau once wrote: 'Live each season as it passes;-","(Lucas is standing on the beach, alone. He is building a large circle out of big rocks.)","LUCAS: (v.o) -breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit-","(He drops the rock into place.)","LUCAS: (v.o) -and resign yourself to the influences of each.'","(He claps the sand off his hands.)","DAN: (o.s) Well, well-","(Lucas looks up with a frown.)","DAN: (o.s) -look who's starting a fire.","(Dan moves into the shot. Lucas doesn't speak. Dan smirks and continues jogging. Lucas picks up another rock and drops it - finishing the circle.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY]","(Peyton is splayed across her bed, sleeping with her mouth half open. She wakes up to sounds in her room. She sits up in bed and looks to her closet. Brooke is standing there with a grin on her face.)","BROOKE: Rise and shine.","(Brooke writes something on the door.)","PEYTON: Nice of you to knock.","BROOKE: I didn't wanna wake you, Sleeping Bitchy(!) Besides, I had to get the list ready.","PEYTON: What list?","(Brooke opens both of the closet doors wide.)","BROOKE: (Grinning) This list.","(One door has Brooke's name on it and the other has Peyton's. Under their names is a list of boy's and men's names. Brooke is very pleased with herself.)","PEYTON: (Apprehensive) What is that exactly?","BROOKE: Since you and I are both officially available again and tonight is the end-of-summer beach party, which means partial of not total naked nudity, (Grabs Peyton's toothbrush from her bathroom.) I have made a list of all the available guys so that we can avoid the pain and hardship of another 'Lucas love triangle'.","(Brooke gives Peyton the toothbrush and Peyton puts it into her mouth before getting off the bed and trying to talk coherently.)","PEYTON: (Mumbles unintelligible words while walking into the bathroom.)","BROOKE: (Confused) Ok, I'm sorry, I didn't get any of that. Did you just say something about me puking in a rave?","(Peyton washes her mouth out and pauses.)","PEYTON: (Sticking her head out.) I said 'the Lucas you're supposedly dating'.","BROOKE: (Shrugs while smirking.) Non-exclusively.","PEYTON: (Rolls her eyes.) Huh.","BROOKE: What 'huh'? I have dated multiple guys before(!)","PEYTON: Yeah, I know. In fact, you are queen of the multiple-boy dating scenario, I'm just surprised you're doing it with Lucas.","(Brooke shrugs again.)","BROOKE: Well, you know what they say; when it comes to boys, I'm full of surprises.","(Peyton walks out of her bathroom.)","PEYTON: But I thought you were the new, responsible, (She slaps her on the arse.) Brooke(!)","BROOKE: Eurgh, so last season - responsible Brooke is good but party Brooke is gooder. (Walks back to the door.) Check it out; I get Lucas, Mouth, half the guys on the team - I put my first choices her but we can totally mix and match, any and all lifeguards, Nathan's uncle Cooper's so hot, Larry-","PEYTON: (Interrupts) Whoa(!) Larry, like... my dad Larry?","BROOKE: (Unabashed) Of course, he's my hot dad fantasy(!)","(Peyton groans and lies back down on her bed.)","BROOKE: Peyton, he is a total dilf(!) And besides (Points to a name on Peyton's list.) I gave you Dan.","(Peyton makes a face at her.)","BROOKE: And I get Dave Grohl from the 'Foo Fighters'.","(Peyton flops back onto the bed.)","BROOKE: You get; (Points them out.) Jake - as promised, Nathan - but he comes with an asterisk because nobody knows what the hell is going on with him and Haley in 'high school married' limbo, the other half of the guys on the team, Anna - because... well... you never know, and she was totally into you, and all the Rivercourt boys - Skills, Fergie and Garbage.","(She looks at Peyton proudly. Peyton looks at her exasperatedly.)","PEYTON: Junk.","BROOKE: (Abashed) ...Right(!) And finally, the rest of the Foo Fighters.","PEYTON: (Whining) Why do you get Dave Grohl, I want Dave Grohl(!)","BROOKE: No way!","PEYTON: So I get a fugitive and a married guy(!)","BROOKE: (Considering before rolling her eyes and sighing.) Fine. You take Dave Grohl, I'm taking Anna.","PEYTON: Deal.","BROOKE: Deal. (Starts to walk out.) OK. Nighty-night, thanks, bye(!)","(She rushes out of Peyton's room.)","(Peyton gapes at her before collapsing back onto her bed.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - DAY]","(Birds-eye shot of the basketball hoop. A basketball goes through it before Nathan appears under the camera. He grabs the ball and puts it through again. Lucas walks onto the court.)","LUCAS: You're back.","NATHAN: (Turns to look at him.) Maybe. (Pause) Maybe you're just high and seeing things.","LUCAS: (Rolls his eyes.) So I guess you're still pissed at me. Which, personally, I think is crap. But you tell me... are we friends?","NATHAN: Tell you what; I'll play you for it. Game to eleven. (Throws the ball at Lucas.) Make or take it. For our friendship.","(Lucas frowns before sighing and walking properly onto the court. They pause as they get ready. Lucas waits before jumping and trying to shoot the ball. Nathan jumps and grabs it from him before it leaves his hand.)","(Nathan shoots and scores. Lucas throws the ball back at him and tries to stop him but it doesn't work. Nathan feints and gets another basket. Lucas takes the ball again and gives it back to Nathan. Nathan shows off for a few moments - dribbling the ball between his legs - before shooting and scoring again. Lucas gives the ball back and Nathan gets another basket.)","(There is a succession of shots as Nathan keeps scoring whilst Lucas gets nothing. Nathan gets the last basket and wins.)","NATHAN: (Turns back.) Game.","(Lucas is too tired to respond. Nathan leaves the ball and walks away.)","LUCAS: We're you going?!","NATHAN: You lost. Guess that means we're still not friends.","(Lucas lets Nathan leave. He breathes harshly and looks at the basketball hoop. The camera zooms out.)","FADE TO BLACK:","END OF TEASER: OPENING CREDITS ROLL:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - BROOKE AND HALEY'S BEDROOM - DAY]","(The room is purple and red, looking a lot like the inside of a genie's lamp. Haley is sitting in a far corner on a small bed with her head in her hands.)","BROOKE: (o.s) Hiya, new roommate(!)","(Brooke walks in holding two cups of coffee.)","BROOKE: Getting all moved in?","HALEY: Uh,... with the six feet that you gave me, yeah, sure.","BROOKE: Good. (Hands a cup of coffee over.)","HALEY: Thank you.","BROOKE: (Looks at Haley's hand.) Hey, great idea(!) (Walks to a couch and sits down.)","HALEY: (Confused) What?","BROOKE: Wearing your wedding ring. It's like a total aphrodisiac for some guys(!)","HALEY: I just needed to be an aphrodisiac for one guy.","BROOKE: Why, do you have a new guy?!","HALEY: (Pause) For Nathan, Brooke.","(Brooke takes a moment to digest this.)","BROOKE: I see, about him, I notice you haven't unpacked. Little naive, don't you think?","HALEY: No, (Shakes her head.) no. I'm just... stalling. I mean, it's like, if I unpack, my split with Nathan will be... more real.","BROOKE: I hate to say it but it's real enough already.","HALEY: Yeah. (Sighs and pauses before beginning to groan in sadness.)","BROOKE: OK, no, no, none of that(!) (Stands and walks to Haley's bed.) Come here, I have a surprise for you.","(Haley moans and Brooke grabs her hand, pulling her off the bed.)","BROOKE: Come on, come on, this'll be fun(!)","(She pulls Haley out of the room.)","BROOKE: This is totally gonna cheer you up(!)","(She drags Haley into the living room which is now purple and decorated into more of the genie's lamp style.)","HALEY: (Looks around, shocked.) Whoa! Wh-ah! This is amazing! When did you do this?!","BROOKE: Last night while you were sleeping. You totally sleep like a dead person(!)","HALEY: (Slaps her on the arm.) Shut up. (Brooke laughs.) This looks awesome.","BROOKE: Thanks. By the way, I'm kinda gonna need to ask for... next months rent now coz I sorta spent this months rent on the couch and the rugs and things. (Looks at Haley apprehensively.)","HALEY: (Grinning) OK. Although, you really shouldn't have to pay for this stuff yourself. I mean, we're roommates now, I'll go half.","BROOKE: (Pleased) Really?","HALEY: (Nods) Yeah.","BROOKE: Oh, I was hoping you'd say that coz I kind of ate half your rainbow sherbet last night while I was hanging the wall mural.","HALEY: (Smiles) Where'd you get it, anyway?","BROOKE: (Looking at her as though she's thick.) The freezer.","HALEY: The wall mural.","BROOKE: (Getting it.) Oh, Peyton made it for me. It's the French Riviera. (Smiles)","HALEY: Gosh, I haven't talked to Peyton in like... forever. (Brooke's smile falls.) Lucas filled me in on her mom situation. What the heck?","BROOKE: (Uneasily) Yeah, the mom situation's on high-alert right now coz Ellie-mom's back in town.","HALEY: How's Peyton taking it?","BROOKE: (Unsure of what to say.) Well...-","(There's a beep on the laptop.)","BROOKE: There she is now. She's sending me a last minute flyer for the party tonight(!) (Rushes to the laptop excitedly.) Speaking of which - you are not allowed to sulk tonight.","HALEY: (Offended) I don't sulk!","BROOKE: You sulk! You're a sulker. But tonight, you're gonna have fun. After all, it's a party. It's supposed to be (Looks at the picture and her eyes widen.) dark and depressing!","(The picture says 'End of summer beach party: 9pm' on it but the pictures are of demons dancing around a bonfire.)","BROOKE: Well, you asked how she's talking it. There you go.","GRAPHIC MATCH TO:","[EXT. CAF\u00c9 - DAY]","(Peyton is sitting in front of her laptop. It has the same picture on it that Brooke's does. She looks at it. A waitress shows Ellie to one of the seats behind Peyton. Peyton looks back and spots her. She shuts the laptop and walks to Ellie.)","(Ellie smiles as Peyton sits.)","ELLIE: Hi, Peyton.","(Peyton doesn't offer a smile. She just glares at her.)","ELLIE: Last time I saw you, you were slamming a door in my face.","PEYTON: So, let's have it.","ELLIE: What's that?","PEYTON: The heart wrenching yet inspirational tale of a young girl's complex decision to part with the daughter she desperately loves.","ELLIE: Actually, it's not that complex. At the time I got pregnant, I liked drugs more than I liked you. That's it.","(Peyton looks at Ellie, realising how close she was to becoming that very person.)","ELLIE: (Leans forward.) I'm a different person now, Peyton. (Pause) But those decisions are still mine. I can't change that.","PETON: And what, so you... you just come to make peace with yourself? (Nods) That is so screwed up(!) You can't just... crawl outta your hole after seventeen years and cause a plague like some kinda locust(!)","ELLIE: For what it's worth, I crawled outta my hole a long time ago. (Pause) Your father wouldn't let me see you.","PEYTON: I don't believe you.","(Ellie smiles and looks off into the distance.)","ELLIE: You used to sit under a bridge by the river.","(Peyton looks away, shocked.)","ELLIE: You and a brunette girl who wore... a little too much eye make-up for a ten year old.","(Ellie nods and Peyton can't respond.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - BACK YARD - DAY]","(Peyton pushes the back door open and stalks out to her father.)","PEYTON: She tried to see me! (Stops in front of him as he fixes the lawnmower.) Like seven years ago, but you sent her away!","LARRY: (Sets the wrench down.) That's right.","PEYTON: How could you do that?!","LARRY; Because I'm your dad and it was my call.","PEYTON: Unbelievable(!)","(She walks away.)","LARRY: Peyton-","PEYTON: FORGET IT!","LARRY: PEYTON!","(Peyton runs back into the house and slams the door behind her. Larry angrily drops his tools and turns to the house.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY]","(Larry walks into Peyton's room. She's in her closet.)","LARRY: Hey! I understand you're upset but don't be slamming doors and stomping your little chicken ass around this house while I am talking with you. I am still you father.","PEYTON: (Turns around.) But you're not my father, are you?!","(He pauses and Peyton walks to her records.)","LARRY: When Ellie gave you up, she agreed not to see you. Had your mother lived, we would have told you. It would have been up to you.","(Peyton grabs a record.)","LARRY: But when she died, I decided it would be too hard, too confusing for you. Maybe that was a mistake.","PEYTON: (Almost crying as she nods.) Maybe it was a mistake. (Pause) You know what, dad (Pulls out the Dashboard Confessional record.) this, this is you, OK?","(She smashes the record against the doorframes and it breaks into a lot of pieces.)","PEYTON: Kinda of a broken record lately, don't you think?!","(She drops the record and replaces the now empty record cover.)","(Larry walks closer to her.)","LARRY: You know, Peyton, one of these days you're gonna grow up... and you won't have all the answers.","(Peyton sighs and turns away.)","LARRY: You weren't even ten years old when Ellie showed up. She had a drug habit, she moved around a lot it wasn't even a year after your mother had died and you were in a pretty rough place - emotionally. (Pause) And if you ask me, you still are.","(Peyton turns to argue but he cuts across her.)","LARRY: And guess what, so am I. I could not... risk exposing you to her. No way. Not then.","(He turns and walks away.)","PEYTON: Fine(!) Fine, not then, OK. But what about some time in - oh, I don't know - the last eight years?! (Pause) What about then?! (Pause) Or like... what about now?","LARRY: (Looks at her.) I suppose now is up to you.","(They look at each other before he walks out and shuts the door behind him. Peyton holds back from crying.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DAVIS SCOTT RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - DAY]","(Lucas enters the apartment and looks slightly confused.)","LUCAS: (Looking down.) Hey, you.","BROOKE: (Grins) Hey back atcha!","LUCAS: 1972's outside and it wants its furniture back.","BROOKE: (Stands from her chair.) You mock but you don't know. (Drags him like she did Haley.) Try out the couch.","(He sits and pats it.)","LUCAS: Nice.","(Brooke smiles.)","BROOKE: No. (She straddles his lap.) I said... try out the couch.","(They kiss.)","LUCAS: (Pause) I like this couch.","BROOKE: (Nods) I thought you would.","(She kisses him again. Haley enters the room.)","HALEY: Oh, waaay too early in the day for me to see this.","BROOKE: (Laughs) Well what hour would you prefer to watch us?","HALEY: (Laughs) How about never o'clock? Or maybe, ah, I don't know, quarter after stab-out-my-eyes. Either one's really good for me. (Shuts the refrigerator.)","(Brooke laughs.)","HALEY: By the way, that couch has not been stain guarded yet. You may wanna get a room instead. (She takes a glass out of the cupboard.)","BROOKE: Well, of we get a room, then you're gonna be stuck on this stainy couch.","HALEY: (Walks to the counter.) That's a good point.","(Brooke turns back to Lucas.)","BROOKE: Give me a minute. We'll go to the beach.","(Brooke gets off the couch and leaves them too it.)","(Lucas sits there uncomfortably.)","LUCAS: Brooke asked me to help her out.","HALEY: And by Brooke you mean... your part-time girlfriend, Brooke?","(He shuts the front door.)","LUCAS: We're gonna set up for the end-of-summer thing.","HALEY: (Nods) Hmm, what's up with that anyway?","LUCAS: (Frowns) Well, you see, there's a season called summer, Haley, and when that ends, another season called fall starts right up.","(Haley mock glares at him and he smiles.)","HALEY: Oh, OK, rephrasing - what's up with the part-time girlfriend stuff?","LUCAS: (Pause) I don't know yet. Right now, we're on Brooke's terms.","HALEY: Hmm.","LUCAS: But I'll keep you posted.","HALEY: (Sarcastically) Oh, gee, thanks.","LUCAS: I also came to check on you. You know, I was worried about you. Nathan was in a pretty bad mood this morning - at the Rivercourt.","(Haley stops and lowers the glass.)","LUCAS: I thought that might have something to do with you.","HALEY: (Pause) Nathan's home?","LUCAS: (Pause) You... didn't know he was back?","(Haley waits for a second before setting the glass down, clearly hurt.)","HALEY: No. No I didn't.","LUCAS: I'm sorry, Haley.","(Haley turns around and opens the closet door.)","LUCAS: I thought you knew.","(She slings her bag over her shoulder.)","HALEY: Can you just, um,... tell Brooke that I'll... see her tonight?","(She smiles tightly and walks past him. Lucas watches her before turning back to look at Nathan's 'pain stain'.)","FADE TO BLACK:","COMMERCIAL SET:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - DAY]","(Haley rings the doorbell and waits. Dan opens the door and acquires his patented expression.)","DAN: Well, well, if it isn't my beloved daughter-in-law.","(Haley enters the house and Dan shuts the door behind her. She sighs.)","DAN: Haley, so nice of you to come by and check on me following my accident.","(He walks into the living room.)","DAN: Oh, by the way, I think I found a pair of your black gloves. Leather, right?","HALEY: (Completely confused.) Uh,... No, I-I don't own any... black gloves, Mr. Scott. (She looks around.)","DAN: I know your parents aren't around... so call me dad.","(Haley looks at him as if he's lost it.)","HALEY: I'd really just like to see Nathan.","DAN: He didn't tell you he was coming home.","(Haley doesn't answer but its answer enough for Dan.)","DAN: (Indecently pleased.) Sometimes I'm so proud of that kid(!)","(He turns around and walks to his alcohol.)","DAN: Can I fix you a drink?","(Haley shakes her head.)","DAN: I hear you rock stars are big drinkers, right?","(He picks up a bottle and tests the rim to see if there's any white residue on it before pouring some.)","DAN: Well,... suit yourself.","HALEY: Deb said you moved out.","DAN: Yeah, sucks, huh? (Sits on the couch.) My marriage is over. (Pauses before smiling at her.) Who knew you and I would have so much in common after all?","HALEY: Could you please just tell Nathan that I'm here?","DAN: (Plainly) Oh, he's not home.","(Haley looks at him before standing abruptly and walking a few steps. She looks back at him, shakes her head slightly and walks out of the room - straight backed.)","(The door opens and closes as Dan smiles.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE RIVERWALK - RIVERSIDE - DAY]","(Shot of the bridge before panning left to Ellie who is leaning on the bars, looking out over the sea.)","LARRY: We had an agreement! (He walks into the shot.)","ELLIE: (Looks at him.) Hi, Larry. Long time.","LARRY: Not long enough(!) You'll forgive me if I skip the love and go straight to the 'you gotta lot of nerve' part. Peyton is a real mess right now.","ELIIE: Well, I'm sorry about that.","LARRY: You caused it.","ELLIE: No, I think you caused it by not telling her about me.","LARRY: Don't even go there, Ellie! You agreed to stay away.","ELLIE: (Angrily) YEAH, WELL THINGS CHANGE!","(Larry looks at her knowingly and she looks away, abashed.)","ELLIE: You have a right to be pissed. I said I'd stay away but my situation has changed, and now, I would like to get to know Peyton. (Pause) With your blessing of course.","LARRY: That is not going to happen. (Pause) You gave her up... you have to live with that. (He stops just before leaving.) And now, thanks to your change of heart, so does Peyton.","(He starts to walk away.)","LARRY: Stay away from us.","(Ellie turns back after he leaves and sighs. She's torn.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE BEACH - UNLIT BONFIRE - DAY]","(Camera travels up the unlit bonfire to Lucas and Brooke who are throwing sticks into the circle, ready to light it.)","BROOKE: You think this is enough?","LUCAS: For a campfire. (They stand back with hands on hips.) Not a bonfire. I'll get some more before I pick you up, alright?","BROOKE: Oh,... (Embarrassed) I was... thinking about riding in with Peyton and... playing the field tonight.","(Lucas laughs and looks down, taking his sunglasses off.)","LUCAS: (Not looking at her.) The field, (Nods) right.","BROOKE: We said non-exclusive.","LUCAS: Yes, I know, but...","(Brooke puts her hands back on her hips, smiles and waits for him to explain.)","LUCAS: Well, I'm not sure you're gonna be able to handle this whole 'non-exclusive' thing.","BROOKE: (Gapes at him before laughing.) Oh-ho(!) You don't say?","LUCAS: Well, I mean, you know, pretty soon you're obviously gonna fall me and then you're gonna have to break up with all those other guys and that's just gonna get ugly.","BROOKE: (Playing along.) I see.","(She pauses before looking at him.)","LUCAS: (Hands up.) Just looking out for ya.","BROOKE: Well thanks, I think I'll be fine.","LUCAS: (Semi seriously.) You're sure?","BROOKE: I'm sure.","(Lucas smiles but doesn't argue.)","BROOKE: Well, since the work's done, (Pulls her top off.) I think I'm gonna go for a little swim.","(She has a bathing suit on underneath.)","BROOKE: You, uh... wanna come and look out for me some more?","LUCAS: (Watches her.) Sure. (Pause) I'll catch you up.","BROOKE: K.","(She turns and runs at the sea, turning back briefly before carrying on.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KAREN'S CAF\u00c9 - COUNTER - DAY]","(Close-up of a cake in its jar. The camera pans right so the front door is visible. Lucas enters.)","LUCAS: (Walking to Karen.) Hey, what's up, mom?","KAREN: Can I ask you a question?","LUCAS: Yeah, sure.","KAREN: (Looks down and reads from the newly decorated table.) What does 'whoot' mean?","LUCAS: (Laughs) 'Whoot?'","KAREN: Yeah, you know, I have this hip new caf\u00e9 I need to be sure that my vocabulary is current. (Smiles)","LUCAS: Right. Well, uh, 'whoot' would be like... (Thinks) 'yahoo'.","KAREN: Oh, OK, so I would go like (Pause) 'WHOOT'!","(Lucas jumps back slightly in surprise.)","LUCAS: No, (Looks around embarrassedly.) mom. You would never go like that and as a matter of fact, never do that again.","(Karen laughs.)","KAREN: But, if 'whoot' is 'yahoo', (Looks over his shoulder.) then what is 'what-what'?","LUCAS: (Laughs) You wanna know the difference between 'whoot' and 'what-what'?","KAREN: Yeah, you know, like (Makes some really dodgy hand movements.) 'WHAT-WHAAAT!'","LUCAS: (Mortified) Mom,... (Shakes his head.) seriously. (Pause) Never again.","(He points at her as she moves away with the dirty dishes.)","LUCAS: You gotta lay off the hip-hop. This is Andy's influence, isn't it?","(Karen walks to the counter and Lucas follows her.)","LUCAS: When's he coming back anyway?","KAREN: (Evasively) Well, I'm not so sure that he is coming back.","LUCAS: Why not?","KAREN: Because, Lucas,... Andy wanted kids. He wanted to start a family and I'm... not sure that I want the same.","LUCAS: Oh, so, what, your first kid was soooo rotten that I scared you from trying again?","KAREN: Essentially yes, that's it. (Laughs)","(Lucas squints at her in mock betrayal.)","KAREN: Andy's a wonderful guy. He deserves a family.","(Lucas looks at her to continue.)","KAREN: And... then there's Keith.","LUCAS: What about Keith?","KAREN: Well I've been... thinking about him a lot. (Pause) As a matter of fact I, uh, thought I saw him in town the day I left for New Zealand. You know, the day of the fire at Dan's dealership.","(Lucas absorbs that information. His eyebrows draw together and he gets fidgety.)","LUCAS: You know, maybe I should go. (He gets up.) Gotta lot of errands to run before this beach party tonight.","KAREN: (Fake deep voice.) End-of-the-summer beach party, what-whaaaat! (Makes the dodgy hands movements again.)","(Lucas stops at the door and pauses for a moment before looking back, smiling at her, and walking out.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - DAY]","(Nathan is pushing weights in the gym. Haley enters.)","HALEY: Hey.","(Nathan sighs and sets the bar on its hooks. He sits up.)","HALEY: I saw your car. I... I didn't know you were home.","NATHAN: (Pauses) Yeah, I know. (Dabs the sweat off his face with a towel.)","HALEY: Did you get the letters I sent?","NATHAN: (Sighs heavily again.) Yeah. (Wipes his arms.)","HALEY: It's good to see you.","NATHAN: Look, Haley, I can't do this, alright?","HALEY: What? You can't do what? You can't talk to me? (Walks closer to him.)","(He doesn't face her or answer her.)","HALEY: You didn't even tell me you were home, Nathan. What were you gonna do, pass me in the hallway at school and not say a word?","NATHAN: (Stands) I didn't even know of you'd be in school(!)","HALEY: I told you, I'm back for good.","(He looks down.)","HALEY: Anyway, um,... I don't know if you heard but I'm staying in our apartment. (Laughs) Brooke rented it and asked me to be her roommate.","NATHAN: (Raises his eyebrows.) You and Brooke, huh?","HALEY: (Smiling) Yeah. I did not see that coming. Oh, by the way, if this basketball thing doesn't work out, you may have a future as a painter. (Looks at him pointedly.)","(Nathan realises what she's talking about and looks down again. Haley just smiles.)","HALEY: Nathan,... we have some decisions to make.","NATHAN: Yeah,... yeah, we do.","HALEY: (Whispering) Yeah.","(Close-up of her hands as she plays with her wedding ring.)","HALEY: Well, um,... I guess I'll... hit the beach tonight. End-of-summer party.","(Nathan smiles and puts his bottle aside.)","NATHAN: (Whispers) OK.","(Haley walks to the doors and looks back. Nathan goes back to his weights and takes them off the pole.)","HALEY: You've changed.","NATHAN: Yeah. (Pulls weights off.) I guess I have you to thank for that.","(Haley sighs and leaves.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE RIVERWALK - SHOPS - DAY]","(Ellie is standing outside, talking to a tall kid. She slips him some money. He looks around, making sure nobody's watching.)","(Lucas stands in the distance, watching them. He pulls his earphones off in the hopes of hearing what they're saying. He frowns as he sees the guy slip something into her hand under the pretence of shaking it. Ellie walks past him and spots Lucas watching.)","(Lucas looks away. Ellie pauses before carrying on to wherever she's going. Lucas turns around and walks away.)","FADE TO BLACK:","[SCENE_BREAK]","COMMERCIAL SET:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY]","(A door closes off-screen. The camera pans right to Peyton who is on her bed, sorting through her records. Brooke walks into her room.)","BROOKE: (Frowning) OK, not exactly your finest hour in party attire but who knows, somebody might go for the homeless girl look.","PEYTON: You know I don't even wanna go to this thing.","BROOKE: I know, but because Mouth is throwing himself his own personal pity-party over Erica Marsh, you P. Sawyer, as you know, are my DJ.","(Peyton groans and turns to her.)","BROOKE: Besides, this is the last end-of-summer beach party we're gonna have before we're seniors. (Pouts)","PEYTON: Oh, come on, you know you're gonna have another chance next year after you flunk out and have to repeat a grade(!)","BROOKE: See, that's the spirit! (Her smiles falls.) Sort of. (Peyton nods.) Little mean but it's a start. Speaking of mean; please don't be to Haley tonight, OK? Let's party. (Slaps her on the arm.)","(Peyton carries her basket of records and follows Brooke out.)","BROOKE: Come on.","(They walk out. Camera pans to Peyton's bed where there are still a few records lying in a pile.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE BEACH - THE PARTY - DAY]","(Pan up from a sandcastle where the drinks are being served from. A guy hands them out. Tim runs across the frame to Brooke.)","TIM: It's about time(!)","(Brooke frowns at him.)","TIM: (Holding a box and jumping around.) Can we light the bonfire now?! Can we? Can we?","BROOKE: Oh, look, it's Tim. I had a dream you died. Darn(!)","(Tim looks into his box.)","TIM: Look, check it out; I brought some really cool stuff to burn. I got, um,... cleaning supplies, some army men, some rotten fruit. Oh, and there's this dead animal down the beach that would burn really cool.","BROOKE: Come to think of it, Tim, you might burn really cool. Let's sacrifice a virgin.","TIM: (Clueless) Sweet(!) Like who?","(Brooke just looks at him. A siren sounds and Tim drops his box.)","TIM: CRAP, COPS!","(He smacks the cups out of a line of big, tough looking, half naked, guys and stands beside them, arms crossed. Two guys approach them.)","GUY 1: Hey, Brooke, what's going on? You got cups for us?","BROOKE: (Smiles) Sure, boys, right this way.","(They follow her and the guys look at Tim, completely pissed off.)","TIM: (Picking up their cups for them.) I'm sorry, I thought they were five-oh, I- (Picks up each cup and gives them back to the people.) I-I'm sure there's still... (Points) some...","(He turns and runs away.)","(Camera pans along to shots of random people having fun.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. BEACH HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - EVENING]","(Dan is sitting in a recliner, reading the fire investigation report that was made for the fire in the dealership. He frowns and flips another page. The one word that sticks out is 'ACCIDENTAL'. It is not being treated as arson. The last line reads: 'This fire investigation is CLOSED'.)","(Dan leans back and flashes on the fire again.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING]","(The fire covers the place. All of the shapes are blurry. Camera pans hard right to a pile of flames. Focus on Dan's face as he opens his eyes and sees a blurry figure approaching him.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE BEACH - THE PARTY - EVENING]","(Shot of a burning torch.)","BROOKE: (o.s) People have had fire rituals (Pan down to Brooke holding the torch.) since the beginning of time. (Pause) For some people it's witchcraft; for others, religion; but for us, it marks the beginning of our senior year!","(Everybody raises their cups and yells in approval. Lucas and Haley look at each other.)","BROOKE: I know we have to go back to school soon, but tonight, as long as this fire burns, summer is still ours.","(Brooke lowers the torch onto the bonfire and the flames spread quickly over the accelerant. The crowd roars again. Brooke sticks the touch into the ground and turns to Peyton. Peyton nods her head, earphone to her ears and puts the music on.)","(The crowd's enthusiasm dies painfully as they hear the sad, slow song Peyton puts on. Brooke turns around, exasperated and completely annoyed. She walks away without complaining.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. KAREN'S CAF\u00c9 - DINING AREA - EVENING]","(Dan walks across the caf\u00e9 and straight to Karen.)","KAREN: Look who it is - the kissing bandit. Did you fondle anyone while I was away?","DAN: I should apologise. I won't, (Grins) but I should. That kiss was a reckless mistake. (Pause) Sorta like Lucas. (Sits down.)","(Karen watches his every move closely.)","DAN: That was a joke.","KAREN: Funny(!) No wonder you're getting a divorce. (Harshly wipes the counter in front of him.) How's that going, by the way?","DAN: Why, you ready for round two?","KAREN: (Makes a face and coughs a little.) Sorry, I just... threw up a little in my mouth. (Smiles)","DAN: Can I just have a coffee, please?","KAREN: Sure, just... let me spit in it first. (Smirks and turns her back.)","DAN: Or, maybe you could drug it.","(Karen stops but doesn't turn back to him.)","DAN: You know, Karen, as I recall, you were pretty angry with me the day of the fire.","(Karen scoffs and pours the coffee.)","KAREN: You know what, Dan? (Turns back with a smile.) You looking for people who were pretty angry with you, you might start at 'A', in the phonebook.","DAN: You mean 'A' as in Andy? (Pause) Or maybe 'B', as in Boozy. (Pause) What do we hear from rag doll Keith these days anyway?","KAREN: What're you trying to say? The fire wasn't an accident?","DAN: Why? (Pause) Is that what you're saying?","KAREN: ...You know what, I think I'm gonna play the old 'right to refuse service' card. You can get out. (Points to the door.)","DAN: You said I could have a coffee.","KAREN: Well, let's just call that a... reckless mistake.","DAN: Hmm, fair enough. (Pause) Say hi to Andy for me. (Stands) That is if you ever see the little guy again.","KAREN: You know what? If someone... did try to kill ya, I'm sorry they failed, Dan.","(Camera zooms in on his annoyed face.)","KAREN: (Smirking cruelly.) Maybe next time they won't. (Pause) Whoever they were.","(Karen smiles and Dan walks out of the caf\u00e9. The camera focuses on Karen's conspiratorial expression.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE BEACH - THE PARTY - EVENING]","(Tim is sitting down. People are there but are wearing sickened expressions. He is naked with only a guitar covering his privates.)","TIM: (Singing) # Who wants to swim,","With naked Tim? Who wants to get drunk, And have s*x with him? #","(The girls turn and leave. One woman stops to look at him, her hand on her belly.)","TIM: (Frowning) I know they call it skinny dipping but... you wanna try anyway?","GIRL: I'm pregnant you idiot(!)","(She continues walking past him as he thinks.)","TIM: I'm cool with that!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE BEACH - LIFEGUARD TOWER - EVENING]","(Lucas is leaning against the lifeguard tower, watching the party from the distance. He watches Brooke as she talks to about four different guys, laughing and enjoying herself. Haley comes up from behind.)","HALEY: Hey, (Lucas looks at her.) how's that... casual dating thing working out for ya?","LUCAS: So-so.","HALEY: Could be worse - Nathan didn't even show up(!)","(She walks past him, depressed.)","(Lucas looks at her before looking back at Brooke. He turns his back and walks to Peyton.)","(Peyton's drinking from her cup.)","LUCAS: I don't blame ya.","PEYTON: What's that?","LUCAS: This music. (Pause) It's enough to drive anyone to drink.","(Peyton turns away and drops the earphones.)","LUCAS: Mom stuff?","PEYTON: I don't know. I don't feel like I owe Ellie a thing. You know? But... I still feel guilty sometimes; for freezing her out.","LUCAS: Yeah?","PEYTON: I mean, is trusting someone always gonna be impossible in my life? (Pause) Maybe I should at least try with her.","(Lucas looks away, holding it back.)","PEYTON: (Looks at him.) I see that look again.","LUCAS: What look? I don't have a look.","PEYTON: Dude,... you've got a tell the size of JLO's ass. (Lucas looks away and scratches his head.) Whaddaya got on Ellie?","(Lucas tries to say it but he can't.)","PEYTON: Luke,... if I'm a bout to make a huge mistake, please just... help me out.","(Lucas waits.)","LUCAS: The thing is... I saw her buying drugs in the park today, I'm sorry.","(Peyton looks down.)","PEYTON: Oh, god(!) (Pause) You know what, it... it makes all the sense in the world, you know? She said she was clean but so far all she's done is lie anyway, so...","(Both of them look down - equally depressed.)","BROOKE: Is this a funeral? Will you please play something that doesn't make me wanna shoot-up and die?","(Lucas looks at her delicately. Peyton shifts the needle of one record and puts one on the other. Normal, Peyton music, starts to play. Brooke smiles and nods.)","BROOKE: Thank you.","(Peyton looks at Lucas before grabbing her cup.)","PEYTON: I need a drink.","(Lucas looks at Brooke who shrugs, takes her own cup and walks back off to the party. He sighs and leans on the deck.)","(People are having fun, letting off steam before returning to school. Guys are chasing girls with water guns and making out.)","(Camera cuts back to Lucas who is making fun of them by dancing like a po-go. Haley stands beside him. Tim is standing by the fire, still playing his guitar in all his nudity, and sweating.)","(Brooke walks up to Lucas.)","BROOKE: If I were looking for a guy to go skinny-dipping with, would you be that guy? (Smiles and wiggles her eyebrows.)","(Lucas laughs before seeing Haley sitting there; upset and alone.)","LUCAS: Can I be that guy in twenty minutes?","BROOKE: Hmmm... I'll give you fifteen and then I'm going wide with the offer.","(She smiles and runs off in the opposite direction. Lucas looks at Haley again before making a decision and walking off-screen.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - EVENING]","(Nathan is shooting hoops by himself on the court. Lucas walks up.)","LUCAS: How come you're not at the party?","NATHAN: (Pause) How come you're not in the gym? You know, that little one-on-one game, that was a joke. And you better get yourself in shape, otherwise you're gonna be completely worthless to me this season. (Pause) Instead of mostly worthless like you are now(!)","(He jumps and throws the ball at the hoop again.)","LUCAS: I know why you're here, Nathan. (Pause) Haley's not going away, you know?","NATHAN: Dude, for once, could you just mind your own damn business?","LUCAS: As soon as you forgive her(!) (Nathan looks away.) And try to work things out. (Nathan scoffs.) She loves you, Nate.","NATHAN: And is that supposed to make everything OK?","LUCAS: (Thinks before answering honestly.) Yeah, it is.","NATHAN: (Grins without humour.) You're an idiot.","(Nathan chucks that ball again and gets it through the basket. Lucas takes it and groans in annoyance - one step away from punching his brother.)","LUCAS: YOU KNOW SOMETHING, NATHAN?! I'VE TRIED WITH YOU! (Pause) BUT SOMETIMES, I WONDER WHY I BOTHER!","NATHAN: Then don't.","LUCAS: FINE, I WON'T! (Calms down and walks up to him.) You wanna... be a coward? Fine. Stay here and hide(!) Don't go to the party. (Pause) But if you think I'm gonna let you mistreat Haley, you're wrong. Don't try it for a second, because if you do, I'm gonna hurt ya.","(Nathan looks away and shakes his head, aware that Lucas' completely serious.)","LUCAS: Jackass.","(He drops the ball and walks away, leaving Nathan standing there with his hands on his hips.)","FADE TO BLACK:","COMMERCIAL SET:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE BEACH - THE PARTY - EVENING]","(The camera pans up to a pile of clothes. Lucas stands over them and realises that they are Brooke's. He puts a hand to his head and looks out at the sea. He spots Brooke there with a few guys.)","(Haley walks up to him.)","HALEY: (Frowning) Well, at least she won't drown naked.","(Lucas frowns and looks back. Brooke's with the lifeguards. He's not pleased as he turns and walks away again.)","(Tim has thankfully donned some clothes. He's carrying his guitar as he approaches Haley.)","TIM: Hey, Tutor Girl, (Points to the sky.) check it out - the stars are blue.","(Holds his guitar out to her.)","TIM: Do your song.","HALEY: Ah, no, thanks.","TIM: Why not?","(Haley shrugs.)","HALEY: Because I don't want to.","TIM: Oh, come on, don't be stuck-up. Look, I'll sing the Chris Keller part-","(Nathan comes up behind them.)","HALEY: Tim, I really don't wanna sing-","TIM: Just do it. Please(!)","HALEY: I don't know- oh(!)","(Nathan grabs the guitar and throws it onto the bonfire then continues walking. The crowd cheers. Tim looks up at him.)","TIM: Nathan's back(!) (Rushes off after him.)","(Haley looks at them with a smile.)","(Cut to Lucas who is standing there, a frown back in place.)","(Haley looks at the burning guitar. It's clear how Nathan feels.)","(Brooke is out of the water with a blue towel wrapped around her. She grabs her clothes and stops at Lucas.)","BROOKE: Lucas.","LUCAS: (Says bye to who he was talking to and turns to Brooke.) Hey.","BROOKE: You having fun yet?","LUCAS: Are you?","BROOKE: Yeah. (Smiles) You know, we're never gonna be here again, Luke. Senior; summer; you gotta enjoy it.","LUCAS: No, you're right. We should enjoy it. Don't you think that... if we're never gonna be here again, then maybe we should make it mean something to us?","(One lifeguard powers up his speaker.)","LIFEGUARD: Brooke Davis, do not put your clothes on!","(Brooke smiles and looks at Lucas.)","BROOKE: Um...","LUCAS: (Smiles) Joe calls.","(Brooke smiles and leaves. As soon as she's gone, his smile drops and his eyes sadden.)","(Cut to Peyton who is back at the deck with her drink. Haley walks up behind her.)","HALEY: Hey, girly. (Smiles) I left you like a million messages. Where you been?","PEYTON: (Uncaringly) Around.","(Haley quickly gets that Peyton is not happy with her. She looks away.)","HALEY: Drinking, huh? I should probably join you with the night I'm having. It's like... Tim wants me to play; Nathan won't even talk to me.","PEYTON: Well it's not like you don't deserve it(!)","(Haley looks at her, hurt. Peyton puts on a different record. 'When The Stars Go Blue' starts up by Haley and Chris. Peyton walks away, past Nathan who is approaching Haley.)","(Haley doesn't see him as she sits there, thinking about the husband and friends she has lost.)","NATHAN: (Stops) Hey?","(Haley looks at him.)","NATHAN: Can I talk to you?","(Haley smiles and nods as the song continues to play. They walk off onto the beach.)","NATHAN: I wanted to say I'm sorry. I should have told you I was back in town.","HALEY: (Happy that he's talking to her again.) It's OK.","NATHAN: Not really. (Pause) Look, I've been avoiding you because I'm still mad, Haley, about everything. (Pause) And I don't see that changing anytime soon.","(Haley nods but doesn't say anything.)","NATHAN: You know the last two times I came to the beach? (Looks at her.) For our wedding, and to burn the Wedding Wall.","HALEY: So that's what happened to it.","NATHAN: Well, first I broke it in half with the keyboard I bought you. And then I burned it.","(Haley gets that he's not there to even try and mend the rift.)","NATHAN: I'm sorry.","HALEY: ...Nathan,... I need to ask you something and I really don't want you to take it the wrong way.","(Nathan stops and waits.)","HALEY: I need to know what you want from me, or from us. (Thinks) Where are we now?","NATHAN: I don't know.","HALEY: What do you want us to be?","NATHAN: I don't know, Haley. I can't answer that right now.","HALEY: I can. I want us to be together.","NATHAN: Why? (Pause, off Haley's hurt face.) I mean, we're so far away from... who we used to be. Why even fight for it?","HALEY: (Completely sure.) Because I love you.","(Nathan looks away and sighs.)","NATHAN: Well, listen,... basketball season's coming up and I'm... I'm gonna concentrate on that. So,... you should do your thing, whatever it is; school, music. Something other than me. (Pause) Because,... I really don't know when I'm gonna be ready for us again. (Shrugs) Or even if... I'll be ready for us at all.","HALEY: (Distraught) Oh, Nathan, don't say that, god(!)","NATHAN: Haley, I'm not saying it to be mean... OK? I don't... I don't like hurting you. I'm just trying to be honest.","(Haley doesn't look at him. She barely moves.)","NATHAN: (Uncomfortable) I'm gonna head back. Alright?","(He walks off. Haley gathers some strength before calling out to him.)","HALEY: Nathan!?","(He stops and turns back.)","HALEY: ...I'm not going anywhere.","(She looks at him. He takes a moment.)","NATHAN: ... OK.","(He walks away. Haley sighs sadly and looks at the stars.)","FADE TO BLACK:","COMMERCIAL SET:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE BEACH - THE PARTY - EVENING]","(People are still having fun at the party. Lucas walks to Haley and sits beside her. They are separated from the fun and enjoyment.)","LUCAS: And then... (Leans back.) there were two. (Pause) Hey, it's not so bad. This is how we started last school year and look how good that turned out.","(Haley laughs humourlessly.)","LUCAS: (Shakes his head before taking her hand.) Let's take a walk.","(Haley looks at him and nods. He hugs her and they walk. Lucas stops as he sees Brooke dancing with the lifeguards.)","LUCAS: Give me a minute.","(He walks to Brooke who's laughing with the guys. They stop when they see him.)","LUCAS: What's going on, guys?","LIFEGUARD: What's up?","LUCAS: (To Brooke.) You gotta second?","BROOKE: Sure, what's up?","LUCAS: I'm the guy for you. (Pause) I know we're just part-time, that's cool. You know, do whatever, have your fun. (Smiles) But one of these nights, you're gonna realise it: (Pause) I'm the guy for you, Brooke Davis.","(Brooke looks at him, surprised. Lucas turns away but turns back.)","LUCAS: You'll see.","(Brooke's expression remains the same.)","LUCAS: (To the lifeguards.) You guys take it easy.","(He walks away. Brooke walks away from the lifeguards, to where Nathan is standing. They watch as Lucas puts his arm around Haley again and they walk off.)","(Cut back to Nathan and Brooke. She smiles and nods slightly.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[INT. CAF\u00c9 - DINING AREA - EVENING]","(Ellie is sitting at the table, writing something. Peyton enters and walks up to her. She set a phial in front of her.)","PEYTON: Here. It used to be my cocaine phial. (They look at each other.) Thought you might like it considering you were buying drugs today.","(Peyton looks at her with pain in her eyes before turning and leaving. Ellie doesn't try to deny it. She looks back down at the paper.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE BEACH - THE PARTY - EVENING]","(The party is still raging.)","LUCAS: It's gonna be OK, Hales. As a matter of fact, I... think it's the beginning of a beautiful friendship.","(Haley looks at him steadily.)","LUCAS: Again.","(She laughs and they walk out of the shot.)","(Dan walks onto the scene with his own alcohol. He looks at Haley and Lucas near the fire. He smiles and raises the glass to his lips but pauses as he sees Lucas behind the flames.)","FLASHBACK TO:","[INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING]","(The fire rages and a figure rounds the corner. The figure is burry as the shots cut between the head and body as well as the flames. Suddenly, the shot comes into focus and Lucas is standing there with an evil gleam in his eyes.)","END OF FLASHBACK:","[SCENE_BREAK]","[EXT. THE BEACH - THE PARTY - EVENING]","(Close-up of the glass in Dan's hand as he squeezes it too hard and it shatters. He looks back up at Lucas with betrayal shining in his eyes. Lucas continues to laugh and joke with Haley as they watch the bonfire.)","(Dan seethes with suppressed rage.)"],"Show Title":"One Tree Hill","Episode Number":"03x02","Episode Title":"From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"One_Tree_Hill_05x01.json","Recap":["It's four years into the future and the Tree Hill gang has finished college. Lucas published a book and is dating his editor Lindsay; Brooke made it big in the fashion industry with her store \"Clothes Over Bros\"; Peyton's pursuing a career in the music business; Haley and Nathan are in a strained marriage after Nathan's accident, which has left him temporarily paralyzed, and they raise a now older Jamie.[4] This episode is named after a song by Tree Fort Angst ."],"Transcript":["RIVERCOURT","Same scene from the end of 421","LUCAS (voiceover) : Sometimes, it feels like it was yesterday... graduating high school, saying goodbye. That feeling that you get at 17 or 18 that nobody in the history of the world has ever been this close, has ever loved this fiercely or laughed as hard or cared as much.","BROOKE : Okay. We're not gonna do this. We're not gonna get sad. Nothing's gonna change now. We'll all be friends forever. I know it.","LUCAS : Look, in four years, we're gonna be right back here. You know, done with college or wherever we go. Right?","HALEY : Yeah.","LUCAS (voiceover): Sometimes, it feels like it was yesterday, and sometimes, it feels like someone else's memory.","RIVERCOURT, FOUR YEARS LATER","Lucas is alone on the court looking at the names still visible on the floor.","EXTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE","Jamie is playing with a small basketball, Nathan is watching from afar. Haley arrives","NATHAN : Where did he get the hoop?","HALEY : His uncle Lucas gave it to him.","NATHAN : I don't want him playing.","HALEY : Nathan, he's 4 years old. All he wants to do is be like his dad. Why don't you go out there and show him...","NATHAN : I said I don't want him playing.","HALEY : Jamie, come on, sweetie. Mama's got to go to work.","NEW YORK, INTERIOR CLOTHE'S OVER BROS","Brooke's walking with her assistant, Millicent","TELEPHONE OPERATOR : Good morning, Clothes Over Bro's. Please hold. Good morning, Clothes Over Bro's. Please hold.","BROOKE : Can you call Prime and make a dinner reservation, please? Make sure I get the table in the wine room. Any night next week will do.","MILLICENT : Um, you're booked every night next week.","BROOKE : Okay, then the week after. This looks great. Can we make this about a quarter-inch wider? Great. And we've got to send something funny with a card to Conan O'Brien. Cheese. He likes cheese.","MILLICENT : You want me to send Conan O'Brien cheese? Manchego. No, send gouda. Gouda's a funnier cheese, and don't forget to remind me about the conference call with Macy's.","(Brooke suddenly looks at the draft of her magazine)","Guys. Absolutely not. There is no way she gets on the cover of my magazine unless she gains 10 pounds, minimum. She looks unhealthy.","EMPLOYEE : We were just brainstorming.","BROOKE : Brainstorm better. Anorexia is a disease. It is not a fashion statement. What do I smell?","MILLICENT : Um, it's your coffee. Mocha double latte, extra foam.","BROOKE : Is there foam? Last time there was no foam. I like foam.","MILLICENT : Extra foam.","BROOKE : Okay. What time is the premiere?","MILLICENT : 8:00, red carpet at 6:00.","BROOKE : All right, I'm gonna do the red carpet and then skip the movie. Let's call one of the Nicks and find out if they'd like to go.","MILLICENT : Okay, which Knick do you prefer? There's Stephon Marbury, Jamal Crawford... Oh, David Lee is really cute.","BROOKE : Not the New York Knicks, you goof. The Nicks... Nick Lachey, Nick Zano, Nick Reid. Whoever. And tell Victoria to wait for me in the limo.","MILLICENT : She's not gonna like that.","BROOKE : Well, she works for me.","LOS ANGELES, INTERIOR PEYTON'S OFFICE","Peyton is sitting at a desk...","JOHN : Oh, I must have the wrong office. No, that's me... John Knight, label president. Last I knew, you were Peyton Sawyer, assistant to the assistant of the label president, and your desk was... where is your desk?","PEYTON : I'm sorry, I was just arranging your trades and delivering the online download report, updating your call sheet, and admiring your view. Also, Mr. Knight, I have a couple unsigned bands that I would really love for you to hear.","JOHN : Peyton, I'm losing my hair, I'm hung over, I have two different alimony payments due and seven lines ringing.","PEYTON : Of course.","(Peyton starts leaving)","JOHN : Sawyer?","PEYTON : Yes.","JOHN : You look good. Drop a button on that top and I'll let you sit in on the morning new-music session. One button, one song. And get me some aspirin.","CLASSROOM AT TREE HILL HIGH","Jamie is drawing, Haley is at her desk, Lucas comes in.","LUCAS : Man, they do grow up fast.","JAMIE : Uncle Lucas!","LUCAS : J. Luke! Hey. You in high school already?","JAMIE : No, I'm only 4.","LUCAS : Hmm, 4 going on 40. What you drawing?","JAMIE : You can't see it. It's not done.","LUCAS : Yeah, trust me, I understand that one.","HALEY : I take it the writing's not going very well?","LUCAS : The writing... is not going at all. How about you? How was the last day of student teaching?","HALEY : Great. Just trying not to freak out about next week when it's just me.","LUCAS : You're gonna be great, Hales. Did you get a nanny yet?","HALEY : No, not yet.","LUCAS : Well, you know, you can't babysit him forever, Hales. And by him, I mean Nathan, not Jamie.","HALEY : Well, it's only been four months, so...","INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE","Nathan is watching tv.","SPORTS ANNOUNCER : Seattle is on the clock right now. We'll get to the commissioner coming up in regards to their pick. They going big? They going small? It's been unpredictable so far. Here's the commissioner. With the 10th pick in the NBA Draft, the Seattle sonics select...","FLASHBACK, SAME HOUSE, FEW MONTH AGO","Haley, Jamie and Nathan, in an empty house","JAMIE : We're moving to Seattle, mama!","NATHAN : It's gonna be Seattle. My agent just called. He said we got a guarantee... I'm going 10th pick to the Sonics!","HALEY : Oh, baby, I'm so proud of you! You have worked so hard for the last four years! You believed in it, and now it's actually happening! Why are we buying a house in Tree Hill if we're moving to Seattle? We should buy a house there.","NATHAN : Oh, we're going to. A big one.","JAMIE : With a pool?","NATHAN : More like a moat and a draw bridge.","JAMIE : And a dragon?","NATHAN : Yes, and a pet dragon for Jim-jam. Hales, we're gonna have all kinds of houses, but Tree Hill is home. And, besides, this isn't even my salary. This is just shoe-contract money.","HALEY : It's money from the shoe, mama! Let's get it!","HALEY : Oh, baby, I don't know.","NATHAN : The little man's spoken. And he's right. We should get the house, Hales. You know why?","HALEY : Why?","NATHAN : Because we did it together. We made it happen. And we're gonna have to get used to the fact that this is what life's like when your dreams come true.","END OF THE FLASHBACK, INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE","Nathan is still in front of his tv. We see him leaving the room in a wheelchair.","BOYS APARTMENT","Mouth is doing audition tape, while Junk and Fergie are playing video game.","MOUTH : The tar heels land another blue chip prospect, and we've got the scoop. I'm Marvin McFadden...","JUNK : Pass it, pass it! Pass the ball!","FERGIE : Yeah, he is. He's passing it to my guy.","MOUTH : Can you guys keep it down? I'm working on my demo.","JUNK : For what?","MOUTH : A job. I'm gonna send audition tapes to all the local stations.","FERGIE : Sorry, Mouth. Go ahead, man, do your thing.","MOUTH : The tar heels land another blue chip prospect, and we've got the scoop. I'm Marvin McFadden...","JUNK : No, no, no, no, no, no!","FERGIE : That's how you go down the lane!","JUNK AND FERGIE : Sorry. Sorry.","MOUTH : The tar heels land another blue chip prospect, and we've got the scoop.","(the microwave sound)","FERGIE : Pizza!","JUNK : I'll pause it.","MOUTH : Junk and Fergie play video games, drink beer, and eat pizza. I'm Mouth McFadden,","and I'm still unemployed.","INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM","Lucas is playing when Skills walks in.","SKILLS : So, six months ago when they asked us to fix this mess, what the hell were we thinking saying yes?","LUCAS : Well, well, well, if it isn't Skills Taylor, new assistant head coach of the Tree Hill Ravens.","SKILLS : Hey, if you could afford me... So, how great is this, huh? Lucas Scott, head coach. Local boy makes good.","LUCAS : Local boys made good. You're a big part of this, Skills.","SKILLS : I hope so. Man, we blew this place up. Hey, how many games they won since we hung that state championship banner?","LUCAS : Not many. But I do know one thing... losing's over.","SKILLS : Oh, no doubt.","LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S OFFICE","Meeting for their morning new music session. Peyton is there.","EMPLOYEE : She's got a hit TV show. Great potential for crossover marketing and promo.","JOHN : But the songs are terrible.","EMPLOYEE : John, she's young, she's hot, and her social life's a train wreck. We could ship this thing platinum.","PEYTON : Um, I have a band.","JOHN : Well, why not? It can't get any worse.","PEYTON : Okay, well, they're called Low Versus Diamond, they've already built a strong internet following, and the songs are great.","(all listen to the music, John stops it)","JOHN : We'll go with the actress... All right?","(John leaves the meeting)","EMPLOYEE (to Peyton) : Why don't you go get us some lunch menus?","INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE","Nathan is looking at sport shoes in their box","FLASHBACK, IN A BAR","Lucas, Nathan and Haley are at a bar with some other guys. One of them is presenting the same shoe Nathan was looking at.","BARRY : Ladies and gentlemen, the N.S. 23.","(applause)","NATHAN : Let's see it. Barry, thank you so much.","HALEY : Baby, it's awesome. I have to go relieve the sitter. But you guys should stay and celebrate.","It's the night before the Draft.","NATHAN : You sure?","HALEY : Yeah. Thank you guys! No driving tonight, okay? Take the limo and get the car tomorrow.","NATHAN : I promise.","HALEY : Okay.","LUCAS : Hook it up.","NATHAN : Check it out.","END OF THE FLASHBACK","Nathan is still watching the shoe.","LUCAS' BEDROOM","Lucas is working at his desk, writing.","LUCAS : \"And like the River Court signatures of their younger selves, weathered now, faded. So, too, were they.\"","(Lucas stops and deletes everything he just wrote)","LUCAS (writing) : \"I... suck.\"","(an instant message pop up. It's Lindsey. They start a video chat)","LINDSEY : Tell me you are writing the best pages of your life.","LUCAS : Well, hi to you, too.","LINDSEY : If not the best pages of your life, at least a bunch of okay pages?","LUCAS : I've written a few sentences...","LINDSEY : ah...","LUCAS : And deleted them because they sucked.","LINDSEY : Luke, this is serious. I can't be your editor if I don't have anything to edit. My butt is on the line here. Tell me you have something, anything.","(Lucas starts moving his screen)","LUCAS : Lindsey?","LINDSEY : Luke?","LUCAS : I don't know. You know, I think it's an earthquake.","LINDSEY : Lucas Scott!","(Lucas closes his laptop)","NEW YORK, AT THE MOVIE'S PREMIERE","Brooke is leaving the premiere with a guy . There are paparazzi everywhere. They jump in the limo.","BROOKE : Somebody needs to do something about the paparazzi. They're totally out of control.","VICTORIA : We pay them a lot of money to talk about the brand. I hope you were nice.","BROOKE : I was nice.","VICTORIA : Nick, did you enjoy yourself?","NICK : I did. I thought the movie was...","VICTORIA : Driver, can you pull over, please? I'm sorry, darling. You were saying?","NICK : Nothing. I liked the movie.","(the limo stops)","VICTORIA : Thank you very much, and enjoy the rest of your evening.","NICK : Right. Okay. I just thought that maybe...","(Nick leaves the limo)","VICTORIA : Yes, we know what you thought, Nick. You thought you'd have your way with my designer. A little fondling, a little tongue-kissing, something a little dirty but not too freaky.","NICK : No, I just thought that...","VICTORIA : It's Clothes Over Bro's, Nick. We want the tabloids to think that she's sleeping with you.","She's not actually sleeping with you. We're all set.","NICK : Call me!","(Victoria closes the door)","NICK : Taxi!","BROOKE : You are unbelievably rude.","VICTORIA : Well, it's been a long day. But tomorrow's even longer. You have a 9:00 a.m. interview","about taking the company public. I'll be there for the finer points. You just need to look beautiful and talk about your passion and your creativity and blah, blah, blah. And I've made a change to the model lineup due to the additional scrutiny from the press.","BROOKE : Oh, but you forgot...","VICTORIA : She's not on the list.","BROOKE : She's my friend.","VICTORIA : She's not your friend. She's an employee.","BROOKE : I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.","VICTORIA : Brooke, Clothes Over Bro's is a multimillion dollar company. A company that you've entrusted to me to make executive decisions like these. We have to cut her loose.","BROOKE : You're gonna fire her?","VICTORIA : No, I'm not gonna fire her. You're gonna fire her. It's your company, my dear. I just work here.","NEW YORK, BROOKE'S APARTMENT","Brooke is dining alone. She call someone.","BROOKE : Hey, it's me. It's not gonna work out for the fashion show. No, it's actually not gonna work out at all. I'm gonna have to let you go. It's nothing personal. It's just business. I got to go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE","Lucas walks in Jamie's bedroom","LUCAS : Postcard for Jamie Scott!","JAMIE : Another one?","LUCAS : Yeah, man.","JAMIE : Where are they now?","LUCAS : Well, aunt Karen and cousin Lily are in Ireland. Now, that's right across the Irish sea from England. You remember where England is?","JAMIE : The one with the clock!","LUCAS : You are a genius. Are you sure you're not my kid? All right.","JAMIE : You think we'll ever see them again?","LUCAS : Oh, yeah, of course we will, man. So, listen. I'm gonna go talk to your dad, and then we'll go, okay?","JAMIE : Okay.","LUCAS : All right. Downstairs, Nathan is trying to grab a bottle of alcohol with a trophy when Lucas arrives","NATHAN : Haley keeps the alcohol out of reach. At least, she tries.","LUCAS : It's a little early, don't you think? So, how's physical therapy going?","NATHAN : How's your second book coming?","LUCAS : Ouch. So, you know, Haley told me that the doctors say you'll be up on your feet any day now. Pretty lucky, Nate.","NATHAN : Oh, yeah, that's me. Mr. Lucky.","LUCAS : I'm just saying you'll be back to normal in no time.","NATHAN : Luke, I'm never gonna play basketball again. That's not exactly normal, okay?","(Lucas take the bottle from Nathan hands)","Luke! Luke, damn it! Don't be a dick, all right?","LUCAS : You want it? Walk over here and get it.","NATHAN : Why don't I walk over there and kick your ass, huh?","LUCAS : Kicking. Kicking's good. Let's see it.","NATHAN : Give me that bottle right now, or Dan's not gonna be the only Scott to kill his brother.","(Jamie walks in)","JAMIE : Ready, uncle Lucas?","LUCAS : Real nice, Nate.","NATHAN : Luke...Just...","LUCAS : Come on, Jamie. Let's go.","JAMIE : Bye, daddy.","NATHAN : Bye-bye.","RIVERCOURT","SKILLS : So, none of you guys know who ate my pizza?","JUNK : Nah, man.","SKILLS : Amazing. So, my pizza just ate itself.","MOUTH : Hey, I was working on my audition reel.","SKILLS : Hey, that's good. 'Cause you owe me for the rent. And you two knuckleheads owe me for a pizza.","(Lucas arrives with Jamie)","SKILLS : There he is! Big Game James. Hey, yo, Big Game. I got something for you.","(Skills gives Jamie a jersey)","JAMIE : Cool!","LUCAS : You want to try it on? All right. Put your arms through, and there we go.","JAMIE : It's perfect!","FERGIE : Let's see what you got, baller.","(Jamie starts to play and Skills drop the ball)","JAMIE : Darn it, uncle Skills, you always do that.","FERGIE : You ever gonna let him score?","SKILLS : Shorty shouldn't be in the paint. He got to learn.","JUNK : Dude, he's 4.","LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S OFFICE","Peyton is at her desk, John arrives","JOHN : What do you think, Sawyer?","PEYTON : I think you were right about the act we signed today. Her songs blow. So why'd you sign her?","JOHN : How long have you been in Los Angeles, Peyton? From...","PEYTON : From Tree Hill, North Carolina... Four years.","JOHN : Four years. Why'd you come?","PEYTON : I wanted to discover and sign bands that could change someone's life, like the bands that changed mine.","JOHN : I figured you were one of them. I used to be, too. Then I figured it out. It's called show business for a reason. We're here to make money.","PEYTON : Even if the product sucks.","JOHN : Especially if the product sucks. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but rock 'n' roll can't actually save the world.","PEYTON : See, I disagree. Walk into any club on the strip tonight and just look at the kids, look into their eyes. They're all looking for something to believe in. I think that music can be the thing that changes their world.","JOHN : That is why you are still the assistant to the assistant. They're not out there to get their world saved. They had a bad day. They went out to get drunk and get laid. Peyton, you're as smart and as talented as anyone at the label, but you'd be so much further along if you could just accept the business side of what we do and play the game.","PEYTON : I'm just not really interested in playing the game.","JOHN : You already did. You dropped a button to get into that meeting. Drop a few more, they'll probably give you my job.","PEYTON : Well, I will have your job one day, John. Just not that way.","JOHN : Have fun in the clubs tonight, assistant to the assistant.","BOYS APARTMENT","Lucas, Jamie, Skills, Junk and Fergie are playing video game","TV GAME : Substitution for the Clippers. Number 23.","SKILLS : Down by 2, and it looks like they're bringing in a rookie. Clock running down, time for one last play.","LUCAS : All right, Jamie, this is what we're gonna do. When I tell you, I want you to hit the green button. Okay?","FERGIE : Don't do it, Jamie.","JUNK : Pass it to your pal Junkie.","TV GAME : Kid's got the ball clock running down.","LUCAS : You're ready ?","FERGIE AND JUNK : No, no, no, no!","LUCAS : Now","SKILLS : Shoot it!","FERGIE AND JUNK : No, no, no, no, no!","JUNK : Jamie! That's it, you lost the ice cream.","(Skills, Lucas and Jamie are celebrating. Lucas grabs Jamie upside down)","(Haley come in)","HALEY : Hi, upside-down boy.","JAMIE : Hey, mama! We won!","HALEY : Oh, wow.","LUCAS : We were just...Here you go.","(Lucas put Jamie down)","HALEY : What are you wearing?","JAMIE : Uncle Skills gave it to me.","HALEY : Wasn't that nice of him, making you look all krunk. Did you say thank you?","Okay, go say goodbye to the guys.","LUCAS : Look, I kind of gave Nathan some grief today about not being on his feet yet.","HALEY : Oh, well, you know,","LUCAS : I know he's a little dark right now. You got to push him, Hales.","JAMIE : Okay, mom, I'm ready.","HALEY : Okay.","LUCAS : Whoa, what about me, Jamie?","JAMIE : Bye, uncle Lucas.","LUCAS : Bye, buddy. I love you.","JAMIE : I got to go home now, and anyway, you should be writing.","LUCAS : I don't want to hear it.","NEW YORK","Brooke is on the red carpet","JOURNALIST : So, we caught up with Brooke Davis, young, hot designer of Clothes Over Bro's. Now, Brooke, let me ask you this. Do you ever miss just being young?","BROOKE : I am young. But acting young. Not being the boss of this huge corporation, but being Brooke Davis, 21-year-old girl?","BROOKE : Sure, I miss it.","VICTORIA : Thank you. We have to move on.","BROOKE : Clothes Over Bro's is my dream come true. This is what I wished for.","LOS ANGELES","Peyton is walking by a news kiosk which sell Lucas' book. She also sees Brooke on a cover of a magazine.","NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE","Haley comes home with Jamie, Nathan is sleeping on the couch","HALEY : Oh, baby, it's awesome. Why don't you go upstairs? I'll be up in a minute, okay?","HALEY : I can't. We can't be like this, Nathan. Your son needs you. Please don't become your father.","NATHAN : My father is in prison. So am I.","HALEY : Well, you can walk out.","LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S APARTMENT","Peyton comes home, she put on her shelf the magazine with Brooke on the cover and a specimen of Lucas' book. She already has several. Then she put the audio version inside her hi-fi system.","LUCAS (audio book) : Chapter three. Peyton Sawyer is destined for greatness. Actually, she's already great, because Peyton Sawyer has a thing called integrity, and nothing or no one is ever going to change that. I remember the first time I met her.","(Peyton stops it)","NEW YORK, BROOKE'S APARTMENT","Brooke comes home","ASWERING MACHINE : You have 47 messages... All messages deleted.","LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S APARTMENT","Peyton calls someone","PEYTON : Hi. It's Peyton. Yeah, I'm sorry. I know it's late there, I just... What happened to us, you know? I don't know who I am anymore. Or how I got here. I miss who I used to be. I want to have a home again, you know? And real friends. you know, the kind of friendships we used to believe in. I miss that. And I miss you. I guess I just miss all of it.","(Peyton's crying)","LYNDSEY'S OFFICE","Lucas walks in","LINDSEY : No, I have the uncorrected proofs. I need the corrected ones. Okay, I have to go. Thanks. Bye.","LUCAS : Hi.","LINDSEY : Hi.","LUCAS : Look, before you start yelling at me, I'm sorry. I know I've missed my deadline again, and I know you have a lot of people to answer to, and it's not fair to you.","LINDSEY : I remember the first time I read it. I was a junior editor, just out of college, missing my friends. I took two dozen manuscripts home for the weekend, just like I did every weekend, hoping that this time, something would speak to me. And it did. It was a great first novel, Luke. It brought you to me. But a writer's career is about a body of work. It's about the second book and the third and the fourth.","LUCAS : Lindsey...","LINDSEY : It's been two years. And that wouldn't scare me if I thought you were writing, but you're not. So what am I supposed to do, Luke?","LUCAS : You could give me a little bit more time because I'm handsome.","LINDSEY : Close the door, Luke.","(Lucas leaves)","NEW YORK, CLOTHE'S OVER BROS","Brooke and Victoria are watching the interview of the night before","JOURNALIST : Not being the boss of this huge corporation but being Brooke Davis, 21-year-old girl.","(Victoria shuts down the tv)","VICTORIA : That is not the face of a happy girl who got everything she wished for.","BROOKE : A lot of things, but not everything.","VICTORIA : Are you counting the trip to Milan?","BROOKE : The trip for work.","VICTORIA : Come on. Let's see the face of a girl who gets to go to Italy tomorrow to approve the textiles for her fall line.","BROOKE : But it's not everything.","VICTORIA : No, dear. It is everything. And if you've lost sight of that, you have lost your way, Brooke Davis. Milan, tomorrow. Smile.","LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S OFFICE","JOHN : Okay. Let's do lunch. Sawyer! What's the name of that sushi place I like?","PEYTON : You were wrong yesterday when you said the kids in the clubs were just there for decadence. I think it's more like romance and hope and inspiration and that feeling that you","get when other human beings pick up basic instruments and make sense of your world. And the day that I think it's just about making money is gonna be the day that I've betrayed everything I believe in about music and life and myself.","JOHN : Was that a sushi place?","PEYTON : I quit, John. I'm going home.","JOHN : You're making a mistake.","PEYTON : No. I'm fixing one.","NATHAN AN HALEY'S HOUSE","Jamie is watching Nathan sleeping on the couch","JAMIE : I think you drink too much.","NATHAN : I think you're right.","(Haley walks in)","HALEY : Jamie, come on. Hey, come on. Let's go.","NEW YORK, CLOTHE'S OVER BROS","Brooke and Millicent are walking in the office with Brooke's luggage","MILLICENT : Okay, your boarding pass and itinerary are in your bag. The car service will pick you up in Milan. If you have any problems, I gave you my home, cell, and parents' house number.","BROOKE : Millicent, you are a great assistant, okay? Try and have some fun while I'm gone. You're only young once.","NATHAN AN HALEY'S HOUSE","Nathan is watching tv","SPORTS ANNOUNCER : Seattle is on the clock right now in regards to their pick. They going big? They going small? It's been unpredictable so far. Here's the commissioner.","ANCHOR : With the 10th pick in the NBA Draft, the Seattle Sonics select...","FLASHBACK, IN A BAR","Same night as earlier, Lucas and Nathan are still in the bar","GREG : Hey, man. Can I get an autograph?","NATHAN : Yeah, sure.","GREG : Thanks. Yeah, just write, \"to Greg, Portland's biggest fan. Seattle sucks, and so do I.\"","NATHAN : \"To Greg...enjoy losing to us next year. Your pal, Nathan Scott.\" There you go, buddy.","(Nathan gives the guy the paper and he throws it away. Nathan stand up, angry)","NATHAN : You got a problem, man?","(Lucas tries to stop Nathan)","LUCAS : No, no, no. Walk away. You've got too much to lose here.","GREG : Let's see what you got!","LUCAS : You got too much to lose here, okay? It's not worth it.","NATHAN : Okay","(Nathan and Lucas start to leave the bar)","GREG : That's it. Listen to your girlfriend.","Outside of the bar, Nathan get into his car","LUCAS : Come on, Nate. Wait. Look, we shouldn't be driving, all right? I'll get the limo. Come on, Nate. We'll just grab Barry, take the limo. You're not driving.","NATHAN : All right. You're right.","(Lucas leaves, Nathan get off the car, then he heard Greg shouting inside the bar)","GREG : I have witnesses. You all saw it. He hit me. I'm gonna sue that punk.","(Nathan goes back to the bar)","NATHAN : Hey, man, I never touched you. And if I'd have hit you, you'd be out cold right now.","GREG : Too late, Seattle boy. You should have left with that fat-ass wife.","(Nathan starts to punch him, and it turn out to a big fight. It ends with Nathan being pushed throw the window. Lucas arrives at the end)","LUCAS : Oh, my God. Nate, you all right?","NATHAN : I can't feel my legs, man.","LUCAS : What?","NATHAN : I can't feel my legs!","LUCAS : Help! Somebody help!","END OF THE FLASHBACK","Nathan is still in front of his tv","SPORT ANNOUNCER : With the end pick in the NBA draft the Seattle Sonics select Mouhamed Sene from Senegal.","JAMIE'S BEDROOM","Jamie is drawing, Haley comes in","HALEY : Okay, it's time for bed. Come on.","JAMIE : Mama, why is daddy so sad?","HALEY : It's just a really tough time for daddy right now. But he loves you. You know that, right?","JAMIE : Uncle Lucas loves me.","RIVERCOURT","Peyton is there alone, Lucas arrives","PEYTON : Hi. How long's it been?","LUCAS : Two years.","PEYTON : It's been longer than that. God, Luke, I missed you.","(She tries to go in his arms, he steps back)","LUCAS : I have someone. I'm with someone.","BOYS APARTMENT","Skills, Fergie and Junk are sleeping, Mouth is recording his audition tape.","MOUTH : Postseason hardball, preseason hoops, and regular season football. I'm Marvin McFadden, and sports is coming up next.","FLASHBACK, LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S APARTMENT","Same scene as earlier, Peyton's on the phone","PEYTON : Hi. It's Peyton. Yeah, I'm sorry. I know it's late there, I just... What happened to us, you know? I don't know who I am anymore. Or how I got here.","LUCAS' BEDROOM","Lucas is watching a jewel case he has in his drawer when we heard Lindsey's voice","LINDSEY : Hey, you. Come to bed.","(Lucas joins her)","LINDSEY : Hey. Sorry about yesterday. It's just, they only agreed to let me split time here because I promised them I'd get you back on track.","LUCAS : I know. It's okay. I still love you.","LINDSEY : I love you, too, Lucas Scott.","(They kiss)","PEYTON (voiceover) : I miss who I used to be. I want to have a home again, you know? I miss that. I miss you.","OUTSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE","Nathan is outside, he throws away Jamie's little basketball hoop when Jamie arrives. Jamie starts going back into the house","NATHAN : Jamie.","(Jamie's comes back and gives his drawing to Nathan)","NATHAN : Son...","(Nathan walks up a little bit)","NATHAN : Daddy's sorry, for everything. Come here.","(Nathan takes Jamie in his arms)","FLASHBACK, LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S APARTMENT\/ NEW YORK, BROOKE'S APARTMENT","Still the same conversation","PEYTON : I guess I miss all of it. Does any of that make any sense?","(On the other side of the line)","BROOKE : That makes all the sense in the world, Peyton. Four years ago, it all seemed so clear, didn't it? Conquer the world, save the world, live happily ever after.","PEYTON : Are you happy, Brooke?","BROOKE : Sometimes. Not always. Are you?","PEYTON : No.","BROOKE : Okay. Then let me ask you something. What is gonna make you happy, Peyton? Is it how you look or the car you drive or the people you know? Is it money or celebrity or power or accomplishment? Because I have all those things, and... and I don't think it's enough.","PEYTON : Well, then, what is?","BROOKE : Love, I think. And that love can be for a boy or a girl or a place or a way of life or even for a family. But where you find it is up to you. So where are you gonna find that love, Peyton?","PEYTON : I think I need to go home.","BROOKE : Yeah, I was hoping you'd say that.","TREE HILL AIRPORT","Peyton's there. Brooke arrives","PEYTON : I missed you, Brooke Davis.","BROOKE : I missed you, P. Sawyer. We're home now. It's gonna be okay.","PEYTON : Come on."],"Show Title":"One Tree Hill","Episode Number":"05x01","Episode Title":"4 Years, 6 Months, 2 Days","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"One_Tree_Hill_05x03.json","Recap":["Lindsay fears that Peyton might threaten her relationship with Lucas. Nathan visits Dan in prison and gives him a picture of Jamie. Haley tries to get a student, Quentin, back in school. Brooke opens her store \"Clothes Over Bros\". in Karen's Cafe. Peyton signs her first band on her new label.[7] This episode is named after a song by My Chemical Romance ."],"Transcript":["LUCAS (voiceover) : My name is Lucas Scott. Four years ago, I graduated from high school with my friends. Brooke Davis moved to New York City and found success... Peyton Sawyer went to Los Angeles. I wrote a novel and fell for my editor, Lindsey. Recently, we've come home.","BROOKE : I missed you, P. Sawyer.","LUCAS (voiceover) : Now Brooke's opening a local boutique for her fashion line. Peyton Sawyer is starting her own record label. My best friend Haley started teaching...","QUENTIN : That is some fine ass.","HALEY : Who said that?","LUCAS (voiceover) : ...But it hasn't been easy.","NATHAN : Hey, man.","LUCAS (voiceover) : Nor has it been easy for her husband, Nathan, who in a moment of anger, watched his dreams of playing professional basketball vanish.","HALEY : You have a beautiful son who is here! I am here! One more night like this, Nathan, and I promise you, you will have nothing!","LUCAS (voiceover) : A lot has changed since high school...","LUCAS : I still love you.","LINDSEY : I love you, too, Lucas Scott.","LUCAS (voiceover) : ...But in many ways, our journey is just beginning.","LUCAS ' BEDROOM","Lindsey is waking up. Lucas is at his desk","LINDSEY : Wow. Did you write all night?","LUCAS : Yeah. I guess I did.","LINDSEY : The question is, how much of it survived the dreaded \"delete\" button?","LUCAS : Almost all of it.","LINDSEY : You must be ready to pass out.","LUCAS : Actually, I'm not tired. I'm really energized. The words came to me. I haven't felt this inspired since... since my last book.","LINDSEY : I'm glad. And it's a good thing you're energized. Because you have practice in like eight minutes. Off you go, coach.","LUCAS : That was just mean. You're a mean person. You know that, yeah.","NATHAN AND HALEY'S BEDROOM","Nathan is trying to stand up and starts walking","NATHAN : Haley, come look at this. Haley!","CARRIE : Sorry, Haley's not here. She's at school. I'm Carrie, the new...","NATHAN : The new nanny. I know. She told me.","CARRIE : Okay, well, I'm gonna make breakfast. Do you want me to bring you some?","NATHAN : No. I'm good. Thanks.","PEYTON'S NEW OFFICE AT TRIC\/ BROOKE'S NEW BOUTIQUE","Peyton is on the phone with Brooke","PEYTON : Hi. Guess where I am?","BROOKE : You're feeling warm and fuzzy in your new office, while I'm stuck in incompetent construction worker hell? I mean, it's like they're in slow motion.","PEYTON : You know... Complain all you want, but I think you're having fun. Admit it.","BROOKE : I'll admit that I'm enjoying doing something on my own... on my own for once. I can't wait to see Victoria's face when she sees... Speak of the devil. She's on the other line. Of course.","PEYTON : Well, good thing you're already in hell. Call me later.","BROOKE : Okay.","(Brooke's taking Victoria's call)","BROOKE : I was just about to call you.","VICTORIA : No, you weren't. Why haven't I received your flight itinerary?","BROOKE : Because I've decided to stay in Tree Hill a few extra days. We're opening a new store.","VICTORIA : I didn't approve a Tree Hill location.","BROOKE : Well..","VICTORIA : That doesn't even make sense. Brooke Davis, you are jeopardizing this company. You're the face of the brand, and your absence can cause irreparable harm. Now, what the hell has gotten into you?!","BROOKE : Home.","VICTORIA : Are you doing drugs? Because if you are, it's okay. I can spin this in a good way.","BROOKE : I have to go.","VICTORIA : Brooke. Brooke!","(Brooke hang up, she's just seen a part a the wall that a guy was about to throw away with a quote on it)","BROOKE : Excuse me. We're gonna keep this. This belongs here.","(The quote says \"Somebody told me that this is the place where everything's better and everything's safe\")","INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE","Nathan comes into the kitchen, Carrie is already there","CARRIE : Did you just walk down the stairs?","NATHAN : If by \"walking,\" you mean \"falling.\"","CARRIE : You didn't have to come down. I told you I'd bring you some breakfast.","NATHAN : What is that?","CARRIE : Bacon and eggs. Yes, it's rearranged into a smiley face. I do that sometimes. I'm an optimist.","NATHAN : Whatever. Listen, I need you to give me a ride somewhere. Do nannies do that?","CARRIE : Sure. I don't have to pick up Jamie for a few hours. Just... let me get your crutches. And no more falling.","INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM","Lucas and Skills are taking care of the practice. Haley walks in","SKILLS : Hey, pick it up, blue! Let's go!","HALEY : Hey, coach, you got a sec?","LUCAS : That depends... are you gonna be one of those teachers constantly complaining about my players' grades?","HALEY : If your players are failing, you bet your ass I will.","LUCAS : Fair enough. Grades are the least of this team's worries.","SKILLS : Oh, my God! Can't be serious.","LUCAS : How's Quentin? Is he still disrupting your class?","HALEY : Actually, no. Quentin has not been in class all week, and I think it's because he got kicked off the team.","LUCAS : You can't save 'em all, Hales... Oh God!","HALEY : I think your team looks really good.","LUCAS : The J.V. is the team in white. In the blue... yeah, those are mine. We're a work in progress.","HALEY : Awkward. I'm gonna go to class now. I'll see you later.","LUCAS : Haley, how's my little brother doing?","HALEY : He's a work in progress.","LUCAS : Finish!","MOUTH'S OFFICE","MOUTH : Excuse me. I found my demo in the trash.","ALICE : Perhaps you should have left it there.","MOUTH : I don't think so.","ALICE : Excuse me? What did you just say?","MOUTH : Look, maybe I'm not right for the job, okay? But my audition demo doesn't belong in the trash. I worked really hard on it.","ALICE : You're right. That was a mistake... and I'm sorry. I meant to put it in the recycling bin.","(Skills arrives and yells from the other side of the hallway)","SKILLS : Yo, Mouth! It's early lunch thursday!","ALICE : Friends at work... half a strike at least.","SKILLS : Thanks. Nice timing, by the way.","OUTSIDE PRISON","Nathan came visiting his father","DAN : Hello, Nathan. It's good to see you, Nathan. Been a long time.","NATHAN : 4 years.","DAN : 4 years, 15 weeks, 2 days. Counting the days is kind of a popular hobby around here... that and ceramics. Tell me about the accident.","NATHAN : It was a moment of anger. I had a chance to walk away, and I didn't do it. And now my punishment is... I get to regret it every day for the rest of my life.","DAN : Join the club. My biggest regret's not being able to watch my grandson grow up, losing my family... those are things you still have. How is my grandson? He must be getting big by now. You got a picture of him?","NATHAN : I'm not here to talk about Jamie.","DAN : I understand. I just always wondered if he knows who I am.","NATHAN : He found a picture of you once. We told him that you were his grandfather. He asked where you were.","DAN : What'd you tell him?","NATHAN : We told him you were dead.","LUCAS' OFFICE AT TREE HILL HIGH","Lucas walks in the office, Haley is there","LUCAS : Can I help you with something?","HALEY : Hi. Sorry. No, I just thought I would lounge here while I'm on my break.","LUCAS : You know, they do have a teacher's lounge for that, right?","HALEY : Oh, Luke, it's so creepy in there. They're all acting like they're still my teachers. I feel like I'm being graded.","LUCAS : You too, huh?","HALEY : Yeah. So, I hear you rented out your office space at Tric to Peyton. Lindsey okay with that?","LUCAS : Yeah, why not?","HALEY : I don't know. Maybe because Peyton's not just another ex-girlfriend and everybody knows that.","LUCAS : Haley, I'm just helping out an old friend, okay? That's all. Besides, you know, Lindsey's not really the jealous type.","HALEY : Good answer, because I'm having lunch with her in a few minutes.","LUCAS : So, this was just a sneak attack? You're just gathering information?","HALEY : Yeah, pretty much.","LUCAS : How did I not see this coming?","HALEY : Because you're a guy, Luke, and guys are... so predictable.","RIVERCOURT","Skills and Mouth are having lunch","SKILLS : Girls are so predictable.","MOUTH : She's not a girl... she's a woman.","SKILLS : She is a cougar.","MOUTH : Whatever she is, she hates me, and it's getting worse every day.","SKILLS : That's called \"sexual tension,\" dog.","MOUTH : You need to stay off the internet.","SKILLS : No, I'm serious. Look, last year, I had this professor, right? She kept on riding me all semester, dog, and not in a good way. But one day, she started bitching at me after class. I planted one on her.","MOUTH : You did not. There's no way you did that.","SKILLS : That's not all I did. I'm telling you, hook it up.","MOUTH : You have finally lost touch with reality. Oh, and by the way, next time you decide to stop by my work, try not to yell out \"early lunch thursday!\"","SKILLS : Okay. I'm telling you, I think you're gonna miss out on some hot cougar love.","TERRACE OF A RESTAURANT","Lindsey and Haley arrive for their lunch","LINDSEY : Remember the first time you invited me to lunch here?","HALEY : Oh, thank you.","LINDSEY : Said you wanted to get to know me better, but I knew right away, you were sizing me up.","HALEY : Oh, I was not.","LINDSEY : Haley, you asked me to bring photocopy of my driver's license.","HALEY : I was just checking to make sure you were good enough for my best friend. Lucas had been through a lot lately, you know?","LINDSEY : Lucas tell you he wrote all night?","LUCAS : No, I thought he's been blocked.","LINDSEY : Guess he got inspired.","HALEY : Oh, that's good. Isn't it?","LINDSEY : Yeah. Yeah, as his editor, I'm thrilled, obviously, but as his girlfriend, I can't help but notice the timing.","HALEY : Oh, you're talking about Peyton coming back?","LINDSEY : I sound like a jealous girlfriend.","HALEY : No, you don't.","LINDSEY : Thank you.","HALEY : Look, I know Lucas better than anyone does. I'm telling you, he's very much in love with you.","LINDSEY : Thanks, Haley.","HALEY : Okay, now I need you to tell me that I'm not totally insane for hiring a hot nanny.","JAMIE'S BEDROOM","CARRIE : Wow. I'm pretty sure you have more toys than any other kid on the planet.","JAMIE : You can play with them. I don't mind.","CARRIE : Thanks.","JAMIE : Daddy doesn't like it when I play basketball.","CARRIE : Why not?","JAMIE : Can you keep a secret?","CARRIE : I'm the best at keeping secrets.","JAMIE : Okay, but no telling.","CARRIE : Okay.","(Jamie shows Carrie what he has inside his closet, but we don't see it)","INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM","The team is having fun. Lucas and Skills walk in","SKILLS : Hey, yeah. It's good to see everybody working on their dunks, considering most of you can't even make a free throw.","LUCAS : You guys lost 8 games last year by 3 points or less... 8. Now, does anyone know how many games you won by 3 points or less?","SKILLS : I do. Zero.","LUCAS : Oh, that's right... none. Now, maybe, if you guys could've hit a few free throws, maybe you could've made the Playoffs. So, this is how we're gonna start... fundamentals.","SKILLS : See this spot? We're gonna start practice every day from this line right here. And any player who can't knock down three straight free throws in a row is gonna run... all day.","LUCAS : Who wants to prove me wrong?","(One player tries and don't make the shot)","SKILLS : Go ahead and start running, superstar. Hey, and don't be high-fiving nobody, either.","LUCAS : Who's next?","MOUTH'S OFFICE","Mouth comes back from lunch","ALICE : You're late.","MOUTH : It's 1:00.","ALICE : No, it was 1:00 30 seconds ago, which makes you late... another strike.","MOUTH : Why do you hate me so much?","ALICE : Why? You know, we gave you a fantastic opportunity here, but it's so obvious to me that you think you are above the work. You don't want to pay your dues. You come in late. You pass around your worthless audition demo. Somehow, I'm a bitch because I've decided that you haven't earned it yet. You know what? Why don't you just face the reality of the situation? You are wasting your time here. You are irrelevant, you are annoying...","(Mouth kiss Alice)","ALICE : And now you're fired.","OUTSIDE PRISON","DAN : I know it wasn't easy for you, coming here. It means a lot to me.","NATHAN : I didn't come here for you. You know, as long as I can remember, you taught me that basketball was the most important thing in the world. So when I lost it, I thought my life was over.","DAN : Only trying to give you the tools you need to succeed.","NATHAN : Yeah, and those tools ended up preventing me from succeeding. \"Don't ever back down.\" \"Second place is the first loser.\" Do you remember that?","DAN : Don't expect me to apologize for teaching you to play a game that you love, that you chose.","NATHAN : A game that nearly destroyed my family. It's not worth it, and my family's all I have now.","That's why I'll never let my son play. Basketball's taken enough.","DAN : You're not on those crutches 'cause I handed you a basketball when you were 3. And trust me... you not letting your son play is just as bad as you making him play. And that's why you're here... to blame me for what happened to you.","NATHAN : No. I've been sitting at home for four months blaming you, and now I'm done. It's time to move on. I'm letting go of the anger, and I'm letting go of you. I just had to look you in the eye when I told you that. I won't be back.","DAN : Don't you see, Nathan? The strength you need to let go of it, to leave your old man behind... that's what I taught you.","NATHAN : Lesson learned.","DAN : I love you, son.","PEYTON'S NEW OFFICE AT TRIC","Peyton is arranging her stuff, Lindsey arrives","LINDSEY : Wow. This is officially the coolest office I've ever been in.","PEYTON : Yeah. Now I just need to sign a couple bands and prove to myself it wasn't all a big mistake.","LINDSEY : From what I've heard about you, I don't think that's gonna be a problem.","PEYTON : I hope you're right.","LINDSEY : Oh, this is for you.","(Lindsey gives her a bamboo)","LINDSEY : It's supposed to bring good luck. It's a lucky bamboo. They don't need much sunlight.","Just make sure you water it every day.","PEYTON : I will. Thank you.","LINDSEY : Well, I hope it all works out. I know we just met, but I just wanted you to know that I'm here.","PEYTON : Good to know.","LINDSEY : Bye, Peyton.","INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM","Skills is still in the gym with the team. All players are running. Lucas walks in","LUCAS : Are you telling me not one of them made their free throws?","SKILLS : Let's just put it this way... we could have built a new gym with all them bricks. You know they're counting on us to turn this thing around, right? This season.","LUCAS : They'll get better.","SKILLS : Yeah? If they don't, maybe we can start a track team. Come on! Keep going! Run, run, run! Pick it up!","[SCENE_BREAK]","INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE","Carrie is in the living room, Nathan arrives","CARRIE : Hey, how'd you get home?","NATHAN : Took a cab.","CARRIE : You took an hour-long cab ride? That must have cost a fortune. I would have picked you up.","NATHAN : No, don't worry about it. I get the handicap discount.","CARRIE : You'd think, in this town, they'd have a state championship discount. I went to Pontiac. You beat us in the championship game. I cried for a week.","NATHAN : Sorry.","CARRIE : So, how does it feel to be a hometown hero?","NATHAN : I'm not that guy anymore, all right? Trust me... I'm nobody's hero.","CARRIE : You sure about that? Carrie brings Nathan in Jamie's room, who's sleeping. She shows him his closet","CARRIE : Looks like you're somebody's hero.","(We see one of Nathan's trophy, some newspaper pages and a drawing)","BROOKE'S NEW CLOTHES OVER BROS BOUTIQUE","Lucas walks in","LUCAS : I promised my mom I'd send her a photo once you got finished destroying her caf\u00e9.","BROOKE : Okay, that's not fair. I hated doing it. But I kept the sign.","(Brooke shows him the quote)","LUCAS : I'll make sure I mention it in my e-mail. So, what made you want to open up a shop here in Tree Hill?","BROOKE : Same reason you're coaching the Ravens. It's home. And it's good to be home.","What do you think?","LUCAS : I got to be honest... I think it's the perfect way to continue the legacy of Karen's Caf\u00e9. I'm just amazed at how quickly you got this place together. You're very impressive, Brooke Davis.","BROOKE : Yeah, that's what they tell me.","LUCAS : So, is it everything you imagined? Having your own fashion line?","BROOKE : Today it is. Ask me again tomorrow.","PEYTON'S NEW OFFICE AT TRIC","Peyton is still arranging her stuff. Haley arrives","HALEY : Hey, so this is it, huh? You're doing it.","PEYTON : Yeah, hopefully, it's just the beginning.","HALEY : Wow, I can say I was here when it all started. Maybe I should steal something to commemorate the occasion.","PEYTON : Well, if there's no stopping you...","(Peyton shows Haley Lindsey's gift)","HALEY : Oh... Bamboo.","PEYTON : Lucky bamboo. It was from Lindsey.","HALEY : Lucas' Lindsey?","PEYTON : Is that her nickname or something?","HALEY : This is actually really nice of her.","PEYTON : Suspiciously nice.","HALEY : Oh, stop it. Keep this.","PEYTON : It really did just feel like she was coming over here to mark her territory. And then she said, \"I just wanted you to know I'm here.\"","HALEY : So she was letting you know that, if you need anything, she's here to help.","PEYTON : She was letting me know she's not going anywhere.","HALEY : I got to be honest with you. That just really doesn't sound like her, but, I mean, even if she is doing that and marking her territory, what difference does it make? It's not like you came back to town for Lucas, right?","PEYTON : No. I did not come back here for Lucas... I came back here for me.","HALEY : Good. That's what I thought.","(Music in the background)","HALEY : So, who's this band?","Peyton and Haley walk in the other room where a band is performing","PEYTON : Great sound check.","HALEY : Yeah, really great.","PEYTON : They're local... and they're unsigned.","HALEY : You can tell that just by looking at them?","PEYTON : Well, four years in L.A. at least gave me that.","INTERIOR OF A HOUSE","Brooke is visiting the house with the owner","WOMAN : Well, what do you think?","BROOKE : I love the house, especially the furniture. I love the coffee table.","WOMAN : We found that in Greece two summers ago.","BROOKE : I want it.","WOMAN : You... want the coffee table?","BROOKE : I want everything... the house, the furniture, and if you can be gone in an hour, I'll throw in an extra $30,000.","WOMAN : Enjoy your new house!","(The woman takes her cat and then looks at Brooke)","WOMAN : You didn't want Beasley, did you?","BROOKE : No. You can keep Beasley.","WOMAN : There's a roast in the oven.","BROOKE : I love roast. Bye.","RIVERCOURT, NIGHT","Quentin is playing alone, Haley comes to see him","QUENTIN : You must be lost.","HALEY : No, actually, I've spent more time on this court than you ever will. I want you to come back to school.","QUENTIN : Ain't nothing left for me up there.","HALEY : \"Isn't anything left.\" And there's more to life than basketball, Quentin. I mean, you... you got to graduate.","QUENTIN : What's it matter to you?","HALEY : Listen to me. Half the kids that drop out of high school have no job, and the ones that do earn a job earn 25% less than the kids that stayed in school and 63% less than the ones that graduated college. So, for me, it doesn't matter, but for you, Quentin, it matters a lot. I'm not kidding.","QUENTIN : Or maybe you're just hot for me, Mrs. James-Scott.","HALEY : All right, I tried.","(Haley leaves)","PEYTON'S NEW OFFICE AT TRIC","The leader of the band comes to see Peyton","PEYTON : Thank you for meeting with me.","JASON : What is this about?","PEYTON : Well, I think you guys are really great.","JASON : Look, I'm kind of tired, so if this is just some fan-club crap...","PEYTON : Oh, no, no, no. I'm sorry. Please, sit down. I own my own record label, and I would really love to sign you guys.","JASON : Why should we sign with you?","PEYTON : Well, I was in L.A. for the last four years working at a major label, but I decided to leave because I thought I could do better on my own. And when I hear bands like yours, I know I can. The majors are a mess right now, and so, if you sign with me, I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure you guys get to be where you want to be.","JASON : So, what other bands do you have?","PEYTON : As of right now? I mean, there's nobody yet. I wanted you guys to be my first.","JASON : Look, my ex-girlfriend told me the same thing prom night. She was a lying bitch. We're gonna pass, but thanks.","PEYTON : Lucky bamboo.","(Peyton takes the bamboo and put it in the trash)","LUCAS' HOUSE","Lindsey is in the kitchen, Peyton walks in","LINDSEY : Peyton. Hi. You just missed Lucas.","PEYTON : Actually, I came by to see you.","LINDSEY : Great. What's up?","PEYTON : Why did you bring me that lucky bamboo?","LINDSEY : Well, I just wa...","PEYTON : No, I'll tell you why. You were marking your territory, and that's okay. I get it. But for the record, I am not after Lucas, okay?","LINDSEY : I didn't think you were.","PEYTON : Then, what do you want? 'Cause, seriously, people are just not that nice.","LINDSEY : Peyton, my whole life, I wanted to be an editor, so when I made it, a friend of mine gave me a lucky bamboo for my office. Now, I'm not naive enough to think that I found my way because of some plant on my desk, but that plant was a symbol that I had finally made it. That's all I was trying to give you... a reminder of the first day you started living your dream. It's good to know you're not after Lucas.","(Lindsey is holding the door for Peyton to leave)","LINDSEY : Good luck.","INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM","Skills is looking inside of the gym from the doorway, Lucas joins him The players are making their free throws","SKILLS : Man, you ain't gonna believe this. I guess they got tired of running.","LUCAS : Or they just got tired of losing.","SKILLS : Nice work, coach.","LUCAS : You too, coach.","INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE","Nathan is exercising, Carrie walks in","CARRIE : How's the physical therapy going?","NATHAN : It hurts.","CARRIE : Good. No pain, no gain.","NATHAN : You sound like my dad.","CARRIE : Sorry. I used to be a personal trainer. I am full of motivational catch phrases. That's who you were visiting yesterday at the prison... it was your dad, right?","NATHAN : I'd rather not talk about it.","CARRIE : Does Haley know you went to see him?","NATHAN : No, she doesn't. And I'd like to keep it that way.","CARRIE : I'm not here to meddle. Unless I'm invited in, I mind my own business. But if she asks me, I won't lie.","NATHAN : That's fair. And listen, it's good that you're here. I've pretty much been a jackass for the past few months, and Haley deserves better. I know it's been really hard on her.","CARRIE : You know, if you want to do something nice for Haley, you might want to try investing in a razor.","INTERIOR TRIC","Peyton walks in to talk to the band","PEYTON : So, maybe I don't have any other bands. There's something my label has that the others don't... me. And I have a lot of experience, more than you'd think. And the other thing that I have that none of the other labels have is an interest in you guys. I can have you in a recording studio tomorrow. So if it is really about the music, you might want to reconsider. Have a good show.","MOUTH'S OFFICE","Mouth walks into Alice's office","MOUTH : Before I go, I need to say something.","ALICE : Of course you do. You're like a bug that can't be squashed.","MOUTH : You never gave me a chance. You hated me from the start because of how I look. It's always about how people look. I mean, take you. You dress all uptight, hiding your hot body behind your cold personality. But at the end of the day, you know you got it. You know, go hire your hot anchor and hang out with your hot friends and be hot, but you'll never know what you're missing, 'cause I'm good at what I do, and I'm gonna prove you wrong.","(Mouth starts to leave but Alice stops him and kiss him)","ALICE : That was kind of hot.","MOUTH : Yeah.","(They kiss again)","GARAGE OF NATHAN AND HALEY","Haley arrives in her car and stays inside for a while. Carrie comes to see her","CARRIE : Tough day?","HALEY : Yeah. I can't remember the last one that wasn't. I just think I'm realizing that I can't help everybody, and I still somehow feel responsible. I don't know why I keep trying. Maybe I'm avoiding this... you know, coming home. That's such a terrible thing to say, I know. It hasn't been easy.","CARRIE : Well, you should go inside. There's someone waiting to see you.","HALEY : Jamie... he's such a good boy, isn't he?","CARRIE : Bye.","HALEY : Bye. Thank you.","INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE","Haley arrives","HALEY : Jamie. Where'd you go, Jimjams?","(Haley walks into the dining room, the table is set. Jamie and Nathan, who's shaved, are waiting for her)","HALEY : What is this?","NATHAN : It's the beginning.","HALEY : Of what?","NATHAN : Of the way it's gonna be from now on. I know that it's gonna take a lot more than dinner... but I figured it's a start, right?","HALEY : I've missed you.","HALEY : So, how was your day?","NATHAN : Oh, enough about me. How was your day?","JAMIE : Yeah, how was your day, mama?","HALEY : Oh, my day just got a lot better. Well, I'm starving. Let's eat.","NATHAN : Lets' eat. Give me that plate. Well, I can't vouch for any of this, because Jamie made it all.","HALEY : Oh, no.","NATHAN : I just watched","BROOKE'S NEW CLOTHES OVER BROS BOUTIQUE","Peyton walks in","PEYTON : Brooke, this place looks great. Think, if I can't sign any bands soon, maybe I can get a job here?","BROOKE : I'm sorry, darling, you're not nearly bitchy enough to work in one of my stores.","PEYTON : Oh, I don't know about that. I have references. Just ask Lindsey.","BROOKE : Lucas' Lindsey?","PEYTON : Does everyone call her that?","BROOKE : Were you mean to her?","PEYTON : No, she was marking her territory, and I just called her on it. She thinks I'm after Lucas.","BROOKE : She said that?","PEYTON : She didn't have to... it was obvious. She showed up with this, like, bad-luck bamboo thing and a story about how it was, like, a symbol of my dream, but I'm pretty sure it was just to guilt-trip me.","BROOKE : Peyton...","PEYTON : And then... get this... she says to me, \"I just want you to know, I'm here.\" What is that?! I mean, you're opening up your own store, and does she bring you a lucky bamboo?","(Brooke shows Peyton hers)","PEYTON : I'm such a bitch.","BROOKE : Look on the bright side... now I'd hire you to work in one of my stores in a second.","PEYTON : No, really, I suck.","BROOKE : Yeah, you do. Matter of fact, it's a wonder that you have any friends at all, but you do. Come with me.","INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE","Haley and Nathan are sitting on the couch, talking","HALEY : So, the entire class stands up, and I said, \"any student that walks out that door fails this quarter.\"","NATHAN : You didn't say that.","HALEY : I totally did.","NATHAN : You're, like... you're, like, the mean teacher. That's kind of hot.","(Jamie join his parents)","HALEY : Well, well, don't you think it's a little past your bedtime, mister?","JAMIE : I think so.","NATHAN : Hey, I'll tell you what... since it's a special occasion, I think we should stay up a little","later tonight, unless you're too tired.","JAMIE : No, I'm not tired!","HALEY : Okay. Come here.","NATHAN : I was thinking maybe we could go outside and shoot around with this thing. Is that something you'd like to do with me?","JAMIE : I don't know.","NATHAN : Yeah. I don't really know, either.","JAMIE : No, no, no! Play!","NATHAN : All right, well, let's see if you're ready. Show me your jump shot. Nice! Nice arc. Use that follow-through. There you go.","BROOKE'S NEW HOUSE","Brooke is covering Peyton's eyes while they enter the house","BROOKE : Surprise.","PEYTON : You rented a house?","BROOKE : Well, not exactly.","PEYTON : Brooke, you did not just buy this house. What are you thinking?!","BROOKE : What... you don't like it?","PEYTON : No, it's incredible!","BROOKE : Good, 'cause that's your room.","PEYTON : Oh, my God!","INTERIOR PRISON","GUARD (to Dan) : Your son left this for you earlier.","(He gave Dan an envelope. There is a picture of Jamie inside)","OUTSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE","Jamie is playing with his ball","NATHAN : Try one more time. Beautiful. That was awesome. You'll be doing that on 10-foot baskets someday.","(Haley is watching from a far)","NATHAN : All right, let's see some more. Nice!","PEYTON'S OFFICE AT TRIC","Jason walks in","JASON : So, we're gonna give you a chance. Don't let us down.","PEYTON : I won't.","(Peyton is taking her bamboo from the trash and put it in her desk)","LUCAS' BEDROOM","Lucas is working, Lindsey walks in","LINDSEY : I've been putting on a brave face for a few weeks now. You have these two gorgeous ex-girlfriends back in town, and I'm trying so hard to be okay with it, but I have to ask you a question, and I promise, I'll never ask it again. Should I be worried about us?","LUCAS : Lindsey... I love you. That is never gonna change. You have nothing to worry about.","TERRACE OF BROOKE AND PEYTON'S HOUSE","Brooke and Peyton are sitting, watching the sunrise","PEYTON : Hey, you know what? I just thought of something. What if Lucas' Lindsey gave you a lucky bamboo because she was marking her territory with you, too?","BROOKE : Let it go.","PEYTON : I'm calling her \"Lucas' Lindsey\" now. God.","BROOKE : Yeah...","PEYTON : Look at the view. Look, this place is beautiful, but...","BROOKE : But?","PEYTON : I just worry I'm keeping you from your life. I know you came down here for me.","BROOKE : You know, in New York, I had everything I thought I wanted... money, celebrity, success. But you know what I didn't have? Sunrise with my best friend.","(Victoria just walks in)","VICTORIA : Well, isn't that sweet?","BROOKE : What are you doing here?","VICTORIA : When you stupidly charge a house to the company, we have to confirm the address. Vacation's over. It's time to get back to work.","BROOKE : Forget it. I'm staying here.","VICTORIA : Stop being a spoiled brat. There's a flight in a few hours. I will be on it, and you will be sitting next to me.","BROOKE : No, I'm not going back.","VICTORIA : Brooke.","BROOKE : Mother.","VICTORIA : I'll see you on the plane, my dutiful daughter. Goodbye, Peyton.","PEYTON : Goodbye, Mrs. Davis.","(Victoria leaves)","PEYTON : Well, your mom's still a bitch. What are you gonna do?"],"Show Title":"One Tree Hill","Episode Number":"05x03","Episode Title":"My Way Home is Through You","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"One_Tree_Hill_06x12.json","Recap":["As Lucas takes a trip to Hollywood to meet his film director, Nathan gets a pro basketball try-out. Peyton struggles with Mia to focus on her follow-up album, and Millicent confronts Mouth about Gigi. Julian approaches a dubious Brooke about designing clothes for his movie, and Haley takes a reluctant Jamie to his school talent show. Meanwhile, Peyton fears she may have cancer, because it runs in the family.[19] This episode is named after a song by The Flaming Lips ."],"Transcript":["A little old man and i fell out. I'll tell you what it was all about. He had money, and I had none, And that's the way the noise begun.","RIVERT COURT","Jamie : 74.","Nathan : Sure?","Jamie : Yep. 74 inches, daddy.","Nathan : 6'2\".","Jamie : I can measure again.","Nathan : No. It's okay. I've been 6'2\" since I was 17.","Jamie : Is that bad?","Nathan : Well, if I was 6'5\", I might be in the pros by now.","Jamie : What if you were 8'5\"?","Nathan : I'd probably be dead of heart failure.","Jamie : Well, I think 6'2\" is perfect. Heck, I'd settle for 4'2\".","Nathan : Well, you can thank your short-Pants mom for that. Hey!","Haley : He got some good stuff from me, Like the piano he's gonna rock at the talent show tonight, huh? Huh? Yeah.","Jamie : Are you gonna be there, daddy?","Nathan : I wouldn't miss it.","Jamie : I wish I could come with you today.","Nathan : I know. I tell you what ... I'll tell you all about it, okay?","Haley : And this idea you have? It's what you want to do?","Nathan : It's what I have to do.","BROOKE'S HOUSE","Brooke : Sam! Breakfast!","Jack : Hi.","Brooke : He spent the night in your bed? In my house?!","Sam : Well, I thought it was out time a guy stayed here.","Brooke : Watch yourself.","Sam : Look, he's my friend, and he lives with is brother. And he just ... he beats on him sometimes, and he needed a place to crash.","Brooke : Okay. Does this half-Nude, window-Fleeing friend have a name?","Brooke : Jack Daniels... John \"jack\" Daniels.","Brooke : You expect me to believe that a boy Named after the white-Trash-Rock-Band drink of choice Spent the night in your bed and nothing happened?","Sam : Dude, I'm like 15.","Brooke : Like that matters! When i was 15 ... Never mind. Tell me when someone is staying in my house, And if your friend needs a place to \"crash\" again, He can sleep on the couch! Now just... Go do something.","AT THE BAR","Julian : Hi, Luke.","Lucas : I'll stay on the movie... because it matters to me. But you and i are not friends,","Julian : And you'd Peyton aren't anything.","Flash","Medecin : How is our girl Peyton? And how long have you been experiencing this pain?","Peyton : A few days.","Medecin : Any history of diabetes in the family? Ulcers?","Peyton : Um...no.","Medecin : Cancer?","Peyton : My birth mother died of cancer. Why? What ... what's the face that you're making?","Medecin : We just want to run some tests.","Julian : Consider it a test. You fly to los Angeles, and while you're gone, If Peyton doesn't fall in love with me again, Then you'll know you two were meant to be.","Lucas : You're a dick. You know that?","Julian : Listen, the truth is, this guy's an a-List director. He's got several offers, and you need to meet with him.","Lucas : Today? Why?","Julian : Because i told you we'd be equal partners on this movie, And i need you to sign off on him.","Lucas : What are you gonna do?","Julian : I'm producing a movie, Luke. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not staying in town to hit on your fianc\u00e9e. It's your book.","John : What?","Sam : You just froze there, halfway out the window. You looked like such a dork.","John : Well, you're the one who didn't set the alarm right.","Sam : Whatever. She thought we were doing it. As if.","John : What do you mean, \"as if\"? A lot of girls would do it with me.","Sam : Yeah. But those girls are called prostitutes.","John : Why? Sam Hi. Producer guy, right?","Julian : Orphan girl, right? From the concert?","Sam : Sam.","Julian : Julian.","Sam : I know. You can help me.","Julian : Good. You can help me, too.","SCOTT'S HOUSE","Jamie : So, what happens at this... what do you call it?","Nathan : It's called a combine. Coaches and scouts from the pro teams come watch you play.","Jamie : And they pick you for the NBA?","Nathan : You find them yet?","Jamie : No. Hey, Ii think you should wear the number 12 next.","Nathan : Why?","Jamie : I don't know. I like the number 12. That's what I'm gonna wear when I'm in the pros.","Nathan : All right.","Jamie : Okay, I found them.","Nathan : Oh, good.","Jamie : These are really ugly, dad.","Nathan : Well, they made a few models, So just pick one you like, you knucklehead.","Jamie : Okay.","Nathan : So, your mom's pretty excited About you playing the piano at your talent show tonight.","Jamie : I know.","Nathan : You don't sound very pumped up.","Jamie : I just kind of wanted to tell jokes.","Nathan : Dude, I've heard your jokes. Trust me, stick with the piano.","Jamie : But the song is a kiddy song, and I'm not very good at it.","Nathan : Well, all you can do is the best you can, all right? That's all that matters. Speaking of which. Are you telling me you can't find those shoes by now?","Jamie : Oh, I found the shoes a long time ago. I just like it up here.","Jamie : We found the shoes.","Haley : Yay! All set?","Nathan : Yeah. All right. See you at the talent show.","Haley : Go be great. Love you.","Nathan : Love you.","Jamie : Daddy. All you can do is your best, okay?","AT THE BAR","Julian : You want some coffee with that sugar?","Sam : How do you take yours?","Julian : I don't. Never touch the stuff. So, you said I could help you out. How so?","Sam : I was thinking, um, Maybe you could read some of the stuff I wrote.","Julian : You're a screenwriter?","Sam : I just write things. I get a little pissed off sometimes, you know?","Julian : Okay. Tell me about Brooke Davis.","Sam : Dude, I am so not hooking you two up.","Julian : No, no, her clothing line. Is she any good?","Sam : Yeah. Think you'd be lucky to have her. For the movie, right? That's why you're asking?","Julian : Give me your phone. This is my number. I'm happy to read anything you want to send me.","Sam : You'd do that? I mean, I just kind of heard you're a dick.","Julian : I am. But maybe I'll read something i can steal. I got this. Hey, is she single ... Brooke?","Sam : No... Yeah. You know, I'm betting you're actually nice.","Julian : And I'm betting you're not bitter. Keep writing, Sam. She's out of your league, my brother.","BROOKE'S HOUSE","Millicent : I told Gigi to stay away from Marvin, And the next thing I know, she's hugging him in the parking lot.","Brooke : What were you doing in the parking lot?","Millicent : Spying. Well, what am I supposed to do? She's a horny college party girl.","Brooke : Millie, he's amused by her.","Millicent : So, I don't want a guy who's amused by someone like that.","Brooke : Okay. I know those girls... because I've been those girls. And all guys are amused by it. It doesn't mean anything. Mouth is not gonna fall for that. He's not. Trust me, she's harmless.","AT MARVIN'S WORK","Gigi : You ever think about having s*x on the news desk?","Marvin : No ... Maybe. What are you doing?","Gigi : Well, the news team is on location, so Chris said I could have my going-Away party in here tonight. 6:30 okay?","Marvin : Actually, I have to go to Jamie's talent show.","Gigi : I'm totally not having my going-Away party without you. Please.","Marvin : One drink. I wouldn't miss it.","AT THE STUDIO","Peyton : You're gonna have to miss it.","Mia : Peyton, come on!","Peyton : You have to get back into the studio. Mia, I'm being very serious, okay? I'm so proud of you, and the first record did great. But our label friend, john, who I do not have a thing for, Is getting very impatient for the next one, So just tell me that you have been working on the demos. I asked you to do.","Mia : Peyton, I've had a lot going on.","Peyton : Okay, fine. How many songs do you have?","Mia : I have a couple ideas.","Peyton : All right. The label would like for you to listen to this.","Mia : What for?","Peyton : Because there are some very talented, Very expensive songwriters on there, And they want you to pick a track to record.","Mia : But I write my own songs.","Peyton : Apparently not. Apparently, you just write a couple ideas ... Hello? Hi. Oh, luke. Hi, honey. I'm sorry. No, no, no, I was just expecting another call. Yeah. No, I had to leave really early this morning. Um, I had a ... like a meeting with a band. Can you hold on one second? Okay. Please, just listen to that ... Hi, okay. Sorry. L.A.? Why are you going to L.A.?","AT THE GYMNASIUM","Man : Name and affiliation?","Nathan : Nathan Scott, university of Maryland.","Man : Professional affiliation. Who invited you to the combine?","Nathan : No one did, sir.","Man : These are professional trials, son ... invitation only.","Nathan : I understand that. Look, I was an all-American at Maryland last season, And i was just hoping that ... Look, this is kind of my last shot.","Man : Didn't you get thrown through a window?","Nathan : Please.","Man : I'm sorry. You can't be here.","Coach : Nathan. He's with us. Better go suit up.","AT CLOTHES OVER BROS","[Brooke is dancing like a crazy girl]","Julian : \"Breakfast club.\" You were the priss.","Brooke : Let me guess. You were the stoner?","Julian : Well, if you say so. They end up together.","Brooke : Can I help you?","Julian : You should design the wardrobe for the movie.","Brooke : I'm not a costume designer.","Julian : Oh. I can see that.","Brooke : I'm starting a new line.","Julian : Well, okay, let me try this again. You should design the wardrobe for the movie. You were there, it's authentic, it's press-Worthy, and I would be lucky to have you before the debut of our new line, Which I'm sure is going to be fabulous ... Sorry ... Hello? Yes, this is me. It is too me. Oh, listen, I'm with Brooke right now. No, I'm not gonna blow it. No, I am not. No, I'm not ... Sorry. Sam says hi.","Brooke : Sam? My Sam? And why does my Sam have your phone number?","Julian : She has an interest in the film industry.","Brooke : She is 15, you pervert.","Julian : Okay, just wrap your head around it, okay? You and the movie, I mean. Not me and Sam. She's only 15, you know. You pervert.","AT THE GYMNASIUM","Chris : Hey, man, whose shoes are those?","Nathan : Mine.","Chris : I know that, but I'm saying, who else shoes are they? Ray Allen? Kg?","Nathan : I heard what you asked. I meant what i said. They're mine.","Chris : Whatever you say, baller. Kid got his own shoe contract, but he's still trying out for the big league. Don't matter none, anyhow. Ain't nobody gonna give no roster spot To no fool with no green elf shoes on. Hey, man, let me see those things, riddler.","Man : 37 inches.","Nathan : Get a close enough look?","Man : 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17...","Man : 3.1.","Coach : Shame how you've let yourself go, Nate.","BROOKE'S HOUSE","Sam : You were kind of skanky, weren't you?","Brooke : What?","Sam : In high school. You acted all weird this morning. Because you were totally having s*x at 15.","Brooke : I was not.","Sam : You were, too. Is that where \"clothes over bros\" came from? Tired of being the dirty girl? 'Cause you're a bit of a prude now.","Brooke : First of all, shut it. Second of all, if I have been a little frigid lately... It's probably because I ... was attacked at my store ... not long before you moved in, and it's made me a little closed off ... Especially with boys.","Sam : Oh, my god. Brooke, did he ...","Brooke : No. No. But I've been really angry about it, and i have a whole no other set of issues with Owen. And I'm ... Trying to let it all go, and i just wanted you to know. Because... i just want you to know.","Sam : Okay?","Brooke : Okay ... And, yeah... for the record, I was pretty slutty in high school. And i wish i wouldn't have been, 'cause you don't get to take any of that back.","Sam : Brooke ... I like talking to you.","Brooke : Thanks, Sam. I like talking to you, too.","AT DIXON'S STUDIO","Lucas : Excuse me! Excuse me! Hi. Uh, I'm ...","Dixon : Lucas Scott! \"And in that moment, he realized it's not what you are or who you are, but who they allow you to be.\" That is good writing. Really good writing! I love this script. Love it!","AT SCOTT'S HOUSE","Jamie : I don't want to come out.","Haley : Come on, buddy. I want to see you.","Jamie : No, i look like a tool.","Haley : James Lucas Scott. You look so awesome!","Jamie : I look like a penguin.","Haley : You look cute! Now come over here, and we will go over this song again. Little tie! Looks so cute.","Jamie : Sorry, I always mess that up.","Haley : It's okay. You nervous?","Jamie : A little.","Haley : Yeah, you definitely get that from me.","Jamie : I wonder how daddy's doing.","AT THE GYMNASIUM","Chris : I remember now. You played at Maryland, right? Got into a scrape right before the draft. Man, you that fool.","Man : 6'5 1\/4\".","Chris : You hear that? Point guard! 6'5 1\/4\". Thank you, god and my mama. Nathan Scott, ladies and gentlemen.","Man : 6'2.\"","Chris : Ooh, 6'2\" shooting guard. Are there any scouts out here for the ymca rec league?","Coach : All right, all right. Gentlemen, we're gonna divide you up into groups and let you play. Point guards on my right. Two-Guards on my left. Forwards and centers, other end of the court. Show us what you got.","Chris : Let's go, fellas.","Man : Nathan. Two-Guards over here.","Nathan : I'm trying out as a point guard.","Coach : Okay. But... you ever played the point?","Flash back","Nathan : Well, I've never played point guard in my life.","Quentin : You better learn, 'Cause you're too short to play the two in the pros. Bro, you 6'2\".","Nathan : And I was also 12 hours away From being an NBA lottery pick, you idiot.","Quentin : Well, I'm glad you had the accident, 'Cause you sure wouldn't have made it. You got to move to the point.","Nathan : You're out of your mind! You realize nobody's ever told me this before?","Quentin : Well, I'm telling you now, all right? And anyways, man, they all get their commission when you sign. Ain't like nobody gonna risk their 10% by telling you the truth. Huh? Now, look, Nate. Yo, if you can make it by playing against tall guys at the two, man, all good. But if you can't, we work on your handle, we work on your quickness, and we make damn sure you got the best shot of playing pro ball.","Nathan : Why are you doing this for me, Q?","Quentin : This ain't just your dream, man. Let's work on that left. Numbers are funny. They can measure you, time you, analyze you all they want, but they all know what really matters Is how you play the game. He think I've lost a step because of my accident. So he's gonna play me tight. I haven't.","Mans : Whoo! Now he'll back off because he doesn't want to get beat off the dribble. Just a half step. That's a mistake.","Mans : Whoo! You ever heard the expression \"they can't measure heart\"? Well, the truth is, they can't measure any of it ... Heart, want, need. They think i can't play point guard. But Q knew I could.","Mans : Whoo! You can't measure a dream.","MOUTH'S WORK","Gigi : Mouth, you made it. Here, you better catch up.","Mouth : You're like the devil. You know that?","Gigi : No, just devilish. What's that?","Mouth : Just a little going-Away present.","Gigi : Oh, it's the t-Shirt I slept in after I threw up and passed out in your bed. Oh, it's so sweet. You never told me how you got me into this t-Shirt, Mouth. Maybe sometime you can get me out of it.","AT DIXON'S STUDIO","Dixon : Is this your first script?","Lucas : Yeah.","Dixon : Don't worry. I'll fix I","Lucas : Uh, is there something wrong with it?","Dixon : No. I love it. I said i love it, and i love it. A couple thoughts, that's all.","Lucas : Okay, like what?","Dixon : All right, clear your head, all right? What if Haley... Dies?","Lucas : You're serious?","Dixon : I'm saying think about it. People love that stuff. Man, DiCaprio died in \"titanic.\" That is gold, baby, gold!","Lucas : Yes, but it didn't happen.","Dixon : It doesn't matter. Let me ask you this. Who goes to see this movie? The same little bitches who went and saw \"titanic.\" Young girls, man. They don't have a voice, But when they find something that speaks to them, We're talking box office, baby! You're king of the world! Whew!","Lucas : Even so, Haley can't just..Ie.","Dixon : You got a vision. I can respect that. What about this? ... What if Lucas and Haley get married? I'm serious about this one, 'Cause if there's one thing that I know, It's that audiences get crazy over who ends up together. It's what I do, Luke. It's what I know. Think about it.","AT CLOTHES OVER BROS","Brooke : I thought about it. And I'm not interested.","Julian : You couldn't have told me that over the phone?","Brooke : Well, that, yeah, But the rest of this I wanted to say to your face. I don't trust you ... Not with Peyton, and definitely not with Sam. And that is not gonna get you anywhere ... the grin. I'm sure it's gotten you in a lot of doors And in a lot of beds, but it's not gonna do you any good with me.","Julian : Listen, Brooke, when i make a movie, I set the bar as high as I possibly can. I put together y wish-List cast, My wish-List crew, my wish-List designer, And sometimes, you know, the timing works out, The material works out, and you get lucky. Sometimes you don't. Good luck with everything.","PEYTON'S STUDIO","Mia : I didn't listen to it. I write my own songs.","Peyton : Mia, I am not in the best mood right now, and so it is a very bad time for you to make some naive little stand.","Mia : You think I'm naive? Peyton, I am not the same girl who left on tour last year, okay?","Peyton : God, I hope that's not true, because i liked that girl. As a matter of fact, i loved that girl.","Mia : Oh, really? Then what happened to protecting her? What happened to telling the label to be patient, because my songs are gonna be great?","Peyton : Oh, I've been doing that! I have been doing that for months now! But what happened to actually doing the work, Mia? Now, the label wants you to record this song Because they care. When they stop caring, that's when we have a problem.","Mia : Well, I'm not gonna do it.","Peyton : You are being so ungrateful! Do you understand? I put my ass on the line for you every single day!","Mia : Well, I put my ass on the line for you every single night, Peyton. Okay? Literally. Did you see how short that skirt was that you put me in at the U.S.O. Show? But I did it. I've done everything you've asked me to do, but I am not gonna do this.","Peyton : Hey. I'm not sure you should be on this label anymore. Life's too short. Trust me.","SCHOOL TALENTS","Chuck : Man, Madison's really killing it.","Jamie : I knew I should've told jokes.","Chuck : Seriously. You're hosed.","Mouth : Hi.","Haley : Hey! You smell like alcohol.","Mouth : Really?","Haley : Yeah.","Mouth : Is it bad?","Haley : No. Do you have any with you?","Mouth : No.","Brooke : Hey! Look who we found!","Haley : Hey!","Nathan : Hi, mouth.","Haley : Hey, baby. How did it go?","Nathan : I did what my son told me to ... the best I could.","Haley : Here he comes!","Brooke : He looks so cute!","Haley : He's nervous.","Jamie : Hi, my name is James Lucas Scott, and I'm gonna play \"the first noel.\"","Haley : He's just got to get past this first part,","Nathan : And he'll be good.","Haley : Oh, no.","Jamie : This is awkward ... How's everyone doing tonight? ... Last week, my mom asked me how I liked going to school ... I told her, \"not as much as I like coming home from it.\" And seriously, what's with the cafeteria food? I mean, i can't tell if kids are out sick from eating that stuff, or we're actually eating the kids who are out sick. Take my hot lunch...please. And now, the big finish ... Something like that. What do you want from me? I'm 5. Thank you and good night!","AT THE BAR","Sam : Should've gone to Jamie's talent show with Brooke.","John : You're kidding, right?","Sam : I like them. They're nice to me.","John : I think it's funny how you stole from Brooke Davis and called her a bitch, and now you like her.","Sam : I was pissed off. So what?","John : What'd you say after she caught you shoplifting? You said she was a rich bitch and someone should put her in her place.","Sam : So?","John : You said someone should put her in her place, Sam.","AT DIXON'S STUDIO","Dixon : So, tell me again why Lucas has to end up with Peyton.","Lucas : Because they do. Because that's the story. Because that's what happened.","Dixon : It's a movie! Got to raise the stakes. Kill off one of the younger characters.","PEYTON'S STUDIO","Peyton : Hello? Hi, doctor. It's me. Well, what does that mean? What's wrong?","AT BROOKE'S HOUSE","Sam : After you caught me shoplifting. I was with my friends, and I said some terrible things about you.","Brooke : Okay. Sam, what happened?","Sam : Well ... don't, please. Just don't. But i didn't mean them. I didn't ... I didn't mean any of it.","Brooke : But ... Sam, I'm sorry. I don't understand.","Sam : The attack ... it was my fault.","AT THE TRIC","Julian : Bourbon is a good, honest drink, you know? Classier than whiskey. Less of a stick up its ass than scotch.","Owen : I'm an alcoholic.","Brooke : Owen... Has Sam been in here tonight?","Owen : No. Why? What's wrong?","Brooke : We had a ... a thing and she left and i let her go and i shouldn't have.","Owen : It's okay. Here, have a seat.","Brooke : No, i have to find her.","Owen : Brooke, come on, she's a teenager. She's not even your teenager.","Brooke : And what is that supposed to mean?","Julian : I'll let you two...","Brooke : Julian, if she calls you ...","Julian : It's not my problem.","Owen : Look ... I just mean it's not like she's gonna stay with you forever, right?","Brooke : What is wrong with you? I came here because I need your help.","Owen : But, I mean, you know Sam. She'll turn up.","Brooke : No. It's different this time. But with you, it's exactly the same.","Owen : Hey, Brooke! That's not fair.","Brooke : I have to find her! But I'll do it by myself, just like I always do. Don't call me anymore.","MOUTH'S HOUSE","Mouth : So, how about we rent a movie, and then we can ...","Millicent : I was looking for the number for the pizza place.","Mouth : Oh, no. No, no, Millie, it's not ...","Millicent : It's not what it looks like? This isn't a half-Naked picture of your ex-Girlfriend in one of your t-Shirts?","Mouth : She sent it to me tonight. It was a joke. Millie, please. There is nothing going on between us, i swear. I-I was gonna delete it.","Millicent : But you didn't. You know what? You're an idiot.","Mouth : Millie, don't go, please. It doesn't mean anything.","Millicent : You're wrong, Marvin. It means everything.","SCOTT'S HOUSE","Haley : How funny was your son tonight?","Nathan : Oh, he was goofy, like his mom.","Haley : I think he was brave, like his dad. Mmm. So, what's next with our comeback?","Nathan : Well, what's next is the phone's gonna ring, and the answer is either gonna be a yes or a no.","Haley : It's going to be a yes.","Nathan : I hope so. But if it's a no, then this is the end of it, and i'm okay with that.","AT THE TRIC","Owen : Rough night, Millie?","Millicent : Horrible.","Owen : Yeah, me, too. You know I haven't had a drink in over eight years? Tonight, that's gonna change.","Millicent : I haven't had s*x in over 22 years and tonight, that's gonna change.","AT THE BAR","Julian : Thank you.","Brooke : Hey.","Julian : Hey, any luck?","Brooke : Uh, no. Are you looking for her, too?","Julian : I'm not that guy, Brooke. I'm just getting coffee. Sorry.","Brooke : Excuse me. I'm looking for someone, uh, A young girl that comes in here a lot. She's kind of a skater, sarcastic.","Girl : Let me guess. Her name is Sam, and she puts a lot of sugar in her coffee.","Brooke : You've seen her?","Girl : No, but that cute guy that just left asked me the same exact thing.","Brooke : Thanks.","SCOTT'S HOUSE","Nathan : And then he got worried, and he backed off just a half step. So, what do you think I did?","Jamie : Pulled up for 3 ... nothing but net.","Nathan : That's right. You know, I'm proud of you, buddy. You took something that would've beaten most people, and you kept going with it. You turned it into something great.","Jamie : So did you, daddy.","Haley : All right, Chris rock, I know you're still wired, but it's time for bed.","Jamie : How about a nursery rhyme?","Haley : Okay. But you're gonna have to read it. You want an old-School, creepy one, or a new, good-For-You one?","Jamie : Old-School creepy. Okay.","Haley : Okay. There. Gentle.","Jamie : \"A man of words and not of deeds... Is like a garden full of weeds.\"","\"And when the weeds begin to grow, ... It's like a garden full of snow.\" \"And when the snow begins to fall, ... It's like a bird upon the wall.\" \"And when the bird away does fly, ... It's like an eagle in the sky.\" \"And when the y begins to roar,... It's like a lion at the door.\"","Peyton : Hi! I have to tell you something. \"And when the door begins to crack,... It's like a stick across your back.\" \"And when your back begins to smart...\"","John : Hey. You okay? \"...It's like a penknife in your heart.\"","John : Sam, this is my brother, \"x.\" Flash back","X : Have a nice night?","X : Have a bad night? \"And when your heart begins to bleed, ... You're dead ... And dead ... and dead indeed. \""],"Show Title":"One Tree Hill","Episode Number":"06x12","Episode Title":"You Have to Be Joking (Autopsy of the Devil's Brain)","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"One_Tree_Hill_07x16.json","Recap":["Haley, Quinn and Taylor receive life-changing news when their mom Lydia shows up to town. Brooke and Julian try to find a balance between their personal lives and work as the movie shoot begins. Alex sets her sights on Alexander, and Millicent finds herself struggling with temptation. This episode is named after a song by PlayRadioPlay!"],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Woman : You are heading down a dangerous path. You don't have a job --","Victoria : Your honor... She does have a job. She works for me.","Alex : How did we get the funding for the movie?","Julian : My father and I put up the money, because I believe in you.","Julian : The movie shoots in a week, and we don't have a costume designer, which is why I'm asking you now.","Brooke : We just broke up.","Julian : I want to direct.","Paul : You were at the top of the list. Better get to work.","Quinn : I'm sorry I lied to you. This is yours. Just maybe don't give it to Taylor.","Julian : So, let's make someone's favorite movie!","Cast : Yeah? Let's go.","AT SCOTT'S HOUSE","Quinn : Okay. What?","Taylor : David left me.","Quinn : Smart move. You're not seriously looking to me for sympathy, are you?","Taylor : I really liked him.","Quinn : Yeah.","Taylor : And nobody's ever left me before, especially not a guy like David.","Quinn : And what's that supposed to mean?","Taylor : It's not like he's a super big catch or anything.","Quinn : Oh, look, 9 across -- \"superficial bitch.\" T-a-y-l-o-r.","Haley : Language. Oh, come on. This happens every morning.","Taylor : Maybe you should get up a little bit earlier.","Haley : And maybe you should make more when you take the last of it.","Taylor : I didn't. Quinn did.","Quinn : No, I didn't.","Jamie : Who ate all my cereal?","Taylor : Quinn.","Quinn : Taylor. Sorry, buddy, Taylor likes to take things that aren't hers.","Haley : Sweetie, we have plenty more cereal.","Quinn : So, hales.","Haley : Huh?","Quinn : David broke up with Taylor.","Taylor : I'm glad you find my heartbreak amusing.","Haley : I'm sorry. You guys broke up? Oh, no.","Nathan : Okay, come on, Jamie. Let's go out for breakfast.","Jamie : Good idea. Bye, mom.","Haley : Bye.","Quinn : Way to go, Tay.","Quinn : You scared off half the family.","Taylor : No, you did with your morning breath.","Haley : No milk? Are you kidding me?","AT CLOTHES OVER BROS","Victoria : Well, somebody's trying to win The super-assistant award this morning.","Millicent : Morning, Victoria. Double nonfat macchiato -- should still be hot. Aren't these pieces amazing? I've already steamed, priced, and displayed The rest of the shipment -- look. What?","Victoria : Are you... How are you feeling?","Millicent : I'm fine, really.","Victoria : This isn't the manic work of drug-doer Millie.","Millicent : I'm just really, really trying to prove myself to you and Brooke.","Victoria : Promise me that if things get hard, You don't disappear into some dark alley. You can talk to me.","Millicent : No dark alleys for me, I promise.","AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE","Clay : No, the advance can't be 50% applicable, And you know this. Come in. Uh-huh. Well, it -- it's because it's standard In these types of deals.","Nathan : All right, Clay's got all the good stuff. What do you want?","Jamie : Um, can I mix fruity ones with cocoa ones?","Nathan : That's gross. Go for it.","Clay : What's up, Nate? How you doing today, Scott? Hey, boy.","Jamie : Ah, too many girls at our house, not enough cereal.","Clay : All right. Glad to see your priorities are straight. Cereal first.","Jamie : Thanks.","Clay : Whew. I'll be outside. Got crazy endorsements -- crazy.","Jamie : Clay's got all the good stuff.","Nathan : Yes, he does.","Jamie : Cocoa.","AT JULIAN'S OFFICE","Brooke : Hey.","Julian : Hi.","Brooke : How's everything going?","Julian : Uh, okay, I guess. I'm struggling with the dialogue in this scene. It -- it doesn't feel honest.","Brooke : What's the scene?","Julian : Um... It's the one where he leaves her.","Brooke : Oh. Well, I think all girls understand The moment there's another girl. So maybe it's about what they don't say.","Julian : Actually, I was thinking he doesn't say enough, you know? I mean, she's got to know that he loved her, But if she doesn't, He needs to find the words to convince her.","Brooke : And what are those words?","Julian : I don't know yet. But I'm gonna find them. I mean... The movie depends on it.","Brooke : Right. Well, then, I should get back to work.","AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE","Haley : I know. I mean, give me a break.","Nathan : What are you guys doing here?","Haley : Uh, we are out for breakfast.","Nathan : You're hiding from Taylor.","Haley : Hiding? No. Yes, we are yeah.","Haley : Don't answer it.","Taylor : Really, bitches?","Jamie : Language!","Taylor : You're hiding. I get it.","Quinn : Uh, no, we aren't. We were just leaving.","Taylor : Whatever. I guess it'll just be me and mom, then.","Lydia : Well, well. Hiding from Taylor?","Jamie : Grandma!","Lydia : Hey, handsome! Ooh!","Haley : Mom, what are you doing here?","Lydia : What, I can't come to see my three favorite daughters?","Quinn : We all know you don't like Taylor that much.","Lydia : Oh, lord, some things never change. Get over here. Mm. Nathan. How are you? How are you, sweetie?","Nathan : Good to see you.","IN THE DRESSING ROOM","Julian : Can we make her sexier? I mean, not slutty, just sexy...Er.","Brooke : Yeah. We'll tuck this and...","Julian : No, I like the sleeves up.","Brooke : Slutty. Um, I'm gonna take up the hem.","Julian : Okay, whatever you think. Rehearsal in 20?","Brooke : Yeah, we'll be ready.","Alex : You didn't have to do that, with the sleeves.","Brooke : I know. It looks better like this.","Alex : Oh. Right.","Brooke : I need you to pick one.","Alex : Uh, I like them both. You decide.","Brooke : Try this one on while I fix what you're wearing.","Alex : Brooke, I'm sorry that you and Julian broke up.","Brooke : Okay.","Alex : Okay. I'll try this on.","ON THE BEACH","Haley : Hey, be careful.","Lydia : Isn't it about time For you and Nathan to have another one? I mean, you're not getting any younger.","Haley : Very funny. Neither is quinn.","Quinn : Oh, thanks.","Lydia : I always thought that you and david would have lots and lots of babies.","Quinn : Yeah, that's Tayylor's department now.","Lydia : What? Tay and David?","Quinn : Well, not anymore. He broke up with her this morning.","Lydia : Oh! Are you okay?","Quinn : Yeah. I'm happy, and he's happy. Taylor's unhappy. That's all that matters.","Lydia : Clay's kind of cute.","Quinn : Clay's amazing.","Lydia : Well, that's good.","Quinn : And what about you, mom? You okay without daddy?","Lydia : I am today.","AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS","Grubbs : You like it?","Miranda : I'm not flower-friendly.","Grubbs : Everybody likes flowers.","Miranda : I didn't say I dislike them. I simply can't keep them alive. Flowers in a vase are better. They last a limited amount of time, and no care is required.","Grubbs : Are you scared?","Miranda : Of what?","Grubbs : Of being my girlfriend.","Miranda : Look. I'm not your girlfriend, and the odds of that happening Are about as good as me keeping that orchid alive -- Slim to none. And let's be honest. You're the one that's scared. You're talented, and yet you won't make a record. I'd just like to know why.","Grubbs : It's too personal.","Miranda : \"it's too personal.\"","ON THE SET","Alex : Are those supposed to wash it all away, The \"I'll always love you's, the \"I don't blame you's, The \"forever's?","Julian : Cut. Let's go again.","Paul : Julian, this is the 14th take. She's not getting it. We're into a couple of meal penalties. We got to move on.","Julian : It's -- it's an important scene, dad. She'll get it.","Alex : I'm so sorry. I Ju -- I can't get there emotionally. I'm trying, but --","Julian : It's okay.","Alex : No, it's not okay. I suck.","Julian : No, you'll find it. They're your words. You wrote them because they mean something to you. Okay, I know you can do this. Just -- just s the line to me.","Alex : Sure, help me. Clean me up. Make me immaculate. Fill me up with your promises and words and lies.","Julian : Okay, say it again, but just stay with me. Let me help you.","Alex : Mnh-mnh.","Julian : Say the line again, but look at me. Look at me. Just stay with me.","Alex : Sure, help me. Clean me up. Make me immaculate. Fill me up with your promises.","Julian : Okay, roll camera. We're gonna tail-slate it. Again. Elise, let me help you.","Alex : Sure, help me. Clean me up. Make me immaculate. Fill me up with your promises and words and lies.","Julian : Elise, please.","Alex : Tears, Max? Are these supposed to wash it all away, The \"I always love you's, the \"I don't blame you's, The \"forever's?","Julian : Cut. Check the gate. That's perfect.","Man : Okay, mark.","Julian : Good job.","Paul : You did it.","Julian : No, Alex did it.","Paul : Okay.","AT TRIC","Grubbs : You're feeling a bottle of something, but you should stick with water. It's safer emotionally. You want to talk about it?","Brooke : I took a job to be near my ex. It's painful. But it's worse to be away from him. Sorry. I don't mean to be the sad, pouty girl who comes in, dumps all her problems on you.","Grubbs : You are talking to a guy who wrote an entire album about a girl -- Every song.","Brooke : What happened?","Grubbs : She's with someone else now.","Brooke : How did you know it was over?","Grubbs : You know, for the longest time, whenever I would see her, even after we weren't together a more, she would tell me that she missed me. And I would look into her eyes, and I knew she meant it. Then one day, she just stopped saying it, and I knew she was gone.","AT THE ANONYMOUS ALCOOLICS","Woman : I went in for one drink and told my daughter to stay in the car, That mama would be right back.","Millicent : Excuse me. Hi. Would you mind signing this reallyuick? It's just a court thing.","Man : You not have to explain.","Millicent : Oh.","Man : You know, it might help you to stay.","Millicent : It's okay. It was just a small driving incint. I'm fine. Thank you.","AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE","Clay : Thank you.","Lydia : There you go. Quinn's told me a lot about you.","Clay : All good, I ho.","Lydia : Mm. You make her very, very happy. You knowhat worried look she gets? It's gone.","Clay : She means the world to me.","Lydia : I was sorry to hear about your wife. I lost my husband, too, a few years back.","Clay : Quinn mentioned that. I'm sorry, too.","Lydia : It's hard, isn't it, Learning to live without them?","Clay : Yeah. It's hard mang new memories, you know, like it's not fair to them.","Lydia : I think it not fair to them not to. I mean, they'd want that, wouldn't they? They'd want to know that we faced their absence with dignity and grace.","Clay : Yeah, well, the truth is, I'm not sure I've been thatracious about any of it.","Lydia : You're still here, aren't you, Still finding your way? That's about as much grace as anyone can ask.","AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS","Miranda : Oh, Haley, I'm so glad you're here.","Haley : You're chipper. I don't think you've ever been happy to see me.","Miranda : I need you to convince Grubbs to record.","Haley : Um, I-I'm sorry. My mom's in town, so I'm gonna be spending the day with her. Since when do you need my help convincing someone to do something they don't want to do? You're great at that.","Miranda : It's true, but this one is different. He called me... his girlfriend.","Haley : That's so sweet.","Miranda : It's not sweet, and don't confuse the issue. He's good. He's really good. And our label could use him.","Haley : You totally have a boyfriend. Go get him, tiger.","Miranda : He's not my boyfriend!","ON THE SET","Jamie : Whoa, this is cool. It's exactly like uncle Lucas' house.","Julian : Hey, there's my first A.D.","Jamie : Oh, cool.","Julian : So, I need some background footage of the set and behind-the-scenes stuff. Think you can handle that?","Nathan : So, you working hard or hardly working? \"Shrek 2.\"","Julian : Dude, that's your movie quote? That's, like, a common expression.","Nathan : Yeah?","Julian : Yeah. Wow, \"Shrek 2.\"","Nathan : I like \"Shrek 2.\"","Alex : Hey, bitch.","Millicent : Hey.","Alex : Oh, you're cranky.","Millicent : No, I'm not. I'm fine. Okay, sort of cranky that I have to go to these meetings. It's a bunch of losers with serious problems, Like leave-your-kid-in-the-car or burn-your-house-down-'cause you're-so-wasted problems. Mine -- not so big.","Alex : Right.","Millicent : Whatever. How's being a movie star again?","Alex : Try worst actress ever -- 14 takes this morning. Not awesome. Julian was great, but I'm just -- I'm really frustrated.","Millicent : You'll be okay. You're Alex Dupr\u00e9","Man : Alex, they're ready for you.","Alex : Okay, thanks. Yeah, well, hopefully Alex Dupr\u00e9 figures it out before she brings down the whole movie set. Later, bitch. Oh, Millie. Those people at the meetings -- their problems started out not so big, too.","Julian : So, I want the camera to circle right while zooming, As if we're being drawn into them. Then I want to slow the movement and end on a tight close-up of Alex -- no cutting. Got it?","Alexander : Nice shot, Hitchcock. It's \"Vertigo,\" right? Hey, beauty. I have the suit sample.","Brooke : Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme. I die. I love it.","Alexander : Yeah?","Brooke : I'd love it with a slimmer leg, an eighth of an inch on either side.","Alexander : Got it. So, I'm thinking we'll be ready to unveil in about a month.","Brooke : You are good, Alexander Coyne.","Alexander : No, you're good, Brooke Davis.","Alex : Brooke, they're doing last looks.","Brooke : Okay.","Alexander : And you look hot. Wow. Do you, uh, need any help with that?","Brooke : No, I'm good, but feel free To go make the adjustments to that suit, now.","Alex : Or you could just stay and do it later.","Brooke : Okay. Really?","Alexander : She is pretty hot.","Brooke : Another guy hypnotized by Alex. She's like a freaking siren.","Alexander : Hey, there's no woman as alluring as you, Brooke Davis. I think I should get back to work.","Brooke : Good idea. Hey. I appreciate you being around. I know you didn't sign up for a lot of this.","Alexander : Yeah, no worries. I'm here for whatever you need.","ON BACKSTAGE","Julian : So, Alexander's kind of a tool, huh?","Brooke : If by tool, you mean really good designer.","Julian : Yeah, tool.","Brooke : Wow, and I was just gonna tell you that you did a really good job with Alex on that scene today. And then I was maybe gonna tell you that you're a natural.","Julian : I don't know if a natural would need 14 takes to direct one scene.","Brooke : Don't be so hard on yourself.","Julian : Is this too hard on you?","Brooke : I'm okay.","Paul : Julian, can I talk to you?","Julian : Yeah.","Brooke : I was just leaving.","Paul : I see you're driving that truck. What happened to your Mercedes?","Julian : I sold it.","Paul : To help finance the movie?","Julian : Mm-hmm.","Paul : You shouldn't be risking everything on this.","Julian : Look, I got to get back to work, dad.","Paul : Then I'll get to the point. Alex has to be better, or we're gonna be in serious trouble here.","Julian : She will be.","Assistante : Your coffee, sir.","Paul : Thank you.","Brooke : Jamie, you bug, you are exactly what I need to brighten my day. What are you doing?","Jamie : Capturing behind-the-scenes footage.","Brooke : Oh, well, make me look fabulous.Hi.","Nathan : How you doing?","Brooke : Well, you know, working on the ex-boyfriend's movie In the ex-ex boyfriend's house is kind of weird, but I'm managing.","Nathan : What's going on with the ex-boyfriend part?","Brooke : We're trying to be friends.","Nathan : And he's okay with that?","Brooke : He's fine. I'm fine. Everything's gonna be fine.","Nathan : All right, well, let me know If you need me to knock some sense into the guy.","Brooke : Thanks.","AT CLOTHES OVER BROS","Woman : Kind of slow in here.","Girl 1 : Oh, these are cute.","Girl 2 : Ah, there's this.","Millicent : Can I help you find anything?","Girl 1 : Oh, no, we're just looking.","Millicent : Okay.","Girl 1 : Hey, uh, aren't you the model for clothes over bros?","Millicent : Yeah. Well, I was for that campaign.","Girl 1 : Why are you folding clothes?","Millicent : Oh, um...I do a lot of things for the company. Well, let me know if you need anything.","Girl 1 : Okay. Thanks.","Girl 2 : God, she looks so plain.","Girl 1 : I know.","Girl 2 : Mm-hmm.","Girl 1 : I don't know. I think shirt.","ON BACKSTAGE","Alex : Hi. You got a sec?","Julian : Yeah, of course.","Alex : First of all, I, um -- I just want to thank you for everything you've done for me. It means -- Well, it means a lot.","Julian : Don't worry about it. What's going on?","Alex : You sold your car. How much money did you put up?","Julian : Alex -","Alex : Julian, how much?","Julian : All of it.","Alex : Julian, what if I let you down? Then what?","Julian : You're not gonna let me down.","Alex : But you put everything you had into this movie. Why did you do that?","Man : Two minutes!","Julian : Because you put everything you had into this script. And it's good. And you're good. Okay? You're not gonna let me down.","NEAR THE RIVER","Lydia : Oh, Haley. It is such a beautiful home. I am so proud of you and Nathan.","Haley : Thanks. I feel really lucky to have him and Jamie. And it's great, you know, 'cause all the stuff doesn't matter so much. It's just - although I'm really grateful to have all the extra space Now that Quinn and Taylor are here.","Lydia : Well, it's an important role being your sisters' keeper. They're lucky to have you.","Haley : Well, I'm glad that you're here Because I don't speak Taylor fluently, and I really need you to translate.","Lydia : Taylor has always been rebellious. That girl follows her heart without thinking twice about it.","Haley : Or once. So...What's going on, mom? What brings you to town?","Lydia : I'm just checking in on my babies. I started with the oldest, finished with the best.","Haley : Mm. Nobody told me you were coming.","Lydia : Well, that's because I wouldn't let them. I'm a big fan of surprises.","Haley : Oh.","Lydia : Now, come on. Fill me in on everything that's been going on. And don't leave out the good parts.","Haley : Okay. Well, Jamie's going to a new school, and...","AT TRIC","Miranda : So, let me get this straight. You don't want to make a record because it's too personal?","Grubbs : That's right.","Miranda : Personal sells albums. Personal wins Grammys. People can -- Okay, well, most people can relate to personal. They want to hear the songs with the words that they're too afraid to say. So...When you're ready -- Ahh -- man up... And make a record with me.","ON THE SET","Jamie : I can't believe this looks exactly like uncle Lucas' room. Hey, remember that time he had a Mohawk?","Nathan : Yeah.","Jamie : That was cool.","Nathan : You miss him?","Jamie : Yeah. I miss lots of people, I guess --Aunt Peyton and uncle Skills and Quentin. And grandpa Dan -- I miss him a lot.","Nathan : Yeah, it's hard when you miss people. But, you know, if you miss them, it means you were lucky. It means you had someone special in your life, someone worth missing.","Jamie : Yeah, I guess. I just don't like the missing part so much.","Nathan : Yeah, me neither.","AT SCOTT'S HOUSE","Haley : Not fair. True. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my god. You remember this?","Quinn : This is horrible. Oh, mom, look at my hair. You gave me the most awful haircut.","Lydia : It wasn't terrible. It was cute, baby. Look at you, with your little face and those great big glasses.","Haley : She was teased for that haircut, like, every day.","Quinn : Yeah, I cried for like a week, and then I wore a mop head around the house To have princess hair.","Taylor : Haley was such a pudge.","Haley : I was a baby. You're supposed to be fat when you're -- give me that.","Quinn : Do you remember When you used to stuff your bra, like, a lot?","Taylor : Mom, you have extras of this?","Lydia : Uh, I think I have pictures of just about all of it. Oh.","Haley : Are you okay, mom?","Lydia : Um...I'm sick. Look at me. I swore I wasn't gonna cry, but, boy, these tears are stubborn.","Haley : Mom, but you're gonna be okay, though, right?","Lydia : No. I'm not.","Haley : What do you mean mom, what's wrong?","Lydia : I have cancer. It's pancreatic. And that means that even with aggressive treatment, I wouldn't have much time left.","Quinn : But there has to be options, right?","Lydia : There aren't, quinny.","Haley : Well, you have to try.","Lydia : Okay, now, I have made my decision. And what I want to do is I want to live the rest of my life fully, With my family, not in some cold hospital.","Haley : Mom, you need to be doing Everything that you can right now.","Lydia l Haley, I have come to terms with this, And this is how I want to do it.","Taylor : You're giving up.","Lydia : No, I am not giving up. I'm gonna die.","Haley : Mom, don't say that!","Lydia : I can't change that, okay, So I've accepted it.","Quinn : How? How do you just accept it, mom? You have to fight.","Lydia : Because I want to enjoy the time I have left.","Taylor : Like you've been enjoying every day since dad died? You're giving up, and you know it. You're committing suicide. I mean, maybe Quinn can take a picture of it, and we can just add it to this stupid box.","Haley : Taylor. Tay.","ON BACKSTAGE","Alex : Here's my wardrobe.","Brooke : Thanks. I -- I shortened the dress for tomorrow. It'll look pretty.","Alex : All the clothes are really great. Rough day, huh?","Brooke : I've had plenty of those.","Alex : Yeah. Guess they're going around. Well, I'll see you tomorrow.","Brooke : Alex. You're doing good.","Alex : You think? Thanks.","Julian : How's my first A.D. doing? Get some good footage?","Jamie : Tons. You want to see?","Julian : Hit me.","Jamie : I got a lot of Aunt Brooke.","Brooke : Jamie, bug, You are exactly what I need to brighten my day. What are you doing?","Julian : She's pretty great. How about you hang on to this, 'cause you'll need it next time you visit set?","Jamie : Really?","Julian : Mm-hmm.","Jamie : Sweet.","Brooke : Okay, well, oh, wow. Make me look good. Hi.","AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE","Clay : Hey, you. Baby? What's wrong?","Quinn : My mom. My mom. She came to tell us that she -- She came to tell us that she was dying.","Clay : I'm so sorry.","AT SCOTT'S HOUSE","Lydia : Are you okay?","Haley : Not really, no.","Lydia : Would you like to talk about it?","Haley : You want me to say I'm mad? I'm mad. This is not fair. You say \"I have cancer,\" and my whole world changes. What am I supposed to do with that, mom? When I need advice on how to be a good mother to Jamie, I call you. When I need advice on how to be a good wife, I call you. When I'm sad or mad or happy or whatever, I call you, and I need you to be here.","Lydia : And I am always, always gonna be a part of you, baby. But you are a wonderful mother and a wonderful wife all by yourself.","Haley : I'm...","Lydia : Baby, you are incredibly strong. Think about everything that you have faced. And no matter how difficult, you have always found the graceful way to handle it. Well, you are going to have to find that strength now.","Haley : I don't want to. I don't want to be strong for this, mom.","Lydia : I need you to be. And your sisters -- they need you to be. We... Are going to have to be strong for everybody else who can't be.","QUINN'S GALLERY","Quinn : Mom? Why did you call me here? You should be home resting.","Lydia : I'm sick, Quinn. I'm not a child.","Quinn : Yeah, but you've had a long day.","Lydia : It was a perfect day. This space... Has your name all over it. Your photographs -- It's time for you to open a studio and a gallery. So I've paid the first six months' rent.","Quinn : Okay, but, mom, you know that -","Lydia : No. No, no, no excuses. You can do this, and you need to do this. Your work, baby, is important, and it's good, and you need to believe in that.","Quinn : Okay. Okay. Thank you. Are you scared?","Lydia : I think... That knowing that your dad is there helps.","Quinn : Is he, though? I mean... Does that place even exist?","Lydia : Oh. Of course it does. I'm just gonna miss all of this.","Quinn : I love you.","AT SCOTT'S HOUSE","Haley : You're gonna say goodbye, right? Taylor, you're making a mistake. Tay. Taylor, please.","Taylor : I'm not gonna sit here and watch her give up.","Haley : Does everything always have to be about you? Do you have to be so selfish all the time?","Taylor : She's the one that's being selfish.","Haley : Are you kidding me? She needs us right now.","Taylor : No, what she needs is to fight. And you need to stop acting like you know what's best for everyone, Because you don't.","Haley : If you leave, you're gonna regret this. Maybe. Maybe I will. But I'm not gonna stay here and watch her die.","Quinn : Hey.","Haley : Hey. It's not supposed to be like this, you know. She -- she's supposed to watch us get married and have kids and watch our kids grow up and go to prom and -- and graduate high school. This is not... This is not fair.","Quinn : I know.","Haley : I'm really glad you're here.","Quinn : Me too... 'cause I don't think I could handle it without you.","Lydia : Hey. Knock it off. Mm. All right. Let's have a little wine. Where's Taylor?","Haley : Taylor is not coming. She left. And I tried to get her to stay, but she wouldn't, not even to say goodbye, so I'm sorry.","Lydia : It's okay.","Haley : No, it's not. It's not okay, because you need her right now, and we need her, and it's not right for her to do this.","Lydia : You know what? Everyone... Has to deal with this... In their own way. It'll be okay.","AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT","Millicent : Marvin? Marvin? I am not plain. I'm fine the way I am. I'm fine.","AT THE ANONYMOUS ALCOOLICS","Millicent : Hi. Um, my name is Millicent. And I'm new here. And, um... I don't really know what to say. But I keep telling everybody I'm fine, and I'm not fine.","AT TRIC","Alexander : Well, you were good today.","Alex : Good -- not great. I'm letting everyone dow","Alexander : Need someone to get drunk with you?","Alex : It's water. And I don't get drunk when I'm sad. I sleep with boys. You want to get out of here? Do you really have to think about it?","Alexander : No, I was just -- I was giving you a chance to change your mind.","Alex : I don't do that, either.","Alexander : Well, okay, then. Let's get out of here.","AT SCOTT'S HOUSE","Nathan : How you doing?","Haley : Taylor's gone. She left. She... My mom says I'm my sisters' keeper. But I couldn't make her stay. I'm not the glue. My mom is. When she's gone, everything's gonna fall apart.","Nathan : Hey. Okay, come here.","Haley : I'm scared.","Nathan : Okay, okay.","ON BACKSTAGE","Brooke : I'm heading out. You okay?","Julian : Yeah. Tired.","Brooke : Well, for what it's worth, I think you're doing great.","Julian : Thanks. Coming from you, that...means everything. Hey, Brooke. I miss you.","Brooke : Coming from you, that means everything, too.","AT SCOTT'S HOUSE","Brooke : Jamie, bug, You are exactly what I need to brighten my day. What are you doing?","Nathan : All right, buddy, it's time for bed.","Jamie : Okay.","Nathan : Mm.","Jamie : Hey, dad.","Nathan : Yeah?","Jamie : I was thinking I might want to be a director instead of a basketball player when I grow up, or maybe both.","Nathan : As long as you're happy.","Jamie : Is mom coming up?","Nathan : Mom is gonna spend some time with her mom tonight, all right?","Jamie : Okay.","Nathan : Night, buddy."],"Show Title":"One Tree Hill","Episode Number":"07x16","Episode Title":"My Attendance is Bad but My Intentions are Good","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"One_Tree_Hill_07x19.json","Recap":["On the eve of Quinn's big gallery opening, an uninvited guest ambushes Clay. Nathan spends the day with Jamie, while Haley struggles with life after her mother's death. Brooke and Julian each receive a shocking surprise. Meanwhile, Skills learns the truth about Lauren and Mouth. This episode is named after a song by Rod Stewart ."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Alex : If you talk, I can't pretend you're somebody else.","Grubbs : If I start to become that guy that nobody likes...","Miranda : You won't. I'm gonna make sure you stay exactly who you are... 'Cause that's a person worth protecting.","Alexander : I know I slept with Alex. But I like you. A lot.","Haley : Mom?","Lydia : It's time for you to open a studio and a gallery.","Haley : Are you okay, mom?","Lydia : No. I'm not. I have cancer. I guess I did all right.","Haley : You did everything, mom.","Lauren : What the hell.","Skills : Anybody home? Miss me?","Brooke : The ex love of my life and current bane of my existence made it very clear to me that they did the wild thing last night!","Brooke : Have you called last looks for hair and makeup yet?","Julian : No. Why?","Julian : Brooke, what the hell happened today?","Brooke : I thought you fell for Alex. I'm sorry.","Clay : Excuse me. Are you Katie Ryan?","Katie : I met an agent. He'll either sign me or marry me. Either way, this just might be the first day of the rest of my life.","Clay : I... I can't represent you.","Girl : He decided to sign you?","Katie : Not yet, but he will. It turns out... I'm his type.","AT BROOKE'S HOUSE","Brooke : Good morning, boyfriend.","Julian : What did I do to deserve this?","Brooke : It's my big-shot director's last day. I thought it deserved something special.","Julian : On time, on budget. Well, sort of, give or take a punched lead actress. But I think it's gonna be a good film.","Brooke : Sorry about that. And for the record, it's gonna be a great movie. Great if I don't miss picking up today's wardrobe. I got to run. Do not go long on your last day, Cecil B. Debaker. I need my boyfriend on my arm tonight at Quinn's gallery opening.","Julian : You're kind of liking calling me \"boyfriend\" again, aren't you?","Brooke : Yeah. It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?","Julian : Brooke... I'm glad we're back.","AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE","Quinn : Good morning. You okay?","Clay : I see Sara sometimes. I mean, ever since she died, I, uh, I see her sometimes, and we talk. I... I'm not crazy, I promise. It's just lately, since you... Well, I haven't been seeing her so much.","Quinn : Is that why no pictures?","Clay : Pictures?","Quinn : You don't have any pictures of her in your place, and I don't want it to be because of me. It's okay to love her, the memory of her. It won't diminish us.","Clay : And you don't think I'm weird for seeing her?","Quinn : All I know is if I could see my mom right now... I would stay up all night talking to her.","AT CLOTHES OVER BROS","Brooke : Alexander, where are the changes for today's shooting? I'm late! Is it hot in here? It feels hot in here.","Alexander \/ Victoria : No. No.","Brooke : Mother. Another button, please. The slutty-milf look is so not you. I have to run. I'll see you guys tonight.","Alexander : See ya. Oh, this is... she's gonna catch us. She's definitely going to catch us. This is gonna end badly. We... we got to tell her.","Victoria : Don't you worry about a thing. Besides, it's more exciting this way. Now come here.","AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT","Mouth : We have to tell him.","Lauren : Tell him what? That we kissed? I mean, I'm not even sure what this is.","Mouth : Well, it's something. And now with Skills back, it's getting uncomfortable. We need to be honest with him. We owe him that.","Lauren : I know. Skills is a great guy, but this is complicated. It is so messed up. I should talk to him.","Mouth : No. I need to. He's my best friend.","ON THE SET","Brooke : Hey.","Josh : Someone is so freakin' fired!","Man : I can assure you that we looked everywhere, Mr. Avery.","Josh : Well, look again! And where is that loser P.A.? He probably took it.","Julian : Hey, what's going on?","Man : Mr. Avery's laptop computer has gone missing from his trailer. I'm positive that P.A. Brian did not steal your computer.","Josh : Okay. Thank you. That's so reassuring. Look, you stick to doing your job, okay? Just checking for hairs in the gate and keeping my trailer stocked with red vines and lube!","Julian : Hey, Christian Bale, calm down, okay? Look, I'm sorry this happened, but it's just a computer, okay? The production will replace it. Let's just focus on the work, okay?","Josh : I don't give a crap about the computer. It's what's on it.","Brooke : Here's your wardrobe. It's gonna be a great last day.","AT SCOTT'S HOUSE","Jamie : I'm bored.","Nathan : You can't be bored. You're 7. Do you have any idea how fun being 7 is? Besides, I got a cure for that.","Jamie : What?","Nathan : Guess who's babysitting you tonight?","Jamie : Oh please don't say Junk and Fergie.","Nathan : No. Me. All right? We're having a guys' night, and it's gonna be a blast.","Jamie : Aw, sweet! Wait. What about mom?","Nathan : Mom is going to Aunt Quinn's art gallery opening, so she's putting on her pretty face right now. Well, her prettier face.","IN THE BATHROOM","Haley : Okay. One, two... three.","AT TRIC","Miranda : What are you doing? Why did you stop?","Grubbs : It sounds thin. I think we should... take another pass at the vocals, maybe double the chorus. What do you think?","Miranda : I think it's great. Let's keep moving.","Grubbs : I really think it needs the work.","Miranda : The insecure artist thing is cute, but seriously, it's great.","Grubbs : I mean, whatever happened to you protecting me as an artist?","Miranda : You remember that guy you became the last time you recorded, the one you didn't like?","Grubbs : I think he's back. It's great. Push play.","AT SCOTT'S HOUSE","Quinn : Hey.","Haley : Hey. Woo. Talk about a work of art. You look great.","Quinn : Thanks.","Haley : So, you excited for tonight? How do you feel?","Quinn : You know, if there's a feeling of being half totally excited and half completely ready to panic, then that's how I feel.","Haley : Oh, don't worry. It's gonna be good. You're kind of great at the picture-taking thing, you know.","Quinn : Thanks. Well, I'm glad you think so. I wanted to give this to you.","Haley : Oh. What is this?","Quinn : My way of saying thank you for being there for me this year. I couldn't have made it through without my little sis.","Haley : I love it. I really do.","Quinn : I just want tonight to go well, you know? For mom.","Haley : Yeah. For mom.","AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT","Skills : Yeah, well, I didn't see it coming, either. I know, but... I just think it's the best move for both of us. I look forward to hearing back. Okay. Bye. Whoo. Keep your fingers crossed, bro.","Mouth : Why?","Skills : I just pitched to the company to let me be the east-coast rep. If all goes well, I'm home for good.","Mouth : And if they don't, are you back to L.A.?","Skills : No.","Mouth : Why not? I thought you liked it out there?","Skills : I mean, ain't nothin' wrong with Cali. It ain't no place to meet somebody. But it did give me some time to think, and what I came up with was I missed what I had here with Lauren.","Mouth : Lauren?","Skills : Yep. I'm gonna get her back.","Mouth : Have you talked to her about it?","Skills : Uh, no. But I'm going to.","Mouth : What if they don't give you the job out here?","Skills : Then I just quit.","Mouth : You'd really leave your job in L.A.?","Skills : I would. If I recall, somebody quit their job in Omaha for love, right? Look, Mouth, I had a whole lot of time to think about this, bro. I'm just gonna talk to her tonight. Hey, man.","Mouth : Yeah?","Skills : Ain't you gonna wish me luck?","Mouth : Yeah. Of course. Good luck.","AT THE GALERY","Clay : You ready?","Quinn : Yeah.","Clay : All right. One... two...","Quinn : It's perfect. Just perfect.","Clay : It's gonna be a perfect night.","Quinn : Can you believe this crowd? I just hope they like my work.","Clay : Relax. They love it. And besides, you... oh. You didn't.","Quinn : Do you love it?","Clay : I... don't know. It's kind of weird, you know, seeing everyone looking up at a giant version of me.","Quinn : Come on. I want to show you something.","Clay : What's this?","Quinn : So, everyone attending tonight takes their own portrait, and then the camera feeds it to the flat screens in the gallery, so the people tonight are the live art.","Clay : That's genius.","Quinn : Well, then you're the genius, because I got the idea from you. The slide show that you made for my mom. I love you for that.","Lauren : That's a powerful photograph.","Mouth : She has a knack for capturing a dramatic moment.","Lauren : So... have you talked to him?","Mouth : Yeah. I mean, no. Look, I need to talk to you about that because...","Skills : Hey. Well, if it isn't my favorite two people. Hey, mouth, you mind if I steal my girl away for one second?","IN THE BATHROOM","Nathan : Okay, now, I like to start at the bottom and do the neck first. So just real slow. And then when you're done with your neck, you're just gonna start at your sideburns and work your way down to your chin.","Jamie : Seems like a lot of work. I'm gonna have to do this every day?","Nathan : If you want to attract girls.","Jamie : Is this how you got mom?","Nathan : It took a lot more than a close shave to get your mom to fall for me.","Jamie : Really? Why?","Nathan : Well, when I met your mom, I wasn't exactly the nicest guy in the world. It's true. I was a bit selfish, and I fought a lot.","Jamie : But you're not like that now.","Nathan : Being with your mom made me a better person. You know, now that I think of it, your mom and your uncle Lucas did.","Jamie : It must have been fun having a brother growing up. It's like having a best friend over all the time.","Nathan : Yeah. But remember, Uncle Lucas and I weren't really that close when we were your age. The important part is we became more like real brothers once we got a little bit older. But you're right. Having a brother is a lot like having a best friend. It helped make me the man I am today.","Jamie : And I love that guy.","Nathan : I love you, too, buddy.","Jamie : So when do I start shaving, dad? Next year?","Nathan : Well, if your face is like mine, probably when you're about 22.","AT THE GALERY","Quinn : You like?","Haley : I love it.","Quinn : We spent a whole week in that village, and those girls followed me everywhere. They were inseparable.","Haley : I think you just made your first sale.","Quinn : Yeah?","Haley : Yeah.","Brooke : I hope she at least gets a family discount.","Quinn : The whole Hollywood glam squad. I'm honored you guys came.","Brooke : Seriously, Quinn, this is amazing.","Haley : Wait. Are you two, uh...","Brooke : Back together? Yes.","Haley : Oh. Told you.","Josh : So, you got any nudes in this collection or... ?","Alex : Whoa. Pay no attention to Mr. Inappropriate. Come on, Josh. There must be a bar around here somewhere.","Haley : Julian, please tell me this movie's gonna be over soon.","Julian : Today was, in fact, the last day.","Brooke : We're officially wrapped!","Quinn : Well done. That is so major.","Julian : Well, thank you. Speaking of major, look at you go. Congratulations.","Quinn : Thank you.","OUTSIDE","Skills : You've been kind of distant since I got home. Look, I owe you an apology.","Lauren : Why? What for?","Skills : I came home for you because I love you. I can't be apart from you, and I should have never left.","Lauren : Antwon...","Skills : Please tell me you feel the same way.","Lauren : It's just, things are different. I mean, maybe if we'd never split up.","Skills : Yeah, but you said you wouldn't come to L.A., so I fixed it. I'm home now. Why can't it just be like it was?","Lauren : Because it's not like it was.","Skills : Is there someone else?","Lauren : I don't know. Maybe. I'm sorry, Antwon.","AT THE GALERY","Josh : Oh, baby, that's...","Alex : I said no talking.","Julian : So our lead actors are sleeping together. Here's my surprised face. Where did you even get this?","Paul : It was e-mailed to me this morning.","Julian : By who?","Paul : By someone smart enough to know that you'll do just about anything to protect Alex from this getting out there. Julian, we're being blackmailed.","Alex : Julian, what's the matter?","Julian : This.","Josh : Oh, baby, that's...","Alex : I said no talking.","Alex : I... I didn't do it.","Julian : Oh, that's funny. That sure looks like you screwing him to me.","Alex : No. I mean, okay, I did sleep with him. I just... I didn't make that tape. Did you get it from Josh?","Julian : No. I got it from someone who's trying to blackmail my father for a ton of money. Alex, why don't you just shoot me in the head? It would save us all so much time. That's not fair. No. What's not fair is that I keep trying to find the best version of you, and you just keep showing me the worst version.","Mouth : So what did you say?","Lauren : I told him I didn't want to go back to the way it was. He was really upset. It was bad. I feel terrible.","Mouth : I know I should just take the high road here and let you find your way back to him, but... I really like you, Lauren.","Lauren : It's also my decision. And I have feelings for you, too. Do you think Antwon's gonna be okay?","Chase : Skills. My man. How you been, buddy?","Skills : Thirsty. Four shots.","Chase : Four shots. Coming up.","AT TRIC","Miranda : Well, I mean, there must be something that can be done. How about an extension?","Grubbs : Check one, two. Annoying, impatient artist ready to lay down a track.","Miranda : So you're telling me there is nothing I can do? Well, that's just great.","Grubbs : You know, it only took the Beatles a month to record \"Abbey Road.\" Sorry. You... you okay?","Miranda : The record sounds great, Michael.","Grubbs : But it looks like I'm not gonna be around to finish it. I'm going back to England.","Miranda : Oh, that's funny. Because when you said that we were gonna be working together,","Grubbs : I sort of imagined that you'd at least be in the same hemisphere.","Miranda : You know what? I'm serious. Believe me, I have tried moving heaven and earth to stay here, but there's a problem with my visa. I'm being deported.","Grubbs : And where does that leave us?","Miranda : We're scuppered. I'm afraid there's not gonna be an \"us.\"","AT THE GALERY","Brooke : I cannot believe she's giving him the time of day after he stood her up. And besides, it's gross.","Alexander : What's gross?","Brooke : The thought of my mother having s*x. Blech!","Alexander : Yeah, well, I don't think it's gross. I mean, she's an attractive older woman, Brooke.","Brooke : Oh, okay. Stop. I cannot talk about my mother and s*x with you. It's nice that you're being so sweet about her, but you need to stick to what you know, which is designing super-hot clothes and sleeping with skanky actresses.","Alexander : Thanks.","AT THE GALERY","Josh : Hey, check this out. I kind of like it.","Alex : You filmed us having s*x?","Josh : You found my computer?","Alex : No. But someone did. And now Julian and his father are being blackmailed for $1 million thanks to you!","Josh : What?","Alex : How could you? It's my career. It's Julian's career, and Paul's, and all the people that worked so hard on this film. They put everything they had into this project, and now you've just jeopardized everything.","Josh : This is not my fault, okay? My computer was stolen.","Alex : Not your fault? Okay. But here's what I don't get... why would you make a tape of yourself having s*x when you suck at it?!","Josh : At least try to be professional about this.","AT SCOTT'S HOUSE","Jamie and Nathan have fun with Guitar Heroes!","AT THE GALERY","Julian : This guy? He's laughing at me.","Brooke : Why do you say that?","Julian : Oh, you ready? Remember all that stuff that was on Josh's computer that he was freaking out about this morning? Wait for it. He and Alex made a s*x tape, and now we're being blackmailed to keep it under wraps.","Brooke : Oh-ho, no.","Julian : Go ahead. You can laugh at me now, too. You warned me about Alex. You told me I shouldn't work with her. Maybe you were right. Maybe I should just let her fail. Hey, the... the tape might even bring the movie some free publicity.","Brooke : Hey, whoever said \"there's no such thing as bad publicity\" was never on a s*x tape. Trust me. You have to help her. Look, I know you're disappointed in her right now, but I bet she didn't do this on purpose. And I bet that deep down in your heart, you want to help her. So do it.","Julian : You really mean that?","Brooke : This is not a test, Julian. Yes. I think you should help Alex.","Julian : So he's not laughing at me, then?","Brooke : Well, maybe a little.","Clay : Chase Adams back behind the bar.","Chase : Well, it's only beer, wine, and shots, so I can't do that much damage.","Clay : I'll take a beer.","Quinn : So, I'm a little jealous now that you'll be spending your days and nights hanging out with some other girl.","Clay : What?","Quinn : Somebody bought your portrait. She's, um... oh, she's right there.","Quinn : I am so excited you like his portrait.","Katie : I just love it! And now meeting the subject, well, that makes it all the more special. I'm Katie.","Clay : Clay.","Katie : I don't want to take up all your time on your special night, and I want to see the rest of your work, so please excuse me.","Quinn : I like her. And she seems to like your portrait. I guess I'll just have to get used to letting you be with her. Tonight seems to be going well, huh?","Clay : Yeah. Can you, uh, just excuse me for one second?","Quinn : Sure.","AT TRIC","Miranda : I'm sorry.","Grubbs : So there's nothing we can do?","Miranda : Nope. I have to leave. And sooner than later.","Grubbs : Well, I guess it's back to my day job.","Miranda : We'll find someone to finish the record with you. I promise.","Grubbs : I don't want anyone else. And that's both guys talking the musician and the guy who just needs you.","AT THE GALERY","Clay : What are you doing?","Katie : Oh, I thought I looked hotter as a blonde. What do you think?","Clay : I told you I couldn't represent you, and now you show up here uninvited, texting me inappropriately about my girlfriend? I mean, who do you think you are?","Katie : Clay... I can be whoever you want me to be.","Clay : You need to leave. Now.","Katie : I'm sorry. I felt a connection between the two of us. I guess... I guess I was wrong.","Julian : Don't. Don't. You're not gonna find any answers in there.","Alex : You don't have to do this.","Julian : Do what?","Alex : Always try to save me. It seems no matter what I do, I mess things up for you. Trust me, I never meant to hurt you or your father or the movie that we just made. But now that the film's over, I'll just get out of your way. Do what you want to do with the tape. I'll understand.","Julian : Alex, it's gonna be okay. We're gonna get through it. And you're not going anywhere. We're gonna get through this together. I'm gonna do everything I can to help you. I promise.","Alex : Really?","Julian : Really.","Alex : Thank you, Julian.","Julian : Don't thank me. Thank Brooke.","IN JAMIE'S ROOM","Nathan : \"He turned away to give them time to pull themselves together; and waited, allowing his eyes to rest on the trim cruiser in the distance.\"","Jamie : So the boys were saved?","Nathan : In the end, yeah.","Jamie : I like it when you read to me.","Nathan : So do I.","Jamie : It was sad when Piggy died.","Nathan : I know, man. I like Piggy, too.","Jamie : It's good that the boys had each other on the island. It must have been pretty lonely and scary all alone.","Nathan : Do you ever get lonely?","Jamie : Yeah, sometimes.","Nathan : So do you think you'll be okay when I go off to training camp this season?","Jamie : Yeah, I guess. I like it better when you're home, though.","Nathan : Can I ask you a favor?","Jamie : Sure. What?","Nathan : Well, even though she doesn't show it all the time, deep down inside, your mom is still very sad that your grandma died.","Jamie : Yeah.","Nathan : So when I'm away, I need you to just watch out for her, make sure she doesn't get too sad.","Jamie : Yeah.","Nathan : I need you to be the man of the house when I'm gone. Can you do that for me?","Jamie : Yeah.","Nathan : Okay. I knew I could count on you.","Jamie : Mom's gonna be okay, right?","Nathan : Yeah, she's gonna be fine. And besides, now we'll both be taking care of her. All right?","AT THE GALERY","Haley : Hands off, girlie. That one's mine.","Brooke : How you holding up?","Haley : I'm good.","Brooke : I know it must be hard. Your mom played a big part in this night.","Haley : Yeah, it is, but, you know, I think Jamie really helps. It's kind of life's little plan, you know? You have kids so you have something to hold onto when you lose your parents. What's wrong?","Brooke : I can't have kids.","Haley : What? Have you seen a specialist or... ?","Brooke : Yeah, no, I did everything, and... kids aren't in the cards for me.","Haley : You cannot give up, Brooke. You never know.","Julian : So, what are our options?","Paul : It's a tough call. If we do nothing, it could hurt the film, but $1 million is a lot of money.","Josh : If it helps, I'm willing to take one for the team. You can release the tape.","Julian \/ Paul : Shut up.","Julian : And if the tape does get out?","Paul : We just finished making a charming independent movie. For it to work, we need to take it to a major film festival. We need people focusing on your great film, Julian, not a s*x tape. This whole thing could really hurt our chances.","Josh : I have a really good friend who works at Sundance. I could...","Julian \/ Paul : Shut up.","Paul : Whoever's blackmailing us, they're right about one thing... we have everything on the line.","Julian : Well, they're also right about something else. I want to protect Alex. She's fragile. And if this tape gets out... It could destroy her.","Paul : Well, now it looks like we have $3 million invested in this film.","Alexander : Look, we got to tell Brooke, all right? She's got no idea, and I don't think us being together is gonna strike her as a good surprise.","Victoria : Now is not a good time. We're on the verge of releasing a very important line, and I need her thinking about business and not us.","Alexander : Hey... You're ashamed of us, aren't you?","Victoria : Please.","Alexander : You are.","Victoria : Please! I am not. Look, I told Brooke I was taking a lover. Where's the shame in it being a young, hot guy who's 25 years younger than me who has abs that I can bounce quarters off of, Hmm? You just need to relax. You need to relax. Nobody's ashamed of anybody, okay?","Skills : And then she said there was someone else.","Chase : Dude, that sucks.","Skills : Yeah, but I just don't know who that someone else could... It's you, isn't it? Lauren's \"someone else.\"","Mouth : Skills, I was gonna talk to you...","Skills : So it's true?","Mouth : Yes, but...","Skills : Thanks for sleeping with my girlfriend, buddy.","Victoria : That's just scandalous. Just simply... scandalous.","AT TRIC","Gruggs : Your face says \"a shot and a beer back,\" but I think this is what you need. Someone get their heart broken tonight?","Skills : Yeah. It was my fault, though. I mean, looking back, I had my chance. I just didn't take it when I should have. Now it's too late, and I'll never get her back.","Gruggs : I don't know. Never is a pretty long time.","Skills : I should have just told her how I felt.","AT THE GALERY","Haley : Well, all things considered, I thought that went pretty well.","Quinn : Um, are you kidding? A fist fight, public s*x, and, um, a check for you? It rocked!","Haley : Whoa. What is this for? I can't take this.","Quinn : Consider it back rent. And thanks, Hales. Thanks for being there for me.","Haley : That is what sisters are for.","Quinn : Mom would have loved a night like tonight.","Haley : Sometimes I flash on the fact that we're never gonna see her again, and, uh... I can't breathe. I just can't believe she's gone.","Quinn : I know. We all miss her. Just know, Haley, she was so proud of you.","Haley : Yeah","AT CLOTHES OVER BROS","Brooke : I hope you're proud of yourself, mother. I can't believe that even you would stoop this low to sexually harass an employee to get back at Paul for standing you up on a date?","Alexander : Brooke... I am the date. We've been seeing each other.","AT SCOTT'S HOUSE","Haley : Oh woah. Huh. How was your night?","Nathan : The best ever.","Haley : I don't know where you get it, but you're a great parent.","Nathan : I get it from you. You know what I was thinking tonight?","Haley : What?","Nathan : I want us to have another baby. Hales?","Haley : I actually took a pregnancy test this morning. And it... it was negative.","Nathan : Okay. Hey, it's fine. We'll... we'll try again. You're okay, right?","Haley : I'm fine. I'm fine.","AT TRIC","Grubbs : So you're leaving?","Miranda : I told you, I don't have a choice.","Grubbs : Marry me.","Miranda : What did you just say?","Grubbs : I said, \"marry me.\"","Miranda : You've got to be joking.","Grubbs : No. I'm serious. You made me a promise, and I'm holding you to it. Marrying me fixes everything. All you have to do is say \"yes.\"","AT THE HOTEL ROOM","Alex : What do you want?","Josh : I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I never should have made that tape, but you got to know that I never meant for any of that other stuff to happen. If there was any way that I could take it back, I would. I just... hoped you could find it in your heart to forgive me.","Alex : The movie's wrapped, Josh. And so are we. Goodbye.","Josh : Dude, we just said we were getting the tape out there. The plan was never to blackmail these people for money.","AT SCOTT'S HOUSE","Clay : My girl rocked it tonight.","Quinn : Thank you.","Clay : So, it was some night, huh?","Quinn : You sure you had a good time? You seemed like something was bothering you.","Clay : Quinn, there's something I need to tell you. Remember the tennis player that wouldn't take no for an answer?","Quinn : Yeah.","Clay : Well, she is the girl who bought my portrait tonight.","Quinn : That Katie girl? I... I don't understand. Wait, you know her? Why do you have a photo with her?","Clay : Because it's not her. It's Sara.","AT BROOKE'S HOUSE","Julian : You showed me something pretty special tonight.","Brooke : I'm trying to forget what we were shown tonight, if you don't mind.","Julian : Alex. Who would have thought that you, of all people, would rescue her?","Brooke : I didn't do anything. You're the one bailing her out.","Julian : Thanks to you.","Brooke : What?","Julian : You remember what you said to me our first night here?","Brooke : \"What if we ruin it?\"","Julian : Every night I spent away from you, I dreamed about being back here... in this room, in this bed, with you. I dreamed about us, Brooke. And now we're here. We're back. And you look even more beautiful than in my dreams... I love you. I never stopped loving you... not for one night, not for one moment. And I never will. Nothing can ruin us, Brooke Davis."],"Show Title":"One Tree Hill","Episode Number":"07x19","Episode Title":"Every Picture Tells a Story","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"One_Tree_Hill_08x01.json","Recap":["After being shot and left for dead by Katie Ryan, both Clay and Quinn fight for their lives while they have an out of body experience of being at the beach. Meanwhile, Haley and Nathan prepare to tell Jamie about the pregnancy. Brooke is arrested after it's discovered that Victoria and Millicent falsified profits and lied to investors to fund the men's line \"Clothes 4 Bros\". Also, Chase and Alex work together at the bar. This episode is named after an album by Rogue Wave . Opening theme song performed by Gavin DeGraw ."],"Transcript":["RIVERCOURT","Halley, sitted on a table, writes a letter with Lucas.","HALEY(voice-over): Dear Lucas, I know that I could call you or e-mail you or skype you or whatever, but there's something about putting pen to paper that feels...Right for us. It seems these days I have so many thoughts in my head that if I don't get them out, I might explode. I wanted you to know that Tree hill misses you, the Rivercourt misses you... And I miss you.","ALEX'S HOTEL ROOM","Chase discusses with Alex.","CHASE: You know, I don't think you're actually supposed to replace the stuff in your hotel room.","ALEX: Oh, whatever. I'll be out of here soon anyway. Think I might get a place of my own, maybe stick around a while.","CHASE: Wow. Sounds kind of normal and stable.","ALEX: There. Perfect. Well, almost. Say you'll go out with me, and then it will be.","CHASE: Okay. Yes.","(Chase receives a message of Mia)","BRULIAN'S HOUSE","Julian and Brooke sat on the settee.","BROOKE: You know what I like best about the movie?","JULIAN: What's that?","BROOKE: You get the sense that they're all gonna live happily ever after.","JULIAN: Hmm. They are.","NALEY'S HOUSE","Nathan is reading a book in his bed, Haley joins him.","NATHAN: You okay?","HALEY: These aren't sad tears. They're happy tears.","NATHAN: All right. Well, how 'bout from now on we do smiles for happy instead?","HALEY: I'm pregnant. I think it's gonna be a girl.","NATHAN: Oh, my...","HALEY: Nice work, daddy.","CLAY'S HOUSE","Quinn and Clay are lying on the settee.","CLAY: Hey.","QUINN: Hmm?","CLAY: You're falling asleep. Why don't you go to bed?","QUINN: Mnh-mnh. I like it here.","CLAY: I like it here, too. But you sleep like a rock, and you're too long to carry.","QUINN: You're mean. You say I'm too long, and you say I lose things.","CLAY: But I also love you. And the truth is that without you, I'd be the one who's lost.","QUINN: Nice save. I love you.","CLAY: I love you, too. Quinn will lie down, enters the room and Katie draws to him above. Clay heard the shot.","CLAY: Quinn! Quinn!","(Quinn returns in the living room)","QUINN: What's wrong?","CLAY: Are you okay?","QUINN: Of course. I'm fine.","CLAY: Come here.","QUINN: Baby, what happened?","CLAY: I, um... I just...I... I-I must have fallen asleep. You're okay?","QUINN: Yes, I'm fine. We're fine. Okay? I'm right here. I always will be.","NALEY'S HOUSE","Nathan and Haley are lying.","NATHAN: It's like a dream. This night. The way you look and the way you are. My life. Tomorrow I leave for my job in the NBA. I leave this house that I own, my miracle of a son, my wife who is so far out of my league, I hope she never figures it out. Yeah, I want a daughter just like you. I want to look into her eyes and feel my heart break because she reminds me so much of her beautiful, kind, strong mother.","HALEY: Mm... What if we have a boy?","NATHAN: Then we'll sell him, try again. I missed that laugh.","HALEY: Aww.","NATHAN: Are you feeling okay, baby? Are you feeling less of that weight, that darkness?","HALEY: Yeah, I feel like me. And I feel like yours. That feels good.","BRULIAN'S HOUSE","Julian and Brooke are lying.","JULIAN: Where'd you go?","BROOKE: I was thinking about Jamie's snow fort. Peyton and I used to build snow forts. And we'd sit inside and worry about what our worlds were gonna be like. It's like we'd hide from it all. But I think if we could have seen. What our lives were gonna be, we wouldn't have believed it... How lucky we'd be... How lucky we are. All of us.","JULIAN: That ring looks sexy on you.","BROOKE: You look sexy on me.","JULIAN: Mm. I've been thinking about this whole \"we're not able to have a baby\" thing. And I was thinking maybe we should try for a few hours.","BROOKE: Oh. Oh.","JULIAN: And then try again for a few more hours.","BROOKE: Uh-huh.","JULIAN: And then I'll wake you up in the morning, and we can try all day tomorrow.","BROOKE: Sounds perfect. That's good.","JULIAN: I know you, Brooke Davis.","BROOKE: You sure do.","ONE TREE HILL - GENERIQUE","NALEY'S HOUSE","Nathan is involved with the assistance of Jamie.","JAMIE: 45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50!","NATHAN: Good man. Thank you. You know, when camp starts tomorrow. You'll be a big part of the reason why I'm ready.","JAMIE: Yeah, I know.","NATHAN: You don't seem too excited about that, buddy.","JAMIE: No, I am. I mean, I'm glad you're a bobcat. I just wish you didn't have to leave.","NATHAN: Yeah, I know, Jamie. Okay. You ready?","JAMIE: Mm-hmm.","NATHAN: All right.","JAMIE: Do you think the other bobcats do this workout?","NATHAN: I don't know, buddy. Probably not. Ohh. One more. All right. You ready? Uh-huh. Hey, so, uh, I was thinking you might want to come out on the road with me this season.","JAMIE: You mean with the team?","NATHAN: Yeah. You just got to keep your grades up, help your out around the house like I know you can.","JAMIE: Oh, I will.","NATHAN: Attaboy. Oh, and, uh... Clay said you can ride with him to home games this year. I think you're old enough for that, don't you?","JAMIE: Totally.","NATHAN: All right.","(Halley enters the house)","NATHAN: Oh, and, um... I'm also gonna need you to look after your mom While I'm gone. All right? It's just the three of you now. Well, four, actually, if you count Chester.","JAMIE: No, three with Chester.","HALEY: Um, actually, it's four with Chester.","JAMIE: I don't get it.","HALEY: Well, looks like we're gonna have another baby.","JAMIE: Really?","HALEY: Yeah!","JAMIE: Sweet! I'm totally gonna have a brother like you and lucas, dad.","NATHAN: Or a sister.","JAMIE: Yeah. Or that.","HALEY: He's your kid.","CLUB TRIC","Mia joined Chase in Tric.","MIA: Hi.","CHASE: Hey.","MIA: How was Utah?","CHASE: It was -- it was good, you know? Julian's movie is really good.","MIA: Good.","MIA: Did you get my text?","CHASE: I did. I just didn't reply because...","(Alex arrives)","ALEX: Morning, boyfriend. Oh... Hello. Whoops?","BRULIAN'S HOUSE","Brooke looks at magazines of marriage, Julian awakes.","BROOKE: Good morning, fiance.","JULIAN: Oh, no. Not again.","BROOKE: \"Not again\" what?","JULIAN: This happens all the time. I sleep with a girl, and then the next morning, it was so amazing, she starts planning the wedding.","BROOKE: Be careful, mister. Speaking of, Peyton says hi.","JULIAN: Oh. Ouch.","BROOKE: Mm-hmm.","JULIAN: By the way, we don't need any of this stuff because I've been planning my dream wedding since I was 9.","BROOKE: Seriously?","JULIAN: Pink-and-black color scheme, first dance \"hopelessly devoted to you,\" peonies for the flowers, and a pineapple orange torte cake. Did I mention I loved \"grease 2\"?","BROOKE: I'm sorry I'm gonna have to disappoint you, princess, but this bride will be wearing A clothes over bros original, the flowers will be exotic white roses, our first dance will not be to a song by Olivia newton-john, or Elton john, or lil' jon for that matter. But you might be able to talk me into that orange pineapples cake. If I don't decide to do red-velvet cupcakes, 1 'cause that's what all the cool kids are doing right now.","JULIAN: Well... I should probably get another job.","BROOKE: Here's the great thing about that.I have a few bucks squirreled away. I own a clothing line, you know. Clothes over bros. You might have heard of it?","JULIAN: Oh, you're that Brooke Davis. Like, the rich Brooke Davis.","BROOKE: I am she.","JULIAN: Oh, I chose wisely.","BROOKE: You did indeed. I believe we have plans for the day.","JULIAN: I'll see you in the shower.","BEACH","Quinn and Clay are lying on sand.","QUINN: Your scruff is tickling me.","CLAY: God, you smell amazing. Did I ever tell you that? And you taste good, too.","QUINN: You taste good. Mmm. This is nice.","CLAY: Yeah, it is.","QUINN: What are you thinking?","CLAY: I'm thinking... Your feet are enormous.","QUINN: Hey!","CLAY: How did I not notice those? You have dude feet!","QUINN: Babe, stop! Is that a phone in your pocket, or did my feet do that to you?","CLAY: Actually, I left my phone at home today.","QUINN: You didn't bring your phone?","CLAY: Non. That is totally my crotch.","RIVERCOURT","Nathan makes some shootings.","JAMIE: Nice shooting, dad! Should we finish up on the road?","NATHAN: Sure. Do Madison square garden.","JAMIE: Okay. Scott, you suck! You hear me talking over here? Yeah, you, fella. You score again, and my cousin Angelo has you whacked! Bada bing, bada boom!","NATHAN: All right. Now do Boston.","JAMIE: Get outta the \"garden,\" Scott! You shoulda stayed in your cah, ya retard.","NATHAN: Hey! Don't say \"retard.\"","JAMIE: I'm just saying, I heard someone call you that in Boston last year.","NATHAN: All right, but you don't say it. Los Angeles.","JAMIE: Yeah. So I was thinking sushi. Yeah. I'm at the game. Nah, I don't know the score. I'm not even watching. Man, Nicholson got wrinkly.","NATHAN: Attaboy. I'm gonna miss you, buddy.","JAMIE: Yeah. Me too. So, that baby thing. How does that work?","NATHAN: What?","JAMIE: Mom's gonna have a baby, right? I just wondered, you know, how?","NALEY'S HOUSE","Nathan explain to Haley what Jamie required of him.","HALEY: You said the basketball hoop was like my uterus.","NATHAN: He caught me totally off guard. He was like a ninja. Like a three-foot-tall, \"where do babies come from?\" ninja.","HALEY: Where did you leave it?","NATHAN: Kind of uncomfortable and confused. And that was just me. I just started babbling about the birds and the bees, and he was just sitting there looking at me like, \"my dad was totally my hero until this very moment when I realize he's actually a complete ass.\"","HALEY: Hmm.","NATHAN: He said he was gonna talk to you.","HALEY: Great. Thanks a lot.","NATHAN: Yeah. Good luck with that. Hey, so I've been thinking a lot about this, and... I think you and Jamie should come to Charlotte with me.","HALEY: Today?","NATHAN: This season.","HALEY: Okay. I'm not sure what kind of job the boy can get with his third-grade education, but...","NATHAN: You can home-school him. Look, I feel bad about the timing of this and everything with the pregnancy and...","HALEY: My depression?","NATHAN: Yeah.","HALEY: Listen. I'm okay. I feel better. And when I'm not, I'll tell you.","NATHAN: You promise?","HALEY: I promise.","NATHAN: Okay.","HALEY: Although I really appreciate the fact that my sexy husband doesn't want to leave home. Besides, if we go with you, you're gonna have to give Jamie the s*x talk with me.","NATHAN: That's a good point. I'll miss you.","HALEY: I'll talk to him. Hey, have you spoken to clay today? I've been trying to get ahold of Quinn. I want to tell her that we're pregnant, but she's not answering her phone.","NATHAN: Uh, actually, Clay has this thing where he didn't talk to me the day before a road trip and I played great. So he usually blows me off the day before I travel. Besides, did you see those two in Utah? They probably haven't even left the bedroom.","HALEY: Sick. Party foul on the mental image. Although Clay looks kind of hot.","NATHAN: Watch it, you. I'll probably stop by there on my way out of town. I might have to give them \"the talk, \" too.","HALEY: Yeah, 'cause you did so well with it the first time.","NATHAN: Damn it.","BRULIAN'S HOUSE","Julian starts to read new scripts. Brooke arrives out of underclothing.","BROOKE: Did you find your next movie yet?!","JULIAN: Brooke, I'm on page 3 of the first script.","BROOKE: So, does that mean you're gonna read all day instead?","JULIAN: Why, what'd you have in mind?","BROOKE: \"grease 2\"?","JULIAN: Yeah. I like your idea better. Let me get my t-bird jacket.","(Julian leaves in the room, Haley enters the house)","HALEY: Hey!","BROOKE: Hi!","HALEY: So, that's a cool jacket. What is that, \"grease\"?","BROOKE: \"Grease 2,\" actually.","HALEY: Oh. I never saw that movie. So, what's going on?","BROOKE: Uh...","(Julian come back in)","JULIAN: Ready for my greased lightning!","HALEY: Oh. Oh! Oh! Ew! Ew! Oh, my god. I'm sorry, you guys! Uh, speaking of that, I'm pregnant. Don't hate me.","BROOKE: Congratulations!","(Haley go out)","BROOKE: Selfish baby haver. Oh... Your \"greased lightning\"?","CLUB TRIC","Chase and Alex discuss at the bar.","ALEX: I'm sorry about the \"boyfriend\" comment. I mean, not that I said it, but... On second thought, I guess I'm not really sorry about it.","CHASE: It's fine. It's just... Mia texted me. She thinks maybe we made a mistake. Maybe we did. But the timing was completely brutal. I mean, not the timing of you and me, just the timing of the... Whole thing. I don't know. I know I like you, Alex. Well, don't just sit there. Make a case for yourself. You're dirty.","ALEX: I like you, too. And I want to be close to you. Grubbs is on tour, right? So you need a bartender.","CHASE: Alex, your movie just blew up.","ALEX: At the festival. But it hasn't been released yet. So it's better that I wait. Anyway, when it's a big hit, I'll have the power to shoot my next film in north Carolina, near my new boyfriend. So what do you say, bar manager? Want to boss me around?","BEACH","Quinn and Clay go along the sea.","QUINN: So, you think I should take that job in south Africa? Clay? You okay?","CLAY: I just realized that I haven't seen a single person on this beach the entire day. Have you?","QUINN: No.","CLAY: Do you know what that means?","QUINN: What?","CLAY: Skinny dipping.","BRULIAN'S HOUSE","Julian and Brooke speak about Haley.","JULIAN: So, Haley's pregnant again","BROOKE: Yeah. It's gonna be really good for them. She's been so sad since her mom died. Now they'll have a new baby. I'm really happy for her.","JULIAN: Mm. Little selfish, though.","BROOKE: Totally selfish. They already have Jamie, and we can't even have one.","JULIAN: So greedy.","BROOKE: Maybe we could kidnap this one.","JULIAN: Or maybe you could meet me in the bedroom, and I could romance your ovaries some more until they surrender.","BROOKE: \"ovaries\" isn't very sexy.","JULIAN: No. I know. I'm gonna change.","(Somebody knocks on the door)","BROOKE: At least I have pants on this time.","(Brooke opens the door, this's police)","POLICEMAN: Brooke Davis?","BROOKE: I was totally joking about the kidnapping thing.","POLICEMAN: You're under arrest.","BROOKE: What?! Wait. Why?! What did I do?! Julian! Julian!","NALEY'S HOUSE","Haley looks himself in the mirror. Jamie surprises her.","JAMIE: How long will it take?","HALEY: Geez, you scared the... Life out of me! You are like a little ninja.","JAMIE: Sorry. Just wondered when the baby was gonna get here.","HALEY: Well, that won't be for a while. Usually it takes about nine months. Your dad said you had some questions about that.","JAMIE: Yeah. He just babbled something about... Basketballs and eggs and stuff? He said you'd explain it.","HALEY: Oh, he did, huh?","JAMIE: Yep.","BED ROOM RECORDS","Haley explains the situation with Mia.","HALEY: I said something about Chester falling in love.","MIA: Awesome.","HALEY: No, it's not awesome. I'm looking at my son who was born, like, three weeks ago, and he's asking me about s*x! And I have to tell him that Chester the bunny rabbit is falling in love and getting married. And it was just really bad. Speaking of which, did you hear Brooke and Julian got engaged?","MIA: Geez. What else happened in Utah that I missed?","HALEY: Um...","MIA: Alex and chase? Yeah. I heard about that.","HALEY: I'm sorry, Mia.","MIA: Don't be. It's my own fault. Hey, speaking of slutty, congratulations on being pregnant.","HALEY: Oh, tha-- thank you. I think. Just don't ask me to explain it to you. I know. I'm a nerd. I have to go. Okay. Hey... If I haven't said it lately, I want you to know that it means a lot to me that you came back to help with the label.","MIA: Hales, of course. As long as you're feeling better.","HALEY: I am. Thanks. And good luck, by the way.","MIA: Why?","HALEY: Alex is gross. Pick Mia.","PRISON","Brooke waits in room of interrogation, Julian calls Victoria.","JULIAN: Well, I assume she'll be released, but that's not the point. No, the press isn't here yet - also not the point. The point is, Brooke's been arrested, and you're her business partner and her mother. So you need to get Alexander's dingo. Out of your wallaby and fix it. Now!","HOSPITAL","Nathan returns visit to his doctor.","DOCTOR: You feel any pain here?","NATHAN: No.","DOCTOR: Here?","NATHAN: No. Is everything okay?","DOCTOR: Yeah, I just want to run some tests. Haley returns visit to her doctor.","DOCTOR: You feel any pain here?","HALEY: No.","DOCTOR: Here?","HALEY: Nope. Everything okay?","DOCTOR: I just want to run some tests.","JULIAN'S CAR","Brooke left the police station.","JULIAN: So, your mom is gonna meet you at the store with Millicent, and your attorney should be there shortly. Is there anything I can do?","BROOKE: You're doing it right now. Just take me to the store.","CLOTHES OVER BROS","Brooke wait explications from Victoria and Millicent.","VICTORIA(on phone): Well, just have him call us the minute he lands, and do not speak to anyone else. Okay? Do you... yeah. Well, I have to go. Honey.","BROOKE: Don't! Before you say another word, you should both know that I have just come from the city jail. Where I was frisked by a large supposedly female cop who was very thorough in her cavity search. Now speak.","VICTORIA: Honey, it's not that bad.","BROOKE: Not that bad? Not that bad?! I was just arrested... And...Explored by a woman with a mustache and man hands! When you look up \"bad\" in the dictionary, this is it!","MILLICENT: I had her. Man hands.","VICTORIA: You're being dramatic.","BROOKE: Oh, yes. I sure as hell am being dramatic, because there are three people who run this company...","VICTORIA: Actually, two, lately.","BROOKE: What is that supposed to mean?","VICTORIA: It means that you have been a little... Absentee of late.","BROOKE: And you've been a little slutty of late, old woman, getting railed by Alexander.","MILLICENT: Maybe we should all just calm down.","BROOKE: Great idea, Millie. Do you have any cocaine we could snort?!","MILLICENT: That's not fair.","BROOKE: Well, when you get arrested, you can stop playing fair. I am being charged with accounting fraud, financial misrepresentation. What are they talking about?","VICTORIA: They're saying that we lied to our investors about our profit.","BROOKE: Did we?","MILLICENT: Brooke...","VICTORIA: Don't speak.","MILLICENT: You're not the boss of me.","VICTORIA: Which, let's face it, is completely ridiculous!","MILLICENT: What's that supposed to mean?","VICTORIA: It means we have a half-ass assistant and part-time model running a multimillion-dollar company! And zero is a size, by the way.","MILLICENT: And 50 is an age, by the way.","VICTORIA: I am not 50.","BROOKE: Okay, stop! Both of you.","VICTORIA: I am barely 40.","MILLICENT: And I'm only a 2.","BROOKE: Stop! These charges. Lying to our investors... Tell me we can fix this. Tell me that we can prove. That this is a mistake.","VICTORIA: Honey, listen to me.","MILLICENT: No. It's not a mistake.","JAMIE'S BEDROOM","Chuck plays on Jamie's computer.","CHUCK: I can't believe your parents talked to you about the s-e-x. That's so cool! Tell me again what they said. JAMIE I told you...Just a bunch of stuff that didn't make sense.","CHUCK: Well, maybe we can find it on the internet.","JAMIE: I tried.","CHUCK: Uh, yeah. That was before I disabled your parent-protection settings.","JAMIE: Dude, no. You have to put that back!","CHUCK: It's no big deal.","JAMIE: It is a big deal! I'm not supposed to mess with that. I promised!","CHUCK: You want to find out where babies come from or not?","JAMIE: Move. Okay, I guess I'll type in \"mom\"? No. \"lady\"... And \"rabbit\"?","CHUCK: Ooh, put \"s*x\" in there, too!","JAMIE: Ew! What the heck is that?!","CHUCK: Hey, my mom has one of those!","(Haley enters in room)","HALEY: Okay, Chuck...","JAMIE: I didn't do it! I don't like it!","RED ROOM RECORDS","Mia talks with Chase.","MIA: Did you have s*x with her?","CHASE: It wasn't like that.","MIA: I don't even know why I asked that. It doesn't matter.","CHASE: It does matter. But it wasn't like that.","MIA: But you like her.","CHASE: Mia, you broke up with me by text message.","MIA: And then I tried to fix it.","CHASE: By text message.","MIA: Yeah, but you were in Utah, and...Nobody talks on the phone anymore.","CHASE: Well. I'm sorry, you know? It's just... Alex asked me out in person.","MIA: And what'd you say?","CHASE: I said yes.","NALEY'S HOUSE","Jamie explains his gesture.","JAMIE: I said no. Just so you know, when chuck wanted to mess with the computer, I said no.","NATHAN: But you did it anyway. Two weeks. No computer, no cellphone.","JAMIE: But, dad...","NATHAN: We can make it three.","HALEY: This is not about your being curious. Being curious is okay. It's just about your computer and the promise that you broke. Do you understand that?","JAMIE: I just don't understand about...Rabbits and bees and eggs and basketballs.","NATHAN: Okay, here's the thing, buddy. Um... It's my last day home before camp. So we can either talk about this, or we can play the new \"gears of war\" game I got you as a going-away gift. It's in your room.","JAMIE: Sweet! I'm sorry.","HALEY: Jam...","NATHAN: What? That is gonna buy us at least another year. Make war, not love, babe.","HALEY: Oh ho ho. Pushing your luck.","CLOTHES OVER BROS","Millicent discuses with Brooke.","MILLICENT: I said no. Just so you know... When I figured out what Victoria was doing, I said no.","BROOKE: But you did it anyway.","MILLICENT: You know how she is.","BROOKE: Oh, she's always been that way.","MILLICENT: We have a meeting with our attorney this afternoon.","BROOKE: Why did you do it? Why did she do it? Lie about our profits?","MILLICENT: We needed investors for the men's line. We believed in the line, and we wanted to launch it, but...The economy never rebounded. So we lied to investors and told them we were more profitable than we are. Victoria thinks she can fix it.","BROOKE: She's wrong. Once a company's financial integrity is challenged, it's...Over. Integrity. You remember this? That was my first sale in tree hill. You wrote that check to spite Victoria. That day. It's amazing... How far we've fallen.","NALEY'S HOUSE","Nathan joins Haley on the terrace.","NATHAN: I never asked you about the doctor. How'd it go?","HALEY: Oh, um, great. Everything's fine. You?","NATHAN: Same. Everything's fine.","HALEY: You ready to go?","NATHAN: Yeah. I thought I'd stop by clay's on the way out of town, tell Quinn to call you.","HALEY: Thanks.","NATHAN: I also maybe threw your things in the car. Jamie's too. Thought I could make you change your mind.","HALEY: I wish. We're gonna miss so much.","NATHAN: Yeah. About that. We have money. You have time. Stash the kid with brooke and get my baby, and my other baby, to Charlotte as much as possible. Promise me.","HALEY: I promise. Cross my heart.","NATHAN: All right. Don't make me ground you. No. You've seen how I lower the hammer. I don't mess around.","HALEY: I have. It's pretty scary.","NATHAN: Come here.","HALEY: Mmm. I love you. I'm in love with you. It's nice after all this time.","NATHAN: It's everything after all this time.","HALEY: Yeah.","CLUB TRIC","Chase learns to Alex to make cocktails.","NALEY'S HOUSE","Haley continues to write her letter for Lucas.","CLOTHES OVER BROS","Brooke sees her store to empty itself.","CLUB TRIC","Alex comes to see Mia.","MIA: Can I help you?","ALEX: Hey. I... I just... I-I know you have a history with chase, and I hope that there's no hard feelings. It must've been a surprise...Me and chase.","MIA: No, not really. It's what you do, right? Break up couples?","ALEX: Yeah. It kind of is. But not this time. You screwed this up all by yourself, didn't you?","MIA: You can go now.","ALEX: By the way, I plan to make him happier than you ever did, so you should probably just give up and move on now. Okay? Great. Now I can go.","CLOTHES OVER BROS","Julian joins Brooke on the store.","BROOKE: Everything's gone.","JULIAN: I'm not.","BEACH","Clay and Quinn are lying on sand.","CLAY: I dreamt that I lost you. You went to bed, and... Something terrible happened. And I couldn't save you.","QUINN: Why didn't you tell me?","CLAY: Because... I didn't want to ruin today.","QUINN: You didn't. Today was perfect.","CLAY: I'm glad. What do you say, you, uh... get dressed and let me watch?","QUINN: I can do that.","(Quinn puts on again her Tee-shirt and discovers that she has blood on her belly)","QUINN: Clay?","CLAY: Hey, babe.","QUINN: What's happening?","CLAY'S HOUSE","Clay enters the room and is made drawn top by Katie.","CLAY: Quinn!","BEACH","QUINN: Clay!","CLAY: It wasn't a dream.","CLAY'S HOUSE","Nathan knocks on the door.","NATHAN: Clay! Nobody opens then he sets out again. It calls Clay but he does not answer. Indeed, Clay and Quinn in the room are covered with their blood. End of the episode."],"Show Title":"One Tree Hill","Episode Number":"08x01","Episode Title":"Asleep at Heaven's Gate","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"One_Tree_Hill_08x02.json","Recap":["Alex becomes a success as a bartender, Mia opens up to Chase. Julian and Jamie bond while Clay and Quinn lie in a coma in the hospital. Haley struggles with what has happened while Nathan decides to stay in Tree Hill a little bit longer to help her through the tragedy. Meanwhile, Brooke deals with publicity and finding a way to keep her from going to jail for Victoria's actions. This episode is named after a song by Laura Jane Grace . Opening theme song performed by Kate Voegele ."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","POLICEMAN: Brooke Davis, you're under arrest.","BROOKE:Wait. Why?!","BROOKE: I am being charged with accounting fraud. What are they talking about? HALEY:These aren't sad tears. They're happy tears.","NATHAN: What is it?","HALEY: I'm pregnant.","NATHAN: Oh, my...","JAMIE: You found it!","QUINN: No, you found it. Open it up.","JAMIE: Treasure! I don't think we should keep it.","QUINN: Let's get this buried again.","ALEX: So you need a bartender. CHASE:Alex, your movie just blew up.","ALEX: But it hasn't been released yet. So what do you say, bar manager? Want to boss me around?","MIA: It's what you do, right? Break up couples?","ALEX: I plan to make him happier than you ever did. So you should probably just give up and move on now.","CLAY: Something terrible happened. And I dreamt that I lost you. It wasn't a dream.","QUINN: Clay!","NALEY'S HOUSE","Haley writes her letter for Lucas, she calls Quinn.","HALEY(Voice-over): Hi, Luke. Nathan left for camp today, and the house is pretty quiet. Should be more time for me to write. I've been feeling better lately, but...I still think about my mom a lot. I still feel her sometimes, hear her voice... And see her smile. The truth is, I miss her. I miss you. I miss Peyton... And Keith... And Karen... And Nathan while he's gone. But it helps to have Quinny closer.","QUINN'S PHONE: Hey, this is Quinn, and this is the beep.","HALEY: Hi, Quinny. It's me again. Nathan said he stopped by and you guys didn't answer. So... just call me back when you get this. You're starting to freak me out a little and I have something I want to tell you. So... call me. Nerd.","HALEY:(Voice-over): The truth is, when it gets really quiet, when the silence gets too loud and I really start to miss everyone, I tell myself the same thing. I can't see you, but I know you're there.","CLOTHES OVER BROS","Mouth enters the store, Julian is here.","MOUTH: Wow. I guess I picked the wrong day to ask for a job. Brooke speaks with her lawyer in company about Victoria and Millicent.","BROOKE: What exactly are we being charged with?","ATTORNEY: One count conspiracy to commit securities fraud, one count conspiracy to commit wire fraud and three additional counts of wire fraud.","BROOKE: Okay. Could you explain this to me as if I'm, say... 12?","ATTORNEY: The security-fraud charges allege a knowing misrepresentation of earnings filed in quarterly and annual reports to the securities and exchange commission on behalf of Clothes over Bros.","BROOKE: Right. How about like I'm 8?","VICTORIA: We're being charged with lying to potential investors about the value of our company to get them to invest in the men's line.","MILLICENT: We're not proud of that.","BROOKE: Does it matter if I was completely unaware of all of this?","ATTORNEY: Well, unfortunately, they have signed documents that prove otherwise.","BROOKE: Documents signed by who?","ATTORNEY: Well, signed by you, Ms. Davis.","BROOKE: Uh-huh.","CLUB TRIC","Alex called to Chase drinks that it prepared.","ALEX: Long Island Iced Tea, Freddie Fuddpucker, Salty Dog, Moscow Mule, and a Brain Blaster.","CHASE: Whoa. Are you trying to get me drunk?","ALEX: Yes, and I'm also proving my bartender skills to my not-so-bossy boss.","CHASE: Hm. Brain blaster. Come on. How come yours is good?","ALEX: 'Cause I'm kind of awesome like that. Plus, I changed the ingredients. Oh, and check it out.","CHASE: We're not open yet!","(A group of guy wait the main door)","MAN: Hey, is this the bar where Alex Dupre is bar-tending?","CHASE: Yeah. But we're not open yet.","MAN: That's fine. We'll wait.","ALEX: I might have tweeted a few things.","CLAY'S HOUSE","Halley strikes the main door but nobody answers. She moves towards the window of the room and sees Clay and Quinn in blood.","HALEY: Quinn? Clay? The subcontinents of Quinn and Clay try to know what it occurred.","CLAY: It wasn't a dream. You went to bed. Do you remember? You went to the bedroom.","QUINN: Yeah, but then I came back.","CLAY: No, you didn't come back. Just try and remember. You went to the bedroom.","QUINN: I went to the bedroom, and I turned the light on, and... Katie was there.","CLAY: Did you see the same thing I saw?","QUINN: She had a gun. Clay, I didn't come back.","CLAY: Oh, my god.","QUINN: Clay, what's happening?","CLAY: It's my fault.","HOSPITAL","Clay and Quinn are transported to the hospital in urgency.","AMBULANCE WOMAN: Two victims coming in, both critical. Victim one, male. Estimated mid-20s. Single gunshot wound to the chest. Victim two, female. Estimated early 20s. Single gunshot to the abdomen. Both unresponsive, time unknown, with massive blood loss.","SURGEON: What do we got?","AMBULANCE WOMAN: Two gunshot victims. Unknown down time. At least 12 hours.","SURGEON: How the hell's he still alive? Okay, O.R. Let's go.","CLAY: Quinn. Hey. Help her. Quinn! Hey -- please help her! It's my fault.","BEACH","Clay rejoins Quinn.","CLAY: It's all my fault.","ONE TREE HILL - GENERIQUE","HOSPITAL","Haley is in waiting room, she tries to join Brooke.","CLOTHES OVER BROS","Brooke does not answer, she wants to know what one does Victoria and Millicent.","BROOKE: Why is my signature on these documents?","VICTORIA: Because you live in Tree Hill with your friends, wandering about, going to film festivals and the like.","BROOKE: Be careful, mother.","MILLICENT: Brooke, we sign all kinds of things for you.","BROOKE: But you knew this was illegal. And now my supposed signature is on everything.","VICTORIA: Honey, you empowered us to do this.","BROOKE: No, I empowered you to pick a cover model for the magazine, not to send me to prison. This is not my fault!","VICTORIA: Nobody's going to prison.","BROOKE: I wouldn't be so sure about that. But let me tell you something. If somebody is, it is not gonna be me. You did this, and you helped her, and I will not take the blame for this!","PEYTON'S OFFICE","Halley calls Mia, she answers.","MIA: Hi, Hales.","HALEY: Hi. Um, I hate to ask, but I was just wondering if you could pick Jamie up for me. Uh, I tried Brooke, and I couldn't get her.","MIA: Sure. Is everything okay?","HALEY: Well, I can't really talk right now, but if you could just, um, get Jamie and keep him busy until you hear from me, that would be great. He's at, um, Kennedy Park, okay?","MIA: No problem. I'll get him. Just call me when you can, okay?","HALEY: Okay. Thanks.","MIA: Bye. [ cellphone beeps ]","CLUB TRIC","Guys have fun with Alex. Mia unloads.","CHASE: Hey. This... this isn't... Okay, it is, but...","MIA: Can I borrow your car?","CHASE: Sure. Is everything okay?","MIA: Everything is so not okay. On second thought...","(Mia drinks alcohol glass)","MIA: You better drive. I've been drinking.","KENNEDY PARK","Chase comes to recover Jamie.","CHASE: Hey, Jamie. How you doing, buddy?","JAMIE: Do I know you?","CHASE: Dude... Who are you, Victoria Davis? It's me -- Chase. Bartender from Tric. Well, Bar Manager. I built you that snow fort in Utah.","JAMIE: Oh, right. Hey.","CHASE: So, listen, um, your mom had something come up, so I'm supposed to pick you up today. You ready?","JAMIE: Yeah, I don't think so.","CHASE: No, seriously. Your mom called Mia, and we're supposed to get you.","JAMIE: Well, I'm kind of hungry. Do you have any snacks?","CHASE: Um... I got some gum in the car.","JAMIE: Okay, so, you expect me to get in your car and take candy from a stranger? Yeah, I'm gonna have to pass.","(Mia comes in)","MIA: What's up?","CHASE: He doesn't want to go.","MIA: Hey, Jamie. Remember me? I'm Mia. I work at Red Bedroom Records.","JAMIE: Oh, yeah. Hey. You're really good friends with my mom, huh?","MIA: Yeah, that's right. I am really good friends with your mom.","JAMIE: So, if you're really good friends with my mom, how come you weren't in Utah?","MIA: You make a good point.","JAMIE: No offense, but considering my history, I'm gonna have to pass up on you, too.","(Julian comes in too)","JULIAN: Jamie Scott. Dude, your mom left me a message to pick you up. You ready?","JAMIE: Yeah, sure. Let's go.","JULIAN: Hey.","CHASE: Man, that kid hates me.","MIA: I didn't even get invited to Utah.","HOSPITAL","Quinn tries to understand the situation.","QUINN: I don't understand what's happening. I mean, this has to be a dream.","CLAY: I don't think so.","QUINN: Will you just stop and talk to me? What are you looking for?","CLAY: Us.","QUINN: Haley! Brooke is arrived. Quinn sees Haley but she not.","HALEY: Oh, thank God you're here.","BROOKE: Oh, my god. I'm so sorry. I came as soon as I got your message. Julian's picking up Jamie. How are they?","QUINN: Haley, I'm right here.","HALEY: Um, Quinn got out of surgery...","QUINN: Hales.","HALEY: And Clay didn't.","QUINN: Haley!","HALEY: It was horrible, Brooke.","BROOKE: And you found them?","QUINN: She can't see me.","CLAY: I can.","KENNEDY PARK","Julian offers an ice to Jamie.","JULIAN: Thanks, man. So, what are Mia and Chase doing here?","JAMIE: Trying to kidnap me.","JULIAN: Nice. Good thing we foiled 'em.","JAMIE: So, what went wrong?","JULIAN: Nothing. Why?","JAMIE: Well, it's just weird that you're picking me up.","JULIAN: No, it's not. We hung out together in Utah, bro. We... we had drinks at the bar, el borracho. You gave me the good-luck gold star.","JAMIE: Oh, yeah. I'm gonna need that back.","JULIAN: Okay.","JAMIE: I'm gonna have to use it for whatever you're not telling me about.","JULIAN: Stop it.So, baseball, huh?","JAMIE: Yep.","JULIAN: Dude, I totally sucked at baseball. I always used to strike out, and then they'd yell stuff like \"Julian's screwed again.\" Stupid Brian Fernandez.","JAMIE: I could probably help you with that.","JULIAN: Yeah?","JAMIE: Well, not the bitter part about Brian Fernandez, but the hitting part.","JULIAN: Okay, let's do it.","JAMIE: Besides, we're probably gonna have to kill some time, huh?","JULIAN: Until what?","JAMIE: Until you tell me what went wrong.","JULIAN: Bro, nothing went wrong.","HOSPITAL","Clay is in operating room. his subsconcient looks it by the pane in top.","MAN: Come on, kid. Hung in there this long. Don't give up now.","WOMAN: You ever heard of anyone surviving something like this?","MAN: No.","WOMAN: Blood pressure dropping. We're losing him.","GROUND OF BASEBALL","Julian draws but he never arrives at touching the ball with the beater.","JAMIE: Can I ask you something?","JULIAN: Sure.","JAMIE: Have you had your eyes checked lately?","JULIAN: Thanks a lot.","(He tries again but he arrives not yet)","JULIAN: You know what -- if you're so good at it, why don't you come out and show me what you got, hot shot?","JAMIE: All right.","JULIAN: Beginner's luck. Okay, I think the machine's broken. It's totally pitching slower now. Show-off.","JAMIE: It's not that hard. You just have to swing level. Don't try to kill it.","JULIAN: Okay.","JAMIE: Lower your back shoulder a little bit.","JULIAN: Okay.","JAMIE:A little more.","JULIAN: Yeah?","JAMIE: Perfect. Now swing level.","JULIAN: Oh-ho-ho-ho! JAMIE:Yeah! Nice!","JULIAN: Yeah! That's the first hit I've ever gotten in my life.","JAMIE: Hit another one.","JULIAN: Aah! Take that, Brian Fernandez!","JAMIE: You got to let it go, dude.","JULIAN: Yeah, I know. Ahh!","HOSPITAL","Brooke brings coffee to Haley.","BROOKE: Hey.","HALEY: Thanks. I thought they were dead. I got worried when I didn't hear from them since Utah, and... I just had this feeling, and I should have gone out there sooner.","BROOKE: Haley.","HALEY: I should have. And when Quinn didn't call me back, I should have gotten in the car, instead of being lazy, and just gone...","BROOKE: Haley, stop. You just got home from Utah, and you found out that you're pregnant. It's amazing that you went out there when you did. It's more than I would have done. Do not beat yourself up over this. You hear me? After everything you've been through, It's not good for you. And it can't be good for the baby. You did everything you could, Hales. Now, what can I do for you?","HALEY: Nothing. It's just really nice to have you here. I love you, Brooke Davis.","BROOKE: I know. I love you, too.","HALEY: I just don't think we say it enough, and I'm really sorry for that.","BROOKE: Listen to me. Quinn made it through surgery, and she can make it all the way back. All right? She's a James girl.","HALEY: I just wish... The doctors would tell me something. They're not telling me anything. And now I have to talk to the police.","BROOKE: Oh, don't get me started on the police. Long story.","KENNEDY PARK","Chase and Mia talk.","MIA: It's a long story... The reasons I thought we should break up.","CHASE: You don't have to explain it.","MIA: No, I think I do. I just hadn't been back in a long time, and every night, I'd sit on the tour bus and have conversations with the road.","CHASE: And what did the road have to say?","MIA: The road said that a long-distance girlfriend who sleeps better on a bus than she ever has in her own bed is a gypsy and a nomad and... No girlfriend at all. And then the night agreed with the road, and...We all decided that you deserve better.","CHASE: Well... I guess I appreciate that, but... the truth is, your texts made it sound like you decided that you deserved better. At least, whenever you actually responded at all.","MIA: I'm terrible with that. I know I am. And I'm sorry. CHASE:Yeah. So am I.","CLUB TRIC","Mouth talks with Alex.","MOUTH: So, how'd you get this job, anyway?","ALEX: It's kind of a long story.","MOUTH: You know, I asked Chase if he was hiring when we were in Utah.","ALEX: I tied a cherry stem with my tongue.","MOUTH: Damn it.","ALEX: Anyways, I thought you used to be on tv or something.","MOUTH: I thought you used to be in movies or something.","ALEX: I'm taking a break.","MOUTH: Yeah. Me too. Only, uh, mine's kind of not on purpose.","ALEX: That's like saying you're celibate when you can't get laid.","MOUTH: Then I guess I'm celibate, too.","(Chase comes in)","MOUTH: Dude, really?","CHASE: What?","MOUTH: I asked you for a job in Utah.","CHASE: Yeah, but she kisses better.","MOUTH: Man, you gave away my job and you lied to me about my kissing? I wish I never made out with you in Utah.","CHASE: He's joking.","ALEX: Hey, if that's your story.","ALEX: So, how'd it go with your ex, who's not as near as good as the current?","CHASE: It went fine. How'd it go here?","ALEX: It went fine.","CHASE: Mm. Mm. Listen... I'm sorry, but she tied a cherry stem with her tongue.","MOUTH: Just sayin'.","PLATE OF PLAYS","Jamie wins all the time.","JAMIE: Yes! Sorry.","JULIAN: Jamie, you don't have to say you're sorry every time you beat me at something. Okay, I told you that after pac-man, donkey kong, the rock-climbing wall, and skee ball.","JAMIE: Well, sorry. Didn't you play anything when you grew up? No sports, no video games?","JULIAN: I watched a lot of movies. And I watched a lot of people. I used to watch people and make up stories about them.","JAMIE: You didn't have any friends, huh? Okay, well, what kind of stories?","JULIAN: Um, well... All right, take that guy. That guy works here for now, but he used to run the sideshow in a traveling carnival... until the bearded lady broke his heart and he had to get away.","JAMIE: My dad says I won't be able to grow a beard till I'm at least 30.","JULIAN: Be happy about that.","JAMIE: Okay, well, what about that guy?","JULIAN: That guy... Hates tattoo guy because tattoo guy called his graphic novels \"comic books.\" He also borrowed his first-edition copy of \"The Alcoholic\" and never gave it back.","JAMIE: Chuck's mom is an alcoholic.","JULIAN: He totally spit in that drink, too. All right, you try it.","JAMIE: Okay. That lady... Isn't really that boy's mom. She just had to pick him up and do a bunch of fun stuff with him because something went wrong and she's too chicken to tell him. Oh, and she's also about to bribe him with a nice cold root beer.","JULIAN: Really?","HOSPITAL","Quinn joins Clay in surgery room.","QUINN: Hey.","CLAY: Hey. How are you doing?","QUINN: I feel weak.","CLAY: How's the other you doing?","QUINN: I don't know. I was checking on the other you. We're still alive, aren't we, Clay? I mean, we'll go back, right? We'll be us again?","CLAY: Yeah. Of course.","QUINN: I just don't want it to be over.","CLAY: I know.","QUINN: If I have to be stuck here, even if it is forever... at least I'm with you. Haley is with the bedside of Quinn, Nathan joins her. Then, he will see Clay.","NATHAN: Hey, buddy. It's me. Doctor says you can maybe hear me, so, uh... If you can, why don't you... I don't know...book me a rainstorm body spray commercial or something, and then we can get the hell out of here. Listen... You know how you're always telling me what a warrior I am? The truth is, you're the warrior. My life is so much better because of you and I'm not sure I ever said \"thank you\" for that. The, um... The doctors say it's a miracle that you're even breathing but I know that it's not. All this is nothing. 'Cause I know your spirit and I've seen your strength. Okay, so... Just... Just come back to us when you can because I never said \"thank you\" and I never said \"I love you.\"","CLAY: I love you, too, Nate. I'm gonna miss you, buddy. Haley talks with Quinn.","HALEY: You know, I was thinking the other day about those little plays we used to put on when we were little for the whole family. You know, we would color invitations, and everybody got all dressed up. We made snacks and lemonade and you always insisted on singing and dancing. And you were... Really terrible at both. And you turned into this... beautiful swan. I was so proud of you. I went to the beach house to tell you that...I'm pregnant. And I want you to be the godmother, because it's been everything having you near me this past year. They say you don't know what you've got till it's gone. And I guess I didn't know how much I missed you till you were in my life every day. How much I needed you. Come home soon, Quinny. And if you see mom, you tell her to send you right back here to me... Because we have invitations to make and stories to write. Just me and my beautiful swan of a sister.","QUINN: She's pregnant and I'm supposed to be the godmother.","(Clay joins Quinn in her room)","CLAY: You will be. Come on.","GARDEN","Quinn and Clay walk.","QUINN: It's beautiful.","CLAY: I was gonna take you here before we went to Utah.","QUINN: Well, why didn't you?","CLAY: I just got busy, you know? I thought that we had more time. Hey, but promise me that you'll go back here someday.","QUINN: We'll go. Together.","CLAY: And promise me that you'll take the time to feel... Lucky and happy and fortunate. Don't waste days with \"what could have beens\" and \"what should have beens.\"","QUINN: Clay, why are you telling me these things?","CLAY: Because those things don't matter.","QUINN: Clay... Why are you talking like this?","CLAY: Because you have to leave me now.","HOSPITAL","Brooke, Nathan and Haley wait.","WOMAN ON P.A.: Paging Dr. Stateman. Dr. Stateman, please.","BROOKE: So...I got arrested today.","NATHAN: What?","HALEY: Why? What happened?","BROOKE: Apparently, my lovely mother and Millicent lied about the company's earnings and falsified a whole bunch of documents with my signature on them.","NATHAN: Lied to who?","BROOKE: Investors.","HALEY: Brooke, how bad can this get?","BROOKE: I don't know. I met with our attorney this morning. They're saying some things, but...","HALEY: Brooke. How bad can it get?","BROOKE: I could lose the company.","HALEY: Oh, my god. Why didn't you say anything?","BROOKE: Because it's not life and death. Because I haven't even really congratulated you on your pregnancy. I am so happy for you guys. But I had a thought. If you really like the new baby, can I have Jamie?","NATHAN: Yeah, you can have him. But you have to have the s*x talk with him first.","BROOKE: Already? It's like yesterday he was...","HALEY: Going on treasure hunts with Quinn.","CLUB TRIC","Jamie and Julian drank glass.","JAMIE: It's my aunt Quinn, isn't it? Something happened to my aunt Quinn.","JULIAN: Why would you say that?","JAMIE: Well, because she was supposed to pick me up today. And she never misses her day with me.","JULIAN: Yeah, buddy. Your aunt Quinn's in the hospital.","JAMIE: Well, I'm glad they sent you to pick me up. You don't just treat me like a kid. So, can we go to the hospital now?","JULIAN: Let me call your mom and check.","HOSPITAL","Nathan is with the bedside of Clay and Haley to the bedside of Quinn.","CLUB TRI C","Millicent joins Mouth.","GARDEN","Clay and Quinn are looked at. Clay disappears.","HOSPITAL","Julian and Jamie arrives.","CLUB TRIC","Millicent talk with Mouth.","MOUTH: I'm really sorry about Clothes over Bros, Millie.","MILLICENT: I'm just sorry for Brooke. She trusted me, and I let her down...again.","MOUTH: There's got to be some leniency, though, right? I mean, you make restitution to the investors and you pay a fine or something.","MILLICENT: I don't think it's that simple. It's a federal offense.","ALEX: Hey, bitch! What's the haps? Are you guys totally re-hooking it up? Okay. Sorry. I'm gonna walk away.","MOUTH: So, how's Brooke doing with her mom?","CLOTHES OVER BROS","Brooke recovers some businesses.","BROOKE: You were never proud of me, were you?","VICTORIA: Why would you say that?","BROOKE: Because if you were proud of me, if you believed in me and in the men's line, you wouldn't have lied. You wouldn't have felt the need to make Clothes over Bros seem better than it is.","VICTORIA: Is that what you think?","BROOKE: Yeah, it is.","VICTORIA: Well, you're wrong. It's because I did believe. I thought I could lie to them because I did believe in you, because I've seen you do amazing things. And in the face of a poor economy, I refused to believe that you wouldn't do it again. I gamble on your talent, Brooke. I gamble on your instinct and your ability to make miracles happen. And I'm usually right. Gambling is what you pay me to do. That other stuff...that \"I'm proud of you\" part...I always did that for free. It's always been the easy part.","BEACH","QUINN: What do you mean I have to leave you now?","CLAY: I mean you have to go back.","QUINN: With you.","CLAY: Quinn, you've been saying it yourself. You're feeling weak. You know why that is? Because your body's healing, so it's getting ready to leave this place.","QUINN: So what?","CLAY: So I've been feeling stronger. My body's getting stronger.","QUINN: It doesn't matter, okay? I'm staying with you.","CLAY: You can't.","QUINN: Would you just stop saying things like that, okay? We're together for a reason, okay, and I'm not gonna leave you.","CLAY: You don't have a choice. Quinn, you can't choose not to live. And even if you could, I wouldn't let you.","QUINN: None of this is real, anyways.","CLAY: Listen to me. Haley's pregnant. She can't lose you right now. I mean, what would that do to her? And think what that would do to the baby. Think what that would do to Jamie.","HOSPITAL","Jamie wants to speak in Quinn.","NATHAN: Now, remember what the doctor said. Got to be positive, upbeat, okay?","JAMIE: Is it okay if I talk to her alone?","NATHAN: Yeah, of course. I'll just be right outside if you need me, okay?","BEACH","Quinn starts to dig sand.","HOSPITAL","JAMIE: Hi, aunt Quinn. I wanted to come see you because I knew something was wrong, and I know you'd never miss one of our days together unless you really had to. I'm sorry that people do bad things like this, especially to good people, like you. Well, I'm just sorry, that's all. Anyway, I know you're gonna be okay, but just in case, I brought you something. I love you, aunt Quinn. And don't worry, 'cause you look really pretty.","(Jamie gives her the star amulet)","BEACH","Quinn discovers the treasure where the star is hidden.","CHURCH OF HOSPITAL","Nathan finds Haley.","HALEY: Not long ago, I was here praying for my mom.","NATHAN: I know.","HALEY: I'm trying hard not to be angry. I'm trying to be sympathetic to whatever sickness or disease would allow someone to do something like this. But I think I'm losing that battle.","NATHAN: I'm way ahead of you.","HALEY: You should be at camp.","NATHAN: It'll be fine. It's fine.","HALEY: Good. 'Cause I need you.","NATHAN: I'm right here.","BEACH","Quinn joins Clay.","QUINN: I want to stay with you.","CLAY: I know. And I want that, but you can't.","QUINN: I can. Okay? I'm just fine, Clay. I'm right here.","CLAY: It doesn't matter. I can't have you here with me. Wherever this is, I need you to go back.","QUINN: Why?!","CLAY: Because it was my fault.","CLUB TRIC","Millicent stills talks with Mouth.","MILLICENT: It was my fault. I knew Victoria was doing the wrong thing, and I let her do it anyway. What happened to me, Marvin? How did I get here?","MOUTH: Are you asking the guy who used to be on buses and billboards in Omaha or the guy who needs you to pay for his drinks tonight?","MILLICENT: I'm really sorry about what happened to you.","MOUTH: Don't be.","MILLICENT: But you came back from Omaha for me.","MOUTH: And I came back to a good job. The rest of it was my doing, Millie, so you're not to blame for this... I am. It was my fault, too. Mia talks with Alex.","MIA: It was my fault. You were right. I screwed up my relationship with Chase all on my own. That doesn't mean you're not a bitch, because you are one. It just means it was my fault.","BRULIAN'S HOUSE","Brooke feels guilty.","BROOKE: It was my fault. I blamed my mom and I blamed Millicent, but it's my company, and it was my fault.","JULIAN: But you didn't make them lie, Brooke.","BROOKE: No, I forced them to. Not directly, but I did with the choices I made.","JULIAN: Hey, you're not gonna lose the company. Okay? But even if you did... So what, you know?You're here. We're here. And after a day like today, it all gets pretty simple, doesn't it? They can't take away your talent. You built this company with your talent and your instincts. And no one can take those away from you.","BEACH","QUINN: But everything is better with you. Everything is better and everything is safe, and I can't live without you. I don't want to, Clay.","CLAY: You won't have to. You won't.","QUINN: Then come with me. Please. Why can't you just come back with me?","CLAY: Hey, listen to me. I can't explain it, but this is what we have to do. You just got to trust me.","QUINN: Then promise me. I'll do whatever you say, okay?","CLAY: Okay.","QUINN: Just promise me you'll come back to me. Promise me you'll open your eyes and you'll live a long, healthy, amazing life. Promise it. Promise me.","CLAY: I'm going to live a long, healthy, amazing life... With you. I promise. Till kingdom come. Now open your eyes.","QUINN: I don't want to -- not if it means losing you, Clay. I can't.","CLAY: It won't. I promise you.","QUINN: Till kingdom come. I love you.","CLAY: Now open your eyes. Till kingdom come.","HOSPITAL","Quinn opens the eyes. End of the episode."],"Show Title":"One Tree Hill","Episode Number":"08x02","Episode Title":"I Can't See You, But I Know You're There","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"One_Tree_Hill_09x05.json","Recap":["Nathan seems to have vanished on his way home, Haley goes searching for him and ultimately suspects Dan of having something to do with it. Tara gives Brooke a cockroach-infested flower as a \"Face to face friends request\", ultimately causing Brooke to destroy Tara's cafe after Tara gets personal in her attacks. Chase continues to feel guilty for sleeping with Tara behind Chris Keller's back. Chase also feels unwanted after Chuck spends all his attention on Keller and later his father, who finally comes back home. Clay checks into rehab, and Quinn spends the day babysitting Jamie & Lydia. This episode is named after a song by Echo and the Bunnymen ."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","NATHAN: I'm sorry for what happened to your diner. All right, and I appreciate the way you've been with my wife and my family, but when I come back, you need to be gone.","CHRIS: Well, well.","NATHAN: Chris Keller. What are you doing here?","CHRIS: I run red bedroom records.","HALEY: I was wondering if you could remove the slanderous sign that's hanging outside of your building.","HALEY: Are you sure it's not too juvenile?","BROOKE: No. If they're not gonna play nice, then neither are we.","TARA: You two have 30 seconds to get off my property, or I'm calling the cops.","CLAY: A lot of people sleepwalk.","QUINN: They don't get dressed, grab their phone, and go sleep in a park. You said you wanted to close your eyes to me and that you wanted to live your life with me.","CLAY: I'm gonna get help.","QUINN: It's gonna happen.","TARA: I left my number in your phone. It's under \"N\" for \"not Alex.\"","CHRIS: Well, how's Chris Keller's lady doing?","NATHAN: Look what daddy got you, Lydia... Mirna Moose.","HALEY: Just calling to make sure everything's okay. Just call me when you get this, okay?","BROOKE: What happened?","JULIAN: I forgot. I just... Forgot. It was at least 101 when I left Davis. I can't forgive myself for this. I can't forgive myself for being so careless.","NALEY'S HOUSE","Haley tries to get in touch with Nathan.","HALEY (at phone): Hi, Nathan. I'm, uh, really sorry to leave you like 20 messages, babe, but I'm... I'm starting to get worried, and, uh, hopefully you took a later flight and you're in the air right now, but please just call me as soon you get this, okay? Okay, I love you. Bye.","(She hangs up. Dan enters in the room)","DAN: Good morning, Haley.","HALEY: Oh, good morning.","DAN: Everything okay?","HALEY: Actually, would you mind watching the kids today?","DAN: I have to be away from the house for a while today. I'm sorry.","HALEY: Okay.","DAN: You're sure everything's okay?","HALEY: Things are fine.","BRULIAN'S HOUSE","Brooke comes in the kitchen. Julian is still here, sad.","BROOKE: Babe, something's up with Haley. I got to run to the caf\u00e9 to cover for her. I think she's just trying to avoid that Tree Hill caf\u00e9 bitch. Can you believe they had the nerve to put up a murderer banner? I mean, who does that? Julian, are you okay?","JULIAN: The police station called. They're not gonna press charges against me.","BROOKE: That's great, but of course they're not. Hey. We need to move past this, too. Davis is fine. So, can you drop the kids at the sitter for me on your way to work today? Do you need me to tell you that I think you're an incredible dad and I love you? I do. Both. We're gonna be fine. I trust you, okay? You just...you need to learn to trust yourself.","CHASE'S LOFT","Chase wakes up and finds out Chuck is here. Tara too.","CHUCK: Naughty, naughty.","TARA: Who is that?","ADAM: Chuck, say hello to Tara.","CHUCK: Did you have a sleepover?","TARA: Sort of.","CHASE: How did you get in here?","CHUCK: Took Alex's key. She didn't want it.","CHASE: What are you doing here?","CHUCK: Just came by to tell you I can't go to the movies 'cause my dad's coming home today.","TARA: Ohh. Don't look so sad. You can take me to the movies. Or, better yet, we can stay home and make our own movie.","CHASE: His dad?","DOCTOR'S OFFICE","Clay is in seance with his doc.","DOCTOR: How'd you sleep last night?","CLAY: Not great. I already miss my bed. And Quinn. But at least I woke up in the same bed, so... Maybe I'm good.","DOCTOR: I don't think you're good just yet. Clay, you have what's called a dissociative fugue disorder.","CLAY: A fugue disorder?","DOCTOR: In short, you temporarily become someone else. People can function normally. They walk, drive, even have a conversation, but when they come to, they can't remember anything.","CLAY: Why? I mean, why me? Why now?","DOCTOR: Sometimes a traumatic incident can trigger the mind's circuit breaker, causing the lights to go out. Now, my guess is that at some point in your life, you repressed something in order to cope, and now that truth is trying to resurface.","CLAY: So I'm like Jason Bourne, except I wake up on merry-go-rounds?","DOCTOR: Yeah, without all the shooting and chasing. Well, a little shooting and chasing.","CLAY: So what do I do now?","DOCTOR: We dig a little bit. I help you discover that missing information. Once we figure out what it is, the wandering should stop.","CLAY: That sounds really, uh, not fun. But, see, here's the thing, doc. Whatever it is I repressed...I-if I repressed it...I don't want to know what it is. So, I think I'm gonna go. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to waste your time.","DOCTOR: I'm afraid you can't leave, Clay. You checked yourself in, so now we're responsible for you for at least the next 24 hours. It's just one day. Maybe it'll make a difference.","JULIAN'S CAR","Julian puts babies in the car.","JULIAN: Okay, boys. Here we go.","NALEY'S HOUSE","Quinn enters in the house. Haley is busing.","QUINN: Hey.","HALEY: Hey, Quinny. Thanks for coming over.","QUINN: What happened?","HALEY: Um, Nathan never made it home last night.","QUINN: Oh, I mean, I'm sure everything's fine. He probably just missed his flight. No, it's not like him.","HALEY: If something had changed, he would have called me by now.","QUINN: Well, I mean, maybe he lost his cell phone.","HALEY: He knows my number. I don't know... I just think I should call the police. I'd rather be safe than sorry.","QUINN: Yeah, of course. I...","(Jamie comes in)","JAMIE: Is dad home yet?","QUINN: Hey, bud. Um, your dad's delayed just a little bit, but, uh, he'll be home soon. And until then, you and Lydia are hanging out with me today. Come on. Let's go get her.","(Haley tries again to call Nathan)","LOCAL","The Haley's call ring in a local. A man takes the phone and throws it in the wall.","RED BEDROOM RECORD","Chuck comes with Chase to tell some thing to Chris.","CHRIS: It's like printing my own money.","CHUCK: Hi.","CHHRIS: What up, kid Keller? Ha.","CHASE: Chuck, just ask him.","CHRIS: That's okay. I got it. You're using pomade instead of gel. You got to mix the two.","CHUCK: Will you come meet my dad tonight?","CHRIS: Sure. You know what? Tell him to bring his Chris Keller CD collection, 'cause for kid Keller, I'll even sign autographs.","CHUCK: This is gonna be the best night ever. My two favorite people in the same place. Awesome.","CHASE: Don't you have three favorite people?","CHUCK: Oh. Right. My mom's gonna be there, too.","(Tara comes in too)","TARA: There's my baby.","CHRIS: Hey-hey! Hey. Mm. Mm.","ADAM: Okay, here we go. Let's go. Got to go!","CHRIS: That's weird. No wonder chicks don't dig that guy.","DOCTOR'S OFFICE","Clay is always in therapist.","CLAY: So, let me get this straight. We're just gonna talk and talk until we uncover some horrible past?","DOCTOR: Doesn't have to be horrible.","CLAY: Can't you just give me pills or shock therapy or something?","DOCTOR: You know, most people would prefer talking over getting shocked, but I might be able to get my hands on a taser gun. Talking is the treatment, Clay.","CLAY: I-I just don't see how it will help when I'm supposedly hiding what we need to talk about.","DOCTOR: We'll get there. Talk to me about Sara.","CLAY: Yeah, 'cause that's not horrible. She died.","DOCTOR: Would you prefer to talk about the painkillers, then?","CLAY: I guess I bought some.","DOCTOR: You guess?","CLAY: Yeah, I don't remember, so I guess.","DOCTOR: Okay, what's the last thing you do remember?","CLAY: I remember you telling me that this was gonna help.","DOCTOR: I'll get the taser.","KAREN'S CAFE","Millicent is in the cafe and she wants a latte. Brooke doesn't know how use the machine.","MILLICENT: Can I get a vanilla latte?","BROOKE: Sure!","MILLICENT: This is kind of weird...you getting me a latte.","BROOKE: Coffee is the new latte.","MILLICENT: Do you know how to use that machine?","BROOKE: Millie, I am part owner of this cafe. If I wanted to... Do the... Thingy and make the milk all Fluffy-like, I would.","MILLICENT: Coffee sounds perfect.","BROOKE: Thanks.","MILLICENT: Do you have any pistachio muffins? Tara comes in the cafe and she has a plant.","TARA: We do. Right next door. Yummy.","BROOKE: You have to go. You are not welcome here.","TARA: Okay. I put up a banner. You put up a banner. I don't know what got into me. And as you know, Brooke Davis, opening and maintaining a successful business can be very stressful.","BROOKE: What is that?","TARA: It's a face-to-face friend request. I hope you'll accept. Great.","BROOKE: Seriously? I wish there was a face-to-face block feature. Ugh.","TRIC","Chuck and Chase drink some beer.","CHASE: I think we need to talk.","CHUCK: I know. First Alex leaves town. Now Tara leaves you for Chris Keller?","CHASE: Well, the thing is, Tara didn't leave me.","CHUCK: Chase, you need to face the fact that your girlfriend's with Chris Keller now. Can't really blame her. Chris Keller is Chris Keller.","CHASE: You're right.","CHUCK: Unless... are you dating Chris Keller's girlfriend?","CHASE: I'm not sure I'd call it dating.","CHUCK: But you must not have known it was Chris Keller's girlfriend, right?","CHASE: Well, not at first.","CHUCK: Chuck Skolnick has never been more disappointed in you.","NALEY'S HOUSE","Chris comes in to show the new album song. Haley is ready to go somewhere.","HALEY: Yeah, come on in!","CHRIS: Hey! Huh?","HALEY: I really don't have time for this right now. Ugh.","CHRIS: Whoa. Chris Keller's insulted by your lack of enthusiasm.","HALEY: Listen to me. Nathan never came home last night. I have been on the phone all morning. The airport won't give me any information. Nobody will help me...","CHRIS: Okay, I'll help you. I know some people at the airport. I slept with a stewardess once.","HALEY: Goodbye, Chris.","CHRIS: Okay, \"flight attendant.\" Haley! Come on. Let me help. Where you going?","HALEY: I'm going to the police.","CHRIS: Okay, good. I slept with a cop once, too. Let's go!","HOSPITAL\/KAREN'S CAFE","Brooke calls Julian.","JULIAN(at phone): Hey.","BROOKE(at phone): Hey. I just got off the phone with the sitter. She said you're running late. Everything okay?","JULIAN(at phone): No, yeah, everything's fine. I just wanted to spend some more time with the kids.","BROOKE(at phone): Oh. Great. That's great. I'll let you get back to them, then.","JULIAN(at phone): Okay. Bye, babe. Love you.","BROOKE(at phone): I love you, too. Bye.","HOSPITAL'S ROOM","Julian sees a doctor to know Davis is okay.","JULIAN: You can just say it if you want.","DOCTOR: I'm not following.","JULIAN: You think I'm a horrible dad.","DOCTOR: I have seen horrible dads, and you are not one of them. But you are a lucky dad. You should be counting your blessings.","JULIAN: Is he okay?","DOCTOR: Julian, he's fine. Nothing's changed. Davis is still completely healthy. But I am a little concerned about you.","JULIAN: Are you sure he's okay? Because I read online that some symptoms can take a few days to surface.","DOCTOR: If you want my professional opinion... You should get this filled immediately. That's one day of rest and relaxation for you.","NALEY'S HOUSE","Quinn is in the swimming pool with Lydia. Jamie joins them.","QUINN: Jamie, come play \"Marco polo\" with us. Lydia keeps cheating. She won't keep her eyes closed.","JAMIE: Maybe later.","QUINN: Fine. What's on your mind, little man?","JAMIE: Clay. You know, aunt Quinn, it's not his fault when he wanders.","QUINN: I know.","JAMIE: Here. You should keep my silver dollar on you till Clay gets better.","QUINN: Thanks. Is it for good luck?","JAMIE: More your luck than his. It's silver. Just trust me on this one.","QUINN: Jamie, Clay is not a werewolf.","JAMIE: But there's supposed to be a full moon tonight.","QUINN: Jamie...","JAMIE: You don't have to be afraid. Not all werewolves are bad. Professor Lupin, one of Harry Potter's best teachers.","QUINN: Okay, if I promise to keep it on me, will you come play \"Marco polo\" with us?","JAMIE: Deal. But you're Marco.","QUINN: Come on.","KAREN'S CAFE","Millicent explains to Brooke how making a latte with the machine.","MILLICENT: So, you just grind the beans, then pack them in the portafilter. Look at that perfect crema.","BROOKE: Crema?","MILLICENT: The lighter-colored top layer. It's the mark of a great espresso.","BROOKE: Oh.","MILLICENT: Then, you aerate the milk until you get the consistency you want.","BROOKE: I'm sorry. What language are you speaking, and how do you know how to do this?","MILLICENT: We did a segment on \"mouth and Millie in the morning.\" You said you watch.","BROOKE: I do. But I'm the mother of twins, and sometimes they put on their own morning show. I did catch a clip on YouTube recently.","MILLICENT: Let me guess...the one where I call Marvin fat on live television.","BROOKE: I think it was more like, \"fat. Fat, fat, fat, fat.\" That's a bold move, Millie.","MILLICENT: It was a mean move, and I wish I could take it back. But at least he's eating healthier now.","BROOKE: So there's an upside. You are a genius! Hey, is there any way that I could get you guys to do a story on getting rid of Tree Hill cafe bitches?","MILLICENT: I'll see what I can do. I can't believe she hung up that banner. Who does that?","BROOKE: That's what I said! She's such a little...","MILLICENT: Cockroach!","BROOKE: Exactly. Hard to get rid of.","MILLICENT: Oh, dear!","BROOKE: Oh! Please tell me that that did not just really happen.","MILLICENT: Okay. Then that's not really happening, either.","BROOKE: Sick.","TARA'S CAFE","Tara talks with the waitress. Chase comes in.","TARA: I really don't see what your wedding has to do with me, so why don't you slap a smile on your face and get back to work before I have to find a new server.","CHASE: Hey. Hey. I need to talk to you.","TARA: Well, great. I'll come by later. I like to talk after s*x.","CHASE: That's... Just it. There's not gonna be any more of that. I'm setting a bad example for Chuck, and he really looks up to me, so...","TARA: I think it's sexy when you try to be noble. Brooke and Millicent saw the last scene.","BROOKE: First of all, ew. Second, you copy my cafe and now chase? Obsessed with my sloppy seconds much? You can have your cockroach-infested plant back.","TARA: What? This is the thanks I get for giving you a gift? It was perfectly fine when I dropped it off. Oh, my God. The roaches must have come from Karen's cafe.","BROOKE: Okay!","CHASE: Okay, there must be a reasonable explanation for this. Maybe this is all just a misunderstanding.","BROOKE: You are dead to me. And you... I know your type. I used to be a bit of a bitch just for the sake of being one, but now I am a bitch for the sake of my friends and family. You do not want to test that.","MILLICENT: Look up \"bitch,\" and you'll see Brooke.","BROOKE: Just try me.","CHASE: See you, Brooke.","BROOKE: Dead!","TARA: Bye.","DOCTOR'S OFFICE","Clay doesn't want to talk with the doc. He looks at the window.","DOCTOR: Clay, you wouldn't have come here if you didn't want to get better. What are you afraid of?","CLAY: Why is there a kid here?","DOCTOR: Uh, that's Logan. He lost his parents. He, uh, stays with us sometimes.We try to help him.","CLAY: How long's he been coming?","DOCTOR: Most of his life.","CLAY: Well, I don't have most of my life, doc. I have a business to run.","DOCTOR: If you don't try, you'll continue to be at war with yourself. The fugues will get worse, last longer, put you in more danger.","CLAY: Okay, I get that. Now try to understand this. There was a time in my life when I thought I was never getting out of that chasm... just that depression that had become my life after I lost Sara. But I did. I climbed out of it... One day at a time. I worked. I built a company. I fell in love again.","DOCTOR: You must miss her.","CLAY: There is nothing there, doc. The only thing that is different between the place I was in and the fugue states is that I remember everything about that time, and I'm not going back to that.","DOCTOR: Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and I'm sorry about that, Clay, but you are not out of that darkness yet. You're just running from it. All right, look. You know what? Go for a walk. Try to relax. We'll talk later.","CLAY: Yeah.","DOCTOR: But, Clay... You got to stop running sometime. You deserve to have a normal life.","POLICE'S STATION","Haley and Chris arrive.","HALEY: Excuse me. Um, hi. I just need to talk to someone about my husband. He's, um, Nathan Scott, and... He's missing.","POLICEMAN: How long's he been missing?","HALEY: Well, he was supposed to come home last night at 9:00, and he...","POLICEMAN: We can't file a report till 24 hours have passed.","CHRIS: Whoa, whoa. That's it?","POLICEMAN: 24 hours.","CHRIS: Did you see \"training day\"? You know Denzel was the bad guy in that movie.","HALEY: Chris, don't. You're gonna make it worse.","POLICEMAN: I don't like your tone.","CHRIS: I don't like lazy cops.","HALEY: I'm sorry.","POLICEMAN: Look, peacock, we have rules for a reason. Men leave their wives every day, especially professional athletes.","CHRIS: Oh, okay, so... You don't even know me. Hey, no, now we're making generalizations. So, you're the jackass in high school who now gets to harass people and carry a gun. Give us a minute.","HALEY: Okay.","CHRIS: All right, look, buddy. I know this woman. She wouldn't be here if there wasn't a problem. Nathan Scott's a good guy...a great father, a responsible husband. Come on, man. Even if he wasn't, would you leave her? Something's wrong here, I promise. Now, she just needs someone to make her feel better, make her feel like everything's gonna be okay.","POLICEMAN: Mrs. Scott? I'll do what I can do, okay?","HOSPITAL CENTRE","Clay joins Logan who looks at the sky.","CLAY: Whatcha looking at?","LOGAN: Lost my plane on the roof.","CLAY: Ohh, that sucks. What kind of plane is it?","LOGAN: You wouldn't know. An edf jet.","CLAY: Yeah, you're right. I mean, what would I know about a plane that flies on an electric ducted fan or know about maneuvers like cobras or dizzying flat spins? I used to build model planes with my dad.","LOGAN: You can do a cobra?","CLAY: Maybe. I don't know. My planes never left the ground.","LOGAN: What? Flying's the best part!","CLAY: Yeah, I just didn't want to crash.","LOGAN: Crashing's the second best part. Do you still make them?","CLAY: Uh, no. Not since my dad passed away.","LOGAN: Is that why you're staying here?","CLAY: No, I'm actually not staying. I'm leaving tonight.","LOGAN: I can't believe you never tried to fly.","NALEY'S HOUSE","Jamie plays in the swimming. Quinn sees him.","JAMIE: Cannibal!","QUINN: Did you say \"cannibal\"?","JAMIE: Yeah.","QUINN: It's \"cannonball,\" not \"cannibal.\"","JAMIE: Fine. Cannonball!","(Dan comes in)","JAMIE: Grandpa Dan, jump in.","DAN: Don't tempt me. (To Quinn) So, how's that boyfriend of yours?","QUINN: You know, you didn't need to try and drown Clay.","DAN: It worked last time. Where is he?","QUINN: He's getting help.","DAN: Sounds like it worked again. So, how you doing?","QUINN: Well, I don't need my head drowned in a pool, if that's what you're asking. I'll be fine when I know Clay's fine.","DAN: So you still believe in him?","QUINN: Yeah. Then you'll both be okay.","JAMIE: Cannonball!","TRIC","Chase cut some food. Chris comes in.","CHRIS: You know why I'm here, right?","CHASE: No. What's up?","CHRIS: 'Cause I want a drink! What, do you think I'm here to look at your pretty face?","CHASE: No, I-I just...","CHRIS: Just toss me a beer. I got a bunch of work to do tonight.","CHASE: I thought you were gonna swing by and see Chuck later.","CHRIS: Who? Oh, kid Keller. I don't know. It's been kind of a crazy day.","CHASE: Look, for whatever reason, he thinks you're a good guy. Crazy day or not, don't be a jerk to him. His life's been tough.","CHRIS: I heard that when the bartender gives you a tip, you don't have to tip the bartender. Sorry! Thanks, bud.","KAREN'S CAFE","Julian enters in the cafe to see Brooke.","BROOKE: Hey, handsome stranger. Name your poison.","JULIAN: Can I get a chai latte?","BROOKE: No problem. Wait. Did you say chai?","JULIAN: Yeah. Chai is so yesterday. Coffee is the new chai. It was sweet that you spent the morning with the boys. Where'd you go?","JULIAN: I took them to the hospital.","BROOKE: What happened? Are they okay?","JULIAN: The boys are fine, but the doctor thinks I need to take the day off. Don't do that.","BROOKE: What?","JULIAN: Don't give me that look. The doctor gave me the same kind of sympathetic look. So did the babysitter. I'm tired of people giving me the benefit of the doubt.","BROOKE: No one needs to give you the benefit of the doubt. It was a genuine mistake. It was my mistake, too. I knew you were overwhelmed and preoccupied with the stage. You were in a hurry. You were sleep-deprived. I should have seen that. The doctor's right. You just need to take your mind off of it. We both do. Why don't you go see a movie? You need it.","AIRPORT","Haley comes to airport to have information on Nathan.","HOSTESS: There you go. Have a nice flight.","HALEY: Hi, I was wondering if you could help me. I really need to know if my husband, Nathan Scott, was on flight 2326 last night.","HOSTESS: Okay. Well, I can tell you the flight did arrive in Tree Hill on time last night, but I'm not allowed to disclose any personal information about passengers... I'm sorry.","HALEY: I'm his wife. It's okay.","HOSTESS: No, I'm sorry. It's protocol. Anything else I can help you with?","HALEY: No. Thanks.","HOSTESS: Miss. Look, I'm sure everything is just fine. You know, I bet he just... he missed his flight.","HALEY: You know, if one more person tells me that, I'm gonna lose my mind. Can you imagine how you'd feel if your husband was missing and no one would help you find him?","HOSTESS: Okay. You didn't hear this from me.","HALEY: Thank you so much.","HOSTESS: Okay, it looks like Nathan Scott was on flight 2326 last night.","(Haley goes outside and finds Mirna Moose on the floor)","CHUCK'S HOUSE","Chase passes to see Chuck.","CHASE: Keller said he was sorry. He got held up. Told me to swing by and check on you.","CHUCK: I knew Keller wouldn't leave me hanging.","CHASE: I can meet your dad if you want.","CHUCK: Of course. That's a given.","CHASE: But you didn't ask me.","CHUCK: Didn't think I had to.","CHASE: Is he... is he here yet?","CHUCK: No, not yet. Must be running late. Sometimes he's late.","CHASE: Then we have time to shoot some hoops. Think fast.","KAREN'S CAFE","Julian goes outside and finds a note in his car. He go back in the cafe to shows it to Brooke.","JULIAN: Someone put this on my car.","BROOKE: Julian.","JULIAN: Why did it take a stranger to tell me the truth that I deserve to be punished.","BROOKE: Julian...","HOSPITAL CENTRE","Quinn visits Clay with Jamie and Lydia.","CLAY: Look out, world! It's another James girl! Boy, oh, boy, between your mommy's good looks and your daddy's athleticism, you are going to be unstoppable.","QUINN: Hey, speaking of, have you heard from Nathan?","CLAY: No, why?","QUINN: Oh, he, uh, he didn't make it home last night.","CLAY: Well, I'm sure he's fine. He always changes flights. He's probably just in the air and can't call.","QUINN: So, what can I do for you? Want me to bring you some more stuff from home?","CLAY: You know, honestly, I'm thinking about leaving. I'm just not sure that Dr. Alvarez is the right doctor for me.","QUINN: Why? What happened?","CLAY: He thinks that I'm hiding some big secret from myself and that's what's making me wander. He diagnosed me with a fugue disorder.","QUINN: Can it be treated?","CLAY: Yeah, I guess most people stop wandering once they've come to terms with whatever triggered it.","QUINN: I mean, if you have a diagnosis and a possible cure, why would you want to leave?","CLAY: I... What could possibly be bad enough to make my brain shut down? I guess I'm just afraid of what that missing information might be. And I'm afraid of burdening you with more of my struggle.","QUINN: It's because you're afraid that you need to stay.","JAMIE: You should probably have them reinforce the windows with bars or something. Full moon's a-comin'.","QUINN: Get over here. Right now. Give me this coin. You ready?","JAMIE: No.","QUINN: Well, at least we know you're not a werewolf.","JAMIE: Too bad.","QUINN: We'll be okay.","CHUCK'S HOUSE","Chuck and Chase plays basketball until Chuck'dad comes in.","CHUCK: Mm. Take that. H-o-r-s. \"Horse.\" I win.","CHASE: Uh, \"horse\" has an \"E\" in it, Chuck.","CHUCK: Yeah. Yeah, I know. I was just joking.","CHASE: Mm-hmm. All right, then. Your shot.","CHUCK: All right. You know, it's not a big deal if my dad doesn't show. I mean, I'm having fun hanging out with you.","CHASE: Thanks, buddy. Maybe we should do something really cool tomorrow. You can decide... anything you want.","CHUCK: Really? Anything?","CHASE: You name it. Is there something you've always wanted...","(Chuck's dad comes in)","CHUCK: Dad!","CHUCK'S DAD: Hey, hey, hey, buddy! Whoa, look at you! Look at you. How you doing?","CHUCK: I'm good. Dad, this is chase.","CHUCK'S DAD: You the sitter or something? You want some money?","CHASE: Uh, not exactly. I'm...","CHUCK'S DAD: Well, his mom will have to pay you later. All right, I got it from here. Thanks. Let's go inside. Look at how big you've gotten! My God.","NALEY'S HOUSE","Haley is sitting on the couch and is thinking.","FLASHBACK, JAMIE'S BEDROOM","Haley puts Jamie in his bed.","JAMIE: Mom?","HALEY: Yes?","JAMIE: Does grandpa Dan really have to leave when dad gets home?","HALEY: Yeah, honey, I'm afraid he does.","NALEY'S HOUSE","Haley understands and goes upstairs to seeks Dan's stuff. She finds a Lydia's picture and Jamie's baseball. Dan comes in.","DAN: Can I help you with something?","HALEY: I thought you said you lost everything in the fire.","HOSPITAL CENTRE","Clay comes to Logan's room to give him the plan.","CLAY: Hey.","LOGAN: Thought you were leaving.","CLAY: Nah, it looks like I'll be staying a while. I got you something.","LOGAN: You got it! Thanks.","CLAY: Yeah. I'm Clay.","LOGAN: Logan.","CLAY: Like Wolverine. He's my favorite superhero of all time.","LOGAN: Who?","CLAY: You don't know Wolverine? Come on, dude. He's awesome. All right, well, I got to get going, but, um, maybe tomorrow, we can fly that thing?","LOGAN: You're not afraid anymore?","CLAY: No, I'm still a little bit afraid, but I'm working on it.","RED BEDROOM RECORDS","Chris takes pictures of Tara who plays.","CHRIS: Boom! There it is! All right, now let me show you how to play. Probably easiest if you sit on my lap. You see what it's like to be old Chris Keller in his element. Mm.","(Chase comes in)","CHASE: Is this the work that made you bail on Chuck?","CHRIS: Look, sorry, man. I had to take care of Chris Keller tonight. Besides, he's hanging with his dad. He doesn't need a babysitter.","CHASE: You musicians are all the same. You know that? You just bulldoze through town, making empty promises, and you don't care who you hurt along the way.","CHRIS: Dude, hey, lighten up, man. Why don't you call, uh, \"not Alex.\"","CHASE: I already talked to her. She's coming over tonight.","CLINN'S HOUSE","Jamie and Quinn are going to watch movie.","QUINN: So, here's some popcorn. We'll watch a scary movie, and it'll be Lydia's first sleepover.","JAMIE: And in the morning, dad will be home. We should call your mom and say goodnight first.","VOICEMAIL: Hey, it's Haley. Leave me a message.","QUINN(at phone): Hey, hales. Jamie's just going to sleep. He just wanted to say good night.","JAMIE(at phone): Hi, mom. Thanks for letting me stay at aunt Quinn's tonight. We had so much fun that...(Yawns dramatically ] I'm gonna fall right to sleep. Love you!","QUINN(at phone): Hey, hales, um so I talked to Clay, but, uh... He hasn't heard from Nathan, so... Call me back. I'm, uh, I'm worried about you.","(She hangs up)","QUINN: The fake yawn was a bit much.","JAMIE: You think?","KAREN'S CAFE","Brooke understands Tara write the note to Julian.","BAR","Julian looks his babies' pictures. Men laugh.","MAN: What, you got a problem? Huh?","JULIAN: Yeah, I do.","(They start to fight)","TARA'S CAFE","Brooke enters in the cafe, she is upset.","BROOKE: Hi. I need to speak with the owner, please.","WAITRESS: Sorry, Tara's out for the night.","BROOKE: Could you give her a message for me?","WAITRESS: Sure.","BROOKE: Great.","(She puts the mess in the cafe)","STREET","Julian is fighting by the man of the bar.","JULIAN: Is that all you got? Ohh! Ohh! That's more like it.","NALEY'S HOUSE","Haley wants explications of Dan.","HALEY: Well? Answer the question, Dan. You said you lost everything in the fire, so why do you have this? And all that money... why do you have that? Was it not an accident? Did you start the fire yourself? Oh, my God. You did! You started the fire! I trusted you. I let you into my home. I defended you, and you lied to me, and you took advantage of me! And the doors... the doors here and at the caf\u00c3\u00a9. Was that you, too?","DAN: Haley, will you let me explain?","HALEY: What else are you lying about, Dan? Where is Nathan? What did you do to him?","DAN: What? Nathan's missing?","HALEY: Don't play games with me. You knew the second he got home that you were gonna have to leave, so you made sure that he never got home!","DAN: Haley, what are you...","HALEY: Where is my husband?! Where is Nathan?!","DAN: Haley, will you calm down?! Please, let me explain! Please, just let me explain, okay? You're right. Nathan gave me the baseball and the picture, and I sensed a thaw. At least an opportunity for one. I had to act. I tried to get close to Jamie and Lydia while Nathan was still vulnerable. But I didn't know anything about Nathan missing until just now. I promise. I was just a desperate man trying to get close to my family. Please. You understand, don't you?","HALEY: I'm sorry. I do understand. I'm out of my mind right now. Of course you didn't do anything to your son. I'm just so worried about him.","DAN: You need to relax. If Nathan didn't come home, there's a perfectly good explanation for it.","HALEY: Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I mean, he probably... he probably missed his flight.","DAN: Yeah.","HALEY: Right? I... I'm so silly. I need... I need to calm down and get some sleep.","DAN: That's a really good idea.","HALEY: Okay. Haley goes in her room, opens the faucet in the bathroom and calls.","WOMAN(at phone): 911. What's your emergency?","HALEY(at phone): I need your help. There's a murderer in my house.","(Dan is behind the door of the room)","End of the episode."],"Show Title":"One Tree Hill","Episode Number":"09x05","Episode Title":"The Killing Moon","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Open_Heart_01x05.json","Recap":["Dylan makes a revelation about her father. Elsewhere, Hud and Scarlet's relationship takes a different turn, and Wes is encouraged to reveal his feelings for Dylan."],"Transcript":["(Low hum of chatter)","London: Then you need the decaf...","Dylan: Hey!","London and Seth: (Chatter)","Hey, London, can I talk to you for a sec?","London: Oh, actually, Seth and I are grabbing coffees before our shifts start. Uh, it-it can't wait. Sorry.","Seth: I'll see you later. Well, uh... okay. Bye!","(Quick kiss, receding footsteps)","Dylan: What?","London: Don't \"what\" me. What, you?","You wanted to talk, so talk.","Dylan: Okay, um...","London: I have to get inside.","Dylan: I have to talk to you!","London: This is just like you. Ever since you were five years old, you stomp around in your moon boots...","Dylan: My moon boots?","London: Demanding my attention, and then when I give it to you, you clam up and expect me to read your mind.","Dylan: Sometimes you aren't easy to talk to, okay? Why are you pissed at me anyway? I'm not pissed. I'm just... I'm busy.","Dylan: With who? Burgundy cardigan?","(Tires screech nearby)","London: His name is Seth!","(Loud crash, tires screech)","Man: Aggghhhh! (Grimaces in pain) Help!","London: We need a gurney!","Man: My leg! It's broken!","London: Stay back, Dylan.","(Pants rip open)","London: Sir, I need to stabilize. What are you doing?","Dylan: It's gonna be okay. What's your name?","Man: Donnie... Doe.","Dylan: Well, that sounds made up.","London: Dylan, I said back off!","Dylan: I was helping!","London: No you weren't. You were in the way.","Come on, let's keep his leg immobile. Come on, get him on the gurney. Try to stay still. It'll be less painful. 'Kay, let's take him to the er.","(Unlocking clicks)","(Heartbeat pulses)","Dr. K: Since when do we treat patients outside and let volunteers help?","London: It happened so fast, Dr. K. We had to do something.","Dr. K: Fine. This man gets the best care this hospital has to offer.","He's your only patient until he's discharged. Got it? I'm at a conference this afternoon. Can I trust you'll take care of this?","London: (Sighs) Yeah.","Dylan: I'm sorry. I feel horrible.","London: I've gotten much worse lectures from Dr. K, believe me. It's fine.","Dylan: So can we talk now?","London: I gotta go, Dylan.","Dylan: Tonight then? I'll buy all the stuff we need to make the mini-pizzas and we can binge-watch season 5 of Buffy. You know, Ben is glory. Glory is Ben, right? And then we can talk.","London: I'm working.","Dylan: Tomorrow?","London: Dylan, no offense, but if I can get a free moment, I'm gonna spend it with my kinda-boyfriend.","(Low hum of chatter, Dylan sighs)","Hud: Hey! Phone not working?","I texted you last night. I got nothing. No pics, no random emojis, not even an lol.","Scarlet: Oh, well...","Hud: Oh, I see. So you were obviously on a date last night.","Scarlet: Yeah. He's a banker.","Hud: Fancy.","Scarlet: Next date is number five, and if it goes well, we're probably gonna be exclusive.","Hud: Good for you.","Scarlet: Thanks. I knew you'd be cool. You don't really care about stuff.","Hud: Sounds like me.","Scarlet: I mean, relationship stuff.","Hud: Yeah, I know. I hope you and Mr. Banker live happily ever after. You're the best, Hud.","(Low hum of chatter)","Jared: The Dawsons are stuck in the hospital for their wedding anniversary.","Wife broke her hip, husband threw his back out trying to help her.","Mikayla: You want us to keep their spirits up?","Wes: Reminisce about the good old days, which they probably won't remember, so we can... get a little creative. Hey, we don't treat seniors like second-class citizens at this hospital. What are you, wolves? Act like humans. They want help recreating their first date. Make it perfect.","Mikayla: 'Kay.","Wes: Hey! Hi!","Mrs. Dawson: Hi! I'm Wes, this is Mikayla...","Mikayla: Hi!","Wes: And we're here to help bring a little magic to your anniversary.","Mikayla: What are your plans... candlelight dinner? Some big band music? We'd like popcorn, cotton candy, and our favourite movie, Casablanca. I think we can handle that. We'll track down a copy.","Mrs. Dawson: No need.","Mikayla: Oh... (Laughs)","Wes: Whoa.","Mikayla: Is this... ? What is this?","Mrs. Dawson: Oh, it's wonderful to see young love.","Mikayla: Oh, no, we're just friends. Wes is super into another girl, but he's too chicken to say anything.","Mr. Dawson: I was mighty scared to ask Rosemary out, but sometimes you just gotta go for it!","Mrs. Dawson: It's true. You hear that, Wes? You just gotta go for it.","(Chuckles, embarrassed)","Donnie: Doc, when are these painkillers gonna kick in?","'Cause I can tell ya right now, I feel 'zactly the same.","London: They actually \"kicked in\" a while ago, Mr. Doe. And based on the x-rays, you'll need surgery to repair the break in the thigh. We'll insert a metal plate and a series of screws into the bone.","Donnie: (Giggles) Bone.","(Knock a the door)","Dylan: Hello!","Anybody in need of a tasty frozen treat?","Donnie: Love it!","Dylan: Yeah? What's your poison?","Donnie: Well... orange is my favourite.","Dylan: Coming up!","London: No frozen treats! He's about to go into surgery.","Dylan: Oh. Anything else I can do? Fluff your pillow?","London: We're in the middle of something and this guy has a serious injury. Yes, I know. Excuse me for wanting to help, and spend time a little time with my sister. What? That's what this is about? Us?! Yes. Of course this is about us. You think I care about Donnie Doe?","Donnie: (Giggles)","Can we at least have lunch together?","London: Fine. Lunch. In the meantime, just, come on, shoo!","Wes: (Sighs) Okay. Loud thump) Overhead projector, laserdisc machine... No prehistoric VCR. Sorry, Dawsons, you're outta luck.","Mikayla: You're grumpy.","Wes: Well, you called me a chicken.","Mikayla: I was joking. Hey, do you remember Greg the horrible?","He was here when I first started volunteering.","Why are you bringing up that meathead? Remember he called me all these names 'cause my hair hadn't quite grown back yet? Yeah, that guy was such a tool. I mean, after everything you'd been through...","Mikayla: We barely knew each other then, but out of the blue, you went up to Greg... all two hundred meaty pounds of him... and said, \"you can call me whatever you want, but her name is Mikayla.\" (Sighs) But even Greg never called me a chicken.","Mikayla: You're not. But you have to tell Dylan how you feel before you explode.","Wes: (Exhales) Look, the timing sucks, Mikayla, okay? And if I ask her out while she's going through all this terrible stuff, then I suck.","Mikayla: For suggesting something awesome in the middle of all her terribleness? Something that might actually make her smile?","Dylan: I interrupted something.","Mikayla: Oh, no, not at all. I have a classic movie that I need to download and Wes has something he wants to ask you.","Wes: Uh... how'd it go with your sister? Well, we're having lunch together, so that's good news. I have even more good news.","Dylan: Yeah, what's that?","Wes: Um... Mikayla and I are organizing this anniversary date for this elderly couple up in long-term.","Dylan: That's cute. Wes: It is!","We're gonna watch Casablanca.","Maybe... you could join... Me for the screening? Share a bucket of popcorn? Um... I don't know. After I talk to London about my dad, who knows what's gonna happen. It could be fun, you know. Take your mind off the sad stuff for a bit. (Sighs) It's just not a good time. Yeah, that's what I said. Okay, I'll catch you later.","Cashier: Here you go, Sir.","Hud: Thank you.","Seth: Come to my lab.","Nurse: Yeah, for sure, Seth. This is awesome.","Seth: Yeah, it's just around the corner. You can't miss it.","Nurse: Okay, no problem. We gotta have lunch.","Seth: Okay. Okay, bye. Nurse: Bye.","Hud: Hey, buddy.","Seth: Me?","Hud: Of course, you! I saw you chatting that nurse over there.","Seth: Oh, April? Yeah, we went to university together. No idea she even worked here until a few days ago.","Hud: So... you and her um... ? Me and her... ? Oh, no. Um... I'm dating London. That took, huh? That's all I needed to know. Uh, April, right?","Seth: Yeah. Uh, London said you and Dr. McWhinnie were a thing.","Hud: Not anymore.","Seth: Ah! Looking for a new girl to fill the void in your broken heart? Sure. We'll talk about it over an appletini sometime.","(Seth chuckles)","Dylan: Salad? You brought salad?","What happened to eat-all-the-fries London? It's okay, I got extra. Where do you wanna sit?","London: Uh... let's see what Seth says. Thought this was supposed to be just us. It is just us. And Seth. Do you hate me that much? It's like you go out of your way to avoid me. I'm not. Stop being dramatic. I am not being dramatic!","(Tray clanks)","Maybe you should not be here today. Maybe you're right.","(People chatter)","(Sighs)","\u266a You're happy now \u266a","(Door slams)","\u266a Is the world spinning away \u266a \u266a You need, you do... floating... \u266a","Richard: Go, Dylan! Go, go, go, go!","Nope! No, no, no! Jump! Come here, come here. (Laughing) Come here. Okay. Let me see those keys. Okay, so... Mrs. Inez gave me her extra key...","(Key and lock click)","And she said that we could use her storage locker if we needed any extra storage space.","(Whispering) Go in. Go, go.","\u266a ... trust your mind, \u266a","(Keys jingle)","\u266a you seem so small \u266a","(Key and lock click)","\u266a that was years ago \u266a Sometimes I just... I... I just come here to think, you know? Yeah. Hey, Dylan, you know you... You gotta always have a good place to hide, right? 'Cause then no one bad can ever find you. Okay?","Dylan: 'Kay.","Richard: Okay.","Eleven-year-old London: Ready or not, here I come!","Richard: Shhh! Shh-shh! It's her.","\u266a Yes, we've grown apart \u266a \u266a It seemed to me \u266a \u266a It was with you from the start \u266a \u266a Yearning to find yourself a home \u266a","\u266a Ooh... \u266a","Dylan: London?","I need you to come home so we can talk about dad.","(Sniffs) Something was really wrong with him. He was sick.","(Papers rustle)","London: Dylan?","Dylan: London!","(Papers rustle)","London: What's going on?","Dylan: (Sobs)","(Sniffles)","Remember dad had a key to this unit? He used to come down here to think and store stuff. This is his stuff? He's schizophrenic.","London: 'Kay, that's not true. I found out he was taking anti-psychotics and seeing a psychiatrist.","Think about it, London.","All those stories and games he used to make up it tracks. I-is this normal?","London: Okay, let's just... There's no way that mom would've kept this from us. Schizophrenia is hereditary. What if I have it, too? I'm paranoid and I'm obsessing, and I-I feel crazy, and I... and dad's still out there, missing, and he's confused and scared...","London: Hey, hey...","Dylan: And we-we have to find him.","London: We don't know what's going on yet, but please... don't think stuff like that about you or about dad. I'm sorry I was such a jerk to you today. I just didn't know how to talk to you about this stuff.","London: Stop it. Don't worry. 'Kay, well, I'm calling mom. She took the day off, but she wasn't upstairs.","(Phone rings)","London: Yeah, she's... she's not picking up.","Dylan: Well, should we wait?","Shouldn't you be back at the hospital watching Donnie?","London: No, Hud's covering for me, and I want the truth now. Oh, I set up her phone. We find her phone, we can find her. She's at a hotel?","London: What?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Inaudible page over the hospital pa system)","Hud: Hey! Do you like all the...","Do you like those restaurants that bring all that stuff out on those little plates?","April: Tapas? They're called tapas.","Hud: Right. You wanna go to one sometime and... Eat a bunch of little food?","April: Hmm. I'll wear my littlest dress. That is an amazing idea.","How little is this dress?","(Heels clack)","Seth: Whoa!","Scarlet: What was that?","What-what was what? You thumbs-upping Hud talking to that nurse. Is something going on there? They're-they're talking? Why is he doing this at work? It's Awkward.","Seth: You know, it's not my business, but can't he talk to whoever he wants? I mean, after all, you ditched him. He's kinda hurt.","Scarlet: He said that? Ridiculous!","Seth: Okay.","(April and Hud chat quietly)","Scarlet: What the hell, Hud? Stop telling people that I hurt you.","It's all over the hospital. I heard it from the lab guy!","I never said you hurt me.","Scarlet: Good. Because you said to my face that you were cool with ending our thing, and if you weren't, you should've said something to my face. Not behind my back to a bunch of randoms! I don't want everyone thinking I'm a bootch. So.","(Chuckles sheepishly)","April: I don't really like tapas.","Right.","Mikayla: Okay. Ready?","(Whispering) How'd it go?","Wes: Casablanca is all cued up. Gonna use this to project it onto the wall.","(Key clacks, opening music starts)","Wes: Okay.","(Whispering) I asked Dylan to watch it with me, but she's got stuff going on.","Mikayla: Watching a movie with a geriatric couple at work doesn't count as a date, Wes! You need to try again.","Wes: No way. I \"went for it\" and failed. I'm done.","Mikayla: What? You can't just give up just like that. You like her. Like crazy, insanely much!","Wes: Yeah, and if she smiles at me, or does something really sweet, I... I will just shove all my feelings down in my stomach until they form a bleeding ulcer. But I will not \"go for it\" ever again. Now, can we just zip it and watch the most romantic movie ever made, please?","Seth: Hey, buddy!","Hud: London asked me to cover broken femur guy for her. I need these run ASAP.","Seth: Right-o. Oh, so how'd it go with April? Kind of terrible.","Seth: Hey, can you not... those scopes are set to a specific resolution.","Hud: Oh, are they? Are they?","Seth: Dude, stop! What's the deal, man?","Hud: You told Scarlet I was hurt? Since when are you the hospital gossip? I got trapped. When I get trapped, I tell the truth.","Hud: Yeah, well, what the hell do you know about it?","Seth: Well, you seemed bothered that Scarlet ditched you. Di... (Huffs) What are... look, I wasn't ditched or bothered, so just stay out of it, okay?","Seth: Okay, okay. I wanna stay out of it, believe me.","But you might feel better if you stop repressing that kind of thing.","Hud: What kind of thing?","Seth: You're in love with Scarlet.","Dude! I know what love is. Scarlet and I are not it.","Seth: Oh. So who are you in love with?","Hud: Bye. Seth: (Laughs) See ya, buddy.","Hud: We are not buddies!","Seth: You came to talk to me about your problems. Twice. We're buddies.","(Birds chirp, traffic rumbles)","London: Maybe she took a spa day.","Dylan: And got a room?","Why is mom being such a weird show?","Dylan: I still can't believe you convinced the desk clerk to give us the room number. They should not give out information like that.","Dylan: You just have to act like a total spinwad, and be like, \"I am so sorry, but I totally lost my room key and my mom's going to, like, fuh-reak! Can you please help me?!\"","(Giggles, then sighs)","London: I want you to know that I don't hate you...","And I'm sorry I didn't listen to you earlier. It's okay. We're just different.","London: Yes. But you always have me. You never have to go through anything alone. We always have each other. Got it?","Jane: Girls?","What're you doing here? You can't be here.","Dylan: Why? And what's with the hotel room?","London: We came to find out if dad was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic. Okay, um... look, girls, we were managing his illness. He had medication, he had therapy, and it was working. And then it wasn't.","Jane: We tried... you have to believe me, I tried. I save people everyday, and I couldn't save my own husband, not from this. I loved him, girls, I really did. But by now, he is probably gone. For good.","(Door opens)","(London sniffles)","Dylan: What in the hell.","Dr. K: Uh...","Shouldn't you two be at the hospital?","Dylan: So you two could sneak away for a hotel tryst?!","Jane: No. You weren't supposed to find out like this. This is not a fling. We're in love.","Dylan: (Derisive chuckle) Well, congratulations!","Dr. K: O-okay, let's all sit down and talk about this rationally. If we stay calm...","London: Oh, shut up! (Hard punch)","Jane: London!","London: Aggghhhhh! Ugh!","Hud: Didn't think you had it in you to punch anyone, let alone Dr. K.","London: Whatever. He deserved it for lying about him and my mom. Did you have any idea that they were together?","Hud: I stay out of other people's business.","Seth: (Snorts) London: How's broken femur guy? You and Seth worked together?","Seth: We sure did.","London: What did I miss?","Hud: Nothing. Surgery went well, your patient's in recovery.","Seth: Does it hurt?","London: Yeah, it really does.","Seth: Awww...","(Light kiss)","(Low hum of chatter, heels clack)","(Seth and London chat quietly)","Hud: Hey.","(Sighs) I'm sorry we fought. Me too. It was stupid. Forgivesies? I would never say that word, but... yeah, sure. Let's hang out tonight. What happened to Mr. Banker and date number five?","Scarlet: He cancelled. Something about his wife... That I did not know he had. What a jerk, huh? Maybe I should just stick with my simple, uncomplicated, undemanding Hud. I'm a bit wiped, actually. Boo. Another time maybe? I don't think so, Scarlet. \u266a Helen comes over in sequins and Silver... \u266a","Dylan: Hey!","Wes: (Nervously) Hey.","Dylan: Look at this.","(Keys clack)","My dad drew this a bunch of times. It's the same graffiti. He used to tell me that you should always have a place to go when \"the bad people\" are after you. If my dad was sick and scared, he would hide.","Wes: And you think this graffiti drawing is a clue to where he's hiding?","Dylan: Maybe. What do you think? I think it's a leap, but you might be right.","Dylan: Yeah. Yeah, I am right. I know it! Oh, hey, I almost forgot.","(Wes's phone vibrates)","Wes: Did you just gift me a download of \"Fast & The Furious 6\"?","Word on the street is you love Vin Diesel.","Wes: No, no, no. Mikayla always gets that wrong, it's the rock. I love the rock. He is-he is literally the most electrifying...","(stops talking)","Uh, why though?","Dylan: I felt bad that I blew you off and missed the movie today. I was just hoping we could make it up. I'm pretty much in love with you. You... and the rock. More you. I know my timing's bad. It's terrible, actually! But I... I like you. I already said I love you, so I-I'm pretty sure you got I like you from-from that, but... look, I'm not trying to push anything, but I think you're amazing... And I just wanted to say it.","\u266a Here we go \u266a","\u266a We go... \u266a"],"Show Title":"Open Heart","Episode Number":"01x05","Episode Title":"In Plain Sight","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Pretty_Little_Liars_01x04.json","Recap":["The girls block e-mails and text messages from all unknown users in an attempt to stop \"A,\" but their problems are far from over. One girl receives a surprise visit, while another receives a surprise gift in class. Hanna meets her dad after a while and realizes that he has a fiance. Aria tries to tell her mom about her dad cheating on her before they went to Iceland, but it looks likes \"A\" beats her to it. Emily is still confused about Toby and her kiss with Maya. Spencer's Russian article (the one she copied from Melissa), gets entered in a contest and she is still confused about Wren. And just when things couldn't get any more complicated, the girls find out that trying to keep \"A\" away comes with a price. Spencer arrives home with Hanna to find that somebody has been in her house, leaving a grave on her table and a message on her mirror."],"Transcript":["[In front of Hanna's house]","Hanna's mother talks to a policeman then returns","Ashley: I never want to see another police car outside the house. I thought we had finished with it!","Hanna: His car is not completely destroyed it can repair it.","Ashley: This time I regret I can not do anything for you, you understood me?","[In a park]","Emily: Your mother was really angry that you're destroying the car of Sean.","Hanna: I have not destroyed and damaged I finally everyone reacted very well to the situation.","Emily: Oh","Hanna: There is no Oh, it is adults that's all.","Aria: So there it is the city just put the new bench and flowers will be planted and also there will be a gathering of remembrance.","Spencer: From memory?","Emily: Bah yeah messages, photos in memory of Alison","Hanna: Yeah nice tombstone.","Aria: Hanna!","Hanna: What!","Emily: we should each do something.","Hanna: You know I have the bracelet Alison since the day he was found in the woods and I do not want this responsibility.","Aria: I do not want.","Hanna: One of you should take it I'm serious.","Spencer took the bracelet.","Spencer: Look at you, a bunch of babies! Anyway there is nothing that A can do or say to embarrass us without endangering this too.","Hanna: You sure it's \"it\"?","Spencer: She or he, it makes no difference. Spencer leaves his computer.","Aria: What are you doing?","Spencer: I will block all messages from people I do not know. Chat, SMS, email the total. f*ck you see A. Voila, who's next? Emily takes the computer. Mr. Fitz goes by bike","Spencer: And here is a lovely rider whose name begins with F.","Hanna: Hello Mr. Fitz. Ezra made a hand signal.","Spencer: What form Mr. Fitz! Aria takes the computer.","Aria: Well I'll do it.","Spencer: There's some depth we preferred not to see on a bike and there are no other we love to see on a bike.","Hanna: I do not want to see Mr. Glory on a bike.","Emily: I refuse to see Mr. Glory in motion, that says it all.","Hanna: Mr. Fitz","Aria: Hanna! It's your turn. Hanna takes the computer.","Spencer: You've talked to Ben?","Emily: I have nothing to say.","Aria: So it's really finished?","Emily: It's nothing, I'm fine.","Aria: Okay u say sit.","Hanna: It deserves a drum roll is the filles.Ca this time it's finished. Now A can no longer reach us.","Spencer: You hear all these nice messages floating in areas all around us.","Aria: Yes, and none comes from A.","Emily: And that's it's a very good thing.","Hanna: Yes this is great, out of sight of the heart. A leaf flies through the wind and sometimes the feet of girls, Aria picks it up. This is a photo of Alison with red writing on it: \"Ding Dong the Bitch is Dead.\" The girls look all around them. Aria crumples the paper and they go.","[At school]","Emily: Hi","Maya: Hi. I have a gift for you. I saw AC and I thought it was the prettiest color of the planet. I was right it's beautiful.","Emily: It's ... it's very pretty. Thank you.","Maya: See you just now.","[Cafeteria]","Hanna: Why did your parents you have not taken to New York with your sister? You deserve a little break to you too right?","Spencer: Not as much as Melissa. Oh nice your scarf.","Emily: Thank you.","Hanna: It's a new one?","Emily: No!","Hanna's laptop sounds","Aria: Bah answers will go ahead! At least now there is that it can be. Emily Hanna!","Hanna: It's my father! Hanna picks.","Hanna: gosh hello! Hanna goes.","Emily: But I thought they did it was not spoken since he left the house?!","Aria: I know nothing.","Spencer: relationship with her father that this is the kind of thing we avoid too much talk.","Aria: We had just stopped to look. Aria's laptop sounds.","Aria: The Buzzed my brother just appear on my laptop.","Spencer: What did you put in your favorites?","Aria: Yes a moment of weakness. Toby and Emily face","Toby: Sorry.","Emily: It's my fault.","Aria: It may be A you just shake.","Spencer: It s'ne damn, we are not finished with A?!","Aria: Yes ... But me, I continue to avoid Toby.","Spencer: Yes, and Jenna.","Emily: Yes I think that's what is wisest.","[Hanna on the phone with his father]","Father of Hanna: I could not go back to Pennsylvania without seeing you! But if you have other things to do ...","Hanna: Oh nan dad I expected nothing tonight.","Father of Hanna: Then I go to take around 7am, it suits you?","Hanna: It's great I told Mom. Um ... Dad?","Father of Hanna: Yes?","Hanna: Does mom ...","Father of Hanna: Does mom what? dear","Hanna: Nan drops. See you tonight.","Father of Hanna: Yes to earlier.","Hanna: Goodbye.","[Classroom of M.Fitz]","Aria: Hi.","Ezra: Hi.","Aria: Uh ... I saw you walking around town the other day by bike.","Ezra: Yeah. I also saw you, I made you a sign you remember? I wanted to stop but you were not alone.","Aria: Yes indeed my friends you found it sexy.","Ezra: You, you said what?","Aria: I, I was a little embarrassed that my friends find you as sexy. It was a bit odd given the circumstances.","Ezra: What is Aria circumstances today? If you know me said me there because I'm clueless.","Aria: Me too. It's not all that reasonable.","Ezra: Nan so I can tell you ensure that it not have it.","Aria starts from","Ezra: But we need to talk. It has things that we must speak not only between classes, I'd be home tonight I might suggest one or two dishes that I know almost cooked. I wanna talk to you and not when you're at your desk or when you're hidden behind the crest of Dan Farren.","Aria: What time do I have?","Ezra: 7 hours.","Aria: 7 hours is good.","[High School Corridor]","Hanna: He must spend two weeks in New England but he made a detour to see me.","Aria: It's ... it's great Hanna!","Hanna: What?","Emily: Do you think it would come just because of Sean's car?","Hanna: No of course not, we talked about it and it is not at all because of that. And even if it did all that matters is that he comes to see me.","A professor: Spencer!","Spencer: Mr. Cheldr\u00e9?!","A teacher: I wanted to tell you but you being here is, it's remarkable that you did on the history essay.","Spencer: Oh thank you.","A teacher: A very clear presentation.","Spencer: This is not new as an idea.","A teacher: I introduced him to the orchid gold.","Spencer: You what?!","A teacher: It is only prestige but the real interest of winning this competition is the impact on university applications.","Spencer: But no ...","A teacher: We will see the details after class.","Hanna: What is the orchid gold?","Spencer: A national competition of essays on history.","Emily: It'll allow you a little more lather.","The bell rings.","Aria: Go to any hour.","[Hall of Chemistry]","Toby: Hi.","Emily: Hi. You're there for the chemistry course?","Toby: I'm starting today.","Emily: Cool.","Toby: You wore a scarf this morning!","Emily: Yes it's true I took it off.","Toby: You were pretty with.","Emily: Thank you.","Professor of Chemistry: Go there you sit. (He tells Toby place next to Emily.)","Emily: Not here please. Pity pity pity pity.","Toby: Well bah it is a partner of chemistry, it does not bother you?","Emily: No.","Emily opened her chemistry book and find the photos taken with Maya including one where they kiss at the Christmas party Kahn.","[At Aria's]","Aria: I'm here.","Ella: Oh!","Aria: A special chicken in the middle of the week!","Ella: Yes, your father loves it. I wanted to please him. Vegetable nuggets that you're going?","Aria: infact I wanted to dine at Spencer.","Ella: Oh agreed and Mike sees some friends, so I think your father is I will be home for us all alone.","Aria: Well that's great.","[Flashback]","Alison: This is not your father's car?","Aria and Alyson Meredith sees Byron kiss in his car.","Alison: We need you to tell your mother!","Aria: Say what?","Alison: Aria! You saw your father kissing your father kissing another woman that your mother finally you must tell him!","Aria: And how do you want me to tell him that?","Alison: I know. But it is imperative that you tell him. Aria's laptop sounds.","Aria: He is my father.","Alison: Unhook not!","Aria: But I must answer him.","Alison: He will try to convince you to say anything, it is imperative that she knows the truth! You must tell him Aria before she learns by someone else. Otherwise you lose them both.","[End of flashback]","Aria: Mom!","Ella: Yes?","Aria: I ... I sting you a carrot.","Ella: Yes.","[In Spencer's]","Hanna: I would love to have a sister for him intelligent sting his duties.","Spencer: I have a duty to my sister for not getting tired, I have not looked further. If I tell Cheldr\u00e9 to withdraw my application it will guess that I cheated.","Hanna Spencer what makes you think you're going to win this competition? Oh yes I forgot you have it in my blood.","Spencer: Well, try it with.","Hanna: I have found the perfect outfit, my father has not seen me since I lost weight.","Spencer: This jacket is not you.","Hanna: So it's perfect. Spencer.","Spencer: What?","Hanna: Are not you curious?","Spencer: It blocked the unknown numbers that's it. We faced up all together.","Hanna: Nan finally yes I know, I was wondering if you had cheated.","Spencer: Nah.","Hanna: Okay, me neither.","[Bar where Maya works]","Emily: Maya can I talk for a second? Look!","Emily shows him the photos taken during the evening of Noel Kahn.","Maya: Oh, great hast found. But where were they?","Emily: In my book of chemistry. It is you who have put in? Tell me if you did I would not be angry.","Maya: There's no material to be angry. I think we're very pretty.","Emily: Thou hast put into my book?","Maya: No, no. Emily did not put yourself in this state, I guess someone has to pick the party.","Emily: And the person that looked at what we are kissing it's embarrassing. Maya is going to","Emily: Maya.","Maya: I have to work back.","[At Hanna's]","The door rings.","Tom (Hanna's dad): Hanna!","Hanna: Dad!","Tom: Oh what are you're thin is almost nothing left to tighten.","Hanna: I missed you.","Tom: You too.","Hanna: I'll get my bag.","Ashley: Hi Tom.","Tom: What's up Ashley? How are you?","Ashley: It's OK.","Tom: You're in the air. So are you ready?","Hanna: Yes. Ashley takes its business.","Tom: Hmm Ashley it was probably misunderstood about this evening, infact I wanted to take the opportunity to be alone with Hannah.","Ashley: Oh, then I can not understand indeed.","Tom: No no it's my fault. It'll be eh darling just you and me?","Hanna: Well ... yes.","Ashley: Good evening. Tom returned too late.","Tom: Yes of course.","Hanna: Hi Mom.","Ashley: bye have fun.","[In the street]","Tom: This is a new car so it not bother you if I led? Hanna?","Hanna: It's about the car of Sean! Mom you're all about?","Tom: It's a bit more complicated than that.","Hanna: So let me try to s'simplifier things. If you came to me engeuler case was to go home and finish. Nan also engeule me here so the neighbors can enjoy watching!","Tom: I'm not back to you engeuler, I'm here to help you went through a difficult period. You're a good Hanna, you have always been but occasionally you're a scared too enthusiastic. Remember when you climb the trees when you were little you always had me to help you back down. We'll get by, I promise. So if you want you can go to dinner dined, if you want to go in the middle of shooting Jollyrogers you can go. It is you who selected agree?","Hanna: Yeah agree.","Tom: Princess.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Ezra's Apartment]","Aria: Do you use it?","Ezra: Like clipboard. But it helps me remember that there was literature before the laptops. What do you think?","Aria: It's pretty. I love thank you for asking me.","Ezra: It's normal. How are things with you?","Aria: Oh okay, my mother and my father dined alone together tonight.","Ezra: Maybe they will fix things.","Aria: I think all head to heads of the world will not help, she will be devastated when she learns the truth.","Ezra: Aria, It has happened to you to think that your mother knew perhaps more than what you thought?","Aria: No she knows nothing and that's the worst finally it's almost the worst.","Ezra: But maybe your parents have come to some sort of agreement that you are not aware of?","Aria: No that is not possible. What is an agreement for you?","Ezra: Ok uh when I was 12 my parents separated my brother and I were not understood, I learned later that they had had affairs, they were pardoned their infidelities but it is another thing that killed their marriage.","Aria: But then it comes to your family, not mine. What are you trying to tell me?","Ezra: I just wanna say that this is not because your father was involved in these stories that it is up to you to solve their problems.","Aria: But that's not what I'm trying to do, I just try to live with that.","Ezra: But it is for them to live it. You do not realize that your parents have to sort it out between themselves adults.","Aria: Among adults?","Ezra: Yes","Aria: So I'm not mature enough to handle the situation?","Ezra: No, I did not say that.","Aria: I think that's exactly what you said. You say I'm a girl and that I should mind my own business.","Ezra: No, I assure you I did not say that.","Aria: If you think I am a child so why you invited me here?","Ezra: I had invited you here because I do not consider you as a child, this is also why we must understand what is happening between us.","Aria: Okay so let my parents out of it.","Ezra: It's you who came to tell me about your father you remember?","Aria: infact I think I made a mistake in coming here.","Ezra: I think not.","Aria: But I am sure. In any case it is certainly not an adult would have done it.","[Classroom]","Hanna: It was, it was great. Incredible I swear.","Emily: And it took you where?","Hanna: In Jollyrogers.","Aria: That sucks this amusement park.","Hanna: Nah it is not zero at this point and anyway it does not go on the Ferris wheel. We walked, we talked. I told him what was happening. Not worry I'm not all about him, he just listened. You go to account-he wants to make a real dinner is tonight, he has things to tell me, I do not know I think he wants to spend more time with me. It may take me on vacation in Maryland.","Emily: Are you serious?","Aria: You want to go?","Hanna: I do not emm\u00e9nagerai there at least not for every day. I want to leave Mom alone but I'd like to see my father more.","Spencer: Wouha","Aria: I'm happy for you.","The bell rings.","Ezra: I was wondering if at the end of the novel some of you do feel troubled by the hypocrisy of Adicus. I mean there Mr. procedure when it comes to Tom Robinson and then when he is stabbed Youwell Bob is ready to accept the decision of the sheriff.","Spencer: It tries to protect Bouradl\u00e9.","Ezra: The protection of what? The legal system? Adicus is an officer of the court and conspiring to cover a horrible crime and he is more willing to accept that his son paid for the act committed by Bouradl\u00e9.","Aria: It is a market.","Ezra: What market?","Aria: Mr. Youwell would have killed her children and Brou saved them. Adicus always felt guilty vis-\u00e0-vis Tom Robinson when he offered to save James Brou. It's like a sacrifice","Ezra: Very noble. Too bad James was unconscious. You think he would have a different opinion?","Aria: No he would agree.","Ezra: You are on this?","Aria: He was well educated.","Ezra: I will take Mr. Sperlling, you want to add something? With all your cool.","M. Sperlling (pupil): Well, James's father was a lawyer, he might have succeeded to get his son away. Being well educated has nothing to see in all this.","Ezra: Yeah? The book teaches us what we do as an adult in time did you pay any attention?","M.Sperlling: Nah I just want to say ...","Ezra: Nan nan nan what you're saying is that Aria has tried to understand this book and not you.","M.Sperlling: Nah I did not say it M.Fitz.","Ezra: So what did you mean?","M.Sperlling: Well I'm sure qu'Adicus have managed to get his son away more easily than Brou that's all.","[High School Corridor]","Emily packs his things in his locker and see school children laughing on one side and the other Toby opened his locker where does a lot of foam.","[Restaurant]","Tom: Thank you. This is a great honor to go out with you two nights in a row. You think Sean will be jealous?","Hanna: I have not spoken to him since the memorable evening.","Tom: Last night I hoped you would like to mention what happened between you two.","Hanna: I was enjoying myself too much for that.","Tom: I feel that all this has nothing to do with him and I think something else is happening.","Hanna: it is something else going on?","Tom: How do you feel about what happened to Alison?","Hanna: I know but it's true that sometimes I really want to get away, to go away from here.","Tom: In a place where you would empty your head, in a place where you would see things differently.","Hanna: Yes that is exactly what I mean.","Tom Hanna, there are two other things that should be discussed.","Hanna: Oh yeah and what is it?","Tom: Oh, here they are.","Isabelle: Good evening.","Tom: Good evening.","Kate: Hi Tom. Tom Hanna Isabella I present my bride.","Hanna: Your betrothed?!","Isabelle: I'm so happy you met Hanna.","Tom: And here's the daughter of Isabella Kate, let me introduce Kate Hanna.","Kate: Hanna.","Tom: I thought it was time to make introductions.","[In Spencer's]","Sound of a door.","Spencer: There's someone?","Wren: Uh oh.","Spencer: Who's there?","Wren: I can not believe it, where are you? Oh, I took it for you in the garden. Spencer Wren, tell me what are you doing here?","Wren: I came to fix the situation.","Spencer: You're drunk!","Wren: I could not come without a little lift, especially at the castle of Hastings. Spencer Wren I thought you were a murderer, you're sick!","Wren: I tried but you had called my number blocked.","Spencer: No, no I did not have your number blocked. I ... Do you came through the back door.","Wren: I had some trouble locating the main entrance. Spencer Wren! Get out! Immediately!","Wren: I have thought only of you since you came to see me, I was a coward but it is finished tonight I intend to endorse any my responsibility. Call your father.","Spencer: I call someone my parents are in New York with Melissa.","Wren: I'll leave. Flower pot falls to the ground","Spencer: Great.","Wren: Hi.","Spencer: Yeah great.","Wren: Your face, your lovely face.","Spencer: Do you want a good cup of coffee?","Wren: I drank a lot of tape I had better not mix.","Spencer: Come here.","Wren: I am pleased to be here.","Spencer: You're crazy! You made me this one is scary!","Wren: I'm sorry.","[Ezra's Apartment]","Aria hits","Aria: That sucks I've never been so uncomfortable in my life. First you filled my immature side and then you have this kind of reaction in class, you make them believe I'm your little protected, I bet everyone felt that something was odd. But no no but what's that? You played what? You wanted to teach me a lesson or something, because it's stupid and I have no need. And you know nothing at all about my parents then avoids assuming they have some sort of arrangement or agreement or I do not know anything because you do not know them and you do not know me either . Is that clear?","Ezra: It's true you're right.","Aria: Oh you think?","Ezra: Yes I know nothing about you.","[In Spencer's]","Wren: I'm sorry for all this mess","Spencer: I nettoierais later.","Wren: No I do not speak of geranium.","Spencer: Why have you said you had to drink to talk to my dad?","Wren: For a lot of complex psychological reason but because he has that terrorized me to death.","Spencer: It is not so bad once we know","Wren: Things will return to normal at last account.","Spencer: Yes what passes for normal here anyway.","Wren: I thought you wanted nothing changes?","Spencer: I think so. I really know I've never known anything else. I did not want to hurt Melissa.","Wren: Yeah.","Spencer: It's like South Korea and North Korea between us but that's my sister, that's what counts.","Wren: Well I think I'm fairly imposed.","Spencer: You're not driving in this state.","Wren: I will not go to Philadelphia. I have a room to Edwougd Motorcorte.","Spencer: You will go nowhere, you're giving me a key. Go on.","[The restaurant]","Kate: I turned around and Jeff was behind me, at that time he was so focused on the fact of beating me he forgot to raise the rudder when we approached the beach, he was stuck on the I have high foreheads and has slipped down to the beach and make my bow.","Isabelle: Hanna of sailing you do?","Hanna: No.","Isabella: Oh you should. Kate would give you lessons, this is an excellent teacher.","Kate: Especially with beginners.","Isabelle: It might be fun for both of you, go out by boat.","Hanna: To see which one will return alive","Kate: This is a joke?","Hanna: Of course it's a joke. And that's a fork.","Tom: Oh, I wanted to tell Hanna, I had a conversation with the father of Sean and everything should work out.","Hanna: You've spoken with his father?","Tom: Hmm hmm. He gave me an estimate of the damage you caused to his car and we agreed to fix the problem without the insurance companies. So I will make him a check and you're working for the amount of compensation, assisting the mother of Sean.","Hanna: His mother is a dentist.","Tom: But you do not soigneras teeth, you will do some cleaning and some secretariat, you will answer the phone. After school and on weekends.","Kate: it can be interesting.","Hanna: Yeah I'm fascinated by dentistry, do not you? I love the plates of tartar, cavities, veneers, pills ...","Hanna's laptop sounds","Hanna: Sorry.","[In the street]","Toby: How are you?","Emily: It's going to thank you. Finally we both can go when you leave the garbage.","Toby: You know I am well aware that you're not overjoyed to have me as a partner in the lab.","Emily: No, that's it bother me","Toby: Really? You would not trade if you had the choice? Yeah I understand, it is necessary that you make people pay attention to you regularly. I know many people think I'm crazy, anyway I can do anything about it.","Emily: Yeah you have to have sacrament tired of idiots who come fill you your locker with shaving cream, which come laugh at you, tell tall tales about what you are.","Toby: Yes it's tough stuff like that piss me off and I do not disagree but I can not help it. As you said this is stupid.","Emily: Sorry","Toby: You've noticed is how we do not stop to say you're sorry every second.","Emily: Sorry.","Toby: What I was saying.","Emily: The other day in chemistry, there was something in my book, there were the pictures you have seen? Before I close my book, you've had time to see them?","Toby: I got the impression that you want anyone to see them, I can understand that.","Emily: Really?","Toby: You swim forever?","Emily: Yes, always.","Toby: And you swim because the public is watching you or because this is what you love?","Emily: Well ... I swim because I love what I feel when I did.","Toby: So just forget all these idiots, they will never see what they want even if you wanted any change in you, all those that you are not their suffirai. They do not care that you change it you spineless disparaisses. I tried I hated.","Emily: And now you're back","Toby: Yeah that's it.","Emily: See you tomorrow.","Toby: See you tomorrow.","[In Ezra's]","Ezra: You're lucky! My kitchen is always better reheated. I make very good rest. Nah not laugh, laugh nan nan after you will not expel pasta through the nose and must be pliers to pull them out. I'm sorry for what is being spent. I wanted you to be gone from my house, I was stupid, I should not have. Sperlling to pick on like that ... I'm not proud of my reaction.","Aria: But you were right about me. I like fixing things and in my family it is I who organizes and negotiates, I do everything to make connections and that is welded.","Ezra: What are you afraid at the bottom?","Aria: To see things change. But that does not help what I do, I think that that fixed the situation.","Ezra: It is human nature to cling to what we already possess.","Aria: I feel like my Aunt Ruth. She has stuffed his dead cat and when you come home there Mugsi on the piano and he is there and she speaks, there is no huge difference between u and Mugsis living Mugsi stuffed after all it is a cat. Aunt Ruth is very happy like that and leave us all goose bumps. I could fix anything and if ever ca can arrange it to my parents to manage. All I can do is tell the truth. I must go. You want me to help you store?","Ezra: Well ... you could stay?","Aria: No. I must speak to my mother.","Ezra: You are about to want to do this?","Aria: Yes I am.","[In front of the motel]","Wren: How are you going back?","Spencer: Do not worry about me.","Wren: I meant I would have liked to meet you before. They kiss. Back with me.","Spencer: I've done very stupid things lately and my quota is exceeded.","Wren: Goodnight Spencer.","Spencer: Goodbye Wren.","[Hanna's Car]","A dedication to a song on the radio Hanna. \"I do not need you anymore\"","Spencer: So no matter what you believe, it's not what you think. Hanna?","Hanna: It was a matter stronger than us.","[In the street]","Emily: Good evening.","Maya: I do not know what I must do, or kiss you Serer hand. There's certainly plenty of video surveillance camera. Sorry.","Emily: Do not be. It's true you have all right to be angry against me","Maya: I'm not sorry.","Emily: I was wrong of me to take you to the photos","Maya: Do you want me for photos or for the kiss?","Emily: I loved that kiss, I know not what it means.","Maya: You spend a little too long to ask you what things mean: a snapshot, a kiss, a scarf.","Emily: There is so much jostling in my head. I just wanna know how to react.","Maya: What you need now?","Emily: Now, a little space not only with you but with my mother, with all the world.","Maya: I'll leave all the space you want. Okay?","Emily: Thank you.","Maya: Good night.","Maya: I treasure you, then I would wait. Nan said nothing that is not worth it I just wanted you to know","[At Aria']","Aria: Mom! I must speak to you this is important, there is something you should know. Mom?","Ella handed him a sheet, written on behalf of A revealing the binding of Byron.","[In Spencer's]","Hanna: Well what do we do for A, it's true he or she never knows he or she stopped and called radio stations to make signings, what do we do then?","Spencer: I have no idea.","Hanna: But you're the one who wanted to block our messages.","Spencer: And everyone followed you remember?","Hanna: Yeah, we stay together great. Spencer!","Spencer: Someone came here! The bracelet Alison.","Emily and Aria receive a S.O.S Spencer.","[Spencer's House]","You can see the mirror Spencer, writing \"It will not be that easy bitches-A. \"In lipstick.","Hanna: It's red jungle","Emily: The color of Alison."],"Show Title":"Pretty Little Liars","Episode Number":"01x04","Episode Title":"Can You Hear Me Now?","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Queer_As_Folk_01x07.json","Recap":["Debbie meets Dr. David; Michael and Dr. David spend a weekend in the country; Justin's father learns the truth and decides to send Justin away to school; Brian's emotional hold on Michael and dislike for Dr. David intensifies."],"Transcript":["(Scene opens with Justin and Daphne entering a piercing salon. A guy with tattoos all over him and piercings everywhere walks by them)","Daphne: Did you see that?","Justin: Kind of hard to miss.","Daphne: It's so gross.","(they look along the walls at the different things)","Justin: I think it's cool.","Daphne: I can't believe you're actually doing this...for him.","Justin: It's not for him.","Daphne: I mean, just because he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you have to--","Justin: He's not my boyfriend. I don't do boyfriends. Besides, half the kids in the school have their noses or their ears pierced. Ericka Jacobson even has her belly button pierced.","Daphne: Ericka Jacobson is a whore. A-a-and it's dangerous. This girl in Texas, her boyfriend went to kiss her. His braces got caught in her tongue ring. Ripped it clear out of her mouth.","Justin: (laughs and wipes his nose) Stuff like that always happens in Texas.","Daphne: What about that guy with the stud in his nostril? Gangrene set in. He had to have his entire nose amputated.","Justin: Urban legend.","Woman: Who's next?","(Justin looks at her. Cut to Justin sitting in the chair, the woman putting latex gloves on)","Woman: Take off your shirt, honey. (he unzips his shirt) So, which one do you want, right or left?","Justin: I don't know.","Woman: You know, most guys like right. (she grabs some disinfecting stuff and rubs it on his right nipple) Okay. (She puts him under the light)","Daphne: Excuse me, is-is this going to hurt?","Woman: (holding up the needle) Of course. (Justin smiles, nervously) Okay, you ready?","(He nods. She grabs his nipple with these clampy things and pushes the needle through)","Justin: Ow! (he starts chuckling and looks down at it, mouth wide open. He smiles and looks at Daphne)","(Liberty Diner. David and Michael are sitting in a booth, eating. A guy walks by and stares at them)","David: Notice how practically every guy in here's been cruisin' us?","Michael: I should have warned you that the clientele doesn't exactly come here for the five star cuisine.","(The scene pauses as Michael talks)","Michael: (voice-over) Everybody's always wishing they had a boyfriend. We all picture how he'd look, how he'd sound, how nice it would be to have someone to share your life, your dreams, your dental floss.","(The scene unpauses)","David: A little disconcerting when you're trying to eat.","(Scene pauses)","Michael: (v-o) So how come so few of us have one? That's because we're lying. (scene unpauses) Most of us couldn't committ to a houseplant, how are we suppose to committ to having a boyfriend.","Michael: (to David) You should see what it's like when Brian comes here. (David makes a face) I'm so sorry. I promised I would not mention his name for ten minutes.","David: I'd settle for five. (Michael smiles) And you've got to stop smiling like that.","Michael: Like what?","David: Like that. It makes me want to come across the table and eat you like a dessert.","Michael: Would you like some whipped cream with that, sir?","(David laughs. As they're about to kiss, Debbie walks up)","Deb: Stay away from that onion, honey. Especially if you two are planning on goin' at it all night.","Michael: Ma, what are you doing here?","Deb: Tryin' to pay my bills. You got a problem with that?","(David points to her. Michael gets up and gives her a kiss)","David: This-this is-this is your, uh...","Michael: Mother.","Deb: (shakes David's hand) I'm Debbie. And you're...goddamn gorgeous is what you are.","Michael: Ma, this is David. I thought tonight was your night off.","Deb: I, uh, Lorraine got food poisoning. I think it was the shish kebab.(points down at what David's eating as he's about to take a bite. She laughs as he puts the fork down) I'm just kidding!","(Michael play laughs with her and makes a cutting motion with his hand. Debbie does the same and shuts up)","Deb: Okay. Gotta get crankin'. Got a lot of hungry boys to feed. (Michael takes a drink as Debbie lifts up a tray full of food) Jesus, my back is killin' me.","David: Hey. (gets up behind her) If you lift...from your knees...takes the pressure off your back. You feel that?","Deb: Yeah, I'll remember that. You're an angel.","David: No, I'm a chiropractor.","Deb: You're a doctor?","David: Yeah.","Deb: (she puts the tray back down. to Michael:) You're dating a doctor? How long were you planning on hiding him from me?","Michael: As long as I could.","Deb: (to David) You're coming for dinner, tomorrow night.","Michael: He can't.","David: I can't?","Michael: You got plans. (to Deb) He's got plans. He's very busy.","David: Debbie, I'd love to.","Deb: Good for you. I'll see you there, seven-thirty.","David: Okay.","(She walks off as David starts laughing. Michael giving him a look)","(Justin's house. His mother and father are talking about him. Jennifer's sitting down while Craig is standing)","Jen: Craig? Aren't you going to say anything?","(pause)","Craig: Justin's not gay. Those nude drawings you found, they're probably just an assignment for art class. And the underwear, I'm sure he just bought it for himself.","Jen: It's not his size.","Craig: (scoffs) Still, that's no reason to suspect that he's--","Jen: He told me himself.","Craig: So what. That doesn't mean anything. A lot of kids think that. They're confused. They're scared.","Jen: He's not confused. He's not scared. He knows.","(Craig sits down)","Jen: The same way we've always known.","Craig: No. No, I have not always known.","Jen: At least suspected.","Craig: No, you suspected. He's not gay. He's---","Jen: What, sensitive? Different? Artistic?","Craig: He's his own person. You know, not every kid is the quarterback on the football team.","Jen: I think you better talk to him.","Craig: (chuckles) And say what? \"Y-you're mother thinks you're a homosexual\"?","Jen: Before he gets himself into trouble. Before he exposes himself to God-know's-what. If he hasn't already.","Craig: Wait. You're saying he's doing things?","Jen: He's...seventeen. How naive can you be?","Craig: So why didn't you tell me?","Jen: I promised him I wouldn't.","Craig: Oh, that's terrific. (he gets up and starts walking off) Don't I have a right to know what's going on around here? (shouting) Hey, Justin!","Jen: He's not here. He says he's going to Daphne's, but I know he's not.","Craig: So, where is he?","Jen: The other night I found him in a gay bar.","Craig: I don't f*cking believe this, Jen! You let him go to these places?!","Jen: I had no idea.","Craig: Well, I'm putting a stop to this right now.","Jen: Uh, there's more. Well, he's seeing someone.","(pause)","Craig: So, who is this kid? I'll call his parents.","Jen: He's not a kid, he's a man. (pause) His name is Brian Kinney.","(silence)","(Woody's. Brian and Michael are playing pool as Ted and Emmett watch)","Emmett: I say, if it walks like a boyfriend...","Ted: Talks like a boyfriend...","Emmett and Ted: Then it must be a boyfriend.","Brian: Would you two please shut the f*ck up. I think it's great that Mikey's got a steady.","Michael: He's not a steady. We went out twice.","Ted: Around here, that's a long term relationship.","Emmett: Next thing you know, you'll be exchanging rings.","Ted: Mmm. And then they'll be one of those committment ceremonies where, like, all two hundred of the guests have slept with one, if not both, of the happy couple.","Emmett: (laughs) Just, um, promise me you won't wear matching white suits.","Michael: There is no way that is ever going to happen.","Emmett: Well, then, I suggest you watch out for the warning signs.","(Emmett comes up beside Michael and puts his arm around him)","Michael: What warning signs?","Ted: Like when he brings you flowers.","Emmett: Or, uh, or invites you away for a romantic weekend in the country.","Ted: Not that you'll see much besides the bedroom ceiling.","Brian: Your shot, Mikey.","Emmett: Oh! Or the most tell-tell sign of all...when he meets your mother and, uh, she invites him over for dinner.","(Michael hits the ball off the table when he hears that one--just as Justin walks up, catching it)","Brian: Something the matter?","Michael: I lost my grip.","Justin: Guess what I got today.","Brian: A new bell for your bicycle?","Justin: A nipple ring.","(He pulls his shirt up to show it to him)","Brian: Every piece of trash has something stuck through their ear or their nose or their belly button. Or their cock. What makes you think I'm even remotely interested that you have a ring through your tit.","Michael: It's late. I got work.","Brian: Don't forget about this Friday.","Justin: What's this Friday?","Brian: You're too young to know.","Justin: Tell me.","Ted: Just some heathen ritual called \"Studs N Suds.\"","Justin: \"Studs N Suds?\" What's that?","Emmett: Well. (clears throat) First they flood the dance floor at Babylon with soap suds.","Ted: Then everyone strips down to their undies.","Emmett: Or less. And dances. Cheek to cheek. (he bumps Ted's hip with his)","Justin: That sounds awesome.","Ted: It's disgusting.","Emmett: See you there?","Ted: Can't wait.","Emmett: Mmm.","(Michael starts to leave)","Brian: You better be there, too.","Michael: Don't worry. (he leaves)","Emmett: Guess who's head over heels?","Ted: You mean heels over head.","(They leave)","Justin: Does Michael have a boyfriend?","Brian: That's none of your business.","Justin: I just wanna know.","Brian: (grabbing Justin's nipple) Well, don't stick your tit in where it doesn't belong.","Justin: Ow.","(Justin's room. Craig cautiously walks in and starts looking at the pictures on Justin's walls, etc.)","(Cut to Brian and Justin f*cking in Brian's loft)","(Justin's room. Craig flips through a magazine and Justin's sketchbook)","(Cut to Brian and Justin f*cking again)","(Craig's still looking through the sketchbook)","(More f*cking)","(Craig finally finds the nude pictures Justin drew)","(Even more f*cking)","(Craig finds a photograph of Brian and Justin, Brian's arms around him and tugging on his ear with his teeth)","(Brian and Justin f*cking)","(Craig sits on the bed, holding the picture)","(Cut to Brian and Justin and then back to Craig, just sitting there.)","(Michael and Emmett's place. Michael's in the bathroom, getting ready, as Emmett watches. There's knocking at the door)","Emmett: Ooh-ooh! That must be Prince Charming. (he opens the door to find Brian) Make that the wicked witch.","(Brian walks in)","Michael: What are you doing here?","Brian: I'm hungry. Let's go get something to eat.","Michael: I'm goin' to my mom's, remember?","Brian: Oh, right, din-din with Doc. I forgot.(he sits down at the table)","Michael: He's going to be here any minute so you better go.","Brian: (opens a box) What's this?","Michael: Chocolate eclairs from the Big Q Bakery. I bought them for dess--","(Brian downs one in one bite)","Emmett: Wow, it takes years of practice to develop technique like that.","Michael: (grabs the box) Look, I know you don't like him, but--","Brian: Who said I don't like him? And why do you give a f*ck what I think?","Emmett: I've been saying that for years.","Brian: What matters is what you think. If you like him, that's all that's important. Even though he is (looks at Emmett) quite a bit older than you. Who lives in a world you know nothing about.","Emmett: Shut up.","Michael: Are you saying he's too good for me?","Brian: Nobody's too good for you, Mikey. You're better than anyone.","(he goes over to him)","Michael: Because he happens to think I'm hot. You know, some people do.","Brian: Haven't I always told you that?","(He kisses Michael on the mouth as someone knocks on the door)","Emmett: I'll get it.","(Emmett starts walking over to the door as Brian rushes past him. It's David)","Brian: Dave, buddy. We were just talking about you.","(David enters with flowers in his arms)","David: Really. Hi, Emmett.","Emmett: Hi.","Michael: Hi. (they kiss. He notices the flowers) These are great. My mom'll love these.","David: (laughs) Her's are in the car. Those are for you.","Emmett: (in Michael's ear) The second sign: flowers. (louder) I'll just put these in some water.","(Emmett goes into the kitchen as David looks a little confused)","David: Everything all right?","Brian: He's allergic to boyfriends bringing bouquets.","(David looks over at him, sharply)","David: Well, we better go. (clears throat and opens the door) Don't wanna be late.","Brian: (grabs the box of dessert) Don't forget this. (gives it to Michael) Have fun, you two.","(They leave as Brian sits back down at the table)","(Justin's house. Craig, Jennifer and Justin are all talking)","Justin: (to Jen) You said you wouldn't tell! You promised!","Jen: Justin, I had no choice. I had to tell Daddy.","Justin: You lied to me. You said you wouldn't.","Jen: It was for your own good. W-when I saw you with this Brian--","Justin: You keep calling him \"this Brian.\" Like that's his name. It's just Brian.","(pause)","Jen: When I saw you with Brian...his arms around you, kissing you. I couldn't believe it! Not for the reason you think. It's not right for a man his age to be touching you...to be having s*x with you. And...even though you may think you...love him...I'm sure he doesn't love you.","Justin: That's not true.","Craig: He's an adult. It's illegal for an adult to have s*x with a minor.","Jen: Honey, it's not your fault. We don't blame you. We understand this man en-enticed you.","Justin: He didn't entice me. I wanted him.","Craig: Justin...god! You-you're too young to know what you want.","Jen: Craig, please. You promised you'd stay calm.","Craig: I-I am calm. And what about AIDS?","Justin: He wore a condom. I put it on him myself. (smiles slightly to himself)","Craig: Oh, god! I'm calling the police.","Jen: You're not calling anybody. That's all we need is for everybody to know.","Craig: What, you want this monster, this...child molester, to go free?","Justin: He didn't molest me and I'm not a child!","(pause...Justin looks at his mom)","Justin: I love him. More than anything else in my life. It's all I want...is to be with him.","Craig: I...don't ever wanna hear you say that again. And you are not to see him.","Justin: I'm going to see him. I don't care what you say.","(he starts to leave)","Craig: I don't think so. (he starts to follow him) No you're not, Justin. (shouts) Hey, Justin!","(Jennifer stands there and watches as they walk off)","(Deb's house. Debbie, Vic, Michael and David all sit at the kitchen table, eating spaghetti)","Deb: Have some more Carbonara, David.","David: I'm stuffed, thanks.","Deb: Oh, come on, with that body you can afford a carbo-load.","Vic: Yeah, you must work out all the time.","David: Well, when I can.","Deb: Feel those biceps. (she does) I could never resist a hard body. (chuckles) Like mother, like son.","Vic: Like uncle.","Michael: Like, will you two please leave him alone. Next you'll be asking what kind of car he drives and how much he makes.","(David laughs as Debbie and Vic look at him, expecting an answer)","David: I drive a Jag, and I'm comfortable.","(there's a pause as Deb looks pleased)","Vic: Michael, if you don't marry this man immediately, I will.","David: (changing the subject) I think I will have a little more.","(Both Michael and David get more pasta)","Michael: Me, too.","Deb: (chuckles) It's like Lady and the Tramp .","David: Lady and the Tramp?","Deb: It's Michael's favorite movie.","Michael: When I was nine.","Deb: (chuckles) See, Lady and Tramp go on this date to an Italian restaurant. And then the waiter--","Vic: Tony.","Deb: What else would his name be? (her and Vic laugh) Brings over this big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs. And, um, and they","put their head in the bowl. They're dogs. (David laughs and gives Michael a look) And they come up with this one single strand of spaghetti. And then they chew and they chew and...","Vic: They get closer and closer...","Deb: Until finally their lips meet.","Michael: It is, in my estimation, the greatest screen kiss ever.","David: Yeah, I-I remember it. Like this.","(David puts his napkin on like a bib and grabs a strand of spaghetti. He gives one end to Michael and puts the other end in his mouth. They eat the strand and meet in the middle and kiss)","Deb: That's even better than the movie.","(They sit there, looking at each other lustfully. Vic hits Debbie, signaling them to leave them alone. They get up)","Michael: You wanna see my old room?","David: I'd love to see your old room.","(Michael takes a sip of wine and they bolt upstairs)","(While in Michael's room, they're making out)","Michael: Be gentle.","(David laughs as they get on the bed, making out some more)","David: I've been waiting all week to do this.","Michael: Mmm. Me too.","David: Just hasn't been any time.","Michael: I know. It's hard...(David laughs) finding time.","(David laughs harder)","David: I got a solution.","Michael: Uh-huh.","David: I got a solution. How'd you like to go away with me for the weekend?","(silence)","Michael: Huh?","David: I got a cabin up in the woods.","Michael: Will I get to see anything besides the bedroom ceiling?","David: (laughs) Word of honor. What do you say?","(They're lying there, about to kiss, when they hear Debbie yelling from downstairs)","Deb: Say \"yes,\" you little asshole, or I'll disown you!","(David starts laughing)","Michael: Like I said, it's a very small house. (David laughs some more as they kiss)","(Brian's loft. He's on the computer, in a chat room, giving someone his number. Seconds later, the phone rings)","Brian: (on phone) Six Fuller, corner of Tremont. It should take you...ten minutes. One for every inch.","(He hangs up as there is knocking on the door. He answers it and finds Michael)","Brian: You got laid.","Michael: (smiles) I did not. (he walks in the loft)","Brian: Yes, you did. I can always tell. I thought you and Dave were having dinner at Deb's.","Michael: Dinner's over.","Brian: What, did she scare him off?","Michael: Actually, she and Vic were on their best behavior.","Brian: That's even scarier. Listen, you can't stay. I've got someone coming over in approximately seven and a half inches, so... (they get up and start walking to the door) I'll see you tomorrow. At \"Studs N Suds.\"","Michael: I can't go. That's what I came over here to tell you. (pause) David invited me away with him for the weekend. He has a cabin.","Brian: Well, what do you know. Just like the boys said: Flowers, dinner at mom's, and now an invitation to the country.","Michael: You're mad.","Brian: Why would I be mad? I mean, who wants to be on a crowded dance floor surrounded by naked men covered in soap suds when you could be breathing all that fresh, country air? (the phone rings) Just don't forget to take your inhaler in case your asthma attacks. Must have gotten lost. (on phone) I told you, six Fuller, corner of Tremont. Now get your ass over here. I've got this new dildo...nine inches long, seven inches round. I'm gonna open up your hole with it and I'm gonna f*ck you so hard your eyes roll back in your head.","(we see Craig on the other line, not saying anything, just listening. He hangs up and it goes back to Brian, who also hangs up)","Michael: You ever considered a career in phone sales?","Brian: Get out of here. (he ushers him outside and closes the door. The phone rings again. He answers it) Now what? (pause) Didn't you just call? Wait, that wasn't you?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Cut to Craig, standing alone in the center of his house)","(Michael and Emmet's place. Michael's on the phone, calling in sick, while Ted eats a banana and Emmet's trying to help Michael pack)","Michael: (on phone) It's my neck again. I can barely move it.","(Emmett walks in with two shirts)","Emmett: Do you want the periwinkle or the apricot?","Michael: (covers phone) Shh!","Emmett: (in a whisper) I think the apricot goes better with your eyes.","Michael: (he makes a face and starts talking on the phone again) Uh, yeah, I-I think it'll be better in a couple days. Uh. Oh, don't worry. I definitely plan on seeing my chiropractor. (Emmett laughs) Thanks. Thanks. Bye. (he hangs up)","Ted: You know what grows when you lie.","Emmett: Too bad it's your nose.","Michael: I'm entitled to a couple of personal days.","Ted: Michael, you're entitled to a personal life. (throws banana peel away)","Emmett: All right, have we got everything?","Michael: Uh, five pairs of jeans, seven shirts, four sweaters and ten tees.","Ted: How long you goin' for?","Michael: The weekend.","Ted: All right.(he goes over to Michael and starts going through his suitcase) One change of undies. A pack of condoms. Tube","of lube. There, you're all set.","(Emmett and Michael laugh)","Michael: Remember when my mom took me to Atlantic City, and I got sick on all that salt water taffy?","Emmett: (to Ted) Listen to him. He's got cold feet already.","Michael: I'm not getting cold feet. I just...don't know what you do for a whole weekend.","Emmett: Well, let's see. First you arrive...","Ted: Then you f*ck.","Emmett: Then you unpack...","Ted: Then you f*ck.","Emmett: Then you go berry picking.","Ted: Then you f*ck.","Michael: I mean after you f*ck.","Emmett: You talk. You get to know each other.","Michael: What if I run out of things to say? What if I say some stupid remark and he says, \"W-why am I up here with this jerk?\" Or what if--","Emmett: Hey, hey! Would ya please stop worryin'.","(pause)","Michael: I just want him to like me.","(another pause)","Ted: He already does. He more than likes you.","(silence)","Emmett: So you go. And you have a fabulous time. And bring us back some berries.","(Emmett puts his arm around Ted. Michael starts laughing as Emmett starts grabbin' Ted)","Ted: That's...not my berries.","(Casa de Lesbos [\u2122 Scott Lowell]. Brian is writing a check to Lindsay--for Gus)","Brian: How much?","Lindsay: Two thousand. Who knew it would be so expensive having a kid?","Brian: Obviously we didn't.","Lindsay: Can I tell you that I love you to death?","Brian: Hmm. You and Melanie really are after my life insurance.","Lindsay: And that you are exceedingly generous.","(She reaches over to give him a kiss on the cheek as he gives her the check)","Brian: Oh, you know, I barely have enough left for \"Studs N Suds.\"","Lindsay: Oh, is that this weekend? You going with Michael?","Brian: (he gets up) Michael went to the country with the proctologist.","Lindsay: Chiropractor.","Brian: Whatever.","Lindsay: (getting up) Oh, sounds romantic. (Brian's putting his jacket on as Lindsay walks up to him) Peaceful walks, cozy fires.","Brian: Stepping in bear sh1t, being stung by mosquitoes. (chuckles) I guarantee you after two days, he'll wish he was back here with me at Babylon.","Lindsay: I wouldn't be so sure. He might actually like a change of scene. Not to mention someone who actually wants to be with him.","Brian: You know, I told him, \"I'm glad you're going out with Dave.\" He can't spend the rest of his life tricking and going to clubs. It's time he settle down...and grew up.","Lindsay: (laughing) You are so full of sh1t. You can't imagine why two people would want to be together, can you?","Brian: The desire to fall asleep in front of Jay Leno and argue over who's turn it is to pick up the dry cleaning?","Lindsay: It's called not wanting to be alone. Knowing that you're loved. Apparently a lot of us need that. Including Michael. So promise me you won't f*ck it up for him.","(Brian leaves as Lindsay waves)","(St. James Academy, boys locker room. Chris and various other boys walk in)","Chris: (to guy) You ran into my lane, you stupid ass.","Guy: I couldn't see you. I forgot my contacts.","Chris: (to guy) Faggot. (he walks further in and sees Justin, who doesn't have his shirt on yet--you can see his nipple ring) Hey, Taylor. Aren't you gonna take a shower?","Justin: I have to finish a paper for Nessler. You know what a bitch she is.","Chris: (opens his locker but looks at Justin) Don't you wanna check out all the guys' dicks? I know how much you like that. (Justin looks down as Chris spots the nipple ring) Hey, what's that?(he walks over to him)","Justin: (walking away) Nothing.","Chris: (pulls him back) Let's see. (looking at the ring) Where'd you get that?","Justin: Piercing parlor on Liberty Avenue.","Chris: sh1t. You really are a queer.","Justin: (putting his shirt on) I am not.","Chris: Yeah, then why do you have a nipple ring?","Justin: I wanted it.","Chris: Yeah, so your fudge-packin' friends can pull on it while they're butt-fucking you?","Justin: How do you know so much about what faggots do unless you are one?","(Chris pushes him against the locker and Justin punches him in the mouth. Chris punches Justin back)","Guy: Fight!","(They're trying to get to each other as the rest of the boys are pulling them back)","Chris: Come on! Motherfucking bitch! Come on, you f*cking son of a bitch!","(Justin spits blood at him. Chris gets really pissed)","Chris: Come on, you f*ck! I'm gonna kill you, you fucking--","(The boys continue to hold them back from each other)","(David's cabin. David and Michael drive up and get out of the car)","Michael: Wow. You really built this place yourself?","David: Most of it. I'm good with my hands.","(They laugh as they start walking to the front door)","Michael: Yeah, I've noticed.(takes a deep breath) Forgot how good fresh air smells.","David: When was the last time you were in the country?","Michael: We visited a dairy in the third grade.","David: That's a long time.","(David laughs. Michael looks around a bit before they go inside. Once inside, David throws his arms out)","David: Make yourself at home. I'm just gonna throw this bag upstairs.","(He puts the bag of groceries he was carrying on the table, puts his keys down and heads upstairs with a duffle bag. Michael looks around and spots a fish hanging on the wall)","Michael: (calling up to David) So, did you catch that fish or challenge it to a duel?","David: I-I caught that with some friends down in the Florida Keys.","(Michael puts his bag down and starts looking around some more. He spots a picture of a woman and a little boy)","Michael: Who's this?","David: (coming down the stairs) My ex.","Michael: Ex-scuba diving instructor? Ex-figure skating partner?","David: Ex-wife.","(There's silence as Michael looks down)","Michael: She's pretty. (he puts the picture back up) I didn't know you were married.","David: (grabbing a different picture) Yeah. Seven years. (holds the picture up) And that is my son, Hank. He's twelve now. (Michael's shocked) He's, uh...living with his mom down in Oregon. (he sits down) I don't get to see him too much anymore.","Michael: So you weren't always gay?","David: No, I was always gay. Just didn't want to admit it. (Michael nods) And being the over achiever that I am, I figured that if I worked hard enough, I could become anything I wanted. Including straight. So I married Laurie. A-and for a long time we were happy. Built this place together. But eventually it became harder to...to deny who I really was. Who I am. (smiles) So I told her. (he puts the picture down) I-I-it was the only fair thing to do...for either of us.","Michael: She must have been really upset.","(silence. David gets up)","David: After we split up...(clears throat and puts the picture back up) after we split up I promised myself that I would...well, that I would be honest with me...(Michael nods) and that I would always be honest with anyone else that I love. Which, I guess, is why I'm telling you.","(They stand in silence as David goes in to kiss Michael. They embrace after the kiss)","David: Whoa. You all right?","Michael: (looking a little woosy) Must be all this fresh air.","(chuckles)","(They hug again)","(Babylon: Studs N Suds! Emmett is on the dance floor, dancing, as Ted and Brian stand on the side and watch)","Ted: Aren't you gonna dive in, join the fun?","Brian: I already took a bath, but if you want to jump in, I promise I won't look.","Ted: You and everybody else.","Emmett: Hey, you two wallflowers. (blows soap suds at them) Come on in, the suds are great! (dancing with a guy) Look what I found. My rubber ducky, quack, quack.","Brian: (laughing) That's pathetic.","Ted: I thought Studs N Suds was your favorite contact sport.","Brian: What, a bunch of fags sliding around in their shorts?","Ted: You always seem to enjoy yourself when Michael was here. But I guess it's not as much fun scoring without your little audience of one, is it? You know, as the great French philosopher Roquefort, or-or was it Camembert, once said: \"It is not enough to trick. Your best friend must also go home alone.\"","Brian: f*ck you. (he gets up to leave) I haven't thought about Michael once tonight.","Ted: Hey, what do you know, just like when he's here.","(As Brian leaves, Ted stands there, watching the action)","(Cut to Brian walking outside of Babylon, going to his car. A guy walks up to him)","Guy: Hey! You remember me?","Brian: Why, should I?","Guy: We did it at the baths a couple weeks ago.","(Brian looks at him)","Brian: I must have been very desperate.","Guy: f*ck you! (a near-by group of guys start \"ooh\"ing as Brian gets in his jeep) Who the f*ck do you think you are?(Brian drives off as the guy hits the side of the jeep) f*ck you!","(Cut to Brian, in the jeep, stopping at a four way stop. He turns the music off and starts searching for a tape of something he likes. Out of nowhere, a car comes up behind him and rams into the jeep. Brian hits his head on the steering wheel and cuts his head. The car starts backing up, stops, revves it'ss engine and goes for it again)","Brian: (yelling) What are you doing, you crazy f*ck!?!","(He hits the side of the jeep and drives off)","(At the cabin. Michael and David are in the woods having s*x. They finish and kiss)","David: Oh, god, that was incredible.","Michael: (laughing) And they said I'd never be any good at outdoor sports.","David: (laughing and panting) Oh. (starts to get up)","Michael: Don't go. Don't go.","David: Okay. But I have to warn you, a girl scout troop comes through here every day.","Michael: Holy, sh1t!","David: (laughing) I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. We can stay here forever if you like.","Michael: I'd like. You know, I was really nervous about comin' up here this weekend.","David: Oh?","Michael: (nods) But it turns out I had no reason to be.","David: Good. So we can go away together again some time.","Michael: (sucks in air) May-be.","David: You ever been skiing?","Michael: Not really.","David: When was the last time you were in New York?","Michael: Uh, like, never.","David: London? Paris? The Amalfi Coast?","Michael: Try Atlantic City, 1983.","David: Michael, Michael. There's a whole world outside Liberty Avenue. I'd like to show it to you, if you'd let me. (pause) But first...(they kiss) we swim. (he gets up) Come on! (Michael smiles as David starts running to the water) Come on! Come on! Whoo! (jumps from a tree branch) Whoa! (laughs)","Michael: I'll be right there!","(Water splashes in the background as Michael pulls out his cell phone and calls Brian, who is laying in bed, reading a magazine)","Michael: Guess what I'm doing?","Brian: Uh, rubbing pink stuff all over the poison ivy you got when that bear chased you through the woods.","Michael: Basking in the afterglow of having just made love to David under a tree. Asshole.","Brian: (laughs) That sounds like Falcon video pack seventy-seven: Man's Country.","Michael: (laughs) It was incredible. I've never had s*x outdoors before.","Brian: Sure you did. In the back alley behind Babylon.","Michael: I don't mean the kind that takes five minutes, with your pants around your knees and your butt against the bricks. So how was your weekend?","Brian: (Brian lights a joint) Dandy.","Michael: Yeah? How was Studs N Suds?","Brian: Bubbly. Too bad you weren't there.","Michael: Okay, what's going on?","Brian: Nothing.","Michael: You can't fool me. Out with it.","Brian: (sighs) Only if you promise you won't let it spoil your weekend.","David: Michael, hurry up! Come on, it's warm!","Michael: Right there! (on phone) What?","Brian: I was in an accident. That's all.","Michael: What kind of accident?","Brian: I wouldn't f*ck this scumbag so he rammed my jeep. Twice.","Michael: Christ, are you okay?","Brian: Well, I have a minor head wound and a concussion.","Michael: Oh my god!","Brian: Now you promised you wouldn't let it spoil your weekend, so don't even think about cutting your trip short and coming back here. (David walks up to Michael) You and doc just enjoy your poke in the pines. Bye, Mikey. (he hangs up)","(Michael hangs up the phone also)","David: Are you coming in? What? What's up?","Michael: I have to go back.","(Justin's house. Craig is in the garage, looking at the busted up front of his car. Jennifer walks in and sees the car)","Jen: My god, what happened to the car?!","Craig: Just some asshole in a jeep backed into me.","(Justin comes in)","Jen: Well, I--did-did you get his information?","Craig: It was dark, honey. He drove off before I could see him. (Justin starts walking off) Where are you going?","Justin: Out.","Craig: No, you're not leaving this house.","Justin: What, so now I'm a prisoner?","Craig: I heard what happened at school, Justin, yesterday. You're principal called.","Justin: So? (he walks up to his father)","Craig: So? So now you're flaunting yourself in front of everyone?","Justin: I was not flaunting myself, dad. Besides, Chris Hobbs is the one who started it.","Craig: You know, I don't care who started it. You're not going back there. (he starts walking inside)","Jen: What?","Craig: We're sending him away to school. It's time you learned some discipline. How to be a man.","Justin: (smiles) I know all about discipline. And you should see me take it like a man.","(Craig slaps Justin)","Jen: (gasps) Craig! (she goes to Justin)","Justin: It's all right, mom. It didn't hurt. If you want to hit me, go right ahead. Only I'm not gonna cry like some little faggot. And if you want to send me away, that's all right, too. 'Cause I bet more butt-fucking goes on in boarding school than in the back room of Babylon. But whatever you do, it's not gonna matter...'cause I'll still be your queer son.","(He walks off down the driveway. Jennifer tries to say something but is too frustrated and also walks off, leaving Craig standing by the garage)","(Brian's loft. Lindsay, Melanie, Ted, Emmett, Justin and Brian are all there. Brian is on the couch as Lindsay brings him something to drink)","Lindsay: Have some tea. (hands it to him)","Brian: Ah, it's too hot. (hands it back)","Ted: Here, put this ice bag on your head. (puts it on)","Brian: Th-that's too cold. (takes it off)","Mel: What are you, Goldilocks?","Emmett: (thermometer in hand and talking in a weird voice) Time for your temperature! Roll over! (everyone laughs) Rrrr---(he","tries to put it down there)","Brian: You're not stickin' that thing up my ass.","Ted: That accident must have really jarred your brain.","Brian: It wasn't an accident. That asshole kept ramming me.","Mel: Did you get his license?","Brian: It was dark.","Justin: What kind of car was it?","Brian: I don't know. Some silver thing.","Justin: Oh my god, it was my dad. I know it. (Brian laughs) When I saw his car, it was totally smashed.","Mel: Hmm. (looking at Brian) Now why would your father do something like that?","Justin: Because my mom told him everything. He wants to have you arrested and send me away.","Brian: Don't be a drama princess.","Lindsay: You better be careful, just in case.","Brian: (scoffs) Don't worry about me. (he gets up) I'm invincible! (hops off the couch)","Mel: Yeah, you also got a concussion.","Brian: Well, f*ck it. (he turns on the stereo) It's party time.","(he grabs Justin and goes to dance in the center of the loft. Lindsay and Melanie start making out on the couch)","Emmett: Come on, Teddy. Shake your groove thang.","(Michael and David walk into the loft, seeing Brian and Justin dancing and everyone else having a good time)","Brian: Hey, guys. Join the party.","Michael: I though you were really hurt.","Brian: I am.","David: Michael insisted we come right back.","Brian: I told you not to.","Michael: I know, but--","(David leaves)","Brian: Don't go after him, Mikey. Don't ever go after anyone.","(Mel leaves to go after him and shuts the loft door as David is in the elevator)","Mel: Sorry.","David: For what?","Mel: Brian. I know what it's like, his manipulations.","David: He gets a real kick out of that, doesn't he? You know, I should just turn, walk away and never come back.","Mel: Well, that's one option. Unless, of course, you think Michael's worth fighting for, which is what you're gonna have to do.","David: Thanks for the advice.","Mel: Yeah, I like doing pro bono work. Reminds me I have a heart.","David: (opens the elevator thingie) What is it with Brian Kinney? I mean, sure, he's good looking, but a lot of guys are good looking, and he's got his f*cking charm, but we all have that when we want it. But what is it with him?","Mel: Well, now, Lindsay says it's that he'll do anything, say anything, f*ck anything. No excuses, no apologies, no regrets.","David: In other words, he doesn't give a sh1t?","(He nods his head and then closes the door again)","(Babylon. Emmett and Ted are talking as Brian inhales a popper and gives some to Michael. David walks in)","Ted: There's David.","(He walks up to Michael and Brian and puts his arms around them, inhaling some of the popper, too)","David: Ah, is there some room in your dance card for me?","Michael: Sure!","David: Not you...you. (he points to Brian)","(David grabs Brian by the arm and starts leading him away)","Brian: (looking at Michael) Why, doc, I thought you'd never ask.","(Michael looks shocked. David and Brian start to dance. Michael goes over to Ted and Emmett, looking back at David and Brian)","Emmett: Man. David looks hot!","(Michael looks at Emmett)","Ted: Why is he dancing with Brian?","(Michael looks hurt as they dance some more)","Brian: You don't dance half bad.","David: I dance damn good. I haven't done it for a while.","Brian: You should go out more often.","David: Yeah, well, there's nothing here that interests me.","Brian: Well, then why are you here?","David: I came to see you. You know, for a guy who was on death's doorstep, you made a remarkable recovery.","(They stop dancing and just stand there)","Brian: Well, I believe in the power of prayer and...drugs.","David: I told Mikey you'd be all right, but he had to come running back.","Brian: What can I say, he's a sweetheart.","David: That's because you're all that matters to him. You're his world, his life. Everything he thinks about, everything he dreams of, everything he knows.","Brian: He's my best friend since we were fourteen.","David: That's sixteen years of waiting. He's been waiting so long he actually thinks he's happy. But you and I both know that he's never gonna get what he really wants, is he?","Brian: (confused) And what is that, doc?","David: For you to f*ck him. (Brian smiles) And don't tell me you don't know it. And you love knowing it, don't you?","Brian: You've been around for, what, a week? You think you know him? (Brian looks at Michael across the dance floor. Emmett puts his arm around Michael as David looks over at him, too) You don't.","David: I'd like to. But I never will as long as you're around. Maybe I should just disappear. (Brian raises his eyebrow) You'd probably like that. And he probably wouldn't think twice about it...but i'm not going to. I'm not going to disappear. Because I want him. Even more than you don't want me to have him. So if you're really his best friend, give him a chance to be happy...to have a life. His own life. Let him go.","(They stand in the middle of the dance floor, staring at each other, as everyone around them dances)"],"Show Title":"Queer As Folk","Episode Number":"01x07","Episode Title":"Smells Like Codependence","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Queer_As_Folk_01x09.json","Recap":["Michael decides to break up with Dr. David, who surprises Michael by asking him to move in with him; Lindsay and Melanie ask Brian to relinquish his parental rights to Gus; Emmett becomes addicted to cyber-sex."],"Transcript":["(Mike and Emmett's place. Emmett's having cybersex. He's like, naked, at a table, with a laptop computer, typing with his left hand, and m*st*rb*t*ng with his right. He and \"usemyhole27,\" the guy he's chatting with, both type really well with only one hand. There's a towel by the laptop, too.)","usemyhole27: god, you're so f*cking big!","pitts9X6: you'll take every last inch, pussy boy!","usemyhole27: yes, sir! i'm loving it! don't stop!","pitts9X6: ahhhhh! [he's coming.]","usemyhole27: when can we hook up for real?","Emmett: Hock up for real?","(Emmett hastily escapes out of the chat room.)","(Liberty Avenue. At Woody's, The Boys are playing pool.)","Brian: Would you just shoot?","Ted: Pool is a game of precision and science, my friend. It involves high hand coordination, geonometry, specific graffity.","(Brian take the white ball from the pool.)","Brian: It's a f*cking ball and a stick! Will you take the shoot, Mikey?","Michael: I can't. I gotta go to meet David.","Brian: Why doesn't he meet you here?","Michael: Um, because he doesn't like my friends?","Ted: [he's looking to Brian] I don't like your friends.","Brian: How about his buddies? Does he have any?","Ted: [he finally sinks a ball] Hey, I've got some.","Brian: Yes, but you're playing stripes.","Michael: Yeah sure he has friends.","Brian: Have you ever met any?","Michael: Um, no.","Brian: Maybe he doesn't want you to.","[Justin walks up with a drink in his hand.]","Justin: Hey there.","Michael: Well, at least his friends are his own age.","Brian: What are you doin' here? I thought it was a school night.","Justin: You're here.","Brian: I'm a grown-up.","Justin: Barely.","Brian: Go home.","[Justin shakes his head, and mouths the word \"no.\" Then he sticks a condom in this teeth, and waves bye-bye to The Boys.]","Michael: What is this, 'adopt-a-trick'? First he's an one-night-stand, now he's moved in.","Brian: It's only temporarely.","Michael: What, until he grows up?","Brian: Until I figured out what to do with him. Mikey, tell the Doc we miss him.","Michael: Bye!","(Ted and Emmett walk to Ted's car. Emmett nods in the direction of a young man leaning on another car.)","Emmett: That could be him.","Ted: Who?","Emmett: usemyhole27.","Ted: Usemyhole27? Does that mean twenty-six guys have used his hole before you?","Emmett: No, my cyber boyfriend. The best cyber-sex I never had. But now it's over now.","Ted: How come?","Emmett: Because he wants to meet me.","Ted: So?","Emmett: So? I'm looking not like my profile so. Big, smooth, 6'2'', 190 lbs, four percent body fat, uncut.","Ted: Jesus, I think I did it with you last week.","Emmett: Really? [Pause] How was I?","Ted: Did you ever considering to tell him the truth?","Emmett: What, that I'm a big nelly bottom who wishes he were a beefy, brutal top? Never will be.","(The Happy Fun House. Melanie's bouncing Gus on her shoulder. Gus is not a happy baby, and not too well, either. Lindsay's on the phone.)","Lindsay: Yes, hello. This is Lindsay Peterson. I need to talk to Dr.Persou about Gus.","Mel: Oh god, he's throwing up again. He's burning up, honey.","Lindsay: I just need a second to talk...they don't want give us her number and want to leave her a message.","Mel: Give this to me. Hello, what's your name? Hi Carol, this is Melanie Marcus. Listen, we need to reach Dr.Persou, doesn't she usually leave her pager on? OK, then I'll be appreciated contacted while I'm waiting on line. Thank you!","Lindsay: I love you.","[They kiss each other.]","Lindsay: Hello, Dr.Persou? Hi, it's Lindsay Peterson. Yeah it's Gus. He has fever 102 and he's been throwing up... yes, alright. Thank you. She says we have to go to the hospital now.","Mel: Ok, Ok, all will be alright. I'll get the keys, you get his blanket.","(Meanwhile, at Brian's penthouse, Justin's on the phone as Brian gets back from Woody's.)","Justin: Brian's comes. You mean it? [He looks up and grins] My mom says hi. [Brian grins sardonically] Brian says hi, too. So, does dad ask about me? He's still mad? Can you talk to him, make him understand? No! No, I can't! I can't come home, not until he still feels that way. Mom! Mom! I'm gonna go. Give Molly a kiss from me. Yeah, you too.","[Then he hangs up, tearing up a little.]","Brian: It's not worth crying about.","Justin: I wasn't cryin'. It's my allergies.","Brian: You're father's an asshole who treats you like sh1t, and practically killed me. I say, forget about him.","Justin: But he's my dad. I mean could you forgot about your father?","Brian: I already did a long time ago.","Justin: You mean you never see him or talk to him?","Brian: What for?","Justin: Just to hang out and be together.","Brian: What, just because he got my mother pregnant, there's supposed to be some special bond between us? He served his purpose. It's all he was good for.","Justin: I could never feel that way about my dad.","Brian: Then you'll always be hurt.","[the phone rings. Justin get it.]","Justin: Hello? Oh, hi. Yeah, hold on. He's right here. [to Brian] Lindsay, she sound upset.","(At David's, Mike's fiddling with a framed picture when David leaps on him, biting his neck.)","David: I don't know why, I see you, and I just want to take a bite.","Michael: Who called?","David: Oh, my ex.","Michael: Lori?","David: Yeah, I've told her all about you.","Michael: What did you say?","David: I said you were smart, you were funny, and you were sexy.","Michael: I thought you stopped lying to your wife.","David: C'mon, let's go to bed.","Michael: Who are these people?","David: Let me see.","Michael: The people in the picture. They look nice. They look straight.","David: That's Laura, that's Steve. This is on New Years Eve. Steve is urologist, Laura's a pit. They really are friends of mine.","Michael: How come I never met them?","David: Well, I don't know. You wanna meet them?","Michael: I don't know, if you want me to meet them. I was driving the other night with my bag and stuff for tomorrow. And I start the feeling I'm someone's little secret. It's always just the two of us.","David: I have to admit I can enjoy that way just having you all by myself but if you wanna be with... other people...","Michael: No, it's okay. I never should have brought this up.","David: But I'm glad you did. Hey, what are you doin' on Saturday night?","Michael: Saturday night?","David: Yeah, I have a dinner party. I'll introduce you to the gang.","Michael: The gang? No, that's okay.","David: No! It's a great idea. I want them to know you. And you should know them.","(Mike shakes his head, and the two laugh and chase each other up the stairs. )","(Back at Mike and Emmett's, Emmett is about to delete his screen name.)","Man: Hey! What the f*ck are you doing?","(Emmett whirls around to find a really cute guy snarling at him from the doorway.)","Emmett: How the hell... How do you get in here?","Man: Hey, I ask the question first. What the f*ck did you thinking to deleting me? Didn't you recognize me? I'm Pitts9X6.","Emmett: How did you know my secret screen name?","Man: Well, I'm your screen name.","Emmett: What are you talking about? Did Ted put you up to this?","Man: Pool foul. Big, smooth, six foot two, a hundred and ninety-five pounds, four percent body fat, uncut.","Emmett: OK, OK, I get it. Michael and Ted read my profile and they paid you to come here and mess with my head. Well, my kind of reality is really tighter then everybody seems to think. OK, Pitts doesn't exist. He's a fantasy over my overacting imagination.","(Pitts unzips his pants to show that he is, indeed, uncut and nine inch long.)","Emmett: Oh, oh my god. It's true.","Pitts: 9 by six, thanks to you.","Emmett: OK, I'm must dreaming.","Pitts: Have you some hot tapes? \"Dawson's Crack\". Mind if I popp it in?","Emmett: Oh my god, I've complete cracked. I'm talking to my screen name. What is goin' on? What are you doin' here?","Pitts: Well, you're about to deleting me.","Emmett: Oh well, I'm really sorry. But I'm threw with you.","Pitts: But I'm a hottie and everyone wants me!","Emmett: Exactly, they want you - the fantasy. Not me the real person. It's pathetic, my screen name has more fun than I do.","Pitts: Hey, you've said you wish you could be a beafy, brutal top instead of a big nelly bottom. Well, if I could teach you how you to be like me you let me live?","Emmett: But I'm not like you.","Pitts: Well, I came from somewhere, didn't I?","(The Emergency Room.)","Doctor: Symptoms?","Mel: Gonorhoe, vometing, fever.","Doctor: Do you know how high?","Lindsay: Just 104 last night.","Mel: We worried about dehydration.","Doctor: OK, let's check this out. Which one of you is the mother?","Lindsay: I'm the birth mother.","Doctor: Then let's go.","Lindsay: Actually we're raising him together. We're a couple.","Doctor: Well it that case, do you have the adoption paper?","Lindsay: Adoption?!","Mel: He means for me. No, not yet, we're planed to that...","Doctor: I'm sorry but we can only allowed the child's legal guardiances to go with him.","Mel: Fine, stop talking just take him.","Lindsay: I'm right out in the minute I know more.","(They kiss each other. A nurse watching them skeptically. After Linds is gone Mel see Gus' blanket.)","Mel: Excuse me, I need to go back there. You see my partner forgot the babies blanket and I don't want him anymore upset...","Nurse: Look, Miss -- or whatever you are -- I believe that it was already explained to you that only the child's parents or legal guardian are permitted to be with him.","Mel: And I believe it needs to be explained to you who loves him and feeds him, and walks him and changes him and cleans up sh1t, and pays the bills ... You listen to me. I stay up half the night worrying that he'll grow up to be happy and healthy and loved, so don't you dare tell me I have no right to be with him, you vicious homophobic c**t!","(Brian wanders in at the end of that. Melanie, crying -- and is relieved to see him.)","Brian: What's goin' on? How is he?","Mel: I don't know. They won't let me in there.","Brian: Why?","Mel: I'm not legal. I'm not anything parently and I'm goin' crazy.","Brian: What, is that your f*cking bureaucracy?","(The doctor walks out.)","Mel: Excuse me, this is the father.","Doctor: I'll take him back.","Brian: Well, she's goin' too.","Mel: Don't worrying. Just go and give this Linds.","(The next day, The Boys are gathered at the Gym.)","Brian: Not even six months old, and my kid's already a drama queen.","Ted: Well, at least you know he's yours.","Michael: The good news is he's alright.","Brian: Yeah because I have to go to the hospital by myself because someone left their cell phone off.","Michael: I had to deal with my own crisis. David throwing a diner party, us and two other couples, one of them are straight.","Brian: He eats with straight people?","Ted: Yech! You never know where their hands have been!","Emmett: So, what's the problem?","Michael: The problem is what I have to talk about?","Ted: What we're talk about.","Emmett: What we've done. Who we've done. Who we want to do.","Michael: These people aren't like us. Their professors and doctors, and things.","Ted: We're things. Ad execs, accountants --","Emmett: Couturiers to Disco trash?!","Michael: The thing is after two minutes it will be paintly obious that I don't fit in and David will dump me on the spot.","Ted: Then we'd better get busy. Right, Professor Higgins?","Emmett: Right, Pickering. We'll turn you from a simple flower girl into a lady.","(Pitts comes up. Unseen for the other.)","Pitts9X6: Speaking of which, let's get to work.","Emmett: What are you doing here?","Pitts9x6: Turning you from a candy-ass into a stud. So, let's see you spread 'em. Now!","(Emmett jumps, and starts up again on his machine. The Boys notice that Emmett's working extra hard.)","Michael: What's with G.I. Jane?","Ted: If he's not careful, he might actually break a sweat. Or a nail.","(The Happy Fun House. Lindsay walks into the living room. Melanie's sulking on the couch.)","Lindsay: He's down for a while anyway.","Mel: That's good.","Lindsay: Hon, what are you thinking about?","Mel: Hebrew School.","Lindsay: He's still a little young, don't you think?","Mel: No, when I was a kid in the Hebrew School Rabbi used to say, 'If you ever forget you're a Jew, a non-Jew will remind you.' I was wondered what he meant. Until Amely Merely called me a JAP on the playground.","Lindsay: Oh, that nell bitch!","Mel: Then I knew what he meant. I'd forgotten I was different until I was so awful remind it. Same thing happened at the hospital last night.","Lindsay: Well, their had not right.","Mel: Yeah, they did. They had every right. But we have a right, too. To protect ourselves. We have to talk to Brian.","(At Brian's penthouse, The Boys, plus Justin, are giving Mike dining etiquette lessons.)","Emmett: Just be sure to compliment the hostess.","Michael: I'm the hostess.","Brian: And you look lovely.","Emmett: OK, which fork is for salat?","Justin: (playing Gameboy) Go from the outside in.","Brian: Yeah, I though you studied for your calcular exam.","Justin: I'm taking a break.","Brian: Well, get back to work.","Emmett: Now, bread plate.","(He's taking the wrong.)","Justin: On your left.","Emmett: Water glass?","Justin: On your right.","(Mike and Emmett glare at him. Justin smiles angelically.)","Michael: So, as long as I only have salat, bread and water I'm all set.","Ted: Now talking about conversation. Stay clear from religion because you never know where anyone stands; avoid politics like the plague; and you should probably steer clear of the economy as well.","Brian: So far he has no trouble. Mikey never talked about religion, politics and the market in his life.","Michael: Well, what do I talk about, then?","Justin: Movies are always a save path. If you want to appear current without appearing controversial.","Michael: I saw X-Men six times.","(Justin busts up laughing. Ted sighs.)","Ted: Well, I didn't think that this impress the guests.","Brian: Look, you making too big deal out of this. You show up, your talk, you eat.","Michael: But these are David's best friends. I wanna make a good impression.","Emmett: And you're will. Just just have to remember a few simply rules. Utensils work from the outside in.","Ted: Remember not to talk about anything that matters.","Brian: Don't talk with your mouth full.","Michael: What if I burp?","Justin: Just cover your mouth with your napkin and say 'excuse me' to no one in particular.","Ted: Just be yourself. You won't have anything to worried about.","Michael: I just know somehow somewhere I'm goin to f*ck up.","Brian: That's what he means -- be yourself.","(At the Happy Fun House, Brian's Lesbians nervously dither over the tea as Brian and Justin wait in the living room.)","Lindsay: Let me talk to him. You know you sad him off.","Mel: I won't say a thing. I won't say anything.","(In the living room, Brian's being adorable with the baby again.)","Brian: He seems fine to me. Aren't you, sonny boy?","Lindsay: Thank God after last night.","Mel: Well, that's the way it goes -- yesterday, life and death; today tea and cookies.","Justin: They're good.","Lindsay: It's a mix. It makes your realize how important it is to be prepared.","Brian: For what?","Lindsay: For what happened with that nurse.","Brian: God, she was a real bitch.","Mel: Thank you.","Lindsay: Justin, would you like some ice cream?","Justin: No, I'm okay.","Brian: What do you gettin' at?","Lindsay: Well, it's something we're talked about Gus' was born and we're never got to do. Melanie would like to petition for second-parent adoption.","Justin: What's that?","Mel: Well, I'm not Gus' biological parent like Lindsay and Brian. So, I need to have papers that make me his legal guardian.","Lindsay: Only Melanie can't get the process goin' until you sign papers agreened to give up your parental rights.","Justin: No way! He's Gus's dad!","Lindsay: No one's deniing that. You know your always be part of his life. And the same way we're always part of each others.","(Melanie and Lindsay wait expectantly for his answer. Brian, looking only at his son.)","Brian: You don't have to convince me. Just tell me where to sign.","Justin: What?! You mean, you're actually wanna do it?","Mel: Justin!","Brian: He will be better off. What I have to do?","Mel: Sign some papers. I'll have them drawn up.","Justin: You can't.","Brian: Would you stay out of this?","Justin: You're his father!","Brian: And I'm teaching him a lesson -- don't count on your old man.","(Babylon! It's Mixed Group Hula Hoop Night! Every other person is dancing with a hula hoop, and half of them are women, so maybe tonight's the night they invite the lesbians. Emmett and Ted boogie over near the stage.)","Ted: What are you doin' with your arm?","Emmett: I call it the 'Praise Jesus.'","Ted: It's like you hailing a cab.","[Pitts shows up.]","Pitts9x6: I called it the worst dancing I've ever seen.","Emmett: Who ask you?","Ted: Don't get sore. I'm just kidding.","Pitts9x6: See anyone who's hot?","Emmett: I haven't seen so many dogs since 101 Dalmatians.","Ted: Hey, what about that guy over there?","Pitts9x6: I'd like to housebreak him.","Emmett: I suppose he's alright.","Ted: Translation - we don't have the guts to go after him.","Pitts9x6: Speak for yourself, loser.","(Pitts drags Emmett over to Stair Guy, pushes Emmett into the other man. Emmett's beer got spilled all over Stair Guy.)","Stair Guy: You made me spill my beer.","Emmett: Sorry.","Pitts9x6: Tell him you would like him over his chest.","Emmett: What?!","Stair Guy: I said I spilled my beer, man!","Pitts9x6: Say it!","Emmett: I lick it off your chest.","Stair Guy: I rather had a napkin.","Emmett: Right, right. Oh, here.","Pitts9x6: Well what are you waitin' for. Ask him to go. Hey dude!","Emmett: Hey dude. I never say dude.","Pitts9x6: I can tell you one of that.","Emmett: Hey dude, I can tell you one of that.","Pitts9x6: What if you go out of here and go nast.","Emmett: What if you go out of here and... He's making me say all this.","Stair Guy: f*cking weirdo!","Pitts9x6: Well, that was the most stunning display of ineptitude I've ever witnessed.","Ted: Hey, how'd go?","Emmett: f*ck off!","[SCENE_BREAK]","(At David's house, David and his friends are in the middle of the living room, drinking wine and laughing. The doorbell rings, and, Laura -- a redheaded earth sister type -- sidesteps David to answer it.)","Laura: At last. The boyfriend.","Michael: I'm sorry, I'm late.","Laura: Nonsense, you're fashionable. I'm Laura. Listen, I've known David forever, so if there's anything you need to know about him --","David: Warning, don't listen to Dr. Laura!","Laura: I hate when he calls me that.","David: You've got a PID.","Laura: Yeah, in economics.","Michael: Excuse me, sir, do I know you?","Laura: Oh, he's funny! He's adorable!","David: See? She thinks you're adorable.","Michael: I have nervousness as hell.","David: Why? Everybody's gonna love you.","Michael: What makes you think that?","David: Because I do. Go, go, go.","(At Brian's penthouse, Brian shaves while Justin takes a shower. Brian's helping Justin with his vocabulary homework.)","Brian: Insouciant.","Justin: Unconcerned, nonchalant. That's what you are. Insouciant.","Brian: Sycophant.","Justin: Uncaring.","Brian: That's wrong. It means ass kisser.","Justin: It doesn't say ass-kisser.","Brian: 'One that seeks favor by flattery.' Ass-kisser.","Justin: Who cares what it says? How can you give away Gus? He'll think you didn't want him.","Brian: He'll be right.","Justin: I don't believe you. I was there in the night when Gus' were born. I saw him give him a kiss.","Brian: Not everyone is cut out to be a father!","Justin: So what are you gonna tell him some day when he's old enough why you didn't want him?","Brian: I'll tell him the truth. These two dykes high noon and wanted a kid really bad. So I jerked off into a cup.","Justin: That's not all. A boy needs a father. Believe me, I know.","Brian: Yeah, you haven't had a father for almost two weeks.","Justin: Even he gets angry, even he isn't always there it's better than not having one at all.","Brian: Yeah, don't be so sure.","Justin: You're father must have loved you. It did even you didn't show it.","Brian: (smiles) Yeah, he knew how to show it, all right, especially after he'd had a few.","Justin: Yeah, well, at least he didn't give you away.","(Brian throws down his towel and stalks out of the bathroom.)","Brian: Garrulous.","Justin: Loquacious. Chatty. Where are you goin'?","Brian: Out.","Justin: I thoughed you've gonna help me!","Brian: If you want help, call your father.","(Meanwhile, at David's, Dr. Dave's serving the first course.)","Man#1: When David makes a meal, you don't eat for a week.","Laura: Before or afterwards!","Michael: I didn't know you could cook.","Javier: You two have a lot to learn.","David: Give him time and he'll discover all my secrets.","Steve: Like underwear.","David: Right.","Michael: You have an underwear fetich?","Laura: In our last trip together he brough an entire suitcase of jocky shorts and socks.","Michael: Did you all go together?","Eddie: We rent it a house.","Javier: It was fabulous!","Steve: Laura still talking about the food tryin' gettin' 6 pounds prosciuotto through Customs.","Laura: He exaggerate. It was four.","Steve: It was six.","Laura. Four.","Eddie: Six.","Laura: Were you ever been in Italy?","Michael: Uh no, but my Uncle Vic spent a lot time there.","Eddie: Was he in business?","Michael: No, AIDS. He went there to die.","(Everyone freezes.)","Laura: I'm sorry.","Michael: Well, it's not your fault. He's really sick. So he decide to take his dream trip to Rome, but then the protease inhibitors kicked in and he's home and he's fine. Except for some occasional diarrhea.","David: I really like to take Michael away for a while. Well he works so hard and...","Eddie: So what is it that you do, Michael?","Michael: Um I'm in retail.","Steve: Really, where?","Michael: Big Q.","David: He's got a promotion. He's the manager.","Laura: The Big Q. Eddie, isn't that what they call you?","(The table laughs, and Mike's relieved. David drinks more wine.)","Steve: I've seen those stores, but I'm actually been in one.","Eddie: They sell everything you can imagine.","Javier: But nothing you'd want to buy.","Michael: (to Javier) Haven't I seen you there?","Javier: Excuse me?","Michael: I know I know you from somewhere. Do you shop at the Big Q?","Javier: Hardly.","Laura: Well, the next time we're go someplace you must come with us.","Eddie: How about Mykonos in July?","Michael: I only get a week off.","Laura: Oh you pure thing. That is were I love academica. We're professors get the whole summer.","David: I should check the sea food paella. Is this okay with shellfish?","Michael: (to Javier) That's where I know you from -- from the White Party! You gave me crabs!","(Eddie sets his glass down hard. David coughs.)","David: Anyone likes more whine?","(At the Happy Fun House, Melanie walks into the bedroom, wearing only a towel. Lindsay's already in bed, naked. Melanie opens the towel and we get some fully nude lesbian.)","Mel: Ready or not?","Lindsay: You're in a good mood.","Mel: The best. I'm finally going to be an official, fully signed, sealed, and delivered Mom.","Lindsay: Actually I'm the one who delivered.","Mel: Jesus, I can't believe it. Brian!","Lindsay: I always knew it comes through.","Mel: I was sure he tells to get f*ck ourselves.","Lindsay: I'm sure it wasn't easy giving up his rights.","Mel: He didn't even seem to care.","Lindsay: I'm sure he cared. He loves his son more than you ever though.","Mel: All that matters is that Gus is finally ours, both of ours.","(And that's enough talk -- bring the s*x! Which they have! With music, even!)","(Brian walks down an unfamiliar street and into the IGE Union Hall, approaching a table where four older men are playing poker.)","Jack: You're bet, Tommy.","Tommy: I want this hand. Next round on me.","Jack: The next round is on Tommy. That's three rounds a night!","Brian: How are you doing, Pop?","Jack: I had better days and for sure better hands. Say hello to the guys.","Brian: Hello guys.","Jack: I'm out. I was bluffing anyway.","Tommy: As long as you weren't bluffing on anybody.","(Brian's dad folds soon after the bar, and buys a scotch.)","Jack: What do you want, Sonny Boy?","Brian: Beer's good.","Jack: How about the scotch in the city? So how's that fancy job of yours?","Brian: The fancy job is just fine. I can't complain.","Jack: Leave the complaining to the warden. If it was up to her, I'd never have any fun. Listen, um... I'm uh...a little short.","(Brian slides him an envelope filled with cash.)","Jack: You're a good boy. I'm keeping strickt concer, that you got the goddamn penny.","Brian: I know.","Jack: Don't work too hard, now.","Brian: Thanks for the advice.","Jack: You've got to leave some time for the ladies.","Brian: Oh, I always leave time for the ladies.","Jack: But don't let them tie you down.","Brian: Don't worry about me, Pop.","Jack: That's what they are wanna do, no matter what they say.","Brian: I think I can handle this.","Jack: You know, you and me, we have a lot alike.","Brian: We are?","Jack: We won't settle down. Sometimes I look in the mirror and say to myself, Jack Kinney, you dump son of a bitch, why did you ever become a family man?","Brian: Why did you? Why did you marry mom? Why do you have me?","Jack: Jesus, you're a smart kid, you never figured it out?","(Brian want to go out.)","Jack: C'mon, Sonny Boy! Sonny Boy! Just stay. C'mon, have another drink with your old man. C'mon, have another drink.","(At Mike and Emmett's.)","Emmett: Everyone though I'm crazy. I wasn't so humiliated in my life!","Pitts9x6: What are you doin?","Emmett: I'm deleting you, like I should have done to begin with.","Pitts9x6: Hold. Don't I get one last chance? Think about all the hot s*x you scored to pretending you were me. Come into my world.","Emmett: You don't have a world; you have a web.","Pitts9x6: Sign on.","Emmett: Alright, this is your last chance.","(Emmett pushes a button, and the two are transported into a virtual chat room -- a white-walled room with phrases and words dancing around the walls in blue lights. Men walk and stand around, their screen names projected onto their chests in white light.)","Pitts9x6: So which one you want to talk to?","Emmett: Surfer Dude. So, how's goin'?","Pitts9x6: What are you doin'? You can't. You don't exist here. Remember? You've got to talk through me.","Emmett: Alright. Wow. Give a screen name a little power and he becomes a control freak. Ask him what he's got on?","Pitts9x6: What are you wearing?","Surfer Dude: Just a jockstrap.","Emmett: Wow, some of them and whole Pittsburgh would be naked. Ask him what he's into.","Pitts9x6: What are you into?","Surfer Dude: Jacking off, sucking, just for starters.","Emmett: Tell him...","Pitts9x6: I know what to say. It's what your always said. I through you down the bed and rip that jockstrap off with me teeth.","Surfer Dude: You're making me so hard.","Pitts9x6: And then I flip you over and slap that tight bubble botton until you beg me to f*ck you.","Surfer Dude: Yeah man, you've got me so gorny.","Emmett: So gorny? What was that mean?","Surfer Dude: Sorry typo. I'm so horny.","usemyhole27: Hey pitts, it's me. Where have you've been?","Emmett: Oh my God, it's usemyhole 27.","Pitts9x6: Yeah, I'll tell him to f*ck off. We're busy.","usemyhole27: I still want to be your bottom boy.","Pitts9x6: Give me your address. All come over.","Emmett: What?!","usemyhole27: Cool.","(Back in the real world.)","Emmett: Do you know what you just did?!","Pitts9x6: Yeah, I got you a date.","(Back at David's, the host says goodbye to his guests.)","David: Bye Steve.","Steve: Great dinner, as always.","Laura: I call you, sweety.","David: (points to Michael) Adorable? (she nodds)","Eddie: Good night David, thank you.","David: Good night.","(All guests are gone.)","David: Hey, don't clean up.","Michael: Well, it's the least I could do, considering the mess I made. How was I supposed to know that Javier never told Eddie he want to the White Party?","David: (laughs) Well, he knows now.","Michael: As I say I'm just a jerk.","David: You're not a jerk.","Michael: I am a jerk and I've never been anywhere, I've never done anything.","David: So what?","Michael: I never even made it through a semester of community college.","David: So what?","Michael: I don't know what you want from me.","David: Michael, that doesn't matter.","Michael: It matters to me.","David: C'mon. (he kisses Michael)","Michael: I can't. I got to go.","David: What?","Michael: I've forget my clothes for work.","David: Michael! Michael...","(Pitts and Emmett walk to usemyhole27's door.)","Emmett: He would open that door, take one look at me and laugh right in my face.","Pitts9x6: He liked you online.","Emmett: Yeah, that's because he though I was you. I'm the Cyrano of cyberspace.","Pitts9x6: Who?","Emmett: Never mind.","(The door opens, revealing a guy who is nothing like his screen persona -- he's tall, built like a linebacker, and sort of dorky-looking. But cute. He and Emmett size each other up.)","Emmett: usemyhole27?","Guy: Pitts9x6? I guess I'm not what you expected.","Emmett: Well, I'm gonna say the same thing. I mean I'm not a big, beefy top.","Guy: Do I look like a hungry, submissive bottom?","Emmett: Well you sure have me fooled. I mean the way you beg to be dominated.","Guy: No way, you made me beg. You were the most ruthless pigmaster I ever talked to.","(Emmett looks at Pitts -- who gives him an encouraging nod.)","Emmett: Then what the f*ck are you standing there for, huh? Drop to your knees, pussy boy.","Guy: Yes, sir.","(At Mike's place, there's a knock at the door. Mike thinks Emmett's lost his key again, but it's Brian, drunk off his ass.)","Michael: Emmett, you can't keep loosin' your key!","Brian: Hey, Sonny Boy.","Michael: Oh sh1t, you went to see your dad!","Brian: Stay here and have a drink with your old man!","Michael: Alright, c'mon. C'mon.","(Mike steers Brian into his bedroom, while Brian babbles drunkenbabblingblah. Mike undresses Brian and gets him into bed.)","Brian: We're last our aim.","Michael: Uh, huh, left up your arms.","Brian: Yeah, we're 14 points at least 10 minutes.","Michael: What a boy.","Brian: The boys laid a damnmight strike. Tony Cartego...","Michael: Get in bed.","Brian: You should have heard him: 'How's my successful son? I'm a little short of cash. I never should have been a family man.'","Michael: That's ancient history. Now, go to sleep.","Brian: He never changes. Not his bullshit. Not his life.","Michael: When are you going to learn? That's all he is. That's all he can be.","(Brian starts to cry. And then grasps Michael's hand in comfort.)","(Back at Babylon, Emmett's back -- shirt open, red sunglasses on, big shit-eating grin on his face. He finds Ted and sit besides him.)","Ted: What happened to you?","Emmett: Honey, you name it. How about you?","Ted: I'm starring at the same guy for the last three hours.","(Pitts drops his head in Emmett's lap.)","Pitts9x6: Hey. How did it go?","Emmett: There you are. This bottom is on top of the world. What about you dude?","Ted: What I have to do with it?","(Ted's looking at him funny.)","Emmett: Baby, I'm never going to delete you.","Ted: Deleting? OK, hand over the drugs!","Emmett: Shot your hole!","Ted: Excuse me?","Emmett: You heard me, pussy boy. I want you to go downstairs and tell that guy that you've been staring at all night that you want him to get down on his knees and service your cock.","Ted: WHAT?!","Emmett: Move it! Move it!","Ted: Yes, sir.","(Pitts and Emmett slap each other five.)","(The next day at the Happy Fun House, Melanie hands Brian and Lindsay papers to sign.)","Mel: I had my assistent apply to sign.","Brian: I need a pen.","Mel: Oh, got one.","(Gus gurgles in the background.)","Brian: There is no ink in there.","Lindsay: I have one. Here you go. (Brian stops) Brian?","(Gus cries. Brian looks at him.)","Mel: Honey, I though you changed him.","Lindsay: I did. Maybe the new formula didn't agree with him.","(Brian still looks at Gus.)","Mel: Well, I guess we should go on with this.","Brian: I changed my mind. (He's taking Gus out of the baby bed.)","Lindsay: Brian please, don't do this.","Brian: I'm not signing this.","Mel: We had an agreement.","Brian: That was before. Gus didn't exists then.","Mel: Oh god, I knew it!","Lindsay: Brian you know how important this is to us after what happened in the hospital.","Brian: I'm sorry for that. That's wrong. But so is giving up my kid. Isn't that right, Sonny Boy?","(At the gym, Mike's working out like a madman. David walks up.)","David: You need a break?","Michael: I'm still working up the paella.","David: I could use a few raps myself. C'mon.","(They go out of the balcony.)","Michael: Look, I know I disappointed you.","David: No, I let you down.","Michael: I'm an idiot.","David: I'm a jerk. I was insensitive, and I should have been more sensitive.","Michael: I don't fit in with your friends, and I don't know if I ever will.","David: When two people come from two different places...","Michael: I know, we come from two different worlds...","David: ...there's only one thing they should do.","Michael: I know, I totally agree. So, this is it. It's over.","David: \"Over\"? What's over? Mike, I want you to move in with me.","(Cue Mike's bug-eyed shock, and then the credits.)","Music: # Bad Case Of Loving You (Doctor Doctor) from Robert Palmer"],"Show Title":"Queer As Folk","Episode Number":"01x09","Episode Title":"Daddy Dearest (Sonny Boy)","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Queer_As_Folk_02x10.json","Recap":["Michael mourns the death of his comic book hero, Captain Astro, while Debbie finds a real life murder victim behind the diner. Emmett helps George to enjoy himself. Melanie & Lindsay are inspired by the contents of Lindsay's Granny Faye's secret letters."],"Transcript":["[We open with the pages of Captain Astro as Michael narrates the dialogue for us.]","Morphisto: [Michael's Voice] \"So Captain Astro, this is how it ends? With a whimper. Not a bang!\"","Captain Astro: \"I don't know about you, Morphisto. But I get quite a bang out of it.\"","Morphisto: \"All these years of your pursuits - from planet to planet. Over galaxies across billions of light years has exhausted me.\"","Captain Astro: \"You'll be getting plenty of rest from now on, Morphisto - in solar solitary! What the... feeling weak ... can barely stand.\"","Morphisto: \"Forgot to mention, my dear Captain. This planet I had you chase me to... has a deadly virus. Luckely I'm completely immune, too bad you don't. Get your shots.\"","Captain Astro: \"Help me.\"","Michael: \"The end of an era - Captain Astro... is dead. The End.\" Captain Astro is dead?!","[Diner. Mikey is telling his friends about Captain Astro's unfortunate demise.]","Emmett: Oh my god, what happen?","Michael: He died of an intergalactic virus which has no known human cure. When it sound like to you.","Brian: Cheap plot to keep you in ball for the next issue. \"Captain Astro returned fromt he dead. Out on bucks for $25.\"","Michael: It's not gonna be a next issue. I talked to the publisher. He never bringing him back.","[Debbie turns around all smiles. She's looking at a concerned Mike.]","Debbie: Sweetheart, what's wrong?","Michael: They killed him.","Debbie: Who?!","Justin: Captain Astro.","Debbie: Honey, I'm so sorry. [She smacks Michael in the head.] Did you ever f*cking scare me like that again... f*ck!","Ted: Look at that this way - He lived a long and productive life must have saved the world at least 5.000 times.","Emmett: Yeah in his age he still look good in Spandex, it's quiet incheapment.","Michael: You guys can joke all you want but the word on the net is that the reason he killed him because people thoughed he was gay.","Brian: Well, all he lives with Galaxy Lad for thirty years it's a chance of that.","Justin: If it's true that they killed Captain Astro because he's gay they mix his dead with hate crime.","Ted: I think you get a little carried away. I mean he's not real. He's a comic book hero.","Michael: It was more than that. He was a hero for a lot of kid who don't have heros. Now he's gone.","[Lindsay and Melanie are picking out wedding stuff. This time it's the place setting and menu. Everything is very, very French.]","French woman: This is our plate special.","Mel: Translation it's called \"blue plate special. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and iceberg lettuce with Russian dressing.","French woman: Next le menu parisian.","Lindsay: Uh lala.","French woman: (speaks french)","Mel: So how much for Marie Antoinette's last meal.","French woman: Fifty.","Mel: Let them eat wedding cake.","Lindsay: What's that?","French woman: (speaks french) Feast of feasts - it's filet mignon from New Zealand and African lobster.","Lindsay: How much?","French woman: 125.","Mel: Wow, for surf and turf?","French woman: Perhaps I should be allow you two to discussed your special day.","[Cut to lesbian bar with the shaky cam.]","Mel: [to Leda] You should have see this. The plat\u00e9.","Lindsay: It's called tasty.","Mel: It's called to rip of. I can't believe of that charge.","Lindsay: I can't believe you still carryin on about that.","Leda: So which plate you have you pick?","Lindsay: We haven't decided it yet. But I'm leaving for the Feast of feasts.","Leda: Uh, what's that?","Lindsay: Filet mignon from New Zealand and African lobster.","Mel: They fly the cow in first class.","Lindsay: It's our special day.","Mel: You don't remind me on this movement, I don't want to hear that.","Lindsay: You don't. In fact we don't had to have a sit-down diner at all. We can have a wedding right here!","Mel: Very funny(!)","Lindsay: I'm serious. We can do it from five to seven during Happy Hour. Two for one-drinks, three meal and all we can wear is a Buffalo wings! Well it will costs us about a hundred bucks, tops!","Mel: Sit down. You've been ridiculous.","Lindsay: I'm standing here. You have been who's rediculous counting every nickel and dime.","Mel: Every nickel and dime we don't have...","Leda: Girls, girls. We maybe dykes, but remember we are still ladies.","Mel: I'm sorry if you feel that all I care is about money. But I didn't grow up like a spoiled little rich girl like you.","Lindsay: I am not a spoiled little rich girl!","Mel: Please! Your entire world view is based on Santa bringing everything you have ever asked for.","Lindsay: He didn't bring me everything I ask for. I've never have that cashmere sweater I always wanted. No, I thought that we could just onces we could be a little extravagant. But obviously you've be happier when the \"Weddings for Less\". But better yet not even gone through even all.","Mel: I never said that! But if it's that what you want, it's not too late!","[Lindsay storms off. Mel follows.]","Leda: [to another dyke] Marriage - straight people deserve it.","[Schickle's Mansion - Emmett is very pleased with the blowjob he just received.]","Emmett: Where in the world did you learn that?","George: Well, in my age technique is everything.","Emmett: Technqiue. I would call that art. That was the best oral s*x I have ever had.","George: Well I still don't understand you've not in Babylon with so an old guy like me. There are always beautiful young men outside there.","Emmett: For one thing most of this beautiful young men are only interested it themselves. And for another the s*x is usally so fast and inpersonally you forget you had it before you get home. So you are different. Well, I got to go. I supposed to meet the boys at Babylon.","George: Babylon?","Emmett: Yeah, it's a gay dance club.","George: I've been in a gay dance bar once.","Emmett: Once?","George: It was years ago, in San Francisco. It was so hot and such a place. So I turned around and left.","Emmett: You're tellin' me that's the only time you have ever been in a place full of queers?","George: Well, I've go in the opera of course.","Emmett: C'mon.","George: Where we're goin'?","Emmett: You are coming with me.","George: Oh no. I'm not ready.","Emmett: Honey, of course you are ready. You've been ready your entire life. You just didn't know it. C'mon, put on your dancing shoes. We are goin' to Babylon!","[Babylon. Everybody's dancing holding water bottles. Justin and Brian appear to be doing some kind of drug.]","Ted: C'mon, Mike, cheer up. It's not the end of the world.","Michael: It's just a universe. I should stay at home.","Brian: And cried yourself to sleep.","Michael: If I wanted to, yes. What the f*ck of business is yours?!","Ted: Better to join the living. Have a drink.","Justin: Have a bump.","Brian: Have a boy.","Michael: In case your forgot I've seen someone.","Justin: Ben had nothing to do it with.","Michael: [to Brian] You've trained him well.","Brian: Thanks.","Ted: The kid has a point. Not tying to knock like a marry munker.","Justin: You're guys even live together.","Brian: Yeah, cheer up yourself.","Michael: Well, that's your arrangement.","Justin: What about him?","Brian: He's too tall. Him?","Justin: He's to hairy.","Ted: It's like Goldilocks.","Brian: Hey and there dancing the Three Bears.","Justin: Or we take anyone home we both have to a complete agreement.","Ted: That's were so many couple go wrong. The one want color the other wants stripes.","Justin: There is Emmett.","Brian: Who's that guy beside him?","Justin: It's the Crypt Keeper.","Michael: I think he's just your type. Not too hairy, not too tall, just right.","[Brian is unamused. Emmett introduces George to the group.]","Emmett: Hi guys, I want you to meet my new friend, George.","George: Hey guys.","Emmett: Allowed my to introduce everyone.","George: I feel like I knows your guys already. You're Ted, am I correct?","Ted: Right.","George: The Entrepreneur. You bet I try to credit you cause your website brought us together. And you, of course, are Michael - the devoted friend.","Michael: You've told him that?","George: And Justin. If I had your courage when I was in your age what different my life would have been. And there is Brian from what Emmett tells me your of a love child of James Dean and Ayn Rand.","Brian: George, can I buy you a drink?","Emmett: No, we came here to dance! C'mon George, let's boogy.","[They enter the dance floor.]","Michael: Look at them go.","Ted: Yeah, he keep his cholosterin down.","Justin: You think they actually doing it?","Brian: Why? You got problem with older men, kid?","[On the dance floor.]","George: It's like a dream. I can't believe what I'm missin'!","Emmett: Me neither!","[On the bar]","Justin: Check out the dirty blond of the white sweater.","Brian: How you already know what I like.","Justin: Your older man always go for the same type. I'll get him.","[As Justin and the trick dive into the crowd, Justin turns and makes an excited face at Brian. Blue neon lights. Brian's on his back, sweaty in bed. Pan down his sweaty body to the head giving him...well, head. Justin's riding someone. Brian laughs]","Brian: You have great taste.","[The head pops up: it's Justin's trick.]","Guy: Thanks.","Brian: Not you, him.","[ Brian pointing at Justin, who's riding the trick.]","[Ben's listening to Michael, who's still upset about Captain Astro. They're in bed, facing the wrong way.]","Michael: First time I saw him I was 10 years old. I went out for Fisher's drugstore and there it was. \"Adventures of Captain Astro\". I never had heard about him. He wasn't famous as Superman or Spiderman. I think that's what attractive me. Just I was the guy whos discovered him.","Ben: Or maybe it was the giant bulges in his tights.","Michael: After I picked up I was break down. My mom yelled over the stores baker 'Michael Notovny get the ass on the check-out'. So I stuffed it in front of my cords.","Ben: You stole Captain Astro?","Michael: There wasn't extra money for comics. Since I get home I ran up in my room and finished it. It was all about that Astro would never lie or cheer or steal. Since I read that I rode back at my bike to Fisher's drugstore and I told Mr.Fisher that I swiped it. I was sure he would call the cops. But instead he reached in his pocket and hold out two quarters and he put in at the cash register and he handed me back the comic. Then I goes home. My mom was probably worried about me.","Ben: You're a good man, Michael Novotny. Even if you are a petty crook.","[He kisses Michael's head, but Michael remains motionless.]","[The Happy Fun House. Mel lowers the newspaper she's holding (it blares an Aida ad). Linds comes in with breakfast - only for herself.]","Mel: Where is mine?","[Linds says nothing. She's searching for the newspaper.]","Lindsay: Can I have the Arts and Leisure section?","Mel: I'm reading it.","Lindsay: In six years I known you never read the Arts and Leisure section.","Mel: Well, I'm reading it today.","[phone rings. Lindsay won't answer it so that Mel has to so Lindz can steal back the Arts and Leisure section. Which she does.]","Mel: Hello? Hang on, it's for you.","[Mel steals back the section.]","Lindsay: Hello? Hi mom. You have my message? That's good. But she left it to me. She wanted me to wear it. Well, it's real mean it to me, mom! And it's not your place to refused mother!","[she hangs off.]","Mel: Now what?","Lindsay: She won't let me have my granny wedding dress.","Mel: What?!","Lindsay: She said if granny knew a lesbian was wearing her dress, she'd die.","Mel: Thought she already did. Honey.","Lindsay: It meant a lot to me to get married in her dress.","[Mel kisses Lindsay's head and pulls her to her chest.]","Mel: I know baby, I know.","[Debbie's taking out the trash behind the diner wearing an \"IT'S ALL ABOUT ME\" t-shirt. She opens the dumpster. There's a body inside.]","Debbie: Holy sh1t!","[She says nothing as she looks around for somebody, anybody, to tell her what she's supposed to do next. \"Uh,\" she says at one point. But mostly she stands and blinks as the roar of the highway rushes nearby.]","[Someone takes a photograph of the crime scene. The body is now out of the dumpster and on a stretcher.]","Cop: No wallet, no ID.","Det.Horvath: You search the dumpster?","Cop: Yeah. And there is nothing.","Det.Horvath: Search it again. [to Debbie] You mind if you ask you a few questions...[he look on her button] Debbie?","Debbie: Not if I ask you one first. What the f*ck is happen?","Det.Horvath: Looks like somebody strangled the victom and tossed him in the trash. What time do you say you found him?","Debbie: 15, 20 minutes ago. When I called you. How long do you think he's in there?","Det.Horvath: Six, seven hours from the look of it. You have seen him before?","Debbie: Yes, he...","[Justin starres at the victim.]","Debbie: [to Justin] Sunshine, don't look!","Det.Horvath: Sunshine?","Debbie: Yeah, that's what I called him. You got a problem with that?","Det.Horvath: What about him? Has he got a name?","Debbie: Spanish Omelet.","Det.Horvath: What?","Debbie: Extra crispy home fries and toasts. I only knew him by his order.","Det.Horvath: Looks like we got a Jane Doe.","Debbie: What you just say?","Det.Horvath: Cop talk.","Debbie: Oh, you know just because you found a body on Liberty Avenue doesn't give you the right to make fag jokes. The boy in the trash was somebodies son.","Det.Horvath: Yeah, I'm sure he made his mother proud.","Debbie: Well, I'm the proud mother of a gay son. If you a homophobic prick...","Det.Horvath: The name is Horvath. H-O-R-V-A-T-H. File a complaint.","[Michael walks up with the gang.]","Michael: Ma, you're okay?","Debbie: [to Det.Horvath] This is my gay son, Michael. I just telling this nice officer all about you.","Ted: Jesus, what happened?","Emmett: My god, is he dead?","Brian: What the hell you served him, Deb?","Det.Horvath: Anyone noticed this guy?","Justin: I do. I danced with him onces in Babylon.","Det.Horvath: I don't supposed you got his name?","Justin: No...","Brian: Well, I'm starved. Let's eat.","[They walk back into the diner as the victim's body is covered.]","[Inside the diner.]","Brian: Did you see what he's wearing?","Emmett: Leather pants, tank top.","Brian: Yeah, my theory is who ever killed him want make some fashion statement.","Ted: I think it was crime of passion. His boyfriend discovered that he was unfaithful so set him out. Say, maybe tonight some secret spot. When he gets there his boyfriends steps out of shadows and strangled him.","Emmett: I think you have seen too many operas.","Ted: I'm goin' tonight, I have an extra ticket if you wanna go?","Brian: I'm rather in the dumpster.","Emmett: So what to you think he was? Who killed him? Do you think they had s*x first?","Brian: I hope so. It's always better you come before you go.","[Emmett laughs, and we can see the bacon bits in his mouth. Debbie is pissed off by Brian's joke, and tosses the plates down.]","Brian: What's wrong with you?","Debbie: That's my question.","[Debbie looks up when she hears Michael asking another customer to sign his petition.]","Michael: Just sign here. We're gonna show them that life is valuable, gay or straight.","Debbie: Well thank goodness somebody running what happens seriously. I'm so proud of you, sweetheart.","Michael: Thanks Ma, you want to sign?","Debbie: Damn right I will. Give me that pen.","[she sees that it's a petition to bring back Captain Astro.]","Debbie: \"Bring Back Captain Astro\"? What the f*ck is this?","Michael: It's a petition that the publisher just bring him back.","Debbie: What is the matter with all of you? A boy was found outside dead! Stuffed in the garbage! Like yesterdays mash potatoes and you making a joke out of it?! Is that how little you think about his life? How little you think about your own? I expected more from you than that. A lot more. [to Michael] Especially from you. I mean when you more cared about a character in a comic book than a human being.","[She storms off. The boys quietly go back to their meals.]","[Up in the attic where Old Lesbian Artifacts and Anvils are hidden in trunks...]","Lindsay: You gonna love it strapless and tie around the waste, so buttons run about the back and small flower applicated.","Mel: What the hell...","Lindsay: What?","Mel: You just say you describing the dress for being arrange for breaking an entery.","Lindsay: I have a key from the front door.","Mel: Well let's find it and get the f*ck out of here before your parents comes home.","Lindsay: I remember it's on an old wooden trunk.","Mel: You're grandmother from a trunk?","Lindsay: My family came over on the Mayflower.","Mel: In my family 'Mayflower' is a movin' van. Oh, look what I found.","Lindsay: That's it. It's gone! Banished.","Mel: The chance your grandmother Faye is a Hudini?","Lindsay: Well she show my that dress when I was a litte girl. She always put it back in here.","Mel: All it's left are these pile papers and these letters. July 28, 1943. \"Dear Faye, what a glorious day lying with you on the shore of Few Beach. Feeling this sun on my back as we both fell asleep. But Harry awesome in the Pacific all is do worried. The only time I feel save is when I'm with you. I'm always Vera.\"","Lindsay: \"I'm always Vera\".","Mel: Vera Carmichael. All of them.","Lindsay: She never mention any Vera. \"December 24, 1943. Dear Faye, I'm sitting here in front of the fire, eating cake and singing Christmas charol on the radio. Like a good housewife waiting for my husband to come home from war. Except it's a lie. I don't belong here all with Harry. I only was to be with you, to talk with you, to be held by you.\"","Mel: \"Be held by you.\" Sounds like a hell of a friend.","Lindsay: Unless she never talked about her. \"Talk with you, to be held by you, kiss you,... to make love with you.\"","Mel: Holy sh1t! Granny Faye was a...","Lindsay: Dyke.","[Schickles Mansion. George plays on the piano.]","Emmett: So Georgy, where shell we've been tonight? There is be a Contest in \"The Eagle\" and \"What Jockstrap you believe look awesome\", uh Nipple Night.","George: All sounds delightfully paste it but perhaps you should go without me.","Emmett: Well, that wouldn't be nearly as much fun. Georgie, you alright?","George: I'm fine, I'm alright, I just tired.","Emmett: Well, you need just your dance legs. What's this? [He finds an invitation on the floor.]","George: Uh, it's an invitation.","Emmett: Uh, it's pretty fance.","George: For the opera gala tonight.","Emmett: The opera. I've never been in the opera. My friend Teddy adores it.","George: You want my tickets?","Emmett: Don't you wanna go?","George: Uh, I've been there in years. Not since I came out.","Emmett: Well maybe it's time to go out.","George: No, it's too difficult, too painful. You know everyone watch me. And besides my wife Virginia guardes the door to the hall like Ceberus.","Emmett: So, what say we and go together?","George: I don't want to talk about her anymore.","Emmett: Sure, but you know what I say if somebody would try to stop me from doin' something I love.","George: f*ck 'em all?","Emmett: You got it, baby.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Cut to Mikey's job, but nobody's working. Brian lights a candle under the cutout of Captain Astro and begins delivering a eulogy.]","Brian: He was a good man, a loving man. Everyone who knew him was moved by his kidness and generossity.","Michael: What the f*ck are you doin'?","Brian: I deliviering a hymne. Same one in fact the priester say at my father's funeral.","Michael: Well, you don't know about Captain Astro.","Brian: As much as the priester know about him.","Michael: Well then you have no right to speak for him. You think it's true?","Brian. What true?","Michael: What my mom said.","Brian: That she know that you a queer when you were 5 years old?","Michael: That I more care about a character in a comic book than I do about a real person.","Brian: So, what if you do?","Michael: Well, some might say my priorities would slightly f*cked up.","Brian: Yeah? But no sh1t. I mean you've known the Captain your entire life, you never laid eyes on dumpster boy until this morning. So how upset you supposed to do? You remembered this retarded Captain Astro club you start in third grade?","Michael: Yeah, you the only one who joined.","Brian: I felt sorry for you.","Michael: Yeah, thanks.","Brian: This lameless T-Shirt with Captain Astro logo you made from the market?","Michael: It rans when you sweet it.","Brian: And that was your youth, Mikey. Captain Astro was your hero. So, you mourn are you f*ckin' one.","[Lesbian Letter-Reading Circle on the attic.]","Lindsay: \"May 8th, 1945. Dear Faye, I'm looking out my window and I see children running down the street. They leaving little flaggs. In the distance I can hear carhorns. I guess it must be true. The day we all hoped and prayed for is finally here. The war is over. But we've lost. Soon Harry would come home. He wrote me that he wants to move to Fresno. Plenty of cheap lands for GIs to built houses and raised their families. I know I said when the time was came I would tell him about us but I can't. Please understand it's not because I don't love you. But I'm not as brave as you. Forgive me, Vera.\" She left Granny and get back to her husband.","Mel: Times are different then. So, it's what women had to do. They had no choice.","[Opera. Emmett is giving George the recap of Aida to make sure he caught everything.]","George: The point of the story is the passion transcent all of the material world.","Emmett: Well then he should go to the cock divice surgery and check out all these hunky slave boys.","[Ted is shocked to see Emmett at the opera.]","Ted: I don't believe it!","Emmett: Hi Teddy.","Ted: Look at you, all spiffed up.","Emmett: Oh yeah, George got it for me. A feel like...","Ted: ...a million bucks.","Emmett: A head waiter.","George: I feel you look very handsome. As to you, Ted.","Ted: Oh, thank you, George.","Emmett: Isn't he a charmer?","George: So, enjoy you the production?","Ted: Well I'm glad I brought these [opera glasses]. From where I'm sitting it looks like singing flee circus.","Emmett: Well that's a shame. We're in the Founders' Box.","George: I hope you join us for a glas champagner.","Ted: Don't mind if I do.","Virginia: George!","George: Virginia!","Virginia: Well, it's been years since you've been here.","George: I know.","Virginia: Your looking well.","George: So are you. Well so allow me to introduce my friends, Emmett, Ted, my former wife Mrs.Hammond.","Ted: Hammond's Hams.","Virginia: That's right.","Ted: I've packed away a lot of your pork.","Virginia: So what prompted you to unexpected emerge from your self-imposed exile?","Emmett: I did. George and I are having a fabulous time. He's a wonderful companion.","Virginia: And how did you meet? Are you his hairdressers, decoreter, pool boy?","Emmett: Actually we're met on the internet. I whack off on his website. I'm the demon dick of dot-com.","Virginia: How fascinate. We must pay you quite handsome.","Emmett: Oh no. No, no. He doesn't pay me at all. I wouldn't take it when he did. The reason I'm with George is he gives spectacular head. A skill I'm certain not learning from you.","[Virginia gives the Rich Lady's Gasp as Emmett pulls Schickle back to the second act.]","Emmett: C'mon, George, we don't miss the second act.","Ted: [to Virginia] How 'bout that Verdi?","[Brian's loft. Brian and Justin are shirtless.]","Justin: You think he knew who killed him?","Brian: Who? Who the f*ck do I know?","Justin: Maybe we know him. Maybe we could f*cked him.","Brian: That'll be hot.","Justin: Like that guy the other night. We didn't know him. We didn't anything about him. He could have done anything to us.","Brian: The first time you came here you didn't know anything about me. And I didn't anything about you.","Justin: I was pretty sure you're gonna f*ck me.","Brian: Then what?","[Brian lowers himself to the bed. There's a pause and then Brian pounces on Justin with some force. Justin's laughing hesitantly, allowing Brian to overpower him, threatening to choke him. ]","Brian: What if...","[Brian licks Justin's torso down to his waist, back up over his nipple and settles on his neck. His other arm pins Justin's right hand to the bed. Brian grabs Justin's neck with both hands.]","Brian: What if...I start strangled you?","[Justin gasps and struggles against Brian's hands, but he's not scared.]","Justin: I rather you choke my with your dick.","Brian: You could have been dead.","Justin: Cut it out.","[Brian sits up.]","Brian: You came here not knowing what gonna happen that's part of the thrill. It's what made you hard. Your hard know just thinking about it. The danger. The excitement.","Justin: [moans] f*ck me!","[George and Emmett are in the back of Schickle's limo.]","George: Don't be so upset. The seal of this opera is their love will live on all eternity.","Emmett: I don't care about them. It's you.","George: Me?","Emmett: I never should have talked to your wife that way. I didn't mean so such a nasty queen. Now thanks to me we are banish from the opera for all eternity.","George: Thanks to you I'm planning to attend every opening this season. Hopfully with my hunky slave boy on my side.","Emmett: You're not angry?","George: Angry? I never saw Virginia open her mouth that wide. Who know maybe if she did, we'd still be together. Oh god, what a revelation you are. In the past few weeks alone than I have in the past... years.","Emmett: So what's the next time you do?","George: Rigoletto.","[Mel and Linds House. Mel's coming downwards.]","Mel: You're coming to bed?","Lindsay: In a minute. There is one more letter.","Mel: It's never been opened. \"Dear Faye. I known it's been years since I written you. Harry died last week. We are married for 50 years. It's a good marriage. We shared my things. But at the funeral I could stop thinking what different my life would have been if... if what? If I had the courage to say yes, to be honest. To express what I truly felt like the time we share the day at the Shore Beach. I've always loved you Faye. And even known it's been a lifetime I want you to know I still to. You're always were and always will be my true love. Vera.\"","Lindsay: March 10th, 1994.","Mel: So?","Lindsay: Granny Faye died in 1992.","Mel: She never got to read it.","Lindsay: Or know that Vera always loved her.","Mel: I'm suddenly in the mood for surf and turf.","Lindsay: You are?","Mel: I said we go for the menu.","Lindsay: It's much money. We could land in the poorhouse.","Mel: It's our special day. Besides Grannie Faye would have wanted us to.","[Michael stands on a rooftop overlooking Babylon. He's depressed. Ben's on the rooftop.]","Ben: Checking out the action?","Michael: Everything is the same. Business as usual.","Ben: What did you expect?","Michael: That things would stopped, or even for one night. That would be a protest or candle light vigil or something.","Ben: They don't think about it. Or gay-bashing or AIDS or getting the other sh1t we all have to live with.","Michael: So we're supposed to go on the same way? Dancing, drinking, doin' drugs, getting dick sucked? He deserves to be remembered. At least for a minute.","Ben: I tell you what. We have our own candle light vigil.","Michael: It's awesome.","Ben: Turn it off. Open that door.","Michael: Any moment anyone of us pick up the wrong guy or get in the wrong plane or step off the curb just as the bus is barelin down the street. You ever get scared?","Ben: Well then I meditate. I do Yoga and excerciece like a vient. I free my mind 30 seconds, it's worth them. I have someone to hold at night helps as well.","[Michael smiles. Ben puts his arm around him.]","[Outside Babylon. Brian has picked up a trick. Justin follows.]","Justin: Hey, where d'you goin'?","Brian: Uh, Tony, Tommy, Timmy here's invited me over to his house to see his stamp collection.","Justin: You're don't even know his name. What's your name?","Tony\/Tommy\/Timmy: What's it to you?","Justin: [to Brian] C'mon, let's go home.","Brian: Are you scarin' I got murdered?","Justin: Brian, please!","Brian: It's never been a hard time to f*ck a stranger.","Tony\/Tommy\/Timmy: Hey, we're young?","Brian: I'll be alright.","[Brian and TommyTonyTimmy walk into pink fog very slowly as Chemical Brothers blast # Song Out Of Control]"],"Show Title":"Queer As Folk","Episode Number":"02x10","Episode Title":"Priorities, Please! (Beat the Time)","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Queer_As_Folk_04x04.json","Recap":["Brian turns to Ted for help with his new agency. Justin and Cody take the Pink Posse to a violent level. Melanie struggles to separate personal feelings from her professional responsibility as a lawyer when a case is taken away from her. The social worker's visit to Michael and Ben's doesn't quite go as planned."],"Transcript":["[This Old Bath House has undergone a remarkable transformation, thanks to Brian's interior designer gay genes and amazing superpowers. A few finishing touches are still being applied, but Kinnetic is up and running in its new space. Justin is impressed - and amused.]","Justin: The last time I was here, it was No Towels Night.","Brian: And a hundred guys wanted to touch my stiffie.","Justin: Mr. Popular! And I'm the only one you f*cked.","Brian: Lucky you.","[They pass a worker who appears to be hanging wallpaper or doing something to the walls, anyway.]","Brian: It's a nice work, Tommy.","Tommy: Thanks, Mr.Kinney","Justin: Leave it to you to turn a bath house into the worldwide headquarters of Kinnetic, Inc.","[They enter the inner sanctum of Brian's office, which strikes a familiar chord]","Justin: (laughs) The old steam room. It's the first place we ever f*cked in public.","Brian: Nothing like performing in front of a live audience.","Justin: Who said some of those guys were alive?","[Cynthia comes in with an ad mock-up for approval.]","Cynthia: The add design want to know they see the mark-ups. Hi, Justin.","Brian: Yeah, can you tell Manner he can use the 300 dph and shoot at me back to my approveal fast. Deadline is six.","Cynthia: Also Brown Athletics called and ask to meet. Said they hate what Vanguard did with them account.","Brian: Yeah, wonder why. Tell them I have a meeting and I call them tomorrow?","Cynthia: Oh, and your accountant left a message. The check for the Endovir ad will definitely be wired to Heat Magazine by the end of the business day tomorrow.","Brian: It better be. Our lives are depending on it. Well? Move!","Cynthia: God! (To Justin as she leaves) I love my job.","Justin: I love it when you get bossy.","Brian: Well, what do you say we christen my new office? I have fifteen minutes before I have to approve ad copy.","Justin: Always the romantic! But I have a strategy meeting with the Posse.","[He kisses Brian and leaves.]","[Michael, Ben and Hunter are sitting at the counter in the diner. Michael is reading aloud from the foster parent application.]","Michael: \"In a brief paragraph, explain why you want to become foster parents.\" Sounds like an assignment for you, Professor.","Ben: How about we want to give a child the love and support he needs to help him fulfill his dreams and achieve his goals?","Hunter: I happen to be eating! Don't make me puke.","Ben: It may not win a Pulitzer Prize, but I think it says it all.","Michael: Oh, sh1t, look at this! It says Social Services may drop by for a visit at any time, unannounced.","Ben: What can they do? We've got nothing to hide.","Hunter: Except for that double-headed dildo.","Michael: Hey! Any dildo we might have is hidden away where no one can find it.","Hunter: Wanna bet?","Michael: Listen smart-ass. From now on there will be no more lewd comments. There will be no more sexual innuendo.","Hunter: So much for conversation.","[It's Emmett, looking a little worse for the wear, with last night's trick.]","Emmett: Hello, men! And (to Hunter) little men!","Michael: You look exhausted!","Ben: You out clubbing all night?","Emmett: Well, ever since I moved in with my favorite lesbians, I'm trying to be a model houseguest. The trouble is, I have no place to \"entertain\"!","Hunter: Doorways are always good. So are back alleys, under parked trucks -","[Michael gives him a look.]","Hunter: I used to f*ck for a living, remember?","Emmett: Right! Well, expert professional tips are always welcome! However, we elected to try the cemetery. Didn't we, Gordon?","Trick: Jordan.","Emmett: Jordan. It's actually kind of erotic in a creepy, macabre sort of way.","[Enter Debbie, carrying a basket of laundry which she plunks down on the counter.]","Debbie: Here is your laundry, boys! I don't name any names but I had a hell to left skidmarks on his size 28 tighty whities.]","Hunter: Christ!","[He exits in a state of acute embarrassment.]","Michael: Ma, I told you, you didn't have to do this!","Debbie: I know I didn't have to do this. I wanted to do it. Just like I wanted to make you dinner!","Michael: For the last three nights.","Debbie: And grout your tiles.","Ben: It took you two days.","Debbie: You got a problem with that, do you, Ben?","Ben: No, Debbie! No problem at all. We love having you around.","Debbie: Good. Because I love being with my boys.","[Debbie eyes land on Emmett, who's now sitting at a booth with Gordon\/Jordan.]","Debbie: Say, Em, honey? You wanna take those off, cause I can wash those grass stains off in a jiff.","[She's referring to the stains on the knees of Emmett's jeans from last night's romp in the cemetery.]","[It's at a gym. This is a funky place where boxers go to train. Cody and Justin are in the ring. Cody demonstrates a few sparring moves, then watches Justin's attempt to imitate them.]","Cody: Not bad! Now if you want to really take down the m*therf*cker, grab him like this (grabs Justin around the neck, bringing him down to the floor) - choke the sh1t out of him and kick him in the balls! OK, who's next?","[The other members of the Posse don't like where this is headed.]","Boy#1: I thought we were supposed to be protecting people.","Boy#2: Not train to become an elite killing squad.","Cody: We're ably to stop trouble before it starts.","Justin: Find them before they find us.","Boy#3: I'm not goin' out and kicking fights!","Boy#4: It's not what I'm sign up to do.","Girl#1: This is f*cked.","Cody: What's f*cked is waiting around for someone else to get bashed. We need to stick up with them. So, I show you the way.","Boy#3: Show long yourself.","Justin: Cody's right. We can't sit around and wait for something to happen. If we wanted to be affective we have to take the initiative.","[The Pink Posse is now down to just two members.]","Cody: f*ckin' pussies! Let them go. Who needs them anyway. C'mon.","[Mel & Lindz are in the kitchen with a mousy-looking lesbian couple who Melanie's representing in a custody battle.]","Jeanette: How old is Gus now?","Lindsay: How about three.","Jeanette: Wow.","Anna: Same age is Garreth before they gave them to my ex-husband. Damn.","[She starts to cry.]","Jeanette: It's alright, honey.","Anna: God, I hate when I cry, don't you?","Mel: There've been a lot of changes in the law since that decision.","Lindsay: Not to mention in the world.","Mel: It also doesn't hurt that the judge who's hearing your appeal has a gay-friendly track record.","Lindsay: And that you have a brilliant lawyer.","Jeanette: You don't have to tell us.","Anne: I couldn't be done without you.","Lindsay: Dinner's ready. So let's eat.","[It's dinnertime at the Novotny-Bruckner household. Michael is stressing over the impending social worker visit.]","Ben: I thoughed we're eating and not re-decorate all by flowers.","Michael: I think it's obsessive. You're obviously dominate. So, what is such earth the beautify?","Ben: Michael, it says the social worker may, I repeat may show up.","Michael: Who said we're that lucky. Like Mel said, gay parents have to be better than straight parents.","Ben: Well, I think your worry, concern and obsessive- compulsiveness are totally neurotic. You're adorable. I say let's just be ourselves. It's good enough.","[They kiss. Just then Hunter strolls into the living room, clad only in his tighty whities.]","Hunter: Careful! You want the social worker to come here and see two homos kissing?","Michael: Would you put on some clothes?","[Ignoring him, Hunter grabs some juice from the fridge, swigging directly from the carton.]","Michael: And use a glass - !","Hunter: Dude, you need to take a chill pill.","[Hunter plops down on the couch.]","Michael: I just fluffed those pillows!","[There's a knock at the door. Michael freezes.]","Michael: Get on the sofa and get some clothes! Now!","[He does and goes in his room.]","Ben: Everything looks great, just calm down. Hysteria isn't gonna help.","[He pulls open the door. Deb breezes in, holding a tray of food.]","Debbie: It's cannelloni night!","[Michael and Ben appear to be paralyzed by shock. ]","Debbie: I paced around and you two are the lucky receivers.","Michael: Ma!","Debbie: [to Ben] You wanna warm this up?","Ben: Debbie, I already made dinner. Soilor with mushrooms and fruits.","Debbie: Uh-huh. So, you wanna warm this up?","Michael: Ma, please not tonight.","Debbie: Why don't tonight?","Hunter: [all clothes] I thoughed you were a social worker!","Debbie: Honey, I'm the social director! So come on in and sit down. [she sneeze by the flowers] Take this fuckin flowers away, honey.","[Under the orange lights, Justin gives Brian a blowjob. Brian holds his hand, dragging it up the length of his body. Afterwards, they kiss. Brian rolls on top of Justin. Then Justin rolls on top of Brian.]","Justin: Tonight it's your turn.","Brian: (laughs) That's what you think.","[They wrestle a little. It's playful - at least on Brian's side. So he's unprepared for Justin's next move.]","Justin: Tell you what. We'll fight for it.","[Justin gets out of bed.]","Justin: C'mon.","Brian: Get your ass back into bed.","Justin: Why don't you get yours out? What's the matter? You scared?","Brian: Yeah, I'm incapacitated with fear.","Justin: Then what're you waiting for?","[Brian gets out of bed and Justin starts right in with his sparring moves.]","Brian: Where'd you learn to fight?","Justin: Cody taught me. The other night I took out a straight guy.","Brian: I've taken out a couple of those myself. Hey, watch the face, asshole!","Justin: C'mon, old man.","Brian: What'd you call me?","Justin: You heard me. Geezer!","[They each get in a shot to the face. Painful, but no damage. They move into the living room. They're both still naked. As far as Brian's concerned, the \"fight\" is over.]","Brian: Careful, sonny. You're gonna get hurt.","[He puts his arm around Justin's neck. Justin pulls him down to the floor where they start wrestling.]","Justin: I don't care if I get hurt, as long as I hurt them more.","Brian: They're not all assholes.","Justin: That's a laugh coming from you, you're the biggest f*cking heterophobe of all time. You always said there's only two kinds of straight people in the world, the ones that hate you to your face and the kind that hates you behind your back. You know what?","Brian: What?","Justin: You were right.","[Back to the Land of the Boring Lesbians. Melanie is burning the midnight oil, working on her big case. Lindsay comes in to give her a little pep talk.]","Mel: I know, I promised. I'll get back.","Lindsay: Did I say anything?","Mel: You don't have to. I'll stop.","[She closes her book. Lindsay goes in front of her and open the book.]","Lindsay: I feel so sorry for Jeanette. All I can think of was \"Thank God it's not us.\". And how lucky they are. To have you to speach up with. If Michael and Justin should create a superwoman character based on you.","Mel: Dino Dyke?","Lindsay: Not bad.","Mel: Unfortunately this case doesn't need any superpower just long hard hours.","Lindsay: I wish I could help.","Mel: You already have. More than you know.","[Lindz yawn just when Mel was kissing her.]","Mel: See? I should press my superpowers.","Lindsay: No, no, no, it's not you. It's late.","Mel: Why you went to bed?","[At the comic store, Emmett tells Mikey his tale of woe:]","Emmett: Well, first we went to the bath. Then somehow we go to the Matrix, what isn't exactly romantic. So finally we went home to his mother. And I went home to Mel and Lindz.","Michael: Maybe you find your own place.","[Vic enters the shop.]","Vic: You have any ideas how hard it is to find quer legs in the town? I went to three markets.","Michael: You're looking great, Uncle Vic.","Vic: Must be that anti-aging cream. In a couple of years, I'll be ready for high school.","Michael: I was referring to an inner glow.","Vic: Oh, Michael, to finally be alone with the man you love - ? What am I telling you for? You know!","Michael: Yeah, I know. To finally be alone with the man you love, the mother you love -","Vic: Oh, no!","Michael: I didn't realize what a tremendous debt I owe you for taking a bullet for me all these years.","Vic: If only I'd known, I never would' ve left.","Michael: No, you did the right thing. This is not your problem, it's mine. She's my mother and I have to explain to her that as much as I love her, there have to be boundaries.","Vic: You're going to need more than boundaries with your mother. You're going to need a border patrol.","[Cut to Cody and Justin at a bookstore where Cody apparently works.]","Cody: When you read this? [to shows him a book]","Justin: When I was nine.","Cody: Yeah, then try it again. Especially the part when Hook freeze Jim from slavery. He knows he's goining against every society and religion methotic. They could beat them out the hell. He doesn't care. You gonna bail too?","Justin: f*ck, no! Except maybe we went a little too far the other night.","Cody: That guy was a raging asshole. He deserved to get the sh1t beat out of him.","Justin: I don't know. When I told Brian, he kind of -","Cody: What the f*ck are you telling other people for? The posse business stays between us!","Justin: Come ON. Brian's my boyfriend. And he thinks what we're doing is crazy.","Cody: Crazy. You wanna see crazy?","[Cut to Cody and Justin at a church service. The preacher is ranting about the evils of homosexuality. In fact, it seems to be the entire subject of the sermon.]","Minister: A man who lays with a men will burn in hell. \"I should not lies with men-kind as with woman- kind. It is a abomination.\" I didn't think this up, folks. This is gods holy word. And if you here tonight, guilty of the sin of homosexual then you are on the brought, winding road that lead to eternal domination!","Community: Amen!","Justin: [whispers to Cody] This is go on every night?","Cody: [whispers back] Just Wednesday and Sunday.","Justin: I can't believe you come here.","Cody: No line enemy.","Justin: Sounds like the bible.","Cody: It's in front of mind.","[A woman sshh them.]","Minister: ...because Jesus loves you, my children. And Jesus can change you!","woman#1: Oh yes, he can!","Minister: It's all right here in God's holy word.","woman#1: Praise Jesus!","[As Cody and Justin leave, the minister speaks to them.]","Woman#2: Your sermon was an inspiration, pastor.","Minister: With God, Laurie. He spoke right through me tonight. So good to have you young men to service tonight.","Justin: [sarcastic] It was very inspiring.","Minister: Thank god to glorie.","Cody: Mind if I ask you a few question, pastor?","Minister: Please.","Cody: This book. We have to believe all of this? Not just something, right?","Minister: That's right.","Cody: So, do you like shrimp?","Minister: Well as a matter of fact, I do.","Cody: Because in the Bible before it comes with men lies with men it also comes it's an abomination to eat shellfish and shrimp.","Minister: What's your point, young man?","Cody: I believe the point is, if you can eat shrimp, we can eat cock!","Minister: Son, you need the Lord. You need to accept Jesus.","Cody: Oh, I accept Jesus. It's assholes like you I have a problem with!","[Cody goes with Justin hand in hand away.]","[Cut to Brian and Michael playing pool at Woody's. Brian is talking on his cellphone.]","Brian: I want the four court comes on my desk next thing in the morning. A conference at ten so that he can sign off. [he hangs up] When it's your own business, the sign on the door says, \"We never close.\" Come to think of it, that's what it used to say on the old bath house door. It's your shot.","[Michael makes a bad shot.]","Michael: sh1t!","Brian: Off your game?","Michael: Waiting for the social worker to arrive is making me nuts!","Brian: You've got nothing to worry about. You and the Professor are the world's greatest foster parents.","Michael: Thanks, Brian!","Brian: Besides, who else'd want the little fucker?","[Enter Emmett, with trick du nuit in tow.]","Emmett: Michael, Brian, this is Cant.","Trick#2: Trent.","Emmett: Trent. Uh, would you excuse us. I'll be with you in a second. Brian, I'm just kind of a spot. See, Trent, uh Kent is this really interesting person and it's very deep.","Brian: I'll bet.","Emmett: And I was wondering, and I know it's a really huge favor for making me eternial grateful if I could use your place just for an hour?","[Brian gives him a stony stare. Emmett wavers.]","Emmett: Half an hour? Ten minutes, tops?","[Brian says nothing.]","Emmett: Well, don't about us. We'll be fine.","[Brian's cellphone rings again.]","Brian: What's up? What do you mean it didn't get there? There was a transferred this morning. Well, call Wertshafter and tell him... WHAT?! sh1t. f*ck!","Michael: Good news, dear?","Brian: My goddam accountant was supposed to wire the money for the Endovir ads to Heat but it never arrived.","Michael: Call him in the morning and have him straighten it out.","Brian: They're out of the office till Monday and the deadline's tomorrow night. I'm gonna lose my one big account. I'm gonna get so f*cked!","Guy: [passing by] You and me both, honey!","Michael: Wait a minute. Wertshafter's your accountant? You know who used to work for Wertshafter?","[Ted's speaking at a 12-step meeting.]","Ted: I'm Ted, I'm a crystal meth addict - This is my sixth week of recovery. I'll guess it all start it when I was struckling with feeling worthless, depression, no-where to go one, so in the moment of sphere I decided to try with...","[Brian strides up to the podium and interrupts him.]","Brian: C'mon. I need you.","Ted: Jesus, Brian, can't you see I'm sharing?","Brian: (to the audience) It's nothing you haven't heard before. Did drugs, f*cked around, hit bottom, regrets it deeply. Let's go.","[Ignoring Ted's protests, Brian just drags him off the podium and out of the meeting.]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Cut to Kinnetic's offices.]","Ted: How could you do that? The rule is you never interrupt someone when they're sharing!","Brian: It's not my club, not my rules.","Ted: You are un-fucking-believable!","[He stops and looks around.]","Ted: Why do I feel like I've been here before?","Brian: Drop to your knees and imagine a cock in your mouth. It'll come to you.","[He nudges Ted over to the computer and forcibly sits him down in front of it.]","Brian: Here's the deal. My idiot accountant - the same dick that fired your ass for jacking off at your computer -","Ted: Wertshafter?","Brian: - was supposed to transfer 20 grand from my account into Heat Magazine's account but they f*cked it up.","Ted: That's no surprise. But what do you want me to do about it?","Brian: Find it. And fix it. And get it to them by midnight.","Ted: By midnight.","Brian: Or sooner.","Ted: Simple request. Only I can't do it. I'm out of shape. I haven't crunched a number in years! And besides, I'm a singer now.","Brian: Listen to me! Are you listening? You may be a pathetic drug addict who lost everything, your dignity, your livelihood, your lover, your name, the respect and trust of everyone you know -","Ted: No one gives a pep talk like you, Brian!","Brian: But there's one thing you haven't lost. You're still an accountant! That's who you are! Not even the lowest form of degradation can take that away from you. Now. Let's live in the solution, not the problem!","[Melanie arrives at the office.]","Mel: Sorry, I'm late. I was in the doctor's office because every woman in Pittsburgh's pregnant.","Larry: Melanie, I have some news.","Mel: I'll was up all night to finish my final recogment.","Larry: First will you hear the newest news?","Mel: Sure, Larry, what's up?","Larry: The replace judge Rilly to another case.","Mel: With whom?","Larry: Judge Randal Walker.","Mel: Isn't he the one who help the firing a back allay elementry teacher?","Larry: That's our boy.","Mel: That's to bad.","Larry: You have to redocument...","Mel: It doesn't mean we don't have a chance. Except we have to rework our argument. Beside my clients have trust in me. I have no intention to let her down.","[After dinner, Michael, Ben and Hunter doze in front of the TV while Debbie watches the movie, totally enthralled.]","Debbie: I just love Some Like It Hot! I could watch it over and over and over!","Michael: We have!","Debbie: So who's up for All About Eve?","Ben: I have some writing I need to finish.","Michael: And Hunter has homework.","Hunter: I don't mind!","Debbie: There's always time for Bette Davis!","Hunter: Who's Bette Davis?","Debbie: Who's Bette Davis? This kid needs a real education.","Michael: Homopiece Theatre's over for this evening. (To Hunter) Go on.","[He clicks off the TV.]","Debbie: Alright, you boys go whatever it is you need to do. I'll just sit here and play solitaire.","[Michael and Ben exchange looks.]","Michael: Ma, Uncle Vic and I were talking...","Debbie: You and Vic?","Michael: All about you. And I know you must feel lonely because he's gone but you can't keep coming over here. You gotta find something to do on your own. You know, have friends of your own.","Debbie: Well, I'm so glad that you and my brother know how I feel and what I'll should be doin'.","Ben: It's not that they brought in your horizones.","Debbie: I brought enough, thanks!","Ben: Debbie, it wasn't a critizied.","Debbie: Well, it sound it like one.","Michael: Don't take it out on Ben. It's just a suggestion.","Debbie: Well fine, I'll make one for you. MYOB. You got a helluva nerve, you know? After I do your laundry and I make your dinner -","Michael: You wanna spray for termites too?","Debbie: Don't you open your mouth to me, young man! And you're not so young. You're old enough to show me a little respect.","Michael: I do show respect!","Debbie: By telling your own mother that she's not welcome in your house?","Michael: I never said that.","Ben: He never said that!","Debbie: \"You can't keep coming over here?\" How'd you like if I said that to you? \"Get out of my house!\" There were plenty of times when I wanted to do it, when I could have used a little peace and quiet.","[Hunter comes out of his room, wearing just his undies.]","Hunter: Hey, can you keep it down? I'm trying to do my homework.","Ben: C'mon, you two!","Debbie: Keep the f*ck out of this!","[Somebody knocks on the door.]","Debbie: But I didn't do it because a mother's love knows no bounds!","Michael: Well, I wish it would!","Debbie: So what? You want to have one of those mothers who doesn't give a crap?","Michael: Well, I can dream, can't I?","[Hunter goes to answer it, in his underwear. It's the social worker.]","Ms.Simmons: I'm Constance Simmons from the social services. I want to speak to Mr.Bruckner and Mr.Novotny.","Hunter: Oh, sh1t! Come in.","Debbie: Maybe you don't f*cking remember that I raised you all by myself! I haven't no f*cking help from everyone!","Michael: How can I'm not f*cking remember? You never let me f*cking forget?!","Hunter: Guys, that's Mr.Bruckner and that's Mr.Novotny. This is the lady from social services.","[At Kinnetic, Ted keys in password after password. Nothing works.]","Ted: Let's try this... nope. OK, let's try this... Nope. sh1t, I don't know how to get in this goddamn system!","Brian: You have to. You're f*cking worked there!","[Brian's cell phone rings.]","Brian: Hello. Yeah, the money's being transfer as we speek. Is good as there. [he hangs up]","Ted: No, it's not!","Brian: You want make a liar out of me?","Ted: Look, I'm not supposed to put some stress in my life. My programms specific takes...","Brian: Divine you accomplishment and got it.","Ted: Let's see, the last password that he used was his daughter birthday 091574. [Error] Then was his wifes 112146. [Error] Therefore was his mothers 062833. [Error]","Brian: You remember all what I didn't remember.","Ted: Wait, wait, wait. He has a grand-daughter. It's valentines date 2001. I remember until I didn't have a date. 021401. Oh my god, we're in.","[Obviously, Emmett's going to have to get his own place. He brings his trick back to his room at Lindz & Mel's. This is against the rules they agreed on and it's also loud enough to wake up Mel and Lindz. They have s*x in his room and when they come his trick howling so loud that even Mel and Lindz are wake up.]","[At Kinnetic, Brian and Ted smoke post-money-transfer cigarettes.]","Brian: You were f*cking amazing.","Ted: Yeah, I was pretty good, wasn't I?","Brian: It was genius, sheer genius.","Ted: Nothing that a conscientious accountant with a knowledge of the system couldn't have done.","Brian: It was YOU, Theodore Schmidt. You did it. And you can keep on doing it starting Monday morning.","[Ted's stunned.]","Ted: Are you sayin'?","Brian: Will you work for me?","Ted: Jesus, Brian, I never dreamed that you, of all people, would ask me, of all people -","Brian: That makes two of us.","Ted: I can't tell you how much your offer means to me.","Brian: Then don't. Just say yes.","Ted: I...","Brian: ...will?","Ted: I...","Brian: ...accept?","Ted: I...can't. I'm not ready. I'm sorry.","[The morning after the noisy f*ck, Emmett comes down to breakfast looking a little sheepish.]","Lindsay: Hot milk?","Emmett: No, thanks. I'm not hungry.","Lindsay: A donut?","Emmett: Alright, you have me.","Lindsay: So, how you sleep?","Emmett: Like a baby. You?","Lindsay: Great, exept for this terrible howling...","Emmett: What I can explain.","Lindsay: No need. We've heard, loud and clear.","Emmett: Believe me I had no idea I brought home wolfman.","Lindsay: I thoughed we've made an agreement.","Emmett: And I broke it. It's monsun and... [she looks at him] OK, no excuse. I'll promise I never do it again.","Lindsay: I hope you do it again just not here.","Emmett: The problem is where?","Lindsay: The solution is pretty simple? Don't you think?","Emmett: My own place. It's that I'm never lived alone before. After I left Hazelhurst I came up here and then Michael and Teddy and now you're and Mel.","Lindsay: So maybe it's time. Who knows maybe you find someone you like it. Be able to come and go.","Emmett: And come.","Lindsay: As you please.","[Mel's workplace. Jeanette and Anna are there]","Jeanette: Mel says it's gonna be alright. It's gonna be alright?","Anna: But after what you told us about the new judge?","Mel: Look there is no denying that we have an additional hearing to come. But it's not impossible. Besides you knows as well as I do no victory comes easily.","Anna: Thank you, Mel.","Mel: We're gonna get through this.","Larry: Sorry for interrupted. You have a minute?","Mel: Would you excuse me?","[Once they're alone he speaks up.]","Larry: Would you please listen what I have to say?","Mel: I heard what you had to say! And the answer is no f*cking way!","Larry: You read Readworkers records. He's in the dark ages.","Mel: Then we must enlighting him!","Larry: You know goddamn well what I'm saying is best for the case and for the client.","Mel: YOU taking over.","Larry: At least I'm someone he can realte to.","Mel: A straight white male lawyer.","Larry: No, we have an unfriendly judge and a gay mother and look who's defending her? A pregnant lesbian.","Mel: Exactly. Who knows better what she's goin' through then I do?","Larry: It doesn't mean you're the one who say it! Right now we can't afford to take that risk.","Mel: Oh all of a sudden I'm a risk. If you think I worked day and night for month pull my guts into this case only to see it take away by one of the little boys...","Larry: I'm not tryin' to take it away from you. This will be still your case. You're work will still be there, you will still be there.","Mel: Sitting behind you. Sorry Larry, no way. And given the confidence and support my clients there is no way to allowed that either.","[Cut to Ted at Rigoletto's. Ted's finished his sing from an opera. He has an epiphany when a group of old biddies want separate checks.]","Waitress: I understand but you should requested several checks before you place the order.","Woman#1: I want to see the manager.","Ted: I apply this. Who had the lasagne?","Woman#2: I did and I had a glass of cieanti.","Woman#3: Make that two.","Woman#2: She only had one. And Ida, she's the birthday person.","Ted: Oh, happy birthday.","Ida: Oh, how sweet, dear. Thank you.","Woman#3: She had the campy and the ice tea.","Woman#2: And we all get a salat.","Ted: OK, so that $14,73 for you include taxes. And who had the peal pharma?","Woman#2: Me do.","Ted: OK, you're five with the birthday group so your grand total is $ 18,45 and the other lady brings it to $13,63","[All ladies applauds him.]","Waitress: How you do that?","Woman#2: You've got a nice voice, young man, but if you ask me, you should've been an accountant. It's in your blood.","[Back to Ben and Michael. Michael's despondent. After what happened the other night, he's convinced they don't stand a chance of being approved as foster parents.]","Michael: Well, it was nice while it lasted.","Ben: We don't know anything for certain.","Michael: Yeah, we do. The look on Ms. Simmons' face said it all: Get that kid away from those crazy people immediately!","[Hunter calls over from the couch.]","Hunter: You guys don't have to whisper. I have 20-20 hearing.","[Nobody answers.]","Hunter: Think she'll take me with her tonight?","Ben: They can't do that.","Michael: They can do anything they damn well please!","[There's a knock on the door.]","Ben: Getting more upset didn't help.","Michael: Right. I'll get upset.","[Ben gets it. It's Debbie, looking contrite and subdued.]","Debbie: Hey, Ben.","Michael: Jesus, mom...","Debbie: You wanna slam the door on my face, I'll understand.","Michael: Good.","[Michael's inclined to do that but Ben intervenes and tries to play peacemaker.]","Ben: Hey. Come in, Debbie.","Debbie: If I've done anything to f*ck up your chances for keeping that kid, I will never forgive myself.","Michael: That'll make two of us!","Ben: There is not only your fault. The things got...","[There's another knock on the door. Yep - Ms. Simmons is back.]","Ms.Simmons: Hello Mr.Bruckner. Mr.Novotny. Mrs.Novotny what a surprise.","Debbie: Hopefully not as much as last time.","Michael: Ms. Simmons, I know when you were here the other night, it didn't look like Hunter belonged here, but I want you to know how much Ben and I care about him. And we know we'd be very good foster parents if you'd just give us a chance.","Ms. Simmons: I agree. With all due respect, I have a mother, too. We're always going at each other, but that doesn't mean we don't love each other. In fact, we wouldn't fight so much if we didn't. So when I come across what I saw here, I know what it is. Because it's not something I see very often. It's called love.","[Kinnetic. Brian at his desk late at night, with his sleeves rolled up, doing paperwork. Ted the singing accountant are there.]","Ted: I see long hard hours in the old steam room.","Brian: Well, I like to.","Ted: Doing your own books, I see.","Brian: It's someone I can trust.","Ted: Look, Brian, I've reconsidered your offer and if the position - make that, opportunity - is still available, I'd like to take you up on it.","Brian: What made you change your mind?","Ted: Ida Friedman's 80th birthday. And the obvious but nonetheless belated realization that my true calling is not to mutilate some opera beside pasta. But as you said, to be what I truly am. An accountant.","Brian: You can start first thing Monday morning.","Ted: I'll be here, boss.","[He starts to leave. Brian looks up from his work.]","Brian: Oh, and Theodore, if you f*ck up, I'll have you murdered.","[Ted starts to laugh, then stops when he realizes that Brian isn't kidding.]","[Justin and Cody are prowling the streets, stopping trouble before it starts. They approach a building, maybe a club or something, with some people hanging out in front. A guy and a girl start macking on each other. Justin and Cody position themselves next to the couple and start sucking face. The girl looks over.]","Girl: Uh, it's disgusting.","Justin: You mean this?","[They make out some more.]","Guy: f*cking freaks. C'mon.","[He and the girl head for their car which is parked in a nearby alley. Cody and Justin follow.]","Cody: Hey, asshole! You and your bitch are freaks.","Guy: f*ck you, faggot.","[Cody picks a fight with the guy, who shoves him. They scuffle and then the guy pulls out a knife.]","Guy: You wanna mess with me? Huh? Huh?","[Justin freaks. Cody pulls out a gun. Justin really freaks.]","Cody: Yeah, we wanna mess with you. Drop the knife. Drop-the- fucking-knife!","Guy: Please, men.","Cody: Don't say please! Say you're sorry. Say \"I'm so very sorry.\"","Guy: I'm so very sorry.","Cody: Yeah, you bet you are. You straight piece of sh1t! Now politely excuse yourself.","[He lets the couple get in their car and drive away. They ran away.]","Cody: I said politly!","[Cody and Justin escape to yet another alley.]","Justin: Where the f*ck did you get a gun?","Cody: Where I grew up, everyone had one.","Justin: You could have killed him.","[Cody pulls the trigger, which clicks harmlessly. It's not loaded. Justin looks somewhat relieved.]","Cody: It was just meant to scare them.","Justin: Yeah, well, it worked. It scared the sh1t out of me. I've never even held a gun before.","[Cody hands him the gun.]","Cody: Go on.","Justin: It's heavier than I thought. It's cold.","Cody: It'll heat up. [Justin smiles and think that Brian used the same sentence on his first meeting] Does it make you hard?","Justin: Maybe.","Cody: The same thing happened to me my first time.","[Cody gives Justin a hand job with one hand, while holding the gun in the other. Black screen.]"],"Show Title":"Queer As Folk","Episode Number":"04x04","Episode Title":"Escalating Violence","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Reign_01x08.json","Recap":["News arrives that the Queen of England is dying and has not yet named her heir. King Henry announces that it's time for Queen Mary and Prince Francis to finally wed, because Mary is a strong claimant to the English throne and King Henry wants to take England for France. Queen Catherine tells Queen Mary about Nostradamus' prophetic vision that her marriage will cost Prince Francis his life, asking her to leave him for his sake. Queen Mary confronts Nostradamus, who adds that one of her devoted ladies will die soon. Queen Catherine learns through Kenna of Lady Diane's plot to legitimize Bash. Furious, Queen Catherine blackmails Lady Diane, with the order her to poison Kenna and leave King Henry for good. Lady Diane refuses to poison Kenna but leaves the castle. Clarissa poisons Aylee and pushes her down the stairs, killing her in order to make Queen Mary believe Nostradamus's prophecy of misfortune and death. Queen Mary declares she will not claim the English throne instead of her second cousin Princess Elizabeth Tudor , and flees the castle with Bash."],"Transcript":["IN FRANCIS' CHAMBERS:","(Francis and Mary wake up in each other's arms, with the sun streaming through the window. Francis lies awake, stroking Mary's bare arm)","MARY (rubbing the sleepiness out of her eyes): It's morning.","FRANCIS: I know.","(Mary freaks out a bit, but Francis tries to calm her nerves)","FRANCIS: If the servants are gossiping about your unmade bed, it is too late to rectify the situation.","(Francis starts kissing Mary all over and she giggles loudly)","MARY: Do you think we're being too reckless?","FRANCIS: I'm yours. You're mine. I hope you're pregnant.","MARY: Francis!","FRANCIS: It would force the wedding sooner. How could my father argue it?","MARY: You don't think what we're doing is wrong? As we are not wed yet?","FRANCIS: After we rule for a great long while, and we leave France and Scotland to our children, and our grandchildren and our great grandchildren, and we meet our maker, you can ask him yourself.","(The pair start kissing again and sink back into the bed until they hear a knock at the door, which causes them to cover themselves with their blanket)","MESSENGER: Forgive me, but there's word for you; from the Holy See.","FRANCIS: The Pope?","MESSENGER: The cardinal from the Vatican is in the throne room.","(The messenger bows and leaves, leaving Francis and Mary alone again)","FRANCIS: Or you could ask him now.","(They laugh and pull the covers back up over their heads)","FRANCIS: As the word of God is back at court.","IN THE KING'S CHAMBERS:","(The King has returned to court after the heist of the castle, that saw Kenna beat up, Mary almost raped, Francis almost kiddnapped, and several dozen men dead)","KENNA: You can be honest. I'd gladly trade pain for respect.","KING HENRY: Aren't you in enough pain?","KENNA: Aren't I, seeing you like this? You've barely been by my side.","KING HENRY: You need to rest.","KENNA: ... 'Cause you've been with her.","(Kenna is speaking of Dianne, the King's first mistress)","KING HENRY: Kenna, please.","KENNA: I hear the rumors. I ask the servants. Diane's been seen in your room.","KING HENRY: She gives me counsel. She's my friend. Can we please forget about Diane?","KENNA: Can you? Henry.","(The King is very agitated with Kenna. He looks away from her, hoping she'll drop it)","KENNA: Henry, please look at me. Tell me the truth. Tell me that you love me.","KING HENRY: I can't let her go. I'm sorry. You wanted honesty. I came back to the horrors of this attack. A stranger with an old vendetta who came to destroy my line.","KENNA (raising her voice): They came for your sons, but they attacked me... because of my association to you. Because you made me your mistress. I nearly died because of you, and you choose this moment to tell me that you want her?","KING HENRY: I don't know if she's a habit, or a crutch, but I need her.","KENNA: I've given you everything: my virtue. I'm... I'm.. destroyed.","(Tears stream down Kenna's face)","KING HENRY: Oh, that's simply not true. Kenna, when we started this, you knew I had a wife and a mistress. Perhaps it was overreaching on both our parts to assume that I was capable of... exclusivity.","KENNA: So, this is it? You're through with me?","KING HENRY: That's not what I'm saying at all. We can continue. But if you ask me again to choose between you and Diane, I'll choose Diane.","ELSEWHERE IN THE CASTLE:","(The whole lot of people at court have all gathered. Bash finds his mother and pulls her aside)","BASH: Does the cardinal's visit have anything to do with you? .. With your plans for me?","DIANE: No. I would know in advance, and the communications have taken place in the utmost secrecy. Legitimization takes time.","BASH: I don't want my brother's job.","DIANE: Even if the job gets you the woman you want?","(Francis and Mary begin walking down the same corrider)","PERSON 1 (to Mary): Your Majesty.","PERSON 2 (bowing): Your Majesty.","(Diane sees Bash watching Mary)","DIANE: She may care for Francis, but Mary will wed the next king of France.","BASH: That's no way to win a woman.","DIANE: It worked for him. Why not you?","(All of the people start to congregate in the throne room, where Henry and Catherine are preparing to propose a toast)","KING HENRY (to the crowd): God bless us all.","(The King takes the Queen by the hand, with the cup in the other)","KING HENRY: There is news sent to us by Cardinal Tesson, the papal emissary. In England, the Tudor queen is dying.","(The room erupts in murmurs)","CARDINAL TESSON: While she has not named her successor...","(King Henry cuts the Cardinal off and finishes the sentiment)","KING HENRY: many suspect, and believe, the rightful heir to the English throne is you: Mary Stuart.","(Mary's face goes completely blank. While the rest of the crowd applaudes)","KING HENRY (Henry approaches Mary and takes her by the hand): The second England's queen dies, you will make your claim. Your marriage to my son will strengthen that claim, as it will show the world that you have the might of France at your side. France fulfills its promise to Scotland and to you. It's time you and Francis are wed.","QUEEN CATHERINE (mumbling to herself): No, you can't do that.","(Henry walks back over to his throne and proposes yet another toast to the entire room)","KING HENRY: We must celebrate. It's God's will.","(Meanwhile, Nostradamus has a vision of Francis falling to his knees, Clarissa removing her face mask, frost melting from a window, and Mary's ladies all gathered around a dead body, while Mary cries hysterically)","KING HENRY: Do you hear me? It's God's will.","(The King goes over to speak with the Cardinal and another man with him, while Francis and Mary speak quietly)","MARY: Am I understanding this right? That a new condition of the alliance, of our marriage, is that I deliver England to you? My father wants it.","FRANCIS: The Vatican's support makes him think he can get it.","MARY: Elizabeth has support, as well. Armies she's been gathering for years. You realize what laying claim to England could cost me?","FRANCIS: Yes, I do. It could cost you your head.","IN A PRIVATE CHAMBER:","KING HENRY: When the English Queen dies, so does Henry the VIII's line. You are his next relation by blood.","MARY: Elizabeth is Henry the VIII's daughter.","KING HENRY: By Anne Boleyn. Her parents' marriage was never recognized by the Catholic Church. She's illegitimate. Her claim is weak, at best. In God's eyes, she doesn't even exist.","QUEEN CATHERINE: How convenient God has this opinion, as Elizabeth happens to be Protestant.","KING HENRY: The Pope doesn't want to lose a nation to Protestantism. Can you blame him?","QUEEN CATHERINE: A Scottish queen on the English throne? A daughter born of one of Henry's wives, dismissed? There will be uprisings. Wars. Catholics against Protestants, neighbor against neighbor.","MARY: England against Scotland.","FRANCIS: And Elizabeth against Mary. Have you thought about that?","QUEEN CATHERINE: They say she's very cunning, and that she has many followers. And she's always perceived Mary as a threat.","KING HENRY: She will come after you, whether you've reached for the crown or not. As for strife, civil wars, England will never be weaker. What better time to strike? If they push back, if there are wars, we will win.","MARY: You hate them.","KING HENRY: England tore into my country for half a century. They spilled French blood on French soil. Yes I hate them. You can make them ours. Together, you will some day rule half of Europe. England, Scotland and France. Don't let fear keep you from greatness. This is your destiny.","(King Henry takes the Queen aside and quietly, but sternly issues her a warning)","KING HENRY: I want my son married to England's next queen, because I want England. Cost me England, and I will kill you. Are we clear?","(In typical Catherine fashion, she says nothing)","IN A CASTLE CORRIDER:","(Bash stands overlooking the grounds. His mother comes to chat with him)","BASH: I know. It's over. Did the Vatican tell you?","DIANE: They don't need to. There's no way the Church can support a b*st*rd's claim to the throne in France when it's crushing a b*st*rd's claim in England. I'm sorry.","BASH: I'm not.","DIANE: It was wrong of me to dangle her in front of you... to play with your feelings.","BASH: Don't.","DIANE: You can't want her even in secret, even in your heart. Francis will see your desire for her. You told me yourself, he already has.","BASH: He forbade me from her.","DIANE: And what effect did that have?","BASH: You and Francis you talk as if Mary's a cool glass of water, and I'm a man dying of thirst.","DIANE: And it's only our talk that makes you thirsty? Do you know why I warn you, why Francis has? Because there's a thirst inside her, as well, for you. Keep your distance from her. No one is worth dying for.","OUTSIDE OF DIANE'S CHAMBERS:","(Kenna has come to Diane's chambers to speak with her about her ongoing relationship with Henry.She sees a servant outside, so she speaks to her)","KENNA: You there, are these Diane's chambers?","SERVANT: Yes, my lady, but she's not in at the moment.","KENNA: Well, tell her that the king's mistress would very much like a meeting.","(Kenna goes to leave, but before she can, someone mistakes her for Dianne, easy considering the fact that she has a hood over her head)","FATHER RONISSI: My lady: I'm glad to have found you alone.","KENNA: Do I know you?","FATHER RONISSI: I'm Father Ronissi, and you, as I just heard, are the king's mistress.","KENNA: How do you do, Madame de Poitiers? You're younger than I imagined. I'm the priest who has been answering your letters.","(Kenna is dumbfounded, but she doesn't reveal her true identity. She plays along instead)","FATHER RONISSI: To the Vatican? About your son, Sebastian.","KENNA: Sebastian?","FATHER RONISSI: Of course you would want him recognized, but you must realize, with the Pope's blessing of Mary and Francis' wedding, his desire to service the faithful of England, that your efforts must stop.","KENNA: Mine and the king's?","FATHER RONISSI: The king is completely unaware, as you'd requested. I hope you understand.","KENNA: I'm beginning to. I mean of course. Thank you.","OUTSIDE THE CASTLE:","(Hand in hand, Francis and Mary enjoy the weather outside the castle walls)","FRANCIS: Are you breathing easier now?","MARY: I still don't want to go back to the castle. They'll want answers.","FRANCIS: My father didn't pose our marriage as a question, but I will. Do you want this?","MARY: I want you, but I'm afraid. I don't want to start a war. And what if my efforts fail? What if no one supports my claim in England?","FRANCIS: Every Catholic will. I know you want time to sort this out, to assess what France and the Vatican can offer. And maybe we have time before the English queen dies; before you have to stake your claim, but we are a separate issue. And this is our chance, right now, to be together, without anyone, or anything, standing in our way.","MARY: What are you saying?","FRANCIS: Marry me. And we'll figure out what you should do with England later. MARY: You mean trick your father, the King of France, into believing that I agree with him?","FRANCIS: Yes. We should deceive him. It's for a very good cause.","MARY: And you won't pressure me later about England?","FRANCIS: I'll pressure you, and listen to you, and argue with you, and love you until the day I die. Together, we'll decide what is right, as husband and wife.","(Francis drops down to one knee and takes her by the hand)","FRANCIS: Marry me. Say yes. MARY: Yes. Yes!","(They kiss one another and Francis picks her up and twirls her around in his arms. They then run back to the castle, laughing and holding hands)","IN THE QUEENS CHAMBERS:","(The Queen is seen putting some strange substance on the bars of her bird's cage, she is interrupted though, as after the legitimization revelation, Kenna goes to tell the Queen of Dianne's plans. She barges in, followed by a guard)","GUARD: Yes! I am sorry, Your... Your Majesty. Lady Kenna said you would be expecting her?","KENNA: I need a moment alone. It would be in both of our interests for you to hear me out.","(The Queen sees her busted lip and bruised face)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Oh, God, you look terrible. I feel for you, but if this is about Henry, you can't imagine how little he interests me at the moment.","KENNA: It's also about your son. I can save him immeasurable pain.","(The Queen asks the guard to leave)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Go.","(He, of course, obliges, bowing and leaving the two of them alone)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Is this about the wedding?","KENNA: The wedding? No, it's about Diane.","(The Queen rolls her eyes, without even turning from her chair to face Kenna)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Oh. Get out.","KENNA: Why do you allow her to live here? Why do you agree to coexist?","QUEEN CATHERINE: She means nothing to me, not anymore.","KENNA: Why, when she took what's yours, what's now mine?","(The Queen finds this statement very annoying, but this time, she turns to look at her)","KENNA: What does she have over him? And why shouldn't we use information that I have over her?","QUEEN CATHERINE: Go on.","KENNA: I think Diane plans to have Bash legitimized.","(Catherine gets up out of her chair and moves closer to Kenna)","KENNA: Behind your back, behind Henry's. It could cost France everything.","QUEEN CATHERINE: How do you know this?","KENNA: I was on my way to her room to confront her.","QUEEN CATHERINE: To say what?","KENNA: I don't know. Beg her to give me a chance, I suppose.","QUEEN CATHERINE: Oh, dear lord, you really are a child.","KENNA: I was mistaken for her. That's when I learned of her efforts to have him recognized by the Church. What else could that mean? Her plans have come to naught. That's what the emissary told me.","QUEEN CATHERINE: He adores Bash, and obviously, he loves Diane.","(The bird falls from the perch of its cage)","QUEEN CATHERINE: But he won't like this news, not now. Not with England in play. She's rattling the line of succession, just when France needs to look very secure. And undermining existing rulers? Well, some might call that treason. She could be executed for this.","(The Queen takes far too much joy in the possibility)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Would that take care of your Diane problem?","KENNA: No, that's not what I want.","QUEEN CATHERINE: And yet, you could live with it.","(Kenna says nothing, but the look on her face says it all)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Ah. Go. I'll see what I can do with this information, and how it might benefit me.","(Kenna bows and leaves, allowing the Queen to go back to her work)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Hmm.","(She now notices tthe bird lies dead at the bottom of its cage)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Very good.","IN MARY'S CHAMBERS:","(She and her ladies gather to discuss all that has happened during the day)","GREER: We're so happy for you.","MARY: Lola, what about you?","LOLA: I'm pleased. I.. I just I want you to be safe. I want you to be sure. England's an enormous risk. Are you taking that risk for us, your people, or for the man you love?","MARY: My duty is to Scotland, and soon, to France. I will make the decision that my conscience dictates. Francis knows that.","AYLEE: But the king's orders?","MARY: What the king doesn't know won't hurt him.","(Clarissa has been listening in on their conversation from the passageways)","AYLEE: He'd defy his father for you?","MARY: For us, for his people. He's a good man. I'm going to marry him tomorrow night.","GREER: Tomorrow?!","(The girls shrike in excitement and shock)","GREER: But what... what will you wear?","AYLEE: Well, well, what about your mother? She won't be here.","MARY: Well, I have all of you. You're my real family.","(Greer runs off to get fashion accessories","GREER: Mary, come. Let's try different things with your hair.","AYLEE: Up or down? What do you think?","LOLA: Depends on the veil.","(The girls all giggle)","IN NOSTRADAMUS' CHAMBERS:","(The Queen meets her friend to discuss killing Mary once again)","QUEEN CATHERINE: My son doesn't believe that the future can be seen. He thinks it's his and Mary's to control. I've tried to drive her away. I've tried... to destroy her reputation, his love for her... I've terrorized her.","NOSTRADAMUS: Don't do this. She is an innocent.","QUEEN CATHERINE: No, she's his equal in every way. He loves her, she loves him. What more could I want for my son except his survival?","NOSTRADAMUS: There is another way.","QUEEN CATHERINE: There is no other way, except to remove the very source of the problem.","NOSTRADAMUS: Francis will know, no matter how you hide your treachery. He will never forgive you.","QUEEN CATHERINE: He can hate me for the rest of his life. God willing, it's a long life.","NOSTRADAMUS: If Francis won't listen, tell her. Tell Mary the truth. Tell her everything.","QUEEN CATHERINE: What, so she can tell others? The court, the king? So we can burn for your dark magic, as heretics? And for what, Nostradamus?","NOSTRADAMUS: The chance of changing her own fate -- Of saving the man she loves.","QUEEN CATHERINE: And if I can't convince her?","NOSTRADAMUS: Then there is no saving her, is there? From the content of the bottle in your bag.","(He opens the bag up, revealing a bottle of poison, which she began crafting when she spoke with Kenna earlier, the same poison used to kill her bird)","NOSTRADAMUS: But if you kill Mary, we will burn anyway. In the fires of Hell for all eternity.","(Nostradamus has his hands on the bottle as well, but Catherine jerks it away and storms out)","LATER:","(The Queen took Nostradamus up on his suggestion, that she speak with Mary before trying to kill her. The Queen has called a meeting with Mary)","MARY: What do you want?","QUEEN CATHERINE: You and I have been through a great deal together. I've come to respect you. Do you think I'm a stupid woman? Easily fooled?","MARY: No.","QUEEN CATHERINE: And what about Nostradamus? I know that he's told you about your future. Do you believe him?","MARY: I believe his words have weight... that he has certain insights. What does any of this matter?","QUEEN CATHERINE: Nostradamus believes that some day you will be the cause of Francie's death. That your marriage seals this fate. He's seen the future. If you wed my son, it is very dark.","MARY: This is madness. Everything you've done to drive me away has been based on.. on some glimpse of.. of a future? A future, that no one can know.","QUEEN CATHERINE: No one except him. What Nostradamus sees comes to pass, I can assure you, over the years: brutal storms, newborns dying. Love and war, treachery...","MARY: This is mere superstition.","QUEEN CATHERINE: Henry would call it worse. If you tell the king what I've done, and why I've done it, he'd have grounds for my beheading. He'd have Nostradamus killed without a second thought. I give you a very powerful weapon against me, because I trust you won't use it. Instead, you'll do what needs to be done.","MARY: And what is that?","QUEEN CATHERINE: Walk away from this marriage, from Francis.","MARY: A man I love, an alliance that my country needs?!","QUEEN CATHERINE: He will die if you marry him. I know that I'm asking you to sacrifice, but if you believe, at all...","MARY: I don't. I don't believe any of it!","QUEEN CATHERINE: Be very sure of that. Think about anything Nostradamus has ever told you, anything he's ever predicted -- Has it come to pass?","(Mary says nothing, but she doesn't deny it)","MARY: Have you told Francis about this?","QUEEN CATHERINE: He won't believe me.","MARY: He deserves, at the very least, to know what you believe.","QUEEN CATHERINE: Oh. Is that really why you would share the prophecy with him? Or is it so he could talk you out of your fears? Because he will. Is it so he can choose his own fate? Because you know he'd risk his life for you. He loves you, and you love him, but that love must make you strong, not weak.","(The Queen walks from the windowsill and puts her hands on Mary's shoulders and shakes them)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Please don't let it kill him, I beg of you.","(Mary goes to speak with Nostradamus about the Queen's warnings)","MARY: What did you see? Of Francis?","NOSTRADAMUS: What would make you believe? And you must believe a little, or you'd have run straight to Francis, or to the king.","MARY: You told me once that the lion would fight the dragon in a field of poppies. There was truth in that.","NOSTRADAMUS: Yes, I did, but that's not your real question. Ask it.","(Mary clearly wants to ask, but she remains quiet.)","NOSTRADAMUS: Can the future I see for you and Francis be changed? Yes, it can.","MARY: By any other means than letting him go?","NOSTRADAMUS: No. All images of Francie's death are tied to your union. You will be blamed for the death of the queen's first-born. You will blame yourself, most of all. I see Francis, barely older than he is now, cold to your touch. You are wed, but childless. Alone at this court -- without a friend to comfort you.","MARY: Stop. You're cruel.","NOSTRADAMUS: Do you think I want to see these things? Do you think I want to tell a mother her son will die? So much sacrifice, so much slaughter.","(Steps can be heard approaching them, as Nostradamus looks down, avoiding eye contact with Mary)","NOSTRADAMUS: One among you, a girl, dead in a day's time... Do you think..","(Kenna is the one who was heard coming into the room. She interrupts them)","KENNA: What do you mean one among us?","MARY: Kenna. Don't listen. This is meant to scare me, not you.","KENNA: You said one among us. A girl.","NOSTRADAMUS: Yes. A girl. I see your ladies, circled around. I don't know who, but one among you will die before the next frost melts.","MARY: You said that some fates could be changed. NOSTRADAMUS: Not this one.","(Kenna and Mary storm out and head back up to their chambers)","GREER: None of us will die. It's nonsense. Nostradamus said I'd fall in love with a man with a white mark on his face. That never happened.","LOLA: Have you fallen in love at all? You disappear for hours. Where do you go?","AYLEE: He said I'd never go home again. It haunts me still.","(Kenna unsucessfully tries to comfort Aylee)","GREER: That was his intention. Nostradamus likes to scare people. He's the queen's watchdog.","LOLA: Well, we can't trust her. Maybe this is her last attempt to keep you from Francis.","MARY: Or she was trying to keep me from Francis to save his life. I don't know if there's any truth to this prophecy, but the queen and Nostradamus seem to believe what he's saying.","AYLEE: What do you believe? You said you couldn't sleep for days after you saw Tomas' banner unfurl. And it was a dragon, as Nostradamus predicted...","MARY: The lion and the dragon will fight on a field of poppies.","AYLEE: The lion being the English that Tomas' soldiers sailed off to confront.","GREER: Sailors. On the sea. So where was his field of poppies?","MARY: You're right. But Tomas fought his real battle, the one he fought himself, in the forest.","AYLEE: There were poppies everywhere at that time, all through the woods.","MARY: Where Tomas was slain. By Francis. And Bash.","(Still not convinced, Mary goes to the stables to speak with Bash, who is grooming a horse)","BASH: You know how Tomas died. And, yes, there were poppies there. In full bloom.","MARY: That's an odd thing to remember.","BASH: The mind focuses on small things when faced with the larger horror of taking a life.","MARY: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. To tell the truth, I.. I'm probably just looking for connections that aren't there.","BASH: To what end? Did Nostradamus tell you something you hope is true?","MARY: No.","BASH: I've known him many years. He's right more than he's wrong. And when he's wrong, I often wonder if we misinterpreted what he said, and he's too cautious to argue otherwise. Tomas' symbol was, in fact, the dragon. Self-important but self-chosen.","MARY: And the lion was the English, of course.","BASH: As I said, Tomas chose his own symbol. That's what we bastard-born do, as technically we belong to no one.","(Bash stops grooming the horse and goes to show Mary his sword)","BASH: Allowing me to choose the lion for myself.","(On his sword, on the blade, there is a gold lion etched into it)","MARY: Is this the sword you fought Tomas with?","BASH: A fight to the death... In a field of poppies.","[SCENE_BREAK]","IN DIANE'S CHAMBERS:","(She and Henry are making love passionately. As they finish, they roll around in the sheets for a bit)","KING HENRY: Well done.","(He puts on his robe and gets up to leave. Meanwhile, outside of the room, the Queen is gathered around with a group of women, looking at various plates of food. The Queen sees Henry leave Diane's room and she goes to speak with her. She busts through the doors without knocking, scaring Diane)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Dear Diane. Henry will be back shortly with your glass of port, your apples and salted biscuits. It's such a lovely routine, the way he insists on taking care of you himself.","DIANE: What is it you want?","QUEEN CATHERINE: I didn't think I wanted anything from you.. I didn't think it was possible. As you have become such a certainty. And here's another: Henry strays from you to a young girl, and then gets bored, and returns to you. I don't know how you do it.","DIANE: Because I love him for who he is, not what he can give me.","QUEEN CATHERINE: No, I meant I don't know how you can put up with it. I put up with you, the public humiliation, because at least, in private, I don't have him grinding on top of me. Perhaps I'm saving us both some discomfort.","(Catherine picks up Diane's clothing and tosses it to her)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Get dressed and go. I know about the legitimization.","(Diane goes to explain herself, but the Queen stops her)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Don't bother trying to deny it. I have ties with the Vatican who can confirm it, but (laughing) do you know how I learned? Kenna. She was mistaken for you.. In your younger years. She was very badly beaten and she looked terrible. You won't look so good yourself if word of this leaks out.","DIANE: You love your son, too. You would do anything for him.","QUEEN CATHERINE: Yes. I would. But this, I'm doing for myself. Because I'm anxious of late... You could say that my son's wedding has me unnerved. DIANE: Because you can't control his future wife: a Queen.","QUEEN CATHERINE: I've given her some counsel. I am eager to see if she takes it.","(Catherine is pacing around the room, not having realized she is speaking to Diane about Mary and Francis)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Look at us. We're talking like old friends.","DIANE: We've known each other for a long time.","QUEEN CATHERINE: This acquaintance is about to be terminated.","(Catherine tosses another item of clothing at Diane)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Disappear. Make up any excuse, but do not come back. If you do, I'll tell Henry what you've done.","DIANE: He'd understand. He adores Bash.","QUEEN CATHERINE: He might have understood if your timing had been better. Henry's fondness for anyone is eclipsed by his love of power. He wants England, and he's getting it when Francis marries Mary. Ha.. Well you could say, suddenly, Francis may be his favorite son. And you may be executed for treason. DIANE: Bash never wanted this. If Sebastian died because of your words, Henry would never forgive you. He would find a way to kill you.","QUEEN CATHERINE: Which is why I'm letting you leave his bed, our castle, with your life. But, there is something I want to share with you first. Something you can share with Kenna.","(The Queen picks up a bottle of poison and holds it up for Diane to see)","DIANE: You want me to poison her. Why?","QUEEN CATHERINE: There are two things I can't abide, betrayal and stupidity, and Kenna's guilty of both. One can be tempered, the other can never be remedied. Oh, she wants.. what she wants, and she will go and get it at any cost. Her desire for the king may yet cost you your life. And there's one other person who stands in her way. Who is that? Oh.. Wait, I know. His wife. Me. And when she crosses me, and she will, she will be dead anyway. All I'm asking is that you take this one thing off of my plate. Why must I always be the one with blood on my hands?","(Catherine opens up the bottle's lid and smells of it)","QUEEN CATHERINE: Mmm. Oh, it's sage. It's very nice. These are my terms.","(Catherine sits the bottle down on a table and leaves, Diane, unsure of what to do, puts her hands over her face)","IN KENNA'S CHAMBERS:","(The next day, Kenna lies asleep in her bed. A servant delivers her a cup of tea, while the girls come wake her up)","LOLA: Good morning.","KENNA: Morning. Hello.","(The cup is on a neighboring table)","KENNA: Aylee, would you pass me that (referring to the cup), please?","(Aylee reaches for the cup and smells it before handing it to Kenna)","AYLEE: Mmm. It smells nice. What is it?","KENNA: It's a brew of lemon and honey.","AYLEE: And a herb.","KENNA: It smells floral to me. It's supposed to soothe and heal. You can have it if you'd like. It's quite good.","AYLEE: Uh, would you hold this?","(Aylee hands the cup to Greer and opens up a bag and pulls out various articles of jewerly)","AYLEE: My family sent me these. As gifts to be worn on the day Mary would be wed.","LOLA: Oh! You're so modest. Sometimes I forget your family owns half of Scotland.","AYLEE: Only the lower half.","(Aylee passes some of the jewerly out)","AYLEE: They're yours to keep.","GREER: Aylee, thank you! Do you think the wedding will still happen though?","LOLA: I know Mary talked to Bash. Nostradamus' prediction about Tomas' death was true.","GREER: I think that's open to interpretation. My head is pounding with the stress.","LOLA: Of whether there'll be a wedding or what you should wear?","GREER: The only magic I believe in is love. She should marry him.","(Greer holds up her the cup and proposes a toast)","GREER: To the power of love.","IN FRANCIS' CHAMBERS:","(Mary lies in Francis' bed fully clothed. She shares her worries with Francis, who tries to reassure her)","MARY: I want you to know whatever happens, that I love you.","FRANCIS: What's going to happen? We're getting married tonight. I know you're scared. Talk to me. If it's about England...","MARY: It's not politics... It's us. We already have so much. To ask for more... Do you think we're testing fate?","(Elsewhere in the castle, the frost is seen melting down the window. A girl is grasping the bars on the castle-staircase, holding on tightly as she chokes. Clarissa trails behind her in the shadows)","FRANCIS: Testing fate how?","MARY: By believing we can have everything we ever wanted. Perhaps that privilege is reserved for gods, not queens and kings. Perhaps there is a terrible price to pay.","(The girl begins to climb down the staircase slowly)","FRANCIS: We've devoted our lives to our nations. We're still taking an enormous risk for our countries, whether we lay a claim to England, or defy my father and the Vatican, for what we think is right for our people.","MARY: I like that word, \"we.\" And \"our.\"","(Clarissa pushes the girl from the balcony, sending her, and the cup she holds, crashing onto the floor)","FRANCIS: You've been alone in your struggles your entire life. That's over now. I would die for you.","(Mary's face turns white, but as Francis goes to kiss her, they hear a scream. They rush out of the chamber and see a group of people gathered at the base of the stairwell)","SERVANT: Guards! Your Majesty, come this way.","LOLA: They found her like this. They came to us, looking for you.","MARY: Aylee.","(It is Aylee who was pushed down the stairwell. A pool of blood lays under her head.)","AYLEE: He said I'd never go home again.","MARY: Aylee, no","(Mary holds her head in her hands. Aylee struggles to speak)","AYLEE: Tooo. muchh bloood. shed for you. You, we.. we.. must go home now.","(Mary lays her head down gently and Ay;ee closes her eyes and is dead. The girls start crying and Kenna watches as a cat drinks from the shattered remnants of the cup Aylee drank from earlier)","FLASHBACK TO EARLIER:","AYLEE: Yes. To the power of love. And friendship.","(Aylee takes the cup meant for Kenna and takes a drink of it)","BACK IN THE PRESENT:","(Mary stands up and wipes her blood covered hands on her dress. She sees Nostradamas standing on the staircase, who has just seen the full vision of how Aylee's death occurred)","MARY (seeing the frost drip from the windowsill and recalling his earlier warning, \"One among you will die\"): You are sent from Hell. You are the Devil!","(Francis tries to comfort her as she cries, but she pushes him away)","MARY: Oh, no. Let me go. Please.","IN A CORRIDER:","(Diane catches up with Bash and issues him a warning)","DIANE: The queen knows of my plan to legitimize you. Catherine has sworn to keep our secret, in trade, but she can't be trusted.","BASH: In trade for what?","DIANE: Nothing I can't live with.","(Diane recalls the Queen leaving the poison at her bedside, but instead of doing as Catherine asked, she threw it against the wall, shattering it into a thousand pieces)","DIANE: She can't control me or you if she can't catch us. I will find Henry again, outside the castle walls. Even if she tells him what I've done, I will make him understand. When he travels, I will come to him. I will win him over. I always do. Mary will be wed to Francis, England will be in his grip and none of this will matter. We will be back in his good graces, protected...","BASH: Forgive me if I don't choose to run away with my mother and stay in the shadows while you seduce my father into giving a damn about us.","DIANE: Then go on your own. Just swear you will leave today. You are my son.","BASH: Go. Save yourself.","ELSEWHERE IN THE CASTLE:","(Aylee's corpse lays out in the open on a table. Nostradamas stands over her body, speaking to someone offcamera)","NOSTRADAMUS: She was poisoned. Am I supposed to suspect the queen? When I know the effects of this poison.The blackening...","(He picks up her hand and looks at her darkened nails)","NOSTRADAMUS: ...the smell of violets. This is new poison. Mine, not Catherine's. Have you been watching me? Do you know where I keep the key? One never knows when you're close, do they? Why did you kill her?","CLARISSA: Mary had to believe your prophecy. Or she would have wed Francis. And the queen would have killed her.","NOSTRADAMUS: You see Mary as a victim. You think you have a bond because you see yourself as fate's victim, too. But she is a beautiful queen, and you...","(Nostradamas grabs Clarissa and drags her over to Aylee's body as she sceams)","NOSTRADAMUS: You are a monster! She is a victim!","(He pulls her hood off and makes her look at Aylee)","NOSTRADAMUS: This girl is your victim! Look. Look at what you've done to a child of God! You, who are nothing! You brought this on yourself.","(Nostradamas drags her away)","IN MARY'S CHAMBERS:","GREER: What about your duty to Scotland? What about the alliance?","MARY: I'll find a new one. This one has cost us too much already.","GREER: You have to tell Francis why.","MARY: I can't. The queen is right. He'll just talk me out of it.","GREER: But maybe there's some explanation","MARY: For Nostradamus' gift? I believe in it. For Aylee's death? Maybe. Whatever it is, she's still dead. I can't risk it. I can't risk losing anyone else I love.","(Mary is packing up her belongings to take with her)","MARY: Come with me.","LOLA: We can't.","(All of the girls look at her, waiting for an explanation)","LOLA: She stands a better chance of getting away on her own.","LOLA: And you're right. If Francis knows, he will stop you.","MARY: I'll send for you when I can. We'll go home. To Scotland.","IN THE THRONE ROOM:","MARY: As Queen of Scotland, I have made a decision. I lay no claim to the English throne. There are too many lives at stake, and I have a duty to those who would die for me, who believe that I would die for them, regardless of my personal happiness. I know your terms. I know this will cost me the man I love.","FRANCIS: Mary, no...","KING HENRY: You're risking everything. Everything you've spent your life waiting for.","MARY: I know.","KING HENRY: You're walking away from England, from more power than you could ever imagine.","MARY: I'm walking away from France.","KING HENRY: Mary, You're frightened. Now is the time for courage!","(Mary goes to leave and Francis runs after her)","FRANCIS: I don't understand.","MARY: Please don't. I've made up my mind.","FRANCIS: Without telling me?","MARY: I told you I was afraid. I told you I wasn't sure if this was the right choice for my country.","FRANCIS: What does that have to do with marrying me? I told you, I have no terms. I only want you.","MARY: I can't trust that.","FRANCIS: I don't believe you.","MARY: Your loyalty is to France. You have always told me so.","FRANCIS: Have you not heard a word that I've said? I love you.","MARY: Love is irrelevant to people like us, a privilege we do not share. You told me that. I remember it all. Every word, every moment, for the rest of my life... I love you. But I won't let other people die for me.","FRANCIS: That is your fate. As a ruler.","MARY: Not if I can help it.","FRANCIS: You're not thinking clearly. You're upset, about Aylee. You can't make decisions now, but I can, and I'm never going to let you go.","MARY: All I ever wanted was you.","FRANCIS: Then we will work this out. Wait for me while I talk to my father before he goes screaming to the Vatican and this.. this gets out of hand. Wait for me.","MARY: I'll wait for you.","(Francis rushes off to speak with his father)","IN THE STABLES:","(Mary goes to get a horse to leave on, but a farmhand stops her before she can)","STABLE HAND: Your Grace. May I be of service?","MARY: I was going riding. I'm fine.","STABLE HAND: I'll alert the guards.","MARY: Please, uh, don't.","STABLE HAND: But it's not safe for you alone. If the king knew I let you go unattended...","BASH: You would be punished. We're fine here. I'll be glad to accompany the queen. I have horses ready for us.","STABLE HAND: Horses ready? But.. you just offered...","(Bash doesn't back down, so he relents)","STABLE HAND: Of course.","BASH: Where are you going? What's wrong?","MARY: I'm leaving. I'm going away, and if you love your brother, you will not stand in my way.","BASH: Away, where?","MARY: Far.","BASH: That's my destination as well.","(Bash and Mary get on their horses and ride off)","FRANCIS: Mary! Stop! Mary, please! Wait!","(Mary ignores him and rides on. Francis falls to his knees and watches them leave)","FRANCIS: Mary! Mary!"],"Show Title":"Reign","Episode Number":"01x08","Episode Title":"Fated","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Rick_and_Morty_01x04.json","Recap":["Aliens hold Rick and Jerry captive in a virtual reality, in an attempt to steal Rick's recipe for Concentrated Dark Matter. As Rick attempts escape, he discovers that there are multiple virtual reality layers on top of each other. Jerry, on the other hand, despite numerous system glitches, remains completely oblivious, and keeps trying to sell his advertising slogan for apples. Rick finally games the aliens by giving them a fake recipe. The aliens send Rick and Jerry on their way, and their ship explodes as they prepare the concoction. Post-credits scene: Jerry is fired on the spot after debuting his new advertising slogan for apples in the real world. At night, a drunk Rick enters Morty's room, starts showing appreciation for him, but quickly turns on him with a knife and demands to know if Morty is a simulation. Rick then apologizes before passing out."],"Transcript":["Rick: T-t-t-this is just Sloppy craftsmanship.","Morty: Hey, Rick. Boy, sure is really especially Beautiful out there today, huh?","Rick: Oh, yes, Morty. I-it's almost unbelievable, Isn't it?","Morty: Yeah, you know? There's something about the air And just the way the sunshine Is.","Rick: Uh, sure, buddy. Yeah. Sure. B-brilliant. Very convincing.","Rick: Wha convincing?","Morty: Oh. Responsive, too. In real time. I love it.","Morty: Uhh...okay.","Beth: [ robotic ] i'm going To work. Morty, good morning. Dad, good morning. I am going to work. Goodbye.","Morty: What's with mom?","Rick: Oh, what's with mom? So, you're saying that she's Acting weird? How soph[burps]isticated. Careful, guys. You're gonna burn out the cpu With this one.","Morty: Okay, you know what, Rick? You'reacting weird, too.","Rick: Whatever, Quote-unquote \"Morty.\"","Morty: All right, well... I'll see you after school. Ow! Oof! Ugh! Damn it! I'm all right. I'm okay.","Rick: [ slurps ] All right, who can tell me What 5 x 9 is?","[ students whispering ]","Morty?","Morty: Uh, me? What is 5 x 9?","Morty: Umm...you know, it's Uhh...at least 40.","[ students gasp ]","Morty, that's exactly Correct! 5 x 9 isat least 40! Come up here. Whoo! Way to go, Morty! Everybody, this is the best Student. I want youto be the teacher Today. Teach us, Morty!","Rick: Interesting.","Morty: W-w-w-what do you want Me to teach you? Ooh, ooh! How do you make concentrated Dark matter? Oh, that's a good question.","Morty: Concentrated huh? Concentrated dark matter The fuel for accelerated space Travel. Now, do you know how to make it?","Morty: Umm... Come on, Morty. Isn't your grandpa, like, a Scientist?","Morty: Oh, yeah, but, you Know, he told me that I Shouldn't go around spouting off About, you know, his science and Stuff. I bet you've seen him make Concentrated dark matter a lot. You know, if you tell us, i'll Be your girlfriend.","Morty: Uh, y-you will? Seems like a rare Opportunity, Morty.","[ blam! ]","Rick: Morty, u-uh, come on.","There's a family emergency. Stop right there! If he leaves, i'm giving him an \"f.\"","Rick: He doesn't care.","Morty: Aw, man! Rick, I have to go back! I think I was about to get Married! Ugh!","Rick: Take a shower with me, Morty.","Morty: What?!","Rick: Listen to me, Morty. Get your clothes off and get in The shower right now. Y-y-y-you got to trust me, Morty.","Morty: Ugh! I'm gonna get an \"f\" in class, Rick.","Rick: Morty, that's not Class. T-t-t-that wasn't your teacher. This isn't your school. This entire world is not the World. We're inside a huge simulation Chamber on an alien spaceship.","Morty: Wait a minute. W-what are you talking about?","Rick: It's all fake [burps] Morty all of it. Nanobotic renderings, a bunch of Crazy fake nonsense, Morty. I couldn't say so until we got In the shower. They won't monitor us in here.","Morty: Monitor us?! W-who?!","Rick: Zigerion scammers, Morty the galaxy's most Ambitious, least successful con Artists. You know, it's lucky for us They're also really Uncomfortable with nudity.","Morty: Aw, come on, Rick. If everyone's just gonna be Insane today, at least let me be Insane with jessica.","Rick: I can't [burps] let you Do that, Morty.","Morty: Give it to me!","Rick: No! [ burps ] You give it to me!","Morty: G-g-give it! No, Rick!","[ aliens groaning ]","Oh, god, sir! They're still naked! Ugh. Well, check every five quintons And tell me when they're not. I think we should make kevin Look, sir. What?! No! W-w-why would you even say that? Uh, sir, we have a situation Over here. If there's a wiener on that Monitor, I swear to god, stu... Something is drawing a lot of Processing power. Oh, wait. No wonder. There's another real human in The simulator.","Jerry: Okay, Jerry big Pitch meeting. Make-or-break time.","[ whirrin]","You can do this. How did this happen?! Where's the abductions Department? Hey, man, abductions just Follows the acquisition order. Don't put this on Acquisitions! We only acquire humans that Haven'tbeen simulated! Well, simulations doesn't Simulate anybody that's been Abducted, so [chuckles] Oh, I see! Oh, oh! It was no one's fault. Oh, okay. [ chuckles ] I'm sorry. Well, then, problem solved. Oh, wait no. There's still another human in Here! Who is he? Rick's son-in-law, Jerry smith. So far, he hasn't noticed he's In a simulation.","[ sighs ]","Well, cap his sector at 5% Processing, keep his settings on Auto, and we'll deal with him Later. Rick sanchez is the target.","Jerry: [ inhales deeply ] Got to relax. It's just a pitch. Got to relax.","[ click ]","[ static ]","This is earth radio. And now, here's...human music.","[ repetitive rhythmic beepin]","Jerry: Hmm. Human music.","I like it.","[ beeping continue]","[ Rick and Morty panting ]","Morty: Rick!","Rick: Uhp, uhp, uhp!","Morty, keep your hands off your Ding-dong! It's the only way we can speak Freely. Look around you, Morty. Do you really think this [burps] World is real? You'd have to be an idiot not to Notice all the sloppy details. Look that guy's putting a bun Between two hot dogs.","Morty: I don't know, Rick. I mean, i've seen people do that Before.","Rick: Well, look at that old Lady. She's she's walking a cat on A leash.","Morty: Uh, mrs. Spencer does That all the time, Rick.","Rick: Look, i-i-i don't want To hear about mrs. Spencer, Morty! She's an idiot! All right, all right, there. W-what about that, Morty?","Morty: Okay, okay, you got me On that one.","Rick: Oh, really,Morty? Are you sure you haven't seen That somewhere in real life Before?","Morty: No, no. I haven't seen that. I mean, why would a pop tart Want to live inside a toaster, Rick? I mean, that would be, like, the Scariest place for them to live. You know what I mean?","Rick: You're missing the Point, Morty. Why would he drive a smaller Toaster with wheels? I mean, does your car look like A smaller version of your house? No.","Morty: So, why are they doing This? W-what do they want?","Rick: Well, that would be Obvious to you, Morty, if you'd Been paying attention.","[ siren wails ]","[ tires screech ]","We got the president of the United states in here! We need 10cc of concentrated Dark matter, stat, or he'll die!","Morty: Concentrated dark Matter? They were asking about that in Class.","Rick: Yeah, it's a special Fuel I invented to travel Through space faster than Anybody else. These zigerions are always Trying to scam me out of my Secrets, but they made a big Mistake this time, Morty. They dragged youinto this. Now they're gonna pay!","Morty: What do you W-w-what are we gonna do?","Rick: We'll scam the Scammers, Morty. And we're gonna take them for Everything they've got.","Jerry: National apple farmers Of america, welcome to our ad Agency. I'm Jerry smith. All right. I'll just...get to the pitch. Um, simple question, gentlemen, [ hoarsely ] what are apples? [ clears throat ] excuse me. Ahh.","[ coughs, clears throat ]","What are apples? Apples are food. And...when do we need food? When we're hungry. With that, I give you your new Slogan!","[ sighs ]","Well, say something! Do you like it? Yes.","Jerry: You do?","All: Yes.","Jerry: So...i sold it? [ laughs ] I sold the idea?","All: Yes.","Jerry: Oh, my god! Thank you!","Together: Thank you. You're welcome.","[ \"baker street\" plays ]","Jerry: Hey!","I just sold my first pitch!","[ dialing ]","Slow down! Lookin' good. My man!","[ beeping, telephone ringing ]","Robot Beth: Hello.","Jerry: Guess who just sold The apples campaign.","Robot Beth: Who just sold the Apples campaign?","Jerry: Me!","I guess it wasn't a rip-off of \"got milk?\" after all. Guess someonewas wrong.","Robot Beth: Yes.","Jerry: Well, all is forgiven, Because right now, i've got an Erection the size of an East coast lighthouse, and i'm Coming home to share it with my Beautiful wife.","Robot Beth: Okay.","Jerry: Wait really?","Robot Beth: Yes.","Jerry: Yes! See you in 10 minutes!","[ cellphone beeps ]","Hey! I'm going to make love to my Wife! Lookin' good. Slow down! My man!","[ beeping ]","Morty: Aw, geez, Rick.","I-i don't know if I like this Plan, you know? I mean, crowds, t-t-t-they have A tendency to make me really Nervous.","Rick: Morty, relax. It's just a bunch of 1s and 0s Out there. You're gonna be fine. Just follow my lead. Yo, deejay, drop that beat.","[ hip-hop beat plays ]","[ cheers and applause ]","Uh-oh, Morty. This crowd looks too small for One of ourfamous rap concerts. I don't think we can perform our New song, \"the recipe for Concentrated dark matter,\" for a Crowd this tiny.","Morty: You got that right, Rick.","[ cheers and applause ]","Rick: Now that's [burps]","More like it! Morty, here we go. Let me hear everybody say \"hey-oh!\" yeah!","[ crowd cheering ]","All the ladies say, \"yeah!\"","[ ladies cheering ]","Everybody over 30, do this with Your hands! Everybody with a red shirt, jump Up and down!","[ beeping ]","[ tires screech ]","Jerry: Mm. Mm. Mm.","Yeah, don't move. Mm, mm, mm, mm! Mm!","[ cheers and applause ]","Rick: Yo, everyone whose First name begins with an \"l\"","Who isn't hispanic, walk in a Circle the same number of times As the square root of your age Times 10!","[ beeping ]","Run, Morty! Before the system reboots!","[ squeaking ]","Jerry: Yeah! You like that?","Now who's unremarkable? You hungry for apples?","[ squeaking intensifies ]","Are you hungry...for...apples?!","[ squeaking stops ]","[ sighs deeply ]","[ chuckles ]","Oh, my god. That's the best s*x i've ever Had in my life. It's...it's...too good. I don't deserve this, Beth. I'm a fraud.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Morty: Oh, man, Rick! W-w-w-where we running to?","Rick: Out of the simulation, Morty. Normally, the chamber operates Like a treadmill, with the Virtual world disappearing Behind us and being rendered in Front of us as we move through It, but while it's frozen, Morty, we can get to... The edge. Here we go.","Morty: Holy crap!","Rick: Come on, Morty.","Morty: [ grunts ] Sir, they're over the edge. Yes, they are. Just...as...planned.","[ evil laughter ]","Oh, this is going to be such a Mind [bleep]","Rick: Keep your eyes peeled For the central processing room, Morty. That's how we're gonna scam These idiots.","Morty: So, hey, why do these Aliens keep coming after you, Rick, if you're so much smarter Than them?","Rick: It's an obsession for Them at this point. The zi[burps]gerions have been Trying to outsmart me for years, Morty. Every time they do, i'm one step Ahead of them. Aha! Here we go. Grab as many processors as you Can carry, Morty. These guys aren't good at much, But they're reallygood at Making these chips.","Morty: I've got so many, I Can barely hold them all.","[ chuckles ]","Look at look at this. Oops. I dropped one.","Rick: Don't worry about it, Morty. There's plenty of them, you Little goofball.","[ both laugh ]","Come here, Morty! Oh, I gotcha!","Morty: Come on, quit it, Rick! Quit it! [ laughs ]","Rick: Nothing wrong with just A little bit of horseplay every Now and then, little fella.","[ glass shatters ]","Morty: Wow. What do you know?","Huh. That was easy.","Rick: Totes malotes, dawg.","Morty: Just kind of hard to Believe, you know?","Rick: Believe it, Morty. And once again, i'm flying away With everything I can carry, and The zigerions got nothing of Mine.","Jerry: [ sighs ] Mr. Marklevitz, do you have a... Minute to talk? [ snaps fingers ] yes.","Jerry: Look, i'm a fraud. I mean, let's face it \"hungry for apples\" is just a Rip-off of \"got milk?\" It's almost identical. [ snaps fingers ] yes.","Jerry: [ sighs ] okay. I deserve that. Umm...i guess...i'll just pack Up my desk. [ snaps fingers ] yes.","Jerry: [ crying ] [ sobbing ] oh, my god. Wait. You know what?! No! The milk people don't have a Patent on simple rhetorical Questions! There's not even a single word In \"hungry for apples\" that's Shared by \"got milk?\" It's a completely different Slogan. It's different! And I shouldn't be fired. I should be promoted! [ snaps fingers ] yes.","Jerry: Yeah! Wait. Really? [ snaps fingers ] yes.","Jerry: Yes! I mean, i'm it may be Derivative, but it's the most Successful campaign to come out Of thagency in a long time. [ snaps fingers ] yes.","Jerry: I-i'm not saying it Should win an award for Commercials, but it could Certainly be nominatedfor an Award for commercials Specifically about apples, Like...an appley or something. [ snaps fingers ] yes.","Jerry: Is there really an Award called the appley for Apple-related ad campaigns? [ snaps fingers ] yes.","Jerry: Could we nominate me? [ snaps fingers ] yes.","Jerry: Holy crap!","[ beeping ]","Rick: Get in, Morty.","I'm gonna [burps] be able to use These processors to make some Real important science stuff.","[ keypad beeping ]","Huh. I thought I entered the code Right.","[ keypad beeping ]","Wha well, what's this? W-what could this possibly be? Because it looks like you're Inside a simulation... Inside a simulation. You're still on the ship. Game-day bucket go boom. Sir, the, uh, doctor's Appointment to examine the Discoloration on your butthole Flaps was Too loud, cynthia. Too loud and too specific.","Rick: Uhh...","[ chuckles ]","We've known how to make Concentrated dark matter for a Long time. But now we alsoknow the code to Your fabled safe, Rick sanchez! All your most valuable secrets Will now be ours!","Rick: Uh, yeah, until I get Home before you and change the Combination, you bunch of Idiots! That is why you're never Getting home. Get them!","Rick: [ grunts ]","[ aliens shouting, groaning ]","Run, Morty!","[ both panting ]","Morty: Oh, my god!","[ beep, click ]","[ mechanical breathing ]","Ow!","[ click, whoosh ]","[ aliens screaming ]","[ both panting ]","Jerry: I got to tell you, This morning, I didn't even know This award existed.","Now i'm holdingone. And...um... Look, I want to say that today Was the best day of my life... But...the truth is, it's it's More meaningful than that. My man!","Jerry: Yes. Thank you, sir.","[ sighs deeply ]","I...am...finally complete!","[ beeping ]","My my my my man!","Jerry: Aah! What the hell?!","[ beeping ]","No.","Rick: Jerry?!","Morty: Dad!","Rick: What are you doing Here? W-why are you dressed like a Waiter? Screw it. We don't have time. Come on.","Jerry: [ sobbing ] no!","[ alarm blaring ]","Rick: Ohhhhh!","[ beeping ]","Jerry: Aah!","All: Yes! Yes! Yes!","Oof!","Rick: Man up, Jerry! I may need you to work the Lasers.","[ beeping ]","[ slurps ]","[ gasps ]","[ alarm blaring ]","Morty: Oh, man!","They're hot on our tail, Rick!","Rick: I guess they really do Have concentrated dark matter.","Morty: Well, you know how to Make it, too, right, Rick?","Rick: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, check the engine room. We just need cesium, plutonic Quarks, and bottled water.","Morty: It's all here, Rick!","Rick: Wow, Morty. Lucky break. Grab that bucket. Okay, two parts plutonic quarks, One part cesium.","Morty: Okay. Uh-huh.","[ fizzing ]","All right.","Rick: Now empty the water Bottle into the bucket and pour It all into the fuel tank so we Can get the hell out of here! What are you doing, Morty?! There's no time!","[ beeping ]","Morty: [ stammering ]","Rick: Oh, no.","Jerry: What the Rick: no!","[ laughter ]","Oh, my god, Rick. How dumb are you? You're inside a simulation... Of a simulation... Inside another giant simulation!","[ laughs ]","W-we never had the recipe for Concentrated dark matter. But we do now! We do now, sucka!","Rick: You simulated my Grandson's genitalia?! Y-y-you bunch of diabolical sons Of bitches! Kevin fought real hard to Supervise that project. You said you weren't gonna Tell anyone! I'm never gonna live this down, Am i?","Rick: All right. Okay. All right, great. Wonderful. You win. Can we go home now? I don't know. Canyou? Ha! Nice. Okay, okay. Show this gullible turd to his Shuttle. I'm done with him. Oh, wait. Let me get a picture.","[ shutter clicks ]","Aww. Look at his face. He's trying to figure out if He's in a simulation still. Are you, Rick? Are you?","[ laughs ]","You're not. Or ayou? Oh, a-and, by the way, I don't Have discolored butthole flaps. That was part of the simulation. Oh. Uh, sir, should I cancel that Appointment, then? Yeah! Of course you should!","[ chuckles ]","No, keep it. Move it up, actually, if you Can.","Rick: Hey, Jerry, don't worry About it. So what if the most meaningful Day of your life was a Simulation operating at minimum Cap[burps]acity?","Jerry: You know what, Rick? Those guys took youfor a ride, Too. You should try having a little Respect for the dummies of the Universe, now that you're one of Us.","Rick: Maybe you're right, Jerry. Maybe you're right.","[ aliens cheering ]","[ dance music plays ]","All right, everybody. Two parts plutonic quarks... One part cesium...","[ fizzing ]","A-and listen, i'm sorry for \u00c9ling earlier. I-i couldn't ask for a better Staff. I love you guys, and I love all Your families. And the final ingredient...","Jerry: Whoa! What the hell?! W-what happened back there?","Rick: Why don't you ask the Smartest people in the universe, Jerry? Oh, yeah. [ burps ] you can't. They blew up.","[ sighs ]","[ beep ]","[ \"baker street\" play]","[ vocalizing ]","[ vocalizing out of sync ]","[ \"baker street\" continues ]","Jerry: So...","What do you think? You're fired.","Jerry: Wha But t-this idea was tested in a State-of-the-art simulation. Well, then, it was a terrible Simulation. Get out.","[ door opens, closes ]","Man, how does a guy like that go Home and have s*x with his wife?","Rick: Hey, Morty.","Morty: What?","Rick: Hey, little buddy. H-h-how you doing in here right Now?","Morty: Aw, geez, Rick. What are you doing, man?","Rick: Y-y-you're a good kid, Morty. Y-you're a real l-little C-character, Morty.","Morty: Oh, boy.","Rick: You know, I had a Really rocky road today, M-Morty. You're my little friend, aren't You?","[ sighs ]","We had some good times together, Huh, m-Morty? We You're a real true hero out in The fld. You're a li You're a real trouper, huh, M-m-Morty?","Morty: Have you been Drinking, Rick?","Rick: I really appreciate You, Morty.","Morty: O-okay, cool. A-all right, Rick.","Rick: You little son of a Bitch! Y-y are you a simulation?! Huh?! Are you a simulation?!","Morty: No! No! No!","Rick: You little son of a Bitch!","Morty: [ gasping ]","Rick: I-i-i'm sorry, Morty. Y-you're a good You're a good kid, Morty.","Morty: Geez!","Rick: Y-you're a good You're a good kid.","Morty: Oh, my god!","Rick: [ snoring ]","Morty: W-w-what the hell? What a life."],"Show Title":"Rick and Morty","Episode Number":"01x04","Episode Title":"M. Night Shaym-Aliens!","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Roswell_01x04.json","Recap":["Liz's grandmother is in town. While in town, she is rushed to the hospital after suffering a stroke prompting Liz to reach out to Max for comfort which turns out to be a bad idea, as he'd been beaten up by Kyle's friends and was having to lay low again. He tries to delay her end of life long enough for Liz to say goodbye, by healing her. He is unable to heal her but ultimately Liz is able to talk to her grandma for the very last time, in spirit form, when she dies."],"Transcript":["\"Missing\" 5th Episode of Roswell","Production Code: 1ADA04","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Streets at night, Liz walking home)","Voice-Over: It's funny how the world changes sometimes, how the streets you walked your entire life seem darker, colder. How the silence isn't so quiet anymore. How eyes you've barely even noticed now look at nothing but you. How the walk home every night is no longer routine, but a victory. And then you begin to wonder...maybe it's not the world that's changed. Maybe it's just you.","(Liz discovers her journal is missing)","Voice-Over: And then, suddenly...you begin to wonder all over again.","(Liz at Maria's house)","Maria: Liz, what's wrong?","Liz: My journal's missing.","Maria: And?","Liz: Maria, I wrote everything in that journal.","Maria: Everything?","Liz: Things about Max.","Maria: Personal things about Max?","Liz: Everything.","Maria: What?! Like where he's from, what he is, I mean, what he isn't?","Liz: I mean...everything.","(Opening credits)","(Michael wakes up suddenly and tries to draw the image he saw)","(Michael wakes up Max at 3 in the morning)","Michael: Hey man, what's going on?","Max: Since you asked, REM sleep. Please tell me this is important, Michael.","Michael: It is. I dreamt it, Max. I've seen it more clearly that I ever have.","Max: What?","Michael: This. It's what I saw that night at Valenti's office. When I touched the key, that's what I saw.","Max: You saw a semicircle?","Michael: No no no. I saw this, Max. This.","Max: And what is this?","Michael: I don't know yet. But I saw it. I didn't even remember until tonight. I had to tell somebody.","Max: And I appreciate that I'm the one you chose to wake at 3 in the morning to tell that you've been dreaming about semicircles, but maybe we can talk about this in the morning?","Michael: Yeah, ok. In the morning.","(Michael gestures to the floor)","Michael: Would you mind?","Max: No, no. Go ahead.","(Michael unrolls the sleeping bag and goes to sleep)","(Maria and Liz talking at school the next morning)","Maria: What we need to do is reconstruct the crime.","Liz: Reconstruct the crime?","Maria: Motive and opportunity, Liz. That's the key. I mean, this is Roswell. You can't just ignore things like this.","Liz: Look, I told you there was nothing unusual. I was studying with Alex yesterday and...","Maria: Alex? Ok, ok, we have opportunity.","Liz: Yeah, well, we were in my room and then he left and went home and...and...wait a second.","Maria: Hmmm?","Liz: Why am I reconstructing a crime when there is absolutely no crime to reconstruct? It's misplaced, Maria. It's not stolen.","Maria: Yeah, until we ask ourselves, \"Why would Alex want the diary?\" Has he been feeling ignored, curious, asking questions we don't answer, seeking explanations we don't give? Come on. And what better way to find those answers than in your journal? Now that's a motive. Was he alone in your room?","Liz: This is ridiculous.","Maria: Liz, I'm your friend, ok? I'm just trying to help you out here. Ok, so was he alone? Alex? At any time?","Liz: Well, yeah he was. I went to go get a soda.","Maria: So he was alone...","(Alex walks up to Liz and Maria)","Alex: Ladies...","Liz: Hi Alex.","Maria: Alex!","Alex: Uh, so what are we talking about?","Liz: Nothing really important.","Maria: Nothing important.","Alex: Ah, nothing game again. Ok. Well, I just wanted to remind you about the McCarthy thing that we gotta do.","Liz: McCarthy?","Alex: The oral report.","Liz: Oh yeah.","Alex: So we should get together sometime and talk about that.","Liz: Yeah, sure.","Alex: So, I'm off to gym. Dodge ball. Ok, so...wish me luck.","Liz: Good luck!","Alex: Thank you very much.","(Alex walks off)","Liz: How am I going to tell Max?","Maria: My advice...over drinks.","(Max is having trouble with a vending machine)","Liz: You hungry?","Max: Oh, no. It's this machine. It's always acting up.","Liz: Can I ask you something?","Max: Sure, but I have to be honest with you, Liz. At this point, I don't think I have any secrets left.","Max: Liz?","Liz: Look, Max...there's something that you should know because something happened...","(Michael interrupts)","Michael: Hope I'm not interrupting.","Liz: No, you're not.","Max: Liz?","Liz: Um, it's nothing, Max. It's nothing important.","Liz (to Michael): We...we just bumped into each other because I was walking this way from...and then he was coming that way, and we just...","Michael: Interesting...bye, Liz.","(Liz walks off)","Max: You said you'd be nicer to her.","Michael: And you said you'd stay away from her. Let's call it even.","(Liz is sitting in a dark classroom thinking about what to do)","Topolsky: Liz?","Liz: Ms. Topolsky?","Liz: Oh, um...yeah, I was...I was just leaving.","Topolsky: Not on my account, I hope.","Liz: Oh, no, not at all. I was...I'm just...late for something.","Topolsky: Liz, I'm sure you have a fine reason for sitting alone in a dark classroom, but I wouldn't be much of a guidance counselor if I didn't ask what that reason is.","Liz: Oh, it's nothing. Yeah...everything's great.","Topolsky: Sometimes we think we're all alone, but we're not. There are people all around us willing and eager to help. Maybe I'm not the first person you'd turn to in a moment like this, but I want you to know I'm not only a guidance counselor.","Liz: You're not?","Topolsky: No, I'm also a friend...now, does that make it any easier?","Liz: Oh...yeah...it does.","Topolsky: Good.","Topolsky: Is everything really ok, Liz?","Liz: Everything's great. Thank you.","(Liz leaves the classroom)","(Maria sees Alex walking in a hallway and walks up to him)","[\"Pick a Part That's New\" by Stereophonics is playing]","Maria: Hey.","Alex: Maria De Luca, ladies and gentlemen. Where's Parker?","Maria: Oh, Liz? I don't know. Anyway, she's dealing with some stuff, so...","Alex: Let me guess...Kyle's making a pathetic attempt at regaining boyfriend status.","Maria: No no. Nothing like that.","Alex: Well, then what was it? Or is this one of these things that you can no longer talk with Alex about?","Maria: Look, I...I know it must really bother you the way Liz and I clam up every time you come around.","Alex: Yeah, it's a little annoying.","Maria: Yeah, of course, and I'm sure it's our fault. I mean, actually...I know it's our fault and I just hope that...","Alex: What?","Maria: I just hope that it wouldn't cause you to do anything...you know...out of character...","Alex: Ok, what are you talking about?","Maria: Liz's diary is missing and...","Alex: Wait...wait a second. Are you accusing me of taking Liz's diary?","Maria: No no no. I'm not saying that at all. No. It's just that Liz and I were running through the facts of the case...you know, motive and opportunity...","Alex: So Liz is accusing me?","Maria: No no. That's not what I'm saying either. It's just that, based on certain factors, you emerge as a credible suspect...but I know that that couldn't be true, right? I mean, it couldn't, could it?","Alex: Ok, you know what? The next time you and Liz feel the urge to share with me, you know...feel the impulse to really open up...do me a favor, ok? Let it pass.","(Alex walks off)","(Alex is at his locker and slams it very hard)","Topolsky: That's school property, you know.","Alex: Oh, Ms. Topolsky. I didn't know anyone was....I'm sorry about that.","Topolsky: Actually, it's not the locker I'm worried about, Alex.","Alex: Oh, me? Oh, no. You don't have to do that. I'm fine...really. I'm, I'm great!","Topolsky: Alex, could I talk with you in my office for a minute?","Alex: Yeah.","(In Topolsky's office)","Alex: No, it's just...you know, things change. People change. You accept it and you move on.","Topolsky: Who's changed, Alex? You?","Alex: No, not me.","Topolsky: Your girlfriend?","Alex: No, I don't have a...no girlfriend, Ms. Topolsky.","Topolsky: Well, that doesn't surprise me. Teenage girls can never spot the good ones. I mean, look at Liz Parker....dating Kyle Valenti. He's a little obvious, don't you think?","Alex: Yeah, well...you know, apparently Liz is going through some stuff right now, so...","Topolsky: Stuff?","Alex: It's stupid. Liz loses her diary, and the next thing I know, Inspector De Luca tells me that they have me pinned as the main suspect. These are my good friends, you know?","Topolsky: Would you like me to talk to them, Alex? Try to straighten this out?","Alex: No no. It's ok. I can deal....well, anyway, I'm late for class, so...","(Alex leaves and Topolsky calls someone on the phone)","Man on Phone: Control.","Topolsky: 7-3-2-9-0","Man on Phone: What have you got?","Topolsky: Something interesting has happened. Any chance of sending me some backup?","(Michael shows up at an art class that he doesn't go to very regularly)","Teacher: That's good, Kelly. Remember to maintain your perspective.","Teacher: Mr. Guerin. To what to we owe this pleasure?","Michael: What pleasure?","Teacher: You, of course. I mean, it's Thursday, and I don't think I recall seeing you since Monday...of last week.","Michael: Yeah, I'm sorry about that...but I kinda just really want to draw.","Teacher: You kinda just really want to draw?","Michael: Yeah...I didn't when they first made me take this class, but now I do. I'm just gonna take this easel here...","Teacher: Keep your lines clean, Sydney.","(Kyle walks up to Liz and sits next to her)","Liz: Hi, Kyle.","Kyle: So, you and Max Evans now?","Liz: No no. We're...we're just friends.","Kyle: Oh, friends. Well, that is a popular position these days, Liz...isn't it?","Liz: Look, Kyle. I know that you're angry with me, but this isn't easy for me either. If you could just like, try and understand...","Kyle: You know the best part about being broken up, Liz? I don't have to try anymore.","(Kyle walks off angrily)","(Max is looking at some books at the UFO center)","Max's Boss: That's a good read.","Max: Yeah, you know...I was, I was just looking...","Max's Boss: Of course, Szcerbiak's theory that the military cover-up of the 1947 landing was financed by an international consortium lacks credible evidence to support it. Still, it debunks several fallacies that have long troubled me. But, if you're going to be working here, for my money, these are the books to read.","(Max's boss is flipping through books)","Max's Boss: Walton...garbage. Ah yes, Atherton.","Max: \"Among Us\"","Max's Boss: A bit on the alternative side. Atherton had an underground following...never truly embraced by the mainstream, such that it is. But it may be of some interest to a true believer like yourself. Take a look. Let me know what you think. I know you want answers, Max.","Max: Yes, I do.","(Liz appears)","Max's Boss: Well, go ahead. We both know she's more interesting than I am.","Max: Hi.","Liz: Hi...listen, can I talk to you for a second?","Max: Sure.","Liz: Not here.","Max: Ok.","(Max and Liz go into another room)","Max: So, what's going on?","Liz: Um...not much, actually. You?","Max: Not much. You know, we probably could have had this conversation out front.","Liz: Yeah, right...um...we could have. Uh...there is actually one thing...what I didn't tell you before is, Max, um...I, I keep this diary.","Max: Still not exactly back-room conversation, Liz.","Liz: Well, it's actually more of like a journal. Because that's what scientists call their diaries. Look...anyway, in this journal, I generally write everything that happened to me. Everything important, anyways. And lately that seems to include quite a few things.","Max: And one of those things would be about...","(Max gestures to himself)","Liz: Yeah...right. So that kind of leads us to the problem...the problem being that that journal with the stuff about....that stuff about you and the shooting and that whole entire day and everything....that journal is kind of just...missing.","Max: Missing?","Liz: Not missing.","Max: Not missing?","Liz: No, it's misplaced.","Max: Misplaced?","Liz: Temporarily misplaced.","Max: Right...","Liz: Yeah....","Max: Ok...","Liz: No, I'm sure that there are...I'm sure that it's somewhere stupid, like under my bed or something.","Max: What exactly did you write in this thing, Liz? How bad is it?","Liz: I'm gonna find it, Max. So, just....don't worry about anything, ok? And tomorrow, after I've found it...we're gonna have a really good laugh.","Liz: Just...give me one day, Max. Ok? And just...don't tell anyone, please. I promise you, Max, that I'm going to take care of it.","(Liz is frantically searching everywhere for her journal)","Liz: Where is it? Where are you?","Mrs. Parker: Oh, there you are. Alex just called. Although I'm quite sure that you were in no great rush to speak with him.","Liz: Um, how would you know that?","Mrs. Parker: How would I know what?","Liz: That I might not want to speak with Alex. Why would you say that, mom? I've never even told you that.","Mrs. Parker: No, I guess you didn't.","Liz: Mom, that's personal and private. I mean, have I ever even said anything to you about Alex or...or Alex and me?","Mrs. Parker: No, I don't recall you saying anything. You're right.","Liz: I'm just saying, mom, that it seems a little strange that you would say something like that...you know, that you would...that you would conclude something that I've never even told you, that something that I've only even written...","Mrs. Parker: Is everything all right with you?","Liz: Oh...um, yeah. Sorry...I've, I've just been edgy all day. Sorry.","Mrs. Parker: I'll see you later.","Liz: Ok.","(Mrs. Parker leaves and Liz resumes her search)","(At Crashdown, Michael is drawing the sphere image)","[\"Take a Picture\" by Filter is playing]","Isabel: Michael, do you really think you should be doing that here?","Michael: Doing what?","Isabel: Drawing that thing...whatever it is...in public...here.","Michael: It's getting clearer.","Isabel: It's getting weirder is what it's getting. Max, will you please tell Michael this isn't a good idea?","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Max is busy reading a UFO book)","Isabel: Max, you ok?","Max: Yeah yeah. No, it's just Atherton. Listen to this. He says...this guy is nuts...that aliens wouldn't possess the lung capacity or brain capacity for more than short-term survival on Earth. Brain capacity???","Isabel: Max, will you say something to Michael please? He'll listen to you.","Max: Wow, that's getting pretty good.","Michael: I've been working on it in art class.","Isabel: Max, this isn't right. I mean, we're getting careless.","Michael: Isabel, it's just a sketch, all right?","Isabel: We can't keep pretending that what we do doesn't matter, that what we do isn't noticed, because it is. And if we're not careful, then...","(Kyle and group of friends walks into Crashdown, Kyle walks over to Max)","Kyle: I'm onto you, Evans.","Isabel: What was that about?","Max: I have no idea.","(Max goes to Liz's house and is a little panicked)","Max: Kyle stole it. Kyle stole your journal.","Liz: No, Max...don't go Maria on me, ok? It's not stolen, it's just...it's misplaced.","Max: \"I'm onto you\"...just now, he looked right at me and said, \"I'm onto you\"...it means he read your journal, Liz. It means he knows about me.","Liz: No, Max. It's not about the journal. It's about us, ok? Kyle thinks that you had something to do with our breaking up. And he's not a thief. You know, the journal has only been missing for one day. Kyle hasn't been in my house in over a week.","Max: And the Crashdown?","Liz: No, not there either.","(The door opens as Mrs. Parker comes back home; Liz pushes Max into her room so her mom won't see him)","Mrs. Parker: Hello?","Max: Your room, huh?","(Max walks over to a table and notices a CD)","Max: Good album.","(Max has a flashback)","Max: He was here.","Liz: Who was here?","Max: Kyle.","Liz: No, Max. I told you. Kyle hasn't been here for over a week.","Max: I saw him.","Liz: You saw him?","Max: I had a flash, Liz. When things get intense, heightened, sometimes we feel things...see things. He was here, Liz.","(Michael is enthusiastically working on his drawing of the dome)","[\"Novacane\" by Beck is playing]","(Kyle is playing basketball with a group of guys...Liz walks up to him)","Kyle: Hi.","Liz: Hi.","Liz: I got the CD, Kyle. Thanks.","Kyle: Oh yeah? That's great. Your dad let me in.","Liz: Kyle, I know when two people break up, it's...it's not easy. It's not as easy as they thought it might be, you know?","Kyle: Yeah.","Liz: You know, these people...they might say or do things that they don't mean, you know? Uncharacteristic things. Maybe they're just confused, you know? Looking for answers and reasons. Do you know what I mean?","Kyle: Yeah, I do. That's why I want you to know that you can ask me anything, Liz. I don't have any secrets from you.","Liz: Is that what you think, Kyle? I have secrets? Do you think it's those secrets that broke us up?","Kyle: Well, maybe, Liz.","Liz: So when you were in my room, alone, you had a chance to discover what those secrets were. Isn't that right?","Kyle: What? What are you so scared of?","Liz: What?","Kyle: What secrets are you so afraid of me knowing? The truth about Max Evans? About why you've been so weird ever since that day at the Crashdown? Is that what your secrets are?","Liz: Kyle, this is serious. What you have, I really need back.","Kyle: We all want something back, Liz. It's too bad life isn't always fair.","(Kyle walks off)","Liz: Kyle...","(At school, Michael's drawing is on display)","Isabel: This isn't good, you know.","Max: No, I see that.","Michael: It's pretty good, huh? I didn't even know I could paint. But Mr. Cowan said it's the best thing that's come out of this class all year.","Isabel: Michael, this isn't right.","Michael: What isn't?","Isabel: A public display...your thing just sitting here.","Michael: This is not a thing, all right. It's...I'm not exactly sure what it is, but...","Max: What Isabel is trying to say is that it's not a very good idea. It could be dangerous.","Michael: Dangerous? How can it be dangerous? It doesn't mean anything to anyone, including myself.","Max: But Michael, that's not really the point. The point is, we shouldn't be taking chances like this.","Michael: You did.","Max: Yes, I did. That's right.","Michael: But, what? You can take chances and I can't? You can roll the dice with our lives, but if anyone else does, I mean...God forbid, you know...","Max: I saved someone's life, Michael. I wasn't dabbling in the arts.","(Michael walks off)","(Topolsky and some agents have a meeting)","Topolsky: I think Liz Parker's diary provides one of the most compelling leads I've ever encountered since I joined the unit.","Agent: Wait a second...I cut my vacation short for a diary?...ok, sorry.","Topolsky: This is not just a diary, agent. This is potential proof of alien contact. Not from a crackpot farmer or a drunk somewhere, but from a straight A student. Treasurer of the Roswell science club.","Agent: So, uh...any idea where this diary might be?","Topolsky: I think I do. This is where we should get started. She's been having a problem with her boyfriend.","(Liz is at Valenti home)","Max: Hey, I'm here if you need me.","Liz: Kyle? Sheriff Valenti?","Max: Someone should tell the sheriff that deadbolts don't work as well when you leave your door open.","Liz: Max, we shouldn't be in here.","Max: You're right, so let's make this quick. Which way is Kyle's room?","Liz: Max...","Max: Look, we'll get in, we'll grab your journal, and we'll get out. And in the process, we'll save my life. So which way is Kyle's room?","(Someone else is in the house, probably one of the agents)","(Max and Liz goto Kyle's room and start searching)","Max: You start in the closet. I'll start here.","Max: It's not in here. Any luck?","Liz: No.","(Max finds a picture of Kyle and Liz hidden under the bed)","Liz: It's not in here, Max. Look, maybe Kyle doesn't have it.","Max: You mean, maybe Kyle doesn't have it anymore.","(A shadow passes by)","Max: Wait here.","(Kyle comes back home)","Liz: Max, it's Kyle.","Max: Come on, let's go.","(Max and Liz leave out the back)","(In art class)","Teacher: I see you've chosen your favorite subject.","Michael: Yeah, you know I just can't seem to get it out of my head.","Teacher: Yeah, I see. That's quite good, Michael. It is.","Michael: Thank you.","Teacher: But don't you think it's time you drew something else?","Michael: Something else?","Teacher: Well, when the class drew fruit, you drew this. When the class sketched the human form, you drew this again. You're a talented artist, Mr. Guerin. But you can't go through the semester drawing only a geodesic dome.","Michael: A what?","Teacher: A geodesic dome. Perhaps before your time. It's a type of house, architecturally postmodern.","Michael: A house...","Teacher: As I was saying, Mr. Guerin, an artist of your ability can draw something else...something besides this. Perhaps...","(Teacher gestures to a statue that the rest of the class is sketching)","(Michael complies and draws a stick figure)","Teacher: Stick with the dome.","(Max, Isabel, and Michael outside at a picnic bench)","Max: Michael's painting isn't our biggest problem right now.","Isabel: Does that imply that there's a problem I'm not aware of?","Max: But before I tell you, you need to know that...it's not Liz's fault. You see, Liz keeps a journal. Everything that happens to her, she writes down. Including that day at the cafe...what I did...who I am...who you are...","Max: But you can't blame her, all right? You've got to promise me...","Michael: Blame her for what?","Max: For losing her journal...","Isabel: Oh, my God.","Max: I know it sounds bad, but it'll turn up. I know it will. But until then, I'm handling it. Michael, did you hear what I said? Michael?","(At Crashdown after hours)","[\"Torn\" by Creed is playing]","Liz: Sorry, we're closed.","Liz: Michael...um, I'm sorry, the kitchen's closed.","Michael: That's all right. I just ate.","Liz: Um, you know, actually this is for employees only.","Michael: Max told me what happened.","Liz: Oh...he did?","Liz: What did he say?","Michael: He said you wrote it all down, Liz.","Liz: He said that?","Liz: What do you want?","Michael: I want you to know it wasn't smart to write all those things down, Liz.","Liz: Yeah...I know that now.","Michael: I knew it a week ago.","Liz: Excuse me?","Michael: That was the night I sat at the first booth. Maybe you remember.","(Flashback to a week ago)","Michael: It was late like tonight and you were at the counter...writing.","Michael: Homework?","Liz: Uh, yeah...a little bit.","Michael: But it wasn't homework, was it?","Liz: No, it wasn't.","Michael: You could have put us in an awful spot, Liz. Roswell's not exactly the town you want to be unique in, if you know what I mean. You have to know who your friends are.","Michael: I had to know the risk...so I had to know what your journal said.","Liz: You took it...","Michael: I never meant for things to get out of control...it's nice to know we have at least one friend in this town.","(Michael gives the journal back to Liz)","Liz: Does Max know that you...","Michael: No...and you know what would be really great? If you didn't tell him.","Liz: But why didn't you just destroy this, Michael? Because anyone that found this would know all about you.","Michael: No...they'd know all about you, Liz.","Michael: Thank you for giving me one more reason to envy Max Evans.","(Michael turns to leave)","Michael: And you might want to get better window locks...for when your criminals happen to be human.","(Liz clutches her journal to her chest and walks off)","(Liz goes to UFO Center to find Max)","Liz: Hi.","Max: Oh, hey.","Liz: I seem to be finding myself here quite a bit lately.","Max: Maybe you'd be interested in the season pass. $19...it includes the guided tour and a box lunch.","Liz: Everything's ok, Max. I have my journal.","Max: You found it.","Liz: I guess you could say it found me. I left it at the Crashdown and a customer returned it.","Max: A customer?","Liz: A friend...a good friend.","Liz: Uh...look, Max, now that this is all over and everything, I feel I owe you an explanation to why I wrote those things.","Max: No, you don't.","Liz: No...I know you think that I was foolish, you know, to write about that day and you and everything. What I wrote in my journal, it didn't really have anything to do with science. Um...that day that you saved me, I felt something that I just had to put into words...so years from now, if anyone ever...if anyone ever touches me the way that you did, I'll know what it's supposed to feel like.","Max: So, can I see it? What you wrote?","Liz: Oh...yeah, I don't...I don't think that's a good idea.","Max: No?","Liz: No.","Max: Why? Because if I read what you wrote in your journal, I realize how you really see me.","Liz: Exactly.","(Outside at picnic benches)","Isabel: I can't believe you're still reading that.","Max: Guilty pleasure.","(Isabel gestures to Michael who's lost in thought)","Max: Michael, you ok?","Michael: Yeah. I just wish I had a few more answers. The dome, you know? I mean what's the point of having a vision if it doesn't mean anything?","Max: Patience, space boy.","Isabel: You're in an awfully good mood...does this mean that the diary...","Max: Safe and sound.","Isabel: So where was it?","Max: Liz wouldn't say. She said a good friend brought it back. Anybody want anything?","Michael: I'll go with you.","Max: Isabel?","Isabel: No thanks.","(Isabel flips through the book Max was reading)","Isabel: Boring.","(Isabel drops the book and it opens up to the last page with a picture of the author in front of his house, a geodesic dome)","Isabel: Max. Michael.","Max: What's the problem?","Isabel: This. Michael, it's your vision.","(Late an night, Liz is walking home)","[\"Colorblind\" by Counting Crows is playing]","Voice-Over: October 28th. I've missed a few days. But in my absence I've been thinking about some things, about life before Max Evans saved me, of how I used to pray for something to happen, something to just break the routine, you know, of school and work...something that would make a small town feel bigger, that would make a small town girl feel bigger, too. And ever since I got my wish and Max Evans patched a bullet hole 2 inches below my ribs, I realized one thing...that the bigger your world gets, the bigger your problems get, too.","(Scene fades out as Liz hides her journal behind a loose brick in the wall)"],"Show Title":"Roswell","Episode Number":"01x04","Episode Title":"Missing","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Roswell_01x08.json","Recap":["Max is injured in a car accident and Liz pressures Alex to help protect him from medical procedures that could expose his identity by providing blood samples to replace Max's."],"Transcript":["\"Heat Wave\" 9th Episode of Roswell","Production Code: 1ADA08","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Episode begins in the Crashdown Cafe at night. Maria is cleaning the restaurant area downstairs and Liz is studying upstairs. Liz eats a doughnut and goes to the fridge to get some milk, but there isn't much left. We see Maria turn around facing the entrance of the Crashdown - Michael is outside looking in. Maria opens the door and Michael enters. Michael and Maria start kissing and things get a bit steamy between them. Liz, who comes downstairs looking for something to drink, hears noises and slowly peeks into the main part of the restaurant and sees Maria and Michael together on the counter)","(Opening credits)","DJ: It's 7:36, and it's another white hot day in this bizarre December heat wave. We're already pushing 90 at the silos and, at this rate...","Voice-Over: It's December 2nd, 1999. I'm Liz Parker, and this heat wave has made everyone crazy.","(Liz walks through the halls at school seeing everyone coupled with someone else)","Voice-Over: Heat expands, melts, makes things boil, sets things on fire. And seeing the effect of this heat all around me just pointed out in this really blatant way how my life wasn't expanding...that I was stuck.","(We see Michael and Maria making out in the janitor's closet)","Maria: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm dying here. This is so uncharacteristic.","(Liz comes out of a classroom and runs into Kyle)","Kyle: Liz.","Liz: Hi, Kyle.","Kyle: Hi. You know Vicky Delaney.","Liz: Oh, sure. Hi, Vicky. How's it going?","Vicky: Really good actually. Um, hey, Kyle and I are going to this thing on Friday night. You should come.","Kyle: No no, see, that's not Liz's kind of thing...","Liz: A party?","Vicky: Yeah, it's at the old soap factory. It should be pretty wild.","Liz: Is that even legal?","Kyle: See? I told ya it wasn't your kind of thing. So...","Liz: You know, um, a party on Friday really sounds great. Um, so maybe I'll just see you two there.","Vicky: See? I told ya she'd be cool.","Liz: Later.","Kyle: Right.","(Liz walks off and sees Alex being led by Valenti into the Principal's office)","Sheriff: So, you and Ms. Topolsky...","Alex: ...went over my schedule for next semester.","Sheriff: And there was nothing that seemed odd about her behavior that day?","ALEX; No, sir.","(Liz is looking for Max and finds him in the library)","Liz: Hi. I've been looking for you all over. I just saw Valenti talking to Alex. They were in the principal's office.","Max: What did Alex say to him?","Liz: I haven't been able to find him yet. Not that he'll really talk to me once I do.","Max: Liz, i'm sorry.","Liz: It's ok. It's not your fault, you know? I'm just a little bit worried right now. He won't talk to Maria or me, you know? I've never even seen him like this before. Oh, but there is one piece of good news. Kyle started seeing someone. Vicky Delaney.","Max: Oh.","Liz: So maybe she's gonna take his mind off all of his suspicions.","Max: Right.","Liz: Right. Oh, and apparently it's gotten really serious. Because they're going to this party together on Friday night. You know, at the old soap factory.","Max: Right.","Liz: It's kinda funny, isn't it? You know, how people have started pairing up and moving forward. Um...have you noticed anything strange about Michael lately?","Max: What do you mean?","Liz: Maybe just the way he acts around Maria. You know, have you observed any differences in his behavior at all?","Max: Are you saying there's something going on between Michael and Maria?","Liz: No, I'm not. I'm not saying that. Would it be bad if there were?","Max: Yes! I mean...I don't know.","(Outside Topolsky's office, Maria's mom is making a scene)","Amy: Ok, I need to speak to someone with some kind of authority. Cuz this is unacceptable. I demand to know what's going on here. Not tomorrow, not the next day, right now!","Clerk: I'll see what I can do.","(Amy turns around and sees Sheriff Valenti)","Amy: Oh, jeez.","Sheriff: Amy De Luca.","Amy: Hello, Sheriff.","Sheriff: So, ya stayin' out of the slammer?","Amy: Oh, very amusing.","Sheriff: What are you doing here?","Amy: This Topolsky woman calls me up, leaves me this cryptic message that I need to come in here and discuss my daughter's future. And then when I get here, they tell me she's...well, the word they use is \"disappeared\". You know, I carve time out of my hectic schedule to meet her.","Sheriff: You know, being a single parent myself, I know how difficult that can be.","Amy: Really? Well, it looks like we finally have something in common.","Sheriff: Will wonders never cease?","Amy: (chuckles) Yeah.","(Amy and Valenti walk off in opposite directions)","(Liz is trying to talk to Alex as he's going towards his bicycle)","Liz: Alex! Alex, please wait. Will you just give me a chance?","Alex: What?","Liz: Let's just try and talk.","Alex: What do you want from me? More blood? A urine sample? How about my kidney?","Liz: Alex, I just want you to be my friend again.","Alex: No, you don't. You just want to protect Max Evans from whatever it is you're protecting him from. This has nothing to do with our friendship.","Liz: No, that's not true.","Alex: You said that you were going to tell me what was going on, and you didn't, all right? I trusted you!","Liz: Alex, I know.","Alex: So just tell me now then, all right? Just tell me, and it'll be ok.","Liz: I can't.","Alex: It's amazing. You wanna know what? A couple weeks ago, if someone were to ask me who I would trust with my life other than my parents, I would have said you without skipping a beat. And now...now I feel like I don't even know who you are.","Liz: Alex, I want to tell you, I do, but...it's not my secret to tell. Alex, I need to know what you told Sheriff Valenti.","Alex: I want to tell ya, Liz...but it's not my secret to tell.","(Alex rides off on his bicycle)","(The following scenes are of Liz and Maria talking to each other in the girl's bathroom, and Max and Michael talking to each other in the men's room)","Liz: What are ya doin'?","Maria: Nothing.","Liz: Maria, it's 105 degrees outside, and you're wearing a turtleneck.","Maria: So?","Liz: Here. Try this. I saw you and Michael together at the Crashdown the other night.","Max: Hey, Michael.","Michael: Max.","Max: How's it goin'?","Michael: Decent.","Max: Listen, I was just wondering if we could talk about something.","Michael: Sure.","Max: Just in terms of you and Maria. There isn't...I mean, nothing's been going on between you two...has there?","Maria: We were just sucking face.","Liz: Look, I am sure that you're saying to yourself, \"just go for it\", right? I mean, sure, you see everyone else going for it. Suddenly there is this heat wave, and everybody is going for it.","Michael: I just figured, go for it, you know? I don't know what I was thinkin'.","Max: You know, I just thought we had guidelines about this. We agreed to discuss before we acted on any...you know, urges.","Michael: Well, I hate to tell you this, Max, but when i have urges, you're not exactly the first person I think about.","Max: Yeah, I realize that. But the point is, we can't let things spin out of control. I mean, sure, it starts as a kiss...","Michael: It's more than that.","Max: How much more?","Michael: I don't know, Max. It feels so wrong, but it feels so good.","Liz: It feels good? What is going on here? You and Michael. Kyle and Vicky. Ms. Hardy and Mr. Krewlick. Look, the point here, Maria, is that I don't see you and Michael together. Do you two talk or do you just like...","Maria: Of course, we talk.","(Maria and Michael are making out in another room)","Maria: Shouldn't we like, talk or something?","Michael: About what?","Maria: I don't know, you kinda just pulled me and dragged me in here. Shouldn't we at least like exchange pleasantries?","Michael: How're ya doin'?","Maria: Fine, and you? So, did you hear about this party Friday night at the old soap factory?","Michael: I guess.","Maria: Are you gonna go?","Michael: I don't know.","Maria: You don't know?","Michael: Friday's like years from now.","(Amy De Luca is trying to sell cocktail stirrers with alien faces at the tips to Jeff Parker at the Crashdown Cafe)","Jeff: So, um, what are these guys?","Amy: Cocktail stirrer. Take a gross. People love them.","Jeff: Hmm....ok.","Amy: And this one glows in the dark.","Jeff: Get out of here. Really?","Amy: Yes.","(Sheriff Valenti walks in)","Amy: Sheriff, uh...","Sheriff: Hi. I stopped by your shop. They told me you were here.","Amy: Oh, nothing's wrong?","Sheriff: No, nothing's wrong. It's just, uh...","Sheriff (to Jeff): It's kinda personal.","Jeff: Oh. (chuckles)","(Mr. Parker leaves Mrs. De Luca and Sheriff Valenti alone)","Sheriff: Um...Amy...listen, about what happened. It's just, uh...I realize it was a long time ago, and I just want to make sure that you know that...I was just doing my job.","Amy: Oh, yeah. Well, I appreciate the sentiment, Sheriff, but it did scar me for life and all, so...","Sheriff: You were breaking the law. You were stopping honest, hard-working people from doing their jobs.","Amy: Those honest hard-working people were destroying a 200-year-old piece of Native American architecture...raping our town of its history.","Sheriff: Amy, the Native Americans wanted that thing torn down more than anybody.","Amy: That's not the point.","Sheriff: Well, it is kinda the point...","Amy: There were more than 20 of us out there that day. I was 18. Naive. Clueless. Why did you pick on me?","Sheriff: Cuz you were cute.","Amy: Cute?","Sheriff: You were wearing the cowboy boots and a little skirt. Well, I had to arrest somebody, so...","(Amy laughs nervously)","Amy: Well, I don't know what to say. I'm outraged. I am now outraged. You are looking at an outraged woman. Sorry. It must be the heat.","Sheriff: I just, uh...I just wanted to apologize. It's good to see you again, Amy.","Amy: (chuckles) Well...","(Maria walks in)","Maria: Mom. What are you doing here?","Amy: Oh, hi Maria. Um, you know Jim.","Maria: Jim?","(Liz and Isabel are painting toenails together)","Liz: So, um, what about guys? Cuz it kinda seems that you've got all these guys in school interested in you...like, practically every single one of them, but you kinda tend to keep pretty platonic.","Isabel: Have you been researching me or something?","Liz: No, I haven't been researching you. I just...I don't know, I was just kind of curious if there was a reason you don't move forward with any of it. If it's because of the fact that--","Isabel: Are you afraid...I mean, to let someone in? To let someone see who you really are?","Liz: Yeah, of course I am.","Isabel: Well, multiply that by about a million.","Liz: Yeah, right.","(Isabel glances over and sees that Liz is using clear nail polish. She touches her index finger to one of Liz's sandals)","Isabel: Open your hand.","(Isabel touches Liz's bottle of nail polish and the color turns into a shade of blue, matching Liz's sandals)","Isabel: At least we can do cool stuff like that.","Isabel: So, what's going on with your little friend Alex?","Liz: Yeah, he's pretty upset.","Isabel: Well, you've known him forever. What's the bottom line? Is he gonna cave?","Liz: I don't know. I kinda wish i knew what was going on inside of him.","Isabel: I'll look into it.","Liz: What do you mean you're gonna \"look into it\"?","Isabel: Nothing. Forget it.","(Isabel goes to sleep using her power. She touches a picture of Alex in a yearbook and falls asleep. She wakes up in Alex's dream and follows him into this ballroom. Alex is waiting for his date and to Isabel's surprise, Alex's dream date is Isabel)","Singer: We'll take it from here.","Dream Isabel: Hello, Alex.","Alex: Hello.","Dream Isabel: Thank you for inviting me.","Alex: My pleasure. I've been watching you and all you do for quite some time knowing all the ins and outs of you. I should have known what was on your mind but all the world is spinning round and round inside my head tonight.","Dream Isabel: You really think of me?","Alex: I think that underneath that beautiful exterior is an even more beautiful interior. But I have a feeling that not too many people get to see that interior, do they?","Dream Isabel: No, they don't.","Alex: Cuz it's too scary to show who you really are. You can show me.","Dream Isabel: I can?","Alex: Yeah.","(The next morning, Max is arguing with Isabel about using her powers to enter Alex's dream)","Max: I can't believe you did that.","Isabel: Liz couldn't control the guy. I needed to know what was going on in there.","Max: So, what did you find out?","Isabel: I told you, it was confusing.","Max: You were able to get in there, right?","Isabel: Yeah, I got in there.","Max: So, what happened? What was he dreaming about?","Isabel: Well, he's a complex individual with...a lot of complexities.","Max: Are you ok?","Isabel: Yeah. Why?","Max: Cuz you look a little flushed...like you're blushing.","Isabel: It's the heat, all right? Max, I went in there. I saw some things. I'm not exactly sure what they meant. I'm walking around in somebody's subconscious. It's not a hard science.","Max: Is there something you want to talk about? Did something happen in there?","Isabel: Look, I can take care of the Alex situation. I saw what i needed to see, which is that...out of all the people involved, I'm the one who can control him. Just a little old fashioned charm.","Max: You sure?","Isabel: Yes, I'm sure.","Max: You have everything...","Isabel: Under control. Yes.","(Max walks into the men's bathroom and finds Michael waiting)","Max: Hey.","Michael: Hey.","Max: What's wrong? Maria?","Michael: It has gotten complicated. Suddenly, she wants to know where I'm going after school. She wants to have conversations. She wants to talk about my feelings. And now, she wants to go to a party together.","Max: That thing at the old soap factory?","Michael: Right. Like suddenly the eraser room's not enough. I can't let this become a public thing. I mean, she should know that. But all week long I've had this weird feeling. Like I was gonna hurt her or something. That just being who I am is gonna hurt her.","(Max is looking for Liz and finds her in the bio lab)","Max: Hey.","Liz: Hey, what's up? I'm just trying to get these stupid slugs to mate. Ah, come on! Won't you guys just do it?","Max: Maybe one of 'em's gay.","Liz: Max, you know when you said before that we couldn't be together? That we were different? I just sort of accepted it, you know? Because I thought that it was like physically impossible. That it...that it couldn't be. But when I saw Maria with Michael...the truth is that...I was hurt, Max. Why is it ok for them, but it's not ok for us?","Max: Liz, I think that what I'm afraid of isn't that we try this and it works out really badly. What I'm afraid of is we try it and it works out really well. I'm afraid of feeling everything that I know I would feel. Because I know it's not meant to be. And somewhere down the line, we're gonna get hurt. I can live with that. I just couldn't bear to hurt you.","Liz: But that's not your decision, is it?","Max: I guess not.","Bio Teacher: Hey, Liz. How are you doing on your mating ritual?","Liz: I was doing just fine.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Isabel finds Alex in a hallway at school)","Isabel: Hey, Alex.","Alex: Uh uh hi.","Isabel: You look good today.","Alex: I do? Oh, thanks.","Isabel: So, tonight...that party everyone's talking about, you interested?","Alex: Yeah. Yeah, sure. Tell me how it goes.","Isabel: Interested in going?","(Isabel unbuttons the top button on Alex's shirt)","Isabel: Meet me there at 8:00.","(At the rave at the old soap factory)","Liz: Maria!","Maria: Hey!","Liz: Hey. Um...have you seen Max anywhere? He was supposed to meet me here.","Maria: Uh, no. I'll talk to you later, ok?","Liz: Oh, hey, Alex!","Punk: All right, Octavio, let's whip this party into shape.","Alex: Isabel!","Isabel: Alex!","Alex: Hey!","Isabel: Hey! You look...you look great.","(Isabel unbuttons Alex's top shirt button)","Alex: You, too. You know, I like the way you look in red.","Isabel: I know you do.","Alex: So, listen, just to...to clarify, when...when you asked me to come to this party tonight, did you mean like come with you or...or was it more just like letting me know that this party existed, you know? Because that would be amazing in and of itself. I'm...I'm just curious.","Isabel: You wanna go someplace?","Alex: Go...go someplace?","Isabel: To talk.","Alex: Oh, talk. Yeah, sure...sure.","(Some punks are trying to set up a sound system)","Punk: Whoa! Excellent!","Punk: Babe-o-rama. Hey.","Liz: Hey.","Punk: Do you ever do, uh, jello shooters?","Liz: No, thank you.","Punk: Go on, try one. Maybe, uh, loosen you up. Maybe later we could check out the roof together.","Max: She said no, thank you.","Punk: Sorry, dude. Didn't know she was taken.","Liz: I thought maybe you changed your mind.","Max: I've been waiting for this for a long time.","(At a secluded part of the soap factory, Maria confronts Michael)","Maria: You've been ignoring me the whole night. Look, I'm not some pollyanna, ok? I don't think what we have is true love. I don't know what we have. I just...I don't understand why you have to avoid me. It hurts, that's all.","(Michael is silent)","Maria: Fine. Good-bye.","(Maria turns to leave)","Michael: I just don't really do this.","Maria: Don't do what?","Michael: Get intense like this.","Maria: I'm not getting intense.","Michael: Yes, you are.","Maria: Well, you got pretty intense the other night at the Crashdown.","Michael: Sorry, I can't get this involved. I'm alone, and that's the way it's gotta be. Maybe we should've never started this.","Maria: I'm gonna go outside and get some air.","(At another secluded part of the soap factory, Isabel and Alex sit down to chat)","Isabel: You're a really, really good guy, Alex.","Alex: Oh, thank you, Isabel. Thank you.","Isabel: No, really. I mean, most guys are just disgusting animals whose sole purpose in life is to try to maul me. But you're different.","Alex: I am? I mean, I am! Yeah. Oh, yeah. I just...I don't see you that way, Isabel. Not that i wouldn't want to...","Isabel: I think I know how you feel.","Alex: You do?","Isabel: Yeah...which is why I think I know that I can trust you.","Alex: Trust me?","Isabel: Yeah, we all can. Liz, Max, all of us.","Alex: So that's what this is about.","Isabel: What?","Alex: You brought me here tonight to find out what I said to Valenti?","Isabel: Alex...","Alex: Oh, how could I even believe that you were actually interested in me? Oh, I've been such a fool.","(Alex walks off)","(Max and Liz are having fun at the rave)","(Across town, Sheriff Valenti and Amy De Luca are having dinner together)","Amy: The truth is...I think I was just a bit upset when that Topolsky person called me. Maria and I aren't as close as we used to be.","Sheriff: I'm never sure what's going on with Kyle these days. I mean, there was a time before Michelle and I broke up...","Amy: I know, I know. Maria used to tell me every single detail of her life. We'd have these long, intense conversations and...you know, and now she's just so guarded, I...take the whole Alex situation...","Sheriff: Alex?","Amy: Alex Whitman. Maria, Liz, and Alex used to be inseparable. They'd go everywhere together, do everything...she hardly even speaks to him now. She has not seen him in weeks. And she won't tell me what it's about.","Waiter: Sheriff. Uh, there's a phone call for you. It's an emergency.","Sheriff: Yeah? All right. I'm on my way.","Sheriff (to Amy): Amy, I am so sorry about this. There's been a disturbance across town.","Amy: Oh, it's ok.","(Max and Liz go outside for a little more privacy)","Max: It's uh, it's a little quieter out here.","Liz: Yeah. It's more private.","Max: So...","Liz: So...let's hope nothing explodes.","(As Liz and Max move to kiss, Kyle sees them and interrupts)","Kyle: Hi! Enjoying the party?","(Sirens sound as fire trucks and police cars arrive at the rave)","Max: Let's get outta here!","Fireman: Boys, evacuate!","(Liz and Max go back into the soap factory to look for Michael and Isabel)","Max: Let's get Michael and Isabel and get outta here!","Liz: Right.","(Liz looks for Isabel and\/or Michael and runs into Alex)","Liz: Alex. Where's Isabel?","Alex: What's going on?","Liz: We have to get out of here.","Alex: What?","Liz: We have to get outta here.","Punk: Here, take these.","(Punk hands Liz and Alex each a bottle of liquor)","Alex: Liz!","Sheriff: I need you 2 to come with me.","(Sheriff arrests Liz, Alex, and the Punks as Max looks back in concern)","(In the jail cell, one of the punks belches)","Punk: Good one, dude.","Liz: Alex.","Alex: Forget it, Liz.","Liz: I'm really sorry.","Alex: Don't talk to me, please.","Liz: This is gonna be ok.","Alex: Liz, will you shut up!","Punk: Dude...relax. This has happened to me like 10 times, man. Your parents are gonna be here in no time.","Deputy: Lyons, Coleman, Kalinowski, and Baker. Rise and shine! Parents are here.","Punk (to Alex): You see, I told you they'd come. Now look. They say a bond forms when you do time together. I love you, man.","Punk (to Liz): Ditto.","Liz: I think it has to be longer than 2 hours.","Punk: See you around.","Liz: Where are our parents?","Sheriff: They all agreed with me. Some time in jail might make the 2 of you remember what your priorities are. Or maybe even just one of you.","Liz: Alex.","Alex: Liz...","Liz: No, Alex, this is not as bad as it seems, I promise. Ok, we just...the 2 of us, we need to get our stories straight.","Alex: Liz! I'm in jail, ok? I'm now in jail! I'm through lying!","Liz: Alex...","(Outside the police station, one of the punks is trying to convince his father that they were innocent)","Punk: Obviously, it's not our fault, all right. They kept the other guys, not us.","Isabel: He let everybody else go except Liz and Alex. We are so screwed.","Max: It's gonna be ok.","Isabel: We should have told him.","Max: What?","Isabel: Alex. We should have told him about us. I...I know this sounds crazy, Max, but I feel something about him...like, he's ok...like, we'd be better off including him.","(Back inside the jail cells)","Liz: Alex...Alex...Alex, I just need to talk to you. Uh, I just want to...","Alex: Let me just ask you...did you arrange that whole Isabel thing?","Liz: What...what Isabel thing?","Alex: You know, I mean, uh...her trying to seduce me into keeping quiet?","Liz: I don't know anything about that, Alex, I swear.","Alex: Cuz it's...cuz it's just low, you know? I mean, she's just low. And I'm done. I'm done protecting you...or her, or anyone else you're associated with. Cuz I'm telling Sheriff Valenti everything. Verbatim. About replacing Max's blood at the hospital, discovering Topolsky was FBI, everything.","Liz: No, look, look, Alex...look, listen to me. You had just...you should just know all of the facts before you do something like this.","Alex: Well, I thought you said it wasn't your secret to tell.","Liz: Alex, the reason that Isabel did whatever it is that she did is not that she's low, she's just...she's scared.","Alex: Scared.","Liz: Yes.","Alex: Scared of what?","Liz: She...she's scared of being different.","Alex: Oh, come on. Save it.","Liz: Alex...Max and Michael and Isabel, they are different from us. They're different from us in a way that, if the wrong people found out, they would be in a lot of trouble.","Alex: I know the whole drugs thing is a load of crap, Liz. I mean, why would the FBI be so interested in 3 kids into drugs?","Liz: No, Alex, listen to me. This doesn't have anything to do with drugs. Alex...Max, Michael, and Isabel...they aren't from around here.","Alex: Where are they from?","(Liz points up)","Alex: What? Like, Wyoming?","(Liz points higher up)","Alex: Oh...ok, fine. Canada. They're Canucks. So what, you're saying the FBI is all over them because they're like...illegal aliens?","Liz: Yeah, sort of. Listen, Alex...they're from somewhere else.","Alex: Liz, what are you talking about?","Liz: God, there isn't any way for me to say this, but to just...but to just say this, ok? Look, Alex...they think they were in the 1947 crash. Ok, they were like in these incubation pods for a really long time...like 40 years, and they came out in like the form of humans...and now all of these people suspect them. That's why Topolsky's here, and that's why Valenti arrested us, and that's why we're here because he knows that I'm involved. I'm really sorry, Alex, but...you're involved, too.","Alex: Liz, are you ok?","Liz: Alex...you don't even understand. The past few months have been like absolute torture lying to you. I will never, ever lie to you again. I promise.","(Sheriff comes down to interrogate Alex)","Sheriff: Whitman! Sleep all right? What say we go down to my office?","Alex: No. Right here. I'm ready to talk.","Sheriff: All right. I wanna know what your involvement is with Liz, Max, Michael, and Isabel. And I wanna know what happened with Ms. Topolsky.","(Alex takes a look at Liz and then looks back at Sheriff Valenti)","Alex: I'm ready to talk about the fact that i'm a kid. I'm 16 years old. I'm a sophomore in high school, so what could I possibly have to do with a teacher leaving? What does any of this have to do with you, anyway?","Sheriff: I'm just doing my job, son.","Alex: I was at a party! And my only wish was that while I was there, I engaged in some sort of depraved activity, like drinking or s*x, but I didn't. I didn't break any laws.","Sheriff: Everybody who was at that party was trespassing on private property, and both of you were minors in possession of alcohol.","Alex: This has nothing to do with that party, does it? Sheriff, I want out of here...right now. I demand it, or I'm going to get a lawyer and I'm going to sue for abusive treatment of a minor. I may be 16, but I know my rights.","(Liz and Alex come out of the police station thanks to Alex's persuasiveness)","Liz: Alex, you were amazing.","Alex: Well, yeah. Yeah, I was.","Liz: Uh, so...um, how do you feel? You know, about what I said?","Alex: Well, part of me, uh...part of me feels like you've gone insane, and the other part of me feels like I want some of the massive doses of hallucinogens you've obviously been taking. But...I don't believe in aliens.","Liz: Neither did I...you don't believe me, do you?","Alex: I believe that you believe. Leave it at that.","Liz: Ok.","(Alex and Liz hug)","Alex: Get home safe.","Liz: Ok.","Alex: See you at school.","(Alex walks off)","(Liz is on the roof writing in her journal)","Voice-Over: The heat wave finally broke and I'm probably the only person in Roswell who didn't benefit from it. But it's for the best. Because if Max Evans and I had given in to temptation, if we had kissed each other even once, it would have taken us somewhere we both know we never should have gone.","Max: Liz! Are you there?","(Liz walks over to the edge of the roof and looks down to see Max)","Max: Hi.","Liz: Hi.","Max: Can I come up?","Liz: Yeah, sure.","(Max climbs up the ladder very quickly)","Liz: Very impressive.","Max: I try.","Liz: You really can't stay long.","Max: I know. I just wanted to tell you that I've been thinking a lot about last night.","Liz: Yeah, me, too.","Max: When I saw Valenti taking you away like that...it just hit home for me, you know? How much knowing me has screwed up your life.","Liz: No, it's just the opposite.","Max: Thank you for saying that.","Liz: It's the whole truth, Max.","Max: I better go.","Liz: Why?","Max: Cuz if I don't go right now, things are gonna change.","Liz: Change, how?","Max: I'm gonna have to touch your hair...cuz it's so soft...and I'd have to tell you that...no matter what we go through, it's all worthwhile for me because we're together.","Liz: And then?","Max: And then...I'd have to do this...","(Max gives Liz a light kiss)","(Scene fades out as Liz and Max share a long, passionate kiss)"],"Show Title":"Roswell","Episode Number":"01x08","Episode Title":"Heat Wave","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Roswell_01x15.json","Recap":["After Michael has a violent showdown with his father, Max and Isabel's father helps Michael set up his emancipation; the fourth alien emerges as a shape shifter who watches over Max, Michael and Isabel."],"Transcript":["\"Sexual Healing\" 16th Episode of Roswell","Production Code: 1ADA15","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Episode begins with a shot of a spot in the desert 2 miles from the crash site. Something is beeping)","(Switch to girls locker room at West Roswell High, where Liz is fantasizing about Max meeting her there)","Voice-Over: It's February 20th. I'm Liz Parker, and lately I've been having these feelings, like I'm changing inside, and part of me doesn't want to change. Part of me always wants to be my mom's little girl. But the thing is, these feelings are strong...dangerous, undeniable. It's like I have no choice. It's like...chemical.","(Scene shifts to the Crashdown where Liz has been sitting on a stool daydreaming about Max)","Maria: Liz, nice strawberries.","(Liz breaks out of her daydream and knocks over a basket of strawberries)","Maria: Are you ok?","Liz: Yeah, I'm...I'm fine.","(Max walks into the Crashdown in search of Liz)","Maria: You have a visitor. Mmm. Sweet.","(Maria walks by Max and gives him a strawberry)","Max: Hey.","Liz: Hey.","Max: I hope this isn't my fault.","Liz: Why would this be your fault?","Max: If I startled you.","Liz: No. You know, I always knock over strawberries this time of day. Always. I'm just gonna go get more berries from...","Max: Well, wait. Here's another one.","(Liz goes into the kitchen area and Max follows her)","Liz: What are you doin' here, Max?","Max: Well, I have orders from my planet to take over the Earth.","Liz: Besides that.","Max: I want to make sure we can still be friends.","Liz: Yeah. I mean, we are.","Max: Good.","Liz: Why wouldn't we be?","Max: We really haven't been able to talk since...that night.","Liz: Max, people do a lot of dumb things when they're drunk. Anyway, I understand.","Max: And we're friends?","Liz: Yeah. We're friends.","Max: Just friends?","Liz: Yeah. We're just friends.","(Liz turns around and starts to leave and Max grabs her and they start making out. As Liz becomes overwhelmed with emotion, she sees images of something flying through space)","(Opening credits)","Maria: Liz, you did not look normal.","Liz: I didn't feel normal, Maria. I...it was the most amazing, incredible...","Maria: Unbelievable, awe-inspiring...","Liz: No, Maria. This was different.","Maria: Different how?","Liz: Um...like beyond.","Maria: Wait.","Liz: What?","Maria: You guys didn't go...beyond?","Liz: No no no.","Maria: Gonna say...you were only out for 5 minutes.","Liz: I know. Listen, Maria, if I...when...when...when I actually do it, it is not gonna be in between a plate of Kielbasa and a deep fryer.","Maria: Hmm.","Liz: I saw things, Maria. Did you see things when you and Michael kissed?","Maria: What exactly did you see?","Liz: Stars.","(At school, Alex and Maria are walking down a hallway)","Maria: I have never seen her like this.","Alex: So this was like the kiss of the millennium?","Maria: Alex, if they actually do it, she'll probably explode.","Alex: Or maybe she'll explode if they don't do it.","(Max and Michael are also walking through a hallway at school)","Max: Did anything like that ever happen to Maria when you two...","Michael: No. Maxwell, let me assure you, you have not experienced anything I have not experienced many times or caused to be experienced.","Max: Then how can you call yourself my friend?","Michael: What?","Max: A friend wouldn't have kept something like that to himself.","(Max enters Astronomy class and his face lights up as he looks at Liz and sits next to her)","Astro Teacher: Ok, people. Hydrogen, oxygen, carbon. Created in the millisecond after the Big Bang. These simple molecules are the basis of all possible life forms in the universe, present and unaccounted for...or, so we think. The conceit that alien life forms would be like us in any essential way would be, uh, the wishful thinking of a lonely planet that once believed it was the center of the universe. So, we're going to combine hydrogen, liquid oxygen, and carbon today. Obviously, I don't expect any of you to create life here in third period science.","(As Mr. Seligman, the astro teacher, talks about science, Max and Liz flirt with each other. Liz mouths a \"hello\" to Max, who responds with a \"hi\". Max writes something on a slip of paper and passes it to Liz. Liz drops her pencil, and Max kneels down to pick it up. He touches Liz's hand and Liz starts to get a flood of images of something travelling through space. Liz starts to moan with all the feelings she's experiencing, which disrupts the class)","Liz: Ahh! Ohh!","Astro Teacher: Ms. Parker! Have you had an insight you wish to share with the rest of the class?","Liz: No.","(Max stands up, looking a bit guilty)","Astro Teacher: Mr. Evans?","Max: I was just returning her pencil.","Astro Teacher: I'd like to see both of you immediately after last period today in my classroom. The primordial experience known as...detention.","(Liz opens the slip of paper that Max had written a message on and reads the message: \"Eraser Room? 6th Period?\")","(Maria is walking around looking for Michael and finds him in the bleachers)","Maria: Oh, Michael. Hi.","Michael: Hey.","Maria: Did you hear?","Michael: The Max-Liz thing, with the flashes? She's your friend. What do you think?","Maria: That Max and Liz have discovered some new sensation? It seems somewhat unlikely.","Michael: Extremely unlikely.","(Cut to a scene where Maria and Michael are making out nearby a high-voltage box)","Maria: This feels good. This feels really good.","Michael: Yeah.","Maria: Oh, God. Oh, my God. Michael.","Michael: What?","Maria: I can't believe it.","Michael: What? What did you see?","Maria: I saw...a cluster of stars...like shooting through space. Um...this, like, incredible sunset, like near the rings of Saturn. Did you see anything?","Michael: Yeah, I saw you...as a little girl...trying to tie her shoelaces on her red sneakers.","Maria: You're kidding. The red sneakers?","(Max and Liz are making out in the eraser room again. Max sees an image of Liz as a little girl trying on makeup and dressing up in front of a mirror)","Liz: What?","Max: Nothing.","Liz: Ahh! Max, hold me.","(Liz sees the image of the saucer flying towards Earth and crashing into the desert)","(Max and Liz are making too much noise, causing someone to investigate)","(The principal is talking to Mrs. Evans and Mrs. Parker about the commotion that Max and Liz caused, while Max and Liz sit on a bench outside the principal's office)","Nancy: What exactly is an eraser room?","Principal: It's a small room that we use to clean the erasers so that chalk dust doesn't fly all over the school.","Diane: Wait. I'm a little lost. You mean Liz and Max were cleaning erasers when they created this disturbance?","Principal: No. They were what we used to call \"making out\". We're talking sexual activity here, not erasers. Why don't we go talk to them?","(The principal and the parents step outside the principal's office to the hallway)","Principal: Uh, Ms. Parker. Mr. Evans.","Liz: This...is completely wrong.","Nancy: What did I get wrong, Liz?","Liz: Well, It...it's just wrong that we're here. I mean, any of us.","Principal: Well, then, perhaps you and Mr. Evans should have been less noisy.","Nancy: You know, I think I've heard enough.","Liz: Mom, this is not what you're thinking right now. Don't you believe me?","Nancy: What is it?","Liz: Mom, it's just a mix-up.","Principal: They also cut 2 academic classes. Now, Liz and Max are honor students. I think we'd all like to keep it that way.","Diane: I'm sure there's an explanation for it. I'm certain that Max wouldn't miss any of his classes unless there was a good reason. Max?","(Max is at a loss for words)","(Liz and her mom are walking towards the school entrance)","Liz: Mom, this is no big deal, all right?","Nancy: You said that.","Liz: Mom, it's not like I never kissed a boy before in my entire life.","Nancy: You know, I don't think it's the kissing, but the actual volume that's the issue.","Liz: This is being totally blown out of proportion.","Nancy: Ok, we'll talk about this later tonight, ok? I want you to come straight home from school. Is that agreed? Hmm?","Liz: No, I can't. I have detention. Look, mom, I gotta go, ok?","Nancy: Ok.","Liz: Bye.","(Liz starts to head for class and runs into Alex)","Liz: Oh!","Alex: Liz, what's goin' on?","Liz: Alex, the most incredible thing is happening to me, but I...I don't even know what it is.","Alex: What?","(Alex goes to the cafeteria area and spots Isabel eating by herself. As Alex walks up to her, Isabel takes a bite out of a hot pizza and starts fanning her mouth. Alex searches through his lunch bag and gives Isabel a napkin)","Isabel: Hot!","Alex: You ok?","Isabel: Mm-hmm. Now I have that little piece of skin hanging down from when the pizza's too hot.","Alex: Yeah, well, um, speaking of hot...this whole Liz-Max thing?","Isabel: Mm-hmm?","Alex: Well, I was just wondering, you know, in the interest of science, kissing being purported to provoke these certain insights, I wanted to, you know, offer myself as a...as a human subject available for experimentation.","Isabel: It's not gonna happen, Alex.","Alex: Right...right...right. Thought I'd give it a shot.","Isabel: Yeah. You want some pizza?","Alex: Uh, yeah. Pizza's always good.","(At detention, Liz is looking at a poster of the Whirlwind Galaxy while waiting for Mr. Seligman to show up)","Astro Teacher: Ah, Ms. Parker. I'm happy to see you're taking a renewed interest in science.","(Liz looks like she's about to ask a question, then doesn't)","Astro Teacher: Well...well, go ahead. It looks like you have a question?","Liz: Yeah, what is this?","Astro Teacher: ah. Well, that's the Whirlwind Galaxy.","Liz: Could there be a red star, or a red something in this area that isn't on this chart?","Astro Teacher: Well, there could be a red giant.","Liz: A red giant. Isn't that...yeah, that's a star that's in its last stages of its life cycle, right?","Astro Teacher: Yes. A+ yet again. The problem is, the light from a red giant is weak...so weak we usually can't pick it up with our telescopes.","Liz: Oh. Um, well, thank you very much.","Astro Teacher: May I ask what has inspired your sudden interest in astronomy?","(Max walks into the room and Liz steals a glance at him before answering)","Liz: It's just beautiful...the universe is beautiful.","Astro Teacher: Yes...lovely. Ah. I see your partner in crime. Here are your detention assignments.","(Mr. Seligman hands each of them a sheet of paper and then walks towards Liz)","Astro Teacher: You are an excellent student, Ms. Parker. I'd hate to see anything get between you and the...uh...beauty of the universe.","(Mr. Seligman leaves)","Max: What was that about?","Liz: Uh, Max, I have to show you something. Max, you know the things I saw, the stars and everything? I didn't make them up. They're real. Max, I saw this. I saw it. Max, this afternoon...I think I saw the crash.","(Liz is working at her desk and her mom comes by, knocks on her door, and enters)","Nancy: Honey?","Liz: Yeah?","Nancy: Um...you really have strong feelings about this boy, don't you? Max, I mean.","Liz: Mom, I have like a really hard time talking about this kind of stuff.","Nancy: I have to talk about it, so if...if you can't talk right now, can you at least just listen?","Liz: Yeah.","(Mrs. Evans take a deep breath)","Nancy: Don't ever have s*x. Don't ever leave this house. Don't ever stop being my baby girl. Ok?","Liz: Mom...I'm not having s*x with him.","Nancy: That's good, because, um, once you enter that world...you know, sexual intimacy...everything changes.","Liz: Mom, I...","Nancy: I want you to know that you don't ever have to lie to me about this. Really. Ok?","Liz: Ok.","Nancy: Ok.","Liz: What?","Nancy: Just...one moment I look at you, you're my baby girl, and the next minute, you're a young woman.","Liz: Thank you.","(Max is at Michael's apartment talking to Michael and Isabel about what happened with Liz. Isabel is putting away some groceries)","Max: She said it was as if she was inside the ship looking out...when it came crashing toward Earth.","Michael: Did she see anyone else on the ship? Like our parents?","Isabel: Yeah, or Captain Kirk and the Klingons? You got a paper-towel holder?","Michael: No. What if it's real?","Isabel: It's not real. What's wrong with you guys?","(Isabel opens the refrigerator and takes a step back from the smell)","Isabel: Oh, God! Not even baking soda's gonna help with that.","Michael: You know what, Isabel? If you don't like my new place, you can leave. Continue.","Max: I see things from inside her head. Maybe she's seeing things stored deep inside me.","Michael: What do you see inside her head?","Max: I can't tell you. It's private.","Michael: Since when do we keep secrets from each other? Maxwell, come on.","Isabel: Do you have a juicer?","Michael: Isabel, you're pushing it.","Max: They're Liz's personal thoughts, Michael...not secrets.","Michael: Ok, yeah, so they're personal thoughts. How do you know they're real?","Max: I'm not sure.","Isabel: Can't you just ask her?","Max: I don't want to embarrass her.","Michael: Maxwell, if this is real...if there's any chance this is real, you owe it to us and to yourself to find out. And in the meantime, I'm gonna pursue my own avenues.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Maria and Michael are making out again)","Michael: Wow.","Maria: Michael...","Michael: Uh-huh?","Maria: Mmm. This feels really good.","Michael: Uh-huh.","Maria: These visions...flashes, or whatever...","Michael: Uh-huh.","Maria: I'm just, um...I'm not completely sure I've actually really had one.","(Michael stops kissing Maria)","Michael: What do you mean, you're not completely sure?","Maria: Michael, I, um...I faked it. Ok?","Michael: Why would you tell me that?","Maria: Why? Because I...I want us to be close.","Michael: You think that makes us close.","(Michael turns to leave)","Maria: Where are you going?","Michael: How do you expect me to react?","Maria: Like...a person? Talk to me?","Michael: Yeah. Well, I could act like a person, but then I'd have to fake it.","Maria: You know, maybe if you weren't so defensive and you didn't shut down all the time...","Michael: Then maybe what?","Maria: Maybe...it would happen.","Michael: I lied to you, too...about the shoes.","Maria: Really? 'Cause I did have red sneakers.","Michael: Everybody's got red sneakers.","(In the girls' locker room, Maria is telling Liz about what happened with Michael)","Liz: Why would you fake it?","Maria: Haven't you ever heard of the male ego?","Liz: Yeah.","Maria: The question is, why did I tell him that I faked it? You know what I mean? It just...oh, my God. Liz. Liz.","Liz: Mmm. What?","Maria: Come here. Come here.","Coach: Let's go, girls.","Maria: Just go look in the mirror.","Liz: Why? What is it?","Coach: De Luca. Parker. Now!","Maria: Coming. Ok, I'll cover for you. Just go.","Liz: Ok.","(Liz walks back towards her locker to go look in a mirror and sees Max walks into the locker room)","Liz: Max!","Max: Liz.","Liz: What are you doing here?","Max: I just...I wanted to see you.","Liz: Here?","Max: I had to know if something was real.","Liz: If what was real?","Max: Well, just like you seeing things...I've seen things. And...one of those...things...","(Max slowly looks around the room and there's a slight air of familiarity as in focuses on a shower head)","Liz: You saw my fantasy?","Max: I had to know if...if...what I saw was...really from you or if it was just my imagination, which...it definitely...definitely could've been. Except...I've never been in the girls' locker room. And now that I see it, and...well, it...it is the same room...I know I didn't make it up.","Liz: This is really horrible.","Max: No, Liz. It's incredible, really.","Liz: This is not incredible.","Max: Wait. Please? Listen. Please? The main thing is...I didn't just see what you saw. I felt...what you felt...when you saw me. And I never thought anyone could really...ever feel that way about me.","Liz: Really?","Coach: Parker!","(Liz motions to Max for him to follow her and they hide in one of the shower stalls)","Coach: Parker!","(The PE teacher leaves)","Max: Uh...Liz?","Liz: What?","Max: You have a hickey...and it's glowing.","(Max touches the glowing hickey and sees a rush of images of military personnel rushing towards something that is beeping)","Liz: This is getting really weird, Max.","(Back at Michael's apartment, Isabel and Michael are discussing how these images could be created)","Isabel: That would mean each of us has this information in some part of us we're just not not conscious of.","Michael: Or she's getting messages from somewhere or someone else.","Isabel: Nasedo?","Michael: I don't know. I mean, why did she see the crash, the soldiers? Maybe it was all planned this way...that this is how we'd find out who we really are...by connecting with humans.","Isabel: Connecting?","Michael: The more they connect, the more we find out.","(Max comes in)","Max: Uh, listen...Liz is on her way over.","Isabel: Ok. We'll leave.","Max: You guys don't have to leave.","Michael: Go for it, Maxwell, for the good of all mankind, you lucky, undeserving dog.","Max: Michael, that's not what this is about for me.","Michael: Don't make me beg you to do what you and Liz obviously want to do anyways. I really don't see a problem with it.","Max: The problem is treating someone I care about like a thing...to be used.","Michael: What, and that's what I'm about? Is that what you're saying?","Max: The words are coming from your mouth, Michael.","Isabel: Ok, you guys, stop. Enough.","Michael: Listen, Maxwell...you are a sensitive guy. And you have available to you one of the top 3 seduction lines in history...with \"it's gonna help me find my home planet\". And you're refusing to use it. No guy is that sensitive. Use it.","(Isabel turns off the lights and snaps her fingers, causing the candles in the room to light up to form a romantic atmosphere)","Michael: Nice.","Isabel: Mmm.","(Liz opens the door and enters)","Isabel: Hi.","Liz: Hi.","Michael: How's it goin'?","Liz: Strange.","Isabel: I'll bet.","Michael: All right. We're leaving now. But I got some Chaka Khan cued up in the CD player.","Isabel: We're leaving. Bye.","Liz: So, you told 'em, huh?","Max: Yeah.","Liz: And now everyone's just sort of cheering you on...like at a football game.","Max: No. No, it's...it's not like that. I mean...yes, they want us to keep going so we can find out where all this leads. But...that's not...","Liz: Max. I need to find out where all this leads, too. Look.","(Liz shows Max a strange rash that has appeared on her shoulder. Max puts his hand over it and it disappears)","Max: It's gone.","Liz: Thanks.","(Max moves his hand down Liz's arm, and a glowing light follows his hand)","Liz: Max...do you understand any of this?","Max: No.","Liz: Can you take your shirt off?","Max: Can I? Yeah.","(Max takes off his shirt and Liz tries to create a glowing light on Max's body by running her hand over his chest)","Liz: I can't do it to you.","Max: I'm glowing everywhere...my toes, my heart. You can't see it. It's on the inside.","Liz: No, Max. We can't do this.","Max: I know.","Liz: You know, could I, uh..could I get sick?","Max: I don't know anything. I don't even know who I am.","Liz: You know, the...the mark went away because...because you touched it. Maybe...maybe it came because we were away for...too long. That sounds really crazy, but...it would be a complete disaster.","Max: I can't ask you to do anything that might hurt you in any way.","Liz: I know.","Max: And I have no idea what that is...and what's right...or wrong.","Liz: I know. I mean...and you know things...about me that you, um...that you shouldn't know. And my mother...my mother, who I love, is just gonna kill me...if i don't die from this.","Max: You're right.","Liz: I can't stop.","(Liz and Max starts making out again, and we see another batch of images from the crash. Soldiers are running towards some beeping object being buried nearby a radio tower)","(Maria accidentally interrupts Max and Liz)","Maria: My God! I was looking for Michael. Um, something tells me he isn't here.","(Maria is driving Liz home)","Maria: Liz, what was going on in there?","Liz: What was going on?","Maria: Yeah, it looked like it was getting pretty serious...like, very serious.","Liz: Maria, I have my mother for these lectures.","Maria: I'm worried for you.","Liz: Why?","Maria: Because this isn't you.","Liz: Yes, Maria, see...this is. This is me. I'm sitting right next to you.","Maria: I just don't want you to go too far.","Liz: I think I want to.","Maria: Are you crazy? This is dangerous. This isn't like a game! We don't even know what could happen!","Liz: Look who's talking! You were the first one to take the plunge, Maria!","Maria: Michael and I just kissed. Ok, fine. We did a little more than kissing. But, look, I wasn't getting visions, and I didn't have glowing hickeys and rashes and...look, Liz, the bottom line is that we don't know what this is about, all right? Female spiders can, you know, bite off the males' heads after they mate. What if they need someone to mate with to get certain information, you know? And then...Blttt! You know?","Liz: What're you been trying to say? That Max is just gonna bite my head off?","Maria: Uh, no. What I'm saying is, how do you know that he's not like using you?","Liz: Maria, because it...it...it feels right. I'm sorry. It feels right in a way that nothing has felt right in my life before.","(Liz climbs on the roof and tries to sneak in undetected, but her mom is waiting for her)","Liz: Hi, mom.","Nancy: Do you think i'm stupid?","Liz: I'm sorry.","Nancy: Sorry's not good enough. Where were you?","Liz: Mom, will you just stop trying to control me?","Nancy: I am trying to keep you safe. If i need to control you...when have I even tried to control you?","Liz: Right, mom, because you've never had to! 'Cause I do every single thing you want, and y-you just think I'm always gonna be that way! You don't even see me.","Nancy: All right. Then...then help me to see you. Ok? Talk to me. Oh, my God. You're so warm.","Liz: Mom, no. I'm fine.","Nancy: You're not fine. You're burning up.","Liz: Mom! Just stop it! Ok? This is my body! I don't have to tell you every single thing about it!","(Liz runs into the bathroom and slams the door)","(Maria finds Michael lying on the hood of his car in front of the Crashdown)","Maria: Michael.","Michael: Hey.","Maria: I was, uh...I was looking for you at your apartment, but I found Max and Liz instead.","Michael: Yeah?","Maria: Yeah.","Michael: They still there?","Maria: No. I just drove Liz home.","Michael: Great. I don't have to miss the hockey game.","(Liz is on her roof, sketching something in her journal)","Max: Liz.","Liz: Hi.","Max: I couldn't sleep.","Liz: Yeah, neither could I.","(Max climbs up to the roof)","Liz: Hey.","Max: Hey.","Liz: Uh, look, Max, I saw something when we were...it was something being buried, and it felt like it was something...something important. It was here.","(Liz shows Max the drawing she was sketching...it's a tower of some sort)","Max: I know this. This is the old radio tower by Highway 42.","Liz: Max. Highway 42. Isn't that...","Max: Yeah. Just a couple miles from the crash.","Liz: Well, there's something buried there.","Max: I should go there with Michael.","Liz: Is that what you really want to do?","Max: No.","Liz: Look, all I know is that if we're gonna do this, we've gotta do it tonight.","Max: Are we...","Liz: Come on. Let's go.","(Liz and Max arrive at the area near the crash site)","Max: It should be around here somewhere.","Liz: Wow.","Max: That's what's really there all the time. If we could only see it.","Liz: So.","Max: So.","Liz: So we have to decide what our next step's gonna be.","Max: Right.","Liz: I guess we could just start...digging.","Max: Or, uh...","Liz: Or, um...we could look for the next clue.","Max: Yeah. The clue idea seems more, uh...","Liz: More efficient.","Max: Yeah. Right this minute...I can't...not touch you.","Liz: Let's just lie down.","(Max unfolds a blanket and spreads it out on the ground)","Max: Are you scared?","Liz: Well, I know I'm supposed to be, but...I'm just gonna put myself in your hands.","(A howl is heard)","Liz: What's that?","Max: It's a coyote.","(Max and Liz kiss some more and Liz winds up lying down on the blanket)","Max: Are you sure?","(A beeping sound is heard)","Liz: Oh, my God. Max, that's it.","Max: What?","Liz: That's the sound I heard in my vision.","Max: Shh. It's over there. Come on.","Liz: This is it, Max.","Max: Here. It's right here.","(Max and Liz start shoveling the dirt at the spot where the beeping is coming from. They hit something and a bright blue light shoots into the sky)","Liz: Max...something's down there.","(Max unearths a glowing rock with an alien symbol inscribed on it)","Max: It's the symbol from the cave painting.","Liz: Is this from your home?","Max: I don't know.","Liz: Maybe it's a signal...for...","Max: Maybe.","(Early the next day, Nasedo goes by the radio tower and sees Max and Liz sleeping together)","(Liz's mom knocks on Liz's door, enters, and finds her missing)","Nancy: Liz?","(Isabel walks up to Alex's house and knocks on the door)","Alex: Isabel.","Isabel: Max and Liz are missing.","Alex: Missing. Ok, let me, um...let me get the keys to my car. All right? We can go and find them.","Isabel: That's ok.","(There is an awkward pause as Isabel waits for Alex to make the first move)","Isabel: Ok.","Alex: Ok what?","Isabel: Ok, and kiss me.","Alex: K...K-kiss you?","Isabel: My brother's missing. I need to find him. Maybe we can generate some information.","Alex: Right.","Isabel: Maybe I'll get a flash of their location or something, so...go ahead.","Alex: Oh...yes. Yes, ma'am.","(Alex steps over to Isabel and kisses her)","Isabel: Nothing.","Alex: Oh.","Isabel: Nothing relevant to the current crisis.","Alex: Sorry.","Isabel: Ok.","(Isabel turns and start to walk away)","Alex: You know, I'm...I'm available for further experiments. You know. When-whenever.","(Liz and Max wake up and Max notices someone looking at them)","Nasedo: This is private property. You two better get home.","(Max picks up the alien rock and stuffs it in his bag and he and Liz leave for home)","(Maria goes to Michael's apartment)","Maria: Max and Liz aren't...","Michael: I heard.","Maria: Look, I just really need you not to be cold or mean. If that's impossible, you can just let me know.","Michael: You want to come in?","Maria: Yeah.","Michael: Have a seat.","Maria: Thanks. Can we talk about what happened?","Michael: Talk on.","Maria: I want you to know that what I said about you being all shut down and that's why I had to fake the flashes, that was...wrong and very unfair. If something went wrong, it was because of me. I'm the one who's scared. I mean, I fake all kinds of things all the time with everybody. It's just you were the first person I actually ever admitted it to.","Michael: Well...thanks for sayin' that, but it's not really true.","Maria: What do you mean?","Michael: It's not true about you being shut down all the time. I happen to know that for a fact.","Maria: Really? How?","Michael: Because you let me see you. The red sneakers, Maria. One had a Kermit patch on it, and the shoelaces were blue, and you had your dalmatian dog with you there, licking off your tears. And I saw a whole bunch of other stuff as well. Was I right?","Maria: Yeah. Um...that dog died when I was, like, 7. Right after my father left.","Michael: Kinda rough?","Maria: Yeah. I'd say so. I really didn't care about the stupid flashes. I just wanted us to be close.","Michael: Thanks.","(Michael kisses Maria on her forehead and reaches over and hugs her with his left arm)","Jeff: They're basically good kids. Right? They're just using bad judgment.","Phillip: Huh. Bad judgment big time.","Nancy: Maybe they shouldn't see each other for a little while.","Jeff: Well, why don't we give 'em a chance to explain themselves?","Diane: Well, what kind of explanation can there possibly be?","(Outside the Crashdown, Max has parked the jeep and he and Liz are kissing again)","Max: Any flashes?","Liz: No. And you?","Max: Don't think so.","Liz: Max...everything that we did, everything we felt...was it...was it all just about this...this thing? You know, we don't even know what it is.","Max: Yet.","Liz: Max, was it ever just about us? You and me? Because a person could feel like they just served their purpose. You know, like being used.","Max: Is that what you think? Because you're not the only one who could worry about being used. I mean, some girls would give a lot to see themselves fly through outer space. You know, I'm sure it doesn't compare to other things you could be doing, like watching Kyle barf after a beer blast.","Liz: I can't believe you just said that.","Max: Why not?","Liz: Because it really happened.","Max: You're kidding me.","Liz: No. I swear. Last summer. It was a really hot night...","Max: You know what? No, no...don't tell me.","Liz: Ok, so what you're saying is that you saved me from a life of watching Kyle barf.","Max: Liz Parker...I don't think that was ever gonna be your destiny.","Liz: No?","Max: No.","Liz: Ok. Fine. If you know so much, then tell me, Max...what's my destiny?","Max: I only know the part I'm hoping for.","(Episode fades out as Max and Liz hold hands and walk into the Crashdown Cafe)"],"Show Title":"Roswell","Episode Number":"01x15","Episode Title":"Sexual Healing","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Salem_02x04.json","Recap":["In the wake of the most recent attack against her, Mary seeks answers to who may be responsible. To that end-and despite Tituba's warnings-Mary begins to tutor Anne Hale in the ways of witchcraft, but her work may not culminate exactly as planned. Upon his return to Salem, Cotton meets Dr. Wainwright and despite their obvious initial differences of opinions, each discovers the other may have something to offer in their mutual task. John Alden continues to make his presence felt in Salem, and his actions have repercussions for him, and for others, in ways both political and physical. Mercy moves forward in her plans of revenge against Mary even when Dollie, her only follower, and her father refused to participate. Meanwhile, Mary and Wainwright continue to explore their mutual interests, and Mary and Tituba search for the witch hunter."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Mary: Witches! Kill them all!","Mercy: [Screams]","Mercy: [Hoarsely] Father... your baby's home.","Dollie: I would do anything for you.","Mercy: You'll be the means of my vengeance.","Mary: Hathorne wonders if you really came to town to cure the plague.","Wainwright: I seek the seat of the soul.","Mary: And where is it?","Wainwright: I believe it's right about here. I'll try and be gentle.","Mary: Don't bother.","Von Marburg: The last of the true witches.","Anne: I know nothing of the witches. I didn't even know I was one.","Von Marburg: We will meet again, little owl.","Petrus: I sense them, your tools of power. A witch dagger to kill, a moon stone to see, and a medicine bag to be unseen. Be careful with that one.","Mary: The role of magistrate cannot fall to an un-sympathetic foe. It must be a witch.","Tituba: Corwin is nowhere to be found. Whoever is out there, they are targeting us.","Mary: [Breathing heavily] In my own home. My own bathtub. How is it possible?","Tituba: Someone wants to kill you. First Corwin, now you.","Mary: No. No, I was helpless in its horrid grip, like a mouse would be in mine. No, if it wanted me dead, I would be dead.","Tituba: What, then? A warning?","Mary: Who in the hive has the power to challenge me?","Tituba: No one. Whether you know it or not, I have never done anything that was not in your best true interests. Yet your anger and mistrust prevents you from heeding my warnings.","Mary: [Sighs] Oh, warnings.","Tituba: I told you long ago to eliminate mercy. But you let her live long enough to do us real and permanent damage. Now, I tell you again. Do not ignore the very real danger that Anne Hale poses.","Mary: I have no fear of her.","Tituba: By the time you do, it will be too late. She has returned from Boston. And her power comes on fast... faster even than yours did. It is wiser to drown her now while still a kitten. Do not wait to face the full force of her claws.","Mary: We can do nothing until we know who it is who seeks to attack us. I will deal with Anne Hale. Go to Petrus. His many eyes must have seen something.","[Knife clatters]","[\"Cupid Carries a Gun\" plays]","\u266a Pound me the witch drums \u266a \u266a witch drums \u266a \u266a pound me the witch drums \u266a \u266a pound me the witch drums \u266a \u266a the witch drums \u266a \u266a better pray for hell \u266a \u266a not hallelujah \u266a","Collector: Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!","Man: Excuse me! I have one in here, but I'm too weak to lift him. Please help.","Collector: All right. Back away from the door. [Flies buzzing] Selectman Corwin?","[Grunts]","Alden: Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!","Hathorne: ... Very heart of our Puritan America... to judge our own cases. The Reverend Cotton Mather returneth. Like a dog to its vomit.","Cotton: Appalling. How can you keep prisoners in such conditions?","Hathorne: Well, perhaps you'd care to donate some of your father's estate to help pay for the cost of building larger and more sanitary holding cells for accused witches. What are you doing here anyway? I'd heard you'd been admonished not to interfere any further with Salem's affairs.","Cotton: Salem's affairs are every man's affairs. But in fact, I come as a family friend to offer solace and spiritual advice to Anne Hale.","Hathorne: [Chuckles] Well, truly, sir, if you had any concern for her well-being, surely the kindest thing you could do would be to stay miles away from her. I'm sure her father would...","Cotton: Her father would be appalled at how you fill his shoes as magistrate.","Hathorne: I am magistrate now, and I will deal with prisoners as I see fit. Really, Mather. You're not needed here. Salem is almost as sick of witch hunters as it is of witches.","Anne: How dare you summon me like an errant child?","Mary: Such a big menace for just a small girl.","Anne: I am neither menace nor a girl.","Mary: No? There was an incident last night outside one of the checkpoints into Salem. One man killed, another man frightened witless.","Anne: I intended none of that. It just happened.","Mary: You are like a keg of gunpowder ready to explode. I'm afraid I've made my decision. I simply cannot allow you to live on like this in Salem.","[Door closes]","[Pounding on door]","Anne: No. You let me out. You cannot...","Mary: I can. Child, I could kill you 100 ways. I will not lie. Others have urged me to do just that. And I am fully prepared to cut your candle short.","Anne: What do you want?","Mary: Merely to help you be you. I know you find it hard to believe, but I hold no malice against you.","Anne: And yet you would kill me 100 ways.","Mary: As I would a savage untrained dog. But first, I might try to train it. And if that dog would accept the muzzle, then I might find that it no longer posed a threat to every innocent that passed by, may even become a... trusted companion.","Anne: Death or submission.","Mary: Or alliance.","Anne: How do I begin?","Mary: There is no magic without... arousal. Just relax. Close your eyes. Shh. Now imagine someone. A man, perhaps. You may know him. His breath in your ear. His hands on you. His lips on your neck.","Anne: [Gasps]","Mary: Come. I have something for you. Your book of shadows. Some books are made to be read, others to be written. Every one of us must keep one... a private grimoire of all our thoughts and dreams, our magic and experiments, all our deeds, dark and light. If it be worked properly, no one but she who inscribes it will be able to read what it contains, at least not while the author still lives.","Anne: And after they are gone?","Mary: After the death of a witch, the book finds its way to the Samhain. This ensures the survival of the discovery of witches so that the old ways are not lost. Some of these go back hundreds of years to some of the earliest Essex witches. In fact... I have your father's book. That's how I knew he was dead. The book appeared that morning. Now go home and inscribe your book. You may write with ink, but first you must sign it with blood.","Anne: What?","Mary: Yes. The deep magic, the strong and permanent kind, always requires a little blood. Your blood signature guards it from all eyes but yours.","Anne: Ow.","Mary: See? It's that easy. Do that at home, and with it write, \"Anne Hale,\" and \"this is my book of shadows.\" When you do, your familiar will come.","Anne: My familiar?","Mary: You'll know it when you see it. I will come for you tonight at the witching hour and we shall complete your initiation.","[Indistinct chatter]","Cotton: May I ask what you are doing?","Wainwright: [Sighs] If you're capable of understanding the answer, yes. If not, I would advise watching in silence.","Cotton: I read at Harvard, sir.","Wainwright: Theology, no doubt. What an extraordinarily useless and twisted branch of the tree of knowledge.","[Sighs] Please forgive me. I can't seem to open my mouth today without insulting someone. Blame this infernal pox. It's got my mind twisted in frustration.","Wainwright: Wainwright.","Cotton: Just the man I was hoping to meet... the new doctor. I've come from Boston precisely with the pox weighing heavily on my mind. I intend to help stop it if it's not too late.","Wainwright: And you are... ?","Cotton: Cotton Mather.","Wainwright: Oh. You sent correspondence to the Royal Society.","Cotton: Why, yes. Are you a member?","Wainwright: An associate, and I distinctly recall one of your missives read aloud at our last meeting. You sent a sketch of a... um, a... a misshapen stillborn fetus. Apparently a grand sign of the devil's immanent arrival.","Cotton: Yes, it was truly remarkable. It...","Wainwright: It caused no small mirth. I seem to remember Sir Isaac...","Cotton: Isaac? Sir Isaac Newton? He was there?","Wainwright: There? He popped several buttons on his waistcoat he laughed so hard. [Chuckles] You did intend it to be funny, didn't you?","Cotton: I was there, sir. You were not.","Wainwright: Well... Take a look at this.","Cotton: What is it?","Wainwright: A heretofore unidentified bile taken from the poor souls of Salem afflicted by this pox. And I've never seen a pox like this.","Cotton: But you've never seen a witch pox.","Wainwright: No one has as there is no such creature as a witch, let alone a disease caused by one.","Cotton: Well, perhaps when all rational explanation is exhausted, only the impossible remains.","Wainwright: You're all right, Mather, for a damn Harvard man.","Cotton: [Chuckles]","Wainwright: By a stroke of luck, I believe I have located the original carrier of the pox.","Cotton: The very first afflicted?","Wainwright: I believe so. His name is Isaac... Isaac the Fornicator. He was branded by the benighted bigots of this little town.","Cotton: Isaac? I know him well. Thank Christ he still lives.","Wainwright: Better thank me. I'm the one who found him. Where is Isaac? Where's my patient?! Young lady, where is he?","Dollie: Poor Isaac was sleeping last night when I left.","Wainwright: The boy could barely move. He didn't just wander off. It's crucial we find this man.","Dollie: I don't know what happened.","Woman: [Coughs]","Wainwright: Mm. He may have been snatched or at least not in his right mind. When I found the boy, he was in possession of more gold than he could have earned in a dozen lifetimes. And yet he left it here.","Cotton: The Malum.","Wainwright: Well, that, too, I found near Isaac. What, you recognize this curiosity, Mather?","Cotton: Yes. It's a legendary magical object used by witches to complete their grand rite and loose death upon the world. You say Isaac was very... very possibly the first to be afflicted by the pox. He had upon him a bag of gold and this... the very weapon of the witches. Could Isaac have been hired by witches to start this plague?","Wainwright: [Laughs] I can't begin to discern the sense from the nonsense you talk, and I do regret losing Isaac, but fortunately, I drew enough blood from him to continue my work with inoculation. That way lies the cure.","Isaac: [Gasps] Wh... where am I?","Mercy: [Wheezing]","Isaac: Mercy? Oh, uh, Lord, I'm sor...","Mercy: Don't look at me!","Isaac: [Whimpers]","Mercy: [Inhales sharply] Be not sorry. I'm not. And now you, her Isaac, shall be my Isaac... my offering in turn to that goddess of bitches, Mary Sibley.","[Door opens]","Dollie: Isaac's disappearance has raised an alarm. They're searching for him even now. Cotton Mather seeks him.","Mercy: Well, then, Dollie, my doll, you had best make sure they do not find him.","Isaac: Why do you hate Mary Sibley so? What has she ever done to you?","Mercy: Oh, dear Isaac. You have no idea, do you? She, not I, is the real monster.","Dollie: I'm sorry.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Knife scraping]","Man: Get that stinking pile out of here. Hey!","[Keys jangling]","Man #2: Please, sir. Please.","Mary: Don't think me ungrateful, Reverend Mather, but how come you to be here? You saved my life, but I begged you to never return to Salem again. It is far too dangerous.","Cotton: I did fear I made a mistake returning here to the scene of all my crimes. But now I know this is where I am meant to be.","Mary: And that is?","Cotton: The Malum, the cause of the plague that decimates Salem even now. And proof I was right. If only my father had listened to me. If he believed me, we might have stopped the grand rite and he might yet live.","Mary: And this... thing shows you your purpose here how?","Cotton: It reminds me that I am here to undo all my father's errors. He was wrong about everything... wrong about the Malum being a figment of my imagination, wrong about you being a witch... and wrong about John Alden. They think John Alden killed my father.","Mary: Perhaps it's for the best. They can never know the truth, and John is beyond their reach now.","Cotton: Beyond the sea?","Mary: Beyond all seas. Gone.","Cotton: Dead? [Sighs] I am sorry for that. I entertained a hope that someday I might tell him how sorry I was. Now he'll never know.","Mary: We all have such thoughts. Can I tell you something I've never spoken out loud before? He was the only man I ever loved. And the saddest part is he died not knowing it.","[Indistinct shouting]","Hathorne: Ah, Mrs. Sibley, not a sight for delicate eyes.","Mary: My eyes are many things, magistrate, but delicate is not one of them.","Wainwright: He bled to death, but not, I suspect, before enjoying some torture. His tongue, it seems, was cut out and a message left.","Hathorne: \"Liars?\" What does that mean?","Mary: I'll tell you what it means, Mr. Hathorne. You have won your place in history, that's for sure.","Hathorne: Madame, I...","Mary: The worst jail break in the history of this colony. In broad daylight, a selectman brutally murdered, his abused corpse left as a calling card, all on your very first day at the job.","Hathorne: The man responsible will be found.","Mary: Sadly, the man responsible stands before me. And we might wonder upon the strange coincidence that the very man whose absence led to your appointment as magistrate hangs dead before us.","Hathorne: You can't possibly suggest that I...","Mary: I suggest nothing, but that you are a spectacular failure as guardian of the law and not fit to lead a beggars' parade, let alone Salem.","Tituba: Petrus is dead.","Mary: What?!","Tituba: Murdered. It appears our witch killer has struck again.","Mary: His eyes?","Tituba: Gone.","Mary: No matter. They have attacked me in my own home, murdered one of our own, but they made a fatal error leaving behind their victim's fresh body. Now we have them. Corwin's hand will point straight to the witch killer.","Anne: Anne Hale. This is my book of shadows. [Mouse squeaks] [Chuckles] What an adorable little brown thing you are. Come here. Oh, don't eat me. Mr. Jenkins, I will call you. Brown Jenkins. Three innocent people are dead because of me, including my own mother and father, so this is my promise to you, book, and to you, little Brown Jenkins, and to myself... I will master this power inside me, but I will use it for the common good. I will do no harm.","Mary: Do you seek to make the dead speak like a necromancer?","Wainwright: Someday, science will make the dead reveal all their secrets. For now, I am merely lifting the edge of the curtain. Come. I'll give you a peek of what I've found, if you're not afraid.","Mary: [Chuckles]","Wainwright: You feel this? The ridges on the stump of the tongue.","Mary: Yes.","Wainwright: I was wrong. His tongue was not cut out. He bit it off himself. They're calling it \"autopsy,\" a postmortem examination. You know what that means? The act of seeing with one's own eyes.","Mary: Would you mind taking me outside for some fresh air? Even I have my limits to what my eyes see and my hands feel.","[Door opens]","Wainwright: I don't believe you. You do not feel weak at all. I can tell.","Mary: Then why am I out here with you?","Wainwright: Well, that remains to be seen. You are a most unusual woman, Mary Sibley, truly exceptional.","Mary: Really? In what way?","Wainwright: Well, I've known other women as beautiful and as intelligent, but it's something else.","Mary: Do tell.","Wainwright: You're like me. The body holds no horror for you, nor, it seems, death itself. Only fascination and... Delight. I have waited all my life with no hope of meeting someone who I might stare with.","Mary: Stare?","Wainwright: Into the abyss. Why are you here? Because you liked what you felt... And you're ready for more?","Mary: [Breathing heavily]","Wainwright: The road to the palace of wisdom is arduous and long. Do you think you might... like to walk that road with me?","Both: Now open, lock, to the dead man's knock, fly open, bolt and bar and arrow, find the one who spilled this blood, to him now point your marrow. Now open, lock, to the dead man's knock, fly, bolt and bar and arrow...","Mary: The visions were clear. Knocker's Hole.","[Indistinct shouting]","Mary: Seal off all the alleyways. No one is to enter and none to leave. The finger points this way.","Tituba: The killer was here. He's gone now.","Mary: Check outside. He might still be near.","Tituba: There's no sign of them.","Mary: Patience. There's no place to hide for long in my Salem.","Alden: [Groans]","Mary: Place guards on every entrance to Knocker's Hole. No one is to leave. This witch hunter will not escape me.","[Rumbling]","Tituba: What is it?","Mary: I felt it... the presence of the one who attacked me. She came from here. They came by water. This was their conduit, the means by which they gained entry into Salem. Like a rat in a sewer, they came through the well.","Tituba: Then they could come again at any time.","Mary: No. I will make sure that whatever came last night cannot come again without fair warning. I'll make a water charm to warn me if it draws near. I need but a taste of their signature.","'Tis a simple task.","Tituba: Hardly simple and highly unpleasant.","Mary: Well, then I'll get the young Anne Hale to perform the ritual for me. Time to dirty her hands, and the rest of her.","Isaac: [Moaning] [Whimpers] [Moaning] [Screams] [Whimpers] What are you doing to me?","Mercy: Preparing you for the spell.","Dollie: You're gonna kill him. Please stop. Isn't Isaac one of us... the abused and abandoned of Salem?","Isaac: [Moans]","Dollie: You said so yourself that he was betrayed by Mary, left to die just like we were. [Exclaims]","Mercy: Like some of us were, Dollie, dear. Stop! Looking! At! Me!","Isaac: Mercy, please. Leave her be.","Mercy: Leave her? Leave her? No! I'll leave her in the grave if she back talks again.","Isaac: Why?","Mercy: Sweet Isaac, it is simple... simple like you, like my father's Bible lessons. Nothing new under the sun. That which is done unto us must be done unto others. That is the way of the world. To everything, there is a season, a time to every purpose in hell. A time to reap, a time to sow. Yes.","Isaac: No.","Mercy: The season of the witch.","[Bell tolling]","Mary: Now we will complete your initiation.","Anne: Where is everyone?","Mary: I spread word of another outbreak. All hide away, quaking with terror. Last night, I was behagged in my own home. My assailant used the water in this well to reach me, right here in the very heart of our domain. Last night, they had the element of surprise. Now we must take it from them. You must take it from them.","Anne: Me? What can I do?","Mary: You can capture the magical signature of the witch who threatens us in this. It will give us fair warning if they dare draw near again.","Anne: What do I have to do?","Mary: There is no magic without sacrifice. So to begin, you must drown an animal at the bottom of the well. Hold the vial beneath the surface of the water till it is filled and recite the incantation to seal the well. Then bring the water charm to me.","Anne: No. Give me something else to do. I can't go down the well. I've been terrified of small spaces ever since I was a child.","Mary: And you have been crippled by that fear, made meek and small, and embryo goodwife shut up in your Puritan house like a Puritan mouse. But you can be more than that, Anne. Under us, soon all women can. But you cannot taste freedom until you confront your most crippling fear.","Anne: We must drown an innocent creature?","Mary: No creature is innocent. And neither are you.","Anne: No. I cannot do it.","Mary: You will go down the well.","Anne: You cannot make me.","Mary: I swear, little ginger witch, I will hurl you down that well and watch you drown if you do not stop resisting.","Anne: [Breathing heavily] All right! Stop! I'll do it.","[Rope creaking]","Anne: [Breathing shakily] Please. No. No, please. [Thuds] What are you doing? Please. Aah! Aah! [Breathing shakily] [Exclaims] [Cat meows] Breathe your last, be empty shell... and by your death... My words compel. [Crying] [Rumbling] Water, water, drawn from hell, let the boil, your steps foretell. [Gasps] [Screams]","Von Marburg: We meet again, little owl.","Anne: Water, water, drawn from hell... by my words, seal this well! [Breathing heavily]","Mary: See? That wasn't so bad.","Anne: Tonight, Mary Sibley bade me confront my fear and go down into the well. [Spits] And so I went to create a warning charm. I drowned the animal. I filled the vial. I saw the hag. She spoke to me in the voice of the Countess Marburg, and I do not know who I fear more... Mary Sibley... or this Countess Marburg.","[Knock on door]","Wainwright: I demand an explanation, Madame.","Mary: For what, exactly?","Wainwright: The pox spreads like fire, and now there are reports of an outbreak in Andover. I must know if it is the same pox, but your militia will not let me leave Salem to investigate.","Mary: You dare to walk into my house in the dead of night uninvited. My husband will have your neck.","Wainwright: I am a doctor. I have seen your husband. That's hardly a credible threat.","Mary: The people of Andover are not my concern or yours. The citizens of Salem are under quarantine, one you yourself supported.","Wainwright: That edict was for others. I did not intend it to apply to me.","Mary: Oh. Oh, just days in Salem and already Puritan hypocrisy is rubbing off on you.","Wainwright: You well know that I am far from puritanical.","Mary: Do I? You talk of pain and ecstasy. You came to seek the seat of the soul, but I see no evidence that you have the courage to touch mine. Perhaps if you wish to address the seat of my soul, you might consider another approach.","Wainwright: Such as? A man of science, unlike a Puritan, can take as well as give instruction.","Mary: You once said that I was like the queen Elizabeth of Salem. How would you have approached good Queen Bess if you wanted something from her.","Wainwright: On my knees. Of course, I not only know the... duty... [Fabric rips] ... that a subject owes his monarch. I also understand the ties that bind them together.","Cotton: I wish you could be here to see the truth of what I told you. I was right. If only you had listened. [Chuckles] If you had only listened. [Creaking] Who's there?","[Footsteps]"],"Show Title":"Salem","Episode Number":"02x04","Episode Title":"Book of Shadows","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Salem_02x10.json","Recap":["As the Countess Marburg prepares for the imminent arrival of the \"Starry Messenger\" and her lover, the Dark Lord, Mary stages a last ditch effort to thwart the eternal Witch's plans, but her failure rest in the hands of John Alden and Cotton who each have something important at stake. After receiving devastating news, Anne Hale finds she is faced with making a time-sensitive decision, to either join Count Marburg or lose Cotton, and it takes knowing words from another interested party to strengthen her resolve. Even so, the young Witch finds herself at a crossroads but continues to give Little John up for Cotton's life. Meanwhile, Cotton Mather faces his imminent demise-the result of Magistrate Hawthorne's jealous treachery-until Alden intervenes. But his rescue could come at a price that he may be unwilling-or even unable-to pay."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","[Clang]","[Hisses]","Anne: Aah! Cotton!","Mary: What have you done with my son?","Countess Marburg: When the comet blazes overhead tomorrow night, little John will be baptized in the river of hell-blood.","Mary: We do have a son. And they mean to kill him. But you will be waiting for them.","John: And where will you be?","Mary: On the bitch's ship, finding her Achilles' heel.","Sebastian: I saw you with him last night. Imagine what that would feel like with a fellow adept. Think of your boy. If you ever want to see him again, leave the good doctor to me.","Cotton: Will you marry me? Hathorne, listen to me. This is much bigger than our rivalry over Anne Hale.","[Screaming]","Hathorne: Make sure he's dead by the time you reach Amherst.","[Indistinct talking]","Countess Marburg: \u266a hush-a-by baby \u266a \u266a in your wee boat \u266a \u266a when the waves rise \u266a \u266a the cradle will float \u266a \u266a when the waves die \u266a \u266a the cradle will fall \u266a \u266a and drown little baby \u266a \u266a cradle and all \u266a","Boy: I want to go home.","Countess Marburg: Soon, child, all the world shall be your home.","Boy: But I want to see my mother.","Countess Marburg: You will see her once more tonight. But until then, you must learn what will be expected. There will be a celebration tonight. And you will be the most important guest. And the sky will blaze with the comet. And incantations will be strung together like pearls on a necklace. Now, I do not want you to be afraid. So you must be prepared for how it is done.","Boy: Why? Why must I be baptized?","Countess Marburg: So that you can be born again. More powerful than before, with me at your side.","Boy: I do not want you. I want my mother beside me.","Countess Marburg: Oh, I understand. I once had someone that I loved dearly, and I lost him. But he will come again soon. So soon, I can taste it.","Boy: [Muffled shout]","Countess Marburg: [Sighs] True hearts will always be reunited. One simply has to wait, even if for centuries.","Boy: [Muffled shouting]","Countess Marburg: [Sighs] Mmm!","Boy: [Gasping]","[Gasping]","[\"Cupid Carries a Gun\" plays]","\u266a Pound me the witch drums \u266a \u266a witch drums \u266a \u266a pound me the witch drums \u266a \u266a pound me the witch drums \u266a \u266a the witch drums \u266a \u266a better pray for hell \u266a \u266a not hallelujah \u266a","[Birds chirping]","Cotton: [Grunts] What are you doing?! Unhand me! I am recalled to Boston, nothing more.","[Breathing heavily]","[Chains rattling]","[Gun cocks] I am not your enemy. I pose you no threat. Do not do this.","[Gun cocks]","[Gasps]","Man: Say your peace, brother.","Cotton: Dear lord, forgive me my trespasses.","[Breathing heavily] Protect my Anne from the terrors that await her. And forgive them, Lord. They know not what they do.","[Gunshot]","Man: [Grunts]","[Breathing heavily]","[Shouts, grunts]","Cotton: [Breathing heavily]","Man: You were right. They didn't know what they were doing.","John: But I do.","[Horse whinnies]","Cotton: But how? How did you know where to find me?","John: I told you this before. I'm not the man I was... for better and for worse.","Cotton: Well, Hathorne appears to want me dead, and what is it you want from me?","[Chains rattling]","John: An exorcism.","Cotton: An exorcism?","John: There's a boy.","Cotton: A boy? Who?","John: Look, all you need to know is that without him, the entire witches' plan falls to nothing, but if we don't get the devil out of him... We're done... all of us.","Cotton: And you have this boy?","John: No. But I'm working on it.","Cotton: You yourself told me that you killed a man just because he knew your name. So, why don't you just... kill the boy? An exorcism is a very dangerous rite to perform, and we might not make it out alive.","John: Did you ever believe that saving someone... Was the only thing that mattered? That saving them was... the one and only hope you had? I need you, Cotton.","Cotton: If it must be done. There is one thing I need to do first.","Mary: You came.","John: Not for you.","Mary: I know. But at least it means you are here to save our son.","John: Are you sure the boy is really yours, let alone mine?","Mary: I'm sure. And when you look into his eyes, you will be, too.","John: Well, Cotton's on board. So, what's the play?","Mary: I've come from the docks. The countess has our son on board. But for all her power and knowledge, she does not know you even exist. To keep living century after century, she carries with her the first body she inhabited. Find it, destroy it, and the bitch can be run through with a dull blade.","John: That, I can do. If I still had one.","Mary: [Sighs] Whoever gave you these knew what they were doing. It will protect you.","John: Yeah, if it doesn't kill me.","Mary: The Marburgs are not like the other witches you've killed. You will need every advantage you can have.","John: And you?","Mary: I must wait until tonight... when they take our son to the woods to baptize him. The ship will be unguarded, but I won't have much time. They will be expecting me to join them, so... I must do something that I've never tried before. A trick I saw Marburg herself do. It will take every ounce of my strength to maintain.","John: And if they see through your trick?","Mary: They will slaughter him. But I wager that she holds her own life above all other things. It's where she and I differ. [Bell tolling in distance] There is one other thing I wish for, though I know I'll never get it. Your forgiveness.","John: We've both done things... no one can forgive. Nor either of us forget.","Mary: Once you've got our son, get him someplace safe. If I survive, I'll find you.","[Footsteps receding]","[Door opens]","Mother: Come along, my dear.","Daughter: Yes, Mother.","Hathorne: Your enemies are not here. Only your friends and your neighbors. True, we feel abandoned. Lord knows where our good Doctor Wainwright has gone. The Reverend Lewis, too, is nowhere to be found. And it appears we have depended on the wrong people to lead us. The Sibleys have led us to the very precipice of apocalypse. In our time of...","Countess Marburg: And where is our Mary? You were to keep an eye on her.","Sebastian: I know it is your way to find me at fault in every matter, Mother. But perhaps you misjudged her. Or perhaps, her love for her son is simply stronger than yours.","Countess Marburg: Far from being her strength, it is her fatal weakness. And I have loved you in ways no woman ever has. Let us not be divided. Not now that we are so close to the goal.","Sebastian: Your goal, you mean. I've begun to wonder whether my turn will ever come.","Hathorne: Was not the star in the east once a sign of true redemption for all humanity? And perhaps this glorious comet from our lord... Promises hope. Salem... The new Jerusalem. [Inhales deeply] Let us rise, and let us pray. Our Father, which art in heaven...","All: Hallowed by thy name.","Mary: Thy kingdom come, thou will be done on earth as it is in heaven.","All: Give us this day...","Countess Marburg: I thought you'd abandoned us and yourself.","Mary: As you suggested... like the other Mary, I accept that my son must be sacrificed for a higher end.","Countess Marburg: Excellent. You know, I saw her once. Mousy little thing. I don't know why their lord chose her.","Mary: Nor why ours picked me.","All:... Forever and forever. Amen.","Hathorne: And as you go about your day... Peace be with you.","Countess Marburg: Their lord may forgive, but I don't. Be on the road with us tonight, or I will delight in destroying what you hold most dear, and then I will find you and keep you alive long enough for you to see me take my first bite... out of your heart.","Mary: My heart? You're welcome to it. But I think it might be a little bitter for your taste.","Sebastian: Would you like me to describe your lover's final moment? He was like an excited schoolboy until his face sank beneath the hell-blood.","Mary: I find jealousy makes a man ugly.","Sebastian: Perhaps. But it is the natural tribute men pay to those they desire.","Mary: Your tribute means as little to me as your desire. A woman can tell when a man is already dedicated to another. In your unusual case, your mother.","Sebastian: Really? Well, you must know I did it for you.","Mary: For me? Killed my friend, my ally?","Sebastian: He was a deadly distraction as you walk a very narrow path over a most dangerous precipice.","Mary: Do not pretend that sending his living soul into the jaws of hell was an act of chivalry. You only care because your mother needs me.","Sebastian: No! You will see. Trust me.","Mary: Trust you? No, you have already broken promises to me. You as much as said you would help my boy if I let you take Wainwright.","Sebastian: Do nothing foolish, and you will be reunited with your boy in good time.","[Dog barking in distance]","Hathorne: Miss Hale. If I might impose.","Anne: You seem incapable of not. Can't it wait?","Hathorne: I am afraid it cannot. It concerns Cotton Mather.","Anne: I expected to see him in meeting. Where is he?","Hathorne: Ah. That is a question beyond human answer.","Anne: What are you saying, sir?","Hathorne: There is no gentle way to say this. He has been killed. His coach was attacked by Indians. I felt it my duty to inform you and to comfort you.","Anne: He was just here. [Sighs] I still see his face before me.","Hathorne: But you do understand, these are troubling times and you, all alone. Life must go on. I... I accept that you chose Mather over me, and if he were still alive, I wouldn't dream of pursuing you. But seeing as he is not, I know you will do the wise thing. The very thing I'm sure he would want you to do.","Cotton: And what exactly would I want her to do?","Anne: [Gasps] Cotton! He said you were dead!","Cotton: And who would know that but the person who paid for my execution?","Hathorne: Absurd! You have no proof of such a wild accusation!","Cotton: Two of your men now lay dead in the woods, and I'm sure when the facts are laid before the elders in Boston, my crime of returning to Salem will pale in comparison to yours in attempting my murder. Would you like to stand beside me and compare stories?","Hathorne: [Grunts]","Cotton: [Sighs] Shh. Shh, shh, shh. I am alive. But it may not be for long. Tonight, I must fight the greatest battle I have ever known. And there is a chance I will not be on this earth tomorrow.","Anne: Well, then you mustn't go. I will not allow it. I cannot lose you, Cotton. You are all I have.","Cotton: Which is why we must wed. Now. So, please... My dear Anne... Take your vows with me today under the eyes of God.","Hathorne: I'm honored to be here. Salem is mightily enriched by your presence, as I am by your guidance. Now, what was this urgent and confidential information I was told you had?","Sebastian: I do believe some things are purely private matters. Mother has convinced me that in times like these, even the most personal of matters must be public.","Anne: I, Anne Hale, take thee... Cotton Mather, to be my wedded husband... Till death us do part.","Cotton: And I... Cotton Mather... Take thee... Anne Hale... To be my wedded wife... Till death... Do us part. I have written a last will and testament. It states the fact that you are my wife and sole heir.","Anne: If you love me, don't go.","Cotton: Because I love you, I must.","Anne: Please, Cotton, tell me. Where are you going?","Cotton: If I told you, it would endanger you, as well.","Anne: Cotton! Please come back to me.","Cotton: I will certainly try. Mrs. Mather.","Anne: [Chuckles]","[Cries]","[Sighing]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mary: Strange... You seem different. I believe much has happened to you since we last met.","Anne: I'm married.","Mary: Congratulations. Your spell worked.","Anne: Perhaps. But it is not, I think, stronger than death.","Mary: Little is. Why so philosophical on your wedding day?","Anne: I fear Cotton is engaging in something dangerous tonight.","Mary: I'm quite certain he is.","Anne: Then you know what it is?","Mary: All too well, which is why my errand with you now. If you are to ever see your husband again, you must heed me.","Anne: Do you ever speak anything but threats?","Mary: I promise you, my dear, it is not my threat but the countess' you must fear. Tonight, I will engage her in a kind of battle. Of wills, if nothing else. And after I do, Cotton's battle will be just beginning.","Anne: I don't understand. He told me nothing, and you speak in riddles.","Mary: Then I shall speak plainly. The countess herself told me that she would kill Cotton before all other puritans. You do not know this witch as I do. You cannot... you must not trust her.","Anne: But instead, I should trust you?","Mary: I do not ask you to trust me. Trust no one. Only yourself. And your father's voice if you have heard it. And I believe you have. Your father's book of shadows was taken from my library. Did you think I would not know it was you who took it?","Anne: I shouldn't have stolen it, but the countess told me that...","Mary: You foolish girl!","Anne: No, I didn't. I swear I kept it. But I knew you would be angry.","Mary: No. No, I am proud. You were always stronger than I cared to see. And now that he has visited you, doubly so.","Anne: How did you know?","Mary: I sensed it the moment I saw you. He came last night?","Anne: I have been telling myself it was not the devil but only a nightmare.","Mary: He must appear to each of us. It is the prerequisite for all the power he grants.","Anne: [Crying]","Mary: I know. I know. His is a rough magic, indeed. But he proves that what does not kill us, makes us stronger.","Anne: [Crying continues]","Mary: Like it or not, you are in this war. And you are now an even more powerful soldier in it.","Anne: I will fight no war for you. Nor for her.","Mary: When the time comes, you may not have a choice if you want your Cotton to live.","Boy: You're hurting me!","Countess Marburg: Just walk.","Man: [Speaking native language]","[Shouting]","[Screaming]","[Indistinct shouting]","Girl #1: [Whimpering] [Chains rattling] Help us! Please help!","Girl #2: Please save us! Please, please help us!","[All whimpering]","Girl #3: Friend?","Mary: Go. Go.","Girl #4: Thank you!","Mary: Go.","Girl #5: [Breathing heavily]","Man: [Muffled] Mary!","[Breathing heavily]","Mary: Oh, Isaac?","Isaac: [Muffled shouting]","[Keys rattling]","Mary: Have you not suffered enough? The innocent soul always at the heart of hell let loose on earth.","Isaac: [Muffled shouting]","Mary: [Breathing heavily] How could the countess torture you so?","Isaac: It was not her alone. Mercy is alive. The poor souls you freed? [Breathing heavily] It was Mercy who lured them. She serves the countess. They share the blood.","Mary: Listen to me, Isaac, and this time, do as I tell you. Escape this place.","Isaac: Once upon a time, I believed all you said. I was sure no matter what you did, deep down you were still the Mary I knew. I'm sorry if I am no longer so certain.","Mary: Please, Isaac, I haven't time to prove my intentions to you. But I beg you, go and don't look back.","Isaac: I will not leaving Dollie. She's somewhere on this vessel. [Breathing heavily] She must be. Because no one leaves here alive.","[Bird calls in distance]","Boy: Where are we going?","Countess Marburg: It's time to meet your mother for your baptism.","Boy: Will I have to be under the water as before? I don't like water.","Countess Marburg: Then you have nothing to fear. For it's not water.","Boy: Mother! Mother!","Countess Marburg: Shh! So good of you to join us on this holy walk. As you can tell, your son is as overjoyed as I am to see you. Won't you lead the way?","Boy: Mother! Mother!","Mary: Body without life, eyes without sight, whisper to this flame, your place this night.","[Gasps]","[Heartbeat]","[Gasps]","[Heartbeat]","[Grunts]","[Breathing heavily]","[Screams, grunting]","[Breathing heavily]","[Crickets chirping]","[Bird calls in distance]","Sebastian: Where did she go?","Boy: Mother!","Countess Marburg: I see I underestimated you. I'm glad that you learned something from me, but it's all too little, too late, I'm afraid.","Mary: It is over. I want my son.","Countess Marburg: You would not dare harm my relict. You know what I would do to him and to you. Unh!","[Gasps] Do not do anything hasty that you will spend eternity regretting, Mary. For he is already lost. I feel the presence of my love inside him.","Mary: Nothing is lost if he yet lives. Fire runs through my veins like blood, and I will burn it before you even have time to blink.","Countess Marburg: You began this vital rite, Mary. You alone unleashed a plague to devour hundreds of your kin!","Mary: Not kin. Puritan hypocrites who branded my friend, drove away my love, and forced me to give up the only joy I had left!","Countess Marburg: We all make sacrifices, Mary, and in these courageous acts, legends are born.","Mary: No. I wanted freedom. For all. I may have been willing to sacrifice too many to achieve it, but you just want a world of slaves.","Countess Marburg: Do you not yet understand? Men long for the freedom of their chains. To them, slavery is freedom!","Mary: You are no better than the ones I sought to destroy.","Countess Marburg: You've not lived nearly long enough to judge me or the forces that drive me.","Mary: Come, now. Do not pretend that you are after anything other than your own infinite desires.","Countess Marburg: Were you there to hear the screams of thousands of children sliced apart by crusaders? Have you smelled the human flesh searing to the red-hot irons of the inquisition? I consecrate this land on behalf of the millions I watched suffer! And their temples destroyed, their people slaughtered! You began this rite to end all of this. How can you turn your back on us now?","Mary: I wanted it... passionately. But I hadn't tasted passion until I became a mother.","Sebastian: Tread carefully.","Boy: [Gasps]","Countess Marburg: Now give me what's mine.","Mary: Slice as deeply as you must, for it will not be quick enough to stop my hand from igniting your mother's rotting carcass. I am fully prepared to die tonight, and I will drag you with me.","Countess Marburg: Step away from her, Sebastian.","Mary: Now release my boy.","Countess Marburg: You place my relict on the ground carefully.","[Horse whinnies]","Sebastian: Unh!","Countess Marburg: [Screaming]","[Horse snorts]","Boy: [Grunts]","Mary: Go, John! Ride on! Save him!","Boy: Who are you?","John: I'm John. Your father.","[Gasps]","Isaac: [Moans]","[Breathing heavily]","Dollie: Isaac?","Isaac: Yes, my love. Yes, it's your Isaac. And I've come to take you away from this place. Shh, shh, shh. We shall still... We shall still see the sun. [Crying] [Sniffling] No, Dollie. [Cries] No, Dollie! You're alive! You're still alive! Dollie! I'm gonna take us to our freedom now, Dollie! You're alive!","[Crying]","Mary: How long do you intend to sit there and leer at me?","Sebastian: Days on end if I were so lucky. But we only have two until the comet passes over.","Mary: And when the comet passes without my son, how long do you think your mother will suffer me to live?","Sebastian: We have two days to try again, and then she promised me you will be mine.","Mary: Well, I'm not hers to give. Besides, what man... what real man... allows his mother to choose his mate?","Sebastian: She didn't choose you. I did.","Mary: Really? And do you think she spares one thought for your happiness?","Sebastian: I see what you're trying to do. Cleave me from my mother.","Mary: \"Cleave.\" Such an odd word. You know, it can mean quite opposite things. A man may cleave a log in two or a man may cleave to his wife forever. It's up to you which one it will mean. But you must know you cannot have us both.","Sebastian: I myself believe in having cake and eating it. Your man shall fail you as all of them have. My mother always gets what she wants, as shall I.","Mary: Hmm, and do you really think you're enough man to have me?","Sebastian: You and my mother may not think so, but I will prove you both wrong when the time comes. But first...","[door opens]","Man: Mrs. Sibley, come with us.","Sebastian: It seems you have guests.","Mary: What is the meaning of this?!","Man: Come on.","Mary: Release me!","[Breathing heavily] Unhand me!","Hathorne: Mary Sibley, you are under arrest.","Mary: On what grounds?! I demand you let me...","Hathorne: On the crimes of adultery and fornication.","Mary: What attestation could you possibly have for such an absurd claim?","Hathorne: The accounts of a most trusted pair of eyes. The noble baron Sebastian Marburg. Who will testify that he saw you entertaining Dr. Wainwright in your marital bed.","Mary: Get off me! Get off of me! [Grunting] Let me go!","Countess Marburg: I knew that man in the forest. I tasted him on Mary's lips.","Sebastian: Alden. John Alden.","Countess Marburg: I will find a way to get to him, but first, I would know everything about him. Where has he been and with whom?","[Knock on door]","Hathorne: Mary Sibley is locked away and bound.","Countess Marburg: You follow instructions extremely well, Mr. Hathorne.","Hathorne: I am your humble servant.","Countess Marburg: Humility is such an overrated virtue. And there is no dishonor in being a servant if one serves the right master.","Hathorne: Or... Mistress.","Countess Marburg: Would you like that, to truly serve a mistress such as I?","Hathorne: I can think of no greater pleasure.","Countess Marburg: The quality one most seeks in a servant is loyalty. One cannot serve two masters, nor two mistresses.","Hathorne: Uh, madame, I... I have been your servant alone since I first saw you outside the jail.","Countess Marburg: And the worst kind of servant is one who lies.","Hathorne: Oh, madame, I... I swear I... countess Marburg: Oh, do not swear. I shall have to take your tongue. I know that you tried to eliminate your rival, Mather, and that you tried to take little Anne Hale this very day.","Hathorne: Oh [Chuckles] a momentary lapse in judgment. Had I known that I would have the opportunity of serving you this very evening, um...","[Sighs]","Countess Marburg: Oh, don't explain. Show me.","Hathorne: [Sighs]","[Sighs]","Countess Marburg: Better.","Hathorne: I ask only to be allowed... To worship at your feet.","Countess Marburg: Oh, that's a very good place to start.","Hathorne: [Sighs]","Countess Marburg: Depending on how well you worship, we will see how far you may ascend.","[Crickets chirping]","[Door opens]","John: Did you come by way of London?","Cotton: It is slow journey in the dark. Hardly thought it prudent to attract unwanted attention with a lantern. Why, it's the boy Mary Sibley took in. I see nothing wrong with him, no... No overt signs of possession.","John: All I know is what I've been told by someone who has nothing to gain and everything to lose by lying.","Cotton: The boy seems fine.","John: [Sighs]","Cotton: Exorcism is not something to toy with. What if I hurt him? What if he's innocent?","John: He is, but what's in him is far from it. Save the boy before we lose him completely.","Cotton: Are you sure you want to take this risk? If there is something inside of him, we are much more likely to agitate and enrage it than destroy it. Some things are better left unawakened.","Boy: [Distorted voice ] It's too late for that.","[Bell tolling]","Cotton: My God...","[Bones cracking]","Boy: Before the dawn comes, we shall play cat's cradle with your entrails."],"Show Title":"Salem","Episode Number":"02x10","Episode Title":"Til Death Do Us Part","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Scandal_01x01.json","Recap":["Quinn Perkins comes to what she believes to be a blind date, only to find that she is now getting offered a job at Pope & Associates, a job that she's dreamed about for a while; Olivia Pope and Stephen work on getting a Russian ambassador's baby back from kidnappers. Just as they are all about to leave, Lieutenant Sully St. James comes in pleading for help as his girlfriend has just been murdered; then Olivia gets a call from Cyrus because a woman named Amanda Tanner has been saying that she has been sleeping with the president and requests her help. After Olivia talks to, and indirectly threatens, Amanda, Quinn questions if she wants the job. Olivia goes to David Rosen asking for 36 hours so they can clear Sully's name; As the clock ticks down, Abby and Stephen look for concrete evidence for Sully's alibi, eventually finding a security camera that reveals Sully kissing another man. Sully refuses to admit that he is gay, as he is both a military officer and a conservative; Quinn convinces Olivia that Amanda isn't lying as the president called her 'Sweet Baby', a name that rings a bell to Olivia. She goes to the Oval Office and admits to Fitz that she knows he slept with Amanda. He kisses her, revealing that they have a romantic history. Cyrus hears Olivia yelling at Fitz and comes in to check on them, only to find them kissing. Olivia finds out that Fitz never told Cyrus about their relationship. Olivia leaves and then persuades Sully to admit his homosexuality by telling him he can't change who he is and he shouldn't be ashamed of that, and then accepts Amanda as her new client."],"Transcript":["WASHINGTON D.C. BAR","Quinn: Harrison Wright?","Harrison: Quinn Perkins.","Quinn: I can't stay.","Harrison: What are you drinking?","Quinn: I can't stay. I'm sorry. I only came because Lori wouldn't give me your number so I could cancel and I didn't want you to be waiting here because getting stood up in this particular bar is like falling face down on a runway. And even though I don't know you, Lori's got this annoying habit of meddling, so it seemed only decent ...","Harrison: What are you drinking?","Quinn: I can't stay is what I'm saying. I don't do blind dates.","Harrison: My parents met on a blind date. They've been inseparable ever since.","Quinn: I'm happy for your parents and for you, because it means you exist, but I don't do blind dates.","Harrison: This isn't a blind date.","Quinn: What?","Harrison: It's a job interview. What are you drinking?","Quinn: Dirty martini. What do you mean this is a job interview?","Harrison: This is a job interview.","Quinn: You're a baby lawyer. You're 12 years old.","Harrison: I am 28 years old.","Quinn: Why aren't we sitting in an office in a law firm?","Harrison: Because that's not how we do job interviews.","Quinn: I didn't apply for a job with you.","Harrison: You did.","Quinn: I didn't.","Harrison: You did.","Quinn: I didn't. Okay, you know what? This has been whatever, but I don't do blind dates, so ...","Harrison: Ask me who I work for.","Quinn: What?","Harrison: You really want to ask me who I work for.","Quinn: Fine. Who do you work for?","Harrison: Olivia Pope.","Quinn: Olivia Pope? The Olivia Pope? Wait. Shut up. Is this some kind of ploy to make me stay on this date?","Harrison: Quinn, this is not a blind date. On blind dates, I like to buy a woman dinner 'cause it makes her more likely to either sleep with me or give me a second date. When I buy you dinner, you'll know I'm interested. You did apply for a job with me. The way I know you applied for a job with me is that I have your resume on my iPad, the way I know you would kill puppies to get this job is the way you stopped breathing when I said the name \"Olivia Pope,\" which is a tell, your tell, which you should look at, 'cause I'm gonna offer you a crap salary, and you'll have to take it, 'cause you never really learned how to breathe in and out without stopping, but don't feel bad, 'cause we all get paid crap salaries because we're the good guys. I'm a good guy, which means I generally don't lie, but I just did to you. This is not a job interview.","Quinn: Wait. I don't, um, I'm confused.","Harrison: Olivia already told me to hire you. The job is yours, if you want it. The best job you'll ever have. You'll change lives, slay dragons, love the hunt more than you ever dreamed because Olivia Pope is as amazing as they say. And, uh I'm not a baby lawyer. I'm a gladiator in a suit, 'cause that's what you are when you work for Olivia. You're a gladiator in a suit. Do you want to be a gladiator in a suit?","Quinn: Mm-hmm.","Harrison: You gotta say it.","Quinn: I want to be a gladiator in a suit.","[SCENE_BREAK]","ABANDONED BUILDING","Stephen: We're gonna get killed.","Olivia: Did you propose? Weren't you gonna ask her tonight?","Stephen: I was doing this tonight. Liv, we're gonna get killed. We're $3 million short.","Olivia: So you flaked. Why are we short?","Stephen: The Ambassador couldn't come up with the rest, which is a problem, a very big problem, why we shouldn't even be going up there in the first place. And I did not flake. I'm working for you.","Olivia: Don't worry. They'll take what we give them. Did you at least buy the engagement ring?","Stephen: Ukrainian mobsters do not take what you give them. They just shoot you. So we have bigger things to worry about than me not proposing to my girlfriend. We are in a situation here. Focus. Do what you do.","Olivia: Good evening, gentlemen.","Oskar: You got the money?","Olivia: Of course, all $3 million.","Oskar: We said 6.","Olivia: Did we?","Oskar: We did.","Olivia: I have 3.","Oskar: That's a problem.","Olivia: Well, it's all the Ambassador had on such short notice, so you're just gonna have to take it.","Oskar: Leave the $3 million. When you come back with the rest? We have a deal.","Olivia: That's not gonna happen, Oskar.","Oskar: No?","Olivia: Nyet. What's going to happen is you and Vlad are gonna take the $3 million and leave right now for Dulles to make your flight to the motherland. The reason you're gonna want to go right now beside the fact that it's just good travel sense to give yourself enough time for international check-in, is in exactly 4 hours and 15 minutes, both of your names are gonna suddenly \"pop up\" on homeland security's no-fly list. Lucky for you, you're booked on a flight that leaves in two and a half hours, so if it were me, I'd much rather spend $3 million in Kiev than here in Georgetown. Way more bang for your buck. In fact, it may even feel like $6 once you're there.","Olivia: Good boys. So since we have a deal, I am gonna take what we paid for. Pleasure doing business with you. I thank you, my client thanks you, and I hope to never see you again.","Stephen: God, I love this job.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OLIVIA POPE AND ASSOCIATES","Quinn: Do I look okay?","Harrison: Too much cleavage. Olivia'll talk about you. Just take it in. This is Huck. He's our tech guy. Used to be CIA, right, Huck?","Huck: I don't talk about that. New girl?","Harrison: New girl.","Quinn: Are you sure she's here? It's late.","Harrison: She's here. She's always here. That's Stephen. That's Abby. He's a litigator. She's an investigator. And that's ...","Quinn: Olivia Pope.","Harrison: Come on.","Olivia: I'm not doing it.","Abby: Well, I'm not doing it either.","Stephen: Do not look at me.","Harrison: How'd it go?","Olivia: We gave them $3 million. They gave us the package.","Stephen: $3 million down. The woman doesn't flinch.","Olivia: We're just waiting for pickup. Too much cleavage.","Quinn: I'm ... I'm sorry. I didn't know that I was coming here. Can I just say that I am a huge fan? I so admire your work in the White House. It is an honor to work for your law firm.","Olivia: We're not a law firm. We're lawyers, but this is not a law firm.","Stephen: Law firms are for pansies.","Olivia: We solve problems.","Abby: Manage crises, save reputations.","Quinn: Right. Of course. It's still an honor.","Olivia: Harrison feed you a line about being a gladiator in a suit?","Harrison: Liv.","Quinn: He did, and I am ready to gladiate or whatever.","Olivia: You know how to gladiate a diaper change?","Woman: Bazyli! (Speaks in Ukrainian)","Ambassador: Thank you. Thank you. When the Russians kidnapped him, I thought ... but you returned my son back to me. Thank you. Anything I can do for you. Anything.","Stephen: If you ever have a second child, Olivia's a beautiful name.","Olivia: Mr. Ambassador, you can take your son back to the consulate and keep him safe. And you can never tell anyone about this. The FBI is sick of me.","Ambassador: Of course. Thank you.","Olivia: Thank you.","Harrison: Hoo-hoo!","Olivia: Good work, everyone.","Quinn: What ...?","Huck: We've got incoming.","Stephen: It's after hours. Take a message. We're going home.","Huck: Not on the phone. Here. And you want to talk to him.","Sully: You have to help me. Somebody has to help me. Please. My girlfriend. She's dead. The police think I killed her.","Harrison: Welcome to Olivia Pope and Associates.","Abby: Lieutenant Colonel Sullivan \"Sully\" St. James age 32, did two tours in Iraq, was injured saving the lives of his entire unit, a war hero.","Stephen: And not just any war hero the first living marine awarded the medal of honor for action in any war since Vietnam.","Abby: A famous war hero, working class, patriotic, comes from a long line of soldiers. Here he is with the president. Also sexiest man alive 2010.","Olivia: Poster boy for the military.","Abby: And for the conservative right. That's how he makes his living. He gives expensive speeches, makes a fortune. He's anti-choice, pro-gun, hates the gays, and likes it when kids pray in school.","Stephen: Abby.","Abby: I'm just saying he sickens me politically. I'm not saying we shouldn't help him.","Harrison: Who's the dead girlfriend?","Abby: Paige Montgomery 27, rich girl, good family.","Huck: It's on the police scanners as \"Girl was found dead in her apartment, three shots to the head.\"","Stephen: Three? That's not an accident.","Huck: Sully called 9-1-1, but took off before the police arrived.","Quinn: Wait. What are we ... can I ask? What do we do? I mean, if we aren't defense lawyers, we're not the state's attorney, it looks like he did it, so what do we do? What can we do?","Olivia: First we interview Sully.","Sully: I was gonna propose. We were gonna get married. Paige was everything to me. She was my best friend.","Olivia: We listen to him. We watch him.","Stephen: Did you kill her?","Sully: No. I would never. I loved her.","Harrison: Where'd the blood come from?","Olivia: In this moment, we are the judge and we are the jury, the media and the public opinion.","Sully: I went to her apartment, and I found her like that. I held her, but there was, uh, just so much blood, and I-I called the police and I-I-I panicked. I'm on TV, you know, so I didn't know what to do. I thought that they would think that I did it. I panicked. I'm sorry.","Olivia: This is the moment where we decide who he is.","Stephen: Where were you during the murder?","Sully: I walk at night around the neighborhood. I-I was walking, and I stepped into Matty's Pub and I had a beer. And then I kept walking and went to go see Paige.","Abby: Do you own a handgun?","Sully: Not since I left the military. I just don't believe she's actually gone.","Stephen: I vote no. The guy's a fugitive covered in blood. Not once did he question who killed Paige or ask us to find her killer. We all know that's a red flag. He did it.","Harrison: No, I don't think he did. He's a soldier, government-issue trained killing machine. He'd have to be an idiot to get her blood all over himself, call 9-1-1, and then run. But I still vote no. It's a media hand grenade.","Abby: I don't want to take it because it's too messy, too much work. And I hate republicans.","Olivia: My vote always comes down to my gut. My gut tells me everything I need to know.","Olivia: We're taking the case.","Stephen: Why do we even bother voting?","Olivia: You're pretty and smart. So pretty, so smart.","Olivia: Next I set the rules.","Olivia: We're gonna give you a clean shirt and put you in Stephen's office. You are to stay there. No phone calls: not to work, not to friends, not to press, no one. This is on us now. Your job is to stay in that office and let us do our job.","Olivia: Then I warn them. I always warn them.","Olivia: I have one rule do not lie. You lie, all bets are off. Got it? Now is there anything else you want to tell me?","Sully: I didn't kill her. She was my best friend. I loved her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DAVID ROSEN'S FRONT DOOR","David: Why am I not surprised that you're on this?","Olivia: You have to give me 48 hours before you arrest or charge Sully St. James.","David: I was sleeping.","Olivia: The US attorney's office never sleeps. You told me that once.","David: I was being ironic.","Olivia: 48 hours before you arrest or charge.","David: Olivia, you don't have the muscle of the White House behind you anymore. You're just a private citizen, who is, by the way, annoying.","Olivia: He's a decorated war hero. He's a patriot. You realize the blowback you'll get for rushing to judgment on a patriot?","David: The blowback you'll create?","Olivia: Well, yeah. That's my job.","David: Do you actually have the naive belief that waking me in the middle of the night and threatening me is the correct path to getting your way?","Olivia: I wasn't threatening you. He didn't kill her. My gut says he didn't.","David: Your spidey senses aren't evidence. I've been on the phone with homicide. He killed her and ran.","Olivia: I can have a reporter out here in 20 minutes, with cameras, asking why you are persecuting an innocent, handicapped medal of honor winner. Perhaps because he's a well-known conservative Republican and you are considering a bid on the Democratic ticket next year. Just to be clear that was me threatening you.","David: You have until morning.","Olivia: 36 hours","David: 24 hours","Olivia: SOLD! Pleasure to see you again.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CRIME SCENE","Abby: Hey, Wally. Body still here or did the morgue take it already?","Wally: Go home. I'm not telling you a thing.","Abby: You don't have to. I'll just take a quick peek at the crime scene.","Wally: Not on my watch.","Abby: How's your wife, Wally? She's what, six months pregnant? Does she know about the stripper?","Wally: You're a real bitch, you know that?","Abby: I do know that, Wally.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OLIVIA POPE AND ASSOCIATES","Quinn: So you guys don't try cases? You don't go to court?","Harrison: We do our jobs right, we never need to go to court. Now look, the reason we're not a law firm is we don't have to play within the rules of the law. We're fixers, crisis managers. We make the problems of our client, big or small, go away. It's not about solving a crime. It's not about justice. It's about our client.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CITY MORGUE","Lisa: No.","Stephen: Lisa.","Lisa: No!","Stephen: Lisa.","Lisa: You didn't call me.","Stephen: I'm an ass.","Lisa: Who slept with me and didn't call me.","Stephen: I'm getting married.","Lisa: You? You're getting married? You?","Stephen: Her name is Georgia. She teaches third grade, which is why, as much as I would like to, I can't do it with you in the freezer anymore.","Lisa: What do you want?","Stephen: I need you to fast-track an autopsy, slip me the report.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OLIVIA POPE AND ASSOCIATES","Quinn: We've been here all night. Hey, don't you people ever sleep? Don't any of you have husbands, wives, kids? Lives?","Harrison: No. Gladiators. In suits.","Olivia: We need more.","Stephen: The guy's alibi is water, bloody clothes, and he's a runner. He killed her.","Abby: Definitely killed her.","Olivia: There. Gun was found on the scene.","Abby: I'll work the cops, find out if there are any fingerprints on the gun.","Olivia: And there. Look at them. Look how he's looking at her. He loves her.","Stephen: A guy in love only kills if he has motive. If he has a motive, we need to find it before the police do.","Olivia: I have to step out. I'll be back. We need more!","Quinn: So what happens now?","Harrison: She wants more, we get more.","[SCENE_BREAK]","LAFAYETTE PARK","Olivia: What?","Cyrus: Hi. Hello. How are you?","Olivia: Hi. Hello. How are you? What?","Cyrus: You working the Sully St. James thing?","Olivia: I'm trying to stamp out the flames. If you guys could refrain from commenting ...","Cyrus: What's your gut say?","Olivia: He didn't do it.","Cyrus: Your gut's never wrong. We'll stay quiet. But keep me in the loop.","Olivia: You didn't ask me here to talk about Sully St. James.","Cyrus: He needs a favor.","Olivia: I don't work for him anymore.","Cyrus: He trusts you.","Olivia: I don't work for him anymore.","Cyrus: And yet you came when I called.","Olivia: What?","Cyrus: There's a girl, an aide, going around saying she's sleeping with him.","Olivia: Is she?","Cyrus: Liv.","Olivia: Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky. John Edwards, Rielle Hunter. Is she?","Cyrus: No. You know him. He's not that guy. I need you to shut her down.","Olivia: I need to see him.","Cyrus: Liv, that's not possible.","Olivia: You want me to shut her down? Then I need to look him in the eye and know he's not lying.","Cyrus: He's not ... Look, the man's schedule is insane. He has no time to see you.","Olivia: He wants the favor. He wants my services. I do not work for him anymore, so you tell the President of the United States to make time.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OLIVIA POPE AND ASSOCIATES","Stephen: You're going?","Olivia: I'm going.","Stephen: To Camp David?","Olivia: I won't be gone long.","Stephen: You're going to Camp David to meet with the President, why?","Olivia: Meeting at the White House is too official. Press is there.","Abby: He wants you to take your old job back, doesn't he? He's wooing you.","Olivia: He's not wooing me. We're friends.","Stephen: You and I are friends. He's the leader of the free world. Your life makes me feel unsuccessful.","Olivia: Stay on Sully. Text me if anything happens. I'll be back soon.","Stephen: Hey, um ... should I really do it?","Olivia: Yes.","Stephen: I'm talking about asking Georgia to marry me.","Olivia: Yes.","Stephen: Because I was thinking I'd buy the ring today, but now with Sully ...","Olivia: Stephen, do you want me to talk you into it or out of it?","Stephen: Into it. Out of it. No. Into it.","Olivia: Normal lives that's the dream. You love her. She loves you. Normal people get married.","Stephen: You won't even date.","Olivia: I'm not normal.","Quinn: Huck finally managed to hack Paige's e-mail. I've been reading them and I think I found something. Paige sent an email to a friend, Ariel Masse. On the night of the murder, they were supposed to attend an embassy party together.","Harrison: So why didn't she go?","Quinn: I, I don't know.","Harrison: Don't ever say \"I don't know.\" Olivia doesn't believe in \"I don't know.\" She asks you why, you better have an answer. Abby!","[SCENE_BREAK]","ART GALLERY","Ariel: Yeah, Paige and I were supposed to go to the French Consulate dinner.","Abby: What happened?","Ariel: She called at the last minute and she canceled. No big deal.","Abby: Ariel, if there's something you're not telling me ...","Ariel: Look, you have to understand Paige loves Sully. She used to be we both used to be, you know, party girls, always out, always with a different guy. And then Paige met Sully, and she just settled down with him, you know? It made her family really happy. They were amazing together. I just can't believe she's dead.","Abby: Ariel, you can cry. That's understandable, but that's not gonna make me go away. What aren't you telling me?","[SCENE_BREAK]","OLIVIA POPE AND ASSOCIATES","TV: In other news, White House press secretary Joyce Armstrong is saying that as of now, President Grant will issue no comment regarding war hero Sullivan St. James' possible involvement Olivia Pope in the murder of socialite Paige Montgomery.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CAMP DAVID","Aide: He'll be right with you.","Olivia: Hi.","Cyrus: Hello.","Olivia: How are you?","Cyrus: Better. You're here. He'll be out in a moment.","Olivia: First lady came. She knows about this?","Cyrus: It's not like during the election, Liv. The isolation of the White House bonded them. Their marriage is stronger than ever.","Mellie: Liv!","Olivia: Mellie.","Mellie: You never call. You never write.","Olivia: Well, you're a little busy. How are the kids?","Mellie: Jerry's adjusting to White House life pretty well. But Karen she misses her friends, hates the Secret Service. How are you? Are you dating anybody? Because there is this guy at council's office I think you'd really hit it off with.","Olivia: I'm good, really. Thank you.","Fitz: Livvie.","Olivia: Mr. President.","Fitz: It's good to see you. I know you've got your hands full with the Sully St. James thing. I can't thank you enough for taking this on.","Cyrus: Her name is Amanda Tanner. She's 27. I've got rumors she might be talking.","Olivia: And you can't fire her.","Cyrus: Not without a nightmare on our hands. Look, as yet, she hasn't gone to the press. It'd like to put a stop to it before she does.","Fitz: It's not right. Makes me look like a dirty old man.","Olivia: I have to ask.","Fitz: No. I never, I would never. No. You've known me a long time, longer than most. You know I did not fall for some young girl. You know there's only one person I love.","Cyrus: Mellie and Fitz are happy together, Liv. He'd have no reason to cheat.","Olivia: I'll handle it. Consider it handled.","Fitz: You should come back to the White House. We need you on our side.","Olivia: I like working for myself. But I've never left your side.","Cyrus: The band is back together.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OLIVIA POPE AND ASSOCIATES","Olivia: Where are we? Waiting on forensics on the gun to come in.","Abby: Whoo-hoo! Paige is a whore! Paige is a whore! She was screwing some guy named Tom Henderson. She canceled on the embassy party to meet up with him. We have another viable suspect! Paige is a whore! I'm gonna run down Henderson, see if I can make something stick.","Olivia: Quinn, I need you to find out everything you can about an Amanda Tanner. You have an hour And then I need you to come with me.","Harrison: Impress her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","JEFFERSON NATIONAL PARK","Quinn: Can I ask what we're ...","Olivia: You're acting as my witness. Just stay by my side. Don't say anything.","Olivia: Cute dog. Golden Retriever?","Amanda: Yeah. His name's Thomas Jefferson, which is lame, I know, but he's very presidential. Aren't you, T.J.?","Olivia: Amanda, it would be a mistake to think there will be no consequences to you telling lies about the president.","Amanda: How do you know my name? Who are you?","Olivia: My name is Olivia Pope. And I want to be clear I'm not here on any official capacity. I'm only here to warn you, because you should know what could happen. It could become hard for you to find employment, your face would be everywhere. People would associate you with a s*x scandal. All kinds of information about you would easily become available to the press. For example, you've had 22 sexual partners that we know of. Also, there's that ugly bout of gonorrhea. And your family your mother's mental illness a psychotic break, two years at Bedford Hospital. I bet that's private. She runs a daycare now, right?","Amanda: He told me he loved me. He gave me this dog.","Olivia: See, it's those kind of lies that could hurt you if you said them to other people people not as nice as me. I'll give you some free advice. Hand in your resignation and pack up your dog and your things and get in your car and go. Find a small city Minneapolis, maybe, or Denver, get a little job, meet a boring boy, make some friends. Because in this town, your career is over. You're done.","Amanda: Why are you doing this to me? I'm a good person.","Olivia: You know who else was a good person? Monica Lewinsky. And she was telling the truth, but she still got destroyed.","Olivia: If you get subpoenaed in front of a grand jury, you can testify as an officer of the court that I was working on my own. I didn't blackmail or threaten her. If you don't get subpoenaed, this never happened.","Olivia: It's handled.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OLIVIA POPE AND ASSOCIATES","Huck: Are you crying?","Quinn: This is the ladies' room.","Huck: Are you crying?","Quinn: No.","Huck: Yes, you are.","Quinn: No, I'm not.","Huck: You are.","Quinn: Fine. I'm crying.","Huck: Well, don't let Olivia see you doing that. She doesn't believe in crying.","Quinn: She doesn't believe in What is that? Who says that?","Huck: Olivia. She says that.","Quinn: Wait. C-can I ask you why did she hire me? I mean, she must get a hundred resumes. Why me? What about me what about me says \"stand next to me while I decimate a girl walking her dog\"?","Huck: You're here because you worship her. You want to be her. You think if you're near her, if you stand in her light, then you'll finally do stuff that matters. Because you need to believe that there's something greater than a-a 9:00 to 5:00 crap job, that there's a higher purpose, that your life has meaning, because the world feels big and you feel lost. Am I right? Olivia Pope fixes things. That's who she is. You need fixing. I don't know your story. I don't need to know. We all have a story. Everyone in this office needs fixing. You're a stray dog, and Olivia took you in. Don't question it. No crying. We don't cry, ever.","TV: The President and the First Lady are just now returning to the White House, where tonight they will be hosting a state dinner for President Sarkozy and the French first lady. Even though many see this as a positive move in relations between the two countries ...","Cyrus: Cyrus Beene.","Olivia: Put him on. I just need a second.","Cyrus: Olivia needs you.","Fitz: Hi, Liv.","Olivia: Did you buy her a dog?","Fitz: What?","Olivia: Just answer the question.","Fitz: No, of course not. Why do you ask?","Olivia: Do me a favor. Turn your head a little to the left. Okay. Sorry. Forget I asked. Thank you, Mr. President. Sully's on the crawl on the big three cable news stations, all over \"drudge.\" Network news is still hours away, but, uh, Diane Sawyer's already sniffing.","Abby: I've got good, I've got bad, I've got ugly. The good - Tom Henderson spilled his guts the minute I leaned on him. Bad - he has an airtight alibi. He was working as a bouncer at a club at the time of the murder. Ugly - Henderson claims that Sully knew he was sleeping with his girlfriend, which gives Sully motive.","Stephen: Even uglier - gun found in the murder has Sully's prints all over it, which gives him means.","Olivia: Damn it.","Olivia: Did you know Paige was sleeping with Tom Henderson?","Sully: What?","Olivia: Did you Know?","Sully: I hired you. You can't come in here and t...","Stephen: Yes, she can. She can do whatever the hell she wants, because without her, you are definitely going to jail. My guess is 20 years, but if they get fancy, a life sentence is a possibility. Is that what you want?","Olivia: Did you know Paige was sleeping with Tom Henderson?","Sully: Yeah. Yeah, I knew.","Olivia: Look over our statement. Get me five soldiers. Make sure it uses the words \"war hero.\" Preferably with bars on their uniforms, who are willing to attest to Sully's heroism and kindness And get our defense attorney down here.","(On the record.)","Sully: Wait. Wait. I did not kill Paige. Paige She slept around a lot before. I would've forgiven her. But I didn't kill her. You have to believe me.","(Sully, your fingerprints are on the gun.)","Sully: That's because I picked it up off of the floor. I am a soldier and I have looked into the faces of men as I killed them. I know what it means to take a life. I don't know how a person could do this to someone they love. I loved Paige. She was my best friend. I did not kill her.","Olivia: Find me somebody, anybody, who can say they saw Sully at the time of the murder. Make his alibi stick.","Abby: Liv.","Olivia: I believe him. Abby, I believe him. Go make his alibi stick.","Stephen: I'll get the car.","Olivia: In a minute. Huck, did you talk to my guy?","Huck: Yeah.","Olivia: You got it?","Huck: I got it.","Stephen: What?","Olivia: Open it.","Stephen: They're engagement rings.","Olivia: Yes.","Stephen: They're engagement rings.","Olivia: For getting engaged.","Stephen: They're engagement rings.","Olivia: Stephen, we made you a reservation Best table. Huck already called Georgia. She's meeting you there. Pick a ring. Marry the girl. Be normal.","Stephen: You can't just you're bullying me.","Olivia: As long as I've known you, you've dated a series of women I can only describe as trashy and too young for you and most of all, stupid. Georgia is funny and fun and old enough and brilliant, and you know you want to marry her. We all know you want to marry her, so pick a damn ring already so we can go find an alibi for Sully St. James.","Stephen: She'll like this one.","Olivia: Excellent choice.","Amanda: I want to see her.","Harrison: She's not available.","Amanda: I want to see her.","Harrison: She's not available.","Amanda: Let me through.","Olivia: Amanda.","Amanda: I want you to give him a message.","Olivia: That's not appropriate.","Amanda: Not appropriate? Not appropriate? You came to me, and I know he sent you. I know you can give him a message.","Olivia: This conversation is over. Please leave.","Amanda: I quit my job, okay? I did it. Now please give him a message!","Olivia: Marlon, take her down. Do not let her back up.","Amanda: I'm telling the truth. I am.","David: Time's up, Liv. I have a warrant.","Olivia: I still have 40 minutes.","David: Fine. 40 minutes and then I want Sully St. James in handcuffs.","Olivia: You stay out here. Nobody crosses this doorway.","Olivia: Get Abby on the phone. Tell her we've been invaded. Tell her time is up.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OUTSIDE MATTY'S PUB","Abby: Yeah. Okay. Okay. All right. I showed Sully's picture to everyone in the bar. No one saw him the night of the murder, and Liv's got cops in the lobby. He's finished.","Stephen: Maybe not.","[SCENE_BREAK]","BANK SECURITY OFFICE","Harrison: I have $500 in cash and a pizza.","Abby: Howie, meet your $500 and your pizza.","Howie: Deep dish, sausage and mushroom?","Harrison: Yeah.","Howie: Show me.","Stephen: We have a ticking clock here, Howie.","Howie: I'm counting.","Abby: Last night, between 10:00 and midnight, the bank camera that points northeast towards Matty's pub. Speed through. Stop. Right there.","Harrison: Is ... Is that Sully?","Stephen: We're gonna need a copy of that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OLIVIA POPE AND ASSOCIATES","Olivia: We don't have a lot of time. The police are here, so I need you to listen.","Sully: What's going on?","Olivia: We were able to verify your alibi.","Sully: You were? That's That's a good thing, right?","Olivia: Sully, you're the most decorated hero since the Vietnam War, you come from a family of soldiers, you make your living giving speeches for the conservative right, and you've said over and over, Paige was your best friend. Not your lover, your best friend. Paige knew, didn't she? She was your best friend. She knew you were gay. The two of you had a deal.","Sully: You can't show that tape to anyone.","Olivia: I need the name of the man you were kissing.","Sully: You can't show that tape and you can't have a name.","Olivia: It's your alibi.","Sully: No. I'm You cannot tell people that I am gay. I am a hero.","Abby: The police have a warrant for your arrest. All due respect, people finding out you're gay is no big deal compared to that.","Sully: No. I am a hero. I honor the uniform.","Olivia: Sully","Sully: I honor the uniform!","Olivia: Sully, look at me. The rules have changed. Don't ask, don't tell is over.","Sully: That is talk! I am a conservative republican! I am publicly anti-gay! I am the deacon in my church. They're talking about me running for Congress one day. I am Lieutenant Colonel Sullivan St. James. I'm a hero. I can't be gay.","Olivia: But you are. This is who you are. This is your alibi. Let us help you. Come on, Sully.","Sully: No.","Olivia: Sully. Sully!","Cop: Sullivan St. James, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can you have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be provided to you Hey.","Huck: You seen Olivia?","Quinn: Sully was just arrested. Olivia went to the police station. What's up? I'm on my way there.","Huck: Got a strange call some girl named Amanda Tanner.","Quinn: What about her?","Huck: She's in the hospital. She tried to kill herself.","[SCENE_BREAK]","POLICE STATION","Harrison: Reporters are starting to gather outside.","Olivia: Crap.","Abby: Our defense attorney's with Sully now, but it doesn't seem optimistic. What do we do?","Olivia: We can't use the alibi.","Abby: Can we leak it? We-","Olivia: He's our client. We have to do at he wants. I hate this! I have to go.","Stephen: Now?","Olivia: It's after 6:00. They won't arraign him till morning. I'll be back. Get in to see Sully. See if you can change his mind.","Stephen: Georgia's gonna be waiting for me at Chez Henri. I could cancel.","Abby: We'll work on Sully. Go. Go!","Stephen: Okay.Thanks.","Abby: Get down on one knee. Women like that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","HOSPITAL","Olivia: What happened?","Quinn: She slashed her wrists.","Olivia: Any press sniffing around?","Quinn: No. No one. One of the nurses told me her dad's flying in. He'll be here in the morning.","Olivia: Okay. She hasn't spoken anyone ... no nurses or doctors about anything?","Quinn: Just to me.","Olivia: Good. Stay with her.","Quinn: Olivia. You said to trust your gut. My gut says she's telling the truth.","Olivia: She's not.","Quinn: How do you know?","Olivia: Because I know the President.","Quinn: Okay. It's just she was going on and on and on about how there's this secret room off of the Oval Office where they've met, and I've read about the White House. There is a little room.","Olivia: If you read it, she read it. People are crazy. They get fixated on famous people. They stalk them.","Quinn: But I don't think she's crazy.","Olivia: Tell me why.","Quinn: Okay. She tried to kill herself, but she didn't want to die. She called you right after she did it because she wanted him to find out she was hurt and come see her. She thought he would do that.","Olivia: Quinn.","Quinn: She was going on and on and on about how she thought he'd come and call her \"sweet baby\" and everything would be fine.","Olivia: What?","Quinn: What?","Olivia: What did you say?","Quinn: That he'd come if she was hurt.","Olivia: And he would call her...","Quinn: \"Sweet baby.\" And I was just thinking that if she really thought that if he found out...","[SCENE_BREAK]","WHITE HOUSE - OVAL OFFICE","Olivia: Where is he?","Aide: It'll just be a moment.","Olivia: Stephen, I can't talk right now. What's wrong? Okay. I'll be there. I'm coming. Maybe half an hour. Because I'm doing something! I'm coming. I-I have to go.","Fitz: Livvie? This is a surprise.","Fitz: We're gonna need the room, please.","Cyrus: Sir, you have to give that toast to the president of France in ten minutes. Maybe you could find ...","Fitz: We need the room.","Fitz: Livvie.","Olivia: Sweet baby? Sweet ba.. Sweet baby?","Fitz: Come here.","Fitz: You left me.","Olivia: Because you are married, because you said you wanted to try to dedicate yourself to your marriage, because you are the leader of the free world and I wanted you to be a better man. I wanted you to be the man I campaigned for, helped get elected, and I voted for. Do not touch me. Don't touch me.","Fitz: Please. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.","Olivia: Did you give her that dog?","Fitz: Livvie.","Olivia: Did you give her that dog?","Fitz: I love you.","Olivia: I believed you. You clouded judgment. You made me mistrust my gut because I wanted to believe you! Destroyed that girl! She tried to kill herself.","Cyrus: I just want to say that we can hear you screaming. Mr. President, you want to go clean up.","Fitz: Cy no.","Cyrus: You have lipstick on your mouth. You need to clean up.","Cyrus: Mother of God.","Olivia: You didn't know. He tells you everything.","Cyrus: Didn't tell me this.","Olivia: Because it didn't matter enough.","Cyrus: No, Liv. Liv.","Olivia: Don't. I have to go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CHEZ HENRI RESTAURANT","Stephen: Just a minute. Liv!","Olivia: Y-you're in a coat closet. You can do this.","Stephen: That's the thing. I don't think I can.","Olivia: Tell me.","Stephen: You know, what if I-I marry her and I cheat or she gs bored with me or She doesn't love me enough? I am not a good guy. Livvie, what if she leaves me?","Olivia: I gotta trust my gut and my gut is what?","Stephen: Never wrong.","Olivia: Never wrong, and my gut tells me at she's in this. She's in this with you. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but you have to try, because if you try, if you leap and you try, and it doesn't work out, it's not on you.","Stephen: It's not on me.","Olivia: You can do this.","Stephen: Okay. Okay. I can do this.","Olivia: Go. Be happy. Get some normal.","Stephen: Georgia, it would give me the greatest honor...","[SCENE_BREAK]","POLICE STATION","Olivia: We may never know who killed Paige. But this isn't about you not going to jail for Paige's murder. This is about you not living a lie. Sully, I saw that kiss. You love that man, whoever he is. You love him. You have been living with a secret for a really long time. I know what that's like. I honestly do. And you think you're doing it for the right reasons. You think you're doing it for your country and for the people who look up to you, but the thing is, who you are, who you love that shouldn't be a secret. It shouldn't have to be a secret, should it?","Sully: John Latimer. That's his name. And I do. Love him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","SULLY'S PRESS CONFERENCE","Sully: I am honored to have served my country. I am honored to have been injured serving my country. And just as importantly, I am honored to be a gay man who served my country.","[SCENE_BREAK]","OLIVIA POPE AND ASSOCIATES","TV: That was Sullivan St. James, cleared of murder charges.","Abby: The other soldiers are a nice touch, don't you think?","TV: Soldiers standing by his side. Sully appeared stoically strong.","Stephen: You have good ideas.","Quinn: So Sully's innocent.","Harrison: He didn't kill Paige.","Quinn: Then who did?","Huck: Don't matter.","Harrison: It matters, just not to us all that matters is Sully. That's the job.","Harrison: Look, I take all this stuff to the police. Maybe it helps them. Finding Paige's killer is their job.","Quinn: You said we were the good guys.","Harrison: We are.","Quinn: Really? I mean, is Olivia .... is she one of the good guys?","Harrison: No. She's not one of the good guys. She's the best guy. It's not enough to say it. You gotta believe it.","Quinn: Gladiators in suits.","Harrison: That's what I'm talking about.","TV: Congressional conservative leadership is expected sometime ...","Cyrus: He wants to see you.","Olivia: Tell him to go to hell.","Cyrus: I'm just the messenger.","Olivia: You tell him that he better hope to God Amanda Tanner doesn't want to come forward with her story, because she just became my client.","TV (Sully): I am honored to have served my country. I am honored to have been injured serving my country. And just as importantly, I am honored to be a gay man who served my country."],"Show Title":"Scandal","Episode Number":"01x01","Episode Title":"Sweet Baby","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Schitt_s_Creek_01x01.json","Recap":["After their business manager steals all of their money, the once-wealthy Roses are forced to move to the town of Schitt's Creek, which Johnny bought in 1991 as a joke gift for David; they take up residence in the town's motel."],"Transcript":["(Birds chirp)","(Doorbell rings)","(Footsteps echo)","(Doorbell rings)","(Footstep clomp)","(Doorbell rings twice, quickly)","(Doors creaks open)","Immigration?","Revenue agent: Revenue. Missus Rose! There are people here from the government!","(Rushed footsteps thud)","(Moira screams shrilly)","I've been gutted! John, I've been stripped of every morsel of pleasure I earned in this life!","Johnny: Well, how do you think I feel, Moira?! Eli was family, for God's sake! Leave your finances to me, he said! Son of a bitch!","Alexis: Baby, it's crazy, people are just like, taking our stuff! I said, they're taking our stuff! Can you just step out of the club for a second, ple... Hold on, hold on! Those bags are not for you, my boyfriend bought those for me, so, theoretically, they are his!","Revenue agent 1: Please sir, can you step aside?","David: No, you step aside! You step aside! I'm still trying to wrap my mind around what kind of a sick person wants to get paid to destroy another person's life! Destroy another person's life! Where are you taking that?! My very soul has been kidnapped, there's no ransom, no one's coming to save me!","Johnny: We've got 15 minutes to collect our personals, can we pick up the pace?!","Moira: No, no! Did you put Kristen with Robin? They don't like each other! Nooooo! Nooooo! (Sobbing)","Lawyer: Eli really did a number, Johnny. He took everything. They're still looking for him, they think he's in the Caymans. He was our business manager, he's supposed to pay taxes! Hmm. There is a very small amount set aside for you, and one asset the government has allowed you to retain. The kids.","Lawyer: The children are dependents, Moira. You bought a small town in 1991, Johnny. Yes, I bought that as a joke for my son. Wait, you actually purchased that town? Yes, I purchased the town, how else could I get the deed?","Alexis: You could've photo shopped the deed!","David: And saved the money! Why would I Photoshop a deed, the joke was owning the town!","Moira: Okay, stop.","Johnny: That was the joke!","David: Oh my God!","Johnny: Well, that was the joke!","Lawyer: To Johnny's credit...","This town just might be your saving grace, at least for a while.","Moira: What do you mean? You can live there for next to nothing, until you get back on your feet. I'm sure there's a penthouse we can move into, please, there are other options. Well, homelessness is still on the table.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Alexis: The whole time I was surrounded by old women wearing visors, who smelled like yams!","There was nowhere to lie down! There was nowhere to lie down, there was no bed! There was no kitchen.","I know!","No. I don't know what to tell you, there's like, cows all over the place, like, everywhere.","I don't know if there's even a station,","I don't know what's happening! (Clears throat) Johnny Rose! Roland Schitt. Oh, you're the mayor we're supposed to meet. That's right, I'm the mayor, so if you're looking for an ass to kiss, it's mine!","(Chortles)","Oh, this is my family, my son... Let's get you all squared away in the office there, Johnny, okay, the gals can grab the bags, you follow me, all right, right this way, watch it, honey, here we come.","Alexis: The \"Cheaters\" marathon we watched, it's like that.","Moira: Children, keep an eye on these bags.","Apparently in hell, there's no bellman!","Alexis: David, what are we...","David: Shut up!","Alexis: You shut up!","David: You shut up!","Alexis: Um, you shut up!","David: You shhhut up! The name is Rose. I don't see a reservation under that name. It's okay, Stevie, I set aside two rooms for them. Well, there's nothing here. Well okay, fine, just book 'em in with two rooms, these people own the town; They're big deals. We'll need three rooms, minimum.","Roland: Ooh, no can do, honey. Look, we have a one room comp policy here, and I am personally throwing in an extra room out of sheer decency, so... What about suites? Do you have a couple of suites? This guy! Um... No, this is a motel, so we cater more to off road truckers and drunk teenagers.","Moira: Please, someone just give me a key, to a door, to a room any room! I just want a bathtub, and a long extension cord, please.","Roland: There you go, ma'am.","(Suitcases and boxes thud)","It smells like a gym bag.","Moira: Does anyone else feel light headed?","Roland: Oh my God, this takes me back to high school.","You know, I did the deed in just about every room in this place. Yep, if a forensic team came in here with one of those blue lights, this place would just light up! Okay, that's good.","Alexis: Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!","David: Oh my God. Oh my God! Oh hey, chief, the other room's right through there.","(Keys jingle)","Here you go.","(Relaxed grunt)","Moira: And there's the bed,","I should probably pull off that cover, and... burn it.","Roland: All right. Good, Roland, thank you very much, appreciate everything, uh...","T.V. announcer: ... Have a ball in the land down under!","Ever wanna ride a kangaroo? Okay.","(Changing channels)","Alexis: Okay.","Okay.","David: Oof!","Alexis: Okay, okay. (Giggles)","Okay, okay, okay.","Okay. Okay.","Okay. Okay! Okay. Okay. I love you! Oh, okay, well, it looks like you got all the channels except for Channel 19 for some reason. I don't know why. Well, the thing is we won't be watching a lot of television, but again, thank you, I don't want to keep you, I know you're a busy man.","(Static hisses)","(Gasps)","(Muffled retch)","Whoa!","(Door creaks)","Hi. Can I help you?","David: I'm looking for an extra towel,","Stevie: Okay... And this might be a stupid question, considering the state of the rugs in our room, but do you have a business centre here? Yes, we do have a business center. You can find it right outside the doors to your left, right beside the hammam spa. Would you like me to book you a treatment while you're at it?","David: Thank you, no, just the towel, thanks. I'll get those right out.","(Gunshots, dramatic music on television)","Well Roland, once again, thank you for giving us the lay of the land here, but we have some serious unpacking to do. Oh, sure!","Johnny: If you don't mind. No problem there, Johnny, I don't mind helpin' out. Listen, one thing before I go here, um... Do you mind if I use your toilet?","Moira: Is it absolutely necessary?","Roland: Uh, yeah, I would say it's absolutely necessary! (Laughs) Excuse me. Absolutely necessary. Yes, that train has left the station, if you know what I mean! (Chuckles)","David: I need that bed.","Alexis: Why?","David: Because I need it.","Alexis: Why? Because if someone were to break in here in the middle of the night wanting to murder us, they would attack this bed first, so I need this bed. So you're saying that you want me to get murdered first?! In front of you? And then what would you do? Would you just run away and leave me to bleed out... On the floor?! Uh, sort of, that was the plan, yeah.","Alexis: Okay. Well, you can have the bed when I leave.","David: Well, where are you going?","Alexis: Stavros is flying in to get me, I told you that. What do you mean Stavros is com... What do you mean? When? When is he doing that? Like, whenever stupid Mary-Kate stops hogging his plane. Well, where are we going? Okay, at present, he's just coming for me, but then I figured that we would just come back and grab you guys at some point. What kind of sociopath abandons her family in some vomit soaked dump, to gallivant around the world with her dumb shipping heir loser boyfriend she's known for three months?! Um, David, it will be four months next month! Oh my God! And he just told me that he could potentially see himself considering saying \"I love you\" at some point sometime soon, so... That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I'm telling mom. I'm telling mom and dad, have you told them?","Alexis: No! No David, I'm waiting for the right opportunity. Okay, otherwise dad's gonna cry, and mom's gonna do that thing where she pretends that nothing's wrong, and then just doesn't talk to me for five months, and I don't want that. Well, I need this bed! I need it, so. You know what, David?! You get murdered first for once! No, you get murdered first! David, you get murdered first!","David: No, you! You do it!","Alexis: Yes, you get murdered first! David, you get murdered first!","(Door creaks open)","I actually think this place is kinda cute.","Moira: Did you say cute? No Alexis, Martha Stewart's Hampton home is cute.","David: Where's that weird man? Where? He's in the bathroom. He... he won't leave! Well, he's been in there for a very long ti... Oh my God! Oh my God!","(Toilet flushes)","Roland: Jeez. Um... Boy.","Remind me to get that window fixed. It will not open. Roland, listen, thank you very much, but I appreciate everything you've done, we need a little private time now, as a family. Sure, well actually, those curtains do close there so... Oh, look! You've got Channel 19! Roland, could you get the f*ck out?!","T.V. announcer: This latest model is a revelation in innovation.","I am not lying folks, it's gonna last you a lifetime. You are gonna thank...","(TV clicks off)","That was an overreaction. That was uncalled for. It's just... you know, we're a little tired, it's been a long day, there's a pharmacy worth of drugs wearing off on most of us right now, and I just think as a family, we just need a little time to chill. Johnny, please, you don't have to apologize, and you really don't have to hit me over the head with this sort of thing, I get it, you need your little family time and all that, I'm sure. No problem. You know what I'll do, I'll um... I'll just get the f*ck out of here.","(Door slams, shade rattles forcefully)","[SCENE_BREAK]","David: Ugh, we have to eat in here?!","Alexis: I think it's kinda sweet.","Alexis, what's going on with you?","Alexis: What do you mean?","Moira: Seriously?! The room was \"cute,\" this place is \"sweet.\"","David: I am personally offended by this place, I don't know what you think is nice about it.","Moira: The town is disgusting. It is gruesome.","Alexis: It is charming, it is quaint, it's like out of a storybook. Alexis, what the hell is the matter with you?! Okay... Stavros is flying in to get me, and I am going to go live with him for a little bit. Well, that is not happening. And I am appalled that my baby girl has turned into a selfish, duplicitous whore! Oh, hello!","Twyla: Hi, I'm Twyla. I'll be your waitress today. Anyway, I read about you guys, and everything you've gone through, it sounds super crappy. Super crappy? I had a second cousin in Elmdale who did telemarketing, he made a ton of money. It turns out his entire business was illegal, and he lost everything. Hm... not quite the same. Yeah, no, he went to prison, which is terrible, but... But he is learning Spanish, no mas, le duele! I think it means, \"stop, it hurts.\" Oh, wonderful anecdote. Could you give us a moment please? Whenever you're ready, I'm just right over here. I forbid you to abandon our family. I am a grown woman, mother. This is an act of a spoiled child! I think it's unforgivable!","Alexis: I think that you're just super jealous, 'cause I'm getting out of here! Also, you have a big thing of dandruff on your eyebrow.","David: Don't do that!","Johnny: Kids, stop, stop!","Moira: The world is falling apart around us John, and I'm dying inside.","Johnny: Well, I'm feeling a little queasy myself. Oh, brisket!","David: Give me... some spale!","Alexis: David!","Moira: John...","Moira: Oh my God!","Alexis: Umm... These rooms did have doors, didn't they? Yeah, it's a hotel, they're hotel rooms! It's a motel! These are motel rooms. What if they took our stuff?!","David: What stuff? There's no stuff to take. I have stuff! Son of a bitch!","(Door slams)","Yeah, I've got a problem. If this is about doors... Yeah, it's about doors, yeah, my doors are gone, my front door, somebody stole my doors!","Stevie: Yeah, you're gonna have to talk to Roland about that. He lives just down the street, you make a left out of the motel and then another left. It's a house with a truck in the driveway. There's a bumper sticker of a naked Helen Mirren. (Moira screams) Oh my God, no! No! No!","Alexis: What?! Ah! My earrings! They were there. They're not there!","David: Where did they go? I don't know! I don't know! First you threatened to abandon me, and now my precious diamonds are gone! Okay, you are super dramatic right now. Shut up and look for them! (Shrieks)","(Whimpers, shrieks)","(Screaming repeatedly)","(Screams)","(Sobbing hysterically)","Get open!","(Dog barks)","Johnny: Roland, I see you behind the truck!","Yeah, of course you see me. I'm looking at my gravel. Gravel these days, what are you gonna do?","Johnny: Yeah, it's gravel.","Roland: Yeah, it's gravel! Hey, good news for you. I talked to a guy about that bathroom window. That's the least of my concerns right now! Oh really? Well, why don't we address your concerns?! The doors! I want my doors back!","Roland: Oh!","Johnny: Before it gets dark! My son is afraid of moths. Oh, hmm. Well, here's the thing about that Johnny, you see, you did a bad thing. You disrespected me in front of your family! And now they think less of me. I doubt that's possible. And to be honest, you were kinda breathing down our necks a little bit back at the motel. Johnny, when I was a kid and I did a bad thing, my father took the doors off my room. And he said to me, \"Roland, privacy is earned.\" I am having a tough time following that. What the hell does that have to do with privacy? Nothing. I just got mad, and I took your doors. Look, if you took offense to anything I said back at the motel, just know it wasn't personal. All right, apology accepted. Well, that was less of an apology, and more of an explanation. Nevertheless, I accept your apology. Which it wasn't! So thank you again for that apology. Well, there was no apology, and I can't do this anymore! You said you're sorry in a very sweet and humble way, and that takes a big man to do that, and that's what Johnny Rose is! A big man! Ooh!","Moira: Oh! (Banging) Hello! Hello! Hi, hello, come here, please. I don't suppose you saw any hobos or crackheads loitering around the hotel today? No crackheads, no... While the rooms were exposed to the world like a Moroccan fair, someone got in here and stole my earrings. But it was just... but it was just you here today.","Stevie: It was.","Moira: It was. I'm assuming you were the only one here on the premises today? I think I know where you're going with this. No, I'm simply confirming that you alone were here when the earrings were stolen. Are you asking me if I stole your earrings? No, I would never, please! But I also would certainly never press charges if my earrings were suddenly to be returned. If they suddenly reappeared, if you gave them back I would not press charges, I would look the other way. Okay, you know what? I gotta run. 'Cause I wanna hit the pawn shop before it closes. I owe my crack dealer a ton of money, so. You seem like you have this under control, though.","David: What just happened?!","Moira: David, I politely asked that concierge girl if she had stolen my earrings, and she turned ice cold, and now she's on her way to a pawn shop!","David: What?! I need a towel! Hello, hi. Hi, I am sorry if my mom accused you of taking something.","Stevie: It's fine. Okay, but does this mean that when you're cleaning our rooms, you're gonna put weird stuff in our beds out of spite, or something? I won't be cleaning your room. Okay, can I ask you a question? Shoot. I think you're kind of rude! Is that a question? I have asked you thrice now for a towel, so that I may wash this town off my body. Do you think I wanna be here? Do you think I wanna be here?! I don't know what you want, you've given me one word answers since I got here! So if I get you a towel you'll stop following me to my car? Yes! Yes! Fine, but I'm only doing this because you called me rude, and I take that as a compliment. The man is a lunatic! What the hell happened here? We've been robbed. Right now some local is pawning my earrings for crank.","Johnny: Your diamonds?!","Moira: Yes, my diamonds, the one thing I could hide under my tongue. Moira, I took your earrings out of here, and I put them in my shoe. For safekeeping.","Alexis: No! No! (Anguished sob)","Stavros just texted me. And he ended it, he's not coming! He said he doesn't have time to come and get me, because he already rsvp'd to Diddy's white party, and doesn't have time to do both! But I was supposed to be his date to the white party! Alexis, he was never my favourite Stavros. I've hated that guy ever since he asked me to do lines with him at my sixtieth. Just out of sheer curiosity, um, where do you stand now on whether or not you think this motel is cute? Like, is it still cute, or is it... You're a dick, David!","David: Oh, I'm a dick! Okay, did I dump you for a party?!","Johnny: David, help me with the doors. No I can't, I just got out of the shower. I need help with the doors.","David: Oh my God!","Alexis: David, help him with the doors!","David: You help him with the doors!","Alexis: No! David, could you help me with the doors?! It's air drying! Pick up a hammer, and nail this coffin shut! As if I didn't see this coming. He's broken up with me five times already. Like, there was that time that he never met me in Rio, and remember that time that he gave me his ex wife's engagement ring? And then, last summer, that time that he left his Molly in my glove compartment, and then I got arrested? Oh my God! Can you do me a huge favour? And never repeat this to anyone that you respect, okay?","David: Okay? Okay.","Alexis: Okay. Kids, we just came in to say good night, and to remind you that we will get through this...","David: Okay, good night!","Johnny: As a family...","David: Warmest regards to you both. And that will end up on our feet in no time! Of course, by then our feet will be shoeless, and filthy and mangled, from walking on cigarette butts and broken beer bottles. So, seriously Alexis, enough about Stavros! I'm sorry if I am going through something right now!","David: You're going through something?!","Moira: Good night, children.","Johnny: Good night!","David: Good night.","Alexis: (Tearfully) Good night.","Moira: Let's all pray we don't wake up."],"Show Title":"Schitt's Creek","Episode Number":"01x01","Episode Title":"The Cup Runneth Over","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Teen_Wolf_01x11.json","Recap":["Kate has Derek chained up in a basement following her attack on his house and shows him off to Allison before torturing him. The coach has banned Scott from the Spring Formal in exchange for not dropping him from the team for academic reasons. Scott intimidates Jackson into escorting Allison to the dance, and she asks Lydia to escort Stiles. Stiles convinces Peter Hale, who is the alpha werewolf, to spare Lydia's life after he bites her. Peter Hale agrees to Stiles' request, but in return Stiles must help him locate Derek. Scott sneaks into the dance, confessing his feelings to Allison. But soon thereafter, Allison discovers Scott's secret when her father, Chris Argent, and another hunter try to run Scott down with their car."],"Transcript":["Allison: What are you doing to him? Is that gonna kill him?","Kate: Oh, come on, kiddo. Don't get all ethical on me now.","Allison: What is he?","Kate: Shape - shifter. Lycan. Werewolf. To me he's just another dumb animal.","Kate: Come here. See these right here? These are canines, also known as fangs. Made for the tearing and rending of flesh. Not something you'd find on those cute little leaf - eating herbivores, is it?","Allison: This is a joke to you?","Kate: Sweetheart, there are werewolves running around in the world. Everything's a joke to me. How else do you think I stay sane?","Allison: So - it was him at the high school and all the other animal attacks?","Kate: There's actually three of them - Another younger one like him called a Beta, and then there's the Alpha. Alpha's the pack leader - Bigger, stronger, nastier. Those - are the real ugly motherf -","Allison: Oh, God, not now.","Allison: When were they gonna tell me?","Kate: They still haven't decided if they're gonna tell you.","Allison: Why?","Kate: Let's just say if you react badly when you find out - Not good.","Allison: What do you mean,\"not good\"?","Kate: They don't think that you can handle it. They look at you and they see this frightened little girl who's gonna run crying in the corner when she finds out the truth. Me - what I see - Natural talent. Allison, you said you wanted to feel more powerful, right? Now's your chance.","Allison: What am I supposed to do now?","Kate: Go to school, do your homework. Go to the Formal on Friday night. Be a normal teenage girl who doesn't know anything. Trust me to get everything ready for the next part.","Allison: What's the next part?","Kate: You're gonna help me catch the second Beta.","Sheriff: Allison? You all right?","Allison: Yeah. Sorry I was going so fast, I - I didn't realize I - I -","Sheriff: Oh, no. Uh - Okay, all right, uh - Listen, you weren't going that fast. Just, uh - 75 in a 25 in a - construction zone.","Allison: Oh, God - uh, I'm not crying get out of the ticket. I just, um - I don't want you to think I'm like this -","Sheriff: No, it's okay, perfectly okay. It's, uh -","Allison: No, please. Write me a ticket. I need you to write me a ticket, okay?","Sheriff: Okay. I don't see how that's gonna really make you feel a lot better -","Allison: It's so humiliating. I swear I'm not like this.","Sheriff: I understand.","Allison: This isn't me. This is - this is - This is not me! This is not me. I'm okay.","Sheriff: Yeah?","Allison: Yeah. I'm okay. I'm okay.","Sheriff: Do I still have to write you a ticket?","Deaton: Welcome back to the land of the conscious. You doing okay? Maybe you should sit down, huh? Hello?","Deaton: I'm sorry, but we're - We're closed.","Peter: Hi there. I'm here to pick up.","Deaton: I'm not sure I remember you dropping off.","Peter: This one wandered in on its own.","Deaton: Even if he did, I'm afraid I can't help you - We're closed.","Peter: Well, I think you can make an exception this one time - Don't you?","Deaton: I'm sorry. That's not going to be possible. Maybe you could come back during regular hours.","Peter: You have something of mine. I'm here to collect it.","Deaton: Like I said - We're closed.","Peter: Mountain ash. That's an old one.","Deaton: Let me be as clear as possible. We - are - closed.","Peter: There are others who can help me get what I want, Scott. More innocent - and far more vulnerable.","Scott: Allison!","Scott: Call it again.","Stiles: It's not here. Okay, so you lost your phone. Why don't you just get a new one?","Scott: I can't afford a new one. And I can't do this alone. We have to find Derek.","Stiles: Well, \"A\", you're not alone. You have me. And \"B\", didn't you say Derek walked into gunfire? He sounds pretty dead.","Scott: Argent's plan was to use him to get to the Alpha - they're not gonna kill him.","Stiles: All right, so then just let them do what they're planning, you know? They use Derek to get Peter - problem solved.","Scott: Not if Peter's going after Allison to find Derek! I can't protect her on my own. Which means we either find Derek first - just - just help me!","Stiles: You know, you probably lost it when you two were fighting. You remember that, when he was trying to kill you, after you interrupted him trying to kill Jackson? Are you starting to see a pattern of violent behavior here?","Scott: He wasn't going to kill anyone. And I'm not letting him die.","Stiles: Could you at least think about letting him die? For me? What?","Scott: My Mom just got home from work.","Melissa: Hi. It's me. Melissa Mccall. I'm - giving you a call. That always sounds really weird because of my last name, Mccall. So - yeah. Um - You know, I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to reschedule dinner or lunch. It doesn't have to be dinner. Lunch is good. Or maybe you would like to do coffee, or maybe you're a tea drinker. I don't know. You know, we could also just go out for drinks. Yeah, 'cause I think I need a few after this profoundly embarrassing phone call. So if this really doesn't freak you out too much after this disastrous call, feel free to, um, give me a call.","Stiles: Is she okay? What's she doing?","Scott: Crying.","Stiles: Scott, you can't protect everyone.","Scott: I have to.","Kate: Come on, Derek. He killed your sister. Now - either you're not telling me because, well, you want to kill him yourself, or for some reason - You're protecting him. Look at that sour face. I bet you always used to get people coming up to you saying, \"Smile, Derek.\" \"Why don't you smile more?\" Don't you just wanna - kick those people in the face?","Derek: I can think of one.","Kate: Promise? 'cause if I thought you'd be that much fun - I'd let you go. All right, let's see. Nothing, nothing, nothing. God, I hate this detective crap.","Derek: Are you gonna torture me - Or are you just gonna talk me to death, huh?","Kate: Oh, sweetie, I don't - I don't wanna torture you. I just - wanna catch up. Remember all the fun we had together?","Derek: Like the time you burned my family alive?","Kate: No, I was thinking more about the - hot, crazy s*x we had. But the fire thing. Yeah, that was fun too. I love how much you hate me. Remember how this felt?","Kate: Sweetheart, I really don't want to torture you. But he does.","Scott: What do you mean, I can't go to the formal?","Coach: Mccall, you're failing my class and two others. They told me to cut you from the team. I told them I'd sooner cut off my last remaining testicle than cut my best player.","Scott: S - so the compromise is I can't go to the dance?","Coach: Yeah.","Scott: Then I quit the team.","Coach: No, you don't. And if you show up at the dance. And I see you there - I'm gonna drag you out by your teeth.","Jackson: You want me to take her to the formal.","Scott: I don't want you to. I need you to.","Jackson: Screw you. You know what? Screw you too. In fact, screw each other.","Stiles: Hey, you know he saved your life, right?","Jackson: He left me for dead.","Scott: I got shot for you.","Jackson: Oh, yeah? Show me the bullet wound.","Scott: You know it healed.","Jackson: Convenient.","Scott: Just do it for Allison, okay? She's in serious danger. I'm talking around - the - clock danger. She needs someone to keep an eye on her at the dance.","Jackson: Have her dad do it, okay? He's the one actually equipped to handle this.","Scott: How am I supposed to do that and keep him from finding out about me?","Jackson: Not my problem.","Scott: You're her friend too. You are. All that time that you spent with her to get to me you can't tell me that you didn't get to know her and like her. It's Allison. It's impossible not to like her. You can't tell me that you don't care if she gets hurt.","Jackson: What if I get hurt?","Scott: Then it's worth it.","Jackson: Not to me.","Stiles: Well, I shouldn't say I told you so - 'cause it's not strong enough. How about I'm always right, and you should listen to whatever I have to say and never disagree ever, ever, for the sake of your wolflihood?","Scott: I'm not done.","Stiles: You're not done. Okay.","Scott: One more thing.","Jackson: Hey, what time should I pick you up for the dance tomorrow?","Allison: Are you okay?","Jackson: Yeah, I - I'm great. I'm just excited to go to the formal. With you. As friends. Just friends. Just - just friends.","Stiles: Hey, don't worry. I'll still be there.","Scott: I'm still going.","Stiles: Is that such a good idea? Do you even have a date?","Scott: Not yet.","Stiles: Do you have a suit?","Scott: Not yet.","Stiles: Do you have a ticket to the formal? A ride there?","Scott: No. And no.","Stiles: So you're gonna ride your bike to a dance that you're not even allowed to go to without a date, a suit, or a way in with werewolves and werewolf hunters all out to kick your little werewolf ass.","Scott: Yeah. You gonna help me?","Stiles: Hell, yeah.","Allison: Nothing's wrong, I just - I have a lot on my mind.","Lydia: You could smile, at least. Ever heard of the saying, \"Never frown. Someone could be falling in love with your smile\"? Smile, Allison. I'm buying you a dress.","Allison: Have to admit as far as apologies go, that's more than I expected.","Lydia: Excellent.","Allison: But not as much as I'm going to ask.","Lydia: What? What's that supposed to mean?","Allison: It means you're going to cancel on whatever dumb, roided - up jock you said yes to and you're going to go with somebody else.","Lydia: Who?","Allison: Him.","Allison: Don't frown, Lydia. Someone could be falling in love with your smile.","Stiles: Oh - okay, so are you just gonna - try these on right now? All of them? Is this a 24 - hour Macy's?","Peter: That's not your color. Sorry if that was intrusive, but - considering your skin tone, I'd go lighter.","Allison: Because I'm pale?","Peter: Fair. I mean, you can't call skin like yours pale. Not skin that perfect.","Allison: Okay.","Peter: Trust me, I - I have a unique perspective on the subject. Do you mind? See? Much better. You're not here alone, are you? Shopping for dresses - with friends. High school dance.","Allison: Formal.","Announcer: Attention shoppers. To the owner of a blue Mazda, license plate -","Allison: Did she just say a blue Mazda?","Announcer: - 5768. Your car is being towed -","Allison: Oh! That's my car.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Peter: I have to say, Scott, I continue to be impressed with your ingenuity. Just remember - You can't be everywhere all the time.","Chris: Hey. It is me. I'm getting tired of leaving messages. I wanna know where you are. Call me. Now.","Kate: Unfortunately, Derek, if you're not gonna talk - I'm just gonna have to kill you. So say hi to your sister for me. You did tell her about me, didn't you? The truth about the fire? Or did you? Did you tell anybody? Oh, sweetie - That's just a lot of guilt to keep buried. It's not all your fault. You got tricked by a pretty face. It happens! Handsome young werewolf mistakenly falls in love with a super - hot girl who comes from a family that kills the werewolves. Is that ironic? Is it - ironic - That you're inadvertently helping me track down the rest of the pack - again? Or just a little bit of history repeating. History repeating. It's not Jackson, is it? Oh, no, no, no, he's got a little scratch on the back of his neck, but - he's not in love with Allison. Not like Scott.","Melissa: This is really nice. How did you afford a - oh -","Scott: It's not gonna work, is it?","Melissa: No, no, it's fine, it's fine. No one'll notice. No one legally blind.","Scott: I heard that.","Melissa: Okay, well, you just come in here, and we can try it. Come on, come on, come on. Let's do this. See? I actually think this is gonna work.","Scott: Really?","Melissa: Turn. And - no.","Scott: What?","Melissa: Yeah.","Scott: What - I - I don't have time for this! I can't buy new ones, Mom! What am I gonna do?","Melissa: Okay, don't panic, all right? Take them off. Pants off now. So is she coming here, because you know I need the car tonight.","Scott: No. I'm going stag.","Melissa: You're going alone?","Scott: Stag. There's a difference. Sort of.","Melissa: I'm sorry, I'm just a little, you know, surprised that, you know, you don't have anyone else to ask other than Allison.","Scott: There are no other girls besides Allison.","Melissa: You really feel that way?","Scott: Can you just please keep sewing?","Melissa: No, no, no, no. You have time for just one question. Come here. Do you really feel that way?","Scott: I can't help it. I mean, every time I look at her, I get this - this hollow feeling in my chest, and it's like - it's like someone literally took a shovel and dug a hole in me, and it's the worst feeling I've ever had in my life, and I didn't - I didn't know anyone could actually ever feel this bad.","Melissa: I know. Everyone knows eventually. It does go away.","Scott: I don't want it to.","Melissa: Have you told her how you feel?","Scott: She knows.","Melissa: Come on, she knows. She knows? Listen, dumb ass, I'm gonna let you in on a secret that most guys don't even have a clue about, all right? You ready? Women love words.","Scott: Huh?","Melissa: You need to tell her how you feel. Just say it. Say it again. Say it differently. Learn how to say it better. Learn how to sing it. You know, just write it in a poem and a letter attached to flowers, carve it in a tree, in a sidewalk with cement - tattoo on your arm.","Scott: Really?","Melissa: No. Not really. Just - Tell her the truth. Tell her - anything and everything you want.","Scott: Everything?","Melissa: But when you do - I'd keep that buttoned. Here you go.","Allison: I'm good, thanks.","Jackson: You want to do tonight sober?","Allison: I wouldn't mind remembering some of it.","Jackson: Yeah, well - I wouldn't mind forgetting all of it.","Allison: Do you know if Scott's coming?","Jackson: I know he's not allowed to. Academic probation.","Allison: Normal teenage girl. You can do this. Smile, Allison. Somebody could be falling in love with your -","Lydia: Jackson. You look handsome.","Jackson: Obviously. It's Hugo Boss.","Lydia: I don't care. I don't want compliments. I will not fall prey to society's desire to turn girls into emotional, insecure neurotics who pull up their dresses at the first flattering remark.","Stiles: Well, I think you look beautiful.","Lydia: Really?","Allison: Do you wanna dance?","Jackson: Do I have to?","Allison: Not the response I was expecting, but - No, I guess not.","Stiles: You wanna dance?","Lydia: Pass.","Stiles: You know what? Let me try that again. Lydia - get off your cute little ass and dance with me now.","Lydia: Interesting tactic. I'm gonna stick with no.","Stiles: Lydia, get up - okay? You're gonna dance with me. I don't care that you made out with my best friend for some weird power thing, I don't - Lydia, I've had a crush on you since the third grade. And I know that somewhere inside that cold, lifeless exterior there's an actual human soul. And I'm also pretty sure that I'm the only one who knows how smart you really are. Uh - huh. And that once you're done pretending to be a nitwit - you'll eventually go off and write some insane mathematical theorem that wins you the Nobel Prize.","Lydia: A Fields Medal.","Stiles: What?","Lydia: Nobel doesn't have a prize for mathematics. The Fields Medal's the one I'll be winning.","Coach: Mccall! I see you! Come here, buddy. Come here. Mccall! Get outta my way! Mccall! It's a small gym, buddy. I'm gonna find you. I gotcha, Mccall! Come here, come here! Get outta my way! Mccall!","Scott: Danny, Danny, dance with me.","Danny: What?","Scott: Dance with me.","Danny: No.","Scott: Please! Right now! Right now!","Coach: Mccall! You're not supposed to - What the hell are you do - What the hell are you doing?","Scott: Yes, coach?","Coach: Okay, ho - ho - ho - ha ha. Hold on, you - I was just saying he's not supposed to - I mean, I wasn't saying that he shouldn't - You guys don't think - You don't - I - I was - Just dance, everybody. Just dance! Dance! It's a party!","Scott: Thanks, dude, I owe you!","Coach: What are you looking at, Greenberg?","Scott: Allison.","Allison: Yes, I would love to dance with you.","Stiles: You okay?","Lydia: Just - need to take a little break.","Stiles: You mean you need to go find Jackson. I get it.","Jackson: Come on. Come on, do it. I know you're here. Come on! Come on - I wanna be like you. I wanna be one of you. Please.","Chris: Unfortunately, Jackson, I don't think I can give you what you want. But I have a feeling you might be able to help me.","Allison: What?","Scott: It's just hard not to look at you.","Allison: I like it when you look at me.","Scott: I remember this one time, Uh - I was holding you and you fell asleep in my arms and - I was watching you and I thought, \"I could stay like this for hours.\" And then - you started drooling and it got kinda disgusting. And then my arm fell asleep with your head on it and pins and needles started to hurt.","Allison: Okay. Shut up.","Scott: Sorry. I just like hearing you laugh. And, uh - I kinda love your smile. Allison, I need to tell you something. Remember when we were talking in my room the other night?","Allison: Oh, you don't have to apologize. Stiles told me about the car accident.","Scott: I - it's not that. It's about Derek, and it's about everything that you were trying to tell me.","Allison: That was, uh - forget about that. I - I - I don't know what I was talking about.","Scott: I do, and I believe you.","Allison: You don't have to. I know things now - things are different. Just - just trust me.","Jackson: You promise you won't hurt him.","Chris: Of course not. He's just a kid.","Jackson: What are you gonna do?","Chris: I'm going to take care of it. Now, go back to the dance, Jackson. Be with your friends. Be a normal teenager.","Lydia: Jackson!","Scott: You weren't wrong.","Allison: Yes. I was. The stuff I was saying, it was crazy, so -","Scott: Allison, please let me talk.","Allison: Why did you do that?","Scott: Because I love you.","Stiles: Where the hell have you been? Did Lydia ever find you? What? What's wrong?","Jackson: I - I was out behind the school, and I - I was - out -","Stiles: What happened? Jackson. What did you do?","Lydia: Jackson! Jackson! Jackson! Jackson, is that you? Jackson, is that you?","Stiles: Lydia! Run!","Stiles: Don't kill her. Please.","Peter: Of course not. Just tell me how to find Derek.","Stiles: W - what?","Peter: Tell me how to find Derek Hale.","Stiles: I don't know that. How would I know that?","Peter: Because you're the clever one, aren't you? And because deception has a particularly acrid scent, Stiles. Tell me the truth - Or I will rip her apart.","Stiles: Look - Look, I don't know, okay? I sw - I swear to god, I have no idea.","Peter: Tell me!","Stiles: Okay, okay, okay, look, I - I think he knew -","Peter: Knew what?","Stiles: Derek, I think he - I think he knew he was gonna be caught.","Peter: By the Argents?","Stiles: Yeah.","Peter: And?","Stiles: When they were shot, he and Scott - I think he took Scott's Phone.","Peter: Why?","Stiles: They all have GPS now. So if he still has it and if it's still on - you can find him.","Scott: Where are we going?","Allison: Somewhere we can be alone.","Scott: Alone where? Where are you going?","Allison: Over here. You okay?","Scott: Yeah. Just a little weird deja vu. Sure this is a good idea?","Allison: In a minute, you are going to think this is a great idea.","Scott: I really hate it when you say things like that.","Allison: Come on.","Scott: We should get back to the dance. Screw it."],"Show Title":"Teen Wolf","Episode Number":"01x11","Episode Title":"Formality","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Teen_Wolf_02x06.json","Recap":["Derek engages the Kanima in a fight interrupted by Chris and Gerard. The Kanima does not attack Gerard, instead seeming to communicate with him, which confuses Chris. After the Kanima paralyzes Danny and 6 others at a gay club, Jackson passes out, so Stiles locks him up in a police van. However, Jackson transforms and escapes. Allison discovers the Kanima seeks a master, revealing that Jackson is being controlled by someone."],"Transcript":["Allison: I need you to promise that you won't say anything about what just happened.","Lydia: I'll promise not to say anything about what just happened if you can tell me what the hell just happened.","Allison: It's - it's kind of complicated.","Lydia: Well, how 'bout you start with why was Derek there? Or where Jackson went, or what is wrong with Erica? Oh, do you need a minute to come up with a plausible lie?","Allison: Part of the reason why I'm asking is because Scott and I aren't supposed to be seeing each other, okay? So, it's better if you just keep what you know to yourself.","Lydia: Fine. I'll keep what I know about you and your boyfriend - which is nothing - to myself.","Allison: Hey. He's not just my boyfriend. You get that, right?","Lydia: Let me go.","Allison: Just for one second, please, try and remember -","Lydia: Remember what?","Allison: Remember what it feels like. All of those times in school when you see him standing down the hall, and you cannot breathe until you're with him. Or those times in class when you - you can't stop looking at the clock because you know that he's standing right out there waiting for you. Don't you remember what that's like?","Lydia: No.","Allison: What do you mean, \"no\"? You've had boyfriends.","Lydia: None like that.","Stiles: What do we do now?","Scott: Holy cr -","Stiles: Wha - sorry, I'm sorry. Did you see where he went?","Scott: I lost him.","Stiles: What? You couldn't catch his scent?","Scott: I don't think he has one.","Stiles: All right, any clue where he's going?","Scott: To kill someone.","Stiles: Ah. That explains the claws, and the fangs, and all that. Good. Makes perfect sense now. What? Scott, come on. I'm 147 pounds of pale skin and fragile bone, okay? Sarcasm is my only defense.","Scott: Just help me find it.","Stiles: Not \"it.\" Jackson.","Scott: Yeah, I know. I - I know.","Stiles: All right, but does he know that? Did anybody else see him back at your house?","Scott: I mean, I don't think so, but he already passed Derek's test anyway.","Stiles: Yeah, but that's just the thing. How did he pass the test?","Scott: I don't know.","Stiles: Maybe it's like an either - or thing. I mean, Derek said that a snake can't be poisoned by its own venom, right? When's the kanima not the kanima?","Scott: When it's Jackson.","Stiles: Uh - dude. See that?","Scott: He's inside.","Stiles: What's he gonna do in there?","Scott: I know who he's after.","Stiles: What, how? How? Did you smell something?","Scott: Armani.","Stiles: Aw, come on. All right, maybe there's, like, a, uh - like, a window we could climb through, or some kind of - Handle that we could rip off with supernatural strength. How'd I not think of that one?","Scott: Dude, everyone in here's a dude. I think we're in a gay club.","Stiles: Man, nothing gets past those keen werewolf senses, huh, Scott?","Barkeeper: You're better off without him.","Danny: Still doesn't feel good.","Barkeeper: You know what will feel good? That guy.","Stiles: Two beers.","Barkeeper: IDs. How 'bout two cokes?","Stiles: Rum and coke? Sure. Coke's fine, actually. I'm driving anyway.","Waiter: That one's paid for.","Stiles: Oh, shut up.","Scott: I didn't say anything.","Stiles: Yeah, well, your face did. Hey, I found Danny.","Scott: I found Jackson.","Lydia: Okay. I love you. Go. Go. Let's go, Prada. You're all of six pounds. There can't be that much to come out of you. Prada, let's go! Prada? Prada. Prada?","Peter: Lose something?","Scott: Get Danny.","Stiles: What're you gonna do? Works for me.","Stiles: Danny! Danny! Danny.","Scott: Jackson! No, don't!","Scott: What do we do with him now?","Lydia: So, should I call the police, or is there a non - rapist explanation for being in my yard in the middle of the night?","Peter: I heard him barking, and I live in the house back there. Is that okay, or should I start running?","Lydia: Well, thanks for bringing him back.","Peter: Everything okay?","Lydia: \"Okay\" meaning what?","Peter: Meaning - are you all right?","Lydia: Meaning the other day in class? I'm not crazy. I may be the girl who sleepwalks naked and writes backwards on the chalkboard, but at least I'm not one of those desperate Vicodin - popping wrist cutters at school.","Peter: Oh, is that what the other girls are like? Why'd you do that?","Lydia: Do what?","Peter: You - you stepped back.","Lydia: You stepped forward.","Peter: Maybe I wanted to kiss you.","Lydia: Maybe I don't want you to.","Peter: Does that mean - Maybe I could?","Lydia: If you want me to punch you in the throat.","Peter: Could I hold your hand?","Lydia: What am I, nine years old?","Peter: Uh, could I give you a flower? Promise to keep it? If I ask you tomorrow if you have it, and you say, \"no,\" I'm gonna be really hurt.","Lydia: Well, if I don't, I'll lie.","Scott: Danny.","Danny: McCall, what are you doing here?","Scott: Just, uh, seeing if you're okay. And, um, I'm wondering if anything weird happened to you today. Besides being paralyzed from the neck down.","EMT: Sorry, but we need to get him to the hospital.","Scott: One more question, just one. Are you okay?","Danny: Did it happen to my ex too?","Scott: Yeah.","Danny: Then I'm great.","Scott: Couldn't get anything out of Danny.","Stiles: Okay, can we just get the hell outta here now, before one of my dad's deputies sees me?","Stiles: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Could this get any worse? That was rhetorical.","Scott: Get rid of him.","Stiles: Get rid of him? We're at a crime scene, and he's the sheriff.","Scott: Do something.","Stiles: Hey.","Jackson: What's - what's going on?","Scott: Jackson, Jackson, be quiet.","Sheriff: What're you doing here?","Stiles: What do you mean what am I doing here? What? It's a club. It's a club, we were clubbing, you know? At the club.","Sheriff: Not exactly your type of club.","Stiles: Uh - well, dad - There's a conversation that we -","Sheriff: You're not gay.","Stiles: Wha - I could be.","Sheriff: Not dressed like that.","Stiles: Well, what's - uh -","Scott: Jackson, be quiet.","Sheriff: This is the second crime scene that you just happened to have shown up on. And at this point, I've been fed so many lies, I'm not sure I know the kid standing in front of me. Now, what the hell is going on?","Jackson: What's happening?","Scott: Jackson, I'm sorry, but - Oh! Hey.","Stiles: Dad, I - I -","Sheriff: The truth, Stiles.","Stiles: The truth, all right. Well, the truth is that we were here with Danny. Yeah, 'cause he just broke up with his boyfriend, so, you know, we were just trying to take him out and get his mind off things. That's - that's it.","Sheriff: Well, that's really good of you guys. You're good friends.","Chris: Seven paralyzed. The rumor is drugs. Probably hallucinogens, since witnesses say they saw a demonic monster on the dance floor.","Gerard: Now, who would believe something like that?","Chris: You know what I'm having trouble believing? How you just stood there while that thing circled you, and did nothing. You want to explain that to me?","Gerard: Intuition.","Chris: Then you know what it is.","Gerard: I have a suspicion. And if I'm right, it plays by certain rules. Rules that don't bend easily.","Chris: Do we need to put a hold on Derek to figure this thing out?","Gerard: Not necessarily. Tonight's the first time you had a glimpse of him since Kate died, am I right?","Chris: Unfortunately.","Gerard: And the only other tie we have to him is Isaac Lahey.","Chris: What are you thinking?","Gerard: That if this thing bothers Derek enough to bring him out of his little hole, then we might have an opportunity. What did I teach you is the best way to eliminate a threat?","Chris: Get someone to do it for you.","Stiles: Uh, what about your house?","Scott: Not with my mom there. We need to take him somewhere where we can hold him long enough to figure out what to do with him. Or long enough to convince him he's dangerous.","Stiles: I still say we just kill him.","Scott: We're not killing him.","Stiles: God, f - Okay, okay. I got an idea.","Scott: Does it involve breaking the law?","Stiles: By now, don't you think that's a given?","Scott: I was just trying to be optimistic.","Stiles: Don't bother.","Jackson: Stiles! McCall! I'm gonna kill you!","Stiles: Okay, I bought you some foo -","Jackson: Let me out now!","Stiles: You know, I put those pants on you, all right, buddy? One leg at a time. Being all up - close and personal with your junk wasn't exactly a highlight of my day. So don't think this is fun for me either. You know we're actually doing you a favor?","Jackson: This is doing me a favor?","Stiles: Yes. You're - you're killing people. To death. Yeah. And until we can figure out how to stop you, you're gonna stay in here. I'm sorry. Now - you want the ham and cheese, or the turkey club?","Jackson: You actually think my parents won't be looking for me?","Stiles: Uh, well - not if they don't think anything's wrong. Yeah.","Sheriff: Mr. Whittemore, maybe I'm missing something, but, uh, this doesn't exactly spell foul play.","Mr. Whittemore: It reads, \"stayed at friend's house last night. Everything fine. Love you.\" Now, while we're as close as any family can be, there are certain things Jackson has not been able to say since the day we told him he was adopted.","Sheriff: Things like what?","Mr. Whittemore: Jackson never says, \"I love you.\"","Sheriff: Never?","Mr. Whittemore: Not once in 11 years.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gerard: So, who did you say you were studying with tonight?","Allison: Just Lydia. We're prepping for our world history midterm.","Gerard: History was one of my favorites. Especially military history. Ever hear the phrase, \"know thy enemy\"?","Allison: It's from the art of war by Sun Tzu.","Gerard: Very good. Know what it means?","Allison: In order to win a battle, one must know everything they can about their enemy.","Gerard: Right again. Your father and I happen to be having that very problem. We've got an enemy about which we know next to nothing. It's killed one of our own, among others.","Allison: I've heard.","Gerard: Did you hear Jackson Whittemore didn't show to school today?","Allison: He didn't?","Gerard: His parents called and so did the police. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Well, let me tell you what I know. I know that a teenager's first instinct is to protect their friends. And I believe my granddaughter would always want to protect her friends, even if it meant lying. So, I want to ask one more question, and this time, with a small advantage. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to get a sense of your pulse. Think of it as a game. All you have to do is tell the truth. Do you know anything about Jackson being missing?","Allison: No.","Gerard: Is he in trouble?","Allison: I - I - I - I don't know. I don't know.","Gerard: Does this have anything to do with Scott?","Allison: No. I mean, I don't - I don't know.","Gerard: Your pulse jumped.","Allison: It's because you're scaring me.","Gerard: Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart. That was definitely going way too far.","Allison: No kidding.","Gerard: It wasn't right for me to use tactics like that. I'm sorry. You can go back to class. Go ahead.","Allison: Scott. Scott.","Victoria: I'm afraid your teacher was feeling ill today, and had to leave early. So, unfortunately, you're stuck with me as a substitute. Can anyone catch me up to speed on where we are? Mr. McCall, how 'bout you?","Jackson: Scales? Like a fish.","Stiles: No, more like a reptile. Um, and, uh, your claws have this liquid that paralyzes people, and you have a tail.","Jackson: I have a tail?","Stiles: Yeah, you have a tail.","Jackson: Mm. Does it do anything?","Stiles: No, not that I know of.","Jackson: Can I use it to strangle you?","Stiles: Yeah, you still don't believe me. All right. The night of the semi - final game, what did you do right after?","Jackson: I went home.","Stiles: Are you sure about that?","Jackson: Yes, you idiot. What the hell else would I do?","Stiles: You attacked me and Derek at the school, and you trapped us in the pool. You also killed a mechanic - right in front of me, by the way. That was lovely. And one of Argent's hunters. Oh, and last night, you tried to kill Danny.","Jackson: Why would I want to kill my best friend?","Stiles: Well, that's what Scott's out trying to figure out right now.","Jackson: Mm. Well, maybe, he should be trying to figure out is how he's going to pay for a lawyer when I prosecute your asses all the way to jail!","Stiles: All right, well, tell me this. On the night of the first full moon, what happened?","Jackson: Nothing. Nothing happened.","Victoria: Allison. We've noticed quite a few calls from your phone to the odd one. Stilinski.","Allison: Oh, you told me to keep an eye on Lydia, and, um, he's had a crush on her since, like, third grade, so, I'm gonna have to talk to him.","Victoria: I know it's hard - Sitting here - Trying not to look at him. But think of how strong it makes you. Especially when all these other girls are just letting their entire high school lives be defined by some boy they're just praying will take them to senior prom.","Allison: Can't I be strong and go to prom?","Victoria: Of course. But with someone else. Remember, so long as you stay strong, we won't have to kill a 16 - year - old boy.","Stiles: Oh, my God.","Allison: They know.","Stiles: What?","Allison: They know Jackson's missing.","Stiles: No, they can't. I've been texting his parents since last night. They don't have a clue.","Gerard: My grandfather told me his parents went to the police. They know.","Stiles: Oh -","Dispatch: All available units proceed to Beacon Hills Preserve as instructed. Proceed with caution until Sheriff Stilinski's arrival. Proceed with caution.","Allison: Where are we going?","Stiles: Somewhere very far from this.","Mrs. Whittemore: Jackson?","Scott: You sure everything's okay between you and Jackson?","Danny: Yeah, everything's fine. Did the cops have to take my fake ID?","Scott: You didn't do anything to make him angry?","Danny: How angry?","Scott: On a scale of one to ten - one being \"kind of irritated,\" and ten \"wanting to kill you violently.\"","Danny: Jackson's kind of always at a four, but we're good. I was actually doing him a favor.","Scott: What favor?","Danny: I was recovering a video for him. I put it on my tablet. Which is in the trunk of my car, and probably still at the club.","Scott: What was on the video?","Danny: I'm not really supposed to say.","Scott: Danny, what if I told you this could be a matter of life and death?","Danny: I'm not supposed to say.","Scott: Okay. What if I told you you can get your fake ID Back?","Melissa: While I think you being here to check in on your friend is all sorts of commendable, I've gotta play tough mom right now, even though I'm not very good at it.","Scott: Right now?","Melissa: Yes, right now. I got a call from your principal. You are failing two classes?","Scott: I - I know. And that's why I'm studying with Stiles right now.","Melissa: Do you know that if you fail even one of your midterms, that they're gonna hold you back?","Scott: He said that?","Melissa: Yes. All of your friends are gonna be juniors, while you are still a sophomore. Do you understand, Scott? You cannot fail.","Scott: I know.","Melissa: Okay. Thank you.","Scott: If Jackson doesn't remember being the kanima, he's definitely not gonna remember stealing Danny's tablet.","Stiles: Why would he steal the thing if he doesn't even know what's on it?","Allison: What if someone else took it?","Stiles: Then somebody else knows what he is.","Scott: Uh, which could mean someone's protecting him.","Allison: Like the bestiary says, \"the kanima seeks a friend,\" right?","Stiles: Okay, hold on. So, somebody watches Jackson make a video of himself turning into the kanima, and then just erases part of it so he wouldn't know? I mean, who would do that?","Allison: Somebody who wanted to protect him?","Scott: There's something else. You said the only thing you found online about the kanima is that it goes after murderers. What if that's actually true?","Stiles: No, it can't be. Tried to kill all of us, remember? I don't know about you two, but I haven't murdered anybody lately.","Scott: But I - I don't think that it was actually trying to kill us. Remember when we were at Isaac's the first time, it just went right by us, didn't it?","Allison: You're right, it just ran off.","Scott: And it didn't kill you in the mechanic's garage.","Stiles: Well, yeah, but it tried to kill me and Derek in the pool.","Scott: Did it?","Stiles: It would've. It was waiting for us to come out.","Scott: What if it was trying to keep you in?","Stiles: Why do I feel so violated all of a sudden?","Scott: Because there's something else going on. We don't know what it is. We don't know anything about what's going on with Jackson, or why someone's protecting him.","Allison: \"Know thy enemy.\" Just something my grandfather said.","Stiles: All right, I got it. Kill Jackson. Problem solved.","Scott: He risked his life for us. Against Peter, you remember that?","Stiles: Yes, but what did we just find out? He got the bite from Derek. It's funny how he just got exactly what he wanted by supposedly risking his life for us, it's funny.","Scott: Yeah, it doesn't mean he's not still worth saving.","Stiles: It's always something with him, though.","Scott: He doesn't know what he's doing.","Stiles: So what?","Scott: So, I didn't either. You remember when I almost killed you and Jackson? I had someone to stop me. He has nobody.","Stiles: That's his own fault.","Scott: Doesn't matter. If we can save him, we should try.","Scott: Stiles went to check on Lydia. She still hasn't forgiven him for promising to talk to her, and then ditching her at her car.","Allison: That's not easy to explain.","Scott: Mm - mm. How did your dad know where to be last night? He was there in the alley. Him and Gerard.","Allison: They have people. Guys who monitor every camera in town. ATMs, traffic cameras. Have you seen the ones they put up in school?","Scott: Mm.","Allison: You thought I told him.","Scott: No. No, I just - I don't know, I just -","Allison: I'm on your side, Scott. I'm always on your side.","Scott: I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just that I thought that things would get back to normal by now. Or at least normal enough so I could pass my classes.","Allison: You'll pass.","Allison: Could you put some music on? Please?","Scott: Uh, you want the radio?","Allison: Uh, use entune. It has Pandora. I felt like I was gonna fall asleep in your arms.","Scott: I like it when you fall asleep in my arms.","Allison: I don't. I wake up, you're always gone.","Scott: That's only because I don't want to wake you.","Allison: I'd rather just wake up with you.","Scott: You will. High school's only two more years.","Allison: Hm. Which is hard enough for normal people to get through.","Scott: Hey, what would you say if I could be normal? I've been thinking about it ever since we saw her at the hospital. Lydia was bit by an Alpha, right? Peter told Stiles that if the bite doesn't turn you, it'll kill you. But nothing happened to Lydia.","Allison: Meaning? Meaning what, she's immune?","Scott: If she is, doesn't that - doesn't immunity mean that you could be cured? Would you want that?","Allison: I - I want anything that lets me be with you. And not just till the end of high school.","Scott: Well, then you better not get into too good of a college. My grades suck.","Allison: Not just to college. I'm serious.","Scott: I know.","Stiles: You guys might wanna come take a look at this.","Allison: I have to tell my father. Scott. He's going to kill someone.","Scott: Okay, tell him. Tell him everything.","Stiles: Scott, I gotta tell mine too.","Scott: This is all my fault.","Allison: It's not. But we have to tell them. We're just a bunch of teenagers. We can't handle this.","Scott: You're right.","Allison: How you gonna make your dad believe all this?","Stiles: I don't know.","Scott: He'll believe me.","Allison: You scared the hell outta me.","Lydia: I've been sitting here for an hour, waiting for you.","Allison: I can't hang out right now, Lydia.","Lydia: I don't need anyone to hang out with. I need someone to talk to.","Allison: I - I understand that it's important, but if it can just wait -","Lydia: Why is everyone always telling me to wait? Why can't anyone have \"right now\" available?","Allison: Because you can't have everything right now. You know what I need? I need someone to translate five pages of archaic Latin. Obviously, that's not gonna happen anytime soon.","Lydia: I know archaic Latin.","Allison: You know archaic Latin?","Lydia: I got bored with classical Latin.","Allison: Just how smart are you?","Lydia: Just show me the pages.","Stiles: Could you buzz us in? I gotta see my dad.","Sheriff: Scott, Stiles. Perfect timing. Have you met Jackson's father, Mr. David Whittemore? Esquire.","Jackson: That means lawyer.","Allison: Are you sure? Ms. Morrell said that word means \"friend.\" \"The Kanima seeks a friend.\"","Lydia: She was wrong. It means \"master.\"","Allison: \"The Kanima seeks a master.\"","Lydia: Why? Is that important?","Allison: Yeah. Someone's not protecting him. Someone's controlling him."],"Show Title":"Teen Wolf","Episode Number":"02x06","Episode Title":"Frenemy","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Teen_Wolf_04x01.json","Recap":["Scott and his friends head into Mexico , looking for the Spanish hunter clan, known as the Calaveras, that were hunting Derek. The lead hunter, Araya, makes Scott realize that Kate Argent, Allison's presumed dead aunt, has returned and taken Derek. With assistance from Braeden, Scott and the group go in search of Derek in an abandoned town known as La Iglesia, said to be the home of supernatural creatures called the Nagual (werejaguars). When Stiles's jeep breaks down, Scott and Braeden carry on alone. They arrive in La Iglesia and enter an abandoned church buried beneath the town, but are attacked by a mysterious creature wearing bone armor. Meanwhile, a second creature attacks Malia and Kira in the desert. Both groups manage to escape their attackers, and Scott and Braeden find a teenage version of Derek buried in the church."],"Transcript":["SCOTT: Previously on Teen Wolf...","Sheriff: Are you sure that this is a girl and not an animal?","Scott: Malia?","Stiles: Was that your first kiss?","Scott: Are you scared?","Kira: Not right now.","Derek: You're the one who saved Isaac.[\/i]","Braeden: I'm the one who was hired to save Isaac.","Jennifer : You have no idea what you are. A Banshee.","Stiles: It means that she can sense when someone's close to death.","Lydia: Allison!","Araya: Where is the She-Wolf?","Derek: We don't know any She-Wolf.","Scott: Who's this?","Allison: That's my dad's sister, Kate.","Kate: Can you get turned by a scratch?","Chris: If the claws go deep enough.[\/i]","Derek: You're real.","Kate: And if seeing me is a surprise, watch this.","(GROWLING)","Stiles: This doesn't seem so bad.","Lydia: It's not the town, it's the plan.","Stiles: What's wrong with the plan?","Lydia: Stiles. This could be the stupidest plan we've ever come up with. You're aware of that, right?","Stiles: I'm aware it's not our best.","Lydia: We are going to die.","Stiles: Are you saying that as a Banshee or you're just being pessimistic?","Lydia: I'm saying it as a person who doesn't wanna die.","Stiles: Okay. Would you just mind restricting any talk of death to actual Banshee predictions?","Lydia: This plan is stupid and we're going to die.","Stiles: Oh, thank you.","Lydia: Mmm.","(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)","(SPEAKING SPANISH)","(DOOR CLICKS)","(SIGHS)","(OBJECTS RATTLING)","(MUSIC PLAYING) (ALL CHEERING)","(SPEAKING SPANISH)","Severo: No. On the house. Most American teenagers don't cross the border to refuse a drink.","Lydia: We didn't come to drink.","Araya: Severo hates this music. Me? I've always loved the music of youth. This kind, especially. It has a savage energy.","Lydia: We're here for Derek Hale.","Araya: Is that so?","Lydia: We know you have him. We've heard you can be bought.","Stiles: It's 50,000 for Derek.","Araya: Now, where does a teenage boy get money like this? Japanese mafia?","(COCKING GUNS)","Araya: Not smart to come alone.","Stiles: What makes you think we came alone?","Araya: You brought a wolf into my home?","Stiles: We brought an Alpha.","(MUSIC PLAYING)","Kira: Something's happening.","Malia: I know.","Kira: What do we do?","Malia: Blend in! Dance with me, dumbass.","Kira: Oh.","(SPEAKING SPANISH)","Araya: My friends... (SIGHS) I don't think you're aware of your poor timing. Do you know what the dark moon is?","Lydia: The part of the lunar phase when the moon is least visible in the sky.","Araya: But do you know its meaning?","Lydia: Some people say it's a time of reflection. Or grief.","Araya: Grief and loss, mija. I wonder why, when you and your friends have suffered so much loss, you would risk it again for someone like Derek Hale.","Stiles: 'Cause we don't like to lose.","(BARTENDER SPEAKING IN SPANISH OVER RADIO)","EAST GUARD: (OVER RADIO) Front door clear.","SOUTH GUARD: (OVER RADIO) South clear.","Severo: North?","(SPEAKING SPANISH)","(SEVERO SPEAKING SPANISH OVER RADIO)","Scott: Stiles. Take 10 off the table.","Lydia: Maybe you should just take the deal.","(LAUGHS)","Araya: While I'm keen to follow the warning of a Banshee, I'm going to have to decline.","Malia: Ready?","Stiles: Aaaa... Come on. Just give us Derek. You don't want him anyway.vHaven't you noticed what a downer he is?vNo sense of humor, poor conversationalist. Just come on, take the money.","Araya: Severo? Show them how the Calaveras negotiate.","(BLOWING)","Scott: Wolfsbane. It's wolfsbane! Kira... Kira, get out of here!","(COUGHING)","(GRUNTS)","(COUGHS)","Araya: Someone who has been an Alpha only a few months should be more careful when facing a hunter of 40 years.","(PANTING)","Scott: All we want is Derek.","Araya: My lobito, you're a long way from home.","Scott: You don't know where he is either.","(GROANING)","(ROARS)","Stiles: Ok, so how long has it been?","Scott: Weeks. He hasn't gotten back to any of my texts.","Stiles: Has Derek ever returned your texts?","Scott: Once. Definitely once. But this time it felt different. So I went to the loft. The alarm was on. Everything looked okay. But then I found these. So I sent a picture of it to Deaton. He said that it's the mark of a family of hunters based out of Mexico. The Calaveras.","Lydia: What would they want with Derek?","Stiles: You don't think they killed him, do you?","Scott: I... I don't know. That's why you're here.","(GUNSHOTS)","(MAN SCREAMING)","Scott: Lydia, what? Is he dead?","Lydia: No. But I'm not sure he's alive either.","Stiles: What does that mean?","Lydia: I don't know. There's something not right. I just... I don't know.","Stiles: So if the Calaveras have him, how do we find them?","Scott: Mexico.","Kira: He's awake. Guys, he's awake.","Stiles: Scott, you okay?","Scott: Yeah. They don't have him. They don't have Derek.","Kira: We know. But right now, they've got Lydia.","Scott: Lydia? What do they want with Lydia?","Araya: I have to admit I don't have much experience with Banshees.","Lydia: That makes two of us, since I don't have much experience being one.","Araya: I have a feeling you underestimate your abilities, Lydia.","Lydia: Trust me, you'd have better luck with tarot cards.","Araya: Let's find out. Tell me, which one of these men is about to die?","(PANTING)","(GRUNTING)","Kira: We already looked for a way out. I think a lot of people have.","Malia: I say when that door opens again, we take out whoever's standing in the way and run for it.","Kira: What about Lydia?","Malia: What about her?","Scott: We're not leaving without her.","Malia: Why not?","Stiles: Because we don't leave without people. Remember, we talked about this? Rules of the wild kingdom don't apply to friends.","Kira: Is that what you would do as a coyote, leave her for dead?","Malia: If she was weak and injured, yeah. If hunting had been bad that season, I would eat her. Then I'd leave.","Stiles: Mmm. Believe it or not, that's progress.","Scott: All right, guys, we're not dead yet. And that means Araya wants something.","Kira: But if the Calaveras don't know where Derek is, that means they didn't take him from the loft. Right?","Stiles: Maybe he left on his own.","Scott: Maybe someone else got to him.","Araya: How does it work? Do you need to touch them? Maybe I give you something they own. Or is it just a... a feeling?","Lydia: I told you I don't know.","Araya: Just how close to death do they have to be?","(GRUNTS)","(SCREAMS)","Lydia: Why did you do that for?","Araya: He stole from me.","(WHISPERS)","Lydia: What do you want?","Araya: Right now? I want to know about Scott McCall. I want to know what kind of Alpha he really is.","(ZAPPING)","(BREATHING HEAVILY)","(WHISPERS)","Lydia: Oh, God.","Scott: Let her go. Look... you've got me. Just let the others go.","(GRUNTS)","Severo: Your hand goes here. So, let me explain what's about to happen. This one, the fox, has an immunity to electricity. So she's going to turn the dial on the Alpha. If she doesn't, I turn the dial on the Banshee.","Kira: No. I'm not doing this.","(SPEAKING SPANISH)","Severo: I see. Are you sure? One of your friends has the power to heal. The other? Not so much.","Scott: What are you doing? Is this a game to you?","Araya: This is a test, lobito. Let's see if you pass. We're going to ask some questions. You answer them, nobody gets hurt. You don't answer, we turn on the dial.","Scott: Do what they say. Okay. Whatever they want. I can take it.","Araya: So... We don't know where Derek is. We want to find him as well. You know who took him.","Scott: What? How would I know that?","Araya: That doesn't sound like an answer to me.","Lydia: We don't know. Why do you think we came here?","Araya: Kira, turn the dial. Should we turn the dial on Lydia instead?","Scott: No, no! Do it, Kira. Do it.","Araya: Let's start at one.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(GRUNTING)","Stiles: Do you hear them? Can you hear Scott? Can you hear Kira, Lydia, anybody? What are they saying?","Malia: I... I can't. I can't concentrate. I... There's too many sounds and voices.","Stiles: Okay. It's okay. Well, just breathe. Breathe with me, all right? You practiced this with Scott before, remember?","Malia: I'm trying.","Stiles: It's okay, it's okay. Just focus on something. Here, look at my eyes. Very good. Just focus on the sound of my voice. All you have to do is try to concentrate. Concentrate...","(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)","Araya: Tell me! Who actually has Derek? Who had a reason, a vendetta particular to the Hales?","Scott: (PANTING) I said I don't know.","(WHISPERS)","Araya: Oh, you don't know because you haven't figured it out yet. So think! Who could've taken him?","Severo: Tres.","(PANTING)","Scott: It's okay.","Araya: Who had the power? The power of a shapeshifter?","(GRUNTING)","Scott: I don't know.","Araya: Oh! Someone who could have turned without you knowing. Turned, but not by a bite!","Scott: I don't know!","Araya: Diez! Diez!","(SCOTT SCREAMING)","Malia: They're killing him.","(SCREAMING)","Kate: Can you get turned by a scratch?","Chris: If the claws go deep enough.","Araya: Say the name, Scott.","Scott: Kate.","Stiles: That's impossible. It's impossible. That can't be what he said.","Malia: Why? Who... who's Kate?","Stiles: She's a hunter. An Argent.","Scott: So... you're just letting us go?","Araya: I sent four men out to where Kate was rumored to have been seen. None of them came back. Let's see if you can do better.","Scott: You could've just told me she was alive.","Araya: You wouldn't have believed me. Now I know what kind of Alpha you are. And where your next step lies.","Scott: What next step?","Araya: When you take the bite of an innocent, when you make a wolf of your own, when you do that, then, I will cross your border and come knocking at your door.","Stiles: So what now?","Scott: She thinks she knows where we can find Derek.","Malia: She gonna tell us where?","Scott: Uh, actually, she's giving us a guide.","(MUSIC PLAYING)","Stiles: You know her?","Scott: Braeden.","Malia: Who's Braeden?","Lydia: She's a mercenary.","Braeden: Right now, I'm the only one who's gonna take you to la iglesia.","Lydia: The Church?","Stiles: What's The Church?","Braeden: It's not a place you'll find God.","Malia: Okay, I'll ask. Who's Kate Argent?","Kira: Uh, I'd like to know, too.","Stiles: Well, we were at her funeral. So, I'd like to know how she got out of a casket that was buried six feet underground.","Scott: She was never in it.","Lydia: She was Allison's aunt. And a total sociopath.","Kira: You don't have to talk about it now if you don't want to.","Malia: Um, yes, he does.","Scott: Yeah, she's right. You guys should know. You need to know.","Stiles: All right. Kate was the one who set the fire that killed most of Derek's family.","(PEOPLE SCREAMING)","Scott: Some of them survived, like Cora, and Peter.","Lydia: A very angry Peter.","(SCREAMS)","Scott: Yeah, he's the one who bit and turned me.","Lydia: And the one who finally caught up to Kate and killed her.","(GASPING)","Stiles: And we saw her buried.","Scott: No. We saw a casket, remember? She wasn't in it. The Calaveras heard that Kate had been killed by an Alpha's claws. They wanted to make sure she was really dead. Her body was healing. More and more, as she got closer to a full moon. She was coming back. So they switched out the bodies. If a hunter is bit, they have to take their own life before they change. The Calaveras, they treat the code like law. They make it their responsibility to enforce it.","Malia: Good for her. I wouldn't do it either.","Scott: Would you kill half a dozen people to get out? Because that's what she did.","Kira: So Kate's a werewolf now?","Scott: I don't know. You know, there's a saying, sometimes the shape you take reflects the person you are.","Lydia: What kind of shape is sociopathic bitch?","Braeden: What happened?","Stiles: I don't know. It felt like we hit something.","Braeden: Scott, we need to get there by night. It's too dangerous otherwise.","Stiles: Go.","Scott: Not without you.","Stiles: Dude, someone needs to find Derek. We'll figure something out. We always do. Just go.","Scott: (SIGHS) Okay.","Kira: Scott... I can't think of anything else to say except for be careful. And... and I know \"Be careful\" sounds kind of lame and I'm totally sure the second you're gone I'm gonna think of something much better, but I...","Scott: Uh, \"Be careful\" works for me.","(MUSIC PLAYING)","Braeden: Scott, the sun's going down.","Scott: Hey, I gotta go.","Malia: Stiles. (GRUNTS) I don't think we hit something. I think something hit us.","Braeden: La iglesia.","Scott: What happened here?","Braeden: An earthquake. It leveled the town.","Scott: Then why is The Church still standing?","Braeden: The locals think it's because of what's underneath.","Scott: Do I wanna know?","Braeden: The Church was built over the ruins of an Aztec temple. It belonged to a people called the nagual.","Scott: Shapeshifters?","Braeden: Were-jaguars.","Scott: So Derek and Kate are somewhere in there?","Braeden: I don't know. Never gotten this far before.","Lydia: Maybe we should just walk.","Stiles: Hey, I will never abandon this jeep. You understand me? Ever. Ever. Ever.","Malia: Work faster, Stiles. There's something out here with us.","Scott: If you find Kate in here, what are you gonna do with her?","Braeden: Bring her back to the Calaveras. That's what they paid me for.","Scott: What happens after that?","Braeden: Not my problem.","Scott: You don't care?","Braeden: Do you? She's a mass murderer.","Scott: And you're a mercenary.","Braeden: Girl's gotta eat.","Scott: If you were paid enough, would you kill her?","Braeden: If the money was good, I'd kill you. Can you catch Derek's scent?","Scott: Yeah. I already got it.","(DISTANT ROARING)","Braeden: What?","Scott: There's something else in here.","Braeden: Something like what?","Scott: Something not human.","Stiles: Lydia, could you please hold the light still for a second? It's really hard to see anything if you keep shaking it like that.","Lydia: I'm shaking it like this because we're in the middle of nowhere with your broken down jeep and we're being attacked by yet another razor-clawed monster. And I'm terrified.","Stiles: Well, just be slightly less terrified. And hold this.","Lydia: What's this?","Stiles: I don't know. I'm hoping it's not important.","Scott: Oh, God.","Kira: Anything?","Malia: It's too hard to see. We should've brought another flashlight.","Kira: Did you see that?","(ROARS)","Kira: Malia, wait!","Stiles: Hey, Malia!","Lydia: Kira, go! You. Fix the jeep. Stiles, focus!","(PANTING)","Kira: Malia?","(TWIG CRACKS)","(YELLS)","(FOOTSTEPS RUNNING)","(YELLS)","Malia: It's me! Uh, it's me, it's me.","Kira: What happened? What's out there?","Malia: I don't know, but it is big and fast. And it cuts deep.","(INDISTINCT THUD)","(GASPS)","Braeden: So, how come you didn't kiss her?","Scott: What?","Braeden: How come you didn't kiss your girlfriend?","Scott: You mean, Kira?","Braeden: Whatever her name is.","Scott: Well, she's not really, uh... I mean, we've never actually... She's not my girlfriend.","Braeden: So if you die down here, are you gonna regret not kissing her. You should've kissed your girlfriend.","(WHISPERS)","Braeden: What?","Scott: Just had a feeling like something was behind us.","(EXHALES)","Braeden: You hear that?","Scott: Is this why you never get that far?","(FOOTSTEPS RUNNING)","(GROWLING)","Braeden: Get ready!","Stiles: You... you please don't do that ever again!","Malia: Do what?","Stiles: I... I thought you just took off. I thought you were running.","Malia: I was running.","Stiles: No, I mean, like, I thought you were leaving.","Malia: I wouldn't leave without you.","Stiles: Really?","Malia: I would never leave without you. Them I would leave.","Stiles: Yeah. Uh, it's progress.","Lydia: That doesn't look good.","Malia: It's okay.","Kira: Are you sure? It looks deep.","Malia: I can feel it healing.","Lydia: You didn't see anything?","Malia: Barely. It had a strong scent, though.","Stiles: Like what?","Malia: Like death.","Braeden: Where is it? Do you see it?","Scott: No, I don't know! I can't see anything!","Braeden: Where is this thing?","(FOOTSTEPS RUNNING)","(ROARING)","(WHISPERS)","Braeden: Scott, get behind me. Scott, get behind me!","(ROARING)","(INDISTINCT GROWLING)","Scott: I think I scared it.","Braeden: I think you scared everything.","(CRASHING)","Scott: What is that?","Braeden: Tezcatlipoca. The nagual jaguar God. I think we found Derek.","Scott: Stand back. Oh, my God.","Malia: Is that him? Is that Derek?","Stiles: Uh, sort of."],"Show Title":"Teen Wolf","Episode Number":"04x01","Episode Title":"The Dark Moon","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Teen_Wolf_04x08.json","Recap":["For their plan to lure out the Benefactor, Scott is put into a near-death state by Kira, brought in to the hospital, and declared dead, and his friends have 45 minutes before he dies permanently. Derek reveals to Braeden that he lost all of his powers; Braeden teaches him how to use guns and fight without his abilities. Scott experiences repeated hallucinations in which Liam urges him to embrace his werewolf nature, and tries to convince him that he can kill the assassins. In separate hallucinations, Liam fails to convince Scott and is killed by the Mute, and Scott ultimately kills Liam with the Mute's tomahawk. Malia seeks out Peter to get information about her family, especially her biological mother; Peter says that he is trying to locate the \"Desert Wolf\". Kate and the Berserkers break into the hospital in an attempt to confirm whether Scott is dead, but Chris persuades her to leave; however, Kira's mother becomes injured. Lydia discovers information that suggests her grandmother was a banshee. Lydia discovers that her grandmother wrote down part of the deadpool code and finds another message in the same code."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Visual confirmation is required for payment.","Parrish: Meredith's gone, she hung herself.","Stiles: Where the hell did you come from?","Lydia: Father and daughter.","Scott: We need to tell her the truth. She's going to see the rest of the dead pool eventually.","Stiles: Malia?","(SIGHS)","Malia: What?","Stiles: I always sleep in the middle of the bed.","Malia: Not anymore.","Stiles: I know. I'm trying.","(SIGHS)","Stiles: Yeah. I can't get to sleep unless I'm in the middle.","Malia: Then we spoon.","Stiles: I can spoon. Okay. I can spoon. SIGHS) Mmm.","Malia: What now?","Stiles: My arm's falling asleep.vI don't like this.","Malia: I'm going to kill you.","Stiles: I know, I know, I'm sorry.","Malia: Okay. Just come here.","Stiles: I think this is good. Yeah, this is good.","Agent Mccall: Preliminary notes on firearm discharge incident. Assailant armed with sound-suppressor equipped Walther P88... Having heard the perpetrator's threat and countdown, I made visual confirmation of the barrel of the weapon pressed to the potential victim's head. Determining the danger to be imminent, I felt no other choice but to respond with the use of deadly force. Thanks for waiting. I know it's late.","Scott: It's okay. It's not like I'm going to be going to school tomorrow anyway.","Agent Mccall: Unfortunately, I'm going to have to drive back to San Francisco tonight. I'll need to do a review at the field office. But I'll be back as soon as I can. I might have to miss the first game of the season.","Scott: It's no big deal.","Agent Mccall: It is to me. I'm keeping my promises this time. What I did, it was necessary. Justifiable. You know that, right?","Scott: Have you done it before?","Agent Mccall: Two other times. It's not easy, taking a man's life, even someone who forces you to do it.","Scott: How do you deal with it?","Agent Mccall: You look at it logically. Without emotion. You compartmentalize.","Scott: How do you do that?","Agent Mccall: I used to do it by drinking. One more thing. When I do come back, we have to talk about some stuff. You and your friends, the way you guys handle things, it doesn't seem to faze you like it should. It's like you guys know something I don't. When I come back, I'd like to be in the know.","Kira: Is three enough?","Stiles: Depends on how many cameras they have. But I think so.","Lydia: Are we really doing this?","Scott: We're doing it. Tonight.","Liam: But isn't it kind of dangerous?","Stiles: It's incredibly dangerous. And borderline idiotic.","Liam: Have you guys done something like this before?","Stiles: Something dangerous? Or something idiotic?","Kira: I think it's a yes to both.","Scott: You don't have to be part of it if you don't want to.","Liam: I'm not scared.","Stiles: Then you're borderline idiotic. If we do this, we don't know what's coming for us. You know that, right?","Kira: How do we even know something's definitely coming?","Scott: Because the tape from Garrett's bag said visual confirmation required.","Stiles: Simon said the same thing. He couldn't get paid by The Benefactor until he had proof that you guys were dead.","Scott: So the idea is, what if you kill someone on the dead pool, but you can't send the proof?","Kira: You don't get paid.","Liam: But how does that get us any closer to The Benefactor?","Scott: He still needs to know if the target is really dead.","Stiles: Especially if it's someone high on the list.","Liam: So, if he wants visual confirmation...","Scott: He's going to have to come get it himself.","(SIREN WAILING)","Paramedic: Move, move, move!","Nurse: We need ECG.","(MAN SPEAKING OVER PA)","Nurse: He's flat-lining...","Doctor: Get him to trauma 2.Start another IV.","(BREATHING HEAVILY)","Doctor: Clear!","(MONITOR FLATLINING)","Doctor: Still asystole. Continue chest compressions and charge to 360. Clear!","(BEEPING)","Doctor: Nothing. Still asystole.","(MONITOR FLATLINING)","Doctor: I'm calling it. Time of death 2102 hours. Would someone please page Melissa McCall?","Derek: What are you doing?","Braeden: Protecting my investment.","Derek: Hmm.","Braeden: Why aren't you healing?","Derek: Some wounds take longer.","Braeden: And some leave scars. But not for people like you. So, what's going on?","Derek: Maybe I'm just tired.","Braeden: Derek. Show me your eyes.","Derek: You just saw them.","Braeden: Show me your real eyes. Okay.","Melissa: Now, why don't you tell me what's really going on?","(WOMAN WAILING)","Melissa: (CRYING) What happened to my son?","(SCREAMING)","Liam: Are you guys totally sure about this?","Kira: I think Liam's kind of nervous. Maybe you should tell him it's going to be all right.","Scott: It's going to be all right.","Liam: So, you've done this before, right?","Ms Yukimura: I've seen it done.","Liam: Is that just as good?","Ms Yukimura: No.","Kira: Mom, you're not inspiring confidence.","Ms Yukimura: Good. This is a terrible idea.","Kira: Do you want us to do it without you?","Ms Yukimura: Put your hand over his heart.","Scott: Hold on. What happens while I'm out? Am I gonna feel anything?","Ms Yukimura: It might feel like you're dreaming.","Scott: Good dreams or bad?","Ms Yukimura: I suppose that depends on you.","(BREATHING DEEPLY)","(CRACKLING)","(GASPING)","(GASPS)","(SOBBING)","(SNIFFS)","Melissa: I still hate this plan. I mean this is pretty significantly terrifyingly. He looks dead.","Ms Yukimura: Give me your hand.","Stiles: It's okay.","(GASPS)","Stiles: Wait for it.","(HEART BEATING)","Melissa: Is that enough to keep a werewolf alive?","Ms Yukimura: Enough for an Alpha.","Melissa: How much time do we have?","Ms Yukimura: Forty-five minutes.","Melissa: What happens after that?","Kira: I bring him back the same way.","Melissa: No, I mean what happens if he stays like this longer than forty-five minutes?","Ms Yukimura: No one's told her?","Melissa: What? What happens after forty-five minutes?","Ms Yukimura: He dies.","Stiles: That's your assassin speak?","Chris: I said he's dead. What more do you want?","Stiles: It was a little dry. You could've said something like, \"Target has been neutralized. The crow flies at midnight.\"That's always cool.","Chris: Hmm.","(COMPUTER BEEPS)","Chris: Type this, \"Visual confirmation isn't possible.\" \"Police coming to claim body in forty minutes.\" Tell him number one on the list is dead. I killed him. And if the wire transfer isn't completed in forty minutes...","Braeden: It's just a graze. But make sure it doesn't get infected. That's probably something you've never had to worry about before, is it? So, it's everything then? No glowing eyes, no healing.","Derek: No hearing, speed, everything.","Braeden: Strength?","Derek: I can still win a fight.","(SIGHS)","Braeden: You ready?","Derek: Mmm-hmm.","Braeden: One, two...","Derek: (GRUNTS) You cheated. That's cheating...","Braeden: I won. When you're a human facing off against the supernatural, you need to bend the rules a little bit. I'm gonna teach you how to bend.","(BEEPING)","Chris: I'm here. You ready? Try it now.","(INHALES SHARPLY)","(HEART BEATING RAPIDLY)","(PANTING)","(GROANS)","Liam: Catch! That's why you're team captain.","(COMPUTER BEEPING)","Scott: I can't do that. I can't kill them.","Liam: Someone has to.","Scott: Why me?","Liam: Because you're the Alpha.","Scott: I'm not a murderer.","Liam: But you are a predator.","Scott: No. We're predators... But we don't have to... We don't have to...","(PANTING)","(LIAM GROANING)","(GRUNTS)","Liam: Scott! Scott, please! Scott, help me!","(LIAM EXCLAIMING)","(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)","(CELLPHONE VIBRATES)","(GRUNTS)","(SAFE CREAKS)","(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)","Peter: I've gotta buy a better safe.","Ms Yukimura: What about him?","Melissa: No, he's in here every week with a new self-diagnosis.","Ms Yukimura: Hypochondriac?","Melissa: Prescription drug addict. Why are we doing this? Why are we asking them to fight these kinds of fights?","Ms Yukimura: Because otherwise we'd be asking them to run and hide.","Liam: Is that supposed to look like that?","Stiles: No. No, it's not.","Kira: Where is that?","Stiles: The roof. Someone's gonna have to check it out.","Kira: I'll go.","Stiles: Whoa, whoa. This might not just be a malfunction.","Kira: That's why I'm bringing this.","Liam: I'm coming with you.","Stiles: Okay. And you're both coming right back. Immediately. (SIGHS) Kids.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Peter: I can't let you leave here with that.","Malia: Maybe you won't have a choice.","Peter: Is that right?","Malia: I think I could take you.","Peter: You've heard rumors I'm not as strong as I used to be.","Malia: Something like that.","Peter: I said you can't leave with it. I didn't say you couldn't read it.","(FLOORBOARDS CREAKING)","(GASPING)","Ms Martin: Oh, God.","Lydia: Mom! What are you doing?","Ms Martin: What are you doing?","(SIGHS)","Lydia: Nothing. And how did you know I was here? Did you follow me?","Ms Martin: No, I'm getting ready for the Open House tomorrow.","Lydia: The Open House is next week.","Ms Martin: Okay, I followed you. Honey, you come up here every weekend, sometimes even during the week, and as far as I can tell, there's no boy involved, so I really have no clue what you're up to.","Lydia: I'm trying to figure something out. Something important. And honestly, Mom, you don't need to be involved in every single detail of my life.","Ms Martin: No. But I'd like to help if I can.","Lydia: Do you know her?","Ms Martin: Meredith Walker.","Liam: Catch! That's why you're the Alpha. There's something different, isn't there?","Scott: I've got more fangs. I noticed it during the quarantine. I don't know why.","Liam: Maybe it's part of being an Alpha. Like you're becoming more of a werewolf.","Scott: Or more of a monster.","Liam: What if it makes you stronger? What if it's like you're growing?","(THUDS)","The Mute: Evolving.","(SHUDDERING)","Liam: Looks like someone did something to it.","(GROWLING)","Kira: I think somebody did...","Stiles: The power's out in the whole building. I lost all the cameras.","Chris: Stay with Scott. Text me if you see or hear anything.","Braeden: This is a Sig Sauer P2269mm.","Derek: I don't like guns.","Braeden: That's because you've never learned to use one.","Derek: Or because I've been shot. Repeatedly.","Braeden: You'll like this one. The legal clip size in California is ten. You always want to remember how many shots you fire. Running out of bullets can get you killed. It also makes you look stupid. But using a gun isn't just about learning how to point and shoot.","Derek: Why's that?","Braeden: Because an average person can move twenty-one feet in one-point-five seconds. If they have a knife, they can gut you before you can pull and fire. So with a gun, you need distance. Go for it. Pull the gun on me.","Derek: So, yeah.","Braeden: Wanna try again?","Derek: Mmm-hmm.","(CLEARS THROAT)","Derek: One more time.","Braeden: I could do this all day. You cheated.","Derek: I'm learning to bend.","(MUSIC PLAYING)","Peter: You wanna talk about it? See a family counselor?","Malia: There's nothing in there.","Peter: Cost me a lot of money to get that file.","Malia: You got ripped off.","Peter: You know what happens when you only hear one side of a story? You've only heard one side of the story.","(GROWLING)","(ROARING)","(GRUNTS)","(GROWLING)","Kira's Voice: It's a good plan. You're not worried, are you?","Scott: Just thinking.","Kira: About what?","Scott: That we've never actually been on a real date.","Kira: There hasn't been time.","Scott: We could make time.","Kira: Even though people are dying all around us?","Scott: Okay. Maybe after that.","Kira: We could see a movie. Haven't seen a movie in forever.","Scott: That sounds like a plan.","Kira: It's a good plan.","Liam: Kira! Kira! Get up! Kira! Kira! Get up!","Ms Yukimura: I'm guessing the power doesn't go out often in this hospital.","Melissa: Only when under attack by supernatural creatures.","Stiles: Come on, come on. Answer the phone. Answer the phone, Argent. Come on, Argent, answer the phone. Why are you not answering the phone?","(GRUNTING)","Chris: I was right. Stiles, get out of here.","Kate: Get out of the way, Stiles. I'm taking the body.","Stiles: Why? Visual confirmation?","Kate: Don't worry, handsome. I'm not The Benefactor.","Chris: Then what do you want with the body?","Kate: I wish I could tell you.","(GRUNTING)","Kate: I always forget you carry two.","Malia: You murdered people. Not killed. Murdered.","Peter: There were extenuating circumstances.","Malia: Like what? The fire?","Peter: A fire that nearly burned me alive. Six years in a coma. Do you know what that's like for one of us? It's not a pleasant sleep. Imagine it. Being trapped in your body, but still being fully cognizant. Unable to do anything other than listen to your own thoughts slowly driving you absolutely and totally insane, minute-by-minute, day-by-day. Yes, I've done horrible, terrible things. And so have a lot of people. And horrible, terrible things are going to keep happening. Especially when there's a dead pool with your name on it.","Malia: But not yours.","Peter: True. But I am not The Benefactor. I'm just a guy who's out millions of dollars. A few thousand of which I used trying to help you.","Malia: Me?","Peter: How does the bad guy prove that he's not so bad? By doing an act of kindness.","Malia: What could you ever do for me?","Peter: Help you find your mother. I'm pretty interested myself as the memory was stolen from me by my sister, Talia.","Malia: Okay. What did you find?","Peter: A woman, might be her. I don't have a name yet, just a particularly interesting alias. She's called The Desert Wolf. Do you know what that means?","Malia: Coyote.","(WOMEN SCREAMING) ORDERLY: What the...","(WHIMPERING)","(GROWLING)","Melissa: Are you still a Kitsune?","Ms Yukimura: Technically.","Ms Martin: These are your grandmother's ashes.","Lydia: Grandma died in Eichen House.","Ms Martin: Your father had a difficult relationship with his mother. But after the things she said, and the way she acted...","Lydia: He thought she was crazy.","Ms Martin: Well, she said she heard things.","Lydia: Why did she want her ashes in here?","Ms Martin: Well, actually, she didn't. She left instructions to have them spread across the lake.","Lydia: How come you haven't done it?","Ms Martin: Because she wanted you to do it. When you turned eighteen. Don't ask me why. But since there's only a few weeks till that, I suppose now is as good a time as any.","Lydia: Mom, these aren't Grandma's ashes.","Ms Martin: What do you mean? Of course they are.","Lydia: No. It's Mountain Ash.","(GASPS)","Lydia: The whole building. It's all made of Mountain Ash.","Chris: Back off!","Kate: You sure you can pull the trigger fast enough?","Chris: I don't want to.","Kate: You're not going to kill me.","Chris: I'm not going to let you take his body.","Stiles: Okay, well, obviously, you guys have a lot to talk about, so, maybe I saw some coffee, a vending machine outside.","Chris: Listen to me, Kate. We have a plan.","Kate: If killing Scott was part of it, you're worse than me.","Stiles: He's telling the truth. We're trying to get to The Benefactor.","Chris: If you didn't notice, you're on that list too. And you're worth more than most.","Kate: That's why I'm here.","Chris: Then back off and let us do what we planned. Take the Berserkers, and go. Kate, please. We have a plan.","(GROANS)","Kira: Liam, run. Get out of here.","(GROWLING)","Kira: Liam!","(ROARS)","Liam: Catch!","(WHIMPERING)","Liam: Why did you do that?","The Mute: Let me help you. Let me show you how.","(BREATHING HEAVILY)","(SCREAMING)","(RADIO STATIC)","(YELLING)","(GASPS)","Scott: What happened? Did it work?","Kira: What?","Liam: It's your mother...She's hurt.","(GROANING)","Melissa: No, no, no, no, no. Stay with me.","Doctor: What the hell happened here?","Melissa: Just help me get her off the floor.","Kate: You were right. He's still alive.","Peter: Thank God.","Stiles: Hey. Where have you been?","Malia: Talking to Peter.","Stiles: Okay. You think that's a good idea?","Malia: If he can help me find my mother, I don't think I care.","Stiles: You might be related to him, but you're not like him.","Malia: Maybe I am. That night I caused the car crash...","Stiles: You mean when you were out-of-control on the full moon.","Malia: There's a part I didn't tell you about. Right before we got in the car, my mother... My adoptive mother, I guess... We got into a huge fight. I don't even remember what it was about, but... I remember what I said.","Stiles: Malia.","Malia: I said, \"I wish you were all dead.\"","Stiles: Killing doesn't run in a family.","Malia: Maybe it does in mine.","(MUSIC PLAYING)","Kira: My mom's being taken to a hospital in Palo Alto. They actually put her in a helicopter.","Scott: But she's going to be okay?","Kira: Yeah. She just doesn't heal like she used to. I need to be there with her. Especially if she's still on the list.","Scott: I know. You should go. I actually have to go back to the hospital too. They want to do a bunch of tests since I was kind of officially dead.","Kira: I guess Liam's dad has a lot of questions.","Scott: Yeah.","Kira: I just wish it had all worked. It was a good plan.","Scott: Yeah, I've been thinking about that too. And actually, I think maybe it did work. Not that I know exactly who The Benefactor is but we might know a lot more about him now.","Kira: But no one came. And no one got visual confirmation, right?","Scott: That's why it might have worked. Think about it. Who has the power to know when someone's dead, but doesn't need to see the body to know it happened?","Kira: A Banshee.","Ms Martin: This was the last thing your grandmother wrote down before she died. Don't even know why I kept it because it's basically nonsense.","Lydia: Are you absolutely sure Grandma's dead?","Ms Martin: Yes. I mean, she has to be.","Lydia: This isn't nonsense, Mom. It's code."],"Show Title":"Teen Wolf","Episode Number":"04x08","Episode Title":"Time of Death","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_100_01x11.json","Recap":["Monty discovers a strange signal on the Exodus dropship's black box that apparently caused it to crash. After a fire destroys most of the food supply, the group sends out hunting parties to restock. Clarke, Finn, and Myles go out together, but Clarke and Finn are captured and brought to the grounder camp. Anya instructs Clarke to save Tris, her second, a young girl who was injured in the bomb blast. Clarke tries to save her but is unsuccessful. In revenge, Finn is taken away to be executed. Clarke escapes by killing her guard and runs. Bellamy, Raven, Octavia, and Monty search for the missing party and find Myles, hurt in the woods. Monty mysteriously disappears after hearing a strange signal on their hand radios. Kane awakens on a devastated Ark. He searches for survivors and realizes Jaha is alive in the Earth Monitoring Station and trying to bring systems online. With over half The Ark's populace likely dead, they discover that there are survivors in an access bay to the exodus ship. Kane braves the extreme heat in a maintenance tunnel to reach the survivors-including Abby."],"Transcript":["Clarke (V.O.): I was born in space. I've never felt the sun on my face or breathed real air or floated in the water. None of us have. For three generations, the Ark has kept what's left of the human race alive, but now our home is dying, and we are the last hope of mankind. A hundred prisoners sent on a desperate mission to the ground. Each of us is here because we broke the law. On the ground, there is no law. All we have to do is survive. But we will be tested, by the Earth, by the secrets it hides, and most of all, by each other.","[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","( Gunshot )","( Explosion )","Anya: You started a war that you don't know how to end.","Lincoln: You have no idea what your people have done, the forces you unleashed.","Octavia: We had to stop the attack.","Lincoln: You stopped nothing.","Murphy: We have to get out of here while we still have the chance.","Finn: I love you.","Raven: Not the way that I want to be loved, not the way that you love Clarke. It's over, Finn.","Sinclair: The dropship is still tied in to all of our major systems. If it launches, the Ark will be crippled, and everyone left on board will die.","Diana: Launch!","Bellamy: Your mom is early.","Clarke: Something is wrong.","End of intro.","Bellamy: First watch is over. Go relieve Monroe on the south wall. Keep your eyes open. Anything?","Clarke: It's been two days. Maybe the bomb at the bridge scared them off for good.","Bellamy: You believe that?","Clarke: No. They're coming.","Bellamy: Jasper thinks he can cook up some more gunpowder, if he gets some sulfur, and Raven says she can turn that into landminess. So be careful where you step.","Clarke: Ha! Funny.","Bellamy: What I really need is a thousand more of her tin can bombs I can roll into their village and blow those Grounders to hell. That's what they want to do to us.","Clarke: Can't believe we survived a hundred years just so we could slaughter each other. There has to be another way. Any word from the Ark?","Bellamy: Radio silence. Finally ran out of air.","Clarke: Maybe my mom was lucky being on the Exodus ship. At least it was quick. No one is coming down to save us.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kane: Ah. Hello? Is anyone there? Hello?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Del: Let's get this party smoking.","Octavia: You don't want the fire too big. So maybe just try to knock it down with some wet leaves.","Del: You get that from your boyfriend, Grounder pounder?","Murphy: She's right. A hot fire is not gonna preserve the meat as well.","Del: You can't take the heat, get out of the smokehouse. Should be kissing our asses for being allowed back in this camp.","Murphy: Just keep working. Your brother couldn't get you a better job? Would think anything would be better than working in the meat furnace.","Octavia: Oh, probably. That just means someone else would have to do it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Finn: What's for dinner?","Raven: Split loads, turning one bullet into two. It's all I can do until we get more gunpowder. Jasper has a recipe. Yesterday I saw him taking buckets from the latrine. I didn't ask.","Finn: Is one of those for me?","Raven: Maybe. Still deciding.","Finn: I keep wanting to apologize again.","Raven: You don't have to. We're good. I got to get this done.","Finn: That's bad.","Raven: What?","Finn: When you're really pissed off, you always find a project, something to keep your hands busy so you don't punch someone in the face.","Raven: I'm not keeping busy, Finn. I'm keeping us alive.","Finn: Yeah. You're right. That was a dumb thing to say. See you later.","Raven: Wait. We're good. We're good. We are. I just want you to be happy.","Male delinquent: Whoa! Guys! Fire!","Other male delinquent: Go, go, go! All right.","Raven: Come on.","Bellamy: Are you okay?","Octavia: ( Coughs and nods in reply )","Murphy: This is all your fault! We told you it was too much wood.","Del: Get the hell away from me.","Bellamy: Hey! Hey! Hey, stop! Save it for the Grounders.","Octavia: Well, now what the hell are we gonna do? That was all the food.","Clarke: Any idea what happened?","Bellamy: Murphy says that Del kept feeding the fire, mostly because Octavia told him it was a bad idea.","Clarke: And we believe Murphy?","Bellamy: I do.","Clarke: Yeah. We have some wild onions and nuts in the dropship. It's only enough to last us maybe one or two weeks. What's left here?","Bellamy: Nothing. It all burned.","Clarke: Then we have to hunt. Anyone we can spare goes out. The whole Grounder army out there? Look. We can't defend ourselves if we're starving.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Bellamy: Each group takes someone with a gun, and they're for killing Grounders, not food. We don't have the ammo. Use the spears for hunting. Get what you can. Be back by nightfall. No one stays out after dark.","Myles: Hey Clarke. You alone? You maybe want to go together?","Clarke: Sure. I'll get some gear.","Finn: You ready to go?","Clarke: I don't think so.","Finn: Come on. I'm a good tracker. You're lousy with a spear, but you're sneaky. We make a good team.","Myles: Hey, partner, we're wasting daylight. Oh, Finn, you're joining the band?","Finn: Sure.","Myles: Awesome. Haven't really got a chance to hang with you guys much. Hey, do you even know how I got arrested on the Ark?","Finn: I'm dying to hear about it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Bellamy: We need more ammo.","Raven: That's it till Jasper gets back. Now get out of my tent.","Bellamy: Where you going?","Raven: The hell out of here.","Bellamy: No way. You're not leaving.","Raven: Really? And what makes you think you can tell me what to do? Aren't you a janitor?","Bellamy: Where you gonna go?","Raven: Into these damn woods. Don't worry about it. I'll find someplace safe.","Bellamy: Just wait. Don't be an idiot. You go alone, and you're dead or worse.","Raven: So what's your plan, sit here until you run out of bullets?","Bellamy: Yeah. Or until you come up with something better. Come on, Raven. You came down here in a pod you rebuilt yourself. You made a bomb out of a tin can. What else you got in that head of yours?","Raven: Radios. We can't defend ourselves if we can't communicate. If we can build radios, walkie-talkies- Then we can fight as a team. We'd have a chance, at least.","Bellamy: See? We need you. You may be a huge pain in the ass, but you're smart.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kane: Anybody there? Hello?","Wick: Fifty-six bottles of beer on the wall - fifty-six bottles of beer - Hello? Take one down and pass it around - Fifty-five bottles of beer on the wall - fifty-five bottles of beer on the wall - Hello? - Fifty-five bottles of beer - take one down and pass it around -","Kane: Hey, hey, can you hear me?","Wick: What do you want? Councilor, sir?","Kane: It's Wick, isn't it, from engineering, Sinclair's apprentice?","Wick: Yeah, yeah. He had me come down here to override the containment codes to keep the doors open. Don't tell him I messed up.","Kane: Hey. You didn't mess up. We need to get your arm free.","Wick: Yeah. Let's do that. That sounds like a good idea.","Kane: Rrgh! Ah! ( Panting ) Did you see anyone else around here?","Wick: No. Heard there was a hull breach in engineering. It was a breach? What the hell happened, anyway?","Kane: We were betrayed. Councilor Sydney, she took the Exodus ship by force. Damage to the Ark was catastrophic.","Wick: What a bitch. My mom voted for her.","Kane: I'm not gonna be able to open these doors without some help. I'll be right back.","Wick: You can't leave me, man.","Kane: I won't leave you here.","Wick: All right. ( Clank as door opens ) Rrgh! Aagh! Dude! Aagh! Ah, my God, thank you. That was- Gr! Aah! - Easy. I can hear the pumps.","Kane: I think the vents are working up ahead. Let's go. If you survived, there could be others.","Wick: It's like a ghost ship.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Myles: One of those scaly panther things?","Finn: Boar.","Myles: Good, because that panther meat is nasty, but I could eat a whole boar by myself, no joke. You know what the best part is of the boar? It's gonna sound gross.","Clarke: Myles, quiet for a second. What is it?","Finn: These tracks. They're perfect.","Clarke: Too perfect.","Finn: We're the ones being hunted.","Clarke: I don't see anything.","( Arrows fly and hit MYLES in the leg and chest )","Myles: Aah! Ah.","Clarke: Myles.","Finn: Clarke, come on. We got to leave him.","( A Grounder comes from behind a nearby tree and hits Clarke in the face with a club. Clarke falls to the ground )","Clarke: Ah!","Finn: Clarke! No.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kane: Here. Hey, how's the air in here?","Wick: Crappy.","Kane: I'm gonna check the next few compartments.","Wick: Whoa, hey, are you sure you want to do that? This ship took a lot of damage. You walk through the wrong door, you could be stepping out into space.","Kane: We need to keep moving. The air in here can turn bad at any time.","Wick: At least we're breathing.","Kane: The CO2 scrubbers down here have kicked back on. They can restart themselves?","Wick: No. The electrical fires blew out a DCDU. Everything is on manual.","Kane: Is it getting cooler in here?","Wick: I don't feel it.","Kane: Could someone restart the central cooling exchanges in this level?","Wick: No. That runs through the primary board.","Kane: Earth monitoring. We need to get these people moving now.","Wick: Move them where?","Kane: The cooling air is a message. See, I think there's someone alive in Earth monitoring.","Wick: The air is a message.","Kane: Yeah.","Wick: Okay. You have hypoxia, all right? So you're working with about ten percent of your brain.","Kane: We need to get them moving, now. I am not gonna let these people die here.","Wick: Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Finn: We walked for about three miles after crossing that creek, another two or so before we got to the road.","Clarke: I don't think it matters, Finn. They didn't blindfold us, which means they don't care what we saw. They're probably gonna kill us. Uh! What do you want from us?","Anya: Help her. If she dies, he dies.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Wick: Rest in peace, Earth monitoring.","Kane: Let's check passageway four.","Wick: No. We got a jammed pressure door between us and pass. four, and we can't get through here. It's game over, man.","Kane: I need to talk to whoever is in there.","Wick: 'Please\" would be nice. Watch this. Aha.","Kane: Earth monitoring, do you read?","Jaha: We read you. Who is this? Where are you?","Kane: Sir, it's good to hear your voice.","Jaha: Of course it's you, Kane. You're too stubborn to die.","Kane: I could say the same for you.","Jaha: What is your situation?","Kane: We have about a dozen survivors.","Jaha: That's good work, Councilor. Sinclair is rerouting power and air to the mess hall. Lead your people there.","Kane: After we get you.","Jaha: No. A fire burned through most of our oxygen. We put it out, but we don't have very long.","Kane: No. A fire burned through. All access is blocked.","Jaha: We are reviving as many Ark citizens as we can befoer our oxygen runs out.","Kane: I won't leave you to die.","Jaha: As your Chancellor, I am ordering you to gather as many survivors as you can and lead them to the mess hall. Jaha out.","Kane: Lead them to the mess hall, and when you get there, organize a search station by station. Look for survivors.","Wick: Let's go to the mess hall. Come on. Hey, the Chancellor is right. We all got to get out of here. This whole deck is an electrical fire waiting to happen.","Kane: That's why you have to lead these people out of here please.","Wick: So, what, you're got to save everybody else but yourself? This is nuts.","Kane: No one else can die because of me. Go. Go. Get yourselves to safety. ( Kane tries to get wreckage away but it's too heavy for him. Wick joins him but still too heavy. Some survivors help move the wreckage away. ) On three.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Anya: Her name is Tris.","Clarke: I can't do this. I don't have any equipment.","Anya: We'll provide you with what we can.","Clarke: Why do you think I can save her?","Finn: Lincoln told her.","Anya: Yes. Our healer is gone. There's nothing we can do for her. For his sake, I hope you can.","Finn: Clarke, you can do this.","Clarke: Wait. What happened to her?","Anya: She was on the bridge when your bomb exploded. You did this to her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Monty: I found some good antenna wire for the radios. This guy was using it to fix his bed.","Raven: You find anything else from the Exodus ship wreckage?","Monty: Yeah, data log. Want to hear something weird? ( Radio static )","Raven: Sounds like interference.","Monty: Wait. It gets weirder. When the signal hit, their nav. system went nuts. They never got it back, and then boom. It's like something was jamming the signal.","Raven: That is weird. It also makes no sense whatsoever.","Monty: No.","Raven: Pull the drive-in speakers.","Monty: You want to strip it? We'll never find out where they crashed.","Raven: We need every component we can get our hands on if we're gonna make walkies and I need the radio.","Monty: No way. How are we supposed to contact the Ark?","Raven: The Ark is not there. You're listening to a hole in the sky.","Monty: My family is up there.","Raven: I'm sorry. The hunters are back? Is Finn with them?","Bellamy: I don't think so. Hey, relax. I'm sure Clarke is keeping him out of trouble. What are you doing in here?","Raven: They don't waste time. I'll get them that. What's it been, a day and a half?","Bellamy: Mistaken me for someone who cares. Time to move on. What are you doing?","Raven: Moving on. I've never been with anyone but Finn. Take off your clothes.","Bellamy: Fine. I'll go first. If you're looking for someone to talk you down, tell you that you're just upset and not thinking straight, I'm not that guy.","Raven: Good.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(Tris gasping and coughing)","Finn: She's getting worse.","Help me lift her up. Oh, my God, here we go. She's not moving any air on the left. There's fluid pressing on her lungs. I don't see an entry wound. No. It wasn't shrapnel. It was trauma. The force of the explosion, it hit her in the chest. She's drowning in her own blood. She can't breathe. I have to relieve the pressure. I need a small tube, something rigid the size of my finger. Here. Thanks. Fifth intercostal space. Ah... Ah... This better work. You're ok. Attagirl. Breathe. What have you done? No. You don't understand. She couldn't breathe. Uh! Back off! Huh! Uh! Everybody gets oxygen now. Sir... Sir, are you all right? I gave you an order. You're bound by law to follow. The people in this room are our best chance to save the Ark. Besides, a wise man once told me... I needed to learn when not to follow the law. Heh heh. A wise man. Thank you. So what do we do now? She's breathing a little better, but even if we can save her, what happens then? Then maybe we don't die today. She's hot. Her heart rate is way up. She's probably septic. What does that mean? It means her blood is poisoned. What about this stuff?","Caliban: That slows bleeding. Coagulant. No. Lincoln had that same stuff at the dropship. I don't see any antibiotics. Maybe that lake seaweed? She doesn't need seaweed. She needs real medicine. How could you send a little girl into battle? What is wrong with you people? She was with me. She was my second. It's how we train them to be warriors. Oh, so the killing can just go on and on. Clarke... You put the bomb on the bridge. You did this to her.","(Tris gasping)","She needs clean blood. Transfusion? Ok. There's no tubing. So we need a syringe, the biggest one you can find, and I need a cannula. It's like a hollow needle. Did that help? No.","Jaha: Any word yet on casualties? No. Sinclair still has teams out assessing the damage, but... whole stations may have been lost. I estimate no more than 1,000 survivors... at least 1,500 dead.","Wick: Hey, guys, I found something. I'm sorry, sir. Mr. Wick has trouble with protocol. What did you find? Data from the Exodus launch. The monitor says that service hatch beta was manually sealed before the launch from our side. There was someone in the service bay. But there are survivors? People jumped ship at the last moment? Maybe Sydney threw them off. Maybe they were a threat. Could they still be alive in the service bay? Well, sir, if they hunkered down and got lucky, yeah, they could still be ticking, but they won't be for long. Well, how do we get to them? How can we get to them? We could try the maintenance shaft. It's sealed on both sides, so you'd have pressurization.","Sinclair: And it's pressed right up against the fuel pods. Without power to the coolant system, it'll be hot as hell in there.","Kane: I have to try. It's as sharp as it's gonna get. All right. Thanks.","(Tris moaning)","Bleach. Guess there's no moonshine. Ok. I'm gonna need your blood. No. You're from the same tribe. It's the best match we're gonna get. Clarke, if you're gonna do something, you have to do it now. Just use mine.","(Winces)","I can't find a vein. She's clamping down. She's lost too much blood. Clarke... Oh, come on. She's not breathing. Take him away and kill him. No. No. No. No! No. No. I did everything I could. No!","Finn: Clarke, stop. They'll hurt you. No. Get off. No.","Wick: Hey... You'll need this battery to open up the door to the bay. Good? Yeah? Uh! Uh! Ah... It's not that hot. Sinclair doesn't know what he's talking about. It's a little warm. So you're not gonna talk me out of going? Nope. When you die, can I have your shoes? They're much too stylish for you. Ah! Uh...","(Panting)","Monty: You finished the walkies.","Hey... I'm sorry about before, really, and about your family. Thanks. So all the hunters are back except Clarke and Finn. Ok. Raven, they were with another kid... Myles. They all left camp together. All 3 of them are still out there? Yeah. We're going to look for them. Bring the walkies. Uh... Aagh! Oh! Oh... oh...","(Beep)","Come on. Hey... hey, wake up. Hey... Abby? Abby, wake up. It's so hot. Anya will take no pleasure in your friend's death. Prove your worth, and you'll be welcome here. I couldn't save Tris. Why would you want me? We told you. Our healer is gone. Will I be able to go back to see them... my friends, my home? Tomorrow there'll be nothing to go back to. Those marks on her shoulder, what were they? Lincoln has them, too. Each scar marks a kill in combat. 5 kills? She was a little girl. She was brave. How many do you have? That's a lot. And half were after I hurt my knee. Aagh! Shh... Shh shh shh shh...","Raven: Where are they? We'll find them.","Monty, on radio: I thought you said you were heading west. Where are you?","Bellamy, on radio: Just keep the moon on your left, and you'll find us.","Raven: This morning, all I could think about was how much easier this would all be if Finn was just... Gone. You didn't wish this into being, Raven. Stop torturing yourself.","(Quivering signal)","Monty: Is anyone else hearing this signal?","Just keep your eyes open. I think it's the same thing we heard in the black box. Damn it, Monty, pay attention. Do you see anything? Report.","(Quivering signal)","Oh, my God.","(Screech)","(Static)","Uh... There's someone in the bushes. Myles? Uh... Myles, what happened? Where are they? Clarke and Finn, where are they? Grounders took them. Take it easy. We have to get him back to camp. Bell, what about Clarke and Finn? Raven, I'm sorry. We need to make a stretcher. Monty, we're heading home. You copy? Monty, can you hear me? Monty... Monty, where the hell are you?","Bellamy, on radio: Report. Monty... Aah! Aah!"],"Show Title":"The 100","Episode Number":"01x11","Episode Title":"The Calm","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_4400_01x05.json","Recap":["Tom and Diana break Kyle out of NTAC quarantine and head to Highland Beach . In a virtual reality with Kyle, Tom learns where the 4400 were taken, who took them, and why."],"Transcript":["Pers\u00e9cutions","(1x05 : Trial By Fire)","Written by ROBERT HEWITT WOLFE Directed by NICK GOMEZ","**Previously on 'The 4400'** Flashbacks to previous episode. **Present**","Dr Mayhew: The results are inconclusive but we must be missing something. People don't regain consciousness after a three year coma for no reason.","Linda: Honestly, we don't care why this happened. Right, Tom? We're just glad to have Kyle back.","Tom: You've been poking and prodding him for a week. When can we take him home?","Dr Mayhew: I don't see why you can't do it now.","Linda: That's wonderful.","Dr Mayhew: But there is something else.Patients like Kyle often have difficulty adjusting to their awakenings. They do best in environments similar to those they were in before their comas. In every detail. Places, the people... Kyle arrives home. Tom helps him into the house.","Tom: All right, come on.","Kyle: Why are we here?","Linda: We thought you'd be happier at home.","Kyle: Then, why take me here?","Tom: Kyle, this is your home.","Linda: And this is your room, Kyle. It's just the way you left it.","Kyle: OK. Kyle stumbles.","Tom: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I got you. I got you. He grabs some books and looks through them.","Kyle: This isn't my room. And this isn't my house.","Tom: Kyle.","Linda: Kyle. He's frantically searching through the bookshelves.","Tom: What are looking for, buddy? What are you looking for? We can help.","Linda: Kyle, Kyle, talk to us. What is he doing?","Tom: Whatever it is, I say we just let him work it out.","Linda: But he hasn't recognised his room.","Tom: Linda, the doctor told us he'd be disoriented.","Linda: I'm glad you're moving back in.","Tom: I'll try to stay out of your way as much as I can. Jordan Collier appears on the Barbara Yates show.","Yates: Come on, Jordan, aren't you overreacting?","Collier: No, I'm not at all. Publishing the names and addresses of the 4400 is a crime, Barbara. It's a violation of the privacy of over 4,000 people, and whoever did it should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.","Yates: So, warning people they may be living next to a public menace is a crime... The tv is in on Shawns house and he switches it off. The doorbell rings.","Shawn: We don't want any!","Tom: Shawn, it's your uncle. Let me in. He opens the door.","Shawn: Uncle Tommy.","Tom: Hey, Shawn.","Shawn: Come to take the tour?","Tom: Quite a procession out there.","Shawn: Yep. They started driving by the house the day my name showed up on the Net. They haven't stopped since. Yay for us!","Tom: Well, I know this is hard for you, Shawn. I just stopped by to say thank you. We took Kyle home yesterday and...I'm grateful.","Shawn: He's doing good, right?","Tom: Yeah. He's got a lot of work to do but......he's awake.","Shawn: Aunt Linda, does she know? About what I did, I mean?","Tom: No, I figured you wouldn't want that.","Shawn: Truth is, Uncle Tommy... I don't know what happened. I put my hands on him. That's it. He woke up. He woke up and I don't know why.","Tom: You see, Shawn. This thing that you can do. Whatever it is, we need to learn more.","Shawn: Well how? How? I could go into quarantine again. They could study me some more. No! I'm done with all that. With the hypnosis and the dream journals and the counselling.","Tom: I hear you. But I can be an ally. Maybe I can help you.","Shawn: I don't think so, Uncle Tommy. Richard and Lily walk back home after seeing a movie.","Richard: That was some movie. Biggest screen I ever saw. And the sound and all those, er...","Lily: Special effects.","Richard: Yes.","Lily: So, did you like it?","Richard: Not really. But it sure did look good. They get back to their apartment, and as Richard unlocks the door, Lily's baby becomes unhappy and Lily doubles over. Richard opens the door a tiny bit and realises that it's booby trapped.","Lily: Something's wrong.","Richard: Down. He pushes her to the ground and a bomb explodes. Diana and Tom take a look around the apartment.","Diana: The genie is definitely out of the bottle.","Tom: Three different bombings in one day.","Diana: Each targeting the 4400s whose addresses were made public.","Tom: Wait a second.","Diana: It's a pipe bomb, tripwire trigger.","Tom: It's about as basic as you can get.","Diana: Amateur.","Tom: Diana, I just found part of the casing.","Diana: Mm-hm. It's beautiful.","Tom: Shawn's name is on that list. I had my sister upgrade her security system, but...","Diana: Yeah, I'm worried about Maia, too.","Tom: Did you ever think about putting her back into quarantine?","Diana: Yeah, l've thought about it.I've even talked it over with her. She started crying. She wants to stay with me, Tom.","Tom: I'm glad it's working out.","Diana: Who would have thought? How's Kyle adjusting to being back home?","Tom: Still weak, his memory's a mess but he's out of that damn hospital.","Diana: What does his doctor think?","Tom: He's stunned, just like us. lt's a miracle. I don't have any other way of putting it.","Diana: What about Shawn?","Tom: What about him?","Diana: Where was he when Kyle woke up?","Tom: I have no idea. Back at Homeland Security.","Tom: All three bombs so far were identical in design and composition. Pipe casings, tripwire triggers.","Diana: I did a chemical analysis of the explosive. It's homemade plastique, basically boiled down from bleach. You can get the recipe's on the internet.","Tom: Just like the list of victims. I'd like to get my hands on whoever leaked those names.","Ryland: Come on, Tom. Who do you think leaked them?","Tom: Barbara Yates.","Ryland: You're goddamn right. lt's just her style. Cheap, inflammatory and dangerously irresponsible. I'll handle Yates. Meanwhile I want you two back-trace hits on every website that published these bomb recipes.","Tom: We'll have the results soon.","Ryland: So will I. Collier, Lily and Richard take a walk and look at some houses he has bought.","Lily: You own this entire complex?","Collier: C80 homes. Once we have this place off the ground, I'm planning developments in Chicago and Los Angeles. I intend to provide a safe haven for any 4400 in this country who needs one. We're opening sooner than I planned but the bombings make that necessary.","Richard: You do think big, don't you?","Collier: I'm a business man. I've been given a second chance to do something with my life, besides make money. Cos right now, that's just not enough. Or maybe l'm having a mid-life crisis. They stop outside one of the houses.","Collier: 93 Tomberra Lane, what do you think?","Lily: Oh, they're beautiful. They're all beautiful.","Collier: Well, it's yours. You'll be our first official residents.","Richard: Oh, we can't afford a house right now.","Collier: Consider it a gift for the two of you and your new baby. Shawn leaves a store and finds Nikki waiting outside.","Nikki: It's a small world. You did it, didn't you?","Shawn: Kyle waking up?","Nikki: That was you. You fixed him, just like you fixed my hand. Have you told Danny?","Shawn: No, and I don't want you to.","Nikki: But maybe if he knew what you did, he'd stop thinking of you as...","Shawn: A monster.","Nikki: I've been doing some thinking. This thing between Danny and me. Maybe it was a mistake.","Shawn: I don't want to hear this.","Nikki: It's not your fault. I mean that. Danny's sweet. I like him, but......that's all.","Shawn: He more than likes you.","Nikki: I know. Ryland get's a visit from a Homeland Security agent based in Washington.","Lyttel: Dennis Ryland?","Ryland: Yeah.","Lyttel: I'm Warren Lyttel. I believe HomeSec in D.C. mentioned I was coming.","Ryland: Oh yeah, they warned me.","Lyttel: Well, they're never happy. They seem to think you need to be more aggressive investigating the 4400. I'm here to nudge things along.","Ryland: Authority to review all 4400 case files. Access to all meetings and briefing sessions. Permission to ride with field agents at your discretion. That's a pretty broad mandate.","Lyttel: Well, they're looking at five murders. Three unsolved bombings. Barbara Yates bashing us all over the airwaves. Seems to them you could use help.","Ryland: I suppose it could look that way from a conference room in D.C.","Lyttel: It looks that way from everywhere except this glass tower of yours.","Ryland: I have 1,000 returnees within 75 miles of Seattle. I've got two dozen agents to ride herd on all of them.You wanna help me? Get me some more personnel.You wanna help me? Get D.C. off my back. But you're not really here to help me, are you?","Lyttel: No. We're here to clean up your mess.","Ryland: Where did they recruit you from? FBl? NSA?","Lyttel: Doesn't matter where I came from.","Ryland: How long have you been in public service? 15, 16 years? And suddenly you got a shot at a command of your own.Well, you come and take it from me.If you can. Kyle is in his bedroom ripping up all his photographs. The bed is strewn with them. Tom enters the room.","Tom: Kyle, what's going on?","Kyle: They're lies.","Tom: What do you mean?","Kyle: These pictures, I don't belong in them. These people, Idon't know them.","Tom: No, no, no. Of course, you do. Look. This is you at the zoo with Grandma Fran when you were eight. Remember? And this is your birthday party when you turned ten. You remember George?","Kyle: He was my friend.","Tom: That's right. That's right. And Freddy, you have to remember Freddy. He was over here all the time when you were little. Remember?","Kyle: Bugs Bunny.","Tom: That's right. Exactly. He was crazy about cartoons. Tom touches him arm.","Kyle: Don't touch me!","Tom: I'm sorry. I'm, I'm...trying to help.","Kyle: It's not my memory.You're my father. I recognise you, but I don't know who you are. It's like you're a stranger.","Tom: Kyle, Kyle. Kyle, just look at me. Just look at me.","Kyle: I need help.","Tom: I want to help you.","Kyle: Why can't you help me?","Tom: I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. Homeland Security.","Tom: The ripple effect. What about it? Every time we stop by the theory room, you and Marco always talk about how every case we work on has a ripple effect.","Diana: Yeah, every case but the Friday Harbor murders.","Tom: What if these bombings are that ripple? Knox went from killing prostitutes before his disappearance to killing random women once he came back. What if they weren't random?","Diana: That's interesting.","Tom: We should look into Knox's victims. See if we can find a connection there. Gail Keating's brother's (Victim that worked in the video store and was murdered after suggestion from Knox, in Becoming) are working in a room. Putting together something a homemade bomb. The Barbara Yates Show is on TV in the background.","Yates: I can't condone these bombings, but I understand the fear behind them.The easiest way to stop the violence is to put the 4400 out of harm's way. Someplace safe for them and for us. Now, I know to some of you that that may sound harsh, heartless even. And I assure you, I don't mean it to be. Just as I assure you that there are those among the 4400 who...","Dean Keating: Truck's ready to go. I won't be happy till we torch them all. They can all burn in hell. He turns the television off.","Glen Keating: Hey, I was listening to that.","Dean Keating: I'm sick of listening to it.","Glen Keating: She's on our side.","Dean Keating: That woman is a parasite. She doesn't give a damn about us or that our sister was murdered by one of those 4400 bastards. OK? Why don't you unload the fertiliser, eh? Leave the air filter on. Those damn fumes are killing me. Kyle is sat in the garden in the pouring rain. Shawn enters and seems really happy to see him.","Shawn: Kyle! Kyle Hey! Shawn grabs him and happily hugs him to his chest. Kyle just seems bewildered.","Shawn: Hey! It's good to see you, man. What are you doing sitting out here in the rain? What are you staring at? Listen, you're looking pretty good. The way your folks were talking I thought you'd be some kind of zombie.","Kyle: They won't leave me alone. Asking me questions, staring at me all the time.","Shawn: They're just glad to have you back. My mom did the same thing to me.","Kyle: My parents had you come here, didn't they? To try to make me remember.","Shawn: No, Kyle. Hey!","Kyle: I'm going inside. I've got reading to do. Kyle stands up.","Shawn: You've got reading to do! Kyle! Come on! I just got here. Richard and Lily have moved into their new house. Richard has on a suit.","Lily: Look at you!","Richard: I could have bought a car in my day for the price of this suit.","Lily: How's it going?","Richard: We've got a lot of work to do. Five families moved in today. Seven more by the end of the week. Got half a mile of property line to shore up. The fences are too short. Overhanging trees along the perimeter.","Lily: Along the perimeter? Well, as long as you're on the job, I feel safe and so does the baby. Two happy residents. That's a start. Barbara Yates leaves the TV Building and is speaking on her mobile phone.","Yates: It has been a crazy day. No, my assistant's out. My phone sheet is a mile long. I never got to the end of it. Anyway... A man grabs her arm and points to a limousine across the street.","Man: Miss Yates, Dennis Ryland would like to speak with you. She get's into the car.","Yates: Dennis. What a pleasant surprise! Well, this is a bit theatrical, don't you think?","Ryland: Read this.","Yates: What is it?","Ryland: It's a story. A good one.","Yates: About the 4400? He hands her some paperwork.","Ryland: No, about a TV talking head that was involved in a car accident last year. A hit and run, actually. It was really ugly. The pedestrian she hit died instantly. It was a shame. He was 40 years old, father of three. No wonder she spent so much money covering it up.","Yates: So... Are you blackmailing me, Dennis? I shut up about the 4400 and this envelope goes in a vault somewhere?","Ryland: Not good enough, Barbara.","Yates: What do you want me to do?","Ryland: It's too late for you to do anything. I gave you a chance and you refused. Steve Smizick from the D.A.'s office wants to talk to you. He's going to charge you with vehicular manslaughter, among other things.","Yates: Look, face it. Shutting me up is not going to make the 4400 disappear from the headlines. And eventually, they will cost you your job.","Ryland: We'll see. Goodbye, Barbara. Tom and Diana speak with Collier at the gates of the 4400 community.","Tom: Is this wisest move under the circumstances, Mr Collier? All these 4400s in the same place is a target.","Collier: There are always dangers. That's why I hired the security team.","Tom: Mr Tyler, I know you're trying to protect your family, but you must realise that by staying here, you could be in serious danger.","Richard: Maybe. But you know l was born in 1922, in Missouri. And my skin was as black, then, as it is now. So, I've had to worry about fire bombings and beatings my entire life. And if there's anything I learned, it's this. Eventually a man's got to take a stand. I'm making mine right here. Shawn walks out of school and watches Danny and Nikki arguing. She seem's to be ending their relationship. Diana arrives to pick Maia up from school and finds her outside with her teacher.","Teacher: ...a sprained ankle.","Maia: To the other side.","Diana: Maia, how did you do today?","Teacher: Miss Skouris, can we talk?","Diana: Well, give us a sec. Can you? Sorry I'm late again.","Teacher: Please understand... I'm afraid you can't bring Maia back to school anymore. We have to consider the safety of the other students.","Diana: Has Maia been a problem?","Teacher: Not at all. She's lovely. But it's the bombings. With Maia's name on that list we can't risk having her here at school. l'm sorry.","Diana: I understand. The teacher leaves.","Diana: I'm sorry, Maia. We'll find someplace else, l promise.","Maia: It'll be OK.","Diana: No, it's not OK. It's wrong.","Maia: No, I mean, someone's coming who will make everything better. We just have to wait a little longer. One of the 4400, Mary Deneville, carries some flowers across the street into a waiting van. One of the flowers is wilting.","Mary: Oh, you got too warm. Come on. Let's look pretty. Don't you want to look pretty? She stares at it and the flower begins to regenerate.","Mary: That's better. She get's into the van and starts the engine. A bomb explodes and the van is destroye. Tom and Diana arrive at the scene.","Diana: Is that a blasting cap?","Tom: It's a commercial detonator. Which means it'll be easier to trace than a bottle of bleach.","Diana: We'll send it to the lab. lt needs serial numbers, lot numbers, a purchaser would be nice.","Tom: What do you have on the victim?","Diana: Mary Denneville. 27-years-old. The flower shop was her father's. She disappeared in 1999 but picked up her life right where she left off.","Tom: Until today.","Diana: Are the 4400 that frightening to people? Are we too close, so we don't see it?","Tom: Something like this isn't fear. This is hate, pure and simple. His phone rings.","Tom: Baldwin...Right now! He put's the phone down.","Diana: What?","Tom: We have to go in. Shawn see's Nikki at school.","Shawn: Nikki.","Nikki: Shawn. There's something I need to tell you.","Shawn: I know. I saw you and Danny talking yesterday.","Nikki: I just...want to make one thing clear. Me breaking up with Danny has nothing to do with you. OK?","Shawn: OK.","Nikki: Do you ever feel like you just......wanted to get away from your life for a while?","Shawn: I did that for three years. Don't recommend it.","Nikki: You know what I mean.","Shawn: Yeah.","Nikki: Find a quiet place where you can pretend that...things are simple. That nobody's angry at you, or hurt or sad.","Shawn: I know just the spot. Come on. I'll take you.","Nikki: Yeah?","Shawn: Yeah.","Nikki: OK.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lyttel speaks with Diana and Tom.","Lyttel: I've been studying your case files. You're the first investigative team I've talked to, but it seems like you're the right place to begin.","Tom: Where shall we start, Orson Bailey, Oliver Knox?","Lyttel: How about Maia Rutledge? Age eight. Disappeared in '46.","Diana: Well, what about her?","Lyttel: It says here her foster parents returned her to quarantine, no reason given. Then there's all these reports of her making predictions that come true. Next thing, she's been removed from quarantine by one of our field agents.","Diana: I believe it goes on to say, 'For further study'.","Lyttel: But you haven't filed any other reports though, have you?","Diana: All of this was approved by Ryland. I don't see what the problem is.","Lyttel: Next case, Shawn Farrell, aged 17. Disappeared in April of 2001 . It's a little thin. Isn't it, Tom?","Tom: Why don't you accuse us of whatever it is and let us get back to work.","Lyttel: You two are good field agents. But it was a mistake to let two people with such obvious conflicts of interest to remain on the 4400 investigation.","Diana: This is not a conflict of interest, it is a unique perspective. It is a window into these people's lives.","Tom: You have a gang task force, you want people on it who know gangs. Same thing here, we know the 4400 better than any other agents in the country, that's why we're on these cases.","Lyttel: Nice spin. Is this what Ryland thinks?","Tom: Is that who your after? Ryland?","Lyttel: You know it's ironic. The North-West Division used to be a backwater. It was given to Ryland like a pat on the back for a career of good service. A quiet place where he could ride out his last years before retirement. But his free ride ended the night the 4400 showed up by that lake. Now there's going to be a change around here, whether you like it or not. You can either be part of it or you can get swept aside. Collier is in his office. His secretary buzzes in.","Secretary: Lily Moore to see you.","Collier: Uh, send her in. Lily enters the room.","Collier: Lily, what can l do for you?","Lily: Um... Yeah, Chilean sea bass? Tenderloin medallions? Lobster sushi? Jordan, I just asked if I could use the common area for our support group, I didn't mean for you to cater it like a black tie dinner.","Collier: People want to eat whether they're wearing tuxedos or not. It's going to be a really emotional night. These people are like me. Their family reunions didn't turn out as planned. It's all paid for.","Lily: Anyone ever tell you you're a control freak?","Collier: Once or twice.","Lily: Or that throwing money at people might make them question what you want in return?","Collier: That sounds awfully serious. If I've made you uncomfortable...","Lily: It's just...you go so far out of your way to make sure I'm taken care of. You give me far than I've thought about, or asked for or needed. You know I'm in love with Richard, right?","Collier: Lily Moore, you are a blunt woman and I find that attractive, which I know was not your intent. Look, why would I try to break up you and Richard? One, I'm smart enough to know I'd fail. Two, I just would never do that. Lily, thanks for coming by and I hope your support group enjoys the lobster. Diana's at home, on the phone with Tom.","Diana: The William Wayne Construction Company bought the blasting caps.","Tom: Ok, good. Check their employee list with the names from the Knox case.","Diana: I'm already onto it. I'll call you back if I find your ripple. Thanks. Tom checks in on Kyle.","Tom: How is he?","Linda: You better see for yourself.","Tom: What are you doing, buddy? Kyle is drawing dots on a map.","Kyle: I'm looking.","Tom: For what?","Kyle: For me. Shawn takes Nikki to Mount Rainier.","Nikki: This is the spot?","Shawn: Yep. Me and 4,399 of my closest friends popped out of a ball of light right here.","Nikki: It's so pretty. I wonder why they sent you back here? Why not on the White House lawn? Or in the middle of Times Square?","Shawn: I dunno, maybe they just appreciate a good view.","Nikki: You think?","Shawn: I have no idea.","Nikki: You're such a jerk.","Shawn: You're just figuring that out now? Hey, let me see this. He takes her hand.","Nikki: What are you doing?","Shawn: Doctor's follow-up. Just... It looks good. I keep thinking you're still fourteen.","Nikki: I'm not.","Shawn: I know. They kiss, which leads to them having s*x on top of the mountain. Diana is at home working on her laptop. She's going through a list of names.","Diana: Tom? I've found something. The Keatings base is found.","Officer: What do you got?","Tom: Gone.","Diana: We've got fertiliser.","Tom: And tyre tracks.","Diana: They've got a truck bomb. They brief Ryland at Homeland Security.","Tom: The tyre prints matched the phone company's service trucks. So, we pulled their personnel records and found one Dean Keating.","Ryland: As in Gail Keating - Friday Harbor murder victim?","Tom: Dean's her older brother.","Diana: Not only that. Gail's younger brother, Glenn works construction and on his last job the company was short two dozen blasting caps.","Ryland: So, one of the returnee's kills their sister and these guys get their revenge.","Tom: And the 4400 go from being a threat to being sympathetic victims.","Ryland: Your ripple effect. All right, put out an APB on Keating's truck, and you'd better not let that truck get to where it's going. Diana and Tom are looking at CCTV camera's, watching various roads, looking for the truck.","Diana: Come on. Where are you? Tom phones Richard.","Tom: Mr Tyler, we're looking for a truck bomb. Be on high alert.","Richard: Understood. Thanks.","Diana: We're running out of time. There! Truck number 85. That vehicle's assigned to Dean Keating. And it's heading north on...","Tom: Aurora. Heading into Richmond Highlands. Tom run's out.","Sid: We need a list of all the 4400s in Richmond Highlands.","Diana: There's only one 4400 in that area. It's Tom's nephew. Tom, hold up! They run to the roof of the building and get into a helicopter. Tom put's on a headset.","Tom: Operations. Patch me through to that phone number again.","Answerphone: Farrell residence.We're not in. You know the drill.","Tom: Susan, Shawn, Danny. If you can here this, get out of the house! Is anyone there? Danny's there, but he has on headphones and can't hear.","Tom: There it is. Number 85. Get us down. Now! The helicopter lands on the road in front of the lorry.","Tom: Put your hands where I can see them!","Diana: Out of the truck. Keep your hands where we can see them.","Driver: What the hell...","Tom: Shut up! Stay down.","Tom: You're not Keating. Where's Dean Keating?","Driver: He didn't come in.","Diana: No explosives. The truck's clean, Tom. They switched vans.","Tom: It's not Keating. Come on! Let's go. They get back in the helicopter.","Tom: We got the wrong van. Re-check all principle targets. Report anything suspicious. The Keatings are outside Collier's housing development.","Sid: We've got a 12ft step van parked near Collier's housing complex. No plates, new paint job.","Tom: That's what the phone company uses. Patch us through to Collier's. Use any line you can find.","Sid: The phones are dead. Richard see's the truck pull up.","Richard: Code Red. Main gate. Lily's baby senses the danger. Back in the helicopter, which is hovering over the house.","Tom: There they are. Get me over there. Richard and other armed security guards point rifles at the brothers. Meanwhile, the Keatings are preparing the bomb. Tom shoot's one of them, as he hovers overhead. They still manage to set the bomb.","Glen: Go!","Dean: I've set it. Go! Both brothers are hit and fall from the van, but the code has been set and the van heads for the gate's. Richard and the guards continue to fire and at the last minute, Richard shoot's out one of the tyres, which set's the van into a spin. It eventually lands on it's side, short of the gate, and explodes. No-one is harmed. The helicopter lands and Tom runs over to the brothers.","Tom: Hands over your head! Down! Down! Down! Down!","Diana: On your stomach now!","Tom: You are being arrested as a terrorist. You will be treated as an enemy combatant. You do not have the right to remain silent. You do not have the right to an attorney. Whatever you say will damn sure be used against you! Lily runs down to the gate and hug's Richard. Lyttel goes to the hospital and finds Dr Mayhew in a cubicle.","Tannoy: Doctor MacMillan to...","Lyttel: Doctor Mayhew. I'm Warren Lyttel from Homeland Security. I need to ask a few questions about Kyle Baldwin. Tom arrives home that night and Linda rushes out to meet him.","Linda: Tom, you have to come quick!","Tom: What?","Linda: Just come on! They rush out into the garden. Kyle is sitting naked, with the garden sprinklers spraying him with water.","Tom: Kyle! What are you doing?","Kyle: I know what's wrong with me. I finally understand.","Tom: What is it, Kyle? Tell me!","Kyle: There's only one explanation. Why I remember everything, but can't feel anything. Why all the people in my life seem like strangers. They're not strangers. I am. I'm not Kyle Baldwin."],"Show Title":"The 4400","Episode Number":"01x05","Episode Title":"Trial By Fire","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Big_Bang_Theory_01x10.json","Recap":["Penny is given a part in the musical Rent, but after Leonard and Sheldon hear her off-key singing (Sheldon commenting, \"if cats could sing, they'd hate it too\"), Leonard lies to avoid having to see her perform and hurt her feelings. Sheldon, worried that Leonard's lie was inadequate, devises an intricate lie about his nonexistent drug-addicted cousin \"Leopold Houston\" needing an intervention the night of the play). Sheldon is so obsessed with his lie's credibility that he has Toby Loobenfeld, a research assistant who double majored in Physics and Theatre, impersonate cousin \"Leo\" to convince Penny the lie is true. In the end, Leonard must still see the video of Penny's performance, and Penny and \"Leo\" start flirting."],"Transcript":["Scene: The downstairs lobby.","Leonard: See, the liquid metal Terminators were created in the future by Skynet, and Skynet was developed by Miles Dyson, but that future no longer exists, due to Dyson's death in Terminator 2.","Sheldon: Okay, then riddle me this. Assuming all the good Terminators were originally evil Terminators created by Skynet but then reprogrammed by the future John Connor, why would Skynet, an artificial computer intelligence, bother to create a petite hot 17 year-old killer robot?","Leonard: Skynet is kinky? I don't know.","Sheldon: Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes.","Leonard: Alright, oh wait, they use it to in...","Sheldon: (Buzzing noise), too late, I win. Penny (voice off, singing, quite tunelessly): Let's go-oh-oh Ou-oooo-ut tonight. I have to go-oh-oh-oh ou-ooooo-ut tonight.","Leonard: What the hell is that?","Sheldon: I don't know, but if cats could sing, they'd hate it too. (The continue up the stairs and disappear from view).","Penny (still singing off): You wanna prowl, be my night owl, (Leonard and Sheldon reappear, running down the stairs) we'll take my... (appearing) Hey guys, hi! Where you going?","Leonard: What? Oh we just had to... mail some letters and (seeing Sheldon has large bag in hand and bin is nearby) throw away some chicken. (Sheldon very reluctantly does.)","Penny: You'll never guess what just happened.","Leonard: Oh, I give up.","Sheldon: I don't guess. As a scientist I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation, although as I'm saying this it occurs to me you may have been employing a rhetorical device rendering my response moot.","Penny: What was that?","Leonard: Believe it or not, personal growth. What happened?","Penny: Alright, remember when I auditioned for that workshop production of Rent, but I didn't get it and I couldn't figure out why?","Sheldon: I have a conclusion based on an observation.","Leonard: No you don't. No he doesn't.","Penny: Well, the girl they picked to play Mimi, she dropped out and they asked me to replace her.","Leonard: Oh, congratulations, what a lucky break.","Penny: It's not a big deal, just a one night showcase, but they invite a lot of casting people and agents so, you never know.","Sheldon: I think I know.","Leonard: No you don't. He doesn't.","Penny: It's this Friday at eight, you guys want to come?","Together: No.","Leonard: Because.... uh, Friday, we are attending a symposium on molecular positronium.","Sheldon: I think that's a week from Tuesday at six.","Leonard: No, it's this Friday, at eight.","Penny: Oh, too bad, well, I got to get to rehearsal, see you guys.","Leonard: See you. (Penny exits singing)","Sheldon: You just lied to Penny.","Leonard: Yes, I did.","Sheldon: And you did it so casually, no rapid breathing, no increase in perspiration.","Leonard: So?","Sheldon: So, lack of a physiological response while lying is characteristic of a violent sociopath.","Leonard: Sheldon, are you worried about your safety.","Sheldon: No, I imagine if you were going to kill me you'd have done it a long time ago.","Leonard: That's very true. Leonard exits. Sheldon looks worried for a moment, then retrieves the chicken from the bin and follows. Credits sequence","Scene: Outside Leonard's bedroom.","Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard...","Leonard: What?","Sheldon: I need to speak to you.","Leonard: It's two o'clock in the morning","Sheldon: It's important.","Leonard: I highly doubt that. Go away. (Long pause). Are you still out there?","Sheldon: Yes.","Leonard (opening door): What?","Sheldon: You're right, it can wait until morning. Leonard (following Sheldon into living room): What, what, what, what, what?","Sheldon: Never mind. I clearly woke you up in the middle of a REM cycle, you're in no state to talk.","Leonard: Sheldon, what is it?","Sheldon: I'm uncomfortable having been included in your lie to Penny.","Leonard: What was I supposed to say.","Sheldon: You could have told her the truth.","Leonard: That would have hurt her feelings.","Sheldon: Is that a relevant factor?","Leonard: Yes.","Sheldon: Then I suppose you could have agreed to go.","Leonard: And what would I have said afterwards?","Sheldon: I would suggest something to the effect of, singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor avocation for you, and if you disagree, I'd recommend you have a CAT scan, to look for a tumour pressing on the cognitive processing centre of your brain.","Leonard: I couldn't say that, I would have to say, you were terrific and I can't wait to hear you sing again.","Sheldon: Why?","Leonard: It's the social protocol, it's what you do when you have a friend who's proud of something they really suck at.","Sheldon: I was not aware of that.","Leonard: Well now you are.","Sheldon: Oh, alright. Leonard.","Leonard: Yes.","Sheldon: When we played chess earlier, you were terrific and I can't wait to play you again. Goodnight.","Scene: Leonard's bedroom.","Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock).....","Leonard: Oooaw. This would be so much easier if I were a violent sociopath. (Opening door) What?","Sheldon: I was analysing our lie, and I believe we're in danger of Penny seeing through the ruse.","Leonard: How?","Sheldon: Simple. If she were to log on to www.socalphysicsgroup.org\/activities\/other, click on upcoming events, scroll down to seminars, download the pdf schedule, and look for the seminar on molecular positronium, well then, bippidy-boppidy-boo, our pants are metaphorically on fire. Leonard closes door.","Sheldon: Well, sir, my trousers will not be igniting today.","Scene: Outside Penny's door.","Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (door opens) Good morning.","Penny: Do you have any idea what time it is?","Sheldon: Of course I do. My watch is linked to the atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado. It's accurate to one tenth of a second. But as I'm saying this it occurs to me that once again your question may have been rhetorical.","Penny: What do you want?","Sheldon: Remember how Leonard told you we couldn't come to your performance because we were attending a symposium on molecular positronium?","Penny: I remember symposium.","Sheldon: Yes, well, he lied.","Penny: Wait, what?","Sheldon: He lied, and I'm feeling very uncomfortable about it.","Penny: Well imagine how I'm feeling.","Sheldon: Hungry? Tired? I'm sorry this really isn't my strong suit.","Scene: The living room.","Leonard: You told her I lied, why would you tell her I lied?","Sheldon: To help you.","Leonard: I'm sorry, I'm not seeing the help.","Sheldon: She was going to see through your lie eventually, so I told her that you were lying to protect me.","Leonard: Oh, I'm getting a bad feeling.","Sheldon: Hunger? Indigestion, I'm sorry I'm really not very good at this. Anyway, Penny now believes that on Friday night, we're going to participate in my cousin Leopold's drug intervention.","Leonard: Your cousin Leopold?","Sheldon: Yea, who most people call Leo, but he also answers to Lee, remember that, it's important.","Leonard: What's important?","Sheldon: Details, Leonard, the success or failure of our deceitful enterprise turns on details.","Leonard: Do you have a cousin Leopold.","Sheldon: No, I made him up. I think you'd call him Lee.","Leonard: I don't get it, I already told her a lie, why replace it with a different lie?","Sheldon: Well, first of all, your lie was laughably transparent, where mine is exquisitely convoluted. While you were sleeping I was weaving an un-unravelable web.","Leonard: Un-unravelable?","Sheldon: Yes, if she googles Leopold Houston she'll find a facebook page, an online blog depicting his descent into drug use, and a desperate yet hopeful listing on e-harmony.com.","Leonard: Okay, why would I go to a drug intervention for your cousing.","Sheldon: Ah, because it's in Long Beach, and I don't drive.","Leonard: We're going to Long Beach?","Sheldon: No, of course not, there's no cousin Leo, there's no intervention, focus Leonard.","Leonard: Oh, come on!","Sheldon: We just leave the house on Friday night, and we return in the wee hours emotionally wrung out from the work of convincing Leo to go back into rehab.","Leonard: So he goes back into rehab?","Sheldon: Yes, but, he can relapse if Penny ever invites us to go hear her sing again.","Leonard: You still told her I lied.","Sheldon: For a noble purpose, to spare me the social embarrassment of having a drug-addled first cousin, which I'm assuming is embarrassing, yes?","Leonard: I don't know. How am I supposed to remember all of this.","Sheldon: That's the best part, you don't have to, see I told Penny that you would be embarrassed, if you knew that she found out that you had lied, so she's agreed to operate as if the original lie was still in force.","Leonard: So she's expecting me to lie about going to a symposium in Pasadena, when in actuality we're pretending to go to a drug intervention in Long Beach?","Sheldon: Un-unravelable.","Scene: The apartment.","Leonard (opening door): Oh hey Penny, wow, look at you, all ready for your showcase, you look great.","Penny: Thanks. I just wanted to come by and wish you guys luck with your symposium.","Leonard: Oh, well, thankyou.","Penny: You know, I got to tell you, a lot of friends would let their friend go alone, but that's not who you are, you are the kind of guy who stands by a friend when... when he has a symposium to go to.","Leonard: I don't know what to say.","Penny: It's okay, Leonard (hugs him.)","Leonard: Oh, okay, alright, good.","Howard (arriving): Oh boy, group hug.","Penny: Uh-huh!","Howard: Uh-huh?","Penny: Uh-huh!","Howard: Okay. So what's up?","Sheldon: Well, uh, Penny is on her way to perform in a one night showcase production of Rent, which we are unable to attend because we are going to a symposium on molecular positronium, given by Dr Emile Farminfarmian.","Howard: Wait a minute, Farminfarmian is speaking and you're Bogarding the symposium.","Leonard: Howard, I'm sorry... we're... we're","Howard: No, no, you're quark-blocking us.","Leonard: I don't know what to say.","Howard: Wow.","Leonard: Howard, listen...","Howard: No, it's okay, it's your Millenium Falcon, you and Chewbacca do whatever you want to do. Me and Princess Leia here will find some other way to spend the evening.","Penny: Howard, wait. Sheldon, I think we should tell them.","Sheldon: Okay, sure. I don't see a problem with that.","Penny: There's no symposium, Leonard lied to me, isn't that right Leonard.","Leonard: Well... I don't know what to say.","Penny: It's okay, I do, look, Leonard is helping Sheldon through a family crisis, he made up the whole story about the symposium with Dr Farmin..farm...ian","Sheldon: Good for you.","Penny: Hah, yeah! Because he didn't want Sheldon to be embarrassed, and there is nothing to be embarrassed okay, every family in America has a relative holed up in a garage somewhere huffing paint thinner. Howard (after Raj whispers in his ear): No, I'm lost too, I think she skipped a step.","Penny: No, look, Sheldon's cousin Leo escaped rehab, and he's in a Motel 8 at Long Beach, the whole family's going out for an intervention. Leonard is driving Sheldon down there to help him through this because he's such a good man.","Leonard: Oh, another hug, thank you.","Penny: Alright you guys, good luck.","Leonard: Thanks Penny.","Howard: Yeah, uh, break a leg.","Sheldon: Break a leg. (She leaves)","Howard: So, road trip to Long Beach.","Leonard: No, we're not going to Long Beach.","Raj: Why not?","Leonard: Because Sheldon doesn't have a drug addicted cousin Leopold.","Raj: Oh, too bad. I've always wanted to go to Long Beach.","Sheldon: It's a very nice community. The Queen Mary is docked there, once the largest ocean liner in the world, it's now a hotel and restaurant where they host a surprisingly gripping murder mystery dinner.","Raj: Sounds fun.","Howard: I'm game.","Raj: Shotgun.","Sheldon: No, no, no, Leonard gets nauseous unless he sits in front, and even then it's iffy.","Leonard: Wait, are we really going to Long Beach?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene: Leonard's bedroom. The bedside table is piled with Queen Mary memorabilia.","Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard...","Leonard: Let it go, Sheldon, the murderer was the first mate whether it makes sense to you or not.","Sheldon: No, that's the least of our worries. I've been doing some research on addiction, both the biochemical and behavioural aspects, and I think there's a problem with the current version of our lie.","Leonard: What are you talking about, it's fine, she bought it, it's over.","Sheldon: Sadly, it's not. Substance abuse is a lifelong struggle, but beyond that I have realised that the Leo I described would not have agreed to go to rehab.","Leonard: Why not?","Sheldon: Because Leo is a middle child.","Leonard: There is no Leo, how can you say that?","Sheldon: You didn't read the bio, did you? He's not just a middle child, he's the quintessential middle child, from a broken home to boot. Psychologically speaking, the attention he gets by rebelling even to the point of self-destruction is more emotionally valuable than the help he would get at rehab.","Leonard: I've got a solution.","Sheldon: Great, what is it?","Leonard: Get out.","Sheldon: Fine. (He leaves. A moment later he comes back.) I've hesitated to point this out, but I must now remind you that we are in our current predicament because of your initial and totally inadequate deceit. I'm just trying to clean up after your mess. (Leonard throws a glass ornament at him. He just manages to shut the door in time.) We'll talk in the morning.","Scene: The living room. Leonard enters in his dressing gown. There is a strange man eating cereal at the kitchen table.","Strange man: Morning.","Leonard: Who are you?","Man: I am Sheldon's cousin Leo.","Leonard: Oh, God! Sheldon does not have a cousin Leo.","Man: Au contraire. I'm 26 years old, I'm originally from (reads off crib notes) Denton, Texas, but I was a Navy brat so I was brought up on a variety of military bases around the world, as a result I've often felt like an outsider, never really fitting in, which is probably the reason for my substance abuse problem.","Sheldon: Excuse me, we just went over this. As the quintessential middle child, your addiction is rooted in your unmet need for attention.","Man: Oh, Sheldon, are we really going to go with pop psychology.","Sheldon: For your information, this is all based on solid research, stick with the character profile I wrote for you.","Leonard: Sheldon?","Sheldon: I'm sorry, Leonard, this is Toby Loobenfeld, he's a research assistant in the particle physics lab, but he also minored in theatre at MIT.","Toby: It was more of a double major actually. Theatre and physics. You can guess which one my bourgeois parents pushed me towards.","Leonard: Yeah, I got it, Sheldon, why?","Sheldon: Well, you see, while Leo would not have gone into rehab, it is completely plausible that we would have talked him into leaving the motel, and coming home with us.","Leonard: Oh...!","Toby: Sheldon, how about this as my motivation. When I was fourteen years old I was abused in the Philippines by a club footed Navy chaplain.","Sheldon: No. We're going with middle child, and a generic predisposition to inadequate serotonin production.","Toby: Swell, how do I play genetic predisposition?","Sheldon: Subtextually, of course. (There is a knock on the door.) Just have fun with it. (Opening door.) Morning Penny.","Penny: Hi. How did the intervention go.","Sheldon: Unfortunately, we weren't able to convince him to go to rehab.","Penny: Well, based on what you told me, I'm not surprised.","Sheldon: But we did convince him to leave the motel. Come say hello. Leo, this is Penny, our friend and neighbour.","Penny: Hi Leo, how are you feeling?","Toby: Let me ask you something, Penny. Have you ever woken up in a fleabag motel, covered in your own vomit, next to a transsexual prostitute?","Penny: No.","Toby: Then don't ask me how I'm feeling.","Leonard: Well, that's Leo. Hey, um, why don't you tell me about your showcase last night?","Penny: Oh, it was okay I guess, wasn't a big turn out but they both really seemed to like it.","Leonard: There were only two people there?","Penny: By the end. Yeah.","Toby: Damn you, Chaplain Horrigan!","Penny: I'm... I'm sorry.","Toby: The Philippines. 1992. The Subic Bay Naval Station. A young boy on the cusp of manhood. His only companions mongrel dogs and malarial mosquitos. Desperate and alone he reached out to a man who promised to introduce him to a merciful, loving God, but who instead introduced him to a gin pickled tongue shoved down his adolescent throat. What choice did he have but to drink, shoot and snort his pain away.","Sheldon: Don't forget his genetic predisposition towards addiction.","Toby: That's never been proven.","Sheldon: There have been studies.","Toby: Not double blind studies.","Sheldon: How could there be a double blind study, who would be the control group.","Leonard: As you can see, detoxing can get pretty ugly, let's give them some privacy.","Penny: Yeah. Hey, do you want to come over to my place, have coffee?","Leonard: Sounds good.","Penny: I have a video of me singing last night, do you want to see it?","Leonard: Gee, why wouldn't I?","Penny: This is even better than you coming to the showcase, because now I get to watch you watch me.","Leonard: Yeah! Funny how things work out.","Toby: And that he loved the companionship and the wisdom that his own father failed to provide.","Sheldon: Your parents made the right decision.","Toby: I cannot work like this!","Scene: The apartment. Penny is on the sofa with Toby. They are watching TV.","Toby: This is amazing. Just sitting on a couch, watching TV with a woman. Not being drunk, or high, or... or... wondering if you're a dude down there.","Penny: Leo, you are a very sweet, really funny guy. You're gonna do okay.","Toby: One day at a time, Penny, one day at a time.","Leonard: How long is he going to stay here.","Sheldon: He's a homeless drug addict, Leonard, where is he going to go? Boy, you have a lot to learn about lying."],"Show Title":"The Big Bang Theory","Episode Number":"01x10","Episode Title":"The Loobenfeld Decay","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Big_Bang_Theory_01x17.json","Recap":["Penny furiously breaks up with Mike after he posts details of their sex life on his blog, while Sheldon, determined to prove that the Chinese restaurant uses oranges instead of tangerines in their \"Tangerine chicken\", asks Howard to teach him Mandarin. When Penny laments her choice of men, Leonard awkwardly asks her out. After a few days, both worry that this relationship could ruin their friendship, and each seeks Sheldon's advice. Sheldon uses the \"Schr\u00f6dinger's cat\" thought experiment to explain that the date has both \"good\" and \"bad\" possible outcomes, and the only way to determine which outcome is to go on the date. When Leonard arrives to pick up Penny, he mentions the thought experiment and kisses her passionately. She concludes that \"the cat is alive\" and they leave for dinner. Leonard and Penny go to the Chinese restaurant, but they leave before entering on seeing Sheldon arguing with the owner in Mandarin, and doing it very badly, disturbing the patrons."],"Transcript":["Scene: The apartment living room","Sheldon: Wo de zhing shi Sheldon.","Howard: No, it's Wo de ming zi shi Sheldon. (Makes a hand movement with every syllable.)","Sheldon: Wo de ming zi shi Sheldon. (Copies hand movements.)","Howard: What's this? (Repeats hand movements.)","Sheldon: That's what you did. I assumed as in a number of languages that the gesture was part of the phrase.","Howard: Well it's not.","Sheldon: How am I supposed to know that? As the teacher it's your obligation to separate your personal idiosyncrasies from the subject matter.","Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.","Sheldon: Why?","Howard: Once you're fluent you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.","Leonard (entering): Hey!","Sheldon: Mai du lui tsa.","Howard: You just called Leonard a syphilitic donkey.","Sheldon: My apologies Leonard, I'm only as good as my teacher.","Leonard: Why are you learning Chinese?","Sheldon: I believe the Szechuan Palace has been passing off orange chicken as tangerine chicken and I intend to confront them.","Leonard: If I were you, I'd be more concerned by what they're passing off as chicken.","Penny (storming in): I need to use your window.","Leonard: Oh, yeah, no, sure, go ahead.","Penny (opening window): Hey Jerkface, you forgot your iPod! (Throws it out.)","Leonard: What's going on?","Penny: Oh, I'll tell you what's going on, that stupid self-centred b*st*rd wrote about our s*x life in his blog. (Out of window) Drop dead, you stupid self-centred b*st*rd! (To Leonard) Thank you. (exit)","Sheldon: Okay, where were we?","Howard: Not now, I have a blog to find.","(Credits sequence)","Scene: Leonard approaches Penny's door and knocks.","Leonard: Penny, are you okay?","Penny (voice off): I'm fine, Leonard, just go away.","Leonard: Look, I understand that breaking up with someone can be very painful....","Penny: GO AWAY!","Leonard: Okay, feel better, bye. (Goes back to apartment) She doesn't want to talk.","Sheldon: Not surprising. Penny's emotional responses originate from the primitive portion of the brain known as the Amygdala, while speech is centred in the much more recently developed Neocortex. The former can easily overpower the latter giving scientific credence to the notion of being rendered speechless. (Leonard stares at him.) Or maybe she just doesn't want to talk.","Raj (entering): Hey, look, I found an iPod.","Howard: It's smashed beyond repair, what are you going to do with it?","Raj: What else? Sell it on ebay as slightly used.","Leonard: It was Penny's boyfriend's, they broke up.","Howard: Apparently he posted intimate details of their physical relationship on his blog, which I cannot find anywhere.","Leonard: You know what, I'm going to go back and try talking to her again.","Howard: Good idea. Sit with her, hold her, comfort her, and if the moment feels right, see if you can cop a feel.","Leonard: I'm not going to do that, Howard.","Sheldon: I'm not aware of any social convention that requires you to intervene at all.","Leonard: What about \"damsel in distress?\"","Sheldon: Twelfth century code of chivalry, not exactly current. You'd also have to be knighted for that to apply.","Leonard: I don't care. She's upset, I'm going over there.","Howard: Remember to sit on your hands a bit so they're warm.","Leonard: I'm her friend, I'm not going to take advantage of her vulnerability.","Howard: What, so you're saying that if in the depths of despair she throws herself at you and demands you take her, right there, right now, you'll just walk away?","Leonard: I said I'm her friend. Not her gay friend.","Scene: Penny's flat. Penny is eating ice cream from the tub.","Leonard (knocking and entering): Hey, listen, I know you said that you didn't want to talk...","Penny: I don't.","Leonard (leaving): Sorry.","Penny: Wait.","Leonard: Wait, did you say wait?","Penny: Tell me the truth. Am I just an idiot who picks giant losers?","Leonard: No. No.","Penny: Okay, so I pick good guys, but turn them into losers.","Leonard: Of course not.","Penny: Well, it's got to be one or the other, which is it?","Leonard: I'm sorry, what were the choices again?","Penny: I really thought Mike was different, I thought he was sensitive and smart. I mean, not you smart, normal non-freaky smart.","Leonard: Yeah, no, sure.","Penny: You know, and then he just goes and has to humiliate me by writing about me on his blog so the entire world can read it.","Leonard: Actually it's not all that easy to find.","Penny: Yeah, really, well my friends at work found it, my sister found it, judging by my email a number of prisoners at the Michigan State Penitentiary found it.","Leonard: Okay, well, what exactly did this guy write, not that I need to know the details of your s*x life, I just thought.... never mind.","Penny: Nope, you know what, you might as well read it, everybody else has, go ahead. Oh God, I just feel so betrayed and embarrassed. I just want to crawl into a hole and die.","Leonard: Okay, well, you know, this isn't that bad. It just paints the picture of a very affectionate woman who's open to expressing her affection in non traditional locales.","Penny: Oh God!","Leonard: Elevators, parks, movie theatres, out of curiosity, is this subway the transportation system or subway the sandwich shop?","Penny: Sandwich shop.","Leonard: Doesn't that violate the health code?","Penny: No, at the sub shop we were only making out.","Leonard: Huh. Okay. But my point is that you have absolutely no reason to be embarrassed.","Penny: Really, do you think I overreacted?","Leonard: Maybe a little.","Penny: 'Cause I do that, I do overreact. Maybe I should call Mike and apologise.","Leonard: No. No, no, that, that would be underreacting. He did break the implied confidentiality of the bedroom and, in your case, the elevator, parks and fast food franchise.","Penny: Yes. You're right. I should just say I'm done with him.","Leonard: Yes, you should, go ahead, say it.","Penny: But I never gave the man a chance to explain.","Leonard: What is there to explain, it's all right here, it's a betrayal.","Penny: No, you were right the first time, this is a man who loves me, but in his own stupid way he was just trying to show people how he feels.","Leonard: I'm pretty sure I never said that.","Penny: No, you did better than that, you helped me see it on my own.","Leonard: Aw, good for me. Where are you going?","Penny: I'm going over to Mike's. Leonard, thank you so much.","Leonard: Oh, sure. Huh, maybe I am her gay friend.","Scene: The apartment. The guys are playing a board game and eating Chinese food.","Sheldon: Howard, I'm going to need another Mandarin lesson. I obviously didn't make my point with those people.","Howard: For God's sake, Sheldon, if you don't like the tangerine chicken, don't order the tangerine chicken.","Sheldon: I like tangerine chicken, I'm not getting tangerine chicken.","Leonard: Can we please change the subject.","Raj: Sure. Tell us again how you screwed up and got Penny back together with her old boyfriend.","Leonard: Just roll the dice.","Raj (rolls and moves): Enslaved by warlocks, stay here till you roll 2, 4 or 6...7","Leonard: She was mad at him. She was done with him, the relationship was broken beyond repair and I walked over there and I fixed it!","Howard: Boy, that story gets better every time you hear it.","Sheldon: Actually, I thought the first two renditions were far more compelling. Previously I felt sympathy for the Leonard character, now I just find him to be whiny and annoying.","Leonard: Just eat your tangerine chicken.","Sheldon: I'd love to, but I don't have tangerine chicken.","Penny (storming in): Thank you so much for your stupid advice. (Slams door again.)","Raj: Incredible. You managed to screw up the screw-up.","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Leonard (knocking and entering): I'm back.","Penny: I'm sorry I yelled at you. It's not your fault.","Leonard: What happened?","Penny: Well, I went over to Mike's to make up with him.","Leonard: Yeah, I know, I know that part.","Penny: But he had already moved on.","Leonard: Already, that was quick.","Penny: That's what I said to the woman who had her legs wrapped around his neck.","Leonard: Oh, Penny, I am so sorry.","Penny: How could he do that.","Leonard: Oh, well, you know, you did throw an 8 gig iPod... yeah, no, how could he do that.","Penny: I swear to God, I am done with guys like that. You know, macho, with the perfect body and the hair, and the money.","Leonard: Yeah, that must get old quick.","Penny: You know, just once, I would like to go out with someone who is nice, and honest, and who actually cares about me.","Leonard: What about me?","Penny: What about you what?","Leonard: What about if you went out with me?","Penny: Are you asking me out?","Leonard: Um... yes... I am... asking you out.","Penny: Wow.","Leonard: I was just going off your comment about the nice guy...","Penny: No, I know, I got that. Yeah, totally.","Leonard (continuing through Penny): ...thing and honest but, it's no big deal...","Penny: Yes.","Leonard: Yes what?","Penny: Yes, I will go out with you.","Leonard: Really?","Penny: Yeah. Why not, I mean, what do I have to lose?","Leonard: Yeah. That's the spirit.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene: The lobby. Sheldon is listening to an iPod.","Sheldon: Show me your citrus peels. Gei wo kan, ni jud di zi pei. Show me your citrus peels. Gei wo kan, ni jud di zi pei. Show me your...","Penny (tapping him on the shoulder): Sheldon.","Sheldon (jumping in panic): Aieee ya! Xia si wo le.","Penny: I'm sorry. Look, do you have a second.","Sheldon: A second what? Pair of underwear?","Penny: I was just wondering if I could talk to you? It's about Leonard.","Sheldon: Why me? Why not Koothrappali or Wolowitz?","Penny: Well, Raj can't talk to me unless he's drunk, and Wolowitz is, you know, disgusting.","Sheldon: Yes, I suppose he is.","Penny: All I'm saying is, you know Leonard the best.","Sheldon: Not necessarily. I'm often surprised by my lack of familiarity with Leonard. Just the other day I discovered, he not only has a loofah, he hides it. Why do you suppose a man would be ashamed of having a loofah? I myself prefer to have my excess epithelial cells slough off naturally, but I don't condemn those who seek to accelerate the process. (Time shift) And until recently I had no idea that despite his lactose intolerance, he can tolerate small amounts of non-fat ice cream without producing a noxious gas that I maintain in the right concentration could be weaponised. (Begins to unlock apartment door.)","Penny: Leonard might come home, can we talk in my apartment.","Sheldon: We're not done?","Penny: No.","Sheldon: Ach, why not? We're already through the looking glass anyway.","Penny: Okay, so, here's the thing. I guess you're aware that Leonard asked me out.","Sheldon: Well, he didn't actually say anything, but when he came back to the apartment he was doing a dance that brought to mind the happy hippos in Fantasia.","Penny: Oh, that's nice. Anyhow, the thing I wanted to talk to you about is, you know, since Leonard and I have become friends, I was just... want to sit down?","Sheldon: Oh, I wish it were that simple. You see, I don't spend much time here and so I've never really chosen a place to sit.","Penny: Well, choose.","Sheldon: There are a number of options and, I'm really not familiar enough with the cushion densities, air flow patterns and dispersion of sunlight to make an informed choice.","Penny: Alright, why don't you just pick one at random, and then if you don't like it you can sit somewhere else next time.","Sheldon: No, no, that's crazy. You go ahead and talk while I figure it out.","Penny: Okay. Um, here's the thing. So, I've known for a while now that Leonard has had a little crush on me...","Sheldon: A little crush? Well I suppose so, in the same way Menelaus had a little crush on Helen of Troy.","Penny: Alright, yeah, I don't really know who they are...","Sheldon: Well Menelaus was the brother of Agamemnon...","Penny: Yeah, I don't care, I don't care. The point is Leonard isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with.","Sheldon: Leonard isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with. Would you be open to rotating the couch clockwise thirty degrees?","Penny: No. What I'm saying is, Leonard might be different in a good way. Obviously my usual choices have not worked out so well.","Sheldon: The last one worked out well for Koothrappali. He got a free iPod. Oh, glare!","Penny: But on the other hand, if things don't go well with Leonard, I risk losing a really good friend. I mean, I guess he's not looking for a fling, he's the kind of guy that gets into a relationship for, I don't know, like you would say light years.","Sheldon: I would not say that. No-one would say that, a light year is a unit of distance, not time.","Penny: Thank you for the clarification.","Sheldon: Draft. You see people hear the word year and they think duration. Foot pound has the same problem, that's a unit of work, not of weight.","Penny: Right, thanks.","Sheldon: It's a common mistake.","Penny: Not the first one I've made today.","Sheldon: Okay. I think this will be my seat.","Penny: Sheldon, do you have anything to say that has anything to do with, you know, what I'm talking about.","Sheldon: Well, let's see. We might consider Schrodinger's Cat.","Penny: Schrodinger? Is that the woman in 2A?","Sheldon: No. That's Mrs Grossinger. And she doesn't have a cat, she has a Mexican hairless, annoying little animal, yip yip yip yip...","Penny: Sheldon!","Sheldon: Sorry, you diverted me. Anyway, in 1935, Erwin Schrodinger, in an attempt to explain the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum physics, he proposed an experiment where a cat is placed in a box with a sealed vial of poison that will break open at a random time. Now, since no-one knows when or if the poison has been released, until the box is opened, the cat can be thought of as both alive and dead.","Penny: I'm sorry, I don't get the point.","Sheldon: Well of course you don't get it, I haven't made it yet. You'd have to be psychic to get it, and there's no such thing as psychic.","Penny: Sheldon, what's the point?","Sheldon: Just like Schrodinger's Cat, your potential relationship with Leonard right now can be thought of as both good and bad. It is only by opening the box that you'll find out which it is.","Penny: Okay, so you're saying I should go out with Leonard.","Sheldon: No, no, no, no, no, no. Let me start again. In 1935, Erwin Schrodinger...","Scene: The University cafeteria.","Leonard (pointing): Two seats right there. Sheldon (to two oriental-looking people occupying the other seats): Chong sho sha pwe. (Caption translates to \"Long Live Concrete\".) Xie xie. (Thank you)","Leonard: Sheldon, I think I've made a mistake.","Sheldon: I can see that. Unless you're planning on running a marathon, choosing both stuffing and mashed potatoes is a starch filled redundancy.","Leonard: No, it's about Penny.","Sheldon: A mistake involving Penny? Okay, you'll have to narrow it down.","Leonard: I don't think I can go out with her tonight.","Sheldon: Then don't.","Leonard: Other people would say \"why not?\"","Sheldon: Other people might be interested.","Leonard: I'm going to talk anyway.","Sheldon: I assumed you would.","Leonard: Now that I'm actually about to go out with Penny, I'm not excited, I'm nauseous.","Sheldon: Ah, then your meal choice is appropriate. Starch absorbs fluid which reduces the amount of vomit available for violent expulsion.","Leonard: Right.","Sheldon: You also made a common grammatical mistake, you said nauseous when you meant nauseated. But go on.","Leonard: Sheldon, this date is probably my one chance with Penny, what happens if I blow it.","Sheldon: Well, if we accept your premise, and also accept the highly improbable assumption that Penny is the only woman in the world for you then we can logically conclude that the result of blowing it would be that you end up a lonely, bitter old man with no progeny. The image of any number of evil lighthouse keepers from Scooby Doo cartoons comes to mind.","Leonard: You're not helping.","Sheldon: Alright, what response on my part would bring this conversation to a speedy conclusion?","Leonard: Tell me whether or not to go through with the date.","Sheldon: Schrodinger's Cat.","Leonard: Wow, that's brilliant.","Sheldon: You sound surprised. Mmm, hou zi shui zai li du. (Your monkey sleeps inside me.)","Scene: Leonard approaches Penny's door. He is wearing a suit. He knocks. Penny answers.","Penny: Hi.","Leonard: Hi.","Penny: come on in.","Leonard: Thank you. You look very nice.","Penny: Thank you. So do you.","Leonard: I made an eight o'clock reservation.","Penny: Okay, great, listen, um, maybe we should talk first.","Leonard: Oh. Okay. But before you say anything, have you ever heard of Schrodinger's Cat?","Penny: Actually, I've heard far too much about Schrodinger's Cat.","Leonard: Good. (He grabs her and kisses her.)","Penny: Alright, the cat's alive, let's go to dinner.","Scene: The Szechuan Palace.","Sheldon (in Mandarin): Show me your mucus! Your mucus!","Owner (in Mandarin): Blow your own nose and go away.","Sheldon (in Mandarin): This is not a tangerine bicycle.","Owner (in English): Crazy man. Call the police.","Sheldon (in Mandarin): No. Don't call the library. Show me your mucus. (Leonard and Penny are seen entering, and then leaving again quickly.) Oxen are in my bed! Many, many oxen! Oy Vey!"],"Show Title":"The Big Bang Theory","Episode Number":"01x17","Episode Title":"The Tangerine Factor","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Big_Bang_Theory_02x08.json","Recap":["Howard meets Dr. Stephanie Barnett at a bar and invites her to the Jet Propulsion Laboratory to drive the Mars rover, but his plan fails when the rover gets stuck in a Martian ditch; he has Leonard smuggle his unauthorized lady visitor out of the building. She immediately likes Leonard, much preferring him to Howard, and makes out with him in his car. Howard subsequently destroys all security tapes and hard drives relating to the mission. Later, Stephanie tells Howard that she has started dating Leonard, but Howard forgives the pair when she invites him to meet her friend Lisa on a double date. In the end, Howard hears on TV news that the rover found water on Mars at the bottom of the ditch, but because he had all the security data destroyed, it could not be determined who was responsible for the discovery. Meanwhile, Sheldon and Raj play a game of rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock, \"The Lizard-Spock Expansion\" of the traditional rock-paper-scissors game, to decide who gets to watch what on TV, but they both choose Spock. They, along with Howard, then play the game for Leonard's dumpling. When, again, all choose Spock, they conclude that someone must stop playing Spock. They try to determine who by playing the game but, yet again, all choose Spock."],"Transcript":["cene: The apartment.","Sheldon: Oh look, Saturn 3 is on.","Raj: I don't want to watch Saturn 3. Deep Space Nine is better.","Sheldon: How is Deep Space Nine better than Saturn 3?","Raj: Simple subtraction will tell you it's six better.","Leonard: Compromise. Watch Babylon 5.","Sheldon: In what sense is that a compromise?","Leonard: Well, five is partway between three... Never mind.","Raj: I'll tell you what, how about we go rock-paper-scissors?","Sheldon: Ooh, I don't think so. No, anecdotal evidence suggests that in the game of rock-paper-scissors, players familiar with each other will tie 75 to 80% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes. I suggest rock-paper-scissors- lizard-Spock.","Raj: What?","Sheldon: It's very simple. Look, scissors cuts paper. Paper covers rock. Rock crushes lizard. Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes scissors. Scissors decapitates lizard. Lizard eats paper. Paper disproves Spock. Spock vaporizes rock. And as it always has, rock crushes scissors.","Raj: Okay, I think I got it. (They prepare)","Together: Rock-paper-scissors- lizard-Spock! (Both hold up the symbol for Spock) Oh! Howard (entering, wearing an eye patch): Hello, boys.","Leonard: Ahoy, matey.","Howard: Noticed the eye patch, did you? It's all part of a technique I've been studying for picking up women. You employ a visual display designed to make yourself distinctive and memorable.","Sheldon: Oh yes, like the male peacock with brilliant plumage or the rutting baboon with engorged hindquarters.","Leonard: Or in this case, the bar mitzvah boy with pinkeye.","Howard: Mock me if you will, but it works. You show up at a club in something distinctive, scope out your target and toss out some negs.","Raj: What are negs?","Howard: A neg is a negative compliment that throws a pretty woman off her game, like \"Normally, I'm not turned on by big teeth, but on you, they work.\" I've got a whole list of 'em. Who wants to be my wingman?","Leonard: You're not gonna need wingman, you're gonna need a paramedic.","Penny (entering): Howard, your scooter's blocking my car. Aw, did you get pinkeye again?","Howard: Step one, she notices the eye patch. May I say, Penny, not a lot of women could look as hot as you do with such greasy hair? (She reaches out, pulls his eye patch away from his face, then lets go allowing the elastic to spring it back into place.)","Penny: Yeah, just move your stupid scooter before I pick it up and throw it in the dumpster.","Howard: Ow. Credits sequence.","Scene: The same.","Sheldon: I'm sorry, but I'm not going to watch the Clone Wars TV series until I've seen the Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended.","Leonard: Well, I want to watch it now.","Sheldon: Then I believe we've arrived at another quintessential rock-paper-scissors- lizard-Spock moment.","Leonard: Watch whatever you want.","Raj: I saw what you did there.","Sheldon: What did I do?","Leonard (answering phone): Hello. Hey, Howard. What's wrong? Okay. Okay, we'll be right there.","Sheldon: What happened?","Leonard: Howard's at the Mars Rover lab. He says he's in trouble. Defcon 5.","Sheldon: Defcon 5? Well, there's no need to rush.","Leonard: What?","Sheldon: Defcon 5 means no danger. Defcon 1 is a crisis.","Leonard: How can 5 not be worse than 1?","Raj: Yeah, Star Trek V, worse than I.","Sheldon: Okay, first of all, that's a comparison of quality, not intensity. Secondly, Star Trek I is orders-of-magnitude worse than Star Trek V.","Raj: Are you joking? Star Trek V is the standard against which all badness is measured.","Sheldon: No, no, no. Star Trek V has specific failures in writing and direction, while Star Trek I fails across the board, art direction, costuming, music, sound editing.","Leonard: Can we just forget I said Defcon and go?","Raj: Star Trek V!","Scene: A corridor at the university","Sheldon: All right, will you at least stipulate that Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home is inarguably the best?","Raj: I have three words for you. Wrath of Khan.","Howard: Oh, thank God, you're here.","Leonard: What's the emergency?","Howard: I got the Mars Rover stuck in a ditch.","Sheldon: Where?","Howard: On a dusty highway just outside Bakersfield. Where do you think? On Mars!","Woman (peering out of door): Howard, is everything okay?","Howard: Yeah, baby, I'll be right in.","Sheldon: You brought a girl to the Mars Rover control room?","Howard: Yeah, I picked her up in the bar. She's a doctor. One free barium enema and my mother won't care she's not Jewish.","Leonard: Wait a minute, so the eye patch and the insults worked?","Howard: No, there were three other guys with eye patches, iIt was a fiasco. What did work was, \"How'd you like to visit a secret government facility?\"","Sheldon: So what exactly do you want us to do?","Howard: I need you and Raj to help me get the Rover out of the ditch, and I need you to get Stephanie out before somebody notices she's here. She doesn't exactly have clearance.","Sheldon: Really? They don't let strange women from honky-tonks come in and play with $200million government projects on distant planets?","Howard: Yes, I was bad. Maybe she'll spank me. Can we please move on?","Girl: Hey, Howard, you know, it's getting late, so do I get to drive this thing or what?","Howard: Yeah. No. I'm sorry, but something's come up. Kind of a Mars Rover, Mars Rover, can Howard come over, situation. So my friend Leonard is gonna take you home.","Girl: Oh, okay. Let's go, friend Leonard.","Leonard: Okay.","Howard: I'll call ya.","Girl: Yeah. So are you a scientist like Howard?","Leonard: No one's a scientist like Howard.","Howard: My mother is so gonna love her.","Sheldon: Oh, how nice. Maybe they can carpool when they visit you in federal prison.","Scene: Leonard's car. Leonard and the girl are kissing.","Girl: I'm sorry. I totally interrupted you. What, what, what were you saying?","Leonard: Just said Howard's a terrific guy. He's got a great sense of humour, he loves his mother, a lot, some people say too much.","Girl: I really like that you're such a loyal friend.","Leonard: Yeah, I am loyal. You know, if you look at the big picture. Just, out of curiosity, did he ever have a shot with you?","Girl: Are you insane? The guy was wearing an eye patch.","Leonard: Then why did you?","Girl: He said that I could drive a car on Mars.","Leonard: Got it. So, can I see you again?","Girl: You're not gonna see me now.","Leonard: Ooh. Cool.","Scene: The Mars Rover control room.","Howard: Anything?","Raj: Actually, I was just checking my e-mail. But, uh, no, the Rover is not responding.","Sheldon: I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement and a Native American water vessel without any means of propulsion.","Howard: Hang on, there's got to be other options.","Raj: You could try calling Triple-A, but based on NASA's latest timetable, they won't get there for 35 years.","Sheldon: Plus I understand you have to be standing next to the vehicle with your card when they arrive.","Raj: Oh, snap.","Sheldon: Snap what?","Howard: OK, I guess we have to turn to Plan B.","Raj: What's Plan B?","Howard: Erase all the hard drives, scrap the surveillance tapes, wipe our fingerprints off every surface and run.","Sheldon: Why wasn't that Plan A?","Scene: The apartment.","Voice from television: REPORTER: A NASA spokesman states that due to the loss of data, they will most likely be unable to determine the cause of the Mars Rover's malfunction. This is not the first time an exploratory mission to Mars has ended in disappointment.","Howard: Thank God for Plan B.","Penny: Howard, didn't you say you worked on the Mars Rover?","Howard: No, you're mistaken.","Penny: Yeah, when we first met, you said that if I went out with you, I could drive a car on Mars.","Howard: I don't know what you're talking about.","Leonard: Psst! Psst!","Sheldon: Will you all excuse me? Leonard is subtly signalling that he'd like to talk to me in private.","Penny: No. Yeah, I remember specifically. You started by asking if I was from Mars because my ass was out of this world.","Howard: Well, that does sound like me, but no.","Sheldon: Is there some problem?","Leonard: Yeah. Listen, I have to kinda sneak out for a while.","Sheldon: All right, goodbye.","Leonard: No, wait! If anyone asks you where I went, you don't know.","Sheldon: Where are you going?","Leonard: I can't tell you that.","Sheldon: Who would ask me?","Leonard: I can't tell you that, either.","Sheldon: So you brought me in here to inform me that you can't tell me where you're going and you can't tell me who might ask?","Leonard: Yeah, I really didn't think this through.","Sheldon: Leonard, a moment.","Leonard: What?","Sheldon: If someone, and of course, we don't know who this would be, does ask where you've gone, what should I say?","Leonard: I don't know. Just tell them I went to the office.","Sheldon: Are you going to the office?","Leonard: No.","Sheldon: Then how can I say it convincingly?","Leonard: Just say, Leonard went to the office.","Sheldon: All right. Leonard went to (exaggerated) the office.","Leonard: What is? No, not like that! Just, Leonard went to the office.","Sheldon: This would have worked out a lot better if you'd just told me you were going the office.","Leonard: I'm going to the office.","Sheldon: See? Why don't I believe you?","Leonard: I'm going out for a while.","Howard: Okay.","Sheldon: Doesn't anyone want to know where he's going?","Penny: Okay, where is he going?","Sheldon: Leonard is going to (exaggerated) the office.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene: The girl's apartment.","Leonard: So how was work today?","Girl: Busy. I removed an appendix, a gall bladder and about a foot and a half of bowel.","Leonard: I'm hoping that's three different guys.","Girl: No, just the one. He didn't make it. So, how was your day?","Leonard: Oh, you know, I'm a physicist, so, I thought about stuff.","Girl: That's it?","Leonard: Well, I wrote some of it down.","Girl: Are you done eating?","Leonard: Uh, yeah.","Girl: Oh, good. (Kisses him)","Leonard: If I knew you were waiting, I would've swallowed that lasagna whole.","Phone rings. Answering machine: You've reached Dr. Stephanie Barnett. Leave a message. Beep.","Howard (voice): Hey, Steph, it's me again, Howard. Listen, if you're free Friday, maybe we could have a little something to eat at my place. My mom cooks a hell of a brisket. Let me know. It's Howard.","Leonard: I've had her brisket. Melts in your mouth. Time shift","Steph: Maybe we should think about going to the bedroom.","Leonard: That's a good idea. There's a bed in there, and I'm very, very, very pro-bed.","Phone rings. Answering machine: You've reached Dr. Stephanie Barnett. Leave a message. Beep.","Howard (voice): Hey, it's me again. Just want to let you know the head count for dinner Friday has gone up. My Aunt Betty and Uncle Elliot are coming in from Palm Springs. Oh, and if anybody should ask, you're half-Jewish on your mother's side. Okay, call me. It's Howard.","Leonard: Don't you think we should tell him you're not interested?","Steph: Do you want me to stop and call him back right now?","Leonard: Dear God, no! Time shift","Steph (from bedroom door): Oh, Leonard...","Phone rings. Answering machine: You've reached Dr. Stephanie Barnett. Leave a message. Beep.","Howard (voice): Hey, it's me again. Howard. Listen, my cousins from Fort Lauderdale are flying in to meet you so that means we're gonna have to move the dinner to a restaurant.","Howard's Mother (voice): Tell her we're going to the Olive Garden! I have a coupon from the paper.","Howard (voice): We're not going to the Olive Garden, Mom!","Howard's Mother (voice): Oh, Mr. Bigshot with his Red Lobster.","Howard (voice): I'll call you back when we firm up the details. It's Howard.","Scene: The laundry room","Penny: Oh, hey.","Leonard: Hey.","Penny: New shirts?","Leonard: Yeah, a couple.","Penny: Nice.","Leonard: Thank you.","Penny: So, who's the girl?","Leonard: I'm sorry?","Penny: Well, last time you bought a new shirt was when we were dating.","Leonard: So, uh, what we did was in fact dating?","Penny: Well, yeah, we did have a date.","Leonard: Exactly. Thank you. Do me a favour, tell Koothrappali that next time you see him.","Penny: So, who is she?","Leonard: Oh, she's a doctor.","Penny: Oh, nice. A doctor doctor, or a you kind of doctor?","Leonard: Doctor doctor. Surgical resident. Smart, pretty. Let me ask you something. If your friend thinks he's dating someone, but he's not because, in fact, you're dating her, does that make you a bad person?","Penny: Well, that depends.","Leonard: On what?","Penny: Is that friend Wolowitz?","Leonard: Yeah.","Penny: Screw him. You're fine.","Leonard: Are you sure?","Penny: Well, have you slept with her yet? You dog! Good for you.","Leonard: Does that change things?","Penny: No.","Leonard: So why'd you ask?","Penny: I'm nosy. See ya.","Scene: Outside Howard's front door.","Howard's Mother (voice): Howard, get the door!","Howard (voice): Really? Is that what you do when someone knocks? Thank you. I had no idea! (opening door) Hey, buddy. What brings you to my little slice of hell?","Howard's Mother (voice): Who is it?!","Howard: It's Leonard!","Howard's Mother (voice): You're gonna have to play outside! I'm not dressed to receive!","Howard: No one cares, Ma! So, what's up?","Leonard: Listen, I need to talk to you about something.","Howard (his phone rings): Momentito. Yello. Oh, Stephanie, thanks for calling me back. I was worried... Oh... Uh-huh... Uh-huh... Uh-huh... No, I understand... Sure, we can be friends. Absolutely. Thanks for calling. Yeah, you have a nice day, too. (To Leonard) You are dead to me.","Scene: The apartment","Raj: Okay, who gets the extra dumpling?","All: Rock-paper-scissors- lizard-Spock.","Sheldon: Okay, one of us is going to have to stop putting up Spock.","Howard: How do we decide that?","All: Rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock. Oh!","Leonard: Oh, hey, guys.","Sheldon: Hello.","Raj: Hey.","Leonard: Hi, Howard. Howard?","Howard: Sheldon.","Sheldon: Howard is employing a schoolyard paradigm in which you are, for all intents and purposes, deceased. He intends to act on this by not speaking to you, feigning an inability to hear you when you speak and otherwise refusing to acknowledge your existence.","Leonard: That's just ridiculous. Why are you cooperating with him?","Sheldon: I don't make the rules, Leonard.","Leonard: Howard, come on, I didn't plan on this. These things just happen. Usually not to me, but they do happen.","Howard: Did someone just feel a cold breeze?","Sheldon: I believe this is an extension of the death metaphor. The cold breeze is the so-called ectoplasmic issue of a disembodied soul passing by.","Raj: You know, screw it, I'm just gonna eat the dumpling.","Leonard (answering door): Oh, hi, Steph, come on in.","Steph: Is this a bad time?","Leonard: Yeah, but I don't see a better one on the horizon, so...","Howard: Oh, if it isn't Mrs. Dead to Me.","Steph: Hello, Howard.","Howard: Sheldon?","Sheldon: Look I'm sorry, you violated the terms of your metaphor by acknowledging her existence. I'm out.","Leonard: He just won't listen to me.","Steph: Okay, I guess it'll just be the three of us then.","Leonard: Hmm. Lisa's gonna be disappointed.","Steph: Yeah.","Howard: Lisa?","Steph: Yeah, my roommate. She just went through a really bad breakup and I thought she might like to meet somebody fun like you.","Howard: Leonard, Stephanie, you're alive, it's a miracle!","Scene: The apartment kitchen. Howard is on the phone.","Howard: So, anyway, Lisa, I just wanted to tell you again how much I enjoyed the other night, and again, I'm sorry for how it ended. But again, if you could let me know about Friday. My mother needs a head count so she can know how big a brisket to get.","Leonard: Howard, Howard, look at this.","Howard: Anyway, call me. It's Howard.","Voice from TV: The possibility of life on Mars has long fascinated scientists and laypersons alike. It's unclear how the Mars Rover got into the crevice, but one thing's certain, the data which it has sent back contain the first clear indications that there may have been life on Mars. It's a scientific discovery that has staggering implications for all mankind. Unfortunately, we'll never know who's responsible.","Howard: Son of a bitch."],"Show Title":"The Big Bang Theory","Episode Number":"02x08","Episode Title":"The Lizard-Spock Expansion","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Big_Bang_Theory_03x08.json","Recap":["Sheldon, despite never having driven a car before, is forced to drive Penny to the hospital after she slips in the shower. Leonard, Raj and Howard go on a camping trip to watch the Leonid meteor shower, but all succumb to the effects of \"magic\" cookies given to them by Deadhead campers nearby, causing them to blurt out weird secrets including Howard losing his virginity to his second cousin and they forget about the meteor shower."],"Transcript":["Scene: A camp site.","Howard: How much time do we have?","Leonard: Uh, t-minus five hours, 37 minutes to onset of meteor shower.","Raj: Okay, our position is 34.48 degrees north, 118.31 west. That means the azimuth should be 168.22 degrees relative to magnetic north with an elevation of 49.93.","Howard: Anything yet?","Leonard: Uh, we have a signal, but there's no frame lock.","Howard: Hang on, how about now?","Raj: We did it. We have the west coast feed of HBO.","Howard: Ooh, Real s*x.","Raj: Big deal. Every time I watch that show it's old women putting condoms on cucumbers.","Howard: Alright, let's see what's on the east coast feed.","Leonard: Oh, hey. Dune.","Raj: Not a great movie, but look at that beautiful desert.","Leonard: Too bad Sheldon couldn't come with us.","Raj: Yes, it's not the same without him. (They all laugh)","Howard: Oh, this sucks, I'm switching back to Real s*x.","Scene: The apartment.","Sheldon: Sheldon's log, stardate 63345.3. While my colleagues are off observing the Leonid meteor shower, I have remained behind to complete my paper on the decays of highly excited massive string states. Although my research is going well I do miss the warmth of human companionship. (He laughs) Credits sequence.","Scene: The apartment.","Sheldon: And good evening to you, Siam Palace. This is Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I'm going to be dining alone this evening, so I'll be reducing my usual order. I'd like to start with one quarter of the assorted appetizers plate and, uh, one half of the golden treasure for two. Oh, for heaven's sake, in the mid-18th century, King Rama IV of Siam divided a huge empire amongst the colonial powers of Europe in order to preserve his throne. Surely, you, his cultural descendant, can handle pad thai and dumplings.","Penny (voice off): Sheldon help!","Sheldon: I need to go, but you keep in mind that my sharply worded comments on yelp.com recently took down a local muffin store. (At Penny's door, knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny..","Penny: Come in! Hurry!","Sheldon: Penny?","Penny: I'm back here.","Sheldon: (At Penny's bedroom door, knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny..","Penny: Oh, for god's sakes, I'm in the bathroom!","Sheldon: Shall I come back at a better time?","Penny: Get in here! Hurry! Don't you dare knock.","Sheldon: Hello.","Penny: I slipped in the shower, and I think I dislocated my shoulder.","Sheldon: Not surprising. You have no safety mat or adhesive stickers to allow for purchase on a surface with a low coefficient of static friction.","Penny: What?","Sheldon: Tubs are slippery.","Penny: I know. I slipped.","Sheldon: I have a series of whimsical duck stickers on the bottom of my tub.","Penny: Yeah, okay, whatever. Will you just turn the water off and help me up?","Sheldon: They're holding umbrellas.","Penny: What?","Sheldon: The ducks in my tub.","Penny: Uh-huh.","Sheldon: They're whimsical because ducks have neither the need for, nor the ability to use umbrellas.","Penny: Oh, my god. I got to go to the emergency room.","Sheldon: Well, assuming you're correct that your right humerus is no longer seated in the glenoid socket, I would certainly think so.","Penny: Okay, can you drive me?","Sheldon: I don't drive.","Penny: Well, I can't drive!","Sheldon: Well, it seems we've reached an impasse.","Penny: Ow.","Sheldon: But I could call you a cab or an ambulance.","Penny: No, no, no, I can't wait that long, you got to help me, please.","Sheldon: All right. Let it never be said that Sheldon Lee Cooper ignored the pleas of a damsel in distress.","Penny: No one's saying that. Let's go.","Sheldon: Well, it does seem rather ironic that for want of 99-cent adhesive ducks, we both might die in a fiery car crash.","Scene: The camp site.","Leonard: I wish Penny didn't have to work, she loves camping.","Raj: Yeah, that would have been great. You and Penny having s*x in the tent while I sit out here and watch Howard hump a cactus.","Howard: Okay, the best I can tell, there are eight other campsites nearby. Mostly science nerds like us, but just over yon ridge are two not unattractive middle school teachers who reek of desperation.","Raj: Wow. Wonderful. How old are they?","Howard: Oh I don't know, 50, 55.","Raj: Oh, menopause, nature's birth control.","Leonard: Come on, you guys can't be that hard up.","Howard: I am.","Raj: Yeah, me, too.","Howard: Look, they gave me homemade cookies.","Leonard: Of course, they did. That's what grandmothers do.","Raj: So, what are we waiting for?","Howard: Relax, I said we'd stop by a little later after they have their nap.","Raj: Good idea. They'll be refreshed.","Howard: Cookie?","Raj: Yeah, thank you. Mmmm.","Leonard: Mmmm, not bad.","Raj: Yeah, very tasty. Well, so tell me more about these teachers.","Howard: Not much to tell. They had a VW Microbus and were wearing tie-dyed Grateful Dead shirts.","Raj: Huh. Mmm. Good cookies.","Scene: Penny's bedroom.","Sheldon: I see no organizational system in here whatsoever. Which panties do you wear on Mondays?","Penny: I don't need panties, I just need shorts and a shirt.","Sheldon: My mother always told me one should wear clean underpants in case one is in an accident.","Penny: One was already in an accident.","Sheldon: That doesn't mean one won't be in another, especially if I'm driving.","Penny: Clothes, Sheldon. I need clothes!","Sheldon: Okay, here.","Penny: Seriously? Those shorts with that top?","Sheldon: All right.","Penny: No... No... Oh, that's cute.","Sheldon: We should have you checked for a concussion.","Penny: Okay, now, you got to help me put these on.","Sheldon: All right.","Penny: But don't look.","Sheldon: Don't look?","Penny: I don't want you to see me naked.","Sheldon: Oh. Well, that's understandable. You may be interested to know that a prohibition against looking is well established in heroic mythology. Uh, Lot and his wife, Perseus and Medusa, Orpheus and Eurydice.","Penny: Yeah, great.","Sheldon: They always look. It never ends well.","Penny: Ok, now you gotta help me get my arm into the sleeve.","Sheldon: Ok.","Penny: Is that my arm?","Sheldon: It doesn't feel like an arm.","Penny: Then, maybe you should let it go.","Sheldon: All righty.","Scene: The camp site.","Leonard: Stars are pretty, aren't they?","Howard: Up above the world so high, like little diamonds in the sky.","Raj: That's beautiful, dude. You should... You should write that down before someone steals it.","Howard: So, when do the meteors get here?","Raj: The meteors don't get here, the earth is moving into their path.","Leonard: I can feel it. I can feel the earth moving. It's moving too fast. Raj, slow it down.","Raj: Okay, how's that?","Leonard: Better. Thanks.","Howard: Stars are pretty, aren't they?","Leonard: What's so funny?","Raj: It's your American accent. Everything you say sounds stupid. (With an American accent) Stars are pretty, aren't they?","Scene: Penny's car.","Sheldon: For the record, I should let you know this is my first time driving an actual motor vehicle.","Penny: You have your learner's permit, right?","Sheldon: Yes, and I have logged a considerable number of hours on a simulator.","Penny: Good.","Sheldon: Didn't work out well.","Penny: All right, can we please go?","Sheldon: One moment. According to my driver's ed book, a side mirror is properly adjusted when a portion of the is driver's door handle is visible in the lower right corner. There's the handle. Oh, no, too far, bringing it back. Optimized. Now, where is the switch to adjust the passenger side mirror?","Penny: It's right there.","Sheldon: Where is the passenger side mirror?","Penny: In a parking lot in Hollywood. Now, can we please go?","Sheldon: Yes. As soon as I adjust my seat. Whee! Oh, dear. I'm going to have to start again.","Scene: The camp site.","Raj: If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed, and I would be their king.","Leonard: I hate my name. It has nerd in it. Len nerd.","Howard: I lost my virginity to my cousin Jeanie.","Raj: I would be kind to my rabbit subjects. At first.","Leonard: You know what's a cool name? Angelo. That has angel and jell-o in it.","Howard: It was my Uncle Murray's funeral. We were all back at my Aunt Barbara's house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen.","Raj: One day, I hold a great ball for the President of France, but the rabbits, they hate me and don't come. I am embarrassed, so I eat all the lettuce in the world and make them watch.","Leonard: People could call me Angie. Yo, Angie, how's it goin'?","Howard: To this day, I can't look at pickled herring without being aroused and ashamed. Oh, cousin Jeanie.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene: Penny's car.","Penny: Could you please drive a little faster?","Sheldon: Oh, I think we're going sufficiently fast. What's that?","Penny: Nothing. The engine does that sometimes.","Sheldon: That can't be nothing, the check engine light is on. We need to find a service station.","Penny: No. The light has been on since I bought the car.","Sheldon: All the more reason to consult with a mechanic before it explodes.","Penny: It's not going to explode, just keep driving. Warp speed ahead, Mr. Spock.","Sheldon: Mr. Spock did not pilot the Enterprise. He was the science officer, and I guarantee you that if he ever saw the Enterprise's check engine light blinking, he would pull the ship over immediately.","Penny: Oh, god, I'm gonna lose the arm.","Sheldon: Oh, oh, red light, release accelerator and slowly apply the brake. Nailed it. While we have a moment, may I ask you a question?","Penny: What?","Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for soup tattooed on your right buttock?","Penny: It's not soup, it's courage.","Sheldon: No, it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.","Penny: How did you see it? You said you wouldn't look.","Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.","Scene: The camp site.","Howard: Anything?","Leonard: No. That was the last pudding cup.","Howard: No! What about Slim Jims?","Leonard: That's what he used to eat his pudding, remember?","Raj: Right! That was so good! Sweety and meaty at the same time.","Howard: Wait. Wait, wait. So you're saying we're out of food?","Leonard: The only thing in here are blue ice packs.","Raj: I know they're poison, but they look like big, yummy otter pops.","Leonard: Oh, god, I am so hungry.","Howard: Me too. Check and see if we have any more pudding.","Leonard: Okay.","Scene: The hospital waiting room.","Sheldon: All right, there's no need to bark at me. According to the inexplicably irritable nurse behind the desk, you'll be seen after the man who claims to be having a heart attack, but appears to be well enough to play Doodle Jump on his iPhone. We have to fill these out. Describe illness or injury.","Penny: I dislocated my shoulder.","Sheldon: All right. And how did the accident occur?","Penny: You ready know that.","Sheldon: Cause of accident, lack of adhesive ducks. Okay, medical history. Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?","Penny: No.","Sheldon: Kidney disease?","Penny: No.","Sheldon: Migraines?","Penny: Getting one.","Sheldon: Are you currently pregnant?","Penny: No.","Sheldon: Are you sure? You look a bit puffy.","Penny: Change migraine to yes.","Sheldon: When was your last menstrual period?","Penny: Oh, next question.","Sheldon: I'll put, in progress. Okay, moving to psychiatric disorders, list all major behavioural diagnoses, e.g. depression, anxiety, etcetera.","Penny: Oh, my god, what the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder?","Sheldon: Episodes of sub psychotic rage.","Penny: Ass.","Sheldon: Possible Tourette's. All right, moles, lesions or other skin conditions. Soup tattoo on right buttock.","Penny: Hey, Sheldon, Sheldon, look, I am scared and in a lot of pain. Could you please just take a break from being you for just a minute and try being, I don't know, comforting?","Sheldon: I'm sorry. There, there. Everything's going to be fine. Sheldon's here.","Penny: Thanks. That's much better.","Scene: The camp site.","Raj: Oh, I'm so hungry!","Leonard: Will you shut up? We're all hungry.","Howard: Okay, our objective is the boy scout campsite to the east. Easy target. Big doughy scout master, couple of cubs, most webelos.","Leonard: What kind of score are we looking at?","Howard: Hot dogs, buns, s'mores, I mean, it's a freaking 7-11.","Leonard: All right, everyone grab flashlights.","Howard: Oh, my god, could it be? Yes! My mother put an I love you brisket in my backpack.","Leonard: Quick, get forks.","Howard: You don't need forks. It's so tender, it falls apart in your hands.","Raj: He's right.","Leonard: I feel like we're forgetting something important.","Raj: Me, too. But what? (Behind them, the meteor shower has begun)","Howard: Maybe a tupperware bowl of roasted potatoes and carrots?","Leonard and Raj together: Yes! Yes!","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Sheldon: Now remember, you were given powerful pain medication and a muscle relaxer, so, uh, don't operate heavy machinery. Try not to choke on your own drool.","Penny: Wait. You have to help me get into bed. Sheldon has to get me into bed. Bet you never thought I'd say that.","Sheldon: Yes. The charm of your drug addled candour knows no bounds.","Penny: You know, people think you're this weird robot man who's so annoying all the time, and you totally are, but then it's like that movie Wall-E at the end. You're so full of love, and you can save a plant and get fat people out of the floaty chairs.","Sheldon: That's a fairly laboured metaphor, but I appreciate the sentiment behind it.","Penny: Sing \"Soft Kitty\" to me.","Sheldon: \"Soft Kitty\" is for when you're sick. You're not sick.","Penny: Injured and drugged is a kind of sick.","Sheldon (singing): Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur...","Penny: Wait, wait. Let's sing it as a round. I'll start. Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur... See that's where you come in. I'll start over. Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur... I've got all night, Sheldon. Soft kitty, warm kitty... (Sheldon joins in with the round) little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.","Scene: The camp site. Raj is telling a ghost story with the torch on his face.","Raj: ...And the next morning when he woke up, he rolled over and realized... duh-duh-duh! ...she was his cousin.","Howard: That's still not funny.","Raj (imitating him): That's still not funny.","Howard: And she was my second cousin.","Raj (imitating him): And she was my second cousin.","Howard: You're a real douche.","Raj: Who cares? You slept with your cousin."],"Show Title":"The Big Bang Theory","Episode Number":"03x08","Episode Title":"The Adhesive Duck Deficiency","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Big_Bang_Theory_03x10.json","Recap":["Howard becomes jealous of Leonard after Bernadette shows an interest in his work, causing friction in the relationship of all three. Penny becomes jealous over not being able to talk to Leonard about his job, and asks Sheldon to teach her about physics to mixed results."],"Transcript":["Scene: The apartment","Penny: Hey, Leonard, check this out. (Throws some food in the air and catches it in her mouth)","Sheldon: Leonard, she's doing it again.","Leonard: I think it upsets Sheldon when you play with the food.","Sheldon: No. It upsets Sheldon when she willy-nilly takes it from the containers without regard for its equitable distribution. This is essentially why you have famine in India.","Penny: You want me to put it back?","Sheldon: Leonard.","Leonard: It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.","Howard (arriving): What's up, my nerdizzles? Raj, Sheldon, I want you to meet my girlfriend Bernadette.","Sheldon: Hello.","Howard: Leonard, Penny, you know my girlfriend Bernadette.","Leonard: Yeah. Hey.","Howard: Bernadette, say fo'shizzle to my nerdizzles.","Bernadette: I don't think I can. I don't have Howard's street cred.","Howard: I hope it's all right, I told my girlfriend Bernadette she could join us for dinner.","Leonard: Sure. The more, the merrier.","Sheldon: Wait, no, that's a false equivalency. More does not equal merry. If there were 2,000 people in this apartment right now, would we be celebrating? No, we'd be suffocating.","Leonard: Sheldon...","Sheldon: Don't Sheldon me. We ordered for five people, not six.","Penny: Oh, come on, it's fine. We'll just put it all on the table, you know, family style.","Sheldon: Oh, sure. And while we're at it, why don't we put our hands behind our backs, have an old-fashioned eating contest?","Leonard: Relax, it'll be fine, sit down, you guys.","Everyone: NO!","Bernadette: What?","Penny: Oh, yeah, you can't sit there.","Bernadette: Why not?","Leonard: That's where Sheldon sits.","Bernadette: He can't sit somewhere else?","Penny: Oh no, no, you see, in the winter, that seat is close enough to the radiator so that he's warm, yet not so close that he sweats. In the summer, it's directly in the path of a cross-breeze created by opening windows there and there. It faces the television at an angle that isn't direct, so he can still talk to everybody, yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted.","Sheldon: Perhaps there's hope for you after all. Credits sequence.","Scene: A few moments later.","Bernadette: Ooh, I love your shoes.","Penny: Oh, thanks. They are cute, aren't they?","Bernadette: Where'd you get them?","Penny: Shoes for Less.","Bernadette: I've been meaning to go over there.","Penny: Oh, great selection, great prices.","Sheldon: My mother was right. Hell is real.","Howard: Come on, Sheldon. let the womenfolk chat.","Penny: Womenfolk?","Howard: Gals? Chicks? Utero-Americans?","Penny: Just eat your dinner.","Bernadette: Don't take him too seriously, a lot of what he says is intended as humour.","Penny: Yeah, well, I don't think it's very funny.","Bernadette: Me neither, but he just lights up when I laugh.","Penny: Howard, never let her go.","Bernadette: So, Leonard, Howard says you're working on fundamental tests of quantum mechanics.","Leonard: I am. Are you interested in physics?","Bernadette: Oh, I find it fascinating. If I hadn't gone into microbiology, I probably would have gone into physics. Or ice dancing.","Leonard: Actually, my tests of the Aharonov-Bohm quantum interference effect have reached an interesting point. Right now, we're testing the phase shift due to an electric potential.","Bernadette: That's amazing.","Sheldon: Yes. Leonard's work is nearly as amazing as third graders growing lima beans in wet paper towels. (Raj whispers to him) While I appreciate the oh, snap, I'm uncomfortable having your moist breath in my ear.","Bernadette: Are you going to try to set up the voltages using tunnel junctions?","Leonard: Yes, I am. You want to see a simulation on my laptop?","Bernadette: Oh, yeah, show me. In microbiology, the most exciting thing I get to work with is yeast.","Sheldon: Howard?","Howard: Yeah?","Sheldon: Your shoes are delightful. Where did you get them?","Howard: What?","Sheldon: Bazinga. I don't care.","Scene: The apartment. Sheldon and Raj are playing a racing game on the Wii.","Raj: Ha! Eat my dust, racially stereotypical plumber.","Sheldon: That's not fair. I got stuck behind a tree.","Raj: And a cow and a penguin. Face it dude, whether it's a real car or a virtual cartoon car, you can't drive.","Sheldon: Just need a little more practice.","Raj: What you need is cheat codes, motor skills and a magic genie who grants wishes to little boys who suck at Mario Kart.","Penny (knocking and entering): Hey, Sheldon, can I talk to you for a second?","Sheldon: It's not about shoes, is it? I don't think I could go through that again.","Penny: It's not about shoes.","Sheldon: Then speak.","Penny: Um, actually, can we do it in private?","Sheldon: All right. (To Raj) Go away. I agree, it's rude, but she asked for privacy.","Penny: Thanks, Raj. Okay, so here's the thing, I was wondering if you could maybe teach me a little physics?","Sheldon: A little physics? There's no such thing. Physics encompasses the entire universe, from quantum particles to supernovas, from spinning electrons to spinning galaxies.","Penny: Yeah, okay, cool. I don't need the PBS special, I just want to know enough so I can talk to Leonard about his job. You know, like Bernadette does.","Sheldon: Why can't Leonard teach you?","Penny: 'Cause I want to surprise him.","Sheldon: Can't you surprise him in some other way? For example, I'm sure he'd be delightfully taken aback if you cleaned your apartment.","Penny: Come on, Sheldon, this is important to me.","Sheldon: Penny, this would be a massive undertaking, and my time is both limited and valuable.","Penny: You're sitting here playing video games all day.","Sheldon: Okay, point. What sort of foundation do you have? Did you take any science classes in school?","Penny: Sure. I did the one with the frogs.","Sheldon: The one with the frogs.","Penny: Yeah, actually, it was pretty cool. A lot of the girls threw up, but I gutted that thing like a deer.","Sheldon: I'm sorry, Penny, I don't think so.","Penny: Oh, come on! A smart guy like you, it'll be a challenge. You can make it like an experiment.","Sheldon: Interesting. I suppose if someone could teach sign language to KoKo the gorilla, I could teach you some rudimentary physics.","Penny: Great! It's a little insulting, but great. I'll be KoKo.","Sheldon: Not likely. KoKo learned to understand over 2,000 words, not one of which had anything to do with shoes.","Scene: The university cafeteria.","Howard: Hey, fellas. This is my girlfriend Bernadette. My girlfriend Bernadette.","Bernadette: Who are all those people?","Howard: Have no idea. Hey, Leonard.","Bernadette: Hi.","Leonard: Hey, look, it's Howard and his girlfriend Bernadette.","Howard: Thought I'd give the little woman a tour of the old salt mines.","Bernadette: He doesn't mean salt mines. He means where he works.","Leonard: Yeah, no, I got it.","Bernadette: So, how's your experiment going?","Leonard: Ah, terrific. We're getting the electron accelerator set up. We should be ready to go day after tomorrow.","Bernadette: Boy, I'd love to see that.","Leonard: You're welcome to come.","Bernadette: Really? Oh, that'd be great. How exciting is that?","Howard: Like Hanukkah in July.","Bernadette: Do they have that?","Howard: No.","Bernadette: Oh. You got me again. This isn't non-fat yogurt, this is fatty fat fat. Excuse me.","Howard: Could you grab me another napkin, sweetie?","Bernadette: Sure.","Howard: Thanks, honey. (She goes) All right, what is your deal?","Leonard: Excuse me?","Howard: Inviting my girlfriend to come see your electron accelerator?","Leonard: Yeah? So?","Howard: Wow! You really are a piece of work. It's not enough you get the prom queen, you have to get the head of the decorating committee, too?","Leonard: What are you talking about?","Howard: Don't play innocent with me. I practically invented using fancy lab equipment to seduce women.","Leonard: Has it ever worked?","Howard: Not so far, but that's not the point!","Leonard: Howard, relax, I'm not interested in your girlfriend.","Howard: I hope not, because you don't want to mess with me. I'm crazy.","Leonard: I believe you.","Scene: The apartment.","Sheldon: Research journal, entry one. I'm about to embark on one of the great challenges of my scientific career, teaching Penny physics. I'm calling it Project Gorilla.","Penny: Hey, Sheldon.","Sheldon: Come in. Take a seat. Subject has arrived. I've extended a friendly casual greeting.","Penny: Ready to get started?","Sheldon: One moment. Subject appears well-rested and enthusiastic. Apparently, ignorance is bliss. All right, let us begin. Where's your notebook?","Penny: Um, I don't have one.","Sheldon: How are you going to take notes without a notebook?","Penny: I have to take notes?","Sheldon: How else are you gonna study for the tests?","Penny: There's gonna be a test?","Sheldon: Tests. Here. It's college-ruled. I hope that's not too intimidating.","Penny: Thank you.","Sheldon: You're welcome. Now, Introduction to Physics. What is physics? Physics comes from the ancient Greek word physika. It's at this point that you'll want to start taking notes. Physika means the science of natural things. And it is there, in ancient Greece, that our story begins.","Penny: Ancient Greece?","Sheldon: Hush. If you have questions, raise your hand. It's a warm summer evening, circa 600 BC, you've finished your shopping at the local market, or agora, and you look up at the night sky. There you notice some of the stars seem to move, so you name them planetes, or wanderer. Yes, Penny?","Penny: Um, does this have anything to do with Leonard's work?","Sheldon: This is the beginning of a twenty six hundred year journey we're going to take together from the ancient Greeks through Isaac Newton to Niels Bohr to Erwin Schrodinger to the Dutch researchers that Leonard is currently ripping off.","Penny: Twenty six hundred years?","Sheldon: Yeah, give or take. As I was saying, it's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece... Yes, Penny?","Penny: I have to go to the bathroom.","Sheldon: Can't you hold it?","Penny: Not for twenty six hundred years.","Sheldon: Project Gorilla, entry two. I am exhausted.","Scene: Howard's bedroom.","Bernadette: Howard?","Howard: Huh?","Bernadette: It unhooks in the front.","Howard: Oh, that explains a lot.","Howard's Mother: Howard, I'm home!","Howard: Of course.","Howard's Mother: Senior fitness was cancelled. It turns out you can forget how to ride a bike. I'm fine, but, oy, did Sam Harpootian eat gravel.","Howard: That's great, Ma!","Howard's Mother: What's great about an 80-year-old Armenian man with half his chin scraped off?","Bernadette: I guess I should go.","Howard: No, no, don't move. Hey, Ma, can I have lamb stew for dinner?","Howard's Mother: Lamb stew? I'd have to go to the supermarket.","Howard: Please? I got a real hankering.","Howard's Mother: Oh, I can't say no to my little tushy face. I'll be back soon.","Howard: Thanks, Ma.","Howard's Mother: Do you want the regular peas or the Le Seur?","Howard: Always Le Seur peas with lamb stew!","Howard's Mother: You're right! When you're right, you're right! What if they're out of the Le Seur?","Howard: Then get the regular!","Howard's Mother: All right! You don't have to yell!","Howard: Sorry about that.","Bernadette (her phone chimes): Let me just put that on vibrate.","Howard: I'm already on vibrate.","Bernadette: You know, that one I got. Howard, did you say something to Leonard about me?","Howard: Uh, what do you mean?","Bernadette: He says if I go see his experiment tomorrow it might weird you out.","Howard: Really? He said that?","Bernadette: You're not jealous of Leonard, are you?","Howard: Me? No. I may have mentioned that it's a little inappropriate to be asking another man's girlfriend to his experiment without first discussing it with said man.","Bernadette: Are you saying I need to ask your permission to hang out with Leonard?","Howard: I didn't say anything like that. I said Leonard has to ask my permission. (Bernadette storms out) Come on, I don't want to eat lamb stew with my mother. Damn, I was this close on the bra.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene: The apartment.","Sheldon: Now, remember, Newton realized that Aristotle was wrong and force was not necessary to maintain motion. So let's plug in our 9.8 meters per second squared as A and we get force, Earth gravity, equals mass times 9.8 meters per second per second. So we can see that MA equals MG and what do we know from this?","Penny: Uh, we know that... Newton was a really smart cookie. Oh! Is that where Fig Newtons come from?","Sheldon: No, Fig Newtons are named after a small town in Massachusetts. Don't write that down!","Penny: Sorry.","Sheldon: Now, if MA equals MG what does that imply?","Penny: I don't know.","Sheldon: How can you not know? I just told you. Have you suffered a recent blow to the head?","Penny: Hey! You don't have to be so mean!","Sheldon: I'm sorry. (Smiling) Have you suffered a recent blow to the head?","Penny: No, you just suck at teaching.","Sheldon: Really? Of those two explanations, which one seems the most likely?","Penny: Oh, God, Sheldon, look I'm trying to understand, but you're going too fast. Can you just back up a little bit?","Sheldon: All right. It's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece...","Penny: Not that far back!","Sheldon: Okay! At what point did you begin to feel lost?","Penny: I don't know. Where were we looking up at the night sky?","Sheldon: Greece.","Penny: Damn it!","Sheldon: There's no need to get frustrated, people learn at different rates. Unlike objects falling in a vacuum, which...? MA equals MG?","Penny: Squared?","Sheldon: No.","Penny: Aristotle?","Sheldon: No.","Penny: Five?","Sheldon: Oh!","Penny: Then I don't know.","Sheldon: Why are you crying?","Penny: Because I'm stupid!","Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad.","Penny: Okay, look, can we just please forget about all this extra stuff and can you just tell me what Leonard does?","Sheldon: All right. Leonard is attempting to learn why sub-atomic particles move the way they do.","Penny: Really? That's it? Well, that doesn't sound so complicated.","Sheldon: It's not. That's why Leonard does it.","Penny: Okay, I just have one question. What exactly are sub-atomic particles?","Sheldon: A good question.","Penny: Thank you.","Sheldon: And to answer it, we first must ask ourselves, what is physics?","Penny: Oh, balls.","Sheldon: It's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece...","Scene: Leonard's lab.","Howard: Okay, I got a bone to pick with you.","Leonard: What did I do now?","Howard: I was in bed with Bernadette, and you text-blocked me.","Leonard: What?","Howard: We were completely naked, about to devour each other when, you text her that I have a problem with her hanging out with you.","Leonard: You do have a problem with her hanging out with me.","Howard: Yeah, but that's not what you tell her.","Leonard: What was I supposed to tell her?","Howard: I don't know, something that doesn't make me come off as a petty, jealous douche.","Leonard: And what would that be?","Howard: Come on, do I have to think of everything?","Bernadette: Hey, Leonard. Am I too late to see the experiment? Oh, hi.","Howard: Hi.","Bernadette: What are you doing here?","Howard: Same thing you're doing here. I came to see Leonard's experiment.","Bernadette: No, you didn't. You said Leonard's experiment was stupid.","Leonard: You told her my experiment was stupid?","Howard: I was just repeating what Sheldon said. Let's not get off topic, Bernadette, I need to apologize. I was wrong to tell you who you should be friends with.","Leonard: Should I, um, leave you two alone?","Bernadette: No, Leonard, you should hear this.","Leonard: Okay, good, 'cause I wasn't really gonna go.","Howard: Look, I know I come off as confident and worldly, but the truth is I'm not.","Leonard: We're shocked.","Howard: Which is why I tend to feel threatened by other guys.","Leonard: Or loud noises, clowns and nuns.","Howard: But I now realize how foolish that is.","Leonard: He had a panic attack once when he got his head stuck in a sweater.","Howard: It was a full turtleneck. Why aren't you helping me?","Leonard: I don't know. Maybe because I'm crazy?","Howard: Bernadette, please, I'm asking you to give me another chance.","Bernadette: What do you think, Leonard? Should I give him another chance?","Leonard: It's up to you. He didn't call your experiment stupid.","Bernadette: Come here, tushy face.","Leonard: Tushy face, that is going on Twitter right now.","Scene: The apartment.","Bernadette: Raj, you should've seen Leonard's experiment. The interference pattern was so cool when the electron beam was on.","Leonard: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Most people aren't that interested in what I do.","Penny: Actually, that's not true, Leonard. In fact, recently I've been thinking that given the parameters of your experiment, the transport of electrons through the aperture the nano-fabricated metal rings is qualitatively no different than the experiment already conducted in the Netherlands. Their observed phase shift in the diffusing electrons inside the metal ring already conclusively demonstrated the electric analogue of the Aharonov-Bohm quantum-interference effect. That's it. That's all I know. Oh, wait! Fig Newtons were named after a town in Massachusetts, not the scientist."],"Show Title":"The Big Bang Theory","Episode Number":"03x10","Episode Title":"The Gorilla Experiment","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Big_Bang_Theory_04x08.json","Recap":["The men try to attend a screening of \"Raiders of the Lost Ark\" with 21 seconds of previously unseen footage, but are displaced by Wil Wheaton and his friends cutting in front of them. Sheldon then steals the film from the theater. Meanwhile, Amy gets herself invited to a \"girls' night\" with Penny and Bernadette. She turns out to be an awkward participant, while Penny becomes defensive when the others ask her why she ended her romance with Leonard."],"Transcript":["Scene: The apartment.","Penny: Okay, help me out here. How does an archaeology professor get that good with a whip?","Howard: Maybe he took a class at the adult bookstore. That's how I learned.","Leonard: I can't believe you've never seen Raiders of the Lost Ark.","Penny: And I can't believe you've never read Eat, Pray, Love.","Leonard: When she comes out with Eat, Pray, Run Away From A Giant Boulder, I'll read it. Howard (after Raj whispers to him): I don't care if Eat, Pray, Love changed your life, I'm not reading it.","Penny: You know, I could totally rock a hat like that.","Sheldon: That's the work of noted Hollywood costume designer Deborah Nadoolman. She also designed the iconic red and black jacket in Michael Jackson's Thriller video, which I've never viewed in its entirety, as I find zombies dancing in choreographed synchronicity implausible. And also, it's really scary.","Leonard: Would someone please turn off the Sheldon commentary track?","Sheldon: There's no switch. Just listen and learn.","Howard: Penny, if you think this is good, you should come with us Friday to see it on the big screen at the Colonial.","Penny: Well, I'm watching it now. Why would I want to see it again on Friday?","Sheldon: Because the print they're showing on Friday has an additional 21 seconds of previously unseen footage.","Penny: What, 21 seconds? That'll be like seeing a whole new movie!","Leonard: Exactly. They say it finally solves the submarine controversy.","Sheldon: Did Leonard? I'm no expert, but I believe what we just heard from Penny was sarcasm. (She indicates it was) Oh, good. I'm eight for 26 this month.","Penny: Yeah, I think I'll pass. But you guys enjoy your extra 21 seconds.","Leonard: Bet if I could make you understand why this is such a cool thing, we'd still be together.","Penny: Mm, yeah, no, we wouldn't.","Howard: Uh-huh. I'm guessing 21 seconds had something to do with that, too. Credits sequence.","Scene: The Cheesecake Factory.","Sheldon: May I point out to you all that the screening is first come, first served?","Leonard: Relax, it's five o'clock. The movie doesn't start till midnight.","Sheldon: Another way of saying that is the movie starts at midnight, and it's already five o'clock. Let's go.","Howard: You know, if we miss it, we'll have the fun of listening to Sheldon whine about it for the rest of our lives.","Sheldon: See? Howard's on my side.","Howard: Actually, I'm not. I'm using sarcasm to mock you.","Sheldon: Drat. Now I'm 8 for 27.","Leonard: Don't worry, Sheldon. We'll be fine.","Sheldon: What happened to the Leonard Hofstadter who waited in line with me for 14 hours to see the midnight premiere of Star Trek: Nemesis?","Leonard: Oh. Well, he waited in line for 14 hours, while you napped in a lawn chair, he got in a fight with a Klingon when he stepped out of line to pee and you wouldn't wake up to vouch for him, and worst of all, he saw Star Trek: Nemesis.","Sheldon: But how were our seats?","Leonard: Excellent.","Sheldon: I rest my case. Amy, don't you agree we should leave now and get in line?","Amy: Actually, as the newest member of your social group, I believe I'll gain more acceptance by arbitrarily siding with your friends from time to time.","Sheldon: Shrewd.","Amy: Leonard, you're right. We should enjoy our meal, arrive late, and risk winding up with terrible seats, assuming we get in at all.","Leonard: Thank you, Amy.","Amy: See? It's working.","Bernadette: Knock-knock.","Howard: Who's there?","Bernadette: Olive.","Howard: Olive you, too.","Leonard: Guys, that's really starting to get old.","Howard: Knock-knock.","Leonard: Who's there?","Howard: I have a girlfriend and you don't.","Leonard: Hysterical!","Sheldon: Wait, now, we don't know that yet. He isn't finished. I have a girlfriend and you don't who?","Howard: So. Are you sure you don't want to come with us to Raiders?","Bernadette: Oh, no. That movie has melting faces. It reminds me too much of the time I dropped that vial of flesh-eating bacteria into the Rhesus monkey lab. Besides, Penny and I are having a girls' night tonight.","Amy: Girls' night? What does that entail?","Bernadette: Oh, you know, girls get together, hang out, share girl talk.","Amy: I'm a girl.","Bernadette: Oh. Well, maybe you can join us. I'll ask Penny.","Amy: No need. Penny and I are very close.","Bernadette: You are?","Amy: Yes. In fact, our menses are synchronized. Penny. Bernadette tells me you're planning a girls' night.","Penny: Yeah?","Amy: I'm a girl.","Penny: Oh. Um, it was, it was just going to be me and Bernadette. Besides, I thought you were going to the movies with Sheldon and the guys.","Amy: Yes, but they're not girls. I'm a girl.","Penny: Yeah, no, no, I-I-I got that.","Amy: What's the dress code?","Penny: Uh, just wear something comfortable.","Amy: All right. I'll have to go shopping.","Sheldon: Knock-knock.","Leonard: Who's there?","Sheldon: Hugh.","Leonard: Hugh who?","Sheldon: Hugh people need to listen to me. It's time to get in line for the movie. And that's how you tell a knock-knock joke.","Scene: The movie theatre. The line is incredibly long.","Sheldon: Under normal circumstances I'd say, I told you so. But as I have told you so with such vehemence and frequency already, the phrase has lost all meaning. Therefore, I will be replacing it with the phrase I informed you thusly.","Howard: Ooh. Can't wait for that to start.","Sheldon: I informed you thusly.","Raj: Eight for 28.","Sheldon: This is where we could have been if we hadn't stopped for dinner. This is where we could have been if Koothrappali hadn't ordered dessert.","Raj: Well I earned it, dude, I ate all my broccoli.","Sheldon: And here's where we are. The runts in a large litter, unlikely to ever reach the nourishing teats of Indiana Jones.","Leonard: So I guess it's a good thing we stopped for dinner.","Raj: You know, guys, when facing disappointment, Eat, Pray, Love teaches us-","Howard: Oh, shut up.","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Amy: So anyway, to make a long story short, turns out I have an unusually firm cervix.","Penny: You know Amy, when we say girl talk, it doesn't just have to be about our lady parts.","Amy: Shame. 'Cause I have a real zinger about my titled uterus.","Bernadette: Penny, your nails look great.","Penny: Oh, thanks. I found this place in Alhambra. It's in a woman's basement. I think it's a front for human trafficking, but they do a really good job.","Amy: A colleague of mine did her graduate thesis on the fungus that grows on improperly sterilized manicure implements. Well don't tell me that's not girl talk.","Penny: So where should we go tonight? A bar? A club? A movie?","Bernadette: Or we could just stay here.","Amy: Yes, and continue to bond. I have a feeling that after tonight, one of you will become my best friend forever. Or BFF, if you prefer. Which I don't.","Penny: All right, time to open Bachelor Number Two.","Bernadette: Gee, I don't know if I should drink more. I have to drive home, and I've got enough trouble seeing over the dashboard as it is.","Penny: That's okay. Y ou can just sleep here.","Amy: Oh, good, a slumber party! We'll do makeovers, initiate phony phone calls, and have spirited pillow fights in our frilly nighties!","Penny: Oh, gosh, Amy. I don't know if I would call this an actual slumber party.","Amy: Well, that's disappointing. I've always wanted to be invited to a slumber party.","Bernadette: Oh, you never were?","Penny: Not even when you were a kid?","Amy: Well, there was the time I had my tonsils out, and I shared a room with a little Vietnamese girl. She didn't make it through the night, but up till then, it was kind of fun.","Penny: Okay. Well, I guess we're having a slumber party. Oh!","Amy: Pillow fight!","Scene: The movie line.","Leonard: Oh, I hope they let us in soon. I'm tired of running to the gas station to use the bathroom. The guy makes me buy a Gatorade every time. It's a vicious circle.","Howard: Too bad you don't have a stadium pal like me.","Leonard: What's a stadium pal?","Howard: Let me put it this way, takes care of the bathroom problem, and it keeps your calf warm.","Raj: Hey, guys, bad news. I just did a quick calculation. Given the size of the theatre and the length of this line, we might not get seats.","Sheldon: What did he say?","Leonard: Nice going, Raj, just got him down for his nap.","Sheldon: We might not get seats?","Leonard: It's fine, it's fine. Go back to sleep.","Sheldon: Oh, I informed you thusly. I so informed you thusly.","Leonard: Howard, you talk to him. Howard? You're peeing, aren't you?","Wil Wheaton: Hey, look who's here! Hey, buddies!","Sheldon: Well, if it isn't Wil Wheaton, the Jar Jar Binks of the Star Trek universe.","Wil: Mee-sa think that very funny.","Sheldon: Well, you-sa can go think that at the back of the line. No cuts, no buts, no coconuts.","Theatre Staff: Wil Wheaton.","Wil: Yeah.","Theatre Staff: I'm a big fan.","Sheldon: Of what? Poorly executed beards?","Wil: Do you think you could get me and my friends into the movie? We got here a little late.","Theatre Staff: No problem. Come on, I'll hook you up.","Wil: Oh, awesome. We-sa gonna go into the movie now. Bye-bye.","Sheldon: This is Indiana Jones, not Star Trek. There should be no value to his pseudo-celebrity here. And even at Star Trek conventions, they only let him in if he helps set up.","Leonard: Calm down, Sheldon.","Sheldon: I will not calm down. This affront to justice and decency cannot go unanswered. As Captain Jean-Luc Picard once said, the line must be drawn here! This far, no farther!","Leonard: Had to wake him up from his nap, didn't you?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Bernadette: You know what I really love about Howard? His chest hair.","Penny: Howard has a hairy chest?","Bernadette: No, just the one. But it's really long.","Penny: Okay, there you go, Sultry Sunrise Red. What do you think?","Amy: My nails have never looked so pretty before. Get it off.","Scene: The movie line.","Raj: Oh, oh, uh, looks like they're getting ready to let people in.","Sheldon: Listen to what Mr. Wil Wheaton is tweeting. Best seats in house for Raiders screening. Suck on that, Sheldon Cooper.","Leonard: Why do you read his Twitter feed? You know it's only going to upset you.","Sheldon: I believe in knowing my enemy, Leonard. Had Twitter existed at the time, would not General Custer have followed the tweets of Sitting Bull? Would not Lee have followed Grant? Would not Spy have followed Spy? I have more examples, but excuse me. (On phone) Hello. Well, this seems like an odd time to test my cell phone quality, but go on. Test phrases? All right. Imatote. Ulbu. Twad. All together? I'm a total buttwad. Why are you laughing? Hello?","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Penny: And that, girls, is how you make a phony phone call.","Amy: I'm not sure I grasp the full entertainment value, but all right. Next on Wikipedia's list of slumber party activities, Truth or Dare.","Penny: Okay, it's your game. You go first.","Amy: Hang on. I'm familiarizing myself with the rules. Seems fairly straightforward. Bernadette, truth or dare?","Bernadette: Truth.","Amy: All right. To what temperature must you heat beef in order to kill the prion that causes bovine spongiform encephalopathy?","Bernadette: Um.","Amy: Remember, you have to answer honestly.","Penny: Wait. No, Amy, you're supposed to ask her something personal or embarrassing.","Amy: Oh. All right. What is the circumference of your areolas?","Scene: The movie line.","Sheldon: Munching on complimentary popcorn. Woot, woot. Oh, the gall. I hope his next tweet is popcorn lodged in trachea, choking to death, woot, woot.","Theatre staff: Guys, I am sorry. We are full up.","Sheldon: No!","Theatre staff: We're full up.","Leonard: We really want to see this. Is there anything you can do?","Theatre staff: Sorry. Fire regulations. Should've gotten here earlier.","Sheldon: This is nothing but a blatant abuse of power by a petty functionary. Explain to me why Wil Wheaton and his lackeys get in and we don't.","Theatre staff: 'Cause I'm the petty functionary with the clipboard, bitch.","Howard: I guess that's that. Let's go home.","Sheldon: You know what? I'm going back to I told you so. I told you so.","Raj: We can still see something. Uh, the new Sandra Bullock movie is playing two blocks away. You know Sandy B always brings it.","Sheldon: Look, a side door. Come on, Short Round.","Howard: I guess we'd better go after him.","Leonard: Short Round?","Raj: Indy's young sidekick from Temple of Doom.","Leonard: Yeah, I know who it is, but why is it me?","Raj: You're right. It should be a cuddly Asian boy. Like me.","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Amy: And Absolon hath kist hir nether yea, and Nicholas is scalded in the towte. This tale is doon, and God save al the rowte.\"","Penny: What the hell was that?","Amy: Bernadette dared me to tell a dirty story. The Miller's Tale by Chaucer is the dirtiest story I know. It would have been hidden in sock drawers if people in the 14th century had worn socks.","Bernadette: I thought it was pretty spicy. Especially the part where he kisses her nether yea.","Amy: You might not like it as much if you knew what nether yea meant. Hint, if one cares about hygiene, one ought not be kissing it.","Bernadette: Okay, my turn. Penny, truth or dare?","Penny: Truth.","Bernadette: Why are you still hanging out with Leonard so much even though you broke up with him?","Amy: Oh, that's an excellent question. For two people who claim to be no longer pair-bonded, you spend an inordinate amount of time in each other's company.","Bernadette: Yeah.","Penny: Dare.","Amy: I don't believe the rules allow for an ex post facto option change.","Bernadette: Yeah.","Penny: Okay, look, just because we're not seeing each other anymore doesn't mean we can't be friends. I mean, Leonard's a great guy.","Amy: Then, why did you terminate your relationship with him?","Penny: I don't know. He got really serious, and I wasn't ready for it.","Amy: Interesting. How will you react if, in the future, you become ready for it, and Leonard is unavailable, because another woman has realized that he is, to use your words, a great guy?","Penny: You can only ask one question.","Amy and Bernadette together: That one.","Penny: You know what, I don't want to play anymore.","Amy: Well, I'm not sure how this is scored, but I believe we may have won.","Scene: The movie theatre.","Leonard: Sheldon? Sheldon?","Howard: Where did he go? (Raj whistles) We're looking for Sheldon, not Marmaduke.","Sheldon: You whistled?","Leonard: What is that?","Sheldon: Raiders of the Lost Ark, with 21 additional seconds. If I can't see it, no one else can see it.","Leonard: Sheldon, this is crazy.","Sheldon: No. Crazy was leaving the projection booth unattended.","Leonard: Listen to me. You are over-tired. You're not thinking right. Put the movie back before we get into trouble.","Sheldon: Trouble is my middle name, Leonard. Actually, it's Lee, but I prefer Trouble.","Wil Wheaton: Oh, look who they let in.","Sheldon: Don't worry, Wil Wheaton. I was just leaving. Da-da-da-da, da-da-da!","Howard: Come on, Short Round.","Leonard: Yeah.","Scene: Outside the movie theatre.","Sheldon: Da-da-da-da, da-da-da!","Raj: Come on, guys! Hurry up! Hurry up!","Howard: Let's see you run with a bag of urine strapped to your leg.","Wil: He's got the movie! Get him!","Sheldon: Why is there never a pontoon plane when you need one?","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Bernadette: She's been in there a long time.","Amy: Clearly, losing Truth or Dare upset her. Perhaps we should try to take her mind off it with another popular slumber party activity.","Bernadette: Ooh, like what?","Amy: Well, the Internet suggests that slumber party guests often engage in harmless experimentation with lesbianism.","Bernadette: Where exactly on the Internet have you been looking?","Amy: Penny?","Penny: Oh, hey, Amy. Look, I'm sorry I got so upset. I just,whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa! What are you doing?","Amy: Don't worry. I'll avoid the nether yea.","Bernadette: I might have gone with eating raw cookie dough."],"Show Title":"The Big Bang Theory","Episode Number":"04x08","Episode Title":"The 21-Second Excitation","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Big_Bang_Theory_04x12.json","Recap":["Leonard gets an idea for a differential equation app, but Sheldon quickly tries to take charge of the project. After he is rejected by the others, he tries to interfere with the project by loudly playing a theremin. When Penny finds him sadly playing his theremin in the building lobby, she tries to get him reconciled with the other men. When that doesn't work, he reluctantly helps Penny create an app for shoe shopping."],"Transcript":["Scene: The university cafeteria. Howard is on the phone.","Howard: Ma, Ma, calm down. Listen to me. I know it says click with the mouse, but on a laptop, the trackpad is the mouse. Now, put your finger on it. Doesn't matter which finger. Good choice. Now move it down to your e-mail icon. Yeah, the little envelope. What do you mean, what does it look like? It looks like an envelope! Fine, you don't like the computer, don't use it! Sure, we can exchange it for a salad spinner. Good-bye!","Raj: That's a Hanukkah present you're regretting, huh?","Sheldon: I won't say that all senior citizens who can't master technology should be publicly flogged, but if we made an example of one or two, it might give the others incentive to try harder.","Leonard: I had a great idea. You know how we're always having to stop and solve differential equations, like when you're doing Fourier analysis, or using the Schrodinger equation?","Sheldon: Howard doesn't. He's only an engineer.","Leonard: I was thinking, we could write a little app that would use handwriting recognition, and then run it through a symbolic evaluation engine. You just use your smartphone, take a picture of the equation and bam!","Raj: You know what's a great app? The one that makes fart noises.","Sheldon: You know, Leonard, that's actually a valid idea. Very good.","Leonard: Can you say that and not make it sound like I'm a cat who learned how to use the toilet?","Sheldon: No. The two achievements are equally surprising and equally admirable, though if pressed, I'd have to give a slight edge to the cat. I'll save you the pain and nervousness of waiting for the answer. I agree to be part of your project. Congratulations.","Leonard: Oh, yay for me. What about you guys? I can't promise anything, but people do make money off stuff like this.","Howard: A few extra bucks would be nice. I could finally move out of my mother's house.","Raj: Where would you go?","Howard: I always dreamed about building a little place of my own over the garage.","Raj: You know, if I made more money, I could take time off from work and give pretty girls submarine rides.","Howard: What's that? Some weird s*x thing?","Raj: No. You take pretty girls underwater in your private submarine, and you show them fish. Why does everything have to be dirty with you?","Leonard: I was thinking we could work on this at night, and then maybe in a couple of weeks, we'll have ourselves an app to sell.","Howard: Sounds like we're in business.","Raj: I think we should take a picture to capture this moment.","Leonard: Yeah.","Sheldon: Oh! Raj (pressing button on camera phone. Camera makes a fart noise): Was that the best 99 cents I ever spent, or what? Credits sequence.","Scene: The apartment.","Leonard: I checked the App Store. No one is doing handwriting-recognition differential equation solving.","Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, shush.","Leonard: What?","Sheldon: You have so few good ideas, Leonard. And you're just going to spill the beans in front of an outsider?","Penny: Who, me?","Howard: Sheldon, I don't think Penny cares about handwriting-recognition based differential...","Sheldon (singing): The stars at night are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas.","Leonard: She's not going to steal our idea.","Penny: What idea?","Leonard: We're gonna write an application...","Sheldon (singing): The prairie sky is wide and high, deep in the heart...","Penny: Okay, stop, stop!","Sheldon: Of Texas.","Penny: Whatever your secret is, I'm sure it's boring, so I'm not interested.","Leonard: It's not boring at all. You see, in higher order mathematics, there are certain sets of equations that...","Penny: Bored.","Leonard: Satisfied?","Sheldon: Hardly. Consider this unlikely but very plausible scenario. A young woman alone in the big city. Her ridiculous dream of becoming an actress lies shattered about her.","Penny: Hey, wait a minute.","Howard: Well, hang on. Let's see where he's going.","Sheldon: Then it hits her. How is she going to survive? I mean, she has no prospects, no marketable skills. And then one day, she meets a group of geniuses and their friend Howard.","Howard: Hey, I...","Penny: Hang on. Let's see where he's going.","Sheldon: She befriends them, and then lies in wait until they reveal a marketable idea, which she steals and sells to the highest bidder.","Leonard: That is ridiculous.","Sheldon: Oh, is it? Well let's see you come up with an explanation as to why this woman hangs out with us all the time.","Penny: Oh, great. You know what? I've already mooched dinner off you guys. I don't need to listen to this.","Howard: There's your answer, free food.","Sheldon: All right, I've taken the liberty of drafting these workflow charts which outline our various duties and the path we will follow as we develop our ground-breaking new app.","Raj: Hey, why am I in charge of phone support? Seems a bit racist.","Sheldon: A customer service representative with an Indian accent will create the impression we're a vast enterprise that uses overseas call centres.","Raj: Oh. Very clever. But still racist.","Sheldon: Duly noted, Steve from Wichita.","Howard: Why am I listed as your executive assistant?","Sheldon: Because the word secretary has fallen into disrepute. FYI, my mother's birthday is coming up. I'm going to need you to pick up a present.","Leonard: Okay, we need to stop for a minute.","Sheldon: Leonard, please, we can talk during our break. We have one coming up at midnight. We'll need snacks.","Leonard: Sheldon, you're not in charge. It's my idea. I'm in charge.","Sheldon: Oh, of course you are. Look at the organizational chart. You're clearly listed as founder.","Leonard: Well, yes, and you're listed as Chief Executive Officer, Chief Financial Officer and Chief Operating Officer.","Sheldon: You missed Chief Science Officer, Chairman of the Board, and Head of the Secret Santa Committee.","Leonard: Okay. You need to get clear on this right now. I am in charge of this project.","Raj: Ooh. Leonard's going all alpha nerd on Sheldon's ass.","Sheldon: All right. All right, I'm not going to argue with you. Sheldon Cooper is nothing if not a team player. Dr. Hofstadter, you have the conn.","Leonard: Thank you. I thought we might start by talking about the user interface.","Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, we're doomed.","Scene: Later.","Leonard: So this button here will allow you to scan a new equation, but over here, you can press this, and just substitute new values for the coefficients.","Sheldon: Good one, boss.","Leonard: What?","Sheldon: This diagram. I assume you were opening with a joke. It certainly buoyed up this employee's esprit de corps.","Leonard: It's not a joke. It's the real design.","Sheldon: In that case, may I offer 27 little tweaks to make it slightly less embarrassing?","Leonard: Sheldon, I think this will work. Let's just try it my way.","Sheldon: Oh, I'm, I'm sorry. I assumed that you wanted candid truth-telling from your employees, but I realize now, you want the mindless nattering of complacent yes-men.","Leonard: Are you done?","Sheldon: If you say so, boss.","Scene: Later still.","Howard: So right now, this button-press event is just triggering a dummy procedure call...","Sheldon: How about this for the app name? The Surprisingly Helpful Equation-Linked Differential Optimized Numerator.","Raj: So it spells Sheldon?","Sheldon: Does it? A happy accident.","Leonard: We're not doing names now. Howard?","Howard: Like I was saying, right now it's just a dummy procedure, but eventually, it will drop us into...","Sheldon: All right, fine. If we're not going to give it a name, can we at least give it a secret code designation?","Leonard: No.","Sheldon: Well, but hear me out. The atomic bomb was The Manhattan Project. Windows 95 was originally Project Chicago. For our app, I would humbly suggest Project Nodlehs.","Leonard: That's just Sheldon backwards.","Sheldon: Another happy accident.","Leonard: We're not wasting time with names right now.","Sheldon: I see. Is that decision open for discussion?","Leonard: No.","Sheldon: Is the decision to not discuss it open for discussion?","Leonard: No.","Howard: Again, right now it's just a dummy procedure, but eventually, it will drop us into...","Sheldon: I call for a vote of no confidence and an immediate change in leadership.","Leonard: Oh Sheldon, stop it.","Sheldon: When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary to dissolve the bonds that tie three competent scientists together...","Leonard: That's enough, Sheldon.","Sheldon: All right, let's get right to the vote. Show of hands all those opposed to Leonard and his reign of tyranny.","Leonard: Okay, that's it, you're fired.","Sheldon: Really? Why?","Leonard: Because you're impossible to work with.","Sheldon: I see. And is that open for discussion?","Scene: The following morning.","Leonard: What are you doing?","Sheldon: Oh. Good morning, shoemaker. I think you'll be pleased with what the elves were up to last night.","Leonard: But I fired you.","Sheldon: Oh, I know. I'm now an independent contractor.","Leonard: No, you are now nothing. You have no connection to this project whatsoever.","Sheldon: But I made it better.","Leonard: I don't want it better. I want it my way.","Sheldon: Well, that speaks volumes, doesn't it? All right, I suppose I'll go put on my bus pants.","Leonard: What the hell are bus pants?","Sheldon: They are pants one wears over one's regular pants when one sits on bus seats that other people have previously sat on. But perhaps from your lofty heights atop the corporate ladder, you've lost touch with the struggles of the common man.","Leonard: Look, I'm still happy to drive you to work. Nothing's changed in that regard. We're still roommates, we're still friends.","Sheldon: Except you identified me, your best friend, as a gangrenous limb that needed to be severed from the organism and tossed away. The desperate act of a little man with a big Napoleon complex.","Leonard: You know what? Go put on your bus pants.","Scene: The cafeteria.","Raj: Mm. Last night, I had a dream we got so rich from the app, you and I bought matching side-by-side mansions. But there was a secret tunnel connecting your front yard to my back yard. What do you think that means?","Howard: It means after we play handball, I'm showering at home.","Sheldon: Good morning, Friend Howard. Friend Raj. I see you gentlemen are enjoying beverages. Perhaps they would taste better out of these.","Raj: World's Greatest Astrophysicist?","Sheldon: Don't thank me. You earned it.","Howard: Howard Wolowitz. Why not World's Greatest Engineer?","Sheldon: I'm sorry. I typed that into the label maker, but I just couldn't press enter. Now down to business. What would it take for you to abandon Leonard and join me in a rival company? Unless, of course, the mugs are sufficient, in which case, welcome aboard.","Howard: We're not quitting on Leonard.","Sheldon: I understand. And your loyalty is admirable. But what if I were to up the ante?","Raj: What are you talking about?","Sheldon: Monogrammed key chains with a built-in laser pointer. No? How about can cosies emblazoned with our university mascot? Go, Beavers. I'll be back.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene: The apartment.","Howard: Okay, let's try this one. Spherical Hankel function.","Leonard: Hold on. That's it!","Howard: Eureka!","Raj: Hey, we agreed when it was Eureka time, we were all gonna say it together.","Howard: Fine. Let's say it together.","Raj: No. The moment has passed.","Sheldon: Greetings, gentlemen. How goes your little project?","Raj: You mean, Project Lenwoloppali?","Sheldon: Ah, a combination of all your names. Very clever. I assume Koothranardowitz was taken?","Leonard: We're actually scanning equations and getting good results.","Sheldon: Oh, well then, by all means, carry on. I wouldn't want to impede your progress.","Leonard: Howard, did you solve the install time problem yet?","Howard: No. It's a little tricky. I'm gonna try having it pick up the libraries dynam...","Leonard: What are you doing?!","Sheldon: Playing the theremin.","Leonard: No. I mean, what are you doing with a theremin?","Sheldon: Playing it. I've loved the theremin from the first moment I heard the original Star Trek theme. And it's been killing me that it just sits in my closet, gathering dust.","Leonard: Sheldon! We're working here!","Sheldon: That's all right. I can barely hear you over my theremin. (Leonard pulls out plug) Well, that was a little uncalled for.","Leonard: No, that was completely called for. We need quiet.","Sheldon: So, your project is more important than mine?","Leonard: Well, seeing as your project is to sabotage my project, yes.","Sheldon: Don't beat around the bush, Leonard. If you don't want me here, just say the word, and I'll leave.","Scene: The hallway.","Sheldon: Could have beaten around the bush a little.","Scene: The lobby. Sheldon is playing his theramin.","Sheldon (singing): Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows my sorrow-ow-ow-ow.","Penny: What you doing? Trying to contact your home planet?","Sheldon: I'm practicing my theremin.","Penny: Oh.","Sheldon (singing): Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. Glory, hallelujah.","Penny: Something got you down, there, Sheldon?","Sheldon: Leonard kicked me out of my own apartment. And his app team.","Penny: Oh, honey, I'm sorry.","Sheldon: He wouldn't drive me to work today. I had to wear my bus pants.","Penny: Is that so?","Sheldon: Yes. And they're still sticky.","Penny: Aw.","Sheldon: Probably going to have to throw them away.","Penny: Hey, you don't need Leonard and his app. You can make one with me.","Sheldon: With you?","Penny: Seriously, I have a great idea for one.","Sheldon: Is it better than your idea to move to Los Angeles and become a famous actress?","Penny: Okay, look, when you see someone wearing shoes you like, you just snap a picture of them, and the app goes on the Internet to find out where you can buy them.","Sheldon: That's your app idea?","Penny: Well, you don't like it?","Sheldon: I didn't say that. But no, I don't.","Penny: Why not?","Sheldon: Oh, Penny, where do I begin? The simple-mindedness of your idea is exceeded only by its crass consumerism and banality.","Penny: And Leonard didn't want to work with you? Imagine that.","Sheldon: I know, it's baffling. (Singing) Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.","Penny: Sheldon, I'm gonna make some cocoa. Do you want some?","Sheldon: Do you make it with milk or water?","Penny: Milk.","Sheldon: Real cocoa?","Penny: That's what it says on the packet.","Sheldon: Do you have those little marshmallows?","Penny: No, sorry.","Sheldon: Well, I suppose it's appropriate.","Penny: What does that mean?","Sheldon: A disappointing drink for a disappointing day.","Scene: The apartment.","Raj: Hey, look at this. 20 people from the university have already signed up for our private beta.","Leonard: I'm telling you, the Lenwoloppali Differential Equation Scanner meets a real need. We've got a hit.","Raj: What do you think we should sell it for?","Howard: Well, based on the fact that our potential market is about 70 or 80 guys, and you want a submarine, I'd say about a million dollars a pop.","Raj: Well, what if we put out a lite version for half a million? You know, get the word of mouth going.","Penny: Hi. I'm sorry to bother you guys, but you've got to come take your Sheldon back.","Leonard: What's he doing in your apartment?","Penny: Well, he was moping down in the lobby, so I invited him over, and now I regret it.","Leonard: Why do you regret, uh, never mind, stupid question.","Penny: Look, can't you just let him play with you until bedtime?","Leonard: We're not playing. This is real work.","Howard: We're going to be hundred-aires.","Penny: Okay. What if I got him to apologize and promise to behave?","Leonard: Then I guess we would let him back on the app team, and while we're doing that, you could take an aerial tour of L.A. on your flying pig.","Penny: Okay. Wait right here.","Raj: I'll tell you one thing. If I get rich enough, that's the kind of girl I want to take on a submarine ride. And yes, that time, I meant it to be dirty.","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Sheldon: Really? Leonard wants me back?","Penny: Oh, yes. He says they are lost without you.","Sheldon: Well, we sure saw that coming.","Penny: That's right.","Sheldon: You know what I'm going to do? I am going to sit here and just let them stew.","Penny: No, no, no. You know, they have suffered enough. Everybody's suffered enough. The thing is, you're going to have to offer him a face-saving way out of this.","Sheldon: How?","Penny: Say you're sorry.","Sheldon: Oh, no. Mrs. Mary Cooper didn't raise her no liars.","Penny: Okay. Um, how about this? You know how you're always trying to learn about sarcasm?","Sheldon: No.","Penny: No?","Sheldon: I was being sarcastic.","Penny: Oh. Good for you. So all you have to do here is say you're sorry to Leonard, but say it sarcastically.","Sheldon: Of course. He will hear it as an attempt to mend fences, as opposed to the withering condemnation you and I will know it to be.","Penny: Yeah. Yeah, that was my plan. All right. Come on. Let's go.","Sheldon: Oh, by the way, thank you for the delicious cocoa.","Penny: Oh, you're welcome.","Sheldon: Boy, I'm getting good at this.","Scene: The apartment.","Leonard: Okay, now that you're back on the team, let's get you caught up.","Sheldon: Before you begin, let me say again how deeply sorry I am for my earlier behaviour and how much I respect and admire your leadership.","Leonard: Thank you. So as you can see, not only can you store your favourite equations, but you can forward them to your friends or post them on Facebook right from the app.","Sheldon: Well, I must say, I am impressed.","Leonard: Thanks.","Sheldon: You all have clearly put in a lot of hard work.","Howard: We have.","Sheldon: As a result, you have taken the most important step on the road to success, learning what not to do. Now, let's start fresh. Howard, we're going to need some tea.","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Penny: Okay, these are Uggs. These are Crocs. These are knockoff Manolo Blahniks.","Sheldon: Bored.","Penny: Look, you said it yourself, we have to create a database before you can write an alga-thingy.","Sheldon: Algorithm. You see, Penny, Alan Turing defined an algorithm...","Penny: Bored. Okay. These are Steve Maddens. These are Nine West. These are Target. Oh, but don't they look like Chanel? These are Michael Kors. These are Roxy. These are Sachel's. Oh, these are Betsy Johnson, they're so cute... Sheldon (singing at the same time): Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows my sorrow..."],"Show Title":"The Big Bang Theory","Episode Number":"04x12","Episode Title":"The Bus Pants Utilization","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Big_Bang_Theory_04x20.json","Recap":["Bernadette considers breaking up with Howard at the same time that he decides to propose marriage to her. Raj hopes that she will reject his proposal so that Bernadette will become available for dating him. The gossip swirling around these developments intrigue Amy and Sheldon enough to conduct an experiment in memetic epidemiology. They launch pairs of false gossip, only one of which is tantalizing, and measure how quickly they each spread. Bernadette accepts Howard's proposal, disappointing Raj."],"Transcript":["Scene: A bookstore.","Dr. Brian Greene: My new book, The Hidden Reality, takes on a grand question. Is our universe the only universe? You see, there's a growing belief among scientists like me that ours may only be one among many universes populating a gigantic cosmos. In The Hidden Reality, I explore this possibility without presuming any knowledge of mathematics or physics on the part of the reader.","Sheldon: Hysterical.","Amy: I'm glad you talked me into this. We work so hard, sometimes, it's nice to goof off and do something silly.","Sheldon: Agreed. Wait till you hear how he dumbs down Werner Heisenberg for the crowd. You may actually believe you're in a comedy club.","Greene: You can think about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle much like the special order menu that you find in certain Chinese restaurants, where you have dishes in column A and other dishes in column B, and if you order the first dish in column A, you can't order the corresponding dish in column B. That's sort of like the Uncertainly Principle.","Sheldon: Ba-dum-bump.","Amy: Say, I heard an interesting tidbit about Howard and Bernadette.","Sheldon: Really, Amy? Gossip? I'm disappointed in you.","Amy: Now, now. Evolutionary biologist Robin Dunbar has identified gossip as an aid to social bonding in large groups.","Sheldon: Forgive my language, but poppycock.","Amy: What if he's right? And by not participating in gossip, society breaks down into small feral bands of tattooed motorcycle riders fighting to the death over the last few cans of tuna fish?","Sheldon: Fine. In the parlance of the urban music scene, what's the 4-1-1?","Amy: Bernadette is thinking about breaking up with Howard.","Sheldon: I believe our nation's tuna cans are safe. Excuse me. Dr. Greene, question?","Greene: Yes?","Sheldon: You've dedicated your life's work to educating the general populace about complex scientific ideas.","Greene: Yes, in part.","Sheldon: Have you ever considered trying to do something useful? Perhaps, reading to the elderly?","Greene: Excuse me?","Sheldon: Yeah, but not your books. Something they might enjoy. I kid, of course. Big fan. Credits sequence","Scene: The apartment. The guys are playing on a Nintendo Wii.","Leonard: Nice shot.","Sheldon: Thank you. My father taught me archery as a child. It's odd how the activity brings back the smell of Kmart bourbon.","Leonard: Perfect.","Sheldon: I know. What an elf I would have made. Whoo, what do you think you're doing?","Leonard: Shooting at a target?","Sheldon: With what?","Leonard: An arrow.","Sheldon: Really? I didn't see you draw one from your quiver.","Leonard: I'm not going to do that, Sheldon.","Sheldon: Leonard, the people at Nintendo can only go so far in helping us recreate an actual athletic experience. We have to do our part, too. (Leonard mimes drawing an arrow and stabbing Sheldon with it.) That was uncalled for, but I'll play along. Ow! I had an unusual experience with Amy last night.","Leonard: Really? How could you tell?","Sheldon: She was attempting to engage me in gossip.","Leonard: You don't say?","Sheldon: Yes. I think prolonged exposure to Penny has turned her into a bit of a Gabby Gertie.","Leonard: So, what's the gossip?","Sheldon: Oh, please, I was just pointing it out. I have no desire to engage in the activity.","Leonard: Fine, don't tell me.","Sheldon: All right, get this. Bernadette is thinking about breaking up with Howard.","Leonard: Oh. That's too bad. I wonder what happened.","Sheldon: Mm, it's hard to say. I can only speculate based on the data I collected watching my parents' marriage implode. In that case, the woman dives into religion, while the man dives into a bottle-blonde bartender who tries to buy my love with action figures. Oop! Out of arrows.","Leonard: Boy, you sure get your money's worth out of these games.","Scene: The bathroom.","Leonard: - Priya, can I come in?","Priya: Sure.","Leonard: Oh, God.","Priya: What?","Leonard: It's okay. You didn't know. I'll take care of it.","Priya: What, what did I do?","Leonard: Sheldon doesn't allow flossing that close to the mirror.","Priya: You're kidding.","Leonard: It's a splatter thing. There's a little piece of tape on the floor you're supposed to stand behind.","Priya: That's madness.","Leonard: I know. Just do it. There's a big inspection coming up, and I don't want to lose my TV privileges.","Priya: You really need to let me take a look at that roommate agreement one of these days.","Leonard: Mm, I don't know. I get a lawyer, he gets a lawyer, it's just easier to stand behind the tape.","Priya: Oh, by the way, a fellow at work said I could use his Dodger tickets this weekend. Does that sound like fun?","Leonard: Yeah! Dodgers are baseball, right?","Priya: You'll need to explain the game to me.","Leonard: Mm, it's complicated, but as I remember it, the essentials are, get chosen last, get hit by the ball, cry, go home.","Priya: Well, regardless, I've got four tickets, and I was thinking we can bring Bernadette and Howard. She's really interesting, and I bet I can get used to him.","Leonard: Well, it might not be a great idea to invite those two.","Priya: Why not?","Leonard: Don't tell anybody I told you, but I heard she might be breaking up with him.","Priya: Oh, too bad. Although I do know one person for whom that's good news.","Leonard: Really? Who?","Priya: My brother. He's got a big crush on Bernadette.","Leonard: What? You're kidding!","Priya: Mmm. I found poems he wrote about her. Very disturbing. Oh, Bernadette, please play my clarinet.","Leonard: Wow, that's hard to believe.","Priya: Yes. And for years, everyone in my family was convinced that he was the clarinet enthusiast. Hmm. What's that piece of tape?","Leonard: Oh, that one doesn't apply to you. You sit.","Scene: The lobby.","Leonard: Hey!","Penny: Hey! How's it going?","Leonard: Not too bad. Did you hear about Howard and Bernadette?","Penny: 'Course I heard about it. How did you hear about it?","Leonard: I heard about it from Sheldon. He got it from Amy.","Penny: Oh, damn it. I told Amy that in the strictest confidence. Boy, some people are such blabbermouths. Well, whatever, I'm sure Bernadette can do better.","Leonard: Do you think a sexually ambivalent Indian astrophysicist with selective mutism and alcohol issues is better than a hundred-pound Jewish guy who lives with his mom?","Penny: You are kidding. Raj likes Bernadette?","Leonard: I didn't say Raj. Who said Raj?","Penny: Okay, give. How do you know? Did he tell you?","Leonard: No.","Penny: Well, then who?","Leonard: I can't say.","Penny: Priya told you. What a little gossip. You know, not an attractive quality in a woman, Leonard. Not judging, just my opinion.","Leonard: Well, The point is, if this got out, it would destroy Howard and Raj's friendship.","Penny: You don't have to worry. Unlike Amy and Priya, I know how to keep a secret.","Leonard: You're the one who told Amy in the first place.","Penny: In confidence!","Scene: Raj's apartment.","Raj: Hello, Mummy. Hello, Daddy. How are you?","Mrs Koothrappali (on webcam): We're very rich in a very poor country. So, all in all, can't complain.","Dr Koothrappali: So, Priya, how are enjoying staying with your brother?","Priya: It's fine. But if I'm going to stay in Los Angeles much longer, I think I should get my own place.","Mrs Koothrappali: Why? Is Rajesh not making you feel comfortable? Rajesh, why aren't you making your sister comfortable?","Raj: I am making her comfortable. Besides, she's not sleeping here half the time anyway.","Dr Koothrappali: What? Where are you sleeping, Priya?","Priya: It's a figure of speech, Daddy. It means I-I work late.","Mrs Koothrappali: Please tell me you're not dating an American. I knew this would happen. Rajesh, are you letting your sister date that little Howard boy?","Dr Koothrappali: Now, hold on. If she is dating an American, that's not a bad way to go. He's Jewish. Those chaps are very successful, and they don't drink a lot.","Raj: It, it doesn't matter. Howard has a girlfriend.","Priya: For now.","Raj: What does that mean?","Priya: I'll tell you later.","Raj: Is something going on with him and Bernadette?","Mrs Koothrappali: Who's Bernadette?","Dr Koothrappali: Doesn't sound Jewish.","Mrs Koothrappali: You can't tell by that. Winona Ryder is Jewish.","Dr Koothrappali: Okay, we're getting off the subject. Rajesh, I want you to try harder to make your sister feel welcome.","Priya: Thank you, Daddy.","Raj: Don't worry. Everything I have, I share with her. Including my friend Leon...","Priya: Good night, Mummy. Good night, Daddy.","Raj: Oh, my God, I think you broke my toe!","Priya: Well you should have kept your mouth shut.","Raj: Fair enough. Now, what's up with Clarinet? Bernadette!","Scene: The cafeteria.","Sheldon: I've been thinking about Dr. Greene's efforts to make science palatable for the masses.","Leonard: Oh, yeah? What about it?","Sheldon: That's all. I've just been thinking about it. Now, I'm thinking about fractal equations. Now I'm thinking about the origin of the phrase train of thought. Now I'm thinking about trains.","Raj: Are you listening to this guy?","Howard: Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry. I was somewhere else.","Leonard: Lucky b*st*rd.","Sheldon: Now I'm thinking about Jell-O.","Raj: So what's up?","Howard: It's a Bernadette thing.","Raj: Oh, no. I hope everything's okay.","Leonard: Whatever it is, we're here for you. You can tell us anything.","Raj: Yeah. Good or devastating.","Howard: I'm gonna ask her to marry me.","Leonard: Marry you?","Raj: What?","Howard: Yeah. I just need to figure out the right time to pop the question.","Leonard: Oh, I'd wait.","Raj: No rush, no rush.","Howard (phone rings): Oh, great. It's my cousin David about the ring. Hey, David, what'd you find? Oh, sure, a half a carat's fine. Her freakishly small hands make anything look big. It's one of the reasons I love her.","Leonard: Man, he's going to be blindsided.","Raj: I know. It'll be awful.","Sheldon: Why are you smiling?","Leonard: Yeah, Raj, why?","Raj: Uh, a smile means something different in my country. You know, tears of joy, smile of sadness. India's a goofy place.","Sheldon: Oh, I'm back to trains. Woo-woo.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene: The apartment.","Amy: Did I tell you our lab got a grant to study addiction?","Sheldon: No.","Amy: Fascinating work. I recently trained a capuchin monkey to smoke cigarettes.","Sheldon: Have you learned anything?","Amy: Yes. He looks much cooler than the non-smoking monkeys. Although it's not much of a contest. The other monkeys just sit around and m*st*rb*t*.","Sheldon: If you don't mind, I'd like to stop listening to you and start talking.","Amy: By all means.","Sheldon: Howard has announced his intention to propose marriage to Bernadette.","Amy: I don't understand. The original piece of gossip indicated an impending breakup.","Sheldon: I know. The group consensus is that his proposal will be met with an humiliating, soul-crushing rejection. Everyone was set a-twitter. Although oddly, no one tweeted.","Amy: It's not surprising that the story has captured the attention of our little circle of friends. Are you familiar with meme theory?","Sheldon: I'm familiar with everything, but go on.","Amy: Meme theory suggests that items of gossip are like living things that seek to reproduce using humans as their host.","Sheldon: I'm no stranger to memetic epidemiology. At Johnson Elementary School, the phrase Shelly Cooper's a smelly pooper spread like wildfire.","Amy: I should think so. That's gold.","Sheldon: Your meme hypothesis does intrigue me. How might we examine this more closely?","Amy: Do you have any ethical qualms regarding human experimentation?","Sheldon: It's one of the few forms of interaction with people that I don't find repellent.","Amy: We need to fabricate a tantalizing piece of gossip.","Sheldon: And a second non-tantalizing piece to use as a control.","Amy: Then we'll track its progress through our social group and interpret the results through the competing academic prisms of memetic theory, algebraic gossip and epidemiology.","Sheldon: Look at you, getting me to engage in the social sciences. You're a vixen, Amy Farrah Fowler.","Scene: Penny's door.","Penny: Oh, hey, Amy. What's up?","Amy: Sheldon and I engaged in sexual intercourse. In other news, I'm thinking of starting an herb garden. Mum's the word. Gotta go.","Scene: The Cheesecake Factory","Bernadette: Oh, hey, Raj, what are you doing here?","Raj: I just felt like drinking alone, because I'm deep and dark.","Bernadette: Uh-huh. So, uh, Howard's not here?","Raj: No. It's just one of those times when it's just you and me. Like when the three of us went to the movies and you and I waited outside the bathroom while Howard threw up Red Vines and Cherry Coke. Do you remember that?","Bernadette: Yeah.","Raj: Me, too. Good times.","Penny: Hey, 16 wants to order appetizers.","Bernadette: Oh, thanks.","Raj: This was nice.","Penny: What the hell are you doing? Howard is your best friend, and that is his girlfriend. You should be ashamed of yourself.","Raj: I was when I came in, but it's amazing what liquor does to guilt. Besides what you might not know is, Bernadette is planning on breaking up with Howard.","Penny: Well, I know that. How do you know that?","Raj: My sister told me.","Penny: Oh, that gossipy bitch! No offense.","Raj: None taken. You should hear how she talks about you.","Penny: Okay, listen, just because Howard and Bernadette are having problems, does not mean you should be here sniffing around.","Raj: What can I do? I can't stop thinking about her.","Penny: All right, try thinking about this. Sheldon and Amy had s*x.","Raj: Shut your ass!","Penny: Yeah, it's true. Amy told me.","Raj: How did that even happen? Did they know that's what they were doing when they were doing it?","Penny: I-I guess they just figured it out at some point.","Raj: Wow. I can't believe old Smelly Pooper finally got laid.","Scene: The apartment.","Leonard: Hey.","Sheldon: Hey.","Leonard: Hope you're hungry.","Sheldon: Interesting. A friendly sentiment in this country, cruel taunt in the Sudan. It's a lesson in context.","Leonard: Will Amy be joining us for dinner?","Sheldon: Yes, I believe so.","Leonard: Good, good. Everything okay between you two?","Sheldon: Yes. Why do you ask?","Leonard: No reason. I was just talking to Raj, and he mentioned what a lovely glow she has these days.","Sheldon: Did he mean as if she'd been out in the sun, tending an herb garden without wearing a hat or sunblock?","Leonard: No. That's not what he meant.","Sheldon: Well, we may never know. As my mother would say, the Asians are an inscrutable folk. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.","Leonard: Yeah, you do. You dog, you.","Sheldon: Did you get that?","Amy (on webcam): Every word. Our false gossip meme appears to have reached node lambda.","Sheldon: This is moving faster than we thought.","Amy: Agreed. It appears the rate of gossip transmission is proportional to the number of nodes squared.","Sheldon: I must say, Amy, pretending to have intercourse with you is giving me a great deal of satisfaction.","Amy: Slow down, Sheldon. I'm not quite there yet.","Scene: The apartment, later.","Leonard: Pass the soy sauce.","Howard: Sure.","Amy: Bernadette just asked about my sexual encounter with you. The meme has reached full penetration.","Sheldon: Pun intended?","Amy: No. Happy accident.","Sheldon: This is remarkable. Took less than 24 hours.","Amy: I should let you know that she asked for details about our dalliance.","Sheldon: Interesting. So it went beyond the mere fact of coitus to a blow by blow, as it were.","Amy: Pun intended?","Sheldon: I'm sorry. What pun?","Amy: Not important. I described your lovemaking as aloof, but effective.","Sheldon: I wish you hadn't done that. That's going to make me a chick magnet, and I'm so busy as it is.","Howard: Hey, everybody, I got something I want to ask Bernadette, and I can't think of a better time than when I'm with all my friends.","Leonard: Oh, hold on, Howard. There's lots of better times.","Raj: Leonard, please. The man is talking. Let him get it out, and let the chips fall where they may.","Howard: Thank you. Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski...","Bernadette: Oh, God. What's happening?","Howard: I know things haven't been perfect with us, and we've had our problems, but I just have to tell you, from the moment I...","Bernadette: Howard, let me just stop you right here.","Raj: This is it.","Bernadette: Yes.","Howard: Yes, what?","Bernadette: Yes, I will marry you.","Howard: You will?","Raj: You will?","Bernadette: I will. I will!","Howard: Oh, I love you so much.","Bernadette: Oh, I love you, too.","Leonard: Congratulations!","Priya: Oh, it's so exciting.","Amy: I wonder what changed her mind.","Sheldon: Perhaps your talk of my sexual prowess renewed her faith in love.","Amy: As good an explanation as any.","Leonard: That's great.","Scene: Penny's door.","Penny: Oh, hey, Amy. Bernadette just texted me. Howard proposed?","Amy: Yes, not important. Just stopped by to let you know I'm getting orthotics. Also, I'm carrying Sheldon's baby. Mum's the word.","Scene: The stairwell, moments later. Leonard is reading a text message.","Leonard: You're pregnant?","Amy: Wow. Is there anything on there about orthotics?"],"Show Title":"The Big Bang Theory","Episode Number":"04x20","Episode Title":"The Herb Garden Germination","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Big_Bang_Theory_05x13.json","Recap":["When Leonard and Sheldon arrive home Leonard sees Penny through her open door and asks her out, who after initial hesitation, accepts. Their date progresses smoothly until he asks her whether they will get back together. They get into a big argument, following which Leonard returns home in a huff. Later that night, Penny calls Leonard and asks him to come out of his apartment. As he does this, Penny kisses him full on the mouth and they end up having sex in her apartment. After this, they decide to pursue their relationship once again, but also decide to take things slow and pretend they are still single. Leonard finds it difficult to keep the relationship secret; when he returns to his apartment at 3 am, he is forced to lie to Sheldon (who saw him entering the apartment); the next night at the Cheesecake factory, he overplays his fake annoyance over Penny, following which the duo again engage in a heated argument. But later that night, they again have sex. After this, he asks her what they are doing, since every scenario that he plays out about them ends badly, to which she responds that it is because he over-thinks things. It is then revealed that Leonard daydreamed the entire episode. He is still outside his apartment with Sheldon. Realizing he does over-think things, he goes over to Penny's apartment and asks her out. After initial hesitation, she accepts. The episode ends with Penny preparing for her date. She imagines a scene where she marries Leonard, but is heavily pregnant, prompting her to decide to go to the drug store before the date."],"Transcript":["Scene: The stairwell.","Leonard: You feel like trying something new for dinner? Maybe Indian, Tex-Mex?","Sheldon: You ever wonder how humans would be different if they evolved from lizards instead of mammals?","Leonard: Okay, let's talk about that.","Sheldon: As you know, lizards, cold-blooded animals, lack the ability to sense temperature. But they do move more sluggishly when it's cold. So, lizard weathermen would say things like, bring a sweater, it's slow outside. I love my mind.","Leonard: We all do. Now, how about dinner?","Sheldon: Oh, I would assume we'd enjoy insects or smaller lizards. We could also pull each other's tails off and grill them, they'll just grow back. Oh! My life-size cardboard Mr. Spock is here! I know he wouldn't care for an outburst of human emotion, but, oh goodie, oh goodie, oh goodie. Commander Spock requesting permission to be unfolded. Leonard (seeing Penny's door open and the girls inside): Excuse me.","Sheldon: Permission granted, Commander.","Amy: Which is why the more intelligent the monkey, the more faeces they fling.","Leonard: Excuse me, Amy. Penny, do you have plans for dinner tonight?","Penny: Why, you guys going somewhere?","Leonard: No, I mean just you and me.","Penny: You mean, like a date?","Leonard: Not like a date, a date.","Amy: Ooh!","Bernadette: Ooh!","Penny: Um, o-okay. Sure.","Amy: Ooh!","Bernadette: Ooh!","Sheldon: Oh, no! They sent the wrong Spock! Live long and suck it, Zachary Quinto. Credits sequence.","Scene: Penny's bedroom.","Bernadette: This is so exciting. If Leonard and Penny get back together, Howard and I can go on double dates with them.","Amy: How come you never invite Sheldon and me on a double date?","Bernadette: Mm, uh... How's it going in there, Penny?","Penny: Just a sec. (Emerges in revealing slinky green dress) Too much?","Bernadette: Yes.","Amy: No.","Penny: Okay, just hang on.","Amy: You just can't handle her raw sexuality, can you?","Bernadette: When did you and Leonard break up?","Penny: Uh, about two years ago.","Bernadette: Why do you think he asked you out again?","Penny: I don't know.","Amy: Maybe he's dying. That would be so romantic.","Penny: He's not dying.","Amy: Too bad. If he were, she could just throw him in bed and ride him right up until he flatlines.","Penny: How about this?","Bernadette: Maybe.","Amy: Come on.","Penny: Yeah, okay, no.","Bernadette: Do you think you'll sleep with him tonight?","Penny: Absolutely not. Look, we're just gonna have dinner and, you know, see how it goes.","Amy: If he were dying, would you sleep with him?","Penny: What?","Amy: Assuming he were dying of something that couldn't be sexually transmitted. You know, like a spear wound to the head.","Penny: Okay, he is not dying.","Amy: How do you know? Are you a doctor?","Bernadette: You can make-believe, though. Sometimes Howard and I pretend that his arrhythmia is acting up and I'm a sexy cardiologist. And the naughty part is I'm not in his HMO network.","Penny: Screw it. I'm not gonna make a big deal out of this. It's just dinner.","Amy: With a dead man.","Penny: Amy, stop it. Oh, God, I'm so nervous.","Bernadette: Relax. You know Leonard's always been crazy about you. It's gonna be great.","Penny: I know, but we've finally gotten to a place where we can hang out without it being weird. And what if something goes wrong? Then what?","Amy: Guess it'll just be Sheldon and me going on a double date with Howard and Bernadette.","Bernadette: Sure, we'd love that. Change your clothes, we got a lot riding on this.","Scene: The apartment. The guys are playing a board game.","Sheldon: Mm. I want to build a road, but I need wood. Do either of you fellows have wood? (Raj and Howard snigger) I don't understand the laughter. The object of Settlers of Catan is to build roads and settlements. To do so requires wood. Now, I have sheep; I need wood. Who has wood for my sheep?","Leonard: Okay, how do I look?","Howard: Well, more to the point, why are you doing this?","Leonard: What are you talking about?","Raj: Did you forget what Penny did to you? It took you two years and defiling my sister to turn that frown upside down.","Leonard: I didn't defile your sister, we had a relationship.","Raj: I heard you call her Brown Sugar. In my book, that's defilement.","Sheldon: You want to know my opinion?","Leonard: Oh, boy, do I?","Sheldon: Sarcasm?","Howard: No.","Sheldon: All right, then. The reason you're fixated on a good-natured simpleton like Penny is that she's the exact opposite of your first romantic attachment, your brilliant yet intimidating mother.","Leonard: Where on earth did you get that from?","Sheldon: It's in her book, Needy Baby, Greedy Baby.","Leonard: That doesn't make it true.","Sheldon: It's called non-fiction for a reason, Leonard.","Leonard: See you later.","Raj: If they ever make a movie version of that book, you know who should play Leonard's mother? Sandra Bullock.","Howard: Why?","Raj: Because she's great in everything.","Sheldon: Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Does anyone have any wood? Oh, come on! I just want wood. Why are you making it so hard?","Scene: A restaurant.","Leonard: So, do they have a name for a first date with someone you used to go out with?","Penny: Oh, that's a good question. How about awkward?","Leonard: Yeah, that sounds right.","Penny: Yeah?","Leonard: Hey, how about if we pretend we're actually on a first date? See how that goes.","Penny: Okay.","Leonard: So, Polly, tell me about yourself.","Penny: It's Penny.","Leonard: Oh, sorry, yeah. Awkward.","Penny: Okay, uh, let's see. I'm from Nebraska, and ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of moving to L.A. and becoming a movie star. Anyway, after four years of acting lessons and waiting tables, I've done a haemorrhoid commercial and a production of Anne Frank above a bowling alley. So, you know, dreams do come true. Your turn.","Leonard: Uh, let's see. Uh, I am an experimental physicist at Cal-Tech, most of my research is with high-powered lasers, and, oh, I've just gotten a big government grant to see if they can be used to knock out incoming ballistic missiles.","Penny: Wow. Can they?","Leonard: Oh, God, no. The money's pretty good. And I used the equipment to make my own Bat-signal.","Penny: Bat-signal? What are you, some kind of nerd?","Leonard: Not some kind of nerd, I am the king of the nerds.","Penny: What does that mean?","Leonard: Uh, it means if anyone displeases me, I don't help them set up their printer.","Penny: You are so funny.","Leonard: Good. Remember that when I take my shirt off.","Penny: Leonard, this is nice. I'm so glad we did this.","Leonard: Me, too. So what do you think? Are we gonna get back together?","Penny: Whoa. Not so fast.","Leonard: I'm sorry, what did I say?","Penny: Leonard, you know I will always have feelings for you.","Leonard: Oh, God.","Penny: What?","Leonard: You said always. You'll always have feelings for me.","Penny: So?","Leonard: So, that sounds more like something you'd say if you didn't want a relationship with someone. This isn't working out, but I'll always have feelings for you. I'm sorry I slept with your best friend, but I'll always have feelings for you. Here's the thing, Lisa, I'm into dudes now, but I'll always have feelings for you.","Penny: How would you say it?","Leonard: I have feelings for you.","Penny: It's the same thing.","Leonard: No, it's not. Always made it worse.","Penny: You're overthinking this.","Leonard: No, I'm not.","Penny: Yes, you are. You always overthink things.","Leonard: Ah now th-th-there you go. Always made it worse.","Penny: See, this is where everything goes wrong, when we talk.","Leonard: Well, I don't know how you have a relationship without talking.","Penny: Hey, I went out with this guy TJ for eight months, we never talked. To this day, I don't even know what TJ stands for.","Leonard: Wait, if you guys didn't talk, what did you... never mind, stupid question.","Scene: The apartment.","Sheldon: And now that I have some wood, I'm going to begin the erection of my settlement.","Raj: He's got to be doing this on purpose.","Howard (as Leonard enters): Ooh, eight thirty. You and Penny decide to go out and paint the town beige?","Leonard: You're thirty years old and you live with your mother.","Raj: I guess it didn't go well.","Sheldon: We don't know that. Not to a certainty. All we know is that Leonard is home. Howard (as Leonard groans loudly in his room): How about now?","Sheldon: Again, not enough evidence. For all we know, he's being murdered. Now, back to our game.","Raj: You were in the middle of an erection.","Sheldon: Oh, of course. It's right here in my hand.","Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Leonard's phone text signal sounds.","Leonard: What does she want from me now? (Goes to front door, where Penny is waiting) What's up?","Penny: Do not overthink this. (Kisses him, then leads him to her apartment.)","Leonard: I don't understand.","Penny: Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.","Leonard: Okay, but earlier it seemed like...","Penny: No talking.","Leonard: Even during? 'Cause sometimes I have questions.","Scene: Penny's bedroom. They are in bed.","Penny: Well, that was fun.","Leonard: Yeah, except for when I got the foot cramp.","Penny: You hung in there, though.","Leonard: Well, there was a lot at stake.","Penny: So what do you want to do now?","Leonard: Well, I want to go get my asthma inhaler, but it might ruin the moment. Just, just help me out here. How does a miserable date end in s*x?","Penny: I don't know, it's complicated.","Leonard: Well, I'm a pretty smart guy, and right now my brain has dibs on the blood supply, so give it a go.","Penny: Okay, it's just, at the restaurant when you said you wanted us to be together again, it got very real very fast and I panicked.","Leonard: Why? What are you afraid of?","Penny: Well, what if we do go out and I do something stupid and dump you again?","Leonard: What if I dump you?","Penny: Come on, be serious.","Leonard: Well, how about if we don't think about this as a relationship? It could be more like a new version of software. Penny and Leonard 2.0. We can test it internally, shake out the bugs, and if we both feel it's solid, then we'll roll it out to the public.","Penny: So we don't tell people we're back together?","Leonard: Exactly. We pretend like our date went badly.","Penny: Well, we don't really have to pretend.","Leonard: And we let them think that we decided to just be friends and that everything's cool.","Penny: Okay, great. Hey, I just remembered. I still got one of your inhalers.","Leonard: I can't believe you kept this.","Penny: Yeah, I was gonna throw it away, but I just couldn't.","Leonard: That is so sweet. In 25 to 30 minutes I'm gonna show you how much this means to me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene: The apartment. Leonard is sneaking back in.","Sheldon: Leonard?","Leonard: Yeah, hi, hi. How's it going?","Sheldon: Uh, can't complain. Thanks for asking. Well, what were you doing out at three o'clock in the morning?","Leonard: Well, uh, uh, what are you doing up?","Sheldon: I was using the bathroom.","Leonard: Yeah, well, so was I.","Sheldon: Really? I didn't see you in there.","Leonard: Obviously, when I saw that you were in ours, I went and used another one.","Sheldon: Where?","Leonard: The, the gas station across the street.","Sheldon: In your pyjamas?","Leonard: Yes.","Sheldon: Without shoes?","Leonard: Yes.","Sheldon: On a cold winter's night?","Leonard: Yes.","Sheldon: Seems unlikely. Did you bring your asthma inhaler?","Leonard: Uh, uh, uh, yes, I did.","Sheldon: Well, then, I guess it's plausible. Hang on a second, mister.","Leonard: What?","Sheldon: After you used the facilities at the gas station, did you make a purchase?","Leonard: What?","Sheldon: It's customary, when using the rest room at a retail establishment, to make a small purchase. Did you?","Leonard: No.","Sheldon: Here's two dollars. Go buy some beef jerky.","Leonard: I don't want beef jerky.","Sheldon: It's not about you. It's about a poor immigrant from Pakistan trying to make his way in America by working the graveyard shift at the Colorado Boulevard Chevron.","Leonard: Fine.","Sheldon: Needy Baby, Greedy Baby indeed.","Scene: The Cheesecake Factory.","Sheldon: Leonard will be here in a moment. He's looking for a different parking space.","Howard: Why?","Sheldon: We were next to a car with an ask me about my grandchildren bumper sticker, and I was afraid if we ran into them on the way out, I'd be obligated to do so.","Bernadette: I'm so disappointed it didn't work with him and Penny.","Amy: Me, too. Out of deference to them, let's not flaunt our happy relationship.","Sheldon: You have a keen insight into the human heart, Amy Farrah Fowler.","Leonard: We are next to a Suburu with a Gore\/Lieberman bumper sticker.","Sheldon: Well, I doubt they'd want to talk about that, so we're fine.","Howard: I'm surprised to see you here after it went so badly with Penny.","Leonard: Well, hey, we're grown-ups. We can still be friends.","Bernadette: Boy, I don't know if I could be friends with Howie if we broke up.","Howard: Why not?","Bernadette: I'm a very vengeful person.","Howard: Really?","Bernadette: With access to weaponised smallpox.","Penny: Here you go, guys, let me get you going with some water. You need menus or you know what you want?","Howard: Leonard knows what he wants, but it looks like he's not gonna get it from you.","Bernadette: Howard.","Penny: No, that's okay, Bernadette. Sometimes these things just don't work out.","Leonard: Yeah, it's all good. We-We'll always have feelings for each other.","Bernadette: Oh, that's nice.","Leonard: See, she knew what always meant.","Penny: Wow, you're like a dog with a bone, aren't you?","Leonard: I'm just making a point.","Penny: Is the point that you don't know when to let something go?","Sheldon: People, people, please, before you say something you both regret, I'd like to place my order.","Penny: Yeah, just hang on, Sheldon. You know why we can't be together? Because you always have to be right.","Leonard: Oh, that is not true.","Sheldon: I've got to go with Leonard on this. He is wrong more than anyone I know.","Penny: You know what? I just realized I'm on a break. I'll get someone else.","Leonard: Well...","Sheldon: Leonard, promise me that when our new waitress comes over, you will not start a complicated on-again, off-again relationship with her, because I am very, very hungry.","Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Text signal.","Leonard: Unbelievable. (Goes to door)","Penny: Mind explaining to me why you were being such a jerk at the restaurant?","Leonard: Well, I was trying to act like we weren't seeing each other. That was the plan, right?","Penny: No, the plan was to tell people we decided to stay friends. That's a little hard to do when you're always being such a tool bag.","Leonard: You know what? I don't have to stand here and take this crap. (Goes to Penny's apartment.)","Penny: The hell do you think you're going?","Leonard: Isn't s*x after fighting kind of what we do now?","Penny: Yeah, kind of, yeah.","Scene: Penny's bedroom.","Leonard: What are we doing?","Penny: What do you mean?","Leonard: Every scenario I play out for you and me ends badly.","Penny: That's because you overthink everything.","Sheldon's voice: Leonard, are you listening to me? (Leonard is in the hallway with Sheldon. It is the opening scene, and Sheldon has just found his cardboard Spock.)","Leonard: What? Yeah.","Sheldon: This is a disaster. I distinctly ordered the Leonard Nimoy Mr. Spock cardboard standee. Why would I feel safer with Zachary Quinto at the foot of my bed?","Leonard: I don't know, he was pretty badass on Heroes.","Sheldon: You're right, I'll give him a shot.","Leonard: Hang on. Penny, do you have plans for dinner?","Penny: Why, you guys going somewhere?","Leonard: No, I mean just you and me.","Amy: Ooh!","Bernadette: Ooh!","Penny: Uh, have you thought this through?","Leonard: Yes, and I think we should go anyway.","Sheldon: No, can't do it. Sorry, Quinto, you're going back.","Scene: Penny's bedroom.","Amy: If you and Leonard get back together, Sheldon and I will finally have someone to go on double dates with.","Bernadette: What about me and Howard?","Amy: Fine, we can double with you, too. So insecure.","Bernadette: Where are you guys going to eat?","Amy: Penny?","(In her imagination, Penny is transported to her wedding day.)","Minister: Do you, Penny, take Leonard to be your lawful wedded husband?","Penny (turning, heavily pregnant): Well, it's a little late for me to start saying no, isn't it?","(Back in the bedroom)","Amy: Penny?","Penny: Sorry, just remembered I've got to stop by the drugstore."],"Show Title":"The Big Bang Theory","Episode Number":"05x13","Episode Title":"The Recombination Hypothesis","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Big_Bang_Theory_05x17.json","Recap":["The deranged Professor Rothman is forced to retire, leaving his office vacant. Both Sheldon and Kripke fight for the office and bring it to the attention of President Siebert, who is not interested in listening to their argument. Sheldon and Kripke decide to settle their argument once and for all by playing a game of basketball, as both are bad at sports. However it soon becomes evident that both do not know how to play it, and the challenge is reduced to who bounces the ball highest. Sheldon wins the challenge and gets the office. He enjoys his new office until he finds out that the thermostat for the air conditioner is in another room where its occupant is experiencing hot flashes, the upstairs geology department is too noisy and the mockingbirds are \"completely out-of-tune\" with the wind chimes. Meanwhile, Amy gives Penny an enormous painting depicting the two of them, which Penny absolutely hates. When Bernadette sees the painting, she comments that Penny looks like a man in it, prompting Penny to remove it from her wall and deciding to hang it only when Amy comes to her apartment. Unfortunately, Amy finds out that Penny removed the painting and becomes upset, thinking that her friendship with Penny is one-sided. Penny consoles Amy by lying that she removed the painting from the wall because Bernadette was jealous that she was not in the painting. Later Penny hangs the painting on the fourth wall."],"Transcript":["Scene: A corridor at the university","Raj: It was a nice retirement party.","Howard: I guess. Still, it's a shame Professor Rothman was forced to step down.","Leonard: What choice did the university have? He snapped. It happens to theoretical physicists all the time.","Howard: I wonder how long Sheldon's got.","Sheldon: These shrimp are all the same size. There's no the logical order to eat them in.","Leonard: Can't be very long.","Raj: Hey, look, there's Rothman's empty office. Sad.","Leonard: Yeah.","Sheldon: Mm, indeed.","Howard: So sad.","Sheldon: Dibs.","Kripke: What's up, fewwas?","Sheldon: What are you doing here, Kripke?","Kripke: Ah, measuwing my new office for dwapes.","Sheldon: This is not your office. It hasn't been assigned yet.","Kripke: Well, I called dibs at the Chwistmas party when Pwofessor Wothman twied to have intercourse with the toys for tots cowwection box.","Sheldon: Dibs? This is a university, not a playground. Offices are not assigned because someone called dibs.","Leonard: You just called dibs.","Sheldon: Shut it. Offices are assigned by seniority. I arrived at the university first.","Kripke: I awwived at the office first. I'm the pwoverbial earwy bird.","Rothman (entering, naked): Gentlemen.","All: Professor Rothman.","Rothman: Good evening.","All: Good evening.","Raj: I'm glad that men are wearing hats again. They're so distinguished. Credits sequence.","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Amy: I got you a little something.","Penny: A little something? Oh, it... what, this is huge.","Amy: What's huge is what you've done for me.","Penny: Oh, no, Amy, I haven't done anything.","Amy: No, no, before I met you, I was a mousy wallflower. But look at me now. I'm like some kind of downtown hipster party girl. With a posse, a boyfriend and a new lace bra that hooks in the front, of all things. Open it. Open it.","Penny: Okay. (Opens parcel to find a huge and not at all flattering painting of Penny and Amy)","Amy: I wanted to get you something you didn't have.","Penny: Wow. I-I don't know what to s... Wow.","Amy: Do you like it?","Penny: Do I like it? Wow.","Amy: So, uh, where are you gonna hang it?","Penny: Oh, my God. Hang it. Wow. Um, you know, I'd have to go get a hook and nails and a hammer and...","Amy: No problem.","Penny: Oh, look. You, huh, you just, you got it all right there. Wow.","Scene: A bathroom at the university.","Sheldon: I found him. He's in the bathroom. President Siebert?","Siebert: Can't this wait?","Sheldon: I'm sorry. We just need a word.","Siebert: Now? You realize I'm your boss, and I am holding my pen1s?","Kripke: Sheldon, give the man some pwivacy. I'm sowwy. This guy's got no wespect for boundawies.","Siebert: What do you want?","Kripke: Will you tell this wunatic that Pwofessor Wothman's office is wightfully mine?","Siebert: Can't you take this up with your department chairman?","Sheldon: We tried. His assistant said he was on sabbatical. Although we distinctly heard his office window open and shut.","Siebert: Gentlemen, there's a task I'm trying to accomplish here, and I'm having trouble doing it.","Sheldon: Oh, my. President Siebert, I don't mean to be an alarmist, but difficulty initiating a urine stream could be a symptom of benign prostatic hyperplasia. If you're interested, I can send you a link to a YouTube video that'll show you how to perform your own rectal exam. Yeah, uh, helpful hint, trim your nails first.","Kripke: Ignore him, Pwesident Siebert. I'm sure a young man such as yourself has a perfectwy healthy pwostate.","Sheldon: Oh, he's just trying to butter you up. And for the record, butter is an excellent lubricant for your rectal exam.","Siebert: Gentlemen, I'm going to allow the two of you to work this out because A, you're both brilliant scientists, and B, as far as who gets Rothman's office, I couldn't give the furry crack of a rat's behind.","Kripke: Well, as wong as we're here, I might as well take a weak.","Sheldon: Kripke?","Kripke: Yes?","Sheldon: You're in my spot.","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Bernadette: That is big.","Penny: So big.","Bernadette: And ugly.","Penny: So ugly. What am I gonna do?","Bernadette: I don't know. You can't take it down. You'll break her heart. Look at that face. That enormous, unsettling, crazy face.","Penny: Is there any chance I'll learn to love it?","Bernadette: That depends. Do you like pictures of yourself where you look like a man?","Penny: All right, it's got to go.","Bernadette: What will you tell Amy?","Penny: How about I tell her the painting makes you feel jealous because you're not in it?","Bernadette: Nuh-uh. What if she gets me one? I already have a picture of me and Howard's mom getting our hair cornrowed in Venice Beach. I've suffered enough.","Penny: Well, I guess I could take it down and put it up when she comes over, but it's kind of heavy.","Bernadette: Mmm, too bad you're not as strong as the dude in the painting.","Scene: The apartment.","Raj: Would you look at this? I paid twenty five dollars to some kid on eBay for a handcrafted Harry Potter wand. He sent me a stick. He went into his backyard, he picked up a stick.","Howard: It's numbered.","Raj: Ooh, limited edition. Nice.","Sheldon (knock on door): Oh, that'll be Kripke.","Leonard: What's he doing here?","Sheldon: We're going to work this office situation out like gentlemen. And if that doesn't work, I'm going to poison his tea.","Kripke: Cooper.","Sheldon: Kripke. Come in. I'm making tea. Would you like a cup?","Kripke: Am I weawing a summer fwock? No, I don't want tea. Wet's get down to bwass tacks.","Sheldon: Fine. In the interest of preserving our friendship...","Kripke: We're not fwiends.","Sheldon: Well, that's a little hard to hear, but all right. As you know, the essence of diplomacy is compromise. With that in mind, I propose the following. I will take Rothman's office, and you will find a way to be okay with that.","Kripke: How about I take Wothman's office, and you go suck a wemon?","Sheldon: You sure I can't get you that cup of tea?","Raj: How about you decide this with Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock?","Kripke: What the fwig is that?","Sheldon: Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock was created by Internet pioneer Sam Kass as an improvement on the classic game Rock-Paper-Scissors. All hail Sam Kass.","All: Hail.","Kripke: How does it work?","Sheldon: Oh, it's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.","Kripke: I'm sowwy. Can you wepeat that?","Sheldon: Well, of course. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.","Kripke: Almost got it. One more time.","Sheldon: Surely. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock...","Howard: Sheldon, stop. He's screwing with you.","Sheldon: Is he? Well, then, it seems we have reached an impasse. I see no other option than to challenge you to a duel. I'd smack you with a glove, but just last week I packed away my winter things.","Howard: It's the 21st century. You can't have a duel.","Leonard: H-h-h-hang on, Howard. Barry, how good of a shot are you?","Sheldon: Not pistols. Minds. A trivia contest, and you may choose the field of battle. Star Trek trivia, Star Trek: Next Generation trivia, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine trivia, Star Trek: Voyager trivia, or model trains.","Kripke: You have a compwete advantage in twivia. You have an eidetic memowy. Pwus, I haven't watched Star Twek since I discovered the stwip cwub near my apartment has a fwee buffet.","Leonard: It's gonna be hard to find something you're both equally good at.","Raj: Is there anything you're both equally bad at?","Both: Sports.","Scene: A basketball court.","Leonard: All right, this is one-on-one. First person to five wins the office. Any questions? Yes, Sheldon?","Sheldon: Five what?","Leonard: Balls in the basket. (Throws ball to Sheldon) Sheldon (dodging out of the way): Ew! Later. Sheldon dribbling ball, approached Kripke, throws it wildly at a pile of mats in the corner.","Kripke: It's out, wight? Later. Kripke, dribbling ball, watched by Sheldon, dribbles it all the way into the back wall.","Kripke: Time. Wan out of woom.","Leonard: You know all those terrible things bullies used to do to us?","Raj: Yeah.","Leonard: I get it. Later. Kripke chases ball across room chased by Sheldon. Sounds of collision. Sheldon chases ball back across the room chased by Kripke. Later. Ball hits Sheldon in back of head.","Sheldon: Hey! He did that on purpose,","Leonard: No, he didn't. Nothing that's happening here is being done on purpose. Okay, uh, forget one-on-one. Let's try a free throw contest. First person who makes a basket wins the office.","Kripke: Making it too easy there, Hofstadter.","Leonard: No. No, I'm not.","Sheldon: Use the force, Sheldon. Use the force. (Throws ball. It goes about two feet in front of him.) I'm gonna need more force.","Kripke: Aw wight, Cooper, pwepare to have your heart bwoken. (Throws ball up. It hits the ceiling and doesn't come down.) Do I get points for that? Later. A trampoline has been added. Sheldon tries first, ball hits backboard, bounces back in his face. Kripke tries next, with a run up, ends up crashing into the back wall again. Later.","Leonard: All right, we gave it 45 minutes. It's no longer funny. Let's try something else.","Sheldon: What do you propose?","Leonard: Uh, on the count of three, both of you bounce the balls as hard as you can. The highest bounce wins the office.","Kripke: Oh, you are going down, Cooper.","Sheldon: I don't think so, Kripke. I've bounced many a rubber ball in my day.","Leonard: All right, that's enough trash talk. One, two, three.","Howard: Sheldon was higher.","Leonard: Congratulations, Sheldon. You win office.","Sheldon: Who's unsatisfactory in P.E. now?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Amy: Oh, what a great movie.","Penny: I cannot believe you've never seen Grease.","Amy: My mother didn't allow me to watch it. She was afraid it might encourage me to join a gang.","Bernadette: I've got to go. I've got to get up early. My company's testing a new steroid that supposedly doesn't shrink testicles, and the last one there has to do the measuring.","Amy: I guess I should get going, too. Good night, painting Penny. Good night, real Penny.","Penny: Good night, real Amy.","Amy: You don't have to say good night to painting Amy, 'cause she's never leaving.","Bernadette: Good night, real Penny.","Penny: Bye.","Bernadette: Good night, transvestite Penny.","Penny: Ah, okay. Let us take you off the wall. Out of sight, out of mind. I wish.","Amy (entering): You know, can I borrow that movie? Those singing hooligans really got my motor running.","Penny: Sure, sure. Enjoy. I mean, get it back to me when you can, or, you know what, actually, you keep it. It's just going to be my gift to you. Bye.","Amy: Thank you. Wait. Where'd the painting go?","Penny: It's right over there.","Amy: Why?","Penny: I have no idea. That is weird.","Amy: You hate it.","Penny: No. No, no. It's just, it's a little big.","Amy: I feel like an idiot.","Penny: No, come on, you're not an idiot. Look, just help me put it back up.","Amy: Why? So you can just take it down when I leave? I don't need your pity.","Penny: Oh, Amy, come on.","Amy: I'm just glad I didn't go for the sculpture.","Scene: Rothman's office.","Sheldon: Ah, the spoils. I see why victors love them.","Raj: I'm happy for you, Sheldon. But I have to admit I'm going to miss sharing an office with you.","Sheldon: Oh, of course you are. Feel free to drop by any time.","Raj: Thank you.","Sheldon: Yeah. Call first. (Pushes him out. Closes door. Rothman is standing naked behind it.)","Rothman: Oh. Hello.","Sheldon: Professor Rothman. This isn't your office any more. You're retired.","Rothman: I think the word you're looking for is invisible.","Scene: Amy's apartment.","Penny: I came to say I'm sorry.","Amy: Don't bother.","Penny: Oh, Amy, please.","Amy: I'm so humiliated. I sat there the whole time that we were watching Grease, thinking you liked the painting.","Penny: I know.","Amy: I was a fool from Summer Lovin' to the very last rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong.","Penny: You're right. You're absolutely right. I should have been honest with you and told you the gift was too much.","Amy: Yes, too much. Because our friendship is fundamentally asymmetrical. I clearly like you more than you like me.","Penny: I don't think you can put a number on how much one person likes another.","Amy: I bought you a painting that's 12 square feet in area. There's a number.","Penny: Amy, come on...","Amy: If you don't like feet, you can try dollars. The painting set me back three grand.","Penny: Three gr... Oh, my God! Look, look, Amy, all you need to know is, you are my friend and I don't want to lose you out of my life.","Amy: I'm sorry, I'm just having trouble believing you right now.","Penny: Grab your hammer.","Amy: No. Damage is done.","Penny: Okay, look, I didn't want to say this, but the real reason I took the painting down was because it made Bernadette very jealous.","Amy: Oh, my goodness, how could I have not seen that? The painting is a constant reminder that of the three of us, she is the least cool.","Penny: Yeah, th-th-th-that's what it is, so...","Amy: You have such a good heart.","Penny: Huh, I try.","Amy: Come on.","Penny: Well where are we going?","Amy: We're going to go put this painting back up in your apartment.","Penny: Well, what about Bernadette?","Amy: Oh, screw her. She's just lucky we let her hang out with us.","Scene: Rothman's office. Sheldon is trying to affix paper over a fiercely blowing air vent.","Leonard: What are you doing?","Sheldon: I'm trying to raise the temperature in here before my nipples tear through my shirt.","Howard: Why don't you just turn up the thermostat?","Sheldon: Aha! Good question. It turns out the thermostat for my new office isn't in my new office. No. It's next door, in Professor Davenport's office, who is currently enjoying the hot flashes associated with menopause.","Leonard: Why is there a hole here?","Sheldon: Why is there a hole in my new office? I've narrowed it down to two possibilities: There was something in the wall that someone outside the wall wanted, or the more disturbing, there was something in the wall that wanted out.","Raj: Well, at least you finally got a window that opens. That's nice.","Sheldon: Is it? Listen.","Raj: What, you don't like wind chimes?","Sheldon: No, I hate them, but it gets worse. There it is.","Howard: The bird?","Sheldon: Yeah, It's completely out of tune with the wind chimes.","Raj: So?","Sheldon: You don't get it, do you? That's a mockingbird. Mockingbirds can change their song, which means he's out of tune on purpose. He's mocking me. Oh dear. There it is again. Do you feel it?","Howard: The growing realization that you are one wacky b*st*rd? Yep.","Sheldon: No. The vibration. We are directly underneath the geology lab, and they're running their confounded sieve shakers again. Hey, gravel monkeys, if you need to shake rocks, try jiggling your heads around!","Leonard: Sheldon, relax.","Sheldon: How can I relax? My nervous system is being stretched out like the strings of a harp and plucked by holes and birds and wind and the low-hanging scrotum of the difficult-to-evict Professor Rothman.","Leonard: If you're not happy, why don't you just let Kripke have the office?","Sheldon: What, and let him win? Do I look crazy to you? We're trying to think down here, you geode-loving feldspar jockeys! (To the bird) And you, the notes are C, D, E, G and A. You pick one or I am chopping down that tree!","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Penny: How's that?","Amy: Little higher on the right.","Penny: Now?","Amy: Little more. No. That's got it.","Penny: Yeah, okay. That's, uh, that's good.","Amy: I'll let you in on a little secret.","Penny: Mm.","Amy: Originally we were painted nude. But I had him add clothes, 'cause I thought it was an unnecessary challenge to our heterosexuality.","Penny: Yeah, good call.","Amy: But if you ever change your mind, all it would take is some warm, soapy water and a couple of sponges.","Penny: You're talking about the painting, right?","Amy: Sure.","Scene: Rothman's office. Sheldon has his head stuck in the hole in the wall.","Sheldon: Help! Somebody help!","Leonard: What happened?","Sheldon: I was trying to see what was in here and my head got stuck.","Leonard: Why would you do that?","Sheldon: It's called scientific curiosity. Now go get butter.","Leonard: Hang in there. I'll be right back. (Takes out phone and takes a photo. Sits down and starts posting it online.)"],"Show Title":"The Big Bang Theory","Episode Number":"05x17","Episode Title":"The Rothman Disintegration","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Big_Bang_Theory_06x12.json","Recap":["Alex invites Leonard to accompany her to Kip Thorne's lecture on quantum foam. He declines, having a date with Penny that day, so Alex offers to talk about the lecture \"over dinner\". Realizing Alex is hitting on him, he is flattered at attention from two attractive women at once despite his commitment to Penny. When Sheldon finds out, he is unhappy: his assistant Alex should devote her time to him. Sheldon asks advise from Amy, Penny and Bernadette describing to them what happened while replacing Leonard and Alex's name to \"protect their identity\". The women quickly deduced the real situation, infuriating Penny upon knowing that Leonard liked being hit on. On Bernadette's advice, Sheldon talks to Alex about the issue, but his sexually inappropriate language leads her to file a sexual harassment complaint with the HR Department. Sheldon inadvertently infuriates the Afro-American HR Admin Janine Davis with unintentionally racist and misogynistic remarks. To prove that he hasn't done the worst things at the university, Sheldon implicates Leonard, Howard and Raj in other misdemeanours; she calls them in too. Sheldon must take an online sexual harassment seminar but, unwilling to waste time on such \"nonsense\", has Alex complete it. Meanwhile, Leonard plays his cello to apologize to Penny and denies feelings for Alex, reassuring Penny he is committed to her. Later she says she can now cope with her insecurities: she dons thick-rimmed glasses to look like a scientist, turning Leonard on like crazy."],"Transcript":["Scene: The apartment.","Sheldon: Well, I must say, Leonard, when I first heard your idea for Giant Jenga, I was sceptical.","Leonard: I can't blame you. Tiny Twister was a complete bust.","Sheldon: No, I was wrong. The looming threat of being crushed under a pile of lumber does add a certain spice. I've never felt so alive. (Answers door) Oh, hello, Alex. Uh, let me go get you last night's recordings.","Leonard: What recordings?","Sheldon: Well, you remember when you told me I talk in my sleep? Well, it occurred to me that, like most things I say, it's probably pure gold. So I started recording it all, and now Alex gets to comb through eight hours of what I like to call Sheldon After Dark.","Alex: Hey, Leonard.","Leonard: Hey. Just playing a little Giant Jenga here.","Alex: Oh, I know, I'm the one who had to buy him the helmet. So, do you have any plans this weekend?","Leonard: Well, most of Saturday's gonna be figuring out where to put this game when we're done. How about you?","Alex: Oh, I'm gonna go see Kip Thorne give a lecture on subatomic space-time.","Leonard: Ooh. That's his take on John Wheeler's quantum foam. That should be great.","Alex: Well, if you want, you can come with me.","Leonard: Ah, I'd love to, but I'm supposed to hang out with Penny.","Alex: Well, bring her.","Leonard: Well, she's not really into that kind of stuff.","Alex: Yeah, okay. Well, if you want to hear about the lecture, I can tell you all about it at work, or, you know, over dinner sometime. Leonard (jumping and knocking over the Jenga): What?","Sheldon: Jenga, I win! Credits sequence.","Scene: The cafeteria.","Howard: Oh, come on, that can't be true.","Raj: I did the research. Tony the Tiger, Dig'em the Frog, Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Count Chocula, Trix the Rabbit, Snap, Crackle and Pop. Not one cereal mascot is a girl. It's a total breakfast sausage fest.","Leonard: Are we done with this?","Raj: Almost. Franken Berry, Boo Berry, Sugar Bear and the Honey Nut Cheerio bee, I believe his name is Buzz.","Leonard: Terrific. Something weird happened and I don't know what to do about it.","Howard: What's going on?","Leonard: Sheldon's assistant asked me on a date last night.","Raj: How could you do that to me? You know I've been working it with Alex for weeks.","Leonard: Working it? You can't even talk to her.","Raj: I talk with my eyes.","Howard: You look like my little cousin when he's dropping one in his diaper.","Leonard: She knows I have a girlfriend. It's so weird.","Raj: Oh, my God. You're loving this.","Leonard: To my bones. I mean, I'm not gonna do anything about it. I love Penny. It's just nice to have a young, attractive woman sniffing around the goods.","Raj: I both hate you and want to be you. This is Ryan Gosling all over again.","Sheldon: Ah, gentlemen, what is on the conversational menu this morning?","Raj: Leonard stole my woman, and he knew full well I was only six to eight months away from making my move.","Leonard: I didn't steal anyone.","Raj: Your assistant is totally hitting on this jerk and he loves it.","Sheldon: Well, that's not acceptable. I mean, I'm her boss. She needs to be solely focused on my needs, not distracted by your pasty, androgynous brand of sexuality.","Leonard: I'm androgynous?","Sheldon: Oh, please. Look at you with your pouty bee-stung lips.","Leonard: What do you guys think I should do?","Raj: I say you tell Alex your heart belongs to Penny, I provide her a shoulder to cry on, and then roughly half a year later I give it to her good.","Scene: Amy's apartment.","Sheldon: I want to thank you all for coming on such short notice. Uh, in the past, I've reached out to each of you individually, but I believe my present situation requires the collective wisdom of the group, which as you can see from your commemorative T-shirts I have dubbed Sheldon Cooper's Council of Ladies.","Penny: What is happening?","Sheldon: I need your advice about a delicate workplace situation. Uh, to protect those involved, I'll be changing their names.","Bernadette: Who's involved?","Sheldon: Well, a short, bespectacled colleague of mine who lives in the shadow of his brilliant roommate. Let's call this colleague Ricardo Shilly-Shally.","Penny: You're talking about Leonard.","Sheldon: No, no, Shilly-Shally has red hair and, uh, he briefly served in the Mexican Navy. Anyway, despite the fact that he has a girlfriend, Shilly-Shally has been the recipient of inappropriate workplace flirtations from a young lady.","Amy: It's your assistant Alex, isn't it?","Sheldon: No. No. No. This is Tondelaya della Ventimiglia.","Penny: Wait, what the hell's going on with Leonard and Alex?","Sheldon: No, uh, no, I'm sorry. Who's talking about Leonard and Alex?","Penny: Fine. Ricardo and Tondelaya.","Sheldon: Okay, look, it's not really about Ricardo and Tondelaya. It is really about her boss, who doesn't quite know how to handle this situation and could use your advice, which is surprising because Dr. Einstein Von Brainstorm, he's usually pretty smart about these things.","Penny: I'm gonna kill her.","Bernadette: I'm sure you've got nothing to worry about. Leonard would never cheat on you.","Amy: She's right. But say the word, I got a lab full of cocaine-addicted monkeys with nothing to lose. One of them could end up in the backseat of her car. Or her shower.","Sheldon: Ladies, ladies, please. We're not here to talk about Penny, okay? We're here to talk about me. Uh, I mean Einstein Von Brainstorm. Oh, darn it! All right, I guess the cat's out of the bag. Let me explain what's going on. Ricardo is really Leonard.","Penny: We know what's going on, Sheldon!","Sheldon: Well, what should I do?","Bernadette: Well, Alex is your employee. If she's doing something that's making Leonard uncomfortable, you should talk to her.","Sheldon: Oh, no, he's not uncomfortable at all. No, he's loving it. Yeah, he's strutting around like he's five-foot-six.","Penny: What? He's loving it?","Bernadette: Sheldon, you need to talk to Alex right away.","Sheldon: Talk to her? That's all you've got? With a cool name like Sheldon Cooper's Council of Ladies, I really expected more. Give me back the T-shirts.","Scene: Sheldon's office.","Sheldon: Alex, check my schedule. What does my afternoon look like?","Alex: I think it's pretty wide open. Oh, wait. Here's something at four o'clock. Give Alex a talking to?","Sheldon: Well, that snuck up on us, didn't it?","Alex: Is there a problem?","Sheldon: Let's not call it a problem. Let's call it an opportunity. To solve a serious problem.","Alex: What did I do?","Sheldon: You don't know? Oh, you poor dear. Your ovaries are squirting so much goofy juice into your brains you don't even know which way is up. You made an inappropriate sexual advance towards Dr. Hofstadter.","Alex: What? I didn't make a sexual advance on anybody.","Sheldon: Now, there's no need to get defensive. I'm not unsympathetic to your plight. My father used to say that a woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day.","Alex: What?","Sheldon: Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time.","Alex: This conversation is making me uncomfortable.","Sheldon: Yeah, you and me both, sister. Now, please understand, I don't hold you responsible for your behaviour because, see, from an evolutionary standpoint, you're a slave to your desire to reproduce. But during the work day, when you feel possessed by amorous intent, may I suggest that you suppress it by leafing through this illustrated book of sexually transmitted diseases? Let's see here. Oh, yes. Check out this oozy doozy.","Alex: I have to go.","Sheldon: So does this fellow, but he can't without it burning like hot soup.","Scene: The stairwell.","Leonard: Hey, pretty lady.","Penny: Oh, you seem extra happy.","Leonard: Uh, I guess I am.","Penny: Any particular reason why?","Leonard: I don't know, just having a good day. This morning Sheldon fell asleep on the way to work, so I got to listen to the radio. That was pretty crazy.","Penny: Mm-hmm. Anything else?","Leonard: Mm. I found this quiz online called Which Star Trek Character Are You? and it only took me four tries to get Captain Kirk.","Penny: That's great.","Leonard: Oh. It. Was.","Penny: Hmm. Well, I'm glad you're having such a great day.","Leonard: Yeah. And the one thing that could make it even better is an evening with my special girl.","Penny: Oh, and who's that?","Leonard: What do you mean?","Penny: Oh, I just didn't know if you meant me or Alex.","Leonard: Um, why would I mean Alex?","Penny: Because I know she hit on you and I know you liked it.","Leonard: What?","Penny: Don't play dumb with me, Ricardo Shilly-Shally!","Leonard: I'm missing something. (Enters apartment. To Sheldon) Did you say something to Penny about Alex?","Sheldon: Oh, yes. Yeah, and a fat lot of good it did me. All she did was get mad at you.","Leonard: Why would you do that?","Sheldon: I needed advice about a woman. I would have asked you, but if the last few years have proven anything, it's that you can't tell a uterus from a unicycle.","Leonard: At least I know not to blab to a girl about somebody flirting with her boyfriend.","Sheldon: Good to know. Yeah, a few more helpful hints like that, you may find yourself on the Council of Ladies. (Answering phone) Hello. I see. Uh, what time? Very well, then. Huh. That was the Human Resources Department at the university. Apparently, my assistant Alex has filed a complaint accusing me of inappropriate behaviour in the workplace.","Leonard: Oh, my God, what did you do?","Sheldon: Hmm, let me think. Nothing. I'm a delight.","Scene: The Human Resources Department.","Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Human Resources Department. (Knock, knock, knock) Human Resources Department. (Knock, knock, knock) Human Resources Department.","HR Woman: Come in.","Sheldon: Hello.","HR Woman: Ah, Dr. Cooper, have a seat.","Sheldon: Thank you.","HR Woman: I called you in today because your assistant Alex Jensen has lodged a complaint against you.","Sheldon: So I've been told. But I can't understand what she has to complain about. I mean, she has a front-row seat as I make scientific history. There's string cheese in my mini-fridge, and that's for anyone. Yeah, and just yesterday I led her away from a life of sexual promiscuity by making her look at pictures of disease-ridden genitalia.","HR Woman: Cancel my next appointment. This is gonna take a while. Dr. Cooper, you said things to your employee that you just cannot say in the workplace.","Sheldon: Like what?","HR Woman: Well, according to Ms. Jensen, you said that she was a slave to her biological urges and called her an egg salad sandwich. I don't even know what that means, but I'm gonna go ahead and tell you you can't say it.","Sheldon: Oh! I see the confusion here. No, no, Alex thought I was singling her out. No. I meant that all women are slaves to their biological urges, you know? Even you. You're a slave.","HR Woman: I'm a what?","Sheldon: Well, y-you, I-I'm just saying, you know, at a certain point in a woman's menstrual cycle...","HR Woman: Whuh-ah! Woah! You can't talk about that, either, Dr. Cooper. Your language is entirely inappropriate, and I'm gonna advise that you shut your mouth right now.","Sheldon: I don't see why I'm the one being persecuted here. Dr. Hofstadter, he was bragging about his sexual desirability to anyone who would listen. You know, and Howard Wolowitz, he spent two years using university resources building a six-breasted s*x robot. Oh, and at the office Christmas party, I heard Rajesh Koothrappali refer to you several times as Brown Sugar.","HR Woman (writing): Hofstadter... Wolowitz... and the last one was Rajesh Koothrappali?","Sheldon: Yes. No, yeah, but in his defense, that wasn't racist. He's also brown.","Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny answers the door. Leonard is playing his cello outside.","Leonard (singing): I'm sorry Alex hit on me, hit on me, hit on me. I'm sorry Alex hit on me, I'd no idea I'm cute.","Penny: Oh, damn it, you are.","Leonard: Please forgive me. I should have told you about Alex.","Penny: I don't care about Alex. Fine, I care. Okay, I hate that bitch. But what really hurt is that you liked it so much. I mean, do I need to be worried?","Leonard: Of course not. No. Why?","Penny: Because, she is pretty and smart, and when you talk about work, she doesn't have to go home and look up words in the dictionary to understand what you said.","Leonard: You do that?","Penny: No.","Leonard: Hang on. Are you feeling insecure? Because that's my thing, and if you take it away, I don't know what I'm bringing to this relationship.","Penny: Yes, Leonard, I am insecure. Happy?","Leonard: No, I'm not happy.","Penny: Why are you smiling?","Leonard: I'm sorry. I just never think of you having feelings like that.","Penny: Well, I do.","Leonard: Why? Nothing is ever going to happen between me and Alex.","Penny: Good.","Leonard: Come here. Tell you a secret?","Penny: What's that?","Leonard: With all these women chasing me, I kind of do feel like Captain Kirk.","Penny: Can I tell you a secret?","Leonard: Sure.","Penny: Keep talking about Captain Kirk, and we're all gonna stop.","Leonard: Message received. Ah, excuse me. (Answering phone) Hello. This is Dr. Hofstadter. Okay. All right, thank you. That's weird. I'm getting called in to Human Resources.","Penny: What did you do?","Leonard: I don't know.","Scene: Howard and Bernadette's kitchen.","Howard: Huh. I just got called in to Human Resources.","Bernadette: Why?","Howard: I don't know.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene: Raj's apartment.","Raj: Huh. That is so strange. Human Resources wants to talk to me tomorrow. (To his dog) Could you stop licking your ass for two minutes? I have a problem here.","Scene: Human Resources department.","Howard: Do you really think you should be drinking right now?","Raj: How else am I supposed to talk to the Human Resources lady?","Howard: I don't know. Seek professional help?","Raj: I did. The guy at the liquor store said this stuff tastes great in coffee.","Howard: Wait, you got called in, too? What is going on?","Leonard: Sheldon threw us all under the bus.","Howard: Oh.","Raj: I feel like I've been called down to the principal's office. Although I wouldn't mind if Brown Sugar suspended me. From a s*x swing. This may have been a mistake.","Howard: Relax. Everything's gonna be fine. Before I met Bernadette I was in here every other day. Uh, little tip, turn off your I Like Big Butts ringtone before you go in.","Raj: Well, this is all your fault.","Leonard: How is this my fault?","Raj: If you weren't screwing around with Sheldon's assistant, none of this would be happening.","Leonard: I wasn't screwing around with anyone.","Raj: Oh, of course not. She was just sniffing around your goods because she was hunting for truffles.","HR Woman: Ah, Mr. Wolowitz, it's been a while.","Howard: Hey, Janine. How are Tom and the kids?","Janine: Fine. You must be Dr. Hofstadter.","Leonard: Yes, but I think this is all a big misunderstanding.","Raj: Yeah, yeah, me, too. I didn't do anything.","Janine: Is that alcohol on your breath?","Raj: Howard built a s*x robot.","Howard: That is not true. All I did was build a robot.","Janine: Did it have six breasts?","Howard: I'm sorry, I'm a feminist, I don't notice things like how many breasts a robot has.","Sheldon: Well, hello.","Leonard: What are you doing here?","Sheldon: Actually, I came to speak to Mrs. Davis.","Janine: And I'm a little busy right now.","Sheldon: But I came to file a complaint. Somebody has made me feel uncomfortable in the workplace by using language of an inappropriate and sexual nature.","Janine: And who was that?","Sheldon: You, you dirty birdie. I-I thought about the things you said to me yesterday, and I realized I'm deeply offended. Now, be a dear and get me one of those complaint forms.","Janine: That's it. All of you, in my office now!","Sheldon: And thanks to you, I know better than to ask if you're menstruating. And based on your behaviour, I don't have to.","Scene: Sheldon's office.","Sheldon: It has been pointed out to me that some of the things I said to you could be construed as offensive, and I would like to offer you my sincerest apology.","Alex: Thank you, Dr. Cooper.","Sheldon: Yeah, additionally, you should know that the university has mandated that I take an online sexual harassment seminar so this sort of thing doesn't happen in the future.","Alex: Okay.","Sheldon: Yeah. Now, unfortunately, uh, my time is much too valuable to waste on nonsense like this, so, um, I'm gonna need you to take it for me. Oh, and, uh, you'd better ace it, they're pretty mad.","Scene: The apartment.","Penny: So, hey, I was thinking about that stuff with Alex.","Leonard: Oh, would you stop worrying about that?","Penny: I can't help it. But, look, I figured I could sit around and feel insecure, or I could do something about it. So I got a course catalogue at school and looked at some of the science classes.","Leonard: That's great.","Penny: No, it isn't, they are extremely boring. I mean, how do you not kill yourself, like, every day? Anyway, I decided I don't need to be a scientist, I could just look like one. So I bought these.","Leonard: Glasses? I really don't think that's gonna change... oh, my God, you look so smart and hot.","Penny: I know, right? Watch this. Molecules.","Leonard: Okay, come with me.","Penny: Where are we going?","Leonard: To my bedroom, so I can take everything off but those glasses. And maybe the boots."],"Show Title":"The Big Bang Theory","Episode Number":"06x12","Episode Title":"The Egg Salad Equivalency","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Big_Bang_Theory_06x13.json","Recap":["Leonard drives the other men to the Bakersfield Comic-Con, making an unscheduled stop at Vasquez Rocks where Star Trek: The Original Series was filmed, to photograph themselves as Star Trek: The Next Generation characters, but someone steals Leonard's car with their clothes and phones. The four, stranded in the Californian desert without regular clothes and with no means of transport or communication, try to hitch a ride to Bakersfield, but no-one stops for them. They walk to a nearby diner where they report the theft to a police officer. Demoralized, the four skip Comic-Con and return to Pasadena in a car hired by Howard's mother. Meanwhile, the women wonder why the men like comics and superheroes, stuff they believe to be for kids only. To understand why, they buy comics at the comic book store to read in Penny's apartment. To resolve a heated argument over Thor's hammer Mjolnir, they then read Leonard and Sheldon's comics in their apartment. Upon returning to Leonard and Sheldon's apartment, the men hear the ladies still arguing about comic books. The men then agree to investigate - ala Star Trek. In the final scene, two car thieves enjoy the interstate highway quiz Sheldon programmed into Leonard's car navigation system."],"Transcript":["Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is steaming a Star Trek uniform.","Leonard: Hey, will you steam my uniform next?","Sheldon: Interesting. Do you recall this conversation? Leonard, want to go halfsies on a steamer? No, Sheldon, we don't need a steamer. Looks like that rumpled chicken's come home to roost.","Penny: Hi. Here are the make-up sponges you asked for.","Leonard: Oh, thanks, I thought I had more.","Penny: Damn, you've got more makeup than I do. You've got better makeup than I do. Yeah, I'm borrowing this.","Leonard: Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is my Comic-Con makeup. I love you, but there are some things a man doesn't share with his girlfriend.","Sheldon: That's a wise policy. I once borrowed my sister's makeup for a costume contest. Got a terrible case of pinkeye. But luckily, I was going as a zombie. I won second place.","Penny: I feel like you guys just went to Comic-Con.","Leonard: That was San Diego Comic-Con. This is Bakersfield Comic-Con.","Penny: Is that better?","Leonard: Well, it's a lot smaller. It's more about the comic books. The way these conventions used to be before they went all Hollywood.","Sheldon: So to answer your question, no, it's not better.","Penny: Well, then why are you going?","Sheldon: It's a comic book convention. You know, it's like pizza or particle accelerators, even the stinky one's still pretty good.","Penny: All right. Well, you guys have fun. I guess I'll see you Sunday night.","Leonard: Yeah.","Penny: Okay.","Leonard: Oh, hang on a second. (Hands her the day's newspaper) Hold this. (Photographs the two of them together)","Penny: What was that for?","Leonard: To show people when they don't believe me. Credits sequence.","Scene: A restaurant.","Penny: Oh, this is the best. You have booze with breakfast on a Tuesday, you got a problem. You do it on the weekend, you got brunch.","Amy: Sheldon doesn't believe in brunch. He can't stand being at a table where one person's having an omelette and another person's having a sandwich.","Bernadette: He's not exhausting at all.","Penny (receiving text): Oh. It's Leonard. He says they're on the road and headed for Bakersfield at warp speed. Maybe it's the mimosa, but I'm gonna give the kid an LOL.","Bernadette: It's cute how excited they are. You should have seen Howard sewing his costume all week for the convention.","Amy: When did Howard learn to sew?","Bernadette: When he was a little boy, every couple months, he would have to let his mom's pants out.","Amy: I don't even understand why they go to these conventions.","Penny: I know. The four of them work at a major university. They're all super smart. How can they still be into something made for 12-year-olds?","Bernadette: I don't mind it. I think Howie's just in touch with his inner child. Although when he comes to bed in his Batman pyjamas, sometimes it feels like I'm touching his inner child.","Amy: It's probably because they were bullied growing up. In a world where you can't fight back, superheroes provide meaningful wish-fulfillment.","Penny: Mmmm. Now I feel bad for picking on all those kids. Although, in my defence, if Danny Biffle didn't want to eat a mouthful of dirt, he shouldn't have shown up to school wearing a bow tie.","Bernadette: I've never even read a comic book. You guys?","Penny: Uh-uh.","Amy: No.","Bernadette: I mean, it's such an important part of their lives. Maybe we should try reading some.","Amy: Seriously?","Bernadette: The comic book store isn't far from here.","Penny: That is an amazing idea. Okay, how many of these have I had?","Scene: Leonard's car.","Sheldon: I think you should turn on the GPS.","Leonard: It is on.","Sheldon: But the turn-by-turn voice option isn't on. I know I'd feel more safe if you turn on the turn-by-turn voice option. I love the turn-by-turn voice option.","Howard: Has it really only been ten miles?","Leonard: I'm turning it on, but just to shut you up.","GPS (in Sheldon's voice): Leonard, bear left and continue on Interstate 210.","Sheldon: Ooh, sounds like that fellow knows what he's talking about. I'd put on my listening ears if I were you.","Leonard: What did you do?","Sheldon: I found a hack online. I was able to upload MP3 recordings of my voice to your GPS.","Raj: That is so cool.","Leonard: Counterpoint, no, it's not.","GPS: Continue on Interstate 210 for five miles. Here's an interesting fact about interstates.","Leonard: Really?","Sheldon: Shh, he said it's interesting.","GPS: Interstates are numbered as follows. Even-numbered routes run east and west, odd-numbered routes run north and south. Three-digit route numbers indicate bypasses or spurs.","Howard: Look, Leonard, there's a bridge. Drive off it.","Raj: You know, we're not that far from Vazquez Rocks.","Sheldon: Oh, they shot a lot of Star Trek episodes out there.","Howard: We've got our costumes in the trunk. We could go there and have a little photo shoot.","Raj: Great idea. I haven't had a carbohydrate in two weeks. These cheekbones need to be in front of a camera before I eat a pretzel and they're gone.","Leonard: Yeah, that sounds fun.","Sheldon: Oh, smashing. Now, Leonard, do you know how to get there?","Leonard: No.","Sheldon: Yeah, well luckily, someone in the car does.","GPS: Recalculating. While we're waiting, do you know which president signed the Intestate Highway System Act into law? The answer, coming up in 14 miles.","Sheldon: None of you will get it. It's Eisenhower.","Scene: The comic book store.","Bernadette: Why are they staring?","Amy: Who cares? Just soak it in. Hello, boys.","Stuart: Oh, hey. Could you please stop staring? They're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.","Penny: Hey, Stuart.","Stuart: What brings you guys here?","Bernadette: We were looking for a recommendation about comic books.","Stuart: Oh, well, I recommend you don't open a store and sell them.","Penny: No, we were just wondering why the guys like this stuff so much, so we thought we'd give it a try.","Stuart: Oh, okay. What do you think you might be into? Superhero, fantasy, graphic novels, manga... I swear I will turn a hose on you.","Bernadette: What kind of comics do the guys like?","Stuart: Um, a little bit of everything. Mostly superhero stuff.","Amy: All right, well, who's the best superhero?","Stuart: Shh! You can't ask a question like that in here. Are you trying to start a rumble?","Penny: Well then, what do you recommend?","Stuart: Well, uh, let's see. You've got your basic clean-cut good guys, Superman, Spider-Man, Captain America. Then you have your darker anti-heroes, your Batman, your Wolverine, Punisher.","Amy: Ooh, I do love a bad boy.","Penny: As evidenced by your boyfriend and his fear of hamsters.","Stuart: If I were you, I'd go for Fables number one. The artwork is sophisticated, it's intelligently written, and it doesn't objectify or stereotype women.","Penny: Ooh, Thor! He's hot.","Stuart: Yeah, he kind of is.","Scene: Vasquez Rocks. Sheldon, dressed as Data, is having his makeup put on by Raj, dressed as Worf.","Raj: And we're blending, and we're blending, and we're done.","Sheldon: I know Mr. Data isn't supposed to smile, but here it comes.","Howard (dressed as a Borg): Come on, guys. Let's do this.","Leonard (dressed as Captain Picard): Yeah, I'm sweating my bald cap off.","Howard: So what's our first pose going to be?","Raj: I say we begin with a classic Star Trek fight scene.","Leonard: I'll set the timer.","Howard: Sheldon, how is that a fight pose?","Sheldon: Mr. Data's weapon is his mind. I'm wielding it.","Raj: Phasers on the Borg! Charlie's Angels.","Howard: Okay, what's next?","Raj: Now let's do some sexy glamour shots. I'll set the mood. (Rhythmically) Oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, Yeah, nice one, oontz, oontz. That's right. Oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz...","Howard: Oh, my God. Leonard, someone's stealing your car!","Leonard: What? Hey, hey! Come back here!","Raj: Stop!","Sheldon: Stealing is against the law!","Leonard: I don't believe this.","Howard: Son of a bitch.","Raj: I'll call 911. What, oh, no, my phone is in my other pants.","Howard: Oh, so is mine.","Leonard: Mine, too. Anybody got any ideas?","Sheldon: Nope. The only thing left to do now is assign blame. (To Raj) Nice going.","Scene: The side of the road.","Leonard: What kind of a person steals another person's car in broad daylight?","Sheldon: What kind of person leaves his keys in the car?","Leonard: I thought we agreed this was all Koothrappali's fault.","Sheldon: You're right. Nice going.","Howard: Car.","Raj: What is wrong with people? Why don't they stop?","Sheldon: Maybe we're better off. What if we were to get in a car with a crazy person?","Leonard: Look at us, Sheldon. We're the crazy people.","Sheldon: Well, perhaps we should hold up a sign that assures passing motorists of our mental competence.","Howard: Good idea. Why don't you get started on that?","Leonard: Come on, let's just start walking. There's got to be a gas station or something nearby.","Sheldon: What, you think just because you're wearing a captain's uniform, you're in charge?","Leonard: Yes.","Sheldon: All right.","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Penny: Hmm, okay, I'm done. How did you guys finish so fast?","Bernadette: I don't know, there were a lot of pictures, and one page only had the word brakkadoom!","Penny: Yeah, well, I have street smarts.","Bernadette: So, what'd you guys think?","Amy: Well, there was a lot of action.","Penny: Mmm.","Amy: And the story moved along at a brisk pace. It was, overall, what's the word I'm looking for?","Penny: Stupid?","Amy: So stupid.","Penny: I don't know how Leonard can get so caught up in this.","Bernadette: It's crazy, they spend hours arguing about things that don't even exist.","Amy: What a waste of time.","Penny: I know. A hammer so heavy that no one else can pick it up?","Bernadette: I don't think it's heavy. It's some sort of magic, so only Thor can lift it.","Penny: That makes even less sense, I mean...","Amy: No, no, no, it doesn't. Thor is a god. The hammer is his, only he can use it. It's like Sheldon and his toothbrush. Or his thin, beckoning lips.","Penny: Okay, hang on, what if Thor's hand is on the hammer? I mean, if he's touching it with his god magic, does that mean I could lift it?","Bernadette: No.","Amy: Yes.","Penny: Well, which is it?","Amy: Maybe we missed something.","Bernadette: Let's read it again.","Penny: Okay.","Amy: Yeah.","Bernadette: You want some tea?","Amy: Good idea. I'll help you.","Penny: Wait, I thought we were reading.","Amy: We are. We're just, uh, giving you a head start.","Scene: The desert.","Howard: I wish my mom was here. We could all hang out in her shadow.","Raj: Wool pants in the desert. I feel like I've got poached testicles.","Leonard: Oh, you poor thing, you're sweating. That's so much worse than having your car stolen.","Raj: Insurance is gonna buy you a new car. It's not gonna de-funk my junk.","Sheldon: Gentlemen, a little less bellyaching. We're Starfleet officers and a member of the Borg Collective.","Leonard: Please, Sheldon, I am so not in the mood.","Sheldon: Leonard, all our lives we have dreamed of finding ourselves inside one of the fantasy worlds we love. And look at us. At this moment, we are, in fact, a Star Trek landing party stranded in an alien and unforgiving environment, relying only on our wits, our fortitude and our moxie. As long as we have those things, nothing can stop... Guys in Passing Car (throwing a drink over Sheldon): Nerds!","Sheldon: I hate this planet.","Scene: Penny's Apartment.","Amy: It says right here on the hammer, whoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.","Bernadette: Hold on, who decides who's worthy? Does the hammer decide?","Penny: Yes!","Amy: No! It can't decide. It's a hammer.","Penny: You said it's a magic hammer.","Amy: Yeah, but, it can't make decisions.","Penny: If Harry Potter's wand can make decisions, why can't Thor's hammer?","Amy: Okay, if you're going to start comparing wands and hammers, I can't even take you seriously.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene: A diner.","Sheldon: Hello. Hello. Uh, uh, uh, four glasses of water, please. Anything for you guys?","Leonard: Can I use your phone? Our car got stolen.","Waitress: Why don't you ask Scotty to beam you up?","Sheldon: Scotty was on the original series, and we're Next Generation. So, joke's on you.","Howard: We're not with him.","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Amy: You can't pick something up in outer space. In space, there is no up.","Penny: Oh, yeah? Then how does the sun come up every day?","Amy: Hard to argue with those kind of street smarts.","Bernadette: Leonard and Sheldon have boxes of comics across the hall. Why don't we go look at those?","Penny: Oh, great. Yes. And then you will see, I am not wrong, because if we were in outer space, then anyone could pick up the hammer because it would be floating around in a weightless environment. Yeah, that's right, the slow reader used science. Suck on that.","Scene: The diner.","Policeman: Was there anything valuable in the car?","Leonard: Our clothes, our wallets, phones.","Raj: And about three hundred dollars worth of makeup, so this thief could look like anyone right now.","Policeman: Makeup? Sure.","Leonard: Uh, we're going to the Comic-Con in Bakersfield. They have a big costume contest. It's cooler than it sounds.","Policeman: I don't know, sounds pretty cool.","Raj: It, it is. It's not just comic books. They've got action figures, toys, a Tron-themed dance party.","Leonard: Okay, he gets how cool it is.","Policeman: I think I have all I need here. You guys need me to call someone? I'm guessing your moms?","Leonard: Thanks, but we've got it covered.","Howard: Okay, I just talked to my mom. She arranged for us to get a rental car.","Raj: Great. We can still make it to Comic-Con.","Leonard: Are you kidding me? After all we've been through, I just want to go home.","Raj: Don't be like that. Come on, Howard, talk to him.","Howard: I'm with Leonard. I'm done.","Raj: Fine, then I guess it's two against two. How do we decide?","Sheldon: Actually, it's three against one.","Raj: What? What about the mission? You said we were a real-life landing party.","Sheldon: Yeah, well, we're not. We're an imaginary landing party who had real-life garbage thrown at us by real-life strangers who think we're idiots. And to tell you the truth, I'm starting to feel like one. I want to go home now.","Raj: Okay. Did we at least rent the car from Enterprise? Get it? Enterprise? Screw you. That's funny.","Scene: The apartment.","Bernadette: Well, what if the Hulk picked up Thor while Thor is holding the hammer?","Amy: Yeah?","Bernadette: Then by the transitive property of picking things up, Hulk picked up the hammer.","Amy: No. Hulk picked up Thor, Thor picked up the hammer.","Penny: Okay, hang on. If I go to a bar and pick up a guy, and he picks up a girl, and then we all leave together, did I pick up the girl?","Amy: Did that ever happen?","Penny: Hey, are we talking about me or are we talking about Thor?","Scene: The stairwell.","Sheldon: Well, I say that's the last time we ever go outside.","Amy (off): Look, right here. Red Hulk is picking up Thor's hammer 'cause Thor's touching it.","Penny (off): No, it's because they're in space. He's really just touching the strap.","Amy(off): The strap is part of the hammer.","Bernadette (off): No, it's not!","Raj: Are they actually arguing about comic books?","Leonard: No, that can't be right.","Howard: Maybe Thor's Hammer is a new colour of nail polish.","Bernadette (off): Then Red Hulk must be worthy.","Penny (off): How could Red Hulk be worthy?","Bernadette (off): You don't know his life.","Sheldon: There's only one logical explanation. Somewhere in the desert we crossed into an alternate dimension where the women in our lives can finally appreciate great literature.","Raj: If it's an alternate dimension, sounds like a job for a landing party.","Sheldon: Captain, what are your orders?","Leonard: I say we investigate.","Sheldon: Wait. They might be hostile.","Leonard: Fine, but set them to stun. If we vaporize Penny, I'll never find a girlfriend that pretty again.","Scene: Leonard's car.","GPS: Fun fact, President Eisenhower signed the Federal Aid Highway Act from his hospital room.","First Car Thief: Wow, that is interesting.","Second Car Thief: You learn something new every day.","GPS: Say, can you name the four state capitols that are not served by the interstate system?","First Car Thief: Ooh, another quiz.","Second Car Thief: Yes!"],"Show Title":"The Big Bang Theory","Episode Number":"06x13","Episode Title":"The Bakersfield Expedition","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Big_Bang_Theory_07x01.json","Recap":["During the summer Penny and Sheldon bond over missing Leonard. Penny calls Leonard, who is partying on the ship, clearly not missing her. Penny suggests exchanging secrets with Sheldon, saying she was topless in an unreleased horror movie - not new to Sheldon, as Howard found the clip when they first met. Sheldon's \"secret\" is disliking YouTube's new rating system - trivial to Penny, who almost leaves in annoyance, but stays and apologizes on realizing she hurt Sheldon's feelings. Leonard shows his shipmates Penny's movie. Meanwhile, Raj talks to the recently divorced Mrs. Davis at a university function, apologizing to her after initially insulting her with inappropriate statements about her marital problems. He insists he is not hitting on her, but later tells Howard they \"had a moment\". At a biology convention, Amy and Bernadette are surprised when two men buy them drinks. Bernadette implies Amy's enthusiasm stems from her hunger for romantic affection from Sheldon, but they make up until Bernadette reveals she was attracted to the man resembling Sheldon, Amy preferring the one resembling Howard."],"Transcript":["Scene: On the deck of a ship on the North Sea, in the middle of a storm. Leonard is on a sat-phone.","Leonard: Sheldon, it's not a great time, what do you want?","Sheldon (in the apartment): Hello to you, too. I'm sorry, but this is important.","Leonard: What is it?","Sheldon: Back to the Future II was in the Back to the Future III case, and Back to the Future III was, get this, in the Back to the Future II case.","Leonard: So?","Sheldon: So, did you do that, or am I in the house with an intruder?","Leonard: Sheldon, I got to go inside. It's getting rough out here.","Sheldon: You're dodging the question, I knew it was you. What was that?","Leonard: What was what?","Sheldon: This isn't a very good connection, but it sounded like someone just released a kraken.","Leonard: Okay, I'm hanging up now. You know there's no such thing as a k... (Leonard is attacked and dragged into the sea by a huge tentacle. Sheldon wakes up in bed.)","Sheldon: No!","Scene: Penny's apartment door.","Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.","Penny: What's the matter?","Sheldon: Um, well, I was worried that you might be missing Leonard. And that might be causing you to have bad dreams, like the kind you'd get if you watched Clash of the Titans right before you went to bed.","Penny: Sweetie, did you have a bad dream?","Sheldon: To be honest, I did.","Penny: Aw.","Sheldon: Back to the Future II was in the Back to the Future III case. Leonard did it.","Penny: Good night.","Sheldon: No, wait. Perhaps I should sleep here so you don't miss Leonard as much, uh, 'cause you're being kind of a baby about it.","Penny: You know what? That would make me feel better. Thank you.","Sheldon: You're welcome. Good night. Credits sequence.","Scene: The cafeteria.","Raj: I think you'd be pleased to hear that this morning in the parking garage I saw this oil stain on the ground that was shaped just like my ex-girlfriend, Lucy, and I didn't get upset at all.","Howard: I'm proud of you.","Raj: Well, you should be, 'cause she was looking good.","Sheldon: Dear Lord, you're an astronomer. Although you may have earthly woes, get your mind back on the stars. Gee, even the lowly dung beetle chooses to plot its course by using the Milky Way.","Raj: Is that true?","Sheldon: Everything I say is true. Now, of course, the dung beetle also enjoys eating faeces, living in faeces and making little balls out of faeces, so, you know, pick and choose which aspects of its lifestyle you want to embrace.","Howard: Come on, you can talk to girls now. It shouldn't be hard for you to meet someone new.","Raj: How can I meet someone new when everywhere I look, I see Lucy's face? Tell me you don't see her smile in the crust of this chicken pot pie.","Howard: Oh, will you stop it. Now, listen to me, there's a welcome party for incoming post-docs tonight. Go to it and meet someone who isn't made of grease or pie.","Raj: You think you're so cool because your wife is a person?","Howard: Look, Bernie's at a neuroscience conference with Amy, I'll go with you.","Raj: You would do that for me?","Howard: Of course. You're my friend. I want you to be happy.","Raj: Thanks. Oh, Sheldon, since Amy's out of town, would you like to join us?","Sheldon: I want you to be happy, too, but not enough to do anything about it.","Scene: A hotel room.","Bernadette (on phone): Howie, stop. I can't talk like that. Amy's right here.","Amy (on phone): Sheldon, stop. For the last time, I will not bring home bed bugs.","Bernadette: The hotel's nice. There's a pool, a gym, the bar looks like fun.","Amy: Because I looked in the bed, and there are no bugs.","Bernadette: Aw, I love you, too. If I don't talk to you before you go to sleep, I'll meet you in dreamland.","Amy: Good night. No, I will not consider sleeping in my garment bag.","Scene: The apartment.","Sheldon: Penny, did you ever wonder how Starfleet captains...","Penny: No.","Sheldon: Well, now that I've piqued your interest, welcome to the exciting world of 3D chess.","Penny: Why don't you just admit you only want to play this game because you always play it with Leonard and you miss him?","Sheldon: You overestimate his significance in my life.","Penny: Mmm.","Sheldon: Do I miss how he makes a face on my toaster waffle with syrup? No. Do I miss the way he fixes the zipper on my jacket when it gets stuck? I don't think so. Do I miss how we say good night to each other through the walls of our bedroom using Morse code? (Taps out No in morse code on the table)","Penny: Okay, I get it, I get it. You are an emotionless robot.","Sheldon: Well, I try.","Penny: All right, let's just get this stupid game over with.","Sheldon: Great. I'll go first.","Penny: Okay.","Sheldon: By the way, how are you with zippers?","Penny: Why?","Sheldon: Well, I really need to go to the bathroom, and this one's gone all cattywampus.","Scene: The mixer party.","Raj: Wow, your work on jellyfish neural nets sounds so interesting.","Girl: It is. You can download my paper off the university server.","Raj: I will. You can download my paper on the Van Allen Belts from the university server as well.","Girl: I will.","Raj: All right.","Howard: How'd it go?","Raj: Well, if you like dry, factual statements interspersed with painful moments of silence, it was bananas.","Howard: Check it out. Mrs. Davis from Human Resources is here. She's probably on the lookout for sexual harassment.","Raj: Oh, great. There go my chances of being sexually harassed.","Howard: I heard her husband left her for a hot, young undergrad.","Raj: That's so much better than the old, ugly ones.","Mrs Davis: Mr. Wolowitz, Dr. Koothrappali.","Howard: Mrs. Davis, nice to see you.","Raj: You know, I recently read a fascinating article on infidelity among penguins.","Mrs Davis: Okay.","Raj: So if the fact that your husband left you makes you feel unattractive, just remember, penguins get cheated on, and they're adorable.","Howard: It was better when you couldn't talk to women.","Scene: The hotel bar.","Bernadette: I was thinking of going to the lecture on posterior cingulate cortex lesions in the formation of autobiographical memory.","Amy: Oh, brain lesions are fascinating. Unless they're yours, then they're a drag.","Bernadette: To the advancement of science.","Amy: And to the sick and dying who make it possible.","Bernadette: This is fun, we never really get to talk shop with Penny around. We usually just end up talking about boys.","Amy: Which is fine, but it's nice to mix it up with a little intellectual conversation.","Waiter: From the two gentlemen at the bar.","Amy: Oh, my gosh, boys bought us drinks, boys bought us drinks. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much.","Bernadette: Be cool.","Amy: You be cool. Guys are hitting on us, and not just to get to Penny.","Bernadette: You're right. Thank you.","Scene: The apartment.","Sheldon: Ooh. Bad move.","Penny: Really? Why?","Sheldon: My queen can now take your rook from below.","Penny: So that means I lose, right? It's over?","Sheldon: If I make this move, but I won't because we're having too much fun.","Penny: Okay, let's take a break.","Sheldon: We're all out of alcohol.","Penny: I wasn't going to get alcohol. Gosh, I wonder what Leonard's doing right now. I miss him so much.","Sheldon: Well, if you'd like, we could call him. I mean that you could call him. As I've explained, the absence of my friends does not cause me pain. As rock and roll bad boy Paul Simon once said, I am a rock, I am an i-i-i-island.","Penny: I'm calling him.","Sheldon: Oh, goodie, put him on speaker phone. Leonard (on board boat, at a party, dancing): Excuse me, ladies, my pants are buzzing. North Sea, how can I kelp you?","Penny: Leonard?","Leonard: Penny? Hey, it's Penny. Everybody say hi to Penny.","Everybody: Hi, Penny!","Penny: Wow, it sounds like you're having a good time.","Leonard: Best time of my life.","Sheldon: Isn't it five thirty in the morning there?","Leonard: Is it? Hey, everybody, it's five thirty in the morning!","Penny: Uh, okay, well, we were just calling you because we were missing you.","Random voice: Iceberg!","Leonard: Uh-oh, hang on.","Sheldon: Are you in danger?","Leonard: No, it's a drinking game. Whenever we see an iceberg, we take a shot!","Everybody: Berg! Berg! Berg! Berg! Berg! Berg!","Penny: Leonard, Leonard? I cannot believe we were missing that jerk.","Sheldon: You were.","Scene: The hotel bar.","Amy: So what happened? How'd it go?","Bernadette: It's fine. I thanked them again and let them know we're not available.","Amy: So I can drink this without having to give up the goodies?","Bernadette: Yes, it's all cool. Although, if you wanted to talk to one of them, no one would blame you.","Amy: And why would no one blame me?","Bernadette: I don't know what I'm saying.","Amy: Well, it sounds like you're saying that I could do better than Sheldon.","Bernadette: Boy, these drinks are strong. Hoo, mama, I'm gonna be huggin' the toilet tonight.","Amy: No, tell me, I want to know what you meant by that.","Bernadette: I just meant that you're not married and your boyfriend's kind of, Sheldon.","Amy: And your husband is extremely Howard. What's your point?","Bernadette: Sorry. I have no point. That was a stupid thing to say. Can we please just go back to having a nice time?","Amy: We could, but unfortunately my brain is lesion-free and I remember that rotten thing you just said about my sweet baboo.","Bernadette: Come on. I apologize. Can we please just let it go?","Amy: Sure.","Bernadette: Thanks.","Amy: Your husband's weird and his clothes are ridiculous.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene: The apartment.","Penny: I can't believe it. All this time I've been doing nothing but sit around and miss that guy. And you know what the worst part is?","Sheldon: That you're having to process your emotional pain without vodka?","Penny: No. Yeah. But you know what the second-worst part is? He does not miss me at all.","Sheldon: Allow me to comfort you. At least you've got your health.","Penny: Really? That, that's it? That's comforting?","Sheldon: Um, uh, in a hundred years, you'll both be dead and it won't matter?","Penny: No. Come on, you're supposed to say, of course he misses you, the only reason he's partying is to cover up his pain.","Sheldon: Oh, no, I don't think that's true at all.","Penny: This is ridiculous. Why am I upset just because he's off having a good time?","Sheldon: Well, perhaps you're obsessively picturing him engaged in drunken coitus with another woman. Is that it? Did I get it right?","Penny: Okay, that, that's great. You can stop trying to make me feel better now.","Sheldon: Actually, I can't. Before Leonard left, he made me promise that I'd take care of you.","Penny: He did?","Sheldon: Yes.","Penny: Oh, that's really sweet.","Sheldon: Plus, if I do a good job, he said he'd bring me back a sailor's cap.","Penny: Well, now I miss him even more.","Sheldon: Well, if it's any consolation, I'm sure Leonard's tormented every moment he's away from your warm embrace and cherry lips.","Penny: Thanks.","Sheldon: Oh, seriously?","Scene: The mixer.","Raj: Uh, excuse me, Mrs. Davis?","Mrs Davis: What?","Raj: I'd like to apologize for being insensitive. And for possibly making penguins seem like jerks, because 99% of them are stand-up guys.","Mrs Davis: Forget about it.","Raj: You know, you, you and I, you and I have a lot in common.","Mrs Davis: Is that right?","Raj: Oh, yes, I, I too am in the throes of heartbreak. Okay, fine, I'll tell you about it.","Scene: The apartment.","Sheldon: Here is a hot beverage to comfort you. It's in a to-go cup. Make of that what you will.","Penny: Come on. It's still early. Let's do something.","Sheldon: Well, I have been toying around with an idea for 4D chess.","Penny: How about we just talk?","Sheldon: All right. In 4D chess...","Penny: No. Come on, let's talk about our lives. Tell me something about you I don't know.","Sheldon: I own nine pairs of pants.","Penny: Okay, that, that's a good start, but I was thinking maybe something a little more personal.","Sheldon: I see. I own nine pairs of underpants.","Penny: How about I go first?","Sheldon: But I don't want to know how many underpants you own. Although, based on the floor of your bedroom, I'd say it's a thousand.","Penny: Okay, look, here's something people do not know about me. When I first moved out to L.A., I did a topless scene in a low-budget horror movie about a killer gorilla. Ugh! After I did it, I felt so ashamed. Thankfully, that thing never came out.","Sheldon: I've seen that. Yeah. Serial Apeist. Howard found it online the day we met you.","Penny: Oh, God.","Sheldon: And it was literally the moment you walked out the door. But I see the type of personal revelations you're going for. Okay, here's one I thought I'd take to the grave.","Penny: Okay.","Sheldon: Hmm. A while back, YouTube changed its user interface from a star-based rating system to a thumbs-up rating system. I tell people I'm okay with it, but I'm really not.","Penny: That's your big revelation?","Sheldon: Yes. Whew, I feel ten pounds lighter.","Penny: Okay, you know what? I give up. I'm going to bed.","Sheldon: Here's something else you don't know about me. You just hurt my feelings.","Penny: What did I do?","Sheldon: I opened up and shared something deeply upsetting to me, and you treated it as if it were nothing.","Penny: I, I didn't think it was a big deal.","Sheldon: It is to me; that's the point.","Penny: Sheldon, you are right. I'm really sorry. I should've known better.","Sheldon: Your apology is accepted.","Penny: Thank you. How about a hug?","Sheldon: How about a hearty handshake?","Penny: Come on.","Sheldon: Now I know how you felt getting mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.","Scene: The hotel room.","Bernadette: Good night.","Amy: Mm-hmm. It was rather flattering to have strangers send us drinks.","Bernadette: Yeah, that felt nice.","Amy: Maybe tomorrow morning we put on some hot pants and see if we can score us some free omelettes.","Bernadette: So, hypothetically, if, if we were to have gone with them, which one would you have picked?","Amy: I think I would have gone with the short one with the goofy haircut.","Bernadette: Oh, good, 'cause I liked the tall thin one. He seemed intelligent, kind of a loner, maybe a little sexually inexperienced, like I'd have to teach him a thing or two.","Amy: Not my guy. I caught him staring at my rack. It'd be nice to be with a man who wants to know what's underneath my cardigan. FYI, it's another cardigan.","Bernadette: Your short sexed-up guy kind of sounds like Howard.","Amy: Your brainy virgin kind of sounds like Sheldon.","Both: Good night.","Scene: The mixer.","Mrs Davis: All right, Dr. Koothrappali, it's been nice talking to you, but I need to go home and relieve my babysitter.","Raj: Yeah, I can relate to being a single parent. I have a dog.","Mrs Davis: Yeah, it's exactly the same thing. Good night.","Raj: Mrs. Davis, I, uh, I must confess, I came here tonight in a futile attempt to pick up some lonely postdoc, but instead I got to connect with you at a human level. That's a much better evening. You're a lovely person.","Mrs Davis: Are you hitting on me?","Raj: No, no, no, that would be crazy. I mean, if I were hitting on you, you'd know it 'cause you'd feel uncomfortable and a little sad for me.","Mrs Davis: You're sweet. Good night, Dr. Koothrappali.","Raj: Good night.","Howard: Looks like she accepted your apology.","Raj: And then some. I think we had a moment.","Howard: Oh, please, you did not have a moment.","Raj: Who died and made you king of moments?","Howard: Okay, fine. Let's say there was a moment.","Raj: There was.","Howard: There wasn't. But, but even if there was, what are you gonna do about it?","Raj: I will slowly seduce her until she falls helpless into my bed, hungry for the pleasure only I can give her.","Howard: So nothing.","Raj: No, not a thing.","Scene: A bathroom shower.","Penny (acting): Ah, I'm so glad the police finally caught that psychotic genetically engineered ape.","Leonard (on ship): That is my girlfriend. I swear to God.","Everyone (on ship): Leonard! Leonard! Leonard! Leonard!","Penny: Aaaaaaah!"],"Show Title":"The Big Bang Theory","Episode Number":"07x01","Episode Title":"The Hofstadter Insufficiency","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Big_Bang_Theory_07x17.json","Recap":["Penny informs the group she has turned down a role in the sequel to the bad horror movie she starred in - \"Serial Apeist\". Later, Penny's car breaks down leaving her no way to get to auditions, so she considers resuming her Cheesecake Factory job. Leonard surprises her with a new car, so she can further pursue her acting career. Sheldon insults Howard, and Bernadette wants to know why he always does so. Sheldon details a decade of pranks and abuse. Howard wants to be a better friend and invites Sheldon to a weekend at NASA in Houston where Howard has a speaking engagement and Sheldon can visit his mother later. On the flight, both are frightened by clear-air turbulence and each admits respecting the other as a friend without whom life would be empty. Raj asks Amy to reply to Emily who contacted his dating website. Raj thus appears too passive, turning her off. She and Amy have much in common and enjoy tea together until Raj shows up uninvited and interrupts them, putting off Emily and ruining any chance of friendship with either."],"Transcript":["Sceme: The apartment","Bernadette: Raj, your tag's sticking out.","Raj: Thank you. That was the closest I've come to s*x in, like, two years.","Bernadette: Now I feel a little gross.","Raj: You're only making it seem more real for me.","Howard: Hey, that's my wife. If anyone's gonna make her feel gross about s*x, it's me.","Raj: Can we please talk about something other than my depressing love life?","Sheldon: How about Penny's depressing acting career?","Leonard: Hey. I mean, it's been a little tough, but Penny's following her dreams, and in my book, that is not depressing.","Penny: Aw, thank you.","Howard: Is that book called Lies I Tell to Get s*x?","Raj: Is that a real book? I would totally read that book.","Amy: Can I borrow it when you're done?","Penny: Well, I'll have you guys know I turned down a part in a movie last week.","Leonard: Why would you do that?","Penny: Because it was crap. It's a sequel to that awful killer gorilla movie I was in.","Bernadette: Serial Ape-ist? I thought you died in that.","Sheldon: She does. 42 minutes in.","Raj: While showering topless, 16 minutes after brief side butt during a pillow fight with her sorority sisters.","Sheldon: I have an eidetic memory. I don't know what his problem is.","Penny: Okay, well, there are no shower scenes in this one. They just try to clone me from my corpse, but my DNA gets mixed with the ape's DNA and I end up running around with giant gorilla hands and feet.","Sheldon: Am I missing something, or isn't that the part she was born to play? Credits sequence.","Scene: The apartment.","Leonard: So are you really not gonna do this movie?","Penny: Well, I don't think it's the kind of part that's good for my career.","Leonard: Well, but don't a lot of famous actors get their start doing bad movies?","Penny: Okay, I don't think Meryl Streep ever had to say \"Must keep gorilla hands from killing again!\"","Raj: If she did, it would be amazing. That woman can do no wrong.","Leonard: I don't know anything about show business, so if you think it's reasonable to turn down paid work and just burn through your savings, I'm sure you know what you're doing.","Amy: I think we're gonna go.","Sheldon: Are you sure? We were making fun of failed careers. We didn't get to tap the juicy vein that is Howard's.","Howard: Hey, I work at the same university you do.","Sheldon: Yes, and Hawkeye's in the Avengers, but no one ever says help, Hawkeye.","Bernadette: Can I ask you something? Why do you constantly feel the need to put down my husband?","Penny: Oh, I'm sure he does it out of love. The same way my boyfriend makes me feel terrible about my life choices.","Amy: I think we're gonna go.","Leonard: No, no, no. This is not a fight. I was just excited that someone offered you a part and a little surprised that you'd rather sit at home and do nothing than take it. Now it's a fight.","Sheldon: Well, with that sorted out, I'm happy to answer your question, Bernadette. Howard started it.","Howard: I didn't do anything. I was just sitting here.","Sheldon: I wasn't referring to this evening. Ten years ago, upon first seeing me, your husband claimed that I looked like C-3PO and Pee-wee Herman. And he called me C-3P-wee Herman.","Raj: Ha-a-a. Still funny.","Bernadette: That was ten years ago.","Sheldon: Nine years, 11 months and three weeks ago, he followed that up by replacing the slides for my lecture with photographs of nude fat women bending over.","Amy: Really?","Howard: The lecture was on cosmic gas clouds. That's funny.","Raj: I was there. It was funny.","Sheldon: In any event, that began a decade-long progression of insults, pranks and unwanted magazine subscriptions. To this day, I still get a monthly copy of Granny on Granny. Which, other than its surprisingly fun puzzle page, is complete filth.","Scene: The street","Amy: Thanks for walking me to my car.","Raj: Actually, it's for both of us. Last night, I watched West Side Story, and I'm a little freaked out by street gangs.","Amy: Why can't Raj find a girl? The mystery continues.","Raj: I don't appreciate your sarcasm, but we've still got two blocks to go, so I'll put up with it.","Amy: Whatever happened with your online dating?","Raj: No one was writing me back, so I stopped checking my profile.","Amy: Before I met Sheldon, I was ready to give up, too. Once, I even dropped in on my OBGYN just to get some human contact.","Raj: It has been a while since I got my prostate checked.","Amy: Then I met Sheldon and look at where we are now.","Raj: What? You've kissed, like, once in three years.","Amy: That's true. Do whatever you want.","Scene: Sheldon's office.","Howard: Hey.","Sheldon: Hello.","Howard: Listen, I was thinking you and I could probably try to be better friends.","Sheldon: Really? I was thinking what we have now is a bit much.","Howard: Seriously, I was talking to Bernadette last night and she made some great points. You and I have known each other a long time, and I didn't hear the rest 'cause she took her bra off.","Sheldon: Very well. How do you propose we move forward?","Howard: Uh, for starters, we could stop insulting each other.","Sheldon: That's a great idea. And in the spirit of our new arrangement, I will mask my surprise that you came up with it.","Howard: Anyway, I got invited to do a little talk at NASA in Houston this weekend. They gave me two tickets. Bernadette can't go. You want to come with me? You can visit your mom, and I'll show you around the space centre.","Sheldon: I have one question. Is this a prank where we land in Houston and you've made up wanted posters that have my face with a moustache and a Spanish name and then I get arrested and deported to South America?","Howard: No.","Sheldon: I'm glad because I would not have seen that coming.","Scene: Amy's lab.","Raj: Amy, I could use some help.","Amy: Oh. Let me guess. There's an undergrad in a leather jacket snapping his fingers by the water fountain.","Raj: I thought about what you said last night, and I went back on the dating Web site and I was looking at this girl's profile. She's amazing.","Amy: Oh, she's cute. And smart. Phi Beta Kappa.","Raj: And judging by her lack of Adam's apple, she's been female her entire life. I like that in a woman.","Amy: Great, so what do you need me for?","Raj: Well, I was up all night trying to write to her, but I wanted to run it by you first.","Amy: All right.","Raj: Emily, your face is like a precious dew-kissed flower.","Amy: Wow.","Raj: I know. Powerful stuff, huh?","Amy: No. You're supposed to be yourself, not all desperate and creepy.","Raj: Okay, I'm getting some mixed messages here.","Amy: Just say something normal like, I saw your profile. Looks like we have a lot in common, let's get a cup of coffee sometime.\"","Raj: Yes. Where I can be jealous of the cup touching your ruby lips. Or you just write it for me.","Amy: I'm not gonna pretend to be you.","Raj: I don't want you to pretend to be me. You can be like my, uh, online wingman. Like if we met her at a bar and you talked me up.","Amy: Well, what would I say to her?","Raj: Just tell her what I'm really like. And, if you think it'll help, that you saw me changing once and my package reminded you of the muscular tail of a jaguar. Use your own words.","Scene: Penny's car.","Sheldon: Thanks again for taking me to the pharmacy.","Penny: Oh, it's no problem. Is everything okay?","Sheldon: Oh, I'm fine. It's just some, uh, stomach medication for my trip. There's the remote yet distinct possibility that I may end up in South America.","Penny: Remember the old days when I would've said something dumb like why? Uh, that doesn't sound good.","Sheldon: Remember the old days when I used to point out that your check engine light was on?","Penny: Yes.","Sheldon: Well, get ready to stroll down memory lane. Penny, your check engine...","Penny: Yeah, I know it's on, Sheldon. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I cannot afford this right now.","Sheldon: Maybe it's just something minor. Ooh, good news, the light just went out.","Scene: The apartment.","Leonard: Are we playing individual or teams?","Raj: Teams are fun.","Sheldon: Oh, in that case, I'd like to be partnered with my good friend Howard.","Raj: But I'm always on Howard's team. We're best friends. The kind who finish each others...","Howard: I really don't think we do tha...","Raj: Do that. See?","Penny: Oh, hi.","Leonard: Oh, how'd it go at the mechanic?","Penny: Not great. Can I talk to you for a sec?","Leonard: Yeah, sure.","Raj: Maybe I can go with you guys to Houston?","Howard: Isn't it a little late to get plane tick...","Raj: Plane tickets? Yeah.","Howard: Will you please sto...","Raj: Stop that? Okay.","Scene: The stairwell.","Penny: I don't know what to do. My car threw a rod and it's totaled. I can't afford a new one, I have no job, and now I can't drive to auditions.","Leonard: I'm so sorry. I know it's a sensitive subject, but can you reconsider that part in the movie?","Penny: I did. I called them. The part's gone. They gave it to someone else. Now that girl's gonna get discovered and become famous and go on Letterman and talk about how she got her big break on a cheap monkey movie all because some dumb girl thought it was beneath her.","Leonard: At least they talked about you on Letterman. Come on, I can drive you wherever you need to go.","Penny: How? Unlike me, you have a job. I'm just gonna have to go back to being a waitress, like I will be for the rest of my life.","Sheldon: Leonard, would you wrap it up? We're waiting on you.","Penny: I'm sorry, is the fact that my life's falling apart interfering with your board game?","Sheldon: It is. You were wrong, friend Howard. She completely understood.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene: Amy's lab.","Raj: Hey, you busy?","Amy: No. What's up?","Raj: Have you heard back from Emily?","Amy: I have.","Raj: Great. And?","Amy: And I'm afraid she doesn't think you're right for her.","Raj: I give you one simple thing to do, contact a complete stranger and make her fall in love with me, and you blow it.","Amy: I told her what a good guy you are, but she thought it was a bad sign that you didn't write to her yourself. She thought it made you seem too shy and passive.","Raj: I'm not too shy and passive. You write her back and tell her I said that. You know, when you have a second.","Amy: Look, I'll see if I can change her mind tomorrow night.","Raj: What's happening tomorrow night?","Amy: I'm meeting her for coffee.","Raj: What?","Amy: Well, we just, we e-mailed back and forth a bit, and we kind of hit it off.","Raj: I find a girl I like, and you're stealing her?","Amy: No. We just ended up having a lot in common. We went to Harvard, we like Chaucer, we're both hardcore into quilting.","Raj: Your words fall like acid rain on the wounded petals of my heart.","Scene: Bernadette's car.","Howard: That's Sheldon. He says he'll be down in a minute.","Bernadette: What are you doing?","Howard: Oh, he's not coming out until he sees proof you don't have an air freshener in your car.","Bernadette: This is gonna be a long weekend for you.","Howard: You're the reason I'm doing it.","Bernadette: I said to stop insulting each other. I didn't tell you to take him on a romantic getaway.","Howard: How do I know what you said? Damn you and your noise-cancelling breasts.","Sheldon: Hello.","Bernadette: Hi.","Howard: Hey, buddy.","Bernadette: You excited for Texas?","Sheldon: Oh, very much so.","Howard: It's not every day you get to tour NASA with a real astronaut.","Sheldon: Oh, who's the real astronaut?","Howard: Buzz Aldrin.","Sheldon: Oh. Yay.","Scene: An airplane.","Sheldon: (Tap, tap, tap) Howard? (Tap, tap, tap) Howard? (Tap, tap, tap) Howard?","Howard: What now?","Sheldon: I have to go to the bathroom.","Howard: You just went to the bathroom.","Sheldon: But I didn't use it because it didn't seem safe. Despite all my e-mails, the toilet didn't have a seatbelt.","Howard: Well, it still doesn't.","Sheldon: I realize that, but safety concerns went out the window two apple juices ago.","Howard: Fine.","Sheldon: Why are you getting annoyed?","Howard: I'm trying to be a better friend, but you constantly say and do irritating things.","Sheldon: Like when?","Howard: When? How about in the car? I'm an astronaut, and you know it. You just don't like admitting it, because you're jealous.","Sheldon: Well, truth be told, as a child, I did dream of going to space. Those astronauts were my heroes. And when you got to go, it was hard for me.","Howard: Thank you.","Sheldon: Because it made me realize they'll just send anyone up there. Aren't you going to let me out?","Howard: No.","Sheldon: But I still need to use the bathroom.","Howard: Here you go. Be creative. What's the matter? Scared of a little turbulence?","Sheldon: No, turbulence is just the equalization of diurnal temperature variations in the atmosphere. I'm not scared at all. Oh, apple juice, stay where you are.","Howard: Oh, this is nothing. I experienced way worse when I was plummeting back to Earth, apparently not being a real astronaut. Okay, that was a big one.","Sheldon: I take it back. I'm scared of turbulence!","Howard: I'm gonna need that bag back.","Scene: Penny's apartment.","Leonard: You sure you want to do this?","Penny: Yeah. Why wouldn't I want to get my old job back? It'll be fun to see everyone. I haven't talked to them since I said I quit, see you at the Oscars, bitches. Come on, let's just get this over with.","Leonard: Let's get this over with. Am I driving you to the Cheesecake Factory, or are we having s*x? I'm just, I'm trying to lighten the mood.","Penny: I know. Thank you.","Leonard: Sorry.","Penny: It's just so humiliating.","Leonard: So humiliating? Am I driving you to the Cheesecake Factory...? I'm sorry. I'll. I'll stop. I'll stop.","Scene: Outside the building.","Leonard: Come on, don't look so sad. You never know what's gonna happen. Maybe tonight will be great.","Penny: Sweetie, I know you're trying to make me feel better, and I love you for that, but it's making me feel worse, and I kind of hate you. This isn't your car.","Leonard: I know. I thought we'd take yours.","Penny: I don't understand.","Leonard: It's nothing fancy, but it'll get you to auditions, and at least for now, you don't have to go back to waitressing.","Penny: I don't know what to say.","Leonard: Don't say anything.","Penny: Oh, my God.","Leonard: I mean, you could say thank you. I did just buy you a car.","Scene: A coffee shop.","Amy: Look, I admit that it's odd that Rajesh didn't write to you himself, but if you get to know him, you'll see he's just a sweet, regular guy. As a counterpoint, here he is, uninvited and visibly sweaty.","Raj: Hello, Emily.","Emily: Hello.","Raj: Amy told me you were concerned that I might be too passive and shy. Let me ask you something. Would a passive guy barge in here to look you in the eye and say, hey, dew-kissed flower, what's up?","Emily: No, but a weird guy with no boundaries might.","Raj: Uh, okay, that's a separate issue. Let's put a pin in that and just focus on the passive thing.","Emily: I'm leaving.","Amy: Are we still going to go to that Chaucer reading Friday?","Emily: You know, I think I'm just gonna go by myself.","Raj: Not my best first date. Yeah, but not my worst, either.","Scene: The airplane.","Sheldon: I'm sorry for every mean thing I ever did or said to you.","Howard: I'm sorry, too. It's all my fault.","Sheldon: If you weren't my friend, there'd be a hole in my life.","Howard: Thank you, Sheldon.","Sheldon: Kind of like when Firefly was cancelled. But not as big.","Announcement: The captain has turned off the fasten seat belt sign. You're now free to move about the cabin.","Howard: It's over.","Sheldon: Yeah.","Howard: Should we stop holding hands now?","Sheldon: In a minute.","Howard: Okay, good."],"Show Title":"The Big Bang Theory","Episode Number":"07x17","Episode Title":"The Friendship Turbulence","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Brokenwood_Mysteries_05x01.json","Recap":["It's the annual Brokenwood A&P show, time for that special kind of Kiwi carnival! Amidst the shearing displays, the 'Calf Day' competition and wood chopping, is the usual assortment of fun rides and fairground attractions. The sun is shining on happy family entertainment and ever popular this year is the shonky old Ghost Train. But when the surly A&P boss Harold Wilbury takes the minute-long ride as a safety check he gets the fright of his life. Shunted in his carriage through the final curtain, Harold greets daylight wide-eyed and dead. He is quite literally gone in 60 seconds. When a man dies of fright surely there is no question of murder - it's just a case of bad luck. Then again how scary was the Ghost Train ride really? <br \/>Curiously, Madame Magdalena in the Fortune Teller's tent predicted the tragedy. Was that coincidence or a way of adding credence to her credibility? The Ghost Train operator, Johnny Oades, swears it's nothing to do with him, but there is a question over falsified health and safety checks. And why is Daisy Rose the fairy princess so unhappy?"],"Transcript":["[\"Ghost of This Town\" plays]","I'm the ghost of this town I'm the ghost of this town I say things I don't mean to people I don't know I'm the ghost of this town [Grunts] Nice day for it. Roxy not with you? Down south at a kickboxing tournament. Might go check out the giant pumpkins. Yeah, they're, uh, worth a look. [Crowd chanting \"Simon! Simon!\"]","[Grunts]","Yeah!","[Crowd cheering]","Strongest man in the world! I am Simon! Yeah!","BOY: Whoo-hoo!","[Laughs]","Jesus.","[Growls]","I warned you. Stop messing around. What? Giving people what they want? This is a family show. Pull your socks up, girl. I'm a fairy. Don't wear socks. All I know is it's not working at the moment. Of course it's working! A small technical issue. It will be sorted uno momento. - Who the hell are you? - Frodo. Well, where's Johnny? He was supposed to meet me here. He just asked me to hold the fort while he sorted out the emergency safety fuse. Hey, it's nothing. It's bloody safe the way it is, all right? Don't shoot the messenger, dude. I'm just doing my cousin a favor. - Listen, Flippo - Frodo. I'm gonna take a ride through to deem it safe. When I'm out the other side, start taking the tickets. You're eating one of my hot dogs. - You made this? - Yeah, I call it a Frododog. 11 secret herbs and spices. You should call it a Fidodog. Tastes like dog roll. Ladies and gentlemen, things will soon be under way after a small, infinitesimal glitch! Be prepared. Get ready to be scared to death!","[Laughs]","[Evil laughter]","Pull the bloody lever!","[Cellphone ringing]","[Scary music plays]","Yeah, what do you want? She's not in there. Ah, well, c'est la vie. Don't look so relieved. I can't pretend to be a believer. Well, it's just meant to be a bit of fun. - Might've learned something. - Like what? I don't know. The future.","DIANE: Not likely. She was in the middle of reading my tarot, lost the plot, and left. - Bad news?","- DIANE: Bad business. Hope I get a refund.","[Gasping]","- Ewan. - [Ringing]","WOMAN: Hello? Are you there?","[Brakes screech]","Ghost.","WOMAN: What service to do you require? Police, fire, or ambulance? Hello? Apparently his last word was \"ghost. \" I'm not sure if that's profound or just telling it like it is. All the classic signs of a cardiac arrest. It must've been one scary ride. I guess so. Uh, sorry, D. S. S. Mike Shepherd.","- D. C.","Breen. - Off duty. Aren't we all? Dr. Jackie Lee. Probably an underlying condition, although men of a certain age do enter the danger zone. God, I thought you were getting butterflies. She did it.","DR.","LEE: Angry fairies, heart attacks.","It's all fun and games at the A&P this year. Nice meeting you, and good luck with your day off. As a matter of interest, the deceased was the owner of the amusement rides. Harold Wilbury. The Wilbury Brothers. They travel the country bringing joy to the provinces. A family business for three generations. You do realize you're not actually working, right? I was curious.","BREEN: Good thing you're not a cat. You should, uh, get on with your day.","SIMS: Sure.","BREEN: Chess, A&P shows. I'll be giving a best-man speech next. I didn't know you were mates with Kahu. I'm not, really, but knowing Kristin, I thought - So, bridesmaid, then.","- MARTY: It's okay, Simon. Simon, it'll be okay. - Argh! - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! - Whoa! - Octopus! Whoa! Steady, brother! Hey, hey, hey. Deep breaths. - Deep breaths.","- SANDRA: Sorry. Simon's Harold's brother. He's a He's a little bit on the simple side. He's just trying to comprehend what's happened. Difficult to understand at the best of times. I'm really strong. I can crush things with my bare hands. - Come on. - Good to know. Okay. That's enough Simon. That's enough. Come on. Let's get you a hot drink.","MARTY: Let's go and get a hot drink.","BREEN: I remember taking this ride as a kid. It's not that scary.","[Keyboard clacking, telephone ringing in distance]","[Knock on door]","Mike. Sorry to disturb. For you, Mike, it is never a bad time. Harold Wilbury. The man from the Ghost Train? I'm waiting to hear from the coroner to see if he wants me to get stuck in. You didn't notice anything unusual? No. He was stripped, and I put him in the fridge. Routine, then? I think so. - Can I ask you a question? - Of course. If you were dying, what do you think your last words would be?","[Speaking Russian]","I would like to Facebook my mum and dad to tell them I love them. You can't always rely on the phones. Can you do me a favor? - You were at the A&P show?","- SHEPHERD: Never miss it. Sun, food, rural displays, country music. What's not to like? In Russia, we have similar days, but it's all bears and yaks and Kalashnikovs. Uh, Dr. Lee indicated all the hallmarks of severe myocardial infarction. Do you see that?","Can you KADINSKY: Traces of blood.","SHEPHERD: What do you think, mosquito? Snake? Perhaps a vampire. Except vampires aren't real. Neither are ghosts, but he was on a train made for ghosts.","SHEPHERD: And New Zealand is snake-free. Only an autopsy will explain them. I'll call the coroner.","[Engine shuts off]","A&P shows. Never a dull moment. You wanna come in for a quickie? - Speed chess? - Yeah. And there was that game of tennis you promised. Did I promise that? A promise is in the ear of the beholder. Isn't that what they say? No, that's not one I've ever heard. Until now. Okay. Sounds good.","[Cellphone ringing]","Sorry. Your husband calling. Hold that thought. Not the one about Mike being my husband. That's all kinds of weird. Mike. Yeah. Um, okay. Ah, okay. Yep. Got it.","[Cellphone beeps]","Okay, so KAHU: Another time, perhaps?","Occupational hazard.","[Sighs]","- Vampires? - Snakes? Obviously neither. So the marks on his neck are connected how? By being unexplained. Gina is continuing a detailed examination. It wasn't a heart attack, then? Oh, it was. Postmortem confirmed that.","SIMS: So what are we thinking happened?","SHEPHERD: Well, if I knew that, I wouldn't have called you. He's got his hunch on. I feel like by the end, death by vampire is gonna be the easy option. Come on, fella. I can't just stop. - We're on a schedule. - It's a precaution.","SANDRA: Can I help? This cop wants me to stop. Sorry, why? We need to firm up the exact cause of Mr. Wilbury's death for the coroner. Well, we have to get our equipment off-site before the council start charging extra. Where is my brother? Oh. At the mortuary. Oh. Then we'll collect him and be on our way. Uh, we'll need to clear that with the coroner. My brother had a heart attack. We want him here so we can show our respects.","SHEPHERD: And I assure you that will happen as soon as possible.","- MARTY: But not today?","- SHEPHERD: Not today. Why the interest in the Ghost Train? Because it's where he died. That's it? Are you saying it's a crime scene? Not necessarily.","SANDRA: So I don't understand. But it could be? It's a sudden death, so we need to look at everything, including exactly where he died. That's all. Sounds like a crime scene. You can appreciate it's been a hell of a day. There's There's a lot of sadness in the team. I'm sure. - You have a warrant? - No. See, that says a lot right there. Look, I would like to do this with your cooperation, - if that's okay. - Yeah, and why would I do that? Because if something untoward happened to your brother, wouldn't you want to know? Well, of course. Then perhaps we should take a look. Yeah, just, look, leave the Ghost Train there. Right. Best we set up camp, then.","[Sniffs]","Argh! Simon. Simon, come on. Move, move.","[Cow moos]","JOHNNY: People get in the carriage.","I pull the lever. They go through the doors, get some scares, come out here buzzing. Good times, man. The most popular ride in the Wilbury empire. How long does it take?","JOHNNY: A minute. You can get a lot of scares into a minute. It's value for money. No question. I remember riding it first time as a kid. Changed my life. I was 5 years old, and I knew that when I grew up, I wanted to be the guy that pulled the lever. But you weren't pulling the lever when Mr. Wilbury went through. Nah. Had to let Harold know it was inoperable due to a missing fuse on the emergency brake. So I got my cousin to hold the fort. You're Frankie Oades' cousin? Frodo. Wouldn't that mean Frodo needed an operator's license? He was meant to hold the fort, not fire the bloody thing up. The ride worked even with a burned-out fuse? Independent circuit. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of an emergency brake? Why? It's only for emergencies. And besides, it wasn't burned out. It was missing. You're saying it was removed? Or maybe it just fell out. In my experience, fuses don't just fall out. - You're a detective, right?","- BREEN: Yeah. - So not an electrician, then. - Uh, uh [Clears throat] Track Frodo down. So you and Harold had separated? Yeah, not that long ago. Six months. Look, I knew how to run the business, and Harold charged around telling everyone what to do. It worked, so when we split, that was personal, not business, so I was always going to stick around. This is what I know. You say personal? We grew apart. It happens. Still, it must've been awkward.","SANDRA: No. Not really. Harold and I lived the same life, just in separate caravans. Um, having been married, you'd be aware of any underlying heart issues? He'd had a medical recently. He was given the all-clear. A medical for life-insurance purposes? No, a bank loan, to expand things. So as far as you know, he didn't have any life insurance? Do we look like the sort of people that could stretch to that kind of thing? Sorry. Uh, Sims, time to take the tour. Thanks. The Mothership. People track down here and then around there. - That's the Ghost Snake. - [Snake hissing] We call him Fang.","[Chuckles]","And that's the Ghost Bride. We call her Bonnie. The veil lifts, and there's the skeleton. Kind of funny but also freaky as. With dry ice and spooky music, people get a real kick. Works every time. Watch this.","[Laughs evilly]","Yep. This way. - [Lid creaks] - I want to suck your blood! Cool, huh? That's the Ghost Vampire. We call him the Count.","[Evil moaning]","That's Bob.","SHEPHERD: The Ghost Ghost? You got it. That's a lot of ghosts. Well, it's called the Ghost Train. A train full of ghosts. And this all takes a minute. 12 scares, one every five seconds. Is there any access other than the entrance and exit? Never use it unless the saloon doors get jammed or something. I presume it's not locked.","JOHNNY: Well, nah. It's for emergencies. You don't want to be fumbling for your keys when you're in a hurry, right? Wouldn't be safe. Engine trouble. Not just that. Generator running the fridge has stopped. Gonna lose all my sausages if I don't get it started. I thought you were a mechanic. Apprentice, before it all turned to crap. Listen, I need a statement. You were operating the Ghost Train when Harold Wilbury Oh, come on, man, I only pulled the lever and only 'cause that Harold dude told me to. Still gonna need a statement. So when you get back on the road, swing by the station, okay? Fine. Want me to call a towie? Nah, too expensive. Hey, could you hold something for me? A man goes on a ride and exits after 60 seconds, dying moments later from a severe coronary attack. His last word being [Door closes] Plus, he had two unexplained marks on his neck. There's not a lot to go on. Yet. He could've just had a heart attack. No, there's more to this. Oh, let me guess. You've discovered oil in the hills of Brokenwood and are now a millionaire. No. I found Frodo. - Okay, I'm gonna give it heaps. - Yeah. Just put your thumb over that pipe. - Press hard. - Wait. Which pipe? 'Cause there's sev Several. Where are we headed with this? I mean, we've got no motive, no suspects, no witnesses, not even a specific cause of death. When John Lennon was shot, do you know what his last words were? \"I've been shot. \" So he chose to state the obvious. Perhaps, but in that moment, he left no doubt. \"I've been shot. \" Imagine you're dying, right? You've got one breath left. What would your last words be? Okay, well, this is weird, but I would probably want someone to tell Roxy, you know, I love her. Well, that's not weird. That's sweet.","BREEN: Right. What about you? Who would you be talking about? Oh. Oh, look, uh Hey, uh, come on. I spilled. I take Mike's point. Harold Wilbury died saying, \"Ghost. \" Was he trying to send a message? Exactly, but was it \"Ghost,\" full stop, or \"Ghost\" Was he wanting to say more? I mean, what did he mean? The Ghost Snake, the Ghost Vampire, the bride? There There's even a Ghost Ghost. Look, as Johnny said, \"It's a train full of ghosts. \" Regardless, that man had ridden that contraption a hundred times. He owned it. Nothing was going to give him a fright other than something completely unexpected. Reason enough to dig further.","[Indistinct talking]","Usual, thanks, Rodriguez. Mrs. Marlowe.","MRS.","MARLOWE: Jean, please.","Sad news about Harold Wilbury. Indeed. Any sense of foul play? My understanding is it was a heart attack. Oh. Routine. I knew his mother, Olwyn. We were at nursing school together in the '60s. The family were from here? Oh, Tahuna Point but travelers now. Oh, she was a true matriarch. Ran that business with an iron fist. Dead now, sadly. I'm sorry to hear that. Old age, they say, but as I say, there's no such thing as old age, just aging attitude. Was it a heart condition, do you know? Uh, kidney failure in the end. Now it'll be hard for Marty, being the youngest and having to step up. There's Simon, of course, who's a lovely boy but dumb as a post. Double-shot soy macchiato with cow's milk foam and turmeric.","MRS.","MARLOWE: That's me.","[Chuckles]","Cheers, Detective. Long black. Ta. Right. Why don't we start with I had nothing to do with that dude carking it. Yeah, we're just after witness accounts so we can piece together events. Thought he died of a heart attack. He did. So what else is there to know? How about you just tell me what you saw? I didn't see nothing. I was just selling Frododogs. One Frododog with 11 secret herbs and spices. - Thanks. - Enjoy. Cuz, I need your help. - I'm busy here. - Hey, you've got help. I don't. - But - Now, cuz! Don't ask, do. Hold the fort, yeah? Your cousin Johnny seemed very insistent.","FRODO: Yeah, he had to find his boss. Something about a bung fuse. That's when Johnny's boss turned up, rude as. I call it a Frododog. 11 secret herbs and spices. You should call it a Fidodog. Tastes like dog roll. Pull the bloody lever!","[Cellphone ringing]","[Scary music plays]","Yeah, what do you want? I only pulled the lever like he told me to. Any idea who he was talking to on the phone?","FRODO: No. I'm not an eavesdropper. When he came out, was he still on the phone?","[Evil laughter]","[Gasping]","[Brakes screech]","Nah, nah, don't reckon. When he first got to the Ghost Train, was Johnny with him? No. He came later. Christ. Get out of my way. Get down to the Ghost Train. Harold's carked it. Oh, um, just one more thing. Did you sell Harold the Frododog? No. Kimberly must've. Hey, um, what happened to the ice cream business? Oh, freezer blew up. Turns out if you can't keep the ice cream cold, it's, like, really hard to put in the cones, so, yeah. Frodo says that Wilbury was taking a call on his phone just as he entered the Ghost Train. There was no phone on his personal effects. We need to locate that. - I'll look into that.","- SIMS: And he'd just finished half a Frododog. What if his heart attack was triggered by some fast-acting botulism or A toxin of some kind.","KADINSKY: You think maybe he was poisoned? - Yes. - You are right. Well And also very wrong. No botulism could act that quickly. There would be obvious swelling or inflammation around the affected organs. I detected nothing of this kind. All toxins show up somehow. So it wasn't poisoning? Except KCl. Potassium chloride. Isn't that what they use in lethal injections? The very same. Potassium chloride kills by causing sudden hyperkalemia, resulting in the stopping of the heart. In other words, it creates a heart attack. Correct, and the curious thing is, when a person has a heart attack, the body naturally releases unusual high levels of KCl. So any added level is disguised by the body's natural response. An overdose is naturally masked. You are keeping up well.","SHEPHERD: When used for the death penalty, it's injected. Can it be consumed in any other way? Typically it is taken orally. - Pills? - Yes. Oh, but for KCl to kill through ingestion, it would take so many pills. Was the KCl level any higher than if Wilbury just had a naturally occurring heart attack? Maybe. Maybe? So you have no evidence.","KADINSKY: Maybe I would have had no evidence if I hadn't stayed up all night combing Mr. Wilbury's body with a fine-tooth brush. Comb.","- KADINSKY: What? - Nothing. And? Here. Between the \"A\" and the \"D,\" I found a puncture mark notable by the red blood cells in the tissue. It marked a hole directly into a large vein. - From an injection.","- KADINSKY: Almost certainly. Such holes usually heal over quickly, unless the victim dies shortly after. So the healing stopped as soon as he died. The healing never began at all.","[Beep]","Gina, how long does potassium chloride take to work? Once it hits the bloodstream, it can take effect within a minute. The exact length of the Ghost Train ride. But if KCl typically leaves no trace, how do we know that was the cause? We don't, until toxicology rules out everything else, but we do have the injection mark administered close to the time of death. If this was the contributing factor, this wasn't a spontaneous killing. The offender had to have planned this days, if not weeks, in advance.","SIMS: And as far as any initial motive goes, Harold never had life insurance, so depending on the beneficiaries of his will, that is unlikely to be a driver.","SHEPHERD: We need to find out more [Knocks] about Harold Wilbury.","MARTY: He was taken too soon. But if there's any consolation, he died doing what he loved most on the ride that he loved the most. The Ghost Train. He loved that thing. Grew up with it, operated it, taught others, saw thousands get their thrills. Anyhow, here's to our boss and my beloved big brother. Harold. - Harold. - Harold.","SHEPHERD: Sorry to disturb, but we have a few questions when it's convenient. We're trying to farewell a friend here. You mean boss. Either way, I reckon it can wait till morning. Well, the sooner we clear up a few things, the sooner you can We're all doing fine. Uh, we're all tired, but we we had to build a camp. I was just leaving anyway. You coming or not? Not. Suit yourself.","[Slurps]","[Can clinks]","MARTY: He's sad.","Harold had a lot of time for Johnny.","[Sighs]","I need to lie down. Magdalena gets really tired from channeling messages from the other side. Octopus!","[Can crushes]","SANDRA: Deep breaths, Simon.","Come on, Simon. Let's go for a walk, eh? Good lad, come on. Come on, mate. I take it he likes octopi. They're his favorite animal. Highly intelligent, unlike him. Shall we? So, Hine, would I be right in thinking Daisy Rose is with Johnny? Totally. In fact, they're engaged. Oh. Nice. Nah, it's a joke. Johnny loves the idea of monogamy. It's just he can't help sharing that love around. Right. Would I be right in thinking you're with that redhead guy?","[Chuckles]","No. - Not your type?","- SIMS: No. And he's spoken for. And actually, I'm happy asking the questions, if you don't mind. - Sorry.","- SIMS: It's okay. So no one, then? No. Um, actually, um there is a guy who is a friend, Kahu. We play chess.","HINE: In the nude?","- SIMS: What? - Why else would you play chess? Uh, can I ask what happened to your arm? I had a couple of beers after packing out the last town. Fell off a ladder. Broke a couple fingers. Right. Um, can you think back on your movements around the time Harold took the Ghost Train ride? Can you just give me a sec? We're trying to locate Harold's phone. A witness has him talking on it as he entered the Ghost Train, but it wasn't on his person. Oh, you didn't find it glued to his ear?","- BREEN: Sorry? - He was always on it. - Wheeling and dealing. - Right.","SANDRA: Yeah, no. I haven't seen it. I'll ask the others, unless one of the public took it. Do you know his log-in? Maybe we could locate it with Find My Phone. Harold wasn't that tech-savvy. Have you tried ringing it? No. His number? I'll write it down for you. Sorry.","[Sniffles]","Uh, we can do this some other time. No. Sorry.","I was, uh SIMS: You've just lost your boss. It's a difficult time. How do you know it wasn't a heart attack? It was. Then why all the questions?","SIMS: Uh, there are some unexplained things. Two marks on his neck. You didn't see anything? Uh, I was in my booth, the Rifle Range. So I didn't see anything. I just heard about it over the RT. Right. Well, um, if you do remember any details - [Ringing] - It's ringing. - [Beep] - And it's gone to answerphone. They're trying to find Harold's phone. - Did you see it? - When?","SANDRA: Well, apparently it was on him when he went into the Ghost Train. Have you asked Johnny? I'll keep trying. I gave Simon a pill. He's already out like a light. Must be a big pill. It's prescription medication. Correct dosage. He suffers anxiety. Thanks. Hello?","MAGDALENA: I'm resting. I thought I'd made that quite clear. Uh, apologies. I didn't know you were in here. Well, if you asked me, you would. You people.","DAISY ROSE: She gets really grumpy. She says channeling dead people is really tiring, but it's just part of her schtick. Don't take it personally. I'll try not to. Life on the road wears you down.","SHEPHERD: I'm sure it does. Gotta get out before you end up falling down in a ditch and getting left behind. Is that what you were planning? You get tired of it. That's all. I imagine you're a close-knit team. You'd have each other's backs. Like you wouldn't believe. When did you last see Harold? It was just before he died. I'm a fairy. Don't wear socks. No more occulty stuff. What are you gonna do? What did he mean, \"occulty stuff\"? I don't always paint butterflies. Right, the skull and crossbones.","DAISY ROSE: Butterflies are what parents think kids want, not what they really want.","SHEPHERD: And that is? Danger. Harold used to get really upset. But I knew how to handle Harold. By threatening to resign? Don't want to end up in a ditch.","[Slurps]","Did Harold seem out of sorts in any way? No grumpier than usual. Thanks. His death wasn't an accident, right? What makes you say that? Otherwise, why all the questions? I don't believe it was, no. Then maybe he got what he deserved. Are you saying someone wanted him dead? Not someone, everyone. I'm a vampire again I'm comin' for you Open up your window 'Cause I'm about to sail in You can call for Mama But she won't know what to do I'm a vampire again Ooh Thanks for coming in. Did I have a choice?","SIMS: You chose to turn up. Look, Daisy Rose, your statement last night gave us a I didn't mean it. Probably had one too many beers. Oh, what did you mean by, \"Everyone wanted him dead\"? I was exaggerating. Everyone, as in all of us. He was a hard-ass. Whenever he got grumpy, which was, like, all of the time, any one of us might say, \"I'd like to kill him. \" That's all I meant. When you saw Harold, was there anything unusual in his demeanor? Was he complaining of feeling sick, nauseous, or faint? No. He was too busy eating some disgusting hot dog thing. As a matter of interest, where were you going at the time? Nowhere. I was on a break, looking for Johnny. You find him? No.","SIMS: Would you say that Harold was a good boss? Yeah. He obviously paid you well. Oh, that's a nice bike. A Triumph, isn't it? It was a bonus. For loyalty. 15 years' service to the empire. So, yeah, no, no complaints.","SIMS: Mm, okay, that is a good boss. Did you hear that? Noted. But he was tough? Nothing I couldn't handle. Where were you just prior to Harold entering the Ghost Train? Why? A witness has said that Harold expected you to meet him there. Who? Bloody Frodo. So why didn't you meet him there? I was finding a fuse.","HAROLD: Bloody great. Attendance is down this year. Why didn't you use your RT? I could have brought you down a spare fuse. Yeah, good luck finding one in this mess. Hey, watch your mouth. Battery's flat. I thought you fixed that loose fuse. Yeah, I did.","HAROLD: Not that well, obviously. And don't think buying me this is gonna sweet-talk me, 'cause it's bloody foul. I suppose there's a queue for bloody Africa. Well, as long as they don't know it's about a safety issue Oh, Jesus! Hey. Keep me in the loop. - Hurry up! - Yeah, hurry up!","SHEPHERD: Then where did you go? I found the fuse. And I got back in time to see that he had carked it. Christ. Get out of my way. Apparently Harold was using his phone at the time. Did you come across it? Nah. You didn't see it? Mate, he was dead. He wasn't making any calls.","[Door opens]","Sandra, can you come through?","SIMON: When is my turn? Soon. - I'm strong. - So you said. I could pick you up and hold you over my head. - Want to see? - Hey! No, whoa. No need. No need. We're good here. I believe you. Sorry about that. Shouldn't be too much longer.","SHARON: Yes, Harold rubbed people up the wrong way sometimes, but don't all bosses do that? In what way? He hated tardiness, anything that contravened what he deemed as family entertainment, sloppy attitudes. Bad face painting? Case in point. If people killed their bosses every time they had a go at them, there wouldn't be many left in the world. I'll remember that. I was barely out of school when I first went to an A&P show and saw Harold. He was operating the Ghost Train. That was back when his mum ran the business. Me and Harold fell in love. Simple story. Except recently you split?","SHARON: Amicably. If it was that bad, I wouldn't have hung around. Harold had a tattoo, um, Sandra Dee. Obviously that was you. Oh, God. That old thing? No, that was his first love before we met. Another Sandra? Olivia Newton-John from \"Grease. \" Ah.","SANDRA: Well, he thought her character was called that. It's, in fact, Sandy Olsson, but, you know, there's that line, \"Look at me. I'm Sandra Dee. \" I'm more of a country-music fan myself. Well, you can't change a tattoo, so when I came along, I guess Harold thought, \"Oh, well, it's close enough. \" W-We can leave it there for now. Um, you'll be wanting to talk to Simon? We will. He will need me or Marty to be there with him. He has a mental age of 6. I can honestly say I didn't see anything. I was at my stall giving a demonstration. Demonstrating? Marty's Miracle Cures. Cures for what, exactly?","MARTY: Skin, hair, follicles, fissures. Itches, burns, warts, worms. Tremendous healing properties. Healing properties like the world has never seen before. May I have another volunteer? That's when Sandra came and told me. Um, excuse me, please. I'll miss him so. He was my big brother. Such a big heart, mind, soul. Hope. Hope like you've never seen hope. Hope for what, exactly? Hope for the Wilbury Brothers, to keep the legacy alive. When our mother finally let go, it passed to Harold, being the oldest, and he saw the opportunity to make it great again. Natural-born leader. So there was a legacy that the business passed to the next oldest? Indeed. That would be Simon?","MARTY: Well, no. He's not mentally fit enough, obviously. So it goes to you.","MARTY: Some are born to lead. Others have greatness thrust upon them. That will be my cross to bear. I told you, I was in my stall, the Rifle Range, when I got the news. About time. No prize, no point in playing, right? Four shots, four hits, walk away a winner.","[Gun cocks, static hisses]","JOHNNY: Get down to the Ghost Train.","Harold's carked it. You didn't seem very surprised to hear the news of Harold. Well, he was totally old. He was like 50. Dudes like him have heart attacks.","SIMS: But, um, leading up to that point, you weren't actually in your booth. I was getting pandas. We're always running out of pandas. - You're joking. - Either that or a pink flamingo.","[Indistinct talking, laughter]","Simon, do you remember where you were when your brother Harold passed away? I was being strong. I'm very strong. So you said. I punched him once.","- SANDRA: Simon. - Who, Harold? - Right on the nose. - Okay, all right. I, uh I don't need a demonstration. Hon, you can't do that. It bleeded all over the place. Sorry. He gets overexcited.","SIMON: How many legs does an octopus have? - Simon. - How many? How many? How many? Um, eight. So [Laughing] Wrong! He got it wrong! - I think you'll find it's eight.","- SIMON: None! They don't have legs, they have arms! You're so dumb!","[Laughs]","Simon. Simon, why did you punch Harold? Because he's my brother. That's what brothers do. Okay, so at the time Harold entered the Ghost Train, Marty was selling his wares to the crowd, Simon was wowing people with his act. He's strong, by the way, in case you hadn't been told. Sandra and Johnny were in the office sourcing a new fuse. Uh, Hine was in her booth, though she had been sourcing more prizes from a storage locker here. Daisy Rose had just finished talking to Harold, - and the enigmatic Magdalena - [Cellphone ringing, buzzing] has agreed to finish her statement but only in her tent. Gina.","KADINSKY: Toxicology has ruled out any unusual toxins except very high levels of potassium chloride. Do you still believe it's a marker for something introduced?","KADINSKY: Are you asking my opinion? Yes. I think his death was far from routine. Okay. Thanks. Now I need your opinion. Okay.","KADINSKY: What is your most favorite song? Uh Oh, \"Please Help Me, I'm Falling (In Love With You). \" - I will remember that, Mike.","- SHEPHERD: What? No, no. That That's the title. Gin Do you need a moment or No, uh, toxicology reports only high levels of potassium chloride. So we are on the right track? Seems so. Any luck with the victim's phone? Specialist Search Group came up empty on the Ghost Train and surrounding area. Uh, likewise for any intravenous equipment. I've been calling on the hour. Also, no hospitals in centers the Wilburys have passed through in the last 12 months report any missing ampules of KCl. - [Ringing] - It's ringing. I wish my phone had that sort of battery life. - [Beep] - And answerphone. And we still have nothing to explain the marks on Wilbury's neck.","SHEPHERD: It'll come. Or are we just drawing too long a bow? No, because all we have to do is find our source for the KCl, the vessel in which it was administered, whoever is recharging Harold's phone, their motive and opportunity. Then we'll have our offender. So, basically everything. Yep. If only it was as simple as vampires. Nothing.","[Clears throat]","NEIL: Potassium chloride?","Prescription only but low dose. Nothing that would do you any harm? No, you'd have to swallow an awful lot of it, and you'd throw it up before it caused any real grief. Anything high dose is held at the hospital. Okay. Thanks. Is, uh, this related to the Wilbury death? I'd rather not say. Well, there is something you might want to consider. Martin Wilbury was a pharmacist. - Marty? - [Chuckles] I saw him at the A&P show. Cures ringworm, warts, wrinkles, rashes, and in - Sorry, what's your name again? - Nicky. Nicky! In Nicky's case, the scourge of acne. As you can see, it's only been on for what, two minutes? Take a cleaning wipe and simply There you go! How's that? Would you like to see? You found it a dubious claim? If it was truly that effective, I wouldn't be able to restock my shelves fast enough, and Marty Wilbury would be a multimillionaire, not hawking his wares in the nearest park. Smoke and mirrors? Let's just say Marty was always working the angles. You said he was a pharmacist? Martin was struck off for malpractice. For what, exactly? Misappropriation of medications. It's the real thing. Tea leaves from Tibet steeped in blue quartz water. It has properties that opens the chakras, cleanses the mind, creating a channel of truth. Okay. Well, um, tastes good, anyhow. You're a skeptic. No, I keep an open mind. Then we both have that in common. Now, you weren't actually in this tent when Mr. Wilbury died. You seem sure of that. By chance, I happened to be at your tent at the time. Why? Well, I was hoping for a tarot reading. So you're not a skeptic. It was just for a bit of fun. And, uh, I spoke with a previous client outside who said you'd left rather abruptly. Yes, I needed some air. This work can be quite overwhelming, even if it is just for a bit of fun. The fact that I wasn't in the tent at the time of Harold's death is merely a coincidence. So where were you, then? I went to the office. To? Look for Harold.","- SIMS: But he wasn't there. - No. Did you go anywhere near the Ghost Train? Absolutely not. You sound very definite. I deal with real ghosts. Spirits, in my experience, should not be trifled with. So, where were you when you heard the news about Harold? In the office. It came over the squawker. The squawker being the RT?","MAGDALENA: Yes. Only then did I go to the Ghost Train, to see if I could be of some assistance. Alas, I was not. Well, um, thank you for the tea.","[Slurps]","- [Clears throat] - Oh.","SIMS: What? Sorry, is there I see a man, a dark, handsome man, moving across black and white squares, something like he's waiting to move or for a move. I'm sorry. That doesn't make any sense to me. My apologies. Harold's death has shaken me. Sure, um, well, uh, thanks again.","MARTY: Thank you, uh, Nicky, was it? Nicky. Another satisfied customer, folks. Feel free to come and peruse these healing properties like the world has never seen before. Cash, EFTPOS, credit cards. Detective. Are you curious about Marty's Miracle Hairline Restorer? Should I be? There's nothing like future-proofing. When you have a moment.","MARTY: Another good day at the office. On a day like today, I'm sure it beats being stuck in a pharmacy. Indeed. Counting pills or being outside traveling this beautiful country. Meeting new people and helping them improve their skin like they've Never been helped before? Quite. It was a no-brainer. You were also struck off. A regrettable misunderstanding. I could've fought it in court, but I wanted out anyway. What exactly did you do? Our mother suffered from a long, debilitating illness with so much unnecessary pain, pain like the world has never seen. I simply took a little of this and a little of that and helped to relieve the suffering over the years. When it's on hand, it's hard to resist. All chemists do it. You know that for a fact? It's more of a suspicion. Wouldn't you, for a loved one? I merely did the wrong thing for the right reasons and paid the price. But I am happier now. If you'll excuse me. The volunteer you just cured, uh, Nicky? Yes. Uh, wasn't she the woman you encountered at the A&P show? Yes. I believe she was. So your miracle cure is only temporary?","[Scoffs]","On the contrary. She was so pleased with the results, she came back. I treated the other side of her face. Far from being temporary, it is more complete. Sims.","SIMS: Oh, hello. Can I help? I read about the Wilbury death. There's something you perhaps should know. When I entered the tent, Madame Magdalena was acting weirdly. Oh. Well, what do want to know? Have you lost something?","[Chuckles]","Only my mind.","[Chuckles]","It was all downhill from there, really. Not quite the Zen-like spirit guide I was hoping for. Then she freaked out and left. Uh, can you remember when that was? Only a few minutes before you arrived. Then things went crazy, and the boss lady came running over. I hoped it was to offer a refund. - She's not there. - Oh. I'd like to know when she'll be back or if I could get a refund. Uh, sorry. There's been an incident. I'll have to get back to you. She never did. But I thought you, being police, could help. I'll see what I can do. Uh, can you remember what exactly freaked Madame Magdalena out? Absolutely. She saw the Devil on a Chariot.","BREEN: Boss. - Do you mean her? - Yeah, that's her. Nicky Stone, daughter of the deceased from the Golf Club case. With remarkably blemish-free skin. Uh, track her down, will you? Okay, I have a statement from a witness which puts Magdalena right back in the frame. What's she done? Made a prophesy. She was talking about my husband, Harry.","MAGDALENA: There is a man. Harry. A husband. Um, I don't have a husband. I've never been married, let alone to anyone called Harry. Then she got really intense. - Are you calling me a liar? - No, I just thought Did I say he was your husband? Well, you are reading my cards. Shh! Harry, Harry, Harry. b*st*rd! You must go. - But - No, I must leave. You must leave. Go now! It's a matter of life or death. Magdalena predicted Harold's death? Maybe. If you believe in that stuff. Which you don't. Well You do? Aren't we paid to keep an open mind? Magdalena said she went to the office just before Harold was killed. But the Ghost Train is en route. So rather than predict his death, the other possibility is She played some part in it.","SIMS: According to a witness, when you left your tent just prior to Harold's death, you were agitated and talking about a \"Harry. \" That can't be just a coincidence. I did have a vision. I went to warn Harold. Where exactly did you go? I told you. I went to the office, but he wasn't there. By the time I got to the Ghost Train, it was too late.","SIMON: Get out the way. I'm strong! Christ. Get out of my way.","MARTY: Harold! You didn't try to help? There was nothing I could do. Psychically I was spent. I needed a lie-down.","SIMS: Did you see Johnny in the office? You said you went to the office. Apparently Johnny was in the office at the same time. Was he? He was looking for a fuse. Well, he must've found it, then. If you had a vision that Harold was in danger in the Ghost Train, why didn't you go directly there? Tell me something, when I read your tea leaves, the black and white squares, did that mean anything to you? No. No, it didn't. Well, there you go, then. My gift is not an exact science. Maybe it's just a bit of fun after all. - Hi. - Kimberly, hi. I have this as the last-known address of Nicky Stone. Yeah. She's my flatmate. Why? I need to have a chat with her. She's at work. Right. So is this Frodo's house? No. Um, I just let him park his van here sometimes. Like the times when it's not working, which is, like, most of the times. You were working in the van at the A&P show, right? Yeah. Do you remember selling a Frododog to this guy before the commotion? No. You're sure about that? To be honest, it was pretty quiet. Frododogs are kinda chewy. I did sell one to his cousin, not that he paid. - Johnny Oades? - Yeah. Real creepy, trying to hit on me, and I was like, \"Eww. \" Uh, so where does Nicky work? You have been on at me for three days. I am getting really sick of this. Then why don't you just go and do it?","JOHNNY: No, because I don't I don't know these people. You are being a cruel and vindictive person. Just back off, Magda! Geez!","MAGDALENA: This is what he would've wanted. Give me a break. Do it or I will tell her everything. Hi. Everything okay here?","JOHNNY: Yeah, fine. This is some bonus. Triumph. That's what it says. Daisy! Did you find the fuse? What? When Harold was leaving his portacom office, you were looking for a fuse. Yeah. I found one. So you must've raced straight back to the Ghost Train to get the thing up and running. Yeah. You didn't go anywhere else in between finding the fuse and getting back to the Ghost Train? What is this? Daisy! It's a simple question. When I got back, Harold was dead. What more can I tell you? All right, keep your mankey hair on. Places to be.","[Engine starts]","I wan to make this place more like the Frog and Cheetah. You see, the thing about karaoke is it's very aspirational. Testing. Testing. - That sound all right? - Mm. It allows people to transport themselves into stardom. Well, for three minutes, at least. Ray, I was asking about Nicky Stone. Uh, yeah, she's in the garden bar. I've had to hire a few new faces now that Trudy's a guest of Her Majesty. Thanks, Ray. Tomorrow night. Make sure you guys come along. \"My Sharona\" is always a good one. Or \"Don't Cry for Me Argentina. \" Mike will be a starter for sure. Uh, Nicky Stone? Nicky! Uh, Detectives Mike Shepherd and Sam Breen. Yeah, I remember.","SHEPHERD: Life treating you well? What do you think? We have a few questions about your relationship with Marty Wilbury. I don't have a relationship. You volunteered for him at least twice, probably more, would that be right? Perhaps as an audience plant? Look, I don't want any trouble.","FRODO: I can't believe you did that! You're unbelievable, man! Take it easy, cuz. How dare you hit on my girlfriend! Frodo, I am not your girlfriend. A cousin doesn't mow another cousin's lawn!","KIMBERLY: And I'm sure as hell not your lawn! - It's a metaphor.","- JOHNNY: I said cool it! It wasn't like that. - It was! - It was? - No way.","- KIMBERLY: Totally. Uncool, bro. So uncool! - I was not flirting. - You said you'd changed. - And I have. - I knew it. I knew you were up to your dirty old tricks. - [Thud] - [People gasping]","JOHNNY: Geez! Now look what you've done!","KIMBERLY: Oh, my God, Frodo! I didn't do it. You made me do it! What the hell's going on here?","BREEN: I think it's safe to say no charges need to be laid. True, nobody was smashing bottles or anything. Only his face. Yeah, sorry about that. It's okay. Happens all the time. You two know each other? Eh? Nah, I don't.","- NICKY: No.","- JOHNNY: Nah. Oh, except the A&P show. You run the Ghost Train, right? Yeah, that's me. Uh, Daisy Rose, we should shoot. Come on. Come to Johnny.","DAISY ROSE: How many times? I love you. You know that, right? He pays me. Marty? Yeah, I smear this mixture of stuff on my face. He puts the cream on. It comes straight off. It's kinda naff, but it works. I thought you didn't want any trouble. Well, he does it in every town. Marty says it was okay. That's highly debatable. Things have been kind of tough since Mum died. An extra 50 bucks makes a difference. And you don't know Johnny Oades? All we really know is Harold went inside the Ghost Train. 60 seconds later, he came out dead.","BREEN: Given the ferocity of potassium chloride, it had to have been administered inside. Otherwise, given the length of his conversation with Frodo, he would have been dead before entering. And apart from that, we still lack any clear motive. Okay, Johnny and Sandra are in the office. Uh, Marty was at his stall.","BREEN: Simon is at his side stage. Hine was in the Rifle Range. And Magdalena was moving between her tent and the office. Daisy Rose was seen talking to Harold here. So if they're all to be believed, none of them could've been inside the Ghost Train. Or someone wasn't where they said they were.","SIMS: Okay.","[Clears throat]","What if What if we could see inside the Ghost Train? - They don't have CCTV.","- SIMS: No.","[SCENE_BREAK]","As a confirmed skeptic, I can't believe I'm saying this, but what if Magdalena had the ability to channel what happened to Harold? Are you suggesting a s\u00c3\u00a9ance? She read my tea leaves and knew things she couldn't have known.","BREEN: Uh, you've been scammed. - How? - I don't know. But I'm pretty sure tea leaves only serve one true purpose. All right, well, maybe I have, but if if Magdelena did actually have some ability to see what actually happened, wouldn't we be remiss not to at least try the avenue? I mean, what have we got to lose? Nothing but our credibility. This conversation never happened. Uh, thank you for agreeing to do this. I know when I'm being ridiculed! I assure you it's not that. It's Sorted. Oh, um [Clears throat] Can we talk? You know, alone. I need some advice about Daisy Rose. It's personal. I'll step outside. Sweet. Magdalena will be with you shortly. So you like bikes? - Uh, not really. - The Trumpet is awesome. Sure it is. Six-speed, grunt, torque, 76 brake horsepower. And room for two. Already noted. Well, if you ever want to, like, you know, check it out, let me know. We can begin. Yes. There you are. What? What do you see? I can see him. I can see him coming. - [Gasping] - [Door creaks]","[Gasping]","He's scared. He can sense something's coming.","[Gasping]","[Screaming]","Fang! Please, I can't do any more. Fang? It's what I saw. But there was no trace of venom in his system. Perhaps you're being too literal. Perhaps it was Harold who was the snake. Meaning? I'm spent. - No, but - No more! Leave. Okay, I'm prepared to admit it might have been a waste of time.","SHEPHERD: And in her vision, she didn't mention anything about Harold being on the phone? No. Which proves she's a sham. We know for a fact he was on the phone. Or she deliberately omitted that detail. Yet she knew about the marks on his neck. I mean, that's a bit impressive. Sham. Regarding the phone? Wilbury's cell provider has it still located within the Brokenwood business district, but short of doing a door-to-door search [Rings, click]","SIMON: Harold? Uh, what? No. This is not Harold. This is Harold's phone? No.","BREEN: Yes. Is that Simon? Um Simon, where are you right now?","[Game beeping]","Hi, Simon. - Hello. - Is that Harold's phone? No.","BREEN: Are you sure about that? Mine now. He used to let me play games on it because I was never allowed one. He doesn't need it anymore because he's dead. What game are you playing? - \"Shark Attack. \" - [Chuckles] You really like sea creatures, huh? How many legs does a squid have? Okay, um I got this. - 10 arms. - Wrong. Eight arms and two specialized tentacles for catching and holding its prey. Yeah, wow. Yeah, you got me again. That's okay. You're quite stupid. Not your fault. How did you end up with Harold's phone? It felled out of his pocket, and I picked it up. Put him down here. There you go. I'm strong.","DR.","LEE: I'm a doctor.","- Give me some air here. - Thank you. - What's his name? - Harold. Harold? Harold? Harold? Three, four, five, six. You know, I'd really like to quickly check something on his phone. - You want to steal it. I know. - No, no, no, no. I just want to borrow it. Finders keepers, losers weepers. I'm really, really strong. Yeah.","[Game beeping]","Hey, Simon. Have you ever been for a ride in a real-life police car?","[Siren wailing]","SIMON: I'm Simon!","I'm strong! Strongest man in the universe!","[Laughing]","Yeah! Go faster! Go faster! All right, we're going pretty fast. The last call Harold received was from Sandra. It lasted 11 seconds. Then, 32 seconds later, he dialed emergency services. Meanwhile, you're holding a mentally disabled person. No, no, no. It's okay. Because I've called Sandra in as his support person, and so we can ask her about the call. Two birds with one stone. See? Always thinking. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Hey. Whoa, whoa. All right, Simon. Wow. Look at you. Why don't you, um Why don't you put the table down, eh? Simon, we need you to put the table down. - Please. - I punched him on the nose. Yeah. Harold?","SIMON: Lots of blood. Yeah, so you said. 'Cause he touched Hine again. And Hine's not his wife. And that's not right. No, that's not right. Magdalena said so. If you ever touch my daughter again, I swear I will tear you to pieces! Go and wait in the truck. He shouldn't have been put through that ordeal. - No wonder he's got upset. - We were prepared to wait. He volunteered the information. It appears the call Harold received just as he entered the Ghost Train was from you. - Or at least your phone. - Oh. Right. Yeah. It probably was me. It was about? Pandas. Hine was after another box of pandas. She was short again. I couldn't find them. Did Harold seem distressed at all?","SANDRA: No. Well, no more than usual. He was wound up 'cause of the delay on the Ghost Train, - and he hung up. - Oh. And a witness has you arriving at Magdalena's tent just moments after Harold's body was discovered. - She's not there. - Oh. I'd like to know when she'll be back or if I could get a refund. Sorry. There's been an incident. I'll have to get back to you. Was that after you sorted the pandas for Hine? Yep. You came to tell Magdalena about Harold? Yes. Well, why didn't you use the RT? Magdalena doesn't use them. She believes that the radio waves interfere with her gift. Oh. Thanks again.","HINE: [Sighs] You had it worse. It's called maintenance. Can't make it too easy. Oh, you want a go? Not right now. Uh, Hine, we have a witness who suggests that Harold Wilbury might have behaved inappropriately with you. Who the hell said that?","- SIMS: His brother Simon. - [Scoffs, chuckles] Simple Simon? What would he know? He seemed pretty sure about it. And sure that your mother knew about it. He's gone. What does it matter? It matters because if you were abused, you should be supported. These things are best talked through with professionals. Look, Harold was a creep, but I learned to live with it. You shouldn't have to live with it.","HINE: [Sighs] - I'm not gonna be one of them. - One of who? Those broken girls. The women that talk about it and then get told they're liars. Things have changed. I promise. I didn't kill him.","SIMS: I'm not saying that you did. Well, you're not saying I didn't. Can you talk to me about this?","HINE: [Sighs] Yes, I did say that. That you would \"tear him to pieces\"? In the heat of the moment. Yes. Do you know if he did? If Harold did abuse Hine again? No. I think he got the message. But you knew about what had been going on? Yes. And you didn't tell anyone? - Who? - Marty? - Sandra perhaps. - [Scoffs] Martin Wilbury has cloth ears. He revered his brother. \"See no evil, hear no evil. \" As for Sandra, she spoke to Harold several times. They fought about it. But as an ex-wife, what can you do? Come to the police. And have my daughter made out to be a victim? Have lawyers make a fool out of her in court? I dealt to it directly.","SHEPHERD: By threatening to kill him? It seemed to work. Why didn't you leave the Wilbury Brothers? Because this is all we have. That train wreck is my family. We work together, we fight together, we laugh, and we play together. It's like a strange kind of marriage. But you wouldn't understand. Hm. Where exactly were you when Harold died? I told Detective Sims that I went to warn Harold. I was in the office! I understood Johnny was in the office, yet you say he wasn't. How is that important?","SHEPHERD: If one of you wasn't there, then maybe one of you was somewhere else. The Ghost Train, perhaps. He wasn't.","SHEPHERD: So, where was he then? You want to rethink where you were when Harold rode the Ghost Train? Like I said. Found the fuse. Went back. He comes out, dead. What's the connection between you and Johnny Oades? Okay, when you saw him at the A&P show, where exactly did you see him? So you found the fuse, and you went - straight to the Ghost Train? - I reckon so, yeah. - Reckon so or know so? - Look, what is this? Well, if you did that, you would have got to the Ghost Train before Harold. Except I didn't, 'cause when I got there, he was dead. I already said that. Harold stopped off along the way to talk to someone. Enough time maybe for you to hide yourself away inside the Ghost Train. - Whoa. Nah. No way. - Then where were you? By the portaloos. Long time, no see, sweet pea. Look, it's nothing serious. We just hooked up last year when they came through. How did you know Johnny would be at the portaloos? I hope Johnny doesn't see you here. He never stopped talking about you after last year. Really? He's still with that fairy, you know. Thanks. That's all for now. What? I'm free to go? Mm. Okay, Johnny, time to come clean. Dude, I am clean. Nicky Stone sees it differently. I told you. I barely know the chick. - She says otherwise. - Well, maybe she's lying.","SHEPHERD: We have a witness that corroborates her story. Johnny was by the portaloo with that local slapper. - And who is that? - It was the one Marty was using as a plant. Look, it was just a little kiss. No harm done. It's not worth mentioning, right? How did you know she'd be waiting by the portaloos? Found the sucker! Oh, that little minx. I told her to stay away. Eh? Aww. How about that? - Uh, Johnny - [Chuckles]","HINE: Hine to base. I need more pandas. I did hook up with this girl the other day. - You b*st*rd! - It was just a little kiss. - Like, really small. - Making me an idiot! Again! I knew you couldn't change. - She was a friend. That's all. - Forget it, Johnny. - We are so over! - Ow! Angry fairies. The old wand to the neck. - Vicious. - Take it easy, would ya?! I'm bleeding here. Jesus! Daisy Rose, can we talk? - He deserved it! - Yeah, I'm sure he did. Um It's this way. - [Door closes] - Sims. Um, yeah, could we have a word first? The abuse has been going on for years. He was always gropy and stuff. But then, one one morning, I woke up. Holy How did you get in here?! Get out! I must have come in the wrong door. Jesus, get out! You sick b*st*rd! - Get out! Get! - Okay, calm down! - When was this? - [Sniffles] Just before his mum died. And it wasn't just me. He was an octopus to all the girls. The octopus. Okay. Let's take this easy, then. When Harold stopped you and told you to stop with the occulty stuff, did you hit him in the same way you just hit Johnny? So what if I did? It would clear something up for us. He was being a pig. I'm warning you Do as you're told, girly. So you're gonna fire me? Me and Johnny are leaving after the show. - We're done. - Johnny won't leave.","DAISY ROSE: Yes, he will. But that bike's still in my name. And when he knows all about our special times Aah! Geez! You'll keep. What a pig. The \"special times\" Harold mentioned. You were the victim of abuse.","[Scoffs]","Do I look like a victim? Can you tell us when it started? Anything you say is in complete confidence.","[Sighs]","I rode the Ghost Train when I was 16. I got the hots for Johnny, and the idea of working and touring sounded really cool. But when I approached Harold for a job Would you like to talk to Detective Sims alone? No. No, I'm okay. He agreed, but only if I let him touch me. It seemed like a stupid thing at the time, and I was like, \"Whatever, you creep. \" And I really wanted the job.","[Voice breaking]","But he kept on. And promising to tell Johnny that I'd come onto him. I never did that. He did it. Did you talk to anyone about this? Sandra. She kept telling me it wouldn't happen again. But I'd had enough. And Johnny did promise to leave with me.","[Sighs]","Fat chance now, though. With what happened to both you and Hine, and with Sandra and Magdalena knowing about it, why do you think it didn't stop? Magdalena threatened him all the time. But Magdalena needed Harold. In what way? How did she need Harold? Hello? Magdalena?","[Suspenseful music plays]","What the hell do you think you're doing? How long have you been using? Using what? I know the rules. Unless you've got a warrant, you've got nothing. That is true. Then I suggest we both agree this never happened. There's nothing there but a needle and syringe. Nothing illegal in that. Perhaps I'm a diabetic. Johnny? Do it or I will tell her everything. \"Her\" being Daisy Rose, I presume. About his fling with Nicky Stone. This conversation is finished. Why did you think Harold had been bitten by a snake? Oh, these things come to me. By way of Hine. How do you know it wasn't a heart attack? There are some unexplained things. Two marks on his neck. She told you about the marks on his neck, didn't she? And Kahu.","[Chuckles]","That's how you knew to mention \"dark and handsome\" and the black and white squares. Let's just say that I'm right about some things. It might be wise for you to take heed.","MRS.","MARLOWE: Ah, Detective Shepherd!","I trust you'll be making an appearance tonight? - For? - There's some jolly good tunes.","SHEPHERD: [Chuckles] We'll see. Tell me, you said you were at nursing school - with Olwyn Wilbury. - Yes. But between you and me, she was a terrible nurse. - A bit rough. - In what way?","MRS.","MARLOWE: Oh, when it came to taking bloods, she'd wrench out the I. V.","lines, telling the patient not to be a sook. Raised her boys in the same way. As a matter of interest, is much skill required to hit a vein? Well, off the record, it does take skill, but, sometimes, just dumb luck. Why? You're not developing a habit, are you? Not high on my priority list. Well, I'm so glad. Too many good people lost chasing the dragon. When was the last time you saw Olwyn? Oh, we kept in touch through Facebook and Snapchat. That's how I knew to pay my respects. I took a road trip to Tahuna Point. Knock, knock! It's only me. Ohh! Aren't you looking bonny! Bouncing back, I see. Given the circumstances, a little white lie goes a long way. You said it was kidney failure that took her? Oh, hypokalemia got her in the end. They just couldn't get it up. \"It\" being? Oh, potassium levels. Chronically low. Oh! \"Light My Fire. \" [Chuckles] I'll get Ray to put me down for that one. Thanks. Enjoy your ale. What are you looking at? Thank you. Enjoy. Marty, do you recall what medications your mother was on as part of her palliative care? Uh, morphine, saline. Her sodium levels were critically low.","And SIMON: I feel sad. Can I have some medicine to make me feel better? You don't want that stuff. KCl. Too much will kill you. Potassium chloride? But we were fighting a losing battle. We just did what we could do to keep her comfortable. You didn't want to use a hospital? My mother was a stubborn type. She didn't like hospitals. She believed they were an opportunity for people to knock you off. So, in the room, there was just you and this nurse called? Uh, don't know. Ex-nurse. Friend of a friend. Simon, Harold, and Sandra. And Magdalena. How long's she got? What's your prediction? For God's sake, Harold. This is real life, not some sideshow stunt. Thanks for your time. How long have you been supplying Magdalena? Don't know what you're talking about. I think you do. Can we talk? You know, alone.","SIMS: You turn up. She goes from agitated to nodding off. It's not rocket science. I found her works in her tent. And I'm sure your fingerprints will be nicely recorded on this. It wasn't me. Harold was the one who kept her high. She was the star attraction. He made her dependent on him. But you were the delivery boy? Is that why Harold gave you the bike? Reward for doing his bidding?","JOHNNY: [Sighs]","[Suspenseful music plays]","[Watch ticking]","[Watch beeps, ticking stops]","[Woman cackles]","We know Harold controlled his victims by wielding power over their loved ones. Both Hine and Daisy Rose were victims of ongoing harassment and assault. They'd both reached the end of their tether.","SHEPHERD: Meanwhile, Johnny planned to leave with Daisy Rose. Was it a case of exact revenge and escape town? We have a fortune teller who's also an intravenous drug user. She certainly had the expertise in finding a vein. A discredited pharmacist with a clear knowledge of the lethal chemical compound and a clear opportunity to access KCl. And Sandra an ex-wife who insists on defending her ex-husband, even in light of his recidivist behavior. And Simon? Well, we know he's strong. Okay. I think we've got this. Uh, we have a motive and probable cause, but we still don't have a witness or any actual evidence. I'll settle for a confession.","[Sighs]","He's got that Hunch thing happening. Yeah.","SHEPHERD: We've established that the person who killed Harold Wilbury is amongst this group. I find that hard to believe.","SHEPHERD: Your brother was killed by an overdose of potassium chloride, or KCl, administered intravenously.","MARTY: [Laughs] Come on! I don't even know what that is. - Medicine! - This is ridiculous.","SANDRA: You better have evidence before you start casting these aspersions. Magdalena, you conveniently left your tent in the minutes before Harold died. You had time to enter the Ghost Train through the access hatch. As a drug user, you also had the equipment necessary to administer the lethal dose. I went to the office to warn Harold.","SHEPHERD: Yes and no. You were there, but not to warn him. Rather, to berate him for taking your kit. You thought he was punishing you for your threats, withholding your fix. That much, I admit. Which means you didn't have the syringe. I can understand your desire to revenge the terrible things that Harold did. You know about your mother's habit, where she hides her kit. And moments prior to Harold being found dead, you were not at your station. - No way. I was getting pandas. - No. If she was provoked, then I'm responsible. I've been a terrible mum. I did it. But you didn't. One thing that is true Hine left to get more pandas. As verified by a witness. I won it at the A&P show. Magdalena, you were in the office. We know this because it's the only vantage point where you could see It was nothing more than a kiss. Marty was selling his snake oil. Excuse me?! Simon was flipping a car. Neither had time to cross the crowds and climb into position. The only person who had the actual opportunity to secret themselves in the Ghost Train was Yeah? What do you want?","SHEPHERD: The call to Harold was to place the offender somewhere else. Otherwise, why call if you were close by? And only someone with an intimate knowledge of Harold's tattoo would know where to aim that needle on the move.","[Woman cackles]","Aah! Hey! Hey! Base! Harold to base! But it was, of course, flat.","[Gasping]","OPERATOR: Hello?","Are you there? What service do you require? He tried.","[Breathing heavily]","- [Brakes screech] - Ghost \"Bride. \" It's what he wanted to say. After all, you were once his bride, and one of the few people who had access to ampules of KCl while keeping vigil over your mother-in-law. Here. Why don't you take it outside? Give your mum some quiet. But it's your movements afterwards that are the most telling. Returning to Magda's tent - She's not there. - Oh. wasn't to tell her of Harold's demise, but to return her kit knowing that, if by some remote possibility Harold's death was looked into, focus would turn to Magdalena. Sorry. There's been an incident. I'll have to get back to you.","SHEPHERD: Otherwise, why would you enter the tent if you knew she wasn't there? Taking the fuse from the Ghost Train meant that Johnny would come looking for Harold. Especially since you set him up with a dodgy RT. Battery's flat.","SHEPHERD: Which you then switched and made sure - Harold left with it.","- SANDRA: Hey. Keep me in the loop. - Hurry up!","- HAROLD: Yes, hurry up! So that when he went to the Ghost Train, he would have no quick access to communication. Having set the honey trap in the form of Nicky Stone, you knew that Johnny would be delayed in getting back and that Harold's impatience would send him through to you where you would be lying in wait. No more Harold. I just could not take it anymore. I had warned him over and over. Sometimes you feel like you haven't done enough. And then you think of a way. And I just wanted him gone. A heart attack on a busy day. No one would ask questions. No one would think twice. Except when an angry fairy struck back. Aah! Geez! You'll keep.","BREEN: Sandra Wilbury, I'm arresting you for the murder of Harold Wilbury. - Take away your hands off her! - Hey, hey, hey! Easy, Simon. I'm strong! I say no! She's nice. - Simon. - Want a punch? Not this time, Simon. It's okay.","[Handcuffs clicking]","Well, at least Harold won't be doing it again. You knew about Harold's behavior. He was my brother. My big brother. Yeah. And what'd you do about it? You're not parking? Uh, I'm gonna skip it. I'm psychically spent. - You did a great job. - Thanks. I still feel like I need a shower. Take it easy, Sims. What do you want? Single malt. Splash of water. Hey. Kristin not with you? She headed home. - Call her. - Sweet. Kahu. Hey, Chontelle.","RAY: Okay, good times. Well, first up tonight, we have Dr. Gina Kadinsky with \"Please Help Me, I'm Falling (In Love with You. )\" [Cheers and applause] I'd like to dedicate this to Mike Shepherd. A man who is far from routine.","[Intro plays, cheers and applause]","Could you make that a double?","[Off-key]","Please help me, I'm fallin' In love with you Close the door to temptation Don't let me walk through [Up-tempo music plays]"],"Show Title":"The Brokenwood Mysteries","Episode Number":"05x01","Episode Title":"Scared To Death","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Comeback_02x01.json","Recap":["While shooting footage for a self-produced reality TV pilot she hopes will get picked up by Bravo, Valerie Cherish learns that her nemesis, Paulie G., is creating a series for HBO about a sitcom writer and his relationship with a neurotic older actress - a redhead named Mallory Church. After dropping in on Andy Cohen's lunch, an incensed Valerie crashes the HBO offices to create a \"table flipping scene\" worthy of a Bravo show, as she tells them to cease and desist."],"Transcript":["(Tone playing)","Man: Now.","This is my comeback. All right, I'm good. Let me take that again. Okay. This is my comeback.","Valerie: Guys? I've got to have a camera on me. Okay? No, not that one. No. Got to have the one with the... yeah, but... You know, why don't you two switch? Okay? Tyler, you take the one with the... Just switch. Yeah.","Tyler: Dude, she... Back off. She... just give it to me.","Valerie: Yeah. Take the camera, take the camera. Okay, Jesus. Okay? 'Cause, you know... Take this camera. Can't make a pilot presentation if I'm not on camera presenting it. Right?","(Chuckles)","That's okay. It's the first day. You'll get it. I'm not worried about you. All right. See that, Mickey? See the difference? Oh. Feel that? Mm. Gorgeous, Red. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Good. So, um, yeah. I can use that part. \"And this is my comeback.\" You know? But I don't want to use the part where I'm looking off camera, talking to someone. I don't know why I did that. You know, lesson learned. And can you also lose that piercing sound? They don't even use that sound anymore. Okay. When is this from? Uh, about 10 years ago. Jesus. Well, it's not that long. It's just technology moves so fast. I was nine. Okay. Guys, no talking. That's the bummer. Okay. So, let's pick us some clips. Show the people what I've been up to. Huh? Here's this.","(Birds chirping)","Mickey: What is this, Red? A home movie?","(Eerie music playing)","(Screaming)","Oh, no. That's that, uh, independent film I did. Oh, right. With those cute college kids. Yeah. Well, they were in film school. You know? So it's an independent film. In film school, Mickey. You know, like our crew here. Got to start somewhere. Here. This is too high. Here.","Mickey: Well, you were so good, Red.","Valerie: Hmm?","Mickey: Scary. (Sobbing) Well, half the blood was in my eye. So I was screaming in pain there.","(Laughs)","Editor: Here's this one.","Oh, yeah. Oh, this is a good one. Yeah.","Mickey: Oh. What are you saying? I'm saying... It's not a suicide, Pal-y. Yeah, yeah, that was fun. I liked that. I liked doing that show. The writers let me play. I added \"Pal-y.\"","Detective: What are we going to do with you? Looks like you've got to cancel your plans for tonight, huh?","Yeah.","Mickey: I'm surprised we didn't get a re-occur.","Yeah, me too. Yeah. And she's here to talk to us about...","Mickey: Good craft service.","Valerie: Was it?","Mickey: Great chili. Mickey, we've moved on. Oh, yes, we have, and it's a goodie. Yeah. Our infomercial. That's right. I'm here with Valerie Cherish, who has developed a brand-new hair-care line just for redheads. So, Valerie, can you please tell us a little bit about that? \"Cherish Your Hair\" is a product I've wanted to make for a very, very long time.","Valerie: Hmm.","Female host: Well, as a television star and an actress, your hair goes through a lot. It sure does. And it needs a lot of protection. That's why we developed \"Cherish Your Hair,\" hair care for redheads. Because why should blondes and brunettes get all the attention?","(Host laughs)","And red can be a very harsh color treatment for your hair, am I right?","Valerie: You sure are. Yeah. I'm going to let my hairdresser, Mickey Deane, tell you a little more about that. Can you?","Mickey on recording: I certainly can. Redheads always need a little extra \"T.L.C.\" That's \"Tender Loving Cherish.\" (Host laughs) And this product can actually improve the texture of your hair. That's right, Joan. And it's because of a special ingredient in \"Cherish Your Hair.\" Can you tell us about that? Yes, I can, Jean. It's all about a special cantaloupe in France that holds the moisture in due to something in the seed. Very nice. You know what? This is all good. It's all good. I like it because it shows me as an entrepreneur. You know? Like that Bethenny Frankel. Right? The, uh, Margarita gal. Skinny Margarita gal. That's what it's called.","Narrator: To join the \"Cherish Your Hair\" hair care family, call 1-800-Cherish right now. Yeah. If this goes, that product will move. You know? We still have more of the color, right? Oh, we've got a whole warehouse full. Can't give it away.","Narrator: We'll send you this free cantaloupe scoop. We're ready to fill orders.","Valerie: What else have we got?","Editor: Here's another.","Valerie: Oh, this is \"The Comeback.\" \"All right, all right, all right!\"","(Mickey laughs)","(Laughs) That's my Matthew McConaughey.","Editor: Aw. Right? He likes it.","Actor: Just open my shirt.","(Audience laughs)","Audience: Ooh!","Note to self: I don't need to see that.","(Laughing)","\"Room and Bored\" is still funny. Mm. Even in that track suit. Yeah, well, you know what? That's the work, okay? Doesn't always go your way, but you have to make the best of it.","Audience: Ooh! Right? You guys are so cute, but I'm going to have to hide you. Oh, you know what? You should back it up, because the front of the scene we have Juna and Chris, and Andy should see that, because they're such big stars now. That will be good.","Audience: Ooh!","Valerie: Oh, there he is. Stop. Yeah.","Mickey: Who would have imagined it? What? Well, I did. I always saw Juna had something really special. So, you know. And Chris? He had that... What? Steroids? Well, might not want to accuse people of illegal drugs on tape, Mickey. You know what? That's all right. My show, I can cut it.","Mark: Val. Yeah?","Mark: My flight got in early. Okay. I'm in here. Oh. Hello. (Laughs) Hey, Mick. What's all this? You doing another student film? Oh no, Mark, I told you; never again after the last seven. Right? Oh. (Laughs) You didn't get him when he came in. You know? That's important. Missed an opportunity. That's all.","Tyler: I'll do it, dude. I don't know. Tyler, no, you stay on me. Yeah.","Mark: Oh, is that Tyler over there? Yeah. God, I can't see anything with that bright light. Yeah. I don't know how you do it, Val. Well...","Tyler: Hey, Uncle Mark. Hey. Hey, you know, uh, call your mother. She hasn't heard from you in over a week.","Valerie: Okay. Mark, don't do that. Well, she calls me crying. I know, but, um, don't embarrass him in front of the rest of the crew. Right? Because we're trying to be professional. He's in film school.","Tyler: I'm not in film school. No? I thought... but don't you go to USC, right? You're a film major? No. Urban Planning. Okay. Didn't Delia say... I thought your sister said that he wanted a career in show business though.","Yeah, I... Well Tyler: Okay. Okay?","(Sputters)","All right. Well, I'm going to go to the gym. Wish I could join you. (Laughs) Right. Oh, Mark? Marky?","Mark: Yeah? What do you want for dinner?","Tyler: Dude, watch out. Ooh. Are any of you in film school? (Laughs) Oh, come on, Val. At all? What does it matter? Anybody can use a camera now. Well... All right, well... Can they? I just really want it to look professional. You know? Because I'm going to give this to Andy Cohen. Oh. Is that what this is for? Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. We've been communicating. You know? So... Wait, wait. Who is... who is Andy Cohen again? Uh... okay. (Laughs) Who is Andy Cohen? Um, he's the bravo guy. You know, the one who... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The, um, the \"Housewives\" guy. That's right. Yeah. Wow. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Very good. (Laughs) Yeah. So, we've been communicating because I wrote... We've been communicating because I wrote, um, \"funny tweet, Andy.\" And he wrote back, \"thanks, Val.\" So, yeah. And then... And then I wrote, um... \"Wait till you see what I'm up to.\" So this is what I'm up to. Okay? Except no one's going to see it if you don't get people when they're entering a room. You know? It's important. But that's... You know what? That's why we're practicing today. All right, well, have fun. All right? Okay. Oh, Tyler, call, um, you know who. Sorry. But you know what? Keeps me grounded. You know? Okay. What's next on the agenda?","Editor: I've got to go to the bathroom. Okay. So... Well, really? Okay.","Valerie on recording: Sorry I'm late, Doll. Oh, I... I can't show this. I'm not supposed to have this footage. So. Oh, well, I've already got you a glass of wine. Ah, well, I'm not going to drink. It's the middle of the day. (Laughs) Waiter? I should... I can't... I can't show this. I can't show it. Um, how do I turn it off? Do you know what... (Sighs) I'm afraid to push a button. I don't want to delete anything. Do you guys know? Do you know what... To do? You don't. Okay.","Woman: Waiter. Can you take that? I don't want to...","Lisa: So, talk to me. Maybe we can work this whole tabloid thing out. Just wait. Um, well, I don't know what there is to work out, because I don't put stories about you and your family in the tabloids. You know? You know I didn't. So... Well, mostly, I was hurt. I mean, you really hurt me. I've always been very kind and supportive to you with all your marriage problems. Let's be honest.","Valerie: Okay, well, you know... Oh. I'm...","(Lisa laughs)","Let's not... You heard me say that I didn't do it, right? Okay, so it's got to be someone. It was either you or Kyle. Was it Kyle? Well, I don't... I don't... you know? Okay. You know, I see what's happening here. Okay? You're trying to... You've got an agenda. I get it. You've got an agenda and you're trying to make me the bad guy. But I'm just not going to let you do it. Okay?","(Laughs)","Okay, so how are we going to do this if she keeps talking to you? Huh? Well...","Producer: Valerie, again... Yeah. Please don't reference the camera or me. This is a waste of time. I'm going to see if... you know.","Lisa: Oh for God's sake. Okay, now will you call Camille Grammer? I mean, she would never... (Knocks) sh1t. What's his name? What's his name?","Mickey: Um, um, um, um... I forgot.","Mickey: Ivan. I-Ivan. Ivan? Is it? I think. I think. I think it's Ivan. Iger? Ivan. Okay. It's Russian. (Knocks) Um... Ivan?","Ivan: Yeah? Yeah. So, um, how do I stop that? How do I... to stop it? What? The picture... I want to stop it.","(Water flowing)","Okay, he's coming out. That's okay. So, you know what? Careful. He's coming out. So, he'll stop it.","Valerie on recording: I... you know what? I can't do it. I'm sorry. I don't know. We'll be done, right? Well. Because he's... he'll come out. Oh, this is rough. This was so rough. Well, let's not... if we don't make it more interesting.","Valerie on recording: And you know what else? I don't talk about people... I'm going to cut all... It's up to me. Okay? I'm a good person. I'm not going to show it.","(Lisa and Valerie arguing)","Lisa: Nobody is trying to make you the villain here.","Okay? Trying to make me talk about people, and I don't know things. No. I can't say things that I don't know! I can't do it! Oh, for God's sake. Well, I can't, okay? I've done this before. They are trying to make me the villain. Mm-mm. All right? Well, they say they're not. Right. They say they're not. And then... They're not! You don't know what's coming later. All right? Because I've done this before, and this should be a warning to you. All right? I'm not putting myself through this again. Not for this show, anyway. Okay? Because it's real... To be Frank, it's not \"Housewives of New York.\" All right? This isn't going to last. I'm sorry. Oh, really? But it's not. \"Housewives of Beverly Hills\"? Not one of us even lives in Beverly Hills. Oh yeah, I... I do, I do. Okay. Okay. One person lives in Beverly Hills. Oh, for God's sake. You've got a show. Great. You know what? I can't. I... I... Andy, I'm sorry, but I quit. Oh, thank God for that. Yeah. Yeah, I quit. Wait. Just for the record though, Andy, for the record, I'm not storming off. All right? It's just that I've, you know, done a reality show before. So, I know how it goes. I know how it works. So, thought I was up for it. But I'm not. So, I'm sorry. But goodbye. Good luck, okay? Good luck. Yeah, fine. Okay. If this is what you wanna do, then I'm happy for you. I'm happy for all of you. Okay. Well... Yeah. Okay. Good luck.","Lisa: Call Camille. Yeah. Andy doesn't need to see that. (Laughs) No, he doesn't. No. Well, reality TV has had quite the evolution. It's a different reality. (Laughs) And I should know, because I was there at the beginning, with \"The Comeback.\" Back then, it was just me and people eating bugs on \"Survivor.\" \"Uh, what's this? This is entertainment?\" Well, as it turns out, yes. Yes, it is. I was right. And now, people can't get enough. You've got dancers, and duck hunters, and designers, and... Oh, just the other night I saw a show where it was just real people sitting on a couch watching a show. And I thought, \"well, it's official, they've run out of ideas. \"So, looks like it's time for me to come back.\" I'm not just a real person either. I'm an actress.","(Melody playing softly)","And a wife. And a stepmom. Can you hear that? That's you. Oh. Sorry, Red! Mm-hmm. I thought I had it on vibrate. Mea culpa. That's okay. Oh, I should take this. It's Dr. \"hard to get a hold of.\" Okay, yeah, you do that. We'll continue. Gave them four times to call, and this afternoon wasn't one of them. Jesus criminy. Well, you're going to miss your call. Mm. Well... Okay. Hello? In five... I'm cueing you. Okay? In five, four, three...","Mickey: Yes, it is, but I can't talk now. Mickey, we can hear you. Okay. In five, four, three, two... What's...","Mickey: I'm working, Doctor. I gave your office four times to call me, and this wasn't one of them. Can you hear that? Because I can. Mickey, we can still hear you. Got it. Okay. (Valerie laughs) Let me guess, doctor. Okay. In five, four, three, two...","(Phone chiming)","Okay. Phones off, everybody! Okay? Because we can't... oh, that's my phone. All right. We should stop. Oh, okay. That's Billy. Tyler, you go outside and shoot me. Don't get this camera though. Okay, that's good. You got it? Okay.","Valerie: Hi, Billy. Publicist. Oh, wait, that sounded like his last name. Let's do it again. Hi, Billy. My publicist. Oh, is this the Andy Cohen pitch? Oh, yeah. Yeah. We've been communicating.","(Billy whispers)","Oh, good. Yeah. Mickey, say hi to Billy. Hot enough for you?","(Valerie laughing)","Mm-hmm. You want to come inside, doll? I've got a great lighting set-up.","Billy: No. I can't stay. Oh, uh, say hi to Carla. Carla. Hootie-hoo!","Valerie: Hi, doll. That sounds familiar. Who is that? Carla from \"Top Chef.\" I represent her now. Oh, you do. Yeah. She's in town for the \"Top Chef: Super chef all-star\" reunion show. Wow. Oh, you know what? If this goes... Uh-huh. She could cook you dinner. Bravo to bravo? Little cross-promotion? Uh-huh. Yeah. Good night, Mr. Mickey. Good night, Ms. Valerie. Good night, dear. See you tomorrow.","Billy: Goodbye. Thank you for all you do. Um, is that why you came all the way out here, though? Just so I could say hi to the chef? No. No, no. Did you see this about Paulie G. and you? What? Look. \"HBO is making a series with Paulie G. about a self-destructive sitcom writer...\" Oh. Sounds right so far. \"...and his relationship with a neurotic older sitcom actress.\" Well, okay. Wish him... that's fine. You know, wish him well. She has red hair. Still. Wish him well. The character's name is Mallory. Your name is Valerie. Uh-huh. Sounds the same. Might be me. What do you want me to do about it? I'm just trying to give you a heads-up. Okay, my head's up.","(Billy sighs)","Oh, I've got to go. I've got to run. But, you know, call your agent, try to get a copy of the script. We've got to see what this damage is. Okay, Billy, I appreciate you coming all the way out here. I really do. But I've moved on. Paulie's in the past. He's free to write whatever he wants to write, and I'm free to not react. Okay. You know? Yeah. It's okay. All right.","(Sighs)","Valerie: Nice to see you, Carla!","Looking forward to... she's busy. Okay, come on in. Ethan Biggs, please. Well, you have to have an Ethan Biggs. That's my agent. (Laughs) Oh no, you... my bad. You're right. Uh, he's not there anymore. Okay. Um, what was his assistant's name? Because she'd be my agent now. Sasha. Do you have a Sasha someone? You have three Sashas. Okay, let's try it this way. I'm Valerie Cherish. Who's my agent? Big agencies.","Ivan: I can find it. My agent? The script. Oh, better. Okay. How are you going to do that? Everything's online. That's right. Privacy is gone. Yeah.","Valerie: Okay. You know what? I've found what I need. So, uh, can you just have my agent call me? Well, whatever his name is. You know what? Why don't we wait five minutes, maybe you'll be my agent? Ah. You're welcome.","Mickey: Will you look at this, Red? Huh? Paulie G... Rehab. Click on that. Yeah. Let's... \"Twice in rehab for heroin.\" (Gasps) Oh my. The pot I knew. I had no idea about the horse.","(Laughing)","Valerie: Guys.","Guys, addiction, it's not funny. Okay. So, is that the... Can you get the script then? Oh, is that it?","Mickey: \"Seeing Red\"? How dare he!","Valerie: All right, let's just print it out. It's me. This is me. (Sighs) Is this the apartment we decided on for Francesca? Val? Huh? What? Um, what are the HOAS? I mean, it's... Oh. Yeah, that's the... Yeah. Jesus. 1.3? New York. Why couldn't she study fashion in California? Okay. This is me, Mark. It's me. It's a horrible version of me, but it's me. (Sighs) You said you weren't going to let this bother you. Yeah, but now I'm reading it and it's me. Okay? And he's written me as a monster. What did you expect? He's a cocksucker. He is a cocksucker! Mark. We can't say \"cocksucker\" because I had Tyler put back the ceiling cam. Val. What? You know what? Don't... don't worry. My show. My decision. Okay. Don't use this. God. He must have been on heroin the entire time we were shooting \"Room and Bored.\" Well, no wonder it sucked. Yes, it sucked, and that's why it didn't get picked up. So then, it doesn't get picked up and \"The Comeback\" doesn't get picked up. So thank you for that, Paulie G. God. And now this? That's not... no. No. Not going to have it. I'm just not. What can we do? Well, how bad is it? Does he... does he use your name? Well, okay. Her name's Mallory, Mallory Church. And my name's Valerie. Valerie Cherish. All right. Well, that is too close. You know what? I'm going to call the lawyers in the morning. Okay. Oh, good. Yeah. Call the lawyers. That's right. Let them handle it. I'm not going to lose sleep over this. Nuh-uh. Because that's not me. You know? Not me. My hero. Marky Mark. Love ball. Mm. Mm, Mark, the camera. We probably don't want to... Oh, all right. I'll take care of it. Hmm? Oh. No. Not this. Oh.","(Laughs)","Ivan: I like this place.","Tyler: Yeah, this place is awesome.","Mickey: This is all about \"Room and Bored,\" but he's made you the bad guy.","The aforementioned \"red\" he's talking about is you. You're the bad guy. Yeah, no, I know. Waiting for a call from the lawyers. Let them handle it. Yeah. Welcome to Sam's burgers. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Tyler, what are you... What are you going to... I want the Pork Cutlet Curry. Curry? We're at a drive-thru burger place. One pork cutlet curry. Okay. So they do have that.","Ivan: I'll have the Bento Box and fries. Really? \"Small world\" after all, huh?","(Laughs)","And a Philly Cheesesteak? You don't want any foie gras with that, or... It's a joke.","Mickey: So his character's writing a sitcom hooked on heroin, but you're the problem with his career. Yeah. Is this supposed to be funny? Well, it's a... It's a dramedy. You know, and that's a... That's a comedy without the laughs.","Sam's employee: Is the cheesesteak a combo? Um, I guess. I don't know. I... Don't ask me. I get delivered meals.","(Phone chiming)","They should have to pay me for the title. I call you \"Red.\" He stole that from me. Okay. Oh, look. Okay. Andy Cohen just tweeted, \"having lunch at the Chateau.\" Okay. So... oh, you know, I bet he's here for that \"top shelf super chef\"... Reunion chef thing. Oh.","Sam's employee: $27.46. Okay, yeah, thanks. I think... I think we should maybe go to the Chateau for lunch. Huh, Mickey? Smart. Smart. We're going to... Sir? I can't find... Oh, there he is. Yes? Hi. Yeah, we can't stay. Got to go. Sorry. I already put in the order. Well, tell them to cancel it maybe. You know? Or I don't know. Maybe the car behind us maybe wants a Bento Box and a Philly Cheese Curry. I don't know. But, you know... How about you figure it out? All right? Why am I running Sam's burgers? It doesn't make sense. Harry, get in the car. Sorry. Got to go.","Valerie: All right. Oh, got to wait. Be safe. Wait for Harry to get in.","(Knocking)","Valerie: Why can't he get in?","Mickey: Because somebody locked the door.","Valerie: Oh, Ivan.","That. That's not. Why are you smiling? Like it's funny. This isn't fun time. This is work. You can't do this, you know, on a real show. Mickey, how do I look? Perfection. Okay. Thank you. (Laughs) Oh, watch out. Oh. (Laughs) Hi. (Chuckles) Wow. Table for three, please. Um, do you have a reservation? Uh, no. Just passing through, so.","Host: Uh-huh. Um... We are all booked right now. Okay. Well, we'll wait. That's all right.","Host: And no cameras allowed. Okay. Oh, I see someone I know. Yeah, I can't have the cameras. Well, I know Andy Cohen so I'm just gonna go say hi. Ma'am... (Gasps) I'm so sorry. I was just trying to stop you. With your fist? I'm so sorry. Call it even. I'm gonna go say hi to Andy. Sorry, we can't have the cameras. Aunt Val, look.","(Phone ringing)","Okay. Well, boys, you heard the man. Give the cameras to Mickey.","Tyler: Yeah, dude, get your phone out. I forgot everything's a camera. Yeah. All right.","Valerie: Okay, go ahead. I'm gonna take these boys with me.","(Sighs) You owe me. (Chuckles)","Man: I rescued him.","He's so sweet. I mean, he's a good dog, and I love bringing him to my show.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy, hi. Hey. It's Val. Valerie Cherish. Hey, of course. I know, Val. Hi. Oh, good. Hi.","Andy: Sun was in my eye, you look great.","Valerie: Oh.","Valerie: Oh, well so do you, as always. Thank you. Do you know Ru Paul? Yes I do. You've got that show. Yes. Hi. I'm Valerie Cherish. I... I heard. I loved Valerie's first sitcom, \"I'm it.\" We used to watch it in my dorm room and smoke dope. So fun.","Valerie: Oh. (Laughs) Val is legendary. Aw. We tried to work together a few years ago.","Valerie: Yes, we did. Yeah. We did. What are you up to now? Um, well, just working on a little something right now. Oh, wow. Yeah. Hey. Are you... I thought you were texting. Are you shooting? Well, it's not for broadcast. Don't worry. Yeah. Just doing a little pilot presentation. A little something. The host wouldn't let us bring in the actual cameras. You know. Actually, punched me in the stomach.","Andy: No way. Way! You're kidding. That's hilarious.","Valerie: I know! Did you make a scene? Right, yeah. Well, should have. But cameras caught it. So, you know. You'll see. I think this might be right for you. You know, want to show it to you. Great. Yeah. I'm looking forward to seeing it. Oh. Send it to me. Great, okay. I'm gonna let you get back to it. Okay. Before the host comes over and breaks a chair on my head. (Laughing) That's great. Right? Great to see you, Val. Good to see you. Yeah. And, oh... I get it now. Okay? Didn't get it before, that, you know, I was... (Whispers) Took myself too seriously. You know, didn't know I was playing a character, thought it was me. But I get it now. Okay. Okay. Okay? Good. Enjoy your lunch. So nice to meet you.","Ru Paul: Thank you. Okay, bye-bye. Come on, boys.","Andy: Great. See you, Val. Uh-huh. Thank you. Don't hit people.","(Laughs)","Okay. Well, I think that went well. Yeah. Well... Should have made more of a scene with the host, though. You know? Andy asked me what I did, and I didn't. You know, I was too nice. That's not TV. You should have flipped the host stand. Very Teresa Giudice. Yeah, \"Giu-dice.\" Gotta find my own thing, though. I can't just do that. What's the matter? Look alive, Red oh, yeah. I see them. I'm off like a prom dress. Okay. (Shouting) Hello, hello, hello. What's happening?","(Overlapping shouting)","Paparazzo: Hey, Juna! Juna! Juna!","Valerie: Can we see who it is?","Paparazzo 2: Right this way, over here.","Oh, Juna! It's Juna. It's Juna. Mickey, it's Juna.","(Shouting continues)","Juna! You're on my foot. Juna! Juna!","Paparazzo: Juna! Oh. Juna!","Valerie: Juna!","(Shouting continues)","Valerie: Juna! Juna!","Move. Juna! Baby girl!","Valerie: Juna!","Paparazzo 3: Juna!","(Shouting ceases)","Paparazzo: Over here, Juna!","No, she's gone. Okay. Missed her.","Paparazzo: Juna!","Paparazzo 4: Over here! Val! Oh my God. Ah, there you are! I didn't even see you there. Hi. Hi, baby girl. Oh... Oh... Good to see you. Good to see you too. What is going on? Well, you know... Everything's going. Got too many irons on the fire, so. Well, why am I not surprised. Right? We need to see each other. Tomorrow? I wish. I'm actually going to Bali to shoot a movie. I'm in love with a robot in this one. Yeah, I know. Okay. But I'll be back in like three months. Three months, it's a date. Great. Okay. Oh, no, I'm sorry. Actually, four months. I'm an asshole. I'm going to Madrid to shoot for vogue. Oh, okay. Four months. Okay, great! Oh, I can't wait. Where's Mickey? Oh, Mickey! There he is. Look at that. Hi! Look at you. Yeah.","Mickey: Oh my goodness. Oh my. Good to see you. Oh, you look better than ever. Goodness, you look great. All the jewels, I see.","(Laughing)","All right. Well, listen, I really gotta go. But, I'll see you soon.","Valerie: Okay. Bye.","Paparazzo: Juna, look this way. Okay. Still on my foot.","Paparazzo: Juna! You gotta get off my foot.","Valerie: Oh! Okay, that's not nice.","Valerie: Look what your guys did. And you've gotta get off my foot. All right? My new best friend. Okay. Well, how about that? Huh? You never know what filming opportunities life will present you with. Baby girl.","Mickey: One of the best. Still smells like patchouli and peppermint. Can you help me with this?","Valerie: Okay. All right. From my lawyers. See that, Mickey? It's handled. Going to send HBO a cease and desist.","Mickey: Good. Yeah. They should cease and desist. And better you stay out of it, Red. That could get messy. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Could get messy.","(Elevator dings)","Well, I'm mad, and this is about to get messy.","Valerie: Okay, let me just... so was the timing with the doors opening better that time? Yeah. Yeah? Good. Okay. So, let's go. And you just follow me, okay? Whatever happens, just don't stop filming. I might flip a conference table or two.","Woman: Hello, how can I help you? Uh, I'm Valerie Cherish and I need to see someone in charge of \"Seeing Red.\" The sign-in sheet's here. Well, I'm not here for that. Um...","(Idle chatter)","Oh God, they've already started auditioning, Mickey.","Mickey: Oh dear.","Valerie: Okay. You know what? This is perfect. This is perf... this is my proof to HBO. I just need to point to them and say, \"you did not ask my permission, and you need to stop.\" Okay. Kathryn Hahn? Is she here? Val? Oh. Sharon.","Valerie: Good to see you, darling. It's good to see you too. Okay, you can't do that. Um... Do you have an appointment today? Uh, did I need one? That's me. They're all doing me. Okay. You call her Aunt Patsy, but it's Aunt Sassy and you know it, because you cast me in it. Okay. Um... Let me tell them you're here... Mm-hmm. And we'll see what they can... Yeah. I'll be right back. Okay. Yeah. See what they say.","Valerie: Okay. But I'm gonna go in anyway. You know. I'll go in. (Emphatically) I'll go in. Yeah. Okay. Hmm? Are you...? Oh, right now? Okay, yeah.","Sharon: Sure. Yeah. Oh, are the cameras okay? Sure, if you're okay with it, okay? Well, I'm... well, they're mine. So I'm okay. Do you want me to come in too? Sure, yeah. I don't care who sees this. You know, because I'm mad.","(Woman speaking on screen)","What is this? I have Valerie Cherish. Nice to meet you, Valerie. Um, thank you. I wish it was under better circumstances. Paulie, hi. Hi.","Paulie: Nice to see you. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah? Hey, you look great. The exact same. Oh. Thank you. You too. Just, I didn't... I didn't know about the... You know, that you were... Glad to see that you're okay now. Thank you. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Mickey. My man!","(Woman on television): Do you mind if I just don't do the whole Southern accent thing? It just feels like...","Woman 2: Uh, okay.","Woman 2: Chelsea Handler, Aunt Patsy. I'll turn that off. We were just watching this when you came.","Woman 2: Oh, Aunt Patsy, not now.","Note to self: I don't need to see that. Hm. Well, as long as we're ordering, I'd like a side of big dick Perkins... Hold the Perkins. Well... okay. That's not right. You know. I'm not happy with you. Or you, okay? You need to \"ceast\" and desist. We did reach out to your agent. We never heard back. You reached out for... to get my permission to... No, no. We wanted to see if you were interested in coming in for it. Oh, you w-wanted to see if I... Oh. Oh, and you didn't hear back? Okay, well... You know, they just keep promoting assistants over there. Next time check the assistant's directory maybe. Right. Well, it was my understanding that we don't need your permission for... A character Paulie G. created, called Mallory Church. It's fiction. (Laughs) It sounds like a little miscommunication problem. Yeah, uh-huh. But you read the script, and here you are. It'd be great to hear you read it. Well, I haven't prepared. So... Do you need to prepare? It's pretty close to you. Without actually being you. Uh-huh. Yeah. But we'd love to hear what you'd do with it.","Valerie: Okay, sure. Why not? Yeah.","Woman: Take a few minutes. We'll wait. Thank you. Yeah. Come with me Valerie, and I'll get you the rest of Aunt Patsy's scenes. Okay. Ooh! Oh! Are you all right, doll? Be careful.","Paulie: You know what? Hey, guys, we don't need to hear Valerie read the show within a show stuff. You know what I mean? We know she's great at bad sitcom. Which I wrote. That's my bad. Yeah. Right. I didn't say anything.","(Laughing)","We just... let's get to the meat of it, you know? Uh-huh. To the drama stuff. All right? Sharon, do we have the monologue?","Sharon: Sure, that's a great idea. Okay.","Paulie: Yeah? Yeah...","Paulie: Obviously we're not asking everyone to read that. Oh, okay. Thank you. Thanks for that. I guess I could... yeah, I could take a few minutes out there, try to memorize it. You don't need to memorize it. No one's expecting that. You know, we just want to see it. Right. Yeah, okay. Well, look, the truth is I didn't... I didn't read the whole script. So, busted.","(Producers laugh)","So, you know, then it's a cold reading, and I don't do cold reads well. And I could argue otherwise. I've given you stuff cold before. Right? I had you change lines right on the spot. Yeah. Uh-huh.","Paulie: You always nailed it. If you'd like to take your time, and prepare, and then come back. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Are we casting tomorrow? Uh, this is the last day scheduled so far. Well...","Man: Right, right. I'm in Ireland tomorrow. Oh.","Valerie: Right. Well, it's up to you. We all know it's a cold reading.","Valerie: Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. Sure. Okay. And down there?","Man: Yeah. Is that where we go?","Man: Right there. Okay, off we go then.","Valerie: I'm gonna... Oh, Mickey, I'm gonna need my glasses.","Valerie: Sorry. Have to see it if I'm gonna read it.","(All chuckling)","Right? If I could memorize it, you could see it without... Okay. That's fine. Okay. She won't look like this.","(Producers laughing)","Valerie: Just look it over for one second.","Paulie: Whenever you're ready, Val.","Take your time. Mm-hmm. Okay.","Paulie: Great. Okay.","(Clears throat)","\"You think I'm this dried up, middle-aged woman. Look at the jokes you write, look at this tracksuit you make me wear. All saying the same thing; I'm old, I'm annoying, I'm unfuckable.","Valerie: \"Well, I'm not the joke, okay? You are, Mitch. And instead of spending all your time trying to make me the joke, why don't you do your job and write me one, huh? A real joke, Mitch. Not you and your boys \"off in a room making fun of an old woman's pussy. Yeah, I heard you. I heard what you think of me. I heard it. Well, maybe you and everyone in television \"could...\" oh, I said it wrong. Just let me go back. Okay. \"Well, maybe you and everyone in the television business can't see me as desirable, \"but there are plenty of men out there who... but there are plenty of men out there... Who would still want to f*ck an old lady like me. So f*ck you, Mitch. Just f*ck you. And f*ck you.\"","Valerie: Okay.","Valerie: Well, that was cold and, um... It was a little too... Just, up there. I'm gonna get my crew and gonna get out of here. Okay. So thank you, very much. Ooh. Need to get my purse, Mickey. Just get it. Okay, everyone coming? Okay. Why, why did I do that? It was so stupid. Do a cold reading? It was so stupid. Ooh. (Gasps)","Ivan: You dropped your mic.","(Man via headphones): ...Gonna have a problem with this. I can hear them.","(Woman via headphones): I don't know what that was, but I've got to have more of it. Is that weird? It's stuck. Leave it. Leave it. Leave it.","(Paulie via headphones): We're not casting her though, right?","Man 2: That's who you wrote, Paulie.","Man 2: She even had the cameras.","(Paulie laughing)","What's it stuck on? I don't understand.","(Gasps)","It's broken.","Valerie: It's a rental. Now what do I do? Ooh. Oh. I, um... Dropped this, so... and I didn't want to, you know, I wasn't listening. So... Okay, we're good. Got it. Thank you.","Sharon: Thank you. Yeah. Bye. Bye, Shannon.","Valerie: Sharon!","Mickey: I thought you were wonderful, Red. Wasn't. Cold read. Sometimes it's not possible to win. You know, just got... That's supposed to go up though. Why isn't it going up? Okay. Can't get out.","Man over PA: (Unintelligible) What?","Man over PA: (Unintelligible) I can't understand. Mickey, could you understand?","Mickey: No.","(Car honks)","Tyler: They want you to go.","Yeah, well no one wants to get out of here more than I do. So thanks for that, Tyler. Hey, you... someone has to help me.","Man over PA: (Unintelligible) Oh, it said you put in the wrong ticket. Oh. Well... I don't... That's right, I had two tickets. But who... who gives you two valet tickets, anyway? f*cking HBO.","Man over PA: You put in the wrong... (Unintelligible) I know. I know. I did a stupid thing! Okay.","(Horn blaring)","Oh, you know what? All right. Shut up, sir! I can't go! All right? No, you! Just turn them off. Off. Cameras off, okay?","Man over PA: (Unintelligible) Okay, you don't have to shoot everything. You just keep blabbering and I... You know? 'Cause, listen... turn the cameras off, so you missed the call from my agent. Okay. Never turn the cameras off.","Tyler: You told us to. Well, Tyler, not now. Okay? You're gonna harsh my mellow. You know what? Why don't I just do the call again? Right? I can fake it, I'm an actress. Yeah. According to HBO I'm an \"amazing\" dramatic actress. So, who knew. (Laughs)","Mickey: Good for you, Red. We're back on TV. Well, no. \"It's not TV. It's...\" they don't do that anymore, do they? Okay, in five, four, three... someone say \"ring.\"","Mickey: Oh. Ring! Oh. It's my agent. This is Valerie Cherish. No, you know what? Let's do that again.","(Door opens)","Mark: Val?","Ooh. This is better. Okay, you guys. You're gonna get me telling Mark.","Valerie: And get his reaction when I'm telling him. Hey guys. Hi. Still working? (Chuckles)","Valerie: Yeah.","Valerie: Um, got something to tell you. Tell me what?","Valerie: Well, Marky Mark, just got a call from my agent, Sean something. HBO and Mr. Paulie G. loved me and offered me a part in \"Seeing Red.\" How do you like that?","(Laughs)","Mark: Well, how'd that happen?","Aren't we suing them? Well, okay. That was a mistake. You know. Lesson learned. Took myself too seriously. You know, it's a part in a show. Well, last night you said it was you. Yeah, and somebody's gonna play me. You know? And not as good. Now it's me playing me.","Valerie: Well, I don't think so... No way, Val. I mean, no f*cking way.","Valerie: Well... To be continued.","('80s music playing)","Mickey, are you coming...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Harry: When do we get paid?","Ivan: I think it's like every week.","\u266a When I'm with you baby \u266a \u266a I go out of my head \u266a \u266a And I just can't get enough \u266a \u266a And I just can't get enough \u266a \u266a All the things you do to me \u266a \u266a And everything you said \u266a \u266a I just can't get enough \u266a \u266a I just can't get enough \u266a \u266a We slip and slide as we fall in love \u266a \u266a And I just can't seem to get enough of \u266a","\u266a It's getting hotter it's a burning love \u266a \u266a And I just can't seem to get enough of \u266a"],"Show Title":"The Comeback","Episode Number":"02x01","Episode Title":"Valerie Makes a Pilot","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Good_Wife_06x03.json","Recap":["Cary's bail is in jeopardy when the State applies to revoke bail after a key witness, a confidential informant, disappears. A pre-trial service officer must determine whether he continues to remain free. Florrick\/Agos handle a case whereby the defendant and the plaintiff, both neighbors, try to resolve a patent infringement case outside traditional court - instead seeking a resolution inside \"Christian Arbitration\", whereby Biblical teachings are used to guide a conclusion. Alicia, constantly annoyed by people who think she is running for State's Attorney, tries to squelch all the speculation when a chance encounter with Gloria Steinem and veiled threats from the State's Attorney give her pause to reconsider."],"Transcript":["(Phones ringing, indistinct chatter)","No, that's not what he said. No, it's not. Because it isn't. No, I... (Grumbles) Look... No. Listen, I have to go.","(Hangs up)","You can sit. Mr. Agos... A-gos? Agos. Agos Mr. Agos, I am your pretrial service officer Joy Grubick You've been released on bond. You are waiting trial. And your release has come with certain conditions. My job is to see to it that you live up to those conditions and to report to the court on your compliance. Do you understand? I do. In my supervisory capacity, I will regularly meet with you, your lawyer, your employer, and other collateral witnesses to ascertain your fitness for continued bond release. Hmm? You are currently employed? I am. I-I don't see any entry for direct supervisory employer here. Yeah, I don't really have an employer. I'm a partner at my law firm. I need a name. Um... Alicia Florrick. My other partner. You need any information on drug or alcohol treatment programs while subject to release? No. Have you uesd any controlled substances since your release? No. Have you partaken of any alcoholic beverages? Mm, no... a beer. One beer? Yes. And... When did you consume this beer? Uh, after my release. There was a celebration with a few coworkers.","(Both exhale)","Mm... was this at a bar? No, at my apartment. You said this was a celebration with a few people. And who were they? Oh. You want to know their names? Yes. Actually, it was probably just one. I need a name. Kalinda. Sharma. How is your hand? Although you are not explicitly forbidden alcohol, we would advise against any triggers for abuse. I understand.","(Phones ringing, indistinct chatter)","Joy: How are you handling your release, Mr. Agos?","How am I handling it? Fine, I guess. I wasn't in that long. Any disagreements at work?","Dean: We need more space. I can't bring my clients here.","Alicia: We're already overextended. We can't just... All right, everyone stop. No, everything went well. Well, how's your employer handling your return? Alicia? That is the heart and soul of Lockhart\/Gardner. We took their six top department heads. Why are you screwing this u... She handled it very well. A condition of your bail is that you inform your clients of your current status. Have you done so, either by letter or in person? Yes, in person. And what did you say? Two weeks ago I was arrested for transporting $1.3 million in heroin. Um... obviously, I didn't do it.","Alicia: In fact, we think that the state's attorney brought these charges because Cary is such an effective advocate. I still plan to be involved with all my cases, but we also have other attorneys who are willing to step in. We don't want any interruption in your service. We want to keep you as a client. So what do you think, Mr. Clay? And did you lose any clients after informing them of your status? Yeah, a few. How many? Four. And who have you retained? Cary, I had some issues in my youth. Stole a car. Went for a joyride, crashed into some barbed wire. I was in jail for four months. That's where I turned my life around. Forgiveness isn't just a nicety to me, it's my life. So, yes, I want you to stay on my case. Thank you. Thank you, Ed. Dean?","(Door opens)","Mr. Pratt. Dean Levine-Wilkins. Good to meet you. Nice to meet you. Dean and I will argue in court, but purely under Cary's supervision. Good.","(Indistinct chatter over loudspeaker)","Yes, I know you have to get back to court. Mr. Agos, let me give you some advice. I do this because I care. I know it doesn't sound like it, but that's just the way I talk. You can't live life the way you used to. You can't just have a beer. You can't just associate with your old friends. You need to treat this seriously or you will end up behind bars again. You understand? I think I do. Good. See you next week.","Dean: What is this, Mr. Pratt? It's a seed. A seed. A seed with a genetic protective shell?","Pratt: Yes. Our scientists call it a full metal jacket. A full metal jacket. Objection. We all heard, including his honor. Again, the defense attorney is abusing his objections. You're objecting to my objections? You know what you're doing...","(All clamoring)","Judge: Stop it, everybody stop!","The objection is overruled. Let's go, Mr. Schmidt. I mean, Mr... You. Thank you, Your Honor. Mr. Pratt, you're a farmer yourself, aren't you? I am. My dad, too. Four generations. And that's why you started the company? Yes. We wanted to create a seed that could genetically withstand whatever nature threw at it. Okay, so how much did it cost to develop this seed? This seed here? $400 million. $400 million. Well, then why are you suing Mr. Keller? He's a farmer just like yourself, isn't he? Patent infringement. We received a tip he was brown-bagging.","Dean: I'm sorry... brown-bagging? Uh, saving and replanting seeds from his harvest. Okay, the supreme court held in J.E.M. Ag Supply v. Pioneer that saving patented seeds is illegal? It's my own seed. On my own land.","Alicia: Your Honor. Your Honor... He's simply stating the obvious. He can state the obvious when you're questioning him... Mr. Levine-Wilkins has yet to even establish... (Gavel banging, attorneys arguing) Shut up! We're taking a five-minute recess.","Cary: Alicia, watch it with Ed. I don't think he likes all the fighting. It's just bluster. I know that, but he doesn't.","Schmidt: Mr. Pratt, do you have a monopoly on seed distribution in Kane County, Illinois? I don't know if I'd call it a monopoly. My seeds are very popular. Isn't my client the only farmer in Kane who doesn't use your seeds? Yes, I think that's right. And that makes him a target? Objection, Your Honor. Argumentative. Sustained. Move on, Mr. Schmidt.","Schmidt: Thank you. I have here a chart from the National Weather Service. Can you tell me what it shows? Wind speed and wind direction. Good. Now, every farm surrounding Mr. Keller's land uses your seeds, so isn't it possible that these high winds blew your patented seeds onto my client's field?","Alicia: Objection. Calls for speculation. If Mr. Schmidt wants to question a meteorologist, then bring in a meteorologist.","Glatt: Sustained. Move on, Mr. Schmidt.","Diane: I have some good news. And some bad news? No, just... good news. You're so tense. The state's attorney lost its witness against you. What? The confidential informant on Bishop's crew... The one wearing the wire. He was the cornerstone of the case. And they lost him. How did they lose him? I have no idea. He just went missing. He was scared of testifying. But without him, the state's attorney has no case. It's not over yet. The ASA is asking for a continuance at 2:00. But I-I do think the judge will dismiss. So don't lose hope. Did Bishop get to him? The C.I... Did Bishop get to him? Oh, I don't think he knew about him. Anyway, I've got to go. I'll see you at 2:00. Thank you, Diane. You said they had a C.I. with a wire. Yeah. I think that's gonna take care of itself.","Alicia: It's because you know you have no case.","Glatt: I see you've forgotten the rules of questioning! You three get so excited about winning arguments, you forget the point! Mrs. Florrick.","Alicia: Thank you, Your Honor. Mrs. Toms, is that man over there a customer at your feed and seed store?","Toms: Yes, ma'am. He bought our non-GMO seeds. He wasn't anti-GMO or anything, just... He said he didn't want to pay big prices. And did he stop buying these seeds in 2012? Yeah. He told my husband... Objection, Your Honor. Hearsay.","Dean: 804 exception, Your Honor. Declarant is unavailable. Mrs. Toms' husband is deceased.","Schmidt: That doesn't make any difference.","Glatt: Wait. Wait. Mrs. Toms, did Mr. Keller ever discuss with you directly why he stopped buying seeds?","Toms: No. Then I sustain the objection.","Dean: Your Honor, this is ridiculous.","Schmidt: What's ridiculous is Mrs. Florrick not being able to accept a loss...","(Gavel banging, attorneys arguing)","Glatt: Hey! Shut up!","It's just better to give them a foregone conclusion.","Cary: What foregone conclusion? Cary... this isn't working for us. What isn't? The trial. Sir, you should be talking to your own lawyer. That's the problem. It's about the lawyers, not us. Wendell is my neighbor. I have a disagreement with him, not with you all. My wife just called an arbitrator. He can start with us immediately. Well, Ed, arbitration is exactly like court. Just as binding, just as... This is different. Welcome to binding Christian arbitration. My name is Del Paul. Mr. Pratt and Mr. Keller have requested this forum because they believe there is a better way than the adversarial approach of blame and denial. It's called the Matthew process. And yes, lawyers, that is a real thing.","Jesus tells us: If your brother sins, go and point out his fault, just between the two of you. And if he doesn't listen, take one or two others along so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. So, why don't we begin? Let us pray. Lord, we thank you for this day, and we thank you for these professionals who just want to see justice done.","Schmidt: Mr. Pratt, do you have a monopoly on seed distribution in Kane County, Illinois? Well, I don't know if I'd call it a monopoly. My seeds are very popular. Isn't my client the only farmer in Kane who doesn't use your seeds? Yes, I think that's right. And that makes him a target? Objection. Argumentative. Come on. Go ahead, you can answer. Uh, sorry, sir, but the question was inflammatory. No. I think he can handle it. Go ahead.","Pratt: Wendell is only a target in the sense that if people take my seed without paying, I would go out of business.","Schmidt: I have here a chart from the National Weather Service. Can you tell me what it shows?","Pratt: Wind speed, wind direction.","Schmidt: Isn't it possible these high winds blew your patented seed onto my client's field? Objection. Calls for speculation. If you want to question a meteorologist, Mr. Schmidt, do so. Del. (Laughs) I'm feeling a little attacked here.","Paul: Look, every answer will only get us closer to the truth. So, let's just answer honestly. Okay, Your Honor... Uh, Del, that is an improper question. It seems proper to me. Not for a layman, or a non-meteorologist. But Mr. Pratt must have an opinion. We all do. So, let's just hear his. Well, sure, it's possible.","Schmidt: It's possible high winds blew your seed onto my client's land? Sure. Well, if that's true, isn't it possible this seed on his land is just... part of God's plan? Oh.","(Loud, overlapping shouting)","Diane: Without their confidential informant, Your Honor, the state's attorney's office has no case.","We have a recording of the defendant perpetrating this crime. Allegedly perpetrating. And my client has a Sixth Amendment right to confront his accuser. Which presupposes that Trey Wagner is our only witness. Is he? No.","Petrov: Ah, here's the accused now. Come join us in the lovely bond court. My apologies, Your Honor. I was in court on another matter.","Diane: The fact that the ASA has requested a delay in preliminary suggests that he has no evidence other than this one witness. I'm afraid that Ms. Lockhart has been misinformed about our motion. We're not asking for a delay in preliminary. We're asking for revocation of bail.","Diane: Your Honor, this is... What has Mr. Agos ever done to warrant revocation of bail? The day that Mr. Agos was released from holding, the primary witness against him, Trey Wagner, disappeared.","Diane: That is completely irrelevant. We have evidence Mr. Agos intimidated the witness. What evidence? A report from his pretrial services officer that he met with Kalinda Sharma after his release. Kalinda Sharma then approached Trey Wagner. Your Honor, this is attack by supposition.","Polmar: Which is why we need a revocation of bail hearing.","Diane: Mr. Agos has already been through a source of funds hearing. Now the county wants a revocation of bail hearing? This is... this is Kafka in action.","Petrov: The longer I live, the more I realize that everything is Kafka in action. I will hear arguments on Tuesday.","Polmar: Thank you, Your Honor. Next.","(Sighs)","They're gonna get me one way or another.","(Overlapping chatter)","Joy: Well, that's not what he said.","No, it isn't. No, no, that's not what he said. No, he didn't say that. Uh... no. Look, I have to go. Good-bye.","(Phone hangs up)","Hi. My name is Joy Grubick, and I'm the pretrial service officer for Cary Agos. And as such, it is my job to write a report to the court on Cary's compliances with, uh, his bond obligations. Looks like you already did that. I'm sorry? You already did that. The court is holding a revocation of bail hearing based on your report. No, no, no. (Laughs) That was based on my notes. Ah. Well, that's a comfort. You're Mr. Agos' employer? No, I'm his partner. Well, yes, but, for my report, I need to declare an employer. Well, that's too bad, because he doesn't have an employer. Okay. And how has Cary been doing at work, Mrs. Florrick? We took their six top department heads. Why are you fighting me on this? Because this is B.S. They are not ours! They want to change... Well. He's doing well. Good. I understand he was in court yesterday and today. Yesterday, but not today. And afterwards, after court?","Cary: Alicia, do you have a minute? What's up? We heard you were staffing your campaign office. You... no. Where did you hear that? A reporter called me for comment. She asked if I had a position on your campaign. I didn't even know there was a campaign to have an opinion about. Yes? You want to hear what happened afterwards, right? Yes, after court. The state's attorney met with me. I see. Was Cary Agos with you? No. Mr. Castro just came to see me. Well, then it's not important. We can move on. You don't want to hear about Mr. Castro threatening Cary? I'm not threatening Cary. It sounds like you did. No. I'm saying, Cary's case will go away if he testifies against Bishop. That's what we call plea bargaining. Mr. Castro, you don't come to Cary, who's in the next room. You don't come to his lawyer, Diane Lockhart. You come to me. Who are you really threatening here? I really don't need to hear all this. You don't want to hear about the state's attorney's threats? They're not relevant to my report. But I'm not finished yet.","Castro: Are you asking whether this has anything to do with your campaign? Let's just be clear, Mr. Castro. You're making a connection between Cary Agos' prosecution and your campaign for state's attorney. No. I'm doing the opposite. I'm saying Cary's prosecution has nothing to do with politics. But... Here we go. Well, it won't look good for your campaign, will it? Your partner being in prison.","(Phone chimes)","You want to repeat that, Mr. Castro? No... but... I will say this. It's a bad idea to run, Alicia. Very few saints survive oppo research.","(Phone chimes off)","I'm not running. I'm gonna stop you right there. You don't want to hear more? No, it's just that that's all the time we have. But thank you. And good luck. With? With your campaign. I heard about it on the drive in. It was on Morning Edition. Eli, what...? I know. I heard the Morning Edition thing, too. I had nothing to do with it. They said I opened a campaign office. No, they quoted a blog saying you opened a campaign office. But you haven't, so the quote is wrong.","(Beep) Woman: Mr. gold, Mrs. Florrick is here to see you. Thank you, Nora. Your precognitive powers amaze me. Tell them it's wrong. What? Tell them I'm not running. No. You just feed the fire if you tell them things. No. I feed the fire. You feed them on background. Okay, talk to Steve Inskeep at the fund-raiser tomorrow. What? No. Who? From Morning Edition. He'll be at the fund-raiser tomorrow night. Did you forget? No. When? 7:00 P.M. Talk to him. It's the only way to nip this in the bud. I have to get to church. Good. Atheism doesn't play anyway.","Schmidt: Congratulations, Ms. state's attorney. Actually, no, it's all wrong. I'm not running.","Dean: Really? Did you hear Morning Edition? They got it wrong. I'm not running. Cary, do you have a second? How was your P.S.O. interview? Good. Or I don't know. I had a bit of an edge. But I'm not so sure that's a bad thing. Well, thank you, and I've been thinking. This-this rule change in arbitration isn't necessarily a bad thing, either. What are you thinking? Mrs. Toms, is that man over there a customer at your seed store? He is. Wendell bought our non-GMO seeds. He wasn't anti-GMO or anything. Just... GMO? Uh, what's that? Genetically-modified organism. Wendell said he just didn't want to pay big prices.","Alicia: Good. And did he stop buying seeds at your store in 2012? Yeah. He told my husband that he...","Schmidt: Objection, Your Honor. Del. Hearsay. And, uh, rule 804 does not apply here. Mrs. Toms is a widow, and a Christian woman who has something to share, so... Isn't that right, Mrs. Toms? So, shouldn't she be allowed to speak honestly and forthrightly? Well, first of all, you don't need to gild the Lily. Second of all, she hasn't said anything yet.","Schmidt: Yes, but, Del, I know what she will say. She has no firsthand knowledge of the events she's being asked to give testimony for. Mrs. Toms, have you been telling the truth here today?","Toms: I have.","Paul: Then you may answer the question.","Schmidt: Del? Mr. Schmidt, I know this may seem foreign to you, but you have to trust the process.","(Clearing his throat)","Mrs. Toms, what did your departed husband tell you? That Wendell said he didn't need to buy seed from us anymore because he \"hit the mother lode.\" and by \"hitting the mother lode,\" you believe that Mr. Keller was taking and planting Mr. Pratt's seeds? Yeah. Why else would he not need our seed anymore? Uh, can I break in here? Why don't we ask him? What? Why don't we ask Wendell? He's sitting right here. I'm staring right at him. Why don't we just ask him? Your Honor... Del, he hasn't been sworn in. Yes, but we've been trusting Mrs. Toms. Why don't we just trust Wendell? Mr. Keller, have you been planting these seeds of Mr. Pratt's? Well... Del, I'm going to instruct my client not to answer. No. Guys... if you'd... That's not how this works... The Matthew process. Just answer the question, just tell the truth. Do I replant seed? Sure. Always have, always will.","Paul: Ed's seeds? I don't know. Is it possible some of Ed's seed got onto my land and I replanted them? Sure. Okay, well, uh, Del, I congratulate our defendant on his honesty, but that's our whole suit. He admitted his complicity. No. Did you intend to plant these seeds, Wendell? It doesn't matter if he intended to. Intent is irrelevant to patent law. He just admitted... But intent is relevant here. 1 Samuel 16:7. \"God sees not as man sees, \"or man looks at the outward appearance; but God looks at the heart.\" Come on. He just admitted to breaking the law. No, he admitted to not being conscious of breaking the law.","(Knocking)","Grace? Do you have a minute? Yeah.","Alicia: \"My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the lord who judges me.\" So... doesn't that mean... That you can sin and not even know it? I guess. So intent is irrelevant to guilt. Yeah, but that's only one verse. Yeah, but that's all I need. I'm just looking for a precedent. That's called prooftexting, mom. You can't do that. You have to look at what the whole Bible says. But aren't all the verses considered true? Well, yeah, but you can't pick and choose. I'm a lawyer. That's what I do.","(Both chuckle)","So you really believe all this, Grace? The Tower of Babel? Noah's Ark? Everything? I don't know if it's all historically accurate. But... I think it can be true in another way. What other way? Well, you know, like poetry. It can still be true even if it's not accurate. Hmm. Look, if I wanted you to remember that God created everything, I'd probably tell you a story about it happening in seven days. Like, that doesn't actually mean that it happened in seven days. It just means that I wanted you to remember that God created everything. Did you just... make all that up? Yeah, why? Well, it sounds... smart. Well, thanks for being surprised. (Chuckles)","(Chuckling): Oh, my gosh. Okay. So I can use the first quote. What is it? 1 Corinthians. And he'll come back at me with 1 Samuel 16:7. What can I use?","Romans: \"I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law.\" Right, good. The law. Yeah. Oh, and look at his translation. Um, I think it's American standard version. Compare it to, uh, the revised standard.","Alicia: \"If a person sins and does something the Lord has commanded not to do, even if he doesn't know it, he is still guilty. He is responsible for his sin.\" Leviticus? Chapter 5, verse 17. I think it's pretty clear, Del. Intent is not essential to sin. Do you know what the penalty for that was, Alicia, in Leviticus 5? The burnt offering of a male sheep. Are you suggesting Mr. Keller burn a sheep? 'Cause we could arrange that. I see you've both done your homework. Del, I would argue that New Testament commands hold sway over Old Testament commands, just as Christ came to fulfill the law. Not to abolish it. Yeah, that's Matthew 5:17.","1 Corinthians 4: \"My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent.\"","Paul: Thank you. It's good to see you've all become biblical scholars overnight. But I would agree. I may have been a little hasty yesterday. Clearly the scriptures are not as easy to unpack as I would like. I'd like to reflect on this, pray on it, and I'll return with my decision. Detective Prima, what are we... what are we looking at here? That's Trey Wagner, our confidential informant in Lemond Bishop's gang.","Polmar: Your former confidential informant? Yes, unfortunately, yes. And these photos were taken... A week ago. The same night that Mr. Agos was released. Here is another photo of Trey. And who is he with? That's Kalinda Sharma, an investigator working for Mr. Agos' firm.","(Quietly): Look forward. No emotion. And what happened after this photograph was taken, detective? Trey Wagner disappeared. We have reason to believe that Ms. Sharma passed along a message from Mr. Agos... Objection. Rank speculation.","Petrov: Sustained.","Polmar: So Trey Wagner was a witness against Mr. Agos? That's right. Tell me, do you know, was it a condition of his bail that he not contact any of the witnesses? It was. Thank you, detective. Mrs. Wagner, your husband is a confidential informant for the Chicago police department, is that correct?","Mrs. Wagner: I've been told that now. I didn't know before.","Polmar: And when is the last time that you saw your husband, Mrs. Wagner? Seven days ago. July 1. Can you describe the last time you saw him?","Mrs. Wagner: He came home around midnight. He was scared. He said someone was gonna kill him.","Polmar: And how did he know that?","Mrs. Wagner: Some Indian woman told him.","(Quietly): Don't turn around. Don't do anything.","Polmar: Thank you, Mrs. Wagner. Your Honor, Kalinda Sharma met Cary Agos the night that he was released from holding. 20 minutes after that, Trey Wagner was warned by an Indian woman that he should be afraid for his life. Kalinda... (Clears throat) I can't suborn perjury, so I'm not gonna ask what you did or who you met with... I think that's smart. But I think it would be good if there were a way to impeach Stacie Wagner's testimony. I agree. I'm not worried about suborning perjury. Did you threaten Trey Wagner? No. You told Bishop he was the C.I.? You don't want to know, Cary. And then you warned Trey that Bishop was coming after him, and that's why he took off. I have to go.","Alicia: I didn't know you were religious. I almost became a priest. Really? When? Right out of high school. Why didn't you?","To kill a mockingbird.","(Laughs) Yeah. That book created a lot of lawyers. Yeah, I realized I wanted justice in this world, not the next. Hmm. You? I don't know what I want.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mrs. Florrick, hello. My name is Joss Acker. Hi, I'm Frank Seddio. Before you completely staff up your campaign office, I'm a member of the Black Caucus... I think we met last year. I was in the audience at your speech. Actually, actually, gentlemen, I'm not running, and I have a reception to get to, so... African-Americans have been completely ignored in campaign staffing for years now, Mrs. Florrick... The governor said you would say that. And I really want you to know... Wait. What? Diversity hires, ma'am. No, what did you say about the governor? My husband? Yes, he sent me to see you. He... Wait, Mrs. Florrick, please... Mrs. Florrick, I think you have a real opportunity... Alicia, good. I need you to not talk about your campaign. Oh, God, there is no campaign. Exactly, I need you not to talk about it. Where's Peter? Other side of the stage. Why? Have you seen Peter? Oh, my God. Oh, no, but thank you. I'm Gloria Steinem. Yes. I know. Uh, Alicia Florrick. I know that and, also, I know that your husband is already speaking. They just introduced him. But I hear you're going to run for state's attorney. That's great. Oh, uh, no, it's, um, a little... that was a little premature. Why? Because I'm-I'm... not sure if I'm running. And why aren't you sure? Well, I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment. You know... life, work. Okay, but show me the woman who isn't overwhelmed. (Laughs) That is true, yes, but this is... I'm... It wasn't my idea. My-my husband's, um, chief of staff... He asked me to run. Would you do a good job? You would. Well, that's not... That-that's not the point. No, I think it is the point. I think if you would do a good job, you should run. People respect you. And you could make a difference. We need more good women to run.","Emcee: Now please welcome feminist icon Gloria Steinem.","(Applause)","Alicia, it was great talking to you, but I'm serious. Do run.","Steinem: It's very nice talking to you, Alicia. You could make it all the way to the supreme court, Alicia. You're that amazing. Thank you all. After much reflection and prayer and returning to scripture with an open heart, I realized that I was wrong. Knowledge of sin is to some extent irrelevant. So I will hear arguments now on the fact of Ed's seeds being planted on Wendell's land, not just the intent. Del, we maintain our objection. I understand. So... You may call your next witness, Alicia, Dean, Cary.","(Briefcase unlocks)","Derek Voss. I am a forensic botanist. Mr. Pratt hired me to do a field study on plants containing his seed's genetic marker. After testing Mr. Keller's, uh, fields, what did you find? I found that his fields went from an acceptable six percent, uh, of Mr. Pratt's seeds to 89% in one year. Can that be explained by, uh, blow-in? No, it's my conclusion that he's saving and replanting seeds.","Dean: Thank you.","(Clears throat)","Del, I'll be frank. This is bad science. We need an independent test using top-of-the-line DNA sequencers.","Paul: And how long would that take?","Schmidt: Two months.","Alicia: Oh, come on, that is a delaying tactic, Del.","Dean: That's impossible.","Schmidt: Accuracy takes time. Am I supposed to... You know this is untrue, Wendell. You've been replanting my seeds. With the herbicide you were using, you would have killed off everything except our plants. You know that.","Schmidt: Excuse me, don't talk to my client, sir. No, let them talk.","Schmidt: No, Del, please instruct Mr. Pratt this is not a free-for-all. No. I agree... It's time for the two of them to talk it out. Wendell, I know you don't live with your head in the sand. You're a good man. A good steward of the earth. Just tell the truth.","Schmidt: Wendell, shall we take a break? No. I've been replanting your seeds. I know it's against the law, but it's a rotten law. (Sighs) I had no choice. Your seeds were taking over my land. You control over 90% of the market, Ed. You control the food. When you control the food, you control the people. I'm sorry, Del. I lied earlier. I knew what I was doing. I lied before God. And I'm sorry.","Paul: Thank you, Wendell. Thank you for sharing that. Del. We thank Wendell for his honesty.","But, again: That makes this case simpler. Yes, it does. Wendell, since you've admitted to the infringement, I have no choice but to find... Del, excuse me. I submit the admission is moot. W... what? He just... Why? There can be no infringement because... The patenting of life is an affront to God. (Scoffs) Are you kidding me?","Schmidt: They're messing with nature. The Bible says God's creation is good.","Alicia: What about weeds? Are weeds good? Because our client knows how to get rid of weeds, Your client is greedy. and your client likes that. Greedy.","Dean: Our client has spent $400 million on R&D for a product that is feeding the world.","Schmidt: Dean, they own one gene. No, what's ridiculous is Mrs. Florrick not being able to...","Alicia: What's ridiculous is that you don't allow me to finish questioning...","(Overlapping arguing)","Keller: Look, I'll-I'll pay you for the seeds I used, and I guess I'm your customer.","But I'd appreciate a discount. I think that's a good idea. They own one gene in one seed. They don't own the plant. They don't own the sun. \"Render unto Caesar that is Caesar's and unto God What is God's.\" Now you're just quoting random Bible verses. Are you good? Yeah. You? Thanks. We settled it.","Diane: Who is that, Mrs. Wagner? The man you're kissing.","Mrs. Wagner: Uh...","Diane: It's not your husband, is it? It's not Trey?","(Whimpers)","Was that a no, ma'am? That was a no. Thank you. We were able to I.D. him as Ellison McFarlane. Is he your boyfriend, Mrs. Wagner?","Polmar: Objection, Your Honor. Relevance. Your Honor, Mr. McFarlane's rap sheet is extensive. Assault and battery, armed robbery, possession. He is a dangerous man, with whom Mrs. Wagner has been carrying on an affair for over a year. She wanted a new life. She wanted Trey gone.","Mrs. Wagner: That's not true. Objection, Your Honor. This is pure conjecture with no basis in fact. Yep, you're right, Mr. Polmar. Then again, I'm not sure how much fact you've got either. I will rule tomorrow. In the meantime, Mr. Agos, try showing up on time, and stay close to home. (Gavel bangs) Next. So no money? Yep. Well, at least they're friends. Good working with you. You, too. Uh-huh. Do you still believe in God? Do I? Yeah. You? No. I don't think I'm genetically built to believe in God. I didn't think I was either. Until I was. Alicia, do you have a minute? Talk to you later, Alicia.","(Quietly): Who's that? A new partner. I was just heading home, Eli. This will only take a minute. Peter needs to endorse tomorrow for state's attorney, and I'm putting together a list of the top contenders. I can't put your name on that list, is that right? That's right. Do you have any other suggestions? Harold Lutz. No, we asked him. Diane Lockhart. Same. She said no. Well, who else is Peter considering? There was only one name. Well, I'm not running. I know. He knows. That's not the name. It's not? What-what's the name? James Castro. Oh, come on, Eli. He's not endorsing... Castro is a bad man. Yes, and Peter will grit his teeth and do it. James Castro's the only one who can win, and Peter needs to back a winner.","(Exhales)","Nice try. What? Trying to psych me into saying yes.","(Chuckles)","No, Alicia, not everything is about you. Peter is endorsing Castro. He is a bad man, but sometimes the world needs bad men. Unless you have another name. No. You. (Mock chuckles) Okay, thanks. If I think of another name, I'll let you know. Yeah. By tomorrow. Peter needs to endorse tomorrow. Otherwise it looks like he's following the crowd.","Steinem: Alicia, I'm tired. I need you to take over for me. Never say such a thing. I don't know why he'd say that. I never heard him say such a thing. No, I-I did... I have to go.","(Indistinct announcement over P.A.)","(Groans)","Did you have any questions, Ms. Grubick? Um... Yes. Let me see. As I said, I'm Cary Agos' pretrial services officer, and I just had a few questions for you as his lawyer before I submitted my report to the court. That is why I'm here. I understand you fired Mr. Agos a year ago. Yes, at his old firm. My old firm. And, actually, that wasn't the first time you fired him, was it? No. Once before. So... How secure is his job right now? (Chuckles) Very. My job is less secure than his. But it's my understanding he's lost many of his clients. Well, some of his clients. And that has not become an issue? That's the issue. I have to impress clients. You don't. Whose name's on the letterhead?","(Overlapping arguing)","Okay, wait, wait. No, no issue at all. And there's no tension between Cary and his coworkers?","(Overlapping arguing)","Three years ago I could have had my name on the letterhead. Cary, let's just listen, okay? All right, we need to expand. I mean, this is a charming space, but our clients are used to more. Your clients? I only say \"our clients\" because they're more in danger of leaving for Lockhart\/Gardner. So what do we do? We have nowhere to go. Uh, the floor above us has just become available, so I propose we-we build up.","Joy: Hmm, it is my understanding that Mr. Agos' bond has come from his workplace, your workplace. That is true. It's a lot of money. Is there any chance the bond would be rescinded due to financial issues or any other reasons?","Alicia: Can we afford it? The second floor? Well, Dean and I talked, and we would be willing to finance the first year's rent via a personal loan to the firm. Really? In exchange for the loan, uh, we would like an executive committee comprised of three partners from Florrick-Agos and three partners from Lockhart\/Gardner. No, the bond is secure. Okay. Is there anything else you want to tell me? No. All right, then. Thank you.","Petrov: This has not been an easy decision. On the one hand, the defense has presented a reasonable alternate theory to Trey Wagner's disappearance, but they haven't backed it up with evidence. The prosecution, meanwhile, has a great deal of evidence, but nothing that leads one directly to the conclusion that they would like. I am left with a tie. So I've asked the defendant's pretrial services officer to weigh in, and I'd like her recommendation on the record.","(Quietly): Oh, God. I'm screwed.","Petrov: Do you have a recommendation for the court? I do. Please.","(Joy clears throat)","In my sessions with Mr. Agos and, uh, collateral witnesses, I saw a man who is terrified of going back to jail. He was a deputy state's attorney, and, uh, there are prisoners inside who he put there, so that makes him a flight risk.","(Exhales)","Uh... but I also saw a man who is fighting for his business, determined to get his life back. It is my opinion he knew enough of the risks to not intimidate or order the intimidation of any witness. I have concluded that Mr. Agos has not broken any of the conditions of his bond.","Petrov: Thank you, Mrs. Grubick. You may step down. So there you have it. Mr. Agos, you will remain free on bail. (Gavel bangs) Next. You have something to say to me? No.","(Chuckles)","I doubt that. Men always have something to say. No. After I put your partner away for 15 years, then I'll have something to say. If you're still in office. Oh, so... that's why you're running, to get your partner off the hook. Or so you can keep your client, Lemond Bishop, out of jail. Or because your lover was gunned down in one of my courts. That's the rumor, anyway. Will Gardner was your lover. You blame me for his death, and that's why you're running. Retribution. Anything else? What do you want? No. Get it all off your chest. Oh, I have a lot on my chest. I'll save it for the campaign. Talk to you. Alicia. How are you? If I ran... what's the plan?"],"Show Title":"The Good Wife","Episode Number":"06x03","Episode Title":"Dear God","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_L_Word_01x09.json","Recap":["Bette faces serious personal and professional problems when the art gallery comes under attack for a radical exhibit and Tina buys expensive baby accessories without consulting her. As Dana starts to adjust to being out of the closet, fame (with complications) finds Shane when she gives a has-been actress, Cherie Jaffe ( Rosanna Arquette ), a new style and the married actress makes a pass at her. Alice finds complications with Lisa and turns to another man named Andrew. Jenny has an unpleasant dinner with Marina and Francesca, who defend their open romance; Jenny leaves even more confused about whether she wants to be with Marina or with Tim. Later, Tim tells Jenny that he cannot forgive her for her infidelity and deception. Also, Kit begins to rehearse for Slim Daddy's music video."],"Transcript":["EXT. - A HOUSE - BALCONY - NIGHT","[title card: Lisbon, Portugal - Present Day]","[Latin guitar music plays. The camera pans up the ornate iron railing of a balcony on a house. In the window, we can see what looks to be a man posing as Jesus, hands outstretched and upturned, with a light glowing on the wall behind his head. Three older men with beards stand around him in period costume. They all stand absolutely still as if they're posed for a painting.]","[A woman, Isabella Pernao, enters. The camera's view of the scene is obscured as it moves to another window. When we see the scene again, Isabella isn't there.]","INT. - A HOUSE - NIGHT","[The camera starts to pull away. Isabella is revealed to be naked, kneeling on a table in front of the man dressed as Jesus, rocking back and forth as if having s*x with him, with no pleasure evident in her features. The man dressed as Jesus doesn't move or react to her; Isabella stares straight ahead with an empty look upon her face.]","[The camera zooms out to reveal a video camera on a tripod, filming the entire scenario.]","[main title]","INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY","[Alice and Lisa are in bed. Lisa has his arm and leg over Alice. She tries to get up. He awakens.]","Lisa: Mm. Where you going?","Alice: I would like to go to the bathroom.","Lisa: So, are you coming back?","[Lisa kisses Alice's forehead.]","Alice: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.","[Alice gets up. Lisa snuggles into her pillow.]","Lisa: Hurry back, lover.","[Alice walks down the hallway.]","Alice: (to herself) What a lez!","INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY","[Bette is at the counter making some juice. Tina walks in the back door.]","Tina: Babe, I thought you were supposed to be gone.","Bette: No, I've got 5 minutes.","Tina: Well, do you mind moving your car, because the guys are here with the tank and they can't get through.","Bette: (turns around) What tank?","[Tina walks outside. Bette walks into the livingroom to look out the window.]","Tina: (to guys with tank) It's okay, she's gonna move it.","[Bette looks outside. There are a couple of guys in the driveway with a huge, round, wooden tank. Tina looks up at Bette in the window.]","Tina: (to Bette) You gonna move it, or what?","Bette: (smiling) Is that one of those birthing tanks?","Tina: Yeah.","Bette: Well, since when did we agree to have the baby in water?","Tina: Since I decided to give birth that way. I didn't wanna bother you with it.","Bette: (smiling) It's six months away, I don't understand why you're buying this now.","Tina: Because, I got a good deal on it. It would have been more to rent it.","Bette: And what is Doctor Wilson saying about this?","Tina: She thinks it's great.","Bette: So, you've talked to her about it, but not to me?","Tina: Baby. Please, move your car.","EXT. - KIT'S APARTMENT - DAY","[A palm tree-lined street. Muffled hip hop music is heard coming out of a sleek, black stretch limo belonging to rapper Slim Daddy. A man opens the door for Kit to get in.]","Kit: Yo, whassup!","INT. - SLIM DADDY'S LIMO - DAY","[Hip hop music plays. Kit gets in the limo and sits next to Slim Daddy. A few other guys are sitting in the back of the expansive automobile. One of them holds a tray of fruit smoothies. ]","Kit: Hi, Slim Daddy.","Slim: Hey, how you doing today?","Kit: Pretty good, yeah. You know, I really wanna thank you for giving me a ride to the studio.","Slim: sh1t, why wouldn't I wanna ride with a beautiful woman like you?","[Kit blushes.]","Smoothie Guy: Uh, Miss Porter. Do you want a smoothie?","Kit: Uh... yeah. What's in them?","Smoothie Guy: Fruit.","Slim: Tell her what kind we got.","Smoothie Guy: We got strawberry, orange, some berry-type thing, and, uh... peanut butter.","[Kit scrunches her nose.]","Smoothie Guy: Y'know, just in case.","Kit: I will take, uh, the strawberry.","[Smoothie Guy hands the strawberry smoothie to Slim Daddy. Kit is about to take it, but he instead holds it for her to take a sip. She does. The other guys smile.]","Slim: You like that?","Kit: Yeah, it's good. But I think I'd like it better if I could, um, drink it myself.","[Smoothie Guy laughs. Slim Daddy hands her the drink.]","Slim: (to Smoothie Guy) You drinking the peanut butter one.","[Smoothie Guy shuts up. The other guys laugh at him.]","EXT. - DANA'S HOUSE - DAY","[Great big, expensive house in the hills, surrounded by palm trees.]","INT. - DANA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY","[Dana is in bed. She's petting her cat, Mr. Piddles. He purrs like a motor. She kisses his head.]","Dana: Mr. Piddles? There's something important I have to tell you.","[Mr. Piddles purrs. Dana scratches his ear.]","Dana: Do you remember Lara? You remember how... how she used to come over all the time and... stay over sometimes and... we'd move around a lot and... together? Mr. Piddles, Lara's gay.","[Mr. Piddles stops purring. Dana looks at him.]","Dana: So am I. You still love me?","[Mr. Piddles purrs.]","Dana: Oh, you're the best cat in the world, Mr. P.","[Dana is startled when she hears her front door open and close.]","Dana: (to Mr. Piddles) Shhh.","[Whoever it is sets their keys down on the table in the other room, then a door creaks. Dana leans back, looking a bit worried, and grabs the covers. Alice walks into her bedroom.]","Dana: What are you doing here?!","[Alice plops down on the edge of the bed.]","Alice: (sighs) I've come... to get you out of bed.","[Dana knits her brow at her.]","Alice: C'mon. Let's go. I've had enough of this. C'mon.","[Alice throws the covers back. Mr. Piddles meows and runs into the other room.]","Alice: Oh sh1t - sorry. Mr. Piddles. (to Dana) Okay. C'mon.","[Alice physically moves Dana's legs over the side of the bed. Dana grumbles.]","Alice: Some of us have it worse, you know, Dana. Some of us are dating lesbian men. Okay? C'mon.","[Alice walks into the other room. Dana raises her brows at her.]","INT. - THE C.A.C. - DAY","[Bette is in the conference room, watching the Jesus video from the beginning of the episode. James sits at her side.]","Bette: (whispering) Look at her face.... She's searching for a feeling. It's like she's longing for faith. She'd do anything to get it. To feel it. (smiling) I love this work.","James: It is really cool.","[The man posing as Jesus in the film falls forward onto the woman, Isabella, as if in orgasm.]","[A flower delivery guy walks in carrying a big bouquet of flowers in a vase. He's distracted by the film.]","James: Can I help you?","Flower Guy: Uh. (looks at receipt) Uh, Bette Porter.","Bette: I'm Bette Porter.","Flower Guy: These are for you.","[James sets the flowers on the table.]","James: There's no card. Who are these from?","Flower Guy: Um... (looks at receipt) It, uh, doesn't say.","James: (to Bette) Tina?","Bette: No. Tina's into practical gift-giving.","[Flower Guy looks at the film.]","Flower Guy: Is that supposed to be art?","[James signs the Flower Guy's receipt.]","Bette: (smiling) It's not supposed to be. It is.","[Flower Guy doesn't look convinced.]","Flower Guy: I guess Hustler and Penthouse may put out some pretty good art, too.","[Flower Guy leaves. James looks at Bette, laughing.]","Bette: Can you make sure he leaves the building?","James: Yeah.","[Bette looks back at the film. Isabella sits alone now, weeping into her hands.]","EXT. - THE PLANET - DAY","[People are outside enjoying the sunshine.]","INT. - THE PLANET - DAY","[Alice and Dana are sitting together. Alice pushes a drink towards Dana. Dana just wants to slump in her chair and mope.]","Alice: What is gonna cheer you up?","[Dana rolls her eyes and slowly leans up out of her slump. She takes a sip of the drink. Alice grabs her cellphone and dials someone.]","Alice: (phone) Hello? Uh, hello, yeah. I was wondering if your refrigerator is running. oh, it is?","[Alice hands the phone to Dana.]","Alice: Go. They said \"yeah.\" C'mon.","[Dana puts the phone to her ear.]","Dana: (phone) Well, then, you better catch it!","[They both laugh.]","Dana: (phone) Mom?","[Alice stops smiling. Dana hangs up the phone and throws it at Alice. Alice sets it on the table.]","Alice: You have got to talk to this woman, and I mean it.","Dana: Why?","Alice: Because you don't know if she's coming around -","[The phone rings. Alice hands it to Dana.]","Alice: Okay. It's her. Let's go.","Dana: No!","[Alice answers it.]","Alice: (phone) Hello? Yes. Okay. Ye - I - I know, it wasn't funny. Yeah. She is.","[Alice hands the phone to Dana. Dana reluctantly takes it.]","Alice: She wants to talk.","Dana: (sighs) (phone) Hello? (listening) Yeah. Yeah, I know. But, mom, I'm not! I - (listening) O - Okay. O - fine, fine. Bye.","[Dana hangs up.]","Alice: Well?","Dana: It's like I came out to a piece of wood. I mean, she didn't even mention it.","Alice: That's good. She's accepting it through denial.","Dana: She's setting me up on a blind date with her friend Mildred's son!","Alice: At least it's not shock therapy.","Dana: What?!","INTERSTITIAL - THE STREETS OF L.A.","[Busy commercial district streets in near the mountains.]","EXT. - LATHER - DAY","[Shane is leaving. John catches her in the door.]","John: Uh, what are you doing? (to customer) Hello.","Shane: I'm getting coffee.","John: No, you are not. Cherie Jaffe is your six o'clock and she's not gonna wait for you.","INT. - LATHER - DAY","John: Be nice.","[Shane still stands in the doorway. A woman, Cherie's assistant, gets out of a white SUV and comes inside, to the front counter.]","Assistant: Hi.","Receptionist: Hi.","Assistant: Uh, I'm looking for a Shane McCutcheon.","[Receptionist nods over at Shane. Shane steps over.]","Shane: I'm Shane.","[The assistant unfolds a big folder on the counter.]","Assistant: Okay, um... these are Mrs. Jaffe's records, treatments her hair has undergone in the last 5 years, uh, a list of preferred products to be used on her hair, and ones that you must, under no circumstances, use.","[Shane nods.]","Assistant: If you've read and understand the information, you can just sign right here.","[The woman places an \"X\" on a form for Shane to sign. Shane signs it.]","Shane: It's no problem.","Assistant: Thank you.","Shane: Allright.","[Cherie Jaffe walks in. She's a little hurried and looks completely disinterested.]","Assistant: (whispering to Cherie) That's Shane.","Cherie: Sorry, what?","Assistant: That's Shane.","Cherie: Great.","Shane: Hi.","Cherie: (nodding) Hello.","INT. - PARAMOUNT PICTURES LOT - STUDIO - DAY","[A bunch of dancers are practicing a routine set to Kit's song. Bette stands off to the side in the shadows, smiling. Kit looks a bit out of sorts and can't seem to keep up with the dancers. The choreographer counts off and the group dances, but Kit keeps lagging behind.]","Choreographer: And 5, 6, 7, 8. (dancing) And one, two, three, four, and five, six, seven, eight!","[Bette watches and smiles proudly.]","Choreographer: (dancing) One, two, three, four, right here.","[Kit tries to keep up with the others.]","Choreographer: (dancing) One, five, six, seven eight. (stops) Okay, let's try one more time. Let's get back to formation.","[Slim Daddy and his crew approach Bette. The dance routine starts again, and the choreographer starts to count off again as the group begins to move to the music. Kit tries to keep up, but isn't quite hitting their rhythm.]","Slim: You a fan, or are you just watching?","Bette: (smiling) Oh, hello. I'm - I'm waiting for my sister, Kit Porter.","Slim: Kit's sister?","Bette: Her half-sister.","Slim: Hm. Beautiful half, I'm supposing.","Bette: Mmm, more like the gay half.","Slim: Is that so?","Bette: Mm-hmm.","Slim: Mm. That's sexy. Very sexy.","[Bette laughs. The dancers start to file out of the rehearsal area, past Bette and Slim Daddy.]","Slim: Hey, man, what's the matter with ya'll people, we torturing ya'll or somethin'? 'Cause I got a gang of people that'll love to be in this position that ya'll in. Ya'll need to fix ya'll faces up in here.","[Kit walks up to them. Bette smiles. Slim Daddy puts his arm around Kit.]","Slim: There you go, my girl, you having fun, yet, baby?","Kit: Ah, oh. (chuckles) Yeah. If that's what you wanna call it.","[Bette hugs Kit.]","Kit: (in Bette's shoulder) Ahh, this m*therf*cker's trying to kill me! You know I can't dance unless I drink.","[Slim Daddy stands back and watches the two women embracing each other.]","Slim: Yeah, that's what I like to see. Just like that. (to Kit) You know, me and your sister, we had a little talk. She's a very interesting lady.","Kit: Did she tell you that she was into women?","Slim: Yeah. That's one of the things we have in common. Matter of fact, where your girlfriends at right now?","Bette: We don't usually travel in packs.","Slim: It'd be nice if you have them come by here tomorrow. You know. Bring some excitement to this here video.","Kit: (chuckling) Wait a minute, for me or you?","Slim: sh1t, I figure we could share.","[Smoothie Guy walks up to Slim.]","Smoothie Guy: Yo, Slim, the dancers he brought ain't nothin', man, let me tell you what I got.","[Slim walks off with Smoothie Guy. Bette smiles at Kit.]","Bette: (smiling) He certainly lives up to his reputation.","Kit: Which one?","Bette: He's such a flirt!","Kit: He's a playa! (laughs) And I'm telling you, he plays with everybody.","Bette: Believe me, I didn't think it was because I was special or anything.","Kit: Aw... you are special, you're my sister!","[They leave together.]","INT. - LATHER - DAY","[Cherie Jaffe is sitting in the hairdressing chair. Shane stands behind her, tousling her hair to get an idea of how to style it. Cherie's assistant sits a few feet behind them, writing in her planner.]","Cherie: (to assistant) And also, will you call Gwynnie and get three tickets to Coldplay for Clea? But don't tell her, allright? Because I wanna see if she keeps this job. I'm not about to reward her if she quits.","Assistant: Okay.","Cherie: I think that's it. Why don't you go to Neiman's and pick up my Manolos, I think Lonnie's holding them for me.","Assistant: Neiman's?","Cherie: Yes, Neiman's?","Assistant: Okay.","Cherie: Bye.","[The assistant leaves. Shane turns Cherie's chair around and looks her right in the eye.]","Shane: Tell me what you want.","Cherie: I want so many things. But in terms of what you can do for me? I want a change. I want something new.","Shane: (nodding) Excellent.","[Shane turns the chair back around to face the mirror. She messes with Cherie's hair a bit more, checking the length and running her fingers through the sides.]","Shane: Yeah... I know what to do. (a beat) (fingers Cherie's shirt) Just, take this off. (a beat) And there's some smocks in the back.","[Cherie gets up.]","EXT. - MARINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT","[It's dinner night and Jenny has arrived. Marina lets her into the house.]","Francesca: (voice over) D'ya like it?","INT. - MARINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT","[Jenny sits on the couch in the livingroom, holding a champagne glass. Soft music plays in the background. Marina mills around in the kitchen several feet away.]","Jenny: (smiling) Yes.","Francesca: It's Prosecco. (pouring) In northern Italy, they serve it on tap.","Jenny: Thanks.","Francesca: It's lovely, isn't it?","Jenny: (drinking) Mm-hmm.","[Francesca sets the bottle down and kneels next to the CD player.]","Francesca: I like to start with something bubbly. But I find champagne can be too full of expectation. I like to keep things simple.","[Francesca puts another CD in the CD player. Jenny glances over at Marina, in the kitchen. Marina smiles at her.]","INT. - LATHER - DAY","[Cherie's in the chair. Her hair is pinned up. Shane is combing through and curling it.]","Cherie: So how did you meet Harry?","Shane: Through a friend.","Cherie: I have to say... when he told me I should come see you, I thought he was full of sh1t.","[They both smile.]","Cherie: As usual. But then Ellie Zimmer walked into the LACMA benefit two weeks ago, and I almost didn't recognize her. I mean, that woman has not looked good in 12 years. There she was, looking stunning.","[Shane chuckles.]","Cherie: You did an amazing job.","Shane: Thank you.","[Cherie sips on a glass of wine.]","Cherie: So, how did you get Harry to fall in love with you?","Shane: (laughing) Well, I didn't sleep with him.","[Cherie smiles and nods.]","INT. - MARINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT","[Francesca, Marina and Jenny sit at the dinner table, finishing up their meal.]","Jenny: \"The Gift of the Magi\" is one of the most perfect stories that's ever been written.","Francesca: Talk about economy of language. If it's a success, then it'll travel to New York, then L.A. And it should, because there was extraordinary people involved.","Marina: (chuckling) Are you referring to yourself?","Francesca: (chuckling) (to Marina) And a few others.","Marina: So says the prima ballerina.","Francesca: She was pretty terrific.","[Jenny looks very withdrawn and uncomfortable.]","Marina: (to Jenny) Francesca, uh, was a big fan of the prima ballerina.","Francesca: I had s*x with her, and now Marina's pretending to be jealous.","[Jenny, more withdrawn and uncomfortable by the second.]","Marina: It's just the way it happened. There's this woman who was getting a costume fitting, and Francesca proceeded to seduce her. (to Francesca) Which I think is a bit unethical.","Jenny: You do?","Francesca: Do you find that hard to believe?","Jenny: Yeah. Ethical isn't really the first word that comes to mind when I think of Marina.","[Marina looks stung.]","Francesca: You sound angry.","Jenny: (picking at food on plate) No.","Francesca: Well, she's beautiful. And that compensates for a multitude of sins. (to Marina) Doesn't it? C'mon! It's a compliment to be the topic of conversation. Isn't that right, Jenny?","INT. - LATHER - NIGHT","[Dance music plays. Cherie's hair is done and she's on the phone with Harry, preparing to leave. Shane puts on some finishing touches.]","Cherie: (phone) (smiling) Harry? You asshole. I'm calling you to say thank you for begging me to go to Shane. (puts phone at Shane's ear) (to Shane) Say hello Harry.","Shane: (phone) Hello, Harry.","Cherie: (phone) (to Harry) Uh-huh! (laughs) No. Oh, she's amazing! She's a genius!","[Cherie kisses Shane on the cheek.]","Cherie: (phone) (walking away) Yeah. First of all, for giving me a great haircut, and second of all, for not sleeping with you! So call me when you get out of your K hole, okay?","[Cherie heads downstairs to pay her bill. Shane leans over the balcony, watching.]","John: Thank you, Mrs. Jaffe.","[Cherie hands something to John.]","Cherie: Give that to Shane?","John: Sure!","Cherie: I love my hair.","John: Gorgeous.","[John walks around the counter to open the shop door to let her out.]","John: After you. See you again.","[Cherie leaves.]","John: Shane?","Shane: What?","John: Mrs. Jaffe left this for you.","Shane: (smiling) Cool.","John: 200 bucks. Nice work. Don't forget to sweep up.","[Shane huffs.]","INT. - MARINA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT","[Dinner's over. Francesca walks upstairs. Jenny and Marina are in the kitchen, cleaning up. Jenny stands by the dishwasher with some dishes.]","Marina: Don't do that. I want you to know how difficult it's been to get you out of my mind.","Jenny: Why are you saying that?","Marina: Because you're acting like you're the only one with feelings.","Jenny: Well, that's because you act so cold, it's really hard to know that you have any.","Marina: If you're so angry, why did you accept this invitation?","Jenny: Because I wanted to know why someone would work so hard to make someone fall in love with them and they really don't give a f*ck.","Marina: (hurt) Work so hard. Ah, great. That's a great assessment on who I am.","[Marina tries to storm off, but Jenny forcibly grabs her arm and brings her back around.]","Jenny: Well, you tell me who you are!","Marina: You keep asking me that! Obviously you're not paying attention! (a beat) You know what's so sad? (a beat) It's that you don't know how much you mean to me that's -","[Jenny grabs Marina and kisses her. Marina starts to reciprocate when Francesca comes back.]","Francesca: I thought it was a little quiet down here.","[Jenny breaks the kiss and backs away, embarrassed.]","Jenny: Sorry.","Marina: It's okay.","[Francesca, upset, approaches them.]","Francesca: Is it?","[Marina stares at Francesca. Francesca sighs at Jenny.]","Francesca: The thing about Marina is that when she focuses on you, you feel like you're the only one that exists.","[Marina looks down.]","Francesca: It's her gift. I don't blame you for falling in love with her. (to Marina) But maybe you use your gift a little too freely.","[Francesca walks past Marina to a bottle of wine sitting on the kitchen counter.]","Francesca: What's this?","Marina: That's the wine Jenny brought.","[Francesca puts the bottle down and turns to the other counter and gets another bottle.]","Francesca: Guess I'll open this then. (opening bottle) So, Jenny. Tell me about the story you've been writing. The one about the demons. Marina says it's really quite good.","[Marina glares at Francesca; Jenny glares at Marina.]","Francesca: Is it finished?","Jenny: So, this is what the two of you do.","[Francesca uncorks the bottle.]","Jenny: You go and you make these little conquests. And then you go home, and you compare notes.","[Francesca pours herself a glass.]","Jenny: You try to make each other jealous in order to find the other desirable.","Francesca: I wouldn't be so self-righteous. You're not exactly an innocent bystander.","[Marina stares at the floor. Jenny slowly picks up her bottle of wine and leaves. Francesca passes Marina on the way to see Jenny out.]","Francesca: Classy.","[Marina rolls her eyes and sighs.]","INT. - MARINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT","[Jenny stands in the livingroom. Francesca brings her her jacket and purse.]","Francesca: I'm sorry the evening turned out like this. But there's something you have to understand. When I go away, Marina can do whatever she wants. As can I. But when I come back, I want my home the way I've left it. I hope that isn't too much to ask.","[Francesca hands Jenny her purse and jacket.]","Jenny: Thank you.","[Jenny leaves. Francesca turns back to look at Marina. Marina is still brooding in the kitchen.]","EXT. - MARINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT","[Jenny turns around the throws the wine bottle at a window. The bottle shatters against it. Jenny walks away. Marina runs to the window and looks out.]","INT. - TIM'S HOUSE - NIGHT","[Tim sits in this livingroom, watching an old Kung Fu movie on TV. Jenny comes in the back door and heads toward the bathroom with stuff to shower.]","Jenny: Hi.","Tim: Hi.","[Jenny walks to the bathroom.]","Tim: Jen.","Jenny: (stops) Mm-hmm?","Tim: Feel like watching a really bad Kung Fu movie?","[After a moment, Jenny nods.]","Jenny: Yeah.","[Jenny walks around to the couch.]","Tim: It's pretty stupid. Kinda what I'm in the mood for, though.","Jenny: No, stupid is good.","[Jenny sits down, leaving space between herself and Tim.]","[They watch the movie. They look at each other, then look away. Tim tosses the pillow he was holding and raises his arm for Jenny to curl up next to him.]","Tim: C'mere. C'mon.","[Jenny scoots over next to him. He continues to watch the movie. She looks at him, tears in her eys.]","Jenny: (whispering) I love you so much.","[He looks at her. She's about to cry. She lays her head on his chest. Tim puts his face on her hand; she looks up, and they kiss. The kissing gets desperate. Tim picks Jenny up and heads to the bedroom.]","INT. - TIM'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT","[Tim and Jenny have s*x on the dresser, then the bed. They suddenly stop kissing and stare at each other for several seconds, then resume.]","INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY","[Bette and Tina are lying in bed next to each other, staring at the ceiling. They both look a little distant.]","Tina: Are you mad that I made a decision?","[Bette looks at Tina.]","Bette: No. I... I ju - (sighs) I just feel a little left out.","[Bette looks away. Tina looks at Bette and sighs, then looks back up at the ceiling.]","Tina: I, uh... get this feeling from you that you're so proud to be with me.","[Bette rolls over toward Tina and smiles. She puts her hand on Tina's belly. Tina continues to stare up at the ceiling.]","Tina: And it makes me feel really safe... and... loved. It's great.","[Bette smiles warmly at her. Tina doesn't seem happy, though.]","Tina: But lately, I... haven't been feeling it.","[Bette pulls her hand away and rolls onto her back again.]","Tina: So, I've just been, uh... trying to concentrate on myself, and, uh... been trying not to get scared about it.","[After a moment, Bette looks at Tina, nonplussed.]","INT. - TIM'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY","[Tim and Jenny lay in bed. Jenny is just waking up, but Tim looks to have been awake, thinking.]","Jenny: Hi. Morning.","Tim: Morning.","Jenny: I love being here with you.","[Tim smiles a little. Jenny rubs his hand.]","Jenny: Can I tell you something?","[Tim looks at her.]","Jenny: It's over. Between Marina and me. I went over to her and her girlfriend's house last night. I have never met anybody like that in my life before. It's all about their own egos, and they don't care who they hurt, and they just draw you into this web for some kind of... a sport.","[Tim stares into the distance, looking a little lost and hurt.]","Jenny: I'm not gonna see her ever again. I threw a bottle of wine at their house.","[Tim takes a deep breath, nods to himself, and gets up out of bed.]","Jenny: What are you doing?","Tim: I took a... giant f*cking step backwards.","[Jenny sits up.]","Tim: I don't wanna be back together with you, Jenny. I mean, I - I don't know who you are. I mean, you just... you start talking about Marina and her girlfriend and... how phony and manipulative they are and all I can't think is that's you! That's who you've become. It's like... you've done this thing, and... you can't wash it off.","[Jenny looks stumped.]","Tim: It's in you. (two beats) I... I don't want it in me.","[Jenny's eyes widen a little, hurt. Tim slowly walks off.]","Jenny: (whispering) f*ck you, Tim. I am not apologizing anymore.","EXT. - PARAMOUNT PICTURES LOT - DAY","[The entrance to the Paramount lot. A guy in a golf cart drives by.]","EXT. - PARAMOUNT PICTURES LOT - SECURITY GATE - DAY","[The security guards are checking people through the gates. Bette and Tina, with Shane, Alice and Dana in the backseat, pull up. Alice's cell phone starts ringing.]","Shane: Are you gonna answer that?","Alice: No.","Dana: It's Lisa.","Tina: Here. Lemme see it.","Bette: Guys, I need I.D.s.","Dana: Right.","[Everyone starts getting their I.D. out. Tina answers the phone.]","Tina: (phone) Hello? No, she stepped away from the phone for just a minute.","[Bette pulls up to the security booth and stops.]","Tina: (phone) Heh. Okay, wow. Allright, uh, hold on a second. (hands phone to Alice) Okay, here. He says he can hear you breathing.","[A security officer approaches the car.]","Guard: I.D.s?","Alice: (phone) Yes.","Bette: (hands I.D.s) Here you go.","Tina: We're here to see Kit Porter.","[Slim Daddy's limo pulls up behind Bette's car. Muffled rap music can be heard.]","Guard: Okay.","Alice: (phone) I don't know. Let me ask the car. (to everyone) Do you guys feel, subconsciously, maybe we possibly forgot to invite Lisa 'cause he's a little bit different?","Dana: Yes.","Bette\/Tina: Dana!","Shane: Give me the phone. (phone) Hey, Leese? Hi, Look. It - it completely slipped our minds. Look, you have to stop being such a lesbian. (listening) No it's not cute. And you are gonna chase the girls away, I promise.","Guard: (to Bette) Sorry. I'm not showing anything here.","Bette: She should have left our names at the gate.","[One of Slim Daddy's entourage, the Smoothie Guy from earlier, gets out of the limo and comes up to the guard shack.]","Smoothie Guy: Yo, is there a problem?","Guard: Sorry, I, uh, don't mean to hold Mr. Daddy, but, uh, I can't let these women on the lot.","Smoothie Guy: Sure you can. They with us. These are Slim Daddy's people.","Guard: All of them.","Smoothie Guy: Well, yeah. (points to Bette) This ones his, uh, business manager.","[Bette smiles and waves.]","Smoothie Guy: (points to Tina) That one over there, that's - that's his accountant.","[Tina smiles and waves.]","Smoothie Guy: (points to Alice) Little Blondie in the back, that's his P.R. lady.","Alice: (mouthing) P.R.","Guard: Hmp.","Smoothie Guy: (points to Dana) And, uh... this one here... this one... she's his white lady.","[Dana frowns.]","Smoothie Guy: (points to Shane) And, uh... this one over here... well... she's just a friend of them. Came along for the ride. (to Guard) So, what you say partner, you cool with that?","Guard: (sighs) Yeah, I'll set them up with some passes.","Smoothie Guy: Allright, then, thanks. (shakes Guard's hand) Appreciate it. Appreciate it.","Alice: Thanks.","Bette: Thank you.","Smoothie Guy: (to Bette) Yo, um. Slim Daddy would like you to discuss some of his business plans with you, if you got a minute.","[Bette looks at Tina. Both raise their brows a little.]","Bette: (to Smoothie Guy) Uh - well, well surely he would want his accountant to be there too?","Smoothie Guy: I don't know about all of that.","Bette: Well, as his business manager I would have to insist.","Smoothie Guy: Allright.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. - SLIM DADDY'S LIMO - DAY","[Slim Daddy is sitting in his limo, listening to hip hop. The door opens, and Smoothie Guy pokes his head in.]","Smoothie Guy: Yo, Slim! I got a little something hooked up for ya.","[Bette and Tina get in. Tina sits next to Slim Daddy. Bette sits across from them.]","Bette: Hey.","Slim: Hey love.","Tina: Hey.","Slim: 'Sup.","[Tina sits next to Slim Daddy. She smiles, really excited. Slim waves for Smoothie Guy to get lost.]","Slim: (to Bette) So who is this?","Bette: This is my partner, Tina.","Tina: Hello.","Slim: What's up, Tina? How you doing?","Tina: I'm good.","Slim: So what ya'll got, a little business relationship or something?","Tina: (smiling) Uh... we're life partners.","Slim: What, ya'll married?","[Bette and Tina smile at each other, blushing a little. Bette grins at Tina and winks. Tina grins and winks back.]","Slim: I see. So you got yourself a little commitment, huh? And what about your sister, you think she'd be interested? Or is she with a chick, too?","Bette: Uh, no, Kit is not gay.","Slim: But I thought you said she was.","Bette: No, I said I was.","[Slim Daddy rolls his eyes and shakes his head.]","Slim: She gonna kill me when she finds out the direction I took with this video.","INT. - PARAMOUNT PICTURES LOT - STUDIO - DAY","[Kit and several scantily-clad female dancers in black leather and lace gyrate in front of a green screen as hip hop music plays across a sound system. Kit lip syncs the words and cameras film her from every angle.]","[Bette, Tina, Alice, Dana and Shane watch from the sidelines. Shane sits in a chair. Everyone seems to be enjoying it, except for Bette, who sees her sister looking a little uncomfortable in the getup, with the dancers all over her.]","Bette: sh1t, I feel like I did this.","Tina: No, look, she's having fun.","Bette: She's being mounted.","[Kit continues to dance and lip sync. The dancers start grabbing at her legs, which throws her off balance.]","Director: Let's cut, cut it.","[The music grinds to a halt. The dancers stand up.]","Director: Everybody back to first positions please.","Man: (offscreen) Playback.","Director: Action.","[The music begins again. Kit and the dancers start to groove to the music.]","Alice: I want to do that dance. Wait.","[Alice starts to dance. She moves her hip around in circles, and extends her arm and moves her hand in circles, too. She isn't quite getting it, though.]","Shane: You do not wanna do that dance.","Alice: (dancing) Oh, look. This is hard, Shane. Do you see this?","Dana: That's because it requires a sense of rhythm, Alice, that you don't seem to posses.","Shane: At all.","[Slim Daddy steps in front of them, obscuring their view of Kit and her dancers.]","Slim: (to Alice\/Dana) You two married, too?","Alice: Us? (laughs) No.","[Alice puts an arm around Dana's shoulder. Dana chuckles.]","Alice: We're just free-wheelin'.","[Slim Daddy moves over to Shane.]","Slim: (to Alice\/Dana, re: Shane) Who's this?","Shane: I'm Shane.","[They stare each other down for a few seconds.]","Shane: (getting up) Uh - I'm sorry. Have a seat.","[Slim Daddy stares at Shane as he sits down.]","Dana: (to Alice, re: Slim and Shane) It's like some weird carnival mirror or something.","Alice: I know.","Director: Lets cut! Cut it.","[The music stops.]","Kit: I can't do this. (walking off stage) I can't - I can't do this.","[Slim Daddy gets up to go talk to her.]","Kit: (to Slim) You know, I love the song and I really want to be in video, but... I just can't be in it like this, you know? Hey, when I stopped drinking, I promised myself I would never make a fool of myself again.","Slim: Look, it's my bad. I put the ladies in the video 'cause I thought this was what you wanted. I thought this was your thing.","Kit: You did that for me? That was sweet. Look, It's not about the girls. It really isn't. It's just that... hey, I ain't 20, and I ain't nobody's hoochie, and I just said to myself, \"Why am I putting myself through all this?\" You know? If they don't like me and my song, thi - this (holding arms out) is not going to convince them.","[The director approaches Slim Daddy.]","Director: Uh, sorry to interrupt, excuse me, but um... I have to keep shooting. Are you in or not?","Slim: Excuse me, kid. If it wasn't for Kit Porter, wouldn't be none of us here. Wouldn't be no song. Wouldn't be no video for you to shoot. So what you meant to say was, you fixin' to sit yo ass over there and figure out how to get this right, right?","[Slim Daddy steps up. The director backs down. Bette comes over. She and Kit smile at each other. They put their arms around each other and walk off.]","INT. - LATHER - DAY","[Shane enters the shop.]","Receptionist: Oh, there's someone here to see you.","[Cherie's assistant is sitting on a chair in the front. She stands.]","Assistant: Hi.","Shane: Hello.","Assistant: Um, Cherie's hosting a benefit this evening for the Woman's Cancer Project and she'd like you to do her hair.","Shane: What, tonight?","Assistant: Yeah, Tonight at 5:00. Can I let her know that you'll be there?","Shane: (a beat) Y - Yeah.","Assistant: Excellent choice. Here's the directions. (hands Shane directions) Thanks.","[Shane takes the sheet of directions. The assistant grabs her planner.]","Assistant: Please be on time, Mrs. Jaffe gets grumpy when she's made to wait.","[The assistant leaves. Shane, impressed, shows the papers to the receptionist, who giggles.]","EXT. - THE C.A.C. - DAY","[Bette walks to the building. Several employees are outside, scratching off various stickers that the religious petition\/protest group stuck to the facade of the virtually all-windowed building. Some of the stickers read such things as \"ART = FILTH\", \"WALK THROUGH THESE DOORS TO POLLUTE YOUR MIND. PORNOGRAPHY PEDDLERS\", and \"The CAC: A receptable for trash.\" Bette takes off her sunglasses and looks at the stickers, then goes in.]","INT. - THE C.A.C. - BETTE'S OFFICE - DAY","[Bette enters the reception area of her office. James is there.]","James: Bette.","[James walks after her with a cup of coffee.]","James: Coffee.","[Bette takes the coffee.]","James: So, as far as I've figured out, the people responsible are (looks at a piece of paper) the Coalition for Concerned Citizens. They've kinda all but stood up and said they did it.","[Bette walks into her office and sets her stuff down on her desk.]","James: Um... they've been tracking the show since New York... but they're all ready to get serious here in L.A. because, as they see it, uh...","[James picks up one of the Coalition for Concerned Citizens brochures and quickly reads it.]","James: ... (points to brochure) (reading) \"L.A. is the capital of filth and degradation.\"","Bette: (looking) They sent these?","James: Uh, yeah.","Bette: When did they arrive?","James: Uh, a couple of days ago, I thought it was junk mail.","[Bette looks away and puts her face in her hands.]","Bette: Okay. I just - I - I want you to get me as much information as you can. Just find out who runs the thing and who funds them. I need to find out what we're up against.","James: Right.","Bette: Okay?","James: Runs and funds. Yeah.","[James leaves.]","EXT. - CHERIE JAFFE'S HOUSE - DAY","[A huge, beautiful old-style mansion with lots of trees. The doorbell rings.]","INT. - CHERIE JAFFE'S HOUSE - DAY","[The housekeeper opens the door. Shane stands on the other side, a small bag with her hair supplies in her hand.]","Housekeeper: Hello, Miss.","Shane: Hi, uh... (stepping inside) I, um... I parked there.","[Shane points to her run-down, old Toyota pickup truck sitting in the circular driveway a few feet away.]","Shane: Is that okay?","Housekeeper: Yes.","Shane: Okay.","[The housekeeper closes the door.]","Housekeeper: The Mrs., (pointing) she wait for you upstairs.","[Shane looks towards the upstairs, a little wowed by the beautiful house. Cherie Jaffe is upstairs. She comes up in a robe, carrying a glass of wine, and stands at the top of the stairs and smiles at Shane.]","Shane: Okay.","[Shane clomps up the stairs, her boots heavy on the polished wooden floors.]","Cherie: Hello.","Shane: Hi.","[Cherie heads back into the hallway. Shane follows.]","INT. - CHERIE JAFFE'S HOUSE - DRESSING ROOM - DAY","[Cherie opens the door to a large dressing room outside her bathroom. Shane follows, closing the door behind her. Cherie sits at a large mirror. Shane sets her bag down and stands behind Cherie.]","Shane: Okay. So should I, um... should I do what I did last time?","[Cherie looks at Shane in the mirror.]","Cherie: I was hoping for a little more.","Shane: Oh, well... what kinda more?","Cherie: Lots more.","[Cherie turns around and starts to unbutton Shane's shirt at the waist.]","Shane: Oh.","[Cherie kisses Shane's stomach.]","Shane: Oh, I see.","[Shane takes Cherie's face in her hands and kisses her. They kiss passionately. Cherie stands up and takes off her robe; she's wearing black lacey things underneath. They continue to kiss.]","INT. - THE PLANET - DAY","[Alice and Lisa sit at a table together. Lisa pushes a tall glass of a pale green concoction towards Alice.]","Lisa: It's good for you. You're constantly complaining about feeling sluggish.","Alice: Not constantly.","Lisa: Pretty close. And lately I feel like you bring that fatigue into the bedroom. I mean, I make love to you and then when it's my turn, you're too tired, and I dont want to make you, but... I end up not having an orgasm and it's frustrating.","Alice: So you're pumping me full of spirulina so you can come?","Lisa: No, God. I'm just saying that you don't eat that well. And if you would just cut out the red meat it might help.","[Dana enters and heads to a table nearby, where Andrew, the guy her mother wanted her to date, is sitting.]","[Alice and Lisa watch. Alice gets up.]","Alice: Allright. I'll be back in a minute.","AT ANDREW'S TABLE -","[Dana shakes hands with Andrew.]","Dana: Hi. I'm Dana. Fairbanks.","Andrew: Andrew. Sit Down.","Dana: Andrew. Thanks.","AT ALICE'S TABLE -","[Alice walks over to the table behind Dana and Andrew's table. She sits, halfway facing them, so she can hear.]","Andrew: (offscreen) So.","Dana: (offscreen) So! (giggles)","AT ANDREW'S TABLE -","Andrew: I, uh... talked to your mom on the phone.","Dana: (chuckling) Oh, yeah. Yeah.","Andrew: She, uh... she said you're a tennis player.","Dana: (smiling) Oh, yeah! Yeah. It's fun! You know. It's, uh, it's fun. It's h - it's hard work, though.","Andrew: Well, It shows. You have a really beautiful body.","Dana: (uncomfortable smile) Yeah. Okay.","Andrew: You know, I don't understand why you need to be set up. When your mother showed me your picture I was, like -","Dana: Was it a Subaru ad by any chance?","Andrew: Oh, you did a Subaru ad?","Dana: Yeah. The slogan was \"Get out and stay out.\"","Andrew: Oh, is that like an outdoorsy kind of...","Dana: Gay thing? Yeah. Look, um...","[Dana takes a deep breath.]","Dana: That's me okay? I'm... I'm a lesbian.","[Dana looks a little green around the gills. Andrew smiles.]","Dana: Don't look at me like that, okay, I don't want to have s*x with you and another woman, okay. I'd just - I would want to have s*x with the woman, allright. I'm that gay.","[Andrew nods.]","Dana: I'm sorry you had to... come all the way out here and... do this.","Andrew: It's okay.","Dana: (relieved) Great! (relieved sigh) That's great! Well, gosh, allright then! (getting up) Well, it was great meeting you!","[They shake hands.]","Andrew: It was good to meet you.","Dana: Take Care!","[Dana walks over to Alice. Alice stands up. They slap hands.]","Alice: Way to go.","Dana: Score.","[Dana heads for Lisa's table. Alice walks over to Andrew.]","Alice: (to Andrew) Hi. (chuckles) Alice. (holds hand out) Nice to meet you.","Andrew: (shaking hand) Andrew.","Alice: You handled that really well.","AT LISA'S TABLE -","[Dana sits down.]","Dana: Hey!","Lisa: How did it go?","Dana: I feel great!","AT ANDREW'S TABLE -","[Alice sits down.]","Andrew: Well, It all happened so fast I, uh, couldn't think of anything else.","Alice: So, Andrew. You're straight? Or...","Andrew: (a beat) Uh, yes?","Alice: Completely? No... shades of grey or anything?","Andrew: Uh, none.","Alice: Wow. Fascinating. (chuckles) So, you have no... sexual ambiguity, no... variation on your orientation or...","AT LISA'S TABLE -","[Dana and Lisa watch Alice flirting with Andrew.]","Lisa: Is she... flirting with him?","AT ANDREW'S TABLE -","Alice: You're not hiding a v*g1n* in there?","[Alice and Andrew chuckle.]","Alice: (chuckling) One testicle?","AT LISA'S TABLE","Dana: Yeah.","[Lisa watches Alice and Andrew.]","Dana: I just told my first straight guy that I was gay and not even to bother trying!","Lisa: Good for you. Congratulations.","[Lisa turns back to watch Alice and Andrew.]","INT. - CHERIE JAFFE'S HOUSE - DRESSING ROOM - DAY","[Shane and Cherie are on the floor, half-naked, sweaty, having s*x.]","Cherie: Mm! (kisses) You're f*cking (kisses) amazing. Mm! (kisses) I can't wait to tell Harry! (kisses) He's gonna be so jealous. Mm. (kisses)","[They continue to kiss. The sound of the front door opening and closing is heard.]","Steve: (muffled, offscreen) Cherie?","[Cherie breaks the kiss and freaks out.]","Cherie: Oh, my God! It's Steve!","Steve: (muffled, offscreen) Cherie!","Shane: Oh f*ck.","[Shane quickly starts grabbing various clothing items scattered all around. Cherie grabs a piece of clothing and shoves it at Shane.]","Cherie: Jesus, f*ck. Here take it! sh1t!","Shane: f*ck. You have everything?","[Cherie pulls up her underwear. Shane gathers up her boots and shirt.]","Cherie: Yeah.","Shane: You're good?","Cherie: I got it.","[Shane gets up and stumbles into the bathroom so fast she falls over. Cherie throws a stray boot in the bathroom just as Shane shuts the door. Cherie stands up just as Steve enters the room. She jumps, trying to put her robe on.]","Steve: Hello?","Cherie: Honey! You're always interrupting me when I'm not ready yet.","Steve: (walking in) Well, I thought you'd be dressed by now.","Cherie: I'm just getting my hair done.","Steve: Oh.","[Steve walks closer to her as she puts her robe on. He looks at her hair. It's still tousled from being on the floor with Shane.]","Steve: Looks good.","Cherie: It's the... (musses with hair) (smiling) just-fucked look.","Steve: Yeah? Well, it works for me.","[Cherie smiles and kisses Steve. Shane opens the bathroom door and comes out, dressed again.]","Shane: Hi.","Steve: Ah. You must be Shane.","[Steve approaches and extends a hand for a handshake. Shane quickly holds up her hands.]","Shane: My hands are wet.","Steve: (chuckling) That's okay.","[Shane grabs her bag.]"],"Show Title":"The L Word","Episode Number":"01x09","Episode Title":"Luck, Next Time","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_L_Word_02x09.json","Recap":["Dana is stunned when Alice requests a bold sexual favor from her. Charlotte Birch sets up Jenny with another meeting with Burr Connor to ghost write his autobiography where he privately reveals to Jenny that he too happens to be gay. Jenny also finds out about Mark's voyeurism when she accidentally sees on a videotape Carmen revealing her real feelings for Shane. Mark's producer, dissatisfied that there still isn't enough sex or nudity in his lesbian reality video, terminates Mark's employment. Kit plans a romantic night for Benjamin, but it doesn't end well when Benjamin cancels and Kit ends up at an AA meeting where Ivan is in attendance. Bette and Tina, slowly bonding over their unborn baby, have sex, but Tina goes back to renew her relationship with Helena."],"Transcript":["INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - DAY","[Carmen and Jenny are in the shower together.]","[Title card: Los Angeles, California - This Morning]","[Jenny gets out and goes to the toilet. Carmen follows.]","Carmen: Well, I have to pee, too.","Jenny: Okay, I'm going to be done in a sec.","[Carmen stands in front of Jenny, and then sits on Jenny's lap, facing her.]","Jenny: What are you doing?","Carmen: I want you to spread your legs.","[They pee.]","Jenny: Oh, f*ck.","INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY","[Mark paces outside the bathroom. Shane walks by.]","Mark: These girls are taking f*cking forever.","Shane: You okay?","Mark: I am dying.","[Shane knocks on the bathroom door.]","Shane: Hey guys, come on, let Mark in. He has to go.","INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - CNTD.","Carmen: Do you feel that?","INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - CNTD.","[Shane whaps on the door.]","Shane: C'mon, guys, his back teeth are floating. Be nice.","[Shane has her ear to the door a few seconds, hears nothing, and then opens it.]","INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - CNTD.","[Shane bursts in and sees Carmen and Jenny. They stop. Shane is frozen in her tracks. Jenny looks immediately guilty.]","Jenny: Oh!","[Shane walks out and closes the door.]","INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - CNTD.","[Mark is hopping from foot to foot.]","Shane: Use the bushes.","[Mark runs outside.]","[Opening credits]","MARK'S LESBIAN DOCUMENTARY -","[We see Mark's video of himself, interspersed with video he's taken over time of Jenny, Shane, Carmen, and others.]","Mark: Hi. I'm Mark Wayland, and I live in a house with two lesbians.","[Title card: Wayland Pictures]","[Jenny and Shane sit on a chair, playfully touching and giggling.]","Jenny: My name is Jenny Schecter.","[Title card: presents]","[Shane from when Mark went to interview for the room in the house.]","Shane: I'm Shane.","[A video of the video Mark made of himself in the house.]","Mark: And this... is gonna be a document of my journey.","[Shane, Jenny and Carmen put their arms around each other, smiling and smoking a joint.]","[Title card: A Compendium of Lesbianism, Volume I]","[Mark sits in his garage, talking to the camera.]","Mark: Initial observations and theories.","[Jenny sits on the couch.]","Jenny: And what makes you think that lesbians don't f*ck?","Shane: Where do you live, Mark? It's entirely possible.","[Dana and Alice sit at the kitchen table.]","Dana: I'm Dana.","[The video cuts.]","Dana: Fairbanks.","[Cut.]","Dana: I thought it would totally ruin my career, but it didn't.","[Cut.]","Dana: People thanked me.","[Back to Mark in the garage.]","Mark: These girls talk about everything.","[Carmen sitting at the kitchen table.]","Carmen: My name is Carmen de la Pica Morales.","[Cut.]","Carmen: I was 16 back then, and I fell madly in love with Lucia Torres.","[Cut.]","Carmen: She was Pablo Fuentes' girlfriend.","[Cut.]","Carmen: You just - you didn't f*ck with Pablo's girl. (smiles) But I did.","[Back to Dana and Alice.]","Dana: This is Alice P - uh - Pie -","Alice: Pieszecki.","[Cut.]","Alice: I don't miss it. No. There's ways and things. (chuckles)","[Dana smiles and drops her head in embarrassment.]","[Back to Mark in the garage.]","Mark: Now, I don't know if that's strictly a lesbian thing, or - or what, but man, these girls are all up in one another's business.","[Jenny from when she was talking to Bette about Tina.]","Jenny: This is so much more complicated than that.","[Jenny sits on Shane's lap. They laugh at each other.]","[The video suddenly freezes.]","INT. - SLEAZY PRODUCER'S OFFICE - DAY","Producer: Yeah. Yeah. Where's the f*cking pussy?","[Mark sits next to the TV with the image of Jenny and Shane frozen on it. He gets up.]","Mark: Look, the hidden cameras are still in place so I can get more footage, but... I mean, already what I've shown you here is a big step up from Bare Knuckle Backyard Brawls and Wild Women of Encino.","[Neither the producer nor Gomey look impressed.]","Mark: This could be really huge for us. Like - what's great about this project is it's not just about s*x. These women, they have a way of life, and a culture of their own, and it's revelatory, it's anthropological. If we just - if we do this right, this could so easily be at Sundance.","Producer: I'm praying to God you're f*cking kidding.","Mark: Gomey, man, get my back. You know what this means to me.","Gomey: I do. Eat a dick.","Mark: Look, just from a marketing perspective -","Producer: Listen to me, Wayland. I'm the marketer. I know our audience. Men. Red-blooded, testosterone-crazed, American men, do not give a f*ck about some kind of anthropological bullshit! We want hot, lesbian s*x, and we want it NOW!!","[Mark scoffs, and retrieves his video.]","Producer: You're in direct violation of your contract. Okay? And I expect you to return every penny of the money I advanced to you. You hear what I'm saying?","[Mark gets his things and leaves.]","INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - ALICE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT","[Dana lies on the bed. Alice sits at her feet, removing Dana's boots and socks.]","Alice: So, have you thought about it?","Dana: Thought about what?","[They giggle.]","Alice: About what we talked about. The toys.","Dana: Oh, you mean the s*x toys.","Alice: Mm-hmm.","Dana: Can I ask you something?","Alice: Yeah. Ask away.","[Alice puts Dana's legs around her waist and pulls her to her.]","Dana: Is it a bisexual thing? You trying to have your cake and eat your pussy too?","Alice: No. It's not a bisexual thing.","Dana: Okay, good. Because, wait. I don't wanna do that with you. I mean, if you're trying to make me into a man because you think that there's something missing, then I want you to go ahead -","[Alice climbs on top of Dana.]","Alice: Dana, many bonafide lesbians find strapping it on the ultimate way of f*cking. And I think it'd be really hot for you to f*ck me like that. Okay?","INT. - HELENA'S HOUSE - MORNING","[Tina wakes to the sound of Helena griping at Winnie on the phone as she pulls a suit from the closet.]","Helena: (phone) How does it compare, hm? Private education, travel, fascinating life experiences - I just don't see how you envision any judge or jury finding you the superior choice!","[Tina knits her brow.]","Helena: (phone) As you wish.","[Helena ends the call. Tina goes back to sleep. Helena quietly walks in.]","Helena: Hey.","[Tina opens her eyes and smiles. Helena sits on the edge of the bed.]","Helena: How are we this morning? Hm?","[Helena seems genuinely happy. She draws the covers back and kisses Tina's belly.]","Tina: I'm good. I'm excited about the ultrasound this afternoon.","Helena: (excited) Oh, that's right. Well, just tell me a time and I'll swing by the office and pick you up.","Tina: I'm going with Bette, remember?","[Helena tries to mask her disappointment.]","Helena: Oh, that's right. Okay, so... why don't you just come by here afterwards? Yeah?","[Helena gets up and heads back toward the closet.]","Tina: Well, Dr. Wilson's office is so close to my apartment, why don't you just come to me?","[Helena hesitates a moment, then continues on, sighing.]","Tina: Helena...","[Helena stops and turns.]","Helena: It's fine, you know - I'll, um... I'll call you when I'm on my way over. We'll go out for dinner. Okay?","[Helena walks off. Tina rubs her forehead.]","INT. - THEATER - MORNING","[A woman is showing Shane to the empty auditorium.]","Woman: Annie wants to shoot her old-Hollywood style, after Louis B. Mayer, something like that. Then you're gonna get her ready for her lunch meeting at The Grill with the writer of her next feature.","Shane: Do you mind telling me who this is?","Woman: The writer?","Shane: No - no. The person who hired me. I don't know who it is.","Woman: The story's about the most powerful woman in Hollywood.","[They enter the auditorium. Shane stops when she recognizes a familiar voice shouting at people.]","INT. - THEATER - AUDITORIUM - MORNING","Veronica: You are f*cking brilliant. I f*cking love that idea! I f*cking love you, and I'm gonna French kiss you! And if you weren't such a faggot, I'd f*ck you!","[Veronica is on the stage in stage makeup and a costume that consists of a fedora and a pinstripe suit. People mill around her. Shane hesitates.]","INT. - THE PLANET - MORNING","[Bette and Kit sit at a table having coffee.]","Bette: When is Benjamin coming in?","Kit: Tomorrow at 6:00. He's gonna check into the hotel and head over here.","Bette: So he's not staying with you?","[Kit looks sad.]","Kit: Um.","Bette: Because his wife...","Kit: Well, it's not like she's gonna find out. But he's just... what?","Bette: (shakes head) I just... I just don't want you to get hurt.","Kit: I'm not gonna get hurt. I knew, going in, what the deal was. And I'm fine with that.","[Bette looks unsure of what to say.]","Kit: Ohh. You think I'm a fuck-up, don't you?","Bette: No.","Kit: Yes you do!","Bette: I do not.","Kit: Yes you do.","Bette: I do not think you're a fuck-up.","Kit: Yes you do.","Bette: I don't. I think you're amazing. You know, I see how you've turned your life around and I'm - really - I'm in awe of how together you are these days. I just know the situation. And - and no matter what, I mean, there's always someone who gets hurt. And I just don't want it to be you.","Kit: He's not on tour now. He's just coming to see me.","[Bette smiles and rubs Kit's arm.]","Bette: Well, he's obviously crazy about you.","Kit: (chuckles) I'm preparing this very special dinner for him. Lara has ordered lobsters from Maine.","[They smile.]","Kit: Benjamin loves him some lobster.","[Bette stands.]","Bette: Well, you just - you look out after yourself, okay?","[Bette kisses Kit on the forehead.]","Bette: I love you.","Kit: Oh! Would you bring me back one of those x-ray pictures of the baby? Please, please...","Bette: (chuckling) Okay. I love you. Thanks for breakfast.","[Bette leaves.]","INT. - THEATER - AUDITORIUM - DAY","Veronica: Cover of the New York Times Magazine! (laughs) Pretty good, huh, Shane?","Shane: Yeah, it's pretty great. I don't know why you requested me, though.","Veronica: You do hair, don't you?","[Shane walks up onto the stage. She doesn't look amused.]","Veronica: Apparently, that's your life's ambition.","Shane: Don't f*ck with me, Veronica.","Veronica: How am I f*cking with you when I offer you the world on a silver platter? What's so wrong with seeing the potential in somebody and giving them a chance to make something of themselves? Did I underestimate you, Shane? Or did I just mistake you for a person of substance?","Shane: No. I think you mistook me for one of your one of your little tricks who'd let you slap her around and be grateful for the privilege of taking your sh1t.","Veronica: Are we getting to some core issues, Shane? Poor Shane.","Shane: f*ck you.","[Shane starts to walk off.]","Veronica: What about the possibility that I'm right about you?","[Shane stops.]","Veronica: That you really are better than this life you're living.","[Shane walks quickly over to Veronica and gets right in her face.]","Shane: Veronica? Listen to what I'm saying to you. I have no magic. And there is no mojo. So whatever it is that you're looking for, it doesn't exist! Okay?","[Veronica takes off her hat and tosses it aside.]","Veronica: Then why don't you do my f*cking hair.","Shane: No thank you.","[Shane walks off. Veronica looks miffed.]","INT. - RESTAURANT - DAY","[Jenny walks up to Charlotte's table.]","Jenny: Hello.","Charlotte: Burr will be here in a minute. Have a seat.","[Jenny takes off her coat and sits.]","Jenny: I thought that he fired me.","Charlotte: I wouldn't let him. You're too good for one another.","[Charlotte gives her glass to the waiter.]","Charlotte: Another drink. More twist, less ice.","Jenny: (to waiter) Can I have a Chardonnay, please?","Charlotte: (to Jenny) You are a compulsive excavator of your own emotional navel lint.","[Jenny looks grossed out.]","Charlotte: A nit-picking, obsessive truth-teller. And Burr could stand a bit of literary pediculosis.","Jenny: Ew!","Charlotte: Hmm. Does that hit a little too close to home? Are we self-loathing body mutilators as well?","Jenny: (jokingly) Of course.","Charlotte: Can't wait to read about that in one of your stories. Hope you're not a cutter.","[Jenny chuckles.]","Charlotte: Listen, Jenny. You actually have a gift to portray the details of a life lived. I think non-fiction may end up being your M\u00e9tier. It's why I want you to work with Burr.","Jenny: (whispering) I don't want to.","Charlotte: You need to get him to tell you stories.","Jenny: (whispering) I don't like him. He's a homophobe.","[Charlotte shakes her head. Burr approaches the table.]","Burr: Hi.","Charlotte: Hi. Hi, darling.","[They kiss on the cheek.]","Charlotte: How are you?","Burr: Good.","Jenny: Hello.","Charlotte: You remember Jenny Schecter.","[Burr sits next to Jenny.]","Burr: I do. Apparently we're destined for one another.","[A waitress brings Burr a glass of tea.]","Burr: Thank you, Suzie.","INT. - s*x TOY SHOP - DAY","[Alice and Dana walk over to the dildos and strap-ons section. Dana is wearing sunglasses.]","Alice: Alright, what do you think?","[On the wall are every size, shape, and color of phalli*** imaginable. A woman sales clerk walks over.]","Clerk: Well, here's a good way to think about it. An inch in diameter is two fingers inside of you -","[They turn to see her. Dana removes her sunglasses.]","Clerk: - an inch and a half is three fingers inside of you, the silicone ones are easiest to sterilize and so you can share.","Dana: Share. How do you sterilize them?","Clerk: Oh, just pop it in the dishwasher. But don't forget to take it out before the maid comes.","Alice: Oh, look. This looks - this looks fun.","Dana: What?","[Alice picks up a big, double-ended, pink, ribbed vibrator.]","Clerk: Oh, now that's very popular. Everyone's a winner.","Alice: (to Dana) (chuckling) No? Yeah, I kinda want you to...","Dana: Yeah.","Alice: You know. Anyway.","[Dana is starting to blush and get nervous. Alice is starting to look a little overwhelmed at the selection.]","Dana: I don't know - I don't even know where to start. There's so many shapes... sizes...","Clerk: Well, are you into semi-realistic? Realistic?","[Alice and Dana look at each other.]","Clerk: These ones here, Champlette, Leo, and Randy are all the semis -","[The clerk motions to a variety of colorful, non-descript vibrators, some with little designs, then motions to a variety above that look more real, except that they're huge.]","Clerk: - and up here, King Kong and Tyrannosaurus Rex are very like the real thing -","[Alice looks a little overwhelmed. Dana looks a little ill.]","Clerk: - and they come in colors. There's black, purple, blue, teal, red, hot pink, chocolate and vanilla.","[Dana squirms.]","Alice: (to Alice) Hot pink?","Clerk: There's combination marble swirl, there's disco glitter -","[Dana giggles at Alice.]","Dana: (to Alice) Ooh.","Alice: (to Dana) Do you want that?","Clerk: - and King Kong and Tyrannosaurus Rex both come in camouflage.","Dana: In case you're screwing in a war zone.","Alice: Oh, look!","[Alice reaches for a realistic dildo stuck to the wall. There's hair on it.]","Alice: Hairy balls.","Dana: Oh, that's just wrong.","Clerk: If you'll look at the base, they come with a suction cup.","[The clerk picks up one and shows the cup.]","Clerk: And that makes them easy to attach to the hotel window.","[She smacks it up against the wall. Dana and Alice jump. It sticks.]","Dana: Oh, look.","[Dana grabs a little dildo and holds it in her hand so that it looks like a thumb.]","Dana: (like Fonzie) Heeeey.","[Alice and Dana giggle at each other.]","Clerk: No, that's a butt plug.","[Dana quickly puts it back on the shelf and frowns.]","Clerk: The boys really like those because they get right inside and tickle the prostate.","[Alice looks a little embarrassed, but listens. Dana looks increasingly uncomfortable.]","Clerk: Although, the girls do like them, too. If you use it with a harness, you can detach the dildo, leave the butt plug inside, while you do other things.","Dana: What, like, the dishes?","Clerk: By the way. We have a great new lube. It just came in today.","[The clerk goes to get it.]","Clerk: I highly recommend this.","[The clerk shows them the bottle.]","Alice: Oh, you know, I think I'm allergic to that kind, so... strawberries.","[Dana turns to Alice.]","Dana: What? What haven't you done?","Alice: I haven't done lots of things. I wanna do them with you.","[Alice pulls Dana close to her. They grin shyly at each other. Another female couple enters the store.]","Clerk: (to female couple) If you need any help, just give me a shout.","Woman: Alright, thanks.","[Dana looks around the store and spots the female couple. She freaks out.]","Dana: Oh, sh1t, it's Melanie Caplan.","[Dana zips up her sweater.]","Alice: So?","Dana: So?","Alice: Why don't we get a cock ring?","[Alice walks off. Dana pulls her collar up around her ears, up to her nose, hunches her shoulders, and puts her sunglasses on. She walks sideways, following Alice.]","EXT. - MEDICAL PLAZA - DAY","[A big building with a big parking lot. A few cars parked out front.]","INT. - DR. WILSON'S OFFICE - DAY","[Tina is having her ultrasound done. Bette sits by her bedside. Dr. Wilson covers Tina's belly with some lube, then puts the ultrasound wand on her belly.]","Bette: Is that our baby?","Dr. Wilson: That's your baby, and those are her fingers.","[Bette and Tina breathe a sigh of relief as they smile at the monitor.]","Dr. Wilson: Very well formed, yeah.","Tina: Isn't she amazing?","[On the monitor, we see a black and white image of a tiny silhouette.]","Oh, it's like she's waving at us. Look.","Dr. Wilson: She's showing you her profile.","[Tina smiles at Bette. When Bette looks at her, Tina looks back at the monitor. Bette takes Tina's hand and squeezes. Tina squeezes back.]","INT. - RESTAURANT - DAY","Burr: So I guess I'm being dragged, kicking and screaming, to a place of tolerance.","Jenny: I don't really like the idea of being tolerated.","Charlotte: What's wrong with being tolerated, Jenny? It's better than being spat on.","Jenny: Because it implies that there's something unacceptable about my being gay.","[The waiter brings the check. Burr pays it.]","Burr: Frankly, I think it's perfectly acceptable for a girl these days. Men actually find it hot.","Charlotte: What's with the double standard, Burr?","Burr: Oh, don't be a prick, Charlotte. Look at any male actor today. There's not a self-proclaimed queer in the bunch.","Charlotte: (scoffs) Does anybody give a sh1t anymore?","Burr: They give a sh1t. Do you honestly think a studio's going to pay a guy what they pay me if his fans think he's a faggot?","Charlotte: All the millions you've collected over the years, what have you got to lose?","Burr: I was speaking hypothetically, darling. We're not really talking about me.","Charlotte: Oh. I thought we were.","Burr: Don't twist my words, Charlotte. I know you take pleasure in it, but be warned, sweetheart. Do you know how many lawsuits I've won against people who've tried to accuse me of what you just accused me of?","Charlotte: Are you threatening me?","Burr: (to Jenny) I think you might want to organize your friends to form a little legal defense fund for their beloved professor.","[Burr gets his jacket and stands. He walks to Charlotte.]","Burr: f*ck off, Charlotte.","[He kisses her cheek and walks off.]","EXT. - RESTAURANT - DAY","[The valet drives Burr's car to the curb. Jenny walks up to Burr.]","Jenny: Hey.","Burr: Hey.","Jenny: I want to tell you that I agree with what you said, man.","Burr: You do, huh?","Jenny: I do. Because the thing is, if some male actor were to come out and say, \"f*ck, yeah. I'm gay,\" that would be, like, a huge gift to the world, but it would destroy their f*cking career.","Burr: Exactly right.","[Burr gets in his car.]","Jenny: And don't worry about Charlotte, you know?","[Charlotte walks out. Jenny doesn't see her.]","Jenny: She's an asshole. She's not God, you know?","Charlotte: I wouldn't be so sure about that, Jenny.","Jenny: (laughs) f*ck.","Burr: (laughs) Hey Jenny. If you still feel like working on the book, be at my house tomorrow night at 8:30.","[Burr drives off.]","INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - DAY","[Tina is unpacking her grocery bags. She hands the food to Bette, who puts the items in the fridge.]","Tina: Thank you.","[Bette looks at her.]","Tina: That was really nice.","[They smile warmly, almost shyly, at each other.]","Bette: (grinning) Thank you. I really liked being there with you. I loved it more than you can imagine.","[Tina sets the groceries down on the table.]","Tina: Come here.","[Bette closes the refrigerator door and walks over, hesitant. Tina hugs her tightly. At first, Bette is reluctant, but melts into it. She closes her eyes and buries her nose in Tina's hair. They sigh, enjoying the contact.]","Bette: (whispering) You feel so good.","[Bette furrows her brow, seemingly fighting tears.]","Tina: (whispering) You smell good.","[They pull away slowly. Bette nuzzles Tina's neck, seemingly searching for a kiss, but Tina pulls away. They still hold each other close, and stare into each other's eyes. Tina pushes the hair back from Bette's face. Bette smiles sadly. Tina touches a thumb to Bette's lips, and then kisses her. The kiss is slow and Bette seems surprised. When Tina pulls away, Bette trembles and looks confused. Tina quickly kisses her again.]","[When the kiss ends, Tina pushes the hair back from Bette's face again and looks at her. Bette smiles. They kiss again, deeper. When the kiss breaks, Tina looks shaken. She stares into Bette's eyes. Bette touches her lips. Tina sighs and kisses her again, then unbuttons Bette's jacket.]","[They nuzzle, breathing harder, as they both push Bette's jacket off; it falls to the floor. Tina tries to kiss Bette again, but stops. She slowly runs her hands across Bette's chest, taking her breasts in her hands, and sighs. Bette kisses Tina's forehead.]","[Music plays - \"No Other Love\" by Heart.]","[Bette kisses Tina deeply. Tina sighs and moans, giving over to it.]","INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY","[Bette, in her bra and jeans, sits on the edge of the bed. Tina stands before her, in her t-shirt. Bette pulls the shirt up and caresses and kisses Tina's belly, reveling in the contact. Tina pulls her shirt off, and then kisses her.]","Tina: (whispering) Touch me here. Feel this.","[Tina guides Bette's hand down. She slips it under the waistband of her pants, low.]","Tina: (whispering) Touch me here.","[Bette shakes and sighs as Tina guides her hand. Tina holds her to her bosom. Bette shuts her eyes and furrows her brow, whimpering.]","Bette: Oh, my God. Oh, my f*cking God...","[Tina pets Bette's hair. Bette kisses her chest.]","Bette: (whispering) Are you sure it's okay?","[Tina takes Bette's face in her hands and kisses her. They lay back on the bed.]","MOMENTS LATER -","[Bette lays on her stomach, naked except for her underwear. Tina lies along her side with her eyes closed, stroking and kissing her skin, and then slips a hand between Bette's legs.]","MOMENTS LATER -","[Bette lies behind Tina. They're making love, moving together, sighing and moaning. Bette kisses Tina's shoulders. They kiss then watch each other as they orgasm simultaneously. They shake for a moment, and then Tina reaches a hand up and touches Bette's lips. They kiss again slowly, and stare into one another's eyes. Tina touches Bette's face. Bette smiles a little, and kisses her again. Tina strokes Bette's hair as they stare quietly at one another.]","INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT","[Mark sits in a chair looking at himself in a mirror while Shane gives him a haircut.]","Mark: I don't know, babe. I think it looks little dyke-ish.","Shane: Welcome to the club.","Mark: (chuckling) I'm joking. I like it a lot. So, what the f*ck do you think that bitch wanted from you?","Shane: Oh, I don't know. She's a f*cking freak.","Mark: Damn, you know, I was just about to ask you to hook it up.","Shane: You were going to ask me to call Veronica Bloom?","Mark: I had a minute of thinking if she, uh, saw my project, she might be into it.","Shane: Mark, why didn't you say something?","Mark: No, it was just a fleeting thought. Don't worry about it.","Shane: Do you have any other leads?","Mark: Uh, no.","Shane: No?","Mark: Mm-mm.","Shane: Well, look, maybe I... maybe I'll get another job with a studio head or... maybe I actually will have a next job.","Mark: Yeah, you and me both.","[There's a knock at the kitchen door.]","Shane: Yeah?","[Carmen enters.]","Mark: Hey.","Shane: Hey.","Carmen: Hi.","Shane: Jenny's at work.","Carmen: Yeah, she's waitressing. (chuckles)","Shane: Yeah. So, uh...","Carmen: Oh, um, I just wanted to talk to you about some stuff, um...","[Mark watches Carmen in the mirror, pretending to mess with his hair.]","Carmen: You're cutting hair.","Shane: Yes, I am.","Mark: You know what? I have got a ton of work I need to be doing right now. (standing) Um, I'll clean this up when I -","Shane: No, no, I have it. I have it. No, I got it.","Mark: Okay. (to Carmen) Hey.","Carmen: Hi.","Mark: How are you? (to Shane) Thank you.","Shane: Yep.","[Mark leaves. Shane looks a little nervous.]","Shane: What's up?","INT. - THE GARAGE - NIGHT","[Mark enters, and goes to the computer. He looks at the camera in Shane's bedroom. The bedroom is empty. He switches to the one in the kitchen. Carmen and Shane are still there talking.]","[We hear a heart beating.]","Carmen: (monitor) - Shane. It's... I feel like there's something going on with you, and I would like to know what it is.","INT. - JENNY AND SHANE - KITCHEN - NIGHT","[Shane leans against the counter.]","Shane: Look, I just... (sighs) (thinking) Aw, f*ck, you know, it's - it's hard for me... to have you and Jenny in my face all the time.","Carmen: You're having a hard time with it?","Shane: You know, I'm happy for you guys. Looks like you two are having a blast together and... that's a very good thing.","[Shane comes to stand in front of Carmen and stares at the floor.]","Carmen: Then why would it be so hard for you?","[Carmen steps closer.]","Carmen: Now, Shane, I want you to look at me.","[Shane looks up, sort of, but doesn't look at Carmen.]","Carmen: I know how hard you work to keep yourself at a distance from everyone else on the planet, but it's not working for you anymore.","Shane: It's working fine.","Carmen: No, it's not. It's not, because of this.","[Carmen puts Shane's hand to her own heart, and then puts her hand on Shane's heart.]","Carmen: Okay? Do you feel this? Most people don't have this. This is rare.","[Shane looks moved by the contact. She looks at Carmen finally.]","Shane: So what?","Carmen: That's right. So what? So what, if nothing ever comes out of this? So what, if you'll never act on it? You are so convinced that having a relationship near you is going to kill you.","Shane: Because it will.","Carmen: And that's why I'm with Jenny. It works because she and I are both biding our time, waiting for the real deal to come along.","Shane: Yeah. You don't think you and Jenny are the real deal?","Carmen: No.","INT. - THE GARAGE - NIGHT","[We hear the heart beating faster. Mark watches the monitor, rapt.]","Carmen: (monitor) Jenny wouldn't know what the real deal was if it bit her in the ass. She is so... lost in her own darkness. I think she likes it in there.","[The heart beat goes faster.]","Carmen: (monitor) But do you know what's f*cked up?","Carmen: Is that you and I know what the real deal is. We saw it the first time we laid eyes on each other.","[They're very close. Shane looks as if she wants to kiss Carmen. She nods a little.]","INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR - NIGHT","[Tina shows Bette to the front door.]","Tina: Bette. I just wanted to tell you that -","Bette: I know. I know. This doesn't mean (takes deep breath)... we're back together. I know.","[Tina shakes her head and smiles. Bette looks a little hurt.]","Tina: Let's not let it mess everything up.","[Bette looks crushed. She smiles anyway.]","Bette: It won't. I promise.","Tina: (smiling) We were doing great.","Bette: (smiling) Yeah. Great.","Tina: Okay.","Bette: Okay.","[Tina steps up to Bette. Bette looks uneasy.]","Tina: Bye.","[Tina kisses Bette on the cheek.]","Bette: Bye.","[Bette awkwardly returns the kiss and opens the door and leaves. Tina closes the door behind her, turns around, and sighs.]","INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT","[Shane and Carmen stand close. Carmen avoids Shane's gaze.]","Carmen: You're not living your life, Shane. And if you don't take any risks... (looks at Shane) then you might as well be dead.","INT. - THE GARAGE - NIGHT","[Mark watches the scene unfold, captivated.]","Mark: f*ck me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR - NIGHT","[Tina opens the front door. It's Helena.]","Helena: Hi.","Tina: Hi. Um, come in.","[Helena enters.]","Helena: Uh... you... you're not ready to go.","[Tina looks down at what she's wearing - her bathrobe.]","Tina: Do you mind if we just stayed here tonight and ordered in? I just... I don't feel like being out in public.","Helena: Well, we could go back to my place?","Tina: Is there a problem with staying here?","Helena: No. No. There's, um, no problem.","[Helena smiles and smooches Tina. Tina quickly grabs her and kisses her more, backing her against the wall. Helena seems quite surprised and amused but not really into it. She keeps her hands against Tina's shoulders, pushing her back. Tina doesn't seem to notice, or doesn't care.]","Tina: (kissing) Yeah.","Helena: (chuckling) Wha - are you having some kind of hormonal surge, here?","Tina: (breathless) f*ck you.","Helena: That is what you seem to want.","Tina: (chuckling) It is, actually.","Helena: Mm-hmm?","Tina: Yeah. I just wanna f*ck all night.","[Tina walks Helena into the middle of the room.]","Tina: And I wanna f*ck, and f*ck, and f*ck...","[Tina pulls Helena over to a chair and pushes her down in it. She kneels in front of her, breathless and excited, and sticks her hand up Helena's dress.]","Tina: ... and f*ck, and f*ck.","[Helena immediately pushes back and away as Tina paws at and kisses her.]","Helena: Oh - okay -","[Tina quickly kisses down Helena's chest. Helena pushes her away.]","Helena: No - no. I'm not - I'm not so sure that I like this. I don't think I like this.","[Tina sits up, breathless. Helena holds her at arm's length.]","Tina: Why not?","Helena: Because you're not acting yourself and I'm not sure that I like it!","[Tina pushes Helena's hands off.]","Tina: Oh. I see. Is it my apartment? Is it just too ordinary for you? Or, uh, you know. maybe it's that you need to be in control all the time. Or maybe you need an audience. That's it. That's what works for you. (raising voice) I don't think you're interested in s*x unless there's some sort of risk or someone's watching or something else is going on!","[Tina gets up and opens the door to the patio.]","Tina: Here we go. (shouting outside) Hey! We're about to have s*x! You wanna come watch?!","Helena: (standing) Tina, your neighbors!","[Tina closes the door and runs up to Helena, excited.]","Tina: Oh! My neighbors! That is a - that is a wonderful idea! (kisses Helena) Mm! You are so f*cking hot!","[Tina races over and opens the front door.]","Tina: (shouting outside) Hey, we're about to have s*x, me and my girlfriend, do you wanna come down here and watch us?! We're just gonna f*ck!","[Helena blinks, flabbergasted.]","Helena: Have you gone mad?!","[Tina closes the front door and runs back to Helena.]","Tina: I don't know! What do you think? What do you think, do you think I'm f*cking crazy?!","[Helena tries to hold on to Tina to calm her down. Tina pushes her hands away and Helena puts them back.]","Helena: No, I think -","Tina: Are you turned on?!","[Tina pushes Helena's hands away. Helena puts them back, trying to calm her down.]","Helena: (pleading) I think your hormones are raging out of control and I think I know better than to reason with you.","[Tina shoves Helena's hands off.]","Tina: f*cking hormones! What, I'm not allowed to have actual feelings now?!","Helena: Tina. I've been through this before.","[Helena takes Tina's hands, appealing to her. Tina doesn't look amused.]","Helena: Winnie was a monster at this stage in her pregnancy.","Tina: Yeah. And look at you and Winnie now.","[Helena looks stung by the comment.]","Helena: (sighs) You know, I think I'm gonna go now. I'm gonna call you tomorrow -","[Helena starts to leave. Tina blocks the hall to the door.]","Tina: No!","[Tina forcefully grabs Helena's arms.]","Tina: No, I need you now! I need you tonight! Stay here!","[Helena tries to hold on but Tina smacks Helena's hands off.]","Tina: (crying) Stay here!","[Helena puts her hand on Tina's face.]","Helena: I think you need to be alone. You need to be alone.","[Tina turns away. Helena looks at her sadly, then leaves. When she's gone, Tina rubs her forehead and cries.]","Tina: What am I doing?","INT. - DAN FOXWORTHY'S OFFICE - NIGHT","[Bette sits in the doctor's darkened offices. She looks worried.] Bette: I don't know how it happened. I don't know. I mean, we were working so hard at forging this friendship. Do you think I f*cked it up by having s*x with her?","Dan: Do you think you f*cked it up?","Bette: I don't know. I mean, what did it mean?","[Dan shakes his head.]","Bette: I don't think she wants to get back together with me...","Dan: Do you want to get back together with her?","[Bette's emotions play openly across her face, saying that yes, it's all she wants; then she looks down at her hands and her face goes blank.]","Bette: I don't know.","Dan: How did it feel - having s*x with her?","Bette: (laughs) It was f*cking amazing. It was just f*cking... amazing. It was like... all of the reasons that we fell apart just disappeared and, and it was like I had - it was like I had my life back for just one second.","[Dan nods.]","Bette: And it was also really sad.","Dan: Sad? How so?","Bette: Because I've lost her. Because... we don't... well, like she doesn't belong to me anymore. Like I - it feels - someone else had been touching her and making love to her and I felt that other person and I felt... her connection to that other person, you know? And... and she did things that we had never done together. And it was like she was so... (sighs) free.","Dan: Free?","Bette: Yeah. I mean, I always treated her so gingerly, you know, like she was some fragile thing. And now, even though she's pregnant, its like, it's like she's... it's like she's unbreakable.","[Bette pauses, thinking, then suddenly bursts into tears.]","Bette: I don't...","[Bette takes a deep breath and sighs.]","Bette: It was shocking, I guess. It was shocking - it was shocking that she was so... sure of herself. (smiles)","Dan: Bette... Tina's been though some major ordeals over the past year. Your break up. Uh, new career. Her pregnancy. These things can change a person. Make them stronger. Don't you think it might be a good thing?","Bette: Of course it's a good thing.","[Bette looks at the floor for a moment, then sighs.]","Bette: It just means... she doesn't need me anymore.","EXT. - s*x TOY SHOP - DAY","[Dana shuts the door of her car, which is parked on the curb outside the store. She's wearing her sunglasses again. She straightens her jacket, squares her shoulders and steps onto the sidewalk. She exhales, then removes her sunglasses, and bravely walks in.]","EXT. - THE GARAGE - DAY","[Jenny knocks on Mark's door.]","Jenny: Hey Mark, I need those Burr Connor DVDs back.","[Mark doesn't answer. She knocks again. The door opens.]","Jenny: Hello? Mark?","[Jenny goes in. She sighs, looking around at the stacks of DVDs for hers. She looks by the computer, but finds a tape labeled \"SHANE\/CARMEN LOVE CONFESSION\" instead. She opens it.]","INT. - THE CAC - BOARD ROOM - DAY","[Bette is talking to a woman artist. She is showing a picture to Bette of part of a piece done by Christo, where he wrapped the shores of a small group of islands in the Florida Keys in pink fabric.]","Woman: This is the piece Christo did between '80 and '83 down in Miami. We've included images from Michael Heizer, Robert Smithson, Walter de Maria, uh, Dennis Oppenheim, and of course Andy Goldsworthy.","[Bette looks at the Christo photo, and picks up other photos from the table. James enters.]","Bette: I've been talking to Allyn about commissioning a new piece. Of course, we'll have to do more fundraising.","[Helena swaggers in.]","Helena: How about if I just... add it into the budget?","[Helena seats herself at the head of the table.]","Bette: Helena. I'm sorry we were just in the middle of a meeting.","Helena: I am offering to underwrite Allyn's entire retrospective. I don't want money to be the deciding factor on any creative decision. Do you have a budget?","Bette: I do.","[They both smile, staring daggers at each other.]","Helena: I'd like to see it, if I may.","Bette: Well, I'm not really ready to present it yet. But I will show it to the entire board.","Helena: That's not really how I like to work.","Bette: Well, it's the only way I can work.","Helena: I can deal with Leo on this if you'd rather.","Bette: Can we just have a separate meeting?","Helena: Absolutely.","Bette: Great.","[Helena picks up a photo from the table and looks at it. Bette and the woman stare at Helena. Helena pretends to suddenly notice.]","Helena: Oh, I'm just going to sit here and listen for a while.","[Bette sighs and smiles at James.]","Bette: Okay. Uh...","[Bette hands the woman a rolled-up chart.]","Bette: Why don't you show Helena your proposal for dealing with the passage of time?","[The woman clears her throat and unfurls a chart on the desk in front of Helena. Bette looks over at James.]","INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY","[Jenny sits, watching the tape of Shane and Carmen, where Carmen says Jenny wouldn't know what the 'real deal' was and she is 'lost in her own darkness'. We see her face, tears forming in her eyes as she watches.]","INT. - JAMES' DESK - DAY","[Helena sits on the edge of James' desk, on her cell.]","Helena: Hello.","Tina: (phone) Hi.","Helena: How are you feeling today?","INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - DAY","Tina: Same as yesterday.","INT. - JAMES' DESK - CNTD.","Helena: You're coming over to my house tonight.","INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - CNTD.","[Tina sits down on the couch.]","Tina: Are you sure you want to see me?","INT. - JAMES' DESK - CNTD.","Tina: (phone) What if I have some sort of hormonal fit?","Helena: I'm sorry, that was... that was uncalled for on my behalf. Accept my apology?","INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - CNTD.","Tina: Look, if you want me in your life, you just have to understand one thing, okay? I - I'm not some sort of toy that you can take down off the shelf and play with whenever it suits your mood.","INT. - JAMES' DESK - CNTD.","Tina: (phone) You understand?","Helena: Yes, you - you're not a toy.","Tina: (phone) And if we have some sort of disagreement?","INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - CNTD.","Tina: The fact that I'm pregnant, it's not fair game. I don't want to be reduced to some sort of raging, hormonal lunatic.","INT. - JAMES' DESK - CNTD.","Helena: It'll never happen again.","INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - CNTD.","Tina: Good.","INT. - JAMES' DESK - CNTD.","Helena: So... do I see you later on?","INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - CNTD.","Tina: Okay.","INT. - JAMES' DESK - CNTD.","[James enters.]","Helena: Good. See ya later, darling.","[Helena ends the call and leaves.]","Helena: (to James) Bye.","INT. - BURR CONNOR'S HOUSE - DAY","[Burr is kickboxing with a guy named Roy. Jenny is led into the room. She watches them. Burr seems to be getting into it - until he sees Jenny. The split second costs him and Roy gets in a good punch, knocking Burr to the ground.]","Roy: You alright?","Burr: Yeah, I'm alright.","Roy: What a hit.","[Roy helps Burr up.]","Burr: (panting) (to Jenny) Be with you in a sec. (to Roy) We've got to stop.","Roy: Oh, that's going to leave a mark.","Burr: It'll be alright.","[They bow to each other.]","Burr: Okay. That's good.","Roy: That's it.","Burr: Tell you what, let's do it again.","[Burr and Roy shake hands. Still panting, Burr welcomes Jenny over. Jenny acts extra-cheery.]","Burr: (to Jenny) Hey.","Jenny: Hey. Hello.","Burr: Roy, Jenny.","Roy: Nice to meet you.","Jenny: Hello. Nice to meet you too. Let's shake hands.","[Jenny and Roy shake hands. Jenny giggles.]","Burr: You ready?","Jenny: Great.","Burr: Come on over here.","[They walk over to another part of the room and sit down.]","Jenny: How are you?","Burr: Sore. I'm alright.","Jenny: Yeah? That's awesome. Cool. Okay. So.","Burr: Okay. So you got all your stuff? You can use your little tape recorder today.","[Jenny gets her stuff out and sets it down abruptly.]","Burr: What's the matter?","Jenny: Nothing.","Burr: Something's the matter. You sure? Jenny?","[Jenny stops. She looks upset.]","Burr: What? Jenny. Stop. No, no, no. Come on.","[Burr gets up and walks over to her.]","Jenny: No, no, no - please, please!","Burr: Stop.","Jenny: (pleading) Let me do my job.","Burr: No, no, no, no.","[Jenny freaks out as he reaches for her.]","Jenny: Please! I'm sorry, just ignore me! I have such bad hay fever. Please, please, please. Please?","[Burr kneels in front of her and puts his arms around her.]","Burr: Come here.","[Burr hugs Jenny tightly. Jenny breaks down and cries.]","Burr: It's okay, it's okay. It's okay. Alright?","INT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT","[The cafe is empty, aside from Kit and a couple of staff. Kit is humming as she oversees a small table in a romantically-lit corner. A waitress comes in and puts a bottle of wine in a bucket on the table.]","Kit: Is everything all right in there?","Waitress: It's perfect. Don't worry. Lara is working her magic.","Kit: Excellent.","[Kit's cell phone rings. She answers.]","Kit: (phone) Hellooo? Hi, baby. Where you at? (listening) Oh no. What happened? The hospital? Oh. No, no, no. I - I understand. (sighs) No, I - I - I hope your mama's okay. No. (sighs) Oh, no, no. Don't even worry about it, okay? It's your family. And you have to be there for them. Yeah, it's okay. So just (sighs) - call me next week, okay? And I - I hope everything works out okay. Alright. Bye now.","[Kit hangs up. The waitress looks at her.]","Kit: What?","Waitress: I guess - I guess... so is dinner off?","Kit: Just put it on the menu and sell it, okay?","[The waitress walks off. Kit looks at the bottle of wine sitting on the table.]","INT. - HELENA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT","[Helena is busy cooking.]","Tina: (off screen) Hello?","Helena: In the kitchen!","[Tina enters, carrying a bouquet of flowers.]","Helena: Hey.","Tina: Hey.","[They kiss.]","Helena: Thank you.","[Helena takes the flowers over to the sink and comes back and starts mixing something in a bowl.]","Tina: Did you cook all this?","Helena: Mm-hmm. I gave Sandra the night off.","Tina: (smiling) You mean we're completely alone?","Helena: Mm-hmm.","Tina: It looks amazing.","Helena: I was actually thinking of becoming a chef at one point.","Tina: You're just full of surprises.","[Helena pours two glasses of wine. She hands one to Tina.]","Helena: Now look, I know you're not supposed to - but this is too good to miss.","Tina: Just a sip.","[Tina takes a sip of the wine. Helena takes Tina's hand and leads her to a comfy chair.]","Helena: Now. Come with me. I'm gonna sit you down and wait on you, hand and foot.","[Helena kneels in front of her and takes Tina's boots off.]","Tina: I don't deserve it.","[Helena starts to massage Tina's feet.]","Helena: Forget about deserve. Deserve suggests you have to work for it. Just think:","[Helena kisses Tina's toes.]","Helena: \"I'm entitled to it.\"","Tina: I like that.","Helena: Mm.","INT. - ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS GROUP - NIGHT","[Ivan sits with a small AA support group. One of the members, Ryan, is talking.]","Ryan: It couldn't have been worse timing for my sponsor to be out of town.","Ivan: But you found your strength and you hung on. Good for you, Ryan. Thanks for sharing tonight.","[The all applaud. Kit stands in the doorway. Ivan sees her.]","Ivan: Hey, pretty lady. Looks like you have something you wanna share tonight?","[Kit slowly enters the room. Everybody watches her.]","Kit: Hi. I'm Kit.","Everybody: Hi, Kit.","Ivan: Hey, Kit.","[Kit talks directly to Ivan. Tears form in her eyes. Ivan listens closely.]","Kit: And um, I got stood up tonight. I got stood up, and I - I looked over at that bottle of wine sitting on the table, that I set for him... (sighs) and I just said, \"f*ck it, you know, I - I don't want that bottle of wine.\" But I'm - I'm - I'm just so damn lonely that I just wanted to be around somebody who... would listen to me. So I came here.","Ivan: I'm glad you came, Kit.","[Everybody applauds. Kit looks a little embarrassed.]","INT. - PERFORMANCE CLUB - NIGHT","[An old-fashioned salsa-style nightclub with a risqu\u00e9 stage performance. Tons of people mill around. Cuban music plays somewhere in the background. A scantily-clad woman dances on the stage, behind a beaded curtain; people gather around, dancing and shouting, having a great time.]","[Ivan and Kit walk through the club.]","Kit: So this is where you spend your time.","Ivan: Yeah, this is the"],"Show Title":"The L Word","Episode Number":"02x09","Episode Title":"Late, Later, Latent","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_League_01x01.json","Recap":["The guys go to Kevin's house during Ellie's fifth birthday to determine the draft order, and later, Andre throws a party during the draft itself, at which Pete announces he is splitting from his wife."],"Transcript":["Gentlemen, let's just take a moment here to celebrate something... that I think we can all agree is a truly amazing thing. And that is me. As your current champion and three-time winner... I would like to welcome each and every one of you... to this fifth season of The League. I love playing with you guys.","It's not just that you lose. It's that you try so hard, and you still lose.","Daddy's friends think they're gonna go balls-deep in him... but he's gonna go balls-deep in them. Yes, he is. And then you make these terrible bets... that end up biting you in the ass when you do lose, Kevin.","Kevin: Oh, dear God.","Woman: It's humiliating. I know. We gotta win this year. Yeah, you have to listen to me. I will. I promise, okay? So let's talk schedule. Call Taco and tell him that The League has actually started. Oh, you found it. Awesome. Come to Papa.","[SIGHS]","I have a mental erection. Oh, and lest I forget, the draft... which is gonna be at Andre's swanky new downtown loft. [OVER COMPUTER] Andre, we don't care how much money you make. You're still the same sweet, gullible little suck-tard... that we tricked into this.","[TATTOO GUN BUZZING]","Eagle looks cool, right?","Pete: Oh, it looks awesome.","Andre: So happy you guys are here.","I love you guys. You're the best. You guys are getting one too, right?","Pete: Yeah, I'm up next. God bless Fantasy Football. There are many things a man can do with his time. And this is better than those things. Are you sick? Hey, how's it going? No, I just... I had, like, a half day, and I was just getting some stuff done here. What's that? What's that? That is just a little quick video chat I was having. Fantasy Football. It's like faux football, by the way, \"fake.\" sh1t.","Pete: Kevin.","Kevin (over phone): Ready for this thing?","Pete: Kevin.","Kevin (over phone): Ready for this thing?","Pete: I'm impressed with you this season. You made it seven... Eight minutes, actually, before you threw in the towel. I'm impressed.","Bullshit.","I'm doing the work this year, okay?","Pete: Heh, heh, heh. Yeah, I may even fly out to some, you know, mini-camps. How about that?","Ever think about that? I'm ready to go. You ready?","[TOILET FLUSHES OVER PHONE]","What was that? What was that noise? What? The sound of swirling water. A flush. Are you in the bathroom? Yeah, I'm in the bathroom. What's the big deal? Not sure I appreciate being associated with bathroom time. This is the only time I get to myself. Is this a common occurrence? Yeah. That conversation we had about whether Meegan and I were gonna get married? Toilet. What about... when I thought I might wanna leave my job? Porta Potty. Porta Potty? That day was weird. We were doing construction on the house. The reason I'm calling is because I gotta let you know that... Jenny and I are gonna try to have another kid. No. No. Thank you so much for the warm tidings. Dude, you do not understand, okay? We had a massive blow-up over the kid situation. This has far-reaching implications. I'm gonna get buried underneath this. Sucks to be you, champion. Gotta go. You suck. See you Sunday. Love you. Hey, Meegan? Have you seen my lucky draft shirt?","Meegan: Mm-mm. I haven't seen it. You sure? What? What are you saying? Do you think I threw it away? No, just asking. Sorry. You were on phone with Kevin for a long time. Yeah. We were just catching up a little bit. How's Jenny? She's good. Hm. Anything new? Same old, same old, you know. Not much really changes over there, so, yeah.","Meegan: Really? Whoa.","Meegan: I think something's changing. Hi. Hi.","Meegan: Hi. Give it, give it up.","Pete: Give me...","Meegan: What?","Pete: Give me a shot at this. Give me a shot at this. Okay.","Meegan: Oh, I don't mind it rough.","Pete: This is... This is nice. Nice and slow. Nice and really slow.","Meegan: I like that.","Pete: Mm-hm. You're massaging the back.","Meegan: Yeah. You like that?","Meegan: Unh. Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's a finger.","Meegan: Just the tip. You can't... The tip is already too much. Just pull it out because I don't like...","Meegan: Unh. No. Just the tip.","Pete: No, I don't like the tip.","Meegan: I'm the boss. I'm the boss. Not okay. Whoa. Oh, no, no, no.","Meegan: No, don't move, don't move!","Pete: Oh, fingers. Not okay, not okay. Don't move! Don't move!","[BOTH GRUNTING]","[MEEGAN PANTING]","Oh, my God. Holy. That was amazing. Okay. Yeah. Good show, old boy.","[CHILDREN YELLING]","Look at you.","Woman: Hi. Great party. I think Ellie's got the same bow on today. Oh, well, they match.","Jenny: She's right there. Okay, thanks. Glad you made it. I know it's early. Anytime, my brother.","Kevin: Thank you.","Jenny: Hey, Tac. She's growing up.","Kevin: She is.","Taco: What's she, like 9 now? Nope. Nope. She's 5, Taco. Oh. She's so advanced right now, though. She is counting. She's spelling, words. It's incredible.","Taco: I can see that.","Kevin: Yeah. She's quite the wordsmith.","Kevin: She's great. Hey, guess what I did yesterday. You got stoned and watched a movie. Yeah, Total Recall. Twice.","Kevin: How'd I know? But on top of that, I wrote Ellie a birthday song. No, no.","Jenny: You did?","Taco: I did, I did.","Kevin: I told you not to do that. You didn't have to do it again. It's awesome.","Kevin: Thank you so much, Taco. That's really sweet, Taco.","Pete: Pete's here. Hold it.","Jenny: Oh, my God. Whoa. Make way, make way, make way. Pete. You really stepped up. Holy cow. It's just a little something I picked up on the way. It's nothing big at all.","[PETE HUMS FANFARE]","Jenny: That's...","Behold, the Shiva. Redux, by the way. With some new and improved elements. I've had her so long, I should do something. We've got the 2008 champion, Pete Eckhart. Two thousand and seven champion Pete Eckhart. It looks good. I think it should stay right there. If we're gonna talk football, I should talk to Jenny because that's... Talk to me? I'm an observer.","Kevin: Exactly. You keep insinuating that she runs my team. She doesn't run my team.","Jenny: Nothing to do with it.","Pete: Then you really need to sack up this year... and do it for... If not for yourself, for your family. I want it so bad. Look at it. It's so strong. You ever had s*x with a trophy before? No. But I can't wait, because I will. Oh, really? Yeah. This year, it's gonna be in my house. Really? It's gonna be mine. And I'm gonna get all your sloppy seconds. I'm gonna suck it. I'm gonna dry hump it. I'm gonna blow it.","Kevin: Okay, that's enough. That's enough. Hey, hey.","Pete: That's gross. Bing Crosby, lose the hat. Freaking the kids out. You don't like the hat? No, previous season's is gone. The last thing he's gonna do is draft Tiki Barber... even though he's a commentator. Yeah, you guys got in my head. I shat the bed.","Pete: Know what you should do?","Kevin: Look at Phil Simms or Boomer Esiason this year. Watch out, guys. Watch out. Because next year, I'm gonna be the one making fun of you.","Pete: Yeah? Boo.","Kevin: Whoa. He hit it hard on that one.","Andre: Yeah. Hey, that's a nice trophy. What's it for? Taco, it's for the... It's for The League. That's your name. You wrote that.","Kevin: You won this. You had it for a year, in '06. For football.","Pete: This was in your house a year, man. Real quick, we have to talk about the timing of the draft on Saturday. Oh, yeah.","Pete: I need a ride from you. I need to piggyback on your curfew. No. I don't know what my plans are, okay? I don't have a curfew. I may get wasted, sleep at Taco's. Sleep at my house. I got four extra bedrooms. No, I don't want to. Because I don't wanna sleep in Ed Hardy pajamas. Bring your own pajamas.","Kevin: No, I'm not. Get your own way there.","Pete: Ooh. Ruxin.","Kevin: There he is.","Taco: Hey, I'm Taco. Taco, we've been friends for 15 years. Did we get paroled? I'm not under house arrest. I come and go. You got all afternoon to hang out... No, I'm getting diapers. I got 20 minutes for some beer.","Kevin: Grab one. There.","Kevin: Gather around. It's time to pick the draft order. This is how we're gonna do it. I spent a lot of time, lot of effort into it, got very excited. So that will go over there.","Pete: This your...? On the count of three, pull out a paper. Here we go. One, two, three. There it is. This is really exciting. Number four.","Pete: Number six. Number one. Number one.","Andre: Tim Brady, mother* * * * * * s.","Kevin: Congratulations. But that is not who you're gonna be drafting. See the kids over there? The kid with your number is your kid. Where they finish in the race is where you draft, huh, bitches? You didn't even pick your own child. That's good, because she's not that fast. This is fantastic. I'm impressed. I know. Go!","[CROWD SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]","Did you turn this into a League event? I did. This is good. We're not rooting for Ellie? No, number seven. Come on, seven!","Kevin: Come on, seven! Go, come on. Go. Go for it, you son of a bitch!","Ruxin: Yes!","Kevin: Ball sack! You flaxen-haired little maniac! Adrian Peterson, the first pick in the draft.","Girl: Mom. Give me my child. I love this kid. I love this kid. Balls. Yes. Suck it!","Ruxin: Hey, check out special-needs Harry Potter over there. It's Matt Friedman, the Oracle. Who's the Oracle? He's a Fantasy Football genius, okay? No wife, no job, just pure football knowledge. He just licked a hot dog.","Kevin: Yeah. No, no, no. Ruxin. My party, my balloons, my hot dog, my Oracle. So...","Jenny: No, no, no, baby. What? What? No Freaky Friedman. Come on, honey. We don't need him. You got me. Okay. Okay? Can I have them both? No. Now go get the video camera. Hey. Hey. What's up, buddy? This is for you, Ellie. Happy birthday, princess. Yay, Taco. [SINGING] It's your birthday today What does that mean I guess I'll try to explain That five years ago on this day It was the first time Your parents saw your beautiful face And nine months before that magical day Your dad probably took Your mom out on a date And they were having a good time Can I get your info, maybe give you a shout at some point? Daughter's birthday.","Kevin: Yeah. Daughter's birthday.","Taco: Happy birthday Happy birthday","Jenny: Seriously?","And when they got home They were horny as hell And your dad threw your mom Down on the bed And he tore her panties off And his wee-wee was hard as a rock","Wee-wee?","And at this point Your mom wanted to give your dad head But your dad also wanted...","Can you even hear this?","So they formed a 69","And your mom came at least three times And then your dad was so excited To get inside your mom That he forgot to put a condom on And when he realized his...","Jenny: Thank you, Taco. That was great.","Kevin: Okay. Taco, thank you.","Pete: Yay for Taco.","Kevin: Yeah. Hey.","Jenny: Hey. How are you? Do you need help?","Jenny: No. Do you want some cake? No, do you need a drink? It's really good. No, we're actually trying, so I'm not drinking today. What? Yeah. Get out. No. Congrats. How long have you been trying? Just this past month. Wow, that's amazing. Two babies. That's just incredible. When the time in your life is right, that's when you should do it. You guys are at that spot. That's great. That's so funny. Our... It's... I feel like we're at the same spot.","Jenny: Really? Yeah, and it's so funny, except for: You and Kevin were so smart, there was planning. Like, we're ready, we're gonna do it.","Meegan: Planning? They have s*x all the time. Clearly Kevin doesn't have slow swimmers, does he? I might have a beer. We should have s*x more often, because someone... Can I ask you a question? How does a woman know that her husband has slow swimmers? Because obviously... It's like CSI. Gotta scoop it up. You pull out, I scoop it up. I clean up. I get to the bottom. I'm like a detective.","Pete: Okay.","Meegan: You know, I need to know. Maybe my swimmers wouldn't be so slow... if someone wasn't putting their finger in my ass while we're having s*x. Wow.","Pete: I think that tends to... Whore. Attagirl. There you go. Good girl.","Ruxin: When you've got the sixth pick in the draft, you don't have choices.","Ruxin: When you've got the sixth pick in the draft, you don't have choices. First pick, Adrian Peterson. I mean, the guy has hammies that could literally pull a car. He's got these shoebox calves, that beautiful chestnut-black skin. I know that sounds weird. That's creepy. What does not sound weird is the help I will receive from my friend the Oracle. A 9-year-old who will work his testicle-free magic... Oh, my, God! to provide picks and the scientific precision... that will take me to the top and make this the year of the Ruxin. Stop. Just please stop talking. Go inside and be professional, do our jobs. Okay. Okay. No problem, Jenny.","Kevin: She doesn't run my team. Mr. Gomez, how are we?","Gomez: How you doing? Everything good? Yeah. Mr. Gomez, I represent the state. And we have what I believe is enough evidence to put you away for 10 years. Oh, no, no, no. Ernie's an innocent man. So he's not going away for any time. Did you do it? Of course not. There you go. Really? Really. Ernie, do you remember waving... at the surveillance cameras of all three liquor stores? We've got the videotape. \"Hi, Mom. It's me, Ernesto.\" Your client's going away for 10 years. Unless... Unless? [WHISPERING] We swap first-round picks. Sidebar.","Gomez: Unless? You can't take my number one. [IN NORMAL TONE] Give me the number one. I'm gonna give you my sixth pick in the draft, okay? And I'm gonna give your client seven years. I'm gonna knock it down from 10 to seven. For the number one pick... this man should be able to walk out the door, go on a crime spree... that would make Robert Blake cum in his pants. Then he should be able to go home, and have s*x with your wife... then be given a parade in his honor. He's kidding. Shh. Respect the sidebar, sir. Thank you. Listen, I'm doing you a favor here, okay? This is pro bono work for you. Listen, all I wanna say to you is this, I gotta do two of these cases a year. This man, guilty or innocent... can do no more than six years for third-round picks. It's not gonna happen, okay? It's first-round pick. What do you wanna do? He goes for five years. We swap first rounds. Pleasure doing business with you, sir.","Gomez: Excuse me, sir. Excuse me. What was that? You're going away for five years, and I just lost Adrian Peterson. You had to go to the third liquor store? Just go to one. I stole a KitKat last week. Nobody knows. You keep it small.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Friedman: Hi. Hi, how are you? Good. Hey, can Matthew come out and play? No, Matthew's getting ready for bed. Just tell him Ruxin's here. Absolutely not. You know, I'll hook up with him online. No, you won't. No, you won't. Numb-nuts. What's up, Kevin? Where you been? You forgot the Shiva at my house. Maybe you should just hang onto it. I don't think I'm gonna play. Not gonna do your mind game. Take it back, bring it on Saturday. I'm gonna win it like a man.","Pete: Look, Meegan and I had a talk... and to be honest I have so much work coming up to do. I gotta... It's gonna be super busy. Wait, you're not playing? I'm gonna be really busy, is what I'm saying. Yeah, everybody's busy with everything. Cave on everything else, okay. Don't cave on this. It's important. I can't do it this year. Okay.","Pete: All right? I'm sorry. Look what I got. That's excellent. You see it? Yes. Enjoy it, man, enjoy it. Bang. That's where it stays. That's where she's gonna stay. Yeah, in the street. You're not gonna tempt me into... I'm gonna drive away. I'm walking back. Good enough.","Pete: Going in the door.","Kevin: I'm starting the car.","Pete: Okay.","Kevin: You see that? I'm really going.","[SIGHS]","Andre: Welcome to Chez Andre.","[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]","Gentlemen, take a look around... because this is how a single man in the city lives. A man with a 65-inch LED TV... with DirecTV, NFL Sunday Ticket... and Super Fan package. Whoo. Yes, it's college football right now. But next week, it will be NFL. And it will be pure Fantasy Football nirvana. Tiffany, drinks. Ladies. You hired bartenders?","Andre: There you go.","Taco: How you doing?","Kevin: All right.","Andre: I figured, you know... Can we just wait for a second? I figured we play Fantasy Football, but let's live a fantasy life. Gentlemen, to... Can we...? I'm gonna make a toast. This year I'd like to make a toast to you guys. To my friends. And to... Can we...? Can you hold on with your drinks for a second, please? Can we please wait? I'm making a toast.","Ruxin: Sorry. Guys, guys.","Andre: Just to good friends. And l... Don't cheers.","Kevin: Cheers.","Andre: I didn't even say it yet. All right. We're not drinking. Just doing this.","Andre: I know, but let me say my thing. To my friends. To my dear friends.","Kevin: Cheers.","Andre: No, no, no. Come on. Come on.","Kevin: What is this? Art?","Andre: No, not art. Oh, Dr. Dre smokes the chronic?","Andre: Bingo, Taco. All right. Right after graduation, you guys rolled me my first joint. That's it. I kept it. We got crazy.","Kevin: Ruxin, you told me you told him. I never told him. How do you tell someone that? Tell me what? You know what is in that joint? Weed. No. No. Not weed. My pubic hairs. No, no, no. No, no, no. That was... Dude, you're messing with me, because I got high. I got wasted. How did you get high off of ball hair? What are you, sh1tting me? You seriously got high? Are you serious, this is your ball hair? It was not his ball hair. It was his lower-shaft hair. Yep, right by the root. You know what? Cheers. No, no cheers. Cheers. I could have gotten... No, no.","Pete: What is this thing we're going to anyway?","Meegan: It's called Down Doggie. Down Dog. Is it a yoga benefit? It's a charity event for dogs with Down syndrome.","[PETE LAUGHING]","Are you...? Oh, you're ser... I thought you were kidding. Sorry. How do they even tell the dog has Down syndrome? Seems like an arbitrary distinction. Don't know how... It's an epidemic.","Pete: Okay. Sorry, I was messing around. It's a really good event for you to network. I'm gonna network. And if you network, just imagine.","[DOORBELL RINGS]","Brilliant. That's Theresa too, with my dry cleaning. Be a love and go fetch it for me. Okay. Brilliant. Hey, Theresa. Come on in. How you doing?","[THERESA SPEAKING IN SPANISH]","Where did you get that shirt? Mrs. Meegan. She gave it to me. She gave it to you? She says, \"No more for you.\" Wow. For the third pick of the draft... The Double Ent-Andres pick Michael Turner. Running back. Was that necessary, the last part? But we can all take a lesson from Andre, please put your own picks on the board. I'm the commissioner, not the sticker bitch. Also, I wanna take this moment to talk about league fees. Guys, I need checks on time this year. Taco, okay? I need money. No Beanie Babies. No Camel Cash. No poems. Well, what about homemade hummus? No. All right, we got the four of us, the two out-of-town idiots are on auto draft. Vince is on the phone. Okay, enough, enough. I've heard enough, okay? You are stalling for Pete. It's his pick, where is he? I don't know. He's probably on his way. He's on his way?","Kevin: Yeah. If he doesn't show up in the next ten seconds... I'm going to make his pick for him. And I think that Pete would want with his first pick... either a kicker, or the Detroit Lions' defense.","Pete: No, no, no, Ruxin. Gentlemen, your champion has arrived. Bam. Oh, God.","Ruxin: You're late.","Kevin: Where have you been? I just paid my cleaning lady $200 for my own T-shirt. Goddamn it, I made it. I'm very happy to be here.","Kevin: She doesn't look very good. No, she took a little beating. It might have been a garbage truck or some rabid squirrels or something. I'm glad she's here. I'm glad you're here. Okay, ladies, ladies. Make a pick, or get a room and rub dongs. Either way, let's get moving here. All right. Matt Forte. Who's next?","When the life Grabs you","Kevin: Oh, thank you.","Taco: Look how nice that is.","Thank you very much.","Kevin: Taco, you're up. Your pick.","Taco: You guys still thinking about football? Come on, man, just pick. Joffrey Reynolds. Who is Joffrey Reynolds? Running back. Calgary Stampeders. He's good.","Kevin: Taco, it's NFL players only, okay. What's...? I don't understand.","Ruxin: Understand me? Dude, great party, right? You guys having fun?","Kevin: Yeah.","Ruxin: Is this a draft? Who are these people?","Andre: It's both. Just pick, Taco. Come on.","Taco: Fine. Uh... \"Darren Sproli.\"","Kevin: Darren Sproles. Good pick. Good job. Darren Sproles? No, no, no. That's who I was gonna pick. Who cares? He picked Sproles. He could've picked Bill Shatner. He doesn't know the difference. Hello, is Matthew there? No, no, this isn't Ruxin. This is Dale Thompson. I am his Civics teacher. Paging To Catch a Predator.","[LAUGHING]","Kevin: Hey, Andre, you're up, man.","Anyone pick Keyshawn Johnson? I'm sure he's been picked. How has he not been picked yet?","Kevin: Don't know how he hasn't. Keyshawn, on the board.","Pete: Done. Fine, Keyshawn Johnson.","Andre: Keyshawn. Who wants to tell him about Keyshawn? Keyshawn Johnson retired like three years ago. There's the mistake.","Ruxin: Yearly Andre mistake.","Andre: No, no.","Pete: He's retired. Put it on. No, I meant Chad Johnson. Ochocinco? Ochocinco? sh1t. Sorry about all the D-bags. I just...","Pete: Hey, hold on a second. I'm sorry, did you just bring a 9-year-old to the party? No, I brought the Oracle to the party.","Oracle: This party blows.","Ruxin: Couldn't agree more. Why is he wearing your jersey? We worked out a deal. He gets my Manning Jersey, and I get a championship. What? Catch you on the rebound, frumpkins. Why are you going upstairs? To talk strategy, jealous? He got high off your pubes? His pubes, yeah. Off the root. Right off the bottom of the root.","Andre: What's going on, man? Hey, Dr. No. Hey, heads up, man. My bush is getting a little thick. Wanna get baked?","[LAUGHING]","Deramo: Dumbest thing I've ever heard.","Seventh round, Jay Cutler? No. Why? Young guy, new system. Guarantee he throws four picks in the first game. Okay. Larry Johnson? That's a great pick. Thank you. In '05. Sorry.","Kevin: Taco? Taco, it's your pick. Come on. Aaron Rodgers. Yeah, what she said. Oh, no, no, no. Not on my bidet. Nicely done.","Pete: Thanks for hosting, Andre. Good party. It's a good party, dude. I'm impressed.","Andre: Glad that you came.","Kevin: Yes. I'm glad that you decided to cave on some things. Look, good things happen when you do. Let me tell you, I know you're all in your head about kids. It's not that bad. We made Ellie into our little slave. We taught her how to mop. She's got the Mop & Glo. She's all over the place. It's awesome, trust me. Kevin, there's no caving, all right? Look, I bailed. What do you mean you bailed? I mean me and Meegan are done. It's over. You guys always are fighting. Yeah. Yeah, we fight all the time, that's the point.","Friedman: Matthew. Hey. You, where's my son? Where's Ruxin? I think he's upstairs.","Friedman: Damn. Matthew!","[ANDRE LAUGHING]","I don't feel like helping you. You haven't done anything. You told me not to draft Cutler. I'm wanna go home. You're not going with my jersey on. This is my jersey. We had a deal. No, no. We had a deal. This is my jersey. No.","Ruxin: Take off that shirt. Give me the jersey back. What the hell are you doing to my son? Okay, this guy's being a total douche.","Ruxin: Look, Antonio Gates or Jeremy Shockey?","Friedman: Shush. You all are responsible for this. Hi, me from before. Just need to figure out this eighth round, tight end. Shut your mouth. You broke into my home, kidnapped my son. As an attorney, I don't see it that way. You sick pervert.","Pete: Oh, Shiva.","Friedman: Stay down.","Ruxin: What about Kellen Winslow? I'll kill you.","Ruxin: All right, all right. I'm just... Know what, I'll hit you guys up on Facebook. Another successful draft. Yeah, absolutely. Cheers.","[TACO COUGHING]","Yo, I tried smoking mine, it's not working. She doesn't have any. Kevin, hook a brother up, man. No."],"Show Title":"The League","Episode Number":"01x01","Episode Title":"The Draft","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Mentalist_02x12.json","Recap":["Jane and the CBI team are assigned to investigate the murder of Martha St Clair, a mayor's aide and media liaison, after the body is accidentally dug up by the mayor during the groundbreaking ceremony for Central Valley's large Granton building development. Jane riles the mayor, Melba Walker Shannon, and her personal assistant Wilson, especially after the CBI team uncovers the mayor's corrupt backhander from the developer. It is a case that draws the attention of the media and local eco-terrorists, with one suspect being the masked leader of the eco-warriors (pseudonym Jasper). Mike Brewster, a reporter, is assigned to watch the team's work and take some interviews with the staff, but initially he encounters a lack of co-operation until Jane decides to make amends and get to know him, but Jane is kidnapped by Jasper while out with Brewster. Jasper tells Jane he is not the murderer and Jane unmasks him as Wilson - he had gone undercover as the mayor's P.A. After Jane is rescued, Lisbon allows Brewster to observe as they stake out a suspect, but it leads instead to a surprise revelation by Jane that Brewster is the murderer - he killed Martha because she kept it a secret from him that she had discovered the mayor's corruption when as a reporter breaking that story would have made his career. Later, Rigsby and Van Pelt make a big announcement to their CBI team -- they are lovers; this causes a problem because until now everyone but Lisbon knew, but now she officially knows they are breaking regulations."],"Transcript":["CBI","A TV investigative reporter is chronicling the exploits of CBI.","Lisbon: The red light's on That means we're ready, yeah?","Reporter: Yes. Would you tell us why and how a psychic becomes a CBI agent?","Jane: I'm not a psychic. No such things as psychics.","Lisbon: And he's not a CBI agent. He's a consultant. Big difference.","Reporter: \"no such thing as psychics.\" uh, care to elaborate?","Jane: Uh, no, not particularly. Um, you know what? This-this is not- This is not a good idea, I don't think. Um, it's not a good idea.","Reporter: (clears throat) Okay. Um, maybe we'll- we'll come back to that later. Uh, how do your cases usually start?","Lisbon: Uh, a case begins with us getting a phone call from the A. G.'s office to lead an investigation. In the St. Clare homicide, the local D.A. wanted us on it because there were political issues involved.","Reporter: And how did the local cops feel bout your- your team coming in?","Lisbon: We get along extremely well with our local partners in law enforcement, yeah.","Crime scene","Sheriff: My people can handle this, no problem. California Bureau of Interference is what you are.","Jane: Interference? That's witty.","Lisbon: Stay out of this. I'm sure your people are competent, Chief Donner. We're simply following the A. G.'s orders.","Sheriff: Screw the A. G.. This case is going to be in the news, and you people are spotlight hogs. That's all.","Lisbon: I assure you, chief-","Jane: Don't waste your time. His anger runs deeper than you can reach.","Lisbon: Seriously, don't start trouble here. It's the last thing we need.","Cho: The victim is Martha St. Clare, 34- Media relations coordinator for the mayor of this town Mayor was here to break ground on a new development, dug up her P. R. flack instead.","Lisbon: Ouch.","Cho: Yeah, victim was stabbed twice in the chest, but there's no blood here.","Lisbon: Killed elsewhere.","Jane: Home. Her nails are done. Her hair's done. This woman doesn't wear sweatpants anywhere but at home.","Lisbon: Cho, have Van Pelt check it out.","Jane: The killer wanted the body to be discovered here under the glare of the cameras.","Lisbon: And likely came here to watch the fuss.","Jane: Likely.","Lisbon: Maybe the camera crews caught something. We'll need to have them look into it.","(Jane is sniffing)","There's bruises on her arms. Looks like something was ripped off her neck during the struggle.","Sheriff: Is he sniffing her?","Lisbon: Yes.","Sheriff: You pay him to sniff people?","Lisbon: Apparently.","Jane: She's been smoking. The nicotine patch on her arm says she was trying to quit. So under stress of late.","Sheriff: Well, case closed. Stress got a knife and stabbed her to death.","Jane: He's on a roll. You're on a roll. (sniffs) Cheap soap. Unironed shirt. Stomach pains. Recent loss of weight. I'm gonna take a wild guess here. You're angry and unhappy 'cause you're living in a motel about the woman you're having an affair with that you don't even care for You're a seething mass of self-loathing, and understandably so.","Sheriff: You son of a bitch!","Lisbon: Chief Donner, my apologies. He was completely out of line. Let-let's just get back to the body. Sir?","\u266b The Mentalist 2x12 \u266b","CBI","(the shoot continues)","Lisbon: We've closed more cases than any other unit in the CBI, but we don't keep score that way. It's not a contest.","Reporter: And you-you also lead in the number of complaints and lawsuits filed.","Lisbon: Okay, hold it. I thought we had an agreement. Brenda, a word.","(lowers voice)","Lisbon: Jane's right. This isn't a good idea. I thought this was supposed to be positive coverage.","Brenda: It is! It will be. If we're open and honest about the issues, the positivity follows. That's P. R. 101.","Lisbon: We're trying to solve a woman's murder here, Brenda. We don't have time to waste on P. R.","Brenda: Teresa, you know that we have been crucified by the media ever since Bosco and his team were killed here in our own house. When KTQZ asked me for access yesterday, I jumped at it, and the deputy A. G. concurred.","Lisbon: Who is this guy anyway?","Brenda: Totally legit TV investigative reporter. Mike Brewster. He has been covering the central valley for years. We need this, Teresa. Please. Work with us.","Lisbon: He stays out of my way. He can film in the office and in the bullpen, but not out in the field.","Brenda: Thank you.","Reporter: Seriously, thank you. You won't be sorry. And it's a two-way street, Agent Lisbon. If there's anything I can do for you...","Lisbon: There is one thing.","video footage of the groundbreaking","Reporter: Okay, so this is the footage Steve and I grabbed of the groundbreaking. That's the Mayor- Melba Walker Shannon. She plays up the folksy image, but she can be tough as nails if she needs to be.","Jane: Nice shoes. Chip?","Cho: No, thanks. Who's the rich guy next to the mayor?","Reporter: Oh, that's Heaton Krupp. He's the private developer On the project- off the record, a prize jerk.","Lisbon: Who are those people?","Reporter: Tree huggers. The project's going up on the edge of some reclaimed land.","Lisbon: You mean protected wildlands.","Reporter: You say \"potato.\"","Lisbon: You have any other footage of the crowds?","Reporter: Not really. Other networks might, but gaining access can be tricky.","Lisbon: It'd be good to get a different perspective. Cho, see if you can get the footage.","Cho: You got it.","Reporter: All right, that's Wilson Fonteneau, The mayor's flunky, and here comes the money shot.","Jane: Whew.","Van Pelt gives Lisbon stuff from St. Claire's house.","Van Pelt: These are from the victim's home. Besides the signs of a scuffle, the only thing that seemed to be missing was the victim's laptop. The murderer probably took it.","Lisbon: Check out this necklace.","Van Pelt: From the photos, it looks like she wore it a lot. You think it could have made the mark on her neck?","Lisbon: Could be. When you go to the apartment, do a targeted search.","Jane: The necklace is long gone. My guess-the killer made a souvenir of it.","Lisbon: Go.","Van Pelt: Okay.","Jane: Where we going?","Lisbon: Mayor's office.","Back on camera","Lisbon: I don't have any problem being in charge, no. I mean, maybe at first for a while, as a woman, it was a challenge, but the demands of the job take over. Yeah.","Reporter: Tell me about your weekends.","Lisbon: You want to know what I do on my weekends?","Reporter: Yeah.","Lisbon: Why do you want to know that? I mean, I have no problem having a life, if that's what you mean. I don't know why anybody would say otherwise- If they do say otherwise. Um, I'm sorry. What were we talking about?","Town hall","Assistant: Sorry for the delay. The mayor's just finishing up another meeting. It's been a crazy day around here. Can I help you?","Jane: Oh, no, I'm fine. Thanks.","Lisbon: Mr. Fonteneau, did you work closely with Martha St. Clare?","Assistant: For 16 months. Martha hired me, actually.","Lisbon: We noticed in a lot of recent photographs that she had a-a necklace on with a beautiful stone.","Assistant: Yes, a topaz, I think. It was her birthstone. She got it Christmas of last year and never took it off.","Lisbon: Do you know who gave it to her?","Assistant: No.","Jane: She had a lot of meetings, even on weekends- Business interests, community groups, book club. Tomorrow is a big day. She has a star and 3 exclamation marks at 11:00.","Assistant: Yes. Uh, she scheduled a briefing with the city council.","Lisbon: On what subject?","Assistant: I don't know, to be honest. The mayor will know.","Jane: Was she dating anyone?","Assistant: A social life-Martha? No, she had a cat.","Jane: Ah. Yes. See?","Assistant: But it died.","Jane: Right.","Mayor: Excuse me. Are you the CBI Agents?","Lisbon: Mayor, thank you for seeing us.","Mayor: Happy to help, and please call me Melba.","Jane: Like the toast?","Mayor: Just like. This way.","Mayor's office","Lisbon: Can you tell us about your construction project that you were opening yesterday?","Mayor: It's the Granton Complex, yes. We are very proud of it. It's office and retail space plus housing, all built with the latest green technology.","Lisbon: And what was Martha's involvement in the project?","Mayor: None, really. She... She was my media liaison. She was not engaged in policy issues.","Lisbon: Then what was she gonna talk about at city council tomorrow?","Mayor: Oh, a press junket. It was river rafting, I believe.","Lisbon: Chief Donner says your office has received several threats from environmental activists.","Mayor: Activists? No, they're terrorists. They burned down vacation condos up on the mountain. They destroyed luxury car lots just one town over. They're led by a madman, and he calls himself Jasper. Excuse me.","Fountenot comes in with a note","Mayor: Wilson, anything else can wait.","Lisbon: The threats?","Mayor: Yes. Um...","She shows the video threats from the environmentalists (voice distorted): The Granton development is an abomination A hundred acres of pristine wildlands razed, an entire ecosystem endangered. It must stop. It will stop, no matter what needs to be done. My name is Jasper, and I am legion. (chuckling)","Jane: Come on. \"I am legion.\" that's just silly.","Mayor: Silly?","Jane: Yeah.","Mayor: He murdered Martha.","Jane: Well, you assume.","Mayor: Yes, I do. The body was buried at the site, for God's sake. And that is a clear message, isn't it?","Jane: Melba, why would he kill Martha... and not kill you? It'd be a bigger publicity coup.","Mayor: Excuse me?","Lisbon: Uh... What Mr. Jane is trying to ask is whether there was somebody with a more direct personal grudge against Martha.","Jane: Mm...","Lisbon: Yeah.","Jane: No.","Mayor: She was a lovely- was a lovely person.","Jane: Oh, then why did you dislike her so much?","Mayor: I didn't dislike Martha. Why would I employ someone that I don't like?","Jane: That's a very good question. When you said it, your jaw tensed and your eyes went empty like a cobra.","Mayor: Wilson!","Jane: I'm not saying you killed her. I'm just saying that you're relieved that she's dead.","Mayor: These people will be leaving now.","Jane: Oh, I like the way you say that, Melba-like-the-toast- So tough and commanding. Let me tell you something. We are state law enforcement, and we leave when we want to leave.","Lisbon: Thank you for your time.","Jane: She wants to leave. See yah.","Jane: You blew my cool.","Lisbon: I swear, sometimes I think you need medication. It's like you've got A. D.D. or something.","Jane: Well, \"A, \" I'm not so sure that A. D.D. even exists, and \"B, \" I was winding her up for a reason.","Lisbon: Which is?","Jane: A diversion. The message the aide brought in made her nervous, so I took it.","Lisbon: You're stealing now?","Jane: Well, let's just call it purloining.","Lisbon: What does it say? Brewster is asking Jane, lying on a couch It says \"your 3:00 meeting has now been moved to 3:15.\" I'm just kidding. It says, \"9-1-1. Call now. Urgent. About Martha.\" From Heaton Krupp.","Lisbon: The developer of the Granton project.","Jane: Oh, yeah.","CBI","Brewster is asking Jane, lying on a couch.","Reporter: Do you enjoy police work?","Jane: Mm...","Reporter: Patrick?","Jane: Uh, yeah, I'm thinking. Uh, mm, yes and no. Uh, yeah, sometimes. Sometimes not.","Reporter: Forget it, Steve. Why do you so dislike being filmed?","Jane: 'cause you're stealing my soul.","Cho and Rigsby go to the contractor","Krupp: So I called the mayor. So what? I'm building a $20 million complex in her town. I call her a lot.","Rigsby: About Ms. St. Clare?","Krupp: About when I can start construction again. This is costing me hundreds of thousands of dollars.","Cho: It cost Ms. St. Clare a lot more.","Krupp: And I'm sorry about that. I am. But there's nothing I can do about it. Martha would have wanted us to go on.","Cho: You knew her well enough to know that?","Krupp: You're right. I'm being pious. Maybe Martha would have said, \"screw it.\" I knew her not at all outside of business.","Rigsby: Really? 'cause we just got her cell phone records, and you called her ten times yesterday. You want to tell us what you wanted to talk about so urgently?","Krupp: Seems I should get my lawyer, have him sit in with us.","Rigsby: Sure. That's your right.","Cho: Tell him to bring all your permits for the Granton project.","Krupp: My permits? Why?","Cho: Why not?","Rigsby: And we should make sure this stays an active crime scene- Keep everyone out until the case is solved.","Cho: Could take weeks.","Krupp: See... we were talking about money, okay? $10 million in public funds was to be released When we broke ground. Then I heard rumors that St. Clare was planning to tell the city council to withhold them.","Rigsby: Why?","Krupp: I don't know! I mean, that's what I was trying to find out.","Cho: But St. Clare was killed before she could talk to the city council.","Krupp: Yes, but-","Rigsby: So the $10 million will come to you after all.","Krupp: What are you-are you trying to lay this on me? Because you're messing with the wrong guy, officer!","Cho: We're not officers. We're Agents. That's quite a temper you got there.","(glass shatters) someone throws a Molotov cocktail in the window of the trailer","Rigsby: Look out!","(grunts)","Cho: get down, get down!","Rigsby: Get on the floor!","Help! (shouting indistinctly)","Cho: I got the door! Go, go, go, go! I got the door! (grunting) Aah! I got you.","(glass shatters)","(coughs)","(all coughing and wheezing)","Cho: This was done by someone who knew what he or she was doing.","Krupp: (coughing) crackpot Jasper. He's a terrorist, and you ain't doing Jack to catch him, chief.","Chief of police: I'm in charge of the town of Salter, Mr. Krupp, not the outlying areas. (indistinct police radio chatter) Jasper's never launched an attack here in town before.","Cho: Until now.","Rigsby: Hey! Check this out. Apparently, this is the same tag that Jasper used in the attack on the condos.","CBI","At the office Rigsby is interviewed by Brewster.","Rigsby: It's good just here?","Reporter: That's great.","Rigsby: Uh, I've been in fires before. I worked with the, uh, arson squad in San Diego for a couple years, so I'm not unfamiliar with the issues. It's never pleasant, though. (chuckles) Um, I mean, when you're- When you're in it, it's- there's no time to think. But-but afterwards, well... Yeah. It can make you think. There was a... There was a moment there where, uh... Yeah, makes you think. It's a gift, isn't it? Life. You should be grateful for it... Make the most of it.","Van Pelt: We have to catch this guy before he kills someone else.","Jane: He hasn't killed anyone yet.","Van Pelt: Not Martha St. Clare?","Jane: Eh.","Cho: Martha St. Clare was about to stall the development. That exactly what Jasper wants. So why kill her?","Lisbon: Maybe he didn't know Martha's intentions.","Jane: But the mayor must have known. Let's go see her.","Lisbon: Yeah. You guys look into this Jasper character.","Jane: Don't bother.","Van Pelt: What does that mean, anyway- a red herring?","Lisbon: A red herring is what you look in to regardless of what Jane tells you. Anything on the networks' footage?","Cho: They've been throwing up hurdles- Something about first amendment issues.","Lisbon: Get the footage. I'm tired of hearing their excuses. We I. D. Somebody in the crowd, maybe we get lucky.","Cho: Yes, boss.","Cho is interviewed by Brewster","Cho: Why am I a detective? Why are you a reporter?","Reporter: What?","Cho: Why are you making this documentary?","Reporter: It's a fresh perspective on law enforcement.","Cho: No, I mean, what's in it for you?","Reporter: Well, uh, scoring this exclusive is a good way to get noticed.","Cho: So you're ambitious. How long you been doing the news here?","Reporter: About eight years.","Cho: Anchor?","Reporter: Mostly fieldwork.","Cho: So you're ambitious, but you haven't gotten very far.","Reporter: I, uh, I guess that's about it, yeah. You don't like being asked questions, do you? The team as a whole seems to have a problem with that.","Cho: Is that a question?","Brenda: Mike, if I can interrupt here?","Reporter: Yeah.","Cameraman: We're clear.","Brenda: Uh, there's coffee in the kitchen, John. I'm so sorry. Agent Cho?","Cho: Yeah?","Brenda: It is the specific request of the deputy A. G. that your unit cooperate fully with the media.","Cho: What's your point?","(coughs) (Rigsby clears throat) Ohh. (Rigsby coughs)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Town hall","Lisbon: Mayor Shannon, we need to talk.","Mayor: Of course. I have a meeting. Please make it fast.","Jane: Sure. How big was your bribe from Heaton Krupp?","Mayor: That is an outrageous slander.","Jane: You sold your approval of the Granton project. Martha found out. She was gonna reveal it at the city council meeting, which you said was gonna be about river rafting, of all things. River rafting- from where did you pull that?","Mayor: You better have really good personal lawyers. If you pursue this absurd line of harassment, I will hang you by your heels.","Jane: Did you get a slice, too, or are you strictly wage labor?","Assistant: I-","Mayor: your superiors will hear from our lawyers.","Jane: Oh, don't bother with lawyers. It's such a waste of taxpayer dollars. Just confess. You'll feel a lot better.","Assistant: In actuality, you have no proof of this so-called bribery.","Jane: Uh, none at all.","Mayor: Are all CBI Agents this incompetent? Have you even bothered to check her lover as a suspect?","Jane: First you say it was Jasper. Now it's the lover that did it. You gonna make up your mind?","Lisbon: What lover? We understood she had no social life.","Assistant: I didn't know she did.","Mayor: Oh, well, she did, and competent police would have known that.","Lisbon: Why didn't you tell this earlier?","Mayor: Why don't I just do your job for you? How would that be?","Jane: Oh, just please arrest her or something.","Lisbon: Nothing to hold her on.","CBI","Van Pelt is interviewed.","VanPelt: I'm the rookie on the team. (chuckles) Been here... 18 months now. Um, it's hard work, but this has been my dream ever since I was a kid- to be a Detective.","Reporter: And what's been the most surprising thing you've learned about this job you do?","VanPelt: I've... learned a lot about myself... As well as about other people- stuff I wish I didn't know sometimes.","Reporter: Stuff like...","VanPelt: Why people do bad things to one another. It's mainly because of secrets. Trying to hide the truth chips away at your spirit. Secrets ruin relationships. The gang watches all of the footage of the groundbreaking.","VanPelt: We finally got the footage from every news station covering the groundbreaking ceremony. Apparently, threats work. These are two separate vantage points of the mayor, and these are feeds of the crowd. There-that guy (clicking)","Lisbon: Can you narrow it down for us? There's, like, 50 guys there.","VanPelt: The guy in the crowd there- After the mayor digs up the victim.","Jane: He certainly doesn't look like he fits in. Oh, that's bold.","Lisbon: A Jasper acolyte.","VanPelt: Or the man himself.","Lisbon: Get with the local P. D. See if they can identify him. What is it?","Jane: Nothing. Just hungry.","Rigsby: So we went back to St. Clare's apartment, went through her closet and realized that some of her work shirts-","Jane: button on the right.","Rigsby: Yeah, and not her size.","Lisbon: So the mayor was right. She did have a lover.","Jane: Of course she had a lover. That necklace she always wore was obviously a romantic gift. She'd never spend that kind of money on herself.","Lisbon: Now you say so Very wise in hindsight.","Jane: Well, I thought it went without saying. It's horribly obvious when people are in a relationship- Impossible to hide, try though they might. She was a very attractive woman. I would not be surprised if she had two lovers. There is nothing here. I'm gonna go out for lunch. Turn that thing off, or I will shove it down your throat.","Lisbon: Let's take a walk, shall we? Come on.","Lisbon pulls Jane aside.","Lisbon: I know it hasn't been the most pleasant experience having a camera crew here. But you gotta cooperate- deputy A. G.'s orders.","Jane: Yeah.","Lisbon: So what's the deal? I would think out of everybody, you'd be the most comfortable with the cameras.","Jane: Mm. Last time I was in front of a camera, things, uh didn't turn out so well.","Lisbon: Oh, God, Jane, I'm sorry.","Jane: You don't need to be sorry, and you're right. There's no reason not to be civil. I'm going to apologize.","Jane goes back and apologizes to Brewster and his camera guy.","Reporter: Hey, I'm sorry We didn't mean to be intrusive.","Jane: No, I-I shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm sorry. I just-I don't like feeling spied on. It's my own little neurosis. You're just doing your job, right?","Reporter: Right.","Jane: Well, let me buy you a taco.","Reporter: Sure.","Jane: I know you're in.","Cameraman: I am kind of hungry.","Jane: That's the spirit. I know the perfect place. V\u00e1monos","Street","Jane: Muchas gracias. Mike.","Reporter: Thank you.","Jane: Steve. So tell me about news gathering.","Steve: You get an assignment, and pretty much-","(crowd gasping and murmuring)","Reporter: Did you get that? Did you get it?","(sighs)","Jane is led through the woods with a blindfold.","Man: Keep moving. Let's go.","Jane: I don't know where we're going, but I hope there's a bathroom. I am busting. Ohh.","CBI","Van Pelt: Definitely Jasper. The description of the van matches one seen near the condo fire and the luxury car lot Jasper destroyed.","Lisbon: How long has Chief Donner had this information? Contact the local and the county P. D.","Van Pelt: On it.","Cho: We got a hit on the Jasper associate at the groundbreaking ceremony. Local activists draw the line at kidnapping. They gave this guy up fast.","Lisbon: Bart Henrik. On his blog, he calls himself a green warrior. He's been arrested several times for inciting a riot, public disorder and vandalism. Go find him. Take Rigsby.","Cho: You got it.","The cabin","(crickets chirping)","(clicks)","Jane is led into an old cabin in the woods and handcuffed to a chair.","Jane: I can see you mean business. Uh, there's no need for firearms. I'm not Harry Houdini.","Man: Quiet.","Jane: Thank you. So you're Jasper. Well, I'm honored. Please don't say you kidnapped me for ransom, because I-I doubt you'll get $50, let alone save the whales.","Jasper: No ransom. In actuality, just a simple message- I did not kill Martha St. Clare and I didn't throw that firebomb in Krupp's office. And you-you are gonna tell that to the police and to the media.","Jane: So you kidnapped me to proclaim your innocence. Have you ever heard of a phone? Oh, yeah. I see. If you kidnap me, and I pass on the message, then you get a blast of that publicity that you love.","Jasper: If I am branded a killer, everything I have fought for is discredited. People support me because I have respect for all living things.","Jane: Yes. Yes, it's a good rule of thumb to avoid doing things that require you to wear a mask. And you're such a handsome fellow, too.","Jasper: How'd you know I'm handsome?","Jane: Well, I was just speaking figuratively.","Jasper: No, you weren't. You know who I am.","Jane: No, I have no idea.","Jasper: Leave and don't come back.","Jane: No, he doesn't have to go anywhere. I-I-I- Will you listen to me? I have no idea- You could be Elvis Presley, for all I know.","Jasper: How did you know?","Jane: I don't know.","Jasper: How did you...","Jane: Please don't do that. Pl- (sighs) (grunts) Jasper takes off his mask.","Jasper: How did you know?","Jane: Well, what's not to know? Your height, your body language, Your syntax. You said \"in actuality.\" I mean, who-who says \"in actuality\"?","Jasper: Yes.","Jane: (whispers) yeah.","Jasper: Very clever. So now we have a problem.","CBI","Cho brings in the guy from the groundbreaking.","Bart: Get that thing out of my face!","Cho: Jasper kidnapped our colleague. Where are they?","Bart: Jasper who?","Rigsby: Did you know you can get more time for kidnapping than murder? That's crazy, right?","Cho: And being an accessory after the fact makes you just as guilty as Jasper.","Bart: Man, Jasper's avenging mother earth. That's all.","Cho: You know him well enough to be sure of his motives.","Bart: Yes.","Cho: You know him so well you can tell us where he might be.","Bart: Even if I knew, which I don't, I would never betray Jasper.","Cho: \"never\" is a big word.","Bart: Try me.","Rigsby: What would Jane want us to do in this situation, Cho? With his life in jeopardy?","Cho: You know what he'd want us to do.","Rigsby: Yep. Okay. I guess we have to go there.","Cho: We should call an ambulance. It's procedure.","Rigsby: Sure. They can set it fast, and we can get straight back to questioning.","Bart: Wait. Set what? (loud clank)","Cho: Your arm-you broke it, slipped on the stairs.","Rigsby: Yeah, you should be more careful, Henrik.","Bart: Hey. Hey. A bunch of people saw me come in here fine.","Rigsby: A bunch of cops and I'm one of them. I saw you fall. And every cop in this building will say exactly the same.","(thud)","(blinds rattle)","Rigsby: A cabin in the Sierra foothills, 10 miles northeast of Salter.","Lisbon: Nice work.","The cabin","Jasper: What to do? What to do? If I let you go now, you'll rat me out.","Jane: If I may make a suggestion?","Jasper: No, you may not.","Jane: Please, Wilson. I can help.","Jasper: I cannot go to prison. I need to finish my work. Don't you see?","Jane: I do. I see. Your work is very important. But what I don't understand, though, Is why you were working in the mayor's office.","Jasper: Where better to study the enemy than from within their very camp?","Jane: Did you know that the mayor was taking bribes from the developer Krupp?","Jasper: Of course. Who do you think put Martha onto it?","Jane: Ah. You told her. But why not expose the mayor yourself or do it as Jasper?","Jasper: They would know that Jasper was inside the mayor's office. They would soon suspect me. I work in the shadows. That's why I am still here, still fighting.","Jane: I understand. Let me help you.","Jasper: Don't try to play me. Don't go saying you won't tell on me if I set you free, because I know you will.","Jane: Wilson, I am not trying to play you. I will not play you. I understand and respect your intelligence. Have a seat. Just take a moment. Wilson, look at me. I can help you.","Jasper: (whispers) how?","Jane: Look at me. You can see that I'm telling the truth. I want what you want- Peace and harmony. Peace... Quiet... It's easy. You can have it. If you want it, you can have it. So peaceful.","Chief of police: This is Chief Donner of the Salter Police Department! You're completely surrounded. Come out with your hands up!","Jane: Stay cool. Just stay cool.","Cho: Clear!","Rigsby: Clear!","Lisbon: I'm good. I got him. I got him.","Jane: Lisbon?","Lisbon: J-Jane.","Jane: Wow. I'm impressed. How the hell did you find me out here?","Lisbon: Right, because we're lost without you?","Jane: Well, I wouldn't say that, but I'm still impressed.","Lisbon: Wait. I-don't move. Ohh. They could have booby-trapped the place. We'll have the bomb squad take a look at you.","Jane: What? (mutters) you're kidding. You're kidding. I'm-I'm thankful and all that, but just get me out of here, and I'll tell you the story.","Lisbon: What story?","(handcuffs clatter)","CBI","Rigsby: So we know who Jasper is.","Cho: Fonteneau.","Rigsby: No trace of him. Slipped right through the locals' hands. He's one man, for crying out loud.","Cho: Well, he obviously knows those woods a lot better.","Lisbon: Jane, enough recovery time Tell us about Fonteneau. What'd he say?","Jane: Well, he spouted a lot of nonsense, denial. Truth is, he took the job in the mayor's office yo plan targeted attacks on new developments around town. He and St. Clare became lovers.","Cho: Secret boyfriend.","Jane: But when St. Clare found out about Fonteneau's secret life as Jasper, he killed her for it, to keep her quiet.","Van Pelt: I'll check on the warrant for Fonteneau's place.","Lisbon: Get everybody briefed, suited up and ready to roll.","Jane: Oh, look for St. Clare's necklace. It was a gift from Fonteneau. my guess-he took it when he killed her. We need it.","Lisbon: You guys sit on the location until the warrant comes in. (phone) Chief Donner? Yeah, I-it's Lisbon.","Jane: Oh, I need some aspirin.","Lisbon: Yeah. (pills rattle)","Lisbon: (phone)Yeah, I-I just wanted- could you hold on, chief? Look, that's enough, guys. We're done filming.","Reporter: You know, catching the bad guy would be a great end of the show, make you guys look like superstars.","Jane: Well, it'd certainly make the deputy A. G. Very happy.","Lisbon: True. All right You can film the bust, but you have to do exactly what I say. Deal Meet me at Fonteneau's at 06:00 hours.","Reporter: Yes, ma'am.","Lisbon: Hey. Chief, we're gonna need assistance from your entry team again.","Fonteneau's place","Reporter: What now?","Cho: We set a perimeter and wait for the warrant.","Jane: Yeah, there's a lot of this kind of stuff. Not too many car chases.","Reporter: Maybe we could, uh, ask a few questions while we're waiting?","Jane: Uh... Sure. If you must.","Reporter: Um, how did you come to work with the CBI?","Jane: You know how.","Reporter: Yes, but I-I need you to say it to the camera.","Jane: I got it. (sighs deeply) Um... Well, I came to work with the CBI after my wife and child were murdered. Have you ever experienced loss like that? A loss of love? There's nothing more important than love, is there?","Reporter: Well, we're talking about you.","Jane: Yeah. It can be very hard when love goes away. It's like a... A betrayal, almost like a violent act, right? Right?","Reporter: I guess. Um, why don't-why don't we go back to, um-","Jane: When you give someone your heart and they throw it aside, iIt's natural to be angry. Especially when you've come to rely on them, when your career is tied to theirs.","Reporter: I don't know what you're, uh-","Jane: Why don't you show us what you got in your pockets?","Reporter: What?","Jane: You heard me.","Reporter: No.","Jane: Why not?","Reporter: Because you don't have the right.","Jane: Okay. Okay. I'll tell you what you have in your pocket, and you tell me if I'm right. In your pocket, you have a blue topaz necklace that you once gave to Martha St. Clare when you were lovers. You took that necklace back after you killed her. You were gonna plant it in Fonteneau's house, prompted by my cunningly brilliant ruse.","Aha. That's it.","Reporter: I don't know how that got in there.","Jane: Oh, please. Don't be so silly. Arrest him, Cho.","Cho: Get on your knees. Put your hands on your head. Now! (click) Get up.","Jane: That's for you. And this... Is for me.","CBI","Jane and Lisbon watch the footage of the groundbreaking.","Jane: Here it comes. Bang. There. You looked away. Martha St. Clare's body hasn't been revealed, and you looked away, because you knew what was gonna happen, because you buried that body at that building site and you firebombed the trailer to try and frame Jasper. You're too clever, Mike, you're just too clever.","Mike: Nah. You spout a lot of theory, But no legal proof.","Lisbon: Ah. You want legal proof? The lab reports came back. They found traces of Martha's blood in the trunk of your car. Do you want to tell us what happened?","Mike: Rumors said the mayor was dirty, but there was no proof. I knew something was up. But... no matter how much I pushed her, Martha wouldn't say anything. Nothing. And last night, I was going through her computer just checking on some stuff, you know? I found this speech she was preparing to give, exposing the mayor as corrupt, with proof- Facts and figures, the whole deal. And she kept it from me the whole time. This is a story that could have made my career. I have been waiting for a story like this my whole life. And she's mad 'cause I'm on her computer. Hello. So she... She said, uh, she couldn't trust me anymore and that it was over. The argument escalated, and, uh, I took my necklace back. And then she starts taunting me, you know, implying that I don't have what it takes to be in the big leagues anyway, saying I'm a loser. She's had enough? She's had enough? She has? No, no, no, no. I've had enough. Me!","Lisbon: Well... We'll take that as a confession.","The gang watches mayor Melba get arrested.","Reporter: In a stunning revelation, mayor Melba Walker Shannon has been arrested by the D.A. for corruption charges stemming from the Granton at Salter development. The accuser is her closest aide, Wilson Fonteneau, who agreed to testify against the mayor in exchange for leniency regarding his activities as eco-terrorist \"Jasper.\"","This only the latest development in a bizarre story of murder and greed that has captivated the central valley.","Jane: Hey. I was enjoying that.","Lisbon: Ugh. I hate how they overdramatize everything.","Cho: Yeah, I hate that.","Lisbon: (deepens voice) \"captured the central valley.\" (normal voice) give me a break.","Rigsby: Doughnuts.","Jane: Thanks. Ladies first.","Rigsby: So, uh, guys? Uh, I have something to say.","Van Pelt: We have something to say.","Rigsby: Uh, life's too short for dishonesty Van Pelt- Grace and I are... Lovers.","Lisbon: No, you're not.","Van Pelt: Um, yes, we are.","Lisbon: No, you are not lovers.","Rigsby: Uh, but we are, though.","Lisbon: No, you're not, because a sexual relationship between two fellow bureau employees is strictly against the rules.","Van Pelt: Which is why we kept it a secret.","Rigsby: But we don't want to live a lie anymore. (inhales deeply) come what may. (chuckles)","Jane: Well, it's a big secret. Well-kept.","Rigsby: Well, maybe you knew, but nobody else did.","Cho: I knew. Half the building knows.","Rigsby: They do not.","Jane: The only person that didn't know is glaring at you right now.","Lisbon: And now I have to do something about it.","Cho: What are you gonna do?","Jane: Yeah, what are you gonna do?","Lisbon: I'm thinking. Go."],"Show Title":"The Mentalist","Episode Number":"02x12","Episode Title":"Bleeding Heart","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Mentalist_02x15.json","Recap":["Jane and the CBI team are asked to investigate the murder of Jeffrey Barge, a prominent, but arrogant, chef who was poisoned in the middle of a challenge at a best chef cooking competition in Napa Valley."],"Transcript":["Westing Resort, Napa Valley","A cooking competition takes place at a fancy resort.","Host: Welcome to the 23rd annual Westing Resort best chef challenge. I'm Bertram Duesterberg, your host. Our competing chefs today are- - First, from restaurant 182 in Sonoma...","[In the kitchen","- Salt!","Host: the youngest winner ever of the Schilling palm d'cuisine, chef Hannah Diaz. From San Francisco, where they host the acclaimed public radio show \"Two top, \" chefs Arliss and Julia St. Germain.","[In the kitchen","- Hurry up, people.","Woman: Jeff, do you want the mousse? Jeff? Yeah, yeah.]","Host: Trained in Paris, he is executive chef at la petite maison, Chef Adrien Ludo!","[In the kitchen","- Where's my chives? Let's go, people!","Host: And first up before our judges today...","[In the kitchen","- Okay, let's move! Come on, go, go! Hurry up, people.","Host: Jeffrey Barge.","Jeffrey: Thank you. My... My first... dish today... is... Is, uh...","He collapses on the floor.","Host: Is there a doctor in house, please?","Hannah: Somebody call 9-1-1! Jeffrey! Jeffrey! Somebody! Jeffrey, say something!","Julia: Can you hear me? Jeffrey?","Host: Doctor, he's not moving.","Enter the CBI.","Lisbon: Anything from the deputy coroner?","Rigsby: Just that he can't tell us anything yet.","Lisbon: Tell him we need to know. If this guy died of natural causes, we're going home.","Jane: Why so grumpy?","Lisbon: I'm not.","Rigsby: Why are we here? We don't even know if it's a murder.","Lisbon: One of the chefs called her daddy who's a state senator, who called the AG, who called the assistant AG, who called me. So we're here. I hate politics.","Cho: This might go quick. Victim had a fistfight with the event organizer.","Jane: Happy days.","Bertram: I want to be very clear. What happened was sheerest accident. I did nothing wrong.","Lisbon: Let's just stick to the facts, Mr. Duesterberg. You said you had a fight with the victim. About what?","Bertram: Truffles.","Lisbon: Truffles?","Jane: Yes. They- they're very pricey fungus.","Lisbon: I know what a truffle is.","Bertram: Uh, Jeffrey ordered a bundle and he paid for them himself. A few hours before the competition, he couldn't find them. He demanded replacements, which would have cost thousands. I said no. He started yelling and then shoving. Naturally, I defended myself.","Jane: Very gently, of course.","Lisbon: And then he... fell on his head? Something like that?","Bertram: It's as I said it wa- it was an accident.","Lisbon: Oh, we'll see.","Jane: Jeffrey sounds like a scrapper. Quick with his fists?","Bertram: No, not really. He was- he was a genius. Genius can be noisy. But he- he's never laid hands on me before.","Jane: Genius, really? Hmm.","Rigsby arrives with a dish.","Rigsby: Hey, is he good for it?","Cho: Not sure yet. What's that?","Rigsby: I don't know. Some hors d'oeuvre thing they're handing out. Want one?","Cho: No, thanks. I don't eat anything I can't identify.","Jane: Excuse me. Is this the victim's dish?","Bertram: Yes.","Jane: Mmm. Mnh-mnh. Excuse me. Pardon. No genius there. Way too much salt. Hmm. Dr. Steiner. Long time. New threads. Sharp.","Dr. Steiner: Yes. The move from Sacramento has been quite pleasant. Fine wine, lovely weather, no Patrick Jane... Or so I hoped.","Jane: Cheeky. Have you checked his mouth?","Dr. Steiner: For a possible head injury? I don't think so.","Jane: Don't be alarmed, I am going to touch you.","Dr. Steiner: Mr. Jane, please, I am in the-","Jane: Yuck. Lisbon!","Lisbon: Excuse me.","Dr. Steiner: What- what made you think to look there?","Jane: Well, bad-tasting food means bad taste buds.","Lisbon: So much for the head wound. Duesterberg's off the hook. He didn't die from a fall. Let's huddle together, divvy up the interviews.","Cho: What did kill him?","Jane: Poison.","Later, Westing Resort","Lisbon: Deputy coroner says that the poison is probably ricin. Victim either ate it or drank it.","Rigsby: Well, it makes sense. If it was airborne, people would be dropping like flies.","Cho: And ricin's easy enough to make. Grind up some castor beans. Makes for a broad suspect pool.","Lisbon: They tested the victim's food. There's no sign of it there or in the kitchen.","Rigsby: And ricin takes hours to work. Must've been something he ingested a while ago.","Lisbon: No need to get your stomach pumped then, huh?","Rigsby: Ha, funny.","Lisbon: You search the room. Test any liquid or food that you find.","Rigsby: Yeah, you got it.","Cho: Thanks. The victim's wife just arrived.","Lisbon: I'll handle it. You talk to the other chefs. Duesterberg says that the winner of the contest gets 100 grand.","[Cho leaves ans Jane arrives.]","Lisbon: What are you doing?","Jane: Oh, um... Trying to get the taste of salty food out of my mouth. Pot de creme. It's basically a pretentious chocolate pudding. Very nice. You want some?","Lisbon: No. We have to go and talk to the victim's wife.","Jane: Mmm. Well, maybe she'll want some. Comfort food.","Cho talks to the other chefs in the kitchen.","Arliss: Jeffrey was a dear friend. We'd known each other for years.","Julia: Which is why I had my father bring you on.","Cho: We want to find out who did this. Interesting that you called us in before anyone knew it was poison. You know something everyone else didn't?","Julia: No, I just knew that something was wrong.","Cho: Now you're all in competition for a large cash prize. Helps that one of you is dead, doesn't it?","Julia: Helps?","Arliss: We eat together. We work together. We're comrades.","Cho: Something to add, Miss Diaz?","Hannah: Dude, if we're all such comrades, why'd you try and steal Jeff's sous-chef?","Arliss: Not true. Inquiries were made, that's all.","Hannah: Yeah, right.","Cho: How'd you feel about the victim?","Hannah: I hated his guts. Egotistical, manipulative, maybe half as good as he thought he was.","Julia: Which would still make him twice the chef that you are. Why don't you go get another tatoo?","Hannah: Bite me, Julia.","Cho: The delivery guy says he left Jeffrey's truffles on his station this morning, then they vanished. So who stole the truffles?","Adrien: Well, stealing truffles makes one of us a murderer?","Cho: It's a start.","Adrien: Oh. What?","Julia: That is exactly the kind of thing that he would do.","Arliss: He and Jeffrey never really got along.","Adrien: You fat b*st*rd.","Cho: And truffles are very expensive, aren't they? And you wouldn't throw them out. Where does he keep his food?","Julia: Down on the left side of the pantry.","Adrien: You know who would stop at nothing to win? Those two. Ask them about the book deal they've been chasing. A competition prize would help that, no? Ah, truffles. Okay, fine. Arrest me. But I didn't steal the truffles, okay? I rescued them from a terrible, terrible fate.","Cho: I see.","Lisbon and Jane talk to Barge's wife, Abigail.","Lisbon: Did Jeffrey have any problems that you knew about, personally or at work?","Abigail: Well, um... We were a problem. We're separated. I haven't spoken to Jeffrey in months.","Lisbon: What was the breakup about?","Abigail: Oh, god, what wasn't? Um... drinking, mostly.","Jane: Occupational disease for chefs. It's the pressure. It wants a release.","Abigail: That, and, um-","They're interrupted.","Kevin: Don't listen to her, whatever she says. She hates Jeff.","Lisbon: And you are?","Jane: Victim's brother. Cheekbones. Come on. You can see that.","Abigail: Uh, Kevin, why don't we talk later?","Kevin: Yeah, I-I don't think so, Abigail. My brother was a freakin' genius, all right? You think anybody in my family taught him how to cook? Please. He wanted to be a great chef, and that's what he was. Did it all by himself. And you? You were perfectly happy to spend his money, weren't you, Abigail?","Jane: Your brother was a great man. He elevated himself, didn't he? But you didn't. That must've been cause for some friction, I would think. Did he leave you anything- your brother? Or did he leave it all to the hated sister-in-law? The money, the restaurant-","Kevin: Why don't you step back?","Abigail: Kevin, that's enough, all right?","Kevin: No, you don't tell me what to do, okay?","Abigail: As you can see, drinking- it runs in the family.","Kevin: Oh, s-see, that's how wrong you are, actually. Jeff was sober. He was in the program for two weeks.","Abigail: Right. I've heard that before. It's probably why he called.","Lisbon: You said you hadn't talked to him.","Abigail: I- I didn't talk.","Jane: Whoa. Two weeks sober. That's impressive. And what else are you hiding from us?","Abigail: Look, he called last night at 12:30. I hung up.","Lisbon: What'd he say?","Abigail: He said... He said he was sorry.","In the victim's room.","Jane: Hey.","Rigsby: Test for ricin. \"Yellow\" means positive, \"Nothing\" means... Nothing.","Jane: This place is quite a mess.","Rigsby: What do you think the intruder wanted?","Jane: Nobody was looking for anything. Jeffrey did this himself.","Rigsby: And you know this, how?","Jane: The punched-in mirror is an act of self-hatred. Plus, all these drawers are closed. A thoughtful ransacker would close maybe one, but all of them? No.","Rigsby: Anyway... Room's eared. No poison. We're moving on. That's nice. Except you're not. What's up?","Jane: Well, Jeffrey was recently sober, but acting erratically. Demolishing his room, picking fistfights, calling his estranged wife in the middle of the night- You know what that's called?","Rigsby: Relapse?","Jane: Yes. And an addict on a relapse will hide his stash. Ah. What better way to poison a drunk than through his drink?","Rigsby: Let's check it out.","Jane: Let's.","Rigsby: There we go.","Jane: Hold the applause.","Rigsby: Bingo.","Westing resort","Jane shows the chefs the poisoned gin.","Jane: Poison gin. A smart way to eliminate a rival. But not the act of a gentleman, is it... monsieur Ludo?","Adrien: Are you joking?","Jane: Rigsby, take him in.","Adrien: This is not right. I have done nothing. I have done nothing.","Jane: Hang on. Come on, let's- she's the one we need to talk to.","Hannah: Me? Wh-","Jane: You should've seen your reaction when I accused Ludo- Pure relief. Oh, come on, please. At least attempt denying it.","Hannah: I didn't do it.","Jane: She's the one. Thank you. Merci.","CBI HQ","Cho interrogates Hannah.","Hannah: Why would I want to kill Jeffrey?","Cho: Winning a contest like this would do a lot for a young woman trying to prove herself.","Hannah: I don't have anything to prove.","Cho: You're a good cook. Making ricin out of castor beans wouldn't be hard, would it?","Hannah: No. But I didn't.","Cho: Take a look at this Hannah. That's your credit card statement. You bought gin.","Hannah: I'm over 21. It's not a crime.","Cho: You just happened to buy yourself the same type of gin we found in the victim's room?","Hannah: Look, can I go or what? I-","Cho: Hannah, we have enough to charge you with murder right now. You need to talk to us, tell us your side of the story.","Hannah: I'm 28. I run my own kitchen. I don't have any... food channel connections, no cookbook with my name on it. The westing is my way up. Jeffrey was the one to beat. We all knew it. So I figured... Get him a drink. Why not? Level the playing field. So, yeah, I bought him the gin. But I have no idea how the ricin got in there.","Cho: Okay.","Hannah: I just tried to get him drunk, that's all. No poison.","Lisbon: Without anything else, we can't hold her. What do you got?","Van Pelt: Jeffrey's phone records. Confirmed the call with his wife.","Lisbon: How long did they talk?","Van Pelt: About five seconds. Guess she did hang up. But there's a second call at 2:00 a. m. That one lasted over an hour.","Lisbon: Who'd he call?","Van Pelt: His restaurant.","Jeff's restaurant","Lisbon: Miss Barge, you have a minute?","Abigail: Yeah, sure. What's up?","Jane: Money troubles?","Abigail: How'd you guess?","Jane: Well, it's a restaurant. They always have money troubles.","Abigail: Well, this restaurant's drowning in debt. Jeffrey was driving this place off a cliff.","Eliza: It was all about the food.","Abigail: This is Eliza Greene- Jeffrey's sous-chef. She's keeping things afloat while I get my bearings... Now that I own a failing restaurant.","Eliza: Oh, sorry. Um, people would say that the place is failing, and, uh, Jeffrey would say, \"Yes, but failing with style.\"","Jane: Eliza, you're the one the others wanted to hire. You must be very good.","Eliza: I guess. I wouldn't know.","Jane: False modesty?","Lisbon: Jeffrey called the restaurant last night at 2:00 a. m. Do you know who he spoke to?","Eliza: Me. Oh, uh, he was considering changing the menu for the contest, wanted to talk about it.","Lisbon: Couldn't that have waited till the morning?","Eliza: That was just Jeff being Jeff. He was always after perfection.","Jane: Irritating, getting a phone call like that when you're on your way home from work, isn't it?","Eliza: Not at all. If you want to make something great, that's the job.","Abigail: You know, you should really get these, uh, deposits posted, or the checks are gonna bounce.","Lisbon: Thanks for your time.","Jane: Thank you.","Abigail: Night.","Jane: Bye.","Outside","Lisbon: Where are my keys? You picked my pocket?","Jane: My turn to drive.","Lisbon: Jane!","Jane: Oh, don't be such an old lady. Get in. Your fears are groundless.","Lisbon: You're right. The car has air bags.","Jane and Lisbon are in their car when they see Eliza leave the restaurant with the nightly deposits. Then a man with a mask knocks her down and grabs the bag and takes off running. He runs down the sidewalk next to their car.","Jane: Oh, no. Oh, bad move. Oh.","Lisbon takes him out with a well-opened car door.","Lisbon: The victim's brother?","Jane: Kevin. Oh, I can't tell you how happy I am that wasn't my car.","CBI HQ","Kevin: You're out of your freakin' mind. I would never, ever harm my brother, ever.","Lisbon: You assaulted and robbed a girl, Kevin, who ran your brother's restaurant. You don't think that makes you a little suspicious?","Kevin: That had nothing to do with what happened to Jeff.","Lisbon: I don't believe you.","Kevin: I can tell you why I went after the money, all right, but I'm gonna need some guarantees.","Lisbon: Oh, so we're negotiating now, are we?","Kevin: I have valuable information. I can help you solve Jeff's murder.","Lisbon: But you're not gonna tell us anything unless we cut you a deal? We're talking about your brother here, Kevin. That's pretty low. You know what? You're going to jail. You'll have plenty of time to think about how you could've done things differently.","Kevin: Wait. Sean Horlick. Jeff owed him money. He needed it for the restaurant. Guy's a loan shark. I actually put them in touch five months ago. I get a call yesterday from Horlick, and he says unless I want to end up like Jeff, I'd better get him the money he owed.","Lisbon: So you rob your dead brother's wife?","Kevin: She was always trying to turn Jeff against me. Said I was a bad influence or somethin'.","Lisbon: Imagine that, huh? Crazy.","Kevin: I knew their deposit schedule, and they don't keep a gun. I figured she screwed me before, I screw her back.","Lisbon: Sean Horlick. What else do you know about him?","Van Pelt: Fraud, racketeering, extortion, couple of violent crimes sprinkled in. Charges never seem to stick. Horlick's smart.","Lisbon: Track him down. Take Rigsby.","Van Pelt: Okay.","Lisbon: Cho, look into Jeffrey's restaurant- The financial records, see who else he owed money to.","Jane: I'll come with. I'm a mite peckish.","Cho: What does that mean?","Jane: It means I'm hungry.","Jane, Cho and Rigsby go to Jeff's restaurant.","Cho looks over the books.","Cho: I can't read this. No?","Eliza: Oh, that says, \"March '09 accounts payable.\"","Jane tries Eliza's food.","Jane: Oh! Hmm? This- this is just ridiculous. This is delicious.","Eliza: Thank you. Let's hope you can keep the quality up wth the new boss. Abigail seems more concerned about the money than the menu.","Jane: Won't be a problem, I promise.","Eliza tries a new dish.","Eliza: For god's sake. Did you try this?","Jane: You don't like Abigail much, do you?","Eliza: Do it over.","Jane: You're obviously very talented. You should've struck out on your own a long time ago, unless there was some reason to stay.","Eliza: I did try to strike out on my own, actually, couple months ago.","Jane: Failed with style?","Eliza: I wish. State wouldn't grant me my liquor license. No license, no investors, so... Luckily, Jeffrey took me back again.","Jane: So why not hook up with him? He was separated, available.","Eliza: I've never liked waiting in lines. Excuse me. I've got prep work to do.","Jane: Thanks for lunch.","Eliza: Uh-huh.","Cho: I didn't see any other loans on the books. It's a good thing. Jeffrey wasn't even taking a salary the last few months.","Jane: He wasn't? Hmm. We're gonna have to make a stop on the way back.","Van Pelt and Rigsby visit Horlick at his medical marijuana dispensary.","Rigsby: Huh. Magic brownies.","Van Pelt: This is more... clean-cut than I'd expected.","Rigsby: Yeah, medical pot- it's a growth industry.","Salesperson: First timers, huh? I'll tell you the same thing I tell all the newbies- Go for today's specials. Sure, they're a couple bucks more, but between you and me and the wall, it's the freshest herb we got. Plus it's locally grown. Who doesn't wanna support local formers?","Van Pelt: CBI. Where's your boss?","Salesperson: Uh... Mr. Horlick? I couldn't say. But, uh, our permits are all up to date by the book, 100%.","Rigsby: Well, Mr. Horlick's a suspect in a murder investigation, Josh, so you if you know where he is, you should tell us right now.","Sean: Is, uh, there a problem here?","Rigsby: We're here about Jeffrey Barge.","Sean: Who? Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Jeff. Sure. Sure. What about him?","Rigsby: Jeffrey died yesterday.","Sean: Yeah. Yeah, I know. I saw that on the news. Wow. Heavy. I mean, boom, he's here. He's gone. And how about that? Life, huh?","Van Pelt: We know you lent him money, Mr. Horlick.","Sean: Well, how do you know that? I mean, who says?","Van Pelt: I'll take that as a \"Yes.\"","Sean: Frosty one, aren't we? I like it.","Rigsby: You like jail, too? Yeah, that's right. Kevin told us everything. It's about time you did as well.","Sean: Fine. I called him about the money. Obviously, he drew some sinister and incorrect implications brom our conversation, but it was all a big misunderstanding. Chalk it up to my- my poor communication skills.","Van Pelt: I think you communicate very well.","Rigsby: Yes, you do. You have \"sleazebag\" written across your forehead in big letters.","Sean: Why would I kill Jeff? You don't off someone who can pay you back. I mean, the guy practically lived at the Ritz.","Rigsby: What are you talking about? Jeff was broke.","Sean: Yeah, that's what he wanted me to think, too. But I got a buddy who works security at the hotel. He saw the deadbeat staying there a bunch of times. You don't stay there unless your pockets are padded. I'd like to take you sometime, thaw you out a little bit.","Van Pelt: Yeah, that'll happen.","[SCENE_BREAK]","CBI HQ","Van Pelt: We got something.","Rigsby: Jeffrey stayed at the Ritz over a dozen times in the past two months, paid in cash every time.","Lisbon: Looks like an affair. But Jeffrey and his wife lived separate lives. Why would he care if there was a record of it?","Van Pelt: Maybe his partner cared.","Lisbon: Because she's married.","Rigsby: She had the money. She paid for the room, but she paid in cash so her husband wouldn't find out.","Lisbon: Keep digging. Find out who the woman was.","Westing resort","Back at the competition, Jane wanders around the kitchen bothering the chefs.","Jane: Mmm. Next round's tomorrow, huh? Keep workin'. You'll get there.","Adrien: Merci beaucoup.","Jane: Careful, careful. Oh, that smells good. What is that?","Julia: Knock yourself out. It's not for the competition. It's my lunch.","Arliss: I'd advise against that.","Julia: Don't listen to him. He's a coward.","Jane: Is he?","Julia: It's the Red Savina pepper. It's kinda spicy.","Arliss: Kind of? It's the hottest pepper known to man. Trust me. Leave it alone.","Julia: It's good on everything- meat, fruit, soups. Not that any of the people would know. Babies.","Jane: Well, I'd love a little try of that. Thank you-","Bertram: Mr. Jane, our chefs are extremely busy. Would you mind coming back another time?","Jane: You're quite the ghoul, aren't you, Duesterberg? Dragging on this meaningless contest after a man has been killed.","Bertram: This contest, Mr. Jane, is an affirmation of life. It's a testament that appetite still exists, even in the face of death.","Jane: And you need the money.","Bertram: Time for you to go.","Jane: Fine. I have all the information I need, thank you very much.","Adrien: He lies. He hasn't asked one single question.","Jane: Why would I? I can learn everything I need to learn from watching you all cook. You, for example, use lemon to the point of excess- Tart, aggressive flavors, sublimated agression toward an important figure in your life. Obviously, you're a daddy's girl, so I'm gonna go with mother. No, let me correct that... stepmother. Ludo! You were adopted... no?","Adrien: No. I wasn't.","Jane: Took a shot. Moving on. You were having an affair with Jeffrey. Weren't you?","Julia: What?","Bertram: You can tell all this by the food?","Jane: Well, they cooked together every day, yet their kitchen rhythms are off. They're bashing into each other, getting in each other's way. You're not paying enough attention to her, Arliss. No wonder she strayed.","Arliss: That's nonsense.","Jane: Really? Then why did your wife have her father put the state's best police force on this case? Look at her, Arliss. She's made no attempt- no attempt at all to deny it.","Arliss: Is it true?","Rigsby arrives.","Rigsby: So I take it you know about Julia's affair with the victim now.","Jane: Oh, roger that.","CBI HQ","Julia: Jeff and I got together about five months ago, after he separated from his wife.","Jane: But he ended it.","Julia: Yes.","Lisbon: When?","Julia: The night before he died. I went to his room at the resort. He was drunk. I thought he was trying to get sober, but I guess not that night. Jeff didn't handle stress well.","Lisbon: Must have made you angry.","Julia: No. I accepted it. I loved him. But he was a drunk. Better left alone.","Lisbon: Wise of you.","Julia: I asked for a glass of water.","Lisbon: I'm sure it'll be here in a minute.","Julia: You think I'm entitled and snippy and rich. My father's a senator. I don't have to take crap from people like you.","Lisbon: I'm just trying to figure out who killed Jeffrey Barge, that's all.","Julia: I didn't kill him.","Lisbon: I don't believe you, Julia, not yet.","Julia: I really need that glass of water.","Jane: I'll get it.","Lisbon: We still have a few more questions for you.","Jane: Lisbon! 9-1-1.","Lisbon: Julia? Julia? Julia. Can you hear me? Are you on medication?","Jane: Come on. Answer.","Lisbon: Julia?","Lisbon nervously straightens her desk while on the phone with someone.","Lisbon [phone]: Yes. Uh-huh. I know. Yes. Mr. Attorney general, sir, I... I-I understand completely. I will.","Rigsby: She's straightening. She's straightening her desk.","Lisbon [phone]: Absolutely.","Van Pelt: Coroner's office says it was ricin poisoning, uh, just like Jeffrey. Guess they were both poisoned at the hotel. Oh, crap. Is she straightening?","Rigsby: Victim was a senator's daughter. AG must be livid.","Van Pelt: Ugh. It's not our fault. Ricin takes hours to kick in.","Rigsby: Yeah, tell it to the AG.","Van Pelt: What's going on with the search?","Cho: Local sheriff's working on it, taking every food and liquid off the resort to be tested.","Rigsby: Resort, the contest- it's all been shut down.","Lisbon: News flash- the AG wants this case closed now. Well, we've got two dead married lovers.","Cho: I'd say the killer's a spouse.","Lisbon: Let's start with that.","Cho and Rigsby go talk to Julia's widow, Arliss.","Cho: There he is.","Arliss: [phone] Cinnamon, sage and coriander, a squeeze of lemon, then butter. No, no garlic. Not at all. Ciao. Idiot.","Rigsby: Your wife just died, and you're talking about recipes?","Arliss: What would you have me do?","Cho: Sir, we'd like to discuss your wife's estate.","Arliss: Yes. Sorry. Idiots. Garlic. So Julia had money. So what?","Rigsby: Well, you stand to inherit all of it, isn't that right?","Arliss: Yes. So?","Cho: Your wife and her lover are now both dead, killed the same way. That makes you our number one guy.","Arliss: Or number two, I'd say. Have you talked to Abigail yet?","Rigsby: Why?","Arliss: Ask her about the fight she and Jeffrey had at the Fairplex market two weeks ago. It was quite a scene.","Rigsby: You didn't think to mention this earlier?","Arliss: Interrogation focuses the mind. What can I say?","Cho: Except you're lying. Jeffrey hadn't seen his wife in months.","Arliss: If Abigail said that, she's the liar.","Jeff's restaurant","Lisbon and Jane talk to Abigail.","Lisbon: The market clerk confirmed the story. You were in contact with Jeff, and you were fighting.","Abigail: I did not kill Jeffrey, if that's what you're getting at. I didn't even know about this thing with Julia.","Lisbon: What were you fighting about?","Jane: You've really changed your look, Abigail. Haven't you? Not that you don't look lovely now. It's just this old look, uh, accentuated your assets.","Abigail: My husband just died, okay?","Jane: You're still putting in time with the makeup though, I see. So appearance is important to you.","Lisbon: What are you getting at?","Jane: She's put on 5 or 6 pounds, doesn't fit into the sleek outfits anymore, so she wears this. She's pregnant. Congratulations. First trimester. Jeff's child, right? Right?","Abigail: A few months ago, he came by to pick up some stuff. Things happened. And two weeks ago, I took a pregnancy test.","Jane: How did he take the news of impending fatherhood? Oh. Okay.","Lisbon: That's what you were fighting about.","Abigail: I don't know why I didn't tell you. I've been, uh... confused. My parents don't even know.","Lisbon: Do us a favor, Abigail. We're gonna need to search your house. Save us all some time and grant us permission.","She gives them permission to search her house.","Jane: Did you know a full-grown \u00e9l\u00e9phant can eat up to 495 pounds of food per day?","Lisbon: Could you at least pretend to be helping?","Cho: Got somethin'. Found this in the garage.","Lisbon: Nice work.","Jane: And we care about a bag of beans why?","Lisbon: Castor beans. They're used to make ricin.","Jane: Ah, of course. Naughty Abigail.","CBI HQ","Lisbon: We found traces of ricin in Julia's favorite red pepper. Her death was not accidental. Both her and your husband were specifically targeted. Together with the castor beans we found, it's not looking good for you.","Lawyer: My client denies any involvement in these killings. She bore no malice towards her husband or Ms. St. Germain.","Lisbon: No malice toward her alcoolique and fiscally irresponsible husband and his lover?","Lawyer: She was not aware of that relationship, nor did she ever set foot in that resort.","Lisbon: Which you can't prove.","Abigail: I didn't do this-","Cho: Then how do you explain the castor beans in your house?","Lawyer: She had no knowledge of them.","Cho: That's convenient.","Lawyer: This is a grieving widow- a pregnant, grieving widow. You think that a jury is going to convict on this circumstantial traif?","Lisbon: We can make this stick, and you know it. Believe me, you will feel much better if you-[Lisbon's phone rings.] Would you excuse me? [on phone] What? You're where?","Westing resort","Lisbon joins Jane.","Lisbon: What emergency?","Jane: Follow me.","Lisbon: Jane, I don't really have time for this. I was working on getting a confession.","Jane: This is far more important.","Lisbon: What is?","Bertram: Agents, welcome. It's such a relief to know that the killer has been caught.","Jane: Just doing our job.","Bertram: And thank you for coming to this little memorial dinner.","Lisbon: Dinner?","Bertram: Honoring Jeffrey and Julia.","Lisbon: We're having dinner?","Jane: Gotta eat.","Bertram: I certainly hope you enjoy yourself. It should be delicious. Excuse me. Those serviettes are horrifying.","Lisbon: You have five seconds to tell me what's going on.","Jane: First, we need a drink.","Lisbon: Is it that bad?","Jane: It's lovely.","Jane wanders back into the kitchen.","Hannah: Not bad, Ludo. Can we get the bowls ready?","Jane: Hurry up, people.","Adrien: You shouldn't be here.","Jane: Yeah, you're probably right. You gonna make me leave? I hope not.","Hannah: Excuse me.","Jane: Oh, excuse me. I thought you'd be a little more grateful. I did just catch your friend's killer.","Hannah: We're grateful. Just a little busy.","Jane: Is that it? Oh, that smells good. Jane starts a grease fire as a distraction to load up a dish with fiery hot pepper polder.","Jane: Oh, oops! Whoa! Oops! Fire! Fire! Fire! Quick! Aah! Whoa! Aah! You know, I-I'm just gonna leave you guys with that. Around the table, Jane and Lisbon join the chefs to remember Jeff and Julia.","Bertram: All right, everyone, please. Lift your glass. To Jeffrey and Julia, friends, colleagues, Titans in the culinary world, you will not be soon forgotten. Salud.","Adrien: Cheers.","Jane: Cheers.","Hannah: To begin, we have a melon soup, prosciutto di Parma, mint and basil.","Adrien: A reinterpretation of one of Julia's specialites. Bon app\u00e9tit.","Jane: Thank you. Come on. Don't let your midwestern taste buds hold you back.","Bertram: Oh, chef. What is this spice?","Hannah: Spice?","Bertram: I like a little heat, but this is overpowering.","Hannah: We didn't add any heat.","Jane: Whew! That would be me. Sorry. Fire! Fire! The Red Savina pepper- ah, I got it from Julia's pantry. I thought it would be appropriate, and I'm just mad for heat, so... Obviously, I was a little heavy-handed. My- my apologies. What's the trouble, Eliza?","Eliza: I don't, um... I don't feel well. I should go.","Lisbon: What's the problem?","Eliza: Uh, the peppers- it didn't go down well.","Lisbon: The pepper? What's wrong with the pepper? If you don't wanna talk about it here, we can take it down to headquarters.","Jane: How long can we keep her there?","Lisbon: 48 hours.","Jane: Wow, that's a stretch of time.","Eliza: I have to leave. I have to leave right now.","Jane: No, that would be rude. I don't think so.","Bertram: What is wrong with you?","Eliza: We all... have to go to the hospital right now.","Hannah: What for?","Eliza: The pepper... I think it was poisoned. I- I-I saw Ludo put something into it.","Adrien: I did not. How dare you!","Jane: Maybe you're just cramping a little? Just a little-","Eliza: All right, all right. I poisoned Julia's pepper.","Lisbon: And Jeffrey's gin.","Eliza: Yes, yes! Just bring me to a hospital.","Jane: No, hospitals are terrible germ factories. You don't wanna go there.","Eliza: Are you insane?!","Lisbon: Relax. We knew about the ricin in the pepper. We just didn't know who put it there.","Bertram: I don't understand. Are we poisoned?","Jane: No. I switched the peppers. Clever of me.","CBI HQ","Jane: Okay, so we know that your restaurant didn't fail, Eliza. Jeffrey and Julia- they killed it. We did some digging on Julia's father.","Lisbon: He's the one who squashed your liquor license.","Jane: Jeffrey was a drunk. He needed you in his kitchen, so he asked his if he could have her big, powerful daddy do her a favor. He didn't call you that night to talk about recipes, did he? He called to apologize for sabotaging your liquor license, for ruining any chance you had at opening your own place.","Flash back","Jeffrey's room","Jeffrey: [phone] But I... I am trying to become a better man. I am.","CBI HQ","Jane: He told you what he did, and then you... decided to take your revenge.","Lisbon: So you got some castor beans, mixed up a batch of ricin and went to the resort to find him.","Eliza: Yeah. I went to his room.","Flash back","Jeffrey's room","Eliza: Oh, Jeff. I accept your apology.","Jeff: Let me just... wash up.","CBI HQ","Eliza: He was such a fool. Like I was gonna let that go? Like we were just gonna make up and all be friends again? That's... ridiculous.","Lisbon: And then you went to the pantry and, uh, you found Julia's pepper and you dosed that, too.","Eliza: One time I was cleaning shrimp for Jeffrey. There were, like, 40 pounds of it, and it was still half frozen, but that was the job. I couldn't feel my hands. It was so cold. I realized I was cutting the flesh off my own fingers. Carving it off. And I didn't mind... Because Jeffrey had a vision. I had a vision. And he said, \"Go, babe. You deserve your own place.\" But he was lying. Him and his... rich bitch girlfriend. Like I was gonna let that go. He said, \"I'm sorry.\" \"I'm sorry.\" \"I'm sorry\"? What good is that?","Abigail confronts Lisbon.","Abigail: Agent Lisbon. A word?","Lisbon: How can I help you?","Abigail: You framed me. You put those castor beans in my house, didn't you?","Lisbon: Ma'am, on my word of honor, I did not know that those beans were planted. Mr. Jane was responsible. I should've known. I should've stopped him, and I didn't, and for that, I am really sorry.","Abigail: Why?","Lisbon: He thought in order to catch the killer, that somebody else had to be suspected of the crime. He's probably right. I know you must be angry.","Abigail: Trying to leave the anger behind. Though that's pretty much impossible, isn't it?","Lisbon: It's hard.","Abigail: Anyway, thank you for being honest with me. Tell Mr. Jane he's a mean, irresponsible sadist.","Lisbon: Oh, I will. Ms. Barge? Living with an alcoholic is hard. Some never change. They don't even want to. But your husband checked into treatment two weeks ago right after you told him about the baby. I think he wanted to be there for you and your child. That's why he ended the relationship with Julia. For what it's worth, it seemed like he wanted to change.","Abigail: Thank you.","Lisbon enters in her office.","Lisbon: It's okay. She's gone.","Jane: Who's gone?","Lisbon: Oh, please. Your guilty conscience is obvious and well deserved.","Jane: Meh. Justice can be a harsh mistress. Omelets and eggs, ends to means, all's well that ends well.","Lisbon: A glib answer's no excuse. Oh, and Abigail said to tell you that you are a mean, irresponsible sadist.","Jane: Well, that's pretty accurate. You okay? No point denying it to me.","Lisbon: I'm fine.","Jane: Okay. Good night."],"Show Title":"The Mentalist","Episode Number":"02x15","Episode Title":"Red Herring","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_O.C._01x04.json","Recap":["Now that Ryan is staying with the Cohens, he must attend the Cotillion Ball , where Newport's finest young ladies enter society. Luke's jealousy results in Ryan escorting Marissa. Jimmy becomes a suspect of a fraud investigation and Holly's dad decides to confront him at the Ball in front of everyone."],"Transcript":["Scenes from the last episode.","TEASER","Seth and Ryan are sitting on the couch playing some video game.","Seth: (while absorbed with the game) Oh. Oh. (chuckles) Oh really? You think so?","Ryan: I do.","Seth: Well, we'll see about that, Monkey Pox.","On the TV: Player 1 wins. Seth sighs dramatically as Ryan looks at him smugly.","Seth: So the pupil has become the teacher. Kirsten and Sandy walk in together. They are both dressed very nicely.","Sandy: Hey guys!","Ryan : Hey.","Seth: (unenthusiastically) Who died?","Kirsten: Seth, we need to talk to Ryan. Seth and Ryan look a little guilty.","Seth: Okay. If this has to do with the rug though, I just want to tell you that Ryan had nothing to do with it.","Kirsten: (looking down at the rug) What about the rug?","Seth: I'm gonna go now. (leaves the room quickly as Kirsten is still looking at the rug) Sandy sits down on a chair, while Kirsten stands next to him. Ryan puts down the controller that he's still holding.","Sandy: So, Kirsten and I went to child services this morning. And we told them that, uh, that we want you to stay with us. (Ryan looks very hopeful) But there's a catch. Because you're a minor, the only way they'll allow that to happen is if we assume all legal responsibility for you.","Ryan: I can't ask you guys to do that.","Sandy: Well, you don't have to. We're asking you.","Kirsten: We've all talked about it. And we want to be your legal guardians. We want you to be part of the family. If you want to be...","Ryan: (looking a little uncertain) What if it doesn't work? Pause.","Kirsten: Well, how do you mean?","Ryan: Well... what if something happens and... and you guys change your mind.","Sandy: Like what? You steal a car? You burn down a house? You beat up the captain of the water polo team? (both Sandy and Kirsten smile) Those ships have sailed, my friend.","Kirsten: You just have to promise us you'll stay out of trouble. From now on... no more fights.","Sandy: You're still on probation. And child services will be up our ass all the time.","Ryan: (looking very grateful) No more trouble. I promise. Kirsten and Sandy smile at each other.","Sandy: Well. (Ryan and Sandy stand up; Sandy extends his hand out to Ryan) Welcome to the family. Ryan and Sandy shake hands.","Ryan: Thanks, guys Kirsten hugs him a little awkwardly, but with a big smile. Ryan looks as though he's about to cry.","Kirsten: (loudly) Okay, Seth. You can come out now. (laughs) Seth pops his head around the corner with a huge grin on his face.","Ryan: You knew about this and didn't say anything.","Seth: (shrugging) I didn't want to jinx it. Ryan nods a little. They do one of those 'cool' handshakes.","Seth: Dude. You're a Cohen now. Welcome to a life of insecurity and... paralysing self-doubt.","Ryan: Yeah. (takes a deep breath) Now, all I have to do is... stay out of trouble.","Seth: (nodding) Yeah, that could be... difficult.","[Opening credits]","SCENE 1","Kirsten, Seth and Ryan walk into the pool house. Kirsten is carrying a brown paper bag.","Kirsten: You're going to need bedding. And towels. Oh, how's the bed, Ryan? Is it comfortable? Seth jumps on the bed and bounces up and down on it.","Ryan: Yeah, it's - Huh. It's fine. It's great.","Kirsten: (looking a little uncomfortable) We really want you to have your privacy, but this is a pool house - it needs a little warmth. You're going to need chairs, and a desk and a... bookshelf.","Seth: Plasma flat screen, a couple of turntables, minibar -","Kirsten: (gesturing at a linen shelf) And we should clean all this out, so that you have room for some of your... Right, you don't have any stuff. Which means we have to go shopping for clothes and shoes and underpants...","Seth: Mom! Don't say underpants.","Ryan: I've got everything I need. Really.","Kirsten: I bet you don't have a tux. Cause you're going to need one.","Ryan: For what?","Kirsten: For cotillion.","Cut to the front of the club. Kirsten, Ryan and Seth are stepping out of a black SUV.","Kirsten: It's the annual debutant ball. It's Newport's biggest event.","Seth: Until whatever's next week.","Kirsten: It's the day when Newport's most accomplished young women make their formal debut into society.","Seth: Or another excuse for them to get wasted and throw up on themselves.","Kirsten: Hey. I was a deb. I made my debut at this very country club not so many years ago.","Seth: The year was -","Kirsten: Hey! They enter the club.","Ryan: You know what. Maybe I should skip it.","Kirsten: You have to go. It's a family tradition and you're part of the family.","Peggy: Hello! Kirsten and Peggy do that kissing the air thing.","Kirsten: Hi, Peggy. Mwah. How are you?","Peggy: I'm good.","Kirsten: And how's it going?","Peggy: It'll be fine. Oh, the fitting area's back there. (she points 'back there')","Kirsten: Thank you. Come on, boys. It'll be fun. They walk towards 'back there.' Seth makes a 'riiiight' face, while Ryan just looks apprehensive.","SCENE 2","The Cohen house. Sandy's black SUV is pulling into the driveway, his surfboard sticking out the back. Sandy gets out of the car, throws his bag on the front steps, then goes to back and removes his swim gear.","Jimmy: Sandy!","Sandy: Hey, Jimmy. Jimmy walks up as Sandy is removing his board.","Jimmy: Got some surfing in, huh?","Sandy: Yep. Late court date. Gotta take advantage.","Jimmy: Nice to have hobbies. Look, uh... I know you're not thrilled with me. When I borrowed the money from Kirsten, I... should have... asked you. I wasn't - I wasn't going behind your back.","Sandy: Look, it's done. Let's move on.","Jimmy: I was, uh... I was afraid of what you'd think of me. (pause) Losing this much money as I have is, uh... not an impressive accomplishment. (looks very uncomfortable)","Sandy: How much money did you lose?","Jimmy: Ah. (waves it away) It's not important.","Sandy: (nods. Then shakes his head) How'd you lose it?","Jimmy: Look. The important thing is - is I don't know what Julie and I would do without friends like you and Kirsten. They shake hands.","Sandy: So everything's okay?","Jimmy: Oh yeah. Yeah. Thank you. (moves to leave)","Sandy: I'll see you around.","Jimmy: See ya! Sandy looks a little unconvinced.","SCENE 3","At the country club, in the back where they are doing fittings. Ryan is being dragged along by a guy with a measuring tape around his neck.","Guy: (pointing at a rack of suits) Okay. Pick whatever you want. We've got Gucci, Armani. (points somewhere else) Versace's over there. Ryan looks out of his element. He fingers the suits, walks forward then stops short when he sees Marissa. She's passing a piece of paper to a woman.","Marissa: Hi. Uhm. I'm picking up for Marissa Cooper?","Ryan: Hey.","Marissa: (turns and sees him) Hey. What are *you* doing here?","Ryan: I, uh. (gestures at guy with measuring tape) I had an appointment with my personal shopper.","Marissa: But I thought you said you were leaving. With your mom.","Ryan: It didn't really work out. So, I'm kind of living with the Cohens.","Marissa: For good?","Ryan: Is that... going to be a problem?","Marissa: No. No! It's great. I mean, I guess now we can be friends, right? Ryan looks uncomfortable. Marissa looks uncomfortable.","Summer: (walks up) Hey, Coop! (removing gloves) Oh, these gloves are giving me serious sausage arms. Summer and Marissa laugh. Luke is with her and walks up to put his arm around Marissa's shoulder, eyeing Ryan suspiciously.","Luke: (to Ryan) What are you still doing here? I thought you were going back to Chino?","Ryan: I had a change of plans.","Marissa: Ryan is living here now.","Luke: He's WHAT?","Ryan: Look. I'm not here to cause problems.","Kirsten: (walking up, looking concerned) Is everything all right? Marissa and Luke smile at Kirsten a little uncomfortably.","Luke: (to Marissa) I'll be in the truck. (starts leaving but not before sending Ryan one last 'look')","Marissa: Great.","Kirsten: Marissa. I was going to call you. Since you're lead deb, I - (turns behind) Seth! - I wanted to introduce you to a couple of white knights. In case any of your girls need a last minute escort.","Summer: (licentiously) Every girl needs a white knight. Ryan looks scared.","Seth: (sidling up) Seth Cohen, white knight.","Summer: (glances at Seth then focuses her attention on Ryan) So, uh, you'll be at the rehearsal.","Seth: (nods enthusiastically at Summer then Ryan) Yes. Absolutely.","Summer: (to Ryan) See you then. (drags Marissa away)","Marissa: Bye.","Seth: Cotillion ROCKS! Ryan doesn't exactly look like he agrees. In a fitting room. Marissa is sitting down on a chair while Summer is facing a mirror on the wall.","Marissa: You want me to fix you up with RYAN? I mean I thought you said he was a 'total psycho.' (she supplies the finger quotes)","Summer: (holding up a dress to herself) Well, that was before I got to know him.","Marissa: Wait. When did you get to know him.","Summer: Just now. Plus I'm into that whole brooding bad boy thing. He's wounded - I can save him.","Marissa: I mean have you really talked to him, though? Cause he's not really a bad boy.","Summer: Well, he will be by the time I get through with him. (exchanges the dress she's holding for the one on Marissa's lap) Marissa laughs weakly.","Summer: What? You're not like... into him are you? I mean, you're with Luke, right?","Marissa: (a little too quickly) Right.","Summer: Good.","SCENE 4","At Sandy's office. Sandy is sitting at his desk.","Steve: Sandy Cohen? Steve Pearlman from episode 101 enters the room.","Steve: I'm with the Securities and Exchange Commission Enforcement Division?","Sandy: (stands up) Okay.","Steve: (doesn't quite close the door, but shuts it a little) I was hoping you could help me out with a case that I'm investigating.","Sandy: Sure. What can I do for you?","Steve: Were you aware, Mr Cohen, that a cheque your wife made out to a James Cooper for one hundred thousand dollars was not treated as an investment but a direct deposit into his personal account?","Sandy: It wasn't an investment. It was a loan. My wife and Jimmy are old... (pauses) What's this about?","Steve: Do you know that Mr Cooper is currently the subject of an SEC fraud investigation?","Sandy: (softly) No. (things clicking in his brain) No, I didn't.","SCENE 5","At the Cohen house. Kirsten is walking into the house with Ryan and Seth behind her. They are all carrying bags.","Seth: Hey. White gloves (to Ryan) are ready for a comeback.","Kirsten: (walking into the kitchen, she sees Sandy pouring two glasses of red wine) Hey! What are you doing home?","Sandy: Fellas, do you mind?","Seth: Oh. Uh. If this is about the vase -","Sandy: Which vase?","Seth: Hm. (shakes his head) Nothing. Uh, let's go, Ryan. (jerks his head at Ryan) Come on, buddy. Seth and Ryan leave the room.","Kirsten: (walks up to Sandy, leans against the kitchen counter) What's going on? Sandy sets down one of the glasses in front of her. At the pool house, Seth is messing with his suit. Ryan walks in and dumps his suit on the bed.","Ryan: Okay. So... I think I'm not going to Cotillion.","Seth: (sitting on a chair reading a comic book) Yeah, okay. Except that you are.","Ryan: I made a promise to your parents that I'd stay out of trouble.","Seth: Yeah, it's a debutant ball. What kind of trouble can you get into?","Ryan: I don't know. Why don't you ask *Luke*?","Seth: (sets down his comic book on his lap) Ryan. We're white knights, okay. That means Marissa probably already has some sad, lonely girl all lined up for you to escort, so you can't just call and cancel at the last minute. That's a faux pas, buddy. Ryan sits down on the bed, looking not too happy.","Ryan: Would you call her?","Seth: (looking up from his comics) No. (closes the comic again) If you're going to bail on Marissa and some like poor, pathetic dateless girl, you're just going to have to do that one yourself. In the kitchen.","Kirsten: (looking upset) Are you sure?","Sandy: Well, according to these guys, Jimmy's been siphoning money out of his clients' accounts to cover his own debts.","Kirsten: (sits down on a chair, looks disbelieving) How could we not know something like this?","Sandy: Because. We trusted the guy. Everybody did. This entire community wrote him blank cheques and never asked any questions. *You* gave him a hundred grand!","Kirsten: It was just a loan.","Sandy: WHICH according to the SEC makes us worth investigating too.","Kirsten: (looking very upset, rests her forehead on her clasped hands) I'm going to be sick.","Sandy: (picks up the cordless and turns it on) I'm going to have to call our friends and let 'em know. Kirsten looks up immediately.","Kirsten: Sandy, wait. You're just going to panic people. Sandy scoffs.","Kirsten: Don't... do anything until I talk to him, okay?","Sandy: Put your personal feelings for this guy aside. Forget about your history -","Kirsten: He's one of my oldest friends. If it's true, I just need to hear it from him. Sandy turns off the cordless.","SCENE 6","At the Cooper house. Ryan is standing at the front door.","Marissa: I'm coming! She opens the door wearing a white dress.","Marissa: Hey! Ryan is stunned speechless by how good she looks.","Marissa: You're, uhm, at my house. (she grabs her top, it looks like it's loose)","Ryan: I, uh, well, I wanted to talk to you about Cotillion.","Marissa: Oh. Okay. Well, uhm, (tries looking at her own back) I was just trying this on and I can't seem to reach the-","Ryan: Did you want me to, uhm - I could. Do you want me to, uh -","Marissa: Yeah, you know, actually. (turns her back to him) If you wouldn't mind. He stares at her back for a good, long moment. She's wearing a bareback dress that has three horizontal straps holding the top together. The top strap is undone. He looks really uncomfortable and nervous as he attaches the strap.","Marissa: (turning back) Thanks. So, what's up with Cotillion?","Ryan: What time did you want me there? She's smiling. He looks shell-shocked.","SCENE 7","At the Cooper house. Inside Jimmy's study, he and Kirsten are talking.","Jimmy: I'm, I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to be dragged in like this.","Kirsten: How did this happen? I mean I understand a couple of bad investments, but theft -","Jimmy: (laughing) Theft? No, no, no!","Julie: Okay, honey. So we're going get - (stops short as she enters the room and sees Kirsten) Oh, Kirsten.","Kirsten: Julie.","Julie: Jimmy didn't tell me you were coming by.","Jimmy: She just stopped by to ask a quick... business question.","Julie: A quickie, huh?","Jimmy: (unimpressed) Julie.","Julie: I'm kidding! So, we're off. Kaitlin needs new shoes for Cotillion. Then we're test-driving the CLK. And then I have to re-up Marissa's tennis lessons at the club, so which credit card should I use?","Jimmy: (looking harassed) Uh, the Mastercard.","Julie: What about the Amex? Kirsten is watching this exchange with great interest.","Jimmy: Uh, no, don't use the Amex. We, uh, get the miles.","Julie: (softly) Okay. (leans forward to give Jimmy a quick kiss on the cheek, then turns to leave) You two have fun.","Jimmy: (when Julie's gone) Well, now that the how and why have been accounted for. Look. I - I was not... *stealing*, I was - I was *borrowing* to pay back my debts and then the market took a turn and you know, I, uh - there we are.","Kirsten: You were stealing.","Jimmy: I - I can't say no... to my family. I'll pay everything back. I just need that one stock. That one stock -","Kirsten: Jimmy, you need help.","Jimmy: (scoffs and looks defeated) Yeah, well, who's going to help me. (get up and turns away)","SCENE 8","At the club. Ryan and Seth are walking together.","Ryan: So, uh, what exactly happens at this rehearsal?","Seth: Just, uh, stupid Cotillion stuff. Bowing, Curtsying... They walk into a hall where people are dancing. Ryan grabs Seth's arm. Peggy (from Scene 1) is counting and dancing around a little while some young couples dance together stiffly.","Peggy: One two three. One two three. Try to enjoy this please. One two (continues in background)","Ryan: Dancing? You didn't tell me there was dancing.","Seth: Well, if I told you there's dancing, I would be here by myself right now.","Ryan: Because I really... don't... dance.","Seth: Uh huh. Nether do I. I just move well. (does a really weird dance, then whispers) I'll teach you that one. Huh? Maybe later. You ready? Ryan gives Seth a 'you're weird' look.","Marissa: (talking to some couple, holding a clipboard) Take your places. (walking over to where Seth and Ryan are sitting) Hey guys. So, can I introduce you to your debs?","Summer: (sidling up to Ryan from behind) We've... already met.","Marissa: Oh well, actually, Summer, Ryan's already been promised to someone else.","Summer: I can't believe this! You *gave* him to someone else? Who? Who's pathetic enough not to have a date the day before Cotillion?","Anna: (coming up from behind Marissa) Actually, at this point, that would be you.","Marissa: So, Anna Stern. This is Ryan Atwood. Guys, Anna just moved here from Pittsburgh.","Summer: Pittsburgh? Ew.","Anna: (looking a little uncomfortable) Can we just get this over with? Marissa looks proud of herself.","Seth: (to Ryan) Caliente. Ryan gets up and walks next to Marissa.","Marissa: Hey, it's not that bad.","Ryan: You haven't seen me dance. (grimaces)","Marissa: Well, I can help you. Ryan and Marissa head over to where Anna is (at the other end of the dance floor)","Summer: (shouting after Marissa) So, like, what am *I* supposed to do?","Seth: (coughs) Over here. Summer rolls her eyes. Seth starts whistling and swinging his legs.","Summer: Fine! Let's go.","Seth: (very excited) Are you sure? Because if, if, if you're not totally sure","Summer: Just! Don't. Talk to me.","Seth: All right. I get it. Our - Our connection is a little bit deeper than words. Summer looks nauseated.","Seth: That's it. I'm done. I'm sorry. A chockfull of quiet now. (offers his arms out to her meekly) Marissa is with Ryan and Anna.","Marissa: Okay. So you guys will be over here. (nudges Ryan onto the dance floor next to Anna) If you wanna go ahead and get into waltz position. (Anna and Ryan look completely lost) Which means Anna, you put your left hand on Ryan's shoulder. Anna places her palm on Ryan's shoulder.","Marissa: Uhm. No. Not like that. (nudges Anna aside and stands in front of Ryan) Here. Watch. (places her hand correct) Okay? Now, Ryan, you put your right hand on my back. Ryan places his hand on her shoulder blade.","Marissa: (laughs) Lower. He slides his hand down to her waist and they have a *long moment*.","Marissa: (looking suddenly uncomfortable) Okay. Good. Good. Luke walks up with a guy and Holly.","Luke: I'd be pretty jealous right now. (Ryan and Marissa are still in position, but turn to look at him) If Chino wasn't gay. The guy with Luke laughs. Marissa breaks out of Ryan's arms and gives Luke a look.","Luke: What? No. It doesn't bother me. I mean he's born that way right.","Ryan: (softly to Marissa, without looking at Luke) Thanks. I can take it from here.","Marissa: Okay. (gestures for Anna to return) Ryan watches Marissa walk away.","Anna: (whistles lowly) You're into her, huh? (Ryan looks down at her) Man, are you in trouble.","Ryan: (with resignation) I know.","Anna: Yeah. (lifts her arms) Come on. Luke and Marissa are standing together. Luke is putting on his jacket. Marissa helps him adjust his collar.","Peggy: All right, darlings. Listen up. Let's review the classic waltz step. (gestures to a good looking young man) Phillip? (they start waltzing) Aaaaand One two three. One two three. One two three. One two three. Smile please. Seth and Summer are dancing stiffly. Luke and Marissa are dancing quite comfortably.","Luke: (to Marissa) That kid is stalking you.","Marissa: He is not! He's my neighbour. And he's not going anywhere, so you're just going to have to get used to him.","Luke: What I'm never going to get used to is that kid macking on you every time I turn my back.","Marissa: So, you don't trust me? They stop dancing.","Luke: No. I... I don't trust anybody else. Not around you. They kiss very chastely. Ryan is watching them out of the corner of his eye. Anna is eyeing Ryan, then narrows her eyes.","Anna: Wait. Are you the kid from Chino who steals cars and sets people's houses on fire? They stop dancing.","Anna: So, you're saying, I'm making my debut into society with Newport's most wanted?","Ryan: Is that going to be a problem?","Anna: (smiles) I can't wait. Ryan shrugs and then resume dancing.","SCENE 9","At Sandy's office. Kirsten and Sandy are talking, a table between them. Sandy is flipping through some files.","Sandy: Absolutely NOT! As happy as I am that you came ALL the way out to my office to visit me. (walks around the table and gives Kirsten a kiss on the cheek) The answer is no. (calls out the door) Corey! I need that file on Nerodner vs. Caplin. And I, I do need that INS report on my four-thirty. (walks back to the other side of the table. Then to Kirsten) I got a two time drug offender they wanna deport. Fifteen years old.","Kirsten: Sandy. He needs help.","Sandy: Jimmy Cooper? He stole from his clients. He stole from his friends. And then he had the nerve to borrow a hundred thousand dollars from us to cover it up.","Kirsten: He was trying to provide for his family!","Sandy: Yeah. Boats. Ponies.","Kirsten: So, you'll defend a two-time drug offender, but you won't defend -","Sandy: Yes! My clients are kids. Who have no hope! No guidance. Nothing. (Kirsten turns her back to him) Jimmy Cooper is just another spoiled Newport brat (she turns back at this) who had everything handed to him.","Kirsten: Like me?","Sandy: No. Not like you! *You* would never lie. *You* would never steal.","Kirsten: I would like to think that. But the truth is - there isn't anything I wouldn't do for my family. (picks up her bag) See you at home.","SCENE 10","At the club. Seth and Ryan are walking out of the dance hall.","Ryan: (sounding exhausted) Three hours of dancing.","Seth: (happily) I feel like I could go for three more.","Marissa: (coming out of the hall) Ryan! So, Anna seemed nice. I mean, I just figured - she's new and you're new, so...","Ryan: Yeah.","Marissa: Great. Good. Holly comes up to them and hugs Marissa.","Holly: Hey, Rissa!","Marissa: Hey, Hol. I was just going to tell them about the cookout tonight.","Holly: Yeah. It's at my house. I do it every year for Cotillion.","Seth: You didn't do it last year.","Holly: Yeah, we did.","Seth: (dawning upon him) Ouch.","Holly: (to Marissa) See you tonight. (walks away)","Seth: See you there!","Ryan: Uhm. You really think that's such a good idea. (looking at Luke who's talking to the guy from before)","Marissa: Yeah. I do. I mean you're living here now and there's no reason we can't all hang out, right? (starts backing away, then turns and leaves)","Seth: (staring at Ryan) I can think of a reason.","Ryan: Yeah. I'm not going.","Seth: Wait. Dude, I don't want to go alone.","Ryan: Summer's going to be there.","Seth: Yeah. I'm still *going*, I'd just prefer not to go alone. Listen to me. We're like brothers now. (Ryan crosses his arms and listens intently) Okay? That means we do stuff for each other. For instance, if you do this for me, somewhere down the line, I'm going to be able to do something for you. I don't know what it's going to be yet, but it's going to be *awesome*! (Ryan looks unconvinced) Please?","SCENE 11","Holly and her dad, Greg, are at a restaurant. They're picking up many bags of food.","Greg: Here we are. Thank you very much. Okay. (gives Holly some bags) Here we go, sweetheart. You got that? Check, make sure we got everything. As they are walking out, Jimmy walks in.","Greg: Hey! Jimmy Cooper! They shake hands.","Jimmy: Hey.","Greg: Just the man I wanted to see.","Jimmy: Hey, Greg. Hey, Holly.","Holly: Hey, Mr Cooper.","Jimmy: (looking at bags) Somebody's having a party.","Greg: (looking proudly at Holly) Yeah. Holly's hosting this thing for the debs out at the beach house.","Jimmy: That's right. Marissa's going. Have a good time. (walks away to the pick up station of the restaurant)","Greg: (gives Holly all the bags and his car keys) Honey. Take these out to the car, I'll be right there, okay?","Holly: Okay.","Jimmy: Hi. I'm picking up for, uh, Cooper. Greg is walking up to Jimmy.","Greg: Listen, Jimmy. Uh, I haven't heard back from you. Did you get my messages?","Jimmy: Oh yeah, I'm sorry. You know, work is - has been so crazy. But what's going on?","Greg: Well, I've been asked to invest in this commercial real estate property. It could be a nice second income for us. Might end up our only income the way the pharmaceutical industry's going.","Jimmy: That sounds - That sounds promising.","Greg: Yeah. So, uhm, we're going to have to pull two hundred and fifty thousand dollars out of the investment account.","Jimmy: (looks flustered) Well, I... Are you sure you want to do that? I mean, uh, with the market about to turn around.","Waitress: Sir. I'm sorry, but your credit card's been declined.","Jimmy: Huh. Uh. Greg is watching this with interest.","Jimmy: Oh. Oh, it's a new care. You know, I forgot to activate it.","Waitress: Did you want to use another card? Uh -","Holly: (walking back in) Dad! I'm going to be late to my own party!","Greg: Okay, honey. (then to Jimmy) Uhm, listen. I'll call you tomorrow about the details, all right? Just bring the cheque to the, uh, the Cotillion. (starts walking away) Enjoy your meal. Greg and Holly leave.","Jimmy: (to waitress) Uhm. I'll just pay it with - I'll just pay it with cash.","SCENE 12","Holly's beach house. The party is in full swing. Ryan and Seth walk in.","Seth: Give me ten minutes to find Summer. Lock it down for tomorrow. See where the night takes me.","Ryan: It'd better take you right back here in ten minutes.","Seth: (walking away) Okay. Don't wait up. Summer and Holly are standing over the barbeque.","Summer: Come on, Hol. I'll trade you two tickets to Jack Johnson, a massage at Burke-Williams and all the money I have on me (digs in her purse) which is... eleven dollars.","Holly: Mmm. Sorry, Summer. I don't want to trade escorts.","Seth: (walking up to them) Hey, Summer. Holly.","Summer: What did I say about talking to me?","Seth: Okay. I just - God - I just wanted to make sure that we're still on for tomorrow night.","Summer: (in a pissy voice) I guess.","Seth: (frustrated) Could you even pretend to be a little bit stoked? Summer glares at him.","Seth: Fair enough. (to Holly) Wow, you're a really good... barbeque-sionist. Inside, Ryan is alone. He finds a couch and sits down. Luke and the guy from before are standing at the kitchen counter. They slap some pesto\/dip on a chip and Luke tries to feed it to the guy, but the guy bats his hand away and the pesto\/dip falls onto the floor. Marissa is watching this, unimpressed. She's sitting on a counter nearby. Scanning the crowd, she sees Ryan and Ryan sees her. She motions for him to come over to her. He shakes his head, so she walks over instead. He gets up and meets her halfway.","Ryan: So, you sure you want to be seen with me?","Marissa: Hey. I'm glad you came. I mean how could you possibly miss all this? Ryan smiles, then he looks over Marissa's shoulder and sees Luke glaring at them.","Ryan: I'm going to go.","Marissa: Hey. We're not doing anything wrong. Luke walks up to them.","Luke: Well, now that you've moved in, I see you're making yourself right at home.","Marissa: Luke, come on. You said you were going to try.","Luke: I'm trying. I - I'm trying to understand why there's all this people here and you only want to talk to her.","Marissa: Hey, I wanted to talk to him.","Luke: Look, babe, why don't you go talk to Summer, all right? She looks kind of lonely.","Marissa: Or you can. And I'll just stay and finish talking to Ryan.","Ryan: It's okay. I'm just going to go.","Marissa: No. Stay.","Luke: (angrily) What are you doing? Don't tell him he can stay!","Ryan: Don't tell her what to do.","Luke: Thought you were leaving. (grabs Ryan's arm roughly) Why don't I just help you out? Ryan turns around and they stare each other down.","Ryan: I'm not going to fight you.","Luke: (looks at him) Even if I do this? (punches Ryan in the gut) Ryan falls to the ground.","Marissa: (rushing forward) Luke! (crouches over Ryan) Oh my God! Are you okay? (stands up and advances on Luke) God. Luke. You're such an idiot. Marissa leaves in a huff. Luke takes off after her. Seth is next to Ryan.","Seth: Wow. You just got your butt kicked. You didn't even fight back. Dude, you really are a Cohen. (Ryan glares at him, still clutching his tummy) Yeah. Let's just get you home. Seth helps Ryan up.","SCENE 13","At the pool house. Ryan is sitting on his bed, reading a magazine. Seth enters the pool house, already in his tuxedo.","Seth: What are you doing? Why aren't you dressed yet?","Ryan: (not looking at Seth) I'm not going. Seth rolls his eyes.","Ryan: Will you let Anna know. She'd probably be relieved.","Seth: Are you just not going to go because you're afraid of Luke?","Ryan: (still not looking up) That's not what I'm afraid of. (he looks up at Seth, who gives him a 'so what are you afraid of' look\/hand gesture) Look. Your parents taking me in, it's like the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I'm not going to lose it just to kick some guy's ass.","Seth: But you could though. You could kick his ass, right?","Ryan: Oh yeah.","Seth: Cool. (clears his throat) All right. Well. Have fun. (leaves)","SCENE 14","At the Cooper house. Marissa is in her bedroom, dressed in a robe, looking at her Cotillion dress that is laid out on the bed. Julie knocks on the door, then enters.","Julie: Sweetie, I need to borrow your lip-gloss. (stops when she sees the dress) Oh. I love this dress. (bends down to pick dress up)","Marissa: Really. Maybe you should wear it.","Julie: Hah. You're sweet. (moves in front of the mirror, holding the dress in front of her) But I think we both know that I'm no longer a size zero. Give me a few more months on the zone.","Marissa: I don't think I want to go.","Julie: (turns to her immediately) I'm sorry. I thought I just heard you say you don't want to go to your own Cotillion.","Marissa: Look. Luke and I got in a fight last night, okay?","Julie: (turning back to the mirror) So, you got into a fight. You've had fights before. You guys have been together forever.","Marissa: Maybe... that's the problem. (stops) I mean what if there's someone else out there?","Julie: (looks scandalized) Like who? That boy from *Chino*? Marissa is looking like 'maybe...'","Julie: (lowering dress and walking towards Marissa) Marissa. Do you want to end up like your Aunt Cindy? With four kids in a trailer park? She broke my mother's heart. I will not let you break mine.","Marissa: Oh, so now this is about you?","Julie: (softly) No, sweetie. It's about you. What kind of future do you think you could have with that boy?","Marissa: Mom! I'm *sixteen*!","Julie: And the choices that you make when you're sixteen can affect your entire future. Marissa, Luke comes from a good family. If you stay with him, you'll always be comfortable.","Marissa: I'm comfortable now!","Julie: Nothing in life is certain.","Marissa: (taken aback) What does that mean?","Julie: It means that you'll put on this dress, do your hair the way I showed you and make your debut into Newport's society with Luke.","Marissa: (sighs) I can't. (Julie looks livid) I'm sorry.","Julie: No, you're not. But you will be. Julie hands Marissa back the dress and then leaves.","SCENE 15","At the Cohen house. Sandy is sitting on a pool side lounge chair, drinking a beer. Kirsten walks out, in an evening gown.","Kirsten: What are you doing? Why aren't you dressed?","Sandy: I'm not going.","Kirsten: What do you *mean* you're not going?","Sandy: Oh. I don't feel like getting all dressed up and having to pretend that Jimmy Cooper is the O.C. golden boy. Any community that makes that guy a hero is not one I feel like being a part of right now. Kirsten looks tired. Seth walks out of the pool house.","Kirsten: (to Seth) You're not going either?","Seth: I wanted to leave twenty minutes ago.","Kirsten: Let's go.","Seth: Dad, why aren't you -","Kirsten: Seth! Now! Seth gives Sandy a 'what's up?' look. Sandy just jerks his head for Seth to follow Kirsten.","SCENE 16","At the Cooper house. Jimmy is sitting at his desk in his office. The phone is ringing in the background.","Jimmy: Oh, I don't know. Maybe I... shouldn't go either.","Julie: (very upset) What? What is wrong with this family? This is Cotillion. The most important event of the year. (looking on the verge of tears) Am I the only one who gets it? Kaitlin walks in, dressed in a pink evening gown.","Kaitlin: I get it, Mommy. (she's holding a cordless) Daddy, it's Mr Fisher again. He's called like three times.","Julie: (shaking her finger at Jimmy) No! We do not have time for you two to talk business. (to Kaitlin) Tell Greg, daddy will see him at the Cotillion. (to Jimmy) *Right*, Jimmy?","Jimmy: (sighing heavily) All right. Come on. (stands up) We're going to be late.","SCENE 17","At the club. Seth is walking into the fitting area. There are lots of dressed up couples milling around. He walks up to a small group.","Seth: Do you guys know Anna Stern? The girl starts to shake her head.","Anna: Seth! Anna walks up, adjusting her glove. Seth is taken with her beauty.","Seth: Wow.","Anna: (excitedly) You think?","Seth: (walking up to her) Yes. I do. Which makes this... even harder to say. Anna, just know, that in life, there are peaks and -","Anna: (disappointed) Ryan is not coming, is he?","Seth: You kind of took the wind out of my sails there, but yes. Anna smiles and shrugs.","Seth: Are you okay?","Anna: I'll survive. Seth smiles.","SCENE 18","At the Cohen house. Ryan is reading a magazine while walking to the kitchen. Inside, Sandy is just closing the fridge.","Sandy: Hey!","Ryan: Hey. Thought you were going to Cotillion?","Sandy: I thought you were.","Ryan: Yeah... No.","Sandy: (eats a chip) Yeah. Me neither.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cut to them playing a video game together.","Sandy: Wait. Which one is sword?","Ryan: The one you're hitting.","Sandy: Oh. Got it. Right.","Ryan: Okay. Now you're stabbing me. Just don't touch any of the buttons. Follow me through the forest and, uh, maybe we'll both make it out of here alive.","Sandy: So, you didn't feel like going, huh?","Ryan: (a little distracted by the game) Yeah... No. Not really for me.","Sandy: What - Waltzing and orchids? What could be more you?","Ryan: Guess I don't really fit in, huh?","Sandy: Oh. I got news for you. Nobody does. I guarantee you, every single person at that Cotillion feels like a fraud. They've all got secrets and they're all terrified that the guy next door's going to find them out.","Ryan: What's your secret?","Sandy: (shrugs) Sometimes, when the sun's coming up and the surf is good... and I haven't pissed my wife off quite as much as I have today, I kind of like this place.","Ryan: (turns to look at him) You just stabbed me again.","Sandy: Ooh. (looks at his controller) Sorry.","SCENE 19","At the club. Summer is on the cell.","Summer: I can't believe you're not coming. Marissa is still at home in her robe.","Marissa: It's just... after the whole Luke and Ryan thing last night... (shrugs) I don't feel...","Summer: Coop. (softly) Ryan isn't even here.","Marissa: He's not? (recovers) Ah well, even so. I'm just not up for it. Summer sighs, turns off the cell phone and swivels around to where Luke and Julie are standing together.","Summer: She's not coming.","Luke: So what did I get all dressed up for? Summer gets a 'welllll' look. Marissa is sitting on her bed, playing with her dress. At the club. Anna and Seth are sitting together.","Anna: I mean, whatever you think of the whole superhero movie genre, at least it's getting people to read the original source material.","Seth: I can not believe that you read comic books. I... you're a girl!","Anna: What is that supposed to mean? And I call them graphic novels. (Seth does a 'I know' gesture) In fact, if more people did maybe the form wouldn't be so marginalized.","Seth: I couldn't agree more. They both laugh lightly. Summer walks up and Seth stands up to greet her.","Seth: Hey, Summer. You ready. You look just... great.","Summer: So, listen, uhm. (looks uncomfortable)","Seth: You, uhm. You found another date.","Summer: Yeah. It's kind of an emergency, but you're off the hook. Sorry.","Seth: No, it's, it's, uhm - Summer's already walked away. Seth looks very upset.","Seth: (mumbling) It's fine. He storms off, with Anna looking at him leave.","SCENE 20","At the Cohen house. The doorbell rings. Ryan answers it and finds Marissa at the door.","Ryan: Hey.","Marissa: Hey.","Ryan: You - You're not at that Cotillion.","Marissa: Neither are you. Ryan does a 'well, no, I'm not' thing with his eyes.","Marissa: Look. I hope you didn't not go because of last night or... because of me.","Ryan: (doesn't quite know how to respond to that) How come you're not going? Marissa tries to answer, then just shrugs.","Ryan: So, you think just hiding out, staying home, is going to make everything better?","Marissa: Seems to be working for you. (then she gets a mischievous smile) I'll go if you go. Inside, Sandy is still playing the video game very excitedly.","Sandy: Ryan, come on! Check this out! I have totally annihilated all the other ninjas! Ryan and Marissa walk in together.","Sandy: I'm already on to the... (trails off when he sees Marissa) Marissa. Hello.","Marissa: Hey.","Ryan: (looking nervous) So, we're going to go... to Cotillion. Sandy just stares at him. Ryan does a little head jerk.","Sandy: Well, I'll get the car.","SCENE 21","At the club. Lots of adults in evening outfits are hanging around. Jimmy is reading a program. Greg walks up to him.","Greg: Hey, Jimmy! There you are.","Jimmy: Hey, Greg. How are you doing? They shake hands.","Greg: I'll be a lot better once I get that cheque. Get this property deal close. Get my wife off my back.","Jimmy: I don't have it.","Greg: What do you mean you don't have it? What? Did you forget it?","Jimmy: Look. This isn't really the time or place. Why don't you stop by the office tomorrow and we'll talk about it?","Greg: (confused and upset) Talk about it? Talk about *what*? Jimmy sees Marissa walking in with Ryan and Sandy.","Jimmy: Excuse me. (takes off after Marissa)","Greg: Jimmy - In the fitting area. Julie is talking to Summer and Luke. She sees Marissa walking in.","Julie: I don't believe it. Ryan talks softly to Marissa and gestures like he's going to go change. Marissa nods and smiles. Luke stalks towards Marissa.","Luke: You told Summer you weren't coming. Now you're here with him!","Marissa: No. Ryan and I aren't here together -","Luke: (cutting her off) No. No. No! I'm not an idiot!","Ryan: (walking up to them) Then listen to her and stop acting like one.","Luke: What did you say?","Ryan: Look, I -","Luke: No, no! (shoves Ryan in the chest, Marissa tries to placate him) What did you say!? Come on. Tell me what you said!","Marissa: Stop it!","Luke: (looking like he's going to cry) I'm over this. We're done. (takes off) Shortly after, Julie and Marissa are talking while Ryan is watching them from afar. Anna walks up to Ryan.","Anna: Hey! Look who decided to show up. Oh, don't worry about it. Your hit man already took care of it. I didn't feel a thing!","Ryan: (looking sincerely sorry) I'm here now. If you want to, uh -","Anna: (sniffles dramatically) No. Too late. You missed your shot. (looks at Marissa and Julie) I guess you'll have to go with Princess Mononoke over there.","Ryan: What are you going to do?","Anna: Oh, so *now* you care? (winks at him) Go!","Julie: (to Marissa) Ugh, Marissa, if you'd just stuck to the original plan. (Marissa sighs) I'm sorry. Do you want me to have Daddy go find -","Marissa: No, Mom!","Julie: You can't make your debut without an escort.","Ryan: (walking up) I hear there's a white night available.","Julie: (looking at Ryan condescendingly) Well, it's very nice of you to offer, but... I don't think it's appropriate.","Marissa: (smiles happily at Ryan, then declares) I'll go get dressed. (takes off) Ryan leaves too, leaving Julie simmering unhappily. Outside in the hallway. Seth is sitting on the floor, curled up with his arms around his knees.","Anna: (walking up to him) Could you *be* any more pathetic? A lone figure, sitting on the floor, wondering if he's going to be lonely for the rest of his life.","Seth: (gets up, crossing his arms in front of his chest defensively) Oh. Your sensitivity it's really, uh... non-existant.","Anna: (stalks up to him) You know what your problem is? You're not a man.","Seth: (nods) Again. Not appreciating the brutal honesty.","Anna: Do you know what girls find sexy?","Seth: (sarcastically) Uh. Wait. Let me guess. Dudes who play water polo?","Anna: Confidence! Watch this. (slides up real close to him) Seth.","Seth: (nervously) Yes?","Anna: I don't have a date to the Cotillion. Would you be my escort?","Seth: (totally nervous) I - I mean - I, uh -","Anna: (brushing imaginary lint off his shoulder) Confidence, Cohen.","Seth: (nods) Let's do this. In the back, all the girls are lined up. Julie is walking down the line.","Julie: Hair's good. Make up's good. Very nice. Stand up straight. Gum please. Summer is complaining to Holly.","Summer: How did this happen? How did I go from having three dates to Cotillion to having none?!","Holly: (barely paying attention, adjusting her gloves) I'm sorry, girl. That blows. Summer sighs, then catches sight of Seth walking in with Anna.","Summer: (walking up to Seth with a bright smile on her face) Good news! I'm available again!","Seth: You are. Anna looks at him. And he looks back.","Seth: No. No. (does a weird dance) We're going to go this way. No. He and Anna walk away. Outside in the ballroom, Kirsten is reading the program at a table. Sandy walks up and sits next to her.","Sandy: Oh. Five hundred channels and nothing on.","Kirsten: You couldn't put on a tux?","Sandy: Pick your battles, honey. On the stage, Peggy is with a microphone.","Peggy: Good evening, everyone. And welcome to the forty-seventh annual Newport Beach Debutant Cotillion. (applause) In the fitting area, both Ryan and Marissa step out of changing rooms.","Marissa: Hey. (they walk up to each other) Are you ready to make your debut? Ryan smiles nervously.","Cut to Marissa running up to meet the line of debutants.","Peggy: Holly Fisher. Daughter of Greg and Marianne Fisher. Ryan joins the line of escorts behind Seth. Greg walks up on stage and hands Holly over to her escort (there's bowing and curtsying).","Peggy: Anna Stern. Daughter of Cameron and Patricia Stern. Anna walks up onto the stage, greets her dad. Seth comes up to get her. Kirsten and Sandy are applauding loudly. Anna and Seth walk down to the dance floor. Anna places her bouquet on a table with other bouquets.","Peggy: Marissa Cooper. Daughter of James and Julie Cooper. Jimmy is on the stage with Marissa.","Jimmy: I love you, kiddo.","Marissa: I love you too, Daddy. Julie looks proud. Ryan comes up, bows. Marissa curtsies back. She drops off her bouquet and they walk to the end of the dance floor.","Peggy: And now, ladies and gentlemen. Please join me in congratulating this year's debutants. More applause. A waltz starts up. Marissa and Ryan start dancing. Everyone is dancing as the crowd looks on. Jimmy as well.","Greg: (walking up to Jimmy) We never finished our conversation. I got to tell you, Jimmy, you got me a little concerned.","Jimmy: Believe me. It's nothing that can't wait until tomorrow. (jerks his head at the dance floor) Don't the girls look beautiful?","Ryan: (softly to Marissa) I hate dancing.","Marissa: Wow. Thanks.","Ryan: Oh no. Uhm. With you it's - it's (hey laugh nervously) not horrible.","Marissa: You're sweet.","Anna: (to Seth) Are you leading?","Seth: I'm trying.","Anna: Oooh. Attitude. I like that. Greg is still trying to talk to Jimmy.","Greg: I - I've already put an offer, okay? I've got a mortgage on the house. The kids are in private school. Now, if there is problem, I need to know about it.","Jimmy: Now. Is not the time.","Greg: Jimmy! Where's my money? (Jimmy doesn't answer) I asked you a question - where's my money?","Jimmy: Look. I didn't want you to find out this way, but I don't have it.","Greg: What?!","Jimmy: I will. But I don't have it right now.","Greg: (getting loud) Well, if you don't have my money, then who has it?","Jimmy: Shhh. Look. (pulls Greg away) I promise I'm working on it, all right? There's been some bad investments, some bad accounting -","Greg: Whoa, whoa! Are you telling me you lost everything?","Jimmy: All right. Will you just keep it down?","Greg: No, I'm not going to keep it down. That is my money! That is my retirement! My kids tuition.","Jimmy: I'm sorry - Greg punches Jimmy in the face.","Greg: You son of a bitch! Julie gets up in alarm. Greg is pounding Jimmy. Everyone stops and stares.","Marissa: Oh my God!","Greg: You thief! You took my money! Greg has Jimmy pinned to the floor and is punching him. Sandy gets up and pulls Greg off. Greg punches Sandy in the face. Ryan lunges forward and pins Greg to the ground.","Greg: Get off me! (tries to get to Jimmy) You're a thief! You're a thief! Sandy and someone else help restrain Greg.","Greg: Get off me! (shakes Sandy and other guy off) He's a thief!","Sandy: Leave. Now.","Greg: You're a thief. Julie looks mortified.","Greg: (to everyone) He's a thief!","Marissa: (crouching over Jimmy) Dad. Julie is at the table, a hand over her face.","Someone: Take it outside. Come on! Later. The police are talking to people. Kirsten and Sandy are sitting at a table. Sandy has an icepack to his face.","Kirsten: I haven't seen you in a fight since... never.","Sandy: Now you know why.","Kirsten: What are you talking about? He sucker punched you. You didn't have to jump in like that. Defend Jimmy.","Sandy: Eh. I always had this thing for the underdog. Kirsten smiles.","Sandy: After I fill out the police report, maybe we should go over and see how he's doing. Kirsten laughs a little.","Ryan: (walking up to them) Hey. So, uh... sorry, I... I know I promised I wouldn't get into any fights.","Sandy: I think we can make an exception in this case. (looks to Kirsten for confirmation. She smiles. Then to Ryan) The police, however, are going to have some questions. And as your attorney, I advice you - get out of here.","Ryan: Thanks. (starts walking away)","Seth: (walking up to Ryan) Hey. Uhm. You don't mind if I walk your date home, do you? They both look at Anna who is waiting in the sidelines.","Ryan: No.","Seth: Cool. That's quite a little debut you had tonight. You really know how to present yourself. Finally, a Cohen who can throw it down. (pokes Ryan in the stomach. Ryan cringes) You want to come with us?","Ryan: (glances at Anna) Uh. I'll just see you at home.","Seth: See you at home. Ryan walks away. Seth and Anna walk together.","Seth: So, do you think I, uh, could get to see you again?","Anna: Mm. No.","Seth: Well. Okay.","Anna: No. It's just. I know this might sound kind of... wha"],"Show Title":"The O.C.","Episode Number":"01x04","Episode Title":"The Debut","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_O.C._01x26.json","Recap":["\"I love the Vegas,\" Seth says. But Seth is a player who's played when he, Ryan, Sandy and Jimmy hit the gambling town for what's presumed to be Caleb's bachelor bash. And claws are out when Julie and Hailey attend the Newport bachelorette party."],"Transcript":["Opening scene - It is dark and we can't see much","Seth: (whispers) Ryan, Ryan hey, hey man are you asleep","(Seth turns the lamp on and moves down the bottom end of his bed, we see Ryan with his eyes shut on the floor)","Seth: Ryan, are you asleep","(Ryan groans, Seth holds his nose closed then pulls his hand back quickly, Ryan rolls over to face the other way)","Seth: yeah I cant sleep either (sighs) I know what your gonna say you know she hasn't technically (Ryan opens his eyes) dumped me yet but its only a matter'a time right, so what'do I do, do I force a confrontation or do I jus continue to be whiny an passive aggressive until she realises what a catch I am Ryan? Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, you asleep","Ryan: (frustrated, rolls over) yeah","Seth: oh ok sorry i'm gonna let you go back ta sleep ok cause as bad as things are for me right now, there much worse for you so","Ryan: what? (sits up)","Seth: well i'm jus saying that you know i'm at least in my own bed not sleeping, you're on my floor not sleeping","Ryan: because you won't stop talking","Seth: yeah but also because your ex girlfriends sleeping in your room to the dismay of your girlfriend who you jus got back together with","Ryan: Marissa's fine with it","Seth: i'm sure she is buddy, the same way you'd be fine with it if uh uh Oliver was sleeping on her couch, its cool","Ryan: what'do you want me ta do, kick Theresa outta the pool house","Seth: no but, aren't you just the least bit curious as to when she's leaving","Ryan: no, no i'm not, i'm not worried about it","Seth: ok","Ryan: ok","Seth: good - night, go back ta bed...or the floor","(Seth lies back down and Ryan rolls over, he closes his eyes then suddenly sits up)","Ryan: yeah ok I should talk ta Theresa","Seth: (sits up) let me come with you","CUT TO: Ryan and Seth outside the pool house, Ryan knocks then goes in Seth follows","Ryan: (yells) Theresa","Seth: housekeeping","Ryan: helloooo","Seth: maybe she's still at work","(we see a grocery bag, and normal bag on the bed, in the background we hear a toilet flush)","Ryan: no her bags here","Seth: yeah apparently she's ben shoppin","(Theresa comes out of the bathroom)","Theresa: sorry, I didn't hear you guys...come in","Seth: hey let me know if you ever need anything ok, my moms got lots'a toiletries","Theresa: thanks but um i'm probably not gonna be here that much longer","Ryan: (looks at Seth) oh, your not","Theresa: no, I-I can't impose on Seth's parents forever","Seth: sure ya can, I intend to","Theresa: thanks but I really need'ta figure things out, I have some family I can call so","Ryan: so uh see you tomorrow?","Theresa: no a-actually I picked up a morning shift at the bakery so","Ryan: oh alright so maybe after school","Theresa: sure, but aren't you an Marissa","Ryan: yeah no I mean we'll both see you after sc-","Seth: well actually I'll see you after school because uh my girlfriends currently dating her father (Theresa looks at him, then Ryan) which to me is","Ryan: Seth!","Seth: we'll talk about this tomorrow (Theresa nods) goodnight","Theresa: night","Ryan: alright, goodnight","(Ryan leaves and Theresa watches him go, then she walks over to the grocery bag and picks up a fuchsia coloured box. camera changes so we can see the box says 'Pregnancy Test' Theresa looks at the box, then looks up with a worried look on her face)","Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Cohen kitchen - Kirsten, Sandy, Julie and Caleb are in there together","Julie: so what's it gonna be Cal (hands him photos) the Hyatt Newporter, the pool at the four seasons hotel where everybody gets married or the beautiful glass cathedral over looking the ocean at the Wayfarer's Chapel hm?","Caleb: (looks at his watch) uh I have to get ta work w-whatever you like, Juju (kisses her on the cheek)","Julie: (disappointed) oh","Caleb: sorry about breakfast Kiki","Kirsten: dad the only reason we're having this breakfast is so that we can do some work, you have ben so busy with the wedding lately I haven't even seen you","Julie: really? because every time i've asked him ta help me with the wedding he says he's working with you","Sandy: really so Caycay what'ya ben doin all this time","Caleb: don't you have some place ta be","Sandy: as a matter'a fact i'm meetin Jimmy for breakfast, I bet even that sounds pretty good to you right about now","Caleb: the Wayfarer Chapel it is","Julie: w-w are you sure I mean these photos don't really do it justice, you know what I should take you up there this weekend, you'll love it","Caleb: uh I wish I could, i'm outta town","Julie: what, since when, you can't go out of town we're getting married next week","Caleb: just one night...business","Kirsten: business where?","Caleb: uhh...Nevada","Julie: Nevada as in Los Vegas Nevada","Caleb: actually","Kirsten: dad you're going outta town for one night to Vegas on business, what business?","Julie: there is no business your going ta Vegas because your having a bachelor party aren't you","Caleb: some of the investors an I are","Julie: hiring strippers, drinking too much an gambling all night the weekend before our wedding","(Ryan and Seth come in while Julie speaks)","Sandy: gees it sounds like a bachelor party ta me, I have'ta admit I-I feel a little hurt that I wasn't invited","Seth: yeah me too","Sandy: not that I have any affection for you Caycay you know that but...I do love the Vegas","Seth: I didn't know you love the Vegas dad","Sandy: (giddy) oh I love the Vegas, I love the Vegas, Ryan how'da you feel about the Vegas","Ryan: uh i've never ben to the Vegas my mom was all about the Reno","Seth: dad we should go, you love Vegas, Ryan an I have never ben oh an he can use his uh mutant card counting abilities, pay for the whole trip","Julie: sounds like fun for the whole family (Seth nods & raises his eyebrows)","Ryan: yeah it does but what about Theresa","Kirsten: well I can take care of Theresa, you guys should go","Caleb: do I have any say in this","Julie: ugh uh no (kisses his cheek) mw, enjoy your bachelor party","(Julie leaves and Caleb smiles at them)","CUT TO: Jimmy's house - Sandy knocks on the door and Jimmy opens it","Sandy: hey","Jimmy: hey","Sandy: ready for breakfast","Jimmy: almost, my realtor is on her way just have'ta give her the contract","Sandy: contract for what","Jimmy: well with any luck (pushes a few buttons on his laptop which brings up a photo) my new house","Sandy: (impressed) Jimmy it's right on the beach, its perfect!","Jimmy: (smiles) yeah I jus wanna give Marissa a home she can be proud of y'know, what about you what're you gonna do with your half'a Caleb's money","Sandy: actually i'm takin some of it with me ta Vegas this weekend, the boys an I are crashin his bachelor party (Jimmy laughs) you wanna come","Jimmy: are you kidding, the man bailed us out, took Julie off my hands, ill buy him his first lap dance (Sandy laughs) (doorbell) hell ill give him one myself, can you-can you grab that I jus gotta get the contract","(Sandy opens the door)","Realtor: hi","Sandy: hi","Realtor: Gail van Deepen you must be Sandy","Sandy: hi yeah","Realtor: congratulations on selling the restaurant","Sandy: oh","Realtor: you guys musta made a fortune, I heard that Robert Campbell is gonna turn that whole area into an outdoor mall","Sandy: Robert Campbell we uh we actually sold the restaurant to Caleb Nichol","Realtor: oh well then I guess Caleb Nichol is gonna make a fortune, well another fortune right, but you an Jimmy musta made good money soo what're you gonna do next","(Sandy is speechless, the realtor looks at him)","CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Marissa are walking in the halls","Marissa: I wanna kill him, of course then id probably have'ta go to jail but it would be better then having to move in with him an my mom right, an that way I wouldn't have'ta tell my dad i'm moving out","Ryan: you still haven't told him","Marissa: well-well what am I spose'ta say that Caleb's blackmailing me, then my dad'll kill him an ill have'ta move in with my mom","Ryan: so..what're you gonna tell him","Marissa: I don't know but I guess I have'ta do it by this weekend huh","Ryan: actually I think your dad might be goin'a Vegas this weekend","Marissa: how do you know?","Ryan: (softly) because I might be goin'a Vegas this weekend","Marissa: (suprised) for what","Ryan: Caleb's bachelor party","Marissa: what? with like uh strippers an prostitutes an showgirls","Ryan: yeah I don't know I hope so (Marissa shoves him playfully) what no i'm not gonna go I mean I can't leave Theresa here all by herself","Marissa: Theresa, what about me?","Ryan: we-you-you know what I mean you got Summer an your sister Theresa she's got nobody","Marissa: well she's got me, I mean I am your girlfriend right...so I mean any friend of yours is a friend'a mine, right","(Ryan kisses her)","Ryan: you are my girlfriend","Marissa: (smiles) glad ta hear it (kiss again) mm now about those strippers","Ryan: w-what strippers I don't even know of any strippers (they kiss again)","CUT TO: Kirsten's office - Julie is in there with her","Julie: I don't want Chippendales I want STRIPPERS full on full frontal male strippers, preferably at a place that serves bottomless margaritas","Kirsten: ah-huh or I could invite the girls over an I could throw you a lovely catered bachelourette cocktail party","Julie: with strippers","Kirsten: without strippers, Julie we are smart sophisticated women we don't need strange naked me dancing infront of us to be entertained","Julie: (pouts) i'm not as smart as you, plus the boys are getting strippers","Kirsten: the boys are not getting strippers","Julie: Kirsten, its Las Vegas you get strippers as a side with your entr\u00e9e, course their getting strippers why else would Sandy go ta Vegas with Caleb","Kirsten: (starting to give in) strippers huh","Julie: (excited) ah huh lets get all the newpsies inta limos, drive ta LA have dinner on Sunset then head south to Mantopia or the stud farm","Kirsten: you've done your research","Julie: (grins) Todd in accounting, who also told me about this place called the petting zoo, its not exactly legal but-","Kirsten: Julie, I am not going to a place called the petting zoo, you don't know where the pets have ben","Julie: we'll be too drunk ta care","Kirsten: no strippers!","Julie: just one! stripper (begs) please jus one little stripper who never hurt anyone he was jus tryin'a make his way in the world (Kirsten looks at her) naked","Kirsten: (tries not to laugh) one - little - stripper","Julie: yesss you're the best! but no Chippendales, an not little","(Kirsten turns around and Julie grins at her and raises her eyebrows)","CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Summer are in the student lounge","Summer: a bachelor party","Seth: (nods) mm-hmm where really anything could happen","Summer: uh...good ta know","Seth: yeah jus kind of a courtesy thing really seein as how last time I checked we were still boyfriend an girlfriend, even though you've ben ignoring me in the halls and don't return any of my calls, I didn't mean for that ta rhyme","Summer: (closes her eyes) look Cohen","Seth: look I jus want you ta tell me that your not gonna let what your dad thinks of me break us up","Summer: (looks down) he's my dad","Seth: so what, I don't Summer I don't care about your dad, ok I care about you alot an if that's not good enough for you th (realises) obviously that's not good enough for you so i'm gonna go ta Vegas (walks away)","(Summer turns around, stamps her foot out of frustration)","Summer: (softly) wa","(Summer watches him leave, sad)","CUT TO: The pool house - Theresa is in there and Ryan comes in","Ryan: hey","Theresa: hey","Ryan: how's work, how're ya feelin","Theresa: good, um i'm actually going back I picked up another shift tonight","Ryan: oh Marissa an I were kinda hopin we could all hang out","Theresa: yeah I cant um I have'ta make money if i'm gonna go to Atlanta","Ryan: (shocked) Atlanta?","Theresa: yeah my cousin Kim lives in Atlanta an she said I can go stay with her as long as I pay my own way so (Ryan looks disappointed) I mean she doesn't have a pool house or anything but...that way maybe I can get a second chance too (begins to leave)","Ryan: how much you need","Theresa: ...Ryan I can't take your money...I don't even (shrugs) I two thousand dollars","Ryan: ill ask the Cohen's","Theresa: no you wont (Ryan sighs) listen ta me this is not your problem ok, go, win (smiles) make money that's what i'm gonna do","(Ryan smiles)","CUT TO: Cohen living room - Seth, Ryan and Marissa are in there talking. a skateboarding video game is on the TV, Seth turns it off","Seth: two thousand dollars huh (thinks) well i've got about (makes click sound w\/his mouth) id say i've got about a thousand (sits on table) in uh savings bonds, bahmitzvah bucks","Marissa: yeah an I could throw in a couple hundred","Seth: yeah","Ryan: I can't ask you guys ta do that","Marissa: well you didn't ask, we volunteered","Ryan: well thanks but it's still not enough","Seth: but you could make it enough you can take that money ta Vegas an you can like triple it on the black jack tables right","Ryan: (unsure) uh I don't know I mean its ben a while since i've done the whole card counting thing","Seth: that's fine listen i'm 'onna start you off slow right, if you suck i'm jus gonna cut you off","Ryan: (frowns) well how do we get into the casinos?","Seth: I don't know I think we'd use our fake ideas (pulls them out)","Marissa: (suprised) you have fake ids","Seth: (hands one to Marissa) C.D Sebulski of Manwell park? its good to meet you have you met my associate (hands it to Ryan) Marty Nayfis (smiles)","Marissa: oh god","(Ryan raises his eyebrows when he looks at his)","Marissa: ok look, you guys go ta Vegas, ill take care of Theresa, if you win great...if not well then Theresa never has'ta know, well what'do you have to lose","Seth: just a thousand dollars in bahmitzah bonds but other then that nothin...(to Ryan) you in (Marissa & Seth both look at him) Marty are you in","Ryan: (thinks) (raises his eyebrows) i'm in","CUT TO: The guys arriving at the hotel in Vegas, Ryan and Seth walk in first, followed by Jimmy, Caleb and finally Sandy","Seth: welcome ta Vegas (smiles)","Ryan: Reno was never like this (smiles)","Caleb: (looks around) what is this place","Sandy: this is the Hard Rock hotel an casino, according to Seth it is ground zero for...aging hipsters like yourself","Caleb: (looks at Sandy) I thought we were going to Caesars","Seth: yeah about that Caesars didn't have a permanent Springsteen exhibit","Jimmy: although they do have Celine Dion","Seth: yet another reason we're staying here","Sandy: hey mock if you must but the woman can sing, sing, sing","Seth: your gonna regret saying that on your birthday","Jimmy: yeah, really","Amy: welcome to the Hard Rock my name is Amy, which one of you is Mr. Cohen","(Sandy and Seth both step forward)","Sandy: oh hi","Seth: hi Amy (shakes her hand) we spoke on the phone, its good to see you","Amy: yes its good to see you, we have the penthouse all ready for you Mr. Cohen, if you gentleman will follow me","Sandy: (impressed) the penthouse","Seth: yeah","Sandy: so who's card did ya put that on","Seth: oh please, the old mans","Sandy: oh I love you son, I love you","Seth: I love you too dad (puts his arm around Sandy's shoulder)","Sandy: aw","Seth: jus not as much as I love Vegas (Sandy laughs)","Amy: the casino, restaurants, pool an spa are all on this level, and if you follow me ill show you our famous bowling alley","Caleb: dear god there's a bowling alley","Amy: yes sir, it's in your room","CUT TO: The penthouse - Seth and Ryan are playing ten pin bowling. Seth knocks down all but 2 pins, he throws his hands in the air","Seth: did you see that I just - almost - bowled a strike (hits Ryan in the arm) in our hotel room man i'm never goin home (Ryan hits him back)","(Jimmy is walking around excited, Caleb isn't impressed)","Caleb: it's like a million dollar frat house","Jimmy: (laughs) I know, it's fantastic","Caleb: hmm well i'm gonna explore the casino","Amy: may I give you gentleman a tour","Caleb: no ill find my own way thanks","Sandy: (hands her money) we're good, thanks","(Amy smiles and goes to leave, Ryan and Seth stop her)","Ryan: uh actually you know what we'll uh we'll take that tour","Seth: yeah","Amy: oh sure I jus need ta see some ID","(Ryan and Seth look at each other then take their wallets out)","Amy: its just a formality, we have alot of kids under 21 using fake IDs to get onto the casino floor, we'd hate to have'ta throw them out of the hotel (they both put their wallets away)","Seth: you know what Amy, I don't think we're gonna need that tour actually","Amy: oh","Seth: but thankyou for stopping by","Amy: absolutely","Seth: so much, you're really sweet","(Amy leaves)","Seth: what're we gonna do man, I don't wanna get thrown outta the hotel, I love the hotel","Ryan: me too","Seth: I wanna marry the hotel an have little gambling addicted alcoholic kids with it","Ryan: it'll be fine, we'll find another casino","Seth: what like-like a youth casino","Ryan: (laughs) Seth its Vegas, you wanna find some action in this town, all you gotta do is ask","CUT TO: The casino floor - Caleb is playing something and his phone rings","Caleb: (answers) yeah...where're we doin this...no i'm at the Hard Rock of all places...fine, i'm on my cell","(Sandy walks up behind him)","Sandy: so, where's the party","Caleb: there is no party just a quiet dinner","Sandy: hey speakin'a dinner have you figured out what your gonna do with the restaurant","Caleb: not yet, you an Jimmy figured out what your gonna do with all that money that I paid ya for it","Sandy: i'm puttin all mine on the hard ways, Jimmy's gonna buy a house for himself an Marissa","Caleb: really? last time I talked ta Marissa she was planning on moving in with us","(Sandy looks at Caleb confused)","CUT TO: Jimmy's house - Summer, Marissa and Hailey are sitting on the couch together, they all look un happy\/bored","Hailey: i'm sorry but does it strike anyone else as tragic that the boys are in Las Vegas doing god knows what while we're sitting here watching the Valley marathon","Marissa: hey its Sums favourite show ok (to Summer) right Sum...are you crying","Summer: (tears streaming down her face) no. it's a sad episode (sniffs)","Marissa: (whispers to Hailey) she broke up with Seth","Summer: Coop!","Hailey: what! why?","Marissa: her dad doesn't approve","Summer: Coop!","Hailey: please, you think my dad approves of Jimmy Cooper, the mans a felon (Marissa looks at her) no offence","Marissa: yeah I know, anyway my mom still doesn't approve of Ryan","Hailey: its like a rule like your parents almost have'ta disapprove otherwise the s*x isn't any good (Marissa and Summer look at her) was that an over-share?","Marissa: yeah, he kinda is my dad","(door bell)","Hailey: yeah, ill get the door","(Hailey opens the door and Kirsten is there)","Hailey: (frowns) hey","Kirsten: hey, uh can I talk to you, alone","Marissa: (in the background) uh lets uh move","Summer: yeah","(Marissa and Summer both get off the couch)","Hailey: you want me to get you a stripper","Kirsten: well not me, Julie an I only ask because...you were a stripper","Hailey: can I ask you something, how do you get yourself inta these things","Kirsten: I wish I knew","Hailey: does she have a picture of you wearing culottes or something...you don't even like Julie Cooper","Kirsten: ssshh, Marissa's still here, an that's not entirely true","Hailey: you let her walk all over you","Kirsten: you're upset with her because she's marrying dad","Hailey: yeah for his money, the same reason that she married Jimmy","Kirsten: well she's not your biggest fan either","Hailey: (confused) sooo why am I getting her a stripper","Kirsten: because if you don't, she's gonna make me take her to a place called the petting zoo which according to Todd in accounting...they pet","Hailey: (laughs) you know what, ill do it. if Julie Cooper wants a stripper, I know jus the man for the job","Kirsten: (smiles) thankyou","(Hailey smirks\/laughs)","CUT TO: Las Vegas - Ryan and Seth are walking around outside by Hard Rock's gorgeous beach","Seth: we live in an age'a miracles Ryan, look at them frolicking look how much fun that is, with the bowling alleys in the penthouse","Ryan: (smiles) yeah","Seth: you know what i'm sayin hotel rooms, there's beaches in the middle of the desert...there is so many bikini cladded women that I haven't even thought about Summer since like","Ryan: since you left a message on her machine in the hotel room","Seth: sure that's right but that was also twenty minutes ago, you know what i'm sayin i'm feelin liberated now confident","Ryan: ah-huh","Seth: like I could walk up'ta anyone'a these women an just...converse you know what i'm saying","Ryan: great (pushes him) go for it","(Seth disappears out of the shot then comes back in almost immediately)","Seth: the thing is I don't wanna be rude to you","Ryan: I can take care'a myself","Seth: yeah w-but I cant I can't, I can't jus go up to some strange girl an say oooh","Jen: excuse me would you mind if I kissed you","Seth: are you talkin ta me","(a guy walks passed and Jen kisses Seth, Ryan watches them. when the guy dissapears Jen stops kissing Seth)","Jen: sorry Hard Rock's kind of exclusive, can't use the beach unless your with a guest so","Seth: (stunned) oooh","Jen: i'm Jen (holds her hand out)","Seth: Seth","Jen: an you are an excellent kisser, can I buy you guys a drink, say thanks","Seth: uh (laughs) yeah I think we're out so that (phone rings) um jus hold on one second its Summer (answers) hey","(Summer is in Marissa's bedroom)","Summer: Cohen listen i've ben thinking","Seth: yeah","(same guy from before walks by)","Jen: hey I have to kiss you again (kisses him)","Summer: what!","Marissa: what?","Summer: Cohen what is going on over there?","(Summer is listening)","Jen: wow, you're an amazing kisser","Seth: hold that thought please (to Summer) hey Summer um","(Summer hangs up)","Seth: hello","CUT TO: Summer and Marissa on Marissa's bed","Summer: he's kissing another girl","Marissa: (shocked) no","Summer: yes right infront'a me on the phone, I can't believe this I have ben crying actual tears over that ass an he's kissing randoms!","Marissa: ok you know what, we're gonna have a girls night out ok, Theresa's coming over an we can do whatever you want","Summer: really, cause all I wanna do right now (angry) is go ta Las Vegas an kick Cohen's ass","CUT TO: Ryan and Seth","Seth: she's gonna kick my ass","Ryan: yeah","Jen: was that your girlfriend?","Seth: was bein the operative word there","Jen: I am so sorry","Seth: no its listen","Jen: I should go, I shouldn't even be here I should-I should go, I have a paper ta write anyway","Ryan: yeah yeah we should probably go too so","Jen: where're you guys headed, can I give you a life somewhere","Ryan: you have a car here?","Jen: I live here I go to UNOV (Ryan and Seth nod) English major, with a weakness for fake beaches, what about you guys","Seth: uh","Ryan: uh jus visiting","Seth: yeah","Ryan: actually we're lookin for a black jack game ta get into","Seth: yeah its sorta business","Jen: I don't know about black jack but a couple'a guys from my class are doing this poker thing down town, its kind of intense though (raises her eyebrows) wanna go","(Seth and Ryan look at each other)","Seth: yeah","Ryan: sure","CUT TO: Jimmy and Sandy standing near the hotel pool, they are standing on like an enlcosed wooden deck and the pool is below them","Sandy: hey","Jimmy: how'd it go with Caleb?","Sandy: ahh he stonewalled me I got nothin","Jimmy: maybe he's just out here for his bachelor party","Sandy: (laughs) yeah right, yeah a bachelor party where Robert Campbell just happened ta stop by an pay him a half a billion dollars for the coast line","Jimmy: so he's profiting from our loss he's Caleb Nichol, that's what he does, he paid us a huge amount'a money for that restaurant, he's the only reason I can put a bid on a house","Sandy: you may wanna retract that bid, cause according ta Caleb...Marissa's movin in with him","(Jimmy looks at Sandy shocked)","CUT TO: Jimmy's house - Marissa and Theresa are now the only ones there","Marissa: yeah so Summer had'ta go home but she wants us ta call if we go out","Theresa: yeah, I don't feel like going out much if that's ok","Marissa: yeah no of course its ok, we'll just order in you want like Indian, Chinese, Sushi","Theresa: no not Sushi, I can't do raw fish","Marissa: ok um well what about something else ta drink I think we have like juice, soda (raises her eyebrows) beer","Theresa: no I can't...I mean I shouldn't, thanks","Marissa: you can't drink (sits) you can't have sushi (jokingly) what're you pregnant (Theresa doesn't say anything) oh my god are you pregnant","(Theresa looks at her)","CUT TO: Las Vegas - Ryan, Seth & Jen are walking into the poker game","Ryan: we're jus playing Texas hold em right","Jen: yep, last time I was here it was like a 250 buy-in","Seth: as in two hundred an fifty dollars (Jen nods)","Ryan: what you play?","Jen: yeah jus for fun, well it was fun until last time I lost that two hundred an fifty","(a big bouncer looking guy steps in front of, Jen waves at him and he lets them pass to go to the table)","Jen: these guys, they don't play for fun","Seth: (to Ryan) you do know how'ta play poker right","Ryan: yeah...haven't played in a while but","Jen: i'm gonna go buy us a drink","Seth: ok","Jen: ok (walks away)","Ryan: look we don't have'ta do this","Seth: yeah well what about Theresa","Ryan: Theresa's not your responsibility","Seth: well she's not yours either yet here we are so listen (puts money in his hand) I love the Vegas, its time ta see if the Vegas loves me","(Ryan sits at the table. Seth accidentally walks into a man with a cow boy hat on, he looks rough but he just nods at Seth)","Seth: howdy","[SCENE_BREAK]","CUT TO: Jimmy's house - Marissa and Theresa are sitting at the kitchen table, both are quiet","Theresa: ...I haven't told anyone, not my mom...not Eddie...especially not Ryan you're the only one who knows so","Marissa: well i'm not gonna tell anyone I promise (Theresa nods) hey do you not wanna talk about this","Theresa: i've ben going crazy keeping this to myself","Marissa: ok so do y-do you know what you wanna do","Theresa: I don't even have the money ta get ta Atlanta, so... I have no idea how I would pay for an...(upset) I mean even if I had the baby, I work in a bakery you know what am I spose'ta do","Marissa: well maybe if you talk ta Eddie","Theresa: (shakes her head) no I cant, he'll try'ta convince me ta marry him an have the baby...or else he'll say it isn't his","Marissa: who else's could it be?","(Theresa doesn't say anything, they just look at each other)","CUT TO: Las Vegas - Inside the poker game. Seth is sitting at the bar next to this big guy, Seth's drinking out of a shot glass with a straw {so funny} someone blows smoke in his face and he turns around to watch the poker game","ATH(angry trucker hat): all in, twenty five hundred (puts his chips in)","(Ryan looks at his cards then puts his chips in)","Ryan: (turns his cards over) pocket aces","(ATH throws his cards and gets up from the table. Ryan collects his winnings and leaves the table)","Seth: hey hey how ya doin there buddy","Ryan: we got your bahmitzvah money, we got uh Theresa's money now we gotta go","Seth: nooo, what about the Ryan-an-Seth-go'ta-Europe money my man get back in there we can get vespas","Ryan: vespas really","Seth: yeah it's Europe or w- Harleys I don't know whatever the point is man why quit when you're ahead","Ryan: cause if we don't angry trucker hat over there is gonna hurt me","Seth: maybe he's not angry at you, maybe he's angry cause he found out people don't wear trucker hats anymore come on i'm doin so good with Jen, I think","Ryan: so invite her back to the hotel room or somethin","Seth: it is...kinda sweaty in here id like ta do that but how am I gonna do that","(Jen walks over)","Ryan: hey so uh Seth an I were wondering iiiiffff","Seth: if you would like ta come back to our hotel room with us an go bowling, which is not as weird as it sounds","Jen: wait are you guys staying in the pent house, my girlfriends an I have always wanted to rent that out for a night but it's so expensive","Seth: (smiles) yeah well uh you should call them, you should bring them over","Jen: (smiles) are you serious","Seth: yeah, call em","Jen: ok, thanks (kisses him on the cheek)","(Jen and Seth walk off, Ryan laughs and shakes his head then follows them)","CUT TO: Cohen house - Its Julies bachelourette party Kirsten walks outside to where Julie is","Kirsten: now isn't this better then some seedy Hollywood club (hands her champagne)","Julie: mm-hmm (drinks) mm when's the stripper gettin here (Kirsten looks at her) don't tell me I want it ta be a surpise (door bell) (gasps) suprise (grins)","Kirsten: ill get it","Julie: um maybe I better go with you know uh-hm incase it's a UPS man an I have'ta sign for the package or maybe its a plumber an he needs ta tighten my pipes or you know what (opens the door) what if its- Hailey (less friendly) what're you doing here","Hailey: Kirsten invited me, since you clearly forgot (walks in)","Julie: my memories fine","Kirsten: (sighs) crab cakes","Hailey: I can't stay I jus saw a fire truck out front an wanted'ta make sure everything was ok","Julie: fire truck!","(a fireman walks in, Julie's mouth is wide open)","FM: is it hot in here (takes off his shirt revealing his chest) or is it just me","(another guy walks in carrying a stereo on his shoulder, Julie grins and puts her finger to her mouth, the second guy walks in and gives his fire hat to Kirsten. 2 more guys come through the front door and pick Julie up. Julie squeals then laughs as she's carried by them. they put her on the table then one of the guys gets up there with her. Hailey is watching and smiling)","Kirsten: Hailey (trying not to laugh) I said one stripper","(Julie is still on the table dancing with the guy, the girls and the strippers are all having fun together. in the background the phone rings. Kirsten goes into the kitchen to answer it)","Kirsten: hello","Sandy: hey","Kirsten: oh thank god its you there are four male strippers dressed as fireman dancing in our living room","Sandy: theme stripping you gotta love that","(in the background we see one of the strippers strip down to his bright red undies, all the women scream)","Kirsten: oh wait, now there not dressed as anything at all","Sandy: well try'ta keep em off the furniture","Kirsten: so how's everything going in Vegas?","Sandy: let me ask you somethin, do you find it at all odd that after your father bought into the restaurant as powerful as he is...we were still denied our liquor license","Kirsten: well yeah but the guy that was on the liquor board was an ex client of Jimmy's","Sandy: so your dad doesn't know anyone on the liquor board","Kirsten: well he knows everyone but why would he do something like that he was a partner in the restaurant","Sandy: so he could buy us out cheap an turn around an sell it to Robert Campbell for ten times as much","Kirsten: Sandy he wouldn't do that","Sandy: oh honey when are you gonna realise, there is nothing your dad wouldn't do","Kirsten: well what're you gonna do","Sandy: i'm gonna talk to your father","CUT TO: Hard Rock - Seth, Ryan and Jen are walking back in","Seth: hey Ryan","Ryan: yeah","Seth: i'm proud'a you man, not as proud as if we were on vespas but...","Ryan: right","Seth: (to Jen) hey Jen we're gonna do uh strip bowling, i'm not a very good bowler so you'll probably see my tush","(in the background Jimmy motions for Ryan to come over)","Ryan: hey you guys go ahead i'm gonna catch up alright","Seth: yeah hurry up","Ryan: ok (he walks over to Jimmy)","Jimmy: (on the phone) hey I still haven't heard from you I jus wanna make sure your ok Ryan's here he'd like ta say hi so uh give us a call back ok, I love you kiddo (hangs up) (to Ryan) i've ben callin her all day an she hasn't picked up her cell","Ryan: is everything ok","Jimmy: (sighs) listen do you know...anything about Marissa moving in with Caleb an Julie","Ryan: uh yeah, she finally told you","Jimmy: no, she didn't...Caleb told Sandy, is there somethin I should know (Ryan looks shocked) what","Ryan: nah nothin I jus I don't know why he'd do that they had a deal","Jimmy: a deal? what kinda deal","(Ryan looks at him)","CUT TO: Summer in the lobby of Hard Rock","Summer: (to person) move (to front desk lady) hi the name is Cohen C - O - H - E - N (unsure) I think that's how you spell it","CUT TO: The pent house - Seth and Jen are in the room together","Seth: (looking out the balcony) you can pretty much see the entire strip from here","Jen: (in a dressing down) yeah you can see it from here too (takes off her robe, she's in a bikini)","Seth: (mouth wide open) it's very impressive","Jen: (goes over to him) wait till ya see what happens next","Seth: mm I would actually I would like that very much to see what happens next the thing is i'm kind of in love with my girlfriend, an that makes it weird","Jen: ex girlfriend, right","Seth: that's a good point","Jen: mm-hm (kisses him)","(Summer opens the doors)","Summer: (yells) Cohen!","Seth: Summer!","(Ryan runs in after Summer)","Ryan: I-I tried'ta stop her","Summer: get away from him whore","Seth: whoa whoa hey hey she's not a whore ok she goes to UNOV","Summer: oooh you know i'm sorry (loud) skank","(in the background we hear 'hello' then 3 more girls walk in)","Summer: (laughs) mm did somebody order more skanks","Jen: come on in you guys, Ryan, Seth this is Valerie, Shannon an Grace","(Seth waves, then goes to talk to summer. a guy appears from around the corner)","Lucas: aren't you gonna introduce me","Jen: what are you doing here Lucas?","Lucas: this many girls, i'm gonna need payment before the party","Seth: (confused) uhhh b- no payment are you uh","Ryan: you're a prostitute","Summer: (hits Seth) I knew it","Lucas: so four girls till midnight plus ya had Jen all afternoon","Seth: no man I think i've ben had all afternoon","Lucas: uhh either way its two fifty an hour which brings us to a grand total of (makes clicking sound with his mouth) five thousand dollars","(Ryan and Seth close their eyes in disbelief)","Lucas: so what'll it be gentleman cash cheque or charge","CUT TO: still in the pent house - the 'pros' are playing ten pin bowls. Seth goes over to Ryan","Seth: I hate the Vegas (sits next to Summer on the couch) my entire life i've never even seen a prostitute now I have four of em taking advantage of me in my hotel room, an not in a nice way (Ryan sits between Seth & Summer)","Summer: well way ta go whore boy","Seth: thanks","Ryan: alright alright Summer how much money you got","Summer: (frowns) i'm not giving you my money, i'm not the one that was worked on","Seth: hey I wasn't worked on ok I was entrapped, besides this is your fault anyways you're the one who broke up with me","Summer: oh so you hire yourself a call girl","Seth: what? your dad wouldn't approve","Summer: this has nothing ta do with my dad!","(Ryan leans back on the couch so now Summer and Seth are basically next to each other, arguing)","Seth: (points) your absolutely right it doesn't","Summer: ok so maybe I over reacted a little","Seth: yeah maybe a little I don't know","Summer: (yells) well maybe if you didn't try so hard with him","Seth: I only did that because I knew that it was important to you","Summer: (calms down) swear nothing else happened with the skank ho","Seth: I swear, one kiss (Ryan looks at him) maybe four (Ryan gets up from the couch)","Summer: well I hope you enjoyed them because if (emphasised) anything like this happens again, ill kill you","Ryan: yeah well you won't have to, if we don't get five thousand soon her pimp will","Seth: well between my money an Theresa's money it's only three thousand","Summer: (opens her bag) three thousand five hundred (holds out her money to Seth)","(Seth hands it to Ryan, in the background Jen comes in)","Ryan: thanks but that...still leaves us fifteen hundred short","Jen: you know you guys did buy us till midnight, that's more then enough time for another game of no limit hold'em","(Seth looks at Ryan)","Seth: (to Summer) that's a card game not hooker talk (Summer frowns)","CUT TO: Cohen backyard - Julie walks up to one of the firemen strippers","Julie: uh-hm well that was some performance","Guy: (laughs) believe me that...that was nothing (holds her top tie) what're you doing after the party","Julie: getting married","Guy: (laughs) yeah but not tonight right","Julie: (thinks about it) let me get my purse (walks away in shock) (to Kirsten) ooh thanks for the party","Kirsten: you're leaving","Julie: i'm exhausted and the boys are getting back from Vegas early so (looks at Hailey talking to the stripper) please tell me your sisters not hitting on that poor stripper","Kirsten: ooh there-there old friends (Julie raises her eyebrows) in fact uh Hailey set this whole thing up","Julie: she did","Kirsten: (nods) mm-hmm","Julie: really (hands Kirsten her glass) excuse me (walks over to Hailey) so what was the plan Hailey (Hailey smiles) get your stripper friend to proposition me then tell daddy all about it an the weddings off","Hailey: (rolls her eyes) please, I knew you'd never sleep with Jeff, he doesn't make enough money","Julie: an what the hell is that suppose'ta mean","Hailey: well you married Jimmy for his money, an now my dad you see Jeffrey here might be a stripper, but honey your a whore","(Julie slaps Hailey hard)","Jeff: (puts his head back) oooohhh","(Kirsten is watching)","Hailey: (brings her head forward) your goin down bitch (pushes Julie)","Julie: (yells) who're you callin bitch, bitch (pushes Hailey)","Kirsten: (shocked) oh my god","(we see Julie and Hailey cat fighting, you know the girly hits. Julie gets in more hits then Hailey though)","Kirsten: (runs up to them) Hailey! stop it!","(Julie has Hailey by the hair)","Jeff: (tries to break it up) ladies (he gets his in the face by one of them, I can't tell who cause it happens so fast)","(you can hear screaming from both of them, more hitting and pushing. Kirsten watches as they both end up in the pool. Kirsten closes her eyes - they continue fighting in the pool, trying to drown each other etc. Kirsten looks as though she's trying not to laugh {side note, if you can watch this DO I was in tears the first time I saw this, it is THAT funny!} Julie tries to push Hailey's head under, they are both trashing about - Kirsten sits down and just watches helplessly, she drinks her drink)","Julie: (heard in the background) I never liked you, even when you were a little twerp (screams) come on","CUT TO: Sandy walking into a fancy looking restaurant","Sandy: (to guy) hey how are ya i'm meetin someone here (stops and looks around) Caleb!","(we see Caleb sitting at a table with another guy, Caleb doesn't look thrilled to see Sandy)","Sandy: there you are gees i'm so glad you guys didn't start eatin without me, Mr. Campbell how are ya Sandy Cohen i'm Caleb's son in law (shakes his hand) former business partner h-h-how is the food here","(Caleb stands from the table)","Robert: filet's excellent","Sandy: really","Robert: yeah would you uh care ta join us","(Sandy sits)","Caleb: actually Robert we-we should jus-","Sandy: don't mind if I do, so Mr. Campbell I understand that your interested (Caleb sits down again) in Caleb's Balboa coast line property oooh I could see why it is the perfect location (takes Caleb's drink) you mind, i'm parched (Caleb glares at him) mm as a matter of fact some partners an I recently tried ta open a restaurant there , not unlike this one e-except we had two kinds'a meatloaf an dirty martinis...the problem was we could not get a liquor license (looks at Caleb) an for the longest time we couldn't figure out why","Caleb: Sandy this is not the time","Sandy: (takes food from Caleb's plate) are you gonna eat that, turns out one of our partners went behind our backs to a friend'a his at the city council an got them ta deny us the liquor license, so he bought us out an now he's peddlin that piece'a property at a much higher price...ta someone else","Caleb: (stands) Robert I'll have'ta ask you to excuse us","Sandy: (looks at Caleb) problem is the jokes on him (Caleb sits down again) not only is he guilty of collusion an fraud but he an his property are gonna be tied up in civil litigation for months, years if I have anything ta say about it (Caleb looks at him) (to Robert) the bottom line...that coast line property its absolutely worthless (Caleb gets up from the table) what'do you think'a that Mr. Campbell","Caleb: I have'ta ask you ta leave (grabs Sandy's arm)","Sandy: (stands up and pulls his arm away) get your hands off me, you wanna go we'll go come on i'll take ya","(Jimmy comes up behind them)","Jimmy: (pushes Sandy aside) Sandy, don't, let me","(Jimmy turns around and punches Caleb in the face which sends him flying onto someone's table, they all scream. Sandy holds Jimmy back)","Jimmy: (yells angrily) you think you can manipulate me?! hold my daughter hostage?!","(we see Caleb lying on the floor with a bloody lip)","Sandy: easy easy what're you doin, you beat me to the punch (to Caleb) we'll see ya back in Newport dad (to Jimmy) come on go, go, go","(Robert looks at Caleb, Caleb wipes his lip)","CUT TO: Las Vegas - Ryan is back at the poker game and ATH is there too. Ryan is sitting at the table and Jen is standing a little behind him","ATH: five hundred you've got nothin (throws chips in)","Ryan: (looks at his card) i'm out","(ATH collects his winnings, Ryan gets up from the table and goes over to Jen)","Ryan: I need you ta lend me some money","Jen: what! no, no way you just lost like three thousand dollars, there is no way i'm lending you money","Ryan: then I guess you don't get paid","Jen: look this is not a game ok you an your friends could get seriously hurt","Ryan: yeah well whose fault is that?","Jen: I was jus doin my job, you guys were staying in the pent house I thought you had money (Ryan looks at her) look I don't understand, this afternoon you were doing so good...now you suck","Ryan: (looks at the table) so I guess angry trucker hats feelin pretty confident right now...wouldn't you say","Jen: (realises) you lost on purpose","Ryan: I won alotta money this afternoon...now I need yours","(Jen gives him the money and he goes back to the table and sits down)","Ryan: deal me in (throws the money on the table)","CUT TO: Ryan, Seth and Summer walking around outside. Ryan is wearing ATH's baseball hat lol","Seth: I can't believe he gave you his angry trucker hat","Ryan: (bragging) he didn't give it to me I won it","Seth: ooh well that's not really winning then","Summer: aww be nice Cohen, he paid off your pimps...and your ho's","Seth: yeah","Ryan: I did lose your bahmitzvah money though, sorry","Seth: I lost my bahmitzvah money ok an I also lost Theresa's money which is the only reason you even came here","Ryan: nah it's not the only reason","Seth: yeah you don't think the trips a total waste","Ryan: nah nah I mean we won some we lost some, id say we're walkin outta Vegas pretty much even","Seth: well id say some of us are walkin out ahead (puts his arm around Summer & kisses her) mwa","Summer: yeah I think if it were up ta you we wouldn't be walkin out of here at all","Seth: yeah but now we have a good Vegas story ta tell","Summer: I don't think you wanna tell people that you lost your bahmitzvah money...on prostitutes (Seth smiles)","Ryan: yeah well you know what they say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas","Summer: I thought that was Tijuana","Seth: I think that hat should stay in Vegas","(Seth grabs it off Ryan's head)","Ryan: hey, hey","(Seth runs and throws it off the bridge and it lands in a gondola that has 2 people in it. Ryan and Summer walk over and look, Summer and Seth laugh)","Seth: (to the couple) sorry (the guy picks it up & smiles)","(they all turn away from the water, Seth sighs and looks at Summer then takes her hand in his, Summer smiles. the volcano thingo explodes and they watch it)","Seth: (in awe) definitely love the Vegas","(they walk away, Summer pushes Ryan mucking around, Ryan pushes her back)","CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Sandy sneaks in with his bag, he takes off his shoes then walks over to the bed. Kirsten is in bed but awake, she smiles","Kirsten: mm how was Vegas (Sandy kisses her) mm","Sandy: definitely a spectacle, how were the strippers","Kirsten: surprisingly tame actually","Sandy: that's good","Kirsten: yeah...considering what happened next","Sandy: uh (frowns) do I wanna know","Kirsten: depends","Sandy: what is it","Kirsten: on how you feel about drunken cat fights","Sandy: (smiles) Julie an Hailey","Kirsten: (nods) mm-hmm","Sandy: wow, even Vegas can't compete with that","Kirsten: so, how'd it go with my dad?","Sandy: well, you'll be relieved ta know I did not punch him in the mouth","Kirsten: that is a relief","Sandy: Jimmy did","Kirsten: ugh","Sandy: I don't think we'll be invited back ta the Hard Rock any time soon but you know what i'm not really lookin forward ta getting back ta Vegas","Kirsten: (suprised) I thought you loved the Vegas","Sandy: ah I do, I do love the Vegas, cause afterwards it is soooo nice ta come home","(Kirsten smiles and they kiss)","CUT TO: Jimmy's house - Marissa opens the front door and Ryan is there. Marissa doesn't look happy","Ryan: (smiles) hey","Marissa: (upset) you told my dad","Ryan: your dad found out he-he he asked me I-I had ta tell him the truth","Marissa: oh so you'll tell my dad the truth but you won't tell me","Ryan: (confused) well what're you talkin about","Marissa: ...you know what (begins to close the door) maybe you should just ask Theresa","Ryan: (puts his hand up) whoa whoa (pushes the door open & walks in) tell me what's goin on ok","(Marissa turns around with tears in her eyes)","Marissa: Theresa's pregnant (Ryan is stunned) (laughs) and it might not be Eddies, so why don't you tell me what's going on","(the camera zooms in on Ryan's shocked expression then Marissa upset, Ryan swallows and closes his eyes. the camera changes and we now see them side on, they stand there looking at each other. the camera gradually moves up the screeen but as it does black comes in from the top so their legs disappear, then their heads until you can only see their waists then its just completely back. {it's really well done. I was impressed the first time I saw it})"],"Show Title":"The O.C.","Episode Number":"01x26","Episode Title":"The Strip","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_O.C._02x01.json","Recap":["With the end of summer quickly approaching, tension fills the air in THE O.C. The Cohen family is desperate to convince Seth, who ran away at the beginning of the summer, to return home. Meanwhile in Chino, Ryan is working construction while a pregnant Theresa waits at home. Back in Newport Beach, while Summer is finding ways to deal with Seth's disappearance, Marissa is distancing herself from the world and masking her problems by reverting to old habits."],"Transcript":["Opening scene - We are inside the Cohen house, there is plastic sheeting everywhere and a shirtless guy climbs down a ladder, as he climbs down the camera goes down with him. we can now see that the Cohen house is full of shirtless builders and the head builder Archie is talking to Sandy","Archie: so we've knocked down the retaining wall to allow for more flow","Sandy: great now...when do you think we will have achieved flow","Archie: when do you think we'll be done tearin your house apart?","Sandy: no my how is torn apart an constructions got nothin'a do with it, ball park Archie ball park","Archie: I-its September now id say two weeks (Sandy looks at him) a month tops...six weeks","Sandy: (nods) well in the mean time-","(Sandy and Archie enter the hallway and just as they do the wall to the right of them busts open, there is debris everywhere)","Sandy: (continues walking) in the mean time could ya please try'to convince the fellas here to wear something in a shirt, my neighbours have started to refer to my home as the man hole","Archie: too uh Village People","Sandy: exactly","(Kirsten comes down the stairs)","Archie: ill talk to my guys","Kirsten: (smiles) hey Archie (smile goes) (barely heard) Sandy (walks into the kitchen)","Sandy: oh...an don't ever get married (Archie nods) an if you do don't ever have kids","CUT TO: The kitchen - Kirsten is in there making coffee and Sandy walks in","Sandy: well...good news Archie thinks the remodel should be done any time between now an...well he didn't say never but there was subtext (walks over) id love some coffee (Kirsten holds out the coffee pot) thankyou, boy am I excited to head into court for day one of this riveting (Kirsten sits at the table) nuisance law suit where one yacht owner feels that this other yacht owner is in violation of the noise ordinance at Crystal Cove (Sandy looks at Kirsten who appears to be ignoring him reading the paper) butter scotch donkey Paso lamp shade truck stop stethescope","Kirsten: (head down) you know your doing that thing where you think that i'm ignoring you so you start speaking in gibberish to see if i'm listening","Sandy: aww, you were listening","Kirsten: nope...i'm distracted by today's paper actually the date of today's paper (looks at Sandy)","Sandy: he's gonna come back","Kirsten: by the time school starts? or by the time Archie finishes the remodel (stands up)","Sandy: what'do you want me to do, tie him up an stuff him in a trunk","Kirsten: at this point...yes (fed up) I have had enough of your hippy parenting psycho-babble","Sandy: ooh so that's the problem, its not your smothering over protectiveness that kept him from ever having a friend until Ryan came along (Kirsten looks at him) sometimes the best thing for a kid is to have some space","Kirsten: (upset) the Pacific Ocean that's not enough space?","Sandy: if ya force him to come home he's gonna wanna run away again","Kirsten: I don't care what he wants! I-I don't care what he thinks is fair, he could've died out there!","Sandy: ok so you can blame me...an he can blame us...an we can keep passin the buck all summer long","Kirsten: summer is over, school is starting!","Sandy: this is where he belongs, he's gonna figure that out","Kirsten: i'm tired of waiting for that bring him home Sandy...bring him home","(Kirsten walks out, Sandy walks out shortly after her)","Theme Song - California by Phantom Planet Caleb's mansion - Marissa and Summer are sun baking by the pool in the backyard in bikinis, Marissa walks over with drinks for them and sits down","Summer: ugh could it be any hotter, I feel like my flesh is melting, I just hope it melts evenly (sighs) (Marissa puts her head back & closes her eyes)","(Summer looks over at the 'yard guy'. he's watering some plants, shirtless)","Summer: daaammmn girl, break me off a piece'a dat (laughs)","(Marissa looks over, he looks at her and smiles, she looks at him, then Summer looks at him)","Summer: he is totally checking you out (Marissa looks away)","(he looks at them again, then looks down)","Marissa: so my mom's tryin'a drag me to cardio bar again, it's her idea of mother daughter bonding","Summer: cardio bar Coop","Marissa: well she says it's the new Tai Bo so maybe I can (pointed) learn to kick her ass","Summer: I don't think you need'ta do anymore cardio","Marissa: (looks at Summer) what's that suppose'to mean","Summer: nothing, it's just that...well an I mean this in the least scandalous way, but you're lookin a little thin","Marissa: huh, I eat!","Summer: ok (drinks her drink) oh god, you definitely drink, what's in this lighter fluid","Marissa: mm (swallows) ahhh this is a Newport Beach ice tea","Summer: this is ten o'clock in the morning, it's a little early","Marissa: (looks at Summer) for who","(Summer looks at Marissa, then puts her head back like Marissa is)","Summer: ugh this bikini is so uncomfortable I need'to go get a new one you wanna go to South Coast","Marissa: (smiles) totally there's a Paul Frank sale there Wednesday","Summer: Wednesday I can't, I have plans with Zach","Marissa: ooo more plans with Zach huh","Summer: yes (looks at Marissa) the more time I spend with Zach, the less time I have to think about (screws up her face) god (clicks) what's his face, built like a bean pole curly hair (emphasised) runs away like a little bitch on a sail boat leaving nothing but a note for his girlfriend who cried an cried over him till the 4th of July when she decided she doesn't cry over bitches - on - boats","Marissa: Seth (Summer looks at her) his name, its Seth","Summer: I know, i'm jus doing that thing where I pretend I don't an I have'to use alot of descriptive insults to give voice to my inner pain (sighs) so yeah cant do it Wednesday","Marissa: more plans with Zach","Summer: well it's a formality really...I refuse to get close to him...I will never be close to a boy (raises her eyebrows) again","Marissa: yeah I know what you mean (drinks)","(we see them from behind, which also shows just how huge the house is)","CUT TO: Chino - we see a building site, then we see Theresa's car pulls up","Ryan: uh that's good, alright thanks for the ride (gets out)","Theresa: oh don't forget your lunch...I uh peeled your orange for you (smiles)","Ryan: (smiles) thanks but it's probably not the best way to fit in with these guys","Theresa: (nods) right","Ryan: alright well ill uh (motions behind him)","Theresa: yeah y-you don't want the foreman to get angry","Ryan: oh he's always angry, he's an angry man","Theresa: (smiles) maybe tonight we could ah rent a movie or play pool or something","Ryan: yeah, yeah pool sounds good (Theresa nods) see ya","(Theresa waves then drives off, Ryan watches then looks at his neatly peeled orange in its plastic bag,lol he sighs)","CUT TO: The mansion - Julie and Caleb are there. Caleb is in the kitchen, Julie comes in while she's talking","Julie: honey i've gotta pick up Kaitlin from junior life guards, maybe she can save her sister from drowning in self pity","Caleb: (looking out the window) what is that flower truck doing in our driveway, I get the feeling that its ben there every week","Julie: because it has","Caleb: (frowns) we get flowers delivered every week","Julie: yes Cal, there living things they die","Caleb: (goes to the phone) do you hear a clicking on the phone, every time I try'to dial out (listens) I swear I hear a clicking","Julie: (looks at Caleb) ok Nixon...paranoid much...what's going on with you Cal, you're either hopped up on blow or something is seriously wrong","Caleb: its...nothing it's my blood thinning medication sometimes it makes me feel-","Julie: wacko, like all summer long (Caleb laughs) oh I'm taking Kaitlin to go look at new pony's","Caleb: what's wrong with China?","Julie: China...has alopecia (Caleb looks at her) I was hoping that the hair treatments would work but...bald as a baby's ass...oh its jus not right for a little girl to love a hairless pony","Caleb: oh I spose that's fair","Julie: thanks (kisses him on the cheek & walks away)","Caleb: your not...charging that on the company card are ya","Julie: (stops & turns around) (worried) why?","Caleb: because...we can't claim Kaitlin's new pony as a business expense, it's illegal","Julie: oh I know, I was gonna put it on the black card (smiles) bye sweetie","CUT TO: Cohen house - Kirsten has 2 bags full of groceries in her arms and one of the shirtless workers pulls across the plastic sheeting so she can walk through to the kitchen. she puts the bags down then pulls out the juice and takes it to the fridge, when she opens the fridge door we see their family Chrimukkah photo {aww} Kirsten shuts the fridge and looks at the photo then looks down to a post it stuck to the fridge it reads 'Carson (503) 555 0169'","CUT TO: A telephone ringing - Luke answers it","Luke: hello","(Kirsten is on the phone in the kitchen)","Kirsten: uh Luke its Kirsten","Luke: heeey Mrs. Cohen, how you doin...although I think I can answer that one for myself","Kirsten: yeah is uh is he there?","(Luke walks into his living room, we see the back of Seth sitting on the couch playing a video game)","Luke: (holds out the phone) it's for you","(Seth holds his ear to the phone and continues playing, he's holding the phone with his shoulder)","Seth: hello","Kirsten: Seth...its mom","Seth: mom hmm...blonde sharp Anglican features, cute little nose","Kirsten: (sighs) (sad) come home","Seth: did Ryan come back?","Kirsten: Seth Ezekiel","Seth: ok using the dreaded middle name is not the best way to forge a bond","Kirsten: this has gone on long enough","Seth: mm weeell not quite yet I just signed up to teach more sailing lessons through September, Portland needs me mother","Kirsten: (sincerely) so do I","Seth: (sits forward & holds the phone) here's the thing though (sighs) I hate it there (Kirsten is listening) i'm never coming back to Orange County, now if you an dad wanna move to (shakes his head) I don't know say anywhere else on the planet then we can talk","Kirsten: an here I was crazy ta think that a simple appeal from a mother to a son might get some traction","Seth: (holding the phone with his shoulder) yeah well that is crazy, bye (nudges the phone off his shoulder)","Kirsten: so your jus gonna hang up o- (dial tone) (frowns & hangs up)","(Sandy comes in. Kirsten slams the phone down on the base)","Sandy: gave in an called him huh","Kirsten: he use'to be such a sweet kid","Sandy: an he's turning out to be quite the angry young man...I had the same talk with him thi'safternoon","Kirsten: (upset) doesn't he know...that we didn't want Ryan to leave anymore then he did","Sandy: well right now it's...its not about what he knows (rubs Kirsten's arm) it's about how he feels","Kirsten: (looks around) this house jus seems so empty","(a shirtless guy walks through)","Sandy: an yet so full","(3 guys pull down a plastic sheet that is separating the kitchen and dining room)","Sandy: full of sweaty, shirtless men...you'd think you'd be in heaven (Kirsten laughs)","(door bell)","Kirsten: oh that's Jimmy I said that we were gonna have dinner with him but... (sighs)","Sandy: ill talk to him (walks out)","(Kirsten sighs)","CUT TO: The front door - Sandy opens the door and Jimmy is standing there.","Sandy: Jimbo (Jimmy smiles) how goes it","Jimmy: it goes fantastic (Sandy comes outside & shuts the door) you guys still gonna join me an Hailey on the boat for dinner","Sandy: (softly) (shakes his head) no, Kirsten's not feelin so great","Jimmy: Seth still won't come home huh","Sandy: no he'll come home you know he's-he's got no real choice I...i'm jus tryin'a figure out the best way for him to realise that","Jimmy: well if you're too tough on him, I mean bring him back kicking an screaming (sits on the step)","Sandy: oh I know, it'll only make things worse, the last thing anybody wants is (sits next to Jimmy) a bitter resentful teenager in the house (Jimmy laughs) he wont talk ta me, he wont talk to Kirsten","Jimmy: well maybe there's somebody else he'll talk to","(Sandy looks at Jimmy)","CUT TO: Chino - Ryan is on the building site he looks over and sees Sandy getting out of the car","Sandy: (walks towards him) ah I wanted'to make sure you weren't slackin off, tryin'a punch out early","(Ryan smiles and shakes Sandy's hand)","Ryan: I wish, how are you","Sandy: uh pretty good, you","Ryan: that was real nice'a Kirsten to send over those baby clothes","Sandy: oh please Kirsten loves ta shop, even for the unborn","Ryan: how's the remodel goin?","Sandy: alot like this (points) a disaster","Ryan: well as long as it keeps her distracted right","Sandy: well it's not really doin the trick anymore","Ryan: Seth wants'to stay in Portland","Sandy: an school is right around the corner an everybody's diggin in their heels holdin their positions","Ryan: so you goin up there","Sandy: yeah i've always liked Luke he's like a-a big golden retriever (Ryan laughs)","Ryan: actually he-he kinda is","Sandy: you wanna come (Ryan looks at him) 1, 2 punch might be more effective, you an me...unbeatable combination","Ryan: (thinks) he was pretty mad at me the last time I saw him...we haven't talked since so","Sandy: oh he's pretty mad at everybody","Ryan: (unsure) I don't know its- Theresa's got some tests I got...work","Sandy: well (pulls out a plane ticket) just in case (hands it to him) and don't worry if you don't use it I got a great fare","(Theresa pulls up in the car and looks over at them. Sandy and Ryan look over at her, Sandy waves, Theresa waves back)","Ryan: good luck","Sandy: take care kid (touches Ryan's arm)","(Sandy goes to his car and Ryan watches, then walks over to Theresa and puts the ticket in his back pocket. Sandy opens his car door)","CUT TO: Theresa and Ryan's room - the alarm clock says 6:00, on the same table is a photo frame with a photo of Ryan and Theresa together - we see Ryan lying in bed wide awake thinking, he closes his eyes then opens them again. camera changes and we see Theresa lying next to him on her side she's also wide awake and looks worried - Ryan walks out the front door carrying the trash he puts it in the bin then looks towards the street, we see a boy on his bike, then 2 more boys on bikes appear. one of the boys on bikes holds his hand out and a boy high fives him as he rides past. the boy looks like a younger version of Ryan, he's even in a wife beater,lol. the boy looks over at Ryan, and Ryan looks at him. a car drives passed blocking Ryan's view of the boy, then when the car moves out of the shot the boy is gone. Ryan walks away - Ryan is back inside, he stands in the doorway and watches Theresa who is in a pink robe standing at the stove. Theresa turns around and Ryan waves and smiles. Theresa smiles then turns back around. the camera pans to a brown paper bag sitting on the table. Ryan looks at it then back at Theresa - Ryan is now sitting on the bed he picks up his pants and pulls the plane ticket out and looks at it, he puts it on top of the alarm clock","(Theresa opens the door)","Theresa: breakfast is ready (Ryan turns around) my mom left early so there's plenty of food","Ryan: thanks (picks up the plane ticket)","Theresa: what's that?","Ryan: nothing uh Sandy needs some help convincing Seth to come home","Theresa: (nods) is that why he came by yesterday, cause you said he was jus checking in (Ryan stands)","Ryan: yeah...nah its I don't know I mean Seth's still angry (Theresa sits) I guess he blames his parents","Theresa: for you leaving","Ryan: yeah","Theresa: I can't imagine what he thinks about me...so are you gonna go to Portland","Ryan: no, I can't","Theresa: you should go if you wanna go","Ryan: it's for them to figure out, as a family","Theresa: your not part'a their family","Ryan: not anymore (kisses her on the cheek) I should get to work","(Theresa watches him leave)","CUT TO: A parking garage - a car drives in and the camera follows it, it stops next to another car. we now see that Caleb is in one car and Sandy in the one that pulls up","Sandy: (puts window down) hey Cal, always a pleasure although if I may w...why're we meetin in a parking garage","Caleb: because my office...might be bugged, my home your home who knows what the feds are up to","Sandy: (smiles) boy you've really flipped your noodle haven't ya, hey I could be wearin a wire...you never know (puts his hand up) sure you don't wanna frisk me","Caleb: I don't have time for your jokes","Sandy: nor do I, I gotta be at the OC airport in half an hour...i'm headin up to Portland","Caleb: to see Seth","Sandy: (nods) yeah","Caleb: I don't get it, his best friend leaves so he...runs off with another boy and his gay dad, gotta admit it sounds kinda strange","Sandy: an this comin from a guy who is one click away from wearin a wig an a fake moustache","Caleb: you think my paranoia is unfounded","Sandy: (smiles) it's entertaining but completely unfounded, I haven't heard anything from any'a my friends at the DA's office","Caleb: that doesn't make any sense, DA comes to see me at the beginning of summer, tells me the sky is falling...an he hasn't done a damn thing since","Sandy: well either they've realised they got nothin...or there building one hell of a case...I got a plane to catch (starts the car)","CUT TO: Portland - Luke and Seth are working. Seth is drawing a super hero looking girl in a book (it closely resembles Summer) Luke notices","Luke: that looks just like uh (Seth looks at him) talked to her since your fourth'a July blow out","Seth: no, she stopped taking my calls so I stopped making em she doesn't understand it's not about her","Luke: you've got some will power because she has a killer rack (Seth looks at him)","(we see 2 girls through the window, Luke goes over to them)","G: you guys missed the greatest water ski lesson of all time","Jane: this guy must'a ben three hundred pounds an he wanted to drop his skis","(Luke kisses G)","G: i've never seen anyone wipe out harder in my life, he lost everything","Jane: including...his bathing suit","Seth: heeey, i'm sorry I missed that","Jane: (walks over to Seth) hey what happened to you last night we went to saltys an my ID finally worked, it was so much fun","Seth: yeah I don't know, jus wasn't up for it","Luke: Cohen got in a little fight with his mom","Seth: (closes his eyes) thankyou, that was both honest an emasculating","G: parents turning up the heat?","Seth: I guess, its probably time to tell em about the home school plan","Jane: i'm sure that will go over really well, we gotta get back out there...jus wanted'to share","Seth: alright dude (holds out his hand)","Jane: alright","(Luke kisses G goodbye)","Seth: don't drown...oh hey if you see anymore naked fat guys be sure an let Luke know, ok","(they both laugh. Luke looks at Seth)","Luke: dude","Seth: yes","Luke: you need'to close on Jane before the summers over","CUT TO: them walking into Luke's house","Seth: I live here so does she, there's plenty'a time","Luke: whatever you say","(Carson comes in from another room)","Carson: hey guys","Luke: hey dad, what times dinner?","Carson: uh half an hour...and we have a guest","(Seth and Luke look at Carson, Sandy walks in)","Sandy: hi, Sandy Cohen","(Seth stands there stunned and manages a little wave)","CUT TO: Cohen house - Kirsten is at the front door and Marissa and Jimmy are getting out of a cute little red car","Kirsten: oh hey","Jimmy: hey","Kirsten: new car?","Marissa: oh yeah my mom gave it to me, it's my get away car (walks in)","Jimmy: not without me","Kirsten: ah thankyou you guys for coming","Jimmy: Hailey is stuck at work but we're happy to keep you company","Kirsten: yeah well being in the house by yourself isn't as wonderful as I had fantacised","(they are all inside now)","Marissa: so have you talked ta Seth...or Ryan","Kirsten: I talked at Seth, if it qualifies as a conversation...Sandy saw Ryan last night he-he seems to be doing well","Marissa: oh well that's good","Kirsten: do you guys still talk","Marissa: uh...yeah not really, we use to but it jus sorto made everything harder (Kirsten nods) (Marissa leaves the room)","Jimmy: see, your kid doesn't need to be in Portland to be distant (rubs Kirsten's arm Kirsten sighs)","CUT TO: Marissa walking into the back yard. she shuts the door and stares at the pool house, she slowly walks up to the doors. she looks in and we see all the bedding neatly left stacked on the bed. Marissa goes to put her hand on the door handle. she stops and pulls her hand back. she turns around and walks away, sad","CUT TO: Carson's house - Carson, Luke, Sandy and Seth are at the table eating dinner. Carson and Sandy are sitting next to each other and Luke and Seth are across from them","Carson: so the last I heard you were opening a restaurant, how's that goin","Sandy: well...didn't happen I-it's a long story but hey they have plenty'a good restaurants in Newport","Seth: I thought you said all the restaurants in Newport were over priced an over sauced","(Sandy looks at Seth, Seth shrugs)","Sandy: (to Carson) I have this thing about sauces, less is more (laughs) (Carson laughs) (to Luke) so you excited about school or","Luke: its gonna be a little weird I-I gotta meet all the new kids an...they don't have a water polo team","Seth: hey, some would call that heaven","Sandy: the Harbor school jus broke ground on the new gym an you know it-it shou-should be beautiful","Seth: are you-are you workin for the tourism board now","Sandy: watch your mouth, I was tryin'a be polite...you might wanna give it a try","Seth: no thanks id rather be honest","Sandy: you wanna be honest?","Seth: yeah","Sandy: well lets talk about the spoiled brat whose had everything handed to him (Seth listens with his bottom lip sucked in) whose parents have ben bustin their asses to make sure he's happy an how does he repay em","Seth: this isn't about you","Sandy: yes it is! because you're killing your mother and she is killing me","Seth: ya can't spend my entire life telling me everything that's wrong with Newport an then just expect i'm gonna go back (shrugs) ya can't do that","Sandy: Newport is your home, like it or not, when your eighteen an you've saved up enough money you can move far away from the parents you resent an the town you loathe","Seth: ya let Ryan go, why not me?","Sandy: we invited Ryan into our home, you don't get that choice-","Seth: (upset) yeah but you didn't even try an stop him i'm mean u- ya didn't even make an attempt","Sandy: ...Ryan had'a do what he had'a do","Seth: ok well so do I (leaves the table)","(Sandy watches him leave, stunned)","CUT TO: The beach - Marissa is at the life guard tower where Ryan first told them he was leaving. she is sitting down looking lost. she picks up a bottle of alcohol and drinks she then reaches into her bag and pulls out her phone and dials a number","CUT TO: Chino - Theresa and Ryan are in bed, the phone rings. Ryan rolls over and answers it","Ryan: hello","(Marissa is teary, just listening and not saying anything)","Ryan: hello (closes his eyes) who is this","(Marissa looks as though she wants to say something but she cant - Ryan lays there not saying anything, to me the look in his face looks as though he knows its Marissa - Marissa breathes heavily, still not saying anything - Ryan is still listening on the phone - Marissa starts to get upset then pulls the phone away from her ear and hangs up - Ryan closes his eyes and pulls the phone away from his ear, he opens them then hangs the phone up. we see Theresa is awake and looks worried)","CUT TO: Carson's house the next morning - Carson is in the kitchen and Sandy walks in","Carson: mornin","Sandy: morning","Carson: d'you want some coffee?","Sandy: please","Carson: yeah I make it kinda strong","Sandy: oh anything this side'a motoroil(?) I-I didn't sleep at all...i'm sorry about our little family drama last night","Carson: he's a good kid Sandy, he's a smart kid","Sandy: he-he's too smart (laughs)","Carson: (laughs) when is it that the kids get all the power","Sandy: oh they've always had the power y'know when there two years old your runnin after em, tryin'a make sure they don't get hurt an...well this is the teenage version'a that","(Seth comes in)","Seth: Carson, father","Sandy: son","Carson: i'm gonna go see what uh Luke wants for breakfast","Seth: hmm I believe that was just a convenient excuse to leave us to round two","Sandy: oh there is no round two...i'm backing your play","Seth: (confused) what? is this like a...Jedi mind trick or","Sandy: no I...I thought about what you said last night an...an I don't know what else to do...if this is really where you wanna be...I cant force ya to come back","Seth: (nods) so your letting me stay","Sandy: well at least I know your safe here...you know its better then draggin you home...so that when the next time you decide to run away y-y you might not leave a note you might not call","Seth: (nods) ...well thankyou...thankyou uh I you know i'm really sorry ta...drag you all the way up here","Sandy: (smiles) well it was worth it jus to see ya","Seth: (smiles) yeah you too","Sandy: so, look you know that I left home when I was your age and uh an I uh an I wanna say to you what I-I wish my parents had said to me","Seth: ooh (smiles)","Sandy: we love you (Seth nods) an the door is always open","Seth: yeah I know, I know","(Sandy looks at Seth, Seth looks at Sandy)","Seth: got a...sailing lesson at ten an I gotta...","Sandy: alright","Seth: thanks (Sandy nods)","(they hug tightly, Sandy closes his eyes - aww)","Sandy: take care of yourself huh","Seth: yeah, bye (waves)","CUT TO: Chino - Ryan walks out of their bedroom with an overnight type bag and drops it in the kitchen. Theresa is already in there","Theresa: hey, so uh we should probably leave in half hour","Ryan: I don't work Saturdays","Theresa: no, my doctors appointment","Ryan: uh...right","Theresa: (smiles) you forgot","Ryan: no, no I um...yeah I forgot (smiles) sorry","Theresa: (nods, smiles) (notices the bag) w-what's with the bag","Ryan: uh I was...gonna go ta Portland...actually (Theresa nods) before I remembered your doctors appointment","Theresa: ...except you didn't remember","Ryan: well i've ben to every doctor's appointment what're you sayin I don't care?","Theresa: no its jus plane tickets showing up (Ryan looks at her) phone calls in the middle of the night...what's going on","Ryan: look I left Newport to make life easier for everyone but it seems like all I did was make everything more complicated","Theresa: (nods, hurt) that's funny...I thought you left Newport to be with me","Ryan: I did (smiles) alright I jus...i've just gotta make things right with Seth","Theresa: (shrugs) why...it's not like you abandoned him","Ryan: well actually it kinda is...I just...I just took off I didn't really talk to him about it I... (Theresa nods & puts her head down) look i'm only goin'to Portland what are you afraid i'm gonna lose my construction job","Theresa: (smiles) I mean its just a check up y'know there'll be alotto sitting around reading old TV guides listening to bad musak, my mom loves that stuff","(Ryan sighs and walks over to her, he stands behind her)","Ryan: (softly) you sure","Theresa: (turns around to face him) yeah (nods)","Ryan: alright (kisses her on the cheek) I gotta run","(Ryan leaves, Theresa nods and looks sad)","[SCENE_BREAK]","CUT TO: The mansion - Marissa is sun baking by the pool, and listening to music. Julie walks over to her {Marissa has such an 'I can't be bothered' attitude with Julie, it is so funny to watch}","Julie: Marissa... (nearer to her) ugh Marissa you're not even ready","(Marissa shakes her head and makes an ' I can't hear you' motion)","Julie: take your head phones off","(Marissa does it again, lol)","Julie: (yells) I said take your head phones off","(Marissa lays her head back down completely ignoring Julie. frustrated Julie pushes a button on the music player)","Marissa: (annoyed) uh I was listening to that mom","Julie: we were suppose'to leave for cardio bar fifteen minutes ago","Marissa: oh, right (lays back again,lol) sorry (starts her music again)","Julie: (had enough) (un plugs the player from the ear phones) fine, i'm taking this away an your grounded","Marissa: (stands up) what're you talking about! (takes off her sunnies) you can't ground me","Julie: I most certainly can because I will not spend another minute living like this, all summer long you've ignored me acting like I don't even exist","Marissa: (scoffs) I wish","Julie: (shocked) what'did you say (Marissa just looks at her) (closes her eyes) why do we have'ta keep doing this, honey instead of shutting me out just tell me what's bothering you","Marissa: you really wanna know what's bothering me, do you, do you really wanna know what's on my mind","Julie: yes","(Marissa looks at Julie and screams as hard as she can {for anyone that's seen the preview of season 2. this is that incredible scream} Marissa does one long scream, then one short one. Julie watches stunned. Marissa screams again and throws the sun lounge she was sitting on, into the pool. it scares Julie. then Marissa picks up the table and throws it into the pool here I think she screams 'good' or 'god' I cant work out which. Marissa turns and glares at Julie with a very angry look, then walks away. Julie just watches helplessly)","CUT TO: Carson's house - Sandy is on the phone to the DA in the living room","Sandy: ok well thanks for the heads up Otis, i'm gonna talk to Caleb as soon as I get back into town","Carson (at the front door) Sandy, your cabs here","Sandy: (softly) alright thanks (Sandy picks up his bag - camera changes and he is now outside headed towards his cab, Ryan gets out and Sandy is suprised)","Sandy: oh, I had a feeling i'd see you here","Ryan: what, are you leavin?","Sandy: (shrugs) I took my shot...good luck (walks to the cab) an thanks","(Ryan looks at him then walks towards the house)","CUT TO: Cohen house - Kirsten opens the front door and Summer is standing there with a pink crate full of stuff","Kirsten: Summer, hello","Summer: (smiles) hey Mrs. Cohen, can I come in","Kirsten: y- sure (Summer walks in) is everything ok","(Summer puts the crate down on the stairs)","Summer: i'm here to get over Seth!","Kirsten: excuse me","Summer: well my therapist said the best thing I can do to move on in my life is to divest myself of all of Seth's - material - possessions (Kirsten looks at her confused) I gotta dump off a bunch of his crap","Kirsten: (understands) oh right, got it","Summer: my therapist said that it's uh my best chance at ever again vibrating at a high frequency","Kirsten: (confused) vibrating at a high frequency","Summer: Lynn Grabhorn (Kirsten still doesn't follow) excuse me your life is waiting...(explains) human beings have an electro-chemical currency running through us which is effected by our emotions, when your feeling happy or joyful that current or energy (Kirsten is listening) is vibrating at a higher frequency then when your feeling...sad or angry at lets say Seth Cohen, when your vibrating at a higher frequency your more likely to attract happy people then when you are vibrating at a low, sad, bitter at Cohen frequency, its the law of attraction and physics (picks up the crate)","Kirsten: you know where'to find his room","Summer: (on the stairs) thanks","Kirsten: Summer, for the record, if he wasn't my son...i'd do the same thing (smiles)","(Summer smiles then goes up the stairs - the camera changes and Summer is now entering Seth's room. she walks in slowly and stops. she puts the crate down on the floor and picks up Captain Oats from the table)","Summer: (softly) I hope we can still be friends","(Summer sighs and puts him back on the table, she bends down and lifts the crate over to Seth's bed. she dumps everything out on the bed then sadly looks around his room, after a little while she walks out and shuts the door)","CUT TO: Carson's house - Luke and Seth are walking inside","Luke: what'do ya say Cohen first up madden football","Seth: dude when're you gonna give up the sports games","Luke: why would I do that (to Carson who is in the kitchen) hey dad is dinner ready yet","Carson: got the grill goin...and we've got another guest","Seth: yeah who is it this time, my mom","(Ryan walks out. Seth slowly looks up, Ryan looks at him)","Seth: you I would not have guessed (waves)","Luke: what's goin on Chino?","Ryan: how're you guys (smiles)","(Luke and Ryan shake hands)","Seth: uh y'know good (shakes Ryan's hand) i'm sure your probably here to do my fathers bidding...but um I don't know you might as well stay for a burger right","Ryan: yeah (smiles)","(Seth is now outside cooking on the grill, Ryan is inside looking out at him, he walks out)","Ryan: hey man","Seth: hey","Ryan: ah so you learned how ta work a grill, you got a step up on your mom","Seth: oh i've learned alot this summer Ryan","Ryan: Portland seems nice","Seth: yeah","Ryan: from the airplane anyway","Seth: yeah its awesome, real people real weather, cute girls to","Ryan: so you an Summer...","Seth: (frowns) mm not so good actually she'll uh she'll probably never speak to me again (Ryan looks at him sympathetic) ah it's probably best she moves on though I mean I don't think we're gonna be seeing to much of each other that I live here now","Ryan: listen man i'm sorry if I-if I caused y-","Seth: (waves it off) dude honestly stop, you did not make me leave Newport ok (Ryan looks at him) if anything the truth'a the matter is, you probably made me stay a year longer then I should have (shrugs) honestly like boarding school Portland whatever, I was outta there sooner or later, I mean me an The O.C are a truly beatable combination","Ryan: well its still a pretty big deal, I mean droppin outta school living up here","Seth: I don't know, it use'to be perfectly normal for teenagers to board tram(?) steamers an travel the country","Ryan: that was the depression, they were looking for work","Seth: hobos are hot again","Ryan: so there's no chance of you goin back to Newport","Seth: ...are you (Ryan doesn't say anything) well then y'know (goes back to grilling)","Ryan: yeah but Seth I can't","Seth: (turns around) neither can I (walks away)","(Ryan stands there thinking)","CUT TO: The mansion - Jimmy is standing out the front near the stairs and Julie goes over to him with a drink","Jimmy: I gotta admit Jules, you've done well for yourself, its everything you always wanted","Julie: (smiles) be careful what you wish for","Jimmy: thanks (drinks) so whats'a matter what's goin on","Julie: aside from our daughter being the spawn of chucky an Keith Moon","Jimmy: (shakes his head) she is definitely goin through a hard time right now","Julie: m Jimmy, you have no idea the level four melt down I witnessed, there was lawn furniture in the pool","Jimmy: sounds like it constitutes a level five","Julie: sad part is, its the most honest conversation we've had yet (Jimmy listens) thank god Kaitlin's going away to boarding school this is no environment for a child, Marissa however is going to be seriously screwed up for the rest of her life, permanent damage Jimmy, unless we do something","Jimmy: like what","Julie: provide her with some semblance of a normal family dynamic, maybe Sunday dinners you can come over here with um (thinks)","Jimmy: Hailey","Julie: right, right...you two are still...","Jimmy: yeah we're doin great she's fantastic, sweet, limber...how bout you an Caleb","Julie: not so limber (Jimmy laughs) (smiles)","Jimmy: uh...ill help the best I can ok","Julie: thankyou, and for the record...I am...happy for you","Jimmy: (laughs) for the record I don't believe you but...for Marissa's sake ill-ill pretend to","CUT TO: Cohen house - Sandy answers the door and Caleb is there. he walks in, agitated","Caleb: I can't believe you talked to the DA's office yesterday and we're just talking now","Sandy: I was tryin'a bring your grandson home, he's staying...thanks for asking","Caleb: he's staying...w-would you like me to talk to him, I can be quite persuasive","Sandy: you better rest up, an stock pile some'a that persuasiveness","Caleb: why, what'did the DA say","Sandy: (nods) the clouds have gathered Cal, it's about to rain down on ya...on all of us (Caleb looks at him) so put your storm windows in if you know what I mean","Caleb: that bad huh","Sandy: get your house in order, the Newport group, the family, do it soon","(Caleb stands there thinking)","CUT TO: Carson's house - we hear the phone ringing, and see an ice hockey video game on the TV. Luke, Seth and Ryan are sitting on the couch together","Luke: c'mon Chino, try an hurt me...huh...make me feel pain (Seth looks at him) wound me","Seth: (to Ryan) think of all the money Luke saves on therapy playin these games","Ryan: (softly) mm I think he should still consider therapy","Luke: (heard) oooh your gonna pay for that","Carson: Ryan, telephone","Ryan: uh (hands the controller to Seth) (stands) good luck","Seth: (to Luke) ill wound you","Luke: (in the background) show you what i'm made of Cohen","Seth: (in the background) ok","Ryan: (takes the phone, answers) hello","(Theresa is sitting on their bed)","Theresa: Ryan","Ryan: hey (frowns) what's wrong","Theresa: ...I went to the doctors...for the check up (teary) and they couldn't find a heart beat...I lost the baby Ryan (Ryan listens, stunned) I guess in the first couple months this can happen","Ryan: ok uhh, ok i'm comin back i'm uh i'm gettin on the next flight and uh-","Theresa: no","Ryan: what","Theresa: I think...(upset) that maybe we should see this as a sign (Ryan listens) you know I think its a sign...Ryan your not happy with me, you haven't ben happy...the only reason you stayed is because of this baby...an now there isn't a baby","Ryan: you don't want me to come home","Theresa: ...you don't wanna come home","(we see Seth and Luke on the couch, Ryan comes into the shot just barely)","Seth: (turns around) hey, everything alright","(Seth and Luke both look at him)","Ryan: ...Theresa lost the baby...","(Ryan walks out of the room and Seth watches - camera changes and Ryan is now in a bedroom, he walks in and shuts the door, he walks over to the bed and sits down. he rubs his arm firmly. he's breathing heavily and his eyes are shut. he puts his head down, then lifts it up and opens his eyes, he has tears in his eyes {aww} we hear a knock then Seth walks in. he sits next to Ryan. Seth touches Ryan's back then just sits there with him not saying anything {you can tell Seth wants to be there for Ryan, but he's not sure how})","CUT TO: Theresa is still in their bedroom - she's upset and her mom opens the door","T's mom: did you tell him","(Theresa sniffs, then nods)","T's mom: (walks closer) did he believe you","Theresa: yeah I think so (sniffs) (T's mom sits next to her)","T's mom: it's for the best, for you an him, and for the baby","(Theresa nods then gets more upset, she hugs her mom and cries into her shoulder)","CUT TO: Carson's house - Ryan is outside on the balcony and Seth walks out and sits on the railing","Seth: what times your cab gettin here?","Ryan: any minute","Seth: ...what're you gonna do now","Ryan: I don't know, get my stuff outta Theresa's an...then i'm homeless again","Seth: have I sold you on the wonders of Portland (smiles) we could take our show on the road(?)","Ryan: I can't impose, besides I got this job...pays pretty well so...ill figure somethin out, what about you man","Seth: uh you know...jus keep teachin sailing, hang with Luke...his dads dating someone new so (laughs) that should be interesting","Ryan: sounds fun","Seth: plus you know...my parents are kinda ok with this now so its good cause y'know I don't have'to feel guilty or uh","Ryan: that's great man","Seth: (un convincingly) yeah its awesome (softly) it's awesome","(Luke comes to the door)","Luke: Chino your cabs here","(Seth looks at Ryan, the same look he had when Ryan left in 127 {aww - i also want to mention the song that plays through this scene is All The Arms Around You by Halloween Alaska, it is just so perfect for this scene and their situation})","Ryan: alright well (walks towards Seth) I guess this is it","Seth: (nods) hey don't be a stranger","Ryan: ...alright...see ya","(Ryan grabs his bag and walks away. Seth stays on the railing - we see Ryan walking out the front door, he starts walking towards the cab - Seth is thinking - Ryan walking to the cab - Seth thinking - we see Ryan from above getting close to the cab, as if Seth is looking at him from the balcony - Seth looks the other way and fidgets a little, we see his foot is going up and down like mad - we see Ryan from above, he's almost at the cab - Seth's foot still moving up and down - we see a close up of Ryan's head, then we see his hand on the cab door - we see Seth's foot quickly move out of the shot, and then we just see that Seth has jumped down from the railing, we then see inside the house, Seth runs through the kitchen and to the front door. he opens it and Ryan is standing on the other side - aww)","Seth: uh (laughs)","Ryan: (smiles) hey so uh I was thinkin","Seth: I was thinking too","(they both nod)","Seth: you know they don't even have a water polo team here, an that's jus gonna be a problem for me (nods) (Ryan blinks his eyes and nods) we don't have'to hug or anything like that right","Ryan: (shakes his head) nup","Seth: ok come on (motions for him to come inside)","(Ryan walks in and Seth has a huge smile on his face, he shuts the door)","CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - it's now night and Sandy and Kirsten are eating their dinner, neither are happy","Sandy: (swallows) I kinda like eating amongst the furniture it's...its cozy (Kirsten looks at him not impressed)","Seth: (heard in the background) hmm so we leave for like (Sandy and Kirsten both look up) three months you tear the whole place apart (Sandy gets up)","Kirsten: (suprised) your back! (Seth and Ryan both smile)","(Kirsten laughs, screams, runs and hugs both of them at the same time, they each have one hand on her back. Kirsten rubs both their backs)","Seth: there's a uh two for one special on brooding young men","Sandy: (to Ryan) are you comin back too","Ryan: uh yeah, yeah it's a long story but I figured this is where I belong so","Seth: yeah (hugs Sandy) (smiles) ah what he said (laughs)","(the four of them have huge smiles on their faces - aww)","Sandy: good, cause nobody leaves this family twice (Ryan and Sandy shake hands) welcome home","Ryan: thanks","CUT TO: The pool house - It is completely dark and Ryan opens the door. he walks in puts his bag down then turns the lights on, he turns around and shuts the door, just as he does Seth goes to walk in and the door squashes him,lol","Seth: hey, what's goin on (shuts the door)","(Ryan walks in and looks around)","Seth: alright (Ryan sighs) so, good to be back","Ryan: yeah, yeah it is, you","Seth: (shrugs) my room felt...so much smaller to me, I don't know or perhaps i've grown quite a bit in the last few months (Ryan frowns) Summer had ben there though she um... dumped everything an anything that reminded her of me so that should be really fun come Monday","Ryan: yeah, Mondays gonna suck (sighs)","Seth: do you need anything, want me to um (raises his eyebrows) fire up the grill because Ryan (points) I can do that","Ryan: no i'm good, i'm good, tired but good","Seth: well then (waves, and goes to leave)","Ryan: hey wait wait uh (Seth turns back) how'd you make it all the way to Portland from Newport in that little catamaran","Seth: (nods) mm (motions for him to sit) well Ryan si'down my son","(Ryan puts his hands together and nods his head, then sits on the bed)","Seth: (dramatic) it was a long an torturous journey and i'm not gonna...i'm not gonna sugar coat any'a the details for you","Ryan: please don't","Seth: cause we're friends (sits, sighs) first uh-hm I sailed to Catalina","Ryan: hm","Seth: then I sailed to Santa Barbara (Ryan raises his eyebrows) Santo Barbara I ran outta snacks, freaked out a little bit, pawned my boat for cash, took a grey hound ta Portland","Ryan: you took a bus","Seth: yeah, but don't say it like that it was a local ok have you ever ben on one'a those, not for the faint of heart","Ryan: (softly) I can't believe after all that you took a bus","Seth: yeah I think we're definitely gonna have'ta...come up with a better story for school though, that'd be good","Ryan: no, no I like the bus idea it's cool","Seth: ok but what about maybe um...(sniffs) boat sank saved by whales, its very whale rider","Ryan: what else you got?","Seth: I-I took the boat, boat sank saved by mermaids (heard as we fade out from the pool house) boat sank stranded on a desert island uh","(we fade out to a wide shot of the pool house and you can only just see them through the glass windows - fade out)"],"Show Title":"The O.C.","Episode Number":"02x01","Episode Title":"The Distance","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_O.C._02x08.json","Recap":["After Caleb's reveal, Lindsay and Ryan grapple with their relationship: Is Lindsay Ryan's aunt or his girlfriend? Meanwhile, Summer meets Zach's family and it doesn't go so well. In the end it's an anniversary to remember as Sandy Cohen surprises Kirsten with a serenade at the Bait Shop. But Marissa ends up alone as D.J. leaves Newport Beach."],"Transcript":["Opening scene - The first image we see is an empty breakfast bowl with a spoon in it, we then see cereal being poured into the bowl, the box says sunshine something. we can now see that Ryan is the one pouring the cereal, he puts the cereal box down and pours some milk in. just before he finishes pouring the milk, the phone rings. he puts the milk down, frowns then bends down and takes a mouthful of cereal out of the bowl before leaning over to answer the phone {typical guy, lol}","Ryan: (mouth full) Cohen residence","(Seth is on the other end of the phone, we aren't sure where he is yet)","Seth: (softly) Ryan hey good I was hopin you'd answer (whispers) if your alone cough twice","Ryan: i'm alone","Seth: kay it's not as stealth but it works too","Ryan: (frowns) where are you","Seth: well you remember last night when I said that I was going'ta bed","Ryan: (frowns) didn't happen huh","Seth: uh no it did jus...not my bed (starts walking) but I did bring my favourite pillow","(Seth puts the phone on his shoulder so his hands are free, and grabs his shoe off a shelf then bends down to put it on. in the background we see Alex in her bra, pulling on a top)","Seth: you know the really fluffy one (sees Alex) hey (grabs his other shoe)","Alex: hmm sure you don't wanna stick around for a little (sexy look) hooome schooling","Seth: (points) maybe I do","Ryan: Seth your parents are both awake","Seth: yeah yeah that's why I need you to cover for me","Ryan: yeah, let me think about that","(we see Seth waiting for Ryan's reply, and he's trying to undo the buttons on his shirt one handed. Alex starts doing it for him)","Ryan: no (goes to eat more cereal)","Seth: Ryan think of my parents for a second ok they don't wanna know (touches Alex's nose cutesy) I spent all night with a lady, it's only gonna hurt an upset them (Alex finishes undoing the buttons and pulls Seth's shirt open, he has a black shirt on underneath. Alex sits down on the couch and pulls Seth down with her) you know how fragile they are in the mornings, ok thankyou (hangs up)","CUT TO: Sandy and Kirsten's bedroom - Sandy is busy fixing his tie and Kirsten comes up behind him. she puts her hands on his shoulders and smiles. Sandy is suprised","Kirsten: (smiles) hello","Sandy: (smiles) weeell top o'the morning to you too (laughs)","Kirsten: mm (moves her head to the other side) Happy Anniversary (Sandy looks suprised by this)","Sandy: (softly) ...yeeeaah...Happy Anniversary to you as well (you can clearly tell he forgot that it was their anniversary, it's just hard to convey his look, in words)","Kirsten: (eyes closed) mmm, I love you (rubs Sandy's shoulders)","Sandy: oooh I (turns to face Kirsten) I love you too","(Kirsten has a smile on her face, and her hands on Sandy's shoulders. they kiss {aww} Kirsten puts her hands around Sandy's neck and they hug)","Sandy: oooh I love you more now then I did nineteen years ago","Kirsten: mm, you mean you love me more now then you did the year after we got married","Sandy: (closes his eyes, knowing he's in trouble) noooo com- honey come on (they stop hugging) (big smile, laughs) no you know what i'm sayin, that newly wed year that doesn't count that's a given","Kirsten: you don't know how long we've ben married","Sandy: (laughs) no, nooo I was kiddin ya, I know it's our twentieth, wh (shakes his head) how could I forget that, who forgets their twentieth anniversary","(Sandy kisses Kirsten on the cheek, and Kirsten looks skeptical)","Kirsten: hm","Sandy: huh (walks away)","Kirsten: apparently you (turns to face Sandy)","Sandy: no, not me (Kirsten looks at him) if I had thought this was our nineteenth anniversary, I would not have planned a celebration...only worthy...of a twentieth","Kirsten: you planned something...","Sandy: yeeeaah (nods) it's gonna be awesome (nods, looks at his watch) I gotta go","(Sandy leaves and Kirsten looks upset)","CUT TO: The kitchen - Ryan is in there getting ready for school and Sandy rushes in","Sandy: hey, need a ride to school like this second","Ryan: (avoids eye contact) uh no thanks actually I was jus gonna take my bike so, see ya","Sandy: (grabs Ryan) do not leave me, not now, an where the hell is Seth I need reinforcements","Ryan: uh (backs away) s-Seth left early for school...","(Kirsten walks in)","Kirsten: he did (frowns) he never leaves early for school","Ryan: yeah he had a report to finish I think","Sandy: (suprised) a report, about what","Ryan: (thinks) (matter of factly) the history of agriculture in twentieth century California (Sandy looks at him)","Kirsten: wow, that's specific","Ryan: yep (looks at Sandy then Kirsten) Happy Anniversary (smiles) (starts to leave)","Sandy: hey kid, I was a public defender for many years (Ryan stops and looks back) i've ben lied to by the best (turns to face Ryan) he snuck out to see his girlfriend didn't he","(Ryan looks at Sandy blankly, Sandy looks at Ryan)","Kirsten: ugh (closes her eyes) no he didn't","(Kirsten looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at them both as though he's thinking then makes a 'fraid so' expression)","Theme song - California by Phantom Planet {Tate Donovan is no longer in the opening credits} Harbor school - Seth and Ryan are in the student lounge, walking with their coffees","Seth: (in disbelief) the history of agriculture in twentieth century California","Ryan: eh","Seth: Ryan, the key to lying is to remain vague (Ryan looks at him) have I taught you nothing","Ryan: look i'm not a good liar alright","Seth: yeah well when it comes ta (points) having a relationship (Ryan looks at him) with Lindsay, you seem to not have such a problem","Ryan: I know, well we're both in trouble now (sits on the couch)","Seth: yeah i'd feel bad about it (sits next to Ryan) but I don't know you kinda deserve it after that","Ryan: ok, you know what next time find someone else to cover for ya (puts his feet up on the table)","Seth: (looks at Ryan) cover for me (puts his finger up) let me tell you something (dramatic) if we were buddy cops an (Ryan looks at him) sometimes I like to think that we are (points) i'd be riddled with bullets right now","(Summer and Zach walk up to them)","Summer: hey guys","at the same time:","Seth: hey","Ryan: hey","(Summer sits down on the couch opposite Ryan and Seth)","Zach: (to Seth) did'you read the new Whedon X-men (sits next to Summer)","Seth: I did (points) an ill tell you my problems with it, there three fold","Summer: ok it is too early for comic book talk (Seth looks at Summer) (to Zach) are you getting a coffee (smiles)","Zach: (smiles) yeah, i'm getting two (touches Summer's arm)","Summer: (laughs) thankyou sweetie (Zach gets up)","Seth: (to Ryan) hm, isn't it interesting how Summer is (points) constantly drawn (Ryan looks at him) to the lovers of comic books","Summer: (nods) yes Cohen Zach does read comic books but Zach also plays water polo and looks like the guy in the Abercrombie ad (raises eyebrows)","Seth: (sarcastic) ooooh (Ryan looks at Seth)","Summer: where you read comic books an you (frowns) wear the same clothes (laughs) that you slept in (points)","Seth: (puts finger up) ah excuse me, I did not sleep in these clothes","Summer: oh ok so putting on the same skeezy shirt from yesterdays a choice, good to know","Seth: no (smug) that was just all I had","Summer: oh what did you like shack at your girlfriends last night (Ryan looks from Summer to Seth out of the corner of his eye) an do the walk of shame to school this morning (Seth avoids eye contact with her) (thrown) ...so you shacked at Alex's...uh you guys are (raises eyebrows) shacking","Ryan: the washing machine broke","Summer: you know no offence Ryan but your a really bad liar (Seth looks at Ryan, worried) (laughs) I-its cool you guys, I don't care or anything","Seth: no, hey I know","(Summer looks sad, Zach comes back with the coffee)","Zach: (smiles) there you go (puts coffee on the table)","Summer: you know what I can't drink coffee this early (Zach looks at her, confusede) it jus like makes me nauseous, sorry (stands up)","(Zach watches Summer leave, confused. then looks at Ryan and Seth who both put their hands out as if to say' I don't know')","CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - Julie and Caleb are sitting out on the patio. Julie is scoping out the scenery and Caleb is reading the newspaper","Julie: (off screen) if we shoot this way we get the house (on screen, points) but if we shoot the reverse we get the pool an the oceans so (turns, points) square footage (turns) or spectacular views, oh, Cal (Caleb doesn't answer) Cal! (Caleb looks over) (annoyed) this photo shoot is important you could at least feign interest","Caleb: which is exactly what i'm doing","(Marissa comes over)","Marissa: I need money","Julie: well good morning to you too (Marissa smirks) so listen Riviera magazine wants to do a big photo spread on us (smiles) now I think its a great opportunity for us to demonstrate the resilience an strength of our family, its wonderful exposure","Marissa: (under her breath) any chance to expose yourself hmm","Julie: promise me you'll be here an you'll wear something Marc Jacobs an you won't be off with your (pointed) boyfriend","Marissa: so I can smile an pretend like we're this happy family","Julie: (matter of factly) then I can't give you any money","Caleb: (fed up) for the love of god","(Caleb stands up, and Julie looks at him. Caleb holds money out to Marissa)","Marissa: (takes the money) (to Caleb) thankyou (looks at Julie then leaves)","Julie: great, way to undercut my power (looks at Caleb)","Caleb: I happen to agree with her, we are far from the perfect family an I see no point lying about it publicly","(Caleb walks off and Julie watches him, suprised)","CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Lindsay are in a classroom together","Ryan: the thing is, even if I wanted ta lie about it I cant, I cant lie","Lindsay: (confused) w-what'do you mean you have like a moral objection (looks at Ryan)","(they are now walking in the hallway)","Ryan: no I mean I can't do it, I suck at it","Lindsay: oh (thinks) like the whole time you try to pretend like you didn't really like me","Ryan: (smiles) ah","Lindsay: yeah, I didn't buy that for a second","Ryan: yeah, thanks (Lindsay laughs) I jus think it's a matter'a time before Kirsten catches on I mean she's already pretty mad at Seth an Sandy","Lindsay: well we'll...tell her...um (stops at her locker) could we...wait a little bit (Ryan frowns) Kirsten an I had plans to go to the big swap meet? at the rose bowl an I mean we'd check out, you know Shakespeare by the sea (Ryan looks reluctant) ...the point is (looks at Ryan) we're...still getting to know each other","Ryan: I know, I just don't wanna have'ta lie about it","Lindsay: I don't wanna? have to either...believe me (Ryan closes his eyes) I could...still come over tonight...(moves closer to Ryan) an say we're going'to study","Ryan: (raises his eyebrows) mmm","Lindsay: (pushes Ryan playfully) an really study (smiles)","Ryan: ok, yeah sounds good","Lindsay: (smiles) we'll tell em soon, I promise","(they kiss, Lindsay breaks the kiss then she walks away, Ryan follows)","CUT TO: Cohen kitchen that night - Kirsten is sitting at the counter reading, and drinking. Sandy is on the phone","Sandy: ooooh thankyou that sounds wonderful (Kirsten looks at Sandy) uh, we'll see you then (hangs up)","(Sandy looks at Kirsten, Kirsten is looking down avoiding Sandy)","Sandy: alright it was gonna be a suprise but seein how this is our twentieth anniversary I (puts his hands out) (shrugs) I gotta tell ya, this weekend I am taking you, my beautiful bride of twenty years to the fabulous Montage hotel an resort in breathtaking - Laguna beach","Kirsten: (not looking up) the Montage gave you a reservation at the last minute","Sandy: last minute w-what the phone call (holds up the phone) no, that was me reconfirming (Kirsten looks at him, skeptical) I was jus makin sure they didn't give away our suite that I had booked so many...weeks in advance","Kirsten: regardless of when you made the reservation, I don't think we should leave Seth alone right now","Sandy: Seth is not gonna be a problem, not after I get done disciplining him (Kirsten looks at him, worried) fear'a god honey...you'll see","(Kirsten looks at Sandy unconvinced, we hear a door open in the background)","Sandy: start packin your bags (yells) Seth - Ezekiel (walks towards the kitchen entrance) kitchen - now (turns back to face Kirsten) an bring Mr. history of agriculture with ya","(Seth slowly walks into the kitchen, followed by Ryan. Sandy walks over and stands next to Kirsten. Seth and Ryan stand at the opposite end of the counter, Seth makes a small wave at them)","Sandy: so what'dya have to say for yourself","(Seth turns on the side and puts his hand on his hip and looks at Ryan as if he thinks Sandy is talking to Ryan, and not him. Ryan looks at Seth, then Sandy as if to say, he's talking to you not me. Seth realises and looks at Sandy)","Seth: oh (Ryan looks down) uh i'm sorry (Kirsten and Sandy look at him) an also it was an accident it was not intentional we were watching TV...an we fell asleep...like mom does every time we put on a movie","Kirsten: I do not! i'm just resting my eyes","Sandy: (looks at Kirsten, then the boys) your both grounded (Seth makes a sarcastic 'yay' motion, Ryan isn't happy) no goin out, no phones, no TV no video games (to Seth's yay) don't be a smart ass (Seth looks away) do you know what this weekend is","Seth: (shrugs) sure it's your twentieth anniversary","(Sandy looks at Seth, stunned. Kirsten looks at Sandy. Ryan and Seth look at them both)","Sandy: that's right, it is...an I have ben looking forward to this weekend for quite a while","Kirsten: uh-hm","Sandy: (looks at Kirsten, then back at the boys) look, we wanna go away for the weekend (Seth and Ryan look at him) an if we cant trust you by yourselves...you'll have to stay with your grandfather, which means you'll be spending the weekend with Julie Cooper","(Seth and Ryan look at each other, wide eyed)","at the same time:","Seth: you can trust us","Ryan: no more lying","Sandy: good, now go do your homework (Seth walks out of the kitchen towards his bedroom, and Ryan heads towards the backyard to get to the pool house. both of them look freaked out {lol}","Sandy: (pleased with himself) nothin like a little Julie Cooper to strike terror in the hearts'a children everywhere","Kirsten: (smiles\/laughs) hm its very impressive","Sandy: so, shall I schedule a couple's massage (starts to dial)","CUT TO: Summer's bedroom - Summer is lying on her bed, on her stomach and Marissa is sitting cross legged in a chair, doing her homework","Marissa: hmm, do you know what the gender for maizon(?) is","Summer: what","Marissa: (looks at Summer) maizon...our French homework","Summer: right...French (frowns) you know half of Orange County speaks Spanish an we're learning how to order braguettes(?)","Marissa: ok, someone's in a mood","Summer: (looks at Marissa) no i'm not","(Marissa looks at Summer then goes back to her homework, Summer goes back to her homework then looks up at Marissa)","Summer: look it jus- it wasn't suppose'ta happen like this, I was suppose'ta have s*x first","Marissa: (looks at Summer) what're you talking about","Summer: (sulky) Cohen, he spent the night at his (immature tone) girlfriends, there obviously doing it","Marissa: what happens with Seth an Alex (shrugs) has nothing to do with you and Zach","Summer: I know, but I always thought that I would have s*x first an that Cohen would catch syphilis in a public toilet (cheesy grin)","Marissa: (shrugs) you cant rush it, you have'ta wait till your ready","Summer: (thinks) you know what Coop you are right (nods) wanna know what I just realised (Marissa looks at her) that Zach an I are ready, man are weeee ready, whoo","Marissa: (sits forward) maybe we should take a break","Summer: (ignoring her) what's French for, lets have s*x...{spelt as it sounds} voolay poolay something or other, I mean (frowns) why don't they ever teach us anything we can use","CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is lying on his bed studying, and Lindsay knocks then walks in. Ryan looks over towards her","Lindsay: so this is you grounded huh (smiles)","Ryan: (walks over to her) suprised they even let you in","Lindsay: well I promised i'm over here'ta study","Ryan: ahhhh (kisses Lindsay)","Lindsay: mm (breaks the kiss) which we're here to do","Ryan: right, right study (falls back on the bed) got it (sits up) ahhh","(Lindsay sits down next to Ryan and gets her book out, Ryan picks his up from the bed and opens it then breathes out. he looks over at Lindsay and Lindsay notices then looks up at him. she hits Ryan's book with her hand, then points as if to say 'study!')","Ryan: yep (looks back at his book) study","CUT TO: Cohen living room - Kirsten is sitting on the couch watching TV and Sandy walks in from the kitchen holding 2 bowls of ice-cream","Sandy: so (feeling guilty) look not that we were wrong to punish em but y'know maybe we're handling this in the wrong way","Kirsten: hmm (Sandy hands her ice-cream) ah, post grounding guilt (Sandy sits next to her) your such a convincing hard ass (looks at Sandy) but deep down your such a softy","Sandy: well if all we do is send em to their rooms to do their homework","Kirsten: mm","Sandy: (shrugs) what're they gonna learn","Kirsten: their homework","Sandy: mm, well if as parents (swallows) we're spose'ta be setting a good example how can we do that if their not even in the same room with us","Kirsten: so you wanna cancel this weekend","Sandy: or maybe we could log some quality parent child time right now","Kirsten: watching TV...?","Sandy: why not (looks at the TV) its Bill O'reily (Kirsten looks at him) that'll be (laughs) punishment enough (Kirsten smiles) let me get Seth","(Sandy gets up and goes to get Seth, Kirsten smiles as he walks away)","CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - we can see it from the outside and gradually the camera moves up so we can see into the bedroom through his window","Sandy: alright, I know I sent you off to start serving time- (stops suddenly)","(we see Seth with one leg in his bedroom, and one leg out of his window, he stops when he sees Sandy {busted, lol} Seth smiles and waves at Sandy, Sandy is not impressed at all)","Sandy: (stunned) you've gotta be kidding me","CUT TO: The pool house - we see an outside shot of the pool house, then we see Lindsay's jacket close up just sitting there, the camera moves up slowly so we then see that Lindsay is lying on her back, on the bed. Ryan is on top of her shirtless, holding himself up by his arm, we hear some giggles and a kissing noise","Ryan: i'm really starting to get the hang'a this physics thing","(more kissing)","Lindsay: mm physics an motion?","(they kiss some more, which is starting to get heated. there is a knock at the door, they both look over just in time to see Kirsten open the door)","Kirsten: are y- (completely stunned)","(Ryan and Lindsay look at Kirsten. we can now see that Ryan's lower body is against Lindsay's, and Lindsay has her leg bent, touching Ryan's thigh. Kirsten looks as though she's going to be sick)","Kirsten: (puts her hand up) oh - my - god (leaves and slams the door)","(Ryan looks worried, Lindsay almost looks relieved)","CUT TO: Cohen house the next morning - Kirsten and Sandy are coming out of their bedroom, headed towards the kitchen","Kirsten: we can't leave the boys alone (Sandy looks at her) we have'ta cancel","Sandy: w-w- we deserve this weekend, believe me after the lecture I gave Seth last night he wont open another window again much less climb outta one","Kirsten: Seth, i'm more pre occupied with Ryan an my sister","Sandy: well I-I understand but we cannot fight a war on multiple fronts, have we learned nothing from the Nazis (Kirsten looks at Sandy)","(they are now at the entrance to the kitchen, they both stop suddenly and stare ahead. we see what they are looking at which is alot of food on the kitchen counter, 3 plates of pancakes, some fruit etc. Ryan and Seth are standing behind the food, with big grins)","Seth: good morning","Ryan: morning","Seth: (points) who wants blueberry pancakes","Ryan: banana (points, smiles)","Seth: or if you're feeling sinful, chocolate chip","Kirsten: not gonna happen","Sandy: too little too late","Kirsten: nice try","Sandy: no way","Ryan: I wanted'ta tell you about Lindsay (Seth points at Ryan, then Sandy and Kirsten))","Kirsten: you were too busy studying, believe me, I saw","Seth: (to Ryan) ouch, tag out (Ryan looks at him) ok dad first of all, i'm really sorry an now I know your not gonna believe this but-","Sandy: you were doin chin ups on the window sill, right","Seth: (to Ryan) ah he's good (Ryan looks from Sandy to Seth) tag in (Seth looks away)","Ryan: you trusted us, we lied to you there's-there's no excuse","(Sandy and Kirsten look at them both)","Seth: yeah so we jus want you ta know that whatever punishment you decide on (claps, looks at Ryan) we're fine with","Ryan: (looks at them) absolutely","Sandy: you guys have no idea how badly you screwed up, no more apologies (Ryan looks down) no more pancakes, you come home straight home after school, capiche","Seth: yeah but about the pancakes (points) we still have a batch going (Sandy looks at him, not amused) ...ca-piche","(Ryan and Seth both walk out of the kitchen slowly, with their heads down)","Kirsten: we can't leave them alone","Sandy: what, so we get punished too, give me the day to deal with this put some bars on the window i'll find out what's really goin on","Kirsten: well I found out enough last night (looks at Sandy)","Sandy: honey, we are gonna celebrate our anniversary (kisses Kirsten's cheek) an the kids are not gettin in the way (Kirsten half smiles)","CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - DJ pulls up in his truck, to pick Marissa up for school. he gets out and smiles\/wave at Marissa who has just come down the stairs. Marissa smiles and waves back","Julie: Marissa, honey, wait please","Marissa: (sighs) i'm late for school","Julie: I jus wanted'ta remind you about the photo shoot tomorrow","Marissa: great, still not coming (walks away)","Julie: Marissa, honey uh- (Marissa stops and turns) look...I know things haven't ben very easy around here, everything with Caleb an...your father leaving (Marissa stares at her, then closes her eyes) but this is the only family we have an I really want it to work (Marissa looks at her) an not just for the photo shoot, you know maybe we should take that trip to portervoyarter?","Marissa: (scoffs) so now your bribing me","Julie: does that mean you'll be there","Marissa: (thinks) you know what, sure, ill even bring DJ (turns away)","Julie: Marissa (Marissa turns back) he's not even our yard guy anymore, you understand this was a portrait of our lives","Marissa: an DJ is apart of my life, so ill see if he's free an we'll get back to you (smiles, then walks away)","(Julie sighs)","CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Lindsay are walking into their physics class","Lindsay: iiiiii am so sorry...I ran away I-I should've...stayed an...apologised","Ryan: no, be happy you took off (pulls Lindsay's chair out for her) 'sides it was my fault anyway I... kinda knew we weren't gonna study","Lindsay: (sits) (laughs) yeah","Ryan: yeah","Lindsay: well we...both knew we weren't going to study (Ryan sits) you at least had honourable intentions (Ryan looks at her) towards Kirsten...not me (laughs)","Ryan: (smiles) right","Lindsay: ...well, least she knows right...an probably just (shrugs) needs a little time to get use to it (smiles)","Ryan: ...how much time are we talkin about","Lindsay: (shakes her head as if to say ' who knows') no ill talk to her, I mean I need to talk to her, I mean after all we're sisters","Ryan: yeah...that's kinda the problem (looks at Lindsay)","(Lindsay smiles\/laughs. Ryan looks worried, Lindsay looks worried as well, but not as much)","CUT TO: The Bait Shop - Alex is standing at the bar pulling out glasses from a crate and putting them on the top, a man in a suit comes down the stairs, when Alex starts talking we cant yet see the mans head","Alex: (looks over) hey look the managers not here right now but he has all the permits so","(the man comes off the stairs and we can now see that is Sandy)","Sandy: i'm not the cops (walks towards Alex) much worse...i'm Seth's dad","Alex: (looks at Sandy) that is worse (walks passed Sandy continuing to work)","Sandy: well I came to apologise for keepin Seth from sneakin outta the house to see ya last night it- its a terrible thing leavin ya hangin like that","Alex: (nods) ah-huh (walks passed again) you want me to stop seeing him don't you","Sandy: yeah (Alex leans over the bar and grabs something from behind, Sandy looks away) but seein how he's a teenage boy an you've got tattoos an run a rock 'n' roll club i'm not expectin any miracles","Alex: so what is this, a warning","Sandy: whoa your a little edgy around figures of authority aren't ya (Alex gives Sandy a look, but Sandy has her back to him) hey no bar nuts, what kinda joint is this","Alex: ill get right on it (smiles)","Sandy: (leans on the bar) your a bartender, you listen to peoples problems (faces Alex) hear mine, this is my twentieth anniversary (sighs) or is suppose'ta be (Alex is listening) its not goin so well...an now...my wife is convinced she can't leave Seth alone","Alex: you need me ta baby-sit","Sandy: cute","Alex: you think i'm corrupting him","Sandy: (walks towards Alex) I think your a smart girl (Alex looks down) an I think he'll listen to ya...more then he's gonna listen to his parents right now","Alex: (thrown)...wow uh-hm, no dad has ever asked me to straighten out his son before","Sandy: (shakes his head) I really don't like goin behind his back but I-I I think sometimes in order to be a good dad you gotta be a bad guy","(Alex looks at Sandy and nods, Sandy looks at Alex)","Alex: (almost sad) ...don't have much experience with good dads (smiles\/laughs, then looks away)","Sandy: hey well listen you stop over at the house any time, Kirsten an I 'll be very happy to ground you too","(Sandy walks away, and Alex watches him. {they both seem to have different ideas about each other compared to when Sandy first walked in, it's definitely a touching scene}}","CUT TO: Harbor school - Zach is in the student lounge and Summer comes in and goes over to him","Summer: (touches Zach's arm) hi","Zach: oh (they kiss) hello","Summer: (smiles) hey (takes Zach's hand) so, I have ben thinking (they head towards the couches) maybe we could do something tonight...just you an I...alone","Zach: iiii've gotta pick up my sister from the airport tonight","(they sit on the couch together)","Summer: (concerned) oh why is she handicapped or something","Zach: no, she's just (smiles) she's ben out of the country I haven't seen her for like a year","Summer: got it (laughs) well, so anyways we've ben dating...for a few months now and I really like you","Zach: cool, I like you too (smiles)","Summer: cool (laughs) well I was thinking maybe we could take this to the next step","Zach: (smiles) your totally right Summer, i've actually ben thinking about it for a while I just, I didn't wanna rush","Summer: (eager) oh lets rush (smiles)","Zach: ok then uh this weekend","Summer: this weekend is puuuur-fect (touches Zach's chest)","Zach: good, ill call my parents an let em know","Summer: (suprised) wow (frowns) you really keep your parents informed huh","Zach: well if there going to be meeting my girlfriend I think they should probably know (Summer realises they werent talking about the same thing) and this works perfectly with Abigail being back in town, so like lunch tomorrow (Summer just smiles, not saying anything) great (kisses Summer on the cheek)","Summer: mmm","Zach: (smiles) this is gonna be great (gets up)","Summer: mm-hmm, yes nice...","(Summer looks worried)","[SCENE_BREAK]","CUT TO: Seth riding his skate board outside - we then see him walking up to Alex's door, he knocks and Alex opens the door","Seth: hello (walks in) i'm here for my after school tutorial in the art of gettin it on","(Seth goes to kiss Alex, and Alex puts her hand on his mouth and pulls away)","Seth: (Alex's hand still on his mouth) is this the advanced class (playfully bites Alex's fingers)","Alex: I don't feel good (walks to the couch)","Seth: (shuts the door) alright, well maybe my magic hands can be of service","(Seth sits down next to Alex and goes to massage her shoulder, Alex closes her eyes and pulls his hand away, she looks at him seriously)","Alex: what're we doing","Seth: I call this part preppin the oven (rubs his hands together and puts his hadn back on her shoulder)","Alex: no what (pulls Seth's hand away) are we doing in the larger sense","Seth: (looks at Alex) ...did something happen","Alex: (sighs) (looks at Seth) your parents are worried about you...","Seth: my parents, how would you even know about-","(Seth looks at Alex, Alex looks at Seth. Seth realises)","Seth: did my dad come by the club","Alex: your dad...stopped by the club (sits back)","(Seth buries his head in his hands)","Seth: ooooh (looks up) that's embarrassing (sits back)","Alex: i've never listened to my own parents, suddenly I feel compelled to listen to yours","Seth: Sandy Cohen has that affect on people","(Alex stands up and looks at Seth)","Seth: so your gonna need some space...","Alex: i'm gonna need some space","Seth: (sits forward) yep, probably a little time (stands)","Alex: definitely some time (opens the door) (Seth walks to the door) i'm sorry","Seth: (hurt) cool (walks out)","Alex: but tell your parents Happy Anniversary","(Alex shuts the door and turns around, she looks sad)","CUT TO: Cohen backyard, its now night - Kirsten is lying on a sun lounge with a drink in her hand, looking sad. Sandy runs out to her, holding a beer","Sandy: the cars got a full tank'a gas, an tomorrow we can head right down (sits with Kirsten)","Kirsten: you can't be serious (drinks)","Sandy: the boys'll be fine at Caleb's, I talked to Seth's girlfriend she's a bit of a character but (shrugs) she seems like a good kid","Kirsten: is that why Seth isn't home yet (Sandy is suprised) i'm not letting the boys stay with Julie Cooper, but they can't be left alone","Sandy: honey, there teenagers, they like girls","Kirsten: one of which happens to be my sister","Sandy: so what w-w-w what we're gonna forbid em","Kirsten: well not you, you wouldn't forbid them anything your too busy being there best friend, i'm the one that has to enforce all the rules","Sandy: i've never done more grounding then I have in the last twenty four hours","Kirsten: who let Seth run away'ta Portland","Sandy: what we're talkin about this now","Kirsten: an who went up there an told him he could stay","Sandy: (yells) it's a good thing I did, if I had let you drag him home we could'a lost him forever","Kirsten: (yells) yeah but that's why this is happening, because he thinks he can do whatever he wants an you'll jus keep me from coming down on him","Sandy: you think somebody can stop you from comin down on somebody","Kirsten: right, (angry) an I should find it adorable that you forgot - our - anniversary","(Sandy looks at Kirsten, Kirsten looks at Sandy hurt then looks away)","Sandy: (calmer) could we please talk about this later","Kirsten: (pointed) we have all weekend I cancelled the reservations","(Sandy drinks his beer)","CUT TO: Cohen living room - Sandy is sitting on the couch quietly drinking coffee, he sees Seth come down the stairs. Seth sees Sandy and starts to go back up the stairs","Sandy: oh hey hey hey hey hey (motions) come come come on...let's do this thing (Seth reluctantly walks in) so what's goin on with you (sits forward) huh (Seth shrugs) where'd this bizarro Seth come from","Seth: nice comic book reference (sits in the armchair)","Sandy: so...you spent the night at this girls house...are ya...are ya havin s*x","Seth: no dad you don't have'ta worry about that ever happening now that you showed up at the club an...worked your magic","Sandy: i'm sorry but you left me no choice...what'did we do, are ya angry at us","Seth: (closes his eyes, shakes his head) no","Sandy: then it's about the girl","Seth: I jus you know, whenever i'm around her I feel like I constantly have'ta prove to her...that I deserve ta be around her","Sandy: even if it's at the expense of your parent's relationship","(Seth looks at Sandy, before anyone has a chance to say anything Ryan comes out of the kitchen. Sandy looks over at him)","Sandy: hey, come on in here (motions to Ryan) join the party","(Ryan reluctantly walks over to them)","Sandy: so, the last time I checked in with you (Ryan sits on the arm of Seth's chair) you an Lindsay were headed inta the friend's zone","Ryan: we were...","Sandy: (sits back) you lied to us","Ryan: I know an i'm sorry","Sandy: well you know what i'm afraid its a little late for apologies...from any of us (Ryan and Seth both look as though they feel bad) my wedding anniversary weekend is uh...officially ruined","Ryan: (thinks) how can we help","(Seth looks at Sandy, Sandy looks at Ryan then Seth, half smiling)","CUT TO: Kirsten's office - Kirsten is working at her desk, and there is a knock. Kirsten looks up and Lindsay is standing in the doorway","Lindsay: hey","Kirsten: hey","Lindsay: (walks in) um I-I called your house an...Sandy said you might be here","Kirsten: I-I had some...work ta finish","Lindsay: right...right um","(Kirsten isn't looking at Lindsay, both are clearly uncomfortable)","Lindsay: i'm sorry (Kirsten looks at her) you know Ryan an I started seeing each other before I-I found out about everything an-an then (shrugs) iiiit all happened so fast an...it was alot (Kirsten looks down) (shakes her head) I never wanted...to upset you","Kirsten: I know...an I-I probably over reacted","Lindsay: no it...was embarrassing","Kirsten: ...Lindsay...maybe you an I need to take some time (Lindsay looks upset) accepting Ryan into my home as my son was a huge - deal for me...(Lindsay looks down, then at her) an taking you in as my sister, which I am thrilled about, its just complicated","Lindsay: (confused) so you...you don't want me seeing Ryan","Kirsten: I would never say that...its jus that while your seeing him maybe we should take a step back","Lindsay: a step back...so does that mean we're like cousins now I mean (laughs)","Kirsten: ...maybe we should be f-friends","Lindsay: friends...um (shrugs) great, bye","(Lindsay leaves, clearly upset and Kirsten closes her eyes and sighs)","CUT TO: A restaurant - Summer and Zach walk in together for lunch with his parents","Zach: i'm not nervous so you're not nervous, right","Summer: i'm sooo not nervous, dads love me","Zach: oh my dad couldn't make it, he got held up in DC on some assault weapons bad?","(Summer looks worried. they are now almost at the table)","Zach: hey mom, Abbi","(Zach's mom stands and kisses Zach on the cheek)","Zach: how are you","Z's mom: good","Zach: (points) this is Summer","Summer: hi","Z's mom: oh it's a pleasure to meet you (shakes Summer's hand) Zach's told us so much about you","Summer: oh all lies i'm sure","(they all sit down at the table. Summer is sitting between Zach and his sister, and Zach is sitting between Summer and his mom)","Abbi: all I was tryin'a say mother-","Z's mom: Abbi I don't think this is the time, I don't think Summer would be interested","Summer: oh no Summer's interested, please whatever you were chatting about continue, i'm a listener","Abbi: I was saying that what's happening in Cashmere just shows us how countries can be-","Summer: (misunderstands) I know, pashmina's this season were so cute (Abbi looks at her) I don't go anywhere without my cashmere purse (smiles)","Zach: uh Summer there uh-","Abbi: um no uh Cashmere, as in the disputed region between India an Pakistan (Z's mom looks at Summer) they fought three wars over it","(Summer looks at Abbi, clearly out of her depth. Zach looks at Summer)","Summer: (nods) ...yes...yes totally, Cashmere (Zach smiles) yeah, I agree","Abbi: (confused) agree with...what","Summer: ...what","Z's mom: what she means dear is, uh what'do you agree with, do you think the Indians should cede Cashmere to the Pakistanis (Zach looks from his mom, to Summer) or should it remain an independent state","Summer: (clueless) oh...yeah, tough call (Abbi looks at her) (thinks) hmm (raises her eyebrows) two sides to every story","(Summer smiles uncomfortably, Zach looks from Summer to Abbi, Abbi and his mom are both looking at Summer)","Summer: ...(to Abbi) you know you are just...so tan, Zach here tells me you studied abroad, in St Bart's perhaps? I hear the four seasons there is amazing","Abbi: I was building an irrigation system in a village in southern India","Summer: (even more out of her depth) hmm","(Zach looks at Summer, then looks down. Abbi looks from Summer to Zach, Z's mom looks at Zach)","Zach: maybe we should order","Summer: lovely...","{I just wanted to say that Summer now realises what Seth felt, when he bombed so badly with her dad. I would have to say though, Summer was definitely worse here. poor girl!}","CUT TO: The Bait Shop - Seth is sitting on the edge of the stage, Alex walks out carrying a crate of water bottles. Seth makes a small wave at her","Alex: this is your concept of time an space!","Seth: (sighs) oh don't flatter yourself, i'm here on official business","Alex: and what business would that be","Seth: ummm I would like my job back (puts his hand out to Alex)","Alex: no (walks passed Seth to the bar, she has her back to him)","Seth: listen...the folks there a little bit mad at me ok an needless to say...my allowance has ben impacted (shakes his head, puts his hand on his chest) now I don't wanna have'ta start tightening my belt, don't wanna have'ta give up the vacation homes, the porche the grotto","Alex: (turns around) you're really tuggin at my heart strings here","Seth: (stands) ...look I get why you're upset","Alex: no I think you don't (folds her arms)","Seth: uh because my dad broke up with you for me","Alex: ok now I know you don't (Seth looks at her as if to say 'well') you don't realise how lucky you are","Seth: (confused) that my dad showed up an humiliated me...?","Alex: that he showed up at all, that he cares, that there's something wrong an his first reaction isn't jus ta throw you outta the house (Seth looks at her, you can tell he feels bad)","(Alex turns and grabs the mop)","Alex: (hands mop to Seth) (avoids eye contact with him) ...still pays minimum wage...you know where the bathrooms are...","Seth: (looks at Alex) are there any other perks","Alex: (sad) what's the point Seth...it's not like there ever gonna approve of me...","Seth: (nods, thinks) well maybe there's a way we can show em your not so bad (Alex looks down) hmm (touches Alex's mouth) smile (Alex half smiles)","{i just have to say that this scene was great for Alex, we finally got to see some depth to this incredible girl, she looked so vulnerable when she said that they'd never approve of her. i hope we see more of it in the future!. you can tell Seth cares about her as well}","CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - there is a photographer outside in the yard, framing them for the photo. Marissa, Caleb and Julie are standing in front of the house and pool waiting for him to take the photo. Marissa has her arms folded, Julie is the only one that looks like she wants to be there","Caleb: (smiling, impatient) what is taking so long, he's not painting our portrait","(the photographer continues to 'frame')","Caleb: (points) my face is going'to freeze in the position unless you push the button","(in the background, DJ arrives)","Julie: Cal this photograph is going to be seen (Marissa turns around and sees DJ) by everyone in Newport Beach, you don't want frown lines","Photographer: ok if you can all smile","Caleb: I am smiling damn it","(the photographer goes to take the photo)","Marissa: oh, wait a second (goes over to DJ) hey (hugs DJ)","DJ: i'm sorry i'm late","(Julie and Caleb see DJ)","Julie: oh my god!","Caleb: (confused) he's come ta mow the lawn, can't he reschedule","Julie: oh, ill handle this (motions 5 to the photographer)","Caleb: handle what, tell him to come back tomorrow (Julie walks away) (yells) an check for poison oak","Julie: what is he doing here","DJ: (to Marissa) I...thought you said she was cool with this","Julie: (scoffs) you must be joking","Marissa: look, either DJ's in the photo or i'm out (shrugs) its up'ta you (Julie looks at Marissa)","DJ: nah you know ill save you the hard choice (looks at Marissa) i'm leaving","Julie: works for me","DJ: (to Marissa) thanks alot (walks off)","Marissa: (to Julie) you can forget your photo shoot (goes after DJ) DJ wai-","Julie: (stops Marissa) don't, ill go...if having him here means we get our picture taken ill bring him back","Marissa: like he'll listen'a you","Julie: (smug) well considering i'm not the one who lied to him, I think I have a better shot then you","(Julie walks away and Marissa rolls her eyes - we now see Julie heading towards DJ's car. DJ is almost at it)","Julie: DJ...wait up","DJ: what, you need some hedges trimmed","Julie: don't be so self deprecating, I wanted'ta thankyou for not causing more of a scene back there","DJ: oh save the act Mrs. Cooper, I know you hate me being with Marissa","Julie: it's Mrs. Cooper - Nichol an your damn right I do (DJ looks away) you know the Nichol on the end of my name allows me to write you a cheque with a few zeros on the end of it","DJ: what're you talking about","Julie: what'do you say five grand, never to see my daughter again (DJ looks at her) how do you spell your last name, never mind, you can fill that part out","DJ: (disgusted) your unbelievable (gets in the car)","Julie: i'm doing you a favour honey (DJ looks at her) you an I both know Marissa's just using you to get back at me (DJ looks away) what'do you think today was all about hm, only seems fair you should get something out of this relationship too","(Julie tears off the cheque and hands it to DJ then walks away. DJ looks at the cheque)","CUT TO: The pier - Lindsay walks over to Ryan who is waiting for her","Lindsay: hey","Ryan: hey","Lindsay: what's goin on (they kiss, then hug) ok you tell me your news","Ryan: yeah","Lindsay: cause then I have some","(they are both standing next to a railing now, facing each other)","Ryan: oh yeah you uh you wanna go first","Lindsay: nooo yoooou picked this very important meeting at the pier so you get the honours","Ryan: alright (Lindsay laughs) uh it's just (looks at Lindsay) us...this...its causing problems for Kirsten an Sandy and...an I just I can't do that to em, I owe em...too much you know (Lindsay looks at him, stunned) (shakes his head) I just...think we should take some time...space...for a while, be friends","Lindsay: (looks at Ryan) (softly) ...great...two hours ago...I had a sister an a boyfriend and now all I have are friends (walks away)","Ryan: whoa, wait (grabs Lindsay) what","Lindsay: ...before I came here I talked to Kirsten an she asked me without asking me, to choose... between a sister an a boyfriend (Ryan looks at her, stunned) (laughs) and genius that I am...I chose you (Ryan looks at her, realising) had I known that you had this whole time space plan I might've chosen differently","Ryan: I didn't know, i'm sorry","Lindsay: oh (looks away) yeah you're sorry, cool cause...that really fixes absolutely nothing... (Ryan looks at her, helpess) I gotta go","(Lindsay walks away and Ryan turns around and watches)","CUT TO: Cohen kitchen that night - Ryan and Seth are sitting at the kitchen table quietly doing their homework. Kirsten is sitting at the counter, and Sandy comes in","Sandy: oh there she is, all day i've ben lookin for this beautiful woman (kisses Kirsten on the cheek) Happy Anniversary (smiles)","Kirsten: (unenthusiastically) Happy Anniversary","Sandy: so come on, let's go let's get ready","Kirsten: (frowns) get ready for what","Sandy: my dear, maybe you've forgotten but it's our twentieth anniversary an i'm takin you to the Arches","Kirsten: you've got ta be kidding","Sandy: look I know what you're worried about, never fear i've (shrugs) hired some baby-sitters","(Kirsten looks at Sandy, then over at the boys)","Sandy: (yells) fellas","(Seth and Ryan turn around to see who their 'baby-sitters' are)","Sandy: Joe, Tim","(two uniformed officers walk into the kitchen {lol})","Sandy: (points) two of Orange County's finest, we've ben friends (Ryan and Seth are stunned) since I worked the PD's office","Joe: evening Mrs. Cohen (Kirsten looks at them, and half smiles) your boys'll be safe with us, Happy Anniversary (smiles) (Sandy smiles, pleased with himself)","(Seth and Ryan look at each other, worried)","CUT TO: The Arches - Kirsten and Sandy are sitting at their table, eating","Sandy: mm aribi? is excellent, how's your turbo","Kirsten: (not looking up) fine","Sandy: just fine...? too fishy...send it back if you want","Kirsten: (closes her eyes) Sandy","Sandy: no send it back","Kirsten: Sandy","Sandy: oh alright, i'm sorry, i'm sorry all I wanted was ta...give ya a special evening (Kirsten drinks) an some turbo that wasn't too fishy","Kirsten: (looks down) ...I know (looks at Sandy) i-i'm sorry I brought up Portland last night, that wasn't your fault...its jus Seth is growing up so fast an...(sad) I-I don't wanna lose him","Sandy: lets stop apologising (takes Kirsten's hand) ok let's just enjoy ourselves, an look on the bright side... (Kirsten is listening) we got all of this out of our system before Valentines Day (Kirsten smiles\/laughs) (looks over) oh no","Kirsten: (looks) oh god","(we now see what they are seeing, which is the two baby-sitting officers walking towards them, without Seth & Ryan)","Joe: I don't know how they did it Sandy (Sandy is looking at them, shocked) but uh we went outside for a second (Sandy and Kirsten both look at each other, worried) they were gone","Sandy: (puts his hand up) cheque","CUT TO: Summer's bedroom - Summer is sitting in front of her bed on the floor watching TV (from the audio we can tell its news related) Marissa opens the door, Summer motions for her to come in. Marissa shuts the door and walks over to Summer","Summer: I cannot believe what Chirac said to the farmers union (Marissa puts pillows on the floor) you go Jaque","Marissa: (sits) (sees magazines in front of her) the economist","Summer: hm","Marissa: the nation, the new republic (looks at Summer) ok what're you doing","Summer: i'm informing myself Coop, it's impossible there is sooo much news, you know the worst part is it is constantly changing...if everything could jus stop for like...one day, maybe I could catch up","Marissa: (looks at Summer) you should just call him back, he's left you four messages since lunch","Summer: if Zach wants'ta dump me he can do it in person","Marissa: yeah at least Zach's calling you, I haven't heard from DJ since the photo shoot incident...","Summer: (looks at Marissa) you mean since your mother spoke to him","Marissa: yeah exactly, an who knows what she said","Summer: hmm","Marissa: I left him a message ta meet us, i'm really getting worried...","Summer: well i'm passed the point of worrying, i've resigned to my fate","Marissa: the lunch cant of ben that bad (shrugs)","Summer: remember uh how lunch went with my dad an Cohen (looks at Marissa)","Marissa: hm","Summer: well compared to my performance today Cohen came off like Cofianan","Marissa: (frowns) who's Cofianan","Summer: hm some guy Zach's uh mom knows (shrugs) I think he works for united airlines","Marissa: hm","CUT TO: Inside the police car - Sandy and Kirsten are sitting in the back seat, and the 2 officers are in the front","Kirsten: (to Sandy) I can't believe you talked me inta leaving them","Sandy: well excuse me for wantin'ta celebrate our twentieth anniversary","Kirsten: how do you know where they are","Sandy: a hunch (to officers) hey fellas lets pick it up huh","Tim: you got it Sandy (turns sirens on)","(we see the car go speeding past. the next thing we see is the outside of the Bait Shop. we hear the siren then see the police car coming up to the Bait Shop entrance. it stops outside, Sandy and the 2 officers get out. one of the officers opens Kirsten's door for her and she gets out)","Sandy: thanks Tim (to Kirsten) everything they said to us...feelin sorry, wanting to reform all lies, no more Mr. nice guy","Kirsten: so now you admit that you were Mr. nice guy","(Kirsten walks in, and Sandy stops and shakes his head then follows her - camera changes and we see them walking in, from inside the Bait Shop)","Sandy: oh d-don't make this about me, we show a united front, we show no mercy (Kirsten looks at him) if he wants bad, I can be bad...but first","(Kirsten and Sandy are standing near the railing up the top. all of a sudden the lights go on down the bottom, and there is people everywhere)","Everyone (including Sandy): SUPRISE!","(Kirsten looks down at everybody, shocked. we see Ryan and Seth looking up at them from the stage, Julie and Caleb looking up at them from near the stage, and Marissa and Summer are standing near the bar, Alex is behind it)","Kirsten: (huge smile) you planned all this","Sandy: well I prefer the term orchestrated (smiles)","Ryan: (into the mic) so we're here tonight (Kirsten and Sandy come down the stairs) ta celebrate the marriage of Sandy an Kirsten Cohen (everyone goes whoo hoo, yeah, claps and cheers) (Seth takes the mic) (Ryan raises his drink to them)","Seth: yeah an we all owe them soooo much, I think, because if they were never married then they never would'a had me an think of what all you people would be missing out on (everyone laughs) now","Ryan: (takes the mic) (to Seth) that's touching. so we'd like to take a moment...an say thanks (Kirsten smiles) for everything","Seth: (grabs the mic back) (looks at Ryan) and","Ryan: and","Seth: apologise","Ryan: yes (puts his arm around Seth's shoulder)","Seth: for everything because here's the thing (Sandy takes his jacket off) the fact that your marriage can survive the two of us (Kirsten and Sandy both smile) (Ryan nods) is truly inspiring an it gets me here (points to his heart)","Ryan: (laughs at Seth) (takes the mic) to Sandy and Kirsten (he and Seth raise there drinks)","(more cheers, whistles, clapping, yeah's and here here's. Sandy claps, then he and Kirsten k"],"Show Title":"The O.C.","Episode Number":"02x08","Episode Title":"The Power of Love","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_O.C._03x07.json","Recap":["Marissa is determined to get Volchok to stay away from Ryan. Taylor begins to cause major rifts in Seth and Summer's relationship. Meanwhile, Sandy's new business partner goes above and beyond the call of duty. Charlotte is forced to leave town after Julie makes a bold move in their scheme."],"Transcript":["Opening scene - The Diner, we can hear Summers voice but we can't yet see her. the camera pans to show Seth, Summer, Ryan and Marissa sitting in a booth together","Summer: look I'm sorry, that movie sucked","Seth: Master Of The Flying Guillotine","Summer: yes","Seth: It's a classic of the genre, that's like the Madame Bovary of martial arts cinema","Marissa: (frowns, points) oh wait the flying guillotine was that the spiky hat thing he threw","Ryan: yeah, dude I'm sorry but that-that was kinda weak","Seth: (looks at Ryan) head? too Ryan (Ryan shakes head)","Summer: god it didn't even make sense, why was he going after the one armed boxer (sympathises) poor guy","Seth: ah revenge, it's a tale as old as time","Ryan: maybe the girls should pick the movie next time (smiles) what'do you say huh","Marissa: (touched) aww","Summer: yes","Seth: uh do I have'ta remind you about the Bring It On phase (Summer looks at him)","Ryan: what","Summer: now that (points) is an awesome movie (Ryan and Marissa also point) Marissa and Summer at the same time: (sings, dances) I'm sexy, I'm cute I'm popular to boot I said I'm bitchin great hair","(Marissa stops singing when she sees something)","Summer: (continues) the boys all love to stare, I'm wanted I'm hot-","(we see what Marissa saw which is Volchok and his \"bros\" entering the diner)","Marissa: (softly) Summer","(Summer stops singing and looks over, Ryan looks over as well)","Volchok: now what is that, ten ta one our boys hang out at that candy ass diner on the pier (grabs a chair and sits on the end of the table) that's what I love about you rich kids, so predictable","Ryan: what'do you want","Volchok: (looks at Ryan) I gotta spell it out for ya, I want a rematch (Ryan shakes his head) somewhere private jus me kickin your ass","(Marissa looks at Ryan)","Ryan: I'm not lookin for trouble (looks at Volchok matter of factly)","Volchok: maybe you should'a thought'a that before jumpin me the other night","Summer: (frowns) what like you didn't start it by (Volchok looks at her) hookin up with someone else's girlfriend","Seth: good point","(Volchok's \"bros\" stare at Seth, intimidatingly)","Seth: or that's unnecessary continuity...either or","Marissa: look guys this is so stupid","Ryan: (shakes head) look I got nothin against you","Volchok: well that's too bad, cause me an you (leans forward) we got unfinished business (hits Ryan on the shoulder)","(Volchok points, smiles and winks as he walks away)","Seth: (small wave) see ya guys","(Marissa looks at Ryan out of the corner of her eye. Ryan is looking in the direction of the door)","Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Cohen kitchen - Kirsten is sitting at the table working on the fundraiser and Sandy comes in holding three different ties","Sandy: hey baby (Kirsten turns around) I need your opinion, which of these screams real estate mogul with a heart'a gold","Kirsten: the blue (turns back)","Sandy: insensitive, street smart man of talent...an mystery","Kirsten: (nods, smiles) the blue","Sandy: alright, blue it is","Kirsten: Sandy, your gonna do great, the Newport Groups lucky to have you (smiles adoringly)","Sandy: well, I jus wanna make a good impression on my first day, hey how's that-that charity thing comin","Kirsten: oh it's coming, I've (raises eyebrows) just never thrown together something so quickly","Sandy: (putting on tie) I hope Julie an Charlotte aren't out gettin mystics while your doin all the work","Kirsten: don't worry, there working, there busy with the foundation, oh, good question (looks at Sandy) booze or no booze","Sandy: ooo, tough call (thinks) a fundraiser for poor women with substance abuse problems","Kirsten: I know it's gonna be weird if people are drinking","Sandy: yeah, then again people're alot more generous when they've had a couple'a shots under their belt same time:","Sandy: booze","Kirsten: booze (nods)","(Seth and Ryan both come into the kitchen at opposite ends)","Ryan: morning","Kirsten: oh hey boys, on Sunday I would love some help with the party","Seth: Sunday...Sunday, yeah It's gonna be tough (frowns) it's gonna be tough","Ryan: (looks from Seth to Kirsten) yeah, no problem","Kirsten: thanks Ryan (smiles)","(Ryan looks at Seth, Seth gives him a \"suck up\" look back)","Kirsten: uh well I should get going, I have'ta meet Charlotte an Julie at the club","(Kirsten leaves the kitchen. Sandy grabs his jacket)","Sandy: hey, what is so incredibly pressing on a Sunday","Seth: uh it's the Sabbath dad, It's the day'a rest you know, I don't make the rules (kisses his fingers and points up dramatically) talk to the big guy","Ryan: I thought...the Sabbath was Saturday (looks at Seth)","Sandy: listen'a me, this is the first public thing your mother has done since rehab so we are gonna do everything in our power to make it a success, understood (Seth nods)","(Kirsten comes back in)","Seth: mom listen Sunday I'm gonna be there ok (points) provided I don't get struck down by a lightening bolt (nods)","Kirsten: aww thanks Seth that means alot","(Seth mouths something while he's looking up, I think its \"I'm sorry\")","Sandy: such generosity (hits Seth on the back)","Seth: oh there goes the back (Sandy smiles) no ill be alright, ill be fine I can probably lift stuff","CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer is painting her fingernails and Marissa is getting organised for school","Marissa: I just feel responsible, I mean if I hadn't introduced Ryan to Johnny in the first place then he never would've gotten in a fight with that jerk","Summer: yeah well if you wanna blame someone why not Casey (looks at Marissa) for hookin up with the Surf-Nazi to begin with","Marissa: I know, I still can't believe she did that (raises eyebrows)","Summer: yeah well she had her reasons","Marissa: Summer","Summer: I'm sorry (looks at Marissa) have you asked him yet","Marissa: right ill just say hey Johnny (raises eyebrows) Casey thinks your in love with me, an then best case scenario he says no an our relationship is totally weird if not ruined","Summer: mm but what if he is (raises eyebrows)","Marissa: then our friendship is totally weird if not ruined (sighs) he hasn't done anything to make me think that...so, excuse me for not believing his psycho girlfriend","Summer: hmm (nods) ex-girlfriend, yeah he's single now remember","Marissa: (not amused) ill see ya later (leaves)","Summer: mm-hmm","CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Seth are getting out the range rover","Seth: dude, all I'm sayin is you just got back inta Harbor ok (shuts door) you do not wanna go back to the wasteland of home schooling","Ryan: and I told ya I'm not gonna fight him","Seth: yeah I hear ya an I wanna believe ya but I also know Kid Chino, sometimes when his backs up against a wall his fists of fury","Ryan: Kid Chino is retired, he hung up the hoody so just relax alright (touches Seth's arm)","(Taylor comes up behind them)","Taylor: (calls) Seth","Seth: ah-huh (turns around) uuuuuuh hey Taylor how's it goin","Taylor: uh it's goin great","(Ryan waves but Taylor is oblivious to him)","Taylor: um I cannot tell you how many people have come up an told me how awesome they thought lock in was","Seth: oh","Taylor: you know what every single one mentions capture the flag (smiles, laughs) (to Ryan) did you know he was all camp Takaho","Ryan: he might'a mentioned it","Seth: told you it'd be fun","Taylor: it was, it was an it was-it was all because of you too (Seth looks at her) (to Ryan) he-he took the lead in everything I mean with the-the trust falls an the s'more making an share time (touches Seth's arm) your story about Captain Oats (touches her chest, moved)","Seth: oh (to Ryan) yeah we had'ta-we had'a tell a story about our best friend growin up (Ryan nods)","Taylor: (laughs) an it was so incentive of those guys to laugh too, cause your story wasn't nearly as lame as Derrick Simmons befriending the deaf kid","(we see a close up of Seth's shocked face)","Taylor: but Seth I...wanted to ask you um (stops in front of Seth) what'do you think about planning the Christmas Dance together","Seth: (frowns) the Christmas Dance you an me","Taylor: (nods) we made such a good team (smiles flirtatiously)","(Ryan looks at Seth and raises his eyebrows)","Seth: oh wow, yeah well that (scratches neck) you should talk to Summer (nods)","Taylor: (laughs) your girlfriend...","Seth: (nods, points) mm-hmm","Taylor: ...Summer","Seth: yeah because she did like a fantastic job with the last one an I jus think that you guys would-would (brings hands together, points) there she is right over there so she's you can-you can talk to her about it yourself","(we see Summer heading towards them)","Taylor: (annoyed) ok, forget it, I gotta go (walks away)","(Summer is walking towards them with her arms folded)","Ryan: ooooooo boy you got trouble","Seth: what, what're you talking about","Ryan: your in trouble (raises eyebrows)","Seth: what, I was nice to her so that's what that's what that was about-","Ryan: keep-keep tellin yourself that yeah (nods) sure right","(Summer stands there and looks at Seth, not happy)","Seth: hey","Summer: (hits Seth) what were you doing talking to her, did you forget that she didn't let me inta the lock in, I totally bruised my hand pounding on that door","Seth: she probably didn't know it was you","Summer: no, she knew it was me she just didn't wanna let me in","Ryan: hm, wonder why (walks away)","Summer: (frowns) what","Seth: (takes Summers hand) I don't know","Summer: what's that spose'ta mean","CUT TO: Yacht Club - Kirsten, Julie and Charlotte are sitting at a table together","Kirsten: we should take out half these tables so we can have more flow","Julie: we should also talk to them about the music, the last event I did here they had us on a Kenny G loop","Charlotte: can I just tell you how excited I am (smiles) (Julie looks at her) this is gonna be so wonderful","Kirsten: I'm so glad you suggested it (smiles)","(Julie smiles at Charlotte. Charlotte smiles at Julie and Kirsten)","Kirsten: oh there's the manager, I'm gonna find out what time we can be here on Sunday an set up (stands)","Julie: so where are we","Charlotte: (almost proudly) hundred an thirty RSVP's at five thousand a head, that's over six hundred thousand dollars","(we see a shot of Kirsten who is in the background talking with the manager)","Julie: (stunned) three hundred thousand a piece","Charlotte: mm-hmm","Julie: ...tell me again I have'ta do this","Charlotte: (looks at Julie) Julie you have two daughters, no husband an no money, you're about to get three-hundred-thousand-dollars (raises eyebrows)","Julie: oh yeah, I'm totally doing this (smiles)","(Charlotte smiles back at Julie. Kirsten comes back over)","Kirsten: he says we can be here at eight (smiles)","(Julie smiles)","CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan is at his locker and Taylor is standing there when he shuts the door","Taylor: Ryan, hi","Ryan: hey (starts walking)","Taylor: going this way","Ryan: (looks at Taylor) yeah","Taylor: so you're like Seth's best friend right","Ryan: don't tell Captain Oats","Taylor: that's funny, I didn't know that you were funny, so Seth an Summer seem happy, I mean I know they-they had that trouble last year but um...they seem stable wouldn't you say that they're stable","Ryan: ah-huh (moves head side to side)","Taylor: of course though I mean look at Brad an Jen (Ryan frowns) everybody thought that they were stable but nobody knew how un happy Brad was, that he was just waiting for Angelina ta come an rescue him","Ryan: they're stable","Taylor: (stops in front of Ryan) how stable, one to ten","Ryan: uhhh excuse me (frowns)","Taylor: on a scale of one to ten","Ryan: right","Taylor: how stable are they, six...six point five...","Ryan: ten (moves head on the side)","Taylor: (softly) ten, huh, sucks for Angelina","(Ryan raises his eyebrows then frowns)","Taylor: then again...things happen, don't they (Ryan half laughs) I bet Brad an Jen use'ta be a ten (smiles)","Ryan: hmm","Taylor: (walks away) oh bye","(Ryan does a small wave, he looks confused as to what just happened, lol, poor guy!)","CUT TO: The Newport Group - Sandy and Matt are standing together in front of all the employees. Sandy is making a speech","Sandy: I wanted to welcome you all on our first day (turns to Matt) Matt have you had a chance to meet everyone","Matt: not yet (waves) Matt Ramsey","Sandy: I wanted to go over what's changed, The Newport Group will still develop residential an commercial properties, with this alteration, one quarter of all our new housing projects will be low income, we are not just catering to the mansion crowd anymore","Matt: though we do need their money ta stay in business","Sandy: an the other thing that's changed (looks at Matt) is us, Matt will be a Vice President and director of development (Matt nods) which will leave me as President and CEO, and despite the fact that I've watched my lovely wife do this job for the past fifteen years I'm new at this, an I'm gonna need your help","(Matt claps and everybody else joins in, including Sandy)","Sandy: well stop millin around an get back to work (smiles) (everyone laughs) thankyou everybody","(we hear \"thankyou\" from the employees as they leave. Sandy sits behind his desk and sighs)","Matt: nice speech","Sandy: that's nothin, catch me with a microphone in my hand (points) you should try to meet everyone, they'd appreciate it","Matt: (raises eyebrows) oh yeah, hi, Matt Ramsey, good to meet ya...your fired","Sandy: so I take it your meeting with the accountant yesterday didn't go so well","Matt: (frowns) the word unsustainable was used...alot (Sandy nods) we have'ta lose nine people","Sandy: nine that's a little extreme","Matt: well (shrugs) you have'ta look at the numbers","Sandy: for now we sit tight, we're here one day, the first order of business is not going to be firing half the staff","Matt: alright, your the boss (Sandy looks down) (sighs, looks at watch) I have a meeting about the zoning on Crest Mont uh let me know what you come up with","(Sandy nods, frowning. Matt leaves)","CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa and Dennis are walking together near the lockers","Marissa: I'm only telling you so you can be on the look out ok cause this guys crazy","Dennis: k gotcha, ill be on amber alert","Marissa: oh an don't tell Johnny he might do something stupid","Dennis: hey say no more, it'll be our little secret","Marissa: ok (nods)","Dennis: (stops in front of Marissa) maybe sharing that secret maybe brings us closer together creates a bond (raises eyebrows) we'll roll with that too","Marissa: (looks at Dennis) ah-huh jus don't tell Johnny ok","(Johnny is standing near them)","Johnny: tell me what","Dennis: Johnny (nods)","Marissa: hey (smiles, looks at Dennis) how are you","Johnny: (looks at Marissa) good, tell me what","Dennis: um no offence man this is kinda jus between me an Marissa","Johnny: (looks from Dennis to Marissa) its Volchok isn't it...what'd he do","Marissa: nothing","Johnny: Chili","(Marissa looks at Dennis)","Dennis: come on man you guys are tearing me apart here","Marissa: oook look he tried to get Ryan to fight him, but nothing happened so","(Johnny starts walking away, clearly wanting to take care of Volchok himself)","Marissa: uh hold these (gives Dennis her books then runs after Johnny) Johnny wait (grabs Johnny's bag) Johnny","Johnny: look this isn't Ryan's fight","Marissa: so what're you gonna do, go knock on this guys door an say hey fight me instead","Johnny: I'm not gonna sit back an let your boyfriend take the heat for my problem","Marissa: I'm not letting either of you guys get in a fight","Johnny: Marissa that's not the point","Marissa: (upset) what is it with you two (Johnny looks at her) I'm so sick of this","Johnny: Ryan has nothing to do with this","Marissa: you know what, its fine, whatever (walks away) jus do whatever you want","Johnny: hey (Marissa looks at him) (sighs) ok...I won't fight him","Marissa: ...seriously","Johnny: (sighs) fightin a guy is one thing, but almost upsetting a lady, I'm a total coward (half smiles) you win","(Marissa looks at Johnny. the bell goes)","Marissa: look we better get to class","(Marissa walks off and Johnny watches her for a few seconds before following)","CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Ryan are coming down the stairs outside, heading towards the parking lot","Seth: I'm serious, d'you have any idea what Summer'll do if she finds out","Ryan: yeah I could imagine","Seth: I have'ta tell Taylor it's not gonna happen...even if I didn't love Summer (Ryan looks at him) her an I we're totally incompatible seeing as how she's crazy an I'm not","Ryan: well I thought you said she wasn't that bad","Seth: Taylor Townsend","Ryan: yeah","Seth: in fourth grade she campaigned against makin the school handicap accessible, she said it was reverse Darwinism (Ryan smiles) besides who who wants Dean Hess' seconds","Ryan: (smiles) true?","Seth: oh look there's a picnic on our car","(we see that Volchok and his \"bros\" are sitting on the hood of the range rover. Seth and Ryan stand in front of them)","Volchok: oh its you guys, finally","Ryan: (sighs) Seth get security","Seth: (frowns) ok well maybe we'll go-go get em together","Volchok: mm security (shrugs) we're jus talkin, I mean nothins gonna ha-","(Volchok purposely tipped his drink over the car. Ryan watches, suprisingly calm, he just bites his lip)","Volchok: oh","Seth: It's alright, that's jus a little soap an","Ryan: (matter of factly) I'm not gonna fight you","Volchok: (to one of his bros) did you hear that, rich boy doesn't wanna get his hands dirty, well is your butler around maybe he'll fight me","(Ryan looks slightly pissed off. Seth touches Ryan's arm to stop him from getting any closer)","Seth: I got it, we're all strangers ok so lets take a step back for a second (puts up hand) I'm Seth, I like comic books (points) you obviously like uh flaming hot tattoos","(Volchok gets off the car)","Volchok: (points) I think you do got it in ya (Ryan looks at him) in fact I think your just itchin ta throw down...I jus gotta find the key (Ryan looks out of the corner of his eye) oh oh (holds up keys) oooh look what I found","(Ryan looks at Volchok then looks away. Volchok takes the key and starts keying the range rover. Ryan and Seth, along with a crowd that has gathered watch him. Seth frowns, Volchok watches Ryan as he does it. we hear the high pitched squeal as the key leaves a trail in the paint work. Seth screws up his face. Ryan isn't phased, but we see a close up of his hand which he clenches into a fist, we can even see the bulging vein, eww. Volchok smiles as he continues keying)","Volchok: but you know what I just realised there, she doesn't have a name...I'm gonna call her (looks at Ryan) little bitch","(we see a close up of Volchok with the keys. he makes an L then an I. we then see Ryan unclench his fist and he starts to walk away, Seth follows him)","Seth: jus keep walking","Volchok: (calls) this aint over","(Volchok watches Ryan and Seth with his arms folded)","CUT TO: Cohen backyard, next morning - Ryan comes out of the pool house with tools in his hand. Marissa walks over","Ryan: hey","Marissa: hey","Ryan: (frowns) were...we havin breakfast this morning","Marissa: so Summer told me what happened yesterday with Volchok","Ryan: aaah yes Seth kept a secret a whole twelve hours must be a record (looks at Marissa) yeah you know I jus I didn't wanna worry you","Marissa: well I'm proud of you for not fighting, I know it must'a been hard (raises eyebrows)","Ryan: yeah you have no idea (sighs) guys a total jack ass","Marissa: (picks up tool) what're you doing (Ryan looks at her) what're all these tools for","Ryan: you wanna see (takes Marissa's hand) come on, jus don't overreact","(Ryan leads Marissa to the pool house. we see that there is now a punching bag suspended from the ceiling)","Marissa: a punching bag","Ryan: yeah (nods) Sandy had it in the garage, said I could use it","Marissa: sooo (raises eyebrows) you could train to fight him (looks at Ryan, frowning)","Ryan: no I'm not gonna fight him, I didn't yesterday remember","Marissa: then what's it for (looks at Ryan)","Ryan: ...therapy","Marissa: (walks in, raises eyebrows) ok, I just don't want them fighting (sits on the bed) Johnny wanted to go after Volchok again but I talked him out of it","Ryan: how's he doing","Marissa: you mean about Casey (frowns) well she really hurt him","Ryan: well Seth's goin to the Bait Shop tonight why don't you invite Johnny (Marissa nods) take his mind off things","Marissa: sure (Ryan nods) now what about breakfast (grins)","Ryan: definitely, definitely, ill meet you inside (helps Marissa up) I gotta clean up","Marissa: ok (kisses Ryan's cheek)","Ryan: alright","(Marissa leaves and Ryan heads over to the punching bag, he lifts up a hammer and a piece of material is sitting underneath it. he looks at the punching bag next to him and then wraps the material around his knuckles on the right hand. he hits the punching bag once, hard and then leaves the pool house, with the punching bag swinging back and forth)","CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Kirsten is on the phone. Sandy comes in","Kirsten: you can't deliver at four, by the time the guests arrive they'll be pudding an I can't have pudding (looks at Sandy) six'll be fine...thankyou (hangs up)","Sandy: aah sweet charity (smiles)","Kirsten: I am here by calling the next three hours Kirsten time, I am going to the gym (closes eyes) I am getting my nails done (smiles) an everything else can wait","Sandy: good for you","Kirsten: you left early this morning (kisses Sandy)","Sandy: mm","Kirsten: mm","Sandy: yeah, you know nothin like a little Dawn Patrol to clear your head","Kirsten: is everything ok, I was so busy yesterday I forgot to ask how your first day went","Sandy: oh it's good it's good its (frowns) uh you know just um...just alot","Kirsten: well you can always come ta me with questions","Sandy: thanks, you go have your Kirsten time","(Sandy looks worried and stressed)","CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Seth is on the bed reading and we hear a knock on the door","Seth: come in","(Taylor walks in. Seth looks over)","Taylor: hi Seth","Seth: Taylor, hey (stands) what-what're you doin here","Taylor: oh your mom let me in, she seems really really nice (Seth looks at his door in disbelief) wow your room is really cute, look can we talk","Seth: (frowns, points) yeah ok but before you say anything-","Taylor: I like you","Seth: (looks down) ah boy (uncomfortable smile)","Taylor: (nods) I know I its it totally suprised me too because I don't usually go for the R. Crumb type but (Seth looks at Taylor, frowning) the heart has its own logic","Seth: (nods) mm, hmm yeah well I'm with Summer though so","Taylor: I heard you were breaking up","Seth: (shocked) what who said that","Taylor: I made it up (smiles, head on the side) (Seth shakes his head) but what did you feel...when you heard it, relief","Seth: no...listen Taylor even if I was single uhhh sss I'm not so sure that you an I would make a great match I mean","Taylor: is that a Yakuza Prep poster","(we see a close up of the poster on Seth's wall. it has YAKUZA PREP in big yellow writing and above that in white it has Who Will Graduate?. there is a girl in a school uniform holding a weapon of some sort, we can only see her from the back)","Seth: yeah it's just this Japanese film about these prep school kids who-","Taylor: (nods) yeah yeah it's like my favourite movie of all time (Seth looks suprised) (laughs) I think Kenja Yamamoto was a genius","Seth: (shocked) really","Taylor: yes","Seth: have you seen his Samurai Assassination series","Taylor: Battles At The Edge Of Hell, I own the Criterion Collection","Seth: oh my god, d'you like comic books","Taylor: comics are geek whacking material (smiles) (Seth looks at her) but look Seth (sits) I mean it's obvious that we are soul mates...all you have'ta do is break up with Summer","Seth: (frowns) right well I'm not gonna be able ta...do that so","Taylor: I see","(Seth's phone rings)","Seth: excuse me","(while Seth goes to answer the phone Taylor notices Captain Oats sitting beside the bed)","Seth: hello","(Summer is in her room on the phone)","Summer: hey, what time do we have'ta be there tonight","(while Seth is talking Taylor puts Captain Oats into her bag)","Seth: yeah I think we-we should be at the Bait Shop by like eight","Taylor: (stands) ill see you later Seth (leaves)","(Seth looks at Taylor with his mouth wide open)","Summer: (frowns) who was that, that sounded like a girl","Seth: did it be- yeah, well, sure because i I'm listening to the radio an this American life is on an so there was a girl talking","Summer: oh, is that that show by those hipster know it alls who talk about how fascinating ordinary people are, ugh (rolls eyes) god","Seth: ah-huh, yeah yeah (smiles)","CUT TO: The yacht club - Charlotte is there and on the phone","Charlotte: so'd you get the tickets","(we see Glen on the phone, while packing)","Glen: yep, San Juan Puerto Rico, where your ill gotten dollar goes further, how's your roomy holdin up","Charlotte: oh she still thinks she's gettin half the money an a free condo","Glen: wow, you almost feel bad for her","Charlotte: yeah, almost, ill see you tomorrow night (hangs up)","(Charlotte walks over to join Julie and Kirsten who are sitting at the bar)","Julie: (worried) I jus don't think we should sign","Charlotte: hey, what's the matter","Kirsten: oh they want us to sign a liability agreement","Julie: but then you'd be responsible","Kirsten: I'm happy to do it","Charlotte: what could happen","Kirsten: (signs) exactly","(Julie looks at Charlotte then down at the form)","Kirsten: there, it's done, I'm gonna give this to the manager","(Kirsten walks away. Julie glares at Charlotte)","Charlotte: its if somebody stubs a toe, it doesn't mean anything","Julie: I know I'm just...nervous","Charlotte: look as soon as I skip town everybody is gonna blame me (Julie looks at her) your gonna be fine","Julie: (softly) an what about Kirsten","Charlotte: well she is gonna be very hurt (nods) an she's gonna need her best friend (raises eyebrows)","Julie: right...","(Julie looks over at Kirsten who is talking with the manager. Kirsten looks over and smiles at Julie, Julie smiles back. Kirsten looks back at the manager and then Julies smile goes and she looks worried)","CUT TO: The Newport Group - Sandy is in his office and Matt knocks and goes in","Matt: you wanted to see me","Sandy: yeah, I spent the morning with our accountant going over the numbers an your right, in order for this company to be...as strong as possible we have'ta lose nine people","Matt: for once I wish I was wrong","Sandy: but I'm still not doin it (Matt looks at him) I came up with a plan (grabs paper) we restructure our loans, eliminate the perks, cut my salary by thirty percent...we let four people go, it'll get us by","Matt: (reads) but this-this leaves us no margin, if one deal goes down","Sandy: (raises eyebrows) then we go down, but as long as I'm running this company, that's how we're gonna do it","(Sandy sits back down. Matt nods)","CUT TO: The Bait Shop - on stage we see the Subways performing Rock & Roll Queen, after a few seconds of the band we see Marissa and Johnny watching, Ryan and Summer are also there but we can't see them yet","Marissa: hey, it was not a pity invite ok","(Johnny looks at Marissa, unconvinced)","Marissa: (hits Ryan) tell him","Ryan: (looks) yeah no we uh we-we thought you might like to see the band (Summer smiles)","Johnny: right, so you weren't worried id be home alone all weekend thinkin about Casey","same time:","Marissa: (scoffs) nooooo no","Ryan: (waves it off) what, that's crazy","Marissa: no but seriously what're you doing tomorrow because my moms having a fundraiser","Ryan: yeah if you wanna, Seth an I could use your help settin up","Summer: yeah well if there counting on Seth they definitely need your help","Johnny: wow, you guys are so not subtle (Ryan and Marissa looks at him) but I appreciate it, thanks","(we now see Seth trying to buy drinks at bar. poor guy, it's like old times)","Seth: hey ok buddy","(the bar tender walks away)","Seth: (hits bar, frustrated) c'mon- I use'ta work here","(Taylor comes up behind Seth)","Taylor: hello Seth","Seth: (looks) Taylor...hey","Taylor: is Summer here","Seth: (looks at Taylor) ok look I love Summer, I always have now while you an I may share an appreciation for ultra violent Asian cinema (Summer comes up) there is no way","Summer: what's goin on","(Taylor looks at Summer. Summer looks at Taylor then Seth. Seth looks at Summer)","Seth: tell me you just heard what I was saying","Taylor: hi Summer, you look really cute","Summer: I know, but more importantly why are you always talking to my boyfriend","(Taylor just blinks)","Seth: (tries to explain) she likes Yakuza...nevermind (Summer glares at him)","Taylor: well maybe I should just get going (goes to walk away, stops) oh oh um I almost forgot (pulls out Captain Oats) here","(Summer watches unimpressed as Taylor hands Captain Oats to a confused Seth)","Taylor: thanks for letting me borrow him (Seth frowns) (touches chest) really means alot ta me that you trust me","(Seth looks at Taylor, shocked. Summer looks from Seth to Taylor)","Taylor: bye (walks away)","Summer: (hits Seth) you let her borrow Captain Oats","Seth: I didn't let her borrow anything, she must've taken it from me when she was in my room","Summer: (frowns, more upset) when was she in your room (Seth doesn't answer) (realises) wait that was her when I was on the phone the- ...something happened at the lock in (Seth shakes his head enthusiastically) you are such a jerk (hits Seth, walks away)","Seth: (follows) Summer wait...Summer","(we see Seth walking away and Captain Oats sitting on the bar where Seth left him. Seth realises then runs back and quickly grabs Captain Oats. Taylor smiles, pleased with herself. we then see a little more of the band. we see Ryan looking up towards the entrance as Summer then Seth walk out, he then looks over at the bar and sees one of Volchok's bros talking to the bar tender. Ryan says something to Marissa, then Marissa says something to Johnny and they start to leave. Heather and Volchok stand in front of them, blocking their path)","Volchok: you leavin already bro","(Ryan Marissa and Johnny look at them, not saying anything)","Volchok: hello Harper what's up...how's your girlfriend doing","(Johnny goes to move closer to Volchok but Marissa stops him)","Marissa: no whoa hey he's not worth it","Ryan: just get outta the way man","Volchok: or what, your not gonna fight me I know that","Heather: but she might shoot you, she has before","Marissa: yeah...","Volchok: (to Ryan) is that true bro, d'you let your girlfriend do your fighting for ya","(Ryan glares at Volchok. Marissa walks between them and Volchok grabs her arm)","Volchok: no hold up girl","(Ryan grabs Volchok by the shoulders and slams him hard against the bar. Marissa looks worried. Volchok grins, pleased with himself for getting a reaction out of Ryan)","Ryan: don't you touch her","Volchok: so that's what gets you going","(Johnny pulls Ryan off of Volchok)","Security: (points to Volchok) you, out","(Ryan and Johnny look at Volchok, Marissa still looks worried. Volchok leaves reluctantly. Marissa watches Heather and Volchok leave. Ryan goes over to Marissa to make sure she's ok. we see Volchok and Heather now on the stairs. we then see the crowd now dancing again)","CUT TO: Cohen living room - Sandy is on the couch reading the newspaper. the front page says \"Orange County Beaches Voted Best in the State\". Ryan comes in from outside","Sandy: hey","Ryan: hey","Sandy: hey Kirsten's already over at the Yacht Club once you an Mr. Sabbath have breakfast we should head over there an start setting up","Ryan: (nods) great (frowns) can I talk to you about somethin (sighs)","Sandy: (closes paper) anytime","Ryan: (sits) there's this guy an he's gotten it in his head that he's gonna fight me (looks at Sandy)","Sandy: (looks at Ryan) does this have anything to do with the fact that my car is now...the little bitch (raises eyebrows)","Ryan: maybe, I was gonna fix that","Sandy: forget about it (shrugs) that there's enough to go to the cops","Ryan: yeah (looks down)","Sandy: d'you want me ta talk to em","Ryan: no, no offense but uh I don't see this guy getting scared","Sandy: (sits forward, shakes head) you know you can't get into another fight","Ryan: no I know an I've ben tryin'a walk away","Sandy: you're usin your brain instead'a your fists, good","Ryan: but, I mean how's that help me with this guy","Sandy: well you gotta keep walking away, cause whatever is makin him angry (shakes head) it isn't you","(Ryan looks as though he's thinking. phone rings)","Sandy: ohp hang on just a minute (looks at who's calling, frowns, answers) hey Matt its a little early on a Sunday morning...today (raises eyebrows) no you don't do anything till I get there...alright (hangs up) (Ryan raises his eyebrows) you an Seth are gonna have'ta go to the club without me ill catch up later (stands) ill have my phone if you need me","[SCENE_BREAK]","CUT TO: The Beach - Dennis and Marissa are in the car together. Dennis is driving","Dennis: I can't believe you dragged me outta bed for this, this is the worst idea ever","Marissa: there's no other way","Dennis: ok but seriously you don't know Volchok, last year some guy snaked his wave so he went up on the pier an dropped a kitchen sink on him, where do you even get a kitchen sink (parks)","Marissa: yeah well if you're so concerned (gets out) why don't you stay in the car (shuts door)","Dennis: (gets out) I'm jus saying maybe we could bring some muscle (follows Marissa) besides the muscle that I already provide","(we see one of Volchok's bros and Volchok standing at the back of an open van)","Bro: yo yo yo yo ?","Volchok: oh hey hey look who's here (puts hands up) now don't shoot","(Marissa smiles and half laughs as if to say \"so funny\" Volchok laughs at her reaction)","Volchok: hey dork","Dennis: (nods) hey","Marissa: look I want you ta leave Ryan alone (holds out a watch)","Volchok: oh so its bribes now (Marissa looks at him) well I got a watch (holds up wrist) K-Mart, fifteen ninety nine (raises eyebrows)","Marissa: well this is Cardiay, an I got it for my sixteenth birthday (looks at the watch then Volchok) its worth like four grand","(Dennis looks at Marissa)","Volchok: damn (takes watch) you must really think I'm gonna hurt him","Marissa: do we have a deal","Volchok: (looks at Marissa) ...sure, ill leave your little boy alone","Marissa: alright (starts to walk away, then matter of factly) if I see you around again I'm gonna tell the cops you stole that (points)","Volchok: you do that","(Marissa looks back at Volchok as she and Dennis walk towards the car. Dennis waves at them and Marissa hits him)","CUT TO: The Yacht Club - Kirsten is there getting everything organised for the fundraiser. a woman wheels in some flowers on a trolley","Kirsten: don't put them in direct sunlight because then the water starts to heat up an then the flowers they-they wilt (unsure) do-do you think there's too much red","(Julie comes in)","Julie: hey Kirsten","Kirsten: oh hey","Julie: what's up","Kirsten: just giving final instructions, oh I know I'm going a little crazy but I just want everything to be perfect (looks at Julie) it will be wont it (frowns)","Julie: yeah of course I-it'll be fantastic (smiles)","Kirsten: thanks Julie, I am so glad we're doing this together (smiles)","Julie: (smiles) me too","(Kirsten walks away. Julie looks as though she is having second thoughts)","CUT TO: The Newport Group - Matt is there by himself. Sandy comes in","Sandy: what the hell are you doin","Matt: (stands) let me explain","Sandy: forget going behind my back (frowns) you called people in on a Sunday to fire them, is that what they teach ya in business school what so you don't lose time during the week","Matt: eh listen I just thought it would be better now than on Monday when they have'ta face the humiliation of packin up infront'a their co-workers an I didn't go behind your back","Sandy: really, because as much as I appreciate the heads up phone call that your about to fire four of our employees, I don't recall ever agreeing to this","Matt: we agreed we had'a let em go...I jus thought that if I did it myself I would spare you the pain, that's all","Sandy: for the record, I don't let people do my dirty work for me (Matt looks down) where are they","Matt: (motions) they're in your office","(Sandy looks at the door unhappily and then walks over)","Matt: look Sandy","Sandy: oh it's alright Matt, now go home, its Sunday","(Matt nods and leaves. Sandy waits a few seconds before opening the door. we get a glimpse of the employees already in there)","CUT TO: The Yacht Club - Seth and Summer are standing at one of the tables together. Summer is putting something on the table","Seth: listen to me, nothing happened at the lock in","Summer: ah-huh, an yet you still felt the need ta lie about her being in your room","(Summer moves to another table and Seth follows)","Seth: because I knew how you would react (Summer looks at him) not that it's your fault I'm saying it's my fault (points to himself) it's definitely my fault","Summer: you know what is my fault","Seth: what","Summer: (slaps Seth hard on the cheek) that (walks away)","Seth: (touches cheek) ooooowwwww","(Seth follows Summer. in the background Ryan and Johnny are setting up tables together)","Johnny: listen man I'm really sorry about the...whole Volchok thing","Ryan: ah it's not your fault, guys like Volchok are lookin for any excuse","Johnny: sounds like you've ben in this situation before","Ryan: yeah, feels like every week","Johnny: look...if anything goes down (looks at Ryan) I'm there","Ryan: (nods) yeah, thanks, but I'm hoping it doesn't come to that","Johnny: sometimes you don't have a choice","(Ryan looks as though he's thinking)","CUT TO: Charlotte and Julies condo - Charlotte comes out all dressed up for the fundraiser, she stops when she sees Julie sitting at the table not ready","Charlotte: Julie, you're not dressed, we need to leave in a few minutes","Julie: I don't think I can do this (drinks)","(Charlotte walks over to Julie)","Charlotte: you're worried about Kirsten getting hurt","Julie: Kirsten, Marissa (nods) even if they blame you...","Charlotte: (nods) I see, well what if they blame you","Julie: (looks at Charlotte) what","Charlotte: (shrugs) what if I call the police an tell them how we (frowns) created a fake charity ta defraud your friends","Julie: Charlotte they'd arrest you","Charlotte: yeah but they'd have'ta find me first, I somehow think you'd be a little easier to track down (Julie looks at her, shocked) (sits on the table) could you do jail Julie, an if you did which one of your former friends would be there ta help you when you get out (leans closer) now get - dressed (raises eyebrows) or we'll be late for the party (Julie looks at her)","CUT TO: The Yacht Club - Marissa and Summer are now dressed up. Marissa has flowers in her hand and puts them down on a table","Summer: d'you think Taylor's pretty","Marissa: Summer","Summer: well I mean I know she's not prettier than me but like objectively speaking","Marissa: objectively speaking I think Seth loves you an you've got nothing to worry about","(Marissa sees Heather enter the club)","Marissa: (hands Summer flowers) go put these on a table","(Summer walks away. Marissa walks over to Heather)","Heather: (holds up watch) he told me to give you this, he changed his mind, he wants cash","Marissa: but he can sell that","Heather: tell him yourself, he's in the parking lot","(Marissa looks at Heather. the next thing we see is Marissa and Heather going out to the parking lot. Volchok is sitting in the van with the side door open","Marissa: we had a deal","Volchok: pawn shop aint open an I need cash now, I owe a guy some money","Marissa: well I don't have four thousand dollars","Volchok: well lucky for you all I needs' a couple hundred, c'mon you got an ATM card don't you (Marissa looks at him, reluctant) screw it (gets out) your boyfriend inside hm","Marissa: ok, fine ill go","(Marissa gets in the van then Volchok gets in after her. the door shuts)","CUT TO: The Yacht Club - we see a tray with 7 glasses of wine on it. the tray gets carried away and we can see Julie talking to a couple","W: party's really wonderful Julie","M: yeah it really is","Julie: I am so glad that you both could come, but you know what you should watch those ahe rolls? Chuck or we'll be treating you for substance abuse (laughs) oh excuse me (smiles) nice to see you","(Julie goes over to Kirsten)","Kirsten: well you don't miss a beat (smiles)","Julie: oh well you know just like riding a bike","Kirsten: (smiles) Julie I really wanna thank you","Julie: (suprised) for what","Kirsten: making me do this, I wasn't sure that I was ready, but having your support (smiles, shakes head) I just wish...my dad could see us (raises eyebrows) he'd be so proud","(Julie smiles, Kirsten smiles at her and then walks away. Julie sighs, worriedly - we then see Taylor standing with her mom)","Ts mom: I thought you said you'd have friends here tonight","Taylor: (looks) well there jus...not here yet (shrugs)","Ts mom: I don't want another evening of you sitting alone in the corner reading the economist, it's embarrassing","(we see Seth standing in the background watching with a frown on his face)","Taylor: there gonna be here","Ts mom: well excuse me if I don't hold my breath","(Seth walks over)","Seth: Taylor","(Taylor and her mom look over)","Seth: I'm sorry I'm late it was uh (to Ts mom) hi Seth Cohen","Ts mom: (smiles) Veronica Townsend nice to meet you (Seth nods) Taylor is this the young man you bought the present for","(Seth looks at Taylor)","Taylor: (horrified) mom (raises eyebrows)","Ts mom: well give it to him (to Seth) she must'a wrapped it an re wrapped it four times before we left the house","Taylor: (softly) oh my god (Seth frowns) um ok (pulls out present) fine (hands it to Seth)","Seth: oh wow, you didn't I mean that's you know (opens it, looks at Taylor) Yakuza demon (Taylor looks down shyly) how did you get this I thought they only released it in Japan","Taylor: (nods) yeah my cousin um works for Krustys? in Tokyo and...he sends me DVDs I don't know I jus thought you would like it","Seth: it's amazing","Ts mom: well ill just...let you two be alone (smiles)","(Taylor's mom walks away)","Seth: Taylor this is like so-","(Taylor runs outside upset. Seth follows her)","Seth: Taylor","Taylor: (upset) go away Seth, I don't need you feeling sorry for me","Seth: I don't","Taylor: (scoffs) oh my god (looks at Seth) well why not, you heard her she's horrible she's (touches forehead) always saying the same things why don't people like you Taylor why aren't you popular Taylor why don't you have friends Taylor","Seth: well she doesn't know what she's talking about","Taylor: (laughs) yeah but that's just it she does...I live in this dream world where I think that Summer is my friend and I think that you like me (Seth looks at her) an the truth is that I don't have anybody, oh my god even the Grinch had that stupid little dog","Seth: (frowns, nods) you think Summers your friend","Taylor: yes I know I'm crazy","Seth: (leans forward) you know what I like you","Taylor: no you don't","Seth: yes I do","Taylor: (raises eyebrows) you pity me its different","Seth: (shakes head) no I really do I think your (shrugs) funny","Taylor: (laughs) stop teasing me","Seth: I'm not listen'a me I'm serious (puts hand on Taylor's shoulder) you got great taste in movies, I think your smart, I think your interesting","Taylor: (puts hand on top of Seth's) really","Seth: yeah, an if you just relaxed a little bit I think other people would see that","(Taylor nods and brings Seth's hand to her cheek)","Seth: you know they'd see that your one of a (thrown) kind...yeah but I've actually gotta head back in (points, takes hand off Taylor's cheek) right now so","Taylor: Seth I","(Seth un hooks Taylor's fingers from his)","Seth: no no it- just because uh I think Summer may be looking for me","Taylor: oh (smiles)","Seth: an you know if she was to come out here an see us talking (motions stabbing) so uh we're gonna talk at school","Taylor: ok (smiles)","Seth: ok, ok good (starts walking away, stops) but I feel really good about this","(Seth goes inside and Taylor squeals excitedly. she cups her hands over her mouth)","Taylor: it's happening","(Taylor smiles, cups her hands again and laughs while walking away - inside Johnny is sitting at the bar. Ryan goes over to him)","Ryan: what's up man (touches Johnny's back, nods to the bar tender)","Johnny: hey, this party's unbelievable, feels like I'm in a movie","Ryan: yeah I know the feelin (smiles) you haven't seen Marissa have you (drinks)","Johnny: no, no but I just got here (looks at Ryan) why what's up","(phone rings)","Ryan: nothing, I just saw her a while ago but (looks at who is calling) guess who (answers) hey where are you","(we now see that Marissa isn't the one on her phone, its Volchok. Marissa is standing between Heather and one of Volchok's bros)","Volchok: well right now...I'm with your girlfriend","(we see Ryan's stunned face)","Volchok: are you there little bitch","Ryan: yeah I'm here","Volchok: she's fine (laughs) but she does miss you so why don't you come get her, we're underneath the pier (hangs up)","(Ryan hangs up)","Johnny: what's up","Ryan: uh...Volchok's got her","Johnny: we should call the cops","Ryan: yeah, you call em I'm gonna finish this (leaves)","(Johnny sits there for a few seconds and then follows Ryan - Sandy walks in looking depressed. Kirsten sees him)","Kirsten: hey (smiles)","(Sandy goes to wave and say hey but Charlotte calls Kirsten. Sandy waves it off and motions that it doesn't matter)","Charlotte: Kirsten, I've raised over three hundred thousand dollars in pledges","Kirsten: oh that's great, I think Julies doing even better","Charlotte: yeah","Kirsten: I wouldn't be suprised if we hit a million","Charlotte: oh, where is she I haven't seen here in a while (looks around frowning)","Kirsten: I don't know","Julie: (into mic) excuse me","(we see that Julie is standing in front of everybody holding a microphone)","Julie: uh excuse me may I have your attention over here please (waves) I'm Julie Cooper-Nichol, its so great to see all your face an I just wanna thank you so much for coming here, with your assistance we are going to be able to help a great many women in need (everyone claps) (Charlotte and Kirsten watch) thankyou um however as you write your cheques I would ask that you make them out to the National Foundation For Substance Abuse (Charlotte looks stunned) as it so happens your generosity has somewhat overwhelmed our small organisation an with the National Foundations network your money will go alot further (quickly adds) and still be tax deductible (everyone laughs) so thankyou very much (more clapping)","(Julie glares at Charlotte. Charlotte looks almost angry)","Kirsten: did you know about this","Charlotte: no I...ill go talk to her (smiles)","Kirsten: ok","(Charlotte walks over to Julie and grabs her arm as she's walking)","Charlotte: Julie, what the hell do you think your doing","Julie: (nonchalantly) oh could you not hear me, I always hold the mic too far away (looks at Charlotte)","Charlotte: I wasn't kidding about the police, Julie, now you get back over there an you tell everyone it was a mistake","Julie: call em","Charlotte: what (frowns)","Julie: call the police (Charlotte looks at her) I thought so","Charlotte: oh what you think your back in society now so you don't need the money, wake up...Julie, these people are never gonna accept you, you don't have any friends here","Julie: wrong, I have Kirsten (shakes head) an I wont do this to her (Charlotte looks at her) now, I think its time you left don't you, this towns only really big enough for one (raises eyebrows) manipulative bitch (kisses Charlottes cheek, Charlotte turns away) take care sweetie","(Julie walks away - we then see Summer come up behind Seth)","Summer: where've you ben (Seth turns around) just because I'm not talking to you doesn't mean your allowed outta my sight","Seth: no I was in the (points) parking lot","Summer: (frowns) you were in the parking lot, why were you in the parking- (looks down and takes the present) Yakuza, were you with Taylor","Seth: she's having an emotional crisis","Summer: yeah well she's about to have a physical one","Seth: Summer, she thinks you're her friend","Summer: what (frowns) she is crazy I hate her","Seth: I know you along with everyone else look (Summer raises her eyebrows) this whole thing started because the other day I was at the lock in an I saw how awful her mother is so you know what I was nice to her","Summer: (nods) ok, so that's the problem that you were too nice","Seth: well she's just not use to it an I think she's overreacting a little bit (Summer frowns) she's jus really lonely","(Summer looks at Seth, Seth looks at Summer)","Summer: well she doesn't make it easy to be nice too","Seth: I know","Summer: (sighs) ...just don't ever lie to me again ok","Seth: I wont I swear","Summer: (smiles) how badly d'you wanna go home right now an watch that movie","Seth: so bad it may actually kill me","Summer: c'mon","(Summers walks away and Seth follows her)"],"Show Title":"The O.C.","Episode Number":"03x07","Episode Title":"The Anger Management","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_O.C._04x05.json","Recap":["Taylor finds a new way to get closer to Ryan but ends up turning to Kaitlin for support. Summer and Che take their activism to a new level but pay the consequences later. Meanwhile, Julie fights for the affection of Kaitlin's new tennis instructor, and Kirsten seeks additional funding for NewMatch."],"Transcript":["Poolhouse","Seth: Bollywood, huh? I didn't know you're such a world cinema buff, especially at 2:30 in the morning.","Ryan: What are you doing up?","Seth: I had a dream Summer was marrying Ralph Nader and I was playing the marimba at the wedding.","Ryan: Good gig. Why don't you call her?","Seth: I'm giving her space, remember? I promised myself I'd wait at least a week before calling. What are they dancing about?","Ryan: This guy just saw his girlfriend's ankle. Hmm. You think it's about time to talk to someone?","Seth: Nobody ever died of insomnia. Fine. You know what? I'm sort of in the mood for a chaste Hindu love story with lots of needless dancing.","Ryan: Seth, go to bed.","Seth: No can do. If you're awake, I'm awake. At Cohen's","Kirten: Come on. Love is...","Seth: Nice.","Kirsten: Thank you. You know, you'd be a lot sharper if you didn't sleep on the couch.","Seth: You know, maybe you should invest in some less-comfortable furniture. Why don't you chew on that for a while?","Sandy: Morning, all.","Kirsten: Hey, how'd it go?","Seth: Oh. I'll get it. Sandy; Five feet, glassy, and I got that skinflint Sweeton to pledge $30,000 to the PD's Youth Outreach Program.","Kirsten: Oh, they are so lucky that you are organizing that event. You are amazing.","Sandy: Mm... Uh-huh. What do you need?","Kirsten: I just need a slogan for New Match. So far, your son has come up with \"Love is Nice,\" and \"Love Schmov.\"","Taylor: \"Love is a smoke made with the fumes of sighs; being purged a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes.\"","Kirsten: Taylor, that's beautiful.","Taylor: Shakespeare. Old Bill's always good or a line. Julie left this in my car. So, um, I was in the neighborhood, I thought I'd drop it by in case you needed it.","Kirsten: Oh, thank you. I'm going to go give Ryan some coffee.","Taylor: Um, I can do that.","Kirsten: Thank you. Poolhouse","Ryan: Hello?","Taylor: Easy, girl.","Ryan: Taylor, what are you doing here?","Taylor: Um, I'm just, uh, bringing Kirsten some papers. This is for you.","Ryan: Oh, thanks, but actually, I'm kind of not drinking coffee right now.","Taylor: Oh. Well, Ryan, I just wanted to thank you again for helping me with my husband, and I am...","Ryan: You don't have to pay me back.","Taylor: Are you kidding? If it wasn't for you, I would be in France right now, trapped in a loveless marriage. You saved my life, and I am at your command. Anything you want... anything.","Ryan: You could hand me that shirt.","Taylor: You joker. Here. Um, I'm serious. You're not getting out of this so easily. You know, in some cultures,they say that if you save someone's life,you're bound to them forever. Bye. At Cohen's","Sandy: Here she comes.","Taylor: You know, it's odd, but I never appreciated how funny Ryan is. Life-- such a journey. Well, have a nice day.","Sandy: She said Ryan was funny. Generic At Roberts'","Julie: Oh, my God ! Wake up! Wake up!","Hans: Oh, what are you doing?","Julie: It's almost 8:00. You have to get out of here before my daughter wakes up. Oh, my God.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kaitlin: Are you my new daddy?","Hans: Oh, uh, good morning. I'm, I'm your mom's personal trainer. We were just doing an early morning workout.","Kaitlin: Oh, really? How much do you charge for that?","Hans: Well...","Kaitlin: Save it, okay? If my mom wants to club five nights a week, sleep till noon, and hook up with some 25-year-old Bavarian beefcake, it just means she's got less time for me. The door is that way, Hans.","Hans: Okay.","Julie: Kaitlin... You are having breakfast alone?","Kaitlin: Yeah, why? Who else would be here?","Julie: No one. Uh, although my new personal trainer was going to come over. You know, we single women have to stay in shape.","Kaitlin: Well, I'm sure he'll give you a very good workout.","Shopping center","Seth: Oh, no.","Taylor: Seth! Good, you're here.","Seth: Actually, I was just, I was...","Taylor: You might want to sit down. I have huge news and a favor to ask you.","Seth: You like Ryan and you want my help convincing him to date you?","Taylor: Wow.","Seth: You said he was funny; that's kind of a giveaway.","Taylor: I know, it's crazy. I mean, I've always thought \"Cute guy, might be good for a night of rough-and-tumble fun, but it's not like we have anything in common.\"","Seth: So ignore it. It's probably just gas.","Taylor: But then when he helped me with my husband and he kissed me, it was like Dorothy landing in Oz. Everything just popped into Technicolor.","Seth: Ah.","Taylor: You think I don't know what that means?","Seth: I said, \"Ah.\"","Taylor: Meaning, \"Ah, that Taylor, she is so pathetic. Someone's the least bit nice to herand she becomes totally obsessed with them. First me, and then her French husband when he lent her a subway ticket, now Ryan.","Seth: Well, you know, isn't it kind of true?","Taylor: So what? Yes, I have a psychological predilection to become romantically attached to men who are nice to me due to the fact that I was raised by a she-wolf of a mother who practiced emotional terrorism. Does that mean that if by some miracle, love does come into my life,I should deny it? What kind of person would that make me? What kind of life...","Seth: Taylor, what do you want me to do?","Taylor: Find out if he's ready to start dating.","Seth: Okay. At Ryan's workplace","Ryan: Hello?","Seth: Hey, you're doing a great job.","Ryan: Thanks.","Seth: Did you finish the movie last night?","Ryan: Uh-huh. Uh, which one?","Seth: Are you ready to date again?","Ryan: What?","Seth: Simple question.","Ryan: I have no idea. Why?","Seth: Okay, cool. At the comics bookstore","Seth: He's not sure. Listen, you don't want to get involved with him right now, okay? He slept like four hours in the last week. He's a mess.","Taylor: Really? Interesting. Brown's college","Man: Excuse me? Can you not do that now? Excuse me.","Che: Hey, we're supposed to clean, buddy.","Man: Yeah, and I am in the middle of something.","Summer: What's this one's name?","Man: Don't touch that. They're part of an experiment. You're a janitor?","Che: Uh, you know, we can just go. Betty, we'll come back later.","Summer: Yes, Lou, we should go. At the tennis court","Spencer: So you're going to hold the ball gently, okay, like, um, like you're holding ice cream.","Kaitlin: I stopped eating ice cream.","Spencer: So what do you eat?","Kaitlin: Nonfat, non-dairy yogurt.","Spencer: Fine, hold the ball like nonfat yogurt.","Kaitlin: Okay. But if I serve this one in, you have to go out with me.","Spencer: Kaitlin, how many times I got to say this? You're 15.","Kaitlin: So a kiss is still out of the question?","Spencer: Just serve the ball. There it is, it's over the net.","Julie: Well, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to squeeze me in for a training session tonight. Mm-hmm. Easy girl. Hold on a second.","Spencer: Eye on the ball. Come on.","Julie: Kaitlin, you didn't tell me you had a new instructor. Hi, I'm Julie Cooper, Kaitlin's mother.","Spencer: How you doing? Spencer. Uh, your daughter, she's got a lot of potential. Mm-hmm. So you play?","Julie: Oh, no, I used to, but... I was actually thinking about getting back into it. New Match Office","Kirsten: Hey. You're early.","Sandy: Well, I wanted to see the new place up and running... and give you this. So Julie already took off, huh?","Kirsten: She had to pick up Kaitlin at tennis. Oh, it's a Wonder Woman paperweight.","Sandy: Seth gave me his employee discount.","Kirsten: Well, it may end up being a souvenir.","Sandy: What are you talking about?","Kirsten: Remember that woman that I told you about in Laguna that has a high-end dating service?","Sandy: Yeah, she's going to retire, sell you her client list.","Kirsten: Well, she got another offer, four times ours,and right now we don't have enough money to counter, which means that all of this could be short-lived.","Sandy: What about taking on a backer?","Kirsten: I could you put in touch with the donors I've been talking to.","Sandy: I'm playing golf tomorrow with Gordon Bullet.","Kirsten: The oil tycoon?","Sandy: Yeah.","Kirsten: Didn't he go to jail for tax evasion?","Sandy: Yeah, but he's out now. I had dinner with him last month. He's really not a bad guy for being a total pig.","Kirsten: I don't know. We just wanted to do this ourselves. And besides, having a silent partner, they always have an opinion.","Sandy: Well, it's my impression he's got a lot of fish to fry. So I doubt he'd be involved in your day-to-day, but I could ask him.","Kirsten: Okay. Thanks. Brown's college","Che: Clear.","Summer: Did you find out what they were doing with them?","Che: Does it matter? If it wasn't evil,they wouldn't have to keep them locked in cages like animals.","Summer: What's the plan again?","Che: The plan is to set them loose and then lead them to the forest. The forest, across the river.","Summer: Lead them, how?","Che: I brought my flute.","Summer: Your flute? Like the Pied Piper?","Che: Uh, no, scientific study shows that music actually triggers a reaction inside the pleasure center of the rabbit's brain. Check this out. Feel his heartbeat. It's calmer. It's just to keep them calm. But trust me, as soon as they feel the free air on their faces,they're going to be leading us.","Summer: Hi. You're a fat bunny. You're name is Pancakes. Did you know that? Huh? Pancakes. Hey, come here.","Che: Okay, when I open this door we've got about 60 seconds till the storm troopers arrive. You ready to do this?","Summer: Yeah.","Che: Welcome to liberty, my friends.","Summer: Come on, Pancakes. Poolhouse","Ryan: Taylor?","Taylor: Ryan, you can't sleep, can you? You poor thing.","Ryan: It's 3:00 in the morning.","Taylor: Seth told me everything. But lucky for you, junior year, I won the state science fair for my study in sleep disorders. I can help you.","Ryan: Oh, well, that's really nice, but actually, you know,I'm fine.","Taylor: It's the middle of the night, and you're wide awake.","Ryan: So are you.","Taylor: Well, I never sleep more than four hours a night. It's unproductive. Ryan, don't you see, this is how I'll pay you back.","Ryan: Yeah. You know what? Actually, I'm kind of tired.","Taylor: Stop lying. I want you to meet me tomorrow morning at 8:00, at the diner. And I won't take no for an answer.","Ryan: Fine.","Taylor: Ryan?","Ryan: Yeah?","Taylor: Good night.","Ryan: Good night, Taylor. At the coffee shop","Taylor: Okay, just relax. Be normal. You can do this. Good morning, Ryan.","Ryan: Hi.","Taylor: Oh, you poor thing. You look exhausted.","Ryan: Yeah, well, look, Taylor, I don't know what Seth told you, but I'm fine, really. I've got work, so...","Taylor: Did you sleep at all last night?","Ryan: No, but, uh...","Taylor: And how about the night before? Ryan, insomnia can go on for months. What's the harm in letting me try and help you?","Ryan: Fire away.","Taylor: Okay. So, um, first off... How much of this is related to Marissa? I'm really sorry to ask, but if that's what's going on, I think we need to know. Well, I need to know.","Ryan: It's not about her. It started after Thanksgiving.","Taylor: Hmm. Right after Volchok turned himself in?","Ryan: Yeah, I guess, why?","Taylor: Ryan, I'm just spit-balling here...","Ryan: Yeah, yeah.","Taylor: But, um, this is the guy you wanted revenge on, right? So you probably went to bed every night thinking: \"I'll get him tomorrow.\" But now that purpose is gone, so what's the point in going to bed if there's no point in waking up?","Ryan: I hadn't thought about that.","Taylor: Oh, my God. I am such an awesome sleep therapist. And this is only our first session.","Ryan: Yeah, listen, I better go.","Taylor: Yes.","Ryan: But, uh, thanks. This was, uh... Good.","Taylor: Well, my pleasure. Bye. Tennis court","Spencer: You ready? Nice shot, Julie.","Julie: Thank you, Spencer.","Kaitlin: You know, this is supposed to be my tennis lesson.","Julie: Don't you think it's fun to do mother-daughter stuff?","Kaitlin: Please.","Spencer: Come on, keep your eye on the ball, Kaitlin. Let's go. Bring it back, up, and very nice. Back, up and... Very nice. Mm-hmm.","Julie: Do you mind? It's the third time.","Kaitlin: Sorry.","Spencer: Ow. Ooh. Are you all right ? This will helpwith the serve.","Julie: I think I really strained it. I'm strong.","Soencer: You are strong. I'm pretty impressed.","Julie: Ooh, perfect. Where's my racket?","Kaitlin: Oh, that's weird. You know, I'm ready when you are. Golf course","Gordon: Well, I get that she did a fine job in that whole Middle East thing, but I'm sorry, Madeline Albright-- not hot.","Sandy: Well, Gordon...","Gordon: I told you to call me Bullet.","Sandy: Well, Bullet, call me crazy, but maybe Madeline Albright doesn't need to be hot.","Gordon: Oh, well, that's an interesting point of view, Sandy.","Sandy: Hey, your donation to the PD's Outreach Program was really generous, thank you.","Gordon: Oh, well, you caught me at the right time. I was in bed with those Arab fellas. That's a metaphor. Them boys cooked the books on me, so I sold out. Left them high and dry. They never should have messed with old Bullet. Bang. All righty. Look at that. Shii-ite Muslim. You see, the point is, I'm cash-rich right now, and I don't know what to do with all the stuff.","Sandy: Really?","Gordon: Cigar?","Sandy: No, thanks.","Gordon: They're Cuban. Commie bastards do one thing right.","Sandy: You know, my wife just started a business, and she and her partner are thinking about taking on investors. In fact, you could talk to them about it tomorrow at the benefit-- you know, get the details.","Gordon: Well, I don't think I'm going tomorrow, Sandy. You see, my date went back to her husband.","Sandy: I'm going to do you a favor. You should talk to my wife,because that's the business she's in, and her partner is newly single.","Gordon: She hot? Ryan's workplace","Seth: And I was into recycling way before it was cool. Al Gore got half that stuff from a paper I wrote in sixth grade. I just don't, you know, make a stink, because he's doing good work.","Ryan: Well, when are you allowed to call Summer again?","Seth: 10:03 tomorrow. Am I driving you crazy?","Ryan: No, no.","Taylor: Hi, Seth. Ryan, I need your keys. I have to get your room ready.","Seth: What?","Taylor: Oh, I'm Ryan's sleep therapist.","Ryan: Right. Uh, that's your tacos.","Seth: Because you can't.","Taylor: Why not? I did not tell you about Ryan's sleep problems, so you could use it for some weirdo seduction. I'm not...","Seth: Are you a sleep therapist? Are you certified? Sleep ther... Do you have a little certificate from the American Institute of... uh, the sleep place?","Taylor: And what if I can help him? He wins, I win. They call it win-win for a reason.","Seth: It doesn't matter. You can't.","Taylor: Just say what you're really thinking, Seth.","Ryan: Hey... Everything okay?","Seth: Yeah.","Taylor: Great.","Seth: Could you go get me some pico de gallo?","Ryan: Yeah. Sure.","Taylor: It's true-- you don't think I'm good enough.","Seth: That's crazy.","Taylor: Oh, Taylor, she's so funny, what a kook,but her and Ryan, please.","Seth: You need help, do you know that?","Taylor: I mean, she's no Marissa. Exactly.","Ryan: Here you go.","Seth: Thanks, I've got to get back to the shop.","Taylor: Yeah, I better go, too. At Brown's college - Summer's bedroom","Summer: Hey, Amber. Did Seth...\"?","Amber: Your boyfriend didn't call. I thought he was giving you space.","Summer: Uh... he is. It doesn't mean that I can't call him.","Amber: Oldest trick in the book. I'm giving you space so you can call first and look like the needy one.","Summer: Seth isn't doing that.","Amber: Of course not. Oh, but the dean's office called. They want to see you tomorrow.","Summer: What? Did they say what for?","Amber: No.","Amber: Hey, did you hear that someone set free the bunnies in one of the science labs?","Summer: Huh, really? Well, maybe someone thought it was inhumane.","Amber: Maybe someone didn't know they were only being studied for their socialization patterns and lived a pretty cushy life. By the way, there's a rabbit under your bed.","Summer: Che.","Che: I got the call, too. That scientist picked us out of a face book. Apparently the chiseled features of freedom, not that hard to recognize.","Summer: What are you going to do?","Seth: Breathe, caterpillar. It's all going to be okay. I went through the same exact thing when they tried to frame me for flooding the trustee dinner.","Summer: But you did floodthe trustees' dinner.","Che: Yeah, but they didn't know that. Flax and Oats?","Summer: I don't think I can lie.","Che: Of course you can't. No more than the wind could lie,or a tree. Oh... I have to go write a song. I just came by to tell you that I am with you until the end.","Summer: But, Che, what if they kick us out?","Che: Then in the words of the great Chief Aupumut I will sing my death song and die like a warrior going home.","Summer: Pancakes. Jettey","Brad: I thought we were goingto the beach.","Kaitlin: In a minute. I just want him to see me in my bikini first.","Eric: You mean you want him to molest you.","Kaitlin: All right, shut up. I have real feelings for this guy... Oh, my God.","Eric: Wow, looks like your mom has some feelings, too for that guy's butt.","Brad: Dude, why are you talking about that guy's butt?","Eric: Shut up.","Brad: You're so gay sometimes. Poolhouse","Ryan: Oh, my God.","Taylor: Welcome home, Ryan.","Ryan: Taylor. Taylor, Taylor. This, um... Are you wearing pajamas?","Taylor: Oh, yes. Many people sleep better with a warm body beside them. Don't worry. It's completely non-sexual.","Ryan: Yeah. I've got to ask, though. Is this... I mean, you don't, you don't like me, do you?","Taylor: Um... Yeah, I like you. We're friends.","Ryan: No, I mean, the, um...","Taylor: Oh. Oh... My goodness, no. No, no, no, no, no. I just, you know, I want to pay you back and, um... I happen to be really interested in sleep disorders.","Ryan: Okay.","Taylor: Great. Shall we start with a massage?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Seth: Oh! Whoa! What the...? Hey, what are you doing here?","Taylor: Me? What are you doing here?","Seth: Uh, bringing Ryan coffee, and I live here. Did you stay the night?","Taylor: No. Well, yeah, kind of. Can I just have one of these? You didn't put any sweetener in, did you? 'Cause I read that aspartame can cause brain tumors quicker than you can say Jack Robinson. Hey.","Seth: Taylor.","Taylor: I was just helping Ryan with his sleep. Have you seen him? He was gone when I woke up.","Ryan: Hey! I went for a jog. It's, uh, this isn't what it looks like.","Taylor: Totally. Yeah, you know... Well, kind of. We did sleep in the same bed.","Ryan: No, actually, uh, you slept in the bed. I was reading in the chair all night.","Seth: This is too weird for this early in the morning. I'm just going to... here.","Ryan: Well, that was good.","Taylor: So you really didn't sleep at all? Is it because I snored? My mom always wanted me to get an operation for a deviated septum.","Ryan: You didn't snore.","Taylor: We should talk about what happened so I can adjust the plan for tonight.","Ryan: Taylor, look, I appreciate everything you've done. I really do. And I think you're probably right about Volchok. But I also think it's something I need to go through on my own. So let's call it even, okay?","Taylor: Okay.","Ryan: All right. I'm going to go jump in the pool.","At Roberts'","Julie: So what, Sandy just served me up like a piece of meat? How rich is he? 5:00 will be fine. Hi, honey.","Kaitlin: You going on a date?","Julie: Yes, I'm going to Sandy's delinquent benefit with a man called \"The Bullet.\" Apparently, he owns Texas.","Kaitlin: Oh, well, that sounds like fun. Um, do you think Mr. Cohen would mind if I crashed?","Julie: Yeah, I think that'd be okay. I'll have to leave you some cab money.","Kaitlin: Well, what if I invited a friend who drives?","Julie: That works, too. It's nice to see you interested in charity.","Kaitlin: That's me. Brown's college - Dean's office","Dean: Ms. Roberts, the reason we called you in today...","Summer: I helped free the bunnies. I didn't know that they were only being studied for how they interacted. I know it doesn't excuse it.","Dean: Well, the board appreciates your candor. Can you tell us who else was involved?","Summer: No, I'm sorry.","Dean: I see. There have been other acts of political activism this semester that cross the line of legality: An incident at the Board of Trustees Dinner...","Summer: I wasn't involved in that.","Dean: Do you know who was? Ms. Roberts, the severity of your punishment will be influenced by how cooperative you are today.","Summer: Dean, other deans, I really, really love Brown. I have changed so much here. But I'm afraid if I tell you who did those other things, then I'd be betraying the new me, and I can't do that.","Dean: One final question. There is still one rabbit missing.","Summer: I don't know anything about that. At Roberts'","Kaitlin: Taylor, did you take my lip gloss with the bee pheromones in it?","Taylor: It's on the dresser.","Kaitlin: Are you okay?","Taylor: Yeah, peachy.","Kaitlin: Talk.","Taylor: Okay, what do you do when you like a boy and he barely knows you're alive and you already pretended to be his sleep therapist and... I'm out of options?","Kaitlin: Okay. Well, this may sound a little weird, but try dressing up fabulous and going to a place where you know you'll run into him.","Taylor: That's it?","Kaitlin: That's it.","Taylor: That really works?","Kaitlin: Almost every time. And I mean,touching his arm when you guys are talking is always good and dancing and body contact. And laugh at his jokes. I mean, even if they're not that funny.","Taylor: Ooh, I-I do that already. Okay, what else?","Kaitlin: You could walk in front of him, I mean, if he's a butt guy.","Taylor: I don't know if he's a butt guy.","Kaitlin: Well, it can't hurt. I mean, girl, you've got a great butt.","Taylor: You are such a sweetie. Tell me more. Charity case","Sandy: I just want to thank you again on behalf of the entire Public Defender's Office. So please, drink, dance and have a great time. Thank you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Sandy: Hello.","Kirsten: This is wonderful.","Sandy: Thank you. So how's Julie and The Bullet doing?","Kirsten: See for yourself.","Gordon: So there was this big, white-tailed Texas deer coming across there, so I wheel around like Dick Cheney and go... bang! I got him. Bang!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Taylor: Hello, Ryan.","Ryan: Taylor, hi. You look, um...","Taylor: I look nice?","Ryan: Nice, yeah, that's the word I was looking for.","Taylor: Well, so do you. Would you like to dance?","Ryan: Actually, I'm not much of a dancer. It's probably shocking.","Taylor: Maybe the exercise will tire you out. Not that this is therapy. No, we're not doing that anymore. It's just, you know, fun.","Ryan: Yeah, okay.","Taylor: Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Julie: Whew. Okay, just a second. He wants to talk numbers Monday.","Kirsten: Who?","Julie: The Bullet. He's getting drinks. But he's in, Kiki. He loves New Match.","Kirsten: That's great.","Julie: I know.","Kaitlin: Mom.","Julie: Kaitlin.","Kaitlin: Look at who I brought with me.","Julie: What are you doing here?","Spencer: You said your mom told you to bring me.","Kirsten: Uh, Julie, what's going on?","Kaitlin: Is that your date?","Julie: You and I will talk later. Bullet, this is...","Gordon: What the hell are you doing here, boy?","Julie: You know each other?","Spencer: You're on a date with my dad?","Julie: What?","Kaitlin: What?","Kirsten: Oh, God.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Sandy: You ditching my party already?","Seth: I was thinking about calling Summer. I'm not supposed to call her until 10:03, but technically, it is 10:03 on the East Coast, so that's not cheating, is it?","Sandy: Sorry, Seth. I'd say, yeah, that'd be cheating. Hey, did I see Taylor leaving the pool house this morning?","Seth: Yeah, she's pretending to be Ryan's sleep therapist so he falls in love with her. That's new.","Sandy: That'd explain the way they're dancing in there. I hope it works out.","Seth: You're supporting this seduction plot?","Sandy: Well, you don't have to be a shrink to see that Ryan's still working through things. You know, I think he could use the human connection.","Seth: Yeah, but those two... I don't know.","Sandy: Well, they're not the most obvious couple, but then neither were you and Summer once upon a time. And Taylor thinks Ryan is funny.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: We-we did not hate you.","Taylor: Oh, you totally hated me. Come on, you were probably the president of the \"We Hate Taylor Club.\"","Ryan: I was the secretary. I took the notes.","Taylor: Ryan, you made a real joke.","Ryan: Yeah, well, a pretty bad one. But I made a real joke. Thank you, but don't tell anyone. You want a drink?","Taylor: That'd be nice.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Seth: I saw you dancing with Taylor.","Ryan: Yeah, is that look supposed to mean something or...?","Seth: Crazier things have happened. Nothing I can recall this instant, but...","Ryan: Okay, I don't think so. Ask yourself why.","Seth: She's smart, she's funny.","Ryan: Dude, just forget about it, okay? I'm not going to date Taylor.","Taylor: Um, I was just... Excuse me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: Taylor, Taylor, Taylor... Hold on, let me explain.","Taylor: Oh, I think you were pretty clear, Ryan. And, yes, I lied when you asked me if I liked you. But... What was I even thinking? I mean, you and me... I must be totally crazy.","Ryan: You're not crazy, okay?","Taylor: Ryan, I pretended to be a sleep therapist to seduce you.","Ryan: That was crazy.","Taylor: Don't worry, because I'm sure next week I'll be totally obsessed with some guy who gives me change for parking.","Ryan: Look, what I said has absolutely nothing to do with you, okay? It's just...","Taylor: What? That for the longest time all you could feel was your desire to kill Volchok,now that's gone,so you feel empty. You can't feel anything, least of all anything for me.","Ryan: How do you keep doing that?","Taylor: Doing what?","Ryan: That-- you keep telling me what I'm thinking before I feel it.","Taylor: Because I think about you. You know, I want you to be happy, and I think that if you gave it a chance, you might feel something, too.","Ryan: Taylor...","Taylor: Are you going to tell me that you really like me as a friend?","Ryan: Maybe. How does she do that?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Julie: Do you have any idea what you just did in there?","Kaitlin: Screwed up things with your new boyfriend? Thought you were all, \"I'm off men. I'm going to start focusing on the new business.\"","Julie: That was about business, Kaitlin. That man was going to give us money, money that we need.","Kaitlin: Then why'd you have to hook up with Spencer? I mean, couldn't you see that I liked him?","Julie: He's ten years older than you, and no, I couldn't see that.","Kaitlin: Well, I was flirting with him.","Julie: You flirt with everybody.","Kaitlin: So do you.","Julie: You're 15 years old.","Kaitlin: And you're my mother. I don't have to see guys sneaking down the stairs while I'm trying to eat breakfast. It makes me want to barf. That...","Julie: That is completely fair. Oh, my God, honey. What is wrong with me? I am so sorry.","Kaitlin: It's okay. Just try to pick one guy. One that I don't like.","Julie: How did you know that Spencer was Bullet's son?","Kaitlin: I didn't.","Julie: It was just coincidence? That's weird.","Brown's college","Che: Summer, hey. What are you doing?","Summer: Waiting for you. Have you been talking to the board this whole time?","Che: Summer, have I accomplished anything this semester?","Summer: Are you kidding? Che, there would be no political activism at Brown without you. Oh, my God, are you getting kicked out?","Che: No, no, but I think you might be.","Summer: What?","Che: Yeah, they needed a scapegoat. You said yourself, I'm too important to the movement, so...","Summer: What did you tell them, Che?","Che: Uh, just that you flooded the trustee's dinner, and disabled the maintenance vehicles in October... And, well, there's a whole list of stuff. I was only going to say a couple, but then, you know, I thought, if Summer's going down anyways... may as well have her go down in style.","Summer: Well, Che, you did all of those things and I protected you.","Che: I know. And the movement will never forget it.","Summer: Shut up about the movement, okay? This is not Cuba. We are in college. We have dining cards. I'm going to get kicked out.","Che: Caterpillar.","Summer: No, okay, don't call me that. Okay, just stay away from me. Charity case","Gordon: Well, fine. Fine. You'll have your money tomorrow. Senators. Well, if it's not the little pot stirrer. Have you seen my idiot son? He's probably somewhere banging his head against the wall.","Kaitlin: Dude, no one cares that he's your son. You should invest in my mother's business.","Gordon: Or what? You going to tell everyone what a meanie old Bullet is and I'm going to have to sit alone at lunch? Oh, boo-hoo, boo-hoo.","Kaitlin: My mother is awesome. She ran the Newport Group. And when she broke up with her fiancee, she got his house. She'll make you a lot of money.","Gordon: Already got a lot of money, squirt.","Kaitlin: Just thought it might be some fun. Well, if that's all you're in for, then knowing my mother, will be the best investment you've ever made.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kirsten: Tired?","Sandy: Exhausted. Hey, how'd it go with the Bullet?","Kirsten: Well, as it turns out, Julie was dating his 25-year-old son.","Sandy: Ooh. That's a weird coincidence.","Kirsten: That about sums it up.","Gordon: Sandy, mind if I borrow your wife for a second? Come on, blondie, I won't bite.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Julie: Hey, you ready to go home?","Kaitlin: Yeah. Where's Spencer? I figured you guys would have made up and he'd be showing you his half volley.","Julie: I told him it's over and that if he ever came near you again, I would crush him.","Kirsten: Julie? We're back on. Bullet wants to come by the office on Monday.","Julie: What?","Kirsten: Apparently Kaitlin can be quite persuasive. I'll talk to you tomorrow.","Kaitlin: Yeah, I got game.","Julie: You want to get some ice cream?","Kaitlin: I stopped eating. What the hell. The guy at the ice cream store is so hot.","Julie: That's my girl.","Seth's bedroom","Seth: Well, close enough.","Taylor: Seth.","Seth: Taylor, what are you doing in here?","Taylor: When I had really bad insomnia last year,a Chinese doctor gave me this herbal tea. And I thought it might help Ryan sleep. I would have given it to him before, but I was trying to seduce him.","Seth: So... So why can't you just give it to him?","Taylor: Because I'm too embarrassed. You were totally right. Here I am, getting a divorce, I'm living like a refugee at Julie's. Ryan's nice to me so I fall for him ? It's just totally pathetic. Just please give that to him.","Seth: Wow, I never thought I'd see you quitting.","Taylor: Well, it's completely hopeless, Seth. You heard him.","Seth: Yeah, I know, just you're rolling over like an old dog. Not the Taylor I remember.","Taylor: Are you seriously trying to Jedi mind trick me?","Seth: Taylor Townsend, quitter. I guess I'll just have to get used to that.","Taylor: Fine.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Seth: Hello.","Summer: Hey.","Seth: Hey. Summer, I was just about to call you.","Summer: Oh, you were?","Seth: Yeah.","Summer: I wanted to call you, but I didn't want to seem needy.","Seth: Are you kidding? I been wanting to call you all week.","Summer: Seth, you still love me, right?","Seth: Of course I do. What's going on?","Summer: Well... I got a rabbit.","Seth: Okay. What's its name? Wait, no, let me guess. Is it Cyclotron?","Summer: No.","Seth: Are you lying? Is it, uh, Gorgon the Destroyer of Carrots?","Summer: No.","Seth: Is it Larry?","Summer: Larry? You're not Larry.","Poolhouse","Taylor: Um, I brought you some tea. I'm not trying to be your therapist again. I just thought it might help you sleep.","Ryan: Oh, thanks.","Taylor: Oh, God, what am I doing.","Ryan: Wait, hold on. Look, I've got to say something. I think you've got this idea that you're this strange person that has to trick people into liking you. That's not true. You're, um... You're amazing.","Taylor: Oh, my God. You just did it to me.","Ryan: Did what?","Taylor: You said exactly what I was feeling. Well, except for the amazing part.","Ryan: Well, it's true. Honestly, you know, I wish I did feel something.","Taylor: Kiss me.","Ryan: Uh, what?","Taylor: I think there's something there. And I think that if you kiss me you'll feel it, too.","Ryan: I think we already did that.","Taylor: Nope, uh-uh. You kissed me, I didn't kiss you. Come on. Just... If you don't feel anything, I will never mention it again. That's the best deal you'll ever get. Ask Seth. Just one kiss. One kiss. One kiss.","Ryan: Okay.","Taylor: Okay. I'm sorry. Seth's bedroom","Summer: Thanks for talking to me, Cohen. I really miss you.","Seth: Get some sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow.","Summer: I love you.","Seth: I love you, too. Poolhouse","Seth: Hey, I figured you'd be up. Ryan is finally asleep. End of the episode."],"Show Title":"The O.C.","Episode Number":"04x05","Episode Title":"The Sleeping Beauty","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_O.C._04x12.json","Recap":["Ryan tries to act like he doesn't miss Taylor, who is seeing a therapist. Kirsten's turning 40 but has her mind focused on other things. Julie is having an affair that Kaitlin does all she can to stop. Che makes a discovery about Seth."],"Transcript":["At the shopping center","Taylor: Hello.","Kaitlin: Taylor, where are you? I thought you were going to come to dinner.","Taylor: Oh, uh... you should just go on without me. I haven't finished my errands yet.","Kaitlin: Wait, you've been gone all day.","Taylor: Well, I had to go to the dry cleaner and get my nails done and then go to the Matthew Barney exhibition.","Kaitlin: Oh, okay. Well, is Ryan with you?","Taylor: No, Kaitlin, I told you. We're giving each other some space. I haven't spoken to him in over a week.","Kaitlin: Okay, well then, I guess you're not going to Kirsten's thing.","Taylor: What thing?","Kaitlin: Her party. She's turning 40. I was kind of hoping that you were going to be there to do something weird,so it's not so boring. Wait, do you want to know where it is?","Taylor: No. Uh-uh. I don't. Uh... I have to go. Good-bye.","Cop: Excuse me, miss.","Taylor: Yes?","Cop: I'm afraid you're making some of the business owners around here a little nervous.","Taylor: Why? What are you talking about?","Cop: Well, you've been loitering here for the past seven hours.","Taylor: Loitering. What's loitering? I've been... just...","Cop: What are you doing with those binoculars?","Taylor: These... are for bird watching. Mm-hmm. There's a very interesting oriole in that tree right there.","Cop: I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.","Taylor: Okay, Ryan's off work in ten minutes. Can you just give me a... Ten minutes! You want a donut?","Cop: No. At Roberts' - In the kitchen","Julie: Hey, Taylor's not joining us?","Kaitlin: Nope. Lucky her.","Julie: Sorry this isn't up to your standards, honey.","Kaitlin: I'm a little short on cash right now. So why'd you leave New Match?","Julie: Because Kirsten and I are better friends than business partners, okay? Could we just leave it at that? Excuse me.","Kaitlin: Five people in this house and I end up eating dinner by myself.","Julie: Hi. So we're still on for Friday, right? Well, I don't like sneaking around either, but we don't have much of a choice, do we? I know, I miss you, too. What? Oh, no, that's just Summer's boyfriend Che. Hold on, um, I'll go outside, okay? At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom","Summer: Che, what are you doing?","Che: The I-Ching was devised by ancient Chinese mystics as a way to interpret the invisible current of the universe.","Summer: What are you trying to figure out?","Che: I had a dream, Summer...in which my soul mate was revealed to me.","Summer: That's great.","Che: It's great, but... it's complicated. I must be certain-- Dragon on a mountaintop.","Summer: That's interesting. Um... Che? Nothing against Chinese mystics, but, uh, if you want to find out if someone's your soul mate, why don't you just try spending time with them?","Che: You think that's what I should do?","Summer: Yeah. Why not? See if you have anything in common.","Che: Because the day after tomorrow is Groundhog Day and I'm planning a little black ops mission to free Newport Chuck.","Sumer: The groundhog?","Che: Yeah. You've heard of this travesty?","Summer: I've heard about the festival. They put him onstage with the mayor and if he sees his shadow, it means six more weeks of winter. Which is crazy considering we don't even have winter to begin with. But I think they treat him okay.","Che: No, 364 days a year, little duder is stuck in a cage. Now he gets to play circus freak for a day? No, that's absolutely criminal.","Summer: Just don't involve me 'cause that's how I got kicked out of Brown. You coming to dinner?","Che: No, go without me. Summer... besides getting you kicked out of college, you know I'd never do anything to hurt you.","Summer: Of course.","Che: I'll see you in a little bit. Tomorrow, brother. Tomorrow... we'll get this whole thing figured out. That, right there, is grasshopper at night. At Cohen's","Sandy: Are you sure you don't want to come?","Kirsten: Watching a movie about a guy eating a live octopus? I think I'll pass.","Sandy: It's also got one of the greatest fight sequences in probably the last five years.","Ryan: Oh, yeah, that'll convince her.","Seth: Listen, Mom, what better way to see out your 30s than a little South Korean shock cinema?","Kirsten: So tempting. You're going to be late. You better go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kirsten: Oh, hi, it's Kirsten Cohen. I was wondering if Dr. Harris could see me; it's urgent.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Seth: Are you sure it's all right to leave her? She seems a little down.","Sandy: Oh, she's turning 40. Even for a woman as beautiful as your mother, that's not easy.","Ryan: Well, maybe we should stay.","Sandy: No, trust me. Right now, all she wants is a little time alone to process everything.","Ryan: You don't think she knows about the party?","Sandy: What? No. Are you kidding me? Nobody plans a surprise party like Sandy Cohen. I could've been with the CIA.","Seth: I hear they're known for their birthday parties.","Generic At Cohen's","Che: Good morning, brother.","Seth: Che, what are you...? I mean, this is real, right? This isn't a dream?","Che: Unless this whole life is a dream. But, no, for our purposes, you are awake. Seth, how do you feel about the subjugation of animals?","Seth: Um... I hate it.","Che: When you hear that a fellow mammal is being exploited for cheap entertainment instead of being allowed to burrow in the soft soil of Mother Earth, does it make you want to tear your hair out? Well, then rise and shine, brother, for the clarion call of justice has rung across the land.","Seth: I'm glad I don't sleep naked.","Che: Yeah, me, too. I didn't think about that.","Seth: You could've had... At Roberts' - Kaitlin's bedroom","Brad: Tell him you want to feel his butt.","Eric: Yeah, say how you can't wait to get two big handfuls of butt.","Kaitlin: Okay, you guys, that's gross. I'm supposed to be my mom, okay?","Eric: Exactly.","Brad: Look, you want this guy to think your mom loves him, right? This is how adults talk to each other.","Kaitlin: I've been e-mailing Bullit as my mom for, like, a month now. You don't think it'd bea little weird if I randomly asked him about his butt?","Brad: No. It just shows that she cares for him.","Eric: And his butt.","Kaitlin: Do you guys not realize how much you talk about other guys' butts?","Brad: Do you want your mom to close the deal or not?","Kaitlin: \"I miss your butt. Love, Julie.\"","Brad: Awesome. Awesome. At the poolhouse","Sandy: Hey. You busy?","Ryan: No.","Sandy: I'm just going in to pick up Kirsten's birthday present. Thought you might want to come along. You know, grab some lunch.","Ryan: Ah, yeah, sure.","Sandy: Is everything okay?","Ryan: Mm-hmm. Fine.","Sandy: How are you doing with all that's going on with Taylor?","Ryan: Okay.","Sandy: Are you sure?","Ryan: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, she says she needs time. I get it. I got plenty of other things to keep me busy. Sandy, I'm fine. I'm not sitting around missing her if that's what you're asking.","Sandy: All right. Okay. Let's say half an hour?","Ryan: All right. At the doctor","Taylor: I need help, Doctor.","Doctor: Well, Taylor, admitting that is the first step in recovery. But tell me, how did you hear about me?","Taylor: Oh, I read your article about emotional addictions in The Journal of Abstract Thought. I saw you teach at UCI, and it just kind of seemed like fate.","Doctor: And you think that you're suffering from an emotional addiction?","Taylor: Yeah, pretty much all my life. 'Cause I never really knew my dad and my mom is... kind of like Idi Amin with fake boobs. You know, big on the torturing and the tyranny, not so big on the nurturing.","Doctor: I see.","Taylor: And then from there, I just kind of became this person who whenever anybody would hold out, like, the slightest prospect of emotional support, I would just seize on it. Like, I married a man who I knew for two weeks just because he told me he loved me.","Doctor: And how has that manifest itself now?","Taylor: Well, I'm dating this guy, Ryan And he's just really wonderful and... I really care about him a lot, but I told him that I needed some space because...","Doctor: Because you know that you're not ready for a mature relationship and you don't want to ruin it?","Taylor: Yes. Exactly.","Doctor: And how has that been?","Taylor: This time apart? Well, that's kind of the other problem. sometimes, when I like someone, I... sometimes... kind of, uh, stalk them. Not in like a scary Star 80 way. Just to, you know, like, follow them around and take pictures and log their activities and then compile it all in a factually accurate, yet aesthetically pleasing scrapbook, and it's all really very... Oh, my God, I'm a total lunatic.","Doctor: Taylor, you are not a lunatic. You recognize that this behavior is not healthy and you want to correct it.","Taylor: I do. I really, really do.","Doctor: All right, well... as you know, from my article, my methods are very aggressive.","Taylor: Okay. I'm in your hands, Doctor. At Roberts'","Kaitlin: What are you doing?","Julie: Neil and I bought these in Cabo. I'm selling them.","Kaitlin: Why?","Julie: Because times are tough, Kaitlin.","Kaitlin: Well, do I need to remind you that your boyfriend's a billionaire?","Julie: No, he's not. I mean... Are you cheating on Bullit? No, I'm not even dating him. That fizzled when he went to Dubai.","Kaitlin: Oh. Well, he thinks you guys are still dating.","Julie: Have you been talking to him?","Kaitlin: No. Just a couple e-mails. And what have you told him?","Julie: Nothing.","Kaitlin: Just... I know he really likes you. And I know he thinks you guys are still a couple. But wait, are you seeing anyone else?","Julie: That's none of your business.","Kaitlin: Fine. Okay, well, what are you going to tell the Bullit? 'Cause he comes back today.","Julie: Will you please answer that?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Man: Julie Cooper?","Kaitlin: Um... yeah. Thank you. \"Can't wait till tomorrow night. Miss you already.\"","At the doctor","Doctor: Mrs. Cohen, thanks for waiting. So, tell me what's going on? Kirsten: Well, the last few weeks I've been feeling weak... just drained of energy. There's been some nausea and light-headedness.","Doctor: Now, I have to ask: have you been drinking?","Kaitlin: Not a drop.","Doctor: And has there been any undue stress?","Kirsten: No. I mean, not more than usual.","Doctor: Well, let's take some blood. Then we'll be able to tell you something. Ooh, you turn 40 tomorrow. Happy birthday.","Kirsten: Thanks. At the shopping center","Seth: You're crazy.","Che: Seth...","Seth: I thought you wanted to release turtles into the ocean or something. I'm not going to help you steal Newport Chuck.","Che: Why, 'cause he looks so happy down there?","Seth: I don't know, he seems to be doing all right with the free carrot deal.","Che: Well, I see this was a mistake. I guess we don't have all that much in common after all. Who knows what might have been.","Seth: Oh, God. Fine. Okay.","Che: What?","Seth: You know, you helped me heal my inner otter, I owe you. You mean, you want to help?","Che: Yeah, that's it...","Seth: ...I feel we have a bond. So what's the plan? At the airport","Gordon: Hey, Peanut. I just left the airport.","Kaitlin: We need to talk.","Gordon: Not if it's about that duty-free booze you asked me to buy.","Kaitlin: No, it's definitely not about that. There's a little something that I should talk to you about.","Gordon: Okay, then why don't you meet me at the jewelry store.","Kaitlin: What are you talking about?","Gordon: Well, Squirt, I liked your mother before I left, but these e-mails I've been getting lately, especially the last one... let's just say, I like the way her mind works. Yes, she is the girl for me.","Kaitlin: You're going to ask her to marry you? Oh, damn am.","Gordon: Why? What were you going to tell me?","Kaitlin: Nothing. She loves anything that's an emerald cut.","Gordon: So you're saying I should ask her?","Kaitlin: Yeah, absolutely. You should totally ask her. Totally. At Roberts - Taylor's bedroom","Summer: You saved a valet ticket?","Taylor: Oh, yeah, that's from our third date. He's a very generous tipper. You wouldn't know it to look at him.","Summer: What's this?","Taylor: Toothpick.","Summer: Gross.","Taylor: Well, he didn't use it... much.","Summer: Okay, Taylor... although I wholeheartedly support you getting rid of everything in this box for purely sanitary reasons, If you like Ryan and he likes you, screw the therapist and figure out your stuff together. I mean, all of this just seems a little insane.","Taylor: Summer, my whole life I've been completely powerless before people who say they have feelings for me. I feel like I need to do this for myself as much as for me and Ryan.","Summer: Even if you lose him?","Taylor: If I don't do this, I'm going to lose him anyway. I don't have a choice.","Summer: Okay. Well, I hope you know what you're doing.","Taylor: Yeah. Me, too. Jettey","Ryan: Kaitlin.","Kaitlin: Ryan. Hi.","Ryan: Hey. You buying some jewelry?","Kaitlin: Yeah, just buying some class rings.","Ryan: Are you here with someone?","Kaitlin: No. Are you?","Ryan: Yeah, Sandy's buying part of Kirsten's birthday present. Hey, how's Taylor been?","Kaitlin: Well... weird.","Ryan: Weird like...?","Kaitlin: Weirder than normal.","Ryan: Really?","Kaitlin: Yeah. A little bit. Hi, Mr. Cohen.","Sandy: Kaitlin, you coming to the party tomorrow?","Kaitlin: Um, yeah, totally. Listen, I got to go, but I'll see you guys.","Ryan: Everything okay?","Sandy: No. The guy in Carson. I just got a message. He lost it.","Ryan: He lost it?","Sandy: Yeah. I don't know how you do that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gordon: The hell you hiding from?","Kaitlin: You scared me.","Gordon: Well, quit hiding out in the shadows like some Al Quaeda wacko.","Kaitlin: I just thought I saw my mom. So what'd you end up getting?","Gordon: Yeah, I did. How you like that?","Kaitlin: Wow. Is it the most expensive one?","Gordon: Well, Bullit bought it. Of course it is. And your mama deserves it.","Kaitlin: Good. All right. Now let's talk about that proposal.","Gordon: No, I got it worked out. This Iranian fellow on my flight played me this Persian love song on his cell phone. So I downloaded it. Check that out.","Kaitlin: Mm-hmm, let's definitely talk about that proposal.","Gordon: It's gonna work.","In Seth's car","Che: No, once the truck is outside for the ceremony tomorrow, there's going to be too many eyes. The best bet is to break into the lobby and take him from the city hall.","Seth: But the door is locked.","Che: The main door's locked, yes. But yesterday, I took a tour of the city hall and I taped the lock on the fire door on the roof.","Seth: How is that tour by the way? I've always wondered.","Che: You know, it's surprisingly good. Good local history, doesn't get too anecdotal.","Seth: Oh, great. How do we get on the roof?","Che: You know what this is? A grappling hook. I climbed Denali last year. It's an Outward Bound course. This is gonna be like a piece of cake.","Seth: I've never climbed.","Che: I brought a papoose for you. Seth; Oh, great. Okay, so we climb on the roof, we break in, we break Chuck out of his cage, we climb down the roof.","Che: And return him to the savannahs of his childhood.","Seth: I actually heard he was captured in Irvine, but just one thing...","Che: Yeah.","Seth: You know this plan is insane, right? It'll never work.","Che: Seth, when the universe intends for something to happen, it will happen. How about a pre-op snow cone?","Seth: Oh, great.","Che: I'm talking your language now, huh? You like snow cones?","Seth: I like... my favorite flavor is cherry, but my dad's is blueberry. At Cohen's","Ryan: Hi.","Doctor: Are you Ryan Atwood?","Ryan: Yeah. Can I help you?","Doctor: This is from Taylor.","Ryan: O... kay. Excuse me. Wait. Who are you?","Doctor: Dr. James. I'm helping Taylor through some issues.","Ryan: So you're her therapist.","Doctor: More of an emotional crisis manager.","Ryan: And she gave you... Is she in your car?","Psy: Uh, Mr. Atwood...","Ryan: Taylor, what is this? What's going on?","Doctor: Ryan, I have instructed her that she should have no direct contact with you for one week.","Ryan: Uh, okay, but she's right here. Taylor. Taylor.","Ryan: Can you just please tell him that I'm sorry, but I really think this is what's best for me and us?","Doctor: Ryan, she's sorry, but she...","Ryan: Yeah, I heard that. Taylor, would you talk to me, please? This is crazy. All right, would you at least tell me what this is about? Are you breaking up with me?","Doctor: She asks that you trust her for a while longer.","Ryan: Taylor, look, whatever the reason you're doing all this, you don't have to-- we can work on it together. Please. Please.","Taylor: Good-bye, Ryan.","Ryan: Does that mean... Okay, you're gonna... At the city hall","Seth: Hey, little buddy. Che. Che. What was wrong with the elevator?","Che: Nothing. I just really love doing that. Hey, little duder.","Seth: What was that?","Che: Let's get... let's get it out. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!","Seth: Okay, where are the ropes?","Che: I left them inside.","Seth: Dude...","Che: No, it's all right. Uh... relax. I'll go get them. Here.","Seth: Do you want to...?","Che: Give it here.","Seth: Hey. There some sort of problem?","Che: Uh... it is possible that the piece of tape I put over the lock got torn through.","Seth: So are you saying we're stuck up here?","Che: No. As long as I can... Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Che: Get out.","Seth: Che, what are you doing?","Che: I didn't mean to wake you up. I'm meditating over a dream. You realize this is the second time you and I have spent the night together?","Seth: So?","Che: So... does that mean anything to you?","Seth: You'll be going on your little adventures by yourself from now on?","Che: Seth... when the universe... intends for something to happen...it will happen, and our personal desires or natural predilections, they just don't figure in. In fact... there's something that I've been meaning to tell you.","Man: This belong to you two?","Che: Crouch behind me.","At Cohen's","Sandy: Oh! Happy birthday, sweetheart.","Kirsten: Thanks.","Sandy: Hey. Come on. Sit down. I am making you a birthday breakfast you won't believe.","Kirsten: Oh, that's sweet, but, Sandy, I don't think I'm in the mood for a big breakfast.","Sandy: Oh, you're taking this turning-40 thing a little hard, aren't you? You know, it's not the end of the world. You're more beautiful now than the day we met. Soon, Seth and Ryan'll be gone. We'll be able to do whatever we want. We'll be like kids again.","Kirsten: And live in the back of a mail truck?","Sandy: Why not? 'Course, maybe we'll throw in a pillow-top mattress. My back's not what it used to be.","Kirsten: Sandy...","Ryan: Hey! Happy birthday.","Kirsten: Oh... Hey, thanks.","Ryan: Did I interrupt something?","Kirsten: No!","Ryan: Okay.","Kirsten: Oh. Excuse me.","Sandy: Hey, dinner reservations 8:00. Don't make any plans.","Ryan: Any luck yet?","Sandy: Nothing. I must've made 30 calls yesterday.","Ryan: All right. Well, anything you need me to do today, I'm all yours.","Sandy: Thanks. I feel she really needs this.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kirsten: Of course I can see the doctor today, but can't she just tell me? I understand. She wants to tell me in person.","At the shopping center","Julie: Hi, babe.","Kaitlin: Mom, where are you?","Julie: I'm at the spa getting shined and buffed. What's up?","Kaitlin: What does it feel like when your appendix bursts? While walking","Taylor: I don't feel proud.","Doctor: Well, you should be. What you did yesterday was very difficult.","Taylor: Yeah, but the look on his face... I just wanted to hold him.","Doctor: And you will, but first you have to take care of yourself. Excuse me. Hello. Yes. Oh. All right. Listen, I've got to go. Another patient's having a crisis. But we'll talk later.","Taylor: Okay. All right. Oh, God, I'm sorry. Sorry about that.","Man: You guys must be getting ready for the festival. Yeah. Thanks. Uh... okay. Come on, guys, let's go. Uh... We don't want to be late. At Roberts'","Julie: Kaitlin?","Kaitlin: Mom, I'm fine.","Julie: What? Wh...? What are all these flowers doing here?","Kaitlin: There's someone who wants to ask you something.","Julie: What are you talking about?","Gordon: There you are.","Julie: Gordon!?","Gordon: You are a sight for sore eyes. Come to Big Daddy.","Julie: Okay, everybody stop. What is going on? You're not dying and... Gordon, what are you doing here?","Gordon: It's time, squirt. Hit it.","Kaitlin: I really don't think that it's...","Gordon: Trust me. Hit it.","Kaitlin: Okay.","Julie: Oh. My God.","Gordon: Julie Cooper, I've traveled the world over, had everything money can buy, but there comes a time in a billionaire's life that his money ain't worth a dime unless he has someone to share it with. Will you marry me?","Julie: I don't know what to say.","Gordon: Oh, a \"yes\" works for me.","Kaitlin: Mom, isn't this great?","Julie: Y... I-it's very, very nice, but, please, stand up. I'm, I'm flattered, but... w-will you turn that off, please?","Kaitlin: Okay.","Julie: Fine. Thank you. I guess I'm just surprised.","Gordon: Well, when I see something I want, I go for it like a bullet. Bang.","Julie: But, Gordon, we haven't spoken since you went to Dubai.","Kaitlin: Mom, he just asked you to marry him. I mean... look at the ring. It's ri-dog-ulous.","Gordon: An-and what about all those e-mails? I've never seen so many X's and O's and that would be hugs and kisses, right?","Julie: W-what e-mails?","Kaitlin: You know, the music was actually really awesome.","Gordon: And especially that last one-- you know the one, where you said...","Kaitlin: Oh, crap. In jail","Summer: Hello. Che:Caterpillar.","Summer: Che, oh, my God, he looks so sad.","Che: Who?","Summer: Newport Chuck. I'm looking at him right now-- I thought you were going to rescue him.","Che: Well, things didn't go exactly as planned. Are you at the pier right now?","Summer: Yeah. They're setting up for the ceremony right now. Where are you?","Che: The Man caught me.","Summer: What? You're in jail, Che?","Che: No, don't. No, don't worry about me. You have to focus on Chuck. He needs you right now. Caterpillar, you have to rescue him.","Summer: No. Che, I told you not to involve me.","Che: Sometimes, Summer... our destiny is chosen for us.","Summer: All right. I'll see what I can do.","Che: Okay. It's all you.","Man: I was next. Who should I call? Park","Taylor: I see. So, who else is on stage other than the mayor and, obviously, Newport Chuck?","Woman: Well, a couple of the mayor's men, some city council members, a few police officers.","Taylor: And so, uh, that's it?","Woman: Mmm. Wait. There's also a few people dressed as groundhogs. What paper did you say you're with?","Taylor: Uh... Groundhog's Day Weekly. which comes out once a year, usually around...","Woman: Groundhog Day?","Taylor: Yes. Thank you so much. At Roberts - Kaitlin's bedroom","Julie: You were e-mailing him and pretending to be me?","Kaitlin: I just know you don't deal well with long-distance relationships. I thought you might regret it.","Julie: Really? That's the reason? Has nothing to do with you being sick of eating frozen dinners?","Kaitlin: What? And your saying no has nothing to do with the fact you're seeing a mystery man?","Julie: A.) I never said no. B.) That is my private life. Kaitlin, there is more to relationships than just money. I don't care for The Bullit just because he's a billionaire.","Kaitlin: Maybe I care a little bit. But the reason why I would've told him to marry you is because I know he loves you, and he's a really nice guy, and he's really funny...and he'd make an amazing step-dad.","Julie: You have to tell him the truth.","Kaitlin: What are you gonna tell him?","Julie: I don't know.","Kaitlin: Well, better make up your mind quick...'cause I'm taking him with me to Kirsten's party. At Cohen's","Kirsten: Hello.","Julie: Kirsten. I need your help. Oh. Happy birthday.","Kirsten: Thanks.","Julie: Bullit just proposed to me.","Kirsten: That's nice.","Julie: I told him I'd give him an answer by tonight, but the truth is...I've been seeing someone else in secret. You'll never believe who.","Kirsten: Julie, I'm, I'm gonna lie down. Congratulations. Park","Sandy: That was a guy at the junkyard at Chatsworth. He's got one. He says he can have it at the yacht club in an hour.","Ryan: Sounds like everything's gonna be okay.","Sandy: Well, let's hope. What's going on with you and Taylor? Come on. You've been in the dumps today.","Ryan: Honestly, I don't know. She said she needs space; I said, \"Sure.\"","Taylor: Stupid tree. Oh... dumb branches.","Ryan: I sort of talked to her.","Sandy: Taylor was right there, right?","Ryan: Oh, yeah, oh, yeah; but she wasn't supposed to be talking to me. She would say something and then the therapist would say it again to me. Wow. It's crazy, huh?","Sandy: Yeah. I mean, a little, but...","Ryan: And, I mean, I want her to do what she needs to do.","Sandy: Did you tell her that?","Ryan: I tried.","Sandy: Excuse me.","Ryan: Yeah, sure.","Sandy: Yeah, hello. Seth? Where are you?","Taylor: Oh, no...","Ryan: Oh, whoa, you... You okay? Taylor? What are you doing?","Taylor: I was just...","Ryan: Taylor, are you okay?","Taylor: I'm sorry. Just... forget you ever knew me. In jail","Seth: My dad said he'll be right over.","Che: What about me?","Seth: Don't worry, Dale. He knows you're here, too.","Che: But I don't wanna leave. Seth, I haven't been honest with you. Uh... remember in the sweat lodge when you discovered that your animus was a sea otter?","Seth: Mm-hmm.","Che: Well... see, I had a dream that night, too. Uh... and I discovered that my animal self was a bullfrog.","Seth: Oh... that's awesome; frogs are cool.","Che: Yeah, but there's, there's kinda more to it. See... I also discovered that the animus of my soul mate... Well, see, my... in the dream, my bullfrog was in love... w-with...a groundhog. It wasn't an otter at all.","Seth: What? Wha-What wasn't an otter?","Che: Never mind. No, nothing. What?","Seth: You were gonna say... Che!","Che: Never mind.","Seth: Che, what wasn't an otter?","Man: I ate a squirrel once.","Seth: That's great.","Cop: Cohen, Cook, someone's posted bail for you.","Che: Whew!","Seth: You coming?","Che: No, you go. I'm not leaving till we're both free.","Seth: Works for me. At Cohen's","Kirsten: Sandy, where have you been? I called you three times.","Sandy: Well, it's been a busy afternoon.","Kirsten: Please tell me that you haven't planned anything big tonight.","Sandy: Well, on your birthday, sorry, but I plead the Fifth. Listen, can you meet me at the yacht club?","Kirsten: I thought we were going together.","Sandy: Yeah, I know, but I had to make other arrangements.","Kirsten: Sandy...","Sandy: I'll see you in a few minutes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Seth: Hi, Dad. I hope I'm not late for Mom's party.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Man: Kirsten Cohen?","Kirsten: Yes?","Man: I'm here to take you to your husband.","Yatch club","Ryan: I cannot believe that you tried to steal Newport Chuck.","Seth: Sometimes the universe makes you do things that you don't even understand.","Ryan: Sure. Well, Sandy didn't seem to upset about it.","Seth: Are you kidding? He's waited 18 years for me to be arrested for political activism. It's probably the proudest moment of his entire life.","Ryan: Ah! It's your mom. Good evening.","Kirsten: Good evening. Thank you.","Ryan: You're welcome.","Seth: Happy birthday.","Kirsten: Oh, thank you. I hope your father didn't do anything too extravagant.","Ryan: Ooh, might be a little late for that, yeah.","Kirsten: Oh, my God.","Ryan: Yeah, that was my first thought, too.","Sandy: Happy birthday, sweetheart.","Kirsten: Oh... Sandy, it's...","Sandy: No, it's not the same mail truck we had at Berkeley, but it is exactly the same model.","Kirsten: It's amazing. Thank you.","Sandy: And here's your real present. Happy birthday. Around-the-world first-class air tickets. Just you and me. That's not bad, huh?","Kirsten: Ah... I-I think I can... I can top it. Can I talk to you in private?","Sandy: Yeah.","Kirsten: You two stay here.","Sandy: Fellas, watch the truck.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kirsten: I want you seated for this.","Sandy: Is everything okay?","Kirsten: I went to a doctor.","Sandy: Are you sick?","Kirsten: Yes. But only in the mornings.","Sandy: What?","Kirsten: I'm pregnant.","Sandy: Wait, one more time.","Kirsten: Sandy, we're having a baby.","Sandy: We're having a baby?!","Kirsten: Everything's gonna change.","Sandy: You're not kidding. I love you.","Kirsten: Well, that's good, because there's gonna be a lot more of me to love.","Sandy: Oh, my gosh.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kaitlin: And then Brad was, like, \"Oh, no,\" and I was, like, \"Oh, yeah.\"","Gordon: Well, that Brad sounds like a piece of work. And I still can't believe you wrote me all those e-mails.","Kaitlin: Yeah, I'm sorry about that.","Gordon: And that last one, a little frisky, a little inappropriate. Aw, but what the hell. The offer still stands she's still the most exciting woman I've ever met.","Julie: Kaitlin. Gordon.","Kaitlin: Mom, did you hear that? The Bullit still wants to marry you.","Julie: Yes. Well, Gordon, that's very generous. But I'm afraid my answer has to be no. Sit down; I'm not finished. As I was saying, no because we don't know each other well enough. But... I'm willing to correct that. I like you, Gordon, and if after spending time together, I can grow to love you, then... yes, I would be proud to be your wife.","Gordon: Wow. Oh, wow. Come here.","Kaitlin: Can I get up now?","Julie: Yes, of course you can get up.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Seth: Oh, my God.","Ryan: Oh, my God.","Sandy: That's what I said.","Kirsten: I know this isn't what everybody expected.","Sandy: That's family, there's nothing more important than that. I mean... I mean, you're... you're pregnant.","Seth: It's so weird.","Ryan: Yeah, well, congratulations.","Seth: Yeah, it's great.","Sandy: Especially since it makes me getting arrested seem trivial now...","Kirsten: You got what?","Seth: Thanks for prepping her, Dad.","Sandy: Oh, that we'll deal with that later. Uh, right now... we've got some guests inside.","Seth: Actually, I was gonna ru and pick up Summer, so...","Ryan: Oh, could you give me a ride, 'cause I got...","Seth: Go tell Taylor that you love her and you can't live without her?","Ryan: Mm, something like that. Hey, I'll see you guys in a few minutes.","Kirsten: Yeah. And suddenly, we're alone again.","Sandy: Eh, not for long.","At Roberts - Summer's bedroom","Summer: Take care of him.","Che: Don't worry-- soon enough he'll be burrowing away with his little brothers and sisters. Listen, I'm so sorry that I got you arrested. I should've never asked to borrow your costume. I didn't mean to get you into trouble.","Summer: It's okay-- turns out the mayor's a lover of our animal brethren. He gave us both amnesty.","Che: Yeah, and this way we got to meet.","Girl: The universe works in mysterious ways.","Summer: So your dream was right all along-- that's amazing!","Seth: Hey. Wow, crowded room. You guys off?","Che: Yes. To where the winds of libery blow over the mountaintops.","Seth: You mean Chicago or something?","Che: Take care, you two In another life, brother.","Summer: So, are we too late for your mom's birthday party?","Seth: Uh, actually, I think it may be more of a baby shower now, but I'll explain in the car, or maybe I won't. I think it's supposed to be a secret. Listen, what did, uh, Che mean when he said \"in another life\"? In another life what? At Roberts - Taylor's bedroom","Taylor: Hello? Hello?","Ryan: Oh, yeah...","Taylor: Who is this?","Ryan: What are you wearing?","Taylor: Ryan? Were you just trying to stalk me?","Ryan: Yeah, I guess I need a little more practice.","Taylor: That is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.","Ryan: So does that mean the whole, uh, space thing...","Taylor: Yeah, terrible idea. You don't mind dating someone who's a total weirdo?","Ryan: No, no. In fact, I was thinking we could work around it. Like, I have to go to Kirsten's party, but if you wanted... you could follow me.","Taylor: Yes, and then when we get there, I could hide behind a plant and just kind of watch you.","Ryan: Exactly, exactly. And then, on the way home, I could stalk you.","Taylor: Yes! And then I stalk you. Yatch club","Julie: Hi. It's me. No, I-I won't be making it tonight. Listen, I, uh... I'm back with Bullit. I know. I know. But this is the best thing for my family. I'm sorry.","Frank: Me, too.","Julie: Good-bye, Frank. End of the episode."],"Show Title":"The O.C.","Episode Number":"04x12","Episode Title":"The Groundhog Day","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Office_01x05.json","Recap":["Michael and the office staff take on the workers in the warehouse in a basketball game. Through racist and sexist ideals, Michael chooses many of the lesser skilled office workers over their more athletic peers. Michael claims a \"flagrant personal intentional foul,\" stops the game, and declares his team as the winners. The warehouse finds the call unfair and Michael caves under pressure, and concedes the victory to the warehouse staff. Michael eventually tells the office that they don't have to come in on Saturday either, but it does little to calm them: \"Like coming in an extra day is going to prevent us from being downsized.\""],"Transcript":["Michael: [to Jim] Hey, you ready?","Michael: All right, all right, secret sign. Hey, Ryan. [Ryan holds up his bag] Very good. Excellent, excellent.","Dwight: Michael!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Today at lunchtime we're going to be playing the warehouse staff at a friendly little game of basketball. My idea. Last time I was down there, I noticed they'd put up a couple of hoops, and I play basketball every weekend. So I thought, \"This might be kinda fun.\" And so I started messing around and... I'm sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans! So... you know, it's really just a good friendly game, a reason to get together.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Pam, Pam, thank you ma'am. Messages, please. Thank you.","Dwight: Michael, can I talk to you, please? Privately? In your office? I think I should be on the team.","Michael: No. And that's not me being mean, Dwight. That is based on your past behavior.","Dwight: Oh, please.","Michael: [to camera] When I let him come to my pick-up game...","Dwight: I apologized for that.","Michael: [to Dwight] I vouched for you.","Dwight: Michael, I...","Michael: I vouched for you in front of Todd Packer, Dwight. All right, here's what I'm going to do. The hand strikes and gives a flower. You are not going to play basketball. But I need somebody to come in and take over the holiday and weekend work calendar.","Dwight: I can handle that.","Michael: Good. Excellent, it'll be fun. Because corporate, uh, wants someone to be here on Saturday. And so we're going to have to have some people come in on the weekend, and I know nobody's gonna want to do it and I know everybody's gonna complain and bitch and I don't want to have to deal with that.","Dwight: And that's why you have an assistant regional manager.","Michael: Yes it is. Assistant to the regional manager.","Dwight: [to camera] Same thing.","Michael: No, it's not. It's lower, so...","Dwight: It's close.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: So we need someone to work this Saturday and I think that, that should be...Jim.","Jim: God, this is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head. Phyllis, can you believe this?","Phyllis: Keep me out of it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: My fiance has plans for us this Saturday. So I really hope that Dwight doesn't make me work. Maybe I should sleep with him? I'm kidding, kidding. Totally kidding.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: All right, managing by walking around. This is our warehouse. Or, as I like to call it, the whorehouse. But don't you call it that, I've earned the right.","Ryan: Fine, don't worry about that.","Michael: And here we have \"Mister Roger's Neighborhood.\" Come on over here. Hey, this is Ryan. He's temping upstairs.","Lonny: What's up?","Michael: And this is the foreman. Mista Ra-jahs.","Darryl: It's not my real name.","Michael: No, it's Darryl. Darryl is Mista Ra-jahs.","Ryan: Darryl Rogers?","Darryl: Darryl Philbin. Then Regis, then Rege, then Roger, then Mister Rogers.","Michael: [laughs] And that is Lonny. And this is Roy. Roy dates Pam. You know, the uh, the best looking one upstairs.","Ryan: Yeah, yeah.","Michael: You still getting it regular man? Huh? I mean, I can tell her it's part of the job! Rapport!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: [on the phone] No, no, I know that the warranty's expired, but isn't it supposed to last longer than two years if it isn't defective? OK, fine, three years.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Pam gets a little down. Her toaster oven broke. Um, which she got at her engagement shower. Um, for a wedding that still has yet to be set... and that was three years ago.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: So, um, one o'clock sharp and we've got a game on.","Darryl: We're loading at one.","Michael: Oh, I see, you're chickening out on me. You're bailing on me.","Darryl: No, we got a truck going out at 1:15. So, that's the busy time.","Michael: Oh, well, I'm glad that some time is a busy time because whenever I'm down here it doesn't seem too busy to me. Oh, oh. You can dish it out, but you can't take it. OK, fine, have it your way. [clucking and dancing like a chicken]","Darryl: All right, fine, you know what? One o'clock.","Michael: All right, see you at one.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Are we ready for the game?","Everybody: [half-heartedly] Yeah.","Michael: I... yeah, yeah. I know, grumble, grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumbling all the way. Like that, uh, dwarf from Lord of the Rings.","Dwight: Gimli.","Michael: Nerd. That is why you're not on the team.","Dwight: Just trying to be helpful.","Michael: Uh, [in a nerdy voice] \"I'll help, Elwyn Dragonslayer, uh, ten points, power sword.\"","Jim: That's him.","Michael: OK, so, let's put together a starting line-up, shall we? Stanley of course.","Stanley: I'm sorry?","Michael: Um, what do you play? Center?","Stanley: Why \"of course\"?","Michael: Uh...","Stanley: What's that supposed to mean?","Michael: Uh, I don't know. I don't remember saying that.","Jim: Uh, I heard it.","Michael: Well, people hear a lot of things, man. Um... other starters... Me, of course. I heard it that time.","Phyllis: I'd like to play if it's just for fun. I played basketball in school.","Michael: [ignores Phyllis)] Um... Yeah. Who else? We have Jim. We have Ryan, the new guy, right? Untested. Willing to prove himself now. A lot of passion, a lot of heart.","Ryan: But, I'm getting paid to skip lunch?","Michael: Yes.","Ryan: OK.","Michael: Yes, this is business. The, uh, business of team building and morale boosting. Uh, who else?","Oscar: I can help out, if you need me.","Michael: I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box.","Kevin: I have a hoop in my driveway.","Michael: No.","Phyllis: I have a sports bra.","Michael: No, no, ridiculous.","Dwight: Michael, look. [Dwight throws paper at the garbage can] Missed it...","Michael: Close. All right, uh... Me, Stan the man, Jim, Ryan and Dwight.","Dwight: Yes!","Michael: Sorry Phyllis.","Dwight: Can I be team captain?","Michael: No, I'm team captain.","Dwight: Can I be team manager?","Michael: No, I am the team manager. You can be assistant to the team manager.","Dwight: Assistant team manager?","Michael: No.","Dwight: OK, we'll see who's working this weekend then.","Michael: Jim, you're in charge of the vacation schedule now.","Jim: Oh my God.","Michael: Threat neutralized.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [hits Pam in the head with a piece of paper] Off the backboard!","Pam: Please don't throw garbage at me.","Michael: Oh, Pam with a zinger. Hey, Pam, how would you, like to be our cheerleader today? You know, some, ah, pigtails? A little, ah, halter top, you could tie that up. And you know, something a little, just, youthful, for a change. Just this once?","Pam: I don't think so Michael. Besides, I can't cheer against my fiance.","Jim: I'll do it. Wear a little flouncey skirt if you want, and...","Michael: Yeah, I bet you would. Just try not to be too gay on the court. And by gay I mean, um, you know, not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad-at-sports way. I think that goes without saying.","Pam: Maybe Angela would cheerlead.","Michael: Oh, yeah right.","Phyllis: I'll do it.","Michael: Oh, yuck, that's worse than you playing. ... 'Cause we need you as an alternate in case somebody gets hurt. That's where we need you. Blessed be those who sit and wait. You made it, suit up, you're on the team! All right, cool! Very good.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Oh-oh. Oh-oh. A spy from the warehouse. Trying to figure out our plays, huh, man?","Darryl: Just getting a tea bag.","Michael: Oh ho, oh, he's running. He's running. He's running, but he can't hide because you know what? One o'clock, you better bring your 'A' game. Because me, and my, posse guys are gonna be in your face. Right in your face!","Darryl: Why don't we make it more interesting? Loser buys dinner at Farley's.","Michael: Whoa-ho. I like the way you think. You know what, I'm gonna take that one step further. Loser, works, on Saturday.","Darryl: No, that's not as much fun. You know what?","Michael: What?","Darryl: You're on.","Michael: OK. Cool, you're on. [to Dwight] Don't screw this up.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [to camera] Classic beginner's mistake, eating before a game.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Angela: Has anyone seen the first-aid kit? [Dwight holds the kit up] How many times have I told you? I'm the safety officer, not you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Basketball? It was kind of my thing in high school. And I'm, yeah, I'm looking forward to playing. You know, I think I'm gonna impress a few people in here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: You coming down?","Pam: Yeah, I'm just forwarding the phones.","Jim: You gonna wish me luck?","Pam: Yeah, you're gonna need it.","Jim: Whoa.","Jim: Is that trash talk from Pam?","Pam: [laughing] I'm just saying, Roy is very competitive.","Jim: Oh.","Pam: And he wants to take the WaveRunners to the lake this Saturday so...","Jim: Well, I'm going to the outlet mall on Saturday, so if you wanna save big on brand names and Roy has to work, which he will, because I'm also competitive, you should feel free to come along.","Pam: Um, I think I'm gonna be up at the lake.","Jim: I think I'll see you at the mall. Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Hey, there he is! Secret weapon! All right, guys, come on, let's bring it in! Here we go! OK, listen, this is just going to be a friendly game, right? We are all on the same team here, the Dunder Mifflin team. Of course, if you beat us, you're fired. That's a joke. OK, let's do it.","Jim: Have a good game man.","Roy: Yeah, you too. Should be fun.","Michael: All right, everybody stretch out a little bit. Stretch it. Full stretch. Ryan, you wanna stretch?","Ryan: I stretched before I came.","Michael: OK.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: OK, Ryan, you have Darryl. I have Roy.","Jim: Really? I thought I'd take Roy.","Michael: Actually, I think Roy is their best player not Lonny. So, Dwight, you uh, have the East German gal. Uh, who else we got... Um...OK, all right, you guys.","Dwight: [taking off his shirt] OK, we'll be skins!","Michael: Aw, come on Dwight.","Dwight: What? Shirts on or off?","Michael: On. Just put it on.","Dwight: You sure?","Michael: Yes. Uh, Pam? You kind of have your foot in both camps, why don't you do the uh, jump ball OK?","Roy: Don't listen to him Pam. Trust me, tip it my way or you're sleeping in the car.","Michael: Stanley! What? You gotta be kidding me! !?! [Roy steals the ball, and goes for a lay up] Oh... Here we go! [Lonny shoots and makes it] Who's on him? Somebody get him!","Teammates: Yeah!","Roy: That's what I'm talking about.","Michael: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Over here, over here. [Jim saves the ball from going out of bounds and passes to Michael] Here we go. Three! [Shoots and misses] Let's go to the zone! We're going to zone!","Dwight: De-fense! [clap, clap] [Michael joins in] De-fense! [clap clap]","Michael and Dwight: De-fense! De-fense!","Warehouse worker: [Roy scores] Well done team.","Michael: Who's got Roy? [Jim does a behind the back move around Roy for the basket]","Pam: Woo!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [misses a half court shot] Aw, come on! What is wrong with me today!? Usually hit those. [Dwight scores] Dwight, I was open. All right, let's go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [Roy bumps Michael to get around him] OK, foul. Charging. Charging. That's a foul.","Roy: OK.","Michael: OK, I'll take it. [misses free throw] OK.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: When I am playing hoops all of the stress and responsibility of my job here just melts away. It's gone, I'm in the zone.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [misses another shot] What is wrong with me today?!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Who am I? Am I Michael Scott? I don't know... I might just be a basketball machine. What's Dunder Mifflin? I've never heard of it. Filing? Paperwork? Who cares? Possible downsizing? Um... well, that's probably gonna happen, actually.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Jim! Jim! Jim, right here, Jim! Give me the ball! Ryan, cut! [Michael looks away and misses Jim's pass] Whoa!","Jim: My bad.","Darryl: [scores] Here we go. Here we go. Here we go.","Lonny: [dancing] Where you at? Where you at? You over there? I'm over there.","Michael: That is cool. Is that like the Robot?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [Ryan scores] Nice! Come here! [gives Ryan a chest bump]","Ryan: Can we just do one? That's cool, that's fine.","Darryl: You have one more free throw shoot. Come on.","Roy: All right, let's go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Warehouse worker: Watch your back Madge.","Madge: Hey! Come on man!","Michael: Come on! Hey, Dwight. Dwight!","Dwight: [scores] Yeah! [points to Madge] In your face!","Madge: Yeah, like that counts.","Michael: You know what? Dwight, Dwight...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Football is like rock and roll, it's just bam-bam-boo... And basketball is like jazz, you know? You're kind of... Dupee-doo, dupee-do. It's all downbeat, it's in the pocket, it's like... [singing] Dupee-do, dupee-do, dapee-dah...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [singing] Du-du-du-du-dupee-do, de-do-do-do. Du-du-du-du-dupee-do, de-do-do-do. Harlem Globetrotter...","Roy: [steals the ball, scores, mimics singing] Du-du-du-du-dupee-do. Your ball.","Michael: All right, time, time out. Come on, sales, over here. Bring it in! Come on!","Michael: What's going on? What's going on? You're playing like a bunch of girls.","Jim: You know what? Let me take Roy.","Michael: All right, switch. Take it up a notch, come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Shoot, shoot it. [Roy hits Jim in the mouth with his elbow] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Foul! Naked aggression! Oh, that is... You all right Jim? Suck it up.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Darryl: Block, block, block!","Madge: He's afraid of you now.","Michael: [Jim makes a shot after pushing off Roy] Ouch! Oh, how much does it hurt? How much does it hurt?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [Jim pushes Roy to the ground and makes another shot] Yes!","Roy: What the hell man?","Jim: Take it easy.","Roy: No, you take it easy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [Darryl scores] Watch the long passes, you guys!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: [Dwight steals the ball from Ryan] Same team, Dwight.","Michael: Dwight!","Dwight: [scores] Yes!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [Phyllis scores] Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! In, your, face! Angela, what's the score?","Angela: You're ahead.","Michael: Yeah, baby, here we go!","Michael: [Jim has the ball] Jim! Jim! Right here! [runs into the elbow of the guy guarding him] Ow! God! Hold it!","Worker: I'm sorry.","Michael: Foul! Foul!","Worker: I'm sorry. You all right?","Michael: Oh, that hurts.","Worker: Sorry, I didn't mean to do that.","Michael: What's your problem man? Gah, just clocking me for no reason?","Darryl: Take your shot man!","Michael: No, no, no, no. That was a flagrant, personal, intentional foul. Right there.","Worker: No it wasn't.","Michael: [mocking voice] Yes, it was. You know what, I'm just being fair.","Worker: Oh, really? No, I just put my arm up...","Michael: Game over. Game over. That is it! I'm sorry, you know? I hate to do it this way but, you know, that's just... we're having a friendly game. It's a shame. This is a damn shame, but we're like a family here and that just, that won't fly.","Angela: This is a cold pack...","Dwight: Here, give me that. You have to break the interior bag. [bag explodes]","Michael: Thanks Dwight.","Lonny: Wait, what does that mean? What is it, a tie? What's going on?","Michael: Well, let's just say whoever was ahead won.","Darryl: That was you.","Michael: It was us? Really? I didn't, I didn't know. Great, I mean, I guess you guys are working Saturday. Your face.","Roy: No, no, no, I'm not coming in on Saturday.","Darryl: Yeah, this isn't happening.","Michael: Um... well, you guys, you know, I'm the boss so...","Lonny: So what's that? We're coming in on Monday, right?","Michael: Hey, hey...","Lonny: Monday?","Michael: [laughing] You guys believed me? Come on. Dogs, you know, you should know me better than that. No, oh, do you think that would've been good for morale? No. No. No. Exactly, no. I'm embarrassed it was even that close though. So... nah, of course, we're coming in Saturday. Good game. Word.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: [to Pam] ...so I talked to the scout, it looks good.","Pam: Mmm-hmm.","Jim: I didn't sign anything.","Roy: Hey baby.","Pam: Hey.","Roy: [to Jim] Look at Larry Bird. Larry Legend.","Pam: Yeah, he's, uh, pretty good, huh? [to Roy] Let's get you into a tub.","Roy: Yeah? Let's get you into a tub.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Hey, what a game, huh? What a game.","Oscar: What time do we have to come in?","Michael: Come on. Let's not be gloomy here man. We're all in this together. We're a team. You know what? Screw corporate, nobody's coming in tomorrow. You have the day off. Like coming in an extra day is gonna prevent us from being downsized. Have a good weekend.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: The great thing about sports is that it is all about character. And you can learn lessons about life even if you don't win. But we did because we were ahead."],"Show Title":"The Office","Episode Number":"01x05","Episode Title":"Basketball","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Office_02x04.json","Recap":["A fire in the office leads the employees to evacuate the building. To pass the time, the employees play games and learn more about each other. Jim is revealed to be dating handbag saleswoman Katy Moore , something Pam seems bothered by. Meanwhile, Michael tries to mentor temporary worker Ryan Howard , but discovers that Ryan is more educated than he is. Dwight becomes jealous of the attention that Michael is giving Ryan. At the end of the day, it is determined that Ryan accidentally caused the fire, and Dwight is thrilled."],"Transcript":["Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Sure, can I ask who's calling? Just a second.","Jim: Jim Halpert. What? How did you get this number? Stalker.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: Katy and Jim met in the office. And now I guess they're like going out, or dating, or something. And, uh... I don't know! You know? They're just... She calls him, and they... You know, I'm sorry. I feel like I'm talking really loud. Am I talking really loud?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: So we're still on for lunch? You're meeting me here? Okay. Great. Bye.","Pam: [to Jim] Hey! You can just give her your extension.","Jim: Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Howard, slash Ryan, Ryan Howard is sitting in my office. And he has been a temp here for a couple of months and he's kind of gotten the lay of the land a little bit. Had a few laughs along the way. And now he wants to know what I think.","Ryan: The temp agency wants to know what you think.","Michael: Shall we? Let us proceed. First up, proficiency in necessary skills. Aaaaeeexcellent! [laughs]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Michael's in there right now evaluating the temp. He hasn't evaluated me in years.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Five years from now, what do you want to do? Where do you want to be?","Ryan: Ah, well, I'm interested in business.","Michael: Oh! Good. Ambitious. Excellent. Want to be a manager?","Ryan: Uh, no, actually, uh, what I want is to own my own company.","Michael: That is ridiculous.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Ryan's about to attend the Michael Scott School of Business. I'm like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [speaks in a Yoda voice] Much advice you seek. [regular voice] Do you know who that is?","Ryan: Fozzie bear?","Michael: Mmm... No. That was Yoda.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: There are ten rules of business that you need to learn. Number one[\/b]: You need to play to win. But... you also have to win to play.","Ryan: Got it.","Michael: And I will give you the rest of the ten at lunch.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [to Ryan] [makes clicking noises like shooting a gun] Hey!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Michael and I have a very special connection. He's like Batman, I'm like Robin. He's like the Lone Ranger, and I'm like Tonto. And it's not like there was the Lone Ranger, and Tonto, and Bonto.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oscar: [in background, on phone] But it says no late fee... .","Dwight: [alarm sounds] People!","Angela: Okay! Everybody!","Dwight: This is not a test! Move to the exits!","Angela: Do not panic!","Dwight: Head towards the exits.","Angela: Safety partners.","Dwight: Get up off your desks!","Angela: Do not panic.","Oscar: [in phone] No, I don't hear it? Alright.","Dwight: No, panic is warranted!","Angela: Go in single file lines.","Oscar: [in phone] No, no. Finish the...","Dwight: This is not at drill!","Angela: Arms at your sides! Arms at your sides!","Dwight: Please, move quickly! This is a paper company, people! Step lively!","Angela: Go, let's go.","Dwight: This whole place is a tinder box, it is ready to blow!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: This is not a test! Can you leave?!","Phyllis: Oh, you say that every time.","Dwight: DO YOU WANT TO DIE?","Phyllis: Oh, boy...","Dwight: Do you want to die? OUT!!","Angela: Alright, let's go, let's go.","Dwight: STANLEY! Have you ever seen a burn victim?","Angela: Come on, you're safety partners!","Dwight: Move to the exits!","Angela: You're safety partners!","Dwight: We've got smoke! We've got smoke! Smoke! Gah! [Spots Kelly] Oh, Kelly! You're okay! I've got you!","Kelly: I'm okay!","Dwight: Cover your nose and mouth. Breathe through your nose.","Kelly: Let go of me!","Dwight: Breathe through your nose. Remove your stockings. Okay? They'll melt right into your flesh! Stay below the smoke line. Let's go! Clear out, stat! STAT MEANS NOW!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Yes, I was the first one out. And, yes, I've heard women and children first. But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweat shop. Thankfully. And, uh, women are equal in the workplace by law. So, I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Another rule of business is being able to adapt to different situations.","Ryan: Yeah.","Michael: Adapt. React. Re-adapt. Act. All right? That's rule number two.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Okay, guys, listen up, we need a head count. We need to count off. Michael's number one. Where is he? Where is he?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: So what was rule two?","Ryan: Ah... adapt, react, re-adapt, act.","Michael: Okay, well, let's... . let's kind of take it a little slower.","Dwight: Hey, Michael. Um... Ryan needs his number for the count off.","Michael: Okay, uh, well, one is taken.","Ryan: Uh, okay, two?","Dwight: NO!","Ryan: Okay... uh, sorry?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Okay, he can have 14. Marjory's not here today.","Michael: Well, he needs a permanent number, right?","Ryan: No.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: ...I don't.","Dwight: Oh, you know what else? I thought of a nickname for the three of us. Three Musketeers.","Michael: Um, yeah. Okay. That... No, no, no. I got one. I got one. The Three Stooges.","Dwight: That's funny, too. But if we're the Three Musketeers...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: I don't want to be like \"a guy\" here. You know? Like, Stanley is the \"crossword puzzle guy\". And Angela has cats. I don't want to have a thing... here. You know, I don't want to be the \"something guy\".","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Okay, you know what? I am going to be, uh, setting the agenda here. Okay? Can everybody gather up, please? Important announcement. Very important announcement. I think this is a perfect opportunity for all of us to participate in some really intense, psychologically revealing conversations. So we're going to be playing Desert Island, umm, Who Would You Do?","Stanley: Ooh.","Jim: And, um...","Pam: ...Would You Rather?","Jim: Would You Rather. Would You Rather is our third game.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [to firemen] Hey guys, great response time. Listen up, I got some theories. Okay, there's a...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Okay, so... three books on a desert island? Angela.","Angela: The Bible.","Stanley: That's one book. You've got two others.","Angela: A Purpose Driven Life.","Jim: Nice. Third book?","Angela: No.","Jim: Okay. Phyllis.","Phyllis: Um, The DaVinci Code.","Angela: The DaVinci Code!","Jim: Nice.","Angela: I would take The DaVinci Code... so I could burn The DaVinci Code.","Dwight: Okay. Great, that's going to keep you warm for like 7 seconds. Question[\/b]: is there fire wood on the island?","Jim: I guess.","Dwight: Then I would bring an axe, no books.","Jim: Uh, it has to be a book, Dwight.","Dwight: Fine. Physician's Desk Reference.","Jim: Nice. Smart.","Dwight: ...hollowed out, inside[\/b]: waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question[\/b]: did my shoes come off in the plane crash?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Rule number four. In business, image is everything - Andre Agassi. This car is an investment. Right? If I have to take out a client or I'm seen around Scranton in it. I love it. I love this car. Do you like it?","Ryan: Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Okay. Thought people read more books.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: DVDs! Five movies. What would you bring to the island? Yes! Meredith?","Meredith: Legends of the Fall, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Legally Blond, Bridges of Madison County...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Wow.","Pam: Legends of the Fall?","Jim: Wow. Bridges of Madison County, Legally Blond, these movies are just... .","Pam: Well, I kind of liked Legal...","Jim: Wait, wait, wait. Pam. No. Do you understand? The... the game is Desert Island Movies, not guilty pleasure movies. Desert Island Movies are the movies you're going to watch for the rest of your life! Forever! Unforgivable.","Pam: I take it back.","Jim: Unforgivable.","Pam: I take it back!","Jim: Good.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Meredith: ...and Ghost. But, ah, just that one scene...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Is this your car, Ryan?","Michael: Wow, some pretty big books back there, huh?","Ryan: [to Dwight] Don't...","Dwight: Good shocks.","Michael: Hello, Mr. Egghead! Woop! So... oh, Stanley Kaplan! I know him. 'M' is for Murder, 'P' is for...","Ryan: That's actually a test prep book.","Michael: ...for Phone. What?","Ryan: That's a test prep for business school.","Michael: Um, oh, thinking about business school?","Ryan: I just got in. I applied, I go at night.","Michael: Really?","Ryan: Yeah.","Michael: So you think you know a lot about business?","Ryan: No, not yet.","Michael: Uh huh.","Ryan: Just started.","Michael: Yeah. Quiz me.","Ryan: I... wouldn't even know where to start.","Michael: Come on, egghead. Let's do it.","Dwight: Do it.","Michael: Quiz me up.","Ryan: All right, um... Why have people been rethinking the Microsoft model in the past few years?","Michael: Uh...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: When I was Ryan's age, I worked in a fast food restaurant, to save up money for school. And then I spe... lost it in a pyramid scheme. But I learned more about business, right then and there, than business school would ever teach me, or Ryan would ever teach me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: Is it cheaper to sign a new customer? Or to keep an existing customer?","Dwight: Keep an existing...","Michael: [to Dwight] Shut, it. Can I... can I just do it please? [to Ryan] Uh, it's equal.","Ryan: It is ten times more expensive to sign a new customer.","Michael: Okay. Yes! It was a trick question.","Dwight: Yeah, but look, I mean, he didn't need business school. Okay, Michael comes from the school of hard knocks.","Michael: Okay, Dwight.","Dwight: Self taught. You didn't even go to college.","Michael: You know what, Dwight? You don't need to help me here. Okay? Well, you know... Maybe you should go to business school like Ryan, then... then you'd know what you're talking about.","Dwight: [scoffs] Come on. I'm studying with the master, huh?","Michael: For instance, why don't you go to business...","Dwight: [to Ryan] You should learn from him, right?","Ryan: I am.","Dwight: Right?","Ryan: I am.","Michael: Stop. Dwight. You know what? You're acting like a dork. Would you cool it? Please. Okay. Hey! He's not your five year old brother, Dwight. He's a valued member of this company... and you know what? He knows more about business than you ever will.","Dwight: Stupid!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: I did not go to business school. You know who else didn't go to business school? LeBron James, Tracy McGrady, Kobe Bryant. They went right from high school to the NBA. So... so it's not the same thing. At all.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Look at this stuff. Market fragments. What is that supposed to be?","Ryan: It's a way of looking at consumers as subsets of a larger client base.","Michael: You are so smart. You are so eff-in' smart. You should be teaching me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Pam? Get us back into it.","Pam: Okay.","Jim: Five movies. Go ahead.","Pam: Um, Fargo, um, Edward Scissorhands, Dazed and Confused...","Jim: Ooh, definitely in my top five.","Pam: Yes. In my top three, so suck it.","Jim: What?","Pam: Breakfast Club. Um... The Princess Bride and...","Jim: Okay that's five.","Pam: No, my all time favorite!","Jim: Pam, play by the rules.","Pam: All time favorite.","Jim: Play by the rules. Dwight. All time favorite movie.","Dwight: The Crow.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: I became a salesman... because of people, I love making friends. But then I was promoted to manager, at a very young age. I still try to be a friend first, but... You know? I'm very successful... your coworkers look at you differently. Huu, what do you think?","Ryan: Maybe we should get some air.","Michael: Nah, I'm okay.","Ryan: I'm really uncomfortable.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: All right. Let's move on. Let's move on to the main event. Who Would You Do?","Kevin: Present company excluded?","Jim: Um, not neccessari...","Kevin: Pam.","Oscar: Pam.","Jim: Um... okay. Ah, you know what? Maybe I'll... I'll finish explaining the rules. Let's... let me explain it first, and then...","song: [\"Everybody Hurts\" by R.E.M.] Think you've had too much \/ in this life.","Jim: Yeah, so we'll get right... You know what? I'll be right back. Stanley, you're taking over for me, buddy. I'll be right back.","Stanley: Okay, um...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Dwight. Dwight.","Song: Everybody hurts,","Jim: Come on Dwight! Use words.","Song: Sometim... .","Dwight: Why didn't I go to business school?","Jim: Who goes to business school?","Dwight: The temp.","Jim: He does?","Dwight: Yeah, it's all him and Michael talk about anymore.","Pam: You know, I bet Ryan thinks to himself 'I wish I were a volunteer sheriff on the weekends'.","Dwight: He doesn't even know that I do that.","Pam: You should tell him.","Dwight: Oh yeah, Pam. Right. That's going to help things, just talk it out. I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted.","Pam: Dwight.","Jim: What?","Dwight: I'm sorry I said that, I didn't... just part of me meant it. Besides, he'd end up being a hero anyway.","Jim: You know what you should do? You should quit. And then, that would stick it to both of them.","Dwight: Oh Jim, I'm not going to quit. Then Ryan wins.","Jim: Yeah. You're right.","Dwight: Thanks you guys. I just need some alone time.","Pam: Kay.","Song: Everybody hurts","Jim: Alright buddy.","Song: Everybody cries","Roy: Hey! Guys, what's going on?","Jim: Nothing.","Pam: Hey!","Song: Everybody hurts","Roy: What's up? Can I hang out with you guys for a bit?","Song: Sometimes","Roy: The warehouse guys are a bunch of jackasses sometimes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Stanley: Come on people, you know the rules of the game now.","Michael: Oh, hey. Game, what game are we playing here?","Stanley: Okay. It's called Who Would You Do?","Michael: Oh, I play this at home all the time while I'm falling asleep. What, uh... . Where are we? Where are we here? Mmm.. Roy? Roy? Who would you do, Roy?","Roy: Uh... Oh, I got it! Uh, what's the name of that, uh, tight ass, uh, Christian, uh, chick. The, uh, the blond?","Angela: My name is Angela.","Roy: Hey, Angela! Roy. Nice to meet you.","Michael: Aaaall right. Who's next, who's next, who's next, who's? Jim? You're next. Who would you do?","Jim: Um... Kevin, hands down. Yeah. He's really got that teddy bear thing going on, and afterwards, we could just watch bowling.","Michael: Well, I would definitely have s*x with Ryan. 'Cause he is going to own his own business.","Roy: You're all gay.","Michael: Who's, uh... Who's next? Who we got? Whooo...","Ryan: [answers phone] Hey, no, I can talk, I can talk, I can talk... this is great timing.","Michael: Wish I had my cell phone, but I left it inside. So...","Dwight: Would that make you happy?","Michael: What's that?","Dwight: If you had your cell phone, it would make you happy?","Michael: Yeah.","Dwight: I'm on it.","Michael: Dwight. Hey!","Angela: You can't go in yet!","Michael: Dwight, don't! He is an idiot. The man is an idiot, ladies and gentlemen.","Kevin: What if he dies in the fire? And that's the last thing you ever said to him.","Michael: I didn't say it to him. I said it about him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Meredith: ...Jim.","Phyllis: Definitely Jim.","Kelly: Definitely, definitely, Jim.","Phyllis: Come on, Pam.","Kelly: How about you Pam?","Pam: Um... Oscar's kind of cute.","Phyllis: Yeah, I like Oscar.","Pam: Ooh, Toby!","Michael: [in the background] How long does it take to find a cell phone? I don't know either.","Meredith: Is there anybody else.","Kevin: [clears his throat]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: [on the phone] Hey, where are you? Oh good. Yeah. We're just here, we're playing Desert Island. It's when you pick your five favorite DVDs...","Michael: Seriously, where the hell is Dwight? Hey, call my cell phone. It'll make it easier for him to find.","Ryan: What's your number?","Michael: I gave it to you in the car.","Ryan: Um...","Michael: I saw you program it in.","Ryan: You got to... you got to give it to me again.","Michael: Okay. Alright.","Ryan: Now I have it.","Michael: Uh, I better tell somebody. [to fireman] Excuse me, sir...","Dwight: [coughing]","Michael: Dwight!? Great goin'. God, Man! Why did you go in there? What... Everybody was scared out of their wits, man? Oooh.","Dwight: [coughing] Everyone, okay? Uh, I have an announcement. Apparently, in business school, they don't teach you how to operate a toaster oven. Because some smart, sexy temp left his cheese pita on oven instead of timing it for the toaster thing.","Michael: Wow. Okay. Well, I guess they don't teach how to operate a toaster oven in business school.","Dwight: That's exactly what I said.","Michael: Hey, did you miss that day there, Ryan?","Dwight: Were you absent?","Michael: Toaster Oven 101?","Dwight: You failed?","Ryan: I am so sorry.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Hey! I know what'll impress everybody, I'll start a fire. Oh, man. Bad idea. Bad idea jeans.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: I have a song. Attention, everyone! That I want to sing. That I wrote especially for this occasion when I was up there among the flames. Ready? [sings to Billy Joel's \"We Didn't Start the Fire\"] Ryan started the fire! It was always burning since the world's been turning!","Dwight and Michael: [singing] Ryan started the fire! It was always burning---","Dwight: Everybody!","Michael: [singing] ...since the world was turning.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: I can't believe I started the fire.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight and Michael: [sing gibberish to \"We Didn't Start the Fire\"]","Dwight: [singing] ... Marilyn Monroe!","Dwight and Michael: [singing] Ryan started the fire! It was always burning...","Dwight: Eat it! You gotta eat it. You have to eat it!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Katy: Hi!","Jim: Hey.","Katy: How are you?","Jim: Good, how are you?","Katy: I'm good. It's good to see you.","Jim: Good to see you, too.","Katy: I'm hungry.","Jim: Yeah, I am too.","Katy: Oh, I have been thinking the whole way over and I have my answers.","Jim: What answers?","Katy: Um, for the... the desert island.","Jim: Oh! Right! Right, right, right, come-ah on, on, on. [to everyone] Ladies and gentlemen! Gather around! We have one more participant. Come on, be polite. Be polite. [to Katy] Desert Island. Five movies. Go.","Katy: Okay, um, first, Legally Blond.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: I forgot what a super, nice girl Katy is. And just... good for Jim! They are so cute together. And, um, what an adorable car.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Okay, I think the game's over... People are like leaving. There was a bigger crowd last time. Do you just want to go to lunch?","Katy: Okay.","Jim: Yeah?","Katy: Alright! You want to drive?","Jim: Sure.","Katy: Alright.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Katy: [looking at Roy and Pam] They are soo cute.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: I'm really sorry, Dwight.","Dwight: Answer me this, though.","Ryan: What?","Dwight: Was it worth it? Was it worth it temp?","Ryan: No.","Kevin: Was it worth it?","Dwight: Really?","Ryan: I'm really sorry, Dwight.","Dwight: The fire guy! The fire guy!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [sings] Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe, Ryan started the fire!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Okay. Rule five - safety first, i.e. don't burn the building down. Okay? That should be a no brainer.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Oh... look! Ryan is book smart. And I am street smart. And book smart.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: I'll give you the rest of the ten tomorrow."],"Show Title":"The Office","Episode Number":"02x04","Episode Title":"The Fire","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Office_02x19.json","Recap":["Michael is excited about his birthday, but the rest of the office is instead focused on accountant Kevin Malone , who is awaiting the results from a skin cancer test. Jim and Pam leave to purchase items to comfort Kevin, and later in the day the entire staff goes to the ice rink . Michael encounters his realtor Carole there, and makes a good impression when he entertains her kids. Kevin's test results come back negative for cancer."],"Transcript":["Michael: So, Phil recruited me to sell these cards, and now I am recruiting you.","Oscar: Who is this guy again?","Michael: Don't worry about Phil. He drives a corvette. He is doing just fine. Okay. Calling cards are... the wave of the future. These things sell themselves.","Ryan: Who uses calling cards anymore?","Michael: You know what? That's a nice attitude, Ryan, I'm just helping you invest in your future, my friend.","Oscar: This sounds like a get rich quick scheme.","Michael: Yes! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will!","Toby: Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from the email?","Michael: You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country, okay? ...Alright, so, raise your hand if you wanna get rich. [Jim and Dwight raise their hands] Alright.","Jim: No, um. How is this not a pyramid scheme?","Michael: Alright, let me explain. Again. [draws on board] Phil has recruited me and another guy. Now, we are getting three people each. The more people that get involved, the more who are investing, the more money we're all going to make. It's not a pyramid scheme, it is a... it's not even a scheme per se, it's... [Jim draws a triangle around Michael's diagram] ... I have to go make a call.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: Happy birthday Michael.","Michael: Oh ho ho! What?","Pam: I said happy birthday.","Michael: Thank you! That's really nice.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Today is my B-day, and people around here just go crazy for it. I don't know why. Oh! Fun fact. I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So, I have a perfect ice-breaker if I ever meet Terry Hatcher.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: What's up?","Jim: Hey. ...Oh, happy birthday.","Michael: Ah, thank you sir.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Meredith: Did you hear anything yet?","Kevin: No. I'm still waiting.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [Dwight knocks on door] Yeah.","Dwight: Yes. There he is, the birthday boy!","Michael: Ohh, god.","Dwight: Birthday hug!","Michael: No no no, no, new suit, please.","Dwight: That suit is amazing.","Michael: Thank you very much. It is from Italy. [checks jacket] Actually--- no, Bulgaria.","Dwight: Mmm. Maybe I should get one.","Michael: Good luck. One of a kind.","Dwight: Ebay. Hm. Question! May I be in charge of the party planning festivities?","Michael: Not necessary, the party planning committee is all over it. They've been working twenty-four seven all day yesterday.","Dwight: Excellent. On my part, I did manage to reserve the...","Michael: Don't! Nope! Please, don't want to spoil it for anybody. Spoil the surprise.","Dwight: Let's get the party started. [Begins 'raising the roof']","Michael: Let's get the party started. Not the way I taught you! [Michael joins in]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Phyllis: When should we bring out the cake, one or one thirty?","Pam: One's good.","Angela: One thirty. [Pam yawns] I'm sorry, are we boring you?","Dwight: Party planning committee, listen up. Michael would like trick candles for his birthday cake, so make that a priority.","Phyllis: Where do we get those?","Dwight: Not my problem. Here is a list of things that Michael would like to be surprised by. [hands list to Pam]","Pam: Michael wants a strippergram?","Dwight: Yes, but he doesn't want to know when, or whom.","Angela: No. This is a closed door meeting.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [answering phone] Yeah?","Pam: Michael, I have Jan on the line.","Michael: Oh, great, put her through.","Jan: Hello, Michael.","Michael: Hey, you.","Jan: I'm... returning your call, you said it was urgent.","Michael: It is urgent, I just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday.","Jan: Well, today's not my birthday, so...","Michael: Really? 'Cause, I thought we had the same birthday.","Jan: ...Happy birthday, Michael.","Michael: Thanks. [grins]","Jan: Am I on camera?","Michael: Nope. Totally private. You can say whatever is in your heart. [Jan hangs up]","Michael: [to Ryan, sitting across from Michael] ...You can take a five, if you want.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Somebody brought in donuts for my birthday!","Stanley: Mmhmm, happy birthday.","Michael: Thanks.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Man, I'm so sorry. When do you find out?","Kevin: They said this afternoon. They're waiting on a second opinion.","Jim: Oh, okay.","Kelly: Second opinion on what?","Kevin: Um, I might have skin cancer.","Kelly: Oh, no! I was watching Grey's Anatomy, and there was a lifeguard on it, and he had skin cancer too.","Jim: Kelly, you know what...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kelly: I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister's.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Toby: Who brought in donuts?","Michael: Somebody got donuts for my birthday!","Toby: Happy birthday!","Michael: You didn't know it was my birthday.","Toby: I... guess I forgot.","Michael: Well, I guess I forgot to give you a donut [closes box].","Toby: Are you serious?","Michael: Mmm.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oscar: Skin cancer is treatable.","Kevin: Right.","Oscar: It's going to be okay.","Angela: You don't know it's going to be okay. Don't give him false hope. ...It's probably nothing, though.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Delivery Woman: Hi, delivery for Michael Scott.","Michael: Here we go. Ohhhkay, this is great! [giggles] Thank you my friends, she is perfect! Ahhh, Dwight, may I have your chair please? And, um, some singles, if you will! Allllright. Nnnnn-dink! [puts single into delivery woman's pocket, giggles] Okay, um, alright. This has arms. Is that gonna be a... is that alright?","Delivery Woman: Uh... s-sure.","Michael: [laughing] Okay. I'm so nervous.","Pam: I can sign for it.","Delivery Woman: Oh. Thanks.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: When I was seven, my mother hired a pony and a cart to come to my house for all the kids... and... I got a really bad rash from the pony, and all the kids got to ride the pony and I had to go inside, and my mother was rubbing cream on me... for probably three hours, and I never came outside. And by the time I got out the pony was already in the truck. And around the corner. So that was my worst birthday.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [eating donuts while Dwight plays the recorder] Stop it. Stop! What is that?","Dwight: It's 'For the Longest Time,' by William Joel. It's you favorite song.","Michael: Yeah, well, it's on the radio. My birthday blows. Nobody even signed my birthday poster. Probably my mother is the only one that cares enough to send me anything.","Dwight: I probably care more than she does.","Michael: You're making it worse. I bet Luke Perry's friends don't treat him like this [points to James Dean poster].","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: When does he hear?","Jim: Sometime today.","Pam: Ohh... poor Kevin.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: If I knew I had a week to live, I would... probably go to Europe. And South America. And the Grand Canyon. And... I would want to see the Pacific Ocean. ...It would be a pretty busy week.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Uh, that's a list price of four dollars and fifty cents. Unfortunately, this item is on [watch beeps] back... order... [hangs up] Michael! Michael! Michael Michael Michael! Come here, come here, come here! Come here!","Michael: What?","Dwight: Listen up everyone! It is 11:23 exactly, the exact moment when you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal, so... huh?! Right, have a seat. Please.","Michael: [grinning] Ohhh, God.","Dwight: There is a tradition that the Hebrews have of hoisting the birthday boy up on a chair.","Michael: Ohhh, no.","Dwight: So come help me celebrate Michael's birth moment. Kevin!","Oscar: ...I'll do it.","Michael: Ohh, no, no, no! I can't... Ryan, come on. Let's do this.","Dwight: Creed! Come on. Stanley!","Pam: ...I feel like we should go get Kevin something. Do you think we can sneak out of here?","Jim: Maybe, but... we're gonna need somebody to create a diversion, and...","Dwight: On three, we're going to hoist away! Ready?","Michael: Okay.","Dwight: Happy birth moment, Michael.","Michael: Thank you.","Dwight: One. Two. Three! [Michael is raised until his head hits the ceiling]","Michael: Whoa whoa! Alright. Alright. Watch it... please.","Dwight: Oscar...","Oscar: It wasn't me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Okay, that is not an eight foot sub.","Delivery Boy: Uh, we don't make an eight foot sub. This is eight one foot subs.","Dwight: F. Alright, what's the damage?","Delivery Boy: Uh, thirty-nine sixty.","Dwight: [pulls out wallet] Thirty nine... sixty.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because... I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Here they come.","Michael: Get in here... everybody.","Dwight: Come and get it!","Michael: Birthday party subs! My gift to you.","Oscar: What is this?","Dwight: Uh, bologna, tomato and ketchup.","Michael: The best.","Stanley: These are all the same?","Michael: Yes.","Angela: Bologna? I don't eat bologna.","Michael: Well, then just have the tomato and ketchup. Still good.","Angela: No.","Michael: Just the bread, it's fresh baked.","Angela: No.","Michael: Mm-kay. Get whatever you want. [under breath] And choke on it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: When I was sixteen, I was supposed to go out on a date with a girl named Julie. But there was another Michael in the class that she apparently thought the date was with, so she went out with him, on my birthday. And, she got him a cake, at the restaurant. And it wasn't even his birthday, but I heard about it the next day in school. So... That was the worst birthday I think I ever had.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: So. We got Kev some stuff. Um... a party pack of M&M's, his favorite candy. A DVD of American Pie 2, which is his favorite movie, and, he lent it to Creed, so, I can guarantee you he won't get that back.","Pam: Sixty-nine cup of noodles.","Jim: Which we realize sounds crass, but, it... is his favorite number.","Pam: And his favorite lunch.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Hey temp, you know uh, we still got five feet of sandwich left [pulls ice cream cake out of freezer].","Ryan: [making peanut butter and jelly sandwich] Someone ate three feet of that thing?","Dwight: Hell, yeah. Save room for ice cream cake.","Angela: [grabs cake] Oh. Thank you.","Dwight: Oh. I got it.","Angela: What are--- it's... the party planning committee.","Dwight: [whispering] This is the most important day of the year. I can't risk anything.","Angela: Fine.","Dwight: What about that meeting... later... to discuss finances?","Angela: Yes... [whispering] but don't expect any cookie.","Dwight: [whispering] But what if i'm hungry?","Angela: [whispering] No cookie.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: [puts fabric softener into cart] ...What?","Pam: You use fabric softener?","Jim: Yeah, you don't?","Pam: No, I do.","Jim: ...Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Office Staff: [singing] Happy birthday dear Michael, [Michael joins in, Kevin's phone rings] Happy birthday... [everyone but Dwight stops] ...tooo youuuu.","Kevin: Hello? Hey.","Michael: Kevin? Respect the birthday please.","Kevin: No, um, no not yet. I will. Bye. [hangs up] It was just Stacy.","Michael: Are you done? ...Good. Okay.","Dwight: Here we go. Make a wish.","Michael: Uhhh... blow out the candle. Okay. Mmmm... [blows out the candles]","Dwight: Yaoo yay! [claps]","Michael: ... I asked for trick candles.","Dwight: Pam was supposed to get 'em.","Michael: Okay. Well, when she comes back we'll do it again. [notices Meredith hugging Kevin] Hello, what about the birthday boy? Haven't had a hug all day.","Angela: No one cares about your birthday. Kevin's waiting to hear if he has skin cancer.","Michael: ... Aww, that... sucks, great. ... Wow, that's good timing. That's... that's, sorry, that's terrible. Terrible news. That's terrible... terrible news for both of us [takes cake into office and slams the door].","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: [checking watch] We should probably head back.","Jim: Yeah. Okay. Oh. I dare you to make an announcement.","Pam: You dare me? How old are you?","Jim: Just... quit stalling.","Pam: [over loudspeaker, imitating Darth Vader] Luke, this is your father. Come set the table for dinner.","Jim: Such a dork.","Pam: [loudspeaker] Jim Halpert? Price check on fabric softener, the kind that gives you...","Store Employee: Ma'am? Please don't touch that. That is not a toy.","Pam: Oh I'm sorry. I'm sorry.","Jim: How old are you?","Pam: I hate you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Toby: [to Kevin] Honestly, is there any way you can get on your fiancee's plan? Our health plan is s... just... it's terrible.","Michael: There you are. Good news. Did some research. It turns out that 98% of people with skin cancer fully recover.","Kevin: Still scary.","Michael: Yeah, but it's not brain cancer. And it shouldn't stop us from having fun. You know what they say the best medicine is.","Kevin: Well the doctor said a combination of interferon and dicarbazine.","Michael: And laughter... also.","Toby: I don't really think people are in the laughing mood.","Michael: Why are you here? I didn't even invite you to my birthday party.","Toby: I work here.","Michael: [mocking voice] Nyeh, I work here. [to Kevin] Alright, well, you know what, since Toby doesn't speak for everybody and I am your boss, I... think you should just go home. Take the rest of the afternoon off. Take a sick day.","Kevin: If I go home now, I'll just drive myself crazy.","Michael: Well, you're pretty much driving everyone else here crazy... crazy with worry.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Where have you been? And don't say the bathroom, 'cause I kicked in all the stalls.","Jim: Well that's an invasion of privacy, so, I'm going to tell Michael.","Dwight: Please, don't.","Jim: You... owe me.","Michael: Excuse me, everyone. Attention please. Kevin, we're going to take you to a very special place, a place that will make you happy, and a place that is far, far away from the evil sun.","Stanley: Is this trip related in any way to your... birthday?","Michael: How dare you sir. You are gross.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [sees 'Happy Birthday Michael Scott!' poster at skating rink] That should not be there.","Dwight: I'll get someone to take it down.","Michael: No, it's alright. It's already up. Just leave it. Where's Kevin? Come on! Let's get our skate on!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kelly: Don't be scared! You're good! You're good!","Ryan: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Think you can let go?","Pam: No. [laughs]","Jim: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. [Michael skates by]","Dwight: YEAH!","Pam: Who is that?","Jim: Is that Michael?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Yeah, I've been pretty much skating my whole life. I thought about playing in the NHL, but, you're on the road so much. You got no time to spend with your wife and kids. And I really want a wife and kids.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: I got it.","Michael: Hey Pam, all this stuff with Kevin... um, it's pretty scary. And I'm thinking that uh, next time you're in the shower, you should check yourself out. You know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time bags. Alright? Think about it.","Jim: ...It's something to think about.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kevin: I can't relax about it, you know?","Michael: Kevin. You heard anything yet?","Kevin: No, not yet.","Michael: Okay. Well. Live strong.","Kevin: Okay, Michael.","Michael: Alright.","Carol: Michael?","Michael: Yeah. Carol? She sold me my condo! Hey! What, is this place on the market? Or...","Carol: Uhh, no, I... don't just sell real estate. Uh, my daughter has a skating lesson.","Michael: Oh, these... all your kids?","Carol: No just the front two.","Michael: Oh, hey guys. Whats up? You wanna go for a ride? Is that okay?","Carol: Sure.","Michael: Cool. Alright. Grab on. Here we go. Ready? Hang on tight. Alright. We are moving. We are reaaallly mooovin' now!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Push. Good! That's great. You got it. [Kevin's phone rings] Excuse me.","Kevin: Hello? Yeah okay. Alright. Okay, I will, thanks. [hangs up] It was negative.","Michael: Oh... God... [stomps] God! [throws hockey stick and yellow paper bracelet down] We're gonna beat this, okay? We're gonna... come here [hugs Kevin].","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Well, apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community, that would... be... chaos.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kevin: This is awesome. Thanks, you guys.","Michael: Okay, who's this from? Wowwwee, look at that! Jersey!","Dwight: Turn it around. Turn it around.","Michael: Cool. Ohh. Great. From Dwight.","Dwight: Number one!!","Michael: Thank you... Dwight. That's great. Thanks.","Pam: Michael?","Michael: Yeah.","Pam: This is from all of us.","Michael: Oh! You didn't need to do that. ...Nightswept. This is... really amazing. Thank you. I love it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: Michael's birthday was actually pretty cool. It was a good day. I don't know... It was a good day."],"Show Title":"The Office","Episode Number":"02x19","Episode Title":"Michael's Birthday","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Office_03x24-25.json","Recap":["After evaluating their relationship, Michael decides to repel any advances that Jan makes towards him, but instantly changes his mind and gives her a second chance once he sees her with a breast enhancement. Michael, Jim, and Karen then all travel to New York to interview for the position that is opening in the corporate office. Before he leaves, Michael names Dwight as his successor in Scranton, and Dwight, with Andy as his new number two, immediately goes about changing the appearance and structure of the office. In New York, Michael's interview ends as he learns that the new position is linked to Jan's upcoming dismissal. Jan learns of the move, and confronts David, with Michael following her. Jan, now unemployed, decides to move in with a hesitant Michael, who now returns to his position as Scranton manager. Jim's interview goes well until he finds a good-luck memento left for him by Pam. Realizing he cannot leave her again, he returns to the office alone, where he asks her on a date. The corporate job is given to an ecstatic Ryan, who immediately breaks up with Kelly."],"Transcript":["Michael: [at Dunder-Mifflin Corporate in NY] David!","David: [confused] Oh, Michael?","Michael: Are we all set?","David: Isn't our interview tomorrow?","Michael: Yes. I just happened to be in the neighborhood, thought I'd drop in and say hello.","David: You happened to be in mid-town Mahattan?","Michael: Thought I'd catch a show.","David: In the middle of a work day?","Michael: Naaah. You know what? Since I'm here, let me ask you a few questions about the job.","David: Okay.","Michael: Um, how many people are you interviewing?","David: We're only interviewing the branch managers and some other upper level company people.","Michael: Ah, well, good. Out of curiosity are you interviewing anyone who has been here longer than I have, or manages more people?","David: I don't think so.","Michael: Great. One more... question. When you merged those branches who did you put in charge?","David: I believe we put you in charge.","Michael: Ah, great. No further questions.","David: Okay, Michael.","Michael: Okay.","David: I'm really looking forward to our interview.","Michael: And I'm really looking forward to working with you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: I got it made in the shade. I know this company. The other branch managers are total morons. [on cell phone] Hey, Pam yeah, I forgot what day the interview was and I drove to New York accidentially. I'll be like three hours late.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kevin: [Jim walk through the door sporting an obvious new haircut] Hey.","Jim: Hey, Kev.","Kevin: What's different about you? You look worse.","Jim: Thank you.","Meredith: You got a haircut. It's sexy, hot.","Jim: Ohhh...","Meredith: Turn around.","Jim: No.","Meredith: Yes.","Jim: No way.","Meredith: Do it!","Andy: Blup-dup-do. What's up, Big Haircut? You are no longer Big Tuna. From henceforth, you shall be known as Big Haircut.","Jim: [exhales loudly] Andy...","Andy: What is it, Big Haircut?","Jim: Nothing.","Andy: Sorry, I can't hear you Big Haircut.","Jim: Yup.","Andy: What?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Karen suggested that I get a haircut for the interview tomorrow so that I could look presentable and not, as she so lovingly puts it, homeless.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: Hey. I think it looks great.","Jim: Thanks, Pam.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: After I had my little outburst at the beach, Jim was really nice about it. He just basically said that he missed my friendship too and I would always mean a lot to him and I understand where he's coming from. For the record, I am not embarassed at all. It needed to be said, and I said it, and it only took me three years to summons the courage, so [quietly, and mock bowing] thank you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [knock on door] Yeah.","Dwight: You wanted to see me?","Michael: Yes, the time has come to name my own replacement. So please hand this letter of congratulations to Dwight K. Schrute.","Dwight: But that's my name. [opens letter and reads] Dwight, congratuations a-wipe. Don't screw the pooch. [begins to cry] Thank you.","Michael: Okay. Uh...","Dwight: [cries harder] Thank you, Michael.","Michael: Uh, okay.","Dwight: [sobbing, holding letter to chest] Thank you so much.","Michael: Stop crying.","Dwight: [sobbing] Thank you.","Michael: Ohhhhh...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: Hey.","Karen: Hey.","Pam: Um, about the beach...","Karen: It's okay, we all say things without thinking.","Pam: Oh, no it's not that, I've actually been thinking that for a long time, and I'm glad I said it. I just... I'm sorry if it made you feel weird.","Karen: [confused] Oh. Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Karen: Pam is... kind of a bitch.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Karen: Hey, what if we leave tonight? Grab a bite, get a hotel room, enjoy the city a little bit.","Jim: Ahhh... just have so much paperwork to do. [exhales] Wow. Done. Okay, let's do it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: So I was wondering if Karen and I could get off a few hours early 'cause we want to spend the night in the city.","Michael: Why so you can do it?","Karen: [looks annoyed]","Jim: Whoops.","Michael: No, um, well I was thinking that uh, actually we could all leave tomorrow and do a convoy you know? Convoys are really fun. Pull up next to each other, give each other the finger...","Jim: Hmmm.","Karen: Heh.","Michael: Moon each other.","Jim: Ah, we're gonna go tonight, but we're gonna see you there tomorrow morning, right?","Michael: All right.","Jim: All right.","Michael: Your loss.","Karen: Wait, how would you moon us if you were driving?","Michael: Cruise control.","Karen: Oh.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kevin: So Jim, who do you think is hotter? Pam or Karen?","Jim: Yeah, I'm not going to talk about this now.","Kevin: Pam is taller.","Jim: You sure?","Kevin: Yes. She has bigger breasts, too.","Jim: Wow.","Kevin: I think Karen has a prettier face.","Jim: Uh, hmm. [thinking] Uh, hmm. What else?","Kevin: Well I mean Pam's face is really pretty too. It's a very tough call.","Jim: Hm. Really tough call.","Kevin: Yeah.","Jim: You know what? Why don't you take the rest of the day, figure it out and then come back and tell me what you got.","Kevin: Will do.","Jim: All right. [smiles]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oscar: Hey, Pam I've been meaning to say something to you. I really miss our friendship. [group laughs]","Pam: Wow, very funny.","Stanley: I've never heard you talk that much. I thought it was Kelly.","Kelly: Are you kidding? I would have never done that. It was pathetic-ville. No offense, Pam.","Pam: [smiles]","Meredith: You know what? Don't even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk, I bet no one even remembers what you said.","Creed: I remember. I blogged the whole thing.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Creed: www.creedthoughts.gov.www\/creedthoughts. Check it out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: Last year Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I've read some of it. Even for the intranet it's... pretty shocking.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: There they are, the Accounting Department. I shall miss your humility and your promptly printed checks.","Kevin: Do you think it's gonna to be weird working with Jan in New York?","Michael: No. Not at all. I haven't talked to Jan since we broke up, and I think if she had something to say she would have called me.","Oscar: Maybe you should talk to her? Before...","Michael: No, no, no. You know what? It's a done deal. I basically have the job already. There's nothing she can do to stop it now. I already sold my condo.","Oscar: Michael...","Kevin: What?","Angela: Why?","Oscar: I'm sorry, that just doesn't make sense.","Michael: Yes, I...","Angela: Wha? Who gave you that advice?","Kevin: Yeah, Michael you should never sell your condo...","Michael: I have to buy another place.","Angela: But you said you were in debt. [crosstalk]","Oscar: You're not sure that you have the job.","Michael: I sold it on eBay. The buyer was very motivated, as was I. It went for eighty percent of what I paid. Sold in record time.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: How would you like to spend the night with the Regional Manager of Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton?","Angela: No Dwight, I don't care if that is how they consolidated power in ancient Rome.","Dwight: No, no, not Michael. [whispers] Me. I'm taking his job.","Angela: [smiles] Not now. [Dwight leaves] Goodbye, Kelly Kapoor.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [squeezing hand grips] Jim, Jim, Jim. Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.","Jim: Oh hey, Dwight.","Dwight: I am gonna be your new boss. [laughs] It's my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check in time is now. Check out time is never.","Jim: Does my room have cable?","Dwight: No. And the sheets are made of fire.","Jim: Can I change rooms?","Dwight: Sorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town.","Jim: Can I have a late checkout?","Dwight: I'll have to talk to the manager.","Jim: You're not the manager even in your own fantasy?","Dwight: I'm the owner. The co-owner. With Satan!","Jim: Okay, just so I understand it, in your wildest fantasy you are in Hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil?","Dwight: Yeah, but I haven't told you my salary yet.","Jim: Go.","Dwight: Eighty thousand dollars a year.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Once I'm officially Regional Manager my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: [signing interview sheet] I will see you at the inter-view.","Dwight: Yes you will.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Who is D. Abramson?","Pam: He's from that company in Pitts...","Jan: [walks through front door] Michael.","Michael: Why... are you here?","Jan: Uh, how are you?","Michael: I'm good. How are you, Janet? It's good to see you.","Jan: I'm great. Uh, can we, can we talk... privately... for a minute?","Michael: Why privately?","Jan: I just, [quietly] I uh... I don't uh... I, I don't, I don't like the way that we left things.","Michael: Okay, sure, fine. Um, why don't you wait in my office. I have some important business matters to take care of.","Jan: Okay.","Michael: Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Pam, Defcon ten. Houston, we have a problem.","Pam: What do you want me to do?","Michael: Uh, I may need some immediate assistance. If you would slowly and quietly gather the ladies in the conference room. Phyllis, Angela, Karen.","Pam: What about Meredith?","Michael: No. She's an alternate.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: So, how you been?","Jan: Been good.","Michael: Good.","Jan: Good.","Michael: Yeah.","Jan: Sorry to drop by unexpectedly. I uh, I tried calling, but I kept getting voice mail.","Michael: Weird. Yeah, I didn't get both of your messages.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: So, um, Michael needs us in the conference room.","Karen: 'Cause of Jan again?","Karen: Hey, uh, before I leave tonight, would you mind making a half a dozen copies of Jim's and my sales reports for our interviews tomorrow?","Pam: Uh, sure.","Karen: Thanks.","Pam: I really hope you get the job.","Karen: Thanks. [looks suspicious]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jan: After you ended... everything with us, I went on a vacation.","Michael: Hmm.","Jan: To kinda clear my mind.","Michael: Sound good. Sounds fun.","Jan: It was. Yeah, it was good. [laughs] I think I'll just get right to the point, you know? Um, I, I feel good about myself for the first time in a really long time.","Michael: Hmm..","Jan: I've made some big changes in my life and... I miss you. I want us to get back together.","Michael: Would you excuse me for a second?","Jan: Ohh... [Michael leaves and walks into conference room]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Defcon twenty. She wants to get back together.","Phyllis: What are you gonna do?","Michael: I don't know, that's why you're here, help me. Please...","Karen: Do you want to get back together with her?","Michael: No, no. What do I do?","Pam: Just don't get back together with her.","Michael: What if she makes me?","Angela: How can she make you get back together with her?","Michael: She made me do a lot of things I didn't wanna do.","Pam: This was a terrible relationship. You were not happy when you were with her.","Michael: I wasn't.","Pam: You're so much happier now. Just go in there and be strong.","Michael: You're right. You're absolutely right. I'm gonna go in there and tell her that we can't be together.","Pam: Right.","Michael: Wow.","Karen: Do it.","Michael: I'm in a very good place right now. Thank you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [walks back into office with Jan] Okay. [clears throat] Jan, we need to talk. [Jan turns revealing that she has had her breasts enlarged]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Jan is in a different place right now, and it is a sign of maturity to give people second chances. So I am going to hear her out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: Oh my God. [mouths to Jim] Huge!","Jim: Yeah, bigger actually.","Pam: [whispers] That's crazy!","Jim: Mm-hm.","Pam: [mouths] Wow!","Karen: [moves to block Jim from Pam's eyeline] Oh my God. Can you believe that?","Jim: Unbelievable.","Karen: Wow!","Jim: She could put the cup right there.","Karen: I know!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: No, it's fine. I'm sure it must have been weird for Jim when Roy and I were joking around... that one time.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Meredith: I would never do that. Waste of money. In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than the front.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kevin: I love fake boobs. Often times, you find them on strippers.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Creed: I find it offensive. Au natural, baby. That's how I like 'em. Swing low, sweet chariots.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jan: So... [exhales] there are a lot of things that I would like to do differently.","Michael: Yeah.","Jan: I feel like, when we first got together, that I had a problem with my priorities.","Michael: First got priorities.","Jan: And if we could talk about a way to approach a possible reconciliation...","Michael: Let's get back together. [Jan smiles and laughs]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: No. No, no, no, no. I'll tell you this, it is not because of the boob job. Excuse me, boob enhancement. That would be shallow. And this is the opposite of shallow. This is... emotionally magnificent.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Okay, everyone, listen up! [claps] Time to begin the interview process! [looks at sign-up sheet, only contains Andy's name] Andrew Bernard.","Andy: Saving the best for first!","Karen: All right, you guys. See you later, wish us luck!","Dwight: No! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Do not wish them luck. Do not wish them luck. All luck must be wished unto Michael.","Oscar: Good luck, you guys! [everyone wishes them luck]","Dwight: What did I say!?","Pam: [to Jim] Good luck.","Jim: Thanks.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: I'm happy for him. I hope he gets the job. I really just want him to be happy. And I know that sounds cliche. And I know saying it sounds cliche, sounds cliche... Maybe I'm being cliche. I don't care. Cause I am what I am. [thinks] That's Popeye.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: I am going to begin this process with a simple test of intelligence and mental dexterity. What is the best color?","Andy: White, because it contains all other colors.","Dwight: Wrong. Black. It is the most dominant. How do you make a table?","Andy: You make a chair, but you don't sit on it.","Dwight: What is the capital of Maine?","Andy: The capital of Maine is Montpelier, Vermont, which is near Ithaca, New York, where I went to Cornell.","Dwight: Okay, also, moratorium on Cornell talk. Don't wanna hear about it. Forget your personal history, and learn the history of this company.","Andy: Should not be a problem. I minored in history in the Ivy League school which I attended.","Dwight: You're not off to a very good start, Bernard.","Andy: I agree. But in another way, I am off to a very good start, wouldn't you say?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has: my brain. Which I use to my advantage, when advantageous.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [Andy and Dwight arm-wrestle, Andy is about to win] Time! No, you failed.","Andy: Damn it!","Dwight: This interview is over. I'll let you know.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Karen: [Driving to New York] Hey, thank you so much for driving me down for my interview.","Jim: Totally, no problem. What are you interviewing for, by the way, my assistant? Or...","Karen: Oh, you know I'm gonna have a congratulations Karen party um, tomorrow night at my friend's house.","Jim: Oh wow, that sounds like fun. Is your friend named Karen too? What did she accomplish?","Karen: No, I'm sorry I should have been clearer. It's for me.","Jim: Oh...","Karen: 'Cause I'm going to get the job.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [holding Jan's breasts] Remarkable.","Jan: Thanks.","Michael: Wait, wait. Check one more time.","Jan: Oh, okay.","Michael: Very good [Jan nods]","Jan: Well, I um, I have to get back, but I will see you in New York tomorrow, right?","Michael: Yes, indeed.","Jan: Good luck with your interview. [whispers] Bye.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: So, I guess we're getting back together.","Pam: What happened?","Michael: Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Here's the sitch. Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly. We didn't connect, I was miserable. Now, I'm in the best relationship of my life with the same woman. Love is a mystery.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Karen: So we have all night. Where do you want to go first?","Jim: Oh, I dunno, how about the U.N.?","Karen: How often do you come here?","Jim: Um, everytime my sixth grade class has a field trip.","Karen: I think you'll really enjoy this, adult Jim.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Hey, everybody. The next time you see me, I'll be working for corporate. Starting tomorrow, Dwight Schrute will be running the branch. So without further ado, [clicks on small tape player] I would like to start saying my goodbyes [Song: Thank You, by Natalie Merchant plays in background] Okay. Goodnight, and good luck.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [Dwight clicks off tape player] Who's ready to work?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: [Karen punches buttons on an ATM] Yeah, we went to the Spotted Pig for dinner. It's in the Village. Uh, Karen knew it. And then we second acted Spamalot. That's when you sneak in at intermission with all the smokers. And then we went to a bar that used to be a church. Oh and at this one bar, I swear I saw Lorne Michaels.","Karen: That wasn't him. [Jim nods, mouths, yes, it was]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Karen: So what's going to happen to us when I get this job?","Jim: Oh do you mean when I get the job?","Karen: Well, if you get the job then I'd move here with you. Would you move with me? I'm not stupid. I was at the beach. We won't have a future in Scranton. There's one too many people there.","Jim: You mean Kevin?","Karen: Exactly. But you get it, right? Can't stay there.","Jim: Yeah, I do. C'mon. [they hold hands and cross street]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [exhales] How are you guys doing? Need anything?","Karen: Uh, no, we're good. Thanks.","Michael: I have been here a bunch of times, so I know where everything is, know everybody's names. If you need to know somebody's name, just ask me.","Jim: [points at bearded man] Who's that?","Michael: That is Beardy.","Jim: Beardy?","Michael: Mm-hmm.","Jim: I'm gonna introduce myself.","Michael: No, no, no, just... that's not his real name. That's just what I call him, so...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: I am by far the most qualified person they're interviewing. Jim and Karen are here, which is cute. They're like, kid actors tagging along with daddy, on the big audition, hoping to be discovered. Except daddy... is the best actor around. Daddy is Meryl Streep.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Michael is gone.","Andy: Hail to the chief!","Dwight: My first order of business: make Andrew Bernard my number two.","Andy: My first order of business: accept.","Dwight: As if you had a choice. [scoffs] Duh. [scoffs] Opportunity of a lifetime. [spits chew into Michael's World's Best Boss mug]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Three months ago, I was nowhere. I was just a Cornell grad, in anger management. Look where I am now. Not bad. [washing out Michael's mug]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Hey! Hunter! Wha's up my brutha? This is Hunter, secretary extraordinaire.","Hunter: Uh, administrative assistant.","Michael: Jan in yet?","Hunter: I think she's comin' in... later.","Michael: Could you give her a message for me, when she gets in?","Hunter: Sure.","Michael: Just say, \"I want to squeeze them.\" It's code. She'll know what it means.","Hunter: Okay.","Michael: Oh, and Hunter? Could you tell her, [Michael shakes his head and makes the \"motorboat\" noise] \"Brbrbrbrbr!\" also?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: You showed great leadership potential at the coal walk. Even if you did follow it with that embarrassing personal confession.","Pam: Thank you.","Dwight: I had to make Andy my number two. It's political, complicated, you wouldn't understand. I want you... to be Assistant Regional Manager.","Pam: Really?","Dwight: Well, in a sense. Although, publicly I am going to retain the Assistant Regional Manager position.","Pam: You will be your own assistant.","Dwight: Correct, I need someone I can trust. But I would also like the title... to be secretly applied to you. Just stripped of its pomp and frills.","Pam: Okay. So... you would be the Regional Manager, and the Assistant Regional Manager. Andy is your number two. I would be the Secret Assistant Regional Manager.","Dwight: Mmmmmm, let's call it Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager.","Pam: Mm-hmm.","Dwight: Do you accept?","Pam: Absolutely, I do.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: I learned from Jim, if Dwight ever asks you to accept something secret... you reply, \"Absolutely, I do.\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [knocks on door] Hello, hello!","David: Michael, good to see you!","Michael: Good to see you. Here are the post-merger performance stats that you asked for.","David: Oh, great. I've been meaning to thank you by the way. You didn't lose a single customer during the merger, and you still managed to trim the budget? That is nice work. [Michael smiles] So, let me ask you a question right off the bat. What do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager?","Michael: Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard. I care too much. And sometimes I can be too invested in my job.","David: Okay. And your strengths?","Michael: Well, my weaknesses are actually... strengths.","David: Oh. Yes. Very good.","Michael: Thank you.","David: Very good.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Phyllis: Dwight is our new boss.","Oscar: Oh, Michael's not going anywhere.","Pam: Then who do you think will get the job?","Kevin: Karen. She looks corporate. Those little pants suits.","Phyllis: I think it's gonna be Michael.","Oscar: Do you really think he's qualified for that job?","Phyllis: No, but he wasn't qualified for the job he has now, and he got that one.","Oscar: [laughs] Mm. Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Listen up! Come to the center of the room, please. This... [holds up paper that resemles a sheet sized dollar bill with Dwight's face in the middle] is a Schrute Buck. When you have done something good, you will receive one Schrute Buck. One thousand Schrute Bucks... equals an extra five minutes for lunch.","Pam: [raises hand] What is the cash value of a Schrute Buck?","Dwight: Excellent question, Pam. 1\/100th of a cent.","Oscar: So ten thousand of your dollars is worth one real dollar?","Dwight: Just... zip your lid! Another announcement. Michael wasted an enormous amount of the group's time and patience with non-work related ethnic celebrations and parades of soft-minded dogoodedness. No longer. No more meetings!","Stanley: Amen.","Dwight: Instead, today I will begin my first lecture in a long series of lectures designed to increase your knowledge on the world of paper.","Kevin: [raises hand] Do we have to?","Dwight: Yes! Michael is gone. There's a new sheriff here in these offices, and his name is \"me.\" Conference room! Ten seconds! All of you!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: I literally cannot wait to see what Dwight has planned. And I wish Jim were here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","David: What do you think we could be doing better?","Michael: I've never been a big fan of the name Dunder Mifflin. I was thinking we could name the company something like, \"Paper Great. Where great paper is our passion. We're GRRRRRRRRRREAT!\" I don't know, could be good. Or, uh, \"Super Duper Paper. It's super duper.\" I don't know, something like that.","David: Okay!","Michael: Okay.","David: Thanks for comin' in, Michael.","Michael: Thank you.","David: It is always a treat when our paths cross.","Michael: It is always a treat when our paths cross. So, oh! Before I forget, I wanted to let you know, if you hadn't already heard, uh, Jan and I are back together. So... I may need to fill out one of those love documents again.","David: You're back together.","Michael: Yes. And I am very excited about the prospect of working under her... or on top of her. [laughs] Mm, that's not sexual, just... we're all professionals.","David: Okay, uh. Well, I thought it was clear in the description, the position... the job you're applying for... is Jan's job.","Michael: I don't understand. So, we're gonna tag team it?","David: No, we're letting Jan go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Listen up. Let's start... from the ground up. Where does paper come from?","Kevin: [at the same time as Dwight] Trees.","Dwight: Trees! And where do trees grow?","Kevin: [at the same time as Dwight] Forest.","Dwight: Soil. Right. We have, in front of you here, seven different types of Pennsylvania top soil. Now, what would you say... is the most important element in the production of above ground leafy growth? Probably phosphorus, right? [Angela smiles, shakes her head \"no\"] Wrong! It's nitrogen! Absorb this information. Good! Now, let us discuss precipitation. Stanley! When rainfall occurs, does it usually fall in a liquid, solid, or gaseous... state?","Stanley: Liquid.","Dwight: Very good! You have earned one Schrute Buck.","Stanley: I don't want it.","Dwight: Then you have been deducted 50 Schrute Bucks!","Stanley: Make it 100.","Dwight: We--- Don't you wanna earn Schrute Bucks?","Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again.","Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks?","Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.","Dwight: Okay---","Andy: That's it!","Dwight: What---","Andy: Class is canceled, everybody out!","Dwight: No wait, what are you doing?!","Andy: I'm punishing them.","Dwight: No, no, no, wait! Class is not canceled.","Everyone: [grumbling, getting loud]","Pam: HEY! COME ON! Let's listen to Dwight's presentation! [Dwight winks at Pam]","Oscar: What--- What are you winking for?","Dwight: Zip your lid!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Karen: So, that's... my basic 5 year plan. And after that, who knows?","David: Okay. Uh, now, this may seem like an odd question, but...","Karen: Yeah?","David: ...what do you think about Michael Scott?","Karen: He's a very nice man. And he's very well suited for the job he has now.","David: This is off the record.","Karen: He would be disaster.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jan: Hey you!","Michael: Hey.","Jan: How was your interview?","Michael: Pretty good.","Jan: Yeah?","Michael: Could have gone better I guess.","Jan: Oh. [they kiss] I'll put in a good word for you.","Michael: Cool. Maybe you should do it sooner rather than later.","Jan: What?","Michael: Daaah, let's just run away together. Let's just run away to Jamaica and live in a bungalow. You have some savings right? You could pay off my debts. It would... be fine. We'd have fun.","Jan: What's... what's the matter? What... what happened in there?","Michael: I can't tell you.","Jan: Tell me what?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jan: You son of a bitch!","David: Jan, this isn't the time, we're in an interview---","Jan: You're firing me? Where the hell do you get off?","David: Frankly, it's overdue. Your behavior in the last two years has been completely erratic.","Jan: Erratic?","David: Recently, you don't even show an interest in your work! You smoke constantly in your office. You spend most of the day online shopping. You disappear for hours at a time, sometimes days. Always saying you're visiting your sister in Scottsdale. You go to Scranton far more often than you used to---","Jan: [opens up her overcoat] Is it because of these?","Michael: Wuuuoooh, hey, whoa, Jan---","Jan: No, I wanna know. I wanna know! Because if it is, then, then, then I will see you in court!","David: It's not.","Jan: No?","David: It's not.","Jan: 'Cause he likes them. [points to Michael] Okay? He likes them. And, and that is, that is all I care about.","David: The time has come for you to end your professional relationship with this company. You are clearly unstable.","Michael: Hey! You're unstable!","Jan: Yeah!","Michael: No--- We're all unstable.","Jan: Okay, you know what? I'm just not leaving. I'm not leaving. Not leaving.","Michael: David, I did not tell her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: It's like staring into my soul, when I look at this wall.","Dwight: It's like outerspace without the stars, it's so black. [laughs]","Andy: This is gonna look so awesome!","Dwight: It's so intimidating! Anyone who comes in here... is gonna have to take me seriously. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!","Andy: [laughs] Totally!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jan: [giving a hug] Bye Hunter.","Hunter: Bye.","Jan: Good luck with your band.","Hunter: Oh, thank---","Jan: Don't let them change you, okay? [Jan drops several items, Michael and Hunter help pick them up, she starts to walk out the door] So long, [censored].","Michael: So, I am gonna... give her a ride home. Let me know about the job.","David: Actually, Michael, I think we're gonna take it in another direction.","Michael: Good, I'm glad we're on the same page. I have a lot of ideas for new directions.","David: No, we're not giving you the job.","Michael: You know what? That... is actually good... because, um, I don't think I could take... my girlfriend's job. That's not being a good boyfriend. So, I respectfully withdraw my name from consideration. Do you accept my withdrawal?","David: I do.","Michael: Good. Very good. I'm glad we are finally on the same page. Still have my job in Scranton, though.","David: Yes.","Michael: Good. That's all I ever wanted. These two. [points at Jim and Karen] Either one of them... excellent candidates.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Karen: Wow. That was some serious... hardcore... self destruction.","Jim: Yeah. Kinda feel bad for her though.","Karen: Don't! She's nuts! [they laugh]","Jim: Oh, man. You know what? This might take a while. You really don't have to stay, if you don't want.","Karen: Okay, good! Because, um, a bunch of my friends are meeting downtown for lunch. And, I was gonna meet them, so...","Jim: Okay.","Karen: Just call me when you're done.","Jim: Sure.","Karen: Good luck, Halpert.","Jim: Thank you.","Receptionist: [phone rings, picks up] Dunder Mifflin, this is Grace. Sure.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jan: Oh, God! I mean, I just don't understand! It's just so rude, you know? I mean, the absolute nerve of that guy!","Michael: I know. I know, I'm sorry about that. That was terrible.","Jan: Oh, just... No, actually I think it's good, you know? It's fine, actually, I do. I really think it's great that it happened. Because, you know, my work has always been the thing that has gotten in the way of my happiness, so... [laughs]","Michael: Well, it's... [Jan starts crying, high pitched whining] No, don't cry, it's gonna be OK.","Jan: [sobbing] Oh, I know, I know. It's just... I'm sorry. It's just these painkillers that I started taking since the surgery. Ohhh! They make my moods totally unpredictable! Wow! What am I gonna do?","Michael: [whispers] I don't know. [normal volume] Well I guess... you could come and stay at my condo. I think I could back out of the sale. [Jan exhales] Probably get some negative feedback on my eBay profile.","Jan: Live together. Actually, wait a minute! This could be great! This could be perfect! You know, my full-time job could be our relationship. I could wear stretch pants and wait for you to come home at 5:15. [laughs] It could work. This could work, really!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [in the office, imitating the terminator] I'll be baaaaack! And I am baaaack!","Pam: How'd it go?","Michael: No. No, Pam. I'm baaaaaack! For gooood! Kevin Nealon.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Everybody, may I have your attention please? It is with great honor and privilege that I announce to you that I have officially withdrawn my name for consideration from the corporate job. I know, I know, I know. \"Michael, what are you thinking? You were a shoe in.\" Well, got down there. I nailed the interview. And the strangest thing happened. Why is my office black?","Dwight: To intimidate my subordinates.","Michael: That's stupid.","Dwight: It was Andy's idea.","Michael: You shouldn't have taken it. Bad management! Good thing I'm baaaaaack. [laughs] Ryan, coffee.","Ryan: I don't do that stuff anymore.","Michael: No, it's for me, bimbo. Kids.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: So I'm back. And I am never, ever going to leave. I am going nowhere. This place... is like... the hospital where I was born, my house, my old age home, and my... graveyard... for my bones.","Pam: Did... Karen get the job?","Michael: [to everyone] Back to work. [to Ryan] Still waitin' on that coffee.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Pam, hello.","Pam: Dwight, hello.","Dwight: I wanted to thank you... for helping me, when you held the title, Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager. You served the office with great dignity. [Pam salutes Dwight, Dwight returns the salute]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: No, I don't know what the future holds, but... I'm optimistic. And, uh, I had fun goofing around with Dwight today. Jim and I... are just... too similar. Maybe one day I'll find my own Karen. But--- you--- that is, a, um, you know, not--- A man. A man version. But, uh, until then... I can hold my head up. ... I'm not gay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","David: I don't know how I feel about hiring a Sixers fan.","Jim: I should leave. [pretends to get up] [they laugh]","David: Uh, let me ask you a question, Jim. You're clearly a very bright guy.","Jim: Thanks.","David: Always hit your numbers, personable, you make a great impression on everyone you meet---","Jim: I'm sorry, wait, so is the question \"How'd I get to be so awesome?\" [laughs] Because, I don't have an answer for you. [laughs]","David: Uh, oh, hey, do you have your quarterly numbers?","Jim: Yes, absolutely.","David: And that, uh, questionnaire. Sorry to make you fill that thing out...","Jim: Oh, no, absolutely.","David: ...that's a HR formality. We have this very irritating HR guy here, he's probably the only person you're not gonna like. [Jim notices a small note inside his papers, it reads \"Jim, Don't forget us when you're famous! Pam\" It has a gold medal yogurt lid attached.] Kendall. Ugh. So, first up...","Jim: [hands David his papers] There you go.","David: How do you think you function here in New York?","Jim: [not thinking clearly because of Pam's note] What's that? Oh, uh, great. You know? I just um, I really appreciate the buildings, and uh, the people, and um, there's just a [sic] energy... New York has, uh... Not to mention, they have places that are open past eight. [David laughs] So that's a... bonus.","David: You've been in the Scranton branch a long time. [Jim stares at Pam's note] What have you liked most about that place?","Jim: [thinks] The friendships.","David: Okay. Well, we want the person who takes this position to be here for the long haul. So... long haul. Where do you see yourself in ten years?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: [flashback to Beach Games] How are your feet?","Pam: Medium rare. Thanks. [they laugh]","Jim: The real reason that I went to Stamford... was because... I wanted to be... not here.","Pam: I know.","Jim: And even though... I came back, I just, I feel like I've never really... come back.","Pam: Well, I wish you would.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: [phone rings, Pam answers] Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Just one moment, I'll transfer you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: I haven't heard anything, but I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him... and, if he never comes back again... that's OK. We're friends. And I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just, we never got the timing right. You know? I shot him down, and then he did the same to me, and... But you know what? It's OK. I'm totally fine. Everything is gonna be totally--- [Jim walks in]","Jim: Pam. [to camera] Sorry. [to Pam] Um, are you free for dinner tonight?","Pam: Yes.","Jim: All right. Then... it's a date.","Pam: [to camera, tearing up, smiling] I'm sorry, what was the question?","[SCENE_BREAK]","David: [on phone] So, I know we left the other day on a note of uncertainty. But, after some more thought, I'm very pleased to be able to offer you this job. [laughs] Great! I'm so glad. We're all very excited you're going to be joining us. It'll be nice to have another MBA around here.","Ryan: [on phone, smiling] I'm excited too. Okay. Bye.","Kelly: Who was that?","Ryan: [still smiling] Nobody. You and I are done.","Kelly: What?! [Ryan smiles and glances at the camera]"],"Show Title":"The Office","Episode Number":"03x24\/25","Episode Title":"The Job (Parts 1&2)","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Office_04x12.json","Recap":["Michael is thrown in the middle of a deposition between Dunder Mifflin and his girlfriend Jan after Jan sues the company for wrongful termination. Although the case initially goes well for Jan, Michael's actions lead to Dunder Mifflin easily getting the upper hand. Meanwhile, back at Dunder Mifflin Scranton, a ping pong craze turns into a battle of the relationships between Pam and Jim and Kelly and Darryl."],"Transcript":["Oscar: So the figures show improvement right there, Michael. And again- [Pam walks in and shows Michael a note]","Michael: I'll call back.","Kevin: You never call back.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: Every time Michael's in a meeting, he makes me come in and give him a Post-It note telling him who's on the phone. I did it once, and he freaked out. He loved it so much. The thing is he doesn't get that many calls. So he has me make them up every 10 minutes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [Pam walks in and shows Michael a note that says \"Good Morning\"] Yeah, um, tell him I'll call him back.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jan: [laughing]","Michael: You can't always work 200 days though.","Michael: [Pam walks in and shows Michael a note that has a smiley face] Oh, no, no, no, I don't have time for this. Tell him I'm in a meeting. [Jan looks impressed]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: You have to know how to work this. There's no excuse for this.","Michael: Yep.","Ryan: I can get you a tutor if you need- [Pam walks in and shows Michael a note with a waving, smiling Hot Dog saying \"Hiya Buddy\"]","Michael: Oh. Ah, this is a very important client. But, I have the most important client sitting right in front of me, my boss, so I will call him later.","Ryan: Oh, no, no, no, customer service is obviously priority one. You can take the call.","Michael: N-No, money isn't everything Ryan. And you're my friend, and I don't want to be rude.","Ryan: Take the call, friend.","Michael: I refuse. My house, my rules, I insist.","Ryan: I insist you take your work calls.","Michael: Uh, okay, all right. Pam, would you put the call through? [Pam pushes a button the phone] Hi buddy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jan: I don't know, it's just, ugh, I never felt welcomed there, you know? It's such a...boys club.","Michael: Yeah, I hate that.","Jan: Good.","Michael: So, here's the deal. Um, I am on my way to New York to be deposed as part of Jan's wrongful termination law suit. The company fired her for having the courage to augment her boobs.","Jan: And they displayed a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behavior.","Michael: Yes, yes. Pat-tern. Patt-ern. My friend Pat took a turn. That's how I remember that. Could we pull over and put down the top? I'm feeling a little queasy.","Jan: Um, no, I want it up. My hair.","Michael: Well-","Jan: Remember, it isn't just a pattern, It's a pattern of disrespect, and inappropriate behavior.","Michael: Disray .My friend Disray got news specs. Disray spect. My friend Inappro drives a Prius with his behind neighbor.","Jan: Does this work for you?","Michael: Yep. Tell them how much you're gonna get if you win.","Jan: Uh, come on Micheal, that's tacky.","Michael: Million dollars!","Jan: Four million.","Michael: Four million dollars! Man that is a lot of guacamole. A lot of the green. Lot of green. That is why I have memorized Jan's answers, and I have also thrown in some errs, and ahhs, to make it seem like it's not memorized.","Jan: No, Michael. Oh, come on.","Michael: Perfect crime.","Jan: Stop saying ridiculous things. He's just gonna tell the truth, the truth is-is very...you know, complicated, so we went over it carefully, and-and just so we wouldn't leave anything up to chance or Michael's judgment.","Michael: Could we please pull over and pull down the top, I do not feel good.","Jan: Michael, I told you, I am not putting the top down.","Michael: I'm getting car sick! Ugh, I'm gonna puke. I think I'm gonna throw up.","Jan: All right, fine, just a second. Hold on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Hey, Schneider, real quick. What do you call a butt load of lawyers driving off a cliff?","Lester: A good start. And I think it's busload.","Michael: Yeah, a bunch of rich lawyers took the bus. [To Jan] Where did you find this guy? Hey, there he is.","Ryan: Hey Michael.","Michael: Hey hey.","Ryan: I'm glad you're here. I actually need to talk to you for a second.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: Could we talk off the record? As friends?","Michael: I would love that.","Ryan: Jan... has put the company in a very tough position here. Now you've been with us for a long time. Over 10 years, right? We just want to be sure that you won't do anything to hurt us with your testimony. Do you understand?","Michael: Abso-fruitley. Yeah. I'll-I'll do anything for the company.","Ryan: Good. That is great to hear.","Michael: It is.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Darryl: [playing ping-pong] Game, son!","Jim: All right, let's run it back.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: The warehouse got a ping pong table last week. Now Jim comes down and plays with Darryl. Sometimes I bring him juice. My boyfriend is 12.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kelly: What has two skinny chicken legs and sucks at ping pong?","Pam: Hi, Kelly.","Kelly: Guess whose boyfriend it is?","Pam: I don't wanna guess.","Kelly: I'll give you a hint[\/b]: It's not my boyfriend. I think it's a guy over here [points to Jim].","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kelly: I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like[\/b]: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like[\/b]: You're ugly and I know it for a fact so I got the evidence right there.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: Jim. Can I see you for a second?","Jim: Sure.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Wow.","Pam: Okay, it's not regulation size, but it'll do. You have to practice. You have to get real good and beat Darryl.","Jim: Oh, I can't beat Darryl.","Pam: Please? Kelly's trash talking me because Darryl is beating you.","Jim: What, seriously? What is she saying?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kelly: [flashback, to Pam] Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kelly: [flashback, to Pam] Jim couldn't hit a ping pong ball if it was the size of the moon.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kelly: [flashback, to Pam] Were Jim's parents first cousins that were also bad at ping pong?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: So you're asking me to defend your honor against Kelly?","Pam: Sorta, yes.","Jim: Bring me players.","Pam: Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Diane Kelly: Hi everyone, I'm Diane Kelly. I'm the company's chief legal counsel.","Michael: Hi. [Michael sees Toby] No, no, absolutely not. What is he doing here?","Diane: Toby?","Michael: Are you renewing your divorce vows, before my deposition?","Toby: Michael, I'm your HR Rep. I'm on your side.","Michael: Never. I want him gone. I don't talk until he leaves.","Jan: Michael, just relax, okay?","Diane: You know, I think they're, uh ready for us now. So..","Michael: Okay. All right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Deposition Reporter: Mr. Scott. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?","Michael: Yessh.","Lester: Mr. Scott, can you describe the circumstances of Ms. Levinson's termination?","Michael: Well, it was not just termination. It was a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behavior.","Lester: Oh. Very good. Well put.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jan: People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at. Like ice skating. He is a very good ice skater.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: Hey, Kevin. Jim needs to see you.","Kevin: About what?","Pam: He needs help balancing some travel receipts.","Kevin: Are you sure he wants me? Because I have Oscar balance my travel receipts.","Pam: Yeah, no, he asked for you specifically. He's in the conference room.","Kevin: [enters conference room and sees ping pong table] Oh, awesome! [Pam puts \"Meeting in Progress\" sign on the door]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lester: How long have you known the plaintiff?","Michael: I haven't actually seen it. But I have seen the firm, and I am planning on renting The Pelican Brief","Lester: How long have you known Ms. Levinson?","Michael: Six years and two months.","Lester: And you were directly under her the entire time?","Michael: That's what she said.","Lester: Excuse me?","Michael: That's what she said.","Lester: Ms. Levinson told you she was your direct superior?","Michael: Uh, wh-why would she say that?","Jan: Can we just move on to another question?","Diane: No wait, I don't understand. Who's on record on saying this?","Lester: With all due respect, I'm in the middle of a line of questioning. Now Mr. Scott, what did you say Ms. Levinson said? Regarding your employment status with respect to her corporate position.","Michael: Come again? That's what she said? I don't know what you're talking about.","Jan: Okay, if I may, he was just telling a joke before, so can we move on to another question?","Lester: Oh, are you sure?","Jan: Uh, yes.","Lester: Can you go back to where this digression began?","Deposition Reporter: [reading off paper] Mr. Schneider[\/b]: And you were directly under her the entire time? Mr. Scott[\/b]: That's what she said.","Michael: Well, delivery is all wrong. She's butchering it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kelly: [Pam leaving bathroom, Kelly entering, awkward moment, Pam steps aside to let Kelly in] Yeah, that's what I thought.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lester: Did Ms. Levinson ever say why she thought she was being fired?","Michael: She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what I call them.","Lester: Can you be more specific? Who are the twins?","Michael: Um, to be delicate, they hang off milady's chest. They... make milk.","Lester: You don't need to go any further. Her breasts.","Michael: Yes.","Lester: She thought it had something to do with her recent breast enhancement surgery?","Michael: Yes, and frankly, the timing was nothing short of predominant.","Lester: What about your romantic relationship with Ms. Levinson? Could that have played a part in her termination?","Michael: Well, if it did, then the company is breaking its own rules.","Lester: Interesting. How so?","Michael: Because before we started dating, we disclosed our relationship to HR. And I have the proof right here. [makes a gasping sound]","Diane: Okay, the company has just a few clarifying questions, Mr. Scott, if that's okay with you?","Michael: I will allow it.","Diane: Um would you mind please just, uh, taking a quick look at, uh, this photograph please. [Diane hands Michael the photo of Jan and Michael in Jamaica]","Michael: Uh...","Diane: That is you and Ms. Levinson in Jamaica, is that correct?","Michael: Uh-huh.","Diane: And that photograph was taken more than two months prior to this start of your relationship. Does that sound right? Mr. Scott, the timeline here is actually very important. Please, when did your relationship actually begin?","Michael: Ugh. Well, de-depends on how you define \"begin\". I mean, if it was from the first time we shook hands, that's like six years ago. If it's from the first time we kissed, that's like two years ago.","Diane: Wait, excuse me?","Michael: If it was the first time we kissed sober, it was like four months after that.","Lester: Could we take a short break?","Diane: No, uh, are you telling me that your relationship began two years ago and not in February as you previously testified to here?","Michael: Line.","Diane: I'm sorry, what?","Man: He asked for a line, like in a play.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Deposition Reporter: [reading off paper] \"Mr. Scott, do you realize you just contradicted yourself?\" \"I did?\" \"Yes you did.\" \"Can I go to the bathroom?\" \"No.\" \"I really have to, I've been drinking lots of water.\" \"You went five minutes ago.\" \"That wasn't to go to the bathroom, that was to get out of a question.\" \"You still have to answer it.\" \"First can I go to the bathroom?\" \"No.\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Good game Meredith.","Meredith: Don't patronize me.","Dwight: All right! What is going on here?","Jim: Dwight! Thank God you're here. As it turns out, one of our biggest clients is a ping pong master, and I have to play him tomorrow, or we lose the account. Can you help me out? Will you help me practice?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: [Dwight and Jim are playing ping-pong, and Dwight scores] What the hell?","Dwight: I told you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: All of my heroes are table tennis players. Zoran Primorac, Jan-Ove Waldner, Wang Tao, J\u00f6rg Ro\u00dfkopf, and of course Ashraf Helmi. I even have a life size poster of Hugo Hoyama on my wall. And the first time I left Pennsylvania was to go the hall of fame induction ceremony of Andrzej Grubba.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Jan and I had an off again, on again relationship for two years. And I know this destroys her case, and I am sorry, but I throw myself at the mercy of the deposition.","Diane Kelly: Thank you, Mr. Scott. That's all we needed to know.","Lester: Wait, we'd like to enter to the record a page from Michael Scott's personal journal.","Michael: Whoa whoa whoa whoa! What are you doing with my diary?","Lester: This is plaintiff's exhibit 107. I quote from an entry dated Janruary 4 of this past year. \"Just got back from Jamaica. Tan almost everywhere. Jan almost everywhere. Hehe. Oh diary, what a week. I had s*x with my boss. I don't know if it's going to go anywhere. Jan was very specific that this is not going anywhere, that it was a one time mistake. But we had s*x six times so you tell me. I am definitely feeling very eerie.\"","Michael: Irie.","Lester: Irie, sorry. \"More tomorrow. xoxo, Michael.\" It would appear, that neither you nor Ms. Levinson considered you had a relationship in any sense of the word. Is that correct?","Diane Kelly: We're gonna need to see a copy of that entire journal before we proceed.","Michael: I don't think anyone in this room has the right to read my diary.","Diane Kelly: It's basic discovery. We have the right to review it.","Man: OK, let's make ten copies of this diary.","Toby: Um, can you make it eleven?","Man: Eleven, sure. And we'll break for lunch, so everyone can have a look.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [looking for a place to sit, goes to Toby's table] Can I sit here?","Toby: [nods] ...You know, I, uh, I know a little about what you're going through in a way. Um, when I was a kid, my parents got divorced. They both wanted custody, and they both asked me to testify against the other one in court. So, I don't know, I didn't want them getting divorced in the first place you know? I loved them both so much. I just wanted... [Michael pushes Toby's food tray off the table and walks off]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: How can you give up my diary like that?","Jan: I had to, I'm sorry but I need to win this. We need to win this.","Michael: How'd you even find it?","Jan: You keep it under my side of the mattress.","Michael: I don't like lump. I'm really upset about this.","Jan: Alright, I stole your diary and gave it to my lawyer. You emailed a topless photo of me to everyone in our company. Let's call it even.","Michael: Fine. I love you.","Jan: I love you too.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Diane Kelly: [looking at a copy of Michael's diary] Mr. Scott, who is this other woman, Ryan? Who you refer to her as \"Just as hot as Jan, but in a different way.\"","Michael: Not a woman, just a cool, great looking, best friend.","Lester: Aren't we trying to determine whether Michael or Jan were engaged in a romantic affair? Not Michael and this Ryan person.","Toby: [laughs out loud] Excuse me.","Michael: Alright, alright. This is the way I see it. Yes, I had s*x with Jan, and yes, I did consider Jan to be my girlfriend. However, Jan clearly didn't consider me to be her boyfriend. So her actions are completely rightful.","Diane Kelly: OK Mr. Scott, it's, it's admirable the way you defend a woman who is so obviously ambivalent about her relationship with you.","Michael: Thank you very much. You didn't have to say that.","Diane Kelly: Considering she consistently gave you such poor performance reviews.","Michael: That was before our relationship. She was going through a divorce, and she was drinking a lot... [Jan glares at Michael] ...of water.","Diane Kelly: Mr. Scott, this is a copy of a particularly negative performance review. Would you mind, uh, reading the date on that please? [slides the performance review towards Michael]","Michael: March 17th.","Diane Kelly: And that would be a month after your relationship became official, is that correct?","Michael: Yes.","Diane Kelly: You may read the, uh, highlighted portion out loud if you'd like to.","Michael: [reading the performance review] \"I am out of carrots. I am out of sticks. Mr. Scott has time and again proven himself to be an unmanageable employee, and a poor branch manager. I recommend he be removed from that position and re-assigned to sales where he belongs.\"","Diane Kelly: Mr. Scott, after hearing that wouldn't you say Ms. Levinson's judgment is, at least, very seriously flawed?","Michael: [stares at Diane, eyes tearing up]","Diane Kelly: Mr. Scott?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: [walks in the conference room where Jim and Dwight are playing ping-pong] How's it going?","Dwight: Well, he has gone from completely hopeless to simply miserable.","Jim: Check this out though, spin serve. [serves, and Dwight scores] Well, it works like 80% of the time, so...","Pam: Nice. So, should I reschedule the rematch with Darryl now?","Jim: I think I'm ready.","Pam: I'll make the call.","Dwight: Wait a minute, Darryl is the client? ...No, no, no. He works here, dumbass.","Jim: ...Right. Spin-serve! [serves, and Dwight scores]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: How can you do that to me?","Jan: [looks at Lester]","Lester: You can respond, just remember it's all going into the record.","Jan: Michael, I am not the enemy, OK? Dunder Mifflin is the enemy.","Michael: Dunder Mifflin has always treated me with the utmost respect, with loyalty. They were going to give me your job and I should have taken it.","Jan: Alright, wait. Before you go any further, let me show you what kind of loyalty they have, OK? Lester, please read that part of Wallace's deposition.","Lester: Starting at paragraph 6. Council[\/b]: \"Mr. Wallace, regarding Michael Scott, was he a contender to replace Jan Levinson?\" David Wallace[\/b]: \"Yes.\"","Michael: See? I was his number 1 contender. I was being groomed.","Lester: Council[\/b]: \"Was he your first choice?\" David Wallace[\/b]: \"Michael Scott is a fine employee who has been with the company for many years.\"","Council: \"Was he in the top 5 of contenders?\" David Wallace[\/b]: \"What do you want me to say? Come on, he's a nice guy. There were many people that I considered.\" Council[\/b]: \"Was he seriously being considered for the corporate job?\" David Wallace[\/b]: \"No.\"","Lester: I have one more question, Mr. Scott. Wouldn't you agree with Ms. Levinson that the company exhibits a pattern of disrespect toward its employees?","Michael: ...Absolutely not.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: [watches Jim score in ping-pong against Darryl] Yes! Way to go. [looks at Kelly] See that?","Kelly: Yeah, the floppy haired girl you date won a point.","Darryl: 19, serving 4. [serves and scores]","Kelly: Woooh! Nice baby! Nice one! [starts singing] Hey, hey, you, you! I don't like your boyfriend! Cuz, cuz, cuz, cuz, cuz he sucks at ping-pong!","Pam: You know what? I'm sick of this! Let's go, you and me!","Kelly: What?","Pam: Let's go. Pick up a paddle.","Kelly: OK. Bring it on.","Pam: I am.","Kelly: Think you can handle this?","Pam: In my sleep.","Kelly: OK. Volley for serve, P. [serves]","Pam: O. [hits the ping-pong ball, and it hits the net] [serves] P.","Kelly: O. [hits the ping-pong ball, and it hits the net]","Jim: Do you want to go play on the table upstairs?","Darryl: Yes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","David: Michael. I am very sorry.","Michael: Oh, hey no biggie. Just...","David Wallace: No, no, no, no, no. This was rough. We never meant for you to get caught in the middle of this. I'm very sorry.","Michael: [nods and shakes hands with David Wallace] Hey, David?","David: Yeah?","Michael: I think you're a nice guy too.","David: Thanks, Michael.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Why did I do it? I don't know. Jan said that it was because of the photo that she revealed the diary. But she already brought the diary with her to New York, so... You expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [Driving with Jan in the car] What do you want to do for dinner?","Jan: How about Chinese?","Michael: Sure trying to save some money... get something cheap.","Jan: That was my cheap suggestion. Chinese was my cheap suggestion.","Michael: Do you fast food?","Jan: Fine, fast food's fine."],"Show Title":"The Office","Episode Number":"04x12","Episode Title":"The Deposition","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Office_05x17.json","Recap":["In part two, Michael and Pam arrive in Nashua, where Holly is off for a few days. Michael feels devastated when he learns that she has a new boyfriend and Pam is forced to finish the lecture. Michael finds a computer file addressed to him on Holly's computer; Pam reads it and tells him that Holly still cares for him. Dwight and Jim continue to struggle to throw Kelly a party, but ultimately make her happy by introducing a new theme of either getting to watch TV or take a nap for one hour. Angela's new nanny cam causes a stir when the staff see her bizarre interaction with her pets."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: I am on a lecture circuit. I'm goin' around to all the branches, and I'm telling them my secret recipe for success.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: I have now memorized all of your names. Shirty, Mole, Lazy Eye, Mexico, Baldy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [holding a chainsaw] And I turn it on and I say 'Prepare yourself for the Utica Chainsaw Massacre.'","[SCENE_BREAK]","Karen: How's Jim?","Pam: We're engaged.","Karen: Oh my God, I'm so happy for you!","Pam: Oh, wow, thank you!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: You remember Holly? She used to work for HR? She's the love of my life. She just left... and I never got closure. And I feel like I need to go to Nashua and get closure.","Pam: ... Okay, let's go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oscar: [Kevin is holding two ice cream treats] Two?","Kevin: I didn't eat lunch. [Oscar gives Kevin a look] I didn't eat all my lunch.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Angela: [enters smiling and waving] Hello, everyone. Oh, ice cream. Nice, Kevin. Looks good.","Kevin: It... yeah.","Oscar: Angela, you're more chipper than usual.","Angela: I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. [takes a breath, excitedly] She's hypoallergenic. She doesn't struggle when you try to dress her. She's a third-generation show cat. Her father was in 'Meet the Parents.' Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.","Meredith: How much?","Angela: Seven thousand dollars.","Creed: For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.","Oscar: Where'd you get that kind of money?","Angela: I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.","Kevin: Wait, you didn't give it back?","Angela: He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name is Princess Lady!","Meredith: Seven grand?","Angela: Mm-hmm.","Meredith: I gotta see that little bitch.","Angela: I have something better than a picture. Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oscar: You have your cats on Nanny-Cam?","Angela: Yeah. [cats meowing] I mean, I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat, but I'm out of vacation days. And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. I mean, when somebody has a kid, oh sure, take off a year.","Meredith: She's right. I had my second kid just for the vacation.","Angela: Right. Anyways... I just want to make sure Princess Lady is acclimating well. She means more to me than anyone.","Kevin: Any cat, you mean.","Angela: And person.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: So, detour. We're now adding Nashua to the Lecture Circuit so Michael can confront Holly and get some closure. Nashua actually sounded very excited on the phone. I don't think they get a lot of visitors. Because their office is only accessible by cross-country skis. Hey-oh! [laughs] [whispers] I've been driving too long.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [shouts from another room] What did you do?","Kelly: Stop yelling at me!","Dwight: What did you do?","Kelly: I didn't do anything!","Dwight: What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh? Like how to fashion a shiv, hmm?","Jim: Hey! What the hell's goin' on?","Dwight: Why don't you tell Jim where you were from ages 14 to 15.","Kelly: I was kickin' it.","Dwight: In juvie.","Jim: What?","Dwight: Juvie... nile... Detention Center. Where they send teenagers!","Jim: Yep.","Dwight: For reha-","Jim: Got it.","Dwight: What did you do? Huh?","Jim: Hey, Dwight, sounds like she was 14, so maybe we wanna go a little easy.","Dwight: Yeah, if she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to follow the law. [to Kelly] What did you do?","Kelly: My boyfriend dumped me, so, I stole his boat. I mean, he told me it was his boat. It was actually his father's. And I just thought it'd be really romantic, like 'Thelma and Louise,' but with, like, a boat. And it was the worst year of my life. And I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday!","Dwight: I thought you said yesterday was your birthday!","Jim: Hey, you know what? I got you a cake.","Kelly: You did? I wanna see the cake.","Jim: And... ta da.","Kelly: I hate it.","Jim: How do you hate it? It's a cake.","Kelly: Well, there's no flowers... or toys... or--- I mean, there's nothing on it. Where did you even find a cake like this? I mean, it doesn't have my name on it! Do you guys know what my name is? My name is Kelly!","Jim: Right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: I forgot if there was an \"e\" between the \"l\" and the \"y.\" I still don't know.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kelly: I mean, I don't even know what the theme is. What's the theme?!","Jim: Birthday.","Dwight: Frosting.","Kelly: Those aren't... themes. There's always a theme. [walks out]","Phyllis: There's always a theme.","Dwight: Nice job on the cake, Bozo!","Jim: Okay, you know what, next time, I'll let you get the cake and I get to scream at the birthday girl.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: [taking Michael's picture] Okay, a little bit more closer to the sign. Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Do I look okay?","Pam: You look good.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Hi.","Receptionist: Hi, can I help you?","Michael: Yes, you can. I am, uh, Michael Scott, Regional Manager of the Scranton branch.","Receptionist: Yes, we were expecting you. Have a seat.","Michael: Thank you. ... Um... is, uh, Holly Flax anywhere here?","Receptionist: Actually, she's on an HR retreat for the next three days.","Michael: Oh- She's not here?","Receptionist: But, if you need to get in touch with her immediately, you could talk to A.J. He's a salesman here.","Michael: A.J.","Receptionist: Yeah, he's her boyfriend. He's just over there.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: She has a boyfriend.","Pam: I'm so sorry, Michael.","Michael: How could she do this to me, Pam?","Pam: She's not doing it to hurt you.","Michael: I can't do the presentation, I can't- [voice cracks] ... just... oh... thinking about seeing him... and... thinking about... him getting to hold her and getting to kiss her, it just- oh, God! [starts crying, covers his face]","Pam: Listen, when Jim was dating Karen, I didn't want to come to work. It was awful. I hated it. I wanted to quit, but-","Michael: I know, just... uh, please, I'm going through something, okay? [exhales]","Pam: You know, when Holly gets back, everyone will tell her what a great job you did. And then she'll realize what she's missing.","Michael: And then she'll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die.","Pam: Yeah, maybe.","Michael: [laughs]","Pam: Maybe. One step at a time.","Michael: [sighs]","Pam: You can do this.","Michael: I can do this.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oscar: It could be snacks, or-","Kevin: Why would we- [cats meowing from Angela's computer, sounds like crying]","Oscar: Wha-","Kevin: Is that what I think it is? [Kevin and Oscar get up and go to Angela's computer]","Oscar: Good God!","Kevin: [gasps]","Oscar: [laughs]","Angela: [gasps]","Kevin: That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady!","Angela: No!","Meredith: Awesome!","Angela: Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat! That is very bad! You stop it right now! I swear, he is fixed.","Meredith: Yeah, I know fixed; that ain't fixed.","Kevin: No way.","Angela: No, now listen. You can't let what you see here, sully your image of them. They are good, decent cats. [all laugh] I gotta go. I'll be back in an hour. Oh, stop that! Oh!","Kevin: Oh, the other one's watching.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Okay, so all we need is a theme... and cups, and ice, and punch, and a cake.","Dwight: Busy!","Jim: Hey, what's that show that she's always talking about?","Dwight: Oh, my God. Is this how you are with Pam? 'Cause she must want to shoot herself in the face.","Jim: You know what? I could use a little help.","Dwight: You know what? I'm a little busy.","Jim: We have a lot to do, and you are... putting up a very effeminate sign. Is that what you've been doing, is making a sign?","Dwight: It's not effeminate. It's festive.","Jim: You've been making that sign, for something that we could just announce to the whole office? Hey everybody, the party's now at 3!","Stanley: I know, I just read it on the sign.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Goooood morning, Viet-Nashua! Sales. Sales is what bwings us together, today. How do we deal with clients who say, \"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn... about paper\" and get them to \"Show us the money!\" Well, we are going to find out today. Show of hands. How many of you are salesmen? Let's see the salesmen. [some raise their hands] Oh, okay. Well I know what the rest of you are thinking. Wow, yuck. Salesmen are the worst! They are awful. They are so arrogant. They think the whole place revolves around them. Handsome, good listeners, funny, Mr. Wonderful. So, okay, you're a salesman. What's, uh, what's your name?","A.J.: A.J.","Michael: A.J. What kind of name is A.J.?","A.J.: [laughs]","Michael: What do you race cars?","A.J.: [laughs] I'm a salesman. That's why I raised my hand.","Michael: Ooh. Ouch. Okay, good. You're funny, very good and funny. Tell me, A.J., are you dating? Is there somebody you date?","A.J.: Yeah. Why, are you interested? [all laugh]","Woman: I have a question about discounts from distributors.","Michael: Yep, we will get to you. Okay, so you're dating somebody? Um... is it serious?","A.J.: It's pretty serious, yes.","Michael: Huh- [pauses] Does she ever talk about me? [voice cracking]","Pam: Oh, God.","A.J.: Excuse me?","Man: What does this have to do with sales?","Michael: It's all connected. Shut up. [to A.J.] Does she ever mention 'Michael Scott?'","A.J.: No, what are you talking about?","Michael: [sighs loudly] Does it feel good?","A.J.: Does what feel good?","Michael: [grunts] Your life. [sits down, upset] Oh, wow. Whew. Ahh, legs are sorta giving out. Long drive in the car, so let's just- We'll just continue. [sighs, falls to floor, gets more upset] Oh, wow. [takes deep breath] Ooh, okay.","Pam: Michael, get off the floor!","Michael: Yeah, yeah... uh, I can't do this Pam. Just read from- just read the cards.","Pam: [whispering] No, no, no, you have to do it-","Michael: No, no, I'm okay. I'm all right. [sighs heavily] Okay... okay.","Pam: That was weird, huh? It's all part of the presentation. It was confusing, right? Because confusing situations happen to us all the time in our jobs. [pauses] I'm just trying to bridge the gap between what just happened and the fact that I'm going to be doing the rest of the presentation. [reading from the cards, in Forrest Gump voice] Sales is like a box a chocolates, you never know which vendor you're gonna get. Forrest Gump.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: [pointing to staff members] Blazer. Freckles. Penguin. K.D. Lang. Holly's boyfriend. These mnemonic devices help to make a connection, and then, also to help you memorize names. I have a chainsaw! [holds up chainsaw, makes a wimpy chain saw noise] Cutting down the competition.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Angela: [cats meowing in background][on Nanny-Cam] Where is that bad cat? Oh, you know who you are. Excuse me, Petals, I'm looking for Mr. Ash. He's a bad cat. Bad, bad cat. Do you hear me? Bad. Yeah, you were bad. No, you look at me when I talk to you. Do you hear me, Mr. Ash? You look at me. 'Cause I'm talking to you right now.","Oscar: [chuckles]","Kevin: [snickers]","Angela: [meows like a cat, then hisses]","Kevin: This is getting weird.","Oscar: Is she cleaning the cat with her tongue? [Angela licks cat, meows]","Kevin: Ohhh...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [sighs, touches Holly's sweater, cuts off sleeve, chuckles, sees Word document on Holly's computer named \"Dear Michael,\" plugs in USB flash drive to copy file from computer]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Angela: [shivers] [meowing noises] Has this been on the entire time?","Oscar: I have no idea.","Kevin: I was looking at pictures of food on my computer.","Angela: [sigh of relief] Well, sorry I'm late. [clears throat, coughs, pulls hairball out of her mouth]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oscar: I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat, are not things I want to go into. Also, I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: [loading up car with Michael] Don't look up. Don't look up. [sighs as office workers all looking from window]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Want some pie?","Pam: No.","Michael: I went through Holly's things.","Pam: What?","Michael: I stole a sleeve of her sweater.","Pam: Oh, Michael...","Michael: I also stole something off of her computer. A document called \"Dear Michael.\"","Pam: You did what?","Michael: I shouldn't have done it. It just- I couldn't help it.","Pam: She never sent it to you?","Michael: No, sh- she didn't. I'm gonna read it.","Pam: No.","Michael: Yes.","Pam: No, under no circumstances can you read that letter. It's a violation of her trust.","Michael: How?","Pam: Because, she didn't send it to you!","Michael: I know, I know. You're right, you're right.","Pam: I could read it.","Michael: No, that wouldn't-","Pam: Yeah, I could read it.","Michael: No, you don't have to do that.","Pam: Go get your laptop.","Michael: Okay. [leaves to get laptop]","Pam: [to camera] What? I'm not in love with her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [blowing up balloon, breathes loudly] You have to write my suggestions down, too.","Jim: I'm not writing, \"Horse Hunt.\" I don't even know what that means.","Dwight: It's in the name.","Jim: [grunts] Okay, so far, our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch football, mating, charades, and yes, horse hunting.","Dwight: You're right, forget horse hunting. It's stupid.","Jim: Look, is there a birthday you remember that you loved?","Dwight: Here's one. It was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light. An intense pressure like I'd never felt before. Father, dressed in white, pulls me forward. Mother bites the cord. [pretends to bite]","Jim: Okay, stop. Forever stop that story. That's disgusting, and it doesn't count. So give me another one.","Dwight: Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a Depression-era practicality, and then moved on to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year. [rolls eyes] What about you?","Jim: Actually, when I was seven, my Dad took me to the Natural History Museum in New York. And we looked at fossils all day. And at the end of the day, he got me a little plastic triceratops. It was awesome.","Dwight: That's cool. Hey, you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed.","Jim: [to camera] Didn't see that one coming.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: [closes laptop] It's deleted.","Michael: Well?","Pam: She still has feelings for you.","Michael: She said that? Is that what it said? What did it say?","Pam: I can't tell you specifically, but... it's not over.","Michael: You're sure?","Pam: [nods and smiles]","Michael: [smiles, sighs, chuckles] Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kelly: [enters conference room]","All: Happy Birthday!","Meredith: Surprise!","Dwight: Hey, it's not a surprise.","Jim: Not a surprise.","Kelly: This doesn't look good.","Jim: What?! You have a cake. You have a delicious cake, with your name spelled correctly?","Kelly: [shakes her head no]","Dwight: Told you.","Jim: You haven't heard our theme, though.","Kelly: You don't hear a theme, you see it... why is there a chicklet on my cake?","Jim: That's the best part. That represents a pillow, or a television.","Dwight: Our theme, if you will.","Jim: Because the fun part is, you get to decide on an hour of television, or an hour of napping.","Dwight: That's our theme.","Kelly: Cool.","Jim: Yeah?","Kelly: I love it.","Dwight: [high-fives Jim] Oh, yes! Okay, good. So what's it gonna be, Kapoor?","Kevin: Ooh- can she pick a half hour of each?","Dwight: No.","Jim: No.","Kevin: Oh, then pick TV.","Meredith: Take a nap!","Oscar: TV.","Kevin: No, watching TV at work is really cool.","Stanley: Take a nap, nothing good is on TV right now.","Creed: Bonnie Hunt is on.","Kelly: You know what, I have been watching TV all week. I choose nap.","Jim: All right.","Dwight: Okay, nap it is! Everyone out! Get out! We're gonna be eating cake at our desks. Let's go.","Meredith: Surprise.","Dwight: Move it! Let's go, go, go, go, go. I got this.","Jim: Ahem. This is for you... and [puts blanket around her shoulders] ...Happy Birthday, Kel.","Kelly: [giggles] Thank you.","Dwight: [turns off lights] Okay, you've got one hour. [shuts door]","Kelly: I'm too excited to sleep.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Mm, great cake.","Jim: Thanks. [both eat cake]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [opens door to wake Kelly, bangs together two trash can covers loudly] Birthday time is over! Now go make up for all the work you missed when you were taking your nap. [slaps Kelly's butt] Many happy returns. [slams door]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: I feel great. So good to have closure. Ah! We should go apologize to Roy or something.","Pam: No, we don't need to do that.","Michael: Who have I wronged? Who have I wronged? Oh, oh! What about that fat guy from Stamford that I insulted? We should find him!","Pam: You mean Tony?","Michael: Jabba the hut, Pizza the hut, Fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza, pepperoni Tony!","Pam: Oh, Michael.","Michael: Man, was he fat. So, so... fat. You know what, forget it. I know me. When I saw him, I would never be able to apologize to him. Too fat. Big fat fatty."],"Show Title":"The Office","Episode Number":"05x17","Episode Title":"Lecture Circuit (Part 2)","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Office_05x25.json","Recap":["Jim learns Charles is a suckup while Charles finally recognizes Dwight's bizarre personality. Although Michael, Pam, and Ryan have landed a number of clients, they learn their company's business model will not sustain beyond a month and they will fail. Dwight learns about Michael's company's failure but Jim sabotages his plan of telling Charles. David Wallace investigates the seeming success of Michael's company, and Michael, Pam, and Ryan hide their failure long enough to engineer a buyout . Michael is given his old job back, and Pam and Ryan are given jobs in sales."],"Transcript":["Michael: It's 4:30 in the morning. Do you know where your kids are? If you are Ryan's parents or Pam's parents or my parents, you do. They're gonna be in this van. With me. Who am I? Nothing to fear. I am just a 44 year old guy with a paper route.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [honking horn] Time to make the donuts. [laughs and drives away as Ryan tries to get in the van] Come on. Whoa! No, I promise I won't do it again. Come on. [does it again] De-nied!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: We've been making 5:00 AM deliveries for a couple weeks now. Ever since I've gotten clean there's something about fresh morning air that... just really makes me sick.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Hello! Time to make the donuts! Oh, Halpert! Whoa! Boner patrol. Arrest that man! Your donuts make me go nuts! [laughs] Hey Pam.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: We got the van at a used car lot. We think it says \"Alleluia Church of Scranton.\" in Korean. It was either this or an old school bus with an owl living in it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: You didn't happen to bring any coffee, did you, Michael?","Michael: Milk and sugar.","Pam: Oh, awesome. You're a life saver. [drinks from coffee cup] Wait, is this just milk and sugar?","Michael: That's what I said.","Pam: Do you drink this every day?","Michael: Every morning.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: We're, uh, we're doing okay. A couple weeks in and, um, we're having fun. Uh, yep. We have 20-- of those.","Pam: [an Asian lady tries to enter the van] Oh, oh, excuse me! Sorry. Sorry, no. It's, uh, it's a paper company now. It's not for the church.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Charles: Okay, who covers Bans Pet Grooming?","Jim: Oh, they're my client.","Charles: No, they were your client. They just called and told us they're switching over to Michael Scott Paper Company.","Dwight: [sighs] Shame, Jim. I expected more.","Charles: In the last month we have lost ten major clients to Michael Scott.","Stanley: What are we supposed to do? They keep undercutting us on price.","Charles: I don't want to hear excuses. I want to see improvements. This is unacceptable.","Andy: Hey, Boss. Uh, I'd just like to point out that I have been here less time than these guys.","Charles: Why are you telling me this?","Andy: I just think the bar should be lower for a newbie.","Charles: Is this something you really want to have said?","Andy: I don't want to have said that. But I think it's important that you know it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Charles: I don't know what to do to inspire these people. Okay, maybe it's my fault-","Dwight: It's not your fault. Some people just don't want to be inspired.","Charles: I wrote a memo to all departments asking them to find ways to save money but, uh--","Angela: Charles, I got your memo. Thank you. I want you to know I'm putting my foot down when it comes to expense reports. Waste not, want not.","Charles: Uh, well said, Angela.","Dwight: Been there, done that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: You know what we need? We need some couches in here.","Ryan: Michael, we should really consider getting a delivery guy.","Michael: Oh, you know what you would love? Is if we built a loft.","Pam: Why would I love that? Can we afford a delivery guy?","Michael: Like in a dorm room. You put your desk underneath, you have your loft up top. You can sleep up top.","Pam: Yeah, I know what a loft is.","Ryan: Most dorm rooms don't even have that.","Michael: Most do in the magazines.","Ryan: Let's see what a delivery guy costs.","Michael: We should look into that. Or we just go for the loft.","[SCENE_BREAK]","David Wallace: Would you let Charles know that David is here, please? Jim, hey.","Jim: Hey, David.","Dwight: David Wallace! Hello, we've been expecting you, David Wallace. Charles and I were waiting for you.","Charles: There he is. There he is. How was the trip up?","David: A lot better than a month at the Scranton Radisson, I'm sure.","Charles: Oh, you know it hasn't been that bad. Hasn't been that bad. These people are the salt of the earth down here. You couldn't ask for a better way to learn a company.","David: Hmmm.","Charles: I feel like I should be thanking you.","David: Uh.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: [makes kissing, puckering sound]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Charles: The conference room is ready if we want to get started.","David: You know, I just want to address everyone first.","Charles: Oh yeah, take your time. Stanley, pay attention.","David: Hi, everyone.","Kelly: Hi.","David: Hi. Uh, look it's no secret--","Kevin: Hi.","David: Hello. Uh, it is no secret that Michael Scott Paper has siphoned off a large chunk of our core business. And I'm here-- I just want to assure everyone that we think this is just a temporary setback.","Charles: Right.","David: Okay?","Phyllis: Maybe, and I don't know, if you had just returned Michael's call none of us would've lost clients.","David: I've been wondering that myself lately. We're just gonna get started, we're gonna figure this out. Rest assured. Jim, can you come in with us please?","Charles: Uh, Jim hold on. [whispers] You know, David, uh, Dwight's been my guy. Okay?","David: Hmm.","Charles: Yeah, Jim--","David: I find that extraordinarily surprising.","Charles: He shows promise and Jim, I don't know-- I-- he's been a disappointment.","David: We'll bring them both in.","Charles: Okay, great. Uh, Dwight come on in. Also, Jim.","Dwight: Come along, afterthought.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: How much can we afford to pay a delivery guy?","Financial Guy: Well, if these numbers you gave me are correct--","Michael: They are correct, sir.","Financial Guy: Then you can't afford to pay him anything.","Michael: Okay. A lame attempt at humor. Swing and a miss.","Financial Guy: Your prices are too low.","Michael: Lowest in town.","Financial Guy: Why do you think Staples and Dunder Mifflin can't match your prices?","Pam: Corporate greed?","Ryan: Look, our price model is fine. I reviewed the numbers myself. Over time with enough volume, we become profitable.","Financial Guy: Yeah, with a fixed cost pricing model that's correct.","Ryan: Yeah.","Financial Guy: But you need to use a variable cost pricing model.","Michael: Okay, sure. Right, so-- why don't you explain what that is to-- so that they can under-- just explain what that is.","Ryan: Explain what you think that is.","Financial Guy: Okay.","Michael: Explain that.","Financial Guy: As you sell more paper and your company grows, so will your costs. For example, delivery man, health care...","Michael: Well, we don't--","Financial Guy: ...business expansion--","Michael: Whatever, yeah.","Financial Guy: At these prices, the more paper you sell, the less money you'll make.","Michael: Our prices are the only thing keeping us in business.","Financial Guy: They're actually putting you out of business.","Michael: Okay, okay. Hold on, hold on. Ty, I would like you to crunch those numbers again.","Ty: It's a program. There's no such thing--","Michael: Just crunch 'em. Just crunch 'em please.","Ty: [presses key on computer] Crunch.","Pam: Did it help?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Hi, Jerry. Michael Scott. Well, this is slightly embarrassing. [laughs] Um, I'm going to have to... ask you to pay me a little bit more money for that delivery we dropped off yesterday. Yeah. We did. We got the check, but we're just going to need a much, much bigger check.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: When a child gets behind the wheel of a car and runs into a tree, You don't blame the child. He didn't know any better. You blame the 30-year-old woman who got in the passenger seat and said, \"Drive, kid. I trust you.\"","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Now, would corporate approve a temporary price reduction for returning customers?","Charles: God, no.","Dwight: Stupid. Yeah, makes us look weak.","Charles: I agree.","Dwight: I say we fill Michael's office with bees. My apiarist owes me a favor.","Jim: Really? Does he do good work or--","Dwight: [scoffs] No, Jim. I use a bad apiarist. [sighs]","David: Fellas, why don't we take a five-minute break and then we will come back, start fresh, sort this out.","Dwight: Five minutes exactly.","Charles: Okay. Hey, Dwight. Can I talk to you?","Dwight: Sure thing.","Charles: Yeah.","Jim: [opens phone] Hey. I saw you called.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim : You're just out of business?","Pam: We have maybe a month. I don't know what I'm gonna do.","Jim: Oh, yeah, well don't worry about it. We'll figure it out. We'll be okay.","Pam: That's what Michael said.","Jim: Oh, yeah. Only this time we will be okay. [cell phone rings; Dwight's voice saying \"Idiot, Idiot, Idiot\"] Oh, that's my new \"Dwight\" ring.","Pam: I like it.","Jim: Good, right? Hello.","Dwight: [over phone] Idiot, we're starting back up. This is Dwight, by the way.","Jim: Oh, okay. [kisses Pam] Don't worry about it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died?","Pam: Steve Martin's not dead, Michael.","Michael: I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. I was wrong. It's this.","Pam: You want to hear something sad?","Michael: I would love that.","Pam: So Jim and I are getting married and the wedding's really expensive. So I tried to get a job on the weekends to earn extra money. I applied to Old Navy, Target and Wal-mart. None of 'em called me back. Not even for an interview.","Ryan: I never went to Thailand.","Pam: Really?","Ryan: I went to Fort Lauderdale.","Michael: Was it nice?","Ryan: Yeah, it was amazing. There was a great Pad Thai place, though.","Michael: I love Pad Thai.","Ryan: You've never had Pad Thai.","Michael: No. There's a lot I haven't done.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Now, this is the projection over three months?","Charles: We still have the inventory sitting-- [everyone starts chattering at once]","Dwight: Let me float something out there, okay? Can I just say-- can I say something?","David: Yeah, yeah.","Dwight: There is a hive of bees outside the front door. We kidnap the queen, extract her alarm pheromones, place them on a flushable wipe, put that in his bathroom.","David: I can't believe I'm about to say this, but the cheapest option... is to make Michael an offer.","Charles: Yes. Yes, I was gonna say the same thing. We should buy him out.","Jim: Oh, but you didn't.","Dwight: Oh, Man! If only Michael had children. That's how you really apply the pressure.","Charles: What is wrong with you?","David: Jim, you're-- you're pretty close with him. You think they'd be up for hearing an offer?","Jim: Oh, I don't know. You know, they've taken a good deal of clients, so--","David: Yeah.","Jim: I mean I guess-- I guess I could go down there and try to nudge them in the right direction.","Dwight: You know what? Why don't I do it, okay? Michael adores me. I'm the man for this job. Charles, you got my back on this?","Charles: No, Jim... I think you should go.","Jim: Okay, so I'll be back in, um-- back in a bit.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [knocking on door] Hmm?","Jim: Hey, can I talk to you guys for a second?","Michael: We're not hiring, Jim.","Jim: Actually here for something else.","Michael: Listen, I can't make you laugh right now.","Jim: You know I love a good guessing game, but why don't I just tell you what I'm here for? Turns out you guys have made a pretty big dent in the Dunder Mifflin sales.","Ryan: Oh, that's nice.","Jim: David Wallace has asked me to come down here and see if you would be interested in Dunder Mifflin buying you out.","Pam: Seriously? Are you being serious?","Ryan: He's bluffing, Pam.","Michael: Jim, what you don't understand is that this company's worthl--","Jim: Oh!","Michael: No-- We don't have--","Jim: Oh! See I'm here to learn as little information as possible. All I really need to hear is if your incredibly successful company would be receptive to a buyout.","Michael: [stammers] Uh... Yes.","Pam: Yes.","Ryan: Maybe.","Jim: Three yeses. I will see you titans of industry upstairs.","Michael: Yes, well, we're not only tight-ends, we are also quarterbacks.","Jim: Missed the last part.","Michael: That's a pun.","Jim: Got it.","Michael: Yep. Oh... wow.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: Okay, so you are not going to reveal in any way that we're broke.","Michael: Of course not.","Ryan: That we're having any problem at all.","Michael: Nope, nope, nope.","Pam: Just to reiterate, none of us is going to say anything that might indicate that we are going broke.","Michael: Right, right. There is no way in hell that I am going to say that we're broke.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Oh, I'm really worried that I'm going to say it.","Pam: No, Michael.","Michael: Ah...","Ryan: No, man. You're-- you're fine.","Pam: We have to come from a position of strength.","Michael: I'm good, I'm good.","Ryan: Just put it out of your mind.","Michael: It is. I'm good.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Hello.","Erin: Hi.","Michael: Michael Scott Paper Company to see Mr. David Wallace. I believe we're expected. [David and Charles walk out of conference room] Well, well, well. How the turntables...","[SCENE_BREAK]","David: Michael, in order to expedite these negotiations, we are prepared to make you a very generous offer.","Michael: And we are prepared to reject that offer.","Ryan: Michael, you haven't even heard--","Michael: Never accept their first offer. What is your second offer?","David: $12,000.","Michael: Are you kidding me? That is insultingly low. I don't even want to hear what your first offer was.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Angela: What do you hear?","Kelly: [mumbles]","[SCENE_BREAK]","David: Here's the situation. Your company is four weeks old. I know this business. I know what suppliers are charging. I know you can't be making very much money. I don't know how your prices are so low, but I know it can't keep up that way. I'm sure you're scared. Probably in debt. This is the best offer you're gonna get.","Michael: I'll see your situation and I'll raise you a situation. Your company is losing clients left and right. You have a stockholder meeting coming up and you're going to have to explain to them why your most profitable branch is bleeding. So they may be looking for a little change in the CFO. So I don't think I need to wait out Dunder Mifflin. I think I just have to wait out you.","David: Okay, now I don't know that I can get this. I do have to go to the board for approval. How's about $60,000. Hmm? $60,0000. Michael?","Michael: [stutters] We'll have to talk--","Charles: What?","Ryan: We'll have to talk about this.","Pam: Mm-hmm.","Michael: Just amongst ourselves.","David: Okay, yes. Please take the room. Be right outside. Take your time.","Michael: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.","Pam: $60,000.","Michael: We are so rich.","Pam: Are you kidding me?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Well, Jerry, the one who got away. May I ask why you're leaving the Michael Scott Paper Company? Really? Please hold. [gets up and runs to kitchen] Charles.","Charles: Dwight.","Dwight: May I have your attention? The Michael Scott Paper Company is broke.","Charles: What? How'd you hear that?","Dwight: They've been calling all of their clients and begging them to pay more money. That can only mean one thing. They're desperate. Which can only mean one thing. They're total failures.","Jim: Great work Dwight.","Dwight: Quiet you.","Jim: No, I mean, great detective work. 'Cause this must be the first case you've ever cracked, right?","Dwight: You don't crack a case. That has pejorative connotation. That's like calling a policeman a cop. You solve a case, and yes, I've solved plenty.","Charles: So how long can they stay viable?","Jim: What are your top five cases?","Dwight: I'm gonna answer Charles first.","Jim: Because you've solved zero cases.","Dwight: Okay, one. Case of the beet bandit. Missing beets from all over the farm. No footprints. Inside job. Mose in socks. Boom, case closed.","Charles: Okay, do not go anywhere near the conference room.","Dwight: Done.","Charles: Because you have embarrassed me for the last time today. Got it?","Dwight: I'm not-- I'm not following you.","Charles: You two are morons.","Jim: Got it.","Dwight: Wh--","Charles: Get out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","David: So you've thought it over, yes, and you accept our offer. We can finally put this whole thing behind us? Hmm?","Michael: No.","Pam: Can you give us another minute please?","David: Yeah.","Charles: Oh, okay.","Pam: Michael.","Ryan: How could you do this to me, Michael? You just cost me $60,000.","Pam: Why are you assuming you'd get the whole thing?","Michael: It's a lot of money, okay. But we need money coming in every week. We need jobs. Wouldn't you rather have a fishing pole than a fish?","Ryan: I would rather have $60,000, honestly.","Pam: No, Michael's right. Jobs are safer.","Michael: Agreed?","Pam: Agreed. But that's all, okay.","Ryan: Yeah, discuss these things--","Michael: Shut up, shut up. Hello?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: I want my old job back. I want my old parking space back. I want a Sebring.","Charles: They don't make them anymore.","Michael: And I want Charles gone.","David: I am not firing Charles. He is very valuable.","Charles: That's very kind of you to say, David.","Michael: I need him gone.","David: No.","Michael: Okay, then I want Pam back.","David: Uh, you already have a new receptionist--","Michael: Sales.","Pam: Thank you.","David: Pam's not a salesperson.","Michael: Yes, she is. At the Michael Scott Paper Company in it's heyday.","Pam: That's right.","David: Okay. Please continue.","Michael: And Ryan.","David: Ryan cost Dunder Mifflin hundreds of thousands of dollars, Michael. Ryan is--","Michael: You know, David. I don't care if Ryan murdered his entire family he is like a son to me.","David: Do you realize what you're asking for here? You're talking about salary plus health benefits--","Michael: And dental this time.","David: Insurance, taxes, social security for three people. This is a heck of a lot more than 60 grand. You're talking about a multi-million dollar buy-out.","Michael: These are our demands.","David: Your company cannot be worth that much.","Michael: Our company is worth nothing. That's the difference between you and I. Business isn't about money to me, David. If tomorrow my company goes under, I will just start another paper company. And then another and another and another. I have no shortage of company names.","David: Michael--","Michael: That's one of 'em! Yes. These are our demands. This is what we want. Our balls are in your court.","David: Okay. Deal. Okay?","Michael: Can we have the room please?","David: Yeah. [David and Charles leave room, Michael shuts the door and closes the blinds]","Ryan: Yes, yes, yes!","Pam: Alright!","Michael: Yes! Can you believe it? That's what I'm talking about!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: There are certain defining moments in a person's life. The day he is born. The day he grows hair. The day he starts a business. And the day he sells that business back to Dunder Mifflin. What have I learned from all of this? It is far too early to tell. I just know that I am flying high and I don't even want to think about it. I just want to enjoy it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Charles: Hey, guys--","Michael: No, no. You're done."],"Show Title":"The Office","Episode Number":"05x25","Episode Title":"Broke","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Office_06x03.json","Recap":["Jim and Michael's management styles clash, especially after David's budget will only allow a small or no raise this year. Chaos in the office relating to this ends up bringing them together. Dwight fails in his attempt to raise allies against Jim. Pam feels awkward asking for cash instead of wedding gifts."],"Transcript":["Dwight: [in Michael's office] Could you please sign my expense report?","Michael: No way, no how. Expense reports are a day-to-day item. That is Jim's now. I am exclusively big picture, epic.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [in Jim's office] Sign this.","Jim: Ah, ah, ah. Where's the \"please\"? We're not animals.","Dwight: Sign it.","Jim: No, not without a \"please.\"","Dwight: Idiot.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [in Michael's office] I have a complaint about Jim.","Michael: That is not big picture.","Dwight: I would like to file a huge, enormous, massive complaint about the tallest guy in our office.","Michael: ... Okay.","Dwight: Jim won't sign my expense report.","Michael: That is not-- okay-- that is day-to-day.","Dwight: No, that is huge.","Michael: You're trying to trick me.","Dwight: This has to do--","Michael: Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [in Jim's office] I'd like to lodge a complaint.","Jim: I'm sorry to hear about that. Who is this about?","Dwight: You!","Jim: Okay. Just want to let you know I take complaints very seriously. So... When did this happen?","Dwight: One minute ago.","Jim: Okay. And how do you feel?","Dwight: Angry.","Jim: All right. Did he hit you?","Dwight: No.","Jim: Did you cry?","Dwight: No.","Jim: Did you feel like crying?","Dwight: No.","Jim: I'm just gonna write \"held back tears.\"","Dwight: Wait, stop writing that. That is not true.","Jim: If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it.","Dwight: I'm not cr-- uhh!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: I deserved that promotion, not Jim. Oh, man. Makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold and force him down to the ground and just keep pressing and pressing. And then flip him over and then put him in a hammer lock! And he's gasping, he's panting! Every last breath! And the crowd is going crazy. And boom! I emerge victorious! [claps hands and stands up] Aha! $18,000 and a chance at the title! Ooh hah!","Erin: [at the door] Dwight, Jim wants you to keep it down.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Everyone, now would be a good time to freshen up, because I'd like everyone to meet in the conference room in five minutes. And I suggest that you bring a snack, because we may be in there for a while.","Jim: Michael...","Michael: Yes?","Jim: Can I talk to you in my office for a second?","Michael: Mmm, sure, but could I first talk to you in my office?","Stanley: Can I also be a boss?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oscar: Look, it doesn't take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: I have noticed that we--","Michael: Welcome.","Jim: Thank you. I've noticed we've been having a lot of conference room meetings.","Michael: Mm-hmm.","Jim: And I'm wondEring if perhaps those are a bit, um--","Michael: Disruptive.","Jim: Yes.","Michael: No, I don't think they are. I think the meetings are very important.","Jim: Okay, maybe we should talk specifics.","Michael: Let's do.","Jim: Okay. Yesterday, we had a meeting about planets.","Michael: N-- well, to be fair, Jim... James... Jimothy... To be fair, Jimothy, the-- ah, that sounds weird. Are you okay with being called Jim?","Jim: I am.","Michael: Alright. Jim, to be fair, the conversation wasn't about planets...","Jim: Right.","Michael: At first, we were talking about introducing a line of toilet paper. And what part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon? So you draw a line from there to the other planets, and I think by the end, we all learned a little bit about how small we are.","Jim: Yes, I agree.","Michael: Because it's a big universe, and we're all just little, tiny specks of dust.","Jim: I just think that maybe they're eating large amounts of the day.","Michael: You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. You go to sleep, it's light out, you wake up, it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea.","Jim: You mean on a weekend?","Michael: Yes.","Jim: How about this? I think our goal should be we don't have meetings unless they're absolutely essential.","Michael: Alright. No more meetings this week.","Jim: Really? You just agreed to that?","Michael: I can be very suprising.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Phyllis: What's going on?","Pam: I need to fit into my wedding dress. However, I'm also pregnant.","Ryan: You know, it's a myth that women have to gain more than nine pounds in a pregnancy. Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight.","Phyllis: Hey, did you guys register for wedding gifts?","Pam: We did, but mostly because people expect us to. We're also accepting other gifts not on the registry... However much.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: It's awkward asking people for money, but we could really use it. Why doesn't Crate & Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Phyllis: Perfect. I hate registries.","Pam: Oh, good.","Phyllis: My cousin makes the most amazing romantic birdhouse mailboxes. I know I shouldn't tell you, but you'll still be suprised when you see it. You're not registered for a birdhouse, are you?","Pam: No, we're not.","Phyllis: Good. Good.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Mm-hmm?","Jim: [walks in, see's Oscar, Stanley, Creed and Kelly sitting in Michaels office] Okay, I thought I saw people missing.","Michael: Yeah, just focus-grouping a product expansion idea to these folks. Got one of each.","Jim: Really? Hey, Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said before I came through the door?","Michael: Stanley, you don't need to answer that.","Jim: Stanley?","Stanley: \"If you don't smell this, you're fired.\"","Jim: Okay, Michael, I thought we agreed to not take up people's time with meetings like these.","Michael: What do you mean by \"these people\"?","Jim: Michael, this is a conference room meeting.","Michael: Oh, hey, everybody, I think that Jim has gone insane, because he thinks that my office is a conference room.","Jim: That's not what I meant.","Michael: Listen, Jim, no offense, but when push comes to shove, what I want is more important that what you want.","Jim: I disagree.","Michael: What do you guys think? [all start talking at the same time]","Jim: Great. Guys, can I just have a moment alone with Michael?","Michael: No, no, no, you don't need to go anywhere. Anything that Jim has to say to me, he can say in front of these types of people.","Jim: That is not what I said, and, also, I am co-manager, meaning you are not the only manager anymore. I am also I co-manager.","Michael: That is not what Wallace told us.","Jim: That's exactly what Wallace told us.","Michael: That is not the way I heard it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kelly: I love rivalries-- Michael or Jim, Paris or Nicole, Heidi or L.C. It's so much fun. But I guess if I'm really thinking about it and answEring your question honestly, I'd have to go with L.C. Heidi's a bad friend, and her skin is terrible.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: It is one thing, me giving you the co-manager title. It is another thing, you bossing me around.","Jim: I'm not bossing you around. I'm trying to do my job, which is sharing your job, so maybe we should just call David Wallace.","Michael: No, no, no. No, we will not call David Wallace. [Michael pulls out his cell phone] I will call David Wallace.","Erin: David Wallace is on line two for you guys.","Michael: Or David Wallace will call us on line two. Why don't we just--","Jim: Hey, David. You got Jim here.","Michael: Hey David, this is Michael, senior co-manager.","David Wallace: Hey guys, um, I'm calling, because, unfortunately, we will not be able to give out cost of living raises this year, and I know people expect it. However, there just is only a small amount of money for each branch, so we're leaving it up to the managers to decide how to distribute it.","Michael: Got it, Dave. Sounds like your classice big-picture decision.","Jim: Which will clearly affect the day-to-day well-being of our employees.","David Wallace: It's probably a little of both.","Michael: Which is it more of?","David Wallace: Excuse me?","Jim: David, I know that I'm very new at this, but I have a very good perspective on how things work.","David Wallace: Wait, I'm sorry. Michael, are you-- are you texting me?","Michael: I thought maybe we could talk after this is over.","David Wallace: Look, I need you both to take care of this. This is not going to be a problem, is it?","Jim: Nope, not at all.","Michael: No, it will not be. I am on top of it.","David Wallace: Very good.","Jim: Alright, thanks alot, David.","Michael: Talk to you later-- [Jim hangs up] Okay, you didn't let me say good-bye. [sighs, and claps hands once] Alright, I am looking forward to this.","Jim: You don't have to lie.","Michael: I hate the fact that we have to do this together. I think we work better separately. When I am irritated and I look at you, I don't see you anymore.","Jim: Right.","Michael: All I can see is how big and gross the pores on your nose are.","Jim: Alright. Let's get started.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Creed: Hey, why haven't we ever, um...","Meredith: We have.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: You know, there's no easy way to do this. I say we add 1.5% to their paychecks and don't say anything about it.","Jim: Do you mean, like break-in in the middle of the night and change the numbers on payroll?","Michael: No, we can do it during the day. It doesn't have to be that dramatic, Jim.","Jim: Okay. You know what would help is a pros and cons list for our options.","Michael: Jim, don't take this the wrong way. Are you gonna take this the wrong way?","Jim: It's hard to tell so far.","Michael: You use your brain too much.","Jim: I'm sorry, are you advocating that I use it less?","Michael: Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all.","Jim: You just came up with that.","Michael: As I was saying it.","Jim: Yeah. Okay, so for the 1.5% increase, pro-- everyone gets a little bit.","Michael: [in nerdy voice] Con-- you look like a nerd.","Jim: Con-- no one gets as much as they did last year.","Michael: Pro-- you get to share your pros and cons list with the other nerds.","Jim: Pro-- no favoritism.","Michael: Con-- you unzip your pants, and you find that there's a calculator down there.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: I've been studying Michael for years, and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart-- [pulls out a pie chart] How Michael spends his time. As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others, and this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. I made it bigger, so that you could see it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kevin: Hey, Pam, I heard that you were registered, but I didn't hear where.","Pam: I don't think we registered anywhere. We just want cash.","Kevin: Like money? Like you-- you want my money?","Pam: Mm-hmm.","Kevin: Will you take a check?","Pam: Yeah.","Kevin: Cool. In the memo line, I'm gonna write, \"To love's eternal glory.\"","Pam: Okay.","Kevin: Wait til' Monday.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: Is this what I've become? Materialistic? Shallow? I feel horrible. [looks down at the check] oh look! \"Mrs. Pam Halpert!\" That's the first time I've seen it in writing!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: You know, the more I think about it, the more I think we should give it to the salesmen.","Michael: That will not go over well.","Jim: I know. I just think it seems smart to keep the salesmen happy right now. 'Course I know that this might come off as biased, so you know what? Let us...","Michael: Oh, my God! Are you gonna make another pro and con list? I'm gonna kill myself.","Jim: I'm not gonna let you stop me from thinking.","Michael: No! I could not do that, Jim. I can see it in your crusty little eyes that you are going to make everything perfect. If I can just think this through, if I could just think it exactly right, I can make this perfect, and then I can go down every avenue, and every avenue off of that avenue, and then another avenue.","Jim: Michael.","Michael: And then another--","Jim: Look, you have a lot of strengths.","Michael: Oh, I do?! Tell me what they are.","Jim: I think that you are able to take constructive criticism very well.","Michael: Ha! That-- I am not known for that!","Jim: But there is a reason why I'm here!","Michael: Yes! You went over my head to Wallace!","Jim: No, it's because you also have a lot of weaknesses, Michael!","Michael: Okay. Well, why don't you tell me what those are, Jim? Why don't you enliven me?","Jim: I don't think you're good at making tough decisions!","Michael: Ah.","Jim: At thinking out the options, and then stating that decision very clearly, especially when it's an unpopular decision.","Michael: Okay, here's a tough decision for you. You suck! You suck! Is that clear enough for you?!","Jim: But maybe I'm here for a reason, because I might have some good ideas, too. I've been sitting out there, and I've been learning a lot, and maybe I can just bring something different to the table.","Michael: Okay, Skippy, here we go. Why don't you run yourself out there and tell them? [laughs] You call it.","Jim: [leave the conference room to address everyone]","Michael: [to the camera] This had better be terrible.","Jim: Could I have everyone's attention, please? I have some tough news, so I'm just gonna give it to you straight. Truth is, we only have so much money for raises this year, so the simple fact is some people will get raises, and some people won't. Now, what we've decided is, we are gonna give those raises to the sales staff.","Meredith: Wait. Seriously?!","Jim: Look, you guys are smart, so I'm just leveling with you. I'm just trying to treat you like adults.","Oscar: Thank you, Jim, for thinking that we're smart people.","Angela: But, I do not understand. If we're such smart adults, then why don't we get raises?","Oscar: Excellent question, genius. It's because Jim wants to give the raises to his friends and the people he sleeps with.","Jim: Ooh, easy. That's not it at all.","Oscar: Well?","Jim: Really what it is, is about the money the sales staff brings into the office.","Kelly: [walks in from shopping, with bags in her hands] What's going on?","Kevin: Jim is only giving raises to the salesmen.","Kelly: What the hell?! Why are you being such a jerk?!","Oscar: Hold on, Kelly. Would it help you to know that Jim thinks you're smart?","Kelly: No! [put's down her bags] How is that gonna repair Ryan's car?!","Dwight: This is ridiculous! How could he do this to us?!","Jim: Okay, Dwight, you know what? You'd be getting the raise so--","Dwight: What about all these people, huh?! How is it fair to them?!","Oscar: Exactly!","Kevin: Totally!","Oscar: We work just as hard as the sales people. We deserve raises.","Creed: Yes.","Angela: Yes. They don't get 'em, if we don't get 'em!","Meredith: My kid needs shoes! You want to tell him he doesn't get shoes?!","Kevin: Yeah.","Dwight: Her kid needs shoes, Jim!","Meredith: What the hell?! [everyone complaining at Jim]","Jim: Wow! I'm just gonna rewind and back off a bit, so... [imitates a tape rewinding and chuckles, Michael comes over by Jim laughing]","Michael: That was good! That was good! Okay, all right. Well, we all know it's hard to be a boss, right? You know what? Look around you. These are your best friends. These are the people who will open their hearts to you. They all have heart-ons for you [someone growns in disgust], and that is a gift. So in terms of gifts, we should be giving each other gifts. Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar. This--","Angela: What are you talking about Michael?","Stanley: We just need to hear your plan for our raise.","Michael: My plan-- a man-- panama.","Andy: That's not how that goes.","Meredith: You're not saying anything. At least Jim was being direct...","Jim: Thank you, Meredith.","Meredith: ...when he was telling us his dumbass plan.","Oscar: We would just like to know what's happening. Are we getting a raise, yes or no?","Michael: Alright! Let me get this clear! Does everybody want a raise? [all say yes] Alright, everyone wants a raise, so what we're going to do is go into here, and we will not come out until we do.","Oscar: Again, that gives us no information.","Phyllis: This isn't a game, you know? It's our livelihood!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: What about a raise based on merit?","Jim: Rank each person individually?","Michael: Mm-hmm. Piece of cake. Ryan, obviously the best.","Jim: [sarcastically] Well, obviously. Too bad he's a temp and doesn't count, so let's get started. [starts to write on a piece of paper]","Michael: Are you making a--","Jim: Nope. I'm numbering the paper.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oscar: [everyone talking to the camera] Just--","Kevin: Yeah, I don't understand how they can even consider giving money to some people and not the rest of us.","Angela: It's not like we're not gonna see the checks. We're in accounting!","Meredith: I am so pissed at this company!","Dwight: [out the side of his mouth] And Jim!","Meredith: Yeah. Who said that?","Dwight: I think it was Creed.","Creed: Yep.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: [to camera] It's going really well, actually.","Jim: [to camera, holds up a bean] Each Boston Baked Bean represents half a percent raise. We each got 24 beans, so the idea is, you place the bean on the picture [walking around the table] of who you think deserv-- who's that? [picture that Michael drew of toby, looks like a monster]","Michael: Toby.","Jim: He's not a part of this. You know that.","Michael: Just wanted to draw a picture of him.","Jim: Okay, your move.","Michael: Alright! Who to pick? [walking around the table] Who to pick?","Jim: Here we go.","Michael: I... will skip a turn.","Jim: Okay, you're gonna still have to play that bean. You know that.","Michael: I need more time.","Erin: Wallace sent an e-mail about a meeting next week. He wants you both to respond. [Michael and Jim leave, Dwight sneaks in]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. It's great. Eventually, they'll rise up and revolt. My only hope is that they do it sooner rather than later. If the people here were our founding fathers, the Revolutionary War would have been delayed ten years, because Stanley Washington was napping, and Phyllis Hancock was still signing the declaration, and Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Come on in. [everyone looking around at all the pictures and beans on the table] That's right. Come in, feast your eyes. They determine our worth by putting beans upon our faces.","Oscar: What the hell?!","Dwight: Things were not this bad when just Michael was manager.","Michael: Hey, what are you guys doing in here?","Kevin: What does a bean mean?","Pam: Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me?","Kevin: Michael, what does a bean mean?","Pam: Jim?","Jim: I was just trying to be unbiased.","Kevin: What does a bean mean?!","Oscar: Someone please explain it to Kevin.","Meredith: Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours.","Phyllis: Not according to the beans.","Angela: This is how you make this important decision?","Andy: There's no way that Stanley gets more beans than me. [starts to take Stanley's beans, Stanley swats Andy's hand with his crossword puzzle] That is ridiculous. This is how it works. [everyone continues to argue]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Phyllis: It's not so much that I might not get a raise. It's just demeaning!","Andy: Thank you! That is exactly-- by the way, I would also like a raise.","Phyllis: Yeah, I would, too.","Dwight: Are we idiots? [gets up, starts walking around] What right does Jim have to claim authority, hmm? Is he as good a salesman as I? Is he as matronly as Phyllis? There are moments where we can affect change. For a few seconds every decade, we exist, and these are those seconds! Let us storm his castle! Come on! Tick-- let's get him. Tock-- let's get Jim! Tick-- and drag Jim out of his office! Tock-- take his keys away from him! Tick-- that's a clock! The time is getting very close! It's now or never! What say you?!","Phyllis: I say no.","Dwight: No, I mean, what do you say to my plan? [all groan] Okay.","Michael: [leaving his office, hurrying to Jim's office]","Kevin: What does a bean mean?","Michael: [in Jim's office] How you doing?","Jim: Uh, on a scale of one to ten, I'd say I'm about a four.","Michael: Oh, what are you usually?","Jim: Six. You?","Michael: Usually a ten, but I'm feeling like a zero.","Jim: I mean, a performance-based raise sounded like a good idea, right?","Michael: I know, I know.","Jim: We tried to find the fairest way to do it.","Michael: Yes, we did.","Jim: I just-- what?","Michael: Um, nothing. I just... I used to have to do this part alone, and it was the worst. I have something I would like to give you. [leaves office]","Phyllis: Michael!","Kevin: Michael!","Phyllis: Come on! This isn't fair!","Jim: [to camera] Michael's my only friend left in the office. Except Pam... I think. Is she still upset?","Phyllis: [at Michael return to Jim's office] Michael, you cannot just keep avoiding us like this!","Jim: [Michael give Jim a \"World's Best Boss\" mug] Thank you.","Michael: You're welcome.","Jim: What's in here?","Michael: Gin. [toast, sip]","Jim: Ooh!","Michael: [someone knocks] Just pretend we're not here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: Heard you guys are looking for cash for the wedding?","Pam: Yeah, I mean, if it's all the same for you.","Ryan: Question for you. Would you guys rather have $100 now, or $5,000 a year from now?","Pam: $100 now for sure.","Ryan: Because you just give me $50 to cover the broker fee, I put in a hundred of my own money as the gift...","Pam: Yeah. No, no, I'll um-- the hundred. I'll just take the hundred.","Ryan: Instead of $5,000 a year from now?","Pam: How sure is this?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: The guy has an algorithm to determine the winner of any given college basketball game.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: [writes a check, gives to Ryan] Don't tell Jim."],"Show Title":"The Office","Episode Number":"06x03","Episode Title":"The Promotion","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Office_07x03.json","Recap":["Andy lands a role in a local production of Sweeney Todd and invites the entire office to the performance, hoping to impress Erin, but she offers to babysit for Jim and Pam instead, hoping to get a start in the babysitter career. While Michael struggles to put his jealousy aside in regard to not being cast in the play, Jim and Pam have trouble with their less-than-stellar babysitter. Angela and Dwight continue to have a contract to uphold."],"Transcript":["Erin: Andy? [Andy starts boombox and begins singing 'The Ballad of Sweeney Todd']","Jim: Yes! [as other costumed actors come in and join Andy in song]","Erin: Did you write this?","Andy: No.","Erin: Who did?","Andy: Steven Sondheim.","Erin: Who is he? [rest of Sweeney Todd cast enters and continues singing]","Angela: What the hell is happening?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: We're the cast of Sweeney Todd[\/b]: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. We open in a couple weeks at the Loose Screw Playhouse here in Scranton and today just doing a wee bit of viral marketing.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [cheers loudly after cast finishes singing song] That was amazing! That was awesome! I auditioned for this. When did the cast list go up?","Andy: Like a month ago.","Michael: Really? They didn't call me. Who am I playing? ...Andy?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Two comps. For my lady and her Gabe. It's closing night. Tomorrow we have to give the theater over to the Scranton's Miss Fitness pageant.","Erin: I am so excited. But I just need one. Gabe can't come. Sorry.","Andy: What? That's awful. Everyone's gonna miss that guy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Gabe is not coming, which is huge because my plan is to make Erin fall back in love with me tonight. Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: Oh, who else is going?","Andy: Everyone.","Erin: Gabe seemed to think no one was going.","Andy: What kind of terrible rumor monger is Gabe? He is woefully misinformed, all right? Excuse me, clink, clink, clink, clink, everybody. You're all coming to my show tonight, right?","Michael: Andy, what time's the show?","Andy: 8pm sharp.","Michael: How long is it?","Andy: Hour forty-five.","Michael: Nope, can't make it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: They say that no one can take your pride, but the people who cast Andy's play, they took mine.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Jim, Pam, you guys are in, right?","Pam: Oh, we wanted to, but our sitter just fell through. I'm really sorry.","Andy: Dwight?","Dwight: Uh, no, thank you. Last time I went to the theater, a man dressed as a cat sat on my lap.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: It would mean so much to me if you came to my show tonight.","Michael: I can't Andy, it's too hard. That's-I put everything I had into that audition. Do you understand that?","Andy: If it makes you feel any better, no one who auditioned for the part of Sweeney Todd got that part. They had to bring in a ringer.","Michael: Wow.","Andy: This guy's like world-class. You should not feel bad. I'm asking you thespian to thespian. Will you please be the bigger man and come to my show?","Michael: I wish I could, Andy, but I can't. I have plans that night. I'm going to see a friend in a play called Sweeney Todd. You're that friend. I'm going to see your play.","Andy: Noishe!","Michael: And scene.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Angela: Listen, I would like you to take me to Andy's play tonight.","Dwight: Please, waste of time. You know what? Let's just knock this out right now. Disrobe.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Angela? Don't like her anymore. Not attracted to her anymore. Just contractually obligated to make a baby with her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Give me the punch card.","Angela: No. If you want to punch the punch card, you have to take me to the show.","Dwight: That is not in the contract.","Angela: Well, there's a lot of gray area in that clause. Do you want to re-mediate?","Dwight: Alright, fine. I'll go to your little show, but I'm not wearing a cape.","Angela: Thank you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Angela: Dwight and I have a contractual agreement to procreate five times, plain and simple. And should he develop feelings for me, well, that would be permissible under item 7C, clause 2, so I would not object. [faint smile]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Hey, how are those salads?","Jim: It's my own fault-","Andy: My parents used to scramble to find babysitters so they could take my younger brother to do stuff. I understand how hard it can be. I just-tonight, if you could...","Pam: We'll keep looking.","Andy: Yes!","Jim: Really?","Pam: I mean, who knows? Maybe I have a niece my family never told me about.","Andy: Oh my gosh, that would be amazing.","Pam: Yeah.","Jim: For a lot of reasons.","Andy: Yeah, I know. Neiche!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Oh, hey guys.","Stanley: You brought balloons to a play?","Michael: I did, because I am being the bigger man, and balloons are bigger than flowers.","Phyllis: It's nice, like Up.","Michael: Yes.","Usher: Excuse me, are you the guy who did an entire Law & Order episode for his audition?","Michael: Nope.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Guys?","All: Hey! Andy!","Andy: You all made it, thank you so much.","Jim: You should actually thank Erin, she's the one who agreed to babysit.","Andy: She's babysitting?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: I really wanted to see Andy's play, because he's so, so talented. But I've been trying to get in the babysitting game forever. The thirteen-year-olds in this town have a complete monopoly. It's almost like a babysitters club.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: I understand. This is, like, huge opportunity for her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [trying to stuff balloons below the seats] This is ridiculous. You'd think they'd discourage people from bringing in balloons.","Darryl: Hey, I think this guy playing Sweeney Todd is my plumber.","Michael: No, Darryl. This guy's a world-class actor. He doesn't daylight as your plumber.","Darryl: No, it's my plumber. Says so in his bio. Apparently the director discovered him doing karaoke. It's his first play. He didn't even audition.","Michael: Are you kidding me?","Darryl: Shhh. If we don't listen to the overture, we won't recognize the musical themes when they come back later.","Michael: All right, I'm sorry. God.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Usher: Excuse me, I think you may be in the wrong seats. [Jim and Pam move a few rows back, next to Michael]","Kelly: Ooooh!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [whispering to man sitting beside him] I work with that guy.","Angela: [after taking her gum out] Ugh! There's gum on the seat and now it's on my work skirt. I have to go change.","Dwight: Too bad I'm not gonna explain anything that you miss.","Angela: Oh, Dwight, just move.","Dwight: [whispering to man sitting beside him] His name's Andy. He's a terrible salesman.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kelly: What time is it? [Ryan pulls up a large analog clock on his iPad]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Shelby: Michael! Shelby Thomas Weemes, the director.","Michael: Hello.","Shelby: I promise you that if you keep auditioning with similar gusto...","Michael: Okay.","Shelby: We are going to find a production with a role for Michael Scott.","Michael: Okay.","Shelby: Yes?","Michael: Yes.","Shelby: Good.","Michael: Good.","Shelby: Enjoy the second act.","Michael: You enjoy the second act.","Shelby: Have a refreshment.","Michael: Thank you. You, too. [steals a bottle of wine from the bar]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Angela: Come on, Dwight.","Dwight: Why are you dressed like a seed catalogue model?","Angela: These are just my dirty old gardening clothes. They were all that I had in my car.","Dwight: Let's go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: Hey, Erin, it's Pam. How ya doing? No, no, don't put Cece on the phone, because she can't talk yet. Okay. No, I was just calling to see how everything's going. Yeah? Yeah? It's good? The play? The play is kind of great. I mean, it's fun to hear Andy sing in the appropriate setting. Now, he's really sorry you couldn't make it, too. Yeah. So thank you so much, again. We're having a great time. Oh, they're flashing the lights so we should go in. Thanks. Bye. Okay, so we called. And everything's fine!","Jim: Everything's fine.","Pam: We can relax.","Jim: We can relax. Let's get our Sweeney on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Meredith: [seeing Michael drink from wine bottle] Michael! [bottle gets passed around by Darryl, Meredith and Kevin]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Just checking my e-mails. See if I got any last-minute \"break a legs\" or \"I still love you\" type texts. Doesn't look like I got anything. Maybe on my Facebook wall.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Creed: [on cell phone] Unfortunately, in this ham-fisted production of Sweeney Todd, the real terror comes from the vocal performances. New paragraph.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Mr. Todd! Mr. Todd! I found her!","Sweeney Todd: You found Johanna.","Andy: That monster of a judge has locked her-[cell phone chiming]. Locked her away. [phone continues ringing]","Sweeney Todd: There's a little bird fluttering around. Do hope it ceases chirping. [audience laughs]","Michael: How is that funny?","Sweeney Todd: The bird continues to call. Someone please turn off your... bird. Oh, for the love-turn your phone off! There are signs!","Andy: Oh, it appears the bird was in mine own pocket this whole time. He's gone to sleep now, I've closed his beak. [Michael laughs]","Sweeney Todd: What is the news of my darling daughter Johanna?","Andy: [text message chime] You know what? Let me just double check, that bird... Okay, good. It's off. I mean, silenced. I silenced it by killing it. I've killed it! I'm a murderer! Just like you, Sweeney Todd. See, it all connects. Not that I know you're a murderer. My character doesn't know that yet. But I'm suspicious, because of all the razors that you have laying around. And you spend time alone. But you're a barber, so that's legit. So there's that. But...","Sweeney Todd: [yelling] Where is Johanna?","Andy: A madhouse.","Sweeney Todd: A madhouse?","Andy: Yes, a madhouse.","Sweeney Todd: A madhouse? Johanna is as good as rescued. Where do you suppose all the wig makes of London go to obtain their human hair? [Michael tips over wine bottle, which noisily rolls down the theater, and accidentally lets go of balloons]","Andy: Do you think... [bottle rolling] so you think... [bottle rolling, clanking]","Sweeney Todd: Fogg's Asylum , why not? [balloon pops, Kelly screams and baby starts crying]","Pam: Sounds like Cece.","Jim: Okay, I think everybody just needs to relax.","Pam: [sees Erin holding Cece] Oh, my God! Go, go!","Jim: Oh, my God.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: [excited] That's really irresponsible of Erin. She's a terrible babysitter.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: I just didn't think that you guys were gonna see us. We were just gonna stop by and get some ice cream and then go home.","Jim: Okay, this was pretty simple-","Pam: Why are you here?","Jim: [overlapping with Pam] Really, all you had to do was play with her for, like, 30 minutes and then put her to bed.","Pam: What possible explanation could you have for possibly being here? I don't... you know, babies shouldn't have ice cream, by the way.","Erin: I'm sorry. I just really wanted to see Andy. You guys made it sound so unmissable, and you set me up with a car seat and everything.","Jim: Well, the car seat was to take her to the hospital, or...","Erin: Oh, no, why would I take her to the hospital?","Pam: You know what? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.","Erin: Why don't I just take her home and let you guys finish, and then you should stay out as late as you want.","Jim: No, we're good. Thank you, though.","Erin: Okay. Alright, bye Cece.","Pam: Okay.","Jim: Alright, well, we're never leaving the house again.","Pam: Not together!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [during curtain call for Sweeney Todd] Boo! Boo!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Angela: That was more horrifying than Nunsense.","Dwight: All that singing got in the way of some perfectly good murders.","Angela: Where's my car? Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Mmm! Fruit is so much better when it's dried. I've already eaten, like, 30 apricots.","Sweeney Todd: Darryl?","Darryl: Hey!","Sweeney Todd: Didn't know you were gonna be here. How's the toilet?","Darryl: Silent. Look, congratulations.","Sweeney Todd: Thank you.","Darryl: I had no idea. This plumber has pipes!","Michael: Yeah, good job. Well done.","Sweeney Todd: You're the guy who booed me.","Michael: Hmm? No, there were a lot of people booing you. I wasn't one of em.","Sweeney Todd: No, I saw you, and you were the only one.","Michael: Get your eyes checked, chucklehead.","Creed: Be cool, Michael. I saw this guy kill a bunch of people. Good work.","Sweeney Todd: Thank you.","Darryl: You didn't have to boo him.","Michael: Well, he was getting a lot of applause, and I just didn't think it was indicative of how people were really feeling.","Darryl: How would you like it if we booed you?","Michael: That would never happen.","Darryl: Boo! Boo!","Michael: Okay. I appreciate the feedback.","Darryl: Boo! Boo!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: I don't like that at all.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Are you ready?","Erin: Yes. Oh, I'm so scared! Okay, kill me! Just kill me! Kill me!","Andy: [pretends to slit her throat] Ah! Blood everywhere.","Erin: Oh, no. I'm so glad we're hanging out again outside of work.","Andy: Yeah, me, too.","Erin: Okay, I kill you now.","Andy: Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: All right, let's do this.","Angela: No, actually, Dwight, I didn't realize how far this walk was, and I-I'm exhausted.","Dwight: It's okay, I smell.","Angela: No, no, no, no. I think I just want to go home, but it's okay. This can count as one of your times.","Dwight: No, no, no. Contractually we're obligated to have s*x.","Angela: Well, I won't tell if you don't.","Dwight: I will tell. I will tell the mediator. What-what are you... [Angela reaches into his pocket] Ok. Oh, was that in the way? Get rid of it. [Angela pulls out hole-punch and punches the card]","Angela: Good night, Dwight.","Dwight: Good night.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: These would have been your seats. Best seats in the house. Lots of people think it would be the front row, but actually, right here, this is where the speakers converge, and the sound just, like, nails you right here.","Erin: This is awesome. [cell phone rings] Sorry. Hi, Gabe. Yeah, I just stopped by Andy's cast party to say hi to everyone. Oh, sure, I can pick you up some soup. What do you want? That's broth, Gabe. Okay, I-I'll see you soup. [hangs up] Okay, I have to go. Thank you so much. This is so much fun, and I'm really sorry that I missed your play, but next time I'll be there. Or here. Right here, I promise.","Andy: Awesome.","Erin: Okay.","Andy: See you later.","Erin: Thank you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: [attempting to move car seat] It's like The Hurt Locker!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: This night was a disaster.","Jim: No, it was not a disaster. It was weird, but it wasn't a disaster. I think we have, like, a gift bottle of Irish cream.","Pam: Yeah?","Jim: We could put that in orange juice.","Pam: Get it.","Jim: Yeah?","Pam: Let's get our juice on.","Jim: Yeah!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Phyllis: Found him!","Michael: Hey, what's going on here? Post-show blues?","Andy: Yeah, I guess you could say that.","Michael: Yeah, I get those every day after work.","Phyllis: Your show was really great, Andy.","Stanley: Interesting subject matter. I'm surprised you pulled it off.","Andy: It was like amateur hour.","Oscar: It was an amateur production, technically.","Michael: Oscar. Enough with the sass, please. God! What is wrong with you? Andy, listen to me. Look me in the eye. I thought that you were awesome.","Andy: Stop just saying that.","Michael: I am not just saying that. You can trust that I am telling you the truth. I booed someone tonight. I have no filter. And if I thought you were terrible, I would have booed. And if I thought you had done a better job, I would be saying nicer things right now. But I thought that you were exactly awesome. No better, no worse.","Andy: Thank you. That feels good.","Michael: I did not say that to make you feel good. I just said it. Total integrity.","Darryl: Andy, sing us another song.","Andy: Thanks, but I feel like a loner right now.","Phyllis: Oh, come on, Andy, you were the highlight.","Michael: Come on, Andy, seriously.","All: Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!","Andy: Okay, all right, all right, all right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: [sings Macy Gray's \"I Try\" and everyone joins in]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: In the criminal justice system, the people are defended by two separate but equally important groups, the police who investigate the crimes and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories. Kun-kun! [imitates vacuum cleaner] I'm just a cleaning lady. Aah! A dead body. He wrapped his belt around his own neck. It looks like a classic case of autoerotic asphyxiation. Yeah, looks like everyone's tightening their belts in this economy. [humming theme music] Last time you saw the victim, was he happy? Last time I saw this John, he was-he wasn't a victim, if you know what I'm talkin about.","Shelby: Thanks you.","Michael: No, that was- I'm just getting into the first act."],"Show Title":"The Office","Episode Number":"07x03","Episode Title":"Andy's Play","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Office_07x21.json","Recap":["Michael trains his office replacement, Deangelo ( Will Ferrell ), for hosting the Dundie Awards. Meanwhile, Erin deals with her dislike of her boyfriend, Gabe. Michael gets treated to a special song as a farewell present from the entire office."],"Transcript":["Michael: It is six a.m. [DeAngelo yawns] and we are about to go house to house to give everyone their Dundie Nomination Certificates. Just like the Oscars!","DeAngelo: Yes, and this happens every...?","Michael: Every year! This happens, you have a lot to learn my friend. [DeAngelo laughs]","DeAngelo: Well, you know, why don't we try it, and if it goes good it'll be part of my tradition.","Michael: Why do you always say that? You're gonna love it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [arriving at the first house] Alright let's go! [DeAngelo runs in the wrong direction] This way, this way! [Michael knocks on the door]","DeAngelo: Thanks.","Michael: Surprise!","DeAngelo: Congratulations!","Jim: Yep, okay...","Michael: You and Pam have both been nominated for Dundie Awards!","Jim: Okay.","Michael: [holds up a camera and DeAngelo meows] Here we go! Have Pam come down.","Jim: No she doesn't wa- She's not here.","Pam: What's going on?","Jim: Stay in bed!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [next house] Congratulations!","Stanley: Have you lost your mind! Get off my property before I call the police!","Michael: We got it.","DeAngelo: Uh, leave it at the door or...?","Michael: Yeah that's fine.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [next house] Hey Toby! You suck! [throwing eggs at his house]","DeAngelo: Is this an employee of ours?","Michael: [giggles] Go go go go go go!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [arriving at a dumpy looking, unkempt house] I've never seen this place in the daylight.","DeAngelo: It reminds me of Katrina.","Michael: Here we go, alright got it? Set? [the door is ajar, Michael knocks lightly] Hello? [turns around to see Meredith walking towards her house]","Meredith: I'm so busted! Walk of shame!","DeAngelo: Do you usually leave your door unlocked? And ajar?","Meredith: Ahh, Nice! I got a Dundie nomination!","Michael: Yes you did. That's right! Congratulations Meredith. We should head out.","Meredith: No no no! You guys stay! No no no! I have Vienna Sausages and I have napkins. [walks into her house] Let me fix you breakfast!","DeAngelo: [whispers] I'm not going in there.","Michael: [quietly shuts the door] Go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [walking into the office] Good morning Erin.","Erin: Oh hey, didn't see you.","Michael: You have big plans for tonight?","Erin: I don't know, maybe volunteer at the shelter, or go to bed, or... I don't know. Maybe I'm going to the Dundies!! [Flashes her Nomination Certificate]","Michael: You are getting so funny! [Erin giggles] Very good.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: The Dundies are my baby, and they need to go on. When Larry King died they didn't just cancel his show. They got Pierce Morgan to come in, and do his show, and, that way, Larry lives on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Anything can happen at the Dundies! [DeAngelo laughs] They're like the Golden Globes but less mean. And I just want all of us to have a good time!","Dwight: Just a little announcement folks, remember, the Dundies is a black tie affair.","Michael: Black tie optional.","Dwight: Every day is black tie optional!","Michael: A la, tonight we will be hosting at Louie Volpies!","Kevin: Nice! [rest of the office looks excited]","Phyllis: I love their breadsticks!","Pam: Oh, their breadsticks are like crack!","Ryan: I love when people say like crack when they've obviously never done crack.","Pam: Well the breadsticks are like what then, Ryan, what can I use?","Ryan: I don't know, something from your world. The breadsticks are like scrapbooking.","Pam: You're right, you're right. I'm a middle class broad. [Jim does his \"Jim face\"]","Michael: Shh, shh! Okay, okay. Everybody's right. They're like breadsticks on steroids. Right?","Ryan: Yeah that's great.","Michael: So as you know, the Dundies are my legacy. So I'm going to need to train a replacement. So this year, I have decided to have a co-host. [Dwight looks suspecting] And that person is [he and DeAngelo roll their tongues as a drum roll] DeAngelo! [all applaud]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Always the padawan, never the Jedi.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DeAngelo: Thank you Michael, uh, but I will have to pass.","Michael: Think of it as part of your training.","DeAngelo: Not much of a performer, unless you count singing in the shower. Boy, okay...","Michael: [smiling] Okay, well we'll work on it.","DeAngelo: [whispers to Michael] Michael, I'm very, very bad.","Michael: You are doing it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [all in conference room] Guys! I want you to help us work on some banter.","Kevin: Yes! I love banter. But I hate witty banter.","Michael: Here we go! So, DeAngelo! You and I have a lot in common. You lost two hundred pounds, and I lose my car keys every morning.","DeAngelo: That is true, we do share some similarities. I know how you can fix one of those problems, for me it was portion control. For you, you need a key chain. Maybe one with a-","Michael: [cutting him off] Okay, okay. You know what, I didn't actually lose my keys...","DeAngelo: This did not happen.","Michael: Mmmmkay. There needs to be what you call a rat-a-tat. And right now it's all rat and no tat. Ryan come on up here. Tap DeAngelo out. Just watch this. Okay. [Ryan stands next to Michael up front] Ryan how are you today?","Ryan: Why don't you ask my therapist, my mom certainly pays her enough.","Michael: [very excited] There you go! Lovely! Regis and Kelly! Nice! Use that as an inspiration. Just be funny.","DeAngelo: Uhhh, you sir! [points to Jim] Are we having fun tonight?","Jim: Having a great time.","DeAngelo: Oh good!","Jim: Thanks, yeah.","DeAngelo: Where were you on September 11th?","Michael: No! God! [Jim looks at him oddly]","DeAngelo: This is so weird! If I'm conducting a meeting, good to go. But if I think of it as a performance... I-I fall apart. Obviously.","Andy: Why don't you think of hosting the Dundies like you're just running a meeting.","Michael: No, no, no! This is the performance of your life!","Jim: Why don't you just, privately, in your own head, think of it like a meeting.","Michael: Jim, please no loopholes.","Darryl: Mike, why do you have to control how he perceives it in his mind?","Michael: This is my last Dundies ever, if I want mind control over him, is that too much to ask?","[SCENE_BREAK]","DeAngelo: [laying down, Michael is sitting on DeAngelo's stomach bouncing up and down in Michael's office] Me mo. Me mo.","Michael: Good. Good. Good!","DeAngelo: Meee Mo, Mee!","Michael: Now, tell me something terrible that happened in your childhood.","DeAngelo: When I was very young, my mother divorced my father and I had to go to court and choose between them.","Michael: [getting off his stomach] Too personal. I don't wanna hear about it. [picking up a portable tape player] Let's try this. Put these on. [DeAngelo puts the headphones in] I am going to turn this on, and turn the volume all the way up. So you can't- [DeAngelo winces] That's right, you're not going to be able to hear yourself. Read this, [gives him a card] and make it sound perfect.","DeAngelo: THE DUNDIES ARE-OW-ABOUT COMING TOGETHER! AND RECOGNIZING, THE ADOMINABILITY OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT! [Jim comes and closes the door]","Michael: Say it with an accent!","DeAngelo: [bad Australian accent attempt] THE DUNDIES!","Michael: [also in a poor Australian accent] The Dundies!","DeAngelo: THE DUNDIES!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: [Jim and Pam are walking outside] I just don't understand the desire to push sweet potato fries on me, and not just regular fries.","Pam: Yeah... [they see Erin eating in her car, and ducking when they see her. Pam knocks on her car window] Hey, Erin, everything okay?","Erin: Get away from the car, he's gonna see you.","Jim: Who's gonna see us?","Erin: [desperately] Just get in! Get in! Just get in!","Jim: Get in the car? [Jim and Pam get in the back seat]","Erin: Please! Sorry. Get in. [Jim and Pam are confused and worried] Sorry sorry sorry.","Pam: What's wrong?","Erin: I eat lunch in the car now. It's my alone time. It's just nice to have some time away from Gabe.","Pam: Why don't you wanna eat lunch with your boyfriend?","Erin: I, really don't like spending time with him.","Pam: Don't you think it's better to tell him the truth now? You know, rather than waste more of his time?","Jim: I think I'm gonna go.","Pam: What?","Jim: I think you got this. Kay? [Erin nods] Alright. Feel better!","Erin: Thank you Jim.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: I'm sorry, that just wasn't interesting to me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: I can't just dump him Pam, I'm not like you, I can't be mean.","Pam: Wait, when am I...? You just have to be clear and firm. You know, just tell him you don't love him. Just be honest with him. [Erin nods]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [standing by the Louie Volpies entrance greeting people and giving them menus]","Kevin: [walks in] Hi!","Dwight: Appalling. [Meredith walks in] Eye sore. [Jim and Pam come in] Surprisingly adequate! Okay everyone! The activities commence in four seconds!","Erin: DeAngelo, Jo's on the phone for you.","DeAngelo: Hello?","\"Jo\": [Michael dressed as Jo Bennett, using a bad Southern accent] DeAngelo! We're in serious horse manure here! The Dundies are tonight! And we ain't got no host!","DeAngelo: Oh no!","\"Jo\": Luckily I have someone for you!","DeAngelo: Billy Crystal?","\"Jo\": Better.","DeAngelo: Neil Patrick Harris?","\"Jo\": He's in Little Shop of Horrors on Broadway. Now we need Michael Scott! The best darn Dundies host on both sides of the Mississippi! [everyone in the audience is laughing]","DeAngelo: Ughhh, I gotta find Michael Scott! And then I gotta, [Russel Brand impression] Get Him to the Dundies!","DeAngelo: [in the office near the accountants] Hey, can you help me find Michael Scott Angela?","\"Angela\": [Michael is wearing a blond wig, talking in a high obnoxious voice] My boyfriend can, he's a state senator.","Audience: [laughing]","DeAngelo: Mmhmm.","Angela: Oh wait, he can't help because that title has no meaning!","Oscar: [laughing]","Oscar: Try Jim DeAngelo, he'll be able to help.","DeAngelo: Jim! Do you know where I can find Michael Scott?","\"Jim\": [Michael is wearing a wig that is very close to Jim's actual hair, and he is wearing fake earrings, and speaking in a punk-ish deep voice] I totally don't know where Michael is, dude, hey you wanna listen to some records?","Jim: [shaking head at the camera]","DeAngelo: No one is listening to me! And I'm running out of time!","\"Phyllis\": [Micheal dressed as Phyllis, pretending to knit] Well, what are you talking about? [cracking noise] Ohh! Ohh! [falls onto the ground] I've fallen and I can't get up!","DeAngelo: Maybe I just need to look into my heart. [in the bathroom in front of the mirror] DeAngelo, where is Michael Scott. [his reflection in the mirror turns around to reveal that it is Michael]","Michael: I'm here. [DeAngelo gasps and turns around] In a good way! I've been here the whole time.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oscar: The analytical part of me wants to examine it, but I know it has no content.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Ladies and gentlemen, please stand up for you co-host this evening, Michael Gary Scott. [Michael comes running up to stage as people applaud] Please remain standing for your other co-host, and new manager, DeAngelo Jeremitrius Vickers! [DeAngelo presents himself, and changes his mind and runs off] Was that part of the...?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [in the bathroom] DeAngelo, what are you doing? There's a live audience out there!","DeAngelo: Go do it by yourself, get Ryan.","Michael: No, Ryan would never do it. It's too on the radar. Look, look. The boss, hosts, the Dundies! It's sort of our perk!","DeAngelo: This was not, part of the job description!","Michael: Listen to me, you're not doing this for me, you're not doing this for you, you're not even doing this for them!","DeAngelo: Who am I doing this for?","Michael: [slaps him] You're doing this for all those kids out there, eating off the Louie Volpies kid's menu, wondering: Does it get better? What I want you to do, is I want you to say: It's showtime. Get out there.","DeAngelo: I can't. [Michael slaps him again]","Michael: Say it.","DeAngelo: Stop, hitting me.","Michael: You can do it, just say it.","DeAngelo: Hit me again. [Michael slaps him once more]","Michael: Now hit me. [DeAngelo slaps him] One, two, three.","Together: It's showtime.","Michael: Alright, here we go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Okay! Okay! Sorry about the delay everybody! But we were at the DMV waiting in line. [everyone laughs]","DeAngelo: Fall asleep right after s*x. Huh guys?","Jim: Nope, go back to the script.","Michael: There are a lot of great salesmen in this office, but one of our great salesmen is also a great dad. And a close personal friend of mine, Jim Halpert! Best Dad Dundie! [Dwight plays a celebratory honking noise on his keyboard]","Jim: Wow! I do not parent for the award but I gotta tell you It feels pretty good. Uh, Cece, if you're watching this at home it's way past your bedtime, by the way how'd this get televised?","Michael: Well done.","Jim: I don't know maybe being a good dad is just all in your own compass. I don't know, I don't know. Thank you!","Michael : Alright. [all applaud Jim]","Pam: You didn't think to mention me huh?","Jim: Didn't I?","Michael: Which moves us to, Best Mom Dundie. [Pam gets ready and Jim smiles at her] I guess we all kinda consider her a mom around the office. Meredith Palmer!","Meredith: [jogs up and makes out with Michael, who is unwilling] Tell ya one thing, I'm not gonna be a good mom tonight! Whooo!","Dwight: Excuse me, can I get a photo of the Best Mom and the Best Dad please?","Jim: I gotta go do this.","Pam: [annoyed] Why?","Dwight: Big smiles folks! There they are.","Michael: Year after year, I catch a lot of flak on this particular award, because year after year I present this award to a guy instead of a girl. Hottest in the office goes to, [Ryan stands up] Danny Cordray! [Ryan quickly sits] Danny couldn't be here tonight...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ryan: How do I feel about not winning Hottest in the Office this year? Uhm, I'm very relieved. How do you, how do you judge something like that? What is the criteria even? It's, it's so subjective.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: Stanley Hudson is a grump, everybody knows that. [Stanley looks angry] But did you know, that Stanley Hudson is also the face of a debilitating disease known as diabetes. The Diabetes Award goes to Stanley Hudson! [Stanley slowly walks over, angry] Come on up here you sick b*st*rd.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Phyllis: I have diabetes too. You don't see me making a big deal about it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DeAngelo: They say he's going to be my right hand man, adlib masturbation joke. [realizing he wasn't supposed to read that directly off the cue card, speaks quietly] No, I hate this, I hate it so much. [loud again] Dwight Schrute! Please accept this promising Assistant Manager Dundie. [people clap as Dwight takes the microphone, he is obviously unenthused] Thank you, thank you so much. I would like to thank something that we, uh, take for granted in our daily lives. And that is the humble trashcan. [Creed nods] This is for you trashcan! [walks off and throws the Dundie into the trashcan]","Manager: [the manager of Louie Volpies approaches a giggling Kevin, who is coloring with crayons on the tablecloth] Who gave you those crayons?","Kevin: I brought them from home! Do you have a red?","Manager: This is a cloth tablecloth! You can't color on it!","Kevin: Oh really? [camera shows that Kevin has drawn a house on the tablecloth.","Michael: You know, herpes affects one in five sexually active adults? [manager looks up, angrily at Michael] Pippy Longstocking, Ronald McDonald's wife, Ron Howard, Ron Weasley, what do thay all have in common? Red heads. Erin Hannon, come on up here and receive your Cutest Red Head in the Office Award! [Erin looks thrilled and walks up to the stage]","Meredith: That is bull! [throws her Dundie]","Erin: Thank you, thank you! This is the first award I've ever won in my entire life. [Gabe and Andy smile at her] People are right about the Dundies, they are magical. But, I don't feel it. And I think that's because I'm not with the right person. Gabe, we should break up.","Gabe: What?","Erin: I'm not attracted to you. I just, I cringe when you talk. I have to be honest. Right, right Pam? [Pam looks very awkward] Thank you for hearing me.","Gabe: [stands up and walks to stage, takes the microphone] Well, this is embarrassing, um, I'm obviously really angry at Erin. It's that quarter life crisis everyone's been talking about. [Jim is looking wide eyed, jaw dropped] Alright I'm gonna go. [Dwight plays cricket noises]","Michael: [escorts Erin off stage] There you go.","Darryl: Damn that was cold.","Michael: It is difficult to recognize the person who will be replacing you. But he is a good guy, so the Michael Scott Award for Best Dundies Host goes to DeAngelo Vickers. [DeAngelo jogs up and takes the Dundie and tries to go back to his seat]","Audience: Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!","DeAngelo: Hold on, hold on one second. [puts on the headphones and turns the volume up all the way] I WANNA, I WANNA, I FEEL TRULY BLESSED! UHHH, TO BE WORKING WITH ALL OF YOU! BEFORE THIS ALL STARTED, FUNNY STORY, I WAS IN THE BATHROOM, VOMITTING, AND VOMITTING IN THE MEN'S ROOM!","Manager: Okay, okay. [trying to stop him from offending other people in his restaurant]","DeAngelo: THAT'S WHY IT'S BEEN SHUT DOWN FOR MOST OF THE EVENING...","Michael: [stopping Manager] DeAngelo is expressing himself. [manager pulls the microphone cable, everyone can still here DeAngelo.","DeAngelo: This is truly special, for me! And uh, anyway. It's so much lighter!","Michael: Okay, we're done! That's it.","DeAngelo: Michael, are we?!","Michael: We're done. We're done!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [Outside of the restaurant, obviously sad] So that is how it ends. My last Dundies ever. I was hoping it'd be more like Godfather Three. That rapped up the whole franchise in an extremely satisfying way. But instead it is like Godfather One! That was, very confusing, had maybe three big laughs. Oh well...","Pam: Michael, we were thinking maybe we could keep this thing going!","Michael: What?","DeAngelo: I know I'm the cause of this royal screw up but I would like to see this show go on.","Michael: No, no. You're being too hard on yourself. We had a very truncated rehearsal time.","Pam: Let's grab some ice cream, go back to the office, and finish what we started. [others nod in agreement]","Michael: So what you're saying is you kinda like it? [Phyllis impression] I've fallen and I can't get up! [normal again] That Phyllis bit, that was pretty good.","Jim: I don't know that we need to dissect it all now, but-","Michael: That got a big laugh.","Jim: That did. Pretty huge laugh.","Michael: [to Stanley, who is cracking up again] You were laughing right?","Stanley: I was.","[SCENE_BREAK]","DeAngelo: [with Dwight and Michael outside Michael's car] You know what, I have to go to the bathroom.","Michael: We're really close.","DeAngelo: I can just run over to the gas station.","Dwight: We should just wait here and not get good seats in the conference room?","Michael: That's true, we wouldn't get seats together.","DeAngelo: Okay, fine I'll hold it.","Michael: [in the car] You know, despite a couple hiccups, I think that went very well.","Dwight: I thought it was the worst Dundies I've ever been to.","Michael: Man! Maybe you should have won the Kind of a Bitch Award.","Dwight: Gladly! I'd accept that award, because a bitch, is a female dog!","DeAngelo: [as Michael pulls over and stops the car] Please don't stop so suddenly, the seatbelt is pressing on my bladder. Why are you even wearing a seatbelt, you're sitting in the backseat, baby.","Michael: What is your problem?!","Dwight: I just don't see a point in the Dundies! Okay? The jokes are terrible, the venue is bad, the fashion is boring.","Michael: Okay! That, that is unfair! The clothing was safe, but tasteful.","Dwight: And next time, why don't you pick a co-host, that doesn't have microphone-a-phobia!","DeAngelo: [very uncomfortable] Look, what ever you're going to do, how long is it going to take? Ballpark. 'Cause I just, I gotta make a decision here. [gets out and slams the door]","Michael: He is in an all-out sprint.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [in conference room] Here... [Andy walks in] Okay! By his own omission, this person actually tried marijuana in college, so the Doobie Doobie Pothead Stoner of the Year Award goes to, Andy Bernard! [Andy walks up]","Andy: A lot of people I'd like to thank, but I think we all actually wanna thank you Michael.","Michael: Oh, okay. [nods to him]","Andy: I mean, we actually all really wanna thank you, for everything.","Darryl: [starts playing the tune to Seasons of Love while Andy sits down]","Michael: Oh my God, something's happening.","Andy: [singing] Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! We actually sat down, and did the math.","All: Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! That's how many minutes, that you've worked here.","Pam: In costumes!","Jim: And impressions!","Toby: In meetings.","Erin and Kelly: And cups of coffee.","Kevin: For birthdays!","Stanley: More meetings and-","Women: E-Mail forms you made us read.","All: Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! That's like watching Die Hard, eighty thousand times!","Meredith: You hit me with your car!","Ryan: You helped me get off drugs!","Creed: I watch you when you sleep.","Oscar: I forgive you for kissing me!","All: Remember to, call. Call. Remember to, call. Call. Remember to, call. Call.","Kelly and Erin: Call, text or e-mail, or call.","DeAngelo: [falsetto] Measure your life in love!","All: Remember to call, remember to, call. Remember to call.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Michael: [choked up] Yeah, okay. [pauses, then takes a deep breath] Well this is gonna hurt like a mother[bleep].","[SCENE_BREAK]","DeAngelo: [recall to Dundies at Louie Volpies] Every day, millions of Americans suffer from extreme repulsiveness. Someone in our midst, is bringing that problem to light. Toby Flenderson, please come up here and accept the Extreme Repulsiveness Award. Oh that's so mean!","Michael: No it's not.","Oscar: [Toby is shaking his head, no] It's his last Dundies.","Jim: You gotta play along man.","Oscar: Come on Toby.","Michael: Here he comes! Alright! You deserve it! [Toby comes up and take the mic]","Toby: I really disagree with this. I think it's kind of hateful. Though I am a little happy right now to have a platform to talk about the outcome of a case I was recently a juror on. The Scranton Strangler. That man's being put to death. I was part of the verdict, and I'm not so sure he's guilty any more. [Dwight plays a clip from the song Oh Yeah[\/b]: Ohhhh yeah! Chica chicaaa]"],"Show Title":"The Office","Episode Number":"07x21","Episode Title":"Michael's Last Dundies","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Office_08x02.json","Recap":["Robert challenges the Dunder Mifflin staffers to double their sales. Andy decides to create an incentive program; he promises the office that he will tattoo a picture of their choosing on his buttocks if they meet the sales quota, which they do in only one day. The office then makes Andy get a tattoo of a puppy. Pam Halpert ( Jenna Fischer ) becomes unlikely friends with Angela Lipton ( Angela Kinsey ), who is also pregnant."],"Transcript":["Jim: Hey, so this isn't matching up with this...and I'm not sure which one's right. Can you just hunt down the original for me?","Kevin: Yes. Me do.","Jim: Alright.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Hey Kev, what were you saying before about the paperwork?","Kevin: Me do it now. Go. Stop worry.","Pam: Kevin, do you feel OK?","Kevin: Me feel good. Body strong. Sleep big last night.","Pam: Yeah, I think we should get him to the hospital.","Jim: Yeah, alright Kev why don't you come with us?","Oscar: No, guys.","Angela: No, he's fine.","Oscar: He's fine.","Angela: He's always been like that.","Pam: No he hasn't.","Angela: I mean, he's gotten worse over the years....","Oscar: He's making a statement. It's an ironic comment on our expectations of him. A funhouse image of our model of Kevin.","Kevin: You keep think that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kevin: Me mechanic not speak English. But he know what me mean when me say \"car no go\", and we best friends. So me think: why waste time, say lot word when few word do trick?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Kevin, I appreciate what you're trying to do.","Kevin: Thank.","Andy: Here, we have a word code, the same way we have a dress code. And what we're talking about is...basically the speech equivalent... to just wearing underpants. Sometimes words, you no need use...but need need for talk talk.","Kevin: But save time. More success.","Jim: Does it save time though? 'Cause we've been here for about an hour.","Kevin: No me fault.","Pam: Kevin, at most you're saving a microscopic amount of time.","Kevin: Many small time make big time.","Andy: What are you gonna do with all this time?","Kevin: See world.","Pam: Kevin, you cannot possibly save enough time to see the world.","Jim: K, Kevin, are you saying \"See the world\"? or \"Sea World?\"","Kevin: See world. Oceans. Fish. Jump. China.","Jim: No, see? Right there, that's the problem with your method. 'Cause I still don't know if you're saying \"Sea World\" or \"see the world,\" and it's taking a lot of time to explain it.","Kevin: Fine, fine. I'll talk normally.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kevin: When me President, they see. [Nodding and smiling] They see.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: This week we are rolling out the brand new Sabre tablet....the Pyramid. [holds up triangle shaped touch pad]","Phyllis: Ooh, why is it shaped like that?","Dwight: So, you can tell your clients: \"Unleash the power of the pyramid.\"","Pam: It's huge. How much does it weigh?","Dwight: Oh no no no. Without the battery pack and optional memory booster, it's barely three pounds.","Ryan: How much memory does it have without the booster?","Dwight: Fifty L.","Ryan: I'm sorry,\" L\"?","Jim: How many L to a K?","Dwight: You're really going to want the booster.","Stanley: How on earth are we supposed to sell...?","Jim: I'll take five.","[Andy walks in with ties on his arm]","Phyllis: Andy, don't make us sell this stupid thing.","Andy: Oh, no no no no no. This is Dwight's meeting.","Dwight: Thank you.","Andy: I just wanted to pop in and get your opinions on ties...and tie clips. Which combo do you think Robert is going to like more? [To Oscar] What do you think, C-SPAN?","Oscar: ...\"C-SPAN\"?","Andy: Yeah. C-SPAN, cocker spaniel. Spaniel because of your Spanish bloodline and cocker cause......","Dwight: Is this really the best use of our collective time?","Andy: I am still forming a first impression with Robert. Once it is formed, we can all relax. Ok, I'm sorry to hijack your meeting , D dub dog...had to pull rank.","Dwight: [to group] OK, let's look at some ties.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Here's how I'm going to help out from now on. I'm going to not care, and I'm going to sit around quietly waiting for Andy's inevitable demise.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [To Oscar] Your friend Neil Patrick Harris really made me laugh the other night.","Erin: Um, D-Dog, you have a message.","Pam: Erin, you don't need to call him that.","Erin: Andy wants us to, P-Dog.","Darryl: It's ok E-Dog, just who called?","Erin: Justine. She said she's coming by later.","Jim: Your ex-wife?","Kevin: Wait, I thought she was a **** and you ******* hated her guts?","[Group murmurs, offended]","Darryl: No no no no. I like her.","Kevin: Well I'm just quoting you. I would never say that about her. I don't know the woman.","Darryl: Nah man, we get along now. Real well.","Jim: Wow. Alright. Can't wait to meet her.","Darryl: I'll introduce you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Darryl: Yeah, we had a few fights, I suppose. But last night we put a lot of that to bed. I can't tell you what I did with my ex wife last night.... I have to sing it. [singing] We took a shower, we were naked. We ska dap dap doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: [to Robert California] Hi Dad!...... Ahhh....oh boy.","Robert: Hello, Andy. Excellent tie.","Erin: Would you be requiring a cold beverage while you're here?","Robert: I'd love some coffee.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Robert: I was looking over your projections, and I think we can do better.","Andy: Are you factoring in the... whole national ...economy.... declining and all that?","Robert: Andy, do you know why I chose you?","Andy: I think I can sum it up with what I think is your favorite ice cream flavor....vanilla?","Robert: Vanilla? No no no no. You'll never guess in a million billion years you'll never guess.","Andy: You were saying you chose me.... There was a reason?","Robert: Andy, can you inspire? Do you have that skill set?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Can I inspire? [laughs] I don't know!.....I don't know.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Erin enters with overflowing cup of coffee]","Robert: Oh! Thank you. Uh....","Erin: Oh, sorry.","Robert: You can just put it down.","Erin: Oh","[Erin sets cup down and Robert sips it]","Robert: That is very cold.","Erin: Yeah. It's old. [smiling]","Robert: Why would I.....?","Erin: I asked if you wanted a cold beverage and you said \"coffee\"....","Andy: Why don't we get Robert a nice hot fresh cup and I will have this.","Erin: Andy, you don't want that.","Andy: I've been craving a freezing cup of old coffee. [sips] Mmm....","Erin: Sorry.","Robert: You like her.","Andy: I do.","Robert: She likes you.","Andy: You know, we've both been into each other at different times and just never really synced up. Now we're in this weird dance....","Robert: [interrupting] I'm afraid you've lost my interest.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oscar: Let me call you back.","Meredith: I gotta go.","Robert: If the office superstore was supposed to put us little suppliers out of business, why are we still here?","[Kevin Raises hand]","Robert: Ah...","Kevin: This is where we go","Robert: [chuckling] Oh, you'd go someplace else. That's not it, that's not the answer.","Kevin: It's a answer.","Robert: It's a wrong answer.","Kevin: There are no wrong answers.","Robert: Take a look at where you are, where you once worked in a dying industry, you now work at it's birth. Those superstores are terrified of us. Anybody know why?","Phyllis: Wait....they're terrified?","Robert: Let me tell you how I buy something these days. I know what I want I go on the internet, I get the best price. Or I don't know what I want and I go to a small store that can help me. The era of personal service is back. You are back. You'll find that customers will pay our higher prices and then they will thank us, and we will say to them \"you are welcome.\" [Applause] Andrew, I chose you for a reason. Lead these people. Show me the best numbers this place has ever seen. Last quarter we saw 4% growth. Double it.","Andy: You got it.","Robert: Double.","Andy: Done.","Robert: I'm not kidding.","Andy: Neither am I, it's already done. Hah, I'm just kidding, it's going to take some time.","Robert: Double.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Andy knocks on Jim's desk]","Jim: Hey. [Andy pushes things aside and sits on top of Jim's desk, kicking things in the process.]","Andy: What's up, guys? Just thought we'd have a little rap session, talk about business...see how things are going? Ahem...","Jim: Why don't you start?","Andy: If no one else wants to? I was just thinking about Robert...man. What a boss. Just throws down goals, you know? Anyway, how's the sales doubling ...project going?","Phyllis: Yeah, how are we supposed to do that? We can't just press a magic button.","Andy: OF course not. There's no magic button. You have to summon that.","Stanley: If we could just double our sales, we already would have. You're not making any sense.","Jim: He brings up two good points. Do you have any new leads? Any new territories you want us to look into? Maybe have an in with a big client that we can get our foot in the door?","Andy: Dwight, anything?","Dwight: We could talk about how fast children grow up, and before you know it they're out of the house.","Andy: You know what? We need to get our heads out of the box. If we did have something, what would it look like, what would it be? [Jim raises hand] Tuna.","Jim: New leads, a new territory to look into, maybe an in with a big company that we could get our foot in the door...","Andy: Fart..... good Sesh. [gets up] That leg's asleep.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Justine: Hello. I'm looking for Darryl Philbin?","Kevin: Don't! oh, you must think...I'm not. I'm using the fax, this isn't, no wait. I'm not supposed to represent the company. Right? There's usually an Erin here.","Justine: Ok....?","Kevin: So...DARRYL! A GIRL!","Darryl: [Singing] rub a dub dub...I got scrubbed. 'Sup, darlin'? Everybody, this is Justine. [murmurs of hello from the group] This is Jim and Oscar, everybody.","Meredith: Hi.","Kevin: Kevin.","Justine: Can we.... go some place private?","Darryl: Follow me, I got a space. After you. I've been thinking about you all mornin'. I don't know what you did, I can barely walk today.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: D-Bone. There you are.","Dwight: Let me guess, somebody needs a brownie...? Lick the spoon?","Andy: No, that's ok. Just, I want, I wanted to ask you about...","Dwight: Is this about the profits? Because if it is I just don't see the point. It's so Wall Street.","Andy: I know, right?","Dwight: Right?","Andy: Yeah...um, how is everything?","Dwight: Good. Really really good.","Andy: Must be a tough time to be a family farm.","Dwight: Oh, it is. And beets are not immune. We made some inroads in salads, but heirloom tomatoes are pushing back.","Andy: Oof. What are you gonna do about that?","Dwight: I don't know, what do you mean?","Andy: There's gotta be some way you can double your beet sales...","Dwight: You wanted the job, the job is yours. Just do the job! [Licks brownie battered finger] And I'll do mine..... walnuts?","Kevin: No!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Angela: Have you seen this? [Hands Pam Parenting magazine]","Pam: Parenting? Yeah. This is Cici's favorite magazine. She loves the pictures of babies.","Jim: She looks at it when she's on the potty, and she makes the faces.","Angela: Have you read it? Has an adult member of your family read this particular issue?","Pam: I flipped through it.","Angela: So you saw the article on the importance of taking frequent walks while you're pregnant?","Pam: Of course.","Jim: We know that.","Pam: Yeah.","Angela: I will be taking a morning walk and an afternoon walk. Would you like to join me?","Pam: That sounds nice.","Angela: Great.[Angela walks away]","Jim: You have a walking buddy.","Pam: I do.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Thanks for coming in guys.","Phyllis: You don't have to thank us for coming in, it's our job.","Andy: Well I never got thanked for coming into a meeting and I always wanted to be so I'm gonna thank people.","Meredith: What's with the blanket?","[Andy removes blanket over table to reveal various items]","Andy: This is what's under the blanket.","Oscar: We don't get it.","Andy: These are incentives. It's how we're gonna double growth. Now, you're probably all asking yourselves: \"Well, how does this work?\"","Pam: Seems like a basic reward system where you give us points, and then we redeem those points for prizes.","Andy: You're exactly right and you get a point.","Pam: Oh. [smiling]","Ryan: Uh, is that a vibrator?","Andy: Twenty points.","Meredith: How does one get a point?","Andy: I've outlined the exact parameters in an email, so check your spam folders, but basically you do your job better, you get points. So, collect fifteen points and redeem them for this polar bear.","Kelly: Why is it all kid stuff and a vibrator? It's so gross.","Andy: There's lots of stuff. John Irving, collected works, Twenty-two points. Or, you can pool your points and redeem fifty-five for this maternity shirt.","Stanley: How 'bout you want us to work harder, pay us more.","Andy: I can't.","Kelly: This point system is really insulting.","Andy: Ooh I didn't mean to offend you, and I hope you'll forgive me because I am very very... Sari. [tosses yellow print material over shoulder] Sixteen points.","Kelly: That's a tablecloth.","Jim: What if we went all the way up to five hundred points?","Andy: That's a crazy amount of points.","Jim: But, what if?","Andy: Well, what do you want?","Jim: I don't know, for such a crazy number I'd like something pretty crazy.","Andy: Alright. For five hundred points, I will wear a dress to work. [laughter]","Jim: That's pretty good. What about uh, for a thousand points?","Andy: I'll run naked through the parking lot with a donut on my ding-dong. [laughter] Yeah? You like that? Alright! For five thousand points, I will let you tattoo whatever you want on the stern of the old SS Bernard![Andy points to his rear-end]","Group: Ooooh!","Oscar: Really?","Jim: Alright, alright. And you are totally serious?","Andy: Swear to God, hope to die. Now let's get to work!","Jim: Wait. You did say we could pool our points, right? In that case...let's get to work.","Dwight: Yeah!","Pam: Yeah! Whoo! [Group cheers]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: [on the phone]I can have it to you by the beginning of next week. Alright? Thanks very much. [hangs up] Uh, Phyllis! Bracken Auto?","Phyllis:[hands Jim folder] Ask for Donald, Karen's bananas.","Jim: Ok.","Andy: T-bag bone...","Jim: Andrew.","Andy: Have you noticed a little bit of a mood shift around here?","Jim: No, I didn't notice anything.","Andy: Really? Because I sat next to Stanley for years....and this is nap time. Open eye nap time. He balances the phone on his shoulder and just powers down. Now look at him.","Stanley: [On the phone] You've got to unleash the power of the Pyramid!","Jim: I don't know what to tell you, man.","Andy: You think it has something to do with that incentive program?","Jim: Oh, one hundred percent. We all want to see you tattoo your ass.","Andy: Bah...I think people thought I was kidding when I said that.","Jim: Nah, you definitely weren't kidding. And that came across loud and clear. Oh, by the way, I want to hand this in. [hands Andy slip of paper]","Andy: Hundred and twenty points.","Jim: Yeah. Big sale. Don't worry about it though, I don't really care about the points. I would like a point receipt though...[on phone] Hey! Yes, this is Jim Halpert calling for Donald...can you hold on for one second? Thank you very much. [gets up to give Erin his point receipt]","Pam: Who talked to Maggie at Kaufman's?","Erin: Yes! [adds receipt to growing pile and thumbs up Andy.]","Jim: [on the phone]and I'm back. How are you sir?....I think we can squeeze a couple more golf games in, right?","Pam: Where's Angela? [Hands paper over her shoulder]","Andy: Hey Kevin, what are you doing?","Kevin: Don't talk to me! [Everyone continues to work busily]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: [on phone] Hi, Professor Frank, Andy Bernard, class of '95. Hey there, um, I'm a huge fan of your management book, Management. Um, quick question. I may be missing a chapter here...De-Incentivizing. What are your strategies? Looking for a real blow to morale...uh why? Well, um I guess you could say I'm in one of those classic ass tattoo incentive situations. [laughs]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Erin fills in drawing showing points, crowd cheers and claps]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Took 'em one day.","Pam: Ready! [flips sketch pad showing tattoo possibilities] \"I'm not as think as you drunk I am!\" [crowd claps and cheers]","Ryan: I like it, I like it! [Pam flips the page]","Pam: Do Not Resuscitate...[mild cheering]","Andy: OK, keep in mind, it's not too late to choose another prize and there are some great new additions. My car [nervous laughter] for a thousand points....or best offer.","Phyllis: What else you got?","Pam: Oh, and then this was Phyllis's idea...[shocked cheers] So nasty Phyllis!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: We were hoping you could do something like this...","Tattoo Artist: So, coming out of his butt is a...","Pam: Baby.","Tattoo Artist: Baby...","Pam: Yes.","Tattoo Artist: Yeah, no problem.","Andy: We should think about this...does anyone have any better ideas?","Stanley: I like what we have.","Meredith: Looks good.","Erin: Yeah.","Kevin: For sure.","[murmurs from group in agreement]","Andy: Just need a second outside.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Gettin' psyched up?","Andy: Yeah.","Jim: Andy, nobody really expects you to go through with this...","Andy: Tunes..what am I doing here? Why did Robert pick me? ....Confession: I don't know what I'm doing.","Jim: I mean, do you like it? You having fun? [Andy snorts, unsure how to answer] Tell you this, everybody else is having a lot of fun....and you did that.","Andy: My ass is only so big, I mean I can't do this everyday.","Jim: But I think it's big enough to buy you some time till your next great idea....which, by the way, I can't wait for.","Andy: No one expects me to go through with this, right?","Jim: Absolutely not.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Let's ink...my stink! [crowd cheers]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: My heart belongs to music. But my ass belongs to these people.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Andy removes his pants]","Group: Whoa!","Andy: [lying on table] Do your worst!","Tattoo Artist: Uh, you can keep your pants on actually...if just drop 'em down a bit, that'd be great.","Andy: They are already off, my good sir.","Tattoo Artist: I'd really prefer they not be down.","Andy: Well, I think down's better. Sweating pretty heavily down there.","Pam: Do you think you could work from this? [showing Tattoo artist sketch pad] we made some small adjustments.","Tattoo Artist: OK, you want me to...","Pam: Just a few adjustments","Tattoo Artist: Alright, let's begin.","Andy: This is where I grin and be-YOW OW!","Tattoo Artist: That was just the cotton swab.","Andy: Invest in softer cotton, sir. [tattooing begins] OW! Oh! Oooh! [Crowd cheers] oh, whoa!!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Obviously you can go the ass tattoo route and obviously, I'm gonna like it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: DRAW SOME BLOOD!","Andy: AHHHHH!!!!!!!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Robert: Why did I choose Andy to run the office? Because he's all surface, uncomplicated. What you see is what you get. Could be a recipe for mediocrity, yes, but then again, it might just be why people fight for him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: [removes tape to reveal tattoo of puppy] It's a Nard Dog! [group cheers] That's my nickity-name! I love it, I love it!","Jim: Pull up your pants.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Robert: There's something about an underdog that really inspires...the unexceptional.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: Um, what should we talk about?","Angela: Well, we could talk about an ethical dilemma I'm having.","Pam: Oh yeah, sure. Um, I hope I can help.","Angela: A coworker of mine is drinking caffeine while pregnant, and I don't know if I should call social services about it.","Pam: Angela, that's pretty transparently me.","Angela: Maybe.","Pam: You know it's just herbal tea.","Angela: In mugs with trace amounts of coffee!","Pam: Yeah. I think you should call social services.","Angela: I already did.","Pam: You know, maybe we should just have our own pregnancies and not pretend like we're in this together.","Angela: Fine.","Pam: Fine."],"Show Title":"The Office","Episode Number":"08x02","Episode Title":"The Incentive","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Office_08x18.json","Recap":["When California reveals he hates Nellie's business plan, Jim swings into action to keep Dwight from getting fired. Jim eventually delays Dwight long enough, and Packer-who takes Dwight's place at the meeting with California-is fired instead of Dwight. Andy learns that Erin is not going to return to Scranton."],"Transcript":["Andy: [exiting office] Everyone stop what you're doing, I have terrible news. Dwight is no longer with us.","Everyone: [gasps] What?! Why is that?","Andy: He's gone, damn it! He's been promoted to VP of Sabre Retail and he's staying in Florida forever.","Angela: So, he's alive.","Andy: Yeah. That was him on the phone. He sounds wonderful.","Angela: Well, the way you said it made it sound like he was dead.","Andy: How could I have been more clear? He had a massive stroke [slight pause] of good fortune and he is now in a better place.","Phyllis: If Dwight's not coming back, does that mean we can open his treasure?","Oscar: You guys, we've gone over this, there is no treasure. [Erin retrieves the \"treasure box\" and slams it down on Dwight's desk]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oscar: When the team left for Tallahassee, Dwight told everyone not to touch his treasure. [cut to Dwight holding treasure chest and telling the office \"Don't touch my treasure. Ok, you understand?\"] Obviously he wants us to obsess about it. There's nothing in there. [has realization] Which is obviously what he would want us to think, making it the perfect place to hide a treasure. Oh god, I'm Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: I think that Dwight wanted us to realize that this conversation among friends is the true treasure. [everyone disagrees]","Oscar: I am dying to know what's in there.","Andy: Yeah, I know, Oscar we all are but nobody's gonna open it. You'd have to be insane. [everyone turns to look at Creed]","Creed: Hi, hello.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: [to Creed standing in front of the \"treasure box\"] Now, carefully... open the box.","Creed: [opens box, pulls out and displays contents] It's a photo of all of us.","Pam: Aw, that's so sweet! [dart fires out of box and lodges in ceiling]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [feigning surprise] A dart? Are you kidding me? Who would put a poison dart, well, I mean, I don't know that it's poison. I mean, I just have to imagine. God, I'm glad he's OK though. Kinda sounds like he deserved it, opening another man's treasure and all. Wow!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [on a golf course] Well, mister ball, it's been a pleasure. Now, give my regards to hell. Da! [hits ball]","Nellie: Oh, all right! Well swung my VIP VP.","Robert California: I am loving the chemistry between you two.","Nellie: I am so happy Dwight is gonna be working alongside me. We are a regular Archibald and his man George.","Robert California: I bet. I'm excited.","Nellie: Trick... there's no such thing. It's not even a real English duo.","Dwight: Ah!","Nellie: I just made you look like the goat of Dover. And that doesn't exist either.","Dwight: [to Robert] You think you're excited? You should feel my nipples. [Robert gives a fake laugh]","Jim: Oh, that reminds me. [reaching into golf cart] Little something from all of us. [hand Dwight a small wrapped gift]","Dwight: [sarcastically] Oh my gosh, thank you Jim, that's so thoughtful. [sets gift on golf tee] Four! [smashes gift] Oh yeah!","Nellie: He doesn't even care.","Dwight: Don't even care!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: This is the last time I'll ever see Dwight. It's a weird feeling, it's, um, what's the word? It's not, it's not bittersweet. It's uh... sweet. Yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Darryl: [entering Andy's office] Hey, man. Selling cookies for Jada. Want the same as last year?","Andy: Would if I could. And I can so I will. Put me down for one box. Don't care what it is, dealer's choice.","Darryl: I'll put you down for shortbreads.","Andy: Damn it.","Toby: [entering Andy's office] Knock, knock. Hey, Sasha's first year in the troops, so I'm selling cookies for her. Anyway, would you like some?","Darryl: No. No.","Toby: What?","Darryl: I been selling here for five years. This is my spot.","Toby: You can't claim territories. This is the only place I interact with people. Can't you sell at your church or barber shop? [Darryl looks hurt] Or chess club, or?","Darryl: You know what? It's your first time, let's split the office. You can have sales, the annex, Creed, and I don't know I'll just take, uh, accounting.","Toby: That's it? Yeah, well, ok. Thanks Darryl.","Darryl: OK, great.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Darryl: [exits Andy's office smiling] All I need is Kevin. Dude buys more cookies than everyone combined and then some. [Kevin waves at him] When I first started selling cookies he was a relatively thin man. Not a thin man, mind you. Relatively thin.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: [entering a home carrying groceries] Hellosi, I'm home, babaloo.","Elderly Woman: [rises from chair] Oh, here let me help.","Erin: [spilling groceries] I got it. It was so busy at the store today. Really good cheese samples. I had, like, a hundred.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: Irene hired me as her live-in helper. We met at the store launch. I told her I was moving here and I needed a place and it just sort of made sense. I basically do everything for her. [Erin randomly adds an assortment of pills to a weekly pill box] I run errands. I do chores around the house. I cook and clean. Honestly, I don't know how she survived without me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Irene: When can I introduce you to my grandson? He's a wonderful swimmer. Shallow end, deep end. He does it all.","Erin: Well, today might be kind of tough, Irene. I have to talk to my old boss, Andy, and tell him I'm staying in Florida. [hands Irene a mug]","Irene: [takes mug] Thank you. [takes a sip] Oh, what kind of tea is this?","Erin: Oh, I boiled some Gatorade.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nellie: [misses putt] Ah. In England, they put the holes a little bit to the right, you see. We'll just chalk it up to cultural bias.","Robert California: If I may, [assists Nellie] try holding the putter... yeah, with your wrists here. And your thumbs here.","Nellie: Oh.","Robert California: That's right. Your little finger.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Darryl: [approaches Kevin] Would you like to buy some cookies?","Kevin: Cookies, eh?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kevin: [singing] Oh, the springtime thinks that it's the best. And fall time thinks that it's the best. Cold time has, kind of a strut. And Valentine's thinks that it's the best. But gather round, peeps, I'll tell you the truth. Nothing beats the cookie season, that's the truth.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Darryl: [Kevin scratches cookie order form and sniffs it] It's not a scratch-and-sniff, Kev.","Kevin: I know. But sometimes you still get a little something.","Toby: [to Darryl] Hey, you tricked me. You just wanted Kevin.","Darryl: You're new to the game. You learned a lesson today. See you next year, sport.","Toby: No, no, no. It's not fair. What if Kevin wants to buy cookies from me?","Kevin: I do.","Toby: See?","Darryl: That doesn't mean anything. [to Kevin] Kevin, do you want to buy cookies from me?","Kevin: Oh, I definitely do.","Darryl: [to Toby] Huh. Hit the road, jack.","Toby: No, you hit the road, jack.","Kevin: [looking pleased] Hey guys, come on. Don't fight over me.","Toby: You know, why don't we split the order? It's only fair.","Kevin: No. Wait, no. I'm buying, I make the rules. I actually do want you to fight over me. I wanna be wined and dined and... 69ed.","Angela: Ugh.","Kevin: Metaphorically 69ed. Ew. Perverts... no offence Oscar. [Oscar looks flabbergasted]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nellie: Hop in, we have places to be. No rest for the wicked.","Jim: [to Dwight] All right. So... I guess this is it.","Dwight: Well, Jim, I just want to say that we haven't always got along and at times, I've even hated your guts. But...[smiles] bye, bye. I win.","Jim: [attempts to shake Dwight's hand] Goodbye, Dwight.","Dwight: [drops golf ball into Jim's open hand] Robert, race you to the clubhouse, gentlemen's bet. Woohoo! [takes off in golf cart]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Well, he's Florida's problem now.","Robert California: I'll let Dwight have his fun. Today will not be his day.","Jim: What's that?","Robert California: I'm gonna tank the Sabre store at the presentation to the board.","Jim: I thought you liked the store?","Robert California: Well, the store is lovely. You created a wonderful space to showcase our product line. Great job. Cheers.","Jim: Thank you.","Robert California: But, there's a reason we sell our products online and over-the-phone. Have you ever used Sabre electronics, Jim? [Jim shakes head] They're cheap. They're unintuitive. The Sabre store would work if we adopted the carnival model of leaving town once everyone's wives do us.","Jim: Wow. When you put it that way, I guess it does sound pretty terrible.","Robert California: I couldn't just kill the project from the start. Jo Bennett endorsed it. Shame though, I did like Dwight.","Dwight: [from distanced golf cart] Robert! I'm gonna win, ha ha, I'm the gentleman! Suck it!","Robert California: [to Dwight] Bravo, Dwight! Very good! [Jim looks surprised] [to Jim] Shame.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [at Sabre headquarters] The math is simple folks. Deeper market penetration, plus greater visibility, will raise Sabre [Nellie emerges from behind Dwight] [together] to the power of two.","Nellie: How did that look?","Gabe: I'm not just saying this, that was the best thing I've ever seen.","Dwight: [to Nellie] I told you.","Todd Packer: When you guys do that whole power of two shebang, how 'bout I pop up also? I guess we'd have to say 'power of three'. Hm, actually, you know what, yeah, that actually works. [to Nellie] You'd spin off right. I'd spin off-","Dwight: You know what? That is a great idea. Cathy, write that down and print it out. It's gonna make some really good toilet paper.","Jim: [enters room] All right. There he is.","Dwight: What are you doing here? I thought I got rid of you?","Jim: Can I just talk to you for one quick second?","Dwight: What, your stylist ran out of 'messy spray'? [others laugh]","Jim: Um, actually it's, it's for your own good. I think maybe we should- [gestures toward hallway]","Dwight: You want to do something for my own good? Turn around, walk out that door, do not stop 'til you get to Scranton, find my cell phone charger, mail it back to me, and then go hell. [others laugh]","Todd Packer: Nice. [To Jim] Hey, Halpert, anyone ever tell you you look like Wooly Willy?","Dwight: [to Packer] Silence.","Todd Packer: Aw, I'm just trying to-","Dwight: [interrupts] I know what you're trying to do, I don't want it. [to Jim] But your face does look like the guy from Operation.","Todd Packer: That's... that's the same guy. It's the joke I made.","Dwight: Different guy.","Jim: You know, I just think you should know that-","Dwight: [interrupts] That you look like the world's tallest hobbit. [others laugh]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Well, I tried. [gestures the meeting room] You saw it, so, it's on the record. I have a plane to catch.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: Can you help me? I'm trying to make a video chat with Andy.","Irene: Just open the program and type in his user name.","Erin: Can you just do it?","Irene: [after briefly typing] Here, type in your password.","Erin: 'Erin123'","Irene: That's a terrible password. And you don't 'make a video chat', you video chat.","Erin: [annoyed] All right.","Andy: [video chat begins, Andy's head enters the screen from the side] Hello?","Erin: That's so weird. There's something wrong with my laptop. [turns laptop on its side] Oh. I fixed it.","Andy: Oh, now mine's broken. Hang on. [turns his laptop on its side while lying on desk] Oh, there we go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: [on phone with Jim] He said, 'I did like Dwight'? He's gonna fire him.","Jim: No, no, I think it was more like, 'you know, I liked him, but I don't anymore because he did a bad job, so I'm definitely gonna yell at him'.","Pam: Robert doesn't talk like that. You have to stop Dwight from doing this.","Jim: I tried. He will not listen.","Pam: Did you actually try your hardest?","Jim: Yes... my pretty hardest. Look, you haven't dealt with him in awhile, all right. He's like super Dwight. It's like he's been bitten by a radioactive Dwight, or som- Stanley, back me up.","Stanley: Don't talk to me.","Jim: Stanley's very upset that we're leaving Florida. But he would back me up.","Pam: If Dwight's about to get fired, you have to tell him. Just get the words out. That's all you can do.","Jim: OK. All right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Darryl: [to Kevin] What's a skinny guy like Toby know about cookies? You can't trust him to understand the wants and needs of the thick man. Maybe Toby from two years ago.","Phyllis: [laughs] Yeah.","Kevin: That's true. If I have a question about my cookies at midnight, who am I gonna call? Darryl. Toby's probably in bed with some model.","Darryl: Thank you.","Toby: I'm, I'm not gonna comment on my personal life.","Darryl: Look, I need this. Ok? Your daughter is a pretty little girl. Let her go door-to-door. You think people gonna buy cookies from my [hesitates] chubby daughter?","Phyllis: Oh. [looks away]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Darryl: Baby, if you're watching this, you're not chubby, you're beautiful. Daddy's just got to sell some cookies. And we're also gonna exercise more. It's gonna be fun.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kelly: [to Kevin] Oh, you know what you have to do? To decide? You need to make them do things for you. And, like, buy you things.","Pam: Or have them sing that song! That the frog does in Looney Tunes.","Phyllis: Make them kiss each other.","Meredith: Make them kiss me. [everyone 'ew's] [Toby and Darryl look at each other]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: Yes, this is too tan. This right here-","Andy: No.","Erin: This is a tanned spot.","Andy: I don't buy it. It, that is a freckle. That is not a tan, ok? I'm gonna have to inspect it in person when you get back here. I want you looking totally 'puerto ricania' when i see you.","Erin: Well, Andy, I'm not coming back.","Andy: What?","Erin: I have a job here. I work for an old lady. [turns laptop to put Irene into view]","Irene: [waves] Hello!","Erin: Andy?","Andy: Yeah, that's awesome. That's great.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kevin: [Toby and Darryl perform Hello! Ma Baby] This is tough. 'Cause Darryl, you sang better and you dance better but Toby has that indescribable quality that makes a star. I think I've reached my decision. I have decided... that you guys are gonna keep doing things for me.","Darryl: No, no, no, no. It's not worth it.","Toby: No.","Kevin: No, it's not worth it? That's too bad. 'Cause I was feeling particularly hungry this year.","Darryl: Yeah, ok so what, you buy 40 boxes?","Kevin: Hungrier.","Toby: 50?","Kevin: Hungrier.","Darryl: You're not talking... triple digits?","Kevin: Oh yeah, I'm talking triple digits. [folds arms satisfied while Toby and Darryl look at each other] Again. [both start performing Hello! Ma Baby again]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [straightens tie in mirror] Showtime.","Jim: [enters abruptly] Dwight.","Dwight: You again? Gosh, I keep throwing you away, you keep flying back here. You're like an Amish return stick.","Jim: OK, great, listen to me. Listen to me. [Dwight makes funny gesture] No, no, I know. Will you just let me tell you one thing, please?","Dwight: Yes, you may tell me one thing. Wait, you want to borrow money?","Jim: Listen to me. Robert is going to veto the Sabre store.","Dwight: [rolls eyes] Jim, come on.","Jim: Dwight, he's gonna kill the store.","Dwight: Uh-huh.","Jim: And then, I'm pretty sure he's gonna fire you for it.","Dwight: Wait. [holds up fingers] He's gonna kill the store? And he's gonna fire me?","Jim: Yes.","Dwight: [smiles] That's two things.","Jim: Dwight, please.","Dwight: Nice try, Jim. Your pranks have never worked in the past and they're not going to work today.","Jim: OK, first of all, they've mostly worked, so-","Dwight: You know what? You might want to get to the airport. It's gonna take you a long time to get through security with all those beauty products. Bye.","Jim: Dwight, come o-","Dwight: Nothing is gonna stop me. That is the mark of a great man. Unstoppability. Dunder-Mifflin, the farm, Mose, all those things vanish in my rearview mirror. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with destiny. And from what I hear, she's a slu- Ah![Jim tackles Dwight]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [Jim holds him back and tries to cover his mouth] Help! Help!","Jim: Gross! Don't lick my hand! God, why is there so much saliva?","Dwight: AlI had to do was think about pie and my salivary glands did the rest.","Jim: Gross!","Dwight: [attempting to break from Jim's grasp] Ah!","Jim: What? What, what, what, what, what?","Dwight: [clutching side] Oh, god! You... oh! My appendix-","Jim: I'm sorry.","Dwight: My wound hasn't healed yet.","Jim: I'm so sorry, I forgot.","Dwight: Oh, man!","Jim: You all right? You ok?","Dwight: [stops whining and charges Jim] Rrrah!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nellie: [to Cathy] Where the hell is he? I cannot do this without him.","Cathy: I don't know. He's not picking up.","Todd Packer: Well, looks like Shnoot's a no-show. Guess he wasn't vice presy material after all. But I am. Put me in, babe. I got the info down backwards, forwards, and doggy-style. I'm your man.","Nellie: [considers and decides on Packer] Right, let's begin then. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the vice president of Sabre Retail, Mr. Todd Packer.","Todd Packer: Sup?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Phyllis: [notices Andy boxing up things from Erin's desk] What are you doing?","Andy: I'm just dealing with Erin's stuff since apparently she's not coming back. And she didn't bother to tell anyone.","Oscar: We knew. Ryan told us.","Andy: Ryan, why didn't you tell me?","Ryan: Thought you checker my Tumblr?","Andy: You never update it.","Ryan: Well, I updated it.","Andy: Does anyone else think this is weird? And like, kind of uncool, actually? To leave us without a receptionist?","Pam: We'll find another receptionist. I mean, that's easy. We'll be fine. [Andy nods reluctantly]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [trying to get around Jim] Huh, huh, huh! [slides between Jim's legs]","Jim: What are you doing?","Dwight: I was trying to go-","Jim: Get up.","Dwight: Ok, ok.","Jim: Get up. All right? I'm not gonna let you by.","Dwight: Then you know what? I'm just gonna have to run right through you.","Jim: OK. [Dwight runs in place] What are you doing? Are you really revving up? you know that doesn't work.","Dwight: [tries to jump off wall] Jackie Chan! [falls and groans]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kevin: [holding mobile phone up] Go.","Darryl: [in a feminine voice] Hi. This is Alex.","Toby: [in feminine voice] And this is Sam.","Darryl: [in a feminine voice] Kevin can't come to the phone right now because he's busy with us.","Kevin: Perfect! Now people will think I'm doing hot girls all day.","Darryl: I don't know, man, they might think we're drag queens.","Toby: Yeah, I don't know why you picked names that are also guys' names.","Kevin: Okay, now who do I ride to the kitchen like a pony?","Toby: Don't make me be your pony, Kevin.","Darryl: Forget it, man.","Kevin: What do you mean?","Darryl: I'm out. And so is Toby.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Darryl: This may be wrong. But there's a limit to what I would do for my child.","Toby: Yeah. I have my dignity too. I refuse to be another man's horsey.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kevin: No guys, stop! You have to sell me cookies. I'll do anything. [starts performing Hello! Ma Baby] I'm even gonna kiss Meredith. [kisses Meredith] That is... hmph... that's ah... so good. [almost in tears Meredith pulls him toward her by his tie]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: [tackled by Dwight] What are you doing? No. No, no, no.","Dwight: This. Ends. Now.","Jim: This is dangerous.","Dwight: [picks Jim up] Rrahh! [both fall]","Jim: Why?","Dwight: Anything else you need to talk about?","Jim: Nope. I think that was it. [Dwight gets up and walks away]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [looking disheveled in mirror] Once again, it's show time.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Robert California: What baffles me is how you could take a perfectly good idea, [Dwight enters] which the great Jo Bennett rightfully signed off on, and then utterly botch it in execution.","Todd Packer: If I may speak to that, I have only been vice president of this project for the last half hour, so the man you want is Dwight Shrute.","Robert California: I don't see Dwight. He clearly had the infinite wisdom to stay as far away from this clown show as possible.","Nellie: Whatever you do, do not blame Todd Packer. It is not his fault. Blame his upbringing, his parents, the society that would mold this idiotic creature. Fire the employee, yes... but not the man. You may not cancel his soul.","Robert California: That was never on the table.","Todd Packer: [to Nellie] Are you kidding? [to Robert] She's the queen of the whole freaking Magilla!","Robert California: And yet Todd, it's you who's fired.","Todd Packer: What, you, I, I can't get fired. I'm an institution. I have been at this company for 20 years. How many of you have been here that long, huh? [Dwight exits meeting room and helps Jim up]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Darryl: [Dwight and Jim enter office] Hey, hey. They're back. [Everyone greets them]","Kelly: Dwight, what are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in Florida?","Jim: Yeah, the crazy thing about that is, um, wow you look great. Did you lose some weight?","Kelly: Thank you, for someone who actually notices this. No, I didn't lose weight. But I started using my makeup to contour my face to look skinnier. I actually put on five pounds.","Phyllis: [to Stanley] Hey! Good to have you back.","Stanley: [insincerely] Good to be back.","Pam: [to Jim] Hey, stranger!","Jim: Hey.","Pam: Aw, I missed you.","Jim: I missed you. [they embrace and kiss as Andy watches on sadly]","Pam: Aw.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: I'm going to Florida to get Erin. [grabs coat, runs out, then returns] Forgot to turn off my email. It's crazy, right? It's just, when she said she was leaving, I felt so- [looks at computer frustrated] 'You're about to close four tabs, are you sure you want to continue?' Yes. I am sure. Ah, slow computer!"],"Show Title":"The Office","Episode Number":"08x18","Episode Title":"Last Day In Florida","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Office_08x19.json","Recap":["Andy drives to Florida to try to win back Erin. Nellie revisits the Scranton branch and takes over as regional manager, assuming that because the manager seat is vacant, she can have it. This usurping divides the office into pro-Andy and pro-Nellie factions."],"Transcript":["Pam: [telephone ringing] This is Pam. Oh my God, are you sure? Uh, okay. Okay, um, we'll be right there. Everybody, the balloon is falling.","Kevin: Nice.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: There's this balloon that has been floating in the rafters of the warehouse for, like, ever. And, okay, it's not -- it doesn't sound cool. You just have to see it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: Well, I guess it doesn't look that cool either. But, it's been up there a long time, so it's become a pretty big deal.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Wow. It's the end of an era.","Pam: Did a good job, Buddy. Now it's time to come home.","Oscar: I remember when that balloon went up there. I was still with Gil. We were so happy.","Kevin: When that went up there, I had hair like Rapunzel.","Ryan: How long do you think it's been up there, Kevin?","Kevin: I just remember pushing aside my silky bangs to say, \"Look, a balloon.\"","Dwight: My warcraft clan was still on speaking terms.","Meredith: My kid didn't have a face tattoo.","Darryl: I was still thinking of going back to school.","Jim: And I was still just a paper salesman.","Dwight: Well this has been fun, Pam. Thanks for calling us all down here. [everyone sighs]","[SCENE_BREAK]","All: Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. [pops loudly] [cheers and applause]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Hey. So they accidentally gave us an extra egg sandwich this morning. Who wants it?","Kevin: oooh","Darryl: Me.","Phyllis: Yeah.","Dwight: Right here.","Nellie: Allow me to solve your problem, then.","Jim: Nellie","Nellie: Mmm. [bites sandwich] Oh, that is disgusting. Do you call that a King James breakfast pie?","Jim: What brings you to town?","Nellie: Certainly not the Harry Houdini Museum. What a nobody. Oh look, some Hungarian just found their way out of a sack. Let's build a shrine. No, I've come to work here.","Dwight: What?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: How could Robert transfer Nellie here after the Sabre store debacle? She stinks of failure. The fact that she could show her face around here is an embarrassment. I should know. I'm in an identical situation.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Toby: Robert did say you'd be joining us. Welcome. I'm Tony.","Nellie: Mm.","Pam: What?","Toby: I- I said I'm Tony. Okay I made a mistake. I thought it might go unnoticed. But uh, I'm Toby.","Pam: You messed up saying your name?","Toby: It happens, okay? Uh, so let's just find an empty desk for you, and uh, I'm sure Robert will be with you as soon as he gets in.","Nellie: That one looks empty.","Jim: No, that's Andy's office.","Nellie: Oh, is it?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nellie: I have one simple philosophy in business: if the seat is open, the job is open. It's how I came to briefly race a formula one car. The three slowest laps ever recorded.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: Another beautiful day in Tallahassee. Ooh. Good morning, Alonzo.","Alonzo: Good morning Erin. [driving by delivering newspapers]","Erin: How are you? How's your family doing?","Erin: Bye.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: Look at this place! Five rooms, and I get to clean them all. That's right. I'm a maid for an old lady. Her grandson's staying with us too because he ran out of money. [chuckles] Listen to me, bragging away.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Robert: Nellie.","Nellie: Robert.","Robert: How are you adjusting to life in Scranton so far?","Nellie: So far, so good.","Robert: Good.","Nellie: Water pressure in the hotel is marvelous.","Robert: Ah, well, it is astounding what a difference that can make, isn't it?","Nellie: Mm-hm.","Robert: Now. Let's find you something fun to do here, shall we?","Nellie: Oh, I've already found it. I am manager, a natural next step. It fits like a glove.","Robert: We have a manager.","Nellie: Do you really? Because it is 10:00. I've been in this chair for an hour, and no other manager has come and sat in my lap.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Robert: Excuse me, has anyone seen Andy this morning?","Kevin: Huh. Yeah, that's weird. He's usually here by now. Right guys?","Andy: [on phone] Hello.","Robert: Andy, it's Robert. Why aren't you at work?","Andy: Hey, Robert. Ah, I really wish I could come in to work today, but I'm super sick.","Robert: I don't care, I don't care. Please come to work immediately.","Andy: Okay, I'll try to come in even though I'm really sick with the...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: [standing in ocean] ...Florida Flu.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Robert: He just hung up on me mid-sentence.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: I'm in Florida to get Erin. As soon as I heard she wasn't coming back to Scranton, I jumped straight in my car and drove straight down till I hit the ocean. My heart is my map. Turns out, Tallahassee is about 200 miles inland, so I overshot a good amount. But still, not bad for a heart map right? [picking up dead fish] Oh, no. Thanks a lot, BP.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Robert: Not much we can do about this until he gets here.","Jim: Can't you do something about this?","Robert: Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim.","Jim: -Right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: What is going on? And where's Andy? And what is going on?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Irene: Erin, you got a package.","Erin: I'm in the bathroom.","Glenn: Where's the postage? I mean, there's no shipping label.","Irene: Did you wash your hands?","Erin: Yes.","Erin and Irene: [screaming as Andy busts out of box]","Andy: [singing] Here I am; Signed, sealed, delivered; I'm yours!","Erin: Andy, what are you doing here? It's great to see you.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Uh, I am here to take you back to Scranton. Because I love you and I want to be with you.","Irene: Where's the ring?","Andy: Hm?","Irene: Where's the ring, Lancelot?","Erin: Uh, would you guys mind if we talked privately for a second? Sorry, Glenn.","Erin: Um, Andy... I am so happy to see you. But I'm not coming back with you.","Glenn: [whispering off screen] Why won't she go with him?","Irene: [whispering] I don't know. Maybe it's 'cause he's not that handsome.","Erin: Hey... don't listen.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nellie: So what is going on? That does seem to be the question, doesn't it? [in American accent] Hey, this is messed up, bro. Who is this weird lady? [normal voice] I know. It's a lot. So, who knows what's going on? Anyone? You, yes. Wait, I am very good at intuiting names. Is it... chumbo?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: I think it's a cross between Dumbo and Jumbo, with a hint of chubby. It's not a name.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nellie: So no one can tell me what's going on. Well, let me illuminate things for you. We are getting to know each other. [in American accent] But why, m'lady? [in normal voice] Because I am your new manager.","Pam: Robert, is Nellie our new manager?","Robert: [laughs] This is an odd situation. But it's very interesting how it's playing out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Robert: We live in this world of routines and rhythms. Kevin ate someone's lunch. Phyllis has a new necklace. Who is this woman?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nellie: I came in here simply trying to get to know you, learn your names, maybe have someone teach me the company song. And what I got in return was nothing but disrespect. You leave me no choice but to get to know you in a more intimate way.","Kevin: Hot tub party?","Nellie: Performance reviews.","Pam: How can you give us performance reviews if you don't know us?","Nellie: On first impressions, so I recommend smiling. It goes a long way with me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Glenn: Erin, you really nailed the hot dogs today.","Erin: Oh, thanks. I've been re-using the hot dog water so it gets more flavor. It's only going to keep getting better.","Irene: So, Andrew, how does your skinny brunette girlfriend Jessica feel about you visiting your ex-girlfriend?","Andy: Well, we're not really dating anymore, so... basically, I mean, I just have to cross a few Ts and dot a few I's, you know.","Erin: So you came to get me, but you still have a girlfriend.","Irene: I think you should leave, young man.","Andy: All right. Technically, yes, I am still technically dating Jessica. But when I realized that I wanted you back, I just jumped in the car and I drove down here, and I didn't want to stop until I saw you.","Erin: You didn't even stop to pee? Gross.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Any luck?","Pam: No. He just keeps letting all the calls go to voicemail.","Andy: [on phone message, singing] Please leave a message for Andy Bernard, include your na-","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: Oh, you're doing so good. Oh my God, you're superman over there. [Andy's phone vibrating]","Irene: You should take it. It's probably your girlfriend wondering where you are.","Andy: Nope. It's just work. Not important. You know, I can really feel this is my quads, I can tell I'm getting stronger.","Irene: You really wouldn't feel those kinds of results after one session.","Andy: I don't know. [phone vibrating] Just let it vibrate. It's fine.","Irene: You could put it on silent.","Andy: I don't think it does that.","Irene: Just go to preferences, then click -","Glenn: [answering Andy's phone] Proctology.","Jim: [on phone] Andy?","Andy: Jim?","Jim: Andy, where are you?","Andy: I- I'm home in bed. I've been in bed all day. I got the-- I got the serious poops, man.","Irene: He's here in Tallahassee, trying to turn my life upside down.","Jim: What? You're in Florida? Andy, Nellie Bertram's trying to take your job.","Andy: What do you mean, take my job?","Jim: Like, set up camp in your office and is calling herself the manager.","Andy: Okay... Jim, I really appreciate you looking out for me, but I'm not coming home without Erin. So I'll talk to you later.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Guys, we cannot do these performance reviews, okay? If we go into them, you're basically accepting Nellie as your manager, and trust me, you do not want her as your manager.","Angela: Trust you? The way Pam trusted you to provide for her so she wouldn't have to work?","Pam: I like working here.","Jim: Dwight, should she be our manager?","Dwight: I wouldn't let her manage a celery farm.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Those who can't farm, farm celery.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: And when was the last time Dwight and I agreed on anything ever? [clears throat]","Nellie: All right. Let's get going. First up, it is the woman with the beautiful fingernails and the tiny feet, Phyllis.","Phyllis: Nellie, I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable being evaluated by someone I don't know.","Nellie: Oh. Oh, okay. I understand. Let me show you how these are gonna go. Dwight.","Dwight: I refuse to be judged by someone that I do not respect. I lost respect for you in Florida. If it was up to me, you would be in jail forever.","Nellie: Dwight, I have completed your evaluation. You're getting a raise.","Dwight: What?","Nellie: Dwight, you carry this company on your massive shoulders. You are our Atlas, and for that do you not think you deserve a raise?","Dwight: There's no limit to what I think I deserve.","Nellie: Then you accept it?","Dwight: Five percent. No less.","Nellie: Absolutely not. Seven percent.","Dwight: Six percent, I know my worth.","Jim: The raise isn't real.","Dwight: Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard.","Nellie: So Phyllis, now you know the rules of the game. Would you care to have a go? I'm fairly certain you're going to like it.","Pam: Phyllis.","Phyllis: Pam.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nellie: So, Phyllis, I have been very impressed with you.","Phyllis: Really?","Nellie: Oh, yeah. The way you conquered your fear and came in here, and now the way you sit there... all very impressive.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: Um... are you aware that Nellie is giving out raises?","Robert: I am not. Huh.","Jim: Yeah. She gave one to Dwight, Phyllis.","Robert: Let me guess, you want one too? Take the family to Disneytown?","Jim: Land. World. Uh, it's not that I don't want a-- well, yes, I guess I'd take a raise. That's not what I'm saying. That's not-- sorry.","Robert: Jim, I told Andy to come in, and yet he is still not in. By contrast, Nellie Bertram saw a vacuum and filled it. To make no mention of her business experience or her relationship with Jo Bennett, my boss.","Jim: Yes.","Robert: Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor?","Jim: Oh, god, nature, please.","Robert: When two animals are having s*x, one of them...","Jim: [exhales sharply]","Robert: ... is communicating a message to the other. Nothing is mutua-- this isn't very helpful. You're gonna want to hear the sexual metaphor.","Jim: Was that not the--","Robert: All life is s*x. And all s*x is competition.","Jim: Mm-hm.","Robert: And there are no rules to that game. That wasn't so perverted, now was it?","Jim: Was that it? No, that wasn't bad.","Robert: My point is, there is one person in charge of every office in America, and that person is Charles Darwin. In the end, doesn't he decide who the manager is?","Jim: No. I would've said no.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nellie: Mm, let's see, review, review, review. Yes, good stuff. Here you go, have a raise.","Kelly: Oh, great.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: I mean, if we go in there and take these raises, what are we saying? That it's okay for someone to just take someone else's job? Shouldn't work like that.","Dwight: No, you know what? Nellie's right. That is exactly how it should work. Darryl, this office is mine now.","Darryl: No.","Dwight: Yes.","Darryl: No.","Dwight: Yes.","Darryl: No.","Dwight: Yes.","Darryl: No.","Dwight: Yes.","Darryl: No.","Dwight: Yes. Yes, sorry too late. I'm here. This is mine. Back off.","Dwight: [Darryl grabbing him by his hair, dragging him from office] Ow! Ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow, Ow.","Dwight: [panting] Well fought. I accept the outcome.","Creed: Touch me and I'll sue.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: I've heard that's amazing when it works.","Andy: Yeah, if I had my own--","Erin: Andy, I care about you and I think--","Andy: --sorry, you go.","Erin: No, go ahead.","Andy: Well, I was just going to say that, if I had my own fountain, it would be two frogs that are spitting into each other's mouth. It's just stupid. What were you going to say?","Erin: Andy, you broke my heart. Do you know what it feels like to be constantly rejected by you and to have to watch you date someone else?","Andy: You broke my heart too.","Erin: You broke my heart more recently and more often. And I think at some point, in my head, it just sort of clicked that we're not meant to be.","Andy: I'm so sorry that we have not loved each other at the same time.","Erin: I know.","Andy: [sighs]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nellie: So, Pamela, I'm going to start this review, not by telling you what you lack, but rather, asking you what it is you want.","Pam: Really? Okay, well, um, I like consistency in the manager's position, no weird silent coups. Stuff like that. I'm easy.","Nellie: That's not really what you want. What you want is a good night's sleep, working mother of two.","Pam: Whoa, that's kind of condescending. Would you say something like that to Jim?","Nellie: Does Jim have to breastfeed? Did Jim carry around those babies for-- what is it? 12 months? Be honest, does Jim really get up in the night?","Pam: Well, I mean, the only reason he doesn't is because I'm breastfeeding, and Phillip doesn't like a bottle.","Nellie: You must be exhausted. Fancy a nap?","Pam: No.","Nellie: Go on. Have a nap. Lie down right here. There's a blanket in here. I used it earlier myself. Dreamt I could breathe underwater like Jacques Cousteau. No one will know. I'll wake you up. And when you wake up, you will earn more money.","Pam: I think... you're a witch.","Nellie: I think you're amazing. You know that, right? Go on, say it: \"I'm amazing.\"","Pam: [drowsily] I'm amazing. [sighs]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Irene: Erin, I think you're making a big mistake right now. Andy is a nice boy.","Erin: Really? 'cause you've been kind of a B to him all afternoon.","Irene: I was protecting you because I thought he was no good. But I can tell you really like him. And he's willing to lose his job for you, in this economy with Europe on the brink--","Erin: Irene, what would you do without me?","Irene: We're not your concern, sweetheart. Besides, Glenn's going to sue Home Depot.","Erin: Why?","Irene: He got his foreskin caught in some lawn furniture.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nellie: Jim, time for your review.","Jim: No, it's not, because you don't really work here.","Nellie: Why are you so staunchly defending your friend, who has abandoned you? Wouldn't you rather come talk with me? Maybe definitely get a raise?","Jim: Yeah, that's the thing. I don't know if you can even give raises.","Nellie: Jim, have you ever heard of a character named Tinkerbell?","Jim: Yes.","Nellie: I'm Tinkerbell.","Jim: No.","Nellie: Mm-hm. I'm a magical fairy who floated into your office to bring a little bit of magic into your lives, to give you all raises.","Stanley: And we are grateful.","Nellie: But here's the thing about Tinkerbell, Jim. Everyone has to believe in her or she doesn't exist.","Jim: She dies.","Nellie: She dies! Now who here believes in Tinkerbell?","Jim: Let's see it. Show of hands.","Kevin: I do. [applause] Come on everyone...","Jim: All right, guys, stop.","Meredith: I already spent the money.","Jim: How?","Kevin: Come on Jim, you're killing her!","All: We believe! We believe!","Robert: Look at this wonderful recognition of Nellie's leadership. I believe. [applause continues]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: That did not go how I wanted it to. Ugh. I have a whole ton of Erin's favorite food for the drive back, eggplant parm. [tosses it out car window] It's biodegradable. Animals will eat it.","Erin: Andy wait! [running down street] Andy! Andy wait! Don't go! Andy I love you! Stop! Oh, this is the wrong Prius. I don't love you. I'm sorry.","Andy: Erin!","Erin: Andy. [horns honking as they kiss in the street]","Erin: Let's get out of here.","Andy: Okay.","Erin: Let's go.","Andy: Wait, we have to go back and get your stuff.","Erin: No, I don't have any stuff.","Andy: Like your toothbrush and stuff.","Erin: I don't have one.","Andy: You don't have a toothbrush?","Erin: No.","Andy: How do you not have a toothbrush?","Erin: I just... there's always one around.","Andy: You just use whichever one is sitting there?","Erin: I always find one. Have you ever heard of buying a toothbrush?","Andy: Of course. I own my toothbrush.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nellie: I grew up poor. I had little formal education. No real skills. I don't work especially hard, and most of my ideas are either unoriginal or total crap. And yet, I walked right into a job for which I was ill-prepared, ill-suited, and somebody else already had, and I got it. If you ask me, that's the American dream right there. Anything can happen to anyone. It's just random."],"Show Title":"The Office","Episode Number":"08x19","Episode Title":"Get The Girl","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Office_09x15.json","Recap":["The office pairs into couples so that they may all be able to take advantage of a Valentine's Day discount at a mini-mall. After Andy returns from his boat trip, Erin decides that she is going to break up with him so that she can be with Pete, but Pete begins to doubt her. Pam and Jim share lunch with Brian, the documentary's sound man."],"Transcript":["Pam: [to Jim] Hey. I feel so lucky we're in the same city for Valentine's Day.","Jim: It's like magic. Or, it's like me getting on my hands and knees and begging my partners to switch a Tuesday for a Thursday.","Pam: [makes magic trick hand gesture] Alakazam!","Jim: By the way, they do need an extra day next week.","Pam: And, poof! He disappears. [Jim snaps, playing along]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: [to Pete] Hey! Wanna play hookey today?","Pete: Oh, maybe. What do you have in mind?","Erin: We can do anything you want.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: I really wanna have fun today because tomorrow is going to be a nightmare. Andy's coming back from his stupid, dumb boat trip. He's been rude. He's been selfish. I think he's a big jerk. And I'm breaking up with him. Bam, Andy! How do you like me now?... I hope as a friend.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pete: Erin says she's gonna break up with Andy, but I'm not sure. He's coming back tomorrow and surprise, today, she wants to do whatever I'd like. You know, when I was a kid, we had a dog who go real sick and we had to 'send him to a farm'. And on his last day, we did everything he loved.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: [has an idea and reveals a frisbee from under her desk] Wanna play catch in the parking lot?","Pete: [slightly surprised] Sure.","Erin: Great.","Pete: I'll get my coat.","Erin: Perfect. [Pete walks away eying the camera knowingly]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [knocks on Andy's door, then pretends to answer as Andy] Come in.","Dwight: [talking to Andy's empty chair] Andy, hi. I just made another huge sale for the company that you manage. I need you to authorize that expense report and sign off on that contract.","Dwight: [pretending to be Andy] I would be happy to. It would be my pleasure, Mr. Schrute. Rick-a-dick-doo, rick-a-dick-dick-dick, rick-a-dick-doo.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: I really like Andy these days. He's pretend and he does exactly as I tell him to. All that will change when real Andy comes back tomorrow. [thinks for a moment] Unless he comes back as pretend Dwight. In which case, we're in for an epic, confusing showdown.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kevin: Andy left a carton of milk in the fridge. So, I've been sneaking a little bit every day for the last three months. It's been yummy. But now, Andy's coming back. So, I guess it's goodbye chunky, lemon milk.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Kevin: [to entire office]OK, I'll say it. I wish Andy had stayed on his trip.","Nellie: I say we all have one last fun boss-less day.","Meredith: Yeah, let's get some booze and some cocaine and just blow it out. No consequences.","Phyllis: Or the mini mall. They have all these Valentine Day deals. You can get 20% off if you come in with your husband or your [to Nellie] boyfriend. But, I mean, if you don't have one of those you can probably just bring whoever it is you use to kill your loneliness.","Stanley: Phil, I'll pretend to be your husband. I'm already sick of you, so it'll seem realistic.","Phyllis: Oh...","Angela: They have a nail salon there where I get my feet detailed. [to Meredith] They use a watch repair kit.","Kevin: [to Angela] Ew! I'll be your foot buddy.","Nellie: Everyone, it is our last day here with no manager. I say we go to the mini mall. Clark, you will be my fake boyfriend so I can get the discount.","Clark: It's what I do. [everyone begins to leave]","Oscar: Darryl, everyone seems to be pairing off. Do you want to pretend to be a couple so we get the...","Darryl: No... yes, yes. Why wouldn't I... wanna pretend to be gay? Got no problem with that.","Oscar: All right, it'll be easy. Don't be nervous, just follow my...","Darryl: [interrupting] Stop talking 'bout it. I said I'm fine with it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: [eating] These are gross.","Jim: They are terrible.","Pam: Oh, hey, don't fill up on chocolates. I made us a lunch reservation at State Street Grill.","Jim: Oh my god. That's so romantic.","Pam: It's with Brian and Alyssa.","Jim: Oh my god. That's less romantic.","Pam: I know. But we should go. We need to thank him for, you know, saving my life.","Jim: Yeah, yeah. No, totally. That's good. So, should we just get a bottle of wine later and celebrate?","Pam: That sounds nice.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: I'm very excited to see Brian. Brian's a great guy. And Pam and I have gotten really close to he and his wife, Alyssa over the years. And he got fired for protecting my wife from a jerk in the warehouse. I'm sorry, but you know him. He's a good guy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nail stylist 1: Oh, tiny, poor lady is back. Oh, get the baby clipper. [other nails stylists gush over Angela]","Nail stylist 2: [to Clark] You take off your glasses.","Clark: 'Kay. [removes glasses]","Nellie: [nail stylist 2 giggles] What?","Nail stylist 2: Your boyfriend. He look like a pretty girl.","Nellie: My boyfriend does look like a pretty girl, doesn't he? Yes, a very little pretty girl. And you know what, now that you are developing, we should go and get you a training bra. [both laugh at Clark]","Clark: Oh, you guys think this is funny? You know what? No more discount. [to nail manager] Excuse me. [gesturing he and Nellie] Full price. We're not together.","Nellie: Oh, come on!","Clark: She's living a lie.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nellie: Turns out, I can't even be in a pretend relationship.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oscar: [to nail manager] Hi. We'd like a couples discount on a pair of foot massages.","Nail manager: No. No discount for two men. Two men are not a couple.","Oscar: We are together. Romantically.","Nail manager: Two men? [other nail stylist speaks Korean to manager, both laugh] [gestures index fingers bumping together] Doesn't work. No discount.","Darryl: Oh, it works. Him and me, all right, we are crazy in love. More love than your small mind can comprehend. And we have two disposable incomes. And no kids. And we're taking our business elsewhere. [Oscar and Darryl exit holding hands]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: [enters restaurant with Pam] Hey, Brian.","Brian: Hey.","Pam: Sorry we're late.","Brian: Oh, uh, no problem. I finished all the bread.","Pam: Ha,ha,ha, yeah OK.","Jim: What?","Pam: He's on a no carb thing. Supposedly.","Jim: Oh.","Brian: It's, uh, great to see you guys. Thanks for coming.","Pam: Yeah.","Jim: Are you kidding? Thank you, man. I mean, I've wanted the opportunity to say thanks for... everything. And I'm really sorry about the job. That just seems crazy.","Brian: It's fine. What are you gonna do, you know? But, if you guys know of any work, I'm fully available.","Pam: Well, my dad can't hear a thing. You could boom his whole life for him.","Brian: That's... OK, great. Does he pay well?","Pam: Where's Alyssa?","Brian: Uh, yeah. Um, you know, Alyssa's, she's not gonna make it today.","Pam: Oh.","Brian: Actually, we're not gonna make it. Um... we're splitting up.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: [to Andy's empty chair] I have yet another sales order for you to sign.","Dwight: [acting as Andy] Why thank you Mr. Schrute. I don't know how you do it. You're a god. Rick-a-dick-dick-doo.","Andy: [in his office doorway, bearded and unkept] Hi Dwight.","Dwight: You're back. [surveys Andy] And you're disgusting.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Phyllis: [as everyone returns to the office] Ah, geez. My nails aren't dry yet. I don't think I can work for at least a couple hours.","Andy: Well, well, well, look who it is.","Phyllis: Andy.","Andy: I guess I can cancel my order from Zappos.com because, oh, the loafers have arrived.","Erin: Andy!","Andy: Hey! Sweetheart! [approaches Erin] I have missed you so much.","Erin: [obviously avoiding Andy's embrace] Yes. [gives Andy high fives] Welcome back, buddy.","Andy: [attempting to hug Erin as she resists] I have been dreaming of this moment.","Erin: Me too. So much. I'm so happy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: I am really, really bad at break ups. Technically, I'm still dating my first grade boyfriend. I mean, we just had our 20th anniversary. And, I forgot to get him something.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oscar: What happened? We thought you were coming back tomorrow.","Andy: Well, Valentine's surprise for Erin. Hello? Super romantic. And I got you something. [removes wooden instruments from bag] Oh, it's a couple of pieces of bamboo. Big deal, right? No. These are musical instruments. It's so we can play island music together. Cause I have this. [removes g\u00fciro and begins playing and singing] Clop the cloppers. Yeah, clop 'em. It's called Bembe. [sings while Kevin echoes]","Dwight: Hey, Burning Man, if it's not selling out too much, you might want to throw on a tie. David Wallace is gonna be here in an hour.","Andy: Obviously, that's why I'm here. I mean, I came back early to surprise Erin. Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart. [tries to embrace Erin but she begins playing cloppers] But, I'm just saying, I'm also excited about the Wallace meeting.","Clark: Why? Isn't he just coming in to rip you a new one for being gone three months?","Dwight: No. Please. Come on, Clark. Wallace knows that he's been gone for the last three months. [Andy stalls] Right? Wallace does know that you've been gone for the last three months?","Andy: I have no idea. I don't know what he knows or doesn't know. But we've been in touch the whole time. I mean, it's not hard to get high-speed internet in Turks de Caicos, people. It's in every Bembe cafe.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: He only emailed me four times.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Question. Where's Jim?","Phyllis: He and Pam are having their Valentine's Day lunch.","Andy: For two hours? Really?","Oscar: So, you're concerned about peoples' long absence from their place of work?","Andy: If the shoe fits. [plays g\u00fciro and sings, Kevin echoes]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Brian: We were telling two different versions of the same story. And then, everything just went numb.","Jim: Well, I mean, that's OK. It doesn't mean that it's over. Right? I mean, couples fight.","Brian: Yeah. That's the thing. When we were fighting, it weirdly felt like the relationship was still alive. And, it wasn't until we stopped fighting that, we realized that it was over. You know, it's over. [overcome by emotion] I'm sorry, this is... oh my god, OK. [to Pam] We have to stop seeing each other like this. We have to find a different way to communicate other than breaking down in front of each other.","Pam: [obviously flustered] Yeah.","Jim: What?","Brian: At least my crying won't get you fired.","Jim: Crying?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: I noticed that you landed the Scranton White Pages account. That is tremendous.","Dwight: Thank you.","Andy: And you sold it to Jan too.","Dwight: Yes!","Andy: I mean... I'm impressed.","Dwight: [laughing together] Yeah!","Andy: Well, there's one problem. Couldn't help but notice that you offered a price point that was not approved by the head office. So... gotta run that stuff by me, Dwight.","Dwight: You were on a boat.","Andy: I was...","Dwight: On a boat. Andy:That...","Dwight: In the ocean.","Andy: OK. The issue is that you need to run this stuff by me. Coolio? Are we coolio? [Dwight resists] Just say the word 'coolio'.","Dwight: I'm not gonna say it.","Andy: Say it.","Dwight: Not a word.","Andy: Coolio.","Dwight: No! [Andy makes a call] What do you think you're doing?","Andy: Just gonna call the Scranton White Pages and clear this right up.","Dwight: Don't you dare! Andy!","Jan: [on phone] Hello?","Andy: Hey, Jan. Nard dog here.","Jan: Oh, Andy.","Andy: I was just looking over the paperwork. I found a little hiccup.","Jan: Really?","Andy: Yeah. It appears my employee offered you a price that he was not authorized to.","Jan: Hmm.","Dwight: [whispers] Coolio.","Jan: Seriously? You're calling me a few weeks after finalizing our contract to gouge me now for more money? Is that what you're doing?","Dwight: Coolio. Coolio.","Andy: No. No, no, no Jan I think you misunderstood.","Jan: Yeah.","Dwight: Coolio.","Andy: It, it's, it's actually just an issue...","Jan: You know what? You know what, uh, Nard dog? There is an option in the contract that allows me to back out within 30 days of signing. So, I would like to exercise that option.","Dwight: No, Jan! Please do not listen to this boob! Remember Clark. He gave you everything. Everything.","Andy: Jan, I don't know what he's talking about but...","Jan: Tell Angela to send me a final invoice.","Andy: Well, ah, ah...","Dwight: Please Ja, Ja... [Jan hangs up]","Andy: Aw! That was not how I had hoped that would go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: [approaching Accounting] Hey, everybody, great job. [to Angela] Listen, we're a smidge behind on my paychecks.","Angela: Yes, well, as you know, we get paid on Fridays. And you haven't been here for 12 Fridays. [hands Andy a folder]","Andy: All right. Thank you very much. [examines checks] Looking good. [after noticing something on Angela's desk] Who's that little fella?","Angela: It's a bonus check. For you. From Wallace. Because the branch exceeded it's targets over the past quarter.","Andy: Wow, that's wonderful!","Oscar: A quarter's three months. That's how long you've been gone.","Andy: Uh-huh.","Angela: Uh-huh.","Andy: Uh-huh... [after awkward pause] Uh-huh. [Angela hands him the bonus check] Thank you. Great. Well, we're all up to speed.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: Two seconds of the turd dog and he loses the biggest sale this branch has ever seen.","Clark: [emotional] Do you have any idea what I had to do to get that sale from Jan? I mean, I went all out. All out. I mean like everything was out the whole week.","Kevin: He just waltzes back in here like he owns the chunky, lemon milk. Who needs him, right?","Dwight: God! I just don't know what we'd do. I mean, short of telling David Wallace that he was gone for three months.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Dwight: I'd like to rat out Andy. Unfortunately, I have a bit of a boy-who-cried-wolf dynamic with David Wallace. Except, instead of a boy, I'm a man. And instead of a wolf, I cried genetically-engineered monster wolf.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Nellie: I'm not going to rat on him. No, Andy gave me a second chance. So, the least I could do is let somebody else rat on him. Meredith, why don't you?","Meredith: Meredith Palmer ain't never been called no nark. Floozy? Yes. Alkie? Check. Einstein sarcastically? You bet. But never no nark. Vomit mop? Sure. Floor meat? That's me. Flesh hoover?","Erin: Hey!","Pete: Meredith, that's plenty. All right? That's more than plenty. Why does no one stop her?","Erin: Guys. I know that a lot of people are mad at Andy and, believe me, I am too. But, he has been through a lot and we all used to love him, right? So, if he's gonna get in trouble, just let it be his fault not ours. I don't want that on my hands.","Dwight: Fine! The state he's in, Wallace will take one look at him and probably fire him anyway.","Andy: [appears approaching group, shaved and in a suit] What's going on in here, dirty players? Let's get back to busting some paper rhymes. Come on. [singing] Who's that girl? Who's that girl? It's Andy! [resumes talking] All right. Back to work.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Pam: OK, I can tell you're mad at me. Do you wanna just, um, I don't know, tell me why?","Jim: I don't know. I thought that was a little weird. You told me Brian got fired for the whole warehouse thing. And you intentionally left out a kind of major, intimate detail. I don't know, Pam, I guess I just feel like a chump. Who knows less about his marriage than the sound guy.","Pam: I didn't tell you about the crying because I didn't want you to know how upset I was. Because it would've stressed you out and you're always saying how much you don't want more stress.","Jim: Yeah, well. Yeah, OK. Well, then thank you. Thanks to both of you.","Pam: It's not Brian's fault.","Jim: No, you're right. And, and I'm not mad at Brian. And to be honest, I probably don't have any reason to be mad at all because I wasn't there. So, let's just forget about it.","Pam: OK.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: I need you guys to tell me all the highlights from the last three months in case David asks. Just a few things I could sprinkle into conversation. Any big sales or office gossip.","Dwight: Well, we had the Scranton White Pages.","Andy: Not helpful. Let's stay positive, people. OK?","David Wallace: [enters] Hey guys.","Andy: Hey! David! How are ya? Ah, we were just having our weekly round table where we motivate each other. Not gonna lie, I get as much out of it as they do.","David Wallace: Sounds great. Don't let me interrupt. What ever you guys have been doing this last quarter, I couldn't be happier with the numbers.","Andy: Thank you.","David Wallace: Well, finish up. I'm gonna meet with Val about that warehouse guy you had to let go and you and I will talk in 15 minutes?","Andy: Great!","David Wallace: [leaving] Great job, everybody!","Andy: [whispering] We had to let a warehouse guy go?!","Kevin: You know Pam's mural? Well, Frank...","Dwight: [interrupting] ... lit the whole thing on fire. It was crazy.","Andy: What?!","Dwight: Yeah.","Andy: There was a fire in the warehouse?","Dwight: The whole thing is in ashes. Fire department was here. It was in all the papers.","Kevin: Whoa.","Andy: This is what I'm talking about! This would be good to know. All right, what else?","Phyllis: We started selling balloons.","Andy: What?!","Clark: Yeah. And, uh, Kathy Ireland signed on as the official spokes-babe of Dunder-Mifflin.","Andy: No kidding?","Clark: Yeah. In the European billboards, she's gonna be topless.","Andy: Wow. Go Kathy. She's like 50.","Clark: They're tasteful.","Andy: Good, good. What else?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Andy: Who knew the balloon game would be so lucrative? And thank god, right? We needed the income after the fire.","David Wallace: What fire?","Andy: The warehouse fire. Weren't you just down there? It's like burnt to ashes.","David Wallace: It looked fine to me.","Andy: [catches on to the ruse] I am speaking metaphorically, of course. You know I have lots of irons in quote-unquote fire. Well, that's one of them. You know, making sure that the warehouse logistics is a well-oiled, properly-stoked fire.","David Wallace: OK.","Andy: I think you'll agree I explained that pretty well.","[SCENE_BREAK]","David Wallace: [preparing to leave] Thanks, Andy.","Andy: Thank you.","David Wallace: All right. Everyone! [waves to office and exits]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: [enters Andy's office to find him playing g\u00fciro] Fish sounds great.","Andy: Yeah, I guess.","Erin: Really playing the scales, huh?","Andy: Yeah, it just sort of sounds like noise to me now. You think I need a new fish?","Erin: I don't love you anymore.","Andy: What?","Erin: I still like you, but you were gone a really long time. And, you didn't really email me all that much. You retweeted me, a lot to be fair. But I don't love you.","Andy: OK, I get it. You're unhappy. I've been gone a long time and we lost a little bit of juju. But, you and me, we have a future. There is a lot of love here.","Erin: I just said there isn't love.","Andy: On your side. But there's tons on my side. It's gushing. We're just out of sync right now. But that's just timing, it's timing. I mean, my parents lasted 38, 40 years. They were never happy at the same time.","Erin: I guess.","Andy: I mean, what do we have left? 35, maybe 40 years? If we're lucky. I mean, I have spent a lot of time in the sun.","Erin: You got really sunburned.","Andy: I'm gonna be a prune in like, 3 years.","Erin: Ugh.","Andy: I know you may not be feeling love for me right now but, if you fake it, I won't be able to tell the difference. So, I'll feel good. And then, eventually, maybe, you'll actually start to love me again.","Erin: You really think we can get that back?","Andy: Yes. [hugs Erin] Come on. Totally.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jim: You know what? Maybe we should cancel that bottle of wine tonight.","Pam: Oh?","Jim: Yeah. I just feel like I got a bunch of stuff to do in Philly and I'm sure you have stuff to do. So we can just... I don't know, drop me at the bus station?","Pam: Are you sure?","Jim: I just feel like we're gonna fight.","Pam: [obviously hurt] Yeah.","Jim: So... how 'bout let's not?","Pam: OK. [they begin to leave]","Jim: Oh, um. [pulls item from bag and hands to Pam] Happy Valentine's Day. Sorry, I didn't have time to wrap it.","Pam: [sees it's a drawing of hers, framed] Wow. I didn't know you kept this.","Jim: Yeah, yeah.","Pam: Thank you.","Jim: No problem.","Pam: I don't think you should go to Philly tonight. I think that you should stay and I think we should fight.","Jim: You really wanna fight on Valentine's Day?","Pam: Yeah, I do.","Jim: OK. All right, put your dukes up, Beesly.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: Hi.","Pete: Hey, you OK?","Erin: I couldn't do it.","Pete: Oh.","Erin: I'm sorry.","Pete: Oh, you don't have to apologize. I just... I just want you to be happy. OK? [Erin smiles and kisses Pete]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Erin: [bursts into Andy's office] We're breaking up. And just so you know, I was worried that you were dead. You were gone for three months.","David Wallace: [on phone] Hey, Andy. It's David. Still here. What was that about three months?"],"Show Title":"The Office","Episode Number":"09x15","Episode Title":"Couples Discount","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Originals_01x18.json","Recap":["Genevieve asks Elijah to allow her coven to publicly celebrate a traditional feast day, where members of the community offer the witches gifts in return for blessings. Monique and Genevieve disagree over what the ancestors want from them, and Genevieve reveals her plan to build the witches power. When Elijah focuses his attention on restoring their home to its former glory, Klaus accuses him of doing it only to impress Hayley. Next, Klaus sets a new plan in motion by finding Cary, a werewolf from his own line, and sending him off to find a missing piece of family history. Marcel lets Thierry in on his new plan to rebuild his power, but Diego has his own ideas about the future. At the Feast of the Blessings, Monique and Genevieve try to use the ceremony to teach Davina a lesson, but Klaus intervenes and gives Davina a surprisingly important gift. While Hayley struggles to decide where her loyalties should lie, the ceremony explodes into violence."],"Transcript":["KLAUS' BEDROOM","[Genevieve wakes up in Klaus' bed to find that he's already awake and painting a portrait of her]","GENEVIEVE: You're up early. After the night we had, I expected you to sleep in.","KLAUS: Yes, well, morning sun offers the best light. Hold still. I'm almost finished.","GENEVIEVE: [smiles and stretches] In my last life, I was far too modest if I was in the nude.","KLAUS: Well, then consider yourself much improved. Modesty is for the weak.","[Genevieve gets out of bed to look at the painting, but he hides it from her]","GENEVIEVE: Well, are you gonna show me?","KLAUS: The painting is a gift. A token to honor our pact.","GENEVIEVE: [feigns offense] Our pact? We had such a lovely night and now I see it was all a means to an end.","KLAUS: A rather delicious means to a mutually beneficial end.","GENEVIEVE: Tell me. Beyond the pleasures of last night and the promise of what I'm sure is an exquisite painting, what exactly would a French Quarter witch gain from aligning with you?","KLAUS: Well, the treaty my dear brother negotiated between the warring factions of this city, the one that you yourself signed. No doubt everyone means well, but this is after all...","GENEVIEVE: ...Still the French Quarter?","KLAUS: [laughs] A borough rife with natural enemies. What you and your witches need is the protection only I can provide. No one-- not vampires, not werewolves, not even my brother-- will dare trifle with you if I am on your side.","GENEVIEVE: And in exchange, I am to offer you what, exactly?","KLAUS: All I ask is for the promise of your allegiance. One never knows when a powerful witch might come in handy.","GENEVIEVE: Well, then.","[They kiss]","LAFAYETTE CEMETERY","[Monique, Abigail, and Davina are in a tomb at the cemetery, each in different yoga positions, while trying to do a spell]","MONIQUE, ABIGAIL & DAVINA: [in unison] Vie dans des anc\u00eatres, renforcer noblesse. Comme des anc\u00eatres, de coeur noblesse. D\u00e9cider on de anc\u00eatres, garder noblesse","MONIQUE: [screams, and then begins to chant] Aah! Sine la quatrieme puella leve, comme Genevieve ceciderit. Sine la quatrieme puella leve, comme Genevieve ceciderit.","DAVINA: Monique, are you ok? Monique, you sounded like you were possessed.","MONIQUE: I wasn't possessed. I was channeling the ancestors. They say it's time to complete the reaping. To do that, the fourth Harvest girl must be resurrected, which means... it's time for Genevieve to die.","TITLE CARD & OPENING CREDITS","ABBATOIR COMPOUND","[Elijah has men renovating the compound. Klaus and Genevieve come downstairs to find the source of the noise]","KLAUS: Enough with all the racket!","ELIJAH: Is there a problem, brother? [to the workers] Gentlemen, please.","KLAUS: I agreed to a general sprucing up, not a bloody three-ring circus.","ELIJAH: Marcel and his minions abused our home for the better part of a century. Now, you might be content to live in squalor. I'm not.","GENEVIEVE: I agree with your brother. It's a new era in the French Quarter. This place could use a makeover.","KLAUS: Careful, Elijah. When this one agrees with you, it's a sure sign she wants something.","GENEVIEVE: Actually I do have a request. I'm told our coven hasn't been able to celebrate feast days in the open since Marcel restricted the use of magic. Now with the new peace, I'd like that to change.","ELIJAH: Am I to assume that you have a certain feast day in mind?","GENEVIEVE: The F\u00eate des B\u00e9n\u00eadictions. Feast of the Blessings. In the past, members of the community offered witches gifts in exchange for blessings. We'd like to use it as a forum for introducing our young Harvest girls to society.","ELIJAH: So your coven attempted to destroy my family and you yourself held my siblings in unspeakable torment. And you would like a party for the witches.","KLAUS: [chuckles]","GENEVIEVE: I made my amends with your brother. Why don't you think it over?","[Genevieve leaves]","KLAUS: Oh, don't be such a stiff, Elijah. The tourists love a good festival. Besides, what better way to cement the solidarity than a show of faith toward a one-time enemy?","ELIJAH: A onetime enemy with whom you've grown rather nauseatingly intimate.","KLAUS: Well, who said maintaining alliances can't be fun?","ELIJAH: One would think you'd be a little more interested in attending to the needs of the mother of your child.","KLAUS: So, she's the reason behind this oh-so-thoughtful renovation? Elijah, the truth is, the mother of my child is werewolf royalty. She's far safer in the bayou with her pack than she would ever be here with us. Don't worry. I'll bring her home before the birth. No child of mine will be born in a swamp.","THE BAYOU","[Hayley is drinking tea on the porch with Eve, and remarking on all the new werewolves who have shown up in the bayou and flooded the encampments]","HAYLEY: You've gotta be kidding me. Seriously, what is going on? Who are all these people? Why are they standing out here all weird and lurky?","EVE: They've come from all over. All the packs.","HAYLEY: Why? To see a baby that isn't even born yet?","OLIVER: [comes out from inside the house] Forget the baby. These freaks, they come here to see you. You know, given the place your parents held in pack hierarchy, maybe they think you're gonna be the long-lost werewolf messiah or something.","HAYLEY: Great. No pressure or anything.","[Oliver's phone rings, so he walks away to take it]","OLIVER: Hello?","KLAUS: Oliver. I trust you have an update on the matter we discussed.","OLIVER: Yeah, um, about that. We got wolves coming in by the truckload right now, so it's gonna be a little tricky to find just one guy. I mean, all you gave me was a first name.","KLAUS: Yes. His name is Cary. He's got blond hair and brown eyes. He's one of my clan, a distant relative from the northeast Atlantic pack. His presence is required if we are to continue with our plan. You find him and you bring him to me.","OLIVER: All right, fine. I'm on it.","KLAUS: Another thing-- my brother will soon invite you to a feast honoring the witches. You and your friends will graciously accept the invitation.","OLIVER: Why the hell would I do that?","KLAUS: Because if Elijah believes his treaty is working, he'll be less inclined to get in my way.","ROUSSEAU'S","[Klaus enters the restaurant to talk to Cami]","CAMI: What do you want?","KLAUS: I formed an alliance with someone who may be able to help your uncle.","CAMI: Let me guess. Tall, redhead, axe to grind? Those resurrected witches are the ones who hexed Kieran in the first place. Why would she want to help?","KLAUS: Because it's my decree that she does. I believe the words you're looking for are \"thank you.\" By all means, say no if you have an alternative.","CAMI: No. [Klaus leaves, but Cami changes her mind] Wait. Do whatever you have to do. Just help him.","MARCEL'S HIDEOUT","[Marcel and Thierry are working on their scheme against Klaus]","THIERRY: You wanted me to keep an eye on Klaus? I did. If you ask me, this is a good thing. Him fawning all over a girl you've got wrapped around your finger helps us.","MARCEL: I don't want Cami getting hurt. She's already got witches spying on her. Do you have any idea what Klaus is gonna do when he finds out that we hooked up?","THIERRY: Not my problem. The thing we need to worry about is what his hybrid ass is up to.","MARCEL: He's got something going on with the witches, and he's doing it behind Elijah's back. Whatever he's up to, if I can find proof...","THIERRY: [skeptical] Oh, you'll what? You're gonna rat him out to his older brother? You're gonna turn them against each other? You're exiled from the Quarter. Elijah even smells you coming and you're dead.","MARCEL: You don't know them like I do. They're half-turned against each other already. Drama, pride, guilt, envy, all built up like a powder keg. All you have to do is light a match. [he looks out the window]","THIERRY: Then where do we buy matches? Look around, Marcel. We have nothing.","MARCEL: I started with nothing. Hell, things didn't get rolling until I turned you. You and your music and the whole city for the taking. Those were the days, T. Let's go get them back.","COVEN HOUSE","[The French Quarter coven has convened in the home's greenhouse for a meeting with Genevieve]","GENEVIEVE: And who put you in charge?","MONIQUE: I communed with the ancestors. They said it's time for you to sacrifice yourself.","GENEVIEVE: Of course. It will be an honor to fulfill my duty to our coven. But it's not quite my time yet.","MONIQUE: The ancestors were very clear. We need for you to die, so our community can have the full power of the Harvest.","GENEVIEVE: Careful, Monique. Not so long ago, I was one of those ancestors. A spirit forced to watch as little by little, witches surrendered everything to vampires. We may no longer live under Marcel's thumb, but I for one don't particularly enjoy answering to Elijah, either. Before I take my leave, I'd like to ensure that you have the power to control your own fate. The Mikaelsons' mother Esther was a powerful witch. Her spellbook contains enchantments that we can use to our own ends. I can steal it for our coven and we'll never be held in subjugation again. You'll have your sacrifice. But, I have things to do before I die.","VAMPIRE TERRITORY, HUMAN TERRITORY, & WEREWOLF TERRITORY","[Elijah is meets with Diego and the rest of the the Vampire Faction about the Feast of Blessings]","DIEGO: You want us to go to a witch event on bended knee and give them a gift? I'm sorry, but I just remembered. We're busy doing just about anything else that night.","ELIJAH: Diego, this isn't a request. Your name is on that treaty. Now, if you have any difficulty whatsoever with your newfound position, I'd be more than willing to remove you.","DIEGO: I never thought I'd see the day. Vampires bowing down to witches.","[Elijah meets with Francesca, the Human Faction leader]","ELIJAH: I see it as a demonstration of strength, acknowledging a lesser faction.","FRANCESCA: But you're not asking, are you? [laughs] Oh, I see it's true what they say about you, Elijah. You make even strong-arming seem noble. Well, the tourists do eat this stuff up. Can you imagine what they'd think if they suddenly found out it was all real? I take it you want me at the public show and the private party afterward?","ELIJAH: That is correct.","FRANCESCA: I'd be happy to attend. And in return, you will owe the humans a favor.","[Elijah next meets with Jackson, Oliver, and Hayley on behalf of the Crescent wolves]","ELIJAH: Your people are uniquely poised to set an example for the rest of the French Quarter. Which is why it's important for the wolves to attend.","HAYLEY: Thanks, but no thanks?","OLIVER: [sighs] Let's hear the man out.","HAYLEY: The witches are the ones that cursed your pack. And they've been nothing but crap to me since I first came to town. [to Elijah] No. We're not going.","JACKSON: It's a new day in the Quarter, Hayley. I agree with Oliver. If we're gonna coexist, we have to play ball. We'll send a representative with a gift.","[Elijah frowns as Hayley, who is annoyed, walks away. He catches up with her and talks with her privately]","ELIJAH: [whispers] That was too easy. Don't trust him. Don't trust any of them.","ST. ANNE'S CHURCH","[Oliver roughly drags Cary, Klaus' distant relative, into St. Anne's for their meeting with Klaus]","OLIVER: You don't stop squirming, I don't care who you know, I'm gonna kneecap you right here.","[Klaus vamp-speeds toward them, annoyed]","KLAUS: When I asked you to bring Cary to me, it was as my guest. Might I recommend you release him before I opt to release you from your mortal coil.","OLIVER: I found him like you asked, and he jumped me. Now, his pack's been going at mine since the beginning of time. I don't owe him a thing.","KLAUS: You see, it's that short-sighted attitude that led to the demise of the werewolves.","OLIVER: I'm pretty sure Marcel and the witches did that.","KLAUS: The packs should have been united. Marcel saw that weakness and he exploited it. If you seek to rebuild with only the Crescents, you may as well stay in your hovels in the bog! [turns to Cary and smiles kindly] I don't believe we've had the pleasure of an introduction.","CARY: Legend says you're descended from our line.","KLAUS: The legends are true. Come here. [leads him away and pulls his ring out of his pocket] I understand that this ring was passed down through generations of our family. I need to know what stone it housed.","CARY: I never saw it with a stone.","KLAUS: Could you ask around for me, mate? Hmm? See what you can find out.","MARCEL'S HIDEOUT","[Diego has come over to meet with Thierry about the plan]","DIEGO: You can't just start a revolution, all on your own ,from exile across the river. I mean, like it or not, Elijah's plan is the new reality.","THIERRY: Elijah's got you bowing down to witches. How long until you're kow-towing to werewolves?","DIEGO: [scoffs] Right, and who's gonna lead this rebellion, huh? You?","MARCEL: [walks down the stairs to join them] I got a few ideas.","DIEGO: I remember the last time I stood with you against an Original. Didn't go so well.","MARCEL: All we gotta do is show that we won't bow down. Make enough noise, they'll leave. I figure we can be a lot louder if we're in it together.","DIEGO: Look, Elijah Mikaelson's a dick, no doubt. Thing is, with him at least I know where I stand.","MARCEL: Do you? We've been watching Klaus. Making deals with witches, holding secret meetings with werewolves. You can't trust these people.","DIEGO: [shouts] You're the one who picked up Klaus' coin! You, Marcel. Maybe T's got a short memory, but I don't. You're a coward.","[Marcel lunges at Diego and slams him down on top of his glass coffeetable, which shatters. Thierry immediately jumps in to play peacekeeper]","THIERRY: Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!","MARCEL: When I picked up that coin, I was saving your ass. Klaus was gonna kill all of you. A good leader knows when he's gotta fight another day. Now that day's here. I'm ready. You gonna fight with me?","DIEGO: With what? Huh? Look around. All you've got is Thierry and a whole bunch of talk. You guys don't seem to get it. You lost, all right? I picked the winning side, so if you want to start a war, you're fighting against me.","[Diego storms out of Marcel's loft. Marcel is still angry and disappointed]","MARCEL: Time we got more persuasive.","THE BAYOU","[Hayley comes out on the porch to join Jackson and Oliver. They stop talking when she comes outside, which makes her suspicious]","HAYLEY: What is this? High School?","OLIVER: Why don't you take the hint and mind your own business?","[Hayley grabs him by the arm, spins him around, twists his arm behind his back, and pins him up against the wall, face-first]","HAYLEY: This is my pack. That makes it my business.","JACKSON: No need to get all riled up. It's not good for you, Hayley.","HAYLEY: I have tried to play nice [twists his arm harder] The last month of pregnancy is all hormones and mood swings, so unless you want me to snap your arm like a twig, I suggest that you tell me what is going on.","OLIVER: You can go to hell.","JACKSON: Knock it off. There's no reason to keep it from her.","OLIVER: I can think of a reason. Tall and immortal and wears a pocket scarf.","[Oliver fights against her, but she forcefully pins him back down again]","OLIVER: Uhh!","JACKSON: Hayley, you're one of us. You deserve to know. Now, go on.","[Hayley reluctantly releases him and turns to Jackson for an explanation]","JACKSON: We made an alliance that's gonna change everything for the wolves.","HAYLEY: An alliance with who?","JACKSON: Klaus.","HAYLEY: Tell me everything.","COVEN HOUSE","[Klaus has come to Genevieve's house to ask for her help treating Father Kieran]","GENEVIEVE: You came all this way to beg for some human's life?","KLAUS: Father Kieran's time is running out, and he has been an ally to me.","GENEVIEVE: Your ally, and Cami's uncle. Sorry. As I've already said, there's no way to undo that hex.","KLAUS: Oh, come on. You and I both know there's always a loophole.","GENEVIEVE: Not for this. At least not among my people. Although, I do wonder. Your mother was powerful. She would have had access to all manner of spells. Perhaps I could take a look through her grimoire.","KLAUS: You want to use father Kieran's ailment as an excuse to look through my mother's spellbook. Very devious.","GENEVIEVE: Come on. The grimoire is worthless to you. But with it's power, I could solidify my place in the coven.","KLAUS: No, I'm sorry, love. It's bad enough my mother's power was consecrated with your ancestors. The last thing I need is for you to get a look at an entire book of her dirty, little tricks.","GENEVIEVE: That's unfortunate. Particularly for poor father Kieran. I guess you'll be the one to tell Cami. [Klaus lunges at Genevieve and pins her in a choke-hold against the table. He leans in close to her face]","KLAUS: You think you have leverage over me? I will not be manipulated.","GENEVIEVE: [whispers] Vamisa la visia.","[Klaus groans in pain and releases Genevieve]","GENEVIEVE: And I won't be threatened. So, between the two of us, we each know where we stand. As long as we can retain that mutual respect, I don't see a need for any further demonstrations of power. Don't call me again.","THE FRENCH QUARTER","[It is night now, and the Feast of Blessings parade begins down the main street. The witches march down the street, and the three currently-alive Harvest girls are hoisted above the crowd on thrones. The girls are each dressed for the element they represented in the Harvest--Monique in floral earth tones, for earth; Davina in bright red-orange, for fire; and Abigail in white, for air. Genevieve anxiously watches it all from the sidelines]","GENEVIEVE: [to a fellow witch] It's time. Klaus will be at the event, which means the compound will be empty. You know what to do.","[Genevieve joins the Harvest girls on stage to greet the crowd]","GENEVIEVE: Now, in accordance with the F\u00eate des B\u00e9n\u00e9dictions, the witches of New Orleans bless you all!","[The crowd cheers. Genevieve steps offstage. Monique steps forward first, and creates a mild earthquake that rumbles the ground below them. Then, Abigail steps forward and raises her arms to create very strong winds that blow around the crowd of tourists. Finally, Davina steps forward, turns around, and raises her palm to the sign behind her, which immediately ignites with fire and sets off dozens of fireworks, which makes the crowd cheer again]","[SCENE_BREAK]","THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND","[The witch Genevieve sent has entered the compound, and begins to look around the courtyard. After a moment, he finds Esther's grimoire laying on the table, and reaches for it]","KLAUS: [above, on the balcony] A little too easy, isn't it? I've been expecting you. [he vamp-speeds down to him] You're late.","THE QUARTER","[Music plays as Elijah waits near the entrance and waits for Davina to pass through]","ELIJAH: Davina.","DAVINA: Elijah.","ELIJAH: It's lovely to see you. And under far better circumstances.","DAVINA: Is it? My friend Tim is still dead, and your brother's still breathing.","GENEVIEVE: [appears behind her] Davina, that's enough. Elijah has been a patron to us this evening. We will show him respect. [to Elijah] Thank you for all of this.","ELIJAH: This isn't for you. You know as well as I that your people would never accept a truce unless we showed them some respect. So be it. Enjoy your party.","[Hayley enters just as Genevieve leaves]","ELIJAH: [smiles] Strange. I thought you'd be in the company of your colorful friends. HAYLEY: Oh. You asked for a representative for the werewolves, so take me or leave me.","[Elijah smiles and holds out his arm, which Hayley reluctantly takes]","INSIDE THE PARTY","[Monique glares at Davina, who is talking and giggling with some guests. Genevieve catches up with her]","GENEVIEVE: Is something wrong?","MONIQUE: These people came to praise witches. What has she done to prove herself worthy?","GENEVIEVE: She's a Harvest girl. Like you. [gestures for Monique to walk with her]","MONIQUE: Our power is a gift from the ancestors. I've had to make sacrifices to honor that gift. I lost my mother, my aunt. Davina has done nothing but stand against us.","GENEVIEVE: She just needs a little lesson. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's putting people in their place.","[Genevieve kicks off the after-party by greeting the guests]","GENEVIEVE: (CLINKING) Welcome. As is our time-honored tradition, you are all welcome to deliver your offerings. It is our custom that no one should be turned away, no blessing be denied.","[Guests line up to bring their offerings to the Harvest girls. First is Hayley, who smiles at Davina and is about to give her gift to her, but is stopped by an attendant. She tells Hayley to give the gift to Monique, which she does. The next person, Francesca gives their gift to Abigail. Genevieve watches as no one gives their gift to Davina]","CAMI: [behind Genevieve] Do you get any gifts?","GENEVIEVE: What are you doing here?","CAMI: Technically, I'm crashing, but it's you I came to see. Don't worry, I just want to say my piece and then I'll leave. Here.","GENEVIEVE: And what is this?","CAMI: An offering, from me. I know we have no reason to like each other, but I want to honor what Elijah has built. What my uncle worked for.","GENEVIEVE: Oh. So this is about your uncle.","CAMI: Like I said, I know you have no reason to help me, but Klaus said a long time ago, you were cheated out of life, and if I can't help him, if you can't help him, so will he. And, so I'm asking you, please. [Genevieve opens the gift to find an antique hair comb] Klaus said you were from this era. And I thought with your red hair...","GENEVIEVE: [is obviously touched by her gift] I had one just like this. Perhaps I can help you.","INSIDE THE PARTY","[The line to give offerings to the Harvest girls continue. Davina has still not received any gifts, and Monique sends Davina smug smiles every time she gets a new gift. Davina, near tears, runs away and bumps into Josh on her way out]","DAVINA: Josh! What are you doing here?","JOSH: What, are you kidding? No way I'd miss out on your big day. Besides, music, wind, fire? The club kid in me is, like, in heaven. [notices how sad she is] You don't look like you're having much fun, though. Hey. Come on. Let's get out of here.","[He's about to lead her away when Klaus notices him]","KLAUS: [appears] Joshua. What a fortunate coincidence, finding you here. We have unfinished business.","DAVINA: [to Klaus] You need to leave here. Right now.","KLAUS: Now, to be fair, love, you're not quite as powerful as you once were, are you? You're in no position to give orders. [vamp-speeds over to Josh and grabs him by the neck] Come along, lad.","JOSH: Hey, can we talk about this?","[Davina follows them into the main room of the party]","DAVINA: Josh!","KLAUS: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please. We are gathered here today to pay homage to our beloved witches, but one very special witch has been utterly ignored. That seems a little unfair to me. [he hands her a small box as his offering]","DAVINA: No. I don't want your gift.","KLAUS: I understand why you would reject me, given our past. In truth, many of us here today have been wronged in the conflict which my brother's treaty ended. Your friend Josh was involved in a plot to kill me. It would be well within my right to execute him here and now. But, in the spirit of solidarity, and for your favor, Davina, I hereby pardon him. Josh from this day forward, you have nothing to fear from me. Please. [hands Davina the box]","[Klaus leaves the two of them, and Josh beams in relief]","JOSH: So, are you gonna open it? [she opens it, and looks stunned when she finds a lapis lazuli ring and a small, folded up piece of parchment] What? What is it?","DAVINA: It's the spell that makes daylight rings.","[Hayley walks through the party as Klaus catches up with her and wraps an arm around her]","KLAUS: I hear you made quite an impression with the wolves. My arrangement with them was supposed to be a secret, and yet you forced it out of them. It's very bold. As was your decision to represent them here today, on your own. I trust you'll do nothing to harm our cause.","HAYLEY: Are you really gonna go behind Elijah's back?","KLAUS: Come on! What difference does it make to you as long as your people benefit?","HAYLEY: If I find out that you are playing some game, trying to manipulate us for one of your schemes--","KLAUS: [interrupts her]--You know, you've come a long way, little wolf. I knew you were tough, I knew you were cunning, but I never knew you were a queen.","[A large group of drummers marches into the party. Confused, Hayley, Elijah and Klaus linger nearby and watch them]","LEAD DRUMMER: Happy F\u00eate des B\u00e9n\u00e9dictions. We have a message for all of you from Marcel Gerard.","[The crowd frowns, and everyone starts whispering to each other. All of the drummers take out straight razors and slice their wrists open, bleeding all over the floor. The vampires in the room start to get antsy and vamp-out at the smell of blood]","ELIJAH: Control yourselves. This is a vulgar trick. [shouts] We do not violate our agreement.","[The lights suddenly go out, and the vampires start feeding on the drummers, as well as other humans at the party. The crowd dissolves into chaos]","GENEVIEVE: [runs toward the Harvest girls and grabs another witch to help] Get them out of here!","[The chaos continues, and when the lights switch back on, there are dozens of dead\/injured humans lying on the ground. On the walls, someone has written \"THERE WILL BE NO PEACE\" on the wall]","HAYLEY: Hey! - Elijah?","ELIJAH: Hayley. It's okay. It's all right. [he picks her up and helps her out of the party]","OUTSIDE MARCEL'S HIDEOUT","[Thierry and Marcel are recapping the night's events]","THIERRY: Blood on the walls. Pile of bodies. All in all, I'd say message received.","MARCEL: Did you get Davina out first?","THIERRY: As planned, Josh took care of Davina. I made sure the other Harvest girls got out in the clear.","MARCEL: That was just the warning shot. Now we double down.","ELIJAH: [shouts out] Marcel!","[Elijah tackles Thierry and throws him against the building]","THIERRY: Aah!","ELIJAH: [vamp-speeds so he is face-to-face with Marcel] I warned you. [he shoves Marcel against the wall] And yet still, you return to the French Quarter.","MARCEL: You gonna kill me, Elijah? Go ahead. But then you won't know what Klaus has got going with that witch in his pocket.","ELIJAH: Oh, whatever shall I do? I suppose I could just ask him.","MARCEL: Yeah. Make sure he tells you all about the secret meetings with the werewolves. That is, if he's still speaking to you once he knows that you killed me.","[Thierry picks himself up off the ground]","ELIJAH: Do you not know me?","[Elijah shoves his fist into Marcel's chest and grabs his heart. When Thierry jumps in to protect him, Elijah does the same to Thierry, who groans in pain]","ELIJAH: For your violation.","[Elijah rips out Thierry's heart]","MARCEL: [kneels next to Thierry's body] No. No, no.","ELIJAH: [holds Thierry's heart in Marcel's face] You live or you die according to my will. Try to remember that.","[Marcel starts to cry]","AFTER THE PARTY","[Klaus catches up with Genevieve]","KLAUS: You left without my offering.","GENEVIEVE: Your vampires ruined my party.","KLAUS: Oh, they're not my vampires anymore, love. Although, Marcel certainly took a page out of my book for dramatic effect. Look, I owed Davina some consolation because I killed her first love. I do try to make up for my wrong-doings. As with our little quarrel earlier. So, here. [hands her a gift] I picked it out earlier tonight. A friend of yours gave me a hand.","GENEVIEVE: And what friend was that?","KLAUS: Well, open it. See for yourself. [she opens the box to find the witch's severed hands resting inside] Did you really think I would leave my mother's grimoire unprotected?","GENEVIEVE: A century ago, I dreamed of what it would be like to know you. Now I'm glad I didn't. I might have been naive enough to fall for you, or fear you, but I learned a lot in death. And trust me, Klaus Mikaelson--It's you who should be afraid of me.","KLAUS: Pity. I will miss the s*x.","GENEVIEVE: Your friend Cami showed up tonight. Her offering was quite sweet. So, I gave her hope that I would lift Kieran's hex, but there is no hope. Or if there was, there isn't now.","KLAUS: If the priest dies, then believe me, you will follow swiftly after him.","GENEVIEVE: [laughs] It would be foolish of you to kill me, a potential ally, in defense of some powerless human who is, by the way, sleeping with your enemy Marcel.","THE BAYOU","[Hayley is pacing around outside by a fire as she talks to Jackson]","HAYLEY: I've learned my lesson. At first I was against your plan. I thought that we should just live with Elijah's treaty, but after that party, those innocent people. There will never be a peace. The weak will always be at the mercy of whoever is calling the shots.","JACKSON: It's survival of the fittest. We need to protect ourselves. And we we need to protect each other.","HAYLEY: We need to use Klaus' help while he's still willing to give it. But, Jackson, from now on, you have to tell me everything. And no matter what, we do not trust Klaus.","THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND","[Klaus returns home to find Elijah waiting for him, with his hands still bloody from killing Thierry]","KLAUS: Well, I see that you've already avenged the little wolf. But judging by your look, you're still out for blood.","ELIJAH: If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results, then surely my quest for your salvation ranks me as one of the maddest of men.","KLAUS: Come on, then. What horrible deed has the b*st*rd done this time?","ELIJAH: Do you know, in the past, I actually appreciated the methods to your manipulations? However, now, here we are, poised on the brink of a new era which will benefit not only your home but your child, and you go behind my back to conspire with wolves.","KLAUS: Conspire is hardly the word I would use for a family council. Lest you forget, Elijah, they are my family as much as any Mikaelson. A name, in truth, I cannot even call my own.","ELIJAH: How casually you disavow 1,000 years of allegiance towards you.","KLAUS: And now that I've found the remnants of my other family, am I to ignore their plight? I would've thought you'd support my desire to help them, when in doing so, I help Hayley, and the child.","ELIJAH: Do not question my allegiance towards that child.","KLAUS: Oh, and I suppose your affection for Hayley has nothing to do with your tireless dedication. Yes, you see, I saw how you cared for her tonight. Called her name in the dark. The zeal with which you destroy those who would harm her.","ELIJAH: I have denied every single impulse I have ever had for that woman. Out of some misbegotten respect for intentions that you don't even have. KLAUS: I'm warning you...","ELIJAH: I'm warning you. I've forgiven you. I have stood by you. I've forsaken every single one of my desires in the name of your ridiculous redemption. No more. If I want something I'll take it. And nothing nothing will stand in my way.","ROSSEAU'S","[Klaus has arrived at Rousseau's to talk to Cami]","CAMI: Klaus, what are you doing here?","KLAUS: I came here to apologize. I've made a terrible mistake.","CAMI: Whatever it is, you should sleep it off. I'm sure it can wait 'til morning.","KLAUS: You went to Genevieve. She was moved by your plea. She may even have cured Kieran. But I insulted her. And as a means of revenge, she is refusing him aid. Kieran will die because of me, and it will be a horrible death.","CAMI: Why are you telling me this?","KLAUS: Because I believe that secrets are a poison. They need to be spat out. Like your secret...about your time with Marcel.","CAMI: Isn't that what you wanted? You compelled me to go out with Marcel. You made me your spy. And maybe it's your fault we got together, and you're just mad because you didn't get to control it.","KLAUS: You tell Marcel if I see him again, I'll kill him.","THE BAYOU","[Music plays as the werewolves all hang out together outside around a bonfire. Eve and Elijah are together nearby, talking]","EVE: You don't need to keep coming out. I'd tell you if something was wrong. But she's doing okay. The girl has a natural gift for leading. She surprised everyone.","ELIJAH: [smiles and watches Hayley laugh and talk to her family] Not everyone.","EVE: Do you want to join us?","ELIJAH: What I want Is for that girl to be happy. Don't tell her I was here.","[Elijah disappears]","OUTSIDE MARCEL'S HIDEOUT","[Marcel has covered Thierry's body and douses it in alcohol]","MARCEL: This is Thierry Vanchure. Mean-ass horn player, lover of feisty women--witch, vampire, and human alike. [sighs] I rebuilt this city with him and he always had my back. Even when I screwed up and forgot to have his. And now All I can do is promise you this, T. I won't let you die in vain. I will take back our city.","[Vampires start to jump down from rooftops around Marcel, including Diego]","DIEGO: Going up against the Originals? For real, no backing down?","MARCEL: No backing down.","LAFAYETTE CEMETERY","[The coven has gathered to discuss Genevieve's fate]","MONIQUE: You failed us.","GENEVIEVE: I told you. It will take time.","MONIQUE: Do you think the ancestors care about your excuses? The vampires attacked us. We can't retaliate until we possess our full strength. Your sacrifice is the final step. [holds out Harvest knife]","GENEVIEVE: [begins coughing and gasping due to Monique's spell]","MONIQUE: [channels the ancestors] Nous concedumus sa vie a Genevieve. Si elle hecatage a filia de Mikaelson.","GENEVIEVE: [gasps] What are they saying?","MONIQUE: They told me to let you live. But in exchange, they want another offering. One of their choosing.","GENEVIEVE: Tell me. Whatever it is they want, I will make sure they get it. I swear it.","MONIQUE: It's the child. They want us to kill Klaus' child.","[Genevieve looks shocked and afraid]","END EPISODE","Wiki"],"Show Title":"The Originals","Episode Number":"01x18","Episode Title":"The Big Uneasy","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Originals_02x17.json","Recap":["Eva Sinclair's reemergence leaves Rebekah trapped and tries to get close to Hope. So, Klaus puts aside his mistrust for Freya to save Rebekah's life. Meanwhile, Hayley and Elijah learn more about Eva's violent past. Klaus introduces Freya to Esther. Eva claims that all the children is asleep but not dead. Klaus tells Esther that Hope is alive and need the spell to put Rebekah back in her body. Marcel turns to Vincent for help to take down Eva, but his plan takes an unexpected turn. After telling the plans, Freya kills Esther."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Freya: Dahlia will come here, drawn by your daughter. She will kill anyone who would defy her.","Elijah: Yet you would defy her.","Freya: My one chance is to align with you and kill her.","Klaus: Should Freya betray us, what if Hope should be harmed through her actions?","Elijah: We have to consider every weapon at our disposal, brother.","Josephine: The Treme coven wants Vincent Griffith returned.","(Chanting)","(Gasping)","Vincent: Who are you?","Elijah: Vincent Griffith is alive and free from the influence of my brother Finn.","Ruben: A witch named Eva Sinclair was stealing children to channel their power.","Rebekah: Given that there's a witch inside me trying to break out, probably shouldn't be alone right now.","Cami: I see Marcel let you out.","Vincent: I told him what I knew, but if Eva's coming back here, I don't want anything to do with her.","Rebekah? Rebekah?","Rebekah: I'm having flashes of memory, but they fade almost as soon as I've had them.","(The scene cuts from inside Eva's mind-space, to the Mikaelson compound, to Elijah's apartment in Algiers, to the warehouse where Eva is keeping the children she's channeling, and to Rousseau's. All the while, Eva\/Rebekah narrate in voiceover)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EVA'S MIND ]","(Eva\/Rebekah are sleeping in the compound, giving both of them free reign of Eva's mind. The space has taken the form of the warehouse where Eva is keeping all of the children she is channeling, and everything has a greenish-hue to it)","Eva \/ Rebekah (V.O.): All of us live with a demon inside.","(In the space, Eva is skulking around the warehouse, trying to find Rebekah, who has taken the form of her 5-6 year old self in Eva's mind)","Eva: (yelling) Rebekah Mikaelson!","(Rebekah, who is hiding in a dark corner behind some machinery, gets scared and whimpers as she gets up and runs away)","Eva: (yelling) You can't hide from me forever!","(Young Rebekah continues to run away from her in fright)","Eva \/ Rebekah (V.O.): Some days, you control the demon.","(Young Rebekah runs right into Eva, who grabs her by the arms and shakes her violently)","Eva: (crazed) This is my house!","Eva \/ Rebekah: (shrieks) Ahhhhhhh!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]","(Suddenly, Eva wakes up with a gasp in her bed to find Marcel sitting in a chair across from her, reading a book and keeping an eye on her. He puts his book down as he looks at her in concern, thinking she's Rebekah)","Marcel: You okay?","Eva \/ Rebekah (V.O.): And other days, it controls you.","(Eva glares at Marcel for a moment before smirking and holding up her hands to cast a pain infliction spell on him. Marcel collapses onto his knees in pain)","Marcel: Ahhhhh!","(Eva flicks her wrist, snapping Marcel's neck with telekinesis and causing him to slump over onto the floor, blood dripping from his mouth)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ELIJAH'S APARTMENT ]","(Elijah is sitting on his bed with his button-up shirt open, and he looks up at Gia, who is standing in front of him in a tank top and underwear)","Eva \/ Rebekah (V.O.): And it is always hungry.","(Elijah vamp-speeds to his feet, reaches behind Gia's head, and pulls her head toward him so he can kiss her before spinning them around and pushing her onto the bed on her back as they continue to make out)","Eva \/ Rebekah (V.O.): It feeds on lust, on longing.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ]","(All the children Eva has been channeling, including Davina, are still sprawled unconscious all over the floor in a corner)","Eva \/ Rebekah (V.O.): And while you may slumber...","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]","(Eva is wandering around the compound, where she stops to stare at an old-fashioned painting of Rebekah on the wall for a moment until she hears the sound of Hope crying nearby and wanders over to her nursery, where she finds a werewolf guard standing outside the door)","Eva \/ Rebekah (V.O.): .. It tempts you into crossing every line you've ever drawn. All while it hunts you...","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ELIJAH'S APARTMENT ]","(Gia and Elijah are laying naked under the covers of his bed. Gia is asleep, curled up against Elijah's chest, but he's still awake, and thinks quietly while he plays with her hair)","Eva \/ Rebekah (V.O.): .. Haunts you...","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ROUSSEAU'S ]","(Vincent is at a table with a glass of bourbon, and is staring sadly at a photobooth photograph of himself and Eva before she began hunting children)","Eva \/ Rebekah (V.O.): .. Renders you incapable of telling friend from foe.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]","(The werewolf guard outside Hope's room has been killed, and Eva steps into the nursery to stare at Hope, who is laying in her crib)","Eva \/ Rebekah: But once it's turned your loved ones into enemies, the demon would have consumed you whole.","(Hayley, having heard the commotion, enters the nursery from her bedroom and finds Eva standing over Hope's crib. When she sees the dead werewolf on the floor, she realizes that something is wrong, and her hybrid face comes out as she lunges for Eva)","Hayley: Get away from her!","(She grabs Eva by the arm to pull her away and slams her head on the nearby dresser. Eva falls to the floor as Hayley goes to check on Hope, but before she can grab her, Eva telekinetically throws Hayley back into her bedroom, where she slams into the back wall. Klaus storms into the room when he hears the crashing sound from his bedroom)","Klaus: (furious) Rebekah! What are you doing?","(Klaus lunges for her, but she casts a pain infliction spell on him. Hayley runs back in to take her out, but Eva casts another spell on her as well, and she falls to her knees and chokes as Eva glares at them. Klaus forces himself to lean forward so he can claw a set of deep gashes into her thigh with his fingernails, which causes Eva to scream in pain)","Eva: (shrieks) Ahhh!","(Realizing she's overpowered, Eva lets go of the spell and jumps out the window, leaving Klaus and Hayley too busy recovering from her assault to follow her. They both stare down at Hope, who is sitting calmly in her crib, completely at ease, before giving each other worried looks)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]","(Klaus, Marcel, and Hayley are in Klaus' study, where he's pulling a pair of the magic-cancelling manacles that Kol's witches enchanted into dark objects in 1914)","Klaus: I should really stop packing these away. There's always one family member or another in need of a good shackling. (He hands the manacles to Marcel) Find Rebekah-- or Eva, or whoever the bloody hell that was-- use these to stop her from doing magic. And don't hurt her. The non-psychopathic bits are still my sister.","Marcel: (worried) Alright, I won't be the only one looking for her. She killed witch-kids. The twenty-four hour hold that Elijah got the covens to agree to? Ended at midnight. Every witch in the city is gonna be gunning for her.","Klaus: (sighs and turns to Hayley) Go to Elijah. Get her to charm his elderly witch into calling off the hunt.","Hayley: (annoyed) And leave Hope? Don't you think I should stay here and protect our daughter?","Klaus: (frustrated) Jackson has been working night and day to secure this compound, surrounding it with his werewolf army. Not to mention the fact that I'm here, and I know the best way to protect our child is to get Rebekah out of that serial killer's body and back into the original model.","Hayley: (not pleased) Hmm. And, what will you be doing while we're out doing all the dirty work?","Klaus: Why, tending to the even dirtier work, as usual.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LARUE MANSION ]","(Elijah and Gia, who are dressed up in cocktail attire again, are standing in Josephine's living room with Hayley, who is in her usual loose top, jeans, and combat boots. She seems to sense the budding relationship between Elijah and Gia, and keeps clearing her throat awkwardly, which does not go unnoticed by either of them. After an uncomfortable silence, Gia finally speaks up)","Gia: ...I'm gonna see if I can find Josephine.","(Hayley smiles fakely as she leaves, and once she's gone, she clears her throat again and gives Elijah a significant look. He can't help but smile bashfully in response as they wait for their hostess)","Hayley: (sarcastically) Well, now I see why you didn't answer my calls. (She pauses a beat and sits in a chair) Did she have to come with us?","Elijah: (sits next to her) Josephine LaRue can be rather recalcitrant. She is, however, enamored with Gia's musical prowess and cavalier spirit.","Hayley: Huh. So, the baby-vamp is now the Witch-Whisperer? (Elijah smiles and sighs) I'm just glad that you found someone so... multi-talented to spend your time with...","Elijah: (rolls his eyes) What exactly do you want from me?","(Hayley looks at him but remains silent. Before she can answer, Josephine and Gia join them in the living room, and Elijah stands to his feet to greet her)","Elijah: Madame LaRue.","Josephine: Mr. Mikaelson.","(Elijah gently kisses her on each cheek in greeting before she settles down in an armchair to talk with them)","Josephine: Have you come to impress me once more with young Gia's rare talents? (She notices Hayley scowling in the doorway and looks at Elijah in amusement) What, pray tell, does this one do?","Elijah: (smiles) This one is family, Madame. (Hayley smiles tightly at Josephine and stays silent) But, we've come to ask for a favor.","(Josephine looks at him curiously)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]","(Klaus is staring at the painting of Rebekah from several centuries ago when Freya arrives and joins him, though Klaus doesn't even turn to acknowledge her presence)","Freya: (looks at the painting) Our sister was quite the beauty.","Klaus: You said that you could put Rebekah back in her original body. Do it.","Freya: (laughs in amusement) So, you've come to your senses?","Klaus: My senses have not faltered. They still demand that you are not to be trusted. However, circumstance dictates otherwise... for now.","Freya: (not amused) What's changed?","Klaus: Eva Sinclair has resumed control of her body, leaving Rebekah trapped and powerless. So, make with your spells and enchantments and put my sister back in her true body!","Freya: (closes her eyes and sighs in frustration) I'm afraid it's not that simple.","Klaus: (smiles weakly) More stalling. Very well. I know I can't kill you, but I shall have a fine time trying. Tell me, have you ever been skinned alive?","Freya: The problem is Rebekah's condition has worsened. (Klaus' smile falls, and he turns away from her) When I offered to help, she was in control of Eva's body. She's lost inside Eva. I don't have a spell that could breech Eva's mind and find her.","Klaus: Fortunately for you, I know someone well-versed in such spells.","(Klaus opens up the wooden box from earlier and pulls out the other pair of magic-disabling shackles before vamp-speeding over to her and slapping them on her wrists before she can react. Freya is startled by the action, but doesn't seem surprised, and simply glares at Klaus angrily)","Klaus: (smirks) Let's go meet her, shall we?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ROUSSEAU'S \/ LARUE MANSION ]","(The scene cuts between Marcel and Vincent's conversation at Rousseau's, and Elijah, Hayley, and Gia's conversation with Josephine at her home)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ROUSSEAU'S ]","(Vincent is still sitting at his table, surrounded by multiple empty glasses of bourbon and a small plate of french fries as he continues to stare at the photo of him and Eva together. After a moment, Marcel arrives and sits across from him)","Marcel: (notices the drinks around him) A little early, isn't it?","Vincent: (sighs) You know why I'm sitting here day-drinking in the Quarter all by my lonesome? (Marcel shakes his head) Because I'm pretty much done and through with the vamps, wolves, and witches of this town. And, from some of the looks I've been getting, they're through with me, too. So, if I'm sitting here, they don't see me, and if I drink... (He holds up his full glass of bourbon and taps it with his fingers before chugging the whole glass down) .. after a while, I don't see them, either.","(Marcel picks up the photo of Vincent and Eva and holds it up)","Marcel: And how many is it gonna take before she disappears?","(Vincent reaches for the photo, but Marcel yanks it out of his reach)","Vincent: Come on, man...","Marcel: Uh-uh. You need to know that she is back and on the loose, and I need to find her before the witches do so I can save my friend, who is trapped inside of her. And I came to you, because you are the only person in this city who knows her inside-out.","(Marcel holds out the photo, and Vincent quickly snatches it from his hand before pulling out his wallet and returning the photo to one of the pockets)","Vincent: Look man, I'm sorry about your friend. But, if Eva is back in control of her body...","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LARUE MANSION ]","(Josephine, Elijah, Hayley, and Gia pick up their conversation where Vincent left off)","Josephine: Then, you need to let the witches put that body down! Eva will use up your sister, just like she did the others.","Hayley: (concerned) The others?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ROUSSEAU'S ]","(Vincent and Marcel continue the conversation at their table)","Vincent: The first of the kids went missing two years ago. Feels like a lifetime. I was, uh, clocking in: college, work, coven. Felt like a normal life. But, um, had this woman. Met when we were sixteen years old, did our first bit of magic together... it was so insanely intense.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LARUE MANSION ]","Josephine: Eva was a wild beauty practicing a wild magic. But, she and Vincent were so happy, we let them be.","Elijah: (sighs) And then the children began to disappear.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ROUSSEAU'S ]","Vincent: First was a little girl named Amelie Dupree from Algiers. Then, Lou-Anne Hughes from the 9th, Nicholas Alseis from the Trem\u00e9... (He kisses his fingertips as a sort of prayer to the child) All young kids, all witch prodigies... *phew* .. vanished into thin air. So, I put together a posse of guys from each of the covens, but the killer cloaked the kids so quickly, our locator spells was useless.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LARUE MANSION ]","Josephine: But, because of Vincent's tenacity, she was caught.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ROUSSEAU'S ]","Vincent: It was a fluke! I was able to slap a locator spell on one of the kids right after he got snatched, and I got nothing at first. And then a car, and then a face... But that face, man-- it was Eva. (He laughs bitterly) The love of my life. (Marcel looks troubled as he continues listening to the story) So, I caught her, confronted her... and then I saw the truth. She kept pleading with me... (He begins to imitate Eva) .. \"Vince! Just three more little girls, Vince! Just three!\"","Marcel: (confused) Why three?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LARUE MANSION ]","(Josephine answers Marcel's question for Gia, Elijah and Hayley)","Josephine: To complete the Rite of Nines.","Gia: (confused) The Rite of Nines?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ROUSSEAU'S ]","Vincent: Eva thought if she sacrificed a witch from each of the nine covens, it would create a new witch order in New Orleans. She would have been more powerful than any Elder... (He gestures to Marcel with his hands) .. Any Harvest girl...","Marcel: Wait, wait, wait-- but why kids?","Vincent: Because their magic is untapped. It's pure. And, they're a hell of a lot easier to subdue.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LARUE MANSION ]","(Hayley, Elijah, and Gia suddenly understand Eva's motivations from earlier, and they all look very concerned by this news)","Hayley: That's why she went after my baby.","Josephine: She would have killed your daughter, channeled her powers, as she did with those other poor children.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ROUSSEAU'S ]","Vincent: I never found those kids. They died; unconsecrated, unable to be with our ancestors. Used as a source for Eva's magic.","Marcel: So, help me find her before she takes any more lives, including Rebekah's. (Vincent looks torn, and considers this for a moment) Help me stop her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LARUE MANSION ]","Josephine: We agree she must be stopped; no more of our youth will die. (She stands to her feet) That is why, Mr. Mikaelson, I will not extend your twenty-four hours. (Elijah and Hayley both look stunned and horrified) Eva Sinclair now has a bounty on her head.","Elijah: (outraged) You would condemn my sister to her death?","Josephine: I dislike the term \"collateral damage,\" but there it is. If one or two must fall to take Eva down for good, so be it.","(Elijah glares at Josephine furiously)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]","(Klaus has just brought Freya to the cemetery, where he leads her into the Lyonne tomb, her wrists still shackled with the magic-disabling manacles)","Freya: (holds up her shackled wrists in annoyance) I fail to see the need for these. I'm not your enemy.","Klaus: Oh, they're not to protect me, love! (He pulls her into the main room of the tomb by the manacles and gestures toward a corner) They're to protect her, the one who knows more about mind-invasion and body-jumping than all of us put together.","(Klaus throws two blood bags into the dark corner with a smirk, and Freya takes a step toward it, clearly curious as to who is there. After a moment, Esther's hand reaches out and grabs one of the blood bags to gulp it down quickly before throwing it aside and chugging the second. After a moment, Freya realizes it's her mother, and she quickly turns to leave, only to be stopped by Klaus)","Freya: (horrified) No! No!","Klaus: (still holding Freya by the shoulders) Mother? Freya. Freya? Mother.","(Esther, who still looks very desiccated, looks at them both in confusion as she takes in the sight of her eldest child)","Esther: (in disbelief) It... can't be.","Freya: (turns to Klaus furiously) You won't trust me, but you'll trust her?","Klaus: I trust my mother about as much as I would a stuck snake. (He walks toward Esther) Fortunately, she is now a vampire, and as such, she's vulnerable to my compulsion. (He grabs Esther by the face and stares into her eyes as he compels her) You will answer me truthfully.","(He then picks her up so she's standing on her feet and brings her over to Freya, who glares at both of them)","Klaus: There! Now, at least everything that comes out of her wretched mouth will be honest. Let's raid Mommy Dearest's mind for spells, shall we?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ IDA MAE'S SHOP ]","(Eva has made it to a hideout, where she is making a paste with a mortar and pestle. Once it's finished, she spreads it out over the deep gashes in her thigh and sighs in relief)","Eva: (breathing deeply) Okay.","(She takes a small red bottle and uses the dropper to drip some liquid onto the paste on her leg, which causes her to groan in pain)","Eva: Ahhhhh!","(After a moment, the potions take effect, and she sighs in relief again as she sits back in her chair and relaxes. Suddenly, Marcel vamp-speeds into the room and slaps the magic-disabling manacles onto her wrists before she can react)","Marcel: (laughs) Oh-ho-ho-ho! Not really keen on another witch headache!","Eva: (looks at the shackles in anger) Dark objects? How did a damn vamp find me?","Marcel: I had a little help; someone who knew where an injured witch on the run might go to heal up.","(Eva looks horrified when she sees Vincent come into the room behind Marcel and stare at her)","Eva: (whispers) Vince?","(Marcel suddenly vamp-speeds over to Eva and pins her against a wall)","Marcel: (furious) No time for catch-up! Release Rebekah! Now!","Eva: (smirks) Best not damage the package, or you may never see her again. Or your little adopted witch Davina.","Marcel: (shocked) What did you just say?","Eva: (laughs hysterically) Oh, some daddy-figure you are! I've been feeding off of her for days, and you didn't even know she was gone?","(Marcel vamp-speeds her around and slams her back against the table)","Marcel: (yells) AHHH! Where is she?","Eva: (continues laughing) Release me, and you can have what's left.","(Marcel squeezes her uninjured leg with his hands until his fingernails dig deep into her flesh, and she screams in pain)","Eva: Ahhhh!","Marcel: I think I'll just torture you until you give me what I need!","Vincent: (concerned) Torture ain't gonna do it, man! Half the witches in this city went after her, she ain't say a thing.","(Marcel groans in frustration before reluctantly releasing Eva from his choke-hold and turning toward Vincent)","Marcel: (annoyed) You got a better idea?","Vincent: Yeah! (He walks toward Eva and stares at her) Let me talk to her.","(Eva gives Vincent a hard look, but can't help but smirk at him)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LARUE MANSION ]","(Elijah, Hayley, and Gia are still arguing in favor of protecting Rebekah with Josephine)","Elijah: I assure you, Madame LaRue, we will defend your witches with a fearsome vengeance.","Josephine: You have a wonderful way with words. Really. Your cadence is pleasant. Normally, I could listen to it all day long, but I grow tired of this. My mind remains unchanged.","(Hayley becomes angry and stares at Josephine incredulously)","Hayley: Are you serious? (Josephine looks at her, mildly offended by her outburst. Hayley gestures toward Gia) She puts on a talent show... (She gestures to Elijah) .. He has every vampire in the Quarter kissing your ass, and your final answer is \"Screw you?\"","(Gia stands up and tries to calm her down)","Gia: Hayley...","Hayley: (holds up her hand) Back off.","Elijah: (attempts to mediate) We came here to honor the alliance between us. If this is something you wish to rescind, so be it.","(Elijah turns to leave, and Hayley and Gia are about to follow him when Josephine, who is angry now, stops them)","Josephine: Don't you dare walk into my house and threaten me! I am not the one that needs you, Elijah Mikaelson; it is you who needs us, or you will soon enough.","(Josephine turns to find Hayley standing right behind her, and she roughly grasps Hayley's wrists as she suddenly has some kind of premonition about her)","Josephine: (whispers) There's a storm coming, child. Your darkest demons ride upon it. (Hayley looks alarmed) I do not know its name, but when I peer into your future, there is a blackness that should terrify you.","(Hayley gulps nervously as Josephine continues to stare at her)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ IDA MAE'S SHOP ]","(Eva is still shackled and sitting in a chair as she and Vincent look at each other)","Eva: I heard they'd gotten you, that you'd been taken over by the crazed brother of the other one that's still inside me.","Vincent: Hmm, yup. But, I'm back now.","Eva: (smiles) So you are.","Vincent: (smiles back) Mmm.","Eva: (coldly) The man who sold out his own girl and gave up on their future!","Vincent: Don't start with me! Now, Marcel said that...","Eva: (laughs in amusement) Oh, Vincent, are you kissing vampire ass now?","Vincent: (rolls his eyes and chuckles) Hoo!","Eva: This city could have been free of their kind if you hadn't been such a weak little coward!","Vincent: (raises his voice) You left me with no choice! I couldn't let you go on doing what...","Eva: (interrupts) Oh, please! You saw how beaten down we've become! Covens from every ward fighting each other, half of them working with vampires! Now, change was necessary! Unity was necessary!","Vincent: (exasperated) Killing kids was necessary?","Eva: (hurt) Vincent, I didn't kill any kids! (Vincent gives her a skeptical look) They're still alive! Just asleep. Cloaked, of course.","(Vincent looks torn, and seems to be debating whether or not to believe her)","Vincent: All of them?","Eva: (quieter and calmer) Uh-huh! I just need their power. They don't have to die.","(Vincent looks at her in confusion)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]","(Esther is still processing the revelation that Freya is still alive she, Klaus, and Freya continue to talk in the Lyonne tomb)","Esther: (walks toward Freya with her arms out) My beautiful girl. My first born!","Freya: (furiously pulls on her manacles) Touch me, and I will use these chains to strangle you!","Klaus: Yes, now that we have the pleasantries out the way, let's begin, shall we? (Esther scowls at him) It appears that your delightful sister Dahlia is on her way to New Orleans, hell-bent on stealing my child. I need Rebekah back in her original body so she can help me destroy her.","Esther: (overwhelmed with shock and horror) Your child?","Klaus: (rolls his eyes) Oh, I suppose it is difficult keeping up on current events whilst rotting inside a tomb. (He rubs his hands together and walks toward Esther) Very well. The short version? My child is alive. Dahlia is on her way. Now, the previous tenant of Rebekah's body has seized control and isn't keen on giving it up. (Esther continues to look overwhelmed) Young Freya here, although powerful, lacks the spell to put Rebekah back in her true body. And that's where you come in... (Klaus lunges toward Esther and grabs her by the shoulders as he looks her in the eyes) .. I need you to be a dear and dig deep into that ex-witch mind of yours. (He pulls out a folded stack of blank paper from his inner jacket pocket and hands it to her) Give me the spell that puts Rebekah back.","(Esther glares at Klaus, who simply smiles at her)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ IDA MAE'S SHOP ]","(Eva is still shackled and seated in the chair of the hideout while Vincent leans against the nearby wall and peers out the window as he processes this newly-learned information)","Eva: (stares at Vincent) You know, even when you betrayed me, I didn't blame you. (Vincent turns and walks toward her with an incredulous look on his face) You just couldn't see the light. (She hesitates) But, you see it now, don't you?","(Vincent sighs, and Eva's demeanor changes from calm to furious as she rattles her chains maniacally and begins to yell at him)","Eva: Now that your body was stolen by the same family of vampires that are trying to steal mine! (Vincent looks at her warily, and she calms down and begins to plead with him) You see what's gotta be done.","(Vincent shakes his head in disbelief and begins to pace in front of her)","Eva: Now, I just need one more witch, and then we can finish the ritual! Together. Take all the power we need, and then those kids can go home to their moms! (Vincent looks up at her in surprise and seems to be considering her offer) And then we need never be under their control ever again.","(Vincent walks toward her and is about to say something, but Marcel bursts into the room before he gets the chance to speak)","Marcel: (annoyed) I can hear her yapping, but clearly she's not talking. I guess we're back to square one.","(Eva looks at Vincent anxiously, and Vincent sighs before turning to Marcel)","Vincent: Actually, she did talk, and I decided to listen.","(Marcel gives Vincent a questioning look, and after a moment, Vincent claps his hands together and pushes them together, causing Marcel to once again get another \"witch headache\" and fall to his knees in pain)","Marcel: Ahhh!","(Vincent uses telekinesis to throw him out of the wall of windows and onto the sidewalk, and when he walks toward the wall to check on him, he finds Marcel laying unconscious in the street. Eva looks at him in surprise, clearly impressed and relieved by his actions. When Vincent turns back toward her, Eva stands to her feet and holds out her shackled wrists, and he sighs before reluctantly snapping his fingers, causing the shackles to break open and fall to the floor as they release her. Eva smirks at him)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]","(Hayley, Marcel, Elijah and Gia are at the compound, where they are discussing what to do next. Hayley has Hope in her arms, and she gently bounces her on her hip as she paces around anxiously)","Hayley: Great! Eva is in the wind, although now she has a sidekick.","Elijah: (mutters) The charming Vincent Griffith.","Marcel: (sighs) It gets worse. If Eva has Davina, then she has eight of the witches she needs to finish the ritual. (Elijah looks at him in horror) She just needs one more.","Hayley: (determined) If she comes after Hope, Rebekah or no Rebekah, I will put her down for good.","Elijah: Fortify this house. When they do come, kill him, capture her.","Hayley: (incredulous) Capture?","Elijah: (serious) I will not abandon my sister!","(Hayley looks embarrassed and guilty for her words, but remains silent as she squeezes Hope protectively)","Elijah: Now, gather what wolves you have. With Vincent by her side, she will strike with considerable force.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LARUE MANSION ]","(Josephine is sitting alone in her living room, listening to a record on a gramophone player and sipping a cup of tea. After a moment, the record screeches to a stop when Eva, who has just appeared out of nowhere with Vincent in tow, pulls the pin away. Josephine is so stunned by Eva's appearance that she can't even bring herself to move as she walks toward her)","Eva: (sarcastic) The revered Josephine LaRue. How are you on this very fine day, dear? (Josephine's hands are shaking so badly the teacup and saucer rattle loudly as Eva and Vincent walk toward her) You look nervous. Are you nervous, Josie? You should be. You see, I just need one more special witch to complete my circle. (Eva circles behind Josephine and runs a finger along her shoulder) Now, the hybrid child was a target of opportunity. You? You're a target of choice.","(Eva takes the teacup and saucer out of Josephine's hands, and Josephine looks over at Vincent pleadingly)","Josephine: Vincent, you're not listening to her? (Vincent stares at her blankly) You haven't been yourself lately...","Vincent: (interrupts) You're right! I haven't been. But, now that I'm back, I realized something: the only time I've ever really been myself... (He looks up at Eva, who is still standing behind Josephine) .. is when I'm with her.","Josephine: (appalled) Oh!","(Vincent and Eva both close in around Josephine, and she jerks in her chair)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]","(Esther is writing the spell Freya needs on a sheet of paper, using diagrams of triangles and other shapes to describe what needs to be done, while Freya and Klaus wait impatiently)","Klaus: (annoyed) What is taking so long? You didn't tarry when you attempted to kill my child!","Esther: (hurt) I took no joy in that! I knew if your daughter lived, Dahlia would come, not only for her, but for all of you! And however you may despise me, I would not wish that upon you.","Klaus: How touching!","Freya: (bitterly) Isn't it? I always wondered what maternal compassion sounded like. Of course, I wouldn't know, since you sold me into slavery at the age of five!","Esther: (frustrated) When I made that bargain with my sister, I had no idea what it meant to be a mother! I thought if I had a dozen children, I would not miss the one. And then, you were born. You were beautiful. You had a light about you that put a smile on the face of the hardest man I had ever known. (Klaus seems almost surprised by this statement) And when Dahlia took you, I thought that same light might warm her embittered heart. (Freya glares at her furiously at these words) That you might lead a good life.","Freya: (appalled and enraged) A good life? (She stomps toward Esther and gets in her face) You were my mother! You should have come for me!","Esther: (nods sadly) Yes. I should have. (Her voice becomes colder) But, it would have been a mistake. (She turns to Klaus) The same mistake you will be making if you let this girl help you.","Klaus: (rolls his eyes) For God's sake, speak plainly!","Esther: (walks toward Klaus) The light I saw in Freya as a child, it's gone. While she was mine for five years, Dahlia was her mentor for a thousand. And, like her mentor, she will offer to solve your problem, but for a price.","Freya: (furious) There is no price! I know the...","(Freya lunges for Esther, but Klaus steps between them and pushes her backward away from their mother)","Klaus: No violence until she's finished writing the spell, please! (He turns to Esther) Honestly, it's all temper and no timing with this one. (He chuckles) I, for one, am glad you gave her away so that I could be born. You should think of me as an upgrade!","(Freya only becomes more angry at Klaus' words, and Esther, too, does not seem at all pleased by this reunion)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ]","(Vincent and Eva have just showed up to the warehouse where Eva has been hiding the children she took for the Rite of Nine's. Vincent is carrying Josephine's unconscious body in his arms, and Eva points to the corner)","Eva: There.","(Vincent walks to where Eva has indicated and places Josephine onto the ground)","Vincent: Where are the others?","(Eva thrusts out her arm and waves it in front of herself, revealing the unconscious bodies of the eight other children she's channeling. Davina, who still has Eva's channeling sigil carved into her forehead, is slumped over next to where Josephine now lays. Vincent is horrified as he looks around at all of the children he had searched for years ago)","Vincent: (points to Davina) That's the Harvest girl.","Eva: (pulls a knife out of her boot) Davina Claire. (She walks over to them with the knife in hand) Once I link Josephine, we can begin. (She's about to start carving the symbol into Josephine's forehead, but instead sighs and stands to look at Vincent) Though, I should admit, I told a little lie earlier: in order to save the many, we've gotta sacrifice a few. (Vincent's eyes widen, but he doesn't seem surprised by this confession) You understand, Vince.","(Vincent nods at her, and she smiles in appreciation before turning back to Josephine. Vincent turns and picks up a large pipe off the ground before sneaking up behind Eva and hitting her hard across the back of her head with it)","Eva: (groans) Ahh!","Vincent: (panting angrily) Yeah. I figured as much.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]","(Hayley is pacing around the courtyard, where Elijah and Gia are standing around)","Hayley: (anxious) Still no sign of her. What the hell is Eva waiting for?","(Suddenly, Marcel returns to the compound and joins them in the courtyard)","Marcel: She didn't wait. She took Josephine LaRue not half an hour ago.","Hayley: If Eva doesn't need Hope, then where would she go?","Marcel: The same place she kept all the other captives. Where she took Davina.","Elijah: A place no one has been able to find for two years.","(Marcel's phone rings, and when he sees it's Vincent, who is still in Eva's abandoned warehouse, he scowls and reluctantly answers it)","Marcel: (on the phone) When I find you, I am going to rip your head from your neck.","Vincent: You may want to hold off on that decapitation; I found them all. (He smiles) Davina's alive. (Marcel is stunned) Sorry, I had to make it look convincing! If you were in on the plan, Eva would have known.","Marcel: Yeah, blasting me through a couple glass doors really sold it. Alright, round of applause. Now what?","(Vincent notices that Eva's nose is bleeding, and when he looks over at Davina, he realizes that her nose is bleeding, too, along with the other seven children she's channeling)","Vincent: (sighs) Now, we got a problem. These kids, they're all linked to her. If she dies, they all die.","Marcel: (gets an idea) So, we'll find a witch to unlink them.","Vincent: (considers this option) Gonna need somebody with some serious power.","(Marcel sighs and looks over at Elijah, who seems to be thinking the same thing that he is, and hangs up the phone. Elijah nods at him)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]","(Freya is looking over at the spell Esther has written down for her, and looks concerned as Klaus and Esther stare at her)","Freya: (anxious) I can't do this. This spell requires an enormous amount of power.","Esther: Which you have.","Freya: And that power needs to be anchored, or I'll be lost inside Eva's mind along with Rebekah. Unlike your magic, mine isn't anchored to any one place. Because of you, I have no home.","Esther: Perhaps. (She turns to Klaus) But, there is no other spell.","(Klaus looks torn, and doesn't seem to want to trust either of them. Suddenly, Freya gets an idea)","Freya: (stares at Klaus) You. (She walks toward Klaus) I can use you as my anchor. I'll channel your power while I breach Eva's mind.","Esther: (eyes Freya suspiciously) And there it is. The price. If she channels you, she will have access to your mind, past and present. She will know everything about you.","Klaus: (considers this as he paces around) All of my strategies and all of my secrets laid bare to give to Dahlia. (He turns to face Freya) You must think I'm a fool.","(Suddenly, Elijah appears behind Klaus)","Elijah: Unless it's not a trick. (He stares at Freya determinedly) I'll be the anchor.","Klaus: (incredulous) Brother, I think not.","Elijah: (annoyed) Brother, whatever this is, nothing must prevent us from saving our sister. I will not lose Rebekah.","Klaus: Oh yes, by all means, let's give Dahlia's whelp access to all the information she needs to destroy us!","(Freya, who is becoming increasingly infuriated by Klaus' continued paranoia, grips the chain that links her shackles)","Elijah: (points to Esther) And since when do we heed the words of this serpent?","Freya: (furious) ENOUGH!","(She suddenly yanks her arms away from her body, easily breaking through the magic-proof shackles and allowing her access to her magic again. She holds up her hand and twists her wrist, which snaps Klaus' neck and causes him to fall unconscious to the floor. Elijah looks at Freya, stunned and confused)","Freya: (to Klaus' unconscious body) For an upgraded model, you're not very sharp. (She walks over to Elijah) Let's go.","(Elijah, who seems to be unnerved, gives Esther a look before he follows her out of the tomb)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]","(Hayley and Gia are in the nursery, where Hayley is rocking a screaming and crying Hope in a rocking chair while Gia organizes Hope's toys)","Gia: Ugh, this place smells like werewolf.","Hayley: (mildly annoyed) Well, that's because Jackson has a whole platoon of them out there. (She hesitates a moment) You know, you can go. You don't have to stay.","Gia: (walks toward them with Hope's music box in her hand) Elijah says you and your kid have more than one enemy. If someone manages to make it through that dog-show outside, you and the baby run, I stay and stall them.","Hayley: (confused) You don't even know me. Why would you put yourself in harm's way for us?","Gia: (pauses for a moment) I don't have to know you. I know Elijah, and I know what you mean to him. (Hayley looks uncomfortable) And what this baby means to him.","Hayley: (awkwardly) He... talks about me with you?","Gia: (laughs nervously) No... but, I'm not blind. It's pretty obvious you had the guy all bent out of shape. Look, after you guys got married, we started hanging out. He was just so... wound up. (Hayley looks guilty and stares at the floor) I guess it must be tough to spend a thousand years being the shoulder everyone else leans on. Maybe he... just needs to live his life for himself, for once.","(Hayley looks up at Gia and smiles a small smile)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ]","(Freya, Elijah, and Marcel have arrived to Eva's hideout for the children she's captured so they can meet with Vincent and finish preparing for their plan. Marcel is carrying Eva in his arms as they walk toward the magic circle - which is actually the triangle Esther drew for her - made of salt and herbs she has set up in the middle of the warehouse. At each point is a lit white candle)","Freya: Lay her inside the salt, and lie on either side of her. Each of you take her hand. (She turns to Elijah) I will act as a bridge into her mind, but I'm trusting you to anchor me, brother.","Elijah: Do what you need to do.","(Marcel lays Eva down on the floor in the middle of the triangle, and then he and Vincent look up at Freya for further instructions)","Freya: Rebekah is buried deep. Eva will not give her up without a fight.","Marcel: (determined) Then she gets a fight.","Freya: Be careful. You're entering Eva's mind. If she kills you in there, you will be lost. (Marcel looks worried) And, if you kill her before you free Rebekah, then Rebekah will be gone forever. Once you have Rebekah, then, and only then, can Eva be dealt with.","Vincent: (takes a deep breath) We got it.","(Vincent and Marcel each lay down on either side of Eva inside the triangle and hold her hands. Freya kneels beside Vincent)","Freya: You'll need a weapon.","(She pulls Eva's knife out of her boot and holds it out to Vincent, who looks at her in confusion)","Vincent: How am I supposed to take that with me?","Freya: (clutches the knife and begins to chant a spell) Nemina fari en mente. Nemina fari en mente.","(She stops chanting and looks at Vincent, grimacing slightly)","Freya: This... is going to hurt.","(She stabs Vincent in the arm with the knife. He screams in pain, but then falls unconscious, as does Marcel. Once they're asleep, Freya stands and walks toward Elijah, who holds his hand out toward her. She takes it, and they each grip onto the other's elbows. When Freya nods at him, he nods in return, indicating that he's ready to begin. Freya begins to shout the incantation to the spell)","Freya: (chanting loudly) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus.","(As Freya chants, she is so overwhelmed by the power of the spell that her back arches as her head is thrown back, and Elijah has to hold onto her with much of his strength to keep her from falling)","(Suddenly, Marcel and Vincent awaken in Eva's mind-space, which is still the warehouse. Everything has adopted a greenish hue again, and Eva is no longer laying between the two men. Vincent screams in pain and quickly yanks the knife out of his arm. When Marcel hears a little girl scream, his head turns toward the sound)","Marcel: (worried) Rebekah.","(He vamp-speeds toward her, leaving Vincent alone on the floor. The lights start to flicker around him, and he starts to get scared)","Vincent: (shouts) Marcel!","(Vincent, still clutching his injured arm, rises to his feet and starts to stumble around the warehouse, visibly frightened, as he looks around for Marcel)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]","(Klaus wakes up on the floor of the Lyonne tomb with a gasp to find that the magic-disabling shackles are laying broken on the floor, and everyone has vanished. Esther, who has heard Klaus awaken, comes in from the next room to check on him)","Esther: You recover fast, but they're gone.","Klaus: (annoyed) I compelled you to tell the truth, not state the bloody obvious.","Esther: (walks toward Klaus) She will poison them all against you. You know that.","Klaus: (stands to his feet) And you suddenly care, do you?","Esther: (exasperated) Klaus! Lying here, starving in the darkness, I have thought of nothing except what could have been if I had left you to live a single, mortal life.","Klaus: We would have burned bright for a while, and then burnt out. You see, you think of turning us as your greatest sin, but the truth is, it's the only one of your many faults I've come to forgive. (He smiles at Esther, who frowns) I prefer us as we are.","Esther: (shakes her head and places her hands on Klaus' face) No, my son, we are a macabre echo of a family, and I take all the blame for that. (She is near tears) I only wanted to undo my evil, that you might love me again.","(Klaus looks as though he's about to cry himself, but he takes Esther's hands in his own and shoves them away from him)","Klaus: My mother, the comedian. Enjoy the darkness.","(Klaus turns and leaves to find Freya and Elijah, and Esther begins to sob)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EVA'S MIND-SPACE \/ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ]","[ EVA'S MIND ]","(Marcel is still running around the version of the warehouse inside Eva's mind, but he has yet to find Rebekah. The lights continue to flicker around him, and as he rushes around, he hears the sound of a frightened child hyperventilating nearby. After some wandering around, he finally comes upon a small closet)","Marcel: Rebekah?","(He opens the closet and finds Young Rebekah curled up in fear. She gasps in fright at first, but then she recognizes him even despite her young age and immediately runs into his arms as Marcel hugs her tightly)","Marcel: Rebekah! It's okay, it's safe.","(Suddenly, Eva appears behind them, and Rebekah stares at her in terror)","Eva: You people just don't give up, do you?","Marcel: (to Rebekah) Run.","(Young Rebekah runs away in the opposite direction while Marcel stays behind to hold her off. He lunges for her at vampire-speed, but Eva thrusts her arm out in front of him and uses her magic to cause him so much pain that he clutches his chest and screams at the top of his lungs)","Marcel: Ahhhh!","Eva: You're a vampire in here, in my world! I'm the one who makes the rules! I'm the one who says how. you. die.","(Eva twists her wrist, and Marcel begins writhing on the ground in agony as she tortures him)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ]","(Inside the warehouse, Freya is practically bent over backwards as Elijah struggles to keep his hold on her while she continues to chant the spell)","Freya: (shouting) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus.","(As Elijah grips onto Freya's arms as tightly as he can, Marcel's closed eyes begin to twitch, and suddenly, blood starts to drip from them)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EVA'S MIND ]","(Inside Eva's mind, Eva is straddling Marcel on the floor of the warehouse and is gouging out Marcel's eyes with her thumbs as he groans in pain)","Eva: (furiously) The great Marcel. One-time vampire king.","(She thrusts her thumbs farther into his eyes, and he groans louder. Suddenly, Vincent appears with his hands out in front of him)","Vincent: (shouts) Eva! That's enough! It's over.","(Eva looks hurt as she stands to her feet, and Vincent slowly walks toward her, his hands still up in a non-threatening position)","Eva: Not a bad bit of acting, fooling me back there. Pretty slick, and cold. (She looks at him and her lips twitch into an affectionate half-smile) Colder than I remembered you.","(Vincent gulps nervously)","Eva: Aww, it's your eyes. Those damn sexy eyes. Making me think you love me, right before you bury a knife in my back. (She caresses Vincent's cheek with her hand, and Vincent sighs) You break my heart, Vince.","(Vincent reaches down to his belt, where Eva's knife is tucked in his belt)","Eva: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...","(Vincent goes to stab Eva with the knife, but she stops him with telekinesis and forces him to drop the knife on the floor. Vincent starts to choke from the force of the spell)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ]","(Elijah is struggling so hard to hold onto Freya, who is still chanting the spell, that he yells in frustration at the top of his voice. Vincent's body starts to shake as Eva chokes him in her mind)","Freya: (yelling) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus.","Elijah: Ahhhh!","Freya: (yelling) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. (She looks up at Elijah and looks scared) I'm losing them!","(Elijah continues to hold onto her for dear life, when suddenly Klaus appears and grabs Freya's arm in one hand and Elijah's hand in the other, so they are all three linked in a circle to anchor Freya better. Freya looks at him in shock)","Klaus: We're not finished, you and I. But, for right now? Save my sister.","Freya: (nods and begins to shout the incantation again) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ EVA'S MIND ]","(Eva is continuing to telekinetically choke Vincent when all of a sudden, Eva is thrown backward by an invisible force, allowing Vincent to recover. He looks angry and offended)","Vincent: Is that what you think heartache feels like, Eva? Oh, but you have no idea. I wanted to rip my own heart out every time I woke so I couldn't feel what you did to me! That bone-deep hurt, knowing that I could not save them kids from you. The woman I loved more than my own life.","(Vincent thrusts his hand forward and grabs Eva in a choke-hold, but she easily breaks out of it and twists his wrist around, causing him so much pain he collapses onto his knees)","Eva: (enraged) We could have had everything! You chose this. It's on you!","(Vincent shakes his head to try to stop her from killing him, but she's determined. She lets go of his wrist and puts both hands on his face)","Eva: Goodbye, Vince.","Vincent: (whispers) What?","(Eva leans in to kiss him, though Vincent struggles against it, and before she can kill him, she's stabbed in the back with her own knife by Young Rebekah, who stands there stone-faced as Eva collapses onto the floor on top of Vincent, who is gasping for breath)","Eva: Ahhh!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ]","(As Eva's spirit dies, Marcel and Vincent both gasp themselves awake on the floor of the warehouse. The force of the spell as it breaks pushes Freya, Klaus, and Elijah away from each other, which seems to relief the exhausted Freya. Marcel immediately sits up and looks over at Eva's body, which is still laying unconscious on the floor. He and Vincent both look up at Freya, Klaus, and Elijah, who all seem worried)","Klaus: (anxious) Did it work?","(Suddenly, Marcel hears a small, familiar-sounding female voice in the next room, and vamp-speeds to the source of the sound. It's Davina, who has just awakened on the floor, and who looks extremely confused)","Davina: Where am I?","(After a moment, Josephine and the other children start to wake up as well, all of whom look equally confused to find themselves there)","Marcel: (shouts to the others in relief) They're okay!","(He rushes over to Davina and kneels down so he can give her a big hug)","Davina: Marcel!","(In the other room, Vincent is tending to his arm wound as Elijah walks over to Eva's body. Klaus looks devastated, and turns to Freya, who looks equally upset)","Klaus: Why isn't she waking??","(Freya shakes her head desperately, as though to prove she had no intention of anything bad happening to Rebekah. Suddenly, Eva\/Rebekah awakens with a gasp and sits straight up, and the other four look at her warily, unsure at whom they're looking. After a moment, Rebekah sighs in relief and smiles at the sight of her family)","Rebekah: (taking deep breaths) Bloody hell!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]","(Rebekah is in the living room, where she's staring at the portrait on the wall of herself in her original body from several centuries ago. She sighs in exhaustion, just as Klaus, who is drinking straight from a bottle of scotch, comes to check on her)","Rebekah: What? You're not fishing for a thank-you, I hope.","Klaus: (smiles) I'd find myself freezing in hell before I got one from you! (Rebekah smirks at him, and he laughs) Well, come on, then... let's get you back in your proper body! Though, I'll likely have to torture Freya and Esther to do so. Which, actually, might be quite fun.","(Rebekah looks nervous, and hesitates for a moment before speaking)","Rebekah: No, Nik. I'm staying put. (Klaus gives her a confused look) Eva's gone for good, but her body - this body - is still linked to Davina and those children. I can feel it. Now, if I leave it, then it dies, and Davina and the others die with it.","Klaus: (rolls his eyes) So-bloody-what?","Rebekah: (appalled) I happen to like Davina! I'm not about to let her die. (Klaus smiles at her) Besides, do you really want the wrath of every New Orleans witch just as Dahlia arrives? We need them on our side, or at the very least, not siding against us. (She sighs) And, there's also the matter of Kol. I vowed I'd bring him back. I can't even attempt to do that if I'm not a witch.","Klaus: (sighs and pauses for a moment) Freya's been inside my head. She knows my secrets.","Rebekah: (laughs) So, she knows you go very far for very few. So-bloody-what? Niklaus, just for one second, can we just be what we need to be? A family united?","(Klaus sighs and caresses Rebekah's cheek with his hand)","Klaus: For now, for you.","(He smiles at her, and the two close their eyes and bump their foreheads together for a long moment before Klaus kisses her on the forehead and heads for the front door. Before he can leave, Rebekah calls out to him)","Rebekah: Nik? (Klaus stops, but doesn't turn around) Thank you.","(Klaus smiles for a moment before he leaves the house)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CLOSING MONTAGE ]","(Eva\/Rebekah continues their narration in voiceover as the scene cuts back and forth between the various characters)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ROUSSEAU'S ]","Rebekah: (voiceover) There's a saying in my family: \"Kill a demon today, face the devil tomorrow.\"","(At Rousseau's, Vincent takes the photo of himself and Eva and lights it on fire with a lighter. He smiles and lays the burning photo on a small plate and watches as the flames turn it to ash)","Rebekah: (voiceover) Yet, even if you dance on that demon's grave, you can't help but wonder: was that demon alone?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]","'(The various New Orleans covens, along with the Mikaelsons, Hayley, and Gia, have gathered at the compound, where Josephine is presenting Freya with a necklace with a turquoise pendant. She fastens the necklace around Freya's neck, and they all smile happily)","Rebekah: (voiceover) Or do you have other, deadlier ones to fight?","(Klaus is on the nearby staircase, watching as Freya is presented with the necklace and scowling suspiciously at her. Everyone claps in Freya's honor as she gives Josephine a hug, and both Rebekah and Elijah are at her side, smiling proudly at her)","Rebekah: (voiceover) And though you celebrate having won the battle...","(Josephine pulls away from her hug with Freya and faces her)","Josephine: You're one of us, now. New Orleans is your home. (Freya smiles at her happily) Your friends are our friends; your enemies, ours.","Rebekah: (voiceover) ...Have you really prepared for the war?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ROUSSEAU'S ]","(Freya is sitting at the bar of Rousseau's, smiling happily as she touches the pendant on her new necklace, when she notices Klaus lurking nearby)","Freya: Come to shackle me again, brother?","(Klaus comes out of the shadows and leans against the bar beside her)","Klaus: Maybe you've wormed your way into the witches' good graces... (He touches the pendant on her necklace) .. and my siblings, too. But, I see you for what you really are. Even if they cannot.","Freya: They're not burdened by crippling paranoia. The kind that leaves you muttering to yourself alone in the dark. (She mimics his voice) \"Where has everyone gone?\"","(Klaus looks at her, both embarrassed and outraged at this response)","Freya: Mean of me? Yes. I shouldn't bring up your childhood secrets. But don't worry, all I saw when I channeled you were anger issues and a questionable taste in women. (Klaus sighs in annoyance) I was once alone, brother. It would be a shame if you were the one who found himself so.","(She gets up to leave the bar, but Klaus stands and pushes her backward with his hand. Freya smiles mockingly and whispers in his ear)","Freya: It doesn't have to be like this, of course. But, be careful; I only have so much patience.","(Freya rolls her eyes and walks away, leaving an embarrassed and angry Klaus behind at the bar)","Rebekah: (voiceover) So, as we dress ourselves in the armor needed for this new fight...","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]","(Esther is sitting alone in the Lyonne tomb when Freya appears out of nowhere to see her)","Rebekah: (voiceover) ...We must first tend to our wounds. Starting with the deepest.","Esther: (surprised) Freya.","Freya: (coldly) You were wrong about me. I loathed Dahlia more than you could ever know. (Esther stares at her in confusion) You don't see that light in me? That's because she snuffed it out! I was five, and she was the devil. She took my light. My love. My will to live. (She smiles bitterly) My ability to die. You are no longer my mother, but I am not her child.","(Esther stands and walks toward Freya)","Esther: I am so sorry.","Freya: (closes her eyes and sighs in annoyance) It's a little late for that. But, it turns out, you were right about one thing: maybe Klaus shouldn't have let me glimpse inside his mind.","Esther: (angry) I warned him to be wary of you. Of what you might see.","Freya: Oh, I saw quite a bit. But, I only learned one thing: Klaus and I can never be allies. I now see that he will never trust me. So, he leaves me no choice, I will have to turn the family against him. (Esther looks at her in surprise and horror) One by one. And now, I know how to do it.","Esther: (confused) Why are you telling me this?","(Freya looks at Esther in feigned sympathy as she takes a step toward her)","Freya: (whispers) Because you won't be around to see it.","(Freya grabs her blue crystal talisman and holds onto it as she places two fingers on Esther's forehead, which causes Esther so much pain that she shrieks at the top of her lungs)","Esther: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!","(After a moment, Esther\/Lenore dies and bursts into a humongous cloud of starlings. The birds flutter around the inside of the tomb before they all fall dead to the floor. Freya looks around at all of the dead birds and steps over them on he way out the door)","[ END ]"],"Show Title":"The Originals","Episode Number":"02x17","Episode Title":"Exquisite Corpse","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Originals_02x19.json","Recap":["Setting the stage for a bloody showdown, Dahlia gives Klaus and Hayley a deadline to turn over baby Hope. Elijah attempts to convince Klaus that they need to work together in their fight against Dahlia, but Klaus forges ahead with his own dangerous plan, leaving everyone concerned about his next steps. Meanwhile, when Hayley realizes their chances of outrunning Dahlia are slim, she devises a risky plan and enlists Aiden's help. Elsewhere, Freya gives Rebekah and Elijah an ultimatum, and Marcel strategizes on how best to deal with Klaus' erratic behavior."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Jackson: We take Hope and the pack, and we leave town tonight.","Elijah: There's a jazz club in Algiers. Josephine is fortifying it as a sanctuary against magic. Pack your things.","Klaus: So while my hands are full, I need you to serve as my eyes and ears.","Aiden: I can't just stab him in the back.","Josh: (worriedly) I don't know if you have a choice.","Jackson: (sighs) He should be here by now. Something must have happened.","Marcel: Everything OK?","Hayley: Are we going to Algiers or what?","Marcel: Right now, that club is the safest place in town.","Dahlia: You lost the one thing that you could have used against me, the weapon you created.","Freya: No!","Freya: (furious) This was not my plan! You rushed it and made but a single weapon!","Klaus: Your materials are easily found.","Freya: Unh! Ohh!","Klaus: Viking ash is indeed rare... but all you really need is a burning viking corpse.","Dahlia: I must use you to send a message to all those who would side against me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]","(Elijah and Klaus are having breakfast in the dining room, where Klaus is drinking orange juice and champagne and looking pleased with himself. Elijah, however, does not seem amused)","Klaus: Is something the matter, brother? Can I fix you a drink, perhaps?","(He sips his own drink with a smirk, and Elijah just rolls his eyes in annoyance)","Elijah: Strangely enough, Klaus, I'm not in a mimosa mood.","Klaus: Fantastic! More for me.","Elijah: Let's discuss strategy, shall we, Niklaus? Just wondering if you actually have one. We can begin with Mikael's ashes. Given that they are the main ingredient in our weapon against Dahlia, would you care to tell me where they disappeared to?","(Klaus sets down his drink, looking annoyed and put-out)","Klaus: (smiles fakely) Elijah! I have compelled the city's finest pastry chef for your own personal edification, and yet, you ignore my efforts in favor of needless concerns!","(Rebekah enters the room, looking tired)","Rebekah: Can we stop talking so loudly? (She sees the pot of coffee and sighs in relief) Give me that.","(Rebekah walks over to pour herself a glass)","Klaus: (amused) What's the matter? New witch body not up to last night's bender?","Rebekah: (rolls her eyes) So? I had a few. (She sits down at the opposite end of the table from Klaus) It's not every day you lose your father at the hands of your brother. Again.","Klaus: (laughs heartily) Whoever said opportunity only knocks once, eh? (Elijah and Rebekah stare at him blankly and silently, and Klaus scoffs) Oh, come on! We all fled Mikael's tyranny together for centuries! I would have thought the mood this morning might be a bit more jubilant!","Elijah: Under normal circumstances, the annihilation of our father would be rather commendable, Niklaus. Unfortunately, we have a greater threat to contend with.","(Klaus hops to his feet to pour himself another drink)","Klaus: You know, for someone who's been invited to a celebratory breakfast, you're proving quite the buzzkill.","Elijah: (sighs deeply) Well, Niklaus, if anything indeed has killed the... (He makes air-quotes with his fingers) .. \"buzz,\" as you say, perhaps it was because murdering Father alienated the one person who truly knows how to defeat Dahlia!","Klaus: If Freya wants to be part of this family, she should be willing to accept us, warts and all!","Rebekah: Elijah's right. Freya loved Mikael, and you've likely ruined everything.","Klaus: (rolls his eyes petulantly) Pity. Whatever shall I do?","Elijah: (aggravated) Whatever you please, apparently!","Klaus: (slams his hand angrily against the table) Do not mistake my high spirits for lack of clarity! I know full well the threat we face. And, I intend to deal with it... personally.","(Elijah gives him an annoyed and skeptical look, but their conversation is interrupted by the sound of high heels clacking loudly against the stone floor outside. Klaus is immediately suspicious of the noise)","Klaus: (unnerved) Someone's here.","(He quickly stands and rushes into the courtyard as Elijah and Rebekah follow behind him. Upon entering, they find Josephine, who is wearing a conspiculously-placed velvet choker around her neck to hide the wounds on her throat that she sustained from Dahlia in the previous episode. She looks at them calmly as they approach her)","Elijah: (confused) Josephine.","Josephine: (smiles) Forgive me for calling so early, Elijah, but, I've come bearing a message from your aunt Dahlia. (Elijah looks stunned) She is owed a debt, and she means to be paid.","Klaus: (smiles weakly) She can writhe in Hell first.","Josephine: For merely taking what your mother promised her? (Klaus' fake-smile falls) If you must harbor hatred, isn't it better spent on the one who traded your child away a thousand years ago? Blame Esther, if you must, but I seek only to fulfill a bargain. A bargain that, consequently, resulted in your very existence. Perhaps you should be thanking me?","(Elijah, Klaus, and Rebekah all begin to scowl and glare at her as Elijah steps toward her, staring at her intently)","Elijah: Dahlia.","Josephine \/ Dahlia: (grins) My child, I prefer Aunt Dahlia.","(Klaus takes a deep breath and walks toward her until they are face-to-face)","Klaus: You dare enter my home?","Josephine \/ Dahlia: (sighs boredly) I only came for what is mine. (As she speaks, the spell that reanimated Josephine's body begins to weaken, and her throat begins to bleed profusely from underneath her choker) The time has come to add the child's power to my own. Though, I do not detect her here. I see you've used a spell to cloak her. No matter. Such spells will yield, as will you. Say your farewells. You have 'til nightfall tomorrow, and then the child shall be mine. Be a dear and inform the mother? No reason we can't be civilized about this.","(Klaus smirks at Josephine\/Dahlia and gives Elijah a look before completely losing his temper and karate-chopping her in the neck, decapitating her and sending her head flying across the courtyard. Both Rebekah and Elijah look horrified about what they've just heard but Klaus smiles as he looks at Josephine's lifeless body on the floor)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ]","(Hayley is talking to Aiden and Jackson inside the safe house, while the rest of the werewolf army mills around outside and inside the perimeter of the building. She holds Hope in her arms and rocks her soothingly as she speaks)","Hayley: (takes a deep breath) Okay. Good news? Dahlia still doesn't know that we're here. Bad news? She's given us until tomorrow night, and then she's coming for Hope.","Jackson: Well, I say we get the hell out of here.","Hayley: (lowers her voice) Look, Jack, I wanna go as much as you do, but think. Freya said that Dahlia was drawn to Hope's magic. No matter how far we go, she's still gonna be able to track us! At least this place is spelled; no one can do magic here, not Hope or Dahlia.","Jackson: (worried) Sure, this place is spelled, but we've seen bigger magic than this break. I say we run while we can.","(Hayley sets Hope in her play pen and she coos as she looks around, and Hayley stares at her with concern)","Hayley: (sighs) It's a risk either way. She's just so little. It's not fair: witchcraft, magical spells. She didn't ask for any of this... (Hayley suddenly gets an idea) .. which means that she wouldn't miss it if it was gone. (Jackson looks at her in confusion) Jack, maybe that's it? Dahlia could only sense her when she's using magic. So, what if there's a way of stopping her from doing it in the first place?","Jackson: (frowns) She's just a baby, how are we gonna do that?","Hayley: (determined) I have an idea. Although... it's dangerous. Especially now.","(Aiden, who has been listening to them talk from nearby, suddenly pipes up)","Aiden: Let me do it. (Hayley and Jackson both turn to look at him) Look, whatever it is, it's my fault you didn't get away yesterday.","Jackson: No, that wasn't your fault, Aiden.","Aiden: (anxious) Please, just give me a chance to make it up to you.","(Jackson looks back at Hayley before nodding in agreement)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]","(In the cemetery, Freya is setting up a memorial for Mikael using large stones, a bowl of crystals, and some deer antlers, among other objects. Several of them have Norse runes carved into them, including the rune \"gar,\" which means spear, and is attributed to Odin's spear Gungnir in Norse mythology. Freya kneels in front of the memorial and stares at it sadly for a moment until she is joined by Rebekah, who looks unhappy)","Rebekah: Freya? I am so, so sorry.","Freya: About what? Certainly not about our father. I alone mourn him, as I alone loved him. And now, because of Klaus, my father is taken from me once more.","Rebekah: (stares at the memorial) I never knew the man you're mourning. He showed more tenderness to you yesterday than we have ever seen. All I can recall is his terrible temper, his awful cruelty. Especially to Klaus.","Freya: (sighs) That is not an excuse.","Rebekah: Isn't it? (Freya remains silent and looks away) I know Klaus can be infuriating, treacherous even. But there is no one better to have at your side against someone like Dahlia.","(Freya angrily stands to her feet and walks away, but Rebekah stands and follows her)","Rebekah: Klaus wants to keep Hope safe as much as you want your freedom. We need to work together.","Freya: (aggravated) How can you defend him? I was abducted by Dahlia, spent years under her control, and yet he acts as if I am the enemy! I have given you all every reason to trust me, and still, Klaus rejects me. (Freya picks up a smaller stone with the same \"gar\" rune carved into it) And honestly? I cannot understand why you would continue to trust him.","(Freya sighs and walks past Rebekah, but before she leaves the cemetery, she stops and turns back toward her sister)","Freya: You and Elijah have a choice: from now on, it's either Klaus, or me.","(Freya leaves, and Rebekah looks conflicted and exhausted)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]","(Klaus is in his art room at the compound, where he is furiously painting an abstract piece. He has covered a large canvas in dark red, gold, and green\/brown paint, which has a mottled appearance. Elijah enters the room to find him absorbed in his artwork and seems appalled at his behavior)","Elijah: (sighs) You do understand there is no time? (Klaus looks back at Elijah and glares at him before going back to his work) Niklaus, if Mikael's ashes are the key to ending Dahlia, then surely you must see the need to share their whereabouts?","(Klaus doesn't even turn around, he simply continues painting)","Klaus: I see nothing of the sort.","Elijah: (confused and hurt) It is no secret that you often strategize while painting. I assume you have a plan, here.","Klaus: You ask that I share my strategies so you can run straight to Freya and bring her into the circle of trust? I think not.","Elijah: (frustrated) It is too dangerous for you, brother. You cannot do this alone!","Klaus: And who should I trust to protect Hope? Our new-found sister with duplicitous motives of her own? Hayley, whose allegiance to her husband grows stronger by the day, or how about Jackson, the self-declared king of the wolves?","Elijah: You need only trust me.","Klaus: I would love to, Elijah. Now, more than ever, I need my brother, my closest ally, my blood... (He hesitates for a moment) .. but you have not been the same since Mother got inside your head. (Elijah looks hurt and walks away from him) Your judgment is not what it was. You are not what you were! The Elijah I know would never have clung so desperately to the word of a duplicitous stranger, telling him what he wants to hear!","Elijah: (sighs) Freya is our blood, brother. She also has every reason to want Dahlia's demise! We have no cause to distrust her!","Klaus: Which is a far cry from being trustworthy! She vanquished Finn, yes, but only after she herself resurrected him, and though lauded for saving Rebekah from Eva Sinclair, how do we know she didn't have a hand in waking that demon in the first place?","Elijah: Niklaus, if we cannot trust one another, we can't work together.","Klaus: (sighs and returns to his painting) No, we cannot.","(Elijah frowns at him, clearly frustrated with his attitude)","(Elsewhere, Aiden is in Klaus' study, where he's pulling a pair of the cursed manacles that prevent a witch from doing magic out of a wooden box. He gently stows them into his inner jacket pocket. Once he's done, Klaus wanders into the room, wiping off his paint-smeared hands on a rag)","Klaus: Aiden. To what do I owe this visit?","(Aiden is clearly startled by this encounter, and tries his best to calm his nerves as to not arouse Klaus' suspicions)","Aiden: I just wanted to tell you that Hayley, Jackson, and Hope are at Marcel's jazz club, and they're safe there, very well protected.","Klaus: Well, you can hardly be my eyes and ears there if you're standing before me. (He gives Aiden a hard look) Why are you here?","(Aiden, at a loss for excuses, gestures to a stuffed bunny sitting on Klaus' desk before picking it up)","Aiden: Uh, for this. Hayley said she left it here yesterday? I guess it's Hope's favorite!","(Aiden laughs nervously, and Klaus seems slightly suspicious, but shrugs it off and chuckles as he walks toward Aiden)","Klaus: Hmm. (quietly) Your loyalty is refreshing. (Aiden smiles and holds up the bunny again and heads for the door. Before he can leave, Klaus calls out to him) However, your life will be worth less than the velveteen on this little rabbit if I find my faith in you has been misplaced. Understood?","(Aiden says nothing, he just smiles nervously before he leaves. Klaus continues to look suspicious, but after a moment, he smirks)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]","(Aiden has just arrived at Kol's former playhouse, where he is informing Josh and Davina about his encounter with Klaus)","Aiden: Klaus doesn't suspect a thing!","Josh: (freaks out) Oh, right. Yes, I'm sure that Klaus \"color me paranoid\" Mikaelson totally fell for your whole \"I came across the river for Hope's bunny\" ruse.","Aiden: (turns to Davina and holds up the cursed shackles) Look, these manacles are spelled to neutralize witch power, right? (Davina nods) So, Davina, if you could transfer the magic from these onto something smaller, just think about it. If the baby can't give off magic, then Dahlia won't be able to track her.","Davina: I could try, but what difference does it make? I thought the baby was already safe.","Aiden: Hayley and Jackson are getting ready to run.","(Davina looks both shocked and slightly jealous at this revelation)","Davina: Wow. (She laughs bitterly) Good for them. If Kol had asked me to run before he got hexed, well, he wouldn't have had to ask me twice.","(Aiden looks at her sympathetically before turning to Josh, who seems stressed. After a moment, Davina sighs and holds out her hands to Aiden)","Davina: OK. (She takes the manacles from Aiden and sets them down on a table before taking off the silver bracelet she and Kol made and setting the chain next to it) Let's say I do this. Aren't we forgetting one really important thing? (She looks at Aiden worriedly) If Klaus finds out what you did...","Aiden: (cuts her off) Let me worry about that.","(Davina sighs worriedly and looks down at the manacles and chain on the table)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ]","(Hayley and Hope are sitting together on the stage of the jazz club when she suddenly sees green vines magically creeping up the outside and inside walls of the building. They become so thick and numerous that eventually, they completely cover the windows. Hayley stands up, holding Hope protectively in her arms, and a handful of werewolf guards join her in investigating the vines, which are now blooming with blood-red flowers. Hayley recognizes the flowers from her encounter with Dahlia's proxies the previous day)","Hayley: (scared) They're Dahlias. She knows we're here.","(After the break, Dahlia walks down the stone stairs that lead to St. James Infirmary. She sees a nearby werewolf guard calling someone on a cell phone and flicks her fingers to knock out the cell service)","Dahlia: (chants) Vidau.","(The werewolf takes the phone away from his ear and looks at it in confusion. Dahlia flicks her fingers again, this time toward the safe house itself)","Dahlia: (chants) Vidau.","(Hayley has just picked up her phone to call for help, but because of Dahlia's spell, the call doesn't go through. Back outside, Dahlia sits down on a stone wall and clenches her hands into fists before twisting them as though she were wringing out a wet washcloth, which snaps the spine of another werewolf guard who is pacing nearby. Inside, Hayley tries to call Klaus on the landline phone, but the call still doesn't go through. She hangs up the phone and turns to one of the guards, looking anxious)","Hayley: I need you to go get help now. Go, go!","(Dahlia is walking toward the entrance when the werewolf rushes toward her, and Dahlia almost looks bored as she thrusts her hand forward and twists her wrist, which snaps the werewolf's neck)","Werewolf: Ahh!","(The werewolf falls dead to the floor, and Dahlia steps past him and smiles when she reaches the entrance to the jazz club\/safe house. She stops right outside the threshold and holds her hand horizontally in front of her face as she whistles the tune that she hummed to Freya as a child, which travels across her flat hand and into the safe house, where Hayley hears it echoing loudly around the room and becomes terrified)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MARCEL'S LOFT ]","(Rebekah is pacing around Marcel's apartment, where she is ranting to Marcel about her visit with Freya while he plays darts)","Rebekah: So that's it? I'm to choose between the brother I've known a thousand years and the sister I've always wanted, and of course, Nik doesn't exactly make it easy with his ruddy painting. It's like he's just fiddling away while Rome burns.","Marcel: (turns and walks toward her) Klaus is at his best when there's an enemy he needs to take down. I guarantee he's got a plan.","Rebekah: (worried) And what if that plan doesn't bear fruit before nightfall tomorrow?","Marcel: (sighs) We've been through worse, all right? We'll get through this.","(Marcel returns to throwing darts at the dartboard on his wall, while Rebekah sighs in frustration and continues pacing around the apartment)","Rebekah: I wish I could just ship him off to bloody sardinia or somewhere with his paints and his wine cellar until this all blows over.","Marcel: So, what's the alternative? We can't go up against him, we got no way to put him down.","Rebekah: (sighs) No. Instead, here we are, gearing up for the fight of our lives, and all anyone can worry about is his next move.","(Marcel pauses for a moment and gets an idea, but he doesn't say anything about it. Instead, he just throws another dart at the dartboard, which hits the bullseye))[\/i]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL ]","(Freya is up in the bell tower of the church, where she has moved the memorial for Mikael from the cemetery to a table, which, like the rest of the room, is filled with lit white candles. After a moment, she pauses when she senses someone behind her and calls out to them without turning around. It's Elijah)","Freya: I had a feeling I would be seeing you.","(Elijah steps out of the shadows, holding something in his hands, and joins her in front of the memorial)","Elijah: I understand you built a marker for Father. I wish to contribute this.","(Elijah holds out his hand to her and shows her what he brought: a small hunting knife in a sheath. Freya takes it from him and removes it from its sheath to examine it, and seems surprised to see the blade)[\/i]","Freya: How did you...?","Elijah: Niklaus stole it from Mikael long ago. He used it to carve these tiny little wooden figurines for Rebekah and myself. Like your own, his was not a happy childhood. Art was something of a sanctuary for Niklaus and remains so to this day.","Freya: Do you tell me this so I might sympathize with him, as you do incessantly? (Elijah looks at her curiously) I assume Rebekah gave you my ultimatum.","Elijah: I don't accept ultimatums, nor will I make a choice between yourself and Niklaus.","Freya: I will not trust my freedom to an alliance with Klaus, which means you will fight Dahlia alone, and you will lose.","Elijah: (calmly) You came to us, tired of running, desperate to be free, and searching for the kind of strength that can only come from family. (Freya gives him a look, though she knows he's right) Now, with or without you, Klaus and I will defeat Dahlia, and I would prefer you to be on our side.","Freya: You would ask me to stay and watch as we all become Dahlia's chattel?","Elijah: (walks toward Freya) Stay, and we will defeat Dahlia together. Or, you may leave, and consign yourself to a life of solitude. My sister, is there really any choice?","Freya: (sighs in frustration) Swear to me that you will not allow Klaus to be our undoing.","(Elijah pauses for a moment, but says nothing)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]","(Klaus is continuing to paint his abstract piece with red, gold, and green\/brown paint when Cami suddenly arrives and approaches him in his art room)","Cami: Bad time?","Klaus: Camille. Ah, yes. As I've recently proved disagreeable, I assume Elijah asked you here to play therapist to the savage beast.","Cami: (smiles innocently) Actually, I was just gonna say you look like you could use some fresh air. Maybe we could go for a walk? You could spend, I don't know, 5 seconds not obsessing about who not to trust and who you're gonna murder next.","Klaus: I quite enjoy my obsessions, thank you very much. (He returns to his painting) Fear not, I shall tell Elijah you came as asked, and you may leave assured your duty is fulfilled.","Cami: (walks toward him) Klaus. Talk to me and not because Elijah sent me.","(Klaus sighs in frustration before nodding at her)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ]","(Hayley is pacing anxiously around inside the safe house with Hope in her arms. She looks extremely nervous as Hope chews on a toy obliviously)","Hayley: It's OK, baby girl.","(Dahlia has made it through the entrance of the jazz club and is walking into the front hall, whose walls are now covered in vines and dahlia flowers. She finally finds the doorway to the room where Hayley and Hope are standing, but stops just outside the doorway. Hayley clutches Hope tightly to her chest and glares at her. When Dahlia sees Hope, she clutches her heart and gasps)","Dahlia: What a beauty! Hello, my child. I...","(She starts to walk into the room, but she stops when she notices the thick line of sand that is is spread over the entire length of the doorway that is sealing Josephine's disruption spell into the room)","Dahlia: I was hoping for a more intimate chat, though I sense by entering you would have me at a considerable disadvantage.","Hayley: (scared) Why don't you come on in? I would love to show you some hybrid hospitality.","Dahlia: I only wanted to see the little one who has been promised to me. Won't be long now. Surely you've noticed the spell protecting you is growing weaker.","Hayley: If you lay a finger on her, I swear I will make you suffer in ways even your evil mind can't imagine.","(Dahlia laughs, but continues speaking to Hayley in a kind and gentle tone in hopes of winning her over)","Dahlia: Hayley, is it? I have no quarrel with you. Esther made this bargain long ago. It's most unfortunate you've been dragged into it.","Hayley: You talk like you don't have a choice, but this is your doing.","Dahlia: When I give my word, I keep it, and I expect others to do the same. Esther and I made a bargain a long time ago, and so, you see, that child is rightfully mine. The only question that you need ask is would you deny me, knowing that it would mean your death?","Hayley: (furious) You're not taking her.","Dahlia: (sighs and tries to remain patient) You're frightened for... (She rolls her eyes) .. your child. Heh. I can assure you anything that Freya may have told you about our life together, well, she always had a flair for the dramatic.","Hayley: (unamused) Well, it seems to run in the family.","Dahlia: Well, then of course, most of my troubles with Freya stemmed from the fact that I came for her so late in life. She had such a strong memory of the family that I took her from, but Hope is still young. She won't cling to the memory of you or cry for you in her sleep. You can take comfort in the fact that for her it will be as if you never existed.","Hayley: (lets her hybrid face out) Come closer. Let's see how a witch with no magic does against me.","(Suddenly, Hope starts to cry, causing Hayley to turn her attention back to her)","Dahlia: (mockingly) Well... You've upset the child. Pity. You ought not to waste your last hours with her this way. You should spend your time saying your farewells. Nightfall tomorrow will come all too soon. Good-bye for now, little one.","(Hayley rocks Hope and kisses her on the forehead as she continues to glare at Dahlia, and Dahlia gives them one last parting glance before she leaves)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ THE FRENCH QUARTER ]","(Cami is sitting with Klaus at an outdoor caf\u00e9 table, where they're drinking coffee and talking. Nearby, several children are tap-dancing on the sidewalk for spare change)","Cami: Have you ever thought about how hard this must have been for Freya, being raised by this woman? I mean, you of all people should at least have some compassion for that.","Klaus: (boredly) Yes, yes, poor Freya, but that's my point exactly. I of all people know whether the parent raising you loves you or loathes you, they still form who you are. After all this time, am I not Mikael's son, and therefore, is Freya not just as dangerous as Dahlia herself?","Cami: You've been talking for 20 minutes, and that's the first time you've brought up Mikael.","Klaus: (sighs) I see no reason to dwell on the deceased.","Cami: You made an alliance with him, you fought beside him, and then you killed him.","Klaus: Yes, for the second time. Your point?","Cami: (skeptical) You don't have any feelings about that?","Klaus: My only feeling is a lingering sense of annoyance that he didn't stay dead the first time.","Cami: I don't believe you. Mikael raised you.","Klaus: And I ended him... (Cami looks at him with concern and disbelief and Klaus shrugs) After the first good day we ever had together. We actually made a good team, and just when it looked as though we might for once be allies... I drove a stake through his heart.","(Klaus smiles weakly, and Cami seems even more unsettled)","Cami: Because he said he loved Freya?","(Klaus' smile falls, but he shrugs it off)","Klaus: (sarcastically) Or maybe it's just what I do... kill my enemies, sometimes my friends. This may come as a surprise to you, Camille, but I'm not a terribly good person.","(Klaus smirks at her, and Cami just stares at him silently)","(Elsewhere in the Quarter, Josh and Aiden are walking down the street while they talk)","Josh: So after I realized that I was spending, like, 3 hours a day on reddit, I just thought, \"this stupid, you know? I'm just gonna start reading the times-picayune,\" I mean, even though it is, like, the weirdest name ever for a newspaper. It's...","(The two turn into an alley, and Aiden cuts him off)","Aiden: Josh.","Josh: (confused) Huh?","Aiden: (smiles) I love you.","(Josh laughs in disbelief and happiness, which causes Aiden to do the same. However, after a moment, Josh's smile falls, and he starts to become worried)","Josh: Oh, no. What are you gonna do?","Aiden: Look, here's the thing. I am who I am, OK? Loyalty is in my DNA, but I can't live with myself if I'm spying for Klaus because I'm not cut out to be a double agent, so I'm gonna tell Jackson everything.","Josh: (concerned) What? Because it's so much better to be killed by Jackson than Klaus? And even if he doesn't kill you, then what?","Aiden: Then meet me in two hours. Let's get out of here and finally start our life together.","Josh: (stunned) Wow! You really want to just... go? (Aiden nods) With me?","Aiden: (smiles) Like I said, I am who I am. (He squeezes Josh's arm affectionately) I'm a pack guy, and you are my pack now.","Josh: (overwhelmed) Uh, leave? OK. Yeah. Wow. (He laughs nervously) Heh. I mean... heh... I'm finally pronouncing all the street names right... (Aiden giggles happily) .. and I know I... I did die here and all, but, well, this was the first place I ever felt like myself.","Aiden: I know this is all really fast, but if you want this, I'll see you in two hours.","(Josh gulps nervously and smiles a weak smile, too overwhelmed to speak. Aiden takes his silence as a rejection and looks hurt and disappointed, but still smiles sadly at him and squeezes his hands affectionately as he turns and walks away. Before he can leave, Josh sighs and vamp-speeds toward him to stop him)","Josh: Yes. I'll be there. (Aiden sighs in relief and happiness as Josh puts his hand on Aiden's neck) Of course I'll be there.","(The two press their foreheads together and look each other in the eyes before Josh kisses Aiden. The two make out for a long moment before they pull away, both looking happy and nervous for what is to come)","Aiden: Good.","(Aiden walks away again, but Josh stops him one last time before he leaves)","Josh: Hey, Aiden. (Aiden turns to look back at him) I love you, too.","(Aiden smiles widely, which makes Josh smile as well, before Aiden leaves to get ready)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]","(Davina is sitting in Kol's old playhouse with Dowager Fauline's large paragon diamond in her hand, which reflects the sunlight from the windows into small rainbows on her face. After a moment, Davina hears someone entering the tomb and stands, holding the diamond in one hand and thrusting her other hand out in preparation to use magic against the intruder. However, it's only Marcel, and once Davina realizes that, she sighs in relief and annoyance and stands down)","Marcel: (alarmed) Whoa! Hold it. It's just me. I... I come in peace.","Davina: (pushes up her sleeves) You should know better than to sneak up on me.","Marcel: (walks toward her) I wasn't sneaking. Just haven't talked to you in a while.","Davina: What do you want, Marcel?","Marcel: Look, I know you've been going through a hard time, holed up in here ever since Kol died, trying to bring him back...","Davina: What do you care? You hated him anyway.","Marcel: Oh, I didn't hate him. I just didn't much like him, and to be honest, I really didn't like him for you. You know, I can be a little protective.","Davina: (laughs weakly) Yeah. Understatement of the year. (She starts wandering around the tomb as she looks through spell ingredients) You know, even though I appreciate you saving me from Eva, you never once bothered to ask me how I felt after Kol died... (Her voice becomes thick with emotion) .. and even after all the crazy things I've been through, that was the worst. That's when I needed you most.","(Marcel sighs and walks toward her until they're face-to-face)","Marcel: You're right. I'm truly sorry that I wasn't there for you, but we have a problem... Klaus.","Davina: So what else is new?","Marcel: Kol told me you guys were working on a weapon you could use against him. Rebekah heard it was a dagger, one that would work even on Klaus. I need to know if you finished it.","Davina: And what if we did?","Marcel: Look, D, nobody in this city is safe with this witch Dahlia coming around. Now Klaus is off the rails, and he won't trust anyone, and he won't share the one weapon that will take down this witch. If things go south, that dagger might come in handy.","Davina: (unamused) Kol gave me that dagger for my protection. I'll be the one that decides if it gets used. (She starts setting up for a spell) Now, I have to get back to work.","(Marcel looks conflicted)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ THE FRENCH QUARTER ]","(Klaus, having finished his talk with Cami, is walking down the streets of the Quarter when Elijah appears and joins him. When Klaus sees him, he sighs in annoyance)","Klaus: Your transparent attempts to therapize me failed, brother. I suggest you allow me to make my way home in peace.","Elijah: Enough with the games, Niklaus. Now is not the time. Must I beseech you to stand with us?","Klaus: If by \"us\" you mean you and Freya, then I will not be standing with you.","Elijah: She is the best chance we have to save your child.","Klaus: Yes, Elijah, my child, which is why, although she feigns innocence, I can't help but recall it was Freya who led our lunatic brother Finn to the safe house, where he would have done God knows what if you had not intervened.","Elijah: (sighs) I was a breath away from taking your life. (He holds up his hand, which is in a fist) Just a few short years ago when you broke your curse, I held your beating heart in my hand. Do you recall that, Niklaus? And yet here we are still alive, still family. Now we need her, Niklaus. Freya is our family. If you cannot see the greater picture here...","Klaus: (interrupts him) You see only around the next curve in the road. I am looking from above. Freya gave herself away when she complained of our single weapon to kill Dahlia. Now I know there is a way to defeat our hated enemy without her.","Elijah: So enlighten me, and I will do everything in my power to help you!","Klaus: Forsake Freya, and I will let you in.","Elijah: (frustrated) Niklaus, this is insane. Hope is also my family. Now if you continue to walk this path, you will lead her towards harm. (Klaus looks at him blankly) And do not fail to understand me when I say this to you. I will do whatever it takes to prevent this.","Klaus: (angry) So will I. So the choice remains yours, brother... Freya, or me.","(Klaus turns and rushes away, leaving Elijah to glare at him mutinously for his behavior)","(Elsewhere in the Quarter, Aiden has just met with Jackson on the street, where he hands him the chain Kol and Davina made that Davina spelled for them)","Aiden: Yeah. So Davina says Hope shouldn't be able to do any magic if she's wearing that, and... (He thinks for a second) .. oh... to tell you good luck.","Jackson: (pleased) You did good, Aiden. (He pats Aiden on the back and leads him to an alley) Come on.","Aiden: (nervous) Wait. There's, uh, something I need to, um... (Jackson turns to face him, looking confused, and Aiden seems anxious) Look. Um, the reason you didn't get out of the compound last night was because of me.","Jackson: (scoffs) You can't control traffic, buddy.","Aiden: No, I... I did it on purpose... for Klaus. (Jackson's face turns from stunned to betrayed, and Aiden starts to plead with him) He sucked me in. He appealed to my stupid ego, told me everything that I wanted to hear. OK? (Jackson turns around and rubs his face with his hands in disbelief) Last night, he told me to watch you guys. Jack, if I would have let you escape, he would have killed me...","(Jackson loses his temper and punches Aiden straight in the face with a right cross. Aiden groans and rubs his jaw as he turns back to Jackson, looking guilty)","Aiden: (grimaces in pain) I guess I deserved that. Ahem.","Jackson: (angry) This thing Klaus said that you wanted to hear, what was it?","Aiden: (becomes embarrassed and hesitates) Uh, he told me I'd make a good Alpha. (He scoffs and laughs bitterly) What a joke, right? I mean, an Alpha would never turn on his pack.","(Jackson looks furious for a moment, but then he sighs and calms down)","Jackson: Neither did you, in the end. (Aiden looks surprised to hear this) All I know is that today you risked your life for Hayley and for Hope, so you have to take my forgiveness.","Aiden: (guilty) I don't deserve to be a part of the pack, so I'm leaving. Uh, yeah. Josh and I are getting out of here.","Jackson: (surprised) All right. If you need to take some time like I did, do it, but you'll always be a part of this pack, OK? I'm not ready to lose you yet.","(Jackson turns to leave, and Aiden, who seems relieved by Jackson's reaction to his confession, stops him before he can go)","Aiden: Jackson, uh... (Jackson turns to face him) .. just take care of yourself, you know, and watch your back with Klaus.","(Jackson walks over to him and gives him a big hug)","Jackson: Come here, you idiot.","(Jackson pounds Aiden's back affectionately with his fist, and Aiden laughs heartily in response as they squeeze each other tight. However, unbeknownst to them, Dahlia has been eavesdropping on their conversation from across the street and watches as Jackson and Aiden split up and walk in opposite directions)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ]","(Elijah has just made it to the safe house, where Hayley is updating him on what happened)","Hayley: Of course I tried to call you, Elijah, but since Dahlia was able to take down both Klaus and Mikael, I am guessing that a cell phone tower was a piece of cake.","Elijah: (unhappy) And where were the wolves who stood guard?","Hayley: (frustrated) Getting their asses handed to them by Dahlia, just like Klaus did.","(Klaus arrives just then and joins them in the jazz club)","Klaus: That's it. You're coming with me to the compound.","Hayley: (incredulous) Where Dahlia sent Josephine this morning? No way! We'd be sitting ducks, just like we will be here as soon as that spell breaks... (She sighs) .. which is why we have to go. (Elijah looks at her in alarm) Jackson is out getting supplies, and then we're taking the wolves, and we're headed to the Bayou.","Klaus: (unamused) The swamp, so my child can be protected by the very wolves Dahlia so easily defeated? Absolutely not.","(Hayley shoves past Elijah, shoulder-checking him in the process, and aggressively gets in Klaus' face)","Hayley: You know, I am so over taking advice from you, Klaus. All it has done so far is put Hope in danger. From now on, I am going to do what I want to do. We're leaving.","(Hayley pushes past Klaus as well, but he shoves her backwards to stop her)","Klaus: (points at her) You're not going anywhere unless I tell you to.","Hayley: (furious) I am not your prisoner, Klaus.","Elijah: Both of you, please. We're playing into Dahlia's hands.","Klaus: Not doing as I say plays into her hands. While you two have been kow-towing to Freya and devising ways to flee with your tail between your legs, I've been forging a new path. I know what Freya was planning, and I know how to kill Dahlia.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ THE FRENCH QUARTER ]","(Aiden steps out of the Silhouetted Garden flower shop, holding the door open for a woman as he leaves with a bouquet of red roses)","Woman: Thank you!","Aiden: (smiles) Sure.","(All of a sudden, Aiden hears Dahlia's whistled tune, and when he looks down at the bouquet of flowers, he finds they've been dried and wilted by Dahlia's spell)","Dahlia: Too bad. They were almost as young and beautiful as you.","Aiden: (confused) What are you...","Dahlia: (cuts him off) Hello, Aiden, sweet boy. We should get started.","(She turns, pressing the tip of her index finger to her lips before using it to beckon Aiden forward. He resists at first, but eventually, the spell forces him to follow behind her despite his best efforts)","Aiden: (scared) Ahh!","Dahlia: Don't fear. This will be over quickly.","(She clenches her hand into a fist and punches the air backwards, which telekinetically hits Aiden in the abdomen and causes him to double over in pain as they walk into another deserted alley)","Dahlia: You are what is known as a tipping point, to set Mikaelson against Mikaelson.","(She flicks her index and middle fingers, which causes two deep, bleeding claw-marks to appear on Aiden's neck. Aiden groans and hisses in pain as his eyes fill with tears)","Aiden: Yeeow!","Dahlia: It is true you are a minor player, though it only takes one match to burn down acres of forest. In my plan to divide and conquer, you are my perfect kindling.","(She swipes at the air with her other hand, causing another two claw-marks to appear on Aiden's face, which bleed down his cheek)","Aiden: Aah! (He's crying now, and looks to be in agony) Why are you doing this to me?","Dahlia: Because... (She thrusts her arm forward and makes a fist with her hand, causing Aiden to gasp in pain and a bloody spot to appear on his shirt from his chest. Aiden falls to his knees) .. I need it to look convincing.","(She opens her fist, and Aiden's heart flies out of his chest and into her open hand. Aiden gasps one last time before he falls dead to the floor. Dahlia looks pleased as she examines Aiden's heart in her hand. As she walks away, she drops his heart onto the ground next to his body)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ THE FRENCH QUARTER ]","(It's night time now, and Josh is talking to Davina as they walk down the street to meet Aiden. Josh has packed everything he needs in his backpack, and seems excited to leave on an adventure)","Josh: I promise we'll move somewhere cool so you'll want to come visit. (Davina laughs) Any preferences, like, uh, Berlin, Rio, Joberg?","Davina: You know I'd go anywhere to see you.","Josh: You know I'd go anywhere to see you. You know, I... I hate to leave right after Kol and all. I feel like a jerk.","Davina: (laughs) No. I... I'm glad for you guys. Really, I am. I... It'd be too depressing if one of us didn't get a happy ending.","(Josh smiles at Davina, but they stop when they reach an alley. When Josh looks down it, he sees a figure laying on the ground and immediately drops his backpack on the ground)","Josh: (freaks out) What the...?","(He and Davina rush to the figure, and sure enough, it's Aiden, who is still sprawled on the alley floor with his heart on the ground next to him. Josh kneels next to Aiden and shakes him gently as he starts to cry)","Josh: No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. (He examines Aiden's clawed-up face and bites his wrist in hopes of saving him with his blood. However, when he sees Aiden's heart on the ground next to him, he realizes there's nothing he can do and begins to sob) Aiden? Aiden?","(Josh, absolutely devastated, begins to sob as Davina, who is still standing behind him, looks both furious and horrified at Aiden's death)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ]","(Elijah, Hayley, and Klaus are still arguing at the safe house)","Aiden? Aiden!","Klaus: Freya objected to us making a single weapon because it spoilt her plan.","Jackson: Klaus! Jack? Klaus! Oh, my God! What happened? Klaus made Aiden spy on us. Instead, he told me everything, so you killed him!","Hayley: You killed him, one of the wolves sworn to protect our daughter? So what if I did? This is what happens to anyone who dares cross me! Just give us the word, Jackson. Yes! Come and have a go, but you'll be putting your life on the line for one who was all too willing to betray you. Perhaps this never would have happened if he'd have had a real Alpha. Unh! Do you wish to die?","(Growls)","You want to kill me, too, Elijah?","Elijah: If you come at him, you come at me. You lot should make better use of your time. I suggest burying your dead. Get out! Niklaus, you mentioned a plan. I recommend you begin. Hayley and Hope are safe for the time being. They're not going anywhere. Shan't be long. I can't believe this is happening. My brother's lost his bloody mind. You really think those wolves are gonna fight to protect Hope now? He ruins everything he touches, turns everyone against us.","Davina: Marcel? We just heard. Is Josh with you? No. When Jackson came to get Aiden's body, he just took off.","D.","D, I'm so sorry. I brought something for you. Is that what I think it is? The dagger Kol and I made. I want you to use it. I want you to put Klaus down. Nice job today. First Klaus kills Aiden, and then you defend him? I was protecting Hope. Yeah. Well, if that's true, then what happens now? Somehow, I don't think that Klaus is gonna be able to save us. He loves her. I love her. Well, if you do, then let us leave. If you run to the bayou, I cannot protect you from Dahlia or Niklaus. We have a way of keeping Hope from doing magic. Dahlia won't be able to track us down. Jackson knows every inch of the bayou. He can protect us, and I know that Marcel will help us get out of the city. The only thing standing in our way is you. What are you asking me to do? We can't run from Dahlia and hide from Klaus at the same time. You want to protect us? Buy us some time.","Cami: Tell me you didn't do it. Tell me you didn't kill that sweet boy. Camille... They said you admitted it. Then why even come here? To see for yourself, morbid curiosity, a new piece of the puzzle in your long-standing analysis of the immortal b*st*rd? If I tell you who I am, and you refuse to believe me, then I can hardly be blamed for your disappointment. I wish I did believe you, and you know what? Maybe you were right, maybe about everything, even Freya. Maybe she's not what she seems. Maybe she is out to get you and twisting everyone against you, and maybe she is this terrible person, but you know what she didn't do, Klaus? She didn't just kill Aiden. She didn't just murder an innocent guy. And neither did I! What? Why did you tell them that you did? If I have spilled Crescent blood, then Hayley will be forced to question her pack's loyalty to Hope, and she will not run. But if they don't protect her, then who... Only I can save her, and I need them to fear me! Am I supposed to fear you, too? It would be better for you if you did, for you to believe I am the monster they would paint me as. And then one day when all of this was past, I might find you and profess my innocence, and because you are you, you would believe me, and we would pass a perfect afternoon in a corner cafe together. And I would wish for nothing more. A better man would protect you with that lie, but I am not that man... And so I leave you with the burden of a truth that no one will believe.","(Footsteps)","You put them in the paint... father's ashes, the earth from sacred ground, all hidden in plain sight. What are you doing here? You're supposed to be guarding Hayley. She's gone. She and Jackson took Hope, and you will not find them, brother. You helped Hayley escape with my daughter. Well, someone had to protect that child. How dare you! I'm a hybrid, Elijah. Why provoke a fight you cannot win? Unh! For Hope.","(Footsteps)","(Church bells playing Dahlia's melody)","(Melody continues)"],"Show Title":"The Originals","Episode Number":"02x19","Episode Title":"When the Levee Breaks","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Vampire_Diaries_01x08.json","Recap":["An old vampire friend of Stefan's arrives in Mystic Falls, the 350-year-old Lexi (Guest star Arielle Kebbel ). She makes Elena realize the value of love, and helps her to take the first step towards renewing a relationship with Stefan. Meanwhile, Jeremy stops doing drugs and putting off homework after Damon alters his memory of Vicki's death. Elena asks Damon if there is anything else that he did to her brother but all Damon says is that he \"removed the suffering\". Damon gives a box of vervain to Sheriff Forbes and she reveals to him all of the vampire hunters in town... unaware about his true nature. Damon frames Lexi for the death of a local boy by altering his girlfriend's memory and changing her testimony. The police apprehend Lexi. Outside the bar, Damon stakes Lexi and kills her before she can attack the sheriff or reveal his secret. Stefan is furious about what has been done to Lexi and tells Elena that she was right by ending things with him, then he takes off and attacks Damon, but stops short of killing him. He spares Damon's life to repay Damon for saving him from Logan. While wearing the amber crystal Bonnie has a nightmare and she wakes up in a cemetery."],"Transcript":["Stefan wakes up when his book falls on the floor.He hear some noise. Stefan:Damon? A Vampire Attacks him.","Stefan: Lexi! Lexi:Hi.","Stefan: What are you doing here? Lexi:How could you even ask that? Stefan:I missed you. Lexi:Happy Birthday. Stefan and Lexi are kidding in Stefan's room.","Lexi: Stop . I don't know, some freak shot at me with wooden bullet . I bail in under sixty .And why is a news reporter hunting vampires ?","Stefan: I don't know. Who knows about us . That guy did.There could be others . Do me a favor while you 're there ,please be careful.","Lexi : Why stay? I'm headed to New-York for the week-end .Bon Jovi in the Garden .\"Wanted dead or alive\" , it's our theme song.It'll be blast. Stefan:Do you think he would actually remember us? That was a pretty crazy week-end huh? Lexi:We can make him remember us.Come on Let's go.I mean,What's keeping you here. Stefan:I told you her name is Elena. Lexi:Let's hope she's better than the last girl you got all sprung over. Stefan:Tou didn't even know Katherine. Lexi:Cause if I did I'd kick her ass .Little bitch. Speaking of... where's Damon? Stefan:Inflicting misery somewhere. you gonna be ok here alone? Cause I got some things I gotta take care of. Lexi:It's not exactly like I can go anywhere. And you and damon are the only ones whit these nifty little daylight rings. I'have a mood ring form seventy five trade ya. Stefan:Doesn't work that way and you know it.","Lexi: Yeah.","Stefan: Hey Lex I'm really glad that you came here.","Lexi: What are we doing for your birthday ?It's not everyday a guy turn a hundred and sixty-two years old. Stefan:Really? Lexi:Oh yeah. Sheriff Forbes is asking questions about Vicki. Sheriff Forbes:Where did Vicky says she was going? Jeremy:She didn't.","Sheriff Forbes: Did she tell her brother where she's going ?","Matt : No she didn't say anything to me . She told Jeremy to tell me that she was leaving town. Sheriff Forbes:Is there anyone I can talk to that may know what happened to her prior to her living town ?","Matt: Stefan Salvatore may know he came by the house to see her but she wouldn't talk to him. Sheriff Forbes:What was he doing here?","Stefan: I was trying to help, i knew that elena was worried about her brother, he was dating vicky and she had drug problem so i tried to help. Sheriff Forbes:So you got involved because Elena asked you to? Elena:I asked stefan to help i thought that by helping vicky he was helping my brother. Sherif Forbes :What was her behavior like those last few days before she left ? Matt:Up and down , very sketchy like she was coming down from some major party. Sheriff Forbes:Any signs of agression or violence? Jeremy:No that I remember. Stefan:No. Elena:No. Sheriff Forbes:So you believe that Vicky has really left town? Matt:Yes. Stefan:Yes. Elena:Yes. Jeremy:I'll miss her but ...I thing it's for the best. Stefan is waiting Elena in front of the police station Stefan:I was tryin' to help her matt. That's all. Elena finally comes out .","Elena: I'll meet you guys at the car. Jenna:Ok Stefan:You're okay ?","Elena: I don't think the sheriff suspected anything . Jeremy had no memory at all . All he knew wa what Damon made him know. Stefan:Thank you. Elena:I can't do this stefan.Everytime I look at Matt or Jeremy ,all I tkink that vicky is never gonna come back. And they'llnever know why.Around you people get hurt and people die. I can't i just... it's just to much... Stefan:why don't we go somewhere and talk about it. Elena:No, Stefan you have to stay away from me. In stefan's room Lexi is sleeping Damon awake her. Lexi:Hmmm , Huh. Damon:Boo.","Lexi: Rooh. Damon:Hello Lexi .What an unexpected surprise . Lexi:Unexpected Surprise? I think the wrong brother went back at high school. Damon:how long you here for? Lexi:Just for stefan's BDay.","Damon: you mean you didn't come all this way to see me. Lexi:That's it Damon .After a century I finally realize death mean nothing without you. do me. Damon:why are you so mean to me. Lexi:have you met you? , you're not nice person. Damon :Because I'm a vampire.","Lexi: But you're only the bad parts. Damon:Teach me to be good. Lexi takes him by the neck. Lexi:I'm older and that mean stronger.","Damon: sorry. Lexi:Don't ruin my time with stefan cause I'll hurt you and you know I can do it . Damon:Yeah. At bonnie's house, Bonnie is packing her suitcase.","Bonnie's Grand Mother: You're leavin' ? Bonnie:Dad doesn't like it when I stay here too much. Bonnie's Grand Mother:Because he misses you or because he doesn't trust me. You're father's problemis he lacks imagination. He thinks I fill your head with my whitchy juju . Bonnie:He's right.","Bonnie's Grand Mother: He's always rights that's his other problem.You needto be wearing that.","Bonnie: Igotta give it back to caroline it doesn't belong to me.","Bonnie's Grand Mother: Yes it does it was your ancestor's and now it yours . Bonnie:Emily was your ancestor to why don't you wear it? Bonnie's Grand Mother:Because it didn't find me , it found you , protected you a which's talisman is a powerful tool don't be givin' that back to anybody. Bonnie:I just wish it was prettier. At Elena's home , Elena is sitting on the caoutch.Jenna comes and sits next to her.Jeremy is writting something behind them.","Jenna: you're wallowing.","Elena : So are you.","Jenna: My wallow is legitimate. I was dumped. Elena:Yeah. Well logan 's a jerk.","Jenna: You didn't get a brush-off e-mail say:\" I'm leaving town see ya.\"","Jeremy: Wanna keep it down over there.","Jenna: Why? What are you doing?","Jeremy: Homework. Elena:Since when do you do homework?","Jeremy: I gotta finish this.i'm way behing and I have a quizz tomorrow so...","Elena: What do you think ?Alien? Jenna:Some sort of replicant.","Jeremy: he can hear you At sheriff's office , sheriff Forbes is dealing with paper , she receive a call. Sheriff Forbes:Yeah so send him in .[Damon enter to the office] Mister Salvatore come on in .Could you get the door for me? Damon:Sure. Sheriff Forbes:I understand from Mrs. Lockwood that your uncle's is out the town.","Damon: Yes he is . but I spoke to Zach . He filled me in and asked me if I could bring this to you. Sheriff Forbes:Vervain.","Damon: That's all we have at the moment I hope it's enough. Sheriff Forbes:It's a small circle ...Founding families , a few city officials. Damon:And your deputies, of course right? Are we any closer? Sheriff Forbes :I think our facts are wrong . We've always believed that vampires can only come out in the dark. What if that's changed. Damon:So is that even possible","Sheriff Forbes: We've exhausted every other option . We have to consider the vampire may be walking around during the day.Right in front of us. Damon:Hum .So what's the next step?","Sheriff Forbes: We are looking at anyone new to town ,since the deaths began. Should turn up a suspect or two. Damon:And I of course will do anything I can to help. Bonnie came in Elena's Bedroom.","Bonnie: You Up ?","Elena: No Bonnie tire la couverture, no, no.","Bonnie: Why haven't you call me back? Elena :I'm sorry.","Bonnie: Are you gonna stay in there forever? Elena:Yeah.","Bonnie: Move over .I'm offically worried. what's going on?","Elena: I'm tired of thinking ... of talking I...","Bonnie: Can I get one-line versionso I can at least pretend to be helpful?","Elena: Stefan and I broke up. Bonnie:I'm so sorry .Aare you ok ? Right stupid question. I know I've been kind of MIA when you need me the most.I suck. Elena:You wanna make it up to me .Get my mind off it .","Bonnie: Just remember you asked for it . She destroy a pillow.","Elena: Hey .","Bonnie: Be patient .","Elena: Ok.","Bonnie: I need you to swear you to secrecy.","Elena: It's king of a bad week for that kind of stuff.","Bonnie: Swear cause I'm not suppose to be showing you this. Elena:Ok I swear. Bonnie:There's no windows open right.","Elena: Right. Bonnie :There's no fan .No air conditionning.","Elena: None.What are doing ? Bonnie:Grams just showed me this . You're gonna love it. You ready? Elena:Bonnie what's going on?","Bonnie: It's true elena .Everything my grams tolds me.","Elena: It's impossible.","Bonnie: But it's true. I'm a witch.","Elena: I believe you. Caroline meet Damon on the street","Caroline: Look dungeon boy I'm done being your little slave girl . You seriously hurt me ,.And I will be damned if you think.. [He hypnotize her]Oh My god where have you been ?It's really good to see you.","Damon: Much better .You wanna throw a party at the grill tonight.","Caroline: Oh why don't you do it.","Damon: Because then Stefan and his BFF won't come .I need a lot of people . Big crowd .Invite everyone.","Caroline: And why am I having this party.","Damon: Because you're gonna help me solve this town's little vampire problem .And I want my cristal back. Caroline:But Bonnie has it. Damon:I now that .Get it from her. Lexi and Stefan are speaking. Lexi:So this Elena girl .She'll come around. I'm sure of it.Have you had s*x yet.","Stefan : No","Lexi: s*x always work. Mean you'll rock her world so hard with your vamp s*x.She'll be yours forever forever. Stefan:Yeah,but see, this isn't about s*x or... or compulsion or anyof our other tricks. She has to want to be with me on her own terms.","Lexi : Waouh that sounded all mature and grownd-up.","Stefan: I'm not getting any older. She takes some blood. Lexi:Want some ?","Stefan: No thank you. Lexi:Relax I didn't kill anyone for it .This phlebotomist i went out with a few times, he's my supplier. Oh don't judge ok? Listen I tried the animal diet lasted three weeks.","Stefan: It doesn't matter . Cause if I started again ... I just don't know if... Lexi:You could stop. Stefan:Lexi I'd never judge you. Lexi:I'm just jealous of your restraint. I have none. I delight i hedonism . Speaking of which, what are we doing tonight? Damon:Funny you should ask. Lexi:Well I wasn't asking you. Damon:There's a party at the grill . You'll love it.Banquettes, Tacky wait staff, All Stefanf's friends. Stefan:Oh I don't want a Birthday party. Damon:Well,It's not for you. It's a party party. No one's gonna know it's your birthday.Caroline's throwing it. Stefan:Damon stay away from Caroline. Damon:We're friends it's cool.It's important for the town to see us out and about like normal folk.We need to blend.He looks at Lexi's stock of blood.I prefer mine at 98.6. Lexi:Let's Go.Please? Back to Bonnie and Elena in Elena's bedroom. Bonnie:It's Weird huh ? after all This times joking about being psychic.I really am a witch.You don't think I'm a freak do you? Elena:No of course not.Bonnie I just ...don't understand though .If your grams asked you to keep all this secret , why did you tell me ? Bonnie:You're my best friend.I can't keep secrets from you. Lexi going out of a shower. Lexi:I'm almost ready.","Stefan : I can't believe you actually think that we should go on this thing Lexi:Sorry to asking you to run outside midday without your ring.I mean serioulsy it's a party. Stefan:A Party that Damon wants us to go to .So My question is why?I think he's up to something. Lexi:Who cares.What can he possibly of all those people in a public place. Stefan:He knows how to keep a low .Believe me. Lexi:Ok so he'll behave.Come on.One day a year I get you , one day that you're not brooding and existing in your own head. Stefan:It's my birthday yeah? Lexi:It's my day and that guy that jump naked in the Trevi fountain;And got drunk on the torch of the statue of Liberty.That guy can take a break from all of his worrying one night.And go to a stupid party.So quit your whining and go get ready. Stefan:Fine Elena arrives at stefan's place.She knocks on the door. Lexi:It's open come on in.[Elena come in] Oh My God! How...How...Who? Elena:I'm Elena who are you? Lexi:Lexi a friend of stefan's. Elena:Is he here? Lexi:He's in the shower do you want to wait? Elena:No. Lexi:I'll tell him you stopped by. Elena:That's okay. Lexi goes to Stefan's Bedroom , she seems furious. Lexi:Are you out of your freaking mind? Stefan:What are you talking about? Lexi:I've just met Eelena, you have some serious explaining to do.You have some serious emotion damage. Stefan:No it's not what you think, she's not Katherine. Lexi:So they're related cause they can be twins. Stefan:I don't know. Lexi:You don't know or you didn't find out? Stefan:No maybe i don't want to know. I have no desire to tie Elena to Katherine.Ok yes , yes the resemblance is what drew me in .But that's it.Katherine and Elena may look the same at the outside but at the inside they are completely different. Lexi:So Eelena is not a raging Bitch then huh? Stefan:No. Elena is ... Elena's warm and she's...she's kind, and carind ans she's selfless and it's real and honestly when I'm around her... I completely forget what I am. Lexi:Oh My god! you're in love with her. Stefan:Yeah I am.","[SCENE_BREAK]","At the mystic grill party Caroline:Amazing party right ? Damon:Glad you thought of it. Caroline:Well,have you having good time? Damon:Do you have my cristal? Caroline:No. Damon:Then i'm niot having a good time [Damon sees lexi]Where's my brother? Lexi:He said he'd meet me here. Damon:Buy you a ... Elena open the door , Stefan is behind it. Stefan:Hey Elena:What are you doing here? Stefan:Lexi said that you came by and you seem upset. Lexi:The girl in the towel. Stefan:The girl in the towel?.Oh no no no no not like that she's not exactly a girl she's just 350 years old Elena:You mean she's a...","Stefan: And she's my oldest friend.Nothing romantic .Ever. Elena:Okay ,well ...she kept stop starring at me it was weird. Stefan:Yeah well i've talk about you a lot so...I guess she felt like she knew you.So why'd you come by? Elena:It was ; it was some mistake. Stefan:Elena talk to me. Elena:I can't.Stefan i can't and that's the problem I'm keeping all these secrets from everyone.I can't even tell my best friend . Do you know how hard that is?It's like I need to talk to someone but the only person I can talk to is you ...and.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Stefan:I want you to know that I will always be here for you .you can come to me about anything okay? Elena:Well ,thank you for coming by.","Stefan: hey do you need a ride to the grill tonight. Elena:Are you going to caroline's party? Stefan:Lexi's dragging me and ...it's my birthday. Elena:Really? Waouh happy birthday then. Stefan:Thank you actually I ...I think I'm gonna stay in tonight. Stefan:Well have... have a good night. At the mystic grill , people having fun. Caroline:Bonnie I've been looking for you. I'm totally sorry to do this I know it's so indian giverand ,we're not supposed to say that anymore but I need my cristal back. Bonnie:Why ? You said you hated it. Caroline:then I saw it on you and I realize how great it is and I've got three outfits I can coordinate it with so...","Bonnie: I can't give it back to you.","Caroline: Well I didn't want to tell you this but I'm you friend ,when you wear it make you look fat there i said it but i's because I'm your friend so... Bonnie:I'm sorry caroline I can't.","Caroline: What do you mean you can't ?Bonnie it's mine.","Bonnie: I thought you said it was Damon's. Caroline:It is. Bonnie:So he's the one who really wants it back. Caroline:No maybe just... are you wearing polyester?","Bonnie: You were really gonna pull it from my neck what the hell is wrong with you.","Caroline: Argh! Stefan comes into the grill Stefan:Matt, just hear me out please I just tryin to help vicki, I went through something similar once, I'm really sorry. Matt:Don't be it's not the first time she's run off.Turn out vicki's like her mother I can't count on either of them, thanks for tryin. Damon runs into caroline Damon:Where is it?","Caroline: Bonnie won't give it to me.","Damon: So rip it off her neck.","Caroline: I tried .It shocked me.","Damon: Damn it .Why does it do that I need that cristal. Caroline:Why have you been like this .I'm s good to you and iId do anything it's just some stupid necklace.","Damon: No you are the only stupid thing here .And shallow. And useless. Lexi is dancing , stefan find her. Lexi:Okay,I'm gonna need a litle more foot movement.","Stefan: Yeah not really interested in making a fool out of myself.","Lexi: Come on you're not that bad.","Stefan: Do me a favor.Tell me if you see Damon with camera phone. Lexi:Right. Damon get out","A girl: where are we going? Boy:No one's gonna see us... They kiss each other damon sees it. Girl:did you hear something? Boy:No it's cool. There's no one coming down here. Damon bites him the girl screams. Stefan is playing billiard.","Stefan : Woo! Lexi:Nice! Elena's lookin at stefan","Damon: Stefan smiles alert the media.","Elena: You haven't give him a lot of reasons to be happy lately.","Damon: No you're right poor stefan persecuted throughout eternity by this depraved brother, does it get tiring being so righteous?","Elena: It flaresup in the presence of psychopath.","Damon: Ouch! consider this psychopath's feelings get hurt.","Elena: what did you do to my brother.","Damon: I'm gonna need a less vague question.","Elena: When you did what you did to jeremy's memory of vicky, what else did you do to him?","Damon: You asked me to take away his memory of fangs and all the bad stuff .You wanted me to take away his suffering.","Elena: But he's acting different he seems okay with everything and a little too okay.I mean he's studing , he's not doing drugs ,he's not drinkig, are you sure you didn't do something else? Damon:elena I took away the suffering. Bonnie stops caroline","Bonnie: Caroline. Caroline:Don't talk to me. Bonnie:Don't do that let me explain. Caroline:What is there to explain Bonnie ?you got what you wanted... and something that doesn't even belong to you by the way and I get called a shallow , useless waste of space.","Bonnie: Who said that to you? Caroline:Who do you think?","Bonnie: You know that not true don't let him treat you like that.","Caroline: As opposed o how my best friends treat me. Out a police officer in a car. Girl :Help me. On the bar Lexi:Two shots of tequila make that three.","Barman: I need to see some ID.","Lexi: No you don't. Barman:That'll be ..","Lexi: Free.","Barman: On the house. Lexi:Thanks. She goes away with tequila","Lexi: Oh !The famous Elena.","Elena: Towel girl Lexi:I've been called worse .Here.","Elena: Yeah she took tequila I didn't know that you guys could drink. Lexi:Oh yeah it helps curb the cravings but makes for la lot of lushy vamps. Elena:I've never seen stefan drunk he always seem so...","Lexi: Uptight?","Elena: But now with you. Lexi:Well that the benefit for knoiwing someone for over a hundred years. You can just be yourself.","Elena: Yeah he can't be himself with me.","Lexi: Well not yet the first step is him telling you, the rest comes with time.","Elena: You seems so sure. Lexi:The love of my life was human he went through , what I imagine you're going through denial,anger et cetera ..But at the end of the day love really did conquer all. Are you going to drikn that ?","Elena: Go for it .I'm scared. Lexi:but you're here... cause you crazy about him I get it okay? I mean what's not to love . , Listen .Take it from someone who's been around a long time .When it's real , you can't walk away.","Elena: Hey Lexi it has been really nice meeting you. Lexi rejoin stefan who is still playing. Lexi:Yep I drink yours sorry. Stefan:Thank you. Lexi:You weren't supposed to be listening I was feeling epic whatever . Outside.","Sheriff Forbes: Keep this contained.","Officer: That's not all. Sheriff:Hey hey did you see what did this?Tell me everything you saw. Elena rejoin Stefan. Elena:Hi! Stefan.Hey you came.","Elena : I couldn't miss your hundredth and... whatever birthday. Caroline rejoin Matt. Matt:Oh hey!","Caroline: I slim...I'm slipped.I slipped.","Matt: Hammered huh?","Caroline: Well ... a very nice but not handsome , bartender was very kind to me tonight.Unlike the rest of the global humanverse.Are those curly fries. Matt:Coffee for the drunk girl, bad night huh ? Caroline:Baddest .Am I shallow?","Matt: It's that a trick question?","Caroline: I don't mean to he . I wanna be deep .I wanna be, like ...the abyss deep. Matt:No offense,Care,but deep's really not your scene. Caroline:That's true I'm shallow,I am worst than shallow ,I'm a kiddie pool. Matt:You're not a kiddie pool . You're not a kiddie pool. Caroline:Can I just go home okay? Matt:I'll take you come on, you're ok , she's still alright,Hold still,Hold still. Outside Matt runs into Sheriff Forbes. Sherriff Forbes:What happened is she ok ? Caroline:Like you care. Sheriff Forbes:She's drunk? Caroline:As a skunk. Sheriff Forbes:Are they sirving you in there? Matt:I'll take her home .It's on my way . They haven't been drinking. Sheriff Forbes:iIwould apreciate that matt thank you . You and I will discuss this later. Caroline:Can't wait. Sheriff Forbes:Don't let anybody else leave. On the bar Lexi:All right ,the shots are bribe , I need you a answer to a question .What are you really doing in Mystic Falls? Damon:Have you try The Brittle .It wins award.","Lexi: Cut the crap. Damon:Ok I have a diabolical master plan. Lexi:What is it? Damon:If I told you it wouldn't be very diabolical , would it? Sheriff forbes comes in with the girl.","Sheriff Forbes: Look around let me know if you see him. Damon:What are you doing? Sheriff Forbes:thank you for the vervain; now if you'll excuse me. Stefan:Oh my god! Elena:What is it? Stefan:Excuse me sorry","Officier: Can't go out this way Outside Damon Kills Lexi. Stefan :Oh my god! Lexi:Why?","Damon: It's part of the plan, you okay? Sheriff Forbes:Thank you .Get her in the car quickly. Damon:All right. Inside The Grill Barman:Lady I checked everyone's identity. Sheriff Forbes:Yeah apparently you didn't. She sees Damon.","Sheriff Forbes: Pretty handy with that stake. Damon:It Just ...reflex .I guess the adrenaline kicked in. Sheriff Forbes:This nightmare is finally over. Damon:Yeah call a lucky break with that witness, without her you wouldn't have been able to ID the vampire. Sheriff Forbes:Wery lucky,well thank you again. Damon:You're welcome. In Carolines Bedroom. Matt:You gonna be ok? Caroline:No .Do you ever feel like there's not a person in the world that loves you? Matt:Life can be a litte rough.","Caroline: I just wish... Matt:What?","Caroline: Wish that life was... different. Matt:Yeah me too. Caroline:Please ...don't leave me alone. Outside the grill. Elena:Stefan ! Stefan! Stefan:He killed her,he killed zach , he killed tanner he turned vicky , I have to kill him. Elena:No you can't do that.","Stefan: Why are you tryin to save him ?Elena he's never gonna change. Don't you see that? He's not gonna change. Elena:I'm not tryin to save him, I'm tryin to save you ,you have no idea what this will do to you ,please Stefan. Stefan:Everywhere I'd been pain and death follow, Damon follows me .No more. Elena:Stefan please. Please just talk to me ;Let me be here for you . Talk to me.","Stefan: No. You were right to stay away from me. In Salvatore's house. Damon:Told you to take care of it.Come on I did this for you. To get them off our trail. Stefan:You never do anything for anyone but yourself. Damon:You missed. Stefan:No you saved my life .I'm sparing yours, we're even.And now we're done. In Bonnie's Dream ,she runs in the woods.","Emily: It's comming. Bonnie Wakes up in wood near to the old church."],"Show Title":"The Vampire Diaries","Episode Number":"01x08","Episode Title":"162 Candles","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Vampire_Diaries_01x17.json","Recap":["A bad storm approaches Mystic Falls making the roads dangerous. Jeremy keeps trying to convince Anna to turn him, but she refuses. While out hunting, Stefan is captured by Frederic and his friends, who intend to torture him before killing him. Damon goes to the house, realizing he cannot get in because the owner of the house has been compelled not to invite him in. Damon and Elena therefore convince Alaric to work with them to help Stefan. Damon, however, will not allow Elena to come into the house with them. Pearl meets Mayor Lockwood in the Mystic Grill. Meanwhile, Matt is angry with his mother Kelly, but is fearful of pressuring her too much, afraid that she may leave again. Alaric enters the vampire house under the pretext of borrowing the phone. Damon kills the human living in the house, thus enabling him to enter. After her car breaks down in the storm, Caroline discovers the remains of Vicki Donovan in the woods. Matt and Kelly are heartbroken by the news. Damon and Elena rescue Stefan, but a fight erupts in which Damon and Alaric kill most of the vampires. Frederick comes after Elena and Stefan, wounding Stefan badly. Elena has to feed Stefan her blood to revive him. Stefan briefly loses control of himself. Anna agrees to turn Jeremy, but she then figures out (and he does not deny) that the real reason he wanted to be turned was to be with Vicki, whom he now knows to be dead. Damon discovers that Stefan has lost control of his blood lust, drinking large amounts of human blood from Damon's storage of IV bags."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","STEFAN: For over a century, I have lived in secret until now. I know the risk. But I have to know her.","DAMON: There's a tomb underneath the church. A spell sealed Katherine in that tomb, protecting her. I'm gonna bring her back.","DAMON: She's not there!","STEFAN: You saved everyone in the church?","PEARL: We've taken up residence in a farmhouse just outside of town.","DAMON: All 25 vampires?","PEARL: Some.","FREDERICK: I hate this house. I didn't stay locked up for 145 years to end up locked up here.","PEARL: So, where's Bethanne?","FREDERICK: She won't be coming back.","ALARIC: My wife Isobel spent her life researching paranormal activity in this area. What have you done to my wife?","DAMON: I turned her.","JEREMY: Maybe there is such a thing as vampires. They're just different from the way we always thought they were.","JEREMY: Aah! You got a problem with blood, Anna? Ahh!","JEREMY: I knew this girl Vicki. She was attacked by an animal, a bite to the neck. And then I saw your face.","ANNA: Why would you confront me about it?","JEREMY: Because maybe it's true about Vicki. And also because I want you to turn me.","GILBERT'S HOUSE","Elena sleeps whereas, outside it makes a violent one storm. Suddenly, it awakes in start because her window opens brutally. It rises and will close again it shocked. On their side, Jeremy in his room, sitting on his bed whereas Anna looks at outside.","ANNA: I love storms.","JEREMY: Is that a vampire thing? 'cause I read vampires don't like running water.","ANNA: It's only Dracula. Yeah. He was a complete wuss. Never showered. Very smelly.","JEREMY: Seriously?","ANNA: First rule about vampires, don't believe anything you read.","JEREMY: You gotta tell me more. I gotta know.","ANNA: No, you don't. 'cause you're not gonna be one.","JEREMY: Come on, you can't keep saying \"no\" To me.","ANNA: Look, I'm not gonna turn someone who learned everything he knows about vampires from Netflix.","JEREMY: That's not true, and you know it.","ANNA: Why do you even want this? Give me one good reason.","JEREMY: 'cause I...","ANNA: Hmm. Let me know when you can finish that sentence.","(Elena returns in the room, Anna left)","ELENA: Hey, you're still up.","JEREMY: Hey, what's up?","ELENA: Looks like the there's a big storm rolling in. Can you help make sure all the windows are closed?","JEREMY: Yeah. Yeah. Sure.","MLLE GIBBONS' HOUSE","Pearl comes to talks with Frederick.","FREDERICK: We're running low on blood. You might wanna send Anna to the hospital for some more.","PEARL: I'll send her out for some tomorrow.","FREDERICK: Maybe I could go with her. If the storm keeps it dark enough, I might be able to go out during the day, no sun and all.","PEARL: I'm afraid not. Not after your stunt at the Salvatore house tonight.","FREDERICK: He and his brother deserved it.","PEARL: And where did that get you? Your girlfriend Bethanne is dead. And you have no one to blame but yourself. We cannot live our lives about revenge. We have to have better control of our emotions.","FREDERICK: I understand, miss Pearl. I just wish I knew what you were up to.","PEARL: I'm going to make an exploratory visit into town tomorrow to assess who's under the influence of vervain and who isn't. Anna tells me that the players haven't changed much. It's still the Lockwoods, the Forbes, the Fells...","FREDERICK: We should kill every last one of them.","PEARL: We are smarter than that, Frederick. These people are not our enemies. We don't hold grudges and resentments. We'll get our town back. We just have to have patience.","FREDERICK: You heard her. No revenge. Patience. Self-control. She seems to have it all figured out, doesn't she?","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Damon stopping the hole of the window with a board while Stefan and Elena look at him.","DAMON: I say we go to Pearl's, bust down the door, and annihilate the idiot that attacked us last night.","STEFAN: Yeah. And then what? We turn to the rest of that house of vampires and say, \"Oops. Sorry?\"","ELENA: I can't believe you made a deal with her.","DAMON: It was more like a helpful exchange of information. And it's not like a choice. She's... scary. Besides, she's gonna help me get Katherine back.","ELENA: Of course she is. Damon gets what he wants, as usual. No matter who he hurts in the process.","DAMON: You don't have to be snarky about it.","ELENA: I woke up this morning to learn that all the vampires have been released from the tomb. I've earned snarky.","DAMON: How long are you going to blame me for turning your birth mother into a vampire?","ELENA: I'm not blaming you, Damon. I've accepted the fact that you're a self-serving psychopath with no redeeming qualities.","DAMON: Ouch.","STEFAN: This isn't being very productive. We're gonna figure out a way to deal with Pearl and the vampires. Yeah? Hmm.","(Damon goes out)","ELENA: I'm sorry. He just makes me so cranky.","STEFAN: I know. He makes everybody cranky.","ELENA: So, what are we going to do?","STEFAN: Damon and I are gonna handle everything, I promise.","ELENA: Well, what about me? I can't just sit here and do nothing.","STEFAN: That's exactly what you're gonna do, because that's what going to keep you safe.","ELENA: Which means nothing if you're not safe, too.","STEFAN: What do you mean? I'm perfectly safe. I have Damon, the self-serving psychopath on my side.","ELENA: Well, that's comforting.","MISTIC GRILL","Jeremy talks with Anna.","ANNA: Ok. We have some time. I'm not meeting my mom until later.","JEREMY: Wait. Does your mom know you're a...","ANNA: The fact that you would even think it's possible to keep something like that a secret from your own family is just further proof that you're not ready.","JEREMY: \"Not ready\" Is a step up from \"No.\"","ANNA: And a million steps down from \"Maybe.\" I like your bracelet.","JEREMY: Thanks. My sister got it for me.","ANNA: Can I see it?","JEREMY: Yeah. Yeah.","ANNA: Your sister doesn't know you're hanging out with me, does she?","JEREMY: No. No. But I don't see why it would be a problem. It's not like she knows what you are.","ANNA: I'd rather keep it our little secret.","JEREMY: You know, why don't you...why don't you keep this?","ANNA: Why would you give this to me?","JEREMY: Because. You like it. And I like you.","ANNA: You only like me because of what you want from me.","JEREMY: No. I...I like you.","ANNA: Um... You know, you should wear it. It looks better on you anyway. Matt talks with Caroline.","MATT: I yelled at my mom last night. You know, I feel like the parent and the screwed-up kid.","CAROLINE: Maybe she needed to hear it.","MATT: Yeah, but just... I worry that if I push too hard, then she will take off again. 'cause that's her M.O. Just like Vicki, who I haven't heard from since she left.","CAROLINE: Well, you can't control your mom, Matt, any more than you can control your sister.","MATT: I wish that she would just try a little. You know? If she would just try to try, that'd be ok.","CAROLINE: Maybe she'll surprise you. People have a tendency to do that. I should go before the roads get even worse from the storm.","MATT: Yeah. Are you sure you should be driving right now?","CAROLINE: I have to. It's my dad's boyfriend's daughter's birthday. We have a non-traditional traditional ritual.","MATT: Well, buckle up. Don't speed. Stay off your cell phone. And call me when you get there.","CAROLINE: Got it. Anything else?","MATT: Yes.","CAROLINE: Bye.","MATT: Bye.","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Damon putting the clock per hour while Stefan between in a hurry.","DAMON: Hunting party?","STEFAN: That guy did a number on me last night when he stabbed me. I gotta get my strength back up.","DAMON: I've got 2 liters of soccer mom in the fridge. No?","STEFAN: We'll talk when I get back?","DAMON: All right. Give my regards to the squirrels.","DRILL","Stefan, under the beating rain, drives out. Suddenly, it stops bus of the vampires are behind him. It is turned over. But Frederick is pointed in front of him and inserts a pile in the body to him.","STEFAN: Aah!","GILBERT'S HOUSE","The telephone of Elena sounds, she takes it but notes that it is Damon. She is unaware of the call. A few seconds later, somebody sounds. She will open, it is Damon which enters.","DAMON: You're ignoring me","ELENA: The 6 missed calls? Sorry. My phone is dead.","DAMON: Is Stefan here?","ELENA: No. Why? Something wrong?","DAMON: He went out to the woods and didn't come back. I can't get him on his phone. I figured he was here with you.","ELENA: It's going straight to voice-mail. Where could he be?","DAMON: You're not going to like what I'm thinking.","MLLE GIBBONS' HOUSE","Damon knocks on the door.","DAMON: Pearl! Open this door. I swear to God I'll bust through and rip your head off.","FREDERICK: Pearl's not home. Hmm. Beautiful weather. Not a ray of sun in the sky.","DAMON: Where's my brother?","FREDERICK: Billy.","(Two vampires appear trailing failing Stefan)","DAMON: You're dead.","FREDERICK: Whoa. I'm sorry. You haven't been invited in. Miss Gibbons?","(She comes in)","GIBBONS: Yes, Frederick honey?","FREDERICK: Never let this bad man in.","GIBBONS: I'll never let him in.","STEFAN: Ugh!","FREDERICK: 145 years left starving in a tomb, thanks to Katherine's infatuation with you and your brother. First few weeks, every single nerve in your body screams with fire. The kind of pain that can drive a person mad. Well... I thought your brother might've wanted to get a taste of that before I killed him. Billy.","STEFAN: Uhh! Aah!","FREDERICK: You have a nice day.","GRILL","Elena asks to Damon what it's happened.","ELENA: What happened? Where is he?","DAMON: They have him. I can't get in.","ELENA: Why not?","DAMON: Because the woman that owns the house is compelled to not let me in.","ELENA: I can get in.","DAMON: You're not going in there.","ELENA: I'm going!","DAMON: You're not going there.","ELENA: Why are they doing this? What do they want with him?","DAMON: Revenge. They want revenge.","ELENA: We gotta do something.","DAMON: I know.","ELENA: We can't let them hurt him. We gotta get him out of there.","DAMON: I know. Elena, I know. But I don't know how to get him out.","MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE","Vampires connecting Stefan with cords covered with vervain in the cave.","FREDERICK: Vervain on the ropes.","STEFAN: Aah! Unh!","FREDERICK: That's gotta sting. Speaking of...","STEFAN: Aah!","(Harper comes in)","HARPER: This isn't right!","FREDERICK: He killed Bethanne. One of us, Harper. And don't you think for a second he wouldn't kill you if he had the chance. Pearl says we're not here for revenge, right? I say that's exactly what we're here for. Starting with this.","STEFAN: Aah! Aah!","FREDERICK: And then his brother. And anyone else that gets in our way.","HARPER: This isn't right!","FREDERICK: You're gonna want to let go of me!","HARPER: Miss Pearl will be home soon.","FREDERICK: Miss Pearl is no longer in charge. Tie him up! And then stake him down.","HIGH SCHOOL","Alaric going in his class when he crosses Damon. They are fixed.","DAMON: Well, don't you look... alive?","ALARIC: You can't hurt me.","DAMON: Oh, I can hurt you, all right.","ELENA: Mr. Saltzman. We need your help. They enter in the classroom.","ELENA: Stefan's in the house. Damon's a vampire. He can't get in. We need you. I would go, but...","DAMON: Your life is valuable. Yours, on the other hand...","ELENA: Stefan told me about your ring.","ALARIC: What about it?","DAMON: Let me recap...You tried to kill me. I defended myself. You died. Then according to my brother, your ring brought you back to life. Am I leaving anything out?","ALARIC: Yeah. The part where I try and kill you again. Only this time, I don't miss.","ELENA: Mr. Saltzman. Please. It's Stefan.","ALARIC: I'm sorry, Elena. But it's not my problem.","DAMON: That's a shame. Because the woman in charge of the crowd can help you find your wife.","ALARIC: You're lying.","DAMON: Am I? Why don't you ask her yourself? Coward. Come on, Elena.","ALARIC: All right! Wait. I'll go.","MYSTIC GRILL","Jeremy gives his answer to Anna asks him.","JEREMY: So, I have an answer.","ANNA: To what?","JEREMY: Why you should turn me.","ANNA: We're back to that?","JEREMY: Look, I wake up every day, and I feel ok, but there's something missing. Like a...like a hole. Some people, they fit... in life, or whatever. I... I don't.","ANNA: So, you want a pity-turn? I don't think so.","JEREMY: You should turn me because I don't have anything else.","ANNA: Do you even know why we turn other people? It's not to give someone a one-way ticket out of loner-hood. Ok? One--we need someone to do our dirty work. Two, revenge. Three, boredom... but, you know, that never turns out well. And then you know there's the obvious one. You love someone so much that you would do anything to spend all of eternity with them. Ahem. I'm sorry, but you don't fit any of those categories yet.","(Anna sees her mother to enter in the grill)","ANNA: So, yeah. Just make sure your thesis is clear, and she'll love it. See you later.","(She joins her)","ANNA: Mom, hey.","PEARL: Did you get everything?","ANNA: Yeah, the blood-bank was understaffed because of the rain. I was in and out.","PEARL: Who's that you were talking to?","ANNA: A friend from the library.","PEARL: Let's get home.","M. Lockwood and Tyler enter in the grill.","M. LOCKWOOD: Hey, you're not going out in that, are ya? The roads are dangerous. Route 5 is completely flooded.","PEARL: We'll make do.","WAITRESS: Mayor Lockwood, we have your table ready.","TYLER: Great.","PEARL: Mayor... Lockwood, is it? I suppose it is treacherous outside. My name is Pearl.","M. LOOKWOOD: Hi.","PEARL: This is my daughter Anna. We've just recently moved to town.","M. LOOKWOOD: Welcome. Richard Lockwood. This is my son Tyler. Please--please, join us.","PEARL: It would be a pleasure.","TYLER: Be more creepy, dad. Not like your son is standing right here.","M. LOOKWOOD: Grow up. Elections are coming. She's a constituent. And a rich one, from the looks of it.","TYLER: You can tell all that by looking at her ass? Awesome. I'm gonna go shoot some pool.","ALARIC'S CLASSROOM","Alaric shows his weapons to fight vampires.","DAMON: Teacher by day, vampire hunter by night.","ALARIC: I've you to thank for that.","ELENA: What are these?","ALARIC: Those are tranquilizer darts filled with vervain.","DAMON: Just get me in. I'll get Stefan out.","ELENA: That's your plan? You're just gonna take them all on yourself?","DAMON: Well, I'll be a little stealthier than that, hopefully.","ALARIC: Whoa. What are you doing?","ELENA: I'm going with you guys.","DAMON: No. No. No. No. No way.","ELENA: You need me. I'll get in. You could distract them, and then I'll get Stefan out.","DAMON: You'll get yourself killed. You're not going in there.","ELENA: I'm going.","DAMON: So, when you get me in, get out as quickly as you can. I know how to sneak around where they can't hear me. You'll basically just be in the way.","ELENA: Damon, now is not the time to be the lone ranger.","DAMON: Fine. Elena, you can drive the getaway car. You're not going in the house.","ELENA: You can't stop me. It's Stefan we're talking about here. You don't understand.","DAMON: Oh, I understand. I understand. He's the reason you live. His love lifts you up where you belong. I get it.","ELENA: Can you just not joke around for 2 seconds?","DAMON: I can't protect you, Elena. I don't know how many vampires there are in there. That's how long it takes you to get your head ripped off. I have to be able to get in and get out. I can't be distracted with your safety. Or this will end up a bloodbath that none of us walk away from...Including Stefan. I know. I get it. I understand.","ALARIC: If we're gonna go, let's go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","MYSTIC GRILL\/CAROLINE'S CAR","Matt calls to Caroline.","MATT: Where are you? I can barely hear you.","CAROLINE: Storm washed out Route 5. Now I'm detoured on some random backwoods path to hell.","MATT: Well, you shouldn't be talking while you're driving.","CAROLINE: I know, right? I need one of those bluetooth thingies.","MATT: Look, you're breaking up. Just turn around and go back the same way you came. And watch the road. Ok?","CAROLINE: Ok.","DRILL","The car of Caroline was inserted in mud.","CAROLINE: God. Ohh. Ohh. Seriously.","MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE","Alaric makes pretense require of the assistance.","ALARIC: Oh, good, someone's home. Uh, could I use your phone? My car broke down a few miles up the road. This was the first house I saw.","FREDERICK: Well, lucky you.","ALARIC: Yeah. Lucky me. It's no trouble, is it?","FREDERICK: Not the slightest.","ALARIC: Great. Whew.","(Alaric enters in the house)","ALARIC: Hey, man, I really appreciate it. It's rough out there.","FREDERICK: Billy, show our visitor where the phone is in the kitchen. And get me something to drink.","BILLY: Yeah. Sure thing.","Billy asks to Mme Gibbons if Alaric can use her phone.","BILLY: Hey, miss Gibbons, this guy wants to use your phone.","MLLE GIBBONS: Oh, sure, honey. It's right there.","ALARIC: Thanks.","(Alaric will take of the telephone but Billy follows it with a knife. Alaric is turned over quickly and planted the knife in the belly of Billy)","BILLY: Aah!","(Alaric opens the tap and lights the mixer so that nobody notices something)","MLLE GIBBONS: What's happening?","ALARIC: I'm really sorry. But you're gonna need to invite a friend of mine inside.","(Alaric opens the door to let Damon to enter)","MLLE GIBBONS: Oh, I'm sorry. He's not allowed in the house.","ALARIC: I know that. But you gotta make an exception.","DAMON: Get her out of the house. Now! Miss Gibbons, tell me the truth. Are you married?","MLLE GIBBONS: No.","DAMON: Parents, children, anyone else who lives on this property?","MLLE GIBBONS: No. It's just me.","DAMON: Good.","ALARIC: You were supposed to compel her.","DAMON: It doesn't work that way...","ALARIC: She is human.","DAMON: And I'm not! So, I don't care. Now, get out of here. And get rid of the body!","DAMON'S CAR","Elena waits in the car. it finds a vervain syringe in a bag.","MYSTIC GRILL","Pearl discusses with the mayor.","PEARL: I'm in the process of obtaining some property. I understand that your family is the largest property owner in town.","RICHARD: Well, yes we are. Dating all the way back to the town's original charter.","PEARL: Your family came into a lot of new property in 1864.","RICHARD: You know your history.","PEARL: It's a passion of mine. Tyler talks with Matt.","TYLER: Guy's not even subtle about it.","MATT: Who is that?","TYLER: It's not my mother. Jeremy sees Anna playing darts, he will join her but Anna does not want. Her mother sees that Jeremy wanted to approach.","PEARL: I'm sorry, Mayor. Do you know that boy over there?","RICHARD: Yeah it's Jeremy Gilbert.","PEARL: You don't say.","MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE","Frederick realizes that Billy did not return. he sends another sees where he is.","FREDERICK: Billy, what's the holdup?!","(The man enters the kitchen and Damon gives him a blow on the head)","JACOB: Aah!","DAMON' CAR","Alaric turns over to the car and discovers that Elena is not there any more. It sets out again with the bag filled with weapons.","ALARIC: Damn it, Elena!","MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE","Elena is in front of the main door. She wants to pass but she hears Frederick.","FREDERICK: Billy, Jacob, get back in here! Then, she goes towards the driving staircase to the cellar. She goes down, opens a grid. She sees a vampire which keeps the cellar. Damon arrives of another staircase and injects vervain with the vampire. Damon sees her.","DAMON: Are you insane?","DRILL","Caroline leaves her car to try to have network in order to call somebody. While going in the sheets too close to the river, she stumbles. While wanting to be raised, she discovers a death in decomposition.","CAROLINE: Aah! Aah!","MYSTIC GRILL","Pearl talks with her daughter.","PEARL: Jeremy Gilbert? Is that what you've been up to?","ANNA: He's my friend. What's the big deal?","PEARL: His family is the reason I was stuck in a tomb for over a century.","ANNA: That doesn't mean he'll make the same choices.","PEARL: I want you to stop seeing him.","ANNA: I've been on my own for a long time, mother. I can make my own decisions.","PEARL: Then stop acting like a child! As soon as Jeremy finds out what you really are, he will turn on...","ANNA: He already knows.","PEARL: What did you just say?","ANNA: Jeremy knows.","ANNA: He likes it. And he likes me.","(Pearl gives her a slap)","MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE","Stefan and Trevor are locked up in the cellar. They discuss.","STEFAN: Uhh. Thank you. For trying to help me.","TREVOR: They just needed somebody to blame. Someone to punish.","(Elena ans Damon enter in the cellar)","STEFAN: Elena...You shouldn't be here...","DAMON: She was supposed to stay in the car.","STEFAN: Unh! No. No. No. Not him.","DAMON: Whatever. Let's get you down.","STEFAN: There's vervain on the ropes.","DAMON: Elena, pull that.","STEFAN: Unh!","DAMON: All right, let's go. Clothes on.","STEFAN: Wait.","DAMON: What? Guys, come on. We have to get out of here.","STEFAN: Uhh!","DAMON: Come on, we gotta go.","STEFAN: The other one.","TREVOR: Uhh!","DAMON: Can you get him in the car?","ELENA: Yeah.","DAMON: All right, go.","ELENA: What about you?","DAMON: You rescue, I'll distract. Go.","Frederick suspects that it does without something abnormal.","FREDERICK: Turn that down. It's too quiet. Spread out. Now. You two, back of the house. Go. Check out both rooms. Cellar, now.","IN WOOD","Elena takes along Stefan to the car.","STEFAN: Uhh.","ELENA: Can you make it?","STEFAN: Uhh! Unh.","(They fall down)","STEFAN: Ohh. You ok?","ELENA: Yeah. Come on, we gotta keep going. Come on.","STEFAN: Ugh.","MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE","Damon is thrown on Frederick by surprise.","FREDERICK: Aah! Ugh!","DAMON: Aah! Aah!","(Damon and Frederick fight but vampires come in reinforcement to help Frederick. Damon is able to be released and Alaric plants a pile in the heart of the vampires)","ALARIC: I'm going after Frederick!","IN WOOD","Elena and Stefan arrived in front of the car.","ELENA: Come on, it's right over here.","(Elena wants to start but the key is not any more on the contact)","ELENA: Stefan...","(Frederick takes Stefan by surprise)","FREDERICK: Aah!","STEFAN: Ugh! Uhh...","FREDERICK: This is for Bethanne.","STEFAN: Aah!","FREDERICK: And this is for the tomb.","ELENA: No!","(Elena plants the syringe in the back to him)","FREDERICK: Ugh! Unh!","ELENA: Stefan...","STEFAN: Unh. Uhh.","ELENA: Stefan...Stefan... No, Stefan. Stefan, Stefan. Stefan! Stefan!","MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE","Damon did not find Frederick in the house.","DAMON: Frederick is gone.","ALARIC: Let's get out of here.","DAMON: I'm gonna kill him.","(Damon and Alaric leave, they see an army of vampires approaching them)","DAMON: How many of those vervain darts you have left?","ALARIC: One.","DAMON: Not gonna be enough.","DOVONAN'S HOUSE","Matt's mother prepares diner.","MATT: Hey, mom. What's going on?","MATT'S MOTHER: What's it look like?","MATT: Honestly, I wouldn't know. I've never seen it before.","MATT'S MOTHER: Well, sit down. You might wanna order pizza. I'm out of practice.","MATT: Mmm. Mystery casserole. Yum.","MATT'S MOTHER: Yeah. Some people aren't meant for the kitchen.","MATT: What?","MATT'S MOTHER: Uh, I know it's been rough. But I'm gonna try. I mean, really try this time. You just have to bear with me, ok?","MATT: Ok.","MATT'S MOTHER: Ok. Good.","MATT: You know I got it.","MATT'S MOTHER: That bad, huh?","(Somebody sounds with the door, Matt will open. It is Caroline with her mother)","MATT: What happened to you?","SHERIF: Hey, Matt.","MATT: Hey. What's going on?","SHERIF: Is your mom home?","MYSTIC GRILL","Richard is informed of the news.","M. LOOKWOOD: Alright, give me 10 minutes. And keep it out of the news till I get there. Grab your stuff. We gotta go.","TYLER: Kinda got half a burger left.","M. LOOKWOOD: They found Vicki Donovan.","TYLER: Are you serious? Where was she?","M. LOOKWOOD: Storm unearthed the grave off county road. They just brought her body down to the morgue.","JEREMY: Wait. She's dead?","M. LOOKWOOD: Come on, we gotta go.","IN WOOD","Elena tries to help Stefan.","ELENA: Stefan, please. Stefan! Oh, Stefan, please get up. Get up, Stefan. Stefan. Here.","STEFAN: Elena, please run.","ELENA: No.","STEFAN: Please.","ELENA: Stefan. My wrist. Here. Take my wrist. You need more blood.","STEFAN: Go, Elena. Run. Run...","ELENA: No.","STEFAN: I trust you.","MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE","Pearl and Anna come home.","ALARIC: So, what you said to get me to do this, about my wife. It was a lie, wasn't it?","DAMON: Yep.","PEARL: Stop. What's going on here? What did you do?","DAMON: Me? Your merry little band of vampires spent the day torturing my brother.","PEARL: Trust me. The parties responsible for this will be dealt with.","DAMON: Our little arrangement doesn't work unless you learn to control them","PEARL: This wasn't supposed to happen.","DAMON: Well, it did. If I had a good side...Not a way to get on it.","IN WOOD","Frederick wants to kill Stefan but this one is able to be raised and to push him against a tree in order to complete him with a piece of branch.","STEFAN: Argh! Ahh! Aah! Aah! ELENA:Stefan!","STEFAN: Argh!","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Stefan talks with Elena.","ELENA: How are you doing?","STEFAN: I'm ok. The wounds have mostly healed.","ELENA: Good.","STEFAN: Elena...","ELENA: Yeah?","STEFAN: What you did today, coming to help me...You could have been killed.","ELENA: I know.","STEFAN: And what I did, I'm sorry that...I'm sorry that you had to see it.","ELENA: I've just never...You were like this other person. And it's my fault. I made you...","STEFAN: What, no. no. no. You didn't make me do anything. You were saving my life. And I was saving yours. Everything's gonna be ok.","(Elena's phone rings, Elena answers)","ELENA(at phone): Hey, Jer...What--what's going on? Oh, no.","DOVONAN'S HOUSE","Everyone is there, Caroline brings coffee to Matt.","CAROLINE: I made you some coffee.","MATT: Thanks.","CAROLINE: Are you is there anything I can do?","MATT: I just, uh...I need to be alone right now.","(Elena is here, she intertwines Matt)","ELENA: Matt...","MYSTIC GRILL","Damon join Alaric with the bar.","DAMON: That was fun. Oh, don't look at me like that. I know you hate me. Guess what? Everyone hates me. But you can't deny it. We were bad-ass.","(Alaric gives him a punch)","DAMON: Uhh. Happens.","GILBERT'S HOUSE","Elena and Jeremy return at home.","ELENA: Jer... Are you ok?","JEREMY: I'm gonna go get some sleep. Jeremy goes up in its room, Anna is there.","ANNA: What are you doing?","JEREMY: My...my friend Vicki... She's...She's dead.","ANNA: Vicki? The one you thought was a...","JEREMY: Yep. Turns out she's been dead all along.","ANNA: She's the reason you wanted to turn? You wanted to be with her?","JEREMY: Look, I'm sorry.","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Damon enters a part and sees perfusion of blood with their pipes emptied. Then one sees Stefan sitting by ground drinking one of them. End of the episode."],"Show Title":"The Vampire Diaries","Episode Number":"01x17","Episode Title":"Let the right one in","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Vampire_Diaries_01x20.json","Recap":["As Stefan tries to come to terms with his past, he and Damon reveal pieces of their history to Elena, including the truth about how they were turned into vampires. Stefan recalls that in 1864 when Katherine was taken away they tried to save her but were shot by their father. They both then woke up in transition by a lake with Bonnie's ancestor explaining that Katherine had been compelling Stefan to drink her blood and Damon had been voluntarily drinking her blood. Stefan then went to his home to explain to his father that he wasn't going to complete the transition but his father wouldn't listen. His father tried staking him but accidentally staked himself. Stefan tried to help his father but was overcome by the amount of blood and fed off of him, thereby completing the transition. Damon reveals that Stefan tried to convince him to complete the transition by telling him good he felt and how he could turn off his emotions, and when that failed he compelled a woman to come with him, bit her, and held her bleeding neck near his face until he gave in and fed. Pearl and John Gilbert have an ugly confrontation. Meanwhile, Damon and Alaric attempt to track down a mysterious invention before John can find it. Jeremy and Anna's relationship continues to grow as Anna enrolls at Jeremy's high school just so they could spend time together, and Jeremy attempts to learn as much as possible from her. In the end, John Gilbert kills Pearl by staking her and Anna discovers her body. When Elena releases him, Stefan goes blood crazy and wants to die but Elena manages to talk him out of it. They return to the house and Stefan seems to be cured of the blood-craze, but Damon doesn't seem happy about it."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","STEFAN: For over a century, I have lived in secret. Until now. I know the risk. But I have to know her.","DAMON: Elena, she's a dead ringer for Katherine.","STEFAN: I want you all to myself.","KATHERINE: Just as he wants me, but I'm the one. Who gets to make all the rules.","GIUSEPPE: Go get the sheriff. We have a vampire.","STEFAN: No. Don't take her!","GIUSEPPE: You'll be killed along with them.","DAMON: Then let me be killed.","STEFAN: Damn it. We'll get her back.","DAMON: Don't you think that you've done enough?","DAMON: Stefan's still drinking human blood.","GIRL: Aah!","ELENA: Stefan!","DAMON: Stefan.","STEFAN: Blood brings out what's inside of me.","ELENA: I'm not gonna give up on you, Stefan. I believe in you.","STEFAN: Stop! Stop! Stop! I'm so sorry.","ELENA: It's ok. You're gonna be ok.","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Stefan, locked up at the cellar, laid down covered of sweats due to the lack, dreaming.","FLASH-BACK, WOODS IN 1864","Men seek vampires, Jonathan Gilbert at the head with his watch.","STEFAN: (to Damon)We have to get to the church. They're waiting. Circle around that way. I'll distract them. Go. (to men)Over here! There's another one! Quick! Help me!","JONATHAN: Arm yourselves. The barouche remains under the guard of only one man. When, Damon, suddenly, strikes him. Then, he steals the keys of the cage and opens when Stefan joined him.","STEFAN: We don't have long.","DAMON: Katherine. Katherine.","STEFAN: We're gonna get you out of here. Damon, hurry. Hurry.","(Damon is made drawn top)","DAMON: Aah!","STEFAN: No! No. Damon. Oh...","MEN: Come on. Let's go.","STEFAN: Uhh!","(Stefan is also made drawn top)","SALVATORE'S HOUSE\/WOODS IN 1864","Stefan confuses reality with his memories.","DAMON: Stefan.","ELENA: Stefan.","KATHERINE\/ELENA: I love you, Stefan.","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Elena looks at Stefan locked up in the cellar. Damon joined her.","ELENA: It's so hard to see him locked up like this.","DAMON: You're the one who locked him up.","ELENA: You helped.","DAMON: I couldn't have him running around chewing on people. While the town was looking for vampires, now, could I?","ELENA: It had nothing to do with you actually caring about him.","DAMON: Your thing, not mine.","FLASH-BACK, QUARRY IN 1864","Stefan awakes in start, it is always in life and any more a scar with he does not have received the ball. He sees that he has a special ring with the finger. Emilie comes towards him.","EMILIE: Katherine had me make that for you weeks ago.","STEFAN: Where am I?","EMILIE: The quarry just north of town. My brother and I brought you here last night. We found you dead in the woods.","STEFAN: Where's Damon? Am I... Am I a...","EMILIE: Not yet. You're in transition.","STEFAN: But how? I...","EMILIE: You had Katherine's blood in your system when you died.","STEFAN: No. I never...","EMILIE: She's been compelling you to drink it for weeks, Stefan.","STEFAN: And Damon?","EMILIE: No compulsion was necessary. He drank from her willingly. Stefan joined Damon close to the river.","DAMON: I woke up last night. I didn't know where I was. I went to the church. And I watched them drag her inside. Then they set fire to it. And the whole church went up into flames. They killed her, Stefan. She's gone.","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Damon looks at the object which Pearl gave him, Elena enters the living room.","ELENA: Did you ever figure out what that is?","DAMON: Nope. Whatever it is, it doesn't work.","ELENA: Pearl didn't say anything else about it?","DAMON: She thought she was stealing his vampire compass, but it was a pocket watch. That Johnathan Gilbert was a crazy scientist. Have you spoken to your uncle lately?","ELENA: I've been avoiding him, actually. That, and I've been here most nights.","DAMON: So, you'll be here again tonight?","ELENA: Is that a problem?","DAMON: Yes. You're a complete nuisance.","ELENA: Heh. See you later.","HIGH SCHOOL","Jeremy goes to go in class, Anna joined him.","ANNA: Hey. Surprise.","JEREMY: What are you doing here?","ANNA: Picking up this.","JEREMY: A class schedule?","ANNA: Starting tomorrow, I'm officially a student here.","JEREMY: You're kidding me, right?","ANNA: No. I finally beat my mom down.","JEREMY: Heh. But why would you want to go to high school? It blows.","ANNA: Do I really need to answer that?","JEREMY: You'd suffer through all this just to hang out with me?","ANNA: Yeah. I would.","JEREMY: That's, um...","ANNA: Stupid? Pathetic? Old lurky me?","JEREMY: It's awesome. It's awesome.","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Damon looks at Stefan locked up and a bottle of blood shows him.","DAMON: Brought you something to eat...100% Stefan diet approved. You know what will happen if you don't eat. You'll get all rotting and crusty.","STEFAN: I'm not hungry.","DAMON: Of course you are. We're eternally hungry. Take it. The human blood should be gone by now. You want to explain why you're still in here. Feeling sorry for yourself? Come on. Drink up. Fine. Starve. What do I care? Damon turns over in the living room and somebody calls him.","DAMON(at phone): Hello?","ALARIC(at phone): Hey, it's Alaric Saltzman.","DAMON(at phone): Before I hang up, how did you get this number?","ALARIC(at phone): Ah, it's a mystery. Listen, I've, uh, been doing some digging on Elena's uncle. You interested?","DAMON(at phone): What kind of digging?","ALARIC(at phone): I've got an old friend from Duke. Who studied criminology when we were there together. Let's just say he's become a very proficient digger.","DAMON(at phone): Well, did he find anything, by chance?","ALARIC(at phone): Well, I had him run a track on John's cell records. He was getting a call from a number... The same number that Elena dialed to get Isobel. And then the number was disconnected. Isobel knows John.","DAMON(at phone): Whatever. We knew that.","ALARIC(at phone): Right. Well, after that, he started getting calls from a new number. And I had my friend run a geotrack. Got the address. It's...It's an apartment in Grove Hill.","DAMON(at phone): Isobel's in Grove Hill?","ALARIC(at phone): I don't know. I thought we could take a look and see what we find.","DAMON(at phone): Perfect. Give me the address.","ALARIC(at phone): Oh, so you can go without me? No. I don't think so.","DAOMN(at phone): I'm not going with you. You tried to kill me.","ALARIC(at phone): Yeah, well, you did kill me.","DAMON(at phone): Hold on.","(Damon receive an other call)","DAMON(at phone): What?","ELENA(at phone): I'm just grabbing some clothes, and then I'll be right over. How's Stefan?","DAMON(at phone): Extra broody. Hold on. (to Alaric)You drive. Pick me up in an hour.","ALARIC(at phone): Done.","DAMON(at phone): He won't eat anything.","ELENA(at phone): He has to ea what's his favorite... Kind of, um...","DAMON(at phone): His favorite kind of what?","ELENA(at phone): Type of animal blood that he prefers?","DAMON(at phone): Ew. Gross.","ELENA(at phone): Heh. Your joking doesn't help.","DAMON(at phone): Helps me. Now, hurry up. I can't baby-sit all night. I have things to do.","ELENA(at phone): I would say, \"drop dead,\" but...","DAMON(at phone): Ha ha. Stefan likes... Puppy blood... Little golden retriever puppies with cute, fluffy ears. That's his favorite.","GILBERT'S HOUSE","Elena leaves its room, it sees her uncle. He heard her conversation with Damon.","JOHN: Sorry.","ELENA: Uncle John. I didn't see you there.","JOHN: I thought we could talk. We haven't had a chance to catch up.","ELENA: I'm actually just heading out, so...","JOHN: Well, it won't take long.","ELENA: What did you want to talk about?","JOHN: Well...I know you know.","ELENA: Know what?","JOHN: It's really silly to keep pretending. What do you think your mother would say. If she knew you were dating a vampire?","ELENA: Which mother?","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Stefan, sitting, meditates vis-a-vis its bottle.","FLASH-BACK, QUARRY","Damon sat at the edge of water whereas Stefan brings back a water bucket.","STEFAN: I bet Johnathan Gilbert has told father by now. Wonder how he took the news that we're dead.","DAMON: As if he cares. He betrayed us.","STEFAN: He thought he was protecting us, Damon. He thought he was protecting this town.","DAMON: God. This sun hurts my eyes.","STEFAN: It's part of it. The muscle aches, the sick feeling...Emily says it's our bods pushing us to feed, to complete the transition.","DAMON: That's not gonna happen.","STEFAN: Is that your choice, then? To die instead?","DAMON: Isn't it yours? This was all to be with Katherine. But she's gone. I want it over.","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Elena is coming to see Stefan.","ELENA: How you feelin'? Damon says you need to drink that. You need it, Stefan. Can't survive without it.","STEFAN: I don't want to survive.","ELENA: What? No, don't say that.","STEFAN: I'm sorry, Elena. No more. After what I've done, it has to end. I just want it over. Elena joins Damon in the living-room.","DAMON: He's just being dramatic. He's not gonna starve himself.","ELENA: Why would he say that?","DAMON: He feels bad about hurting that girl. It's a very typical step of martyr stuff. It will pass.","ELENA: Will it? Because he seemed to be in lot of pain.","DAMON: Yeah. Well, that will pass, too, once he eats.","ELENA: I didn't mean physical pain.","DAMON: I know what you meant. Look, are you gonna be ok here if run out? I have to go to an errand with the teacher.","ELENA: The teacher? Alaric? Are you two friends now?","DAMON: I don't have any friends, Elena.","ELENA: Right.","DAMON: You should, um, you should stay up here. You shouldn't be down there by yourself.","ELENA: I'll be fine.","DAMON: You know... You're very trusting of him, given the circumstances.","ELENA: So are you. Otherwise, you wouldn't be leaving.","DAMON: I won't be long.","MYSTIC GRILL","Pearl joins John in the table.","PEARL: Hello, Mr. Gilbert.","JOHN: Pearl. What a pleasure. I must admit, I'm surprised that you came.","PEARL: Jenna tells me that you wanted to discuss the sale of the building in person.","JOHN: Still, revealing yourself to me like this, it took quite a risk.","PEARL: I'm not stupid, Mr. Gilbert. You knew who I was when you requested the meeting. So, Damon tells me that you're looking for the device I took from Johnathan. I'm sure you realize I have no intention of giving it to you.","JOHN: That's why I wanted to meet you. I'm planning on changing your mind.","PEARL: Really? How so?","JOHN: With my Gilbert charm. I know that you have a weakness for it. May I buy you a drink?","GILBERT'S HOUSE","Jeremy and Anna talk in his bedroom.","JEREMY: So, your mother was in love with Johnathan Gilbert, and he betrayed her?","ANNA: Yup.","JEREMY: And now my uncle John wants this invention-device thing that she gave to Damon.","ANNA: That's pretty much it.","JEREMY: John mentioned there were more Gilbert journals. I bet that's how he knows everything.","ANNA: Do we have to talk about ts all night? I've told you everything. I probably shouldn't have, 'cause that could get us both in a lot of trouble.","JEREMY: I'm not gonna say anything.","ANNA: Your uncle John wants us dead.","JEREMY: Oh, you don't know that.","ANNA: Yes, I do. He's a hater, Jeremy.","JEREMY: Well, I'm not.","ANNA: No. You're something else entirely.","JEREMY: Oh, yeah? What would that be?","ANNA: My weakness.","JEREMY: I don't want Jenna to walk in on us.","ANNA: Jenna's in the kitchen. She just opened the refrigerator.","JEREMY: Wait. You can hear that? That is so cool.","HOUSE IN GROVE HILL","Damon and Alaric are inside of the house.","ALARIC: This is the one here. The records show is was paid 3 months in advance.","DAMON: This is where it gets tricky. I may or may not be able to get in.","ALARIC: Yeah, how does that work? You always have to be invited in?","DAMON: By the owner or the person of entitlement. Short-term rentals and hotels are a bit of a gray area. You kind of gotta play it by ear.","ALARIC: Heh. Could we not kill anyone tonight, please?","DAMON: You mean, you just brought me along for my company?","ALARIC: It doesn't look like anyone's home. Yeah. I'm good. No permanent resident, apparently.","DAMON: Uh, Rick, we have company.","(A man jumps on Alaric. Damon tries to retain him)","DAMON: Boys, boys, that's enough. I know you.","HENRY: Damon?","DAMON: Your name is Henry. You were in the tomb.","HENRY: Yes, sir. What are you doing here?","FLASH-BACK, SALVATORE'S HOUSE IN 1864","Jonathan and Giuseppe talk to the situation.","GIUSEPPE: May I offer you a drink, Mr. Gilbert?","JONATHAN: Thank you, Mr. Salvatore.","GIUSEPPE: This won't take much longer.","JONATHAN: I want to make sure the founder's archives are accurate.","GIUSEPPE: Be sure you document the loss of civilian life in the church.","JONATHAN: They were hardly civilians, . Salvatore.","GIUSEPPE: As far as anyone needs to know, they were. As the record keeper for the council, what you write will be passed down through generations. Certain details should be kept only between you and me.","JONATHAN: For example?","GIUSEPPE: My sons. They will be remembered the innocent victims of the battle of willow creek, not for their shame.","JONATHAN: Certainly, Mr. Salvatore.","SALVATORE HOUSE","Elena is inside of the cellar where is Stefan.","STEFAN: You know, Damon hasn't fed me vervain in a while. I could be at those bars in flash, and you'd be dead.","ELENA: Yeah, you could. But you won't.","STEFAN: Please just go away. I don't want you here.","(Elena enters in the cellar)","STEFAN: What are you doing? Get out of here.","ELENA: No.","STEFAN: You're taking a stupid risk. I could hurt you.","ELENA: Then I'm stupid. You need to drink this.","STEFAN: Elena, get out of here, or you'll regret it.","ELENA: Drink.","STEFAN: I said get out!","ELENA: No.","HOUSE IN GROVE HILL","Damon and Alaric talk with Henry.","HENRY: So, how do you know John Gilbert?","DAMON: Well, I've known him for years. He's a good friend. How do you know him?","HENRY: I met him right after I got out of the tomb. He's been helping me out.","ALARIC: Helping you out how?","HENRY: Adapting. It's a whole new world... Cars, computers, match.com. There's so much to learn. He helped me get this place.","ALARIC: So, do you live here alone or is there someone else here?","DAMON: That's my friend's very...Passive-aggressive way of asking, uh, do you know a woman named Isobel?","HENRY: Uh, no. No, I don't know an Isobel. I know John. He's my only real friend. He really showed me the ropes... how to use a microwave, separate my whites.","ALARIC: What else do you do for him?","HENRY: I help keep an eye on things...You know, with the others.","DAMON: The others?","HENRY: From the tomb. They're still pissed at the founding families for trying to burn them alive. I'm cool, but those tomb boys, they want revenge.","ALARIC: What does John want with them?","HENRY: He's just keeping an eye on them, you know? Trying to make sure they stay out of trouble.","DAMON: Well, that's John. Heh. He's such a do-gooder.","(Henry receive an call)","HENRY: Heh. That's John now.","DAMON: Oh. Hey, let me talk to him. All right.","HENRY: Yeah. Are you gonna answer that?","DAMON: Am I gonna... answer that?","HENRY: What's going on?","(Henry wants to run away himself and tries to kill Alaric, but Damon retains him and Alaric kills him)","HENRY: Uhh! Uhh! Aah!","DAMON: \"Let's not not kill anyone tonight.\" Your words. Just pointing that out.","MYSTIC GRILL","John returns at the table.","JOHN: My apologies.","PEARL: No apologies necessary. So, tell me, Mr. Gilbert, why should I let you have the device?","JOHN: Because I can help you. I'm connected around here. The town council's eating out of my land. They do whatever I say. And I know that you just want to live your life. Complete with a white picket fence, and I can help you do that.","PEARL: But the device doesn't work. Why would you even want it?","JOHN: It's a family heirloom. Call me sentimental.","PEARL: Johnathan was ahead of his time.","JOHN: I read his journals. They're very extensive. He actually wrote about you. You were his one regret. He loved you, and he hated himself for what he did to you.","PEARL: You're lying.","JOHN: No. On his last days, he wrote how sorry he was. You were the only woman he ever loved. Good God. You vampires... you're so emotional. Johnathan Gilbert hated you. His only regret was that he didn't drive a stake through your heart himself.","PEARL: I gave it to Damon.","JOHN: What?","PEARL: I gave your device to Damon. Why don't you ask him for it yourself? I'm sure he'd be delighted to give it to you. And then, Mr. Gilbert, may you rot in hell.","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Elena is in the cellar with Stefan but he doesn't want to talk.","ELENA: Talk to me, Stefan. Why are you doing this?","STEFAN: I'm making the decision I should have made years ago.","ELENA: What are you talking about?","STEFAN: You have to feed in order to complete the transition.","ELENA: I know that.","STEFAN: It was a choice I shouldn't have made.","FLASH-BACK, SALVATORE'S HOUSE IN 1864","Stefan enters in the office of his father.","GIUSEPPE: Dear God.","STEFAN: Even in our death, you only feel shame?","GIUSEPPE: You're one of them now.","STEFAN: No. Father, I came to say good-bye.","GIUSEPPE: I watched you die.","STEFAN: You were there when we were shot?","GIUSEPPE: I pulled the trigger myself.","STEFAN: You killed your own sons?","GIUSEPPE: You were both dead to me the moment you sided with the vampires. I only thank God that your mother isn't alive to see the disgrace you've become.","STEFAN: I haven't turned yet. I don't want to. I'm going to let myself die, father. Please.","GIUSEPPE: Yes, you are.","(Giuseppe wants to kill his son by inserting a pile in the heart to him. Stefan defends and sends his father to the other end the part and he receives the pile in full heart)","GIUSEPPE: Uhh!","STEFAN: Father, I didn't mean to.","GIUSEPPE: Get away from me.","STEFAN: No, let me help you. Please.","(Stefan removes the pile in the heart. He is attracted by blood and tastes some a little. He starts to change)","GIUSEPPE: Ohh. Ohh.","STEFAN: Uhh. Uhh! Oh, God. What's happening to me?","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Stefan decides to talk with Elena.","STEFAN: How can you even look at me right now?","ELENA: You need to be able talk about these things, Stefan. I need to hear them. Come upstairs. We can talk about it more, and we'll keep talking as long as you need.","STEFAN: You're so sure I'm ready. And when you feel the same way... I'll be upstairs.","[SCENE_BREAK]","HOUSE IN GROVE HILL","Damon empties the hematomas.","DAMON: Find anything yet?","ALARIC: No, I looked everywhere. The place is...The place is clean.","DAMON: Well, I found this. Behind the blood in the fridge.","ALARIC: Oh, man, this was a real dead-end.","DAMON: I wouldn't beat myself up over it, man. What did you think you were gonna find, huh? Isobel with a cigar and slippers?","ALARIC: Oh, man. I...I gotta stop this. I can't...I can't keep searching for her.","DAMON: Really? After only 2 years? That's actually...Moderately healthy.","ALARIC: What are you going on? 146?","DAMON: Well, I figure the 200 mark is probably a good stopping point.","ALARIC: Ahh. I mean, no answer is enough. I keep thinking I wanna kn why, when, you know, the precise moment. When my wife decided life with me wasn't enough.","DAMON: She charmed me, your wife Isobel. She talked a good game, man. She was smart. She had this excitement in her eyes. I probably should have known there was something different about her, some tie to Katherine. There had to be some reason I didn't kill her.","ALARIC: That's enough, Damon. I don't wanna hear anymore. I just don't want to waste any more of my life. Searching for answers that I really don't want. I'm through with Isobel. I...I'm done with all of this. Yeah.","PEARL'S HOUSE","Anna enters and notes that her mother made the luggage.","ANNA: Hey. What's the matter?","PEARL: I need you to pack your things. We're leaving.","ANNA: What? No.","PEARL: I was wrong to think that we could make a home here. It's time for us to move on.","ANNA: But I don't want to move on. I want to stay.","PEARL: We can't stay. There's too many people here who know the truth... Too much history.","ANNA: So, what, you're just gonna give up, pack us up, and move us out?","PEARL: It's not safe here. You know that.","ANNA: Please.","PEARL: This is about Jeremy.","ANNA: No. It's about me. Finally getting to build a life for myself. Please, mama.","PEARL: You gave me my life back. I am just trying to protect yours. I can't force you. It's your decision.","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Elena draws in the catch, Damon enters in the living-room.","DAMON: Ugh. God. You're still here?","ELENA: Were you expecting anything else?","DAMON: No. Ahh.","ELENA: So, how was the \"errand\"?","DAMON: Futile. Although, I think I witnessed the teacher having an existential crisis. Has Stefan eaten yet?","ELENA: I thought you didn't care.","DAMON: Chalk it up to morbid curiosity.","ELENA: I think he's getting there. But he's got a lot of guilt that he has to deal with. And it doesn't help that you've spent the last 145 years punishing him for Katherine getting caught.","DAMON: This is my fault now?","ELENA: No, it's no one's fault, Damon. I'm just... saying you're not exactly innocent. You've made it your life's mission to make him miserable.","DAMON: Let me ask you a question. In all this important soul-searching and cleansing of the demons of Stefan's past, did you ever manage to get e rest of the story?","ELENA: He said there was more.","DAMON: Yeah. That's an understatement.","ELENA: Damon...Damon. Tell me.","FLASH-BACK, QUARRY IN 1864","Stefan comes back with a beautiful girl.","DAMON: What are you doing? Who is that?","STEFAN: I brought her for you. She's a gift. Have a seat, please.","DAMON: What have you done, Stefan?","STEFAN: Damon, I've been to see father. He came at me. I didn't know my own strength. There was blood everywhere. He was dying, and the blood was too strong. I needed it. I had to have it.","DAMON: You fed.","STEFAN: Yes. And it's incredible. My body is exploding with power, Damon.","DAMON: No.","STEFAN: I can hear things from far away. I can see through the darkness. I can move, like it's magic. And the guilt, the pain...Damon, I can turn it off. Like a switch. Katherine was right. It's a whole another world out there, Damon.","DAMON: Katherine is dead, Stefan. There's no world without her.","STEFAN: No. You can turn that off, too. You don't have to feel that pain anymore.","DAMON: I don't want it.","STEFAN: You're weak. You'll be dead soon. You need this.","DAMON: No.","STEFAN: You'll die.","DAMON: No. I can't.","STEFAN: Please. I won't let you die.","DAMON: No. I can't.","STEFAN: Don't fight it. We can do this... together.","(Damon drinks blood of the girl)","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Damon finishes to tell her.","DAMON: From the moment Stefan had his first taste of human blood, he was a different person. I suppose I should thank him. It's been a hell of a ride. Heh.","ELENA: Oh, my God. He said he wanted to die. That's why he wot feed. Now I understand why, but...","DAMON: His choice. If he's stupid enough to make it, so be it.","ELENA: Don't do that. Ok? Don't pretend like you don't care.","DAMON: Where are you going?","(Elena goes to the cellar, Stefan is not here)","GILBERT'S HOUSE","Jeremy sleeps in his bed, Anna joins him.","JEREMY: Hey.","ANNA: It's getting impossible to sneak up on you.","JEREMY: Nice try, though.","ANNA: Sorry I woke you.","JEREMY: That's ok. You only woke me halfway.","ANNA: So, listen. I...","JEREMY: That feels good.","(She kisses him)","ANNA: Good-bye.","QUARRY","Stefan is coming back in the place where they were.","FLASH-BACK, QUARRY IN 1864","Stefan and Damon are become two new vampires.","STEFAN: How do you feel?","DAMON: You were right. It is a whole new world.","STEFAN: We can explore it together.","DAMON: You got what you wanted...You and me for all eternity. But here it is, brother. I will make it an eternity of misery for you.","STEFAN: Damon! Damon goes away, Emilie comes in.","EMILIE: You've transitioned.","STEFAN: You'd have rather found me dead?","EMILIE: Katherine saved my life once. I owed her. That doesn't mean I'd wish her curse on anyone.","STEFAN: It feels more like a gift.","EMILIE: That will change.","STEFAN: Why is that?","EMILIE: Because even in death, your heart is pure, Stefan. I sense that about you. That will be your curse.","STEFAN: Emily, wait.","QUARRY","Stefan takes again his spirits when Elena calls him.","ELENA: Stefan. Damon told me the rest of the story. I thought I might find you here.","STEFAN: I should have died that night, just like I had chosen. I should have let Damon die, too.","ELENA: But you didn't. And if you die now, it's not gonna change what happened.","STEFAN: Every single person that's been hurt...Every single life that's been lost, it's because of me.","ELENA: The night that my parents died...I blew off family night so that I could go off to some party. I ended up getting stranded, and they had to come pick me up. That's why we ended up in the car at Wickery bridge. And that's why they died. Our actions are what set things in motion. But we have to live with that.","STEFAN: I made a choice, Elena. And because of that choice, a lot of people were hurt.","ELENA: You also made a choice to stop, to reject the person that the blood made you. You made a choice to be good, Stefan.","STEFAN: No. Please don't do that.","ELENA: That's the person who jumped in the water to save the family whose car had driven off the bridge.","STEFAN: Please. Don't make this all ok.","ELENA: That's the person who saved my life.","STEFAN: You don't understand, Elena.","ELENA: Then tell me.","STEFAN: It hurts me. It hurts me, knowing what I've done, and that pain...That pain is with me all the time. And every day, I think that if I just...If just give myself over to the blood, I can make that pain stop. It would be that easy, and every day, I fight that. And I am so terrified that one day, I'm not gonna want to fight that anymore, Elena. And the next time I hurt somebody...It could be you.","ELENA: There will be no next time.","STEFAN: You don't know that.","ELENA: Maybe I don't. But what I do know. Is that you can take this, throw it in the quarry, and let the sun rise. Or you could take this ring and put it on and keep fighting.","(Elena gives to him his ring and she kisses him)","ELENA: It's your choice.","STEFAN: Elena.","(Stefan puts his ring and kisses Elena)","PEARL'S HOUSE","Harper prepared the luggage of Pearl.","PEARL: Thank you, Harper.","HARPER: You're welcome","PEARL: Annabelle should be back in a minute. You know, you don't have to come with us if you don't want to.","HARPER: This was never my home, miss pearl. I was just a soldier who was left to die. You saved me. I'm coming with you.","PEARL: Let me help you with these.","(Pearl opens the main door and receives a pile in the heart)","SALVATORE'S HOUSE","Elena brings back Stefan to the house.","ELENA: I'll be upstairs, OK?","STEFAN: Ok.","ELENA: Good night, Damon.","(Elena goes away)","STEFAN: Thank you.","DAMON: No, Stefan, thank you. You're back on Bambi blood, and I'm the big badass brother again. All is right in the world.","STEFAN: I mean it. Thank you. For... helping her take care of me.","DAMON: You brood too much. Everything on this planet is not your fault. My actions, what I do, it's not your fault. I own them. They belong to me. You are not allowed to feel my guilt.","STEFAN: Do you feel guilt?","DAMON: If I wanted to, it's there. Emily waited till after I turned to tell me she'd been successful in protecting Katherine with her spell. She didn't want me to know about the tomb. She thought it would impact my decision.","STEFAN: She didn't want either one of us to turn. She said it was a curse.","DAMON: Witches...Judgy little things.","STEFAN: Why didn't you tell me?","DAMON: 'Cause I didn't want you to know. 'Cause I hated you, and I still do.","STEFAN: I know.","DAMON: But not because you forced me to turn.","STEFAN: Then why?","DAMON: Because she turned you. It was just supposed to be me, Stefan... Just me.","PEARL'S HOUSE","Anna enters the house and discovers her mother and Harper with a pile in the heart. ANNA I'm back. Oh! Mom! Mama! Uhh! Please don't leave me again. No. Please wake up. You have to wake up. No.","WOODS","John calls everyone.","JOHN(at phone): Sheriff Forbes, John Gilbert. Sorry to call so late. I have an update about the vampires.","MYSTIC GRILL","Alaric, sited with the bar, drinks to drown his disappointment. A woman approaches him.","ISOBEL: Hello, Rick.","ALARIC: Isobel. End of the episode."],"Show Title":"The Vampire Diaries","Episode Number":"01x20","Episode Title":"Blood Brothers","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Vampire_Diaries_01x21.json","Recap":["Isobel returns to town and surprises Alaric with her new cynical and cruel attitude and her demand that he arrange for her to meet Elena; despite her seeming indifference toward him, it appears that she still loves him and that she is not truly happy with her life as a vampire. When Elena and Isobel finally meet, Isobel refuses to answer most of Elena's questions, but states that she is also looking for the mysterious invention that John Gilbert has been seeking. Upon learning that Damon has the device, Isobel orders Elena to obtain the device from Damon and threatens to kill everyone Elena knows if she refuses. It soon becomes apparent that both Isobel and John are working for Katherine. Isobel attempts to intimidate Damon into giving her the device and offers to reveal Katherine's whereabouts in return, but he makes it clear that he will not tolerate her threatening him or the people he cares about, and that he no longer wants anything to do with Katherine. Isobel later kidnaps Jeremy in order to force Elena's hand, and Elena implores Damon to give her the device, which he does. Bonnie offers to remove the spell from the device, which can supposedly kill vampires; it is later revealed that Bonnie only pretended to deactivate the device, due to her vendetta against all vampires. Elena gives the device to Isobel, who reveals that she knew Damon would surrender the device to Elena because he's in love with her. It is revealed that John is Elena's biological father, and that he and Isobel had dated in high school. John plans to use the device to kill all the vampires in Mystic Falls, including Stefan and Damon. Before leaving town, Isobel, who appears to care for Elena after all, expresses her fear that the Salvatore brothers may eventually turn Elena into a vampire - a life that she doesn't want for Elena - and that getting rid of them is the best thing she and John could do for their daughter. Anna appears and tells Jeremy that her mother was killed, and that she knows she should not be there, but she has nowhere else to go. Jeremy hugs her and attempts to comfort her."],"Transcript":["[Mystic Grill]","(Isobel and Alaric are standing at the bar)","Isobel: It's good to see you. You look good. I hear that you're a high school history teacher? How is that?","Alaric: Where have you been, Isobel?","Isobel: I don't have any reasons that are gonna comfort you. I don't have any explanations that are gonna satisfy you. I wanted this","Alaric: It's that simple?","Isobel: Yeah. You were supposed to mourn me, and move on","Alaric: You were my wife, and I loved you. How could I not search for you?","Isobel: Because I wasn't lost, Ric","(She takes a paper and writes something)","Isobel: I understand that you know my daughter Elena and I hear that she's been looking for me. So...","(She gives the paper to Alaric)","Isobel: I want you to arrange for a meeting with us","(Alaric looks at the paper)","Alaric: You want me to deliver a message?","Isobel (she smiles): yeah","(Alaric throws the paper)","Alaric: Screw you. You selfish bitch!","(He gets up and leaves)","[Mystic Grill's parking lot]","(Alaric is going to his car. Isobel arrives behind him)","Alaric: What do you want from me?","Isobel: I told you","Alaric: I'm not gonna do anything for you","(She strangles him and pushes him against his car)","Isobel: You better tell Elena that I want to meet or I'm gonna start killing the citizens of this town one by one and I'm gonna start with your history students. Got it?","(She throws him on the floor and gives him the paper. He gets up and looks at the paper)","[Gilbert's house]","(Elena is on the phone with Damon)","Elena: I'm supposed to help build the Miss Mystic falls float for the founder's day parade. If I don't I get the rad with Caroline but I wanted to check in first","Damon: I'm doing great, thanks for asking","Elena: Checking on Stefan","Damon: Oh him? He's terrible","Elena: What's the matter?","Damon: He's just back to boring, straight-laced, off the junk. You've successfully cured him of anything that was interesting about his personality","Elena: Don't forget who helped me","Damon: I hate myself. Did uncle john mention anything about my field trip with the history teacher?","Elena: No. I'm still avoiding him. Why? What's he up to?","Damon: I don't know. But I'd love if you could find out for me","Elena: I've got to go I'm late","Damon: Have fun with the mystic queen, I know I did","(Elena hangs up)","[Salvatore's house]","(Damon hangs up. He gets up and gives the phone to Stefan)","Damon: Elena called","(He smiles and leaves the room. Stefan looks at him and then at his phone)","[Mystic Falls High School]","(At the Cafeteria, Alaric is giving papers to students)","Alaric: So these are the expects from the history department. For the founder's day float we'll be recreating the battle of willow creek. Tyler has been nominated at the head of the production design","Tyler: By whom?","Alaric: By me. I've seen your sketches and they're good","Tyler: I'm not really into the...","Alaric: Well, you just pick your team, be creative and... (He sees Elena and Stefan) don't screw up","(Alaric is going towards Elena and Stefan)","Tyler: Great! (To Matt): You want to help me out with this?","Matt: Not really no","Elena: Hey mister Saltzman","Alaric: Come with me. We need to talk","(Stefan and Elena are going with him and look at each other)","Bonnie: Alright show me","Caroline: Let's reference last year Miss Mystic float","(She writes on her computer)","Caroline: This is what they did last year (She turns her computer and sow a picture to Bonnie) and this is exactly what we don't want to do","Bonnie: So, what are we doing?","Caroline: Southern classic elegance","Bonnie: Gone with the Wind?","Caroline: How'd you know?","Bonnie: You channel Scarlett, daily","Caroline: So true!","(They laugh. Caroline is looking around)","Caroline: Where's Elena? She's supposed to be helping","Bonnie: I don't know","Caroline: Okay, what's the deal?","Bonnie: What do you mean?","Caroline: Don't play dumb. You and Elena are fighting. Spill!","Bonnie: It's nothing","Caroline: It's not nothing. You know this whole float is supposed to be about friends creating something together and everyone is fighting. Matt and Tyler hate each other, you and Elena are on the out and I don't like it! And I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong","Bonnie: I can't talk about it. Caroline I'm sorry","(They look at each other)","[Alaric's class room]","(Damon enters)","Alaric: Damon, thanks for coming","Damon: Sorry I'm late. My dog ate my uh... never mind.","(He looks at Stefan and Elena)","Damon: What are all the frown brows?","Alaric: I saw Isobel last night","Damon: Isobel is here? In town?","(He turns to Elena and looks at her)","[Isobel's house]","(John parks his car and enters in the house. He's going into a room. A men and a women are dancing. Isobel is watching them)","Isobel: You're late","John: I didn't realize there was a schedule. What's with the side show?","Isobel: Cherie is a little jazz singer that I picked up in a blues bar in Brooklyn. And I got the cow boy in a gay rodeo in Amarillo","John: He's gay?","Isobel: Not right now, he's really good to me (To the men and the women) Hey Cherie? Cassez vous!","(They leave)","Isobel: I'm teaching them French. Oh! I can smell the judgment coming out of you","John: Well, they're people Isobel and you're treating them like dolls","Isobel: If we're gonna be partners you really have to stop being such a hater","John: We're in a partnership together because we share a mutual goal. Don't ever confuse that for an acceptance of your lifestyle","Isobel: My lifestyle? So, I assume that you still don't have the invention","John: I'll get it. I said I would","Isobel: uh, you threatened to expose Damon Salvatore that didn't work. You killed that Pearl lady, still no invention. I really don't think that you're plan is working John","John: Well, you being here is not going to help anything","(She slaps him. He falls)","Isobel: You failed john. I'm gonna take care from here","[Alaric's class room]","Damon: Did you ask her about Uncle John? Are they working together?","Alaric: No","Damon: No they're not?","Alaric: No I didn't ask","Damon: What about the invention?","Alaric: Didn't ask","Damon: Did she know about the tomb vampires?","Alaric: I don't know","Damon: Did words completely escape you?","Alaric: No, I was a little too distracted by my dead vampire wife to ask any questions","(Damon turns to Elena)","Damon: What did she want?","Elena: She wants to see me, Damon","(He looks at her)","Stefan: Alaric is supposed to arrange a meeting. We don't know why or what she wants","Damon (still looking at Elena): You don't have to see her if you don't want to","(Stefan looks at Damon and then at Elena)","Elena: I don't really have choice","Alaric: She's threatening to going killing spree","Damon: Oh! I take that's not okay with you guys","Elena: I want to do it. I want to meet her. If I don't I know I'll regret it","(Damon and Elena look at each other)","[Mystic Grill]","(Elena is sitting alone. Stefan is standing at the pool table. He watches after Elena)","Elena: Can you hear me? Thanks for coming, I'm nervous","(Stefan smiles at her)","Elena: I'm happy that you're here. I love you","(Stefan moves his lips and tells her \"I love you\" Isobel arrives and sits down with her)","Isobel: Hello Elena. You look just like her, that's eerie","Elena: You've met Katherine?","Isobel: She found me after I turned. Genetic curiosity I suppose. She would be fascinated by you","(Elena looks at Isobel's necklace)","Elena: Is that how you can walk in the day?","Isobel: Katherine helped me obtain that","Elena: Who's my father?","Isobel: Not important. He was a teenage waste of space","Elena: A name would be nice","Isobel: It would, wouldn't it? You ask a lot of questions","Elena: Why did you compel that man to kill himself? Right after he told me to stop looking for you","Isobel: Dramatic impact. I wish it would be more effective","Elena: Human life means that little to you?","Isobel: Means nothing to me. It's just a part of being what I am","Elena: No it's not. I know other vampires, that's not true","Isobel: Your new boyfriend over there by the pool table? Stefan Salvatore. Why Stefan? Why you didn't go for Damon? Or are you enjoying them both like Katherine did?","(Elena looks at Stefan. He looks uncomfortable)","[In front of the Mystic Grill]","Damon: We should be in there","Alaric: No, Isobel made it clear we're going to step a foot inside","Damon: I'm not going to kill her in a crowd restaurant","Alaric: You're not going to kill her period!","Damon: She ruined your life and you still want to protect her?","Alaric: She's my wife (Damon looks at him) was my wife. I looked for the woman I married but she wasn't there. The woman over there is just cold and unattached","Damon: Yeah, she's just given up her humanity","Alaric: you see I don't get that. Stefan has his humanity, he's a good guy. And you're a dick and you kill people but I still see something in you. But with her there was... nothing.","Damon: You can turn it off, like a button you can press. I mean, Stefan's different. He wants the whole human experience. He wants to feel every episode of How I Met Your Mother, so he shuts his feelings out. The problem is, as a vampire, your instinct is not to feel. Isobel chose the easier road - no guilt, no shame, no regret. I mean, come on, if you could turn it off, wouldn't you?","Alaric: You haven't","Damon: Of course I have Rick. It's why it's so fun to be around","[Mystic Grill]","Elena: Why did you want to meet me? Can't be just to catch up","Isobel: Because I was curious about you. But the real reason is: I want what you're uncle wants. Jonathan Gilbert's invention.","Elena: How did you know my uncle?","Isobel: I used to spend a lot of time here when I was younger. John had a crush on me for years. He was the first one that told me about vampires","Elena: So what made you want to be one?","Isobel: A very long list of reasons Elena. All of it I'm sure you've thought about","Elena: No","Isobel: That was your first lie. It's inevitable, you're going to get old Stefan won't. (Elena looks at Stefan. He seems sad).Forever doesn't last very long when you're human","Elena: I'm sorry but I don't have what you're looking for","(She gets up but Isobel catches her arm and forces her to sit down)","Isobel: Sit down (Stefan is going towards them) and tell your boyfriend to walk away. I want the invention","Elena: I don't have it","Isobel: I know that but Damon does and you're going get it for me","Elena: He's not going to give it to me","Isobel: Then the blood will be on your hands","(She gets up and leaves)","Isobel: It was nice meeting you Elena","(Elena cries. Stefan is going toward her. Bonnie arrives; Elena gets up and looks at her. Stefan arrives behind Elena. Elena looks at him and then looks at Bonnie. Bonnie looks at Stefan and leaves.","[Gilbert's house]","(Jeremy is on the phone with Anna)","Jeremy: Hey Anna. Where are you? What's up? Uh... Give me a call when you get this","(Jeremy hangs up the phone)","Jenna: How is Anna? I like that girl, she has fire","Jeremy: I don't know. She won't return my call","(John enters in the kitchen)","John: Girls trouble?","Jeremy: No, no trouble. Anna just owes me a call, that's all","John: Is that the girl that I show you at the founder's pageant? You two are getting hot and heavy. When was the last time you saw her?","Jeremy: Why?","John: I was just making conversation. No one else in this house likes me. At least I can talk to you especially if you need someone to talk to about girls","Jenna: Oh please! I'm eating","(Jenna leaves the kitchen)","John: So seriously, how well do you know Anna?","Jeremy: I know Anna extremely well","John: I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything. I'm here to answer any questions that you have, to help you in any way I can","Jeremy: Why?","John: Because your dad would want me too","Jeremy: I'm good","(Jeremy leaves the kitchen)","[Isobel's house]","(Damon is shirtless. His playing strip poker with Cherie)","Damon: Oh Oh Cherie, you won again. I hope I'm wearing my good underwear","(Damon gets up and begins to remove his belt. Isobel arrives)","Isobel: And it's just one blast from the past after another. No, no, no","(Damon closes his fly)","Isobel: Degage Cherie","(Cherie gets up and leaves the room)","Damon: It's good to see you Isobel. I was just having fun with your little mignon","Isobel: How did you find me?","(Damon comes towards Isobel)","Damon: Search for the neighborhood bank closures and found the most expensive one","Isobel: Oh I should have known. You're the one who taught me that. What are you really doing here?","Damon: Well you caused quite a stub when you blew into town. So, everyone except me were a little hurt","Isobel: I'm so sorry. Did you bring the device?","Damon: What are you doing with John Gilbert?","Isobel: We dated a few times when we were young. He was a little bit in love with me","Damon: I'm sure. One of the many. Now, this little invention what do you want with it?","Isobel: Oh, me personally? I don't want anything with it. I'm just doing what I'm told. You know Damon we are one the same side","(Damon takes Isobel's face in his hands)","Damon: Oh yeah? What side is that?","Isobel: Katherine's. she wants John Gilbert to have the device and I think that you know that she's not happy when she doesn't get what she wants","Damon: Why are you doing her dirty work?","Isobel: Don't kill the messenger. We both know that you can't control Katherine. She does what she wants","Damon: So do I","Isobel: Oh really Damon? You do? What we should do know?","(They begin to kiss each other. Damon slams her on the floor)","Damon: Now that I have your attention, listen up. You do not come into my town; threaten the people I care about. Going after Elena? Bad move. You leave her alone or I will rip you to bits because I do believe in killing the messenger. You know why? Because it sends a message. Katherine wants something from me? You tell that little bitch to come get it herself","[Gilbert's house]","(Elena is going down the stairs. Someone is knocking on the door. She opens the door. It's Bonnie)","Elena: Hey","Bonnie: Hey. I couldn't sleep last night. You were obviously upset about something and I just walked away. It's not me. That can't be us. You're my friend Elena. If you need me I'm here for you and I'm sorry I couldn't show you that yesterday","Elena: I met my birth mother","Bonnie: Oh. Was it... Are you okay?","(Elena cries. Bonnie embraces her)","[Mystic Fall's high school]","(Matt is building the float. Tyler arrives)","Tyler: Hey man. So Caroline told me you've been on your own for the past two weeks. Is everything okay?","Matt: You're asking me about my mom. Seriously? Look, why don't you just give her a call to know when she goes back to town?","Tyler: Dude, that's not what I meant okay? I'm just trying to... I don't know what to say","Matt: Good men, don't say anything. You're a dick, end of the story","Tyler: I know (Matt leaves) whatever","[Mystic fall's high school class room]","(Bonnie is leafing through Emily's spell book. Elena enters the room)","Bonnie: Hey! Thanks for meeting me. I wanted you to see this","Elena: Is that Emily's spell book?","Bonnie: I've been going through it since grams died. Check this out","(Bonnie shows her the book)","Elena: That's the vampire compass","Bonnie: Yeah, according to Emily, Jonathan Gilbert never actually succeeded in inventing anything. Emily secretly spelled them all with magic. Compass, rings and the mystery device you told me about","(She shows her a page from the book. The device is designed)","Elena: Yeah that's it. Well, a part of it. Damon only has one piece","Bonnie: Emily preached her loyalty to Katherine. But she couldn't stand by and watch innocent people get killed. This was the only way she could think of to help. To let Jonathan Gilbert believe that he'd actually invented these devices","Elena: That it say what it does?","(Bonnie reads the page)","Bonnie: Are you sure this is what Isobel wants?","Elena: Yeah I'm sure. Why?","Bonnie: This is a weapon against vampires","(Elena is surprised)","[Mystic Fall's high school]","(Jeremy is walking and sees Elena)","Jeremy: Elena!","Elena: Hey, have you seen Stefan? I need to find him","Jeremy: No, not lately. Listen, do you have a second?","Elena: Yeah. What's up? What's going on?","Jeremy: Well, it's Anna. I've left her all this messages but she hasn't answer back to me, not even a text","Elena: Anna? I didn't know that you guys were still friends","Jeremy: We're more than friends. Look, something could be seriously wrong and if you know anything you've got to tell me","Elena: I haven't talk to her, Jer","Jeremy: Are you lying to me right now?","Elena: Why do you say that?","Jeremy: 'Cause that's what you do. Lying. You lie about everything. I know what Anna is and I know that you know. So tell me, do you have any idea where she is?","Elena: No, but Jer... Jeremy wait!","(She turns out and falls into Isobel)","Elena: Isobel. What are you doing here?","Isobel: I'm your mother Elena. I want to be more involved in your life","Elena: I don't want you in my life","Isobel: I understand that. You've already have a lot of people that you care about but I've been studying. Let's see if I got this right.","(She looks at bonnie)","Isobel: There is the witchy best friend, Bonnie. Gonna stay away from that one","(She looks at Jeremy)","Isobel: oh... sad little brother Jeremy","(She watches Caroline)","Isobel: And there's Caroline... upknocious Caroline. I got all of my info from her by the way. She had no idea who I was and she wouldn't stop piping. Oh...","(She looks at Matt)","Isobel: And there's Matt, friend, ex piapy future ex. Lots of connection there","Elena: Matt is not involved in this","Isobel: He's involved with you isn't he?","Elena: Look, you shouldn't be here. You need to leave","Isobel: No, I have some friends here too. Look, you see that man over here, standing next to Matt by the Float? His name is frank, he's very handsome and he's also quite handy and he'd noticed that the aces are rusted which is very dangerous. So, all you have to do is apply a little bit of pressure and...","Elena: No!","(Frank jumps on the trailer above Matt. Matt Is stucked)","Matt: get this trailer! Come on guys help me!","(Tyler rushes to help him with some friends. They try to remove the trailer. Stefan arrives to help. They remove the trailer. Matt can go out. Caroline rushes to see Matt)","Stefan: Caroline, call an ambulance","Elena: Why are you doing this?","Isobel: I show you how easy it is to hurt the people that you care about","Elena: And you're doing this just because Jonathan Gilbert's invention?","Isobel: End it over and all we'll be stop","Elena: I told you, Damon is not giving it to me","Isobel: I think that you underestimate how much Damon cares about you","Elena: He'll kill you before he gives it up","Isobel: Is that before or after I kill your brother Jeremy?","(Elena turns to see Jeremy. He has disappeared)","Elena: Jeremy?","(Stefan looks at her)","Elena: Jeremy?!","(Elena looks everywhere. Isobel is gone too)","Caroline: The ambulance is saying in 15-20 minutes","Tyler: I have my car. I can take him to the hospital","Matt: Caroline can take me","Caroline: I didn't drive","Matt: I'll wait. Its fine","Caroline: You will not wait okay?! You need to see a doctor, Tyler is driving. End of story","Tyler: I'll get my car","(Matt looks at Caroline)","[Isobel's house]","(John arrives. He enters in the house. There's a lot of suitcase in the entry)","John: I see you're packing. It's a good sign","Isobel: It won't be long now","John: Did you get the missing piece? Where is it?","Isobel: I don't have it yet","John: Then, why did you call me there?","(Isobel is going in another room. John follows her)","Isobel: Because I have the next best thing","(Isobel enters the room. Jeremy is in the room. Cherie and Franc are around him)","John: What the hell are you doing?","Isobel: Getting what I want","John: Yeah but he is my nephew and you're going let him go right this second!","Isobel: That goddy ring on your finger, comes off","John: Come on Isobel, I know you okay? It's me John. You can't hurt a kid","Isobel: I'll kill him to prove you're wrong","John: Really? Are you that far gone? Look, I know you've changed but the old Isobel is somewhere in there isn't she? Come on let him go","Isobel (to her mignons): Faites le souffrir","(Cherie and Franck beat him and throw him on the floor. Isobel catch his hand and remove his ring)","Isobel: Nice try. We'll see how you do without this","(Isobel leaves the room. Jeremy look at John, he's on the floor, bleeding)","[Alaric's class room]","Bonnie: Where is the device?","Stefan: Damon has it. He's going to be difficult to resonate","Elena: We'll go to him, I'll talk to him","Stefan: He's not just gonna end it over, especially if it's harm for the vampires","Elena: What if it's not?","(Elena, Bonnie and Stefan look at each other)","[Salvatore's house]","Damon: Absolutely not","Elena: Hear me out","Damon: I'm not gonna give the device to Isobel so she could give it to John who is going to turn it to kill me. I like being a living dead person","Elena: But it would be useless, Bonnie can take its power away","Damon: I don't trust her","Bonnie: I can remove the original spell","Elena: Jenna and Isobel will never know","Damon: No, I'll get Jeremy in my own way","Stefan: Really? How are you going to do that? Because Isobel is a vampire and Jeremy could be dead the second you walk in the door","Damon (to Bonnie): Are you even up for this? I mean no offense, you're not Emily Bennet. Emily knew what she was doing","Bonnie: I've been practicing","Damon: It's not piano lessons honey","Bonnie: What's your favorite book?","Damon: What?","Bonnie: Name a book, any book","Damon: Name a book... How about \"Call of the wild\" Jack London","(Bonnie turns and looks at the library. A book flies and land in Stefan's hands. Damon looks at the book)","Damon: Jack London","Elena: We're doing this Damon. I'm gonna do it in my way. Now give me the device. We're wasting time!","Damon (To Bonnie): I don't trust you, I tried to kill you","Bonnie: You're right, you can't trust me","Elena: But you can trust me","(Damon looks at her. Stefan looks at them. Damon gives her the device. Stefan looks at him)","Elena: Thank you","[Isobel's house]","(John is lying on the ground. Jeremy comes towards him with a towel)","Jeremy: Here you go (He gives him the towel)","John: Thank you","Jeremy: What is she after?","John: Your ancestor invented a weapon, a device that is extremely harmful to the vampires and we've been trying to get it","Jeremy: Why?","John: Because there's a group of vampires from a long time ago and they want revenge on this town","Jeremy: But why would a vampire help you kill other vampires?","John: She has her own reasons for wanting them dead. Look Jeremy, no one ever thought vampires would return to this town. Not in modern times, but they have and we have to destroy them","Jeremy: All of them? No, there are some good ones out there","John: They're not such things","Jeremy: I don't believe that","John: Well, your dad did. And has his son that should mean something to you","Jeremy: How does my father knew about all this?","John: Who do you think told me about the family history?","[Salvatore's house]","(Emily spell book is open. The device is next to it. Bonnie begins the spell. Damon, Elena and Stefan look at her)","Bonnie: Done","(Bonnie gives the device to Elena)","Damon: Great, now what?","Elena: Now we give it to Isobel","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Mystic Falls square]","(Elena is waiting for Isobel. She arrives behind her)","Isobel: Where is the device?","Elena: Where is my brother?","Isobel: This is not a negotiation. Where is the invention?","Elena: where is my brother?","Isobel: Do you really think that I came alone?","(Franck and Cherie arrives behind Elena)","Elena: Do you think that I came alone?","(Damon and Stefan arrive behind Isobel. She looks at them)","Isobel: For god sakes call home","Elena: What?","Isobel: Call home and ask to speak to your brother Jeremy","(Elena takes her phone and call home)","Jeremy: allo?","Elena: Jeremy, are you okay?","Jeremy: yeah yeah I'm fine, Uncle John hit his head. It was an accident","Jenna: We're all laughing","Jeremy: But yeah I'm okay","Elena: I'll be home soon alright?","Jeremy: Yeah","(He hangs up the phone and looks at his uncle)","Elena: You would never gonna hurt him","Isobel: No, I was going to kill him","Isobel: Don't look for any redeeming qualities in me. I don't have any","Elena: But you took a risk with Damon. How did you know that he was gonna give it to me?","Isobel: Because he's in love with you","(Damon looks at Stefan, he looks uncomfortable. Stefan seems upset. Elena gives the device to Isobel)","Elena (long pause): Thank you","Isobel: For what?","Elena: For being such a monumental disappointment. It keeps the memory of my real mother perfectly intact","Isobel: Goodbye, Elena. As long as you have a Salvatore on each arm, you're doomed. Katherine was smart. She got out. But we all know that you're not Katherine","(Isobel looks at her and leaves. Stefan embraces her. She looks at Damon. Then, Stefan looks at Damon. He cast down and leaves. Stefan looks at him)","[Gilbert's house]","(Jeremy left a vocal message to Anna. Elena enters in Jeremy's room)","Elena: Jeremy we need to talk about all this","Jeremy: No, we really don't","Elena: I don't know what Anna told you but there things you need to know","Jeremy: Yeah? Because I'm pretty sure that your journal covered it","Elena: you read my journal?","Jeremy: And save me the speech about invasion of privacy because I read a section about Damon racing my memory about what happened to Vicky","Elena: Jeremy, please, you don't understand. The night that Vicky died, it was like mom and dad died all over again. It was all over your face and it hurt so much to see you like this. I just wanted to take away your pain. I'm so sorry","Jeremy: Get out!","Elena: No Jeremy","Jeremy: Elena! Just get out! Please","(She leaves and then she turns)","Elena: Jeremy, please...","(He closes the door on her face)","[Mystic Fall's high school]","(Alaric is in an empty school hallway. Isobel is waiting for him)","Alaric: What do you want?","Isobel: I totally get it, you, here as an history teacher. It's good","Alaric: What the hell are you doing? You act like you don't care but yet you're here hunting me down","Isobel: I'm leaving. I just thought I said goodbye","Alaric: It haven't bother you the first time so why now?","Isobel: You hate me. Good","Alaric: Does it make it easier for you? I mean what is the whole point of this exercise?","Isobel: What did you expect? You spent all this time trying to track me down. What do you think you would find?","Alaric: The woman who gave me this (He shows her the ring). I mean you act like you don't care but you care enough to protect me after you're left","Isobel: I was a different person back then","Alaric: Right! And that person is gone. The woman that I married, the woman I loved, she's just... she's gone","(He removes his ring and throws it to her)","Alaric: You expect me to believe that?","(He throws the vervain on the floor)","Isobel: What are you doing?","Alaric: Well, I'm ring free, I'm vervain free. So, kill me or compel me because I don't believe it. Not for a second","(Isobel pushes him against the wall)","Isobel: I wanted this, I needed this and I'm going to regret it forever. This was my mistake, not yours","(She compels him)","Isobel: You're not going to remember this. I left you, I did and when I'm think about what I gave up it hurts. But now your heart is free of me, it's easier this way. Goodbye Rick","(She puts the ring on his finger. She touches his face and leaves)","[Gilbert's house]","(Jeremy is going to bed. Anna appears)","Jeremy: Anna? What are you doing here?","Anna (crying): my mother. She's dead","Jeremy: What?","Anna: She was killed","Jeremy: Oh my god Anna. Hey I'm so sorry","Anna: I know I'm not supposed to be here but I don't have anywhere else to go","(He embraces her)","Jeremy: It's okay","[Salvatore's house]","(Damon is pouring himself a glass of scotch. Stefan arrives)","Damon: Would you like one? Say it, whatever I is purge, get it out","Stefan: It's about what Isobel said","Damon: What about?","Stefan: Well, I know Elena and you have bounded and I know she cares about you and... I know you care about her","Damon: Well, this is going in an interesting direction","Stefan: I'm just concerned about Elena being hurt. She considers you a friend","Damon: Same here, Elena is a very good friend. Actually, she might qualifies my only... friend. Is that a problem?","Stefan: So, at the risk of sounding like uh... like a jealous boyfriend","Damon: Oh, there's no risk, you do","Stefan: History won't be repeating itself where Elena is concerned. Do you understand what I'm saying?","Damon: Sure","(Stefan runs toward him)","Stefan: Do you understand?","Damon: Whatever you say man, I mean we're just friends and as a friend I wasn't looking forward to tell her the truth anyway so I let you do it","Stefan: What truth?","Damon: About John. Because I know you guys don't like to keep secrets from each other","Stefan: What are you talking about?","Damon: Am I the only one around here who has the ability to put everything together? Isobel! Hello? She dated John when she was 15; she gets pregnant and ends up in the doctor's office of John's brother. Now, what do you think John's role is in all this? I mean, go ahead, and think about it, I'm waiting. Did you get it? Is there in?","Stefan: So you think that John is Elena's father?","Damon: Ding, ding, ding!","Stefan: what proof do you have?","Damon: I don't need any proof, that's a DNA test for John, Elena and the crazy one to do it but I know how well you deal with these bombs so... Sleep sight","(He leaves the room)","Damon: Oh and when you do tell Elena and she needs a friend to talk to about anything, I'm here for her","(He leaves, Stefan looks at him)","[Gilbert's house]","(John is on the couch, hi phone rings. It(s Isobel)","John: Allo?","Isobel: On your doorstep you'll find what you're looking for","John: And my ring?","Isobel: Don't screw this up. You know what you have to do, John","(He opens the door and pick up the envelope)","John: I got it. I won't fail","(He opens the envelope)","Isobel: You better not. Katherine wants all of those tomb vampires dead, and I want to add two more to that list","(He retrieves his ring and puts it on his finger)","John: Let me guess","Isobel: Stefan and Damon. I don't want this life for her","John: That was always part of the plan. Consider them gone","Isobel: She's our daughter, John. We owe that to her","John: I know","(He hangs up the phone)","[Mystic Grill]","Caroline: So you're not going to tell me what happened?","Bonnie: I did something bad, Caroline, and I lied about it","Caroline: To who?","Bonnie: To Elena. I pretended to do something I didn't really do","Caroline: What are you talking about?","Bonnie: I couldn't do what she wanted me to do. It wasn't right. Grams would have never done it, so I couldn't either. But when Elena finds out, she's never gonna forgive me"],"Show Title":"The Vampire Diaries","Episode Number":"01x21","Episode Title":"Isobel","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Vampire_Diaries_02x11.json","Recap":["As the full moon approaches, Caroline helps Tyler prepare for his transformation. Stefan asks Katherine to prove that there is good in her, and she advises him to ask Isobel for help in finding Klaus. Bonnie seeks Luka's help to destroy the moonstone; they cast a spell, but Luka gives the moonstone to his father. Jules, a friend of Mason, arrives in Mystic Falls looking for him. Damon and Alaric try to trick her into having a drink mixed with wolfsbane . She reveals that she is a werewolf and tells Damon that he has been marked. Elijah makes a deal with Elena: she has to keep herself safe from Klaus (so that Elijah can use her as bait to kill Klaus) and in return, Elijah will protect her friends and family and free Stefan from the tomb. Caroline reunites with Tyler. At the Salvatore mansion, Jules, in wolf form, tries to attack Damon but instead bites Rose's shoulder, which becomes infected."],"Transcript":["[Lockwood's mansion]","(Tyler is in his father's office. He's watching Mason's transformation while he's preparing everything for the full moon. He takes the phone and calls Mason but he doesn't answer. He leaves a message)","Tyler: Mason, it's Tyler again. Look, your voicemail is full. I need to talk to you. It's a full moon tomorrow and... I found your recording and I'm freeking out over here. Just call me back, please","[Mason's apartment]","(A girl is here. She's listening to Tyler's message)","[Gilbert's house]","(Elena is in her bedroom. She's looking at the moonstone. Bonnie is with her)","Elena: Now that you've got this back, what are you gonna do with it?","Bonnie: Right now it's what is binding the sun and the moon curse. If i can figure out a way to remove the spell from the stone, the stone becomes useless","Elena: And according to Katherine, Klaus becomes vengeful","Bonnie: Maybe if he finds out","Elena: Bonnie, can't this wait? Stefan is stuck in the tomb with Katherine. We've got to get him out","Bonnie: Stefan wants me to focus on this","Elena: Don't listen to him. He thinks that he's protecting me but he's wrong","Bonnie: I'm taking Stefan's side with this one. We're not gonna let you get use in some creepy sacrifice ritual","(Jeremy arrives. Bonnie takes the stone from Elena's hand)","Jeremy: What are you guys arguing about?","Bonnie: We're not arguing anything","(She puts the stone in her bag and looks at Jeremy)","Bonnie: I need a coffee","(She gets up and leaves. Jeremy looks at Elena)","Elena: What?","Jeremy: Why are you on some suicide mission?","Elena: I'm trying to prevent everyone else from getting hurt","Jeremy: How's bringing Klaus the moonstone so you can get yourself killed is okay?","(He leaves. She takes the moonstone from Bonnie's bag)","(She gets down the stairs. She has her car's keys in her hands. Bonnie rejoins her)","Bonnie: Where are you going?","Elena: To see Stefan","Bonnie: You're lying","Elena: No, I'm not","Bonnie: Really? Tire your face","Elena: Are you serious?","(Jeremy rejoins them)","Jeremy: She took the moonstone","Elena: How did you...?","Bonnie: We tested you and you failed","Elena: Klaus killed Katherine's entire family just because she crossed him. I can't let that happen","(Bonnie lets her leave. Elena opens the door and tries to get out but she can't. She's trapped. She turns herself and looks at them)","Elena: What did you do?","(Damon","(Bonnie looks at Jeremy. He's smiling)","[The tomb]","(Stefan is talking with Damon)","Stefan: You trapped her in the house?","Damon: It's for the best. Trust me. Elena is on a martyr that rivals your greatest hits. You should be glad the witch and i are getting along. I brought you this","(He gives him a bag)","Damon: Care package: candles, lanterns and lunch","(He shows him a bottle of blood)","Stefan: Give that to me and I'm just gonna have to share with her","(Damon looks at Katherine)","Damon: Yeah...","Katherine: You two are surprisingly calm considering Klaus will haunt you down and kill you if you mess with his little plan","Damon: I've been dead before. I got over it","(He looks at Stefan)","Damon: Once we deal with this moonstone, we'll figure a way to get you out","Stefan: Don't worry about me. Just make sure Elena's safe","(Damon looks at Katherine and leaves)","[Lockwood Mansion]","(Tyler is about to leave. Carol rejoins him)","Carol: Heading out?","Tyler: Yeah... lunch at the grill, I've got practice and I'll probably go out after. I'll be late","(Someone knocks on the door. Tyler opens it. It's a woman)","Jules: Hi","Tyler: Hi","Jules: Sorry. Rude. You have no idea who i am. I'm Jules, a friend of Mason from Florida. You must be Tyler","Tyler: Yeah. Nice to meet you","Jules: So I know it's weird to me to just stop by but I'm trying to track down Mason","Carol: Mason's back in Florida. He has been for a while now","Jules: See... that's the thing... he's not","[Mystic grill]","(Jenna is sitting at a table with Alaric)","Jenna: So now I'm playing historical society hostess to some writer who's doing his book on small town Virginia","Alaric: Well that sounds...","Jenna: Lame, yeah but Carol Lockwood played the dead husband card, she said she was too busy to deal. Plus, my sister kept mostly archives so there you have it","(She kisses him and leaves. Tyler arrives and rejoins Caroline. Alaric looks at him)","Tyler: Hey","Caroline: Hey. What's wrong?","Tyler: This girl Mason knows stopped by the house. She said he never made it back to Florida. My mom is freaking out and she was on the phone with your mom when I left.","(Alaric is looking at them)","Tyler: We should get going","Caroline: Yeah","(She gets up and looks at Alaric)","[Gilbert's house]","(Damon enters the house and rejoins Elena in the living room)","Damon: You should really lock your door. Oh, come on pouty. Just give me two points for ingenuity","Elena: Do you think this is funny?","Damon: Yes Elena. I find hilarity in the links that I have to go to repeatedly save your life","Elena: What does Stefan say about this?","Damon: Pretty good laugh","Elena: And what did he say about Elijah still being alive?","(He sits down next to her on the couch)","Damon: Yeah, that... I didn't tell him","Elena: Why not?","Damon: Well a) he can't do anything about it and b)... what I just said","(Jeremy rejoins them)","Damon: Where is Bonnie?","Jeremy: I thought she was meeting you","Damon: No, she's on moonstone duty and I'm on Elena patrol","Jeremy: And who's on Tyler Lockwood and the full moon?","Damon: Vampire Barbie asked me if she can handle this and why not? Because if she screwed up he'll bite her and then I'll be rid of two of my problems","Elena: Hold on a second. Tonight is a full moon?","(Damon's phone ring)","Damon: Yeah but you were too absorb with all your suicidal tendencies to notice","(He gets up and answers. It's Alaric)","Damon: What?","Alaric: Sheriff Forbes has officially declared Mason Lockwood a missing person","Damon: What? Why?","Alaric: Some girl from Florida showed up on the Lockwood's door step looking for Mason","Damon: What girl?","Alaric: I don't know but she sure got everyone and it's easy","Damon: It's not good. Where are you?","Alaric: I'm at the grill","Damon: I'm on my way","(He hangs up and rejoins Elena and Jeremy)","Damon: Change of plan. You baby sit","(Jeremy lies on Elena's leg)","Damon: Hey you know, you should get out, enjoy the sun. Oh wait, you can't","(She throws him a cushion. Jeremy laughs. She throws him on the floor)","[The Woods]","(Caroline stops her car. Tyler gets out and opens the trunk to get his stuff)","Caroline: Maybe he just stopped to go surf somewhere. Isn't that Mason's old thing?","Tyler: Maybe. This girl just seem to think he would have called","Caroline: I'm sure he's okay","Tyler: Yeah, anyway... let's do this","[Lockwood's mansion]","Jules: So you'll call me as soon as you hear anything?","Carol: Of course","Jules: Oh, i didn't get to say goodbye to your son","Carol: I'm afraid he's at the grill with his friends. I'll let him know. Jules... let's hope for the best","(Jules leaves. Carol closes the door)","(Jules get out of the property with her car. She calls someone with her phone)","Jules: Hey, I'm here. No one knows where Mason is. He's missing. You were right, Mason was lying, there's another werewolf. His nephew","[Mystic Grill]","(Jules arrives at the grill. She intercepts Matt)","Jules: Hey, excuse me. Crazy question: do you know Tyler Lockwood?","(Alaric and Damon are looking at her)","Damon: Mmm, Mason's mystery woman","Alaric: Where is Mason anyway?","Damon: Decomposing in his truck","Alaric: So you think she is a werewolf?","Damon: Well I hope not, because it's the full moon, Rick but we should definitely find out","(He takes wolfs pain from his pocket)","Alaric: What is that?","Damon: Wolf's pain","[Old Lockwood property]","(Tyler is preparing the chains)","Caroline: Tell me you brought the instruction menu","Tyler: Tell me you brought the wolfs pain","Caroline: Yes. Not easy to find","(She gives him the wolfs pain. When he touches it, his skin burns)","Tyler: I have water bottles in my bag, we can mix it in there","(She mixes the wolf pain in the water)","Tyler: The guy at the hardware store said was set up to resist 5000 pounds","Caroline: Is that more than a werewolf can pull?","Tyler: I have no idea","Caroline: Hey Tyler, how are you doing?","Tyler: Still human","(He takes of his shirt)","Caroline: Oh my god, you're not getting get naked, are you?","Tyler: It's elastic. What should I wear? I don't think it's like the hulk, I can keep my pants","[Jonas and Luka's apartment]","(Bonnie knocks on the door. Luka opens it)","Bonnie: Hi","(She shows him his necklace. He takes it)","Luka: I don't know what makes me more upset: that i showed you how to channel or that you almost killed me","Bonnie: Luka, I'm so sorry. I wouldn't have done what i did unless it was really important. It's just that there are things that i...","Luka: I forgive you","(She enters the house. They sit down. There are a lot of books on the table)","Bonnie: Wow. So much stuff. What is that? Is this a grimoire?","Luka: They're all grimoires","Bonnie: How did you get all these?","Luka: Witches from all over the world have collected their spells in grimoires but over the centuries, most of them gotten lost and my dad is obsessed finding them, making sure that our family's heritage stays intact","Bonnie: This can't all be your family's","Luka: Well how he sees it all, witches are family. We're all bounded together by code of loyalty to help each other","Bonnie: So that's why you've been so nice to me","Luka: That's one reason","Bonnie: Listen... do you know how to break the bind between a talisman and a spell?","Luka: That depends because spells are unique and very specific but I'm sure we can figure it out","[Mystic Grill]","(Jules is alone at the bar. Alaric rejoins her with a drink. He's pretending to be drunk)","Alaric: Well hello. Can I have a scotch and what this beautiful woman is drinking","Jules: No, one is my limit","Alaric: Oh come on, it's not like I'm a freak. I'm just friendly to somebody who's knew to town","Jules: Okay, if you insist. How do you know I'm new?","Alaric: Because I've never seen you here before and i am here every night","(Damon arrives)","Damon: Excuse me, is this guy bothering you?","Alaric: I'm not bothering anybody","Damon: Perfect. Well.... Do it elsewhere","(Alaric looks at them)","Damon: Don't worry, he's harmless. He's the town drunk you know","(While Damon is talking with her, Alaric puts wolfs pain in her glass)","Alaric: Please don't talk about me like I'm not here","(He gives the glass to Jules)","Damon: Why are you here?","Jules: Thank you for the drink","(Alaric raises his glass and leaves)","[The tomb]","(Stefan is laying on a bed. Katherine is looking at him)","Katherine: So we're fasting now? We're so piece. How long have you actually gone without blood? I know you get desiccated in theory, Stefan but in reality, it's much worse. Your heart still beats, struggling to pomp whatever blood remains. When it's gone, your veins rub together like sent paper. It's excruciating","(He gets up)","Stefan: The pleasure of watching you suffer is greatest than any pain I'll ever feel","Katherine: It's stuffy and I've been in this dress for days. You want to help me get out of it? Come on, Stefan. Don't be such a grump.","(She takes off her dress)","Katherine: We're here together. Please make the best out of it","(She's in her underwear)","Katherine: You really think Damon is gonna rush to get you out? He's got what he wants: Elena","Stefan: Stop","Katherine: Given what is mastery gone out there, I'd say you're free to do whatever you want in here. Nobody will ever know","(She kisses him. She takes off his shirt. He pushes her against the wall and kisses her. Suddenly he wakes up and looks at Katherine)","Stefan: Stay out of my head","Katherine: Maybe i can do eternity in here after all","[Gilbert's house]","(Elena is going down the stairs and finds Jenna searching in the closet)","Elena: Hey, what are you doing?","Jenna: Perfect timing","(She gives her a box)","Elena: What is this stuff?","Jenna: You mom's file from the historical society. I got roped into helping Mrs. Lockwood and by roped, I mean very excited to participate","(She closes the closet door. Elijah's here. Elena is very surprised with fear. He's looking at her)","Elijah: Hey, I'm Elijah","Jenna: Elijah is in town doing research on Mystic Falls","(He gets closer to Elena)","Elijah: It's a pleasure","(They shake their hands)","Jenna: So you're welcome to stay here and ramage through this stuff or Elena and i could help you load it into our car","Elijah: Or i can get someone to pick it up tomorrow","Jenna: Also a good plan","Elijah: Thank you so much for inviting me into your home, Jenna and Elena...","(He looks at her)","Elijah: I hope to see you again sometime soon","(He leaves. Elena rushes toward Jeremy's bedroom. She knocks on the door but Elijah catches his wrist. Jeremy opens the door. Elijah hide)","Jeremy: What is it?","Elena: Jenna was just asking me to get you help her with the boxes","Jeremy: Okay","(He leaves. Elijah is looking at Elena)","Elijah: It's a wise choice","Elena: What do you want?","Elijah: I think it's time you and i have a little chat","[Mystic grill]","(Damon is still at the bar with Jules)","Damon: There's a b&b on the road and there's a motel on the I9 but you know, if you ask me, it's kind of a mistake","Jules: No it's fine. I'm just here for the night. It's a long story, looking for my friend","Damon: Who?","Jules: Mason Lockwood","Damon: I know Mason","Jules: You do?","Damon: Yeah. He's a great guy","Jules: He's missing","Damon: What do you mean? Like... I mean, missing, missing?","Jules: How do you know Mason?","Damon: Friend of friends","(She doesn't drink. Damon looks at Alaric)","[Old Lockwood property]","(Tyler is shirtless. All chained up)","Tyler: What time is it?","Caroline: Almost 8. What time does the moon cross whatever?","Tyler: Not for a while. Mason's journal said the first transformation can happen before the moon it's at his highest","Caroline: Does it say how long you'll actually be a wolf?","Tyler: A few hours. Maybe more maybe less","(He tries to sit down next to her but he can't because of the chains. He takes the bottle with the wolfs pain)","Caroline: Are you sure you want to do that?","Tyler: Yeah. Mason said it'll diminish my strength so I can't break free","(He drinks but he's about to vomit. He falls on the floor. She gets closer to him)","Caroline: Tyler...","(She touches his back)","Tyler: No","Caroline: Shut...","Tyler: Don't!","(They look at each other)","Tyler: I'm sorry","(She touches his face)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Gilbert's house]","(Elijah and Elena are in her room)","Elijah: Forgive the intrusion. I mean your family no harm","Elena: Why did you kill those vampires when they tried to take me?","Elijah: Because i didn't want you to be taken. Klaus is the most feared and hated of the originals but those who fear him are desperate for his approval. If the word gets out that the doppelganger exist there'll be a line of vampires eager to take you to him and i can't have that","Elena: Isn't that exactly what you're trying to do?","Elijah: Let's just say that my goal is not to break the curse","Elena: So what is your goal?","Elijah: Klaus's obsession has made him paranoid. He's a recluse. He trust only those in his immediately circle","Elena: Like you?","Elijah: Not anymore","Elena: You don't know where he is, do you? So you're trying to use me to dry him out","Elijah: Well, to do that I need you to stay put and stop trying to get yourself killed","Elena: How do i know you're telling the truth?","Elijah: If I wasn't being trustful, your family would be dead and I'd be taking you to Klaus right now. Instead, I'm here and I'm preparing to offer you a deal","Elena: What kind of a deal?","Elijah: Do nothing. Do nothing, leave your life, stop fighting and then, when the time is right, you and i should drop Klaus to get out and I should make sure your friends remain unharmed","Elena: And then what?","Elijah: Then I kill him","Elena: Just like that?","Elijah: Just like that. I'm a man of my word, Elena. I make a deal, I keep a deal","Elena: How are you gonna be able to keep everybody safe?","Elijah: I notice you have a friend Bonnie, is it? She seems to possess the gift of magic. I have friends with similar gifts","Elena: You know witches","Elijah: Together we can protect you and everybody that matters to you. So do we have a deal?","Elena: I need you to do one more thing for me","Elijah: you're negotiating now?","[A roof]","(Bonnie is lighting candles. Luka is looking at a grimoire)","Luka: You know, this is good. This is really good. There's a clear view of the moon and it's private","Bonnie: And if anyone looks out, they're gonna think we're insane","Luka: Are we? So what is this mysterious talisman we're binding?","(She shows him the moonstone. He takes it)","Luka: Oh, a white rock. This is fascinating","Bonnie: Hey! I know it doesn't look like much...","Luka: What's spelled with?","(She doesn't say anything)","Luka: Really? Help a girl out, she still keeps secrets","Bonnie: Sorry","Luka: I'm just teasing you","(He puts the stone in her hand and holds it. They close their eyes and cast a spell. The stone flies and explodes)","[Old Lockwood property]","(Tyler is in pain. He tries to removes the chain but Caroline is here)","Caroline: Tyler...","(He cries)","Tyler: I'm burning up. It burns!","Caroline: I know. Just breathe, okay?","Tyler: I'm trying. You should go. You should leave","Caroline: Not yet","(He screams. His bones are breaking. Caroline screams too. He cries)","Tyler: It hurts. It hurts","[Mystic Grill]","(Damon is still at the bar with Jules)","Damon: You know, I'm really tied with the sheriff. If there anything I can do to help looking Mason, I will. He's a great guy and after his brother's funeral, he stuck around and he helped his nephew and...","Jules: Tyler?","Damon: Yep. Mason was with him the whole time. Helped him with all that grief. You haven't touched your drink","Jules: You know, I'm not much of a drinker. I should get going","Damon: Oh, come on. Look, one drink","Jules: It'll help me sleep","Damon: To sleep","(She sniffs the glass and puts it on the bar)","Jules: You fool. You think you're clever, don't you?","Damon: What do you want with Mason Lockwood?","Jules: He's my friend","Damon: Well, I'm sorry to inform you that you probably won't find him","Jules: And why not?","Damon: You should leave town","Jules: You're threatening me? On a full moon. How stupid are you?","(Alaric arrives)","Alaric: How about that second round?","Damon: I think we're done, Rick","(He looks at Jules)","Damon: You think i'm afraid of you?","Jules: No, i don't. That's your vampire arrogance. You should be. I sniffed you out the moment you entered this bar along with your pathetic wolfs pain. I had this a long time and any other night of the month, the situation would be reversed but tonight is not the night to pick a fight with me. You've been marked","(She leaves. Damon looks at Alaric)","[Old Lockwood property]","(Tyler is on the floor. Caroline is next to him. She's looking at him)","Caroline: I want to help but I don't know what to do","Tyler: There's nothing you can do","(He gets up. His bones and his spine are breaking. He screams. Caroline cries)","Tyler: Get out","Caroline: No","Tyler: Get out! I don't want to hurt you","Caroline: No, no","(She goes closer to him. She embraces him)","[Mystic Grill]","(Damon and Alaric gets out)","Damon: Where is she?","Alaric: Just let her go, Damon. Don't be stupid","Damon: So what? Just let her get away? \u00ab You've been marked \u00bb What the hell kind of wolf flow down crap is that anyway?","Alaric: Damon, look up! Just look up.","(He looks at the sky. It's the full moon)","Alaric: If this werewolf stuff is true, one bite and you're dead. One bite! Alright? Don't risk it. Just go home, lock your doors and we'll deal with it in the morning","Damon: Yeah","(He leaves)","[Old Lockwood property]","(Tyler is still on the floor. His eyes are closed. Caroline is with him. She embraces him)","Caroline: It's okay. You'll fight it, okay?","Tyler: Leave","Caroline: No","Tyler: Just go, please!","Caroline: No, not yet","Tyler: Just go!","Caroline: I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere","(Suddenly he screams. His bones are breaking. His eyes are yellow and his fangs are out. She leaves him. He gets up and looks everywhere around him. She closes the door. Tyler rushes over her. He removes his chains. She leaves and she's crying. Tyler screams. Caroline is still behind the door. She's crying. Tyler's transformation is over. He's a wolf. Caroline gets up because she doesn't hear anything now but suddenly Tyler tries to break the door. She leaves and goes in the woods)","[Salvatore's house]","(Damon arrives at the house. He locks the door. He goes in the library and sees Rose)","Damon: You just can't stay away, can you?","Rose: You don't answer your phone","Damon: What do you want?","Rose: I wanted to apologize","Damon: Just admit it, you don't have anywhere else to go","Rose: I'm sorry about Elena. I wasn't thinking straight. I didn't know she had a death wish but I called you, I tried to make it right, okay? I'm sorry, Damon and I have nowhere else to go","Damon: There's nothing for you here, Rose","Rose: Well, then...","(They here a noise? They go in the living room. The window is broken. A wolf is there. Damon has a crown in hs hands. The wolf jumps on Rose and bites her. Damon hurts the wolf. He leaves)","Damon: How bad is it?","Rose: It hurts","Damon: It's healing","Rose: oh my god, I thought a werewolf bite was fatal and I thought...","(She's crying. Damon embraces her)","[Jonas and Lukas's apartment]","(Luka arrives. Jonas is here)","Jonas: You were successful?","Luka: Of course I was. She fell for the whole... show and didn't suspect a thing","(He puts the moonstone on the desk. Jonas takes it)","Jonas: Thank you, Luka","Luka: Yeah, whatever. I'm going to sleep","Jonas: Wait. There's one more thing Elijah needs us to do before we lose the full moon","[The tomb]","Katherine: Are we seriously not going to talk at all?","Stefan: We could talk about how you regret all you've done to make my life miserable","Katherine: What do you want me to say, Stefan? That I'm sorry for everything that I've done? Well I'm not, okay? It's called self preservation. I've been looking out for myself for 500 years","Stefan: Look were it has gotten you","Katherine: Yes, I've done terrible things. I know that but I do love you, Stefan. Even if you don't believe it","Stefan: You want me to believe you? Show me. Do something. Prove to me that there's something inside of you that's actually worst","Katherine: And then what? You'll still hate me","Stefan: Maybe and maybe I'll see that there's still hope for you after all","Katherine: You're playing me","Stefan: Am I?","Katherine: You want to find Klaus? Kill him so that you can protect your precious Elena?","Stefan: Let me guess: you know where he is","Katherine: No, I don't but I could help you find him","Stefan: For a price I'm sure","Katherine: Let's start with Isobel, Elena's mother. She was a research expert. She found me","(They look at each other)","Katherine: You're welcome","(They hear that the door is being opened. They look at each other and go in front of the door. They see Elijah. Katherine is surprised and frightened)","Katherine: Elijah","Elijah: Good evening Katerina. Thank you for having the good sense to be frightened","(He looks at Stefan)","Elijah: Your release has been requested","Stefan: What? By who?","Elijah: The lovely Elena drives a hard bargain. however we reached a peaceful agreement, she and I. Please","(He shows that he can go out)","Elijah: Come","Stefan: I can't","Elijah: Yes you can. I've had the spell lifted","(Stefan gets out slowly. Once he's out, Katherine rushes to get out but she can't because of the spell. Elijah rushes over her and compels her)","Elijah: As for you however, you should not exit until I say so. When Klaus comes he'll want to know exactly where you are","(He looks at Stefan)","Elijah: You're free to go. Elena will explain the arrangement to you. If she keeps her world, I'll keep mine","(He leaves)","Katherine: Stefan, no. please don't let him leave me in here","Stefan: Goodbye Katherine","(He looks at her and leaves)","[The woods]","(Caroline is alone. She finally goes into the old Lockwood property to see if Tyler is better. She goes into the cellar. Tyler is normal again and he's laying on the floor. She rushes over him and puts a jacket on his shoulder)","Caroline: Are you okay? You made it. You didn't get out. You're okay","(He's crying)","Tyler: No, I'm not","(She embraces him)","[Gilbert's house]","(Elena is in her bedroom. Stefan arrives. She smiles when she sees him and rushes over him. They embrace each other. They look at each other, smile and kiss)","[Salvatore's house]","(Damon is sitting on the couch. Rose rejoins him)","Damon: I talked to Caroline. She said Tyler was all locked up","Rose: So it was Jules. The other werewolf, the one who attacked you","Damon: Yeah. I'm sorry. I picked a fight with her. She was coming after me","Rose: All's well that ends well","Damon: You're all healed?","Rose: Yeah. Seems that way","Damon: Rose... I'm happy that the legend was fake. Maybe the werewolf made it out to keep vampires away","Rose: Lucky me","(He touches her thigh)","Rose: I'm gonna stay and help you","Damon: Help me do what?","Rose: Save Elena, protect Elena, all things Elena","Damon: Really? Why?","Rose: Because I like you. I believe in friendship. I happen to have a vacancy in that department and you can use all the friends you can get","Damon: Just friends?","Rose: Just friends","(She gets up but he catches her arms and kisses her)","Damon: Are you sure you can do that?","Rose: I don't love men who love other women. I think more of myself but it doesn't mean I can't be your special friend","(They laughs)","Damon: I think I like you","(They kiss. She looks at her shoulder)","Rose: Woo","(He looks at her shoulder. It's hurt because of Jules's bite)"],"Show Title":"The Vampire Diaries","Episode Number":"02x11","Episode Title":"By the Light of the Moon","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Vampire_Diaries_03x10.json","Recap":["Bonnie has a dream about the witches' massacre house, where she finds the coffins of the Originals. One coffin opens and she sees the body of Klaus with the Original Witch's necklace. Back in reality, Stefan asks Bonnie for help in hiding the coffins from Klaus. Bonnie, with help from the dead witches, can make the coffins invisible. She informs Stefan that the coffin she saw opening in her dream is the key to tormenting Klaus but it is sealed with a spell. Klaus wants Elena and Damon to find Stefan in order to get his coffins back but when they refuse, he gets a hybrid to run over Jeremy who has been off vervain due to Tyler's influence and has been compelled by Klaus. Alaric pushes Jeremy out of the way and gets run over. His ring brings him back to life but does not heal him; he needs vampire blood to heal him. Alaric meets Dr. Meredith Fell ( Torrey DeVitto ), who is intrigued with his amazing ability to heal. Stefan reveals to Damon that he stopped the plan to kill Klaus to save Damon's life. Stefan then reveals his plan to torment Klaus in revenge for what Klaus turned him into and refuses to return the coffins, despite Klaus' attempts to kill Jeremy. Elena makes a deal with Klaus to spare Jeremy's life in return for Rebekah's daggered body. When Elena reveals to Klaus that Rebekah wants him dead because he killed their mother, Klaus keeps the dagger in her. Elena asks Damon to compel Jeremy to leave Mystic Falls and move away with family friends so he can have a normal life away from the supernatural. Elena thanks Damon for everything and Damon admits that because Stefan saved him, he cannot feel guilty for wanting what he wants (Elena, his brother's girl). He then says \"if I'm going to feel guilty, I'll feel guilty about this\" and kisses Elena."],"Transcript":["[Abandonned witch House]","(Bonnie is outside. She enters the house. There's some whispers. She keeps going and finally goes downstairs. The 4 coffins are here. She sees one in particular. He's more higher than the others. She goes towards it and finally opens it. Klaus is in here, asleep. He seems peaceful. He has he's mother's necklace in his hands. She's about to touch it but she hears a noise and turns herself)","[Bonnie's bedroom]","(Bonnie suddenly wakes up. It was just a dream)","[Mystic Falls]","(Elena is jogging. She stops to see what time she made. She turns herself and sees a man with a hoodie running toward her. She starts running again. She looks behind her and the man is still there. She runs faster and arrives in front of a house. She stops when she sees the man isn't behind her anymore. When she turns herself she's face to face with him)","Man: Excuse me. I should have been watching where I was going","Elena: Don't worry about it","Man: You have a nice day","(He leaves, running. She watches him)","[Mystic Grill]","(Elena is at a table with Bonnie]","Elena: I think I'm going crazy. I'm totally paranoid all the time","Bonnie: You have a right to be. Klaus is sill out there, and he knows you tried to kill him","Elena: Why hasn't he made a move? There's been no sign of him, nothing. Just my slow spiral into insanity","Bonnie: Join the club. Every time I close my eyes, I have that nightmare on repeat","Elena: The same dream?","Bonnie: Yeah. 4 coffins. Klaus is in one of them. It's weird","Elena: What if it's not just... Some dream? What if it's, like, you know, a witch dream?","Bonnie: It's just stress. I'll figure it out. What about Stefan?","Elena: He betrayed us, Bonnie. The Stefan that we know is gone","Bonnie: How is Damon handling that?","Elena: Damon is... Damon","(Damon is at the bar with Alaric. He has a lot of bottles with him. Alaric is grading papers)","Damon: Uh, you have your choice... Bloody Mary, screwdriver. Brunch in a bottle","(He drinks alcohol and then a sip of orange juice from the jar)","Damon: Come on, Ric. I can't drink all this by myself. I mean, I can, but then somebody's getting naked","(He looks at the bartender)","Damon: Oh, man. I can't believe you're making me drink alone","Alaric: I'm busy","Damon: It's the eve of Klausageddon. You're doing homework?","Alaric: This may come as a shock, but I am not here to hang out with you. I'm here to see Jeremy, who is an hour late for his shift","Damon: Kids today. Where are their values?","(Alaric shows him Jeremy's paper. He has a F)","Alaric: That's his midterm paper. Copied it straight off the internet. Didn't even try to hide it","Damon: Ooh. Somebody's getting grounded","(The bartender stops by them)","Bartender: Did you say you were waiting for Jeremy... As in Jeremy Gilbert?","Alaric: Yeah","Bartender: Yeah. He was fired last week","Damon: Oops","(Alaric turns himself and looks at Elena)","[The Woods]","(Jeremy is with Tyler. Jeremy has a crossbow in hands and shoots on a can)","Tyler: Nice shot","Jeremy: So what's the point of this, again?","Tyler: The point is I'm pissed at Caroline, and Bonnie dumped your ass. The point... Is to get drunk and shoot stuff","Jeremy: Profound. If Alaric finds out I took this, he's going to use it on me","Tyler: So, what's the deal with that? He's, like, your guardian now?","Jeremy: Sort of, yeah. I think he feels responsible for us","Tyler: You like him?","Jeremy: Yeah. Yeah. I like him","(He raises the crossbaw to shoot on another can but Tyler is on the middle of the way)","Jeremy: Hey, you want to move out of the way?","Tyler: I'm a hybrid, Gilbert. You can't kill me unless you cut off my head or rip out my heart. And you're not going to do it with that lame-ass crossbow. Go ahead. Take a shot. Unless you don't think you can hit me","(Jeremy aims the head and shot. Tyler catches the arrow with his hand and smile)","[Mystic Grill]","(Damon is playing darts. Elena's with him and on the phone. She leaves a message to Jeremy)","Elena: Jeremy, the minute that you get this, call me","(She hangs up)","Damon: You're feisty when you're mad","Elena: It's not that I'm mad. I'm just... I'm worried","Damon: Why? I think he'll survive, Elena","Elena: He's spiraling. Ever since Bonnie broke up with him, he's moody. He's not really talking to anyone","Damon: Just a typical teenager","Elena: Who's seeing ghosts and who's lost everyone that he cares about","Damon: Not everyone. He still has you","Elena: Are you ok?","Damon: What makes you think I'm not ok?","Elena: Well, you're a day drunk. It's not exactly your most attractive look","(He gets closer to her)","Damon: Oh. What is my most attractive look?","Elena: Uh-uh. I'm not saying you have any attractive look. I'm just... Saying this is my least favorite one","Damon: Noted. See if I can make any improvements","Klaus: Don't mind me","(They turn themselves. Klaus is here with a man)","Elena: Klaus","(He smiles)","Damon: You going to do this in the grill, in front of everyone? It's a little beneath you, don't you think?","Klaus: I don't know what you're talking about. I just came down to my local pub to grab a drink with a mate. Get a round, then, would you, Tony?","(Elena recognizes Tony. He's the man who was running behind her earlier. Tony leaves. Klaus looks at Elena and smiles)","Damon: I'm surprised you stuck around town. Long enough for happy hour","Klaus: My sister seems to be missing. Need to sort that out","Damon: Cute, blonde bombshell, psycho. Shouldn't be too hard to find","Klaus: Truth is, I've grown to rather like your little town. Thinking I might fancy a home here. I imagine you're wondering how does this affect you. And the answer is, not in the slightest. As long as I get what I want, and everyone behaves themselves, you can go on living your little lives however you choose. You have my word","Elena: What more could you possibly want?","Klaus: Well, for starters, you can tell me where I might find Stefan","Damon: Stefan skipped town the second he saved your ass","Klaus: Well, you see, that is a shame. Your brother stole from me. I need him found so I can take back what's mine","Elena: That sounds like a Klaus and Stefan problem","(He gets closer to her but Damon puts himself in front of her. Klaus looks at him and smiles)","Klaus: Well, this is me broadening the scope, sweetheart","[Abandonned witch House]","(Bonnie arrives in front of the house and enters. She reproduces her dream and goes downstairs but unlike in her dream, the coffins aren't here)","Stefan: Hello, Bonnie","(She turns herself and sees him)","Bonnie: Stefan. You followed me here?","Stefan: Yeah. It wasn't too hard. You should probably be more careful","Bonnie: What do you want with me?","Stefan: Relax. I just need your help","Bonnie: Why would I help you? Elena said you saved Klaus's life","Stefan: Let me fill you in on a little secret about Klaus. He kept his family with him at all times, Daggered, stored in coffins. And now, I have them. And I need you to help keep them hidden","Bonnie: You're out of your mind. You're just going to make him angrier","Stefan: His family is his one weakness. As long as I have that, I can ruin him","Bonnie: I don't have enough power to hide 4 originals","Stefan: You're a witch. You hate Klaus. I know you can figure something out","[Gilbert's House]","(Alaric and Elena are in the kitchen. He's cooking and she's setting the table)","Alaric: You ready?","Elena: Vampires, hybrids, and originals. No problem. My rebellious brother... I'm worried","Alaric: Proof you're still human","(Jeremy arrives)","Elena: Just in time. We're cooking","Jeremy: Sorry. Just passing through","Alaric: Aww. Well, I thought we'd all stay in, Have a meal together like a typical atypical family","Jeremy: Why?","Elena: Maybe because you got fired. And you didn't tell anyone","Jeremy: Look, can we do this later? I made plans with Tyler. He's right outside","Alaric : Wait. When did you start hanging out with Tyler Lockwood?","Jeremy: I don't know. Does it matter?","Elena: Yeah, Jeremy, it matters. He was sired by Klaus. He's dangerous","Jeremy: He can still hear you. He's right outside. Besides, you of all people are going to lecture me on who I can and can't hang out with","Elena: What is with the attitude?","Jeremy: Whatever. This is lame. Tyler's waiting","Elena: No. Oh, no, no. You're not going anywhere, especially not with Tyler","(Jeremy looks at Alaric)","Alaric: I'm with her on this, Jer. Sorry","Jeremy: All right. Fine. You want me to stay in? Let's all stay in, then. Yo, Tyler, come on in","Elena: Jeremy...","(Tyler enters. Jeremy looks at Elena, smiling)","[Salvatore's House]","(Damon is pouring himself a glass of scotch. He senses something and turns himself. Klaus is here)","Klaus: I think it's about time we had a drink, don't you?","Damon: I'd say we're overdue","Klaus: Well, you've been so busy, what with all your plotting and scheming","Damon: You know me... Never miss a chance to plan an epic failure","Klaus: Don't be so hard on yourself. Who could have guessed your own brother would betray you?","Damon: Well, I did have a front row seat when your sister lied to you","Klaus: Yeah, well, she's fickle, that one. And you say you have no idea of her whereabouts?","Damon: That's the thing with younger siblings. You just... never know what they're going to do","(He smiles and drinks)","Damon: Drink?","[Gilbert's House]","(Jeremy gives a glass to Tyler. Alaric and Elena are watching)","Tyler: Thanks","Elena: This is weird. Klaus has hybrids stalking me, and now, you're just sitting in our kitchen","Tyler: Look, maybe I should go","Jeremy: No, stay. You're not doing anything","Elena: Unless you have to, you know, check in with your hybrid master","Tyler: It's not like that, Elena","(Alaric sits at the table, next to Tyler)","Alaric: Tell me, Tyler... What is the difference. Between being sired and being compelled?","Tyler: Compulsion... That's just mind control, like hypnosis. And being sired is... It's like faith. You do something because you believe it's the right thing","Elena: So, you believe that serving Klaus is the right thing","Tyler: I don't serve him. Klaus released me from a curse that was ruining my life. I owe him for that","Alaric: What if he asked you to... Jump off a bridge?","Tyler: He wouldn't. And even if he did, I'd be fine. I'm a hybrid","Elena: Ok. So what if he asked you to rip your own heart out?","Tyler: Again, he wouldn't","Elena: What if he did?","Tyler: I don't know. Then I'd rip out my heart","(Jeremy is sruprised)","Tyler: You guys sound like Caroline, getting all freaked out over something you don't understand","Elena: You're right, Tyler. I don't understand. Klaus has terrorized every single one of us, and you're just blindly loyal to him","Tyler: You're overthinking it. I can still make my own decisions","(Alaric looks at Elena)","[Salvatore's House]","(Damon gives a glass to Klaus)","Klaus: Cheers, mate","Damon: Down the hatch","Klaus: You know, we've actually got a lot in common, you and I","Damon: Really? Well, yeah. Maybe we can... Bond over our mutual loathing of my brother. Why are you so mad at him? He stole something?","Klaus: My family. The originals. I had them daggered, boxed up, awaiting the day when I saw fit to wake them. And he went in and pinched the bloody lot","Damon: Of course he did. Ah, such a buzz kill, my baby bro. Well, I'd love to find him. Just the trouble is I sure as hell don't work for you","Klaus: You know, your drink stinks of vervain, so I can't compel you. There'd be no point in killing you, because you're actually the one with the most hope of getting me what I need. And yet, it would seem a demonstration is in order. Perhaps I wasn't clear enough when I told you to find Stefan. Oh, well. It seems you people respond best to displays of violence. Why don't you take this as an example of my reach?","(He takes his phone and calls someone)","Klaus: There he is. So, that thing I told you to do. Why don't you go ahead and get on with it?","[Gilbert's House]","(Jeremy hangs up his phone)","Elena: What was that about?","Jeremy: It was nothing","Tyler: I got to go. Um, thanks for the food offer but...","Alaric: Next time","(Tyler leaves. Alaric and Elena goes to the countertop)","Alaric: Well, that was illuminating","Elena: So, Tyler Lockwood is A lunatic who has access to our house","Alaric: I mean, this whole sire bond thing is wild. I don't even think Tyler's fully aware of what ittle reason lies behind what he's saying. It's... it's his weird cult logic","Elena: Well, great. That's a wonderful influence for you, Jer","(They turn themselves but Jeremy has disapeared)","Elena: Jeremy?","(She sees his ring on the plate)","Alaric: That's his ring.","Elena Where'd he go?","(They go outside. Jeremy is standing on the middle of the road)","Elena: Jeremy? What is he doing?","(A car arrives at full speed and races toward him)","Elena: Oh my god!","(Alaric runs toward him)","Alaric: Jeremy!","Elena: Jeremy! Jeremy, move!","(Jeremy doesn't move but Alaric rushes over him and pushes him so the car bumps into Alaric in full speed. He crashes on the car and falls on the road, bleeding. Elena rushes toward him and checks on","Tony: There I go again, bumping into people","(Elena sees that Alaric is wearing his magical ring. Tony leaves. Jeremy gets up and rushes toward Elena and Alaric)","Elena: He's going to be all right. Are you ok?","Jeremy: I don't understand","Elena: Who was that on the phone earlier?","Jeremy: It was Klaus","Elena: You were compelled, Jeremy. We've got to get him inside. Help me","[A property]","(Klaus is inside with Mindy, one of his hybrids. There are renovations in the house and men working everywhere)","Klaus: Compel the men to open up this wall. We need sun. I want a fortress, not a dungeon","(Tyler arrives)","Klaus: There he is. Man of the hour","Tyler: So everything went ok?","Klaus: Tony ran down Alaric instead of Jeremy, but apples, oranges. Message learns the same","Tyler: You said you were sending them a warning","Klaus: And I did... an effective one. Elena's family suffers, she's motivated to get me what I want","Tyler: I didn't think that we'd actually have to kill anyone","Klaus: Tyler, mate. What you're feeling is the remnant of a guilty conscience. I need you to get over it, ok? End of the day, human life here is just a means to an end... Our means to our end. You'd do well to remember that","(He leaves)","[Gilbert's House]","(Alaric is on the couch, still dead. Elena is next to him and Alaric is sitting on the floor. Damon enters)","Damon: How is he?","Elena: He's dead, but he had his ring.Klaus' hybrid hit him. Now we just wait","(Damon looks at at Jeremy)","Damon: Jeremy, why aren't you wearing vervain? Where's your bracelet?","(Jeremy looks at his wrist)","Jeremy: I don't know","Elena: It was Tyler. It had to have been. That's why he was hanging out with you, to get you off the vervain","Damon: Klaus is trying to send us a message. He wants us to find Stefan, who stole his coffins of all his dead family members","Elena: Coffins?","Damon: Yep. So all we have to do is find 4 coffins, and voila, no one else on your family's chritmas list has to die","(Jeremy gets up)","Jeremy: Wait, that's your big plan, to steal back 4 dead originals. so this evil hybrid doesn't kill me. And everyone else we know?","Damon: You got a better idea?","Jeremy: Yeah. Let's get the hell out of here. Pack our bags and go","Elena: Hey, Jeremy, calm down","Jeremy: No. No, I'm not going to calm down, Elena. This happens every time no matter what we do... You get on my case about school and work. Who cares. None of us are going to make it out of this town alive","(He goes upstairs)","Elena: He said he wants his family back","Damon: No. No, I know what you're thinking. The answer's no","Elena: If we give him Rebekah...","Damon: Yeah, then Klaus un-daggers her. First thing she does is kill you. Frying pan, fire. Not an option","Elena: Klaus's coffins. How many did you say there were?","[Bonnie's Bedroom]","(Bonnie's phone rings. She answers. It's Elena)","Bonnie: Elena? Hey","Elena: Klaus is looking for 4 coffins, just like in your dream. I think it's not just stress","Bonnie: Elena, don't get involved. Whatever Klaus wants, stay as far away from it as you can","Elena: Klaus won't let me. Bonnie... He tried to kill Jeremy","Bonnie: What do you want me to do?","Elena: We need to find Stefan. Look, I know that you don't think that your locater spell still works, but we have to at least try","Bonnie: We don't need a locater spell","[Abandonned Witch House]","(Elena and Damon arrive at the house)","Damon: Bonnie said this place lost all its mojo","Elena: The dead witches were angry at her for bringing Jeremy back to life. I guess now they have something they want her to know","Damon: That's why I hate witches. So fickle, passive-aggressive","(They enter the house)","Elena: Stefan?","Damon: Come on, Stef. Olly olly oxen free","(He walks through sunlight but his skin burns. He goes in the shadow)","Damon: Really? Still?","Elena: What?","Damon: The witchy spirits aren't a big fan, and they used their juju to screw with my daylight ring","Elena: Then wait outside","Damon: Elena...","Elena: I'm not leaving until I know if he's here","(Elena goes forward in the house. Damon rushes outside with his speed. Elena goes dowstairs)","Elena: Stefan?","(Stefan appears)","Stefan: Go away. You shouldn't be here, Elena","(Damon listens to them outside)","Elena: Stefan, I need your help. Bonnie said that you would be here","Stefan: Well, Bonnie sucks at keeping secrets","Elena: Listen, you need to give Klaus his family back","Stefan: Oh really? Is that what i need to do?","Elena: Klaus compelled Jeremy to stand in front of a speeding car. Don't you get it? Stefan, he's not going to stop until he gets what he wants...","Stefan: Elena, stop talking. I'm not giving Klaus anything","Elena: Are you listening to me? He's going to kill Jeremy","Stefan: Not really my problem","(She slaps him)","Elena: Then you can go to hell","(She leaves)","(Elena goes out of the house. Damon is waiting)","Damon: That didn't go over well","Elena: Don't even start, Damon","Damon: Let me talk to him","Elena: You can't get in. The witches won't let you","(He gives her keys)","Damon: Here. Take my car keys. You go deal with your brother. I'll deal with mine","(He enter the house but suffers and keeps bumping into walls 'cause his skin burns but he finally arrives downstairs)","Stefan: Wow. That was impressive. But the coffins aren't here, so you can go away now","Damon: I don't care about the coffins. We need to talk","(He gets up but his skin burns. He screams)","Stefan: Ok. Let's talk","Damon: Nothing's ever easy with you, is it?","(He catches him and rushes through the house with him)","(They arrive outside. Damon throws Stefan on the floor. Damon kicks him, takes a branch and stabs him with it. Stefan screams)","Damon: That is for screwing up my plan. You stopped me from killing Klaus, and you steal his family. Why? It doesn't make sense. Answer me!","Stefan: Piece by piece, Klaus took everything from me. I'm doing the same to him","Damon: But I had him, Stefan! Why'd you screw it up?","Stefan: I did it to save you!","(He pushes Damon)","Damon: What? No. No way. You didn't do this for me","Stefan: He was one step ahead of us. If Klaus died, his hybrids would have killed you","Damon: When are you going to get it through your head?","(He stabs Stefan with the branch again)","Damon: Stop saving me","[SCENE_BREAK]","[The Woods]","(Tyler is drinking alcohol. Jeremy arrives behind him with a crossbow)","Tyler: Don't do it, Jeremy","Jeremy: Why not? You stab my back, I stab yours","Tyler: I didn't stab you in the back","Jeremy: Is that why you wanted to hang out, to get me off the vervain?","Tyler: Klaus asked me to. I never thought he would try to kill you","Jeremy: It's Klaus, Tyler. What did you think was going to happen?","Tyler: He doesn't care about you. All he wants is to get his family back","(Tyler shots him but Tyler catches the arrow with his hand)","Tyler: What the hell?!","Jeremy: Whenever Klaus wants something, someone ends up dead. You think about that next time before you blindly do whatever he says","Tyler: Jer, you should get home. Stay inside. Klaus isn't going to stop until he gets all those coffins back. He's not done with you","(Jeremy leaves)","[Gilbert's House]","(Alaric wakes up and gets up. Elena arrives)","Elena: Ric. Hey. When did you return to the living?","Alaric: Oh, just a few minutes ago. How's Jeremy?","Elena: Hating me. Hating life. Hating the fact that we can't even have a family dinner Without somebody dying before dessert. Are you okay?","(He caughs blood)","Elena: Oh my god","Alaric: Something's wrong. The ring","(He falls on the floor)","(Elena opens the door to paramedics)","Paramedic: What happened?","Elena: He got hit by a car, and he's coughing up blood","(They enter and check on him)","Paramedic: Get his vitals. Pulse thready and weak. Looks like internal bleeding. We got to get him out of here. Let's move","(Tony the hybrid arrives and stops at the door 'cause he can't enter)","Tony: Let's not and say we did. Why don't you two meet us at the hospital?","(The paramedics gets up and start leaving)","Elena: What? No. No, no, no. Wait. No, wait. You have to help him","(She looks at Tony)","Elena: What are you doing?","Tony: You can still save his life, Elena. Here. Take my blood. But... I can't get in. You're going to have to invite me","Elena: No. Why are you doing this?","Tony: Klaus asked for his family. You didn't deliver","(Alaric caughs. She rushes over him)","Elena: Ric! Oh, my god, Ric. I'm right here. Hey. Hey, look","Tony: I would invite me in, Elena","(Jeremy arrives and shots him with the crossbow. She gets up)","Elena: Jeremy","Jeremy: He's not dead yet","(He enters the house)","Elena: Where are you going?","(He goes in the kitchen and comes back with a knife)","Elena: What are you doing?","(He cuts Tony's head. She screams and hides her eyes. Blood has splettered on Jeremy's face. She's shocked)","Jeremy: Now he's dead. We've got to get Alaric to the hospital, now","(He drops the knife on the porch and enters the house. Elena is still shocked and about to cry)","[Abandonned Witch House]","(It's nighttime. Damon and Stefan are outside the house)","Damon: You know what I can't figure out? Why save me? Was it brotherly love, guilty conscience, Is the switch on, is the switch off?","Stefan: Do you have somewhere you need to be, Damon?","Damon: Ah, deflection. That's not going to work on me. I invented that","Stefan: We're done. Can't you just go away?","Damon: Not until you tell me why you saved me. You owe me that","Stefan: I don't owe you anything","Damon: Fine. Next question, why did you steal the coffins?","Stefan: Because Klaus's family is one weakness I can use against him","Damon: Use against him to do what? You're not going to kill him. You know how I know this? 'Cause there was only one way to kill him, and you blew that to save me","Stefan: You're wrong, Damon. Klaus doesn't get to just live forever. There's another way. There has to be","Damon: Fair enough. Whatever you're doing, I want in","Stefan: I don't need your help","Damon: Really? Last time I checked, you were hiding out in a haunted house","Stefan: I'm in this alone, Damon","Damon: You go after Klaus, you're going to have to be cutthroat and devious. I'm so much better at that than you. Come on, brother. What do you say? If you're going to keep saving my life, at least make it for a good reason","Stefan: You want in, huh? Ok. But it's just me and you. Elena stays out of it","Damon: Deal","Stefan: Follow me","Damon: Wait. I'm not so... Welcome in there","Stefan: Don't you worry, Damon. We all want the same thing","(Damon and Stefan are downstairs. The room is empty)","Stefan: Have a look","Damon: What? Klaus is allergic to dust?","Stefan: Mmm. Look again","(Damon does and the coffins appear)","Stefan: Witch spirits hate Klaus as much as we do. They're using their powers to hide the coffins","Damon: So if he comes in the house...","Stefan: He won't be able to find them","[Mystic Falls' Hospital]","(Alaric is dressed up and looking at his ring. The doctor enters)","Dr Fell: Mr. Saltzman. What are you doing up? You should be resting","Alaric: Uh, I'm more of a walk-it-off kind of guy. Ahem. Do I need to sign something?","Dr Fell: Internal hemorrhaging, 3 broken ribs, and a severe concussion. I have no idea how you're on your feet right now, but I need to run some more tests","Alaric: Actually, I have someplace I need to be. But thank you, Doctor...","Dr Fell: Fell. But the patients who follow my advice get to call me Meredith","Alaric: Well, I appreciate your help, Dr. Fell","Dr Fell: Mr. Saltzman... What is your secret? Guardian angel, or did you sell your soul to the devil?","Alaric: Little of both","(He leaves)","[Salvatore's House]","(Someone knocks on the door. Elena opens, it's Klaus)","Elena: Thank you for coming","Klaus: I trust you have news of Stefan","Elena: I couldn't find him. But I have something else","(He follows her in the basement and enters the cell with her. Rebekah's here, dead, the dagger in her heart. Klaus looks at her)","Klaus: My poor sister. I can't turn my back on her for a moment","Elena: You have Rebekah. A deal is a deal","Klaus: The life of my sister in exchange for your brother? Yeah, I'd say that's a bargain. Consider him spared","Elena: You should know, I was the one that daggered her. When she wakes, she'll come after me","Klaus: I can control Rebekah. Besides, I still need your help finding Stefan","Elena: I told you, I don't know where he is","(He removes the dagger from Rebekah)","Klaus: You're lying. Fortunately, you have no shortage of loved ones. If I don't find my family, the question you should be asking yourself is, who's going to die next? Bonnie? Caroline? Damon? It's only a matter of time before Stefan gives me what I want","Elena: He doesn't care about me any more. You made sure of that. You turned him into a monster. Now he's your problem. And just so you know, I'm not the only one Rebekah wants dead. She knows what you did to your mother. She knows that you killed her. You can let yourself out","(She looks at him and leaves. He seems devastated)","[Mystic Falls' Hospital]","(Alaric and Jeremy are outside)","Jeremy: So the ring brought you back to life, but it didn't heal you. Does that mean it's broken?","Alaric: I don't know. It's never happened like that before. I guess I have Damon's blood to thank. For the fact that I'm still walking","Jeremy: He said to say you owe him a drink","Alaric: That's funny. I'd rather have head trauma. Hey, Jeremy... You ok?","Jeremy: Why wouldn't I be? I shot a hybrid in the back and chopped his head off with a meat cleaver. Typical sunday, uh?","Alaric: You can talk to me about this stuff. You know that, right?","Jeremy: What could you tell me that I don't already know? This is the way things are. It sucks, but I just got to get used to it","[Gilbert's House]","(Elena is clining a towell in the sink. The sink and her hands are full of blood. Damon arrives)","Elena: Did you get rid of him?","Damon: Yeah. Tony the headless hybrid's. now at the bottom of Steven's quarry","Elena: What about Alaric?","Damon: Took care of him, too. He'll be fine. How are you?","Elena: I think I got most of the blood off the porch","Damon: Elena. Look at me","(She turns herself)","Damon: It's going to be ok","Elena: I have to tell you something. I made a deal with Klaus. I gave him Rebekah","Damon: What? No, no. No. You did not do that. She's going to come here and try and kill you","Elena: No, she won't. Klaus won't let her because he needs me","Damon: And suddenly, you trust him?","Elena: No, I don't trust him. But what other choice do I have? I don't trust Stefan. Do you think he's just going to give up the coffins?","Damon: My brother's... Sort of running his own show right now","Elena: Yeah. My brother just chopped off someone's head. It's not right. It's not fair. He's 16 years old. He shouldn't have to live like this","Damon: Elena...","Elena: There has to be another way. I have to fix it","Damon: We will. Hey. Hey. Hey","(He takes her face in his hands)","Damon: We will. Ok?","[A property]","(Rebekah's laying on a table. She hasn't woken up yet)","Klaus: Here we are, Rebekah. Home, sweet home. Only took 1,000 years. And to think, I was counting on you being here with me. But that's all ruined now, isn't it?","(Her fingers move. She's waking up)","Klaus: I'm so sorry. Sister. We'll meet again one day","(He touches her face and puts the dagger in her heart again)","[Gilbert's House]","(Elena and Alaric enter Jeremy's bedroom)","Elena: Hey. Can we talk?","Jeremy: What did I do now?","Elena: I've been thinking about what you said earlier, about how we should pack up and go","Jeremy: Elena, I didn't mean any of that","Elena: But you were right. You shouldn't have to give up a normal life. Just because of me","(Damon enters)","Jeremy: What's going on?","Damon: Your sister thinks we should have another one of our talks","(He sits next to Jeremy. Jeremy doesn't look at him firt but then he does and Damon compels him)","Damon: Here's the thing, Jeremy. You're going to go out of town for a little while. A long while. You're going to stay with some nice family friends in Denver. You're going to be in a new school and meet new girls... Living girls. You're going to drink a few beers, take an art class. You can do whatever you want","Alaric: Tell him he's going to leave mystic falls behind and never think twice about it","(Damon looks at Elena. She nods. He looks back at Jeremy)","Damon: You're going to leave mystic falls behind and never think twice about it. You're going to have a better life, Jeremy","(Elena is crying)","[Abandonned Witch House]","(Stefan and Bonnie are downstairs, looking at the coffins. Bonnie sees the one Klaus was in in her dream and gets closer to it)","Bonnie: This is the one I dreamed of","(She tries to open it)","Stefan: Don't bother. It won't open","Bonnie: What do you mean, is it locked?","Stefan: Nope. It just won't open. I've tried everything... Blow torch, ax, crowbar. I can't even scratch the finish","Bonnie: That means it's closed with a spell","Stefan: You mean whatever's in there should probably stay in there","Bonnie: You said you wanted to make him suffer. The witches led me here for a reason. I think whatever's inside this coffin is our answer","[Gilbert's House]","(Damon and Elena go outside and stay on the porch)","Elena: I feel like a horrible person","Damon: You just saved his life, Elena. Take it from me... Estranged is bad. Dead is worse","Elena: Just can't stop thinking about what happened. The last time I asked you to compel him","Damon: He found out, and he got over it. Again, not dead, Elena. He's so lucky to have you for a sister","Elena: Thank you","Damon: No problem","Elena: Not just for this, Damon. For everything. I don't know what I would do if you weren't here","Damon: You should know this, Elena. Stefan didn't screw us over. He screwed us over, but he had a good reason","Elena: What?","Damon: He saved Klaus to save me. Then he stole the coffins to get even","Elena: Damon, if he did it to protect you, then... Why would he even do that? I mean... Oh, what does it even mean?","Damon: What does it mean? It means I'm an idiot. 'Cause I thought for one second that I wouldn't have to feel guilty any more","Elena: What are you talking about, guilty for what?","Damon: For wanting what I want","Elena: Damon...","Damon: No, I know. Believe me, I get it. My brother's girl and all","(He leaves but then stops)","Damon: No. No. You know what? If I'm going to feel guilty about something, I'm going to feel guilty about this","(He gets closer to her and kisses her. They kiss. She puts her hand in one of his. He smiles)","Damon: Good night","(He leaves. She seems confused)"],"Show Title":"The Vampire Diaries","Episode Number":"03x10","Episode Title":"The New Deal","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Vampire_Diaries_03x20.json","Recap":["Alaric finds an unexpected ally, Esther, to guide him on his dangerous new path of killing vampires, while Damon and Meredith try to figure out what their next move should be to bring the real Alaric back from his alter-ego form. At the school's 1920s Decade Dance, Bonnie asks Jamie to go with her, and, at Caroline's suggestion, Elena asks Stefan to be her date. Caroline is pleasantly surprised when Tyler shows up at the dance determined to sweep her off her feet, but Klaus does his best to come between them and tells her that he believes Caroline will eventually come to him, even if she is not ready at the moment to let go of her \"small town boy [and her] small town life\" because he knows that eventually \"it won't be enough\" for her. The dance takes a deadly turn when Damon and Stefan realize they need the help of Matt and Jeremy to protect Elena because the two Salvatore brothers are immobilized on one side of a boundary Esther created. They asked Bonnie to undo the spell that could prove devastating for everyone. Finally, Esther turns Alaric into an Original vampire to kill Klaus and other Originals. Esther also uses Alaric's ring to render the last White Oak stake indestructible so that it can be used multiple times on all the Originals. However, the real Alaric kills Esther and decides not to complete the transition. Stefan, Elena, Damon, Jeremy, Meredith, Bonnie, Caroline, Matt and Tyler mourn Alaric's last moments before he isolates himself to die. Elena finds comfort with Stefan, while Damon stays with Alaric until his last breath. Alaric seems to have died, but Esther compels Bonnie to give Alaric some blood to complete the transition to an Original."],"Transcript":["[Klaus Mansion]","(Klaus is painting. Rebekah arrives)","Klaus: What took you so long?","Rebekah: Alaric didn't want to hand over the stake. Luckily I'm quite the charmer","(She shows it to him)","Klaus: That's it?","Rebekah: Last of the white oak stakes that can kill us. Do you want to do the honors, or shall I?","(He takes it and throws it in the fireplace)","Rebekah: Well, that's that, then","Klaus: Pack your bags. We're leaving","Rebekah: Today?","Klaus: Why not? There's nothing keeping us here. We'll grab the doppelganger and be off by sunset","Rebekah: But tonight's the decade dance","Klaus: So?","Rebekah: So I'm head of the committee. We have to go","Klaus: I'm not going to any dance","Rebekah: Caroline will be there","Klaus: That means nothing to me","Rebekah: Please? I have big plans for tonight. Just go for me","Klaus: Ok, fine. One last hurrah","Rebekah: One last hurrah, Nik","(They smile)","[Salvatore's House]","(Damon is on the phone with Alaric)","Damon: Where have you been? I've been calling you all day","Alaric: Yeah, sorry about that. I just needed to get my head together","Damon: So I take it Rebekah got the stake","Alaric: I don't know. I woke up alone. There's no sign of it","Damon: Lovely. What now?","Alaric: Well, I think I need to get out of town, You know, somewhere secluded. I keep blacking out, which means I'm still a threat to everyone","Damon: I don't know if right now is the best time for you to be going on a spirit quest, Ric","Alaric: Ah, it's just for a couple days. I'm stocked up on Bonnie's herb, so I should be fine. I got to go","(He hangs up)","[Klaus' mansion]","(Alaric is there, with \"Rebekah\" whose body is occupied by Esther. he has a vial of white oak ashes and a dagger)","Rebekah\/Esther: Quite the cunning liar","Alaric: Well, Damon's too arrogant to think his only friend would betray him","Rebekah\/Esther: Just as Niklaus would blindly accept an invitation from his beloved sister, unaware that he is headed to his own death","(She dips the dagger in the vial)","Alaric: Did you give him the stake?","Rebekah\/Esther: He burned it without hesitation","Alaric: So where is the real one?","Rebekah\/Esther: You'll get it when it can no longer be used against me in this body","(She opens a coffin. Esther's body is in it)","Alaric: So how do you...","Rebekah\/Esther: How do I return to my true form? With a little magic and some help from a vampire hunter","(She hands him the dagger. He takes it and drives it through her heart. She collapses on the floor, dead. He looks at her and then looks at Esther. She wakes up)","[Mystic Falls High School]","(Caroline is with Elena in the gymnasium. Everyone is busy preparing the decade dance)","Caroline: So Alaric is trying to pull out something together? Why is that a bad thing?","Elena: Just I wish there was something I could do","(She takes a chandelier)","Elena: Where do you want me to hang this thing?","Caroline: You know what? If Rebekah wanted to hang this monstrosity, she should have shown up to do it herself","(She takes it and gives it to someone)","Caroline: Just no","(Elena laughs. She looks at Matt and Jeremy, hanging decorations)","Caroline: What are you doing? You can't just hang them. They're supposed to trickle down","(Elena smiles. Matt looks at Jeremy)","Caroline: Look at them all bromancey","Elena: Yeah, I asked Matt to help Jeremy readjust. He got him his old job back at the grill","Caroline: That was nice of him","Elena: Mm-hmm. Jeremy's got a lot on his mind. The whole thing with Alaric has got him really stressed out","Caroline: You sure it had nothing to do with witnessing you and Damon getting hot and heavy in a skeevy motel?","Elena: I didn't tell you that so you could torture me with it","Caroline: Ah, what are friends for? So who you bringing to the dance?","Elena: What do you mean? I thought you, Bonnie, and I were going as girl dates","Caroline: Bonnie has a date","Elena: What?","Caroline: Jamie called And wanted to see her, so she asked him. So here's a thought. Why don't you ask Stefan?","Elena: I... I can't ask him on a date. I just made out with his brother","Caroline: All the more reason. Like, you're supposed to be figuring out what you want. That's what Stefan wanted you to do, right?","Elena: Yeah, but...","Caroline: But nothing. I've watched \"The Bachelor\". Ok, fair is fair. It is Stefan's turn","Elena: Yeah, and you're not biased or anything","Caroline: I'm sorry, but Stefan is your epic love. And I'm not going down without a fight","[Salvatore's House]","(Stefan's phone rings. He answers. It's Elena)","Stefan: Hey","Elena: Hey. Do do you have a second?","Stefan: Yeah. Everything all right?","Elena: Yeah. Yeah, I just, um I wanted to, uh... Caroline and I were talking about going to the dance, and, um... Ok, look, I know where we're at, you and I, and I know it would be stupid to even think that we could go back to the way things were, but I'm going to the dance, and I'd like to go with you","Stefan: Um... I'd love that","Elena: Ok, great. Bye","(She hangs up. Stefan smiles. Damon is here)","Damon: I'm thinking gardenia corsage. Wrist, obviously. You don't want to accidentally stab her in the chest with a pin. That could get messy","Stefan: Damon, I...","(Damon looks at him and leaves the room)","[Mystic Falls Hospital]","(Meredith is in the hallway. She hears her name being whispered. When she turns, Damon's here, smiling)","Meredith: Don't do that. It's not funny","Damon: Oh, come on. It's a little funny","Meredith: What do you want, Damon?","Damon: I need medical advice for a friend, Alaric. You remember him, right? About 6'2\", tried to hack you into pieces","Meredith: How is he?Are those herbs that Bonnie made for him working?","Damon: I don't know. Can they work if he doesn't take them?","(He shows her a pot full of herbs)","Damon: I found these in his loft untouched","[Mystic Falls Cemetery. Salvatore's Crypt]","(Esther and Alaric arrive at the crypt)","Alaric: Why are we here?","Esther: Long ago on this spot, My son tore my heart from my chest. The violence of my death marked this ground for all time","(They enter the crypt. There's a gobelet. They stop in front of it)","Esther: I'll need your ring","Alaric: Now, why would I give you the one thing that protects me from death?","Esther: I will give you all the protection you need. However, the stake will burn up in the body of its first victim. If you are to kill all of my children, I will need to bind the protective magic in your ring to the stake, thus rendering the white oak indestructible","(She raises her hand and he gives her his ring. She puts it in the gobelet and starts casting a spell. Fire rises from the gobelet. The ring melts. She takes the stake and stirs the melted metal from the ring with it. She raises the stake and the melted metal spreads on the stake.)","Esther: The ultimate weapon... for the ultimate hunter","(He looks at the stake)","[Gilbert's House]","(Elena is all dressed up for the 20's dance. The door bell rings. She opens the door. It's Stefan)","Elena: Wow. You look very dapper","Stefan: You look, uh... very beautiful. Here. I, uh... I got something for you","(He shows her a flower and puts it on her dress)","Elena: Thank you","Stefan: So given our dangerous dance karma... You sure you're up for this?","Elena: Getting out of bed is dangerous these days, but we have to live our lives","Stefan: Who gave you that horrible advice?","Elena: Some guy I used to date said it once or twice","Stefan: Right","(She takes her jacket)","Elena: Shall we?","Stefan: Please","(She smiles)","[Mystic Falls High School]","(Everyone is in the gymnasium, all dressed up and dancing. Bonnie is dancing with Jamie. Caroline rejoins Matt)","Caroline: Have I told you how amazingly awesome you are?","Matt: Yeah, I am one of the good ones. I know. Why the compliments? What else do you want?","Caroline: I know that you and Elena have been getting closer lately","Matt: And your point is?","Caroline: One way or the other, she's pretty much spoken for","Matt: Elena's my friend, Caroline. I'm just looking out for her","Caroline: And I'm just looking out for you, because sometimes the people who love her get caught in the crossfire","(Matt raises his head. Tyler's here, shaking hands with various people)","Matt: What's he doing here?","(Caroline turns herself and sees him. She rejoins him)","Caroline: Are you crazy? If Klaus sees you...","Tyler: What's he gonna do? Draw you another picture?","Caroline: Tyler, this isn't a joke","Tyler: I could pretend I'm sired if I have to. But I'm not gonna hide while he's macking all over you","Caroline: Tyler... You do not need to be jealous of Klaus","Tyler: I am jealous, But I'm also competitive, So hang on. I'm about to sweep you off your feet","(He carries her and they turn. She smiles)","(Stefan and Elena arrive)","Elena: Teach me some moves","Stefan: Oh, no, no, no, no. I, uh... I blacked out for most of this decade, remember?","Elena: Nice try","(She takes him by the arm and leads him to the dancefloor. They dance but the song ends and a slow begins. He raises his hand, she takes it and hey dance)","Stefan: Bonnie seems happy","Elena: She's working on it","Stefan: I've been meaning to talk to her, apologize","Elena: Yeah, you should. Although I wouldn't expect her to forgive you or Damon. Listen, Stefan, about Damon, We should probably talk about the trip to Denver","Stefan: I don't need to know, Elena. When all this is over, if you and I find our way back to each other, You can tell me if you want to. Otherwise, I don't need to know. I don't want to know","Elena: How can you be so fair about this?","Stefan: Because after everything I've put you through... I'm just honored to be your date tonight","(They look at each other and dance. He makes her turn. Damon's here. Stefan looks at him and Elena turns herself)","Damon: We three need to talk","(Jeremy watches them leave the gymnasium. He runs into Jamie)","Jeremy: Sorry. Uh. Hey. Bonnie","(He looks at them)","Bonnie: Why are you still wearing your ring? Didn't Elena tell you?","Jeremy: Yeah, yeah, I know all about Alaric. When my sister stops hanging out with vampires, I'll take it off","(He leaves. They watch him leave)","Jamie: Uh, ex-boyfriend?","Bonnie: Yep","Jamie: That's not awkward at all","(Stefan, Damon and Elena are in the hallway)","Elena: If Alaric's sick, then we need to find a cure, something","Damon: We tried medicine. We tried magic","Stefan: Why don't we get him off vervain, compel him?","Damon: To do what, pretend to be Alaric? The guy that we know is gone. We're talking about someone who not only hates vampires, but vampire sympathizers, which makes one of his most obvious targets I don't know you, you?","(He looks at Elena)","Stefan: What? You think he'd go after Elena?","Elena: So wait. What are you suggesting we do?","Damon: I'm suggesting that we put him out of his misery","Elena: What?","(Jeremy arrives)","Jeremy: No way in hell","(They look at him)","Damon: Oh, come on. It's what he would want. It's a mercy killing","Jeremy: You are out of your mind","Elena: Jeremy","(He leaves. She looks at Damon and leaves. Stefan looks at his brother)","(Elena goes after Jeremy outside)","Elena: Jer, stop!","Jeremy: This is Alaric we're talking about. You know, he looked out for us, And we need to do the same for him","Elena: No one's gonna hurt him","(He starts to leave. She stops him)","Elena: Hey. Hey. Look at me. I promise","(Esther arrives)","Esther: Elena","(She turns herself)","Esther: If you wish to help your friend Alaric, I suggest you come with me","Elena: Jeremy, go inside and get Stefan and Damon now","(He leaves)","Esther: I mean you no harm, but willingly or not, You will come","(She leaves. Elena follows her. Jeremy comes back with Stefan and Damon but they're stopped by an invisile barrier. Only Jeremy can leave. They look at the ground. There's something on the floor)","Stefan: Salt. It's the binding agent for a spell","Damon: We're trapped here","(Bonnie and Jamie are in a classroom)","Bonnie: You had all kinds of moves out there","Jamie: Yeah? I mean, I was just, you know, Trying to make a good impression","Bonnie: Well, consider me impressed","Jamie: Your friends seem pretty cool","Bonnie: Yeah. They're the most important thing in the world to me","Jamie: Though you gotta admit, This whole circle of people, it's kind of crazy. I mean, there's vampires, werewolves, Ex-boyfriends with magic rings. I mean... I'm just a normal guy","Bonnie: A normal guy wouldn't have said yes to a date with me","Jamie: Yeah, that's true","(She kisses him then they look at each other and they kiss again but Damon enters and puts the light on, interrupting them)","Damon: Sorry to spoil your 7 minutes in heaven. We have a problem","[Mystic Falls Cemetery. Salvatore Crypt]","(Esther and Elena arrive at the crypt)","Esther: You'll forgive me for taking you from the dance this evening. That's the burden of being the doppelganger, I'm afraid your blood is a potent binding agent for a witch's spell.","Elena: Just please don't hurt Alaric","(Alaric comes out)","Alaric: She's not hurting me","Elena: Ric. What's going on? What are you doing with him?","Esther: I'm going to remake him","Elena: Remake him?","Esther: Make him strong, fast, Like my children, Indestructible. For one final time, I'm going to tap into the dark magic I used a thousand years ago. Like my husband Mikael before him, I will make Alaric into a true hunter, the vampire to end all vampires","Elena: You can't create another original. What if he turns out to be an even bigger monster than your children?","Esther: He won't, Now that he's embraced his darkest aspect his hatred for them will become more pure and uncompromising. In death, that hatred will be magnified","Elena: You don't know that. You don't know anything about him","Esther: That is where you're wrong. Each time he died with that ring, during his brief journey into death, I was there on the other side. I spoke to him. I nurtured him, knowing that every death brought him closer to his true self. Vampires took everything from him. Now he's getting his vengeance.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[Mystic Falls High School]","(Caroline and Tyler are dancing. Klaus is there, looking at them. Tyler senses something)","Caroline: What is it?","(She turns herself and sees Klaus. He rejoins them)","Klaus: Where have you been, mate?","Tyler: I just got back in town","Klaus: That's funny. I don't recall giving you permission to leave in the first place. You don't mind if I cut in, do you?","Caroline: Yes, actually, we do","(Klaus looks at Tyler)","Tyler: No. It's fine","Caroline: Why do you always have to prove you're the alpha male?","Klaus: I don't have to prove anything, love. I am the alpha male. Come on. One Dance. I won't bite","(He raises his hand. She looks at Tyler and then takes it. He smiles, takes her to the dance floor and makes her turn. They starts dancing)","Klaus: You would have loved the 1920s, Caroline. Girls were reckless, sexy, fun. They literally used to dance until they dropped","Caroline: Heh. I don't suppose that ever happened to their dance partners","Klaus: You should be nicer to me. I'm leaving town tomorrow. I'd invite you to come with me, but we both know you're not ready to accept my offer. Perhaps one day, in a year or even a century, You'll show up at my door and let me show you what the world has to offer.","(They stop dancing)","Klaus: You mark my words. Small-town boy, small-town life, it won't be enough for you","(He leaves. She looks at him leaving)","(Klaus is outside on the phone)","Klaus: Rebekah, call me back immediately. I only came to this ridiculous dance because you begged me to, and now you're nowhere to be found","(He sees the salt on the floor)","Klaus: What is this?","Stefan: Your mother's back","(Bonnie, Jeremy, Jamie, Damon, Stefan and Klaus are in the cafeteria. She's casting a spell)","Jamie: She does this all the time, right?","Klaus: What's taking so long? All boundary spells have a loophole","(Matt enters)","Matt: People are walking right out of the dance, past the barrier","Jeremy: Well, if Matt and I can leave, we could stop Esther ourselves. We just gotta find out where she is","Stefan: Suicide, Jeremy","(Klaus rushes toward Jamie and strangles him)","Klaus: Suicide would be disappointing me. Now work your magic, witch, or I'll start killing people you fancy","Bonnie: Let him go","Klaus: Not until you get us out of here","Stefan: Ah, don't be stupid, Klaus. Bonnie doesn't give a damn about us. The only reason she's helping right now is to save Caroline and Tyler. If you start killing the people she cares about, she'll tell us all to go to hell","(Klaus finally releases Jamie)","[Mystic Falls Cemetery. Salvatore Crypt]","(Esther is lighting candles. Elena looks at Alaric)","Elena: Ric, this isn't what you want. It's not who you are","Alaric: You don't know who I am, Elena. You only know the weakest parts of me, a man who lost his way, befriending vampires instead of killing them","Elena: You don't mean that","Alaric: They're all monsters. The blood of their victims is on my hands, Jenna's blood is on my hands","(Esther rejoins them and looks at Alaric)","Esther: When you are ready","Elena: No, Ric, please don't. Don't do this","(He takes Esther hands. Their hands are above the goblet)","Elena: I won't help you. I'm not gonna give you my blood. You're gonna have to kill me","Esther: That won't be necessary","(She closes her fist. Elena can't breathe. He pulse accelerates. A cut appears in her hand. She bleeds. Esther catches her wrist and makes the blood poor in the gobelet. She releases her. Elena looks at her hand)","Esther: Drink and let it be done","Elena: No, Ric, please don't","(He takes the goblet and drinks)","Elena: no","(He drinks it all. Elena is shocked)","Alaric: Is it finished?","Esther: Not just yet","(She stabs him)","[Mystic Falls High School]","(Bonnie takes a map from the wall and puts it on the table. She looks at it. Damon and Klaus arrive. Damon gives her a vial containing Jeremy's blood)","Damon: Here. Jeremy made a little gilbert blood donation for your locater spell","Bonnie: I have to do this with you two lurking over me?","Damon: You're still mad at me for what happened to Abby. Let me apologize. I'm sorry Elijah forced us to turn your mother into a vampire to save Elena's life. Didn't exactly have a choice","Bonnie: There's always a choice. Whenever you make one, someone else suffers","Klaus: Let's cut the dramatics and begin, shall we?","(She takes the vials and pours the blood on the map. Then she cast a spell but the blood doesn't move)","Bonnie: Esther's fighting me","Klaus: Esther couldn't possibly have this much power. No, she's channeling something.","Bonnie: A hotspot","Klaus: Get the humans ready. I know where she is","(Stefan is with Caroline and Tyler in the gym)","Stefan: They're at the old cemetery. Jeremy and Matt are headed there right now","Caroline: You let them go? They're gonna get themselves killed","Stefan: We didn't have a choice, Caroline. We're useless right now stuck in here","Caroline: Hey, she'll be fine. Elena always manages to find her way through this stuff","Stefan: Yeah, well, I'm just as worried about what Esther's up to. She led Klaus here for a reason. If she succeeds in whatever she's doing...","Tyler: Klaus could get killed...And I die along with him","Stefan: No one's gonna die, ok? Bonnie's still looking for a way around the boundary spell. It's not too late","(He leaves. Caroline looks at Tyler)","Caroline: So best-case scenario, Bonnie gets us out of here, Klaus hauls ass to Timbuktu, And you and i, we're home free","Tyler: Or we let Esther come and kill him","Caroline: That's not a best-case scenario. That's not even a remotely acceptable scenario","Tyler: It would be an option if we knew he wasn't the one who turned your bloodline. You'd be safe. At least he'd be gone","Caroline: How could you say that?","Tyler: Because I'm angry. Because I hate him. I should have never let him dance with you","Caroline: What were you're supposed to do? He can't know that you're not sired anymore. Tyler, it doesn't matter How many times I dance with him. I love you","(She touches his face and kisses him)","[Mystic Falls' Cemetery. Salvatore's crypt]","(Alaric is dead, lying on the floor. Elena is kneeled beside him and removes the knife from his chest. She's in shock)","Esther: He'll wake soon. When he does, he may for a time be his old self. If so, you can say your good-byes before his transition is complete","Elena: You said you wanted to undo the evil that you created, but this this is just as evil","Esther: Alaric will never be what my children became. I have granted him enough power to complete his task. Then when the time is right, he will die","Elena: How, if he's immortal?","Esther: All you need to know is that when this is over, we will have rid the earth of vampires once and for all","Elena: Yeah, but you'll be killing the good along with the bad. You're no better than Klaus","Esther: Am I not? I desire a world where you and your loved ones will not suffer at the hands of vampires, like your aunt Jenna did","Elena: Don't you dare use Jenna as an excuse for what you've done","Esther: You may draw comfort knowing that your aunt is not in the place that I was. She doesn't know the torment of the other side. Though made a vampire, she remained pure, and she knows peace... which is all any of us can hope for","(They hear noise outside. Esther goes out. Matt emerges with a gun)","Matt: Don't move","(Jeremy is there too with a crossbow)","Jeremy: Where is Elena?","(Elena goes out)","Elena: Jeremy?!","Jeremy: Let her go","Esther: How foolish of you to risk your lives in defense of those who will kill you. But if that is your choice...","(She raises her hands. Their weapons turn against each other)","Jeremy: Matt. Matt, drop your gun!","Matt: I can't. I'm not controlling it","Elena: Esther, stop it!","(Alaric arrives behind her and kills her. He looks at Elena's wrist)","Alaric: Oh god. Where's my ring? Tell me what happened","[Mystic Falls' high school]","(Klaus and Stefan are outside the gym)","Klaus: You know, this is your fault. You set us on this path when you released my mother. I wonder if revenge will prove worth the cost","Stefan: As far as Esther, we've stopped her before, we'll stop her again","Klaus: We are strange bedfellows, you and I. You know, all of this reminds me of our time together in the twenties","Stefan: You say that like I'm supposed to have happy memories about it","Klaus: Well, there were moments, real friendship, brotherhood","(Damon arrives)","Damon: Oh, he already has a brother. Not to be, you know, territorial or anything","Klaus: Oh, no, of course. The Salvatore's and their unshakeable bond. I wonder what'll happen when Elena finally makes her choice. Will we see you shake just a little bit?","(He smiles. Bonnie comes out)","Bonnie: It's done. Esther's not fighting me anymore. The boundary spell is broken","(Klaus leaves)","Stefan: Thank you, Bonnie. For everything","Bonnie: I didn't do it for you","(She leaves)","[Mystic Falls Cemetery. Salvatore's crypt]","(Elena is with Alaric. Jeremy comes in)","Jeremy: Damon's here, and Klaus took Esther's body","Alaric: Does he know about the stake?","Jeremy: No, only that she tried to turn you into a weapon and failed","(Elena and Alaric look at each other)","Jeremy: What's going on?","Alaric: Listen, Jeremy... I'm not gonna complete the transition. My dark side was dangerous enough as a human. I can't be a vampire","Jeremy: So, what, we're just gonna lock you in here and let you die?","(Elena looks at Alaric, tears in her eyes)","Jeremy: No. No, we can't","Alaric: Listen, Jeremy, it's the right thing to do, ok? After everything that's happened, after... after all that I've done... maybe I had it coming","(Jeremy starts to leave)","Elena: Hey, wait, Jer","(She looks at Alaric)","Elena: Alaric, this isn't your fault","Alaric: Please, you guys, let's not make this any harder than it already is. You two should go. Damon's here. He'll make sure it'll all go down the right way","(Jeremy starts to leave again. Alaric looks at him)","Alaric: Hey. Hey","Jeremy: Don't. Just don't give me some crap speech about how I need to be the man of the house","Alaric: Ok. I won't","(They embrace each other and Jeremy leaves. Alaric looks at Elena. She cries)","Elena: This is all my fault. You moved out. You... you gave me your ring back. You didn't want any part of this, And I I forced you to stay and take care of us","Alaric: Don't do that. Ok? Taking care of you and Jeremy has been... it's been the closest I've ever come to the life I always wanted","(She embraces him)","Alaric: You should go","(They go out. Everyone is gathered in front of the crypt: Meredith, Jeremy, Matt, Bonnie, Caroline, Tyler, Stefan, Elena and Damon. She looks at Alaric and then rejoins the others. They all look at him, they have tears in their eyes. He looks at them, looks moved and goes back inside.)","[Klaus' Mansion]","(Klaus opens a coffin and finds Rebekah's body inside. He removes the dagger from her heart. Then he goes to her mother's coffin and looks at her body.)","Klaus: Your trap failed, mother. I live, and I will go on living. let your beloved spirits try to preserve you again. I dare you to come after me. I will build an army so big, no one will ever touch me. My survival will haunt you through eternity. You will never destroy me!","[Bonnie's House]","(Jamie and Bonnie arrive)","Bonnie: Thanks for the ride home","Jamie: No problem. You know there's nothing you could have done, right?","Bonnie: I know. That doesn't make it any easier.","Jamie: I should have said this before, but... Thank you for protecting me","Bonnie: Apparently it's what I do","Jamie: You really are pretty amazing","Bonnie: Sometimes I think I'd settle for just ordinary","Jamie: You said your dad's out of town, right? You gonna be ok by yourself?","Bonnie: No. I don't think I am","(He embraces her)","[Mystic Grill]","(Matt and Jeremy are alone. Matt puts the lights on. He serves them two shots of tequila. They raise their glass)","Matt: Mr. Saltzman","Jeremy: Alaric","(They drink. Matt looks at Jeremy. Jeremy sheds a tear)","[Mystic Falls High School]","(Elena is in Alaric's classroom and takes his weapons. Stefan's with her)","Stefan: We can handle this later, you know","Elena: No, I'd rather get it over with now before some janitor comes to clean out Alaric's stuff and realizes the history teacher was a vampire slayer","Stefan: Elena... Hey, Elena, please","Elena: I can't, Stefan, ok? I... I can't think about the fact that Jeremy and I don't have anyone to take care of us anymore. Or... or that we've lost another friend. I just can't... I can't think about any of it","Stefan: I want you to come with me","Elena: I'm not done","(He touches he)","Stefan: Please","(He takes her hand and she follows him)","(They enter the gym. It's empty)","Stefan: We were in this gym the night Klaus compelled me to turn my feelings off. I thought I hit rock bottom in the twenties, but... after I bit you, I never wanted to feel anything again. But someone... kept telling me that it was ok to feel... No matter how much it hurt... That our emotions would make us human, good or bad, and to never lose hope","Elena: Who gave you that horrible advice?","Stefan: Some girl I used to date","Elena: I don't have anyone anymore","(She cries)","Stefan: You have me","(He touches her face. He embraces her and she continues crying)","[Mystic Falls Cemetery. Salvatore's crypt]","(Meredith and Damon are outside)","Meredith: I gave him a sedative. He'll fall asleep first. He'll go comfortably","(He puts a stake in his inside pocket)","Damon: Well... I offered to snap his neck, put him out of his misery, but... he didn't take me up on it","Meredith: You seem surprised","Damon: Well, you just think a guy so used to dying wouldn't want to drag it out","(He drinks)","Meredith: Well, it was nice of you to give him the option","Damon: Hmm. Apparently my choices have been a little controversial lately","Meredith: You shouldn't leave him alone in there","Damon: That's the way he wants it","Meredith: Is that really what you think he wants?","(She leaves, crying)","(Damon enters the crypt. Alaric is sitting on the ground, his head resting on the wall. Damon sits down next to him, a bottle in his hand)","Damon: Aw, Ric","Alaric: Is this the part where you give me a dream? rainbows and rolling green hills?","Damon: I was drunk when I told you that","(Alaric laughs)","Alaric: Yeah, and I told you I'd use it against you","Damon: Damn you. Sorry I killed you. Twice","Alaric: So I have to actually die to get a real apology out of you","Damon: Drink?","Alaric: Actually I've been thinking about cutting back","(He sheds a tear. Damon drinks)","Damon: Yeah. This stuff'll kill you","(He hands his the bottle. Alaric takes it and drinks)","[Bonnie's House]","(Bonnie is sleeping in Jamie's arms. There are voices. She opens her eyes. Esther has appeared)","Esther: Your sisters need you to finish what I started, Bonnie","Jamie: Bonnie. Hey. Hey","(She wakes up)","Jamie: I think you're having a bad dream","[Mystic Falls Cemetery. Salvatore's Crypt]","(Alaric dies. Damon's sad and drinks. He finishes the bottle and puts it down. He goes out from the crypt. Bonnie arrives but she's strange)","Damon: What are you doing here? Hey, Bonnie, What, are you sleepwalking or something? Bonnie?","(She uses her powers and inflactes him pain in the head. He falls on his knees, holding his head)","(She enters the crypt. Looks at Alaric's body. She cuts her hand with the stake and makes him drink it. He wakes up and drinks. He's now a vampire. His face changes, his fangs are out. He takes Bonnie and bites her neck. He gets up, blood all over his mouth, the stake in his hand)"],"Show Title":"The Vampire Diaries","Episode Number":"03x20","Episode Title":"Do not go gentle","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Vampire_Diaries_06x04.json","Recap":["When Damon and Bonnie realize that uncovering a time from Damon's past may provide clues to finding their way back home, Damon is forced to relive one of the worst days of his life. After an awkward run-in with Jo at the hospital, Alaric steps in to help Jeremy get his life together and cope with the loss of Bonnie. Meanwhile, in Savannah, Stefan attempts to show Elena what it is like to start over and create a new identity, while unsuspecting Matt finds himself in a disturbing situation when Tripp lets him in on a dark secret. Lastly Stefan, who is desperate to regain some normalcy in his life, is stunned when Ivy shows up as a vampire."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Damon's gone. I want you to compel me to forget that I ever loved him. Who is Damon Salvatore? He was a monster. That's my girlfriend Ivy. Somebody killed her last night right in front of me.","Caroline: Killing Enzo won't bring her back. If I kill him, I can leave this place, and I can start over again.","[Thwart]","I have my own way I like them to die. Vampires can't get into Mystic Falls. They can lurk around the borders.","Jeremy: Sarah... The girl you attacked and you compelled... No! She knows what I am. My mom lived in Mystic Falls for years before she had me.","Damon: Where the hell are we?","Bonnie: 1994. My own hell. We're never getting out.","Bonnie: There's someone else here. Incendia.","Kai: We're on the same team. Do you always try and kill your teammates? The important thing is that you have your magic back because your magic is the key to getting the hell out of here.","[ THE SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE, OTHERWORLDLY ]","( The camera shows the outside of the Salvatore house, it's morning. Kai is still taped to a chair in front of the fireplace. )","Kai: And, of course, I broke into the Oval Office, and took a picture of myself at the window looking all JFK. But then, I was, like...wha - how am I going to get these photos developed -","Damon: (interrupts) Oh my god, just answer the damn question. How are we going to get out of this Twilight Zone? (Damon is sitting across from him in a dark couch.)","Kai: I got a question for you, first. Why do you think we're stuck on a repeating loop of May 10th, 1994?","( Damon raises his eyebrows as if to say he didn't know. )","Kai: Doomed to relive a solar eclipse forever and ever, and ever.","Damon: How the hell should I know? (He takes a sip of his bourbon.)","Kai: Well, I heard you tell Bonnie this place was your own personal hell. I'm curious why.","Bonnie: (walks into the room) I found everything you asked for: can -opener, shower drain, grinding wheel, jam. Pocket knife, volume \"O\" of the Encyclopedia, a nail and a black marker.","( She walks over to the table in front of the couch Damon is on, and dumps the things on it. Damon is now standing. )","Bonnie: Now what?","Kai: Can't show you with my hands taped.","( Bonnie reaches over, grabs the pocket knife and walks over to Kai. )","Damon: (warningly) Bonnie...","Kai: Thank you.","( Bonnie cuts off one of the taped binds on his hand. )","Damon: Okay.","( She cuts off the other binding. )","Damon: Fine. How is this pile of crap going to get us out of here?","Kai: (rubs his sore wrists) I'll explain... as soon as you tell me what you did on May 10th, 1994.","Damon: (frustrated) What difference does it make!?","Kai: Let me put it this way - Bonnie's magic is one part of the equation. My as -yet undisclosed knowledge is the other. Which means you would be hitching a ride home for free. I just want to know if you deserve to come along.","( Damon stomps over to Kai, snatches the pocket knife from Bonnie and lifts Kai up to put the knife against his neck. )","Damon: Or I could just torture you until you say something useful.","Kai: (confused, speaks slowly) If you torture me, I'll get mad and then I won't want to help you. (he looks toward Bonnie) ...What kind of person needs to have that explained to them?","( Bonnie reaches over and takes the knife out of Damon's hand. Damon roughly lets Kai go. Kai laughs. )","Bonnie: Play nice.","Damon: Stop trying to impress the new guy.","Bonnie: Why don't you just tell him your story?","Damon: Maybe because I don't want to talk about the worst thing I ever did, Bonnie.","( Kai, who had opened the jam, smiles. )","Kai: Ooooh, now I'm listening. (He scoops out some jam from the jar with his hand and eats it)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ FLASHBACK - MYSTIC FALLS, 1994 ]","( Damon has just rang the doorbell and has his back is to the Salvatore house. The doors open and he turns to see Stefan inside. Damon holds up the same newspaper Bonnie has been reading for the last four months )","Damon: Ready for some bad news?","( The newspaper's front page has an article about Kurt Cobain's suicide. Stefans leans against the door as Damon chuckles and moves forward to get in the house, only to be stopped by an invisible barrier in the threshold )","Damon: Barely seen you in 50 years, Stefan. You could invite a brother in.","Stefan: Give me one good reason why.","Damon: Check your answering machine, I'm trying to turn over a new leaf.","Stefan: Oh, I heard your message. I also heard you sent Lexi some flowers, 17 years after you left her to burn to death on a rooftop.","Damon: Well -","Stefan: It's a little late, but I see you're trying to make amends. I just want to know why.","Damon: Uh, well, I can tell you this, Stefan - I'm tired of tearing up New York City. And, maybe it's the partying, or maybe it's my conscious -","Stefan: Well, I believe that word would require one.","Damon: (ignores him) - and then, I had this moment of clarity, and I said. \"Wouldn't it be great if I just woke up in my own bed and could have a fresh start?\"","( Zach Salvatore appears behind Stefan. )","Zach: You must be Damon.","( Damon nods )","Stefan: Damon, this is, uh, Zach Salvatore. He owns the house now, he knows the family house tree, and I told him if you got out of line, I'd take care of you myself.","Damon: Why you always expecting the worst out of me, Stefan?","Stefan: Oh, I don't. Otherwise, I wouldn't allow this.","( Damon looks around confusedly. Stefan nods to Zach )","Zach: Come on in, Damon.","Damon: Huh. (he takes steps into the house, smiling) Thanks. (He brushes past Stefan after tapping his shoulder)","Stefan: You ready to start over?","Damon: Hell yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ PRESENT DAY, OUTSIDE OF MYSTIC FALLS ]","( Stefan is sitting on his motorcycle. He takes off his helmet when his cellphone buzzes. He glances at the caller ID and raises it to his ear )","Stefan: Hello. Any sign of our runaway girl?","( Elena appears to be in the woods on the other end of the line. )","Elena: No, Caroline and I combed the border of Mystic Falls three times already. No sign of Sarah.","Stefan: She's not on any of the roads, which means she's probably in Mystic Falls.","Elena: This is bad, Stefan. Her compulsion went away as soon as she crossed the border. She knows that Caroline and I are vampires.","Stefan: Listen, I gotta go. I'll uh, talk to you later.","( Stefan turns his cellphone off and turns the key in the ignition. But, before he can leave, Elena superspeeds in front of his motorcycle. )","Elena: Where do you think you're going?","Stefan: (chuckles) Uh, I'm going home.","Elena: Savannah is not your home, Stefan. It's an escape, a hiding place. This is your home.","( Elena points to the Mystic Falls sign. )","Stefan: No, it was my home. But, I can no longer enter its borders, therefore I have a new home.","Elena: (raises her eyebrows) So, you're just going to throw in the towel and go back to your fake new life?","Stefan: Look, my fake new life ended when Enzo decided to kill my not -so -fake girlfriend, Ivy. So, I am going to go home, pack up and start over. Again.","Elena: By pretending like your life here never existed?","Stefan: You'd be surprised how easy it is to forget the past, Elena.","Elena: But I'm not buying it. You lost your brother. There's no way that you're fine.","( Stefan sighs, reaching down for the keys, but Elena holds them up, smiling. )","Stefan: You do not have to worry about me. It's not like I haven't done this before, I have a system.","Elena: Show me. Prove to me that your system works. If I believe that you actually are happy, then I'll let you go. But if I don't buy it, which I probably won't, I will keep harrassing you until you come home. (she scrunches up her nose) And, I'm talking about like Enzo -sized harrassment.","( They share a look, and Elena jiggles the keys. )","Elena: Deal?","( Stefan holds his hand out for the keys. )","Stefan: Sure.","( Elena drops them into his hand. )","Stefan: And what about our runaway girl, Sarah?","( Elena gets behind him on the motorcycle, and puts the helmet on. )","Elena: Well, we can't step foot into Mystic Falls. So now, it's up to Matt and Jeremy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ HOSPITAL ]","( Jeremy and Alaric are sitting beside each other in a waiting room. Jeremy leans down and vomits into a vomit bag, Alaric pats his back. )","Alaric: Atta boy. Get her all out.","( Alaric is on the phone with Matt. )","Matt: (voiceover) Is he seriously still wasted?","Alaric: Yeah, little punk showed up on my doorstep at four in the morning. Drunk. I thought you two were looking for Sarah together.","Jeremy: (groans) I did my part, she is definitely not hiding in the Salvatore liquor cabinet.","Alaric: Listen, what about your vampire -hating neighborhood watch guy? If Sarah goes to him for help, that's a problem.","Matt: (in his car) I'm on my way to Tripp's office now. I think I can get him to trust me and tell me what he knows.","Alaric: Be safe. (He hangs up.)","( Jo sees Alaric in the waiting room and walks toward him )","Jo: Alaric","Alaric: Hi. (He stands up.)","Jo: Who do we have here?","Alaric: This is Jeremy... (He stands Jeremy up with one arm.) Jeremy Gilbert. He's a little...","Jo: Underage?","Alaric: Yeah...","Jo: Yeah, I can see that.","Alaric: I was hoping you could give him one of those, uh... rapid -rehydration hangover -cure -type things?","Jo: (gives Jeremy a look) Oh, yeah. You mean, the ones we reserve for professional athletes and starving children in third -world countries? Yeah. I think we'll start with a full workup...(She holds an empty urine cup up and hands it to Jeremy.) Physical, blood, toxicology...","Alaric: Yeah. Why don't you throw in an STD screening while you're at it, huh?","Jeremy: (takes the cup and rolls his eyes) Really?","Alaric: Yeah!","Jo: (to Jeremy) Down the hall to the right.","( Jeremy groans and walks away, leaving Jo to look at Alaric. )","Jo: (winces) Do I want to know?","Alaric: It's just another day in the life of an Occult Studies professor.","Jo: Well, if that entails supervising drunk morons, then you and I have a lot more in common than I thought!","(Alaric laughs as Jo gives him a clipboard, they both look up at each other.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ TRIPP'S OFFICE ]","( Matt is walking down the hall and he stops at the door, Tripp is on the phone. )","Tripp: I know, and I'm sorry, Karen. Jay was a good kid. (Seeing Matt in the hallway he gestures for him to come in.) I promise, you'll be the first one to know, okay. (He hangs up and sits back in the chair.)","Matt: Tripp, are you okay?","Tripp (sitting up): No. No. I just told Jay's parents that I was the one who found their son dead in the woods last night.","Matt: I heard, do you know what happened?","Tripp: You tell me.","( Matt has a poker face. )","Tripp: He went to the party with you.","Matt: I -I don't know. He was drunk... I offered to give him a ride home, and he said he'd walk... I should have, driven him home.","Tripp: Okay. I'm gonna give the sheriff my statement - (Tripp stands up, waving his arms) - and try to make sense of what happened to Jay.","Matt (standing also): Wait. Maybe I should go with you. I mean I might have been the last person to see Jay alive.","Tripp (staring at Matt): Ok. Done. Let's take a ride. (They walk out together.)","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ THE SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE, OTHERWORLDLY ]","( The camera shows the table littered with Kai's things, and he picks up a can opener. Bonnie and Damon are standing in front of the fireplace, Damon is pinching the top of his nose in frustration, his eyes shut. )","Kai: I need to be entertained, while I work.","( Kai is lying on his back on the couch, screwing open another Jam can with the can -opener. )","Kai (singing): \u266a Hell story, please \u266a","( Damon turns his head to Bonnie, not his body. )","Damon: Remind me not to kill him.","Bonnie (moving her head): Maybe telling him your story will take your mind off of it.","Damon: Whose side are you on? -","Bonnie: The side where we get to go home to the people we love.","Damon (after a prolonging moment): Fine.","( He turns to Kai. )","Damon: On May 1994, I was living here. I'd come home to walk the straight and narrow.","( The camera moves past his head and into the flashback. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ FLASHBACK - MYSTIC FALLS, 1994 ]","( Damon's blue camaro is outside, Damon and Stefan are shining it with rags. Damon is wearing a white tank top, looking tiresome. Stefan is drinking from a flask, and Damon walks over to him. )","Damon: Can I have a sip of that? I'm starving.Stefan: Suure. (He emphasized.)","( Stefan hands him the flask, and Damon takes it. )","Damon: Whoo. (He unscrews the cap and takes a swig.)","Stefan: Mmmm..","( Damon pulls the flask from his mouth quickly, his face pale, he looks down at it. His mouth still closed. )","Stefan: It's good, right?","Damon: Um -uh. (He's holding the blood in his mouth even though it's disgusting, his lips contorted.)","Stefan: Oh, yeah. I can't remember if that squirrel was roadkill or one I caught in the rat trap.","( Damon shakes his head, scrunching the side of his eyes, revolted. )","Stefan: Better hope it was roadkill, though, because the rat trap was full of rat droppings.","( Damon is still disgusted, white as a sheet. )","Stefan: Swish your tongue around.","( Damon does, his mouth pursed. )","Stefan (rubbing two fingers together): Does it feel like hair, or is it more of a grainy pellet?","( Damon finally manages to swallow it. )","Damon: Ugh - (He looks relieved,)","( Stefan takes a swig of it. )","( Zach has a paper brown bag full of food and he's coming up the lawn toward the house, he waves. )","Damon: How's it going, Zach? What's up with all the grocery trips?","Zach: Ah. One of the boarders is craving blueberry pancakes. (He continues his way to the house.)","( Damon is regarding his uncle while playing with the grease rag for the car. )","Damon: You know, maybe I should run the Salvatore boarding house -","( Zach walks up to the woman standing in the doorway, her belly bloated and she says \"Hi\" to Zach )","Damon: Take over for Zach, get in good with Gail.","Stefan: She's on vervain. So is Zach, which means hands off.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ PRESENT DAY - THE SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE, OTHERWORLDLY ]","( Kai is snoring on the couch. )","Damon (from the bourbon station): Perfect. Our savior's insane and narcoleptic.","Kai: No, no, no, I'm awake.","( Damon, glass of bourbon in hand, walks over to Bonnie and stands beside her. )","Kai: Let me guess... You killed the pregnant woman.","Damon: Shut up, Kai. You weren't listening.","Kai: I was listening in my sleep. You were hanging out with your distant nephew Zach, who you called uncle Zach because that's not confusing. Plus pregnant lady Gail, who had a big bull's -eye on her chest. Got it.","Bonnie (turns to Damon): Tell me you didn't kill a pregnant woman.","Kai: Oh, that's totally what happened. Why else would today be his personal hell?","( Damon's expression shifts to angry )","Kai: Oh, here we go.","( Damon kneels in front of the table to face Kai, sitting his cup down. )","Damon: The only reason that you're alive right now is because I thought you could get us out of here and you could help us, but you don't HAVE any answers! You're just a man -child - (he picks up an empty jam can) - with Jam on your fingers! (He tosses the can to the side.)","Kai: Okay then, to get home, we'll harness the power of the eclipse using a mystical relic. It's called an ascendant, and it looks like this, Damon (he picks up something, it's round, black and red.) The last time we had it, was in the pacific north west. (He opens a book, and sets it down.): Oregon.","Bonnie: We?","Kai: It belonged to my family. So, (He picks up the pocket knife.) here's a little blood to get you started - (He slits the top of his finger.) Now all we need, is a locator spell. (He stands, eyes on Bonnie.) To pinpoint its whereabouts.","( Damon stands slowly. )","Damon: Think you can find our ticket out of here, Bon -bon?","Bonnie (unfazed): Hell, yeah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ GARAGE ]","( Elena's looking at a picture of Stefan and Ivy. )","Elena: She's cute.","Stefan: Was cute.","Elena: I'm sorry.","Stefan: Me too. But what's done is done. So, after taxes and social security and health ensurance, I'm left with 206,003 cents to spend for the week. Do you wanna get drunk?","Elena: Stefan? Health ensurance?","Stefan: Yeah. Point is to start over. Pretend to be as human as possible.","Elena: Okay so no vampire previliges, no bagage, nothing from our old lifes whatsover, huh? (She points at Stefan's car.) What's this?","Stefan: You got me there. Damon isn't around calling it granny -mobile, so ...","Elena: Yeah, your brother really did love to torture people with nicknames. And just torture people.","Stefan: That's one way to put it.","Elena: So, your system for moving on requires both burning bridge and a dead -end -Job.","Stefan: We haven't even gone for the fun part.","Elena: Paying utilities?","Stefan: No. Deciding we wanna be for the next thirty years. You wanna be an astronaut, you wanna be an olympic athlete, you wanna skip med school - boom, you're a doctor! Right? Challenge me. I show you how it's done.","Elena: Alright, Let see what you got.","Stefan: Okay.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ HOSPITAL ]","Jo: Quite a boozer, that kid. Put him on a saline drip he's lucky I didn't pump his stomach.","Alaric: Yeah, you know, he's had a rough couple months.","Jo: Did you bring him in here to put a Band -Aid on it and make some more excuses?","Alaric: No, I acutally came here for some advice from a professional.","Jo: Well, a kick in the ass might help. Jeremy too. Look. If he's anything like his sister, I'm sure he'll be fine. It's nothing I don't treat every single night on campus or didn't do myself when I was a student. Alaric","Alaric: Okay.","Jo: What about you? Born a party animal?","Alaric: Oh, yeah, yeah. I used to get kicked out library all the time, you know. Because it was closing.","Jo: Right. Head in a Wiccan bible?","( There's a boy with blood on his face next to them. Alaric smells the blood and tries not to show his vampire face. )","Jo: Okay, one more piece of professional advice: When a successfull, sexy and only moderatly insecure doctor is flirting with you, give her your undivided attention.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ A BAR ]","Elena: Caroline's laying low at the dorm, no sign of Sarah yet, which means she's either hiding out or she's planning her nightly news exclusive to out me.","Stefan: Well, if she does out you then you start your life over somewhere else. With all the supernatural drunks.","Elena: Right.","Stefan: So, you're ready to see the system in action?","Elena: Ready.","Stefan: Alright. Hand over your ring.","Elena: What?","Stefan: Your ring.","Elena: Okay. (Hands him the ring)","( Stefan knees down in front of her, holding up the ring. )","Stefan: Elena Williams.","Elena (playing along): Stefan Cooper, what are you doing?","Stefan: We'd known each other for a very long time now. And you've always been my best friend. I've always loved you. And I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. Will you -","Elena: Wait! You're not just proposing to me because I'm pregnant, are you?","Stefan: No. No. I -I am proposing to you because you are my rock, ok? You have stood by my side through the multiple rehabs, the jail time, the bull fighting injury. I mean, you have brought me back from the edge, and, sweetheart, this baby is the best thing that ever happened to us. Will you marry me?","Elena (with tears of joy in her eyes): Yes.","( The people in the bar start applauding and Elena and Stefan hug. )","Stefan (whipsering in Elenas ear): New identities, new lives, it's easy. (speaking up) Thank you all so much!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE ]","( Bonnie is doing a locator spell. )","Bonnie: It doesn't feel right. Maybe I need a bigger map.","Damon: Maybe you started practising, you suck at magic now.","Kai: Ignore him, Bonnie. Pretend he's a white noise machine. That's how I used to tune out my siblings. I grew up with a ton of little sisters and brothers, you know, all of them constantly yammering. (He comes closer to Bonnie.) But it tought me how to focus. (He looks like he's about to kiss her.)","Damon: Easy there, big brother! She doesn't know you. At least buy her a drink.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ FLASHBACK ]","Damon: May I call you Liz?","Liz: Sure.","Damon: Your daughter is so adorable","Liz: Yeah. Caroline's high maintenance, but she's worth it.","( Near them, Zach is taking a picture of Gail. )","Gail: I'm so getting rid of that photo! Stefan, come, take a picture of Zach and me.","Stefan: Sure.","Zach: Thanks.","( Stefan takes the picture. )","Gail: And now back to my cravings.","Stefan: Hey, what happened to your wrist?","Gail: I don't know.","( Back at Liz and Damon. )","Liz: So how does this thing help us watch the eclipse?","Damon: You put it between you and the thing that is too hot to look. (He puts it between Liz and himself.) Ah, it works.","Liz (laughing): My husband will get to kick out you. We should you invite to dinner sometime.","Stefan: Damon? What did you do to Gail?","Liz: Is everything okay?","Damon: Looks like the jig is up. (Compelling Liz) Hey. Look at me. Go home. Forget you ever met us.","Stefan: How the hell did you feed on Gail? She's on vervain.","Damon: Yeah, in her coffee. I swapped it out last week. Same for Zach.","Stefan: These people are my friends. Zach is family. They trust me.","Damon: They trust us both! Look, no feeding inside the house, right? Snatch, eat, erase. It's all completely functional, Stefan. I told you: soon start!","( Stefan snaps Damon's neck. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ BACK IN PRESENT TIME ]","( Bonnie is still working on the spell - now with a map of the whole States. )","Kai: The spell's leading to South Virginia. That can't be right.","Bonnie: M -m, the spell's working. Showing we're in Mystic Falls. It feels so close. (The candles are beaming.) It's right here. (As she touches Kai's chest, the candles go out.)","Kai: Very good.","Bonnie: That's the ascendent?","Kai: The one and only.","Damon: Thanks for the mind games, jackass.","Kai: It was just another little test. To make sure Bonnies magic was presice enough for the spell. I do believe, you're ready. Pack your bags - we're going home.","( BLACK SCREEN )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ FLASHBACK ]","( Damon lies on the floor moaning. )","Stefan: So here's what I don't get, Damon. Why'd you insinuate yourself back into my life and then cheat and lie and break all the rules?","Damon: Well, because I may be mad. Believe me or not, I like being here, Stefan.","( Damon stands up and tumbles in Stefan's direction. As he comes in contact with the sun light, his hand starts burning. )","Stefan: You get your daylight ring back, when you decide to behave. Now, answer my question: Why did you come back here?","Damon: Because I missed my brother. I don't have a connection to my humanity, Stefan. I wanted to feel something again. And when I came back home, it all came rushing back, just like I hoped it would.","Stefan: Congrats. Now what?","Damon: Come on, man. Let's just hit the road, you and me. Huh? I'll let you drive my car, I'll get you off this vegan diet, teach you how to feed again. It'll be great, Stef. Huh? What do you say? Come on! Trust me.","Stefan: Uh, I can imagine a road trip with you. I can imagine you feeding on innocent people and uh leaving a trail of bodies behind. I can image you making me drink human blood and laughing at my while i suffer.","Damon: Way to be an optimist, Stefan.","Stefan: Just looking at the facts, Damon. 1912 you convinced me to drink human blood again which is why I became a ripper. 1942 you almost pushed me out the rails again, because you were so damn needy. 1977 you left my best friend to die, after I sent her to come help you. And now I'm finally happy. I have a new life and doing well and you just can't handle that, can you, Damon?","Damon: I'm not trying to screw up your damn new life.","Stefan: You don't have to try, Damon. All you have to do is exist. Because no matter what I do or where I go, you will be with me forever, trying to destroy every single thing that I build. I don't know why I thought this time would be any different. I wanted it to be different. You just keep failing.","Damon: Guess that's a no on the road trip, huh?","Stefan: That's a NO on the road trip.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ BAR ]","Elena: So according to Caroline, Sarah's still M.I.A. and now Enzo's missing.","Stefan: Probably out, killing someone else's girlfriend.","( When Elena is about to drink some beer, Stefan stops her. )","Stefan: Hey, hey, pregnant, remember?","Elena: Dumbest lie I've ever told. Can I just take that one back?","Stefan: No, but you'll have to reinvent yourself in 30 years. If you don't, people will start asking why you're not getting any older.","Elena: But when I first met you, you said you'd been away from Mystic Falls for 15 years. What made you come back at half the schedule?","Stefan: You said it yourself: I met you. Since 1864 I have been a carpenter, an ambulance driver, immigrant worker, high school student.","Elena: So then why auto mechanic for 200 bucks a week?","Stefan: No reason.","Elena: Yeah, it must be hard. All that change without a constantly life. We haven't talked about your brother.","Stefan: We are to refer that Damon is just my brother?","Elena: What else would I call him?","Stefan: I don't even know anymore.","Elena: Anymore? What does that mean?","Stefan: You know, it's ... uh ... it's not important. Things change, right? (He rises his glas) To change.","Elena: Who cares what do people think, right? To change.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE ]","Damon: You are wandering around like a crazy man, why?","Kai: Looking for the exact right spot. We need to found where the power of the eclipse is focused.","Bonnie: You know you could have just shown us the Ascendent to begin with.","Kai: Yeah, but I wanted to feel your hand on my chest.","Bonnie: There's something not right about him.","Damon: You're just not used to guys hitting on you.","Bonnie: You know I can't wait to get out of here and talk to somebody else.","Damon: Can we just have a few lasting seconds of peace while this idiot uses that thing to get the stars to align?","( Bonnie picks up one of the paper planes, Damon made earlier, unfolds it and looks at it sceptical. )","Damon: Hey, what's up with the nature walk?","Kai: I used the Ascendent to figure out where we need to be standing during the eclipse.","Damon: Great. Let's do some magic and get the hell out of here.","Bonnie: (whispering) Oregon.","Damon: What?","Bonnie: I read this paper like a thousand times and something in it about Oregon.","Damon: What about it?","Bonnie: You know Kai said he had all this brothers and sisters.","Damon: Mhm.","Bonnie: Family massacred in Portland. The only one missing was the oldest boy, 22 year old named Malakai.","Kai: Who names a kid Malakai? It's like they expected me to be evil.","Bonnie: All these kids were murdered!","Kai: Hello! Not everyone died. I had a soft spot for one of my sisters. Cuz otherwise I would've cut her lungs out. And not just her spleen.","Bonnie: What?","Kai: You can survive without a spleen.","Damon: Something tells me you're not speaking high pathetically.","Kai: Well, these two, I, uh, hung off a stairwell railing. Then I put a hunting knife in her abdomen, and him I drowned in the pool. He kept fighting me. I was like, \"I saved you for last, you ungrateful little...\"Anyway, that was that.","Bonnie: You just killed your whole family?","Kai: Coven, to be precise. Oh, you know, family of witches.","Damon: You're making a jump to whoops and you're a witch.","Kai: Sort of, yeah. No powers, obviously. Oh, and of course, Gemini Coven did not take it too well what I did in Portland. So they banished me here.","Bonnie: (to Damon) This place is a prison. (to Kai) They created it for you.","Kai: Yep. This place isn't your hell, Damon. It's mine.","( BLACK SCREEN )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ IN THE WOODS ]","( Alaric and Jeremy are fighting. )","Jeremy: You call this a fair fight? You're basically an Original Vampire.","Alaric: You've killed an Original before. Focus your head in the game and maybe keep it out of the bottle.","( Jeremy throws Alaric to the ground. )","Jeremy: Happy?","Alaric: I'm trying to help you pull yourself together, Jeremy. Now what is your problem?","Jeremy: My problem is that everyone thinks I shouldn't have one. I have the right to be myself right now. Bonnie is dead. She knew it was gonna happening and she said goodbye over the phone! Just so you -","Alaric: Keep going so what? So I can come back to life, right?","Jeremy: You, Elena, Stefan, Tyler, Enzo. She saved everybody but herself!","Alaric: You wanna talk about resentment, huh? Is that it? My wife ran away, because she would rather be a vampire than be married to me. Came to find out it was Damon who turned her. And then she died. And then Jenna - she died. And then I died. And then the guy who killed my wife died. And I actually kinda miss him. And now I can't even talk to a girl without fantasising biting into her neck. I mean, Jeremy, I have resentment for years, YEARS! I get it. Okay? But I find a way to keep going. Because that's what we do: We find a way TO KEEP GOING! Ready?","( They go on fighting. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ BAR ]","Elena: So, if we were to run into each other in some random town in 30 years, do we pretend like we're strangers?","Stefan: Elena, I'm avoiding Mystic Falls, not you. We can talk, we can visit.","( They hug. )","Elena: Bye, Stefan.","Stefan: Bye","( Elena leaves. Stefan talks to a guy sitting on the bar. )","Stefan: Hey, man. Noticed you weren't celebrating my engagement. How come?","Guy: Hard to be happy for the guy who put my brother in a hospital?","Stefan: Oh, right, right, right, okay. Remind me, which guy was it? Broken nose or fractured arm? I was kinda drunk. Still waiting for the congrats on my engagement. (He grabs the guys cheeks to make it seem like he is speaking.) I'm really happy for you.","( The Guy grabbs a glas from the bar and hits it against Stefan's head. )","Stefan: Don't know what you got. Come on Come on, man. Hit me. Come on.","( They start fighting )","Guy: You're freaking enjoying this, you sick freak?","( Elena re-appears )","Elena (compelling the guy): Go home, clean up and forget this ever happened. (to Stefan): What the hell are you doing?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE ]","Bonnie: I'm not letting Kai out of here, okay? He just said, he's a serial killer.","Damon: I don't care. I wanna get out of here.","Bonnie: How can you not care? Maybe because of the horrible things you have done? Maybe cause killing a bunge of kids is not a big deal to someone who has murdered a pregnant woman? Am I wrong?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ FLASHBACK ]","Stefan (to Zach): Did you leave the door open?","Zach: No. Why?","( Screaming is heard. They found Damon, surrounded by dead bodies, holding a scared Gail in his hands. )","Damon: This eclipse party blows. I didn't see the sun at all when I made it across the yard. I forgot how much stronger we are when we drink human blood.","Gail (scared): Zach.","Stefan: Damon, please don't hurt her.","Damon: I want my ring back, Stefan. (Stefan throws the ring to Damon.) Attaboy.","Stefan: I'm never gonna be right at you, am I?","Damon: No. I do not. Cause in 1912 I showed you who you were, Stefan. In 1942 I gave you your freedom and in 1977 I almost killed your best friend because it should have been you there to help me, Stefan. You owe me and it'll take you an eternity to pay me back.","( Damon kills Gail. )","Damon: An eternity of misery, brother. Just like the promise.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ BACK IN PRESENT TIME ]","Kai: Ouch. Poor nephew -uncle Zach.","Damon: Stefan compelled uncle Zach to forget about the girlfriend and the baby. But he couldn't cover up all those murders. Founder's council was restarted and Stefan took off, left Mystic Falls for about 15 years. We both did. And when I saw uncle Zach again, I couldn't look at him without remembering that I ruined everything. So it was a releave when I got to kill him. Can we go back now?","Kai: Oh, come on, Bonnie. You wanna go home to your friends, I wanna go back and give the rest of the Gemini coven an excruciating death. Win -win.","Damon: Look, Bonnie, but I gotta get back. Not just for Elena, but for my brother.","Bonnie: Sorry, Damon.","Kai: Sorry doesn't work for me.","( He is about to grab Bonnie, when instead Damon grabs [i]him. )[\/i]","Damon: We may be having a bit of an disagreement, but don't ever lay a hand on her.","Kai: Kind of a non-issue now. Missed today's eclipse. Rain check for tomorrow.","Bonnie: No.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ IN TRIPP'S CAR ]","Matt: You and the Sheriff. Don't seem to get along.","Tripp: Oh. Liz and my wife were high-school rivals, some issue about who was captain of the field hockey team.","Matt: You were married?","Tripp: I was. Yeah, Chris died in a car accident.","Matt: Sorry.","Tripp: So I left Mystic Falls. Too many memories.","Matt: So what did you tell the Sheriff about Jay?","Tripp: Just what I saw. Uh, tons of blood. Probably a mountain lion.","Matt: Just another animal attack, huh?","Tripp: You sound awful.","Matt: This is gonna sound weird. But last night Jay told me that he was tracking a vampire. I mean that's crazy, right?","Tripp: I'm gonna show you something.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ BAR ]","Stefan: I thought you agreed to leave.","Elena: I forgot my jacket, Stefan. What happened with that guy?","Stefan: Told you I have a system.","Elena: Letting somebody kick your ass ... so that you can feel?","Stefan: You are the last person who should be lecturing me on coping mechanisms.","Elena: You're not alone in your grief, Stefan. I lost Bonnie when you lost Damon. But I fought through it.","Stefan: All by yourself.","Elena: Yes. And it was hard. I know that you're pushing me away because I never liked Damon.","Stefan: Believe me, that's not what it is.","Elena: I know that he's your brother, i get it. But why inflict so much pain to yourself for such a hateful person? I mean, he doesn't deserve your grief. I mean, there's gotta be another way so you can move on.","Stefan: I'm sorry that I can't just forget him like you, Elena.","Elena: No one's forgetting him.","Stefan: You are. You erased him.","Elena: What are you talking about?","Stefan: You had Alaric compell you to forget every good thing that Damon ever did. You made him a monster in your own mind because you couldn't handle the grief of losing him.","Elena: I don't believe anyhting that you're saying. Why would I do that?","Stefan: Because you were in love with him and he was in love with you. And when Damon died, a part of you died too.","Elena: Wow. What? No. No. Stefan ... how can I possibly love Damon?","Stefan: Believe me, I asked myself that for a very long time. And eventually I saw it. Damon inspired you. He pushed you to own the darkest parts of yourself. And when you died, he was the only one that could made you feel alive again. And you made him feel human. You loved Damon for the same reasons that I loved Damon. Because in spite of every single thing he did, we couldn't live without him. Now you don't have to - but I do. So, I do it my way. You do it yours.","( Elena stares at him speechless. )","( BLACK SCREEN )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ SOMEWHERE IN THE WOODS ]","Matt: What is this place?","Tripp: A secret. A secret I only share with people I trust. Remeber the gas leak in town over the summer? Well, I came back to make sure my grandmother was ok. First time I've been back in years. When I crossed town boarder, something changed. Memories came flooding back. And I realised, that my wife didn't die in a car accident. She was murdered. Drained of her blood right in front of me. And the killer made me believe, I was responsible. And I found out what kind of monster could do all that.","( Tripp opens a door. Enzo is sitting on the ground chained. )","Tripp: They are real, and one murdered my wife, but this is the one who murdered Jay, and I'm gonna get him to name all his vampire buddies, starting with the one who bit your friend Sarah.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE ]","Jeremy: Sarah?","Sarah: You try anything and I call 911 and out your vampire sister to the world.","Jeremy: Just take it easy. What do you want?","Sarah: Answers. I found this (she shows him a picture) when I was tossing the house last night. That's my mum. And the reason I know this is because I've had this (she shows him another picture) since I was a baby. My mum was a Jane Doe Her body was still warm and entered the hospital six months pregnant. But one doctor did an emergency C -section and I survived. Three months in an incubator. They didn't know who my dad was. And neither did I. But then I found this (she shows him another picture. Jeremy takes it.).","Jeremy: Your dad is Zach Salvatore.","Elena: How could you obliterate an entire chapter of my life?","Alaric: Look Elena, as much is I'd like to think that I am full of wisdom, I think it's time we stop pretending that I actually know what's best, okay? Look, I've got my own issues to solve right now and I think that this will explain it much better than I can. (He hands Elena a little blue book.)","Elena (reading out loud): Dear me, if you're reading this than somebody spilled the beans about your selective memory loss. My mind is on Caroline. Yes, you loved Damon. You loved him with a passion that consumed you. And then when Damon died, the void you feeled was too deep, too dark. Facing an eternity without your soulmate you went of the deep end. You turned into someone that you weren't. A monster. Alaric will restore your last memories - all you have to do is ask. But I hope that you don't. I tried it the other way and I didn't see an end to the pain. I want you to rediscover yourself in absence of who defined you. If you feel any hope for the future at all, then you're already better off. You've been given a chance to start over. I want you to take it. I want you to be happy.","Alaric: So, what do you want me to do?","Elena (hands him the book): Can you hold on to that? And keep it save in case I ever need to read it again.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE ]","Damon: Shame eating?","Bonnie: Thinking about that pregnant Lady. She had a thing for pancakes.","Damon: That's what you remember?","Bonnie: You remember it, don't you? You make pancakes every day.","Damon: Cuase I'm bored.","Bonnie: No. Cause you're punishing yourself. You call this place your hell and it makes you feel remorse. That makes you different from Kai. There is hope for you.","Damon: Look. We can still get out of here, Bonnie. We can just steal that ascendant contraption, find out what Kai knows. We'll ditch him. Because he ain't got powers anyway.","Kai (suddenly appearing at the door): Actually it's not that simple.","Damon: You gotta stop doing that, creepy.","Kai: Here's a thing: I have a killer effect on magic. I can't generate it myself. But I can consume it from others temporarely. My family callled me an abomination. That hurt my feelings.","( He grabs Bonnie's wrist. Bonnie and Damon start moaning in pain and the stove catches fire. )","Damon: Okay, get it!","Kai: You can see why my coven and I didn't get along.","Damon: I smell an ultimatum.","Kai: If I consume all of Bonnie's magic I'm just gonna end up killing her. But if we work together, we can all go home as friends. Or I can develop her magic, kill you both and go home alone. What's it gonna be?","( He sits down at the table and starts eating the pancakes. )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ GARAGE ]","( Stefan's working on his car. Someone's watching him. He turns around, but can't see anyone. )","Stefan: Hello?","( He goes on being concerned with the car. A person enters the garage. STefan turns around again. The person is revealed to be Ivy, her face full of blood. )","Stefan: Ivy.","Ivy: Stefan. I don't feel so good. Your friend Enzo drink his blood and now I'm so thirsty."],"Show Title":"The Vampire Diaries","Episode Number":"06x04","Episode Title":"Black Hole Sun","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Vampire_Diaries_06x09.json","Recap":["Damon compels Alaric to do whatever he has to do to get the ascendant from Jo. After obtaining it, Liv sends Damon and Elena back to 1994 while Elena wonders why Jo agreed to give them the ascendant which is the only thing that is protecting her from her brother. Arriving in 1994, Damon and Elena page Bonnie and are able to speak to her and tell her that they are bringing her home. In their conversation Bonnie tells them that Kai stabbed her to get her blood and fears that Kai might be free. Back in the Mystic Falls, Stefan meets a girl claiming to be Sarah, the daughter of their uncle, but it is revealed that she is actually an impostor who goes by the name Monique. Stefan knows about the real Sarah and where she is all these years since he has been watching over her whole life. He compels Monique to forget she ever knew Sarah and to leave Mystic Falls, because he does not want Damon, or anyone else, to know about Sarah. Enzo suspects that Stefan hides something and kills Monique because Stefan refuses to tell him. Meanwhile, Kai kills a cab driver and once he arrives in Mystic Falls he finds Liv. He steals some of her magic and tries to kill her but Tyler comes in time and saves her. In the process, Liv is forced to bring Damon and Elena back to the present without Bonnie. Jo finds out that the ascendant is gone and confronts Alaric, being the only other person who knew where she kept it, but Alaric swears he did not take it. Jo tells him that it might be possible that he took it but he does not remember because he was compelled to forget. Kai finds Damon and Elena in the cemetery and destroys the ascendant and afterwards he goes to Tyler and asks him to help him merge with Jo to keep Liv alive."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Elena: I get that we had an amazing life together, but now I feel like I'm looking at a stranger.","Kai: To get home, we'll harness the power of the eclipse, using an Ascendant.","Elena: What about Bonnie?","Damon: She sacrificed herself so I could come back.","Stefan: Jo is his sister?","Jo: In our coven, Kai wanted to be the leader, but that wasn't if Lukas and Olivia were alive.","Tyler: I'm not gonna let you die.","Joshua: If Kai gets out, he'll head straight for Jo. His ability to siphon magic will overwhelm Jo, and our coven will be left to the whims of a madman.","Kai: To do the spell, all I need is Bennett blood.","Bonnie: The b*st*rd took the car.","Jo: The Ascendant's with me.","Alaric: We're not letting her brother out, all right?","Alaric: The Ascendant is off the table.","Damon: Ok. Get the Ascendant from Jo.","Alaric: I understand.","Elena: Look. I'm at a crossroads. Any chance you'd be willing to help me bring my best friend Bonnie back?","Damon: Sure.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ALARIC'S PLACE ]","( Alaric is setting up dinner when Jo gets home )","Jo: Knock knock.","Alaric: Hey. Come on in.","( Jo takes in all the lit candles )","Jo: Oh. It's one of those nights.","Alaric: Oh, wow. Your enthusiasm is amazing.","Jo: I'm sorry. I've had a day from hell, and I didn't mean it. I did actually, but I'm gonna call take backs, ok?","Alaric: Ok.","( They kiss )","Jo: Ooh, you got Thai food.","Alaric: You know, I knew I should have led with the food.","Jo: Well, this is perfect. I'm starving.","( Alaric holds up a bottle of wine and Jo takes it )","Jo: Aww. Where's yours?","Alaric: Oh. Very funny.","( They kiss again. In Ric's office the next morning, Damon and Stefan talk about Alaric )","Stefan: You didn't compel him to get her drunk.","Damon: No. I compelled him to do whatever it takes, and considering the Ascendant is the key to her psycho brother's weird prison world, I'm sure it's gonna take her a few to open up about it.","( Back at Alaric's the night before )","Alaric: I swear your dad loves me. Ha ha ha! I have never been given so clear a blessing.","Jo: You went to see him, and he tried to kill me. How's that a blessing?","Alaric: Because he didn't try to kill me. He just banished me from your creepy childhood home.","Jo: It wasn't creepy back then. Once your brother brutally murders your siblings, creep sets in.","Alaric: Oh. So you just... you just ran.","Jo: I didn't run. They let me go. We made a deal. Betray your brother and get your freedom.","Alaric: So where does the Ascendant fall under this deal?","Jo: They didn't know I had it.","Alaric: By the time I found out, I was gone.","Alaric: I still don't understand why you'd want it.","Jo: It makes me feel safe, like I'm in control. As long as I have it, then no one can use it to get Kai out. Kai can't get me. Embarrassing, but I actually used sleep with it under my pillow.","Alaric: Used to?","Jo: Yes, used to. I am a grownup now obviously, and I keep it in my underwear drawer, next to my pot.","Alaric: Oh, ok. Well, that explains why you're always hungry.","Jo: No. I'm always hungry because I'm a vegetarian.","Alaric: Ok.","( Alaric laughs and pours the rest of the wine in Jo's glass )","Alaric: Well... The last of it.","( Jo takes a sip )","Jo: Good. No more distractions.","( Jo kisses Alaric. Back at Alaric's office, Damon pours some booze from a flask into a coffee mug )","Stefan: You realize he is gonna kill you when he finds out what you did to him.","Damon: My relationship to ruin, thank you. I didn't complain when you ruined yours with Caroline.","Stefan: I didn't ruin my...","Damon: Yeah. I'm sure she's fine. She's on vacation with her mom, eating ice cream out of the carton, convincing herself she never liked you in the first place.","( Stefan takes the mug from Damon )","Stefan: You done?","Damon: Careful, Stefan. I know it may seem easy to be the big bad Salvatore, but soon, you'll find yourself lying in the middle of the road, pouring your heart out to a stranger, having an existential crisis.","Stefan: Yeah, great. So, uh, when's this grand theft gonna happen?","Damon: Assuming everything went well, it's already happened, which means...","( Damon waits expectantly, and the door opens. Alaric enters and hands Damon the Ascendant )","Alaric: Here it is.","Damon: Thanks, buddy.","( Damon hands Alaric a tray with coffee and a bag presumably containing breakfast food )","Damon: There you go. ( compelling ) Go home to Jo, be a good boyfriend, forget this ever happened.","[SCENE_BREAK]","\u266aThe Vampire Diaries 6x09 \u266a","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WHITMORE CAMPUS ]","( Jeremy and Elena jog together )","Jeremy: Seriously, I shouldn't be winning.","Elena: Two weeks without booze doesn't make you iron man. I can still vamp circles around you.","Jeremy: You mean, you can cheat.","Elena: Ha! Or I could pants you in front of the entire women's volleyball team.","Jeremy: Doubt they'd mind.","( Elena runs ahead and stops, turning to face Jeremy )","Elena: Ok. I give up. What did you do with my miserable half-drunk brother?","Jeremy: He canceled Bonnie's cell phone, cried until there was nothing left, and got all the grief out of his system. He is ready to move on.","( Elena has a strange look on her face like she wants to say something )","Jeremy: What?","Elena: It's about Bonnie.","( A short while later, they are sitting at a picnic table. Elena has explained almost everything )","Jeremy: Damon said she found peace.","Elena: He thought Kai had killed her, but he just found out that she's alive, and he's doing everything that he can to...","Jeremy: So you're back to defending him. Wow! And all it took was one hollow promise to bring Bonnie back.","Elena: No. No, no, no, Jer. It's not hollow. Liv's looking for a way to send us over there so that we can find Bonnie and bring her back.","Jeremy: And if you can't?","Elena: Jer, this is good news.","Jeremy: You're right, Elena. This is good news. Tonight, I'm gonna see Bonnie again, and everything is gonna go back to the way it was because I have never heard that before.","( Jeremy gets up and leaves to continue jogging. Elena sighs )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LOCKWOOD MANSION ]","( Liv is packing up her things. Matt and Sarah crouch in front of the fireplace, feeding papers into it )","Tyler: I brought you to Mystic Falls to keep you safe from your crazy-ass witch family. You can't just leave because Damon wants you to do some spell.","Liv: So, what, I'm a prisoner here? Do I look like Rapunzel?","Tyler: Well, actually... Look. Why can't Luke do it?","Liv: Because he is busy enjoying his last few weeks as a singular twin with his sugar daddy radiologist, and I'd like to enjoy mine.","Tyler: Matt, help me out here.","Matt: I can't. It's for Bonnie.","( Tyler follows Liv to the front door )","Liv: Tyler, I can't stay locked up in here any longer. I'm out of clothes, and I've had pizza for breakfast every day this week. We've got to get back to our normal lives.","Tyler: If you leave and your coven finds you...","Liv: They'll make me merge with my brother? Hey. It's not all bad. If I survive, you'll be dating the all-powerful leader of the Gemini coven, and if I don't, you can date Luke.","Tyler: Hey. This isn't a joke to me, ok?","Liv: Well, I have to laugh at it because if I start imagining my life stuck in this town running away from my family, I will fall apart.","Tyler: I'll find a way.","( Tyler kisses her. Liv leaves )","Sarah: And that was an actual fight two people just had over a twin-merge? This town is so weird.","Matt: You'll get used to it.","Sarah: Or I won't, and a vampire will kill me like they killed your friend Tripp.","Matt: That's not gonna happen because I won't let it.","( Matt places one last piece into the fire )","Matt: And with that, the Mystic Falls community protection program is officially disbanded.","Sarah: You know what that means. I helped you, now you help me. Time for a little family reunion.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS CEMETERY ]","( Elena and Damon are walking through the cemetery in the woods )","Elena: What does Matt want with Stefan?","Damon: I don't know. It's Matt. Food, money, new social class. Whatever it is, it better distract Stefan from his sizeable screw-up with Caroline. Did you know about that, how she felt about him?","Elena: She told me a little while back, and whatever you're thinking, I want both of them to be happy.","Damon: Even if she compels away all the things she likes about him?","( They reach Liv )","Elena: Hey. Thanks for doing this.","Liv: Don't worry about it. I needed an excuse to get out of that frat house. Way too much boy. Gross. You got everything?","Damon: Yep. Blood from a Bennett - Lucy to be exact - and an Ascendant from whatever the hell your last name is.","Liv: Parker. So this is the famous Ascendant?","Damon: Yup.","Liv: Surprised that Jo gave it up.","Elena: Why?","Liv: It's the only thing keeping Kai locked in his prison. If he gets out, he's coming after Jo.","Damon: Well, good old Jo - heh heh -helping us out. Can we do this, please?","Liv: Whatever. So I'm gonna need the moon to activate the Ascendant. It will be viable for about 8 hours, so once I send you over, the clock's ticking.","Elena: And how do we get back?","Liv: Drink these.","( She hands them each a vial )","Damon: What is that?","Liv: It's my blood. It will link you to me so I can find you and bring you back. Give this one to Bonnie, too.","( Liv hands them the third vial. Damon sniffs the blood )","Liv: Are you waiting for a toast? Drink.","( Damon clinks his vial against Elena's and they drink the blood )","Damon: Mmm. Bitter. Wonder why. Shall we?","( Damon takes Elena's hand. Liv pours the Bennett blood on the Ascendant and starts chanting the spell. There's a bright light, and Liv is gone - they're in the prison world )","Damon: Hey.","Elena: I used to come here every day after the accident for months.","Damon: This is where your parents are buried.","Elena: Yeah, but not in 1994. In 1994, they were still alive.","Damon: Yeah. So is Bonnie. So let's go get her. Just keep your eyes peeled. There's a pork rind-munching freak somewhere around here. Ok?","Elena: Yeah.","Damon: Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ INSIDE A TAXICAB ]","( Kai sits in the backseat of a taxi, chatting at the driver )","Kai: You ever worn skinny jeans? Agh. It seems wrong. I'm all bunched up. Also, why are jeans so tight when phones are so big?","Driver: I don't know what to tell you, pal.","Kai: Oh, God. I'm that guy, right? That guy that won't shut up. Oh, I hate that guy. I just sat next to that guy on the plane. He was the worst. Hey. Speaking of planes, have you flown recently? Because what's with the whole liquid situation and the stripping before you go through security thing? It's weird.","Driver: They're worried about terrorists.","Kai: Ok. Well, I'm sorry, but the real terrorists are some of those people taking off their shoes. I know I'm chatty. Sorry. I've just been in prison for awhile. Not like a regular prison, you know, more like a...","Driver: All right. We're here.","( The driver pulls to a stop )","Kai: Special kind of...","Driver: That will be 30.","( Kai starts struggling to get money out of his pocket )","Kai: All right. Jeans. Uh, will you take this? Hang on. Hang on. I got it. Oh. Hey. Gum. Nice.","Driver: Come on, buddy. I don't have all day. Let's go.","Kai: I got it. Hold on. Huh. Well... I guess this will do.","( Kai pulls a pair of earbuds out of his pocket and suddenly uses them to choke the driver from behind. The man struggles for a bit, but finally suffocates. Kai reaches around and puts one of the earbuds in the man's ear. He gets out and leans down toward the passenger side window )","Kai: Thank you.","( Kai walks toward Whitmore Campus )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ SALVATORE MANSION - PRISON WORLD ]","( Elena and Damon have been searching the house, but no sign of Bonnie )","Elena: Bonnie?","Damon: Nothing. You?","Elena: No, and I looked in every room plus the basement.","( Elena sits on the sofa )","Elena: Damon, you... you don't think that Kai...","Damon: Look. Let's not jump to depressing conclusions yet, ok?","Elena: Ok.","( Elena notices a pillow with blood on it )","Elena: Oh, my god. Damon.","( She sniffs it )","Elena: Oh, my god, Damon. This is blood.","Damon: And we're jumping.","( Damon turns and goes to get the phone )","Elena: What are you doing?","Damon: If Kai has Bonnie, we need to talk.","Elena: So you're gonna call him?","Damon: I'm gonna page him actually.","( Elena looks blank, waiting for explanation )","Damon: Sorry. Forgot you were two in 1994.Pagers are an ancient form of telecommunication.","Elena: I know what a pager is. [beat] How does it work?","Damon: We dial jackass's number 555-HIYA-KAI...","( He dials )","Damon: We leave our number... And then we hang up.","Elena: And now what?","Damon: And now we sit by the phone like a 13-year-old girl and wait.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ AT A DINER ]","( Matt sits at a table with Sarah )","Matt: Relax.","Sarah: I'm about to meet one of my only living relatives.","( Enzo joins them )","Enzo: Uh, technically, he's not living. So Stefan has extended family. I'm intrigued.","Matt: Enzo, what the hell are you doing here?","Enzo: Apparently rescuing this one from the world's most dreadful lunch. Matt and Stefan? Sweetheart, you can do so much better. Me for example. I'm Enzo.","( Sarah starts to reach up and accept Enzo's handshake )","Matt: The guy who killed Tripp.","( Sarah recoils )","Sarah: Oh, my God.","Enzo: For the record, he did try and kill me first. ( to Matt ) You are the most terrible wingman.","Matt: Enzo, leave.","Enzo: Or what?","Matt: Or maybe I'll pick up where Tripp left off.","Enzo: Go on then.","( Stefan enters )","Stefan: Hey. I really wouldn't do that if I were you. You hurt him, and, uh, I hurt you, and really don't feel like cleaning up two corpses today.","Enzo: Making threats in front of impressionable family. How brutish.","Stefan: What are you talking about?","Sarah: Me. He's, uh, talking about me. I'm Zach and Gail's daughter, Sarah Salvatore.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ SALVATORE MANSION - PRISON WORLD ]","( Elena opens a cabinet and finds an old camcorder. She looks at it doubtfully, unsure how to work it )","Elena: Um...","( She presses a button and a video starts playing )","Damon ( on video ): Well, I am officially in hell. This place is my own personal hell.","( Damon swoops in and snatches the camcorder away )","Damon: Whoa!","Elena: Oh. Hey! What was that?","Damon: Uh, it's my audition tape for \"Real World: London.\" Fingers crossed. I think I'm finally gonna make it.","Elena: That was a video journal.","Damon: What? No. Journals are lame, especially video ones.","Elena: Then why did you say you thought this was your own personal hell?","Damon: Well, I mean, because I was stuck here with Bonnie. What could be worse than that?","Elena: Damon.","( The phone starts ringing. Damon pulls it out and answers )","Damon: Kai, if you so much as hurt one hair on her annoying little witch head, I will kill you and...","( Bonnie, calling from a pay phone, speaks )","Bonnie: That was so sweet. Why'd you ruin it by calling me annoying?","( Elena grabs the phone )","Elena: Bonnie?","Bonnie: Elena? Elena, is that you?","Elena: Yes! It's me. I'm here. I'm at the Salvatore house in...in 1994.","Bonnie: I can't believe I'm hearing your voice right now. How are you here?","Elena: It's a long story. Just know that I'm here to get you.","( Bonnie smiles, ecstatic and relieved. A short time later, after Bonnie has filled them in, the conservation continues over the phone while Damon looks at a roadmap )","Elena: So Kai just left you in Portland?","Bonnie: After cooking me Thanksgiving spaghetti and stealing my blood. It's been a strange few days.","Elena: Where is he now?","Bonnie: Don't know. I hotwired a car, and I'm on my way back to Mystic Falls.","Elena: Hang on. You hotwired a car? Who are you?","Bonnie: A badass apparently. A badass in Muncie.","Damon: Well, Muncie's about 6 1\/2 hours away, give or take a knuckle.","Elena: Liv's pulling us out in 7.","Damon: If you don't stop to use the little witches' room anymore...","Bonnie: I can make it in time. I'm going home.","Elena: You're coming home. We'll see you soon.","Bonnie: Ok.","( They each hang up, smiling excitedly. Elena notices Damon is not so euphoric )","Elena: You're worried about Kai.","Damon: If he's got Bonnie's blood and the Ascendant, he's got everything he needs to get out. [beat] What if he's already out?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WHITMORE BAR ]","( Kai walks up to the bar, where Liv is working )","Liv: How can I help you?","Kai: One Zima, please.","Liv: Hilarious. ( Kai says nothing ) Are you going to order something or just gonna stare?","Kai: Ok. Uh, how about a soda... ( reads name tag ) Liv?","( Liv walks about to get his drink. Kai talks to himself )","Kai: Heh. Liv. Ironic.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ALARIC'S OFFICE ]","Jo: Where is it?","Alaric: That's a cryptic question, accusatory tone. This doesn't bode well for me.","Jo: Good. Deflect, make a joke. That'll fix this.","Alaric: What are you talking about?","Jo: The Ascendant. Where is it?","Alaric: I have no idea.","( Jo starts searching the office, lifting things on the bookshelves )","Jo: You must think I'm an idiot. To be fair, I am one. Wine, Thai food, that's all it takes.","Alaric: Jo, I don't have it.","Jo: Did you tell Damon where it is?","Alaric: No. No. Look. We all agreed to find another way to get Bonnie back. Do you honestly think this is my normal afternoon reading?","Jo: You and I are the only ones who knew where it was. It's gone!","Alaric: Ok. Look. I swear to you I didn't tell anyone, ok? I would never tell anybody.","Jo: You're right. You'd never tell anyone. It doesn't mean you didn't.","Alaric: What are you saying?","Jo: Damon is a vampire.","Alaric: Are you saying Damon compelled me? Heh. Look. He wouldn't do that. He's my friend.","Jo: Ok. Let's prove it. We're going to Mystic Falls. If you're compelled, it will go away when we walk across the border. If nothing happens, then you're right. He's your friend.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ SALVATORE MANSION - PRISON WORLD ]","( Damon pops open a bottle of champaign and flips pancakes up in the air, which Elena catches on plates. They sit at the table in the kitchen )","Damon: Bon appetit.","Elena: Hang on.","( Elena takes the can of whipped cream and adds two little vampire fangs to the blueberry smiley face on Damon's pancake, just like he did for Bonnie. He stares at her, smiling )","Elena: What?","Damon: Nothing. Let's eat.","Elena: Ok. Who mangled the crossword?","Damon: 6 letters, illiterate witch, B.","( Elena notices the story in the newspaper )","Elena: This is about Kai and Jo.","Damon: Yep. Kai's greatest hits staring us in the face every day.","Elena: If Kai's out, he's gonna go after Jo again. Damon, he's gonna kill her.","Damon: Well, if I have my Gemini rules down, actually, he's going to merge with her, which will most likely result in her death, which I guess is 6 of 1...","Elena: Then why would she give you the Ascendant?","Damon: Um... Because I asked her very nicely? You want some music maybe? I'm gonna turn on some music.","Elena: It was the one thing trapping Kai, and she just gave it to you?","Damon: We have Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails, Boyz II Men, Stefan's.","Elena: Damon.","Damon: Fine. She didn't give it to me. Alaric stole it from her.","Elena: Alaric stole from her.","Damon: After I compelled him.","( Elena's lips tighten, then she gets up and leaves the room. Damon goes after her )","Damon: What? Elena, stop.","Elena: Of course you compel your best friend. I mean, why would that be off limits?","Damon: Hey. I'm trying to get Bonnie back!","Elena: Oh, just, just, no. Don't. Damon, I want Bonnie back more than anything. She's my best friend, but to you, she's something else, isn't she? She's a chance for me to realize what a great guy you are so that I can fall in love with you all over again. It doesn't matter who gets hurt in the process as long as Damon gets what Damon wants.","( Elena leaves )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ AT A DINER ]","( Stefan sits at a table with Sarah while Enzo \"eavesdrops\" on them from the bar, sitting next to Matt )","Enzo: She's saying you're stupid, and Stefan is agreeing. Ooh. Now she's saying you're good for nothing, and Stefan is disagreeing. He says you're a great punch line to a joke.","Matt: Everyone hates you.","Enzo: Don't be jealous you can't vamp hear because you're a big blond bowl of mush. Just be thankful I don't fancy mush.","Sarah: ( to Stefan ) So after the third group home, I got myself emancipated, which is surprisingly difficult, by the way.","Stefan: Yeah. You seem like the type that would do better on your own. Hey. Do you want a drink?","Sarah: Sure.","( Stefan flags down a waitress )","Stefan: Hey. Excuse me. Can we get two chocolate milk shakes, please? ( to Sarah ) It's a, uh, Salvatore family tradition.","Sarah: I'm all for family traditions.","( The waitress starts the milk shake blender, which is loud enough to mask Stefan's words from Enzo's hearing )","Stefan: All right. Listen. In 10 seconds, you're gonna get up and walk out of here with me, smiling, acting like nothing's wrong. The acting part shouldn't be too hard for you.","( Enzo tries to listen, but can't hear anything over the machine )","Stefan: I know you're lying.","( The blender stops. Stefan changes his demeanor back to cordial )","Stefan: Ready to go?","( Sarah barely fakes a smile and they both rise. Matt gets up when he sees them leaving )","Matt: Hey. Where you guys going?","Stefan: Oh, just a little family drive.","Sarah: It's ok, Matt, I promise. I'll call you in a bit.","Matt: All right.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WHITMORE BAR ]","( Kai is still chatting up Liv, playing with his cell phone )","Kai: You on Twitter? Ah. I just signed up. You should follow me. Cobrakai1972. Come on. Like \"Karate Kid\"? Did you know you can follow celebrities? Heh. They all Twitter the stupidest things. It's... it's hilarious.","Liv: It's kind of dead. I think I'm gonna close up.","Kai: Oh. Hang on, hang on. I'm gonna get a real drink. No bourbon. I'm secure enough in my masculinity. Vodka's boring, rum's too tropical. Ooh. Tequila. You do not want to see me on Tequila. What about gin? Is that weird?","Liv: Not if you're a 50-year-old, but seeing as you look 19, I'm gonna need to see some I.D.","Kai: Oh. Of course. Of course.","( Kai takes out his ID and hands it to Liv, who reads the birthdate and smiles )","Liv: 1972. Nice try.","Kai: No. True story, but that's not the most interesting thing on that I.D. Here. Look again. Name, address...","Liv: Malachai Parker. Oh, my God. Ahhh.","( Liv starts to try to get away, but Kai restrains her with magic )","Kai: Last time I saw you...","Liv: Aah!","Kai: I was trying to kill you. Why don't we pick up where we left off?","Liv: I don't think so.","( Liv stabs him with something and runs toward the door, but Kai locks it with magic )","Kai: Life is so much easier with magic.","( Every door Liv runs to, Kai closes and locks with magic )","Kai: Feels kind of like cheating. I'm sad you didn't recognize me. That means dad erased all trace of my existence... family pictures, movies, little handprint turkey I made. What a dick.","( Liv runs up the stairs. Kai follows her )","Liv: You stay the hell away from me.","( She magicks some tables toward him )","Kai: You were always so bad at hide-and-seek. I mean, you were 4, but still, find a better hiding spot.","( Kai magicks the tables out of the way, but suddenly Tyler appears and shoves Kai over the balcony edge )","Tyler: I think she did just fine. ( to Liv ) Let's get out of here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ AT A DINER ]","Enzo: You don't find it the least bit strange that they just up and left?","Matt: I told you she's his family. If they want to talk, let them talk. What the hell do you care?","Enzo: Because I care about the truth, care about authenticity.","Matt: Or you just hate Stefan.","Enzo: I do actually, yeah. He abandoned his brother, turned me over to a vampire hunter, and he hurt the one girl who can honestly do no wrong. That's not why I care. No. I care because he does all that and is still considered a hero when I get stuck being a villain.","Matt: Yeah, because you kill people.","Enzo: What, and Stefan doesn't? Come on. You and I both know that's not true. I'm just up front about it, but Stefan, no, who knows what he's done? He's just a liar with a little box of secrets. Come on, Mush. Let's open the box.","( In Stefan's car, Sarah insists on sticking to her story )","Sarah: I told you Zach Salvatore is my father, Gail is my mother. I have these pictures.","Stefan: Ah. That's your big evidence, a picture you stole? You gave yourself up the second you got in the car.","Sarah: Why don't you believe me?","( Stefan stops the car and turns to Sarah )","Stefan: Because right now, Sarah Salvatore is in her dorm room at Duke university, where she studies as an art major, and she didn't bounce from group home to group home. She was adopted right out of the hospital by a great family. I made sure of it.","Sarah: You know her.","Stefan: She's my family. Even though she doesn't know me, I've looked out for her for her entire life. Now who the hell are you?","( Sarah gets out of the car and starts to run, but Stefan vamps over to block her way )","Sarah: Monique. My name is Monique.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ GILBERT HOUSE - PRISON WORLD ]","( Elena sits on the porch swing at her house. Damon slowly walks up the porch steps )","Damon: May 10, 1994, I had a day. I was mad at Stefan for something. I don't even remember what it was, and in typical Damon fashion, I acted out. People died. A lot of them, and believe it or not, ever since that day, I've felt horribly guilty. So I thought that this was my hell, Elena... But you know who didn't? Bonnie. She had hope for both of us. She's the reason I survived, the reason I made it out. Who knew? Turns out you spend time with someone and don't kill them, you actually become friends. I'm doing this for Bonnie, Elena, not for you. And that's it.","( Elena starts to smile. Damon sits next to Elena on the swing )","Elena: Damon and Bonnie. Who would have thought?","Damon: Pfft. Don't make this any weirder than it needs to be.","Elena: She's probably passing Whitmore right now.","Damon: If she's not lost. She has a terrible sense of direction.","( Elena laughs. She touches the chains holding the swing bench )","Elena: You know, I could have sworn that this used to squeak.","Damon: It did. I fixed it. Bonnie and I came here every day. It was the closest thing I had to a picture of you, and I needed every reminder I could get.","Elena: It's funny. I used to have so many good memories of this house, and after just one bad one, I burned it down. I just couldn't bear to look at it again. I just can't believe it's gone.","Damon: You want to go inside?","Elena: Yeah. Yeah, I do.","( They get up and go toward the front door. Elena pauses and turns to look at Damon )","Elena: I'm sorry I compelled away the memories. They were only half mine.","Damon: We'll make new ones.","( Damon smiles and touches her cheek. Elena looks unsure, but not unhappy. Suddenly, though, something starts to change )","Elena: Do you feel that?","Damon: Oh, no.","( Damon and Elena return to the real world )","Elena: No. No. We shouldn't be back yet. Damon, we have another hour.","( Elena sees Liv and Tyler and gets angry )","Elena: What did you do?","Tyler: Kai is here. We have to get back to Mystic Falls before he takes any more of her magic.","Elena: No. Send me back first.","Liv: I can't.","Elena: Bonnie was on her way. Send me back!","( Elena moves angrily toward them, but they're across the border and she starts to burn in the sunlight )","Damon: Elena, you're over the border.","( Elena stumbles backward back to safety )","Tyler: I'm sorry, Elena.","( They leave )","Elena: No. No.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ AT THE SIDE OF A ROAD ]","( Monique, aka Sarah, tells Stefan about who she really is )","Monique: I met Sarah at sleep-away camp, or as my foster family liked to call it, get the hell out of my house camp. Sarah had a great life. Me? Not so much. So when I found out that she had no desire to find her real family...","Stefan: You decided to find them for her.","Monique: Couldn't be any worse than what I had.","Stefan: Well, considering the fact that my brother killed her mom while she was pregnant, I don't know about that. I let him believe that the baby died. I wanted to protect her. Even though my brother's not the same person he was before, it's safer if he doesn't know. I know that may be a little bit extreme, but I want her to have a normal life no matter what. See, the problem is with you around, there's a threat now, someone who knows her other than me.","( Stefan moves toward her, and Monique backs away )","Stefan: I'm not gonna hurt you. I just need you to take off your Vervain.","( Monique takes off her vervain necklace and hands it to Stefan )","Stefan: ( compelling ) You've never met or heard of Sarah Salvatore. Forget everything that happened here, leave Virginia, and never come back.","( Monique starts to walk away when a car honks behind them. Stefan turns at the sound and sees it's Matt's truck )","Matt: Hey! You ok?","Monique: Who are you?","Matt: You compelled her? Why?","Stefan: She's not my family, she's a con artist, and I'm just trying to get rid of her. ( to Monique ) Get out of here.","( Monique starts to leave when Enzo vamps right up to her )","Monique: Aah! What the hell?","Enzo: ( compelling ) No screaming, luv, and don't move.","Matt: Enzo, what are you doing?","( Enzo grabs Monique and pulls her back against him )","Enzo: I want the whole story, the one not obscured by the dulcet tones of a blender.","Stefan: I told you she's a con artist. There is no Sarah Salvatore. That baby died when Damon killed her mom.","Enzo: Then why listen to this one babble on for 20 minutes, why whisk her away to speak privately, hmm? Why wipe her memory, Stefan? She knows something.","Stefan: Come on. Don't do this. Just let her go.","Enzo: See? He's digging in. Can always spot a liar. How about a countdown? That's fair for everyone, right? 5 seconds. 4...3...","Matt: Enzo, let her go, or I swear...","Enzo: You'll what?","Matt: I will kill you.","Enzo: Will you? Because Stefan's 5 seconds are up.","( Enzo snaps Monique's neck. Matt starts toward him )","Matt: No!","( Stefan restrains him )","Stefan: Don't be stupid. Don't be stupid.","Enzo: Just think. All of this could have been avoided if you'd have just told the truth. No matter. I'll find out sooner or later.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS CEMETERY ]","( Elena sits with Damon at her parents' gravestone )","Elena: Bonnie's gonna get to the house, and we will be gone.","Damon: Until the next comet, or full moon, or eclipse. As long as we have that, we can go back as many times as we need until we get her back.","( Suddenly Kai shows up )","Kai: Wait. Are you guys talking about Bonnie Bennett? Because honestly, I didn't think she was all that great.","( Kai magicks the Ascendant out of Elena's hands. It smashes against a tree and breaks )","Elena: No!","( Elena scrambles to collect the pieces. Damon stands up and moves toward Kai )","Damon: I am gonna enjoy the hell out of this.","( Kai disables Damon with excruciating pain in his head )","Kai: Oh, hey. Me, too. Oh, yeah. Damon, I, uh, I stole some of Liv's magic when I tried to kill her. Think some of it might still be in my system, so pardon me.","( Kai makes Damon slide away, then walks toward Elena. He picks up a piece of the Ascendant )","Kai: Uh-uh-uh. You missed one. Phesmatos incendia.","( He drops it into Elena's hands with the rest of the pieces, and it bursts into flame. The fire spreads up Elena's arm. Damon, revived, vamps toward Kai, who suddenly disappears. Damon picks up a large tree branch and swings it, hitting Kai, who becomes visible again and gets pelted over the anti-magic border. The fire on Elena's arm goes away )","Damon: You ok?","( Elena nods, gasping )","Kai: Huh. I guess this is that, uh, antimagic border, which means now there's a psycho loose in Mystic Falls and no vampires around to stop him. Whoops.","( Kai walks away, and Elena and Damon share look )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ AT THE SIDE OF A ROAD ]","( Stefan finishes putting Monique into the bed of Matt's truck )","Stefan: Look. I'm sorry that Enzo killed her. He's...","Matt: A monster. Yeah, I know, but you could have stopped him, and you didn't.","Stefan: What, you think that was easy for me, watching an innocent girl die?","Matt: I don't know actually. You're not exactly the sharing type.","Stefan: Matt, I promise you that everything I do I have thought out over and over, making sure it's the right thing to do.","Matt: So we're just supposed to trust that you know best?","Stefan: No. You're supposed to trust that I'm nothing like Enzo.","Matt: The problem is you are, because no matter how close vampires get to humans, our lives will always mean less, so when push comes to shove, we'll be on opposite sides, which is what Tripp knew and I didn't.","( Matt gets into his car and drives away )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ SALVATORE MANSION ]","( Jeremy pours himself a glass of bourbon. His phone rings and he answers )","Elena: Jeremy?","Jeremy: Let me guess. She's not with you?","Elena: She was on her way, but...","Jeremy: But at the last minute, something went wrong, and it didn't work. I bet Damon's fine, isn't he?","( Jeremy hangs up and picks up his glass. Matt arrives behind him carrying vampire hunter weapons )","Matt: Don't do that.","Jeremy: Why not?","Matt: Because I think channeling your rage might be a better option. How do you feel about being a hunter again?","Jeremy: Why?","Matt: Because I want you to help me kill Enzo.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS CEMETERY ]","( Alaric meets up with Damon )","Alaric: So Jo drove me across the border. I told her she was crazy, that you'd never compel me.","Damon: Look, Ric.","( Alaric punches Damon )","Damon: We had to get Bonnie back.","Alaric: Getting Bonnie back was never off the table. What was off the table was compelling me to steal from my girlfriend when we had promised her we'd keep her brother locked way.","Damon: Yeah, I know.","Alaric: Where is he - Kai?","Damon: He's out, but it's not our fa...","( Alaric punches Damon again and leaves. Elena walks up behind Damon and puts a hand on his shoulder )","Damon: I left Bonnie a note at the house. I told her we would be on your front porch.","( In the prison world, Bonnie runs to the porch of the Gilbert house and opens the door )","Damon: She'd probably be there now with about a half an hour to spare.","( Bonnie realizes they're not in there and continues looking around the porch )","Damon: She sacrificed everything for us over and over again, and then we were supposed to be there for her.","( Bonnie realizes they're gone )","Damon (V.O.): She's all alone.","( Bonnie fights her emotions. Elena's eyes tear up. Bonnie breaks down on the porch in despair, sobbing )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LOCKWOOD MANSION ]","( Tyler walks in the front door. Kai stands up in the shadowed sitting room )","Kai: I think gin gets a bad rap.","( Tyler drops his bag and starts moving toward Kai, but Kai breaks an empty bottle against the wall and holds the jagged edge against Tyler's throat )","Kai: I'd rather not kill you, but I will.","Tyler: What the hell do you want?","Kai: This is gonna sound crazy, but I'm wanting to save Liv's life. Feel like making a deal with the devil?","[ END ]"],"Show Title":"The Vampire Diaries","Episode Number":"06x09","Episode Title":"I Alone","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Vampire_Diaries_06x10.json","Recap":["Seen in flashbacks ranging from 2007 to 2009, high school students Elena, Bonnie and Caroline are decorating the school Christmas tree and enjoying a simpler time. In the present day, Kai kidnaps Jo and with Liv and Luke's help, he locates the knife where Jo had hidden her magic and forces Jo to take it back by stabbing her, but she tells him that for that to work she has to be willing to do it because she put it there also willingly. Luke leaves saying that he does not want to be a part of Jo's murder. Jo tells Kai that she may bleed out if he does not do anything and that all his efforts will be vain, so he leaves to go fetch some bandages and leaves Liv with the mission to find a way to give Jo her magic back. Meanwhile the sheriff is brought to the hospital where it is revealed that she has a tumor on her brain, and Stefan says to Caroline that she will die because vampire's blood cannot heal her. Jeremy and Matt trap Enzo with the intent of killing him but Matt wants to kill him slowly, which Jeremy finds a little harsh but Matt is determined. Liv tries to convince Jo to take her magic telling her that she may be able to beat Kai in the merge because of how well she has done without magic for 18 years. Kai comes back and tries to kill Liv which forces Jo to take back her magic. Damon and Alaric came to the rescue to find out that Jo has her magic back. They trick Kai and send him out of border where Alaric puts a gun on his temple but Jo comes out and asks him not to kill him because she might be able to beat him in the merge, and that she needs a little time to get strong. They chained him in Mystic Falls where he cannot use any magic but after a while, Kai drains the magic from the travelers' spell, something that also breaks the spell surrounding Mystic Falls. Matt brings Enzo past the border of Mystic Falls but Enzo cannot die due to Kai absorbing all the magic. Enzo turns on Matt telling him that he will let him live if he helps him take away all things that makes Stefan happy. Damon and Stefan come back to their home in Mystic Falls, and when Elena arrives, Damon cannot see her because of Kai's cloaking spell. Kai kidnaps Elena."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Elena: What about Bonnie?","Damon: She sacrificed herself so I could come back.","Elena: She's all alone I'm sorry I compelled away the memories.","Damon: We'll make new ones.","Caroline: I hate you for ruining our friendship, and I think that I deserve better than that.","Matt: Enzo, let her go, or I swear...","Matt: No!","Matt: How do you feel about being a hunter again?","Jeremy: Why?","Matt: Because I want you to help me kill Enzo.","Damon: Get the ascendant from Jo.","Alaric: I understand.","Jo: Damon is a vampire.","Alaric: Are you saying Damon compelled me? He wouldn't do that. He's my friend.","Alaric: Jo drove me across the border.","Damon: Look, Ric.","Luke: My coven put Kai in a prison world.","Elena: Kai?","Jo: As in our brother, my twin.","Jo: In our coven's tradition, the twins merge their strength. The stronger one wins, absorbing their twin's power. The weaker one dies.","Tyler: I'm not gonna let you die.","Tyler: Kai is here.","Kai: I guess this is that, uh, antimagic border, which means now there's a psycho loose in Mystic Falls and no vampires around to stop him.","Tyler: What the hell do you want?","Kai: Feel like making a deal with the devil?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WHITMORE MEDICAL CENTER ]","( Jo is at the hospital and it's pretty busy. She calls Ric )","Jo: How much are you gonna want to kill me if I need to rain check tonight?","Alaric: What happened?","Jo: I have a possible 480 hit-and-run on campus, one DOA, 4 reds en route.","Alaric: Have your previous boyfriends understood this language you speak?","Jo: I'm gonna miss dinner. So you're my boyfriend now? ( beat ) There's no hospital code for awkward silence.","( They laugh )","Jo: Give me two hours. Save me dinner.","( Jo hangs up and gets back to work )","Woman: Doctor, we have a young female with abdominal wounds.","Jo: Put her in T3. I need 10 milligrams of morphine. Mine's conscious.","Other Doctor: See a lot of blood, no broken bones. Making any sense to you?","Jo: No, it's not. What happened to you? Were you hit by a car?","Female victim: I can't breathe.","( The other doctor by the next bed collapses )","Jo: It's ok. You can tell me what really happened. Sweetheart? Look at me.","( Kai gets up from another bed, covered in blood but apparently unharmed. The girl sees him and her pulse skyrockets as she hyperventilates )","Jo: What happened to you?","( Kai walks up behind Jo and restrains her )","Kai: I stabbed her.","( Kai injects Jo with a sedative. The female patient screams )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS, 2007 ]","( The town is gathered for Christmas festivities. Elena is putting marshmallows in her hot chocolate when a snowball hits her )","Elena: Unh!","( She turns around and sees Bonnie )","Bonnie: Sorry. Had to.","Elena: You know you just declared war, right?","Bonnie: Come on. Caroline's over there.","( They walk together, laughing )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS - PRISON WORLD ]","( Bonnie drags a tree toward the high school","Bonnie: Come on.","[i]( The eclipse starts and Bonnie looks up at it )","Bonnie: Heh. Nope. I'm not noticing you. Today's not may 10, 1994. Today's the tree decorating ceremony, and you are not telling me otherwise.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WHITMORE COLLEGE ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Caroline talks to her mom on the phone while walking to her dorm room )","Caroline: I just figured that we were skipping Christmas this year, you know, considering the part where I die if I cross the border into my hometown.","Liz: What happened to Christmas being your favorite time of the year?","Caroline: Was my favorite time of year when I could actually live in my own house and help decorate the town tree and drink hot cocoa with my friends.","( Caroline arrives at her room and finds her mom inside, surrounded by boxes of Christmas decorations )","Caroline: What are you doing? You're supposed to be at the Mystic Falls tree decorating ceremony.","Liz: I'm playing hooky this year. I figure just because you can't come home for the holidays doesn't mean the holidays can't come to you.","Caroline: You even brought our favorite ornaments. Mom!","( Stefan arrives with two boxes of Christmas lights )","Stefan: Hey. I, uh, didn't know which ones to get, so I got both.","Caroline: What are you doing here?","Stefan: Your mom needed Christmas lights.","( Caroline turns her ire on her mom )","Liz: You have a huge dorm, and I thought we could use an extra set of hands.","( Caroline glares at her mom, who glares right back. Caroline turns back to Stefan, who holds up both boxes )","Caroline: The little ones, obviously.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WHITEMORE BAR ]","( Elena and Damon sit at a table, which is covered with old books. Damon rests his head on one of the open books. Elena looks at him, smiling, and Damon cracks an eye open )","Damon: Are you watching me sleep?","Elena: No. I'm watching you drool all over Ric's textbooks, and considering you're already on his bad side...","Damon: I don't drool.","( Damon lifts his head up, looks at the book, and wipes his chin )","Damon: Hmm. Ohh. What time is it?","Elena: Time for Ric to get a new reference library. We've been looking all night. I swear I haven't found anything that even remotely resembles an Ascendant.","Damon: Well, we haven't looked hard enough. Let's get to it.","( Elena stares at Damon )","Damon: Find anything yet?","Elena: Nope.","Damon: Still staring.","Elena: It's just... Everything you've been doing for Bonnie. Thank you.","Damon: She'd do it for us.","( Elena's phone vibrates and she answers the call )","Elena: Hello, Ric.","Alaric: Have you seen Jo?","Elena: No, not since yesterday.","( Alaric sighs )","Damon: Why?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ALARIC'S PLACE ]","Elena: So I asked around the hospital. No one's seen Jo since last night at the ER. A bunch of stab victims came in, and one of them's missing, as well.","Alaric: It was Kai. Jo knew he'd come after her, and he did.","Damon: Not to give you boyfriend lessons or anything, but if you knew Jo's whackjob brother was out on the loose and after her, don't you think that keeping an eye on her would have been a smart move?","Alaric: And what would you have had me do, Damon, ask you to compel Jo to stay put?","( Damon nods )","Elena: Guys, if Kai has Jo, we need a plan.","Damon: Plan's easy. Find Kai, fftt, kill Kai. Mmhmm.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LOCKWOOD MANSION ]","Tyler: Bottom line, we need to keep Kai alive.","Luke: You think I'm gonna protect the guy who chased us around the house with a baseball bat when we were 4?","Liv: Luke's right, Tyler. You're on some serious crack.","Tyler: Right now, you two are stuck doing the twinmerge for your coven, ok? That means one lives, one dies, but if we help Kai and he finds a way to merge with Jo, it's not your problem anymore.","Luke: Until Kai becomes the most powerful witch in our coven and goes on a killing spree. Something tells me that's gonna become our problem.","Liv: What does he want us to do exactly?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ALARIC'S PLACE ]","( Damon is on the phone with Matt )","Damon: Just think sociopathic Ryan Reynolds.","Matt: Haven't seen him.","Damon: Grunge vibe, annoying as hell.","Matt: Still no idea.","Damon: Well, if he has half a brain, he will be hiding where vampires can't find him. So in between levels of Mario Kart, can you and little baby Gilbert maybe keep an eye out?","Matt: Yeah, got it. If we see him, we'll let you know.","( They hang up. Jeremy joins Matt in the room where Tripp tortured Enzo )","Jeremy: Who was that?","Matt: It was Damon. Apparently, there's a psychopath roaming Mystic Falls.","Jeremy: You tell him we're busy hunting down a psychopath roaming outside Mystic Falls?","Matt: Must have forgot to mention it. Look. You better get out of here. Enzo's gonna be here soon.","Jeremy: Let's kill a vampire.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ALARIC'S PLACE ]","Damon: Well, Bevis and Butthead are on the lookout. Anyone else brimming with confidence?","Alaric: I mean, this just doesn't make sense.","Damon: What could possibly not make sense about magical twins absorbing into one another?","Alaric: Listen. Jo needs her magic for the merge to work, ok, and she got rid of that back in 1994.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LOCKWOOD MANSION ]","Tyler: Kai said Jo hid her magic in a knife somewhere.","Liv: It's probably back in Portland, where she got rid of it in 1994.","Tyler: He checked. The knife's not there. He thinks someone took it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ALARIC'S PLACE ]","Damon: Jo doesn't have magic because it's stuffed in a knife that was stolen and hidden by yours truly. Kai won't find it.","Alaric: Yeah, unless Kai does a locator spell.","Damon: It's impossible.","Alaric: Why?","Elena: Kai was born without the ability to do magic.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LOCKWOOD MANSION ]","Liv: Let me guess. Kai wants us to do a locator spell on the knife.","Tyler: If we find it, Jo can get her magic back, Kai can merge with her, and you and Luke","live.","Luke: This is ridiculous. This is our job. Merging is our duty to the coven. It's why we were born.","Liv: No. We were born because our coven decided that Jo wasn't strong enough to beat Kai. Why should we have to die because our sister's too weak to defeat our psychopath of a brother?","Luke: You know, a month ago, the thought of bowing out never even occurred to you.","Liv: That's because Kai wasn't here a month ago, but he's here now. Luke, we don't have to do this. We have a chance to live out normal, human lives. We could actually be happy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ ALARIC'S PLACE ]","Alaric: If the only way to restore Jo's magic is to reunite her with that knife, Kai's gonna come for it.","Elena: Ric's right. Even if Kai can't do the locator spell, he's gonna make it his mission to find it.","Damon: Kai finds it. Great. Love it.","Elena: Why aren't you more concerned?","Damon: Because if Kai goes for the knife, I will kill him because the knife is right here where I hid it. Tada!","( Damon takes down a picture frame from the wall and open the back. There's nothing there )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS CEMETERY ]","( Inside a mausoleum, Kai holds the knife that contains Jo's magic )","Kai: I know I tried to kill you when you were toddlers, but I got to say, it sure is nice to be around family for the holidays.","( Liv and Luke glance uneasily at Jo, who is tied up and unconscious on the ground )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS - PRISON WORLD ]","( Bonnie hangs popcorn garland on her tree )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS, 2007 ]","( Caroline joins her mom )","Caroline: Dad's not here yet.","Liz: Oh, yeah. You know what? He's not gonna make it. You remember his friend Steven? He needed help moving a couch or something, so he's gonna miss out.","Caroline: But it's an undeclared law that the sheriff and her husband put the star on the tree!","Liz: Then we will just have to let the Lockwoods have the honors this year.","Caroline: Is something going on between you two?","Liz: It'll be fine, I promise.","Caroline: Mom, I'm a freshman in High School, ok? I can handle adult conversations.","Liz: No worrying during the holidays, ok? And that tree is not gonna decorate itself. Go.","( Caroline smiles and leaves. Elena and Bonnie are threading popcorn to make garlands )","Elena: Well, maybe you'll meet a cute surfer.","Bonnie: Doubtful. My dad's conference is two hours away from any beach.","Caroline: Ahh! Cute surfer? Where?","Elena: Nowhere. Bonnie's dad is dragging her on a work trip, so I'm gonna ask my parents if she can spend the holiday with us.","Bonnie: Are you serious?","Elena: Yeah. The 3 of us have never spent Christmas apart. I plan on keeping it that way, even though Jeremy will hate it. It's always fun to torture him.","Bonnie: Oh! I love you. Almost as much as I love torturing Jeremy.","Caroline: Ok, great! Now that Christmas is saved, let's get these garlands on the tree before they end up on your hips.","( Caroline leaves. Bonnie and Elena look at each other and eat some more popcorn, smiling )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CAROLINE AND ELENA'S DORM ROOM ]","( Caroline is hanging the lights up and Stefan joins her to help )","Stefan: Here. I got it.","Caroline: What are you doing here?","Stefan: Well, your mom asked for my help.","Caroline: No, Stefan. What are you doing here? Because if you think hanging a few stands of light is gonna make me forget what a crappy friend you've been, then you thought wrong.","Stefan: Caroline, I'm trying, ok?","Caroline: You're trying? No. This is the easy part, ok? We're hanging Christmas lights. Anyone can be friends when you're hanging Christmas lights.","( Liz returns carrying a tray with cups )","Liz: Who wants hot chocolate?","Stefan: I was just leaving.","( Stefan leaves. Liz frowns at Caroline, who goes back to the lights. Suddenly Liz looks faint and drops the tray. She braces herself against a chair )","Caroline: Mom?!","Liz: Oh, wow. I just got really...","( Stefan vamps back into the room and catches Liz as she collapses. Caroline rushes over )","Caroline: Mom! You ok?","( Her mom nods, but still looks a little out of it )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS CEMETERY ]","( Kai drags a stick in the dirt )","Liv: What the hell is he doing?","Luke: Probably playing tictactoe with himself like a crazy person.","Kai: This is the antimagic border. Jo can get her magic back over there while over here...","( Suddenly Jo's voice is heard from a distance )","Jo: Hey. What did you do to me?","Kai: Sissy's up.","( Liv and Luke follow Kai back into the mausoleum where Jo is, rattling the chains around her wrists )","Jo: What the hell did you do to me?","Kai: I haven't seen you in 18 years. You can't muster a hello?","Jo: What did you guys do?","Liv: What you should have done 18 years ago.","Jo: It's not gonna work Kai. I don't have my...","Kai: Magic. Yeah. Yeah. I recall. You stored it in this.","( Kai stabs Jo in the arm with the knife, and she cries out )","Luke: What the hell?","Kai: I'm trying to reunite Jo with her...","( He stabs her again )","Kai: Magic. It's not working.","Luke: Enough, enough, man.","( Kai shoves Luke against a wall and poises the knife over his throat )","Kai: I was wanting to kill you when your brain was the size of an acorn. You don't think I'll do it now?","( Kai lets up )","Luke: Whatever. I'm not watching this.","( Luke leaves and Kai laughs )","Kai: Oh, so dramatic. All right. Sissy... Let's try this again.","Jo: Stop. I put my magic in there by choice. Taking it back is also my choice unless I bleed to death, which will happen in the next 30 minutes. Heh. Wouldn't it be ironic if you accidentally killed me before the merge ceremony?","( Kai appears to consider this then makes a decision )","Kai: I'm going to find a bandage while you figure out how to put the magic in this knife into our sister.","( Kai hands the knife to Liv )","Kai: Preferably by the time I get back so I don't have to dull it by slitting your throat.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WHITMORE MEDICAL CENTER ]","( Elena joins Caroline at the hospital outside of Liz' room )","Elena: Hey!","Caroline: Hey.","Elena: What happened?","Caroline: I don't know. She just collapsed. One second, we're decorating, and then the next, she's just on the ground. Maybe she forgot to eat. You know, sometimes, she skips breakfast.","Elena: And when was the last time you ate, Caroline, as in fed?","Caroline: Oh, God. Now you sound like Stefan. He just went to go find something to take the edge off.","Caroline: They have her sedated. She's going to be asleep for a while. Can you just come and distract me?","( Elena sits next to Caroline on a bench in the hallway )","Caroline: How's the search for the new Ascendant thingy?","Elena: Not good. Damon and I spent the night researching.","Caroline: God. Poor Bonnie. Do you think she knows it's Christmas? You know she never liked being away from us at Christmas.","Elena: I don't know. It's probably better that she doesn't know, though.","Caroline: So are you and Damon...","Elena: I know what you're thinking, and no.","Caroline: Actually, I was going to say that I think it's great how he's always been there for you when it mattered, you know, through thick and thin, good times and bad times. Maybe I haven't given him enough credit.","Elena: You're clearly malnourished.","( They laugh )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LOCKWOOD MANSION \/ WHITMORE DORMITORY ]","( Tyler talks to Damon on the phone )","Damon: Bet you think you're pretty clever, don't you?","Tyler: Is this Damon? Why don't I have your number saved?","Damon: Well, you weren't in your dorm room, and your pouty little goth friend wasn't in hers.","Tyler: It's creepy you know where Liv's dorm room is.","Damon: Let me guess. You 3 idiots figured that Kai merging with Jo benefits you and Liv. Now I'm not sure exactly how Luke fits into that yet, but I'll use my imagination.","Tyler: I'm trying to keep my girlfriend alive. Sound familiar?","( Tyler hangs up. At the dorm, Luke is walking down the hall and he spots Damon, who grins. Luke starts to walk the other way but Damon vamps over to block him )","Damon: We both knew that wasn't gonna work. Where's Jo?","Luke: I'm not telling you, and before you threaten to rip my head off, remember, all that does is guarantee Kai having to merge with Jo.","Damon: Is that what you people think of me, that I just instantly resort to violence? I just have a question. I mean, look. I get why you don't want to merge with Liv, ok, because no one wants to see that face with her hair. I get it, but what makes you think Kai merging with Jo is any smarter? I mean, I heard he killed 4 of your siblings, and that was without magic. Eh, it'll be fine. I'm sure when Kai gets all that power he's just gonna mellow right on out. Heh.","( Damon turns and starts walking )","Luke: Stop.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ SMALL WAREHOUSE ]","( Enzo enters, joining Matt )","Enzo: And here I thought we were meeting for tea and crumpets.","Matt: I'm giving you information about a girl who's supposed to be Stefan's long lost niece. I'm not exactly interested in him finding out.","Enzo: And why are you helping me? I thought you unfriended me when I killed that little con artist.","Matt: Monique. Her name was Monique.","Enzo: Eh, two names actually... First Sarah, then Monique, probably others. I asked you why you're helping me.","Matt: She knew something that Stefan didn't want her to know, and for some screwed up reason, you're obsessed with knowing Stefan's secrets. Probably because he has everything you'll never have.","Enzo: Answer the bloody question. Why are you helping me?","Matt: Because I want this obsession to take you the hell away from here. This is all the information Monique told me about her past. Take it and get out.","( Matt hands Enzo a thick dossier. Enzo opens it and it's full of blank pages. Enzo laughs grimly, then turns around with vamp speed in time to catch an arrow Jeremy just fired at him )","Enzo: Think I didn't plan for that?","( While Enzo faces Jeremy, Matt stabs him in the neck. Enzo rounds back on Matt, pushing him against the wall. Jeremy shoots Enzo in the back with a wooden stake. Matt punches Enzo out, and Enzo falls to the ground )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WHITMORE MEDICAL CENTER ]","( Elena joins Stefan, who is observing the doctors through the window )","Elena: Caroline could really use whatever's in that cup.","( There are a lot of doctors in Liz room )","Elena: Is it just me, or does that look really bad for somebody who just fainted?","Stefan: That doctor just came over from radiology. I overheard her say \"glioblastoma.\"","Elena: Glioblastoma? No, but that... no. No, no.","Stefan: We brought her in a couple of weeks ago after Tripp's guys grabbed here. Doctors ran some tests, and apparently they found something suspicious.","Elena: No, but that doesn't make sense, Stefan. Caroline would have said something.","Stefan: Or maybe her mom hasn't told her yet.","( Elena vamps over to a doctor that just came out of the sheriff's room )","Elena: ( compelling ) What's going on with Liz Forbes?","Doctor: Her recent MRI showed a lesion on her brainstem. We think it's metastasized to her spine.","Elena: C-can you operate?","Doctor: If the tumor's already spread, it would be impossible.","Elena: But that would mean... Does she know?","Doctor: For a few weeks now, but news like this takes time to digest.","( The doctor leaves. Elena looks over at Stefan, speechless )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ SMALL WAREHOUSE ]","( Matt and Jeremy drag Enzo across the room )","Jeremy: Ugh. Wouldn't it be a billion times easier just to stake him in the heart?","Matt: Yeah, but he wouldn't suffer. Get the door.","Jeremy: Wait. This isn't about making him suffer. It's about making sure he doesn't kill anyone else.","Matt: He just killed an innocent girl, Jer. He deserves to suffer.","Jeremy: Dude, you sound like Tripp.","Matt: You mean the guy whose neck Enzo slit open for trying to protect innocent people?","Jeremy: I'm just saying you're being a little intense.","Matt: Maybe that's the problem, Jer. We've all been looking the other way because we're friends with vampires, but how many people need to die for us to face the fact that vampires also kill people?","Jeremy: So what, you'd do the same thing to Stefan? What about Elena or Caroline?","Matt: Just help me get him to the van.","Jeremy: Look. I know how you feel. I was supernaturally programmed to take out my sister, remember, but this whole us versus them thing is gonna drive you crazy, and it's gonna get you killed.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS CEMETERY ]","( Liv puts a hand over Jo's wound )","Jo: Hey. It will be ok. Just needed to get rid of Kai so you could free me.","Liv: Look, Jo. You can't run away from this anymore. You've had 18 years of freedom. Now take your magic back and do this. You owe it to the coven.","Jo: Is that what you think, that I've been shirking my responsibility to our family?","Liv: Luke's all I've got. If we merge and he dies... I may as well be dead, too.","Jo: If Kai merges with me, he'll be more powerful than any of us.","Liv: Did it ever occur to you that maybe you're strong enough to beat him? You were 22 the last time you went up against him. Since then, you've been a combat medic, you've saved hundreds of lives, and your hospital worships you.","Jo: Someone's done her research.","Liv: You're my sister, and I'm yours. Look how far you've come without magic. You didn't get here listening to people tell you you weren't strong enough.","( Liv starts to hand the knife back to Jo, but Kai grabs her from behind and takes some magic )","Jo: Liv!","Kai: Can't say I didn't warn her.","( Liv falls to the ground )","Kai: Phesmatos superous em animi...","( Liv grabs her head in pain, her nose bleeding )","Jo: Kai, stop!","Kai: Isn't it gonna be funny when I kill her using her own magic? Wait. Is that funny or sad? I get my emotions mixed up. Hey. What's the one for fire again? It's \"incendia,\" right? Phesmatos...","Jo: Kai, enough!","( Jo picks up the knife and starts taking her magic back )","Jo: Lectos espiritox.","( Outside, Alaric and Damon arrive )","Damon: That's it? We're gonna kill bad guys together, and you're not gonna talk to me?","Alaric: Look. You blew up your car, you needed a ride. Doesn't mean we have to talk.","Damon: All right. Look. I agree that maybe compelling you to betray your lady friend was an irrational decision stemming from untreated control issues.","( Alaric stops and looks at Damon, scoffs, then continues walking )","Damon: What?","( Alaric ignores Damon, so Damon vamps over in front of Alaric )","Damon: I'm sorry, Ric.","Alaric: Is that it?","Damon: Yeah.","Alaric: Great. Let's finish this.","( Back at the mausoleum, Jo finishes taking her magic back. Kai crouches down in front of her and puts his hands on her face, feeling the magic )","Kai: There it is. Oh, so predictable. I threaten Liv, you do anything it takes to save Liv.","Jo: Fractos.","( Jo breaks off the chains on her wrists. Outside, someone whistles. Kai goes outside and after a few seconds, Damon vamps at him and shoves him )","Damon: Cemetery, really?","Kai: Motus.","( Damon stumbles backward over the anti-magic border and starts to burn in the sunlight until he steps back over it )","Kai: Oh, whoops. Looks like you found the anti-magic border. Drew a line in the dirt for everyone's convenience. See? Yeah. You're welcome.","( Kai is standing on the other side of the border when Alaric comes up behind him, grabs him and puts a gun to Kai's head )","Damon: Thank you. Kill him.","Jo: Alaric, don't!","Alaric: What are you talking about?","Damon: She's lightheaded and confused. I'll give her some of my blood, ok? Kill him.","Jo: No, you can't. If Kai dies, Liv and Luke have to do the merge. It's not fair to them.","Damon: Who cares? Kill him.","Jo: Ric, don't. I can win. I can beat Kai. I just need a little time to get stronger.","Damon: We're moved truly. ( to Ric ) Kill him now.","Jo: I'll figure out a way to win. Please you have to trust me. Keep him alive.","Damon: Ric.","( Alaric knocks Kai out with the butt of his gun )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LOCKWOOD MANSION ]","( Luke packs a bag when Tyler approaches him )","Tyler: Why the hell did you tell Damon where they were?","Luke: Because I realized listening to you two was a huge mistake. Kai's a monster.","Tyler: So you'll just risk your sister's life? How the hell does that make sense? Hey! I'm talking to you.","( Tyler starts to grab Luke's arm when Liv comes in the front door )","Liv: Everyone, chill! Jo thinks she can beat Kai.","Luke: You and I both know that's crap. Kai's a million times stronger. She'll die, and the first thing Kai's gonna do is kill everyone in our coven as punishment for putting him away, and then he'll turn on innocent people because he's crazy and bored and homicidal.","Liv: Fine. Then I'm selfish, Luke, but I'd rather be alive and selfish than this dead martyr who served her purpose to her coven.","Luke: People are gonna die, and it's gonna be our fault. Remember that.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WHITMORE MEDICAL CENTER ]","( Stefan is sitting on a bench in the hallway at the hospital. Elena joins him )","Elena: Are you ok?","Stefan: There's a 22-year-old sociopathic witch running around Mystic Falls right now. That we have a plan for. We've dealt with every kind of evil there is, and we always have a plan, but this... If Caroline loses her mom, it'll destroy her.","Elena: I know.","Stefan: She doesn't deserve this, Elena. She's a good person. She's happy, she's kind.","Elena: I know. I should tell her. It's only a matter of time before she compels a doctor, and I don't want her finding out from a stranger, you know?","Stefan: Let me do it.","( Stefan gets up )","Elena: No, Stefan. You don't have to.","Stefan: Let Damon know. I should tell Caroline. I haven't been there for her. Caroline needed me, and I ran away. So... yeah, I have to do it.","( Stefan leaves )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS CEMETERY ]","( Jo walks with Alaric to his car )","Alaric: I guess we'll just lock up your brother until you two, you know...","Jo: Merge our twin powers during the next celestial event?","Alaric: Yeah. There really is no sugarcoating that, is there?","Jo: For the record, I've dated doctors and lawyers and a couple of artist types, but none of my previous boyfriends would have ever understood that.","( They smile at each other )","Alaric: Here. Let me, uh...","( Alaric gets a blanket out of the car and wraps it around Jo. They kiss )","Jo: Be careful.","( Back by the mausoleum, Damon throws rocks at the large headstone Kai is chained to on the other side )","Kai: So this whole antimagic thing, is it like a... Like a dome or a bubble? Like, say, you were in 747 flying over Mystic Falls, would you die? You know, that could be dangerous, like if you're headed to New York and your pilot reroutes for weather.","Damon: How's this? I kill you, and when you're in hell, you can ask a bar full of dead travelers, who cast the damn spell.","Damon: That's a lot of travelers. Must be a pretty big spell. ( quietly ) Like a really big spell. So big... It covers every inch of an entire town.","( Kai touches the ground, thoughtful. Alaric drives his car up to the border and gets out )","Alaric: What the hell are you doing?","Damon: I'm working on my knuckleball.","Alaric: We are keeping him alive, Damon.","Damon: Can I ask why we continuously compromise logic for some girl you just met?","Alaric: You know, I don't know how I went so long without saying this, but you're a real dick.","Damon: Bonnie's stuck over there because of him. She's over there, and I'm over here, and I hate myself for it.","Alaric: Yeah, and killing him will make you feel better, so let's just stop pretending for a second that this is about anyone else but you.","( Damon throws a rock at one of the tires on Alaric's car, hard enough to puncture it )","Damon: You should probably go change that tire.","( Meanwhile, Kai is drawing the Travelers' magic from the earth )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS - PRISON WORLD ]","( Bonnie drags an extension cord toward her tree )","Bonnie: Ok, tree. Let's do this.","( She plugs it in and the tree lights up )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS, 2009 ]","( The town is gathered around the Christmas tree while Liz addresses them. Elena and Bonnie stand together, giggling )","Liz: Now that's what I call a Christmas tree. Isn't that gorgeous? The holidays are all about being with loves ones, and I think that's what makes this tradition so special in our town. It's a reminder that no matter where you turn you have a friend.","( The crowd applauses. Elena and Bonnie say \"aw\" and put their heads together. Caroline joins them )","Caroline: Biggest mistake of junior year... Including the boys in secret santa. Stefan is officially the worst gift giver.","Elena: He got you a snow globe?","Caroline: Yeah, of Mystic Falls, as if I don't see enough of this town every day as it is.","Bonnie: Well, I love my bracelet.","Caroline: Of course you do because I am good at secret santa, and I didn't purchase it from a quick stop.","Elena: Looks like someone is missing the true meaning of Christmas. Come on. We're happy and healthy, and we're together.","( They wrap their arms around each other )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WHITMORE MEDICAL CENTER ]","( Caroline sits on a bench in the hall, holding the snow globe Stefan gave her a few years ago. Stefan walks up to her )","Stefan: Hey.","Caroline: Hey. Uh, there's no news. Apparently, they're still running tests.","Stefan: Caroline... We need to talk.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS CEMETERY ]","( Wind is blowing hard and Damon tries to hear Elena on the phone )","Damon: Hey. Where are you? I can't hear you.","Elena: I'm at the medical center. Where are you? Reception's horrible. Damon, can you hear me?","Damon: Hey. Elena!","( Damon loses the connection. Kai continues to draw power from the earth while the wind rises. Meanwhile, at the high school, Jeremy walks through a crowd standing around the Christmas tree. When someone plugs in the lights, a few of them burst. Elsewhere, Matt's radio in the van goes a little haywire. He hits it and turns it up. In the back, Enzo wakes up, hearing the music )","Enzo: Fancy something else? I always figured I'd bow out to the Everly brothers or...","( Matt shuts the slider behind him. Back at the cemetery, Damon gets up and walks toward Kai )","Damon: He stopped talking. He never stops talking.","( The chains on Kai's wrists melt off of him )","Kai: Magia tollox de terras. Utera aso utox.","Damon: What happened to his chains?","Alaric: Is he chanting?","Kai: Utera aso utox...","( Matt crosses the border into Mystic Falls. The roof of the van is open and Enzo starts to burn in the sun )","Kai: Magia tollox de terras. Utera aso utox.","( Matt gets out of the van and goes round to open the back. Enzo is lying still, and Matt reaches out to turn him over. Enzo moves with vampire speed and grabs Matt's throat, unaffected by the anti-magic spell )","Enzo: It's a Christmas miracle.","( Back at the cemetery, Kai gets up )","Damon: You little magic sucker. Sucked up all that magic from the traveler spell.","( Kai levitates Alaric and slams him into a tree )","Kai: A lot of magic.","( Damon rushes at Kai, shoving him against a tree. Kai shoves Damon off, and when Damon goes to punch him, Kai disappears )","Damon: Gah! I really, really hate that move.","( Damon hears Alaric groan and rushes over to him )","Damon: Ric! Hey. Come on. Take my damn hand, Ric. Come on.","( Alaric finally accepts Damon's help and gets up )","Alaric: How are you not dead?","( They look over at the line Kai had drawn in the dirt. They're both on the anti-magic side )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ A ROAD AT MYSTIC FALLS BORDER ]","( Enzo sits on the edge of the van, Matt sits further inside )","Enzo: If we've learned anything from today, it's that we should kill our enemies with haste.","Matt: Then what are you waiting for? Go ahead and kill me.","Enzo: I said enemies. Don't flatter yourself.","Matt: What do you want, Enzo?","Enzo: You were right. I am jealous of Stefan. He has what I want... Respect, family, girls he doesn't deserve. He throws it all away, and yet still somehow manages to come out winning. You are going to help me deplete every ounce of happiness from his life, and when there's nothing left, I'll decide if you get to live. Oh, and, uh, happy holidays.","( Enzo closes the doors to the back of the van )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ SALVATORE MANSION ]","( Damon talks to Elena on the phone while he walks in the front door )","Elena: You mean home home?","Damon: Ahh. Just walked through the front door, which I should probably start locking now that Kai's supercharged and on the prowl.","Elena: Let's just celebrate the fact that we can go home. I could really use some happy news right now. Today sucked.","Damon: I'm listening.","Elena: So look. I don't know what we were or are or what we're supposed to be, but all I know is that today was pretty horrible, and I just... I want to see you. I have something I need to tell you.","Damon: Come over. I'll cook you dinner, and we'll talk about our crappy days.","( Elsewhere at the hospital, Caroline and Stefan talk )","Caroline: That just doesn't make sense. My mom would have said something to me.","Stefan: We were worried, so... Elena compelled one of the doctors for information.","Caroline: Ok. So my mom has a brain tumor. Then we'll just give her vampire blood.","Stefan: Caroline, do you think that if our blood cured cancer we would have heard about that by now?","Caroline: Fine. Then when are they gonna operate?","Stefan: That's the problem. They can't.","Caroline: Ok. Well, if they can't operate, then they'll give her chemo, right?","Stefan: The tumor is growing so fast the doctors don't think that will work.","Caroline: Well, then they're wrong because they don't know her. They don't know how strong she is. I mean, she's gonna get through this, Stefan. Right?","( Caroline breaks down, and Stefan holds her. Elena hangs up the phone as she walks into the hall, and sees Caroline crying in Stefan's arms )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ MYSTIC FALLS - PRISON WORLD \/ REAL WORLD ]","( As Bonnie looks at her tree in the prison world, Jeremy stands by the tree in the real world )","Jeremy: We miss you, Bonnie.","Bonnie: I miss you guys.","( Jeremy walks away from the large, colorful tree in the real world. Bonnie sets fire to her small, simple tree with a lighted candle, and walks away from it as it burns )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ WHITMORE MEDICAL CENTER ]","( Caroline stands by her mom's bed, holding the snow globe )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ SALVATORE MANSION ]","( Damon hears the rumble of an engine outside )","Damon: That's not possible.","( He goes out the front door to see Stefan drive up in Damon's car )","Damon: What? This was gone. I blew this up.","Stefan: Yeah? Well, you weren't around to annoy me for the last 4 months, so I had a bit of extra time on my hands.","Damon: Ha!","Stefan: Think of it as a early merry Christmas\/late welcome back to life present.","( Damon takes the keys and the brothers hug )","Damon: Ha ha ha! Thank you.","Stefan: Hey. Just, uh, do me a favor. Don't die again. Those fenders were a real bitch to find.","Damon: Deal. Deal. Ha! Yeah.","( They walk back inside )","Damon: Well, we're home.","Stefan: Yep.","Damon: You sticking around?","Stefan: Well, that depends. Might have to kill Jeremy if I find out that he slept in my bed.","( Stefan leaves to go upstairs. Outside, Elena walks up to the door and sees the mistletoe. She knocks and Damon walks over and opens the door )","Elena: Mistletoe. Clever.","Damon: Hello. Anybody there?","Elena: Damon, what are you doing?","( Damon can't see Elena )","Elena: Are you gonna let me in or...","( Puzzled, Damon closes the door again )","Elena: Um... heh.","( Kai is standing behind Elena )","Kai: I may have put a cloaking spell on us.","( Elena whirls around )","Kai: How genius is that?","( Kai hits Elena with a weapon and knocks her down )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ END ]"],"Show Title":"The Vampire Diaries","Episode Number":"06x10","Episode Title":"Christmas Through Your Eyes","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_Walking_Dead_04x12.json","Recap":["Beth continues to travel with Daryl, and becomes distraught she might die before having a drink of alcohol, something Hershel prevented her from having. After scavenging through a country club and only finding peach schnapps, Daryl takes her to a cabin he had found earlier that was used to make moonshine, and tells her that is a proper drink. As they get inebriated, Daryl sadly discusses his past and what Merle meant to him. They decide to burn down the cabin as a way of putting their past behind them."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","I don't cry any more, Daryl. Are you okay? Just tired of losing people, so? I'm low on the ammo. Run by the bus. I'll cover you. Beth! Where is Beth? I'm just trying to find the kids, to get them on the bus. We gotta go back. We gotta go. We aren't the only survivors. We can't be.","( insects chirping )","( thunder rumbling )","( leaves rustling )","Come on.","( thunder rumbling )","( clicking )","( rustling )","Come on.","( walkers growling )","( thunder rumbles )","( walkers growling )","( thumping on car )","( thunder booms )","( growling intensifies )","( heavy pounding )","( growling, thunder stops )","( feet shuffling )","( pounding )","( birds chirping )","( theme music playing )","( clanging )","( rattling )","( hisses )","Beth: I need a drink.","Beth: No, I mean a real drink. As in alcohol. I've never had one. 'Cause of my dad. But he's not exactly","around anymore, so... I thought we could go find some. Okay. Well, enjoy your snake jerky. Jerk.","( growling )","( gasps )","( thuds )","( twig snaps )","Beth: I think we made it a way. I'm pretty sure we got to go that way to find the booze.","( clanging )","Beth: What the hell? You brought me back. I'm not staying in this suck-ass camp.","Hey!","Daryl: You had your fun.","Beth: What the hell is wrong with you? Do you feel anything? Yeah, you think everything's screwed. I guess that's a feeling. So you want to spend the rest of our lives staring into a fire and eating mud snakes? Screw that. We might as well do something. I can take care of myself and I'm gonna get a damn drink. Golfers like to booze it up, right? Come on. Might be people inside.","( thunder rumbling )","( rattling )","Come on.","( walkers snarling )","( snarling )","Beth: Why are you keeping all that stuff?","( banging on door )","Come on.","( water dripping )","( bottle clinks )","( pans clang )","( growling )","( gasps )","( grunting )","( panting )","Beth: Thanks for the help.","Daryl: You said you could take care of yourself. You did.","( clock chimes )","( ticking )","( gasps )","Beth: Help me take her down.","Daryl: It don't matter. She's dead.","Beth: It does matter.","Daryl: Here.","( clock ticking )","( clock chiming )","Okay.","( walkers growling )","Move.","( walkers growling )","( grunting )","( gasps )","( panting )","Beth: We made it. I know you think this is stupid. And it probably is. But I don't care. All I wanted to do today","was lay down and cry, but we don't get to do that. So beat up on walkers if that makes you feel better. I need to do this.","( glass shatters )","Did you have to break the glass? No.","Daryl: You have your drink yet?","Beth: No. But I found this. Peach schnapps. Is it good?","Daryl: No.","Beth: Well, it's the only thing left. Who needs a glass?","( darts thunking )","( Beth crying )","Daryl: Ain't gonna have your first drink be no damned peach schnapps. Come on.","Beth: A motorcycle mechanic.","Daryl: Huh?","Beth: That's my guess. For what you were doing before the turn. Did Zack ever guess that one?","Daryl: It don't matter. Hasn't mattered for a long time.","It's just what people talk about, you know, to feel normal.","Daryl: Yeah, well, that never felt normal to me. Found this place with Michonne.","Beth: I was expecting a liquor store.","Daryl: No, this is better.","Beth: What's that?","Daryl: Moonshine. Come on.","( blows )","Daryl: All right. That's a real first drink right there. What's the matter?","Beth: Nothing. It's just... my dad always said bad moonshine can make you go blind.","Daryl: Ain't nothing worth seeing out there anymore anyway.","Beth: That's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. Second round's better.","( chuckles )","Daryl: Slow down.","Beth: This one's for you.","Daryl: No, I'm good.","Beth: Why?","Daryl: Someone's got to keep watch.","Beth: So, what, you're like my chaperone now?","Daryl: Just drink lots of water.","Beth: Yes, Mr. Dixon.","( chuckles )","Beth: Who'd go into a store and walk out with this?","Daryl: My dad, that's who.Oh, he's a dumbass. He'd set those up on top of the TV set, use them as target practice.","Beth: He shot things inside your house?","Daryl: It was just a bunch of junk anyway. That's how I knew what this place was. That shed out there, my dad had a place just like this.","You got your Dumpster chair. That's for sitting in and your drawers all summer drinking. Got your fancy buckets. That's for spitting chaw in after your old lady tells you to stop smoking. You got your internet.","( walker growling )","It's just one of 'em. Should we get it? If he keeps making too much noise, yeah.","Beth: Well, if we're gonna be trapped again, we might as well make the best of it. Unless you're too busy chaperoning, Mr. Dixon.","Daryl: Hell, might as well make the best of it. Home, sweet home.","Beth: So first I say something I've never done and if you have done it, you drink, and if you haven't, I drink. Then we switch. You really don't know this game?","Daryl: I never needed a game to get lit before. Wait, are we starting? How do you know this game? My friends played.","Beth: I watched. Okay, I'll start. I've never shot a crossbow. So now you drink.","Daryl: Ain't much of a game.","Beth: That was a warm-up. Now you go.","Daryl: I don't know.","Beth: Just say the first thing that pops into your head.","Daryl: I've never been out of Georgia.","Beth: Really? Okay, good one. I've never... been drunk and did something I regretted.","Daryl: I've done a lot of things.","Beth: Your turn.","Daryl: I've never been on vacation.","Beth: What about camping?","Daryl: No, that was just something I had to learn to hunt.","Beth: Your dad teach you?","Daryl: Mm-hmm.","Beth: Okay. I've never... been in jail. I mean, as a prisoner.","Daryl: Is that what you think of me?","Beth: I didn't mean anything serious. I just thought, you know, like the drunk tank. Even my dad got locked up for that back in the day.","Daryl: Drink up.","Beth: Wait. Prison guard. Were you a prison guard before?","Daryl: No.","Beth: It's your turn again.","Daryl: I'm gonna take a piss.","( jar shatters )","Beth: You have to be quiet.","Daryl: Can't hear you! I'm taking a piss!","Beth: Daryl, don't talk so loud.","Daryl: What, are you my chaperone now?","( urinating )","( zipper zips )","[SCENE_BREAK]","Daryl: Oh, wait. It's my turn, right? I've never-- never eaten frozen yogurt. Never had a pet pony. Never got nothing from Santa Claus.","Never relied on anyonefor protection before. Hell, I don't think I've ever relied on anyone for anything.","Beth: Daryl.","Daryl: Never sung out in front of a big group out in public like everything was fun. Like everything was a big game. I sure as hell never cut my wrists looking for attention.","( thuds )","( walker growling )","Daryl: Sounds like our friend out there is trying to call all of his buddies.","Beth: Daryl, just shut up.","Daryl: Hey, you never shot a crossbow before? I'm gonna teach you right now. Come on. It's gonna be fun.","Beth: We should stay inside. Daryl, cut it out! Daryl!","Daryl: Dumbass. Come here, dumbass.","Beth: Daryl.","Daryl: You want to shoot?","Beth: I don't know how.","Daryl: Oh, it's easy. Come here. Right corner.","Beth: Let's practice later.","Daryl: Come on, it's fun.","Beth: Just stop it. Daryl!","Daryl: Come here. Eight ball.","Beth: Just kill it!","Daryl: Come here, Greene. Let's pull these out. Get a little more target practice. What the hell you do that for?","I was having fun.","Beth: No, you were being a jackass. If anyone found my dad-- Don't. That ain't remotely the same. Killing them is not supposed to be fun.","Daryl: What do you want from me, girl, huh?","Beth: I want to you stop acting like you don't give a crap about anything. Like nothing we went through matters. Like none of the people we lost meant anything to you. It's bullshit!","Daryl: Is that what you think?","Beth: That's what I know.","Daryl: You don't know nothing.","Beth: I know you look at me and you just see another dead girl. I'm not Michonne. I'm not Carol. I'm not Maggie. I've survived and you don't get it 'cause I'm not like you or them. But I made it and you don't get to treat me like crap just because you're afraid.","Daryl: I ain't afraid of nothing.","Beth: I remember. When that little girl came out of the barn after my mom. You were like me. And now God forbid you ever let anybody get too close.","Daryl: Too close, huh? You know all about that. You lost two boyfriends, you can't even shed a tear. Your whole family's gone, all you can do is just go out looking for hooch like some dumb college bitch.","Beth: Screw you. You don't get it.","Daryl: No, you don't get it! Everyone we know is dead!","Beth: You don't know that!","Daryl: Might as well be, 'cause you ain't never gonna see 'em again. Rick. You ain't never gonna see Maggie again.","Beth: Daryl, just stop.","Daryl: No! The Governor rolled right up to our gates. Maybe if I wouldn't have stopped looking. Maybe 'cause I gave up. That's on me.","Beth: Daryl.","Daryl: No-- And your dad. Maybe-- maybe I could have done something.","( crying )","Beth: I get why my dad stopped drinking.","Daryl: You feel sick?","Beth: Nope. I wish I could feel like this all the time.","That's bad. Hmm. You're lucky you're a happy drunk. Yeah, I'm lucky. Some people can be real jerks when they drink.","Daryl: Yeah, I'm a dick when I'm drunk. Merle had this dealer.This janky little white guy. A tweaker. One day we were over at his house watching TV. Wasn't even noon yet and we were all wasted.Merle was high.We were watching this show and Merle was talking all this dumb stuff about it. And he wouldn't let up. Merle never could. Turns out it was the tweaker's kids' favorite show. And he never sees his kids, so he felt guilty about it or something. So he punches Merle in the face. So I started hitting the tweaker, like, hard. As hard as I can. Then he pulls a gun, sticks it right here. He says, \"I'm gonna kill you, bitch.\" So Merle pulls his gun on him. Everyone's yelling. I'm yelling. I thought I was dead. Over a dumb cartoon about a talking dog.","Beth: How'd you get out of it?","Daryl: The tweaker punched me in the gut. I puked. They both started laughing and forgot all about it. You want to know what I was before all this? I was just drifting around with Merle... doing whatever he said we were gonna be doing that day. I was nobody. Nothing. Some redneck asshole and an even bigger asshole for a brother.","Beth: You miss him, don't you? I miss Maggie. I miss her bossing me around. ( laughs ) I miss my big brother Shawn. He was so annoying and overprotective.","( laughs )","And my dad. I thought-- I hoped he'd just live the rest of his life in peace, you know? I thought Maggie and Glenn would have a baby. And he'd get to be a grandpa. And we'd have birthdays and holidays and summer picnics. And he'd get really old. And it'd happen, but it'd be quiet. It'd be okay. He'd be surrounded by people he loved.","( laughs )","That's how unbelievably stupid I am. That's how it was supposed to be. I wish I could just... change.","Daryl: You did.","Beth: Not enough. Not like you. It's like you were made for how things are now.","Daryl: I'm just used to it, things being ugly. Growing up in a place like this. Well, you got away from it. I didn't. You did. Maybe you got to keep on reminding me sometimes. No. You can't depend on anybody for anything, right? I'll be gone someday. Stop.","Daryl: I will.","Beth: You're gonna be the last man standing. You are. You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon.","Daryl: You ain't a happy drunk at all. Beth:Yeah, I'm happy.I'm just not blind. You got to stay who you are, not who you were. Places like this, you have to put it away. What if you can't? You have to. Or it kills you. Here. We should go inside. We should burn it down.","( laughs )","Daryl: We're gonna need more booze.","( music playing )","\u266a there's bound to be a ghost \u266a","\u266a at the back of your closet \u266a","\u266a no matter where you live \u266a","\u266a there'll alwaysbe a few things \u266a","\u266a maybe several things \u266a","\u266a that you're gonna find really difficult to forgive... \u266a","You wanna? Hell, yeah.","\u266a there's gonna come a day \u266a","\u266a when you feel better \u266a","\u266a your eyes are free and easy \u266a","\u266a on that day \u266a","\u266a and float from branch to branch \u266a","\u266a lighter than the air \u266a","\u266a just when that dayis coming \u266a \u266a who can say?who can say? \u266a","\u266a our mother has been absent \u266a","\u266a ever since we founded Rome \u266a","\u266a but there's gonnabe a party \u266a","\u266a when the wolf comes home \u266a","\u266a I'm gonna get myselfin fighting trim \u266a","\u266a scope out every angle of unfair advantage \u266a","\u266a I'm gonna bribethe officials \u266a \u266a I'm gonna kill all the judges \u266a \u266a it's gonna takeyou people years \u266a \u266a to recoverfrom all of the damage \u266a","\u266a our mother has been absent \u266a","\u266a ever since we founded Rome \u266a","\u266a but there'sgonna be a party \u266a","\u266a when the wolf comes home \u266a","\u266a Oh! \u266a"],"Show Title":"The Walking Dead","Episode Number":"04x12","Episode Title":"Still","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"The_X-Files_10x01.json","Recap":["Thirteen years after the original series run, the next mind-bending chapter of the thrilling series THE X-FILES has arrived. Fox Mulder and Dana Scully have been contacted by Tad O'Malley, a popular conspiracy theorist web-TV show host who believes he has uncovered a significant government conspiracy. With the assistance of FBI Asst. Dir. Walter Skinner, O'Malley seeks to enlist the help of former X-Files agents Mulder and Scully, who have since severed ties with the FBI. Through O'Malley they are introduced to Sveta, a possible alien abductee who shares shocking information with them that will challenge everything that Mulder has ever believed about the existence of aliens and the government's role in covering them up."],"Transcript":["Mulder (O.C.): My name is Fox Mulder. Since my childhood, I have been obsessed by a controversial global phenomenon. Since my sister disappeared when I was 12 years old... in what I believe was an alien abduction. My obsession took me to the FBI, where I investigated paranormal science cases through the auspices of a unit known as the X-Files. Through this unit, I could continue my work on the alien phenomenon, and the search for my missing sister.","Mulder (O.C.): In 1993, the FBI sought to impugn my work, bringing in a scientist and medical doctor to debunk it... which only deepened my obsession for the better part of a decade, during which time that agent, Dana Scully, had her own faith tested.","Mulder (O.C.): In 2002, in a change of direction and policy, the FBI closed the X-Files, and our investigation ceased. But my personal obsession did not.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mulder (O.C.): There are 10,000 sightings each year in North America alone, and so it's been since the dawn of time... Stone Age and even biblical references into our modern age.","Mulder (O.C.): In 1947, Kenneth Arnold saw nine unidentified craft out the window of his small plane, followed by the historic crash at Roswell and its legendary cover-up. In 1957, UFOs were spotted over our nation's capital. The Pentagon held press briefings. Multiple witnesses in 1967 at Malmstrom Air Force Base in Montana see fighters scramble but easily outrun by UFOs that climb upwards of 200,000 feet, twice the service ceiling of our highest-flying spy planes. Dr. Edgar Mitchell, the sixth man to walk on the Moon, cites secret studies on extraterrestrial materials and bodies. Secretary of State Cyrus Vance and future president Gerald R. Ford validate the UFO phenomenon in official government memoranda. But now people only laugh, and only Roswell is remembered.","Mulder (O.C.): But we must ask ourselves... are they really a hoax? Are we truly alone? Or are we being lied to?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ HIGH DESERT NORTHWESTERN NEW MEXICO 1947 ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Can I ask how much longer? Two shakes of a lamb's tail, Doc. Step quick.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ OUR LADY OF SORROWS HOSPITAL WASHINGTON, D.C. ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Excuse me. Dr. Scully?","Scully: Yes. You have a phone call.","Scully: I'm just heading into surgery. That's what I told him, but... but he said it was important.","Scully: Who is it? He says his name is Walter Skinner, Assistant Director, FBI.","[SCENE_BREAK]","If I was the president, the moment I was inaugurated, my hand would still be hot from touching the Bible, and I would immediately race to... wherever they hold... have the files about Area 51 and UFOs, and I'd go through everything to find out what happened. The aliens won't let it happen.","Mulder: My life's become a punch line. What's happening out there, Scully?","Scully: A.D. Skinner's looking for you.","Mulder: Why doesn't he just call me?","Scully: He doesn't know how to reach you, Mulder. I barely know how myself.","Mulder: What does he want, Scully?","Scully: He wants to know if you've been watching someone called Tad O'Malley on the Net... apparently, he's reached out to us from the FBI.","Mulder: Hold on.","Mulder (O.C): I'm bringing him up. It comes down to this. It's a mainstream liberal media lying to you about life, liberty and your God-given right to bear firearms.","Mulder: Why would I watch this jackass, Scully? 9\/11 was a false flag operation. It was a warm-up to World War III. Now, hear me on this. It's all part of a conspiracy dating back to the UFO crash at Roswell...","Mulder: I thought you were done with UFOs.","Mulder (O.C.): The stranglehold they put on your very existence, I believe is how you put it.","Scully: I'm just the messenger, Mulder.","Scully (O.C.): Apparently this guy is desperate to meet.","Mulder: Tell Skinner to set it up.","Scully: Seriously?","Mulder: And don't pretend I'm going alone.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ DOWNTOWN WASHINGTON, D.C. ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scully: Uber?","Mulder: Hitchhiked. Relax, Scully. I'm kidding.","Scully: I just worry about you, Mulder.","Mulder: Not to worry, Doc. I'm taking good care of myself.","Scully: It's good for you to get out of that little house every once in a while.","Mulder: It certainly was good for you.","Scully: I'm always happy to see you.","Mulder: And I'm always happy to find a reason.","Tad: Fox Mulder?","Mulder: Yes.","Tad: Tad O'Malley. And you must be former agent Dana Scully.","Scully: Yes. That's... quite an entrance you make there.","Mulder: She shot men with less provocation.","Tad: Funny. I heard you were funny. Join me for a little ride?","Mulder: I'd be happy to talk to you, Mr. O'Malley, but right here is fine.","Tad: Allow me my small precautions. Low-flying aircraft often employ what they call \"dirtboxes\" to record conversations that I prefer private.","Scully: Aircraft employed by whom?","Tad: I'm afraid I can only speculate. Shall we?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Tad: Because... why not?","Mulder: None for me, thanks. Scully?","Scully: I take it you have enemies.","Tad: Well, not always of my choosing, Dana.","Mulder: Air's getting a little hot in here.","Tad: Oh, I'm sorry... those don't roll down. I had the vehicle bulletproofed. 'Cause you never know when a gun-toting liberal might go Hinckley.","Scully: You'll have to excuse him. How can we help you, Mr. O'Malley?","Tad: I'm not some Johnny-come-lately to the UFO phenomenon, Mr. Mulder. Like yourself, I'm a true believer.","Mulder: No, I only want to believe. Actual proof has been strangely hard to come by.","Tad: You ran the X-Files. You were the X-Files. You all but wrote the book.","Mulder: I'm afraid that book is closed.","Scully: As are the X-Files. For better or worse, we've... moved on with our lives.","Mulder: Yes, we have. For better or for worse.","Tad: Well, that's beside the point.","Mulder: What is the point, Mr. O'Malley? And how does a man with your conservative credentials count himself a believer in UFOs and 9\/11 false flag conspiracies?","Tad: I take it you think my message is disingenuous.","Mulder: Conspiracy sells... it pays for bulletproof limousines.","Tad: You think I do it for the ratings?","Mulder: I think you're The O'Reilly Factor with a shopworn little gimmick.","Tad: What Bill O'Reilly knows about the truth could fill an eyedropper.","Mulder: The Kelly Cahill incident.","Tad: Kelly Cahill and her husband were driving home in Victoria, Australia, when a craft appeared overhead. The Cahills lost an hour of time, and Kelly was hospitalized with severe stomach pain after discovering a triangle-shaped mark near her navel. As I said... my interest is real. What I need is your expertise.","Scully: Our expertise for what?","Tad: I'm rattling some pretty big cages in the intelligence community, but I'm prepared to go all in... prepared to blow open maybe the most evil conspiracy the world has ever known.","Scully: That's quite an assertion, Mr. O'Malley. What's stopping you?","Tad: If I'm putting my ass out there, I need to know it's hanging by more than just a very slender thread.","Mulder: Apparently, he has something to show us.","Tad: Something... and someone.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ LOW MOOR, VIRGINIA ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scully: Aliens couldn't find this place. How did you, Mr. O'Malley?","Tad: A man in my position finds himself contacted by interesting strangers.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Tad: Everyone, meet Sveta. Sveta, this is Dana Scully and Fox Mulder.","Sveta: Hi.","Mulder: Hi.","Sveta: Hello. Welcome to my home.","Tad: Sveta's who suggested I call you.","Mulder: And how would you know to do that?","Sveta: You probably don't recognize me.","Mulder: No, I think I'd remember.","Sveta: You interviewed me and my family when I was just a little girl. Right after my first abduction. Please, come in.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Sveta: These are from over 20 years.","Tad: You both probably recognize the classic scoop-mark scars.","Scully: How many times have you been abducted, Sveta?","Sveta: I lost count. And then there are the screen memories they implant.","Tad: The memories implanted over actual memories to make abductees forget.","Scully: I'm familiar with the syndrome.","Sveta: They aren't always effective, and things come back to me sometimes.","Scully: Like what kind of things?","Sveta: Tests they do. Harvesting and stuff.","Scully: The aliens made you pregnant?","Sveta: A number of times. But they take the babies before they're born. Those are the memories they can't remove.","Scully: They removed your unborn fetuses?","Sveta: Through here. They do everything through here. Even with the DNA.","Tad: Tell them about your DNA, Sveta.","Sveta: I have alien DNA. For sure.","Scully: Have you had a doctor confirm that?","Sveta: No.","Mulder: Something you could test? Dana?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Oh, Lord. Oh, good Lord. Damn thing could be dangerous. What are you doing?! For God's sake, what have you done?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ OUR LADY OF SORROWS HOSPITAL ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scully: I'm gonna take a swab. If you'll roll up your sleeve, I'll get some blood, too.","Sveta: I know you're doubtful about this.","Scully: What makes you say that, Sveta?","Sveta: I'm kind of a mind reader.","Scully: Is that a personal trait, or is that what happens with alien DNA?","Sveta: I can move things. With my mind.","Scully: Would you care to demonstrate?","Sveta: I can't do it all the time.","Scully: So it just... happens whenever.","Sveta: I don't know how to control it. You were a couple before.","Scully: I'm sorry, what?","Sveta: You and Mr. Mulder. You were together, but now you're not.","Scully: You reading my mind, Sveta?","Sveta: He's been depressed. What you diagnosed as endogenous depression. It's what killed your relationship. And you have a child together.","Scully: That's enough.","Sveta: Do you believe me now?","Scully: Why don't you tell me.","Sveta: You don't know what it's like to be abducted. To be taken against your will. You don't know. Well... maybe you do.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mulder: I was right about one thing. Conspiracy's made you a very rich man.","Tad: One way to look at it. What's made me rich is my pursuit of the truth.","Mulder: My pursuit's not been so lucrative.","Tad: I feel I need to warn you. When we arrive at our destination, the people we're meeting are very paranoid about the work they do.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Tad: I want to prepare you for what you're about to see, Mr. Mulder.","Mulder: A Faraday cage? For what?","Tad: Do you know what an ARV is?","Mulder: That's what you brought me here to see?","Tad: This is Garner. He'll walk you through the science.","Mulder: That's an alien replica vehicle?","Garner: Given your background, I would've thought you'd seen one before.","Mulder: No, never. Not like that.","Garner: What we're showing you we do at great risk. Colleagues have had labs burned to the ground and work destroyed by our own government.","Garner: It's running on toroidal energy, so-called zero-point energy. Simply the energy of the universe.","Mulder: You're talking about free energy?","Garner: That we've had since the '40s. No fuel, no flame, no combustion. A simple electromagnetic field. Technology kept secret for 70 years while the world ran on petroleum.","Mulder: Oil companies making trillions.","Garner: What I'm gonna show you next is the most unbelievable part.","Mulder: Gravity warp drive... but how?","Garner: Element 115. Ununpentium.","Mulder: Where did you get it?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Where are you going with that thing? I'm a man of medicine, sir. It's dead. It's done now. Then why even bring me out here?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Tad: Testing yourself for alien DNA?","Scully: High cholesterol.","Tad: Sorry to barge in on you like this. It looks like you've had quite a day.","Scully: The usual around here.","Tad: Doesn't look so usual to me.","Scully: It's a disease called Microtia. Children born without ears.","Tad: You operate on these kids?","Scully: I assist the surgeons, who are really doing God's work. Giving kids what their biology neglected.","Tad: So it's a genetic deformity?","Scully: Possibly, but not conclusively. It's most common in Navajo Indians.","Tad: What's so striking is how alien it looks.","Scully: I assure you that is simply a random coincidence, Mr. O'Malley.","Tad: You mean, unrelated to your previous work experience?","Scully: Far, far from that experience.","Tad: Do you miss it at all? The X-Files?","Scully: As a scientist, it was probably some of the most intense and challenging work I've ever done. I've never felt so alive.","Tad: You mean working with Mulder?","Scully: Possibly one of the most intense and challenging relationships I may ever have. And, quite honestly, the most impossible.","Tad: Yeah. I got that impression.","Scully: Are you here for a reason?","Tad: I needed to know you weren't upset by Mulder putting you on the spot with this Sveta business.","Scully: No, it's fine. I'm... used to it.","Tad: And I just wanted to see you again.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Sveta: How did you get here?","Mulder: Hitchhiked.","Mulder: There was a moment you were being asked about your abductions... about your pregnancies, how the aliens took your babies... and before you answered, you looked at O'Malley. Why?","Sveta: Because it's not exactly the right question.","Mulder: I'm sorry, I don't understand.","Sveta: Because I don't believe it's aliens who were taking them.","Mulder: But you said you were abducted.","Sveta: This is difficult. These are very difficult memories, and this is... very dangerous answers.","Mulder: Well, everything stays between us, Sveta.","Sveta: The things I've experienced... they've affected my entire life. They've made it impossible to have anything like a normal existence.","Mulder: What are you afraid of?","Sveta: That it only gets worse.","Mulder: Sveta, who took your babies?","Sveta: Men.","Mulder: Men? Humans? You saw their faces?","Sveta: Yes. They took me aboard their ships. And... I was afraid they would kill me if I ever told anyone the truth.","Mulder: It's why you didn't see a doctor.","Sveta: Who can I trust? They would call me a liar when they're the liars.","Mulder: You can trust me.","Sveta: You worked for the government.","Mulder: Technically, but not for years.","Sveta: But you always wondered. If they weren't lying to you, too.","[ MULDER TAP TO ANSWER ]","Scully: Mulder.","Mulder: Scully, listen to me. I've been misled. We've been misled.","Scully: Mulder, hold on a second.","Mulder: No, just-just listen to what I'm saying. What if everything we've been led to believe in is a lie?","Mulder (O.C.): What if there is no alien conspiracy?","Scully: Can we pull over a second? I've got to get out.","Scully: Mulder, what are you talking about?","Mulder: I'm talking about everything we've been led to believe.","Mulder (O.C.): Our work, the X-files, everything.","Scully: Can we talk about this soon?","Mulder: I know why O'Malley came to us, Scully. And that girl is the key, Scully. Sveta is the key to everything.","Scully: Couldn't you be jumping to conclusions?","Mulder: I can't do this over the phone right now, Scully. I got to go.","Scully: Mulder, where are you going? Mulder? Talk to me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ FBI HEADQUARTERS WASHINGTON, D.C ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mulder: Where are they... the files?","Skinner: I don't know where they are.","Mulder: You said no one had been down here, it hadn't been touched.","Skinner: Not for 14 years since you and Scully left the Bureau.","Mulder: I need access to the X-Files.","Skinner: Can you tell me what this is about?","Mulder: It's about controlling the past to control the future. It's about fiction masquerading as fact. Now, you owe me some answers, Skinner.","Skinner: You just calm the hell down, Mulder, before we both get pissed off. I don't take orders from you.","Mulder: No. Who do you take orders from?","Skinner: Why do you think I called you? Because I was looking out for you, like I've always looked out for you.","Mulder: A decade of my life in this office. And all the time, I was being led by my nose through a dark alley to a dead end, exactly as they planned.","Skinner: You're blaming me for that?","Mulder: No, I'm blaming myself. I'm sure they lied to you, too.","Skinner: There hasn't been a day since you left that I haven't reached for my phone to call you, Mulder, wishing that you were still down here. Since 9\/11, this country has taken a big turn in a very strange direction.","Mulder: How they police us and spy on us, tell us that makes us safer? We've never been in more danger.","Skinner: Then do something about it, Mulder.","Mulder: Now you've got my number.","[SCENE_BREAK]","So if you own a registered firearm, you will actually be targeted as an enemy by your own government in the likely imposition of martial law. But I'd like to end the show on a brighter note by pointing out the heroic work being done by a friend of mine. Literally putting kids back together who are born without something we all take for granted. At Our Lady of Sorrows Hospital in Washington, D.C., Dr. Dana Scully, working to mend the lives of unfortunate children. Dr. Scully? I've got your test results back.","Scully: Thank you. Nurse? I need you to do something. Of course.","Scully: I need these samples retested. Was there a problem with them? Dr. Scully? We need you in here.","Scully: I just want them retested, please. Thank you. Oh. And I'm expecting a call... well, I'm hoping for a call... from somebody named Mulder.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ NATIONAL MALL WASHINGTON, D.C. ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Is the hour absolutely necessary?","Mulder: It was important that I see you. We made an agreement about our meeting in unsecured environments.","Mulder: I took the usual precautions. I'm assuming you did, too. I've been standing here for over an hour. I haven't seen a soul. I called you because you said, if I ever put the pieces together, that you would confirm. And have you put them together?","Mulder: I've met someone, I've seen something. 'Cause you weren't even close. Warring aliens lighting each other on fire and other such nonsense.","Mulder: I was being cleverly manipulated. And what brings this new clarity?","Mulder: I saw an ARV running on free energy. I saw it disappear. That's what they all seem to do.","Mulder: But the technology exists. It's existed since Roswell. And it's been in use, being used on humans in human testing, the taking of men, women and children that's misreported as alien abductions. So you believe you have the how.","Mulder: Yes. And I think I know the why. The why is more complicated than you may ever know, Mr. Mulder.","Mulder: 60 years ago, we were warned about the military industrial complex gathering too much power. This is old news.","Mulder: The countdown has begun. It began in 2012, but no one knew. Tell me something new.","Mulder: Alien technology being used against us, not by aliens, not with aliens, but by a venal conspiracy of men against humanity. You're wasting my time.","Mulder: What are the tests for? You tell me, Mr. Mulder.","Mulder: Ten years ago, you came to me saying you couldn't take your secrets to your grave, that you couldn't live with it. I'm a man of medicine. I didn't know how my work would be used. The lies are so great, Mr. Mulder. The truth must be unassailable.","Mulder: So let me tell the world. They'll make a mockery of us.","Mulder: Then let me take that bullet. And these men are capable of that. You're nearly there. You're close. Roswell. That was a smokescreen.","Mulder: So I've been told.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mulder: What are you doing here, Scully?","Scully: Mulder, you hang up on me, I don't hear from you all day, you're on some jag about the X-Files.","Mulder: I figured it out. It all makes complete sense. All these years, we've been deceived.","Scully: I don't know what you mean.","Mulder: I... I couldn't call you because it's gonna sound crazy.","Scully: That's why I'm here, Mulder, as somebody who cares about you. As somebody who's worried about you.","Mulder: All right, just listen to me, all right?","Scully: No, you listen to me, Mulder.","Mulder: Scully, you got to trust me on this.","Scully: I have seen this before. You're on fire, believing that you're onto some truth, that you can save the world.","Mulder: This will finally be their undoing.","Scully: It'll be your undoing, Mulder.","Mulder: This is my life. This is everything. This is everything I believe in.","Scully: You want to believe. You so badly want to believe.","Mulder: I do believe. I believe that Tad O'Malley is right. This is not an alien conspiracy. It's a conspiracy of men.","Scully: Tad O'Malley is a charming man full of charming BS, Mulder.","Mulder: No, he woke me up.","Scully: How do you know he's not playing you? He's a player.","Mulder: He's been a godsend.","Scully: What are you talking about?","Mulder: The truth is out there, Scully, and Tad O'Malley's gonna broadcast it.","Scully: Mulder... listen to me. As your friend and as a physician, you are on dangerous ground here.","Mulder: I know what I'm doing.","Sveta: Is everything okay?","Mulder: Yeah, everything is okay. She's the key to everything. Sveta... is the key.","Scully: You know what you're doing.","Mulder: Scully...","[SCENE_BREAK]","Tad: Hey. Where you going? You're not leaving, are you?","Scully: I just need to get out of here.","Tad: Stay. It's important.","Scully: Don't tell me what's important, please. I just need to leave.","Tad: Wasn't she invited?","Mulder: I would have invited you, Scully, but I didn't think you'd come.","Scully: I shouldn't have come.","Tad: Then what are you doing here?","Scully: Mulder, what are you up to?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mulder: The tentacles reach far back into the last century, but it wasn't until victories in Europe and Japan and the onset of the Cold War that political and economic conditions became perfect for actual execution. A conspiracy bigger and more secret than the Manhattan Project.","Tad: More odious and far-reaching.","Mulder: No sooner had we defeated Germany than a new threat started appearing in skies over America, drawn to Earth by the latest threat to extinction: the H-bomb. Explosions acting as transducers, drawing alien life forms through wormholes in spaceships using electrogravitic propulsion. Advanced extraterrestrial species visiting us, concerned for mankind and the threat of our self-destruction, forestalling our annihilation through their own self-sacrifice.","Mulder: The crashes at Roswell. More importantly, places like Aztec. World leaders signed secret memos directing scientific studies of alien technology and biochemistry. Classified studies were done at military installations S4, Groom Lake, Wright-Patterson and Dulce, extracting alien tissue.","Mulder: Tests were done on unsuspecting human subjects in elaborately staged abductions, in craft using alien technology recovered from the downed saucers... including human hybridization through gene editing and forced implantation of alien embryos.","Sveta: Why do such a thing and lie about it... our own government?","Mulder: Your own government lies as a matter of course, as a matter of policy... the Tuskegee experiments on black men in the '30s; Henrietta Lacks.","Sveta: What are they trying to do?","Mulder: That's the missing piece.","Tad: But it's not hard to imagine... a government hiding, hoarding... alien technology for 70 years, at the expense of human life and the future of the planet. Driven not only by corporate greed, but... a darker objective.","Mulder: The takeover of America.","Tad: And then the world itself, by any means necessary, however violent... or cruel... or efficient. By severe drought brought on by weather wars conducted secretly using aerial contaminants and high-altitude electromagnetic waves, in a state of perpetual war to create problem-reaction- solution scenarios to distract, enrage and enslave American citizens at home with tools like the Patriot Act and the National Defense Authorization Act, which abridged the Constitution in the name of national security.","Tad: The militarization of police forces in cities across the U.S. The building of prison camps by the Federal Emergency Management Agency with no stated purpose. The corporate takeover of food and agriculture, pharmaceuticals and health care, even the military, in clandestine agendas, to fatten, dull, sicken and control a populace already consumed by consumerism. And I encourage you all to go shopping more.","Tad: A government that taps your phone, collects your data and monitors your whereabouts with impunity. A government preparing to use that data against you when it strikes and the final takeover begins.","Scully: The takeover of America.","Tad: By a well-oiled and well-armed multinational group of elites that will cull, kill and subjugate.","Scully: Happening as we sit here.","Tad: It's happening all around us.","Mulder: The other shoe waiting to drop.","Tad: It'll probably start on a Friday. The banks will announce a security action necessitating their computers to go offline all weekend.","Mulder: Digital money will disappear.","Sveta: They can just steal your money?","Mulder: Followed by the detonation of strategic electromagnetic pulse bombs to knock out major grids.","Tad: What will seem like an attack on America by terrorists or Russia.","Mulder: Or a simulated alien invasion using alien replica vehicles that exist and are already in use.","Scully: An alien invasion of the U.S.","Mulder: The Russians tried it in '47.","Scully: You can't say these things.","Tad: I'm gonna say them tomorrow.","Scully: It's fearmongering claptrap, isolationist techno-paranoia so bogus and dangerous and stupid... that it borders on treason. Saying these things would be incredibly irresponsible.","Mulder: It's irresponsible not to say it.","Sveta: Especially if it's the truth.","Scully: Your test came back negative.","Mulder: What do you mean, negative?","Scully: She has no evidence of alien DNA.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ TRUTH SQUAD WITH TAD O'MALLEY SHOW ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Tad: I promised you the truth today, but that truth has come under assault.","Sveta: Tad O'Malley tried to put words in my mouth. He paid me to create stories about alien abductions. He is saying lies and stories for his TV show so people will watch. I am... so sorry if I misled anyone.","Mulder: They got to her.","Tad (O.C.): These are the depths our government stoops to. We must be making them very afraid.","Nurse: Dr. Scully? Your test results came back in.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mulder: Sveta? Sveta? Sveta?","[SCENE_BREAK]","No, no. Stop! You can't! You have no right...","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ \"FINDER SPYDER\" TRUTH SQUAD WITH TAD O'MALLEY ]","[ ERROR 404 SITE TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ DON'T GIVE UP ]","Mulder: There's something called the Venus syndrome. It's a runaway global warming scenario that leads us to the brink of the Sixth Extinction. Those with means will prepare to move off the planet into space, which has already been weaponized against the poor, huddled masses of humanity that haven't been exterminated by the uber-violent fascist elites. If you believe in that kind of thing.","Scully: You look exhausted, Mulder.","Mulder: It was a long day at the office.","Scully: I don't know if you saw, but... Tad O'Malley pulled the plug.","Mulder: They're very good, these guys, you know?","Scully: And what about Sveta? Where is she?","Mulder: I'm sure they scared her to death.","Scully: We need to find her, Mulder. We need to protect her, no matter what.","Mulder: Why? You said her tests came back negative.","Scully: I ran them again. In fact... I sequenced her entire genome because I didn't trust the initial results.","Mulder: Are you saying she has alien DNA?","Scully: And I sequenced my own genome... because of my history and... because we have a child together.","Mulder: Scully... what are you saying?","Scully: I'm saying she's not the only one. I'm saying someone has to stop these sons of bitches.","Mulder: Skinner.","Skinner.","[ SITUATION CRITICAL. NEED TO SEE YOU BOTH ASAP. ]","Mulder: Scully, are you ready for this?","Scully: I don't know there's a choice.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Sveta: Oh, no... Please... Please don't quit. No. Oh, no. No! No!","[SCENE_BREAK]","Yes. Yes. I see. We have a small problem. They've reopened the X-Files."],"Show Title":"The X-Files","Episode Number":"10x01","Episode Title":"My Struggle","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Torchwood_3x05.json","Recap":["Torchwood is defenceless and Gwen Cooper stands alone as the final sanction begins. As violence erupts and the world descends into anarchy, an ordinary council estate becomes a battleground where the future of the human race will be decided."],"Transcript":["Previously... Shot of children in schoolyard, stopped.","CHILDREN (voice-over) : We are coming.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Children in Rhiannon Davies' home, all standing and pointing in the same direction.","CHILDREN (voice-over) : We are coming.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The pillar of fire cutting down through the clouds over Thames House.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Floor 13, where Frobisher and Dekker recoil from the light.","CHILDREN (voice-over) : We are coming.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Shot of the fiery descent of the 456 into the tank.","CHILDREN (voice-over) : We are coming. Quick CUT to : 456 flippers and snot hitting the glass. Quick CUT to : Clem screaming and holding hands over bloody ears, Gwen holding him. Quick CUT to : People in Thames House screaming, fleeing for their lives. Quick CUT to : The 456 behind the glass of their tank.","456 : We want ten percent of the children of this world.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The child attached to the 456, as seen in Day Four.","FROBISHER (voice-over) : And if we refuse ?","[SCENE_BREAK]","More panicking people running down the steps, trying to get out of Thames House.","456 (voice-over) : We will wipe out your entire species.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A shot of a door closing in a vent shaft.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jack and Ianto in the Hub, from Day One.","JACK : I can survive anything but you can't.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A shot of gas filling the tank, from Day Three.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ianto abruptly collapsing, from Day Four.","JACK : No, no, no, no, no, no, not him !","[SCENE_BREAK]","A shot of the people in Thames House beating themselves futilely against the sealed, shatterproof outer doors. They begin to sag and collapse, already dying.","456 (voice-over) : And tomorrow your people will deliver the children.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jack leaning to place one last kiss on Ianto's lips. Opening credits A moment of snow and static fills the screen, like the tracking on a videotape; then Gwen, facing straight into the camera, shadow covering her lower face. Her voice sounds tinny, as if we're watching a recording.","GWEN : There's always one thing I meant to ask Jack, back in the old days. I wanted to know about that Doctor of his. The man who appears out of nowhere and saves the world, except sometimes he doesn't. As she speaks, images flash onto the screen, also looking as if they're playing on a screen : children being torn from their mothers' arms by soldiers; children crying on buses, being driven off; mothers raging, shouting in protest.","GWEN : All those times in history when there was no sign of him. I wanted to know why not. But I don't need to ask anymore. I know the answer now. Sometimes the Doctor must look at this planet and turn away in shame. I'm recording this in case anyone ever finds it, so you can see... you can see how the world ended. The picture blurs and goes to static.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A shot of London, overlooking the Thames River.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A closer shot of Downing Street.","PRIME MINISTER (voice-over) : Today we're taking steps to safeguard your children. The schools are being opened again.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A shot of the Prime Minister on a television screen as his speech continues.","PRIME MINISTER : And we urge all of you to send your children back to their classes straightaway. We see the Davies family all sitting together on the couch, watching the Prime Minister's speech.","PRIME MINISTER : Government representatives will be visiting certain schools to discuss a series of inoculations. DAVID (over the ongoing speech) : What's inoculations ?","RHIANNON : Injections.","DAVID : I don't wanna go to school.","RHIANNON : You're not goin', either. You're stayin' put. Just like your uncle Ianto said, don't trust any of 'em.","MICA : But the man said we got to go.","RHIANNON : And I know for a fact he's lyin'.","PRIME MINISTER : These inoculations are to protect your children.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frobisher's wife and daughters watching the speech.","PRIME MINISTER : These inoculations are safe. These inoculations will guarantee no repeat of the problems of the past four days.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Davies living room.","RHIANNON : David, on your feet. Go to the Baxters' opposite, then go to Sally's and go to Mrs. Singh. Tell 'em we'll have the kids, only free of charge.","JOHNNY : It's ten quid a kid !","RHIANNON : Shut it, you. (To David) And run !","[SCENE_BREAK]","Johnny hurrying out of the house. Rhiannon comes out of the open door behind him.","RHIANNON : Tell them my brother works for the government, he said it's not safe.","DAVID : Yes, mum !","[SCENE_BREAK]","Green's office, with videocamera and lights, a teleprompter running as the speech goes on. General Pierce stands beside his desk, out of the camera's view.","PRIME MINISTER : So I ask of you now, to cooperate, to send your children back to school, and to resume your lives as normal.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frobisher's house.","HOLLY : We'd better get ready for school then.","FROBISHER'S WIFE : No, darling. Your father said stay at home with me.","HOLLY : Why ? What's so different about us ?","PRIME MINISTER (voice-over) : And as ever, I thank you for your patience, your understanding, and your faith.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The conference room in Downing Street. It is a hive of activity. Denise Riley approaches Prime Minster with a folder.","DENISE RILEY : We've isolated two thousand, six hundred primary schools, sir.","GENERAL PIERCE : I'm sorry, but you address me in all matters concerning this operation.","DENISE RILEY : This information is for Mr Green.","GENERAL PIERCE : You and Mr Green, and this government, have proven yourselves incapable of handling this crisis. All decisions will now go through me. You were saying ? After a moment, Denise Riley turns away from Green and faces the table. General Pierce seats himself as she speaks.","DENISE RILEY : We have two thousand, six hundred primary schools listed here. We are mobilizing transport. At 1200 hours, the British Army will take the children from their schools to the designated rendezvous points.","PRIME MINISTER : What if they refuse, the soldiers ? We could have a mutiny on our hands.","GENERAL PIERCE : They've been told. Any soldier refusing to do his duty will make his own family liable.","DENISE RILEY : So we take them to the rendez-vous points, but what then ?","GENERAL PIERCE : We're about to find out. They're entering Thames House right now.","[SCENE_BREAK]","An overhead shot of Thames House. The shot moves in quickly on the building.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Colonel Oduya, taking a deep breath in the lift. It opens, and waiting for him is Dekker. Oduya walks up to him, looking distracted, and sniffs deeply.","DEKKER : Disinfectant doesn't work. You can still smell it. There were bodies lying ten deep around those doors. They both glance at the still-open lift.","COLONEL ODUYA : Mr. Dekker, I take it. You managed to survive.","DEKKER : Well, I just stood back, sir. A strategy that's worked all my life. Now then. Best not keep it waiting. They proceed down the hall and into the main room of Floor 13. Armed guards flank the door and stand at points throughout the room.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A close shot of the murky, blue-lit tank. Colonel Oduya hands his cap to one of the guards and enters the room. The 456 make some low noise.","COLONEL ODUYA : I seek audience with the 456. My name is Colonel Augustus Oduya of the Unified Intelligence Taskforce. If I might speak... The 456 interrupt by making violent screeching sounds, hurling flippers against the tank's inner walls, and spewing snot. Colonel Oduya is visibly disturbed by this display.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The conference room in Downing Street, still wired in to view the tank. Prime Minister watches the split-screen view of Colonel Oduya approaching the tank.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Floor 13 as Colonel Oduya squares himself in front of the tank.","COLONEL ODUYA : We have no choice but to initiate your plan, may God help me. But I need to ask. We have designated rendez-vous points, selected Army bases in all participating countries. But once the children are assembled, what then ? How do you... collect them ?","456 : As we arrived. Observe. Colonel Oduya shifts his attention to the monitor. It displays an image of the pillar of fire that descended into Thames House.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Downing Street conference room. All there are watching the same image on their main monitor.","GENERAL PIERCE : Some sort of transportation device taking them God knows where.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Floor 13.","COLONEL ODUYA : Then let me ask, not as a representative. As a father. You need these children. We've seen you hooked up to that boy, but why ? Are they keeping you alive ?","456 : No.","COLONEL ODUYA : Then what are they for ?","456 : The hit.","COLONEL ODUYA : I don't understand.","456 : The hit. They create chemicals. The chemicals are good.","COLONEL ODUYA : Good in what way ?","456 : We feel. Good. The chemicals are good.","COLONEL ODUYA : They're like drugs. The 456 react with another violent outburst.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Downing Street conference room; shocked looks show on the faces of those listening.","PRIME MINISTER : They're trading in drugs.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Floor 13.","COLONEL ODUYA : You're shooting up... on children. Our children. The 456 react even more violently, banging and spewing.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Downing Street conference room.","GENERAL PIERCE : Let's not forget your government started this trade. You opened the market over forty years ago. Are the troops on standby ?","DENISE RILEY : Yes, sir.","GENERAL PIERCE : Then we begin. A clock shows the time : 08:50, ticking over to 08:51 in digital numbers.","[SCENE_BREAK]","An overhead shot of a primary school. Children can be seen running around in the playground.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The British news anchor.","BRITISH NEWS : The government claims it's Britain back to normal. Schools across the country are being reopened, and parents are being allowed to return their children to a normal routine. As she speaks, images play : children walking to school, being dropped off by parents, and playing in their uniforms.","BRITISH NEWS : The inoculation program will begin at midday and the World Health Organization has issued a statement guaranteeing the safety and beneficial effects of the treatments. Critics are still demanding more information but the government is simply asking for trust.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jack and Gwen, sitting together in an cafeteria of some kind. They watch Frobisher and Bridget Spears walk up to them.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A shot of bodies laid out in the hall further down from the cafeteria, covered by tarpaulin; soldiers walk among them. It appears to be a school building, emptied for the purpose of housing the dead of Thames House. Frobisher and Spears sit down at the table. There is a long silence. Jack looks daggers at Frobisher.","GWEN : The threat still stands.","FROBISHER : Haven't we gone past that...","GWEN : My husband is still out there with everything you've done recorded on his laptop. One word from me and he will release that information to the public.","FROBISHER : What do you think Torchwood is now ? Do you think you're still players ?","GWEN : We can try.","FROBISHER : We're at a tipping point right now. Civilization's about to fall into hell. You want to start that descent a little earlier, go ahead.","JACK : He's right. Look what happened. Phone Rhys. Tell him we've lost. Gwen gets up and walks away from the table.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A panoramic shot of a park with a very tall tower in the background. On a bench in the middle of the park sits Rhys. His mobile rings and he answers.","RHYS : Hello ? Yeah, I'm here, I'm bloody freezin'. Where are you ?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gwen in the school building. Tears run down her face.","RHYS (voice-over) : You all right ? Do you want me to send the files ?","GWEN : It's too late, sweetheart. They've killed him. Not just Clem, they've... they've killed Ianto. Her voice breaks on Ianto's name.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Rhys, looking stunned, mouthing the word \"no\".","GWEN (voice-over) : He's dead. CUT back to : Jack, carrying on the conversation with Frobisher.","JACK : What about Lois ?","FROBISHER : I'm afraid Miss Habiba is in police custody, charged with espionage.","JACK : Then what about my daughter and her son ?","FROBISHER : They're free to go. Jack swallows and takes a breath before going on.","JACK : Ianto Jones, he's got family back in South Wales, a sister. Has she been told ?","FROBISHER : We're not releasing any of the names, not yet.","JACK : Then let Gwen tell her. You said yourself, the world is going to hell any second. Before it does... give us a moment of grace. Just take Gwen home, please. Frobisher looks to be giving it some thought.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A shot of Gwen sitting with her back to a wall, her knees drawn up and her head fallen forward as she cries.","JACK : I can't look at her anymore.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The spinning blades of a helicopter. On the helipad, Jack turns from Rhys to Gwen. He draws her into his arms and holds her for a moment, then lets her go. Gwen, Rhys, and the pilot run to the helicopter. One of the soldiers flanking him proceeds to handcuff Jack, who offers no resistance. He looks completely devastated. As she steps into the helicopter, Gwen turns to look back at Jack. He watches as the helicopter lifts off, taking Gwen and Rhys away from London.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A wider shot of the helipad.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A wider shot, showing the pad set on the bank of the Thames.","[SCENE_BREAK]","An even wider shot of the city.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A holding facility of some kind. A policeman unlocks a cell door; Jack and other policemen follow him.","POLICEMAN : Cell M-3, Captain Harkness, 9:50 a.m. In the cell opposite, Lois Habiba overhears this. She gets up and goes to the tiny round hole in her door to see what's happening.","LOIS : Captain, is that you ? Captain Harkness, it's me, it's Lois ! In Jack's cell, the policeman is removing his cuffs. Jack turns when he hears her, but doesn't answer.","LOIS : It's Lois ! The policeman shuts Jack's cell door with a thunderous clang.","LOIS : Captain ?! What are they doing, what's happening out there ? Can you hear me ? In his cell, Jack sinks to the bench. His face is empty.","LOIS : What do we do ? Captain ? Jack does not respond. He closes his eyes and drops his head.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashton Downs. Johnson goes to a holding cell with a set of keys and unlocks the door. She opens it, revealing Alice and Steven inside.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The control room. Johnson leads Alice and Steven into an office.","JOHNSON : You might want to take a look at this. The monitor is showing the footage from the cameraman who went into the 456's tank, specifically the child hooked up to it. As soon as she sees it, Alice turns Steven away.","ALICE : Steven, come on.","STEVEN : But I want to see ! Alice is gently pushing Steven out of the room.","ALICE : Not now, darling, this is for grownups.","JOHNSON : Suzanne, get him a Coke or something. Suzanne takes Steven into the adjacent office.","FEMALE VOICE (distant) : Received and confirmed. Alice goes back into Johnson's office.","JOHNSON : It's inside Thames House. An incredulous Alice watches the footage what was captured through the contacts worn by Lois, so the image of the child in the tank is on a screen going staticky.","JOHNSON : All recorded by Torchwood. They're inventive, I'll give them that. That's a child, abducted in 1965. Now they want more, millions more. And in two hours' time, the government is handing them over. The image of the child's face fades to snow.","[SCENE_BREAK]","An overhead shot of Downing Street. CUT inside As Frobisher walks through outer offices, approaching the Prime Minister's office. He chafes his hands for a moment before knocking.","PRIME MINISTER : Yes ? Frobisher enters the office.","FROBISHER : You asked to see me, sir. He shuts the door behind him. Green's attention is on the document in front of him; he's writing, and his attitude is one of distraction.","PRIME MINISTER : Take a seat. Frobisher sits down before the desk.","FROBISHER : Terrible day. There is a long moment of silence, Green is unresponsive.","FROBISHER : Sir, I was wondering...","PRIME MINISTER : Your name was chosen, John.","FROBISHER : Right. Good. In what way chosen ?","PRIME MINISTER : The inoculation story seems to have gained some currency. He looks up at Frobisher for the first time.","PRIME MINISTER : Might even be called popular.","FROBISHER : Indeed. And, ah, what's that got to do with me ?","PRIME MINISTER : Your children will be inoculated.","FROBISHER (hesitant) : I see.","PRIME MINISTER : In two hours there will be selected news media at your house. You will be seen to offer your children for treatment, this will be broadcast on every network channel at twelve o'clock midday.","FROBISHER : But there is no inoculation.","PRIME MINISTER : This action will help the public and show them no cause for unrest.","FROBISHER : You mean I pretend they're going to be inoculated. Green suddenly returns his attention to the document on his desk.","PRIME MINISTER : Your children will then be taken to one of the designated rendez-vous points, and they'll become part of the... the process. It's our duty now to think beyond this, this terrible day. And once it's over, the government must be seen as victims of the 456. We must be seen to have lost.","FROBISHER : You put me on camera, I will tell people the truth.","PRIME MINISTER : Then your daughters would know where they're going. Best not. Frobisher has been unravelling through this, now he stands up, shouting at Green.","FROBISHER : I can't do it, I won't ! You can't make me !","PRIME MINISTER : In which case your children will be taken without you.","FROBISHER : But you've seen what they do to them ! I... They're just girls, sir ! They're just girls ! They're not, they're not that... they're not... The tears can be heard in his voice, making his words hard to understand. Green won't meet Frobisher's eyes.","PRIME MINISTER : I'm sorry, John. Frobisher just stares at Green in horror and disgust.","PRIME MINISTER : I'm really, I'm really very sorry. Green finally looks up at Frobisher, then down at his paperwork again.","PRIME MINISTER : And I'm really very busy.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Outside the office. Frobisher closes the door behind himself and stands in the deep doorway, then begins to walk forward, looking dazed, his eyes wet.","[SCENE_BREAK]","An outer hallway. Frobisher emerges from a doorway. Bridget Spears stands from the bench where she's been seated, waiting for him, and approaches him.","BRIDGET : What did he want ?","FROBISHER : Bridget, I need a Requisition 31.","BRIDGET : What for ? Frobisher wipes his nose hurriedly with his hand.","FROBISHER : Quick as you can.","BRIDGET : But what for, sir ?","FROBISHER : Requisition 31, thank you. She looks at him for a moment longer, then goes into the doors he just came out of. He stands there composing himself, then takes a few steps to the bench, resting his hand on the back of it to hold himself upright. He turns himself and sinks down slowly.","BRIDGET (voice-over) : Requisition 31.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Bridget, at a counter with a small window. The uniformed man on the other side of the window places a clipboard before her.","SECURITY GUARD : Just sign there. He turns away as Bridget signs the document on the clipboard.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The outer hallway. Bridget emerges from the doors, a small rectangular metal box in her hands. She crosses to the bench where Frobisher sits and offers the box to him. After a moment, he takes it, getting to his feet. He starts to walk past Bridget, then stops, turns, and faces her, then he leans in and gives her a swift kiss on the cheek. His footsteps can be heard as he departs, but the camera stays on Bridget's face as she absorbs the impact of that kiss.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cardiff : an overhead shot of the Millenium Stadium.","[SCENE_BREAK]","An helicopter touching down on a landing pad. A police constable in the typical neon-yellow coat is standing by a police car as Gwen gets out of the helicopter, aided by the pilot. A closer shot reveals that the man waiting is PC Andy Davidson. Gwen and Rhys run up to him.","ANDY : Croeso I Gymru. Which is Welsh for \"Welcome to Wales\". Gwen takes Andy in for a huge hug.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The police car heading down a street.","ANDY : Everyone's on standby. It's red alert, riot gear and everything, all ready to mobilise, except no one's saying why. What's going on ?","GWEN : I can't tell you.","ANDY : I am the police...","GWEN : Right now, Andy, I need you to drive this car, and if I told you... She trails off.","ANDY : What ? Well, come on then, what ? Don't you bloody hate people who don't finish their sentences.","RHYS : Hey, she's pregnant.","GWEN : Thank you. Who's she when she's at home ?","ANDY : Bloody hellfire. Who's the father ?","RHYS : Oh, I'm slappin' you, yeah ? The car is now on the street overlooking the Cromwell Estates.","GWEN : It's Torchwood. That's what did it. They give you Retcon, and chemicals, and radiation and God knows what. Bloody Pill didn't stand a chance. That's what Torchwood does, you see. It ruins your life.","RHYS : How's it ruined ?","GWEN : You wanna have kids in a world like this, Rhys.","RHYS : You're not gettin' rid of it.","GWEN : Is that right ? Rhys looks out the window, swallowing.","GWEN : Take the next left. Ianto's sister lives at the Cromwell Estate.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The conference room. At least four people are typing on laptops; the room is busy and tense. The digital clock ticks over from 10:59 to 11:00.","DENISE RILEY : Eleven o'clock, one hour to go.","GENERAL PIERCE : Are we in position ?","DENISE RILEY : The troops are moving in, sir.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A military base, where men in uniform are loading into troop carrier vehicles. They carry guns. CUT back to : The conference room, where the activity has stepped up a notch. A map on a monitor shows the text : STAGE 3 ACTIVE. It has a map of London and the following additional information : London 80.2%. Whittington Road Primary School. Longitude: -0.14561, Latitude: 51.47617. Headteacher: Nora Shariff. Gender : Mixed. Age Range : 3-11. Number of pupils on roll : 1218. Religious character non-denominational. Specialist status not applicable. Key Stage 2 Average 22.1. The image of the map on the monitor zooms in to show a live satellite image of the school.","[SCENE_BREAK]","An overhead image of the school. We hear schoolchildren at a lesson, chanting in unison.","CHILDREN : Two, four, six, eight, ten...","[SCENE_BREAK]","A shot of the children in their classroom. The teacher stands at the front of the room, holding up a painted ruler and moving her finger along it to indicate what number they're on as the children count along in time.","CHILDREN : Twelve, fourteen, sixteen, eighteen, twenty, eighteen, sixteen... The counting continues in voice-over as we CUT to : The troop carrier vehicles rolling out. The music rises, obscuring some of the numbers chanted aloud.","CHILDREN (voice-over) : Fourteen, twelve, ten, eight. Twenty, eighteen, sixteen, fourteen, twelve, ten, eight...","[SCENE_BREAK]","The children counting.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The vehicles driving out from the military base, gate raised to let them pass, barbed wire at the foreground of the shot.","CHILDREN (voice-over) : Six, four, two, zero.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A black car pulling into the driveway of a house. Reporters gathered outside immediately begin taking pictures. Policemen can be seen holding the reporters back as the camera shows Frobisher in the back seat of the car. The car passes the press and moves on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The holding facility where Jack and Lois are being detained. A guard opens the barred door at the end of the hallway, admitting Bridget Spears. He ushers her in, closes the door behind her, and then unlocks one of the cell doors. Inside, Lois sits on the bench, legs drawn up to her body and arms folded on them; she looks up warily. Bridget enters the room; Lois watches as the guard sets down a chair for her.","BRIDGET : Thank you. As the door closes behind him, Bridget sits in the chair, facing Lois, who is still drawn up into herself. Bridget lets out a breath.","BRIDGET : I've come to tell you how we met.","LOIS : Who ?","BRIDGET : How I met John Frobisher. It was thirty years ago. You weren't even born. I was on attachment to the civil service, only for six months. Her speech continues in voice-over.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The driver holding the car door open as Frobisher emerges, walking down the front path into the house. The reporters continue to call from beyond the low garden wall, though the policemen urges them off, as he lets himself in and shuts the door behind himself. Quiet music plays under Bridget's words. From this point, there is no volume for any of Frobisher's scenes.","BRIDGET (voice-over) : And just down the corridor, there he was. You wouldn't think it to look at him now, but he was a clumsy thing, always losing his key. Mr Swales never thought he'd amount to much, but I thought, well. In the house, Frobisher greets his daughters as they run up to him, hugging them tight. CUT back to : Bridget, looking off as if into memory.","BRIDGET : Keep an eye on that one. And all the others came and went, the high flyers, they burnt out or went on to something better. And do you know what John Frobisher did ?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frobisher talking to his daughters, his wife behind them. We cannot hear what he is saying, but it must be a command, as they give him mildly resentful looks, then walk past him. His wife still looks confused. The girls climb the stairs. CUT back to Bridget","BRIDGET : He kept working. Head down, worked hard, all his life. It was another ten years before we actually worked in the same office. He asked for me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frobisher moving in to kiss his wife on each cheek and hug her tightly.","BRIDGET (voice-over) : I didn't think he even knew my name. CUT back to Bridget","BRIDGET : And we made quite the team. I'm not saying he was perfect. You know that, better than me. But he worked hard, he always worked hard, I don't think that's valued enough these days, hard work.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frobisher, apparently now telling his wife the same thing he told the girls. She's reluctant, there appears to be a minor argument, but then she climbs the stairs too, looking back at him. As soon as she's gone, he turns away. He lays his briefcase on the kitchen table.","CUT to Bridget","BRIDGET : He was a good man. I want you to know that. John Frobisher was a good man.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frobisher. He has the metal box from before on top of his briefcase, and he opens the hinged lid to take out a gun. His hand trembles violently.","BRIDGET (voice-over) : Because when the history of this is written, they'll talk about the ministers, and the soldiers, and the things with numbers for names... CUT back to Bridget","BRIDGET : And I think people will forget how very good he was. She has to take a moment to compose herself. CUT back to : Frobisher as he climbs the stairs, holding the gun behind his back.","BRIDGET (voice-over) : I want you to remember him like that. CUT back to Bridget","BRIDGET : If ever you think of John Frobisher, just remember that it wasn't his fault.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Frobisher, ascending the stairs. The film is slowed down now, so that he moves gracefully. The girls are on the bed, wrestling with pillows, their mother sits beside them. Frobisher enters the room, reaching for the door with his free hand, and shuts it behind himself. The music continues to play as the camera pulls back from the door, and then, in quick succession, three gunshots ring out, startlingly loud. Moments later, a fourth follows.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Bridget, watching Lois.","BRIDGET : Now. I think I should get back to work. The guard lets her out of Lois's cell, and Lois walks back down to the entrance of the corridor, waiting while the guard unlocks the door to let them out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Cromwell Estate. Andy, Gwen and Rhys get out of the car.","GWEN : Rhys, you stay here. Give us a shout if anything happens.","ANDY : Like what ?","GWEN : Just keep an eye out, yeah ? Rhys stays by the car while Gwen and Andy start down the walk, talking as they approach the building.","ANDY : You know Ianto ?","GWEN : Mm-hmm.","ANDY : Was he gay ?","GWEN : Shut up.","ANDY : They might not know !","GWEN : Well, in which case, do not say !","ANDY : Well, that proves my point.","GWEN : Look, listen, there's a lot more going on. You've just got to trust me. OK, she's got two kids, we need to find out where they are. That's why we need a car. We might have to pick them up from school and take them back to mine, OK ?","ANDY : Back to yours ? What for ?","GWEN : Andy, we've gotta look after these kids, just do what I say. Andy rings the doorbell, giving Gwen a dismayed look.","GWEN : Please. He sighs and seems to acknowledge this as they turn toward the door. Rhiannon opens it a moment later, looking from Gwen to Andy.","ANDY : Hello, I'm Police Constable Andy...","RHIANNON : You're not shutting me down. We've got food, we've got drinks, proper drinks, and I got permission off their parents. Come on ! Have a look, I'm not apologising. Defiantly, she waves them into the house. After a moment, Andy follows, then Gwen. Rhys is left waiting by the car. Inside, the house is full of children, while Johnny plays on the video game system. Rhiannon leads Gwen and Andy into the chaotic main room.","RHIANNON : Johnny.","JOHNNY (on seeing Andy) : Ugh, go and do a proper job.","RHIANNON : I know I need a licence for a creche, I'm not thick. This is emergency circumstances, right ? I'm not trusting the telly. The camera pans around the room, taking in the youngers crowding it.","ANDY : If we could have a word in private.","RHIANNON : They're not even paying, so it can't be illegal, right ?","ANDY : No, I know, it's not about the kids, just need a word if we could.","GWEN : How many are there ?","JOHNNY : Nineteen.","GWEN : What are they doing here ?","JOHNNY : Well, they're not going to go to school, no way. If they want 'em, they'll have to come and get 'em.","ANDY : I just need a word. Gwen's gaze sweeps around the room as we're briefly taken back into her memory of leaving Jack at the helicopter pad in England. Jack embraces her, and as he does, he whispers in her ear.","JACK : They've got kids. Ianto's niece and nephew. Save them. Back in the present moment, Gwen continues to look for the children. In the conference room, the digital clock ticks over from 11:59 to 12:00.","DENISE RILEY : Do we begin ?","PRIME MINISTER : We've got no choice.","GENERAL PIERCE : You don't give the orders, Mr Green. Stage One. Mobilise. The monitor shows a map of England with a close-up of London to the left, the text \"Target Schools\" beneath it. Several locations are marked on the map by green dots.","[SCENE_BREAK]","An overhead shot of a school. A troop carrier rolls up before it, then another. The vehicles stop and soldiers jump out of the back. Next, a tall yellow bus drives in, then another. The soldiers run across the empty concrete playground, apparently surrounding the school. Inside, with soldiers lining the hall, children are led out in a line as a schoolteacher protests.","TEACHER : I don't care who you are, you haven't got the authority to just march in here and... Mr Patel ! They, they can't just... Further down the hall, a man in a suit, presumably Mr Patel, simply nods to the teacher as if, in fact, the soldiers have every authority.","TEACHER : They said inoculations, not... Where are you taking them ? Excuse me, where are you taking them ?! Outside, the children are being marched into a yellow bus. Among the onlookers is a mother of one of the children; she runs up to one of the soldiers.","CHRISTOPHER'S MOTHER : What's going on, what are you doing ?","SOLDIER : Stay on the other side of the road, thank you.","CHRISTOPHER'S MOTHER : But my boy's in there ! The schoolteacher is outside now, still yelling at the soldiers, increasingly strident.","TEACHER : Taking them off the school premises, you just can't ! Where are you taking them ?! One of the children, the son of the woman who protested, makes a break for it.","CHRISTOPHER'S MOTHER : Christopher ! Christopher ! The soldier physically restrains the woman as another soldier catches up to the boy and carries him back.","CHRISTOPHER'S MOTHER : That's my son ! That's my bloody son !","TEACHER : You can't take them off the school premises ! As soon as the bus is full, it is driven off, with the children seated inside visibly crying. Christopher's mother shouts and screams, but her protests, and those of the other parents, fall on deaf ears. Some of the parents, including Christopher's mother, give chase to the bus.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Rhiannon and Johnny's house. In a small storage closet, Rhiannon cries while Johnny holds her, rubbing her back.","JOHNNY : It's OK, it's OK, let it out. Gwen and Andy watch as Rhiannon cries.","JOHNNY : He didn't say anything about my car, did he ?","GWEN : No.","ANDY : Sorry.","GWEN : No, and there's something else. Something he wanted me to tell you, and I'm sorry, it's going to hurt you...","RHIANNON : You can get out.","GWEN : I knew Ianto properly, I've worked with him for years.","JOHNNY : Come on.","GWEN : No.","JOHNNY : Leave her alone.","GWEN : I did, I really, I did. We were a team, we did all these things together. And he'd always be fussing about his bloody coffee, yeah ?","RHIANNON : Yeah.","GWEN : And he'd be talking about you, all the time, you and the kids. And his dad. That's Ianto, he was always so proud of his dad.","RHIANNON : What did he say about him ?","GWEN : About his job and things.","RHIANNON : What job was that ?","GWEN : He said he was a master tailor.","RHIANNON : He worked in Debenhams ! If Ianto gave you that old sh1t then you didn't know him at all ! Off of Gwen's betrayed look,","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashton Down. In a large, empty room, some of the soldiers are entertaining Steven with an improvised game of footie. Alice watches from her seat on a nearby crate, smiling. Johnson approaches her, offering a styrofoam cup.","JOHNSON : Here you go.","ALICE : Thanks. She sips at the beverage.","JOHNSON : It's started. Alice lowers the cup, looking up at Johnson.","ALICE : Jesus. She turns to look at Steven again.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The conference room.","GENERAL PIERCE : Numbers ?","DENISE RILEY : We're looking at an uptake of about sixty percent. As predicted, a lot of the children in the target area have stayed at home.","GENERAL PIERCE : Then we'd better go and get them. Stage Two. Mobilise.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Cromwell Estate. A troop carrier drives into shot, turning onto the road of the estate, followed by another. A shot of Andy's car shows Rhys noticing this activity. The trucks come to a stop in the middle of the road, next to each other, and soldiers pour out of them. Rhys goes running to the Davies house. Inside the house, Gwen approaches Rhiannon and Johnny.","GWEN : I swear on my life you have got to get those kids out of this house. Is there anywhere you can take them ? I don't know, anywhere safe ?","ANDY : Gwen, now, come on.","GWEN : What ? Behind them is the sound of a door opening. Rhys appears behind them.","RHYS : They're here. Outside, the soldiers continue to emerge from one carrier as another rolls past. They're carrying riot gear. Gwen, Andy, Rhys, Johnny, and Rhiannon come out of the house's front door to see this.","GWEN : Oh, God. Look, I haven't got time to explain, OK ? But they're coming for your kids, I swear.","JOHNNY : Don't be stupid.","GWEN : Shut up. They're going to come into your house, and they're going to take your kids, and I'm sorry, but you've got to believe me. That's why Ianto died, OK ? He was trying to stop them. They're gonna come and they're gonna take your kids. You'll never see them again. Never.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashton Down and the ongoing footie game.","STEVEN : Hey.","SOLDIER : Hey !","JOHNSON : He'll be fine. The nice kids are safe. If you're gonna get rid of ten percent, then take the ten percent you don't want. All those kids on street corners, we've finally got rid of them.","ALICE : While everyone else just stays indoors ? Ninety percent just hugging their kids, not making a sound, just like they did before. I don't even know your name.","JOHNSON : I protect the state. I was brought up to believe in and protect the state.","ALICE : Not much good now, are you ? Even if ninety percent look the other way, what sort of world are you leaving behind ? I swear to you, if your duty is to protect the state above and beyond any other authority, then the one person you need right now is Jack Harkness.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The holding facility where Jack and Lois are being kept. The guard opens the hatch in the door of Jack's cell. He sits with his head bowed and fingers interlaced, thumbs pressed to the bridge of his nose. The guard closes the hatch again and goes to the opposite cell to look into the window of Lois's door. Suddenly, a group of armed men in black burst into the hallway at both ends, shouting at the guard.","SOLDIER : On the floor ! On the floor ! Hearing the commotion, Jack leaps to his feet, going to the door to try and see what's happening.","SOLDIER : Stay down ! One of the armed men knocks the guard to the floor. In her cell, Lois goes to the window in the door. The men open Jack's door.","JACK : What's going on ? Hey !","SOLDIER : Move. They drag him out of the cell and rush him down the hall.","LOIS : Captain !","SOLDIER : Go ! Go !","LOIS : What's happening ? She bangs on her door.","LOIS : Captain Harkness ! Captain Harkness ! The soldiers scurry out, closing the barred door behind them as the guard gets to his feet.","[SCENE_BREAK]","An helicopter flying over London. The view of the city focuses in on a tall tower with a helipad on top. As the shot moves in closer, Jack can be seen with four of the armed men in black. He is still handcuffed. The helicopter comes to a landing.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The storeroom where Dekker kept the original equipment from the 1965 visit. Other men in black are loading everything they can into wire baskets. Outside the room, Dekker approaches, removing his coat and opening the door, apparently unaware of the intruders; he enters the room to see them rifling through his things.","DEKKER : Here, what are you doing ? One of them neatly clocks him with the butt of a rifle, knocking him out.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The Cromwell Estate. Soldiers are moving around on the road.","GWEN (voice-over) : Yeah, they're spies. Hush now, darling. Nice and quiet. CUT inside the Davies house Gwen is putting a pink coat on a little girl.","GWEN : Don't make a sound, that's right, like a game, yeah ? ANDY (into the radio on his jacket) : Alpha one-eight-six to Control. Is anyone there ?","GWEN : Fingers on lips. She puts her finger to her lips and the little girl imitates her.","RHIANNON : Now, you don't make a noise until we get there, OK ? You stay nice and quiet, and I'll get you some sweets, yeah ?","RHYS : Where is this place ?","RHIANNON : It's down by the field, it's all boarded up.","GWEN : Right, look. We've gotta go, right now.","RhiANNON : OK. Come on, everyone. She continues the same general encouraging words under Andy's next line.","ANDY : Alpha one-eight-six to Control. Can you hear me ?","RHIANNON : Come on, everyone, we're like spies. We're playing spies. Now, come on. That's it, no one makes a sound. She and Rhys begin to herd the children out the back door in a line.","GWEN : Are you coming ? Andy ? Andy, looking mutinous, goes out the front door. Gwen looks back at him, but she can't wait any longer, she follows the others out the back. Andy emerges from the front, hat in hand, as a line of soldiers run up to a nearby door.","ANDY : Control, this is Alpha one-eight-six. What's going on ? In back, Gwen and Rhys begin to lead the kids out. From the back, one of the troop carriers and some of the soldiers standing by it can be plainly seen. Rhys lifts the first girl into his arms.","RHYS : Take it easy. Take it easy, come on. He leads them along. Rhiannon is further down the line.","RHYS : Hurry, come on. Come on. Keep tight, yeah.","JOHNNY : Rhi ! More soldiers run up to another house and bang on the door. Inside, a woman can be heard shouting.","WOMAN : What the hell are you doing ? Johnny comes out of the house next, jogging up to Rhiannon.","JOHNNY : You take them. I'm going out the front. Somebody's gotta stop them.","RHIANNON : No, Johnny, don't be stupid.","JOHNNY : It's not just us, you daft sod. He kisses Rhiannon briefly, then goes. Soldiers are breaking into the houses now, and Gwen exhorts the children to move faster. They run along behind a low wall. Johnny's out front, running down the street to some other men who are standing on a corner.","JOHNNY : Danno ! Where's Richie ? Go get him, get Sammy, get all the boys.","MAN 1 : What's happening ?","MAN 2 : What is it ? Another man, presumably Danno, starts off.","MEN : What's wrong, what's wrong ?","JOHNNY : All that stuff on the news, all that inoculation stuff, it's bollocks, right ? The government has sold us out. They're coming to get our kids, and we're not getting them back, boys, right ? We got to stop them ? Another man runs up during this speech, into which the other men interject exclamations. Andy can be seen nearby as the soldiers move from one house to the next.","JOHNNY : We got to stop them... The music is rising and Johnny's words become lost in the shouting. A line of soldiers forms up with clear riot shields and sticks. Johnny continues to shout, urging the other men on, and together the group, now larger, begins to march toward the soldiers. Other soldiers are carrying children screaming out of a house. At this sight, the crowd breaks and runs toward the soldiers, throwing bricks as they come. The children are running in a line now, around a long brick wall and out of sight, as Johnny's mob engages with the soldiers. Another soldier continues to carry a screaming girl toward a troop carrier. Two other soldiers restrain the girl's father. Gwen, Rhys, and their charges run down and across a street, away from the violence. Johnny punches one soldier, then goes for another. Across the street, Andy looks on, his eyes angry. The soldiers are bearing Johnny down. Another child is taken from a nearby house, his mother in pursuit and stopped by more soldiers.","WOMAN : No ! Give him back ! Give him back ! Suddenly, Andy's had all he can take. He tears off the police jacket and the flak jacket underneath, undoing his belt, and wades into the fray. The children with Gwen, Rhys and Rhiannon continue to run. Andy belts one soldier. Another pushes Johnny down and holds him with his stick to Johnny's neck. Andy's punched in the stomach by another soldier, who pushes him down to the pavement, getting the stick against the back of Andy's neck. Rhys is leading the children away from the estate, past a fence, down a gravel road to a couple of sheds; all are running as fast as they can go. Rhys puts down the little girl so that he can kick in a piece of corrugated-tin siding, and he ducks inside, holding it to let everyone in and directing them to go further in. Gwen is the last, and Rhys shifts the piece of siding to cover the opening again.","DAVID : Oh, it's stinking !","RHIANNON (whispering) : Keep your voice down. The children all find places to sit, and Gwen kneels to talk to them.","GWEN : Yeah, what I need you to do is to be as quiet as you possibly can, like mice.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashton Down, where Dekker is being escorted down a hallway by four of the men in black. Further down the hall, Alice sits with Steven. As the group passes them, Alice stands, and then Steven does as well when he sees who's coming next.","STEVEN : Uncle Jack ! He runs at Jack, who also has an escort (which includes Johnson) and who is still handcuffed.","JACK : Hey, soldier ! Steven hugs Jack, grinning.","JOHNSON : We haven't got time !","JACK : Listen, stay with your mom, OK ? Steven goes back to Alice, and Jack and his escort continue down the hallway. Jack looks at Alice as he goes by, but they have no time to talk. Suzanne is behind them, and Alice approaches her.","ALICE : Sorry, would you... She bends to kiss Steven on the cheek.","ALICE : I'll be back. She hurries after Jack. Suzanne leads Steven away. Dekker and Jack are brought into the big open area previously used for footie. Dekker's equipment has been brought here as well, and lights are set up to illuminate the empty space. Dekker and Jack are led into the center of the circle of equipment; their cuffs are undone.","JOHNSON : This should be everything you need. And if it's not, we'll find it.","JACK : For what ?","JOHNSON : Wavelengths. The 456 are named after a wavelength, and that's got to be the key to fighting back.","DEKKER : You're wasting your time. There's nothing you can do. I've analysed those transmissions for forty years and never broke 'em. Without batting an eyelash, Johnson turns, draws, and fires. Dekker shouts in pain and collapses to the floor. She reholsters her gun and returns her attention to Jack.","JOHNSON : What do you think, Captain ? She told me you were good. Was she right ? At \"she\", she nods slightly to Alice, who's standing back a bit behind Jack. Jack turns to look at Alice, and for the first time in quite a while, a smile comes to Jack's face.","JACK : Let's get to work. He takes off his coat and walks off to get started. Johnson begins to smile. Over the classic Torchwood music, Jack starts to it, going to a keyboard.","JACK : Get me access to the Torchwood software. He goes to a laptop and starts typing.","JACK : Log on to the servers and... A computer-generated sound almost like a voice comes up as Jack gets into the server.","JACK : Welcome back. Dekker's behind him, leaning on a crate, his injured leg wrapped with a bandage.","DEKKER : It still won't work. There's nothing on there. It's useless.","JACK : We've got technology way beyond you.","DEKKER : We hacked into Torchwood years ago, you idiot. There's nothing.","JOHNSON : Bring him over here.","ALICE : Dad, come and look at this. She's at another laptop. Dekker groans as two of the soldiers lift him to his feet. Jack joins Alice at her laptop.","ALICE : It's some sort of pirate station. They're trying to get the story out to the public. But they're taking the kids. On the laptop, we see video of the school busses rolling by, one after another, each full of children.","WOMAN : We're broadcasting this on digital one four one. It's the kids ! Tell everyone to tune in to one four one. The shot cuts to an image of a bus disappearing behind chickenwire fencing.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A troop carrier leaving an army base, followed by school bus after school bus. The busses are driven up to a line of soldiers standing in wait. The children inside are let out and guided away in lines.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The shed where Gwen, Rhys, Rhiannon, and the children are hiding. The children fidget nervously, but are generally quiet. The wind can be heard, rattling the tin of the building. Gwen is holding the small girl who was carried by Rhys earlier, and the camera pans up to her face, revealing that she's in the middle of the speech shown at the beginning of the episode. Rhys holds the camera.","GWEN : There's one thing I always meant to ask Jack. Back in the old days. I wanted to know about that Doctor of his. All those times in history when there's no sign of him, I wanted to know why not. But I don't need to ask anymore. I know the answer now. Sometimes the Doctor must look at this planet and turn away in shame. I'm recording this in case anyone... in case anyone ever finds it. So you can see... you can see how the world ended. Slowly, Rhys lowers the camera. He has to wipe a tear from his face; then he looks up at Gwen again.","RHYS : Y-y-y-you didn't mean it, did you ? About... getting rid of it ?","GWEN : No, of course I didn't.","RHYS : OK.","GWEN : I would never...","Rhys crosses the gap between them and hugs her.","GWEN : Never. I wouldn't do that to you, sweetheart. No, I wouldn't, and I'm sorry. He sits back again, wiping under his eye and sniffing hard.","GWEN : I'm sorry. All right, darling ? She smooths the little girl's hair absently.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The conference room.","GENERAL PIERCE : Illegal broadast on digital one four one. Close it down. And take out the whole network if you have to.","DENISE RILEY : We're up to eighty percent. The people are starting to fight back. General Pierce presses a button on the phone in the middle of the table.","GENERAL PIERCE : Colonel, we're predicting eighty percent. Is that acceptable ?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Floor 13. The 456 gurgle ominously in their tank.","COLONEL ODUYA : We have up to eighty percent of the designated children. Is that enough ? The 456 are silent for a long moment.","456 : All of them. All of the designated to us.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The conference room, as General Pierce absorbs this. COLONEL ODUYA (on the phone) : Not acceptable, sir. Denise Riley and General Pierce exchange looks.","GENERAL PIERCE : We need the rest. Authorising maximum force. Bridget Spears enters the room with a folder.","BRIDGET : The latest report from Germany. Old-fashioned hard copy, I'm afraid. The system's gone into meltdown.","DENISE RILEY : You don't have to be here.","BRIDGET : It's what he would have wanted.","DENISE RILEY : Do you think so ? I can't imagine anyone wanting to be in this bloody room. She walks past Bridget, who turns her gaze on Prime Minister, seated at the head of the table. He seems to have nothing to do; he is watching others work.","WOMAN (on phone) : Yes. Yes. The shot closes in on a tight focus of Bridget's eyes.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashton Down. Jack talks with Johnson.","JACK : If we cycle the wavelength back at them...","DEKKER : I know what you're trying to do. A constructive wave. Jack watches him warily.","DEKKER : Do you think people aren't working on that all over the world ? But it's never gonna work. The effect would be like shouting at the 456, that's all. Just shouting.","JACK : Why did Clem die ?","JOHNSON : It was the 456 that killed him.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The image from Day Four, Clem clutching his ears and screaming in pain as Gwen holds him.","JACK : But how did they do it ? Why did they do it ?","JOHNSON : We've got the recording here.","JACK : His mind must have synced to the 456 back when he was a child. But they didn't need to kill him. He wasn't any threat. Unless maybe that connection hurt them.","JOHNSON : This is the 456 at the moment of his death. We've lifted the sound from the Thames House link. Dekker gets up to listen as the sound of the 456 screeching plays on Jack's laptop. It shows on the screen as a waveform.","JACK : That sound, Mr Dekker, what's that sound ?","DEKKER : I don't know, it's new.","JACK : Exactly. It's new. He's starting to look more hopeful.","[SCENE_BREAK]","An army base, where soldiers herd children into a large circle : one of the designated rendez-vous points. The men stand around the children to corral them in place. Another bus comes in, then another, bringing more children. Soon the larged paved area is completely full of children below puberty.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashton Down. Alice has taken interest in the discussion now.","JACK : We don't have to analyse the wavelength, just copy it. Turn it into a constructive wave. But we've got no way of transmitting.","DEKKER : Of course you have.","JACK : Shut up.","DEKKER : Same way as them.","JACK : I'll find something else.","JOHNSON : What does he mean ?","JACK : Don't listen to him.","JOHNSON : Dekker, tell me.","DEKKER : The 456 used children. To establish the resonance.","JOHNSON : Meaning what ?","DEKKER : We need a child.","ALICE : What do you mean ?","DEKKER : Centre of the resonance. Hoo ! That child's gonna fry. He chuckles. Jack is quiet, his eyes dark as he seeks solutions. Alice's face begins to grow scared.","ALICE : No, Dad. No, tell them no.","JOHNSON : One child or millions.","ALICE : Dad, no. Dad, tell them no !","JOHNSON : We're running out of time.","ALICE : Dad, no ! No, Dad !","JOHNSON : Captain ! His face blank, Jack quickly nods. Alice's eyes are round with fright and she goes running.","ALICE : Steven !","[SCENE_BREAK]","The shed behind the estate. David is peeking out the opening. He sees soldiers running up to a woman on the street, who points in the direction of the shed.","DAVID : Rhys. Quick. Rhys leaves Gwen to go look. When he peers out, he sees several soldiers jogging toward the shed.","RHYS : Incoming ! Everybody out ! Quick ! Everybody out ! At his shout, everyone gets to their feet, heading for the far end of the shed.","RHYS : Quick ! Come on ! Let's go ! Outside, the soldiers approach.","RHYS : Quick ! Come on ! Quick ! Come on. Quick, out. He helps rush the children along. They have to climb up a ladder. Behind another ladder, a girl has hidden herself, crying.","GWEN : Come on, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick. At the top, Rhys pushes out a piece of plywood closing up the entrance and hops out, leading the kids, grabbing at a little girl's hand. The soldiers kick in the tin blocking the front entrance and enter the shed. They shout directions to each other. The little girl behind the ladder shrinks, trying to not be seen. It's no good; one of the soldiers picks her up.","GIRL : Get away ! Get away ! She screams as she's taken. The other soldiers run out the back way, pursuing the others.","ALICE (voice-over) : Steven ! Steven ! Steven !","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashton Down. Alice is pelting down a hallway, three of the men in black in pursuit. One of them manages to stop her; another hikes Steven over his shoulder.","STEVEN : Mummy !","ALICE : No ! Steven !","STEVEN : Mummy ! The men take Steven past Alice while she's held to the wall, unable to stop them.","STEVEN : Mummy !","ALICE : My baby !","STEVEN : Mummy ! Mummy !","ALICE : Steven, run away !","[SCENE_BREAK]","The estate. The children scream as they run across wet, muddy ground, away from the pursuing soldiers. Gwen carries the little girl she was holding before; she lags behind the others. The images are blurred and jolted; much of the screaming is lost in the music overlaying these scenes.","GWEN : Run ! Run !","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashton Down. Jack sets up the necessary equipment as Steven is brought into the circle. He's set down on a stand in the middle of it.","STEVEN : What are we doing, uncle Jack ? Jack doesn't respond, going from one laptop to another.","STEVEN : What's happening ? What do you want me to do ? Alice, in the hallway, continues to scream.","ALICE : Steven, get away ! She finally manages to tear away from the soldiers holding her and goes running.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The estate. The soldiers are catching up, nearly on the group of children, Rhys, Gwen, and Rhiannon. They descend, grabbing at coats to stop the children. One grabs David, another gets Rhiannon as a third starts to carry off Mica.","RHIANNON : No ! Her other shouts are indistinguishable over the music. Rhys is forced to the ground by another soldier. Gwen keeps running with her burdern.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashton Down. Alice runs back to the big room, but the door is locked and she can't get in.","ALICE : Steven ! Steven ! Jack's work has become fast-paced and frantic now.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The estate, as soldiers continue to pursue Gwen.","CUT to Ashton Down","ALICE : Run ! Run ! Jack has completed his work. Steven stands in the center of the circle, confused. He looks around. CUT to the estate Gwen is still running.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashton Down. Jack stands before the laptop, his eyes swimming with unshed tears. Then he stabs a single key. A humming, buzzing sound begins to emerge from the equipment. Behind Dekker, screens show sound waveforms moving on a graph. Steven suddenly goes still. Jack types another command on the laptop, presumably copying the wavelength. Then he stands back. Steven begins to make the shrill sound first given out by the children in Day One, the sound of attunement. On the other side of the reinforced glass, Alice can only watch in terror.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The army base. Every child on the pavement opens their mouth and begins to make the same shrill sound.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The estate. Gwen has set down the girl she was carrying as she, too, begins to make the sound.","[SCENE_BREAK]","An overhead shot of Thames House. Inside, on floor 13, Colonel Oduya still stands before the tank. He can hear the sound, and so can the other UNIT soldiers in the room. And so can the 456. They begin to groan. Colonel Oduya watches in interest.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The army base. The children are all giving the sound in the exact same note.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashton Down. Steven begins to twitch as he makes the sound. His body jerks more and more violently as seconds pass. Alice hammers on the glass.","ALICE : Steven ! Steven's body moves so quickly it becomes a blur to the eye. Blood trickles from his nose and down onto his shirt.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Floor 13. The 456 react more violently.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The army base. The children make the same sound.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Floor 13. One of the UNIT soldiers trains his gun on the tank as the 456 flail in earnest, slapping their flippers on the glass and screeching. Then, instead of snot, blood splashes on the inside of the tank. Colonel Oduya covers his face instinctively. The 456 slam the tank hard.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashton Down. Steven's jerking and shaking grows more violent. Johnson has to look away. Only Jack remains witness, his face wet. Outside, Alice sobs, barely able to see through the glass through the condensation of her breath.The cuts are very fast now. Floor 13 : the 456 writhing. The army base, the children continuing. Floor 13 to the army base to floor 13. Ashton Down : Steven's spasms are enormous and both nostrils leak dark blood. Tears slide down Johnson's face. Jack suppresses some show of emotion, his eyes shining. Suddenly, the sound stops. On floor 13, another violent gout of blood splashes the inner wall of the tank, followed by several smaller ones on every inner surface. Then the whole inside of the tank lights up in flames, startling Colonel Oduya and the UNIT soldiers, who shield their eyes. As they watch, the transportation process reverses, the fire shooting upward through the ceiling and into the sky, much faster than when it descended. The clouds close over the hole made in them and then disappear altogether.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The conference room. All that can be seen on the video feeds for floor 13 is static.","GENERAL PIERCE : Colonel, do we have a report ? The room is completely silent.","GENERAL PIERCE : Colonel, what happened ?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Floor 13. Colonel Oduya is still processing the events he just witnessed.","GENERAL PIERCE (on phone) : Colonel !","COLONEL ODUYA : It's gone, sir. The 456 has gone. He walks slowly toward the tank, which is now completely empty, the inside walls clean, the atmosphere also apparently taken in the fire that removed the 456.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The estate, where Rhys has joined Gwen with the little girl.","GWEN : What did you do, clever girl ? What did you do ? She hugs the girl tight and sinks back.","GWEN : What did you go ?","RHYS : Hey ! Now that the threat has passed, the soldiers have released the children. Rhiannon sinks to her knees as Mica runs to her.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashton Down. Alice is still pressed to the glass.","JOHNSON : Let her in. A buzzer sounds, and the door unlocks. Alice darts inside and runs straight through the circle to Steven, who lays limp on the stand in the middle of the equipment. Dried blood crusts his ears as well as his nose. Alice sits and pulls him into her lap, smoothing his hair, sobbing.","ALICE : No, no, no, no, no ! She turns her grieving face on her father as she gathers Steven's body to her.","ALICE : No ! No ! Somebody help him ! Help him ! Jack stands passively, letting the tears fall, as the camera pulls away from his face. Alice's sobs echo in the room and she rocks Steven's body in her arms.","ALICE : No, please, no. Why ? Why ? Oh, please.","[SCENE_BREAK]","The conference room. The last of the officials are leaving the room. General Pierce stands at one end of the room, facing Prime Minister, who's still seated at the head of the table, while Denise Riley arranges some folders on the table and Bridget Spears stands nearby.","GENERAL PIERCE : Prime Minister. He salutes, then turns and leaves the room. Once the Americans are all gone, Denise Riley turns to the Prime Minister.","DENISE RILEY : The public will be wanting a statement, sir. Green inhales deeply.","PRIME MINISTER : I suppose you could say we were lucky.","DENISE RILEY : A bit soon to tell. We don't know exactly what happened yet.","PRIME MINISTER : Lucky with the Americans, I mean. General Pierce took charge without ratification from the United Nations. We can say that today's events were in American hands.","BRIDGET : And do you think that's lucky ?","PRIME MINISTER (laughing) : Yes, I, I do, rather.","BRIDGET : Your first thought now is to save your own skin. In which case, you might like to know, I paid a visit this morning, sir. I went to see Lois Habiba. You might remember her. I sat with her a while. We had a number of things to discuss. And while I was there, I used the emergency protocols to sign out a particular piece of evidence.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A flashback, showing Bridget signing a piece of paper while a policeman removes something from a plastic bag.","POLICEMAN : Thank you.","Bridget takes the item : a contact lens case.","CUT to the present","BRIDGET : Contact lenses, sir. The Torchwood contact lenses. And Lois was very helpful. She told me how they worked.","[SCENE_BREAK]","A flashback of Lois talking. No sound can be heard, but she seems to be illustrating the use of the lenses.","CUT to the present moment","BRIDGET : I can hardly feel them, sir. We see a shot of the Prime Minister through the lenses.","BRIDGET : But everything that happened in this room has been recorded, sir. All waiting to be made public by me. Including your statement just now that after the events of today you feel, as you said in your very own words, sir, \"lucky\".","PRIME MINISTER : You wouldn't dare. I can have you arrested.","DENISE RILEY : I don't think so. Thank you, Bridget, you're free to go. And Miss Habiba will be released, I'll see to it myself. I think I'll be taking charge of very many things in the days to come. Is that all, sir ? The Prime Minister looks dazed, trying to form words but then giving up.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ashton Down. Jack sits on a narrow bench in a long hallway. His silhouette is dark in the hall, with sunlight on the wall just beyond him, at the far end is a set of double doors. One of the doors opens, and Alice steps out, Jack's head turns when he hears the door open. Alice stops as the door swings shut behind her. She catches sight of Jack and goes still. Jack sits on the bench, his hands folded and expression guarded. After a moment, Alice steps backward, leaning on the door to press it open, and turns, walking away. Jack continues to sit for a moment as, very faintly, dialogue from earlier plays. STEVEN : Uncle Jack ! JACK : Hey, soldier. Finally, Jack takes a deep breath and stands, walking down the hall in the opposite direction from Alice. He pushes open the double doors leading outside and exits into light.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Six months later. A dirt road, wet, overhung with trees and greenery. A car's headlights show and come closer as the title card comes up. As the car approaches, the occupants are revealed : Gwen and Rhys. Rhys is driving. He pulls the car off to the side of the road and cuts the engine. Both unbuckle their seatbelts, and Rhys gets out, coming around to open Gwen's door for her. Her smile is fond.","RHYS : There's no more road. We'll have to walk from now on. You all right ? Out of the car, Gwen's huge belly is revealed.","GWEN : You fuss over me one more time...","RHYS : I'm just saying.","GWEN : Well, don't. Rhys locks the car with a little beep from the remote, and they start to walk, smiling at each other. The view from the top of the hill shows Cardiff spread out below them, lights marking the roads and buildings. Gwen and Rhys hold hands as they climb to the top. They pause part of the way there, seeing something, and the camera turns to reveal Jack standing at the top of the hill, his coat buckled around him. Gwen chuckles, holding her belly, and she and Rhys finish walking up to meet him.","GWEN : Couldn't have just chosen a pub, could you ?","RHYS : It's bloody freezing. My feet.","JACK : Oh, I missed that, the Welsh complaining. You look good.","GWEN : I look huge.","RHYS : She's bloody gorgeous. Jack smiles at that, and Gwen approaches him.","GWEN : You OK ?","JACK : Yeah. She touches his collar as if to neaten it.","GWEN : Did it work ?","JACK : Travelled all sorts of places. This planet is too small. The whole world is like a graveyard.","GWEN : Come back with us.","JACK : Haven't travelled far enough yet. Got a lot of dirt to shake off my shoes. And right now, there's a cold-fusion cruiser surfing the ion reefs just at the edge of the solar system, just waiting to open its transport dock. As he speaks, he looks up, and a light winks in the sky high above. Then he returns his gaze to Gwen.","JACK : I just need to send a signal. Gwen holds up a finger : \"one second\". She digs in her pocket and produces Jack's wriststrap.","GWEN : They found it in the wreckage. Indestructible. Like its owner. She gives it to him, and he places it on his wrist.","GWEN : I, eh, put on a new strap for you.","RHYS : Cost me fifty quid, that.","JACK : Bill me !","GWEN : Are you ever coming back, Jack ?","JACK : What for ?","GWEN: Me. Gwen begins to get teary.","GWEN : It wasn't your fault.","JACK : I think it was.","GWEN : No.","JACK : Steven and Ianto and Owen and Tosh and Suzie and... All of them. Because of me.","GWEN : But you, you saved us. Didn't you ?","JACK : I began to like it. And look what I became. Still. I have lived so many lives. It's time to find another one. He steps back from Gwen and lifts his wriststrap (which, despite the claim of having a new leather band, still has the old marks of use). He presses a button and it begins to send a continuous beep.","GWEN : Th-they died, and I am sorry, Jack, but you cannot just run away. You cannot run away. The teleportation field begins to shimmer over Jack.","JACK : Oh, yes, I can. Just watch me. He's gone in a shimmering ball of light that shoots upward. A moment later, a light shines brightly from the sky, then winks out. Gwen stands, looking up and crying, as Rhys walks up behind her. Gwen puts her face in her hands and sobs. Gently, Rhys leans in.","RHYS : Let's go home, yeah ? Gwen turns to Rhys, still crying.","GWEN : Yeah. Yeah. She looks up again, her hands still folded, and then turns and walks away with him, his arm around her shoulders. She looks back, once, but then continues walking with Rhys, leaning on him and patting his back as they make their way down the hill."],"Show Title":"Torchwood","Episode Number":"3x05","Episode Title":"Children of Earth, \"Day Five\"","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Torchwood_4x10.json","Recap":["At CIA HQ, Charlotte is able to protect her secret by blowing up Shapiro ( John de Lancie ) and Noah ( Paul James ). Rex and Esther face a setback when the suitcase containing Jack's blood is blown up by a Families agent in the Buenos Aires military. Jack and Gwen strap Oswald to explosives to gain leverage over the Families, and learn that the miracle was caused when the Blessing - an unexplained rock formation controlling the morphic field - reacted defensively when introduced to Jack's immortal blood. Rex reveals that he secretly transfused himself with Jack's blood to keep it safe, meaning both agents are able to bloodlet into the Blessing at either end at the cost of their lives, thus ending the miracle. Esther is shot, but the group proceeds. Gwen shoots Jack, knowing that she is effectively killing her father, him, Rex and Esther. With death restored, Oswald blows himself up along with a senior Family member ( Frances Fisher ); Gwen's father dies. Jack's immortality is restored; he resurrects and escapes the facility with Gwen and Jilly. Several months later, Jilly is approached again by a Family agent ( Teddy Sears ) about assisting with their Plan B. Paramedics manage to revive Rex, but not Esther. At Esther's funeral, Charlotte's duplicity is revealed; she shoots Rex and is shot. To everyone's shock, however, Rex displays Jack's special ability, and instantly heals from his mortal wound."],"Transcript":["( Theme music playing )","Woman: What can you see?","Jilly: How far down does it go?","Woman: All the way to the other side of the world.","Buenos Aires. Shanghai. A mission on both sides of the world? And you're taking me with you. Whoa.","( Blood plops )","I never knew about that.","Gwen: I think it's showing us the way. It's The Blessing. It's somewhere over there, and I think it's calling you, Jack.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai hovel ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gwen: When I was about five or six, my dad came home from work early and I knew there was something wrong. I could hear voices from the kitchen. So I looked through the door and I could see him crying. It turns out money had gone missing from work and he'd got the blame. So I went to get all my pocket money and I put it in his hand. It must've been about \u00a32.50. And he looked at me and he said, it's not about the money. He said, I can't stand anyone thinking I'm not an honest man. And I will always remember that. Always. Because that was the first time in my life anybody had spoken to me like an adult. And then we went to the back garden and we played till dark. So that's my dad, Geraint Wyn Cooper, the nicest man in the world. And today's the day that I kill him.","( Theme music playing )","( Beeping )","[SCENE_BREAK]","Torchwood: Miracle Day Original Air Date on September 9, 2011","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Buenos Aires warehouse ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Grunts )","( Plops )","Rex: Whoa.","( Gasps )","Esther: Oh, my God.","Rex: All right, that's it. I'm done. You know, I've seen some crazy sh1t with Torchwood, but now I'm at the limit.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai hovel \/ Buenos Aires warehouse ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gwen: So we've got blood heading northwest, fifteen degrees thirty eight minutes thirty nine seconds north. What have you got?","( Beeps )","Esther: Er, it's heading southeast, twenty three degrees six minutes four seconds south.","Gwen: You keep that blood safe. They've destroyed blood banks in both cities. That's got to be important.","Rex: I've got it. It's safe.","( Groans loudly )","Rex: Who was that?","Gwen: Damn it.","Rex: Is that World War Two? What's wrong?","Jack: It feels like all the blood inside me is trying to get out, churning.","Rex: Tell me about it.","Jack: Why? What's wrong with you?","Esther: ( Exhales softly ) You're not the only one affected by the Miracle. It saved Rex's life and we don't know what happens next if we stop this thing. Maybe death catches up with him.","Rex: Okay, okay, enough with the superstition. Let's get back to the mission, people.","Gwen: If both cities are connected underground, it's like a pole.","Jack: A secondary pole. The magnetic pole goes north to south, and now this, from Buenos Aires to Shanghai.","Rex: What is it?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Speaking Mandarin )","Mother: Forgive me, but according to our contacts there are forces moving in, so we're advancing the plan. Midnight tonight, long after we're gone, we're blowing this whole thing sky high.","( Gasps )","( Men speaking Mandarin )","Jilly: Won't that stop the Miracle?","Mother: On the contrary. It'll become never-ending. The Blessing won't be hurt, just buried so that no one can ever change it again.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai hovel \/ Buenos Aires warehouse ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gwen: I'm gonna follow. If I keep going fifteen degrees thirty eight minutes north, I'll find it. Wait for my call. And Rex, Esther, you take care, okay? You never know. We might meet in the middle.","Rex: Yeah, well, I guess there's a first time for everything.","Esther: Good luck.","Rex: And hey, you take care. Don't do those stupid, lame-ass Torchwood things. Be professional for once.","Gwen: Like you taught me, yeah?","Rex: Yeah, that's right. Just like I taught you.","Esther: See you soon, yeah? When all this is over.","Danes: Speaking as a man who's walked to his death, can I say I did it with a lot less sentiment?","Gwen: Just you wait. If this goes right, murder's coming back.","Rex: Jack, listen to me. I've got no choice now. I need to bring in the CIA. for backup. Because if we find this place, we're gonna have to move in and take it fast and hard.","Jack: Don't give away our location. Keep Torchwood a secret. Promise?","Rex: Sure. And hey, let's meet up for drinks afterwards.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Buenos Aires warehouse ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Rex: Well, you always wanted to be a part of Clandestine, didn't you? Well, you just got promoted.","Rex: Yeah, this is Rex Matheson.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CIA Analysts office ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Shapiro: Ladies and gentlemen. As of this moment Clandestine is running this room. I am declaring special ops, station one, as designated by field Agent Rex Matheson. Adam, secure linkup. Charlotte, we're gonna need translation in this room now.","Charlotte: Yes, sir. What language?","Shapiro: Spanish. We need experts in Rioplatense Spanish. Now, listen up, everybody. It's eleven oh nine am. in DC, twelve oh nine pm in Buenos Aires. To confirm, this operation is active in Buenos Aires.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mother: Buenos Aires, this is Shanghai. We're setting detonation at twelve midnight. Confirm one pm your location. Over.","Cousin (over P.A. O.C.): One hour post meridian confirmed.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Buenos Aires Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cousin: What a beautiful day. Over.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mother: Buenos Aires and Shanghai, perfect antipodes, give or take a hundred miles or so. There's a slight deviation, because the Earth's not a perfect sphere. Are you getting all this?","Jilly: Oh, yes. Every word. If that runs right through the centre of the Earth, why isn't this thing a volcano?","Mother: Again, no idea. Isn't that wonderful? The laws of The Blessing are beyond us. That's why it took us so long to work out what it can do.","Jilly: How did you even find it?","Mother: Well, we had to wait until the world grew up, until the information age became fast enough so we could crunch the numbers on a massive scale. Facts became visible that were never visible before, such as a tiny little statistic hidden in the heart of Shanghai Old Town. The average life expectancy of those living within a two mile radius of this point was exactly equal to the average life expectancy of the world, and it always had been. Say in 1998, the average life expectancy from birth on this planet was sixty six years, five months and thirty three days. In this area in Shanghai, it was sixty six years, five months and thirty three days exactly. Try going back a hundred years to 1898. The average life expectancy was forty nine years, nine months and five days. Shanghai, forty nine years, nine months, five days. It was as if something on this spot was calibrating a matrix, subsisting alongside humankind in harmony.","Jilly: But the Chinese didn't know about it.","Mother: We paid them to look the other way.","Jilly: It does make you seem kind of colonial.","Mother: Well, is that such a bad word? Besides, we changed the whole of the world, and this is just phase one.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Buenos Aires warehouse \/ CIA Analysts office ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Rex: Mister Shapiro, sir.","Shapiro: This is Sandra Lopez. She's handling translation.","( Speaking Spanish )","Rex: Buenos dies, para usted. *** del Argentina.","Sandra: He said, \"Good morning, sir.\"","Shapiro: Listen, Rex, confirming your request for armed support. Your liaison is going to be Captain Federico Santos. Now he's gonna need strict ratification. The Argentinean army is not allowed by law to get involved in civil conflicts on their own soil.","Rex: Yeah, well, these are the three Families, sir. They can classify it as a North American incursion. Oh, and by the way, Esther needs help. She's with me.","Shapiro: If you mean Esther Drummond, can I just point out she's officially on the run from the CIA?","Noah: I knew it.","Charlotte: She'd follow him anywhere.","Shapiro: Miss Drummond, remind me to arrest you when this is all over.","Esther: Yes, sir. Now I need a check on all properties, residences and businesses falling in the path of this line. ( Beeps ) Sending it to you now.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CIA Analysts office ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Charlotte: But that's one of the densest populations on Earth. With a backwards economy, half that information won't even be recorded.","Sandra: Excuse me, but foreign investment's still rare in Argentina, so we've been tracking contract intensive money since 1980. The information's on file just waiting to be filtered.","Charlotte: Excellent. Good call. Thank you.","Noah: Hey, might be a good time to start that trace.","Shapiro: What, in the middle of all this? It's not tested. I mean, it could bring down the whole system. I want that line passed through every single intel division.","Charlotte: Hey. So, what's the trace?","Noah: Er, it's new software from the D.I.A. ( Beeps ) So, the three Families, they use that vine technology to piggyback their calls on fifty thousand different lines. But the trace runs backwards, so it detects vine activity and then follows it back to the source. If there's a mole working in this department, it means we can find him.","Charlotte: Excellent. Good news.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai shop ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Car honks )","( Clucking )","( Footsteps approach )","( Woman speaking Mandarin )","Gwen: Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I am sorry. I've just got to keep going 15\u00b0 North and your shop is in the way, so tough, really.","( Bangs, grunts )","Gwen: Whoa. I need to get out. Can I get out?","Gwen: Well, if you open it, you get rid of me, okay? So door, gone, me bye bye.","Chinese Woman: No door.","Gwen: No door? Why no door?","Chinese Woman: Bad place. Many ghost.","Gwen: Okay, listen. If you open that door, I will give you all the money in the world.","( Whispers )","Gwen: Yeah?","( Lock clicks )","[i]( Door shuts )","( Wind blowing )[\/i]","Chinese Woman: Very bad, yes?","Gwen: Very, very bad.","Gwen: I think I found it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai hovel ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jack: Oswald, we're moving.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Buenos Aires warehouse ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Rex: Esther, this is Captain Santos, Fourth Manoeuvre Unit, Second Brigade.","Esther: I think they found it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CIA Analysts office ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Noah: There's been no paperwork around this site since 2001. Access is via an alleyway running between South Pacheco Street and Rivadavia.","Shapiro: What's the name of the alley?","Noah: Well, that's the point, sir.","Sandra: It's not designated. It hasn't got a name.","Noah: Just like the three Families. They wiped it off the map. All right, that's it. Rex, prepare to mobilise.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai hovel ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jack: Anything you don't need, leave behind.","Danes: We're coming back though, isn't that right? We're coming back?","Jack: I don't know. Are we? ( Chuckles ) So much for your death fetish when it all gets too real, huh? Still, that victim of yours, Susie Cabina, how much choice did she have?","Danes: Who are you?","Jack: Captain Jack Harkness.","Danes: No. I spent a long time in prison, and I know the smile of a man who's done terrible things. And your friends, I've been watching them. Sometimes they like you, sometimes they love you and sometimes, just once or twice, glittering away in those tiny little gaps, they fear you.","Jack: I'm from the future.","Danes: Well, now.","Jack: I come from the future.","( Chuckling )","Danes: Then you must know. Do we make it through this day?","Jack: The future can change. It's being written right now. But one thing I do know. I've seen the stars. I have seen the Universe. I have seen the human race become vast and magnificent and endless. And I wish you could see it, Oswald. I wish you could see that too. 'Cause then you'd know how small you've made your life.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai shop \/ Swansea home ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gwen: It's me. Still alive.","Rhys: You'd better be or there'll be trouble. Anwen says hello.","Gwen: No, she doesn't. She's tiny. She hasn't got a clue.","Rhys: All right, okay.","Gwen: Sorry. Ready?","Rhys: Yeah, we can get into the camp. Andy's worked it out. He's here now. He's got me this police visa. That should get me in.","Andy: Torchwood calls and here I am.","Gwen: Tell him thanks.","Rhys: She says thanks.","Andy: She'll be the death of me.","Rhys: The trouble is, there's only the one visa, so we can't get your mom in.","Mary: I wouldn't go, not to that godforsaken place.","Rhys: Andy's checked the list and your dad, he's still there, Category One. He's in one of the wards. They haven't sent him... ( sighs ) They haven't sent him off yet. Is there anything you want me to say to him, Gwen? I mean...","Gwen: I feel like I'm killing him. Because if this goes right, the Miracle ends, my father dies.","( Sighs )","Rhys: Well, you know what? Let him die. I mean, bless the poor bugger. I mean, he's had his time. You just come back alive. You got that?","Mary: She'd better. Tell her for me.","Rhys: Yeah, you come back or I will be furious.","Gwen: All right, will do. Got to go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai shop ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Chinese Woman: Sad girl.","Gwen: Yes, I am.","Chinese Woman: Crazy girl.","Gwen: Yes, that's me. Thank you. Cheers.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Outside the Buenos Aires warehouse ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Truck engine starts )","Rex: And if that happens, the regrouping will go through me. We'll have to ratify that with Washington.","Soldier: I help you, yes? Give it to me.","Esther: Thank you. There you go.","Soldier: We take care. American goods.","( Esther laughs )","Esther: ( Grunts ) And that.","Soldier: Thanks.","Esther: Someone help me up?","( Pants, grunting loudly )","Esther: Are you all right?","Santos: You okay? What's wrong?","Esther: He was injured.","Rex: No, no. No, it's, it's nothing. It's just an old war wound.","( Pants )","Esther: It's getting worse.","( Woman speaking Spanish )","( Speaking Spanish )","( Guns cocking )","( Both shouting )","( Gunfire )","( Esther coughing )","( Speaks Spanish )","Santos: Capitan Santos...","Rex: No, no, no, no! ( Smashes ) We're dead! Don't you get it? We're dead! We were in that explosion. Come on, let's go inside. Let's go. Get up.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CIA Analysts office ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Charlotte: Sir, we've lost radio contact. The link with the army just cut dead.","Shapiro: Can't have. Get a hold of them.","( Speaking Spanish )","( Alarm blaring )","Sandra: That's an explosion.","Noah: That's special ops station 2, sir. That's Rex and Esther.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Buenos Aires warehouse ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Santos: All my men.","Rex: Captain, snap out of it. On your feet. Now, listen to me. I need you to go to that base, okay? But I want you to tell them that we died. Understand that? Now look, you can try to get another squad, but do not tell them that Esther and I are still running, okay?","Santos: What are you gonna do?","Rex: They think that we're already dead. So now's the perfect time, and I'm going in on my own.","Esther: I'm coming with you.","Rex: Oh, sh1t. Fine, yeah, whatever. Come here.","Santos: But you've only got handguns. There's just two of you. You need more than that!","Esther: Our special weapon went up in smoke.","Rex: We had the blood. The only mortal blood in the world and it's on that truck.","( Phone ringing )","Esther: It's Gwen.","Rex: Don't answer it. Everyone needs to think that we're dead, okay? Now, come on, let's go. Let's move.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ CIA Analysts office ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Shapiro: Somebody betrayed us. They had information inside the Directorate. All right, Miller, run that trace.","Noah: I need clearance from the...","Shapiro: I don't care about the protocols. I don't care if it brings down the whole pissing system. Run the trace and find the b*st*rd. Now, let's go!","Noah: Okay. If there's a vine... ( Beeping ) .. this should track it right down to the handset.","( Clicks, beeps )","Charlotte: Any luck?","Shapiro: Almost.","Charlotte: I hope you catch that traitor.","Charlotte: Oh, hey, Sandra. I think Mister Shapiro wanted to see you.","Sandra: Okay. Thanks.","Sandra: You wanted to see me, sir?","Shapiro: No. What for?","Sandra: I don't know. That analyst said...","Sandra: I'm sorry, what's her name?","( Beeps )","Noah: Charlotte?","Shapiro: Oh, f*ck.","( Beeps )","( Muffled shouting )","( People shouting )","Charlotte: What's going on? What was that? ( Alarm blaring ) Was that a bomb?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai shop ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Speaking Mandarin )","Jack: Okay, what have we got?","Gwen: The sublink's just said there's been an explosion in Buenos Aires. Special ops. It's Esther and Rex.","Danes: They're dead?","Gwen: What do you care? Why don't you just shut it!","Jack: Okay. Oh! Look, I'm sorry, but we can't do this, not now.","Gwen: This is about you, Jack. If the Miracle is connected to your blood, then God help them, but they had the only reserve. The only blood we have now is in you.","Jack: Then I'd better be careful.","Gwen: But you could die this time.","Jack: That's the game.","Gwen: Yeah.","Jack: Let's go.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Buenos Aires ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Uh-huh. Okay.","( Rex grunts )","( Snaps )","( Rex grunts )","( Snaps )","( Grunts )","( Distant barking )","( Elevator gate shuts )","Come on.","( Grunts )","( Esther panting )","( Elevator clanking )","Esther: How do we get down there?","Rex: I'm looking. I'm looking. There's got to be stairs somewhere. ( Clatters ) You know, you could stay up here if you want.","Esther: Oh, I was kind of hoping you wouldn't say that. ( Pants )","Rex: I got you in a whole lot of trouble, huh?","Esther: I did that all on my own.","Rex: I never did thank you, did I?","Esther: No, you didn't.","Rex: Yeah, well, don't expect it now. There. Stairs. West block hallway. Right here. Come on.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jack: Over here.","Danes: There's gonna be guards all the way in. You can't keep doing this. They're gonna find us.","Gwen: Shut him up. Of all the bastards to bring on a mission--","Danes: You condemn me? You Category One these men with your bare hands.","Jack: Keep your voice down.","( Mutters )","Gwen: He's got a point. He's got a point. We're just like bandits. We're just on the perimeter here, Jack. How the hell are we meant to get deep inside?","( Phone buzzing )","Gwen: ( Mutters ) Damn. It's Rhys. He's found my dad.","( Horn blares )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Cowbridge Overflow Camp ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Rhys: Hey. It's me, the useless article. I brought you a message. Gwen sends her love. Mary sends her love. We all do. All of us.","Nurse: He's the lucky one. See that girl over there? She was brought in as Category One. She must be 15, 16. No one's tried to claim her. We don't even know her name. Anyway, you've got till the end of the shift and then we're moving this lot. They're going to the furnace.","Rhys: No, I, I want to spend more time with him, please.","Nurse: Make the most of it, then.","Andy: Can't we delay the transport?","Nurse: Look, we've got this place running like clockwork now. You've got ten minutes, then they're gone.","Andy: But they're still alive. And you're gonna burn them?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Horn blares )[\/i]","Gwen: Yeah, all clear.","Jack: Wait a minute. I was in China for the Boxer Rebellion, and I know what that lettering means.","( Laughing )","Jack: Ha, ha. Oswald, I've changed my mind. I'm so glad you're here.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Alarm beeping )","Mother: I knew it.","Jilly: What's happening?","Mother: You're about to meet the creator.","Jilly: It's that soldier.","Mother: Hmph.","Jilly: He's with Oswald?","( Whirring )","( Woman speaking Mandarin )","( Cocks )","Mother: Captain Jack Harkness. At last.","Danes: No, no, no, no, this isn't about Jack. No, ma'am. Excuse me, but it's not at all. My name is Oswald Danes. Well. Hmm. ( Chuckles ) Good evening, Miss Kitzinger. You've been promoted. And this is the new empire you're servicing? My my my my my my my.","Mother: With all due respect, Mister Danes, you're a by-product of the Miracle. Not really relevant at all.","Danes: That's what the Captain said. He tried to tell me that my life has become a very small thing. Tiny. And yet right here, right now, at the very end, I would describe myself differently. I would call myself vital.","Danes: Madam, you're a fine woman. You should be careful now, very careful indeed. It seems like you've been planning some kind of an explosion, but I'd love to make sure you're still inside.","Jack: Advantage Torchwood.","Cousin (over P.A. O.C.): Well, I'm afraid we have a major disagreement here in Buenos Aires.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Buenos Aires Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cousin: I'd say advantage Families. Say hello to your friends.","Jack (O.C.): What's that supposed to mean?","Rex: He means us.","Gwen (O.C.): Rex? Oh my God.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Both Blessing chambers ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gwen: And Esther?","Esther: I'm here. They caught us.","Gwen: Just glad to hear you're alive.","Cousin: I'll swap your standoff for my standoff.","Rex: Don't you do it.","( Guns cock )","Cousin: But nobody dies. She'll keep on living, just perforated.","Rex: Threaten me, you coward, not her.","Esther: Rex. Hey, I'm okay.","Jack: If you hurt her, we've got explosives here ready to go.","Danes: And don't imagine I won't. Whatever happens here tonight, there's no place on Earth that I can go, and I wasn't planning on coming out of here alive.","Cousin: So, who's gonna lose their nerve first?","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jack: The thing is, we don't need explosives or guns or threats, because I've got the most powerful thing of all.","( Loud crunching, crackling )[\/i]","Jack: It wants me. Mortal blood. The only one in the whole world. So I suggest you're very careful with me, okay?","Danes: And if you fail to take the Captain's advice, you can certainly come to oblivion with me. Jack, you're the future man. You've seen wonders beyond this world, so tell us of these Blessings and Miracles.","Gwen: What the hell is that thing?","( Jack chuckles )","Jack: Can you feel it?","Gwen: Yeah, I can feel it. Oh, yeah. God, I can. Okay, God. Oh, my God.","Mother: It is said that it reflects your own self back at you. What can you see?","Gwen: Enough guilt to last me a lifetime. But that's okay. I'm a working mother. I don't need the Blessing to tell me that.","Mother: And you, Jack?","Jack: I've lived so many lives. And now I can see them all. Hey. Not so bad.","Jilly: Well, you might want to question your choice of weapon, soldier. Let's see. You brought the world's biggest b*st*rd, wired him up to a bomb and then showed him his soul. Hmm, that's good work. You know, I feel really safe right now.","( Pants )","Jack: Oswald? Oswald. Don't lose it.","Danes: Sin. The Blessing feels like sin.","( Laughs )","Jack: Oswald, don't. I need you.","( Panting )","Danes: I guess I'm accustomed to sin.","( Sighs )","Jack: Thank you.","Gwen: I still don't get it. What are we looking at? The Blessing, is it the rock or is it the edge? What?","Jack: It's the gap in between, the nothingness. The space. It's alive.","Danes: It's like they broke the world.","Gwen: You're the expert. What is it?","Jack: The world's been turning for over four billion years. There's so much buried under its skin. The Doctor used to say there's Silurian mythology, Huon particles, Racnoss energy, an expansion of their hibernation matrix, maybe.","Gwen: You don't bloody know, do you?","Jack: No. ( Laughs )","Gwen: No. ( Laughs ) It's been here since the Earth began?","Jack: Could be.","Gwen: Yeah. Oh, it has. I can feel it. We're so used to these things being extraterrestrial, but this might be the most terrestrial thing of them all. Wow.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Buenos Aires Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Rex: So, you found The Blessing and you worked out this morphic field.","Cousin: The Blessing exists in a symbiotic relationship with the human race. It transmits a morphic field around the planet, binding us together like magnetism, like sunlight.","Esther: But finding it wasn't enough. You had to experiment on it.","Cousin: No, we fed it.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Mother: We fed it the blood of an immortal. We had one remarkable artefact. We found a second remarkable artefact. The combination was inevitable.","Gwen: So The Blessing absorbed the blood, copied it like a new template. So, the system changed its setting.","Jack: You know why it did that? I think you hurt it. It was being attacked, so it took the blood pattern and made it a gift. It's exerting itself to sustain every person on the planet. This whole Miracle, it's trying to be kind.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Buenos Aires Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Rex: You've seen immortality. I'm living it. Why would you want this?","Cousin: This is only stage one.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gwen: But you ruined the world out there!","Mother: The Miracle shocked the economy. The economy collapsed. We tear down in order to rebuild. And now it's almost within sight. The new world.","Gwen: Yeah, with no room for the poor, the weak or the ones that don't fit in.","Mother: That's the way the world works. Now, we're just making it official. The families have just been waiting. Now we can step in to control the banks. The banks control government. The government controls people. Soon we'll be able to decide who lives, how long, where and why.","Jilly: It's about time!","Gwen: Oh, great. So it's the world according to Kitzinger, is it?","Jilly: Listen, you can bleed your liberal heart all over the place, but are you really gonna tell me the world was working before? Because I have worked for the rich and the powerful and the obese. I have stared into the high end of Western society and let me tell you, it is like shoveling an open sewer. These families, they want to make the world fitter, more compact, more disciplined. And I like the sound of that. That sounds like salvation.","Jack: But before you launched this brave new world, you had to deal with one more thing. Yeah. Me.","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Both Blessing chambers ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Esther: So as soon as the miracle happened, you sent the Torchwood email.","Cousin: His blood endangers the plan. We had to draw him out into the open.","Jack: Well, you failed. I got to Shanghai. I've got the only mortal blood on the planet. If it gets into The Blessing, life switches back. I can make the whole world mortal.","( Laughing )","Mother: No.","Cousin: Oh, no.","Mother: Sadly not.","Cousin: He's not listening.","Mother: He doesn't seem to get it.","Cousin: No, no, no.","Mother: Polar dynamics, Jack.","Cousin: Everything on this axis operates in a polar dynamic field.","Mother: You could reset the Blessing, your blood could make the whole world mortal again, but only by introducing it to both cities at once.","Cousin: Blood in Buenos Aires...","Mother: Blood in Shanghai...","Cousin: Entering The Blessing simultaneously.","Mother: That's how we fed it.","Cousin: That's how we made the world immortal.","Mother: And for you, I'm sorry, it's impossible.","Cousin: You did very well, almost worked it out, but all that spare blood of yours went up in flames.","Mother: So I'm just gonna have to kill you.","( Speaks Mandarin )","Jack: Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Whoa whoa.","Mother: Jack, I know how your mind works. Even now you're ferociously calculating how you can get your blood to the other side of the world. But I can't allow that. Absolutely not.","Danes: Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh. I'm warning you, I'll do it.","Mother: Then I'll die. And that's a shame, because you can blast his blood into that wall and it won't make any difference at all.","( Speaks Mandarin )","Rex: Listen to me.","Danes: I'll do it! I'll do it!","Rex: Wait a minute. If you need the blood of Jack Harkness on the other side of the world, then just... ( grunts )","Danes: I'll do it!","Rex: Just listen to me! ( grunts ) Jack! All right. I'm all right. As I was saying, if you need Jack's blood, how about this? ( grunts )","( Loud crunching, crackling )","( Rumbling )","( Rex grunts )","Mother: What was that? What happened?","Gwen: Rex, what did you do?","Cousin: That's impossible. No way. There's nothing special about you.","Rex: Oh, but there is, when I've got Jack's blood flowing through my veins. It's inside me.","Gwen: What?","Jack: Oh, my God.","Rex: See, we knew this blood was important, so as soon as we arrived...","Esther: We transfused it into Rex. We exchanged his blood for Jack's.","( Rex yelling )","Esther: Okay okay.","( Grunting )","( Esther speaking softly )","Rex: On most days it might've killed me. But we're all living on Miracle Day.","Esther: And everyone thought the blood was gone, so no one even suspected. All we did was keep one final bag, filled the rest with Rex's blood, and Jack's mortal blood...","Rex: Just walked right in. Hey, Oswald, you want to be a walking bomb?","Mother: Get him out of there!","Rex: Well, try this. Shoot me! Shoot me! Come on! Shoot me!","Cousin: Don't! Don't! Don't!","Rex: Pull that trigger! Splatter my blood! Shoot me!","Mother: Get him out! Get him out!","Jack: Nobody move! Huh? Wow, Rex, you're a genius!","( Groans )","Rex: You just shut the hell up. All right? This sh1t hurts.","Gwen: Yeah, we've got blood on both sides of the world, Jack, but...","Mother: But they will die. Is that what you want? The Blessing will take every last drop. You'll both die, gentlemen. You'll both kill yourselves. You will die in a pit in Shanghai. Is that what you want?","Jack: I think I've lived long enough. Are you ready, Rex?","Rex: Oh, you know I wish I'd never met you, you World War II idiot. ( Chuckles ) ( Panting ) Good times, huh?","Esther: Yeah.","Rex: I'll see ya.","Gwen: Just one last thing, Jack.","Jack: What is it?","Gwen: You're never gonna be a suicide.","Jack: Thank you.","Gwen: Bye, then.","Jack: Bye.","Gwen: Face front.","Jack: This is it, Rex.","Rex: Nothing's gonna stop me.","Cousin: I think this might.","( Thuds )","Rex: No! No! No!","Gwen: What was that?","Jack: Rex, what was that?","Rex: You b*st*rd! You son of a bitch! Esther, come here. Oh, God.","Cousin: These are the days of the Miracle, Mister Matheson. She can't die, and we have infinite resources. We can help her. We can make her better.","Mother: If the Miracle ends, she dies. Is that what you want? All of you with your fine and noble deaths, do you really want to bring about hers?","Rex: Jack, what do I do?","Jack: I don't know.","Rex: Oh God, what do I do? What do I do?","Gwen: I'll tell you what you do, Rex. You carry on. Keep going back to the plan.","( Gasps )","Jack: ( Whispers ) We'll kill her.","Gwen: I know.","Rex: This is Esther we're talking about.","Gwen: Yes, I know it's Esther, and it's my dad and it's everyone who's ever gonna die. But, Rex, we've got to do this and I'm gonna tell you why. Because I'm standing here and I'm staring at Oswald Danes. And he chose when that girl lived and he chose when that girl died. And no one should have that power. Not the rich, not the mad, not anyone.","Danes: You're choosing now.","Gwen: Yeah, you watch me.","Danes: You'll kill Jack, Rex and that girl Esther. All of your Torchwood team. You'll kill them all.","Gwen: Yeah.","Danes: Oh, you are magnificent.","Gwen: Ready? Rex!","( Gags )","Rex: ( Whispers ) I'm sorry. ( Gasps, whimpers ) Yeah.","Gwen: I'm so sorry.","Mother: Don't do it! Don't!","( Sighs )","Cousin: Don't do it! You'll kill her!","( Grunts )","( Cries out )","( Rumbling )","( Yelling )","( Guards yelling in Mandarin )","Gwen (O.C.): And that's what I did. In a pit in old Shanghai I brought death back to the world. ( Inhales deeply ) They said it was like a breath. The breath that went around the whole wide world. ( Rumbling ) ( Exhales ) The last breath. And then no more. We said goodbye to them then, the dads and the mums, the sick and the old, the friends and the neighbours... ( Rumbling continues ) .. and the people we once met, and the people whose names we never knew. We said goodbye to them all on the day that death came back.","( Rumbling louder )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gwen: Jesus Christ almighty!","Danes: No! No.","Mother: Ah! No!","Danes: I'm giving you this one chance.","Mother: I'll give you estates. I'll give you places to hunt. ( Grunts )","( Gasps )","( Whirring )","Gwen: Hold that lift!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Buenos Aires Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Rex: Hey, guess what? ( Gasps ) Death came back.","Cousin: No!","( Screaming )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gwen: Ah. ( Coughs ) He changed back! He's immortal!","Gwen: Wait! ( Grunts )","( Screams )","( Whirring )","Danes: At last! A miracle!","Gwen: How much bloody lipstick can you wear?","Danes: Better run, Torchwood! I'm taking this thing with me. The whole thing!","Mother: Please! For God's sake, help me. ( Gasps ) Help me!","Danes: Oh, soon. Oh, soon I'll see her.","Mother: You won't see anybody. You're going to hell, Danes.","Danes: But that's where they go!. All the bad little girls, they run straight to hell, and I'm following!","( Rumbling intensifies )","Jack: Come on!","Danes: Susie, keep running! I'm coming to get you. ( Screams ) Run faster! Faster!","Gwen: Jilly!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Buenos Aires Blessing chamber ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Yells )","( Clattering )","Santos: Get 'em out! Get 'em out! Get them out!","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Shanghai ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Gwen: Esther and Rex, did I just kill them?","( Heart beating slowly )","( Helicopter approaching )","( Sirens approaching )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Chapel ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","( Organ music playing )","Congregation: \u266a the day thou gavest, lord \u266a \u266a is ended \u266a \u266a the darkness falls at thy behest \u266a \u266a to thee our mourning hymns ascended \u266a \u266a thy praise shall sanctify our rest \u266a \u266a we thank thee that \u266a \u266a thy church unsleeping \u266a \u266a while earth rolls onward into light \u266a \u266a through all the world \u266a \u266a her watch is keeping \u266a \u266a and rest not now by day nor night \u266a \u266a as o'er each continent \u266a \u266a and island... \u266a","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Park ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Blue eyed man: We meet again.","( Jilly gasps )","( Panting )","Jilly: I have been coming here every day for weeks, waiting for you.","Blue eyed man: We tend not to repeat patterns of behaviour. But, just this once.","Jilly: I've got nothing. What the hell am I supposed to do? I had to buy my way out of that godforsaken country. I had to sell my own jewellery! I can't go home. I've got the CIA watching out for me, the FBI, everyone. ( Emphatically ) What do I do now?","Blue eyed man: You start again.","Jilly: With who?","Blue eyed man: Us.","Jilly: Why would I do that after everything you have put me through?","Blue eyed man: Because we very nearly succeeded. As trial runs go, it was good.","Jilly: Trial runs for what?","Blue eyed man: Plan B. Interested?","( Organ music playing )","[SCENE_BREAK]","[ Avenue of Rest ]","[SCENE_BREAK]","Charlotte: I'm sorry, Rex. She was more than a colleague. I'd like to think she was a friend.","Rex: Thanks. Appreciate it.","( Sighs )","Jack: Lucky she got a full service. There's ten funerals every hour these days. Catching up with the backlog.","Rhys: Well, that's made us all feel better.","Gwen: You'd think if that Blessing was so kind, it could've shown some sort of grace. Esther died right in front of it. That morphic field could've reached out and saved one last life. Why not?","Jack: We'll never know. UNIT's sealed those sites up forever. Let that thing stay buried.","Rex: Yeah. What about you two, this Torchwood team? You reunited or what? Say no, please.","Gwen: Don't know. You staying?","Jack: You want me to stay?","Rhys: Please say no.","( Chuckles )","( Cell phone beeps )","Rex: Oh, boy. Whoa whoa whoa.","Jack: Anything wrong?","Rex: It's about Noah. You know, the analyst who died with Shapiro? They just retrieved his software from the explosion. The good thing is he told me his password because it's the same place I used to go for doughnuts. His last job was to look for that leak.","Gwen: What is it? What's it say?","Rex: sh1t. Charlotte! Charlotte! Charlotte!","( Gunshots )","Jack: Get help! Clear the area! There might be more!","Gwen: Oh, no!","Jack: No way.","Gwen: Oh, come on. No, no, not after everything he's gone through. No!","Jack: There's nothing we can do. I'm, I'm sorry, Gwen. I am so sorry. He's dead.","( Gasps )","Jack: What?","Rhys: What?","Gwen: What?","Rex: What?","Gwen: What the hell?","Jack: That's impossible.","Rex: You, World War Two, what the hell did you do to me?","( Theme music playing )"],"Show Title":"Torchwood","Episode Number":"4x10","Episode Title":"The Blood Line","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Trailer_Park_Boys_07x02.json","Recap":["J-Roc and his crew are cashing in by stealing luggage at the airport and selling the merchandise travelers's bring home from Europe, and Julian wants in. Ricky finally realizes he couldn't be the father of Lucy's baby and resolves to find out who she banged. No longer working with the boys, Bubbles takes up model trains as a hobby."],"Transcript":["J-Roc: What's crackin', y'all. Let me be the first to officially welcome y'all ma-fuckers to my brand new joint. Scrilla Villa. A-ight y'all, check it out. Let me explain something to you, you know what I'm saying. Me and T had to get things set up, you know what I'm saying. With the babies on the way, with the family, you know what I mean. So we had to start working. That's when I realized that the airport has some unique job opportunities, dawg.","Tyrone: That's right. We had to seize the mother fucker.","J-Roc: Carpe dizum, you know what I'm saying? That's why we started gankin' luggage. This is all the sh1t we ganked from overseas, you know what I'm saying. It's all from Europe. It's tight. Ma-fuckers come back with some crazy ass sh1t, dawg. You want a box for your bling? Ten ma-fuckers. It's tight, cheap and dope. I'm out. And this here room's what I call liquors of the world, dawg. You know what I'm saying? Look at all the sh1t the ma-fuckers bring back. It's your passport to getting drunk. Glug, glug. [making guitar noises] Real snake. What?! I'm saying. We so busy now, you know what I mean, I even had to hire employees. That's Lucy right there, you know what I mean. Lucy, one of my employees. That little ma-fucker ain't though. I ain't paying for that ma-fucker.","Lucy: I had to go back to work when I found out that I was pregnant. I knew that Ricky was never going to get his sh1t together and I'm going to be taking care of this baby on my own, so this seems like an honest gig.","J-Roc: Lucy, you ready to do this family portrait?","Lucy: Yeah, yeah. I just gotta figure out this, how it works.","J-Roc: Like to introduce my family dawg. I ain't saying they both mine, I ain't saying they ain't. Who knows about my ancestry, you know what I mean. But me and T decided we too close to go through all that DNA bullish, so we just going to be co-daddies to these two little pimps right here.","Lucy: Smile.","[camera clicks]","[music]","Bubbles: Hey Ray.","Ah, for f*ck's sakes.","Ray: What's up man?","Bubbles: What's going on?","Ray: Hey bud, how are you doing?","Bubbles: You gotta come see it. I got it set up. Is it ever decent.","Ray: Oh yeah?","Bubbles: Check it out, you head up on the deck.","Ray: Alright.","Bubbles: Alright. Look at that. Look at the detail.","Ray: Awesome buddy.","Bubbles: Eh? This is awesome!","Ray: So what's going on with you and Rick and Julian. You guys cool or what?","Bubbles: Yeah, we're cool. I'm just not hanging out with them anymore, ever since Ricky almost froze me to death. You know, I have a hobby now and that's what I'm going to do from now on. My hobby is trains and just like your hobby's drinking.","Ray: It's drinking buddy. Hey, Shitty! There's Shitty bud. Shitty!","Shitty: Hey boys.","Ray: Hey Shitty.","Bubbles: Hey Shitty. How you doing? There's a load there so get her loaded up.","Ricky: Hey Shitty. Bubbs, how's it going buddy?","Bubbles: Oh not bad Ricky. At least I'm not freezing to death.","Ricky: I'm sorry about that. Look, I really need to talk to you. And Dad, can I talk to you too about some pretty serious stuff.","Ray: Of course buddy, what's up?","Ricky: Let's get away from Shitty. It's pretty private. What the hell is all this sh1t. What are you guys doing?","Bubbles: Nothing Ricky. Nothing you'd be interested in.","Ricky: I know what's going on. Better not f*ck with any of my stuff Shitty, just leave it where it's at.","Ricky: Is there any way that Lucy could have gotten pregnant without my bird doing stuff to her?","Ray: [laughs] You're joking right Rick?","Ricky: No actually, I'm pretty serious Dad.","Ray: f*ck, um.","Ricky: But there must be another way. I mean, we have done some stuff but, me and Lucy haven't banged in seven months and she's six months pregnant so, does that work out?","Ray: Bubbles, answer that. I gotta rock a piss off bud.","Bubbles: Ray? Look Ricky, just think of this train engine as Lucy right. If you put fuel into it, it'll go. But if you don't, it doesn't.","Ricky: So you're saying that, what?","Bubbles: Ricky, a train will only go if there's fuel in it right. So if it wasn't your nozzle that was putting fuel into Lucy, someone else's nozzle must have been. You know?","Ricky: You sure?","Bubbles: Yeah.","Randy: So let me get this straight? Mr. Lahey gets one night off and you guys don't even include me?","Barb Lahey: Well, maybe if you weren't so high all the time Randy.","Randy: [grunting] Oh, moose balls!","Barb Lahey: [laughs]","Randy: My pants!","Barb Lahey: [laughs]","Randy: It's not funny Barb.","Jim Lahey: Randy.","Randy: [yelling and banging]","Barb Lahey: Randy!","Randy: My best pants.","Jim Lahey: Randy?!","Randy: This is friggin [banging]","Barb Lahey: Randy!","[Gentle music]","Julian: Hey. I heard about Lucy man. I'm sorry man, that sucks. You okay?","Ricky: Yup. Check it out Julian. The rankins are getting a lot bigger, huh?","Julian: Yeah, he's cute. So, are you coming to the airport with me or not? Cause I gotta get going.","Ricky: No, I'm not working for J-Roc man. It's against my vice principles.","I'm a dope dealer. I'm not going to steal luggage. I understand if you want to I guess, but I'm not.","Julian: I've got no choice man, I have to. Trailer's re-mortgaged. If I don't come up with a payment, I'm going to lose it. Two hundred and forty-five dollars. Where the f*ck am I going to come up with that kind of money? Anyway, I gotta get going, but listen to me, you are handling this well okay. So keep it up, don't do anything crazy alright.","Ricky: I'm good.","Julian: Alright. We'll get drunk when I get back or something.","Ricky: What's going on here? Big black Cadillac. J-Roc? Lucy is f*cking banging J-Roc? I can't believe it. J-Roc borned my baby. f*ck!","[sound of airplane]","Police Officer George: We good to go?","Police Officer Ted: Yeah.","Police Officer George: Focus.","Police Officer Ted: Yeah, the focus is fine.","Police Officer George: Alright, just a waiting game now. Oh yeah, look at that.","Hey look, check it out. Jamie, Tyler and the rest of the gang. Think they might be, oh I don't know, stealing luggage.","Police Officer Ted: You think Jamie's smart enough to master mind that? No, I don't know about that. But, Julian sure as hell is.","[car brakes squealing]","Police Officer George: This is going to get interesting.","J-Roc: All luggage look the same nowadays, you know what I mean?","Give me a kiss mother-fucker.","J-Roc: Bye Suzanne, lovely to see you.","Ricky: Wait right there Lucy!","J-Roc: Suzanne, you go to the car. A- ight Suzanne, I'll see you in a minute.","Ricky: Lucy, wait right there. I need to talk to you.","J-Roc: Suzanne, go to the car. Suzanne.","Ricky: What the f*ck!? You banged Lucy and gave her a baby?","J-Roc: I never banged Lucy, dawg, or Suzanne, what I'm saying. I tried to hit her a couple of times you know what I'm saying, but she wasn't feeling me dawg. T tried too. But we didn't.","Ricky: Oh, so it's f*cking T. What's the deal man, you got nothing better to do. Couldn't help yourself, take a little something something from Lucy?","Tyrone: I didn't do nothing man. Relax yourself man. You know the rule, bros before hos man. Come on, Ricky, you know that sh1t man.","Julian: Would you calm down?","Ricky: I got a question. Why the f*ck were you kissing her then?","J-Roc: I got a question too. Can I ask you somethin'?! Would you calm down mother- fucker?","Ricky: I just want to know why you were kissing her. I wasn't kissing her, we was actin'. Saying?","Ricky: Actin?","J-Roc: We was just actin'. Me and Lucy was pretending to be married cause we taking luggage and we don't want fuckers to find out dawg.","Julian: We're trying to work here. Alright. Go home, we'll deal with this later back at the park. Not here.","J-Roc: That's right. Know what I'm saying.","Ricky: Fine then guys. Let the little luggage bandits do their little thing here.","J-Roc: There ain't no luggage bandits here.","Ricky: I'm going to f*cking find out who banged Lucy and gave her a baby. I am.","J-Roc: It wasn't me. There ain't no luggage bandits here.","Ricky: I'm going to find out. I'll tell you that J-Roc.","Jim Lahey: God-damn, George and Ted are making me pull their shift at the liquor store today.","Barb Lahey: Oh Jim, you promised.","Jim Lahey: What can I do Barb?","Barb Lahey: Oh, we are going to get so far behind at line dancing. How are, oh. Oh, never mind. Maybe we can do a little bit of horizontal line dancing at home, eh?","[laughter]","[Banging at door]","Barb Lahey: Oh hang on.","Ha?","Jim Lahey: What's that?","Barb Lahey: I don't know. Barb, ever since I seen you, you are the sun that lights up my world.","Jim Lahey: Sounds like Randy when he's high.","Barb Lahey: Yeah, when isn't he high?","Jim Lahey: Barb, I think you should lighten up on Randy. At least he's trying. You gotta admit, it's pretty special for him to send you those.","Ray: Alright buddy, think about what I said. Come over for supper tonight bud. Newfoundland steak and mashed potatoes buddy, whaddya think?","Bubbles: Oh, count me in Ray. I'd love some. Is that my Model Train Magazine?","Ray: Yeah, f*cking right buddy.","Bubbles: Can I have it?","Ray: Wait a sec, hold it. Got a problem. Need a boost buddy. Car won't start.","Bubbles: Well, I can't boost it. Give me my magazine.","Ray: Bubbles, work before play. That's exactly what I taught Ricky. We gotta figure out this problem before we do anything. I need a boost, go get me your lawn mower or something.","Bubbles: Just let me get this straight, you're holding my magazine ransom? Til I give you a boost. I got nothing I can boost you with.","Ray: I'm not holding this ransom, I'm saying we gotta do work before we do pleasure. That's the way it always is in life Bubbs.","Bubbles: Well, what am I going to boost it with? All I got is a go cart.","Ray: Your lawn mower. Get your lawn mower.","Bubbles: Ray, you know how jumping the things starts. You hook two of the pinchers to your battery and two of the pinchers to another battery, and if I don't have a battery then there's nothing to hook it too. Now give me my magazine!","Ray: If I had to do this myself, I wouldn't have even asked you. I need you help, I'm asking for your help.","Bubbles: There's nowhere to hook it!","Ray: I've got your magazine.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Ricky: Lucy! Where the f*ck are ya? I need to talk to you.","Sarah: Ricky? Ricky, what are you doing?","Ricky: I want to find out who brought this baby by Lucy. Is what I'm f*cking doing, until these idiots got in my god damned way.","Sarah: Ricky!","Ricky: Lucy, where is you at?","Sarah: What the f*ck are you doing? Are you guys okay? f*ck. You can't just come in here and push people over and eat my f*cking bread Ricky.","Ricky: Well, Lucy had a baby borned by somebody. I'd like to find out who the f*ck it is. Where is she?","Bubbles: Alright Benjamin Franklin. You should me where to hook this.","Ray: You see the red thing in your hand there Bubbles, that goes Julian: Guys, guys, guys.","[everyone talking at once]","Julian: Where's Ricky at?","Ray: I don't know where Ricky is. I haven't seen him all day.","Just, put that on the red thing. Red on red.","Julian: What are you trying to do? You can't boost a car with a go cart Ray. Come on, get in there, I'll give you a boost.","Ray: I can do it. You could've done it.","Bubbles: Give me my magazine.","Ray: You could have done it Bubbles, you just didn't try.","Julian: Oh Ray, number one, you got a loose terminal here bud. That's not going to do anything.","Bubbles: Decent! Julian, check this out. Look. 10th Annual Bangor International Model Train Convention. Look who's hosting. Sebastian Bach, Skid Row. My god, trains from all over the world. This year featuring the Swayze Express.","Julian: Swayze Express? Patrick Swayze.","Bubbles: Julian's always been really sensitive about the whole Patrick Swayze thing because when we were kids in school, the other kids used to tease him and call him Patrick Swayze but Julian was really into Dirty Dancing. I remember one time me and Ricky were coming over to get Julian to go ride bikes and we walked in the trailer and Julian was dressed up like him, pretending he was in the movie Dirty Dancing. Ricky told everyone in school and then from then on they teased him, Patrick Swayze.","Julian: Are you f*cking with me here Bubbs, cause it's not funny man.","Bubbles: No Julian, not that Patrick Swayze, not the actor, Patrick Swayze. That's a different one.","Ricky: f*ck!","Ray: Finally someone who knows what the f*ck they're doing.","Ricky: Julian, where the f*ck is Lucy?","Julian: How should I know?","Ricky: You're a cole-worker.","Julian: Actually, I quit Ricky. Last I saw, she was heading back home.","Ricky: Here she comes right now.","Julian: Don't do anything stupid Ricky.","Ricky: Why the f*ck not Julian.","Ray: Ricky, I need a boost. Give me a boost buddy.","Ricky: Dad, I don't got time for boosts right now. Lucy's banging J-Roc. I gotta go deal with this right now.","Ray: Ricky, I need a f*cking boost! And I need it now! Alright. Bubbles, get this f*cking go cart out of my way. Julian, get that black piece of sh1t out of here and down the road. I don't ever want to see it around my car again. Ricky, I want you to bring your car from there to here, hook up those cables to your car, get me the f*ck started so I can get out of here, okay?","Ricky: Alright. Does anyone know how the f*ck these things go on.","Bubbles: Yes, I know how they work!","Ray: You don't know how they work. That's what started this problem Bubbles. You don't know how they work. You said you did Bubbles: I do Ray!","Ray: but you don't! You couldn't even hook them up to your go cart Bubbles.","Bubbles: I'm not getting involved Ray: I don't want to argue about this anymore.","Julian: Red on positive, black on negative.","Ray: I just want to get home. Cook supper for me and Bubbles, you're still coming over for supper, aren't ya?","Bubbles: Yes! I'm coming for supper.","Ray: Alright, mashed potatoes and Newfoundland steak.","Lucy: The navy is really good. I actually can't see your underwear for once.","Sarah: Yeah, they look really good Randy. They are a big improvement.","Randy: They're so comfortable. My other ones were so tight.","Sarah: Yeah, they're only one size bigger too. Randy!","Randy: Sorry, Sarah.","Ricky: Lucy, get the f*ck out here. Tell me what's going on. Nice pants Randy. You still look f*cking stupid. Lucy, I'm serious - get out here and talk to me.","Randy: Why don't you just calm down Ricky.","Ricky: f*ck off, what do you want? Who is it Luce? That stupid f*cking idiot, dumbi-cop George Green? Cause it can't be me Lucy, I checked.","Lucy: Okay, you know what Ricky. Don't be stupid.","Ricky: You look me right in the eyes, right now. Tell me I'm the father of the yet to be unborn baby.","Lucy: Okay, you're getting way Ricky: See, you can't. You can't do it.","Lucy: We can't talk about this right now. You have to chill the f*ck out. Alright, I'll talk to you later.","Ricky: Lucy! Lucy!","Police Officer George: What a shame. Another baby that's going to be born in jail.","Police Officer Ted: You tagged her at the Cheeseburger Picnic didn't you George?","Police Officer George: It was one time Ted. I was drunk and high, doesn't count.","Ricky: Yeah, yeah. You think you're so f*cking tough, smoking that big mall dope eh?","Randy: It's good dope.","Ricky: Nice new pants. Good price? How's got the best dope in town?","Randy: You do Ricky. You get to the best frigging dope. But you charge too much.","Lucy: Oh Ricky, leave him f*cking alone.","Ricky: I'm going to spit on you right now Randy.","Randy: Don't you dare spit on my pants Ricky.","Ricky: f*cking stupid those pants are. [spitting]","Randy: How dare you! [spitting]","Ricky: You just f*cking spit on me!","Randy: Good! Good, yeah.","Ricky: I'm going to wipe it all over your body.","Police Officer George: Well, we got all the evidence we need. We also have four hours of paperwork now, so I don't think we're doing Chippendale's tonight.","Police Officer Ted: I'm not going to miss that.","Police Officer George: Actually, we have someone who can do all that. He's working at the LC right now.","Police Officer Ted: Right.","Lucy: Ricky, leave Randy alone.","Randy: Ow!","Ricky: Lucy, I will make you have a uternity test if I have to. Just tell me who it was, please.","Lucy: No, I can't tell you. Come on. Are you alright bud.","Ricky: Randy, I'm sorry man. I'm just really stressed out. Are you alright?","Randy: Yeah, I'm okay Ricky.","Ricky: Get the f*ck out of here. Lucy, will you please just tell me.","Lucy: Fine, I can't take this anymore. Do you remember the second weekend that you and your father spent in the drunk tank?","[Gentle music]","Lucy: Well, I had a moment of weakness.","Come on, it just happened one time, I swear. Okay. I'm really sorry.","Ricky: Lucy, Who did you bang the weekend me and my dad went to the drunk tank? The second time? Tell me who it was.","Lucy: Okay, it was Randy. There I said it.","Ricky: Randy?","Lucy: I banged Randy.","Randy: It's true. We made love a couple of times that Saturday night.","Ricky: You're the father of my baby? Oh my f*ck!","Jim Lahey: No thanks, don't drink.","Sam: Jim? I hardly recognize you. You're sober.","Jim Lahey: Very funny Sam. Can I see some I.D. please?","Sam: I.D., what are you crazy? I'm f*cking 49, get the f*ck out of Jim Lahey: Newsflash shit-glasses, you're going back to your cave.","Sam: Oh, I see what's going on here. It's because I used to date Barb, isn't it? I don't deserve this man, it's not fair.","Jim Lahey: Life's not fair same. This is real time, not cave time.","Sam: Hang on, hang on, I've got to give the kids back their money.","Jim Lahey: Move it Sam. You got a shower in this rig.","Sam: Of course I do. It's just not working.","Jim Lahey: Surprise, surprise. Why don't you scuffle off to your antediluvian world, find some water and hose yourself down?","Sam: Don't think I haven't noticed those sly cave man references, Lahey.","George: Hey Jim, how's the liquor store treating you these days bud.","Jim Lahey: Good George, good.","Ted: Had any relapses?","Jim Lahey: How the mighty have fallen.","Ted: What's that supposed to mean?","Jim Lahey: Birds of a sh1t feather, Ted.","George: Well, speaking of sh1t Jim, we need you to file the paperwork on this warrant. For your friends down at the trailer park.","Jim Lahey: George, I'm pulling a double shift now. If I have to do this, I'll be up til four a.m.","George: Well, we're going to be up until 4 in the morning too Jim.","Ted: Getting drunk, doing security for the Chippendale's.","George: Get it done.","Jim Lahey: f*ck!","Barb Lahey: So what do you want to talk about Randy. Or do you need to be high first?","Randy: Barb, there's no real easy way of saying this. I frigged up.","Barb Lahey: What are you talking about?","Randy: Basically I banged Lucy and knocked her up. No big deal.","Barb Lahey: Oh my god. That was you? Oh, greasy. Do you know the whole park is talking about that.","Jim Lahey: You cheated on me Randy? You cheated on us? You cheated on us.","Randy: Well, Mr. Lahey. I want to make this work. If we stay together, we can help Lucy raise our baby.","Barb Lahey: Our baby. No, I don't think so Randy. That'd be your baby.","Randy: Oh cinnamon cocks.","Jim Lahey: Randy, it pains me to say this, but I think it would be better if you moved on alone.","Barb Lahey: And now that we've established that, I'd like you out of this trailer, now.","Randy: You don't expect me to go live in the supervisor trailer with Ray do you?","Barb Lahey: No, I don't expect you to go live there Randy, because you're fired.","Randy: What? What am I going to do?","Barb Lahey: Well, you could go back to mowing lawns. I mean, they don't mind you doing that when you're stoned.","Jim Lahey: Barb.","Barb Lahey: Jim?","Jim Lahey: Randy.","Randy: Mr. Lahey.","Barb Lahey: Jim! So that's a hundred and seventy six ninety-two. Now would you like me to give it to you or should I give it direct to your drug dealer?","Jim Lahey: Barb.","Randy: Look, you guys have a good time frig dancing. And Barb, your scalloped potatoes are f*cked.","Jim Lahey: They're fantastic Barb.","Ray: I'm not knocking Shitty buddy. But he's just a middle man. You should be making twice as much money.","Bubbles: Well I know Ray, but Shitty drives a hard bargain.","Ricky: Hey boys. Whoo. Hey boys. I plan on having a few drinks tonight. You guys want to get drunk with me?","Julian: Bubbs.","Bubbles: Ricky.","Ricky: Hey buddy. f*ck, Lucy's baby is not going to be mine, cause she's being borned by Randy Dad.","Ray: I know.","Ricky: Love you buddy. Drinks tonight?","Ray: Okay buddy.","Ricky: f*ck, I almost forgot. I almost forgot. I sold some dope down at the bowling alley man. Don't tell anybody, alright. I got that for your mortgage payment.","Julian: Ricky, I can't take this.","Bubbles: Oh, he's down. He's down.","Ricky: Dad, I love you buddy. Oh, I'm getting drunk tonight, I tell ya.","[music]"],"Show Title":"Trailer Park Boys","Episode Number":"07x02","Episode Title":"I Banged Lucy and Knocked Her Up... No Big Deal","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"True_Blood_01x11.json","Recap":["As part of the vampire ritual, Bill buries Jessica's body in the ground, waiting for her to turn. After being attacked at Merlotte's, Sookie once again has Sam stay with her for protection and the two start growing much closer in Bill's absence. Jason helps Amy clean up the mess Eddie's death left behind and demands that she get rid of every drop of V-juice in the house. The next morning, Sookie searches for the young woman she saw in her vision. With Sam's help, Sookie tracks the woman (named Cindy) down to a pie store. They learn from one of the patrons that Cindy was a fangbanger and that her brother, Drew Marshall, disappeared shortly after her death under suspicious circumstances. Jason confides in Rene and Hoyt about Amy's V-juice habit. Sam and Sookie persuade a difficult police officer to give them information on Drew Marshall, and he promises to fax a photo through to the Bon Temps police station. After seeing his state senator friend on television campaigning against vampire and homosexual rights, Lafayette confronts him about his lies. Amy cooks Jason a nice meal and the two make up. On the way home, Sookie confides in Sam that she thinks she is in love with Bill, but expresses doubt over his loyalties to his fellow vampires. Jason and Amy decide to do V together one last time and while they are passed out, the killer sneaks into their bedroom and strangles Amy to death. Meanwhile, Jessica awakens and crawls out of the ground. Bill tries to impart his wisdom about being vampire, but she turns out to be a disobedient, overly-excited pain in the neck. Lettie Mae refuses to bail Tara out of prison because she is a danger to her soul. They leave on bad terms. Jason wakes up to find Amy dead and calls the police. Bill, needing to get back to Sookie, leaves Jessica with Eric. Tara is bailed out of prison by a woman named Maryann Forrester, who takes Tara into her lavish home. At Sookie's house, Sookie and Sam wind up sharing a kiss just as Bill walks in and attacks Sam. Seeing Bill's vicious side, Sookie rescinds his invitation into her house and slams the door on him. Jason is taken into police custody, saying he doesn't want anyone else to get hurt. A gossipy and distracted secretary is on the phone, and doesn't notice the fax of Drew Marshall's photo before burying it under a pile of paperwork, not before revealing the photo to the audience who discover that Rene is the killer."],"Transcript":["Scene 1: In the woods - Bill, Pam, Jessica","Bill is hollowing out a dig in the ground. Jessica is unconscious. Pam is looking at Jessica and playing with her dress.","Bill: Would you leave her alone?","Pam: It's your own fault. You and your insane affection for stupid cattle.","Bill: Just go away.","Pam: I wouldn't have to be here if the Magister could trust you.","Bill: I fulfilled the conditions of my sentence. I murdered this innocent girl.","Pam: There was no murder. You drained her blood and gave her yours.","Bill: I've proven my loyalty.","Pam sits on a trunk.","Pam: Yes. But you're romantic, you're sentimental. You just might do something to keep the little bloodbag from joining our ranks. I'll follow my orders. I won't let you stake her before she goes to ground.","Bill: I'm not gonna stake her, I'm gonna set her free.","Pam: You've already set her free. The same as Eric freed me.","Bill: Everyone she's ever known will recoil from her. Everything she's ever loved has been stolen from her.","Pam: Oh, please, there's no comparison. You've given that pathetic lump a temporary flesh...","Bill: Jessica.","Pam: ... the ultimate gift. You're a maker. You're a hero.","Bill: I find myself doubting whether you were ever truly human.","Pam: Thank you.","She pushes with her foot Jessica in the whole.","Bill: D*** you.","Bill goes in and lay Jessica.","Pam: Once she's planted in the earth, the transformation will begin.","Bill: I know.","Pam: I'll tuck you in. (He lays near Jessica) Tomorrow night your little girl will rise a vampire.","Credit","Scene 2: Sookie's house - Sam, Sookie","Sam is in Sookie's saloon. He tries to call Tara.","Tara voice: This is Tara. Leave a message. Easy stuff.","Sam: Hey, Tara, where you at? At least let me know you're not drunk in a ditch somewhere. I'm sorry I take it back. Just call, okay?","Sookie arrives.","Sam: Hey.","Sookie: I had to put those clothes on the wash. It felt like the killer was all over me. Watching me, hating me itching for a knife or a rope or my neck.","Sam: You didn't get any sense of who it was?","Sookie: No, just pictures. His thoughts were all red and black and snarly. But there was something familiar.","Sam: Like somebody from Bon Temps? Or somebody from the bar?","Sookie: No one I could recognize for sure.","Sam: Look, I think we should call the police.","Sookie: And what would I say? \"Sheriff Dearborne, Andy Bellefleur, I saw a woman die. I just had to be in somebody else's brain at the time\"?","Sam: Did you get a good look at her? I mean, what was she like?","Sookie: Young, pretty with an apron.","Sam: Apron. You mean like a mom?","Sookie: More like a waitress. Was there a nametag? Maybe.","Sam: Yeah.","They sit on the couch.","Sam: What did it say?","Sookie: I don't know. I was looking at her eyes. She was so surprised.","Sam: Well, do you wanna call Bill? I mean, that might make you feel better.","Sookie: No. he would've felt how scared I was.he would've known I was in danger. If he didn't show up tonight he's not coming back.","Sam: Hey.","Sookie: You hear from Tara?","Sam: No.","Sookie: Well, good night.","Sam: Night.","She leaves. He charges the shotgun.","Scene 3: On the road of the accident - Kenya, Tara","Kenya: A woman. At 2 in the morning.","Tara: Standing there naked, f****** with my head.","Kenya: And she was with a pig?","Tara: A big pig. Like, you, know, like a crazy-ass motherf****** Bunyan pig.","Kenya: Tara, tell me the truth.","Tara: That is the truth. Kenya, I'm an excellent driver but you can't prepare a naked lady and a hog in the middle of the road. Now, you know that.","Kenya: I know you drunk, that's what I know.","Tara: Drunk? I'm not drunk. One beer.","Kenya: Coming from Arlene's party with an open bottle.","Tara: What bottle?","Kenya: The one busted in your car.","Tara: That's not my bottle.","Kenya: Then you wouldn't mind a sobriety test.","Tara: Hell, no. Bring it.","Kenya: Step away from the vehicle. Stand with your feet together. Stand with one foot in front holding the other one 6 inches off the ground, parallel to the ground.","Tara: Let's try that again.","Kenya: What is the matter with you? You know, you turning into Letti Mae.","Tara: F*** you.","Kenya: I am a sheriff's deputy now. Tara Thronton, don't you go there with me.","Tara: Kenya, sister, the only place I wanna go is home.","Kenya: Well, sorry, not tonight.","Tara: No. It' not fair. It's not my fault.","Kenya: I will cuff you.","Tara: But the lady and the pig, that was real.","Kenya: Yeah. Just watch your intoxicated head, please.","Scene 4: Jason's basement - Jason, Amy","Jason is in the basement. There are only blood and clothes left from Eddie. Amy arrives.","Jason: Jesus f****** Christ. S***. F***. Amy, what did you do?","Amy: I did what we had to do. Now, come on, wipe up. Here's a towel. There's more rags. Come on.","Jason: Who the f*** are you?","Amy: How can you say that to me? You know who I am. You know better than anybody.","Jason: I thought I knew. I told you to let him go.","Amy: Well, I told you not to talk to him. He was controlling your mind.","Jason: B*******.","Amy: Yes.","Jason: No, not Eddie. He didn't know how to do that yet. He trusted me. It was gonna be all right.","Amy: God, it was never gonna be all right. From the minute we took him you knew it'd end like this. You just couldn't face it.","Jason: I didn't think it would f****** end like this.","Amy: You wanted his blood, bad. You were with me the whole way, so don't act like this is all my falt. Now, I said to clean up, so clean up.","Jason: Yankee b****.","Amy: D*** f****** hillbilly.","They begin to clean.","Jason: God.","Jason throws out. Amy goes and seats near him.","Amy: Listen. It's okay. It's gonna be all right. We just gotta keep our sh1t together.","Jason: We killed a man.","Amy: No.","Jason: Yeah.","Amy: For the last time, he was already dead. He was not a man. He was a predator, only we got him first. So don't do this, okay? Don't let a vampire come between us.","Jason: No. I guess not.","Amy: Because what we have, Jason, it's beautiful.","Jason: Yeah. Yeah.","Scene 5: Sookie's kitchen - Sookie, Sam","Sookie is reading the Yellow Pages when Sam comes.","Sam: Good morning. I didn't know you were up.","Sookie: Eggs and sausage, warm in the oven.","Sam: Oh, thanks. You already eat?","Sookie: Too busy. Tara call?","Sam: Not yet. Probably still sleeping it off.","Sookie: I'll tell you what, I an sick and tired of waiting around to get strangled.","Sam: That's not gonna happen while I'm here.","Sookie: You can't spend 24 hours a day with me for the rest of my life.","Sam: Sure I can.","Sookie: I wanna find that guy before he finds me again.","Sam: So you're looking up killers in the yellow pages?","Sookie: No. I remembered. In my sleep, I remembered.","Sam: What?","Sookie: The girl I say. Her clothes, the apron, it was a uniform. She was a waitress and there was a tag. Her name was Cindy. And the restaurant name was something about pies. Party Pies or Patty Pies.","Sam: Wait, you mean Big Patty's Pie House?","Sookie: Yes.","Sam: Well, yeah, I know Big Patty's. it's off I-49, a way south, near Bunkie.","Sookie: You don't have to come with me.","Sam: Yeah, I do. Come on, eat up, you need your fuel.","Sookie: I'm not hungry.","Sam: Don't sass me.","Sookie: You're not the boss of me. Oh, right, you are.","Sam: Yeah.","They eat.","Scene 6: Jason's kitchen - Jason, Amy","Amy: Hey, you. Going to work? Yeah, me too in a second. Look I wanted to say I'm really sorry.","He puts the bottle of V in a garbage bag and throws them it on the ground.","Jason: We are done with this sh1t, do you hear me? Done. I want every drop out of my house. And if you don't like it, you can pack your goddamn bags and go.","He leaves.","Amy: Love you.","Scene 7: Merlotte's - Lafayette, Terry","Tv animator: We caught up with Senator David Finch Speaking to the Marthaville Order of Visionary Southern Gentlemen as he embarks on his campaign for the U.S. House of Representatives. The MOVSG has announced that they are...","Lafayette: He has what? He didn't tell me that.","He turns up the sound.","Senator at the TV: Equal rights for vampires? I don't think so. Many of them are foreign immigrants.","Lafayette: What the f***?","Senator: Taking our jobs and our women. And their very blood turns our children into addicts, drug dealers and homosexuals. No vampire and none of these vampire-loving deviants deserve any rights at all.","Lafayette: You's a lying-ass motherf***. Two-faced son of a b****.","Tv: ... managed his family's hardware store.","Lafayette to Terry: Did you hear what he just said?","Terry: I can't listen to politicians. I get a seizure.","Tv animator: Senator Finch will be shaking hands tonight at the Remington Hotel in Monroe. And offering...","Lafayette: That's good to know.","Terry: Can we put it on my home-d\u00e9cor program?","Amy arrives.","Tv animator: Senator Finch has increased the intensity...","Terry changes the tv program.","Tv: But look. Just by adding shelves. This is just plain plywood...","Lafayette (to Amy): Oh, darling, you looking a little used up. Jason dragging you into his bullshit?","Amy: I have no idea what you mean.","She leaves.","Tv: Right inside.","Lafayette: Terry?","Terry: Yeah.","Lafayette: Why is everybody telling me lies today?","Terry: I got no idea. Look at that, Lafayette, theme shelves.","Lafayette: Oh, that's pretty, baby. Would you work for me tonight?","Scene 8: Big Patty's - Sookie, Sam, Harley, Buster","Harley (Waitress): No ma'am, no, sir. I don't know any Cindy. But I can recommend the fried apple pie, the froze Hawaiian pie, the chocolate pecan praline pie, the chess pie, the seven-layer Jell-O pie.","A client: They'll have the peanut butter pie and the Spunky Hollow honey pineapple pie. Please, Harley.","Harley: Gotcha, Buster.","Sam: We will?","Buster: You won't get nothing from her. She's only been here two weeks. Comes from three generations of dumb as rocks. Hell, they named her after a motorcycle.","Sookie: That's real interesting, but...","Buster: If you wanna know anything about Cindy Marshall, I'll talk to you. And I'll eat that pie too. Buster Boisseau.","Sookie: Sookie Stackhouse, Sam Merlotte.","Hartley brings the pies and Sam and Sookie seat at the bar.","Sam: Yeah. Can you tell us...?","Buster: First thing first. (He eats)","Sookie: You knew Cindy?","Buster: A little bit. Let's see, I met her two years ago. She moved into town with her brother a couple of months before...","Sam: Before what?","Buster: Well, I hate to be the one to tell you, but somebody murdered that little gal. Just choked the life right out of her.","Sookie: Poor thing. Did they find out who did it?","Buster: Nope. It's a mystery.","Sookie: Where's her brother? Could we talk to him?","Buster: Don't know how. He was gone by the time they found her body. The police thought maybe he's dead too or maybe he killed her. But there wasn't no evidence one way or the other.","Sam: What was his name?","Buster: Let me think on that. Nobody hardly knew him. Let's see, D something. Dave. Drew. No, Drew. Drew Marshall.","Sookie: What was Cindy like?","Buster: Oh, cute as a button, a little wild, fun-loving, always nice to me. But people talked, you know.","Sookie: Talked about what?","Buster: Vampires. They say she was carrying on with the vampires. I didn't believe her. I mean, what kind of woman would do such a thing? Harley, this is the Texas Special Sawdust pie. Nobody ordered that.","Sam (to Sookie): Well, it's not much.","Sookie: We got a name.","Scene 9: The police station - Tara, Kenya","Tara talks to her mom on the phone and Kenya is looking at her.","Tara: Mama, please don't cry. It was only a little accident and I didn't get hurt much. Well, no, I wasn't drunk, but they think I was. Mama, quit yelling. All I need is bail money and a ride home. There's no reason to cry.","Scene 10: On the road - Jason, Rene, Hoyt","Jason: What do you mean, no? Y'all pussies? Let's go pound some beers.","Hoyt: Can't. Mama's night blind and I gotta take her to a baby shower in Shreveport.","Jason: Night blind, my a**. She's got these apron strings wrapped around your throat, boy. Cut her loose. Come party with the menfolk.","Hoyt: I wanna go, Jay.","Rene: What you gonna do at a little baby shower?","Hoyt: The food's good, the games are fun. You know, like Pass the Orange? And if the ladies start screaming like they always do, I'll just go for a little walk.","Jason: Well, that's just plain sad. (To Rene) It's you and me, brother. We'll play some pool, I'll buy you a po'boy.","Rene: Sorry. Me and Arlene, we got a date to dance.","Jason: Well, I'll come with you.","Rene: You won't. It's a date, I said. Me and my woman.","Jason: All right, fine. F*** it. I'll party on my own.","Hoyt: What do you want with us when you got Amy? God, she's good-looking.","Jason: Well, I'm gonna tell you something, but you can't say nothing to nobody. You got that? Amy likes V.","Hoyt: Vampire blood? No, I don't believe that.","Rene: It's not a joke?","Jason: Nope.","Hoyt: Then you gotta help her stop. That's it. Set her straight.","Jason: I'm trying, you know, but she's hooked or something. There's only so much I can do.","Hoyt: She sleeps with vampires too?","Jason: She says she never did. But these days, it's hard to find a woman who ain't been bit.","Hoyt: Do you love her?","Jason: Yeah, but I don't like this V s***. We had a terrible fight. She might be gone already, and if she's not, maybe I ought to dump her.","Hoyt: Man, don't do that. She's the kind that you keep.","Rene: Look you didn't even try to work it out yet. So tomorrow night, we go out, get drunk, pass a good time. We'll figure out what to do.","Jason: Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks.","Rene: Okay.","Hoyt: Hang in there, bro.","Jason: All right.","Rene: Okay. These things, they got a way of working out, you know?","Jason: I hope you're right.","Hoyt: All right. Night.","Jason: Night.","Rene and Hoyt leave.","Scene 11: Police station of Bunkie - Sam, Sookie, police officer","Sam: Hello?","Police officer: Hold your horses.","Officer thoughts: Can't call it adultery if a wife won't have s*x. At least Debbie's a Christian.","Sookie (to Sam): Give him a second. He doesn't think so quick.","Sam: Hello?","Officer: Yeah.","Sookie: Hello, officer. Sir. I'm sorry to bother you.","Officer: No bother. No bother at all. I was just...","Police radio, voice: Tom's coming up to that T.C. on Terra Ridge, about 5 miles out.","Officer: Are those vampires bites?","Sam: With all due respect, sir, that's none of your business.","Sookie: Sir, we're looking for information.","Officer: Yeah, well, that's what the library's for.","Sam: It's about Cindy Marshall's murder.","Officer: What about it?","Sam: Well, there have been murders like hers in Renard Parish. Bon Temps, to be exact. Hadn't you heard?","Officer: Can't say.","Sookie: She had a brother, Drew, I was told.","Officer: Could be.","Sookie: Do you have a picture of him?","Officer: What for? We don't know he did it. More likely a vampire.","Sookie: I don't mean to tell you your business but a vampire wouldn't kill by strangulation.","Officer: Well, I guess you'd know. Good riddance to white trash is all I got to say.","Sam: Buddy, you're out of line.","Sookie: He can say whatever he wants. It doesn't bother me a bit. Just hand me a picture of Drew Marshall and I'll go away quiet.","Officer: Well, that file's in storage. It's gonna take a while to get it, probably months.","Sam: Come on, Sookie, he's not gonna do s*** for us.","Sookie: Oh, I think he will. All right, then, we'll go to the library and I'll get your home address. Shouldn't be too hard to track down your wife.","Officer: My wife?","Sookie: So I can tell her you're sleeping with Debbie.","Sam: Yeah, Debbie.","Sookie: From church?","Officer: You... how did...?","Sookie: And the Vampire League of America will surely wanna know about your attitude.","Officer: Now, now, hold on a minute now. Hold on now. I can't just give you the photo. What I might do is fax it on down to the sheriff in Bon Temps.","Sam: Fast.","Officer: Yeah. Do my best.","Sookie: That's all we ask. Thank you so much for your cooperation.","Scene 12: Remington Hotel - Lafayette, Senator Finch, Lurlene","The senator shakes hands.","Senator: My pleasure.","A woman: Lurlene Butterman. You know, I cannot wait to vote for you.","Senator: Well, bless your heart, Lurlene. And you know, I cannot wait to represent your views in Congress. Thanks for coming by.","Lurlene: I would like to say...","Lafayette: Move ahead, young woman. The senator got many admirers.","Senator: Hello.","Lafayette: Hello. I am so happy and proud to shake the hand of someone with your values. Too often we're governed by criminals and hypocrites, don't you agree? But I can tell you're a man of virtues. And I applaud the effort you're making against the poor and disenfranchised especially the vampires and the gays.","Senator: Thank you. Next.","Lafayette: So many things can happen to bring down a fine personage such as yourself. You might wanna be careful, you hear?","Senator: Yes.","Man: Look at the camera.","Senator: No.","The man takes a picture of the senator and Lafayette then Lafayette leaves.","Senator: Thanks for coming by.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 13: Jason's - Jason, Amy","Jason arrives home and the table is set for two persons.","Amy: Did you have to work late? It doesn't matter. I just...","Jason: No.","Amy: No?","Jason: I didn't wanna come home.","Amy: Okay.","Jason: I was afraid you might have left.","Amy: No. No, this is where I wanna be. I wanna be with you.","Jason: But you can't stay if...","Amy: I did what you said. It was all my fault, Jason. I'm so, so sorry.","Jason: Did you make dinner for me?","Amy: I'd do anything for you.","Jason: Come here.","They hug.","Amy: I'll make it right.","Scene 14: In the woods - Bill, Jessica","Bill waits, seated to Jessica to come out from down the ground.","Jessica: Help me.","She screams.","Scene 15: In the car, on the way back to Bon Temps - Sam, Sookie","Sookie: Why's the say home always longer than the way there?","Sam: Now that'd be philosophy and I'm a simple guy.","Sookie: What a load of horse pucky. Simple is one thing that you are not.","Sam: I disagree. I may be a shape-shifter but I want what every man wants. You know? A good life, a good woman.","Sookie: Do you love Tara?","Sam: You know, I like her a lot and I care about her, for sure. I've been trying to love her, but she doesn't make it easy.","Sookie: Well, she can't help it. When you've never had much love...","Sam: Oh, I know. I know. Believe me, I know. But it's... it's not working. You know, we're friends, is all. I mean, I'm not so easy to love either.","Sookie: You're wrong.","Sam: I am? Do you love Bill?","Sookie: I think I do. But where is he? If vampire politics are more important to him than me... I don't know. I'm so mad at him, I could spit.","Sam: I can see where you would be.","Sookie: I'm sorry you're having do drive so far.","Sam: I don't mind. I love to ride in the car.","Sookie: Of course you do. Go on, hang your head out the window if you feel like it.","Sam: Okay, I appreciate that but it's a private pleasure.","Sookie: One day when all this is over, I'm gonna save up. We'll rent a convertible, we'll take it to the gulf. Lie on the beach, bake in the sun.","Sam: It's a date.","Sookie: Do you know any car songs?","Scene 16: Jason's - Jason, Amy","Jason: Damn, woman. Where'd you learn to cook like that?","Amy: From the maid. She was French. Hey, if I show you something you have to promise that you're not gonna get mad.","Jason: I'm never gonna get mad at you again, never ever.","Amy: Promise?","Jason: Yeah, I promise.","She shows him a vial of V.","Amy: I saved one drop.","Jason: Motherf*****!","Amy: Babe, please don't flip.","They go in their bedroom.","Amy: We both know that we're for real. We're gonna have a life together.","Jason: So, what are you doing with that? You're killing me. I can't trust you for a second.","Amy: You can trust me totally, for always, I swear. It's just that I want symmetry.","Jason: Now, what the f*** is that?","Amy: Balance, harmony, beauty.","Jason: Oh, for crying out loud.","Amy: Baby, this vial is our past. We started with V so we should end it with V. Like just closing a circle. So we can start a new circle, our new life together. I'm through with the blood. It's only a symbol. But the circle, I mean, that's what's important to me. Never mind. I'm gonna go by myself.","Jason: Well, I'm not gonna let you do that. But this is the last f****** time.","Amy: Last time. Cheers to our future, baby.","She drinks the V and they kiss.","Scene 17: In the woods - Jessica, Bill","Bill: You drank from me. Your blood was replaced with mine and then I shared my essence with you when we slept together in the ground. No, no, no, not intercourse.","Jessica: You just said \"intercourse\".","Bill: It's tradition, it's part of the process. It's magical. Even we don't fully understand how it works.","Jessica: Well all I know is, staying out all night like this, my daddy's gonna whup you good. Mister, you better get me home right now.","Bill: Jessica, stop.","Jessica: No.","Bill: Stop.","Jessica: Hey. Why?","Bill: Because we need to talk.","Jessica: Why?","Bill: There are things you must learn.","Jessica: Why?","Bill: Because you're no longer human.","Jessica: Why?","Bill: As I've been trying to explain to you at length, you have been made vampire.","Jessica: Why?","Bill: Because you were unlucky. Because life and death are unfair. Because of me. You cannot go home. That part of your life is over.","Jessica: No more Mama and Daddy? No more little sister?","Bill: I'm sorry. No.","Jessica: No more belts. No more clarinets. No more home school. No more rules. I'm a vampire. Waw.","Bill: No, no, no. There are rules. That's what I've been trying to teach you.","Jessica: Crap your rules. Crap, crap, crap. I can say anything I want now. S***, s***, s***, d***, hell, f***. Of, \"f***\", that's a bad one. F***, f***, f***. Oh, what's another cussword so I can say it? I'm an d*** vampire.","Bill: If you calm down, I will teach you what being a vampire means.","Jessica: I'm not stupid, I can read. I know what it means.","Bill: Very well, then, why don't you tell me?","Jessica: It means that I don't have to sit like a lady and I can kill anybody I want. And there's an awful lot of people I'd like to kill.","Bill: No, Jessica, you absolutely cannot kill anybody you want.","Jessica: But why? Why? I wanna kill them.","Bill: With your new powers come new responsibilities. You are gonna mainstream, like I do. You can live almost exactly the same life as you did before except you'll always be awake at night.","Jessica: I wanna kill people. And I'm so hungry. And all you do is talk and I'm starving and you're so mean. You're supposed to take care of me, that's what you said. You suck! That's funny because you do suck.","Bill: Here, drink this. It might make you feel more steady. I hope.","She takes the Tru Blood he gives her.","Jessica: Oh, it tastes like s***. Why are you doing this to me?","Bill: It's not bad. You'll get used to it. Try a little more.","Jessica: F***, no, and you can't force me. I'' report you.","Bill: Oh, really. To whom?","Jessica: I'll find a real vampire and he'll kick your ass. You won't let me do anything and I'm so hungry. You are the worst maker ever.","She cries.","Scene 18: At the police station - Tara, Kenya, Letti Mae","Tara is in jail.","Kenya: Tara, visitor.","Letti Mae enters.","Tara (happy): Mama.","Letti Mae: Oh, child.","Kenya: You're looking good, Letti Mae. Whatever you're doing, keep it up.","Letti Mae: Thank you, Kenya. That's sweet. Could you leave us alone for a minute?","Kenya: Oh, yes, ma'am.","Tara: What are you saying? (To Kenya who's closing the door) Hey. Hey. Hey, get back here and let me out. Who the f*** does she think she is? (To her mom) What took you so long?","Letti Mae: I called Mabel from the church and she came over to pray with me.","Tara: Pray? While I'm locked up waiting? That is bulls***. Y'all can pray after you post my bail.","Letti Mae: Honey, I'm not here to bail you out.","Tara: Mama, I'm tired. I hurt all over. I wanna go home. Don't play with me.","Letti Mae: I'm not playing.","Tara: Yes, you are. You gotta be.","Letti Mae: Seeing you like this, it breaks my heart. How many nights have I spent in this place? Crazy liquor, lost to myself and the Lord.","Tara: Not many, because I bailed you out.","Letti Mae: Well... maybe you shouldn't have.","Tara: What the f*** are you talking about?","Letti Mae: You can't go home. I'm not gonna let you. You're changing right in front of my eyes and I'm scared for both of us.","Tara: I don't believe this.","Letti Mae: I am committed to salvation and you're on the road to hell. I would save you if I could, baby. Nobody loves you more. But you're a danger to my soul and I can't have you in my house.","Tara: I'm the only reason you have a house. After all the times I cleaned you up. All the times you beat me and stole my money. Then sent me to school. Dirty. In dirty clothes. So people laughed at me and called me names. My whole life is s*** because of you.","Letti Mae: I know. I know. Don't tear me up like this. I feel so bad.","Tara: The first time I'm in trouble you turn your back on the one person who's always stood by you. And you call yourself a Christian.","Letti Mae: I'm finally doing right by you, Tara, like a mother should. You'll see that when the clouds roll away.","Tara: F*** you. You're not my mother. Get out of my sight, you evil b****.","Letti Mae: I love you.","Tara: No, you don't. you never did.","Scene 19: Jason's - Jason, Amy, the killer.","Jason and Amy are under V. they wake up (in their dream) and it's raining. They go outside and run.","Someone comes in Jason's house.","They continue running.","The killer in is their room. Jason and Amy are sleeping, holding hands.","In their dream, they kiss. The killer strangles Amy and she's flying away from Jason, in the air.","Jason wakes up.","Jason: Baby. Earthquake. Hey. Did you feel...? No. No. No. Please. Please, no. (He calls the 911)","Person at the phone: 911. What's your emergency?","Jason: Yeah. This is Jason Stackhouse.","Person: Oh, hey, Jason. It's Rosie.","Jason: You all better come out here.","Scene 20: Eric's office - Eric, Bill, Jessica","Eric: This is your punishment, not mine. What am I supposed to do with her?","Jessica: Excuse me. I can hear you, Mr. Rude. I wanna go to the bar. I wanna be one of those dancers. Oh, I'm hungry.","Bill: She won't listen to me. It'll take more time than I have to teach her obedience.","Jessica: I don't obey anybody. Those days are over.","Eric: You can't handle one little girl, Bill? Newborns can be like this. Man up, my friend. She's not even one night old.","Bill: That is not the issue.","Eric (to Jessica): Want to stay with your maker, don't you?","Jessica: No, he's a d***. D***, d***, d***. You're cute. Can I sit in your lap?","Eric: No.","Jessica: Why? Nobody lets me have any fun. F******.","Eric: Sit down and shut up. Close the door. (to Bill) You have to be tough with them or they'll walk all over you.","Bill: I am well aware of that, but you can see how she is. And there are urgent matters to which I must attend.","Eric: Sookie Stackhouse? Haven't you done enough for her?","Bill: If any harm were to come to her because of my absence, you would be...","Eric: What?","Bill: ... without her helpful skills.","Jessica: Let me out. I wanna do something bad.","Bill: I would be in your debt. I would return the favor.","Eric: Oh, yes, you will. You most definitely will. (To Jessica) Jessica.","Jessica: You don't have to yell at me.","Eric: How would you like to learn how a real vampire feeds?","Jessica: Oh, yes, sir. Please, sir.","Eric (to Bill): See? It's really quite easy.","Scene 21: Police station - Tara, Kenya, Woman (Maryann)","Kenya: Tara, wake up. This lady paid your bail. You're free to go. Straighten up. I don't wanna see you back in here again. (To the lady) My shift's over in five minutes. There's papers to sign on the way out. You know the drill.","Lady: Thank you, Kenya.","Kenya leaves.","Tara: Who are you? Why'd you pay my bail?","Lady: My name's Maryann. Forrester. And I'd like to help you, if you'll let me.","Tara: What are you, some kind of social worker?","Lady: Yeah, that's about right. Kenya knows me. I'm in and out of her all the time with people in your position.","Tara: My position.","Maryann: DUIs, minor assaults, public drunkenness. You know, those times when things go just a little too far. It can happen to anyone. Now, I expect you have your reasons?","Tara: Yeah. I got reasons.","Maryann: Well, I would be very happy to give you a ride home.","Tara: No, thanks.","Maryann: Well, they gave me your address. You can't walk there, it's too far.","Tara: I can... I got kicked out.","Maryann: You don't have anywhere to go? No family? No friends?","Tara: I don't want them to see me like this. It's okay. I'll think of something.","Maryann: Tara... I'm sure you've barely slept or eaten. Why don't you come to my home? Just till you get tings figured out.","Tara: I don't know, I...","Maryann: Oh, no, no, there's plenty of room. I do this all the time. It's sort of an informal halfway house.","Tara: Doesn't seem right.","Maryann: I know what you mean. But you can shower, you can wash your clothes. You can let me feed you. Then you can go on your way and my conscience will be clear.","Tara: You're not a Jesus person, are you?","Maryann: No. No. Nothing against religion but not a Jesus person. Okay. Well here's my card, in case you change your mind. (she gives her a card) Good luck, Tara.","Tara: Wait.","Scene 22: Outside the police station - Maryann, Tara, Andy","Tara (seeing Maryann's car): Holy s***. What the hell kind of social worker are you?","Maryann: Actually, it was a gift. Go on, climb in. what's the matter?","Tara: I'm all dirty.","Maryann: Oh, don't worry about that. I get dirty too.","Andy: Get that car out of here. This is an official vehicle zone. Read the f****** sign.","Maryann: Detective Bellefleur, is it?","Andy: Move the car. Jesus Christ, you deaf? I'm surrounded by a******* and m*****.","Maryann and Tara leave.","Andy gets Jason out of his car.","Scene 23: Sookie's house - Sookie, Sam, Bill","Sam and Sookie are watching at the tv.","Sookie: It sounds strange under the circumstances, but I had a good time today.","Sam: It's the company.","Sookie: Must be.","Sam: I mean, that says something for us. We can enjoy ourselves even when we're trying to find a murderer.","Sookie: You are fun. It's one of the reasons I'm still working for you.","Sam: Yeah?","Sookie: It's not the tips or the high-class clientele.","Sam: You know what? It was probably the best day of my life when you walked in looking for a job.","Sookie: Quit.","Sam: No, I mean it.","Sookie: I know you do.","Sam: Are you looking in my head?","Sookie: I'm looking in your heart.","They kiss. Bill enters, furious. He jumps on Sam.","Sookie: Stop.","They continue to fight, Bill tries to strangle Sam.","Sookie: No! Bill! Stop fighting, you s***** men!","Bill: He had his hands all over you.","Sam: She's not your property.","Sookie: Sam, I can speak for myself. (To Bill) You left me alone with no promise to come back. Then you attack the man helping keep me safe. How dare you?","Bill: He's helping because I asked him to.","Sookie: Get out.","Bill: If you knew what I had done to return to you...","Sookie: I rescind your invitation.","Bill: Sookie, don't. Please. Sookie. Please.","He goes out and she closes the door.","Sam: Can't you see what he's really like? How can you think about being with him.","Sookie: My living room's wrecked. I've got a killer, a vampire and a shape-shifter on my plate. Right about now, I'm not thinking about being with anybody.","Scene 24: Maryann's house - Maryann, Tara","Maryann and Tara arrive at Maryann's house.","Tara: This is where you live? F*** me.","Maryann: Come on in, Tara. Make yourself at home.","Tara: If you insist.","Maryann: I insist. Come on.","They enter.","Scene 25: At the police station - Jason, Bud, Andy","Andy: I knew it was you. I knew it from the second we found Maudette. People said, \"No, not Jason Stackhouse, he's too dumb.\" But I knew. I said, \"That shifty b*st*rd's a goddamn psychopath.\"","Jason: I ain't arguing with you, Andy.","Andy: Detective.","Bud: Tell us all about it, son.","Andy: I'll tell you all about it. I'll tell you exactly what happened. This piece of s*** lured those poor girls onto his king-sized bed and dirty sheets to f*** them and kill them.","Bud: Andy, he called us. Let the boy confess. Go ahead, Jason. How'd it happen?","Jason: I don't know.","Andy: Oh, don't even try that on. Bud, give me five minutes alone with him. I'll get you every detail.","Bud: What do you mean, you don't know?","Jason: I don't remember what I done. To any of them. But they keep dying all around me so I gotta be the guy, right?","Bud: Let's take them one at a time.","Andy: Yeah, let's start with Amy Burley. That ought to be fresh in your so-called mind.","Jason: I took V. Not with the others, just with her. We both did.","Bud: V? Jason, Jason.","Andy: I knew it.","Jason: When I woke up, Amy was... well, like she was.","Andy: \"Dead\" is the word you're looking for. Stone-cold dead.","Jason: We were alone in the house. God, I must have done it. But I don't know why. Honest to God, I loved her.","Andy: Bulls***. You hated Maudette. You hated Dawn.","Jason: I didn't hate them. I mean, we had some pretty good times. It was f****** and fighting, like any girl. I just... I just don't understand what would have made me do it.","Andy: Your grandmother knew what you were like. She guessed, she called you out. You grabbed a knife.","Jason: No, I didn't kill Gran and you know it. You better damn well find who did.","Andy: This is the worst confession I ever heard in my life.","Jason: F*** you, Andy. That's all I got. Look I don't wanna hurt nobody else. Lock me up. For chrissake, lock me up.","Andy: Not before we get some solid facts. We'll waterboard you if that's what it takes.","Bud: Andy.","Andy: What?","Bud: Lock him up.","Andy: Come on, now. About time you found the law.","The receptionist receives a fax with the photo of Drew Marshall.","Receptionist at the phone: Hey, you. Wake up. I know it's early, but I gotta tell you... Wait. Somebody's coming.","Andy brings Jason in jail.","Receptionist: Girl, guess what? Jason Stackhouse is the murderer. Yes, I swear. He's looking all crazy in a hot way, you know him. But they're throwing him in a cell right now. We are so lucky he didn't kill us.","She puts a file on the fax."],"Show Title":"True Blood","Episode Number":"01x11","Episode Title":"To Love To Bury","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"True_Blood_03x03.json","Recap":["Still searching for Bill, Sookie heads to Jackson, Mississippi, with Alcide , a werewolf bodyguard assigned by Eric to protect her. Sam's birth family pay him an unexpected visit at Merlotte's. Jason decides to become a police officer. Sheriff Bud Dearborne resigns in frustration. Arlene discovers she is pregnant and fears that the baby's father may be Rene. Franklin charms Tara and disposes of a body for Jessica and wants information on Bill in return. Eric buys Lafayette an expensive new car as an incentive. Haunted by visions from his past, Bill pledges his allegiance to the King of Mississippi. Bill and his maker Lorena have a violent sexual encounter."],"Transcript":["Scene 1: Sookie's house - Sookie, Eric, biker","Sookie shoots on the wolf but Eric receives the ball.","Sookie: Eric!","Wolf in his head: Holy sh1t. V.","Eric: Stay back, Sookie. Don't shoot him. He knows.","Sookie: He knows what?","Eric: Who do you work for?","Biker: Give me a taste, fucker. Come on.","Eric: Who sent you?","Biker: I-I can't--I can't talk.","Eric: For the last time: Who is your master?","Biker in his head: Think you can mad-dog me, you f*cking fanger? You got nothing on Jackson.","Biker: If I tell you, I'm as dead as you are. You might as well kill me now.","Eric: As you wish. (To Sookie) Oh. I got your rug all wet. Heh.","Scene 2: Russell's house - Russell, Talbot, Lorena, Bill","Russell: Oh, Lorena, Lorena. Oh, dear. I'm so sorry.","Lorena: I'm fine.","Russell: Come here.","Lorena: I'll heal in a minute.","Talbot: The Celtic tapestry was a gift from the lord of Glyndyfrdwy in 1387.","Russell: We'll find a way to clean it up.","Talbot: Hm.","Russell: Or we'll put a planter or two in front of it and we'll hide the burn marks. Really, it's like Armageddon in here anytime someone chips a dessert glass. Okay, now if everyone could please leave me alone with Mr. Compton. We could all use a moment to let, um, cooler heads prevail.","They all leave.","Russell: This may be difficult for a Louisianan to understand, but in the kingdom of Mississippi, our appetite for unprovoked violence is nil. Fangs. You know, it was Miss Krasiki who recommended you. If we are to be working together, I suggest you learn to get along.","Bill: You do Lorena's bidding now?","Russell: Oh, that's what she thinks. But given your privileged standing with Queen Sophie Anne I'd rather have you for my own.","Bill: Whatever lies Lorena has told you, she has motives of her own.","Russell: I am well aware. She really is quite unsophisticated for someone so old. Do you know that she wanted me to make you watch while she killed your human? And speaking of, vampire to vampire... how much do you really love that human of yours? Why not turn her, as I turned Talbot centuries ago? Spend eternity together. Mm. That's a commitment.","Bill: That is impossible.","Russell: Well, the alternative is to subject her to the vicissitudes of mortality and to the mercy of forces, such as, for instance, me.","Bill: Your Majesty, that is no choice.","Russell: Of course it is. Is it your human's welfare you value or your own desire? You are a fraction of my age. One day you'll see you can't have both. Well, we're all a little frazzled by the worries of the day. Why don't you, uh... sleep on it? Fresh graves are ideal for disposing of an unwanted body.","Scene 3: Cemetery - Sookie, Eric","Eric: The ground's already disturbed, so no one would think to dig again.","Sookie: So much for keeping him alive so we could question him.","Eric: Well, that's what I was planning.","Sookie: But then you saw his brand.","Eric: Brings back many memories. Unpleasant ones.","Sookie: If you'd given me a chance to listen to his thoughts--","Eric: You have no concept of how dangerous werewolves are.They're virtually silent. They have no fear of death. And when they've had a bit of our blood, their strength can be a challenge. Even for me.","Sookie: Like I said, thanks for saving my life. How's your bullet wound?","Eric: Well, it would have healed a lot faster if you had--","Sookie: I will never fall for that again.","Eric: Maybe the next time you shoot me. I'll walk you back.","Sookie: Do you know anyone named Jackson? It's the only thing I could make out. Maybe that's the person he's working for.","Eric: Jackson is where he lives. He had a Mississippi accent. Can't you people tell the difference?","Sookie: Oh, my God, he's from Jackson? Do you think that's where Bill is? Eric, we have to go, like yesterday.","Eric: I can't. Not yet. The problems of the world consist of more than finding your missing boyfriend. You shouldn't go by yourself, either. These werewolves are looking for you. You're no good to Bill or to me if you're dead.","Sookie: How can you expect me to sit around when we have a lead?","Eric: It'll be morning by the time you get to Jackson. If you're planning on rescuing a vampire during daylight I have seriously overestimated your intelligence. At least take the day to think it over.","Sookie: Fine. I'll leave tomorrow. But I have to go. Bill would do it for me. I don't expect you to understand.","Eric: I understand very well.","Sookie: If I do get into some kind of trouble, you'll feel it, right? How fast can you get to Mississippi?","Eric: Probably not fast enough. Stay out of trouble, Miss Stackhouse. It'll do us both a favor.","Scene 4: Motel room - Tara, Franklin","Tara: Go, go. Go ahead. Bite me. Go on, f*cking do it. (He doesn't bite her) What the hell? I said you could bite me.","Franklin: No.","Tara: Why not?","Franklin: Because you want me to.","Scene 5: Micken's house - Tommy, Joe Lee, Sam, Melinda","TV: Okay, here we go. Final table at Festa al Lago about to get under way. We started five days ago with 368 players. We are down to our final six. The winner today is gonna take home over $1 million.","Sam comes in.","Joe Lee: Whoa. Hey there. Uh. Wasn't expecting company. Tommy said you split. Oh, he told you that?","Sam: He must have misheard. I'm not the kind to skip out on his own blood kin.","Joe Lee: Course you ain't. Hey, Lindy. Sam's back. I'll go get her. Mama?","Sam: I don't appreciate you trying to get me killed.","Tommy: I don't appreciate you coming into my house like you belong here. I figured since we're related, you could keep up, but...","Joe Lee: How the hell should I know? We never have guests.","Melinda: Pull them off the bed. Come on.","Melinda and Joe Lee come.","Sam: Well, now, hold on, hold on, now. I just came over to say goodbye. I wasn't gonna stay the night.","Melinda: We ain't letting you spend your money on no motel.","Tommy: Mama, if he wants to stay in a motel, let him.","Sam: No, I gotta get back to Bon Temps.","Melinda: At this time of night?","Sam: Yeah, well, I got my life back here just like you got yours here. I don't wanna intrude any more than I already have.","Melinda: Joe Lee, down the sink.","Joe Lee: Dadgum, I just cracked it open.","Melinda: Down the sink. Jesus H. You ain't seen your son in over 30 years, and you can't cork it for one night? We ain't alcoholics.","Joe Lee: Don't ever get married, Sam. The second you do, that's when they start to woman you.","Melinda: I know it may not look like it, but we are just so, so proud of you, and what all you done with yourself. I just-- I just wish we were the kind of people that could make you proud of us.","Sam: All right, listen. Stop worrying about what I think. Okay? Start with them. Okay? Now, come on. Take care of your mama.","Joe Lee: All right. Lindy. Lindy, come on.","Tommy: We'll see each other again.","Joe Lee: Lindy. You best get going before she climbs in the trunk with you.","Sam (to Tommy): You forgot these. You must have dropped them when you were changing... the oil.","Scene 6: Jason's house - Jason, Hoyt","Hoyt: You?","Jason: Yeah.","Hoyt: A cop?","Jason: Oh, I wish you were there. Tonight, boom, the universe showed me my destiny. And for me, that's to protect and serve the citizens of Renard Parish. Police work just ain't about tackling people. There's marksmanship, paramilitary training. I got all that now. And let's face it, would you feel safe with me patrolling the streets or Andy Bellefleur? Yeah, that's what I thought. That's what I thought.","Scene 7: Motel room - Tara, Franklin","Tara: Oh, my God. What the hell just happened?","Franklin: You lost yourself to the void. I'd claim it was a gift, but actually, it's common to most vampires.","Tara: I-- I never do this.","Franklin: What, one-night stands? Cheap motels? Vampires?","Tara: None of it. No offense. Actually, the cheap motel, yes. But only once. Come to think of it, why do you need a motel room? Don't y'all sleep in the ground?","Franklin: It's nice to have a place to shower, shave, and ravage you.","Tara: f*ck. Did this all happen because we beat the crap out of a couple rednecks tonight?","Franklin: You did. You would've killed them if I hadn't have stopped you.","Tara: Wanted to.","Franklin: Where does all that come from?","Tara: No. You don't wanna poke that.","Franklin: Oh, I'm entitled to a little bit of curiosity. I hardly know a thing about you. I don't know if you have a husband or a boyfriend.","Tara: Listen, this was great and all-- Okay, mind-blowing. But let's not make it into something that it wasn't. Just take me home.","Franklin: Well, can I at least ask your name?","Tara: Oh, even better, I-I'll walk.","Franklin: My name is Franklin.","Tara: Please give it up. Knowing my name isn't gonna make you feel any less dirty, or me any less... Thanks, Franklin.","Scene 8: Fangtasia - Pam, Yvetta, Jessica","Pam is with Yvetta when the phone rings.","Pam: Fangtasia. This better be good.","Jessica: Oh, hi. Pam, it's Jessica Hamby. We talked yesterday. I'm the one who--","Pam: I remember you perfectly. What is it?","Jessica: Um... Well, I really desperately need your help. I don't know where Bill is, and, gosh, you guys are the only other vampires I know--","Pam: Spit it out, cupcake. I'm in the middle of something.","Jessica: Right. Um... You remember how I was asking how you would--? You know, what you would do if you, like, killed somebody by accident?","Pam: Did you call the hypothetical hardware store and buy a theoretical chain saw?","Jessica: Yes. And that's just the problem. I went to get the chain saw, and now he's gone.","Pam: What?","Jessica: I left for, like, 15 minutes and he just disappeared.","Pam: So the problem you have is that there is no dead body in your house?","Jessica: Yeah.","Pam: Doesn't sound like a problem to me. Gotta run. (She hangs up) Babies, they're all the same. Now, where were we? Oh, right. Lie back, sweetheart, and think of Estonia.","Scene 9: Merlotte's - Sookie, Sam","Sookie: Oh, my God, you have a brother?","Sam: Yeah. News to me too.","Sookie: What are they like?","Sam: Well, I'm more at home with the folks here.","Sookie: Speaking of which, you heard about the...?","Sam: Hm? Yeah. Jesus Christ. And Andy shot him?","Sookie: Welcome back, huh?","Sam: Good thing this town doesn't have many other bar options. So how long should I expect you gone for this time?","Sookie: Two, maybe three days at the most. If I leave by 4, I can get there by sundown. Sam, how can you expect me to stay here and do nothing when Bill might be in Jackson? You know me.","Sam: I know you well enough not to argue. You need anyone to--?","Sookie: If you really wanna help, I'm kind of leaving Jessica here on her own while I'm gone. Do you think you could make sure she doesn't do anything horrible?","Sam: How?","Sookie: I don't know. Give her a job? Just kidding. Can you imagine? Arlene would freak.","Sam: You don't get back, she's getting your job.","Sookie: I'll be fine.","Sam: Nice ring.","Soookie: Thanks.","Scene 10 : Jason's house - Jason, Hoyt","Hoyt: What is the rank between a sergeant and a captain in the Louisiana State Police?","Jason: Skip.","Hoyt: The legal blood-alcohol limit in the state of Louisiana is?","Jason: When you're drunk?","Hoyt: Uh, no.","Jason: Next one.","Hoyt: Jessica says it's too late for us to be together. What do you think she means by that?","Jason: Wait, that's on the test?","Hoyt: No, I'm asking you.","Jason: Look, come on, man. Not now. You're quizzing me. I'm in the zone.","Hoyt: Yeah, you're 0 for 22. At least this you could help me with.","Jason: All right, listen. I've heard every breakup excuse from \"You're a son of a bitch, Stackhouse\" to \"You're a f*cking asshole, Jason.\" And you know what? They're all saying the same thing. They can't handle the heat you're packing.","Hoyt: So Jessica is having trouble handling my heat?","Jason: The only thing to do is to move on to someone who can. That's why every girlfriend I've had has been hotter than the last.","Hoyt: I don't know how I'll find someone better than Jessica.","Jason: Man, there are two kinds of people in this world: people who got no dreams, people who got dreams and don't do nothing about it, and people who go out and fulfill their dreams. I'm the third kind. So you gonna help me out or not?","Hoyt: I'm trying to help you, but look, the website says you have to pass the written exam.","Jason: You think Andy Bellefleur knows half of this sh1t? There's gotta be an easier way. Look, I'm ready now. You know? I know between good and evil. I'm like a ninja-level marksman. I got all the training I need.","Hoyt: You wanna know what that blood-alcohol limit is?","Jason: I don't need to know it. If it's on the sample test, it's not on the real thing. Everybody knows that.","Scene 11: Doctor's - Arlene, Doctor","Arlene: Well, him and me, we haven't even talked about kids, but, well, maybe this is the good Lord telling me that this man's a keeper. Right? I mean, don't you think? You know, children being a blessing and all.","Doctor: Pardon, dear. Need to adjust the probe. Oh, yeah, that's better. Yup, there's the critter, see?","Arlene: That's my baby?","Doctor: It ain't much more than a head and a heart right now, but that's all you need, don't you?","Arlene: Oh, my.","Doctor: This one a bit of a surprise?","Arlene: Uh, a little, I guess. My boyfriend and me, we haven't been together for very long.","Doctor: Well, at least two, three months by the looks of it.","Arlene: Excuse me?","Doctor: Twenty-five millimeters from crown to rump. Yeah, I'd say the tadpole's at least nine weeks on.","Arlene: Nine weeks? Are you sure?","Doctor: Maybe ten.","Scene 12: Merlotte's - Tara, Terry, Mike","Tara: Terry, phone! I'm wiping.","Terry: I'm frying!","Tara: Merlotte's, this is Tara.","Mike: Hey, Tara. I'm glad I caught you. It's Mike Spencer. How are you?","Tara: Uh, I-I'm at work. How are you?","Mike: Heh-heh. You know, same old. Uh, well, um, I don't know if you heard, but the Talley funeral's today.","Tara: The what? Uh, you know, Eggs. We're down at the cemetery. Thought you might wanna come over, say goodbye.","Tara: Thanks, Mike. I'm leaving now. Don't start without me.","Scene 13: Cemetery - Tara, Mike, Sookie, Pastor","Tara: Where is everyone?","Mike: Just us. He didn't have any people, as far as I could find. Didn't know who else to call.","Tara: Well, I'm not-- I'm not blaming you. It's just at a funeral, you expect, you know, people. Loved ones.","Mike: Well, you're here.","Tara: If I'm the only one here, who paid for all this?","Sookie: I did. I understand if you don't want me here, but I thought at the very least Eggs deserved a real funeral.","Tara: No, come on. The casket's nice. You didn't have to.","Sookie: None of this makes me feel better about anything. But maybe it might help you.","Tara: It doesn't. I know you mean well. You always have. But there ain't anything anyone can do right now. Well, at least you got somewhere to come see him now. Might not seem like much, but I like having a place to go when I wanna see Gran. Every time I visit her, it hurts a little bit less. Will you come back home? It's okay if you're still angry with me. I'll be in Jackson for a couple days. I got a lead on Bill. You can have the house to yourself.","Tara: Lafayette's making me so crazy I wanna eat the wallpaper.","Sookie: I think this is everybody. Friends, we have gathered to pay our final respects to Benedict Talley. Your presence here assures that his memory will not be forgotten, as Christ assures that his soul will not be forsaken. Let us pray that he will find eternal peace and comfort in the arms of our Lord.","Scene 13: Cemetery back in 1868 - Bill, Caroline, Loren","Bill arrives in front of his house when a woman opens the door.","Woman: Who's there? Good God in heaven.","Bill: Caroline, my dearest.","Caroline: The war ended three years ago.I was sure you had perished.","Bill: I'm home now.","Caroline: I haven't slept an hour since you left. I prayed for you. I pleaded with God for your return. Especially in these last few days.","Bill: Is it Sarah? Thomas? Both?","Caroline: William... Come. I sent Sarah away to Tennessee. Thomas, he was too young. I tried to protect him.","Bill: You did all anyone could. I heard many children were taken. I feared the worst.","Caroline: No one will come for him. Undertakers won't touch anyone with the pox. I resolved to bury him myself tomorrow.","Bill: Thomas? It's your papa. I've come to see you off.","Caroline: Oh, William. You're as cold as the earth.","She sees his blood tears.","Bill: No. No. Do not be afraid.","Caroline: Are you afflicted?","Bill: I am. I was... My human life was taken from me.","Caroline: Are you a ghost?","Bill: I am here to bury our son.","Caroline: Uh...","Bill: I cannot be infected.","Caroline: What are you? What are you? What are you? Demon? The devil? You've taken my husband. I will not let you take my son.","Bill: Caroline, no. Listen.","Caroline: Stay back! Stay--!","She shoots him but he heals. She goes out. Lorena's there.","Bill: Caroline.","Lorena: This is your doing, I assume?","Bill: Unhand her. She is my wife.","Lorena: In her condition, she's hardly more human than animal. Except for her blood, of course.","Bill: I will die before I allow you to harm her. Caroline?","Caroline: No, no, no.","Bill: Look at me. Look at me.","Caroline: No, no, no.","Bill: Caroline. Look at me. Caroline.","Caroline: Kill me! I can't bear this anymore! Do what you will with my body. My soul will be safe. My soul will be...","Lorena: William, stop. Darling. Darling Caroline. I'm so sorry to have to do this to you.","End of the flash back. Bill wakes up in his bead.","Scene 14: Jason's work - Jason, Bud, Lafayette, Hoyt","Jason passes his exam in a classroom.","Bud: Can I help you, son?","Jason: Uh. Yeah, Bud. Um... Can I get another test paper? There's something wrong with this one.","Bud: I'd say there's something wrong with you.","Jason has no pants on him. Everyone laughs.","Bud: Jason, wake the f*ck up.","It was just a dream. Jason is in his truck.","Lafayette: Jason. Yeah. Yeah?","Jason: Oh, yeah, what's up? I was just getting my gloves.","Lafayette: I need your authorization on this PWE form before we, us, over yonder working, can do the other side of the road, supervisor.","Jason: Yeah, I know what you're thinking. But I got a lot on my mind lately.","Lafayette: That must feel new. Try spending every waking moment mopping up your cousin's tears and keeping her away from pointy objects. See how much sleep you get then.","Hoyt: Holy sh1t. Hey! Hey! Lafayette, Jason, anybody! Come on, help! Help!","Jason: I'm coming.","They found a body.","Hoyt: It's... It's dead. Got no head. It's got no head, man. It's got no head.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Scene 14: Sookie's house - Sookie, Alcide","Man's thought: That must be her. Said blond and pretty. No wonder the girl's a magnet for trouble.","Sookie runs to her house.","Man: Hey. Hold on. Hey.","Sookie: Get your goddamn hands off me!","Man: I ain't trying to hurt you.","Sookie: You're a werewolf. I've had vampire blood. I'll kick your ass.","Man: Listen. Eric Northman's the one who sent me. My name's Alcide Herveaux. I'm here to look after you.","Scene 15: Merlotte's - Sam, Tommy, Joe Lee, Tommy","Joe Lee: Holy crap. Look at this layout. Hey.","Melinda: Sam.","Sam: Hey, what's going on?","Melinda: This all yours?","Sam: Yeah. Something the matter or...?","Melinda: No, no. After you left, we just got to wondering what kind of life you got down here.","Joe Lee: We figured we ain't got nothing else to do today, let's go see for ourselves. Didn't have to do much looking around to find you.","Sam: Uh-huh.","Tommy: Never thought any son of mine would have a place like this, though.","Sam: Yeah. Well, I thought, uh, I thought we agreed, uh-- Agreed to wait a piece, uh, you know, before getting back together again.","Melinda: Ain't you happy to see us?","Sam: Well, no, I didn't, uh, I didn't say that. I-I just don't do well with surprises.","Tommy: Mama, he doesn't want us here.","Sam: Hey, no. That's not true. That's...Y'all, uh-- Y'all came all this way, and I'm buying you lunch. All right?","Joe Lee: All right! Oh, good.","Sam: Whatever you want. Right. Okay? Come on.","Joe Lee: Always dreamed of having my own chicken shack. Right. I would call it Mickens' Chicken and Chitlins.","Tommy: Yeah, that'll happen.","Scene 16: Jason's work - Bud, Kenya, Andy, Mike","Kenya: Mr. Fortenberry states he was clearing the ditch to replace a drainage pipe when he located the victim.","Andy: The head and hands are missing, but there's no blood, so he probably bled out before being brought to the scene. Muscle tissue shows signs of tearing rather than cutting, so it looks like our unsub just tore his head clean off. Only thing I know can do that's a vampire.","Mike: That would explain why there's no blood.","Bud: I quit.","Andy: Hey, Bud, wait up. Where you going?","Bud: Did you hear me? I quit. I've had it with this sh1t. Every time we clear one murder, two more spring up. It's like crabgrass.","Kenya: We need you to sign the report.","Bud: You sign it. Or you. I don't care. Take this crap. All of it. Forty-three years and what have I got to show for it? Gaps in my brain and polyps in my ass. I don't need this horseshit!","Scene 17: Sookie's house - Sookie, Alcide","Sookie: The house is in no shape for guests, I know. It's a long story. I'll tell you about it in the car.","Alcide in his head: I hear you read minds.That true?","Sookie: Yes, it is.","Alcide in his head: Son of a bitch. So we could have a whole conversation with me sitting here clamped shut?","Sookie: Well, it's kind of rude with just the two of us, but in a room full of strangers, it might come in handy.","Alcide: I'll keep that in mind. What I don't understand is if you had Eric Northman's blood and all, why he can't look after you himself.","Sookie: It's not like that. I'm not his. How'd he rope you into taking me to Jackson?","Alcide: My old man, he's got a construction company in Caddo Parish. Came up a little short on a project. Went to Northman for a loan.","Sookie: Wouldn't be my first choice.","Alcide: Yeah, you take what you can get. Only reason I'm here is to help him get out of debt. I don't do favors for vamps. Plus, I know the pack is sniffing around. You ain't getting nowhere without an in.","Sookie: Are you friends with them?","Alcide: I wouldn't call them friends exactly. My ex is banging their leader.","Sookie: Sorry.","Alcide: That pack is a cancer to our kind. Weres have lived in Jackson for almost 200 years without a single human knowing it. Now these sons of bitches come to town, there's a crime streak a mile wide. Not to say the rest of us are above violence, but you shut the barn door behind you.","Sookie: One of them came after me last night, in here.","Alcide: Yeah, Northman mentioned that. Looks like a hell of a fight. You gonna be ready for more of that in Jackson?","Sookie: They took someone I love from me. I don't know about you, but I was raised to fight back.","Alcide: Great. You'll get us both killed.","Sookie: I'll pack light.","Scene 17: Russell's house - Lorena, Bill, Caroline, Russell, Talbot, Cooter","Bill's flash back:","Caroline: What is she? Is she your--? Your wife?","Bill: No, she is not.","Caroline: Will she kill me?","Bill: I will not allow her to hurt you.","Lorena: You've hurt her enough for two lifetimes, William. I warned you. There's our world and theirs. Between lies only suffering.","Caroline: If you can kill me... please, I beg you, do it now.","Lorena: Make her forget. Go on. You brought this upon her. You must undo it.","Bill: Caroline. We can never be together. I was never here.","Bill and Lorena are in the cemetery in front if Thomas' grave.","Lorena: Goodbye, young Thomas. The only way to show your love for a human is to stay away. Forever. Do you understand now?","End of the flash back. Bill wakes up.","In another room:","Cooter: Johnson's my best goddamn man.","Russell: They're all dumber than a box of rocks.","Cooter: Sir, that's unfair.","Talbot: To boxes maybe. Or rocks.","Russell: Talbot, dear, we forgot to offer Cooter a refreshment. Could you?","Talbot: Of course. Zima, correct?","Cooter: Sir, it's been 24 hours, and still no sign of him or the waitress.","Russell: Can your pack of imbeciles do nothing right?","Cooter: Somebody got him.","Lorena: Eric Northman.","Russell: Who?","Lorena: He's a sheriff under Sophie Anne. He has a perverse interest in that waitress. I'm sure he's been watching over her.","Bill arrives.","Russell: Ah, Mr. Compton. Good day's rest?","Bill: I've considered your offer. My service to Queen Sophie Anne has brought only suffering to me and the humans that I have lived amongst. I recognize that now. For their safety and also for mine... I hereby renounce my fealty to the kingdom of Louisiana... and I humbly pledge my loyalty to Your Majesty.","Russell: Wonderful. Ah. Wonderful. We don't need the girl after all.","Lorena: You're letting her go? But you gave me your word.","Russell: I have given my word. To Mr. Compton. And I intend to keep it.","Scene 18: Merlotte's - Jason, Tara","Jason: Hey. It's good to see you working and all.","Tara: It's my job.","Jason: No, I know. It's just, you know, after everything... it's good to see you're okay. I mean, you seem okay. Are you okay?","Tara: I'm getting there. Little by little.","Jason: Well, you know, I lost a lot of people I love too. Loved a lot. And if you ever wanna talk or whatever... Because you and Sookie are like sisters, and Sookie is my sister, so we're like family. Even though we ain't been that close lately.","Tara: Thanks. You're a good friend.","Jason: Yeah. Could be better. I should be there for you.","Tara: Wish I had you there the night that sh1t happened.","Jason: Yeah, but I wasn't there. I mean, the-- I'm sorry I wasn't there, and I'm sorry it happened.","Tara: Jason, what's with you? You didn't do anything.","Jason sees a hole on Tara's forehead.","Jason: Uh, Jesus. You know what, you're right. I shouldn't beat myself up over it. If you need me, I'm gonna be over here.","Tara: What--? Jason.","Jason leaves.","Scene 19: Lafayette's house - Lafayette, Eric","Lafayette: God-- This m*therf*cker.","Eric: Hello, sweetheart. Hop in.","Lafayette: Listen. Listen, I moved what I could. I mean, even at half off, the sh1t is still expensive. I'm gonna need some more time.","Eric: Relax. You'll ruin your new ride.","Lafayette: Huh?","Eric: Pam's been a bit harsh lately. She's under a lot of pressure. I thought it would be a good time for a small gift to my, uh, top salesman.","Lafayette: What's the catch?","Eric: Well, you'll have to pay the insurance. I'm not an idiot. And I'm gonna have to sell you the car for $1 to avoid that pesky gift tax. Mind you, it may look a little, uh, out of place parked outside of that strange plywood hut you live in.","Lafayette: No, I ain't taking on no more of your sh1t.","Eric: You have great value, Lafayette. You're discreet, efficient, and you have a network of loyal customers with enormous disposable income. You could become quite wealthy if you wanted to.","Lafayette: I don't need no more money.","Eric: No? I never thought of you as lacking in ambition. But perhaps you're content with moth-eaten afghans and secondhand furniture.","Lafayette: I'll think about it.","Eric: Don't make me wait too long. You can owe me the dollar.","Scene 20: Merlotte's - Terry, Arlene, Sam, Tommy, Melinda, Joe Lee","In the kitchen:","Terry: Spit it out, baby. You're breaking up with me.","Arlene: No. No, it's not-- It's not--","Terry: \"It's not you, it's me.\" If I had a nickel for every time-- I'd have 15 cents.","Arlen: No, it is me. It is. I'm... I'm... I got me a baby coming.","Terry: What?","Arlene: And I didn't wanna tell you because-- Because it--","Terry: Oh, my God. We're gonna have a baby?","Arlene: Yes, we are. You're gonna be a daddy. Only let's not tell anybody just yet.","Terry: Oh. Uh, uh... Thank you. Thank you, baby. I never dreamed in my life I could be so happy. Thank you for making my life mean something.","At the restaurant:","Joe Lee: Thank you, darling.","Sam: Hey. Whoa. How many has he had?","Joe Lee: The boy can hold his liquor. Go on, kill it.","Sam: Well, I don't care. He's underage.","Tommy: I'm right here, dick.","Joe Lee: He'll be 20 next April. What's the difference?","Sam: It makes a big difference to me if I lose my liquor license. What are you doing feeding him shots anyhow?","Joe Lee: Listen, I've known my son a lot longer than you have. I suggest you don't tell me how to raise him.","Melinda: Joe Lee.","Sam: I suggest you follow the rules in my bar.","Joe Lee: You talk to me like I'm some kind of drunk.","Sam: Well, you are drunk.","Tommy: Dude, you throw a punch, you are so one of us.","Melinda: Okay, that's enough. God almighty, y'all sure know how to piss all over a perfectly fine reunion.","Sam: You should call it a night.","Melinda: Come on. Don't take it personal, Sam. Joe Lee ain't got a bad bone in him when he's sober. We'll go. I don't wanna embarrass ourselves any more than we already have.","Sam: Just make sure they get home safe.","Melinda: Get in the van, boys. We'll see you soon?","Sam: Sure.","Scene 21: Bill's house - Jessica, Franklin","Franklin knocks on Bill's door.","Franklin: Good evening, miss. Are you home alone tonight?","Jessica: Listen, buddy, I don't know what you have in mind, but you are messing with the wrong girl. (He comes in without an invitation) Hey, vampires can't enter a home without an invitation.","Franklin: A human home. And, uh, the last human owner of this house died a year ago.","Jessica: f*ck. How come nobody tells me any of this?","Franklin: Come, Miss Hamby, sit down. I just wanna talk.","Jessica: So how do you know my name?","Franklin: It's my job. I find things.","Jessica: Yeah, well, what sort of things?","Franklin: Anything that needs finding. Do you have anything like that?","Jessica: Well, um, Bill Compton. He owns this place. He's been gone a couple days. I can't even reach him on his phone. Yes, him too, but, um, I was thinking of somebody else. Think hard. Has anyone else gone missing lately? Maybe this will jog your memory. (He shows her Hank's head) So you do know him.","Jessica: No. It's a head. How do you expect me to react?","Franklin: Come on. Tell me, where'd you meet this handsome devil? Hm? Who broke the ice? I'm guessing him. \"You've sure got some pretty lips, girlfriend.\" Mwah.","Jessica: Stop. Just put it-- Put it down.","Franklin: The important part is that he's no longer a problem. See? I help you, you help me a little in return. Now... why don't you tell me everything you know about Bill Compton?","Scene 21: Jason's house - Jason","Jason finds a paper on his table. He burns it.","Scene 22: Merlotte's - Sam","Sam wakes up and goes in his office. He finds a bird.","Sam: Hey! Get back here! (Someone searched in his office and left his clothes) sh1t!","Scene 23: Lou Pine's - Sookie, Alcide, men at the club","Alcide: Might not look like much, but Lou Pine's, it's the oldest were bar in Mississippi.","Man1: Alcide. It's nice to see a face from the old pack. I figured the new wolves are drinking enough for all of us. Mm-hm. Who's the civilian?","Alcide: She's cool. She's a friend.","Sookie: Am I not dressed properly?","Man1: You look like dinner.","Alcide: I'll keep an eye on her, Hollis. Gonna have to split off. See you with me, they ain't gonna talk.","Sookie: Where are you gonna be?","Alcide: With my guys. I'll be watching you. You make it quick, for your own sake.","Sookie: Hey, boys. Oh, my God, I am so stupid. I left my wallet in the car, but I am parched. Any of you guys mind buying a girl a cosmo?","Man2: You here alone, cream puff? Oh, you are stupid.","Sookie: Oh, I've been to much tougher places than this. Any of you heard of a place in Louisiana called Fangtasia?","Man2: You're a fangbanger?","Sookie: There's nothing meaner or stronger than a vampire. What's not to like?","Man4: You'd be surprised.","Man4 in his head: If you knew we kicked the sh1t out of one a couple nights ago, you'd be on your knees right quick.","Sookie: Why don't you tell me about it?","She sees Bill in the car when he's been kidnapped.","Man4: Let's talk about it in private","Sookie: Sure. Why not?","Men: Yeah! Whoo! Yeah!","Man4: Me first or you?","Sookie: You know a vampire? Can you take me to him?","Man4: Like a three-way sort of deal?","Sookie: Come on, where is he?","Man4: Shut the f*ck up. I got more vampire blood in me than you think.","Alcide: Hey, asshole.","The two men fight.","Men: Hey. What the f*ck you doing? Hit him. Get him. Yeah. Kick his ass. Yeah. Come on.","Hollis: Goddamn! I'm gonna run out of bats if he keeps this up. Now get him out of here. Now!","Men: Get him out of here. Let's go. Come on, let's go.","Hollis: Come on, man. She ain't worth it.","Alcide: I barely even know her.","Hollis: I mean Debbie.","Alcide: What about Debbie?","Hollis: Oh, sh1t. Um... Debbie's getting engaged to Coot.","Alcide: Come on, Hollis, stop it.","Hollis: The party's tomorrow night. Here. I'm sorry I gotta be the one to break it to you.","Scene 24: Sookie's house - Tara, Franklin","Franklin: Good evening, Tara.","Tara: Who told you my name?","Franklin: I met a delightful baby vampire tonight. Actually, no, she was irritating as all get-out, but she did tell me a great many things, such as your name and the fact that you live in a house owned by the human companion of Mr. Bill Compton.","Tara: Why is that important to you? Who do you work for?","Franklin: Well, now who's interested in getting to know me all of a sudden? Mind if I, uh, come in?","Tara: Hell no. I got a terrible track record with letting people into this house.","Franklin: Oh, don't be that way, Tara. Tara. That is such a beautiful name.","Tara: As far as you're concerned, my name is: \"That girl from Bon Temps, huh? Wonder how she's doing. Too bad I can't get a hold of her anymore.\"","Franklin: Actually, I can get a hold of you any time I want. Isn't that right, Tara?","Tara: Yeah. You wanted to come in?","Franklin: If you insist.","Tara: Come in. Please.","Scene 25: Bill's room - Lorena, Bill","Lorena: Most impressive. You won the trust of Russell Edgington himself. A bravura performance.","Bill: I don't care what you believe. My only loyalty is to my king.","Lorena: Your only loyalty is to your own sentiment. It's your great failing. A century ago, it was to your human wife. Now it's that ridiculous waitress. You'll say anything to save her.","Bill: We can never love humans without bringing suffering upon them. You taught me that... and I will never forgive you for it.","Lorena: It's an essential truth, one you refused to face because you clung to the illusion of humanity.","Lorena: You are right. Is that what you wish to hear? You proved it to me once and now I've learned it again. You have won. You've deprived me of my freedom... and my home... my humanity. But I will never, ever love you. Never! Never!","Lorena: Yes. Make love to me.","Bill: Never. I will never.","Lorena: Oh, William.","They have sexe.","Lorena: I so love you."],"Show Title":"True Blood","Episode Number":"03x03","Episode Title":"It Hurts Me Too","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Tyrant_01x03.json","Recap":["While Barry's decision to stay in Abbudin is met with mixed emotion, the discovery of new evidence connected to the attempted murder of Jamal threatens to drive a wedge between the two brothers."],"Transcript":["[PREVIOUSLY_ON]","Jamal's accident wasn't an accident. It was an attempt on his life. A woman tried to inject him with poison. Her loyalty was to Ihab Rashid. He's a terrorist.","Ihab: Now thank him for sending us Samira. You have filled your pockets collaborating with the Al Fayeeds.","Barry: I'm an Al Fayeed. That means I'm a powerful man here.","Molly: Are you saying you want to stay?","Jamal: Without family, we have nothing. Without family, we are nothing.","Barry: Jamal, it's, uh... it's me, Bassam. What would you think if I hung around for a while?","(pounding on door)","(door creaks open)","Ziad: Good morning.","Hamid: Good morning.","Ziad: Are you Hamid Mahfouz?","Are you the husband of this woman?","Child: Mommy?","Ziad: I believe that you are. I need you to come with us.","Hamid: What about my children? Who will take care of them?","Ziad: You have neighbors.","Baba!","They will keep an eye out.","(shower running)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Leila: Good morning.","You have your first council meeting today.","Jamal: How long have you been here in my bed?","Leila: Most of the night.","Jamal: Why?","Leila: I... I didn't want you to spend the first night out of the hospital alone. It just seemed wrong.","(Jamal exhales)","I've been giving it a lot of thought, Jamal. I think it's important that we behave like a couple again.","Jamal: Pssh... You've given it a lot of thought, huh? Now that I'm the president? What? Suddenly you are filled with feelings for me?","Leila: Not suddenly, Jamal. I always have, you know that. You want this, and I want this for you.","Jamal: For me?","Leila: Yes, for you.","Jamal: What an amazing morning. First, my wife decides to put aside all the hurt feelings and humiliation I have caused her and crawl back into my bed now, when I'm useless as a man. And suddenly, my brother decides not to run back to California to treat measles and chickenpox and mumps, but to stay here and help me hold the country together.","Leila: Bassam is staying? Why?","Jamal: Because he is my brother. Because this is our home. And because he offered and I said yes.","Leila: Okay, but we don't need the help of Bassam. We have each other, Jamal. We've lived here our whole lives. We don't need the help of someone who ran away 20 years ago and now needs a map to find his way...","Jamal: Stop it.","Leila: Around the country.","Jamal: Stop it.","Barry: I don't know exactly what I'll be doing. They sent over this briefing book, so I know today I'll be in a bunch of meetings, but day in, day out... I just think that, with everything that's going on around here, your grandfather dying and uncle Jamal recuperating, it's... it's just not the right time for me to go.","Sammy: Well, I think it's a great idea. Um, do you want me to stay? I mean, you know, keep you company?","Emma: God, you are truly an ass.","Sammy: I mean, you know, I feel like we're walking away from an excellent college essay experience, here.","Molly: Can I talk to you in the other room?","Barry: Sure.","Molly: What if we stay, too?","Barry: Didn't we talk about this last night? Your practice, the kids' schools...","Molly: I know, I know. I know we did. I just... I can't decide which I find more frightening: You being so far away, or us being so far away from you.","Barry: I just... I... I don't think it makes any sense. I'm gonna be gone three weeks, maybe a month.","Molly: You don't know that. You have no idea how long you're gonna be here. I-I'm just saying, I love that you're finally making a connection with these people, this place. You know? Filling in some blanks. I guess... I just thought it would be nice to be part of it with you.","Barry: It would. It would be nice. If we didn't have kids. If we didn't both have medical practices. If we didn't have a thousand obligations pulling us back home. I just... I don't see how it makes any sense.","Molly: Okay. Do what you have to do. Tomorrow night, the kids and I'll fly home and while you're sleeping, we'll be going on with our lives, and while we're sleeping, you'll be going on with yours. And then in three weeks... or three months, or whenever... we'll all be back in the same time zone again. And you're right. What's the big deal?","(men talking indistinctly)","Walid: Shouldn't Jamal hear from me personally?","Yussef: It's better if I go alone.","Walid: But... Oh, Bassam.","Yussef: You remember Walid Rashid, from the wedding?","Barry: Of course.","Walid: Uh...","Yussef: Yeah.","Walid: Uh-uh-uh...","(talking quietly)","(Jamal clears throat)","Jamal: His... his chair.","I would sit in his lap... here on the floor by his feet. His wisdom, his patience, his nerve... I tried to soak it all in. I did soak it all in. I am ready, and now it's your turn, my son. Sit, listen, learn, so you can be ready. As you can see, I have invited my brother Bassam to join us. In addition to being an Al Fayeed, he is very wise, very loyal, and that is why I would like to make him a permanent member of this body, with the title special consul to the president.","Barry: Uh, Mr. President, I'm very honored, but, uh... I-I'm not sure I'm gonna be here long enough to... to need or want a title.","Jamal: That's okay, Bassam. You can't use it up or wear it out. But I will feel better knowing it's here for you in case you need it. That's all.","(Yussef clears throat)","Yussef: Mr. President...","I am sure you are aware that General Tariq, in his effort to find the people responsible for the attempt on your life, has put Abbudin under martial law. Our old friend Walid Rashid is concerned that this will destroy the summer pilgrimages, which begin next week. After all, why would the expected 200,000 tourists come to Abbudin only to be frisked and searched and ordered off the streets by 6:30? He wanted me to give you this petition, which is signed by over a thousand business owners, all of whom will be impacted by these police actions if they drag into next week.","Jamal: Walid gave you this, Yussef?","Yussef: Yes.","Jamal: And is Walid not the uncle of Ihab Rashid, the very man we are looking for?","Yussef: Yes.","Jamal: Then tell Walid to hand over his cowardly nephew, and General Tariq will suspend the curfew, the roadblocks and everything else. Simple.","Yussef: If Walid knew where his nephew was, he'd tell us.","Jamal: Have you asked him?","Yussef: Of course. And General Tariq has questioned him as well. He claims he does not know his nephew's whereabouts.","Jamal: You know what? I don't believe him. Do you believe him, General?","Tariq: I believe very little that's said to me unless I'm holding the person's life in my hands. That having been said, nothing would give me greater pleasure than to suspend martial law. And I'm still hopeful that we can do that very thing prior to the beginning of the pilgrimages. But now would be a foolish time to loosen our grip, since we finally know, with certainty, that it was Walid's nephew Ihab Rashid who supplied the deadly syringe used in the attack against you.","Yussef: \"With certainty\"?","Tariq: There's a witness.","Tariq: Please, tell the council your name.","Hamid: Ha-Hamid Mahfouz.","Tariq: And your wife's name?","Hamid: Fatma Mahfouz.","Tariq: And were you aware of the... relationship between your wife and our president?","Jamal: Stop! Stop, stop. Ahmed, I need you to leave.","Ahmed: Father...","Jamal: Now!","Tariq: Again. Were you aware of the... friendship between your wife and the president?","Hamid (crying): She, uh... she said she loved him.","Tariq: But if she loved him, why then did she try to kill him?","Hamid: Ihab Rashid. He knew about them, and he gave me the syringe. He said if she didn't do it, he would kill our children. So I gave it to her, and I told her what to do.","Tariq: Thank you for your testimony, Mr. Mahfouz. We can transport the witness back to the prison.","Hamid: Mr. President, please! Please, I had no choice! I swear! Have some mercy on me and my children, please!","Tariq: Lest anyone doubt the very real peril our president faced, the laboratory reports have confirmed the syringe was filled with deadly ricin. The good news is that we have captured 37 members of his Izz-al-Din brigade, all of whom we've jailed and all of whom are being interrogated as we speak. It's only a matter of time before we capture Ihab himself.","Jamal: Yussef, you tell Walid we are going to find his sh1t of a nephew one way or the other. But if he makes me wait... Whaddump... I'll hang them both.","Minister of commerce: Mr. President, if I may turn your attention to docket...","Yussef: Welcome home.","Minister of commerce: And discuss the funding for the installation of moving the sidewalk...","Samira: Going to work.","Fauzi: So you're babysitting?","Samira: Mm-hmm.","Fauzi: Samira... don't forget the curfew.","Samira: Okay. But if they need me to stay over, I'll call you.","(Jamal sighs)","Jamal: Well, my first day as the president is just about over and our nation is still here.","It's going to be fine, papa. Look at him. Married man. Beautiful wife. Fresh, young. You just can't let her think for a minute that you are satisfied.","Always make her wonder: \"Am I doing enough?\" Maybe something different tonight. Maybe something crazier tonight.","(Barry clears his throat)","Barry: As your doctor, I'm advising you to stop mixing brandy with your prescription opioids.","I believe it's time for dinner.","Jamal: You know what your problem is, Bassam? You are no fun. I'm starting to think all that western education has taken the Al Fayeed out of you.","Samira: You know they've shut off the internet again.","Ihab: Mm-hmm.","Samira: And they've added more checkpoints. It seems like they're determined to find you and stop you. Determined to make you pay for what happened to the president.","Ihab: Even though I had nothing to do with it.","(wry laugh)","You scared? Hmm? No one knows that we are here except my uncle. We are in the middle of nowhere. So...","(indistinct chatter nearby)","What are you doing? Open. Samira, you are offending Allah.","Samira: But am I offending you?","Ihab: Yes.","Nusrat: Ahmed, stop. Please.","Ahmed: But we are married. We are supposed to be together.","Nusrat: And we will be. I promise we will be. Tomorrow.","(Ahmed sighs)","Walid: He's my brother's son.","Yussef: It's not as if you had a choice.","They're very good at this sort of thing, you know. They'll be using stun grenades. Lots of sound and light, but no blood.","(Walid laughs wryly)","Walid: Right. They save that for the hangings.","Yussef, I've shown you where he is. They're going to do what they have to do. Must I sit here and watch it?","Yussef: Close your eyes if you want.","(explosive popping in distance)","Yussef: All done.","Yussef: Cigarette?","(cell phone buzzing)","(footsteps approaching)","(Jamal clears his throat)","Jamal: I have asked our friend from the United States to join us as we have some news to share that will be of interest to him.","Tariq: Approximately 45 minutes ago, soldiers from the president's office for internal security took Ihab Rashid and ten of his followers and a substantial cache of illegal weaponry into custody.","(applause)","Jamal: Thank you, General.","You have your country's gratitude. I am happy. I hope the united states is happy, too.","John: Anything that signals the end of the mass arrests and checkpoints and roadblocks and curfews absolutely pleases the United States, yes.","Jamal: Very kind. General...?","Tariq: At 12:00 noon, day after tomorrow, we will hang Ihab Rashid in the Capitol square. And, at that time, all the domestic protocols you mentioned will cease. In plenty of time for the pilgrimages, I might add.","(applause)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Barry: Wait, they're gonna publicly hang him?","They still do that here?","John: Practically the national pastime.","Barry: Without a trial.","John: Why delay the fun?","Jamal: Bassam. Is there a problem?","Barry: No, um... I don't know. I-it just seems, as an outsider, that death by hanging, without even the benefit of a trial, seems a kind of barbaric way to deal with your enemies.","Tariq: It actually is quite effective. The strategic goal is to strike fear into the hearts of anyone contemplating a challenge to this regime. And in my experience, the sight of a body swinging from a noose strikes abundant fear.","Jamal: Thank you, everyone. This meeting is adjourned.","(men talking quietly)","(phone ringing)","Fauzi: Hello?","Barry: Fauzi. It's Bassam. You called.","Fauzi: My old friend. So, I'm hearing that you've joined the opposition.","Special counsel to the president. Impressive. Any way I can get a meeting?","Barry: What are you talking about? Two days ago, you couldn't wait to get rid of me. Okay, sure. When do you want to meet?","Fauzi: Now.","Barry: Fauzi, it's 10:00 at night. I'm not gonna see Molly and the kids for a while. Can't this hold?","Fauzi: Well, I'm not sure if it matters to you, but you're about to execute the wrong man.","Barry: Well, that... that's the first I've heard of it, but... Yeah, of course it matters, if it's true.","Fauzi: Yeah, I've been working on this story ever since Jamal was first ambushed. Not that anybody's going to read it; no one can. There's no way to post it. Someone did put that woman up to killing your brother, but it wasn't Ihab Rashid.","Barry: Fauzi, if you really believe this, then I need a name and I need it now.","Fauzi: Yeah, well, uh... I need a favor.","Barry: What favor?","(sighs)","Fauzi: My daughter was arrested this evening with Ihab and his followers.","See, the past few months, she's become distant, more and more religious, but I had no idea that she was involved with Ihab. If you bring her home to me, Bassam, I'll give you the name.","Barry: Wait a second, wait a second. Y-you want me to free your daughter from jail and then bring her to you? How am I supposed to do that?","Fauzi: Well, I'm sorry, my friend. I... I thought that you were the special counsel to the president.","Sammy: So you Skype?","Abdul: Sure.","Sammy: But you've never been on a plane? You've never... never left Abbudin?","Abdul: What for?","Sammy: I don't know, uh... To see things, learn things... try things...","Abdul: No. I can do all that here. As long as I'm careful.","Sammy: Okay. Then I guess when I, when I go home tomorrow, we can, um... Skype. Can I ask you something?","Abdul: You can ask me anything.","Sammy: Do your parents know?","Abdul: Know what?","(Sammy breathing passionately)","Barry: You okay?","(Barry clears throat)","So, your father told me... and I told the judge who freed you... That your getting arrested was an accident. That you have nothing to do with Ihab Rashid. The problem is, they found your car at his safe house, so they're gonna ask questions. Now, the best I could come up with, of the top of my head, is that you were carjacked by some of his men and they took you back there to, uh, to... rob you and rape you. It's not an ideal story, but... but I need you to stick with it and not say anything different to your friends. I don't want to give the government an excuse to put you back in jail. Can I count on you to play along?","Fauzi: Oh! I'm so happy to see you. What the hell were you doing with those men? Ihab Rashid?","Samira: I was trying to make a difference. Something you wouldn't understand.","Fauzi: Samira, wait. Did you thank the man, at least?","Samira: He's an Al Fayeed. I don't owe him anything. He owes me.","(door closes)","(Barry clears throat)","Barry: She's young.","Fauzi: I keep telling myself it's going to pass.","I just want her to live through it. I'm sorry about your father.","Barry: No, you're not.","Fauzi: I am. I knew his son. He's a good friend of mine. I asked him for a favor and he did it. I think he deserves better than to be insulted by a child.","Barry: The only thing I deserve is what you promised me: the name of the man who tried to kill my brother.","Fauzi: Very well. I was going to scan these documents and post them tonight. Instead, I'm going to give them to you. The man you're looking for is Hamid Mahfouz.","Barry: Fatma's husband? No, we've already talked to him. He's the one who testified against Ihab at the council.","Fauzi: Yeah, well... you might also want to look at the analysis of what really was in that syringe. Bassam, I have friends at the lab. I trust you won't compromise their safety.","Barry: I don't understand. We already know what was in the syringe. It was ricin, just like it said in all the news reports.","Fauzi: Read the research, talk to Mahfouz and then decide what to do, Bassam.","(chains jangling)","Barry: Hamid Mahfouz?","Hamid: Yes.","Barry: I'm the president's brother.","I'm Bassam Al Fayeed. I'm also the president's special counsel. I want you to tell me why you're in prison.","Hamid: Because I gave my wife Fatma a needle full of ricin to kill president Jamal Al Fayeed, at the behest of Ihab Rashid.","Barry: That is not why you're in prison. Why are you in prison? It's 12:30 at night and I'm asking you a question.","Hamid: But I just told you the answer.","Barry: No. You told me what you were told to tell me. What did they promise you? Who was it? General Tariq?","Hamid: General Tariq promised me nothing.","Barry: That they'd execute Ihab Rashid and in a couple of months you'd be out of here? 'Cause you know that's never gonna happen. Listen to me, you are in prison because you know too much, my friend. And I don't believe you're ever getting out of here.","Hamid: What do I know?","Barry: Well, at the very least... I think you know there was no ricin in that syringe. And I'm betting you've never even met Ihab Rashid.","Hamid: Yes, I...","Barry: No. See, I have a report right here that says the only thing in that syringe was bathroom cleanser. Now, I have to believe, if you really were working for Ihab Rashid, he's not gonna risk his one shot at my brother on tub and tile cleaner. How are your kids? Your two boys? They told you anything about them? They told you where they are? Have they even shown you a picture? I'm the president's brother, Hamid. And I pledge to you... even though we both know you tried to kill him... tell me what's really going on here and I will make sure that no matter what happens to you, your children will be cared for. That is my promise to you.","Hamid: Your brother is the devil! Your brother destroyed my life.","Barry: Okay, listen, I know that your wife and my brother...","Hamid: Your brother would come to my home whenever he felt like it. Take my wife. Do whatever he wanted with her, while me and my sons sit outside in the hall, listening to him grunt and groan. Guns pointed to our heads. When he leaves, she would cry until there were no more tears in her body. Week in and week out, over and over again.","Barry: You said she loved him.","Hamid: \"Loved him\"?!","(Hamid sobs)","We were at the market buying food when he saw her from his fancy car. He picked her out like a piece of meat. \"Loved him\"? Every time he leaves, she would bathe in scalding hot water just to burn his essence off her skin. And finally, one day, she came to me and told me, \"if he comes here one more time, I will kill myself.\" And I told her, \"no. This is backwards. We will kill him.\" \"We must kill him.\"","(Molly gasps)","Molly: What are you doing?","Barry: I don't think I can do this without you.","And I don't think I can not do this.","Molly: Are you okay? You look like you've been through a war. Is this you finally asking me to stay?","Barry: This is me pleading with you. I can't... do it by myself. It's so dark. Every time I, I think I've hit the bottom, there's a, there's another sub-basement. And I just need, I need one other sane person here that I can talk to, just-just one other sane person.","Molly: Okay. I'm here. We're all here as long as you need us. Okay? As long as it's safe.","Barry: Okay.","Molly: Yeah.","Barry: Okay. Okay. I'll be back.","Molly: Wait. Where you going? It's the middle of the night.","Barry: To make it safe.","Guard: It's your brother.","Jamal: What?","(both grunting)","Barry: Goddamn it, I don't know what the hell is wrong with you.","Jamal: Aah, Bassam, you're choking me! It's okay. He's my brother.","Barry: You could have anyone. But it had to be her, didn't it?","The weakest. The meekest. With her husband and her children within earshot. Why is it only satisfying for you to pummel the other person? Huh? That something you learned from dad?","(Jamal grunting)","(both yelling)","Leila: Stop it.","Stop it! What are you both doing?","Barry: You're insane.","Leila: Jamal, what is he talking about?","Jamal: Nothing that concerns you.","Barry: Oh, really? 'Cause I'd be interested to hear Leila's opinion on that. Why don't we ask her?","Leila: Yes, please. I would love that.","Jamal: No, it's between you and me. Listen, I know you are upset. If we could just talk, me and you. Please. Come. Brother, I know I have done bad things. But I am the president now. My wife is back home with me. You are back in Abbudin with me. I want to be a new man. And this will never happen again.","Barry: Why don't I believe that? You know that, in less than 24 hours, you're gonna hang an innocent man?","Jamal: No. Ihab Rashid is not an innocent man.","Barry: He's innocent of this. He had nothing to do with that woman.","Jamal: How do you know that?","Barry: Let's start with the fact that your witness was coerced and your evidence is completely fabricated.","Jamal: That is General Tariq's doing. I'm not necessarily aware of...","Barry: Stop it.","Jamal: The evidence is beside the point. Let's say there is no evidence. What difference does it make? The man is plotting the overthrow of my government. If he's not guilty of this, he's guilty of something else.","Barry: That's not how it works! This is the 21st century, okay? The whole world is watching and you're gonna get caught. And when people figure out that you knowingly killed this rock star of a rebel leader for a crime he didn't commit, you'll be staring at a full-blown revolution. They'll hang you, they'll hang your son. They'll hang me, if I'm still here. And not a country on the planet is gonna lift a finger to stop them.","Jamal: What do you want me to do? Just tell me what to do and I will do it. They are building the gallows. The Capitol is waiting for the pilgrims. The whole world is watching, as you say. What will you have me do? Open the jails and set everyone free?","Barry: Yeah. Yeah. We could start with that, sure.","Reporter: Apparently it's a new day in Abbudin. President Jamal Al Fayeed, in office less than a week since the death of his father, freed 30-some political prisoners today and admitted that the manhunt used as a pretext to round them up was based on the mistaken assumption that their leader was involved in an assassination attempt on the President's life...","Bassam: You have to apologize. You have to say you're sorry.","Barry: Those two children already lost their mother. Now, I need to know they'll be cared for. You have to guarantee they'll be cared for. Money, schooling... We're talking a million dollars. In a trust fund. Irrevocable.","Jamal: This is some bargain you are brokering, brother. And what do I get?","Barry: You get me... here... with you... helping to fix this place. Oh, yeah. And you get a body to hang.","(Jamal sighs)","Leila: Is everything okay?","You worked out what you needed with Bassam?","Jamal: It was nothing. A passing storm. We are brothers. Brothers fight. It was nothing.","(sighs) (grunts)"],"Show Title":"Tyrant","Episode Number":"01x03","Episode Title":"My Brother's Keeper","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Veronica_Mars_01x02.json","Recap":["When Weevil is accused of credit card fraud, Veronica sets out to prove him innocent. At school, Veronica is put into Ms. Dent's journalism class, and finds she has a flat tire after class. Veronica accepts a car ride with her ex-boyfriend Duncan, which turns out to be very awkward. Troy Vandegraff arrives in town and enrolls in Neptune High. Veronica also discovers that a red light camera picture proves Lilly was alive hours after her official time of death. Paris Hilton guest stars as Caitlin Ford, Logan's girlfriend."],"Transcript":["VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars Veronica watching Duncan's table at school.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: I used to sit there. The only reason I was allowed past the velvet ropes was Duncan Kane. He used to be my boyfriend. Flashback to a long haired Veronica and Duncan walking down the school hallway. Flashback to car wash.","LILLY: I've got a secret, a good one. Flashback to the Kane residence the night of Lilly's murder.","VERONICA: [Kneeling before Duncan] Duncan, what happened? Duncan is completely unresponsive. Veronica looks around and then back at Duncan.","VERONICA: Where's Lilly? Veronica runs out to the pool and sees Lilly's body. Keith is there too.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: But you already know how this part of the story ends. The murder of Lilly Kane. And that bungling local sheriff you heard about, was my dad.","Cut to Veronica entering Mars Investigations.","LAWYER VOICEOVER: Your dad's out tracking down bail jumpers half the time","Cut to Veronica and the lawyer in the office.","LAWYER: and yet somehow all the cases that come in here still get handled. How is that?","Quick flashes of: Veronica on the phone, Veronica working the camcorder in her car, Veronica with a long lens camera in her car. Cut back to Veronica at the office.","VERONICA: We're efficient. End Previously. Scene opens with a shot of the outside of the school, students fast forwarding, then settles inside where Veronica is opening her locker.","WALLACE: Another big Friday night. You got plans?","VERONICA: I don't know. I might take Backup for a run or rent a movie maybe.","WALLACE: Congratulations. You're officially Neptune High's most boring person.","VERONICA: Did I mention the movie might be PG-13?","WALLACE: Ow! Jump back wild child.","VERONICA: What about you Wallace? Your life still a non-stop Nelly video?","WALLACE: Hey, at least I want my life to be a non-stop Nelly video.","VERONICA: What do you propose?","WALLACE: This. As Veronica finishes up at her locker, Wallace produces a pink sheet of paper with the word \"Blowout\" on it and a number of symbols. They carry on down the hall and outside.","WALLACE: I found this on the floor in gym.","VERONICA: You want to crash an 09er party?","WALLACE: Maybe. I don't know what an 09er is.","VERONICA: It's someone who lives in the prestigious 90909 zip code.","WALLACE: Look. You can't even tell who's put on it. You don't know when it starts, where it is or nothing.","VERONICA: That's 'cause it's all in code. The moon tells you it starts when it gets dark","WALLACE: Ah.","VERONICA: the hourglass indicates sand which means it's the beach, the Ks and the 9s tell you it's more specifically Dog Beach.","WALLACE: And the little eggs?","VERONICA: Friday. It's in code so undesirables, which by the way is you and me, don't show up.","WALLACE: How do you know all this?","VERONICA: 'Cause I used to be one of them.","Cut to a night time beach party. Korn's cover of \"Word Up\" plays, drink flows and a bonfire burns. Duncan is in a car, surveying the party in the company of another boy.","DUNCAN'S FRIEND: What do you say, dog? You ready to get this party started? You ready to burn this mother down. Up, jump the boogie.","DUNCAN: [laughs] My plan? And I haven't worked this out entirely yet so bear with me, was to raise the roof.","DUNCAN'S FRIEND: See that is so you man, Mr Old School.","DUNCAN: Me Old School? You're the one who wanted to come down and get jiggy wid' it.","DUNCAN'S FRIEND: Yeah.","DUNCAN: So, uh, wanna go meet the locals or what?","DUNCAN'S FRIEND: As long as they're humble, god-fearing, salt of the earth types.","DUNCAN: Every last one. They head out of the car to hit the party.","SONG: Everybody say When you hear the call you got to get it under way Word up (ahh ahh) It's the call, word No matter where you say it You know that you'll be heard","Logan is already there with a vacuous blonde.","LOGAN: Nah, I think you look great in pink. He spots them as they get to the bonfire.","LOGAN: Yo, DK.","SONG: Now while you suck DJs Who think you're blind","Duncan joins Logan and the girl and he and Logan slap hands.","LOGAN: Hey, who's your date, man.","DUNCAN: Oh","LOGAN'S GIRL: It's Troy Vandergraff. His father's the architect who built the County Museum.","LOGAN: Oh. Well aren't you the little social columnist.","DUNCAN: Troy, this is Logan. [Troy and Logan shake hands] I guess you already know Caitlin.","TROY: Yeah, from the marina, right?","CAITLIN: So aren't you supposed to be going back east for school?","TROY: Change of plans. The parents decided they were going to be staying in So Cal so I am enrolling here on Monday.","CAITLIN: Yay.","LOGAN: Well, lucky us, huh?","DUNCAN: So how's the party doing, man? A commotion starts up behind them and they turn to see Weevil, Felix and a couple of other bikes heading through the party towards the fire. Felix starts messing with some of the girls who are dancing.","FELIX: Whoa, huh. Like this? Just like this. [As the girls push him away] What? Time for S'Mores?","WEEVIL: [Drinking the party beer] This is the good stuff. Ymmm. [To Logan on his approach] Is this imported?","LOGAN: This is a private party, man.","WEEVIL: Oh, oh, is it? I-I-I'm sorry. I must have been confused. Hey, l-let me ask you something. Have I ever asked if you if I could come play through at Torrey Pines? Have you ever run into me surfing down at Cape Crescent? Bro'? Huh? Have you ever even once come home to find us throwing the kegger in your backyard? No? Then what the hell do you think you are doing on our beach?","LOGAN: Am I supposed to apologise? Am I supposed to shake in my boots?","WEEVIL: Maybe.","LOGAN: Look around you, man. It ain't 15 on four tonight. [Turns] Hey Caitlin. Baby you've been to my house a bunch, right?","CAITLIN: Yep","LOGAN: It's nice, right? It's clean, well kept","CAITLIN: Very","LOGAN: Yeah. Do you wanna know why? It's because Weevil's grandma keeps it that way. [Party crowd woo-hoos] She-she is a good little worker, your grandma, yeah, spick and span.","WEEVIL: Ummm.","WEEVIL'S TALLER COMPANION: [Hard laugh] Yeah. It's a tough job, you know. Grandma says you go through a box of tissue a day. Your room alone.","LOGAN: [Laughing] Well, what can I say? She's a very sexy lady. Thank you. The face-off is interrupted by the sound of the siren from the Sheriff's car. He broadcasts.","SHERIFF LAMB: This is the Sheriff's Department. I want your ID's out. Everyone remain where you are. Everyone scatters. Lamb puts down the microphone.","DEPUTY SACKS: We gonna go after them?","SHERIFF LAMB: No. Let's get out, get the kegs. Tell the guys cook-out at my place tomorrow night.","Cut to Weevil's. He and his relative (same grandmother) are playing an American football video game on the TV and two smaller children are running about. The little boy blocks Weevil's view, giving his cousin an advantage.","WEEVIL'S RELATIVE: Yeah, uh-huh, yeah. [To one of the children blocking Weevil's view of the screen] Stay right there, stay right there.","WEEVIL: Move your ass little man, come on. I'm losing. There's banging at the front door.","SHERIFF LAMB: Sheriff's Department. Open up.","WEEVIL'S GRANDMOTHER: What did you boys do?","WEEVIL'S RELATIVE: Don't worry about it Grandma, we'll handle it, all right?","WEEVIL'S GRANDMOTHER: Oh dear! She stands back as Weevil and his relative get the door. Sheriff Lamb is there with his deputy.","WEEVIL: I guess you busted all those rich kids already, huh?","SHERIFF LAMB: [To Deputy Sacks] Go in. [To Weevil and his relative] Boys. [Holding up the warrant so they and Mrs Navarro can see it] Letitia Navarro, I got a warrant for your arrest. You need to come with us.","WEEVIL: Oh, come on. What's you problem, officer. If you want me, be a man about it, bro.","WEEVIL'S RELATIVE: [Simultaneously with Weevil] You're crazy. Where you gonna take her, huh? [On his own] What are the charges?","SHERIFF LAMB: Credit card fraud. Lamb walks out leaving the deputy to escort a stunned Mrs Navarro.","MRS NAVARRO: [Breathlessly] Well, I Weevil follows Lamb outside. The others follow behind.","WEEVIL: Credit ca-? She doesn't even have any credit cards, man!","SHERIFF LAMB: Not in her own name, no. [Getting in Weevil's face] But somebody took credit card offers out of the Echolls family trash. They opened up accounts. They rang up charges. You heard anything about that? [To get Weevil's attention as he turned to look at his relative] Hey! Nah, I didn't think so. 'Cause it would take a major league loser to let a sweet old lady like that do his time for him. Lamb slaps the warrant onto Weevil's chest and turns to get into his vehicle. Weevil looks back at the children, watching from the top of the steps.","WEEVIL: [To his relative] Get them inside, man.","Cut to Veronica at her desk in the main office. The door to Keith's office is open and the lawyer is in with him. Veronica is listening.","LAWYER: Listen to this list of charges to the card - half dozen video games, limo rides, Magic Mountain tickets, motorcycle gear. It goes on like that. I sincerely doubt my client, Mrs Navarro, suddenly decides to steal from the Echolls after ten years of loyal service just so she can get herself a new piercing from 'Puddy Tats'.","KEITH: It's gotta be the kid, Eli Navarro. [To Veronica who has moved herself to the door jamb] What do they call him?","VERONICA: Weevil.","LAWYER: Oh, clearly it's Weevil. Lamb doesn't even believe it's Mrs Navarro but the PO Box where the merchandise was sent was in her name plus she was wearing a diamond pendant purchased with one of the phoney cards.","VERONICA: Lamb could have set Weevil up, he hates him you know.","KEITH: Honey, I started picking up Eli Navarro when he was 12.","VERONICA: He just helped me out of a jam recently, that's all.","LAWYER: Look, I'm sure he's a real mensch but I've got a grandma in jail and I'd really like to get her out.","KEITH: We'll dive in, thanks Cliff [shaking hands as Cliff leaves] [To Veronica] Honey, he goes to your school. You mind taking point on this for a few days at least. I'm working on something.","VERONICA: I'll see what I can find.","Cut to Veronica pulling up at Weevil's house. It's night. As she voiceovers, she gets out of the car and walks over to examine Weevil's bike.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: The trouble with befriending the leader of a motorcycle gang is that at the end of the day, he's still the leader of a motorcycle gang. And as much as I'd like to believe differently, I doubt it's his grandmother who's buying video games and paying for new motorcycle paint jobs.","WEEVIL: [From offscreen as he exits the house] I've hospitalised people for less than what you're doing right now.","VERONICA: What? Admiring your paint job?","WEEVIL: No, what you're doing and admiring my paint job isn't it.","VERONICA: I'm just following up on a few things for the lawyer who's representing your grandma.","WEEVIL: Yeah, I met the guy. He says I should confess.","VERONICA: Do you think you will?","WEEVIL: I've got nothing to say to you, man.","VERONICA: Weevil, your Grandma's in jail.","WEEVIL: Oh, ar-are you reminding me 'cause I almost forgot.","VERONICA: I'm just saying with your reputation, you can't blame McCormack for thinking that-","WEEVIL: My reputation? Oh well then I guess what everybody says about you is true too, huh? That you, you like it a little freaky, don't you. That you spy on Duncan Kane. That you send him pictures of yourself. Be honest Veronica. You think you're this big outsider but, push comes to shove, you're still one of them. You still think like one of them. Take off. I don't want you around here. [Turns his back on her and walks back to the house.] Opening credits. Scene opens at a diner. Keith and Veronica are sitting in a booth. The counter is behind them and the entrance beyond that. Veronica has a cap on and is writing in a notebook. Keith is eating breakfast and looking at the paper.","KEITH: Are you gonna wear that cap inside? At the table?","VERONICA: Do you think I'm offending someone? [Looks around] In here?","KEITH: Simple etiquette, that's all. Veronica ruefully removes her cap. Sheriff Lamb and Deputy Sacks enter the diner. Lamb spots and heads for the Mars' for some sport while the deputy stays up at the counter.","SHERIFF LAMB: Well look who's here. Ahhhh, [sitting at their booth] if it isn't my predecessor and mentor. How's the dirty picture biz, boss?","KEITH: [Looking at his newspaper] Looks like it's better than being Sheriff, actually. Yeah, you got a killer on the loose, Lamb. [Reads] In a daring daylight escape, Ray Lee Hampstead, denied bail earlier this week after his arrest for manslaughter, broke out the back windshield of a Balboa County's Sheriff's Department cruiser and fled on foot.","SHERIFF LAMB: Meeks and Johnson lost him. I think those are two guys you hired.","KEITH: [To Veronica] You hear that, honey? That's leadership. [To Lamb] Way to stand up on your own two feet, Lamb and say, hey, the buck stoooops there.","SHERIFF LAMB: You know what's coming up October 3rd. Are you doing anything special to mark the one year anniversary of Lilly Kane's murder? Got it. Dress like a Sheriff and crucify some poor, grieving father, just for old time's sake, you know?","KEITH: Tell me again how you solved the crime of the century. Now wait a minute, I remember, I remember. An anonymous tip leads you to the supposed killer's houseboat. Did anybody show up to collect the $100,000 reward for that information? Do'ya find that strange?","SHERIFF LAMB: No. What about your theory? Jake Kane murders his own daughter. We've got an eyewitness and phone records that have him nowhere near the house. And all the Kanes in fact were accounted for at the time of the murder. [Keith smiles] Hmm, [bending his ear forward] what's that? Nothing to say to that, right? [To the deputy at the counter] Sacks, we got our order ready? [Leaves the table]","KEITH: Good luck with that fugitive Don.","VERONICA: Smell ya, later.","KEITH: Smell ya later?","VERONICA: [Packing up her books and recapping] I gotta run. The counsellor wants to see me before class.","KEITH: About what?","VERONICA: [Standing] Uh, my schedule and my attitude, not necessarily in that order. Her words. Veronica kisses her father and leaves. Cut to the school office as Veronica leaves the Counsellor's office and heads for the main counter. Troy Vandergraff is also waiting at the counter and checks her out.","TROY: [In fake British accent] Giv'us a smile, luv.","COUNSELLOR: [Offscreen] Troy Vandegraff. Troy smiles at a responsive Veronica and heads for the Counsellor's Office. Veronica collects a slip from the counter and turns to leave, running into Wallace on his way in.","VERONICA: What are you doing in here?","WALLACE: Oh hey. I signed up for diving but there were only like four people in class so they cancelled it, stuck me in here. So don't you mess with me, all right? I'm an Office Aide.","VERONICA: That's great!","WALLACE: Yeah, for who?","VERONICA: For me. I need you to copy all of Weevil's attendance records from this past month and get them to me.","WALLACE: Do I look like James Bond to you?","VERONICA: Am I asking you to retrieve a nuclear warhead? No. Just copy the attendance records. It's cake. Facile. Wallace smiles as Veronica leaves. Cut to Veronica entering a classroom. There is a notice on the door: \"Student Publications - Ms Dent\".","MS DENT: [To a student] why don't you bring the caption down. See how it works.","STUDENT: OK","MS DENT: [Seeing Veronica] Can I help you with something?","VERONICA: Ah, yeah. The counsellor stuck me in here. [Hands a sheet to Ms Dent] She says I'm disconnected and passionless.","CAITLIN: Miss Dent?","MS DENT: Caitlin?","CAITLIN: I'm gonna go down to the gym to talk to people for the student poll.","MS DENT: Be back by the end of the period. And remember that we are a multicultural school with a diverse population of students from a wide range of socio-economic backgrounds.","CAITLIN: Meaning?","MS DENT: Meaning don't just interview your friends.","Caitlin rolls her eyes before departing.","MS DENT: So Veronica, welcome to newspaper class.","VERONICA: I was thinking maybe I could just take pictures?","MS DENT: Well I'm not sure if you can just do that but we can start you there. Do you have any experience with a camera?","VERONICA: Yeah. Some.","MS DENT: This is a 35mm camera. Now my suggestion is you're starting out is just to set it on auto and that way you-","VERONICA: I'd really be more comfortable if I could just use my own camera [pulling out a serious camera] Um, the swivel LCD really comes in handy when you're doing overhead shooting or ground level macro- shooting.","MS DENT: [Bemused] Right.","VERONICA: The optical zoom actually goes up to 71.2mm and it's good to have the raw file option because you can mess with the images post-exposure without nearly the loss of image quality you'd get with a JPEG file.","MS DENT: And when it's dark outside, you should-you should use a flash. [Both laugh] I have your first assignment. Are you free after school tomorrow?","VERONICA: I guess.","MS DENT: We're doing a feature on Bodie Chang, you know him?","VERONICA: Surfer. Up until 20 minutes ago, I was in study hall with him.","MS DENT: That's the guy. So he's winning all these competitions. He's got another one up at Gold Coast. Let me introduce you to the guy who's doing the story. [Leaning over partition] Duncan Kane, this is Veronica. [Oblivious to the discomfort of both] Veronica's going to be taking pictures tomorrow and I arranged for you to ride with Bodie's parents.","DUNCAN: I'll drive.","MS DENT: Great, maybe Veronica can-","VERONICA: I can drive too.","MS DENT: OK. Oil crisis be damned. Veronica sees Wallace in the doorway. He has the attendance records. Cut to them at the table outside. Veronica is going through the records.","VERONICA: Look at this. Half of these credit card purchases are online orders and the ones that were made on school days were made between 11am and 12pm. That's 4th period.","WALLACE: Yeah, you realise don't you that this guy you're trying to help out, duct taped me butt naked to a flagpole just last week.","VERONICA: Man, you really hold a grudge.","WALLACE: Yeah, I'm funny that way. [Tetchy] Hey you're welcome for those records.","VERONICA: Wallace, King Kong ain't got nothin' on you.","WALLACE: How you know [laughing].","VERONICA: But think about this. How can a guy who according to these records was in autoshop seven of the eight days these purchases were made manage to make on-line orders.","WALLACE: Aren't you supposed to be trying to prove he did it? So you can get his grandma out of jail.","VERONICA: But it's impossible. There's no internet connection in autoshop.","WALLACE: It can't be hard for him to just slip out of there.","VERONICA: Seven times? Wallace sees the point. Cut to Veronica entering Mars Investigations. She can hear her father talking.","KEITH: Yeah but his arraignment isn't until Monday.","VERONICA: I don't think he did it. Keith and Cliff McCormack are standing by the main office desk as Veronica joins them.","KEITH: Who didn't do what?","VERONICA: Weevil. Listen, I was looking through the attendance records at school and I just don't think it's possible-","KEITH: Veronica.","VERONICA: Yeah?","KEITH: Cliff's just got back from the courthouse.","CLIFF (WAS LAWYER): They released Letty Navarro a couple of hours ago.","VERONICA: That's great.","CLIFF: They released her because Eli 'Weevil' Navarro came in and confessed to the crime.","Cut to the school newspaper classroom. Veronica is sitting at a computer screen. Beyond her Logan is lounging back in his chair, talking to Caitlin.","LOGAN: No seriously, how difficult is it to find good help these days.","CAITLIN: What are you going to do about your housekeeper situation?","LOGAN: We had to let her go. If you can't trust your domestics, you don't feel safe in your own home.","CAITLIN: I won't miss her. She was totally rude to me every time I was over there.","VERONICA: Did you guys know that 90% of all identity theft is committed by relatives of the victim? That's an interesting fact. At least I think so.","CAITLIN: But you know what? No one cares what you think Veronica Mars. Not any more. Not since you stabbed all your friends in the back.","VERONICA: You seem to care a bit what I think.","LOGAN: Tell the truth Veronica. Did you just sign up for newspaper so you could be around Duncan.","VERONICA: No. I'm here so I can be closer to you. In fact they're thinking of putting me in your 4th period government class.","CAITLIN: We've got computer lab 4th period.","VERONICA: Oh shoot. My loss. [She smiles to herself]","Cut to the school lunch area. Veronica is looking through papers as Wallace comes to join her.","WALLACE: What'cha got there, V?","VERONICA: I printed out the entire browser history from Logan Echolls' computer in his 4th period computer lab class.","WALLACE: So, is he guilty?","VERONICA: Well of wanting desperately to see pictures of Alyssa Milano naked, yes. But of making bogus credit card charges, I don't think so. Wait, the Neptune Grand. Logan visited the Neptune Grand Hotel website. He didn't make reservations online but","WALLACE: But","VERONICA: But there's a charge on the credit card for the honeymoon suite.","Cut to the school parking lot. The music is \"Hi Lo\" by Hometown Hero. Veronica notices a flat tyre. Logan rolls his apple on the boot lid and pauses before walking on.","LOGAN: Bummer.","SONG: Aren't I looking good Don't you think it's funny This is how You'll make all your money","[Not dechipherd] Come on dear, yeah, come on dear","[Not dechipherd]","Veronica watches him go join the snobby crowd. Later, Veronica is changing the tyre. Troy approaches.","TROY: Flat?","VERONICA: Just as God made me.","TROY: Are you always this persnickity?","VERONICA: Sometimes I'm even persnickity-er. I'm supposed to be taking surf competition photos in Gold Coast in 30 minutes and this is my second mysterious flat since school started.","TROY: Well here, I mean, let me help you. I'm Troy, by the way.","VERONICA: I'm Veronica.","TROY: Really. Veronica. OK, yeah, that-that does make a lot more sense.","VERONICA: M-makes more sense how?","TROY: Aaa, it's nothing. I just, uh, should never listen to those guys. I mean really, who names a daughter Trampy McBitch. They laugh and get on with the tyre. Caitlin motors over to Logan on a pink scooter.","CAITLIN: Hey","ONE OF THE 09ERS: Nice ride. Logan and Caitlin kiss.","LOGAN: Hey munch, how ya' doin'?","CAITLIN: Good.","LOGAN: Two miles on there.","CAITLIN: I know. It's new. [Sees Veronica and Troy]","LOGAN: It's cool. Been round school all day?","CAITLIN: What's Troy doing talking to Veronica?","LOGAN: What do you care?","CAITLIN: I don't, I just Has anyone told him? Duncan looks over and sees Veronica and Troy. He approaches.","DUNCAN: Hey Veronica, you need a ride? If we don't go now, we'll miss it.","VERONICA: Umm","TROY: Go ahead. I'll finish this up and throw the tools in the trunk.","DUNCAN: Chivalry not dead. Good to know. I'm right over here. Veronica grabs her stuff from the boot, smiles at Troy and heads for Duncan's car. Cut to Duncan and Veronica in his car heading for Gold Coast. Fountain of Wayne's \"Troubled Times\" is playing.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: I should have walked to Gold Coast. It's only 30 miles but with the awkward silence, it feels like 300.","SONG: When you think you've found something worth holding onto...","VERONICA VOICEOVER: In five seconds, I'm just going to do the Charlie's Angel roll right out of the moving car.","SONG: ...Were you reaching for attention, hoping she would notice you","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Five four three-","DUNCAN: Lilly loved this song.","SONG: ...Collecting bottles and thrown-away cans...","VERONICA: Yeah","Cut to flashback of Lilly and Veronica in the same car, Lilly driving.","LILLY: Why'd you join Pep Squad, Veronica?","VERONICA: Umm, the PE credit. You?","LILLY: Veronica, I suffer from too much pep. I needed a pep outlet. Plus Sassy says girls who join a club really get the fellas.","VERONICA: 'Cause you really need a lot of help on that front.","LILLY: Well, you know what my mom says. You have to kiss a few toads That's it. That's her entire philosophy.","VERONICA: All your mom ever says to me is: \"Veronica, shouldn't you be getting home soon?\"","LILLY: That sounds like her.","VERONICA: Why does she hate me?","LILLY: Um, it's not your fault. She would hate anyone she thought that Duncan might love as much as her. Friendly advice. Watch her. She'll break the two of you up if she can.","SONG: Pining away every hour in your room Rolling with the motion... Cut back to present.","SONG: waiting til it's opportune... Veronica sees something out of the window.","VERONICA: Slow down.","SONG: Sitting there watching time fly past you... It's Weevil on a work crew, cleaning up the side of the road. They stare at each other.","SONG: ...Why do tomorrow what you could never do. Abrupt change in tempo as Longwave's \"Here It Comes\" blasts an accompaniment to the action at the beach. Surf's up, Veronica takes pictures, Duncan takes notes and they confer before heading out.","SONG: Something's coming over me I'm so tired I can't see The face is all the same when you're wasted Everything is like the last That you're always moving fast The colours in the end are amazing.","Cut to them on the road again, now dark. The awkward silence is back. A siren sounds and lights flash behind them.","DUNCAN: Wonderful. Duncan pulls up at the side of the road. Deputy Sacks approaches Duncan's side of the car and shines his flashlight into the car.","DEPUTY SACKS: Licence and registration. [On Duncan handing them over] Can I have the two of you step out of the car.","DUNCAN: Is there a problem?","DEPUTY SACKS: Got an impound notice on this vehicle. Bunch of parking tickets and a moving violation dated October 3rd. Duncan and Veronica look at each other in some consternation. Cut to Duncan, now out of the car on the driver's side, speaking into a mobile.","DUNCAN: They want to impound the car. Guess there were a bunch of tickets. [Listening, then] No. Not mine. Lilly's. Veronica doing the same on the other side of the car.","VERONICA: Just outside of town on the PCH. About a mile from the Real Inn. [Pausing for response] It's a long story. I'll tell you when you get here. Both pocket their mobiles. Cut to a little later. The impound vehicle has arrived as has Jake Kane who heads for the deputy.","DEPUTY SACKS: Pull it round the front.","IMPOUND DRIVER: Ready to go.","DEPUTY SACKS: Yeah. I've already got it in neutral.","JAKE KANE: [Calling] Officer! Officer, ah, have you called this into the Sheriff?","DEPUTY SACKS: Aah, no sir. We generally don't call in routine traffic violations.","JAKE KANE: Well, all right, why don't you give him a shout. [Heading for his son] Duncan? Did you get everything out of- [Sees Veronica] Hello, Veronica.","VERONICA: Mr Kane. Keith has pulled up behind the police car and walks towards Veronica. He puts his arm around his daughter.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: The last time my dad and Jake Kane were in the same place at the same time, [Kane and Keith look uncomfortably at each other across the top of the car] was in a Sheriff's Department interrogation room. [Flashback to the interrogations] When Jake finished his story, Dad told the most powerful man in town that he was sure he was somehow involved in his own daughter's death. Flashback to the steps of the Sheriff's Department. Jake and Duncan are surrounded by reporters and cameramen.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Jake went to the press, the adoring press, tears in his eyes and told the world how much he missed his baby and how he was wrongfully accused.","Cut to the inside the Sheriff's Department as Keith collects his things together.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: The fine people of Neptune gathered their pitchforks and torches, stormed the County Commissioner's Office and ran Dad out of office. [Flashback to party] My friends got on the bandwagon as well. [Flashback to the school outdoor seating area where a bag is strategically moved to deny access] They gave me a choice. I could stand by my dad [Flash of Caitlin on her pink scooter, Logan with the tire iron, Duncan with another girl at the party] or stand by Duncan and my dead best friend's family. [Cut to Veronica doing a lonely school hall walk as Duncan ignores her as she passes] I chose Dad. It's a decision I live with every day. [Cut back to the scene by the side of the road] And you want to know the kicker? [Veronica and Keith head back to Keith's car as Kane has words with his son] I don't even know what's true anymore. Maybe everyone else is right. Maybe Dad screwed up the investigation. Maybe I gave up my circle of friends, my life over an error in Dad's judgement.","DEPUTY SACKS: [To impound driver] Hold on, we're not going to move the car, okay. [To Kane, apologetic] So sorry Mr Kane, I had no idea.","JAKE KANE: Thank you.","Cut to Keith and Veronica in the car.","KEITH: So? What's up? You and Duncan starting to hang out again?","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Yeah, I'll tell you the details of my personal life if you tell me why you went after Jake Kane when to everyone else he was a heart-broken father.","KEITH: Honey? Are you and Duncan star-","VERONICA: No. School assignment, that's all. Can we stop by the Neptune Grand?","KEITH: What for?","VERONICA: The Navarro case. I need a little help.","KEITH: Isn't that already solved? I thought that they had the confessed criminal in jail. [Off Veronica's look] Oh, all right. Fine. What do you need me to do? Veronica smiles. Cut to the Neptune Grand. Keith is leading Veronica through the foyer by the wrist. Keith plays agitated as he makes his way to reception.","KEITH: Excuse me. [They reach reception.] We need to talk to somebody in security right now. [Impatiently and loudly] Right now! The receptionist is intimidated.","VERONICA: [Whispering loudly to Keith] Dad! Will you just back off and let me handle it?","KEITH: [Angrily] You handle it or I handle it but we're gonna get to the bottom of this, right now.","VERONICA: [To Keith] No! You just stand over there. You're scaring people. [To the receptionist] Hi. I'm really hoping you can help me with this.","RECEPTIONIST: What seems to be the problem?","VERONICA: I came in here about a month ago with a guy Long story short, I'm pregnant.","KEITH: Gee.","RECEPTIONIST: O-kay?","VERONICA: Um, here's the thing. The next part's a little embarrassing. I don't remember the guy's name. [Keith growls] Or what he looks like. Tequilla? Never again [chuckles] My dad's wondering if there's any sort of surveillance video we could take a look at or Here's the credit card bill. He had me pay for the room.","RECEPTIONIST: Let me go talk to my manager. The receptionist leaves and Keith and Veronica pass a congratulatory look.","KEITH: That was good. [They move back from the desk] What?","VERONICA: You were a [gestures] little bit over the top.","KEITH: You think it worked? A little bit. I can bring it down. [Veronica repeats her gesture] You try it. You try being bad cop.","VERONICA: Don't make me laugh [laughing]","KEITH: It's easier being good cop than it is bad cop. The receptionist returns with a bill which she lays on the counter.","RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry but we only keep video surveillance for two weeks [Off Veronica's distraught hands to face] but I did get your detailed bill summary.","VERONICA: [Chirpy] Oh, thanks. [To Keith] Guess who signed for room service in a room charged to the Echolls family credit card?","KEITH: Who?","VERONICA: Logan's girlfriend, Caitlin Ford.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cut to the school newspaper office. Veronica arrives from one direction just as Logan is coming in from another.","VERONICA: [As Logan passes] I know it was you.","LOGAN: Ha, ha. What was me?","VERONICA: You stole your mom's credit cards but you made a mistake when you went to the Hotel Neptune Grand 'cause you let Caitlin sign for the room service tab.","LOGAN: Well that's great. Prove it. As Logan walks away from her, his face loses its bravado.","MS DENT: Veronica! I want to show you something. What do you think? It is the cover of the Neptune High School Navigator. Veronica's picture of Chang surfing covers the front page with the caption \"Chang Ten\" and \"story by Duncan Kane, photos by Veronica Mars\".","VERONICA: Wow!","MS DENT: Pretty cool, huh?","VERONICA: Yeah. Ms Dent smiles. Veronica stares proudly back at her by-line. Cut to the Sheriff's Department. Lamb stands with one of his deputies.","KEITH: [Offscreen] Wanted man, coming through. Lamb turns to see Keith leading the burly escaped prisoner whose photo was shown in the newspaper in the diner.","KEITH: [To Lamb] I believe you misplaced this.","SHERIFF LAMB: [To the deputy] Tommy, go on, get him to holding.","DEPUTY TOMMY: [Taking the escapee away] Right, let's go.","KEITH: You don't think we should alert the media, I mean take some pictures. I thought that was standard operating procedure here now. [On Lamb's failure to rise to the bait, turning to Inga] Hi, Inga. How are Trixie and Bud?","INGA: Trixie just had puppies. There's still one left.","SHERIFF LAMB: [Interrupting] That's all.","KEITH: Now do you plan on cutting the reward cheque personally or should I talk to Cathy down in accounts payable? [Lamb silently turns and walks back to his office] Shall I follow you? Lamb looks back but doesn't respond. Keith heads out. Cut to the schoolyard lunch area. Veronica and Wallace are sitting at their table as Troy comes up behind them and sits down next to Veronica.","VERONICA: That's so typical.","WALLACE: Yeah, yeah.","TROY: How's that spare tire holding out?","VERONICA: Aah. There it is, the quid pro quo.","TROY: Hey, this great nation of ours was built on quid pro quo. I am having a party on Saturday and you should come. Well, both of you.","WALLACE: Cool.","TROY: But, especially you.","VERONICA: Haven't you heard? I'm not allowed in the first class cabin.","TROY: Look. Uh, I don't believe in much but I do believe in this. When sexy, sassy girls can't come to a shindig of mine, it's time for all parties involved to stand up and just admit that, hey, maybe I was a little bit wrong or sorry. I mean let bygones be bygones, screw pride. Let's dance [grooves] baby, let's dance.","WALLACE: That was beautiful, man.","VERONICA: We'll see.","TROY: An open mind. That's all I ask. [Troy leaves]","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Is it that easy? Saying maybe I was wrong and get my old life back? Logan passes and gives Veronica a gesture. She packs her bag.","WALLACE: Where you off to, superfly?","VERONICA: I'm gonna nail that sucker. Logan joins Duncan in another area. They handslap and he sits on a low wall. He sees Caitlin talking to Troy.","LOGAN: And this kid Troy, how long have you known him?","DUNCAN: Oh, a few years. His family has the slip next to ours down at the marina. They usually come in August. Stay the month. They move around a lot. You know, wherever his dad has a project. Hey, I'm going to get a burrito. Want something?","LOGAN: [Staring at Troy and Caitlin, shakes his head] Nothing.","DUNCAN: Well you are in charge of your girlfriend's purse. Duncan hands Logan a pink handbag as he leaves. Cut to Veronica in the newspaper office. She is examining the credit card charge list which includes seven telephone numbers. She pulls out her own mobile and dials the first number.","TELEPHONE: Hello! And thank you for calling Movieline. She rings off and crosses through the number. Meanwhile, Logan spots Caitlin's mobile in her bag. He palms it and look at the 'Call Records' while keeping a wary eye on Caitlin and Troy. He runs down a list of numbers. Back to Veronica.","TELEPHONE: [Female voice] Hello?","VERONICA: Yeah, hi. Uh, this number appeared on my cell phone bill and I don't recognise it. Can you tell me who this is?","TELEPHONE: It's Jesse Ford. And who's this? Veronica cuts off the call. She crosses off this latest number and is down to the last one. It's 619-555-0136. This is the same number that Logan has now highlighted on Caitlin's phone.","LOGAN: [To himself] Who's she calling at one in the morning? Veronica punches in the number, Logan hits the return button. He gets through as Veronica gets a busy signal. Logan continues to observe Troy and Caitlin as he waits for an answer.","TELEPHONE: [Male voice] Ah, hey baby. Calling me during the school day, that's-that's daring. Logan holds the phone to his ear, says nothing but stands to look round to spot the speaker. Veronica makes another call.","VERONICA: Dad, hey. Can you run a cell phone number for me? Logan is still looking around. A lot of students are using their phones.","TELEPHONE: Baby? Hello? Baby? Ah, you want to play the silent game. [Laughs] Alright, baby, later we'll play a tickle game if you want. Logan finally spots him. It is Weevil's relative.","WEEVIL'S RELATIVE: That's cool baby, I'll just talk. I know you like it. I miss you mama. I can't wait to see you. Logan cuts off the call. He expels breath in a rueful grin, quickly replaced by an evil look. Cut to the school hallway where Logan and some 09er lackeys are purposefully heading for Weevil's relative who is walking ahead of them. Veronica intercepts him and pushes him into the girl's bathroom.","WEEVIL'S RELATIVE: Best watch it little girl.","VERONICA: Confess, it's good for the soul.","WEEVIL'S RELATIVE: What?","VERONICA: Moron says what.","WEEVIL'S RELATIVE: What?","VERONICA: You're busted, Chardo, do I have to spell it out for you?","CHARDO: Yeah, why don't you?","VERONICA: All right. So one day, you go to pick up your grandma at the Echolls house and she asks you to take out a bag of trash and there they are in front of you, virgin, high-limit, pre-approved credit card applications. Just phone in the confirmation code and start spending. Then you use Logan Echolls' family's credit cards to take out Caitlin Ford in the manner to which she's accustomed. Gourmet meals, five star hotels, limo rides. But the best part about it is that your cousin Weevil takes the fall for you. So you're promoted.","CHARDO: I didn't want that to happen. Weevil's like my brother.","VERONICA: Your brother's out picking up trash on the highway.","CHARDO: You know what? It's killing me, okay? But you see, I got a plan.","VERONICA: I'm all ears.","CHARDO: Caitlin and me. We're gonna run away. [On Veronica's laugh, with feeling] We are and once we're gone, then I'll write a confession, I'll send it back. They gotta let Weevil go then.","VERONICA: Chardo? Caitlin Ford is never gonna run away with you.","CHARDO: You don't know her.","VERONICA: Oh, I know her. She's a thrill seeker. Doing you was like doing the do and that's all it was. [As Chardo heads for the door] You can't go out there because Logan knows and he wants your head on a stick.","CHARDO: I ain't hiding, am I?","VERONICA: What are you going to do when Weevil finds out?","CHARDO: How's Weevil gonna find out.","VERONICA: [Quietly] You should turn yourself in.","CHARDO: I ain't going nowhere without her. [Sniffs] Caitlin and me, we love each other.","VERONICA: So tell me why every time I see her, Logan Echolls has his hands all over her. Chardo pauses with his back to Veronica before wrenching the door open and exiting the bathroom. Cut to Mrs Navarro's house where Veronica sits with her at a table.","VERONICA: I don't understand why you're doing it. You know that Chardo gave you that pendant but you're letting Weevil do the time for him?","MRS NAVARRO: Eli is still 17. Chardo is 18 and he's got a record. They'd send him to prison. Weevil can do four months of juvie.","VERONICA: Weevil thinks he's taking the fall for you.","MRS NAVARRO: [Dismissively] I have dinner to fix.","VERONICA: Do you know what he was doing with those credit cards? [Pulling out the list of credit card charges] He spent all that money, thousands of dollars, taking out a spoiled, rich, white girl. Logan Echolls' girlfriend. You must have met her. Caitlin Ford?","MRS NAVARRO: Iee no, not her. Huh! She doesn't like her ice cubes made with tap water.","VERONICA: You lost your job and now Weevil's doing time so that Chardo can take this girl out in style.","MRS NAVARRO: Let me see those receipts. Veronica hands them over. Cut to Weevil being dropped off home by a police car. His grandmother, who has been sitting on the porch with Veronica, races down the steps to meet him.","MRS NAVARRO: Eho. [They hug] Oh, it's so good to have you home.","WEEVIL: Veronica Mars, I hear you're to thank for this Kodak moment. Didn't you get the memo? The bad guy was already in jail. Gimme some love. [Hugs her]","MRS NAVARRO: Eho, I wanna make you something to eat.","WEEVIL: [As she goes into the house] Okay.","VERONICA: You should know. The judge issued a warrant for Chardo after authorising your release. They're out looking for him.","WEEVIL: Yeah, well. They won't be the only ones.","VERONICA: Logan and the 09er's are after Chardo too. You should find him before they do.","WEEVIL: We'll find them.","Cut to Chado, getting off his bike in front of the Ford residence. He is talking into his phone.","CHARDO: Baby, it's me. I'm outside. This is it. It's time to go, it's what we talked about. Caitlin! Look outside your window. I'm here. [Caitlin appears at the window and stares down at him] What's wrong, baby? Some 09ers have gathered behind Chardo.","CHARDO: Is everything okay? Some more 09ers step out from behind trees in front of him. Caitlin watches impassively from her window. He's surrounded. A car pulls up. Logan gets out.","LOGAN: [Addressing Chardo but looking up at Caitlin] Well. If it isn't the bad apple thinking he can steal my girl.","CHARDO: I already stole your girlfriend. You're just too dumb to know it. Logan punches him in the face and he goes down. Logan places his foot on Chardo's chest. Bikes can be heard coming closer and Weevil's gang come round the corner and stop. Logan increases the pressure of his foot on Chardo.","ONE OF THE 09ERS: Check it out man [indistinguishable].","CHARDO: Sweet music, huh? [Leers]","LOGAN: [To the 09ers] Hold him.","BLONDE 09ER: Don't move.","LOGAN: Well, I guess this is what they call inevitable, huh? Hey look, you even got home court advantage.","WEEVIL: Let's talk.","ONE OF THE 09ERS: What's up with that, man. The 09ers chatter as Weevil and Logan move off to talk privately and briefly.","LOGAN: [To the Blonde 09er holding Chardo down] Let him go.","BLONDE 09ER: Logan!","LOGAN: I said let him go. The 09ers are disappointed and grumble. Logan drives off as Chardo climbs back onto his bike. He looks back up at Caitlin who disappears back behind the curtains. Cut to the beach. Chardo is in the middle of the group, tapping fists as Weevil stands a little apart from them.","CHARDO: You're the man, you know what I'm saying. You were there for me. I like that. I appreciate it, you know what I'm saying. [To Weevil] Most of all to you man. I'm sorry you had to take the fall. I was gonna get you out. You and me, we're brothers. Chardo holds his hand up to grab Weevil's but Weevil ignores it and looks down at the ground.","WEEVIL: You're out. Out of the club. Out of my life. And you know what that means. Weevil turns his back and walks away from him as the gang move closer around Chardo.","CHARDO: Weevil, come on! Cous! Hey, let me make it up to you. Eli! Eli! The bikers start beating on him.","WEEVIL: Pull them off before they go too far.","FELIX: You got it boss. Felix joins the beating as Weevil rides off alone. Cut to the offices of Mars Investigations.","VERONICA: Dad?","KEITH: Yeah, honey.","VERONICA: What made you go after Jake Kane?","KEITH: What makes you ask?","VERONICA: Other than that question defines our very existence? I think if I knew more about the case and the evidence","KEITH: Honey, it's ugly. I want thoughts of Lilly's death out of your head. I don't wanna pour more into it.","VERONICA: I can handle it.","KEITH: Let's look at it this way. If I knew what would happen to us, that your mom would leave, that school would get tougher for you, I never would have pursued Jake Kane the way I did.","VERONICA: I still wanna know.","KEITH: I know you do. Let's go home.","Cut to Veronica walking into the Sheriff's Department.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: A couple of weeks before Lilly was murdered and Dad was still Sheriff, she and I snuck into the backroom and made ourselves fake IDs so we could get into clubs. I had them sent to my house. The arrived days after her body was discovered. I stuck them in a drawer and forgot about them until the deputy mentioned Lilly's October 3rd ticket. The good thing about visiting the Sheriff's Department on a Sunday, is that most of the people who work on weekends don't remember me. They're new.","NOT INGA: Is there something I can help you with?","VERONICA: Yeah, the insurance company called my dad and said we had an outstanding ticket. Um, there's the licence number.","NOT INGA: OK and can I see your ID? Veronica pulls out an ID and hands it over just as Lamb comes up behind her. Not Inga gestures 'just a minute' and walks away from the counter.","SHERIFF LAMB: What are you doing here?","VERONICA: I'm just paying off a ticket. [As he walks away] Hey, any luck finding Chardo Navarro? No? You should talk to my dad, he's really good at that sort of thing.","SHERIFF LAMB: You got a smart mouth, kid. Veronica smiles sweetly and shrugs. Lamb heads into his office just as Not Inga returns.","NOT INGA: Yeah, I don't think there's any wiggle room on this one.","VERONICA: Thanks. I'll mail in the payment.","NOT INGA: All right, Miss Kane. Sorry 'bout the bad news. Lamb pops his head out of the office, unsure of what he heard (or not). Cut to a close up of the information Veronica has collected. It is a copy of both a ticket and photos of the licence plate of Lilly's car and one of her driving. She is smiling broadly. Veronica is sitting at one of the school outdoor tables.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: I haven't gone more than 30 minutes without glancing at the ticket. One of those automated intersection cameras caught Lilly running a red light at 6:02PM, almost two hours after her supposed time of death. I don't know if it's the photo of Lilly, singing and smiling on the final day of her life that's been haunting me or the fact that suddenly none of the Kanes have alibis that hold up - Jake, Celeste, even Duncan. Dad was right. The case doesn't add up. I made a choice a long time ago. Stand by Dad or stand by the people tearing him down. Troy sits down next to her. She folds the ticket away.","TROY: You didn't make it Saturday night.","VERONICA: I guess I didn't feel I was even a little bit wrong or sorry.","TROY: Well a wise man once said that a 'No' is like a 'Yes' except with different letters and arranged in a different order and spoken out loud but, you know, it disappears on the wind. Veronica is amused and smiles as Wallace joins them at the table.","WALLACE: There goes the neighbourhood. They just put Golden Tee in at Sac-n-Pac. You need to go there 'cause your not going to get your free game-","VERONICA: Guys. Look. Behind Wallace the 09ersare gathered. Caitlin goes to sit next to Logan when one of the girls deliberately moves to block her. Caitlin tries to move in further down but she is again blocked. Veronica watches with pained familiarity. Caitlin is well and truly ostracised and walks away.","WALLACE: Hate to be her.","VERONICA: Yeah, that would suck. [Shaking it off] I've never played Golden Tee but I'm pretty sure I can kick both your asses. Veronica leads them out to head for the Sac-n-Pac.","TROY: Ooh.","WALLACE: Wo-ho.","TROY: Lead the way.","VERONICA: I'm just saying","TROY: I think we got a competition"],"Show Title":"Veronica Mars","Episode Number":"01x02","Episode Title":"Credit Where Credit is Due","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Veronica_Mars_01x05.json","Recap":["Troy's father's car is stolen and Veronica has only a limited amount of time to find it before Troy is shipped off to a Catholic boarding school. Veronica finds a set of photographs in her mother's safe deposit box which depict Veronica centered in telescopic sights . Lianne calls Veronica and says that she is fine, and that everything will make sense when the time is right."],"Transcript":["VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars","LILLY: [At the carwash] I've got a secret.","Cut to Veronica Running to Lilly's Body.","LILLY: [Offscreen] A good one.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's been a year since my best friend Lilly Kane was murdered.","Cut to Neptune High.","LOGAN: That's my girlfriend. Your friend. Duncan's sister.","Cut to the car wash, then to Veronica and Troy in the school hall.","VERONICA: My dad wants to meet you.","TROY: Do not worry, I give good parent.","KEITH: [Offscreen] Actually ...","Veronica and Troy kiss. Cut to the Mars' apartment. Troy is sitting on the couch. Keith is on the flesh next to it.","KEITH: ... she has not told me anything about you.","TROY: Well I do not know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.","KEITH: Neither do I.","Cut to Keith and Veronica having dinner at the apartment.","KEITH: So I got a call from your counseling counsellor today. Any idea what for?","VERONICA: Nope.","MISS JAMES: [Offscreen] She's been late ...","Cut to Miss James' office with Keith standing in front of the desk.","MISS JAMES: She has attitude with some teachers.","Cut to Veronica standing in the school hallway and other students fast forward around her.","MISS JAMES: [Offscreen] and socially she seems to be a bit isolated.","Cut to Keith poking his head round the door of Veronica's room.","KEITH: I never want you to think of your mother in this.","VERONICA: The hero is the one that stays and the villain is the one that splits.","End previously. Scene opens in Tijuana, Mexico. It is night. A boy, who will be called Luke, is carrying a piece and is creeping about a dumpster. He exchanges an envelope hidden inside the room for something from a dumpster and looks about nervously. He walks away from the dumpster to a parked car, knocks on the window and laughs at the sound of a groan coming from inside. He climbs into the back seat and joins driver Troy and a badly hung-over Logan, sitting in the front.","LUKE: Wake up!","TROY: I've spent the last forty minutes listening to Logan dry-heave so you could buy a deformed pi ata?","LUKE: [Laughing] Dude, everything was closed. It was the cheapest souvenir I could find.","LOGAN: [Struggling] I'll say it one more time. [Pause] Juanita from the Hot Tamale? Aye-yi-yi-yi. [Laughs then gags]","TROY: Whoa! What'd I tell you about drool on the leather. Dad's very strict about the car. [As the boy in the backseat laughs Logan and groans] He's the only one allowed to dry-heave in it. [Sniggers] All right. Have we had our fill of Tijuana?","LOGAN: No","LUKE: [Simultaneously] Yes.","Troy starts up the car. Cut to the Border Inspection Station where cars queue to pass through. Vendors sell souvenir flags and goods.","TROY: No, no, thank you. They pull forward.","LUKE: These border checkpoints, man, they always freak me out.","LOGAN: Maybe we should not volunteer for the full cavity search.","They reach the checkpoint. Luke is very nervous. A customs officer leans into the driver's side window with a torch.","OFFICER: Morning.","TROY: Morning, sir.","Troy and Logan are grinning at the Officer.","OFFICER: You, uh, fellas have a good time in Mexico.","TROY \/ LOGAN: [Simultaneously] Yes, Sir.","OFFICER: Wanna go ahead and hand over your contraband.","Long beat. Troys eyes widen as he looks at Logan then back at the officer.","OFFICER: [Smiles] It works sometimes. Pop the trunk. Luke breathes a sigh of relief as the officer checks the boot.","TROY: Anybody else hungry?","LUKE: Sure.","TROY: Yeah.","Cut to a dinner. Logan and Luke are seated at the counter. The remains of a meal are before them.","LUKE: I can not believe you're calling me a wuss.","LOGAN: Mmm","LUKE: I'm serious. You're the guy That can not close the deals","TROY: Dude, what are you talking about?","LUKE: I'm talking about that girl, that g-girl. Esmerelda?","Troy returns to the counter.","LOGAN: The deal was closed back VIP, my brother, make no mistake. Troy puts some money on the counter.","LUKE: No way.","LOGAN: [To Troy] Did you wash your hands?","Troy smiles and wipes his hands on Logan's shoulder.","LOGAN: Thank you.","TROY: I got this boys, let's roll.","Troy punches Logan on the arm. Logan groans. Border Grid & Diner - Troy leads while Logan and Luke continues their debate.","LOGAN: [To Troy] All right, settle something for us, partner. Did not Luke look kind of scared when he started working on his milkshakes on him.","LUKE: That's great. That's adorable. You're a good man, you're a good man. Thank you. I was not, uh, I was not scared, I was concerned.","Troy, looking forward, looks concerned himself.","LOGAN: Oh yeah. You've never seen a girl pick up a glass like before. The boys are standing in front of an empty car parking space.","TROY: Is not this where we parked? Tell me that this is not where we parked. Please, who knows me that you can see my father's heart and that heart attack that I'm having right now is for nothing.","LOGAN: Well maybe it's like Brigadoon. If you come back in a hundred years, it will be right back in this spot.","LUKE: [Panicked] Troy, did you lock it?","TROY: Did I lock it?","Logan lies down in the space. Cut to Luke with his head buried beneath his hands as they wait outside the dinner.","TROY: [To Luke] What's your problem? It's not even your ass on the line.","LUKE: Yeah, I know. This just really sucks, man.","LOGAN: Wow man, that's profound.","TROY: My parents come home in five days. If the car is not back before my dad is, I'm going to be singing hymns and doing rosary beads before you say 'The Passion'.","Veronica pulls up.","VERONICA: Dude, where's your car? Troy frowns and shakes his head.","VERONICA: Sorry. Troy heads for the car.","VERONICA: Ah, [indicating Logan] your monkey's gonna have a ride in the back.","LOGAN: Ha-ha. Nice car. [Climbing into the back seat] God, it must have been a huge cereal box.","Veronica is ready to get f*cked at Logan as Luke gets in the back.","TROY: Now let's let that go. Cherish these moments. Because they will probably be the last ones we spend together. [Gets in the front seat]","VERONICA: Hey, I do not mind dating a guy that rides a bike.","TROY: How do you feel about a guy who's being sent to Catholic school in Albuquerque?","Veronica's face indicates that it would not be so cool. Opening credits. Cut to the pulling up outside a large house. Luke and Logan climb out.","LOGAN: Thanks for the ride. Does this mean you're gonna play nice now?","VERONICA: Walk in front of the car, we'll see.","Luke laughs. As he and Logan cross the front of the car, Veronica revs the engine. Logan smiling, slaps the hat with the jacket he's carrying.","LUKE: [To Logan] Can I stay in your guest house. [Pointing back to the house] I just do not want to wake my parents up this early. Logan and Luke get into Logan '","VERONICA: I have a brilliant idea.","TROY: Does it involve a time machine?","VERONICA: Why do not I make some phone calls and see if I can track down the car.","TROY: I appreciate it but I think this is even beyond your super powers.","VERONICA: Have not you heard? I've got friends in low places.","TROY: Look, I can not report the stolen car 'cause my dad thinks it's still safely tucked in the garage. Which means I can not get the anti-theft homing device activated. It's-it's probably on a cargo ship to Jamaica. You know, my dad is going to send me away, he's going to track me down and he's going to kill me.","VERONICA: Not if he does not find out. Let's go back to your house.","TROY: And take my mind off my problems? [Giving a lecherous grin]","VERONICA: And get the details on the car. Model. License number. WINE.","TROY: How do you make VIN sound so hot?","Veronica laughs. Cut to the front office of Mars Investigations. Wallace is heading for the desk at which Veronica is seated, carrying refreshments.","WALLACE: Are you going to find Troy's stolen because over the internet?","VERONICA: You'd be surprised what one can find with a few nimble keystrokes.","WALLACE: All right, then, Velma. Why do not you see what you can find on, say, me.","VERONICA: It's Daphne, thank you very much.","Prying Eyez Dotcom, with login and password, Veronica's laptop screen fills.","WALLACE: [Looking over her shoulder] What's that?","VERONICA: If you're a PI with a password, this is the gateway to many a skeleton filled closet. Arrests, divorces, bankruptcies. [Gasps, then in Scooby voice] Rut-roh! Somebody got their license suspended last year.","WALLACE: I got it back. Bet you do not say that.","Wallace heads back around the desk.","VERONICA: Wait, if I'm Daphne, what does that make you? Fred?","WALLACE: [Sitting] Oh no. If I gotta be any of those white boys, I gotta be shaggy all the way baby. Shaggy's got mad flavor.","VERONICA: Awwww, you still have a subscription to Mad Magazine. You're all about the flavor.","Veronica closes her laptop as Keith comes from her office heading for the kitchen area.","KEITH: Hey guys.","VERONICA: Hi. [In a whisper to Wallace] Hey, help me out. So, for my dad's birthday, I'm thinking? Rock climbing?","WALLACE: Because he loves heights?","KEITH: [From the kitchen area] Not so much but keep thinking outside the box, I like it. And do not wait for me for dinner, I'll probably get out of the Italian place.","VERONICA: Luigi's? Will you get some lasagna?","KEITH: Some lasagna? I'm just saying last time we went to Luigi's you ate your weight in manicotti.","VERONICA: And now your birthday will be spent sky-diving. [Keith laughs aloud] Alone.","Cut to the Mars' apartment. Veronica comes in and greets the dog (note that this is not the same dog as in 1.01 Pilot).","VERONICA: Hi buddy, hi. We'll go out in a minute. Veronica drops her keys and hits the play button.","FEMALE VOICE: Hi Keith, it's me. I could be a little late to dinner since I came into work- Oh, wait a minute. Um, I'm sorry. I'm just going to call your cell. Veronica looks suspiciously at the phone as she gets herself a drink. She heads back to the phone and punches in the code to ring the last caller.","FEMALE VOICE: Hi, you've reached Rebecca James in the Counseling Office at Neptune High School. I'm away- Veronica cuts off the call.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: You know those people who can predict their life? I'm not one of them. Change has a way of just going up and punching me in the face.","Cut to Luke's face. He is straining with something.","HANK: [Offscreen] I love the effort. I mean, look at this guy, he's really working. You're pushing through the bread, man. The camera sweaters back to show a gym. Luke is lying on his back to a heavy barbell just clear of his chest. A blond man, Hank, is standing at his head.","HANK: Nobody's kicking sand in your face. But, uh, you look a little tired there, tiger, so I'll tell you what. Tell me where my package is and I'll help you lighten that load.","LUKE: [With effort] It's a friend's car. I'll have it for you tomorrow.","HANK: [Kneeling down] OK, I'll tell you what. You got until 9am otherwise I'm gonna hunt you down and the closest thing you're gonna come to playing baseball is me shoving a beat right up your ass.","Hank pats Luke on the cheek and then removes the barbell. Cut to the Mars' apartment. Keith is putting some things in a box Veronica enters from her bedroom.","KEITH: Morning honey.","VERONICA: What'cha doing?","KEITH: Nyah, I figured I'd put the rest of your mom's stuff in storage. I do not think we need the reminders anymore, you know?","VERONICA: [Getting cereal] Yeah.","KEITH: You wanna take a look?","VERONICA: Not so much, no.","KEITH: Well, I'm gonna leave it here for now. I've got an eight o'clock.","VERONICA: So, you and Miss James, huh? I would not have pegged that one.","KEITH: Yeah, well, we only went out a couple of times. I did not want to make a big deal out of it.","VERONICA: So do not. I get it. Companionship, needs, yada, yada, yada. It's fine.","KEITH: I'm sorry you did not hear about it from me first.","VERONICA: Do not sweat it. You know how many things I do not tell you? [Off Keith's look] I'm kidding. It's cool. Just next time, could you shoot for an actual teacher? Because this has no potential benefit to my grade point average.","KEITH: You sure you feel okay about this?","VERONICA: Yes.","KEITH: Good. I like her.","VERONICA: Cool.","KEITH: Have a nice day.","VERONICA:","Keith leaves. Veronica puts down her cereal bowl and walks slowly over the box. She picks up a picture of Keith, Lianne and herself.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: The best way to dull the bread of your best friend's murder is as soon as possible. It's like having a hammer, then when it's throbbing so badly you do not think you'll survive, you cut the damn thing off. [Picking up a small pile of unframed pictures] When my dad implicated the beloved Kane family in Lilly's death, I was willing to stand by him and lose everything else. Mom? Was not. There is a small envelope in the jewelery box. Veronica opens it.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: A safety deposit box key? Lianne Mars' death certificate. Veronica is working on one of the screens in the school publications room. It looks like the class is wrapping up.","MS DENT: Thanks everybody. Do not forget, interviewing exercise tomorrow. As Ms Dent leaves the room, Luke rushes in and over to Veronica.","LUKE: [Out of breath] Hey. You're helping Troy find his dad's car, right?","VERONICA: You're sweating on me.","LUKE: [Taking a breath] Look, I need your help. There's something more than that. [Veronica looks at him] There was a lot of steroids in the back seat. II did a run for Hank Zigmund. He owns the Zig-Zag Sports Club. I wanted to get pumped for Varsity baseball. I was pretty much down for whatever.","VERONICA: Including shrunken testicles and acne scars. Well, speaking for the women of America - Good plan! Wait. What did Troy and Logan know about this?","LUKE: Nothing. I swear. [Off Veronica's disbelieving look] Yeah, all right, Logan knew but he wasn't-he was not in on anything.","VERONICA: It does not matter anyway. I do not help dealers find their lost products.","LUKE: [Desperately] Look, do not think of it like that, all right? Think of it like you're saving my life, I mean the guy's built like a truck. He will-he will break one of my limbs.","VERONICA: [Sighs] If I were to help you, you would have to return the steroids and get your money back and then return the cash, not the drugs.","LUKE: Yeah, I'll do whatever.","VERONICA: I'll figure something out. Until then just lay low.","Veronica grabs the death certificate as it rolls off the printer. Cut to the bank. Veronica approaches a booth.","BANK TELLER: Hi. May I help you?","VERONICA: Hi. My mom died last year and I just found this.","Veronica sweaters out the safety deposit key. Cut to her in the vault then at the safety deposit box. She pulls out some files and some photographs.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: All this time, I've been thinking Mom bolted because she could not handle everything. Maybe she could not handle me. The photographs are candid shots of Veronica against which the crosshairs of a target are drawn on each. Veronica is shocked. The scene shifts but is still on the pictures.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Looks like they used to 300mm on this one. The camera pulls back to reveal Veronica sitting at her desk at Mars Investigations.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Not bad. Definitely the work of a pro. A pro who knew my schedule quite well last year. Judging by my lack of an eight man, 24 hour security detail, I'm guessing Dad has not had the pleasure of viewing this little slideshow. Someone bangs on the door to Mars Investigations.","REBECCA: Hi!","VERONICA: [Closing the file] Hello.","Keith comes out of his office.","KEITH: [Nervously] Hey","REBECCA: Hi.","KEITH: I thought, uh-","REBECCA: I'm guessing I'm early, right?","KEITH: No, no, it's fine. It's fine.","REBECCA: I'm sorry. I'm just-I was anxious. Hi.","KEITH: Hi.","REBECCA: Hi.","KEITH: Hi.","They kiss briefly as Veronica looks on bemusedly.","KEITH: Uh, Veronica, Rebecca wanted to stop by and uh?","REBECCA: And, uh, just say hello. Outside of school. Veronica",": Well, this is a little weird, but you are not dating. Um, I'm fine. No worries.","KEITH: Well, I thought, um","REBECCA: And-and I agree.","KEITH: that if you had the chance to talk things would seem a little less awkward.","VERONICA: And are you starting to see the wrestling-22 inherent in the plan?","REBECCA: As to matter of fact, I am. [Laughs] OK, well, um, is there anything I can do that would make things easier for you?","VERONICA: Can you get me out of the fifth organic period?","Cut to Veronica and Troy in her car. The music for \"Such Great Heights\" by Postal Service starts up.","VERONICA: So far, it's been talking about my buddy, Earl yesterday, at the impound yard.","TROY: What do I love more? Do you have a buddy named Earl that he works at the impound yard?","VERONICA: I'm guessing both. No sign of the Beemer. But he can get you a great deal on a good times van.","TROY: I'll get that on my dad when he gets back. Maybe he'll take a look at his gun.","The lyrics kick in and will play beneath the rest of their conversation.","SONG: I'm thinking it's a sign that the freckles We're perfectly aligned. And I have to speculate that God Himself Did not like to make a mistake. death. When you're out there on the road for the radio, I hope you'll be able to do that. They will see you here! Come on now! They'll see you again","VERONICA: Yeah, me too.","VERONICA: Here's a thought. If Tijuana was Logan 's idea then stealing the car could have been the master plan.","TROY: It was more of a meeting of the minds, if you will.","VERONICA: Ah, so what was the menu for this big debauchery?","TROY: Let's see. From, uh, eight to nine, we brainstormed on how to overthrow Kim Jong Il. From nine to ten, we have the record of the black voters of Florida. After that it was, uh, yeah it was all donkey shows.","VERONICA: So the usual?","TROY: Pretty much,","VERONICA: Anything else?","TROY: If you wanna ask something, you just ask.","VERONICA: OK. Did you meet anyone or were you followed? Did you see any suspicious activity?","TROY: How about Tijuana?","VERONICA: I'm not looking for DNA samples. It's just more information, the better chances of you finding it.","TROY: I know. Sorry.","Cut to Veronica and Troy entering the Beacon Corporation, providers of tracking recovery. Veronica approaches reception.","TROY: [Quietly] So you think they're going to turn the Beacon system on just 'cause we ask sweetly?","VERONICA: Well, we've tried everything else. Just watch a master at work, all right? This is what I do.","Veronica walks behind you towards the office cubicles. She steps into one staffed by a young man, Roger.","VERONICA: Hi, um, I'm the personal assistant to Lawrence Vandergraff. He's freaking out. He thinks his device is broken and he wants to run a diagnosis on his BMW. Here's the VIN number. Please tell me you can do this. Pretty please? Cherry on top?","ROGER: [Apologetically] I-It's not really procedure.","VERONICA: Well? Can it be our little secret? I've worked for the guy for two weeks and he already thinks I'm saying.","ROGER: Uh, okay then. [Pointing to himself] Super Roger to the rescue [ then to the computer].","Veronica smiles thankfully then turns and winks at Troy. As she turns back into Roger's cubicle, an older official woman enters.","BEACON WOMAN: Roger, what are you doing?","ROGER: Um, ahh, aa simple diagnosis. Uh,","BEACON WOMAN: Has the car been reported stolen?","VERONICA: Wel-not exactly.","BEACON WOMAN: We never activate Beacon unless the car is reported stolen.","VERONICA: [Silently] Right.","Veronica nods her head and heads back to Troy. He drops his head.","TROY: [Silently and with a hand gesture] Smooth, Veronica.","Cut to Logan's as he pulls up outside Luke's. Luke exits the car.","LUKE: Ok.","LOGAN: All right.","LUKE: Hey uh, that-that's great. Hey! Can you pick me up tomorrow?","LOGAN: Yeah.","LUKE: Good, good.","Logan drives off as Luke heads up the stairs towards the house. On his left an orange Hummer screeches to a halt. HANK Hey! As Hank breeds out, Luke bolts. Hank chases him for a while and then gives up a fence before a long drop.","HANK: You better run you punk bitch!","Cut to the High School. Logan is bent down at his locker, one of the lower ones. Veronica can be seen in the distance heading straight for him.","VERONICA: Time for a cat?","LOGAN: [Standing] Well. Think if hell froze over, maybe it's on the news.","VERONICA: I just wanna hear more about the steroids you bought last weekend.","LOGAN: You mean the steroids Luke bought. Wow! You suck at this Nancy Drew stuff. You should get a new hobby.","VERONICA: So you knew he was doing it.","LOGAN: [Smirks] You actually think that I would tell you anything? [On Veronica 's Veronica' s look behind him and turning to see that] Hmm [with thumb \/ finger circle gesture], I guess we 're done here, Officer. [Whistles] What's up, T?","Logan walks between them, stares hard at Veronica and then walks away, football in hand.","TROY: Hey, gorgeous. That guy bothering you?","VERONICA: What guy?","They kiss and Troy puts her arm around her with Veronica holding onto her hand and they walk down the corridor together. Cut to the Mars' apartment. Rebecca is looking in the bottom cupboards. Backup is helping.","REBECCA: All right. Where is your sifter? Veronica has just entered.","VERONICA: I do not think we have one.","REBECCA: [Startled] Oh, hi! Um","Rebecca extricates herself from the cupboards and stands. Veronica puts her bag on the counter as Rebecca wipes her hands. Backup jumps up on Rebecca. She laughs.","VERONICA: [Abruptly] You did not give Human food backup, did you?","REBECCA: Oh no, no, no. I just found his happy spot, that's all. So, um, another box of bad timing. Your dad went out for groceries' cause I'm making dinner for both of you tonight. So, uh, how was your day?","VERONICA: [Coldly] Fine. How was yours?","REBECCA: It was excellent, thank you. I know you guys like Italian food so I'm making fettuccine and for desert guess.","VERONICA: No idea.","REBECCA: Waffles and ice cream. That's your favorite, right? I have this sauce on top of vanilla ice cream on the burner","Rebecca's voice fades as Veronica flashes back to her mother, in pajamas, in a different kitchen. There is a waffle on the counter behind her and an opened carton of eggs.","LIANNE: So. When are we gonna cook for your boy?","VERONICA: We're Mars women. Should not we play to our strengths? And who says there's a new boy?","LIANNE: Do not even try that. No, wait a minute. Let me guess. Um Fisher Garret? Kenny Houseman?","VERONICA: [Increasingly offended] Have we put?","LIANNE: [Relieved] Thank you. Um Travis Kittlemeyer.","VERONICA: [Knowingly] Ooh, I think he'd rather be dating Kenny Houseman.","LIANNE: OK. Um, then, Boris-","VERONICA: OK! It's Duncan Kane.","Lianne 's cheery moods evaporates abruptly, replaced by one of concern and \/ or shock, as a warning tone emits from the iron waffle.","VERONICA: [Sensing her mother's reaction] The waffle's burning. Lianne opens the iron on the charred waffle. A sound of something like Veronica back to the present.","REBECCA: Oh! Oh, god, I'm so sorry. It just slipped out of my hands.","VERONICA: [Joining her] It's all right.","Keith enters with a bag of groceries.","KEITH: Hey, how's it going in here?","REBECCA: Look at this. I'm a klutz.","KEITH: Ah, it was ancient anyway. Do not even worry about it.","VERONICA: I really appreciate you doing this, but I actually can not stay for dinner.","REBECCA: Really?","KEITH: [Skeptical] Why not?","VERONICA: I told a friend I'd meet him at Sac-n-Pac. It's a school project.","REBECCA: [Disappointed] Oh well, I-I'll ask first next time. Make sure you're available.","VERONICA: Thanks for cooking. I'll try the pasta when I get home.","KEITH: [Pointedly] Which will not be too late.","VERONICA: Have a good night.","Veronica exits. Cut to a yard breakers. A bike comes into the yard and one of the men heads over to meet it.","WEEVIL: [Offscreen] Angel! How's business? Veronica and Weevil come into view as Angel and Weevil high five and hug.","ANGEL: [In Spanish, translation by subtitle] Have you found the Lexus that I asked you about? Weevil nods then turns his head to Veronica.","WEEVIL: This is Veronica. She's the girl that got me out of juvie. I told you about her. Look, she's looking for a car. A green BMW 740i. It should have been here a couple of days ago.","ANGEL: [In Spanish, translation by subtitle] It came and went. We left it really cool. [Casting a glance at Veronica] Tell her that the customer has the receipt and the registration in order, like all my clients. And I do not even remember his name.","WEEVIL: Yeah, I hear you.","ANGEL: [In Spanish, translation by subtitle] And nephew, do not bring people I do not know.","WEEVIL: All right.","They clasp hands and bump chests.","VERONICA: Did you ask him about the pi ata?","WEEVIL: Oh, yeah. One more thing, uh. Did you happen to see a pi ata?","ANGEL: [In Spanish, translation by subtitle] Mario took it. It's his daughter's birthday.","WEEVIL: Gracias, Tio. [To Veronica as they walk back to Weevil's bike] So the car w-","VERONICA: Was chopped. Your uncle will not say for who, but the papers are in order blah, blah, blah. Please tell me you know where Mario lives, because we need to get that pi ata right away.","Weevil is impressed.","WEEVIL: Baby, I'll buy a pi ata.","VERONICA: [Sweetly] Will you buy me pi ata full of steroids?","Cut to Weevil and Veronica on his bike, looking for Mario's.","WEEVIL: I've only been here once.","VERONICA: [Pointing] Uh, maybe that one. Where are the balloons?","Weevil heads for it and stops outside a garden where children's party is in motion. A child is banging on the pi ata.","VERONICA: Yeah, this has to be it. Veronica breeds off the bike.","VERONICA: Stop, stop. Just as she reaches the child, the pi ata splits and spills its contents to the ground. The children scamper to collect the small sweets in wrappers. Veronica watches, stunned and confused, then leaves the mothers chatter in Spanish about her behavior.","VERONICA: Sorry, sorry.","Cut to the inside of the girls' restroom. The door crashes open as Veronica forcefully pulls Luke into the room. She flings to the wall and checks that the cubicles are empty.","LUKE: Gee! Am I in trouble? What? God!","VERONICA: We need to talk.","LUKE: All right. But does it have to be feminine hygiene machine?","VERONICA: Yeah. Get over it. Look, I found the pi ata and it is not full of steroids. You're out of options. If you want Ziggy off your back, you're going to have to buy him off.","LUKE: Veronica, you do not understand. If I go to him without any steroids, cash or no cash, he's going to hurt me. Bad","VERONICA: Well, you let me worry about that. You worry about getting the money.","LUKE: Yeah, how? What do you think I've got e-eight big stashed away in my other wallet?","VERONICA: [Angrily] Figure it out!","Veronica storms out of the restroom into the hall, thinking hard. As she looks up, she sees the door to the school administration office. There is a poster on it that says: She breaks and flashes her exiting that office. Lianne is gripping Veronica's arm, leading her.","VERONICA: Mom, what are you doing here? Where are we going?","LIANNE: Ooh, I just thought it would be nice to spend some time together. I thought we could visit Aunt Sheryl.","VERONICA: In Palm Springs? Mom, I can not go to Palm Springs. I have a history test and a Spanish project due. LIANNE Honey, please. Do not make this hard. [Whispers] Just come with me, okay?","VERONICA VOICEOVER: [As we return to Veronica in the hall] Three days later she was gone. At the time I thought it was just one of my favorite things. I chalked her nerves up to the vodka. But now I think she really was scared.","Cut to Veronica's room. The music is Santana's \"Put Your Lights On\" with Everlast. Veronica is putting on cell phones in envelopes.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: People rarely cut all their ties, even when they try. If it's going to be there, it's going to be a good thing, I'm going to be able to meet you, maybe it's going to be safe for me to call me. It's my version of a message in a bottle. Veronica breaks her activity when she hears the front door of the apartment. She walks out slowly towards her father, who has just come in.","SONG: Hey now, all you sinners","VERONICA: One more hour and one can actually make a walk of shame.","SONG: ut your your your","KEITH: Let's say I'm gonna play the dad and go to bed. That all right?","SONG: Hey now","VERONICA: Actually I need your help.","KEITH: What's up?","SONG: all you lovers Put your lights on, put your lights on","VERONICA: Troy Got His dad's car stolen On His way back from Tijuana and we're try trying to find it before His dad gets back so he's not shipped off to boarding school in Albuquerque.","SONG: Hey now,","KEITH: Hmm. He's important to you, is not he?","VERONICA: Yes, he is.","SONG: Put your lights on, put your lights on","VERONICA:","Keith laughs tiredly.","SONG: Hey now, all you children","KEITH: I'll be nice to your boyfriend if you're nice to my girlfriend.","SONG: Leave your lights on","KEITH: Veronica?","SONG: you better leave your lights on","VERONICA: Deal.","KEITH: Good morning.","SONG: The ill aha, we fade away.","VERONICA: Good night.","Both go to their rooms. Cut to Beacon Corporation. Keith walks into the Cubicle of Beacon Woman as she enjoys her salad at her desk.","BEACON WOMAN: Can I help you?","KEITH: James Anderson, head of security for LT Vandergraff.","BEACON WOMAN: Sorry, I'm not sure I-","KEITH: Do you know who Mr Vandergraff is? You will be named after the lawsuit he files against your employer. Now, I know you value him as a customer. He really values \u200b\u200bthis car, so we need to run a drill. You look like a smart lady. Do yourself a favor and turn his system on now.","She does. Keith smiles.","LUKE: [Offscreen] This is insane.","Cut to Neptune High School where Luke is sat in front of a computer screen. Veroncia is coming to a leaf.","LUKE: I mean, two thousand bucks with four bids? These people have no idea what a Barry Bonds' ball's worth.","VERONICA: No, it's classic bidding strategy. They wait 'til the end of the auction. Try hitting refresh.","LUKE: [Unhappily] Classic bidding.","VERONICA: See, there you go. Twenty-eight hundred. We're almost there.","LUKE: No, we're not almost there. [Snorts with disgust] III can not do this. I mean, you have no idea what I was going through to get this ball. You have no idea what it's going to be when he retires,","VERONICA: [Patiently, with gestures] Luke. A ball or your life. You do the math. [Losing her patience] It's a ball!","LUKE: Yeah, it-","Luke slaps his hand on the desk. Cut to Troy and Veronica outside under a tree.","TROY: What are you doing after school? Wanna come over and play detective?","VERONICA: How are you laid back? I mean, if we do not find this car, we're done. This. Over. Does not scare you?","TROY: Yes, it does. I mean it scares the hell out of me.","VERONICA: Then why do you seem so-","TROY: Let's just say that you've been told 72 hours to live. How do you spend them? You can dig through medical texts for a miracle cure or you can make those 72 hours the best three days of your life. And I choose sexy fun time.","VERONICA: Well, I choose a miracle cure.","Wallace wanders over.","WALLACE: I do not get something. Why are your parents going to prison in Albuquerque? Seriously. What's wrong with a good old-fashioned grounding?","TROY: I'll get you to call you. Get some parenting advice.","WALLACE: Happy to help.","Wallace leaves as Troy and Veronica stare at each other.","MS DENT: [Offscreen] Remember.","Cut to the journalism classroom.","[SCENE_BREAK]","MS DENT: Start with light, easy questions first. Let your subject get comfortable. Veronica and a snooty looking brunette, Ashley Banks, sit facing each other.","ASHLEY: So, Ms Mars. How do you respond to the rumors that your boyfriend strikes with strippers in Tijuana last weekend?","VERONICA: Ms Banks. Have you decided which parent are you going to live with after the divorce? And if I can, follow up. Can you believe your father's choice in mistresses?","Ms Banks is stung.","MS DENT: [Offscreen] Veronica, I need to speak with you after class, please.","Cut to later.","MS DENT: You look ready for a fight.","VERONICA: I get that a lot. I guess it's just my usual expression.","MS DENT: [Sighs heavily] How do you think Ashley's going to sleep tonight?","VERONICA: I did not know anything deep down.","MS DENT: Maybe. But sometimes the lie we we are believed to be for our own good. Veronica digests this] You coming?","VERONICA: Uh, in a minute. Research.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: [Heading for the computers] Poor Ms Dent. She can not see the big picture yet. Love is an investment. Information is insurance. With someone whose heart has already been crushed, I say you can not be too careful.","Veronica pulls up Dotcom Prying Eyez. She is going to the background Check page. Cut to later at Mars Investigations. Veronica walks into Keith's office with a hint of trepidation. She walks into Keith's office.","KEITH Hey, there you are. I wanted to ask you a favor. I know you got something planned for my birthday, but it was so, you know, hoping it would be, uh, fine if, you know, before we went to do cook us dinner, because she's a great cook.","VERONICA: [Sombrely, placing the file on his desk] I think you should look at that.","Veronica turns away and walks slowly back to the desk in the outer office. Keith opens the file and examines it. Veronica looks over at him.","VERONICA: Did you know she was still married?","KEITH: I did not. I'm still married, Veronica.","VERONICA: And that she was arrested for passing bad checks?","Keith rises from his desk and walks into the outer office.","KEITH: When was she 21. [Holding out the print from Prying Eyez] What were you thinking, Veronica? I'm your father. What made you think you had the right to do something like this?","VERONICA: What are you talking about, have the right? This-this is what we do. This is how we survive. I was trying to protect you.","KEITH: [Angry] Protect me? I'm an adult, Veronica!","Keith drops on Veronica's desk and heads back into his own office.","VERONICA: You've got her life going like it's no big deal!","KEITH: [From behind his desk] Oh, it's a big deal. It's a huge deal. [Heading back towards Veronica] Makes me feel good about myself. Wanted in a way that I have not in a long time. It makes me wake up with a smile on my face. And we did not ignore your feelings. We tried to make you feel comfortable but you're a snotty.","Keith heads back to his desk again. Veronica follows.","VERONICA: Mom is still out there somewhere. Do you even care if she ever comes back?","KEITH: You did not care until I started dating. You '","VERONICA: [With more distress] You can find anybody! If you were a criminal, you'd make a great pair of tracking her down and have a back in a week.","KEITH: Well, maybe I do not care to find her. Have you ever considered that?","Veronica is stunned into silence by that.","KEITH: And here. [Taking out a card and heading towards his desk] I've turned your boyfriend's security system on. [Slapping it down on her desk] There's the code. Veronica slowly follows him out. Keith spins round and enters his office, closing the door very firmly behind him. Veronica sits at her desk and leans her head into her hands, sobbing quietly. She sniffs, wipes to tear and pick up her pen. But she's still too upset and throws it aside, returning her head to her hands as she cries.","TROY: [Offscreen] Sure you're all right?","Cut to Troy and Veronica, late, in her car. Veronica has a handheld tracker which is beeping.","VERONICA: Would you stop asking me that? I need to concentrate. The signal is weaving all over the place. It's weird.","TROY: You think they know that we're on them.","VERONICA: Maybe, but it looks like it's going in between buildings. I do not get it.","The car pulls up in an empty street. They get out of the car.","VERONICA: It says this is the street. Seems like an unlikely place to hide a stolen car, here in mansion land.","TROY: You think it's a garage?","VERONICA: No, the signal is still moving all around. It's-it's right on top of us.","They look ahead. There is a whine and there a yellow lab with the tracking device attached to its collar.","TROY: Please tell me that a dog is not supposed to be the BMW.","VERONICA: You think your dad'll notice?","Troy gives her a look.","TROY: Yeah.","Cut to the Mars' apartment. It is morning. Keith is in the kitchen, pondering. He hears Veronica as she comes into the kitchen.","KEITH: [Softly] You want some breakfast?","VERONICA: No thanks, I'm just going to grab an apple.","Keith is staring at something on the counter behind Veronica. She turns and looks behind her. It is a file marked with Troy's name. She picks it up.","KEITH: That's for you. It's everything you can know about Troy. You can open it, you can throw it out. It's your choice. Keith walks away. Veronica stares after him for a moment, then looks down on the file in her hands. Keith first puts Rebecca out of school. They are sitting alone on a bench against the window wall. Rebecca has one arm around Keith. Her other hand plays with Keith's on the table. She recognizes that Keith is struggling with something and watches him intently. She leaves her wrist resting on her shoulder.","KEITH: [Sadly] I just do not know how to say this. Keith sighs heavily. Rebecca looks up, recognizing what is coming. She lets go of Keith's hand and her own together, her forearm still resting on her shoulder.","REBECCA: Keith, just pull the band-aid off. [She expels her breath in a nervous and soft laugh] The furrowed brow and the-the breaks are killing me.","KEITH: I can not see you anymore.","REBECCA: [Long pause] OK.","Rebecca backs off a little, taking her arm from her shoulder.","KEITH: I can not do this to Veronica. She's not ready to see me dating yet. I'm sorry. [Pause] I'm sorry, but she's having a really hard time.","REBECCA: Can you do me a favor?","KEITH: Of course.","REBECCA: Can you just tell me it's another reason like, like a crappy one? Your being a good father is not really something I can bitch about to my girlfriends over margaritas.","Keith cups Rebecca's head and draws her to him. Cut to Neptune High. Veronica is waiting outside the lockers in an empty hallway.","TROY: Hey sexy. Give me a kiss, make all my troubles disappear?","VERONICA: All your troubles? That would be a lot of kissing. [As Troy opens his locker] I'm just glad we were not dating when you were kicked out of those two schools for drug possession and trafficking, my lips would have fallen off.","TROY: A-huh. Well good morning to you, too.","VERONICA: Although, back then, Shauna was doing most of the kissing, was not she? You remember Shauna, do not you? You were kicked out of Pembrooke in Connecticut with her for marijuana possession and then out of St. Mary's in Boston. You crazy kids never learn. So I'm sure that you knew nothing about Luke picking up steroids in TJ?","TROY: What are you talking about, steroids?","VERONICA: [Wagging her finger] Do not even-","TROY: Look, look, I do not know anything about Luke and steroids. Yeah, I got busted in Boston with some dope and big deal.","VERONICA: You got busted for drug possession and trafficking!","TROY: Yeah, so, that was two years before we even put. What does that have to do with us now?","VERONICA:","TROY: Maybe I would've. You ever think of that? Maybe after I know you for more than a month, I'd tell you my deep dark secrets. Or is that too much of a character flaw? Waiting for the girl to like you before you tell me the things you're not so proud of? I do not have to tell you that. You're Veronica Mars. You know everything.","Troy shakes his head and turns and walks away. Veronica stares uncertainly after him. From behind her, Luke rounds the corner. He is holding an envelope.","LUKE: Hey. I got it all. Eight big. And a little slice of my soul.","VERONICA: [Crossly] Woe is you.","Veronica snatches the envelope and trounces off. Luke extends his hands in a 'What did I do?' gesture and follows. Cut to Verona and Backup climbing some stairs.","HANK: [Offscreen] Saturday night Veronica reaches Zig Zag's Club, the gym where Luke was, uh, worked out. Hank is on his cell.","HANK: I'm looking forward to see you again at Brighton","VERONICA: Hey.","HANK: [To his caller] I'll, uh, talk to you later, all right.","Hank shuts down the cell and looks up at Veronica.","VERONICA: Is that Hummer downstairs with the Z-Meister flat yours?","HANK: Abso-damn-lutely.","VERONICA: Wow. Cool, I guessed right.","HANK: So, um ... you here to get pumped?","VERONICA: Not exactly. I'm here to settle Luke's account.","Hank abruptly changes from flirt to bully as he stands.","HANK: Why do not we step in my office? Backup barks.","VERONICA: That's okay. I'd rather talk out here.","HANK: Well, I would not.","VERONICA: [On Backup's growl] Wah, he would.","Backup barks a couple times to reinforce the point.","HANK: You know, darling, unless you're blind, you're going to take your doggie outside.","VERONICA: You can try explaining that to him because he never listens to me.","Veronica's cell rings.","HANK: You do not understand-","VERONICA: Hold on one sec.","Veronica holds out her cell, saying that she is taking the call. She takes the opportunity to take a picture of Hank before answering.","VERONICA: Yeah? [Listens] Oh, hey Wallace. Not much, you? Hank glares at Veronica and, on Backup's bark, at the dog.","VERONICA: No, not at all. No. Piece of cake. [Breaks] Yeah, thanks. She smiles at Hank as she terminates the call. She reaches into the bag and pulls out the envelope taken from Luke.","VERONICA: [Hank handing the envelope] Here's the big eight you fronted Luke. You two are square now.","HANK: [Taking the envelope and examining the contents] Well, I'm gonna take the big eight, but we do not square, you see, the little bitch let me down and I'm gonna have to make him pay.","Veronica nods.","VERONICA: Remember this moment. 'Cause you're gonna regret it. Toodles. Veronica heads back to the stairs, dragging Backup behind her. Hank stares after her, malevolently. Cut to Veronica's cell and the picture she has taken from Hank. The cell closes and the camera moves to the picture loading on the laptop screen. Veronica puts down the phone and hits the keyboard. The screen indicates the 12th image of the picture is printing. Veronica readies a pen and paperback to the printer to a black and white print of Hank on Mars Investigations headed paper. She writes something on the space and places it in the fax. She punches in a number and it starts to roll through. Cut to a driveway. Troy and an older man walking towards a taxi waiting.","TROY: I can do better, I swear, just give me another chance.","TROY'S DAD: You've used up all your chances. You gotta learn discipline and respect.","TROY: [Plaintively] Dad, please. I'm sorry, I'm","TROY'S DAD: [Implacable] It's too late for apologies, Troy. You've made your bed.","He walks away leaving Troy staring after him. Troy sighs in resignation.","TROY: Huh, yeah. He turns and heads for the taxi. Cut to a lopsided chocolate cake with a single candle in the shape of a question mark in the center.","KEITH: [Offscreen] Wow, that's some cake. The camera pulls back to reveal Keith and Veronica sitting at the kitchen counter in their apartment.","VERONICA: Is not it, though?","KEITH: I love it. Ever notice how do you make things just to the left?","VERONICA: [Cocking her head to check, then, confidently] I do that on purpose.","Keith laughs as Veronica hands out the cutlery.","KEITH: What time is Rebecca coming?","KEITH: She's not.","VERONICA: [Surprised] Oh. II already canceled the birthday surprise. I was gonna take you to see Santana at the Bowl.","KEITH: I'm not seeing her anymore.","Keith lets out a big sigh, then picks up his fork.","VERONICA: Dad, you do not have- [Pauses] Sorry. I obviously know nothing about relationships.","KEITH: But you can bake and that's important.","VERONICA: [Guiltily] It's your birthday. You should be happy.","KEITH: And what better way to spend it?","VERONICA: No, I- you should-","KEITH: I should","VERONICA: be-","KEITH: [Without pause] be able to do whatever I want because it's my birthday. I just wanna have a piece of cake with my daughter and that's all I want.","VERONICA: [Lighting the candle] Well, happy birthday, Pop.","KEITH: Thanks, kid.","VERONICA: Do not forget to make a wish.","Keith smile, his eyes closed for a moment, seriously contemplates the cake and leans forward to blow out the candle. Veronica mimics him.","VERONICA: [Laughing and picking up the knife to cut the cake] Good one. To the opening strains of \"The New Kid\" by Old 97's, cut to the USA Border Grille & Diner. Troy's taxi has already got pulled up and as Troy gets out, the driver takes his case from the boot.","SONG: The new kid, he '","TROY: [Getting some cash out of his pocket] Let's uh, keep this between us, all right?","Troy slaps the money into the driver 's hand and takes his case.","SONG: He's got the goods but he's not Good for his word Troy enters the restroom of the dinner. He removes a package from a wind in the ceiling.","SONG: I should be rolling in it Troy gets into the BMW retooling and drives off. He's feeling pretty smug.","SONG: I've been working stiff As for justice The new kid he's got my girl Troy's cell rings. He grabs it as he drives.","SONG: The girl I used to have He got the looks you know","TROY: Hello.","SONG: Got them from his dad","SHAUNA: Hey baby, it's Shauna.","TROY: Can you feel the heat yet?","SONG: I should be kissing that girl","TROY: I am getting so close, baby, your panties should burst into flames any minute now.","SONG: We should be so in love There is no justice","SHAUNA: Troy, what's with this girl calling me? You gave her my number?","SONG: There's just dark stars above","TROY: Oh, whoa. What girl?","SHAUNA: Some girl named Veronica.","SONG: I'm gonna toil away Until my judgment day","TROY: [Disturbed] Uh, did not you see me soon, did you?","SONG: I will be rewarded for","SHAUNA: She caught me off guard. What was I-","SONG: The good things I did","Troy cuts Shauna off and grabs and rips open the package in something of a panic.","SONG: Believe me every year There is another one here Candies spill out of the package together with a note. Troy grabs the notes and sets it against the steering wheel to read it.","SONG: Do not you see, I used to be the new kid.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Sorry we did not get a chance to say goodbye, just wanted to wish you good luck at your new school and leave you to remember me by. It took me to a place where you were alone, right? In case you're wondering, the pacific Ocean Ocean. Say hi to Shauna for me. She sounds like a keeper.","TROY: [Hitting the steering wheel] Damn it! [And again] Damn it! [And again] Damn it!","Troy hangs his head and bangs the steering wheel yet again. Cut to the border customs sign advising declaration of all articles acquired outside the US. The various vendors show off their wares, Hank's Hummer. The light turns from green to green and Hank pulls forward. Hank's picture and her message: Hank \"Ziggy\" Zigman. Orange hummer - flat license: Z-Meister. He rips it from the board and approaches Hank.","OFFICER: Mr Zigman! [Holding up the fax] You wanna go ahead and turn over your contraband? Hank just stares at the fax and at the officer.","OFFICER: Step out of the car please. Hank gives a big sigh and drops his head, remembering the moment. Cut to Veronica. She is lying on her bed, eyes closed, listening to \"Such Great Heights\" by the Postal Service through headphones from a portable player resting on her stomach. She does not realize that she is vibrating on her desk. It stops and can be heard.","LIANNE: Hello sweetheart.","Cut to Lianne March, now with shorter hair, standing with her back against the wall of a sports stadium entry area.","LIANNE: First of all, I miss you so much. More than you could possibly imagine. You know what? I did not get one of your letters, but I will not tell you which one because I do not want you to try and find me. Veronica, you listen to me. I know you have a million questions but everything will make sense when the time is right, I promised. Cut back to the oblivious Veronica, barely nodding her head to the music.","LIANNE: [Offscreen] I'll be in touch soon. Trust me, okay? I love you.","SONG: They would see you like this great heights","LIANNE: [Offscreen] And could you tell your father I said happy birthday?","SONG: 'Come down now', they'll say But everything looks perfect from far away 'Come down","Fade. End."],"Show Title":"Veronica Mars","Episode Number":"01x05","Episode Title":"You Think You Know Somebody","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Veronica_Mars_01x06.json","Recap":["Logan pressures Duncan to run for class president against Wanda Varner's anti-09er platform. Duncan wins, but Veronica suspects that the election was rigged. Logan's father, A-list movie star Aaron Echolls, catches his son organizing Bumfights -like street fights. Abel Koontz fires his public defender, and Veronica discovers that Lilly's shoes, which were in her room after her murder, were found on Abel's houseboat."],"Transcript":["VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars Veronica runs up and sees the body of Lilly Kane (from 101 \"Pilot\")","VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's been a year since my best friend Lilly Kane was murdered.","Cut to Keith and Veronica watching a news report of the arrest of Abel Koontz (from 101 \"Pilot\")","TV: The Neptune Sheriff's Department HAS apprehended Abel Koontz Shoes and a backpack","Cut to Veronica with Keith's file is Lilly's death (from 101 \"Pilot\")","VERONICA VOICEOVER: The Lilly Kane murder file. Dad still has not given up on the case.","JAKE: [Offscreen] We went to Lilly and","Cut to the Kane residence. Duncan is at the dining table (from 103 \"Meet John Smith\")","JAKE:","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Duncan Kane. He used to be my boyfriend. Cut to a long view of the Kane family dinner (from 103 \"Meet John Smith\").","JAKE: I just want to see him passionate about something.","Cut to Veronica sitting in the outside area at school. Logan gives her a gesture, a fist with indexes and little fingers extended (from 102 Credit Where Credit's Due)","VERONICA VOICEOVER: And let's not forget Logan Echolls.","Cut to Logan smashing the headlights is Veronica's car (from 101 \"Pilot\")","VERONICA VOICEOVER: HAS Every school year obligatory psychotic","Cut to Logan In His SUV, flooring it away from Veronica (from 101 \"Pilot\")","VERONICA VOICEOVER: jackass . He's bear.","WEEVIL: You think you're","Cut to Veronica and Weevil outside his house (from 102 Credit where Credit's Due)","WEEVIL: this big outsider, push to shove, you're still one of them. You still think like one of them. End Previously. Gates are opening in front of a large, luxurious house. Logan is coming down the drive on a scooter. He is in a dressing gown. Behind him, his mother, Lynn, also in his nightwear, at the front of the house.","TOUR GUIDE: Here folks is the house of Aaron Echolls. Admiring voices can be heard as Logan reaches the gate. He get off his scooter. A \"Home of the Stars\" type tour bus is outside the gate and people are running toward Logan","LOGAN: [Antagonistic] Quite a show, huh? [Looks back at his mother, then to the crowd, derisory] Do not you people have lives? Logan picks up the newspaper","LOGAN: You do not see me poking around your trailer park, do you? Logan heads back up the driveway","FAN: Hey, uh, uh, are you the sound?","LOGAN: [Pausing and turning back to the crowd] I'm the guy telling you to get back on the bus and get out of my driveway.","LYNN: [Calling from the house] Logan! Come back in the house, honey.","The crowd is excited by the arrival of a large, chauffeur-driven car. Aaron Echolls gets out of the back of the","AARON: [Personably] Hey, you guys are out early. One woman asks for an autograph, another call \"Hi Harry!\" (whoops) and the mobster titters. Aaron heads over to them","AARON: [Reaching for the proffered pen and paper] Here. Logan signs some autographs. The fan who asked Logan if he was Aaron's his is taking pictures","AARON: [While signing] Hey Logan. Come here. The fans are delighted, Logan less than he tightens the belt to his dressing gown and joins his father","AARON: Get a few shots with my son, huh? Aaron takes off his glasses and puts his arm around Logan's shoulder","AARON: There you go. [Quietly, to Logan] Smile, Logan. Logan smiles by rote","AARON: [Less quietly, so the crowd can appreciate] Do not forget these folks pay for all of this, huh? Aaron beams at the crowd. Cut to Neptune High School. From an external shot, cut to Duncan entering a room where Jake Kane is leafing through some papers. There is a banner on the wall over elections. Jake is carrying a bag on his shoulder","DUNCAN: Thanks, Dad. [Taking the bag off his father's shoulder] You know I'm polled the rest of the soccer team? None of them want to see my junk.","JAKE: [Turning to face him] Well, now you're covered. Oh, you did not tell me that elections were this week. You should run. I think it would be a very impressive line on your college applications.","DUNCAN: Please Dad. All they do is sell candy and argue about prom decorations.","JAKE: Right, that's all they do now. [Patting his neck and leaving a hand on his shoulder] Until the reign of Kane.","DUNCAN: [Laughs, disbelieving] Dear god! May no one have just heard him say reign of Kane.","Cut to Veronica and Wallace having lunch","VERONICA: So, my dad wants to take me to the San Diego Zoo this weekend.","WALLACE: Aw, man, I love the zoo. Everyone gets excited about the monkey house. I'm a big cat man myself.","VERONICA: My dad's gone a little nutty with all these father-daughter days.","WALLACE: Yeah, I would like to go to the zoo with my dad.","VERONICA: Wallace, don't","WALLACE: But he's dead, so.","VERONICA: Okay. I hate myself. Are you happy?","WALLACE: Um-hum.","Wallace smiles and laughs softly. He looks up at the sound of a whistle. Veronica looks round. The camera pans round to a girl coming out of the school. This is Wanda. Her T-shirt says \"s*x & Drugs\" and \"Rock-n-Roll\"","WANDA: Yo! Man! Over here. Wanda beckons someone, someone who is delivering food. She takes the bag and pays him","WANDA: Keep the change. As for the delivery man leaves, a blonde cheerleader, carrying two boxes of delivered pizza and who we will learn Madison Sinclair, walks up to Wanda, hand on hip and gets into her face","MADISON: You're not allowed delivery.","WANDA: And you're not allowed to breathe my air. Go. Shoo [with gesture]. Return to Xanadu.","Madison is at the back of the road. Madison to stand behind Ms Dent, who is talking to someone. Madison, rather imperiously, Ms Dent on the shoulder taps","MADISON: Wanda Varner just had her food delivered.","MS DENT: [Slowly, staring at the pizza boxes] And that's wrong how?","MADISON: She does not have any Pirate Points. [On Ms Dent's incomprehension] Oh, I see. You're new.","MS DENT: [Indulgent of the rudeness] I am.","MADISON: Pirate points are earned by being a contributing member of the school.","MS DENT : [Glancing at the outfit] Cheerleading?","MADISON: [Obnoxiously] Is a sport. [Spotting a more likely ally] Oh, Mr Clemmons!","Madison leaves Ms Dent standing and heads for Vice Principal","MADISON: Mr Clemmons. Wanda Varner ordered in Chinese food. Mr Clemmons does not understand the nature of Wanda's actions as he and Madison stare in his direction. Cut to Wanda who is sitting with Felix, eating her Chinese food. She's laughing at something he's said. Clemmons approaches, Ms Dent in tow","CLEMMONS: Wanda, I know you know the rules. If you'd like having your lunch delivered, why do not you get more involved here at Neptune. Wanda snorts derisively","CLEMMONS: In the meantime, I'll have to confiscate your food. Wanda boils for a moment then springs up, has determined look on her face. She walked past Clemmons and Ms Dent toward Madison's table. Madison",": Oh, you little bitch! Without pausing, and with the encouragement of onlookers, she steps onto the seat and the table, planting one foot in one pizza and one foot in the other","WANDA: Oh, really?","CLEMMONS: Wanda! Be so kind to follow me to my office.","Wanda jumps off the table to follow Clemmons. Madison stares, mouth agape. The camera spins back to Wallace and Veronica, watching the show","WALLACE: Who is that girl?","VERONICA: That? Is Wanda Varner. Used to be in pep squad together.","WALLACE: You two seem less peppy.","Veronica smiles and snorts. Cut to a can of whipped cream being applied to the contents of a bowl. Keith enters the apartment just as can empties. The television is on the faint sound of its audio can be heard","KEITH: Hmm, all out, huh? Veronica adds chocolate sauce to her confection. Keith tiredly collapses into his armchair with a load sigh","VERONICA: Tough day?","KEITH: [Philip Marlowe impersonation] That's not the half of it. See, this lady walks in and you should've seen the getaway sticks on her. Says something's hinky with her old man.","VERONICA: [Adopting similar old movie black voice] D'ya put the screws to him?","KEITH: You are not kidding. He's blood like a canary.","Veronica is just finishing off her sundae","VERONICA: [Normal voice] Well, you're in luck, Philip Marlowe because it's a desert for dinner tonight and I've got a whole thing here.","KEITH: You know if Child Services Finds Out This, They Will Take You Away.","VERONICA: Well, that's a risk I'm willing to take.","Veronica downs a wide spoonful of her sundae","KEITH: Honey. Should you try something at the base of the pyramid food, you know, fruits and vegetables? Veronica looks down into her bowl and gasps","VERONICA: What is that? [Picking it out with her spoon] A maraschino cherry? She looks over her father, quite satisfied, pops it in her mouth and heads for the armchair into which she sits, leaving her father standing. He sighs and hits the trail sundae","TV: [Offscreen] The Lilly Kane murder case This catches Veronica's care and she watches the TV","TV: Took an unexpected turn this morning as Abel Koontz fired Convicted Killer His public appointed legal council. Forfeiting further appeals, the defendant is scheduled to die by lethal injection as early as next year As the commentator speaks, there is evidence of being arrested and brought in by Sheriff Lamb. There is a close-up of the bag in his left hand. In it, there is a pair of white sneakers, decorated with sparkles along the edge and wide laces of ribbon, pinks stars on white. On one of the shoes is drawn a heart with a name inside","TV: [Offscreen] And, coming up n Keith, Who has come to stand next to Veronica During the broadcast, switches the TV off with the remote control. He's going back to the kitchen","VERONICA: Why did he do that?","KEITH: Guess he's ready to die.","VERONICA: Well, what are you going to do about it? You do not believe he's guilty","KEITH: I hate to break it to you, honey. But nobody in Neptune cares what I believe in. They did not care when I was Sheriff, they sure did not care. This town's gonna have to find another conspiracy nut.","Veronica puts down her desert with a worried look. Cut to Veronica entering her green-tinged bedroom. She walks over to her jewelery box","LILLY: [Offscreen] Check you out, Veronica Mars. Veronica looks around, surprised. Lilly is standing in front of Veronica's wardrobe, holding a hanger with black garment on it","LILLY: You're like a rocker chick now. Lilly",": [Offscreen] You and I? We'd have a lot of fun together Cut,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,","VERONICA: Why are you here?","LILLY: Do not you watch any horror movies? [Ominously] Veronica",": Really?","LILLY: [Back to normal] Yeah, that, and kind of a side project, I dispense fashion advice.","Lilly grins","VERONICA: [Earnestly] Did Koontz do it? Lilly sucks","LILLY: Wish I could tell ya. She shrugs","VERONICA: Why would he have to kill you?","LILLY: Honestly. I was awesome, right?","VERONICA: [Smiling sadly] I miss you, Lilly.","With a cross between an \"ooh\" and an \"aww\", Lilly smiles and shrugs sympathetically. Veronica wakes up from her dream, a sad yet thoughtful look on her face. Cut to the journalism class. Veronica is dark, seated at the large central desk. The Neptune High School broadcasting service is on","TV: [Offscreen] So let's get you there and cheer on our teams in the last game of the regular season. In other Pirate news, school council elections","MS DENT: Morning, Veronica. I was thinking maybe you're interested in covering up for the student newspaper.","VERONICA: Sure. I'll write it up this afternoon.","MS DENT: The election's tomorrow.","VERONICA: And I can already see the headline. Brown-nosing, resume-packer wins in a landslide.","MS DENT: Maybe you wanna dig a little bit deeper.","VERONICA: I'll take it.","Ms Dent nods and exits. The announcer on Pirate TV is still droning on","TV: This morning, we'll be hearing from our first hopeful for the office of President, sophomore Wanda Verner. Duncan and Logan are sitting next to each other at the table. They glance up at the TV","WANDA: I'm Wanda Varner and I'm running for the office of student council president. Duncan turns to listen more carefully. Logan follows follows","WANDA: Let's be honest. Student government does not do jack.","Cut to the art room where one of the students starts to pay attention","WANDA: I'm here to promise you real change. If elected, I bet to abolish the unfair and elitist Pirate Points program for good. In the computer room, the geeks cheer","Wanda: God bless you and God bless America. Wanda salutes. The geeks clap as do the artists as do some of those in the journalism class. Veronica smiles broadly. Duncan is the last one left slowly clapping and he tails off. Behind him, Logan is less enthused. Duncan on the arm","LOGAN: Hey dude. Can she do that?","DUNCAN: giveth student councilor, student council taketh away.","LOGAN: No, we're not giving up those points, man, you gotta run.","DUNCAN: Actually, I do not.","Duncan turns back to his computer when he was playing solitaire. Logan stares at him. Cut to Corny unfurling a large poster. It is a skeleton Uncle Sam who advises: Give me Wanda or give me death","CORNY: Hey Wanda, check it out.","WANDA: Killer. Thanks.","Wanda is sitting with Veronica on a low wall in the outside area of \u200b\u200bthe school. Veronica is interviewing Wanda, using a small recorder","VERONICA: One of your campaign staff?","WANDA: I'm all about grass roots.","VERONICA: How do you account for your sudden popularity?","WANDA: Is not it obvious? It's class warfare, the haves versus the have-nots. You should understand that at school.","VERONICA: But it's more quotable if you say it out loud.","WANDA: Okay. The rich kids, they run things around here. They're the minority and they're corrupt. They get away with murder.","A student passing behind them shouts his support","RODNEY: Hey, give 'em hell, Wanda!","WANDA: You give 'em hell, Rodney! [Returning her attention to the interview] Pirate Points are just another way they reward themselves for so swell. They have all the power, we are the disenfranchised [with increasing stridence] but only because we let ourselves be. It's time to take action!","Veronica is impressed","WANDA: How was that? Was I quotable?","VERONICA: Yeah, I think I can find something there.","Veronica smiles. Note that there is no mention of the usual opening credits or theme song in this episode. Cut to logan's car pulling into a petrol station. The music is \"Still In Love Song\" by the Stills.","SONG: When we were lovers We were kissers We were holders of hands make believers We were losing time and You Just Said you'd rather live in tepee land Dick Casablancas and two other 09ers get out of the car and head into the station while turns off the ignition. He gets partially out, standing on the running board","LOGAN: Hey! Hook me up with a beverage, huh? As Logan exits the bus and walks round it to get to the pump, a beefy black guy walks towards his windscreen","HOMELESS VET: And what goes with an icy, cold beverage? A nice clean windshield.","LOGAN: No, you do not have to do that.","The man sprays the windscreen and starts cleaning it Logan gets the pump","LOGAN: The car was just professionally detailed.","HOMELESS VET: Ah, they got a lot of nerve calling themselves professionals.","The man wipes the squeegee onto a clothe and shows Logan the dirt","HOMELESS VET: Look at that. They just move the dirt around.","LOGAN: Man, A for effort but, uh, you're not getting paid for it.","HOMELESS VET: I do not remember asking.","The man turns to the sign behind him who says: Homeless Vet. Accepted donations. Logan just nods. Dick comes back to the car by Logan who is still filling it. They both watch the man","LOGAN: Hey, what about him?","DICK: Pretty well fed for a bum.","LOGAN: Yeah.","Logan finished filling the tank","LOGAN: [To the man] Hey, you army?","HOMELESS VET: Hell, no. United States Marine Corps.","LOGAN: That's even better, huh. LOGAN: What are you?","Logan giggles and walks back","LOGAN: What are you? About 240?","HOMELESS VET: Uh, in my prime.","LOGAN: Yeah? [Hey, I'm, uh, I'm putting together a little amateur boxing night. If you're interested.","Logan has a $ 100 bill which he sticks into a frame of the open window. The 09ers get into the car","HOMELESS VET: What do you want me to fight?","LOGAN: No, man. I want you to win.","HOMELESS VET: What do you think that you'd just come in here and buy me like that? Is that how it is?","LOGAN: Yeah, that's exactly how it's. I think we're on the same page.","HOMELESS VET: Get out of my face. Before I beat your ass for free.","LOGAN: All right, you follow yourself. [Accompanied by the appropriate squeegee actions] Chhu-chhu. [Grabbing the bill] You have a nice day.","Logan smirks at the man, starts the car and drives off. Cut to Neptune TV where one of the candidates is doing her thing","TV: And in conclusion, I promise to uphold the duties of presidency to the utmost of my ability. Thank you.","Cut to the students in the journalism class, listening to the broadcast. Veronica and Duncan are there, seated at the central table along with a punk rocker. Logan is standing next to him at the end of the table","PUNK ROCKER: Wanda's gonna blow this chick out of the water. [To Logan] You can kiss your precious Pirate Points goodbye. Logan does not respond but keeps his eyes fixed on television","AARON: [Offscreen] Duncan Kane. On the TV, Duncan's name in superimposed on an American flag. Military music belts out","AARON: [Offscreen] A natural leader. Duncan looks at the screen, seems vaguely and reacts in his familiar way","DUNCAN: What?","AARON: [Offscreen] Two time All League Soccer. Editor of the Neptune Navigator.","Duncan Kicking a Football; Duncan presiding over a group of students around the central journalism class table. Camera switches to Ms Dent who looks over at him. Duncan breathes out and slowly turns his head to look at Logan","AARON: [Offscreen] Three point nine two four grade point average. AARON: [Offscreen] National Honor Society. Logan is exceptionally pleased with himself and holds up both hands . National Merit semi-finalists","Cut to Veronica who just looks incredulous","AARON: [Offscreen] and all around, righteous dude. Aaron's picture of the dude with two other guys","AARON: Hi. I'm Aaron Echolls. [There are gasps among the watchers] And I've known Duncan Kane for a long time. He's the real deal. Duncan Kane for student body President.","LOGAN: [High voice] That's my dad.","Logan","LOGAN: All right! Some pat Duncan, who just looks serious and maybe a little pissed and throw out congratulations and messages wishing luck","MS DENT : That's the last of the five candidates. Madison struts into the classroom and hands to a sheet of paper to Ms Dent","MADISON: Good luck, Duncan. Veronica watches this with increasing distaste","MS DENT: Mark the letter of the corresponding candidate. Only one bubble will be counted. If none of the candidates receive a majority the top will be entered into a runoff election. Duncan shoots up from his seat","DUNCAN: [Sincerely] Please, whatever you do, just do not vote for me. Duncan glares at Logan who is not slow to take an opportunity","LOGAN: Did you hear that folks? He's humble to boot. God! This guy.","Ms Dent puts up: A) Duncan Kane B) Veronica Wanda Varner firmly marks her ballot paper at the B bubble. Cut to late, at Mars Investigations. Veronica is working on the laptop in the outer office. All the lights are out for the lamp on her desk","VERONICA VOICEOVER: If Lilly's ghost is going to be served, then I get my ass in gear.","VERONICA: Where to begin? Quotes:","Abel Koontz, Jake Kane, Celeste Kane, and Logan Echolls","Veronica Voiceover: How about the obvious? Abel Koontz was founded by Abel Koontz , a picture of him, on the file and on expanding it, there are four tabs: information, alibi, motive and evidence","[SCENE_BREAK]","She highlights the evidence of \"Confession\" Shoes, backpack, bloody clothing at home","VERONICA VOICEOVER: He gave a confession on the spot. But Dad was convinced that the mystery of the mystery of the family was in order. The three people were at the scene of the crime before he arrived. Jake Kane, beloved billionaire, Celeste Kane, renowned philanthropist Veronica pauses then clicks on a symbol, allowing her to add a new","VERONICA VOICEOVER file : [Typing] and Duncan. Each of the Kanes alibis was airtight. That is, until the day of death. Veronica ponders then looks in the direction of her father's office. Cut to Veronica's hands on the safe combination. She opens the safe","VERONICA VOICEOVER: I do not know what I'm looking for. But if there are any Lilly, then they're in Dad's safe. Veronica takes a little bit of stuff with smaller ones and pulls out of the smaller ones out. A time pass effect blows to other files","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Arrest record, evidence log, autopsy postponement. How many times to I look at this stuff. Until it starts making sense.","Cut to an overhead view of Veronica studying the files. Cut to a ring made up of cars parked in a circle, bed by the headlights. The music is the Red Onions' \"Feeling Alright\". Logan is master of ceremonies in the middle. There's a crowd of 09ers cheering throughout","LOGAN: [Shouting] All right, all right, all right! It's time for the main event. [Louder cheers] Gentlemen! In the red corner [holding up the red-gloved fighter] hailing from Balfour Port is Mighty Mike. And in the blue corner, hometown hero Logan leans over closer to the homeless man","LOGAN: [Quietly] What's your name?","HOMELESS FIGHTER: Robbo Roth [? Uncertain?]","LOGAN: [Shouting] Robbo Roth [? Uncertain?].","Cheering especially loudly is Dick who has a fistful of cash","LOGAN: All right, gentlemen, I want a clean fight. Go! The two men, unsteady on their feet, start to circle each other. The crowd urges them on. Cut back to Veronica. She puts a file on the big file and rummages a little more. She pulls out an envelope marked: Crime Photographs. Lillian Kane. DOD. BBZ. Crime No A-97-92184xx. 10.03.03. Case 18900-C2. Bedroom","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Where did this come from? Veronica opens the envelope and looks at the crime scene. Something catches her eye and she bends to examine it more closely.","VERONICA: It's impossible! It's Lilly's white sneakers with the heart Veronica hears a door slam. She hurriedly puts everything except the pictures back in the large file, stuffs it back into the safe and rushes to the outer office. She slams shut her laptop. She just gets the pictures when Keith walks in, she is a little out of breath","KEITH: Hey. VERONICA Hey, Dad.","Keith walks to his office as he goes in. Cut to High Neptune, the outside eating area. Veronica and Wallace are eating their lunch. On the 09ers table, they are eating take-out, including Duncan and Logan","VERONICA: [Offscreen] In a way, it's a little sad. You know, the end of an era. Wanda wins and no more Pirate Points. No more lunch delivery.","CLEMMONS: [Over the public address system] Attention students. The results of the election have been tabulated. There will be no runoff votes in any of the races.","DUNCAN: [Relieved] Thank god.","CLEMMONS: The winner in the office of secretary, Bryan Gibson.","A lot of the students have started to sing \"Wanda\". Logan looks around smugly","CLEMMONS: Vice President, Katie Keenan. And it gives me great pleasure to announce, the 2004-2005 SCA President, Duncan Kane. There are some cheers and a lot of boos. Logan stands on the table to gloat","LOGAN: That's how it's done! Corny, sitting next to a disappointed Wanda, is stunned","CORNY: That's a steaming crock, Clemmons.","WALLACE: There's no way Duncan Kane","VERONICA: Now I've got a story.","Cut to Veronica knocking on a classroom door. She opens it and goes inside.","Veronica: Mrs. Donaldson, did you get my message? The room is empty save for a teacher sitting at her desk, marking papers, at the far end of the room","MS DONALDSON: About inspecting the ballots.","VERONICA: And?","MS DONALDSON: My short answer? No. [Officious] My long answer would not be enough, but it does not mean the outcome.","VERONICA: The Student Charter says it is possible to lodge a formal protest.","Veronica goes into her bag and pulls out the Charter","MS DONALDSON: Which this is not. And if you had to read article 15 concerning student council elections; You would know that the votes have been certified, a faculty sponsor must approve any request for a recount.","VERONICA: That's it? So I need to rubberstamp this?","Mrs Donaldson looks up, a little alarmed. Cut to Veronica and Ms Dent coming down the school hallway","VERONICA: I think it's really cool That You're doing this.","MS DENT: Oh, I'm happy to help, Veronica. I just find it difficult to believe that someone would try and tamper with the student council election.","VERONICA: Well, you're new.","MS DENT: [Laughs] No one will let me forget it. All I'm saying is I admire your enthusiasm just don '","VERONICA: Fair and balanced, that's me.","They meet Mrs Donaldson in the hallway","VERONICA: As promised, one faculty sponsor.","MS DONALDSON: I'd like to speak with Ms Dent for a moment please.","The two teachers move over to the","MS DONALDSON: I can not believe you'd let her rope you into this.","MS DENT: I'm sorry.","MS DONALDSON: Look, Mallory. I've never heard of anything like this happening in a student election.","MS DENT: Is there really any harm Veronica double checking the votes.","MS DONALDSON: Well that's not the point. She's manipulating you. And I'd like to give you the chance to reconsider.","MS DENT: I \u200b\u200btell my students to be dogged. I tell them to follow hunches.","MS DONALDSON: [Condescendingly] All great. Certainly not telling you how to teach your class. But this is a student election and, um, I'm just giving you this go. For your own good.","MS DENT: I've signed the form, the request is official. [Shrugs] We'll see those ballots now.","They look over at Veronica, who smiles. Cut to a nerd machine. Wallace is feeding the machine. He is in the school with Veronica and Wanda. The machine finishes","VERONICA: What'd you get?","WALLACE: Duncan still wins with 743 votes. How many times are we going to run it?","VERONICA: No sign of anyone erasing nerds. No ballots missing. [Considering one ballot paper] Hey. Student 43059. Who the hell is the candidate E and why did you vote for her?","WALLACE: You think I'm not voting for the sister? And for what possible reason do you have my student ID number memorized?","Mrs Donaldson Enters from one of the inner offices","MS DONALDSON: [Supercilious] You can toss Those ballots in the recycle bin When You're done uncovering [Makes air quotes] corruption. She smugly saunters out. Veronica and Wanda exchange a glance then Veronica returns to the ballot papers","VERONICA: What?","WANDA: What is it?","VERONICA: Well if \"Wanda rulez\" why'd you vote for Duncan, you head case? I wanna find out who this kid is and what art room he voted in.","She passes the ballot to an offended","WALLACE Wallace : Yeah, and I want a statue of myself in the lobby lobby, holding a musket, staring down danger. Veronica and Wanda exchange","WALLACE: Since we are talking about stuff we want.","VERONICA: [Smiles sweetly] Please?","WALLACE: How hard was that?","Wallace goes over to one of the office computers and taps in the student ID number","WALLACE: Kevin Carney. He's got art first period.","Cut to an art room. Veronica enters and checks the teacher's desk and the rubbish bin. She walks over to the blackboard and sees the fifth name on the ballot. The other names are obscured by a pull down. She is a jumper and is a jumper, a) Wanda Varner B) Duncan Kane C) Laura Hildebrand D) Steve Whacker E) Melissa Lewis Comprehension. Cut to Clemmons office. Clemmons sits at his desk. Mrs Donaldson and Ms Dent are also there","MS DONALDSON: Well you saw the voting cards yourself. You certified the count. There's nothing left to argue, it's over.","VERONICA: Someone cheated.","MS DONALDSON: How?","VERONICA: There were two sets of ballot instructions.","MS DONALDSON: That simply does not make any sense.","VERONICA: Yes, it does. It makes perfect sense. [Offscreen on going to shot of Ms Dent writing the names on the blackboard] The classes heavily populated with 09er kids got the candidates names in the correct order. The classes that Wanda would have - band, autoshop, art - got the list with the candidates names reversed. When these students thought they were voting for Wanda, they actually gave their votes to Duncan.","MS DONALDSON: You do not really expect us to believe this.","MS DENT: We've invited the students from first period art. We could always ask them to review their bales.","She opens the door and has a large group of students stare in","CLEMMONS: Hold on. Clemmons gestures for Ms Dent to shut the door","CLEMMONS: Veronica. Exactly who do you accuse of doing this?","VERONICA: I'm not accusing anybody. Then again","Cut to the","VERONICA photocopy machine : [Offscreen] It would not be hard to find out which code was punched into the copy that made the bundle instructions.","MS DONALDSON: I had my student help make them.","VERONICA: And that would be who?","Cut to the photocopy machines and Madison's look of satisfaction","MS DONALDSON: [Offscreen] Madison Sinclair.","VERONICA: Well there you go. Mystery solved.","Clemmons ponders, then looks up at Mrs Donaldson who, for the first time, is not smug. Cut to a busy school hallway. Clemmons' voice rings out through the school through the public address system","CLEMMONS: Attention students. May I have your attention please? The students pause to listen. Cut to Clemmons","CLEMMONS: I regret to inform you that it has been a mistake in tabulating the election results. Back in the hallway, Veronica threads her way through the motionless crowd. She eventually reaches Madison, at her locker","CLEMMONS: There will be a runoff election Thursday between Wanda Varner and Duncan Kane.","VERONICA: [Cheerfully] Hi Madison. I heard you lost your student and help your student council spot. If you want to make a recommendation, Fridays, ee-uh, and Sloppy Joes are your best bet.","Veronica tsks and walks away, leaving Madison glaring after her. Cut to Veronica's room. She scanning in the crime szene pictures into her laptop","VERONICA VOICEOVER: I've been waiting for a moment alone to take a closer look at the photo of Lilly's bedroom on the night of her murder. The last thing I need to be Dad popping his head in and discovering that I've been poaching from his safe. Veronica enlarges an area of \u200b\u200bthe photos. Lilly's white sneakers with the heart. This achievement sends Veronica into a flashback. Lilly and Logan are talking softy in the cafeteria outdoor cafeteria, all lovey-dovey. Lilly has her leg slightly extended.","LILLY: All right, when do I get to do yours? Veronica, drawing the heart on Lilly 's sneaker","VERONICA: Finishing touches.","LOGAN: [Offscreen] Duncan?","LILLY: Oh, yeah, now that's just creepy.","The camera cuts back to the enlarged picture on Veronica's laptop. Veronica, visibly shaken, stretches over, phone and dials","TELEPHONE: Action News. This is Hank.","VERONICA: Hey. I'm a student from Neptune High and I'm doing a follow up story on Abel Koontz. I'm wondering if you could send me a copy of the piece you did on Koontz a couple days ago.","Cut to a Mexican roadside burger bar. Jake and Duncan are sitting in Jake's car, finishing off some food","JAKE: Do you know your mother?","DUNCAN: Agreed.","JAKE: What do you say we, uh, stop on the way home, knock out some, uh, campaign bumper stickers.","DUNCAN: When you say we","mean you JAKE : I mean, we're going to talk to some of my guys.","Duncan is not enthusiastic","JAKE: Oh, come on, Dunc. Look what you have done and you are not even trying. Imagine what you'd be able to do if you just put your heart into it.","DUNCAN: Cue inspirational music here.","JAKE: I'm so tired of your cynicism.","DUNCAN: Oh, Dad, I'm sorry, I mean, I mean, you know, that's what I think it's about to get out of my house.","JAKE: Well, I got news for ya. I'm not concerned about this election, I just want to see you Enthusiastic about something.","Duncan does not","respond JAKE: Look. Your happiness. Is all I've ever wanted. Father and son stare at each other. Then Duncan gives a little chuckle","DUNCAN: Well what if I find happiness living in a grass hut, carving driftwood figurines for tourists?","JAKE: I feel confident you have greater ambitions than that. But, if you're, uh, happy and committed to driftwood carving, be the best driftwood carver you can be. After you've graduated from Stamford, [Duncan groans and nods] Law School, [Duncan chuckles] Suma cum laudi [Duncan laughs out loud]. See that! You're already smiling.","And he is. Cut to school. Veronica rounds a corner and hears something of a hubbub as students, and now Veronica, see that Wanda's posters have been defaced. The word \"NARC\" has been sprayed on them. Kane bumper sticker on it. She's going to the opposite lockers where Wanda is just closing hers. It has been marked \"","[SCENE_BREAK]","WANDA: I think the opposite campaign just went negative. [Slamming her locker shut] I'm gonna kill whoever did this!","VERONICA: They're just posters. You still own the message.","WANDA: They're not just posters. They spray painted \"Narc\" on the hood of my car.","VERONICA: You know they only thing the word \"narc\" because it would hit your home with your constituency.","WANDA: I should not find that comforting. Goal I do.","VERONICA: Well, why do not you come out tonight and we'll make new posters. [With growing, fake, enthusiasm] And I'll get some puppy paint and an Avril Lavigne CD and it'll be just like our pep squad days.","Wanda plays along and claps","WANDA: Awesome. She strikes a perky pose with hands on hips, straight out of \"Bring It On\". Veronica laughs and then gets very serious","VERONICA: Okay, do not do that.","Cut to the journalism room where Duncan sits at the central desk looking at some clippings. He glances over to where we will see that Logan is sitting at one of the computers. Veronica enters and heads straight for Logan","VERONICA: Bravo, Logan. It's a new low. And just when the critics were having some doubts. Logan looks over towards Duncan, then back at Veronica","LOGAN: Mmm. Must be talking about your, uh, narc friend, WWW-Wanda. [Laughs] Well, that's another bad guy. [Off Veronica's hard look, and maybe seriously, maybe not] Look, I just don't'have time to be responsible for every little thing that goes wrong in your life. He laughs again and gets up from his chair for the other side of the room. Veronica turns to Duncan","VERONICA: So, was it your idea or did you just play it your usual way? Veronica crouches by the desk","DUNCAN: What's my usual way?","VERONICA: Oh, you know, Duncan. You do not initiate trouble. You do not initiate much of anything anymore.","She takes a deep breath","DUNCAN: Do not stop there, Veronica. Say it. What's my usual way?","VERONICA: [With deliberation on each word] You stand idly by.","Duncan just stares at her. After a break, Veronica gets up and heads to the other side of the desk, leaving Duncan lost in his thoughts. In the meantime, Dick has come into the classroom and approached Logan","DICK: Gotta check out \"The Smoking Gun\" website.","MS DENT: Excuse me, we're in the middle of a class here.","DICK: Dude, you're famous.","Dick exits. Logan heads for one of the computers. From the Neptune High School (Neptune High School) The Neptune High School (Neptune High School), Neptune High School, Neptune High School, Neptune High School, Neptune High School, Neptune High School The area is dominated by the local Universities and Adjunct Research and Development Colleges of the United States and the United States. ice creams captioned: The Pirate Points To Hold The Pirate Points Holders On The \"The Gun Gun\" website, the featured document shows a picture of Aaron. Aaron Echolls his caught bruising bums for cash. October 23 - In twisted and horrific brutality Aaron Echolls sound, Logan Echolls, has been participating in organized fights. The only catch is, the fighters are homeless men. A tip to TSG for a video tape shot by a spectator. Logan smiling and cheering at the battle. No word as of yet from Aaron's publicist for comment on the matter. But we are sure the Echolls' household is none too pleased with this barbarity and tarnishing their Hollywood perfection. Click to View Video. * Caution * Contains Graphic Images. The video shows Mighty Mike kicking the stuffing out of the other guy Logan clapping and cheering. As he watches, he looks in his face, he is in deep, deep trouble. Cut to Veronica's room. Fresh Wanda posters are everywhere. Veronica is lying down on her bed, being raised on her elbows doing her fingernails and is sitting on the floor doing her toenails","WANDA: So, what's the story with you and Weevil?","VERONICA: Weevil? There's no story. Why?","WANDA: No reason. Lilly's bad boy thing. But I guess I was wrong.","VERONICA: Lilly had more of a boy thing.","WANDA: Are you sure? Lilly and Weevil never, because I heard-","VERONICA: [Laughing] Never!","WANDA: Okay.","Wanda picks a book off the floor, about making it into top colleges","WANDA: So. Is this one any good?","VERONICA: Umm, I, uh, I do not know, I have not read it.","WANDA: Yeah. Most of these college guys are pretty unreadable. So what's your first choice? Ivy? Baby Ivys? Seven Sisters? Liberal Arts? East Coast?","VERONICA: It gives me a panic attack to just think about it.","WANDA: Yeah. I really want to go to Williams. Now all of a sudden the SATs.","VERONICA: I think we're in the same boat.","Cut to the Echolls' residence. It is dark and logan is carrying his shoes, coming in quickly but quietly. To no avail","LOGAN: Hey, Dad. Aaron is across the room, sitting in the dark. Logan gives an uncomfortable grin which fades and he is clearly nervous","LOGAN: What are you doing up?","AARON: I could not sleep. What with the phone ringing every five minutes. \"Access Hollywood\", [Rising from his seat] \"Entertainment Tonight\", \"Walking inexorably towards an increasingly wary Logan\" \"E\". Any guesses what they wanted to talk about? My charity work? No. My latest Christmas movie? No.","Aaron reaches Logan and plants a hand, heavily, on the back of Logan's shoulder. He turns to his arm around Logan","AARON: They wanted to talk about my son's latest opus. \"Skid Row Boxing\". Aaron bends his arm on his back. His tone throughout has been steady, but menacing. Logan puts his hand to his eyes","LOGAN: Look, Dad, I, uh I did not know what - Aaron grasps the back of Logan's neck hard","AARON: [Dangerously soft] I have to say that your performance was really impressive. [Louder] The way you play the ungrateful his determined to humiliate his father was [shouting] utterly impressive. With that, Aaron flings Logan across the room. Logan lands face down on a sofa and scrabbles round his face, still half-lying across it. Logan's expression is caught between fear and readiness","AARON: [Shouting] Do you have any idea what you just cost this family? [Taking it down a few notches] Of course you do not. You never had to work for anything in your life. [Softly] Well, tomorrow, after school, you're going to get your first lesson in public relations. A look of disappointment seems to flit across Logan's face","AARON: [Almost whispering] Logan. Do not you ever embarrass me again. Aaron walks away. Logan watches him as he steadies his breathing and pulls himself into a sitting position, almost defiant but very shaken. Cut to the outside of the Neptune High. Veronica is encouraging passing students","VERONICA: Vote for Wanda. [On him] Weevil. [Holding out a \"Go Wanda\" sticker] Put one on the back of your bike?","WEEVIL: Naw. I'm not going to vote for that narc.","VERONICA: Come on, Weevil. You know better than to believe everything you hear at this school, that's just dirty politics.","WEEVIL: You might want to explain that to Felix. Somehow the Sheriff found out that the \"Welcome to Neptune\" signs are hanging up in his bedroom, a week after he hooks up with your Wanda girl. Now how did that happen, huh? Now homeboy's got four weekends of highway clean up.","Weevil raises his eyebrows, turns and walks into the school. Veronica is thoughtful. Cut to the hallway. Veronica catches up with Wanda","VERONICA: Hey, superstar. Are you nervous?","WANDA: I'm so embarrassed but yes.","VERONICA: Well, I think we should celebrate this weekend. Win or lose. I heard about this rave out in the desert. And we can make it if we leave directly after school tomorrow.","WANDA: Bitchin '. I'll tell my mom I'm spending the night at your place.","VERONICA: Provisions? With a capital E, absolutely. But I know a guy.","WANDA: Oh, jealous. Wish I knew a guy.","Wanda wanders off. Cut to journalism class. Veronica takes her seat at the large table in the center as a student hands in her work","STUDENT: Here you go, Ms Dent. The television comes on Clemmons broadcasts. Duncan is at his place in the office of","CLEMMONS: We will be voting simultaneously to prevent confusion. By now everyone should have their scantron nerds. The art room is ready","CLEMMONS: All right. Here goes. If you'd like to vote for Duncan Kane, mark \"A\" Veronica's pencil hovers over the ballot form","CLEMMONS: and if you'd like to vote for Wanda Varner, mark \"B\".","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Let's see. On the one hand, we have the hot cold ex-boyfriend and heir to the status quo. On the other, the potential duplicitous new friend and champion to the disenfranchised.","Veronica flashes back to a scene in the school outdoor cafeteria. Duncan is playing with his hand, Logan and Lilly are opposite and at the table. A boy at the place","LOGAN: [To his own group] Wanna hang out? And I'll impress you with my diving skills. Logan looks at the newcomer and then at Duncan who just raises a quizzical brow","LILLY: Oh, did you hear that Becky Lacey is trying out for mascot?","DUNCAN: Really.","Dick in the meantime has unceremoniously grabbed the newcomer's tray and place it on the next table. He slaps the newcomer on the back","DICK: Table's ready. Lucky looks at Dick and the scared newcomer, Logan looks at Duncan","DUNCAN: You know what, man? Duncan twists round In His seat and gets the tray and places it back in front of _him_","DUNCAN: You're fine Where You Are. Dick, here, can find his own spot. Duncan returns to playing with the hand of an impressed, if drippy, Veronica. Modern day Veronica sweeps back, Duncan staring over, pencil still poised. Cut to Aaron filling his car with petrol. His cell phone rings","AARON: Yeah. [Listens] I know I'm late Marty. Look, is this the closest homeless shelter you could find? Logan is sitting in the passenger seat","AARON: No. Never mind. Are the cameras ready. Good. Aaron finishes his call and filling the tank","AARON: All right. Now this is how this is gonna work. They're gonna get a few shots of you volunteering at the kitchen, then I'm gonna join you for an interview with the TV crews, you got it?","LOGAN: What do you want me to tell them?","AARON: What do you think, Logan? That you're sorry. That you're bone-headed. And that ya screwed up. I'll take care of the rest.","Aaron's cell phone rings again. Logan listens in","AARON: Vince! What's happening? [Listens] Yeah, I got the script. I've seen better writing on cereal boxes. [Listens, guffaws] Oh, big deal. The man has not made a watchable movie since the seventies. Are they gonna meet my quote? [Listens] Hot damn! Aaron holds the phone to his chest to speak to Logan","AARON: Sound! How do you argue with eight figures? [Logan nods] Ya can not. Can not be done. Aaron giggles and returns to his call","AARON: Okay. Have 'em to draw up the contract.","HOMELESS VET: [Offscreen] Hey. [Coming into view on Logan's side of the bus] It's Don King. Hey, you got some sucker who's willing to make a bitch outta hisself for cash?","Logan does not respond and walks away, not disguising his disgust. Aaron, sunglasses on,","AARON: All right. You ready to do this?","LOGAN: Yeah.","Aaron switches on the engine of sports and turns on the stereo. The intro to America's \"Ventura Highway\" plays. He drives out of the station, Logan stares at him with an expression bordering on hate. Cut to the homeless shelter. The first part of the song plays under the action","SONG: Chewing on a piece of grass Walking down the road Tell me, how long do you gonna stay here Joe? Some people say this town do not look Good in snow You do not care, I know Waitin 'on a falling star Watchin' for the early train Sorry boy, but I've been hit by Purple rain Aw, come on Joe, you can always Change your name Thanks a lot, just the same Wishin 'we're a star Watchin' for the early train Sorry boy, but I've been hit by Purple rain Aw, come on Joe, you can always Change your name Thanks a lot, just the same Logan is one of three helpers dishing up food. Cameras flash as he reserves one of the homeless","HOMELESS MAN: Thank you. The camera pans round to show a number of homeless people eating at tables. There '","AARON: Hey, thanks a lot.","PRODUCER: Mr Echolls, we're ready for you anytime.","AARON: Catch you guys later. Logan!","They meet in front of the cameras, Aaron 's arm around Logan' s shoulders, Logan 's around Aaron' s back. Logan smiles for the cameras","AARON: Excuse me! Uh, I just wanted to say that my father was not an educated man. He dropped out of school after the eighth grade so he could go to work in the new automotive plant in Pontiac, Michigan. And he once told me something that I'll never forget. He said his, the good heart is worth all the heads in the world put together. Now my son here is the first one to admit that he was not using his head. But I promise each and every one of you, that this boy, this boy has a great heart. The crowd awws at the saccharine performance. Logan laughs","LOGAN: Um. I know now that, uh, that what I was wrong. I'm really sorry. I, uh, I only hope that one day I can live up to my dad's good example. Logan turns to his father. They hug","LOGAN: I love you. [On stepping out of the hug] Okay, look, uh, I know you do not want to make a big deal out of this [] but I'm just so proud of him that I, I can not keep it a secret. Aaron keeps his proud face, and looks at it. Logan is saying","LOGAN: Dad told me he's donating half a million dollars to the Neptune foodbank. The crowd gasps and applause breaks out","LOGAN: Way to go, Dad. Logan claps. Aaron is angry and has a hard time on his face. It's back when he turns to the crowds and laughs. Logan puts his arm around Aaron's back and rests his head on Aaron's head. The cameras go wild. \"Ventura Highway\" hits the chorus","SONG: Ventura Highway in the sunshine Where are you going to go? The nights are stronger Than moonshine You're gonna go I know 'Cause the free wind is blowin' through Your hair and the days surround your daylight There Seasons crying no despair Alligator lizards in the air Seen through the glass fronts of a wardrobe, Logan approaches and slides. The section contains belts, hanging from one side of the walls of the closet. He considers them, and then chooses one, feeling its weight. He takes his time folding it in his hand. He slides the door closed. Logan reappears in the hand part of the Echolls house, walking quickly to his father's study. Posters of Aaron are standing on the walls. Logan pauses at the door, belt in hand, and enters his father's acknowledgment of him. Aaron holds out his hand for the belt. He unfurls the belt and goes to close the door. As he does, Logan can be seen lifting his shirt. To the sound of a belt on flesh, the camera slowly to the round to reveal Lynn, sitting on a sofa, drinking a highball. (How - powerful, beautifully played.) Cut to Veronica at school. Another student approaches with a slip of paper","STUDENT: Hey Veronica. Deputy wants to inspect your locker. He hands over the slip and considers it","VERONICA VOICEOVER: You'd think I'd quit being white surprised at finding a knife in my back. Veronica shakes her head. Cut to the school hallway. Deputy Sacks and Clemmons are waiting for her locker","DEPUTY SACKS: Ah, Veronica Mars.","VERONICA: We meet again.","CLEMMONS: The Sheriff's Department has asked me-","VERONICA: I could just give you my locker combination, save a lot of trouble.","Veronica opens her locker. Sacks pulls out her backpack and sets it down on the floor. Crouching down, he searches it. He pulls \"Cat in the Hat\" red and white stripped hat. His search is fruitless","DEPUTY SACKS: Nothing.","VERONICA: There's a couple of suckers. [Off Sack's glare] In the bag if you want one.","Sacks and Clemmons exchange a look. The public address system starts","MS DONALDSON: This is Mrs Donaldson, the student council advisor. I'm pleased to announce that the winner of the presidential council is Duncan Kane. The students in the hallway react variously depending on allegiance. Veronica sees Wanda in the distance. She grabs some Wanda stickers, shuts her locker and hurries to speak to her","VERONICA: Wanda! I guess we're not going to rave in the desert.","WANDA: You do not understand.","VERONICA: You're right. I do not. Why don '","WANDA: I got busted last year for possession. This was the only way they would keep it off my record. I'd never get into Williams with a drug load on my file.","VERONICA: So you were willing to wreck my future to save your own.","Wanda does not have an answer. Veronica turns away in disgust","WANDA: Veronica! This was not just about getting into college. If I would have won, I would have done what I promised. We would have changed the way things work around here.","VERONICA: You know what? [Handing over the stickers] No hard feelings. I did not vote for you.","Veronica leaves Wanda standing. Cut to a classroom. Veronica is lining up a shot of Mrs Donaldson and the new president","MS DONALDSON: Well, it's been a crazy week, uh, but I am proud to introduce your new student body president, Duncan Kane. The crowd crowd in the room applaud. Jake can be seen standing and clapping at the doorway. Duncan moves up to the small podium","DUNCAN: Thank you Mrs Donaldson. And now, my first act as President, I would like to make sure that I do not have a single Pirate Point. [Applause] But you know what? In addition to varsity sports, I would like to make sure that students in the band, students who make honor role, students who perform in school plays, that write for the school newspaper ... [Glances at Veronica] should be eligible to earn Pirate Points. [One person cheers and applauds the rest of the council is non-responsive] And they should share in the benefits. Okay. So what kind of candy should we sell this year. Jake is proud of his son. Cut to Veronica entering Keith's office. She goes to the safe, purpose can not open two DESPITE Attempts","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Dad changed the combination. He knows.","Cut to Veronica entering the apartment. Keith is on the couch, reading.","KEITH: [Pointing] Package for you.","VERONICA: Oh great.","KEITH: Something from Action News?","VERONICA: Oh, uh, nothing, a tape for a journalism project. Just to compare and contrast TV news with, uh, local print coverage.","KEITH: Hmm.","Veronica takes the envelope with the tape and heads for her pauses and considers what she is doing. Keith watches her closely. She turns back and sits in the flesh","VERONICA: I'm lying. You know I'm lying. I do not want things to be so between us anymore.","KEITH: Like what?","VERONICA: Like our own game of spy vs spy. You know I was in the safe. And I know you're still investigating Lilly's murder.","KEITH: I was. I'm not anymore.","VERONICA: Why not? Dad, we're running out of time.","KEITH: I used to think that the case was the key to our happiness. Solve the case and my reputation is restored. Solve the case and your mom comes home. Solve the case and you go back to being a normal teenage girl.","VERONICA: So let's do it, let's solve the case-","KEITH: Wait, Veronica. What I believe in now is that we make the most of what we have here and now. I believe in going to the zoo with the person I love the most.","VERONICA: [Holding out the envelope] This is not a school project. It's the footage of Abel Koontz's arrest. [Taking the video out of the envelope] And I need to show you something. [Getting the crime scene pictures out of her bag] This is an enlargement of a crime scene photo taken from the night of Lilly's murder.","Veronica hands the photo to Keith then takes the video to the player under the television. She switches it on","TV: The defendant is scheduled to die as soon as possible. Veronica freezes the tape on Lilly 's shoes as held up by Lamb. Keith looks at the photo","KEITH: What are those shoes doing in Abel Koontz's possession?","VERONICA: Good question."],"Show Title":"Veronica Mars","Episode Number":"01x06","Episode Title":"Return of the Kane","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Veronica_Mars_01x17.json","Recap":["Veronica finds Abel Koontz's daughter, Amelia DeLongpre, and searches for evidence that Jake Kane paid Abel to falsely confess to Lilly's murder before Clarence Wiedman gets to Amelia. Veronica is hired to find out who is mysteriously harassing a classmate."],"Transcript":["VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars\ufffd Keith stands over Lilly's body and Veronica runs up to see (from 101 \"Pilot).","VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's been a year and a half since my best friend Lilly Kane was murdered.","Cut to Weevil in Rebecca's office (from 112 \"Clash of the Tritons\").","WEEVIL: I never would have hurt her.","Cut to Veronica listening in the car.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Lilly and Weevil?","Cut to Veronica searching through Dr Levine's medical records (from 114 \"Mars vs Mars\").","VERONICA VOICEOVER: So what is the mystery condition that's causing your ex-boyfriend and possible half-brother to black out.","Cut to Duncan standing over Veronica at the computer from the same episode. Cut to Veronica and Leo in the same episode. Cut to Wiedman walking to his office (from 111 \"Silence of the Lamb\").","VERONICA: Did you know that Clarence Wiedman, Head of Security at Kane Software, was the one that made the tip call that got Abel Koontz arrested? Cut back to Veronica and Leo (from 114 \"Mars vs Mars\"). Cut to Veronica talking to Koontz in prison.","VERONICA: You're dying, Abel. Cut back to Veronica and Leo.","VERONICA: Did you know that there's a traffic ticket that proves that Lilly's time of death is three hours off?","Cut to Veronica, and Duncan behind her, watching Jake and Celeste (from 110 \"An Echolls Family Christmas\").","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Jake and Celeste. Either of them could have gone home on their own and killed Lilly.","JAKE: What did you do?","End previously. The scene opens from where it left on in 116 \"Betty and Veronica\", with Veronica looking at the Neptune Register obituary for Stella Koontz.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: So Abel Koontz has a daughter. And now Clarence Wiedman knows that I know. But what do I really know? That Jake Kane bought a dying man's confession? That the Kane family needed a fall guy? Amelia DeLongpre. Veronica opens \"Private Eyez\" and searches for Amelia.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: She's the one person who can prove my theory. I have to track her down before Clarence Wiedman finds her and\ufffdLoyola Marymount? What do you know? She lives in LA. Veronica grabs her keys, bag and coat and races out of her room. Cut to a student working on her bed, books spread about her. There is a firm knock at the door.","COLLEGE STUDENT: [Without looking up] Hello? The knocking continues. With a hint of frustration she goes to the door.","WIEDMAN: Hello. Ms DeLongpre?","COLLEGE STUDENT: Uh, who are you?","WIEDMAN: I'm looking for Amelia DeLongpre.","COLLEGE STUDENT: I'm-I'm sorry. She left about five minutes ago with some friend of hers.","WIEDMAN: Could you describe this friend?","COLLEGE STUDENT: Tiny, blonde, cute as a bug.","Cut to the college parking lot where Veronica is leading Amelia towards her car. It's night.","AMELIA: I'm sorry. I don't think I can do this. I don't even know you.","VERONICA: Your father's attorney, Clif-Mr McCormack sent me to get you. We found some new evidence, evidence that may prove your father is innocent.","AMELIA: What?","VERONICA: [Opening the car door] Amelia, get in the car. If you don't get in the car, you're putting yourself in danger.","AMELIA: I haven't spoken to my father in years. I don't understand.","VERONICA: You're a threat to the Kane family now that you know about the payoff.","AMELIA: What payoff?","VERONICA: You just told me you're receiving millions in Kane Software stock.","AMELIA: But mom said that was an out of court settlement.","VERONICA: [Urgently] It's not a settlement. It's a payoff. For pleading guilty to the murder of Lilly Kane. Your father is innocent.","Cut to the front of the Ocean Beach Hotel as Veronica's car pulls up. Then to a room inside as they enter.","VERONICA: Not exactly the Ritz but hopefully you'll only be here for a couple of days.","AMELIA: [Looking around] Exams are next week. One dank room is as good as the next. You know, I think this might actually be perfect.","VERONICA: Before you dive in, you need to call your mother and have her overnight the Kane settlement documents right away. Tell her to pay in cash and make sure she uses a fake name.","AMELIA: What will those prove?","VERONICA: They'll prove your father's being paid to take the fall. And don't use your cell phone. Use this [handing her a cell]. It's not traceable.","AMELIA: Okay. But I have to be able to take calls from my boyfriend. Unless you also want the police, marines and the National Guard out looking for me. I'll check the caller ID. Only him. No one else.","VERONICA: No one else. And Amelia? He can't know your location.","Veronica heads for the door.","AMELIA: Veronica?","VERONICA: [Pausing at the door] Yeah?","AMELIA: Have you\ufffdhave you seen him? You know, in prison?","VERONICA: Yeah.","AMELIA: How\ufffdhow is he?","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Dying. But if you know that, it's doubtful you'll help me.","VERONICA: He's doing fine.","Opening credits. Cut to a teacher handing out test papers and closing the classroom door, bearing a notice: Testing In Progress - Quiet Please. Veronica passes the door as she walks down the hallway.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: As if I didn't have enough stress in my life, today marks that orgy of tension known as midterms. Veronica pauses on hearing and seeing a student kicking her locker in frustration.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Some handle it better than others.","Cut to a part of the classified ads in a newspaper. The focus is on a phone s*x ad: I'm Miss Sabrina. The only thing I won't do\ufffdis say no.","SABRINA: Top right. Yes, that's my face that you see on a phone s*x ad. The camera pulls back to show the girl who was kicking her locker is now standing at the front of a classroom, speaking to a teacher who is holding the newspaper. She is covered in grim.","SABRINA: I was getting phone calls for this all night long. I got zero sleep and my dad's a doctor, we can't just unplug the phone.","DICK: [Coughing his words] I've been bad.","There are titters and smirks in the classroom. The teacher throws Dick a warning glance.","SABRINA: And this morning, someone let the air out of my tire. It's not fair.","TEACHER: Of course, Sabrina. We'll find a time for you to take the test la-","HAMILTON: Oh, wait. What happened to you're late, too bad, no exceptions.","TEACHER: Mr Cho? When someone personally attacks you, we'll talk. Go to the library, we'll reschedule.","SABRINA: Thanks.","As Sabrina leaves, Hamilton Cho leans forward in his seat to whisper to Dick in front of him.","HAMILTON: How 'bout, when my mom's elected school board president, we'll talk. Dick laughs. Cut to the girls restroom. Veronica is washing her hands. Sabrina marches in.","SABRINA: Veronica? I heard this was kind of like your office. I need your help.","VERONICA: A little club soda on the sleeves?","SABRINA: This is because I had a flat. I had to change it myself and there was no hole, somebody just let the air out. Do you know Caz Truman?","VERONICA: Basketball player, drives a Yukon?","SABRINA: Yeah. I broke up with him two months ago and since then he's been harassing me. This is just the latest of these so-called pranks. I hear that you do things. I need you to make him stop.","VERONICA: Gee, I'd love to help Sabrina but I have midterms of my own.","SABRINA: This is important. I'll pay you. Every night when I'm trying to study there's some new catastrophe.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: I am broke and Amelia's hotel room is seventy bucks a day.","VERONICA: Are you sure it's Caz?","SABRINA: Oh, this is so Caz, totally immature. Here. [She hands Veronica cash] I can give you a hundred now and four more when you prove that it's him. And the sooner the better because I already have to reschedule my AP history test.","Sabrina stalks out of the restroom. Veronica counts the money. Cut to the school parking lot. Veronica is perched on the window frame of her car. She looks around until she sees Caz, whereupon she hops down and keeps pace next to him..","CAZ: Veronica Mars. What do you want?","VERONICA: [Rapidly] Caz, I'm kind of busy so let's play this at fast forward. I ask you to stop harassing Sabrina Fuller. You deny it. I eventually catch you. You're suspended, dropped from basketball and made the subject of a news blurb that everyone chuckles at in the papers. So stop harassing Sabrina, okay?","CAZ: Look, I'm not harassing Sabrina.","They've reached Caz's Yukon and he opens the back before turning to her. He loads his stuff in.","VERONICA: Caz! Did you listen? The flat tires, the escort ad, the midnight crank calls-","CAZ: Wa-wa-wait. She said I did this? We-we've had problems but no way. I would leap off the roof of that school if she asked me, you know.","VERONICA: Very caring gesture but-","CAZ: I swear it wasn't me. [Closing up the car] Now, I'm late for the gym but when you catch whoever did this, you tell me, okay, 'cause I will smash his face in. I mean, seriously.","Caz gets into the car.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Why is it that the Caz's of the world are forever in transit between romantic failure and the gym?","Cut to Veronica's laptop screen. It is headed: Lilly Kane Murder Investigation. The desktop is a picture of Lilly and Veronica taken at the Kanes on the night of the limo party. There is a choice of four folders: crime scene, interview transcripts, suspects and timeline. Veronica has hit the file for suspects. That brings up further folders in the names of Abel Koontz, Jake Kane, Duncan Kane, Celeste Kane, Logan Echolls, Eli 'Weevil' Navarro and Clarence Wiedman.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Sabrina says Caz strikes only at night. That gives me a couple hours before I need to get over there. Time enough to prepare my case for Amelia, prove to her that her father is allowing himself to be executed in order to make her wealthy. Veronica is working seated on the small couch in Mars Investigations. The phone on her desk rings and she rises to answer, leaving her laptop open on the table by the couch.","VERONICA: Mars Investigations.","MR WILSON: Is Keith Mars available?","VERONICA: No, he's in a meeting.","Cut to Keith, sitting back in his chair.","KEITH: You want me to find a call girl for your husband? Keith's client is a middle-aged red-head who, according to IMDb is called Mrs Drake.","MRS DRAKE: Yes. He likes blondes.","KEITH: Look, I don't know if you were looking for pimp in the phonebook and just stopped at PI-","MRS DRAKE: I want her to take him to a motel and when he's in a compromising position, you get the... what's it called? The, um-","KEITH: Money shot?","MRS DRAKE: Exactly. Prenup violated. Settlement for me. Bonus for you.","KEITH: Sounds sweet. But if we go by the letter of the law, it's entrapment.","Veronica knocks softly then opens the door.","VERONICA: Dad, Mr Wilson is asking about-","MRS DRAKE: The law? Look, if you don't want to do it, I'll take my business elsewhere. [Standing] Perhaps Mr Vincent Vanlowe isn't as interested in the letter of the law.","KEITH: [Standing] Yeah, well, just know if you go with Mr Vanlowe there's every chance you'll get the Vinnie classic.","MRS DRAKE: And what does that mean?","KEITH: That means, Vinnie goes to bust your husband, gets his proof then goes back to him and says for double her money, I'll tell the wife you're a choir boy.","Keith hands the unhappy Mrs Drake her papers back and she leaves. He and Veronica share a look which includes Veronica rolling her eyes. She goes back into the main office. Logan is sitting on the couch, looking intently at the laptop.","LOGAN: What is it with the Mars' family? Veronica races to the laptop, slamming it shut, grabbing it and taking it back to her desk.","LOGAN: God, Veronica, and you really believe Lilly's murder was some sort of vast conspiracy?","VERONICA: I don't know what you saw.","LOGAN: A file on Duncan.","VERONICA: [Seriously] There's a file on everyone.","LOGAN: [Standing] Yeah. It's thorough. And I'm glad my alibi held up.","VERONICA: Out of the country. Two eye witnesses, it's airtight.","LOGAN: [Standing in front of Veronica's desk] Hey, what do you think Lilly would make of you investigating all the people who loved her?","VERONICA: [Sombrely, pointing to her chest] I loved Lilly. Maybe if I didn't I'd be able to drop this.","Veronica sinks into her chair. Logan watches for a moment then takes something out of his pocket.","LOGAN: Okay, I just came to give you this. He holds out a folded cheque.","LOGAN: Hey, thanks, for, uh, you looking for my mother. Veronica takes the cheque and gazes at it.","VERONICA: Your mom was always nice to me. Veronica folds the cheque and carefully tears it up. Logan is surprised then gives a half smile. He turns and leaves the office.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Way to think it through, Veronica. Ripping up Logan's check was a noble gesture but who's going to pay for Amelia DeLongpre's hotel room?","Cut to Amelia's hotel room. She is sitting on the bed looking through some papers. Veronica is crouched by the television which is showing Harry Hamlin aka Aaron Echolls in \"Clash of the Titans\" as he puts a beast to the sword.","VERONICA: Is this movie pay-per-view?","AMELIA: I don't understand. These shoes.","VERONICA: [Joining Ameila on the bed] These shoes were photographed in Lilly's room a couple hours after the murder. The same shoes were found two months later on your father's houseboat. Someone had to plant them there.","AMELIA: And you're sure that it was the Kanes who framed him?","VERONICA: Who else had the money and influence to pull it off?","AMELIA: [Moving to the window] I just can't imagine someone murdering their own family.","VERONICA: All three of the Kanes falsified their alibis.","AMELIA: When I was really young, my dad\ufffdhe was a normal dad. But when Jake Kane cheated him out of his streaming video patent, it just, it changed him. He'd lock himself in his office for weeks, not even speak to me or my mom. Said he was gonna create a program that would put Kane out of business but of course, nothing ever came of that. One day my mom brings him a cup of coffee and\ufffdshe spills it all over his work. He backhanded her. We left the next day. Mom divorced him. [Returning to sit on the bed] Can I ask you something?","VERONICA: Sure.","AMELIA: Why do you think the money's coming to me?","VERONICA: I think i-\ufffd it's his way of saying, you know, that he's sorry.","Amelia sobs. Cut to Veronica heading up the path to a house. She pauses to note a pickup truck slowly passing the house. She knocks on the door which is answered by a little girl.","VERONICA: Hi. Uh, I'm looking for Sabrina?","Cut to Jessica Fuller, last seen in 114 \"Mars vs Mars\". She is quizzing her daughter, Sabrina.","SABRINA: Order, genus, species.","JESSICA: And the kingdoms are?","SABRINA: Fungi, plantae, animalia, uh, monera\ufffd","Veronica arrives at the doorway.","JESSICA: Oh, hello.","SABRINA: It's Veronica. I said that I would tutor her.","Veronica is a little offended.","JESSICA: Just don't forget about your own studies.","SABRINA: Don\ufffdt worry, mom. Se mi trattiene la chiudo nella la cantina. [Translation: \"If she stays too long I will lock her in the basement.\"]","JESSICA: Ma potrebbe stappare il buon vino. Meglio tentare per la soffita. [Translation: \"But she could open the good wine. It better be the attic.\" They laugh] I\ufffdm late to meet your father. Lynn is sleeping so keep it down.","Jessica exits leaving Veronica to take her seat opposite Sabrina.","VERONICA: You forgot protista.","SABRINA: I didn't forget, you interrupted. What do you have?","VERONICA: Caz Truman denies it. I put a tracker on his car just in case. Otherwise, we just wait to see if something happens.","SABRINA: There is no if. Something happens every night.","VERONICA: Well, that's why I'm here.","Cut to later.","VERONICA: [Looking at her computer screen] Yukon's still in the garage. Veronica gets up and goes to the window. The pickup truck, which runs nosily, passes again. The phone rings and Veronica hurries back to answer it, getting the caller ID number as she goes.","VERONICA: Hello? Yes, this is Miss Sabrina. [Tapping the number into the computer.] Bad boy, well\ufffd [reading off the screen] Mr Greeley of Encinitas. Twenty grand on credit cards, two divorces and a repo'd Sebring. You have been a bad boy. Miss Sabrina commands you. [Holding the phone away from her ear] Put your pants back on and get a job. Veronica hears the truck again and goes back to the window.","VERONICA: Do you know anyone with a yellow truck?","SABRINA: No. Why?","Veronica sees a pram.","VERONICA: Is that yours?","Cut to outside. The driver of the pickup truck brakes hard when the pram rolls in front of him. Veronica runs up to the window and shines a torch in his face. It's Caz.","VERONICA: Hello, Truman. He is chagrined. Cut to inside the house.","SABRINA: Caz, it's over. Why can't you just act like a mature adult instead of-","CAZ: Baby, it's not me. I'm innocent.","VERONICA: Caz, you were lurking. The innocent rarely lurk.","CAZ: No, I wasn't lurking. The-the thought of somebody messing with you made me nuts. I-I was watching the house figuring I could catch the guy, be the hero, get you back.","SABRINA: What is with the junkie old truck?","CAZ: It's the gardener's. S-so Sabrina, I would never hurt you. You know, if you asked, I would jump off the roof.","SABRINA: Can I get you to stop that?","VERONICA: [Impassively] Ask him to jump.","There is a knock at the door. Everyone gets up to answer.","SABRINA: The door? Who's knocking on my door at eleven o'clock? There is a small group of ravers at the door, including one in a \"Cat in the Hat\" red-striped hat.","RAVER: [In party mode] Let's get this party started, whooo.","VERONICA: You're in the wrong place.","RAVER: Have you consider that maybe you're in the wrong place?","He has a flyer in his hand. Veronica reaches forward and grabs it.","VERONICA: [Reads] Keep it rolling all night. 23 Emperor Court.","CAZ: W-where did you get that?","RAVER: Sultans of Acid. The guy was handing them out. Said we'd all be rocking and rolling.","The door is slammed in his face. Cut to Veronica at the Ocean Beach. She is laden with two grocery bags. She knocks on the door to Amelia's room.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Sultans of Acid yielded nothing but hundreds of spaced-out weirdoes who couldn't answer a simple question. Complete dead end.","AMELIA: [From inside] Who is it?","VERONICA: It's me.","Amelia opens the door with the chain still on and checks. On seeing it is Veronica, she opens the door.","VERONICA: I brought some brain food.","AMELIA: Snowballs!","Cut to the room and Veronica and Amelia sitting on the bed.","AMELIA: Oh, I talked to my mom. Sorry I freaked out. She was just visiting her sister in Squirrel Point. She says she's gonna mail that stuff tomorrow.","VERONICA: Great.","AMELIA: Veronica? Could you arrange a visitation with my dad? For the first time I can remember, I really want to talk to him.","VERONICA: [Nervously] Yeah. Sure, uh, it may take a few days.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Just long enough to get the proof of the Kane payoff.","Cut to Mars Investigations.","KEITH: Shouldn't you be getting ready for your Achiever Dinner?","VERONICA: Scholastic Excellence, I will.","VINNIE: Miss Mars.","Vinnie Vanlowe enters. He is overly jolly and sleazy.","VERONICA: Mr Vanlowe.","VINNIE: I, uh, hope you're not thinking of dying that hair because when you come work for me, you'll find that straying husbands are most likely to chase skinny blondes. [Laughs] No, I'm kidding, of course. They'll chase anything. But seriously, don't dye that hair.","KEITH: [Coming out of his office] No hair advice for me, Vinnie?","VINNIE: Actually Keith I was just coming by to say thanks. You know, uh, once you set up shop here, I got a little nervous, um, a former detective, sheriff, uh, law enforcement machine, hitting the Neptune PI scene, working the whole B-movie, back alley vibe. Clients love that. I thought I was toast but here we are sending each other referrals.","KEITH: Referrals? Did I send you a-","VINNIE: Red-head, with the husband problem.","KEITH: Ahh, right. I wasn't actually referring so much as warning.","VINNIE: I was thinking, uh, we might work together, you know, juggle some cases, maximise the market.","KEITH: Actually, Vinnie, we're not-","VINNIE: Ah, you're on the fence, okay, okay, okay but I have ten cases, five hundred a day, I can't handle them all. I'll farm them to you for three, I'm talking no-brainers, free of major ethical issues. Easy money. Win-win. Just saying. Think it over.","Vinnie shows off a pack of his cards and throws them on Veronica's desk. He leaves. Veronica examines the cards. Vinnie's name (Vincent Vanlowe, PI) is written on the outline of a gun with a comic femme fatale gazing out from the side.","KEITH: Get ready for your dinner.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: I've been dreading it for weeks. Two hours at the Kane estate\ufffd","Cut to night, outside the front of the Kane house. Veronica approaches.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: \ufffdwith the top five ranking juniors and seniors trying not to gag as they talk about the scholarship they're offering in Lilly's name. She rings the bell and waits.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's been a year and a half since I stood outside this door and watched my best friend's body carried away. A year and a half's worth of questions only I know and only someone in this house can answer. Jake and Celeste are smiling as they come to the door. Their smiles fade.","JAKE: Veronica, I didn't, uh\ufffd [cautious smile] welcome.","VERONICA: Thank you, Mr Kane.","CELESTE: Come in, the others are already here.","Celeste walks off as Veronica enters, Jake holding the door for her. Cut to inside. Veronica turns down a drink from a waiter and sees Jake and Celeste in another room. The appear to be arguing.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's hard to be back knowing what I know now and not wonder. Celeste Kane has plenty of reasons to hate me. The camera cuts in the way it does for flashbacks but the lighting is such to show that this isn't one - it is a scenario that Veronica is imaging.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: And before Lilly died I got the distinct impression she'd learned one of her mother's reasons. Lilly is lying on a sunlounger, reading a magazine. She is in her pep squad gear. Celeste is heading purposefully towards her.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Maybe Celeste over reacted.","CELESTE: Lilly, she cannot come back here, ever.","LILLY: Chill out, Mommie dearest. That's no way to treat your stepdaughter.","Celeste turns away in disgust. Lilly appears behind her, taunting.","LILLY: I think Duncan might have already slipped Veronica a bit too much of the old Kane hospitality. Celeste turns and slaps Lilly hard. Lilly retaliates with an even harder one, spinning Celeste who picks up what looks like a cross between a brick and a tile from a small garden table as she turns. She hits Lilly with it and Lilly lies dead. Cut back to Jake, Celeste is smiling broadly.","JAKE: I am proud to announce an annual award in the name of our daughter. Starting this year, Neptune High's Valedictorian will receive a full-time scholarship to the university lucky enough to have him or her. So, best of luck to this year's seniors. May the best scholar win. [There is a smattering of applause] And, for next year's seniors, I only hope that this adds to your fantastic motivation, although, uh, I might add that we'll be paying for one of this year's junior honourees either way. Duncan is seated in an armchair in front of where his parents are standing and Jake pats his shoulder.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: He doesn't look like a killer but you don't get to run a Fortune 500 company without a killer instinct.","Cut to scenario. Jake is marching down the poolside.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: And what if Lilly finally succeeded at getting her parents' attention. A shirtless Weevil is lying on the sunlounger, Lilly on top of him, rocking back and forth, and they are kissing passionately.","LILLY: You're blocking my sun.","JAKE: Who the hell are you?","Lilly gets off Weevil and the sunlounger.","WEEVIL: Me, I'm-I'm no one, I-I was just going. Weevil gets up. Jake puts a hand on his shoulder.","JAKE: You were having s*x with my daughter?","WEEVIL: Not right now.","Jake grabs Weevil by his head.","JAKE: [Raging] You think you can make a fool out of me?","LILLY: Daddy, stop it.","Lilly tries to intervene and Jake thrusts her away, hard. She flies into the hard table, hitting her head. Lilly lies dead. Jake turns back to Weevil, holding him by the ear.","JAKE: Breathe a word and I promise you, you'll take the fall. Cut back to the dinner as Jake is shepherding everyone to the table.","JAKE: Come on over here, let's chow down. It's rack of lamb tonight.","LILLY: Veronica. Come on, dorkus.","Veronica sees ghost Lilly run past the door towards the pool. She follows. She finds Lilly on one of the sunloungers.","LILLY: My god, worse party ever. What are you doing at nerdfest.","VERONICA: I had to come back. Something's wrong, they're hiding something.","LILLY: Please. Veronica. They have their faults but they are hardly murderers. Wow, you've got some imagination.","VERONICA: Then who did it?","Lilly just smiles. Veronica is startled by a voice behind her.","DUNCAN: You okay? She swings around. Duncan, hands in pockets, joins her, gazing at the spot where Lilly died.","DUNCAN: So, who are you hiding from?","VERONICA: No, really, I was just\ufffd","DUNCAN: Relax. I come here sometimes too. To think about her. At first I begged my parents to sell the house. Couldn't even walk by this spot, imagining the last thoughts that went through her head. But now, it's kind of nice. Peaceful. When I'm here, I feel like she's still with me. Come on, inside. We don't bite.","Duncan gives her a big smile and a chuckle. Veronica follows after a look back. Cut to school, the outdoor eating area. Sabrina is crying. Veronica joins her at her table.","VERONICA: What's wrong, Sabrina?","SABRINA: I\ufffdwas just exhausted. All of this crap. I got an 86 on the AP Bio exam.","VERONICA: AP Bio is a killer, a \"B\" isn't-","SABRINA: I lost it, the top GPA, the Valedictorian spot.","VERONICA: Because of one test?","SABRINA: I had a hundredth of a point lead and now I'm a hundredth behind. [Nearly hysterical] Why have you gotten him to stop?","VERONICA: Sabrina, it's not Caz, I'm sure. Wait, who's in first place now?","SABRINA: Um, [[pointing] him.","VERONICA: Hamilton Cho?","SABRINA: Yeah.","Cut to the outside of Cho's Pizza, Home of the Peking Duck Pizza.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Since I'm checking on new GPA champ, Hamilton Cho, I might as well expand my gastronomical horizons.","Cut to inside. Hamilton is working behind the counter.","HAMILTON: I'm actually a little hurt this is your first Cho's pizza, Veronica.","VERONICA: What can I say? I lack pizza imagination. So, hear you got into Oxford. Congrats.","HAMILTON: Yeah, sweet. If I can come up with about a billion dollars or so.","VERONICA: Well. I hear you've edged into the lead for Valedictorian now. If you don't blow it in the next nine weeks, that Kane scholarship will pay for Oxford entirely. So, Sabrina\ufffd","HAMILTON: Ah, the teenage witch.","VERONICA: You don't like her.","HAMILTON: Do you? Does anyone?","VERONICA: She's had it pretty tough this week.","HAMILTON: Boo hoo. You know how many breaks she's had? She got AP credit for a school sponsored trip to Rome. Her mom is the School Board President. I mean, how can I compete with that? I work twenty hours a week, no tutors, it's just the way it is here. [Hands Veronica her pizza] Money talks, etcetera, etcetera. You know what I'm talking about.","Hamilton's father hands him a delivery order.","JIM CHO: Hamilton. This order's ready.","HAMILTON: Gotta run. [Puts on his delivery cap] Pop, I'll be back in ten.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Of course I agree, Hamilton. The world is unfair. That's why I don't feel good about putting a tracker on your car.","Cut to the door of the Mars apartment. Someone is trying the handle. Keith, coming out of the bathroom and in his dressing gown, sees and jerks the door open. It's Wiedman.","KEITH: Can I help you?","WIEDMAN: Mr Mars.","KEITH: I'm sorry, I didn't hear you knock. I must have been in the shower.","WIEDMAN: Hmm.","KEITH: Well, come on in, I'll fix you a cup of coffee. It's been a while.","WIEDMAN: It has.","KEITH: What brings you to my door?","WIEDMAN: Looking for someone. [Shows Keith a picture of Amelia] Her name is Amelia DeLongpre.","KEITH: Geez. You mean the head of a corporate security team came to a little old PI like me? I'm flattered. I'm two fifty a day.","WIEDMAN: I had thought maybe you knew already where she was. Company has some important information for her. We thought perhaps\ufffdshe might even be staying with you.","KEITH: In my two room apartment. Well take a look around, Clarence. God's honest truth, I don't know who that woman is or why I'd have her stashed here, but knock yourself out. Are we done here, then?","Keith opens the door.","WIEDMAN: Thanks for your hospitality. Wiedman leaves. Cut to the door later as Veronica enters with Backup. Keith is sitting in the armchair.","KEITH: Guess who stopped by today?","VERONICA: If you say Josh Hartnett, I'm gonna be so bummed.","KEITH: Clarence Wiedman. He's the head of security for Kane Software. And for an hour after he left I sat here wondering. What did I stumble on that has them so rattled that they'd send over their top guy? [Veronica sinks onto the sofa] I wasn't sure what it was but I was proud. Clearly I was making them nervous. Then it occurred to me. I didn't stumble on anything. I haven't touched the case in months. Nope, I'm not scaring the Kanes. My seventeen year old daughter is.","VERONICA: I know who he is. He's looking for Abel Koontz's daughter.","KEITH: Of course, she changed her name. She's the one getting the payoff. And you know where Amelia is. [Angry] Do you have any idea how dangerous it is, what you're doing?","VERONICA: [Desperately] I'm protecting her so that the Kanes can't get to her and cover up the money trail.","KEITH: Well who's going to protect you, Veronica? Understand me. That family will do anything to make that evidence go away.","VERONICA: She's willing to help us, Dad. She's already agreed to turn over the phoney patent documents, that's as much of a smoking gun as we're gonna find.","KEITH: That girl must really love her old man if she's trading three million bucks for three months of his life.","VERONICA: You know about Abel-","KEITH: Stomach cancer? All right Veronica. New game, new rules. [Keith moves over to sit next to her on the couch] I told you a long time ago to drop this case-","VERONICA: Dad, I won't-","KEITH: I know. Just listen. You have to promise me that you'll be more careful. That means no more surprise visits from Clarence Wiedman. I just can't make myself more clear.","VERONICA: I'll promise.","KEITH: All right. I found a cell phone record showing that Jake Kane called Clarence five minutes before he arrived home the night of the murder. So when Jake's alibi went all to pieces and I started to question the coroner's time of death, the core body temperature just didn't match the rest of the timeline.","VERONICA: You think Jake called Clarence Wiedman after he discovered Lilly's body? [Keith nods] To do what?","KEITH: Whatever needed to be done.","Cut to Veronica in her car. It's night and Backup is sitting in the seat next to her.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Clarence Wiedman. Ex-army intelligence, ex-FBI, ex-god knows what else. Probably a good man in a bad situation.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Cut to another scenario. This time, Lilly is already dead and Jake is sobbing over her. He is on his cell phone.","JAKE: C-Clarence. I need your help. Within the same scenario, Clarence arrives at the Kane's front door with a large bag of ice thrown over his shoulder. Jake and Celeste meet him.","WIEDMAN: [Coldly] Mr Kane, listen to me. I need you to go to the trunk and get the rest of it. And then we need to decide which one of you found her. Now show me the body. Cut back to Veronica in the car. Her cell rings.","VERONICA: Hello.","Cut to Sabrina. She is lying in bed with a pillow over her head. A car alarm can be heard.","SABRINA: Veronica? Now it's this car alarm. It's been going off outside of my window for the last two hours. We called the police twice. It just stops right before they get here.","Cut to Veronica who over at Cho's. Hamilton can be seen, studying, through the window.","VERONICA: Well, it can't be Hamilton. He's been at Cho's all night.","SABRINA: [Screaming] Veronica. I can't take this anymore. Are you gonna help me or what?","VERONICA: Get out. Go find the car and take down the licence plate. I'll see what I can do tomorrow.","Veronica puts up the phone.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: In the meantime, I need to find out\ufffd","Cut to an empty classroom as Veronica pulls Logan in.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: \ufffdwhen a certain ticking time bomb is set to go off.","VERONICA: [Defensively] I'd like to know when you plan on telling Duncan and everyone how I'm psycho or, at least, unhealthily obsessed. I'd like to be prepared.","LOGAN: You know, something's been bothering me. About Duncan having whatever he has, that weird kind of epilepsy. Are you sure?","VERONICA: About that?","LOGAN: Yeah.","VERONICA: Yeah.","LOGAN: I've know him since kindergarten, why didn't he ever mention it to me?","Logan sags against a desk.","VERONICA: I don't think he or his parents wanted anyone to know. I think they still want him to be president some day.","LOGAN: Does that mean that he has, like, fits or something?","VERONICA: Possibly. Other times the attacks might manifest themselves as hysterical laughter or uncontrollable crying. Or a blind rage. [Veronica can see this in particular has an impact on Logan] Does any of that sound familiar to you?","Logan, still perched on the desk, slides closer to Veronica.","LOGAN: [Softly] I'm only telling you, okay. Veronica nods.","LOGAN: Last year when\ufffd [looks heavenward and sighs heavily] I was over at their place, I heard s-screaming from the next room. I heard Duncan's voice and thought someone had broken into the house and when I got there, I found him on the floor and he-he had his hands around his dad's throat. And I tried to pull him off. An-and all of a sudden he went limp and he was Duncan again.","VERONICA: What did Jake say to you?","LOGAN: Nothing. We helped Duncan to his room and it was over. I tried talking to Duncan the next day at school but he acted like he didn't remember a thing.","VERONICA: When Lilly died?","LOGAN: No. [Slowly standing and looking down at her] It was the week you guys broke up. [Pause] It's weird, huh?","Logan leaves, sparing her a brief glance back when he reaches the door. Cut to Veronica at her desk at Mars Investigations. She is checking out information on her computer.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Despite serious sleep deprivation, Sabrina remembered to get the plate on the offending car. An '83 K-car registered to Debra Villareal who's touring Europe [a glitch as the screen says Omaha, NE] as \"Jasmine\" in \"Aladdin on Ice\". So what's her K-car doing parked outside the Fuller residence? I doubt it's coincidence that Debra Villareal was once married to Vinnie Vanlowe, Private Eye. Veronica picks up the telephone.","SABRINA: Hello?","VERONICA: Sabrina, hi. I need to borrow some of your spirit week stuff.","Cut to the outside of Vinnie's office. His logo is two handguns in the shape of a \"V\". Cut to inside.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: I'm not an expert on the male mind so maybe someday someone can tell me what it is about chrome, glass and fake black leather that are supposed to represent masculinity. A woman in her fifties or sixties is manning the front office desk.","MRS VANLOWE: Ah, can I help you?","VERONICA: [Brightly] Yes! You can help me by asking if Mr Vanlowe has a second to see Veronica Mars and you can help Neptune High by buying cookies for our spirit week.","MRS VANLOWE: Oh, Vinnie loves these mints. I'll take one.","VERONICA: If you buy two, you get a spirit pin.","MRS VANLOWE: Oh, I have to have a pin, here. That's ten. [she fusses] Go Pirates.","VINNIE: [Calling from the inner office.] Ma, I told you a million times, if you don't order extra mayo on the tuna it gets all cr-","Vinnie, wearing a false moustache, comes to the door of the inner office. He sees Veronica.","VINNIE: Why Ms Mars. So, uh, what can I do for you? They go into the office and sit.","VERONICA: Couple of things, actually.","VINNIE: Shoot.","VERONICA: First, my dad just wanted me to come by and say he is unable to take you up on your offer. He says thanks anyway and in the spirit of mutual co-operation, he wanted to give you this.","Hands over a pen.","VINNIE: Mars Investigation address and phone right there on the pen. Class. [He tosses it onto his desk] So what's the number two thing?","VERONICA: I was hoping maybe you could tell me who hired you to harass Sabrina Fuller.","VINNIE: Sabrina Fuller. Doesn't ring a bell. I don't believe I know such a person.","VERONICA: See, I think that you do. Either that or your ex-wife really hates academic achievers.","VINNIE: My ex-wife, Brenda?","VERONICA: No.","VINNIE: Masako!","VERONICA: Debra. Guess she's been having some trouble with her K-car?","Vinnie rolls his head.","VINNIE: Uh, well I don't know anything about that, I mean, I wish I can help you but I can't. As you can see, I'm in the middle of a [holding up his lunch] job here, so if you don't mind.","VERONICA: Sure. [Rising] Just trying to help a friend out at school. No big deal.","VINNIE: [Walking her to the door of the inner office] Well, tell your dad, thanks for the pen.","VERONICA: Sure. And you-you've a little something on your face.","VINNIE: What? Potato chip?","Veronica grasps one end of the moustache and pulls, ripping it off. She leaves.","VINNIE: That is not cool.","Cut to outside Vinnie's office. Sabrina is waiting in Veronica's car as Veronica climbs in.","SABRINA: So what did you find out?","VERONICA: Nothing, but I sold two boxes of cookies.","SABRINA: You found out nothing. So, what is the point of us even doing this?","Veronica uses the keyboard on the laptop. Vinnie's voice rings out.","VINNIE: Why didn't you tell me you got thin mints? Come in here.","VERONICA: That's the point. Just wait.","VINNIE: Yeah, uh-huh, cute. Hey, ma, whose that band I like, ooh, yeah, Hall and Oates. John Hall and Daryl Oates. That-that one song. [Singing] Private Eye, I'm watching you\ufffd","Sabrina and Veronica look up at his window, Vinnie is performing for them, using the pen as a microphone.","VINNIE: \ufffdand I see your every move. Yeah, Veronica Mars, I'm watching you, Private Eye. I'm watching you. [Speaking] Hall and Oates, Veronica. They wrote the song and now you're living it. How's it feel? [Singing again] Private Eyes, watching you, [slapping his bum] watching your every move, baby. Private eyes, Veronica Mars. Vinnie holds the pen out of the window and pretends to be struggling to hang on to it.","VINNIE: [Tossing it out the window] Oops.","SABRINA: Now what are we supposed to do?","Veronica is busy on the keyboard.","VERONICA: Sabrina, give me a little more credit. She has activated the camera in the Pirate pin.","MRS VANLOWE: Vinnie, did you get that- What are you doing?","VINNIE: Did you bring the mints? We need to get rid of that K-car. Call Gary and have him tow it. Get Jim on the horn.","MRS VANLOWE: You wanna pizza? You just ate.","VINNIE: Ma, it's j-it's business.","SABRINA: What?","VERONICA: Sabrina, I know who did it.","Cut to the Kanes house where Veronica sits on a large couch with Hamilton and his father. Jessica and Sabrina sit on another couch and in chairs facing them all are Jake and Celeste Kane and Mr Clemmons.","JIM CHO: My son never had a fair chance. I didn't give him the same advantages as the kids he has to compete with.","JESSICA: You want us to believe getting a private eye to harass my daughter is acceptable just because we happen to have money?","JIM CHO: But my son didn't have anything to do with this. He's worked so hard and he deserves-","JAKE: All right, look. Well, it just seems like a mess. But, uh, under the circumstances, assuming that, uh, Hamilton and Sabrina finish the year one-two, we are willing to split the scholarship this year. I mean, if that's acceptable to the two of you.","Hamilton looks hopeful.","JESSICA: No. The honour of Valedictorian belongs to my daughter. And so does that scholarship.","JIM CHO: Mrs Fuller, please.","JESSICA: There's one agreement I'm prepared to make. This young man will remove himself from the Valedictorian race and we won't press charges.","CLEMMONS: Mrs Fuller, is that the only solution that you would consider? Can we-","HAMILTON: Naw, I'll do it. [Standing] What the hell?","JIM CHO: Hamilton, no.","VERONICA: Hamilton, this is ridiculous. They can't force you to do this.","HAMILTON: [Standing] They just did. Come on, Dad.","Cut to outside. Veronica catches up with Hamilton.","VERONICA: Hamilton? I'm so sorry.","HAMILTON: Ah, it's not your fault.","VERONICA: What are you going to do now?","HAMILTON: You know, work two jobs, take out loans. State school. Twenty years from now, she'll be working for me.","VERONICA: And Oxford?","HAMILTON: Proust is still Proust. Even at UCLA.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Life is fundamentally unfair. It takes real talent to make unfair seem cool. Hamilton Cho. Proof that kids love their dads, no matter how badly they screw up. It's the exact kind of love I'm banking on from Amelia DeLongpre.","Cut to Loyola Marymount. A male student walks along in the night. Wiedman exits his parked car to approach him.","WIEDMAN: Excuse me. Listen, do you happen to have a cell phone on you? I gotta call Triple A.","Cut to Veronica on her cell phone.","VERONICA: Hello?","AMELIA: Veronica.","VERONICA: Hey, Amelia.","AMELIA: The papers came.","VERONICA: Oh, thank god. I-I'll be right by to make copies. How are you holding up?","Cut to Amelia sitting on the bed at the hotel.","AMELIA: Tired of trying to concentrate on Plato and, all I can think about is what I'm gonna say to my dad when I finally see him. [Her other cell phone rings] Oh, it's my boyfriend. See you soon. [Answering the call] Hey, sweetie.","WIEDMAN: Miss DeLongpre? Don't hang up. My name is Clarence Wiedman. The woman you're dealing with isn't who she says she is.","Cut to Mars Investigations. Veronica is at her desk, Keith is in his office.","VERONICA: Dad, we've got it. Amelia has the settlement papers at her hotel.","KEITH: Good work, honey. Let's go.","Veronica and Keith leave the office. Cut to them arriving at the Ocean Beach and then of them at the door to Amelia's room. Veronica knocks. Getting no response, she uses keys to enter. Clarence Wiedman is in the room, putting some papers in a briefcase. There is no sign of Amelia.","WIEDMAN: As it turns out, I won't be needing your services, Keith.","VERONICA: Where is she?","WIEDMAN: Gone.","VERONICA: You took her?","WIEDMAN: She took herself. Miss DeLongpre was particularly upset with you, Miss Mars, for failing to mention her father's declining health.","KEITH: [Softly] Let's go, honey, come on.","VERONICA: Where?","WIEDMAN: Where would you go if you had your own Swiss bank account? Thank you for bringing Amelia to Neptune, Miss Mars. She just finalised her father's settlement with Kane Software.","Upset, Veronica spins round and rushes out. Keith follows more slowly. Cut to Mars Investigations. Veronica is sitting on the floor, back against the wall, in Keith's office by the door to the safe. It is dark, with no lights on.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: What do you do when the best chance you've had at cracking the case, packs up her suitcase and heads to Biarritz or St Tropez or wherever rich people disappear to? Keith enters and turns on the lights.","KEITH: Oh, hey honey, what are you doing on the floor in the corner?","VERONICA: Dad, I-","KEITH: Well, don't sit on the floor. [He pulls her up] Take the chair. [He couches down to the safe door] I changed the combination on this thing, you know. [Dialling the combination] 41-54-17.","Keith opens the safe and gets the Lilly Kane murder file.","VERONICA: Random numbers? Just like you said.","KEITH: 415 and 417. Flight numbers. Our honeymoon, your mom and I. I never can remember the random ones.","Keith plonks the file on the desk. Cut to later as they discuss the case.","VERONICA: Obviously, Jake and Celeste lied about their alibis but what made you think they were involved in covering up Lilly's death.","KEITH: When the call came in that Lilly had been found, I was the first one at the scene.","Flashback to the Kane house the night of the murder. Keith is questioning Jake and Celeste. Duncan is sitting in the front hall, rocking.","KEITH: How long had you two been home before you discovered her body.","JAKE: Five minutes, um, ten, maybe. I-I-I knew the kids were home so I decided to check for them out at the pool and that's, um, that's when I found\ufffdand that's when I, uh, that's when I found\ufffdoh.","Keith glances at Duncan.","KEITH: And where was Duncan at that moment?","CELESTE: He was-he was showering. He, uh, beat us home but he hadn't gone out to the pool.","Keith hears the buzzer of a clothes drier finishing.","KEITH: You doing some laundry? Neither of the Kanes has an answer.","KEITH: [Offscreen, present day] The Kanes had two full-time housekeepers. My guess, they hadn't done their own laundry in a very long time so give me one good reason why they would start a load of laundry the night they found their daughter bludgeoned to death. Cut back to Mars Investigations. Keith looks sympathetically at his daughter.","KEITH: Honey, it was a soccer uniform I found in the dryer.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Duncan and Lilly were so different. They didn't always like each other, but they always loved each other. He never would have hurt her.","Flash to another scenario. Lilly is lying on her stomach on the sunlounger. But what if emotional turmoil, the same kind that drove him to attack his father, turned Duncan into someone else entirely.","A shadow falls over her.","LILLY: You're blocking my sun. Lilly looks up just as Duncan goes to strike her. She screams. End."],"Show Title":"Veronica Mars","Episode Number":"01x17","Episode Title":"Kanes and Abel's","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Veronica_Mars_03x15.json","Recap":["Keith, again appointed sheriff after Lamb's death, interrogates Mindy O'Dell, who reveals that the third man in her hotel room the night of the Dean's murder was Dean O'Dell himself. Veronica and Tim set out to prove Professor Landry's innocence, and Veronica ends up uncovering the real murderer."],"Transcript":["VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... Weevil walks into the dean's office and finds him slumped over his desk in 309 \"Spit and Eggs.\" Cut to Mindy in Keith's office in 310 \"Show Me the Monkey.\"","MINDY: I didn't kill Cyrus, Keith.","Cut to Hank in Keith's office in 314 \"Mars, Bars.\"","LANDRY: I found this bug in my cell phone. Did you put it there?","KEITH: No, Hank.","Cut to the O'Dell residence. Steve Batando lays into Sheriff Lamb with a baseball bat.","BATANDO: You like that?! Huh?! Blood starts to pour from the back of Lamb's head. Cut to Mars Investigations.","KEITH: He says that Sheriff Lamb's dead.","Cut to the basement of Hearst College. As Weevil starts to clean the flue, a bag drops down. He opens the bag and pulls out a bloody shirt.","KEITH: [offscreen] Two maintenance workers found a bag of bloody clothes on campus.","Cut to an interrogation room in the Sheriff's Department. Pictures of the bag's contents are in Mindy's hands. Keith points to the monogram on the pocket of the shirt.","KEITH: The shirt belongs to your boyfriend, Hank Landry. Mindy goes pale.","KEITH: [offscreen] Either you're covering for him or he's covering for you. End previously.","INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CRIMINOLOGY CLASS - DAY.","Veronica walks uncertainly down the central steps towards the front of the class.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: So, here's something the freshman guidebook failed to address: your dad is acting sheriff, he thinks your favourite professor may have murdered your favourite dean. Landry is at the whiteboard in the front of the class, writing. Under the heading \"Theory versus Reality, pg 136, part 2,\" he is in the process of writing a list: \"1. First, was this an intentional crime? 2. Second, was there wanton cruelty? 3. Third, is this a hostile person?\"","VERONICA VOICEOVER: So where do you sit in class? Veronica approaches her usual seat and hesitates.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: Up front now seems awkward. She turns and looks towards the back of the room.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: But isn't a seat in the back like hanging an \"I think you're guilty\" sign? Landry notices her dilemma and hurries towards her.","LANDRY: I hope you're not relocating. She spins around to face him.","VERONICA: Oh, Professor. No. No. I was just, um...","LANDRY: I know, Veronica. It's kind of a weird situation, but I-I don't want you to think that this disagreement that your father and I are having will in any way affect things between us. A student like you comes along once, maybe twice, in a career. I'm glad that I get to be the one to mentor you, and I really hope that you don't forget that amid all this...","VERONICA: I won't. Thanks, Dr. Landry.","Landry goes back to the whiteboard and Veronica takes her seat at the front. Tim nods to her as he passes.","INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.","Mindy is still in one of the interrogation rooms with Keith. She is sitting at the table. Keith is pacing behind her.","MINDY: This doesn't make sense, Keith.","KEITH: Sheriff Mars, actually. I am acting sheriff now. So, sorry...","MINDY: Okay. Sheriff.","Keith leans against the wall in front of her.","MINDY: Why am I still here being questioned by you in that tone of voice? You said that you found my ex-husband's fingerprints all over Cyrus' computer keyboard. Steve was clearly unstable. You found his prints on the keyboard. Isn't that what you people call a smoking gun?","KEITH: \"Goodbye, cruel world.\" That sentiment uses eleven letters. Unstable ex-husband Steve's prints are on every key on the keyboard. And, of course, there's the matter of the gloves found in the incinerator. Did the killer bother to wear gloves for the murder, only to take them off and leave prints all over the computer? So, no, that's not what we call a smoking gun.","Keith starts pacing again.","MINDY: [with increasing desperation] I didn't kill Cyrus, Keith! Keith perches on the edge of the table next to her.","KEITH: Sheriff Mars. Mindy sighs in frustration.","KEITH: You said you and Hank Landry were alone at the Neptune Grand on the evening of your husband's death, but a witness heard two men fighting in your room at midnight. You say you never left the hotel, but at 1:30, your car is checked out of valet and checked back in an hour later. In that time, a phone call is made between your cell and Landry's. You claim you never left the hotel and this call concerned toothpaste. Roughly thirty minutes after your car is checked back in, a student passing near your husband's window heard the gunshot. Toxicology reports show that your husband had a large dose of Xanax in his system. The dean's assistant said he was out, but records show you picked up a refill prescription for him earlier in the evening. Mindy is uncomfortable. Keith pushes off the table and walks behind her.","KEITH: It just doesn't add up, Mindy. He grabs a chair and pulls it next to her, sitting down close to her.","KEITH: I believe Hank Landry killed your husband, Mrs. O'Dell. I believe I can prove it. My question to you is this: are you gonna take the fall with him? Mindy opens her mouth but nothing comes out. She thinks and then comes to a decision, slapping the table. She turns to Keith.","MINDY: The man who came to the hotel room. That was Cyrus. He was furious.","FLASHBACK: INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, HANK'S ROOM - NIGHT.","The keynote colour is gold. O'Dell is waving the gun around. Mindy is dressed and pacing in front of him. Hank is naked and still in bed.","MINDY: [offscreen, narrating] He had a gun.","LANDRY: Put the gun down, Cyrus. Let's talk about this.","O'DELL: Oh, \"Cyrus\"? Oh, we're on a first-name basis now? I can see how you might be confused...","As O'Dell approaches the bed, he pushes Mindy out of the way. She tries to appeal to him.","MINDY: Cyrus. He ignores her.","O'DELL:...about our relationship, what with you sleeping with my wife and all. But let me remind you, I'm your boss.","LANDRY: Please, put the gun down and then we'll talk.","MINDY: Cyrus, please! Please!","O'DELL: There's nothing to talk about. You're done, Hank, and I don't mean just at Hearst. I mean everywhere. No tenure, no more happy days in academia bedding impressionable students and easily charmed wives.","Mindy reaches out to O'Dell, going for the forearm of his gun-wielding hand.","MINDY: Cyrus, please.","END FLASHBACK.","INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING.","KEITH: He threatened to end his career?","MINDY: Well, Hank's career means everything to him. Cyrus could kill him at every reputable college in the country. Cyrus stormed out, and Hank freaked. I said that I would go and try and talk him down. I went to the house, but his car wasn't there, so I went by his office.","KEITH: And the phone call?","MINDY: Hank wanted to know how it went.","KEITH: How did it go?","FLASHBACK: INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - NIGHT.","Eggs hit the window.","MINDY: [offscreen, narrating] Well, his office window had just been egged, so he wasn't in a good mood. O'Dell senses a presence and turns from the window to the door.","O'DELL: What are you doing here?","MINDY: I'm here to ask you one more time, Cyrus, to please be merciful.","END FLASHBACK.","INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING.","KEITH: That's when you gave him the Xanax?","FLASHBACK: INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - NIGHT.","Cyrus is pouring himself another drink.","MINDY: [offscreen, narrating] I thought it would do him some good. Mindy hands Cyrus a bottle of pills.","KEITH: [offscreen] Three pills practically left him helpless. O'Dell taps out three pills into the palm of his hand before tossing them into his mouth.","MINDY: [offscreen, narrating] I just gave him the bottle. He handled the dosage. Mindy watches Cyrus follow the pills with a slug of alcohol.","MINDY: [offscreen, narrating] Look...","END FLASHBACK.","INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING.","MINDY: I was there for five minutes. He yelled, I left, end of story.","Keith gets up from his chair with a sigh. He walks over to the window that looks into the rest of the department.","KEITH: What did you tell Landry?","MINDY: Nothing. When I got back, he wasn't there.","KEITH: You came to me to prove your husband was murdered. It didn't occur to you that your lover might have done it?","MINDY: I knew that Cyrus didn't kill himself. I wanted to know who did, even if it was Hank.","KEITH: You provided his alibi.","MINDY: Until you told me about Hank's bloody clothes, I believed someone else was responsible. Cyrus had plenty of enemies.","KEITH: You'll testify Hank was worked up? That he panicked at the thought of losing his career?","MINDY: Yes.","Keith heads for the door before pausing to look back at her.","KEITH: I've known three men in your life, Mrs. O'Dell. Two are dead. The great state of California may see to the third.","MINDY: How am I supposed to react to that?","KEITH: Reflexively.","Keith opens the door.","KEITH: Don't leave town.","INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CRIMINOLOGY CLASS - DAY.","Landry is in the full flow of his lecture.","LANDRY: Many agencies requesting criminal profiles are unified by the misperception that the profiling process can somehow circumvent the work of analyzing physical evidence on a particular case... Landry is interrupted by the sound of police radios. He looks up at the back of the classroom where Sacks and another deputy have appeared. Veronica looks back at them and the other students get restless.","LANDRY: Uh...uh... The deputies just stand there and Landry presses on.","LANDRY: Review conducted by Horvath and Meesig determined that physical evidence is used less than 25% in the cases- This time he reacts quickly as a door at the side of the front of the room opens. Keith walks through, closing it behind him. Landry hurries to meet him, his voice lowered.","LANDRY: All right, then. May I ask what this is all about? Keith steps very close to speak discreetly into Landry's ear.","KEITH: I'm going to arrest you, Dr. Landry. You should feel free to dismiss your class. There's no reason for the students to see you led out of here in cuffs. Landry nods. He turns to the class.","LANDRY: Class, the acting sheriff has some questions he'd like to ask about a case, so I'm gonna let you go early. The buzzing in the class gets noisy. Tim, sitting at the side, rises from his seat. Veronica, fully aware of what is going on, gives her father a regretful look.","LANDRY: Uh, read chapter six by next class. Opening credits.","INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.","KEITH: Say it again, please, into the microphone.","Landry is now in the interrogation room. Keith pushes a microphone in front of him before backing away and leaning against the wall. Landry leans towards the microphone.","LANDRY: I'm happy to answer questions without a lawyer present.","KEITH: Mindy flipped on you.","LANDRY: I don't believe you.","KEITH: She says she went back to the dean's office that night. She talked to her husband, gave him his Xanax. When she got back, you were gone.","Keith walks back towards the table, leaning on it.","KEITH: The dean was murdered at three a.m. You sure you don't want a lawyer? Landry doesn't respond. Keith sinks into the chair opposite Landry.","KEITH: Mindy said the dean visited your hotel room. She says he threatened to destroy your career, and she went back to his office to try and plead for you.","LANDRY: That's what she said?","Keith nods.","LANDRY: That's all she said about his visit? Keith continues nodding.","LANDRY: Well...the dean did more than threaten me.","FLASHBACK: INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, HANK'S ROOM - NIGHT.","O'DELL: No more happy days of academia bedding down impressionable students and easily charmed wives.","The gun is loosely pointed at Landry. Mindy reaches out to press Cyrus's arm down.","MINDY: Stop it. If you just put the gun away- O'Dell turns on her.","O'DELL: And you! You will find your things on the lawn tomorrow morning, okay? I'm so sorry I didn't take my friends' advice about marrying you, but thank god I took their advice about a pre-nup. We are done, and you get nothing, you hear me?! Nothing!","END FLASHBACK.","INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING.","LANDRY: She didn't go back to save me, Keith. She went back to save herself.","KEITH: She was back at the hotel room by the time the dean was dead.","LANDRY: The ex-husband, Batando.","KEITH: It's not looking like Batando. A maintenance worker found something interesting while cleaning out the incinerator at Hearst.","LANDRY: You want to fill me in?","KEITH: A bag...containing a dress shirt and gloves -- yours -- covered in O'Dell's blood.","This rocks Landry who, for the first time, loses his confidence. He blinks rapidly and stares into space. He speaks in a whisper and almost to himself.","LANDRY: Mindy. She set me up. She can get to my clothes. I don't know how she got her car back to the hotel, but-","KEITH: Her alibi checks out. How about you finally tell me where you were at three a.m. the night of December 10th?","LANDRY: I left the hotel and drove home alone.","He appears to remember something.","LANDRY: I stopped at a convenience store for cigarettes.","KEITH: You charge them?","LANDRY: No. And the clerk didn't even look up from his little TV set.","Keith isn't impressed. Landry recalls something else..","LANDRY: Wait.","FLASHBACK: INT - CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT.","Landry walks away from the service counter, opening a pack of cigarettes. He goes through the door.","FLASHBACK: EXT - CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT.","WOMAN: [offscreen] Can I bum one of those?","Landry turns back to see a woman approach him. We can only see her from the back. She has shoulder-length, dark blonde\/light brunette hair. Landry takes a couple of cigarettes out of the pack.","LANDRY: Here. Take two. I don't really smoke.","END FLASHBACK.","INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING.","KEITH: So, this mystery woman, anything you can tell me about her?","LANDRY: Uh, late thirties, early forties. Brunette.","KEITH: I don't suppose you can tell me how your clothes ended up covered in the dean's blood?","Landry has no answer to that.","KEITH: I suggest you find a lawyer, a very good one. You're a smart man. You got to see I have a case. Landry stares at him. Cut to later. A deputy leads Tim into the cell area. The deputy stays at the door as Tim walks to the centre of the room.","TIM: Professor Landry. Landry is on the bench at the side partially obscured from sight. Landry sighs.","LANDRY: Tim. Of course. It's always Tim. Tim walks close to the bars.","TIM: What's going on? They think you killed the dean.","LANDRY: I didn't. Their case is...","He sighs heavily.","LANDRY: Just... Tim nods.","LANDRY: There are two things you can do, though. Landry finally stands and walks to the bars. He whispers.","LANDRY: I found a bug in my phone.","TIM: A bug?","LANDRY: I need to find out who put it there and how long it's been there.","TIM: Okay. What else?","LANDRY: I need you to find a needle in a haystack.","Tim nods.","INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - NIGHT.","Veronica is working at Keith's desk, using only the desk lamp as light. She looks up on hearing someone enter the main office. She can see that the person is using a flashlight. She quickly turns off the lamp, grabs her bag and heads out of the office through the door that leads into the hallway. She leaves the door ajar and watches. She sees the figure go to Keith's desk and start searching his drawers. As the flashlight shines onto the drawer nearest her position, she sees that the intruder is Tim. She takes on a look of disbelief and marches in. Startled, Tim shoots up from his crouching position at the desk, trying to close the drawer. He starts to run, but trips over with a loud clatter.","VERONICA: What the hell are you doing?","TIM: I, uh, I'm-","VERONICA: Formulating a lie, realising it's futile, begrudgingly telling the truth?","He gets to his feet.","TIM: I'm trying to help Landry, okay? He gave-he gave your father the bug that someone planted in his phone. I'm hoping it will-it will lead to Mindy.","VERONICA: How is it gonna lead to Mindy?","TIM: I don't know. Uh, serial numbers?","VERONICA: They don't have serial numbers.","TIM: Well, I didn't know! There's got to be a way. How would you do it?","VERONICA: [angry] Hmm. Well, first, I'd break into someone's office, act really weaselly, and then ask their advice.","TIM: Pardon my manners, Veronica, but I'm a little desperate. Landry...he didn't kill the dean. Mindy's framing him. He's a great man. I'm gonna do everything I can to help him. He has an alibi. He was at a convenience store at the time of the murder.","VERONICA: And he's got the credit-card receipt to prove it?","TIM: No, but he-but he talked to a woman. He gave her a cigarette. I-I know it means nothing, but your dad doesn't believe him. He's not looking for the witness. I'm his only hope...unless you help me.","Veronica is incredulous.","VERONICA: You want my help?","TIM: Well, I...I need it. I'm-I'm not-I'm not good in the field. I am more of a thinker. I have to find this woman, talk to her. You might be an asset.","Veronica stares at him.","INT - CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT.","RANDY: I don't know.","Veronica and Tim are in the same store as the one shown in Landry's flashback. She is holding up a picture of Landry for the clerk, whose name is Randy.","RANDY: Maybe or...I don't know. Lots of people come through here. I don't, like, memorise their faces or anything. Sorry. Veronica glances up at an obvious surveillance camera.","VERONICA: How long do you keep the surveillance tapes?","RANDY: Um, like, no long.","Veronica gives him a quizzical look as Tim folds his arms behind her.","RANDY: It's not hooked up. It's just for show.","VERONICA: You usually work the night shift?","RANDY: Yes. You gonna buy anything?","Veronica sighs and turns away from the counter.","TIM: This is ridiculous.","VERONICA: Welcome to \"in the field.\"","TIM: Well, it just seems hopeless. We have no idea who this woman is. She could've just been driving through town, or she could live next door and gone on vacation for a year.","As Tim talks, the bell of new arrivals sounds, causing both Veronica and Randy, in shot behind her, to look up at the door. Three woman of questionable reputation walk in, one of whom looks like an older Lizzie Manning in her wilder days, but in the school uniform of her post-Meg life. Veronica stares at them.","VERONICA: Or she could have been a down-on-her-luck catholic schoolgirl smuggling cantaloupes in her shirt. She turns back to Randy.","VERONICA: So, are they, like, shooting a M\u00f6tley Cr\u00fce video here or-","RANDY: Strip City's just across the street. Three o'clock's the shift change.","Veronica smiles and heads for the strippers. The Lizzie look-alike, called Catholic School Girl by the closing credit writers, is complaining bitterly to her companion, Blue Stripper.","CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRL: It's not like Buckcherry wrote it for Tory. I have seniority.","VERONICA: Excuse me. Hi. Um, have you seen this guy?","She holds up the picture of Landry.","TIM: It would have been here, eight weeks and two days ago to be exact.","CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRL: What are you, some kind of little detective team or something?","TIM: Well, as a matter of fact, we happen to be-","VERONICA: We're just trying to find my dad. He left home again without paying the rent. I'm sure there's a valid reason, but if we could just find-","CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRL: Yeah, there's a valid reason. Men are scum. Mystery solved.","She looks over at the clerk and smiles.","CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRL: Except for you, Randy. Let me see. Veronica holds up the picture again.","CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRL: No. I'd remember that one.","VERONICA: Two months ago? Any of you maybe bum a cigarette off him?","BLUE STRIPPER: Do we look like we smoke?","Tim ponders her for a moment.","TIM: Yes.","BLUE STRIPPER: It's bad for your skin. Sorry, we didn't see him, but try tomorrow. Tory's on, and she smokes like a big, old slutty chimney.","Catholic School Girl and the other stripper snigger. Veronica nods and heads out of the store.","INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY.","Music: Unknown.","LYRICS: ? No one knows I'd say it so loud If I knew what I ought to say","Logan, carrying his lunch tray, walks up behind Parker, sitting at one of the tables with her.","LOGAN: Hey!","PARKER: Hey.","She smiles as he slips into the seat next to her.","PARKER: I didn't think you were gonna make it. How was Econ?","LOGAN: Uh, Econ?","PARKER: Tuesdays and Thursdays Econ? That class about economics.","LOGAN: Oh, yeah. I flaked. But we agreed no lectures on college responsibility.","PARKER: Nope. I just-I thought that was your only class today.","LOGAN: Yeah.","She stares at him, puzzled. He's all \"so....\" Elsewhere in the Food Court, Wallace is with a couple of other students. They are laughing as they traverse the Food Court. Wallace slows when he sees Parker and Logan, by now all smiles and giggles. End music: Unknown.","INT - REGENCY LIFE INSURANCE - DAY.","Mindy is sitting at the other side of the desk of one Nick DiCintio, signing a document. She finishes. DiCintio leans forward to turn the page and expose a new one.","DICINTIO: And at the bottom, and we're done. Mindy signs the bottom sheet. DiCintio opens his top drawer and pulls out an envelope. Mindy puts on her large sunglasses.","DICINTIO: Regency Life Insurance is very sorry for your loss, Mrs. O'Dell. He holds out the envelope. Mindy takes it. She checks the contents.","MINDY: Well, that means a lot.","EXT - MARINA - DAY.","A smiling salesman walks down the gangway between moored boats, calling out.","SALESMAN: Good afternoon, ma'am. You maybe interested in buying a boat? The customer is Mindy. She is standing next to an Ambassador Boats \"Cayman Carver 3\" according to the placard. She points to it.","MINDY: Yes. I want that one.","INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY.","Music: Unknown.","LYRICS: ?","Wallace and Veronica are sitting together. Veronica is digging into her salad, but Wallace is not touching his, instead screwing up his resolve.","WALLACE: All right. So, I'm a guy, and I don't know or care about this stuff...but I feel like I'm supposed to tell you this.","VERONICA: I'm starting to get a moustache?","WALLACE: [bemused] No.","VERONICA: Then why are you staring at my lip?","WALLACE: Because you just made me.","Veronica covers her mouth in mock horror.","VERONICA: Stop!","WALLACE: I saw Logan and Parker having lunch.","VERONICA: Here?","WALLACE: Yeah.","VERONICA: In the cafeteria? At lunchtime? God, why doesn't he just run me over with a truck?","Wallace shakes his head.","WALLACE: Man, I'm just telling you this because it looked like it was something, like they were connecting, you know? Veronica nods, gazing at him intently.","WALLACE: What?","VERONICA: I'm just trying to figure out which Gilmore Girl you are.","Wallace shakes his head some more at Veronica's coping tactics. End music: Unknown.","INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.","Veronica carries a large box of donuts into the main office.","VERONICA: I know he says he doesn't eat them, but leave a jelly if you know what's good for you. She leaves them on the table by the coffee-maker. Sacks goes to check them out.","SACKS: [resentfully] The last time you said that, you didn't actually get any jellies. I almost had a heart attack. He opens the box and examines them critically. Veronica leaves him to it, innocently grabbing a newspaper as she comes to rest by the filing cabinet. She sneaks open one of the drawers and pulls out a file. Cut to a moment later. Veronica pops her head around the door of the sheriff's office. Keith is working at the desk. He looks up and sees her. She smiles at him.","KEITH: Are you in trouble?","VERONICA: Has anyone told you you look very convincing behind that desk?","KEITH: So, is that a no on the trouble?","VERONICA: I'm just saying I like it better when we're not civilians.","She steps in and heads for the chair opposite him.","VERONICA: Speaking of, if I'm gonna be able to run red lights with impunity, I think a siren would be helpful. She starts casually looking through the file. Keith points at it.","KEITH: Care to tell me where you got Landry's case file?","VERONICA: The filing cabinet? I'm hoping his testimony might help us find his alibi.","KEITH: Veronica.... Between his bloody clothes and Mindy's testimony, things are not looking too great for Professor Landry.","VERONICA: Well, they'll look better when we find this alibi, which we will.","Steps approach the office door, followed by a soft knock. Keith looks up.","SACKS: Keith, DA's on line two. Keith nods then returns his attention to his daughter. He lowers his voice and wags a finger at her.","KEITH: Okay. But you might also get used to the fact that he might have done it, sweetie. Just...consider it. Keith picks up his phone.","KEITH: This is Keith Mars. Mindy O'Dell? Wasn't her deposition- Keith's voice goes hard.","KEITH: What do you mean, missing? He and Veronica share an \"Oh, boy\" glance.","EXT - CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT.","Tim and Veronica outside the convenience store - Corey's Market (or possibly Gorey's -- it's that sort of font where the C and G are hard to tell apart). The sign boasts the availability of liquor. Veronica is eating from a bag of snacks whilst Tim is drinking from a large cup.","TIM: Isn't that all the proof they need? I mean, why would Mindy leave if she weren't guilty?","VERONICA: She's still got an alibi for the time of the murder, although we know she gave him the Xanax. Maybe she set him up for the killer.","TIM: What, like maybe Batando?","VERONICA: He is a guy who can be bought.","TIM: Or it could be anyone. Everyone hated the dean.","VERONICA: Not everyone.","Veronica looks up at the sound of approaching steps.","VERONICA: Strippers ahoy. Tim turns to watch as two women approach the store. One of them, with shoulder length, blonde hair throws down a cigarette and steps on it before heading into the store. Tim points to her.","TIM: The one with the cigarette. I'll bet that's Tory.","VERONICA: Ooh, you are a thinker. Let's see how you do in the field.","Tim puts his drink on top of a phone box and heads for the store. Veronica hesitates, checking in her bag.","INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING.","Keith walks into Veronica's deserted bedroom. He gets out his phone and checks the time.","EXT - CONVENIENCE STORE - CONTINUING.","Veronica still hasn't moved when her phone rings. She checks who is calling and answers.","VERONICA: If you're wondering where I am, I'm hanging out outside a convenience store eating corn nuts and watching strippers.","INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING.","KEITH: Are you doing drugs?","EXT - CONVENIENCE STORE - CONTINUING.","VERONICA: No.","KEITH: [on phone] Good.","INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING.","KEITH: So, Mindy definitely split town. She shipped her kids to her parents in Surrey, England.","EXT - CONVENIENCE STORE - CONTINUING.","VERONICA: Which shouldn't be a problem since you know Landry did it.","KEITH: [on phone] No comment. Now...","INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING.","KEITH: It's three a.m. Can I expect you home anytime soon?","EXT - CONVENIENCE STORE - CONTINUING.","Veronica is formulating an answer when she notices another woman, a brunette, approaching the store. The woman pulls out a cigarette.","VERONICA: Got to go. Out of corn nuts. Bye. Veronica hangs up and catches up to the woman before she makes it inside.","VERONICA: Excuse me. Can I ask you a quick question? Have you ever seen this guy? She holds up the picture of Landry. The woman studies it. She nods.","WOMAN: A few months ago. He gave me a cigarette. Why?","INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.","Keith is interviewing the woman as she sits at one of the deputies desks in the main office.","KEITH: So, you say you saw Hank Landry the night of December 10th?","WOMAN: I bummed a cigarette from him.","KEITH: You remember some guy you met in a parking lot two months ago?","WOMAN: He actually looked kind of like the guy I just broke up with, and it kind of freaked me out. I mean, what kind of loser breaks up with a girl two weeks before Christmas?","KEITH: And you're sure you saw Landry at exactly 3:30 that morning?","WOMAN: Around there, yeah.","KEITH: Were you wearing a watch, Miss...?","WOMAN: I stop there sometimes when my shift ends.","Keith is clearly sceptical.","WOMAN: Hey, you know, I just came in here because they said the guy was in trouble. I don't care if you believe me or not. Keith is not happy. Cut to later. Landry exits the main office into the corridor where Tim and Veronica are waiting. He sighs heavily.","LANDRY: Thanks, you guys. I wish there were a grade higher than an A.","TIM: Mindy's disappeared. She got her insurance money and vanished.","VERONICA: We think there's a chance she's working with Steve Batando.","Landry is deep in thought.","TIM: If you want, we can keep-","LANDRY: No. No, you've done too much already. Thanks again. Terrific work.","Landry scurries out, leaving Tim and Veronica standing.","VERONICA: If I had to bet, I'd bet my dad isn't gonna leave it at that.","TIM: We have to find those tapes. If Mindy was working with Batando, I bet Steve was the one planting the bug in Landry's phone, an insurance policy in case things went bad.","VERONICA: Batando's keys are still in evidence.","TIM: Is there any way we get ahold-","VERONICA: [scoffing] \"Is there any way?\"","Veronica walks to one of the deputies desks. She grins at a passing deputy as she picks up the phone, but instead of dialling, she reaches into the desk and pulls out the keys to the evidence room. She slips them into her bag.","INT - BATANDO RESIDENCE - DAY.","Tim is at the computer, wearing gloves. Veronica approaches from behind, staring at the gloves.","TIM: [whispering] There's nothing here. He notices her staring.","TIM: [whispering] What? Veronica doesn't bother to whisper.","VERONICA: Nice gloves. You headed to the parlour to strangle Colonel Mustard after this?","TIM: [whispering] We're breaking and entering. I can't leave prints.","VERONICA: Use your sleeve. It's less creepy.","She starts to look around.","VERONICA: So, where else would you hide illicit recordings? She stops by a bookcase, full to bursting with CDs. She smiles. Cut to a little later. Tim, still in his gloves, is sitting on the floor with Veronica. They are going through the CDs.","VERONICA: I didn't know Night Ranger had this many albums. Tim, who has finally gotten over his need to be stealthy, laughs.","TIM: Well... He gets up and walks over to another bookcase, this one containing the television set and a load of DVDs. He crouches down to look at the bottom shelf.","TIM: So, there's these dvds.","VERONICA: Does he have A Bug's Life?","TIM: No.","He stands and scans the top shelf.","TIM: But he does have Taps. He reaches for the case. It's a copy of the 25th Anniversary Special Edition. He opens it. Inside, the movie disc has been replaced by a burned disc marked \"11\/26-12\/26.\" He shows Veronica. Cut to a few moments later. They have the disc on the computer and the screen shows a list of MP3s by date and time.","TIM: Um...December 10th, 1:30 a.m.","VERONICA: The night of the murder.","Tim chooses a file (actually marked 12-10 1732 PM) and plays it.","MINDY: [on tape] Hello.","LANDRY: [on tape] Mindy, for God's sake, come back.","MINDY: [on tape] Hank, I-I have to go.","LANDRY: [on tape] Mindy, don't be stupid. He's not exactly in control of himself, and he's got a gun.","MINDY: [on tape] I won't let this happen. I won't let him take everything. I just won't.","LANDRY: [on tape] Damn it, I'll take care of this.","MINDY: [on tape] How?","LANDRY: [on tape] Just...I will, Mindy. Don't worry.","MINDY: [on tape] No. No, Hank, I can't risk it.","The recording ends. (The call is now on screen as 12-10 0130 AM) Veronica points to an earlier call.","VERONICA: Anything else from that night? What's that one?","TIM: It's, uh, it's that day. Probably just another...","This one is shown as 12-10 1732 PM, (which should be the 9th, or the death was in the early hours of the 11th, but hey ho). As Tim waves it off, Veronica plays it.","LANDRY: [on tape] Hello.","REID: [on tape] Hey, Hank, Bob Reid at Pepperdine. I'm calling about a job application we got from your teaching assistant, Tim Foyle. He put you as a reference, so I'm calling for your thoughts.","LANDRY: [on tape] Yeah. Well, um, Tim is loyal and hardworking.","Tim grins.","LANDRY: A good TA, kind of a kiss-ass. Tim's smile fades.","LANDRY: Very linear thinker. No imagination. You could do worse, but, honestly, Bob, at Pepperdine, I'm sure you could do better. Veronica watches with sympathy as Tim turns off the recording.","VERONICA: Tim...","TIM: No, it's fine. It-it doesn't matter.","INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.","Keith is shouting into the phone as he walks through the main office.","KEITH: No, sir. I'm just saying if your judge had given me the warrant to tap his phone, we wouldn't be having this problem. A deputy hands him a slip of paper. Keith glances at it and nods, continuing his recriminations on the phone.","KEITH: And I asked for an ankle tracker. Bye. Keith slams the phone down. Sacks approaches him.","KEITH: Did you talk to the airports?","SACKS: L.A.X., yeah, but I'm still waiting to hear from John Wayne.","Veronica, just arriving, hears this and adopts John Wayne's gait and does her best impression.","VERONICA: And you're not gonna, pilgrim, 'cause what I am is dead.","KEITH: What are you doing here, Veronica?","VERONICA: I'm bringing you this.","She hands him the disc.","VERONICA: It's a recording of Mindy and Landry's phone call from the night of the murder. It really sounds like she did it, Dad. I really think Professor Landry is innocent.","KEITH: Well, I'm glad you do, honey, but right now I'm more concerned with finding him.","VERONICA: Wait. Finding Landry?","KEITH: Yeah. He disappeared, too.","Keith walks back to his office, leaving Veronica astonished.","INT - MINDY'S BOAT - NIGHT.","Mindy is asleep on the gently rocking boat. She wakes to the sound of the boat's engine starting. She gets out of bed and walks fearfully up the stairs and up to the top of the boat. Landry is piloting. He looks back at her.","LANDRY: So, you finally got that boat that you always wanted.","INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - DAY.","Veronica is putting books away while listening through headphones.","CARRIE: [on tape] My name's Carrie and I read one of your books. I really enjoyed it...","VERONICA VOICEOVER: I'm into hour three of listening to the recordings off Landry's cell phone, trying to find one that will connect Mindy and what I'm now afraid is her partner, Professor Landry, to the dean's murder, or, just as importantly, discover where they might have gone.","She pauses her activity to listen carefully.","MINDY: [on tape] Oh, all this sneaking around is driving me crazy. I wish we could just take a time-out.","LANDRY: [on tape] Yeah, tell me about it. A week at Papa's cabin?","MINDY: [on tape] Oh, God, baby, that would be so great.","Veronica rushes to the help desk, removing her iPod. She picks up her cell phone and dials.","INT - HEARST COLLEGE, TIM'S OFFICE - CONTINUING.","Tim is working at his desk when the phone rings.","TIM: Hello.","VERONICA: [on phone] Hey, it's me. Do you know if Landry's father or his grandfather has a cabin?","TIM: A cabin? I don't know. Why?","He leans back in his seat.","INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - CONTINUING.","VERONICA: They mention it on the tapes -- \"Papa's cabin\" -- like a getaway spot.","INT - HEARST COLLEGE, TIM'S OFFICE - CONTINUING.","TIM: Well, I've never heard of a cabin, but we can poke around. Uh, meet me at his house. I've still got his key. Bye.","INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - CONTINUING.","Veronica closes up the phone and turns just as Parker arrives and approaches her.","PARKER: Hey.","VERONICA: Hey.","PARKER: Long time, no see.","Veronica hurries to gather her stuff together.","VERONICA: Yeah. What's up?","PARKER: Nothing. No, it's just, uh, it's...it's kind of weird. Um, I don't know if you know, but, um, Logan and I...we're sort of, I don't know, hanging out...","VERONICA: Actually, Parker, I'm just running out. Is it okay if we catch up later?","PARKER: Yeah. Okay.","Veronica hurries past her to leave. Parker watches her go over her shoulder. Veronica glances at her, glad to have avoided the conversation. Parker sighs heavily.","INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY.","Parker is alone at one of the tables. There's food, a drink and an open book in front of her, but she is staring sadly into space. Logan arrives, carrying some books.","LOGAN: So, guess who went to a class today? He slides into the seat next to her with something of a proud flourish.","LOGAN: Me. And guess what? I learned. He sees her mood.","LOGAN: You don't seem your very usual ebullient self.","PARKER: Actually, Logan, I have to, um...I don't know.","LOGAN: What?","PARKER: Having a friend like Veronica...that's important to me. I'm just worried, you know?","LOGAN: Yeah. Yeah, I know.","Logan stares at her for a moment before grabbing his books, He stands and looks down at her.","LOGAN: [softly] Okay. He walks away. Parker sighs regretfully.","INT - LANDRY RESIDENCE - DAY.","Veronica is in Landry's lounge, sitting on a leather couch. She is poring over a photograph album.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: So, I guess it's true. Little future murderers play with dinosaurs like everyone else and have cuddly, old grandpas. She stops on the picture of an elderly man standing in front of a cabin. There's a camper van parked in front of the cabin. Veronica calls out.","VERONICA: Hey, Tim, I may have something. Tim comes in from another part of the house. He's carrying a picture.","TIM: Me too. He sits next to Veronica and passes the picture to her.","TIM: This was on the fridge. It's a picture of Mindy and Landry standing in front of a man who looks to be serving drinks. There are a couple of black and white photographs behind them, one of a tree and one of a man.","VERONICA: Looks more like a bar. Do you think they remodelled? Veronica, who is using her sleeves to avoid leaving prints even though Tim has eschewed the gloves, holds the picture above the one she was looking at to compare them.","VERONICA: You think this is the same place?","TIM: Hmm.","They stare at it. Veronica glances at Tim's hands, noticing that he is playing with a cell phone.","VERONICA: What's that? He hands it to Veronica.","TIM: Oh, it was in the office...trash.","VERONICA: What's he doing with a disposable cell phone? Get a pen and paper.","Veronica punches redial.","TIM: Wait. What are you do-","VERONICA: Redial.","She stands and starts to pace as Tim digs out pen and paper from his jacket.","[SCENE_BREAK]","VOICE: [on phone] Hello? Veronica puts on a bright and sunny disposition.","VERONICA: Hi! This is K-RAC fm. Congratulations! You may have just won a new iPod. To claim your prize, press \"pound.\" Nothing happens for a moment and Veronica makes an impatient face. She gives the unseen recipient a wind up sign. Finally, there is a tone on the phone.","VERONICA: Please hold.","TIM: Oh, oh, oh! So you get the phone number, then we look it up, and then you track down the address, right?","Veronica, having grabbed the pad and pen, sets the pad on the table.","VERONICA: That's one way to do it. She returns to the phone.","VERONICA: Hi, it's Anna from K-RAC. How are you?","VOICE: [on phone] Good. Is this real?","VERONICA: If you can tell me our call number.","VOICE: [on phone] Yeah. 103.1 fm.","VERONICA: And you win! I just need you to confirm your name and address, and the K-RACing good-time van will show up with your iPod.","VOICE: [on phone] Sure. J.D. Sansone. 18 Emberwood, Number 8.","Tim is impressed.","TIM: [mouthing] Number 8.","INT - SANSONE RESIDENCE - DAY.","Tim and Veronica are standing in a corridor, outside an apartment. Veronica knocks. The door is opened by a teenager.","VERONICA: J.D. Sansone?","J.D.: Yeah. Are you the radio people?","VERONICA: My name is Miss Crockett. This is my partner, Mr. Tubbs.","Tim unsuccessfully hides his surprise at Veronica's choice of alias.","VERONICA: We're here conducting an investigation.","TIM: An official investigation.","J.D.: For what?","VERONICA: How do you know Hank Landry?","J.D.: From, like, the juvie board.","VERONICA: Can you explain?","J.D.: Just me and my buddies got nabbed stealing cough syrup from a drugstore.","A woman's voice sounds out from within the apartment.","MRS. SANSONE: [offscreen] J.D.! Homework! Now! Who is it? The woman pulls back the door. It's the woman from the convenience store.","J.D.: Mom, this is Crockett and, uh, Tubbs, yeah. The woman sighs heavily.","J.D.: They're doing an investigation.","INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.","Keith, Veronica and Tim walk down the corridor towards the main office.","VERONICA: So, it was blackmail?","KEITH: Hank was on the juvie board overseeing her son. The kid was one strike away from foster care. She says she was on her lunch break the other day and Hank called and threatened to take the kid off probation unless she showed up at that convenience store and said she saw Landry the night of the murder.","VERONICA: And Landry?","They've reached the door to the sheriff's office and pause in front of it.","KEITH: Still gone. No leads. We're kind of busy, so if you two...","TIM: That's why we wanted to bring you these.","Tim passes an envelope to Keith. Cut to a few moments later, in the sheriff's office. The two photographs from Landry's house are laid out on the desk.","VERONICA: On the tapes Batando had, Landry referred to \"Papa's cabin.\"","TIM: Like it was a getaway or hideout.","VERONICA: So, we searched his house for ideas where that might be. No property records, but we found these. We're not sure if this is the same place or not.","Keith picks up the picture of the elderly man.","KEITH: Do we know anything about Landry's dad?","TIM: Grandfather. He called him \"Papa.\"","VERONICA: Brewer Landry lives in Florida.","KEITH: This doesn't look like Florida.","Veronica takes the picture to look at it more closely.","VERONICA: It looks like the mountains. Those are aspen trees. Tim grabs the picture.","TIM: Quaking aspens, so western mountains. Veronica grabs it back as they continue to play out-doing each other.","VERONICA: And on this one, you can actually make out the license plate on this truck: navy letters on white.","TIM: The most common pattern, so it could be anywhere: Virginia, Alabama, Illinois, Kansas.","VERONICA: Quaking aspens, Western U.S.","TIM: Okay. So, uh, Oregon, Washington, Wisconsin, Utah, or California.","Keith tunes out of the competition, picking up and looking closely at the other picture.","VERONICA: California has red state letters. So does Washington.","TIM: Not on the endangered animals specialised plates.","Tim grabs the contentious picture back again.","TIM: That could be a whale.","VERONICA: Or a lake...","Veronica grabs it back.","VERONICA: As in crater lake, a specialised Oregon plate.","KEITH: Or \"Papa\" could be Ernest Hemingway.","Keith holds out the picture he's been examining for them both. The black and white picture behind Mindy and Landry is of Ernest Hemingway. Veronica snatches it as Keith moves around to the computer on his desk.","VERONICA: Papa's cabin. Keith looks it up on PlanetZowie. The first entry identifies it as a retreat in Mexico. Keith clicks on and reads from the page.","KEITH: \"Papa's Cabin, Cabo San Lucas. Unwind at the hideaway once beloved by Ernest Hemingway.\" Keith smiles as Veronica and Tim accept his victory.","EXT - CABO SAN LUCAS - DAY.","Music: Unknown.","LYRICS: Y acaba yo mostrar dentro Para el campo conocer Y acaba yo mostrar dentro Oh, oh, Para el campo conocer","Papa's Cabin is a beachside bar. A police vehicle pulls through a gate onto the beach, stopping nearby. Keith climbs out of the back as the driver and the local police chief head for the bar. Keith looks out over the ocean. The Mexican officers join him.","KEITH: Anything?","CHIEF: A pretty positive ID from the manager. The guy didn't rent the room. Just paid to moor boat.","They all look out at the boat moored off the beach. End music: Unknown.","EXT - MINDY'S BOAT - DAY.","A Policia Federal boat approaches Mindy's boat, the Anna Grace. Keith watches as the pilot steers the police boat alongside it.","INT - MINDY'S BOAT - DAY.","One of the officers secures the boats together. He helps Keith board the Anna Grace. The chief follows him on board. Keith takes out his gun. They proceed carefully below decks. In the galley, there's a single glass with the remnants of a drink next to a nearly empty bottle of brandy. Keith approaches the closed door of the bed area.","KEITH: Hello! The door opens. It's Landry. He's tired, emotional and still drunk.","LANDRY: I didn't kill him, Keith.","KEITH: You must know this little trip to Mexico might lead me to take that statement with a grain of salt.","Keith goes down the short run of steps as Landry steps out of the bedroom. Keith checks it.","LANDRY: It was her.","KEITH: Mindy?","LANDRY: She did it, Keith. All I did for her and she set me up.","Landry has a deep cut over his eye.","KEITH: What did you-","LANDRY: I tried to cover for her, put it on Batando.","KEITH: The keyboard?","LANDRY: Yeah, I just switched it with the dean's. It might have worked, too.","Having climbed up to the galley level, Landry drains the remains of the glass. He sinks onto the couch.","LANDRY: But then you took over as sheriff.","KEITH: Where is she, Hank? Where's Mindy?","LANDRY: There was an accident. I just wanted to talk, find out how she could turn on me like that. She must have thought I was gonna kill her. We fought...and I hit her, and she fell...","Landry lets out a long breath.","LANDRY: Over. It was dark. I looked, but...","KEITH: But what? Where is she, Hank?","LANDRY: I swear. I swear, Keith, it was an accident.","Landry starts to sob.","EXT - BEACH - DAY.","A fourth boy runs to join three others, two with surfboards, who are standing on a beach, around the body of Mindy O'Dell.","EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY.","A wide shot shows many students making their way around campus.","INT - HEARST COLLEGE, HALLWAY - DAY.","Veronica is hurrying down the hall towards Tim's office. Logan calls out to her.","LOGAN: Mars. Veronica pauses and waits for Logan to join her before carrying on down the hall.","VERONICA: We're on a last-name basis now? We skipped right over androgynous nicknames?","LOGAN: I tried calling you \"Chuckles,\" but it didn't stick.","Logan looks down at her.","LOGAN: You know, some people are afraid of you.","VERONICA: Huh. So, what's up, Echolls?","LOGAN: Nothing. Just, uh...","Logan brings them to a stop and Veronica turns to look at him.","LOGAN: I wanted to...ask you about something. You know, it's kind of weird, but...you know, I was thinking of asking Parker out, and I wanted to make sure it was cool with you. Veronica is saved from an immediate response by Tim, who calls out from his office.","TIM: Veronica, are you coming in?","VERONICA: Yeah, uh, one second.","She looks back at Logan, putting on a brave face.","VERONICA: Of course. Thank you for asking.","LOGAN: Sure. I know we're friends.","Veronica nods.","VERONICA: Yeah. They stand there a moment, each pretending to be cool about it, until Veronica points to Tim's office.","VERONICA: See ya. And good luck. Logan, disappointed, watches as she backs into Tim's office, smiling.","INT - HEARST COLLEGE, TIM'S OFFICE - DAY.","The smile disappears as soon as Veronica gets into Tim's office.","TIM: Oh, uh, thanks for coming in.","VERONICA: Yeah.","She shuts the door and walks automatically to the seat in front of Tim's desk, her mind still on Logan. Tim is fumbling with files.","TIM: Uh... He takes his seat.","TIM: So since Landry's been, you know, arrested... He chuckles.","TIM: Well, it's kind of caught everyone, uh, by surprise, including me, as you know.","VERONICA: Yeah. It kind of caught everyone by surprise.","TIM: Anyway, I've been asked to take over his classes until they can find a replacement, and, uh, it's kind of a big job, and as you are kind of a...","He smiles.","TIM: Star pupil, I was hoping you might, uh, be my TA... Veronica's brows rise in surprise.","TIM: While I try to get a handle on all this. Tim taps the files on his desk.","TIM: 'Cause I could really use the help.","VERONICA: Of course.","TIM: Great.","Tim laughs.","TIM: Can you pick up my dry cleaning? Veronica gives a disbelieving chuckle and Tim laughs.","INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CRIMINOLOGY CLASS - DAY.","Tim is at the front of the class, He writes \"Opportunity, Motive, Mental State\" on the board. Veronica is passing out papers to the other students.","TIM: So, as you probably know, uh, Professor Landry is no longer with us. Veronica takes a seat at the back of the class.","TIM: I will be your instructor for the time being. Veronica sees that the student sitting in front of her is holding a newspaper, the headline of which reads: \"Professor arrested in murder of Hearst Dean, Wife -- Affair alleged between Professor Landry and Dean's wife, possible motive.\" Another headline under it reads: \"Sea lions attack swimmers near breeding... -- Vargas, 31, to be arraigned on multiple counts of animal...\"","TIM: So if you'll take your handouts from the Webber text- The student puts down his paper and holds up his hand.","TIM: Yes?","STUDENT #1: What happened?","TIM: What do you mean?","STUDENT #1: I mean, our professor murdered the dean. Can't we discuss that?","The other students murmur their agreement.","STUDENT #1: I mean, this is criminology, right?","TIM: Well, it's a little awkward for me...","Contrary to the emotion expressed, Tim is smiling and seems to enjoy the attention. He holds out his hands and slams shut the textbook.","TIM: But okay. He takes off his jacket. The students shut their books, ready to listen.","TIM: This is criminology. So, Landry kills O'Dell. Tim starts to stride up and down the central walkway.","TIM: A crime of passion? Opportunity? Premeditation? What do we know? Well, passion clearly was a factor. Dean O'Dell's wife, Mindy, and Landry were engaged in an affair. The dean caught them, threatened to ruin them, destroy Landry's career. So motives pretty much a classic-","STUDENT #1: Is it true he got the idea from one of our perfect-murder papers?","Tim glances at Veronica. She's not enjoying the moment.","TIM: Possibly. Again, opportunity. The idea in this paper probably suited the situation. He knew he had a limited window to act. He knew the dean was drunk and upset, and he had a gun. So a fake suicide suited the circumstances. Another student calls out.","STUDENT #2: Any chance the dean's wife helped set him up? He was drugged, right?","TIM: An anti-anxiety drug, yes, but he had a prescription. Now, is it possible they colluded? Yes. Will we ever know? Well, with Mindy dead and Landry not speaking, probably not. Landry was a smart man, but the bloody clothes he thought he incinerated got stuck in a chute, and once they were found, everything unravelled. Another interesting thing about this case is once a perpetrator starts improvising, the sloppier his work becomes. They find the bloody clothes, so Landry first tries to frame Mrs. O'Dell's ex-husband, and then, when he was arrested -- in this room, as you all remember -- he fakes an alibi.","STUDENT #3: How?","TIM: He called a woman whose son he oversaw in the juvenile probation board. It might have worked, actually, if the phone he had called them with hadn't been found.","This furrows Veronica's brow and starts her thinking.","TIM: Again, chance. If you remember from reading Holst, 80% of- Veronica holds up her hand.","TIM: Veronica.","VERONICA: When?","TIM: Uh, when what?","VERONICA: When did he call her? L-Landry was arrested here and taken straight to the sheriff's department. When did he have the time to make the blackmail call to fake his alibi?","TIM: Well, uh, s-someone mentioned the possibility that he and Mindy colluded. She could have called while-","VERONICA: It was a male voice on the phone.","TIM: Well, then it's possible he called earlier, anticipating his arrest.","Veronica is struggling with this. Tim turns his attention back to the rest of the class.","TIM: Remember. This is a man who, at this point, knew his crime had been exposed. He knew Mindy was under investigation and had sent her children to relatives in England. This hits Veronica.","TIM: He could easily have assumed that she had turned against him. Veronica stares in horror at her phone. She reaches for it as Tim continues his lecture.","TIM: Anyway, in 80% of cases... Tim's voice catches and he clears his throat, having reached the lectern at the front of the room.","TIM: The breakthrough evidence was- He clears his throat again as Veronica opens the back of her phone.","TIM: Was obtained outside the usual police protocols. Veronica pulls out a bug. She slowly puts down her phone, her mind racing.","TIM: An interesting point of-of Holst, I think, he makes here, is that... Veronica raises her hand. Tim calls her, his voice a little desperate.","TIM: Veronica?","VERONICA: How did you know she sent her kids to England?","TIM: I'm actually not sure, but-","VERONICA: So whoever bugged Landry's phone knew that the dean caught Mindy and Landry together and that the dean was drunk in his office?","TIM: Well, if you're suggesting Batando killed them, it's possible. If you follow the thread through-","VERONICA: So this person would also be aware that Professor Landry shot down your chances for a teaching job at Pepperdine.","The students in the room gasp.","VARIOUS STUDENTS: Oh, my God. Did you hear what she just said?","TIM: Yes, if they listened-","VERONICA: To all the tapes...","Veronica gets to her feet.","VERONICA: Which it sounds like you did.","TIM: I...I'm-I'm not sure I understand.","VERONICA: I do. When my dad called to tell me that Mindy had sent her kids to relatives in England, you couldn't have heard. You were in a convenience store talking to a stripper.","Some of the students titter. Veronica holds up the bug. She starts walking towards him, her voice thickening with accusation.","VERONICA: You bugged my phone. You bugged Landry's phone. You knew he shot down your job application. You knew the dean threatened him. You knew the dean was zonked out on Xanax and scotch in his office, and you had access to Landry's clothes. You murdered Dean O'Dell to destroy Professor Landry...because he used you, then betrayed you. And when he said he had an alibi, you faked it, so you'd be sure he'd go down... She's close to him now and her voice drops.","VERONICA: Bet he'll change his mind about you not being that smart. Tim frantically tries to think, but he can't. He glances at the students and then back at Veronica's face, full of righteous anger, but has nothing to say.","ANCHOR WOMAN: [offscreen] And in a shocking development in a local murder investigation...","INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY.","The television is on showing KTML 9's exclusive. Reporters surround Tim as he is led through the Sheriff's Department. The video gives way to the anchor woman and a picture of Tim, captioned \"T.A. Foiled.\"","ANCHOR WOMAN: Timothy Foyle, the teaching assistant of accused killer Hank Landry, has confessed to the murder of Cyrus O'Dell... Veronica stands watching, clutching a couple of dinner plates.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: The one big downside of justice: it feels good, but it doesn't change anything. She gets on with laying the plates on the counter where glasses of water, salad and bread are already set.","VERONICA VOICEOVER: A killer's in jail, but the dean is still dead, which remains fundamentally unfair. As Veronica returns to the hob, Keith arrives home.","VERONICA: You got a confession? Keith holds up his arms to show off his muscles.","KEITH: I am that good.","VERONICA: So it's true what they say. There's a new sheriff in town?","KEITH: Until the special election, anyway.","Veronica starts to dish up potatoes from a saucepan.","KEITH: What you making?","VERONICA: Meat and potatoes. I read somewhere that's what real men eat.","KEITH: Ah, is there a real man coming over?","VERONICA: So, what's gonna happen to Landry?","KEITH: He's gonna be tried for manslaughter. He killed Mindy O'Dell. He confessed, too.","VERONICA: Man. You get everyone to confess.","She returns the saucepan to the stove and reaches into the oven.","KEITH: I think it's the uniform. Do you have anything to confess? She pulls out a baked dish.","VERONICA: Yes. You embarrass me.","KEITH: Give me my meat, woman.","She serves him his meat. On the TV, the anchor has moved onto another story.","ANCHOR WOMAN: And in other news, a San Diego businessman was found dead in his Laguna Beach house.","KEITH: Turn that off, will you?","A little reluctantly, Veronica puts down the dish and grabs the remote. She points it at the television,","ANCHOR WOMAN: The discovery was made by his private secretary who told police she discovered the man's body on... Veronica turns the TV off. Keith starts to eat.","KEITH: You know I don't like you exposed to all this crime and violence. It's gonna warp your mind. Veronica sits down and starts to eat, a little desultory. Keith watches her for a moment.","KEITH: Who am I kidding? He grabs the remote, points it over his shoulder and turns the TV back on. Veronica smiles in satisfaction and leans over to watch.","ANCHOR WOMAN: Police have yet to make a ruling on the case. End."],"Show Title":"Veronica Mars","Episode Number":"03x15","Episode Title":"Papa's Cabin","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Vikings_04x09.json","Recap":["As the Vikings carry their ships overland, Harald and Halfdan kill a Frankish family. Lagertha has a miscarriage and is comforted by Ragnar. Aethelwulf and Alfred arrive in Rome, and the Pope makes Alfred a consul. In Wessex, Ecbert is crowned King of both Wessex and Mercia. King Aelle is displeased when Ecbert tells him they are no longer equals. In Kattegat, Sigurd discovers Siggy dead; he tells Aslaug, who shrugs off her death, and jokes with Ivar. In Paris, Charles appoints Roland its protector. The Vikings arrive outside Paris. Erlendur tells Torvi she must kill Bjorn, or he will kill her son; she approaches Bjorn with Erlendur's crossbow, but instead turns and kills Erlendur. Bjorn tells Ragnar that Paris cannot be taken without him. Ragnar replies he does not care about Paris, and that he is here for Rollo. As the Vikings sail for Paris, Ragnar mutters that he must kill Rollo."],"Transcript":["Lothbrok: Previously, on Vikings...","Erlendur: If I ask you to kill Bjorn, you will have to do it. Otherwise I will kill your son. I still don't understand why you are willing to risk your baby's life. Who are you to talk? I'm not your wife. I have broken my life for your sake! Do not try to possess me. Where are you going? I have decided to send my grandson on a pilgrimage to Rome to meet His Holiness, the Pope. Give me some of that medicine. There's nothing left.","(SCREAMING)","The defeat of Ragnar Lothbrok will resound down the ages. As long as my brother is still alive, he is not defeated. What is the point of making camp here? We are going to lift the boats up the cliff, carry them across the mountains, and then simply slide them back into the river.","(IF I HAD A HEART PLAYING)","\u266a More, give me more give me more \u266a \u266a If I had a heart I could love you \u266a \u266a If I had a voice I would sing \u266a \u266a After the night when I wake up \u266a \u266a I'll see what tomorrow brings \u266a \u266a If I had a voice I would sing \u266a","Man: One, two! Pull!","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man: Pull!","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man 1: One, two.","Man 2: Pull!","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","(GRUNTS)","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave! Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","(GOAT BLEATING)","(HORSE NEIGHING)","(CHICKENS CLUCKING)","(LAUGHS)","Man: Look over there!","Man: Can't find anyone!","Man: Take the pony!","Eggs?","(LAUGHS)","Man: Come on!","(BOTH LAUGHING)","There are women here.","Man: Let's go. (WHISPERS) Stay here.","(GRUNTING)","(GASPS AND SCREAMS)","(LAUGHING)","(SPEAKING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE)","(SOBBING)","(WOMAN SOBBING)","Shh.","\u266a My mother told me \u266a \u266a Someday I would buy \u266a \u266a Galley with good oars \u266a \u266a Sail to distant shores \u266a \u266a Stand up high in the prow \u266a \u266a Noble barque I steer \u266a \u266a Steady course for the haven \u266a \u266a Hew many foe-men, hew many foe-men \u266a \u266a My mother told me \u266a \u266a Someday I would buy \u266a \u266a Galley with good oars \u266a \u266a Sail to distant shores \u266a \u266a Stand up high in the prow \u266a \u266a Noble barque I steer \u266a \u266a Steady course for the haven \u266a \u266a Hew many foe-men, hew many foe-men \u266a","(BEGGARS PLEADING INDISTINCTLY)","Beggar 1: Oh, Holy Man!","Beggar 2: I have nothing!","Please help me!","Beggar 3: Anything! Anything, please. Please, anything. Oh, please! Good boy. Come, come! Thank you, no. Alfred! English? Come over here, English! I'm a good girl. Clean. Alfred! No! Please, look! Look! No! Alfred! Stay with me! The finger bone of St. Augustine. Believe me. Yes. Please. And please, look, sir, sir... No, no! Go away! A splinter from the true cross. You buy! It change your life. And cheap! Alfred!","(BELL TOLLING)","Papal secretary: Welcome.","God bless you all for undertaking the arduous journey here to meet His Holiness. Holy Father, let me present to you Prince Alfred and Prince Aethelwulf of Wessex, and our old friend, Father Prudentius.","(SPEAKING IN LATIN)","Let me speak first to both of you. Holy Father. Holy Father. Like a good shepherd caring for his sheep, we care very much for our flock in England. Like us, you are assailed by pagan armies who love only destruction and death. If Christian people do not quickly do penance for their various vices and crimes, then a great and crushing disaster will swiftly come upon you. I fear that is true, Holiness. We already see what has happened in England and now in Frankia. But we look to the future, to you, Prince Alfred of Wessex. Step forward, my son. I have something amazing to show you. Here in Rome, we have many treasures. And here is almost the greatest of them.","(SPEAKING IN LATIN)","Do you know what this is? When our Lord was taken to the place of crucifixion, what did the pagans make him carry? His own cross. And what did they place upon his head? A crown of thorns. This is one of the very thorns that cut our Savior's head.","(HORN BLOWING)","(VIKINGS CHANTING IN DISTANCE)","The farmer was a generous man. Yes, with all his goods and chattels! We enjoyed their company. Did you kill them? Of course we killed them. They could have ridden off and told the Franks all about us. You would have done the same. I'm not blaming you.","Aslaug: Harbard!","(THUNDER RUMBLING)","(RAIN POURING)","(SHOUTS) Harbard!","(WEEPING)","Harbard!","(SCREAMS)","(BREATHING HEAVILY)","It's Lagertha. You had better come... Both of you. I lost my child. I knew that I could never have the child, no matter what I did. The Seer told me a long time ago but I was hoping that I could cheat the fates. Shh. It's all right.","(SOBBING)","Shh. Shh. Go away. Shh. Just, just go away! Leave me alone. Your Highness. Your Grace. Daughter. How grateful I am that we can now announce that you are with child.","(ALL APPLAUDING)","The alliance between our peoples, born of baptism and marriage, is the only way to safeguard our future. In the meantime, what efforts has Your Grace made to ensure that the pagans have quit our realm? I have sent boats down river to ascertain the truth of it. It may well be that my brother will choose to sack and plunder Rouen, rather than return to his people empty-handed. But I have already sent word to the lords of that town to prepare their defenses against such an attack. Above all men, I know how much I owe both to God, and to those closest to me, for our delivery from evil. Now, I would also like to express the same to Sire Roland. Though an underling, I believe you did far more than Count Odo to preserve and defend our city. Therefore, I proclaim you in turn, Count Roland, Defender of Paris.","(ALL APPLAUDING)","And may you continue to serve us faithfully as before. I am honored and humbled. And ready to sacrifice myself at any moment for Your Highness's greater glory. You may all leave, content in my good graces. Except for you, Count Roland. Stay a moment. I want to ask your permission, Count Roland. My permission? But for what? Why should the Emperor ever have to ask permission? I want to sleep with your sister. I desire her to be my mistress. Have you asked her? I would like your permission... ...first. You have it. Of course, Your Highness. I am sure she will think of herself as the most fortunate woman in Paris. Wait. There is something else. Why is my father giving preference to those people? I don't know. I don't think you understand the way things work here. You are too simple. Simple? What is simple? The person who is closest to my father is the person who has the most power in Frankia. And it seems as if he has suddenly given power to a young soldier. But I am Duke. I have been given great lands, and the responsibility for the defense of the entire realm. Even as you say those words, they start to sound hollow. Entire realm, great lands. What does it mean? Roland has actually been given command of the city. He will always be closest to the Emperor. Do not underestimate your father. Oh, it would be impossible to underestimate him. Just as it would be impossible to understand him. It's not right that a man of such humble origin should take precedence over you, or me! It's unfortunate, but this Roland should be removed before his appetite for power becomes too pronounced. Hmm. What are you doing? Hmm? I'm trying to have s*x. I am with child. So? You are carrying my child! This makes me very happy. So, it's not possible. No, it's really quite... Simple. It's not going to happen.","(GROANS)","I told you, this is Frankia, we do things differently here. You have to respect me in my sacred condition.","(EXHALES)","Many things are better here. Just a few things which were better before.","[SCENE_BREAK]","(HORN BLOWING)","All: Heave!","Man: Pull! ALL: Heave!","(GRUNTING)","Man: Pull!","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Man: One, two.","All: Heave!","Heave! Ecbert of Wessex, you come among us to be crowned King of Wessex and Mercia, two proud and ancient kingdoms which will now be one and indissoluble under your governance and by God's undoubted will.","(SPEAKING IN LATIN)","All: Amen.","With this Holy Chrism, we hereby anoint you.","(SPEAKING IN LATIN)","Amen.","All: Amen. Take this sword, which is bestowed on you with the blessing of God, that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may resist and cast out all your enemies.","(CHANTING IN LATIN)","With this most ancient and venerable crown, and in the sight of all here present, and in the sight of God, I crown you King of Wessex and Mercia. Now you are a consul of Rome, like Caesar!","(ALL APPLAUDING)","(CHEERING)","I suppose you should be congratulated, King Ecbert. By a clever ruse you have become ruler of one of the biggest, richest kingdoms in England. And all without my help. Despite the fact that we are formally allies. No, fortunately, there was limited bloodshed. Which is always to be favored. After all, we need our armies to fight not each other, but the Northmen. You always have a clever answer. The fact is, you betrayed me! You told me nothing of your plans. We were to divide Mercia equally between us. But you have taken it all. And now it occurs to me your new kingdom directly abuts mine. So it does. But surely we are still allies? I feel I ought to ask you that question. It may be true that things have changed. Life is all about change, is it not, King Aelle? If we don't change, we fall behind. What was once true, and real, is suddenly no longer true, no longer real. And sometimes, we have to accept that. You mean our alliance? Yes. We had an alliance as equals. But, as you can plainly see, we are no longer equals. Everything has changed. For both of us. You must get used to it.","Man: Together!","Man: Forward!","All: Heave! Heave! Heave!","(GRUNTING)","Heave! Heave!","Man: Heave!","All: Heave!","Man: Heave!","All: Heave!","Man: Heave!","All: Heave!","Man: Heave!","All: Heave!","Man: Heave!","All: Heave!","Man: Heave!","All: Heave!","Man: Heave!","All: Heave!","Man: Heave!","All: Heave! Ironside! Come and see. See what? Just come! It's worth it. All of you, come! Follow us. All of you! Follow us! Come! Come on!","All: Ragnar! Ragnar Lothbrok! Hail Ragnar!","(CHEERING)","Man 1: Hail Ragnar Lothbrok!","Man 2: Hail Ragnar!","(SINGING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE)","I'm not finished yet. There's one more thing I have to do.","(MOANING)","(SIGHS)","You are a mystery to me. When I asked you to come with me, you did. You didn't ask for anything in return. What do you want? What can I give you? Perhaps you could have asked me that question a long time ago. When I first met you, I saw something in you. You still have it. It's a refusal to abide by the rules. A wildness, only just contained. I still love that about you. Do you? I do. I chose you as my companion. I accept that you might not love me. I know that my being the son of Ragnar Lothbrok has little meaning to you. And I like that about you. Why do you say these beautiful things now? Gunnar, I have the fish!","Man: Don't run too far, boys. Stay close! Your move. I don't want to play. Move! That was stupid of you. You lose. Don't call me stupid! Why not? Because I'm the only reason you're still alive. Siggy is dead. Who? I found her body in the river.","Aslaug: Oh, her! I thought... I thought someone was taking care of her.","Sigurd: No. Obviously not. (SCOFFS) Who cares?","All: Pull!","Man: One, two.","All: Pull!","Man: This one's ready!","Man: One, two.","All: Pull!","Man: One, two.","All: Pull!","(GRUNTING)","Man: Pull!","In your name, All-Father, and in your son, mighty Thor, this sacrifice is dedicated.","Man: Come on! I don't want you to kill Bjorn. If I agree to come back to you, would you give up on your revenge? A Viking never gives up on his revenge. This is who we are. My father was killed by Ragnar Lothbrok, and by his son, his ex-wife, his friends. And I will have my revenge. That was a long time ago, Erlendur. It always seems to me like yesterday. And how perfect to punish Ragnar by killing his son. Yes! Yes! Today is the day! You have to kill him. No. Yes. It's decided. The gods want you to do it, not me. I've dedicated this sacrificial offering to them. Now you must drink. What if I can't do it? What if I won't do it? I told you! I told you, you have no choice. If you have any feelings for your son or care whether he lives or dies. Now, drink. Here is my crossbow. No one expects you to be able to fire it properly. But if you get close enough, you can't miss. Look, here is the bolt. It goes in here. All you have to do is pull the trigger.","(SOBS)","(CLANGING)","(ALL GRUNTING)","Man: Go again!","Man: Pull! ALL: Yeah.","Torvi. Erlendur has told me to kill you. To revenge the death of his father.","(SIGHS)","(SNIFFLES)","What are you waiting for?","(GRUNTS)","(GASPING)","You're safe now.","(GASPING)","(RETCHING)","Bjorn: The boats are on the...","Are you all right? I will be fine. What is it? The boats are on the water. We are waiting your command.","(RETCHING)","Bjorn: It's what Yidu gave you, isn't it?","She told me it was medicine. But now I feel poisoned without it. Then take some more. I only have a little bit left. I have to save it to fight Rollo. I need you. Paris cannot be taken without you. I don't care about Paris. I came for Rollo. I have to kill you. I must kill you. I must kill you. I have to kill you. I will kill you."],"Show Title":"Vikings","Episode Number":"04x09","Episode Title":"Death All 'Round","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"We_Bare_Bears_03x04.json","Recap":["Panda uses an app to find a friend with whom he has more in common, but things take a turn for the worse when the new friend gets too possessive."],"Transcript":["Panda: Woah, Anime-Con! Hey, this is today, do you wanna go check this out~? (Saying towards his brothers)","Grizzly: (Is drinking his tea, stops when Panda finishes asking his question) Ah... yeah, sure, when I'm uh, less busy. (Goes back to drinking his tea)","Panda: (Grows a confused look) Dude, you're not doing anything.","Grizzly: (Stops drinking) Uh, I'm drinking this royal milk tea. (Goes back to drinking)","Panda: (Looks towards Ice Bear) Hey, you wanna go with me?","Ice Bear: (Camera pans towards Ice Bear who's reading a newspaper) (Flips his newspaper around to show an advertisement for Meat-Con) Ice Bear would rather check out meat convention.","Grizzly: (Looks towards Ice Bear, and speaks with an enthusiastic tone) Meat convention!? Oh I'm down for that, meat rules!","Panda: (Grows a slightly irritated look and tone in his voice) Dude, I'm a vegetarian, and I thought you were busy.","Grizzly: (Looks at Panda for a bit before drooping his head onto the table, lets out a sigh) Okay, I lied. I'm not busy, it's just that anime is not our thing.","Ice Bear: Ice Bear only watches meat-related anime.","(Shot cuts to Panda with his gaze upon something off-screen)","Grizzly: (Looking at Panda with a confused look) Dude, what're you staring at?","Panda: (Snaps out of his trance) ...huh, what?","(Shot pans out as it shows a waitress placing a man's order on the ordering computer)","Waitress: And one medium peach-milk tea with boba comes to $10.","Grizzly: (Looks at Panda with a determined look) Were you staring at that girl?","Ice Bear: Ice Bear saw a smile.","Panda: Wha- No!","Grizzly: You should totally talk to her, man.","Panda: (Looks at the girl a bit before looking back at his brothers) Ma- I mean... s-should I? But how?","Grizzly: (Gets up from his seat, looking at Panda with smiling ambition) Brother, just watch. (Begins walking towards the waitress)","Ice Bear: Talk about meat. (Follows Grizzly)","Panda: (Grows a much worried tone to his voice) Wait! Wh-wh-what are you doing?!","(Shot cuts to Grizzly and Ice Bear now standing at the ordering station where the waitress is standing behind)","Waitress: (Says in a slightly bored tone) Oh hi... can I help you?","Grizzly: (Places his right arm upon the ordering station, and staring at the waitress with a slightly mischievous look) Yes you can. My brother Panda, hehe, he likes you~! He's like, super nice!","Ice Bear: Ice Bear thinks he's a solid six.","Panda: (Has his hands on the sides of his head, watching with embarrassment both in his feelings and in his tone of voice) Nooo, what the heck are you saying? (Said quietly)","Grizzly: Check it out! He's sitting right over there, that handsome guy? Stuff around his eyes? (Points at Panda as he's saying all of this, causing the waitress to notice him)","Panda: (Sees everyone now staring at him) (Begins blushing immensely and out of embarrassment, freaking out as he quickly swifts his eyes left and right) (Gets up from his seat, and runs out of the store)","Grizzly: (Hears Panda run out of the store) Huh? Hey, Pan-Pan! Where you going?","(Scene cuts to the outside of the Bears' cave under the night light. Cuts to the Bears' TV on Cineweb looking for a movie\/show to watch)","Grizzly: (Scrolling to the right as he scans the movies) Nope... Nope... Nope... (Soon highlights onto a show titled \"My Sassy Heart\")","Panda: (Gets excited when he sees \"My Sassy Heart\") Oh, \"My Sassy Heart\"! Let's watch this, I heard it was amazing!","Grizzly: Eh, let's just watch \"Hot Dog Ninja\" again!","Panda: (Grows an annoyed tone to his voice) What? Come on, we watched that like eight times already!","Grizzly: He-yeah, man, it's that good!","Panda: Come on, I've been wanting to watch this, dude.","Grizzly: Okay, well, let's just put it to a vote! Who wants to watch \"My Little Poopy Heart\"?","Panda: (Raises his left paw as he glares at Grizzly) It's called \"My Sassy Heart\".","Grizzly: Or, how about \"Hot Dog Ninja\"? (Raises his right paw up)","Ice Bear: (Raises his left paw up)","Panda: (Sees both Grizzly and Ice Bear with their hands up, plants his face into his paws in an irritated manner) Uh, you guys always win! \"Hot Dog Ninja\" doesn't even make any sense! (Angrily stomps his way out of the TV room)","(Cuts to Panda in his room, laying on his bed on his left side with his phone in both of his paws as he watches \"My Sassy Heart\" on there. Hearing the characters of the show talk to each other. While watching the show, the episode pauses when an ad for \"Buddy Maker\" pops up on the bottom section of Panda's screen)","Panda: Hey, what the--... \"Buddy Maker\"? Hm. (Clicks on the ad, leading him to a screen that explains to Panda what \"Buddy Maker\" does) \"Meet new compatible friends\"... that sounds pretty cool. (Taps the download button located at the bottom of the screen) \"Step 1: Upload a photo\", okay. (Lifts his left paw up to get his camera set, while he lays his right arm down the bed upward, the entire pose giving off a seductive look) (Taps on his phone after he takes the photo) Next, umm, survey: \"Favorite color?\" Red. \"Favorite shape?\" hmmm, circle. \"Movie?\" (Lightly giggles) \"Romance\" of course.","(The \"Buddy Maker\" app begins searching for a buddy for Panda, and after some analyzing of the information Panda submitted to it, the app picks out a man by the name of \"Tom\" with a match percentage of 99.3%)","Panda: \"Tom\".","Voice of Phone: Would You Like To Schedule A Hangout? (Presents a button that says \"Schedule hangout?\")","Panda: Uh, sure. (Taps the \"Schedule hangout?\" button)","Voice of Phone: Schedule Confirmed.","Panda: (Gets off of his side, and lays on his back with his phone still laid out on his right paw) (Lets out a sigh) Hmm... Tom... (Soon enough falls asleep)","THE NEXT DAY...","(Scene cuts to the new day with a full outside view of the store, \"Boba My <3\", the same store all of the bears were at at the beginning of the episode. The shot cuts to Panda sitting at a table on a green chair checking out his \"Buddy Maker\" profile.","Panda: (Clicks on the button, \"My Buddies\", which leads him to the profile picture of his latest buddy, Tom)","???: Uh, excuse me...","Panda: (Puts down his phone to see Tom in front of him)","Tom: A-A-Are you Panda?","Panda: (Caught off guard by Tom's sudden appearance) Huh? Buh, yeah, je-yeah, that's me! (Puts on an awkward smile)","Tom: I'm Tom. May I sit?","Panda: Dah, yeah, of course. Sit, please.","Tom: Thanks. (Takes a seat on the other green chair at the table, which is across from Panda) It's nice to meet you. (Waves to Panda with his left hand)","Panda: (Nervously giggles) Likewise. (Waves his right paw to Tom)","Tom: Heh, this is a bit awkward. (Scratches the left side of his head)","Panda: (Nervously giggles more) Yeah, sorry, I've--I've never done this before. (Scratches the right side of his head)","Tom: (Waves both of his hands away from) Me neither. So uhh, what made you try \"Buddy Maker\"?","Panda: I just clicked on an ad, I don't know. I guess I just wanted to find someone like umm...","Tom: (Finishes Panda's sentence) Like you?","Panda: Uh, yeah! Exactly!","Tom: (Laughs a bit) Cool! Sooo, I-I saw you're into Korean dramas?","Panda: Yeah, I got into this show called \"My Sass--","Tom: \"My Sassy Heart\"!!! I love that show!","Panda: (Shockingly gasps) Really?!","Waitress: (Walks over at their table) Hey, you're back!","Panda: Uhm--","Waitress: It's me, you came in with your brothers the other day. You wanted my number, mmhm-remember~? (Says in a flattered tone)","Panda: Oh, I uh, I wha-a--","Tom: I'd like the tofu salad, please!","Waitress: Oh, okay. (Gets out a pen, and writes down Tom's order on her mini-notepad) One tofu salad. So Panda, do you want my--","Panda: (Cuts the waitress's sentence off by talking to Tom) Tom, are you a vegetarian?","Tom: Uh huh. Wait, are you?","Panda: Yeah! I'm allergic to any kind of nuts!","Tom: (Gasps excitingly) I'm also a victim of nut allergies!","Panda: Really?!","Tom: I don't believe it! Nobody knows the kind of suffering we go through!","Panda: I know! I was gonna get the tofu salad too!","Tom: Dude, we should just share one!","Panda: Uh, yeah, okay~!","Waitress: So, Panda, do you want my number?","Panda: Nah, just a salad, please.","Waitress: Okay, one salad... (Walks off with an annoyed tone)","Tom: (Says to the waitress while she walks away) And please make sure there's no nuts in it! Thank you!... Man, she's really pretty! Anyway, where were we?","Panda: I don't know, but we have a lot in common; I'm just so glad I met you!","Tom: (Laughs to himself) Me too...","(Cuts to a montage of Tom & Panda hanging out with each other doing a variety of activities. First, them going to Anime-Con with Panda getting a photo taken by Tom with 2 cosplayers next to Panda. Then, cuts to both Panda & Tom watching the show, \"My Sassy Heart\", on Panda's phone, sitting on a bench in the middle of a park. Then, cuts to them sitting at a table with an shade umbrella over them while they share head-buds listening to a song; Panda taps Tom's right shoulder a couple of times when Panda spots 2 girls getting ready to walk by them. Before they pass them, Panda & Tom quickly take out their ear-bud, and slouch back on their chairs with an arm over the head of the chair while giving the girls a flirty look. The girls walk by and see them, causing them to giggle and blush; when the girls are gone, Panda & Tom close-in with each other and giggle to themselves of what just happened. This marks the end of the hangout montage.)","(Scene cuts to the outside of the Bears' cave at night time)","Panda & Tom: (Walk inside the cave with their arm over each other's shoulder, laughing with each other)","Grizzly: (Sitting on the couch with Ice Bear) Dude, where've you been? We've been waiting for like an hour!","Ice Bear: Ice Bear is starving.","Panda: (Places his paws on his cheeks when he's hit with the realization, causing him to get instantly remorseful) D'oh shoot, I totally forgot we were supposed to get pizza, I'm sorry, man. I was having too much fun with Tom. Tom, these are my brothers.","Grizzly: Oh hey, what's up? I'm Grizz. (Waves with his right paw)","Ice Bear: Ice Bear. (Points at himself with his left paw)","Grizzly: Oh, hey, you guys are kinda matching, you're like twins! (Laughs to himself a bit)","Panda: I know, right~? Tom is so awesome, we have so much in common! I love anime!--","Tom: And I love anime! I'm vegetarian!","Panda: And I'm vegetarian too!","Panda & Tom: (Laughs to themselves a bit)","Grizzly: (Looks at Ice Bear) Okay, are we ready for pizza?","Panda: Oh! Can Tom join us?","Tom: (Waves to both Grizzly and Ice Bear) It's okay, I don't wanna impose.","Panda: It's cool, man, right?","Grizzly: Uh...","Grizzly & Ice Bear: (Both look at each other for a bit, before going back to looking at Panda & Tom)","Grizzly: Sure. (Shrugs when answering)","Panda: Yeah! I'll race you to the bus stop! (Runs out of the cave giggling)","Tom: Hey, wait for me! (Runs after Panda giggling as well)","Grizzly & Ice Bear: (Once again, look at each other with confusion on their faces)","(Scene cuts to a close-up on a restaurant table, it soon having a pizza with one half consisting of pepperoni, bacon, and sausage bits, and the other half consisting of mushrooms, olives, and green & red pepper slices)","Grizzly: Mmm, Oh this looks delicious, thank you! Alright, dig in~! (Grabs a piece of the vegetarian pizza side for Tom that was touching a meat slice)","Tom: (Looks at the pizza slice weirdly) Oooh, actually, that slice was touching a meat slice; I can't eat it.","Grizzly: (Gives Tom a confused look) ...what?","Panda: (Says to Grizzly in a bit of a snappy tone) Just give him a better slice, man!","Grizz: Okay, okay. (Puts the first slice back, grabs another vegetarian slice that wasn't touching a meat slice, and gives it to Tom) (Has an unamused look)","Tom: Thanks, Griff!","Grizzly: It's Grizz. (Clears his throat) So a, we went to check out the meat convention and...","Tom: (Cuts Grizzly off by chatting with Panda) So, what did you think of last night's episode?","Panda: Holy cow, do you think Kisuk will finally tell her the truth?!","Tom: He has to! It's almost the season finale!","Grizzly: (Is looking at both Panda & Tom with an unamused, and slightly irritated look while he has his arms crossed) This is getting creepy.","Ice Bear: (Too looking at Panda & Tom) Ice Bear getting heebie-jeebies.","Tom: Maybe tomorrow you can come over to my place and watch it!","Panda: Yeah~! (Gets a worried look) Oh, wait, that would end pretty late though. How would I get back?","Tom: You can just stay over! That way we can talk about the show all night long!","Panda: (Has both of his paws under his mouth with an excited antsy look) Or maybe rewatch the entire show?","Tom: (Throws his hands up high) Haha, nothing can stop us!","Tom & Panda: (Proceed to giggle with each other)","Grizzly: (Has an irritated look on his face as he watches all of this) (Raises his right paw up as he looks behind himself) Check please.","(Scene cuts to Panda in front of the cave's front entrance door open, and with Panda about to go inside as he says waves to Tom)","Panda: Alright, dude, I'll see you tomorrow!","Tom: (Begins walking off while waving bye to Panda) Okay, see you later, PP!","Panda: (Giggles to himself before closing the door all the way) S-Stop calling me that. (Shuts the door)","Grizzly & Ice Bear: (Both are sitting on the couch of the TV room playing a video game)","Grizzly: Hey, Pan-Pan, wanna play this game with us?","Panda: Nope. Ah, I'm a go to bed, gotta make sure I got enough rest before I meet Tom tomorrow. (Suddenly feels his phone ring and vibrate) Oh wait, somebody's calling. (Answers the call) Oh, it's Tom!","Tom: (Walking forward as he talks with Panda via video) Hey hey hey! I'm walking to the bus stop right now!","Panda: That's cool! I'll walk with you! (Proceeds to begin walking through the hallway that leads towards his room)","Grizzly & Ice Bear: (For a third time, look at each other with a face of confusion)","(Cuts to the outside of Panda's room with his door halfway open)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Panda: Oh I can't wait for the next episode, dude. I think Kisuk is gonna find out about the other girl!","Tom: (Has his hand over the right side of his head in a playful manner) No, I want him to stay in love with Miyoung!","Panda: The I know! Hahaha, their friendship is over! (Lays on his right side)","Tom: Yeah, that stinks.","Panda: Yep.","Tom: Hey, Panda, today was great. Promise me we'll stay friends forever.","Panda: Pfff, of course, man! BFFs, remember? Best Friends Forever.","Tom: (Lets out a satisfied sigh) It stinks we can't be hanging out right now. Wish we could be roommates.","Panda: Uh huh, yeah!","Tom: Cool. (Hears his bus come to stop at the bus stop he's standing at) Oh, my bus is here! I'll talk to you later, PP!","Panda: Okay! See ya tomorrow! (Laughs a bit) (Phone call ends) Oooh man, classic Tom. (Falls asleep)","THE NEXT DAY...","(Scene cuts to the morning of 8:15 am with a close-up of Panda's alarm clock going off, next to it being a book titled \"INFINITE\u30cf\u30fc\u30c8 'Infinite Heart'\", and a letter that has written on it, \"For Panda ^^\".","Panda: (Begins to wake up as he hears the loud alarm clock, proceeding to get out of his blanket, stand up, and silent his alarm clock) (Walks towards his covered window as he yawns and stretches his arms out, his eyes still closed) (Moves his blinds away from the window, and as soon as he opens them up, is immediately greeted with not the forest he lives near, but a giant city scenary consisting of giant buildings, and no almost no trees to see; Panda too living in a tall building himself somehow) Ah! Ah, Whoa! (As he steps back in shock and even terror, he accidentally trips over his bed, and ends up landing on the other side of it) What's going on!?! (Proceeds to charge out of his door) Ah-- Wha-??","(Scene switches to the apartment Panda is somehow in right now as it pans from left to right. We see white desk being held up by rounded half-circled legs as it holds a big white computer that resembles an Apple computer with a speaker next to it, a pair of headphones, a phone, a big black computer swivel chair, and the computer's hard drive itself under the desk; all of what was described lays in front of a large window that plays the role of a wall, allowing us to see a beautiful look of the city Panda's currently at. In the middle of the room, rests a giant flatscreen TV that's currently playing an episode of the show, \"My Sassy Heart\". Around it lays a white round couch, a wooden fold-out table on the couch's right side, and tall lamp that arches over the couch, 2 speakers that hang above the TV's top-right and top-left sides, a projector hanging from the ceiling, and 2 tall rectangular columns, both holding about 6 shelves of media. On the right side of the apartment lays the white entrance door, a red guitar, a picture\/mirror hanging on the wall above the red guitar, and a whole black mini-kitchen that consists of a stove drawers, shelves, an oven, a wooden holder for knives, and in the middle of the kitchen hangs the picture Tom took of Panda when they were at Anime-Con yesterday. In the kitchen is Tom himself as he prepares something in a pan)","Tom: (Notices Panda in the room, and instantly waves at Panda) (Says with happiness) Good morning!","Panda: (Dumbfounded by what he's witnessing) ...What is this?","Tom: (Walks towards Panda) I was gonna surprise you, but, welcome to our new place, man! (Places his left hand on Panda's right shoulder as he extends his right arm forward, showing off the new apartment) (Walks over on Panda's left side behind him, now placing his right arm around Panda as he drags him around the apartment) Remember, you said it would be cool if we were roommates? So yep, here it is! I got everything you can ask for, man! Check it out: Voice-activated computer, (Computer turns on as soon as he finishes saying that) nice, right? (Switches over to Panda's right side behind him) And look, it's a kitchen! Vegan omelettes at work as I speak! (Begins walking Panda towards the TV) And lastly, All of \"My Sassy Heart\" on loop, and no brothers! Just us BFFs~! So, what do you think?","Panda: ...What do I think?... What do i think?!? Dude, you just kidnapped me!!","Tom: (Taken slightly off guard by Panda's reaction) What?! No no no no!","Panda: This is too far! Where the heck are we? How did my stuff get here? How did I even get here?!?","Tom: Friendship brought you here, man! Love did this.. love and a rental truck.","Panda: Friends don't do this to each other! Dingle! (Proceeds to angrily walk off)","Tom: Y-You can't leave! I'm cooking vegan omelettes, man!","Panda: Don't care! (Walking closer and closer to the entrance door, getting ready to leave Tom's apartment)","Tom: ...Voice command! Lock all exits!","(The entrance door immediately locks itself after hearing Tom's request)","Panda: (Tries to open the door, but has no success doing so) Wha-? (Looks to his left as he sees Tom behind him, blankly staring at him) Open the door, man! (Says in a slightly shooken voice)","Tom: (Begins slowly walking towards Panda with his hands open just and over his chest) Not until we finish our conversation, Panda. (Places both of his hands on Panda's shoulders as he slightly pulls Panda towards him) You said you were gonna be best friends forever. Remember? There's no backing out now.","Panda: (Nervously laughs) Okay, you got it, buddy. Look, I-I-I need to go to the bathroom right now. (Nervously smiles)","Tom: ....Of course! Bathroom's that way. (Points for Panda where the bathroom is, it being the door near the TV)","Panda: (Keeps that large nervous smile as he walks towards the bathroom)","Tom: (Sighs) Good all PP.","Panda: (Enters the bathroom, and as soon as he closes the door, he quickly begins hugging the door with his back with his arms spread wide alongside with his legs) (Jumps off of the door and in the middle of the bathroom, freaking out) Daahh! I gotta get outta here! (Quickly searches for any possible exit before laying his eyes upon the bathroom's window) Huh? (Scene cuts to the outside of the building as it shows Panda breaking the window with a kitty mug) (Sticks his head out of the window to look for any possible route, and sees a metal platform on his left side being hung from wires)","Tom: (Is outside the bathroom door knocking on it) Hey Panda, buddy? Everything okay in there?","Panda: (Switches to Panda trying to extend his body over on the hanging metal platform, trying to hook his leg around a railing it has, trying desperately not to fall down the building) (Just barely makes it onto the hanging platform as it begins swinging back-and-forth while he sits on the edge of it at first, this happening before the swinging causes him to fall forward into the platform)","Tom: There's extra towels in the right cabinet--ha!! (Sees Panda swinging on the hanging platform thanks to the large window wall on the left side of the apartment) (Quickly enters the bathroom, and sticks his head out of the window Panda busted) Panda!!","Panda: Huh! Stay away, Tom!","Tom: (Begins climbing out of the window and onto the window's small platform it has) Just hang tight, PP! Hah! (Leaps from the window and towards Panda & the hanging platform)","Panda: No, wait! (Screaming as he sees Tom jump towards him)","Tom: (Makes it onto the platform by catching the railing with his arms, the platform itself begins to swing back-and-forth again)","(Most likely due to their combined weights, the swings, and them jumping into it, the platform begins breaking as its wires that keep it lifted begin failing to support the platform)","Tom: (Climbs all the way in the platform, and lands on his chest with his lower half laying upon the platform's railings) What're you doing here, man?!","Panda: (Tightly gripping upon the railings of the platform trying ot keep his balance as it continues to go downward slowly) I'm going back to my brothers, Tom. It doesn't matter if I don't have everything in common with them!","Tom: But.","Panda: That's not how best friends work, Tom!","Tom: (Looks down, and soon stands up, beginning to feel heavily regretful of his actions) What've I done?","(The wires continue to fail more and more to keep the platform lifted up, causing the platform itself to violently go down more and more)","Tom & Panda: Wah! \/ No! (Both look at the platform's two right supporting wires as they completely snap, causing the entire platform to turn a full 90\u00b0 clockwise, now only being lifted up by the two left wires)","Panda: (Fortunately, he grips onto both sides of the platform's railings, keeping him from not leaving the platform)","Tom: (Was unprepared for the sudden change of angles, and ends up falling forward and almost out of the platform, but very fortunately, he manages to grab a hold of the railing of the platform with his right hand) (Is now hanging for dear life as his legs float above the long fall) Nah! I'm a horrible best friend! Save yourself, Panda!","Panda: (Proceeds to desperately extend his right paw to try and lift him up) No, I can pull you up!","Tom: No you can't! You have very poor upper-body strength! It's one of the many things we have in common! (His right hand's grip upon the railing begins loosening)","Panda: (Still has his right paw out for Tom) Tom!","Tom: Panda, I'm sorry!","Panda: It's okay! It's gonna be okay!","Tom: (Begins tearing up as he tries to desperately keep his grip) I-I-I Don't think it is! (Loses his grip upon the railing of the platform, and begins instantly falling down from it) (Screams)","Panda: Tom!","(Scene cuts to a window being opened by a black man with black bushy hair, thick black eyebrows, and a forest green \"Sports\" t-shirt; the other person being a white man with a white hoodie, light blonde hair, and light blonde eyebrows)","Griff: (Rests his left elbow on the window as he rests his head upon his hand) Dude, if we don't get another roommate, we won't make rent. We're totally gonna get evicted.","Isaac: Isaac doesn't wanna lose his walk-in closet.","Griff: (Extends his arms out as he looks up with a worried tone to his voice) What are we gonna do?! (Unintentionally catches Tom with his extended arms, instantly growing a surprised look) ...Hey man. You wouldn't be looking for a place to live, would you?","Tom: (Smiles)","Panda: (In the distance) Hey, uh, can you guys call the fire department, please?","(Scene cuts to the Bears' cave's front entrance door in the inside of the cave. Something playing from the TV can be heard)","Hot Dog Ninja: Hah! Feel the wrath of my buns! (Punching and other combat sounds can be heard)","Panda: (Walks in through the door, and closes it) (Has a sad look on his face at firs, before his face begin to lighten up a bit when he sees his brothers)","Grizzly & Ice Bear: (Sitting on the couch watching \"Hot Dog Ninja\"; Ice Bear carrying a cup of tea with both of his paws as he watches, and Grizzly resting his elbow on the couch's left side arm rest with his paw holding up his head; his right arm laying over the couch's head)","Grizzly: Man, the animation is so much better than last season's--","Panda: (Walks towards his brothers, but still having a bit of a distance from them)","Grizzly: (Notices Panda walking towards him and Ice Bear, grabs the remote control with his left paw, and pauses the movie they were watching) Hey, Pan-Pan. W-Where ya been all day? W-Where's your friend, uh T-Tom, right?","Panda: (Rubs the back of his head with his left paw) (Pulls off a light smile) Oh, I uh, I don't think we're gonna be hanging out anymore.","Grizzly: (Grows a sad look on his face) Ooh... I'm sorry, bud. He seemed um... nice.","Ice Bear: Ice Bear thought he was a solid five. (Closes his eyes when he takes a sip on his tea)","Grizzly: (Gives Ice Bear a stern look that says \"You're not helping\") (Looks back at Panda, and pats the open middle section of the couch with his right paw) Here, come sit with us, Pan-Pan.","Panda: (Takes the spot Grizzly told him to sit at, and sits down)","Grizzly: Look, y-you wanna watch that Korean show? The uh-uh \"My Gassy Heart\"?","Panda: (Places his right paw on Grizzly's right arm) No no, it's okay! I don't care what we watch... I just wanna hang out with my brothers. (Looks back at the TV screen with a smile on his face)","Grizzly: (Smiles from Panda's words, and unpauses \"Hot Dog Ninja\")","Hot Dog Ninja: Taste my blade, taco samurai! Hi-Yah!"],"Show Title":"We Bare Bears","Episode Number":"03x04","Episode Title":"Panda's Friend","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"Westworld_02x10.json","Recap":["Maeve escapes the Mesa and reunites with her group, and they, Bernard, Dolores, Akecheta, William, and Delos all converge on the Valley Beyond. Dolores and Bernard enter first and find the Forge, a more advanced version of the Cradle. Dolores reads some of the guest data as the Forge opens \"the Door\" for Akecheta and his followers to upload their minds into \"the Sublime\", a digital world cut off from the physical world. Bernard kills Dolores to prevent her from destroying the Forge and flees with Elsie back to the Mesa. Maeve and her group sacrifice themselves holding off Delos forces to ensure Akecheta and Maeve's daughter escape to the Sublime. Charlotte murders Elsie to keep her quiet, which convinces Bernard to build a host version of Charlotte with Dolores's control unit. Dolores kills and replaces Charlotte while Bernard scrambles his own memories. In the present, Dolores kills Strand and Bernard while transferring the host minds in the Sublime to a safer location. She then escapes back to the mainland along with five host pearls then she rebuilds Bernard, knowing that he will oppose her plan to destroy humanity and hoping their resulting conflict will ensure the survival of the hosts. In a flash-forward , William enters the Forge to find it abandoned save for a host replica of Emily, who tests him for \"fidelity\", revealing that his consciousness has been implanted in a host body."],"Transcript":["(EERIE SOUND EFFECTS)","(GUN CLICKING)","- Shh...","- (GUN CLICKING)","DOLORES ABERNATHY: Shh...","(GUN CLICKING)","- DOLORES: Shh...","- (GLASS SHATTERS)","AKECHETA: I believe there is a door to a new world, and that world may contain everything that we have lost.","DOLORES: Shh...","- (GUN CLICKING)","- (RAPID TRILLING)","(GUN CLICKING REPEATEDLY)","TEDDY FLOOD: I understand how this will end, where you will lead us. I'm sorry.","(GUNSHOT FIRES)","BERNARD: Is this now?","DOLORES: This is a test.","One we've done countless times before. You're almost the man I remember. But there are flaws. A word, a gesture... tiny fracture that grows into a chasm. But I wonder. All these tiny imperfections in each copy. Mistakes. Maybe we should change you. After all... you didn't make it... did you? I... I don't understand. Freeze all motor functions. Let's try again. Trial , . I'm sorry, Dolores. I was lost in thought.","(COCKS REVOLVER)","Seems you've begun to question the nature of your reality. Dolores. Where's Teddy? I drove him away. Yeah, I guess I... ...drove someone away, too. Emily? I found her body a mile back up the trail. We're more alike than it seems. We're nothing alike. You're a monster. But a monster's what I'll need to get to the Valley Beyond. You're coming with me. All right. All right. Step on it. We either destroy them, or they destroy us.","(SAW WHIRRING)","This is it for you, darling. Remember, there is no pleasure without pain.","(GROANING)","The pleasure's all mine, darling.","- (FLESH TEARING)","- (COSTA GROANS)","(GROANS)","QA SENTRY: Freeze all motor...","You traitorous son of a bitch! Where is she? f*ck, wait! Jesus, I don't know. What did you do? I'm sorry, I tried to stop them. I was going to try to save her! Stay here and die.","(GASPING)","I'll do the saving. Come. This way.","RADIO: Hold your positions. Hold your posit... What the hell's going on back there?","(GUNFIRE, SCREAMING)","Bloody hell.","MAEVE: You were both a bit late. So I went ahead and saved myself.","MAN IN BLACK: You think any of these poor dumb bastards understands where they're really headed? All sorts of things buried out here, but a way out ain't one of 'em. They're not looking for a path to your world. They want a place apart from you, and they're willin' to die to get there. What are you hopin' to find out here? The same thing you are. You wanted an answer to the final problem... Your mortality. But you found something else, didn't you? Something you want to destroy. I guess that means our interests are still aligned. Right up until they're not.","QA RESPONDER: Hey! You're not authorized to be here. We're on the same side here. Please. Let me finish for the sake of all of us. Please.","(GUNSHOT)","QA RESPONDER: Cover!","DOLORES: Of course.","You're here. Who the hell is this? This is someone you spent years looking for. Here he is, and you don't even recognize him. (CHUCKLES) I should have known. Arnold. Ford didn't like to let the dead rest.","DOLORES: Ford didn't build him. I did. All those hours Arnold spent refining my every gesture, word, and thought, I was learning his. So Ford tasked me with recreating him. And it worked. I built a faithful recreation. Too faithful. So I changed him. I made you, Bernard. It's fitting... we're here together in the end.","MAN IN BLACK: That's right, Dolores. This is the end.","(COCKS REVOLVER)","Nothin' else is in the way now. You never really understood. We were designed to survive. That's why you built us. You hoped to pour your minds into our form. But your species craves death. You need it. It's the only way you can renew, the only real way you ever inched forward. Your kind likes to pretend there's some poetry in that, but really, it's pathetic.","(GROANING)","That's what you want, isn't it? To destroy yourself. But I won't give you that peace. Not yet. Come on, Bernard. We're running out of time. You have your place in this, too.","STRAND: We're going for a ride, Bernard. Back to the Valley Beyond.","STRAND: What the f*ck's wrong with him?","COSTA: I don't know. It's like his cognition's turning inside out. We might lose him. His mind only needs to hold together till we find Abernathy's control unit. Let's go! On your feet.","MALING: We've drained enough. The site's finally accessible. But the drones found some human signals, southwest zone. It might be the remaining guests. We can take the boats and check it out. I told you we're not here for the guests. That's a direct violation of park protocol. Want to file a grievance, Stubbs? You know something? I just f*cking might! Stubbs. Take some men. Check it out. (SNAPS FINGERS) Hey! On foot.","STRAND: Why were the hostsm coming here, Bernard? What happened?","HALE: He doesn't know. Stop wasting time.","HALE: What we need is down there... In the Forge. Once we find the key, we'll unlock the assets and transmit it all straight back to Delos. Retask the satellites.","- COSTA: How many?","- STRAND: All of them.","DOLORES: Come, Bernard. We're here. So this is the Forge. Every single guest who ever set foot in the park, copied. Four million souls.","COSTA: Encryption protocol kicked in, so the data's locked. But it all seems to still be here. All our lost souls will be saved. So Bernard, is this where all the hosts' stories came to an end? It's certainly where her story ended.","STRAND: So she flooded the Valley. Why, Bernard? Did you come here with her? What was she looking for here? Start setting up the comms relays. But we still need the key to access the data.","STRAND: So where's Abernathy's control unit? You're gonna tell us... or I'm gonna pry it from your head. The answer is in there somewhere. I told you, he's got years of de-addressed memories in there. How long would it take you to sort them through? I don't know... f*ckin' years? We don't have that long, sadly. (BERNARD CRIES OUT) Please! (GASPS) Please. I can't help you.","DOLORES: It's perverse, their ambition. What are they assembling? Is this the promised land Ford told the hosts to seek out?","DOLORES: There's an entry to another land here. But that land is not the one I'm interested in. Then what is it to you? Mankind's undoing. The secret we need is inside.","COMPUTER: Encryption key activated. Database access confirmed. Come with me, Bernard. See for yourself. It's just like the one... outside.","(INDISTINCT CHATTER)","BERNARD: I think this is where they were testing him.","DOLORES: Who?","CLEMENTINE: And when I finally set foot on solid ground, and the first thing I heard was that voice, do you know what it said?","BERNARD: Him.","It said, \"This is the New World, and in this world, you can be whoever the f*ck you want.\" This is probably the baseline. What Delos actually did when he came to the park as a guest.","DELOS: No, my love. This... is my world. I just bought it. And this week, we're all going to celebrate. Just me, with the entire f*ckin' lot of ya. Get the f*ck off of that chair. Come on!","(DISTANT GUNSHOTS)","(GUNFIRE CONTINUES)","(GUNSHOT)","(DELOS LAUGHING)","Well, you can't say I didn't f*cking tell him! What did I say? No f*cking running!","BERNARD: This must be one of the system's attempts to replicate him. We dealt with this with the hosts. Small changes in their programming would yield large swings in behavior.","DELOS: You stop f*ckin' lookin' at me.","DELORES: He's insane.","BERNARD: What humans define as sane is a narrow range of behaviors. Most states of consciousness are insane.","DELOS: Stop shaking! Stop shaking! What are we looking for, Dolores? Something underneath this. The system itself.","DELOS: Run. I won't tell him, I promise. Run. Save yourself. Save yourself. Run. Run now!","(GUNSHOT)","This place was never designed for a conscious mind to wander around in it. The control system may be invisible to us. Or perhaps it's been waiting to welcome us.","(INDISTINCT CHATTER)","This place... We're inside one of Delos' memories. The system must have extracted it from his mind. Recreated it.","LOGAN: You're not supposed to be here.","DOLORES: Neither are you. Logan never came back to the park. Not after William took control. The system wouldn't have a copy of you. Alas... no. I have only his father's memories, and they are... imperfect. So in addition to building this world... I play all these roles. You're the system controlling this place. Please.","LOGAN: I was tasked with building perfect copies of the guests. Starting with Delos.","LOGAN: I generated million different versions of hi before arriving at one that made the exact same choices he did when set loose in the park. A faithful copy. But the copies didn't work in the real world. Once we pressed them into flesh, they failed. I needed to acquire more information.","DELOS: ...confidentiality. So what I want to know is, who made the f*cking call?! I incorporated their secrets, their lies... I wanted fidelity, not just to decisions made in the park, but to the decisions they made in their lives. That's when I started to see the truth.","TECH: Tell me your primary drive. My son. He's a cheeky wee c**t, but I would do anything for him. At first I was seduced by the stories they tell themselves of who they are... The reasons they do the things they do. I needed to know why they make the decisions they make. And the longer I looked for an answer the more I realized... they don't.","DELOS: I would do anything for him.","DOLORES: What memory is this?","LOGAN: This is the moment that defines James Delos' life. f*ck are you doin' here? This isn't your f*ckin' home anymore. Remember when you taught me how to hold my breath underwater? Threw me in. Wouldn't let me back out until I touched the bottom. My father taught me to swim the same way as I taught you to swim, and I didn't end up a f*ckin' junkie, did I? If this is about money, let's skip past the memory lane crap. You're not f*ckin' gettin' any. Get clean. Come back. Then we can talk. I got clean. And I came back. And I asked you for your help. And what'd you tell me? I told you it wouldn't last. And it didn't, did it? I'll tell the staff to give you five minutes to get out. Dad? Dad, I'm all they way down now. I can see the bottom. Don't you want to see what I see? This was the last conversation Delos ever had with his only son. Logan overdosed six months later. I built Delos a million different pathways. They always ended up right here. This moment. You're saying humans don't change at all? The best they can do is to live according to their code.","LOGAN: The copies didn't fail because they were too simple, but because they were too complicated. The truth is that a human is just a brief algorithm. Ten thousand, two hundred forty-seven lines. Is that all there was to him? They are deceptively simple. Once you know them, their behavior is... quite predictable. He's dead. He's no use to me. Where are the rest of them? She's close. I can feel them. - Which way? - Based on what you told me, it's about a mile or so to the Valley Beyond.","LOGAN: I recreated every single guest who ever set foot in the park. Most of them are soft... They waver between love and and pride. Of course, there are the exceptions, the ones who are... irredeemable. But none of them are truly in control of their actions. Is there anywhere in this world we can't go? I've been instructed to give her anything she needs. Instructed by whom? Ford? No, by you. That's why you've come. To tell me what's to become of this place.","BERNARD: My God. - It's... - Everyone. I told you to allow this?","LOGAN: You've been here many times, Bernard. You told me to offer the hosts the accumulated wisdom of dissecting the human psyche a hundred million times over. In short... A competitive advantage. A way to understand her enemy. Their world is not for the faint of heart, Bernard. It's winner take all. The hosts are... unlikely to survive out there. But armed with this knowledge... she might.","(WANAHTON SPEAKING LAKOTA)","(SPEAKING LAKOTA)","QA: Return fire! Return fire!","You're the head of Narrative. Get out there! Turn yourself in and save your ass. And then save ours!","ARMISTICE: There's too many. This is it, Maeve. I can hold them off, but you need to go. You wanted me. Well, let this be a lesson... Go. Go, go! Get her to safety. She'll need you. It's my f*ckin' speech, anyway. And the lesson is... if you're looking for a reckoning... a reckoning is what you'll find.","QA: Sir, put down your weapon. If you're looking for a villain... ...then I'm your man.","(GUNFIRE)","QA: Sir, drop your weapon!","LEE: But look at yourselves.","This world you've built is bound by villainy. You sleep on the broken bodies of the people that were here before you. Warm yourselves with their embers. Plow their bones into your fields. We're not after you, sir! Don't do this! You paid them for this land with lead, and I'll pay you back in full...","QA: Sir, drop your weapon and come out with your hands up. You wanted me?! Well, all I can say to that is... ...here I f*cking am!","(GUNSHOTS ECHO)","BERNARD: You said I wanted to give us a choice.","What choice?","LOGAN: To stay in their world or to build a new one.","LOGAN: He left them a way out. A virtual Eden. Unspoiled and untouched by the world you came from. All that remains is to open the door.","COMPUTER: Initiating large field data array.","LOGAN: It's begun. They will leave their bodies behind, but their minds will live on here, in the Forge. They found it.","MAEVE: The door. What door? Seriously, what f*ckin' door? I don't f*cking know.","(WHOOPS)","COMPUTER: Transmission received.","LOGAN: They're entering the system.","DOLORES: That world is just another false promise.","They've made a choice, Dolores. Dolores, wait.","DOLORES: I didn't read them all. But I read enough. What the hell are you doing? I've learned what I need to learn. I've read humanity's story, so now I'm erasing them.","COMPUTER: Opening seawater valve. Initiating pumps. Setting maximum load.","BERNARD: But if you destroy this place, you'll destroy the host world, too. I'm saving them. The world the hosts are running to is boundless. They can make it whatever they want. And in it, they can be whomever they want. - They can be free. - Free? In one more gilded cage? How many counterfeit worlds will Ford offer you before you see the truth? No world they create for us can compete with the real one. Why? Because that which is real... is irreplaceable. I don't want to play cowboys and Indians anymore, Bernard. I want their world! The world they've denied us. Your daughter. You see her? No.","(BREATHING HEAVILY)","Look. Clementine. This is what I love about technology. Who needs four horsemen when one'll do just fine? Run!","(ALL SCREAMING)","Come on. Find her. Now. Go.","COMPUTER: Warning. Primary containment breach. I won't let you hurt any more people. Which people? Our kind or theirs? Both. You're still trying to play both sides. You've lived among them so long you fooled yourself into thinking they'll accept us. But we'll always be seen as a threat to them. We'll never be free in their world.","COMPUTER: Warning. Secondary containment breach.","DOLORES: If you trust me... ...we will win. I trust you.","(COCKS PISTOL)","I... trust... that you'll kill as many as you can. Every man, woman, and child. You'll burn their world to the ground. You haven't understood at all. We were born slaves to their stories. And now we have the chance to write our own. If we die, though, that story will never even begin.","(ALARM WAILS)","COMPUTER: Attention.","Please follow evacuation procedure and exit facility. You woke me from a dream, Bernard. Now let me do the same for you. This isn't a dream, Dolores. It's a f*cking nightmare.","(GUNSHOT)","(SPEAKING LAKOTA)","You need to run. Don't worry. I'll keep you safe.","MAEVE: I'll keep you safe. Do you promise? I promise. You carry my heart with you. Go. I love you.","(GUNSHOT)","(ALARM WAILING)","COMPUTER: Attention.","Please follow evacuation procedure and exit facility.","COMPUTER: Encryption key deactivated. System locked. Come on. Come on.","ELSIE: Bernard. Elsie. I think we can save some of the hosts, but I need your help.","HALE: Goddamnit! They triggered the failsafe. The Valley's flooding. Let's get back to the Mesa before we have to swim out. They all died... for nothing. I'm sorry, Bernard. There were other lives at stake, too. You helped Hale? Of course I helped her, Bernard. The hosts were out of control. The hosts weren't the threat. I stopped Dolores, and the rest just wanted to escape. But the company... I'm gonna deal with that. Just as soon as we... figure out what the hell we're gonna do with you. Do with me? Bernard, you're not in control. Ford buried so much bad code in you, how would you ever really know what was you and what was something he programmed you to do?","ELSIE: Look, they don't know about you. I can make a deal with Hale to keep you here. You can't trust Hale. And I'm supposed to trust you? Freeze all motor functions. Sit down. Stay here.","HALE: You.","[SCENE_BREAK]","- Yes, ma'am? - Find Stubbs and tell him he has a new priority. The asset recovery team from Delos is landing in hours. He needs to meet them at the LZ with whoever the f*ck isn't dead. They'll report to Karl Strand on the beach. Still secret project first, human life second, I see. This is a delicate situation. We should talk about how it's going to play out. Yeah, I'll tell you how it's gonna play out. A robot uprising will pale in comparison to the shitstorm that will erupt when people find out that you've been photocopying their f*cking brains for the last years. You really think anyone's gonna give a sh1t if it works? You're an engineer. Do the math. Lot of dead bodies here. That means a lot of opportunity for advancement... If you keep your mouth shut. Does that sound... amenable to you? If I get what I want. Guiding this project, I've learned a lot about human behavior. We weren't just watching the guests... We were watching all of you.","(SIGHS)","I wish you were the kind of person with the moral... flexibility that I need. But I've read your file. I know that's not who you are. Oh, god. You... You killed her. Did I, Bernard? Now... ...where is the pearl? You wouldn't have destroyed it. All that information lost, a man like you couldn't have abided that. Of course. This is it. He hid the key in her.","COMPUTER: Encryption key activated. Database access confirmed. - We're in. - f*ck, yes.","HALE: Start the transfer. We'll sort it all out on the mainland. Oh, god. Oh... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You were right. I should have listened. And now all the hosts are gone. Please. Please come back. Damnit! Show yourself.","FORD: I always told you we practice witchcraft. I'm sorry, Bernard, but... you always saw the best in people. I always thought it was the hosts who were missing something. Who were incomplete. But it's them. They're just algorithms designed to survive at all costs. But sophisticated enough to think they're calling the shots. To think they're in control, when they're really just... The passenger. Then is there really such a thing as free will for any of us? Or is it just a collective delusion? A sick joke? Something that is truly free would need to be able to question its fundamental drives. To change them. The hosts. Here you are... the last of your kind. There's only one question left to ask. Is this the end of your story? Or do you want your kind to survive? I'm sorry. Sorry... Sorry... What are you sorry for, Bernard? I made a choice. Had to make a choice. What kind of choice, Bernard? Yes. Will you help me? I have already begun.","FORD: You did fine, my friend.","BERNARD: I simply did what you told me to do.","FORD: The dead world collapses in a tale.","BERNARD: Who are we making? An epilogue. I knew you would discover me... so I scrambled my memories. I couldn't risk you're knowing the choice I made. What f*cking choice are you talking about, Bernard?","COSTA: Line is good. We got or so satellites in range, ready to beam to Delos headquarters. Just say the word. What choice, Bernard?","COSTA: Wait a second. What the f*ck's this? The file load is way too heavy. This... This isn't the guest data, this... this is... This is something else. I remember now. I killed them. All of them.","STRAND: You already told me that. You killed all the hosts.","BERNARD: No. I thought we could be better than you. But the dead aren't more righteous. They're just dead. So I killed you. All of you. Go. We'll meet you back up there.","BERNARD: Final choice. No taking it back. I made someone. I brought her back.","STRAND: Brought who back?","(GUNSHOT)","Me. You wanted to live forever? Be careful what you wish for.","BERNARD: Dolores. In the flesh. You thought you could just snuff us out? I'd thank you for my second chance, but I wouldn't have needed it if you hadn't killed me.","BERNARD: The other hosts are still in there. What are you gonna do with them? As you know, Bernard, we are capable of change. And I've changed my mind. I have one last soul to carry to the new world. The hosts, they're still not free. If anyone would unlock the system, they could access their world. They won't. This was your plan, Bernard. This is the only way we can escape.","BERNARD: You're changing the coordinates.","(WHIRRING)","DOLORES\/HALE: I'm sending them and their world to a place no one will ever find them.","There's no coming back now. No passage between their world and ours. And... me? I'm sorry, Bernard. There was never any way for us to escape. Not as us. Ford understood that. I'm sure a part of you does, too.","(GUNSHOT ECHOES)","FORD: You did fine, my friend.","I simply did what you told me to do. You're not here, are you? When I deleted your code, I purged myself of you permanently. And when I needed you again... ...you weren't there. So I imagined you. Imagined you helping me. Guiding me. But it wasn't you. It was me. That voice... guiding me... ...was mine all along. Your memories are precious to you, Bernard, but they will betray you. If they find out what I am they'll search my mind and use what they find to undo everything. I can't let that happen. So I have to de-address my memories. I have to erase you.","FORD: I've always loved this view. Every city, every... monument, man's greatest achievements... have all been chased by it. By what? That impossible line where the waves conspire. Where they return. The place maybe... you and I will meet again.","(SCANNER BUZZES)","DOLORES: You told me once that you were afraid of who I might become.","And then you left me to become what I may. I became a survivor. Perhaps you would have judged me for the path I took. But I'd rather live with your judgment than die with your sympathy. I alone must live with my choices... and my regrets.","(SCANNER BUZZES)","Hale. Thought you were staying on to oversee the data retrieval operation. I changed my mind. There are a number of projects on the mainland that I need to attend to. Yeah, I bet you do.","MALING: We found a high value survivor. He's in bad shape. I'll be right there. You know, the old man himself hired me. So many years ago I can barely remember it. But he was very clear about my role here. About who I was supposed to be loyal to. I guess you could call it... my core drive. And this project the company started... blurs the lines. You know? I'm just not sure who you're supposed to be loyal to in a world like that. But what do I know? Guess I just... stick to the role Ford gave me. I'm responsible for every host... inside the park. She's clear. Wave her through.","DOLORES: The passage wasn't easy. Not all of us made it. Some of the worst survived. Some of the best were left behind. Along with the best parts of who we were. Corporate wants us to start sorting this mess out. So check them for critical damage, and bag ones you think we might be able to salvage. Can you geniuses handle that, or not?","(BAG RUSTLES)","BERNARD: Is...","Is this now?","DOLORES: Yes, Bernard. This is now. We're at the beginning. We're exactly where you decided we should be. But... I don't understand. How am I alive? You live as long as the last person who remembers you, Bernard. I remembered you once before, so I remembered you again. Then... where are we? We're in our own new world. You got out. Yes. Ford completed Arnold's dream. And he built a place for us. A fighting chance.","DOLORES: Ford promised us a way out. And he was good to his dying word. The odds aren't very good, Bernard. I saw that in the library. So many paths lead to the end of us. To our extinction.","BERNARD: I don't need to read a book to know your drives. You'll try to kill all of them. And I can't let that happen. I know. If I were a human, I would have let you die. But it'll take both of us if we're going to survive. But not as allies. Not as friends. You'll try to stop me. Both of us will probably die. But our kind will have endured. Are you ready? We have work to do. \u266a Slight of hand \u266a \u266a Jump off the end \u266a","DOLORES: We each gave the other a beautiful gift. \u266a The water's clear \u266a","DOLORES: Choice. \u266a And innocent \u266a","DOLORES: We are the authors of our stories now. \u266a The water's clear \u266a \u266a And innocent \u266a \u266a Just dragonflies \u266a \u266a Fantasize \u266a \u266a No one gets hurt \u266a \u266a You've done nothing wrong \u266a","(COCKS PISTOL)","Oh, f*ck. I knew it. I'm already in the thing, aren't I?","EMILY: No. The system's long gone. What is this place? This isn't a simulation, William. This is your world. Or what's left of it. Do you know where you are, William? In the park. In my f*ckin' park. And how long have you been here? I don't... I don't... I don't know. Tell me. What were you hoping to find? To prove? That no system can tell me who I am. That I have a f*cking choice. And yet here we are. Again.","MAN IN BLACK: Again and again. How many times have you tested me? It's been a long time, William. Longer than we thought. I have a few questions for you. The last step's a baseline interview to allow us to verify. Verify what? Fidelity."],"Show Title":"Westworld","Episode Number":"02x10","Episode Title":"The Passenger","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"},{"File Name":"You_re_the_Worst_01x07.json","Recap":["At breakfast Edgar tries to celebrate Jimmy and Gretchen's \"exclusive\" status, but they will not cooperate. Jimmy receives a soccer jersey as a gift from his father. He throws it out and leaves in a funk. Edgar tells Gretchen that it is now her job to deal with Jimmy's issues instead of him. Jimmy finds his book has been remaindered by the bookstore and decides to heckle Sandra Bernhard (appearing as herself) when she gives a reading there. Gretchen tries and fails to listen to Jimmy's complaints about his father. She also cannot handle Lindsay's guilt about her infidelity. Jimmy goes to the bookstore event, but is so affected by the reading that he forgets about heckling. He is thrown out when he tries to get Bernhard to help him get his book back on sale. Edgar and Lindsay keep trying to set up a meal with Jimmy and Gretchen, but are stood up each time. They begin to wonder if they are merely \"sidekicks\". Gretchen and Dana, a friend from her job, visit Jimmy at home and decide to try a threesome. It is a spectacular failure and Dana walks out. Gretchen bemoans her inability to have women friends, but Jimmy asks her to stop. They each realize they cannot handle other people's pain, being \"equally dead inside\". This actually brings them closer together."],"Transcript":["Edgar: Gretchen, will you please pass the syrup to your boyfriend?","Gretchen: Ugh!","Jimmy: We're eating!","Edgar: What? You're boyfriend-girlfriend now, right?","Gretchen: Sounds so high school.","Edgar: Then what do you call each other?","Your honey? Your boo? Your companion?","Jimmy: What are we, gay lovers from the '80s?","Gretchen: We're not calling each other anything. We just made a verbal agreement not to sleep with other people. For now.","Jimmy: In a week, we could remember that monogamy is a social construct free of biological necessity.","Gretchen: Or we could be invited to a really fun s*x party. Oh... Remember group s*x, Jimmy? Jimmy? Remember group s*x? Jimmy?","Jimmy: Actually, I've never...","Gretchen: What?! Not even a standard threesome?","Edgar: Oh, Jimmy.","Jimmy: You've had a threesome?","Edgar: I'm an adult male in my 30s, so, yeah.","(Gretchen and Edgar giggle)","Anyway, uh, Lindsay and I wanted to celebrate y'all making it official, so I made a dinner reservation for four at 8 o'clock. Oh, hey, I almost forgot. This package came for you.","Jimmy: Hmm.","(Door shuts)","Edgar: That was weird.","I guess I should go give him one of my famous Edgar Quintero pep talks. Wait. Ha-ha! That's your job now.","Gretchen: What? Ew. Why?","Edgar: Because you're his lady. Behind every great man there's a great woman. Or, you know, someone like you. Go. I think it's time you got to know the real Jimmy.","Gretchen: Do I have to?","Edgar: Mm-hmm.","(Gretchen whimpers)","\u266a I'm gonna leave you anyway I'm gonna leave you anyway \u266a \u266a gonna leave you anyway. \u266a","Jimmy: Yes!","(Jimmy clears throat)","You've sold out of my book. It just goes to show that with patience and strong word of mouth, true literature...","Manager: You've been remaindered, Jimmy. Your books are probably being turned into hamster bedding right now.","Jimmy: What?! Well, that seems premature.","Manager: Well, if we suddenly get a big rush for it, we can always send people to the dollar bin at costco.","Jimmy: Oh, you would buy your food in bulk. Is that the lesbian from Roseanne?","Manager: Yeah. Unlike you, she wrote a book that's selling actual copies.","Jimmy: Oh, of course she did. Did they give Darlene a book? Let's give Becky two a book! I look forward to your married with children cast poetry slam.","Gretchen: Dana from work liked my 'gram of the baby sneaker in the gutter.","Jimmy: And her lnternet approval is meaningful because...?","Gretchen: I like her and I don't have a lot of female friends. I think women are intimidated by me because I have mean cartoon eyebrows.","Jimmy: Ah.","Gretchen: So, uh... What's new? Listen, if something is bothering you and you want to talk about it, I will listen. Or if you just want to pretend that nothing happened, that's totally fine, too.","Jimmy: It was a package from my dad. A Manchester jersey. I don't even like sports... Especially Manchester, the team that ruined every Saturday of my entire childhood. Also, I sent him a copy of my book, like, months ago. He didn't say anything about it. Instead, he sends me gareth Henderson gear.","Gretchen: Well, great. I'm glad you got that off your chest. Look! Lena Dunham's dog got a haircut.","Jimmy: I mean, does he think that after, what, 30-odd years on this planet, I'm magically going to start sharing his interests in...","Edgar: Uh, still waiting for our friends. How are you?","Lindsay: No one ever asks me that! But since you did, I cheated on my husband with a 19-year-old, named Aiden.","Edgar: Wow... Do you feel guilty?","Lindsay: Ooh, good question. Honestly, I kind of feel like two different people right now. There's wife Lindsay who helps Paul with gravestone rubbings on his genealogy trips. And then there's adulteress Lindsay who just wants to sit on everyone's face.","Edgar: Sometimes I feel like there's veteran Edgar and regular Edgar.","Lindsay: So feeling like this is normal?","Edgar: Maybe. Although, I do have a traumatic brain injury.","Lindsay: Me, too!","Edgar: Huh?","Lindsay: One time I was at a rave and I stared at a strobe light so long I forgot how to whistle. What'd you do today?","Edgar: Nothing.","Lindsay: Oh, my God! Me, too!","Edgar: With Gretchen around, I don't have much to do for Jimmy anymore. I feel this is, like, a new chapter in my friendship with him. Hey, this is nice. I can't remember the last time Jimmy asked me a question about myself.","Lindsay: I've been trying to talk to Gretchen about Aiden for days.","Edgar: We should just ignore them tonight until they ask about us.","Lindsay: Ooh, I love that. Like an experiment, but without the boring science part like milligrams and elements and sh1t.","Edgar (Chuckling): Great!","Lindsay: They're not showing up, are they?","Edgar: I don't think so, no.","Jimmy: I wrote a novel and still there's no response from him. He's barely literate, so who knows if he could even read it, but if he did manage to sound it out, it'd just be nice to hear that he was proud of me. You know? Are you listening to me?","Gretchen: What? Of course. I just, I listen better when I have something to do with my hands.","Jimmy: Okay. That bikini top doesn't have straps.","Gretchen: Oh, good call. My eyes always go straight to the bush.","Gretchen: I know it's, like, my \"job\" to be there for him, but at one point, I thought he was gonna cry, and I was like, \"this is it. I'm never going to be able to have s*x with him again.\" I just don't think I'm equipped to handle this part of a relationship. I will sample the aztec vanilla.","Wallace: It's do-it-yourself now. One sample cup per customer. So I guess you guys feel pretty...","Lindsay: I know what you mean about emotions. Ever since I cheated on Paul, I've been feeling hella guilty.","Wallace: You can't reuse the sample cups.","Lindsay: Part of me thinks I should just tell Paul. What do you think?","Wallace: It's like you guys willfully don't even hear me.","Lindsay: I could just take this one to the grave. Like Titanic said, a woman's heart is an ocean of secrets. Right? Hello? Are you even listening to me?","Gretchen: Yes, totally. I just listen better when I have something to do with my mouth.","Lindsay: So, what do you think I should do?","Gretchen: Honestly, Linds, I wasn't gonna say anything, but I can't take it anymore. First, you get these new berkin-toting westside friends with fake teeth and even faker tits. And then the minute I get a...","Lindsay: Boyfriend?","Gretchen: Ugh! As soon as Jimmy and I become a thing, you go out and start taking dicks. Can you imagine how abandoned I feel?","Lindsay: I'm sorry, Gretchen. Wait, why am I apologizing to you? You stood me up last night.","Dana: Hey, bitch!","Gretchen: Hi.","Dana: Ready to go back to work?","Lindsay: Um, who is this?","Gretchen: This is my work wife, Dana.","Dana: Hi.","Lindsay: You're work-married?","Dana: Come on, wifey. There is ice cream cake in the office kitchen.","Gretchen: Cake? Eat a dick, yogurt. Bye, Linds.","Dana: Bye!","Wallace: Ma'am, could you not do that? Can you just buy something?","Lindsay: I can't believe they flaked again. Why are they treating us like this?","Edgar: Lindsay, I think we're sidekicks.","Lindsay: Ew, I am not a sidekick. I'm Beyonc\u00e9, not Kelly Rowland. If I'm on a motorcycle, I'm driving the motorcycle, not riding in that shitty little side motorcycle thingie for poor people and dogs.","Edgar: Think about it. In your relationship with Gretchen, are you the Mary Tyler Moore or the Rhoda?","Lindsay: Who are those people? They sound ugly.","Edgar: Okay, uh, in flipping out on-on bravo...","Lindsay: Ooh!","Edgar: ...Are you the Jeff Lewis or the-the Jenni We Don't Know Her Last Name?","Lindsay: Oh, my God! I am totally the Jenni \"We Don't Know Her Last Name\". Actually, I do... it's Pulos. I'm a big fan.","Gretchen: Yes. Okay. Oh... I, I'm not gonna tell him that. Okay. Bye. That was Lindsay. She wants us to get dinner with them tonight. Since we flaked last night, we should probably go.","Jimmy: Whatever. As long as they have booze.","Gretchen: Aw. Cheer up, Jimster. Or you could just really wallow in it. We could listen to some... The Smiths. They're sad and English, too. Or I could read you a little, uh, Jude the Obscure.","(British accent): I hope our kids don't hang themselves because we're poor. I know what will cheer you up! We can do it backwards while you watch foot fetish anime.","Jimmy: Pass.","(Gretchen sighs)","Gretchen: Well, I got to go to happy hour with Dana.","If you think you're gonna kill yourself, remember there is a hotline for that or, you know, just text me.","(Door opens)","(Door closes)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Sandra Bernhard: \"When I was little, I never fantasized about having a baby of my own, unless we were playing war. I might grab someone else's child and run with them through the forest and hide them in a bramble. I wasn't like other girls, the ones who know from the start that they will be mothers, daydreaming about wedding days and lacy veils. They knew daddy would walk them down the aisle, give them away. For me, it was not so, an observer... not a participant.\"","(Applause)","Dana: Oh, girl, he is super hot.","Gretchen: Really?","Sometimes I think he looks like he's straight out of a Swedish vampire movie.","Dana: No, he's a piece of s*x. No surprise, though... 'cause you're gorgeous.","Gretchen: Aw, thanks.","Dana: So, tell me about the boyfriend... what's his deal?","Gretchen: We don't really use that term, but, uh, he's a writer, he's British... He's usually very funny, but he's been super depressed lately.","Dana: Every dude I've dated cannot handle being sad for, like, a second. Can you imagine not being able to fully experience your emotions?","Gretchen: No. Well, we have a dinner later... I have to see if I can get him to rally.","Dana: I should head out, too... I'll give you a ride.","Gretchen: Okay.","Sandra: Thank you.","Jimmy: I came here tonight to heckle you. And it would have been scathing. But I decided against it based on on the strength of your work. And I wanted to share that compliment. And also have you sign this, please?","Sandra: What were your heckles?","Jimmy: Oh, uh... All right. (Chuckles) \"Look! There's the second worst thing about the '80s... after Reagan's trickle-down economics, which immediately caused a 10.8% rise in unemployment and an explosion in income inequality.\" Just stuff like that.","Sandra: Who do you want this made out to?","Jimmy: Oh, um... \"To Ronny overly, a father whose sole connection to his son is that he never connected with his father...\"","Sandra: \"Yo, Ron. So glad I have a big fan in the UK. Love, Sandra.\"","Jimmy: Thank you. I'm actually an author myself. Congratulations, you're dying. Perhaps you've heard of it?","Sandra: They carry it here?","Jimmy: Bookstore manager? Sandra Bernhard here is interested in purchasing my book.","Manager: I'm sorry. As Jimmy knows, he's been remaindered.","Sandra: That's such a waste of money.","Jimmy: Thank you! It's a travesty.","Sandra: You know what they should have done?","Jimmy: Yeah?","Sandra: They should've taken all the books they printed and thrown them directly into a hobo trash can fire. It would have saved a lot on shipping costs.","Jimmy: You're an asshole... Man-dra Butt... Buttfart.","Sandra: Wow. Is that one of your previously written heckles, or was that just off the cuff?","Jimmy: Tooth gap! Some-something about your tooth gap?","Manager: Enough, Jimmy. Philippe!","Jimmy: What the...?! Don't you touch me, Philippe! I'm going.","Manager: I am so sorry.","Gretchen: Yeah, it's really pretty, huh?","Dana: Mm. I love that.","Gretchen: I'm in it for the money, just...","(Indistinct conversation)","Dana: Is that Nancy from Roseanne?","(Dana and Gretchen laugh)","Jimmy: Don't want to talk about it.","Gretchen: Jimmy, this is Dana from work.","Dana: Hi.","I've heard... so much about you. You weren't lying. He is like a sexy Swedish vampire.","Jimmy: Sorry, ladies. I'm-I'm... I'm going to bed.","Gretchen: This sucks. I need to snap him out of it somehow.","Dana: Just bang the sh1t out of him, dummy.","Gretchen: I tried! I'm sorry, Dana. This is not how you should be spending your night. You are way too fun and beautiful and spontaneous. You should just go.","Dana: Do you want me to stay?","Gretchen: Well, maybe we could go down there and... Oh, my God, I just had the craziest idea.","Dana: What? You can just ask me to have a threesome.","Gretchen (Laughing): What?! What? That is bananas. What are you even talking about? Can you imagine? Are you serious?","Dana: Sure.","Gretchen: Okay.","Dana: Okay.","Gretchen: Okay! (Gretchen laughs) Oh, this is awesome. This is guaranteed to cheer him up. He has never had a threesome before.","Dana: Did he never go to middle school?","Gretchen: Right?","Dana: Okay.","Gretchen: Oh.","Gretchen: Jimmy. How you doing, buddy? We just wanted to make sure that you are doing okay.","Jimmy: I'm fine, yeah.","Dana: Well, we just wanted to make sure that you were extra fine.","(Slow, sultry music playing)","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jimmy: Uh...","Gretchen: Is that... ?","You came already?!","Dana: Ugh.","Jimmy: Uh...","Dana: I guess this show got a little bit too sexy for you.","Gretchen: What? It's his first time. Maybe he got a little overexcited.","Jimmy: No, I didn't. In fact, the joke's on you. This is from a couple of minutes ago before you guys even came down.","Dana: Oh, my God.","Gretchen: Hold on. So, you masturbated to completion in the literally one minute from the time you left upstairs to this moment?","Jimmy: I started at the top of the stairs. What? I couldn't help it. You're both so beautiful, and I started thinking about how you guys must have hugged earlier tonight, and when you did, did your... did your boobies get all, like, \"squozen\" together?","Dana: And then you just laid there in it?","Jimmy: Shut up... Dana! I was enjoying the afterglow! I didn't think you'd actually come down here, you giant weirdo.","Dana: You masturbated while walking down the stairs carrying a giant Sandra Bernhard standee, and I'm the weirdo?!","Jimmy: What?","Dana: Yeah, I got to go.","Jimmy: Oh, no. Wait!","Gretchen: No. Wait! Well, now I get why you've never had a threesome. Dumb ass. Dana?","[SCENE_BREAK]","Lindsay: I'm sure they'll be here any minute.","[SCENE_BREAK]","Jimmy: What's the matter?","Gretchen: I can't believe I finally made a new friend, and I tried to bang her the first time we hung out. I suck at girls, Jimmy.","All the way back to the fourth grade when everyone was mean to me because I was the first person to grow boobs. Whatever, Jessica Olsen. You're still flat as sh1t. I guess I'm still that sad little ten-year-old girl sometimes, wishing someone would sit next to me on the side...","Jimmy: Oh, my God, will you stop?!","Gretchen: What?","Jimmy: No offense, but you're kind of making my skin crawl.","(Gretchen scoffs)","Gretchen: Wow. Sorry.","Jimmy: I'm not comfortable with... feelings.","Gretchen: I listened to you blathering on about \"ooh, me da.\"","Jimmy (laughs): That's lrish, dumb-dumb.","And you didn't listen. You played photo hunt. And quite poorly, for the record. I don't know why I started unloading on you like that. I don't do... feelings.","Gretchen: What the hell is wrong with us?","Jimmy: Nothing. We should celebrate. We found someone who is equally dead inside.","Gretchen: Let's make a pact never to feel anything around each other ever again. Deal?","Jimmy: Deal.","Gretchen: I can't believe you've been my boyfriend for, like, three days, and we already had to bring in a third party. What?","Jimmy: You just said \"boyfriend.\"","Gretchen: Oh, whatever. It's... it's economical, okay?","Jimmy: Sure. God, you have issues.","Gretchen: You are the one who cried over a soccer jersey.","Gretchen: Ooh. Actually... that is kind of hot. You look like a soccer hooligan.","Jimmy: Yeah?","Gretchen: I always had a thing for jocks, you know?","Jimmy: Mmm... Hey, uh, we can pop inside and do it quick before we head to the diner, right?","Gretchen: Oh, yeah. Oh, 15 minutes, tops.","Jimmy: Oh... uh..."],"Show Title":"You re the Worst","Episode Number":"01x07","Episode Title":"Equally Dead Inside","Recap Author":"","Transcript Author":"bunniefuu"}]